[Robert Smith]

AU ACTION LESSON 6 STRUCTURE 41724

ROBERT SMITH’s STRUCTURE

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT…?

How to fit a story on a frame of structure so that it holds together and is pleasing to

reader and audience.

___

WHAT IS MY STORY?

GENRE: Gangster.

TITLE: “A Golem in Gangland”

PLACE: New York City.

TIME: 1940.

The New York Syndicate, headed by Charlie “Lucky” Luciano and Meyer Lansky have a subdivision of contract killers that came to be known as “Murder Incorporated” headed by Jewish gangster “Lepke” Buchalter and ruthless hitman Abe “Kid Twist” Reles. This story is based on actual persons and events but fictionalized.

PITCH: In 1940 Jerusalem, a revered rabbi gives an American gangster and rabbi’s son (Max Levitsky) a demon-possessed Golem and an ancient text of a death-curse for his use in order to protect the Jewish community from enemies. After the gangsters and the Golem wreak havoc on a Nazi Rally in New York, The villain (Reles) is out to kill Max and capture the Golem and the death curse for the nefarious criminal purposes of the mob. Will Max’s rabbi father rescue him before he is destroyed by either Reles or the Golem who is growing in demonic power?

___

ASSIGNMENT

CREATE A 3 ACT STRUCTURE FOR YOUR STORY.

1. OPENING: The police are baffled and must find the killer who threw turncoat gangster Abe ”Kid Twist” Reles from his police protected 6^th floor hotel room on the eve of his court testimony against his former boss Lepke Buchalter, the head of Murder Incorporated. The only possible clue is a chip of clay that could only have come from Palestine. In a Coney Island hotel room?

2. INCITING INCIDENT: The Hero (Max Levitsky) is a gangster in Murder Incorporated and a rabbi’s son who has acquired a golem and an ancient death curse from a revered rabbi in Jerusalem. He shows them off to Boss Lepke Buchalter and Abe Reles who inform him that Boss Meyer Lansky calls upon all Jewish gangsters to disrupt a Nazi Party rally in New York City, which Max will bring his golem to do, however, Lepke and Reles plot to kill Max and capture the golem and death curse to use in their own criminal enterprises.

3. FIRST TURNING POINT: END OF ACT ONE: Jewish gangsters converge on the Nazi rally, including Max (with his Haganah martial arts skills) and the golem (with his monstrous strength)..

4. MIDPOINT: A harrowing car chase through Manhattan streets as Reles seeks to kill Max and capture the golem as ordered by Lepke. However, it ends in a car crash which Reles survives while Max and the golem escape and head back to Max’s warehouse.

5. SECOND ACT TURNING POINT: Max is a hero to his Jewish community, but he is warned by his rabbi-father (Shmuel) of the dangers of violence and the dangers to his soul in having a demon-possessed golem and a death-curse all from a rabbi he regards to be a pernicious charlatan. While they drink coffee in a luncheonette near the synagogue, Reles shoots up the place in an effort to kill Max. It fails and he kills beloved synagogue member Hayyim Gottlieb.

6. CRISIS CLUSTER:

1. Max recounts to his father (Rabbi Shmuel) how Rabbi Nahoum Gabbai in Jerusalem gave him the golem and death curse to use for the protection of the Jewish community from antisemites (Nazis). Max’s father (Rabbi Shmuel) exposes Gabbai as a crooked rabbi, a charlatan and that Max is in danger because the golem is demon-possessed and feeds off his own hatred which accounts for his dramatic growth in strength and stature. Likewise the death curse will also damage Max’s own soul. He should destroy both Golem and death curse.

2. After the killing of innocent citizen Hayyim Gottlieb, Detective Murtagh and Special Presecutor Saperstein crack down on organized crime and put out an APB for the arrest of Reles whom they view as a one man crime wave..

3. A mole for the Synidicate inside the police force tells Reles that Murtagh and Saperstein are out to arrest him. Reles vows, they’ll never take him alive because he will assassinate Murtagh and Saperstein – totally against mob rules that forbid killing of law enforcement personnel because it will draw police attention to the mob.

4. Lepke hears about Reles’s assassination plan and orders a contract killing of Reles to prevent the murders of Murtagh and Saperstein. Reles learns of it from the former owner of the Harlem numbers racket (now under Syndicate control and surrenders to Murtagh and Saperstein to seek refuge and their protection (including immunity) while Reles confesses all he knows about Lepke to Murtagh and Saperstein for their case against him in court.

7. CLIMAX: On the eve of Reles’s testimony against Lepke in court, Max, against his father’s counsel, recites the death-curse against Reles, which the Golem hears and interprets as Max’s order to kill Reles, which he does, following some kind of radar to Reles’s 6^th floor room in the Half Moon Hotel. The Golem climbs up the outer wall into the window and throws Reles out.

RESOLUTION: Saperstein and Murtagh realize the Golem killed Reles as the clay fragment they found in Reles’s room is a match for a broken edge on Golem’s foot they cannot charge the Golem as it is not a human being, and they cannot charge Max for ‘wishing Reles dead.’ Following his rabbi-father’s advice, Max surrenders to Murtagh and Saperstein to continue Reles’s work of testifying against Lepke. Max also returns to his father and his Jewish faith.

CLOSING TITLES

This movie was based on real persons and events but fictionalized , including . fictional characters and events..

Lepke Buchalter was sent to the Electric Chair.

The death of Abe Reles is still unsolved.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s ACTION TRACK.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

A great tool to mesh together Hero and Villain tracks into a story.

________

Review of the story:

GENRE: Gangster-Action

TITLE: The Golem of Gangland.

PLACE: New York City.

TIME: 1940.

The New York Syndicate, headed by Charlie “Lucky” Luciano and Meyer Lansky have a subdivision of contract killers that came to be known as “Murder Incorporated” headed by Jewish gangsters “Lepke” Buchalter and ruthless hitman Abe “Kid Twist” Reles. This story is based on actual persons and events but fictionalized.

PITCH: A gangster and rabbi’s son (Max Levitsky) acquires a demon-possessed Golem and an ancient text of a death-curse for his use in order to protect the Jewish community from enemies. After the gangsters and the Golem wreak havoc on a Nazi Rally in New York, the villain (Abe Reles) is out to kill Max and capture the Golem and the death curse for the nefarious criminal purposes of the mob. Will Max’s rabbi father rescue him before he is destroyed by either Reles or the Golem who is growing in demonic power.

________

ASSIGNMENT

CREATE A ROUGH DRAFT OF YOUR ACTION TRACK.

1. Answer Action Questions.

A. What actions could show up in this movie.

Gangland related violence and violence related to a supernatural monster (the

Golem)

B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track?

Fateful orders

Boss Meyer Lansky calls Jewish gangsters to disrupt Nazi Rally.

Boss “Lepke” Buchalter orders Reles to kill Max and capture the Golem

and the Pulsa di-Nura (Lash of Fire) death-curse to further the criminal empire of the Syndicate and Mirder Incorporated.

ACTIONS

Fight of Max and the Golem against Nazis at their Rally.

Car Chase of Reles after Max to capture the Golem and kill Max.

Car crash of Reles (who escapes), Golem slams car.

Tommy gun drive by shooting by Reles of Max, but misses Max and kills

beloved family friend Hayyim Gottlieb/

FATEFUL ORDER: Detective Mike Murtagh and Assistant D. A. Jack

Saperstein order APB to arrest Reles.

Reles vows to kill Murtagh and Saperstein – against mob rules.

Boss Lucky Luciano and Lepke order a preemptive hit on Reles.

Reles surrenders to Police for protection and rats on his former

mob boss Lepke.

The Golem kills Reles (throwing him from his police-guarded hotel room,

after overhearing Max reading aloud the Pulsa death curse upon

Reles.

Golem derails a subway train.

Max’s father (Rabbi Shmuel) deactivates the Golem.

RESOLUTION: Max renounces the mob, surrenders to police to testify against Lepke, and re-enters his family and faith.

C. How can the action start well, build in the 2^nd Act and escalate to a climax in the third?

ACT ONE

ACTIONS

ACT ONE

Detective Murtagh and Asistant D. A. Saperstein find mobster turncoat Abe Reles dead, fallen from (or thrown from) his police-guarded 6^th floor hotel room on the eve of his testifying against his former boss Lepke Buchalter of Murder Incorporated.

CARD: A YEAR EARLIER.

Gangster (and rabbi’s son) Max Levinsky acquired a live clay demon-

possessed golem from a noted rabbi in Jerusalem as well as the text of an ancient death curse (The “Pulsa di-Nura” or “Lashes of Fire,” hereafter referred to as the Pulsa), The Rabbi called on Max to use them to protect the American Jewish community from its antisemitic enemies, i.e., the American Nazi Party.

Max shows off the Golem and the Pulsa death curse to his boss Lepke

Buchalter and to Lepke’s ruthless killer Underboss Abe “Kid Twist” Reles.

Syndicate Boss Meyer Lansky calls all Jewish gangsters to disrupt a Nazi

rally in New York. Max will bring the Golem.

However, Lepke orders Reles to kill Max and capture the Pulsa and the

Golem for the nefarious purpose of expanding the power of the

crime Syndicate.

At the Nazi rally, Max fights Nazis with martial arts he learned from the

Haganah, while the Golem, now growing in height and strength

uses brute force..

After the rally and bloodying many Nazis, Reles car chases Max (who has

the Golem) so he could kill Max and capture the Golem as ordered by Lepke. Instead what happens is…

Reles’s car crasjes/ Re;es escapes but the Golem crushes the car.

Next day, there is an attempted tommy gun drive-by shooting by Reles of

Max, but Reles only slightly wounds Max and kills

beloved family friend Hayyim Gottlieb. Max tells police that the shooter was Reles.

ACT TWO

FATEFUL ORDER: Detective Mike Murtagh and Assistant D. A. Jack

Saperstein order APB to arrest Reles.

Reles vows to kill Murtagh and Saperstein – against mob rules.

Boss Lucky Luciano (from prison) and Lepke order a preemptive hit on

Reles.

Reles learns he’s a marked man and surrenders to Murtagh and Saperstein

Seeking their protection and in return rats on all the mob bosses who now seek his life, principally, Lepke.

ACT THREE

In his hate-filled thirst for revenge against Reles, Max recites the Pulsa.

The Golem hears him and takes it as an order from Max to kill

Reles.

Led by some supernatural radar, the Golem treks through subway tunnels

to Coney Island

The Golem kills Reles (throwing him from his police-guarded hotel room,

On the return trek, the Golem derails a subway train.

Max’s father (Rabbi Shmuel) deactivates the Golem. Murtagh and

Saperstein realize the Golem killed Reles but cannot charge a non-

human being with a crime and can’t arrest Max for murder simply because he ‘wished Reles was dead.’

Max’s father (Rabbi Shmuel) deactivates the Golem using formulae from

Jewish mysticism ..

RESOLUTION: Rabbi Shmuel also rescues his son as Max renounces the mob, surrenders to Murtagh and Saperstein, agrees to testify against Lepke, and he re-enters his family and faith.

2. Select the types of action you’ll use.

___ Shoot out.

___ Orders.

___ Dangerous Situations.

___ Covert work.

___ Escape/evade..

___ Interrogation.

___ Rescue.

­­­___Discovery

3. Sequence the action scenes to deliver your story. Give us your list of action scenes and the purpose of each scene.

(At this point I realize I have more of a crime thriller with elements of action rather than an action film but I want to take this script as far as I can. Its premise is unique. Nobody has done a Golem film in a century and mixed the Golem into the gangster genre. Maybe add more action where I can.)

ACTION SCENEs

FIGHT: Jewish gangsters, including Max and his Golem disrupt with violence

the Nazi rally. Max fights Nazis with martial arts he learned from the Haganah.

PURPOSE: To demonstrate the strength of the demon-possessed Golem and the reality that the gangsters were admired among the Jewish community as the only Jews with the muscle to protect them.

CHASE/PURSUIT: After the rally ,and bloodying many Nazis, Reles car chases

Max (who has the Golem) for the purpose of killing Max and capturing the Golem as ordered by Lepke. Instead

Reles’s car crasjes/ Re;es escapes but the Golem crushes the car.

PURPOSE: The villain (Reles) is evil and stops at tnothing.

SHOOTOUT: Next day, there is an attempted tommy gun drive-by shooting by

Reles of Max, but Reles only slightly wounds Max and kills beloved

family friend Hayyim Gottlieb/

PURPOSE: Sympathy for innocent bystander who dies. It moves Max to

consider that his mob involvements are not worth it. When Murtagh investigates,

DANGEROUS SITUATION: Murtagh and Saperstein put out an APB to arrest

Reles. PURPOSE: To move story into its climas of Reles precipitant action which is…

DANGEROUS SITUATION: Mob Bosses Luciano and Lepke order a hit on

Reles to prevent him from killing Murtagh and Saperstein which is against

mob rules because it will draw police attention.. PURPOSE: To show

there is really no safe home for a mobster and to compel Reles to do the following…

DANGEROUS SITUATION/ESCAPE.COVERT WORK: Upon learning that his

former bosses have ordered a hit on him, Reles surrenders to Police,

Murtagh and Saperstein for their protection with his willingness to ‘rat’ on

his former bosses, especially, Lepke.

CHASE/PURSUIT: The Golem overhears Max recite the Pulsa death-curse

against Reles and hikes through the subways following a supernatural

radar to Reles’s hotel room.

DANGEROUS SITUATION: The Golem tosses Reles out his hotel room to his

death on the eve of Reles’s court testimony against Lepke.. PURPOSE: symmetry with opening of finding Reles’s body. This also demonstrates the danger of the destructive demon animating the Golem.

FIGHT: The Golem does not understand subway trains, so he derails one.

PURPOSE: Demonstrate how dangerous the Golem has become

reaquiring his deactivation.

:

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’S VILLAIN TRACK

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

The importance of building a track for the villain because it is pivotal to the action of the story.

GENRE: Gangster-Action

TITLE: The Golem of Gangland.

PLACE: New York City.

TIME: 1940.

The New York Syndicate, headed by Charlie “Lucky” Luciano and Meyer Lansky have a subdivision of contract killers that came to be known as “Murder Incorporated” headed by Jewish gangsters “Lepke” Buchalter and ruthless hitman Abe “Kid Twist” Reles. This story is based on actual persons and events but fictionalized.

PITCH: In 1940 Jerusalem, a revered rabbi gives an American gangster and rabbi’s son (Max Levitsky) a demon-possessed Golem and an ancient text of a death-curse for his use in order to protect the Jewish community from enemies. After the gangsters and the Golem wreak havoc on a Nazi Rally in New York, The villain (Reles) is out to kill Max and capture the Golem and the death curse for the nefarious criminal purposes of the mob. Will Max’s rabbi father rescue him before he is destroyed by either Reles or the Golem who is growing in demonic power?

A. What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the Hero? The plan could be preexisting or created on the spot.

PLAN: When Boss Lepke Buchalter offers $2 million for the Golem ant the Pulsa di-Nura (Lashes of Fire) death curse, Max (the hero) refuses to give aay these items for any price because they were given to him in trust by a revered Rabbi for the protection of the Jewish Community from their enemies, not to be given to anyone else for selfish or criminal purposes. Lepke appoints the ruthless Underboss Abe “Kid Twist” Reles to kill Max and capture the Golem and the Pulsa for use in expanding the criminal power of the New York Syndicate and their branch of it, i.e., Murder Incorporated.

B. How many ways can the villain (Abe Reles) attack or destroy the Hero (Max Levitsky).

Boss Meyer Lansky calls on all Jewish gangsters to disrupt a Nazi Party Rally. To this Reles attends and so does Max with his Golem.

1. After disrupting the an uptown Nazi Party Rally, Reles car chases Max (who has the Golem in his truck) through Manhattan streets in order to kill Max and take the Golem and eventually rob him of the Pulsa, the hiding place of which is known to Reles. The car chase ends in a fatal crash for several gangsters in Reles’s car, while Reles escapes although at first he is chased by the Golem. Max and the Golem escape.

2. Next day, Max and his rabbi father (Rabbi Shmuel Levitsky) are at the newsstand of Hayyim Gottlieb looking at all the New York newspapers with their headline story of how Jewish gangsters disrupted a Nazi Rally. While talking, including about how Max should abandon the mob and renew his Jewish faith, Abe Reles does a drive by shooting, but he misses Max and kills the well-0loved Hayyim Gottlieb

3. Reles is sidetracked by his own obstacles: After the car chase and the driveby shooting of Gottlieb, Detective Mike Murtagh and Assistant D.A. Jack Saperstein crack down on the Syndicate and set out a dragnet to arrest Reles. Reles vows to assassinate Murtagh and Saperstein. Killing anyone in law enforcement is forbidden in the mob, Lepke and Lansky visit Boss Luciano, n an upstate New York prison and he orders a contract out on Reles. When Reles finds out his life is in danger from his own mob, he prefers to take refuge with Murtagh and Saperstein, promising his full cooperation as they build a case against Lepkem whom they arrest in his hiding place in Brooklyn.

4. THE END OF THE VILLAIN: Reles is kept under police protection at a Coney Island Hotel on the eve of his testifying against Lepke in court. Mysteriously he is thrown from his sixth floor hotel room to his death. It is revealed that Max prayed the death curse, the Golem overheard it and thought it was Max ordering him to kill Reles, which he did. While following the mysterious radar that leads him to Reles and back again to Max, the Golem travels through a tunnel of the New York Subway System and derails an approaching train.

5. RESOLUTION: Max surrenders to Murtagh and Saperstein and also promises to cooperate in their investigation of the Syndicate and Murder Incorporated. He also returns to his Jewish faith. His father Rabbi Shmuel, using ancient formulae, de-activates the Golem.

2. Include labels with each step of the plan

PLAN: Will Reles seize the Golem and Pulsa but he must wait until after the Jewish mobsters disrupt the Nazi Party Rally.

HIT #1 (fails): Reles car-chases Max (who has the Golem in his truck) through the street canyons of Manhattan only to end the chase in an accident. Reles survives and flees while Max and the Golem escape from this murder attempt.

HIT #2 (fails): Reles attempts a tommy gun drive-by shooting of Max as he speaks with his rabbi-father (Rabbi Shmuel Levitsky, and their beloved friend Hayyim Gottlieb.

OPPOSITION (Police): Detective Murtagh and Assistant D.A. Saperstein crackdown on the mob and set out a dragnet to arrest Reles.

DECISION: In response, Reles says they’ll never take him alive and vows to kill Murtagh and Saperstein.

OPPOSITION (Reles’s own mob): Luciano orders out a contract on Reles to preemptively kill him before he can kill Murtagh and Saperstein – totally forbidden by mob rules.

DECISION/CAPTURE: Reles decides to surrender to Murtagh and Saperstein to find protection from the police against his own mob’s effort to kill him..

INTERROGATION: Reles agrees to ‘rat’ on his former bosses and associates to help Saperstein build a court case against Lepke.

FITTING END: The Golem kills Reles by hurling him out his sixth floor hotel window.

[Robert Smith]

ASSIGNMENT

What I learned doing this assignment is … a tool that defines lead characters and their conflict.

FILL IN THE BLANKS: AND SEE WHAT SHOWS

GENRE: Gangster.

TITLE: The Golem of Gangland.

Max Levitsky is a New York Jewish gangster who possesses a golem and a proven effective black magic death curse with which he fights Nazis and then fights a fellow gangster who wants to kill him to possess the golem and the death curse in order to expand the criminal empire of which both he and Max are members.

Concept:

Hero Morally Right: Max Levitsky, a Rabbi’s son turned gangster in the New York Crime Syndicate – Murder Incorporated. He initially wants to protect the Jewish community in which he was raised from the dangers posed by the American Nazi Party (The German American Bund)..

Villain Morally Wrong: Abe “Kid Twist” Reles is a ruthless contract killer of thousands who only wants power for the Syndicate and his advancement in its leadership. cares nothing for the Jewish traditions in which he grew up, but still hates the Nazis and fights them..

Hero

Unique Skill Set: Max knows Jewish tradition and antiquities market. Runs guns to the Haganah in Palestine who teach him Krav Maga, Israeli martial arts. He also has been given a golem and a proven effective black magic Aramaic death-curse, called the Pulsa di-Nura (Lashes of Fire) prayer.

Motivation: He wants to fight the American Nazi party and thereby protect the Jewish community. Later, he wants to kill Abe Reles before Reles kills him to obtain the Pulsa di-Nura and the Golem.

Secret/Wound: Max is conflicted over his choice to abandon his faith and become a gangster.

Villain

Abe “Kid Twist” Reles is a ruthless contract killer and a leader in Murder Incororated, the crew of contract killers for the Syndicate headed by Lucky Luciano and Meyer Lansky

Unbeatable: Reles is backed by the Syndicate and Murder, Inc. His weapons are a gun and an icepick.

Plan/Goal: To kill Max and capture the golem and the Pulsa di-Nura death curse in order to expand the criminal power of the Syndicate and Murder, Inc., as well as himself.

Impossible Mission

Max wants to fight the Nazi Party using the secret weapons of the golem and the death curse.

The golem and the death curse go beyond the best of Max as an individual.

Destroy the Villain (Abe Reles), Max must kill Reles before Reles can kills him, and Reles does try to kill him.

EXTRAPOLATIONS:

If Max knows Krav Maga, Reles would beat Max with his weapons of choice, the gun or machine gun.

Max wants to protect the Jewish community from Nazis. Reles wants to do the same but still, as a mobster, he exploits the vulnerability of his own Jewish neighborhood, forcing them to pay protection (extortion).

Max’s wound is his conflict with his having chosen gangsterism over orthodox faith. Reles views this as a weakness of Max.

Reles’s wound is his extreme poverty that he sought to escape through his life of crime.

Max possesses the secret weapon of a golem and a proven Black Magic death curse. What would Reles do? Reles would double down on this goal to capture the golem and the death curse.

If Max’s motive is to fight Nazis with his secret weapons of a golem and death curse, Reles would love to beat up Nazis and join Max in doing so along with other Jewish gangsters at Meyer Lansky’s command but using the solidarity of purpose against Nazis, Reles would lull Max into trusting him, thus making Max vulnerable to Reles’s violent intentions against him.

Both Max and Reles share the desire to protect the Jewish community from Nazis.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH SU ACTION LESSON 1 4424

WHAT I LEARNED TODAY:

The important key to creativity – Put aside your ‘Internal Editor’ as a principal key to creativity. Likewise I learned the importance of brainstorming at the risk of bad ideas before coming across a good one.

1. Brainstorm your concept and Action Conventions.

(The project I’m thinking of is current crime thriller I am working on turned into Action.

GENRE: Gangster Fantasy.

TITLE: A Golem in Gangland.

The movie is based on actual persons and events but fictionalized.

2. FILL IN THE BLANKS ACTION CONVENTIONS.

HERO: (MAX LEVITSKY) A rabbi’s son who turns gangster in Murder Incorporated and gunner-runner to the Haganah in Palestine where he learns Israeli martial arts (Krav-Maga) and is gifted by a mystical rabbi with two items which could both turn dangerous to Mas, namely, a Golem to be his personal servant and protector of the Jewish community from American Nazis and (2) the text of the ancient “Pulsa di-Nura” or “Lashes of Flame.” death-curse.

ANTAGONIST: ABE “KID TWIST” RELES, the ruthless contract killer of Murder Incorporated, second in command to Boss Louis “Lepke” Buchalter who orders Reles to kill Max and kidnap the Golem and steal the death-curse in order to expand the criminal empire of the New York Syndicate for which Murder,Inc is the stable of contract killers.

DEMAND FOR ACTION: The Jewish mobsters, led by MEYER LANSKY recruit Lepke, Reles, Max and the Golem to violently disrupt an American Nazi Party rally in New York City, which they accomplish when the Golem attacks Nazis with brute force and Max disables them through his Israeli martial arts. However, a car chase through New York streets ensues as Reles tries to kill Max and capture the Golem, instead the Golem smashes Reles’s car but he escapes with the intention to try again and kill Max and take the Golem. Reles is under pressure from Lepke to kill Max and take the Golem while Max must kill Reles before Reles kills him and captures the Golem. the Golem who finally kills Reles after Max recites the death-curse against him. Max endangerment becomes evident after the Golem derails a subway train while returning from killing Reles by hurling him from his police-guarded hotel room on the eve of Reles’ court testimony against Lepke. .

MISSION: To stop the Nazis from harming the Jewish community and then to Reles’s mission to kill Max and capture the Golem.

ESCALATING ACTION: Reles continues his attempts to kill Max in a luncheonette shooting and attempting to shoot Max and capture the Golem from his warehouse lair, both of which fail. Police vow to capture and convict Reles but Reles vows to kill police detective Murtagh and Assistant D. A. Jack Sapterstein – totally against mob rules – so Luciano and Lansky resolve to preemptively whack Reles who then surrenders to police and rats on his former bosses. In police custody, the Golem kills Reles. Historically, Reles’s death is unsolved in NYPD records.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R SMITH’s THRILLER MAP VERSION 2

TITLE: “The Golem in Gangland”

LOGLINE: A monster Golem wreaks havoc on the New York Crime Syndicate, while two time- traveling super-angels try to rescue one mobster both from the mob and the Golem.

NOTE: A golem is an artificial human being in Jewish legend, formed of mud or clay. Like the Frankenstein creature, the golem is brought to life, but by magic, not mad science. The golem legend may have influenced Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.

THRILLER MAP.

NOTE: The mysterious death of gangster turncoat Abe Reles is historical and still unsolved but this is how it is incorporated in my story.

OPENING

CARD: “THE GOLEM IN GANGLAND” IS INSPIRED BY ACTUAL PERSONS AND EVENTS BUT FICTGIONALIZED.

CARD: HALF-MOON HOTEL, BROOKLYN, NEW YORK

EXT – SECOND FLOOR LANDING HALF-MOON HOTEL – DAY

Turncoat mobster Abe Reles (35) lies dead five floors beneath his police-protected room.

INT – ROOM 623 OF HALF-MOON HOTEL – DAY

No clues, no fingerprints. Only a smudge of reddish clay. At first, Detective Michael Murtagh and Assistant DA Jack Saperstein are baffled and decide to interview other hotel residents to see if somebody saw or heard anything.

INT – ROOM 223 OF THE HALF MOON HOTEL – DAY

Defying his parents, Little Jimmy Hemlin (12 years old) tells Murtagh and Saperstein that when it was still dark, he heard a noise at the window. He says he opened the window, looked out and up and “saw Frankenstein only he was made of clay.” On the outside window ledge, Murtagh finds a small chip of reddish clay that resembles the smudge of red found in Reles’ Room 623.

INT – THE POLICE LAB – DAY

The lab technician reports that the reddish smudge and the reddish clay chip from Room 223 are a match, they are both terra rossa soil, rare in the USA but found all over Palestine.

CARD: MONTHS EARLIER

INT – GANGSTER MAX’S LEVITSKY’S APARTMENT IN A WAREHOUSE – NIGHT

Max Levitsky is a gangster in Murder Incorporated who brought a golem back from Palestine that is his butler. He introduces him to Murder, Inc. boss Louis “Lepke” Buchalter and his ruthless killer lieutenant Abe Reles. Lepke remarks that he recalls childhood golem stories in which he heard that golems are supposed to protect ghettos from antisemites?” Max confirms this and Lepke tells Max that Syndicate boss Meyer Lansky calls all Jewish gangsters to Madison Square Garden, next Monday where the Nazi party is having a rally. Max promises to be there with the Golem.

EXT – WAREHOUSE PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Lepke and Reles leave Max’s apartment and the warehouse and plan to murder Max and get the

golem as a syndicate asset.

INT – A SPECIAL PLACE IN HEAVEN – DAY

The souls of Rabbi Solomon Levitsky and his partner-soul, (redeemed gangster) Lou Tasca are called onto a time-travel mission back to 1939 to save the life and soul of Rabbi Solomon’s gangster uncle Max Levitsky who is in trouble.

CARD: THE NAZI PARTY RALLY AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN

INT – MADISON SQAURE GARDEN – NIGHT

(Archival footage.) Bund Leader (Fuhrer) Fritz Kuhn addresses the crowd of 20,000 and is

attacked by Isadore Greenbaum who is then beaten by Nazis until police intervene.

EXT – FAÇADE OF MADISON SQUARE GARDEN – NIGHT.

Jewish gangsters attack (but not kill) Nazis as they exit the Garden. The Golem, now

grown to 9 feet prevails in the melee against Nazis and police whose bullets bounce off him.

Max assists the Golem back into his crate in the back of a Ford COE flatbed truck with

Max driving.

EXT – MANHATTAN STREETS – NIGHT

Reles grabs his men and a car with a wheelman and starts a harrowing chase after Max’s truck with the Golem through the streets of Manhattan. Reles shoots at Max who speeds down side streets and runs red lights and finally stretches his lead to over a block ahead of Reles’ car.

EXT – UNION SQUARE – NIGHT

Max makes a sharp left turn and pulls the truck over to the curb. Max shouts to the Golem “Friday (Max’s name for the Golen), get out onto the road and stop that car and destroy it! Kill Reles!” The Golem (now 11 feet tall) hears the command and jumps out the back of the truck in front of Reles’ car that spins to avoid the Golem and careens into a newsstand, killing the owner. The Golem grabs and lifts the car and body slams it upside down. Reles escapes and flees, the driver and other gangster passengers are dead, except one.

POLICE SIRENS

EXT – CURB SIDE UNION SQUARE – NIGHT

Max hurriedly guides the Golem back onto the truck’s flatbed.

INT – CAB OF THE TRUCK – NIGHT

Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca appear seated on the passenger side. Max climbs in on the driver’s side. Max is startled to find them but when Rabbi Solomon makes the introductions, Max is not only relieved but overjoyed. “Oh, I have been expecting you two angels.” Max drives off.

EXT – UNION SQUARE – NIGHT

The police car stops at the crash site. A surviving but dying gangster tells the police that a golem destroyed their car. The police think the gangster must have meant “Golisch” the name of a Yorkville hood. When the police ask about Reles, the gangster dies without answering.

INT – MAX’S WAREHOUSE – NIGHT

Max assists the Golem back into a crate and into a dormant state. Max, Rabbi Solomon, and Lou enter Max’s apartment.

INT – MAX’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Max explains to Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca how he met Rabbi Nahoum Gabbai who gave him the Golem, an amulet, and the Pulsa di-Nurah prayer-curse to make any person die and also said that two angels will come to assist and protect him, i.e., Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca.

CARD: SIX MONTHS EARLIER. MANDATORY PALESTINE UNDER BRITISH RULE.

FLASHBACK

INT – A TEL AVIV PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Max trades in black market antiquities with Arab commandoes who bring a life-size reddish clay statue with Rabbi Nahoum Gabbai who explains that it is a golem in a dormant-state that he bestows on Max to be his servant and to defend the Jews in America against enemies. Nahoum

gives Max a protective amulet and presents to Max the “Pulsa di-Nurah” (Lash of Flame) curse prayer for the death of someone.

Flashback ends. Scene resumes in Max’ warehouse apartment.

INT – MAX’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Rabbi Solomon urges Max to destroy the Pulsa di-Nurah. You cannot pray for the death of another without it damaging your own soul. Rabbi Solomon further warns that the Golem who unleashed destruction at the Nazi Rally, will one day do the same to you.

INT – A YORKVILLE TAVERN – NIGHT

Police confront Karl Golisch at the bar and ask where he was the night of the Nazi Rally, Golisch presents a solid alibi and a derisive remark about the Nazis.

INT – A POLICE HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Nazi Party leader Fritz Kuhn visits Det. Mike Murtagh in Police HQ to complain about police incompetence in providing security for the Nazis at Madison Square Garden and protection from the Jewish gangsters and their golem. He explains the nature of the golem. Murtagh now realizes that the dying gangster meant golem and not Golisch (the hood). He denounces Kuhn for his Nazism and antisemitism and dismisses him.

INT – MANNY’S KOSHER LUNCHEONETTE – DAY

Max settles down for lunch with Rabbi Solomon and Lou at his friend’s (Manny Levine) kosher luncheonette (which he believes is a safe haven because Levine no longer has connections with Lepke.) Yet, in walks contract killer Bernie Moskowitz who shoots Manny for a debt Manny owes Lepke. Bernie spots Max but has to run because Reles just pulled up in the getaway car.

INT – RELES’ GETAWAY CAR – DAY

Bernie climbs into the getaway car and tells Reles that Max was in the luncheonette. But Reles, chews out Bernie for not going back in and killing Max, but –

POLICE SIRENS

EXT – OUTSIDE MANNY’S LUNCHEONETTE – DAY.

Two cops jump out of the police car and enter the luncheonette.

INT – MANNY’S KOSHER LUNCHEONETTE – DAY

Max is tending to Manny and explains that Manny was shot by Bernie Moskowitz and Abe Reles was the getaway driver. Max swears revenge on Reles. Rabbi Solomon warns to Max that his hatred of Reles only feeds the demon inside the Golem.

INT – A POLICE HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Reles’ deadly car chase and his attack on the Kosher Restaurant compels Crime-busting Assistant DA Jack Saperstein to more urgently hunt down both Lepke, Moskowitz, and Reles.

CARD: MIDNIGHT ROSE’S CANDY STORE, HEADQUARTERS OF MURDER, INC.

INT – MIDNIGHT ROSE’S CANDY STORE – DAY

An off duty, plain clothes Police Officer steps into the store. Rose is a frumpy old woman who offers to get something for the officer. He declines and goes to a booth where Reles sits.

He joins him. The police officer tells Reles that word is out from Murtagh and Saperstein to get Reles, Moskowitz, and Lepke. Reles vows “they’ll never collar me” because he will assassinate Murtagh and Saperstein. One of the other hitmen overhears and exits the store. “Hey, Kaplan where are you going?”

INT – SING SING PRISON – DAY.

Meyer Lansky visits his friend Lucky Luciano and tells him about Reles’ plan to assassinate Murtagh and Saperstein – totally forbidden by mob rules. Luciano, in anger, orders the preemptive assassination of Reles.

INT – A POLICE HEADQUARTERS – DAY

To escape murder from the Syndicate, Reles seeks police protection so he surrenders to Murtagh and Saperstein with the promise that he will “turn canary and sing,” meaning, provide incriminating information on Lepke and Murder Incorporated.

INT – OFFICE OF ASSISTANT D. A. JACK SAPERSTEIN – DAY

Murtagh brings a full dossier on Reles’ testimony against Lepke. “Jack, the canary is singing.”

The only thing he’s not talking is the golem-thing. Saperstein order’s Lepke’s arrest Lepke at his

hideout which Reles revealed was the swanky Windsor Hotel.

MONTAGE of Lepke’s arrest by Murtagh, then Moskowitz arrested, and Reles being

interrogated and giving up more information. (Narrated by Walter Winchell voice-over.)

INT – OFFICE OF ASSISTANT D. A. JACK SAPERSTEIN – DAY

Murtagh and Saperstein, thank Reles for “singing.” They tell him that he will be kept in police

protective custody at the Half-Moon Hotel.

INT – ROOM 623 OF HALF-MOON HOTEL – DAY

(Narrated by Walter Winchell [voice-over] Reles is introduced to his new dwelling. His police

guards seem friendly and say they’ll order up lunch for him.

INT – WAREHOUSE – NIGHT

Max, who wants revenge against Reles. recites the Pulsa di-Nurah (Lashes of Flames) death-prayer against Reles which the Golem overhears and misunderstands as Max’s (his master) order to kill Reles. Max concludes the prayer and retires to his apartment. The Golem arises from his crate and walks off into the night.

INT – ROOM 623, HALF-MOON HOTEL – NIGHT

Reles climbs into bed.

EXT– WALL OF THE HALF-MOON HOTEL – NIGHT

CARD: 3:00 AM.

The now 12 foot Golem scales the wall of the hotel. Jimmy opens his second floor window, looks up, and sees the giant Golem climbing up the wall, not window to window but on the wall itself as if its hands and feet had suction cups. Jimmy ducks back inside. The Golem climbs into Reles’ 6^th floor room.

INT – ROOM 623 OF THE HALF-MOON HOTEL – NIGHT

The Golem grabs Reles and covers his mouth so he will not make a sound and hurls Reles out the window to his death, without any noise that would alert the police guards outside the room. The Golem climbs out the window and disappears as he climbs back down the wall (off screen).

INT – POLICE HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Murtagh and Saperstein’s conclusion: “The canary could sing but he couldn’t fly and the case against Lepke went out the window with him.”

INT – MAX’S APARTMENT – DAY.

Rabbi Solomon and his redeemed gangster partner Lou Tasca convince Max to do as Reles had, i.e., turn states evidence. And to call Murtagh and Saperstein to come to the warehouse and learn everything about the Golem.

CARD: LATER THAT DAY

INT – MAX’S WAREHOUSE – DAY

TWIST/CLIMAX: In the presence of Murtagh and Saperstein, Rabbi Solomon deactivates the Golem by removing the scroll with the sacred name from a scroll in the Golem’s mouth and erasing a key sacred letter written on the Golem’s forehead. The Golem crumbles into a pile of clay, after which, Rabbi Solomon destroys the evil “Pulsa di-Nurah” curse-prayer and explains.

RESOLUTION: Max turns himself over to police custody, ready to flip and testify against Lepke and the Syndicate and return to a devout Jewish life. Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca return to Heaven now that their Mission has been accomplished with Max totally unaware that Rabbi Solomon is his future nephew.

[Robert Smith]

THRILLER DAY 13 MISDIRECTION

ROBERT R. SMITH MISDIRECTS WHEN APPROPRIATE

WHAT I LEARNED IS…?

JANUARY 21 2024

On Misdirection: What I learned is how it can point an audience away from a trail of action, clues, characters which would keep them on the edge of their seats and stun them when the real solution to a clue, or character is revealed.

Unfortunately, I have also learned that the script which I am developing is more a Gangster-Horror film rather than a thriller along the lines of a “Chinatown” or “Bourne Identity,” although there are thrills in it, car chase, threat of death, actual attempts to kill the Hero. There is a thrill to the supernatural mystery of actually creating an anthropoid creature (a golem) that will do one’s bidding.

In order to inject the Thriller genre in my developing project, I need to include red herrings

And misdirections to keep the audience at the edge of their seats.

As such, I have fallen behind, having taken three weeks to bring my project more into the Thriller genre. I decided to have the murderous result of the monster’s action be the opening scene and telling the story from the point of an unsolved murder. By the way, the unsolved murder of gangster Abe Reles on the eve of testifying against his former boss (who was later executed) is historical and the murder remains officially unsolved to this day.

ASSIGNMENT

LOOK THROUGH YOUR THRILLER MAP FOR A FEW OPPORTUNITIES TO OPPORTUNITY TO ADD IN MISDIRECTION:

A. Clue Misdirection

B. Character Misdirection.

C. Dialogue Misdirection.

A. CLUE MISDIRECTION.

NOTE: The story begins with an historical mystery: Who killed gangster rat Abe Reles by throwing him from his police-guarded 6^th floor hotel room on the eve of his trial testimony that could put his former boss Lepke Buchalter (chief of Murder, Inc.) in the electric chair.

CLUE MISDIRECTION: At first, Detective Michael Murtagh and Assistant DA Jack Saperstein feel that Reles showed no suicidal signs, moreover, he knew that escape would expose him to mob retaliation. Murtagh and Saperstein believe a logical conclusion is that the police guards were bribed by the mob to either let the killers into the room or kill Reles themselves. But they decide to interview other hotel residents to see if somebody saw or heard anything.

B. CHARACTER MISDIRECTION.

SAME OPENING: At first, Detective Michael Murtagh and Assistant DA Jack Saperstein feel that Reles showed no suicidal signs, moreover, he knew that escape would expose him to mob retaliation. Murtagh and Saperstein believe a logical conclusion is that the police guards were bribed by the mob to either let the killers into the room or kill Reles themselves. But they decide to interview other hotel residents to see if somebody saw or heard anything.

CHARACTER MISDIRECTION: A monstrous magically created anthropoid called in Hebrew a “golem” at first protects the Jewish people, when he attacks members of a Nazi Rally, but later, as he gains strength and height, he becomes a destructive force against his master and others. It is the Golem who kills Abe Reles.

C. DIALOGUE MISDIRECTION.

As stated the real killer is a supernatural magically created giant anthropoid called a golem. But when he overturns a gangster pursuit car who wanted to kill the hero and capture the golem, a surviving but dying gangster tells the police that a golem destroyed their car. The police misunderstand. They think the gangster meant to say “Golisch” the name of an uptown hood whom they then arrest only to find out that he has an alibi.

REVISED THRILLER MAP WITH NEW MISDIRECTION HIGHLIGHTED:

THRILLER MAP REWRITTEN 2124

GENRE: Gangster-Thriller.

TITLE: “The Golem in Gangland”

PITCH: A monster Golem wreaks havoc on the New York Crime Syndicate, while two time- traveling super-angels try to rescue one mobster from the mob and the Golem.

SYNOPSIS

NOTE: The mysterious death of Abe Reles is historical but this is how it is incorporated in my story.

OPENING

Card: Half-Moon Hotel, Brooklyn, New York. November 12, 1941.

Walter Winchell narrates (V.O.): This is Walter Winchell. On the eve of his trial testimony against his former boss, turncoat mobster Abe Reles lies dead five floors beneath his police protected room at the Half-Moon Hotel in Coney Island.

[MYSTERY] Did Reles commit suicide or die trying to escape? Or was he pushed out of the window in a mob reprisal for revealing secrets that could put his former boss in the electric chair? The homicide detectives are completely baffled.

INCITING INCIDENT

CLUE MISDIRECTION: At first, Detective Michael Murtagh and Assistant DA Jack Saperstein feel that Reles showed no suicidal signs, moreover, he knew that escape would expose him to mob retaliation. Murtagh and Saperstein believe a logical conclusion is that the police guards were bribed by the mob to either let the killers into the room or kill Reles themselves. But they decide to interview other hotel residents to see if somebody saw or heard anything.

MISDIRECTION: RED HERRINGS: Murtagh and Saperstein consider what gangster boss could have given the order to kill Reles, Lepke himself (now on trial has the most to gain by Reles’ death), or Charles “Lucky” Luciano (from Sing Sing prison), or Albert Anastasia already known as the Lord High Executioner.

The occupants of a second floor room are a family, a mother (Lina), a father (Irv) and their 12 year old son (Jimmy). Jimmy says that in the early morning, about 6:45 (when Reles died), Jimmy was already awake, while his parents were still sleeping. Jimmy heard a noise at their window. He looked out and up and “saw Frankenstein only he was made of clay.” Lina scolds her son for his “ridiculous” story and scolds Irv for taking Jimmy to see “’Son of Frankenstein’ – giving him bad dreams.” However, the Asst. DA Saperstein and Det. Murtagh are intrigued.

[CLUE:] Murtagh asks Jimmy to show them the window, which they inspect. On the outside window ledge Murtagh finds a small chip of reddish clay.

Jimmy sneers to his parents: “See I told you so!”

Murtagh places the clay chip into an evidence envelope to take to the lab, but asks, “What did you see when you looked up, Jimmy? He answers, “A giant Frankenstein made of clay climbing up the wall. I mean, it was like his hands and feet had suction cups.”

Murtagh further asks, “Did you see Frankenstein go into any window up above?” Jimmy replies, “Oh, I ducked back inside. I was scared he’d see me.”

[MISDIRECTION]: Lina tells Murtagh, that her son Jimmy, “just had a bad dream.” Murtagh tells her, “Well, let’s see what the lab says about this clay chip.”

[CLUE] At the lab, the technician tells Murtagh and Saperstein that the clay is terra rossa soil, rare in the USA but found all over Palestine.

[TWIST- MYSTERY-INTRIGUE-SUSPENSE-CLUE] HOW COULD SOIL FROM PALESTINE END UP ON A WINDOW LEDGE OF THE HALF-MOON HOTEL IN BROOKLYN and WHAT IS THE CONNECTION WITH RELES’ DEATH, IF ANY?

CARD: TWO YEARS EARLIER

MAX AND THE GOLEM

Max Levitsky is a gangster in Murder Incorporated. He lives in a Brooklyn apartment built into the warehouse in which he keeps his Golem in a crate when he is dormant.

A golem being a creature of Jewish legend formed of mud or clay. Like the Frankenstein creature, the golem is brought to life, not by mad science but magic.

Louis “Lepke” Buchalter, boss of Murder Incorporated and Abe “Kid Twist” Reles (his

lieutenant) are visiting Max in his apartment. “My butler will bring you your drinks.”

[REVEAL] The butler is the 7 foor Golem, made of reddish clay who brings drinks for the three

men on a tray. Lepke and Reles are scared

Max: There’s nothing to fear. The butler is a golem I brought back from the Holy Land. It was

a rabbis gift. He obeys my commands. He’s my personal servant. I call him “Friday” as in “my

man Friday.” I commanded him to bring us our drinks, told him what your favorites are

and here he is.”

Lepke: “I heard golem stories when I was a kid in Hebrew School. Weren’t

golems supposed to protect the ghetto from antisemites?”

Max: “That’s right.”

Lepke: “Well, Mister Lansky is calling all Jewish members of the Syndicate to Madison

Square Garden, next Monday. Would you believe it! The Nazi Party is having a rally. Bring your golem, Max. Mister Lansky says it’s okay to beat up Nazis as long as we don’t kill them.

Max: Right! Jews are not going to be pushed around anymore. So, Friday and I will be at the Monday Night Fight at the Garden. He won’t wear gloves and I’ll bring my baseball bat.

[SUSPENSE] Lepke and Reles leave, but as they enter their car, Lepke tells Reles that their

outfit could use a golem to carry out their contract killings and to “get a driver and some of the

boys to kill Max and take the golem first chance you get.”

[TWIST INTRIGUE]: In Heaven, the souls of Rabbi Solomon Levitsky and his partner-soul, (a redeemed gangster) Lou Tasca are called on a time-travel mission back to 1939 to save the life and soul of Rabbi Solomon’s gangster uncle Max Levitsky who is in trouble. Lou says, “Time-travel? This sounds like The Twilight Zone. Rabbi Solomon retorts, “Well, to your credit you wanted to work as a “Better Angel.” Here’s your chance to write your own episode.”

NOTE: The Nazi Party rally at Madison Square Garden, like Reles’ murder, is historical and is found in archival film footage.

CARD: AMERICAN NAZI PARTY RALLY AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN – FEBRUARY 20, 1939.

Nazi Party Leader (Fuhrer) Fritz Kuhn addresses the assemblage and is attacked from behind.

After the rally, in front of the Garden, Jewish gangsters attack (but not kill) Nazis as they leave the Garden.

REVEAL: The Golem, now grown to 9 feet prevails in the melee against Nazis and police and is impervious to their bullets.

TURNING POINT: After the Golem prevails in the melee on 8^th Avenue and 50^th, and is safely in a crate in the back of a Ford COE flatbed truck driven by Max. Reles grabs his men and a car and follows Max’ truck with the Golem.

Reles fires at Max and hits his truck near the driver’s side door.

Max realizes he’s being followed and fired upon, and voices his anger: “Reles, I thought you were a friend!”

[SUSPENSE] A harrowing auto chase by Reles in pursuit of Max through the street canyons of Manhattan happens with Reles firing his gun at Max. The chase ends in a crash as follows.

REVEAL: At the end of Abe Reles’ car chase after the truck driven by Max. Max shouts to the Golem through the window in back of the cab: “Friday, get out onto the road and stop that car and destroy ir!” The Golem (now 11 feet tall) hears the command and jumps out the back of the truck in front of Reles’ car that spins to avoid him and careens into a newsstand, killing the owner. The Golem grabs and lifts the car and smashes it upside down. Although Reles escapes and flees, the driver and other passengers are dead, except one.

As Max get out of the truck’s cab to guide the Golem back onto the flatbed by holding open the canvas curtain attached to the awning, Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca climb into the cab. Max is startled to find them but when Rabbi Solomon makes the introductions, Max is not only relieved but overjoyed. “Oh, I have been expecting you.”

SUSPENSE: Police sirens.

Max drives off.

[SUSPENSE] The police car stops at the crash site.

Officer 1: I thought I saw Abe Reles run down the street. Radio call an ambulance.

Officer 2 picks up the radio and calls Car 22 to headquarters,”

COVER-UP: After the Golem destroys the car commandeered by Reles to chase Max’ truck to kill Max and steal the Golem, Reles has escaped and the only survivor is dying and in the last exchange with an officer covers up Reles role in the deadly car chase.

One passenger is still alive.

Officer 2: I know you. Mel Goldman. Don’t worry an ambulance is on its way. But Mel, what happened here?

Mel: “Golem, golem.”

Officer 1: Golem? He must mean Karl Golisch, that hood from uptown. Mel, was Abe Reles with you?

Mel: I don’t remember. (Dies)

DIALOGUE MISDIRECTION.

As stated the real killer is a supernatural magically created giant anthropoid called a golem. But when the Golem overturns the gangster pursuit car whose gangster occupants wanted to kill the hero and capture the golem as their leader as Abe Reles, directed them. A surviving but dying gangster tells the police that a golem destroyed their car. The police misunderstand. They think the gangster must have meant “Golisch” the name of an uptown hood whom they then arrest only to find out that he has an alibi.

CHARACTER MISDIRECTION: Police jump to the conclusion that Golisch must be arrested.

[REVEAL] Max explains to Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca: “I knew you two were coming. In Palestine, it was prophesied to me that two angels will come to help and protect me.” Rabbi Solomon asks, “Palestine?” Max affirms, “Yes.” “Who prophesied us to you?” Max answers the he had met Rabbi Nahoum Gabbai and he told me that two angels would help and protect me.”

Rabbi Solomon says he had heard about Nahoum Gabbai from other rabbis when he was in Jerusalem. He’s a crook and a charlatan known for making defective mezuzahs. He also made a fortune selling his amulets to the superstitious.”

Max: “He gave me an amulet and that’s not all, he gave me Friday as a gift. Friday’s a golem.” He runs errands for me and did you see what he did to those Nazi bastards at the Garden?”

(TWIST “We did,” Soloman answers. “AND he could someday turn on you and do the same thing. He is now your servant and you are his master. He can someday make himself your master.”

[TRUST/DISTRUST]Solomon: Didn’t Nahoum Gabbai warn you of this when he gave you the golem?

Max: No. He gave it to me as a gift and I trusted him.

Solomon: After Reles and Lepke, Gabbai is just the guy not to trust. Well, Lou, we arrived none too soon to get Max out of trouble.

Rabbi Solomon conceals the fact that he is Max’s nephew visiting from decades in the future.

BACK IN MAX’ WAREHOUSE.

Max puts the Golem back in the crate into a dormant state.

Max, Rabbi Solomon, and Lou enter Max’s apartment.

Rabbi Solomon conceals the fact that he is Max’s nephew visiting from decades in the future.

[TWIST] Rabbi Solomon wants to know the full extent of Max’ dealing with Rabbi Nahoum but reminds Max that according to legend and history a golem is supposed to protect the Jewish people. Max replies that he’ll get to that but first he tells the Rabbi about how he acquired the golem.

CARD: SIX MONTHS EARLIER. Mandatory Palestine under British rule.

Max was running guns to the Haganah, but he also met with Arab terrorists who sell antiquities to finance their terrorism. (Solomon: “You play both sides.” Max: “And they both pay me very well. I run guns to the Haganah, from the Arabs I get antiquities.”) ”From the Arab terrorists, Max buys coins, pieces of statuary and a large reddish clay statue to sell on the antiquities black market. Rabbi Nahoum who comes with the Arabs explains the clay state, as follows:

REVEAL: that clay statue is a genuine Golem, a Frankenstein-like mass of clay that can be brought to life and is capable of horrible destruction when activated by ancient magic spells.

REVEAL: THE GOLEM, a reddish clay statue but it’s actually a monster that resembles an 8 foot sasquatch only of clay rather than muscle and hair.

Although at first, Max doesn’t trust the corrupt Rabbi Nahoum Gabbai, the cleric’s solicitous manner puts Max at ease. Gabbai activates the Golem into a dormant-state, using mystical Hebrew letters from the ancient Sefer Yetzirah, a mystical text said to have been written by Abraham the Patriarch. AND

1. (REVEAL:)While Rabbi Nahoum Gabbai reads the magic spells to animate the Golem, MYSTERY; Need to know what the Golem is and what animates it.

Rabbi Gabbai animates the Golem and explains how it is animated but not what the destructive potential of the Golem may be.

2. MYSTERY: a ghostly nude man with wings appears and seems to descend into the Golem, whom Gabbai identifies as the Archdemon Astaroth, who animates the Golem.

CLUE TRAIL – DIALOGUE:

MAX: (To Rabbi Gabbai.) Are you leading me into something satanic?

GABBAI: You are a gangster and you are worried that I may lead you into the satanic? I cannot lead you anywhere you don’t want to be led.

Max resolves to keep the Golem for his own servant purposes. Even gives him a name “Friday” as in “his man Friday.” But Max feels that gangsters would try to kill him and steal the Golem.

Additionally, (REVEAL:) Gabbai says he has the solution to Max’ fears. He presents to Max the Aramaic text, translation, and transliteration of the “Pulsa di-Nurah” (Lashes of Flame) curse prayer for anytime you want some man to die.” With profound thanks Max remarks to Gabbai, “A prayer is not as fast as a tommy gun but they die just as dead, huh?” Gabbai replies, “Yes, and it leaves no fingerprints.”

Scene resumes in Max’ warehouse apartment.

RABBI SOLOMON: Destroy the Pulsa di-Nurah. You cannot pray for the death of another without it damaging your own soul, and feeding the archdemon.

[Rabbi Solomon says that the Golem is supposed to be a protector of the Jewish people. Max says, “He has already been a protector of the Jewish people. Remember the Nazi Rally in Madison Square Garden?”

[MISDIRECTION] Nazi Party leader Fritz Kuhn visits Det. Mike Murtagh in Police HQ to complain about police incompetency in providing security for the Nazi Party rally at Madison Square Garden and protection from the Jewish gangs and their golem. Kuhn explains the golem to Murtagh . Kuhn brings with him the license plate number of Max’ truck in which he drove away with the Golem. Murtagh tells him they knew of that license plate and the plate was stolen. Kuhn’s explains the Golem – a word Murtagh remembers from the dying gangster after the car chase which was misunderstood as Golisch – is that it is a man in a specially designed costume and machinery probably designed by a special effects expert from what he calls “Jew-controlled Hollywood.” And that they should investigate RKO Jewish President (George Schaefer) and look at whoever designed the special effects of King Kong. Murtagh derides Kuhn’s crazy theory. To begin with, Murtagh tells Kuhn that King Kong was just a doll recorded in stop action photography. Kuhn says there must be some evidence of a costume in the photographs of the golem taken at the riot by your police and reporters.

COVER-UP: Murtagh explains for unknown reasons the Golem is invisible in any police or newspaper photographs although we all know that he was visible and physical in reality and caused real-time injuries and couldn’t be brought down with bullets..

Murtagh then dismisses Kuhn, ridicules his conspiracy theory, and states his own revulsion at Kuhn’s disgusting Nazi doctrines and antisemitism and dismisses him.

Murtagh now realizes that the dying gangster meant golem and not Golisch (the hood).

Max settles down for lunch with Rabbi Solomon and Lou at his friend’s (Manny Levine) kosher luncheonette (which he believes is a safe haven because he no longer has connections with Lepke.) Yet, in walks Bernie Moskowitz and shoots Manny for a debt Manny owes Lepke. Bernie spots Max but has to run because Reles just pulled up with the getaway car. Bernie tells Reles that Max was in the luncheonette. But Reles, the getaway driver realizes there is no time to go in for a second shooting. Chewing out Bernie, Reles drives off.

Max swears revenge on Reles.

ABOVE CITED DIALOGUE HERE:

CLUE TRAIL – LATER DIALOGUE:

LATER DIALOGUE:

MAX: Why is this thing (the Golem) becoming so super-human? If he gets any larger he will be King Kong.

RABBI SOLOMON: Worse. He grows larger because a demon indwells him.

MAX: Astaroth? Right?

RABBI SOLOMON: Right, The demon also feeds off your own desire for vengeance against Reles That is why the Golem grows with each command to do violence that you give him. Right now you are its master. But with each command you turn the Golem into more of an uncontrollable monster that will become your master.

TWIST: Reles’s deadly car chase and attack on the Kosher Restaurant compels Crime-busting Assistant DA Jack Saperstein to more urgently hunt down both Lepke and Reles.

TWIST: (It just got more dangerous with higher stakes.) In retaliation, Reles plans to assassinate Murtagh and Saperstein.

The Commission of the Syndicate (Albert Anastasia, Lepke, and Meyer Lansky) take out a contract on Reles with the intent to kill him before he can assassinate Murtagh and Saperstein, as killing law enforcement is against the rules of the Syndicate.

TWIST: To escape murder from the Syndicate, Reles seeks police protection so he surrenders to Murtagh and Saperstein with the promise that he will “turn canary and sing,” meaning, turn rat on Lepke and Murder Incorporated and the wider Syndicate and testify.

Reles begins to assist the DA in building a case against Lepke with Saperstein’s promise of police protection.

TWIST: (The worst thing happens to Reles.)

TWIST: (A new problem occurs.) What really happens in my story: Max, who wants revenge against Reles. recites the Pulsa di-Nurah (Lashes of Flames) death-prayer against Reles which the Golem overhears and misunderstands as Max’s (his master) order to kill Reles.

THE MURDER OF RELES: Dawn, November 12, 1941, the now 12 foot Golem scales the wall of the hotel. Jimmy at the 2^nd floor window looks up and sees the giant Golem climbing up the wall, not window to window but on the wall itself as if its hands and feet had suction cups. Jimmy ducks back inside and shuts the window. The Golem climbs into Reles’ 6^th floor room.

Reles says to the Golem, “Hello, Friday. Are you going to get me out of here?”

The Golem nods yes and grabs Reles and covers his mouth so he will not make a sound and hurls Reles out the window to his death, without any noise that would alert the police guards outside the room. The Golem climbs back down the hotel wall and escapes, unnoticed.

Murtagh and Saperstein’s conclusion: “The canary could sing but he couldn’t fly.”

TWIST: Max learns that a contract has also been taken out against him by the commission for his insubordination to Lepke.

TWIST: Encouraged by Rabbi Solomon, Max also surrenders to the police and overcomes his initial gangster’s distrust of Murtagh and Saperstein with his own promise to do as did Reles, namely, flip and also testify against Lepke and the Syndicate with the hope of a shorter sentence and witness protection to follow.

CLUE TRAIL – LATER DIALOGUE:

RABBI SOLOMON: No, destroy the Pulsa di-Nurah. You cannot pray for the death of another without it damaging your own soul and feeding the demon.

MISDIRECTION CORRECTED: Saperstein and Murtagh admit that they thought the order to kill Reles came from the commission (Lepke, Luciano (from prison), or Anastasia. It was none of the above, it was Max’ prayer-curse.

Rabbi Solomon convinces Max to do as Reles as had, turn states evidence. And to call Murtagh and Saperstein to come to the warehouse and learn everything about the Golem.

TWIST/CLIMAX: In the presence of Murtagh and Saperstein, Rabbi Solomon deactivates the Golem by removing the scroll with the sacred name from the Golem’s mouth and erasing a key sacred letter written on the Golem’s forehead. The Golem crumbles into a pile of clay, after which, Rabbi Solomon destroys the evil “Pulsa di-Nurah” curse-prayer and explains.

Murtagh and Saperstein conclude, there is no way charges could be placed against a golem for Reles’ murder, as a golem is not a human being and Max can’t be charged for praying for Reles’ death. “There are people who wish somebody dead every day. You can’t arrest somebody for what’s in their head.” Rabbi Solomon adds: “In Jewish law a golem cannot be charged because he’s not a human being and is capable of only carrying out orders.”

RESOLUTION: Rabbi Solomon explains to Max that by his ritual deactivation of the Golem he has spared Max from any of the growing danger to him by the increasingly destructive Golem and leaves a very thankful Max safely in police custody, ready to flip and testify against Lepke and the Syndicate and return to a devout Jewish life. Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca return to Heaven now that their Mission has been accomplished with Max totally unaware that Rabbi Solomon is his future nephew.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH GIVES GREAT CUES DRAMATIC REVEALS.

WHAT I LEARNED IS…?

The definition and nature of clues and how to have fun identifying clue trails and expanding the thriller map.

Looking back on what I have written, I think I provided mysteries then exposition and then elucidations.

My story is not a mystery thriller but a tale of the supernatural.

LIST OF MAIN MYSTERIES AND CLUES

1. MYSTERY; Need to know what the Golem is and what animates it.

Rabbi Gabbai animates the Golem and explains how it is animated but not what the destructive potential of the Golem may be.

2. MYSTERY: What are the magic spells and ritual used to animate the Golem?

CLUE: They are too forbidden to know, explains Rabbi Gabbai.

Later, Rabbi Solomon, sent to rescue Max tells him the magic is forbidden, best to just forget about the magic spells except, Rabbi Solomon tells Max the ritual uses to deactivate the Golem.

3. MYSTERY: The demon Astaroth animates the Golem, so will Max be saved from the demon/golem?

CLUE TRAIL – DIALOGUE:

MAX: (To Rabbi Gabbai.) Are you leading me into something satanic?

GABBAI: You are a gangster and you are worried that I may lead you into the satanic? I cannot lead you anywhere you don’t already want to go.

4. MYSTERY: Why does the Golem keep growing larger and superhumanly stronger?

LATER DIALOGUE:

MAX: Why is this thing (the Golem) becoming so super-human? If he gets any larger he will be King Kong.

RABBI SOLOMON: Worse. He grows larger because a demon indwells him..

MAX: A demon named Astaroth? Right?

RABBI SOLOMON: Right, The demon also feeds off your own desire for vengeance against Lepke and Reles That is why the Golem grows with each command you give to it as its master. But with each command you turn the Golem into more of an uncontrollable monster that will become your master.

5. MYSTERY: Will Max, ever use the Pulsa di-Nurah (Lashes of Flame) curse prayer to cause the deaths of his enemies?

CLUE TRAIL – LATER DIALOGUE:

MAX: (To Rabbi Solomon) Well, I can rid myself of the desire for revenge by saying the Pulsa di-Nurah prayer against Reles.

RABBI SOLOMON: No, destroy the Pulsa di-Nurah. You cannot pray for the death of another without it damaging your own soul and feeding the demon.

THRILLER MAP REVISED.

GENRE: Gangster-Thriller.

TITLE: “The Golem of Gangland”

SYNOPSIS

OPENING: In Heaven, the souls of Rabbi Solomon Levitsky and his partner-soul, (a redeemed gangster) Lou Tasca are called on a time-travel mission back to 1939 to save the life and soul of Rabbi Solomon’s gangster uncle, Max who is in trouble.

INCITING INCIDENT: In British Mandatory ed Palestine, after running guns to the Haganah, Uncle Max meets Arab terrorists who sell antiquities to finance their terrorism. From them, Max buys a large antique clay statue for his gangster boss Lepke Buchalter to sell on the antiquities black market. But the clay statue turns out to be a genuine Golem, a Frankenstein-like mass of clay that can be brought to life and is capable of horrible destruction when activated by ancient magic spells. REVEAL: THE GOLEM, a clay statue but it’s actually a monster looks like a 8 foot tall sasquatch only of clay rather than hair.

Although at first, Max doesn’t trust the corrupt Rabbi Nahoum Gabbai, the cleric’s ingratiating manner leads Max to invite him to his place where Gabbai activates the Golem into a dormant-state, using mystical Hebrew letters. AND

1. (REVEAL:)While Rabbi Nahoum Gabbai reads the magic spells to animate the Golem, MYSTERY; Need to know what the Golem is and what animates it.

Rabbi Gabbai animates the Golem and explains how it is animated but not what the destructive potential of the Golem may be.

2, MYSTERY: a ghostly nude man with wings appears and seems to dissolve into the Golem, whom Gabbai identifies as the demon Astaroth, who animates the Golem.

CLUE TRAIL – DIALOGUE:

MAX: (To Rabbi Gabbai.) Are you leading me into something satanic?

GABBAI: You are a gangster and you are worried that I may lead you into the satanic? I cannot lead you anywhere you don’t already want to go.

In the dormant state Max will bring the Golem by ship to New York in order to give him to Lepke. Gabbai says that Max will be the Golem’s master “so you need not fear the Golem or any other gangster because you have the Golem as your defender and I am also giving you a scroll with the sacred name of God to insert into the Golem’s mouth in order to awaken the Golem to full strength and obedience.” Additionally, (REVEAL:) Gabbai further presents to Max the text, translation, and transliteration of the “Pulsa di-Nurah” (Lashes of Flame) curse prayer for the death of any enemy.” With profound thanks Max remarks to Gabbai, “A prayer is not as fast as a gun but they die just as dead, huh?” Gabbai replies, “Yes, and it leaves no fingerprints.”

CLUE TRAIL – LATER DIALOGUE:

MAX: (To Rabbi Solomon) Well, I can rid myself of the desire for revenge by saying the Pulsa di-Nurah prayer against Reles.

RABBI SOLOMON: No, destroy the Pulsa di-Nurah. You cannot pray for the death of another without it damaging your own soul and feeding the demon.

Max resolves to keep the Golem for his own servant purposes. Even gives him a name “Friday” as in “his man Friday.”

Max returns to NYC with the animated but sleeping Golem in a crate. To convince Lepke that his Golem is the real thing, Max brings him to the Nazi Party Rally at Madison Square Garden to which gang boss Meyer Lansky has summoned Jewish gangsters to attack (but not kill) Nazis as they leave the Garden. REVEAL: The Golem has grown to 10 feet and prevails in the melee against Nazis and police and is impervious to their bullets.

After the Golem prevails in the melee that follows on 8^th Avenue, Lepke, now impressed, wants to possess the Golem and to be his master to use him to consolidate his deadly grip on the city of New York, but Max will not part with his prize and for the first time finds himself the target of his once-trusted boss.

TURNING POINT: Max drives away from Lepke’s hideout in a truck that holds the crated Golem. Lepke deploys his most ruthless hitman Abe “Kid Twist” Reles, a once supposed trusted friend of Max, to chase him down and kill, and seize the Golem for Lepke. A harrowing chase by Reles follows Max through the street canyons of Manhattan ending in a crash. REVEAL: At the end of Abe Reles’ car chase after the truck driven by Max. Max shouts to the Golem in the back of the truck: “Get out onto the road and stop that car that’s chasing us.” The Golem (now 12 feet tall) hears the command and jumps out the back of the truck in front of Reles’ car that spins and stops obliterating a newsstand. The Golem grabs and lifts the car and throws it which wrecks it, although Reles escapes and flees, the driver is dead.

some pedestrians are killed in the crash and by stray bullets fired by Reles which is destined to draw heat from the police.

MIDPOINT: Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca, at last catch up to Max. Rabbi Solomon conceals the fact that he is Max’s nephew visiting from decades in the future. They settle down for lunch in what they believe is a safe haven, a Mid-Manhattan Kosher Restaurant.

ABOVE CITED DIALOGUE HERE:

CLUE TRAIL – LATER DIALOGUE:

LATER DIALOGUE:

MAX: Why is this thing (the Golem) becoming so super-human? If he gets any larger he will be King Kong.

RABBI SOLOMON: Worse. He grows larger because a demon indwells him..

MAX: A demon named Astaroth? Right?

RABBI SOLOMON: Right, The demon also feeds off your own desire for vengeance against Lepke and Reles That is why the Golem grows with each command you give to it as its master. But with each command you turn the Golem into more of an uncontrollable monster that will become your master.

MAX: (To Rabbi Solomon) Well, I can rid myself of the desire for revenge by saying the Pulsa di-Nurah prayer against Reles.

RABBI SOLOMON: No, destroy the Pulsa di-Nurah. You cannot pray for the death of another without it damaging your own soul and feeding the demon.

In a drive-by tommy gun shooting, Reles, still our to get Max, shatters the restaurant, but Max survives. Rabbi Solomon and Lou also survive as they are super angels impervious to death.

TWIST: Reles’s deadly car chase and attack on the Kosher Restaurant compels Crime-buster Thomas E. Dewey to more urgently hunt down both Lepke and Reles.

TWIST: (It just got more dangerous with higher stakes.) In retaliation, Reles plans to assassinate Dewey – instantly, his plot is forbidden by the Syndicate’s commission (Lucky Luciano and Meyer Lansky) who now take out a contract on Reles with the intent to kill him before he can assassinate Dewey.

TWIST: To escape murder from a Syndicate, Reles seeks police protection so he surrenders to the police and Dewey, vowing to turn canary and sing,” meaning, snitch on Lepke and Murder Incorporated and the wider Syndicate.

TWIST: (The worst thing happens to Reles.) The mysterious death of Abe Reles is historical but here is how I treat it in the story. Reles is held in police protective custody until trial. While preparing to testify against Lepke and the Syndicate, Reles is mysteriously thrown from his 6^th floor hotel safe-room to his death in what looks like a mob hit done through corrupt police who were bribed by the Syndicate to kill Reles..

TWIST: (A new problem occurs.) What really happens in my story: Max, who wants revenge against Reles. recites the Pulsa di-Nurah (Lashes of Flames) death-prayer against Reles which the Golem overhears and takes as Max’s (his master) order to kill Reles.

The Golem scales the wall of the hotel, climbs into Reles’ 6^th floor room and tosses Reles to his death without any noise that would alert the police. The Golem climbs back down the hotel wall and escapes.

The reaction of the police to Reles’ death: “The canary could sing but he couldn’t fly.”

TWIST: Max learns that a contract has also been taken out against him by the commission for his insubordination to Lepke.

TWIST: Encouraged by Rabbi Solomon, Max also surrenders to the police and overcomes his initial gangster’s distrust of Dewey with his own promise to Dewey to do as did Reles, namely, flip and also testify against Lepke and the Syndicate with the hope of a shorter sentence and witness protection to follow.

TWIST/CLIMAX: Rabbi Solomon deactivates the Golem by removing the scroll with the sacred name from the Golem’s mouth and erasing a key sacred letter written on the Golem’s forehead. The Golem crumbles into a pile of clay, after which, Rabbi Solomon destroys the evil “Pulsa di-Nurah” curse-prayer and explains:

RESOLUTION: Rabbi Solomon explains to Max that by his ritual deactivation of the Golem he has spared Max from any of the growing danger to him by the increasingly destructive Golem and leaves a very thankful Max safely in police custody, ready to flip and testify against Lepke and the Syndicate and return to a devout Jewish life. Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca return to Heaven now that their Mission has been accomplished with Max totally unaware that Rabbi Solomon is his future nephew.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH’s TRUST RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT I LEARNED IS…?

How do build the emotional tension in the story’s and characters’ subtext based on trust/distrust.

Genre: Crime Thriller.

Title: THE GOLEM OF GANGLAND.

Pitch: A rabbi’s spirit time-travels back to 1939 in order to save the life and soul of his gangster uncle, not only from other gangsters of Murder Incorporated but from a monster-anthropoid (a golem) that he harbors and a prayer-curse for the death of others.

THE CHARACTERS:

HERO – MAX LEVITSKY: A gangster with Murder Incorporated; Louis “Lepke”

Buchalter (Boss).

VILLAIN – ABE “KID TWIST” RELES: Ruthless hitmen ordered by Lepke to kill Max and

steal the golem.

VILLAIN – LOUIS “LEPKE” BUCHALTER: Boss of Murder Incorporated who wants the

Golem for himself to consolidate his power over New York City and all New

York’s organized crime.

THE GOLEM: An artificial anthropoid made of clay, mistaken for an old statue of antiquity

but a dangerous monster activated by secret spells from ancient Jewish magical

texts. Max acquires the Golem as a clay statue stolen from the ruins of a synagogue by Arab terrorists who sell it to Max who is involved in the black market of illegal antiquities trafficking for Lepke, but Max wants to keep the Golem for his own uses,

ALLY OF THE HERO – RABBI SOLOMON LEVITSKY: The guardian angel and nephew of

the Hero MAX LEVITSKY sent on a time-travel mission back to 1939 to save the life and soul of his gangster uncle, MAX LEVITSKY, who has no idea that the Rabbi is his future nephew.

ALLY OF THE HERO – LOU TASCA is a redeemed gangster soul and angel partner of Rabbi

Solomon in his mission to save the life and soul of the Hero.

VILLAIN – NAHOUM GABBAI: A corrupt rabbi who activates the Golem for Max and who

gives him a scroll with the text, translation and transliteration of the Aramaic

“Pulsa di-Nurah” (Lashes of Flame) curse-prayer used to cause the death of

another. This prayer was used by some fanatics against Yitzhak Rabin who was

assassinated shortly afterward. In my story, Max recites it against Max’s would-

be killer ABE RELES, which the Golem overhears and takes as a command to

murder Reles, which he does.

HERO – THOMAS E. DEWEY is New York DA and organized crime buster who arrests Reles

who then dies in police custody. , After Reles is killed in police custody, Max surrenders and agrees, as did Reles, to flip and testify against Lepke and Murder Incorporated.

HERO/ RED HERRING My story has no red herring character.

TRUST/DISTRUST.

MAX and LEPKE: Trust to distrust.

Max and Louis “Lepke” Buchalter, his boss in Murder Incorporated. Max trusts Lepke but then distrusts him after Lepke orders Abe Reles to kill him.

MAX and ABE RELES. Trust to distrust.

Max initially trusts Abe Reles as a fellow member of Murder Incorporated. However, as

with Lepke, when Reles is pursuing him to kill him, Max turns to distrust.

MAX / THE GOLEM

Max initially trusted the Golem because he is his master but Max sees the Golem grow in size and strength when he murders Reles and realizes his obedient servant could become Max’s master and kill him.

MAX / RABBI SOLOMON and LOU TASCA. Originally he distrusts their claim to be

supernatural beings sent to help him but then realizes they really will help save his life

and soul and he trusts them – remembering that one thing the corrupt rabbi, Nahoum

Gabbai did tell Max was that God would send him angels (messengers) to bear him up.

MAX / NAHOUM GABBAI – At first, Max is not sure whether he should trust or distrust this

corrupt rabbi until he activates the Golem through magic spells. Max should not have trusted him because he gave to him the Golem that would prove destructive and a curse-prayer for the death of others that ultimately would cause spiritual harm to Max. The only good Nahoum Gabbai did was prophesy to Max that God would bless him with angels (messengers) who show up in the persons of Rabbi Solomon Levitsky and Lou Tasca.

MAX / THOMAS E. DEWEY. Max does not trust this crime-buster as any gangster would but

following the murder of Reles and Rabbi Solomon’s counsel, Max grows in his trust of

Dewey and surrenders to him with the promise that, like Reles, he will flip and

testify against Lepke and Murder Incorporated.

NEW THRILLER MAP OF “THE GOLEM OF GANGLAND.”

Additions from the trust/distrust developments are included in bold.

GENRE: CRIME THRILLER

TITLE: THE GOLEM IN GANGLAND

NOTE: Here are the plot twists in the body of the story map

OPENING: In Heaven, the souls of Rabbi Solomon Levitsky and his soul-companion (a redeemed gangster) Lou Tasca are called on a time-travel mission back to 1939 to save the life and soul of Rabbi Solomon’s gangster uncle, Max who is in trouble.

INCITING INCIDENT: In British Mandated Palestine, after running guns to the Haganah, Uncle Max meets Arab terrorists who sell antiquities to finance their terrorism. From them, Max buys a large antique clay statue for his gangster boss Lepke Buchalter to sell on the antiquities black market. But the clay statue turns out to be a genuine Golem, a Frankenstein-like mass of clay with the capability of horrible destruction when activated by ancient magic spells. Although at first, Max doesn’t trust the corrupt Rabbi Nahoum Gabbai, the cleric’s ingratiating manner leads Max to invite him to his place where Gabbai activates the Golem into a slumbering-state, using mystical Hebrew letters. In such a state, Max will bring the Golem by ship to New York in order to give him to Lepke. Gabbai says that Max will be the Golem’s master “so you need not fear the Golem or any other gangster because I am also giving you a scroll with the sacred name of God to insert into the Golem’s mouth in order to awaken the Golem to full strength and obedience.” Gabbai further presents to Max the text, translation, and transliteration of the “Pulsa di-Nurah” (Lashes of Flame) curse prayer for the death of another.

With profound thanks Max remarks to Gabbai, “A prayer is not as fast as a gun but they die just as dead, huh?” Gabbai replies, “Yes, and it leaves no fingerprints.”

Max resolves to keep the Golem for his own servant purposes. Even gives him a name “Friday” as in “his man Friday.”

Max returns to NYC with the animated but sleeping Golem in a crate. To convince Lepke that his Golem is the real thing, Max brings him to the Nazi Party Rally at Madison Square Garden to which gang boss Meyer Lansky has summoned Jewish gangsters to attack (but not kill) Nazis as they leave the Garden. The Golem prevails in the melee that follows on 8^th Avenue. Lepke, now impressed, wants to possess the Golem and to be his master to use him to consolidate his deadly grip on the city of New York, but Max will not part with his prize and for the first time finds himself the target of his once-trusted boss.

TURNING POINT: Max drives away from Lepke’s hideout in a truck that holds the crated Golem. Lepke deploys his most ruthless hitman Abe “Kid Twist” Reles, a once supposed trusted friend of Max, to chase him down and kill, and seize the Golem for Lepke. A harrowing chase by Reles follows Max through the street canyons of Manhattan ending in a crash that Max, Reles, and the Golem survive but some pedestrians are killed in the crash and by stray bullets fired by Reles which is destined to draw heat from the police.

MIDPOINT: Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca, at last catch up to Max. Rabbi Solomon conceals the fact that he is Max’s nephew visiting from decades in the future. They settle down for lunch in what they believe is a safe haven, Rose’s Midnight Candy Store. In a drive-by tommy gun shooting, Reles shatters the candy store, but Max survives. Rabbi Solomon and Lou also survive as they are super angels impervious to death.

TWIST: Reles’s deadly car chase and attack at Rose’s Midnight Candy Store compels Crime-buster Thomas E. Dewey to hunt down both Lepke and Reles.

TWIST: (It just got more dangerous with higher stakes.) In retaliation, Reles plans to assassinate Dewey – instantly, his plot is forbidden by the Syndicate’s commission who now take out a contract on Reles with the intent to kill him before he can assassinate Dewey.

TWIST: To escape murder from a mob hitman, Reles surrenders to the police and Dewey, vowing to turn canary and sing,” meaning, snitch on Lepke and Murder Incorporated and the wider Syndicate.

TWIST: (The worst thing happens to Reles.) The mysterious death of Abe Reles. Reles is held in police protective custody until trial. While preparing to testify against Lepke and the Syndicate, Reles is mysteriously thrown from his 6^th floor hotel safe-room to his death in what looks like a mob hit done through corrupt police who were bribed by the Syndicate to kill Reles..

TWIST: (A new problem occurs.) What really happened: Max, who wants revenge agaimst Reles. recites the Pulsa di-Nurah (Lashes of Flames) death-prayer against Reles which the Golem overhears and takes as Max’s (his master) order to kill Reles.

The Golem scales the wall of the hotel, climbs into Reles’ 6^th floor room and tosses Reles to his death without any noise that would alert the police. The Golem climbs back down the hotel wall and escapes.

The reaction of the police to Reles’ death: “The canary could sing but he couldn’t fly.”

TWIST: Max learns that a contract has also been taken out against him by the commission for his insubordination to Lepke.

TWIST: Encouraged by Rabbi Solomon, Max also surrenders to the police and overcomes his initial gangster’s distrust of Dewey with his own promise to Dewey to do as did Reles, namely, flip and also testify against Lepke and the Syndicate with the hope of a shorter sentence and witness protection to follow.

TWIST/CLIMAX: Rabbi Solomon deactivates the Golem by removing the scroll with the sacred name from the Golem’s mouth and erasing a key sacred letter written on the Golem’s forehead. The Golem crumbles into a pile of clay, after which, Rabbi Solomon destroys the evil “Pulsa di-Nurah” curse-prayer and explains:

RESOLUTION: Rabbi Solomon explains to Max that by his ritual deactivation of the Golem he has spared Max from any of the growing danger to him by the increasingly destructive Golem and leaves a very thankful Max safely in police custody, ready to flip and testify against Lepke and the Syndicate and return to a devout Jewish life. Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca return to Heaven now that their Mission has been accomplished with Max totally unaware that Rabbi Solomon is his future nephew.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH’s PLOT TWISTS

WHAT I LEARNED IS…?

The continued organic develooment of a story.

GENRE: CRIME THRILLER

TITLE: THE GOLEM IN GANGLAND

NOTE: Here are the plot twists in the body of the story map

OPENING: In Heaven, the souls of Rabbi Solomon Levitsky and his companion Lou Tasca are called on a time-travel mission back to 1939 to save the life and soul of Rabbi Solomon’s gangster uncle, Max who is in trouble.

INCITING INCIDENT: Uncle Max has obtained a clay statue which is a “blood antiquity” he obtained from Arab terrorists which turns out to be a genuine golem, a Frankenstein-like mass of clay with the capability of horrible destruction when activated. Max sees a corrupt Rabbi in the city of Sefad who activates the golem by inserting a scroll with a secret name of God written on it. Max returns to NYC with the animated but sleeping golem crated. Lepke, Max’s boss in Murder Incorporated wants to possess the golem as an enforcer to consolidate his deadly grip on the city of New York, but Max will not part with his prize.

TURNING POINT: Max drives away from Lepke’s hideout in a truck that holds the crated golem. Lepke deploys his most ruthless hitman Abe “Kid Twist” Reles, to chase down Max, kill him, and seize the golem. A harrowing chase by Reles follows through the street canyons of Manhattan ending in a crash that Max, Reles, and the golem survive but some pedestrians civare killed in the crash and by stray bullets fired by Reles.

MIDPOINT: Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca, at last catch up to Max. Rabbi Solomon conceals the fact that he is Max’s nephew visiting from decades in the future. They settle down for lunch in what they believe is a safe haven, Rose’s Midnight Candy Store. In a drive-by tommy gun shooting, Reles chops and shatters the candy store, but Max, R. Solomon, and Lou survive.

TWIST: (Reles mistake of the car chase returns to haunt him.) Crime-buster Thomas E. Dewey turns his forces against Murder Incorporated by a dragnet to locate and arrest Reles.

TWIST: (It just got more dangerous with higher stakes.) Reles plans to assassinate Dewey – instantly, forbidden by the Syndicate’s commission who now take out a contract on Reles with the intent to kill him before he could assassinate Dewey.

TWIST: To escape murder from a mob hitman, Reles surrenders to the police, vowing to

turn canary and sing,” meaning, snitch on Lepke and Murder Incorporated and the wider Syndicate.

TWIST: Max learns that a contract has also been taken out against him by the commission for his insubordination to Lepke. Encouraged by Rabbi Solomon.

TWIST: Encouraged by Rabbi Solomon, Max also surrenders to the police with his promise to flip and also testify against Lepke and the Syndicate. R. Solomon and Lou Tasca have now accompolished their mission of saving the life and soul of R. Solomon’s Uncle Max. .

TWIST: (The worst thing happens to Reles.) The mysterious death of Abe Reles. Reles is held in police protective custody until trial While oreoaring to testify against Leoke and the Syndicate, Reles is mysteriously thrown from his 6^th floor hotel room to his death in what looks like a mob hit done through his corruot police.

TWIST: (A new problem occurs.) What really happened, The golem, seeking revenge, scaled the wall of the hotel, climbed into Reles hotel room and tossed him to his death without any noise that would have alerted the police. The golem climbs down the wall of the hotel and escapes.

The reaction of the police to Reles’ death: “The canary could sing but he couldn’t fly.

TWIST/CLIMAX: Rabbi Solomon deactivates the golem by removing the scroll with the divine name from his mouth. The golem crumbles into a pile of clay.

RESOLUTION: Rabbi Solomon explains that by his ritual deactivation of the golem he has spared Max from any of the growing danger to him by the increasingly destructive golem and leaves Max safely in police custody, ready to testify against Lepke and the Syndicate and return to a devout Jewish life Mission accomplished totally unaware that Rabbi Solomon is his future nephew.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH’s THRILLER PLOT

WHAT I LEARNED IS…?

The ease with which following the MIS method a plot can be created.

GENRE: HORROR THRILLER

TITLE: THE GOLEM IN GANGLAND

OPENING: In Heaven, the souls of Rabbi Solomon Levitsky and his companion Lou Tasca are called on a time-travel mission back to 1939 to save the life and soul of Rabbi Solomon’s gangster uncle, Max, because he is keeping a ‘blood antiquity’ from Louis “Lepke” Buchalter, the chief of Murder Incorporated, in New York.

INCITING INCIDENT: Uncle Max has returned from the Middle East with a clary statue which is a “blood antiquity” he obtained from Arab terrorists which turns out to be a genuine golem, a Frankenstein-like mass of clay with the capability of horrible destruction. Lepke wants to seize the golem in order to consolidate his deadly grip on the city of New York, but Max will not part with his prize.

TURNING POINT: Max drives away from Lepke’s hideaway in a truck that holds the crated golem. Lepke deoloys the ruthless hitman Abe “Kid Twist” Reles, to chase down Max, kill him, and seize the golem. A harrowing chase by Reles follows through the street canyons of Manhattan ending in a crash that Max, Reles, and the golem survive.

MIDPOINT: Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca, at last catch up to Max. Rabbi Solomon conceals the fact that he is Max’s nephew visiting from decades in the future. They settle down for lunch in what they believe is a safe haven, Rose’s Midnight Candy Store. In a drive-by tommy gun shooting, Reles chops and shatters the candy store, but Max, R. Solomon, and Lou survive.

SECOND TURNING POINT: Ivan Rostov of the NYPD intervenes announces that Reles crashed his car, surrendered to the NYPD and promises to “turn canary and sing,” meaning, snitch on Lepke and Murder Incorporated. R. Solomon encourages Max to do the same. He does, which means that Rabbi Solomon has successfully saved his Uncle Max’s life and soul but his work is not done as the golem he harbors will grow to destroy Max..

CLIMAX: While under protective police custody at the Half Moon Hotel in Coney Island before his big day in court, Abe Reles is visited in his fifth floor room by the vengeful golem who climbs up the side of the hotel to Reles fifth floor room and hurls Reles to his death.

Detective Rostov says, “The canary could sing but couldn’t fly.”

RESOLUTION: Rabbi Solomon by an ancient ritual deactivates the golem and leaves Max safely in police custody and ready to return to a devout Jewish life Mission accomplished.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH’s MYSTERY SEQUENCE

WHAT I LEARNED.

I learned the craft of creating mystery.

1. WHAT IS THE BIG SECRET THAT THE VILLAIN IS COVERING UP?

The Villain wants to steal the Golem from the warehouse where he is hidden but the secret is, he won’t have to raid the warehouse and have a shootout to get the golem, because he now has access to a spell that can activate the golem from with 60 feet away even through a warehouse wall.

2. HOW MANY WAYS CAN THEY COVER THE SECRET? THOSE ARE THE MYSTERIES.

The chief method of cover-up is silence.

3. THE FIRST MYSTERY MUST ENGAGE THE HERO INTO SOLVING IT.

The Spirit Guide (Rabbi Solomon) alerts the Hero to the plot of the Villain to recite the golem-activating spell within 60 feet of the Golem and instructs the Hero to develop a 60 foot security perimeter around the warehouse with armed marksmen guarding it.

4. SEQUENCE THE MYSTERIES SO THAT EACH ONE LEADS US TO THE NEXT ONE. INCLUDE ONE RED HERRING IF YOU CAN.

1. After an initial fire-fight in which the Hero secures the golem from the villain in a warehouse.

2. The Villain comes across a scroll with the 60 foot rule and realizes that if he can activate the golem, he would escape from the warehouse at the Villain’s command and make unnecessary any fire-fight or violent raid on the warehouse.

3. The Hero’s Spirit Guide, R. Solomon, appears with news of the Villain’s plan and tells the Hero to secure the golem with a 60 foot perimeter under armed guard to prevent any action by the Villain.

4. Anticipating the Hero’s security measure, the Villain places two of his henchmen at different points inside the 60 foot perimeter, both henchmen reciting the golem-activating spell. One of them is shot down by the guards, but the other manages to activate the golem who successfully escapes from the warehouse – a firefight ensures- and goes over to the Villain’s camo and service.

THE GOLEM HAS FALLEN INTO THE WRONG HANDS.

THE TWO HENCHMEN WERE THE RED HERRINGS PROVIDED TO THE SCENE BY THE VILLAIN.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH’s VILLAIN HAS A GREAT PLAN!

WHAT I LEARNED IS…?

The essential questions on which to design a villain’s plan.

TO CREATE YOUR VILLAIN’S PLAN, ANSWER THESE FOUR QUESTION:

1. What is the end goal?

Dion Sharkey is an underworld trafficker in blood antiquities. He realizes one of his procurers, an archaeologist (Bob Lacey), has acquired from middle east terrorists a clay statue that is in fact a golem, thought to be only a powerful legendary monster in Jewish folklore – but this is the real thing. Sharkey’s goal is to get it from Bob by any means necessary.

2. How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?

At first he tries delivery men to kill Lacey and swipe the golem. When that fails, because the activated golem kills them, Sharkey plans a raid on the warehouse where he believes the golem is stored.

3. How can they cover it up?

Sharkey requires the secrecy of his army of soldiers but Sharkey can’t cover it, because his syndicate has been infiltrated by an interpol undercover officer (Ivan Rostov) investigating the black market of stolen art.

4. Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.

1. Sharkey is impressed by the golem story and the golem itself when Lacey activates by secret spells from a magical and mystical book buried with the golem and recovered by the terrorists.

2. Sharkey offers Lacey $1 million for the golem and the secret book. Lacey demands $20 million to which Sharkey says no.

3. Delivery men show up at Lacey’s storage warehouse where the golem is kept, they are killed by the golem.

4. Sharkey plans a raid.

5. Ivan Rostov of Interpol who has penetrated the Sharkey syndicate learns of this planned raid in which Lacey would be killed and golem stolen by the wrong hands (Sharkey) who would use it to benefit himself and his crime syndicate.

6. With promises of immunity for his crimes, Rostov recruits Lacey to help him lead an elite swat team to raid Sharkey’s headquarters and

7. In a final showdown, Rostov, Lacey, and the golem destroy Sharkey and his army of hitmen, discover troves of ‘blood antiquities’ acquired from terrorists, and deactivate the golem and bury him.

In a final scene, it is explained that the heritage of many ancient countries are exploited by terrorists to fund their operations. These blood antiquities are illegally housed in many western museums and private collections and the purchase or acquisition of them is theft of cultural heritage and funds terrorist activities.

[Robert Smith]

ASSIGNMENT 2 SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.

As with the Stacking Suspense Model in “Basic Instinct” everything applies to “Silence of the Lambs.’

THINGS I LEARNED:

With action: The set-up /pay-off method creates continuity and holds attention.

Stakes: The psychological impact.of Hannibal on Clarise takes a toll on her emotionally. The inner stakes are important in creating story.

MIS of character: Motives based on prior psychological trauma,.conflict, or struggle plays a role in character MIS and specifically motive of both serial killer and Clarice.

Examples: Clarice’s childhood trauma involving the slaughter of sheep and Buffalo Bill’s intra-psychic or psycho-sexual struggles as a transexual are noteworthy here as MIS that showed up in the film.

All of the above are important learnings for me in both assignments.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH’s BASIC INSTINCT STACKING SUSPENSE.

MAKE A LIST OF THE THING SUYOU LEARNED ABOUT THRILLERS AS YOU DID THIS ASSIGNMENT:

From analyzing BI, I learned how I experienced the film at an unconscious level because of the stacking of suspense. It’s like being saturated with suspense without realizing how it is being done to you but the stacking suspense model is what causes it.

Every scene can be filled with MIS, the scene itself, the characters and the action.

There is even stacking in the murder weapon (the icepick) the way it appears in different circumstances in several scenes through the movie and the way the characters react and speak of it.

I learned that every scene you write in a thriller must be layered with the stacking suspense model as much as possible

Stacking suspense creates the experience of the film at a visceral, unconscious level. You’re hooked and may not be certain when you became hooked.

.

[Robert Smith]

THRILLER DAY 3 MIS MY STORY 121923

ROBERT R. SMITH’s WORLD AND CHARACTERS

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

Further application of the Thriller Conventions and using them to inspire my creation of a thriller script.

3. With top three characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these question:

What is the Mystery of this character?

What is the Suspensed of this character?

What is the Intrigue of this character?

RABBI SOLOMON LEVITSKY (PROTAGONIST) HE AND HIS PARTNER, FORMER GANGSTER LOU TASCA, ARE GUARDIAN ANGELS. They must go back to gangland to rescue the life and soul of the Rabbi’s Uncle Max from a contract hitman from Murder Incorporated who is out to whack him, in addition to saving his life, they must save Uncle Max’s soul from the gangster life he has chosen.

What is the Mystery of this character?

Will Rabbi Solomon’s powers as an angel and as a master of Kaballah mysticism be enough to accomplish his mission?

What is the Suspense of this character?

Uncle Max is in hiding and unreachable through the headquarters of Murder Incorporated at Rose’s Midnight Candy Store in Brooklyn. How will Rabbi Solomon

What is the Intrigue of this character?

His sheer awesomeness as the soul of a departed Rabbi who has been elevated to Guardian Angel of his older gangster Uncle Maxin in the distant past (1930s).

* *

LOU TASCA (PROTAGONIST) A FORMER GANGSTER WHOSE SOUL, RABBI SOLOMON HAD SAVED WHO IS NOW HIS PARTNER IN SOUL SAVING OF GANGSTERS.

What is the Mystery of this character?

Will he be an effective partner to Rabbi Solomon in this mission impossible that takes them both back to the distant past.

What is the Suspense of this character?

Will Lou’s own gangster past help the Rabbi to save his Uncle.

What is the Intrigue of this character?

His gangster past at work in a rescue mission of a gangster (Uncle Max) from a hitman sent by the Boss of Murder Incorporated, Louis “Lepke” Buchalter.

LOUIS “LEPKE” BUCHALTER (VILLAIN), BOSS OF “MURDER INCORPORATED” A SYNDICATE OF CONTRACT KILLERS FOR THE USE OF OTHER GANGSTERS.

What is the mystery of this character?

What will he do when the supernatural rescuers of Uncle Max are invulnerable to his many contract killers?

What is the Suspense of this Character?

Lepke suffers from ulcers, will the ulcers given him by the Rabbi and Lou kill him before he dies in the Electric Chair?

What is the intrigue of this character?

He is the hunted head of a gangster syndicate how does he remain so illusive from the police? (He is not so illusive from the supernatural duo of Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca.)

.

[Robert Smith]

THRILLER DAY 2 THE BIG M. I. S.

ROBERT R. SMITH’s BIG M. I. S. (THRILLER DAY 2 THE BIG M. I. S.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

I learned how to apply the essential components of Thrillers to the thriller I am writing.

GENRE: Gangster thriller.

TITLE: ANGELS IN GANGLAND II – The Saving of Uncle Max.

LOGLINE: The Guardian Angels, Rabbi Solomon Levitsky and ex-gangster Lou Tasca must go back in time to New York in the thirties, in order to rescue Rabbi Solomon’s Uncle Max Levitsky, a gangster, from a hitman sent by Boss Lepke Buchalter of Murder Incorporated.

HERO: (Split protagonist) Rabbi Solomon and Lou Tasca, who have all the mobility and versatility of being ‘angels.’ but can they intervene in time for Uncle Max?.

VILLAIN: Lepke Buchalter boss of a syndicate of contract killers.

HIGH STAKES: Can Lou and Rabbi Solomon intervene in time for Uncle Max?

LIFE AND DEATH: Will Max hide from his killers? Will Lou and Rabbi Sol rescue Uncle Max? Will Lou and Rabbi Solomon ruin both the past and the future?

THRILLING BECAUSE: Stacked tensions about how a nephew (Rabbi Solomon) as a venerable aging Rabbi go back in time to rescue the Uncle who has never seen him.

THE BIG M. I. S.

MYSTERY: Where is Uncle Max so Rabbi Sol and Lou can save him?

INTRIGUE: The murder plan of Murder Incorporated against Max.

SUSPENSE: Will Max be killed by a hitman before Rabbi Sol and Lou rescue him.

.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH

THRILLER DAY 1 DEC 1323

“Dressed to Kill” Thriller Conventions.

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

The conventions of the Thriller genre and preparing myself to create them in a script of my own.

Analyze a THRILLER movie to discover the conventions of a thriller. It is totally okay to analyze a movie you’ve already seen, but please watch it again. Don’t just do it from memory.

1. Go to Netflix, iTunes, or Amazon and search for “thriller” movies. Pick a thriller that fits three criteria and answer the two questions below:

1. Matches our
   model.
2. I have chosen “Dressed to Kill” written and directed by Brian de Palma (1980)

2. “Dressed to Kill is not one
   of the movies we are scheduled to study in this program.

2. Watch the movie and as you do, note the conventions of THIS story.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH’s MARKETING CAMPAIGN

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS LESSON

I learned that anything that advances exposure of the script is a Campaign Strategy and good to do.

1. The ONE Marketing Campaign I select and will take action on.

My stage play gangster-comedy “Angels in Gangland” I am promoting for stage productions and my screenplay adaptation I will promote through the methods taught in the course.

2. The plan

I want to see Angels in Gangland produced on both the stage and screen and I am arranging for play readings now with industry professionals invited. So I have two tools, stage and screen in my toolbox. Doing readings will also build a fan-base for the project. I am doing this now which is part of Campaign #4, Strategy #27.

Secondarily, I am in discussion with a local film maker of producing a promotional trailer of the screenplay adaptation to shop around in addition to all the other methods of getting a producer.

3. First action to take:

1. Finish the screenplay adaptation and write a treatment and

2. Continue booking showcase readings of the stage play and when it is finished the screenplay with invitations to industry professionals of both theater and film.

[Robert Smith]

1. I aM ROBERT R. SMITH.Your name.

2. I agree to the terms of this release form as I have to all other such forms in previous classes.

3. Text is below as requested.Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Robert Smith]

Dear Friends and Colleagues:

I am Robert R. Smith. I am a playwright whose stage play “Angels in Gangland” was performed as a Zoom Production, the recording of which won the Best Feature Film Award at the Cecil County Independent film festival. I am completing what I hope will be a final draft of the screen adaptation of the play. I like writing the gangster genre but want learn how to do so as gangster thrillers. I have initial notes to a sequel to “Angels in Gangland” as well as notes for another and an outline for a courtroom thriller.

I am excited about the class and getting to know my classmates.

Bob

Robert Russell Smith

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Clarification

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH’s QUERY LETTER DRAFT ONE.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS LESSON:

Important to keep it brief and with many hooks.

The Query Letter:

Dear Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss:

GENRE: LEGAL THRILLER

TITLE: “The Plaintiff.”

PICTURE: “The Accused” meets “The People vs. Larry Flynt.”

Her death is unsolved. Was it suicide or murder by her abusive Russian Mobster boyfriend?

Her life was a quest for an acting career as a new “It girl,” but she chose a career path of stripper to centerfold until coerced into explicit sex in a film project by her mob-connected skin magazine-mogul boss.

She then files a landmark sexual harassment lawsuit against her boss and wins which catapults her into a new role as advocate for women’s rights and workplace justice which ended with her unsolved death.

BIO: I am a playwright whose gangster-comedy “Angels in Gangland” (performed as a recorded Zoom Production) won the award of “Best Full Length Feature Film” in the Cecil County Independent Film Festival.

If you like my concept, I’d be happy to send you a script of “The Plaintiff.”

Best Always,

Robert Russell Smith “Bob”

35 Spruance Court

Elkton, MD 21921

Phone: ***-***-****

Email: RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

The Query Letter Draft 2

Dear Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss:

GENRE: LEGAL THRILLER

TITLE: “Beach Girl of the Year.”

PICTURE: “The Accused” meets “The People vs. Larry Flynt.”

Brandy Crofton’s death is unsolved. Was it suicide or murder by her abusive Russian Mobster boyfriend who was found shot to death by Brandy’s teenage daughter?

Her life was a quest for an acting career as a new “It girl,” but she chose a career path of stripper to centerfold until coerced into explicit sex in a film project by her mob-connected skin magazine-mogul boss.

She then files a landmark sexual harassment lawsuit against her boss and wins against her boss’s ‘blame the victim’ defense which catapults Brandy into a new role as advocate for women’s rights and workplace justice which ended with her unsolved death.

At the inquest, her death is ruled murder by her boyfriend by aconitine poisoning and her daughter’s shooting of her mobster boyfriend is ruled a justifiable homicide because the abusive boyfriend had threatened to kill both Brandy and her daughter.

BIO: I am a playwright whose gangster-comedy “Angels in Gangland” (performed as a recorded Zoom Production) won the award of “Best Full Length Feature Film” in the Cecil County Independent Film Festival.

If you like my concept, I’d be happy to send you a script of “The Plaintiff.”

Best Always,

Robert Russell Smith “Bob”

35 Spruance Court

Elkton, MD 21921

Phone: ***-***-****

Email: RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  Robert Smith.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH PHONE PITCH.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS LESSON IS…?

Keep pitches short and to the point. Be transparent and precise in answering questions.

1. WRITE OUT YOUR PHOE PITCH ALONG WITH ANSERS TO THE QUESTIONS.

My pitch: Genre: Erotic Thriller. Title: Beach Girl of the Year.

A nude centerfold model sues her Beach House magazine editor boss for sexual harassment and wins.

2. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch.

Lead with high concept above.

3. GIVE US ONE OR TWO SENDCE ANSWER THE QUESTRIONS A PRODUCER MAY ASK:

1. What’s the budget range?

$15 to $30 million.

2. Who do you see in the main roles?

As the model: Margot Robbie.

As the editor: Leo di Caprio.

3. How many pages in the script?

114 pages.

4. Who else has seen this?

You are the first or a few other companies. And if asked, and there have been others, tell who they are.

5. Why do you think this fits our company?

Because you have done films before in this genre.

6. How does your movie end?

After years in here new-found role of spokesperson for Women’s Rights and Workplace Justrice, she finds peace and a new boyfriend.

The model is found dead in bed. Her death is unsolved (Is it suicide? Or murder by poisoning at the hands of her abusive Russian gangster boyfriend who himself is dead by gunshot fired by the model’s teenage daughter who claimed the boyfriend had stated he would kill both mother and daughter.

[Robert Smith]

GSTPP LESSON 8 PITCH FEST 112923

ROBERT R. SMITH’s PITCH FEST PITCH.

WHAT I LEARNED IS?

How to craft a pitch and also prepare for questions afterward. The Lesson and the assignment questions proved beneficial to creating the script outline.”

1. TELL US YOUR CREDIBILITY.

I am a playwright whose recording of my gangster comedy “Angels in Gangland” won the award of Best Full Length Feature Film at the Cecil County Independent Film Festival (Milburn Stone Theater, Cecil College, North East, MD).

2. WHAT IS YOUR GENRE AND TITLE.

GENRE: THRILLER

TITLE: “The Plaintiff.”

Picture: “The Accused” meets “The People vs Larry Flynt.”

3. WHAT IS YOUR ONE OR TWO SENTENE HOOK?

She is a centerfold in Beach House magazine who sues the editor for sexual harassment

and wins.

4. PLEASE GIVE YOUR ONE OR TWO SENTENCE ANSWER TO EACH OF THESE QUESTIONS:

1. What is the budget range?

$15 to $30 million, depending upon star power.

2. What actors do you like for the lead roles?

Brandy Crofton: Margot Robbie.

Steve Willis, Esq.: Leo di Caprio.

Doug Julian (Antagonist; Magazine editor): Leo di Caprio or Michael Raymond-James.

3. Give me the acts of the story.

4.

ACT ONE: Former centerfold and Sex Goddess Brandy Crofton’s death is unsolved. Was it suicide or murder by poisoning at the hands of her abusive Russian gangster boyfriend (Yuri Yusupov) who is himself dead, shot apparently by Brandy’s teenage daughter (Courtney) who is to be defended in court by longtime family attorney (Steve Willis) who is the narrator of the story and starts at the beginning..

ACT TWO: Young Steve Willis, now in law school is Brandy’s one time High School Sweetheart and has continued as a friend and confidant of the former High School Cheerleader and star of the Senior Play, “The Crucible” who still wants an acting career and to be a sex goddess, but her career path starts as a stripper (Bubblegum Pink) in a gentlemans’ club owned by mob-connected Beach House magazine editor Doug Julian, whom she meets and for whom she signs a contract of fealty to him while he promises to enhance her acting career after first she poses nude as centerfold Beach Girl of the Month. She also lives in her own apartment in Julian’s expansive beach house with other Beach Girl models in a part girls dormitory / part harem for Julian. After Julian makes Brandy the Beach Girl of the Year, he says he is expanding into film making, he builds her a studio and promises her the starring role in his historical epic, “Harem” – explaining that he makes her a star as per his part of the contract to advance her acting career.

ACT 3: “Harem” turns out to be an epic porn film and he coerces Brandy to perform in explicit sex scenes plying her with drugs and alcohol. Brandy has an emotional breakdown. Especially when “Harem” flops at the Box Office and her ‘porn star’ reputation from “Harem” prevents her from getting any work in mainstream entertainment. Supported by Steve Willis as friend and attorney, Brandy files a sexual harassment lawsuit against Doug Julian. When she wins the case, her case becomes one for the law books and catapults Brandy into a new role as spokesperson for Womens Rights and Workplace Justice.

ACT 4: Steve Willis receives an honorary Doctorate of Law Degree and Brandy becomes a renowned speaker on the issue of sexual harassment and a leader in the support of victims of sexual harassment and abuse. Buoyed by her new role and purpose, Brandy finds peace in her life with her teenage daughter but she also finds herself an old acquaintance (from her days with Julian) who becomes her boyfriend, i.e., Yuri Yusopov, who is a Russian gangster.

The script returns to the opening scene and continues:

ACT FIVE: Brandy’s death is ruled a homicide by poisoning the alleged killer is Yusupov who himself is dead by gunshot fired by Brandy’s daughter (Courtney). Defending Courtney at trial, Steve Willis makes a case for justifiable homicide by Courtney, insofar as Yusupov had threatened to kill both mother and daughter. Steve Willis’ argument wins his defense of Courtney.

5. HOW DOES IT END? (SETUP / PAYOFF)

SETUP: The death of Brandy, and the trial of her daughter.

PAYOFF: The film ends with Steve Willis glad that he won Courtney’s freedom, but laments how tragedy had followed Brandy and now Courtney. Courtney tells Steve, “You are the only man who has ever been good to my mother.” Steve: “That’s why I’ll make sure you will never need for anything, it’s what your mother would want.”

6. CREDIBILITY QUESTIONS – WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

I am a playwright whose recording of my gangster comedy won the award of Best Full Length Feature Film at the Cecil County Independent Film Festival (Cecil College, North East, MD).

[Robert Smith]

GSTPP LESSON 6 112523

ROBERT R. SMITH SYNOPSIS HOOKS

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

The how of using the all-important COM and MITs in crafting a synopsis of a screenplay.

GO THROUGH YOUR PROJECT AND SEE WHAT HOOKS YOU HAVE:

GENRE: Thriller.

TITLE: “The Plaintiff.”

PICTURE: “The Accused” meets “The People vs. Larry Flynt.”

A. It’s not an adaptation of a book but it is inspired by actual events.

B. Most unique about your villain and hero?

A sex worker sues her sex industry employer for sexual harassment which becomes a landmark case.

The villain (Doug Giuliano) is a skin-magazine (“Beach House”) mogul and the hero (is a centerfold and Beach Girl of the Year, Brandy Crofton) who sues him for sexual harassment and wins.

C. Major hook of the opening scene: Sex Goddess Brandy Crofton is dead in bed (was it murder by poisoning or suicide?) Also dead is her live-in abusive Russian gangster boyfriend (Yuri Yusupov), shot dead by Brandy’s daughter (Courtney) partly in revenge but also in self-defense because Yusupov had previously threatened he would kill both mother and daughter.

From this scene at the end of her life, the story returns to tell the whole story from the beginning to that moment. The narrator is her high school sweetheart and forever friend, confidant and attorney, Steve Willis.

The story is told starting at the end and then goes back to the beginning.

Brandy is still friends with her high school sweetheart (Steve Willis) and he has become her confidant, attorney, and narrator of the story that he retells from High School, in which Brandy states her ambition to be an actress and the new “It girl.” But her ambition takes her from stripper to centerfold to porn star with mob-connected skin magazine mogul Doug Giuliano, editor of Beach House Magazine, to which Brandy becomes a Beach Girl of the Month, to Beach Girl of the Year and then porn star in Giuliano’s new historical epic porn film, “The Harem.”

In order to compel Brandy to do explicit sex scenes in his film, Giuliano gives Brandy alcohol and drugs and forces her into doing these scenes, claiming he is true to his side of their contract, i.e., that he would advance her acting career.

Instead, her porn appearance in “The Harem” soon ruins her chances for an acting career while the film itself bombs at the Box Office.

After the film disaster, Giuliano develops a hotel-casino compound in Las Vegas, with mob assistance, and to ensure success he pimps out Brandy to mob investors. To which she at vigorously objects and then submits to his abusive coercion.

After a nervous breakdown, Brandy leaves Giuliano and his Beach House empire and files a sexual harassment lawsuit against him.

With her friend and attorney, Steve Willis they present a landmark case against Giuliano that becomes one for the books in law schools. Steve and Brandy win the case.

While Steve Willis is awarded an honorary Doctor of Law degree by Harvard Law, Brandy’s success wins her acclaim and a new role as advocate for women’s rights and workplace justice, including the rights and dignity of sex workers.

Just as Brandy starts to find peace and purpose, she finds her Russian gangster boyfriend (Yuri Yusupov) who is abusive to her and her daughter and threatens to kill them both.

It all ends with Brandy’s untimely and mysterious death and Steve Willis’ successful defense of Courtney for shooting Yusupov as a justifiable homicide.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH’s QUERY LETTER.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

The fine art of writing a Query Letter and the importance of brevity and making it look easy to read.

The Query Letter:

Dear Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss:

GENRE: Erotic Thriller.

TITLE: “The Plaintiff.”

PICTURE: “The Accused” meets “The People vs. Larry Flynt.”

Her death is unsolved. Was it suicide or murder by her abusive Russian Mobster boyfriend?

Her life was a quest for an acting career as a new “It girl,” which took her from stripper to centerfold to porn actress in which she was coerced into explicit sex scenes by her mob-connected skin magazine-mogul boss in his porn epic “The Harem.”

She then abandons her boss’s skin magazine empire and files a landmark sexual harassment lawsuit against him which she wins.

Her success wins her acclaim and a new role as advocate for women’s rights and workplace justice, including the rights and dignity of sex workers – all of which ends with her sudden, untimely, and mysterious death.

BIO: I am a playwright whose gangster-comedy “Angels in Gangland” (performed as a recorded Zoom Production) won the award of “Best Full Length Feature Film” in the Cecil County Independent Film Festival.

If you like my concept, I’d be happy to send you a script of “The Plaintiff.”

Best Always,

Robert Russell Smith “Bob”

35 Spruance Court

Elkton, MD 21921

Phone: ***-***-****

Email: RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH PRODUCER /MANAGER

How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

I’ll present a one sentence high concept pitch, a well-written marketable script and view the producer as a fellow creative and take his notes as one who wants to see my screenplay on the screen, i.e., as notes from a supportive fellow writer.

How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?

I’ll present a one sentence high concept pitch, a well-written marketable script and view my manager as one who would want to advance my writing career. I’d share with the manager my other projects that I have written or have in development and state my availability to do paid writing assignments. As with the producer, all notes will be taken seriously from someone who has in heart my success in the industry because my success is his/hers.

What I learned today…?

I learned the importance of writing not only to meet my needs but also the business goals of the producer and manager.

That the producer’s goal is to is to secure well-written, marketable projects that are easy to sell to actors, directors, funding sources, and distributors.

The manager’s goal is to have writers of marketable projects who will continue to write and collaborate with him/her and who is available to do paid writing assignments.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH’s MARKETABLE COMPONENTS

CURRENT LOGLINE: Until stopped by her unsolved death, Brandy Crofton’s desire for an acting career took her from stripper to centerfold to a porn actress who filed a landmark sexual harassment lawsuit against her employer, a mob-connected skin magazine and film making mogul.

2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick one or two that have the most potential for selling this script.

A. UNIQUE: Sex Worker files a landmark sexual harassment lawsuit against her mob-connected skin-magazine mogul.

B. GREAT TITLE: “The Complainant.”

C. TRUE: The script is inspired by real events.

D. TIMELY: The culture is aware of high profile sexual harassment suits and we are conscious of what is meant by “hostile workplace” and the “Me, too!” movement.

E. IT’S A FIRST: One of the highest profile Sex Workers files a Sexual Harrassment lawsuit against her sex industry employer.

F. ULTIMATE: The Ultimate Sex Goddess files an ultimate sexual harassment lawsuit against the ultimate King of a Sex Empire and then she dies the Ultimate unsolved death. Was it suicide or murder?.

G. WIDE AUDIENCE APPEAL: It’s a soap, a courtroom thriller and an erotic thriller. All marketable.

H. ADAPTED FROM A POPULAR BOOK: No, but it is inspired by real events.

I. SIMILARITY TO A BOX OFFICE SUCCESS: It’s “The Accused” meets “The People vs Larry Flynt.”

J. A great role for a bankable actor: Yes, the mogul Doug Giuliano and the Sex Goddess Brandy Crofton (principal roles). Likewise good supporting roles: Boris Osipo, who is Brandy’s live-in abusive Russian mobster lover and possible killer. Also, the narrator of the story is Jim Willis, an old high school sweetheart who has remained a lifelong friend and confidant of Brandy and is invaluable to the crime investigators.

The two components of Marketability that have the most potential for selling his script are, above, F and J.

3. DO A QUICK BRAINSTORM SESSIOIN ABOUT WAYS TO ELEVATE The Three great strengths that would sell the script above are F and J..

A. Elevating F (The Ultimate Sex Goddess files an ultimate sexual harassment lawsuit against the ultimate King of a Sex Empire and then she dies the Ultimate unsolved death. Was it suicide or murder?

This is to be elevated by the criminal investigation of her unsolved death and the various conclusions that might be drawn.

An added element is that her lover, Osipov may well have been Brandy’s killer with a hardly traceable toxin Aconitine, but he was shot and killed by Brandy’s daughter when her mother was discovered dead.

The landmark lawsuit also will have intense courtroom testimony and evidence that has an ultimate far-reaching impact for laws related to workplace hostility and abuse.

B. Elevating J (A great role for a bankable actor: Yes, the mogul Doug Giuliano and the Sex Goddess Brandy Crofton (principal roles). Likewise good supporting roles: Boris Osipo, who is Brandy’s live-in abusive Russian mobster lover and possible killer who is shot in revenge by Brandy’s teenage daughter, Courtney.. Also, the narrator of the story is Jim Willis, an old high school sweetheart who has remained a lifelong friend and confidant of Brandy and is invaluable to the crime investigators.)

All characters are complex and nuanced as they are living in high-stakes situations are rich in subtext and they each have a past.

BRANDY and DOUG GIULIANO: She was a stripper called “Bubblegum Pink.” She wanted an acting career but met Doug Giuliano who made her sign a contract of servitude in which he controlled her life and forced her into a pornographic role that he claimed would enhance her acting career, it resulted in mainstream entertainment rejecting her and Giuliano pimping Brandy out to Mob figures.

DOUG GIULIANO before starting a skin magazine, was a Harvard student and ‘boy wonder’ creator of erotica through AI. Then he ventured, with Mob investments, into starting a sex empire of his skin magazine and film making.

4, “WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…”

I learned the 10 Marketable Components, their use, and importance.

[Robert Smith]

GSTPP LESSON 1

ROBERT SMITH’s PROJECT AND MARKET

1. Give us your Genre, Title, and Concept:

Genre: EROTIC THRILLER

Title: “Bubblegum Pink”

CONCEPT: Whether her death was homicide or suicide, Brandi Crofton’s life was a pursuit of an acting career that went from stripper to centerfold to porn star to winner of a landmark sexual harassment suit against her employer, a mob-connected skin magazine mogul.

2. In one or two sentences tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

It has the convention of the erotic thriller, that pleasure and danger go together. The story explores the far-reaching impact of sexual harassment through the life of an aspiring actress who walks right into a sex-fueled environment that exploited and devoured her.

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST – managers, producers, or actor’s production company – and whyu you picked that target.

I would target an actor’s production company because attaching an actor to the project will enhance its marketability. Secondarily, I’d target managers, as they are supporters of the interests, talents, and career development of the writer.

4. Answer the question, “What I learned today is…?”

(1) Even after submitting a script, it’s okay to keep rewriting because rewriting goes on all the time until the shooting wraps.

(2) That it is important to think of the business and marketing end of screenwriting as a part of the creative process.

[Robert Smith]

I have read the release form and I agree to the terms of this release form.

Robert Russell Smith

[Robert Smith]

I am Robert Russell (Bob) Smith. I am a playwright and an alumnus of Screenwritingu. I live in Elkton, Maryland and I am a retired Episcopal Priest. I am almost finished with my screenplay adaptation of my prize-winning gangster-comedy, “Angels in Gangland.” I also have started work/research on 3 other projects. Now the question is, how to get scripts to Power Players. So I am very excited about the class and meeting and working with more fellow writers.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Robert Smith.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

MODULE 10 LESSON 10 52923

ROBERT SMITH’s TARGET MARKETS

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

The use of IMBDPRO for collecting and storing of the names and contact information of producers and the importance of seeking open doors and not studios or closed doors and not to be discouraged by closed doors.

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 10 LESSON 11

ROBERT SMITH’s Four Pitches – Draft 1

I learned the essentials of pitching in four different methods as a vehicle to get into the industry.

4 PITCHES

Elevator Pitch: Title: “Angels in Gangland.” Genre: Gangster-Comedy.

A murdered gangster is denied entry to Paradise because of his criminal life unless he atones by returning to gangland to haunt and convince his Made Man-killer to flip and turn rat. PICTURE: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Phone Pitch:

Hello, I’m Robert R. Smith, may I give you a quick pitch?

(Sure, go ahead.)

I have a gangster comedy that is a first for in the genre: It’s a gangster tale of hope about a slain gangster (Lou) who can only get into heaven if he atones for his life of crime by returning to gangland to haunt and convince his Made Man-killer (Carlo) to quit the mob and turn rat. But can he save his Made Man-killer before he himself gets whacked? PICTURE:“The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”)

Pitch Fest Pitch:

Hi, I’m Robert Smith, I have rewrittern my award winning stage play as a screenplay.

“Angels in Gangland.” Genre: Gangster-Comedy.

A murdered gangster can make it into heaven only if he returns to gangland to haunt and convince his Made Man-killer to quit the mob, flip, and turn rat. It’s a gangster tale of hope (A first for the genre.) PICTURE: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Query Letter:

Title: “Angels in Gangland.”

Genre: Gangster-Comedy.

A slain gangster cannot get into Paradise unless he atones for his criminal life by turning to gangland to haunt and convince his Made Man-killer to flip and turn rat.

Guided by his Guardian Angel (Rabbi Solomon), he endures a séance led by a sometime funeral stripper-psychic and engages in spirit possession in order to save his killer. But can he save him before his Boss has him whacked?

It’s a first in the genre: A Gangsgter tale of hope. Picture: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 10 LESSON 11

ROBERT SMITH’s Four Pitches – Draft 2

I learned the essentials of pitching in four different methods as a vehicle to get into the industry.

4 PITCHES

Elevator Pitch: Title: “Angels in Gangland.” Genre: Gangster-Comedy.

When a murdered gangster is denied entry to Heaven, to redeem himself he must return to gangland to haunt and convince his Mafioso-killer to flip and join the Witness Protection Program. NUTSHELL: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Phone Pitch:

Hello, I’m Robert Russell Smith, may I give you a quick pitch?

I have a gangster comedy that is a first for the genre: It’s a tale of hope and redemption about a slain mobster who can get into Heaven only if he returns to gangland to haunt and convince his mafioso-killer to quit the mob and turn state’s evidence. BUT there is a DEADLINE – the deal is off if his killer gets whacked by his Capo before he goes straight. NUTSHELL: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

I feel the budget is low to mid-range, $5 to $20 million.

I see Michael Imperioli as the lead murdered gangster (Lou). Al Pacino as his spirit guide/Guardian Angel Rabbi Solomon Levitsky. As the antagonist Tony Rizzo, I see Michael Raymond -James, Jon Bernthal, or Alessandro Nivola. As Carlo who kills Lou, I see either Michael Gandolfini or Rafi Gavron. In the role of Sherrie Falco, Carlo’s fiancé: Lucy Fry.

How many pages is the script? 104.

Who else has seen this? You are the first.

Why do you think this fits our company? Because of your productions of X, XX, and XXX.

Pitch Fest Pitch:

Hi, I’m Robert Russell Smith, I have re-written my award-winning stage play “Angels in Gangland” as a screenplay. As a stage play performed as a Zoom production, it won the award for Best Full Length Feature Film at the Cecil County Independent Film Festival, North East, Maryland.

Title: “Angels in Gangland.” Genre: Gangster-Comedy.

A murdered gangster can make it into Heaven only if he returns to gangland to haunt and convince his mafioso-killer to quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness Protection Program. But there’s a deadline: The deal is off if the boss whacks his killer before he goes straight. It’s a gangster tale of hope (A first for the genre.) NUTSHELL: Picture, “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

I feel the budget is low to mid-range, $5 to $20 million.

I see Michael Imperioli as the lead murdered gangster (Lou). Al Pacino as his spirit guide/Guardian Angel Rabbi Solomon Levitsky. As the antagonist Tony Rizzo, I see Michael Raymond -James, Jon Bernthal, or Alessandro Nivola. As Carlo who kills Lou, I see either Michael Gandolfini or Rafi Gavron. In the role of Sherrie Falco, Carlo’s fiancé: Lucy Fry.

How many pages is the script? 104.

Who else has seen this? You are the first.

Why do you thing this fits our company? Because of your productions of X, XX, and XXX.

In Act I: In the Hereafter, just-murdered gangster LOU TASCA is met by his spirit guide and Guardian Angel RABBI SOLOMON LEVITSKY who tells him the only way he can get into Heaven is to go back to gangland to haunt and convince his Mafioso-killer (CARLO PARISI) to quit the mob and enroll in the Witness Protection Program. Rabbi Solomon also wants a collateral good. His wayward gangster son, SAM, is like a brother to Carlo, and hopes that if Lou can convince Carlo to enroll in Witness Protection, Sam will do the same. Against Rabbi Solomon’s advice, Lou crashes Carlo’s 30^th Birthday Party and scares Carlo who appears insane to Carlo’s Capo, TONY RIZZO who himself had ordered Carlo to kill Lou because he didn’t want to pay him $200,000 in gambling debts. Tony’s disbelief in ghosts is challenged because Carlo starts to recite secrets that incriminate Tony that only Lou Tasca could have told him. So. Tony realizes that he may has to whack Carlo because it is the only way to silence the squealing ghost of Lou Tasca. Carlo’s fiancé (SHERRIE FALCO) arranges for a séance with ZOEY PLATO, so that Lou Tasca’s spirit can be expelled from Carlo’s apartment. Rabbi Solomon teaches Lou how to spirit possess Carlo during the séance to warn Zoey that she is interfering with the mission Lou has to save the life and soul of Carlo Parisi and that she should butt out.

In Act II: At the séance, Lou possesses Carlo and scares off Zoey Plato while Sherrie realizes that Carlo is haunted by Lou’s ghost because Carlo is Lou’s murderer. Sherrie leaves Carlo. Carlo, in vain, tries to reach Sam only to get voicemail. He leaves a message that he wants Sam to come over to his apartment, which would be ideal for Lou and Rabbi Solomon’s mission to get both Carlo and Sam to quit the mob but they realize that they have a deadline as Tony Rizzo may reach Carlo and Sam with a gun.

In Act III: Tony meets with his partner in crime and confidant, i.e., Russian mob boss OLEG ORANSKY to seek counsel on his strange predicament, vis a vis Carlo and Sam. Oleg, however, plays for Tony a recording of Tony’s Supreme Boss, Don Primo Giordano in which the Don states his intention to whack Tony. Tony’s reaction is that he will send the hitman he has recruited to whack Carlo and Sam and then he will whack Don Primo and start his own family. Tony leaves and it is revealed that Oleg is an FBI Informant who then phones his handlers, FBI agents GINA SAVIANO and DAVE MOORE and together they rush off to save Carlo and Sam from Tony’s hitman. Rabbi Solomon who was eavesdropping also rushes off to save Carlo and Sam. At Carlo’s apartment Sam has arrived while Lou has made himself at home. Rabbi Solomon arrives. In one last effort, Lou and Rabbi Solomon tell Carlo and Sam that the decision to enroll in Witness Protection has been made for them with their lives in danger from Tony Rizzo’s hitman. It is revealed, however, that Sam, in fact, is Tony’s hitman whom he has recruited to kill Carlo just as Tony he had recruited Carlo to kill Lou.

HOW IT ENDS: Sam is unable to kill his friend Carlo and they resolve to join Witness Protection. With their mission accomplish, Rabbi Solomon and Lou depart to the Hereafter. The Sherrie, Oleg, Tony, and the FBI and Tony’s wife LISA (Also an informant) all converge on Carlo’s apartment. Carlo, Sam, Sherrie, Oleg, and finally Tony consent to join the Witness Protection Program. In the Hereafter, Rabbi Solomon and Lou part company, with Lou hopping onto his subway train home to Heaven.

Query Letter:

Title: “Angels in Gangland.”

Genre: Gangster-Comedy.

A slain gangster cannot get into Paradise unless he atones for his criminal life by returning to gangland to haunt and convince his Made Man-killer to flip and turn rat.

Guided by his Guardian Angel (Rabbi Solomon), he endures a séance led by a sometime funeral stripper-psychic and engages in spirit possession in order to save his killer. But can he save him before his Boss has him whacked? It’s a first in the genre: A Gangster tale of hope and redemption. Picture: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

If you would like to read the script, I would be glad to send it to you.

Contact Information:

[Robert Smith]

PAID WR ASSIGNMENTS LESSON 2 52723

ROBERT R. SMITH’s Credibility is going UP.

2-3 STEPS I COULD TAKE THINGS I COULD.

Write final draft of “Angels in Gangland.”

High Concept: A slain gangster is denied entrance to Paradise unless he atones

for his crimes by returning to gangland to haunt and convince his wiseguy

killer to quit the mob, flip, and turn rat.

Meet managers and pitch “Angels” (Manager Mastery Course).

Ready myself to enter contests.

Improving my Linkdin profile.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

The importance of staying on track with improving your credibility.

CURRENT CREDIBILITY LIST.

Writing Sample:

“Angels in Gangland” (only screenplay, work-in-progress.)

Newspaper columns

1 act plays and comedy sketches.

Screenplay Accomplishments:

“Angels in Gangland” was originally a stage play, but because of Covid restrictions it was performed as a recorded Zoom production the recording of which was submitted to the Cecil County Independent Film Festival and received the award for Best Full Length Feature Film.

My stage play of “Angels in Gangland”

Google Factor:

My news noticed about “Angels in Gangland” likewise, editorials I have written can be q googled.

Network:

None. Recently added producers to my Linkdin.

Education:

Taken several courses at ScreenwritingU.

Borrowed Credibility:

Bit reoresebted tet,

IMDB credits.

None.

SHOW POSSIBLE THINGS TO DO TO BUILD CREDIBILITY:

Writing Sample:

“Angels in Gangland” (only screenplay, work in progress) Finish it, final draft.

My chosen genre specialization is GANGSTER.

Write second screenplay: “Mister One-way Ride.”

High Concept: He was a ruthless Chicago gangster. What will kill this killer? His cancer or Al Capone?

Develop 3 books I have been working on.

Screenplay Accomplishments:

Submit my screenplays to contests, shop it to producers, and get a Manager. (See above, 2-3 things to do.

Google Factor:

My news noticed about “Angels in Gangland” likewise, editorials I have written can be q googled.

Network:

None. Recently added producers to my Linkdin.

Education:

Take more courses at ScreenwritingU.

Borrowed Credibility:

See above, get a Manager.

Submit scripts to Contests and get Recommend by Coverage endorsements.

IMDB credits they will accrue, if I do the above.

ADDITIONAL:

1. Credibility Checklist (above)

2. Linkedin profile made best it can be (in process).

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 10 LESSON 10

ROBERT SMITH’s TARGET MARKET

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?”

How critically useful and easy it is to find the open doors by matching the genre and Budget of your film with producers in your genre and budget range, locating such producers on on IBDBPRO and keeping the list of producers’ names and contact information for ready reference. .

[Robert Smith]

WIM PHONE PITCH 42223

ROBERT SMITH’s PHONE PITCH

“WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS LESSON IS…?

I learned all the essentials of a phone pitch.

1. THE STRATEGY I WILL USE.

Permission and then “Lead with a great title.”

2. GIVE US YOUR SCRIPT FOR PHONE CALL PITCHES.

“Hi! This is Robert Smith. Was wondering if you’d like to hear a quick pitch?”

(Sure, go ahead.)

The title is “Angels in Gangland” Genre: Gangster-Comedy.

A slain gangster cannot get into heaven because of his criminal life, unless, he atones by returning to gangland and convinces his killer to quit the mob and join the Witness Protection Program. Picture: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

If asked:

The Budget range is $15 to $30 million.

In the lead roles: Michael Imperioli and Al Pacino.

The script is 104 pages.

Tell who else has seen it.

I am presenting this to you because you make good movies in the Gangster Genre.

THE ENDING: Not only does the killer quit the mob and the slain gangster gets to heaven, but other gangsters do the same: A Russian mob kingpin, the Captain who ordered the murder, and the Family Boss as well.

The Protagonist calls it: “A Jackpot of souls.”

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 10 LESSON 8 GREAT PITCH 3

ROBERT SMITH PITCH FEST PITCH

WHAT I LEARNED IS…?

1. TELL US YOUR CREDIBILITY.

Hi, I’m Robert Russell Smith I wrote an award winning full length comedy which is what I am pitching is it’s screenplay adaptation. It was presented as a Zoom production because of Covid restrictions but the recording of it won the “Best Full Length Feature Film” award at the Cecil County Independent Film Festival, North East, Maryland.

2. WHAT IS YOUR GENRE AND TITLE?

Gangster-Comedy. Title: “Angels in Gangland.”

3. What is your hook in one or two sentences?

The spirit of a slain gangster (Lou Tasca) meets his spirit-guide and guardian angel (Rabbi Solomon Levitsky) in the Hereafter who tells him that he cannot enter Heaven because of his criminal life, unless, he atones by returning to gangland to haunt and convince his killer (Carlo Parisi) to quit the mob and turn states evidence, in other words, turn rat. Picture: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

4. QUESTIONS:

WHAT IS THE BUDGET RANGE?

$15 – $30 million.

WHAT ACTORS DO YOU LIKE FOR THE LEAD ROLES?

Lou Tasca……….MICHAEL IMPERIOLI

Rabbi Solomon….AL PACINO

GIVE ME THE ACTS OF THE STORY.

ACT 1

Gangster Lou Tasca is murdered by Carlo Parisi in a mob hit that was Carlo’s way of ‘making his bones’ so that he could become a Made Man in the Giordano Crime Family.

Immediately, Lou’s spirit materializes in the Hereafter where he learns from his Spirit-Guide and Guardian Angel, the late Rabbi Solomon Levitsky that he cannot cross over into the world to come because of his criminal life, unless he atones by returning to gangland where he must haunt and convince his killer to do as he should have done, namely, quit the mob and turn states evidence.

Rabbi Solomon explains that your good deeds are like a metrocard to get on the train to the World to Come.

Rabbi Solomon also shows Lou what happened leading up to his murder:
1. Tony Rizzo, his crew captain and owner of his mobbed-up cocktail lounge

fired cocktail waitress Michelle Ippolito who is revealed to be Gina Saviano, FBI undercover operative who is spying on organized crime at Tony Rizzo’s Cocktail Lounge.

2. Rabbi Solomon also shows Lou how Tony explained to Carlo that he wants to

sponsor him to become a Made Man but first Carlo must ‘make his bones’ in

order to qualify for Made Man. “Make his bones” means to kill somebody, In

this case Tony says Lou ratted Giordano family secrets to members of the rival Catanzaro Family. Lou explains to Rabbi Solomon that Tony is lying. Rabbi Solomon says that he knows. The real motive for killing Lou is that Tony owes Lou $200,000 dollars in gambling debts and didn’t want to pay him, so he wants Lou eliminated and exploited Carlo to do it. Better for Carlo to do it because Carlo can get close to Lou and do it. Which caused a painful dilemma for Carlo because he liked Lou. But in Cosa Nostra your friend can be the whacker and you the whackee.

3. Lou explains to Rabbi Solomon that he has never ratted and that includes keeping the secret that Tony caused a Gang War when he whacked major mob boss Salvatore “Sally Cat” Catanzaro. Lou drove the getaway car. If that secret gets out, Tony’s life could be in danger.

Rabbi Solomon’s son, Sam, joined the Giordano Family as an associate along with Carlo, Rabbi Solomon is hoping that if Lou can get Carlo to quit the Cosa Nostra, perhaps Sam will do so also.

Rabbi Solomon guides Lou back to gangland on their mission: which Lou thinks is hopeless because Carlo, like Lou and all gangsters are hardwired to the vow of silence.

ACT II

Carlo’s induction to become a Made Man, Lou is there and appears for a moment to Carlo whom he recognizes as unimpressed with becoming a Made Man – which he had coveted but is now soured on as he had to kill Lou.

At Carlo’s 30^th Birthday Party: Lou appears again to Carlo, freaking him out, in front of Tony about whom Lou mentions Tony had killed Sally Cat. Lou also mentions the $200,000. Which Carlo now sees is Tony’s real motive to have Carlo kill Lou.

Desperate, Tony calls his friend, Russian Crime Boss, Oleg Oransky for a meeting to seek his counsel about these developments with Carlo supposedly seeing the ghost of Lou Tasca.

Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé) calls Zoey Plato her fellow waitress at Tony’s Cocktail Lounge, who is known as Zoey the Psychic Waitress to do a séance to get Lou out of the apartment and find out what the $200,000 is all about.

Meanwhile, Lisa (Tony’s wife) hears his admission that although he doesn’t believe in ghosts, Lou must be speaking to Carlo because Carlo is repeating things only Lou knows, i.e., Tony’s murder of Salvatore “Sally Cat” Catanzaro. Lisa is indifferent, she already figured out that Tony must have killed him.

Rabbi Solomon teaches Lou the art of spirit possessing a living person, as Lou will have to possess Carlo in order to tell Zoey to stop interfering in a divine mission of Lou and Rabbi Solomon to save Carlo’s life and soul.

Zoey and Sherrie are scared off.

In fact, Sherrie breaks the engagement with Carlo and joins Zoey in quitting the Cocktail Lounge after first telling Tony that they saw Lou’s soul possess Carlo.

While Tony

ACT III

At the séance, Lou possesses Carlo and tells Zoey to butt out. Zoey is scared off.

After the séance, intuiting that Carlo killed Lou, Sherrie breaks the engagement and goes off to room with Zoey and quit Tony’s Lounge and any connection with the mob.

Next Morning they ask Tony to fire them but not without disturbing him greatly describing how Lou spirit-possessed Carlo and spoke through him.

Tony scoffs at the idea of talking to the dead, but no sooner does he sit down and looks at the photo of his mob idol and role model, Al Bruno, murderer of a major boss, Gus Mancuso, years earlier. He asks Al Bruno what would he do in this situation in which a guy he already whacked is still talking, including secrets. “Kill Carlo in order to silence Lou once and for all” is his only conclusion which he takes to his next meeting with Oleg Oransky.

Oleg, offers to kill Carlo and Sam for him using assassins from Russia. Tony says he has a hitman lined up.

Oleg plays a tape of Don (Boss) Primo Giordano saying he will kill the trigger happy Tony Rizzo. Tony says he will kill Don Giordano and Carlo and Sam to keep the secret about his having killed “Sally Cat.”

Tony leaves and we see that Oleg is an FBI informant wearing a wire and recorded everything Tony said about his crimes.

He calls up Gina Saviano and her partner Dave Moore and they and Oleg spring off to warn Carlo and Sam that Tony Rizzo is sending a hitman to kill them.

ACT 1V

Holed up in his apartment, Carlo is still being haunted by Lou and explains to him the crisis he had when he was ordered to kill him. “I am going to Hell,” Carlo says. Lou says he knows the way out of Hell, namely, quit the mob, flip, and go into the Witness Protection Program. Which Carlo refused to do because he doesn’t want to die with the reputation that he was a rat.

After days of trying to reach Sam, Sam finally shows up but turns out to be the hitman Tony has sent to kill Carlo.

In a dramatic confrontation of Rabbi Solomon and his son (Sam) who then threatens to kill Carlo. Carlo talks Sam out of doing it and instead, joining him to surrender to the FBI where they will be sheltered from Tony by the FBI and find protection in the Witness Protection Program.

Just as they are about to leave, Sherrie and Zoey enter, as Sherrie needs to pick up some things. However, when Carlo and Sam indicate they are leaving the Cosa Nostra and seeking shelter in the Witness Protection Program, Sherrie and Carlo reunite, although they fear Tony is likely on his way.

There is a knock on the door which they fear is Tony, but it turns out to be Oleg who says he is here and the FBI will be soon, to rescue them from Tony.

Another knock on the door, to which Carlo and Sam again react with drawn handguns. “That must be Tony.”

Confidently, Oleg says, “It must be the FBI.” He opens gthe door and it is Tony who holds all of them at gunpoint. They all assert that they are going to surrender to the FBI and turn states evidence and that he should join them. But Tony calls them all rats and threatens to kill them – until Gina and Dave arrive with an entourage of FBI officers. She tells them that even “Don Primo Giordano was arrested early that morning and will turn states evidence, so Tony, you’ll be in good company.” Tony does not agree so Gina calls in Lisa, Tony’s wife, who turns out to have been, like Oleg an FBI informant. Tony agrees to surrender and turn states evidence.

Before they leave the apartment, Sam and Carlo thank the spirits of Lou Tasca and Rabbi Solomon. Although, they have departed because their mission is accomplished when Carlo and Sam agreed to quit the mob.

In a final scene, Rabbi Solomon and Lou part company and hands him a Metrocard.

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 10 LESSON 6 4723

ROBERT SMITH’s HIGH CONCEPT ELEVATOR PITCH

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

The many ways to determine high concept and pitch with the appropriate hook.

NOTE: As I have started work on a second screenplay, I’ll give my first film (script almost complete) first, title:

FIRST FILM:

GENRE: Gangster Comedy

TITLE: ANGELS IN GANGLAND

HIGH CONCEPT AND ELEVATOR PITCH:

1. To find main hook, give us what is most unique about your lead character’s journey from a big picture perspective.

Lou Tasca, is a gangster whose journey is to get into heaven by way of atonement: He

must ‘haunt’ his fellow gangster and killer (Carlo Parisi) and convince him to turn state’s

evidence – in mob-think, that means ‘turning rat,’ but when Lou starts speaking mob

secrets to and through his killer, the boss sets out to silence Lou once and for all by

killing Carlo – just the guy whose life and soul he’s trying to save.

2. Tell in most interesting way:

As Dilemma:

Lou Tasca, a slain gangster must convince his fellow gangster and his killer (Carlo Parisi) to gangster to turn rat which is more than Mission: Impossible. It’s Mission Hopeless because wiseguys are hard-wired to the Oath of Silence. Yet he must do so and quickly, it’s his only chance at redemption and heaven, But Carlo is targeted to get whacked.

As Conflict:

The spirit of a slain gangster starts speaks mob secrets about the Boss to and through a fellow soldier. The Boss decides he must silent that spirit but can only do it by killing the haunted gangster.

What’s at stake?

Will the gangster ghost who haunts his gangster killer, save his life before a hitman sent to kill him gets him first?

Goal/Unique Opposition:

A slain gangster can only get to heaven if he saves the life and soul of his gangster killer whose own life is in danger for repeating mob secrets told to him by the spirit gangster.

Elevator Pitch

A slain gangster’s only hope of getting into Heaven is to haunt, spirit possess, and convince his killer to turn rat against the mob, but it’s a race to save his life and soul (and get into heaven) when the boss sends a hitman to whack him in order to silence the haunting gangster’s spirit from spilling mob secrets.

Or

A slain gangster cannot move on to the world to come because of his life of crime unless he atones by convincing his killer to flip and turn state’s evidence. Picture: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

SECOND FILM:

GENRE: Gangster.

TITLE: “MISTER ONE WAY RIDE”

1. To find main hook, give us what is most unique about your lead character’s journey from a big picture perspective.

A ruthless gangster’s best friend is killed, can he get revenge against Al Capone before he dies of cancer?

2. Tell in most interesting way?

As Dilemma:

This ruthless gangster invented the one-way ride. But is he willing to take care of himself while being treated for cancer, or will he take revenge on Al Capone for killing his best friend?

Main Conflict:

He is the only ruthless killer feared by Al Capone. Can they survive each other?

What’s at Stake?

The prize is Boss of Chicago’s Underworld, but can this ruthless gangster and cancer patient, seize it from Al Capone? What will Capone do to hold on to it?

Goal/Unique Opposition

He’s a ruthless gangster out for revenge and becoming Boss of Chicago’s Underworld

who wants to survive cancer and topple Al Capone.

Elevator Pitch:

Which will kill this ruthless gangster, terminal cancer or Al Capone?

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 10 LESSON 4 33023

ROBERT SMITH’s 10 MOST INTERESTING THINGS.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

If you have a good story, trust it, and search and use the interesting things in it for a pitch and to expand the storyline with the producer if needed.

TEN MOST INTERESTING THINGS ABOUT “ANGELS IN GANGLAND”

1. The Hero (gangster, LOU TASCA) is murdered in the first scene but materializes immediately in the Hereafter and narrates the story which starts with Lou meeting his Guardian Angel and Spirit Guide, the late, RABBI SOLOMON LEVITSKY).

2. Rabbi Solomon tells Lou that he is denied entrance to the World to Come unless he atones for his life of crime, i.e., Lou must return to gangland and convince his killer (CARLO PARISI) to quit the mob and turn state’s evidence.

3. Rabbi Solomon wants collateral good, if Lou can get Carlo to quit the mob, his friend, the Rabbi’s gangster son (Sam) would join him.

4. The Villain antagonist Tony Rizzo ordered Carlo to kill Lou for two reasons, the primary reason being a lie. He told Carlo that Lou ratted Giordano family secrets to members of the rival Catanzaro family. The real reason Tony wants Lou eliminated is because he doesn’t want to pay him his $200,000 gambling debt.

5. Tony’s order causes Carlo an emotional dilemma. Carlo wants to become a Made Man. But to become a Made Man it is a prerequisite to “make his bones,” meaning, kill someone. Carlo wants to become a Made Man but he doesn’t want to kill Lou whom he likes. He finally yields to Tony’s order and later, amid mixed feelings is initiated into the Giordano Family’s cadre of Made Men.

6. Lou’s spirit appears to Carlo at his birthday party at which Tony and his wife Lisa are among the guests. Lou is unseen and unheard to all but Carlo but Carlo repeats dangerous secrets that others at the party hear, namely, the $200,000 dollars but most the dangerous secret, that Tony was the gunman who assassinated major mob boss Salvatore “Sally Cat” Catanzaro – which started a war between the Catanzaro and Giordano families.

7. Tony decides he has to kill Carlo because Lou’s spirit is speaking these dangerous secrets to him and Carlo is repeating them. He must also kill Sam because Sam was at the birthday party and heard the Catanzaro murder secret and if word gets out Tony may be whacked on the orders of Don Primo Giordano or the current head of the Catanzaro family.

8. Zoey the psychic waitress conducts a séance in which Carlo becomes spirit possessed by Lou.

9. REVEALS:

– Cocktail waitress, Michelle Ippolito is really FBI undercover agent Gina Saviano who has been spying on organized crime at Tony Rizzo’s mobbed-up cocktail lounge.

– Russian crime boss Oleg Oransky, who shares a gasoline bootlegging racket with Tony is also an FBI informant.

– Lisa Rizzo, Tony’s Wife, has also been an FBI informant.

– Sam Levitsky is ordered by Tony to kill Carlo after which Tony will kill Sam.

– Rabbi Solomon, now granted power by God, appears to Sam and warns him and Carlo to flee.

– Tony discovers that Don Primo Giordano is planning to kill him for the Catanzaro murder.

10. THE END:

When Sam and Carlo realize their lives are in danger they quit the mob and resolve to go

to the FBI, moreover, Tony is persuaded to do the same.

Solomon and Lou have accomplished their mission and saved more lives and souls than they had anticipated.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH MEETS PRODUCER/MANAGER

What I learned today is…?

Presenting yourself to producers and managers is to show your willing to share a co-operative journey in a marriage of creativity, flexibility with marketable scripts.

How will I will present myself to a producer?

I would present a marketable script and myself as eager to work with the producer to get my script to the screen. I would first try to get a name-actor to back the script. Most especially I would listen to what the producer needs and take notes with openness and flexibility in doing rewrites based upon the producer’s production needs and desires. I’d show him that I am glad to be a partner with him/her to get my script to the screen.

How will I will present myself to a manager?

I would present a marketable script, having first secured a name-actor for a lead or the lead character. The script would have a high concept with a hook and a winning title of my specialty genre which is Gangster Film. I’d bring other pitches and / or scripts to demonstrate my potential to continue to write marketable projects and to grow as a writer. I’d demonstrate that I am eager for taking notes and work with the manager as a partner to grow his/her career and mine.

[Robert Smith]

Robert Smith’s specialty – Gangster Genre.

What I learned by doing this assignment is…?

How crucial it is to not just watch but study the top films of your specialty genre.

The top movie I have selected are “Goodfellas” and “The Godfather.” (in 3.5)

1. “Goodfellas”

GENRE: Gangster.

TITLE: “Goodfellas” based on the true story of Henry Hill, associate of the Lucchese family in the book, Wiseguy by Nicholas Pileggi ( who collaborated with Martin Scorsese on the screenplay). .

How it delivers on the genre-conventions.

Part of mob life is that honor and respect and belonging are all part of the crime

family sub-culture which does mask the brutality, violence, depravity, and criminality of this way of life. All these characteristics are among the conventions of the gangster genre. They are delivered on by Henry’s drug use and pushing, his cheating on his wife and discovery as betraying a promise to his boss to not deal drugs.

Violence or its threat is found in many points in the story.

What leads to this criminal life is greed – the American dream of material

wealth turned nightmare. Henry loves the money and the gang is money-driven. But the dangers of the criminal life places Henry and his friends’ lives in danger from the police and other gangsters.

When Henry is busted for drugs, he violates the essential code of silence required by his criminal organization in order to conduct business.

Although loyalty, silence, and secrecy are part of this gangster way of life,

so also are its violation through disloyalty, duplicity, and treachery. Once Henry is in trouble and his betrayal of his boss is evident, his only refuge from the mob is that he turn state’s evidence, which of course is a violation of his oath of silence.

Martin Scorsese said that the gangster film is the contemporary Morality Play. So

in Goodfellas, as in other gangster films by Scorcese, the story demonstrates how this way of life leads to death and destruction of everybody involved or close to it, i.e., private families of gangsters. This is shown in Goodfellas by certainly represented in Goodfellas by the way Henry and Karen’s marriage starts with Romance and deteriorates into dysfunction, Henry cheats, What was a dream wedding sours into a dysfunctional marriage with fights and Henry’s relationship with mistresses – something ‘the life’ expects of its members. He also goes to prison. Leaving wife and children suffering.

The inherent violence of gangster life: This is demonstrated by how quickly

gangsters kill one another.

1. Henry’s friends Jimmy and Tommy kill a made man – something that will haunt them and eventually result in the execution of Tommy di Vito who killed the made man. A made man cannot be touched.

Scorsese tells Goodfellas with this murder of made man William ‘Billy Bats’ Devino is the central act of the whole story. It is a figure 8 story line. It starts with their killing Bats AND returns to that point again with the actual night of the killing

2. For no reason at all, Tommy kills Spider (a waiter at their poker games).

3. Jimmy was the leader of the greatest heist in U. S. history, the Lufthansa heist of $7 million. But Jimmy, rather than just divide the money among his henchmen, begins to eliminate them one by one rather than share the money with them.

4. Shortly after the heist, Henry is arrested for drug dealing through a network he established while in prison.

[Robert Smith]

MOVIE #2

WA ASSMT 3

SECOND FILM: “THE GODFATHER”

This is an epic film of the gangster genre and credited with elevating the genre considerably.

ACT 1

Opens with the wedding of Connie Corleone (Don Corleone’s daughter) to Carlo Rossi.

The scene stresses the value given to family, both the Corleone family and the crime family that carries that name.

Family and why someone feels honored to be part of a crime family is presented. But so is the brutal side of what is considered an honored society. As a friend of the family (Bonasera the undertaker) seeks revenge from Don Corleone upon the young men who raped his daughter. The Don refuses to murder the rapists as Bonasera’s daughter is still alive. Also, Don Corleone says the men will be punished but not executed and then secures loyalty from Bonsera by saying that he will do this favor for Bonasera must be prepared to do a favor for him (the Don) -although that time may never happen.

Bonasera also demonstrates that he has relinquished the ways of Sicily and the Mafia there and drifted from Don Corleone but The Don now chides him for coming back to him in a crisis.

Another sign of the brutality of the crime family is that for all the honor and commeraderie it claims for itself, Luca Brasi (the enforcer) is also present at the wedding. He is the killer and ‘muscle’ of the Corleone family. Even the Don doesn’t want to see Luca at his daughter’s wedding.

On the outside of the family of the family is also the youngest son Michael who is a hero of the WW2 (just ended). Like Bonasera, he too is preferring the American way of life.

SUBTEXT: The pursuit of the American Dream is introduced in Bonasera and Michael, but the Corleone family, specifically, Don Corleone has found his American Dream but through enterprising criminal activity.

Others have benefitted by being in the wider circle of family friends, especially, Johnny Fontaine, a star singer-movie star whose career has faltered and wants the Don to do something to get studio chief, Jack Woltz to get him a lead role in an upcoming film about to go into production.

Although Carlo Rossi has married his daughter Connie, Don Corleone states he does not regard him as a member of the family and must not become a part of the family business.

Tom Hayden (the lawyer stepson of the Don and his Consigliere) is sent to persuade Jack Woltz at Woltz International Pictures to cast Fontaine in the movie. Woltz rejects forthwith doing so.

Apparerntly, Luca Brasi accompanied Hayden, because after Woltz refused to cast Johnny, Woltz’s prize horse Khartoum was beheaded and the head was placed in Woltz’s bed. Woltz gives Fontaine the part.

The Turning point of Act 1 is when Virgil Sollozzo, a drug trafficker approaches Don Corleone asking for his support to drug trafficking which the Don refuses because he is certain that his political support will end if he did. However, Sonny makes the mistake of asking a question of Sollozzo which seems to undermine what the Don is saying and he is lectured by his father.

Sollozzo is supported by the Tataghlia family. Their plot is to eliminate the Don which they attempt.

NOTE: So far the conventions of a gangster film are well articulated: Family, criminal plotting, brutality and violence. Even the extra-marital affairs, as Sonny pairs up with a bridesmaid in Connie’s bridal party and has sex with her almost in front of his own wife.

ACT 2

The Don was not killed but is in critical condition in a Manhattan hospital where an attempt on his life is brewing when police chase Don Vito’s bodyguards from the hospital.

Sollozzo eliminates Luca Brasi with the help of Bruno Tataghlia and one of his hitmen. So the Corleone family is without it’s major enforcers.

The plot is clearly to eliminate Don Vito so that Sollozzo and the Tataghlia family may deal with Sonny who seems open to entering into the narcotics trafficking which Consigliere Tom Hayden said is the wave of the future.

Sollozzo abducts Tom Hayden and tells him the Don is dead and he (Hayden) must get Sonny (the presumptive heir to the Don) to make a deal with him to enter the narcotics trade with him and the Tataglia family. He presses the point to Hayden even when he realizes the Don is still alive.

Michael goes to visit his father, and contrary to assurance to his girlfriend Kay, actually asserts to his father that he is with him now.

Michael discovers that an attempt on his life is brewing when he finds that police have ordered Don Vito’s bodyguards off of the hospital building and grounds.

that he is with his father now. With a help of a nurse, Michael moves his father into another room as he expects that Sollozzo’s people are aiming to make good on their attempt to kill him. In contrast to the visitor Enzo, Michael stays calm as a car passes in front of the Hospital and Michael pretends to be reaching for a gun. The car speeds off but next police arrive and Lt. McCluskey is clearly on the payroll of Sollozzo. He punches Michael and breaks his jaw.

Later it is discovered that Luca Brasi is dead (Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes) and the Tataglia family wants a peace negotiation asking for Michael to meet with Sollozzo and lt. McCluskey in a restaurant. It is here that Michael kills both McCluskey and Sollozzo and the Five Families War is on.

We see very little of the war but Michael’s exile into Mafia care on Sicily takes us to his marriage to a Sicilian bride who is later assassinated by car bomb.

Meanwhile in New York, Connie is being abused by her husband Carlo which Sonny discovers and subsequently beats up Carlo.

Don Vito comes home from the hospital and is devasted by the news that Michael is now in the family Business – which saddens him. Also, middle brother Fredo is going to Las Vegas to learn the Casino business.

Again, Carlo beats up Connie who calls Sonny who promptly speeds off to see her and Carlo. On the way at a toll booth, Sonny is gunned down brutally. The Don brings his son’s body to Bonasera the undertaker for him to do the Don the favor he promised. Who would have guessed that the favor would be to reconstruct and embalm Sonny Corleone’s mutilated body.

This draws suspicion toward Carlo of being an operative in league with the Tataghlia family.

Don Vito wants no reprisals but wants a peace meeting. Which is presided over by Don

Barzzini. Peace is made between Don Tataghlia and Don Corleone although he warns that no harm should happen to Michael. The real puppeteer behind the whole Sollozzo affair was not Tataghlia but Barzzini.

ACT III

A year after Michael’s return to the USA, Michael visits Kay in New Hampshire and proposes marriage and that in five years the Corleone family will be legitimate. Already he has plans of relocating to Nevada.

Michael goes to Vegas in order to buy-out a Casino from Moe Greene. Greene refuses adding insult to his refusal. Fredo makes the mistake of sticking up for Moe Greene against his brother. Michael gives Fredo a lecture about never going against the family and also secures Johnny Fontaine for gigs at the Casino Night Club, asking him to get other entertainers to sign contracts, too.

Moe Greene (clearly based on Bugsy Siegel) has now turned against Corleone family and sided with Barzzini and Tataghlia.

ACT IV

Don Vito dies a natural death but not before warning Michael that his life is in danger and the friend of the family who comes to arrange a meeting with Tataghlia is a traitor and at that meeting you (Michael) will die.

At the cemetery all of gangland has turned out. Long time friend Tessio, comes to Michael and says Barzzini wants to negotiate peace at a meeting on Tessio’s territory for which Tessio will arrange security.

On the day of Michael and Kay’s son Michael Baptism, Michael sets in motion a Baptism of Blood for all the enemies of the Corleone family, Tataghlia, Cuneo, Satchi, Barzzini are all killed, and so is Carlo (who has to answer for Santino [Sonny] and the traitor Tessio who pleads to Hayden that he be spared ‘for old time’s sake.’ Hayden says it can’t be done. Tessio: “Tell Michael I always liked him. It was nothing personal, just business” a phrase that typifies the gangster attitude, that anything can be justified when it’s for the business..

Later, in Michael’s office, while the family plans its move to Nevade, Connie assails Michael with her anger and tears that Michael ordered Carlo’s death. Michael denies doing so, but Kay insists he tell her. He lies and tells Kay he did not order Carlo’s death. Then, the door shuts on the office with Kay outside as the door closes on her. A scene that says this is a secret world of crime that has a long-standing tradition – yet another convention of the gangster drama, that crime is sanctioned by a subculture of tightly knit crime family that prides itself on loyalty but is also rife with betrayal.

As far as the business end of the film: The roles (both leading and support) are rich for bankable actors and there is action throughout. It is an engrossing story based on a best selling novel of the same title, the screenplay was by the same author, Mario Puzo with Director Francis Ford Coppola..

.

[Robert Smith]

(in error was posted in Paid Writing Assignments Lesson 2.)

WIM MODULE 10 LESSON 2 MARKETABLE COMPONENTS 3623

ROBERT SMITH’S MARKETABLE COMPONMENTS.

What I learned Doing this assignmengt is… ?

Using the 10 components as a template in crafting a story/screenplay in order to make it marketable.

CURRENT LOGLINE (PITCH):

A slain gangster cannot get into the world to come unless he atones for his life of crime by returning to gangland and convincing his killer to do as he should have, i.e., quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness Protection Program. Picture: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Components with most potential for selling this script.

UNIQUE: See pitch/logline, above.

GREAT TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

TRUE: n/a

TIMELY: Gangster films are always hot.

IT’S A FIRST: A spirit of a gangster seeks redemption. It’s a gangster comedy with a ghost story supernatural element, including spirit possession.

ULTIMATE: The best gangster-ghost story.

WIDE AUDIENCE APPEAL: Audiences like gangster stories as well as ghost-angel stories.

ADAPTED FROM A POPULAR BOOK: n/a although it is a screen-adaptation of my award-winning play of the same title.

SIMILARITY TO A BOX-OFFICE SUCCESS: “Heaven Can Wait” based on the classic, “Here Comes Mr. Jordan.”

A GREAT ROLE FOR A BANKABLE ACTOR:

Lou Tasca (Lead character: spirit of a slain gangster seeking redemption). Possible Actors: Michael Imperioli or Bobby Carnavale,

Attractive Good supporting roles, also.

Rabbi Solomon Levitsky: Lou’s spirit guide (a tough-edge rabbi [nephew of a notable Jewish gangster) whose son becomes an associate in a crime family. Possible Actor:Al Pacino.

Carlo Parisi: Wiseguy and recently Made Man who killed Lou in order ‘make his bones’ and is haunted by Lou who keeps trying to talk him into flipping and entering the Witness Protection Program. Carlo wants to quit the mob but is too stuck on his loyalty and silence (omerta) oath. Made his bones by killing Lou (first scene). Actor: Michael Gandolfini of “The Many Saints of Newark.” Or Rafi Gavron of “Godfather of Harlem.”

Sherrie Falco (Carlo’s fiancé who wants him to leave the mob). Actress: Gaia Girace (Lila in “My Brilliant Friend”) or Lucy Fry of “God Father of Harlem.”

Oleg Oransky. Russian gangster, revealed late in the story to be an FBI informant. (an Akim Tamiroff-type. Heavy Russian accent.)

0

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 10 LESSON 2 MARKETABLE COMPONENTS 3623

ROBERT SMITH’S MARKETABLE COMPONMENTS.

What I learned Doing this assignmengt is… ?

Using the 10 components as a template in crafting a story/screenplay in order to make it marketable.

CURRENT LOGLINE (PITCH):

A slain gangster cannot get into the world to come unless he atones for his life of crime by returning to gangland and convincing his killer to do as he should have, i.e., quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness Protection Program. Picture: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Components with most potential for selling this script.

UNIQUE: See pitch/logline, above.

GREAT TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

TRUE: n/a

TIMELY: Gangster films are always hot.

IT’S A FIRST: A spirit of a gangster seeks redemption. It’s a gangster comedy with a ghost story supernatural element, including spirit possession.

ULTIMATE: The best gangster-ghost story.

WIDE AUDIENCE APPEAL: Audiences like gangster stories as well as ghost-angel stories.

ADAPTED FROM A POPULAR BOOK: n/a although it is a screen-adaptation of my award-winning play of the same title.

SIMILARITY TO A BOX-OFFICE SUCCESS: “Heaven Can Wait” based on the classic, “Here Comes Mr. Jordan.”

A GREAT ROLE FOR A BANKABLE ACTOR:

Lou Tasca (Lead character: spirit of a slain gangster seeking redemption). Possible Actors: Michael Imperioli or Bobby Carnavale,

Attractive Good supporting roles, also.

Rabbi Solomon Levitsky: Lou’s spirit guide (a tough-edge rabbi [nephew of a notable Jewish gangster) whose son becomes an associate in a crime family. Possible Actor:Al Pacino.

Carlo Parisi: Wiseguy and recently Made Man who killed Lou in order ‘make his bones’ and is haunted by Lou who keeps trying to talk him into flipping and entering the Witness Protection Program. Carlo wants to quit the mob but is too stuck on his loyalty and silence (omerta) oath. Made his bones by killing Lou (first scene). Actor: Michael Gandolfini of “The Many Saints of Newark.” Or Rafi Gavron of “Godfather of Harlem.”

Sherrie Falco (Carlo’s fiancé who wants him to leave the mob). Actress: Gaia Girace (Lila in “My Brilliant Friend”) or Lucy Fry of “God Father of Harlem.”

Oleg Oransky. Russian gangster, revealed late in the story to be an FBI informant. (an Akim Tamiroff-type. Heavy Russian accent.)

[Robert Smith]

PAID WRITING ASSIGNMENTS LESSON 1 3623

ROBERT SMITH’S PROJECTS AND INSIGHTS.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED FROM THE TELECONFERENCE:

1. The imperative of taking good notes and working with a producer.

2. Cultivation of a good personal and creative relationship, being open to what the producer’s needs are.

3. If your own script is turned down, follow immediately with stating your availability for writing assignments.

4. Important to pick a genre. I have chosen GANGSTER GENRE.

TWO PROJECTS:

My finished script: “Angels in Gangland.” A Gangster-Comedy.

Budget: $15-25 million.

An idea that I would like to create: “Passage from Corsica”- Genre: Gangster: Marcel Corso is a Corsican gangster and bankrobber who, while he is a new member of the Marseilles Corsican Mob, assassinates a Nazi collaborator and flees to join the French Resistance to Nazi occupation where he develops his skills as an assassin and saboteur. He returns to the Marseilles Corsican Mob after the War as a specialiste in assassination and sabotage and believes he is impervious to arrest because he is now a decorated War Hero. His journey leads him to a stint with the OAS in Algeria as an assassin – where he becomes disillusioned as he finds himself participating in France’s suppression of Algerian freedom fighters. Back in Marseilles, he becomes an architect and operative of the French Connection narcotics ring until he is taken sick in New Orleans and returns to Marseilles then to his villa on Corsica where he escapes death by an assassin acting on behalf of a rival family in an ages-old vendetta with his own. Although Interpol and Corsican law enforcement are closing in on him, Corso dies from cancer. Indeed he had escaped arrest.

Budget: $50-100 million.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

PAID WRITING ASSIGNMENTS CLASS 3623

My name is Robert “Bob” Smith. I am a retired Episcopal Priest with an avocation in theater arts. I have written comedy sketches as sermons (yep! That’s right!) and for a local improv sketch comedy group I was a member of but which I have left so I could devote myself to writing and learn screenwriting in particular.

I am especially proud of my first full length comedy, “Angels in Gangland” which I am, as a part of my studies here, adapting into a screenplay. It is a gangster comedy. I have notes for other projects. One that I will develop next is “Corso” who is a Corsican bank robber who assassinates a Nazi Collaborator and then fights with the French Resistance to Nazi Occupation before returning to the Corsican mob in Marseilles with his skills in assassination and sabotage. He is convinced he will never be arrested because he is a decorated war hero..

But “Angels” is my first and only screenplay. I’s stage version (original script) will have a live theatrical production this summer at a local theater.

I am looking forward to this course and sharing with you.

I love cinema and very much want to be in the industry and get “Angels in Gangland” sold and made.

My wife (Susan) and I live in Elkton, Maryland with our cat (Smokey).

Bob

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net 443-674-8659🎬🎥💖

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

I agree entirely with all the articles of the confidentiality agreement and shall abide by said agreement (above).

Robert R. Smith

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s PROJECT AND MARKET.

GENRE: Gangster-Comedy

TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

CONCEPT: A slain mobster cannot enter the World to Come because of his life of crime unless he atones for it by returning to gangland and convincing his killer to flip, quit the mob and enter the Witness Protection Program;. PICTURE: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

1. I will first approach actors: Michael Imperioli for the lead (Lou Tasca), Al Pacino (for his spirit guide Rabbi Solomon Levitsky). Michael Gandolfini (for the part of Carlo Parisi, the wiseguy who killed Lou Tasca).

2. Managers.

3. Producers.

What I learned today is the importance of intentionality of plans and preparedness.

[Robert Smith]

I have a gangster comedy: “Angels in Gangland.” Want to partner up?

Robert R. Smith

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net.

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 9 LESSON 2

ROBERT SMITH’s WORDSMITHING.

ONE SENTENCE VISION FOR SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM.

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS …?

Be vigilant in anti-verbosity and merciless in omitting it. Don’t get stuck on first words, they are probably not the best anyway, and after all, don’t you want your script to be read and produced?!

I am reviewing the entire script and could not complete the assignment in time, in other words, I am still doing it but very pleased with the way it’s going.

Here are two before and after changes of description and dialogue.

BEFORE:

9. INT. UPSCALE BARBER SHOP – DAY

Burly SALVATORE “SALLY CAT” CATANZARO lies on a barber chair, his face wrapped in a hot towel.

YOUNG TONY RIZZO enters. Aims his pistol at the back of Sally’s head and fires twice.

Sally’s head bursts, soaking the hot towel in blood.

Tony runs, exits.

11. EXT. STREET OUTSIDE BARBER SHOP – DAY

Young Tony dashes into a waiting Lincoln. motor running.

12. INT. LINCOLN – DAY

Lou is at the wheel.

Young Tony drops into the passenger seat.

LOU

How’d it go?

YOUNG TONY

Piece of cake. Cause of death: Serious Headache. Now, let’s get outta here.

Car speeds off.

AFTER:

9. INT. UPSCALE BARBER SHOP – DAY

Burly mob boss SALVATORE “SALLY CAT” CATANZARO reclines on a barber chair, his face wrapped in a hot towel.

YOUNG TONY RIZZO pushes the glass door open, steps inside and fires his pistol twice to the back of Sally’s head.

Sally’s head bursts. The hot towel turns blood-soaked.

Tony drops the gun, exits, flees.

11. EXT. STREET OUTSIDE BARBER SHOP – DAY

Young Tony dashes into a waiting Lincoln. engine running, door open. Young Tony dives in.

12. INT. LINCOLN – DAY

Young Tony lands in the passenger seat.

Lou Tasca is at the wheel, presses his foot to the pedal.

YOUNG TONY

Don Giordano must never know that I gave Sally Cat that serious headache. I just started a war with the Catanzeros.

LOU

Don’t get paranoid on me, Tony. Why would I tell anybody? I am your driver.

WORDSMITHING 2

BEFORE:

12. INT. CARLO VIZZINI’S MANHATTAN APARTMENT – NIGHT

The New York Skyline is visible through the large picture windows.

The occasion is CARLO’s thirtieth birthday party.

There is a large banner: “HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARLO” above the door (which has a peep-hole). The door opens into the living room from the Apartment Building hallway. There is a light switch with dimmers next to the door.

There are two archways, one to the left of the frame to the kitchen and dining room and the other arch on the right to the bedrooms and other rooms. For convenience we’ll call them the Kitchen Arch and the other the Bedroom Arch.

The living room is well-furnished: Screen Left are: End tables with lamps that flank a sofa with two matching easy chairs that form a “C” shaped semicircle around a coffee table that separates the two easy chairs.

There may be other chairs with side tables as functionally convenient and desirable.

At U. S. R. there is another archway that leads to the dining room and kitchen, O.S.R. C. S. R. is a round pedestal table being used as a dessert table Around the table are four ladderback chairs pushed up against it. On the dessert table are five each of dessert plates, forks and spoons, coffee cups and saucers, and cloth napkins. There is a coffee urn, and empty space on the dessert table for the eventual placement of the Birthday Cake.

AFTER:

13. INT. CARLO VIZZINI’S MANHATTAN APARTMENT – NIGHT

A large banner: “HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARLO.” above the door (which has a peep-hole). A light switch with dimmers is next to the door.

There are two archways, one to the left of the frame to the kitchen and dining room and on the right, an archway to the bedrooms and other rooms. For convenience we’ll call them the Kitchen Arch and the other the Bedroom Arch.

Screen Left: End tables with lamps that flank a sofa with two matching easy chairs that form a semicircle around a coffee table.

Center Screen Right: A round pedestal table (desert table) on which are: five each of dessert plates, forks and spoons, coffee mugs, cloth napkins, and one coffee urn, plus, an empty space for the eventual placement of the Birthday Cake.

WORDSMITHING #3

LINE EDITING:

BEFORE:

DON PRIMO (V.O.)

(recording.)

Tony Rizzo is a crazy one-man killing machine and he loves it. I can’t prove it but I believe it had to be Tony who whacked Sally Cat. That’s why I didn’t make Tony my Underboss. I should probably have Tony whacked before he whacks me like the way his hero Joey Gallo had Joe Colombo whacked.

Recording ends.

AFTER:

DON PRIMO (V.O.)

(recording.)

You want to know why I didn’t make Tony Rizzo my Underboss? I’ll tell you. Who has ever killed a Boss? Joey Gallo and Tony Rizzo who worships Gallo and I am convinced killed Sally Cat and I should probably take out a contract on Tony Rizzo before he does the same to me.

Not sure of how many more edits I’ll do in worsmithing.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Completed the assignment witrh three wordsmithing examples from the script

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 9 LESSON 1 21423

ROBERT SMITH HAS TESTED EVERY LINE.

ONE SENTENCE VISION FOR SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM.

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS …?

I learned the major questions and actions to take that lead to brevity.

REVIEW OF PROJECT

CONCEPT: The soul of a slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to

Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI. and enter the Witness Protection Program.

TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND”

GENRE: GANGSTER-COMEDY

5. The difference this makes:

Broad brush with focus and brevity.

6. BEFORE AND AFTER:

BEFORE:

22. INT. CARLO VIZZINI’S UPSCALE MANHATTAN APARTMENT – NIGHT

The round pedestal dessert table has been cleared and is now moved to CS. A solitary unlit candle stands at the center of the table. Still posted above the door is the banner “HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARLO.”

SFX: CRACK OF THUNDER AND FLASH OF LIGHTNING.

Seated around the table in ladderback chairs are CARLO, SHERRIE, and ZOEY. The fourth ladderback chair has been removed from sight. CARLO is drinking Turkish Coffee from an appropriately small espresso-type cup. He drinks and puts the cup down onto its saucer.

AFTER

22. INT. CARLO VIZZINI’S UPSCALE MANHATTAN APARTMENT – NIGHT

Still hanging above the door is the banner “HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARLO.”

The round pedestal dessert table is now at the center of the living room with a solitary unlit candle at center-table.

SFX: CRACK OF THUNDER AND FLASH OF LIGHTNING.

Seated around the table are Carlo, Sherrie, and Zoey.

Carlo drinks Turkish Coffee.

The difference this makes:

Broad brush with focus and brevity. Not as much verbiage. It’s clearer.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH HAS AMAZING DIALOGUE

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THIS PROGRAM.

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

The many ways to apply skills to elevate dialogue.

PROJECT REVIEW:

PITCH: A slain mobster (Lou Tasca – Protagonist) cannot move on to the World to Come because of his life of crime. He can only redeem himself if he convinces his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to flip, quit the mob and join the FBI Witness Preotection Program. PICTURE: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

GENRE: Gangster-Comedy.

TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

EXAMPLE #1.

BEFORE:

Carlo Vizzini, the man who made his bones by killing Lou Tasca has just become a Made Man, but as Tony, his captain, steps back from a congratulatory embrace, Carlo looks at Tony but like when Scrooge saw the face of Marley in the door knocker, Carlo sees Lou’s face appearing in Tony’s face and steps backward, scared.

LOU

(spooky)

Carlo. Carlo.

CARLO

Lou Tasca.

TONY

Lou?! Hey, I’m Tony. What’s this about Lou Tasca?

SILENCE

TONY

Just don’t go psycho on me. You know what I’d have to do to you. You just got made. Don’t spoil it. You are now a Man of Honor.

CARLO

And I owe it all to you, Tony.

AFTER

LOU

(spooky)

Carlo. Carlo.

CARLO

Lou Tasca.

Lou’s face vanishes and Tony’s face appears again.

TONY

Lou?! Hey, I’m Tony. What’s this about Lou Tasca?

CARLO

I don’t know why I said Lou Tasca.

TONY

I do. You still feel bad about killing a wiseguy you knew. The feeling wears off. Don’t worry. Just don’t go psycho on me. You know what I’d have to do to you. You just got made. Don’t spoil it. Enjoy it. You are now a Man of Honor.

CARLO

And I owe it all to you, Tony.

CARLO exits.

TONY looks on as Carlo exits, concerned about him.

EXAMPLE #2

BEFORE

Sherrie asks Tony to give a birthday toast.

SHERRIE

Tony, would you make a toast?

TONY:

Sure. Now that Carlo is thirty and it’s downhill all the way.

ALL force a chuckle.

TONY

On this first day of the rest of his life, let’s lift our glasses to ne of the best, loyal, good-earning friends and most recently inducted Man of Honor. To you, Carlo, Cent ann.

AFTER:

All of the above except be fore the Tony is asked to give the toast. Sherrie is showing off her diamond engagement ring and

TONY

That’s an incredible rock. You sure C.arlo didn’t heist it from the Diamond District?

EXAMPLE #3

ADDITIONAL DIALOGUE

BEFORE

After the ghost of Lou Tasca appears to Carlo (his killer) and Carlo is startled. There is no further mention of it by Mob Captain Tony Rizzo to indicate whether Tony Rizzo believes Carlo is insane or he really believes Carlo saw the ghost of Lou Tasca (who Tony ordered Carlo to murder.)

REVISION AND ADDITIONAL DIALOGUE:

BEFORE

TONY

(to Lisa, his wife)

What do you make of Carlo claiming to see the ghost of Lou Tasca?

LISA

I don’t see why it couldn’t be possible. Remember when Aunt Flora cdame to visit from Cleveland and she woke us all up screaming that she was just visited by her Sister Francesca?

TONY

How could I ever forget. She insisted you call the priest over to do an exorcism – at four o’clock in the morning!

LISA

Well, he did say a prayer and Francesca did not appeared again.

TONY

Well, that’s because Aunt Flora flew back to Cleveland. Was it on a commercial jet or on a broomstick?

LISA

Aunt Flora is not a strega. She’s not the type of person to make up the story of Aunt Francesca and I don’t think Carlo would have made up the ghost of Lou Tasca. You’re having second thoughts. How come?

TONY

Carlo mentioned something that only Lou could have told him.

LISA

About the two hundred thousand dollars?

TONY

I mean something bigger. It’s the secret of who killed Salvatore ‘Sally Cat’ Catanzaro. Lou was in on the secret.

LISA

I knew you killed Sally Cat.

TONY

How do you know.

LISA

That day you were extra hyper and you left with your gun. Next morning the headline splashed on the Daily News front page was: CATANZARO DEAD with a photo of him on the barbershop floor. I just added two and two equals you killed Sally Cat. How did Lou know?

TONY

Lou Tasca was my getaway driver.

AFTER:

TONY

(to Lisa, his wife)

What do you make of Carlo claiming to see the ghost of Lou Tasca?

LISA

I don’t see why it couldn’t be possible. Remember when Aunt Flora cdame to visit from Cleveland and she woke us all up screaming that she was just visited by her Sister Francesca?

TONY

How could I ever forget. She insisted you call the priest over to do an exorcism – at four o’clock in the morning!

LISA

Well, he did say a prayer and Francesca did not appear again.

TONY

Well, that’s because Aunt Flora flew back to Cleveland. Was it on a commercial jet or on a broomstick?

LISA

Aunt Flora is not a strega. She’s not the type of person to make up the story of Aunt Francesca and I don’t think Carlo would have made up the ghost of Lou Tasca. You’re having second thoughts that it was Lou Tasca’s ghost. How come?

TONY

Carlo mentioned something that only Lou could have told him.

LISA

About the two hundred thousand dollars?

TONY

Bigger.

LISA

What could be bigger than two hundred thousand dollars.

TONY

The secret of who killed Salvatore Catanzaro. Lou was in on the secret.

LISA

Yeah, Carlo looked in your direction and said “He killed Sally Cat? Yeah, I knew that killed Sally Cat.

TONY

How do you know?

LISA

That day you were extra hyper and you left with your gun. Next morning the headline splashed on the Daily News front page was: CATANZARO DEAD with a photo of him on the barbershop floor. I just added two and two equals you killed Salvatore Catanzaro. How did Lou know?

TONY

Lou was my getaway driver.

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 8 LESSON 6 2523

ROBERT SMITH HAS INCREDIBLE MONOLOGUES

ONE SENTENCE VISION FOR SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM.

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS …?

Development of monologues but also not artificially creating one where there is no demand for it.

REVIEW OF PROJECT

CONCEPT: The soul of a slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to

Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI. and enter the Witness Protection Program.

TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND”

GENRE: GANGSTER-COMEDY

MONOLOGUES:

#1. LOU TASCA OPENING MONOLOGUE

INT. A PLACE OF DARKNESS BETWEEN TWO WORLDS – NIGHT

Lou Tasca LOU TASCA emerges from the dark and comes into focus. He is 50’s, wears a sports jacket.

LOU

My name is Lou Tasca. I was a gangster. Now I’m dead. This is my story.

Carlo Vizzini emerges from the darkness. His face is tortured with doubt, guilt, and remorse for having killed Lou. .

LOU (V.O.) (CONT’D)

That’s the wiseguy who whacked me. With two bullets to my head, Carlo Vizzini gave me what we call a “serious headache.” He was a friend. We both belonged to the same crew. But. In this thing of ours, when a crew Captain – like our own Tony Rizzo gives the order – as he did – your friend becomes the whack-er and you become the whack-ee.

Carlo takes out Rosary Beads and starts to say the Rosary, kisses the cross and puts away the Beads when he hears…

SFX: Police sirens.

Carlo flees back into the darkness.

BACK TO:

LOU (CONT’D)

I can’t tell you my wiseguy-story without telling you the story of Rabbi Solomon Levitsky. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have a story, I knew Rabbi Sol and his son, growing up in the old Bronx neighborhood in the shadow of the Cathedral of Baseball. That’s Yankee Stadum, by the way, for those of you who are out-of-towners. Rabbi Sol cared about gangsters. For him, it started when he got his rabbinical degree. He didn’t want to be a pulpit+Rabbi. But his Uncle Max got him an accounting job in the Garment District. His Uncle Max was with the Jewish Bugs-Meyer Mob. That’s right, a religious Jewish family still had a gangster. Anyway, Rabbi Solomon Levitsky was my Rabbi and I wasn’t even Jewish.

#2. MONOLOGUE OF RABBI SOLOMON LEVITSKY (70) (Spirit Guide of protagonist Lou Tasca). Father of Giordano Family Associate, Sam Levitsky.

Monologue is a prayer when he fails to convince Sam (his son) not to become a gangster.

SOLOMON (V.O.).

Lord of the Universe: I have failed as a Father and as a Rabbi. .I thought you gave me a special mission to restore the souls of gangster-transgressors. But. Now. I cannot even rescue my son from a gangster life. Forgive me, Lord of the Universe. Stand with me and I will stand with you and bring home the lost. Amen.

TURNING POINT: Solomon becomes the spirit guide of Lou Tasca in the afterlife in order guide him to atone for his life of crime by returning to gangland to convince his killer (Carlo) to do as he should have done and quit the mob and join the FBI Witness Protection Program. f

__

#3. MONOLOGUE OF TONY RIZZO (ANTAGONIST)

1. High stakes: Giordano Crime Family Crew Captain Tony Rizzo, who had ordered Carlo Vizzini to whack Lou Tasca has heard Carlo claim to see Lou Tasca and repeats things that only Lou Tasca could have known and could have told him.

2. Set up: This has been set up by Carlo’s claiming to be actively seeing the ghost of Lou Tasca and repeating a terrible secret (that he (Tony) was the killer of a major boss, Salvatore “Sally Cat” Catanzaro – a fact which, if discovered, could lead to Tony being killed as revenge by the Catanzaro family, or his arrest, if word reaches the police or FBI.

3. Trigger: The upsetting acting out of Carlo at his birthday party when Lou appears (only to Carlo) and tells him the secrets.

4. Insight into Tony’s character: He’s a killer. Insight into situation: Mob life is fraught with murder as a means of survival,

5. It is a turning point as Tony feels the impetus to kill Carlo

TONY (V.O.)

(to himself.)

Carlo says he saw the ghost of Lou Tasca who was talking to him. It defies all logic But. How else could Carlo know about the two-hundred G’s unless Lou told him? Same with the secret that I whacked a major boss, Salvatore “Sally Cat” Catanzaro. Lou was in on the secret, only Lou could have told Carlo. If word gets around, I could be revenge-killed by the Catanzaro Family or if the police hear, I could get a life sentence. Do I have to kill Carlo in order to silence Lou Tasca for good?

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH LOVES COVERING SUBTEXT.

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THE PROGRAM:

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS …?

The fun of reviewing subtext dialogue. Even though I have not included all scenes I revised. I have the scene below. I have already done a great deal of subtext in the script, I discovered. .

REVIEW OF PROJECT

CONCEPT: The soul of a slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to

Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI. and enter the Witness Protection Program.

TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND”

GENRE: GANGSTER-COMEDY

Rabbi Solomon Levitsky just learned his son became a gangster.

SCENE 2

SOLOMON

This is not the way I raised you, Shmuley.

SAM; ATTACKS BACK (SUBTEXT)

SAM

Well, I can’t live the way you raised me. And my name is not Shmuley! It’s Sam. By the way, aren’t you being hypocritical? I mean, what about your Uncle Max who ran with the Bugs-Meyer Mob? You called him a hero.

SILENCE – SUBTEXT REWRITE. SOLOMON CAUGHT OFF-GUARD.

SOLOMON

I was wrong. But. You have to understand, back then, to us ordinary Jews, the Jewish gangsters were our only protectors from antisemites. American Nazis had a rally in Madison Square Garden in thirty-nine.

FLASHBACK

INSERT – Archival footage of the Nazi Rally in Madison Square Garden, 1939.

3. EXT. FACADE OF THE OLD MADISON SQUARE GARDEN – NIGHT

NAZIS exit the Garden, in front of them, dapper dressed young Jewish gangsters, including YOUNG UNCLE MAX, approach the well-lit facade holding baseball bats.

Young Uncle Max kneecaps a NAZI who falls moaning in agony.

Young Uncle Max hits the Nazi again.

YOUNG UNCLE MAX

Take that for Kristalnacht, you Nazi son of bitch!

NAZIS and JEWISH GANGSTERS START A STREET FIGHT.

SFX: Police whistles.

Young Uncle Max is arrested by NYPD OFFICERS before Max could strike again.

INSERT – Archival footage of the Israeli War of Independence.

4. INT. A HALL DECORATED WITH FLAGS OF ISRAEL – NIGHT

Young Uncle Max and DAVID BEN-GURION Shaking hands.

.

SOLOMON (V..O.)

Then, in forty-seven, when the Arabs threatened to drive us into the sea, Max ran guns to the Haganah. Even received personal thanks from David Ben-Gurion.

END OF FLASHBACK.

BACK TO:

5. INT. THE STUDY OF RABBI SOLOMON LEVINSKY – DAY

SOLOMON

The Rabbis and other leaders condemned the violence of the gangsters. They were still criminals connected to Lucky Luciano and the Cosa Nostra.

SUBTEXT REWRITE – SAM MAKES A JOKE OF IT

SAM

The Jewish gangsters were the Kosher Nostra.

SOLOMON

It’s not funny!

SAM

Why did you take in Uncle Max?

SOLOMON

He was my uncle. He was sick. He was crippled by an attempted hit. For all his gangster money he was dying penniless and in torment. He finally did repentance. I finally got him o synagogue on Yom Kippur, He repented and now, this is the life you choose? Well, you won’t splash me with your blood money! You’re dead to me. Go!

Solomon tears his breast pocket, a traditional gesture of mourning.

Sam walks off in dejection, exits. Solomon is alone.

SOLOMON (CONT’D)

(Praying, remorsefully.)

Lord of the Universe, I have failed as a father and I have failed you as a Rabbi. I can’t even rescue my own son from a gangster life. Forgive me, Lord of the Universe, Forgive.

LOU (V,O,)

Rabbi Solomon Levinsky was the first soul that I met when I faced the music for my life of crime.

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 8 LESSON 3 11823

ROBERT SMITH’S ANTICIPATORY DIALOGUE

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THE PROGRAM:

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS …?

The variety and uses of anticipatory dialogue.

REVIEW OF PROJECT

CONCEPT: The soul of a slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to

Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI. and enter the Witness Protection Program.

TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND”

GENRE: GANGSTER-COMEDY

ANTICIPATORY DIALOGUE IN ‘ANGELS IN GANGLAND”

Direct Prediction: Dying gangster Frankie Gazzo hears a voice telling him to tell Rabbi Solomon that God has given him a special charge to rescue the souls of gangsters. This sets the direction of Solomon’s journey throughout the story. Including the set-back that he cannot save his own son (SAM) from pursuing the life of a gangster which leads him to the despair that he has failed as a father and as a rabbi – to fulfill his charge of rescuing the souls of gangsters. He will compensate for this by being spirit guide to mobster Lou Tasca and leading him to getting to the World to Come by persuading his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to flip and join Witness Protection, with the collateral good that his wayward son (Sam), Carlo’s friend will follow him and do likewise..

Indirect prediction/Warning/imply consequences: Rabbi Solomon alludes to a Talmudic story about how King Solomon allied himself with demons only to be harmed by their shapeshifting leader. He uses this story as a allegorically to warn his son, Sam, about the harm that will come to him because he became an associate of the Giordano Crime Family.

Countdown: Lou to Solomon: “We have to get Carlo to flip and join Witness Protection before Tony Rizzo gets to him with a gun”

Countdown: Sam to Carlo, to quit talking about flipping in 3 seconds or he’ll shoot him. Tension builds, of course he doesn’t and joins Carlo and flips. Much to the relief of Lou and Sam’s father Rabbi Solomon.

Create a reputation for the villain: Antagonist Tony Rizzo, makes unwanted sexual advances on a waitress of his Cocktail Lounge, namely, Michelle Ippolito, who is in a major reveal, happens to be Gina Saviano, FBI undercover agent spying on the Cosa Nostra’s activities in Tony’s Cocktail Lounge, owned by Tony Rizzo, crew captain in the Giordano family. Crew members include: Lou Tasca (deceased), Carlo Vizzini (his killer) and Sam Levitsky (associate) who is Carlo’s friend and the wayward son of Rabbi Solomon Levitsky, spirit guide of the spirit of Lou Tasca. Tony Rizzo’s idol is ‘70’s gangster Crazy Joe Galo who is his idol. He even dresses like Gallo, all black clothing, including sun glasses indoors.

Create a reputation for another character: Carlo Vizzini feels pressured into a mob role and to become a Made Man, because he is a descendant of the family of the late Don Calo Vizzini, a Mafia boss of bosses in Sicily which means Carlo is in the Mafia royal family.

Shield from consequences in advance: Solomon assures Lou that although his mission is tough, he will be with him coaching him. He will make it to the world to come because he will get Carlo to flip and go into Witness Protection.

How?

Confront Carlo who is hiding from future consequences: Carlo doesn’t want to flip because it will set him up for assassination, so Lou assures him that his place of refuge from the mob is in the FBI Witness Protection Program.

Imply hopelessness: Lou balks at his mission and believes it is Mission: Hopeless because Carlo is not going to flip, as he is just as hard wired to the oath of Omerta (silence) as he (Lou) was, moreover, Carlo is motivated by keeping a Cosa Nostra family tradition as he is a descendant of the family of Sicilian boss of bosses, Don Calo Vizzini. Rabbi Solomon says there is always hope.

Confront someone hiding from a future consequence: Antagonist Tony Rizzo will go to prison but everybody in the cast who has already flipped confront him and can’t get him to flip.

A challenge issued: To antagonist, Tony Rizzo. To convince him to flip along with Oleg, Carlo, and Sam, and it turns out Don Primo Giordano who was arrested has flipped and will ‘rat out’ his crime family, including Tony.. Tony finally trashes the oath of silence when his own wife (Lisa), who has become an FBI informant, says he should do it for their marriage and the kids. He finally flips.

Silence at a strange time: Zoey the spirit medium who led the Séance in which she talks with the spirit of Lou Tasca and he spirit possesses Carlo.

ZOEY

I was going to move out to Jersey and open

my own Psychic Reader business. But I couldn’t.

TONY

How come?

ZOEY

My neighborhood isn’t zoned for

Psychic Readers.

TONY

You mean, you didn’t know that?

SILENCE

After Zoey exits. Tony mocks the Séance

TONY

(mocking.)

“Talking to the dead”! Hah!

Then Tony turns his swivel chair around, faces the photo portrait of his idol, ‘70’s gangster Crazy Joe Gallo.

TONY

W-W-J-D. What would Joey do?

Come on Joey, talk to me.

,

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 8: LESSON 2 BANTER 11723

ROBERT SMITH LOVES ATTACK / COUNTERATTACK DIALOGUE

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THE PROGRAM:

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS …?

Important to remember attack / counter attack dialogue is rich and entertaining.

REVIEW OF MY PROJECT

CONCEPT: The soul of a slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to

Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI. and enter the Witness Protection Program.

TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND”

GENRE: GANGSTER-COMEDY

a. A scene from “Angels in Gangland” that uses the attack / counter attack banter. structure of Setup / Major Twist,

Ala Legally Blonde dinner scene.

Lou Tasca’s spirit-guide, Rabbi Solomon Levitsky explains why Lou’s life of crime disqualifies him from hopping onto a train to the World to Come.

A Judgement Scene. Lou Tasca and the Judge Rabbi Solomon Levitsky.

SOLOMON

You have a problem: You can’t move on to the world to come because of the condition of your soul. It’s all here in your C-I-A file.

(Reading the file.)

You have a record of –

LOU

Whoa! My C-I-A file?! Do you mean to tell me, that you guys here in the Hereafter get information about my soul from the Central Intelligence Agency?

SOLOMON laughs.

LOU (CONT’D)

What’s so funny?

SOLOMON

C-I-A does not stand for Central Intelligence Agency. It stands for “Compendium of Infinite Actions” “The Book of Life”! A committee of big-shot angels changed it to get the C-I-A acronym They said it would modernize and make the Book of Life relevant for a new crop of souls. I told them it would confuse people and now you are proving my point.

LOU

Well, in plain American, what is this Book?

SOLOMON

The Book of Life or the Compendium of Infinite Actions: Those are the imprints of your deeds upon the world for good or for ill. Good deeds are your “Metrocard” to your Home-Train and that’s where you have a problem.

LOU

I did good for lots of people!

SOLOMON

(Reading over the file.)

Well, let’s see what we have here. According to your C-I-A file: You did donate turkeys to a homeless shelter for Thanksgiving. You helped a neighbor with the rent.

LOU

Shouldn’t that get me a Metrocard?

SOLOMON

But you stole the turkeys from a truck that you hijacked and you made the Landlord “an offer he couldn’t refuse.”

LOU

I was also a volunteer at St. Anthony’s Church.

SOLOMON

You were also a loan shark. The priest told you to put up a message on the church sign: “Pray without ceasing.” But you made it “Pay without ceasing.” How do you explain that?

LOU

Freudian slip. On the up-side, the Poor Box hit the jackpot!

SOLOMON

Listen! That is how your C-I-A file reads all the way through.

LOU

Do you have to rub it in?

SOLOMON

Yes! That is the bad news. Now, the good news. It is written: “No human being is entirely good or entirely bad.” In other words, there is always hope.

END OF SCENE

LESSON COMPLETED

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 8 LESSON 1 11623

ROBERT SMITH’S DIALOGUE STRUCTURES

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THE PROGRAM:

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS …?

Important structures to keep a story moving and interesting. .

REVIEW OF PROJECT

CONCEPT: The soul of a slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to

Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI. and enter the Witness Protection Program.

TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND”

GENRE: GANGSTER-COMEDY

a. A scene from “Angels in Gangland” that uses the structure of Setup / Major Twist,

Ala Legally Blonde dinner scene.

Previously in “Angels in Gangland.”

At the Séance to expel the spirit of slain mobster LOU TASCA from haunting his killer’s (CARLO VIZZINI) apartment, and Carlo himself, something unexpected happens, i.e., Lou spirit-possesses Carlo and wars Psychic Waitress ZOEY (the Séance-conductor) to butt out because she is interfering in a divine mission to save the life and soul of Carlo Vizzini by Lou Tasca and his spirit-guide, RABBI SOLOMON LEVITSKY. Frightened, Zoey decides to get as far away as far away from the Cosa Nostra pervaded environment in which she lives as mob capo Tony Rizzo’s gumar (mistress) and waitress at his Tony’s Cocktail Lounge, headquarters for Rizzo’s crew of the Giordano crime family. SHERRIE FALCO (Carlo’s fiancé) also works there as a waitress and she leaves Carlo and rooms with Zoey and also decides to quit the mob scene completely and the cocktail lounge, as did her fellow waitress, MICHELLE IPPOLITO, who was actually revealed to be an FBI undercover agent spying on organized crime ( major reveal) at the Cocktail Lounge headquarters.

INT. TONY’S COCKTAIL LOUNGE – OFFICE – DAY

Tony Rizzo is already seated at his dingy cluttered desk. Behind his chair is a photo portrait of ’70;s gangster Crazy Joe Gallo – Tony’s idol, even dresses like him: sunglasses, black shirt, black tie.

Zoey and Sherrie enter, cross and seat themselves at Tony’s desk.

TONY

I am glad you wanted to meet with me. I have been

wanting to have a heart-to-heart with you.

ZOEY

You have?

TONY

Of course.

ZOEY

Alright. You go first.

TONY

Well, ever since Michelle left, I haven’t been able to

Replace her. And I have been working you girls like

Slaves.

ZOEY

And?

TONY

And in appreciation, I giving both of you a raise.

ZOEY and SHERRIE

A raise?

TONY

Isn’t that what you wanted to see me about?

ZOEY and SHERRIE

No.

TONY

Then what do you want?

ZOEY

We want you to fire us.

SHERRIE

The way you fired Michelle, so we can collect unemployment insurance.

TONY

(to Zoey.)

Does this mean we’re through?

ZOEY

Our relationship has no future.

TONY

Sure there’s a future. We continue in the future to have fun in the present

just as we have in the past.

ZOEY

We have to do the right thing. For you, the right thing

is reconciling with your wife..

TONY

And for you?

ZOEY

Giving your wife a humongous apology.

TONY

Don’t do it! You’ll blow the cover off all the lies I told her to

cover-up our affair. How are you going to make a living?

ZOEY

Well, at first I was going to move out on the Island and open up

my own Psychic Reading Business. But there is a problem. The

neighborhood isn’t zoned for Psychic Readers.

TONY

You mean, you didn’t know that?

SILENCE

TONY

What about you, Sherrie?

SHERRIE

I’m sticking with Zoey for the time being. Meanwhile,

I broke the engagement with Carlo.

TONY

He got too looney for you, huh? Hey, what happened at the Séance?

ZOEY

That’s a confidentiality with my client.

TONY

Well, both of youse already talked about the Séance to other people around the Lounge and you weirded them out. Why can’t I be weirded out?

ZOEY

We asked you to fire us and you haven’t fired us yet.

TONY

You have to do something to deserve to get fired.

SHERRIE

Like?

TONY

Tell me what happened at the Séance.

ZOEY

Lou Tasca’s spirit possessed Carlo and told us

to butt out because there is a divine mission

to save the life and the soul of Carlo.

TONY

Wait. Lemme get this straight. The spirit of Lou Tasca possessed Carlo and spoke through Carlo?

ZOEY

That’s the straight dope.

TONY

Reminds me of Voodoo.

ZOEY

Or the Zar religion in Egypt.

TONY

Did Carlo or Lou or whoever the f**k say anything about the two hundred G’s?

SHERRIE

Lou said the two-hundred thousand dollars were more cursed than the tomb of King Tut.

TONY

You two are just as looney as Carlo.

ZOEY

So?

TONY

So, what?!

ZOEY

We told you about the Séance. Aren’t you going to fire us?

TONY

You two are so fired! Get outta here!

Sherrie and Zoey exit

Tony swings his chair around to face Joey Gallo’s portrait on the wall.

TONY

(To the Gallo portrait.)

Double-U, double-U, J-D? What would you do Joey? Talk to me.

END OF SCENE

LESSON COMPLETE

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 7 LESSON 5 11023

ROBERT SMITH’S ELEVATED DIALOGUE.

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THE PROGRAM:

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING TJHIS ASSIGNMENT IS …?

I only partially completed the assignment. But the method of passing a profile over a

character’s dialogue to make dialogue authentically “in character” is highly useful and

necessary in elevating a script.

REVIEW OF PROJECT

CONCEPT: The soul of a slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to

Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI. and enter the Witness Protection Program.

TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND”

GENRE: GANGSTER-COMEDY

LEAD CHARACTERS:

PROTAGONIST (Lead): Lou Tasca. The slain gangster searching for a

metrocard to his Home-Train to the World to Come.

PROTAGONIST’S FRIEND: Rabbi Solomon Levinsky, Lou’s spirit guide

in convincing Carlo Vizzini to the quit the mob. Solomon’s son, Sam is a friend of Carlo and Solomon hopes that if Lou can get Carlo to quit the mob, a collateral good might happen, i.e., Sam (Carlo’s friend, Solomon’s son) also quits.

ANTAGONIST: Tony Rizzo, Crew Captain who ordered Carlo to kill Lou

so he (Tony) wouldn’t have to pay Lou a $200,000 gamBling debt.

ASSIGNMENT:

Tell how many lines rewritten (3 examples).

1. Dialogue was fixed to show rather than tell backstory.

Rabbi Solomon explains how he realized he had a calling to rescue the souls of gangsters when he prayed for a dying Catholic gangster (Frankie Gazzo) in the Garment District who says “What is a Rabbi doing in a hellhole like this? God must have a special purpose for you.” As he swoons in death Frankie says, “I hear a Voice say, ‘Solomon son of Mordechai. I send you to save the lost sheep in Gangland like Frankie Gazzo.’”

2. The Backstory of how there was gangster influence into Rabbi Solomon’s otherwise religious Jewish family:

A flashback of Solomon’s Uncle Max who ran with the Bugs-Meyer mob (the Kosher Nostra) who busted Nazi kneecaps at the Nazi Rally in Madison Square Garden in ’39 and ran guns to the Haganah in ’47 when Israel was in danger of destruction by Arab Aggressors.

These flashbacks would be accomplished through archival footage and reenactment.

PURPOSE: Rabbi Solomon, considered Uncle Max a hero for protecting the Jewish community from antisemites in America and Arab Agression in the Middle East. Unfortunately, it introduced his son, Sam, to gangster life which he entered to the great upset of Rabbi Solomon who then disowns his son when he becomes an associate of the Giordano family along with his son Carlo (who would eventually assassinate Protagonist Lou Tasca.

3. Rabbi Solomon prays, asking God to forgive him for being a failure as a father and as a Rabbi for failing to realize his calling to save the lost souls of Gangland.

PURPOSE: Set up: Rabbi Solomon’s calling to save gangsters souls is given opportunities beyond the grave when he becomes spirit guide to Lou Tasca who can only reach the World to Come by rectifying his life of crime with a supreme good, i.e., talking his killer (Carlo Vizzini) into flipping and going into Witness Protection.

4. After Rabbi Solomon shows Lou numerous episodes from his past of transgressions.

LOU

Rabbi, how is it that you can show me all this?

SOLOMON

Let’s put it this way, the Compendium of Infinite Actions (change

to: The Book of Life) is a whole library and like any library, it has an audio-visual department.

Will continue to use the method taught in this assignment in polishing up my final draft.

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 7 LESSON 4 JAN 2 2022

ROBERT SMITH’S ELEVATED INTEREST

MY VISION OF SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED FROM DOING HIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

Well, this assignment and lesson was so inspiring it sent me on a creative binge that I am

still in. Whatever I submit below is only partial of the work that I am continuing.

CHANGES:

SCENE 4: (uncomfortable moment) Rabbi Solomon, upon learning his son has become an associate of a Mafia crime family, declares that his son (Sam/Shmuley) is dead to him.

His son retorts that his dad is hypocritical because his father’s Uncle Max ran with the Bugs-Meyer Mob (the so-called Kosher Nostra), and his dad said he was a hero for busting bones at the Nazi Rally in Madison Square Garden (in ’39) and running guns to the Haganah in 1947 (these scenes are expressed through archival footage and enactment).

SCENE 4: After he can’t convince Sam to quit the mob, Solomon says Sam is dead to him and Solomon sits Shivah and prays God to forgive him for failing as a father and as a Rabbi. (This is a set up for how Solomon (from beyond the grave with Lou Tasca (Protagonist) tries to still get his son to quit the mob along with Carlo Vizzini, the assassin of Lou Tasca.)

SCENE 8: Introduction of the Antagonist and a set up for a major payoff reveal.

Mob Captain (Tony Rizzo) and owner of mob-hangout Tony’s Cocktail Lounge, makes sexual advances on cocktail waitress Michelle Ippolito who grabs Tony’s arm and twists it into a hammerlock. (She is later revealed to be an FBI undercover agent spying on the activity of the Giordano family of which Tony’s Crew (that includes murdered Lou Tasca (Protagonist), Carlo Vizzini (Lou’s assassin) and Carlo’s friend Sam Levinsky (Rabbi Solomon’s gangster son) is affiliated.

Also Scene 8: Inciting incident.

Uncomfortable moment. Tony Rizzo, wants to present Carlo Vizzini to become a Made Man. But first he has to ‘make his bones’ which Tony orders him to do by whacking Lou Tasca (Protagonist) whom Carlo likes. Internal dilemma for Carlo. Tony claims Lou is a rat (totally untrue – Tony secretly wants Lou out of the way because he doesn’t want to pay Lou $200,000 in gambling debts). This lie angers the soul of Lou Tasca who is given retrospective observance of the circumstances. Lou feels especially betrayed by Tony Rizzo because he was loyal to the point of having been his getaway car driver when Tony whacked super-boss Salvatore “Sally Cat” Catanzaro – revisited in a flashback.

Lou and Rabbi Solomon in their spirit forms are on a mission to convince Carlo Vizzini and the Rabbi’s son, Sam Levinsky to quit the mob and join FBI witness protection. This is Lou’s redemptive act so that his soul can move on to the World to Co

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s DRAMATIC REVEALS.

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THIS PROGRAM.

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

How to do Analyses of the nature and most effective expression of a reveal and to remember these have a big impact on the success of a story.

PITCH: A slain mobster (Lou Tasca – Protagonist) cannot move on to the World to Come because of his life of crime. He can only redeem himself if he convinces his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to flip, quit the mob and join the FBI Witness Preotection Program. PICTURE: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

GENRE: Gangster-Comedy.

TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

Reveals:

1^st act: Tony fears his crime family is saturated with NYPD and FBI undercover agents and informants.

Cocktail waitress Michelle Ippolito is set up for a reveal later as an FBI undercover agent.

So are Russian mobster Oleg Oransky and even Mob Capo Tony Rizzo’s wife, Lisa. By mob criteria they are all Rats.

Rabbi Solomon Levinsky, once left Judaism for Buddhism, then converted to Christianity

which led him back to Judaism, when he discovered that Jesus was not a Christian

but a Jew, as ‘kosher’ as he was raised. “Call me the only Jew led back to

Judaism from Christianity by Jesus.”

Solomon’s own Uncle Max was a member of the Bugs Meyer Mob which had ties to

Murder, Inc. Solomon regarded Uncle Max as a hero (a protector of the Jewish

community) for having busted Nazi bones at the notorious Nazi Rally at Madison Square Garden in ’39 and running guns to the Haganah just before the Israeli War of Independence in ’48. In any case, Max influenced Solomon’s son Sam who abandoned the observant Jewish tradition in which his father Solomon had raised him and Sam became an associate of the Giordano crime family with his friend Carlo Vizzini.

Giordano Family Boss, Don Primo Giordano in fact regards Tony Rizzo as a liability because he killed rival-boss Salvatore “Sally Cat” Catanzaro which started a gang war.

REVEALS – DEMAND REVEAL or DRAMATICALLY WRITTEN.

1. 1^st act: Tony fears his crime family is saturated with NYPD and FBI undercover agents and informants. Provoking a crime family feeling of fear expressed by the question: ‘Who is the rat?”

This is dramatically written in dialogue, stated by Tony in dialogue with Carlo when he orders Carlo to kill Lou under suspicion that he could be a rat because he had already ratted Giordano family secrets to a rival crime family. But this is a lie and a ruse, he is claiming that Lou is a rat but his real reason for eliminating Lou is that Tony doesn’t want to pay Lou the $200,000 in gambling debts that he owes him.

2. Cocktail waitress Michelle Ippolito is revealed to be an FBI undercover agent. Dramatically written in Act 3 when it is just disclosed by Oleg in a phone call. The reveal was set up in Act 1 and it will come as a surprise because when Tony sexually assaulted him, she twisted his arm like a cop.

3. So are Russian mobster Oleg Oransky and his henchman Greesha (Greg Sokolov)

Dramatically set up in Act 1 when Lou feels suspicious that the bi-lingual Greesha who is a Mets fan doesn’t seem to add up as a real person.

4. Even Tony Rizzo’s wife, Lisa is an FBI informant. By mob criteria they are all Rats. This is the final reveal in an effort to get Tony to see it’s okay to be a rat, along with Carlo, Sherrie, Sam, and Oleg and ultimately, Don Primo Giordano who consented upon arrest to want to cooperate with the FBI.

The final scene is a finale of #2-5 above a comic melee around the subject of how it is so okay to be a rat working for the FBI to stop crime.

Each reveal is done with shock-effect and humor.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’S ELEVATED EMOTION!

MY VISION FOR AFTER THIS PROGRAM

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

It is fun to intensify the emotional experience of the scenes.

LIST OF SCENES FROM ‘ANGELS IN GANGLAND’

The pitch: Slain gangster (Lou Tasca), learns from his spirit guide (Rabbi Solomon Levinsky) that he cannot get into heaven until, he rectifies his life of crime by convincing his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, flip, and join the FBI Witness Protection Program.

Scene 2 Essenc: Rabbi Solomon is let down when he learns that his son (Sam Levinsky) has joined his friend Carlo and become a gangster, so he he disowns him.

How intensified: Sam increases his opposition to his father Solomon calling him hypocritical, reminding his father of a family secret, i.e., that his father’s Uncle Max was a gangster in the Bugs-Meyer Mob (the ‘Kosher Nostra’) whom Solomon regarded as a hero because Max beat up American Nazis at their 1939 Madison Square Garden rally and ran guns with mob boss Longie Zwillman to the Haganah in Palestine in 1947.

Further intensified: Painfully, when Solomon cannot persuade his son to quit the mob, he prays intensely, for God to forgive him for his failure as both a father and rabbi.

Scene 6 Essence: Lou struggles as he relives that night the love of his life (Marybeth) broke up with him because he wouldn’t quit the mob.

How intensified: Lou begs Young Lou in the vision to quit the mob and don’t lose Marybeth. ‘Follow your heart or later on you’ll end up with two bullets in your head.’ Of course Young Lou cannot hear Lou as this is a vision of the past and Marybeth breaks up with him – a terrible loss that would have an impact on him for the rest of his life until he was killed by two bullets in his head from the gun of Carlo Vizzini.

Scene 9 Essence: Tony’s Cocktail Lounge waitress, Michelle Ippolito gives Mob Capo Tony Rizzo her two week notice that she is leaving.

How intensified: Tony attempts sexual assault but Michelle defends herself by twisting Tony’s arm into a hammerlock. When she frees him, Tony fires her on the spot. This is a setup for a big reveal later that Michelle is actually an FBI undercover agent spying on the mob.

Scene 9a Essence: Tony orders Carlo Vizzini to whack Lou Tasca for ratting on the family (a lie).

How intensified: The dilemma – Internal Conflict for Carlo who hates being ordered to kill Lou whom he likes but Tony says the upside is that he is ‘making his bones’ the requirement to enable him to become a Made Man in the Giordano Family.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH LOVES CHARACTER DEPTH!

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM.

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

Characters have secrets. It’s fun and essential to discover them and so elevate the script.

PITCH: A slain mobster (Lou Tasca – Protagonist) cannot move on to the World to Come because of his life of crime. He can only redeem himself if he convinces his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to flip, quit the mob and join the FBI Witness Protection Program. PICTURE: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

GENRE: Gangster-Comedy.

TITLE: “Angels in Gangland”

CHARACTER STORYLINE OF PROTAGONIST LOU TASCA.

Preliminary actions: It is Lou’s spirit who tells the story. Lou is dead. Assassinated by a fellow soldier in the Giordano crime family, Carlo Vizzini, a friend.

First Lou introduces other key players: Rabbi Solomon Levinsky (his spirit guide) whom he knew in life along with his son Sam Levinsky (who also joined the Giordano crime family) and how Uncle Max, a Jewish gangster inadvertently influenced an otherwise religious Jewish family in such a way that the Rabbi’s son became a gangster. Also, Carlo Vizzini, a friend of Sam, who carries out the order to kill Lou.

The assassination of Lou is enacted.

Inciting incident: His spirit-guide, Rabbi Solomon Levinsky tells Lou he can’t get into heaven unless he redeems himself by returning to gangland to convince Carlo to do as he should have done: Quit Cosa Nostra, flip, join the FBI Witness Protection Program. In other words, be a rat and violate the mob rule of Omerta, silence.

Initially, Lou is overwhelmed and feeling it is impossible, in fact, hopeless to convince a Made Man like Carlo to ‘turn rat.’

Rabbi Solomon encourages Lou to feel confident and hopeful.

On this mission to Carlo, Lou is visible only to Carlo and spirit-guide Solomon is visible only to Lou.

Lou, newly bolstered by Solomon, crashes Carlo’s 30 Birthday Party (against Solomon’s advice), scares Carlo, in front of his fiancé Sherrie, friend Sam, and ominously before Tony Rizzo, their crew captain in the Giordano family who ordered Carlo to kill Lou.

Lou’s actions result in Tony’s eventual desire to eliminate Carlo, as he thinks Carlo is going insane and could be a liability who would draw heat to the Giordano family.

Tony already (rightly) suspects that Carlo and Sam are dealing drugs (also forbidden by Cosa Nostra under penalty of death). He asks fellow gangster, Russian mob kingpin Oleg Oransky to have his ex-KGB agent gang members to check out Carlo and Sam for drug dealing.

This creates an urgency to reach Carlo before Tony does.

Meanwhile, Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé) asks fellow cocktail waitress Zoey Platt (a psychic) to do a séance to expel Lou from their apartment. Rabbi Solomon and Lou believe Zoey is interfering with their mission to reach Carlo and get him to leave the mob and flip. Solomon teaches Lou how to spirit possess Carlo and tell Zoey to bud out. She does. She is scared off. Lou again appeals to Carlo to quit the mob. Sherrie breaks the engagement with Carlo, because she doesn’t want him in Cosa Nostra either. She walks out on him and Carlo is left alone and dejected.

Rabbi Solomon goes to spy on Tony having a sit-down with Oleg who says Carlo and Sam are not dealing drugs. Tony makes Oleg his father confessor and claims that he ordered Lou’s murder because he (Tony) owes Lou $200,000 in gambling debts and didn’t want to pay it.

Tony reveals that he has too many expenses for his paraplegic son and other children and wife (Lisa). He also resents that he was passed over by Don Giordano for Underboss He says he as a hitman lined up to kill both Carlo and Sam. Oleg tells him to beg off, as his men found that Carlo and Sam are not dealing drugs. Tony rejects their assessment and says he trusts his own guts and that he needs to get rid of Carlo anyway because he (Carlo) is insane (judging, as Tony does, from Carlo’s claim that he sees the ghost of Lou Tasca). Tony further assumes that Don Primo Giordano the head of the Giordano Crime Family will appreciate it. However Oleg plays a recording of Don Primo speaking against Tony as himself a criminal homicidal maniac who started a gang war when he killed rival boss Salvatore “Sally Cat” Catanzaro like his idol, Crazy Joe Gallo who killed Boss Joe Colombo. Tony says that after he has killed Carlo and Sam, he will kill Don Primo and start his own family.

MAJOR REVEALS: OLEG ORANSKY is an FBI informant. His assistant Greesha is an FBI officer (GREG MOR-Russian name) as also is Michelle Ippolito who was formerly working undercover as a Cocktail Waitress at Tony Rizzo’s Cocktail Lounge.

WHAT LOU TASCA IS HIDING: A num smacked on his knuckles and told him he was “no good” and “hopeless” Rabbi Solomon says that explains Lou’s forever pessimism and why he turned out ‘no good.’ And his lack of confidence that it was hopeless to try to try and get Carlo to flip.

TRIGGERS / REACTIONS

Getting Carlo to flip. Rashly, Lou crashes Carlo’s Birthday Party and only makes him look insane, seeing Lou’s spirit which only he can see.

TRIGGER: A Séance is arranged. REACTION: Lou is reluctant (same hopelessness), to learn spirit-possession to possess Carlo and tell the medium (Zoey) to butt out because she is interfering with Lou and Solomon’s mission to get Carlo to flip. He finally follows Rabbi Solomon’s guidance and deals effectively with the problem.

CHANGES MADE: All the triggers are added and strengthened. It is from Rabbi Solomon that Lou learns more of what he should have remembered from Catechism (were it not for the ruler-wielding nun). Very useful, St. Augustine’s adages, “God writes straight with crooked lines.” And “If man will not, God cannot.”

CHARACTER STORYLINE OF ANTAGONIST TONY RIZZO.

Tony Rizzo is a captain in the Giordano crime family. In his crew are Lou Tasca, and associates Carlo Vizzini, and Sam Levinsky. Tony owes Lou $200,000 in gambling debts and so decides to have Lou killed so he wouldn’t have to pay him. He orders Carlo Vizzini to kill Lou as a way to ‘make his bones’ a prerequisite to Carlo becoming a Made Man. Tony doesn’t tell Carlo his real reason for killing Lou, but a false yarn about how Lou violated the oath of silence by spilling Giordano family secrets to the rival Catanzaro family.

He presents Carlo to be initiated as a Made Man.

But at Carlo’s 30^th Birthday Party, Tony sees him freak out with the claim that he sees the ghost of Lou Tasca. Tony believes Carlo is insane and should be killed. But he thinks that maybe Carlo did see Lou as Carlo mentioned 2 things only Lou would know: That Tony assassinated Salvatore (“Sally Car”) Catanzaro, a rival boss to Don Primo Giordano – which prompted a gang war between the Catanzaro and Giordano families, secondly, Carlo mentioned the $200,000.

Tony later learns from Oleg that Carlo and Sam are not dealing drugs and he confesses his real reason for killing Lou: that he couldn’t pay the debt because of expenses for his paraplegic son (thus, the villain is not entirely a villain).

He also resents that he was passed over by Don Giordano for Underboss He says he has a hitman lined up to kill both Carlo and Sam. Oleg tells him to beg off, as his men found that Carlo and Sam are not dealing drugs. Tony rejects their assessment and says he trusts his own guts and that he needs to get rid of Carlo anyway because he Carlo is insane (judging, as Tony does, from Carlo’s claim that he sees the ghost of Lou Tasca. Tony further assumes that Don Primo Giordano the head of the Giordano Crime Family will appreciate it. However Oleg plays a recording of Don Primo speaking against Tony as himself a criminal homicidal maniac like his idol, Crazy Joe Gallo. Tony says that after he has killed Carlo and Sam, he will kill Don Primo and start his own family, just like Joey Gallo tried to do against Joe Colombo.

WHAT TONY RIZZO IS HIDING: That although, he feels, he has faithfully served Don Giordano, he also feels he is under appreciated by him. He was passed over for Underboss and Giordano says on the tape that he (Tony) is just as whack-o like his idol Crazy Joe Gallo. Also, he is hiding that he half believes that maybe Lou’s ghost is appearing to Carlo.

TRIGGERS / REACTIONS

As one who idolizes Crac Joe Gallo any mention of the place where Gallo was killed, i.e., Umberto’s Clam House…drives Tony into a paroxysm.

TRIGGER/REACTION:

When faced with a decision, he asks himself, “WWJD?” What would Jesus do? But when he says “WWJD?”it, Tony means, “What Would Joey (Gallo) do?”

REVEAL: Tony loves his children, including one, a paraplegic.

CHANGES MADE: All as described above added and strengthened. All the trigger-reactions.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S ACTOR ATTRACTORS

My vision for success after this program:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

How fun it is to map a way through the script to make characters attract actors.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR #1

MOVIE TITLE: “Angels in Gangland”

LEAD CHARACTER NAME: LOU TASCA (PROTAGONIST)

1. What makes this character the most interesting character in the movie?

He is an aging mob soldier who was passed over for promotion to caporegime and Underboss of the Giordano family. We see this gangster killed but he can’t get on the train to the World to Come unless he follows the directions of his spirit guide, whom he knew in life (Rabbi SOLOMON LEVINSKY) who gives him a mission that will redeem him: He must return to New York’s gangland and convince his slayer (CARLO VIZZINI) to do what he should have done, namely, quit the mob and join the Witness Protection Program. IOW, be a rat, and do good.

2. What makes this character the most-interesting character in the movie?

We see a brief glimpse of his gangster life until it is ended by gunshot by Carlo,

who immediately regrets his action. Then he is a spirit between two worlds, who

then returns to earth and awkwardly haunts his killer with a proposition: I’ll leave

you if you quit the mob and turn state’s evidence in the Witness Protection

Program.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

He crashes Carlo’s 30^th Birthday Party and first tells him to quit the mob, but Carlo’s fearful reaction only brings him into danger that he is insane and his own boss TONY RIZZO may have to kill him because his craziness may draw heat from the cops. He also spirit possesses Carlo, like a dybbuk but to be benign in order to open the way to make Carlo’s choice to quit the mob more easy.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

He is introduced leaving a mob-owned (i.e., TONY RIZZO, owner) strip club

with Carlo who in an alley shoots him, he immediately appears in a dark place

between two world and announces, “My name is Lou Tasca. I was a gangster,

now, I’m dead. This is my story, the movie unfolds..

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

From sorrow, to sarcasm, to desperation, to being a caring person.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

He is stuck in gangster-think even when being tossed gems of wisdom from his Rabbi-spirit guide.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With his Rabbi-spirit guide who not only guides him in trying to convince Carlo to quit the mob but wants the collateral good of getting his son Sam (Carlo’s friend and fellow wiseguy to also quit the mob. Also, Lou’s relationship with Carlo whom he is trying to get to quit the mob.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

He is determined to get Carlo to quit the mob and starts to appreciate the good.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

Being a spirit of a criminal he has a transformational journey from criminality to beneficent actor through the guidance of Rabbi Solomon.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR #2

MOVIE TITLE: “Angels in Gangland”

LEAD CHARACTER NAME: RABBI SOLOMON LEVINSKY (PROTAGONIST)

1. What makes this character the most interesting character in the movie?

He is the spirit guide of a slain gangster (Lou Tasca) who fascilitates his mission to persuade his slayer (Carlo Vizzini) to leave the mob and enter the Witness Protection Program. Solomon also seeks a collateral good, that if Lou could persuade Carlo to quit the mob, perhaps Solomon’s son and Carlo’s friend fellow weiseguy SAM LEVINSKY to do the same. In other words, he is a sage and a mystic, teamed-up with a Cosa Nostra made man. .

2. What makes this character the most-interesting character in the movie?

He is a Rabbi, sage, and mystic teamed up with a Cosa Nostra made man. .

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

He is the first to meet newly-dead Lou Tasca to explain the world between two world in which he is stuck and how he must rectify his life of crime by getting Carlo to quit the mob, and thus gain his entrance into the World to Come. He teaches Lou also the special art of spirit possession in which he can be a benign help to him. He keeps having to correct Lou’s gangster impulses and nurture the malefactor to become a noble mensch and rescue his son from a life of crime as well.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

He is shown in life caring for a dying mob associate and extolling his own Uncle

Max who was in the mob of Meyer Lansky who we see cracking Nazi skulls at

the Nazi Rally at Madison Square Garden (1939) and running guns to the

Haganah in Israel’s War of Independence (1n 1948) – these stories which

Solomon told to Sam, as tales of how a Jewish gangsters protected the Jewish

people but it has the reverse effect of inspiring Sam to join his friend Carlo in

becoming an associate of the Giordano crime family.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

In contrast to Lou’s mobster coarseness, Solomon is rabbinically gentle but firm. His emotions range from sorrow to prayerful to desperate.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

Exasperation with the spirit of slain mobster Lou Tasca.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With his charge, the spirit of slain mobster Lou Tasca. He is invisible to all other character but he does spy upon them.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

He is determined to make Lou a noble mensch – as hard as it is to do so.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

He is spiritual yet not aloof. An earthy rabbi even as a spirit. He is a Rabbi but also worked as an accountant in the crime-ridden New York Garment District and had an Uncle Max who was in the mob with Jewish gangster Meyer Lansky.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR #3

MOVIE TITLE: “Angels in Gangland”

LEAD CHARACTER NAME: TONY RIZZO (ANTAGONIST)

1. What makes this character the most interesting character in the movie?

He is a Caporegime (Captain) of a crew in the Giordano crime family the spirit guide of a slain gangster (Lou Tasca) who fascilitates his mission to persuade his slayer (Carlo Vizzini) to leave the mob and enter the Witness Protection Program. Solomon also seeks a collateral good, that if Lou could persuade Carlo to quit the mob, perhaps Solomon’s son and Carlo’s friend fellow weiseguy SAM LEVINSKY to do the same. In other words, he is a sage and a mystic, teamed-up with a Cosa Nostra made man. .

2. What makes this character the most-interesting character in the movie?

He is a Rabbi, sage, and mystic teamed up with a Cosa Nostra made man. .

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

He is the first to meet newly-dead Lou Tasca to explain the world between two world in which he is stuck and how he must rectify his life of crime by getting Carlo to quit the mob, and thus gain his entrance into the World to Come. He teaches Lou also the special art of spirit possession in which he can be a benign help to him. He keeps having to correct Lou’s gangster impulses and nurture the malefactor to become a noble mensch and rescue his son from a life of crime as well.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

He is shown in life caring for a dying mob associate and extolling his own Uncle

Max who was in the mob of Meyer Lansky who we see cracking Nazi skulls at

the Nazi Rally at Madison Square Garden (1939) and running guns to the

Haganah in Israel’s War of Independence (1n 1948) – these stories which

Solomon told to Sam as tales of how a Jewish gangstes protected the Jewish

people but it has the reverse effect of inspiring Sam to join his friend Carlo in

becoming an associate of the Giordano crime family.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

In contrast to Lou’s mobster coarseness, Solomon is rabbinically gentle but firm. His emotions range from sorrow to prayerful to desperate.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

Exasperation with the spirit of slain mobster Lou Tasca.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With his charge, the spirit of slain mobster Lou Tasca. He is invisible to all other character but he does spy upon them.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

He is determined to make Lou a noble mensch – as hard as it is to do so.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

He is spiritual yet not aloof. An earthy rabbi even as a spirit. He is a Rabbi but also worked in the crime-plagued New York Garment District.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s STRUCTURE SOLUTIONS

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM:

To become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

How to follow a set story structure and structure questions and the structure grid for a successful script. They are useful especially in composing strong story and in diagnosing weak points in the script.

TAKING ACTION ON PROBLEMS DISCOVERED AND THEIR SOLUTIONS.

1. The changes I made:

a. Weak conflict, weak antagonist, transformational journey, and stronger midpoint and the solutions

Lou Tasca, the mobster was killed by Carlo Vizzini on the orders of Capo Tony Rizzo. But because of his life of crime, Lou cannot go to heaven unless he does an act of supreme good: Persuade his killer to quit the mob and join the FBI Witness Protection Program.

Lou is strongly motivated to change his criminal way of thinking because he needs it to accomplish his mission of convincing Carlo to quit the mob which is his only ticket to heaven, aka, the World to Come.

SOLUTIONS:

1. Tranformational journey: Lou Tasca’s first sign of change is that rather than take revenge on Carlo, Lou openly forgives him because Lou knew that Carlo never had it in him to be a killer unlike Tony (the antagonist) who ordered Carlo to kill Lou on a promise of making Carlo a made man. I made Tony the antagonist badder by making him a born killer. (REVEAL) Tony was the assassin of boss Salvatore “Sally Cat” Catanzaro which sparked a mob war. Tony’s real motive in ordering Carlo to kill Lou Tasca: Tony didn’t want to pay Lou the gambling debt of $200,000 that he owed to Lou. He cancelled the debt by cancelling Lou. But Lou doesn’t want to do anything against Tony Rizzo either – In his transformational journey Lou is moving away from the old way of revenge in the mob’s way of thinking.

But when Tony suspects Carlo and fellow soldier, Sam Levitsky of dealing drugs, Tony must eliminate them. (It’s illegal in La Cosa Nostra to sell drugs – something many people don’t realize).

2. Act 3 midpoint turning point: It’s now a high stakes life and death race against time and Tony Rizzo: Can Lou convince Carlo and his friend Sam to quit the mob before Tony Rizzo kills them? Can Tony Rizzo be stopped? In other words, (from Problem/Solution Grid the antagonist is 10 times badder than we thought. This change is from the solutions on the grid to #9 “Need Stronger Midpoint”).

3. Through dialogue and action, Antagonist Tony Rizzo is further revealed as a cold stone mob hitman. When a recording of the family Boss (Tony’s boss Don Primo Giordano reveals that he has hated Rizzo since he killed Sally Cat which started a gang war. Upon hearing this recording, Tony Rizzo vows to kill Don Giordano as well as Carlo and Sam for drug dealing and start his own family.

THE BEAT SHEET

PROLOGUE

Preliminary action: Backstory: Through dialogue and action: Old ways Part 1; Lou Tasca is dead and establishes himself as Protagonist as he addresses the audience: “My name is Lou Tasca. I was a gangster. Now, I’m dead. This is my story. But I owe everything good that happened to me to my spirit guide, Rabbi Solomon Levitsky.” Action and dialogue introducing the Rabbi as the nephew of Max Levitsky of the Jewish Bugs-Meyer Mob (AKA, “the Kosher Nostra”). Solomon ministers to a dying Italian gangster and states to son Sam’s gangster-attraction that he reveres his Uncle Max as a hero because in a flashback he clobbered Nazis at Madison Square Garden in ’38 and ran guns to the Haganah in ’47. The Jewish gangsters were felt by Solomon to be the only protectors of the Jewish people. We see Uncle Max’ influence on Sam, the Rabbi’s son who along with his friend Carlo Vizzini becomes an associate of the Giordano crime family. Through dialogue and action:

Act 1

Old Ways – Lou introduces the mob crew at Tony’s Playhouse Cocktail Lounge. He introduces Antagonist Tony Rizzo who says he can’t repay Lou his debt of $200.000. and orders young Carlo Vizzini to whack Lou so that he “makes his bones” in order for Tony to present Carlo to become a made man. Tony tells Carlo the lie that Lou has to be executed because he discloses Giordano family secrets to the rival Messina family.

2. Carlo and Lou pick up a cash envelope from Russian mobster Oleg Oransky (Tony’s cut of the cash from the gasoline bootlegging racket he shares with Oleg.)

3. On the way back to Tony’s Lounge with the envelope, Carlo kills Lou and dumps his body in a subway entrance.

4. – but Carlo loaths himself for killing Lou and becoming a made man through the fire and blood ceremony is too imposing for him.

Inciting Incident: Lou is found in the hereafter by the spirit of Rabbi Solomon Levitsky, who is Lou’s spirit guide who reviews his life and finds that his life in crime bans him from the World to Come.

Turning Point: Carlo’s only chance to change the decree on his soul is to return to gangland in spirit form and convince his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to do as Lou should have done in life, i.e., quit the mob, flip, and join the FBI Witness Protection Program. Rabbi Solomon will go with Carlo on this mission as Lou’s spirit guide and coach.

Act 2

New Plan: His only chance to change the decree on his soul is to return to gangland in spirit form and convince his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to do as Lou should have done in life, i.e., quit the mob, flip, and join the FBI Witness Protection Program.

Plan in Action: Against Solomon’s orders he crashes Carlo Vizzini’s Birthday Party, scares Carlo which makes his antagonist Boss Tony Rizzo believe who is a guest at the party, believe he should eliminate this crazy man Carlo and his friend, Solomon’s son Sam because he suspects both of them in dealing with a Colombian drug Cartel. Tony calls his friend, Russian mobster Oleg Oransky to have his henchmen (former KGB spies) check out Carlo and Sam to see if they are dealing in drugs.

Mid-Point Turning Point: Carlo’s fiancé, Sherrie Falco (a cocktail waitress in Tony’s cocktail lounge) believes Carlo has seen the ghost of Lou Tasca and decides to call in her fellow cocktail waitress. Zoey Platt who is also know as Zoey the Psychic Cocktail Waitress. They plan to have a séance in order to expel the spirit of Lou Tasca from Carlo’s apartment. In fact, it will fail and plunge Carlo and Sam into further danger from Tony Rizzo.

Act 3

React/Rethink: Solomon and Sam plan to use the séance as an opportunity to get Zoey to butt out of their mission to save the lives and souls of Carlo and Solomon’s son Sam.

New Plan: Solomon guides Lou in spirit-possessing Carlo to announce to Carlo, Sherrie, and Zoey the sacred mission they are taking. And reiterates that Carlo must quit the mob and join the Witness Protection Program. After the séance, Carlo rejects Lou’s direction and Sherrie leaves him. Carlo is in more danger than ever from Tony Rizzo.

Act 4

Climax, Ultimate Expression of the conflict: Rabbi Solomon attends the ‘sitdown of Tony and Oleg” re: whether or not Carlo and Sam are dealing in drugs. Oleg claims that that his ex-KGB henchmen found that they were not. Tony decides to follow his gut and proceed and dispatch the hitman he has acquired to kill Carlo and Sam. Tony finds out from a wiretap that his Boss Don Primo Giordano hates him as a trigger-happy killer. Tony resolves to kill Don Primo in addition to Carlo and Sam and start his own family. It is also REVEALED that Oleg is an FBI informant and he and the FBI agents, one of whom (REVEAL) Michelle was undercover as a cocktail waitress at Tony’s Playhouse Cocktail Lounge. Oleg and the FBI agents leave to warn Carlo and Sam that their lives are in danger. At Carlo’s apartment, Carlo says he will leave the mob and invites Sam to do the same.

Sam it is REVEALED is the hitman Tony dispatched to kill Carlo after which Tony will kill Sam. Carlo is again possessed by Lou and then by Solomon to tell Sam to give up and go into the Witness Protection Program. Sam is finally persuaded to do that. Lou and Solomon disappear because their mission is now accomplished.

Resolution: Oleg, Sherrie and Zoey, Tony (gun in hand) and finally the FBI with Tony’s wife Lisa (REVEAL) who has also been an FBI informant, all converge at Carlo’s apartment and persuade Tony to also flip and enter the Witness Protection Program just as Oleg, Sherrie and Zoey, Carlo and Sam are also going into the FBI Witness Protection Program where they may be rats in the eyes of the mob, but will receive lighter sentences and a new life. It is REVEALED that Don Primo has been arrested and he too will join the Witness Protection Program. Tony exclaims, “You mean it’s okay to turn rat?” All resoundingly say yes – which they do, thanking the absent Lou and Solomon for making it possible to do the right thing and start new and protected lives.

New Ways: Lou addresses the audience and relates that Oleg, Tony and Lisa, and Carlo and Sam are all doing well in their new lives in Witness Protection, and Sam has returned to Judaism which made Rabbi Sol very happy. Rabbi Sol and Lou part, but with hopes of working together again to save criminals. Lou also got his special D-Train to the World to Come from which he was banned when he died. In a final farewell, Lou says to the audience to do good where you are and may it come around and go around. I’ll see you – but I hope not too soon – on your own special D-Train.” Lou’s transformation is complete.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH HAS FINISHED ACT 4

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM:

I want to become a great writer who dlivers entertaining, informative and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

Just enjoy the ride of speed writing a first draft.

HOW IT’S GOING FOR ME:

Fun, however, in this draft I reach only 87 pages. Still too short for a screenplay. What to do?

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH CONTINUES ACT 4

MY VISION FOR MY SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM:

I want to be a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

I am just writing and writing and writing without a care in the world about it and the draft is taking shape.

HOW IS IT GOING FOR ME?

Beautifully. I took the advice of writing in chunks of time because I have a lot of things right now that are completing for my attention. But it is happening. Thanks for the great advice, Hal.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH STARTED ACT 4

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THE PROGRAM:

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell

and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

It’s important to mix characters into conflicted circumstances and as writer to be the

improvisational actor playing each character to create story.

HOW THE EXPERIENCE IS GOING FOR ME:

It’s fun and stokes creativity..

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH FINISHING ACT 3

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THIS PROGRAM

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

Working in 5-15 chunks works for me as an alternative. Keeping empowered is all important.

HOW IS IT GOING FOR YOU?

Act 3 is finished, not going smoothly but I love it in it’s glorious imperfection.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH CONTINUES ACT 3

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THIS PROGRAM

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

Persistence gets the job done

HOW IS IT GOING FOR YOU?

And I am done ahead of schedule with Act 3. Is it perfect? Of course not. Did I finish too soon? Maybe. But it will all come together later, I know. Going beautifully and empowered.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH BEGAN ACT 3

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THIS PROGRAM

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

At present, I am the ‘critic’ and must ignore the inner critic that keeps me back

from proceeding by unwarranted criticism..

HOW IS IT GOING FOR YOU?

Act 3 is begun and close to conclusion. Going beautifully. The empowerment continues to work.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH COMPLETED ACT 2

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THIS PROGRAM

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

HOW IS IT GOING FOR YOU? WHICH IS ALSO WHAT I LEARNED.

Going beautifully. The empowerment works and my disregarding any attempt to imporove anything is allowing me to actually speedwrite. I am fully confident that everything necessary that I don’t know, I will create later. Meanwhile, Act 2 is done.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH CONTINUES ACT 2 92422

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THIS PROGRAM:

To become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that

sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

Trust that Word smithing must be delayed to the end of the writing process. It gets in the way of creative. The empowerment exercise is crucial to creativity.

HOW THIS IS GOING FOR ME:

I am moving along. I feel like I am improvising and enjoying it.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH BEGAN ACT 2

MY VISION FOR MY SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM

I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

MY EXPERIENCE:

The empowerment exercise and wrting as a race against the timer did the trick.

I am speedwriting. What’s coming out of me is good stuff too. By the time I get to my First Draft, I believe my screen adaptation of my stage play Angels in Gangland will be a stand alone better work than the stage play.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s FINISHED ACT 1

MY VISION AFTER THE PROGRAM:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting

scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

How difficult adjusting to the simple can be when it comes to applying the rules of speedwriting.

HOW IT IS GOING FOR ME:

I have an exceptionally long First Act and one sentence in the outline is actually a long string of actions. I got bogged down but I empowered myself and just kept moving along. I am still working on Act 1. I’ll save editing until draft 2 problem solving just to keep going. As I said above, sometimes the simple is hard to learn when it comes to speedwriting. My danger is stalling out because I’m looking for perfection this early. I also get behind because of other writing obligations and recent medical issues.

[Robert Smith]

WIM MODULE 5 LESSON 4 91222

ROBERT SMITH’s ACT 1 SCENES

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THIS PROGRAM:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

The importance and also the difficulty of sticking to the Speedwriting rules.

HOW IS THAT WORKING FOR ME? :

TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND.”

GENRE: Gangster Comedy.

Important: My project, “Angels in Gangland” is my SCREEN ADAPTATION of my stage play of the same title.

CONCEPT: A slain mobster cannot get into Heaven because of his life of crime but to redeem himself, he must go back to gangland to convince his killer to quit the mob, flip and go into the Witness Protection Program. THINK: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life” – with a Jewish twist.

HOW THAT IS GOING FOR ME:

I am frequently stalling out and when I proceed after empowerment I am asking myself (in a quandary) would it be contrary to the rules to start inserting dialogue and action from the stage play I am adapting to the screen? If I do so, first draft would still adhere to the outline but would it be in violation of the assignment of learning speedwriting? Actually, I think it would be speedwriting to just enter dialogue and action from the stage play (without word-smithing). My ‘inner Hal’ is telling me to enjoy and go speeding on.”

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s LESSON 3 FIRST DRAFT PART 1.

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THIS PROGRAM:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

Don’t push yourself. The idea is to keep pressure off yourself which frees up the creative

process.

HOW IT WENT FOR ME USING THE RULES OF SPEEDWRITING.

Rule #1: CHOOSE SPEED OVER QUALITY: I am keeping this as my guiding principle in writing. I find it works better.

Rule #2: MASTER WRITING IN DRAFTS: Okay, still in Act 1 but it is solace to know that there will be other drafts to come.

Rule #3: KEEP YOURSELF EMPOWERED. I find that these are a happy ‘must do.’

Rule #4: ALLOW YOURSELF TO START WITHOUT ALL THE ANSWERS. This

was also very liberating.

Rule #5: KEEP MOVING FORWARD/DON’T STALL OUT. I DID STALL OUT. So, I did stall out but kick-started myself back into action but could only complete 4 pages today.

RULE #6: ANYTHING YOU CAN’T SOLVE QUICKLY, GIVE IT TO YOUR

CREATIVE MIND TO PROCESS IT, KNOWING IT WILL COME TO YOU. This rule has been especially helpful. I have envisioned a new way to film an opening using the material I have written. But that will come in a later draft.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s SPEEDWRITING RULES

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THIS PROGRAM:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

The joy of just sticking to the rules and creating as you please keeping in mind that there

will be room to polish it the drafts that are yet to come.

TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

Genre: Gangster Comedy.

Concept: A slain gangster cannot enter the World to Come because of his life of crime his one hope to rectify his life is to persuade his killer to do as he should have done: Quit the mob, flip, and enter the Witness Protection Program. PICTURE: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life” – with a Jewish twist.

HOW IT WENT FOR ME USING THE RULES OF SPEEDWRITING.

Rule #1: CHOOSE SPEED OVER QUALITY: It felt good just to get it ‘out there.’

Rule #2: MASTER WRITING IN DRAFTS: Okay, I am just starting but if feels

good to know I’m building something that will improve as we build upon the foundation of a first draft.

Rule #3: KEEP YOURSELF EMPOWERED. These exercises in empowerment have

really worked for me.

Rule #4: ALLOW YOURSELF TO START WITHOUT ALL THE ANSWERS. This

was also very liberating.

Rule #5: KEEP MOVING FORWARD/DON’T STALL OUT. Like football, keep the

ball moving downfield. Is maybe my favorite rule. Again enhances the creative process. I was a member of an improvisational acting group. There the motto is always ‘Yes, and” to keep the scene going. The writing equivalent is “Keep moving forward, don’t stall out.”

RULE #6: ANYTHING YOU CAN’T SOLVE QUICKLY, GIVE IT TO YOUR

CREATIVE MIND TO PROCESS IT, KNOWING IT WILL COME TO YOU. This rule is very freeing to come up with a first draft. It made me feel, I can write what I can from outline-to-scene, anything I can’t write, will come. The answers will come.

I am committed to the process and will do all I can to not go on a tangent. But I have a recurring concern: I am writing a screen adaptation of a well-received stage play I have written, I know I have gold here, A great deal of what I will write (action and dialogue) I have already written and will now incorporate into the screenplay, does that violate this process in any way? Of course, I am committed to writing an adaptation for the screen that’s even better than what I wrote for the stage.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s FIRST SCENE

My vision for success after this program:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting

scripts that sell and get produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

To relax and follow the process outline to scene and hold back my proclivity to

go on a tangent.

How did the process go for me?

I found myself second guessing myself: I wasn’t always sure when fleshing out the outline for a scene wasn’t going off on a tangent. So, I’m flagging ideas for a later draft.

I do find myself wondering that since I am writing a screen adaptation of my stage play how much large chunks of dialogue and action are already scripted. Should I change them or not? I would if I found a better way to do it.

[Robert Smith]

Hello, dear Colleagues and Friends:

I am Robert “Bob” Smith. I am ready to exchange outlines and supportive feedback.

My project is “Angels in Gangland” an adaptation of my award winning stage play of the same title. Genre: Gangster Comedy.

Concept: A slain mobster cannot get into the world to come because of his life of crime, his only hope is to return to gangland and persuade his killer to do as he should have done, namely, quit the mob, flip, and enter the Witness Protection Program. THINK: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life” with a Jewish twist.

I look forward to partnering.

All the Best,

Bob

Robert Russell Smith

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’S FAXCINATING SCENE OUTLINE.

MY VISION: I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and

Uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED: Practical and workable methods to make a film fascinating and exciting.

TITLE: “A N G E L S I N G A N G L A N D”

GENRE: Gangster Comedy.

CONCEPT: A slain mobster cannot enter the World to Come because of his life of crime, he has one hope, return to gangland and persuade his killer to do as he should have done: Quit the mob, flip and enter the Witness Protection Program. THINK: ‘The Sopranos” meets ‘It’s a Wonderful Life” with a Jewish twist.’

ACT ONE

SCENE 1

TITLE: “GANGLAND” :

EXT TONY RIZZO’S PLAHOUSE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB – NIGHT

Establishing shot.

INT. TONY RIZZO’S PLAYHOUSE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB – NIGHT

The Bar

BEGINNING: (INTERRESTING SETTING –MAFIA-OWNED STRIP CLUB.) “Tony Rizzo’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club.”

(CONFLICT) BOSS TONY RIZZO tells his soldier (LOU TASCA) that he can’t pay him the $200,000 debt he owes him because of added rehab costs for his paraplegic son.. The go their separate ways from the bar. Tony takes his drink with him.

INT. TONY RIZZO’S PLAYHOUSE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB – NIGHT

On the steps to the Dance Floor. THIS SCENE IS A SET UP FOR A LATER REVEAL.

MIDDLE: (CONFLICT – SET UP FOR A LATER REVEAL IN ACT 3) MICHELLE a stripper steps down from the dance floor to Tony’s level, gives notice that she’s leaving the club for a gig elsewhere. Tony makes a pass at Michelle but she pushes him away because she knows that ZOEY another stripper, is Tony’s mistress and she’s watching them, plus, Tony’s married.

ENDING: Tony tells her, plus, I have to see somebody in the office. They part company, Michelle back to the dance floor, Tony to his office..

INT. TONY RIZZO’S PLAYHOUSE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB – NIGHT

Tony’s office.

BEGINNING: CARLO VIZZINI is waiting for Tony, who enters and orders Carlo to whack Lou Tasca because he is a ‘rat’ who shared their Giordano family secrets with members of other crime families. (INTERNAL DILEMMA – CONFLICT) Carlo hesitates, he likes Lou, and doesn’t want to kill him. But Tony says if he does it, he’ll be making his bones and Tpny would present him to become a Made Man. Carlo consents.

ENDING: (INTRIGUE) Tony orders Carlo to get Lou and together walk over to Russian mobster Oleg Oransky’s (INTERESTING SETTING) Trump Tower apartment office to pick up a cash envelope from Oleg to bring back to Tony at the Playhouse, only Lou will not return because on the way, Carlo will kill him. The cash envelope is Tony’s cut in the Gasoline Bootlegging Racket Tony shares with Oleg.

SCENE 2

(INTERESTING SETTING)

EXT TRUMP TOWER – NIGHT

Establishing shot.

INT. OLEG ORANSKY’S TRUMP TOWER APT OFFICE. – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (MYSTERY) Carlo and Lou sit in Oleg’s home office where they first encounter,GREESHA, one of Oleg’s henchman, of whom they are suspicious because he wears a NY METS baseball cap.

MIDDLE: Lou states that he is a Yankee fan, born and raised right near the Cathedral of Baseball, Yankee Stadium. He says it feels strange talking with a Russian who wears a Mets baseball cap. Greesha says, that when he worked for the KGB he studied everything about America including Baseball which he enjoyed.

ENDING: (UNCERTAINTY) Still not sure what to make of Greesha, Carlo and Lou leave to take the cash envelope back to Tony at the Playhouse.

SCENE 3

EXT. A DARK MANHATTAN STREET – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Carlo has the cash envelope while he and Lou are walking back to The Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club.

MIDDLE: When they reach a dark opening to a staircase to a Subway Station, Carlo pulls out a .38 and shoots Lou in the back of the head. Lou falls. Carlo shoots again into Lou’s head to make sure he is dead.

ENDING: Carlo pushes Lou’s body down the staircase. It tumbles to the bottom. Then, Carlo pockets his gun and takes out Rosary Beads and starts praying, as he walks away..

SCENE 4

INT. A DARK NONDESCRIPT ROOM – NIGHT

(INTRIGUE- INTERESTING SETTING) A table is in the middle of the room with a gun and dagger pointed toward whoever would face them from the opposite side of the table, i. e., Carlo..

This is Carlo’s induction to become a Made Man in the Mafia through the blood and fire ritual conducted by Don Primo Giordano. On a table are a .38 and a knife, pointing toward Carlo..

BEGINNING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Tony introduces Carlo to the Don Primo and the assemblage of Made Men as a good crew member, and as an associate worthy of membership.

MIDDLE: (MYSTERY) Don Primo, pricks an index finger of Carlo and draws blood, he explains the symbolism (family membership) and recites the rules that Carlo must follow. Carlo rolls a burning picture of a saint in his hands swearing that if he violates the Omerta (silence) and discloses secrets of the family, may he burn like this saint.

ENDING: At the end of the ceremony, the assemblage with Tony greet Carlo as family and Tony who says to Carlo that becoming a Made Man is Tony’s 30^th birthday gift from him to Carlo.

SCENE 5

TITLE: “BETWEEN TWO WORLDS”

INT A DARK PLACE BETWEEN TWO WORLDS – NIGHT

(INTERESTING SETTING)

BEGINNING: Lou Tasca (now in spirit form) starts to narrate his story.

MIDDLE: Lou introduces Carlo’s friend SAM LEVITSKY (FLASHBACK) who renounced his Jewish faith and became, along with his friend Carlo, an Associate of the Giordano crime family, for doing so his father, RABBI SOLOMON LEVITSK,, disowned him and sat Shivah for Sam, Now, Rabbi Solomon is Lou’s spirit guide in the Hereafter and has a regrt: That he allowed his s “UNCLE MAX” to get close Sam. Max used to run with the Bugs-Meyer Mob and was a hero to R. Solomon for smashing American Nazi skulls at Madison Square Garden in ’39 and running guns to the Haganah in ’47.

SCENE 6

INT. ANOTHER DARK PLACE BETWEEN TWO WORLDS – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (INTERESTING SETTING) Right after Lou is shot by Carlo, he learns from his spirit-guide, Rabbi Solomon, that because of his life of crime he cannot advance to the World to Come but there is a solution.

MIDDLE: (INTRIGUE) Rabbi Solomon tells Lou that his one hope is to rectify his life of crime by doing an act of supreme good, namely, return to gangland and Carlo his killer to persuade him to do as he (Lou) should have done, namely, quit the mob, flip, and enter the Witness Protection Program. Lou is incentivized to return because he learns from Rabbi Solomon the real reason Tony Rizzo ordered Carlo to kill him, i.e., to avoid paying Lou a $200,000 gambling debt.

ENDING: (EMOTIONAL MOMENT) Lou is furious and agrees to go with Solomon as his coach, to right the wrongs. Solomon also wants collateral good: that if Carlo is persuaded to quit the mob, so will his friend, Sam, who is Rabbi Solomon’s apostate son. (UNCERTAINTY) Lou is convinced that his assignment is a Mission Hopeless, because Carlo, as a Made Man, would never quit the mob or break the oath of Omerta (Silence). Rabbi Solomon convinces Lou that nothing is every hopeless and leads him back to gangland to encounter Carlo on his 30^th Birthday.

SCENE 7

TITLE: “THE BIRTHDAY PARTY”

INT CARLO VIZZINI’s MANHATTAN APARTMENT – NIGHT

It’s Carlo’s 30^th Birthday Party. Present: Carlo, Sherrie (his fiancé), Sam AM, Tony and his wife LISA.

BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Because of a verbal exchange between Carlo and Sam that

suggested a drug deal, Tony suspects Carlo and Sam are dealing drugs. (SURPRISE) Against

Solomon’s guidance, (EMOTIONAL MOMENT – REVEAL) Lou confronts Carlo (visible only

to him) and tells him the real reason Tony ordered him to kill him. Meanwhile, (SURPRISE) Tony

is taken aback by hearing about $200,000 from Carlo, told to Carlo by Lou. Carlo runs off

nauseated.

MIDDLE: Tony believes Carlo is insane with his claim to seeing Lou Tasca and that Carlo is

therefore a danger to the Giordano family. (INTRIGUE – SCHEME).

INT. CARLO’S APARTMENT AND OLEG’S RESTAURANT OFFICE – NIGHT

SPLIT SCREEN. PHONE CALL.

Tony calls Oleg to get him to order ask his ex-KGB henchman to check out any drug dealing of

Carlo and Sam, Oleg promises a ‘sitdown’ later with Tony to discuss the findings.

INT CARLO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

The Living Room

ENDING: Tony and Lisa leave. (EMOTIONAL MOMENT) Remaining with the distraught Sherrie is Carlo’s close friend Sam (Solomon’s son). Carlo enters in a bathrobe to learn from Sherrie that she believes Carlo has seen the ghost of Lou Tasca and wants to call her pole dancing partner from the Playhouse, ZOEY PLATT (AKA ZOEY THE PSYCHIC STRIPPER) to do a séance. Zoey is also Tony Rizzo’s mistress and Sam and Carlo are concerned there might be more trouble. Sam leaves and Carlo goes back to bed. But Sherrie says she will call Zoey, even if Carlo regards her as a ‘ditz.’

(SCENES 8 and 9 ARE PLAYED FOR HUMOR, COMIC RELIEF)

SCENE 8

INT. CARLO’S APARTMENT AND ZOEY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT.

Splt screen. Phone call.

BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Sherrie calls Zoey and asks her to do a séance to expel the spirit of Lou Tasca from the apartment (Lou and Solomon are both observers/listeners to this conversation). Zoey agrees to do a séance.

MIDDLE: Sherrie tells Zoey that Tony was upset at Carlo and the mention of $200,000. Zoey assures Sherrie that Lou was trying to show Carlo where there was $200,000 for Carlo and Sherrie and that she will call Tony to get him un-upset.

ENDING: Zoey calls Tony. (Go immediately to next scene.)

SCENE 9

INT. ZOEY’S APARTMENT AND TONY’S APARTMENT (BEDROOM) – NIGHT

Phone call. Split scene.

BEGINNING: Tony (in his pajamas) clicks on the call but reminds Zoey that he told her not to call him. Zoey assures Tony that all will be well about the $200,000, as it’s a wedding present for Carlo and Sherrie when the time comes.

MIDDLE: Zoey’s attempt to give solace to Tony backfires. Tony doesn’t want anything learned about the $200,000. Tony hangs up. (SUSPICION – CONFLICT) Tony’s wife Lisa also in pajamas overhears Tony having a suspicious phone conversation (“Is that your mistress?”).

ENDING: Tony denies he has a mistress which doesn’t impress Lisa at all. She hops into bed but there is no action.

SCENE 10

INT. CARLO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Lou and Rabbi Solomon meet to discuss the séance.and how Zoey is interrupting their mission of saving Carlo and Sam, and she should be told to bud out.

MIDDLE: (INTRIGUE) R. Solomon says Lou will have to spirit-possess Carlo in order to tell Zoey to bud out, as God has not permitted Solomon to be seen or heard by anybody but Lou. Solomon teaches Lou the (MYSTERY) of Kabbalah (esoteric knowledge) and how a soul of a dead person can benignly spirit possess a living person in order to do good and without becoming a Dybbuk (an evil possessing spirit)

ENDING: Lou goes off unable to master a couple of Hebrew terms. Solomon prays to the Lord of the Universe to get him through this. (A thunder clap in the distance. Is it a sign from God?)

END OF ACT ONE.

ACT TWO

Scene 1

TITLE: THE SEANCE

INT CARLO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

The table is set with a candle in the center as part of the séance.

BEGINNING: (INTRIGUE) Zoey dismisses two intrusive spirits before Lou finally possesses Carlo and (coached by Solomon) tells Zoey their mission and to bud out.

MIDDLE: (EMOTIONAL MOMENT) Zoey panics and ends the séance. And is shown in the grains of a coffee cup the dangers surrounding this case concerning Lou Tasca.

ENDING: Zoey flees the house saying she’ll quit the club too and Sherrie should do the same.

SCENE 2

INT CARLO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

TITLE LATER THAT NIGHT

BEGINNING: (CONFLICT- EMOTIONAL MOMENT) Lou and Solomon look on at a bitter

fight between Sherrie and Carlo. Sherrie wants Carlo to follow Lou’s demand to quit the mob

which he refuses to do.

MIDDLE: When Sherrie discerns that Carlo killed Lou Tasca, she breaks the engagement and

storms out, leaving Carlo alone.

ENDING: Carlo calls Sam and leaves a message asking him to come over. Solomon says that

this is ideal, they’ll have Carlo and Sam in the right place. Lou notes ominously: As long as we

get them before Tony Rizzo does.

ACT THREE

TITLE: “THE CZAR OF BRIGHTON BEACH”

EXT. OLEG’S BRIGHTON BEACH RESTAURANT ‘THE CZAR’ – DAY

Establishing shot.

INT. THE OFFICE OF OLEG’S BRIGHTON BEACH RESTAURANT ‘THE CZAR’ – DAY

BEGINNING: While Oleg (“The Czar of Brighton Beach”) and Tony down vodka and play pool, Oleg tells Tony that his henchmen found no proof that Carlo and Sam are dealing drugs. Tony says he believes he’s right and says he has a hitman in waiting to do the job.

MIDDLE: Tony reveals everything about the murder of Lou and his expenses for his children. Oleg plays a recording of Don Primo disrespecting Tony as another Crazy Joe Gallo and so he passed over him as Underboss.

ENDING: (INTRIGUE – EMOTIONAL MOMENT) Tony storms off, intent, he says to Oleg, on whacking Carlo and Sam and then whacking Don Primo and starting his own family. (REVEAL – HIDDEN IDENTITY) After Tony is gone, Oleg makes a phone call – to the FBI for whom he has been an informant and wears a wire.

INT. OLEG’S OFFICE AND A LISTENING POST OF THE FBI – DAY.

Split screen. Phone call.

BEGINNING: (REVEAL- HIDDEN IDENTITY) Michelle the Stripper in Act One is actually FBI chief agent, MICHELLE IPPOLITO and Greesha is FBI agent DAVE MOORE. Michelle Ippolito answers Oleg’s call and assures him that everything his wire picked up of his conversation with Tony was recorded. Now they must all try to warn Carlo and Sam that their lives are in danger and also offer them the chance to flip and enter Witness Protection along with Oleg and (REVEAL) Don Primo Giordano who was arrested earlier that day and has flipped.

MIDDLE: Oleg wants assurances that while he is in the Witness Protection Program he can get a book and a movie deal. Dave tells him, the FBI is not Hollywood, Oleg and they all rush off to rescue Carlo and Sam..

ENDING: Rabbi Solomon emerges. He has been observing everything. He compliments Oleg as a mensch and then also fades out to rescue Carlo and Sam from Tony’s hitman.

ACT FOUR

TITLE: “BETTER ANGELS”

Scene 1

INT. CARLO’S APARTMENT – DAY.

BEGINNING: Sam finally shows up at Carlo’s apartment, interrupting a dialogue between Carlo and Lou. Sam is fully skeptical of Carlo’s claims to be possessed by the spirit of Lou. But Carlo is saying things that match what R. Solomon taught Sam about the folklore about the old country (Russia) and Dybbuk possession.

MIDDLE: R. Solomon enters and knows he has to warn Carlo and Sam about Tony’s hitman who is coming to kill them. He prays to the Lord of the Universe.

EXT. ANOTHER DIMENSION – NIGHT

Solomon beseeches God to allow him to spirit possess Carlo to warn them both. God grants it with music from a Hollywood Biblical Epic for which the Rabbi, thanks him.

INT. CARLO’S APARTMENT – DAY.(RESUME)

MIDDLE (RESUME): (INTRIGUE) Rabbi Solomon spirit-possess Carlo and in his own voice tells Sam and Carlo (who can hear) to save themselves by turning themselves in to the FBI immediately because Tony is dispatching a hitman. (EMOTIONAL MOMENT – CONFLICT) Sam freaks out, pulls out a .38 and aims it at Carlo, and reveals that he himself is the hitman that Tony sent to kill Carlo (just as Tony ordered Carlo to kill Lou) and Carlo tells Sam that after he kills him (Carlo) Tony will kill him (Sam).

ENDING: (EMOTIONAL MOMENT): Unable to kill his best friend. Sam drops the gun and reconciles with Carlo and will join him in Witness Protection. For Lou and Rabbi Solomon, the mission is accomplished, and they fade away. In a hilarious sequential convergence at the apartment, Sherrie, Oleg, Tony, Michelle, Dave and Lisa – (REVEAL) who has been an FBI informant – all arrive and persuade (finally) that Tony also should surrender to the FBI as well, like the others. He does.

ACT 4 – CLIMAX.

EXT. A SUBWAY STATION PLATFORM- DAY

BEGINNING: Rabbi Solomon and Lou would be glad to team up again. They have become friends and Lou’s soul is cleansed of his crimes.

Rabbi Solomon and Lou part, Then, Lou addresses the audience and recaps what happened: All who surrendered to the FBI are doing well in Witness Protection, Sam reawakened to his Jewish faith which made Rabbi Solomon very happy. He tells the audience to do what they can to make the world a better place, then, n he steps onto the D TRAIN to that place that’s even better than the Cathedral of Baseball (Yankee Stadium), namely, the World to Come.

THE END. .

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s SCENE REQUIREMENTS 81022 …….

One sentence vision for my success from this program

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

That it is truly fun and aids creativity to be clear on scene requirements.

The scene requirements of my project.

Project Title: ANGELS IN GANGLAND.

ACT ONE

BEGINNING (PRELIMINARY ACTION):

INT. TONY RIZZO’S PLAYHOUSE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB – NIGHT

SCENE ARC: Boss Tony Rizzo can’t pay a $200,000 gamblng debt to his soldier, LOU TASCA so he orders another soldier (young CARLO VIZZINI) to assassinate Lou, because, Tony explains to Carlo, Lou is a ‘rat’ who broke the oath of silence (Omerta) and blabbed Giordano Family secrets to members of other crime families. .

ESSENCE: Carlo is required to kill Lou Tasca and so ‘make his bones’ which is required before Tony can make Carlo a Made Man..

CONFLICT: Carlo wants to advance from being a Giordano Family Associate to become a Made Man, however, he likes Lou and hates that he must ‘make his bones’ by killing him. Tony orders both Lou and Carlo to go to Russian Crime Boss Oleg Oransky’s office in Trump Tower to pick up a cash envelope of Tony’s cut in the Gasoline Bootlegging racket that Tony and Oleg share. Carlo’s order is to kill Lou on the way back to the Playhouse with the envelope to give to Tony.

SUBTEXT: Carlo is reluctant to kill a fellow mob soldier and crew member.

HOPE/FEAR: Fear for Lou’s life, hope that Carlo will not kill him.

INT TRUMP TOWER OFFICE OF OLEG ORANSKY – NIGHT

SCENE ARC: Oleg and Carlo receive the cash envelop from Oleg by the hand of his henchman GREESHA whom they find suspicious because he is so fluent in English. A Fed?

ESSENCE: Lou and Carlo get the envelope and a new concern.

CONFLICT: Lou wonders if Greesha is a Fed, but Carlo seems distracted – he is, by the bloody work he must do.

HOPE/FEAR Perhaps Greesha is a Fed, we hope. Still fear for Lou’s life and hope Carlo won’t kill him and both will live.

EXT A MANHATTAN STREET – NIGHT

SCENE ARC: On their way back to the :Playhouse, Carlo whips out a .38 and shoots Lou in the back of his head, after Lou falls, Carlo shoots him a second time in the head (to make sure) and continues to walk back to the Playhouse with the cash envelope.

ESSENCE: Carlo has made his bones, so becoming a Made Man is next. But he hates killing Lou and takes out Rosary Beads from his shoulder holster.

CONFLICT: Carlo hates his killing Lou and hates himself for it. .

SUBTEXT: It’s hard to do kill a guy I like, but that’s the nature of La Cosa Nostra.

HOPE/FEAR:

INT A DARK ROOM – NIGHT

SCENE ARC: Carlo is inducted into being a Made Man in the traditional blood and fire ceremony of La Cosa Nostra which also invokes a curse upon himself if he violates the law of Omerta (silence).

ESSENCE: Carlo becomes a Made Man, sponsored by Tony Rizzo at the blood and fire ritual presided over by DON PRIMO GIORDANO himself.

CONFLICT: Carlo is not as thrilled about becoming a Made Man because he had to meet the prerequisite of “making his bones” by killing his fellow soldier Lou. His vow (invoking a curse upon himself) is a joyless burden.

SUBTEXT: Carlo has second thoughts about becoming a Made Man.

HOPE / FEAR:

INCITING INCIDENT:

INT A DARK PLACE BETWEEN TWO WORLDS – NIGHT

SCENE ARC: Lou Tasca (now in spirit form) starts to narrate his story, introduces the other characters: Carlo, SAM LEVITSKY who renounced his Jewish faith and became, along with his friend Carlo, an Associate of the Giordano crime family, and Sam’s father, RABBI SOLOMON LEVITSKY, destined to be Lou’s spirit-guide in the Hereafter.

ESSENCE: Lou finds himself in the Hereafter with no place to go. .

CONFLICT:

SUBTEXT:

HOPE / FEAR:

INT. ANOTHER DARK PLACE BETWEEN TWO WORLDS – NIGHT

SCENE ARC: Right after Lou is shot by Carlo, he learns from his spirit-guide, Rabbi Solomon, that because of his life of crime he cannot advance to the World to Come but there is a solution.

ESSENCE: Lou’s one hope is to rectify his life of crime by doing an act of supreme good, i.e.,

return to gangland and his killer and persuade him to do as he (Lou) should have done, namely,

quit the mob, flip, and enter the Witness Protection Program. And so, with Solomon as his

coach, he does so. Solomon also wants collateral good: that if Carlo is persuaded to quit the

mob, so will his friend, Sam, who is Rabbi Solomon’s apostate son.

CONFLICT: In addition to protesting that he should be let into the World to Come because he did a lot of good, Lou is convinced that his assignment is a Mission Hopeless, because Carlo, as a Made Man would never quit the mob, as Carlo is married to the oath of Omerta (silence) and would never turn ‘rat’ and enter the Witness Protection Program.

SUBTEXT: Lou objects to the whole (he believes) hopeless arrangement, to which Solomon assures him that nothing is ever hopeless. Solomon incentivizes Lou by telling him the official and real reasons he ordered Lou’s assassination: “Lou’s a rat who shared Giordano Family secrets with members of other families”; the real reason: Tony didn’t want to pay Lou the $200,000 gambling debt he owed him. Lou is outraged.

HOPE / FEAR: Hope that Solomon is right, namely, “nothing is ever hopeless” Fear that he could be wrong. Hope that Lou and Solomon can get Carlo and his friend Sam (Solomon’s son) to flip and leave the mob for Witness Protection.

INT CARLO VIZZINI’s MANHATTAN APARTMENT – NIGHT

It’s Carlo’s 30^th Birthday Party. Present: Carlo, SHERRIE (his fiancé), SAM, Tony and his wife LISA.

SCENE ARC: Against Solomon’s guidance, Lou appears to Carlo (visible only to him) and tells him the real reason Tony ordered him to kill him. Meanwhile, he appears insane to Tony who immediately believes Carlo is a danger because he is an insane mobster who will draw heat to Tony himself. Tony already suspects (correctly) that Carlo and Sam are running a drug business on the sneak – a capital offense in La Cosa Nostra, so Tony contacts his partner, Oleg Oransky, to have his ex-KGB henchmen check out if it’s true or not. Sherrie, calls her pole dancing partner at Tony’s strip club (ZOEY THE PSYCHIC STRIPPER, who is also Tony’s mistress) to conduct a séance to drive Lou’s spirit out of the apartment.

ESSENCE:

CONFLICT:

HOPE / FEAR:

INT ZOEY’S APARTMENT AND CARLO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

A phone call. Split Screen:

SCENE ARC: Sherrie secures Zoey to do an exorcistic séance to drive Lou’s spirit from Carlo’s apartment.

ESSENCE: Zoey is booked for a séance to escort Lou’s spirit to the next level but hearing that Tony was upset when $200,000 was mentioned, Zoey is convinced on the basis of her medium apprenticeship in Egypt, that Lou was directing Carlo to a place where $200,000 is waiting for Carlo and Sherrie.

CONFLICT: Sherrie does not understand spirit mediumship and Zoey has to do a great deal of explaining.

SUBTEXT: Zoey allays Sherrie’s fears and teaches her about the spirit world. One anxiety tranquilized, however, Sherrie brings up another.

HOPE/FEAR; Zoey decides to next call Tony to get him “un-upset.”

INT ZOEY’S APARTMENT AND TONY’S BED ROOM – NIGHT

Phone call. Split scene.

SCENE ARC: Tony clicks on the call but reminds Zoey that he told her not to call him. Zoey assures Tony that all will be well about the $200,000, as it’s a wedding present for Carlo and Sherrie when the time comes.

ESSENCE: Zoey’s attempt to give solace to Tony backfires. Tony doesn’t want anything learned about the $200,000. Moreover, Tony’s wife Lisa overhears Tony having a suspicious phone conversation (“Is that your mistress?”).

CONFLICT: Tony and Lisa have an argumengt over his supposed having a mistress – which Tony, of course, denies. Zoey can’t understand why Tony is so upset about the $200,000.

SUBTEXT: Tony fears he’ll be busted for both the murder of Lou Tasca and his infidelity to Lisa by Lisa..

HOPE / FEAR: Fear and hope for chickens coming home for all those who are making their lives a mess.

INT A DARK PLACE BETWEEN TWO WORLDS – NIGHT

SCENE ARC: Both Lou and Solomon believe Zoey will interfere with their mission to save Carlo and Sam and should be told to bud out. The job goes to Lou, as Solomon is to be seen and heard only to Lou (by Divine Command), so Rabbi Solomon discloses secrets of the Kabbalah to Lou, that involve spirit-possession by a dead person’s soul of a living person in order to accomplish some soul-purifying good.

ESSENCE: With doubt and trepidation, Lou learns the secret and sacred art of spirit possession

for a soul-purifying good purpose. But he gets his Hebrew wrong which exasperates Rabbi

Solomon.

CONFLICT: Lou’s misgivings re: spirit-possessing Carlo at the seance. But last time he didn’t

Follow Solomon’s guidance he put Carlo at risk with Tony.

SUBTEXT: Lou’s ignorance vs. Solomon’s learnedness.

HOPE / FEAR: Hope this supposed sacred scheme WORKS, fear that if may lead to more

problems..

ACT TWO

INT CARLO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

The Séance.

SCENE ARC: Zoey begins the séance but attracts only unwanted souls from beyond until

finally Lou possesses Carlo to tell her to but out because there is a sacred mission. Zoey is

scared and leaves the apartment and so does Sherrie when she realizes that Carlo killed Lou

Tasca.

ESSENCE: A séance intended to expel Lou Tasca results in Zoey’s leaving Carlo and Sherrie,

when she discovers from Lou while possessing Carlo that there is a sacred mission to save Carlo.

Sherrie beaks the engagement and leaves Carlo when she discerns that Carlo is the killer of Lou

Tasca. Carlo is left alone and calls Sam to come to the apartment. Solomon is convinced the

situation is now in their favor to get both Carlo and Sam to quit the mob. But that is provided

that they get to Carlo and Sam before Tony Rizzo does.

CONFLICT: Zoey leaves the apartment and gets out of the way of Lou and Solomon’s mission

to Carlo. Sherrie wants Carlo to follow Lou’s demand to quit the mob which he refuses to do.

When Sherrie discerns that Carlo killed Lou Tasca, she walks out on him and Carlo calls

Sam to come to the apartment

SUBTEXT: Carlo and Sherries despair in an intractable situation as long as Carlo refuses to do

as Lou demands, flip, and enter Witness Protection..

HOPE / FEAR: Hope that Tony can be stopped and fear that he won’t.

ACT THREE

INT. OLEG’S OFFICE IN HIS BRIGHTON BEACH RESTAURANT – DAY

The sitdown Oleg promised Tony re: whether or not Carlo and Sam are dealing drugs.

SCENE ARC: Oleg tries to keep Tony from assassinating Carlo and Sam, but Tony disregards

Oleg’s report that his KGB henchmen have determined Carlo and Sam are

not dealing drugs. Tony is not dissuaded and says he has a hitman ready to proceed with

whacking Carlo and Sam, however, Oleg plays a recording of Don Primo Giordano dissing

Tony as a new Crazy Joe Gallo which is why he didn’t pick Tony to be his new Underboss.

Tony leaves Oleg aiming to kill Carlo, Sam, and Don Primo after which he’ll start his own

family, just as Joey Gallo did after he assassinated Joe Colombo.

ESSENCE: Tony is a killer not dissuaded by Oleg from killing but only adds Don Primo to the

List. REVEAL: Oleg is an FBI informant who himself will take refuge in the Witness

Protection Program and has been wearing a wire during the whole sitdown with Tony.

CONFLICT: In vain, Oleg spars with Tony to dissuade him from killing Carlo and Sam and

now Don Primo Giordano. Tony is livid with Don Primo.

SUBTEXT: Tony’s anger at Carlo and Sam as well as Don Primo Giordano. Oleg trying to

calm him.

HOPE/FEAR: Hope that Tony will be stopped before he kills his victims, fear that he might not

be stopped.

INT CARLO’s APARTMENT AND FBI LISTENING STATION – DAY

Phone call. Split screen.

SCENE ARC: Oleg calls his FBI handlers, MICHELLE IPPOLITO (Michelle who appeared

briefly in Act One as a stripper in Tony’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club where she worked

undercover spying on Tony) and DAVE MOORE (Greesha) at Oleg’s Trump Tower Office. All

set out to find and warn Carlo and Sam. SOLOMON was listening in and joins them.

ESSENCE:

CONFLICT: Oleg wants assurances from the FBI that when he is in Witness Protection he can get a book and a movie deal. DAVE MOORE says “the FBI is not Hollywood, Oleg.”

SUBTEXT: All (including SOLOMON) are anxious to save Carlo and Sam. Don Primo is

being arrested as they speak.

HOPE / FEAR: Hope they will save these lives, fear they might not as Tony will unleash his

unnamed hitman.

ACT FOUR

INT CARLO’S APARTMENT – DAY.

SCENE ARC: From despair to hope, Lou persuades Carlo to quit the mob and is aided

By Rabbi Solomon, fresh from the last scene, and fresh from an encounter with God in which his

spirit-possession privileges were restored to him. Solomon possesses Carlo with hard evidence

that Tony has dispatched a hitman he and Sam must get out now and surrender to the FBI

ESSENCE:

CONFLICT: Although first persuaded that his father was speaking to him through Carlo, Sam reverts to his skeptical nature that it was not his father who spoke through Carlo. Moreover, Sam reveals that he is Tony’s hitman and threatens to kill Carlo who has decided t quit the mob and rat on the Giordano Family to which Carlo tries to dissuades Sam with

the logic that Sam would kill Carlo but Tony would kill Sam. Lou and Rabbi Solomon are vexed

as Sam reveals who he is (Tony’s previously unnamed hitman) and they urge Sam to drop his

gun and flee to the FBI now with Carlo before Tony shows up.

SUBTEXT: Lou and Rabbi Solomon are vexed as Sam reveals who he is and they

urge Sam to drop his gun and flee to the FBI now, before Tony shows up.

HOPE/FEAR: Hope that Carlo and Sam will reconcile and go to the FBI. They do.

ACT FOUR – CLIMAX

INT CARLO’S APARTMENT – DAY

Continuing the previous scene.

SCENE ARC: An hilarious sequencial convergence of Sherry, Oleg, Tony, THE FBI (Michelle

and Dave) and Tony’s wife Lisa – REVEAL: Lisa is also an FBI informant. Oleg, Sam, Carlo,

and Sherrie urge Tony to join them in the Witness Protection Program. Oleg says he should do

it, because Tony would get a book and a movie deal. Michelle says, she got word that Don

Primo himself had flipped and is going into the Witness Protection Program. Still, unpursuaded,

Lisa insists that for the sake of their children, Tony should also flip and get into Witness

Protection, which finally convinces Tony. Michelle and Dave can’t believe their luck, in one fell

swoop they have gutted the entire Giordano crime family. Although Lou and Solomon have left

the scene because their mission is accomplished, everybody thanks them before going off to FBI

headquarters.

ESSENCE

CONFLICT:

SUBTEXT

HOPE/FEAR: HOPE has been realized.

RESOLUTION

EXT ON A SUBWAY TRAIN PLATFORM – DAY

SCENE ARC: R. Solomon and Lou part company both stating they are willing to be a team

again because in their mission to save Carlo and Sam, they hit a jackpot of souls. Lou gets on the “D Train” going to a place even better than Yankee Stadium “the Cathedral of Baseball,” namely. The World to Come.

ESSENCE:

CONFLICT: Conflicts resolved.

SUBTEXT:

HOPE / FEAR: Hope is realized. Fear allayed.

. .

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s INTRIGUING MOMENTS

One sentence vision for my success from this program

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

The importance of discovering and creating intrigue to move the story along and keep the audience engaged.

The intriguing moments in each Act of my project.

TITLE OF PROJECT: A N G E L S I N G A N G L A N D

BEGINNING (PRELIMINARY ACTION):

CONSPIRACY: Boss Tony Rizzo orders Carlo Vizzini to kill fellow mafia soldier Lou Tasca.

(MORAL) CONFLICT: Carlo doesn’t want to do it, he likes Lou. Tony tells Carlo, Lou has to be killed because he spilled Giordano family secrets to members of other crime families (we learn he didn’t do this.) Tony promises Carlo that if he kills Lou, he’d become a made man.

Carlo kills Lou, then comes the awe-filled blood rite of becoming a made man, Family godfather Don Primo Giordano presiding.

ACT ONE

CONFLICT: Inciting incident in the Hereafter: Because of his life of crime Lou can not move on to his place in the World to Come. Lou argues with his spirit-guide (Rabbi Solomon Levitsky, a neighbor and father of fellow gangster Sam Levitsky) that he (Lou) did good and should be able to move on to the world to come.

COVERT AGENDA: Solomon sticks to his guns. But says there is a way Lou can rectify his life of crime by one supreme act of good: Lou must return to gangland in his spirit form and persuade Carlo to quit the mob, flip, and join the FBI Witness Protection Program. R. Solomon also wants a collateral good: that if he can get Carlo to quit the mob, his friend Sam (the Rabbi’s son – also a Giordano family associate) will join him in doing the same.

CONFLICT: Lou has his doubts he can convince Carlo and Sam to quit, flip, and enter Witness Protection because Carlo and Sam are hardwired to that oath of Omerta (silence) and not to ‘rat’ on fellow gangsters to the FBI.

But Lou goes along in spite of his feeling that this is Mission Hopeless. It’s his only way to move on to the World to Come.

SECRET DISCLOSED: R. Solomon tells Lou the real reason Tony Rizzo ordered his assassinated was because he (Tony) owed Lou $200,000 in gambling debts and didn’t want to pay it. Lou is livid and can’t wait to tell Carlo that he was duped by Tony Rizzo.

SCHEME: Lou wants to confront Carlo as soon as possible but ends up doing it not in private, but at his 30^th Birthday Party at which all the players are present: Carlo, Sam, and Tony Rizzo. Rabbi Solomon warns against it: “You are supposed to raise up better angels, not cause a St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.”

CRISIS: Tony witnesses Carlo in a paroxysm as he claims that he sees Lou and Tony concludes that a psycho-case like Carlo should be clipped because he will draw heat to the family.

INTRIGUE: Lou also suspects that Carlo and Sam are dealing drugs so he calls Russian mobster Oleg Oransky to get his ex-KGB henchmen to find out if that is the case. (Tony and Oleg share a gasoline bootlegging racket.)

INTRIGUE: Sherrie, Carlo’s fiancé (and a stripper at Tony Rizzo’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club, believes Carlo saw the spirit of Lou Tasca and wants her pole dancing partner “Zoey the Psychic Stripper” to come and do a séance to get Lou’s ghost out of the apartment.

CONFLICT: Sam, after renouncing his religion is a skeptic and thinks it’s crazy. Carlo feels the same because Zoey is also Tony’s mistress and a ditz, but Sherrie wins and calls Zoey.

ACT TWO:

CONFLICT: Sherrie rejects a suggestion by Zoey that the two of them strip for Lou Tasca like the Funeral Strippers in Taiwan. Zoey relents and agrees to a standard séance.

CONSPIRACY: Both R. Solomon and Lou believe that Zoey is an interference in their mission, so, because according to divine decree, Solomon is not to be seen or heard, Solomon teaches Lou how to spirit-possess Carlo to tell Zoey to bud out. That is what is done at the hilarious séance and Zoey, scared out of her wits, does just that.

CONFLICT: Sherrie, although she cannot see Lou believes he is present and welcomes his message to Carlo to quit the mob. Carlo refuses because as a made man he must keep the oath of Omerta (Silence). Sherrie also learns that Carlo killed Lou, over his pleas, she leaves him.

INTRIGUE: Carlo leaves a voicemail with Sam asking him to come over to the apartment. .R. Solomon is glad because now they will have Carlo and Sam together to persuade them both to leave the mob. Lou warns, “Provided Tony Rizzo doesn’t get to them first.”

ACT THREE

Tony Rizzo’s sit down with Oleg Oransky.

CONFLICT: Oleg tells Tony that his former KGB henchmen found no evidence that Carlo and Sam are dealing drugs. Tony rejects that report and says he’ll follow his own gut that they are. He claims he has a hitman ready to do the job.

INTRIGUE: Oleg plays a recording of Don Primo Giordano dissing Tony whom he thinks is a power-hungry loose cannon –that’s why he didn’t make him Underboss. Tony resolves to kill Carlo and Sam and then kill Don Primo and start his own family.

INTRIGUE (HIDDEN IDENTITIES): After Tony leaves, it is revealed that Oleg is an FBI informant wearing a wire for agents Michelle Ippolito and Dave Moore. Michelle did undercover surveillance on Tony as a stripper in his strip joint, posing as a stripper and Dave was presented to Carlo as an Russian crime associate of Oleg named Greeg– ohr-ee.

ACT FOUR

CONFLICT: Lou and Carlo continue to argue Carlo’s quitting the mob and entering Witness Protection.

Sam arrives and tells Carlo to quit talking about Lou Tasca’s ghost.

CONFLiCT: R. Solomon, after arguing with God to make an exception and allow him to speak by spirit possession through Carlo,

INTRIGUE: R. Solomon spirit possesses Carlo and warns Carlo and Sam that Tony is gunning for them both and they must surrender to the FBI right then and enter Witness Protection.

SECRET: Sam, at first convinced he is hearing his father, reverts to his skepticism and reveals that he is the hitman Tony Rizzo has sent to kill Carlo. Carlo retorts that means after Sam kills Carlo, Tony Rizzo will kill Sam. .

Carlo and Sam resolve to quit the mob and surrender to Witness protection.

.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s EMOTIONAL MOMENTS

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?”

Spotting emotional moments throughout the story demonstrates where more development may be applied in order to keep the audience engaged.

ASSIGNMENT

2. Give us a one or two sentence explanation of the emotional moments in each act of your project.

TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

CONCEPT: A slain mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot make it to the World to Come because of his life of crime, but he has a chance to rectify his wrongs and redeem himself: He must return in spirit to his fellow mobster who killed him and persuade him to quit La Cosa Nostra, flip, and enter the Witness Protection Program.

BEGINNING: A Moral Issue and Emotional Dilemma for Carlo when Tony Rizzo orders him to whack Lou Tasca, whom he likes. Tony explains to Carlo that Lou must be executed because he spills secrets to other crime families and moreover Tony provides Carlo with an incentive, i.e., he promises Carlo this killing Lou will qualify him to become a made man of the Giordano crime family. Carlo, at his induction ritual, submits to the oath of silence (Omerta) with excitement. This is an honor he says that he has coveted since he was a child.

ACT ONE:

Distress Lou is distressed to find himself dead and unable to advance to the World to Come, plus he is distressed to learn the real reason Tony Rizzo had him killed by Carlo: Tony didn’t want to pay him the $200,000 gambling debt he owed him.

Bonding: Lou bonds with his spirit guide, Rabbi Solomon Levitsky, who will coach him throughout his mission.

Hidden weakness: Impatiently, Lou wants to ‘get it over with’ so, against R. Solomon’s guidance, Lou (visible to Carlo alone) crashes Carlo’s 30^th Birthday Party and scares Carlo. The guests, who can’t see Lou think he is crazy. Unwittingly, Lou exposed Carlo to being murdered, as Boss Tony feels Carlo is insane, and therefore, a liability for the Giordano family who should be eliminated – he already (rightly) suspects Carlo and his friend Sam (R. Solomon’s son) of the mob’s capital offense of dealing drugs on the sneak.

Betrayal: Tony feigns love of Sam and Carlo, but contacts the Russian Crime Boss, Oleg

Oransky – with whom Tony shares a lucrative gasoline bootlegging racket – to ask him to send

his ex-KGB henchmen to snoop around and confirm whether or not they are dealing junk. A full

and fatal plot of betrayal against Carlo and Sam by Tony is now activated.

Distress: Sherrie,, a stripper at Tony’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club and Carlo’s loving

fiancé (who wants him to leave the mob), believes that Carlo is not insane but has seen the spirit

of Lou Tasca and recruits her fellow poledance partner, Zoey the Psychic Stripper (who is also

Tony’s mistress) to do a séance to rid Carlo’s apartment of the spirit of Lou Tasca.

Surprised and distressed by the interloping of a spirit medium, R. Solomon teaches Lou

the art of spirit-possession of living person for him ro do during the séance.

Courageously Lou possesses Carlo, following R. Solomon’s guidance. And tells Zoey to stop interfering with his mission to save Carlo’s life and soul.

In distress, Zoey does stop the séance and leaves Sherrie and Carlo, warning Carlo to do as Lou tells him (and leave the mob).

Distress Sherrie leaves Carlo when she discerns that he had killed Lou Tasca and refuses to leave ‘the life’ because once in it, you can’t get out. Carlo is now alone and exposed to execution by Tony Rizzo.

ACT THREE

Surprise: R. Solomon eaves drops on the meeting of Tony with Oleg Oransky. At the meeting, Tony indicates he already has a hitman ready to undertake the murder of Carlo and Sam and disregards Oleg’s assurance that his ex-KGB determined that Carlo and Sam are not dealing drugs. R. Solomon also learns that Oleg is an FBI informant who together with his FBI handlers will rush to Carlo and Sam to save their lives from Tony’s hitman.

Betrayal: Tony learns that he has been betrayed by his boss, Don Primo Giordano. He plans to kill him also and start his own family beginning with his crew, minus Carlo and Sam whom he also must eliminate.

ACT FOUR Climax

Distress: R. Solomon cannot communicate with Sam until he begs God to give him the authority again to spirit possess Carlo to tell Sam their lives are in danger from Tony Rizzo..

Excitement: God gives permission to R. Solomon to spirit-possess Carlo to warn Carlo and Sam that their lives are in danger from Tony Rizzo.

Big Betrayal: Carlo discovers that Sam is the hitman ordered by Tony to kill him, after which, Tony would kill Sam.

Bonding: Carlo convinces Sam to drop the gun and join him in leaving the mob and surrender to the FBI and Witness Protection.

Success/Winning: In triumph, R. Solomon and Lou depart as their mission is accomplished.

Bonding/Success/Surprise: Sherrie and Zoey arrive to get more of Sherrie’s things, but when Carlo tells Sheirrie that he and Sam are leaving the mob, Sherrie and Carlo are back together again. Oleg shows up to warn Carlo and Sam they are in danger and to join him in joining the Witness Protection Program.

Distress: Tony shows up and threatens to kill all of them for ‘turning rat’ but the FBI shows up and arrests them all, inviting Tony to also turn rat.

Success: Lisa (Tony’s wife) shows up, she has been an FBI Informant and persuades Tony to also ‘turn rat.’

RESOLUTION:

Bonding of R. Solomon and Lou in success.

Success: Lou can now move on to the World to Come. Mission accomplished.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s REVEALS

VISION:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?”

Careful setups and reveals create interest and drive the story.

SETUPS AND REVEALS

ACT ONE: Setup: The assassination of Lou Tasca is the set up for what happens in the story.

INCITING INCIDENT: REVEAL: Lou cannot make it into the World to Come because of his life of crime, he can only redeem himself by talking his killer (Carlo) into quitting the mob, flipping, and entering the Witness Protection Program.

BEGINNING SETUP: Stripper Michelle Ippolito at Tony Rizzo’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club, and Boris at Russian crime boss Oleg Oransky’ Trump Tower apartment, seem suspiciously inquisitive.

BEGINNING – SETUP: Tony had ordered Carlo to whack Lou because Lou had spilled Giordano family secrets to other crime families.

ACT 1 – REVEAL: Solomon reveals to Lou that the reason Tony ordered Carlo to assassinate him is that he (Lou) was spilling family secrets to other crime families. That is insulting enough to Lou, but also the real reason Tony wanted Lou out of the way was because he owed him $200,000 in gambling debts and didn’t want to pay it.

ACT 2 – SETUP: Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé) secures the services of her pole dancing partner Zoey the Psychic Stripper to conduct a séance in order to escort the spirit of Lou Tasca into the hereafter.

ACT 2: SETUP Rabbi Solomon teaches Lou how to spiritually possess Carlo to tell Zoey to stop the séance and bud out of Rabbi Solomon and Lou’s mission to get Carlo to quit the mob.

REVEAL: All happens as planned.

BEGINNING: Don Primo Giordano does not choose Tony Rizzo to be his Underboss (2^nd in command). Tony mulls over the idea of leaving the Giordano family and creating his own family.

ACT 3: REVEAL: Oleg plays a tape for Tony of Don Primo Giordano denouncing Tony who he says he should probably whack because he’s a trigger-happy rebel and a drunken gambler who will draw heat. Tony then says he will whack Don Primo and start his own mafia family.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s CHARACTER ACTION TRACKS

VISION:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?”

Trait-derived action tracks create story.

LOU TASCA (PROTAGONIST)

TRAIT Bewilderment

ACTION: Doesn’t understand the hereafter; why he was killed and why he is denied entrance to the World to Come.

His mission is to get his killer (Carlo) to leave the mob and join witness protection which he believes is impossible, if not hopeless, because of the oath of silence, all mafia members and associates must subscribe to.

TRAIT Anger.

ACTION Lou is ftrustrated that Carlo resists turning himself in to the Feds which is the only way that Lou can enter the World to Come.

TRAIT; Remorse.

ACTION: When he disobeys his spirit-guide Rabbi Solomon’s and crashes Carlo’s Birthday Party, it backfires He expresses his remorse for disobedience to Rabbi Solomon.

When Lou tries to explain to Carlo that just as his fiancé Sherrie wants him to quit the mob, he (Lou) tells Carlo his remorse that the love of his life also wanted him to quit, but he did not, so she left him. “Quit the mob, Carlo, and you’ll have a real life with the love of your life.

TRAIT: Lou is capable of growth.

ACTION: When he follows Solomon’s instruction to benignly spirit-possess Carlo, he grows to truly care about Carlo which means his gangster-self is being transformed into a good soul worthy of his share in the World to Come.

TONY RIZZO (ANTAGONIST)

TRAIT: Suspicion.

ACTION: He easily (and rightly) suspects that Carlo and Sam are his adversaries by their engaging in their own drug racket on the side.

TRAIT: Greed.

ACTION: He orders Carlo to whack Lou Tasca on the grounds that he blabs Giordano family secrets to other crime families, but his real reason for ordering the hit is that he (Tony) owes Lou $200,000 in gambling debts and he doesn’t want to pay him.

He also bribes Carlo saying, “Whack Lou and I’ll open the books for you and you’ll be a Made Man.” All the time thinking he can get Carlo to be his yes-man as Tony in fact has thought of starting his own family after Don Primo Giordano passed over Tony for the position of Underboss – his second in command.

TRAIT: Addictive personality.

ACTION: He keeps a ‘gumar’ or Mistress, loves his booze, and is a compulsive gambler.

TRAIT: Love of violence.

ACTION: He orders Carlo to whack Lou. He also wants to start his own family by whacking his family boss Don Primo Giordano. His love of violence is like that love of violence of Tony’s idol Crazy Joe Gallo, who whacked Albert Anastasia and Joe Colombo and started his own family. Tony even dresses like “Crazy Joe” and is called “Crazy Tony” behind his back.

TRAIT: Loves his children.

ACTION: He is especially devoted to his son who is a paraplegic but wants none of his children (two sons and a daughter) to have any connection to his life nor does he want them in the Cosa Nostra life.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s NEW OUTLINE BEATS

ONE- SENTENCE VISION FOR MY SUCCESS AFTER THIS PROGRAM:

To get my screenplay “Angels in Gangland” sold and produced. Then, I want to become a great writer who delivers more entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

Exhaustive review of an Beat Sheet tests the story and firms it up.

2. START AT THE BEGINNING OF THE OUTLINE, MOVE THROUGH IT TO SEE IF THERE ARE ANY OBVIOUS MISSING BEATS. IF SO, ADD THEM.

TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND”

LOU TASCA PROTAGONIST JOURNEY.

RABBI SOLOMON LEVINSKY (PROTAGONIST 2 JOURNEY) Spirit guide to Lou Tasca.

TONY RIZZO (ANTAGONIST JOURNEY) Mob boss who ordered Lou’s execution

BEGINNING: The slain gangster, Lou Tasca (PJ) narrates the story: “My name is Lou Tasca. I was a gangster, now I’m dead. This is my story”

At Tony Rizzo’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club, Mob boss, Crazy Tony Rizzo (AJ) orders Carlo Vizzini to whack Lou Tasca (PJ) on the false charge that he spills their Giordano Family secrets to members of other Crime Families. He sends Lou and Carlo out to Russian crime boss, Oleg Oransky, in his Trump Tower apartment, to pick of a cash envelope of Tony’s cut from their gasoline bootlegging racket. They meet an ex-KGB officer Dmitri who oddly wears a New York Mets Baseball cap (strange for a Russian Vor (Russian: criminal). On the way back to the Playhouse, Carlo whacks Lou, says a prayer using the Rosary he keeps in his shoulder holster. Then, he returns with the cash to the Playhouse. Tony assures Carlo that for his slaying of Lou, he will become a Made Man.

A NARRATIVE MONTAGE (RATHER THAN TELL IT, SHOW IT): Lou introduces the characters of his mob associate Sam Levinsky and his father Rabbi Solomon Levinsky who disowned his son when he became an associate of the Giordano Crime Family. Likewise, to answer the question of how crime entered the devoutly Jewish family Rabbi Levinsky: He declined being a pulpit rabbi and worked as an accountant in the mafia-ridden Garment District in NYC, where he once ministered to a dying gangster and his Uncle Max was a member of the Bugs-Meyer Mob when they cracked Nazi skulls at the Madison Square Garden Nazi rally and ran guns to the Haganah in Palestine. They regarded Max as a hero for protecting the Jewish community.

INCITING INCIDENT: In the hereafter (between two worlds) Lou meets his old neighbor Rabbi Solomon Levinsky (P2J) who will be Lou’s spirit guide. Solomon (P2J) tells Lou that because of his life of crime, he cannot advance to the World to Come. His only hope is to go back on a mission to persuade his killer, Carlo, to quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness Protection Program. If successful, then, Lou would advance to the World to Come. Lou also learns the real reason that Lou hade him whacked:

DEEPER LAYER (REVEAL): The real reason Tony (AJ) wanted Lou (PJ) eliminated is that he owes him $200,000 in gambling debts – not because of the false charge that Lou spills secrets to other Crime Families.

TURNING POINT 1: Rabbi Solomon (P2J) also tells Lou (PJ)that he wants a collateral good: That if Lou can persuade Carlo to quit the mob, Solomon’s apostate son, Sam, a Giordano Family associate will follow Carlo and do likewise. They leave on their mission which will begin at Carlo’s 30^th Birthday Party, in his Manhattan apartment.

ACT 2: Against Rabbi Solomon’s (P2J) guidance, instead of seeking a private time with Carlo, Lou (PJ) crashes the party and appears to Carlo, unseen by others. However, Carlo’s panicked reaction, plus, claiming to see the ghost of Lou Tasca convinces his boss, Tony Rizzo (AJ) that Carlo is insane, and therefore a liability to the mob who needs to be eliminated. Meanwhile, Tony (AJ) already (rightly) suspects Carlo and Sam of the mob world’s capital offense of dealing drugs on the side. Tony (AJ) calls Russian mob boss Oleg Oransky, his partner in a gasoline bootlegging racket to have his ex-KGB henchmen investigate Carlo and Sam to confirm his suspicions or prove them unfounded. Oleg agrees and promises a sitdown with Tony to discuss the findings.

Meanwhile, Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé and a stripper at Tony’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club) believes Carlo’s ghost story and calls her pole dancing partner Zoey the Psychic Stripper to do a séance to remove Lou’s spirit from the apartment. Sam, the skeptic, leaves the apartment although he tells Carlo and Sherrie to call, if they need him. Although he lets them know he wants nothing to do with a séance with Zoey because she is Tony Rizzo’s (AJ) mistress and he believes things will get crazier or even dangerous.

TURNING POINT 2: Solomon (P2J) and Lou (PJ) realize that Zoey will only prove to be a hindrance to their mission to save Carlo and Sam. To tell Zoey to bud out, Solomon teaches Lou how to spirit-possess Carlo to tell Zoey to get lost. She ends the séance, and quits the Playhouse, and Tony but not without first sharing her experience with close associates of Tony and some of the other strippers, including an always inquisitive stripper named Michelle.

REVEAL: Michelle Ippolito the stripper is an undercover FBI agent spying on Tony Rizzo.

ACT 3. The Séance which is interrupted from the beginning by the spirit of a fan of Zoey from another club who doesn’t realize he’s dead and then, a familiar spirit aquainted with Zoey since she learned mediumship in Egypt. Finally, Lou (PJ), coached by Solomon (PJ) spirit-possesses Carlo and convinces Zoey to bud out as she will interfere with Lou and Solomon’s mission to save Carlo’s life and soul.

TURNING POINT 3: Sherrie believes Lou (PJ) and his message to quit the mob and turn to Witness Protection – she has wanted Carlo to quit. Then she realizes that Carlo killed Lou and leaves Carlo, breaking their engagement. Carlo leaves a voice mail with Sam to come over, as he needs his support. This looks ideal that they get Sam and Carlo together and maybe get both of them to quit the mob at the same time, but Lou and Solomon both know, Tony Rizzo could reach them first, with a gun.

ACT 4 CLIMAX Oleg and Tony (AJ) have their sitdown. Oleg tells Tony that his men found Carlo and Sam clean of drug dealing. Tony rejects their conclusion and plans to kill them. Oleg offers to bring in two assassins from Russia to poison them or kill them by sniper fire. Tony says he wants to do it quickly by himself. Oleg plays a tape of Don Primo Giordano dissing Tony and Tony decides he’ll create his own family, but without the crazy Carlo and Sam who are dealing drugs.

REVEAL: Oleg is revealed to be an FBI informant and speaks to his handlers on the phone, i.e., Michelle Ippolito and Dave Moore, who was Dmitri in an earlier scene, as was Michelle Ippolito who spied on Tony undercover as a stripper at Tony’s Playhouse.

Now they are resolved to save Carlo and Sam’s lives and persuade them to flip. Solomon (PJ) overhears Oleg and the FBI agent’s conversation and returns to Carlo’s apartment. Where Solomon spirit-possesses Carlo and warns Sam and Carlo to save their lives and flip. There is a conflagration of Sherrie, Oleg, Tony (AJ) and the FBI who try to persuade Tony also to join Witness Protection. Sherrie and Tony also recognize FBI agent Michelle Ippolito as the inquisitive stripper at the Playhouse. Tony resists their appeal to him to flip until Tony’s wife Lisa appears.

DEEPER LAYER (REVEAL): In addition to the other heretofore undercover FBI agents and iinformants, it is now revealed that Lisa Rizzo (Tony’s wife) has been an FBI informant.

ACT 4 CLIMAX (CONT’D) Lisa says she will forgive Tony (AJ) for all his infidelities if for the well-being of their marriage, their children, and their future, he would join the Witness Protection Program. Tony (AJ) agrees.

RESOLUTION: Escorted by FBI agents Dave Moore and Michelle Ippolito, Carlo and Sam, Oleg, Sherrie, Tony and Lisa exit to their destination in FBI custody and the Witness Protection Program while Lou (PJ) and Rabbi Solomon (P2J). Their mission accomplished Lou (PJ) and Solomon (P2J) also de-materialize headed to the World to Come, which Lou has now well earned.

DEEPER LAYER: There is a world beyond and it intersects with this world here and now, but people do not see it

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s BEAT SHEET DRAFT 1

ONE SENTENCE VISION FOR MY SUCCESS AFTER THIS PROGRAM:

To get my screenplay “Angels in Gangland” sold and produced. Then, I want to become a great writer who delivers more entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

The discipline of a beat sheet and how important it is not to wordsmith at this stage.

TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND”

LOU TASCA PROTAGONIST JOURNEY.

RABBI SOLOMON LEVINSKY (PROTAGONIST 2 JOURNEY) Spirit guide to Lou Tasca.

TONY RIZZO (ANTAGONIST JOURNEY) Mob boss who ordered Lou’s execution

BEGINNING: Tony (AJ) orders Carlo Vizzini to whack Lou (PJ) on the false charge that he spills their Giordano Family secrets to members of other Crime Families.

INCITING INCIDENT: In the hereafter (between two worlds) Lou meets an old neighbor Rabbi Solomon Levinsky (P2J) who will be Lou’s spirit guide. Solomon (P2J) tells Lou that because of his life of crime, he cannot advance to the World to Come. His only hope is to go back on a mission to persuade his killer, Carlo, to quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness Protection Program. If successful, then, Lou would advance to the World to Come. Lou also learns the real reason that Lou hade him whacked:

DEEPER LAYER (REVEAL): The real reason Tony (AJ) wanted Lou (PJ) eliminated is that he owes him $200,000 in gambling debts – not because of the false charge that Lou spills secrets to other Crime Families.

TURNING POINT 1: Rabbi Solomon (P2J) also tells Lou (PJ)that he wants a collateral good: That if Lou can persuade Carlo to quit the mob, Solomon’s apostate son, Sam, a Giordano Family associate will follow Carlo and do likewise. They leave on their mission which will begin at Carlo’s 30^th Birthday Party, in his Manhattan apartment.

ACT 2: Against Rabbi Solomon’s (P2J) guidance, instead of seeking a private time with Carlo, Lou (PJ) crashes the party and appears to Carlo, unseen by others. However, Carlo’s panicked reaction, plus, claiming to see the ghost of Lou Tasca convinces his boss, Tony Rizzo (AJ) that Carlo is insane, and therefore a liability to the mob who needs to be eliminated. Meanwhile, Tony (AJ) already (rightly) suspects Carlo and Sam of the mob world’s capital offense of dealing drugs on the side. Tony (AJ) calls Russian mob boss Oleg Oransky, his partner in a gasoline bootlegging racket to have his ex-KGB henchmen investigate Carlo and Sam to confirm his suspicions or prove them unfounded. Oleg agrees and promises a sitdown with Tony to discuss the findings.

Meanwhile, Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé and a stripper at Tony’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club) believes Carlo’s ghost story and calls her pole dancing partner Zoey the Psychic Stripper to do a séance to remove Lou’s spirit from the apartment. Sam, the skeptic, leaves the apartment although he offers to help, if needed. But he wants nothing to do with a séance of Zoey because she is Tony Rizzo’s (AJ) mistress and he believes things will get crazier or even dangerous.

TURNING POINT 2: Solomon (P2J) and Lou (PJ) realize that Zoey will only prove to be a hindrance to their mission to save Carlo and Sam. To tell Zoey to bud out, Solomon teaches Lou how to spirit-possess Carlo to tell Zoey to get lost. She ends the séance, and quits the Playhouse, and Tony but not without sharing her experience with close associates of Tony and some of the other strippers, including an always inquisitive stripper named Michelle.

REVEAL: Michelle Ippolito is an FBI agent spying on Tony Rizzo

ACT 3. The Séance which is interrupted from the beginning by the spirit of a fan of Zoey from another club who doesn’t realize he’s dead and then, a familiar spirit aquainted with Zoey since she learned mediumship in Egypt. Finally, Lou (PJ), coached by Solomon (PJ) spirit-possesses Carlo and convinces Zoey to bud out as she will interfere with Lou and Solomon’s mission to save Carlo’s life and soul.

TURNING POINT 3: Sherrie believes Lou (PJ) and his message to quit the mob and turn to Witness Protection – she has wanted Carlo to quit. Then she realizes that Carlo killed Lou and leaves Carlo, breaking their engagement. Carlo leaves a voice mail with Sam to come over, as he needs his support. This looks ideal that they get Sam and Carlo together and maybe get both of them to quit the mob at the same time, but Lou and Solomon both know, Tony Rizzo could reach them first, with a gun.

ACT 4 CLIMAX Oleg and Tony (AJ) have their sitdown. Oleg tells Tony that his men found Carlo and Sam clean of drug dealing. Tony rejects their conclusion and plans to kill them. Oleg offers to bring in two assassins from Russia to poison them or kill them by sniper fire. Tony says he wants to do it quickly by himself. Oleg plays a tape of Don Primo Giordano dissing Tony and Tony decides he’ll create his own family, but without the crazy Carlo and Sam who are dealing drugs.

REVEAL: Oleg is revealed to be an FBI informant and speaks to his handlers on the phone. Dave who was Dmitri in an earlier seen is an FBI agent also, so was Michelle Ippolito who spied on Tony undercover as a stripper at Tony’s Playhouse.

Now they are resolved to save Carlo and Sam’s lives and persuade them to flip. Solomon (PJ) overhears Oleg and the FBI agent’s conversation and returns to Carlo’s apartment. Where Solomon spirit-possesses Carlo and warns Sam and Carlo to save their lives and flip. There is a conflagration of Sherrie, Oleg, Tony (AJ) and the FBI who try to persuade Tony also to join Witness Protection. Tony resists until Tony’s wife Lisa appears.

DEEPER LAYER (REVEAL): In addition to the other heretofore undercover FBI agents and iinformants, it is now revealed that Lisa has been an FBI informant.

ACT 4 CLIMAX (CONT’D) Lisa says she will forgive Tony (AJ) for all his infidelities if for the well-being of their marriage, their children, and their future, he would join the Witness Protection Program. Tony (AJ) agrees.

RESOLUTION: Escorted by FBI agents Dave Moore and Michelle Ippolito, Carlo and Sam, Oleg, Sherrie, Tony and Lisa exits to their destination in FBI custody and the Witness Protection Program while Lou (PJ) and Rabbi Solomon (P2J). Their mission accomplished Lou (PJ) and Solomon (P2J) also de-materialize headed to the World to Come, which Lou has now well earned.

DEEPER LAYER: There is a world beyond and it intersects with this world here and now, but people do not see it

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s DEEPER LAYER

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM:

That I become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED FROM DOING THIS LESSON IS…?

There can be no good script without a deeper layer to the story.

2, AS WE DID ABOVE WITH ‘THE SIXTH SENSE’CREATE EACH PIECE OF THE DEEPER LAYER PUZZLE:

TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND.”

SURFACE LAYER: The Spirit of slain gangster Lou Tasca cannot get into the World to Come because of his life of crime, however, his spirit guide (Rabbi Solomon Levinsky tells Lou that he will get in if he goes back to gangland and persuade his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness Protection Program and can bring the Rabbi’s own son (Sam) to quit the mob also..

DEEPER LAYER: Carlo was ordered to kill Lou by their boss, (Tony Rizzo) on the false charge that Lou had been spilling Giordano Family secrets to other crime families, whereas, actually, Tony wanted Lou out of the way because he owed him $200,000 in gambling debts. Tony (rightly) suspects Carlo and Sam of dealing drugs and especially when he hears Carlo ranting about seeing the ghost of Lou Tasca, Tony seeks counsel from Russian mob boss Oleg Oransky, with whom he shares a gasoline bootlegging racket, as to whether or not he should whack Carlo and Sam. Oleg has ex-KGB officers in his gang who can check out whether or not Carlo and Sam are mixed up in drugs.

MAJOR REVEAL: Oleg Oransky is actually an FBI informant who along with his FBI handlers, will do everything to save the lives of Carlo and Sam. Also, Lisa Rizzo (Tony’s wife) has been an FBI informant, as well.

INFLUENCE SURFACE STORY: Oleg and his FBI informants don’t know it but they become the allies of Lou and Solomon’s mission to not only save Carlo and Sam from Tony Rizzo’s murderous conspiracy against them, but also to talk Carlo and Sam into leaving the mob, flipping to the FBI, and joining the Witness Protection Program.

HINTS: At the beginning of the movie, there is suspicion that an alleged ex-KGB agent (Dmitri) in Oleg’s not ex-KGB. (Seems American) He is. In fact Dmitri is FBI agent Dave Moore, fluent in Russian. He also listens in and coaches Oleg in a phone conversation with Tony.

CHANGES REALITY: Lou and Rabbi Solomon’s pursuit of Carlo and Sam to save their lives

is assured of accomplishment as Rabbi Solomon overheard Oleg’s conversation with Tony and

the FBI. Rabbi Solomon, through spirit-possession warns Carlo and Sam that Tony plans to kill

them and gthe best thing they can do to protect themselves is surrender to the FBI, flip, and enter

the Witness Protection Program.

3. AS DONE WITH ‘THE IRON MAN’ ADD THE STRUCTURE TO THE CHARACTERS TO THE SCRIPT.

LOU TASCA (PROTAGONIST).

BEGINNING: Gangster Lou Tasca ia whacked by fellow wiseguy Carlo Vizzini on the orders of their boss, Tony Rizzo. The official reason: Lou had been telling Giordano Family secrets to other crime families (False). Real reason: Tony owed Lou $200,000 in gambling debts.

INCITING INCIDENT: From his spirit-guide, Rabbi Solomon Levinsky, whom he knew in life, Lou is told that because of his life of crime he cannot move on to the World to Come unless he does an act of supreme good: Convince his killer (Carlo) to do what Lou should have done, i.e., quit the mob, flip, and go into the Witness Protection Program. Rabbi Solomon assures him he will go with him back to gangland and coach him. He also tells Lou the real reason Tony Rizzo ordered his execution.

TURNING POINT 1: Furious and doubting that he can convince a wiseguy to “turn rat,” Lou still resolves to undertake his mission to persuade Carlo to leave the mob and through Carlo to also take Sam with him, Sam is Rabbi Solomon’s son, who also became an Associate of the Giordano Crime Family.

ACT 2: Against Rabbi Solomon’s advice, Lou appears visible only to Carlo at his 30^th Birthday

Party, frightening the guests with his claim to be seeing Lou , among whom is his boss, Tony

Rizzo who now believes Carlo should be eliminated because an insane wiseguy is a liability.

Tony already (rightly) suspects Carlo and Sam of dealing drugs but Tony calls his gasoline

bootlegging partner, Russian mob boss Oleg Oransky to have his ex-KGB Henchmen investigate

Carlo and Sam and determine if they are involved. Although such a search was done previously

and found no drug involvement, Oleg says he will proceed with another investigation and will

have a sitdown with Tony to discuss the findings. Sam, who abandoned his Jewish religion is

skeptical of Carlo’s claim to have seen Lou. Sam walks out. Lou agrees never to act against

Rabbi Solomon’s guidance. Sam, the Rabbi’s son and Carlo’s friend and fellow wiseguy is

skeptical of Carlo’s claim.

TURNING POINT 2: Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé) believes his claim to have seen Lou and she

wants to have her pole dancing partner, “Zoey the Psychic Stripper” do a séance to expel Lou’s

spirit from Carlo and Sherrie’s apartment.

ACT 3: Lou and Rabbi Solomon are alarmed that a spirit medium is going to interfere with their

Mission to help Carlo. Rabbi Solomon teaches Lou how to spirit posses Carlo during the séance

and tell her to bud out. It works. But Sherrie (who wants Carlo to quit the mob) finds out that

Carlo killed Lou and decides to leave him.

TURNING POINT 3: When Carlo calls Sam to come to his apartment, Lou and Rabbi

Solomon are both glad that if the two of them are together, they can work with both fiends at the

same time and get them to quit the mob, but as Lou notes, that can be as long as they get to both

of them before Tony Rizzo does.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: Rabbi Solomon comes back from learning Tony Rizzo is putting into play a

scheme to kill Carlo and Sam but Oleg, now exposed as an FBI informant and FBI agents are

coming to warn Carlo and Sam that their lives are in danger. After spirit-possessing Carlo,

Rabbi Solomon’s warning and urging him and Carlo to quit the mob and flip to the FBI and enter

Witness Protection. Tony arrives ready to kill but so does the FBI who accept Sam and Carlo’s

surrendering and even .Tony who is persuaded by all them, but especially Lisa (Tony’s wife) to

flip to the FBI also. She is revealed to also be an FBI informant.

RESOLUTION: Lou and Rabbi Solomon withdraw as their mission is accomplished, Lou

moves on to his place in The World to Come.

RABBI SOLOMON LEVINSKY (PROTAGONIST)

BEGINNING: He is a Rabbi whose son, Sam, joined his friend Carlo to enter the Giordano

crime family.

INCITING INCIDENT: He meets the soul of slain mobster Lou Tasca and tells him that

because of his life of crime, he cannot proceed to his portion of The World to Come unless he

does an act of supreme good: Convince his killer, Carlo Vizzini to quit the mob and join the

Witness Protection Program. He also hopes for collateral good, namely, that if he can get Carlo

to quit the mob, Sam will follow him.

TURNING POINT 1: Lou needs help in this mission and Rabbi Solomon, as his spirit guide,

Says, he will go with him and coach him, although Lou will be visible only to Carlo and

Solomon will be visible only to Lou.

ACT 2: Solomon tells Lou not to appear to Carlo in front of others, but Lou, anxious to get the

game over ASAP does show. Solomon tells Lou that he exposed Carlo to Tony as possibly

insane and destined, perhaps, to execution, as Carlo and Sam are already suspected of the capital

crime in the Mafia of selling drugs. Lou promises Solomon he will never again to anything

against Solomon’s advice.

TURNING POINT 2 Rabbi Solomon is alarmed when Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé) who believes

Carlo has seen Lou, asks her pole dancing partner “Zoey the Psychic Stripper” to lead a séance to

expel Lou’s spirit from Carlo and Sherrie’s apartment.

ACT 3: After teaching Lou how to spirit-possess Carlo, Solomon is pleased that Zoey is made o

bud out so that his and Lou’s mission to get Carlo to leave the mob may proceed without

hindrance. However, Carlo keeps resisting Lou’s demand to quit the mob. Sherrie, who wants

Carlo to leave the mob, leaves Carlo after she discerns (correctly) that Carlo killed Lou.

Carlo leaves a voicemail on Sam’s phone to come to his apartment.

TURNING POINT 3: Rabbi Solomon is relieved at this, because now both Sam and Carlo are

together and he and Lou can persuade them both to leave the mob. Lou ominously says to him,

as long as Tony Rizzo doesn’t get to them first.

ACT 4: Rabbi Solomon eavesdrops on Tony and Oleg’s ‘sitdown’ and learns that Tony is on

the way to kill Carlo and Sam and that Oleg is an FBI informant who along with his handlers

want to save their lives. Rabbi Solomon gets to Carlo’s apartment first and tells Lou, Carlo, and

Sam that their lives are in immediate danger from Tony and that the FBI is on their way and the

best thing they could do is surrender to them and enter the Witness Protection Program. In a

raucus conflagration of Carlo, Sam, Sherrie, Oleg, Tony, the FBI Agents (Michelle and Dave),

and Lisa (Tony’s wife and now revealed to be an FBI informant), Carlo, Sam, Oleg, and Tony

himself surrender to the FBI and Witness Protection.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: Now that their mission is accomplished, Rabbi Solomon and Lou disappear.

But Carlo and Sam thank them as do the FBI agents. Sam indicates that he will return to the

Judaism in which his father, Rabbi Solomon had raised him.

RESOLUTION: Lou and Rabbi Solomon now proceed to the World to Come.

“CRAZY TONY” RIZZO (ANTAGONIST)

BEGINNING: Tony is the capo (captain) of a crew in the Giordano Crime Family that includes

Lou Tasca, Carlo Vizzini, and Sam Levinsky. He orders Carlo to execute Lou Tasca on the

grounds that he is allegedly spilling Giordano Family secrets to other crime families. The real

reason: Tony owes Lou $200,000 in gambling debts. Carlo assassinates Lou.

INCITING INCEDENT: Tony suspects Carlo and Sam of selling drugs – a capital offense in

Cosa Nostra but at Carlo’s 30^th Birthday Party, Tony is alarmed when Carlo freaks out claiming

that he sees the ghost of Lou Tasca and alludes to $200,000 –no further reference. Tony thinks

he may have to kill Carlo because of his insane behavior, however, he has to determine if Carlo

and Sam are dealing drugs. He calls his partner in a gasoline bootlegging racket, Russian mob

boss, Oleg Oransky, whose alleged ex-KGB henchmen are top investigators. Lisa, Tony’s

wife, suspects Tony is on the phone with his Gumar (Mistress) “Zoey the Psychic Stripper” who

is Sherrie’s pole dancing partner at Tony’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club. Tony pleads to Lisa

that he no longer has a relationship with her and he can’t discuss the phone call because it’s mob

“business.”

TURNING POINT 1: Oleg agrees to set the investigation in motion and have a sitdown with

Tony to discuss the findings.

ACT 2: Zoey the Psychic Stripper calls Tony and says Sherrie asked her to conduct a séance to

drive Lou Tasca’s spirit away AND not to worry because the $200,000 mystery will be solved.

This sends Tony into a panic because he fears that the real circumstances of Lou Tasca’s

Assassination and his reasons will be exposed. Lisa (rightly) suspects he was on the phone

with Zoey.

TURNING POINT 2: Tony calls Oleg again to speed the investigation along. Tony is

pleased to hear Oleg say he has news and advice and invites Tony to a sitdown at his sumptuous

Russian Restaurant in Brighton Beach.

ACT 3: At the sitdown with Oleg, he tells Tony that his infallible ex-KGB henchman stand by

their first exhaustive and extensive investigation that Carlo and Sam are clean. Tony rejects their

conclusion and tells Oleg that he trusts his intuition and will proceed with their execution. He

also confesses the real reason for the assassination of Lou Tasca and it’s real reason. Tony needs

money, he has a paraplegic child who demands special attention and so he gambles a great deal.

Tony indicates that appeals to Don Primo Giordano for help have not been answered. Oleg plays

a recording of Don Primo, dissing Tony and saying he’s glad he didn’t make him Underboss.

Tony decides to start his own family but not with Carlo and Sam, they need to be eliminated.

Oleg offers to fly in to New York, two Russian Mafia assassins to do the job but Tony says he

already has a plan he’ll just put it in motion.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: Tony shows up at Carlo’s apartment. It was his plan to have Sam kill Carlo

then he would kill Sam. But Sam was talked out of it by Carlo with whom he reconciles. But

Tony barges in on Carlo, Sherrie, Sam, Oleg who all plan to enter the Witness Protection

Program. The FBI shows up, they put all of them under arrest and offer Tony the opportunity to

flip like the others, he says no, until Lisa, revealing that she has been an FBI and convinces Tony

to quit the mob and join Witness Protection for the well-being of their children. Tony flips with

the others.

RESOLUTION: Tony flips and is led out of the apartment with Carlo, Sherrie, Sam, and Oleg

who are going into Witness Protection. .

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’s CHARACTER STRUCTURE

<ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″>My vision for success after this program: </ins>

<ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″>I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced. </ins>

<ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″>What I learned from doing this assignment is…?</ins>

The creation of character structure also is revealing and sparks even more creative development of characters.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE JOURNEY – PROTAGONIST.

L O U T A S C A

BEGINNING: Lou is ‘whacked’ by Carlo Vizzini on the order of their boss, Crazy Tony Rizzo, Caporegime in the Giordano crime family, ostensibly because Lou was spilling Giordano family secrets to other families. Real reason: Tony didn’t want to pay Lou the $200,000 in gambling debts that he owed him.

INCITING INCIDENT: Lou finds himself between 2 worlds and can’t get into the World to Come because of a lifetime of crime UNLESS he goes back and does an act of supreme good: Persuade his killer (Carlo) to quit the mob, flip, and enter Witness Protection – something Lou should have done. He also finds out the real reason Tony ordered his execution and is eager to get it done and get to the World to Come. Rabbi Solomon discloses that he wants a collateral good, namely, if Lou could persuade Carlo to leave the mob, his friend, Solomon’s son, Sam will join him.

TURNING POINGT 1: Against his spirit guide’s (Rabbi Solomon Levinsky) advice, Lou appears to Carlo (visible only to Carlo) at his 30^th Birthday Party and startles him. When Crazy Tony sees Carlo go hysterical, claiming that he sees Lou, he believes Carlo is insane and a liability to the crime family – he already (rightly) suspects Tony and his mob friend Sam (Rabbi Solomon’s son) to be dealing drugs which automatically means they must be executed. Lou is sorry for his rash action which could result in Carlo and Sam’s execution by Tony Rizzo. Plus, Tony has another anxiety, Carlo was told by Lou to mention $200,000 to Tony. When he does, Tony is visibly upset and fears his secret about the real reason for ordering Lou’s execution is now exposed.

ACT 2: Carlo’s fiancé – -Sherrie, a stripper at Tony’s strip join, believes he has seen the spirit of Lou Tasca and wants to have a séance with her pole dance partner Zoey the Psychic Stripper who is also Tony’s mistress, in order to send Lou away. The stripper-medium believes Lou is trying to tell Carlo where $200,000 can be found. She tells Tony and he fears his murderous plan against Lou will be discovered. This only cues Rabbi Solomon and Lou to use the Séance as an opportunity to get Zoey the Spirit Medium to bud out of their mission to get Carlo (and Sam) to quit the mob. Through a clever plan of spirit-possession, Lou tells Zoey exactly that and scares her off. But it leaves Carlo and Sam still exposed to being whacked by Tony Rizzo.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint. The Seanc goes exactly as planned. Zoey is scared away from Lou and Solomon’s mission to save Carlo. But Carlo although he gets the message to quit the mob, still won’t budge. Sherrie, who wanted all along for Carlo to quit the mob, walks out on Carlo, leaving him alone and still exposed to Tony Rizzo’s plan to assassinate him and Sam. Tony leaves a voicemail message with Sam to get him to come to his apartment. But the danger they are in from Tony is clear.

ACT 3: At Carlo’s apartment. Lou still urges Carlo to quit the mob. Carlo still resists. Sam arrives and tells Carlo to ‘get his head screwed on again.’ With Lou and Solomon listening in, Carlo tells Sam of his experience of being spiritually possessed by Lou Tasca. Sam identifies it as being possessed by a Dybbuk – an evil spirit of a dead person. However, Sam does not believe in these tales of his people from Russia. Lou protests that he is not a Dybbuk but an Ibbur, a friendly possessing spirit who enters a person for doing good. Rabbi Solomon supports Lou by spirit-possessing Carlo and speaking through him to warn that Tony Rizzo is on the way to kill him and Carlo and they have to turn themselves in the feds. Sam freaks out and confesses that he is the hitman that Tony sent to kill Carlo, if he doesn’t get his head screwed back on. He threatens to kill Carlo. Carlo say, Right, you kill me the way I killed Lou and Tony will kill you.

Carlo says he will go to Witness Protection, Sam comes to his senses and says he’ll join them.

TURNING POINT 3: At that point, for Lou and Solomon, it is ‘mission’ accomplished, as Carlo and Sam have quit the mob and are headed into Witness Protection. Lou proceeds to the World to come.

ACT 4: As Lou proceeds to the World to Come, he confesses that he’d love have another mission like this with Solomon.

Climax: Lou tells the audience to do good and rectify what’s wrong.

RESOLUTION: Lou has accomplished his mission and heads off to the World to Come.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE JOURNEY – ANTAGONIS.

“CRAZY TONY” RIZZO

BEGINNING: Tony is called crazy because he idolized mob rebel, “Crazy Joe” Gallo and dresses like him. As a Capo of a crew that includes Lou Tasca, Carlo Vizzini, and Sam Levinsky, he orders Carlo to ‘whack’ Lou on the grounds that Lou has spilled family secrets to other families. His real reason is that Tony owes Lou $200,000 in gambling debts and doesn’t want to pay him.

INCITING INCIDENT: At Carlo’s Birthday party, Carlo claims that he sees the ghost of Lou Tasca (he does), Tony sees Carlo as insane and therefore a mob liability who must be eliminated,

He already (rightly) suspects Carlo and Sam of dealing drugs, which is serious grounds for eliminating them both. But he is especially anxious when Carlo, apparently prompted by Lou, mentions $200,000.

TURNING POINT 1: Tony fears his real reason for eliminating Lou will be exposed. Tony calls his riend, Russian Mob Boss Oleg Oransky to get is ex-KGB henchman to check out if Carlo and

Sam are dealing drugs. Oleg says he will and he and Tony will have a ‘sit-down’ to discuss the results of their investigation.

ACT 2: Tony speaks on the phonoe to his Mistress, Zoey the Psychic Stripper, who tells him she will do a séance to expel Lou’s ghost from Carlo’s apartment. She also tells him that the $200,000 that he was so upset about will also be discovered. Tony hangs up afraid of exposure of the real reason he had Lou assassinated.

Turning Point 2: Tony’s wife Lisa suspects he had been talking to his mistress. Don’t simply says it’s business and proceeds in his plans to learn what Oleg’s henchmen have discovered.

ACT 3: Tony meets with Oleg who tells him that his former KGB henchmen have found Carlo and Sam free of any involvement with drugs. Tony insists to Oleg that his intuition tells him he is right and they are involved in drugs. Oleg, with whom Tony shares a lucrative racket of Gasoline Bootlegging, confesses his real reason for killing Lou Tasca (the $200,000 gambling debt) and that he needs money because he has a paraplegic child and another child who wants to go to college, Oleg asks if Don Primo Giordano has offered to help. To which Tony replies that he hasn’t. Oleg then plays a recording of Giordano dissing Tony. Tony asks from where and how did he get that tape? Oleg claims from his ex-KGB henchmen. Tony decides to start his own family but that he still has to whack Carlo and Sam, just the same. Oleg says he could bring some Russian mob snipers to do kill them, or poison them, but Tony insists he already has his plan, he just has to put it in motion.

Turning Point 3: Oleg says he could bring some Russian mob snipers to do kill them, or poison them, but Tony insists he already has his plan, he just has to put it in motion.

ACT 4: Tony arrives at Carlo’s apartment to kill Sam and finds Carlo still alive and Oleg is present who is revealed to Tony as an FBI informant who will join Witness Protection along with Carlo and Sam. The FBI officers arrive and arrest Tony, Carlo, Sam, Oleg, and Sherrie who has returned to Carlo because he will quit the mob and go into Witness Protection.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: All present try to persuade Tony to also enter witness protection until Lisa arrives. She admits she too was an FBI informant and encourages him to ‘turn rat’ and enter Witness Protection because it will be for his own good and that of Lisa and their children.

RESOLUTION: Tony joins Oleg, Sam, and Carlo in ‘turning rat’ by surrendering to the FBI and joining the Witness Protection Program.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’s SUPPORTING CHARACTERS

<ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″>My vision for success after this program: </ins>

<ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″>I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced. </ins>

<ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″>What I learned from doing this assignment is…?</ins>

That the discovery process below the surface of characters makes characters and story effective.

ASSIGNMENT

2. Tell us your supporting and background characters.

Supporting Characters

Carlo Vizzini

Sam Levinsky

Sherrie Falco

Lisa Rizzo

Oleg Oransky

Zoey Platt

Background Characters

Michelle Ippolito

Dave Moore

3. Focusing on thse supporting characters, fill in the basic profile for each.

Support 1:

Name: Carlo Vizzini

Role: Age 30. Although he is the killer of Lou and the object of Lou’s salvific

mission to get him into Witness Protection, the story is Lou’s story and his

mission to Carlo and so I classify Carlo as a support character.

Main purpose: He is the subject of Lou and Rabbi Solomon’s mission to get him

and Sam to quit the mob and join witness protection. . Carlo’s resistance to Lou adds tension to the story.

Value: Carlo’s being stuck between the life of the mob and life outside of it

mirrors Lou in his being stuck between the world on earth and the World

to Come which he would like to acquire – but it all depends on getting

Carlo unstuck from the La Cosa Nostra which is frustrating to Lou and

Moves the story along.

Support 2

Name: Sam Levinsky (called Shmley by his father, Rabbi Solomon Levinsky).

Role: Late 20’s. Carlo’s best friend and a mob associate. His father hopes that a

collateral good of Lou’s getting Carlo to leave the mob is that Sam will

join him in doing so..

Main purpose: He is a skeptic about Carlo’s seeing the ghost of Lou Tasca which

highlights Carlo’’s insistence that he had seen Lou. Sam becomes Tony

Rizzo’s hitman to kill Carlo, until Carlo warns him that Tony ordered Sam

to kill Carlo, just as Tony ordered Carlo to kill Lou Tasca, and because

Tony wants to rid his crew of both Carlo and Sam for drug dealing, that

means only one thing: Tony set Sam up to kill Carlo so that Tony himself

has only one wise to kill, i.e., Sam. This precipitates the climax of the

story in which Carlo and Sam are renewed in their brotherly friendship

and together they quit the mob and join Witness Protection.

Value: As a Rabbi’s son (Solomon), he leaves Judaism and joins the mob but

then returns to Judaism after he quit the mob “which made Rabbi Sol very

happy.” This makes Sam a valuable character who carries the thread of

the moral issues in the story.

Support 3

Name: Sherrie Falco.

Role: Late 20’s. Carlo’s fiancé.

Main purpose. She is a stripper and pole dancer at Tony Rizzo’s Playhouse

Gentlemen’s Club. She wants Carlo to quit the mob. For this reason, and although she doesn’t realize it, she is an asset for Lou Tasca to get Carlo to quit the mob.

Value: Sherrie also carries the moral thread of the story: In her role, she

demonstrates the destructive nature of mob life upon individuals and

relationships: At her wits’ end, she breaks her engagement with Carlo,

which becomes a further incentive for Carlo to quit the mob. She is an

asset to Lou. When Carlo quits the mob, Sherrie resumes the engagement

and stands by him as he quits the mob and surrenders to the FBI and enters

the Witness Protection Program.

Support 4

Name: Lisa Rizzo.

Role: Early 40’s. She is Tony Rizzo’s wife.

Main purpose: She also despises the mob life and wishes that Tony would leave

it. She becomes an FBI informant She has long suffered with Tony’s sex, alcohol, and gambling addictions and the lame cover-ups of the fact that he has a mistress – this makes lighter, comic moments in the story. She is also the mother of her’s and Tony’s (unnamed children) one of whom wants to go to college, the other is a paraplegic. In the end, she reveals to Tony that she is an FBI informant and she lays out every good reason to Tony that to “turn rat” and join Witness Protection is a good thing for Tony and his family. Because of Lisa’s reasoning, Tony goes along with Carlo and Sam, surrenders to the Feds and joins the Witness Protection Program.

Value: She also carries the moral thread of the destructive nature of mob life and

what it has done to twist the person of her husband. She also stands by Tony in his joining the Witness Protection Program.

Support 4

Name: Oleg Oransky.

Role: Late 50’s. Russian Mafia Boss, nicknamed “The Czar of Brighton Beach.”

Main purpose: He and Tony are partners in a lucrative gasoline bootlegging

racket and he has become a confidant and ‘father confessor’ to the

younger Tony. He also has his henchmen (former KGB) surveil Carlo and Sam to see if they really are dealing drugs on the side; twice they come up empty, but Tony isn’t convinced , and goes ahead with his plan to have them assassinated.

Value: To assist the FBI in their war against the Cosa Nostra, Oleg becomes an

informant and assists them in finding Carlo and Sam to warn them that

their lives are in danger which hastens the climax of the story in which all

the hoods (Carlo, Sam, Tony) surrender to Witness Protection.

He is also a fun character and an actor attractor: Russian accent, intimidating attitude, sophisticated, continental manners – quite the opposite of Tony Rizzo.

Support 5

Name: Zoey Platt

Role: Mid-30’s. She is known as Zoey the Psychic Stripper.

Main Purpose Zoey is Sherrie Falco’s friend and pole dance partner at Tony’s

Playhouse Gentlemen’s club where she does psychic readings among her

extra services in the VIP Room. She’s been a stripper in places as far-

flung as a funeral (yes!) in Taiwan to Pussycat Alley in Tel Aviv (her real

name is Chayah Plotkin). She learned about spirit mediumship in Egypt at

a Luxor-area village near the Valley of the Kings. Sherrie asks Zoey to do

a Séance that would expel Lou Tasca out of Carlo and Sherrie’s

apartment. Sherrie says that Zoey, is well-read and well-travelled. Carlo

calls her ‘a ditz.’ Rabbi Solomon and Lou see her as an interloper in their mission and scare her away from obstructing their mission to save Carlo through an act of spirit possession by Lou. Zoey not only quits her inteerferencee with the mission, but quits the strip club but not before telling the other girls about what happened at the Séance which is heard by some of Tony’s crew and starts making more problems for Tony that pushes him further to murder Carlo and Sam.

Value: She is an actor attractor: A ditz but smart. As a spirit medium she has to

control a heavy traffic jam of spirits at the séance she conducts. She has

lots of personality and is funny. . Speaks several languages, including

Colloquial Egyptian Arabic (transliterated and translated in the

script.). With her séance a failure and Zoey neutralized from interfering

with their mission to Carlo, Lou and Solomon now continue in earnest to

save him. Carlo is also transformed by having been spirit-possessed by

Lou Tasca.

BACKGROUND CHARACTERS

Backgroud 1

Name: Michelle Ippolito

Role: Lead FBI agent, a handler of FBI informant Oleg Oransky (see above,

Support 4). She’s smart, sharp, professional.

Main Purpose: To close out the story arresting Carlo, Sam, and Tony.

Value: An Actor-attractor. Small part for a good actor. Has fun dialogue with

Oleg.

Background 2

Name: Dave Moore.

Role: Partner of Michelle Ippolito. Second FBI agent, and handler with Ippolito

of FBI informant Oleg Oransky.

Main Purpose: Assists Michelle

Value: Voices skepticism about ‘this talk about ghosts.’ He’s an actor attractor with funny dialogue with Oleg.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’s CHARACTER PROFILES PART II

My vision for success after this program:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced. </ins>

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?</ins>

That what is under the surface makes characters more real and enriches the story and the creative process. As I wrote last assignment: I am increasingly confident that the screenplay of my play “Angels in Gangland” will not only be an adaptation, but better than the original stage play script.

2. WITH EACH OF YOUR LEAD CHARACTERS FIRST TELL US THE FOLLOWING:

a. The High Concept.

b. The Character’s Journey.

c. The Actor Attractors for this character.

3. BRAINSTORM THESE PROFILE COMPONENTS FOR EACH CHARACTER:

7. Character Subtext.

8. Character Intrigue.

9. Flaw.

10. Values.

11. Character Dilemma.

ASSIGNMENT .#2 and #3 above.

LEAD CHARACTER: LOU TASCA (PROTAGONIST).

a. The High Concept.

Lou is a slain gangster who cannot move on to the world to come except if he rectifies his wrongs with an extreme right and good, namely, returning to gangland and persuading his killer (Carlo) to quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness Protection Program.

b. The Character’s Journey.

Lou has initial misgivings about returning to gangland to convince his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob (he’d rather take revenge) but after a dangerous situation he partly caused that threatens Carlo by his crew’s boss (Tony Rizzo) he earnestly mounts his task to persuade him to quit the mob and genuinely cares about his well-being, following the guidance of his Spirit Guide, Rabbi Solomon Levinsky..

c. The Actor Attractors for this character.

1. Role in the story.

Lou is the lead character

2. Age range and description.

Lou is in his late-50’s. He has a casual tough gangster manner although he is well dressed and groomed. His gangster tough talk and manner are worse than his bite.

3. Core traits.

Bewildered by his afterlife situation and his mission re: Carlo (his killer).

Personable.

Capable of growth.

4. Motivation: wants/need.

To talk Carlo into quitting the mob which is Lou’s ticket to the World to Come.

5. Wound

That he was murdered by a friend (Carlo) on orders from their boss (Tony Rizzo) and

initially wants revenge, gangland-style..

Lou once loved a woman who rejected him because he would not leave ‘the life’ of the Cosa Nostra.

Was once passed over for the promotion to Underboss. But coped with this by

counting it as a blessing in disaquise considering the frequent turnover of Underbosses due to gang violence.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy.

Likability:

Lou’s bewilderment in the afterlife makes him likeable. Who wouldn’t be

bewildered?

The incongruence of a gangster teamed with a Rabbi is funny and so is their interaction throughout the story. They are an ‘odd couple.’

Relatability:

Considering it’s the disposition of his own soul for good or ill, who hasn’t raised that question about themselves?

, Empathy:

He lost the love of his life (Marybeth) because he didn’t leave the mob. .

His predicament in the story is that he is stuck and can’t get out and into the World to Come unless Carlo turns himself over to the Feds.

PART II BRAINSTORM 7-11.

7. Character Subtext.

Lou Tasca hates that he was shot by a fellow wiseguy (Carlo Vizzini) on orders from their boss (Tony Rizzo) because he didn’t want to pay back the $200,000 he owed Lou in gambling debts.

He is further resentful of the fact that because of his life of crime he cannot go to the World to Come.

Lou has to fight his urge to seek revenge on Carlo whom he must persuade to quit the mob – if he can do that, he redeems himself and can enter the World to come.

Lou also resents this mission to save Carlo for another reason:

Lou feels hopeless because he believes it is next to impossible to persuade a another wiseguy (Carlo) to quit the mob and ‘turn rat’ as all wiseguys are all riveted to the oath they took of Omerta (silence).

He is overwhelmed by the demand of Solomon to spirit-possess Carlo and he is

impatient with the Rabbi’s ‘how-to.’

8. Character Intrigue.

Lou Tasca is almost 60. How did he last so long in the Mafia?

He was denied admission to the World to Come because of his life of crime. What was that criminal life?

Lou had been a truck-hijacker and a loan shark.

Yet, he was a volunteer at St. Anthony’s Church.

He did do some good: He donated Turkeys to a Homeless Shelter for Thanksgiving and helped a neighbor with the rent, but Rabbi Solomon reminds Lou: that he stole the turkeys from a truck he had hijacked and he made the Landlord “an offer he couldn’t refuse.”

9. Flaw.

He was so stuck on the mob lifestyle that he lost the love of his life and eventually lost his life.

He feels hopeless but Rabbi Solomon tries to teach him away from hopelessness by hope and faith.

He transcends his hopelessness:

He says to Carlo: I was stuck in ‘the life’ like you. It cost me the love of my life.

and my life.

Carlo: I said I was sorry. I was ordered by Tony to –

Lou: I understand. But now Tony’s gunning for you because of your drug

dealing and he thinks you’re crazy because you talk about how you are

haunted by me. Be smart. Do what I should have done, quit the mob. Flip and the Feds will protect you in the Witness Protection Program. Believe me. Do that, and you won’t lose Sherrie the way I lost Marybeth.

10. Values.

Loyalty to the mob and Don Primo Giordano were his first loyalities during his

Life, NOW, in this new life after life, his loyalty becomes fixed on Rabbi

Solomon, his guidance, his teaching, to such an extent that when he successfully

get’s Carlo (and Sam, and even Tony) to get into witness protection, he’d like to

team up again with Solomon and do the same thing for some other wiseguy.

11. Character Dilemma.

He wants to get into the World to Come but is still stuck on gangster culture and the criminality that prevents him from getting into the World to Come.

It would take a major transformation to transcend his dilemma, so, he has Rabbi Solomon Levinsky to guide him though his transformation and transition away from crime and into being a ‘good mensch’ in doing good for others, especially Carlo.

LEAD CHARACTER: RABBI SOLOMON LEVINSKY (PROTAGONIST).

a. The High Concept.

Lou Tasca is a slain gangster who cannot move on to the world to come except if he rectifies his wrongs with an extreme right and good, namely, returning to gangland and persuading his killer (Carlo) to quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness Protection Program.

b. The Character’s Journey.

Rabbi Solomon Levinsky is annoyed but patient with Lou’s gangster manner and

failure to comprehend the profound mission they must accomplish. However,

throughout the story he and Lou grow in their partnership and achieve their goal of

talking Carlo.into quiting the mob and turning state’s evidence and joining the

Witness Protection Program and taking his friend Sam (the Rabbi’s son) along with

him.

c. The Actor Attractors for this character.

1. Role in the story.

Solomon is the spirit guide for Lou in the hereafter and his ‘coach’ who guides Lou in accomplishing the mission of his talking Carlon and the Rabbi’s son (Sam) into quiting the mob.

2. Age range and description.

Solomon is in his late 60’s-early 70’s. In contrast to Lou he is well-dressed and more formal and firm of manner, as befits a Rabbi. He is a devout Jew and wears a traditional Kippah (skullcap).

3. Core traits.

Patient with Lou and determined to accomplish the mission.

Professional and rabbinical but approachable.

4. Motivation: wants/need.

He wants Lou to talk Carlo into quiting the mob which will get Lou into the world to come

Solomon also wants the collateral good of getting Carlo’s friend and Solomon’s son, Sam, to join Carlo and quit the mob. i.

5. Wound

That when he found out his son had become a gangster, he disinherited him, sat

Shivah and went to his grave having never talked with his son again. And wants very much to talk with him again – he does.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy.

Likability:

He is admirable.

He is a commanding presence that earns respect.

He is a kind and good man who believes in healing a broken world.

He is versed in rabbinical learning and Kabballah (Jewish mysticism) and knows how to apply them in this story, without being ‘preachy’

He is an inspiration.

His rabbinical manner contrasts with the gangster behavior and speech of Lou, whom he guides (not an easy task). They are an ‘odd couple.’

Relatability:

In spite of his principled raising of his son in Judaism, he is heartbroken when he sees his son (Sam) abandon his religion and become an associate of the Giordano crime family.

He reaches out from the Afterlife because he wants to save his son from a life of crime, even to the point of not just asking, but demanding God’s help..

, Empathy:

Heartbroken for his son already, he is horrified when he sees his son (Sam) in the act of committing a crime when he corners Carlo in order to kill him on orders from their boss, Tony Rizzo, who also had ordered “Carlo to murder Lou Tasca..

He rejoices in the end with his and Lou’s success in getting Carlo and Sam to quit the mob.

BRAINSTORM THESE PROFILE COMPONANTS FOR EACH CHARACTEER:

7. Character Subtext.

Is annoyed but patient with Lou with his dismal outlook on everything and his continuing gangster manner. But still patiently guides Lou into a spirituality in which he empathizes with Carlo and others and loses his desire for revenge and becomes a worthy “mensch.” .

8. Character Intrigue.

Solomon came from a devout Jewish family which still produced a gangster, namely, Solomon’s Uncle Max who was in the gang led by Mayer Lansky that protected Jewish community from American Nazis, cracked Nazi akulla at their rally at Madison Square Garden in ‘39 and later joined Longie Zwillman smuggling arms to the Haganah to protect Jews in Palestine from Arab and British abuses.

Although Solomon demanded that the aging gangster Uncle Max stay away from son (Sam),, Sam still comes to regard Max as a hero which sparks Sam’s interest in gangster life.

9. Flaw.

Too strict for his own and Sam’s good.

10. Values.

His Jewish faith and it’s Kabbalah (mysticism).

11. Character Dilemma.

He is not supposed to share Kabbalah with someone like Lou, but he does, even to the extent that he teaches him to spirit-possess Carlo.

LEAD CHARACTER: TONY RIZZO (ANTAGONIST).

a. The High Concept.

Lou Tasca is a slain gangster who cannot move on to the world to come except if he rectifies his wrongs with an extreme right and good, namely, returning to gangland and persuading his killer (Carlo) to quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness protectioin Program.

b. The Character’s Journey.

Tony Rizzo is the mob boss who ordered Carlo Vizzini to murder Lou Tasca. He is a leader in the Giordano Crime Family, i.e., a Capo or Captain of a crew of soldiers which included Lou, Carlo and Sam (Solomon’s son). Tony (rightly) suspects Carlo and Sam of dealing drugs – punishable by death in La Cosa Nostra with the responsibility to execute falling upon Tony. He also believes Carlo is hallucinating when he goes into a paroxysms over his claim to have seen the ghost of Lou Tasca – also requiring execution because an insane gangster may reveal mob secrets. Tony had ordered Lou’s assassination ostensibly because Lou had been spilling Giordano family secrets to members of other crime families (no true), however, the real reason is that Tony owed Lou $200,000 in gambling debts which he did not want to pay. If he has Carlo and Sam killed that would end Carlo and Rabbi Solomon’s mission in failure to save Carlo and Sam. So the race is on against the antagonism of Tony Rizzo. However, in the end, under arrest and facing a long stretch in prison, Tony also flips and joins Carlo and Sam in quitting the mob and joining the Witness Protection Program, realizing it will also benefit his family.

c. The Actor Attractors for this character.

1. Role in the story.

Tony is the antagonist who plots to kill Carlo and Sam which would have the effect of nullifying Solomon and Lou’s mission of talking Carlo and Sam into quitting the mob.

2. Age range and description.

Tony is mid-40’s. He is casually dressed and dangerous – a killer. His gangster tough talk and manner is just as bad as his bite.

3. Core traits.

Fear and suspicion..

Taste for violence..

Admires the rebel-mobster “Crazy Joe” Gallo, he even “dresses like Gallo, flamboyant gangster noir, i.e., black shirt, white tie, black jacket and hat..

4. Motivation: wants/need.

To hide his real reason for ordering Carlo to kill Lou, i.e;, because he didn’t want to pay the gambling debt he owed Lou of $200,000.

To get rid of Carlo and Sam for dealing drugs and killing Carlo also because Tony believes Carlo exhibits insanity in his claims to be haunted by the ghost of Lou Tasca and a “nut like that could draw heat from the cops. Or could rat to the cops, if arrested.

5. Wound

He was not promoted to Underboss in the Giordano family, which he had expected as a reward for his loyaty. Underboss is the Number two man in the family after Don Primo Giordano.

He has alcohol and gambling addictions.

He has a son who is paraplegic.

Has a bad relationship with his wife.

He has a clumsily furtive sexual relationship with one of his strippers at his front business, “Tony’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club.”

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy.

Likability:

He keeps a mistress on the side which his wife suspects and they have arguments over it, even though it is obvious to his wife, he attempts clumsy ways of trying to deny it to her.

Relatability:

He cares about his paraplegic son and does not want the Mafia life for any of his children.

Empathy:

His having a paraplegic son evokes sympathy/empathy.

Tony has been a loyal, good earner to his boss, Don Primo, chief of the Giordano crime family, and yet his boss not only does not promote him to Underboss, but Tony learns that Don Primo regards Tony as a trigger-happy high risk. Tony copes with this treatment by Don Primo by planning to start his own family, which is hard to do with the ever diminishing members in his small crew, i.e., already, Lou Tasca, and as he plans, Carlo and Sam..

3. BRAINSTORM THESE PROFILE COMPONANTS FOR EACH CHARACTEER:

7. Character Subtext.

Tony is adrenaline-driven by Suspicion and fear.

Tony is fearful of being discovered, by his crew for he real reason he ordered the assassination of Lou Tasca. Fearful for himself, as he suspects Carlo and Sam of drug dealing that would draw heat from the Police, as will Carlo whom he suspects of insanity with his talking openly about having seen the ghost of Lou Tasca.

Tony also fears that his wife will find out that he keeps a mistress (one of the strippers at his Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club.

8. Character Intrigue.

He’s a killer. Will he kill Carlo and Sam before Lou can talk them into entering Witness Protection?

He has a lucrative partnership in gasoline bootlegging with Russian mobster Oleg Oransky (“The Czar of Brighton Beach”).

9. Flaw.

His vices are sex, alcohol, and gambling addictions. Craves money and power.

10. Values.

Loyalty to his crime family and his personal family.

11. Character Dilemma.

He is disillusioned about loyalty to his boss, Don Primo Giordano, when he loses the loyalty of his boss he renounces his own loyalty, turns traitor, and conspires to form his own Cosa Nostra Family and demand the loyalty of his family members.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Typos

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’s CHARACTER PROFILES PART I

<ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″>My vision for success after this program: </ins><ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″></ins>

<ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″>I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced. </ins>

<ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″>What I learned from doing this assignment is…?</ins>

That profiles are essential to character development, From what I have learned, I am increasingly confident that the screenplay of my play “Angels in Gangland” will not only be an adaptation, but better than the original stage play script.

2. WITH EACH OF YOUR LEAD CHARACTERS FIRST TELL US THE FOLLOWING:

a. The High Concept.

b. The Character’s Journey.

c. The Actor Attractors for this character.

3. BRAINSTORM THE FIRST 6 PARTS OF THE PROFILE OF YOUR LEAD CHARACTERS:

1. Role in the story.

2. Age range and description.

3. Core traits.

4. Motivation: wants/need.

5. Wound

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy.

ASSIGNMENT .#2 and #3 above.

LEAD CHARACTER: LOU TASCA (PROTAGONIST).

a. The High Concept.

Lou is a slain gangster who cannot move on to the world to come except if he rectifies his wrongs with an extreme right and good, namely, returning to gangland and persuading his killer (Carlo) to quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness protectioin Program.

b. The Character’s Journey.

Lou has initial misgivings about returning to gangland to convince his hiiller to quit the mob (he’d rather take revenge) but after a dangerous situation he partly caused that threatens his killer by his crew’s boss (Tony Rizzo) he earnestly mounts his task to persuade him to quit the mob and genuinely cares about his well-being.

c. The Actor Attractors for this character.

1. Role in the story.

Lou is the lead character

2. Age range and description.

Lou is in his late-50’s, casual gangster manner although he is well dressed and groomed. His gangster tough talk and manner are worse than his bite.

3. Core traits.

Bewildered by his afterlife situation and his mission re: Carlo (his killer).

Personable.

Capable of growth.

4. Motivation: wants/need.

To talk Carlo into quiting the mob which is his ticket to the world to come.

5. Wound

That he was murdered by a friend (Carlo) on orders from their boss (Tony Rizzo) and

initially wants revenge, gangland-style..

Once loved a woman who rejected him because he would not leave ‘the life’ of the Cosa Nostra.

Was once passed over for the promotion to Underboss. But coped with this by

counting it as a blessing in disaquise considering the frequent vacancies in the post by gang violence.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy.

Likability:

Lou’s bewilderment in the afterlife makes him likeable. Who wouldn’t be

bewildered?

His gangster speech and manner contrasted with the wise and well-mannered Rabbi Solomon Levinsky, his spirit guide, is funny. They are an ‘odd couple.’

Relatability:

Considering it’s the disposition of his own soul for good or ill, who hasn’t raised that question about themselves?

, Empathy:

His lost love because of his mob life is sympathetic.

His predicament in the story is that he is stuck and can’t get out unless Carlo turns himself over to the Feds.

LEAD CHARACTER: RABBI SOLOMON LEVINSKY (PROTAGONIST).

a. The High Concept.

Lou Tasca is a slain gangster who cannot move on to the world to come except if he rectifies his wrongs with an extreme right and good, namely, returning to gangland and persuading his killer (Carlo) to quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness Protection Program.

b. The Character’s Journey.

Rabbi Solomon Levinsky is annoyed but patient with Lou’s gangster manner and

failure to comprehend the profound mission they must accomplish. However,

throughout the story he and Lou grow in their partnership and achieve their goal of

talking Carlo.into quiting the mob and turning state’s evidence and joining the

Witness Protection Program and taking his friend Sam (the Rabbi’s son) along with

him.

c. The Actor Attractors for this character.

1. Role in the story.

Solomon is the spirit guide for Lou in the hereafter and his ‘coach’ who guides Lou in accomplishing the mission of his talking Carlo into quiting the mob.

2. Age range and description.

Solomon is in his late 60’s-early 70’s. In contrast to Lou he is well-dressed and more formal and firm of ma manner, as befits a Rabbi. He is a devout Jew and wears a traditional Kippah (skullcap).

3. Core traits.

Patient with Lou and determined to accomplish the mission.

Professional and rabbinical but approachable.

4. Motivation: wants/need.

He wants Lou to talk Carlo into quiting the mob which will get Lou into the world to come

Solomon also wants the collateral good of getting Carlo’s friend and Solomon’s son, Sam, to join Carlo and quit the mob. i.

5. Wound

That when he found out his son had become a gangser, he disinherited him, sat

Shivah and went to his grave having never talked with his son again. And wants very much to talk with him again – he does.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy.

Likability:

He is admirable.

He is a kind and good man who believes in healing a broken world.

He is versed in rabbinical learning and Kabballah (Jewish mysticism) and knows how to apply them in this story, without being ‘preachy’

He is an inspiration.

His rabbinical manner contrasts with the gangster behavior and speech of Lou, whom he guides (not an easy task). They are an ‘odd couple.’

Relatability:

In spite of his principled raising of his son in Judaism, he is heartbroken when he sees his son (Sam) abandon his religion and become an associate of the Giordano crime family.

He reaches out from the Afterlife because he wants to save his son from a life of crime, even to the point of not just asking, but demanding God’s help..

, Empathy:

Heartbroken for his son already, he is horrified when he sees his son (Sam) in the act of committing a crime when he corners Carlo in order to kill him on orders from their boss, Tony Rizzo, who also had ordered Carlo to murder Lou Tasca..

He rejoices in the end with his and Lou’s success in getting Carlo and Sam to quit the mob.

LEAD CHARACTER: TONY RIZZO (ANTAGONIST).

a. The High Concept.

Lou Tasca is a slain gangster who cannot move on to the world to come except if he rectifies his wrongs with an extreme right and good, namely, returning to gangland and persuading his killer (Carlo) to quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness protectioin Program.

b. The Character’s Journey.

Tony Rizzo is the mob boss who ordered Carlo Vizzini to murder Lou Tasca. He is a leader in the Giordano Crime Family, i.e., a Capo or Captain of a crew of soldiers which included Lou, Carlo and Sam (Solomon’s son). Tony (rightly) suspects Carlo and Sam of dealing drugs – punishable by death in La Cosa Nostra with the responsibility to execute falling upon Tony. He also believes Carlo is hallucinating when he goes into a paroxysms over his claim to have seen the ghost of Lou Tasca – also requiring execution because an insane gangster may reveal mob secrets. Tony had ordered Lou’s assassination ostensibly because Lou had been spilling Giordano family secrets to members of other crime families (no true), however, the real reason is that Tony owed Lou $200,000 in gambling debts which he did not want to pay. If he has Carlo and Sam killed that would end Carlo and Rabbi Solomon’s mission in failure to save Carlo and Sam. So the race is on against the antagonism of Tony Rizzo. However, in the end, under arrest and facing a long stretch in prison, Tony also flips and joins Carlo and Sam in quitting the mob and joining the Witness Protection Program, realizing it will also benefit his family.

c. The Actor Attractors for this character.

1. Role in the story.

Tony is the antagonist who plots to kill Carlo and Sam which would have the effect of nullifying Solomon and Lou’s mission of talking Carlo and Sam into quitting the mob.

2. Age range and description.

Tony is mid-40’s. He is casually dressed and dangerous – a killer. His gangster tough talk and manner is just as bad as his bite.

3. Core traits.

Fear and suspicion..

Taste for violence..

4. Motivation: wants/need.

To hide his real reason for ordering Carlo to kill Lou, i.e;, because he didn’t want to pay the gambling debt he owed Lou of $200,000.

To get rid of Carlo and Sam for dealing drugs and killing Carlo also because he exhibits insanity in his claims to be haunted by the ghost of Lou Tasca.

5. Wound

He was not promoted to Underboss in the Giordano family, which he had expected as a reward for his loylty. Underboss is the Number two man in the family after Don Primo Giordano.

He has alcohol and gambling addictions.

He has a son who is paraplegic.

Has a bad relationship with his wife.

He has a clumsily furtive sexual relationship with one of his strippers at his front business, “Tony’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club.”

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy.

Likability:

He keeps a mistress on the side which his wife suspects and they have arguments over it, even though it is obvious to his wife and he has a clumsy way of trying to explain it away.

Relatability:

He cares about his paraplegic son and does not want the Mafia life for any of his children.

Empathy:

His having a paraplegic son evokes sympathy/empathy.

Tony has been a loyal, good earner to his boss, Don Primo, chief of the Giordano crime family, and yet his boss not only does not promote him to Underboss, but Tony learns that Don Primo regards Tony as a trigger-happy high risk. Tony copes with this treatment by Don Primo by planning to start his own family, which is hard to do with his ever diminishing members in his crew, i.e., already, Lou Tasca, and as he plans, Carlo and Sam..

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’s LIKABILITY RELATABILITY EMPATHY

<ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″>My vision for success after this program: </ins><ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″></ins>

<ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″>I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced. </ins>

<ins cite=”mailto:Robert%20Smith” datetime=”2022-06-25T15:53″>What I learned from doing this assignment is…?</ins>

To always seek ways to make characteers more real through likability, relatability, and empathy, and also to have fun doing it.

Brainstorm one or more ways you can present our Protagonist through each of these: Likability, Relatability, and Empathy.

PROTAGONIST: Lou Tasca: Slain mobster who cannot get into the world to come because of his life of crime, unless, he redeems himself by getting his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to quit Cosa Nostra and turn states evidence and go into the Witness Protection Program.

Likability: Just his predicament and reaction to it make him likable and relatable because most people wonder what their fiinal disposition will be, for good or evil.

All his coarse gangsterisms and attitudes are clumsy and funny in contrast to the principled, educated, and articulate Rabbi Solomon, his spirit guide.

Relatability: He once loved a woman who broke up with him because he wouldn’t quit the mob. This parallels Sherrie Falco who wants her future husband Carlo Vizzini (Lou’s killer) to quit the mob, which fuels Lou’s efforts to get Carlo to quit the mob.

He was once passed over for promotion to Underboss, but coped with the loss by telling himself, it’s a blessing in disquise considering that the office is frequently vacated because the Underboss is an easy target for hitmen.

Empathy: He is stuck in a world between two worlds until Carlo leaves the mob and joins witness protection. Who hasn’t felt stuck at some time?

Brainstorm the Antagonist: Tony Rizzo (the boss who ordered Carlo to kill Lou, ostensibly because he was spilling family secrets to other families. The real reason is that he owed Lou $200,000 in gambling debts that he didn’t want to pay him.

Likeability: He is unconvincing in telling his wife (Lisa) that he doesn’t have a mistress.

Relatability: He is sore after being passed over for Underboss by “that stupid old gray-assed grease ball Don Primo Giordano.”.

Empathy He has an alcohol and gambling addiction, plus, a son who is a paraplegic. His wife is always “breaking his balls.”

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S SUBTEXT CHARACTERS

My vision for success after this program:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

Have fun with exploring character intrigue.

The character with the most intrigue in “Angels in Gangland” is

CHARACTER NAME: Tony Rizzo.

ROLE: Tony Rizzo is a Caporegime (Captain) in the Giordano Crime Family. Captain of a crew of soldiers, which includes Lou Tasca, Carlo Vizzini (Lou’s killer), and Sam Levinsky (Rabbi Solomon’s gangster son). It is Tony who ordered Carlo to kill Lou Tasca.

HIDDEN AGENDA: He plans to kill Carlo and Sam for dealing drugs and Carlo also for what Tony thinks is insanity in Carlo’s claiming that he sees the ghost of Lou Tasca.

COMPETITION: Lou Tasca whom he kills and Don Primo Giordano who passed over Tony to become Underboss (the Don’s lieutenant), and later, he finds out, Don Primo may be ready to whack him. He takes this as a cue to start his own family, once he disposes of Carlo and Sam for their drug-dealing offenses.

CONSPIRACIES: (1) to kill Lou Tasca. (2) to kill Carlo and Sam. (3) Break away from Don Primo Giordano and start his own family.

SECRETS: He conceals his reason to have Lou killed. He claims it was because Lou is telling Giordano family secrets to members of other families, but actually, he owes Lou $200,000 in gambling debts and he didn’t want to pay him. He shares his plan to whack Carlo and Sam only with Oleg, the Russian mob boss with whom he shares a gasoline bootlegging scam. He does not want his children to enter mob life as their occupation.

DECEPTION: Tony lied to Carlo when he ordered him to whack Lou Tasca. He told him he had to kill him because Lou was spilling Giordano crime family secrets with other families. He also promised Carlo that if he did it, he’d count it as ‘making his bones’ that qualified him to become a ‘made man.’ He lies to his wife about having a gumar (a mistress).

SECRET IDENTITY: As a legit businessman, i.e., He is owner and manager of a ‘front’ business, a strip joint called, “Tony’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club.”

UNSPOKEN WOUND: he was passed over by Don Giordano and was not advanced in the family hierarchy to Underboss. He feels helpless and gambles because he has one son who is paraplegic, another wants to go to college.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S SUBTEXT CHARACTERS

My vision for success after this program:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

The process of discovering subtext in characters energizes character development.

2. With YOUR Example movie, give us the following answers for the characters with the most subtext:

THE CHARACTERS WITH THE MOST SUBTEXT in “Angels in Gangland.”

Character with the most substext 1

MOVIE TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

CHARACTEER NAME: Lou Tasca. (Protagonist)

SUBTEXT IDENTITY: A just-slain gangster who is denied entrance to the World to Come because of his life of crime and to redeem himself must convince his wiseguy killer to quit the mob, flip, and join Witness Protection Program – just what he should have done. He must learn to override his desire to have revenge on of his killer (Carlo Vizzini) and his boss (Tony Rizzo) who ordered Carlo to whack him on false pretenses.

TRAIT: Tough guy.

SUBTEXT LOGLINE: Lou painfully learns to break free of gangster mindset and become an agent of good.

POSSIBLE AREAS OF SUBTEXT: He must learn spirit possession (reluctantly) from the

mystic Rabbi Solomon. He is in conflict with the interloping into spiritual matters by a spirit

medium (Zoey the Psychic Stripper) He also grieves that had he quit the mob he would have

kept the love of his life (Marybeth DiBenidetto) and life itself which parallels the fact that Carlo

Vizzini’s fiancé (Sherrie Falco) wants Carlo to quit the mob just as Marybeh wanted Lou to quit

the mob – this fuels Lou’s mission to get Carlo to quit the mob and join the Witness Protection

Program

Character with the most subtext 2

MOVIE TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

CHARACTEER NAME: Rabbi Solomon Levinsky.

SUBTEXT IDENTITY: Rabbi / Spirit Guide to Lou Tasca. Coaches him to rectify his life of Crime by getting his wiseguy killer (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob and enter the Witness Protectio Program – thereby getting himself his portion in the World to Come.. He also wants the collateral good of his gangster son (Sam Levinsky) to repent and follow his friend Carlo in doing the same.

TRAIT: Solomon is a man of faith who has the task of coaching Lou a Mafia wiseguy.

SUBTEXT LOGLINE: A wise, understand Rabbi / Spirit Guide who wants Lou to succeed in getting Carlo to leave the mob because it might lead his sono to also leave the mob.

POSSIBLE AREAS OF SUBTEXT: Friction with Lou on how to conduct his mission. Holds his own against Zoey the Psychic Stripper who conducts a Séance that interferes with the Soul and life-saving mission he is undertaking with Lou to save Carlo and Sam. He doesn’t like Tony Rizzo who ordered Lou’s killing because of gambling debt. He likes Russian gangster Oleg Oransky who turns out to be an FBI informant.

Character 3

MOVIE TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

CHARACTEER NAME: Tony Rizzo (Antagonist.).

SUBTEXT IDENTITY: Tony is a caporegime (Captain) of the Giordano crime family, whose crew includes Lou, Carlo, and Sam. After he was passed over for promotion to Underboss (Don Primo Giorgano’s second-in-command) Tony orders Carlo to kill Lou because he was divulging family secrets to members of other families (a lie..). The real reason is, Tony owed Lou $200,000 in gambling debts that he didn’t want to pay. Tony’s gumar (mistress) is Zoey the Psychic Stripper. His wife (Lisa) suspects it and Tony doesn’t know it, but Lisa is an FBI informant. Tony runs a gasoline bootlegging business with Russian mobser Oleg Oransky, also an FBI informant who plays a wiretap recording to Tony of Don Primo Giordano, calling him “not only a lush and a lousy gambler but Tony Rizzo is a scumbag who, without my authorization killed his own soldier, good ol’ Lou Tasca, a made guy. It’s a good thing I didn’t make him Underboss.” Tony takes this as a cue to start his own family. But going ahead with his plan to kill Carlo and Sam: Carlo for his insanity (hallucinations of the ghost of Lou Tasca) and both Carlo and Sam for drug-dealing.

TRAIT: Suspicious, controlling..

SUBTEXT LOGLINE: Tony Rizzo is a caporegime of a crew (that includes Lou, Carlo, and Sam) who after he was passed over for promotion to Underboss (second-in-command to Don Primo Giordano) ordered Carlo to kill Lou in order to cancel a gambling debt of $200,000, but he lies and tells Carlo that the drastic assassination of a fellowcrew member is because Lou shared family secrets with members of other families. .

POSSIBLE AREAS OF SUBTEXT: Tony trying to start his own crime family like Crazy Joe Gallo who went rogue against Joe Colombo and was whacked at Umberto’s Clam House. Can Tony succeed in killing Carlo after Sam? Will Lou successfully persuade Carlo and Sam to quit the mob before Tony can kill them? Tony dealing with his wife’s anger at his infidelities.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S ACTOR ATTRACTORS

My vision for success after this program:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

How fun it is to map a way through the script to make characters attract actors.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR #1

MOVIE TITLE: “Angels in Gangland”

LEAD CHARACTER NAME: LOU TASCA (PROTAGONIST)

1. What makes this character the most interesting character in the movie?

He is an aging mob soldier who was passed over for promotion to caporegime and Underboss of the Giordano family. We see this gangster killed but he can’t get on the train to the World to Come unless he follows the directions of his spirit guide, whom he knew in life (Rabbi SOLOMON LEVINSKY) who gives him a mission that will redeem him: He must return to New York’s gangland and convince his slayer (CARLO VIZZINI) to do what he should have done, namely, quit the mob and join the Witness Protection Program. IOW, be a rat, and do good.

2. What makes this character the most-interesting character in the movie?

We see a brief glimpse of his gangster life until it is ended by gunshot by Carlo,

who immediately regrets his action. Then he is a spirit between two worlds, who

then returns to earth and awkwardly haunts his killer with a proposition: I’ll leave

you if you quit the mob and turn state’s evidence in the Witness Protection

Program.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

He crashes Carlo’s 30^th Birthday Party and first tells him to quit the mob, but Carlo’s fearful reaction only brings him into danger that he is insane and his own boss TONY RIZZO may have to kill him because his craziness may draw heat from the cops. He also spirit possesses Carlo, like a dybbuk but to be benign in order to open the way to make Carlo’s choice to quit the mob more easy.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

He is introduced leaving a mob-owned (i.e., TONY RIZZO, owner) strip club

with Carlo who in an alley shoots him, he immediately appears in a dark place

between two world and announces, “My name is Lou Tasca. I was a gangster,

now, I’m dead. This is my story, the movie unfolds..

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

From sorrow, to sarcasm, to desperation, to being a caring person.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

He is stuck in gangster-think even when being tossed gems of wisdom from his Rabbi-spirit guide.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With his Rabbi-spirit guide who not only guides him in trying to convince Carlo to quit the mob but wants the collateral good of getting his son Sam (Carlo’s friend and fellow wiseguy to also quit the mob. Also, Lou’s relationship with Carlo whom he is trying to get to quit the mob.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

He is determined to get Carlo to quit the mob and starts to appreciate the good.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

Being a spirit of a criminal he has a transformational journey from criminality to beneficent actor through the guidance of Rabbi Solomon.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR #2

MOVIE TITLE: “Angels in Gangland”

LEAD CHARACTER NAME: RABBI SOLOMON LEVINSKY (PROTAGONIST)

1. What makes this character the most interesting character in the movie?

He is the spirit guide of a slain gangster (Lou Tasca) who fascilitates his mission to persuade his slayer (Carlo Vizzini) to leave the mob and enter the Witness Protection Program. Solomon also seeks a collateral good, that if Lou could persuade Carlo to quit the mob, perhaps Solomon’s son and Carlo’s friend fellow weiseguy SAM LEVINSKY to do the same. In other words, he is a sage and a mystic, teamed-up with a Cosa Nostra made man. .

2. What makes this character the most-interesting character in the movie?

He is a Rabbi, sage, and mystic teamed up with a Cosa Nostra made man. .

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

He is the first to meet newly-dead Lou Tasca to explain the world between two world in which he is stuck and how he must rectify his life of crime by getting Carlo to quit the mob, and thus gain his entrance into the World to Come. He teaches Lou also the special art of spirit possession in which he can be a benign help to him. He keeps having to correct Lou’s gangster impulses and nurture the malefactor to become a noble mensch and rescue his son from a life of crime as well.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

He is shown in life caring for a dying mob associate and extolling his own Uncle

Max who was in the mob of Meyer Lansky who we see cracking Nazi skulls at

the Nazi Rally at Madison Square Garden (1939) and running guns to the

Haganah in Israel’s War of Independence (1n 1948) – these stories which

Solomon told to Sam, as tales of how a Jewish gangsters protected the Jewish

people but it has the reverse effect of inspiring Sam to join his friend Carlo in

becoming an associate of the Giordano crime family.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

In contrast to Lou’s mobster coarseness, Solomon is rabbinically gentle but firm. His emotions range from sorrow to prayerful to desperate.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

Exasperation with the spirit of slain mobster Lou Tasca.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With his charge, the spirit of slain mobster Lou Tasca. He is invisible to all other character but he does spy upon them.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

He is determined to make Lou a noble mensch – as hard as it is to do so.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

He is spiritual yet not aloof. An earthy rabbi even as a spirit. He is a Rabbi but also worked as an accountant in the crime-ridden New York Garment District and had an Uncle Max who was in the mob with Jewish gangster Meyer Lansky.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’s ACTOR ATTRACTORS (for “Analyze This.”)

My vision for success after this program:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

That a writer must intentionally include elements in the script that would adhere to the principals of the 9 things that would cause actors to say yes to the script and playing a certain character.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR

MOVIE EXAMPLE: “Analyze This.” GENRE: Gangster Comedy.

LEAD CHARACTER: PAUL VITI, gangster.

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

De Niro got the part. Essentially he played Jimmy Conway of “Goodfellas” meets a shrink with an opportunity to mix gangster clichés and shrink clichés to hilarious effect. He is a funny bad guy.

2. What makes this character the most interesting character in the movie?

He’s a parody of Tony Soprano who needs a psychiatrist for panic attacks but his issues go much deeper, namely is repressed guilt that he couldn’t save his father when he was assassinated in full view of him and the rest of his family having dinner in a restaurant. While seeing the shrink, his personality softens, e.g., he is about to club a rival gang member for information, but decides to let him go much to the dismay of his assistants who believe he is going weak. Instead of being ruthlessly deadly, he is out-of-character empathetic.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

He is about to shoot the shrink because he wore a wire for the FBI but he is counseled by the shrink to get in touch with his feelings about his father’s murder and he immediately cries about how sorry he is he couldn’t save him. He decides he will not shoot his shrink. The great catharsis has happened for him. He interrupt his shrink’s wedding twice in Miami and NY, because he needs his counsel even though his Shrink wants to end the counseling relationship.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

He splashes into the film in a spray of gunfire as he is attacked by a rival gang in which he survives but his Consigliere is killed.

5. What is the character’s emotional range?

Every emotion from a ruthless and deadly Mafioso to a weepy wounded soul dealing w/ the death of his faher years later.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

His inner conflict between his need to be the tough, no nonsense mob boss while dealing with his emotional neediness which makes him vulnerable..

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With his shrink (Dr. Ben Sobel [Billy Crystal]) with whom he becomes an

empathehic person while, in contrast, he continues his bullying relationships

with his underlings.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented ?

Through his conflict between his role expectation to be tough and yet be vulnerable for this therapy. He refrains from whacking another mobser and tells his hrink aobut it as a breakthrough. “(Give me credit) I was going to whack him, but I didn’t!”)

9. What makes this character special and unique?

He is a funny gangster without losing any of the gangster-like characteristics. He is funny because he plays up his deadly serious gangster characteristics that it’s funny. .

ACTOR ATTRACTOR

MOVIE EXAMPLE: “Analyze This” GENRE: Gangster Comedy.

LEAD CHARACTER: DR. BEN SOBEL, psychiatrist.

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

He is a funny shrink. He is funny through his professional seriousness and fear of his threatending mob boss client.

2. What makes this character the most interesting character?

He is a shrink with a mob boss patient (PAUL VITI)with whom he tries to discontinue therapy, but the gangster keeps coming back because he is being helped and he likes him. They have what is called in psychology, a “positive transference.” He has fantasies that are enacted in the film as fantiasies, of what he’d really like to say to weepy patients which by the end of the film he is saying, but to a gangster which only heightens his anxiety for his and his wife’s safety.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead character takes in the movie?

He finally gets the Paul to acknowledge his underlying problem is that he grieves his father’s death (by mob execution) and guilt that he couldn’t have saved him. He does this by telling Paul about a dream he had (which is a shot for shot reenactment of the attempted slaying of the Godfather in “The Godfather” (with him in the role of the Godfather and Paul Viti in the role of son, Fredo) who when he can’t help his father, he sits on the curb and says, “Papa.” Viti says, “No I’m not a Fredo.” But this does begin to turn him to acknowledge that he felt as helpless when his follow was executed by a mob hit-squad.

4. How is this character introduced so that he could attract an actor?

He is in a season with a weepy patient and in his mind enacts his desire to stand up and yell to the patient to get a life. Next patient, the mobster Paul Viti interripts the session to get therapy on demand.

5. What is the character’s emotional range?

Every emotion from a desperate to upbeat. Fear to joy.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

The conflict between his need to be the professional and the fact that he needs to discontinue therapy with the menacing mob boss Viti.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With his the mob boss (Paul Viti) with whom he becomes, after his fears are

resolved, in the end, a competent Therapist for Viti, while Viti is in Sing Sing

Prison.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented ?

Mostly in fear of Viti for his own safety.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

He is hilarious as he mees every gangster cliché with a psychiatric cliché.

He trys to keep his patient, Viti, at a distance, but can’t, and yet in a

transformational journey with him, comes to terms with his fear and actually has a

good therapeutic relationship with him.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Robert Smith.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’s GENRE CONVENTIONS

My vision for success after this program:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

That the 4-Act Structure + genre conventions = the frame of the story.

TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

GENRE: Gangster Comedy (or “Dramedy.”).

Gangster films are a sub-genre of crime drama. A fyur

Conventions of Comedy:

Purpose: To entertain the audience with a story packed with laughter-inducing moments.

1. Incongruence: Some aspecgt of the journey, world, characters, or perspective is incongruent in a way that causes the audience to laugh. The unconventional pairing of two things, people, or situations in a way that causes laughter.

2. Mechanics of Comedy: Specific devices are used to induce laughter: Primarily in the Setup ? Punchline. Also, devices like topers, running gags, sight and prop humor. This also includes comedic situations like “Fish out of water,” incongruent pairings, Hilarious purpose, Absurd situation, Misinterpretation, etc.

3. Comedic Protagonist(s): Whether deliberately funny or the ‘straight man’ of the story, the protagonist triggers countless amusing situations through their incongruent perspectives, choices and reactions to events.

4. Strong Story: Comedy is not enough. You need a story that keeps us engaged throughout thee movie.

As I am writing in the sub-genre of Gangster Comedy, I looked up conventions of Gangster Comedy and noted these conventions:

1. Trivializing otherwise serious events.

2. Illegal and deviant behaviors and activities.

3. Witty quips.

4. Having tough guys act and talk like ordinary people.

CONCEPT: A slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI. and enter the Witness Protection Program.

Four Act Tranformational Structure

ACT 1 1-30 Pages

Opening The killing of Gangster Lou Tasca by friend Carlo Vizzini after

leaving the .Tony’s Playhouse Gentlemens Club owned by mob capo, Tony Rizzo.

Inciting incident Lou can’t get into the World to Come because of his life of crime

But his spirit guide Rabbi Solomon (a Rabbi that Lou had known in life) gives him a mission to wipe his slate clean: Persuade his killer to quit the mob and join the FBI Witness Protection Program. A collateral good: Do the same for Sam, Rabbi Solomon’s son, who is also a friend and associate of their crime family. Incongruently, a mobster and a Rabbi are paired.

Witty quips: At frst, Lou protests that he did a lot of good that should get him into heaven.

Lou: I did lotsa good for lotsa people. I donated turkeys to a Homeless Shelter for Thanksgiving and I helped a neighbor with the rent.

Sol: But you stole the turkeys from a truck that you hijacked and you made the Landlord an offer he couldn’t refuse.

Turning Point: In the meeting with the Rabbi: Lou’s old ways are his gangster culture: he wants revenge on Carlo not his redemption although that is Lou’s only ticket to the world to come. He also think’s it is “Mission hopeless” to try and persuade a wiseguy to turn rat. Yet, he is moved to undertake this mission under Rabbi Sol’s guidance that nothing is hopeless.

Reveal 1: Lou realizes that he could have left the mob and stayed with the woman he loved: Marybeth Saviano who left Lou because he wouldn’t quit the mob. Through Solomon he meets the never-incarnate soul of Gino, who would have been born if he had left the mob and married Marybeth.

Reveal 2: It was Sam, Carlo and Lou’s boss Tony Rizzo who ordered Carlo to kill Lou, under the false allegation that Lou was telling family secrets to members of other families, whereas the real reason Tony ordered Carlo to kill Lou was that Tony owed Lou $200K in gambling debts that he didn’t want to pay him, so, he cancelled his debt by cancelling Lou.

NOTE: These factors incentivize Lou to undertake his mission to persuade Carlo to quit the mob and join Witness Protection.

ACT 2: 10-30 pages.

New Plan: Too enthusiastically, and against Solomon’s counsel, Lou appears to Carlo and makes Carlo look insane to their boss Tony Rizzo who already (rightly) suspects Carlo and Sam of selling drugs and now sees Carlo talking to Lou (invisible to all but Carlo). Tony believes both Carlo and Lou should be executed. (Tony gave Carlo the order to kill Lou in Act 1.)

Turning Point: Lou sees he made a mistake appearing to Carlo and put Carlo’s life and Lou’s own mission in jeopardy. So, Lou a new way of approaching his mission, namely, following Solomon’s guidance. And think in terms of Carlo’s well-being. and says he will follow Solomon’s gujidance.

ACT 3: 20-30 pages

Rethinking everything: After Tony asks Russian crime boss Oleg Oransky to have his

ex-KGB goons to spy on Carlo and Sam to confirm they dealing

drugs – a step toward killing them, which accelerates the time Lou has to persuade Carlo, and by extension, Sam to go into

Witness Protection, An added complication, Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé) calls in a spirit medium to release Carlo from Lou’s spirit.

Rabbi Solomon now trains Lou in spirit possession of Carlo to chase the medium out of the situation so that their mission for Carlo and Sam may proceed unhindered.

A. Multiple Insights: Lou realizes he must have good will with Carlo, and be an affirming spirit not a demon (a dybbuk.) In other words,

B. Lou more than ever sees that the Old Ways of revenge don’t work.

C. Lou and Solomon must up their game and get to Tony before Tony gets to Carlo and Sam and kills them.

Turning Point 3: All is lost, because Tony is expected to kill Carlo and Sam.

Funny situation: Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé and a stripper at Tony Rizzo’s Playhouse Gentlemens Club asks her fellow poledance partner, Zoey the Psychic Stripper to do a séance in order to get Lou’s ghost out of the apartment. Zoey is Tony’s Gumar (mistress).

Funny situation: The mystical Rabbi Solomon teams up with Lou to do a spirit possession in order to drive Zoey out of the way of their salvific mission for Carlo’s soul and life.

ACT 4: 25 pp.

All is lost (cont’d) Tony gets support from Oleg. It appears that Tony is

ready to kill Sam and Carlo.

Oleg the Russian crime boss plays a wiretap tap recording which catches the

Boss of the whole Giordano Family (Franco Giordano) saying that Tony is a scumbag lush and a gambler and he’s gonna have him whacked. Tony is not dissuaded from killing Carlo and Sam and thanks Oleg for letting him hear the recording because now, he (Tony) says he will make up a family of his own.

CLIMAX: Oleg however turns out to be an FBI informant and warns his

case officers that Carlo and Sam’s lives are in danger.

This creates the situation in which Oleg, Sam, Carlo, Sherrie are persuaded

to surrender to the FBI and even Tony is persuaded.

RESOLUTION: Lou and Solomon celebrate that not only Carlo and Sam but with all the other ‘hoods turned informers’ they had a jackpot of souls. Lou calls it “it jackpot of souls.” Lou gets his entrance into the world to come (acted out as getting a Metrocard to use to get home, to the Bronx. Although, he alludes to he and Solomon doing this kind of mission again. They’ll be a team called The Better Angels.” The incongruous team of mobster and Rabbi can continue in a sequel.

.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’s 4-ACT TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY

My vision for success after this program:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

Working through the 4 Act Transformational Structure is a good discipline to make sure that the concept and characters are working.

TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

GENRE: Gangster Comedy.

L

CONCEPT: A slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI. and enter the Witness Protection Program.

Four Act Tranformational Structure

ACT 1 1-30 Pages

Opening The killing of Gangster Lou Tasca by friend Carlo Vizzini.

Inciting incident Lou can’t get into the World to Come because of his life of crime

But his spirit guide Rabbi Solomon (a Rabbi Lou had known in life) gives him a mission to wipe his slate clean: Persuade his killer to quit the mob and join the FBI Witness Protection Program. A collateral good: Do the same for Sam, Rabbi Solomon’s son, who is also a friend and associate of their crime family.

Turning Point: Lou’s old ways are his gangster culture: he wants revenge on Carlo not his redemption although that is Lou’s only ticket to the world to come. He also think’s it is “Mission hopeless” to try and persuade a wiseguy to turn rat. Yet, he is moved to undertake this mission under Rabbi Sol’s guidance that nothing is hopeless.

ACT 2: 10-30 pages.

New Plan: Too enthusiastically, and against Solomon’s counsel, Lou appears to Carlo and makes Carlo look insane to their boss Tony Rizzo who already (rightly) suspects Carlo and Sam of selling drugs and now sees Carlo talking to Lou (invisible to all but Carlo). Tony believes both Carlo and Lou should be executed. (Tony gave Carlo the order to kill Lou in Act 1.)

Turning Point: Lou sees he made a mistake appearing to Carlo and put Carlo’s life and Lou’s own mission in jeopardy. So, Lou a new way of approaching his mission, namely, following Solomon’s guidance. And think in terms of Carlo’s well-being. and says he will follow Solomon’s gujidance.

ACT 3: 20-30 pages

Rethinking everything: After Tony asks Russian crime boss Oleg Oransky to have his

ex-KGB goons to spy on Carlo and Sam to confirm they dealing

drugs – a step toward killing them, which accelerates the time Lou has to persuade Carlo, and by extension, Sam to go into

Witness Protection, An added complication, Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé) calls in a spirit medium to release Carlo from Lou’s spirit.

Rabbi Solomon now trains Lou in spirit possession of Carlo to chase the medium out of the situation so that their mission for Carlo and Sam may proceed unhindered.

A. Multiple Insights: Lou realizes he must have good will with Carlo, and be an affirming spirit not a demon (a dybbuk.) In other words,

B. Lou more than ever sees that the Old Ways of revenge don’t work.

C. Lou and Solomon must up their game and get to Tony before Tony gets to Carlo and Sam and kills them.

Turning Point 3: All is lost, because Tony is expected to kill Carlo and Sam.

ACT 4: 25 pp.

All is lost (cont’d) Tony gets support from Oleg. It appears that Tony is

ready to kill Sam and Carlo.

CLIMAX: Oleg however turns out to be an FBI informant and warns his

case officers that Carlo and Sam’s lives are in danger.

This creates the situation in which Sam, Carlo, Sherrie are persuaded to surrender to the FBI and even Tony is persuaded.

RESOLUTION: Lou and Solomon celebrate that not only Carlo and Sam but with all the other ‘hoods turned informants’ they had a jackpot of souls. Lou gets his entrance into the world to come (acted out as getting a Metrocard to use to get home, to the Bronx.

Although, he alludes to himself and Solomon doing this kind of mission again. They’ll be a team called “The Better Angels.”

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S SUBTEXT PLOT

My vision for success after this program:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

It’s necessary and fun to plot subplots.

TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

GENRE: Gangster Comedy.

CONCEPT: A slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI. and enter the Witness Protection Program.

2. Subtext plot. The two I will use in my screenplay.

Scheming and investigating: On the one hand, Lou, assisted by his spirit guide Rabbi Solomon are setting up an opportunity for Lou to persuade Carlo to quit the mob, but the boss of the crew, Tony Rizzo suspects Carlo of dealing drugs on the sneak and recruits his Russian crime boss friend (OLEG ORANSKY) to have his ex-KGB henchmen spy Carlo out to see if he is dealing drugs.

Someone hides who they are: Oleg Oransky is a Russian crime boss but also he is an informant for the FBI who will warn Carlo that Tony plans to kill him and his friend Sam Levinsky (who is Rabbi Solomon’s wayward son who himself is a mob associate that Lou and Rabbi Solomon also want to talk into leaving the mob with Carlo..

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY

My vision for success after this program:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

To craft the transformational journey is to shape the road map and contours of the movie and live out the concept.

PROTAGONIST: LOU TASCA,

ARC BEGINNING:

· He is a slain gangster who can’t get into heaven because of his life of crime.

· He is given a mission by which he can redeem himself: persuade his killer to leave the mob and join Witness Protection.

ARC ENDING:

· He talked his killer into ‘turning rat’ and joining Witness Protection and convinced him that what mob culture considers ‘turning rat’ is to make the world a better place because you’re helping the law. .

· He has secured his place in the World to Come.

· In fact, he has set off a chain of events in which a whole group of gangsters quit the mob and join Witness Protection. A “jackpot of souls.”

INTERNAL JOURNEY

· Goes from a mob thug to a soul-rescuer.

· Goes from a mobster to a caring person.

EXTERNAL JOURNEY.

· He leaves the mob mentality and culture.

· He goes from thug to spiritual hero.

OLD WAYS:

· Thought of cooperating with the FBI as ‘turning rat.’

· Believes in violence and revenge as normal transactions in life..

· No regard for the disposition of his soul for good or ill.

· Even good he did was mixed with mob criminality, e.g., he helped a neighbor with the rent by “making his landlord an offer he couldn’t refuse.”

· No concern for spiritual matters.

· Believes in total submission to the rules of mob life, e.g., omerta, silence, and that once you are in La Cosa Nostra, you cannot leave the life..

NEW WAYS:

· Sees that what the mob calls ‘turning rat’ is actually making the world a better place..

· Sees that violence and revenge only cause more violence and revenge, and so.

· He comes to believe in peace and reconciliation.

· By making many gangsters ‘turn rat’ by the old way of thinking he has become a spiritual hero, in other words,

· He does redemptive good for his own soul and the souls of other gangsters.

· He has rejected the mob culture and demonstrates that you can leave the mob life and get a real life.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S INTENTINOAL LEAD CHARACTERS

My vision for success after this program:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and get produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

Characters, like concepts, need loglines to ensure that they adhere to the concept.

TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

GENRE: Gangster Comedy.

CONCEPT: A slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI. and enter the Witness Protection Program.

PROTAGONIST:

CHARACTER: LOU TASCA

LOG LINE: Lou is the slain mobster who must redeem himself by talking his killer (Carlo Vizzini) into quitting the mob, turning state’s evidence, and joining Witness Protection.

UNIQUE: Gangster Lou is a ghost.

ANTAGONIST:

CHARACTER: TONY RIZZO

LOG LINE: Tony is the mob captain who ordered Carlo to kill Lou but then decides to kill Carlo because he (rightly) suspects Carlo of selling drugs.

UNIQUE: Tony creates a challenge to Lou: Can Lou talk Carlo out of the mob before Tony
kills him, or will Tony strike first and Lou’s hope of self-redemption dies with Carlo?

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S TITLE , CONCEPT, and CHARACTER STRUCTURE

CONCEPT SELECTION

My vision for success from this program:

“I want to be a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting movie scripts that sell and are produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…?

Clarity in ougtlining tests the viability of a concept before you write the story.

TITLE: “Angels in Gangland.”

GENRE: Gangster Comedy.

CONCEPT: A slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI and enter the Witness Protection Program.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE: Protagonist vs Antagonist.

Protagonist: The spirit of the slain mobsert (Lou Tasca), tasked to convince his killer

(fellow wiseguy Carlo Vizzini) that it is a good thing “to turn rat” and join the Witness Protection Program.

Antagonist: Mob culture, in which Carlo is stuck, and his boss, Tony Rizzo, is ready to

kill Carlo whom he suspects of insanity (with his ghost story of Lou’s viaitations) and “turning rat.”

[Robert Smith]

Hi, friends!

I am Robert R. “Bob” Smith living in Elkton, Maryland with my wife of 47 years and our cat “Smokey.”

I am a retired Episcopal Priest and actor, trained at the Lee Strasberg Theatre Institute where I appeared in two projects of the Actors Studio. Most recently, I was the lead in a film project and more recently wrote and performed comedy sketches with a local sketch comedy and Improv company – which I left in order to learn screenwriting at ScreenwritingU. I recently wrote m y first full length stage play: a Gangster Comedy, “Angels in Gangland” which as a Zoom Production won the Best Full Length Feature Film at the Cecil County Independent Film Festival.

I am finishing a first draft of my screenplay begun in the ProSeries 80 course. Title: “Moths Around a Flame” about first Best Actor Oscar-Winner Emil Jannings and his fall from grace beginning with his strained relationship with Marlene Dietrich during the production of “The Blue Angel.”

My goal is to adapt my play “Angels in Gangland” to the screen, so I have begun working on a screenplay.

I am a fan of the New York Yankees and Indy Car Racing.

I look forward to being part of the group.

Best Always to everyone.

Bob

Robert R(ussell) Smith

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. “Bob” Smith

I agree to the terms of this release form.”

Robert R. Smith (Bob) Smith

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Robert Smith]

What I learned doing this lesson is…?

How important it is to have clarity and concreteness about every creative and marketing step to be taken, and time limits and observability of career and creative goals and methods.

1. Please tell us the answers to these questions about your next six months of activity:

A. What is your overall screenwriting goal for the next six months?

To finish my current PS project, “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of ‘The Blue Angel’” and adapt my award-winning stageplay “Angels in Gangland” into a screenplay.

Market both (get one or both sold) and begin to build my network.

B. What are you going to do to elevate quality?

Use skill mastery sheets from PS80 as well as the T.O.T.E. method. .

Get play readings of my scripts by friends, or two groups I work with which include writers. This should be lots of fun..

C. How are you going to build a library of marketable scripts?

In addition to the scripts mentioned above, I have two other outlines and partially written scripts to develop

D. What do you think might be your specialty (brand)?

Historical dramas, gangster stories.

E. How are you going build a stronger network

Through adding producers and also arranging staged readings of my scripts.

F. How are you going to improve your understanding of doing this business?

Read the trades and network with more people in the industry.

G. How are you going to market yourself and your writing?

Mastering pitch and query letter techniques nnd participating in pitch sessions, also entering my scripts into contests.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH knows T.O.T.E.

What I learned from this lesson is…?

The importance of Testing, making changes based on feedback, testing again and exiting only when the script is as complete as it could be following testing. Also, upon reflection, I realized I have resources to build my network right now.

1. Look into the future and tell us how you are going to use the TOTE Process with…

a. Your script.

Make sure that script is as elevated as I can make it. But don’t send it in yet. Without T.O.T.E.

b. Your query letters.

Work from the script and create as many ‘hooks’ as possible from the scene work because that is what producers look for.

c. Building your network.

A Friend to read the script.

Table reading with a group.

I belong to a playwrights group and a Improvisational comedy group that includes sketch writing. .

Then a staged reading of the screenplay for an audience. Get it audience-tested.

Soon I’ll have PSA friends to add to network.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH FIRST DRAFT OF QUERY LETTER – GLAD TO EXCHANGE FEEDBACK….

Reply below or at: RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

WHAT I learned doing this assignment is…?”

Write as entertaining a Query Letter as possible filled with hooks and make it short and

simple.

FIRST DRAFT OF A QUERY LETTER TO AN IMAGINARY PRODUCER.

Mr. Mike Marcel

Mike Marcel Productions, LLC.

22 Celluloid Lane

Casino, California 22222

Dear Mr. Marcel:

RE: My screenplay: “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.”

Cast in the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” the newly-discovered Marlene Dietrich is a happily married bisexual who supports her husband, their daughter. and his mistress, while she also has an affair with her mentor, the film’s controversial director, Josef von Sternberg.

But it is hardly a Happy Family on the set of “The Blue Angel.”

Sternberg has to referee a feud caused by the star, Oscar-winner Emil Jannings who fears he will lose his star-status due to Dietrich’s portrayal of the seductive cabaret showgirl Lola Lola, as well as by her off-camera affair with director Sternberg, who appears to elevate Dietrich at Jannings’ expense on camera..

When Jannings injures Dietrich in a fight scene, Sternberg appeals to both actors to reconcile and partner for the sake of art and make ‘The Blue Angel’ a classic. Not only do they reconcile, they deliver stellar performances. Dietrich invites Jannings to come back to Hollywood with her and Sternberg and escape the rise of Nazism to which Jannings feels vulnerable because he has an ailing Jewish mother. .

What if Jannings had returned to Hollywood? We see the one time Oscar-winner play a Nazi in a string of war story B-Movies. He also falls among Tinseltown’s biggest boozers (Lon Chaney and Broderick Crawford) and winds up with them in an LAPD drunk tank. After a struggle of years, Jannings’ career hits paydirt. Ironically, the actor who escaped Nazism plays the role of an escaped Nazi war criminal hiding in Egypt which wins Jannings his second Oscar in 25 years.

But this is only the narrator’s “wish it was true” fantasy of Jannings-as-he-could-have-been had he only made the right decision and left Germany for Hollywood. Instead, what really happens is that after the war, Jannings faces denazification and the end of his acting career for having appeared, (he claims) under duress, in a number of Nazi propaganda films. The fate of Jannings and Dietrich ironically mirror the fates of their respective characters in “The Blue Angel” Dietrich went on to further entertainment success as did her character Lola Lola in the film and Jannings’ was ruined like his Professor Immanuel Rath whose infatuation with Dietrich’s cabaret showgirl led to his downfall.

I have been a fan of classic films all my life and “The Blue Angel,” its production and aftermath has always fascinated me, especially, how the lives of the lead players parallel the characters they portrayed. I am a playwright and the Zoom production of my stageplay, “Angels in Gangland” won the award of Best Full Length Feature Film at the Cecil County Independent Film Festival in 2021.

If you wish, I would be delighted to send you a copy of my script of “Moths Around A Flame: The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’” My contact information is below.

Best Always,

Robert Russell Smith

443-674-8659

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Adding my contact information in request for feedback exchange

[Robert Smith]

ROUGH DRAFT OF QUERY LETTER

TITLE: “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of “The Blue Angel.”

Mr. Mike Marcus

Mike Marcus Productions, LLC.

25 Prancers Lane

Kringle, California

Dear Mr. Marcus:

RE: My screenplay: “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.”

Cast in the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” the newly-discovered Marlene Dietrich is a happily married bisexual who supports her husband, their daughter. and his mistress – all this, while she also has an affair with her mentor, the film’s controversial director, Josef von Sternberg.

During the making of “The Blue Angel,” a feud develops between Dietrich and the star, Oscar-winner Emil Jannings who feels his star-status is being eroded by Dietrich’s screen-hogging salacious performance as the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola as well as by her off-screen affair with director, Josef von Sternberg.

When Jannings injures Dietrich in a fight scene, Sternberg appeals to both actors to reconcile and partner for the sake of art and make ‘The Blue Angel’ a classic. Can they do it?

They reconcile and deliver stellar performances. Dietrich invites Jannings to come back to Hollywood and escape Nazism to which Jannings feels vulnerable to persecution because he has an ailing Jewish mother. .

What if Jannings had gone to America? He doesn’t but what if? We see him fall among Tinseltown’s biggest boozers (Lon Chaney and Broderick Crawford) and wind up with them in an LAPD drunk tank. After a struggle of years, Jannings’ career finally takes off, ironically, in the role of a Nazi war criminal hiding in Egypt which wins Jannings his second Oscar in 25 years.

But this is only the narrator’s fantasy of what could have happened if Jannings had made the right decision and gone to Hollywood as he had told Dietrich he would. What really happens is that after the war, Jannings faces denazification and the end of his acting career for his having appeared, (he claims) under duress, in a number of Nazi propaganda films. The fate of Jannings and Dietrich ironically mirror the fates of their respective characters in “The Blue Angel” Dietrich went on to further success as did her character Lola Lola and Jannings’ was ruined like his Professor Rath whose infatuation with Dietrich’s cabaret showgirl led to his downfall.

I have been a fan of classic films all my life and “The Blue Angel,” its production and aftermath has always fascinated me, especially, how the lives of the lead players parallel the characters they portrayed. I am a playwright and actor and the Zoom production of my stageplay, “Angels in Gangland” won the award of Best Full Length Feature Film at the Cecil County Independent Film Festival in 2021.

If you wish, I would be delighted to send you a copy of the script of “Moths Around A Flame: The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’” My contact information is below.

Best Always,

Robert Russell Smith

443-674-8659

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

[Robert Smith]

DAY 8 FIND THE HOOKS MARCH 7 2022

BOB SMITH HAS LOTS OF HOOKS

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THISS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

Check for hooks. There are more of them than you think. Use them and enjoy them.

The lead character hooks

Emil Jannings: 2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 15, 17.

Marlene Dietrich: 1, 3, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

Josef von Sternberg: 3, 4, 9, 10.

THE HOOKS IN THE SCRIPT:

1. Marlene Dietrich is anti-Nazi, a U. S; citizen and entertains the troops even as they fight the German army.

2. Oscar-winning actor Emil Jannings in postwar Berlin, must explain why he appeared in Nazi propaganda films or face denazification and the end of his acting career.

3. Jannings is the star of “The Blue Angel” but fears he is being deposed from being star by the future sex siren, Marlene Dietrich.

4. Bi-sexual Marlene Dietrich is having an affair with her mentor and the film;s director Josef von Sternberg while she is married to and supports her husband, their child, and his mistress.

5. The world’s first Sexologist, Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld is an early day Dr. Ruth and predicts eventual Nazi rule.

6. In the event of a Nazi take-over, Jannings fears for his life because he has a Jewish mother.

7. To protect himself and family, Jannings agrees to do Nazi propaganda films for fear of reprisals if he refuses.

8. During Dietrich’s night on the town at Club Silhouette where she hosts Jannings, von Sternberg, and fellow cast members, veteran actors Kurt Gerron, and Hans Albers.

9. Jannings and Dietrich have a scene in which Jannings’ professor character, strangles Dietrich’s showgirl characters, but Jannings actually injures Dietrich.

10. Sternberg has to referee the feud between Jannings and Dietrich, who is his mistress.

11. Sternberg urges Dietrich and Jannings to put aside their differences and partner up for art to make “The Blue Angel” a classic.

12. Jannings and Dietrich reconcile.

13. Dietrich encourages Jannings to return to Hollywood.

14. Jannings and Dietrich finish the film with stellar performances which are strangely like the trajectories of their lives: Dietrich soars to stardom and Jannings’ career is ruined.

15. Jannings falls among Tinseltown’s biggest boozers (Lon Chaney, Jr. and Broderick Crawford) and ends up with them in an LAPD drunk tank.

16. Chaney tells Crawford about his Wolfman makeup, and Crawford says, “I’m sure it is an improvement for you, Lon!” and a fistfight between them ensues.

17. Crawford goes on to an Oscar.

18. Jannings eventually gets an Oscar for his role as an escaped Nazi war criminal in Egypt, thirty years after his first Oscar..

19. Nazi Brownshirts led by Ernst Rohm attack the Club Silhouette prompting Hirschfeld to predict inevitable Nazi takeover.

20. Ernst Rohm is executed which convinces Jannings that nobody in Nazi Germany is safe and to stay safe he must continue to do propaganda films and even campaign for the Nazi Party during the Reichstag elections of 1938.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH LOGLINE AND ONE-SENTENCE PHONE PITCH.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT.

The all-importance of brevity.

1. Write a logline for your screenplay for each of the 3 formulas.

Protagonist_ has a problem_and_ much achieve goal_ to solve gthat problem.

During the shooting of “The Blue Angel” (1930). Oscar-winning actor Emil Jannings is in a jealous feud with (newly discovered) Marlene Dietrich but each actor must cast aside their animus in order to make the film the classic it is. In the aftermath, the career trajectories of both actors mirror the success and ruin of their characters in ‘The Blue Ange,” namely, the stardom of Dietrich and the ruin of Jannings.

Protagonist has_a goal_but_major obstacke_stands in his/her way.

Oscar winning actor (Emil Jannings) wants to revive his acting career, but he faces denazification if he cannot prove that he appeared in Nazi propaganda films under duress from the Third Reich.

(Situation) causes (main character to face (largest obstacle) and (outcome).

The Nazi party comes to power and forces Oscar-winning actor Emil Jannings to appear in Nazi propaganda films which subjects him to possible denazification and ruin at the end of World War II, if he cannot prove that he cooperated with the Nazis under duress. .

2. Write a one sentence phone pitch for your screenplay. First tell us the biggest hook and then incorporate it into your one sentence pitch.

“Moths Around a Flame: The Making of “The Blue Angel” is an historical drama – a movie about the making of a movie – with roles like Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg and others that would attract A-List actors. It tells the story of how the career tragectories of the lead actors of “The Blue Angel” ironically mirror the fates of the characters they play, in which there is stardom for Marlene Dietrich and ruin for Emil Jannings.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S MARKETABLE COMPONENTS.

“WHAT I LEARNED DOING TIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?”

Less is more: Concentrate on two components (only) to develop a marketability profile.

TITLE: “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

LOGLINE: The making of the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” (1930) has an impact on the principal actors, Emil Jannings and [then unknown] Marlene Dietrich and the director (Josef von Sternberg) that leads to success for von Sternberg, stardom for Dietrich, but ironically, the fall of Emil Jannings in a manner that parallels his role as the professor in the film, whose infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin.

TWO COMPONENTS OF MARKETABILITY: (1) A great role for a bankable actor and (2) It’s a first.

1. A great role for a bankable actor: In fact, three roles for bankable actors:

MARLENE DIETRICH, JOSEF VON STERNBERG, and EMIL JANNINGS

For Marlene Dietrich: Jessica Chastain or Amanda Seyfried.

For Josef von Sternberg: Jon Berenthal, Paul Rudd, Jake Gyllenhaal, Adam Sandler.

For Emil Jannings: Gary Oldman.

Von Sternberg was the film’s director but also the mentor and lover of Marlene Dietrich.

He also had to referee the feud between Dietrich and Jannings. This hostile triangle is rich for any actor wanting to showcase their abilities. .

2. It’s a first. No one has done a movie about the making of the movie, “The Blue Angel” and there was an element of the story that parallels real life: Von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich developed a partnership with one another that led to six more films together and their having an affair. Jannings was the first actor to win Best Actor Oscar but he feels rivalled by Marlene Dietrich for the lead of “The Blue Angel.” After the film is made, the trajectory of the lives of Dietrich and Jannings are similar to those of the characters they play in the film: Dietrich goes on to stardom and Jannings is ruined because of his appearance in several Nazi propaganda films.

[Robert Smith]

1. Looking over the Day 4 and 5 lessons, create a plan of at least 10 actions you are going to take in the next 60 days to build a strong social network and connect with producers.

2. Go to Twitter and look through our list of producers. Follow at least five of them that you feel comfortable meeting through Twitter. If you don’t have a Twitter account, sign up now. We use Twitter for many things in the PSA, so you’ll be ahead of the curve when you get there.

3. On the five producers you’ve followed on Twitter, read through their tweets and find something they’ve said that you can make a comment about.

4. Post the following:

A. Your plan (from #1 above)

1. Contact my proseries group for creation of a writer’s feedback group.

2. Get onto Linkdin

3. Get into producer’s group on Linkdin.

4. Finish one script

5. Rewrite another script.

6. Campaign for ##4 & 5 to get made.

7. Make contact with managers and producers.

8. Conduct a staged reading of the screenplays of #4 & 5.

9. Secure Entertainment Attorney.

10. Whatever book option is needed.

B. Your Twitter address: r_smith4646.

C. I am following most of the producers on the SU list.

D. Your experience of approaching producers this way.

Have not yet approached producers.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S NETWORK

, “What I learned doing this assignment is…” and place at the top of your work.

Just how paltry my network is BUT also how to build it.

1. Create a file in your computer or a pad of paper and answer these questions:

Who do you know inside the ProSeries and SU Alumni?

Rob

Elizabeth

Who do you know in other writing groups?

The Live Playwrights Society – Rich

Funny Farm Theatre

Who do you know in Industry groups?

Who have you worked with on a movie?

Gordon

Dan

Who do you know who knows someone inside the industry?

Gordon

Dan

Rachel

Who are you connected to on Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn that knows someone?

– – –

2. Now, categorize them:

Who fits into each category? (Use C to represent Category.)

C1. Cheerleaders/Friends.

Michael

David

Nick

C2. Feedback sources.

Pro Series

Rob

Elizabeth

Hal

C3. Potential Fans.

– – – –

C4. Potential Champions.

– –

3. Answer, “What potential do you already see in your network?”

Certain individuals with possible connections but definitely feedback.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S MARKETING CAMPAIGN

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

The importance of thinking in terms of concrete goals and the tactics that can reach it.

CAMPAIGN STATEMENT: To sell a script to a producer.

STRATEGIES: To secure support from A-List Actors and producers.

LIST OF TACTICS

Organize and present one or two staged readings of my unproduced screenplay w/a director. This gives an “audience test” for the script and is an opportunity to invite producers, directors, investors.

Attend conferences about Direction and Production.

Enter script contests to build credibility for the scrip.

Script-blaster.

Query letters to producers.

Follow up on producers, I have met.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S TARGET MARKET

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS …?

Look for a target market among agents, managers, producers, etc. who do movies like the one you are writing.

PROJECT TITLE: “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

GENRE: Historical Drama.

LOGLINE: “Moths Around a Flame” is an historical drama in which Josef von Sternberg’s new protégé and mistress Marlene Dietrich and Oscar-winner Emil Jannings are the conflicted lead-actors in Sternberg’s erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” and their careers follow trajectories that parallel the fate of the characters they portray in the film, i.e., with the success of Dietrich and the ruin of Jannings.

1. Make a list of five or more movies that are similar to yours and five actors that you might want to play your lead characters.

MANK

Producers

Cean Chaffin

Eric Roth

Douglas Ubanski

RKO 281

Producers

Ridley Scott

Su Armstrong

THE CAT’S MEOW

Producers

Julia Barnes

Kim Bieber

Carol Lewis

Dieter Mayer

(Couldn’t think of any more films that are close to what I am writing.)

2. Using the Targeting process above, go to http://www.imdb.com and find 20 to 100 producers for your specific project.

I had problems with the IMDB site, however the producers of the three films mentioned in #1 (above) may be potential open doors for me as those films are about either the making of a classic motion picture or the people in the film industry who make the films, although they come to only 9 rather 20-100 they still are candidates. Among them is Ridley Scott. (The producers’ names are listed under the above films.)

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S PROJECT AND MARKET

“What I learned today is…?

I learned how to better wear the “business hat” of a writer.

PROJECT TITLE: “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

GENRE: Historical Drama.

LOGLINE: “Moths Around a Flame” is an historical drama in which Josef von Sternberg’s new protégé and mistress Marlene Dietrich and Oscar-winner Emil Jannings are the conflicted lead-actors in Sternberg’s erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” and their careers follow trajectories that parallel the fate of the characters they portray in the film, i.e., with the success of Dietrich and the ruin of Jannings.

Most attractive about this film is that it is a movie about the making of a classic movie, the persons who made it (Dietrich, Jannings, and director, Josef von Sternberg) and their tangled relationships. I especially think that Paramount might be interested in this film as Paramount is the studio at which Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg did their best work, and Paramount had a direct hand in this German-made film. The film will attract the interest of the same ‘movie buff’ audience that are fans of TCM and such films of the making of films as “Mank,” and “RKO 281.”

Initially, my target will be actors. To demonstrate both bankability and abilities as an actor, I can imagine many interested A-listers wanting to play such parts as Marlene Dietrich, Emil Jannings, or Sternberg. I see Jessica Chastain as Dietrich and Gary Oldman as Jannings. For the part of controversial director Josef von Sternberg, either Paul Giamatti, Paul Rudd, or Jon Bernthal.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S GREAT FIRST PAGE

What I learned doing this assignment is…? That the first page must have continual passes from every angle to make sure it is a killer opening.

I am trying to catch up on assignments and at one point this was/ and was to remain my first page.

INSERT: Documentary footage of the Allies fighting the German Army.

NEWSREEL NARRATOR (VO)

While Allied troops are about to enter Germany,

Star of stage and screen, Marlene Dietrich, a Nazi-critic, and former German citizen, entertains our troops.

EXT. A US ARMY BASE AMPHITHEATRE – DAY

Thousands of TROOPS in the audience.

MARLENE DIETRICH is at the microphone. Her show is already in progress. She tells the troops, “Hey, guys! Give those Nazis the licking they deserve!”

The Troops applaud.

Marlene Dietrich says, “Here is my song from “The Blue Angel”

Dietrich begins to sing “Falling in Love again.”

The troops applaud as the song begins.

Her song continues AS background for the following actions.

General Eisenhower (VO) announces:

EISENHOWER (VO)

“From General Order One-zero-six-seven:

“Denazification: All who have rendered public

support to the Nazi Party shall be barred from

public appearances.”

Dietrich’s song fades and ends.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S GREAT FIRST PAGE

What I learned doing this assignment is that a first page which is crucial must be challenged. I did and the 10 pages I submitted on Day 6 is the improvement

EXT. POST WORLD WAR 2 BERLIN U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Super: BERLIN – AMERICAN SECTOR – 1945

Letters on the building spell, U. S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS

MILITARY POLICE (M. P.’S) are on guard duty at the kiosk at the gate.

The figure of a man emerges from the surrounding rubble, walking toward the M. P.’s. He is EMIL JANNINGS, age 60. He carries an Oscar statuette.

The M. P.’s put their rifles at the ready to aim and shoot.

M. P. #1

Halt! Who goes there?

JANNINGS

(brandishing his Oscar statuette)

Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!

I won an Oscar.

The M.P.’s ease up and cross to Jannings.

JANNINGS (CONT’D)

Thank you, officers. I am Emil

Jannings.

M. P. #1

The actor?

JANNINGS

(reading from the Oscar)

“Best Actor,’ 1929 for “Last

Command” and “The Way of All

Flesh.”

M, P. #2

We need to see your papers.

JANNINGS

The Russians bombed Berlin back

into the Stone Age and you want

papers! Well, I have no papers!

I had hoped the Oscar would suffice

to confirm my identity.

M. P. #1

Of course it does. Why have you

come here?

JANNINGS

Isn’t it obvious? Why else do

people appeal to America? For

freedom! I have an acting career

to revive.

M. P. #2

He needs to be vetted.

JANNINGS

“Vetted”?

M, P. #2

Yes, you may need to be

denazified.

JANNINGS

Me? Denazified?

M. P. #1

Yes, you have to speak

with Major Kershaw.

JANNINGS

Major Kershaw?

M, P. #2

Major Kent Kershaw. He is

our Security Officer.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH READY FOR CRITIQUE

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

I learned that there is a forever useful criterion and rules for killer openings.

SYNOPSIS

TITLE: “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of “The Blue Angel.”

ACT ONE: Oscar-winning actor Emil Jannings seeks to revive his acting career in post-war Berlin and perhaps return to Hollywood. However, he learns at US Army Headquarters that he must satisfactorily explain why he appeared in Nazi propaganda films or face denazification, i.e., be barred from public appearances, effectively, ending his acting career. To explain, he recounts how he had experienced Nazi violence first hand during the early weeks of the production of “The Blue Angel” in 1930 and how he was advised that the only way he could survive the Nazis, especially, with a Jewish mother was to appear in their propaganda films. The entire film is a flashback of this time during the making of “The Blue Angel.”

ACT TWO: Kurt Gerron, a Jewish cast member, consults his rabbi with the question, Is it permissible to appear in the enemy’s propaganda films as a way to save one’s life and the lives of loved ones, the Rabbi answers, Yes, as long as no lives are taken in doing so. This answer is a reassurance to Jannings who now has more immediate problems. He is the star of “The Blue Angel” but fears upstaging by the director’s ‘discovery’ Marlene Dietrich. He complains to Sternberg who is reassuring but dismissive, and does not partner with Jannings, the Star, but spends most of his time mentoring Dietrich, who is clearly Sternberg’s mistress. The growing feud starts to disrupt fellow actors and crew members. Dietrich’s role is Lola Lola the cabaret showgirl love-interest of the straight-laced professor (played by Jannings) who is ultimately ruined because of his infatuation with her. When Jannings’ character strangles Dietirich’s character in the film, the over-acting Jannings actually injures Dietrich. Director Sternberg, pleads with the actors to put aside their needless rivalry and partner-for-art’s sake to make “The Blue Angel” a masterpiece, which they do. Dietrich sings her signature song, “Falling in Love Again,” and Jannings profoundly enacts the death of the professor as he dies a broken man clutching his teacher’s desk in his old classroom. Dietrich and Jannings reconcile and she invites him to come to Hollywood with her and Sternberg but Jannings says he must remain in Germany because Hollywood has already excluded him from “talkies” because of his heavy German accent. His only option, especially, after threats from pro-Nazi Studio Chief Hugensberg, is to appear in Nazi propaganda films. His conscience is free to do so on the basis of the Rabbi’s counsel to Gerronl that as long as lives are not taken, it is morally permissible to appear in Nazi propaganda films.

ACT THREE: Jannings makes it clear that he appeared in Nazi films because he feared terrible reprisals if he refused. However, it is discovered in Jannings’ dossier that he had campaigned for the Nazi Party during the Reichstag elections of 1938. This automatically requires Jannings’ denazification and the end of his dreams of reviving his acting career. The last image is that of Jannings, like his Professor in “The Blue Angel” clutching his Oscar, a ruined man – this, in contrast to Dietrich (a Nazi-critic) who leaves Germany for Hollywood and stardom, including singing her song “Falling in Love Again” even to troops fighting the German Army. It is ironic how life imitates art in the way Dietrich and Jannings end up like their characters in “The Blue Angel.”

MY FIRST TEN PAGES +

My choice of opening is a set up/twist opening combined with a contrast and action opening. What follows is the initial outline, then the scene.

INSERT: Documentary footage of the Allies fighting the German Army.

EXT. A US ARMY BASE AMPHITHEATRE – DAY

Thousands of TROOPS in the audience.

MARLENE DIETRICH is at the microphone. Her show is already in progress. She tells the troops, “Hey, guys! Give those Nazis the licking they deserve!”

The Troops applaud.

Marlene Dietrich says, “Here is my song from “The Blue Angel”

Dietrich begins to sing “Falling in Love again.”

The troops applaud as the song begins.

Her song continues AS background for the following actions.

General Eisenhower (VO) announces:

EISENHOWER (VO)

“From General Order One-zero-six-seven:

“Denazification: All who have rendered public

support to the Nazi Party shall be barred from

public appearances.”

Dietrich’s song fades and ends.

EMIL JANNINGS appears at the US Headquarters Berlin, waving his Oscar statuette yelling to the guards: “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

He tells the guards he wants to revive his acting career but the guards tell him he must be vetted and perhaps denazified.

Jannings proceeds to an interview with Major Kent Kershaw who is a fan but sticks to the business at hand. He tells and asks why did Jannings act in Nazi propaganda films. He tells Jannings that if his answers are not satisfactory, denazification would be required which would, in effect, kill all chances of reviving his acting to career. To answer Kershaw’s question, he tells of events during the production of “The Blue Angel.”

INSERT – – DOCUMENTARY FOOTAGE: US TROOPS BATTLE GERMAN TROOPS IN EASTERN FRANCE.

NEWSREEL NARRAOR (VO)

While our Army advances over the Rhine River

into Germany, movie star and singer

Marlene Dietrich, herself of German origin and

now an American citizen does her share for the

war effort as she entertains our troops.

EXT. AN ARMY BASE AMPHITHEATRE – NIGHT

This is filmed to look like newsreel footage.

A USO entertainment show for the US troops on the European front. MARLENE DIETRICH is at the microphone.

DIETRICH

Hey, guys! Give those Nazis the licking they deserve!

TROOPS hoot and applaud.

DIETRICH (CONT’D)

I became an American citizen,

you know. So, thank you, my fellow

Americans.

Troops applaud.

DIETRICH (CONT’D)

I am going to sing to you a song

from “The Blue Angel” in which

I appeared with Emil Jannings.

Troops boo at the mention of Jannings.

DIETRICH

No, don’t do that. I asked him

to leave Germany with me and come

to America. I suppose he had his

reasons to not leave. But.

He might have been up here on stage

with me now. Instead of

hiding out somewhere in Berlin.

First, from the Nazis, now from

the Russians. He was a great actor

who won the first Oscar for Best Actor.

But enjoy the song from our film.

Dietrich sings “Falling in Love Again” continuously, it is background music until noted below.

GENERAL EISENHOWER (VO)

“From Joint Chief’s Order One-zero-six-seven:

“Denazification: All who have rendered

public support to the Nazi Party shall be barred from public appearances.”

Dietrich’s song fades and ends.

EXT. POST WORLD WAR 2 BERLIN U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Super: BERLIN – AMERICAN SECTOR – 1945

Letters on the building spell, U. S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS

MILITARY POLICE (M. P.’S) are on guard duty at the kiosk at the gate.

The figure of a man emerges from the surrounding rubble, walking toward the M. P.’s. He is EMIL JANNINGS, age 60. He carries an Oscar statuette.

The M. P.’s put their rifles at the ready to aim and shoot.

M. P. #1

Halt! Who goes there?

JANNINGS

(brandishing his Oscar statuette)

Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!

I won an Oscar.

The M.P.’s ease up and cross to Jannings.

JANNINGS (CONT’D)

Thank you, officers. I am Emil

Jannings.

M. P. #1

The actor?

JANNINGS

(reading from the Oscar)

“Best Actor,’ 1929 for “Last

Command” and “The Way of All

Flesh.”

M, P. #2

We need to see your papers.

JANNINGS

The Russians bombed Berlin back

into the Stone Age and you want

papers! Well, I have no papers!

I had hoped the Oscar would suffice

to confirm my identity.

M. P. #1

Of course it does. Why have you

come here?

JANNINGS

Isn’t it obvious? Why else do

people appeal to America? For

freedom! I have an acting career

to revive.

M. P. #2

He needs to be vetted.

JANNINGS

“Vetted”?

M, P. #2

Yes, you may need to be

denazified.

JANNINGS

Me? Denazified?

M. P. #1

Yes, you have to speak

with Major Kershaw.

JANNINGS

Major Kershaw?

M, P. #2

Major Kent Kershaw. He is

our Security Officer.

M. P #2 escorts Jannings through the gate and up to the front door of headquarters. They enter.

INT. U. S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – OFFICE – DAY

Jannings is seated at the desk of Major Kent Kershaw, whose name and rank are on a name plate facing Jannings as does KERSHAW himself, seated at his desk.

Jannings has placed his Oscar on the Major’s desk.

Kershaw has a dossier file on Jannings open before him.

JANNINGS

It seems you already know more

about me than I know.

KERSHAW

Speaking personally, it’s an honor

to meet you, Mr. Jannings. One of

my favorite movies is “The

Blue Angel” Your performance as the

professor was superb. I am

surprised you did not win an Oscar

for it.

JANNINGS

I am surprised an Oscar didn’t go

to Marlene Dietrich’s legs.

Both have short laugh.

KERSHAW

I’d like to know about the making

of “The Blue Angel.” But we have

business to discuss here. I

understand You want to live here

in the American Sector.

JANNINGS

Yes, sir. East Berlin is a

Russian-dominated Hell Hole. I also

want to revive my acting career.

In fact, I may want to go back to

America. I lived in Hollywood, you

know.

KERSHAW

Well aware. However, before we can

give you these privileges, you have

to appear before the Commission. I

will advocate for you as best I can,

but you must explain, how did an

actor – a man of your stature – allow

himself to be used by the Nazis in

propaganda films.

JANNINGS

That’s easy. I did it in order to

survive. Had I refused, the Gestapo

would have carted me off to

God-knows-where.

KERSHAW

Fear.

JANNINGS

All Germans who weren’t Nazis were

living in fear. Now I am sixty years

old. I put up with twelve years under Hitler. I do not want to live in the

Soviet Sector for the rest of my life

under Stalin.

KERSHAW

Tell me about it. The Commission must

be satisfied that you do not need

denazifiation.

JANNINGS

What would de-nazifiqion entail?

KERSHAW

You could not make any more public appearance.

JANNINGS

You would end my acting career? But

it’s all that I live for. How can you

denazify me? I never was a Nazi!

KERSHAW

That is what you must demonstrate

to the Commission: how it happened

that you were used by the Nazis. But

first, I need to hear your story.

JANNINGS

Well, I’ll tell it as best as I can

remember. You’ll be pleased to know

my story goes back to the time of

the making of “The Blue Angel.” It

was 1929. Your Stock Market crash was devastating to Germany. Nazi Party

membership soared. I experienced the violence of the Stormtroopers, first

hand. It was on an evening, early in

the production, when Marlene Dietrich

took us all out to a night on the town. Marlene invited me even though we did

not get along.

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL – NIGHT

The crew has left.

Cast members linger, seated in a circle with director, JOSEF von STERNBERG are: Emil Jannings, KURT GERRON, and HANS ALBERS.

Jannings introduces each person, each of whom come into focus as

Jannings introduces each by name.

JANNINGS (V.O.)

(continuing his story

to Kershaw)

There was Kurt Gerron, and director

Josef von Sternberg. Even Hans

Albers was there. His scenes were not scheduled to be shot, as yet. But

Hans would visit the set just to be

of support to his fellow actors. Hans

was an actor’s actor. Then, of

course there was Marlene Dietrich.

Marlene Dietrich enters.

Dietrich is dressed in characteristic tuxedo, tails, top hat. She smokes.

JANNINGS

Marlene, why are you dressed like that?

DIETRICH

It’s the only way a gentlemen should

dress.

JANNINGS

What’s the occasion?

DIETRICH

I am so thrilled to be playing the

part of the showgirl Lola Lola and

working with all of you, that I’d

like to take all of you out on the

town, and show you “the Berlin of

Lola Lola.”

JANNINGS

You mean “the Berlin of Miss

Dietrich.”

DIETRICH

“Miss Dietrich”! “Miss Dietrich”!

You all have my permission to call

me “Marlene.” I can ‘t stand the

formality. I am taking you out and

it is my treat because it is my first

leading role in a motion picture that

is the first “talkie” in Germany.

STERNBERG

Simultaneiously filmed in English for

the world to see you, my dear.

JANNINGS

You have a leading role, Marlene, but

as the star of “The Blue Angel,” I am

the one who should provide such largess

to the rest of the company and for you.

STERNBERG

Emil. Let Marlene provide largess. She

will soon be a star after “The Blue Angel.” I am taking Marlene back to Hollywood, to Paramount.

JANNINGS

But I am the star of “The Blue Angel.”

STERNBERG

No need to be defensive, Emil.

DIETRICH

(to Jannings)

And it is an honor to share the screen

with you. Of course, you are the star,

Emil. Allow me to host the star for a

Night of fun.

GERRON

It is too much for any one person.

I suggest separate checks. And we

all pitch in to pay for Miss – uh,

for Marlene.

DIETRICH

I wont hear of it. My treat.

All ad-lib their thanks.

STERNBERG

Remember, Marlene. Watch what

you eat. You still need to lose

a few pounds.

DIETRICH

I plan to exclude Schwarzwald

Kirchtorte and continue my training

at Mahir Sabri’s Boxing Studio.

ALBERS

Sabri? The Turkish Boxing Champion?

DIETRICH

Yes, would any of you like to join the

studio to shed a few pounds?

JANNINGS

I have already taken off forty pounds.

DIETRICH

Time to lose the next forty.

Jannings is not amused.

DIETRICH (CONT’D)

I’m only kidding, Emil.

Anyway, I’ll get literature about his

studio for all of you to read and

consider. But. For tonight, it’s Club Silhouette! That’s where you’ll meet

“the Einstein of Sex.”

GERRON

Who is that?

DIETRICH

Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld.

JANNINGS

(wryly)

I thought “the Einstein

Of Sex” was you, Marlene.

DIETRICH

I’ll take that as a compliment.

Emil, think of how the

straight-laced character you play –

Professor Rath – would regard Dr.

Hirschfeld and the Club Sllhouette.

STERNBERG

That’s a good suggestion.

(to Jannings)

Take it as coming from the

Director, Emil.

JANNINGS

I have had years of experience.

I know how an actor prepares.

DIETRICH

Gentlemen, onward to the Club

Silhouette.

JANNINGS

Isn’t that a gay cabaret?

DIETRICH

You don’t have to be gay to enjoy it.

Lot’s of show business people will be

there.

INT. THE CLUB SILHOUETTE – NIGHT

The club is art deco with a brash Victorian bar of one piece of wood and mirrors, lavishly supplied with liquors.

On stage, a chorus line of DRAG QUEENS enter and begins a musical number.

Marlene Dietrich, Josef von Sternberg, Emil Jannings, Kur Gerron, and Hans Albers enter.

DR. MAGNUS HIRSCHFELD and his partner GEORGE wave to Dietrich inviting her and her party to join them. Hirschfeld calls to a waiter to move another table together with his own so that all may be seated together.

Ad-lib: Dietrich introduces Dr. Hirschfeld to everyone in her party and they to him.

No sooner are they seated, the sounds of a marching army emanate from outside. They are the NAZI BROWN SHIRTS who march to the tune of the “Horst Wessel” which they sing.

They halt and stop singing in front of the Club Silhouette. Next, with homophobic curses they hurl rocks through the windows of the club. Glass shatters. The crowd in the club is paralyzed into silent fear.

Outside the Brown Shirts come to order and march forward, again, singing the “Horst Wessl.”

The Club Silhouette crowd are relieved.

Hirschfeld speaks his mind.

HIRSCHFELD

Luckily, no one was injured.

But when the Nazis take over –

which I fear is inevitable –

gays and Jews will be

annihiliated. And I am both.

ALBERS

You really think these fascist

idiots can take over a modern

nation like Germany?

HIRSCHFELD

It is because we dismiss them

as idiots that we don’t see

the power they have, and so

there is a surge in their

followers.

GERRON

I am also a Jew and I can smell their

takeover coming. And these Nazi scum

call themselves the Master Race! Many

Jewish leaders are saying it is time

for us to go to Palestine.

HIRSCHFELD

I am going there to visit next year.

I am not religious but I want to see

the land of our heritage. But. I am skeptical of this Zionist philosophy

of return. There are Arabs there who

don’t want us in Palestine even though

Jews have lived in Palestine since

before the land was first called

Palestine by the Romans. They are

killing us there. There are even

pro-Nazi Arabs here in Germany who

will reinforce Jew-hatred when they

return home.

ALBERS

In that case, where can anyone go?

I am not Jewish, but to the Nazis

I am a traitor to the Aryan race

because the love of my life is Jewish.

GERRON

I didn’t realize that Hansi is Jewish.

JANNINGS

This effects me too. My mother was

Born in Russia of Jewish origin.

DIETRICH

You overlook one thing! If by some

remote chance they did take power, they

would have to stop their crazy racial

hatred. The German people would not

stand for it. They Nazis would have to

change their message.

HIRSCHFELD

You are mistaken, Marlene. The German

people have allowed the Nazi movement

to grow despite Hitler’s imprisonment

where he wrote “Mein Kampf” There are

more Germans who have read his book and

are persuaded to his views than there

are Germans repulsed by it. My advice

to all of you is flee Germany before

they take power

ALBERS

I can’t live in any other country

but Germany – bad as it may become.

HIRSCHFELD

Are you willing to send Hansi abroad

for her own safety?

Albers does not answer.

JANNINGS

Like Hans, I don’t think I could

live anywhere else but Germany but

how do I survive the Nazis?

HIRSCHFELD

For one thing, don’t talk about your

Jewish mother. You and Hans are actors, appear in Nazi films.

JANNINGS

In other words, hide from the Nazis in

the open?

GERRON

How far do you go in cooperating with

an enemy in order to save your life and the lives

of your family? What is morally permissible? I know a great Rabbi, I will ask him.

STERNBERG

Well, as a Jew, I am glad I can get

out of Germany and go home to America,

to Hollywood.

DIETRICH

Take me with you.

STERNBERG

If Rudi permits.

DIETRICH

(to Hirschfeld)

Rudi’s my husband.

STERNBERG

We can find work for Rudi

in Hollywood as an Assistant

Director.

The music strikes up again

M. C.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

the one and only Benny Brody.

Benny Brod, a Jewish comedian, enters.

BROD

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Did you hear this one? Hitler met

Jesus Christ. He asked Jesus, “Tell

me: How did you feed 5,000 people

with just five loaves and two fish?”

Jesus said to Hitler, “First, you tell

me: How did you make a the whole

German nation drunk without alcohol?”

GERRON

(to Brod, so that the

whole audience can hear)

Well said, Benny! The Nazis are the

scum of the earth.

BROD

Well said, Kurt! But from here on

just remember, I did not write you

into my schtick. Stick to Marlene

and “The Blue Angel.”

Some laughter.

JANNINGS

Impossible. I am the one who is

already stuck with Marlene Dietrich.

Because she is stuck to the director.

Some laughter and applause.

FADE OUT.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITHS OPENING SCENE IS IRRESISTIBLE

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

I learned that there is a highly useful criterion and rules for killer openings.

My choice of opening is a set up/twist opening combined with a contrast and action opening. What follows is the initial outline, then the scene.

Documentary footage of the Allies fighting the German Army.

EXT. A US ARMY BASE AMPHITHEATRE – DAY

Thousands of TROOPS in the audience.

MARLENE DIETRICH is at the microphone. Her show is already in progress. She tells the troops, “Hey, guys! Give those Nazis the licking they deserve!”

The Troops applaud.

Marlene Dietrich says, “Here is my song from “The Blue Angel”

Dietrich begins to sing “Falling in Love again.”

The troops applaud as the song begins.

Her song continues AS background for the following actions.

General Eisenhower (VO) announces:

EISENHOWER (VO)

“From General Order One-zero-six-seven:

“Denazification: All who have rendered public

support to the Nazi Party shall be barred from

public appearances.”

Dietrich’s song fades and ends.

EMIL JANNINGS appears at the US Headquarters Berlin, waving his Oscar statuette yelling to the guards: “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

He tells the guards he wants to revive his acting career but the guards tell him he must be vetted and perhaps denazified.

Jannings proceeds to an interview with Major Kent Kershaw who is a fan but sticks to the business at hand. He tells and asks why did Jannings act in Nazi propaganda films. He tells Jannings that if his answers are not satisfactory, denazification would be required which would, in effect, kill all chances of reviving his acting to career. To answer Kershaw’s question, he tells of events during the production of “The Blue Angel.”

DOCUMENTARY FOOTAGE: US TROOPS BATTLE GERMAN TROOPS IN EASTERN FRANCE.

RADIO NEWSCASTER (VO)

While our Army advances over the Rhine River

into Germany, movie star and singer

Marlene Dietrich, herself of German and now

An American citizen does her share for the war effort as she entertains our troops.

EXT. AN ARMY BASE AMPHITHEATRE – NIGHT

A USO entertainment show for the US troops on the European front. MARLENE DIETRICH is at the microphone.

DIETRICH

Hey, guys! Give those Nazis the licking they deserve!

TROOPS hoot and applaud.

DIETRICH (CONT’D)

I became an American citizen,

you know.

Troops applaud.

DIETRICH (CONT’D)

I am going to sing to you a song

from “The Blue Angel” in which

I appeared with Emil Jannings.

Troops boo at the mention of Jannings.

DIETRICH

No, don’t do that. I asked him

to leave Germany with me and come

to America. I suppose he had his

reasons to not leave. But.

He might have been up here on stage

with me now. Instead of

hiding out somewhere in Berlin.

First, from the Nazis, now from

The Russians. He was a great actor

who won the first Oscar for Best Actor.

But enjoy the song from our film.

Dietrich sings “Falling in Love Again” continuously, it is background music until noted below.

GENERAL EISENHOWER (VO)

“From Joint Chief’s Order One-zero-six-seven:

“Denazification: All who have rendered

public support to the Nazi Party shall be barred from public appearances.”

Dietrich’s song fades and ends.

EXT. POST WORLD WAR 2 BERLIN U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Super: BERLIN – AMERICAN SECTOR – AUGUST, 1945

Letters on the building spell, U. S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS

MILITARY POLICE (M. P.’S) are on guard duty at the kiosk at the gate.

The figure of a man emerges from the surrounding rubble, walking toward the M. P.’s. He is EMIL JANNINGS, age 60. He carries an Oscar statuette.

The M. P.’s put their rifles at the ready to aim and shoot.

M. P. #1

Halt! Who goes there?

JANNINGS

(brandishing his Oscar statuette)

Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!

I won an Oscar.

The M.P.’s ease up and cross to Jannings.

JANNINGS (CONT’D)

Thank you, officers. I am Emil

Jannings.

M. P. #1

The actor?

JANNINGS

(reading from the Oscar)

“Best Actor,’ 1929 for “Last

Command” and “The Way of All

Flesh.”

M, P. #2

We need to see your papers.

JANNINGS

The Russians bombed Berlin back

into the Stone Age and you want

papers! Well, I have no papers!

I had hoped the Oscar would suffice

to confirm my identity.

M. P. #1

Of course it does. Why have you

come here?

JANNINGS

Isn’t it obvious? Why else do

people appeal to America? For

freedom! I have an acting career

to revive.

M. P. #2

He needs to be vetted.

JANNINGS

“Vetted”?

M, P. #2

Yes, you may need to be

denazified.

JANNINGS

Me? Denazified?

M. P. #1

Yes, you have to speak

with Major Kershaw.

JANNINGS

Major Kershaw?

M, P. #2

Major Kent Kershaw. He is

our Security Officer.

M. P #2 escorts Jannings through the gate and up to the front door of headquarters. They enter.

INT. U. S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – OFFICE – DAY

Jannings is seated at the desk of Major Kent Kershaw, whose name and rank are on a name plate facing Jannings as does KERSHAW himself, seated at his desk.

Jannings has placed his Oscar on the Major’s desk.

Kershaw has a dossier file on Jannings open before him.

JANNINGS

It seems you already know more

about me than I know.

KERSHAW

Speaking personally, it’s an honor

to meet you, Mr. Jannings. “The

Blue Angel” is one of my favorite

movies. Your performance as the

professor was superb. I am

surprised you did not win an Oscar

for it.

JANNINGS

I am surprised an Oscar didn’t go

to Marlene Dietrich’s legs.

Both have short laugh.

KERSHAW

I’d like to know about the making

of “The Blue Angel.” But we have

business to discuss here.

I understand You want to live here in the American Sector.

JANNINGS

Yes, sir. East Berlin is a

Russian-dominated Hell Hole. I also

want to revive my acting career.

In fact, I may want to go back to

America. I lived in Hollywood, you

know.

KERSHAW

Well aware. However, before we can

give you these privileges, you have

to appear before the Commission. I

will advocate for you as best I can,

but you must explain, how did an

actor – a man of your stature – allow

himself to be used by the Nazis in

propaganda films.

JANNINGS

That’s easy. I did it in order to

survive. Had I refused, the Gestapo

would have carted me off to

God-knows-where.

KERSHAW

Fear.

JANNINGS

All Germans who weren’t Nazis were

living in fear. Now I am sixty years

old. I put up with twelve years under Hitler. I do not want to live in the

Soviet Sector for the rest of my life

under Stalin.

KERSHAW

Tell me about it. The Commission must

be satisfied that you do not need

denazifiation.

JANNINGS

What would de-nazifiqion entail?

KERSHAW

You could not make any more public appearance.

JANNINGS

You would end my acting career? But

it’s all that I live for. How can you

denazify me? I never was a Nazi!

KERSHAW

That is what you must demonstrate

to the Commission: how it happened

that you were used by the Nazis. But

first, I need to hear your story.

JANNINGS

Well, I’ll tell it as best as I can

remember. You’ll be pleased to know

my story goes back to the time of

the making of “The Blue Angel.” It

was 1929. Your Stock Market crash was devatating to Germany. Nazi Party

membership soared. I experienced the violence of the Stormtroopers, first

hand. It was on an evening, early in

the production, when Marlene Dietrich

took us all out to a night on the town. Marlene incited me even though we did

not get along.

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL – NIGHT

The crew has left.

Cast members linger, seated in a circle with director, JOSEF von STERNBERG. The are: Emil Jannings, KURT GERRON, and HANS ALBERS.

Jannings introduces each person as the camera pans and stops at each person mentioned.

JANNINGS (V.O.)

(continuing his story

to Kershaw)

There were Kurt Gerron, and director

Josef von Sternberg. Even Hans

Albers was there. His scenes were not scheduled to be shot, as yet. But

Hans would visit the set just to be

of support to his fellow actors. Hans

was an actor’s actor.

Marlene Dietrich enters.

Dietrich is dressed in characteristic tuxedo, tails, top hat. She smokes.

JANNINGS

Marlene, why are you dressed like that.

DIETRICH

It’s the only way a gentlemen should dress.

JANNINGS

What’s the ocassion?

DIETRICH

I am so thrilled to be playing the

part of the showgirl Lola Lola and

working with all of you, that I’d

like to take all of you out on the

town, and show you “the Berlin of

Lola Lola.”

JANNINGS

You mean “the Berlin of Miss Dietrich.”

DIETRICH

“Miaa Dietrich”! “Miss Dietrich”!

You all have my permission to call

me “Marlene.” I can ‘t stand the

formality. I am taking you out and

it is my treat because it is my first

leading role in a motion picture that

is the first “talkie” in Germany.

STERNBERG

Simultaneiously filmed in English for

the world to see you, my dear.

JANNINGS

You have a leading role, Marlene, but

as the star of “The Blue Angel,” I am

the one who should provide such largess

to the rest of the company and for you.

STERNBERG

Emil. Let Marlene provide largess. She

will soon be a star after “The Blue Angel.” I am taking Marlene back to Hollywood, to Paramount.

JANNINGS

But I am the star of “The Blue Angel.”

STERNBERG

No need to be defensive, Emil.

DIETRICH

(to Jannings)

And it is an honor to share the screen with you.

JANNINGS

Just don’t shove me off the screen.

DIETRICH

Of course, you are the star, Emil.

Allow me to host the star for a night

of fun.

GERRON

It is too much for any one person.

I suggest separate checks. And we

all pitch in to pay for Miss – uh,

for Marlene.

DIETRICH

I wont hear of it. My treat.

All ad-lib their thanks.

STERNBERG

Remember, Marlene. Watch what

you eat. You still need to lose

a few pounds.

DIETRICH

I plan to exclude Schwarzwald

Kirchtorte and continue my training

at Mahir Sabri’s Boxing Studio.

ALBERS

Sabri? The Turkish Boxing Champion?

DIETRICH

Yes, would you like to meet him? Or e

even join the studio to shed a few pounds?

JANNINGS

I have already taken off forty pounds.

DIETRICH

Time to lose next forty.

Jannings is not amused.

DIETRICH (CONT’D)

I’m only kidding, Emil.

DIETRICH

Anyway, I’ll get literature about his

studio for all of you. But for tonight,

It’s Club Silhouette! That’s where you’ll meet “the Einstein of Sex.”

GERRON

Who is that?

DIETRICH

Dr. Magnes Hirschfeld.

JANNINGS

(wryly)

I thought “the Einstein

Of Sex” was you, Marlene.

DIETRICH

I’ll take that as a compliment.

Emil, think of how the

straight-laced character you play –

Professor Rath – would regard Dr. Hirschfeld and the Club Sllhouette.

STERNBERG

That’s a good suggestion.

(to Jannings)

Take it as coming from the

Director, Emil.

JANNINGS

I have had years of experience.

I know how an actor prepares.

DIETRICH

Gentlemen, onward to the Club

Silhouette.

JANNINGS

Isn’t that a gay cabaret?

DIETRICH

You don’t have to be gay to enjoy it.

Lot’s of show business people will be

there.

INT. THE CLUB SILHOUETTE – NIGHT

The club is art deco with a brash Victorian bar of one piece of wood and mirrors, lavishly supplied with liquors.

On stage, a chorus line of DRAG QUEENS enter and begins a musical number.

Marlene Dietrich, Josef von Sternberg, Emil Jannings, Kur Gerron, and Hands Albers enter.

DR. MAGNUS HIRSCHFELD and his partner GEORGE wave to Dietrich inviting her and her party to join them. Hirschfeld calls to a waiter to move another table together with his own so that all may be seated together.

Dietrich introduces Dr. Hirschfeld to everyone in her pary, and they are seated, there is, emanating from the street outside

No sooner are they seated, are the sounds of a marching army. They are the NAZI BROWN SHIRTS who keep march to the une of the “Horst Wessel” which they sing.

They halt and stop singing in front of the Club Silhouette. Next, with homophobic curses they hurl rocks through the wiinds of the club. Glass shatters. The crowd in the club is paralyzed into silent fear.

Outside the Brown Shirts come to order and march forwar, again, sining th “Horst Wessl.”

The Club Silhouette crowd are relieved.

Hirschfeld speaks his mind.

NOTE: THIS IS PAGE 10

HIRSCHFELD

Luckily, no one was injured.

But when the Nazis take over –

which I fear is inevitable –

gays and Jews will be

annihiliated. And I am both.

ALBERS

You really think these fascist

idiots can take over a modern

nation like Germany?

HIRSCHFELD

It is because we dismiss them

as idiots that we don’t see

The power they have, and so

There is a surge in their

Followers.

GERRON

I am also a Jew and I can smell their

takeover coming. And these Nazi scum

call themselves the Master Race! Many

Jewish leaders are saying it is time

for us to go to Palestine.

HIRSCHFELD

I am going there to visit next year.

I am not religious but I want to see

the land of our heritage. But. I am skeptical of this Zionist philosophy

of return. There are Arabs there who don’t want us in Palestine even though Jews have lived in Palestine since before the land

was first called Palestine by the Romans. They are killing us there. There are even

pro-Nazi Arabs here in Germany who will reinforce Jew-hatred when they return home. .

ALBERS

In that case, where can anyone go?

I am not Jewish, but to the Nazis

I am a traitor to the Aryan race

because the love of my life is Jewish.

GERRON

I didn’t realize that Hansi is Jewish.

JANNINGS

This effects me too. My mother was born

in Russia and is of Jewish origin.

DIETRICH

You overlook one thing! If by some

remote chance they did take power, they

would have to stop their crazy racial

hatred. The German people would not

stand for it. They would have to change

their message.

HIRSCHFELD

You are mistaken, Marlene. The German

people have allowed the Nazi movement

to grow despite Hitler’s imprisonment

where he wrote “Mein Kampf” There are

more Germans who have read his book and

and are persuaded to his views than

there are Germans repulsed by it. My

advice to all of you is flee Germany

before they take power

ALBERS

I can’t live in any other country

but Germany – bad as it may become.

HIRSCHFELD

Are you willing to send Hansi abroad

for her own safety?

Albers does not answer.

JANNINGS

Like Hans, I don’t think I could

live anywhere else but Germany but

how do I survive the Nazis? My mother

is of Jewish origin.

HIRSCHFELD

For one thing, don’t talk about your

Jewish mother. You and Hans are actors, appear in a Nazi films.

JANNINGS

In other words, hide from the Nazis in

the open?

GERRON

How far do you go in cooperating with

an enemy in order tO save your life and

those of your family? What is morally permissible? I know a great Rabbi, I will ask him?

STERNBERG

Well, as a Jew, I am glad I can get

out of Germany and go home to America, to Hollywood.

DIETRICH

Take me with you.

STERNBERG

If Rudi permits.

DIETRICH

(to Hirschfeld)

Rudi’s my husband.

STERNBERG

We can find work for Rudi

in Hollywood as an Assistant

Director.

The music strikes up again

On stage, an M. D. enters.

M. C.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

the one and only Benny Brody.

Benny Brody, a Jewish comedian, enters.

BROD

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Did you hear this one? Hitler met

Jesus Christ. He asked Christ, “Tell

me: How did you feed 5,000 people

with just five loaves and two fish?”

Christ said to Hitler, “First, you tell

me: How did you make a the whole

German nation drunk without alcohol?”

GERRON

(to Brod, so that the

Whole audience can hear)

Well said, Benny! The Nazis are the

scum of the earth.

BROD

Well said, Kurt! But from here on

just remember, I did not write you

into my schtick. Stick to Marlene

Dietrich and “The Blue Angel.”

Some laughter.

JANNINGS

Impossible. I am the one who is

already stuck with Marlene Dietrich.

Because she is stuck to the director.

Some laughter and applause.

FADE OUT.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH OPENINGS!

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

That brainstorming is the key to coming up with creative screenwriting. I found myself attracted to combining the brainstorms of a number of the categories of openings together.

My script is “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of “The Blue Angel”

LOGLINE: The ultimate lives and fates of the feuding lead actors of “The Blue Angel” (Marlene Dietrich and Emil Jannings) follow a trajectory of success and ruin that parallels their characters in the film.

With this in mind here are the openings I have brainstormed, eventually the opening I”ll go with is a combination.

1. Instant Conflict Opening.

Documentary footage of the Allies fighting the German Army. Images of the surrender of Berlin.

Iconic footage of the blowing up of the huge Swastika above the Zepelinfeld Stadium.

General Eisenhower (V.O.) announces: “From General Order 1067: “Denazification: All who have rendered public support to the Nazi Party shall be barred from public appearances.”

2. Contrast Opening:

A USO entertainment show for the US troops on the European front. MARLENE DIETRICH is at the microphone. She tells the troops, “Hey, guys! Give those Nazis the licking they deserve!”

The Troops applaud.

Marlene Dietrich says, “Here is my song from “The Blue Angel” Dietrich begins to sing “Falling in Love again.” The troops applaud as the song begins. Her song continues over the following actions.

General Eisenhower (VO) announces: “From General Order 1067: “Denazification: All who have rendered public support to the Nazi Party shall be barred from public appearances.”

Dietrich’s song fades and ends.

EMIL JANNINGS appears at the US Headquarters Berlin, waving his Oscar statuette yelling to the guards: “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

He tells the guards he wants to revive his acting career but the guards tell him he must be vetted and perhaps denazified.

4. The Set up// twist opening.

Emil Janning appears at the US Headquarters Berlin, waving his Oscar statuette yelling to the guards: “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

He tells the guards he wants to revive his acting career but the guards tell him he must be vetted and perhaps denazified.

7. The Action Opening:

Documentary footage of the Allies fighting the German Army. Images of the surrender of Berlin.

General Eisenhower (VO) announces: “From General Order 1067: “Denazification: All who have rendered public support to the Nazi Party shall be barred from public appearances.”

8. Plunge us deep into a unique world.

Jannings and Dietrich are just off the set of “The Blue Angel” and they agree to patch things up between them in order to make a great motion picture.

9. Intriguing scene from another place in the movie.

The gay cabaret Club Silouette being attacked by Nazi brownshirts. Dr. Magnes Hirschfeld predicts an eventual Nazi take over. We see Jannings disturbed by the prospects.

Opening titles. Title: Fifteen Years later. Berlin 1945. Proceed with Jannings approaching American Army Headquarters waving his Oscar Statuette shouting to the guards, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

My choice of opening is a set up/twist opening combined with a contrast and action opening.

Documentary footage of the Allies fighting the German Army.

A USO entertainment show for the US troops on the European front. MARLENE DIETRICH is at the microphone. She tells the troops, “Hey, guys! Give those Nazis the licking they deserve!”

The Troops applaud.

Marlene Dietrich says, “Here is my song from “The Blue Angel” Dietrich begins to sing “Falling in Love again.” The troops applaud as the song begins. Her song continues over the following actions.

General Eisenhower (VO) announces: “From General Order 1067: “Denazification: All who have rendered public support to the Nazi Party shall be barred from public appearances.”

Dietrich’s song fades and ends.

EMIL JANNINGS appears at the US Headquarters Berlin, waving his Oscar statuette yelling to the guards: “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

He tells the guards he wants to revive his acting career but the guards tell him he must be vetted and perhaps denazified.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH LOVES THIS OPENING

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

AGAIN: FOLLOW THE MASTERS. STUDY THE MASTERPIECES.

Pages 3 – 5 of Casablanca’s opening.

JAN and ANNINA BRANDEL, a very young and attractive refugeecouple from Bulgaria, watch as the civilian passes. They’ve been thrust by circumstances from a simple country life into an unfamiliar and hectic world.

NOTE: This is an intro of a refugee couple who will factor later in the story. It also demonstrates the desperation of refugees and foreigners to get out of Casablanca.

A shot RINGS out, and the man falls to the ground. Above him, painted on the wall, is a large poster of Marshal Petain, which reads: “Je tiens mes promesses, meme celles des autres.”

The policeman frantically searches the body, but only finds Free French literature.

NOTE: This is the twist. There is not only desperate waiting but also crimes of desperation and the corruption and brutality of the police.

CUT TO:EXT. PALAIS DE JUSTICE – DAY

We see an inscription carved in a marble block along the roofline of the building: “Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite”

We see the the facade, French in architecture, then the high-vaulted entrance which is inscribed “Palais de Justice”.

At the entrance the arrested suspects are led in by thepolice.

CUT TO:

EXT. SIDEWALK CAFE – DAY

A middle-aged ENGLISH COUPLE sit at a table just off thesquare, and observe the commotion across the way in front ofthe Palais de Justice. The police van pulls up. The rear doors are opened and people stream out.

A EUROPEAN man, sitting at a table nearby, watches the English couple more closely than the scene on the street.

ENGLISHWOMAN

What on earth’s going on there?

ENGLISHMAN

I don’t know, my dear.

The European walks over to the couple.

EUROPEAN

Pardon, pardon, Monsieur, pardon

4.

Madame, have you not heard?

ENGLISHMAN

We hear very little, and we

understand even less.

EUROPEAN

Two German couriers were found murdered in the desert… the unoccupied desert. This is the customary roundup of refugees, liberals, and uh, of course, a beautiful young girl for Monsieur Renault, the Prefect of Police.

CUT TO:

EXT. PALAIS DE JUSTICE – DAY

Suspects are herded out of the van, and into the Palais de Justice.

CUT TO:

EXT. SIDEWALK CAFE – DAY

EUROPEAN

Unfortunately, along with

these unhappy refugees the

scum of Europe has gravitated to Casablanca. Some of them have

been waiting years for a visa.

He puts his left arm compassionately around the Englishman,and reaches behind the man with his right hand.

EUROPEAN

I beg of you, Monsieur, watch

yourself. Be on guard. This place

is full of vultures, vultures everywhere, everywhere.

The Englishman seems to be taken a back by this sudden display of concern.

ENGLISHMAN

Ha, ha, thank you, thank you

very much.

EUROPEAN

Not at all. Au revoir, Monsieur. Au revoir, Madame.

He leaves. The Englishman, still a trifle disconcerted by

5.

the European’s action, watches him as he leaves.

ENGLISHMAN

Au revoir. Amusing little

fellow. Waiter!

As he pats both his breast and pants pockets he realizes there is something missing.

ENGLISHMAN

Oh. How silly of me.

ENGLISHWOMAN

What, dear?

ENGLISHMAN

I’ve left my wallet in the hotel.

ENGLISHWOMAN

Oh.

Suddenly the Englishman looks off in the direction of the departed European, the clouds of suspicion gathering.

NOTE: This humorous incident is also a TWIST or part of the overall twist that Casablanca is a dangerous place of corruption and crime.

Interrupting overhead is the DRONE of a low flying airplane.They look up.

CUT TO:

EXT. OVERHEAD SHOT – DAY

An airplane cuts its motor for landing.

CUT TO:

EXT. PALAIS DE JUSTICE – DAY

Refugees wait in line outside the Palais de Justice. Their upturned gaze follows the flight of the plane. In their faces is revealed one hope they all have in common, and the plane is the symbol of that hope.

Jan and Annina look up at the plane.

ANNINA

(wistfully)

Perhaps tomorrow we’ll be on that plane.

NOTE: The major twist that sets the scene: In this city of corruption, desperation, and crime, escape (symbolized by the plane).

Also, what makes the opening great: The audience is situated in the world of war and refugees as well as murder and intrigue. Right away, there is nothing dull about this opening. The background and context, the actions so far, set a scene of desperation and hope. Likewise, who murdered the couriers is a mystery soon to be solved but it also grabs me.

In the next few pages is the arrival of the menacing Major Strasser of the Third Reich who turns the focus and propels the story to Rick’s Café Americain and Rick himself.

As far as by page 10 is concerned: Although Ilse and Viktor Laszlo have not entered yet, the question is raised: How can one escape this trap of despair, who will finally own those letters of transit stolen by the murderers of the German couriers?

[Robert Smith]

DAY 8 BOB SMITHS AMAZING FINAL LINE

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

There are different types of endings and it is important to pick one that fits the story you tell with surprising but inevitable wallop. However, the last line/image is the film.

ASSIGNMENT

1. Brainstorm was to do each of the following with your story. And if you have to change your entire third act to do each of them. Why? Because it might just give you the amaing ending you hope for.

A. Directly answer the main question the entire movie is about:

Will acclaimed German actor Emil Jannings be able to revive his acting career in post-war Germany or will he have to be denazified which will end his dream of doing so?

B. Finally, we hear the one thing that the character wouoldn’t say in the movie.

Yes, I did campaign for the Nazi Party in 1938, because I feared reprisals if I had refused. It was another way of protecting myself and my loved ones from Nazi persecution by hiding in the open – the same reason I appeared in Nazi propaganda films. And. Yes, I did accept the honorary title Artist of the Sate for the same reason. And yes. It was my fear of the oppressor that motivated e to collaborate with him.

C. Solve the puzzle.

Does not apply except as in B (above).

2. Select the best final line/image and write the final scene.

INT. MAJOR KERSHAW’S OFFICE –DAY

Emil Jannings has completed his explanation of his story and adds.

JANNINGS

So. Yes. I did appear in Nazi propaganda films

because I feared reprisals against myself and

my loved ones if I had refused. I was not the only

actor who did that. But nobody was ever harmed

by my choice.

KERSHAW

You followed the guidance that the Rabbi gave

to Gerron. Harm-free collaboration.

JANNINGS

Precisely. So, if you want me to undergo denazification

I ask you this: Kurt Gerron made a propaganda film

for Hitler to save his life. But. It didn’t save him or his

family. If Kurt had survived Auschwitz, would you subject

him, a Jew, to denazification?

KERSHAW

Gerron was at Thereisenstadt under the guns of the guard

Towers. You were not.

JANNNGS

But I was afraid that I too and my family may also end

up under the guard towers of some concentration camp if I

refused to act in these projects of Goebbels.

KERSHAW

Fear.

JANNINGS

Fear.

KERSHAW

But there is something else in your dossier that

puzzles me. You campaigned for the

Nazi Party in the Reichstag elections of 1938.

I can understand acting in the oppressor’s films, but

campaigning that the oppressor’s party can have

more power…? And in the same year as Kristalnacht?

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. THE MEETING ROOM OF THE COMMISSION – DAY

This is the hearing for the Commission to determine if Jannings needs denazification.

In the center of a lonh table in the front of the room is six commission members are seated. The Presiding Officer of the Commission is GENERAL HOWE. The only other speaking part among the Commission members is COLONEL BRYANT, who is seated to the far left of Howe at the end of the table.

Jannings and Kershaw are seated at a smaller table in the center of the room.

A court stenographer is seated and recording the proceedings at a separate desk.

Also present is Jannings’ wife, Gussie Holl.

There are a few other observers.

This is a seemless transition from the conversation between Jannings and Kershaw to Jannings addressing the Commission.

JANNINGS

Yes, I did campaign for the Nazi Party in 1938, because

I feared reprisals if I had refused. It was another way of

protecting myself and my loved ones from Nazi

persecution by hiding in the open – the same reason I

appeared in Nazi propaganda films. And. Yes, I did

accept the honorary title Artist of the Sate for the same

reason. It was my fear of the oppressor that motivated

me to collaborate with him.

KERSHAW

Which one of us can be so sure we would not have

done likewise?

COLONEL BRYANT

Objection. Hypothetical.

GENERAL HOWE

Colonel Bryant, this is not a trial but a hearing. Major

Kershaw. do you or your client have anything further

To add?

JANNINGS

Except to say, General Howe, that I should be

profoundly grateful if the Commission would

please exempt me from denazification. It is my

dream to revive my acting career and restore it to

the stature it had at the time when I was awarded

the Oscar and when I appeared in “The Blue Angel”

which was my last picture before Germany went

insane.

KERSHAW

I have nothing to add except to ask, your honors,

to listen with humanity to the spiritual crisis my

client underwent, living in the extraordinary fearful

climate created by the most cruel tyranny

in history.

GENERAL HOWE

Thank you, Major Kershaw and Mr. Jannings. The

Commission has studied the dossier and we understand

your defense. However, it gives me no pleasure to say

that this Commission, to a man, does not see a cause to

exempt Mr. Jannings from denazification. His spiritual

crisis not withstanding, Mr. Jannings publicly appeared

as a high profile supporter of the Third Reich, who was

awarded the title of Artist of the State. It is the position

of this Commission that Mr. Jannings be assigned to

denazification and no longer make public appearances

either on the stage or screen. This hearing is now

concluded

General Howe raps his gavel and lays it on the table.

The Commission members rise, Jannings and Kershaw, Gussie, and all present rise.

The Commission members walk almost ceremoniously, single file out of the room through a side door, exit.

Gussie crosses to Jannings. They hug and lovingly kiss.

Jannings sits removes his Oscar statuette from his brief case. He sits and clutches his Oscar in a manner similar to the ruined professor he portrayed in “The Blue Angel,” who dies clutching his teacher’s desk. He is ruined.

GUSSIE

Dear, you have made a legacy for yourself as a great

actor. You have your Oscar.

KERSHAW:

(warmly supportive)

And you will always have your superb acting as the professor in “The Blue Angel.”

The camera dollies out.

FADE OUT.

BLANK SCREEN.

SFX MUSIC; Dietrich singing “Falling in Love Again.”

Title:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He became a devout Roman Catholic. In 1950, he died of liver cancer at age 65. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Title:

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures until they dissolved their partnership in 1935.

Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism. She became an American citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched in victory against the German Army.

THE END

END CREDITS.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITHS COMPLETED THIRD ACT

I welcome exchange of feedback.

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…?

The attention to setup and payoff at the end requires the most rigorous preparation.

SETUP:

ACT 1: Oscar-winning German actor, Emil Jannings, appeals to American security officer, Major Kent Kershaw that he seeks residence in the freedom of the American Sector of Divided post-war Berlin where he wants to revive his acting career. However, Major Kershaw, a fan, tells Janning that because he has appeared in Nazi propaganda films, he must effectively defend those involvements before a Security Commission, or they will assign Jannings to denazification which bans him from any stage or screen appearances, effectively ending his dream of reviving his acting career. As a fan, Kershaw would love to know about the making of “The Blue Angel” but as a security officer, he tells Jannings he will defend him before the Commission but asks him to explain his actions. Jannings says it began during the making of “The Blue Angel.” Jannings begins by retelling his experience during the making of “The Blue Angel,” his feud with newly-discovered Marlene Dietrich and conflict with director Josef von Sternberg and how on a night out, they and other cast-members (Kurt Gerron and Hans Albers) encountered an attack by Nazi Brown Shirts on the cabaret they were attending. This provoked the question among them What would they do to survive in Germany? Would they have to lend their talents to Nazi propaganda films in order to save their own lives and the lives of their families. What are the ethical and moral issues about such collaboration with an enemy? The questions are crucial: Gerron is Jewish and Jannings’ Russian-born mother is of Jewish origin.

While Jannings continues his feud with Dietrich and seeks support from Gerron and Albers, Gerron speaks to his Rabbi about the question of the ethics of cooperation with the enemy in order to save one’s own life. The Rabbi says that it is ethical as long as no lives are taken as a result. Meanwhile, Jannings is continually at odds with Dietrich and Sternberg. This comes to the breaking point when in a scene in which Jannings’ Professor-character strangles Dietrich’s unfaithful showgirl-character and actually injures her. Sternberg gets them to reconcile and partner-as-artists to make “The Blue Angel” a masterpiece. They do so, Dietrich’s does a riveting rendition of her signature song “Falling in Love Again” and Jannings does a moving scene as the Professor who was ruined by his infatuation with Dietrich’s showgirl, as he pathetically returns to his old school room and dies gripping his teacher’s desk. During a wrap party, Jannings takes Studio Chief Hugenberg aside and asks about his future. Hugenberg says his future would be in Nazi propaganda films. He returns to the company of Gerron and Albers. Gerron tells Jannings his Rabbis’ answer that collaboration is ethical in order to save your life as long as no other lives are taken. Dietrich encourages Jannings to leave German and come to America with Sternberg and herself.

ACT 2: Is a diversion in which Jannings says he will leave Germany. He returns to Hollywood and portrays Nazis in war movies, as well as a German opera director in the Marx Brothers’ “A Night at the Opera.” Then he falls in with Tinseltown’s biggest boozers (Lon Chaney, Jr. and Broderick Crawford). He is a passenger in the car when Crawford (at the wheel) is arrested for DWI. Crawford’s career soars to an Oscar, while Jannings’ flounders with more Nazi and other bad guy parts until he portrays a captured Nazi war criminal, Martin Borman and at the remarkable age of 80, he wins his second Oscar, 38 years after his first in 1929.

NARRATOR: We wish that was the story we could tell you, but what really happened is.

(The phone rings) and it’s Josef Goeebbels informing Jannings that they have a part for him to play, Bismarck. A montage follows of the posters of all of Jannings Nazi propaganda films and a closeup of Jannings in Bismarck makeup.

PLOT POINT 2 – Kershaw demands to know from Jannings (whom he will represent at the Hearing before the Commission), why he did it. Jannings reiterates his explanation that if he had refused he and his family might face Nazi arrest and incarceration.

CRISIS: But there is a further problem, surprisingly: Kershaw can understand fear as a motivator for Jannings to decide to act in Nazi propaganda films. However, in Jannings’ dossier Kershaw has discovered that Jannings had campaigned for the Nazi party in the Reichstag elections of 1938 and demands to know why? Janning explains he did so because of the same fear.

CLIMAX: The Commission rejects that explanation and assigns Jannings to denazification, effectively ending his dream of reviving his acting career.

RESOULUTION – FINAL PAGE – Jannings clutches his Oscar in a manner similar to the ruined professor he portrayed in “The Blue Angel,” who dies clutching his teacher’s desk. He is ruined.

FINAL LINE: KERSHAW: You will always have your superb acting as the professor in “The Blue Angel.”

SFX MUSIC; Dietrich singing “Falling in Love Again.”

Title: Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer at age 65. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Title: Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures until they dissolved their partnership in 1935. Dietrich condemned hitler and Nazism. She became an Amerian citizen and entertined the troops wven as they marched in victory against the German Army.

THE END

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITHS RULES

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

To have fun brainstorming the turning of exposition and news into action in order to end with a surprising but (big) inevitable ending.

RULE 5 Don’t go On-the nose

In the current ending Major Kershaw uses as his challenge against Jannings as interview. I will switch to a court setting presided over by the Commission that must make decisions over which German does and doesn’t need denazification. The final verdict, Jannings must be denazified, although Kershaw states that Jannings was not so much a stooge of Nazi propaganda, he was a victim of the criminal Nazi government because it made him fear for his life if he said no to what the Nazis demanded. Which one of us can judge Mr. Jannings until we have walked in his shoes and lived with fear. We don’t know what we would have done had we been in the same circumstances?

RULE 6. The climax of the movie must be set in the quintessential location for the conflict,

Brainstorm:

The original setting was in the office of Major Kent Kershaw, the intake officer of

those seeking asylum in the American Sector of Berlin. However, the logical location is in

the court of the Commission that makes final determinations of assigning denazification and whether it is necessary for such. So we end in a courtroom drama on a moral judgment Jannings’ defense that he was afraid not to let himself become a stooge of the Nazi government which he did by appearing in propaganda films and in campaigning for the Nazi party.

Another possibility: He is detained and the discussion is among other detainees who are guilty of actual crimes against humanity. However, the courtroom drama seems the logical way to handle Act 3.

RULE 7. Must keep us guessing until the very end.

I have already established the moral question at the beginning of the film (What did Jannings agree to appear in Nazi Propaganda films?) and that Jannings must face possible denazification which would halt the possibility of reviving his acting career. So what will happen to Jannings is always the yet-to-be answered question until the end.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITHS POWERFUL SETIUPS

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Powerful tools in creating a great ending and thereby a great script.

The current ending of “Moths Around a Flame” is that in spite of Emil Jannings’ plea to be admitted to Berlin’s American Sector and perhaps to go back to Hollywood to revive his acting career, he is denied his plea and ordered to undergo denazification which means he cannot pursue his acting career. It is an ironic tragedy because he ends up broken, just like the Professsor he played in “The Blue Angel.”

SET-UPS

BUILD HIS REPUTATION:

Jannings deplores the Nazis, also, he has a Russian born mother of Jewish origin which if discovered could subject her, him, and his family to the anti-Semitic Nuremburg Laws and the general antisemitism of the pro-Nazi German population. After much struggle of conscience and feeling at that time that his German accent excludes him from the new “Talkies” of Hollywood, Jannings decides that he would collaborate with the Nazis in making propaganda films as a way of hiding in the open from Nazi persecution and protecting is life and the lives of his family.

JUSTIFICATION FO THE FINAL ACTIONS

Kershaw imposing denazification upon Jannings is especially indicated when Kershaw is dissatisfied with Jannings’ excuse for campaigning for the Nazi Party as something he had to do because saying no to Goebbels could have been personally endangering to him and his family.

CAST DOUBT UPON THE SUCCESS OF THE FINAL ACTIONS

To hide in the open, not only did Jannings collaborate in the making of Nazi propaganda films, he also, at Goebbel’s request, campaign for the Nazi party in the Reichstag elections of 1938. This is in sspite of the warnings of his wife (Gussie Holl) that he could later be judged as a collaborator with the oppressor and suffer consequences in a future court because the Nazi rule will not last forever –most likely, she believes, it will be destroyed soon, and cites the weakening of Mussolini’s Fascist Regime in Italy.

DISCUSS THE FINAL ACTIONS OPENLY.

At the beginning of the story, American Army Major Kent Kershaw says to Jannings that he must prove he was not a Nazi or face Kershaw’s final action of having to assign Jannings to denazification. Kershaw understand he appeared in the films only because he was trying to hide in the open from Nazi persecution, but his campaigning for the Nazi Party in the 1938 elections and accepting from Goebbels the honorific of “Artist of the State” obviates denazification.

TWISTS THAT TAKE IT AWAY

Kurt Gerron (A fellow cast member of “The Blue Angel,” also collaborated with the Nazis when he made a propaganda film in Theiresendstad. Jannings says that as Gerron (a Jew) would not have been denazified, so he should ot be either.

ALTERNATE HOPE/FEAR.

(HOPE) Leni Riefenstahl, Hitler’s great propaganda film maker, was not subject to denazification, why should I, Jannings tells Kershaw.

(FEAR) Riefenstahl did not campaign for the Nazis and her film “Olympiad” showcased the African American Jesse Owens in defiance of Nazi racist theories. (So greater chance of Jannings being subjected to denazification.

CREATE AND PAYOFF EMOTIONAL SETUPS:

The screening of Jannings’ anti-Nazism is paid off with his impressive appeal to Kershaw. But the payoff to Jannings Understandably going too far as a collaborator also setsup the tragic ending of denazification about which even Kershaw is hesitant, as he has been a fan of the actor and wishes he did not have to impose denazificaion, but if he did not he would be derelict in his duty.

SUSPENSE AROUND THE OUTCOME:

The entire story is a flashback narrated to Kershaw by Jannings in his defense of his collaborative actions all of which began during the making of “The Blue Angel.”

The payoff doesn’t come until the end of the story when Kershaw imposes denazification upon Jannings which ruins his chances of reviving his acting career. In other words, paralleling the Professor’s tragic end in “The Blue Angel” is the tragic end of the actor who portrayed him, Emil Jannings.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S KICK ASS ENDINGS

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Creative ways to create different endings and even mixing and matching them.

THE ULTIMATE CONFRONTATION

After affirming to Miss Dietrich that he will go to America, Jannings receives a call from JOSEPH GOEBBELS to come to his office and sign on to make Nazi Propaganda films.

Jannings, instead of signing rants against Nazism. Says he is taking his family to America.

RETURN HOME ONLY IT IS DIFFERENT

After doing like Dietrich and becoming a US citizen and entertaining the troops even as they make war on Germany, Jannings returns to his country and it is different. Berlin is a bomb crater and Germans regard the great actor as a traitor. He returns to America, grateful that he had decided to leave Germany and to have had nothing to do with Nazism.

END WITH A FUTURE.

All through the first part of the film there is the temptation to reverse his decision of nor returning to Hollywood because his German accent doesn’t work for the new Talkies, but after reconciling with Dietrich she persuades him to go back to Hollywood and risk it.

MAJOR LAYER UNCOVERRED

A prop man on the set of “The Blue Angel” is revealed to be part of the German Resistance to Nazism, he helps Jannings escape from the Brown Shirts who come for him to beat him up for his anti-Nazism. He takes him through the sewers of Berlin to the American Embassy, where Jannings asks for political asylum which is granted for him and his family.

GOOD GUY WINS AFTER MUCH PAIN AND RISK.

A prop man on gthe set of “The Blue Angel” is revealed to be part of the German Resistance to Nazism, he helps Jannings escape from the Brown Shirts who come for him to beat him up for his anti-Nazism. He takes him through the sewers of Berlin to the American Embassy, where Jannings asks for political asylum which is granted for him and his family.

Now, back in Hollywood, Jannings is first cast in a Laurel and Hardy short as a German Professor, then as a heavy handed director of an Opera Company in the Marx Brothers’ “A Night at the Opera.”

Aside from comic roles that make fun of his German accent, he is now usually cast as a Nazi, which he detests.

Jannings’ begins to drink heavily and falls in with Tinseltown’s biggest boozers, Lon Chaney, Jr. and Broderick Crawford. He, Chaney, and the Brod go on a joy ride with the Brod at the wheel and they are pulled over by the LAPD. Crawford is charged with DWI but Crawford, Chaney, and Jannings are thrown into the LAPD drunk tank.

Crawford and Chaney’s careers rise. Chaney as the Wolfman becomes a famous filmland Monster. Crawford appears in “All the King’s Men” and wins an Oscar. Jannings career falters, but he decides to get it back on track by his off-screen life. Like his friend Marlene Dietrich, he becomes an American citizen. Then, he joins her to entertain the troops even as they march against Germany.

He returns to Hollywood and gets parts in films crowned in hia late seventies when he is cast i the title role of “Dr. Strangelove” in which he took one of three parts away from Peter Sellers, and gets a chance to decry continuing Nazism in the role and wins another Oscar. his first since 1930.

GREAT PROTAGONIST STRATEGY

This would be the previous actions of GOOD GUY WINS AFTER MUCH PAIN AND RISK with this addition: When Jannings returns to the USA, he becomes an anti-Nazi activist raising consciousness of bigotry and racism and the continuing repackaging and rebranding of Nazi propaganda in extremist groups of America.

[Robert Smith]

DAY 4 BOB SMITHS KICK ASS ENDINGS!

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

It is fun to brainstorm different endings – or anything – that could enrich the script.

1. The Ultimate Confrontation.

Emil Jannings is called into Goebbels office. He knows he will be conscripted to make

Nazi propaganda films. When Goebbels tells Jannings that the plan is to do away with the influence of that “degenerate Jewish Hollywood film making,” Jannings goes into a tirade against Goebbels, Hitler, and Nazism. Goebbels draws a pistol on him and tells him he is under arrest. Jannings wrestles Goebbels, grabs the gun and now trains it on Goebbels’ head while he keeps him under his knee, subdued in pain.. Goebbels gasps, “Where dide he learn to fight like that, in the war?” Jannings answers, “Even better, at sea, I was a sailor.’ Jannings compels Goebbels to swear that he will never report this iincident and accept his refusal to collaborate by appearing in Nazi propaganda films.

2. Return Home. Only it is Different.

Jannings had gone to Hollywood. Fifteen years later, in 1945, Jannings tells Dietrich, “Now that the war is over, Gussie (Mrs Jannings) and I are going home. To Germany. Would you join us?”

Dietrich says, “Home is a bombed out hellhole. There is no theatre or film industry.”

Jannings says, “Then come with us me and we could rebuild it.” Dietrich says, “I am now an American. Why don’t you join me?” Jannings declines, “I have to catch a train then a ship.”

Emil Jannings returns to Berlin after successfully reviving his film career, but it is no longer the Berlin he knew. It is a bombed out ruin. In front of the ruins of a movie theatre, he tells himself, “I must rebuild it, denazified.”

3. End with a Future.

From above: Jannings had gone to Hollywood with Dietrich and Sternberg. Fast forward to 1945. Jannings tells Dietrich, “Now that the war is over, Gussie (Mrs Jannings) and I are going home. To Germany. Would you join us? Dietrich says, “Home is a bombed out hellhole. There is no theatre or film industry.” Jannings says, “Then come home with us and we could rebuild it.” Dietrich says, “I am now an American. Why don’t you join me and stay here?” Jannings declines, “I have to catch a train then a ship.”

4. Major Layers Uncovered.

Early in the play. Gussie gave Jannings a Rosary. At the end, when he must be denazified, when he clutches the Oscar and has the Rosary in one hand. Maj. Kershaw, who must assign Jannings for denazification, notices it. Jannings explains that his wife gave it to him and now he plans to become a Roman Catholic. Kershaw says, “It is good to have a faith, keep it.” In the closing titles it is noted that Jannings did convert to Roman Catholicism.

5. Good Guy Wins after great pain and risk.

The elements of all the above are combined and the film ends with the movie theatre restored. On top of the marquee we see, “The Jannings Theatre.” And playing there is the film “Coming Home.”

6. Great Protagonist Strategy.

After stealing the pistol from Goebbels, the SS officers come to his apartment to arrest him. Jannings grumbles, “I should have known Goebbels wouldn’t keep his promise.”
When the SS breaks in, he shoots them with the pistol, screaming, “You will never take me into custody!” He jumps out of the window. Lands on the pavement below.” A passerby helps him get away. He climbs into the sewer and from there he eludes the SS. He goes to the American Embassy (there still was one in 1930) and asks for political asylum. It is granted.

[Robert Smith]

PS80 DAY 3 BOBS THREE ENDINGS JANUARY 14 2022

What I have learned by doing this assignment is…?

Valuable lesson in endings informing what sets up endings and helps set the scene for what I want to write. Notably, even though only one ending is historical (the tragic ending), in this I have learned how there is still some material from other endings that I can still include in my script.

THE HAPPY ENDING

(Totally unhistorical for my screenplay about the making of “The Blue Angel.”

Beginning of the 3^rd Act.

Emil Jannings accidentally (on purpose) injures Marlene Dietrich with whom he has had a feud.

Twist:

Director von Sternberg begs them to reconcile and partner for art in making “The Blue Angel” a great motion picture.

Marlene Dietrich does an outstanding final scene of singing “Falling in Love Again.”

Emil Jannings does an outstanding final scene as the ruined Professor who dies gripping his classroom desk.

Crisis:

. Emil Jannings is told by pro-Nazi studio chief Hugenberg to perform in Nazi Propaganda films as any further work in Hollywood is not going to happen because Jannings’ heavy German accent doesn’t work in Hollywood “talkies.” .

Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich chat at the Wrap Party. Both compliment each other for their outstanding performances. They reconcile. She invites Jannings to come to Hollywood. He tells her that he had already been excluded from talkies because of his heavy German accent.

She encourages him to come to Hollywood anyway, improve his English, and try again. She mentions others are coming to Hollywood, i.e., Peter Lorre, Conrad Veidt, Martin Kosleck- they have German accents. So, she encourages him, he should come to Hollywood.

Climax:

Jannings says to Dietrich that he will go to Hollywood. He does. And the film ends with a montage of film scenes in which he is playing German parts in American Films, that he could have played if he had come to Hollywood.

We see scenes of him in these films with Jannings in the role).

Again, with Dietrich and director von Sternberg, Jannings appears in

“Shanghai Express” as Herr Baum, who was actually to be portrayed by German actor, Gustav von Seyffertitz.

“A Night at the Opera” with the Marx Brothers as a heavy director of the New York Opera, Herman Gottlieb, actually, played by Sig Rumann..

“Dr. Srangelove” as Dr. Strangelove, reducing Peter Sellers part’s to only two.

Jannings meets his goal. Closing voice over says as much with short clips of these films (above) recreated but with Jannings in the designated roles.

THE TRAGIC ENDING

(Historical)

Beginning of the 3^rd Act.

Emil Jannings accidentally (on purpose) injures Marlene Dietrich with whom he has had a feud.

Twist:

Director von Sternberg begs them to reconcile and partner for art in making “The Blue Angel” a great motion picture.

Marlene Dietrich does an outstanding final scene of singing “Falling in Love Again.”

Emil Jannings does an outstanding final scene as the ruined Professor who dies gripping his classroom desk.

Crisis:

. Emil Jannings is told by pro-Nazi studio chief Hugenberg to perform in Nazi Propaganda films as any further work in Hollywood is not going to happen because Jannings’ heavy German accent doesn’t work in Hollywood “talkies.” .

Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich chat at the Wrap Party. Both compliment each other for their outstanding performances. They reconcile. She invites Jannings to come to Hollywood. He tells her that he had already been excluded from talkies because of his heavy German accent.

She encourages him to come to Hollywood anyway, improve his English, and try. Mentions ohers are coming to Hollywood, i.e., Peter Lorre, Conrad Veidt, Martin Kosleck- they have German accents. So she insists that he should come to Hollywood.

Climax:

Jannings says to Dietrich that he will not go to Hollywood. He wants to stay in Germany with his family but would make Nazi Propaganda films as a wide to hide in the open and protect himself and family, including his Russian-born Jewish mother. And the film ends with a montage of film scenes from the propaganda films with a voice over explanation of what they were.

Scene dissolves to the Office in which Jannings is trying to avoid denazification, but Major Kershaw pulls from his files a report that Jannings campaigned for the Nazi Party in the Reichstag elections in 1938. Which means, he must be denazified. Clutching his Oscar as his character in “The Blue Angel” clutched his classroom desk, Jannings laments that now because he can have no acting career – barred as he is from public appearances.

THE IRONIC ENDING

(Totally unhistorical for my screenplay about the making of “The Blue Angel.”

Beginning of the 3^rd Act.

Emil Jannings accidentally (on purpose) injures Marlene Dietrich with whom he has had a feud.

Twist:

Director von Sternberg begs them to reconcile and partner for art in making “The Blue Angel” a great motion picture.

Marlene Dietrich does an outstanding final scene of singing “Falling in Love Again.”

Emil Jannings does an outstanding final scene as the ruined Professor who dies gripping his classroom desk.

Crisis:

. Emil Jannings is told by pro-Nazi studio chief Hugenberg to perform in Nazi Propaganda films as any further work in Hollywood is not going to happen because Jannings’ heavy German accent doesn’t work in Hollywood “talkies.” .

Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich chat at the Wrap Party. Both compliment each other for their outstanding performances. They reconcile. She invites Jannings to come to Hollywood. He tells her that he had already been excluded from talkies because of his heavy German accent.

She encourages him to come to Hollywood anyway, improve his English, and try. Mentions

others are coming to Hollywood, i.e., Peter Lorre, Conrad Veidt, Martin Kosleck- they have German accents. So come he should come to Hollywood.

Climax:

Jannings says to Dietrich that he will go to Hollywood. He does. And the film ends with a montage of film scenes in which he is playing German parts in American Films, that he could have played if he had come to Hollywood.

We see scenes of him in these films with Jannings in the role).

Again, with Dietrich and director von Sternberg, Jannings appears in

“Shanghai Express” as Herr Baum, who was actually to be portrayed by German actor, Gustav von Seyffertitz.

“A Night at the Opera” with the Marx Brothers as a heavy director of the New York Opera, Herman Gottlieb, actually, played by Sig Rumann..

“Dr. Srangelove” as Dr. Strangelove, reducing Peter Sellers part’s to only two.

Jannings meets his goal. Closing voice over says as much with short clips of these films (above) recreated but with Jannings in the designated roles.

Then, we see Jannings with Broderick Crawford climbing out of their car drunk.

VOICE OVER

But Jannings made the mistake of

Acquiring a drinking – Broderick

Crawford. And one night the LAPD

Pulled the boozing buddies over.

And while Jannings evade arrest by

the Gestapo. he could not elude the

the drunk tank of the LAPD with Broderick

Crawfort. After that episode, Broderick Crawford

went on to television acclaim in “Highway Patrol,”

While Jannings couldn’t even get a role as a Nazi

in “The Dirty Dozen.”

We see Jannings begging a director on the set of the chateau in “The Dirty Dozen” amid other “Nazi Actors.”

Jannings meets his goal but blows it on a bender with Broderick Crawford.

[Robert Smith]

I welcome a critique exchange.

BOB SMITH’S KICK-ASS DIALOGUE

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

The application of skills in making dialogue colorful.

Characters and Traits of two lead characters:

Emil Jannings – Star of “The Blue Angel” playing the part of Professor Rath.

Jealous

Imperious

Fearful (of losing star status to Dietrich)

Immature

Marlene Dietrich – Actress playing the part of Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel.”

Ambitious

Subservient (to Director Josef von Sternberg, her lover and mentor)

Contemptuous (of lead actor, Emil Jannings)

People-skilled

SET UP: The Wrap Party at the conclusion of filming “The Blue Angel.” The last persons at the party are DIETRICH and JANNINGS who have had a feud but patched things up for the sake of the film. Their two concluding scenes (Dietrich – “Falling in Love Again” and Jannings’ tragic professor dying at his old school desk) were so profound.

DIALOGUE: Anticipatory Dialogue

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

The Wrap Party comes to an end. DIETRICH and JANNINGS who have had a feud but patched things up for the sake of the film now come together and speak.

DIETRICH

Emil, I congratulate you for your outstanding performance

as the Professor. Your last scene of the Professor dying

moved me to tears.

JANNINGS

Why, Marlene, thank you kindly. Well, your last scene, singing, “Falling in love again” was so elating and definitive of Lola Lola’s character, I believe it will become your signature song as an entertainer. Sternberg and you will form a great partnership in Hollywood.. You will love Paramount and California. I wish you success. I only wish I could go back to Hollywood. But Hollywood no longer wants me in “talkies.” You know – the accent.

DIETRICH

It’s unfortunate but maybe with my accent I can pave the way for your return. Meanwhile, what are your plans?

JANNINGS

Wait for the phone to ring. Dr. Hirschfeld gave a convincing prophesy that they are Germany’s inevitable rulers. And Hugenberg says my phone will ring with a call from Nazi propaganda films. God forbid.

DIETRICH

Not even God can overrule a tyranny that is foolishly sought by the German people.

JANNINGS

But to refuse to work in their films, if the phone rings, could have a price. The penalty for non-collaboration could result in prison or worse.

DIETRICH

Another reason I am glad to leave for a free country where I plan to become a citizen and do everything I can to condemn the Nazis and their propaganda.

JANNINGS

I hope you succeed. I crank out the scheise.

DIETRICH

And I flush it.

JANNINGS

Good for you. I would also, if I went with you and Joe to Hollywood. But Hollywood itself has exiled me because of my accent.

DIETRICH

I’d still come up with another plan, Emil. Try Holland, France or England. I can’t live in Germany anymore. The German people and I speak a different language. But don’t work for those stormtrooping hoodlums. Nazism may come to an end sooner than you think. And you will have questions to answer about your relationship with them.

JANNINGS

It is a risk I shall have to assume.

DIETRICH

Good Luck.

JANNINGS

And to you, Good Luck.

Dietrich and Jannings clink in a toast and have a pleasant departing in contrast to the feud they had had during production.

0

[Robert Smith]

in contrast to the feud they had had during production.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: I deleted because 'kick-ass dialogue was supposed to go under 'Day 10'

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITHS DIALOGUE STRUCTURES

The dialogue structure of this scene is two conversations at the same time.

INT. STUDIO COMMISSARY – DAY

It is lunch time and again OTTO, LEO, and FRIEDRICH, plus two others are having lunch and discussing Football (soccer) and taking bets.

KARL enters.

FRIEDRICH

I predict Berlin will defeat Frankfurt this week, let’s create a betting pool.

All agree.

OTTO

Uh, hello, Karl. We were just proposing a betting pool for Berlin versus Frankfort.

KARL

And I propose we pursue our protest of Sternberg’s authoritarian directing style.

OTTO

There is nothing to go on other than his ordering us to take our watches off.

KARL

You mean no other grievances are in your copybook?

OTTO

Not one. We’re discussing a betting pool for Berlin versus Frankfort. Are you in?

KARL

I am in. Put me down for ten marks on Frankfort.

OTTO

Frankfort? You predicted Berlin’s defeat by Bremen. Didn’t happen. Berlin won with a goal inside the last five seconds.

KARL

Which means Berlin is not up to par. And Frankfort is out-playing every team. Why don’t we be our own winning team..

OTTO

The betting pool. Yes! On Berlin.

KARL

I mean our grievances.

OTTO

That’s a sure loss.

FRIEDRICH

I agree with Otto.

KARL

That we won’t win our protest?

FRIEDRICH

Well, no, I meant the betting pool is a sure win on Berlin.

KARL

Very well. But put me down for ten Marks on Frankfort and I’ll go to the Union President myself with the grievances, uh, grievance.

LEO

With only one grievance? Gerhardt won’t give you the time of day. You’d have more luck persuading him to join the betting pool.

KARL

Nothing ventured. Nothing gained.

OTTO

Yes, you are down for ten Marks on Frankfort – poor fellow.

KARL

I meant the grievance.

OTTO

Yes, poor fellow you are, Karl.

KARL

You men would let Sternberg walk all over you. I’d bet on that!

FRIEDRICH

Like Otto, my money is on Gerhardt to be in the betting pool.

Flustered, Karl storms off and exits.

CUT TO:

INT. STUDIO UNION OFFICE – DAY

GERHARDT, the Crew Members Union President, is seated at his desk. Seated in a chair in front of him is KARL.

GERHARDT

But Karl! This Union exists to address matters of pay and working conditions for crew members. It is part of our job to adjust to the demands of directors and their idiosyncrasies. I remember Pabst created hell for us on “Pitz Palu” So you leave your watches in the Locker Room. Big deal. You’re in good company. So do the actors as a matter of course. No one wears a watch if you’re in a film about Charlemagne. This is no matter of the Union lodging protests with the Studio chiefs. Your request to submit a formal protest is denied. Pommer would say the same. Anything else?

KARL

(trrying to be positive)

Well, would you like to be in on a betting pool of the game between Berlin and Frankfort?

GERHARDT

Now you’re talking. Yes. Put me down for fifty Marks on Berlin.

KARL

Not Frankfort?

GERHARDT

With the way Berlin beat Bremen with that goal inside of five seconds – of course – Berlin. A team that is hot is a winning team. Fifty Marks on Berlin!

Karl is deflated.

FADE OUT.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITHS ANTICIPATORY DIALOGUE

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

That the cataloguing of types of anticipatory dialogue is a useful template for creating it.

INT. STUDIO COMMISSARY – DAY

A lunch table.

Three crew members from the set of “The Blue Angel” are seated and eating lunch and complaining about director von Sternberg and his unreasonable demand for them to remove their watches because he does not want to be distracted by ticking. One of them, Karl, has swiped a large table clock from the Crew Union Office as a protest against the studio’s allowing Sternberg to get away with making bad working conditions for the crew coupled with a demand

That they appear to the studioin brass to do something to get rid of Sternberg.

At the table are also three crew members from another set. One is Jew (LEOPOLD) and another an Afro-German (ABU BAKR MUHAMMAD), a Hausa Muslim from Mahinland Nigeria (A German province until Versailles took away all of Germany’s foreign territories.

FRIEDRICH

Pommer is the producer. Is there any way we can get Pommer to rid us of this tyrannical director?

LEO

Can’t be done. Pommer’s committed to von Sternberg.

OTTO

I understand a star could get a director fired. It’s happened

In Hollywood.

KARL

Can you honestly picture Emil Jannings getting his own

Director-friend fired?

FRIEDRICH

True, the real star of the film has become Marlene. With

all the time von Sternberg spends with her, what else is she

but the star? She’s not going to fight on anybody’s behalf

to get von Sternberg sacked.

KARL

He is her director and mentor and more than a mentor.

That time they spend together is not all about mentoring.

Listen. How many more weeks are there in this production.

FRIEDRICH

At least six.

KARL

It would take a miracle to get me through this.

OTTO

In my opinion, the best way to make your

point is to present a list of grievances to the

Union. From now on, record everything von

Sternberg does that makes working conditions

hell.

FRIEDRICH

Good idea, Otto. I have a copybook.

(pulls out a notebook)

From now on it will be our grievance book to

get von Sternberg sacked.

OTTO

And, Karl. Put that damn clock back in

the Union Office before you get yourself and

maybe the rest of us in trouble. You don’t

want to anger the Union chiefs just when you

need their help against von Sternberg.

KARL

All right! All right!

FRIEDRICH

And by the way, where did this von Sternberg-

business come from? He is not a descendant of

German nobility.

KARL

Oh, something a Hollywood publicist thought up

to make him sound important like Erich von

Stroheim.

Friedrich writes in the notebook and as he writes it recites it.

FRIEDRICH

(reciting what he writes)

“Bullet number one; Sternberg forces us to remove

our watches because when he says, ‘Quiet on the set,’

he means he doesn’t want to hear our watches ticking.

Ordering us to remove personal items is an invasion

of union members’ privacy.”

KARL

We should not wait. That offens alone e is enough to

bring a complaint to the Union. First, we should all

sign the grievance book.

OTTO

I prefer not to sign it.

KARL

Why?

OTTO

The Union Officials will bring the

Grievances Book to Pommer and I don’t

want to get on Pommer’s bad side.

KARL

Then you will be on our bad side.

You are a scab and the rest of us will make

sure you don’t forget it.

OTTO

I will not be threatened. Call me a scab for

speaking my mind but your mind is the sane

mind of the fascists who want to run our

country.

Karl falls silent.

OTTO

Ah. Your silence convicts you.

KARL

So we are fascists. Well, I agree with the Nazis. They

are putting Germany back to work.

LEO

And shutting down independent thinking while they promote

anti-semitism and dangerous race-based propaganda against

people like me –

ABU BAKR

– And me. I am Abu Bakr Muhammad, I came here from Mahinland. I fought on the German army and after all that, now I face hatred in the land I fought for?

LEO

I also fought for the Fatherland and now I have to

hear that it’s because of the Jews that Germany lost

the war. I bled for this country and 11,000 Jews

died for it in the war and now we hear it is because of us

and there is a “Jewish problem.”

KARL

Leo, it wasn’t you or the 11,000 who stabbed us in

The back. It was those of your people among the

Communists and Socialists.

LEO

That’s just selective anti-semitism.

OTTO

Karl you are amazing, you protest the fascism of a

film director but you want a fascist control over us and

approve of a fascist to run our country. I’ve lost my appetite.

Otto rises from the table, so does Leo, then, rhe remainder of those at the table. Exit.

FADE OUT.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITHS CONTRAST SCENE

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Dialogue contrast makes for more exciting dialogue.

INT. STUDIO COMMISSARY – DAY

A lunch table. A half dozen crew members from the set of “The Blue Angels” are seated and eating lunch, talking about football (soccer).

KARL, a crew member joins them but in addition to lunch he also has an imposing office clock that he places on the table. It is so large it looks out of place. He starts removing lunch from his tray and places it on the table.

OTTO

(to Friedrich)

I’ll bet 10 marks to a hundred that Berlin beats

Hamburg. Karl, what are you doing with that

clock??

KARL

I am protesting that crazy director von Sternberg.

When he says “Quiet on the set,” he means ‘

he doesn’t want to even hear our watches tick. Isn’t

that right, Friedrich.

FRIEDRICH

Otto, you wouldn’t believe it. This director

made us remove our watches from the set.

OTTO

Karl, isn’t that the clock the one that was in the

executive outer office?

KARL

Yes. And I hope Pommer or Hugenberg notices it’s

missing so I can explain that I took it to make a point:

The tyranny of von Sternberg. He makes us remove

our watches because when von

Sternberg says “Quiet on the set” he means, “I don’t

want to hear your watches tickingt.”

OTTO

What will he do if he says “Quiet on the set,” but he

hears your hearts beating?

KARL

I’ll say that to Pommer.

OTTO

Don’t tell him you got it from me. I don’t

want to get on Pommer’s bad side.

KARL

Worth the risk. But. You are working on

another set, anyway. Why should I drag

you into this?

FRIEDRICH

I worked in impossible conditions under Pabst

when we were filming “The White Hell of

Pitz Palu.” At least Pabst was a warm gentlemen

Even though we were freezing. “Metropolis” was

inhuman but at least Lang was very human, as

demanding as he could be. But I’ve never seen any

Director like this arrogant von Sternberg. When you

just ask him a question, he reacts like you are rat

unworthy of his attention..

OTTO

How many more weeks of shooting?

FRIEDRICH

Too many. Karl, if you don’t mind, Otto and

I were discussing a bet on the game between

Berlin and Hamburg.

KARL

The way Berlin played the last game, von

Sternberg will rescind his watch prohibition

before ‘Berlin ever wins. Let’s eat. It’s

twenty minutes to one and Herr Direktor has

decreed we must be back on the set no later than

one. So, watch the clock and don’t forget. One

o’clock.

.

[Robert Smith]

DAY 3 BOB SMITHS WORLD VIEW SCENE

What I learned doing this assignment is..?

CHARACTER: MARLENE DIETRICH

World View: Image is everything.

Life Metaphor: Dress as a gentleman.

Rules and Strategies: Tux and top hat because it’s the best attire for a gentleman.

Justification: It advances me.

CHARACTER: JOSEF von STERNBERG

World View: There is no objective reality.

Life Metaphor: Magic.

Rules and Strategies: What I create is real.

Justification: I love what I create.

CHARACTER: EMIL JANNINGS

World View: The world must conform to me because I deserve it

Life Metaphor: The Oscar.

Rules and Strategies: The Oscar proves I am the best. The only way I can continue to be the best, is to fight for it. Success begets success.

Justification: Success and pleasure.

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – NIGHT.

MARLENE DIETRICH plans to treat Sternberg and her fellow actors (Jannings, KURT GERRON, and HANS ALBERS) to a night on the town (“the Berlin of Lola Lola [the cabaret showgirl character she portrays])

Dietrich comes on to the sound stage from backstage and approaches Jannings, Gerron, and Alhers dressed in tuxedo with tails and top hat.

JANNINGS

Marlene, why are you dressed like that?

DIETRICH

Why shouldn’t I? It’s the best attire for a

gentleman.

STERNBERG

That’s my Marlene. We must make use of

that attire on film. Your image is the key

to your success.

DIETRICH

Socially, yes.

STERNBERG

And in films, yes.

Later that night, at the Club Silhouette. Dietrich, Sternberg, Gerron, and Albers are seated at a table with Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, a sexologist known as “the Einstein of Sex.” After the evening is upset by Nazis in the street hurling rocks at the gay cabaret windows, the conversation at the table turns to the following dialogue.

STERNBERG

(to Hirschfeld)

I understand you are The Einstein of Sex.

HIRSCHFELD

I understand you are the Einstein of filmmaking.

DIETRICH

I think Joe is more like the Houdini of filmmaking.

STERNBERG

Thank you, my dear.

HIRSCHFELD

In other words, you are a sorcerer.

STERNBERG

The world has no objective reality so

I conjure my own on film.

DIETRICH

The philosophers of India say the whole

world is an illusion. So, Joe is an illusionist.

JANNINGS

Those rock-throwing Nazis are no illusion.

If we want to save the art and our lives, what

are we going to do?

HIRSCHFELD

I am going to visit Palestine next year.

Perhaps I should stay there. I am not

Religious but I want to see the heritage

of my people.

STERNBERG

I am not religious either, but staying in

America after I make my current film is

my intention.

DIETRICH

Don’t forget to take me with you.

STERNBERG

How could I forget. Don’t worry. I am

Already after Schulberg to get you a contract

JANNINGS

You don’t want to stay in Germany?

DIETRICH

I don’t speak German anymore. By that I

mean, thanks to the Nazis, my country is

becoming a strange land speaking a strange,

and dangerous language I refuse to speak.

STERNBERG

By the time I’m finished with you, you will be an

international star.

DIETRICH

I must make sure Rudy approves. I want Rudy

and little Maria to come with me. Being a good wife

and mother is important to me.

STERNBERG

Of course.

JANNING

You are lucky. I can’t go to America, my accent

is an impediment for the new Hollywood “talkies.”

I guess I don’t measure up to Gary Cooper even

though I have an Oscar and he doesn’t. You know,

I do have a mother of Jewish origin, but Palestine

is not for me.

GERRON

Nor for me, we have Nazis here but in Palestine there

are Arabs who want to kill us even though we have

lived there for thousands of years. God, how long?

DIETRICH

There is no God. All sides prayed for peace during

the war. Where was God?

JANNINGS

It has nothing to do with God. If every side really

wanted peace, they never would have gone to war.

They would have struggled hard to keep peace.

Ever since I was a boy and ran away to become a

Sailor, I realized, don’t wait for God. Do get it

Yourself. You have to fight for everything you

want. By the way, are we having dinner here? I’m

famished.

HIRSCHFELD

So am I, let’s eat.

Gerron and Albers say that they also want dinner.

Hirschfeld calls for a waiter.

The WAITER enters.

WAITER

Yes, Doctor Hirschfeld.

HIRSCHFELD

We’d like to order dinner. Marlene.

DIETRICH

I’ll have the Spaghetti, please.

.

STERNBERG

Marlene, remember your diet.

DIETRICH

Yes, boss. I’ll have Halibut, please.

HIRSCHFELD

Herr Direktor.

STERNBERG

Steak medium rare..

HIRSCHFELD

And the Oscar-winner. What is your pleasure?

JANNINGS

Another Oscar.

All laugh.

JANNINGS (CONT’D)

Oh, you meant for dinner. Uh. I’ll have the

Sausages with Sauerkraut.

GERRON

You had that for lunch.

JANNINGS

Like the Oscar, I’d like another. It was so good

I want an encore for dinner.

GERRON

May you win it – I mean the Oscar, may you have

The dinner of Sausage and Sauerkraut. As for me: Spaghetti.

No meatballs.

ALBERS

Same for me.

WAITER

Dr. Hirschfeld.

HIRSCHFELD

Oysters on the half-shell and chef salad.

GEORGE

What else would The Einstein of Sex

have for dinner but a known aphrodisiac.

I’ll have the same.

HIRSCHFELD

Thank you, George. All night you’ve

Been silent, now, it won’t be silent

when we get home.

All laugh.

DIETRICH

I’ll change my order to the aphrodisiac.

WAITER

Order changed.

STERNBERG

So will I.

WAITER

Likewise. Changed.

[Robert Smith]

REQUEST FEEDBACK EXCHANGE

BOB SMITH’S FINAL SCENE

Character subtext loglines

KURT GERRON, is a veteran actor in a supporting role in “The Blue Angel” who feels sorry for Emil Jannings and listens to his complaints about director Josef von Sternberg’s but he does not want to get triangulated between Sternberg and Dietrich with Jannings.

HANS ALBERS is another supporting actor who is supportive of Jannings but still feels it is his duty to inform Sternberg about Jannings inappropriate and bizarre behaviors behind the scenes, including telling cast members to do the opposite of what Sternberg directs.

SUBTEXT DESIGN: Something is off.

Albers reveals to Gerron that he has reported what he observes about the temperamental Jannings to director Sternberg about Jannings’ telling cast members to disregard Sternberg’s direction.

INT. KURT GERRON’S DRESSING ROOM – DAY.

SETUP: Gerron and Albers, cast members of “The Blue Angel” have just witnessed director Josef von Sternberg say to the temperamental star, Emil Jannings, that the film has only one director and to stop acting like a 3 year old. Albers suggests that the talk back in Gerron’s dressing room for the sake of privacy.

INT. KURT GERRON’S DRESSING ROOM – DAY.

GERRON

Is this privacy enough for you?

ALBER

It is.

GERRON

Very well, now, I was saying: Someone must have

told Sternberg that Jannings tells the cast to

do the exact opposite of what he instructs.

Now, what is it that requires such confidentiality?

ALBERS

Kurt, I am the “someone” who told Sternberg.

GERRON

Trying to feather a future Hollywood

nest for yourself through Sternberg?

ALBERS

You know I have no desire to leave

Germany for Hollywood. A director

must be told if he is being

undermined. Don’t you agree?

‘

GERRON

I suppose I agree, I just wouldn’t put

myself in the role of an informer and

denounce a fellow cast member.

ALBERS

If Jannings undermines the director,

he undermines the project and in

doing so, he undermines us, however

unintentionally.

GERRON

Most actors, even extras know they must follow

the director.

ALBERS

I have seen cast animosity for the director kill

a show. In Hollywood, Sternberg has a

record of prompting animosity.

GERRON

Or was it Anti-Semitism?

ALBERS

Adolph Zukor himself yielded to

William Powell’s request to never

have to work with Sternberg again.

The animosity Sternberg creates against

himself is simply explained: We both

know that Sternberg treats actors like

puppets. Then along comes the star who

treats them like human beings and of

course they start to listen to him as

opposed to the director. As for

being an informer: When I

informed Sternberg, he seemed to

be already aware of Jannings’

treachery.

GERRON

A director’s intuition.

ALBERS

Or. Perhaps “the informer” is Marlene.

GERRON

Marlene?

ALBERS

You don’t need intuition to see that

Marlene is already “other things”

to Sternberg besides an actress. Why

not an informer?

FADE OUT:

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Added request for feedback exchange

[Robert Smith]

DAY 6 BOB SMITHS DIALOGUE COVER-UP

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

I have learned the manymethods of dialogue cover-up.

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

Once again, Director Sternberg and star, Emil Jannings are having an argument in which Jannings complains that Sternberg is spending too much time mentoring Marlene Dietrich whom he believes is upstaging his star-status while neglecting the creative partnership of director and star that Jannings wants with Sternberg.

STERNBERG

Emil, what you are doing is poisoning the

creative atmosphere of the studio. You did t

he same thing during production

of “The Last Command.”

JANNINGS

Then why did William Powell change his

contract to say that Paramount would never

require him to work with you.

STERNBERG

Paul Henreid will never forgive you for

leaving him in a closed coffin when you

went off for lunch at the Commissary.

JANNINGS

With the way you treat actors, you are still

the most despised director in Hollywood.

POSSIBLE METHODS OF COVER-UP:

Silence: Sternberg says nothing in response. Jannings says nothing further.

Action incongruent with words:

Sternberg: Look this argument is no-win. Let’s go out to the Beer Garden and enjoy ourselves.

Jannings: agrees or says the same line and Sternberg agrees.

Change subject:

Jannings: When do you think our film will be released.

Sternberg: With the problems you cause, I don’t know when or if

it will be finished.

Attack back:

Sternberg: I squeeze the best performances out of my actors.

Jannings: Actors do not need to be squeezed.

Complement them:

Sternberg: In spite of yourself, you are a great actor.

Jannings: And you, a great director, interacting with you is what I

miss. That’s all I am saying.

Threaten them:

Jannings: Look! I am through with this production. I’m walking

away NOW!

Sternberg: You are under contract, Emil. You always like to cry

wolf.

Confirm something they already believe whether it’s true or not:

Sternberg: We both have our impossible side, Emil. But we have

too much going for us to let the past or any complaint

come between us.

Misdirection:

Sternberg: If you think I’m a tyrannical director, ask Leni

Riefenstahl about the hell of working with Pabst on “The White Hell of Pitz Palu.”

The best response:

Sternberg: We both have our impossible side, Emil. But we

have too much going for us to let the past or any

complaint come between us.

The new scene with the chosen response added:

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

Once again, Director Sternberg and star, Emil Jannings are having an argument in which Jannings complains that Sternberg is spending too much time mentoring Marlene Dietrich whom he believes is upstaging his star-status while neglecting the creative partnership of director and star that Jannings wants with Sternberg.

STERNBERG

Emil, what you are doing is poisoning the

creative atmosphere of the studio. You did t

he same thing during production

of “The Last Command.”

JANNINGS

Then why did William Powell change his

contract to say that Paramount would never

require him to work with you.

STERNBERG

Paul Henreid will never forgive you for

leaving him in a closed coffin when you

went off for lunch at the Commissary.

JANNINGS

With the way you treat actors, you are still

the most despised director in Hollywood.

STERNBERG

We both have our impossible side, Emil.

But we have too much going for us to let

the past or any complaint come between us.

[Robert Smith]

DAY 5 BOB SMITHS SYMBOL

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

I learned to look around for potential symbols and use them.

As my script is about the making of “The Blue Angel,” I looked at what seems to be symbolic in that motion picture: What stood out for me as symbols are the hats worn by Marlene Dictrich both personally and as the character of Lola Lola the cabaret showgirl she portrays.

INTRODUCE THE SYMBOL

In the early scene in which I have Dietrich take director Josef von Sternberg and fellow cast-members of “The Blue Angel” out on the town in Weimar Berlin, or, as she calls it, “The Berlin of Lola Lola,” she dresses in a tuxedo with tails and a high top hat (pretty much her show costume in “Morocco” which she filmed with Sternberg later that year at Paramount.

SET ITS MEANING POWERFULLY.

Commenting on her top hat, Sternberg remarks, “That top hat is very Lola Lola.” She says, “It’s very Marlene.” Sternberg replies, “That’s why it is very Lola Lola.”

When they shoot the “Falling in Love again” song, Sternberg gives her a silvery top hat saying, “It captures Marlene and Lola Lola.”

USE THE SYMBOL TO CAUSE OR SHOW CHANGE

When Sternberg meets with the feuding actors (Dietrich and Jannings), begging them to put aside any hostility and partner for the sake of the film, Marlene wears her silvery white top hat and says to Sternberg and Jannings, that both “Lola Lola and I are committed to be partners with you for the sake of the film.” Both she and Jannings reconcile and finish the film with stellar performances.

DAY 5 SCENE 2.

INT. MAJOR KERSHAW’S OFFICE – DAY

Major Kershaw has just told Emil Jannings that he must undergo denazification which means he must not make any public appearances. Effectively, he ends Jannings’ hope to renew his acting career.

On Kershaw’s desk is Jannings’ Best Actor Oscar statuette – the proud trophy or his life’s work – which Jannings used at the beginning of the story to get past the guards and into the US Army Headquarters to plead for asylum. Now this trophy of a life’s work as an actor is like a monument that stands for loss, as Jannings tells Kershaw, “I’ll never have a chance to win another or to just hear the applause.”

Kershaw tells Jannings, “You will always have what I believe is your best performance, as Professor Rath in ‘The Blue Angel.’ That was your role of a lifetime.” We have just seen a recreation of that last scene of “The Blue Angel” in which Prof. Rath dies, clinging to his classroom desk.

The film ends in the same way with Jannings clinging to his Oscar.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

DAY 4 BOB SMITH’S SUBTEXT SCENE:

What I learned from this assignment…?

The necessity of subtext and how to discover it.

BACKGROUND: As production proceeds, Emil Jannings,

the star of the film constantly feels threatened by Marlene Dietrich

whom he feels is undermining him on camera and off as the star

of the film. This is what happens during a studio lunch break when

Jannings throws a tantrum about his feeling rivaled by Dietrich and his

resentment of director, Sternberg’s spending so much time

coaching her for future stardom, they are also having an affair.

INT. STUDIO DRESSING ROOM OF EMIL JANNINGS -DAY

It’s lunch time. Jannings is eating a sumptuous pile of kielbassa.

Sternberg enters.

STERNBERG

Bon appetite, Emil.

JANNINGS

Oh, at last you come to have lunch with me.

STERNBERG

Well, you say you miss my spending time with

you. So, here I am.

JANNINGS

Here. Have some kielbasa.

STERNBERG

Thank you for offering me kielbasa

but I am full. Marlene and I had a

huge lunch.

JANNINGS

Again, “Marlene,” “Marlene.”

STERNBERG

Stop being jealous of Marlene. You sound

like my wife. Well, now, I am with you. What

do you want to discuss?

JANNINGS

Well, after lunch, we shoot the scene in English.

Did you have any thoughts to share?

STERNBERG

Nor really. It’s the same as the German we shot

This morning, only now, speak English which you

already speak fluently. No problem.

JANNINGS

So I offer you kielbasa and you offer me

“not really.”

STERNBERG

Listen, Emil. You have to stop this jealousy

of Marlene. You sound like my wife. You

are poisoning yourself and you could poison

the creative progress of filming this motion

picture. I need you and Marlene working

together with me.

JANNINGS

You never understand me, Joe. I am the star.

It is a burden of responsibility. I need

you to help me carry that burden.

Jannings begins to cry.

STERNBERG

Stop this, Emil. It is very unseemly. Use this

feeling for your character. I mean, the Professor’s

anguish about Lola Lola’s indifference to his

Feelings.

JANNINGS

Is that how you feel about me?

STERNBERG

Indifference? To the contrary.

JANNING

But your attitude toward me has been indifference.

Is that how you are telling Marlene to play our

scenes?

STERNBERG

Frankly, yes! But that’s not how I feel toward

you.

JANNINGS

How do you feel toward me? Frankly.

STERNBERG

Frankly. I am concerned that you will walk off

the set as you did throughout our filming, “The
Last Command.” Holding up production, going

over budget.

JANNING

Well, until you stop denigrating me. That is

Exactly what I”ll do.

Jannings rises and walks toward the door.

JANNINGS

Joe, I am leaving. I must ask you also to

leave so that I can lock my dressing room.

STERNBERG

What about your kielbasa?

JANNINGS

I leave it for the janitors. Look at you, Joe.

You’re going to worry about the kielbasa

and not me? That’s an insult. Let’s go, Joe.

Sternberg turns and darts out of the dressing room fuming with anger, exit.

Jannings follows, exits.

We hear the key turn and bolt the door.

INT. STUDIO DRESSING ROOM OF MARLENE DIETRICH – DAY

Dietrich is already present, picking up dishes from lunch.

Sternberg enters.

DIETRICH

What did Jannings say?

STERNBERG

He walked off the set. When he gets into

this mood, it’s like talking to a three year old.

DIETRICH

Get someone else to play the part and re-shoot.

STERNBERG

From the beginning?

DIETRICH

Well, Jannings shouldn’t have such

power to sabotage the film and my career.

Is Peter Lorre available?

STERNBERG

Lorre is working on a project with Fritz Lang.

He’s neither proficient in English, nor the type

to play the Professor. I need Emil Jannings.

DIETRICH

He is behaving like an oversized three year old.

Why don’t you tell him!

STERNBERG

You can’t call the star a “three year old”!

DIETRICH

Why not! If more directors told off their stars

when they act like “three year olds” maybe

more stars would stop acting like three year

olds. Look! You threw Leni Riefenstahl off the

set when she got to be a headache. And

Jannings is a tuchas-ache. Tell him and he’ll

come right back.

STERNBERG

You are right, you don’t coddle actors. To coddle

actors is to treat them like three year olds. Treat

them like three year olds and they’ll just continue to

behave like three year olds.

Sternberg, turns to exit.

DIETRICH

Where are you going?

STERNBERG

To get Jannings before he leaves the studio grounds.

Sternberg exits.

Dietrich smiles in satisfaction. She can’t resist following him. She does, exits.

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

Kurt Gerron and Hans Albers are finishing up sandwiches.

Jannings enters.

JANNINGS

I’m saying goodbye.

GERRON and ALBERS

“Goodbye.”

JANNINGS

Yes, I’m through with von Sternberg.

ALBERS

You’ll halt the production and put us out of

work.

JANNINGS

Never thought of that.

GERRON

Well, you’re thinking it now. Better late

than never. Don’t do this, Emil. You’re

the star. We need you.

ALBERS

Yes, don’t act like a three year old?

JANNINGS

(not insulted but inquisitive.)

You are saying I am a three year old?

Sternberg storms in, enters.

STERNBERG

Hold it, Albers, that’s my line. Emil,

Stop behaving like a three year old. You

are the star. Behave like one.

JANNINGS

Jawohl, Herr Direcktor.

STERNBERG

All right. Lunch break is over. Emil,

put the make up back on and you and Kurt. report to the set in ten minutes with command

of your lines in English. Uh, you, too,

Hans. Ten Minutes.

Sternberg and Jannings exit.

Gerron and Albers exit.

Dietrich comes out of hiding and enters.

STERNBERG

You followed me?

DIETRICH

Ah-hah. Apparently, you can tell a star that he is

behaving like a three year old and it works.

STERNBERG

You are the best Assistant Director I’ve ever had.

Sternberg and Dietrich kiss.

FADE OUT:

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Robert Smith.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

DAY 3 BOB SMITHS SUBTEXT RELATIONSHIP

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

The importance of subtextual character loglines in order to hatch natural areas of the script where subtext will emerge.

THE THREE PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS SUBTEXT LOGLINES:

EMIL JANNINGS: Jannings is a great but temperamental actor who wants to maintain star-status in “The Blue Angel” and resents Marlene Dietrich’s upstaging him as a result of director Sternberg’s exclusive coaching of Dietrich for stardom to the neglect of any partnership with himself as the star of the film.

JOSEF von STERNBERG: Sternberg wants to make his protégé (Dietrich) into an international star through “The Blue Angel” unaware of the impact his attention toward her is having on Jannings, who, although he made Jannings the star of his film, he knows is prone to tantrums.

MARLENE DIETRICH all she wants is to follow the direction and guidance of her mentor and lover (Sternberg) and become a star and she regards Jannings as an overacting disturbed person.

OTHER CHARACTERS:

KURT GERRON, is a veteran actor in a supporting role in “The Blue Angel” who feels sorry for Jannings and listens to his complaints but does not want to get triangulated between Sternberg and Dietrich with Jannings whom he (like everyone) knows are having an affair.

HANS ALBERS is another supporting actor who also does not want to get triangulated but feels a duty to keep Sternberg informed about Jannings inappropriate and bizarre behaviors behind the scenes.

SITUATIONS THAT WILL INCREASE THEIR NEED TO HIDE THEIR TRUE FEELINGS/INTENTIONS/ACTIONS.

– Jannings collapses and does not get up until comforted and kissed by Sternberg.

– Jannings in spite of reassurances from Sternberg that his stardom is intact, nevertheless, walks off the set.

– Dietrich, at Sternberg’s urging, also tries to mollify Jannings to no avail.

– Dietrich then tells Sternberg, her true feelings about Jannings: that she regards Jannings as an overacting ham and a mentally unbalanced person who could ruin the film and her career.

– Sternberg tells Dietrich, they have a doctor on the set and maybe they should have a psychiatrist, as well, for Jannings. Sternberg: As director, I am the psychiatrist. Dietrich says, I’m the one who will need a psychiatrist.

– Most of Jannings subtext is in what he voices of his complaints to fellow cast-members Kurt Gerron and Hans Albers.

– Gerron tells Jannings that he doesn’t want to get into a fight between him and the lovers (Sternberg and Dietrich). So, he says to Jannings to do as he (Gerron) does, just follow Sternberg’s direction, keep acting accordingly until he says, “Cut/Print.” Nevermind the illusive partnership between a star and a director.

– Albers agrees with Gerron and tries to be supportive of Jannings but Albers reports what he observes about Jannings to Sternberg.

[Robert Smith]

DAY 2 BOB SMITHS SUBTEXT CHARACTERS 121521

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Nice to have a conversation with my characters. (I realize I’m actually speaking with aspects of myself.

ORIGINAL CHARACTER TRAITS

CHARACTERS AND TRAITS:

CHARACTER NAME: EMIL JANNINGS:

SUBTEXT IDENTITY: A great, Oscar-winning actor, but a troublesome and self-promoting

Oscar-winning prima donna. .

TRAITS: Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible loss of star-status and for his future career) and fears that he may not be admitted into the American sector of Berlin where he can revive his acting career.

SUBTEXT LOGLINE: Jannings is a great, Oscar-winning actor, but a troublesome a:nd self-

promoting prima donna who spoils on-the-set relationships.

POSSIBLE AREAS OF SUBTEXT: His jealousy of Marlene Dietrich is a definite which creates a feud. He threatens to walk off the set. Awkwardly, he tries to recruit fellow actors and cast-members of “The Blue Angel,” Kurt Gerron and Hans Albers to his point of view that the director, Josef von Sternberg is ineffective and totally devoted to shaping the career of Marlene Dietrich to the neglect of them as well as himself.

CHARACTER NAME: MAJOR KENT KERSHAW

SUBTEXT IDENTITY: He is a fan of Emil Jannings but is painfully aware of the unpleasant

job he has to do: vet Emil Jannings as to whether or not he needs to be

de-nazified.

CHARACTER TRAITS: Friendly, inquisitive, and professional. Subtext: He has to vet Emil Jannings as to whether or not he needs to be de-nazified.

SUBTEXT LOGLIINE: Major Kershaw is a fan of actor Emil Jannings and realizes that if

he advises that he needs de-nazification, he would end the acting career of his idol.

POSSIBLE AREAS OF SUBTEXT: His admiration of Jannings leads him to use euphemisms

To cushion the tough examination he he must have with Jannings. Euphemisms of Kershaw as subtext of the interior struggle of Kershaw who has to tell bad news to his idol in the end, a way of cushioning the impact on Jannings himself.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITHS GREAT SUBTEXT

SCREENPLAY: “CASABLANCA”

WHAT I LEARNED STUDYING THIS SCENE:

Nothing beats learning screenplay writing from a masterpiece, moreover, in subtext there are setups and payoffs not necessarily obvious but discoverable.

For example: Rick has broken off a relationship with Yvonne, a French refugee.

YVONNE

Where were you last night, Rick

RICK

That was so long ago, I can’t remember.

YVONNE

Where will you be tonight?

RICK

I never plan that far ahead.

This is subtext to the pain Rick feels from the day that Ilsa left him when Rick said to Ilso, “Let’s get married in Marseilles.” And Ilsa replies, “That’s too far ahead to plan.” We gain insight into Rick’s hurtful treatment of Yvonne as somehow a twisted revenge against women for the one woman (Ilsa) who hurt him. Also confirmed in a later scene with Ilsa, in which she says to Rick, “One woman has hurt you and you want to take revenge against the whole world.”

OVERALL BACKSTORY OF “CASABLANCA”: Rick the owner of Casablanca’s “Rick’s Café Americaine.” Rick is a frustrated one-time freedom fighter who notably ran guns to Ethiopia and fought in the Spanish Civil War on the Loyalist side (backing underdogs against oppression. Rick now has in his possession two Letters of Transit stolen from (two murdered German couriers) which he could give or sell to Victor Laszlo – a Czechoslovakian Resistance Leader against the Nazis whom Rick admires – and his wife, Ilsa, with whom he was in love in Paris until she left him (as we will learn, because she was married to Laszlo) and thought he was dead but then heard that he was alive, ill, and in hiding in a freight car, so she left Rick.

Rick has refused to give or sell to Laszlo, when he asks why, Rick says, “Ask your wife.” That in itself is subtext to the hurt and anger he still feels for her for having left him. A subtext underlying his refusal is also his still loving her and believing that Ilsa still loves him and may leave Laszlo in order to renew her romance with Rick. Possible subtext: By not selling the Letters of Transit, he may drive her back to him, and he and she could use the Letters of Transit for themselves to escape from Casablance and head for America. This was one ending of the film, until they saw that the only way the film should end was that Rick, a two-time resistance leader himself, out of sentiment will support Laszlo – by giving to him the Letters of Transit and make Ilsa stay with her husband as he needs her, and together they can escape to America where Laslo can continue his work against the Nazis.

BACKSTORY TO THE FOLLOWING SCENE: Victor Laszlo’s nemesis, the cruel Nazi Major Strasser who wants to prevent Laszlo from leaving Casablance, has threatened Ilsa that maybe Laszlo, her husband will end up in a concentration camp or dead.

INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Laszlo switches on the light as they enter. While Ilsa takes off some jewelry he walks to the window and peer sout into the darkeness.

Below and across the street, a man stands under an arch.

Laszlo watches him, then draws down the shade.

LASZLO

Our faithful friend is

still there.

NOTE: “faithful friend” is euphemism for a spy tailing Laszlo, by order of the Prefect of Police, Capt. Renault.

ILSA

Victor, please, don’t go

to the underground

meeting tonight.

NOTE: Subtext: Laszlo continues his resistance work against the Nazis.

LASZLO

(soberly)

I must. Besides, it isn’t

often that a man has a

chance to display heroics

before his wife.

He crosses to a table, takes a cigarette from a box, and strikes a match.

ILSA

Don’t joke. After Major

Strasser’s warning tonight,

I am frightened.

LASZLO

To tell you the truth, I am

frightened too. Shall I remain

here in our hotel room hiding,

or shall I carry on the best

I can?

He lights the cigarette.

ILSA

Whatever I’d say, you’d

carry on. Victor, why don’t you

tell me about Rick? What did

you find out?

LASZLO

Apparently he has the letters.

ILSA

Yes?

LASZLO

But no intention of selling

them. One would think if

sentiment wouldn’t persuade him,

money would.

NOTE: Subtext: “Sentiment” = ‘solidarity.’ Laszlo is puzzled that Rick, who admires him, and was once a freedom-fighter himself, would not give or sell the Letters of Transit, enabling him to escape from the reach of the Nazis and their quisling ally, the Prefect of Police, Capt. Renault.

Ilsa is now noticeably uncomfortable.

ILSA

Did he give any reason?

LASZLO

He suggested I ask you.

ILSA

Ask me?

LASZLO

Yes. He said, “Ask your wife.” I don’t know why he said that.

Laszlo turns off the light. Ilsa walks over to the couch and sits down.

LASZLO

Well, our friend outside will

think we’ve retired by now.

I’ll be going in a few minutes.

He sits down on the couch next to her. A silence falls between them. It grows strained. Finally…

LASZLO

Ilsa, I –

ILSA

— Yes?

LASZLO

When I was in the concentration

camp, were you lonely in Paris?

NOTE: Subtext: Laszlo is saying to Ilsa: “I sense that you and Rick were in love in Paris.”

Ilsa still cannot look at him.

NOTE: Subtext is that Laszlo knows Rick and Ilsa had a relationship, but he wants to hear it from Ilsa. In the following lines we see he is sympathetic. He will not pressure her to say more, he can discern the rest and he loves her, still.

ILSA

Yes, Victor, I was.

NOTE: Subtext: Yes, I did have a relationship with Rick. (Lazlo already sensed it from the beginning).

LASZLO

(sympathetically)

I know how it is to be lonely.

(very quietly)

Is there anything you wish to tell me?

NOTE: Subtext: “If you told me about it, I would understand.”

ILSA

(speaking low)

No, Victor, there isn’t.

NOTE: Subtext is that she was in love with Rick and still is.

LASZLO

I love you very much, my dear.

Ilsa finally turns to look at Laszlo.

ILSA

Yes, Yes I know. Victor,

whatever I do, will you believe that I, that –

NOTE: Ilsa is confused. She is loves both Rick and Laszlo. She loves two men at the same time. But she wants him to be assured of her love for him. Subtext = Subplot: Will she leave Laszlo for Rick?

LASZLO

— You don’t even have to

say it. I’ll believe.

Goodnight, dear.

He bends down and kisses her cheek.

ILSA

Goodnight.

She watches him go.

ILSA

Victor!

She gets up and follows him to the door. He opens it. In the slit of light from the hall we see Ilsa’s face, now strained and worried. She hesitates for a moment, then…

ILSA

Be careful.

NOTE: Subtext: Ilsa wants to be careful that Laszlo knows she loves him because, she still has feelings for Rick and is confused.

LASZLO

Of course, I’ll be careful.

He kisses her on the cheek and goes out the door. She stands there for a few seconds, then crosses to look out of the window. The figure in the archway is gone. She sees Victor walking down the street and closes the blind again.

Ilsa gets a cloak from the bedroom, and leaves the hotel room.

NOTE: Subtext: She is on her way to Rick to get the Letters of Transit but she also has reawakened love for him.

[Robert Smith]

DAY 5 BOB SMITHS UNCERTAINTY SCENE

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

It is always more than helpful to study the masterpieces. and “Casablance” is one of the best. In this page-turner, HOPE and FEAR are intertwined and even compounded, this is very much the case in the final scene. I am welling up with tears even as I did this assignment.

SCRIPT: “Casabanca”

BACKSTORY: ILSA LUND and RICK BLAINE were in love back in Paris which is rekindled when she and her husband, the heroic freedom-fighter VICTOR LASZLO come to Casablanca for Letters of Transit to Lisbon from where they can go to America. RICK has illegal possession of the Letters of Transit which he refuses to sell because of his romance with Ilsa. Ilsa and Rick still love one another and and it appears that Rick – himself a one time freedom-fighter – will use the one Letter of Transit to get Laszlo on the plane to LIsbon while he and Ilsa stay behind in Casablanca. But is it right? In her moral confusion, Ilsa asks Rick “to do the thinking for both of us, for all of us. ”

CASABLANCA: The final scene.

The entire airport is surrounded by a heavy fog. The outline of the transport plane is barely visible.

CUT TO:

INT./EXT. AIRPORT HANGAR – NIGHT

A uniformed ORDERLY uses a telephone near the hangar door. On the airfield a transport plane is being readied.

ORDERLY

Hello. Hello, radio tower? Lisbon plane taking off in ten minutes. East runway. Visibility: one and one half miles. Light ground fog. Depth of fog: approximately 500. Ceiling: unlimited. Thank you.

He hangs up and moves to a car that has just pulled up outside the hangar.

Renault gets out while the orderly stands at attention.He’s closely followed by Rick, right hand in the pocketof his trench coat, covering Renault with a gun. Laszlo and Ilsa emerge from the rear of the car.

RICK

(indicating the orderly) Louis, have your man go with Mr. Laszlo and take care of his luggage.

RENAULT

(bowing ironically) Certainly Rick, anything you say. (to orderly) Find Mr. Laszlo’s luggage and put it it on the plane.

ORDERLY

Yes, sir. This way please..

The orderly escorts Laszlo off in the direction of the plane.Rick takes the letters of transit out of his pocket andhands them to Renault, who turns and walks toward the hangar.

RICK

If you don’t mind, you fill in the names. That will make it even more official.

RENAULT

You think of everything, don’t you?

HOPE

RICK

(quietly) And the names are Mr. and Mrs. Victor Laszlo.

Renault stops dead in his tracks, and turns around. Both Ilsa and Renault look at Rick with astonishment.

ILSA

But why my name, Richard? RICK Because you’re getting on that plane.

ILSA

(confused) I don’t understand. What about you?

RICK

I’m staying here with him ’til the plane gets safely away. Rick’s intention suddenly dawns on Ilsa.

ILSA

No, Richard, no. What has happened to you? Last night we said —

RICK

— Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I’ve done a lot of it since then and it all adds up to one thing. You’re getting on that plane with Victor where you belong.

ILSA

(protesting) But Richard, no, I, I —

RICK

— You’ve got to listen to me. Do you have any idea what you’d have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten we’d both wind up in a concentration camp. Isn’t that true, Louis? Renault countersigns the papers.

RENAULT

I’m afraid Major Strasser would insist.

ILSA

You’re saying this only to make me go.

HOPE

RICK

I’m saying it because it’s true. Inside of us we both know you belong with Victor. You’re part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you’re not with him, you’ll regret it.

ILSA

No.

RICK

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.

ILSA

But what about us?

RICK

We’ll always have Paris. We didn’t have, we’d lost it, until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.

ILSA

And I said I would never leave you.

RICK

And you never will. But I’ve got a job to do, too. Where I’m going you can’t follow. What I’ve got to do you can’t be any part of. Ilsa, I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you’ll understand that. Now, now…Ilsa’s eyes well up with tears. Rick puts his hand to herchin and raises her face to meet his own. RICK Here’s looking at you, kid.

CUT TO:

FEAR

122.EXT. ROAD – NIGHT

Major Strasser drives at break-neck speed towards the airport.He HONKS his horn furiously. CUT TO:INT./EXT. AIRPORT HANGAR – NIGHT

Laszlo returns. Rick walks into the hangar and Renault hands him the letters. He walks back out to Laszlo.

HOPE

LASZLO Everything in order?

RICK

All except one thing. There’s something you should know before you leave.

LASZLO

(sensing what is coming) Monsieur Blaine, I don’t ask you to explain anything.

RICK

I’m going to anyway, because it may make a difference to you later on. You said you knew about Ilsa and me.

LASZLO

Yes.

FEAR

RICK

But you didn’t know she was at my place last night when you were. She came there for the letters of transit. Isn’t that true, Ilsa?

ILSA (facing Laszlo) Yes.

HOPE

RICK (forcefully) She tried everything to get them, and nothing worked. She did her best to convince me that she was still in love with me, but that was all over long ago. For your sake, she pretended it wasn’t, and I let her pretend.

LASZLO I understand.

HOPE

RICK Here it is.

Rick hands the letters to Laszlo.

LASZLO Thanks. I appreciate it.

Laszlo extends his hand to Rick, who grasps it firmly.

LASZLO And welcome back to the fight. This time I know our side will win.

On the airfield the airplane engine TURNS OVER and thepropellers start turning. They all turn to see the plane readying for take-off.Ilsa looks at Rick and he returns her stare with a blank expression. He then glances at Laszlo, as does Ilsa.Then Laszlo breaks the silence.

LASZLO Are you ready Ilsa?

ILSA Yes, I’m ready. (to Rick) Goodbye, Rick. God bless you.

RICK You better hurry, or you’ll miss that plane.

Rick watches as Ilsa and Laszlo walk very deliberately towards the plane.

RENAULT Well I was right. You are a sentimentalist.

FEAR

RICK Stay where you are. I don’t know what you’re talking about.Rick puts a cigarette in his mouth.

RENAULT What you just did for Laszlo, and that fairy tale that you invented to send Ilsa away with him. I know a little about women, my friend. She went, but she knew you were lying. RICK Anyway, thanks for helping me out.

FEAR

RENAULT I suppose you know this isn’t going to be pleasant for either of us, especially for you. I’ll have to arrest you of course.

RICK As soon as the plane goes, Louis.

The door to the plane is closed by an attendant and it slowly taxies down the field.

FEAR

Suddenly a speeding car comes to a stop outside the hangar.Strasser alights from the car and runs toward Renault.

STRASSER What is the meaning of that phone call?

RENAULT Victor Laszlo is on that plane.

Renault nods toward the field. Strasser turns to see the plane taxiing towards the runway. STRASSER Why do you stand here? Why don’t you stop him?

RENAULT Ask Monsieur Rick.

FEAR

Strasser looks briefly at Rick, then makes a step towards the telephone just inside the hangar door.

RICK Get away from that phone. Strasser stops in his tracks, looks at Rick, and sees thathe is armed.

STRASSER (steely) I would advise you not to interfere.

RICK I was willing to shoot Captain Renault, and I’m willing to shoot you.

Strasser watches the plane in agony. His eyes dart towards the telephone. He runs toward it and desperately grabs the receiver.

STRASSER Hello?

RICK Put that phone down!

STRASSER Get me the Radio Tower!

RICK Put it down!

FEAR

Strasser, one hand holding the receiver, pulls out a pistol with the other hand, and SHOOTS quickly at Rick. The bullet misses its mark. Rick now SHOOTS at Strasser, who crumples to the ground.At the sound of an approaching car both men turn.

FEAR

A policecar SPEEDS in and comes to a stop near Renault. Four gendarmes hurriedly jump out. In the distance the plane turns onto the runway.The gendarmes run to Renault. The first one hurriedly salutes him.

GENDARME Mon Capitaine!

RENAULT Major Strasser’s been shot.

Renault pauses and looks at Rick. Rick returns Renault’sgaze with expressionless eyes. RENAULT Round up the usual suspects.

GENDARME Oui, mon Capitaine.

The gendarmes take Strasser’s body away and then drive off.Renault walks inside the hangar, picks up a bottle of Vichywater, and opens it.

RENAULT

Well, Rick, you’re not only a sentimentalist, but you’ve become a patriot.

RICK

Maybe, but it seemed like

a good time to start.

RENAULT

I think perhaps you’re right.

As he pours the water into a glass, Renault sees the Vichy label and quickly DROPS the bottle into a trash basket whichhe then KICKS over.He walks over and stands beside Rick.

They both watch theplane take off, maintaining their gaze until it disappears into the clouds.Rick and Louis slowly walk away from the hangar toward the runway.

RENAULT It might be a good idea for you to disappear from Casablanca for a while. There’s a Free French garrison over at Brazzaville. I could be induced to arrange a passage.

RICK My letter of transit? I could use a trip. But it doesn’t make any difference about our bet. You still owe me ten thousand francs.

RENAULT And that ten thousand francs should pay our expenses.

RICK Our expenses?

RENAULT Uh huh.

RICK Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.The two walk off together into the night.

FADE OUT:

[Robert Smith]

DAY 10 BOB SMITHS PAGE-TURNER 12821

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

Keeping it a ‘page-turner’ and the usefulness of the Boldness Skill Mastery Sheet. I’ll keep it and use it.

TITLE: “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

CHARACTERS AND TRAITS:

EMIL JANNINGS: His traits are that he is Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible

loss of star-status and for his future career). Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.

Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.

MAJOR KENT KERSHAW Friendly, inquisitive, and professional. Subtext: He has to vet Emil Jannings as to whether or not he needs to be de-nazified.

Logline: Major Kershaw is a fan of actor Emil Jannings and realizes that if

he advises that he needs de-nazification, he would end the acting career of

his idol.

BACKSTORY: The film is a complete flashback of Jannings telling Major Kershaw what led to his deciding to do propaganda films for the Nazis. Kershaw is part of a panel that must deduce from the record and Jannings’ testimony itself whether or not Jannings needs to be de-nazified which would include keeping Jannings out of the public eye and therefor ending his acting career.

INT. US ARMY HEADQUARTERS – OFFICE OF MAJOR KERSHAW – DAY

Jannings is still seated before Kershaw at his desk, Kershaw opens a file folder that has extensive paperwork in it, about Jannings, it is, in effect, “The Jannings Dossier.”

JANNINGS

So, that is my story.

Kershaw is suspicious – Jannings is hiding something.

KERSHAW

Thank you for bringing me behind the scenes of

“The Blue Angel” I think you answered all questions

I could have asked about.

JANNINGS

You’re welcome. So may I live in the American

Sector and revive my acting career and not be

de-nazified? My acting is all that I have to live for.

KERSHAW

Well, I still have some questions, not about

“The Blue Angel,” but about you.

JANNINGS fidgets, he is unsettled by what Kershaw said.

JANNINGS

I told you everything.

KERSHAW

Which I understand as: You needed to

survive Nazi oppression because you have

a mother of Jewish origin which exposes

you to Nazi persecution. So you chose

survive by hiding in the open, doing Nazi

Propaganda films.

JANNINGS

You understand correctly. So, Major Kershaw,

if you think I should be de-nazified for

appearing in Nazi Propaganda films, remember:

Kurt Gerron made a Nazi Propaganda film for

Hitler while he was at Theriesenstadt. If he had

survived Auschwitz, would you have Kurt

Gerron, a Jew, de-nazified?

KERSHAW

But Gerron was forced to make his film under

Tthe threat of the guard towers of Theriesenstadt

concentration camp. You were under no such

threat.

JANNINGS

You are mistaken, my threat was that if I refuse to

do as the Nazis want, they could put me in a

concentration camp, I, and my family. You don’t

understand, Germany was a police state where

thousands of anti-Nazi Germans were sent to

their deaths all the time. You were not there,

you can not judge me. What would you

have done?

KERSHAW

I’ll ask the questions, Mr. Jannings.

JANNINGS

Well, it is obvious what you should do now.

Leni Rieffenstahl actually made the chief

Propaganda film for Hitler and you officials

did not subject her to de-nazification.

Kershaw churns up pages from the Jannings dossier until he finds the place he needs.

KERSHAW

But according to your record, you did something

That Leni Rieffenstahl never did.

Kershaw finds the place he was looking for.

Jannings is silenced, apprehensive.

KERSHAW (Cont’d)

You campaigned for the Nazi Party in the

Reichstag elections of 1938. The same year

As Kristallnacht.

JANNINGS

Kristallnacht was months after the election.

KERSHAW

But it was the climate that created Kristallnacht,

And the elected officials for whom you

campaigned, gave its approval for the

destruction of the Jewish community on that night.

Was your campaign for them, also, your way

of hiding in the open and assuage your fear that

you might suffer a similar fate?

JANNINGS

Yes, it was.

KERSHAW

It pains me to have to say, that in campaigning

For the Nazi’s in ’38, and then accepting your

title of “Artist of the (Nazi) State” – you will

have to be de-nazified. I am sorry. I will

always admire you as an actor and your

performance in “The Blue Angel,”

JANNINGS

So, now you end my acting career.

KERSHAW

You ended it with your choices. You could

have come to America. You know of the success

of Conrad Veidt, Peter Lorre, Hedy Lamarr,

even Marlene Dietrich. Their accent was to

prove not an obstacle but an asset.

JANNINGS

Call it overdue, but I want to go to America,

But you end my acting career.

KERSHAW

You may live in the American Sector, but you

may not appear in public.

JANNINGS

Meaning, no stage plays, no films.

Kershaw nods yes.

Jannings rises, Kershaw, rises.

Jannings embraces his Oscar, much as his character, Professor Rath embraced his classroom desk at the end of “The Blue Angel.”

Jannings crosses to exit, in the same slow and doleful way he, as Rath walked at the end of

“The Blue Angel.”

SFX: A final playback of Dietrich singing “Falling in Love Again.”

During the song, role final title cards:

THE END

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star

on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made a number of

acclaimed motion pictures before ending their partnership in 1935. Dietrich condemned

Hitler and Nazism. She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as

they marched against the German Army.

Role Credits:

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Adding 'The End' just to make sure it's clear

[Robert Smith]

DAY 8 BOB SMITHS EXGTREME EMOTION!”

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

…Is the way that slight coloration of dialogue and description keeps the reader’s

and the audience’ attention. What I did in the assignment was rewrite an existing scene and applied the three keys of economy, emotional essence, and internal state.

EMIL JANNINGS: His traits are that he is Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible

loss of star-status and for his future career). Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.

Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.

MAJOR KENT KERSHAW Friendly, inquisitive, and professional. Subtext: He has to vet Emil Jannings as to whether or not he needs to be de-nazified.

Logline: Major Kershaw is a fan of actor Emil Jannings and realizes that if

he advises that he needs de-nazification, he would end the acting career of

his idol.

REVISED SCENE

Super: BERLIN – AMERICAN SECTOR – AUGUST 1945

EXT. POST WORLD WAR 2 BERLIN AMERICAN SECTOR U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY.

Letters on the façade spell, U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS.

TWO UNIFORMED MILITARY POLICE (M.P.’s) are on guard duty at the gate.

The figure of a man emerges from the rubble, walking toward the M. P.’s. He is EMIL JANNINGS, age 60. He clutches eagerly – or desperately – to an Oscar statuette.

The M. P.’s put their rifles at the ready to aim and shoot.

M. P. #1

(displaying his rifle)

Halt. Who goes there?

JANNINGS

(brandishing the Oscar statuette)

Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!

The M. P.’s ease up and cross to welcome Jannings.

JANNINGS

Thank you, officers. I am Emil Jannings.

M. P. #1

The actor?

JANNINGS

“Best Actor” for “Last Command” and “The

Way of All Flesh.” It’s written right here on the

Oscar.

M. P. #2

We still need to see your papers.

JANNINGS

The Russians bombed Berlin back to the Stone

Age and now you want official papers?! I have

no official papers. I hoped the Oscar

would suffice to confirm my identity.

M.P. #1

Of course it does. Why have you come here?

JANNINGS

Isn’t it obvious? Why else do people appeal

to America but for freedom!

M. P. #2

He needs to be vetted.

JANNINGS

Vetted?

M. P. #2

You have nothing to fear, unless, you have

something to hide.

JANNINGS

What makes you think I might have something

to hide?

M. P. #2

I didn’t say I thought you had something to hide.

Everybody has to be vetted. You have to speak

with Major Kershaw. Follow me.

JANNINGS

“Major Kershaw”?

M. P. #2

Major Kent Kershaw.

M. P. #2 escorts Jannings through the gate and up to the front door of headquarters.

They enter.

INT. U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – OFFICE – DAY.

Jannings is seated like a school boy at the desk of Major Kent Kershaw, whose name and rank are on a name plate facing Jannings. Jannings has placed his Oscar on the Major’s desk. Kershaw is seated at his desk, facing Jannings whom he admires.

KERSHAW

It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Jannings. “The

Blue Angel” is one of my favorite movies. Your

performance was superb. I am surprised you did

not win an Oscar.

JANNINGS

I am surprised an Oscar did not go to Miss

Dietrich’s legs.

Both share an up-tight laugh. Kershaw’s is sympathy laughter. Jannings’ is just laughing at his own joke.

KERSHAW

I’d like to know about the making of “The

Blue Angel.” But we have things to discuss.

What are you seeking by coming to our

Headquarters?

JANNINGS

I would like political asylum and I hope

to revive my acting career. In fact, I may

want to go back to America. I lived in

Hollywood, you know.

KERSHAW

Well, to give you the privileges you

request, you have to appear before a panel of

which I am a member.

JANNINGS

Oh, yes. That’s this “vet” business. But

what can I possibly tell you?

KERSHAW

You are one of the finest actors of our time.

But with all due respect, Mr. Jannings, you must

explain how did an actor – a manof your stature

allow himself to be used by the Nazis in

propaganda films?

JANNINGS

That’s easy. I did it in order to survive. Had I

refused to be in the propaganda films, the

Gestapo would have carted me off to

God- knows-where. I am now sixty years old.

I put up with twelve years under Hitler. I do not

want to live in the Soviet Sector for the rest of

my life under Stalin. That’s why I am here.

KERSHAW

Tell me about it. All due respect, sir, but the

panel must be satisfied that you do not need

de-nazification.

JANNINGS

“De-nazification”? But I never was a Nazi!

KERSHAW

Tell me, how it happened that you were used by

the Nazis?

JANNINGS

Well, I’ll tell it as best as I can remember. You’ll

be glad to know, in fact, it goes back to the time we

were making “The Blue Angel.” It was 1929, your

Stock Market crash was devastating to Germany.

Nazi Party membership soared. I experienced the

violence of the Stormtroopers, first hand. It was on

an evening, early in the production, when Marlene

Dietrich treated us all to a night on the town. Marlene

and I still got along at that time. It wouldn’t last.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – NIGHT

MARLENE DIETRICH makes a bold entrance to a seated gathering of Director VON STERNBERG, and actors, KURT GERRON, HANS ALBERS, and Jannings where she announces her grand invitation.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S HOOKS

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

If you don’t have any hooks, look deeper or brainstorm, they are there and are magic when it comes to holding a reader’s or audience’ attention.

THE HOOKS TO MY OPENING SCENES ARE THE STRONGEST I HAVE CREATED THAT OPEN THE WHOLE STORY.

CHARACTER TRAITS AND SCL

EMIL JANNINGS: His traits are that he is Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible

loss of star-status and for his future career). Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.

Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.

MAJOR KENT KERSHAW Friendly, inquisitive, and professional. Subtext: He has to vet Emil Jannings as to whether or not he needs to be de-nazified.

Logline: Major Kershaw is a fan of actor Emil Jannings and realizes that if

he advises that he needs de-nazification, he would end the acting career of

his idol.

EXT. POST WORLD WAR 2 BERLIN AMERICAN SECTOR U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY.

Letters on the façade spell, U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS.

TWO UNIFORMED MILITARY POLICE (M.P.’s) are on guard duty at the gate.

The figure of a man emerges from the rubble, walking toward the M. P.’s. He is EMIL JANNINGS, age 60. He carries an Oscar statuette.

The M. P.’s put their rifles at the ready to aim and shoot.

M. P. #1

(displaying his rifle)

Halt. Who goes there?

JANNINGS

(brandishing the Oscar statuette)

Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!

The M. P.’s ease up and cross to welcome Jannings.

JANNINGS

Thank you, officers. I am Emil Jannings.

M. P. #1

The actor?

JANNINGS

“Best Actor” for “Last Command” and “The

Way of All Flesh.”

M. P. #2

We need to see your papers.

JANNINGS

You bombed Berlin back to the Stone Age and now

you want official papers?! I have no official papers.

I hoped the Oscar would suffice to confirm my

identity.

M.P. #1

Of course it does. Why have you come here?

JANNINGS

Isn’t it obvious? Why else do people appeal

to America but for freedom!

M. P. #2

He needs to be vetted.

JANNINGS

Vetted?

M. P. #2

You have nothing to fear, unless, you have

something to hide.

JANNINGS

What makes you think I might have something

to hide?

M. P. #2

I didn’t say I thought you had something to hide.

Everybody has to be vetted. You have to speak

with Major Kershaw, Mr. Jannings. Follow me.

JANNINGS

“Major Kershaw”?

M. P. #2

Major Kent Kershaw.

M. P. #2 escorts Jannings through the gate and up to the front door of headquarters.

They enter.

INT. U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – OFFICE – DAY.

Jannings is seated at the desk of Major Kent Kershaw, whose name and rank are on a name plate facing Jannings. Jannings has placed his Oscar on the Major’s desk. Kershaw is seated

at the desk, facing Jannings.

KERSHAW

It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Jannings. “The

Blue Angel” is one of my favorite movies. Your

performance was superb. I am surprised you did

not win an Oscar.

JANNINGS

I am surprised an Oscar did not go to Miss

Dietrich’s legs.

Both share an up-tight laugh. Kershaw’s is sympathy laughter. Jannings’ is just laughing at his own joke.

KERSHAW

I’d like to know about the making of “The

Blue Angel.” But we have things to discuss.

What are you seeking by coming to our

Headquarters?

JANNINGS

I would like political asylum and I hope

to revive my acting career. In fact, I may

want to go back to America. I lived in

Hollywood, you know.

KERSHAW

Well, to give you the privileges you

request, you have to be vetted.

JANNINGS

What is vetted?

KERSHAW

You must demonstrate to a panel of which I am

A member that you do not need de-nazification?

My principal question is: How did an actor –

a man of your stature allow himself to be used

by the Nazis in propaganda films?

JANNINGS

That’s easy. I did it in order to survive. Had I

refused, the Gestapo would have carted me off to

God- knows-where. I am sixty years old, now.

I put up with twelve years under Hitler. I do not

want to live in the Soviet Sector for the rest of

my life under Stalin. That’s why I am here.

KERSHAW

Tell me all about it. We must be satisfied that

you do not need de-nazification.

JANNINGS

De-nazifiecation? I never was a Nazi.

KERSHAW

Tell me how it happened that you were used by

the Nazis

JANNINGS

Well, I’ll tell it as best as I can remember. You’ll

be glad to know, in fact, it goes back to the time of

the making of “The Blue Angel.” It was 1929, your

Stock Market crash was devastating to Germany.

Nazi Party membership soared. I experienced the

violence of the Stormtroopers, first hand. It was on

an evening, early in the production, when Marlene

Dietrich treated us all to a night on the town. Marlene

and I still got along at that time. It wouldn’t last long.

[Robert Smith]

DAY 3 BOB SMITH’S SUSPENSE

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Wring out scenes for as much suspense as possible.

3. The components:

THE PROMISE: A prediction: The Nazis will take over. A future for Jannings

WHAT MATTERS: Jannings preserving his life in a changing Germany as Nazism increases. His having a future acting career.

THE DELAY: The Nazis themselves and their plans for the future of Germany to which Jannings knows he will have to yield. It is a dangerous situation.

This is a sequence of two scenes.

Character traits, subtext and Character Loglines of the characters involved:

EMIL JANNINGS: His traits are that he is Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible

loss of star-status and for his future career). Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.

Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.

ALFRED HUGENBERG: His traits are that he is pompous, unpleasant. Subtext: Wants his own way as studio chief.

LOGLINE: A wolf in exective clothing and everybody is a sheep to him.

KURT GERRON: He plays the Magician in “The Blue Angel.” Traits: Affable, amiable; Subtext: Conciliatory.

Logline: If Santa Claus were clean shaven, younger and Jewish, he would be Kurt Gerron; a real show business trouper who spreads joy.

HANS ALBERS: He plays Mazepa the strongman in “The Blue Angel” Traits: Intelligent, cautious. Subtext: conceals rather than speaks.

LOGLINE: A dashing young actor with a future who is building it by acting in “The Blue Angels.”

“The Blue Angel” has just wrapped. There is a wrap party with all the principals present. However, Emil Jannings, concerned about his future, slips away from the party to speak with the studio chief ALFRED HUGENBERG in his office about his career possibilities.

INT. OFFICE OF STUDIO CHIEF – DAY

ALFRED HUGENBERG, the CEO of Ufa Studios is seated at his desk.

Emil Jannings enters.

HUGENBERG

Emil. Why aren’t you at the wrap party?

JANNINGS

I’m coming from there. I have business that I need to discuss with you.

HUGENBERG

What business is that?

JANNINGS

Sir, about my future in films. I can’t work in America because my

accent excludes me from talkies. I have come to my homeland

and it is the only country in which I can work.

HUGENBERG

A great actor like you will find work. Germany’s future will belong to the Nazi party. And. Herr Goebbels wants to develop a whole new film industry. I know for a fact that both he and Herr Hitler admire you. They would be glad to see you as a part of their creative plans. There’s your future. And the future of the rest of

us.

JANNINGS

(with fear and uncertainty)

Oh, I see.

HUGENBERG

(misunderstanding Jannings)

Well, I am glad you do. Now you can ditch Sternberg

and his Jewish Hollywood Cinema. I don’t want to mix with him. That’s why I’m not at the party. I don’t care how much the studio makes of his taudry little pornographic film.

JANNINGS

But what about our Jewish colleagues in the film industry?

What about Kurt Gerron?

HUGENBERG

If there were more Jews like Kurt Gerron, Germany would not have a Jewish problem. Be patient, Emil. You have a future. So do all of us, in a new Germany.

JANNINGS

Thank you so much, Mr. Hugenberg.

HUGENBERG

“Al”

JANNINGS

Al.

HUGENBERG

Well, let’s drink to it with the best brandy in

Berlin.

Hugenberg goes to a shelf behind his desk where a decanter and glasses are placed. Hugenberg pours a brandy for Jannings and after handing the glass to Jannings, pours one for himself. Hugenberg, lifts his glass. As does Jannings. Hugenberg makes a toast

HUGENBERG

To our future.

They clink glasses and drink.

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” THE WRAP PARTY – DAY

Albers and Gerron are sitting alone at one of the many tables of “The Blue Angel” set that is now being used for the party.

Emil enters, flushed and sweating as he returns to the party from meeting with Hugenberg. He crosses directly to Gerron and Albers and sits with them.

ALBERS

Emil, you look like you saw a ghost.

JANNINGS

I did. Like Scrooge. I visited the Ghost of

Germany yet to come. And he is Alfred

Hugenberg, the head of this studio. I didn’t

realize he was a supporter of the Nazis.

GERRON

I knew it! He always avoided von Sternberg and

myself. What is it we have in common besides
“The Blue Angel”? Hint: Another word for Hebrew.

JANNINGS

Well, that’s strange. But he spoke fondly of you.

Well, he had a strange way of saying so. He said, “If there

were more Jews like Kurt Gerron, Germany

would not have a Jewish problem.”

GERRON

Ah-hah. That’s not fondness. That’s what we call

“selective anti-semitism.”

ALBERS

I’m surprised, gentlemen, that you were not

aware of the politics of Alfred Hugenberg. His’

contributions to the party were well noted by

The press. Why did you leave the party to see

Hugenberg?

JANNINGS

To discuss the future of my career.

GERRON

What did he say?

JANNINGS

Exactly what I feared. He said the future will

be in the new German Film Industry that will be

led by Josef Goebbels, who, he said, admires me,

as does Hitler.

GERRON

Well, then, remember what was said by Rabbi

Prinz, it is permissible to cooperate with the

Nazis to preserve your life as long as no other

life is taken.

JANNINGS

It may not be so simple. Art for the Nazis will be

anathema to the whole world and anyone cooperating

will be deemed a whore for Hitler’s film industry.

GERRON

Emil, they will understand. If you refuse to work

with them, your life and your family would suffer.

ALBERS

Then, God help us all. I still have to figure out

How to keep Hansi safe.

GERRON

Peter Lorre told me if the Nazis take over, he’ll go

to America. We all have a great deal to plan for.

The big word for it all is HOW DO WE SURVIVE.

[Robert Smith]

DAY 2 BOB SMITH’S ANTICIPATORY DIALOGUE

What I learned is…?

Look for every opportunity to add anticipation of what is to come.

This is a sequence of five scenes.

Character traits, subtext and Character Loglines of the characters involved:

EMIL JANNINGS: His traits are that he is Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible

loss of star-status and for his future career). Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.

Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.

MARLENE DIETRICH: Her Traits: Ambitious, creative, subservient (to director, von Sternberg). Subtext: Domineering (publicly); subservient to von Sternberg; contemptuous of Jannings.

Logline: Dietrich is the unknown discovered by director, von Sternberg and cast in the prominent role of showgirl Lola Lola whom he grooms for her role and for future stardom, although she is in a feud with the film’s star (Emil Jannings).

JOSEF von STERNBERG: Traits: Perfectionist, artistic, exacting.

Subtext: Demanding.

Logline: Josef von Sternberg is the celebrated director of “The Blue Angel” who cast his discovery Marlene Dietrich as Lola Lola in defiance of the studio brass and the star (Emil Jannings) and now find himself in a relationship of both lover and mentor of Dietrich while trying to direct “The Blue Angel” and play referee in a feud between Jannings and Dietrich.T

KURT GERRON: He plays the Magician in “The Blue Angel.” Traits: Affable, amiable; Subtext: Conciliatory.

Logline: If Santa Claus were clean shaven, younger and Jewish, he would be Kurt Gerron; a real show business trouper who spreads joy.

HANS ALBERS: He plays Mazepa the strongman in “The Blue Angel” Traits: Intelligent, cautious. Subtext: conceals rather than speaks.

LOGLINE: A dashing young actor with a future who is building it by acting in “The Blue Angels.”

HEINRICH MANN: He is the author of “Professor Unrat” which is the novel on which “The Blue Angel” is based. Traits: Bookish and peevish. Jealous of living in his brother’s (Thomas Mann) shadow. Angry at von Sternberg for not casting his mistress in the role of Lola Lola and giving it instead to Marlene Dietrich. Subtext: Angry and trouble making.

LOGLINE: The angry author who tries to sabotage “The Blue Angel” because he fears it has mangled his novel on which the film is based.

INT. THE STUDIO SCREENING ROOM – DAY

The room is dark except for a shaft of light onto the screen on which the dailies are being projected. Watching the dailies and sitting in the dark, are HEINRICH MANN, author of “Professor Unrat” the novel on which “The Blue Angel” is based and Emil Jannings, the star of “The Blue Angel” who is smoking a cigarette.

We see on screen, the image of Dietrich (as Lola Lola) remove a hoop dress exposing her legs, in addition to her top piece of the costume, she wears only panties. We see Jannings (as the Professor) admiring her but embarrassed

Janning seated next to Dietrich at the cluttered table, drops a cigarette box, he bends down onto the floor and begins picking up cigarettes, getting a good look at Dietrich’s legs.

Next we see Dietrich climb the spiral staircase to her apartment. As she reaches the top step, at which point we only see her legs on the staircase, she slips off her panties and drops them on to the shoulder of the unsuspecting professor (Jannings).

Next we see Dietrich (as Lola Lola), now wearing what looks like a black bottom of a two piece bathing suit and a dark blouse, climbing up on boxes to reach a top box for a costume.

Next, Dietrich is in costume for the next act. She seductively says to Jannings, “How do you like me now?”

The dailies end. The lights fade in full. Jannings, still smoking turns to Mann.

JANNINGS

You like it?

MANN

I liked Miss Dietrich’s legs. But that’s

The problem. Miss Dietrich’s legs

dominate every scene. May I have a

cigarette?

Jannings puls out his gold cigarette box and opens it. Mann takes a cigarette. Jannings lights it for him. Mann puffs on it nervously.

JANNINGS

What do you mean Miss Dietrich’s legs dominate

Every scene?

MANN

Can’t you see it? Mr. von Sternberg is mangling my novel into a pornographic film – and you can tell him that for me.

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

STERNBERG

(cojoling)

Emil, every author complains about how the

director turns his precious words into something

different, but “pornography”? It’s absurd!

JANNINGS

It’s what he thinks. The distributors and audiences may think so

too. I thought you should know.

STERNBERG

Emil, to portray Lola Lola as seductive is not pornography.

In order to show how your character and the school boys

are smitten by her, I have to portray her as seductive. There is

something else about Heinrich Mann, when his girl friend

auditioned for the part of Lola Lola, I rejected her and cast

Marlene in the role.

JANNINGS

I was not aware. I always benefit from our discussions. But.

You never seem to be available to me or other members of the cast.

Only Marlene.

STERNBERG

Of course. You are the seasoned actor and the star. She is the novice who needs special support and direction. It would be

helpful if you, as the star, lent your support to her, as well.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY.

It is another day during a break on the set.

Jannings, Gerron, and Albers are present.

JANNINGS

Sergei Eisenstein! Buster Keaton! We have had

every great director visit the set of “The Blue

Angel,” except the director of “The Blue Angel.”

Except when he has a scene to shoot.

GERRON

I wouldn’t be concerned about this, Emil.

I just follow his direction and act until he likes

it and he says, “Cut. Print.” By the way, I have

news that will interest –

ALBERS

(onterrupting)

In the end, we all must support each other. And.

Actors must support the director.

GERRON

And you have been very supportive, Hans.

JANNINGS

Yes. Even though your scenes are not scheduled

to be shot as yet, you are on the set every day to

support us. You have been a true friend.

ALBERS

Then, as I friend, I must tell you, Emil, your

complaints about the director and his

relationship, whatever it is, with Marlene

are noticed by many. Your feeling snubbed

as the star and walking off the set – twice –

is doing no good for the production, or yourself.

GERRON

Gentlemen, I do have something important to share.

JANNINGS

What can be more important than the directorial

malpractice on the set of a major motion picture?

GERRON

The question about how to survive the Nazis.

Remember our talk a the Club Silhouette after
Hirschfeld’s prophesy of Nazi rule. The Question:

Is it morally permissible to cooperate with an enemy

in order to save your own life and the lives of others. I finally went to Temple and asked Rabbi Prinz.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. A SPLENDID REFORMED TEMPLE IN BERLIN – NIGHT

It is the traditional Sabbath Eve Kabalat Shabbat service of Friday evening. The service is concluding with a robust singling of the Yigdal hymn. Everyone in the congregation is standing, even those whose seats are on the Bema on either side of the Ark. Those seated at the Bema include RABBI JOACHIM PRINZ, 30, a charismatic Rabbi, THE CANTOR to the right of the Ark, and on the left, the SYNAGOGUE PRESIDENT, and another LAY OFFICER.

Standing in the congregation, Gerron himself is robust in lending his professional voice to the singing of the Yigdal.

As the hymn comes to an end, Rabbi Prinz, crosses to the center of the Bema, top step, and pronounces the final blessing with uplifted hands over the congregation.

PRINZ

“The Lord Bless you and keep you.

The Lord make his face to shine upon

you and be gracious unto you. The Lord

Lift up the light of his countenance upon

you and give you peace”

CONGREGATION

Omayn.

PRINZ

Shabbat Shalom.

CONGREGATION

Shabbat Shalom.

Prinz steps down from the Bema and shakes hands with a few congregants, one of which is a child whom he bends low to the child’s level to address.

Gerron crosses to Prinz.

PRINZ

Ah, Kurt. I am so glad to see you. You had

told me you had a question.

GERRON

Yes. I do.

PRINZ

Well, join me near the Holy Ark and the Eternal Light anf

Prinz leads Gerron up onto the Bema. Prinz sits at his his seat and prayer desk. Gerron takes the Cantor’s seat.

GERRON

Rabbi, like everyone, I am concerned about the rise of

Nazism. I fear they will rule Germany. My question, is it

permissible to cooperate with the Nazis as a way to protect

one’s own life and that of my loved ones.

PRINZ

If it cannot be avoided, as long as no lives are taken,

it is permissible. In Spain, Portugal, and the New

World, there are Secret Jews who outwardly were

Christian to save themselves from the Inquisition.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY (as before)

JANNINGS

May we never have to face it, but it is good to know

That your eminent Rabbi’s opinion is that it is

permissible to collaborate with the Nazis in order to

survive. Let’s hope we are not faced with such a choice.

GERRON

Yes. But. I fear Hirschfeld’s premonition about the Nazis will come to pass.

[Robert Smith]

PS80 DAY 1 BOB SMITH’S ANTICIPATION SCENE

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

A: Study the masters to learn the devices that create great screenplays and the ever-needed page-turning techniques.

FADE IN:

INSERT – A revolving globe. When it stops revolving it turnsbriefly into a contour map of Europe, then into a flat map.Superimposed over this map are scenes of refugees fleeing from all sections of Europe by foot, wagon, auto, and boat, and allconverging upon one point on the tip of Africa — Casablanca.Arrows on the map illustrate the routes taken as the voice of a NARRATOR describes the migration.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

With the coming of the Second World War, many eyes in imprisoned Europe turned hopefully, or desperately, toward the freedom of the Americas. Lisbon became the great embarkation point. But not everybody could get to Lisbon directly, and so, a tortuous, roundabout refugee trail sprang up. Paris to Marseilles, across the Mediterranean to Oran, then by train, or auto, or foot, across the rim of Africa to Casablanca in French Morocco. Here, the fortunate ones, through money, or influence, or luck, might obtain exit visas and scurry to Lisbon, and from Lisbon to the New World. But the others wait in Casablanca — and wait — and wait — and wait.

NOTE: The introduction sets the context of refugees yearning for freedom as they escape Nazi tyranny. We anticipate struggle in a context of danger from advancing Nazism upon innocent and vulnerabile freedom-seeking refugees.

The narrator’s voice fade away…

CUT TO:

EXT. OLD MOORISH SECTION OF THE CITY – DAY

At first only the turrets and rooftops are visible againsta torrid sky.The facades of the Moorish buildings give way to a narrow, twisting street crowded with the polyglot life of a native quarter. The intense desert sun holds the scene in a torpid tranquility. Activity is unhurried and sounds are muted.

NOTE: A destination of uncertainty sets an anticipation of uncertainty

CUT TO:

INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

A POLICE OFFICER takes a piece of paper from the typewriter,turns to a microphone, and reads.

2.

POLICE OFFICER

To all officers! Two German couriers carrying important official documents murdered on train from Oran. Murderer and possible accomplices headed for Casablanca. Round up all suspicious characters and search them for stolen documents. Important!

NOTE: A destination of intrigue and danger is anticipated. A crime has been committed but by whom?

CUT TO:

EXT. A STREET IN THE OLD MOORISH SECTION – DAY

An officer BLOWS his whistle several times.

There is pandemonium as native guards begin to round up people.

A police car, full of officers, with SIREN BLARING, screamsthrough the street and stops in the market.

Some try to escape but are caught by the police and loaded into a police wagon.

At a street corner TWO POLICEMEN stop a white CIVILIAN andquestion him.

FIRST POLICEMAN

May we see your papers?

CIVILIAN

(nervously)

I don’t think I have them on me.

FIRST POLICEMAN

In that case, we’ll have to ask you to come along.

The civilian pats his pockets.

CIVILIAN

Wait. It’s just possible that I… Yes, here they are.

He brings out his papers. The second policeman examines them.

SECOND POLICEMAN

These papers expired three weeks ago. You’ll have to come along.

Suddenly the civilian breaks away and starts to run wildly down the street. The policeman SHOUTS “Halt”, but the civilian keeps going.JAN and ANNINA BRANDEL, a very young and attractive refugee couple from Bulgaria, watch as the civilian passes. They’vebeen thrust by circumstances from a simple country life into an unfamiliar and hectic world. A shot RINGS out, and the man falls to the ground.

Above him, painted on the wall, is a large poster of MarshalPetain, which reads: “Je tiens mes promesses, meme cellesdes autres.”The policeman frantically searches the body, but only finds Free French literature.

NOTE: In addition to advancing Nazi tyranny there is also the danger faced by refugees from the local despotism of the authorities in “occupied French territory.” Anticipation raises the necessary question: Is there no hope for the innocent refugees?

CUT TO:

EXT. PALAIS DE JUSTICE – DAY

We see an inscription carved in a marble block along the roof line of the building: “Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite” We see the the facade, French in architecture, then the high-vaulted entrance which is inscribed “Palais de Justice”.At the entrance the arrested suspects are led in by thepolice.

NOTE: The local hypocrisy anticipates corruption that will be oppressive to the freedom-seeking.

CUT TO:

EXT. SIDEWALK CAFE – DAY

A middle-aged ENGLISH COUPLE sit at a table just off thesquare, and observe the commotion across the way in front of the Palais de Justice.The police van pulls up. The rear doors are opened andpeople stream out.A EUROPEAN man, sitting at a table nearby, watches the English couple more closely than the scene on the street.

ENGLISHWOMAN

What on earth’s going on there?

ENGLISHMAN

I don’t know, my dear.

The European walks over to the couple.

EUROPEAN

Pardon, pardon, Monsieur, pardon

4. Madame, have you not heard?

ENGLISHMAN

We hear very little, and we understand even less.

EUROPEAN

Two German couriers were found murdered in the desert… the unoccupied desert. This is the customary roundup of refugees, liberals, and uh, of course, a beautiful young girl for Monsieur Renault, the Prefect of Police.

NOTE: With this line we anticipate the corrupt Monsieur Renault to have a role in this mix of danger and intrigue.

CUT TO:

EXT. PALAIS DE JUSTICE – DAY

Suspects are herded out of the van, and into the Palaisde Justice.

CUT TO:

EXT. SIDEWALK CAFE – DAY

EUROPEAN

Unfortunately, along with these

unhappy refugees the scum of

Europe has gravitated to

Casablanca. Some of them have been waiting years for a visa.

He puts his left arm compassionately around the Englishman,and reaches behind the man with his right hand.

EUROPEAN

I beg of you, Monsieur, watch

yourself. Be on guard. This place

is full of vultures, vultures everywhere, everywhere.

The Englishman seems to be taken aback by this sudden displayof concern.

ENGLISHMAN

Ha, ha, thank you, thank you

very much.

EUROPEAN

Not at all. Au revoir, Monsieur. Au revoir, Madame.

He leaves. The Englishman, still a trifle disconcerted by the European’s action, watches him as he leaves.

ENGLISHMAN

Au revoir. Amusing little fellow. Waiter!

As he pats both his breast and pants pockets he realizes there is something missing.

ENGLISHMAN

Oh. How silly of me.

ENGLISHWOMAN

What, dear?

ENGLISHMAN

I’ve left my wallet in the hotel.

ENGLISHWOMAN

Oh.

Suddenly the Englishman looks off in the direction of thedeparted European, the clouds of suspicion gathering.

NOTE: The above is a comic relief scene but the interaction of the characters spells danger all around from which nobody is invulnerable, even the tourist/visitor.

Interrupting overhead is the DRONE of a low flying airplane.They look up.

CUT TO:

EXT. OVERHEAD SHOT – DAY

An airplane cuts its motor for landing.

CUT TO:

EXT. PALAIS DE JUSTICE – DAY

Refugees wait in line outside the Palais de Justice. Their upturned gaze follows the flight of the plane. In theirfaces is revealed one hope they all have in common, and the plane is the symbol of that hope.

Jan and Annina look up at the plane.

ANNINA

wistfully)

Perhaps tomorrow we’ll be on that plane.

NOTE: The couple has hope to get out of this city of danger and intrigue. This brief exchange is a harbinger of what we may see them endure.

CUT TO:

EXT. OVERHEAD SHOT – DAY

The plane SWOOPS down past a sign atop a building at the edge of the airport. The sign reads “Rick’s Cafe Americain.”

NOTE: The arc of anticipation is now nearly complete. “Rick’s Café Americain” signals a location which the story will unfold among those who frequent this “night spot. The anticipation is heightened in the next scene with the arrival of the villainous Nazi officer (Major Strasser) even though this is ‘unoccupied French territory.” We soon learn he is in Casablanca re: who is the murderer of the German couriers. The arrest is planned for Rick’s club Americain that night.

The story is moved forward and the anticipation of what is to come keep it a page-turner.

[Robert Smith]

PS80 DAY 6 BOB SMITHS AMAZING SETTINGS

What I learned doing this assignment was…?

Always question the original setting you envisioned for the scene.

Here is the outline of my screenplay, “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of ‘The Blue Angel’” with ratings of settings.

Scene 1

EXT. US ARMY HEADQUARTERS BERLIN –DAY

Rating 10. The setting is amazing because it and the entrance of Emil Jannings are as they were with Jannings waving an Oscar pleading to the guards, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

Scene 2.

INT. US ARMY HEADQUARTERS BERLIN –DAY

Rating: 8. It is amazing and useful as something like this must have happened and there is an air of interrogation raising the moral issue of why did Jannings cooperate with the Nazis propaganda film industry.

Office of Maj. Kent Kershaw who interrogates Jannings as to whether or not he needs to be de-nazified. Crucial question: Why did he perform in Nazi Propaganda films?

Scene 3

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” –

Rating: 5. Useful and functional and logical setting: Dietrich invites the director and leading actors of he movie to a night on the town.

Scene 4

INT. SABRI MAHIR’S BOXING STUDIO (GYM) – NIGHT

Rating: 7. The boxing gym is where Dietrich will lose weight as director Sternberg has ordered. She has already taken up intensive boxing exercise. The boxing setting also is backdrop for the budding feud between Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich.

Scene 5

INT. THE CLUB SILHOUETTE – NIGHT

Rating 10. This is the gay cabaret frequented by Show Business people. The entertainment inside the club is contrasted with the attack upon the club’s exterior by Nazi Brown Shirts which precipitates the ‘crucible question’ – will we have to cooperate with the Nazis in order to survive under their rule.

Scene 6

INT. THE VON STERNBERG APARTMENT – NIGHT.

Rating: 7. This scene happened in the von Sternberg apartment. The apartment is the location where the exchange occurs between Von Sternberg and his wife, actress Riza Royce, who asks him why he doesn’t divorce her and marry Dietrich. Von Sternberg answers, “I’d sooner share a phone booth with a cobra”! The home setting accentuates the disruption to marital tranquility in the von Sternberg home.

Scene 7

INT. THE GREAT SYNAGOGUE OF BERLIN – DAY

Rating 8. Originally only in an office I have elevated the scene to the interior of a synagogue to have all the trimmings of Jewish religious authority surrounding Kurt Gerron and Rabbi Joachim Prinz as they discusss the crucible question: Is it permissible to cooperate with an enemy when the purpose is to save your own life and the lives of others?

Scene 8

INT. THE SCREENING ROOM – DAY

Rating 5: The scene includes reenactments of scenes from “The Blue Angel” and mixed reactions by Emil Jannings and Heinrich Mann, the author of the novel on which “The Blue Angel” is based. Mann complains to Emil Jannings that von Sternberg has taken his novel and turned it into a pornographic film because all that dominates the movie, he says, are “Miss Dietrich’s naked thighs. And you can tell that to Mr. von Sternberg for me.” This is exactly what Jannings does in the next scene.

Scene 9

INT. STUDIO SET OF ‘THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

Rating 5: The setting is logical. Jannings tells von Sternberg what Heinrich Mann said but von Sternberg is unfazed. Yet, Jannings believes that von Sternberg has not only allowed Dietrich’s domination of the film but also domination of his time and attention. Von Sternberg defends himself by saying that Dietrich is the novice and needs attention but that it would be good for Jannings, as the star of the film to give her more support.

Jannings is still not satisfied and complains to Gerron and Albers. They try to reassure Jannings, but to no avail. Gerron meanwhile explains to Albers and Jannings that Rabbi Prinz said it is morally permissible to cooperate with Nazis in order to save lives as long as no other lives are taken as a result.

Scene 11

INT. STUDIO SET OF THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

Rating 5. It is the filming of the strangulation scene and can occur no where else but on

that set. What happens is Jannings really hurts Dietrich. This prompts von Sternberg to speak

with both actors to form a partnership to make this a work of art.

Scene 12

INT. STUDIO SE OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

Rating 9: The only place this scene could occur for the reenactment of Dietrich’s classic “Falling in Love Again” and Jannings’ scene of the Professor’s death in ruin. Dietrich and Jannings support each other, The benefit of this setting is that the audience will see the many people off-camera who react to the brilliant acting and are supportive of them both.

Scene 13

INT. STUDIO OFFICE OF ALFRED HUGENBERG – DAY.

Rating 9: Studio Chief Hugenberg is a Nazi supporter. Jannings leaves the wrap party to ask him about future work. The setting mirrors the opening interrogation of Jannings by Major Kershaw. Hugenberg advises Jannings to make films for the Nazis.

Scene 14

INT. KERSHAW’S OFFICE – DAY (as in second scene).

Rathing 10: Perfect setting (like a courtroom) for Jannings’ apologia and the damning

evidence of Kershaw that Jannings was more than someone trying to survive, but was pro-Nazi

and would have to be de-nazified – a crushing blow to Jannings as de-nazification will result in the end of his theatrical career.

TWO EXAMPLES THAT SHOW THE BIGEEST IMPROVEMENT IN THE SETTING:

Scene 7

INT. THE GREAT SYNAGOGUE OF BERLIN – DAY

The crucible question on cooperation with the Nazis for self preservation.

BEFORE:

The essence of the Scene: The crucible question, “Is it permissible under Jewish law to cooperate with the Nazis in order to save one’s own life and the lives of loved ones?” and the answer of Rabbi Prinz.

The Setting: Originally the Rabbi’s study on any day.

AFTER:

New setting: The synagogue.

How this has improved he scene: The sacred space enhances the dignity of the crucible question and the Rabbi’s reply. The drama is heightened by the stirring sounds of Hebrew hymnody and the surrounding symbols of Jewish religion and law. The new setting in the Synagogue rather than an office, enhances the scene essence.

Scene 8

INT. THE SCREENING ROOM – DAY

BEFORE:

Essence of the Scene: Mann is offended by the film based on his novel and Jannings takes his side.

Setting: Originally, set in the hall outside which did nothing for the drama being intensified.

AFTER:

New setting: The screening room.

How this has improved the scene: The actual setting of a motion picture screening is a whole new world to Heinrich Mann, an author. The flickering images to which Mann and Jannings react are actually seen and commented upon by the two men.

[Robert Smith]

PS80 DAY 7 BOB SMITHS CRUCIBLE

What I learned doing this assignment was…?

A crucible is necessary for a dramatic story and mine has one: Is it morally wrong to collaborate with enemy when it is the only means to save your own and the life of others?

CRUCIBLE SCENE:

Character traits, subtext and Character Loglines:

EMIL JANNINGS: His traits are that he is Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible

loss of star-status and for his future career). Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.

MARLENE DIETRICH: Her Traits: Ambitious, creative, subservient (to director, von Sternberg). Subtext: Domineering (publicly); subservient to von Sternberg; contemptuous of Jannings.

JOSEF von STERNBERG: Traits: Perfectionist, artistic, exacting.

Subtext: Demanding.

KURT GERRON: He plays the Magician in “The Blue Angel.” Traits: Affable, amiable; Subtext: Conciliatory.

HANS ALBERS: He plays Mazepa the strongman in “The Blue Angel” Traits: Intelligent, cautious. Subtext: conceals rather than speaks.

DR. MAGNUS HIRSCHFELD: Known as a sexologist and first ever gay advocate in Germany who also advocates for a more sexually open society. Traits: caring, father-like, warm, and very smart. Subtext: Wants things to be right and for the good in a society that is becoming more Nazi.

The Crucible question is: Is it morally permissible to collaborate with an enemy (the Nazis) if it is to protect your own life and the lives of others?

BACKSTORY TO THE SCENE: Marlene Dietrich is treating director von Sternberg and fellow cast members to a night on the Berlin cabaret scene. They are in the Club Silhouette, a gay cabaret frequented by show people of all orientations. Suddenly,

INT. THE CLUB SILHOUETTE – NIGHT

Emanating from the street outside are the sounds of a marching army. They are the NAZI BROWN SHIRTS who keep march to the tune of the Horst Wessel which they sing.

They halt and stop singing. Next, with curses they hurl rocks through the windows of the club. Glass shatters. The crowd is paralyzed into fearful silence. .

Outside, the Brown Shirts come to order and march forward, again, singing the Horst Wessel. The sounds come to an end.

The crowd in the Club Silhouette is relieved.

Hirschfeld speaks his mind.

HIRSCHFELD

Luckily no one is injured. But when the Nazis take

over – which I fear is inevitable – homosexuals and

Jews will be amihiliated. And I am both.

GERRON

I am also a Jew. And these scum of the earth Nazis

say they are the Master Race. Is it time to go back

to Palestine.

HIRSCHFELD

I am going there next year. I am not religious

but I want to see the land of our heritage. I don’t

think I’ll stay. The Arabs don’t want us there,

even though Jews have lived in the land for thousands

of years, they are killing us.

ALBERS

Well, this effects me. The love of my life is Jewish.

GERRON

I didn’t realize Hansi was Jewish.

HIRSCHFELD

My advice to you is take Hansi and leave Germany.

ALBERS

I can’t live in any other country but Germany – bad

as it may become..

HIRSCHFELD

Then send Hansi abroad for her own safety and hopefully

meet later.

JANNINGS

I am in a similar situation to Hans: My mother is

of Jewish origin. I too need to stay here but how do

I survive the Nazis?

HIRSCHFELD

First of all, tell no one about your mother.

(to Albers)

Same with Hansi. Then, I recommend for your own

sake and the sake of your loved ones, that you

pretend to support the Nazis. You are actors, make

a few films for the Nazis.

JANNINGS

In other words, hide in the open?

GERRON

How far do you go in cooperating with an enemy

when it’s to save you life and the life of your

family? What is morally permissible? I wonder

what a Rabbi would say.

JANNINGS

About what?

GERRON

Is it permissible to collaborate with an enemy

in order to save your life and life of your loved

ones?

ALBERS

I would like to know his answer.

JANNINGS

So would I. I”d like to know the

judgement of a Rabbi.

GERRON

I’ll ask my Rabbi. He is a great ethicist.

STERNBERG

I am not religious, but I am a Jew. This puts me with

all of you in a moral struggle. I’d like to know what a

Rabbi says. Fortunately, for me, the matter is decided.

As soon as we finish “The Blue Angel,” I can get out of

Germany and go home to America, to Hollywood – half a world away from

Herr Hitler and his degenerate mob of Nazi nuts!

DIETRICH

Take me with you.

STERNBERG

With Rudi’s permission, of course.

DIETRICH

Of course.

(to Hirschfeld, Jannings, Albers, and Gerron)

Rudi’s my husband.

STERNBERG

Rudi must come with us. We can get him a

job as an Assistant Director.

[Robert Smith]

DEAR FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES: I WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO EXCHANGE FEEDBACK.

PS80 DAY 10 BOB SMITH IS BEING DRAMATIC

“What I learned is…?” The value of the Dramatic Devices Mastery sheet is something I want to keep with me not only for class but beyond. When inspiration is short, this jogs me into writing.

Character traits, subtext and Character Loglines:

EMIL JANNINGS: His traits are that he is Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible

loss of star-status and for his future career). Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.

Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.

MARLENE DIETRICH: Her Traits: Ambitious, creative, subservient (to director, von Sternberg). Subtext: Domineering (publicly); subservient to von Sternberg; contemptuous of Jannings.

Logline: Dietrich is the unknown discovered by director, von Sternberg and cast in the prominent role of showgirl Lola Lola whom he grooms for her role and for future stardom, although she is in a feud with the film’s star (Emil Jannings).

JOSEF von STERNBERG: Traits: Perfectionist, artistic, exacting.

Subtext: Demanding.

Logline: Josef von Sternberg is the celebrated director of “The Blue Angel” who cast his discovery Marlene Dietrich as Lola Lola in defiance of the studio brass and the star (Emil Jannings) and now find himself in a relationship of both lover and mentor of Dietrich while trying to direct “The Blue Angel” and play referee in a feud between Jannings and Dietrich.T

KURT GERRON: He plays the Magician in “The Blue Angel.” Traits: Affable, amiable; Subtext: Conciliatory.

Logline: If Santa Claus were clean shaven, younger and Jewish, he would be Kurt Gerron; a real show business trouper who spreads joy.

HANS ALBERS: He plays Mazepa the strongman in “The Blue Angel” Traits: Intelligent, cautious. Subtext: conceals rather than speaks.

LOGLINE: A dashing young actor with a future who is building it by acting in “The Blue Angels.”

DR. MAGNUS HIRSCHFELD: Known as a sexologist and first ever gay advocate in Germany who also advocates for a more sexually open society. Traits: caring, father-like, warm, and very smart. Subtext: Wants things to be right and for the good in a society that is becoming more Nazi.

LOGLINE: Known as “the Einstein of Sex” He is a pioneer sexologist and social activist, a people person who cares for the fate of Jews and homosexuals under what appears to be inevitable Nazi rule.

Rough draft expressing scene idea:

After first introducing director von Sternberg and fellow “Blue Angel” cast members (Emil Jannings, Kurt Gerron, and Hans Albers) she takes them to gay cabaret Club Silhouette – a hangout for show people of all sexual orientations. Here, Dietrich and her party are invited to sit with the sexologist, Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, “the Einstein of Sex” and the first advocate for gay rights in Germany who advocated for greater openness about sexuality in society. However, Nazi Brown Shirts hurl rocks through the club’s windows. Hirschfeld warns that this is only the beginning of what will soon happen all over Germany when the Nazis inevitably take over rule. He predicts when that happens it will be devastating to homosexuals and Jews and that to remain in Germany and may require cooperation with the oppressor this is the CRUCIBLE of the script, it continues the matter raised by Major Kershaw when he asks Jannings, Why did he allow himself to become a tool for Nazi propaganda. Thus, the dramatic techniques of a scene with a future address the future of Germany and the trajectory of the film and of the morality of Emil Jannings decisions to take part in Nazi propaganda films as a way “to hide in the open” and protect himself and family from Nazi oppression.

This scene will use the techniques of giving the scene a future.

INT. THE CLUB SILHOUETTE – NIGHT

The club is art deco with a brash Victorian bar of one piece of wood and mirrors, lavishly supplied with liquors.

On stage, a chorus line of DRAG QUEENS, enters and begins a musical number.

Marlene Dietrich, Josef von Sternberg, Emil Jannings, Kurt Gerron, and Hans Albers enter, through the club’s front door.

Dietrich is dressed androgynously, in tuxedo with tales, pants, and a silk hat.

DR. MAGNUS HIRSCHFELD and his partner GEORGE, wave to Dietrich inviting her and von Sternberg, Jannings, Gerron, and Albers to join them at their table. He calls upon a waiter to move another table next to their own to make room for Dietrich and company, who then are seated.

The Drag Queen musical number ends and they start to walk off stage after taking a bow.

The crowd applauds.

Dietrich rises to make an announcement.

As Dietrich makes an introduction, each person named stands up and takes a bow.

DIETRICH

I have news; I have auditioned successfully to

appear in “The Blue Angel” directed by Hollywood’s finest director,

(introducing von Sternberg)

Josef von Sternberg. And featuring, players known

to all of you, Kurt Gerron and Hans Albers.

The crowd applauds.

DIETRICH

Last but not least, the star of “The Blue Angel” the

first winner of Hollywood’s Academy Award for Best

Best Actor, Emil Jannings.

Loud applause for Jannings.

After bowing, Jannings, von Sternberg, Gerron, and Albers seat themselves again.

DIETRICH

So, Mr. von Sternberg gave my first major role as a cabaret

showgirl, named, Lola Lola. So I want to celebrate my getting

the part and buy drinks for all of you, even those of you who

said I can’t act.

DRAG QUEEN

You got the part but you still can’t act.

Everyone laughs.

Jannings rises.

JANNINGS

It’s her legs that can act.

Another round of laughter but not from Dietrich who doesn’t think the joke is funny. No one laughs at the table where Dietrich sits.

Dietrich crosses to a table where two women are seated, she bends down and kisses one of them on the lips, a scene to be repeated in “Morocco” (von Sternberg’s next film, starring Dietrich).

Emanating from the street outside are the sounds of a marching army. They are the NAZI BROWN SHIRTS who keep march to the tune of the Horst Wessel which they sing.

They halt and stop singing. Next, with curses they hurl rocks through the windows of the club. Glass shatters. The crowd is paralyzed into fearful silence. .

Outside, the Brown Shirts come to order and march forward, again, singing the Horst Wessel. The sounds come to an end.

The crowd in the Club Silhouette is relieved.

Hirschfeld speaks his mind.

HIRSCHFELD

Luckily no one is injured. But when the Nazis take

over – which I fear is inevitable – homosexuals and

Jews will be amihiliated. And I am both.

GERRON

I am also a Jew. And these scum of the earth Nazis

say they are the Master Race. Is it time to go back

to Palestine.

HIRSCHFELD

I am going there next year. I am not religious

but I want to see the land of our heritage. I don’t

think I’ll stay. The Arabs don’t want us there,

even though Jews have lived in the land for thousands

of years, they are killing us.

ALBERS

Well, this effects me. The love of my life is Jewish.

GERRON

I didn’t realize Hansi was Jewish.

HIRSCHFELD

My advice to you is take Hansi and leave Germany.

ALBERS

I can’t live in any other country but Germany – bad

as it may become..

HIRSCHFELD

Then send Hansi abroad for her own safety and hopefully

meet later.

JANNINGS

I am in a similar situation to Hans: My mother is

of Jewish origin. I too need to stay here but how do

I survive the Nazis?

HIRSCHFELD

First of all tell no one about your mother. Then, I

recommend for your own sake and the sake of your

family that you pretend to support the Nazis. You’re

an actor, make a few films for the Nazis.

JANNINGS

In other words, hide in the open?

GERRON

How far do you go in cooperating with an enemy

when it’s to save you life and the life of your

family? What is morally permissible? I wonder

what a Rabbi would say.

JANNINGS

About what?

GERRON

It is permissible to collaborate with an enemy

in order to save your life and life of your loved

ones?

DIETRICH

If he says it is not permissible. Ask him what

he would do.

STERNBERG

Well, I am glad, as Jew that I can get out of

Germany and go home to America, to Hollywood.

DIETRICH

Take me with you.

STERNBERG

With Rudi’s permission, of course.

DIETRICH

(to Hirschfeld)

That’s my husband.

STERNBERG

Rudi must come also. We’ll get him work

as an assistant director.

The music strikes up again and a Jewish comedian steps on stage.

M.C.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the one and only

Schmuly Silbermann.

SILBERMANN trots out to the microphone.

SILBERMANN

Good evening, everybody. I think our army

Of Drag Queens could have scared off the

Brown Shirts. Let’s remember that for

next time Hitlers alcolytes show up.

M.C. (O. S.)

You mean acolytes.

SILBERMANN

No I mean alcolytes. The way they behave

They must be stoned on something. Which

reminds me. Hitler once met Jesus and asked,

“How did you feed 5,000 with only five loaves

of bread and two fish?” Jesus said, “I’ll tell

you if you tell me how you made thousands

of Germans drunk on you without liquor.”

The audience “oohs” and “ahs” with the dangerous political statement.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

PS80 DAY 8 BOB SMITH’S MISLEADS/REVEALS

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

The importance of looking for opportunities for conceal / reveals. They have useful comedic potential and enrich the story.

Working title: “Moths Around a Flame – The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.'”

INT. THE SCREENING ROOM – DAY.

The room is darkened as images begin to flick onto the screen. There are two people in the audience, Emil Jannings and HEINRICH MANN, the author of “Professor Unrat” the novel on which “The Blue Angel” is derived.

The are watching the rushes.

Projected onto the screen is the scene in Lola Lola’s dressing room when Lola Lola (Dietrich) undresses in front of Professor Rath (Jannings).

Mann smiles and looks at Jannings who has a serious appearance like his character (the Professor) he portrays. On the screen, the Professor is attracted to Lola Lola. Then we see Lola Lola in her apartment in dark nylon stockings as she fumbles over boxes.

Mann is again pleased and smiles. Jannings also smiles.

The rushes end. The lights in the screening room fade in.

Mann and Jannings exit the room a step or two apart.

Jannings halts Mann.

MISLEAD: Mann’s smiles misleads Jannings into thinking that Mann enjoyed the rushes of “The Blue Angel.”

JANNINGS

Heinrich. You seemed to enjoy the rushes.

MANN

I did not.

REVEAL: The reason Mann smiled.

JANNINGS

But I saw you smile.

MANN

I smiled because I liked Miss Dietrich’s naked legs.

Jannings snickers

REVEAL: Jannings personal attraction to Marlene Dietrich.

JANNINGS

So did I.

REVEAL: The reason Mann’s smile is also the reason he did not like the rushes.

MISLEAD: Mann coaxes Jannings to deliver his complaint to von Sternberg

MANN

That is the problem. Miss Dietrich’s naked

legs steal the show. Mr. von Sternberg has

reduced my novel to pornography. You

can tell him that for me.

SMASH CUT:

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – VON STERNBERG’S OFFICE – DAY

Von Sternberg is present along with Jannings.

STERNBERG

(to Jannings)

I don’t care what Heinrich Mann says. All

novelists belly ache about how the movie

mangles their novel. Heinrich Mann signed

a contract giving me full creative control.

Tell Heinrich Mann for me that to say that

“The Blue Angel” is pornography is ridiculous.

Emil! Do you believe you are the star of a pornographic

movie?

JANNINGS

Of course not! But I am concerned that the

story is getting lost on the Professor and

Lola Lola has become the principal character.

REVEAL: von Sternberg explains his method for filming Marlene Dietrich

STERNBERG

Emil, think of the story. How could the Professor

and every man and school boy in town find Lola

Lola alluring and seductive if I don’t film her as

alluring and seductive? There is something else

at play here with Heinrich Mann, somegthing that

perhaps youare not aware of?

JANNINGS

What?

REVEAL: Heinrich Mann’s real reason for criticizing von Sternberg.

STERNBERG

Mann is probably jealous of Marlene because

Mann’s lady friend auditioned for the part of Lola

Lola and I rejected her and hired Marlene.

MISLEAD: Von Sternberg and Jannings agree to keep this whole disruption begun by Heinrich Mann a secret. This will lead to another reveal later on: That parallel to Mann, Jannings is also jealous of Marlene for upstaging him as the star at the direction of von Sternberg about whom he complains is focussed solely on Dietrich to the neglect of formning a director-star actor creative partnership with him, as they had in a previous film they made, i.e., “The Last Command.”

JANNINGS

I was not aware.

STERNBERG

Let this be just between the two of us.

JANNINGS

Of course.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITHS DRAMATIC CHOICES

What I learned from this process: To see the many objects, colors, and shades and actions that build drama.

MOVIE: “The Blue Angel” as I am writing a screenplay about the making of “The Blue Angel,” this was my choice.

1. Establishing shot of the setting: A market place in a city. Geese are being dropped in a pen from where they will go to slaughter?

2. A washerwoman washes a window that has a poster advertising the alluring cabaret showgirl featured at the Blue Angel Cabaret: Lola Lola. The washerwoman admires her allure and strikes an imitative pose next to the figure of Lola Lola on the poster. Dramatic because her allure is admired by women as much as men.

3. In contrast, Prof. Emanuel Rath (Emil Jannings), is awakened by his housekeeper. He appears every bit the academic, even absent mnded.

4. He has a pet canary and tries to arouse it to sing. He brings a square of sugar to feed his pet, crosses to the cage and to his sad surprise finds that the bird has died.

5. He gently removes the bird from the cage but the housekeeper, notes its death and then callously tosses it into the fire of the metal stove to cremate it.

6. Professor Rath goes off to school.

7. A glockenspiel with moving figures chimes 8 o’clock, the figures on the Glockesnspiel suggest the humdrum routine of the Professor, but also, characters destined to progress to wherever they may.

8. The classroom (all boys) are hostile to Professor Rath, one sketches a caricature of him on the front of his notebook that is on his desk. .

9. When he enters the class, they shut up and feign innocence. The Professor finds the caracature on his notebook and asks “Ernst” his best student to erase it. The Professor seems to know which student is the culprit.

10. The Prof. catches one of the boys with a postcard of “Lola Lola.” He warns he will talk about this with him later.

11. At the end of the school day, Ernst is tripped up and the Professor discovers that he has a dozens of postcards of Lola Lola.

12. Ernst tells the Professor he other boys must have planted the post cards in his briefcase as punishment because he does not accompany them to see Lola Lola at the local cabaret, the Blue Angel.

13. The Professor goes to “The Blue Angel” to catch his pupils there. The street is dark and winding cobblestone alley. We see a woman smoking and the faint voice of another woman laughing as the Professor walks by.

14. The city is supposed to be the Baltic seaport of Bremmen but there is nothing to suggest it is modern Bremmen. No cars or any signs of life contemporary to a German city of 1930. A fog horn distantly sounds as the professor walks into the darkness that suggests a desolate dreamworld.

15. A show is on in “The Blue Angel” with Lola Lola dancing and singing. Next to her is a hanging model of a seagull which is a reminder of the songbird the Professor lost and how Lola Lola is a new songbird.. This is Marlene Dietrich’s first appearance in a leading role. She is seductive and suggestive. She downs a stein of beer she had swiped from a submissive fellow female showgirl. Sweet intoxication is suggested.

16. At that time into this dreamworld fountain of pleasure, the professor opens “The Blue Angel” door. The windows on the doors are painted over that suggests the secrecy of the cabaret. As he steps into the place, it is clear that this port-city cabaret is maritime-themed as has to wend his way through nets, a metaphor of the net he is to be caught into.

17. As he enters, sure enough, 3 of the professor’s pupils are there, they run backstage to hide from him, into Lola Lola’s dressing room.

18. As the professor makes his way through the cabaret Lola Lola shines a spotlight on him, suggesting he is on the spot.

19. Hanging from the sealing is a cherubic angel, supposedly painted blue. It hovers above Lola Lola.

20. The number on stage ends, and Lola Lola retreats to her cluttered dressing room with its circular staircase that leads to Lola Lola’s apartment.

21. The Professor explains who he is. Lola Lola says, “Then you ought to know to remove your hat.” She demands the expected courtesy of a man to a woman he is meeting.

22. The Professor berates her to not allow his pupils to come to her shows.

23. Lola Lola steps behind her changing screen and discovers one of the pupils of the Professor, hiding.. She closes the screen on him, to keep him hidden and then she undresses to change costumes for her next number. He observes her and is attracted to her.

24. She sits him down next to her and seductively applies makeup to her eyes and asks if he likes it. He does.

25. She asks him to pass her cigarette tin to her but he drops it and gets on the floor under the table to pick up the cigarettes. The Professor gets a good look at Lola Lola’s legs right next to him. He prudishly gets up off the floor leaving a few cigarettes behind.

26. Lola Lola is clearly being seductive and playful with the Professor as she then applies powder to her face and blows powder all over the Professor and helps him wipe it off.

27. She gets up and climbs the circular staircase to her apartment, we see her, remove her panties on the steps and drop them on the Professor who is befuddled by this.

28. One of the women in the show sees him holding the panties she wags her finger at him in a scolding manner. (That suggests that the Professor has now left his station in the wider society.

29. He throws the panties on the floor and they are picked up by his pupil. This is a setup for what will happen.

30. We see Lola Lola in her apartment with black panties on getting her costume to put on for her next number.

31. The payoff: The pupil slips the panties into a pocket of the professor’s coat. When the Professor reaches to pull out his handkerchief, he pulls out the panties and begins to wipe the sweat off his brow with it. When he discovers it he likes it. And pockets it.

All in all with a few
moments of humor, a drama of seduction is being enacted by Lola Lola seducing
the willing Professor. He has developed
an erotic interest in her as she has stirred feelings in him for her. The setup
in the story is complete.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’s DRAMATIC IRONY

What I learned doing this assignment?

Using irony helped me discover the innate irony

in my own outline and characters

Name: Emil Jannings.

Traits: Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible loss of status as a star and for his future career).

Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.

Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.

Name: Major Kent Kershaw

Traits: Amicable, personable, and professional who does not relish his duty to investigate Jannings to determine if he must be subjected to de-nazification.

Subtext: Persistence and probing.

Logline: Major Kent Kershaw is the interviewer of Emil Jannings to determine if Jannings must be subjected to de-nazification.

NOTE: Kershaw appears only at the beginning and end of the film, the two bookends of

Jannings’ story which is the film in between the them.

– –

Jannings has now finished his story of the making of “The Blue Angel” and explains his participation in Nazi propaganda films as his own effort to protect his family from Nazi persecution (Jannings had a Jewish mother).

JANNINGS

So, you see, Major Kershaw, with a Jewish

Mother, I and my family needed protection

and the best place to hide was in the open.

KERSHAW

So, the best place to hide was participating

in Nazi propaganda films?

JANNINGS

If I had refused, I would have paid for it with

My life, I am sure. So would my family. I am

not the only one from the cast of “The Blue

Angel” who worked for the Nazis. Kurt Gerron

made a propaganda film about the concentration

camp at Thereisenstadt which was titled, “Hitler

Builds a City for the Jews.”

KERSHAW

But he was forced under guns of the guard towers

to make the film. You were not. Max Schmeling

was not a Nazi but he fought in the war in Crete as

a paratrooper in the Wehrmacht. We deemed him

to require de-nazification.

JANNINGS

But I am not like Schmeling. I am like Gerron

Who made films in order to survive. Had Gerron

not been sent to Auschwitz but, had survived, would

you require him, a Jew, to be de-nazified?

KERSHAW

Well, there is something else that is in

your record that Gerron would never have done:

You campaigned for the Nazi Party in the

Reichstag elections of 1938. Would you say

that was hiding in the open?

JANNINGS

Of course.

KERSHAW

Mr. Jannings, you were fighting for the Nazis in

your own way just as Max Schmeling did in Crete.

How many people suffered because of the Nazi

majority elected in 1938? No, Mr. Jannings,

I regret to say that you also are now required to

undergo de-nazification.

JANNINGS

Then, you take away my only reason to live,

which is my acting.

KERSHAW

Your beautiful portrayal of the professor in

“The Blue Angel” will live on as your legacy.

JANNINGS

While my life ends like the professor.

Jannings begins to sob.

KERSHAW

(sympathetically.)

You must stay out of the public eye. Maybe

in a few years, then you can try again.

CLOSING SUPER TITLES against a montage of photos and scenes alluded to in the titles:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. He had converted to Catholicism. His epitaph:

Gods give everything, All joys, All pain, the infinite whole.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures through the 1935 when they ended their partnership.

Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.

[Robert Smith]

PS80 DAY 2 BOB SMITH’s CONFLICT.

Von Sternberg enters his apartment, his wife, Riza Royce, 20’s is waiting in a living room chair. Von Sternberg crosses to her.

STERNBERG

Marlene took a whole bunch of us out on the

town.

RIZA

Why didn’t you call?

STERNBERG

I became so absorbed, I lost track of the time.

RIZA

She has become your obsession.

STERNBERG

She is a star in the making.

RIZA

And you are the Maker. I hear the rumors.

You are “Svengali Joe.” Why don’t you just

divorce me and marry her?

STERNBERG

I’d sooner share a phone booth with a cobra.

You know, she is married to Rudi Siebert. Marlene

supports him and their daughter, plus, Tami Matul.

RIZA

Who is Tami Matul?

STERNBERG

Rudi’s mistress.

RIZA

Nice and cozy. Does that suit you?

STERNBERG

Look. Get to know Marlene. Why don’t you come

to the set? If she can’t say a line in English. You

stay off camera and say it for her. How can I make you

see that she and I have a creative partnership. And that’s

it! Her success will be our own. Doesn’t that suit you?

RIZA

It does not suit me that I don’t know

you anymore. Marlene has become

everything. Marlene! Marlene!

Marlene!

[Robert Smith]

REVISION OF SCENE

This is the opening scene of “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of “The Blue Angel.”

Super: BERLIN – AMERICAN SECTOR – AUGUST 1945

EXT. POST WORLD WAR 2 BERLIN AMERICAN SECTOR U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY.

Letters on the façade spell, U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS.

TWO UNIFORMED MILITARY POLICE (M.P.’s) are on guard duty at the gate.

The figure of a man emerges from the rubble, walking toward the M. P.’s. He is EMIL JANNINGS, age 60. He carries an Oscar statuette.

The M. P.’s put their rifles at the ready to aim and shoot.

M. P. #1

(displaying his rifle)

Halt. Who goes there?

JANNINGS

(brandishing the Oscar statuette)

Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!

The M. P.’s ease up and cross to welcome Jannings.

JANNINGS

Thank you, officers. I am Emil Jannings.

M. P. #1

The actor?

JANNINGS

“Best Actor” for “Last Command” and “The

Way of All Flesh.” It’s inscribed right here on

the Oscar.

M. P. #2

We need to see your papers.

JANNINGS

You bombed Berlin into rubble and you want

papers? I have no official papers. I hoped the

Oscar would suffice to as to my identity.

M.P. #1

Of course it does. What brings you here?

JANNINGS

I want to speak to your superior.

M.P. #1

What for?

JANNINGS

“What for”? For my freedom. political asylum in the freedom

of your American Sector and maybe in America.

I once lived in Hollywood, you know. I want

to revive my acting career.

M. P. #2

He needs to be vetted.

JANNINGS

Vetted?

M. P. #2

You’ll have to tell your story to Major Kershaw, sir.

Follow me.

JANNINGS

Good. Major Kershaw.

M. P. #2 escorts Jannings through the gate and up to the front door of headquarters.

They enter.

INT. U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – OFFICE – DAY.

Jannings is seated at the desk of Major Kent Kershaw (late 30’s), whose name and rank are on a name plate facing Jannings. Jannings has placed his Oscar on the Major’s desk. Kershaw is seated at the desk, facing Jannings.

KERSHAW

It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Jannings. “The

Blue Angel” is one of my favorite movies. Your

performance was superb. I am surprised you did

not win an Oscar for your performance as Professor

Rath.

JANNINGS

I am surprised an Oscar did not go to Miss

Dietrich for her legs.

Both laugh.

KERSHAW

I’d like to know about the making of “The

Blue Angel.” But we have things to discuss.

What are you seeking by coming to our

Headquarters?

JANNINGS

For political asylum in the freedom

of your American Sector and maybe in America.

I once lived in Hollywood, you know. I want

to revive my acting career.

KERSHAW

Well, to give you the privileges you

request, you have to appear before a panel

and explain some things about your background.

I will advocate for you as best I can, but

you must explain, how did an actor – a man

of your stature allow himself to be used

by the Nazis in propaganda films?

JANNINGS

That’s easy. I did it in order to survive. Had I

refused, the Gestapo would have carted me off to

God- knows-where. I am sixty years old, now. I put up

with twelve years under Hitler. I do not want to live

in the Soviet Sector for the rest of my life under

Stalin. That’s why I am here.

KERSHAW

Tell me more. The panel must be satisfied

that you do not need de-nazification.

JANNINGS

Uh, what happens in de-nazification?

KERSHAW

It means you can no longer make public appearances.

JANNINGS

You would end my acting career? De-nazification! I

never was a Nazi.

KERSHAW

That is what you must prove to me and to the panel. In short, if

you were not a Nazi, you must explain how you came to be used

by the Nazis.

JANNINGS

Well, I’ll tell it as best as I can remember. In fact, you will

be pleased to know that it goes back to the time of the

making of “The Blue Angel.”It was 1929, your Stock Market

crash was devastating to Germany. Nazi Party membership

soared. I experienced the violence of the Stormtroopers,

first hand. It was on an evening, early in the production,

when Marlene Dietrich treated us all to a night on the town.

Marlene and I didn’t get along, but she invited me, I think,

as a peace offering.

AT THIS POINT JANNINGS STARTS TO NARRATE

AS THE STORY UNFOLDS ON THE SCREEN.

[Robert Smith]

PS80 BOB SMITHS FINA SCENE FOR FEEDBACK EXCHANGE NOVEMBER 9 2021

What I learned rewriting this scene is…?

Rewriting is inevitable, but it is important to measure how by the criterion of character that you’ve developed and now must be revealed. Writing ‘character’ helps sell to a potential actor who might be interested in the role.

This is the opening scene of “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of “The Blue Angel.”

Title card: BERLIN – AMERICAN SECTOR – AUGUST 1945

EXT. POST WORLD WAR 2 BERLIN AMERICAN SECTOR U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY.

Letters on the façade spell, U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS.

TWO UNIFORMED MILITARY POLICE (M.P.’s) are on guard duty at the gate.

The figure of a man emerges from the rubble, walking toward the M. P.’s. He is EMIL JANNINGS, age 60. He carries an Oscar statuette.

The M. P.’s put their rifles at the ready to aim and shoot.

M. P. #1

(displaying his rifle)

Halt. Who goes there?

JANNINGS

(brandishing the Oscar statuette)

Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!

The M. P.’s ease up and cross to welcome Jannings.

JANNINGS

Thank you, officers. I am Emil Jannings.

M. P. #1

The actor?

JANNINGS

“Best Actor” for “Last Command” and “The

Way of All Flesh.” I have no official papers

that confirm that that I am who I am. So, I

hope the Oscar will suffice.

M.P. #1

Why did you come here?

JANNINGS

Isn’t it obvious? Why does anybody appeal to

America? For freedom.

<div>M. P. #1
</div><div>

(to M.P. #2)

</div>

He needs to be vetted.

JANNINGS

Vetted?

M. P. #2

You’ll have to speak with Major Kershaw, Mr. Jannings.

JANNINGS

“Major Kershaw”?

M. P. #2

Major Kent Kershaw. Yes, follow me.

M. P. #2 escorts Jannings through the gate and up to the front door of headquarters.

They enter.

INT. U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – OFFICE – DAY.

Jannings is seated at the desk of Major Kent Kershaw, whose name and rank are on a name plate facing Jannings. Jannings has placed his Oscar on the Major’s desk. Kershaw is seated

at the desk, facing Jannings.

KERSHAW

It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Jannings. “The

Blue Angel” is one of my favorite movies. Your

performance was superb.

JANNINGS

Thank you for saying so. I am seeking

political asylum in your American Sector.

I’d like to return to Hollywood. I lived

there once, you know. I hope to revive

my acting career.

KERSHAW

Well, to give you the privileges you

request, you have to appear before a panel.

I will advocate for you as best I can, but

you must explain, how did an actor – a man

of your stature allow himself to be used

by the Nazis in propaganda films.

JANNINGS

That’s easy. I did it in order to survive. Had I

refused, the Gestapo would have carted me off to

God- knows-where. I am sixty years old, now. I put up

with twelve years under Hitler. I do not want to live

in the Soviet Sector for the rest of my life under

Stalin. That’s why I am here.

KERSHAW

Tell me all about it. The panel must be satisfied

that you do not need de-nazification.

JANNINGS

De-nazifiecation? I never was a Nazi.

KERSHAW

Tell me how it happened that you were used by

the Nazis

JANNINGS

Well, I’ll tell it as best as I can remember. In fact, it all

goes back to the time of the making of “The Blue Angel.”

It was 1929, your Stock Market crash was devastating to

Germany. Nazi Party membership soared. I experienced

the violence of the Stormtroopers, first hand. It was on

an evening, early in the production, when Marlene

Dietrich treated us all to a night on the town. Marlene and

I didn’t get along, but she invited me, I think, as a peace

offering.

AT THIS POINT JANNINGS STARTS TO NARRATE

AS THE STORY UNFOLDS ON THE SCREEN.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Revised following feedback

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S AD FOR A-LIST

What I learned is…?

The importance of intentionality in revealing a killer introduction of a character in order to ‘sell’ a character tp an actor.

1. Brainstorm an introduction that will accomplish 3 keys to a Great Character Ad

A. The character splashes onto the page in an interesting Situation.

Emil Jannings – For the introduction of this star of “The Blue Angel” there is a ready made splash! After WW2, he appeared before the US Army Headquarters, wielding his Oscar statuette and shouting to the soldiers: “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar.” This is the opening scene of my screenplay.

B. The scene delivers an INSIGHT into who this character is in a big way.

The first keys to a great character ad is that he is or was a prominent actor seeking asylum in the free sectors of divided post war Berlin.

The next scene, inside the office of the headquarters, a Major Kershaw interviews Jannings and will be his advocate before the panel that will vet Jannings as to whether or not he needs to be de-nazified. The Major is glad to meet Jannings as he was the star of one of his favorite films, “The Blue Angel.” He further asks him, “What was it like making “The Blue Angel”?

Jannings wants to live free and return to acting but has to explain why he appeared in Nazi propaganda films – which he knows could cause him to undergo de-nazification and ban him from the public indefinitely.

Jannings answers these two questions by telling the story of the making of “The Blue Angel – his narration is the film of “Moths Around a Flame” which now unfolds on the screen.

C. The initial action, dialogue and description all SELL THE CHARACTER.

As above. It will whet actors’ appetites.

2. Tell us the character’s name and answer these three questions.

NAME; Emil Jannings. Prominent Oscar-winning actor and star of “The Blue Angel.”

A. What is the interesting Situation?

As above, but to reiterate:

This actually happened – Opening scene: WW2 has ended. Jannings approaches the US Army Headquarters in the American Sector of Berlin. He brandishes an Oscar Statuette, shouting, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

B. What is the insight about this character?

Jannings is a one time prominent Oscar-winning actor who seeks asylum in order to live free in the American Sector of divided post-war Berlin and revive his acting career. The Officer he speaks with (Major Kershaw) is a film buff who liked “The Blue Angel” and wants to know what it was like making the movie. However, he also has business to discuss before Jannings could be granted asylum: He asks, “Why did an actor – a man of your stature allow himself to be used as a tool in Nazi Propaganda films?” Jannings answers: “Survival.” But to give a full answer to both questions, Jannings begins to tell him his story, which begins with the story of the making of “The Blue Angel.”

C. What action and description will sell this character?

D. The bold wielding of his Oscar as a passport to freedom and the quizzing of Major Kershaw (the inciting incident) reveal Jannings is a great actor who is at the threshold of either a new life with the revival of his acting career, or obscurity if he is deemed to undergo denazification and banned from public appearances.

THE SCENE:

Title card: BERLIN AMERICAN SECTOR – AUGUST 1945

EXT. POST WORLD WAR 2 BERLIN AMERICAN SECTOR U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY.

Plaque on the exterior wall says, U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS.

TWO UNIFORMED MILITARY POLICE GUARDS are on duty at the gate.

The figure of a man emerges from rubble, walking toward the Guards. He is EMIL JANNINGS.

The Guards put their rifles at the ready to aim and shoot.

GUARD #1

Halt. Who goes there?

JANNINGS

(brandishing the Oscar statuette)

Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!

The Guards ease up and go to welcome Jannings.

JANNINGS

Thank you, officers. I am Emil Jannings. It’s

inscribed on the Oscar. I have no official papers,

so, I hope the Oscar will suffice. I am seeking

political asylum in the freedom of your American

sector and maybe America. I once lived in

Hollywood, you know. I want to revive my

acting career.

GUARD #2

You’ll have to first speak with Major Kershaw.

JANNINGS

I hope there will be no problem. I don’t want to live

in the Soviet Sector.

GUARD #2

Come this way, sir.

Guard #2 escorts Jannings through the gate and up the steps to the front door of headquarters.

They enter.

INT. U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – OFFICE – DAY.

Jannings is seated at the desk of Major Kent Kershaw. Whose name and rank are on a name plate facing Jannings. Jannings has placed his Oscar on the Major’s desk.

KERSHAW

It’s an honor to meet you Mr. Jannings. I never

dreamed I’d have an Oscar on my desk belonging

to a most distinguished actor. I remember when you

were awarded this Oscar.

JANNING

Thank you for saying so, Major.

KERSHAW

Wasn’t it for “The Blue Angel”?

JANNINGS

It was for “The Way of All Flesh” and “The Last

Command.”

KERSHAW

Oh, sorry I got that wrong. I guess it’s because

“The Blue Angel” is one of my favorite movies.

Your performance was superb.

I’d like to know what it was like making

that film. However, we have business to

discusss. You see, I am from Army Intelligence

For you to be given the privileges you

request, you have to appear before a panel.

I will advocate for you as best I can, but

you must explain, how did an actor – a man

of your stature allow himself to be used

By the Nazis in propaganda films.

JANNINGS

That’s easy. I did it in order to survive. Had I

refused I would have ended up with the Gestapo

carting me off to God- knows-where. I put up

with twelve years under Hitler. I do not want to live

in the Soviet Sector for the rest of my life under

Stalin. That’s why I am here.

KERSHAW

Tell me all about it. The panel must be satisfied

that you do not need de-nazification.

JANNINGS

De-nazifiecation? I never was a Nazi.

KERSHAW

Tell me how it happened that you were used by

the Nazis

JANNINGS

Well, it all goes back to the time of the making

of “The Blue Angel.”

AT THIS POINT JANNINGS STARTS TO NARRATE

AND THE STORY UNFOLDS ON THE SCREEN.

<br clear=”all”>

[Robert Smith]

PS80 DAY 9 BOB SMITHS DIALOGUE ON THE ATTACK NOVEMBER 5 2021

“What did I learn doing this assignment?”

Traits and subtext are guide to attack dialogue/good dialogue.

LIST OF CHARACTERS – THEIR TRAITS AND SUBTEXTS:

EMIL JANNINGS

Traits: Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible loss of star-staus and loss of a future in acting.

Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.

MARLENE DIETRICH

Traits: Ambitios, reative, subservient (to director, von Sternberg).

Subtext: Domineering (publically); subservient to von Sternberg; contemptuous

of Jannings.

JOSEF von STERNBERG

Traits: Perfectionist, artistic, exacting.

Subtext: Demanding.

* *

INT. STUDIO THE SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

The scene is the dressing room. There is a bed. Present: EMIL JANNINGS, HANS ALBERS, MARLENE DIETRICH and JOSEPH von STERNBERG.

Von Sternberg is O.S. directing from behind the camera.

STERNBERG (O.S.)

All right. Just like in the German. In this scene, Professor you are pathologically angry because you have just caught Lola in the arms of Mazepa the strongman. Your wife is making you a cuckold, Emil. You strangle her and throw her on the bed.

(calling instructions)

All right. Camera.

OSCAR

Rolling.

STERNBERG

Sound.

SOUND ENGINEER

Sound.

STERNBERG

Slate.

A CREWMAN with the slate, enters, and holds the slate up to the camera.

CREWMAN

“The Blue Angel” English. Scene 42, take one/

The crewman slaps the upper board of the slate to the bottom and exits.

STERNBERG

Action.

Jannings stands in the dressing room doorway and crows like a rooster, then assaults Dietrich.

strangles her and throws her on the bed. He had over-acted and actually strangled her. Dietrich starts to cough and grab her neck.

Von Sternberg is O.S. directing from behind the camera.

STERNBERG (O.S.)

Cut!

JANNINGS

Oh, Marlene, I am so very sorry.

Dietrich continues to hold her throat and caught.

STERNBERG

Where’s the studio Medic?

(to Dietrich)

How do you feel?

DIETRICH

I am angry.

JANNINGS

At me, I don’t blame you.

DIETRICH

I am angry at myself.

STERNBERG

Why?

DIETRICH

Because at first I played along for the

sake of the scene. But then, I could have

decked him with my right cross.

The MEDIC enters.

Dietrich tries to sooth her neck. The Medic examines here while von Sternberg looks on.

MEDIC

Bruises are forming.

STERNBERG

(calling)

Make-up.

The Make-up artist enters and applies face make-up to Dietrich’s neck bruises. She winces while he applies it.

JANNINGS

I am truly sorry.

STERNBERG

We shall have to reshoot.

MEDIC

I recommend that Miss Dietrich rest.

DIETRICH

No. I can do the scene, provided Herr Jannings doesn’t

over-act.

JANNINGS

You have my word.

STERNBERG

(announcing an order)

All right. Everybody clear the set, except

For Herr Jannings and Miss Dietrich.

Albers lingers.

STERNBERG

(to Albers.)

You too, Hans. This is only for the director and the

actors in the take.

With some hasitation, Albers exits.

ERICH POMMER enters and crosses to Sternberg.

POMMER

I am the producer. I have a right to remain and

see just what’s going on.

STERNBERG

You stay and interfere with my actors, I am leaving

for America tonight. Now, go. I guarantee, you

will have a great motion picture.

Pommer reluctantly exits.

Only Jannings, Dietrich, and Sternberg remain. Sternberg begins an appeal to them.

STERNBERG

I have never seen rancor among actors come

this close to sabotaging a production. Do that

and you have no movie in which to star, Emil.

And Marlene: You lose a stepping stone to global

stardom. And I have wasted months to make

Germany’s first talkie and a hit for Paramount.

JANNINGS

What do you propose?

STERNBERG

We all want the same thing but it cannot

be achieved without our being partners in

order to make it happen. Whatever went on

till this moment, forget it and start over on

the right foot. Let’s pledge ourselves to each

other as creative partners. (You should have

no quarrels with such a pledge, Emil.) Do you

concur with me and pledge?

JANNINGS

I concur and I pledge. And I apologize

from my heart, Marlene.

DIETRICH

Accepted. I also concur and pledge.

STERNBERG

Excellent. Now, let’s finish a great

motion picture. Marlene, do you feel

up to doing a re-shoot.

DIETRICH

Wouldn’t the present footage suffice?

STERNBERG

We’’ll have to check the rushes. So,

Marlene, you take a break and we’ll proceed

with the straight jacket scene. Call back

the crew to the set, and – of course – Albers.

DIETRICH

You’re the boss.

Dietrich exits.

DIETRICH (O. S.)

(calling)

Everybody back on the set.

Dietrich enters. Just behind her are Hans Albers and Hans Schneeberger, assistant camera man, enter.

Dietrich grabs her wrap and exits.

DIETRICH

I’ll be in my dressing room.

STERNBERG

Heer Schneeberger, check the gate.

SCHNEEBERGER

Will do.

STERNBERG

Herr Albers, the straight jacket scene is next.

ALBERS

Jawol, Herr Direktor.

[Robert Smith]

PS80 DAY 8 BOB SMITHS CHARACTER OUTLINE

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

Weaving character into the outline is a shortcut to discovering the direction of a story and where and how certain character components can be revealed to impel the story.

ASSIGNMENT 1

Add character arc parts I like to the outline.

These are included in the additions to the outline in Assignment 2 in bold.

ASSIGNMENT 2

NOTE: There is a dramatic triangle here (Emil Jannings, Josef von Sternberg, and Marlene Dietrich. Accordingly, the character arcs of all three are weaved into the outline, below in bold.

OPENING:

Title: Berlin – American Sector, July, 1945.

EXT: US ARMY HEADQUARTERS –

Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!” Jannings seeks asylum from the Soviets in the free (Allied) sector of Berlin. Jannings: I didn’t survive 12 years under Hitler just to live the rest of my life under Stalin.”

INT. OFFICE US ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY

INCITING INCIDENT: A US Army intake Officer, who is a film buff wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of Jannings’ stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film, but in regard to allowing himself to be exploited in Nazi propaganda films, Jannings’ answer is one word: SURVIVAL.

INT. SCREENING ROOM – DAY

Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings) for a more experienced actress, von Sternberg, threatens to leave the production if he cannot work with his discovery (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings in the film – who immediately believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict.

INT. THE BLUE ANGEL STUDIO SET – DAY

After filming the first rendition of “Falling in Love Again,” Dietrich invites von Sternberg and Jannings, and fellow cast members Kurt Gerron, and Hans Albers ‘out on the town’ of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola”- all Dietrich’s treat. All accept and leave the set and studio, but not before Jannings objecting that such largesse is the prerogative of the star and he will pay – von Sternberg insists, let Dietrich enjoy offering the largesse. This just convinces Jannings that Dietrich is attempting to become the ‘star’ of the film and is undermining him. Dietrich even turns the largesse onto Jannings, saying that she is so honored to be appearing with so eminent an star as Janning, allow me to treat you, she says to him.

INT. SABRI MAHER’S BOXING STUDIO – NIGHT

Dietrich assures von Sternberg she will dutifully lose weight as he requires at the Sabri Mahir Boxing Studio where she has already taken up boxing. Dietrich introduces the group to her trainer, Turkish Boxing Champion Sabri Mahir and has a faux boxing match with fellow actress Carola Neher, and knocks her out with a right cross in order to impress her guests, and then invites everybody to join her at the gay cabaret, Club Silhouette a favorite hangout of show people and the intelligentsia.

INT. CLUB SILHOUETTE – NIGHT

Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld (Berlin’s “Einstein of Sex”) invites Dietrich and company to sit with him. In celebration of her getting the part of Lola Lola, Dietrich buys drinks for everyone in the club, including those who said she can’t act. Carola good-naturedly chides Dietrich, “Just because you got the part, doesn’t mean you can act.” Jannings, not good-naturedly, adds: “It’s her legs that know how to act.” When Nazi Brown Shirts hurl rocks through the club’s windows, Hirschfeld frighteningly predicts an end to freedom with a soon and inevitable Nazi take-over. Among Jannings, Gerron, and Albers, a discussion ensues on survival under Nazi rule. Gerron as a Jew, would have to flee Germany, Albers would send his Jewish mistress to safety in England, Jannings who has a Russian born mother of Jewish ancestry can only see cooperation with the Nazis as his only option to survive and protect himself and loved ones, in other words, hiding in the open. But is there a line that should never be crossed? Gerron says he will consult his Rabbi, Joachim Prinz, and ask if there it is permissible to collaborate with an enemy in order to preserve one’s own life and that of one’s loved ones. who said collaboration with an enemy is permissible as long as lives are saved and no lives are taken by doing so.

INT. APARTMENT OF JOSEF VON STERNBERG – NIGHT

In regard to von Sternberg’s relationship with Dietrich, his wife (Riza Royce) confronts him, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He answers, “I’d sooner share a phone booth with a cobra.”

INT. SYNAGOGUE STUDY OF RABBI JOACHIM PRINZ – DAY

Kurt Gerron asks the question: Is it permissible to collaborate with an enemy in order to save one’s life and the lives of loved ones. Rabbi Prinz replies, “collaboration with an enemy is permissible as long as lives are saved and no lives are taken by doing so.”

INT. STUDIO SCREENING ROOM – DAY

HEINRICH MANN, upon whose novel (“Professor Unrat”) “The Blue Angel” is based, and Janning have both seen rushes of the recent shoot. Mann says that von Sternberg “has turned my novel into pornography. All that stands out in this film is Miss Dietrich’s legs.” Jannings agrees with Mann.

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

On a break, Gerron tells Jannings about the meeting and Jannings is relieved about Prinz’s response then he turns to more immediate problems on the set of “The Blue Angel.” Jannings complains to Gerron and Albers that von Sternberg is constantly with Dietrich and neglected his partnership with other actors in creating a great film including the real star of the film, Jannings himself. Gerron and Albers try to reassure Jannings. Von Sternberg appears and Jannings puts his complaints to him directly. Von Sternberg explains that Dietrich needs the extra attention because she is new and unformed. Jannings boldly relates to von Sternberg what Heinrich Mann said about von Sternberg’s turning Mann’s novel into pornography. This doesn’t faze von Sternberg. Jannings then complains that von Sternberg’s attention to Dietrich is inappropriate, it is like Pygmalion with Von Sternberg’s Henry Higgins controlling Dietrich’s Eliza Doolittle, or more sinister, the controlling von Sternberg’s Svengali over Dietrich’s Tribly, or more ironic, von Sternberg’s Professor Rath’s obsession with Dietrich’s Lola Lola that leads to ruin. To this, von Sternberg rebuffs Jannings, calling him a mad man and further states, “Emil, you are the star of “The Blue Angel. Marlene is the novice and needs attention as well as support from you, as the star.”

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

The conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character that he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her. Dietrich reacts with enraged humor, “I am angry.” Von Sternberg: “At Jannings?” Dietrich: “Angry at that over-acting ham, yes. But I am angry with myself.” Von Sterberg: “Angry with yourself?” Dietrich: “Yes. I played along at first for the sake of the scene but I could have decked him with my right cross.” Von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film, convincing them that together we are all collaborators in creating a great film. Jannings apologizes. Dietrich accepts.

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood because his accent makes him unsuitable for ‘talkies,’ asks studio chief Alfred Hugenberg (a Nazi-supporter) for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema. Jannings informs Gerron and Albers who say that they have plans on what to do in the event of a Nazi take-over, Gerron (a Jew) will flee to France, Albers will send his Jewish mistress to England. Jannings, will protect his mother, a Russian born woman of Jewish origin if need be by working in Nazi cinema, for the sake of survival.

INT. OFFICE US ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY (AS BEFORE)

In answer the question of how he allowed himself to be used by the Nazis, Jannings tells the US Intake Officer, that if he had not worked for the Nazis he may have died and also his Russian Jewish mother. Jannings recalls the fact, that while Gerron was a prisoner in Thereisenstadt, he had made a propaganda film It didn’t save his life, however, he and his family were sent to Auschwitz. The US Officer informs Jannings that he understands Jannings doing propaganda films in order to survive, but he crossed a line: “You received the title ‘artist of the state’ from Goebbels and you campaigned in 1938 for the Nazis in the Reichstag elections. So, you must be de-nazified.” Jannings protests: “If Gerron had survived, would you de-nazify him?” Effectively, Jannings acting career ends and he is ruined in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his Professor Rath character in “The Blue Angel.”

RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures through the 1930’s. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.

[Robert Smith]

PS80 DAY 7 BOB SMITHS FULL-OUT CHARACTERS NOVEMBER 3 2021

What I learned is…?

How to create and discover characters by looking at their traits and other factors related to them and also in this process I discovered ways in which they would behave that I had not previously conceived.

SITUATION: In the dramatic triangle between director Josef von Sternberg, and actors Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich, there is a conflict between Jannings and Dietrich into which von Sternberg must intervene after Jannings actually injures Dietrich in a fight scene.

This occurs at #10 INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

The conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overcts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character that he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of art and finish the film, making it the great film he envisions.

JOSEF von STERNBERG (35) Diminutive with black hair graying at the temples. He has an academic appearance.

Basic character traits

Trait 1: Perfectionist.

Trait 2: Artistic.

Subtext: Demanding.

Special: He is a great motion picture director and has produced Oscar-winning films, with Jannings.

Wants/needs: To make a great movie of “The Blue Angel. And counsel Dietrich supportively in the name of her future for which he is grooming her for stardom to partner with Jannings, put aside all differences to make sure a great

Paradoxes: Wants a mentor professional relationship with Dietrich but also is having an intimate relationship with her as well. The two roles Mentor and Lover clash.

Secret: Von Sternberg is having an affair with Dietrich which is an open secret to all involved in the production.

Flaw: He is in a pygmalionizing relationship with Dietrich as he mentors her not only for her part in “The Blue Angel” but he is grooming her for super-stardom. He has an infatuatuation for her that parallels the characters in “The Blue Angel” of the Professor who is ruined because of his infatuation for Lola Lola.

Logline: Josef von Sternberg is the celebrated director of “The Blue Angel” who cast his discovery Marlene Dietrich as Lola Lola in defiance of the studio brass and the star (Emil Jannings) and now find himself in a relationship of both lover and mentor of Dietrich while trying to direct “The Blue Angel” and play referee in a feud between Jannings and Dietrich.

WHAT WOULD JOSEF von STERNBERG DO/SAY?

All traits, his subtextual demanding nature, wants/needs, and the paradoxical and conflictive roles he has with Dietrich as both mentor and lover (his flaw), would lead Josef von Sternberg to appeal to Jannings and Dietrich’s in a supportive manner appealing to them to become partners in the name of art in order to join him in making “The Blue Angel” a great motion picture which would only become career enhancing for all of them.

* *

EMIL JANNINGS: (45) rotund Oscar-winning actor who seems to have an ability to strut sitting down, both on camera as the Professor and off-camera. He portrays Professor Rath who is infatuated with the cabaret singer, Lola Lola (Dietrich).

Trait 1: Jealousy (of Dietrich as a rival to his star-status in “The Blue Angel”).

Trait 2: Imperiousness.

Trait 3: Fear (of his career viability in an industry in which his German accent has cost him work in ‘talkies’ and with the apparent near-future Nazi domination of Germany and the fact that he has a Jewish mother.)

Wants/needs: To maintain star-status in “The Blue Angel” which he believes Dietrich has undermined with the unwitting collaboration of the director, von Sternberg, who has devoted himself as mentor to her.

Paradox: ——-

Secret: He is attracted to Dietrich.

Flaws:

Flaw 1: He over reacts and over-acts.

Flaw 2: He is sullen. He throws tantrums at perceived slights.

Flaw 3: Although married, he has a roving eye and has harassed actresses on the sets of all his movies which caused problems in the productions.

Special: He is a great actor and has had an illustrious career in Germany and Hollywood.

Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.

WHAT WOULD JANNINGS DO/SAY?

What would Jannings do/say through his trait of jealousy?

He has complained from the beginning that Dietrich is upstaging him and undermining his stardom and has taken away from him the creative partnership that he previously enjoyed in many projectswith director von Sternberg because von Sternberg devotes himself full time to mentoring Dietrich to the exclusion of Jannings and others.

What would Jannings do/say through his trait of imperiousness.

He demands attention and to be listened to when it comes to his complaints. He does not get support from fellow actors in the cast, Kurt Gerron and Hans Albers. Which only further frustrates him.

What would Jannings do/say with his fears about his stardom in “The Blue Angel.”

He falls into his pattern of sullenness and tantrums.

What would Jannings do with his fear of the Nazis and the safety of himself, his family and his Jewish mother?

He only confides with Albers and Gerron as they are anti-Nazi. The love of Albers’ life is Jewish and Gerron is a Jew.

MARLENE DIETRICH (29), von Sterberg’s discovery to play Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel.” The future sex goddess and von Sternberg mentee and later partner in a number of acclaimed motion pictures.

Traits:

Trait 1: Ambition.

Trait 2: subservience (to von Sternberg).

Wants/needs: To have success as Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel” and have superstardom in partnership with Josef von Sternberg.

Paradoxes: She is subservient to von Sternberg as lover and actress and mentee to his mentorship but she is also lover.

Secret: An open secret that she is living a bisexual lifestyle while married and with a daughter whom she supports along with her husband’s mistress.

Flaw: Egotistical.

Special: She is a budding superstar.

Subtext: Domineering (publically) but never with von Sternberg.

Logline: Dietrich is the unknown discovered by director, von Sternberg and cast in the prominent role of showgirl Lola Lola whom he grooms for her role and for future stardom, although she is in a feud with the film’s star (Emil Jannings).

WHAT WOULD MARLENE DIETRICH DO/SAY?

What would Marlene Dietrich do/say through her trait of ambition?

She would go along with any solution made by von Sternberg.

What would Marlene Dietrich do/say through her trait of subservience (to von Sternberg)?

She would go along with any solution made by von Sternberg.

(And he would state it in a manner consistent with Dietrich’s goal of acting success in “The Blue Angel” and the superstardom that follows).

What would Marlene Dietrich do/say through her wants and needs?

She would demand an apology from Jannings and follow anything deamanded of her by von Sternberg for the success of “The Blue Angel” and that would lead to her having a career of superstardom and creative partnership with von Sternberg in many film projects to come.

What would Marlene Dietrich do/say through her paradox of being his mentee, an actress under his direction and also his lover?

Do whatever he asked. Even forgive Jannings for injuring her which she does after he apologizes.

What would Marlene Dietrich do/say through her flaw of being egotistical?

Just follow what von Sternberg says knowing it will be consistent with her wants and needs for a successful performance in “The Blue Angel” and in superstardom afterward with a partnership with von Sternberg.

What would Marlene Dietrich do/say through her secret that she is not only in an intimate relation with von Sternberg but is living a bisexual lifestyle while married and with a daughter whom she supports along with her husband’s mistress?

She would say nothing. It is private and does not fit the immediate problem of her conflict with Jannnings.

What would Marlene Dietrich do/say through her special quality of superstardom?

Just follow von Sternberg’s directions as it will, she knows, take her to superstardom.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITHS CHARACTER CHEMISTRY

“What have I learned from this assignment?”

An excellent exercise in disclosing the character of relationships between characters. Like a flow chart of chemistry.

THE TOP FIVE CHARACTERS IN “Moths Aroud a Flame: The Making of “The Blue Angel.”

NOTE: In the dramatic triangle arrangement of the story, Jannings, Dietrich, and von Sternberg can be protagonist and antagonist depending on how the relationships configure one scene to another, one character’s perspective to the other.

Five main characters: Emil Jannings Marlene Dietrich, Josef von Sternberg Kurt Gerron Hans Albers

Roles as Couples

1. Protagonist / Antagonist

Emil Jannings / Marlene Dietrich

Common ground / similarities:

Both are fellow actors obligated to do their best and make “The Blue Angel” a hit.

Differences that create conflict:

Dietrich holds Janning in contempt.

Dietrich wants career of stardom.

Jannings wants career advancement and maintain star-status which he feels

Dietrich with the help of von Sternberg is undermining.

Need Fulfillment:

Dietrich: Stardom and a hit movie and in the future with von Sternberg’s

mentorship a superstardom and creative partnership at Paramount Studios..

Jannings: Stardom in the hit movie and in his future.

2. Protagonist / Connecting Character with the Antagonist.

Jannings / Joseph von Sternberg connects Jannings and Marlene Dietrich.

Common ground / similarities:

Respectively they are actor /director. Together with other actors, they all want to make

“The Blue Angel” a hit.

Differences that create conflict:

Jannings is critical of von Sternberg for his exclusive attention toward Dietrich as

he grooms her for stardom (he feels) in the film (in which he is star).

Jannings believes the partnership between director and actor, i.e., von Sternberg and Jannings is being neglected by von Sternberg by is attention on Dietrich.

Von Sternberg insists that Dietrich is the newcomer to the film industry and needs

grooming and extra support, including from Jannings as the star.

Need Fulfillment:

Von Sternberg: Wants to see Dietrich and Jannings work as partners in art to

create a great film which will win acclaim for both of them.

Dietrich and Jannings agree. Von Sternberg, at least for a while, has defused the

conflict and set the scene for a successful completion of the film..

3. Antagonist / Connecting Character (who connects Protagonist / Antagonist

Marlene Dietrich / Josef von Sternberg

Common ground / similarities:

Von Sternberg and Dietrich have become lovers as well as mentor and mentee.

Von Sternberg wants to train Dietrich for the superstardom he sees for her in the

future as well as the partnership they will share making many motion pictures well into the future at Paramount. Dietrich wants the same

Differences that create conflict:

Von Sternberg must be director of Dietrich as well as her mentor and lover and so must

put aside his other relationships to Dietrich in order to be her director who can bring both

Dietrich and Jannings together as partners in art to make a great film.

Need Fulfillment:

Von Sternberg and Dietrich want a successful film, he persuades both Dietrich

and Jannings they can not reach this common goal without cooperation with one

another. Dietrich needs Jannings, Jannings needs Dietrich and both need von

Sternberg who needs both of them to work together.

4. Protagonist / Support Character #1

Emil Jannings / Kurt Gerron (Kliepert in the film, i.e., the MC and Troupe leader).

Common ground / similarities:

Jannings and Gerron are men, fellow actors, an both are concerned with their future survival both in career and life with what appears to be inevitable Nazi takeover.

Gerron is Jewish, Jannings’ mother is Russian-born of Jewish origin.

Both Jannings and Gerron wrestle with the question of how far does one go in collaborating with an enemy, i.e., work in the Nazi film industry.

Differences that create conflict:

Gerron tries in vain to disabuse Jannings of his perception of being upstaged as

the star by Dietrich and not to worry about the exclusive attention von Sternberg

gives to her. “Just act and follow Joe’s direction until he says, ‘Cut, print.’”

Need Fulfillment:

In the short term, both want a hit film. In the future, guidance as to what to do

when the Nazis take over.

5. Antagonist / Supporting Character #1

Marlene Dietrich / Hans Albers (Mazeppa, the strongman in the film, who has an attraction to Dietrich’s character of Lola Lola and tries to steal her from her husband, i.e., Jannings’ character of Prof. Immanuel Rath).

Common ground / similarities:

They are both actors who have a climactic scene together which they want to play to the hilt.

Differences that create conflict:

While still a friend of Jannings, he tires of his complaints about Dietrich and von

Sternberg, he wishes he could make the situation better but Dietrich looks upon

him as the unwanted helper. Only von Sternberg should have any mediating role.

Need Fulfillment:

They want peace on the set so that they get a hit movie.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITHS CHARACTER ARC

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

How important it is to review elements of a character’s arc and expand it with elements of the character’s fears, flaws, issues and challenges and transformation.

NOTE: This is so important, I did the notes below (which are underlined and in bold in the Day 7 Outline (below) but I am excited and aching to start writing those scenes.

PROTAGONIST: EMIL JANNINGS

ORIGINAL CHARACTER ARC FOR EMIL JANNINGS:

Parts to be changed: His jealousy of Dietrich.

Biggest Fear: For his future and his retention of stardom that won him an Oscar.

Completion of Arc: He chooses to put aside his feud with Dietrich and delivers a stellar performance, but choses to remain in Germany and becomes an instrument of Nazi propaganda if it is the only way he can protect his life and those of his Jewish mother and family.

REVISED ARC (AND ELEMENTS) ACCORDING TO THIS ASSIGNMENT FOCUSED ON Fears, flaws, or traits that could be changed. Plus, issues, obstacles and challenges and transformation.

FEARS: That Dietrich will upstage him as the star of “The Blue Angel.” Losing his star-status. Primary fear: Loss of a career in the future because he can’t go back to Hollywood and the Nazis are on the rise in Germany. He fears the Nazis may persecute him and family if his Jewish mother’s origin is discovered. He fear he might have to cooperate with the Nazis to misdirect them away from himself and the Jewish origin of his mother.

FLAWS: Jannings is prone to overacting and over-reacting. He is sullen and quicktempered.

ISSUES: Can he transcend his ego and work with Dietrich?

CHALLENGES: Resolve to assist the Nazis only to disguise himself from their persecution. But explains these matters to the Allied Command officer in such a way that that gets him off the accusation of being a Nazi collaborator who requires de-nazification.

TRANSFORMATION: Jannings learns from Gerron’s meeting with his Rabbi that it would be permissible to cooperate with the Nazis as long as no lives were taken in doing so. This eases Jannings conscience and emboldens him in subsequent actions..

The chief transformation for EMIL JANNINGS ARE PROVIDED BELOW IN THIS 9 BEAT OUTLINE FROM DAY 7:

PS80 DAY 7 BOB SMITH’S FIRST PASS

PRESENT YOUR STORY SHOWING EACH PART OF THE 9-BEAT STRUCTUE:

WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

LOGLINE: Amid the decadence of Weimar Berlin, a prominent film director (Josef von Sternberg) coaches his unknown discovery (Marlene Dietrich) and grooms her for stardom. This grows into an affair that parallels the erotic thriller they are filming, “The Blue Angel” in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin but life further imitates art as a rivalry develops between the star of the film, Oscar winning actor Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich all within a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Janning, all of which has far reaching impact.

STRUCTURE (I am including all the instances of rivalry and the dramatic triangle and character arc in bold.)

1. OPENING:

Titel Card: July 1945, Post-war Berlin. US Troop Headquarters.

Out of the rubble the figure of a man emerges brandishing an Oscar statuette, he shouts at the US Troop installation before him, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I have won an Oscar!” US troops take him into custody and discover that he is the German actor, Emil Jannings, first Best Actor Oscar winner for ‘The Last Command” (1929)’ and famous also for his performance in “The Blue Angel” (1930) although some of the soldiers say they don’t remember him, but they remember Marlene Dietrich as the star. Jannings grumbles, “I was the star! What you remember is Miss Dietrich’s legs!” They ask what happened to him since then, he indicates that he was “Artist of the State” under the Nazis. The US Commander tells him that he will have to undergo denazification which effectively ends his acting career and asks what led him to perform for the Nazis. So Jannings recounts his unfortunate choices which go back to what happened during the filming of the erotic thriller, “The Blue Angel” in 1930.

“’Moths Around a Flame..’” is about a rivalry between Dietrich and Jannings with a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Jannings.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: Marlene Dietrich, an unknown, auditions for the part of the Cabaret show girl, Lola Lola. Josef von Sternberg, the Director, screens her audition for the studio executives and Emil Jannings, and says he will cast her in the role of the Cabaret showgirl Lola Lola, who is the love interest of Professor Rath (played by Jannings) whose infatuation with her leads to his ruination. Von Sternberg’s choice is met with opposition from everyone involved in the production who were hoping for an established actress in the part. But von Sternberg insists that he will work with no other actress but Dietrich, a chorus girl. He says she is a novice and he will coach her for the part and the stardom he believes can be hers. Jannings views Dietrich as a rival and reminds von Sternberg: “But remember, I am the star of this film.”

3. BY PAGE 10: Von Sternberg is spending an inordinate amount of time with Dietrich in coaching her for the role and grooming her for stardom. He tells Dietrich to lose weight. She invites him and Jannings on a night out to see “the Berlin of Lola Lola” starting wth the Sabri Mahir Boxing Studio, where she keeps in shape and will get into the better shape von Sternberg desires with intensive boxing exercises under Mahir, her trainer. She introduces von Sternberg and Jannings to Mahir and also her friend, actress Carola Neher, also a boxer, and now a cast member of Berthold Brecht’s “Three Penny Opera.” She invites Carola to a boxing match and knocks her out with her lethal right hook which impresses von Sternberg and Jannings. She invites Jannings to join Mahir’s studio as a way to augment his commendable loss of 100 lbs and staying in shape and then invites Carola to join her, Jannings, and von Sternberg for a visit to “the Berlin of Lola Lola” where they can meet the “Einstein of Sex” Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, a sexologist. All this is Dietrich’s way to deepen her relationship with von Sternberg and mend her relationship with Janning, if not play one-up on him.

The next thing that happens added from a revised outline is that the Nazis attack the Club Silhouette which prompts Dr. Hirschfeld to speak and anti-Nazi tirade warning that the Nazis will inevitably take over Germany and God help us if they do. If you’re jewish or gay, leave now, if you stay you may have to cooperate with the Nazis to survive. This triggers Jannings chief fear, his mother is of Jewish origin, what can he do to protect her? Cooperate with the Nazis. However, fellow cast member, Kurt Gerron consulted his Rabbi who said it is permissible to cooperate with the enemy as long as no lives are taken. This eases jannings conscience. (Gerron, later while imprisoned in Terezienstadt, made a propaganda film for the Nazis under the threat of death).

4. FIRST TURNING POINT IN ACT ONE: At the Club Silhouette, Carola, Marlene von Sternberg, and Jannings meet Dr. Hirschfeld who advocates for gay rights and greater freedom in matters of sex. While Dietrich sits on von Sternberg’s lap, in a moment to be reenacted in The film “Morocco,” Marlene Dietrich reaches over and kisses Carola Neher on the lips which makes Dietrich the more attractive to von Sternberg and repulsive to Jannings (“Lola Lola would never do that” Dietrich: “Don’t be so sure.”). Marlene orders champagne for everybody in the club in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel.” However, the celebration is cut short. A group of Nazis marching in the street hurl rocks through the windows of the Club Silhouette. Hirshfeld remarks, “If those Nazis take over, it will be all over for homosexuals and for Jews. And I am both!” Von Sternberg says, “They will take over the movie business, too. Well, there is work in Hollywood, (to Marlene, he says) “After ‘Blue Angel,’ that’s where I am taking you.” Dr. Hirschfeld to speak and anti-Nazi tirade warning that the Nazis will inevitably take over Germany and God help us if they do. If you’re jewish or gay, leave now, if you stay you may have to cooperate with the Nazis to survive. This triggers Jannings chief fear, his mother is of Jewish origin, what can he do to protect her and the rest of his family as well as himself as part Jewish? Cooperate with the Nazis? However, fellow cast member, Kurt Gerron consulted his Rabbi who said it is permissible to cooperate with the enemy as long as no lives are taken. This eases jannings conscience. (Gerron, later while imprisoned in Terezienstadt, made a propaganda film for the Nazis under the threat of death).

5. MIDPOINT/ PLOT EVENT: Jannings castigates von Sternberg that he does not even lunch with him but has lunch in Dietrich’s dressing room.

6. MIDPOINT: Von Sternberg’s wife (Riva Royce) confronts him about his relationship with Marlene Dietrich. She says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He replies, “I’d sooner share a telephone booth with a cobra.”

7. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Emil Jannings and novelist,

Heinrich Mann watch some dailies. Mann complains that the whole story of his novel

(Professor Unrat) on which “The Blue Angel is based, is subverted by Miss Dietrich’s

legs. Emil Jannings agrees and they go to complain directly to von Sternberg,

Jannings particularly harboring the grievance that he is upstaged by Dietrich

while he is the star. And that all his (von Sternberg’s direction is honed in on

Dietrich while he feels that their collaborative spirit that they had in earlier films

has eroded. Von Sternberg explains that he (Jannings) is the mature actor and

Dietrich needs the attention and she could use his support.

8. CRISIS: In one scene, Jannings’ character is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s character. Jannings over acts it and actually strangles Dietrich, bruising her. She says to von Sternberg, “I played along for the sake of the scene but I could have decked him with my right hook. Next time he tries it, that’s what I’ll do!” She spews her thoughts that she has kept to herself throughout the film, e.g., that Jannings is a sullen egotistical fool and an over-acting ham who in your (von Sternberg’s) absence has vetoed your direction and directed the cast to do the opposite of what you instructed them.

CHARACTER ARCS: Von Sternberg says to both Dietrich and Jannings, “’The Blue Angel is about to wrap. He need actors who see each other as partners to make a work of art and now put on the finishing touches.” They put aside their rivalry and finish excellent closing scenes in the climax.

9.

10. CLIMAX: The final scenes are filmed: Marlene singing her signature song, “Falling in Love Again,” which includes title line: “Men cluster to me like Moths around a flame. And if their wings are burned, I know I’m not to blame.”

Jannings then enacts the tragic end of the Professor, as he dies clinging to his desk in his old class room.

11. Uncertain of his future, Jannings pays a visit to Alfred Hugenberg, the studio chief, and states his anxiety about his future. Jannings is convinced that he has no future in Hollywood because, he has found out the hard way that his German accent is not working for “talkies.” Hugenberg is a supporter of the Nazis and says to Jannings that he has a future in Germany when the Nazis take over. He tells him that he knows Goebbels is an admirer.

12. JANNINGS CHARACTER ARC: Life imitates art as Jannings becomes a favorite of the Nazis, only to find himself, as in the opening scene, condemned to de-nazification, in effect, ending his acting career and ruined, much like the professor he played fifteen years earlier, in “The Blue Angel.” Jannings protests denazification because hee never was a Nazi. He challendges the Allied Officer: Had he survived, Would he condemn Kurt Gerron to de-nazification because he made a propagands filmfor the Nazis? The officer retorts, “Gerron made only one film under the guard towers of Theriesenstadt, you made six, plus you campaigned for the Nazi Party in the 1938 Reichstag elections when there were no guard towers with machine guns above you. Janning: “But if I had not, I could have been condemned to a place of guard towers, I, and my family and had they discovered my mother’s Jewish origin, we would have ended up like Kurt Gerron and his familyl”

13. Closing Title Cards:

Josef von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich went to Hollywood and for the next decade created many acclaimed motion pictures. She opposed Hitler, became an American citizen and entertained the troops even as they fought the German army.

Emil Jannings after 1945 underwent denazification. He would never act again and died in 1950 at age 65.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Found a way to say things better

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S CHARACTERS LIVE!

What I learned doing thhis assignment is…?

To have fun with having different ways to bring a character to life.

KURT GERRON. Portrays Kliepert in “The Blue Angel.” Kliepert is the magician, MC, and leader of the troupe that features Lola Lola. He originated the part of the Street Singer in the first production of Brecht’s “Threepenny Opera.” That’s right, he was the first to sing “Mack the Knife.” If Santa Claus were younger, clean-shaven, and Jewish, he would be Kurt Gerron with an appreciation of naughty together with nice.

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – NIGHT

At Marlene Dietrich’s request, the principal actors have gathered along with director, JOSEF von STERNBERG: Sternberg, JANNINGS, HANS ALBERS are present. They are waiting for Kurt Gerron.

STERNBERG

Gerron is always late.

KURT GERRON, scurries in, enter.

GERRON

Well, I am only two minutes late, this time.

DIETRICH

I am so thrilled to be working with all of you.

I want to take all of you out tonight in celebration.

Let’s enjoy a night on the town in the “Berlin of

Lola Lola.”

JANNINGS

Protocol dictates that such largesse should be

paid for by the star. In other words, me.

STERNBERG

What’s this about protocol? Emil, you need

to break character, this is not the schoolroom of the stodgy Professor Rath. Allow Miss Dietrich the largesse.

GIRRON

Let’s split the bill or pay by separate checks.

DIETRICH

I won’t hear of it. I am inviting, I pay. It’s my pleasure

to take you out to see “the Berlin of Lola Lola.”

GERRON

Actually, the Berlin of Marlene Dietrich.

ALL laugh.

DIETRICH

All the same. I’ll take you to the gay cabaret,

the Club Silhouette.You don’t have to be gay

to enjoy it. All the show people go there for

a good time.

GERRON

My wife and I love the drag queens.

DIETRICH

Someone else who goes there is the “Einstein

of Sex.”

GERRON

Who is that?

DIETRICH

Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, he’s a doctor who

specializes in Sexology.

GERRON

My kind of doctor!

DIETRICH

Ahh, but first. Director von Sternberg has told

me to lose weight.

GIRRON

Better you than me.

DIETRICH

I have already taken up boxing at Sabri Mahir’s

Boxing Studion. My trainer is the Turkish Boxing

Champion, Sabri Mahir himself. You’ll

meet him and if any of you want to lose weight and

get fit, Sabri Mahir’s Boxing Studio is the place to go.

ALBERS

I play Mazeppa the strongman. It might be a

good for me to go. I bet Mazeppa would have

taken up boxing at some point. I might join.

What about you, Emil??

JANNINGS

I have already lost 100 pounds.

GERRON

You gave it to me.

DIETRICH

Time to lose the next hundred.

GERRON.

Ooooo.

DIETRICH

I was just kidding. You need to relax, Emil.

STERNBERG

Yes, you are still in character as the Professor.

By the way, I shaped the Professor after

A teacher at the Hebrew School my father

Compelled me to attend in his tyrannical

Orthodoxy.

GERRON

I think all Hebrew School teachers first

attend a school where they teach them to

be Too Serious.

STERNBERG

Maybe my teacher was also yours.

GERRON

Well, let’s get un-serious and meet this “Einstein of

Sex” and the Turkish Boxing Champion.

ALBERS

I wonder if he could beat Max Schmeling.

GERRON

Who? The “Einstein of Sex”? Just kidding.

I know you mean the Turkish Boxing Champion.

You wonder if he could beat Max Schmelling.

I want to know if he could beat Benny

Leonard.

DIETRICH

Come and ask him. Let’s go.

All exit.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITHS DUELING AGENDAS

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Mining from the traits and subtext creates scenes and also discovery of possibilities in the stories and characters

Scene of Dueling agendas between. Emil Jannings and Josef von Sternberg.

NAME: EMIL JANNINGS

TRAITS: Imperious, easily offended. Afraid (of losing star-status to Marlene Dietrich and of his career’s future).

SUBTEXT: Deceitful, manipulative.

NAME: JOSEF von STERNBERG

TRAITS: Artistic, perfectionist.

SUBTEXT: Demanding.

INT. SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

During a break from filming. JANNINGS is with fellow actors KURT GERRON and HANS ALBERS, they have scripts in hand and are in costume. GERRON: Tux and top hat. ALBERS: Derby and top coat. JANNINGS: Clown costume.

GERRON

Did you meet with Chaplin?

JANNINGS

Yes, and I met with Eisenstein and

Keaton. I have met all the great

directors who have visited the set of

“The Blue Angel.” The only director

who has not visited the set of “The

Blue Angel” to talk with the actors is

the director of “The Blue Angel.” He

is on the set only when he shoots.

How can a creative relationship be

built without a director commiserating

with his actors? He is somewhere building a

relationship with Miss Dietrich.

ALBERS

(Exasperated.)

Oh, let’s run lines

JANNINGS

I have worked with Jo on many films

and this is the first in which partnership

with his lead actor (me) is missing.

Von STERNBERG enters from behind Jannings and overhears.

ALBERS

Well, we are only shipmates. Tell the captain

of the ship.

JANNINGS

That’s it! Where is the Captain of the ship?

GERRON

Look behind you, Emil.

STERNBERG

Ten Minutes, everyone.

Gerron and Albers exit.

STERNBERG

You have grievances, let’s hear them.

JANNINGS

It’s your partnership that I miss. You

Spend your time exclusively with Miss

Dietrich.

STERNBERG

I have explained to you. You and I have

successfully worked for years and we know

each other’s techniques. You and I know each

other but Miss Dietrich is the newcomer who

needs special attention. She needs your support,

too, as the star.

JANNINGS

Let me tell you what the attention has produced.

I attended rushes recently with Heinrich Mann.

He says his book is obliterated in this movie.

You’ve turned his novel into pornography. The

only thing memorable is “Miss Dietrich’s legs.”

STERNBERG

I must make Lola Lola seductive or why else

would your character be seduced by her? I’ll be frank, Emil: You are obsessed with Miss Dietrich and you

fear she is a rival. She is not. You ARE the star of

“The Blue Angel.” As a newcomer, she needs your

support as the star. Now, I have a grievance.

Behind my back you have instructed other actors

to do the opposite of my direction. You are only

star of this film but I am the only director. This is

the first time you have ever done this. It must be

the last.

JANNINGS

Your source for this rumor is Miss Dietrich, who

has as much contempt for me as she has loyalty

to you.

STERNBERG

There is no room on this set for schoolyard pettiness.

It is unworthy of you, Emil. Now, let’s get on the set

and make a motion picture.

Jannings and von Sternberg exit. This scene segues into the scene in which Jannings’ character strangles Dietrich’s character, but Jannings over acts and actually hurts Dietrich.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Correct a few names from CAPS to lower case, following the usual screenplay format

[Robert Smith]

BOB’S CHARACTER PROFILES

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

Developing the useful tools of a character profiles help in making stronger characterizations and would be highly useful in attracting actors to the script..

Profiles of Three Main Characters

A note on Protagonist/Antagonist. In the Dramatic Triangle of Jannings/Dietrich/ and von Sternberg, the roles of Protagonist and Antagonist, rotates.

Name: Emil Jannings.

Traits: Jealous, imperious, fear-driven.

Wants/Needs: To maintain star-status and secure the future of his career.

Paradoxes: Although a star, he has lacks confidence and security to take a leadership role as a star in the production.

Secret: He goes behind the scenes and instructs actors to do the opposite of what von Sternberg directs.

Flaw: He misperceives rivalry and opposition where there is none. He is a star but lacks the confidence and sense of a star’s leadership in a successful production

Special: He is an Oscar-winning actor.

Name: Marlene Dietrich.

Traits: Ambitious, creative, talent that needs shaping, strong-headed but subservient (to director, von Sternberg).

Wants/needs: Success as an actress, recognition as a great actress.

Paradoxes: Despite her strong-headedness she is devoted to her mentor and lover, von Sternberg.

Secret: Although living a free-wheeling bisexual life-style, she is married and has a daughter whom she supports along with her husband’s mistress.

Flaw: Anger. She can lash out at others and hurt them.

Special: She is a great star-in-the=making and actress and this is so evident in “The Blue Angel.”

Name: Josef von Sternberg.

Traits: Perfectionist, artistic, exacting.

Wants/Needs: To make a great motion picture of “The Blue Angel” and partner with Marlene Dietrich in making great motion pictures.

Paradoxes: Wants a professional partnership with his discovery (Dietrich) and an intimate relationship, but when his wife, Riza Royce confronts him and says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He answers: “I’d sooner share a phone booth with a cobra.’

Flaws: He is as infatuated with Dietrich almost as much as the Professor in the film is infatuated with Lola Lola but in Pygmalionizing relationship (Some would say Svengali) and this to the extent that he is isolated from the rest of the cast and especially the star (Jannings).

Special: He is a great film director and proactively addresses the feud between Dietrich and Jannings and turns them into partners in making “The Blue Angel” a film classic

[Robert Smith]

^{BOB SMITH’S SUBTEXT AND LOGLINES}

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

I learned how to develop subtext out of character traits and how loglines for characters are as useful and important as loglines for a script.

SUBTEXTS AND LOGLINES FOR THE THREE MAIN CHARACTERS

Name: Emil Jannings.

Traits: Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible loss of status as a star and for his future career).

Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.

Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.

Name: Marlene Dietrich.

Traits: Ambitious, creative, subservient (to director, von Sternberg).

Subtext: Domineering (publicly); subservient to von Sternberg; contemptuous of Jannings.

Logline: Dietrich is the unknown discovered by director, von Sternberg and cast in the prominent role of showgirl Lola Lola whom he grooms for her role and for future stardom, although she is in a feud with the film’s star (Emil Jannings).

Name: Josef von Sternberg.

Traits: Perfectionist, artistic, exacting.

Subtext: Demanding.

Logline: Josef von Sternberg is the celebrated director of “The Blue Angel” who cast his discovery Marlene Dietrich as Lola Lola in defiance of the studio brass and the star (Emil Jannings) and now find himself in a relationship of both lover and mentor of Dietrich while trying to direct “The Blue Angel” and play referee in a feud between Jannings and Dietrich.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH’S CLICHÉ BUSTING!

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIHS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

A scene can be elevated and rid of clichés with imagination as long as you stick to the central purpose of the scene.

CHOSEN SCENE: INT. SCREENING ROOM – DAY.

The screening of Dietrich’s audition followed by dialogue among von Sternberg, Emil Jannings and the studio brass resembles too closely the opening scene of “Citizen Kane” with the newsreel and the reaction.

THE PURPOSE OF THE SCENE: To introduce Marlene Dietrich which unsettles Jannings and the studio brass who were hoping for an experienced actress. Von Sternberg says he will work with no other actress. Jannings is concerned the beautiful newcomer will upstage him as the star.

MY CHOICE OF REVISION: The setting of the screening room is gone. It is in a Conference Room at the studio where the meeting occurs. Present are: Von Sternberg, Jannings, support actors Hans Albers and Kurt Gerron, plus, producer Erich Pommer and studio chief, Alfred Hugenberg. Von Sternberg announces that Dietrich is his choice to portray Lola Lola. Disappointment is expressed that he has not chosen a more experienced actress as was hoped. Hugenberg and Pommer, leave the meeting. Von Sternberg introduces Dietrich. She compliments Jannings saying she is pleased to act opposite so great a star. She says, she is following von Sternberg’s direction to lose weight and would like to take him and everybody there out on the town to see “the Berlin of Lola Lola” after first visiting the gym where she has already been working out and learning boxing under the direction of Turkish Boxing Champion, Sabri Mahir … this sets up the next scene of the group, out on the town.

PURPOSE: Establish von Sternberg’s commitment to Dietrich and Dietrich’s magnanimity as well as moving the scene toward Mahir’s Boxing Studio where Dietrich’s exacting personality is revealed in a match with fellow actress, Carola Neher and they all go out (Dietrich’s treat) to a gay cabaret (Club Silhouette).

Other ideas

1. Eliminate the screening room scene and the meeting entirely, it’s Jannings and his wife Augusta, and he is retelling her what happened at the meeting and who was cast as Lola Lola. She warns him of how she as a cabaret singer could upstage him.

2. Private meeting of von Sternberg with Jannings, he introduces Dietrich to him and their dialogue covers the purpose of the scene.

3. Pommer and Jannings are in a cab and are recounting the choice of Dietrich. Pommer calls her a whore who shouldn’t be in the film.

4. .The scene takes place on the set where the announcement and introduction of Marlene Dietrich occurs. It plays out as intended.

5. The scene takes place at the executive office with the signing of Dietrich’s contract.

6. Dietrich is already cast and Jannings and the author of “Professor Unrat” the novel on which “The Blue Angel” is based, are viewing the rushes of the latest shoot, and Mann is disappointed that his book is gone, the only thing that grabs attention is “Miss Dietrich’s legs.” These words just reinforce Jannings fears of being upstaged by Dietrich whom von Sternberg has begun to groom for stardom.

7. Meeting is in the commissary over lunch. Same purpose and elements as above. But the added subject: Janning, but in your screentest you acted like you didn’t care what you were doing.” Dietrich: Because I didn’t think I’d get the part.” Von Sternberg says, “It is your “I don’t care” attitude that I want for the part of Lola Lola,.

8. The meeting is on the set but just among von Sternberg, Dietrich, Hans Albers, Kurt Gerron. Same purpose and direction.

9. The scene is eliminated entirely. All the elements go into the scene of Dietrich showing them her boxing gym, and later at the Club Silhouette.

10. The scene is eliminated and the elements are stated by Jannings voice-over narrative telling it to the US Intake Officer. In other words, it is a continuation of the dialogue of that scene of the inciting incident in INT. OFFICE US ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY.

11. If that option seems like boring exposition, then Jannings’ voice over narration still stays that links each scene to the other whatever option of what was the Screening Room scene.

12. The scene is actually the actors Gerron and Albers discussing the dynamic they see of Jannings’ professional jealousy of Dietrich.

13. Dietrich herself speaks as narrative voice-over of the story.

14. Gerron and Albers speak to each other of what happened at the meeting as they are principal supporting actors.

15. The scene is the same, only it’s on the set, and Heinrich Mann, author of “Professor Unrat” on which “The Blue Angel” is based narrates his disappointment that his book is being obliterated by von Sternberg. Then, we hear from Pommer, Hugenberg, Gerron, Albers. All aspects of the purpose of the scene are contained in the narratives spoken.

16. The pieces of dialogue intended for this scene are divided into quick splitscreen vignettes of the persons either speaking with one or two others, or alone about the meaning of the casting of Dietrich and the direction the film is taking under von Sternberg.

17. If not #16 then it is each of the characters speaking with Jannings which re-enforces his jealousy.

18. Turkish Boxing Champion Sabri Mahir visits the set to take Dietrich on a date. Dietrich introduces Mahir to the group (von Sternberg, Jannings, Gerron, Albers – no studio executives are present and they are criticized for standing against von Sternberg’s choice of Dietrich for the role of Lola Lola. Dietrich says, I am already training with Sabri, through his training, I will lose those extra pounds that you directed me to lose, Herr Direktor.” Mahir enters into the conversation that von Sternberg is right. He is like the trainer in film making, and he knows what is best for you. Mahir invites the group to his boxing gym. Albers is eager to go, says he could use some toning, as he will portray the Strongman Mazeppa in “The Blue Angel.” As a total outsider, Mahir has backed into the sour subject. “Von Sternberg will “train” Marlene into glorious stardom, I am sure.” Jannings says, “Just remember, I am the star of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

19. Actress Carola Neher visits the set and the same type of dialogue occurs, as above. She is an actress who sticks up for the director and Dietrich. She also goes with Dietrich and the other actors to the gym, where under the training of Sabri Mahir, I shall lose weight and our friend Albers will tone up for the part of Mazzeppa the strong man.”

20. The von Sternbergs take the Jannings, the Gerrons, the Albers, and Dietrich to their villa in the Bavarian Alps to discuss the film, all the elements and the purpose of the original scene are there: von Sternberg’s defiance of the studio brass and Jannings, Dietrich inviting everybody in the cast and von Sternberg to the gym and a night out at the Club Silhouette.

21. Same setup as #20 only it’s the Jannings invitation to their Berlin penthouse. In both #20 and #21, Dietrich says she’ll reciprocate by a night on the town in “the Berlin of Lola Lola” at the gym and Club Silhouette.

22. The scene takes place in Dietrich’s countryside home where she lives with her husband Rudy Sieber, their daughter, Riva (5years old), and Rudy’s mistress Tamara Matul.

23. The screening room location is gone. The same essential dialogue occur in taxis and limos on the way to Mahir’s Boxing Studio.

24. As in 23, the dialogue occurs while Dietrich is getting ready to box Carola Neher.

25. Same as in 24 only it’s in the cloak room of the Club Silhouette.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH – REQUEST FOR EXCHANGE OF ESSENCE OUTLINES. (Many thanks.)

CONCEPT

Working Title: “Moths Around a Flame:” The Making of “The Blue Angel.”

A. LOGLINE: The making of the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” (1930) has an impact on the principal actors, Emil Jannings and [then unknown] Marlene Dietrich and the director (Josef von Sternberg) that leads to success for von Sternberg, stardom for Dietrich, but ironically, the fall of Emil Jannings in a manner that parallels his role as the professor in the film, whose infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin.

PLOT CHOICE: (Tragic) #12 Transformation.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE: Dramatic Triangle.

The dramatic triangle is between the director (Josef von Sternberg) and Marlene Dietrich with Emil Jannings who believes Dietrich upstages him as the star of the film and has alienated von Sternberg from working with him.

LEAD CHARACTERS:

MARLENE DIETRICH is the ‘unknown” whom Josef von Sternberg is grooming for stardom.

JOSEF VON STERNBERG is the director of ‘The Blue Angel” who grooms Dietrich for stardom which grows into an affair that threatens his marriage and complicates his working relationship with his star, Emil Jannings

EMIL JANNINGS is an acclaimed Oscar-winning actor who is the star of “The Blue Angel” who feels dethroned by Dietrich and abandoned by von Sternberg who devotes himself almost full time to mentoring Dietrich to the negect of his working relationship with with him (Jannings).

NECESSARY QUESTIONS:

A. The Dramatic Question: How could an actor – a man of Jannings’ stature have allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazis in propaganda films?

B. The Main Conflict: Between Jannings and Dietrich with von Sternberg trying to mediate as director in this feud between his discovery and lover Dietrich and his star, Jannings.

C. The Emotional Dilemma:

For Jannings: To swallow his jealousy and animus, at the director’s request in order to be partners in art with Dietrich to complete the film. Later, with apparently no film career in Hollywood, does Jannings work with the Nazi propagandist film industry just to have a motion picture career?

For Dietrich: To disregard her contempt for Jannings, at the director’s request and be partners in art with him for the completion of the film.

For von Sternberg: To be not only a lover and mentor for Dietrich but to be a director who mediates between feuding actors.

ARC OF LEAD CHARACTERS.

In spite of the feud, Dietrich, Jannings, and von Sternberg finish a magnificent film.

Dietrich and von Sternberg return to America.

Jannings remains in Germany believing he has no future in Hollywood (his German accent doesn’t work in Hollywood “talkies”) and receives counsel from a studio executive that he should consider continuing his career in films for the Third Reich. The penalty if he doesn’t could be imprisonment or worse.

The Theme: Do not judge anyone for an action they performed under a death-threat.

OPENING:

Title: Berlin – American Sector, July, 1945.

EXT: US ARMY HEADQUARTERS –

Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!” Jannings seeks asylum from the Soviets in the free (Allied) sector of Berlin.

INT. OFFICE US ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY

INCITING INCIDENT: A US Army intake Officer, who is a film buff wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of Jannings’ stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film.

INT. SCREENING ROOM – DAY

Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings in the film – who immediately believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict.

INT. THE BLUE ANGEL STUDIO SET – DAY

After filming the first rendition of “Falling in Love Again,” Dietrich takes von Sternberg and Jannings, and fellow cast members Kurt Gerron, and Hans Albers ‘out on the town’ of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola.” All accept and leave the set and studi.

INT. SABRI MAHER’S BOXING STUDIO – NIGHT

Dietrich introduces the group to her trainer, Turkish Boxing Champion Sabri Maher and has a faux boxing match with fellow actress Carola Neher, and knocks her out, and then invites everybody to join her at the gay cabaret, Club Silhouette a favorite hangout of show people and the intelligentsia.

INT. CLUB SILHOUETTE – NIGHT

Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld (Berlin’s “Einstein of Sex”) invites Dietrich and company to sit with him. In celebration of her getting the part of Lola Lola, Dietrich buys drinks for everyone in the club, including those who said she can’t act. Carola good-naturedly chides Dietrich, “Just because you got the part, doesn’t mean you can act.” Jannings, not good-naturedly, adds: “It’s her legs that know how to act.” When Nazi Brown Shirts hurl rocks through the club’s windows, Hirschfeld frighteningly predicts an end to freedom with a soon and inevitable Nazi take-over.

INT. APARTMENT OF JOSEF VON STERNBERG – NIGHT

In regard to von Sternberg’s relationship with Dietrich, his wife (Riza Royce) confronts him, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He answers, “I’d sooner share a phone booth with a cobra.”

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

On a break, Jannings complains to Gerron and Albers that von Sternberg is constantly with Dietrich and neglected his partnership with other actors in creating a great film including the real star of the film, Jannings himself. Gerron and Albers try to reassure Jannings. Von Sternberg appears and Jannings puts his complaints to him directly to which he replies, “Emil, you are the star. Marlene is the novice and needs attention as well as support from you, as the star.”

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

The conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character that he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood because his accent makes him unsuitable for ‘talkies,’ asks studio chief Alfred Hugenberg (a Nazi-supporter) for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema. Jannings informs Gerron and Albers who say that they have plans on what to do in the event of a Nazi take-over, Gerron (a Jew) will flee to France, Albers will send his Jewish mistress to England. Jannings, will protect his mother, a Russian born woman of Jewish origin if need be by working in Nazi cinema.

INT. OFFICE US ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY (AS BEFORE)

In answer the question of how he allowed himself to be used by the Nazis, Jannings tells the US Intake Officer, that if he had not worked for the Nazis he may have died and also his Russian Jewish mother. The US Officer informs Jannings that he must be de-nazified which effectively ends his acting career and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.”

RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures through the 1930’s. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Found a better way to say one thing

[Robert Smith]

[PS80] DAY 16 BOB SMITH’S PASS 10 ESSENCE ONLY OCTOBER 18 2021

What I learned is…?

To get down to essentials of the script around which details of the story are built. It is also an exercise in telling the story in brevity and clarity so focus is created when adding the relevant details. That is, relevant to the essence.

A. Sluglines tell us the location.

B. Place a one or two sentence description of what happens in each scene that delivers the essence of that scene.

2. Post your outline to the group include each of these:

A. LOGLINE: The making of the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” (1930) has an impact on the principal actors, Emil Jannings and [then unknown] Marlene Dietrich and the director (Josef von Sternberg) that leads to success for von Sternberg, stardom for Dietrich, but ironically, the fall of Emil Jannings in a manner that parallels his role as the professor in the film, whose infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin.

B. The Dramatic Question: How could an actor – a man of Jannings’ stature have allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazis in propaganda films?

C. The Main Conflict: Between Jannings and Dietrich with von Sternberg trying to mediate as director in this feud between his discovery and lover Dietrich and his star, Jannings.

D. The Emotional Dilemma:

For Jannings: To swallow his jealousy and animus, at the director’s request in order to be partners in art with Dietrich to complete the film. Later, with apparently no film career in Hollywood, does Jannings work with the Nazi propagandist film industry just to have a motion picture career?

For Dietrich: To disregard her contempt for Jannings, at the director’s request and be partners in art with him for the completion of the film.

For von Sternberg: To be not only a lover and mentor for Dietrich but to be a director who mediates between feuding actors.

The Theme: Do not judge anyone for an action they performed under a death-threat.

OPENING:

Title: Berlin – American Sector, July, 1945.

EXT: US ARMY HEADQUARTERS –

Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!” Jannings seeks asylum from the Soviets in the free (Allied) sector of Berlin.

INT. OFFICE US ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY

INCITING INCIDENT: A US Army intake Officer, who is a film buff wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of Jannings’ stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film.

INT. SCREENING ROOM – DAY

Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings in the film – who immediately believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict.

INT. THE BLUE ANGEL STUDIO SET – DAY

After filming the first rendition of “Falling in Love Again,” Dietrich takes von Sternberg and Jannings, and fellow cast members Kurt Gerron, and Hans Albers ‘out on the town’ of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola.” All accept and leave the set and studi.

INT. SABRI MAHER’S BOXING STUDIO – NIGHT

Dietrich introduces the group to her trainer, Turkish Boxing Champion Sabri Maher and has a faux boxing match with fellow actress Carola Neher, and knocks her out, and then invites everybody to join her at the gay cabaret, Club Silhouette a favorite hangout of show people and the intelligentsia.

INT. CLUB SILHOUETTE – NIGHT

Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld (Berlin’s “Einstein of Sex”) invites Dietrich and company to sit with him. In celebration of her getting the part of Lola Lola, Dietrich buys drinks for everyone in the club, including those who said she can’t act. Carola good-naturedly chides Dietrich, “Just because you got the part, doesn’t mean you can act.” Jannings, not good-naturedly, adds: “It’s her legs that know how to act.” When Nazi Brown Shirts hurl rocks through the club’s windows, Hirschfeld frighteningly predicts an end to freedom with a soon and inevitable Nazi take-over.

INT. APARTMENT OF JOSEF VON STERNBERG – NIGHT

In regard to von Sternberg’s relationship with Dietrich, his wife (Riza Royce) confronts him, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He answers, “I’d sooner share a phone booth with a cobra.”

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

On a break, Jannings complains to Gerron and Albers that von Sternberg is constantly with Dietrich and neglected his partnership with other actors in creating a great film including the real star of the film, Jannings himself. Gerron and Albers try to reassure Jannings. Von Sternberg appears and Jannings puts his complaints to him directly to which he replies, “Emil, you are the star. Marlene is the novice and needs attention as well as support from you, as the star.”

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

The conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character that he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood because his accent makes him unsuitable for ‘talkies,’ asks studio chief Alfred Hugenberg (a Nazi-supporter) for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema. Jannings informs Gerron and Albers who say that they have plans on what to do in the event of a Nazi take-over, Gerron (a Jew) will flee to France, Albers will send his Jewish mistress to England. Jannings, will protect his mother, a Russian born woman of Jewish origin if need be by working in Nazi cinema.

INT. OFFICE US ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY (AS BEFORE)

In answer the question of how he allowed himself to be used by the Nazis, Jannings tells the US Intake Officer, that if he had not worked for the Nazis he may have died and also his Russian Jewish mother. The US Officer informs Jannings that he must be de-nazified which effectively ends his acting career and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.”

RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures through the 1930’s. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITHS PASS 7 SETUP/PAYOFF OCTOBER 13 2021

“What I learned doing this assignment is…? Thinking through payoffs and going back to creating setups for them and vice versa. Mapping SP Chains is so useful in building a story.

1. LIST ALL THE SETUP-PAYOFF CHAINS IN YOUR STORY

SP CHAIN 1

The entire film is impelled by a setup in the inciting incident.

Emil Jannings, a prominent actor who had made propaganda films for the Nazis and was the star of “The Blue Angel,” seeks freedom, so he reports to the US Military Headquarters in the American Sector of Berlin, he goes to the location with his Oscar in hand for identification.

Setup: Jannings’s US Case Officer (a film buff) asks what it was like filming “The Blue Angel”? However, he also asks the dramatic question, “How could an actor – a man of your stature, allow himself to be used in Nazi propaganda films?” Jannings answer to those two questions are the payoff of the entire film.

SP CHAIN 2

Set up: Josef von Sternberg, defying both Emil Jannings, star of “The Blue Angel,” and

the studio brass, ignores their desire to get an established actress for the part of Lola Lola and he

casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich).

Payoff 1: Immediately, Jannings feels threatened that he will be nudged from

stardom by Dietrich. By von Sternberg’s exclusive focus on Dietrich to the neglect of himself as the star and the other members of the cast..

Payoff 2: Jannings confronts von Sternberg and gets a lecture from him about how he (Jannings) as the star could lend more support to Dietrich, the novice.

Payoff 3: After Jannings’ anger grows, he over acts a scene in which his character is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s character and he really strangles her.

Payoff 4: Von Sternberg coaches both Dietrich and Jannings to get over their rivalry and partner to finish a great work of cinematic art. They do and turn in stellar performances.

SP CHAIN 3:

Setup: The Nazi Brown Shirts vandalize the gay cabaret Club Silhouette, where Dietrich, von Sternberg, Jannings, Gerron and Albers) are sharing drinks with each other and with sexologist Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld “the Einstein of Sex.”

Payoff 1: Hirschfeld predicts a reign of terror when the Nazis take over, prompting a conversation among them all about what to do to survive under Nazism.

Payoff 2: The prospect of cooperating with Nazis for the sake of survival is raised by Jannings (whose mother is Russian-born of Jewish origin) with Gerron (a Jew) and Albers (who is in love with a Jewish woman).

Payoff 3: Studio Chief and Nazi-sympathizer Hugensberg counsels Jannings to consider making films for the Nazis when asked. That way he can have his stardom, a future career, and also honor with the Nazi state. Jannings is frightened by that prospect and he tells Gerron about it.

Payoff 3: Gerron inquires of his Rabbi about the permissibility of cooperation with the Nazis in film making in order to survive. Gerron says, the Rabbi says it is permissible as long as no lives are taken.

Payoff 4: Jannings notes to his Case Officer that Gerron did do a propaganda film but it didn’t save him from being sent to Auschwitz. Would Gerron need to be denazified had he survived?

Payoff 5: The Case Officer challenges Jannings: I can see doing films with the Nazis for he sake of your self-preservation, but why did you campaign for the Nazis in the 1938 Reichstag Elections? For that Jannings would have to be denazified and face ruin as an actor reminiscent of the ruination of the professor he portrayed in “The Blue Angel.”

Select a setup/payoff chair you want to make stronger.

In SP Chain 3, make the connection between the setup of Hirschfeld’s warning that cooperation with the Nazis might be necessary in order to survive and the Payoff of Gerron’s consultatioin with the Rabbi by having a scene related to that question that Gerron later reports the meeting with the Rabbi in a meeting with Jannings and Albers.

2. How can you make the setup more interesting or effective?

Hirschfeld first speaks of human rights in matters of sexuality before he changes his tone to a contrasting denunciation of the Nazi specifics (anti-semitism; homophobia) that will destroy the the freedoms that have been achieved.

3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline and if it hasnn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve.

In SP CHAIN 3 especially, this exercise has brought me to look at contrasts that accentuate the increasingly important question of how to survive the Nazis. An extra scene of Gerron with his Rabbi is necessary to separate the discussion from Jannings’ rivalry to Dietrich to Jannings and the question of what to do to survive the Nazis.

4. Post your current outline with the improved setup/payoff.

OUTLINE:

Setups are underlined the payoffs are italicized.

1. OPENING: Berlin, July, 1945. Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!” He is coming to headquarters in order to find asylum.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: His US CASE OFFICER INTERVIEWS Jannings and wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film. First, when the US Officer tells Jannings he must be de-nazified. Jannings protests he was never a Nazi and he made those propaganda films because if he refused he and his family would have been killed, and his mother, who lived in Berlin, was Russian born of Jewish origin. Then he tells the story of the making of “The Blue Angel.”

3 BY PAGE TEN: Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings. Jannings wanted an established actress to play the part, plus, Jannings believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict. After the shooting of a few scenes, Jannings complains to von Sternberg that Dietrich’s legs are getting too much exposure and upstaging him. Von Sternberg protests that he has to make Dietrich as alluring as possible who would Jannings’ professor be so seduced by her. In the rivalry between Jannings and Marlene Dietrich. The subplot is that he is angry at the upstaging he feels from Dietrich but is angered that he can’t get the creative partnership with director von Sternberg because of his attention to Dietrich.

The SP CHAIN 2 has been followed:

Set up: Josef von Sternberg, defying both Emil Jannings, star of “The Blue Angel,” and

the studio brass, ignores their desire to get an established actress for the part of Lola Lola and he

casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich).

Payoff 1: Immediately, Jannings feels threatened that he will be nudged from

stardom by Dietrich. By von Sternberg’s exclusive focus on Dietrich to the neglect of himself as the star and the other members of the cast..

Payoff 2: Jannings confronts von Sternberg and gets a lecture from him about how he (Jannings) as the star could lend more support to Dietrich, the novice.

Payoff 3: After Jannings’ anger grows, he over acts a scene in which his character is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s character and he really strangles her.

Payoff 4: Von Sternberg coaches both Dietrich and Jannings to get over their rivalry and partner to finish a great work of cinematic art. They do and turn in stellar performances.

PLOT EVENT: Jannings grows jealous of Dietrich and complains “We have Sergei Eisenstein and Charlie! We have those directors visiting the set. The only director we don’t have on the set of ‘The Blue Angel’ is the director of ‘The Blue Angel.’ Except when he is filming.” Jannings complains to fellow cast member Kurt Gerron. Gerron who reassures Jannings, “Don’t kill yourself with worry. When he shows up, just act as he directs until he says, “Cut, print!”

4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE:To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola.” First they stop by the Boxing Studio where Dietrich works out. She knocks out friend and fellow actress Carola Neher but invites her with von Sternberg, Jannings, and fellow cast member, the veteran actor Kurt Gerron to the gay cabaret Club Silhouette. They sit at the table with sexologist Magnus Hirscheld is seated. He advocates gay rights and more freedom in matters of sexuality. Dietrich buys drinks for the house in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola and forgives all those who said she can’t act. Carola good-naturedly says, “Just because you got the part doesn’t mean you can act!” to which Jannings add, “Only her legs can act!” Dietrich is insulted – not by Carola but Jannings. The party is stopped by Nazi Brown Shirts who hurl rocks through the windows of the gay cabaret where they are having drinks. Jannings is shaken by his first experience of Nazi brutality. Hirschfeld says, If they take over, Jews and homosexuals are finished. And I am both.” He speaks of how he could never survive the Nazis and his headed for Palestine, he might stay. But he knows he can’t stay in Germany can any of you. Gerron says he couldn’t because he is also Jewish. Von Sternberg says he doesn’t intend to stay. He’s an American. Jannings, shaken, asks if it could be possible for the Artistic community to survive. Hirschfeld says, “Only by collaboration somehow with the Nazis. And they will not take no for an answer.” (This sets up Jannings’ crisis of conscience and his justification for his actions later regarding collaboration.) This is the Setup for SP CHAIN 3

PLOT POINT In regard to von Sternberg’s relationship with Dietrich, von Sternberg’s wife (Riza Royce) confronts him and says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He answers, “I’d sooner share a phone booth with a cobra.”

PLOT POINT: Jannings complains to von Sternberg who asks him for patience as Dietrich is a novice and needs mentoring and that Jannings as the star should support his leading lady. He is only left further frustrated.

5, MID POINT: Usually a man of subdued emotions if not sulking, the conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character, he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her. Note: This is a payoff to the setup of von Sternberg casting Dietrich (above). SP CHAIN 2 Setup.

Payoff: Von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..

6, SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings face the fact that his emotions are killing his star-power and ne resolves to work with Dietrich and dismiss his feelings of being upstaged. Both he and Dietrich turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying. Thus, the rivalry ends This is q payoff to the SP CHAIN 2 setup.

7. CRISIS: After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks for advice on his future from studio chief Alfred Hugenberg whom Jannings does not know is a Nazi-sympathizer. Hugenberg tells Jannings that he should work in Nazi cinema where he will have the stardom he craves and will become a favorite of the state, he is already admired by Josef Goebbels. This frightens Jannings and he goes to his friends and fellow cast members, Kurt Gerron and Hans Albers.

Crisis part 2: Jannings tells Alber and Gerron what Hugenberg said. Albers says he doesn’t know how but he would never work directly for the Nazis. Gerron said he would, and in a flashback he recounts his consultation with his Rabbi who said that Jewish law permits it, as long as you do not cause the death of another you can collaborate in order to preserve your own life and those of your loved ones. Jannings is somewhat relieved but still troubled. Gerron says, I’m going to France if those Nazis take over. Come with me, Emil.” (This further sets up the Climax and Jannings tragic end as well explains his continued troubled conscience even when he feels morally justified for the sake of saving his own life and the lives of his family.

This follows CP CHAIN 3:

SP CHAIN 3:

Setup: The Nazi Brown Shirts vandalize the gay cabaret Club Silhouette, where Dietrich, von Sternberg, Jannings, Gerron and Albers) are sharing drinks with each other and with sexologist Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld “the Einstein of Sex.”

Payoff 1: Hirschfeld predicts a reign of terror when the Nazis take over, prompting a conversation among them all about what to do to survive under Nazism.

Payoff 2: The prospect of cooperating with Nazis for the sake of survival is raised by Jannings (whose mother is Russian-born of Jewish origin) with Gerron (a Jew) and Albers (who is in love with a Jewish woman).

Payoff 3: Studio Chief and Nazi-sympathizer Hugensberg counsels Jannings to consider making films for the Nazis when asked. That way he can have his stardom, a future career, and also honor with the Nazi state. Jannings is frightened by that prospect and he tells Gerron about it.

Payoff 3: Gerron inquires of his Rabbi about the permissibility of cooperation with the Nazis in film making in order to survive. Gerron says, the Rabbi says it is permissible as long as no lives are taken.

8. CLIMAX: Jannings’ US Case Officer who asked the dramatic question about how he could have allowed himself to be used by the Nazis, recounts to his US Case Officer – a montage of the scenes of what is described is included here, that Gerron fled to France, then to Netherlands where the Nazis arrested him and his family and interred them at Westerbork, then in Thereisenstadt, where Gerron did make a Nazi propaganda film which extoled Hitler for making the Jews a city of their own, i.e., Thereisenstadt, which was a ghetto-concentration camp. His cooperation with the Nazis didn’t help him, he and his family were deported to Auschwitz. (This completes CP CHAIN 3.)

CLOSING SCENE: The case officer, however, cites that Jannings must be de-nazified because he also campaigned for the Nazi Party in 1938. Jannings protests, “How can you denazify me when I never was a Nazi? My actions were to protect myself and my family from Nazi terror. Jannings reminds the Officer, “Kurt Gerron did make a propaganda film for the Nazis. They still sent Gerron and his family to Auschwitz. But if he had survived would you dare to de-nazify him, a Jewish victim of the Nazis, because he did a propaganda film for the Nazis?” The Officer answers: “No, but you campaigned for the Nazis for seats in the Reichstag in the election of 1938, so you must be de-nazified” which effectively ends his stardom and acting career for good and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.” This completes Setup Chain 2 and the film which is the overall Setup based on the questions of the Case Officer in the Inciting Incident.

9. RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was removed years later.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made six more acclaimed motion pictures. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.

These are the fates of the principal players in “The Blue Angel.”

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Realized I didn't answer what I learned

[Robert Smith]

BOB SMITH PASS #6 SUBPLOTS WITH MEANING

What I have learned doing this assignment is…?

The importance and fun it can be to discover subplots and deepen them by the process presented with this assignment.

ASSIGNMENT

1. Identify the subplots that have naturlally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning middle and end of each.

I discovered that I actually have a two pronged story that was begun in the inciting incident with the US OFFICER asking Emil Jannings about the making of “The Blue Angel.” However, he also asks how did he, an actor – a man of his stature allow himself to be used in Nazi Propaganda films. Both stories are interrelated, and grows out of inteeractions between the director and principal actors in the film

In the making of “The Blue Angel,” Von Sternberg’s directorial grooming of Dietrich for stardom, leads to their a romantic relationship.

2. In the rivalry between Jannings and Marlene Dietrich. The subplot is that he is angry at the upstaging he feels from Dietrich but is angered that he can’t get the creative partnership with director von Sternberg because of his attention to Dietrich.

really strangles her in a scene that calls for his character to do so. The rivalry ends when director, von Sternberg calls on them to put aside their rivalry and be partners in art and finish the film.

The answer the officer’s second question of Jannings appearing in Nazi propaganda films, begins on the night Dietrich takes von Sternberg, Jannings, and fellow cast members (Kurt Gerron and Hans Alber) to a gay cabaret, the Club Silhouette which on that night is vandalized by Nazi Brown Shirts. At their table is German Sexologist, Magnus Hirschfeld who speaks of how these Nazis will take over and it will be bad for Jews and homosexuals.” This begins a discussion of what to do if the Nazis take over. The choices are die, collaborate, or immigrate. Gerron, Albers, and Jannings are all effected. Gerron is a Jew, Albers mistress (Hansi Burg) is Jewish, and Jannings mother (living in Berlin) is Russian-born and of Jewish origin.

3. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”

1. In regard to von Sternberg’s relationship with Dietrich, von Sternberg’s wife (Riza Royce) confronts him and says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He answers, “I’d sooner share a phone booth with a cobra.”

2. Jannings really strangles Dietrich in a scene that calls for his character to do so. The rivalry ends when director, von Sternberg calls on them to put aside their rivalry and be partners in art and they finish the film excellently in both their final scenes.

3. Jannings discusses his future in German films with studio chief Alfred Hugenberg, who it turns out is a Nazi sympathizer. He advises Jannings to stay in Germany and involve himself with Nazi films. “You will have the stardom you crave, and have state recognition. I know that one of your fans is Herr Josef Goebbels.” But this frightens Jannings as he is afraid that this is the only option if he stays and he must yield to it (against his conscience) for his survival and for the protection of his family – he fears a Nazi discovery of the Jewish origin of his mother.

At the Wrap Party, after speaking with Hugenberg, Jannings joins cast members Kurt Gerron (plays the magician in the film) and Hans Alber (plays Mazeppa who tries to seduce Lola Lola). Jannings explains what Hugenberg said and that he didn’t realize he was a Nazi, at first. They discuss the dilemma, flee Germany or stay and risk life . Alber says he will remain in Germany but walk the tightrope to preserve his life and not give solace to the Nazis. Gerron says he will flee to France but tells Jannings he consulted his Rabbi who says that to act in a Nazi film is permitted because the purpose is to save your life and the life of others. Jannings, on that basis decides he will make films for the Nazis.

2. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.

Beat 1: Jannings is fearful of the Nazi Brown Shirts starting with their attack on the Silhouette Club, prompting Magnus Hirschfeld, seated next to him at the table say how dangerous the Nazis will be not only to Jews and homosexuals but also the arts community, including motion pictures of which Josef Goebbels is such a fan. This will no longer be an enlightened Germany but a hell-hole of a dictatorship.” “Then what should we do?” Jannings asks. Hirschfeld says, “Leave Germany or collaborate but what is the price of your soul?”

Beat 2: First, Jannings speaks with Gerron who explains that he would move to France. (“If you are not going to Hollywood, Emil, come to Paris with me.”)

Beat 3 occurs after Jannings frightful talk with Hugenberg about inevitable Nazi rule and how he would do well to involve himself in Nazi films. Jannings asks Gerron for advice, Gerron said tha he has discussed that matter with his Rabbi and said that cooperation with the Nazis in a propaganda film is permitted if it is to save lives, your own and your loved ones.

Beat 4: Jannings recounts to his US Case Officer – a montage of the scenes described is included here, that Gerron fled to France, then to Netherlands where the Nazis arrested him and his family and interred them at Westerbork, then in Thereisenstadt, where Gerron did make a Nazi propaganda film which extoled Hitler for making the Jews a city of their own, i.e., Thereisenstadt, which was a ghetto-concentration camp. His cooperation with the Nazis didn’t help him, he and his family were deported to Auschwitz.

4. Add the improvements to your outline.

Additions are in RED and underlined.

1. OPENING: Berlin, July, 1945. Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

2. INCITING INCIDENT: His US CASE OFFICER INTERVIEWS Jannings and wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film. First, when the US Officer tells Jannings he must be de-nazified. Jannings protests he was never a Nazi and he made those propaganda films because if he refused he and his family would have been killed, and his mother, who lived in Berlin, was Russian born of Jewish origin. Then he tells the story of the making of “The Blue Angel.”

3 BY PAGE TEN: Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings. Jannings wanted an established actress to play the part, plus, Jannings believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict. After the shooting of a few scenes, Jannings complains to von Sternberg that Dietrich’s legs are getting too much exposure and upstaging him. Von Sternberg protests that he has to make Dietrich as alluring as possible who would Jannings’ professor be so seduced by her. In the rivalry between Jannings and Marlene Dietrich. The subplot is that he is angry at the upstaging he feels from Dietrich but is angered that he can’t get the creative partnership with director von Sternberg because of his attention to Dietrich.

PLOT EVENT: Jannings grows jealous of Dietrich and complains “We have Sergei Eisenstein and Charlie! We have those directors visiting the set. The only director we don’t have on the set of ‘The Blue Angel’ is the director of ‘The Blue Angel.’ Except when he is filming.” Jannings complains to fellow cast member Kurt Gerron. Gerron who reassures Jannings, “Don’t kill yourself with worry. When he shows up, just act as he directs until he says, “Cut, print!”

4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE:To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola.” First they stop by the Boxing Studio where Dietrich works out. She knocks out friend and fellow actress Carola Neher but invites her with von Sternberg, Jannings, and fellow cast member, the veteran actor Kurt Gerron to the gay cabaret Club Silhouette. They sit at the table with sexologist Magnus Hirscheld is seated. He advocates gay rights and more freedom in matters of sexuality. Dietrich buys drinks for the house in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola and forgives all those who said she can’t act. Carola good-naturedly says, “Just because you got the part doesn’t mean you can act!” to which Jannings add, “Only her legs can act!” Dietrich is insulted – not by Carola but Jannings. The party is stopped by Nazi Brown Shirts who hurl rocks through the windows of the gay cabaret where they are having drinks. Jannings is shaken by his first experience of Nazi brutality. Hirschfeld says, If they take over, Jews and homosexuals are finished. And I am both.” He speaks of how he could never survive the Nazis and his headed for Palestine, he might stay. But he knows he can’t stay in Germany can any of you. Gerron says he couldn’t because he is also Jewish. Von Sternberg says he doesn’t intend to stay. He’s an American. Jannings, shaken, asks if it could be possible for the Artistic community to survive. Hirschfeld says, “Only by collaboration somehow with the Nazis. And they will not take no for an answer.” (This sets up Jannings’ crisis of conscience and his justification for his actions later regarding collaboration.)

PLOT POINT In regard to von Sternberg’s relationship with Dietrich, von Sternberg’s wife (Riza Royce) confronts him and says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He answers, “I’d sooner share a phone booth with a cobra.”

PLOT POINT: Jannings complains to von Sternberg who asks him for patience as Dietrich is a novice and needs mentoring and that Jannings as the star should support his leading lady. He is only left further frustrated.

5, MID POINT: Usually a man of subdued emotions if not sulking, the conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character, he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..

6, SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings faces the fact that his emotions are killing his star-power and resolves to work with Dietrich and dismiss his feelings of being upstaged. Both he and Dietrich turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying. Thus, the rivalry ends

7. CRISIS: After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks for advice on his future from studio chief Alfred Hugenberg whom Jannings does not know is a Nazi-sympathizer. Hugenberg tells Jannings that he should work in Nazi cinema where he will have the stardom he craves and will become a favorite of the state, he is already admired by Josef Goebbels. This frightens Jannings and he goes to his friends and fellow cast members, Kurt Gerron and Hans Alber

Crisis part 2: Jannings tells Alber and Gerron what Hugenberg said. Albers says he doesn’t know how but he would never work directly for the Nazis. Gerron said he would, he had even consulted his Rabbi who said that Jewish law permits it, as long as you do not cause the death of another you can collaborate in order to preserve your own life and those of your loved ones. Jannings is somewhat relieved but still troubled. Gerron says, I’m going to France if those Nazis take over. Come with me, Emil.” (This further sets up the Climax and Jannings tragic end as well explains his continued troubled conscience even when he feels morally justified for the sake of saving his own life and the lives of his family.

8. CLIMAX: Jannings’ US Case Officer who asked the dramatic question about how he could have allowed himself to be used by the Nazis, recounts to his US Case Officer – a montage of the scenes of what is described is included here, that Gerron fled to France, then to Netherlands where the Nazis arrested him and his family and interred them at Westerbork, then in Thereisenstadt, where Gerron did make a Nazi propaganda film which extoled Hitler for making the Jews a city of their own, i.e., Thereisenstadt, which was a ghetto-concentration camp. His cooperation with the Nazis didn’t help him, he and his family were deported to Auschwitz.

CLOSING SCENE: The case officer, however, cites that Jannings must be de-nazified because he also campaigned for the Nazi Party in 1938. Jannings protests, “How can you denazify me when I never was a Nazi? My actions were to protect myself and my family from Nazi terror. Jannings reminds the Officerhim, “Kurt Gerron did make a propaganda film for the Nazis. They still sent Gerron and his family to Auschwitz. But if he had survived would you dare to de-nazify him, a Jewish victim of the Nazis, because he did a propaganda film for the Nazis?” The Officer answers: “No, but you campaigned for the Nazis for seats in the Reichstag in the election of 1938, so you must be de-nazified” which effectively ends his stardom and acting career for good and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.”

9. RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was removed years later.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made six more acclaimed motion pictures. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.

These are the fates of the principal players in “The Blue Angel.”

[Robert Smith]

BOB’S PASS # 9 ACTION / REACTION

What I have learned doing this assignment is…?

Further building of a story through examination of action / reaction.

LIST

CONCEPT: WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’” (Based on a true story.)

LOGLINE: The making of the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” (1930) has an impact on the principal actors, Emil Jannings and [then unknown] Marlene Dietrich and the director (Josef von Sternberg) that leads to success for von Sternberg, stardom for Dietrich, but ironically, the fall of Emil Jannings in a manner that parallels his role as the professor in the film, whose infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin.

PROTAGONIST GOAL: As this is a story of a dramatic triangle. The principal character Emil Jannings is in a conflict with Director Josef von Sternberg, and fellow actor Marlene Dietrich and they are antagonists to him by his POV. His goal is to maintain his star-status in “The Blue Angel” and in a career after the film.

PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC: Jannings remains in Germany believing he has no future in Hollywood (he has learned the hard way through screen-tests that his German accent doesn’t work in Hollywood “talkies.” and receives counsel from a studio executive that he should consider continuing his career in films for the Third Reich when asked he does, to save his life and that of his family. However, this sets him up for denazification after the war and the end of both stardom and an acting career.

MAIN CONFLICT: Between Jannings and Dietrich with von Sternberg trying to mediate as director in this feud between his discovery and lover Dietrich and his star, Jannings but at the end of the war, with the U. S OFFICER’s judgement that he must be subjected to de-nazification he protests, saying, “How can you de-nazify me when I never was a Nazi?”.

2. CREATE THE ACTION/REACTION EVENTS CHART FOR YOUR STORY AND LIST IT:

There are shifting actions and reactions because sometimes in this dramatic triangle, characters interchange protagonist and antagonist roles. Also action is spurred on by a protagonist’ supporter, Hirschfeld and Gerron. See below and outline.

ACTION:

US OFFICER tells him he must be de-nazified.

REACTION:

Jannings protests he never was a Nazi.

US OFFICER wants to hear about “The Blue Angel” Jannings tells the story of the film’s story of the making of it.

ACTION:

Von Sternberg casts Marlene Dietrich as Lola Lola

REACTION:

Jannings protests & so does Studio brass.

ACTION:

Von Sternberg devotes all his attention to Dietrich

REACTION:

Jannings grows jealous of Dietrich and complains “We have Sergei Eisenstein and Charlie! We have those directors visiting the set. The only director we don’t have on the set of ‘The Blue Angel’ is the director of ‘The Blue Angel.’ Except when he is filming.”

ACTION

Jannings complains to fellow cast member Kurt Gerron.

REACTION

Gerron reassures him.

ACTION

Jannings complains to von Sternberg who asks him

for patience as Dietrich is a novice and needs mentoring including support from Jannings, the star, for his leading lady..

ACTION

Jannings overacts and strangles Dietrich in a scene.

REACTION

Von Sternberg pleads for truce and partnership

ACTION

Jannings and Dietrich agree. AND turn in stellar performance

JANNINGS CONFLICTED CONSCIENCE

Jannings asks studio chief for career advice. Chief says make films for Nazis. They would want you to star because you are a star.

Jannings questions his conscience and speaks with fellow actors, Hans Alber and Kurt Gerron. Gerron, quoting Jewish ethics says it is permissible to cooperate in order to save lives, including ones own.

ACTION

US OFFICER brings his campaigning for the Nazis in ’38. Jannings reacts defensively

US OFFICER condemns Jannings to denazification.

REACTION

Jannings maintains he never was a Nazi even though he campaigned for the Nazis in the election of 1938. If he had refused he would have been killed.

2. LIST OF EMOTIONAL MOMENTS that protagonist must face:

The US Officer tells Jannings he must be de-nazified. Jannings protests he was never a Nazi he made those propaganda films because if he refused he and his family would have been killed.

Jannings has subdued emotions.

When his anger erupts at Dietrich. Strangles her.

His fear and crisis of conscience when told of Nazi peril invading film industry to whose wishes he may have to submit or die.

His condemnation to de-nazification and his protest in anger. He never was a Nazi and he did all that he did to save his life and that of his family. What would you have done?

REVISED OUTLINE: With combination of emotional moments and action / reaction

Additions to the outline from this assignment are in bold.

1. OPENING: Berlin, July, 1945. Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

2. INCITING INCIDENT: A US OFFICER INTERVIEWS Jannings and wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film. First, when the US Officer tells Jannings he must be de-nazified. Jannings protests he was never a Nazi and he made those propaganda films because if he refused he and his family would have been killed. Then he tells the story of the making of “The Blue Angel.”

3 BY PAGE TEN: Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings. Jannings wanted an established actress to play the part, plus, Jannings believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict. After the shooting of a few scenes, Jannings complains to von Sternberg that Dietrich’s legs are getting too much exposure and upstaging him. Von Sternberg protests that he has to make Dietrich as alluring as possible who would Jannings’ professor be so seduced by her.

PLOT EVENT: Jannings grows jealous of Dietrich and complains “We have Sergei Eisenstein and Charlie! We have those directors visiting the set. The only director we don’t have on the set of ‘The Blue Angel’ is the director of ‘The Blue Angel.’ Except when he is filming.” Jannings complains to fellow cast member Kurt Gerron. Gerron who reassures Jannings, “Don’t kill yourself with worry. When he shows up, just act as he directs until he says, “Cut, print!”

4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE:To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola.” First they stop by the Boxing Studio where Dietrich works out. She knocks out friend and fellow actress Carola Neher but invites her with von Sternberg, Jannings, and fellow cast member, the veteran actor Kurt Gerron to the gay cabaret Club Silhouette. They sit at the table with sexologist Magnus Hirscheld is seated. He advocates gay rights and more freedom in matters of sexuality. Dietrich buys drinks for the house in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola and forgives all those who said she can’t act. Carola good-naturedly says, “Just because you got the part doesn’t mean you can act!” to which Jannings add, “Only her legs can act!” Dietrich is insulted – not by Carola but Jannings. The party is stopped by Nazi Brown Shirts who hurl rocks through the windows of a gay cabaret where they are having drinks. Jannings is shaken by his first experience of Nazi brutality. Hirschfeld says, If they take over, Jews and homosexuals are finished. And I am both.” He speaks of how he could never survive the Nazis and his headed for Palestine, he might stay. But he knows he can’t stay in Germany can any of you. Gerron says he couldn’t because he is also Jewish. Von Sternberg says he doesn’t intend to stay. He’s an American. Jannings, shaken, asks if it could be possible for the Artistic community to survive. Hirschfeld says, “Only by collaboration somehow with the Nazis. And they will not take no for an answer.” (This sets up Jannings’ crisis of conscience and his justification for his actions later regarding collaboration.)

PLOT POINT: Jannings complains to von Sternberg who asks himb for patience as Dietrich is a novice and needs mentoring and that Jannings as the star should support his leading lady. He is only left further frustrated.

5, MID POINT: Usually a man of subdued emotions if not sulking, the conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character, he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..

6, SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings faces the fact that his emotions are killing his star-power and resolves to work with Dietrich and dismiss his feelings of being upstaged. Both he and Dietrich turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.

7, CRISIS: After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks a studio chief (and Nazi-supporter) Alfred Hugenberg for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema. And he is suitable because he is already a star admired by Josef Goebbels. For the first time Jannings is now scared of what his star-power is drawing him to do. Jannings tells fellow actors, Hans Albers and Kurt Gerron what Hugenberg said. Albers says he doesn’t know how but he would never work directly for the Nazis. Gerron said he would, knowing the Nazi horizon that likely lies ahead, he had even consulted his Rabbi who said that Jewish law permits it, as long as you do not cause the death of another you can collaborate in order to preserve your own life and those of your loved ones. Jannings is somewhat relieved but still troubled. Gerron says, I’m going to France if those Nazis take over. Come with me, Emil.” (This further sets up the Climaxs and Jannings tragic end as well explains his continued troubled conscience even when he feels morally justified for the sake of saving his own life and the lives of his family.

8. CLIMAX: The US Officer who asked the dramatic question informs Jannings that no matter the excuses, he must be de-nazified because he also campaigned for the Nazi Party in 1938. Jannings reminds the Officerhim, “Kurt Gerron did make a propaganda film for the Nazis. It was a lying film that extoled Hitler for building a city for the Jews, Thereisinstadt, which was actually a ghetto-like concentration camp. They still sent Gerron and his family to Auschwitz. But if he had survived would you dare to de-nazify him because he did a propaganda film for the Nazis?” The Officer answers: “No, but you campaigned for the Nazis for seats in the Reichstag in the election of 1938, so you must be de-nazified” which effectively ends his stardom and acting career for good and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.”

9. RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was removed years later.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made six more acclaimed motion pictures. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.

[Robert Smith]

BOB’S NQ 3 AND 4

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

A valuable step in building a screenplay to be real and consistent with theme.

All changes in my concept or outline that arise from my ‘discoveries’ in this module are in bold black.

1. Tell us your concept.

THE CONCEPT

WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’” (Based on a true story.)

LOGLINE: The making of the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” (1930) has an impact on the principal actors, Emil Jannings and [then unknown] Marlene Dietrich and the director (Josef von Sternberg) that leads to success for von Sternberg, stardom for Dietrich, but ironically, began a fall for Emil Jannings in a manner that parallels his role as the professor in the film, whose infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin.

2. Tell us your emotional dilemma and the answers to these questions.

The Emotional Dilemma:

For Jannings: To swallow his jealousy and animus, at the director’s request in order to be artners in art with Dietrich to complete the film.

Later, with apparently no film career in Hollywood, does Jannings work with the Nazi propagandist film industry just to survive as a star in motion pictures.

A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?

This is the inciting incident. When he is admitted to US Army headquarters in Berlin, 1945: The CO asks, How could an actor – a man of Jannings’ stature allow himself to be exploited in Nazi propaganda films. Jannings says his own life and that of his family would have been in jeopardy if I had refused to serve the Nazis.

B. How are both sides of the issue built up?

His hostility toward Dietrich and asserting that he is the star is said out of desperation to hold on to his star-status not only in “The Blue Angel” but in his career which he feels is in jeopardy.

The brutality of the Nazis which sways Jannings fear of the Nazis is demonstrated when marching Brown Shirts in the street hurl rocks through the windows of the gay Club Silhouette where he is dining with Magnus Hirschfeld, von Sternberg, Dietrich and Carola Neher.

Hirschfeld and Jannings have a dialogue about how to live under Nazi tyranny and survive it or escape the Nazis. Hirschfeld says he is leaving for Palestine (Then under the British Mandate) and he may stay there. Janning indicates, “I have to stay in Germany, I have no career in America because of my accent which doesn’t work in “’talkies.’” Hirschfeld: “I fear the day is coming where the issue is not career survival, but survial itself.”

C. How are both sides of the issue built up?

Von Sternberg appeals to Jannings to be a partner in art with Dietrich to make the movie work. He does and both he and his alleged rival turn in excellent performances.

A long-standing friend, Jewish actor, Kurt Girron, speaks with Jannings about survival in Germany. Says he would have to leave or he and his whole family would be persecuted if the Nazis take over. Perhaps you should too, Emil, even though you are not Jewish.” “Where would you go,” Jannings asks. Kurt answers: I don’t want to go to America but stay in Europe. I’d go to France or Netherlands. Come with me, Emil.”

D. When does the Protagonist make the choice.

After Studio Chief Alfred Hugensberg warns him that the Nazis will take over inevitably, he believes, and already you are admired by Herr Goebbels. You could be a star, Emil.”

E. What do they lose in making that choice.

He gains his life and survival but loses his reputation and ultimately his career when the Nazis are over-thrown in 1945, as he must go through de-nazification.

3. Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions.

The uses and limits of survival-thinking. “What would a man give in return for his life?”

A. What are both sides of your theme?

The price of sacrifice and the gains for survival.

The U.S. Officer asks Jannings, “Fellow cast member Hans Albert continued his career but never associated himself or his work with the Nazis. Why didn’t you do that, Emil?” Jannings: “Because the Nazis asked me, and if I had refused, God knows what might have happened to me and my family. Look, remember Kurt Gerron? Even he, a Jew, did a propaganda film for the Nazis and the Nazis still sent him and his family to Auschwitz. If he had not gone to Auschwitz but survived, would you judge him for having made a propaganda film for the Nazis?”

B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?

Career survival underlies all the “acting out” of Jannings on the set of “The Blue Angel” against and about Dietrich. The survival of Nazi tyranny is part of the dialogue with Hirschfeld and Gerron. All of these are placed in the script in places where there is a continuum of the questions.

C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?

To survive tyranny by cooperating with it, will mean you are compromised but the alternative is death to yourself and those you love.

4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you ‘ve discovered during this process. List out your ooutline ass you did in Day 7, with slug lines and the essence for each scene.

THE OUTLINE

Here’s the outline: 9 Beat format. Added Insights and plot events from NQ 3 AND 4 are added below in bold.

1. OPENING:

Title Card: Berlin, July, 1945.

EXT. SQUARE IN FRONT OF US ARMY HEADQUARTERS -DAY

Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters

JANNINGS

Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!

2. INCITING INCIDENT:

INT. US ARMY HEADQUARTERS’ OFFICE – DAY

A US OFFICER (a film buff) INTERVIEWS Jannings and wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film and that he did the propaganda films so he and his family would survive the Nazis.

3 BY PAGE TEN:

INT. STUDIO OFFICES – DAY

Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings – who immediately believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict. Jannings is trying to preserve his star-status and survive the fact that he can’t get work in Hollywood because his German accent excludes him from “talkies.”

INT. SOUND STAGE – SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

Jannings’ hostility toward Dietrich and asserting that he is the star is said out of desperation to hold on to his star-status not only in “The Blue Angel” but in his career which he feels is in jeopardy. He gets no satisfaction from von Sternberg who, Jannings believes, spends more time with Dietrich and none at all with him even though they have been partners in many previous Oscar-worthy films.

Von Sternberg asks Jannings to understand. He is the established star. Dietrich is a novice and needs his attention.

Jannings speaks with fellow actor, Kurt Gerron, who plays the magician in TBA, who tries to reassure Jannings that he need not worry about his star-status. “And if von Sternberg doesn’t spend time with his other actors, don’t worry, just keep doing what he tells you until he says, ‘Cut! Print!’”

3. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE:

INT. THE CLUB SILHOUETTE – NIGHT

To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola” where their party is stopped by Nazis who hurl rocks through the windows of a gay cabaret where they are having drinks.

Hirschfeld and Jannings have a conversation about how to live under what appears to be inevitable Nazi tyranny and survive it or escape the Nazis. Hirschfeld says he is leaving for Palestine (Then under the British Mandate) and he may stay there. Janning indicates, “I have to stay in Germany, I have no career in America because of my accent which doesn’t work in “’talkies.’” Hirschfeld: “I fear the day is coming where the issue is not career survival, but survial itself.”

5, MID POINT:

INT. SOUND STAGE – THE SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY

The conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character that he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..

6, SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.

7, CRISIS:

INT. STUDIO OFFICE OF ALFRED HUGENBERG – DAY

After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks a studio chief (and Nazi-supporter) for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema.

After Studio Chief Alfred Hugensberg warns him that the Nazis will take over inevitably, he believes, and already you are admired by Herr Goebbels. You could be a star, Emil in the new Germany.”

8. CLIMAX:

INT. US ARMY HEADQUARTERS’ OFFICE – DAY

The US Officer who asked he dramatic question informs Jannings that he must be de-nazified which effectively ends his acting career and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.” Jannings protests: “Why should I be de-nazified. I was never a Nazi!” The U.S. Officer asks Jannings, “Fellow cast member Hans Albert continued his career but never associated himself or his work with the Nazis. Why didn’t you do that, Emil?” Jannings: “Because the Nazis asked me, and if I had refused, God knows what might have happened to me and my family. Look, remember Kurt Gerron? Even he, a Jew, did a propaganda film for the Nazis and the Nazis still sent him and his family to Auschwitz. If he had not gone to Auschwitz but survived, would you judge him for having made a propaganda film for the Nazis?”

9. RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures through the 1930’s. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

BOBS DAY 9 3^RD PASS – NQ 1 AND 2.

What I have learned doing this assignment is…?

A way of discovery of scene ideas that express the Dramatic Question and the Main Conflict throughout the story.

1. Tell us your concept:

THE CONCEPT

WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’” (Based on a true story.)

LOGLINE: The making of the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” (1930) has an impact on the principal actors, Emil Jannings and [then unknown] Marlene Dietrich and the director (Josef von Sternberg) that leads to success for von Sternberg, stardom for Dietrich, but ironically, the fall of Emil Jannings in a manner that parallels his role as the professor in the film, whose infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin.

PLOT CHOICE: (Tragic) #12 Transformation.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE: Dramatic Triangle.

The dramatic triangle is between the director (Josef von Sternberg) and Marlene Dietrich with Emil Jannings who believes Dietrich upstages him as the star of the film and has alienated von Sternberg from working with him.

LEAD CHARACTERS:

MARLENE DIETRICH is the ‘unknown” whom Josef von Sternberg is grooming for stardom.

JOSEF VON STERNBERG is the director of ‘The Blue Angel” who grooms Dietrich for stardom which grows into an affair that threatens his marriage and complicates his working relationship to his star, Emil Jannings

EMIL JANNINGS is an acclaimed Oscar-winning actor who is the star of “The Blue Angel” who feels dethroned by Dietrich and abandobned by von Sternberg who devotes himself almost full time to mentoring Dietrich to the negect of his working relationship with with him (Jannings).

THE NECESSARY QUESTIONS:

The Dramatic Question: How could an actor – a man of Jannings’ stature have allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazis in propaganda films?

The Main Conflict: Between Jannings and Dietrich with von Sternberg trying to mediate as director in this feud between his discovery and lover Dietrich and his star, Jannings.

The Emotional Dilemma:

For Jannings: To swallow his jealousy and animus, at the director’s request in order to be partners in art with Dietrich to complete the film. Later, with apparently no film career in Hollywood, does Jannings work with the Nazi propagandist film industry just to have a motion picture career?

For Dietrich: To disregard her contempt for Jannings, at the director’s request and be partners in art with him for the completion of the film.

For von Sternberg: To be not only a lover and mentor for Dietrich but to be a director who mediates between feuding actors.

The Theme: What does a man gain if gains the whole world but loses his own soul?

ARC OF LEAD CHARACTERS.

In spite of the feud, Dietrich, Jannings, and von Sternberg finish a magnificent film.

Dietrich and von Sternberg return to America.

Jannings remains in Germany believing he has no future in Hollywood (he has learned the hard way through screen-tests that his German accent doesn’t work in Hollywood “talkies.” and receives counsel from a studio executive that he should consider continuing his career in films for the Third Reich.

Here’s the outline: 9 Beat format

1. OPENING: Berlin, July, 1945. Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

2. INCITING INCIDENT: A US OFFICER INTERVIEWS Jannings wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film

3 BY PAGE TEN: Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings – who immediately believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE:To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola” where their party is stopped by Nazis who hurl rocks through the windows of a gay cabaret where they are having drinks.

5, MID POINT: The conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character that he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..

6, SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.

7, CRISIS: After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks a studio chief (and Nazi-supporter) for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema. .

8. CLIMAX: The US Of.ficer who asked he dramatic question informs Jannings that he must be de-nazified which effectively ends his acting career and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.”

9. RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was removed years later.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures through the 1930’s. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.

2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:

The Dramatic Question: How could an actor – a man of Jannings’ stature have allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazis in propaganda film

A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?

After Jannings surrenders to the Allies. The examing officer asks: “How did an actor – a man of your statureallow himself to be exploted for Nazi propaganda films?”

Jannngs then tells the story which is the making of “The Blue Angels,” i.e., the story of how he got to the point of consenting and why.

B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity.

By page 10, Jannings is out on the town at a gay Cabaret with Dietrich and von Sternberg celebrating Celebrating her being cast as Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel” when Nazi Brown Shirts marching in the street throw rocks through the club’’s windows. A political discussion follows with Jannings indicating he opposes Nazism. But he realizes that Nazi supporters are growing. And may create great problems in a society that heretofore was regarded as enlightened.

C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?

Where it started, with Jannings being interviewed by the US Army Officer who asked the question. And Jannngs confesses that he went against his own conscience. Also, at the US Army Headquarters from Jannings himself, “I just tried to survive in a dictatorship that would kill any who were suspected of opposition to the Nazis.”

3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions.

The Main Conflict is between Marlene Dietrich and Emil Jannings.

A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?

By page 10.

B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?

Jannings like the studio brass wanted a name actress to play Lola Lola and so opposed von Sternberg’s choice of Marlene Dietrich.

At the party at the Club Silhouette, Marlene invites Jannings out on the town he never thanks her. When she buys champagne for all in the Club she alludes to how some of them said, “She can’t act.” But she say, “But I got the part.” Carola Neher, an actress friend, chides, “That still doesn’t mean you can act.” Jannings says to Carola, “That’s the best line you ever said. Marlene lets showing off her legs do the talking.” Marlene is hurt by these unnecessary insults by Jannings.

When he confronts von Sternberg about his excessive time spent mentoring Dietrich, von Sternberg explains he must spend time with her because she is a novice to motion picture acting but has the pontential to be a great star. “But I am the star of this movie.” Jannings retorts, “and I need time with you just as we have on all our other projects.”

Jannings shares his concerns with cast member Curt Gerron, who says, when he says “cut, print” assume the director likes what you did. If he wants another take, do what he wants so he can get to “cut, print.” Meanwhile, I use the time away from the director to improve my English.”

C. What brings the Conflict to a boiling point?

Jannings is frustrated with von Sternberg’s grooming Dietrich for stardom, he believes he is being demoted from being star of “The Blue Angel.” He is so angered that in a scene in which his professord is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s Lola Lola, he overacts and actually strangles her.

D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?

It isn’t resolved. Von Sternberg directs both Dietrich and Jannings to call a truce and finish the film as partners in art. This they do in the stellar performances of Dietrich singing her signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings very moving scene of the professor dying.

4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process. List oout your outline as you did on Day 7.

Additions from this exercise are in bold.

1. OPENING: Berlin, July, 1945. Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

2. INCITING INCIDENT: A US OFFICER INTERVIEWS Jannings wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of the making of “The Blue Angel” because that is where “it all began.”

3. BY PAGE TEN: Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings – who immediately believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE: To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola.” She first takes them to Sabri Mahir’s Boxing Studio where she is getting in shape with intensive boxing exercise. She also shows off by pretending to knock out her actress friend Carola Neher, but really does knock her out. Next she takes Carola, von Sternberg, and Janning to the Club Silhouette, a gay cabaret popular with show people and sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld (known as the “Einstein of Sex”). Marlene’s party joins Hirschfeld who shares his views on gay rights and more sexual freedom. Dietrich sits on von Sternberg’s lap and leans over to plant a kiss right on the mouth of Carola Neher, This scene was later recreated in Dietrich’s film, “Morocco.” Although Marlene had invited Jannings he only sulks because he hates to be in Dietrich’s presence. Dietrich grandly announces that she is buying champagne for everyone in the club in celebration that she got the part of Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel.” When she buys champagne for all in the Club she alludes to how some of them had once said, “’She can’t act’ but all is forgiven now that I snagged the starring role in “The Blue Angel” directed by Mr. von Sternberg here.” Carola Neher, in a kidding mood, after the knockout then the kiss, chides Dietrich and shouts, “You got the part but that still doesn’t mean you can act.” Jannings says to Carola, “That’s the best line you ever said in your career. Marlene shows off her legs. She lets her legs do the acting.” Marlene is hurt by the unnecessary insults by Jannings. Jannings reminds von Sternberg, “Jo, don’t forget, I am the star.” The festivities are stopped by Nazis Brown Shirts who march in the street outside singing, the “Horst Wessel.” They then hurl rocks through the windows of the Club Silhouette. Hirschfeld says, “Those Nazis are gaining more members all the time and just might rule Germany. If it comes to pass, Jews and the homosexuals are through – and I am both.” Jannings is troubled he realizes that Nazi supporters are growing. And may create great problems in a society that heretofore was regarded as enlightened. Hirschfeld asks him, “Will you return to Hollywood?” Jannings explains that he can’t find work in “talkies” because of his German accent, I can’t live and be an actor anywhere but here.”

PLOT EVENT: On the set of “The Blue Angel” – When Jannings confronts von Sternberg about his excessive time spent mentoring Dietrich, von Sternberg explains he must spend time with her because she is a novice to motion picture acting but has the potential to be a great star. “But I am the star of this movie.” Jannings retorts, “and I need time with you just as we have on all our other projects.” Von Sternberg reminds Jannings of his leadership role as the star, he should give Dietrich support. Jannings is incensed.

PLOT EVENT: On the set of “The Blue Angel” -Jannings shares his concerns with cast member Curt Gerron, who says, when he says “cut, print” assume the director likes what you did. If he wants another take, do what he wants so he can get to “cut, print.” Meanwhile, I use the time away from the director to improve my English.”

5. MID POINT: The conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character that he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film. Dietrich voices her contempt for Jannings as an “ham.”

6.

7. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and although their conflict is not resolved, Dietrich and Jannings call a truce and enact stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.

8. CRISIS: After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks a studio chief (and Nazi-supporter) for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema. .

9. 8. CLIMAX: The US Of.ficer who asked the dramatic question informs Jannings that he must be de-nazified which effectively ends his acting career and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.” Jannings is remorseful but made propaganda films because it seemed like the only way he could survive.

Closing Titles:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was removed years later.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures through the 1930’s. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Wehrmacht.

[Robert Smith]

SLW #2 AFTER FEEDBACK. REVISED LOGLINE.

Bob Smith – Request Feedback exchange. Many Thanks.

CURRENT S.GTORY LOGIC WEB AS OF 10/1/21 CONCEPT for feedback:

THE CONCEPT

WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’” (Based on a true story.)

LOGLINE: The making of the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” (1930) has an impact on the principal actors, Emil Jannings and [then unknown] Marlene Dietrich and the director (Josef von Sternberg) that leads to success for von Sternberg, stardom for Dietrich, but ironically, the fall of Emil Jannings in a manner that parallels his role as the professor in the film, whose infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin.

PLOT CHOICE: (Tragic) #12 Transformation.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE: Dramatic Triangle.

The dramatic triangle is between the director (Josef von Sternberg) and Marlene Dietrich with Emil Jannings who believes Dietrich upstages him as the star of the film and has alienated von Sternberg from working with him.

LEAD CHARACTERS:

MARLENE DIETRICH is the ‘unknown” whom Josef von Sternberg is grooming for stardom.

JOSEF VON STERNBERG is the director of ‘The Blue Angel” who grooms Dietrich for stardom which grows into an affair that threatens his marriage and complicates his working relationship to his star, Emil Jannings

EMIL JANNINGS is an acclaimed Oscar-winning actor who is the star of “The Blue Angel” who feels dethroned by Dietrich and abandobned by von Sternberg who devotes himself almost full time to mentoring Dietrich to the negect of his working relationship with with him (Jannings).

THE NECESSARY QUESTIONS:

The Dramatic Question: How could an actor – a man of Jannings’ stature have allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazis in propaganda films?

The Main Conflict: Between Jannings and Dietrich with von Sternberg trying to mediate as director in this feud between his discovery and lover Dietrich and his star, Jannings.

The Emotional Dilemma:

For Jannings: To swallow his jealousy and animus, at the director’s request in order to be partners in art with Dietrich to complete the film. Later, with apparently no film career

in Hollywood, does Jannings work with the Nazi propagandist film industry just to have a motion picture career?

For Dietrich: To disregard her contempt for Jannings, at the director’s request and be partners in art with him for the completion of the film.

For von Sternberg: To be not only a lover and mentor for Dietrich but to be a director who mediates between feuding actors.

The Theme: What does a man gain if gains the whole world but loses his own soul?

ARC OF LEAD CHARACTERS.

In spite of the feud, Dietrich, Jannings, and von Sternberg finish a magnificent film.

Dietrich and von Sternberg return to America.

Jannings remains in Germany believing he has no future in Hollywood (his German accent doesn’t work in Hollywood “talkies.” and receives counsel from a studio executive that he should consider continuing his career in films for the Third Reich.

Here’s the outline: 9 Beat format

1. OPENING: Berlin, July, 1945. Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

2. INCITING INCIDENT: A US OFFICER INTERVIEWS Jannings wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film

3 BY PAGE TEN: Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings – who immediately believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE:To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola” where their party is stopped by Nazis who hurl rocks through the windows of a gay cabaret where they are having drinks.

5, MID POINT: The conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character that he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..

6, SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.

7, CRISIS: After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks a studio chief (and Nazi-supporter) for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema. .

8. CLIMAX: The US Of.ficer who asked he dramatic question informs Jannings that he must be de-nazified which effectively ends his acting career and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.”

9. RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was removed years later.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures through the 1930’s. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Wehrmacht.

[Robert Smith]

CURRENT STORY LOGIC WEB AS OF 10/1/21 FOR FEEDBACK:

THE CONCEPT

WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

LOGLINE: The circumstances of making the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” (1930) have an impact on the principal actors (Emil Jannings and [then unknown] Marlene Dietrich and the director (Josef von Sternberg) that parallel the story of the film in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showgirl lead to his ruin.

PLOT CHOICE: (Tragic) #12 Transformation.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE: Dramatic Triangle.

The dramatic triangle is between the director (Josef von Sternberg) and Marlene Dietrich with Emil Jannings who believes Dietrich upstages him as the star of the film and has alienated von Sternberg from working with him.

LEAD CHARACTERS:

MARLENE DIETRICH is the ‘unknown” whom Josef von Sternberg is grooming for stardom.

JOSEF VON STERNBERG is the director of ‘The Blue Angel” who grooms Dietrich for stardom which grows into an affair that threatens his marriage and complicates his working relationship to his star, Emil Jannings

EMIL JANNINGS is an acclaimed Oscar-winning actor who is the star of “The Blue Angel” who feels dethroned by Dietrich and abandobned by von Sternberg who devotes himself almost full time to mentoring Dietrich to the negect of his working relationship with with him (Jannings).

THE NECESSARY QUESTIONS:

The Dramatic Question: How could an actor – a man of Jannings’ stature have allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazis in propaganda films?

The Main Conflict: Between Jannings and Dietrich with von Sternberg trying to mediate as director in this feud between his discovery and lover Dietrich and his star, Jannings.

The Emotional Dilemma:

For Jannings: To swallow his jealousy and animus, at the director’s request in order to be partners in art with Dietrich to complete the film. Later, with apparently no film career

in Hollywood, does Jannings work with the Nazi propagandist film industry just to have a motion picture career?

For Dietrich: To disregard her contempt for Jannings, at the director’s request and be partners in art with him for the completion of the film.

For von Sternberg: To be not only a lover and mentor for Dietrich but to be a director who mediates between feuding actors.

The Theme: What does a man gain if gains the whole world but loses his own soul?

ARC OF LEAD CHARACTERS.

In spite of the feud, Dietrich, Jannings, and von Sternberg finish a magnificent film.

Dietrich and von Sternberg return to America.

Jannings remains in Germany believing he has no future in Hollywood (his German accent doesn’t work in Hollywood “talkies.” and receives counsel from a studio executive that he should consider continuing his career in films for the Third Reich.

Here’s the outline: 9 Beat format

1. OPENING: Berlin, July, 1945. Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

2. INCITING INCIDENT: A US OFFICER INTERVIEWS Jannings wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film

3 BY PAGE TEN: Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings – who immediately believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE:To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola” where their party is stopped by Nazis who hurl rocks through the windows of a gay cabaret where they are having drinks.

5, MID POINT: The conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character that he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..

6, SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.

7, CRISIS: After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks a studio chief (and Nazi-supporter) for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema. .

8. CLIMAX: The US Of.ficer who asked he dramatic question informs Jannings that he must be de-nazified which effectively ends his acting career and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.”

9. RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was removed years later.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures through the 1930’s. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Wehrmacht.

THE FOLLOWING IS EARLIER MATERIAL

VERSION ONE FROM DAY 6

WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

LOGLINE: Amid the decadence of Weimar Berlin, a prominent film director (Josef von Sternberg) coaches his unknown discovery (Marlene Dietrich) and grooms her for stardom. This grows into an affair that parallels the erotic thriller they are filming, “The Blue Angel” in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin but life further imitates art as a rivalry develops between the star of the film, Oscar winning actor Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich all within a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Jannings, all of which has far reaching impact.

STRUCTURE (I am including all the instances of rivalry and the dramatic triangle and character arc in bold.)

1. OPENING: July 1945, Post-war Berlin: Out of the rubble the figure of a man emerges brandishing an Oscar statuette, he shouts at the US Troop installation before him, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I have won an Oscar!” US troops take him into custody and discover that he is the German actor, Emil Jannings, first Best Actor Oscar winner for ‘The Last Command” (1929)’ and famous also for his performance in “The Blue Angel” (1930) although some of the soldiers say they don’t remember him, but they remember Marlene Dietrich as the star. Jannings grumbles, “I was the star! What you remember is Miss Dietrich’s legs!” They ask what happened to him since then, he indicates that he was “Artist of the State” under the Nazis. The US Commander tells him that he will have to undergo denazification which effectively ends his acting career and asks what led him to perform for the Nazis. So Jannings recounts his unfortunate choices which go back to what happened during the filming of the erotic thriller, “The Blue Angel” in 1930.

“’Moths Around a Flame..’” is about a rivalry between Dietrich and Jannings with a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Jannings.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: Marlene Dietrich, an unknown, auditions for the part of the Cabaret show girl, Lola Lola. Josef von Sternberg, the Director, screens her audition for the studio executives and Emil Jannings, and says he will cast her in the role of the Cabaret showgirl Lola Lola, who is the love interest of Professor Rath (played by Jannings) whose infatuation with her leads to his ruination. Von Sternberg’s choice is met with opposition from everyone involved in the production who were hoping for an established actress in the part. But von Sternberg insists that he will work with no other actress but Dietrich, a chorus girl. He says she is a novice and he will coach her for the part and the stardom he believes can be hers. Jannings views Dietrich as a rival and reminds von Sternberg: “But remember, I am the star of this film.”

3. BY PAGE 10: Von Sternberg is spending an inordinate amount of time with Dietrich in coaching her for the role and grooming her for stardom. He tells Dietrich to lose weight. She invites him and Jannings on a night out to see “the Berlin of Lola Lola” starting wth the Sabri Mahir Boxing Studio, where she keeps in shape and will get into the better shape von Sternberg desires with intensive boxing exercises under Mahir, her trainer. She introduces von Sternberg and Jannings to Mahir and also her friend, actress Carola Neher, also a boxer, and now a cast member of Berthold Brecht’s “Three Penny Opera.” She invites Carola to a boxing match and knocks her out with her lethal right hook which impresses von Sternberg and Jannings. She invites Jannings to join Mahir’s studio as a way to augment his commendable loss of 100 lbs and staying in shape and then invites Carola to join her, Jannings, and von Sternberg for a visit to “the Berlin of Lola Lola” where they can meet the “Einstein of Sex” Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, a sexologist. All this is Dietrich’s way to deepen her relationship with von Sternberg and mend her relationship with Janning, if not play one-up on him.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT IN ACT ONE: At the Club Silhouette, Carola, Marlene, von Sternberg, and Jannings meet Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld who advocates for gay rights and greater freedom in matters of sex. While Dietrich sits on von Sternberg’s lap, in a moment to be reenacted in The film “Morocco,” Marlene Dietrich reaches over and kisses Carola Neher on the lips which makes Dietrich the more attractive to von Sternberg and repulsive to Jannings (“Lola Lola would never do that” Dietrich: “Don’t be so sure.”). Marlene orders champagne for everybody in the club in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel.” However, the celebration is cut short. A group of Nazis marching in the street hurl rocks through the windows of the Club Silhouette. Hirshfeld remarks, “If those Nazis take over, it will be all over for homosexuals and for Jews. And I am both!” Von Sternberg says, “They will take over the movie business, too. Well, there is work in Hollywood, (to Marlene, he says) “After ‘Blue Angel,’ that’s where I am taking you.”

5. MIDPOINT/ PLOT EVENT: Jannings castigates von Sternberg that he does not even lunch with him but has lunch in Dietrich’s dressing room.

6. MIDPOINT: Von Sternberg’s wife (Riva Royce) confronts him about his relationship with Marlene Dietrich. She says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He replies, “I’d sooner share a telephone booth with a cobra.”

7. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Emil Jannings and novelist,

Heinrich Mann watch some dailies. Mann complains that the whole story of his novel

(Professor Unrat) on which “The Blue Angel is based, is subverted by Miss Dietrich’s

legs. Emil Jannings agrees and they go to complain directly to von Sternberg,

Jannings particularly harboring the grievance that he is upstaged by Dietrich

while he is the star. And that all his (von Sternberg’s direction is honed in on

Dietrich while he feels that their collaborative spirit that they had in earlier films

has eroded. Von Sternberg explains that he (Jannings) is the mature actor and

Dietrich needs the attention and she could use his support.

8. CRISIS: In one scene, Jannings’ character is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s character. Jannings over acts it and actually strangles Dietrich, bruising her. She says to von Sternberg, “I played along for the sake of the scene but I could have decked him with my right hook. Next time he tries it, that’s what I’ll do!” She spews her thoughts that she has kept to herself throughout the film, e.g., that Jannings is a sullen egotistical fool and an over-acting ham who in your (von Sternberg’s) absence has vetoed your direction and directed the cast to do the opposite of what you instructed them.

CHARACTER ARCS: Von Sternberg says to both Dietrich and Jannings, “’The Blue Angel is about to wrap. He need actors who see each other as partners to make a work of art and now put on the finishing touches.” They put aside their rivalry and finish excellent closing scenes in the climax.

9.

10. CLIMAX: The final scenes are filmed: Marlene singing her signature song, “Falling in Love Again,” which includes title line: “Men cluster to me like Moths around a flame. And if their wings are burned, I know I’m not to blame.”

Jannings then enacts the tragic end of the Professor, as he dies clinging to his desk in his old class room.

11. Uncertain of his future, Jannings pays a visit to Alfred Hugenberg, the studio chief, and states his anxiety about his future. Jannings is convinced that he has no future in Hollywood because, he has found out the hard way that his German accent is not working for “talkies.” Hugenberg is a supporter of the Nazis and says to Jannings that he has a future in Germany when the Nazis take over. He tells him that he knows Goebbels is an admirer.

12. JANNINGS CHARACTER ARC: Life imitates art as Jannings becomes a favorite of the Nazis, only to find himself, as in the opening scene, condemned to de-nazification, in effect, ending his acting career and ruined, much like the professor he played fifteen years earlier, in “The Blue Angel.’

PLOT EVENT: Jannings is visited by old colleague, Hans Alber, who played Mazeppa in “The Blue Angel.” He also stayed in Germany in the film industry, dodging every time the Nazis tried to use him for propaganda. He required no de-nazification and laments with Jannings that he (Jannings) chose wrongly and could have done the same thing. Or even leave for Hollywood with Peter Lorre and Conrad Veidt, and others who escaped from the Nazis.

13. Closing Title Cards:

Josef von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich went to Hollywood and for the next decade created many acclaimed motion pictures. She opposed Hitler, became an American citizen and entertained the troops even as they fought the German army.

Emil Jannings after 1945 underwent denazification. He would never act again and died in 1950 at age 65.

CHARACTER ARC OF MARLENE DIETRICH:

Part to be changed: Her feelings of inferiority before von Sternberg and Jannings.

Biggest Fear: She’ll be overlooked for the talent she has.

Completion of arc: After months of rivalry with Jannings, she puts her resentments aside and delivers a stunning performance which leads to the international stardom she sought.

CHARACTER ARC FOR EMIL JANNINGS:

Parts to be changed: His jealousy of Dietrich.

Biggest Fear: For his future and his retention of stardom that won him an Oscar.

Completion of Arc: He chooses to put aside his feud with Dietrich and delivers a stellar performance, but choices to remain in Germany and becomes an instrument of Nazi propaganda.

CHARACTER ARC FOR JOSEF VON STERNBERG:

Part to be changed: His pressure of being a director, while having a relationship with his leading actress and playing referee in the Dietrich-Jannings conflict.

Biggest Fear: Losing control and delivering a movie disaster.

Completion of Arc: Tells his actors to put aside their difference and be partners, completes the film, and takes Marlene Dietrich to Hollywood and international stardom.

<br clear=”all”>

VERSION TWO FROM DAY 8.[PS80] STORY LOGIC WEB

WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

LOGLINE: Amid the decadence of Weimar Berlin, a prominent film director (Josef von Sternberg) coaches his unknown discovery (Marlene Dietrich) and grooms her for stardom. This grows into an affair that parallels the erotic thriller they are filming, “The Blue Angel” in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin but life further imitates art as a rivalry develops between the star of the film, Oscar winning actor Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich all within a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Janning, all of which has far reaching impact.

PLOT: RIVALRY.

LEAD CHARACTERS:

JOSEF VON STERNBERG, film director.

EMIL JANNINGS, Oscar-winning actor.

MARLENE DIETRICH, actress, von Sternberg’s discovery, he is her mentor to stardom.

STRUCTURE (I am including all the instances of rivalry and the dramatic triangle and character arc in bold.)

1. OPENING: July 1945, Post-war Berlin: Out of the rubble the figure of a man emerges brandishing an Oscar statuette, he shouts at the US Troop installation before him, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I have won an Oscar!” US troops take him into custody and discover that he is the German actor, Emil Jannings, first Best Actor Oscar winner for ‘The Last Command” (1929)’ and famous also for his performance in “The Blue Angel” (1930) although some of the soldiers say they don’t remember him, but they remember Marlene Dietrich as the star. Jannings grumbles, “I was the star! What you remember is Miss Dietrich’s legs!” They ask what happened to him since then, he indicates that he was “Artist of the State” under the Nazis. The US Commander tells him that he will have to undergo denazification which effectively ends his acting career and asks what led him to perform for the Nazis. So Jannings recounts his unfortunate choices which go back to what happened during the filming of the erotic thriller, “The Blue Angel” in 1930.

“’Moths Around a Flame..’” is about a rivalry between Dietrich and Jannings with a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Jannings.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: Marlene Dietrich, an unknown, auditions for the part of the Cabaret show girl, Lola Lola. Josef von Sternberg, the Director, screens her audition for the studio executives and Emil Jannings, and says he will cast her in the role of the Cabaret showgirl Lola Lola, who is the love interest of Professor Rath (played by Jannings) whose infatuation with her leads to his ruination. Von Sternberg’s choice is met with opposition from everyone involved in the production who were hoping for an established actress in the part. But von Sternberg insists that he will work with no other actress but Dietrich, a chorus girl. He says she is a novice and he will coach her for the part and the stardom he believes can be hers. Jannings views Dietrich as a rival and reminds von Sternberg: “But remember, I am the star of this film.”

3. BY PAGE 10: Von Sternberg is spending an inordinate amount of time with Dietrich in coaching her for the role and grooming her for stardom. He tells Dietrich to lose weight. She invites him and Jannings on a night out to see “the Berlin of Lola Lola” starting wth the Sabri Mahir Boxing Studio, where she keeps in shape and will get into the better shape von Sternberg desires with intensive boxing exercises under Mahir, her trainer. She introduces von Sternberg and Jannings to Mahir and also her friend, actress Carola Neher, also a boxer, and now a cast member of Berthold Brecht’s “Three Penny Opera.” She invites Carola to a boxing match and knocks her out with her lethal right hook which impresses von Sternberg and Jannings. She invites Jannings to join Mahir’s studio as a way to augment his commendable loss of 100 lbs and staying in shape and then invites Carola to join her, Jannings, and von Sternberg for a visit to “the Berlin of Lola Lola” where they can meet the “Einstein of Sex” Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, a sexologist. All this is Dietrich’s way to deepen her relationship with von Sternberg and mend her relationship with Janning, if not play one-up on him.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT IN ACT ONE: At the Club Silhouette, Carola, Marlene von Sternberg, and Jannings meet Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld who advocates for gay rights and greater freedom in matters of sex. While Dietrich sits on von Sternberg’s lap, in a moment to be reenacted in The film “Morocco,” Marlene Dietrich reaches over and kisses Carola Neher on the lips which makes Dietrich the more attractive to von Sternberg and repulsive to Jannings (“Lola Lola would never do that” Dietrich: “Don’t be so sure.”). Marlene orders champagne for everybody in the club in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel.” However, the celebration is cut short. A group of Nazis marching in the street hurl rocks through the windows of the Club Silhouette. Hirshfeld remarks, “If those Nazis take over, it will be all over for homosexuals and for Jews. And I am both!” Von Sternberg says, “They will take over the movie business, too. Well, there is work in Hollywood, (to Marlene, he says) “After ‘Blue Angel,’ that’s where I am taking you.”

5. MIDPOINT/ PLOT EVENT: Jannings castigates von Sternberg that he does not even lunch with him but has lunch in Dietrich’s dressing room.

6. MIDPOINT: Von Sternberg’s wife (Riva Royce) confronts him about his relationship with Marlene Dietrich. She says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He replies, “I’d sooner share a telephone booth with a cobra.”

7. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Emil Jannings and novelist,

Heinrich Mann watch some dailies. Mann complains that the whole story of his novel

(Professor Unrat) on which “The Blue Angel is based, is subverted by Miss Dietrich’s

legs. Emil Jannings agrees and they go to complain directly to von Sternberg,

Jannings particularly harboring the grievance that he is upstaged by Dietrich

while he is the star. And that all his (von Sternberg’s direction is honed in on

Dietrich while he feels that their collaborative spirit that they had in earlier films

has eroded. Von Sternberg explains that he (Jannings) is the mature actor and

Dietrich needs the attention and she could use his support.

8. CRISIS: In one scene, Jannings’ character is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s character. Jannings over acts it and actually strangles Dietrich, bruising her. She says to von Sternberg, “I played along for the sake of the scene but I could have decked him with my right hook. Next time he tries it, that’s what I’ll do!” She spews her thoughts that she has kept to herself throughout the filming, e.g., that Jannings is a sullen egotistical fool and an over-acting ham who in your (von Sternberg’s) absence has vetoed your direction and directed the cast to do the opposite of what you instructed them.

CHARACTER ARCS: Von Sternberg says to both Dietrich and Jannings, “’The Blue Angel is about to wrap. He need actors who see each other as partners to make a work of art and now put on the finishing touches.” They put aside their rivalry and finish excellent closing scenes in the climax.

9. CLIMAX: The final scenes are filmed: Marlene singing her signature song, “Falling in Love Again,” which includes title line: “Men cluster to me like Moths around a flame. And if their wings are burned, I know I’m not to blame.”

Jannings then enacts the tragic end of the Professor, as he dies clinging to his desk in his old class room.

10. Uncertain of his future, Jannings pays a visit to Alfred Hugenberg, the studio chief, and states his anxiety about his future. Jannings is convinced that he has no future in Hollywood because, he has found out the hard way that his German accent is not working for “talkies.” Hugenberg is a supporter of the Nazis and says to Jannings that he has a future in Germany when the Nazis take over. He tells him that he knows “Goebbels is an admirer of yours.” Jannings is encouraged to do just that.

11. JANNINGS CHARACTER ARC: Life imitates art as Jannings becomes a favorite of the Nazis, only to find himself, as in the opening scene, condemned to de-nazification, in effect, ending his acting career and ruined, much like the professor he played fifteen years earlier, in “The Blue Angel.’

PLOT EVENT: Jannings is visited by old colleague, Hans Alber, who played Mazeppa in “The Blue Angel.” He also stayed in Germany in the film industry, dodging every time the Nazis tried to us him for propaganda. He required no de-nazification and laments with Jannings that he (Jannings) chose wrongly and could have done the same thing. Or even leave for Hollywood with Peter Lorre and Conrad Veidt, and others who escaped from the Nazis.

12. Closing Title Cards:

Josef von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich went to Hollywood and for the next decade created many acclaimed motion pictures. She opposed Hitler, became an American citizen and entertained the troops even as they fought the German army.

Emil Jannings after 1945 underwent denazification. He would never act again and died in 1950 at age 65.

CHARACTER ARC OF MARLENE DIETRICH:

Part to be changed: Her feelings of inferiority before von Sternberg and Jannings.

Biggest Fear: She’ll be overlooked for the talent she has.

Completion of arc: After months of rivalry with Jannings, she puts her resentments aside and delivers a stunning performance which leads to the international stardom she sought.

CHARACTER ARC FOR EMIL JANNINGS:

Parts to be changed: His jealousy of Dietrich.

Biggest Fear: For his future and his retention of stardom that won him an Oscar.

Completion of Arc: He chooses to put aside his feud with Dietrich and delivers a stellar performance, but choices to remain in Germany and becomes an instrument of Nazi propaganda.

CHARACTER ARC FOR JOSEF VON STERNBERG:

Part to be changed: His pressure of being a director, while having a relationship with his leading actress and playing referee in the Dietrich-Jannings conflict.

Biggest Fear: Losing control and delivering a movie disaster.

Completion of Arc: Tells his actors to put aside their difference and be partners, completes the film, and takes Marlene Dietrich to Hollywood and international stardom.

EVALUATION

It needs more connectedness. Just a retelling of the making of “The Blue Angel” needs more and it is related to the character of Emil Jannings who undergoes a tragic transformation that in its own way parallels the tragic transformation of the character he plays in “The Blue Angel.”

STEP TWO: Isolate Components for improvement and brainstorm ways to elevate them. Below is my second outline with the brainstorm I had included.

PLOT: TRAGIC #12 TRANSFORMATION

STRUCTURE:

Needed a more organic reason to retell the story of the making of “The Blue Angel.”

1. THE OPENING: OPENING: July 1945, Post-war Berlin: Out of the rubble the figure of a man emerges brandishing an Oscar statuette, he shouts at the US Troop installation before him, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I have won an Oscar!” US troops take him into custody and discover that he is the German actor, Emil Jannings, first Best Actor Oscar winner for ‘The Last Command” (1929)’ and famous also for his performance in “The Blue Angel” (1930).

2. INCITING INCIDENT: Because Jannings became a tool of the Nazis as an actor in their propaganda film, he must mow be de-nazified, effectively, ending his acting career. This is the new inciting incident. The examining US Officer asks,

US OFFICER

How did a prominent actor – a man of your stature

become a tool of Nazi propaganda?

JANNINGS

It’s called gaining the whole world

But losing your own soul.

US OFFICER

Huh?

JANNINGS

It started with “The Blue Angel.”

Jannings then retells the story of the making of “The Blue Angel” which is the bulk of this screenplay.

The Dramatic Question is: How did Emil Jannings become a pariah – a tool of the Nazis?

The story continues with von Sternberg’s casting of Marlene Dietrich as the female lead, the showgirl Lola Lola. This is against everybody else’s wish, as everyone else wanted a name-actress. But von Sternberg insists over the protests of Janning and the studio brass.

The story proceeds with Janning confronting von Sternberg with reminders that his “discovery” is not a star but he himself is THE star of “The Blue Angel.”

The CLIMAX is no longer the two scenes of Dietrich and Jannings portraying their characters at the end of the film (although these scenes are re-created. THE CLIMAX is now Jannings’ meeting with studio chief Alfred Hugenberg who encourages Jannings to solve his career concerns by acting in films for the Nazis as he already has an admirer in Josef Goebbels. Jannings takes his advice. And that is how a man of Jannings’ stature became a stooge of the Nazis by which he gained the world and lost his soul, as well, as his acting career entirely.

PLOT STRUCTURE: In addition to these changes (now in the works), there are other sub-plots:

RIVALRY between Dietrich and Jannings all in the context of a DRAMATIC TRIANGLE between DIETRICH and JANNINGS and director, von STERNBERG. In fact, under these comes the fact that each character is both a protagonist and antagonist depending upon the configuration of the triangle relationsships. Over all, Jannings is the protagonist of this screenplay but he becomes a grotesque and tragic protagonist. His only saving virtue in the end is that he regrets the choices he made.

THE MAIN CONFLICT is both the RIVALRY OF DIETRICH AND JANNINGS but also JANNING and VON STERNBERG who disagree about STERNBERG’s attention to mentoring DIETRICH.

DRAMATIC QUESTION: Will JANNINGS, DIETRICH, and STERNBERG be able to work together and finish the film? But “How did a man of Jannings’ stature allow himself to become a tool of the Nazis?”

DILEMMA: Jannings’ decision should or should I not associate myself with the Nazis?

THEME: Gaining the world and losing your soul. I have to say this without the film getting ‘preachy.’

PASS #2 OF MY STORY LOGIC WEB

CONCEPT: Working title: “Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of “The Blue Angel”

New LOGLINE: Why did acclaimed, Oscar-winning German actor, Emil Jannings, after his stunning performance in “The Blue Angel,” choose to perform in Nazi propaganda films which led to his tragic end that mirrored the tragic end of his character in “The Blue Angel” and what role did “The Blue Angel” play in precipitating his choice?

LEAD CHARACTERS

Emil Jannings: Tragic Protagonist/Antagonist.

Josef von Sternberg: Protagonist.

Marlene Dietrich: Protagonist.

PLOT: Tragic Transformation.

CHARACTER ARC: Uncertain of the future of his career, Emil Jannings chooses to act in Nazi Propaganda films.

MAIN CONFLICT: Emil Jannings vs Marlene Dietrich while also undermining the direction of Josef von Sternberg for grooming her for a stardom that he feels upstages him in the erotic thriller they are filming, “The Blue Angel.”

DRAMATIC QUESTION: “How did a man of Jannings’ stature allow himself to become a tool of the Nazis?”

DILEMMA: Will Jannings advance his career by working with the Nazis?

THEME: Gaining the world and losing your soul.

DISCOVERIES AND IMPROVEMENTS

DISCOVERY: The climactic meeting of Jannings with Nazi-Supporting, Studio Chief Alfred Hugenberg seems anti-climactic. It could have been all Jannings needed to tell in order to answer the dramatic question, in which case why the whole story of the making of “The Blue Angel”? UNLESS it’s a remorseful confession of how rotten he was toward Marlene Dietrich and harassing he was of von Sternberg?

Raises the question: Why should we care about the story of a Nazi stooge, however remorseful he became?

IMPROVEMENT: It is a story of remorse but also admiration for Dietrich and Sternberg.

DISCOVERY: The character arc points to a tragic end, but Jannings is a boor throughout

the filming of “The Blue Angel.” What sympathy for him? There could be an upbeat ending to

this. It can only be a confession and contrition on the part of Jannings, much like the

acknowledgement of Salieri at the end of “Amadeus.” Only way I can go. The confession is to

his friend, actor Hans Alber who stayed in Germany but stayed free of Nazism.

AFTER:

CONCEPT: Working Title: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of “The Blue Angel”

Why did acclaimed, Oscar-winning German actor, Emil Jannings, after his stunning performance in “The Blue Angel,” choose to perform in Nazi propaganda films which led to his tragic end that mirrored the tragic end of his character in “The Blue Angel” and what role did his conflicts with Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg (director) play in precipitating his choice?

LEAD CHARACTERS:

Emil Jannings: Tragic Protagonist/Antagonist.

Josef von Sternberg: Protagonist.

Marlene Dietrich: Protagonist.

PLOT: Tragic Transformation.

MAIN BEATS

1. OPENING: Jannings is taken into custody and recognized as an Oscar-winning actor.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: US OFFICER asks, How did a prominent actor – a man of your stature become a tool of Nazi propaganda? Jannings’ answer is the telling of this film’s story.

3. BY PAGE 10: Jannings opposes von Sternberg’s (the director) casting of (then unknown) Marlene Dietrich, as Jannings and the studio brass wanted a name actress.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT IN ACT ONE: Dietrich gives a tour of the “Berlin of Lola Lola” the trollop she plays in the film. She shows von Sternberg and Jannings that she is a boxer, and will box to lose weight – as von Sternberg demands. Dietrich takes von Sternberg and Jannings to a gay cabaret (the Club Silhouette) which is then attacked by the Nazis.

5. MIDPOINT: von Sternberg’s wife (Riza Royce) asks him, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He replies, “I’d rather share a phone booth with a cobra.”

6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT TWO: Jannings angered at Dietrich and von Sternberg for upstaging him as the star, overacts a scene requiring Jannings to strangle Dietrich, he really does. Von Sternberg calls on them to reconcile and partner up for a big finish to the film, which they do with Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again.” And Jannings moving performance of the death of the professor in ruin.

7. CRISIS: Uncertain of his future, Jannings asks for help from Studio Chief (and Nazi supporter, Alfred Hugenberg who encourages Jannings to work for the Nazis when they take over. He decides to do so.

8. CLIMAX: Jannings is remorseful for his choice and liberated for having confessed his story which parallels the ruination of the professor he played in “The Blue Angel.”

9. RESOLUTION: Closing Title Cards:

Josef von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich went to Hollywood and for the next decade created many acclaimed motion pictures.

After 1945 Jannings underwent denazification. He would never act again and died in 1950 at age 65, an ending not unlike that of the Professor he portrayed in “The Blue Angel,” twenty years earlier.

CHARACTER ARC: Jannings accepts his guilt with remorse for having worked for the Nazis in propaganda films.

MAIN CONFLICT: Emil Jannings vs Marlene Dietrich while also undermining the direction of Josef von Sternberg for grooming her for a stardom that he feels upstages him as the star of “The Blue Angel.”

DRAMATIC QUESTION: How did a prominent actor – a man of stature become a tool of Nazi propaganda?

DILEMMA: Will Jannings advance his career by working with the Nazis?

THEME: Gaining the whole world and losing your soul.

[Robert Smith]

Bob Smith – Request Feedback exchange. Many Thanks.

CURRENT SGTORY LOGIC WEB AS OF 10/1/21 CONCEPT for feedback:

THE CONCEPT

WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’” (Based on a true story.)

LOGLINE: The circumstances of making the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” (1930) have an impact on the principal actors (Emil Jannings and [then unknown] Marlene Dietrich and the director (Josef von Sternberg) that parallel the story of the film in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showgirl lead to his ruin.

PLOT CHOICE: (Tragic) #12 Transformation.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE: Dramatic Triangle.

The dramatic triangle is between the director (Josef von Sternberg) and Marlene Dietrich with Emil Jannings who believes Dietrich upstages him as the star of the film and has alienated von Sternberg from working with him.

LEAD CHARACTERS:

MARLENE DIETRICH is the ‘unknown” whom Josef von Sternberg is grooming for stardom.

JOSEF VON STERNBERG is the director of ‘The Blue Angel” who grooms Dietrich for stardom which grows into an affair that threatens his marriage and complicates his working relationship to his star, Emil Jannings

EMIL JANNINGS is an acclaimed Oscar-winning actor who is the star of “The Blue Angel” who feels dethroned by Dietrich and abandobned by von Sternberg who devotes himself almost full time to mentoring Dietrich to the negect of his working relationship with with him (Jannings).

THE NECESSARY QUESTIONS:

The Dramatic Question: How could an actor – a man of Jannings’ stature have allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazis in propaganda films?

The Main Conflict: Between Jannings and Dietrich with von Sternberg trying to mediate as director in this feud between his discovery and lover Dietrich and his star, Jannings.

The Emotional Dilemma:

For Jannings: To swallow his jealousy and animus, at the director’s request in order to be partners in art with Dietrich to complete the film. Later, with apparently no film career

in Hollywood, does Jannings work with the Nazi propagandist film industry just to have a motion picture career?

For Dietrich: To disregard her contempt for Jannings, at the director’s request and be partners in art with him for the completion of the film.

For von Sternberg: To be not only a lover and mentor for Dietrich but to be a director who mediates between feuding actors.

The Theme: What does a man gain if gains the whole world but loses his own soul?

ARC OF LEAD CHARACTERS.

In spite of the feud, Dietrich, Jannings, and von Sternberg finish a magnificent film.

Dietrich and von Sternberg return to America.

Jannings remains in Germany believing he has no future in Hollywood (his German accent doesn’t work in Hollywood “talkies.” and receives counsel from a studio executive that he should consider continuing his career in films for the Third Reich.

Here’s the outline: 9 Beat format

1. OPENING: Berlin, July, 1945. Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”

2. INCITING INCIDENT: A US OFFICER INTERVIEWS Jannings wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film

3 BY PAGE TEN: Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings – who immediately believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE:To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola” where their party is stopped by Nazis who hurl rocks through the windows of a gay cabaret where they are having drinks.

5, MID POINT: The conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character that he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..

6, SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.

7, CRISIS: After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks a studio chief (and Nazi-supporter) for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema. .

8. CLIMAX: The US Of.ficer who asked he dramatic question informs Jannings that he must be de-nazified which effectively ends his acting career and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.”

9. RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:

Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was removed years later.

Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures through the 1930’s. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Wehrmacht.

VERSION ONE FROM DAY 6

VERSION ONE FROM DAY 6

WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

LOGLINE: Amid the decadence of Weimar Berlin, a prominent film director (Josef von Sternberg) coaches his unknown discovery (Marlene Dietrich) and grooms her for stardom. This grows into an affair that parallels the erotic thriller they are filming, “The Blue Angel” in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin but life further imitates art as a rivalry develops between the star of the film, Oscar winning actor Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich all within a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Jannings, all of which has far reaching impact.

STRUCTURE (I am including all the instances of rivalry and the dramatic triangle and character arc in bold.)

1. OPENING: July 1945, Post-war Berlin: Out of the rubble the figure of a man emerges brandishing an Oscar statuette, he shouts at the US Troop installation before him, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I have won an Oscar!” US troops take him into custody and discover that he is the German actor, Emil Jannings, first Best Actor Oscar winner for ‘The Last Command” (1929)’ and famous also for his performance in “The Blue Angel” (1930) although some of the soldiers say they don’t remember him, but they remember Marlene Dietrich as the star. Jannings grumbles, “I was the star! What you remember is Miss Dietrich’s legs!” They ask what happened to him since then, he indicates that he was “Artist of the State” under the Nazis. The US Commander tells him that he will have to undergo denazification which effectively ends his acting career and asks what led him to perform for the Nazis. So Jannings recounts his unfortunate choices which go back to what happened during the filming of the erotic thriller, “The Blue Angel” in 1930.

“’Moths Around a Flame..’” is about a rivalry between Dietrich and Jannings with a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Jannings.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: Marlene Dietrich, an unknown, auditions for the part of the Cabaret show girl, Lola Lola. Josef von Sternberg, the Director, screens her audition for the studio executives and Emil Jannings, and says he will cast her in the role of the Cabaret showgirl Lola Lola, who is the love interest of Professor Rath (played by Jannings) whose infatuation with her leads to his ruination. Von Sternberg’s choice is met with opposition from everyone involved in the production who were hoping for an established actress in the part. But von Sternberg insists that he will work with no other actress but Dietrich, a chorus girl. He says she is a novice and he will coach her for the part and the stardom he believes can be hers. Jannings views Dietrich as a rival and reminds von Sternberg: “But remember, I am the star of this film.”

3. BY PAGE 10: Von Sternberg is spending an inordinate amount of time with Dietrich in coaching her for the role and grooming her for stardom. He tells Dietrich to lose weight. She invites him and Jannings on a night out to see “the Berlin of Lola Lola” starting wth the Sabri Mahir Boxing Studio, where she keeps in shape and will get into the better shape von Sternberg desires with intensive boxing exercises under Mahir, her trainer. She introduces von Sternberg and Jannings to Mahir and also her friend, actress Carola Neher, also a boxer, and now a cast member of Berthold Brecht’s “Three Penny Opera.” She invites Carola to a boxing match and knocks her out with her lethal right hook which impresses von Sternberg and Jannings. She invites Jannings to join Mahir’s studio as a way to augment his commendable loss of 100 lbs and staying in shape and then invites Carola to join her, Jannings, and von Sternberg for a visit to “the Berlin of Lola Lola” where they can meet the “Einstein of Sex” Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, a sexologist. All this is Dietrich’s way to deepen her relationship with von Sternberg and mend her relationship with Janning, if not play one-up on him.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT IN ACT ONE: At the Club Silhouette, Carola, Marlene, von Sternberg, and Jannings meet Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld who advocates for gay rights and greater freedom in matters of sex. While Dietrich sits on von Sternberg’s lap, in a moment to be reenacted in The film “Morocco,” Marlene Dietrich reaches over and kisses Carola Neher on the lips which makes Dietrich the more attractive to von Sternberg and repulsive to Jannings (“Lola Lola would never do that” Dietrich: “Don’t be so sure.”). Marlene orders champagne for everybody in the club in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel.” However, the celebration is cut short. A group of Nazis marching in the street hurl rocks through the windows of the Club Silhouette. Hirshfeld remarks, “If those Nazis take over, it will be all over for homosexuals and for Jews. And I am both!” Von Sternberg says, “They will take over the movie business, too. Well, there is work in Hollywood, (to Marlene, he says) “After ‘Blue Angel,’ that’s where I am taking you.”

5. MIDPOINT/ PLOT EVENT: Jannings castigates von Sternberg that he does not even lunch with him but has lunch in Dietrich’s dressing room.

6. MIDPOINT: Von Sternberg’s wife (Riva Royce) confronts him about his relationship with Marlene Dietrich. She says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He replies, “I’d sooner share a telephone booth with a cobra.”

7. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Emil Jannings and novelist,

Heinrich Mann watch some dailies. Mann complains that the whole story of his novel

(Professor Unrat) on which “The Blue Angel is based, is subverted by Miss Dietrich’s

legs. Emil Jannings agrees and they go to complain directly to von Sternberg,

Jannings particularly harboring the grievance that he is upstaged by Dietrich

while he is the star. And that all his (von Sternberg’s direction is honed in on

Dietrich while he feels that their collaborative spirit that they had in earlier films

has eroded. Von Sternberg explains that he (Jannings) is the mature actor and

Dietrich needs the attention and she could use his support.

8. CRISIS: In one scene, Jannings’ character is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s character. Jannings over acts it and actually strangles Dietrich, bruising her. She says to von Sternberg, “I played along for the sake of the scene but I could have decked him with my right hook. Next time he tries it, that’s what I’ll do!” She spews her thoughts that she has kept to herself throughout the film, e.g., that Jannings is a sullen egotistical fool and an over-acting ham who in your (von Sternberg’s) absence has vetoed your direction and directed the cast to do the opposite of what you instructed them.

CHARACTER ARCS: Von Sternberg says to both Dietrich and Jannings, “’The Blue Angel is about to wrap. He need actors who see each other as partners to make a work of art and now put on the finishing touches.” They put aside their rivalry and finish excellent closing scenes in the climax.

9.

10. CLIMAX: The final scenes are filmed: Marlene singing her signature song, “Falling in Love Again,” which includes title line: “Men cluster to me like Moths around a flame. And if their wings are burned, I know I’m not to blame.”

Jannings then enacts the tragic end of the Professor, as he dies clinging to his desk in his old class room.

11. Uncertain of his future, Jannings pays a visit to Alfred Hugenberg, the studio chief, and states his anxiety about his future. Jannings is convinced that he has no future in Hollywood because, he has found out the hard way that his German accent is not working for “talkies.” Hugenberg is a supporter of the Nazis and says to Jannings that he has a future in Germany when the Nazis take over. He tells him that he knows Goebbels is an admirer.

12. JANNINGS CHARACTER ARC: Life imitates art as Jannings becomes a favorite of the Nazis, only to find himself, as in the opening scene, condemned to de-nazification, in effect, ending his acting career and ruined, much like the professor he played fifteen years earlier, in “The Blue Angel.’

PLOT EVENT: Jannings is visited by old colleague, Hans Alber, who played Mazeppa in “The Blue Angel.” He also stayed in Germany in the film industry, dodging every time the Nazis tried to use him for propaganda. He required no de-nazification and laments with Jannings that he (Jannings) chose wrongly and could have done the same thing. Or even leave for Hollywood with Peter Lorre and Conrad Veidt, and others who escaped from the Nazis.

13. Closing Title Cards:

Josef von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich went to Hollywood and for the next decade created many acclaimed motion pictures. She opposed Hitler, became an American citizen and entertained the troops even as they fought the German army.

Emil Jannings after 1945 underwent denazification. He would never act again and died in 1950 at age 65.

CHARACTER ARC OF MARLENE DIETRICH:

Part to be changed: Her feelings of inferiority before von Sternberg and Jannings.

Biggest Fear: She’ll be overlooked for the talent she has.

Completion of arc: After months of rivalry with Jannings, she puts her resentments aside and delivers a stunning performance which leads to the international stardom she sought.

CHARACTER ARC FOR EMIL JANNINGS:

Parts to be changed: His jealousy of Dietrich.

Biggest Fear: For his future and his retention of stardom that won him an Oscar.

Completion of Arc: He chooses to put aside his feud with Dietrich and delivers a stellar performance, but choices to remain in Germany and becomes an instrument of Nazi propaganda.

CHARACTER ARC FOR JOSEF VON STERNBERG:

Part to be changed: His pressure of being a director, while having a relationship with his leading actress and playing referee in the Dietrich-Jannings conflict.

Biggest Fear: Losing control and delivering a movie disaster.

Completion of Arc: Tells his actors to put aside their difference and be partners, completes the film, and takes Marlene Dietrich to Hollywood and international stardom.

<br clear=”all”>

VERSION TWO FROM DAY 8.[PS80] STORY LOGIC WEB

WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’” (Based on a true story.)

LOGLINE: Amid the decadence of Weimar Berlin, a prominent film director (Josef von Sternberg) coaches his unknown discovery (Marlene Dietrich) and grooms her for stardom. This grows into an affair that parallels the erotic thriller they are filming, “The Blue Angel” in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin but life further imitates art as a rivalry develops between the star of the film, Oscar winning actor Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich all within a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Janning, all of which has far reaching impact.

PLOT: RIVALRY.

LEAD CHARACTERS:

JOSEF VON STERNBERG, film director.

EMIL JANNINGS, Oscar-winning actor.

MARLENE DIETRICH, actress, von Sternberg’s discovery, he is her mentor to stardom.

STRUCTURE (I am including all the instances of rivalry and the dramatic triangle and character arc in bold.)

1. OPENING: July 1945, Post-war Berlin: Out of the rubble the figure of a man emerges brandishing an Oscar statuette, he shouts at the US Troop installation before him, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I have won an Oscar!” US troops take him into custody and discover that he is the German actor, Emil Jannings, first Best Actor Oscar winner for ‘The Last Command” (1929)’ and famous also for his performance in “The Blue Angel” (1930) although some of the soldiers say they don’t remember him, but they remember Marlene Dietrich as the star. Jannings grumbles, “I was the star! What you remember is Miss Dietrich’s legs!” They ask what happened to him since then, he indicates that he was “Artist of the State” under the Nazis. The US Commander tells him that he will have to undergo denazification which effectively ends his acting career and asks what led him to perform for the Nazis. So Jannings recounts his unfortunate choices which go back to what happened during the filming of the erotic thriller, “The Blue Angel” in 1930.

“’Moths Around a Flame..’” is about a rivalry between Dietrich and Jannings with a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Jannings.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: Marlene Dietrich, an unknown, auditions for the part of the Cabaret show girl, Lola Lola. Josef von Sternberg, the Director, screens her audition for the studio executives and Emil Jannings, and says he will cast her in the role of the Cabaret showgirl Lola Lola, who is the love interest of Professor Rath (played by Jannings) whose infatuation with her leads to his ruination. Von Sternberg’s choice is met with opposition from everyone involved in the production who were hoping for an established actress in the part. But von Sternberg insists that he will work with no other actress but Dietrich, a chorus girl. He says she is a novice and he will coach her for the part and the stardom he believes can be hers. Jannings views Dietrich as a rival and reminds von Sternberg: “But remember, I am the star of this film.”

3. BY PAGE 10: Von Sternberg is spending an inordinate amount of time with Dietrich in coaching her for the role and grooming her for stardom. He tells Dietrich to lose weight. She invites him and Jannings on a night out to see “the Berlin of Lola Lola” starting wth the Sabri Mahir Boxing Studio, where she keeps in shape and will get into the better shape von Sternberg desires with intensive boxing exercises under Mahir, her trainer. She introduces von Sternberg and Jannings to Mahir and also her friend, actress Carola Neher, also a boxer, and now a cast member of Berthold Brecht’s “Three Penny Opera.” She invites Carola to a boxing match and knocks her out with her lethal right hook which impresses von Sternberg and Jannings. She invites Jannings to join Mahir’s studio as a way to augment his commendable loss of 100 lbs and staying in shape and then invites Carola to join her, Jannings, and von Sternberg for a visit to “the Berlin of Lola Lola” where they can meet the “Einstein of Sex” Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, a sexologist. All this is Dietrich’s way to deepen her relationship with von Sternberg and mend her relationship with Janning, if not play one-up on him.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT IN ACT ONE: At the Club Silhouette, Carola, Marlene von Sternberg, and Jannings meet Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld who advocates for gay rights and greater freedom in matters of sex. While Dietrich sits on von Sternberg’s lap, in a moment to be reenacted in The film “Morocco,” Marlene Dietrich reaches over and kisses Carola Neher on the lips which makes Dietrich the more attractive to von Sternberg and repulsive to Jannings (“Lola Lola would never do that” Dietrich: “Don’t be so sure.”). Marlene orders champagne for everybody in the club in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel.” However, the celebration is cut short. A group of Nazis marching in the street hurl rocks through the windows of the Club Silhouette. Hirshfeld remarks, “If those Nazis take over, it will be all over for homosexuals and for Jews. And I am both!” Von Sternberg says, “They will take over the movie business, too. Well, there is work in Hollywood, (to Marlene, he says) “After ‘Blue Angel,’ that’s where I am taking you.”

5. MIDPOINT/ PLOT EVENT: Jannings castigates von Sternberg that he does not even lunch with him but has lunch in Dietrich’s dressing room.

6. MIDPOINT: Von Sternberg’s wife (Riva Royce) confronts him about his relationship with Marlene Dietrich. She says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He replies, “I’d sooner share a telephone booth with a cobra.”

7. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Emil Jannings and novelist,

Heinrich Mann watch some dailies. Mann complains that the whole story of his novel

(Professor Unrat) on which “The Blue Angel is based, is subverted by Miss Dietrich’s

legs. Emil Jannings agrees and they go to complain directly to von Sternberg,

Jannings particularly harboring the grievance that he is upstaged by Dietrich

while he is the star. And that all his (von Sternberg’s direction is honed in on

Dietrich while he feels that their collaborative spirit that they had in earlier films

has eroded. Von Sternberg explains that he (Jannings) is the mature actor and

Dietrich needs the attention and she could use his support.

8. CRISIS: In one scene, Jannings’ character is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s character. Jannings over acts it and actually strangles Dietrich, bruising her. She says to von Sternberg, “I played along for the sake of the scene but I could have decked him with my right hook. Next time he tries it, that’s what I’ll do!” She spews her thoughts that she has kept to herself throughout the filming, e.g., that Jannings is a sullen egotistical fool and an over-acting ham who in your (von Sternberg’s) absence has vetoed your direction and directed the cast to do the opposite of what you instructed them.

CHARACTER ARCS: Von Sternberg says to both Dietrich and Jannings, “’The Blue Angel is about to wrap. He need actors who see each other as partners to make a work of art and now put on the finishing touches.” They put aside their rivalry and finish excellent closing scenes in the climax.

9. CLIMAX: The final scenes are filmed: Marlene singing her signature song, “Falling in Love Again,” which includes title line: “Men cluster to me like Moths around a flame. And if their wings are burned, I know I’m not to blame.”

Jannings then enacts the tragic end of the Professor, as he dies clinging to his desk in his old class room.

10. Uncertain of his future, Jannings pays a visit to Alfred Hugenberg, the studio chief, and states his anxiety about his future. Jannings is convinced that he has no future in Hollywood because, he has found out the hard way that his German accent is not working for “talkies.” Hugenberg is a supporter of the Nazis and says to Jannings that he has a future in Germany when the Nazis take over. He tells him that he knows “Goebbels is an admirer of yours.” Jannings is encouraged to do just that.

11. JANNINGS CHARACTER ARC: Life imitates art as Jannings becomes a favorite of the Nazis, only to find himself, as in the opening scene, condemned to de-nazification, in effect, ending his acting career and ruined, much like the professor he played fifteen years earlier, in “The Blue Angel.’

PLOT EVENT: Jannings is visited by old colleague, Hans Alber, who played Mazeppa in “The Blue Angel.” He also stayed in Germany in the film industry, dodging every time the Nazis tried to us him for propaganda. He required no de-nazification and laments with Jannings that he (Jannings) chose wrongly and could have done the same thing. Or even leave for Hollywood with Peter Lorre and Conrad Veidt, and others who escaped from the Nazis.

12. Closing Title Cards:

Josef von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich went to Hollywood and for the next decade created many acclaimed motion pictures. She opposed Hitler, became an American citizen and entertained the troops even as they fought the German army.

Emil Jannings after 1945 underwent denazification. He would never act again and died in 1950 at age 65.

CHARACTER ARC OF MARLENE DIETRICH:

Part to be changed: Her feelings of inferiority before von Sternberg and Jannings.

Biggest Fear: She’ll be overlooked for the talent she has.

Completion of arc: After months of rivalry with Jannings, she puts her resentments aside and delivers a stunning performance which leads to the international stardom she sought.

CHARACTER ARC FOR EMIL JANNINGS:

Parts to be changed: His jealousy of Dietrich.

Biggest Fear: For his future and his retention of stardom that won him an Oscar.

Completion of Arc: He chooses to put aside his feud with Dietrich and delivers a stellar performance, but choices to remain in Germany and becomes an instrument of Nazi propaganda.

CHARACTER ARC FOR JOSEF VON STERNBERG:

Part to be changed: His pressure of being a director, while having a relationship with his leading actress and playing referee in the Dietrich-Jannings conflict.

Biggest Fear: Losing control and delivering a movie disaster.

Completion of Arc: Tells his actors to put aside their difference and be partners, completes the film, and takes Marlene Dietrich to Hollywood and international stardom.

EVALUATION

It needs more connectedness. Just a retelling of the making of “The Blue Angel” needs more and it is related to the character of Emil Jannings who undergoes a tragic transformation that in its own way parallels the tragic transformation of the character he plays in “The Blue Angel.”

STEP TWO: Isolate Components for improvement and brainstorm ways to elevate them. Below is my second outline with the brainstorm I had included.

PLOT: TRAGIC #12 TRANSFORMATION

STRUCTURE:

Needed a more organic reason to retell the story of the making of “The Blue Angel.”

1. THE OPENING: OPENING: July 1945, Post-war Berlin: Out of the rubble the figure of a man emerges brandishing an Oscar statuette, he shouts at the US Troop installation before him, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I have won an Oscar!” US troops take him into custody and discover that he is the German actor, Emil Jannings, first Best Actor Oscar winner for ‘The Last Command” (1929)’ and famous also for his performance in “The Blue Angel” (1930).

2. INCITING INCIDENT: Because Jannings became a tool of the Nazis as an actor in their propaganda film, he must mow be de-nazified, effectively, ending his acting career. This is the new inciting incident. The examining US Officer asks,

US OFFICER

How did a prominent actor – a man of your stature

become a tool of Nazi propaganda?

JANNINGS

It’s called gaining the whole world

But losing your own soul.

US OFFICER

Huh?

JANNINGS

It started with “The Blue Angel.”

Jannings then retells the story of the making of “The Blue Angel” which is the bulk of this screenplay.

The Dramatic Question is: How did Emil Jannings become a pariah – a tool of the Nazis?

The story continues with von Sternberg’s casting of Marlene Dietrich as the female lead, the showgirl Lola Lola. This is against everybody else’s wish, as everyone else wanted a name-actress. But von Sternberg insists over the protests of Janning and the studio brass.

The story proceeds with Janning confronting von Sternberg with reminders that his “discovery” is not a star but he himself is THE star of “The Blue Angel.”

The CLIMAX is no longer the two scenes of Dietrich and Jannings portraying their characters at the end of the film (although these scenes are re-created. THE CLIMAX is now Jannings’ meeting with studio chief Alfred Hugenberg who encourages Jannings to solve his career concerns by acting in films for the Nazis as he already has an admirer in Josef Goebbels. Jannings takes his advice. And that is how a man of Jannings’ stature became a stooge of the Nazis by which he gained the world and lost his soul, as well, as his acting career entirely.

PLOT STRUCTURE: In addition to these changes (now in the works), there are other sub-plots:

RIVALRY between Dietrich and Jannings all in the context of a DRAMATIC TRIANGLE between DIETRICH and JANNINGS and director, von STERNBERG. In fact, under these comes the fact that each character is both a protagonist and antagonist depending upon the configuration of the triangle relationsships. Over all, Jannings is the protagonist of this screenplay but he becomes a grotesque and tragic protagonist. His only saving virtue in the end is that he regrets the choices he made.

THE MAIN CONFLICT is both the RIVALRY OF DIETRICH AND JANNINGS but also JANNING and VON STERNBERG who disagree about STERNBERG’s attention to mentoring DIETRICH.

DRAMATIC QUESTION: Will JANNINGS, DIETRICH, and STERNBERG be able to work together and finish the film? But “How did a man of Jannings’ stature allow himself to become a tool of the Nazis?”

DILEMMA: Jannings’ decision should or should I not associate myself with the Nazis?

THEME: Gaining the world and losing your soul. I have to say this without the film getting ‘preachy.’

PASS #2 OF MY STORY LOGIC WEB

CONCEPT: Working title: “Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of “The Blue Angel”

New LOGLINE: Why did acclaimed, Oscar-winning German actor, Emil Jannings, after his stunning performance in “The Blue Angel,” choose to perform in Nazi propaganda films which led to his tragic end that mirrored the tragic end of his character in “The Blue Angel” and what role did “The Blue Angel” play in precipitating his choice?

LEAD CHARACTERS

Emil Jannings: Tragic Protagonist/Antagonist.

Josef von Sternberg: Protagonist.

Marlene Dietrich: Protagonist.

PLOT: Tragic Transformation.

CHARACTER ARC: Uncertain of the future of his career, Emil Jannings chooses to act in Nazi Propaganda films.

MAIN CONFLICT: Emil Jannings vs Marlene Dietrich while also undermining the direction of Josef von Sternberg for grooming her for a stardom that he feels upstages him in the erotic thriller they are filming, “The Blue Angel.”

DRAMATIC QUESTION: “How did a man of Jannings’ stature allow himself to become a tool of the Nazis?”

DILEMMA: Will Jannings advance his career by working with the Nazis?

THEME: Gaining the world and losing your soul.

DISCOVERIES AND IMPROVEMENTS

DISCOVERY: The climactic meeting of Jannings with Nazi-Supporting, Studio Chief Alfred Hugenberg seems anti-climactic. It could have been all Jannings needed to tell in order to answer the dramatic question, in which case why the whole story of the making of “The Blue Angel”? UNLESS it’s a remorseful confession of how rotten he was toward Marlene Dietrich and harassing he was of von Sternberg?

Raises the question: Why should we care about the story of a Nazi stooge, however remorseful he became?

IMPROVEMENT: It is a story of remorse but also admiration for Dietrich and Sternberg.

DISCOVERY: The character arc points to a tragic end, but Jannings is a boor throughout

the filming of “The Blue Angel.” What sympathy for him? There could be an upbeat ending to

this. It can only be a confession and contrition on the part of Jannings, much like the

acknowledgement of Salieri at the end of “Amadeus.” Only way I can go. The confession is to

his friend, actor Hans Alber who stayed in Germany but stayed free of Nazism.

AFTER:

CONCEPT: Working Title: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of “The Blue Angel”

Why did acclaimed, Oscar-winning German actor, Emil Jannings, after his stunning performance in “The Blue Angel,” choose to perform in Nazi propaganda films which led to his tragic end that mirrored the tragic end of his character in “The Blue Angel” and what role did his conflicts with Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg (director) play in precipitating his choice?

LEAD CHARACTERS:

Emil Jannings: Tragic Protagonist/Antagonist.

Josef von Sternberg: Protagonist.

Marlene Dietrich: Protagonist.

PLOT: Tragic Transformation.

MAIN BEATS

1. OPENING: Jannings is taken into custody and recognized as an Oscar-winning actor.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: US OFFICER asks, How did a prominent actor – a man of your stature become a tool of Nazi propaganda? Jannings’ answer is the telling of this film’s story.

3. BY PAGE 10: Jannings opposes von Sternberg’s (the director) casting of (then unknown) Marlene Dietrich, as Jannings and the studio brass wanted a name actress.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT IN ACT ONE: Dietrich gives a tour of the “Berlin of Lola Lola” the trollop she plays in the film. She shows von Sternberg and Jannings that she is a boxer, and will box to lose weight – as von Sternberg demands. Dietrich takes von Sternberg and Jannings to a gay cabaret (the Club Silhouette) which is then attacked by the Nazis.

5. MIDPOINT: von Sternberg’s wife (Riza Royce) asks him, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He replies, “I’d rather share a phone booth with a cobra.”

6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT TWO: Jannings angered at Dietrich and von Sternberg for upstaging him as the star, overacts a scene requiring Jannings to strangle Dietrich, he really does. Von Sternberg calls on them to reconcile and partner up for a big finish to the film, which they do with Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again.” And Jannings moving performance of the death of the professor in ruin.

7. CRISIS: Uncertain of his future, Jannings asks for help from Studio Chief (and Nazi supporter, Alfred Hugenberg who encourages Jannings to work for the Nazis when they take over. He decides to do so.

8. CLIMAX: Jannings is remorseful for his choice and liberated for having confessed his story which parallels the ruination of the professor he played in “The Blue Angel.”

9. RESOLUTION: Closing Title Cards:

Josef von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich went to Hollywood and for the next decade created many acclaimed motion pictures.

After 1945 Jannings underwent denazification. He would never act again and died in 1950 at age 65, an ending not unlike that of the Professor he portrayed in “The Blue Angel,” twenty years earlier.

CHARACTER ARC: Jannings accepts his guilt with remorse for having worked for the Nazis in propaganda films.

MAIN CONFLICT: Emil Jannings vs Marlene Dietrich while also undermining the direction of Josef von Sternberg for grooming her for a stardom that he feels upstages him as the star of “The Blue Angel.”

DRAMATIC QUESTION: How did a prominent actor – a man of stature become a tool of Nazi propaganda?

DILEMMA: Will Jannings advance his career by working with the Nazis?

THEME: Gaining the whole world and losing your soul.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Thought it would be good to add to the title the notice: Based on a true story

[Robert Smith]

[PS80] DAY 8 BOB SMITH’S LOGIC WEB

“What I learned doing this assignment is…? How to develop a logic web. I lerned how it is a very useful instrument in writing.

PRESENT YOUR STORY SHOWING EACH PART OF THE 9-BEAT STRUCTUE:

“What I learned doing this assignment is…? The importance of the character arc which moves the story forward. This was a very exacting lesson, I hope I did it right.

WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

LOGLINE: Amid the decadence of Weimar Berlin, a prominent film director (Josef von Sternberg) coaches his unknown discovery (Marlene Dietrich) and grooms her for stardom. This grows into an affair that parallels the erotic thriller they are filming, “The Blue Angel” in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin but life further imitates art as a rivalry develops between the star of the film, Oscar winning actor Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich all within a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Janning, all of which has far reaching impact.

PLOT: RIVALRY.

LEAD CHARACTERS:

JOSEF VON STERNBERG, film director.

EMIL JANNINGS, Oscar-winning actor.

MARLENE DIETRICH, actress, von Sternberg’s discovery, he is her mentor to stardom.

STRUCTURE (I am including all the instances of rivalry and the dramatic triangle and character arc in bold.)

1. OPENING: July 1945, Post-war Berlin: Out of the rubble the figure of a man emerges brandishing an Oscar statuette, he shouts at the US Troop installation before him, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I have won an Oscar!” US troops take him into custody and discover that he is the German actor, Emil Jannings, first Best Actor Oscar winner for ‘The Last Command” (1929)’ and famous also for his performance in “The Blue Angel” (1930) although some of the soldiers say they don’t remember him, but they remember Marlene Dietrich as the star. Jannings grumbles, “I was the star! What you remember is Miss Dietrich’s legs!” They ask what happened to him since then, he indicates that he was “Artist of the State” under the Nazis. The US Commander tells him that he will have to undergo denazification which effectively ends his acting career and asks what led him to perform for the Nazis. So Jannings recounts his unfortunate choices which go back to what happened during the filming of the erotic thriller, “The Blue Angel” in 1930.

“’Moths Around a Flame..’” is about a rivalry between Dietrich and Jannings with a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Jannings.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: Marlene Dietrich, an unknown, auditions for the part of the Cabaret show girl, Lola Lola. Josef von Sternberg, the Director, screens her audition for the studio executives and Emil Jannings, and says he will cast her in the role of the Cabaret showgirl Lola Lola, who is the love interest of Professor Rath (played by Jannings) whose infatuation with her leads to his ruination. Von Sternberg’s choice is met with opposition from everyone involved in the production who were hoping for an established actress in the part. But von Sternberg insists that he will work with no other actress but Dietrich, a chorus girl. He says she is a novice and he will coach her for the part and the stardom he believes can be hers. Jannings views Dietrich as a rival and reminds von Sternberg: “But remember, I am the star of this film.”

3. BY PAGE 10: Von Sternberg is spending an inordinate amount of time with Dietrich in coaching her for the role and grooming her for stardom. He tells Dietrich to lose weight. She invites him and Jannings on a night out to see “the Berlin of Lola Lola” starting wth the Sabri Mahir Boxing Studio, where she keeps in shape and will get into the better shape von Sternberg desires with intensive boxing exercises under Mahir, her trainer. She introduces von Sternberg and Jannings to Mahir and also her friend, actress Carola Neher, also a boxer, and now a cast member of Berthold Brecht’s “Three Penny Opera.” She invites Carola to a boxing match and knocks her out with her lethal right hook which impresses von Sternberg and Jannings. She invites Jannings to join Mahir’s studio as a way to augment his commendable loss of 100 lbs and staying in shape and then invites Carola to join her, Jannings, and von Sternberg for a visit to “the Berlin of Lola Lola” where they can meet the “Einstein of Sex” Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, a sexologist. All this is Dietrich’s way to deepen her relationship with von Sternberg and mend her relationship with Janning, if not play one-up on him.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT IN ACT ONE: At the Club Silhouette, Carola, Marlene von Sternberg, and Jannings meet Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld who advocates for gay rights and greater freedom in matters of sex. While Dietrich sits on von Sternberg’s lap, in a moment to be reenacted in The film “Morocco,” Marlene Dietrich reaches over and kisses Carola Neher on the lips which makes Dietrich the more attractive to von Sternberg and repulsive to Jannings (“Lola Lola would never do that” Dietrich: “Don’t be so sure.”). Marlene orders champagne for everybody in the club in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel.” However, the celebration is cut short. A group of Nazis marching in the street hurl rocks through the windows of the Club Silhouette. Hirshfeld remarks, “If those Nazis take over, it will be all over for homosexuals and for Jews. And I am both!” Von Sternberg says, “They will take over the movie business, too. Well, there is work in Hollywood, (to Marlene, he says) “After ‘Blue Angel,’ that’s where I am taking you.”

5. MIDPOINT/ PLOT EVENT: Jannings castigates von Sternberg that he does not even lunch with him but has lunch in Dietrich’s dressing room.

6. MIDPOINT: Von Sternberg’s wife (Riva Royce) confronts him about his relationship with Marlene Dietrich. She says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He replies, “I’d sooner share a telephone booth with a cobra.”

7. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Emil Jannings and novelist,

Heinrich Mann watch some dailies. Mann complains that the whole story of his novel

(Professor Unrat) on which “The Blue Angel is based, is subverted by Miss Dietrich’s

legs. Emil Jannings agrees and they go to complain directly to von Sternberg,

Jannings particularly harboring the grievance that he is upstaged by Dietrich

while he is the star. And that all his (von Sternberg’s direction is honed in on

Dietrich while he feels that their collaborative spirit that they had in earlier films

has eroded. Von Sternberg explains that he (Jannings) is the mature actor and

Dietrich needs the attention and she could use his support.

8. CRISIS: In one scene, Jannings’ character is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s character. Jannings over acts it and actually strangles Dietrich, bruising her. She says to von Sternberg, “I played along for the sake of the scene but I could have decked him with my right hook. Next time he tries it, that’s what I’ll do!” She spews her thoughts that she has kept to herself throughout the filming, e.g., that Jannings is a sullen egotistical fool and an over-acting ham who in your (von Sternberg’s) absence has vetoed your direction and directed the cast to do the opposite of what you instructed them.

CHARACTER ARCS: Von Sternberg says to both Dietrich and Jannings, “’The Blue Angel is about to wrap. He need actors who see each other as partners to make a work of art and now put on the finishing touches.” They put aside their rivalry and finish excellent closing scenes in the climax.

9. CLIMAX: The final scenes are filmed: Marlene singing her signature song, “Falling in Love Again,” which includes title line: “Men cluster to me like Moths around a flame. And if their wings are burned, I know I’m not to blame.”

Jannings then enacts the tragic end of the Professor, as he dies clinging to his desk in his old class room.

10. Uncertain of his future, Jannings pays a visit to Alfred Hugenberg, the studio chief, and states his anxiety about his future. Jannings is convinced that he has no future in Hollywood because, he has found out the hard way that his German accent is not working for “talkies.” Hugenberg is a supporter of the Nazis and says to Jannings that he has a future in Germany when the Nazis take over. He tells him that he knows “Goebbels is an admirer of yours.” Jannings is encouraged to do just that.

11. JANNINGS CHARACTER ARC: Life imitates art as Jannings becomes a favorite of the Nazis, only to find himself, as in the opening scene, condemned to de-nazification, in effect, ending his acting career and ruined, much like the professor he played fifteen years earlier, in “The Blue Angel.’

PLOT EVENT: Jannings is visited by old colleague, Hans Alber, who played Mazeppa in “The Blue Angel.” He also stayed in Germany in the film industry, dodging every time the Nazis tried to us him for propaganda. He required no de-nazification and laments with Jannings that he (Jannings) chose wrongly and could have done the same thing. Or even leave for Hollywood with Peter Lorre and Conrad Veidt, and others who escaped from the Nazis.

12. Closing Title Cards:

Josef von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich went to Hollywood and for the next decade created many acclaimed motion pictures. She opposed Hitler, became an American citizen and entertained the troops even as they fought the German army.

Emil Jannings after 1945 underwent denazification. He would never act again and died in 1950 at age 65.

CHARACTER ARC OF MARLENE DIETRICH:

Part to be changed: Her feelings of inferiority before von Sternberg and Jannings.

Biggest Fear: She’ll be overlooked for the talent she has.

Completion of arc: After months of rivalry with Jannings, she puts her resentments aside and delivers a stunning performance which leads to the international stardom she sought.

CHARACTER ARC FOR EMIL JANNINGS:

Parts to be changed: His jealousy of Dietrich.

Biggest Fear: For his future and his retention of stardom that won him an Oscar.

Completion of Arc: He chooses to put aside his feud with Dietrich and delivers a stellar performance, but choices to remain in Germany and becomes an instrument of Nazi propaganda.

CHARACTER ARC FOR JOSEF VON STERNBERG:

Part to be changed: His pressure of being a director, while having a relationship with his leading actress and playing referee in the Dietrich-Jannings conflict.

Biggest Fear: Losing control and delivering a movie disaster.

Completion of Arc: Tells his actors to put aside their difference and be partners, completes the film, and takes Marlene Dietrich to Hollywood and international stardom.

EVALUATION

It needs more connectedness. Just a retelling of the making of “The Blue Angel” needs more and it is related to the character of Emil Jannings who undergoes a tragic transformation that in its own way parallels the tragic transformation of the character he plays in “The Blue Angel.”

STEP TWO: Isolate Components for improvement and brainstorm ways to elevate them. Below is my second outline with the brainstorm I had included.

PLOT: TRAGIC #12 TRANSFORMATION

STUCTURE:

Needed a more organic reason to retell the story of the making of “The Blue Angel.”

1. THE OPENING: OPENING: July 1945, Post-war Berlin: Out of the rubble the figure of a man emerges brandishing an Oscar statuette, he shouts at the US Troop installation before him, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I have won an Oscar!” US troops take him into custody and discover that he is the German actor, Emil Jannings, first Best Actor Oscar winner for ‘The Last Command” (1929)’ and famous also for his performance in “The Blue Angel” (1930).

2. INCITING INCIDENT: Because Jannings became a tool of the Nazis as an actor in their propaganda film, he must mow be de-nazified, effectively, ending his acting career. This is the new inciting incident. The examining US Officer asks,

US OFFICER

How did a prominent actor – a man of your stature

become a tool of Nazi propaganda?

JANNINGS

It’s called gaining the whole world

But losing your own soul.

US OFFICER

Huh?

JANNINGS

It started with “The Blue Angel.”

Jannings then retells the story of the making of “The Blue Angel” which is the bulk of this screenplay.

The Dramatic Question is: How did Emil Jannings become a pariah – a tool of the Nazis?

The story continues with von Sternberg’s casting of Marlene Dietrich as the female lead, the showgirl Lola Lola. This is against everybody else’s wish, as everyone else wanted a name-actress. But von Sternberg insists over the protests of Janning and the studio brass.

The story proceeds with Janning confronting von Sternberg with reminders that his “discovery” is not a star but he himself is THE star of “The Blue Angel.”

The CLIMAX is no longer the two scenes of Dietrich and Jannings portraying their characters at the end of the film (although these scenes are re-created. THE CLIMAX is now Jannings’ meeting with studio chief Alfred Hugenberg who encourages Jannings to solve his career concerns by acting in films for the Nazis as he already has an admirer in Josef Goebbels. Jannings takes his advice. And that is how a man of Jannings’ stature became a stooge of the Nazis by which he gained the world and lost his soul, as well, as his acting career entirely.

PLOT STRUCTURE: In addition to these changes (now in the works), there are other sub-plots:

RIVALRY between Dietrich and Jannings all in the context of a DRAMATIC TRIANGLE between DIETRICH and JANNINGS and director, von STERNBERG. In fact, under these comes the fact that each character is both a protagonist and antagonist depending upon the configuration of the triangle relationsships. Over all, Jannings is the protagonist of this screenplay but he becomes a grotesque and tragic protagonist. His only saving virtue in the end is that he regrets the choices he made.

THE MAIN CONFLICT is both the RIVALRY OF DIETRICH AND JANNINGS but also JANNING and VON STERNBERG who disagree about STERNBERG’s attention to mentoring DIETRICH.

DRAMATIC QUESTION: Will JANNINGS, DIETRICH, and STERNBERG be able to work together and finish the film? But “How did a man of Jannings’ stature allow himself to become a tool of the Nazis?”

DILEMMA: Jannings’ decision should or should I not associate myself with the Nazis?

THEME: Gaining the world and losing your soul. I have to say this without the film getting ‘preachy.’

PASS #2 OF MY STORY LOGIC WEB

CONCEPT: Working title: “Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of “The Blue Angel”

New LOGLINE: Why did acclaimed, Oscar-winning German actor, Emil Jannings, after his stunning performance in “The Blue Angel,” choose to perform in Nazi propaganda films which led to his tragic end that mirrored the tragic end of his character in “The Blue Angel” and what role did “The Blue Angel” play in precipitating his choice?

LEAD CHARACTERS

Emil Jannings: Tragic Protagonist/Antagonist.

Josef von Sternberg: Protagonist.

Marlene Dietrich: Protagonist.

PLOT: Tragic Transformation.

CHARACTER ARC: Uncertain of the future of his career, Emil Jannings chooses to act in Nazi Propaganda films.

MAIN CONFLICT: Emil Jannings vs Marlene Dietrich while also undermining the direction of Josef von Sternberg for grooming her for a stardom that he feels upstages him in the erotic thriller they are filming, “The Blue Angel.”

DRAMATIC QUESTION: “How did a man of Jannings’ stature allow himself to become a tool of the Nazis?”

DILEMMA: Will Jannings advance his career by working with the Nazis?

THEME: Gaining the world and losing your soul.

DISCOVERIES AND IMPROVEMENTS

DISCOVERY: The climactic meeting of Jannings with Nazi-Supporting, Studio Chief Alfred Hugenberg seems anti-climactic. It could have been all Jannings needed to tell in order to answer the dramatic question, in which case why the whole story of the making of “The Blue Angel”? UNLESS it’s a remorseful confession of how rotten he was toward Marlene Dietrich and harassing he was of von Sternberg?

Raises the question: Why should we care about the story of a Nazi stooge, however remorseful he became?

IMPROVEMENT: It is a story of remorse but also admiration for Dietrich and Sternberg.

DISCOVERY: The character arc points to a tragic end, but Jannings is a boor throughout

the filming of “The Blue Angel.” What sympathy for him? There could be an upbeat ending to

this. It can only be a confession and contrition on the part of Jannings, much like the

acknowledgement of Salieri at the end of “Amadeus.” Only way I can go. The confession is to

his friend, actor Hans Alber who stayed in Germany but stayed free of Nazism.

AFTER:

CONCEPT: Working Title: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of “The Blue Angel”

Why did acclaimed, Oscar-winning German actor, Emil Jannings, after his stunning performance in “The Blue Angel,” choose to perform in Nazi propaganda films which led to his tragic end that mirrored the tragic end of his character in “The Blue Angel” and what role did his conflicts with Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg (director) play in precipitating his choice?

LEAD CHARACTERS:

Emil Jannings: Tragic Protagonist/Antagonist.

Josef von Sternberg: Protagonist.

Marlene Dietrich: Protagonist.

PLOT: Tragic Transformation.

MAIN BEATS

1. OPENING: Jannings is taken into custody and recognized as an Oscar-winning actor.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: US OFFICER asks, How did a prominent actor – a man of your stature become a tool of Nazi propaganda? Jannings’ answer is the telling of this film’s story.

3. BY PAGE 10: Jannings opposes von Sternberg’s (the director) casting of (then unknown) Marlene Dietrich, as Jannings and the studio brass wanted a name actress.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT IN ACT ONE: Dietrich gives a tour of the “Berlin of Lola Lola” the trollop she plays in the film. She shows von Sternberg and Jannings that she is a boxer, and will box to lose weight – as von Sternberg demands. Dietrich takes von Sternberg and Jannings to a gay cabaret (the Club Silhouette) which is then attacked by the Nazis.

5. MIDPOINT: von Sternberg’s wife (Riza Royce) asks him, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He replies, “I’d rather share a phone booth with a cobra.”

6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT TWO: Jannings angered at Dietrich and von Sternberg for upstaging him as the star, overacts a scene requiring Jannings to strangle Dietrich, he really does. Von Sternberg calls on them to reconcile and partner up for a big finish to the film, which they do with Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again.” And Jannings moving performance of the death of the professor in ruin.

7. CRISIS: Uncertain of his future, Jannings asks for help from Studio Chief (and Nazi supporter, Alfred Hugenberg who encourages Jannings to work for the Nazis when they take over. He decides to do so.

8. CLIMAX: Jannings is remorseful for his choice and liberated for having confessed his story which parallels the ruination of the professor he played in “The Blue Angel.”

CHARACTER ARC: Jannings accepts his guilt with remorse for having worked for the Nazis in propaganda films.

MAIN CONFLICT: Emil Jannings vs Marlene Dietrich while also undermining the direction of Josef von Sternberg for grooming her for a stardom that he feels upstages him as the star of “The Blue Angel.”

DRAMATIC QUESTION: How did a prominent actor – a man of stature become a tool of Nazi propaganda?

DILEMMA: Will Jannings advance his career by working with the Nazis?

THEME: Gaining the whole world and losing your soul.

<br clear=”all”>

[Robert Smith]

[PS80] DAY 7 BOB SMITH’S FIRST PASS

PRESENT YOUR STORY SHOWING EACH PART OF THE 9-BEAT STRUCTUE:

“What I learned doing this assignment is…? The importance of the character arc which moves the story forward. This was a very difficult lesson. This is my outline but I realized too late that I was supposed to divide it into scenes.

WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

LOGLINE: Amid the decadence of Weimar Berlin, a prominent film director (Josef von Sternberg) coaches his unknown discovery (Marlene Dietrich) and grooms her for stardom. This grows into an affair that parallels the erotic thriller they are filming, “The Blue Angel” in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin but life further imitates art as a rivalry develops between the star of the film, Oscar winning actor Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich all within a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Janning, all of which has far reaching impact.

STRUCTURE (I am including all the instances of rivalry and the dramatic triangle and character arc in bold.)

1. OPENING:

Titel Card: July 1945, Post-war Berlin. US Troop Headquarters.

Out of the rubble the figure of a man emerges brandishing an Oscar statuette, he shouts at the US Troop installation before him, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I have won an Oscar!” US troops take him into custody and discover that he is the German actor, Emil Jannings, first Best Actor Oscar winner for ‘The Last Command” (1929)’ and famous also for his performance in “The Blue Angel” (1930) although some of the soldiers say they don’t remember him, but they remember Marlene Dietrich as the star. Jannings grumbles, “I was the star! What you remember is Miss Dietrich’s legs!” They ask what happened to him since then, he indicates that he was “Artist of the State” under the Nazis. The US Commander tells him that he will have to undergo denazification which effectively ends his acting career and asks what led him to perform for the Nazis. So Jannings recounts his unfortunate choices which go back to what happened during the filming of the erotic thriller, “The Blue Angel” in 1930.

“’Moths Around a Flame..’” is about a rivalry between Dietrich and Jannings with a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Jannings.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: Marlene Dietrich, an unknown, auditions for the part of the Cabaret show girl, Lola Lola. Josef von Sternberg, the Director, screens her audition for the studio executives and Emil Jannings, and says he will cast her in the role of the Cabaret showgirl Lola Lola, who is the love interest of Professor Rath (played by Jannings) whose infatuation with her leads to his ruination. Von Sternberg’s choice is met with opposition from everyone involved in the production who were hoping for an established actress in the part. But von Sternberg insists that he will work with no other actress but Dietrich, a chorus girl. He says she is a novice and he will coach her for the part and the stardom he believes can be hers. Jannings views Dietrich as a rival and reminds von Sternberg: “But remember, I am the star of this film.”

3. BY PAGE 10: Von Sternberg is spending an inordinate amount of time with Dietrich in coaching her for the role and grooming her for stardom. He tells Dietrich to lose weight. She invites him and Jannings on a night out to see “the Berlin of Lola Lola” starting wth the Sabri Mahir Boxing Studio, where she keeps in shape and will get into the better shape von Sternberg desires with intensive boxing exercises under Mahir, her trainer. She introduces von Sternberg and Jannings to Mahir and also her friend, actress Carola Neher, also a boxer, and now a cast member of Berthold Brecht’s “Three Penny Opera.” She invites Carola to a boxing match and knocks her out with her lethal right hook which impresses von Sternberg and Jannings. She invites Jannings to join Mahir’s studio as a way to augment his commendable loss of 100 lbs and staying in shape and then invites Carola to join her, Jannings, and von Sternberg for a visit to “the Berlin of Lola Lola” where they can meet the “Einstein of Sex” Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, a sexologist. All this is Dietrich’s way to deepen her relationship with von Sternberg and mend her relationship with Janning, if not play one-up on him.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT IN ACT ONE: At the Club Silhouette, Carola, Marlene von Sternberg, and Jannings meet Dr. Hirschfeld who advocates for gay rights and greater freedom in matters of sex. While Dietrich sits on von Sternberg’s lap, in a moment to be reenacted in The film “Morocco,” Marlene Dietrich reaches over and kisses Carola Neher on the lips which makes Dietrich the more attractive to von Sternberg and repulsive to Jannings (“Lola Lola would never do that” Dietrich: “Don’t be so sure.”). Marlene orders champagne for everybody in the club in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel.” However, the celebration is cut short. A group of Nazis marching in the street hurl rocks through the windows of the Club Silhouette. Hirshfeld remarks, “If those Nazis take over, it will be all over for homosexuals and for Jews. And I am both!” Von Sternberg says, “They will take over the movie business, too. Well, there is work in Hollywood, (to Marlene, he says) “After ‘Blue Angel,’ that’s where I am taking you.”

5. MIDPOINT/ PLOT EVENT: Jannings castigates von Sternberg that he does not even lunch with him but has lunch in Dietrich’s dressing room.

6. MIDPOINT: Von Sternberg’s wife (Riva Royce) confronts him about his relationship with Marlene Dietrich. She says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He replies, “I’d sooner share a telephone booth with a cobra.”

7. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Emil Jannings and novelist,

Heinrich Mann watch some dailies. Mann complains that the whole story of his novel

(Professor Unrat) on which “The Blue Angel is based, is subverted by Miss Dietrich’s

legs. Emil Jannings agrees and they go to complain directly to von Sternberg,

Jannings particularly harboring the grievance that he is upstaged by Dietrich

while he is the star. And that all his (von Sternberg’s direction is honed in on

Dietrich while he feels that their collaborative spirit that they had in earlier films

has eroded. Von Sternberg explains that he (Jannings) is the mature actor and

Dietrich needs the attention and she could use his support.

8. CRISIS: In one scene, Jannings’ character is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s character. Jannings over acts it and actually strangles Dietrich, bruising her. She says to von Sternberg, “I played along for the sake of the scene but I could have decked him with my right hook. Next time he tries it, that’s what I’ll do!” She spews her thoughts that she has kept to herself throughout the film, e.g., that Jannings is a sullen egotistical fool and an over-acting ham who in your (von Sternberg’s) absence has vetoed your direction and directed the cast to do the opposite of what you instructed them.

CHARACTER ARCS: Von Sternberg says to both Dietrich and Jannings, “’The Blue Angel is about to wrap. He need actors who see each other as partners to make a work of art and now put on the finishing touches.” They put aside their rivalry and finish excellent closing scenes in the climax.

9.

10. CLIMAX: The final scenes are filmed: Marlene singing her signature song, “Falling in Love Again,” which includes title line: “Men cluster to me like Moths around a flame. And if their wings are burned, I know I’m not to blame.”

Jannings then enacts the tragic end of the Professor, as he dies clinging to his desk in his old class room.

11. Uncertain of his future, Jannings pays a visit to Alfred Hugenberg, the studio chief, and states his anxiety about his future. Jannings is convinced that he has no future in Hollywood because, he has found out the hard way that his German accent is not working for “talkies.” Hugenberg is a supporter of the Nazis and says to Jannings that he has a future in Germany when the Nazis take over. He tells him that he knows Goebbels is an admirer.

12. JANNINGS CHARACTER ARC: Life imitates art as Jannings becomes a favorite of the Nazis, only to find himself, as in the opening scene, condemned to de-nazification, in effect, ending his acting career and ruined, much like the professor he played fifteen years earlier, in “The Blue Angel.’

PLOT EVENT: In his home, isolated because he is being de-nazified, Jannings is visited by old colleague, Hans Alber, who played Mazeppa in “The Blue Angel.” He also stayed in Germany in the film industry, dodging every time the Nazis tried to use him for propaganda. He required no de-nazification and laments with Jannings that he (Jannings) chose wrongly and could have done the same thing. Or even leave for Hollywood with Peter Lorre and Conrad Veidt, and others who escaped from the Nazis.

13. Closing Title Cards:

Josef von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich went to Hollywood and for the next decade created many acclaimed motion pictures. She opposed Hitler, became an American citizen and entertained the troops even as they fought the German army.

Emil Jannings after 1945 underwent denazification. He would never act again and died in 1950 at age 65.

CHARACTER ARC OF MARLENE DIETRICH:

Part to be changed: Her feelings of inferiority before von Sternberg and Jannings.

Biggest Fear: She’ll be overlooked for the talent she has.

Completion of arc: After months of rivalry with Jannings, she puts her resentments aside and delivers a stunning performance which leads to the international stardom she sought.

CHARACTER ARC FOR EMIL JANNINGS:

Parts to be changed: His jealousy of Dietrich.

Biggest Fear: For his future and his retention of stardom that won him an Oscar.

Completion of Arc: He chooses to put aside his feud with Dietrich and delivers a stellar performance, but choses to remain in Germany and becomes an instrument of Nazi propaganda.

CHARACTER ARC FOR JOSEF VON STERNBERG:

Part to be changed: His pressure of being a director, while having a relationship with his leading actress and playing referee in the Dietrich-Jannings conflict.

Biggest Fear: Losing control and delivering a movie disaster.

Completion of Arc: Tells his actors to put aside their difference and be partners, completes the film, and takes Marlene Dietrich to Hollywood and international stardom.

[Robert Smith]

[PS80] DAY 6 BOB SMITH’s FAVORITE MOVIE OUTLINE

“What I learned doing this assignment is …? It was great to learn the feel of a great motion picture as it unfolds, this was especially important to me because of my project “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of “The Blue Angel.” “RKO 281” is a good outline to keep in mind in n creating my own outline.

The film I am writing is about the making of the classic film, “The Blue Angel.” So, my film chosen here is also an historical drama, “RKO 281” about the making of “Citizen Kane” and the trials of Orson Welles as he pursued the project.

THE NECESSARY QUESTIONS:

DRAMATIC QUESTION:

For Welles: It is based on controversial journalist William Randolph Hearst who immediately tries to destroy the film at any cost. Welles dramatic question: Can I get this movie done and on the screen.

MAIN CONFLICT:

William Randolph Hearst and Orson Welles.

DILEMMA:

For Welles, it’s either get Hearst and the Hollywood Brass off his back easily by surrendering his film (“Citizen Kane”) for a price, or risk a wider battle by releasing it, which is what he wants to do. Welles knows that “Kane” will be his magnum opus and his defining work.

THEME:

Persistence inspite of fear .of others. Set in Hearst Birthday scene: Welles explains how the bullfighter Manolete said to him “The only enemy of a bullfighter is not the bull, he is the adversary but not the enemy. The real enemy is the matador’s own fear.”

In the Hearst Castle Birthday scene, Hearst reply to that was to tell Welles, “In Hollywood, both the bull and the matador are destroyed.”

OUTLINE OF “RKO 281” by John Logan. It is a fictionalized Historical Drama based on the documentary, “The Battle over Citizen Kane.” As I am writing a story of the making of “The Blue Angel,” RKO 281 is the story that is closest to it genre, i.e., a movie about the making of a classic movie.

OUTLINE

MAIN TITLES.

During the titles:

INT. WELLES’ CHILDHOOD HOME – NIGHT.

It is Welles’ Birthday party. His mother tells young Orson to make a wish and blow out the candles but don’t say the wish and it will come true. Essence: Welles is prone toward magical thinking.

NEWSREEL OF WELLES, THE BOY GENIUS COMING TO HOLLYWOOD. Main Titles continue.

INT. MGM STUDIO SCREENING ROOM – D/N

Louis B. Mayer is watching the newsreel with some ‘yes-men.’ Someone says, “Who the hell does this cocksucker think he is?!”

ESSENCE: Hollywood harbors suspicion about Orson Welles.

INT. HEARST CASTLE, PRIVATE GUEST ROOM – NIGHT

Room shared by Orson Welles and his screenwriter friend, the heavy drinking Herman “Mank” Mankiewicz – who actually is not Hollywood Royalty, he has not writtena screenplay in years and he is burned out by Hollywood. He is at the party primarily through his friendship with Hearsts’ mistress, Marion Davies.

INT. HEARST CASTLE, BALLROOM – NIGHT

A lavish birthday dinner and dance for William Randolph Hearst, newspaper magnate. Hollywood Royalty is present. Welles and Mank sit across from Hearst and Davies and Clark Gable and Carole Lombard. Welles insults Hearst who criticizes bullfighting as cruel, to which Welles retorts that in Spain at least they give animals a fighting chance; unlike with putting them in cages.” A reference to Hearst’s onsite Zoo.

Hearst

Essence, Welles and Hearst square off.

INT. HEARST CASTLE, ROOM OF ORSON WELLES AND MANK – NIGHT

Mank scolds Welles for insulting Hearst. Welles justifies his action because Hearst is hypocritical. Welles is evincing fascination with Hearst.

INT. HEARST LIBRARY – NIGHT.

Mank shows Welles the glass cases filled with newspapers from across the country demonstrating Hearst’s power.

INT. HEARST CASTLE, PRIVATE CHAMBER – NIGHT

Marion Davies has a confessional type relationship with her friend Carole Lombard who is a very discerning person. As in next scene.

INT. HEARST CASTLE, BALLROOM DANCE FLOOR – NIGHT

Mank dances with Marion, Carole with Welles. She says, “I think you are scared of being found out.” Welles is taken aback: She explains, “You’re scared of somebody finding out that you’re really not a genius.”

INT. HEARST CASTLE, ART ROOM – NIGHT

Welles sees Hearst’s art collection objects he had to possess. Another dimension of Hearst’s power.

Welles also sees from a balcony.

INT. HEARST CASTLE, DANCE FLOOR – NIGHT

From Welles point of view we see Hearst dancing with Marion, who is yet another of Hearst’s possessions.

EXT. HEARST CASTLE, THE ZOO –NIGHT.

The animals are not visible but their sounds are audible

INT. HEARST CASTLE, MANK and WELLES’ ROOM – NIGHT

Welles contemplates lying on the bed. We soon find out.

INT. MANK’S HOUSE – DAY

Welles states he will make a film about Hearst.

Mank warns him that it is suicidal because of the power Hearst wields. Then, shares with Welles that he had been taking notes for a novel based on Hearst and has extensive notes about him.’

Welles finds that Hearst had a pet name for Marion’s clitoris, Rosebud.

Mank: That can’t be in any movie, Orson.”

Welles: We’ll find a way.

Welles indicates that this is a gold mine. Why didn’t you write the novel?

Mank: Because I wanted to live.

Mank says, “All that you are reading is nothing compared to the real gold.

Mank tells the story (or rumor) that Hearst shot producer, Thomas Ince thinking he was Charlie Chaplin whom he suspected of having an affair with Marion Davies. Immediately, the Hearst Empire went into high gear. Ince was instantly cremated, Louella Parsons made sure the story never spread and received a lucrative permanent contract with Hearst as a result. Everything was hush-hush.

Mank asks, “Now you see the power he wields. You still want to do a movie about him?

Welles: More than ever.

Essence: Welles is taking on a man who wields dangerous power.

EXT. MANK’S HOUSE, GARDEN – DAY

Welles asks Mank to write the script. Mank refuses, he’s given up on Hollywood.

Welles professes that he cares for Mank and want to see him writing again.

Mank: “You don’t care about me. The only one you care about is yourself.”

INT. HEARST CASTLE, FIREPLACE ROOM – DAY

Marion Davies puts together a jigsaw puzzle on the floor in front of the fireplace – a scene to be captured in “Kane.”

Hearst has bad news that his wife, Millicent Wilson Hearst, will not grant him a divorce so that he can marry Marion.

Her refusal of a divorce is the central frustration of Marion and Hearst’s life together.

EXT. SANDY MOONLIT HILLSIDE – NIGHT

Welles and Mank muse about Marion Davis and how she is yet another possession of Hearst like the animals in his zoo.

Welles: How can that be love?

Mank says, “Well, it’s love on his own terms.”

Welles: Love on his own terms. Those are the only terms a anyone knows.

Mank: That’s the tragedy.

INT. RKO EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY

Studio Chief, George Schaeffer wants Mank to finish the script in 3 weeks.

INT. MANKS HOUSE, DINING ROOM.

Mank says he is in.

INT. SHAEFFER’S OFFICE – DAY

Greenlights Welles’ still-untitled film although he doubts that Mank can write, his reputation is that of an unproductive drunk.

EXT. MANK’S HOUSE, GARDEN – DAY

Mank dictates to a secretary the dialogue that includes love on one’s own terms. A telegram arrives from Welles. Houseman reads it to Mank. It tells Mank to get writing, he has three weeks and stop drinking.

INT. RKO SOUND STAGE – DAY.

Oscar winning cameraman and cinematorgrapher arrives on set with his Oscar.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Welles lunches with Heda Hopper who wants the first scoop on “Kane” everyone believes it’s about Hearst although Welles says it isn’t.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Welles lunches with Louella Parsons (on Hearst’s payroll) he assures her “Kane” is not about Hearst.

INT. MANK’S HOUSE – DAY

John Houseman, Welles, and Mank review the script and struggle with a name. Welles wants to call it “The American” or maybe “Citizen Craig.” BUT Kane sounds better/

INT. SCHAEFFER’S OFFICE – DAY.

Schaeffer names the movie “Citizen Kane.” But informs Welles, the studio would rather have you write and make a movie of Welles’ “War of the World.’ Welles talks Schaeffer into doing “Citizen Kane.” Welles’ own person and destiny is wrapped up in it. Studio brass are concerned about a film about Hearst.

INT. RKO SCREENING ROOM – D/N

Welles reviews western footage.

INT. OFFICE – D/N

Welles reviews story boarding

INT. WELLES HOME, FRONT DOOR – NIGHT

An angry and drunk Mank is angry that his name has been taken off screenplay by line and replaced with “Screenplay b Orson Welles.” Welles claims it’s a typo. Mank claims the script is his. Welles says he has ownership of script and will do whatever he wants with it. Welles asserts his power and ownership. Welles disowns Mank.

INT. RKO SOUNDSTAGE – DAY.

On the set of “Kane.” Welles pleads for patience and support on him as a first time director. Tolland says, “Where do you want the camera?” Which is supportive of Welles.

INT. SOUNDSTAGE.

Filming of Susan Alexander (Kane’s fictitious wife) working on the rug with a jigsaw puzzle, like Marion Davies in real life (a detail only Mank could know). The camera is on a cable on which it zooms in toward Alexander. Camera crashes, Alexander is shaken and so is Greg Tolland.

INT. RKO STUDIO HALLWAY

A messenger runs to Mr. Schaeffer’s exec suite.

INT. EXEC SUITE.

Runner tells Schaeffer that a camera crashed but “Kane” is under budget and moving ahead of schedule. As if that’s a bad thing.

INT WELLES HOUSE, LIVING ROOM. NIGHT

Welles persuades Mank to return to the film even shows that his name has been returned to the byline.

Screenplay by Herman J. Mankiewicz and Orson Welles.

Mank is onboard again which Welles very much wanted to advance the project.

Welles tells the Mank the Drinker that his father was a drunk but he showed me the world. We see more of Welles character and the empathy he draws from Mank.

INT. THE SET, END OF KELECTION NIGHT – DAY

The camera needs to be lower for this face off between Leland (Joseph Cotton) and Kane (Welles).

Welles takes an axe and chops up the floor boards, a hole is dug to place the camera lower so it can fully capture (from this creative angle) this face off of old friends, of Leland disillusioned with Kane whom he had one day idolized. Important line of Leland:

Leland: “You don’t care about anybody. You only care about yourself. You want the people to love you back but love on your own terms

Kane: Those are the only terms anybody knows.

These are important lines from Mank and Welles’ conversations and they are now in the script.

Is Welles himself a type of Hearst or Kane?

Toland tells Welles “It’s a wrap.”

EXT. SOUND STAGE DOOR AND AVENUE – DAY.

In celebration, Welles picks a costumed girl and dances with her through the avenues between sound stages.

INT. OUTSIDE SCREENING ROOM – DAY

Schaeffer called the press to see the rough cut of the film. The film ends, the press pours out of the screening room. Hedda Hopper walks up to Welles and slaps him.

INT. SCREENING ROOM – DAY

Louella Parsons gets a private screening and she is left shocked and angry.

INT. HEARST CASTLE – DAY

Louella delivers the upsetting report about the film. “It’s all about Rosebud.”

Hearst reacts: They did not spare the most intimate secrets of our life.

Hearst castigates Parsons for not finding out more earlier and reporting it. Parsons tells Hearst that she did ask Welles if the film is about Hearst and he promised her it was not.

Hearst and Parsons are now out for blood.

INT. M-G-M, OFFICE OF LOUIS B. MAYER – DAY

Hearst drops by and tells Mayer that the film must be prevented from being released. If that can’t be done. In a thinly veiled anti-Semitic thread, Hearst is willing to lash against all the Jewish Executives.

INT. SCHAEFFER’S OFFICE – DAY.

Parsons now attacks Schaeffer to not release the film. Schaeffer says he wants to talk to Hearst. Parsons says, You are talking to Hearst, in her person Hearst is represented..

INT. HEARST CASTLE – DAY

Hearst reveals to Marion Davies that they are 125 million dollars in debt. Hearst estate is evaporating just like Kane’s at the end of the film.

INT. MUSIC STUDIO – DAY

Bernard Hermann is conducting the score for “Citizen Kane.”

Mank reports that in a Hearst paper and editorial appeared asking, Why can’t Hollywood be run by “real Americans.” Mank interprets that as code for Jews and maybe they should not release the film because Hearst is strong enough to do something against us Jews.

Hearst is mustering all forces to stop “Citizen Kane” and using others to do the dirty work.

INT. L. B. MAYER’S OFFICE – DAY.

Present: All studio heads except Schaeffer Plan to buy original negative and all prints of “Kane” to prevent its release.

INT. SCHAEFFER’S OFFICE –DAY

Schaeffer tells Welles, take the money and surrender the film. Welles refuses telling Schaeffer he is soul-less. Schaeffer says Welles is soul-less because he has no regard for how his film is affecting people and the life of the studio.

INT. HEARST CASTLE –DAY

Hearst tells Marion Davies that they are broke.

A drunk Davies tells Hearst that he didn’t have to spend all his money on art works.

Hearst. I wanted them

Davies: There is a difference between ‘want’ and ‘need.’

Hearst: Not to me.

Hearst castigates Davies for being crude,

Davies insultingly addresses Hearst as “Kane.”

Hearst: Just remember this: I could have beeena great man but I wasn’t.

INT. HEARST CASTLE – DAY

Carol Lombard and Marion Davies commiserate. She too wanted to be a star but never got there.

INT. HEARST CASTLE, A LIVING ROOM – NIGHT.

Hearst got a print of “Kane.” Shuts it off before it ends.

Hearst in a way is at his end while still alive although in the film, Kane is dead.

INT. HEARST CASTLE, A CHAMBER – DAY

Like Susan Alexander in “Kane” Marion Davies is packing a bag to leave. However.

INT. JEWELRY STORE – DAY.

She is selling her jewelry. Worth over 800K.

INT. HEARST CASTLE, CHAMBER – NIGHT

Davies reveals that she has sold her jewels.

INT. OFFICE OF L B MAYER – DAY

Blackmail file arrives from Louella. Sex scandals etc. With photos of Hollywood people in

Compromising circumstances. Mayer feels he must act now to stop “Kane.”

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Mank, Toland, and Welles are out to dinner and drinks. Schaeffer says he needs the film it must

not see the light of day. Welles makes a scene overturning a table. “Take everything, George.” Then apologizes for his reaction. Welles asks to go to New York with George to convince the stock holders that “Kane” must be released.

INT. HOTEL ROOM OF ORSON WELLES – DAY.

A newspaper with headline about Hitler invading Czechoslovakia. Welles muses on the times

and his speech to the stockholders. He shuffles cards calling for the Ace of Spades, but it doesn’t

come up. His magical thinking that he learned as a child.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, STOCKHOLDERS MEETING – DAY

Welles cautions that the film “Kane” is important. It sends a message about powerhungry. A message that is needed in the current time with a powerhungry Nazi on the march.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

Schaeffer emerges and says, your film will be released on May 1^st. You persuaded them with your speech, but did you mean it?

Welles answers, “Does it matter?”

Schaeffer says, “Yes!”

Welles says he meant it.

INT. HEARST CASTLE – CHAMBER – DAY.

Davies tells Hearst to unload the art, once and for all, just “Let go.”

Hearst’s vast wealth evaporates before him as does Kane’s at the end of the film.

INT. HEARST CASTLE – DAY

Hearst walks the halls that are now bare of all art and furnishings jjust like Kane’s palace of Xanadu in “Kane.”

INT. NEW YORK HOTEL OR OFFICE BUILDING – DAY

Welles and Hearst step onto the same elevator.

Welles offers tickets to Hearst to attend the premiere of “Citizen Kane” Hearst declines. He asks Welles to sum up his movie in a sentences. Welles is planning a life of Christ movie and quotes, What profit is there if a man gains the whole world but loses his own soul.” Hearst says his battles are now over but Welles’ battles have just begun.

As Hearst exits the elevator, Welles shouts to him, “Kane would have taken the tickets!”

INT. LOBBY OF A PALATIAL MOVIE THEATRE – NIGHT

It is the premiere of “Citizen Kane.” Mank jokes to passersby in the lobby, “Rosebud is the sled.”

Schaeffer shows up and tells Mank and Welles that RKO fired him.

INT. BAR NIGHT.

Welles and Mank having a drink. “We did it!’ Welles talks of future projects. Then, wonders if he might burn out.

Mank: All stars burn out, the important thing is the flame.

They toast: “To the flame.’

INT, PALATIAL MOVIE THEATRE – NIGHT.

The curtain is pulled back to reveal the opening titles of “Citizen Kane.”

END TITLES OF “RKO 281”

That Welles went on to other projects; “The Magnificent Ambersons,” “Touch of Evil.”

“Citizen Kane” opened to critical acclaim but Box Office indifference.

‘Citizen Kane is considered by many to be the greatest motion picture ever made.’

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

[PS80] DAY 5 BOB SMITH’s BASIC STRUCTURE.

“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is …?” The importance of working from a clear well constructed outline following a definite formula and template.

1. CONCEPT IN A LOGLINE:

Working title: “’Moths Around a Flame’: he Making of The Blue Angel’.”

LOGLINE: Amid the decadence of Weimar Berlin, a prominent film director’s (Josef von Sternberg) grooming of an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) for superstardom becomes an adulterous affair that parallels the story of the erotic thriller they are filming (“The Blue Angel”) in which a professsor’s infatuation with a Cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin, plus, the lives of the actors have trajectories that seem to be life imitating art in their resulting feuds, choices, and fates.

2. PRESENT YOUR STORY SHOWING EACH PART OF THE 9-BEAT STRUCTUE: r

1. OPENING: July 1945, Post-war Berlin: Out of the rubble the figure of a man emerges brandishing an Oscar statuette, he shouts at the US Troop installation before him, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I have won an Oscar!” US troops take him into custody and discover that he is the German actor, Emil Jannings, first Best Actor Oscar winner for ‘The Last Command’ and famous also for his performance in “The Blue Angel” although some of the soldiers say they don’t remember him, but they remember Marlene Dietrich as the star. Jannings grumbles, “I was the star! What you remember is Miss Dietrich’s legs!” They ask what happened to him since then, he indicates that he was “Artist of the State” under the Nazis. The US Commander says that he will have to undergo denazification. But he continues to tell his story which goes back to what happened during the filming of the erotic thriller, “The Blue Angel,” based on the Novel, “Professor Unrat” by Heinrich Mann.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: Marlene Dietrich, an unknown, auditions for the part of the Cabaret show girl, Lola Lola. Josef von Sternberg, the Director, screens her audition for the studio executives and Emil Jannings, and says he will cast her in the role of the Cabaret showgirl Lola Lola, who is the love interest of Professor Rath (played by Jannings) whose infatuation with her leads to his ruination. Von Sternberg’s choice is met with opposition from everyone involved in the production who were hoping for an established actress in the part. But von Sternberg insists that he will work with no other actress but Dietrich. He says she is a novice and he will coach her for the part and the stardom he believes can be hers. Jannings says, “But remember, I am the star of this film.”

3. BY PAGE 10: Von Sternberg is spending an inordinate amount of time with Dietrich in coaching her for the role and grooming her for stardom. He tells Dietrich to lose weight. She invites him to the Sabri Mahir Boxing Studio, where she keeps in shape and can get into the better shape von Sternberg desires with intensive boxing exercises under Mahir, her trainer. She introduces von Sternberg to Mahir and also her friend Carola Neher, also a boxer, and now a cast member of Berthold Brecht’s “Three Penny Opera.” She invites Carola to a boxing match and knocks her out with her lethal right hook which impresses von Sternberg. She then invites Carola to join her and von Sternberg for a visit to “the Berlin of Lola Lola” where they can meet the “Einstein of Sex” Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, a sexologist.

4. FIRST TURNING POINT IN ACT ONE: At the Club Silhouette, Carola, Marlene and von Sternberg meet Dr. Hirschfeld who advocates for gay rights and greater freedom in matters of sex. While Dietrich sits on von Sternberg’s lap, in a moment to be reenacted in The film “Morocco,” Marlene Dietrich reaches over and kisses Carola Neher which makes Dietrich the more attractive to von Sternberg. Marlene orders champagne for everybody in the club in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel.” However, the celebration is cut short. A group of Nazis marching in the street hurl rocks through the windows of the Club Silhouette. Hirshfeld remarks, “If those Nazis take over, it will be all over for homosexuals and for Jews. And I am both!” Von Sternberg says, “They will take over the movie business, too. Well, there is work in Hollywood, (to Marlene, he says) “After ‘Blue Angel,’ that’s where I am taking you.”

5. MIDPOINT: Von Sternberg’s wife (Riva Royce) confronts him about his relationship with Marlene Dietrich. She says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He replies, “I’d sooner share a telephone booth with a cobra.”

6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Emil Jannings and novelist,

Heinrich Mann watch some dailies. Mann complains that the whole story of his novel

(Professor Unrat) on which “The Blue Angel is based, is subverted by Miss Dietrich’s

legs. Emil Jannings agrees and they go to complain directly to von Sternberg,

Jannings particularly harboring the grievance that he is upstaged by Dietrich while he

is the star. And that all his (von Sternberg’s direction is honed in on Dietrich while he

feels that their collaborative spirit that they had in earlier films has eroded. Von

Sternberg explains that he (Jannings) is the mature actor and Dietrich needs the

attention.

Jannings pays a visit to Alfred Hugenberg, the studio chief, and states his anxiety about

his future. Jannings is convinced that he has no future in Hollywood because, he has

found out the hard way that his German accent is not working for “talkies.”

Hugenberg is a supporter of the Nazis and says to Jannings that he has a

future in Germany when the Nazis take over. He tells him that he knows Goebbels is an

admirer.

7. CRISIS: In one scene, Jannings’ character is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s character. Jannings over acts it and actually strangles Dietrich, bruising her. She says to von Sternberg, “I played along for the sake of the scene but I could have decked him with my right hook. Next time he tries it, that’s what I’ll do!” She spews her thoughts that she has kept to herself throughout the film, e.g., that Jannings is a sullen egotistical fool and an over-acting ham.

Von Sternberg says to both Dietrich and Jannings, “’The Blue Angel is about to wrap.

He need actors who see each other as partners to make a work of art and now put on

the finishing touches.”

8. CLIMAX: The final scenes are filmed: Marlene singing her singnature song, “Falling in Love Again,” which includes title line: “Men cluster to me like Moths around a flame. And if their wings are burned, I know I’m not to blame.”

Jannings then enacts the tragic end of the Professor, as he dies clinging to his desk in his old class room.

9. Closing Title Cards:

Josef von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich went to Hollywood and for the next decade created many acclaimed motion pictures.

Emil Jannings after 1945 underwent denazification. He would never act again and died in 1950 at age 65..

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• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Misspelling

[Robert Smith]

[PS80] DAY 4 BOB SMITH’s NECESSARY QUESTIONS

“What I’ve learned doing this assignment…? The importance of reducing to one sentence the primary areas of a story to one sentence.

1. List your answer for each of these areas for your story.

a. CONCEPT:

Working Title: “Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’” Amid the ‘decadence’ of Weimar Berlin, prominent film director Josef von Sternberg’s grooming of Marlene Dietrich for stardom becomes an affair that parallels the story of the erotic thriller they are filming (“The Blue Angel”) in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin, plus, the lives of the actors have trajectories that seem to be life imitating art in their resulting feuds, choices, and fates.

b. DRAMATIC QUESTION:

Will the making of “The Blue Angel” make or break the actors and film maker?

c. MAIN CONFLICT:

Can Marlene Dietrich and Emil Jannings work together to make a great film in spite of their angry feud in which the director (Josef von Sternberg) is the referee?

d. DILEMMA:

The film must be successfully completed but to do so, the star-to-be (Dietrich)and

the star (Jannings) must get over their rivalry and support each other in a win/win

for themselves.

5. THEME:

Choices and judgements have a far-reaching impact.

[Robert Smith]

[PS80] BOB SMITH’s DRAMATIC PLOTS 2

“What I learned doing this this assignment is … ? The variety of plots and how some plots overlap as I discovered with TRANSFORMATION and WRETCHED EXCESS. I learned there are many angles with which to regard a concept.

2. My original concept:

Working Title: “Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

Amid the ‘decadence’ of Weimar Berlin, prominent film director Josef von Sternberg’s grooming of Marlene Dietrich for stardom becomes an affair that parallels the story of the erotic thriller they are filming (“The Blue Angel”) in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin, plus, the lives of the actors have trajectories that seem to be life imitating art in their resulting feuds, choices, and fates. (Slightly modified in italics.)

3. Tell the name of the plot selection and write a logline for each one:

From today’s choices, I have selected TRANSFORMATION and WRETCHED EXCESS. They are unique to Marlene Dietrich (Transformation) and Emil Jannings (Wretched Excess).

Loglines:

TRANSFORMATION: During pre-production, with the partnership and grooming of director, Josef von Sternberg, Marlene Dietrich emerges from being an un unknown into stardom for her role as the showgirl Lola-Lola in the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” but not without a feud with the film’s starring actor (Emil Jannings).

WRETCHED EXCESS: The proud Oscar winning actor (Emil Jannings) is cast by his friend, the great director Josef von Sternberg as the lead in the erotic thriller, “The Blue Angel” but he is angered by how von Sternberg has him upstaged by Marlene Dietrich in a manner that dethrones him as the star of the film.

The plot I will use for the outlining module is from yesterday: UNDERDOG

Both Marlene and Jannings see themselves as superior and as underdog: Marlene is the novice who needs to be trained for stardom by von Sternberg but von Sternberg’s attention to grooming Dietrich for stardom is seen by Jannings as a loss of superiority as the star actor in “The Blue Angel.” Jannings grieves the loss of von Sternberg’s partnership as he showers Dietrich with attention and develops a partnership with her. Jannings complains to von Sternberg who tells him that it is Marlene who needs the attention, she is the novice, whereas you (Jannings) are an established actor and the star. Jannings complains to von Sternberg about his provocative shots of Dietrich’s legs. Von Sternberg says such shots are necessary to reveal Lola Lola’s showgirl character and why the schoolboys and the Professor are attracted to her. Jannings resorts to harassment of Dietrich (who regards Jannings as a bore and a ham. In the end they come out even, Dietrich with her famous song (“Falling in Love again”) and Jannings with his brilliant scene as the professor when he dies in destitution – a scene with an uncanny similarity to Jannings’ end as a person and actor: A disgraced Nazi favorite facing denazification and the end of an acting career whereas von Sternberg and Dietrich partner in Hollywood with many more movies plus her refusal to return to Nazi Germany, her becoming a US citizen and entertaining troops as they fight the German Army.

[Robert Smith]

[PS80] BOB SMITH’s DRAMATIC PLOTS.

“What I learned doing this is …?” The importance of examining plots in order to pull an outline together and build a story.

ASSIGNMENTS

1. Looking through the 10 plots above, select two that could possibly work for your story.

1. RIVALRY 2. UNDERDOG.

2. Paragraph on RIVALRY..

Marlene Dietrich is a support player, albeit, the lead support player as Lola Lola the love interest of Emil Jannings’ Professor Rath. But Jannings, the star of the film feels that von Sternberg’s obsession with Marlene in order to elevate her to stardom, is upstaging him. In other words, they are equally matched which intrudes upon Jannings’ creative partnership with von Sternberg. In Jannings mind it has gone further, Jannings does not want Marlene to outshine his stardom. The final confrontation are the last two scenes of “The Blue Angel.” Marlene shines with the song, “Falling in Love Again,” and Jannings shines in his dying scene as the dejected professor, his life over because of his obsession with Lola Lola.

3. Paragraph on UNDERDOG.

Both Marlene and Jannings see themselves as superior and as underdog: Marlene is the novice who needs to be trained for stardom by von Sternberg but von Sternberg’s attention to grooming her for stardom is seen by Jannings as a loss of his superiority as the star actor in “The Blue Angel.” He grieves the loss of von Sternberg’s partnership with him as he showers Marlene with attention and develops a partnership with her. Jannings complains to von Sternberg who tells him that it is Marlene who needs the attention, she is the novice, whereas you (Jannings) are an established actor and the star. Jannings complains to von Sternberg about his provocative shots of Marlene. Von Sternberg says such shots are necessary to reveal Lola Lola’s showgirl character and why the schoolboys and the Professor are attracted to her. Jannings resorts to harassment of Marlene (who regards Janings as a bore and a ham. In the end they come out even, Marlene with her famous song (“Falling in Love again”) and Jannings with his brilliant scene as the professor when he dies – a scene with an uncanny similarity to Jannings’ end as a person and actor: A disgraced ex-Nazi favorite facing denazification and the end of an acting career whereas von Steernberg and Dietrich partner in Hollywood with many more movies plus her refusal to return to Nazi Germany and becoming a US citizen who entertainis the troops as they march against the German army.

[Robert Smith]

[PS80] BOB SMITH’S CHARACTER STRUCTURE

“What I learned doing this assignment is …? That character structure is the key to developing a character-driven story for the screen.

1. LIST THE CONCEPT:

Working Title: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”

Amid the ‘decadence’ of Weimar Berlin, prominent film director Josef von Sternberg’s grooming of Marlene Dietrich for stardom becomes an affair that parallels the story of the erotic thriller they are filming (“The Blue Angel”) in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin.

2. LIST THE CHARACTER STRUCTURE I CHOOSE FOR MY STORY:

Dramatic Triangle.

2. CHARACTERS IN ONE SENTENCE:

JOSEF von STERNBERG is a prominent film director whose obsessive enamorment of his discovery (then-unknown Marlene Dietrich) not only strains his marriage but alienates his long-time partner, the star of “The Blue Angel,” Emil Janning, an Oscar Winner.

MARLENE DIETRICH is the unknown actress that von Sternberg casts in the role of the cabaret showgirl (Lola Lola) who is the love interest of Professor Rath (Jannings), in the movie.

EMIL JANNINGS is the Oscar-winning actor cast in the role of Professor Rath in “The Blue Angel” who is stewing in resentment that even though he is the star of the film he has been upstaged by Dietrich at the direction of his long-time friend and partner, von Sternberg.

3. IN ONE OR TWO PARAGRAPHS, TELL US HOW YOU SEE THE CHARACTER STRUCTURE PLAYING OUT THE STORY.

In 1945, in the rubble of Berlin, EMIL JANNINGS, waving his Oscar at US Army soldiers, shouts, “Don’t shoot! I have won an Oscar.” He is taken into custody, and is recognized as the first actor to win Best Actor for his role in “The Last Command” under the direction of his friend and creative partner Josef von Sternberg. He is asked what happened to him that he faded from view and he tells the story, of how he had no future in American “talkies” because he had a German accent. So he returned to Germany with his friend von Sternberg to film Germany’s first “talkie” in German and English, namely, “The Blue Angel,” of which he was the star. (One soldier says, “I only remember Marlene Dietrich.” Jannings: “You mean, you only remember her legs!” The story unfolds from there.

It’s 1929, VON STERNBERG casts his friend, EMIL JANNINGS in the lead role in his next film, “The Blue Angel” as the professor whose infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin. However, against the wishes of studio executives and Jannings, von Sternberg discovers an unknown that he casts (MARLENE DIETRICH), as the professor’s showgirl love interest (Lola Lola). Von Sternberg’s grooming her for stardom grows into an affair and a creative partnership that rivals the von Sternberg-Jannings partnership which only angers Jannings, as he feels dethroned even though he is still the star of the film. Dietrich introduces von Sternberg to the sexual revolution taking place in the Blue Angel-type cabaret culture of Berlin. She introduces him to gay rights advocate Dr. MAGNUS HIRSCHFELD (“the Einstein of Sex”) at a Cabaret and in a scene later to be recreated in the von Sternberg-Dietrich film ‘Morocco” Dietrich kisses another woman. Von Sternberg finds Dietrich’s bi-sexuality attractive. Dietrich buys champagne for everyone in the cabaret to celebrate her being cast as Lola Lola. The cabaret is then vandalized by demonstrating Nazis in the street. Jannings anger at von Sternberg and Dietrich negatively impacts the production and the relations of Jannings with von Sternberg and Dietrich. Jannings complains to the pro-Nazi UFA studio chief (ALFRED HUGENBERG) who counsels Jannings to finish the film, then, stay in Germany where he will thrive as an actor under Nazi rule. After “The Blue Angel” wraps, Von Sternberg returns to Hollywood with Dietrich and they collaborate on several major acclaimed motion pictures. Dietrich refuses to return to Nazi Germany and becomes an American citizen while Jannings ends up a darling of the Nazis but then, like the Professor he portrayed in “The Blue Angel,” he is a ruined man facing de-nazification and disgrace. He would never act again..

[Robert Smith]

1. Robert R. “Bob” SmithYour name.

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Robert Smith]

It was a fabulous teleconference and I learned so many things. What stands out for me is that it is important to turn in all assignments, however bad. Hemmingway said, “To be a writer you have to be willing to write shit.” But that is the way to go. Also, that door to Hollywood is closed is a myth. There is trust and honesty. I very much appreciate learning that the approach is mutual support as a way to help each other grow as writers in acquiring each of the skill sets. Seek to learn not to be perfect, is a wonderful approach. As is the Kaizen idea of constant improvement.

[Robert Smith]

1. Robert R. Smith.

“I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith

As a member of this group, I agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Cheryl,

I am Robert R. Smith. “Bob.” I am a retired Episcopal Priest. My avocation has been in theatre arts, which I have often used in my active active ministry, i.e., “comedy sketches as sermons.” I have written numerous one act plays and comedy sketches for a local improv and sketch comedy group of which I am a member. I have been an extra in several movies and one TV show (“Ed” on CBS) and i portrayed a “Badass retired detective” in a short film project. Recently, I have written and performed as a Zoom Production, my first full length stage play comedy, “Angels in Gangland,” which was well received by all who saw it. “Angels” is a story about gangsters but it is ultimately a story of redemption and hope. I have begun developing it into a screenplay.

Nutshell: Think “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life” with a Jewish twist.

LOGLINE: A slain gangster can only get into the World to Come if he does a supreme act of good to make up for his life of crime, which is, he must convince the wiseguy who “whacked” him to do as he should have done, namely, quit the mob, turn state’s evidence, and enter the Witness Protection Program.

Bottom line as a writer: I have ZERO screenplay scripts.

Of my goals for the Pro Series: Use the skills I can learn in the Pro Series to further develop and complete “Angels in Gangland” as a screenplay, in addition to a possible second script in the Horror genre that I began to outline in the Terrifying Horror Scripts class.

My other goals in this course is to use the skills I acquire to develop my writing abilities, and sell the scripts I write from the page to the screen. I love movies and I want to be a screenwriter. I look forward to the supportive and collegial relations that I can form in this program in which we assist each other and not crush one another, as Hal explained. I have experienced writers block and what it’s like to be shut down.

[Robert Smith]

RobertRSmith’s Scares, releases, creepy moments.

Film Title: THE TOREPH.

What I learned doing this assignment is …….?

Film Title: THE TOREPH.

About the title: Toreph is singular of Teraphim, “Household gods” found in the Hebrew Bible (aka, Old Testament): Most notably, Genesis 31:19; I Am 19:13; Judges 17:5; 18:14; Zech 10:2. They were the mummified heads in the ancient Near East that were used for necromancy and divination after a gold plate with the engraved name of a demon was inserted into its mouth. The word “toreph” is also said to mean “filth.”

ASSIGNMENT

.A scene that uses scares, releases, and creepy moments.

OUTLINE: I have all these moments in many scenes already but two scenes, which I now make as one.

Kaitlyn was abused as a child by her Uncle Archie who has died. But when Ned thinks up he nickname Katydid for Kaitlyn, she tells him that her abusing uncle called her “Katydid” and she steal becomes nauseated at the word. Later, Kendrick gets a text message on his phone that is a mesage to Kaitlyn in which he calls her Katydid. Kendrick could have had no way of knowing. It sends Kaitlyn into hysterics and projectile vomits. She says she hopes he is in hell. Later dr. Kendrick receives a text message sent by Archie with a message

Backstory: Because of all the unsettling things about the archaeological site known as “Tel Esh-Shaytaneen “Hill of the Two Devils.” Ned suggested it would be good for Kendrick to share them with those going on the expedition to give them a chance to decline going on the trip. This explanation could have intercuts with footage from Act 1 with all the scares and creepy things repeated.

This amounts to Kendingrick repeating the story of the first act of the film with visual repetition of the scary scenes of scares, releases, and creepy moments.

1. The death of Hussein.

2. The Azazel nameplate that seems to have a buzzing about it..

Scary/creepy moments. The ancient gold nameplate with the name of the demon Azazel on it, seems to have a mind of its own.

Releases: The logic wth which the evidence of a supernatural danger (a monster) is denied. But it is a false release because it is denial which only makes the monster Toreph even more horrible, which follows in the next half of the second act.

T H E S C E N E

INT. BUCKRIDGE UNIVERSITY FACULTY BUILDING HALLWAY OUTSIDE KENDRICK’S OFFICE– DAY

NED GARNER and his girlfriend, KAITLYN RANDOLPH are walking down the hallway to Dr. Colin Kendrick’s office where Kendrick will meet with them and Bob Barton about the strange goings on connected to the ‘dig season’ at the Negev archaeological site known as Tel Esh-Shaytaneen, translated, “Hill of the Two Devils.” Ned, Kaitlyn, and Bob are Kendrick’s principal graduate archaeology students who form the leadership of the expedition. .

NED

Glad you can come, Kaitlyn. I think everybodyneeds to know from Kendrick some unsettling things about Tel Esh-Shaytaneen. I suggested he call this meeting. Katydid.

KAITLYN

Why did you call me that?

NED

I just thought up Katydid as a pet nickname for you.

Kaitlyn is visibly shaken.

NED (CONT’D)

What’s wrong?

KAITLYN

(this is difficult to say)

That word is what my uncle used to

call me.

NED

That uncle?

KAITLYN

Yes. That uncle! Even after all these years in therapy, that word still makes me sick.

NED

I didn’t know. I will never say it again.

KAITLYN

I know you didn’t. For all he did to me, I hope

Uncle Archie is in hell.

INT. DR. KENDRICK’S OFFICE – DAY.

Ned, Kaitlyn, and Bob are seated at a meeting table. Kendrick joins them and sits himself.

INTERCUTS: Between footage of Act 1 action that Kendrick narrates in his lines below.

KENDRICK

I am glad to see you are all here. Ned told me that .before we go on this expedition, I should tell you about certain strange things about Tel Esh-Shaytaneen before we leave on our expedition and see if you still want to go? It all began with this gold nameplate.

Kendrick gently places his cellphone and the gold nameplate on the table and the nameplate seems to take a slight bounce, as if it has a mind of its own.

KENDRICK (CONT’D)

The name on the plate is written in Paleo-Hebrew. It is the name of the desert demon Azazel. One of the leaders of the fallen angels in the Book of Enoch.

BOB

Tel Esh-Shytaneen. Hill of the Two Devils. Azazel must be one of the two devils.

KENDRICK

Makes sense.

BOB

Who is the designated Devil Number Two?

KENDRICK

Maybe we’ll find out when we dig. What I need to

tell you is that, this Azazel nameplate was brought

to me by two Bedouin goat-herders from the town

of Hura. One of them died when they took me to the place where they found it in the sand at the bottom of the hill.

I looked up the slope of the hill and saw a cave which I presumed was a tomb. It had been sealed up with stones by the French expedition in 2006. They left a sign warning against entering the cave because it was in danger of collapse. The sign was left by Dr. Clement Leroux the leader of the French expedition. I spoke by phone with Dr. Leroux in his Paris Office. He told me he threw away the gold Azazel nameplate. It remained in the sand until Hassan and Hussein discovered it last year. Leroux said that now he wishes he had destroyed it so no one would ever find it. Then, he begged me to destroy it. He described how two of his colleagues on his expedition had died mysteriously, perhaps murdered and that he has been treated for P-T-S-D ever since. He advised me to cancel the expedition. Now, all that considered. Before you tell me if you think I should cancel the expedition or you decide to decline joining me. Let me tell why I think this will be an important expedition: According to the Pirke de Rabbi Eleazar,
the teraphim, or household gods in Biblical times were mummified heads,
gold nameplates with demonic names, like this, were –it is said –
inserted under the tongues of these heads so that the skulls would speak
to necromancers. I believe our expedition would confirm this cultic
use of skulls as found in the Pirke de Rabbi Eliezer. It would be a
major discovery for Biblical and Near Eastern archaeology and may
explain the real use of the Neolithic skulls discovered by Kenyon at
Jericho. Either way. I believe we will make a major discovery in
Biblical and Near Eastern Archaeology. Do you still want to join me in a dig at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen? Ned?

NED

Whatever misfortunes had occurred doesn’t mean they would happen again. I see no reason to cancel an expedition that could yield such an important find. As for the occult aspects attached to the dig: Let’s remember, there was no curse on the tomb of King Tut, The curse was invented by the press to sell newspapers. Moreover, I have studied the Egyptian magical papyri, it’s not so spooky after all, in fact, they are quite pedestrian. Count me in.

KAITLYN.

Me too.

BOB

Same here.

Kendrick picks up his cellphone, he has received a text message. He reads it and then turns toward Kaitlyn.

KENDRICK

This is strange. I have a text which is a message for you,

Kaitlyn: “Tell Kaitlyn, her uncle Archiesays, “Hello, Katydid. I can’t wait for you to join me where I am now.”

Kaitlyn screams, freaks out, and dashes out of the office. Her face is ashen.

Ned follows her. Then, Bob follows.

INT. BUCKRIDGE UNIVERSITY FACULTY BUILDING HALLWAY OUTSIDE KENDRICK’S OFFICE– DAY

Kaitlyn is bent over. She projectile vomits on the floor and recovers enough to say: .

KAITLYN

Did you do that?

NED

You could see. I didn’t even have my phone on the table.

KAITLYN

You could have dialed up everything on yourphone, in your pocket.

NED

Well, why would I want to do something like

that and hurt you? I didn’t do it. I love you.

KAITLYN

Maybe Kendrick did it.

NED

He never touched his cell phone.

KAITLYN

Maybe he ad-libbed the text message right there.First he tells us spooky stories then he makes up this horrible message. .

NED

He would have to know about your uncle and our conversation.

KAITLYN

The halls echo. Maybe he heard us through the air vent above his door.

NED

Even if he did hear us, Kendrick wouldn’t do a thing like that.

Kendrick enters the hallway.

KENDRICK

Do you need the campus physician?

KAITLYN

Thank you, Doctor Kendrick. It’d just indigestion. I’ll clean this

up.

KENDRICK

Nonsense. You go rest. I’ll call the custodian..

NED

Thank you, Doctor Kendrick.

BOB

(to Kendrick)

Just one question, Doctor Kendrick.

KENDRICK

Yes, Bob.

BOB

Do you keep your cellphone in the same pocketas the Azazel nameplate?

.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, communications, lessons, and models of the 30 Day Screenplay confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, communications, lessons, and models of the 30 Day Screenplay available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for The 30 Day Screenplay class.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith’s Level 3 Horror Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment …? I learned how to build closing scenes into memorable horror.

Film: “The Toreph”

About the title: Toreph is singular of Teraphim, “Household gods” found in the Hebrew Bible (aka, Old Testament): Most notably, Genesis 31:19; I Am 19:13; Judges 17:5; 18:14; Zech 10:2. They were the mummified heads in the ancient Near East that were used for necromancy and divination after a gold plate with the engraved name of a demon was inserted into its mouth. The word “toreph” is also said to mean “filth.”

A scene using Level 3 Horror emotions of Anguish, Panic, Horror, and Hysteria.

Brainstorm what to do with the mummified head? Return it to the sarcophagus of the headless mummy of Cushan.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORRORC

INT. CAVE/TOMB OF CUSHAN –DAY (CONTINUOUS)

.

It proves to be true, that if you approach the Toreph with no weapon, you can pass through the invisible barrier

..

Ned grabs the Toreph skull and pulls the Azazel nameplate out of his mouth. The demon Azazel no longer possesses the skull, all the invisible barriers he erected are eliminated.

KAITLYN

You did it! The skull is no longer possessed.

NED

Or, gone to possess someplace or someone else.

KAITLYN

(wryly)

Pleasant thought..

Kaitlyn and Barton don’t notice as Ned pockets the Azazel nameplate.

BOB

What should we do with the skull?

KAITLYN

Well, it is the skull of King Cushan, I think we should

return it to the sarcophagus.

NED / BOB

Agree.

Ned, carrying the skull, leads Kaitlyn and Bob Barton down the corridor to the clay anthropoid sarcophagus of Cushan. Bob opens the lid, Ned places the skull near the top of the headless mummy and Bob closes the lid. Ned, Kaitlyn, and Bob turn and walk toward the cave/tomb entrance.

NED

I think I know why the place is called Hill of the Two Devils.

KAITLYN

Why?

NED

Because two devils are here. Azazel and

Cushan the Doubly-Evil.

KAITLYN

Makes sense to me.

BOB

Me too.

NED

I bet that when Cushan was alive. He was aquainted with Azazel, probably through some spirit medium.

KAITLYN

Could be. .

Then, the sarcophagus explodes in back of them.

Kaitlyn, Ned, and Bob scream

The mummy of Cushan, now with his head rejoined to the body at the neck bursts through the sarcophagus and starts to limp on his 3.000 year old legs, meanacingly, toward Ned, Kaitlyn, and Bob.

BOB

What the F*ck!

AZAZEL / CUSHAN

This is not a game of chess.

Ned picks up the shepherd’s staff of Hassan.

NED

Oh, yes, it is. Royal Fork.

He plunges the shepherd staff into the mummy but it breaks.

Bob pulls out his pistol and fires at the mummy but it keeps approaching.

NED

We have no time for hysterics.

Let’s get out of here.

Ned, Kaitlyn, and Bob turn and run down the corridor and out of the entrance of the cave/tomb following Ned. .

EXT. CAVE/TOMB ENTRANCE – DAY.

Ned, Kaitlyn, and Bob exit from the cave/tomb. Above the cave/tomb entrance is a boulder.

NED

C’mon, Bob! Let’s smash this mother-f*cking devil..

Ned and Bob climb up around the entrance to the boulder above the cave/tomb entrance. Ned is there first and offers a hand to Bob to help him cave/tomb to the boulder.

EXT. CAVE/TOMB ENTRANCE – DAY.

Ned looks down to the ground at Kaitlyn – Ned’s P.C.V..

Kaitlyn climbs up to joins them.

KAITLYN

I thought you were an evolved man, Ned. What makes you think I

can’t join you and Bob to crush the mother-f*cker?

Kaitlyn extends her hand, Ned grasps Kaitlyn’s hand and pulls her up to stand with him and Bob

NED

Nothing! Now let’s be quiet.

Ned kneels behand the boulder with his hands on it, ready to push and strike. . Bob and Kaitlyn join him.

EXT. ABOVE THE CAVE/TOMB ENTRANCE – DAY (Continuing)

We see the top of the cave/tomb entrance from the P.O.V of Ned, Kaitlyn and Bob. For a painful several beats, the mummy makes no appearance.

KAITLYN

He’s not coming out.

NED

He’s coming.

Cushan / Azazel limps into the frame as he comes out of the cave.

NED

NOWWWWW!

Ned, Kaitlyn, and Bob push the boulder over the top of the entrance and on to the mummy of Cushan the Doubly-Evil. It strikes the mummy at the back and neck and crushes him.

Bob and Kaitlyn, slide down the sides of the hill next to the cave entrance.

Kaitlyn looks up.

We did it! C’mon down.

Bob slides down the side of the hill next to the cave entrance.

BOB

No, Ned did it! Killer instinct!

NED

A Royal Fork.

Although crushed. Azazel still speaks.

AZAZEL

(to Ned)

You’re wrong. You’re mine.

(gesturing a curse)

Fork you.

The hill collapses into the cave. Taking Ned with it.

Kaitlyn and Bob run down hill, to get out of the way and not get caught in this seismic event. When the cave-in ends. They run back. Kaitlynis especially anguished. They see Ned’s body partially covered with smaller rocks.

Ned opens his eyes and glares ahead.

KAITLYN

Thank God, you’re alive.

Kaitlyn and Bob remove the debris away from Ned.

BOB

Can you get up?

Ned extends his hand and both Kaitlyn and Bob help him to his feet.

Kaitlyn and Ned embrace. Abruptly, Kaitlyn pulls away from Ned..

NED

Let’s get the diggers to excavate.

BOB

Are you outta your mind?! We should level this place and make it a parking lot or something.

NED

We have to recover the bodies of Hassan and Kendrick. And we should pull out what’s left of the sarcophagus and return the mummy to it.

BOB

We just escaped with our lives and you want to dig back into this Hill of the Two Devils.

KAITLYN

Why are you so obsessed with this place?

NED

If we don’t, we’ll be the laughing stock of all archaeologists. And

And the only artefact we have is this.

Ned takes the Azazel nameplate out of his pocket and holds it up.

KAITLYN

That’s the key to all the evil and destruction

from the start. We should destroy it completely just as Dr.Leroux

said we should.

NED

And lose an artefact of ancient knowledge?
No way! I’m in charge of this expedition now.

What I say, goes! Now, let’s get back to camp.

Come on, Katy-dit.

Ned walks on aheadt leaving Kaitlyn and Bob behind.

KAITLYN

I don’t know what happened, but Ned is not himself.

his is not Ned. He just called me a pet-name that

makes me sick. It’s a long story. But Ned would not

call me that name.

We should have the doctor examine him for brain

damage from a concussion.

BOB

I notice. He has a different personality..

NED

What’s the matter with you guys? Come on!

Aerial view of Kaitlyn and Bob catching up with Ned and the three walking on to the camp.

TITLE (SUPER):

THE END:

SUPER:

ROLL END CREDITS.

FADE OUT

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith’s Level 2 Horror Emotions Scene

What I learned doing this assighment is…? To build emotions into the scene, setting, and dialogue.

Film Title: The Toreph.

About the title: Toreph is singular of Teraphim, “Household gods.” They were the mummified heads in the ancient Near East that were used for necromancy and divination after a gold plate with the engraved name of a demon was inserted into its mouth.

A scene using Level 2 Horror emotions

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

Full
pursuit by the killer AND terrorized.

INT THE CAVE/TOMB OF CUSHAN THE DOUBLY-EVIL DAY

Hassan has just killed himself with Bob Barton’s gun, so that he can go follow his brother’s apparition to the afterlife to which he beckoned and called him to come.

Barton shoots at the Toreph skull but the demon within the skull, Azazel. Blocks the bullet with the same kind of invisibile shield .

The ricocheting bullet is controlled by the Toreph (Azazel) and is in a trajectory toward Kendrick and mortally wounds him. Kendrick.

TOREPH

Weapons are useless against me. I am Azazel,

I taught humanity the use of weapons. Of course

I devised how to protect myself against all of them.

Serves you right for what you attempted.

Kendrick lies down, mortally wounded. Barton, Ned, and Kaitlyn gather around him.

KENDRICK

I regret ever having dragged all of you into

this horror. Now I fear for what this demon may

devise against you.

KAITLYN

Dr. Kendrick, it was the gold plate that activated

Azazel in the skull. What if the gold plate was

extracted from his mouth. Wouldn’t that expel

the demon?

KENDRICK

I think so.

TOREPH

I think not, Doctor Kendrick.

BARTON

Dr. Kendrick, I didn’t mean to shoot you.

KENDRICK

It was Azazel, not you, that directed

the bullet toward me. You are guilty

of nothing. I am guilty of bringing you

to this evil place.

Kendrick dies.

Kaitlyn looks at the Toreph and screams..

Slithering around the skull from one eye socket to another is the Cerastes Horned Viper. It slithers out of the skull and coils around it. It opens its mouth and speaks.

TORPEH

Try to destroy me now.

BARTON

That is a Cerastes Horned Viper. Rare and

super-poisonous. Ned, watch out.

NED

I know that you’re the snake expert.

But that is no more a real snake than

Hussein’s apparition was Hussein

KAITLYN

I hate snakes. One of you has to kill it.

NED

We’ll just kill another one of us when the bullet ricochets

directed by Azazel? Lett me try something.

Ned grabs the shepherd’s staff of Hassan and addresses the Toreph.

Ned turns toward the Toreph and the snake wrapped around it.

NED

Azazel;. I carry the serpent staff of Amun.

TOREPH

Approach me, emissary of the great god

of Thebes.

KAITLYN

(With dread.)

Be careful, Ned.

Ned walks right through the invisible shield.

NED

You shall do me no harm. I call upon Apophis

who shatters creation. I am Ptah of Memphis who wields

the serpent staff, and rides on the backs of crocodiles.

You shall do me no harm.

TOREPH

No harm shall come to you.

Ned rushes the Toreph. Grabs he skull. The skull screams, “You deceiver.” “Let me go.”

You are Othniel the Judge, my enemy.

Ned pulls the gold plate from the Toreph’s mouth and the Toreph goes silent. The invisible shields vanish. They hear it, including the invisible block against the cave entrance.

BARTON

You did it, buddy!

KAITLYN

Thank God!

NED

I studied the Egyptian magical papyri.

Magic is his language, so, I thought I’d

speak it.

.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R. SMITH’S HORROR EMOTION SCENE

What I learned from this assignment is…? To build horror by the emotional gradients. I am also learning how close I am to a first draft.

Film Title: The Toreph.

THE OUTLINE OF EMOTION SCENE

Backstory: In the previous scenes, archaeologist Dr. Colin Kendrick visits the foot of Tel Esh-Shaytaneen, “Hill of the Two Devils” in the Israeli Negev Desert, south of the Bedouin township of Hura. There is a sealed cave/tomb with a warning from the last expedition – a 2006 French expedition led by Dr. Clement Leroux – that the place is in danger of collapsing and nothing is within. Yet, Kendrick has a gold nameplate he is convinced comes from the cave. It has one word engraved on it: Azazel, a demon in Jewish and Arabic mythology. He is convinced there is more in the cave/tomb. His Bedouin guides Hassan and Hussein En-Nour warn him to have nothing to do with the evil place. Hussein is mysteriously struck by a flash of lightning coming from within the cave/tomb. Kendrick is undeterred and vows to return the following season to excavate the cave/tomb at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen. He also keeps the gold nameplate with the demonic name “Azazel.”

The Phone Call is the emotion scene.

Kendrick wants to learn what happened to the French expedition that occasioined Leroux’s decision to seal the cave/tomb at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen and leave a warning sign at the cave/tomb’s entrance. So, Kendrick calls that expedition’s leader, Dr Clement Leroux in Paris to ask him to recount his expedition’s experience and his reason for the warning sign.

Reaction: When Kendrick tells Leroux he wants to excavate the cave/tomb on Tel Esh-Shaytaneen, Leroux is frozen in fear for Kendrick and his expedition and recounts the horror situation of the French Expedition in 2006. Leroux describes how one of his party died, or maybe was murdered and that he (Leroux) threw away the gold Azazel nameplate which he now wishes he had destroyed so that it would never be seen again, or found asit was by Hassan and Hussein En-Nour who discovered it in the sand where Leroux had thrown it 2006. Leroux claims that the nameplate is a transmitter of evil. And he tells Kendrick

to destroy it once and for all. He fears for Kendrick’s life and the lives of his personel on his expedition. Leroux tells Kendrick to cancel the expedition.

Denial: Leroux’s words fall on Kendrick’s deaf ears. Kendrick believes he is about to make a major discovery like Kenyon’s in the fifties.

Reaction: Filled with apprehensiveness for Kendrick in his tenacious denial, Leroux tells him he is like Ahab and that cave/tomb is his White Whale. And warns that Ahab got his White Whale but at his own mortal expense and that of his ship and his crew.

Scene:

INT. KENDRICK’S STUDY AT BUCKRIDGE UNIVERSITY – DAY

Kendrick turns to his computer and googles Dr. Clement Leroux, Institute Francaise de Archaeologie Proche-Orient.

The LINK appears immediately and includes the Paris phone number, which KENDRICK dials on his desk phonoe.

Split Screen for phone conversagtion

INT. LEROUX’S OFFICE, PARIS – DAY

Leroux picks up the ringing phone.

LEROUX

When I saw your name in my caller I-D, I couldn’t

believe my eyes. What can I do for you my esteemed

colleague?

KENDRICK

I am organizing an expedition to dig at the cave on Tel

Esh-Shaytaneen. Your expedition in 2006

sealed up the cave and placed a warning sign against it.

LEROUX

What can tell you, Dr. Kendrick?

KENDRICK

What led you to post the warning sign?

LEROUX

My advice, sir, is do not dig at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen

KENDRICK

Because the cave may collapse?

LEROUX

Yes, but there is more. One of our party died in that cave, or may have been murdered. Another colleague committed suicide. Why do you want to dig at that remote place?

KENDRICK

I am sorry, Dr. Leroux. Your colleague who died in the cave – how did he die?

LEROUX

Snake-bite.

KENDRICK

Well, that sounds like natural death. Why do you think it might have been murder?

LEROUX

The snake was a rare Cereastes horned viper. Someone who did not want us there could have placed the snake in the cave. Either way, who wants to do archaeology in a possible den of horned-vipers?

KENDRICK

Yes. Now, I have a gold name plate with the name

“Azazel” written on it.

LEROUX

You found that demonic thing and you kept it?

KENDRICK

Well, actually two Bedouin friends found it

and they brought it to me to decipher.

LEROUX

I shouldn’t have just thrown it away. I wish now that

I had totally destroyed it so that no human would

Ever find it, like your two friends. Are they all right?

KENDRICK

Well, one of them died mysteriously by lightning strike,

when I removed one stone that you had placed

over the cave entrance.

LEROUX

Dr. Kendrick, destroy that demonic nameplate before

something else happens to you or your team..

KENDRICK

Dr. Leroux, I have had the Azazel nameplate in my

possession for months and nothing has happened.

LEROUX

Have you received any harassing voicemails or text

messages?

KENDRICK

None whatsoever.

LEROUX

You are fortunate. .

KENDRICK

Did you receive any?

LEROUX

Yes, I did. When I had that gold plate in my

possession. It is some kind of transmitter.

KENDRICK

In addition to the unfortunate death of one colleague

and the suicide of another – for which I convey my

sympathy – is there amything else that happened which

you would like to share?

LEROUX

Dr. Kendrick, if I were to explain everything, you

would question not only my professionalism but also

my sanity. I will tell you this much: Since 2006,

I have been receiving treatment for PTSD. Now,

I implore you, cancel your plans to excavate at

Tel Esh-Shaytaneen. Destroy that nameplate,

and excavate elsewhere.

KENDRICK

Dr Leroux, I thank you for your concern, but I believe

there is an important discovery here.

LEROUX

What discovery is more important than the lives

of you and your team?

KENDRICK

In the Hebrew Bible, the Old Testament, there is

mention of Terraphim, the word has been

Translated as ‘household gods,’ ‘images’ but in the

Targums and Talmud and rabbinical literature, there

is mention of something else.

Leroux puts his phone on speaker and reaches behind and pulls a venerable volume from the book shelves to his side.

LEROUX (CONT’D)

You mean like in the Pirke de Rabbi Eliezer. I have it

right here.

(Reading.)

“They cut off the head, and salt it with salt, and they

write upon a golden plate the name of an unclean spirit,

and place it under his tongue, and they put it in the wall,

and they kindle lamps before it and bow down to it,

and it speaks unto them. Whence do we know that

the Teraphim speak? Because these are the words

of the prophet Zechariah, ‘for the Terephim have

spoken vanity.’”

KENDRICK

Exactly. This gold nameplate confirms the tradition in

The Pirke de Rabbi Eliezer and retrospectively it

demonstrates the use of the plastered Neolithic skulls

discovered by Kenyon at Jericho. They were cultic objects

used for magical purposes. Look at the wealth of new

information about the culture of the Biblical era and

before. For that alone I want to excavate.

LEROUX

You forget what else was said by the good Rabbi Eliezer.

He wrote that “Everyone who follows that knowledge

of making the Teraphim will ultimately go down to Gehinnom.”

Down to hell, Dr. Kendrick. Well, that cave is the hallway to hell,

Dr. Kendrick.

KENDRICK

You don’t honestly think that I believe skulls can talk, do you?

I am a scientist, like yourself. We dig to discover the past including its occult practices.

LEROUX

You are a Captain Ahab who hunts the White Whale

which for you is that cave.

KENDRICK

Aren’t you being a bit melodramatic?

LEROUX

Two members of my expedition died. Remember Ahab caught his White Whale but at

the cost of his own life and that of his crew.

KENDRICK

A revoir, Dr. Leroux,

LEROUX

A Dieu, Dr. Kendrick. A Dieu. I do mean,

God be with you, Dr. Kendrick.

.

Both Kendrick and Leroux hang up.

SPLIT SCREEN ENDS.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Robert Smith.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith’s Horror Outline Version: 1

What I learned is…? How to cobble together the building blocks of a script. In fact, I have larned that I have a script emerging. Thank you, including for your patience..

Title: THE TOREPH

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere
of Evil established

While on an unrelated archaeological expedition, Dr. Colin Kendrick, head of the Archaeology Dept at Buckridge University in the USA, is approached by two Arab goat-herding brothers, Hassan and Hussein, who, while searching for a lost goat, had discovered, in the sand, a gold nameplate with an engraving in an ancient language they cannot read.

Reaction: Kendrick invites Hassan and Hussein to his tent where he carefully examines the engraved ancient gold nameplate engraved.

Monster reveal: Kendrick reveals that the engraving on the gold plate is the demonic name Azazel – a desert demon of Jewish (Biblical) and Arabic lore.

Reaction: Between the name of the place they found it (Tel Esh-Shaytaneen; “Home of the Two Devils”) Hussein reacts with fear of the demonic nature of the gold plate.

T

Denial: Kendrick disregards Hussein’s fear. Says that this will lead to a major discovery and asks Hassan and Hussein to take him to the exact place at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen where they found the gold Azazel nameplate.

Reaction: Hassan and Hussein agree but Hussein is still gripped by fear that the devil will attack.

Horror situation: Immediately after agreeing to go to the Hill of the Two Devilsl, Kendricd’s tent collapses on them.

Reaction: Hussein is petrified and comforts himself with Muslim prayers and verses from the Quran.

Reaction: They all discover that it was the cute little goat who gnawed through the support rope of the tent who is the “devil” who brought town the tent.

Scene Two:

Monster Reveal: Hussein warns that he feels an evil presence surrounding them and he warns .Hassan and Kendrick to leave the place.

Denial: Hassan and Kendrick ignore him.

Reaction: Looking up the hill, Kendrick spots a cave and he climbs up to examine it

Reaction: Hassan follows Kendrick but Hussein begs them to come down.

Horror Situation: Kendrick arrives at the cave and finds it sealed up with stones from the last expedition to explore it – the French expedition in 2006. They even left a warning sign in French, English, Arabic and Hebrew: “BEWARE: CAVE IN DANGER OF COLLAPSE. Already excavated – nothing within.” Signed by Dr. Clement Leroux, Director, French Institute of Near Eastern Archaeology. When Kendrick removes one brick from the cave entrance, a streak of lightning from the aperture kills Hussein. Hassan, fearing more evil to come, begs Kendrick to do nothing further.

Denial: Kendrick says, “If I could redirect our excavation to here, I would.” But Kendrick vows he will return with an expedition from Buckridge U. the following year to open the cave which he believes is a tomb with Neolithic skulls similar to what Kenyon discovered in the 1950’s a short distance away – a major archaeological discovery.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Establishing shot:

EXT. ARCHAEOLOGICAL ‘DIG’ WEST BANK DESERT NEAR JERICHO –DAY

SUPER:

ARCHAEOLOGICAL DIG

TEL ES-SULTAN – ANCIENT JERICHO

Two Arab goat-herders, HASSAN and his brother HUSSEIN enter into the lower part of the frame. A small goat is with them on a rope. We follow them as they walk through the team of diggers and leaders of the expedition to DR. COLIN KENDRICK the director of the expedition, a professor of Near Eastern Archaeology at Buckridge University. He stands in front of his tent with NED GARNER, one of his students who uses a large sifter of sand and dirt, a tool used to find artefacts.

As they approach. Hassan calls to get the attention of Dr. Kendrick.

HASSAN

Ya, Doktour Colin. Doktour Colin. You remember

me?

KENDRICK

Of course, Hassan. Ahlan wa sahlan, Ya Hassan wa Hussein.

Iz-zay-ah-koom?

Hassan and Hussein shake hands with Kendrick.

KENDRICK

(looking toward the goat)

Wa min hu-wah?

HASSAN

This is one of our goats. He was lost, but we find him at Tel Esh-Shayh-tah-neen.

KENDRICK

The Hill of the Two Devils.

Hassan takes out a small gold nameplate and shows it to Kendrick

HASSAN

Yes, and this goat scratched the sand and find

this anteekah.

We see the nameplate. On it is paleo-Hebrew writing. The nameplate is a little larger than a safety razor blade.

KENDRICK

Let’s go into my tent.

HUSSEIN

First, I tie goat.

Hussein tethers the goat to a support rope for the ten. Then Hassan, Hussein, and Kendrick enter the tent.

INT. KENDRICK’S TENT – DAY

There is a table filled with books and papers. Kendrick, Hassan, and Hussein sets three folding chairs for all of them on which to sit, which he invites them to do.

KENDRICK

It-fad-lak-oom! Please have a seat.

HASSAN / HUSSEIN

Shoo-kran!

Hassan and Hussein seat themselves.

KENDRICK

Ayz te-shrab wala tah-kul hadjah?

SUBTITLE: Do you want anything to eat or drink?

HASSAN / HUSSEIN

La, shroo-kran.

SUBTITLE No, thank you.

‘

Kendrick sits and takes a magnifying glass from the table and examines the gold nameplate.

We see a closer view of the name on the nameplate/

HUSSEIN

What does the writing mean?

KENDRICK

It is written in ancient Hebrew letters. It is the name.

“Azazel.”

HUSSEIN

Ah! Azazeel? Ish-Shaytan. Ouzou b’llahi min Esh-Shaytan

Er-rahdjeem. Destroy that thing and the name.

SUBTITLE: Azazel. Satan. I take refuge in God from the wicked Satan.

HASSAN

Doktour, what do you think of that anteekah?

KENDRICK

I think you have found something that could lead to a major

discovery at Tel Ish-Shaytan. In fact, I would like you to take

me to the exact place where you found it. Would you?

HASSAN

Taab. Yella bina. Ayz ti-djee, ya-Hsein?

SUBTITLE: Of course. Let’s go. Do you want to come, Hussein?

HUSSEIN

Only evil can come from the Hill of the Two devils

and from that gold with the name of a devil.. But if

my brother needs me, I would give my life.

Suddenly, the Tent collapses around them, knocking over book shelves and scattering papers.

Hussein screams.

EXT. THE COLLAPSED TENT.

Hassan, Hussein, and Kendrick come out from underneath the fallen tent.

HUSSEIN

You see, Doctor Colin. Only evil can come out of

Tel Esh-Shaytaneen.

We see the small goat and the tent support rope that has been gnawed through by the goat.

HASSAN

This mischief is not the devil’s doing, Hussein. Unless your goat

is a devil.

Kendrick and Hassan laugh. Hussein takes the goat by the rope.

HASSAN

Dr. Colin, you want me to take you to Tel

Esh-Shaytaneen?

KENDRICK

(brandishing the gold Azazel nameplate)

The exact spot where you found this.

HUSSEIN

You go ahead, I will first take the goat home and see

You later.

Kendrick pockets the gold nameplate. Hussein leaves with the goat in one direction (L-R)

Kendrick and Hassan leave, walking R-L.

EXT. TEL ESH-SHAYTANEEN. A MOUND IN THE DESERT – DAY

Atmosphere
of Evil established

At Tel Esh-Shaytaneen, Kendrick notices that just above them on the slope is a cave entrance that was sealed up by the last expedition that explored it – the French expedition led by Clement Leroux, President of the French Institute for Near Eastern Archaeology, left a warning sign in French, English, Arabic and Hebrew: “WARNING! CAVE IN DANGER OF COLLAPSE! Already excavated – nothing within.”

Horror Situation: When Kendrick removes one stone from the cave entrance, a streak of lightning through the aperture kills Hussein.

Reaction: Hassan is filled with dread. Fearing more evil to come, he begs Kendrick to do nothing further.

Denial: Kendrick relents and answers yes to Hassan’s request. However, he also vows to return next season with an expedition from Buckridge U. the following year to open the cave which he believes is a tomb with Neolithic skulls similar to what Kenyon discovered in the 1950’s a short distance away – a major archaeological discovery.

Connect
with the characters

Likeability: We have connected with Dr Colin Kendrick already, whose manner is professorial and professional but approachable.

We are now at the Student Union of Buckridge University where we are introduced to three aspiring archaeologists: Ned Garner, Bob Barton, and Kaitlyn Randolph. Ned and Bob are playing chess and Kaitlyn joins them and watches.

Ned is a chess enthusiast that Bob says that on the Chess board, Nice-guy Ned reveals his killer instinct as he defeats Bob with a Royal Fork move. Ned is still shy about joining Kendrick’s dig but Kaitlyn (Ned’s love interest) coaxes him, as she is going on the dig itself. That clinches it. He is an aspiring archaeologist. He has to go. Moreover, Kaitlyn is going. How can he not go?

The
characters are warned not to explore at Tel Esh-Shayateen.

The Phone Call: Kendrick wants to learn what happened to the French expedition that they

sealed the cave at Tel Esh-Shayateen and left a warning sign at the cave not to enter. So he calls that expedition’s leader, Dr Clement Leroux in Paris to ask him to recount his expediiton’s experience. When Kendrick tells him that he wants to excavate the cave/tomb on Tel Esh-Shaytaneen,

Reaction: Leroux fears for Kendrick and his party if he does so. Leroux attempts to talk

Kendrick out of it for his own good and that of his expedition.

Horror Situation: To explain how concerned he is, Leroux recounts the horror situation

of the French Expedition in 2006. Leroux describes how two of his party died, or maybe

they were murdered and he threw away the gold Azazel nameplate which he now wishes

he had destroyed so that it would never be seen again, instead Hassan and Hussein

discovered it in the sand where he threw it landed when Leroux threw it away so many

years ago.. Leroux claims, the nameplate is a transmitter of evil. And he tells Kendrick

to destroy it.

Denial: Leroux’s words fall on Kendrick’s deaf ears. Kendrick believes he is about to make a major discovery like Kenyon’s in the fifties.

Reaction: Leroux tells him he is like Ahab and that cave/tomb is his White Whale. Ahab got his White Whale but at his own mortal expense and that of his ship and his crew.

Reaction: Ned Garner is in Kendricks office and although he only hears Kendrick’s side of the story, he is concerned that all students who signed up for the expedition should be informed about all details of the phone conversation and the story of Kendrick’s own experience . Kendrick even shows Ned the Azazel gold nameplate, which when it’s on the table, ominously vibrates like a cell phone – a warning that there is a malevolent supernatural presence connected with the Azazel nameplate and the cave on Hill of the Two Devils. Kendrick wants to share these details only with Ned, but Ned wants to tell the others as they should be told.

Denial
of Horror

Accordingly, Kendrick calls a meeting of the team (Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn and tells them also the whole story of Tel Esh-Shaytaneen.

Reaction: Bob, the comic relief of the show betrays some superstitious proclivities, and admits his fear.

Reaction: But in the end science prevails especially after Kendrick tells them that the site is not far from ancient Jericho where Kenyon in the 50’s discovered cultic skulls from the Neolithic era which assures Kendrick that they will make a similar discovery, perhaps of Teraphim (skulls used as household gods for necromancy and divination in Biblical times and quotes the Bible as evidence and other traditions in support.

Horror Situation (in the past): Kendrick shows the students the Azazel nameplate and explains, it was used by sorcerers who would insert the plate into the mouths of the skulls so that they could speak to the necromancer. And that confirmation of this practice would be a major finding anthropologically regarding the practice of magic in the ancient world. Bottom line: All the team wants to proceed with the expedition in a scientific manner which they believe will yield a major discovery in Near Eastern Archaeology. Very Bottom line: The horror is denied.

SIX MONTHS LATER

TEL ESH-SHAYTANEEN

THE DIG

Safety
taken away

In the cave at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen the team is joined by Hassan. When the stones left by the French expedition are removed and they enter the cave tomb, they discover a clay Egyptian style anthropoid sarcophagus marked King Cushan. They realize they have found the tomb of the Biblical villain, Cushan Rishathaim, Cushan the Doubly-Evil, of Judges 8. His mummy is headless and a sword is beside him in the sarcophagus. In another chamber they find a mummified head, a Toreph (singular of Terraphim) – obviously the skull of Cushan the Doubly-Evil. Kendrick inserts the Azazel nameplate into the skull’s mouth. At that instant an invisible barrier descends over the entrance to the cave. They are trapped inside with the Toreph that now begins to speak. .

Monster Reveal: The Toreph (Azazel) speaks and knows each person by name and his agenda is to wreak torment and evil on all of them whom he has trapped in the cave/tomb.all the world.

Horror Situation: Then the Toreph (Azazel speaking through the skull) produces a supposed apparition of Hassan’s dead brother Hussein begging him too join him in the afterlife, where he needs him.

Reaction: Hassan asks whether or not he is in Jannah (garden of paradise, in Islam) or hell. The Toreph says, “Not from the Garden of Paradise, but from Hell.” Hassan grab’s Bob Barton’s gun to commit suicide and join his brother.

Reaction: Ned pleads with Hassan not to kill himself, “It’s not your brother who is speaking to you. Your brother would not want you to kill yourself. This apparition is a demon conjured by Azazel who is a leader of demons.”

Reaction: Hassan says, “My brother needs me. I give my life for my brother. He would do the dame for me.” Hassan shoots himself in the head.” We actually see his apparition follow his brother until they disappear. Then we hear the echoing voice of the spirit of Hassan scream from somewhere beyond.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

Full
pursuit by the killer AND terrorized

Reaction: Bob grabs his gun from Hassan’s lifeless hand and fires, but the bullet ricochets off an te invisible barrier that protects the Toreph. The ricocheting bullet is controlled by the Toreph (Azazel) and is in a trajectory toward Kendrick and mortally wounds him. Kendrick.

Toreph: I am Azazel, I taught humanity the use of weapons. Of course I would protect myself from weapons first. Serves you right that the evil you intended for me would come to you.

Reaction: Before Kendrick dies, he tells Ned, weapons are useless.

Reaction: Kaitlyn suggests that “If iinserting the Azazel nameplate into the skull’s mouth made Azazel possess the skull, then extracting it might exorcize Azazel. The invisible shield protects the Toreph only from weapons but you have none.” Kendrick praises Kaitlyn and agrees with her. His last gesture before he dies is to apologize to all for putting them in this dangerous position. .

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the death

Reaction: It proves to be true, that if you approach the Toreph with no weapon, you can pass through the invisible barrier.

Reaction: Ned passes unobstructed through the protective invisible barrier around the Toreph,

Toreph (Azazel) [to Ned]: Trying to play Chess with me? This is no Chess

game.

Ned: We’ll see about that.

Ned grabs the Toreph and pulls the Azazel nameplate out of his mouth. Azazel no longer possesses the skull, all the invisible barriers he erected are eliminated. Azazel no longer possesses the skull. Not seen by Bob and Kaitlyn is that Ned pockets the Azazel nameplate. Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn return the skull to the clay sarcophagus with the headless mummy of Cushan.

Hysteria

Monster Reveal: As they walk away from the sarcophagus, the mummy of Cushan explodes out of the sarcophagus assailing them with his sword. The mummy of Cushan is possessed by Azazel, who speaks: “Now, I have found his entire body in which to dwell.”

The
thrilling escape from death

Reaction: With the invisible barriers gone, Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn escape. Ned and Kaitlyn exit the cave/tomb. Ned directs Bob and Kaitlyn to join him as they climb up above the rocky surface around the cave entrance and push a bolder down on the mummy of Cushan, crushing him.

Ned: You see, it is a chess game. Royal Fork on you Azazel.

Bob and Kaitlyn climb down from above the cave entrance leaving Ned on top.

Death returns to take one or more.

Azazel through Cushan’s mummy says to Ned: “Fork you!” As Azazel/Cushan point to Ned, a seismic event happens, the cave/tomb collapses, taking Ned with it. Supposedly, it kills him. Azazel/Cushan crushed as he is beneath a bolder, dies.

Resolution

Kaitlyn mourns Ned, comforted by Bob. When Ned suddenly pulls himself out of the rubble.

Horror Situation: Ned is resurrected by and now possessed by Azazel.

Reaction: Bob and Kaitlyn sense Azazel has possessed Bob when he proudly wields the Azazel nameplate.

Reaction:

Kaitlyn: Why did you save that?

Bob: Yeah, that’s what started everything.

Ned: It is the only artefact from this location that survives. It is the key to

many mysteries.

This is the final horror: That Azazel will still operate from and through a friend and lover, possessed by the demon.

It also sets up a sequel.

3. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

4. Post your assignment in the forums at https://www.screenwritingclasses.com/forums/

Subject line: (Your Name’s) Character Journey Track (place in first line)

Deadline: 3 Days

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith’s Character Journey Track

What I learned doing this assignment is: That delving into detail on your characters and their journey is crucial to creating a script. The assignment was large, and I regret that I missed deadline, but I am glad I did it. For me, it was my journey of discovery of my story.

Film Title: “The Toreph.”

Time: The Present.

Place: Tel Esh-Shaytaneen (Hill of the Two Devils) near ancient Jericho, West Bank.

Synopsis: An archaeological expedition uncovers a cave/tomb of a Biblical villain and find his mummy but also his mummified head which was used in antiquity as a Toreph, i.e., a skull for necromancy and divinization through a demon that possessed the skull by inserting into its mouth a small gold nameplate engraved with the name of the demon.

. With each of your Survivors and Victims, answer the following questions:

A. What is their Character Profile?

Role:
Traits:
Fears:
Wants/Needs :
Likability / Rooting factors:
How they react under stress:
Relationship with other characters:

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro:
Denial:
Their reaction at first horror:
Relation to group after first horror:
How they fight back:
End Point:
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the
others/audience?

* *

Character: Hussein, a victim.

Role: A goat-herder, victim.

Denial: None. He believes there is something evil at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen, ‘Hill of the Two Devils,” an archaeological site where he and his brother Hassan discover a small ancient gold nameplate with engraving they cannot read. He believes the nameplate is evil and has something to do with the death of their goat whom they found at the same place..

Traits: Warm, friendly, but fearful.

Fears: Fears the evil of Tel Esh-Shaytaneen.

Wants/Needs: Wants to leave the area to escape the evil at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen. Also needs to

warn his brother and Prof. Kendrick, their archaeologist friend.

Likability / Rooting factors: He is a good person. He loves the lost goat they are trying to find

who died at the Tel from an explosion while digging in the sand.

How they react under stress: Hussein mourns the goat but is convinced it was some demon of

Tel Esh-Shaytaneen (Hill of the Two Devils) that killed him. He wants to escape.

Relationship with other characters: A warm relationship with his brother and fellow goat-

Herder Hassan and Prof. Kendrick.

B. What is Hussein’s Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: Goat herder, brother of Hassan, looking for a lost got.

Denial: None. Although he dies in the opening, Hussein is fully convinced of the presence of unseen supernatural evil at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen (Hill of the Two Devils).

Hussein’s reaction at first horror: The first horror is the death of the goat on the Hill and Hussein grieves, he loved the little goat. He immediately wants to flee and tries to talk his brother Hassan into joining him. However, Hassan and he find, in the sand, a gold nameplate with writing on it. Hassan wants to take it to their archaeologist friend Prof. Colin Kendrick who is on a nearby archaeological dig nearby so he could make sense out of the nameplate and its mysterious inscription in a language they cannot read. Hussein thinks the plate should be thrown away because, he is convinced, it did cause the goat’s death. When Kendrick tells Hussein and Hassan that the writing on the nameplate is the name of Azazel (Arabic: Azazil.), Hussein further freaks out. Azazel is the desert demon of Jewish (Biblical) and Arabic mythology. According to the mysterious Book of Enoch, Azazel was one of the leaders of the Fallen Angels (1 Enoch 13) Then, Kendrick wants Hussein and Hassan to take him to the site, to the Hill, Hussein is extra urgent in his plea that they do not go and return to that evil place. But his plea falls on deaf ears with Hassan, they go and he goes with them pleading all the way.

Relation to group after first horror: A companion but still a voice of warning.

How Hussein fights back: Although Kendrick’s scientifically denies and dismisses the notion

of an evil presence of evil at the Hill, and wants Hussein and his brother Hassan to take

them to where they found the gold Azazel nameplate, in order to assess if an achaeological site is there, Hussein fights back at their denial by warning Kendrick and his brother to keep away from the evil Hill of the Two Devils.

End Point: When Kendrick pulls a stone from the wall that seals the cave, astreak of lightning

bolts through the aperture and kills Hussein.

What insight does his death bring to the others/audience? The power of evil in the cave and

on Hill of the Two Devils.

A. What is Hassan’s Character Profile?

Character: Hassan.

Role: Victim, goat-herder and unwilling guide for Dr. Kendrick and the other members of his

team.

Traits: Sad to lose his brother. Very friendly toward Kendrick and the other archaeologists.

Fears: After the death of his brother Hussein, he is now convinced that evil exists in the cave

and on Hill of the Two Devils. He has become as fearful and as earnest as his brother

was in convincing Kendrick to abandon his project of excavating the cave/tomb on the

Hill of the Two Devils.

Wants/Needs : Wants to prevent harm to Kendrick and his party, aspiring archaeologists Ned

Garner, Kaitlyn Randolph, Bob Barton.

Likability / Rooting factors: His warmth and earnestness, plus, his caring for others at his own

risk.

How he reacts under stress: Wants to escape to safety and wants others to escape as well. But

when he sees the apparition of his brother Hussein beckoning him to join him in the afterlife he commits suicide.

Relationship with other characters: He is an outsider but well liked and is welcomed to join

them. On good terms with everyone.

What is Hassan’s Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: With his brother he finds the lost goat (dead) and the demon-named gold nameplate.

Denial: While his brother (Hussein) tries to convince him that the Hill and the nameplate are

evil, he pushes him aside and wants to take the nameplate to Kendrick to be explained.

Hassan’s reaction at first horror: The first horror was the death of the goat, then his brother

Hussein. He reacts with grief and humiliation. He now realizes his brother was right and

he coaxes Kendrick to join him and leave the Hill of the Two Devils.

Hassan’s relation to group after first horror: The first horror for the archaeological team is to

witness Hassan killing himself when he sees an apparition of his brother Hussein begging

him to join him in the afterlife where Hussein says he needs him. Ned warns Hassan not

to do it, “Your brother would never want you to kill yourself, the apparition is not your

brother but some demon conjured by the leader of demons, Azazel” who has possessed

the mummified head. Hassan is on friendly terms with Kendrick and after that with the

aspiring archaeologists (Ned Garner, Kaitlyn Randolph, Bob Barton). How they fight

back:

End Point: For Hassan Hussein’s apparition is the horror that spurs him on to suicide so he can

be with his brother.

His death shows the characters and the audience the power and evil of the demon Azazel.

Character: Dr. Colin Kendrick

Role: Victim; Dept Head of Near Eastern Archaeology at Buckridge University and Museum.

Traits: Professiorial, professional but approachable.

Fears: At first, he has no fears, inspite of the death of Hussein and persistent warnings. After

the suicide of Hassan, he fears both Azazel and fears for those whom he has brought into

danger by the expedition.

Wants/Needs: He persists in his singular goal of making a major archaeological discovery, i.e.,

to discover a Toreph (a head used in antiquity for necromancy and divination), believing it would put him in a professional standing with Kathleen Kenyon who discovered similar skulls in nearby ancient Jericho. He is like Ahab in search of the White Whale disregarding his own safety and that of others. After the suicide of Hassan, however, belatedly, his primary want is the safety of his archaeological team

(Ned Garner, Kaitlyn Randolph, and Bob Barton).

Likability / Rooting factors: The fact that he is both learned and approachable; capable of

getting along with academic colleagues, his team, and even Arab goat-herders.

How they react under stress: He fights back at Azazel. In his dying moments he counsels Ned

to neutralize the demon by extracting the demonic Azazel nameplate from the mouth of the mummified head.

Relationship with other characters: Friendly but regrets his monomania about making a

Major archaeological which brought his team into danger.

What is Kendrick’s Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: He is on a nearby archaeological dig when Hassan and Hussein bring the

engraved gold nameplate to him to explain what it is. He explains the name on the plate

is the name of Azazel a dessert demon and leader of fallen angels in both Jewish and

Arabic mythology and wants the brothers to take him to the spot where they found the nameplate. Above it he sees a cave which he wants to examine. .

Denial: That there is any evil at the Hill of the Two Devils which is superstition that will not

dissuad him from pursuing an expedition to find the contents of the cave/tomb. He is

still in denial when he and the brothers come to the cave. The cave is sealed, walled up by a previous expedition that has also left a sign with a dire warning not to enter the cave.

Kendrick’s reaction at first horror: The first horror is the death of Hussein which still does

not dissuade him from returning to excavate the cave/tomb.

Relation to group after first horror: Warm relations continue but he immediately abandons

any thought of a discovery and becomes earnestly concerned with the safety of his team.

How Kendrick fights back: He tells Ned to extract the gold Azazel nameplate from the mouth

of the skull, in other words to deactivate and expel the demon Azazel from the skull.

End Point: Kendrick is mortally wounded when a ricocheting bullet (trajectory guided by

(Azazel) mortally wounds him. He dies with the final instruction to Ned to pull the

demon nameplate from the mouth of the skull.

What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? The power of the evil

monster the demon, Azazel. Also a lesson: To overcome evil you have to accept that it

exists.

Character: Ned Garner

A. What is Ned Garner’s (protagonist) Character Profile?

Role: Both Victim and Survivor because although killed in a collapsing of the cave he is

resurrected by Azazel who then possesses him.

Traits: Handsome, a bit shy and self-deprecating.

Fears: The demon Azazel whom he fights in order to free himself and his friends.

Wants/Needs: Loves Kaitlyn. Wants to be part of a great archaeological discovery.

Likability / Rooting factors: His modesty. But also has a ‘killer instinct evident by his

brilliance as a chess player. His love of his friends and personable manner all make him

likeable.

How Ned Garner reacts under stress: Fights back against the demon Azazel.

Relationship with other characters: Warm, friendly.

B. What is Ned Garner’s Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: We first find Ned beating his friend Bob Barton in a chess game with a move

called the Royal Fork. Barton tells Ned, “For a nice guy you have a killer instinct on the

chess board.”

Denial: He agrees with Kendrick that the talk of evil at Tel Esh-Shataneen is superstitious and

And wants to pursue the expedition. Like Kaitlyn and Bob, he defers to Kendrick’s

denial as the leader.

Ned Garner’s reaction at first horror: Ned fights back. When Azazel produces a supposed

apparition of Hassan’s dead brother Hussein begging him to join him in the afterlife,

Hassan grab’s Bob Barton’s gun to commit suicide and join his brother. Ned pleads with

Hassan not to kill himself, it’s not your brother who is speaking to you. Your brother

would not want you to kill yourself.”

Ned’s Relation to group after first horror: Wants to save all of them, first by neutralizing the

Toreph (the demon possessed mummified head. Then later fighting the mummy of Cushan whose head is reunited with his body and is possessed by Azazel.

How Ned fights back: Finally, as the mummy is in pursuit of them, Ned leads Bob and Kaitlyn

in tossing down a bolder onto the mummy which kills him. But Azazel still lives.

End Point: Azazel causes the collapse of the cav with Ned on the roof. He is killed in the

landslide. Bug Azazel resurrects and possesses Ned.

What insight does Ned’s death have on the others/audience? Kaitlyn and Bob notice there is

something wrong about Ned, especially, when shows them that he has retrieved the gold

Azazel nameplate that started the horror. They are afraid of this and Ned. Tells

audience: Evil is always ready to outsmart. Also, there will be a sequel.

Character: Kaitlyn Randolph.

A. What is their Character Profile?

Role: Survivor.

Traits: Good looking in a nerdy way, sweet and smart.

Fears: Once the horror starts with the speaking of Azazel through a skull, she fears what might

happen. Her fear increases when the apparition of Hussein appears and Hassan kills

himself.

Wants/Needs: Loves Ned but wishes he would be more proactive with his aspirations as a

budding archaeologist like herself.

Likability / Rooting factors: Her smarts and love for Ned and the way she is part of a

trio of Ned, Kaitlyn and Bob Barton.

How Kaitlyn reacts under stress: She uses her smarts to figure out a way to fight the demon.

She originates the idea of extracting the gold Azazel nameplate from the mouth of the

mummified head. She also follows Ned’s lead, including crushing the mummy with a bolder.

Kaitlyn’s Relationship with other characters: With Ned, love. Friendly and pleasant with the

others. Defers to Kendrick’s leadership.

B. What is Kaitlyn’s Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: At the University Student Union, she joins Ned and Bob Barton as they finish

a chess game.

Denial: Defers to Kendrick’s rationalism and denies any supernatural evil. However, once she

sees the horror for herself, she denies no more!

Kaitlyn’s reaction at first horror: The appearance of the apparition of Hussein and Hassan’s

suicide is the first horror for her. She screams but recovers and is determined to fight

Azazel. She comes up with the idea of extracting the gold Azazel nameplate from the

mummified head’s mouth.

Relation to group after first horror: Solidarity and support.

How Kaitlyn fights back: Fights back with her smarts. She comes up with the idea of

extracting the gold Azazel nameplate from the mummified head’s mouth.

End Point: The Azazel-possessed mummy is killed, Ned comes out of the landslide alive but

Doesn’t seem like Ned anymore, she notices first. He is in fact possessed by Azazel.

What insight does Kaitlyn’s survival bring to the others/audience? To Bob Barton, that she

is a true friend and partner for their mutual rescue. To the audience, there will be a

sequel, how will she handle Ned’s possession by Azazel?

Character: Bob Barton.

A. What is Bob Barton’s Character Profile?

Role: Friend of Ned Garner and Kaitlyn Randolph, like them, an aspiring archaeologist and

student of Dr. Colin Kendrick.

Traits: Warm, humorous, provides comic relief.

Fears: When he learns of the red flags about supernatural evil they might encounter, he initially is fearful, but defers to Kendrick and his friends.

Wants/Needs: Wants to be part of a major archaeological discovery which Kendrick says

awaits them at the otherwise sinister sounding Tel Esh-Shaytaneen (Hill of the Two

Devils).

Likability / Rooting factors: He is very personable, humorous and the kind of guy you would

want to know, if you didn’t know him.

How does Bob react under stress: After Hassan kills himself with Bob’s gun. Bob swipes the

gun from his lifeless hand and tries the shoot the Toreph, i.e., the Azazel-possessed

mummified skull to destroy it. However, Azazel had erected invisible bullet proof

shields. The bullets ricochet and are controlled in their trajectory to mortally wound

Kendrick. Bob is partner with Ned in crushing the Azazel-possessed mummy with a

bolder.

Bob’s Relationship with other characters: Always warm and friendly. Acts as a partner in all

things.

B. What is Bob Barton’s Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: We first meet Bob as he loses a chess game to Ned in the Student Union of

Buckridge University.

Denial: At first he does not deny that evil exists on Hill of the Two Devils when he hears the

story of the death of the goat, the finding of the Azazel gold nameplate, and the death of

Hussein. But he defers to the department head and leader of the expedition, Dr.

Kendrick, as do Kaitlyn and Ned.

Bob’s reaction at first horror: Which for him is the apparition of Hussein and Hassan’s

suicide. His reaction is to fight back. As he fires his gun the bullet ricochets and with

Azazel controlling the trajectory, mortally wounds Kendrick. Bob is in remorse. Kendrick treats him kindly telling him to think of themselves to save.

Bob’s Relation to group after first horror: A partner in fighting Azazel.

How Ned fights back: When Azazel enters the mummy of Cushan and pursues Bob, Ned, and

Kaitlyn, he is a partner with Bob in crushing him with a bolder.

End Point: Bob survives with Ned and Kaitlyn but both Bob and Kaitlyn notice there is

something wrong about Ned (he is possessed by Azazel).

What insight does Bob Barton’s survival bring to the others/audience? To Kaitlyn, she’s

glad Bob survived, he is an important fried that she may have to lean on as Ned goes

through changes possessed by Azazel. To the audience, concern about how Bob will deal with Ned’s possession in the sequel. Also, will Bob and Kaitlyn become an ‘item.’

Character: Dr. Clement Leroux, President, French Institute of Near Eastern Archaeology

A. What is Leroux’s Character Profile?

Role: Minor character, survivor. He is a distinguished archaeologist who previously excavated the cave/tomb, sealed it up, and left a dire warning sign not to enter it claiming that the cave is in danger of collapse and there is nothing within. Kendrick calls Leroux in Paris to inquire about his excavation at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen and why he sealed up the cave/tomb.

Traits: Learned, professional but approachable. He and Kendrick are kindred spirits.

Fears: When Kendrick tells him that he wants to excavate the cave/tomb on Tel Esh-Shaytaneen, Leroux fears for Kendrick and his party if he does so. Leroux attempts to talk Kendrick out of it for his own good and that of his expedition. To explain how concerned he is , Leroux describes how two of his party died, or maybe they were murdered and he threw away the gold Azazel nameplate which he now wishes he had destroyed so that it would never be seen again, instead Hassan and Hussein discovered it in the sand where he threw it. The thing is a transmitter of evil. And he tells Kendrick to destroy it.

Wants/Needs: He wants and needs Kendrick to cancel his expedition to Tel Esh-Shaytaneen, to the cave/tomb.

Likability / Rooting factors about Leroux: Kindly, warm, and genuinely caring for what might

happen if Kendrick conducts his excavation at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen.

How they react under stress: Leroux’s horror experience was years earlier, but he reveals that

2 members of his expedition died or were perhaps murdered. His way of dealing with the

experience was to abandon the excavation of the cave/tomb on Tel Esh-Shaytaneen. He

also reveals that ever since the experience he has had treatment for PTSD.

Relationship with other characters: He only has a distant relation with Kendrick on the phone

but it is satisfactory even though his warning falls on Kendrick’s deaf ears.

B. What is Clement Leroux’s Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: His appearance only for a short time, namely, a phone call from Kendrick to

find out information about Tel Esh-Shaytaneen from the last man who excavated it.

Denial: No denial of the presence of evil on Tel Esh-Shaytaneen. Leroux tries to talk Kendrick

into cancelling his expedition.

Leroux’s reaction at first horror: The horror for Leroux occurred years earlier but it is his

experience that he shares on the phone with Kendrick to convince him to cancel the

excavation.

Relation to group after first horror: All these years after his experience of the horror, he cares

for Kendrick and his ambition to make a great archaeological discovery.

How they fight back: Leroux fought back years earlier by abandoning his excavation, sealing

up the cave/tomb, and throwing away the evil Azazel nameplate, which unfortunately

was found later and is in the possession of Kendrick.

End Point: In one last statement to Kendrick, he says that he is a Captain Ahab and the

cave/tomb at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen is his White Whale, but what will it do your team and

ultimately yourself?

What insight does Leroux’s survival bring to the others/audience? Kendrick feels warmly

toward Leroux but disregards his advice. To the audience, Leroux’s survival and

warning shows how evil the monster (Azazel) is and heightens the anticipation of what awaits the expedition team (Kendrick, Garner, Barton, and Randolph) when they arrive and begin excavating the cave/tomb on Tel Esh-Shaytaneen..

Character: The Toreph (Azazel).

Explanation: A Toreph is singular from Teraphim. The Teraphim in the Bible are ‘household

gods.” However, in later traditions, they are said to be the mummified heads that are

used for necromancy and divination. The demon in the skull is activated by placing in its

mouth a gold nameplate with the name of the demon engraved upon it. In this case, the

gold nameplate has the name of Azazel engraved upon it. Azazel is the desert demon in Jewish and Arabic mythology.

Such heads were found in ancient Jericho in the fifties by Kathleen Kenyon, only, instead of being mummified they were plastered. These skulls originated in the Neolithic era (9,000 to 6,000 BC).

In the story, Kendrick believes he is about to make a major discovery of more such skulls at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen which is only a short distance from ancient Jericho and the site of Kenyon’s discovery.

A. What is the Toreph’s Character Profile?

Role: Both a victim and a survivor. Azazel is the personality inhabiting the mummified skull. Azazel is the leader of he fallen angels, I Enoch 13 and Genesis 6:1-4.

Traits: Cruel and evil.

Fears: None.

Wants/Needs: Not only does he want to spread evil and deception but he finds Kaitlyn

Randolph attractive. Although lacking a body, he still acts in-character as one of the

fallen angels who found the daughters of men attractive and “went in unto them” Genesis

chapter 6

Likability / Rooting factors: None.

How they react under stress: When Ned extracts the gold Azazel nameplate from the mouth of

the Toreph, he flees and enters the body of the mummy of King Cushan from whose

mummy the Toreph skull was taken. In this form, he arises from the sarcophagus and

pursues Ned, Kaitlyn and Bob who finally kill him with a bolder but then Azazel causes

the cave-in of the cave/tomb killing Ned. However, Azazel then resurrects Ned and

possesses him.

The Toreph’s relationship with other characters: Azazel has an evil and deadly antagonistic

relationship with everybody.

B. What is their Toreph (Azazel’s) Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: When the goat mysteriously dies on the slope of Tel Esh-Shaytaneen after

making contact with the small gold Azazel nameplate. The Toreph (Azazel) is still

unseen but proceeds to do evil through the Azazel gold nameplate when he kills Hussein

by a stroke of lightning emanating from the cave/tomb.

Denial: The Toreph (Azazel) has none.

The Toreph’s (Azazel’s) reaction at first horror: Satisfied with the horror he created but this

is unseen.

Relation to group after first horror: He prepares to do more horror.

How the Toreph (Azazel) fights back: Does more evil. He conjures an apparition of Hussein

To convince Hassan to kill himself in order to keep him company in the afterlife. Which

we never know if it is heaven or hell. Ned believes that the Hussein apparition was not

Hussein but a demon sent by a leader of demons, Azazel, who now animates the Toreph

head.

End Point: When Ned extracts the small gold Azazel nameplate from the mouth of the

mummified skull, Azazel flees to the sarcophagus of Cushan and possesses his mummy.

Ned, Kaitlyn, and Bob take the mummified head and make the mistake of placing it in the

sarcophagus with the mummy. The head reunites to the body and now Azazel has a full body, he explodes out of the clay sarcophagus and pursues Ned, Kaitlyn and Bob. The invisible shield blocking cave entering is lifted so they escape through it and Ned climbs up over the cave entrance and drops a bolder on the mummy. Azazel then causes the cave to cave in, killing Ned but Azazel resurrects Ned and possesses him.

What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Forces of evil are clever and tenacious. There will be a sequel.

2. Build those Character Journeys into your outline.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere
of Evil established

While on an unrelated archaeological expedition, Dr. Colin Kendrick, head of the Archaeology Dept at Buckridge University in the USA, is approached by two Arab goat-herding brothers, Hassan and Hussein, who, while searching for a lost goat, had discovered, in the sand, an ancient gold nameplate engraved with the demonic name Azazel – a desert demon of Jewish (Biblical) and Arabic lore. Kendrick insists they take him to the place where they found it which they reluctantly do. Hassan is in denial of any danger, but Hussein believes that there is evil in the place. The place is called the Hill of the Two Devils and they had found their lost goat dead on the slope of Tel Esh-Shaytaneen (which means the Hill of the Two Devils). Near the goat, they found the Azazel nameplate. Kendrick notices that just above them on the slope is a cave entrance that was sealed up by the last expedition that explored it – the French expedition led by Clement Leroux, President of the French Institute for Near Eastern Archaeology, who left a warning sign in French, English, Arabic and Hebrew: “WARNING! CAVE IN DANGER OF COLLAPSE! Already excavated – nothing within.” When Kendrick removes one brick from the cave entrance, a streak of lightning kills Hussein. Hassan, fearing more evil to come, begs him to do nothing further. Kendrick vows he will return with an expedition from Buckridge U. the following year to open the cave which he believes is a tomb with Neolithic skulls similar to what Kenyon discovered in the 1950’s a short distance away – a major archaeological discovery.

Connect
with the characters

We have connected with Dr Colin Kendrick already, whose manner is professorial and professional but approachable. We are now at the Student Union of Buckridge University where we are introduced to three aspiring archaeologists: Ned Garner, Bob Barton, and Kaitlyn Randolph. Ned and Bob are playing chess and Kaitlyn joins them and watches. Ned is a chess enthusiast that Bob says shows his killer instinct as Ned defeats Bob at Chess with a Royal Fork move. Ned is still shy about joining Kendrick’s dig but Kaitlyn (Ned’s love interest) coaxes him, as she is going on the dig itself. That clinches it. He is an aspiring archaeologist. He has to go. Moreover, Kaitlyn is going. How can he not go?

The
characters are warned not to do it.

The Phone Call: Kendrick wants to learn what happened to the French expedition that they

sealed the cave on Tel Esch-Shaytaneen. So he calls that expedition’s leader, Dr.

Clement Leroux in Paris to ask him to recount his expediiton’s experience. When

Kendrick tells him that he wants to excavate the cave/tomb on Tel Esh-Shaytaneen,

Leroux fears for Kendrick and his party if he does so. Leroux attempts to talk Kendrick

out of it for his own good and that of his expedition. To explain how concerned he is ,

Leroux describes how two of his party died, or maybe they were murdered and he threw

away the gold Azazel nameplate which he now wishes he had destroyed so that it would

never be seen again, instead Hassan and Hussein discovered it in the sand where he threw

it. The thing is a transmitter of evil. And he tells Kendrick to destroy it. But his words fall on Kendrick’s deaf ears. Kendrick believes he is about to make a major discovery like Kenyon’s in the fifties. Leroux tells him he is like Ahab and that cave/tomb is his White Whale. Ahab got his White Whale but at his own mortal expense and that of his ship and crew.

Ned visits Kendrick in his office and is welcomed by him to the expedition with enthusiasm as Ned is a gifted linguist in ancient Near Eastern languages. Kendrick tells Ned everything that happened at Tel Ash-Shaytaneen, the previous year. Kendrick even shows him the Azazel gold nameplate, which on the table, ominously vibrates like a cell phone – a warning that there is a malevolent supernatural presence connected with the Azazel nameplate and the cave on Hill of the Two Devils. Kendrick wants to share these details only with Ned, but Ned wants to tell the others as they should be told.

Denial
of Horror

Accordingly, Kendrick calls a meeting of the team (Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn and tells them also the whole story of Tel Esh-Shaytaneen. Bob, the comic relief of the show betrays some superstitious proclivities, but in the end science prevails especially after Kendrick tells them that the site is not far from ancient Jericho where Kenyon in the 50’s discovered cultic skulls from the Neolithic era which assures Kendrick that they will make a similar discovery, perhaps of Teraphim (skulls used as household gods for necromancy and divination in Biblical times and quotes the Bible as evidence and other tradiions in support. He shows them the Azazel nameplate which explains, was used b sorcerers who would insert the plate into the mouths of the skulls so that they could speak to the necromancer. Bottom line: All the team wants to proceed with the expedition which they believe will yield a major discovery in Near Eastern Archaeology. Very Bottom line: The horror is denied.

Safety
taken away

In the cave at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen the team is joined by Hassan. When the bricks left by the French expedition are removed and they enter the cave tomb, they discover a clay Egyptian style anthropoid sarcophagus marked King Cushan. They realize they have found the tomb of the Biblical villain, Cushan Rishathaim, Cushan the Doubly-Evil, of Judges 8. His mummy is headless and a sword is beside him in the sarcophagus. In another chamber they find a mummified head, a Toreph (singular of Terraphim) – obviously the skull of Cushan the Doubly-Evil. Kendrick inserts the Azazel nameplate into the skull’s mouth. At that instant an invisible barrier descends over the entrance to the cave. They are trapped inside with the Toreph that now begins to speak. .

Monster:
The nature of the beast.

The Toreph (Azazel) speaks and knows each person by name and his agenda is to wreak torment and evil on all of them whom he has trapped in the cave/tomb.all the world. Then Azazel produces a supposed apparition of Hassan’s dead brother Hussein begging him too join him in the afterlife, where he needs him. Hassan asks whether or not he is in Jinnah (garden of paradise, in Islam) or hell. Hassan grab’s Bob Barton’s gun to commit suicide and join his brother. Ned pleads with Hassan not to kill himself, it’s not your brother who is speaking to you. Your brother would not want you to kill yourself. This is a demon conjured by Azazel who is a leader of demons.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated
/ Trapped / Abducted

The Archaeology team is trapped in the cave/tomb.

One
of us killed

The Toreph tells Hassan that his brother is calling him to go join him.

Hassan: In Jinnah?

Toreph: No, not the Garden of Paradise. The fire of Hell.

Ned: Don’t listen. He is Azazel, a liar.

The Toreph conjures an apparition of Hussein who beckons Hassan to join him.

Hassan grab’s Bob Barton’s gun to commit suicide and join his brother. Ned pleads with Hassan not to kill himself, it’s not your brother who is speaking to you. Your brother would not want you to kill yourself. This is a demon conjured by Azazel who is a leader of demons. But Hassan says he “would do anything for his brother if he needs me.” He shoots himself.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

Full
pursuit by the killer AND terrorized

Bob grabs his gun from Hassan’s lifeless hand and fires, but the bullet ricochets off an te invisible barrier that protects the Toreph. The ricocheting bullet mortally wounds Kendrick.

Toreph: I am Azazel, I taught humanity the use of weapons. Of course I would protect myself from weapons first. Serves you right that the evil you intended for me would come to you.

Before Kendrick dies, he tells Ned, weapons are useless. Kaitlyn suggests that if iinserting the Azazel nameplate into the head’s mouth made Azazel possess the skull, then extracting it would exorcize Azazel. The invisible shield protects the Toreph only from weapons but you have none. Kendrick praises and agrees with Kaitlyn’s assessment.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight
to the death

It proves to be true, with no weapon, Ned can pass unobstructed through the protective barrier around the Toreph,

Toreph (Azazel): Trying to play Chess with me? This is no Chess game.

Ned: We’ll see about that.

Ned grabs the Toreph and pulls the Azazel nameplate out of his mouth. Azazel no longer possesses the skull, all the invisible barriers he erected are eliminated. Azazel no longer possesses the skull. Not seen by Bob and Kaitlyn is that Ned pockets the Azazel nameplate. Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn return the skull to the clay sarcophagus with the headless mummy of King Cushan.

Hysteria

As they walk away from the sarcophagus, the mummy of Cushan explodes out of the sarcophagus assailing them with his sword. The mummy of Cushan is possessed by Azazel, who speaks: “Now, I have found his entire body in which to dwell.”

The
thrilling escape from death

With the invisible barriers gone, Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn escape. Ned and Kaitlyn exit the cave/tomb. Ned directs Bob and Kaitlyn to join him as they climb up above the rocky surface around the cave entrance and push a bolder down on the mummy of Cushan, crushing him.

Ned: You see, it is a chess game. Royal Fork on you Azazel.

Bob and Kaitlyn climb down from above the cave entrance leaving Ned on top.

Death
returns to take one or more.
Azazel through Cushan’s mummy says to Ned: “Fork you!” As Azazel/Cushan point to Ned, a seismic
event happens, the cave/tomb collapses, taking Ned with it. Supposedly, it kills him. Azazel/Cushan crushed as he is beneath a
bolder, dies.
Resolution

Kaitlyn mourns Ned, comforted by Bob. When Ned suddenly pulls himself out of the rubble. He is resurrected by and now possessed by Azazel which Bob and Kaitlyn sense but then they react with denial. Ned shows Bob and Kaitlyn that he has the Azazel nameplate.

Kaitlyn: Why did you save that?

Bob: Yeah, that’s what started everything.

Ned: It is the only artefact from this location that survives.

This is the final horror: That Azazel will still operate from through a friend and lover, possessed by the demon.

It also sets up a sequel.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith’s Monster Reveal Track.

What I learned doing this assignment: Both from watching “The Thing” and doing the reveal track, I learned the rhythm of horror.

ASSIGHMENT 2 –

Create a Monster Reveal Track

Opening /Prologue

The monster self-transmits his power through a small gold nameplate engraved with the name of the demon Azazel. The Monster is Azazel.

(1) A lost goat is on the hill called Tel Esh-Shaytaneen (Hill of the Two Devils) and paws around a little in the sand. There is an explosion.

(2) The two goat-herding brothers, Hassan and Hussein, who had been looking for the goat, hear the explosion and come running and find the goat, to their horror dead and totally mangled. They also find the small gold nameplate, totally unaffected by the explosion. The goat’s pawing at it is what created the explosion.

ACT ONE: Locked into horror.

The brothers cannot read the name “Azazel” in ancient Hebrew letters but they know Dr. Colin Kendrick who is on a dig nearby, as they know it is an ‘antika’ they take it to him, trusting that Kendrick will make sense of it.

Monster reveal: The monster has destructive power that it can transmit from a distance through the Azazel nameplate.

Kendrick tells the two brothers that the word is the name of a demon angel, “Azazel” in Jewish tradition; Azazil in Arab-Muslim tradition. Although the brothers are reluctant to take Kendrick to the site where they found the Azazel nameplate, Kendrick insist that they do just that. At the location, Kendrick notices a cave opening higher up the craggy hill that has been sealed with stones. Although there is a warning sign that the cave is in danger of collapse, Kendrick begins to remove the stones. When he removes the first stone and gets an aperture to the cave’s interior, he peers in and sees nothing. But a moment later a streak of lightning fires from the cave through the aperture and kills Hussein.

Monster reveal: The monster is an unseen killer who can release his deadly power at will.

During Act One: The party is locked into horror.

Monster reveals: The monster communicates and hypnotically draws people to do its will at a distance through the gold Azazel nameplate.

Kendrick plans to return to Tel Esh-Shaytaneen and excavate the cave but calls Dr. Clement Leroux in Paris who left the warning sign in front of the cave. Leroux warns Kendrick to keep away from the site. Two members of his archaeological expedition mysteriously died or were murdered. Kendrick tells Leroux about the goat and Hussein’s death and that he has in his possession the Azazel gold nameplate. Leroux tells him to destroy it. He tells Kendrick that he is the one who threw it away in the sand now he wishes he had buried it in concrete.

Monster reveal: The nameplate has a mind of its own – the mind of Azazel.

Kendrick places the nameplate on the table while speaking with (protagonist) Ned Garner. It vibrates like a cell phone. This ends up compelling the group (Kendrick, Ned, Bob Barton, and Kaitlyn to mount the expedition rather than abandon the idea. .

The expedition proceeds. Upon entering the cave they discover that it is a tomb contianing the headless mummy of King Cushan Rishathaim, a villain in the Bible (Judges 8), whose name means Cushan the Doubly-Evil. They further discover a mummified head, obviously the head of Cushan

Monster reveal: The monster, Azazel the desert demon, finally speaks after Kendrick inserts the Azazel nameplate into the mouth of the mummified head. Azazel now spiritually possesses the mummified head and speaks. It is a Toreph, as Kendrick suspected, a skull used in Biblical times for necromancy and divination, animated when a demon’s name on a nameplate is inserted in its mouth, under its tongue, according to ancient sources.

Azazel also erects an invisible barrier to trap Kendrick and his party in the cave.

Monster reveal: The monster (Azazel) Toreph can summon demonic apparitions of the dead.

Azazel summons the spirit of Hussein the slain brother of Hassan, who is present. Hussein’s ghost calls and beckons Hassan to join him in the afterlife. Hassan grabs the gun of Bob Barton and shoots himself.

Monster limitation: Azazel is limited only to the cave tomb.

Monster reveal: Although confined, Azazel makes use of the limiting space of the cave. He has an invisible shield which protects him from gunfire and has control over the trajectory of bullets.

Act Two:

Bob Barton takes his gun back from Hassan’s lifeless hand and fires at the Toreph skull inhabited by Azazel, but the bullets ricochet and mortally wound Kendrick who, before dying, says extract the gold name plate and Azazel will be gone.

Monster weakness: Azazel’s spirit possession of the skull depends upon the presence of the Azazel nameplate being in his mouth.

MIDPOINT: THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT.

ACT 3 – Solving the Puzzle.

Before Kendrick dies, he advises Ned to take the nameplate out of the skull’s mouth.

Kendrick dies. As Ned has no weapon, he can walk through the invisible shield. He grabs the mummified head and extracts the Azazel nameplate. Azazel instantly departs the mummified head as if he was exorcised. With him the invisible shields vanish. The cave may now be exited.

Ned, Bob Barton, and Kaitlyn rejoin the mummified head with the headless mummy of King Cushan in the clay sarcophagus.

Ned pockets the Azazel nameplate.

One final kill.

Monster reveal: Azazel has taken possession of the headless mummy of King Cushan’ mummy rejoined with his head, and he explodes out of the clay sarcophagus and follows Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn while they attempt to flee the cave.

After exiting the cave, Ned climbs above, waits for the Azazel-possessed mummy of Cushan to exit the cave below him and pushes the bolder off the cliff and crushes the mummy. However, Azazel, speaking through the mummy, possesses Ned and causes the cave to collapse, crushing Ned with it. But Ned resurrects, possessed by Azazel and carrying the Azazel nameplate.

Monster reveal: Azazel possesses Ned. So, it looks like the lead (Ned) has survived but only because Azazel survives by possessing him.

This sets up the sequel.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith’s Character Death Track.

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” To use detailing in making clear the order of death. It is fun.

ASSIGNMENT

1. Give us the order your characters die in.

With each character tell us the why and how.

Character Death 1: Lost goat of the Arab goat-herding
brothers Hassan
and Hussein

Why: To start the Horror with an innocent who is killed.

How: Mysteriously mutilated.

Character Death 2: Hussein.

Why: To sustain the horror by a second innocent death

How: Struck by lightning coming from within the cave/tomb.

Character Death 3: Hassan.

Why: Sustain the horror. Hassan is another innocent and it seems right that he join his

brother (Hussein) in death.

How: Suicide by gunshot. Azazel (who has possessed the skull) summons an apparition

of Hussein who, in turn, summons his brother to join him in the Afterlife. Hassan grabs a gun from Bob Barton. Ned tries to talk him out of suicide, saying, that the apparition he sees is not his brother Hussein but a demonic angel conjured up by Azazel who is the leader of the demonic angels. The proof is that no spirit of Hussein would want you to kill yourself.

Character Death 4: Dr. Colin Kendrick, leader of the archaeological expedition.

Why: He made the bad decision of proceeding with the expedition which put

them all in harm’s way with a monster who already has killed a goat kid,

Hussein and Hassan. Hassan rebukes Kendrick for doing as much before Hassan dies (see above).

How: Azazel has erected bullet proof invisible shields around the cave/tomb so when

Bob Barton shoots at the skull, the bullets ricochet and one of them strikes

Kendrick and wounds him fatally.

Character Death 5: Ned Garner, the protagonist.

Why: The ultimate horror, (the protagonist) fighter against the demon Azazel is killed by

him but resurrects him possessed by Azazel – thus increasing the horror that the demon triumphs. This also happens to set up a sequel.

How: Ned had just crushed the Azazel-possessed mummy of Cushan with a boulder, but

the last act of Azazel is to possess Ned whom he resurrects from the collapse of

the cave/tomb, thus, snatching Ned’s hero’s victory from him and possessing Ned.

In other words, Ned is now possessed by the demon Azazel.

2. Build the answers into your outline.

THE OUTLINE

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere
of Evil established

While on an unrelated archaeological expedition, Dr. Colin Kendrick, head of the Archaeology Dept at Buckridge University in the USA, is approached by two Arab goat-herding brothers, whom he knows, Hassan and Hussein, who, while searching for a lost goat, had discovered, in the sand, an ancient gold nameplate engraved with the demonic name Azazel – a desert demon of Jewish and Arabic lore. Kendrick insists they take him to the place where they found it which they reluctantly do. The place is called the Hill of the Two Devils where they had found their lost goat dead and mutilated mysteriously. REACTION: Hussein wants to escape because he is afraid that the confluence of this place named “two devils” where his goat was mutilated, plus, the demonic nameplate can only mean impending evil. However, like the academic he is, Kendrick tries to solve the mystery,(1.) citing that in antiquity on the Day of Atonement a scapegoat was sent away into the desert to Azazel – the demonic name on the nameplate. Rationally speaking, Kendrick says, most likely, a wolf or jackal killed the goat. This only further terrifies Hussein for whom the wolf and the jackal have evil associations ,(1.).

The killing and mutilating of the small goat (an innocent, loved by Hassan and Hussein) starts the horror and reveals the loving character of Hassan and Hussein in contrast with the unseen evil entitity who killed the goat that is further given exposition by Kendrick.

Hussein loses all trust of Kendrick and fears for his safety (6) when Kendrick leads him and Hassan to just above where they had found the Azazel nameplate they find a a cave entrance that was sealed up by the last expedition that explored it – a French expedition led by Prof. Clement Leroux, who even left a warning sign in French, English, Arabic and Hebrew: “WARNING: CAVE IN DANGER OF COLLAPSE. Already excavated – nothing within. Date: 27/6/1992 signed by Clement Leroux” When Kendrick removes one brick from the cave entrance, a streak of lightning from the cave kills Hussein.

Character Death 2: Hussein.

Why: To sustain the horror by a second innocent person’s killing.

How: Struck by lightning coming from within the cave/tomb.

Hassan, fearing more evil to come, begs Kendrick to do nothing further (6). Kenrick tries to reassure Hassan, with explanations, but to no avail (6). Kendrick relents and climbs back down the hill with Hassan. But he vows he will return with an expedition from Buckridge U., where he teaches, the following year to open the cave which he believes is a tomb with Neolithic skulls similar to what Kenyon discovered in the 1950’s a short distance away – a major archaeological discovery. Kendrick believes he will make a major discovery like Kenyon’s. Kendrick takes the Azazel nameplate with him.

Connect
with the characters

We have connected with Dr Colin Kendrick, and Hassan already. We are now introduced to three aspiring archaeologists: Ned Garner, Bob Barton, and Kaitlyn Randolph. Ned is a chess enthusiast that Bob says shows his killer instinct as Ned defeats Bob at Chess with a Royal Fork move. Ned is still shy about joining Kendrick’s dig but Kaitlyn (Ned’s love interest) coaxes him, as she is going on the dig itself.

The
characters are warned not to do it.

Kendrick calls Prof. Clement Leroux in Paris, who was leader of the French expedition to the Hill of the Two Devils in 1992 who sealed the cave and posted the warning sign. Leroux states that the Azazel nameplate, now in Kendricks possession, he had thrown away because of its supernatural power. He urges Kendrick not to go to the Hill of the Two Devils! Two of his party died, or were murdered and Leroux felt he was responsible for putting them in harm’s way at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen. (4) He further states that the traumatic experience required him to have psychiatric treatment as he suffered a nervous breakdown and still has PTSD (2). He also tells Kendrick that the Azazel nameplate in his possession he had thrown away as soon as they had sealed the cave because it had “uncanny powers.”

Leroux: You should have left that plate in the sand where I threw it.

Now I wish that now that I had buried it. Dr. Kendrick! Get rid of that plate at once!

Kendrick is unfazed. Ned visits Kendrick in his office and is welcomed by him to the expedition with enthusiasm as Ned is a gifted linguist in ancient Near Eastern languages. Kendrick tells Ned everything that happened at Tel Ash-Shaytaneen, the previous year. Kendrick even shows him the Azazel gold nameplate, which on the table, ominously vibrates like a cell phone – a warning that there is a malevolent supernatural presence connected with the Azazel nameplate and the cave on the Hill of the Two Devils. Kendrick wants to share these details only with Ned, but Ned wants to tell the others as they should be told.

Denial
of Horror (8)
Accordingly, Kendrick calls a meeting of the team (Ned,
Bob, and Kaitlyn and tells them also the whole story of Tel
Esh-Shaytaneen. Bob Barton, the
comic relief of the film, betrays some superstitious proclivities and now
considers pulling out of the expedition (8), but in the end science prevails especially after Kendrick
tells them that the site is not far from ancient Jericho where Kenyon in
the 50’s discovered cultic skulls from the Neolithic era which assures
Kendrick that they will make a similar discovery, perhaps of Teraphim (sing.
Toreph, i.e., skulls used as household gods for necromancy and divination
in Biblical times and quotes the Bible and other traditions as evidence in
support. He shows them the Azazel
nameplate, which he claims, in antiquity, was inserted into the mouths of
the skulls by necromancers, so that they could speak to the
necromancer. Bottom line: All the team wants to proceed with the
expedition and make the bad decision of doing so as they believe they
will make a major discovery in Near Eastern Archaeology. Bottom line: The horror is denied. (8)

Safety
taken away

In the cave at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen the team is joined by Hassan who is there to convince Kendrick and his party to abandon the site for their own good. But Kendrick directs the team to remove the warning sign and stones from the cave entrance that were left by Leroux. While he stops from the task to catch his breath, Bob Barton asks Kendrick a question that further deepens the mystery of Tel Esh-Shaytaneen:

Barton: Hey, the words mean “Hill of the Two Devils.” Well, if Azazel

of the nameplate is Demon One. Who is Demon Two?

Ned: An excellent question.

Kendrick: Well, lets pull down these stones and get inside where we

might find an excellent answer.

When the stones left by the French expedition are removed and they enter the cave tomb, they discover a clay Egyptian style anthropoid sarcophagus marked King Cushan. They realize they have found the tomb of the Biblical villain, Cushan Rishathaim, Cushan the Doubly-Evil of the Book of Judges, chapter 8. An historic discovery!

Kendrick: There you are, Mister Barton. There’s your Demon Number

Two and we have made a historic discovery.

His mummy is headless and a sword is beside him in the sarcophagus. In another chamber they find a mummified skull, a Toreph (singular of Teraphim) – obviously the skull of Cushan the Doubly-Evil but on the skull is written the name of the demon “Azazel.” . Kendrick inserts the Azazel nameplate into the skull’s mouth. At that instant an invisible shield descends over the entrance to the cave. They are trapped inside with the Toreph that now begins to speak – according to the traditions about skulls being used for divination and necromancy. (9)

Monster:
The nature of the beast.

The Toreph speaks and knows each person by name.(8)

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated
/ Trapped / Abducted

The Archaeology team is trapped in the cave/tomb. (9)

One
of us killed

The Toreph (Azazel) tells Hassan that his brother is calling him to go join him.

Hassan: He calls me from Jinnah?

Toreph: No, not from the Garden of Paradise. From the fire of Hell. See for

yourself.

The Toreph (Azazel) conujures up an apparition of Hussein which beckons for Hassan to come with him. Hassan grabs a gun from Bob Barton and puts it to his head.

Ned: Don’t listen to the Toreph, Hassan. He is Azazel, the deceiver of the

human race and the leader of the demonic angels. What you see is not

your brother but a demon. Would your brother want you to kill yourself?

Hassan: My brother needs me. (Hassan shoots himself.)

The apparition of Hussein vanishes.

Before Hassan dies, like his brother before him, Hassan rebukes Kendrick for bringing them into harm’s way.(4) This sets up the next death, i.e., Dr. Kendrick.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

Full
pursuit by the killer AND terrorized

Bob pulls his gun Hassan’s dead hand and then fires it at the skull, but the bullet ricochets off an invisible barrier that protects the Toreph. The ricocheting bullet mortally wounds Kendrick.

Toreph: I am Azazel, I taught humanity the use of weapons. Of course, I would

protect myself from weapons first. Serves you right that the evil you intended for me would come back to you.

Before Kendrick dies, he expresses regret for putting all of them in harm’s way(4), and tells Ned, weapons are useless. You must extract the Azazel nameplate from his mouth.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight
to the death

With no weapon, Ned can pass unobstructed through the protective invisible shield around the Toreph,

Toreph (Azazel): Trying to play Chess with me? This is no Chess game.

Ned: We’ll see about that.

Ned grabs the Toreph and pulls the Azazel nameplate out of his mouth. Azazel no longer possesses the skull, all the invisible barriers he erected are eliminated. Not seen by Bob and Kaitlyn is that Ned pockets the Azazel nameplate. Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn return the skull to the clay sarcophagus with the headless mummy of King Cushan, whose skull it is.

Hysteria

As they walk away from the sarcophagus, the mummy of Cushan explodes out of the sarcophagus assailing them with his sword. The mummy of Cushan is possessed by Azazel, who speaks: “Now, I have found his entire body in which to dwell”(3).

The
thrilling escape from death

With the invisible barriers gone, Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn escape. Ned and Kaitlyn exit the cave/tomb. Ned directs Bob and Kaitlyn to join him as they climb up above the cave entrance and push a bolder down on the mummy of Cushan, crushing him.

Ned: You see, it is a chess game. Royal Fork on you Azazel.

Bob and Kaitlyn climb down from above the cave entrance leaving Ned on top.

Death
returns to take one or more.
Azazel speaking through Cushan’s mummy says to
Ned: “Fork you!” As Azazel/Cushan points to Ned and dies,
a seismic event happens, the cave/tomb collapses, taking Ned with it (9). Supposedly, the cave-in it kills Ned as
it also further crushes Azazel/Cushan who dies..
Resolution

Kaitlyn mourns Ned, comforted by Bob. When Ned suddenly pulls himself out of the rubble, Ned is now possessed by Azazel which Bob and Kaitlyn sense but then they react with denial. Ned shows Bob and Kaitlyn that he has the Azazel nameplate (3) (5).

Kaitlyn: Why did you save that thing? It started all our problems..

Ned: In the name of science, it is the only artefact from this site that

survives.

This is the final horror: That Azazel will still operate through a friend and love whom he has possessed. (3)

Why must Ned die? Because it is the ultimate horror: The protagonist fighter against the demon loses even though he has killed the mummy Azazel possesses. Azazel has won after all. He kills Ned but resurrects him in order to possess him, thus increasing the horror that the demon snatches triumph from the hero-protagonist by killing him and then resurrecting him and possessing him.

How: Ned had just crushed the Azazel-possessed mummy of Cushan with a boulder, but

the last act of Azazel is to possess Ned whom he kills by collapsing the cave and then resurrects from the collapse of the cave/tomb, thus, snatching Ned’s hero’s victory from him and possessing Ned.

In other words, Ned is now possessed by the demon Azazel.

It also sets up a sequel.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith’s Horror Situation Track

What I learned doing this assignment is: Being generous with my imagination to concoct horror situations apart from the script that can be integrated into it.

. Build horror situations into your plot by taking the following steps:

STEP 1:
Brainstorm 20 to 50 potential horror situations for your story.

1. Denial of horror by a group except for one person who scares the rest of the group with his insistence of the reality of the horror but can’t get them to change their position.

2. Find an animal that has been mutilated mysteriously.

3. Supernatural power that overwhelms.

4. Being driven insane, or the fear of being driven insane.

5. You think you eliminated one monster but another arises. Or, you eliminated one monster but the monster returns in a different form.

6. Unwittingly causing the death of another member of the group.

7. A friend turns into a monster.

8. A magic spell actually works (or seems to) and the person who was the object of the spell not so coincidentially is hurt.

9. The monster is attractive.

10. You are lost and losing trust in the leader who has led you into a scary situation.

11. The monster can read your mind.

12. The monster that bites you from or in a place where you don’t expect it.

13. In the most comfortable place, the monster attacks.

14. The monster kidnaps a loved one whom you see die by its hands.

15. On their wedding day, the bride and groom are attacked.

16. Or, the Bride and the Groom are the monsters.

17. Your otherwise innocent pet is the monster.

18. You’re settling in for a relaxing night at home, you turn on the television and the monster speaks to you through it.

19. You’re a teenager, your friends dare you to spend the night in a cemetery. You do but what you find is a crazy guy who disguises himself as a vampire, who attacks you.

20. You’re at the University library, it’s after midnight, all the lights are off except in the study room where you are. Your friends try to scare you. Then everybody realizes there’s somebody else in the library who is trying and succeeding to do the same to you and your friends. But who, or what, is he?

21. The monster lusts after you or lusts after your girlfriend.

22. You’re a night watchman in the University, as you pass by the bust of a distinguished past professor, you see the bust sweating blood.

STEP 2:
Determine which of those work best for your plot.

Those written in bold (above) are the situations that I will use for my plot.

They are:

1. Denial of horror by a group except for one person who scares the rest of the group with his insistence of the reality of the horror but can’t get them to change their position.

Find an animal that has been mutilated mysteriously.

Supernatural power that overwhelms.

2. Being driven insane, or the fear of being driven insane.

3. You think you eliminated one monster but another arises. Or, you eliminated one monster but the monster returns in a different form.

4. Unwittingly causing the death of another member of the group.

5. A friend turns into a monster.

6. You are lost and losing trust in the leader who has led you into a scary situation.

7. The monster can read your mind.

8. The group insists that the one person’s fear is irrational and should get over it and join the group.

9. The monster has supernatural powers that overwhelms the group.

STEP 3:
Add a Reaction (denial, solve it, hide, escape, or fight) to the selected
Horror situations.

1. Find an animal that has been mutilated mysteriously.

REACTION: Some try to escape, but others try to solve it.

2. Being driven insane, or the fear of being driven insane.

REACTION: Fight it (talk yourself out of fear that you’re going insane).

3. You think you eliminated one monster but another arises. Or, you eliminated one monster but the monster returns in a different form.

REACTION: Fight it.

4. Unwittingly causing the death of another member of the group.

REACTION: Denial. Regret. Escape.

5. A friend turns into a monster.

REACTION: Denial.

6. You are lost and losing trust in the leader who has led you into a scary situation.

REACTION: Solve it. Escape.

7. The monster can read your mind.

REACTION: Fight it.

8. The group insists that the one person’s fear is irrational and should get over it and join the group.

REACTION: Solve it.

9. The monster has supernatural powers that overwhelms the group.

REACTION: Fight it.

STEP 4: Put
Horror Situations/Reactions in the plot and label them.

Below is my script outline based on an earlier lesson. As the plot blurb is short I’ll use the

Outline from an earlier lesson with the situation and reaction labeled by numbers in bold print corresponding the the numbered situation/reaction, above. I hope that is acceptable, as I couldn’t see how to put it in the plot blurb..

PLOT: An archaeological expedition to the Tel Esh-Shaytaneen, or Hill of the Two Devils discovers a mummified severed skull possessed by the ancient desert demon Azazel.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere
of Evil established

While on an unrelated archaeological expedition, Dr. Colin Kendrick, head of the Archaeology Dept at Buckridge University in the USA, is approached by two Arab goat-herding brothers, Hassan and Hussein, who, while searching for a lost goat, had discovered, in the sand, an ancient gold nameplate engraved with the demonic name Azazel – a desert demon of Jewish and Arabic lore. Kendrick insists they take him to the place where they found it which they reluctantly do. The place is called the Hill of the Two Devils where they had found their lost goat dead and mutilated mysteriously. REACTION: Hussein wants to escape because he is afraid with the confluence of this place named “two devils” where his goat was mutilated, plus, the demonic nameplate. However, like the academic he is, Kendrick tries to solve the mystery,(1.) citing that in antiquity on the Day of Atonement a scapegoat was sent away into the desert to Azazel – the demonic name on the nameplate. Or a wolf or jackal killed the goat. This only further terrifies Hussein for whom the wolf and the jackal have evil associations ,(1.). Hussein loses all trust of Kendrick and fears for his safety (6) when Kendrick leads him and Hassan to just above where they had found found the Azazel nameplate where there is a cave entrance that was sealed up by the last expedition that explored it – a French expedition led by Prof. Clement Leroux, even left a warning sign in French, English, Arabic and Hebrew: “WARNING, CAVE IN DANGER OF COLLAPSE. Already excavated – nothing within.” When Kendrick removes one brick from the cave entrance, a streak of lightning kills Hussein. Hassan, fearing more evil to come, begs Kendrick to do nothing further (6). Kenrick tries to reassure Hassan, with explanations,, but to no avail (6). Kendrick relents and climbs back down the hill with Hassan. But he vows he will return with an expedition from Buckridge U. the following year to open the cave which he believes is a tomb with Neolithic skulls similar to what Kenyon discovered in the 1950’s a short distance away – a major archaeological discovery. Kendrick believes he will make a major discovery like Kenyon’s. Kendrick takes the Azazel nameplate with him.

Connect
with the characters

We have connected with Dr Colin Kendrick, and Hassan already. We are now introduced to three aspiring archaeologists: Ned Garner, Bob Barton, and Kaitlyn Randolph. Ned is a chess enthusiast that Bob says shows his killer instinct as Ned defeats Bob at Chess with a Royal Fork move. Ned is still shy about joining Kendrick’s dig but Kaitlyn (Ned’s love interest) coaxes him, as she is going on the dig itself.

The
characters are warned not to do it.

Kendrick calls Prof. Clement Leroux in Paris, who was leader of the French expedition to the Hill of the Two Devils. Leroux states that the Azazel nameplate, now in Kendricks possession, he had thrown away because of its supernatural power. He urges Kendrick not to go to the Hill of the Two Devils! Two of his party died, or were murdered and Leroux felt he was responsible for putting them in harms way at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen. (4) He further states that the traumatic experience required him to have psychiatric treatment as he suffered a nervous breakdown and still has PTSD (2). He also tells Kendrick that the Azazel nameplate in his possession he had thrown away as soon as they had sealed the cave because it had “uncanny powers.”

Leroux: You should have left that plate in the sand where I threw it.

I only wish that now I had buried it. Dr. Kendrick! Get rid of that plate at once!

Kendrick is unfazed. Ned visits Kendrick in his office and is welcomed by him to the expedition with enthusiasm as Ned is a gifted linguist in ancient Near Eastern languages. Kendrick tells Ned everything that happened at Tel Ash-Shaytaneen, the previous year. Kendrick even shows him the Azazel gold nameplate, which on the table, ominously vibrates like a cell phone – a warning that there is a malevolent supernatural presence connected with the Azazel nameplate and the cave on the Hill of the Two Devils. Kendrick wants to share these details only with Ned, but Ned wants to tell the others as they should be told.

Denial
of Horror (8)
Accordingly, Kendrick calls a meeting of the team (Ned,
Bob, and Kaitlyn and tells them also the whole story of Tel
Esh-Shaytaneen. Bob Barton, the
comic relief of the film, betrays some superstitious proclivities (8), but in the end science
prevails especially after Kendrick tells them that the site is not far
from ancient Jericho where Kenyon in the 50’s discovered cultic skulls
from the Neolithic era which assures Kendrick that they will make a
similar discovery, perhaps of Teraphim (skulls used as household gods for
necromancy and divination in Biblical times and quotes the Bible and other
traditions as evidence in support.
He shows them the Azazel nameplate, which he claims was inserted in
the mouths of the skulls so that they could speak to the necromancer. Bottom line: All the team wants to proceed with the
expedition which they believe will yield a major discovery in Near Eastern
Archaeology. Bottom line: The horror is denied. (8)

Safety
taken away

In the cave at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen the team is joined by Hassan who is there to convince Kendrick and his party to abandon the site for their own good. . When the bricks left by the French expedition are removed and they enter the cave tomb, they discover a clay Egyptian style anthropoid sarcophagus marked King Cushan. They realize they have found the tomb of the Biblical villain, Cushan Rishathaim, Cushan the Doubly-Evil. His mummy is headless and a sword is beside him in the sarcophagus. In another chamber they find a mummified skull, a Toreph (singular of Teraphim) – obviously the skull of Cushan the Doubly-Evil. Kendrick inserts the Azazel nameplate into the skull’s mouth. At that instant an invisible barrier descends over the entrance to the cave. They are trapped inside with the Toreph that now begins to speak – according to the traditions about skulls being used for divination. (9)

Monster:
The nature of the beast.

The Toreph speaks and knows each person by name.(8)

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated
/ Trapped / Abducted

The Archaeology team is trapped in the cave/tomb. (9)

One
of us killed

The Toreph tells Hassan that his brother is calling him to go join him.

Hassan: He calls me from Jinnah?

Toreph: No, not from the Garden of Paradise. From the fire of Hell.

Ned: Don’t listen to him, Hassan. He is Azazel, a liar.

The Toreph conjures an apparition of Hussein who beckons Hassan to join him.

Ned: Hassan! That’s not really your brother. Don’t follow him.

Hassan dies on the spot. Before he dies, like his brother before him, Hassan rebukes Kendrick for bringing them into harms way.(4)

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

Full
pursuit by the killer AND terrorized

Bob pulls out a gun and fires, but the bullet ricochets off an immediate invisible barrier that protects the Toreph. The ricocheting bullet mortally wounds Kendrick.

Toreph: I am Azazel, I taught humanity the use of weapons. Of course I would protect myself from weapons first. Serves you right that the evil you intended for me would come back to you.

Before Kendrick dies, he expresses regret for putting all of them in harms way(4), and tells Ned, weapons are useless. You must extract the Azazel nameplate from his mouth.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight
to the death

With no weapon, Ned can pass unobstructed through the protective barrier around the Toreph,

Toreph (Azazel): Trying to play Chess with me? This is no Chess game.

Ned: We’ll see about that.

Ned grabs the Toreph and pulls the Azazel nameplate out of his mouth. Azazel no longer possesses the skull, all the invisible barriers he erected are eliminated. Not seen by Bob and Kaitlyn is that Ned pockets the Azazel nameplate. Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn return the skull to the clay sarcophagus with the headless mummy of King Cushan, whose skull it is.

Hysteria

As they walk away from the sarcophagus, the mummy of Cushan explodes out of the sarcophagus assailing them with his sword. The mummy of Cushan is possessed by Azazel, who speaks: “Now, I have found his entire body in which to dwell”(3).

The
thrilling escape from death

With the invisible barriers gone, Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn escape. Ned and Kaitlyn exit the cave/tomb. Ned directs Bob and Kaitlyn to join him as they climb up above the cave entrance and push a bolder down on the mummy of Cushan, crushing him.

Ned: You see, it is a chess game. Royal Fork on you Azazel.

Bob and Kaitlyn climb down from above the cave entrance leaving Ned on top.

<div>Death
returns to take one or more.
Azazel through Cushan’s mummy says to Ned: “Fork you!” As Azazel/Cushan points to Ned, a
seismic event happens, the cave/tomb collapses, taking Ned with it (9). Supposedly, the cave-in it kills Ned as
it also further crushes Azazel/Cushan who dies..
</div><div>

Resolution Kaitlyn mourns Ned, comforted by Bob. When Ned suddenly pulls himself out of the rubble. Ned is now possessed by Azazel which Bob and Kaitlyn sense but then they react with denial. Ned shows Bob and Kaitlyn that he has the Azazel nameplate (3) (5).

</div>

Kaitlyn: Why did you save that thing? It started all our problems..

Ned: In the name of science, it is the only artefact from this site that

survives.

This is the final horror: That Azazel will still operate from through a friend and lover, possessed by the demon. (3)

It also sets up a sequel.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith’s Horror Situation Track

What I learned doing this assignment is: Being generous with my imagination to concoct horror situations apart from the script that can be integrated into it.

. Build horror situations into your plot by taking the following steps:

STEP 1:
Brainstorm 20 to 50 potential horror situations for your story.

1. Denial of horror by a group except for one person who scares the rest of the group with his insistence of the reality of the horror but can’t get them to change their position.

2. Find an animal that has been mutilated mysteriously.

3. Supernatural power that overwhelms.

4. Being driven insane, or the fear of being driven insane.

5. You think you eliminated one monster but another arises. Or, you eliminated one monster but the monster returns in a different form.

6. Unwittingly causing the death of another member of the group.

7. A friend turns into a monster.

8. A magic spell actually works (or seems to) and the person who was the object of the spell not so coincidentially is hurt.

9. The monster is attractive.

10. You are lost and losing trust in the leader who has led you into a scary situation.

11. The monster can read your mind.

12. The monster that bites you from or in a place where you don’t expect it.

13. In the most comfortable place, the monster attacks.

14. The monster kidnaps a loved one whom you see die by its hands.

15. On their wedding day, the bride and groom are attacked.

16. Or, the Bride and the Groom are the monsters.

17. Your otherwise innocent pet is the monster.

18. You’re settling in for a relaxing night at home, you turn on the television and the monster speaks to you through it.

19. You’re a teenager, your friends dare you to spend the night in a cemetery. You do but what you find is a crazy guy who disguises himself as a vampire, who attacks you.

20. You’re at the University library, it’s after midnight, all the lights are off except in the study room where you are. Your friends try to scare you. Then everybody realizes there’s somebody else in the library who is trying and succeeding to do the same to you and your friends. But who, or what, is he?

21. The monster lusts after you or lusts after your girlfriend.

22. You’re a night watchman in the University, as you pass by the bust of a distinguished past professor, you see the bust sweating blood.

STEP 2:
Determine which of those work best for your plot.

Those written in bold (above) are the situations that I will use for my plot.

They are:

1. Denial of horror by a group except for one person who scares the rest of the group with his insistence of the reality of the horror but can’t get them to change their position.

Find an animal that has been mutilated mysteriously.

Supernatural power that overwhelms.

2. Being driven insane, or the fear of being driven insane.

3. You think you eliminated one monster but another arises. Or, you eliminated one monster but the monster returns in a different form.

4. Unwittingly causing the death of another member of the group.

5. A friend turns into a monster.

6. You are lost and losing trust in the leader who has led you into a scary situation.

7. The monster can read your mind.

8. The group insists that the one person’s fear is irrational and should get over it and join the group.

9. The monster has supernatural powers that overwhelms the group.

STEP 3:
Add a Reaction (denial, solve it, hide, escape, or fight) to the selected
Horror situations.

1. Find an animal that has been mutilated mysteriously.

REACTION: Some try to escape, but others try to solve it.

2. Being driven insane, or the fear of being driven insane.

REACTION: Fight it (talk yourself out of fear that you’re going insane).

3. You think you eliminated one monster but another arises. Or, you eliminated one monster but the monster returns in a different form.

REACTION: Fight it.

4. Unwittingly causing the death of another member of the group.

REACTION: Denial. Regret. Escape.

5. A friend turns into a monster.

REACTION: Denial.

6. You are lost and losing trust in the leader who has led you into a scary situation.

REACTION: Solve it. Escape.

7. The monster can read your mind.

REACTION: Fight it.

8. The group insists that the one person’s fear is irrational and should get over it and join the group.

REACTION: Solve it.

9. The monster has supernatural powers that overwhelms the group.

REACTION: Fight it.

STEP 4: Put
Horror Situations/Reactions in the plot and label them.

Below is my outline based on an earlier lesson. As the plot blurb is short I’ll use the

Outline from an earlier lesson with the situation and reaction labeled by numbers in bold print corresponding the the numbered situation/reaction, above. I hope that is acceptable, as I couldn’t see how to put it in the plot section.

PLOT: An archaeological expedition to the Tel Esh-Shaytaneen, or Hill of the Two Devils discovers a mummified severed skull possessed by the ancient desert demon Azazel.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere
of Evil established

While on an unrelated archaeological expedition, Dr. Colin Kendrick, head of the Archaeology Dept at Buckridge University in the USA, is approached by two Arab goat-herding brothers, Hassan and Hussein, who, while searching for a lost goat, had discovered, in the sand, an ancient gold nameplate engraved with the demonic name Azazel – a desert demon of Jewish and Arabic lore. Kendrick insists they take him to the place where they found it which they reluctantly do. The place is called the Hill of the Two Devils where they had found their lost goat dead and mutilated mysteriously. REACTION: Hussein wants to escape because he is afraid with the confluence of this place named “two devils” where his goat was mutilated, plus, the demonic nameplate. However, like the academic he is, Kendrick tries to solve the mystery,(1.) citing that in antiquity on the Day of Atonement a scapegoat was sent away into the desert to Azazel – the demonic name on the nameplate. Or a wolf or jackal killed the goat. This only further terrifies Hussein for whom the wolf and the jackal have evil associations ,(1.). Hussein loses all trust of Kendrick and fears for his safety (6) when Kendrick leads him and Hassan to just above where they had found found the Azazel nameplate where there is a cave entrance that was sealed up by the last expedition that explored it – a French expedition led by Prof. Clement Leroux, even left a warning sign in French, English, Arabic and Hebrew: “WARNING, CAVE IN DANGER OF COLLAPSE. Already excavated – nothing within.” When Kendrick removes one brick from the cave entrance, a streak of lightning kills Hussein. Hassan, fearing more evil to come, begs Kendrick to do nothing further (6). Kenrick tries to reassure Hassan, with explanations,, but to no avail (6). Kendrick relents and climbs back down the hill with Hassan. But he vows he will return with an expedition from Buckridge U. the following year to open the cave which he believes is a tomb with Neolithic skulls similar to what Kenyon discovered in the 1950’s a short distance away – a major archaeological discovery. Kendrick believes he will make a major discovery like Kenyon’s. Kendrick takes the Azazel nameplate with him.

Connect
with the characters

We have connected with Dr Colin Kendrick, and Hassan already. We are now introduced to three aspiring archaeologists: Ned Garner, Bob Barton, and Kaitlyn Randolph. Ned is a chess enthusiast that Bob says shows his killer instinct as Ned defeats Bob at Chess with a Royal Fork move. Ned is still shy about joining Kendrick’s dig but Kaitlyn (Ned’s love interest) coaxes him, as she is going on the dig itself.

The
characters are warned not to do it.

Kendrick calls Prof. Clement Leroux in Paris, who was leader of the French expedition to the Hill of the Two Devils. Leroux states that the Azazel nameplate, now in Kendricks possession, he had thrown away because of its supernatural power. He urges Kendrick not to go to the Hill of the Two Devils! Two of his party died, or were murdered and Leroux felt he was responsible for putting them in harms way at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen. (4) He further states that the traumatic experience required him to have psychiatric treatment as he suffered a nervous breakdown and still has PTSD (2). He also tells Kendrick that the Azazel nameplate in his possession he had thrown away as soon as they had sealed the cave because it had “uncanny powers.”

Leroux: You should have left that plate in the sand where I threw it.

I only wish that now I had buried it. Dr. Kendrick! Get rid of that plate at once!

Kendrick is unfazed. Ned visits Kendrick in his office and is welcomed by him to the expedition with enthusiasm as Ned is a gifted linguist in ancient Near Eastern languages. Kendrick tells Ned everything that happened at Tel Ash-Shaytaneen, the previous year. Kendrick even shows him the Azazel gold nameplate, which on the table, ominously vibrates like a cell phone – a warning that there is a malevolent supernatural presence connected with the Azazel nameplate and the cave on the Hill of the Two Devils. Kendrick wants to share these details only with Ned, but Ned wants to tell the others as they should be told.

Denial
of Horror (8)
Accordingly, Kendrick calls a meeting of the team (Ned,
Bob, and Kaitlyn and tells them also the whole story of Tel
Esh-Shaytaneen. Bob Barton, the
comic relief of the film, betrays some superstitious proclivities (8), but in the end science
prevails especially after Kendrick tells them that the site is not far
from ancient Jericho where Kenyon in the 50’s discovered cultic skulls
from the Neolithic era which assures Kendrick that they will make a
similar discovery, perhaps of Teraphim (skulls used as household gods for
necromancy and divination in Biblical times and quotes the Bible and other
traditions as evidence in support.
He shows them the Azazel nameplate, which he claims was inserted in
the mouths of the skulls so that they could speak to the necromancer. Bottom line: All the team wants to proceed with the
expedition which they believe will yield a major discovery in Near Eastern
Archaeology. Bottom line: The horror is denied. (8)

Safety
taken away

In the cave at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen the team is joined by Hassan who is there to convince Kendrick and his party to abandon the site for their own good. . When the bricks left by the French expedition are removed and they enter the cave tomb, they discover a clay Egyptian style anthropoid sarcophagus marked King Cushan. They realize they have found the tomb of the Biblical villain, Cushan Rishathaim, Cushan the Doubly-Evil. His mummy is headless and a sword is beside him in the sarcophagus. In another chamber they find a mummified skull, a Toreph (singular of Teraphim) – obviously the skull of Cushan the Doubly-Evil. Kendrick inserts the Azazel nameplate into the skull’s mouth. At that instant an invisible barrier descends over the entrance to the cave. They are trapped inside with the Toreph that now begins to speak – according to the traditions about skulls being used for divination. (9)

Monster:
The nature of the beast.

The Toreph speaks and knows each person by name.(8)

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated
/ Trapped / Abducted

The Archaeology team is trapped in the cave/tomb. (9)

One
of us killed

The Toreph tells Hassan that his brother is calling him to go join him.

Hassan: In Jinnah?

Toreph: No, not from the Garden of Paradise. From the fire of Hell.

Ned: Don’t listen. He is Azazel, a liar.

The Toreph conjures an apparition of Hussein who beckons Hassan to join him.

Hassan dies on the spot. Before he dies, like his brother before him, Hassan rebukes Kendrick for bringing them into harms way.(4)

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

Full
pursuit by the killer AND terrorized

Bob pulls out a gun and fires, but the bullet ricochets off an immediate invisible barrier that protects the Toreph. The ricocheting bullet mortally wounds Kendrick.

Toreph: I am Azazel, I taught humanity the use of weapons. Of course I would protect myself from weapons first. Serves you right that the evil you intended for me would come to you.

Before Kendrick dies, he expresses regret for putting all of them in harms way(4), and tells Ned, weapons are useless. You must extract the Azazel nameplate from his mouth.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight
to the death

With no weapon, Ned can pass unobstructed through the protective barrier around the Toreph,

Toreph (Azazel): Trying to play Chess with me? This is no Chess game.

Ned: We’ll see about that.

Ned grabs the Toreph and pulls the Azazel nameplate out of his mouth. Azazel no longer possesses the skull, all the invisible barriers he erected are eliminated. Not seen by Bob and Kaitlyn is that Ned pockets the Azazel nameplate. Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn return the skull to the clay sarcophagus with the headless mummy of King Cushan, whose skull it is.

Hysteria

As they walk away from the sarcophagus, the mummy of Cushan explodes out of the sarcophagus assailing them with his sword. The mummy of Cushan is possessed by Azazel, who speaks: “Now, I have found his entire body in which to dwell”(3).

The
thrilling escape from death

With the invisible barriers gone, Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn escape. Ned and Kaitlyn exit the cave/tomb. Ned directs Bob and Kaitlyn to join him as they climb up above the cave entrance and push a bolder down on the mummy of Cushan, crushing him.

Ned: You see, it is a chess game. Royal Fork on you Azazel.

Bob and Kaitlyn climb down from above the cave entrance leaving Ned on top.

Death
returns to take one or more.
Azazel through Cushan’s mummy says to Ned: “Fork you!” As Azazel/Cushan point sto Ned, a
seismic event happens, the cave/tomb collapses, taking Ned with it (9). Supposedly, it kills him. Azazel/Cushan crushed as he is beneath a
bolder, dies.
Resolution

Kaitlyn mourns Ned, comforted by Bob. When Ned suddenly pulls himself out of the rubble. He is now possessed by Azazel which Bob and Kaitlyn sense but then they react with denial. Ned shows Bob and Kaitlyn that he has the Azazel nameplate (3) (5).

Kaitlyn: Why did you save that thing? It started all our problems..

Ned: In the name of science, it is the only artefact from this site that

survives.

This is the final horror: That Azazel will still operate from through a friend and lover, possessed by the demon. (3)

It also sets up a sequel.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT R SMITH HORROR PLOT

What I learned doing this assignment is an excellent structure as a vehicle to write my script.

ASSIGNMENT

Create your plot.

1. Knowing your concept, fill in one or two sentences for each of the plot points.

PLOT: An archaeological expedition to the Tel Esh-Shaytaneen, or Hill of the Two Devils discovers a mummified severed skull possessed by the ancient desert demon Azazel.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere
of Evil established

While on an unrelated archaeological expedition, Dr. Colin Kendrick, head of the Archaeology Dept at Buckridge University in the USA, is approached by two Arab goat-herding brothers, Hassan and Hussein, who, while searching for a lost goat, had discovered, in the sand, an ancient gold nameplate engraved with the demonic name Azazel – a desert demon of Jewish (Biblical) and Arabic lore. Kendrick insists they take him to the place where they found it but they are reluctant. The place is called the Hill of the Two Devils and they had found their lost goat dead and mangled near the site which is just below a cave entrance that was sealed by the last expedition to explore it – a French expedition that even left a warning sign in French, English, Arabic and Hebrew: “WARNING, CAVE IN DANGER OF COLLAPSE. Already excavated – nothing within.” When Kendrick removes one brick from the cave entrance, Hussein falls over dead of an apparent heart attack. Hassan, fearing more evil to come, begs him to do nothing further. Kendrick vows he will return with an expedition from Buckridge U. the following year to open the cave which he believes is a tomb with Neolithic skulls similar to what Kenyon discovered in the 1950’s a short distance away – a major archaeological discovery.

Connect
with the characters

We have connected with Dr Colin Kendrick already. We are now introduced to three aspiring archaeologists: Ned Garner, Bob Barton, and Kaitlyn Randolph. Ned is a chess enthusiast that Bob says shows his killer instinct as Ned defeats Bob at Chess with a Royal Fork move. Ned is still shy about joining Kendrick’s dig but Kaitlyn, Ned’s love interest coaxes him, as she is going.

The
characters are warned not to do it.

Ned visits Kendrick in his office and is welcomed by him to the expedition with enthusiasm as Ned is a gifted linguist in ancient Near Eastern languages. Kendrick tells Ned everything that happened at Tel Ash-Shaytaneen, the previous year. Kendrick even shows him the Azazel gold nameplate, which on the table, ominously vibrates like a cell phone – warning that there is a malevolent supernatural presence connected with the Azazel nameplate and the cave on Hill of the Two Devils. Kendrick wants to share these details only with Ned, but Ned wants to tell the others as they should be told just as new owners she be told ahead of time if something violent happened in a house.

Denial
of Horror

Accordingly, Kendrick calls a meeting of the team (Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn and tells them also the whole story of Tel Esh-Shaytaneen. Bob, the comic relief of the show betrays some superstitiousness, but in the end science prevails especially after Kendrick tells them that the site is not far from ancient Jericho where Kenyon in the 50’s discovered cultic skulls from the Neolithic era. Kendrick is sure they will make a similar discovery, perhaps of Teraphim (skulls used as household gods for necromancy and divination in Biblical times and quotes the Bible as evidence, as well as that the Azazel nameplate was inserted in the mouths of the skulls so that they ould speak to the necromancer. Bottom line: All the team wants to proceed with the expedition which they believe will yield a major discovery in Near Eastern Archaeology. Bottom line: The horror is denied.

Safety
taken away

In the cave at Tel Esh-Shaytaneen the team again is joined by Hassan. When the bricks left by the French expedition are removed and they enter the cave tomb, they discover a clay Egyptian style anthropoid sarcophagus marked King Cushan. They realize they have found the tomb of the Biblical villain, Cushan Rishathaim, Cushan the Doubly-Evil. His mummy is headless and a sword is beside him in the sarcophagus. In another chamber they find a mummified skull, a Toreph (singular of Terraphim) – obviously the skull of Cushan the Doubly-Evil. Kendrick inserts the Azazel nameplate into the skull’s mouth. At that instant an invisible barrier descends over the entrance to the cave. They are trapped inside with the Toreph that now begins to speak. .

Monster:
The nature of the beast.

The Toreph speaks and knows each person by name.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated
/ Trapped / Abducted

The Archaeology team is trapped in the cave/tomb.

One
of us killed

The Toreph tells Hassan that his brother is calling him to go join him.

Hassan: In Jinnah?

Toreph: No, not from the Garden of Paradise. From the fire of Hell.

Ned: Don’t listen. He is Azazel, a liar.

The Toreph conjures an apparition of Hussein who beckons Hassan to join him.

Hassan dies on the spot.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

Full
pursuit by the killer AND terrorized

Bob pulls out a gun and fires, but the bullet ricochets off an immediate invisible barrier that protects the Toreph. The ricocheting bullet mortally wounds Kendrick.

Toreph: I am Azazel, I taught humanity the use of weapons. Of course I would protect myself from weapons first. Serves you right that the evil you intended for me would come to you.

Before Kendrick dies, he tells Ned, weapons are useless. Extract the Azazel nameplate from his mouth.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight
to the death

With no weapon, Ned can pass unobstructed through the protective barrier around the Toreph,

Toreph: Trying to play Chess with me? This is no Chess game.

Ned: We’ll see about that.

Ned grabs the Toreph and pulls the Azazel nameplate out of his mouth. All the invisible barriers are eliminated. Azazel no longer possesses the skull. Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn return the skull and the nameplate to the clay sarcophagus with the headless mummy of King Cushan.

Hysteria

As they walk away from the sarcophagus, the mummy of Cushan explodes out of the sarcophagus assailing them with his sword. The mummy of Cushan is possessed by Azazel, who speaks: “You should not have put the plate with my name next to Cushan. Now, I have found his entire body in which to dwell.”

The
thrilling escape from death

With the invisible barriers gone, Ned, Bob, and Kaitlyn escape. Ned and Kaitlyn exit the cave/tomb. Ned directs Bob and Kaitlyn to join him as they climb up above the cave entrance and push a bolder down on the mummy of Cushan, crushing him.

Ned: You see, itt is a chess game. Royal Fork on you Azazel.

Bob and Kaitlyn climb down from above the cave entrance leaving Ned on top.

Azazel, speaking through Cushan’s mummy points to Ned and says, “Fork you!”

Death
returns to take one or more.
Azazel through Cushan’s mummy says to Ned: “Fork you!” As Azazel/Cushan point sto Ned, a
seismic event happens, the cave/tomb collapses, taking Ned with it. Supposedly, it kills him. Azazel/Cushan crushed as he is beneath a
bolder, dies.
Resolution

Kaitlyn mourns Ned, comforted by Bob. When Ned suddenly pulls himself out of the rubble. He is now possessed by Azazel.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith Characters for Horror

What I learned doing this assignment is: The importance of intentionality in creating horror characters whose fates fit their characters.

My film title: The Toreph

Assignment Lesson #3

1. Tell us the concept and group you have chosen.

The monster is a Toreph, singular for Teraphim from the Bible Genesis 31. “Teraphim” is usually translated “household gods,” meaning idols. However, another tradition says they were mummified severed heads that were used for the occult purposes of necromancy and divination after being animated by a demon who speaks after a gold nameplate with a demon’s name is inserted into the mouth of the skull, under its tongue. The demon is Azazel, a desert demon of Jewish and Arabic mythology.

The Group: “Professionals.” A team of archaeologists who make the mistake of entering a forbidden cave / tomb at a place they should have stayed away from as it is known among the locals as Tel Esh-Shaitan, “Satan’s Hill.”

2. Give us the dying pattern of this movie.

The Toreph is discovered in a cave south of ancient Jericho in Israel and it is the professional team of archaeologists which is the group that the Toreph will attempt to kill and in a few cases he succeeds.

3. Give us an identity and a sentence for each character that makes up your group.

The group of professional archaeologists is:

Professor Colin Kendrick, leader of the archaeological expedition who dug everybody into a death trap into which he himself has fallen. Victim.

Osman, the innocent guide whose only crimes are discovering the gold nameplate engraved with the name of the demon Azazel and being in the wrong cave at the wrong time.

“Boots” Barton an archaeologist and pal of Ned Garner. Boots will have endeared himself to the audience by his comic relief in the story that his killing will break their hearts and further accentuate the total evil of the Toreph.

Kaitlyn Randolph is the love interest of Ned Garner who interests Azazel, the Toreph, as well, Azazel led those Fallen Angels who desired human women (Genesis 6:1-4; Enoch 9:1-8). Survivor.

Ned Garner, lead character and rescuer, aspiring archaeologist and chess enthusiast. Will he put the Toreph in a Royal Fork? Survivor

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith Terrifying Monster 61721

What I learned doing this assignment is adhere to the characteristics of a monster to shape your monster.

My film title: The Toreph

Assignment Lesson #2

Tell us what or who your monster is?

A Toreph, singular for Teraphim from the Bible Genesis 31. “Teraphim” is usually translated “household gods,” meaning idols. However, another tradition says they were mummified severed heads that were used for the occult purposes of necromancy and divination. It is said that what animated each cultic skull was a small gold nameplate engraved with the name of a demon being placed under the tongue of the skull. – in this case, the demon is the desert demon Azazel of Jewish and Arabic mythology. He is mentioned in Leviticus (16 and 17) and in the mysterious Book of Enoch (13) where he is said to be a commander of the Fallen Angels. My monster is unique, as no one to my knowledge has ever made a monster based on the Teraphim of the Bible, who in my screenplay is discovered in a cave/tomb by an archaeological expedition.

The Monster’s terror:

The Toreph (the Azazel-possessed skull) is capable of moving things by telekinesis. He behaves like a poltergeist, only deadly. He kills Prof. Kendrick, the director of the archaeological dig. He can hypnotize people and disable peoples’ ability to protect themselves. He creates an invisible shield to protect himself from weapons.

The monster’s mystery:

He is relentless and deadly. As for how he can be subdued the answer is simple but hard

to execute. As Azazel possesses the skull when the gold nameplate with his name is placed

under his tongue, so also he is expelled from the skull when the nameplate is removed from under the tongue. The question is, “How to get close enough to do it.” Eventually, Ned, the protagonist does. This brings temporary relief. However, to where does Azazel flee? In the cave where the skull is found, there is the sarcophagus of the mummified body of a Biblical villain, Cushan Rishathaim, Cushan the Doubly-Evil. Ned, Boots Barton, and Kaitlyn Randolph figure that the skull belongs in the Sarcophagus with the body. What happens, however, is that after they place the skull with the body, it is clear that Azazel has fled to possess the body of Cushan and now reunites the skull with the body materially and Cushan arises from the sarcophagus with his doubly evil violence against

the aforementioned archaeologists.

The fear-provoking appearance:

Azazel is a mummified skull when reunited with Cushan he becomes a full and menacing mummy of a villainous ruler of antiquity.

The monster’s rule:

The monster, Azazel-incarnate is unrelentingly deadly against those who do not come to

the cave for occult purposes, i.e., the archaeologists..

The Monster’s Mythology:

Much of his mythology is in my reply to “who is my monster?”

The distant backstory immediate to my film is that a French expedition in the 1970’s had already discovered this tomb/cave. They learned that it was a place of occult practices of

necromancy and divination in the past. And when they had begun to tamper with the

skull, they were assailed with all the occult and deadly power of Azazel. They had found a way of removing the gold nameplate from the mouth of the skull. They threw it away into the desert and sealed the tomb with bricks and stones in the hope that no one would ever enter the cave again. The even erected a sign, “Ne pas creuser. Il n’y a rien à l’intérieur, » « Do not excavate, there is nothing within. » The same words are repeated in Hebrew and Arabic. Yet, more recently, a Bedouin discovers the gold nameplate in the sand and gives it to Prof. Colin Kendrick, who, at that time, was at Jericho for another excavation nearby. Kendrick keeps the nameplate and plans to return to defy the warning of the French archaeologists and excavate the cave. Since time immemorial, the Bedouin have stayed away from the place, which was called Tel Esh-Shaitan or « Devil’s Hill. » and considered it haunted by afareet, or malevolent spirits of the dead. Years later, the film begins with Kendrick accepting his student, the aspiring archaeologist Ned Garner on the expedition to Tel Esh-Shaitan and confides in him the background of Tel Esh-Shaitan, as summarized above. Kendrick shows Ned the gold nameplate with the name of Azazel engraved upon it. When he places it on the table at which they are sitting, the nameplate appears to vibrate like a cell phone, suggesting a malevolent spiritual presence.

[Robert Smith]

“The Mummy’s Hand” (Universal 1940). Analysis according to horror conventions.

What I learned from this assignment: I learned the conventions of horror and how to keep my creativity disciplined and on track with these Horror Concepts and Conventions.

TITLE/CONCEPT “The Mummy’s Hand” because he kills with his only good hand. Mummy is still alive and can be sustained by fluid from the Tana leaves.

Most of the first quarter of the film is a set up for the rest of the story including and especially the cast.

THE MUMMY (KHARIS – Tom Tyler) is introduced by flashback, as the lover of the Princess Ananka She died and was buried. Kharis tried to bring the Princesss back to life by the fluid of the Tana leaves, but was arrested and buried alive as punishment for this sacrilege.

STEVE BANNON (Dick Foran): Young Archaeologist who wants to find the tomb of Princess Ananka.

BABE JENSEN (Wallace Ford): Steve’s buddy who provides comic relief.

PROF. SOLVANI (Cecil Calloway): A magician who agrees to finance Steve’s expedition.

MARTA (Peggy Moran): His daughter and eventually Steve’s love interest. Although originally she thought Steve and Babe were swindling her father.

PROF. ANDOHEB (George Zucco): Of the Cairo Museum but he is also High Priest of Karnak and keeper of the secret of Ananka’s tomb and of Kharis who is its guardian. He tries to discourage Steve’s expedition when he brings to him a broken vase Steve things gives clues to the location of Ananka’s tomb which Andoheb says is a fake. He is the villainous High Priest who controls Kharis, the Mummy. He warns against taking an expedition to the area of Ananka’s tomb, known as the Hill of the Seven Jackals, claiming that it is the most dangerous area in Egypt where two expeditions have gone before and were never heard from again.

DR. PETRIE (Charles Trowbridge) is an eminent Egyptologist who disagrees with Andoheb and believes the vase is authentic. He wants to join Steve in the expedition.

The expedition is Bannon, Jensen, Petrie, and Solvani as financier. His daughter. Marta is present to accompany her father.

* *

HORROR CONVENTIONS

TITLE / CONCEPT: The Mummy is brought back to life by fluid of the Tana leaves to be administered by the cycle of the Full Moon: 3 leaves for life. 9 for movement. If he is given more than 9 leaves, he becomes an uncontrollable monster. He destroys all who would plunder the tomb of his beloved Princess Ananka which is exactly what Bannon, Jensen, and Petrie will do in the name of Egyptology.

TERRORIZING THE CHARACTERS: First the Egyptian workers are frightened by the discovery of the tomb. They believe it is cursed. The skeletal remains of archaeologists from a previous expedition are unearthed, confirming Prof. Andoheb’s warning not to go to the Hill of the Seven Jackals, claiming that it is the most dangerous area of Egypt where two expeditions have previously ventured and were never heard from again. This sets the scene for what could happen to them. Bannon is unfazed. Dynamite is used on the cliff and exposes the entrance to a sealed tomb in the mountain side. In it they find the mummy of Kharis. That night, while Petrie is investigating and analyzes the mummy, he is startled when Andoheb appears he asks Petrie to feel the pulse of Kharis. Petrie feels a faint pulse. When Andoheb pours fluid into the mouth of the mummy, his pulse becomes stronger. He is alive and rises and strangles Petrie to death.

From here the story is set: Who is next?

First is ALI, the Egyptian guide who discovers a vial of Tana fluid left for the mummy with Andoheb’s instruction, “Where you find the vial of the fluid, kill the unbeliever who is there. So, the Mummy kills Ali.

Bannon breaks open the bags and distributes weapons.

Bannon offers his own tent for Solvani and Marta to bed down for the night. Solvani notices a vial of fluid is on a table in the tent but thinks nothing of it.

Solvani and Marta fall asleep. We see the sillouette of the mummy approach the tent and open, drink the Tana fluid and scares Solvani awake, and strangles him. Marta awakens and screams in terror. Kharis the Mummy carries her off to the Temple which is Princess Ananka’s tomb.

There he lays her on what looks like an altar. She is tied down by Andoheb. When she awakens he tells her that he and she will become immortal when he injects her and himself with the Tana fluid. Here, Andoheb is finally revealed as a Monster himself.

However, both Babe Jensen and Steve Bannon are trying to find Marta and the Mummy. Bannon discovers a passageway which he enters, believing it leads to the Tomb of Ananka. He is being followed by the Mummy but doesn’t know it. Jensen has been searching by full moon around the mountain where he comes to a stair way to the Temple and climbs it. He is approached by a Hyena and shoots at it. Andoheb hears the gunfire and places down the syringe in a table drawer and pulls out a gun that he conceals beneath his robe. Jensen encounters Andoheb. They have a shoot-out in which Jensen is wounded and Andoheb apparently killed, but he shows up in the sequel, “The Mummy’s Tomb.”

Bannon enters the Temple and starts to untie Marta but she screams as the Mummy also enters the Temple, heading for the Tana fluid which is brewing on a flaming tripod. Bannon shoots the Mummy but his bullets have no effect. The Mummy grabs Bannon by the neck and tosses him and grabs a bowl of the fluid which is shot out of his hand by Jensen. The Mummy bends down to drink the fluid on the floor. It has enough strength to turn him into an uncontrollable monster. Bannon smashes the flaming tripod onto the Mummy and he is emulated –yet shows up again in the sequel “The Mummy’s Tomb” to take revenge on Bannon and Jensen, thirty years later.

For now, the terror of the Mummy is ended and the remaining members of the expedition are safe. The audience has been taken through a fantastic journey of supernatural horror with a monster (Kharis the Mummy) and human villain (Andoheb).

ISOLATION: The members of the expedition are isolated in a remote location in Egypt.

DEATH: Petrie, Ali die first and the Mummy almost kills Solvani. Andoheb almost kills Marta in a diabolical plot to resurrect her into immortality by an injection of the Tana fluid.

MONSTER / VILLAIN; Kharis a 3000 year old mummy and Andoheb who controls him.

HIGH TENSION: As the cast is eliminated or nearly so, one by one, there is the tension of the cast members who are scared for their lives and we are scared for them.

DEPARTURE FROM REALITY: A live mummy.

MORAL STATEMENT: Andoheb tells Petrie (an archaeologist and scientist) that there are some things that science had best leave uncovered. But he has pronounced his own verdict upon himself a scientist of ancient Egyptian magic. An ancillary moral statement is to show respect to antiquities.

MY SCREENPLAY: “THE TOREPH”

HORROR CONVENTIONS

TITLE / CONCEPT: “ The Toreph.” Toreph is singular from Teraphim, household gods (Genesis 31), they are actually mummified severed heads that are used for purposes of divination and necromancy. The skulls are animated when a gold platelet with the name of a demon on it are inserted in the mouth under the tongue and the skull speaks. This is a form of necromancy.

TERRORIZING THE CHARACTERS: The primal fears operative here are fear of the unknown, fear that terrible things will happen, and fear of death.

The set up for a terror ride is incited by the chief of the ‘dig’ Dr. Colin Kendrick when the lead character (NED GARNER) registers for the dig and Kendrick shows him a gold platelet with the name of a demon on it i.e., “Azazel” who is a desert demon of Jewish and Arabic mythology and appears in the Bible. On the table while Kendrick explains the nature of a Toreph, the gold platelet appears to move like a vibrating cell phone suggesting a malevolent spiritual presence. Kendrick also describes the grizzly details of what is a Toreph and that this gold platelet was found by a Bedouin (Yassine) in the desert near a sealed cave in ancient Jericho in the desert in Israel last explored by a French expedition in 1972. He also mentioned how plastered skulls were found there in the 50’s and he suspects there are more skulls in this cave and if they recovered them, they would be making a major archaeological discovery. He asks Ned to keep this a secret from other members of the expedition, i.e, including his friends “Boots” Barton and his love interest, Kaitlyn Randolph.

When the sealed cave is opened by Kendrick and the others, they find it is a tomb. In one chamber is a room with a niche in which there is a mummified skull. When Kendrick inserts the gold platelet into the mouth of the skull, it comes to life and identifies itself as AZAZEL, the desert demon of destruction. Speaking through the skull, the demon recites a magic spell and kills Yassine for betraying the gold platelet to Kendrick. Ned berates Kendrick for endangering the members of the expedition and reveals the secret to the others. Azazel through a magic spell also kills Kendrick. With Ned, Boots, and Kaitlyn remaining, Ned assails the skull with a shovel but cannot strike the skull because Azazel has erected an invisible shield around the skull. But Ned within that shield grabs the skull and pulls the gold platelet from its mouth. It is now returned to being a simple dead skull. Ned, Boots, and Kaitlyn search the remainder of the tomb and discover an Egyptian style anthropoid coffin marked with the name “Cushan son of Malka.” They open the coffin and find a headless mummy. Clearly the mummified skull belongs to this mummy named Cushan. Ned realizes that Cushan is “Cushan Rishathaim” (Cushan the Doubly-Evil) of the Bible (Judges 8).Upon placing the skull in the coffin, it is miraculously rejoined to the body and now Cushan rises to terrorize the three friends. Cushan hurls a spear at Ned and misses but Ned picks it up and runs Cushan through with it and kills him.

ISOLATION: The lead characters, all on an archaeological excavation are located in the desert at ancient Jericho and are trapped in a cave/tomb.

DEATH: In addition to the menacing of Ned, Boots, and Kaitlin. Azazel, the Toreph kills Yassine and Kendrick.

HIGH TENSION: An all powerful demon, capable of moving things by telekinesis and magic spells is out to kill all the lead characters, after killing two, the question for the audience becomes “Who gets it next?” and “How are they going to get out of this now. Some relief comes when Ned pulls the platelet from the mouth of the skull and neutralizes Azazel. But then when the skull is reunited to the body of Cushan, the terror begins again.

DEPARTURE FROM REALITY. The story is an exotic setting, namely, Tel Es-Sultan (the ancient city of Jericho. Additionally, the setting of the terror is in a tomb with the skull animated by a demon.

MORAL STATEMENT: Don’t mess with the occult.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Clarification

[Robert Smith]

My name is Robert Russell Smith. Please call me Bob.

I have written dozens of comedy sketches and one act plays. I finished my first full length comedy, “Angels in Gangland” which I categorize as a Supernatural Gangster Comedy-drama. I had the play performed locally as a Zoom Production which was successful and well received. I am shopping the Stage Play and I have been working on a screen adaptation. I have a first draft almost complete.

What I hope to get from the class is knowledge and at least an early draft of a horror film. I’ve always wanted to write in that genre.Through the 30 Day Screenplay I am well along already in a horror script, i.e., characters and some story development. Working Title: The Toreph, singular for Teraphim, usually translated as ‘Houshold gods’ (Genesis 31). Which is a severed mummified head possessed by a demon, used in Biblical times for purposes of divination. This Toreph is deadly because it is possessed by Azazel, a desert demon in Jewish and Arabic mythology. It terrorizes the archaeologists who have discovered it. The mummified skull is that of an evil Biblical Character, the warrior Cushan Rishathaim (Judges 8), whose name means Cushan the Doubly-Evil.

I am a retired Episcopal Priest and as you can see, I am creating this horror film The Toreph, from Biblical subjects with a horrific dimension. I’ve always been interested in archaeology. I am a graduate of The American University in Cairo, Egypt, Class of 1970.

[Robert Smith]

ure. I think of it as reaching within me. If I thought about it, I’d fail. Don’t think just go with your instinct. Q: What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of? A:” Well, my friend, Boots Barton pointed out to me that when you get me on a tennis court or at a Chess board, my killer instinct kicks in. The baggage goes away. Q: What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?

A: I have always had a lack of confidence in myself. Except for when I am on the Tennis Court and at the Chess Board.

Ql What skills,
background or expertise makes you well-suited to face the Toreph?

A: The Chess Board and the Tennis Court.

Q: What are you
hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?

A: I don’t want them to know that the gold platelet with the name of “Azazel” on it is the key to animating the skull, because Kendrick told me to keep it secret so as not to spook the others on the expedition.

What do you think of the Toreph?

A: I never thought much of the Biblical and Arabic mythology about such supernatural beings as Azazel. I grew an instant respect when I came in touch with the ‘otherness’ of the Toreph who is possessed by Azazel. He is a monster but if you show him fear he smells blood. As for the body of the man he possesses, the evil, Cushan the Doubly-Evil. There is a piece of me that sympathizes that he is possessed but I have to suppress that in order to save my friends.

Q: Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

A: Well, I did what I had to do to save lives. When we removed the platelet and Azazel exited the skull, I felt relief because I thought we were in the clear before I realized that placing the skull in the sarcophagus would reunite Cushan’s body with his skull and possessed again by Azazel who reanimated Cushan and had his arms and legs for the movement he did not have when he possessed the skull alone.

Q: What does it do for your life if you succeed here?

A; The success of the expedition plus I marry Kaitlyn.

Q: Is there a chance that Azazel may return.

A: It’s why we are keeping the gold platelet away from the skull’s mouth. If it is reinserted into his mouth, it will be possessed by Azazel.

QUESTIONS FOR THE ANTAGONIST – THE TOREPH (AZAZEL)

Q: Tell me about yourself.

A: I am Azazel. My mission was to come to earth and spread deception and knowledge of weaponry.

Q: It looks like ‘mission accomplished.’ The world has gotten more violent and people more prone to deception.

A: Yes, so far, so good. When people created Teraphim, they thought spirits would speak through skulls but it was all deception that was spoken.

Q; In regard to the journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?

A: My strength is the violence and destruction I can wreak and my weakness is still that once the gold platelet is removed from under the tongue of the mummified skull, my power ends and I must go someplace else to find a human dwelling I can possess for my purposes.

Q: Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail?

A; Because he knows how to pull the platelet from under the tongue of the mummified skull and that would neutralize me. So does Dr. Kendrick, who is a person of great knowledge.

Q: What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?

A: I retain my power and can wreak further violence and deception.

Q: What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?

A: If I don’t use my powers I lose them.

Q: What secrets must you keep to succeed?

A: The secret of the power of the gold platelet to secure my survival. What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity? AND That when the skull is re-united to its body I can possess the entire corpse and reanimate it and now have movement.

Q: Compared to other entities like you, what makes you special?

A: I refused to bow to humanity as my superior and so I am condemned to this terrible

existence between two world of death and life. It makes me special because human

beings do not have the knowledge I possess.

Q: What do you think of Ned?

A: I admire his boldness but I know his weakness is his self-deprecation.

Q: Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

A: I must retain the power base of possessing the mummified skull. Naturally, I would fight for it. They thought they had defeated me but I possessed the whole body of Cushan Rishathaim. I could have survived by humans, i..e., Ned got advantage over me and killed the risen Cushan. But it still means that I am not destroyed.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith Character Interviews.

What I learned in this assignment: To let the characters talk to you and tell you the story, because it’s their story.

QUESTIONS – PROTAGONIST – Ned Garner

Q: Tell me about
yourself, Ned..

A: Just a guy who wants to be an Archaeologist.

Q Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why
you?

A: I don’t know that I was so much ‘called’ as much as I wanted it and Dr. Kendrick accepted me because of my easily learning ancient Near Eastern languages. As for ‘Why me?” in relation to the Toreph we discovered – well, I put myself there and reacted according to my decisions and physical ability.

Q: You are up against . What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you?

A: Well, of course, it’s terrifying, but I reached within myself for what it takes to survive.

Q: In order to
survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of
your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the
most difficult?

A: Well, I think of it not so much as stepping outside my comfort zone. Being an ancient tomb is really outside the box by nature. I think of it as reaching within me. If I thought about it, I’d fail. Don’t think just go with your instinct.

Q: What habits
or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of? A:”
Well, my friend, Boots
Barton pointed out to me that when you get me on a tennis court or at a
Chess board, my killer instinct kicks in. The baggage goes away.

Q: What fears,
insecurities and wounds have held you back?

A: I have always had a lack of confidence in myself. Except for when I am on the Tennis Court and at the Chess Board.

Ql What skills,
background or expertise makes you well-suited to face the Toreph?

A: The Chess Board and the Tennis Court.

Q: What are you
hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?

A: I don’t want them to know that the gold platelet with the name of “Azazel” on it is the key to animating the skull, because Kendrick told me to keep it secret so as not to spook the others on the expedition.

What do you think of the Toreph?

A: I never thought much of the Biblical and Arabic mythology about such supernatural beings as Azazel. I grew an instant respect when I came in touch with the ‘otherness’ of the Toreph who is possessed by Azazel. He is a monster but if you show him fear he smells blood. As for the body of the man he possesses, the evil, Cushan the Doubly-Evil. There is a piece of me that sympathizes that he is possessed but I have to suppress that in order to save my friends.

Q: Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

A: Well, I did what I had to do to save lives. When we removed the platelet and Azazel exited the skull, I felt relief because I thought we were in the clear before I realized that placing the skull in the sarcophagus would reunite Cushan’s body with his skull and possessed again by Azazel who reanimated Cushan and had his arms and legs for the movement he did not have when he possessed the skull alone.

Q: What does it do for your life if you succeed here?

A; The success of the expedition plus I marry Kaitlyn.

Q: Is there a chance that Azazel may return.

A: It’s why we are keeping the gold platelet away from the skull’s mouth. If it is reinserted into his mouth, it will be possessed by Azazel.

QUESTIONS FOR THE ANTAGONIST – THE TOREPH (AZAZEL)

Q: Tell me about yourself.

A: I am Azazel. My mission was to come to earth and spread deception and knowledge of weaponry.

Q: It looks like ‘mission accomplished.’ The world has gotten more violent and people more prone to deception.

A: Yes, so far, so good. When people created Teraphim, they thought spirits would speak through skulls but it was all deception that was spoken.

Q; In regard to the journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?

A: My strength is the violence and destruction I can wreak and my weakness is still that once the gold platelet is removed from under the tongue of the mummified skull, my power ends and I must go someplace else to find a human dwelling I can possess for my purposes.

Q: Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail?

A; Because he knows how to pull the platelet from under the tongue of the mummified skull and that would neutralize me. So does Dr. Kendrick, who is a person of great knowledge.

Q: What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?

A: I retain my power and can wreak further violence and deception.

Q: What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?

A: If I don’t use my powers I lose them.

Q: What secrets must you keep to succeed?

A: The secret of the power of the gold platelet to secure my survival. What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity? AND That when the skull is re-united to its body I can possess the entire corpse and reanimate it and now have movement.

Q: Compared to other entities like you, what makes you special?

A: I refused to bow to humanity as my superior and so I am condemned to this terrible

existence between two world of death and life. It makes me special because human

beings do not have the knowledge I possess.

Q: What do you think of Ned?

A: I admire his boldness but I know his weakness is his self-deprecation.

Q: Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

A: I must retain the power base of possessing the mummified skull. Naturally, I would fight for it. They thought they had defeated me but I possessed the whole body of Cushan Rishathaim. I could have survived by humans, i..e., Ned got advantage over me and killed the risen Cushan. But it still means that I am not destroyed.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith’s Character Profile Part 2

What I learned doing this assignment is that in doing it I am brainstorming more aspects of the character and also I am brainstorming a script with added twists and turns based on my character development of the two leads in these exercises. .

The Film’s Working Title: Teraphim or The Toreph.

Fill in Part 2 of the character Profile for your two lead characters.

THE PROTAGONIST

Ned Garner aspiring archaeologist,

What draws us to this character?

He is brave.

Traits:

He is brave. (From last assignment: He is intelligent and willing to learn, he loves Kaitlyn, is loyal to his friend Boots Barton and his mentor Dr. Colin Kendrick. He is loyal to death, including the risking of his own life to save the lives of others from the Toreph.

Subtext:

Not only does he grow in confidence but he grows in a leadership position among the archaelogists.

He

Flaw:

He initially lacks confidence but grows into a hero who defeats the monster Toreph.. (This is new -) He also is envious of “Boots” Barton and his love-interest, Kaitlyn Randolph for their prior experience on archaeological digs in the American South West, which he thinks puts them in an advanced position ahead of himself. He doesn’t realize that he excels them in Near Eastern languages and history (in addition to fluency in Hebrew and Arabic) which is more appropriate to the Near Eastern archeology that he wishes to pursue as a specialist and qualifies him to be on the dig at Tel Es-Sultan (Jericho).

Values:

Loyalty.

Irony:

He is brave but still scares easily.

What
makes this the right character for this role?

He is smart, caring, brave.

THE ANTAGONIST

Now he has a name: Azazel the desert demon who is possessing the skull of Cushan Rishathaim, a warrior mentioned in the Bible Judges 8 whose name means, Cushan the Doubly Evil. Whose body is buried somewhere else in the cave. Azazel desires that skull and body are reunited so that as a whole person he can wreak more violence.

What draws us to this character?

He is consummately evil. Clever. Haunting dialogue.

Traits: Evil. Clever. Dominating.

Subtext:

Azazel wants more power than he already has over the lives of people starting with Dr. Kendrick and the young Archaeologists.

Flaw:

He is evil and only wants to do more when he rejoins the body of his host the

ancient warrior Cushan the Doubly Evil.

Values:

He values destruction and dominance over people.

Irony:

He feels he is merciful to his captive archaeologists when he spares their lives so they may further dig for the body of Cushan.

What makes this Character right for this role?

He is a scary monster, a skull that talks and says and does bad things through his demonic power.

3. Make any improvements you think of to your Part 1 profile and bring the two parts together.

Here are the original two profiles from Part 1

THE PROTAGONIST: Ned Garner

Role In The Story:

Protagonist – Hero/Explorer/Victim/Fighter. 20’s.

He is initially shy and bookish. (Aspires to be an archaeologist.) However, his confidence is boosted by his love interest, Kaitlyn Randolph, also an aspiring archaeologist who encourages him to join her on an archaeological dig that summer in Tel El-Sultan (Jericho), Israel, which is where the horror occurs and his heroic dimension fully blooms when confronting the undead monster, Toreph who is possessed by the desert demon, Azazel.

Internal Journey

He is initially shy and bookish. (Aspires to be an archaeologist) and advances to Hero in his successful fight against the Monster Toreph who is possessed by the desert demon Azazel.

External Journey

Ned Garner’s confidence is boosted by his love interest, Kaitlyn Randolph, and the mentorship of Dr. Colin Kendrick who will lead an archaeological dig that summer near Tel Es-Sultan (ancient Jericho), which is where the horror occurs and his heroic dimension fully blooms when confronting the undead monster, Toreph who is possessed by the desert demon, Azazel. Dr. Kendrick welcomes Ned to the expedition as he has been an excellent student. He also confides with Ned that he was given a small gold platelet with one word written on it “Azazel” the name of a desert demon in Jewish and Arabic lore. The platelet was given to him by a Bedouin who discovered it not far from a sealed cave. Kendrick’s expedition is to open the sealed cave and see what if any connection there is between the “Azazel platelet” and the cave. This sets up the story.

Motivation:

To become an archaeologist and succeed in what looks like an exciting expedition to a sealed cave near ancient Jericho. His later motivation is to save the lives of everybody on the expedition from the horrors being perpetrated upon them by the Azazel-possessed Toreph.

WOUND:

Painful lack of confidence.

Mission/Agenda:

To be a great archaeologist on what could lead to a major discovery and later his aim is to defeat the monster.

Secret:

Kendrick has confided that the expedition may lead to an encounter with Bedouin and perhaps supernatural powers. Kendrick explains to Ned that he believes the golden platelet with the name of the demon Azazel given to him by a Bedouin he knows, Kendrick theorizes was taken from the mouth of a Toreph (sing. of pl. Teraphim) (Genesis 31). The Teraphim were created by inserting a gold platelet with a demon’s name into the mouth of a severed mummified skull who would then speak as an oracle. Yet, there is ancient warning. “Whoever pursues such knowledge will go down to Gehinnom (hell).”

This secret which Ned and Kendrick keep from Kaitlyn and Ned’s sidekick Boots Barton, who also joins the expedition until the Toreph awakens after the demon platelet is inserted into its skull’s mouth..

What makes him so special?

He is a budding archaeologist and man with direction and insight. He loves people and wants to rescue them all from this demonic force.

THE ANTAGONIST

Character name: There is no name. He is a skull of a firstborn male who speaks when a gold platelet with the demonic name Azazel is placed in his mouth. He not only speaks but performs deadly acts by telekinesis when the gold platelet with the name “Azazel” is placed in his mouth under his tongue..

Role in The Story:

He is a Toreph, singular of the plural Teraphim. Toreph. These are the household gods stolen from Laban by Rachel in Genesis 31. The name on the gold platelet “Azazel” is that of a desert demon who according to the Book of Enoch (xiii) is a leading fallen angel who came to earth to deceive and create weapons of war and destruction.

Age is not applicable.

The skull is that of an ancient man who was beheaded, Azazel is an ancient demon of the desert. One of the fallen angels apparently a leader among them according to the Book of Enoch (XIII).

Internal Journey, External Journey and Motivation:

He is simply called the Toreph. There is no internal journey except to continue his demonic activity in his external journey.

WOUND:

He is undead and wishes either to return to being a spirit or have his head rejoined to his body.

MISSION/AGENDA:

Continue to carry out his diabolically violent and terrifying deeds.

SECRET:

The way to destroy him is to remove the gold platelet from his mouth or run him through with a sword.

WHAT MAKES HIM SPECIAL?

He carries the story.

Here is the combined effort:

THE PROTAGONIST: Ned Garner

Role In The Story:

Protagonist – Hero/Explorer/Victim/Fighter. 20’s.

He is initially shy and bookish. (Aspires to be an archaeologist.) However, his confidence is boosted by his love interest, Kaitlyn Randolph, also an aspiring archaeologist who encourages him to join her on an archaeological dig that summer in Tel El-Sultan (Jericho), Israel, which is where the horror occurs and his heroic dimension fully blooms when confronting the undead monster, Toreph who is possessed by the desert demon, Azazel.

Internal Journey

He is initially shy and bookish. (Aspires to be an archaeologist) and advances to Hero in his successful fight against the Monster Toreph who is possessed by the desert demon Azazel.

External Journey

Ned Garner’s confidence is boosted by his love interest, Kaitlyn Randolph, and the mentorship of Dr. Colin Kendrick who will lead an archaeological dig that summer near Tel Es-Sultan (ancient Jericho), which is where the horror occurs and his heroic dimension fully blooms when confronting the undead monster Toreph who is possessed by the desert demon, Azazel. Dr. Kendrick welcomes Ned to the expedition as he has been an excellent student. He also confides with Ned that he was given a small gold platelet with one word written on it “Azazel” the name of a desert demon in Jewish and Arabic lore. The platelet was given to him by a Bedouin who discovered it not far from a sealed cave. Kendrick’s expedition is to open the sealed cave and see what if any connection there is between the “Azazel platelet” and the cave. This sets up the story.

Motivation:

To become an archaeologist and succeed in what looks like an exciting expedition to a sealed cave near ancient Jericho. His later motivation is to save the lives of everybody on the expedition from the horrors being perpetrated upon them by the Azazel-possessed Toreph.

WOUND:

Painful lack of confidence.

Mission/Agenda:

To be a great archaeologist on what could lead to a major discovery and later his aim is to defeat the monster.

Secret:

Kendrick has confided that the expedition may lead to an encounter with Bedouin and perhaps supernatural powers. Kendrick explains to Ned that he believes the golden platelet with the name of the demon Azazel given to him by a Bedouin he knows, Kendrick theorizes was taken from the mouth of a Toreph (sing. of pl. Teraphim) (Genesis 31). The Teraphim were created by inserting a gold platelet with a demon’s name into the mouth of a severed mummified skull who would then speak as an oracle. Yet, there is ancient warning. “Whoever pursues such knowledge will go down to Gehinnom (hell).”

This secret which Ned and Kendrick keep from Kaitlyn and Ned’s sidekick Boots Barton, who also joins the expedition until the Toreph awakens after the demon platelet is inserted into its skull’s mouth..

The Secret of the nature of the Toreph becomes a great burden to Ned as it has led to the entrapment of the archaeologists to the Toreph.

What makes him so special?

He is a budding archaeologist and man with direction and insight. He loves people and wants to rescue them all from this demonic force.

THE ANTAGONIST

Character name: Azazel and Cushan Rishathaim. He is a skull of a firstborn male (Cushan) who speaks when a gold platelet with the demonic name Azazel is placed in his mouth. He not only speaks but performs deadly acts by telekinesis when the gold platelet with the name “Azazel” is placed in his mouth under his tongue.

Role in The Story:

He is a Toreph, singular of the plural Teraphim. Toreph. These are the household gods stolen from Laban by Rachel in Genesis 31. The name on the gold platelet “Azazel” is that of a desert demon who according to the mysterious Book of Enoch (xiii) is a leading fallen angel who came to earth to deceive and create weapons of war and destruction.

Age is not applicable.

The skull is that of an ancient man who was beheaded, Azazel is an ancient demon of the desert. One of the fallen angels apparently a leader among them according to the Book of Enoch (XIII).

Age is applicable. Azazel is thousands of thousand of years old and Cushan liveds three thousand years ago.

Internal Journey, External Journey and Motivation:

He is simply called the Toreph. There is no internal journey except to continue his demonic activity in his external journey. And finally to have his skull reunited with his body.

WOUND:

He is undead and wishes either to return to being a spirit or have his head rejoined to his body.

MISSION/AGENDA:

Continue to carry out his diabolically violent and terrifying deeds and be reunited with his body..

SECRET:

The way to destroy him is to remove the gold platelet from his mouth or run him through with a sword (when reunited with his body).

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith – Lesson 2 Character Profiles Part 1

What I learned in this assignment is there’s a short cut to getting a story to be character driven and that’s developing a profile of characters and even if all the pieces are not together yet they will be when you build on what you have later. In fact, I am already developing material for the screenplay beyond what I thought I could.

Working Title: The Teraphim.

Genre: Horror

THE PROTAGONIST: Ned Garner

Role In The Story:

Protagonist – Hero/Explorer/Victim/Fighter. 20’s.

He is initially shy and bookish. (Aspires to be an archaeologist.) However, his confidence is boosted by his love interest, Kaitlyn Randolph, also an aspiring archaeologist who encourages him to join her on an archaeological dig that summer in Tel El-Sultan (Jericho), Israel, which is where the horror occurs and his heroic dimension fully blooms when confronting the undead monster, Toreph who is possessed by the desert demon, Azazel.

Internal Journey

He is initially shy and bookish. (Aspires to be an archaeologist) and advances to Hero in his successful fight against the Monster Toreph who is possessed by the desert demon Azazel.

External Journey

Ned Garner’s confidence is boosted by his love interest, Kaitlyn Randolph, and the mentorship of Dr. Colin Kendrick who will lead an archaeological dig that summer near Tel Es-Sultan (ancient Jericho), which is where the horror occurs and his heroic dimension fully blooms when confronting the undead monster, Toreph who is possessed by the desert demon, Azazel. Dr. Kendrick welcomes Ned to the expedition as he has been an excellent student. He also confides with Ned that he was given a small gold platelet with one word written on it “Azazel” the name of a desert demon in Jewish and Arabic lore. The platelet was given to him by a Bedouin who discovered it not far from a sealed cave. Kendrick’s expedition is to open the sealed cave and see what if any connection there is between the “Azazel platelet” and the cave. This sets up the story.

Motivation:

To become an archaeologist and succeed in what looks like an exciting expedition to a sealed cave near ancient Jericho. His later motivation is to save the lives of everybody on the expedition from the horrors being perpetrated upon them by the Azazel-possessed Toreph.

WOUND:

Painful lack of confidence.

Mission/Agenda:

To be a great archaeologist on what could lead to a major discovery and later his aim is to defeat the monster.

Secret:

Kendrick has confided that the expedition may lead to an encounter with Bedouin and perhaps supernatural powers. Kendrick explains to Ned that he believes the golden platelet with the name of the demon Azazel given to him by a Bedouin he knows, Kendrick theorizes was taken from the mouth of a Toreph (sing. of pl. Teraphim) (Genesis 31). The Teraphim were created by inserting a gold platelet with a demon’s name into the mouth of a severed mummified skull who would then speak as an oracle. Yet, there is ancient warning. “Whoever pursues such knowledge will go down to Gehinnom (hell).”

This secret which Ned and Kendrick keep from Kaitlyn and Ned’s sidekick Boots Barton, who also joins the expedition until the Toreph awakens after the demon platelet is inserted into its skull’s mouth..

What makes him so special?

He is a budding archaeologist and man with direction and insight. He loves people and wants to rescue them all from this demonic force.

THE ANTAGONIST

Character name: There is no name. He is a skull of a firstborn male who speaks when a gold platelet with the demonic name Azazel is placed in his mouth. He not only speaks but performs deadly acts by telekinesis when the gold platelet with the name “Azazel” is placed in his mouth under his tongue..

ROLE in The Story:

He is a Toreph, singular of the plural Teraphim. Toreph. These are the household gods stolen from Laban by Rachel in Genesis 31. The name on the gold platelet “Azazel” is that of a desert demon who according to the Book of Enoch (xiii) is a leading fallen angel who came to earth to deceive and create weapons of war and destruction.

Age is not applicable.

The skull is that of an ancient man who was beheaded, Azazel is an ancient demon of the desert. One of the fallen angels apparently a leader among them according to the Book of Enoch (XIII).

Internal Journey, External Journey and Motivation:

He is simply called the Toreph. There is no internal journey except to continue his demonic activity in his external journey.

WOUND:

He is undead and wishes either to return to being a spirit or have his head rejoined to his body.

MISSION/AGENDA:

Continue to carry out his diabolically violent and terrifying deeds.

SECRET:

The way to destroy him is to remove the gold platelet from his mouth or run him through with a sword.

WHAT MAKES HIM SPECIAL?

He carries the story.

[Robert Smith]

Hi, friends. I am Robert R. Smih. Nickname: Bob. I am a retired Episcopal Priest with an avocation for theatre and motion pictures. I have been writing and acting as part of my ministry. Most recently, I have written and acted in one act plays, comedy sketches, and in my first full length play “Angels in Gangland.” Which is a supernatural gangster dramedy. Because of Covid some friends of mine and I have performed it as a Zoom Production quite successfully. I am currently adapting it to the screen. I am married to Susan D’Antonio and we live in Elkton, Maryland. I am taking both the 30 Screenplay course and “How to Write a Terryfying Horror PIcture. My current project is a horror film, called “The Teraphim” Teraphim are household gods according to the Book of Genesis but another tradition says they are skulls that are consulted for occult purposes which sounds like a perfect set-up for a horror film. I don’t think anybody has done any horror picture with the monster Teraphim which is an oracular decapitated skull that speaks. It’s a subject of the Bible that has rarely been discussed.

[Robert Smith]

Robert Smith’s Transformational Journey.

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Is to write from my own experience of dreaming of visiting Egypt and actually being accepted as a student at the American University in Cairo.

Who is your Hero and what is their Character Arc that represents a transformation?

Screenplay working title: TERAPHIM. Genre: Horror.

Protagonist (The Hero): NED GARNER is a shy nerdy-type who dreams of being an archaeologist.

His love interest asks him to speak with Dr. Benjamin Kendrick (professor of Archaeology and Ancient Near Eastern Languages and Religions who is leading a University dig in Israel and may accept Ned on the dig.

Internal Journey:

The shy Ned Garner takes the plunge and asks Dr. Kendrick to accept him on the archaeological dig south of Jericho in Israel. Dr. Kendrick accepts him.

This brings even more confidence to Ned.

External Journey:

· Encouraged by his love interest Kaitlyn Rudolph, a fellow fledgling archaeologist, Ned takes the plunge and approaches the imposing Dr. Colin Kendrick to accept him on the archaeological dig south of Jericho in Israel. Dr Kendrick not only accepts Ned, but gives him added confidence by telling Ned why he wants to dig south of Jericho: A Bedouin had given him a gold coin with one word on it “Azazel” Dr Kendrick tells Ned, that the Bedouin showed him where he had found the coin. It was in front of a sealed cave. Which is where they will excavate. Dr. Kendrick is also an expert on ancient occult practices and reveals that the word “Azazel” is the name of a desert demon.

3. What are the Old Ways and New Ways?

Ned’s old ways:

Shyness.

Lack of confidence.

Ned’s new ways.

Having confidence to pursue his dream of being an archaeologist.

Realizing that in his confidence he draws to himself an admired mentor’s recognition of his capability follow.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith Day 14 Delivers Irony

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS to be vigiliant in adding irony which adds humor and insight.

1. Step 1: Where could you build opposite experiences into your screenplay?

1. Oleg the Russian Mafia kingpin appears to help Boss Tony Rizzo plan to kill Carlo and Sam, but he is actually an FBI informant who tries to save their lives.

2. Lou and Solomon initially don’t like Psychic Stripper, Zoey Platt. But unexpectedly her Séance reinforces Lou’s mission to get Carlo and Sam to quit the mob. They call her an angel.

3. In a flashback about Rabbi Solomon’s earlier life as an accountant in the crime-ridden Garment District. Solomon witnesses the stabbing of another employee in a mob hit. He runs to his side calling for an ambulance for the dying man. The man says, “I don’t need no ambulance. I need a priest.” Solomon says, “Well, I’m a Rabbi and I”ve studied your religion.” The dying man says, “It’s okay. Go ahead. Say some prayers.” Solomon proceeds to say a string of randomLatin phrases, e.g., “E pluribus unum. Gluteus Maximus. Tempus Fugit, Carpe diem, De facto. Ay-men.” The man says, “Thank you Rabbi. A priest couldn’t have done it better.” He dies. Solomon looks heaven-ward and prays, “Forgive me, Lord of the Universe. I was just trying to do good for a dying man.”

4. Sam (Solomon’son who joins the mob), defends himself, saying. “So what, you used to tell me that your uncle Abe was an enforcer for Meyer Lansky. But wouldn’t rough up anyone on Shabbos.” Solomon: “I never said it was right for a Jew to be a gangster.”

5. Tony Rizzo is about to kill Carlo, Sherrie, Sam, and Oleg when they try to talk him into turning state’s evidence also. The FBI arrives and encourages him to do likewise. Finally, Tony’s wife (Lisa) arrives and said it’s okay to be rat and join Witness protection because in the end it will help their family and marriage..

2. Step 2: What is the New Way/Insight you want to deliver through ‘the above’?

1. INSIGHT of #1 (above): Expect the unexpected good.

2. INSIGHT “ #2 (above): The people you don’t like could end up doing good for you and you’ll like them..

3. INSIGHT of #3 (above): All religions do good and produce good.

4. INSIGHT of #4 (above): There are competing values, but a commitment to the best values is always paramount.

5. INSIGHT: It is okay to not do bad by criminal values in order to do good by moral values and the law.

2 Come up with at least five (5) different ways you can create IRONY in your screenplay and deliver an insight.

1. God ordered Solomon to serve as a spirit guide and coach for Lou and to stay out of the game. But when Solomon learns from overhearing Oleg that Boss Tony Rizzo has dispatched a hitman to kill Carlo and Sam, Solomon begs God to allow him back into the game as to warn Carlo and his son (Sam) to surrender to the FBI. In an Epiphany of music like the bombastic score of a Hollywood Biblical Epic, God allows it. Solomon says to God: “I never expected your voice from heaven to be a sound from Hollywood. But thank you.” INSIGHT: Even God can change his mind.

2. Zoey the Psychic Stripper recounts her experience in Taiwan with Funeral Strippers: She says they bring comfort to those who mourn and bring peace to the deceased. INSIGHT: Strange customs can do good. Another INSIGHT: While Zoey is involved in a carnal profession and is the mistress of Boss Tony Rizzo, there is an innocence and goodness about her.

3. Zoey the Psychic Stripper learned both belly dancing and spirit mediumship in Egypt and she leads a Séance in which King Tutankhamun and his discoverer (Howard Carter) appear to explain that the story of a curse on the King’s tomb was a creation of newspapers in order to sell newspapers. There is no curse on the tomb but there is on the $200K for which Tony ordered Carlo to kill Lou because it was Tony’s gambling debt to Lou that he didn’t want to pay. INSIGHT: Zoey demonstrates you can be both carnal and spiritual without contradiction. Moreover, there is a world beyond this world, which reinforces the mission of Lou Tasca, who to get Carlo to leave the mob has possessed him.

4. Sherrie, Carlo’s fiancé, is also a stripper but wants Carlo to surrender to Witness Protection. INSIGHT: Ironically, she has values that perhaps society would not expect of a sex-worker.

5. Contrary to every value taught to him by his father, Sam follows Tony’s order and is the hitman dispatched to kill Carlo, no knowing that after killing Carlo, Tony will kill him. INSIGHT: Doing evil leads to more evil which eventually leads to consequences. . Once caught up in a criminal enterprise, it is easy to get stuck doing more crimes.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith Day 12 Assignment #2

What I learned doing this assignment is: The importance of fleshing out insights in the script itself in a way that will enable the audience to experience it in a comprehensible way.

List the New Ways and Insights you’d like audiences to experience when they watch your movie.:

1. The importance of never losing hope. Things work out for the good – even unexpectedly.. Embodied in the saying: “God writes straight with crooked lines.”

2. No one is entirely good or entirely bad. There is always hope for redemption if we summon within ourselves what Lincoln called “the better angels of our nature.”

“Better Angels” in the play refers to the spiritual power we have for good within ourselves but also that people can also be ‘angels,’ i.e., agents for doing good.

BRAINSTORM FIVE USES OF NOT LOSING HOPE.

1. Initial seed of “Not losing hope” and that there can be unexpected good, happens with Lou (the gangster spirit) when he defends himself against an Solomon’s ennumeration of his crimes, he claims:

LOU

I was also a volunteer at St. Augustine’s Church.

SOLOMON

You were also a loan shark. The priest told you to put up a message on the church sign: “Pray without ceasing.” But you made it “Pay without ceasing.”

LOU

Freudian slip. On the up-side, the Poor Box hit the jackpot!

2. Lou despairs that it will be impossible even hopeless that he will find redemption because his mission is to persuade another ‘wiseguy’ to quit the mob. His spirit guide Rabbi Solomon addresses him

SOLOMON

No, my friend. Nothing is ever hopeless.

LOU

How can you be so sure?

SOLOMON

Lou, your own St. Augustine put it this way: “God writes straight with crooked lines.”

3. When Zoey the Psychic Stripper is called on by Sherrie to lead a séance to drive Lou’s spirit away and find out the location of $200K tied to Lou’s murder. Solomon tells Lou

SOLOMON: The Bible forbids consulting a spirit medium, but to accomplish our mission, we’ll have to play in the spirit medium’s ball park. She may even be an opportunity.

LOU: You mean, she could be a crooked line writing straight into a jackpot?

SOLOMON: That’s it.

4. When Solomon and Lou realize that Tony may be out to kill Carlo and Sam, he calls for assistance from Oleg Oransky, a Russian mafia kingpin. Lou describes Oleg as not a crooked line that writes straight into a jackpot but just crooked. The Russian Vory make us Cosa Nostra look like Boy Scouts.”

5. When Solomon finds that Oleg is in fact an FBI informant who is trying to save Carlo and Sam’s lives from Tony Rizzo. Solomon says to Oleg (who cannot hear him because only Lou can see and hear Solomon): “Oleg Oransky, not only are you a mensh*, you’re a straight line to a jackpot.”

*Mensch is Yiddish meaning, “a person of honor.”)

BRAINSTORM FIVE USES OF “BETTER ANGELS”AS SPIRITUAL POWER FOR GOOD AND AS INDIVIDUALS WHO ARE AGENTS OF GOOD.

1. Rabbi Solomon explains that no individual is entirely good or entirely bad. There is always hope that, as Lincoln said, the better angels of our nature will prevail.”

2. Zoey the Psychic Stripper is described by Solomon as an “angel” because her séance reinforced Lou and Solomon’s mission to rescue Carlo and Sam.

3. When Lou crashes Carlo’s 30^th Birthday Party, Solomon warns it will backfire and expose Carlo to harm from Tony Rizzo, the Boss. “You’re supposed to be awakening Better Angels, not causing a St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.”

4. When Solomon discovers that Oleg is trying to prevent Carlo and Sam’s murders, Solomon describes Oleg to Lou as an “angel.”

5. At the end, after Oleg, Sam Sherrie, Tony and his wife Lisa decide to leave the criminal life and join the FBI Witness Protectioin Program, Solomon says, “I never had my doubts we’d ever find this many Better Angels among criminals” Lou replies, “Yeah, it’s a bigger jackpot than the Poor Box at Saint Augustine Church.” .

• This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R Smith’s Seabiscuit Analysis Day 12

What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of individual character development of diverse characters that are drawn together to make a profound storyline and ending. In other words, I saw the value the pre-Seabiscuit backstories, even Seabiscuit’s! So, I learned the importance of telling backstories to build the story. In this case, the strange and unfortunate backstories lead to the unfolding profound story as the characters are weaved together when they encounter each other.

1. Howard (Bridges), Red (McGuire), and Tom (Cooper) and Seabiscuit are all given their own unique development before being gradually weaved together for the main story line and it is a set up for the profound way they impact one another as the story unfolds.

a. Tom Smith (Cooper’s) love of horses is profound. He has a calming, if not, hypnotic effect on them.

b. Seabiscuit and Red were made for one another it seems, they were of the same disposition and temperament. Intuitively, Smith senses this.

2. Use of archival photography and David (The Civil War) McCullough’s narration situates and contextualizes the story during the Depression, when the down and out needed hope and pride to rise above their impoverishment, which made them enthusiastic fans of the “underdog” Seabiscuit and his rider – a theme that is a part of the story throughout.

3. Dialogue: Howard: “The future is the finish line.”

4. Rather than fire Red after the loss of a race, Howard and Smith confront Red’s ‘anger issues’ that resulted in the loss of a race, because of a during-the race fight with an aggressive jockey that results in Seabiscuit’s loss. Red deals with his anger (although this is not explored as much in the film) but it is implicit when Red is more in charge of himself which leads to winning races. He would not have been able to do it without that unconditional love and support of Howard and Smith.

5. Dialogue: Howard: “We gave him a second chance. Lot’s of people know what I’m talking about.” He is speaking of both Red and Seabiscuit.

6. Howard forgives Red for concealing the fact that he is blind in one eye, a boxing injury. “Red will always be Seabiscuit’s jockey.”

7. They go on to race Seabiscuit in a match with his rival, War Admiral, and he wins! His victory is not only a success for Howard, Tom, and Red, but Seabiscuit and the nation.

8. As in “Remember the Titans” Howard is left without a Jockey or a horse due to their leg injuries. But Wolff can win on Seabiscuit and he does.

9. Howard was reluctant to race Seabiscuit again with a severely injured leg. He does not euthanize Seabiscuit but cares for him and makes Red a part of his healing process. But as we see the healing process of Seabiscuit we see the healing effect of Seabiscuit on Red. This arc was introduced by a shot of Seabiscuit and Red in their leg casts.

10. Howard is confronted with a decision as to whether or not he should pair up Red and Seabiscuit for the Santa Anita Handicap. Red is eager to race and claims he can do it especially with the new leg brace he created.

11. Howard asks Wolff to race him in the Santa Anita Handicap, but Wolff defers to Red. Howard says, “He might break his leg.” Wolff says, “Better to break a man’s leg than to break his heart.”

12. Red rides Seabiscuit to win the Santa Anita Handicap, as the dialogue ends with Red’s V.O. That Seabiscuit healed all of us, even the nation.” As he had become an inspiration to the nation suffering during the Depression.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 12 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith Living Metaphors

What I learned doing this assignment: To find every place possible to use should work/but doesn’t as a major change element for the transformable character. What I also learned is that overuse of metaphors may be unreal.

SHOULD WORK BUT DOESN’T CHALLENGES

(1) Carlo doesn’t believe in ghosts, then, his comfortable skepticism doesn’t work for him when he sees the ghost of Lou Tasca, whom he had killed. Later, Carlo also becomes spirit-possessed by Lou. Carlo’s fellow long time friend and fellow mobster Sam is super-skeptical but then witnesses Carlo possessed by the spirit of his father (Rabbi Solomon) who warns both Carlo and him that their boss, Tony Rizzo, is on his way to kill both of them and …

(2) Sam and Carlo see that their old way doesn’t work for them. They become disillusioned by the challenge that their danger shows them: The Mafia ‘family’ is hardly a ‘family’ that protects them, as they had thought.

(3) Oleg, the Russian crime boss, convinces Tony that while he swore loyalty and silence to the mob and kept his promise, the Mafia superiors broke their end of the covenant, they had promised to care for Tony’s family. (Tony has a paraplegic son.) This sets-up Tony’s eventually flipping and joining Carlo, Oleg and Sam in the Witness Protection Program.

(4) Zoey the Psychic Stripper conducts a séance in order to contact the spirit of Lou Tasca, to find out the location of $200K. Instead, Lou possesses Carlo and tells Zoey to bud out of his mission to save Carlo’s life and soul and that the $200K is cursed and it’s blood money because it is Tony Rizzo’s gambling debt that he owed Lou and because Tony didn’t want to pay it, he ordered Carlo to kill Lou. Zoey stops the séance and warns Carlo to do whatever Lou tells him to do, i.e., leave the mob. Zoey was convinced the séance would do good, instead it exposed her own greed that blinded her to the ugly truth of greed and murder.

(5) Lou Tasca believes he can confront Carlo and right away and persuade him and Sam to quit the mob, he is thinking as a hitman (old ways), but it doesn’t work when he crashes Carlo’s birthday party, it backfires (as Rabbi Solomon, his spirit guide had warned him) and he makes Carlo look insane when he appears to Carlo (visible only to him) but in front of Tony Rizzo, Carlo and Sam’s boss. Tony immediately, plans to kill Carlo because his apparent insanity may draw heat from the police and destabilize the crime family.

METAPHORS

1. There are mob metaphors throughout: “Flipping” means to defect from the mob to law enforcement in order to inform or testify against former friends in the mob. “Garbage Business” and “Junk Business” are metaphors for drug-dealing.

2. The spirit of slain gangster Lou Tasca cannot make it to the world to come, i.e., Heaven, unless he does a supreme good deed to get him to go to heaven. The metaphor for good deeds is “Metrocard” and his going to Heaven is called “taking the uptown train.” (Terminology derived from the New York Subway System and as appropriated to the story it mean good deeds are the Metrocard you swipe through the turnstyle in order to get to the tracks and take the uptown train (to get to heaven). Lou is them sent on his mission to persuade his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to do what he should have done, i.e. quit the mob and enter Witness Protection.

3. Yankee Stadium as the Cathedral of Baseball. When Carlo asks Lou if he wants to watch the Subway Series on TV.. Lou says, “Why should I watch the game on TV when I can go to the Stadium and watch it for free?” Carlo asks does he beam himself up to Yankee Stadium or does he take the Uptown “D” Train. Lou says, “I’m lookin’ to take an Uptown Train to an even better place than the Cathedral of Baseball. Carlo says, “Why don’t you take that train.” Lou replies, “I can’t take that train until you flip and take yourself into Witness Protection.

4. As the script is about good and evil, I pepper the script with mention of objects that, I use metaphorically to subliminally draw the audience into the issues. For example, Sherrie serves Shrimp Fra Diavolo at Carlo’s Birthday Party. (Diavolo means Devil.) Shrimp is not kosher for dinner guest and Jewish apostate, Sam. Carlo only drinks Virgin Marys.

5. At the Séance, unexpected spirit-visitors are archaeologist Howard Carter and Pharaoh Tutankhamun whose appearance is metaphoric: They assert that there never was a curse on King Tut’s Tomb. The newspapers invented the curse story just to sell more newspapers. But there is a curse on the $200K. It is the money Tony owed to Lou that he didn’t want to pay him, so he ordered Carlo to kill Lou.

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith Counterexamples

What I learned doing this assignment is to find in any story I write all the opportunities to create conflicts and challenges that define characters and move the story forward to iits intentional ending.

I already have a complete script “Angels in Gangland” Copyright 2021 Robert Russell Smith.

The Old Ways are the code and mores of the Italian – American Mafia, chiefly, the code of silence and loyalty to the criminal organization and not to sell narcotics under penalty of death.

1. When Sam, Rabbi Solomon’s son, abandons Jewish faith and practices to be an associate of the Giordano crime family, His father beratingly questions him: “ So you throw away the Law of Moses which is life for a code of criminals which is death?” Of course the Law of Moses is more ancient than the Mafia code but under these circumstances the old ways are the traditions of the Mafia that attract Sam and are challenged by the Law of Moses. This is a tension for Sam right up until the ending when he returns to his faith when he decides to turn state’s evidence and join Witness Protection.

2. Sam reminds his father Solomon of his uncle who was in the “Kosher Nostra” as a hitman for Meyer Lansky, but he never did a hit on a Jewish holiday. His father says, “So did his hypocrisy make it good? Sam indicates that he won’t be a hypocrite” so he is abandoning the faith. His father castigates him “So, are you saying crime is okay as long as you’re not a hypocrite?” Sam’s moral confusion (old way) is too much for Solomon so he disowns him. Which he regrets which fuels Solomon’s drive to persuade Sam to leave the mob through Carlo if Lou could get Carlo to “flip” and leave the mob. jis why Solomon

3. Lou, after being killed by Carlo, finds himself in the Afterlife with his spirit guide Rabbi Solomon Levinsky who is wearing full ritual vestments for Yom Kippur the Day of Atonement. Lou asks, “Is today the Day of Atonement?” Solomon says, “For you, yes.” This challenges Lou to see his life of crime (old ways) for what it is and gives context to the entire story, this is Lou’s Day of Atonement for his life of crime with the mob (the old ways). Lou protests that he is not Jewish, he is Catholic. Solomon shows him ihis mother begging the priest do conduct a Funeral Mass for Lou. The priest refuses. It is church policy not to conduct Funeral Masses for Mafiosi.

The facts of his life are revealed to Lou that he has lived by the old belief that he could live with two loyalties: one to the church and the other to its antithesis, the mob, This discovery of Lou establishes his character and begins his quest for change with Solomon’s guidance. Solomon gives him a mission: He can straighten himself out with by doing an act of supreme good, to rectify his life of crime, he must return to earth and persuade his assassin (Carlo) to quit the mob and Solomon hopes that a collateral good will be that if Carlo quits, Sam, his close friend will do the same.

4. Boss Tony Rizzo, the captain of the crew that includes Carlo and Sam needs to kill them as they have been dealing drugs and because Carlo’s ranting about “the ghost of Lou

Tasca will draw heat. The death penalty for dealing drugs is part of the Mafia oath (old ways). Russian Mafia kingpin, Oleg Oransky tells Tony, that, unlike the Russian mob, the Italian American Mafia has too many rules. “Why assassinate two enterprising young men?” Oleg is an FBI informant who is wearing a wire. The conversation tells the FBI Carlo and Sam are in danger and the FBI and Oleg proceed to try to beat Tony’s hitman to Carlo’s apartment and save them and get them to join witness protection. Lou and Solomon are already working on both Carlo and Sam to do just that. The ending is set-up.

5. In Carlo’s apartment, Tony has arrived to find Carlo, Sam, Sherrie, and Oleg present and calls all of them “lousy stinking rats” for wanting to surrender to the FBI and Witness Protection. Tony is still committed to the mores of the mob that “flipping” is wrong. In spite of Carlo, Sam, Sherrie, and Oleg trying to persuade him that it is good to turn from crime, he is unswayed until the FBI enter with Tony’s wife (Lisa). It turns out Lisa was an FBI informant all along. She finally persuades him to surrender, “Can’t you see that you’ll get a lesser penalty for your crimes and that in prison you’ll get help for your gambling addiction and our new life and identity will be good for our marriage and the children?”

The mission is accomplished. This is the Epilogue of the screenplay: Because of Solomon and Lou, not only Carlo and Sam will leave the mob, but so will Tony to the benefit of his family. Solomon calls it a “jackpot of souls.” END.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith Old Ways Challenging Chart

What I learned doing this assignment is to dramatize moments of insights and transformation.

Title of my Screenplay: “Angels in Gangland” Copyright 2021, Robert Russell Smith ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ALL MATERIAL FROM THE SCRIPT QUOTED BELOW ARE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL.

In my screenplay, “Angels in Gangland,” a slain gangster (Lou Tasca) must earn his way to heaven by a supreme act of good to atone for a life of crime and loyalty to the Mafia. The good he must do is to persuade the fellow gangster who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to do as Lou should have done,i.e., quit the mob and join Witness Protection. To carry out his assignment he has a coach, his Spirit Guide, (Rabbi Solomon Levinsky). Yet, Lou is still stuck on his oath to the Mafia.

In this story, the Old Ways are the mores of the Mafia oaths and rules.

OLD WAY

SOLOMON

Here it is: We’re sending you back to earn your Metrocard. *

LOU

Sending me back? Hey! I don’t want to be reincarnated as a rat!

SOLOMON

Lou, you –

LOU

I took an oath to never be a rat.

SOLOMON

Lou –

LOU

I never was a rat and I never will be a rat!

CHALLENGE

SOLOMON

LOU! You will not be reincarnated as a rat. You are headed back to the streets to rectify all this bad stuff and “up” the good in the world. That’s what will get you your Metrocard so you can hop onto your –

SOLOMON AND LOU

(in unison)

“uptown train.”*

*(“Metrocard”and ‘uptown train” are metaphors Solomon and Lou developed themselves in conversation to mean, respectively, “good deeds” and “train to the World to Come, i.e., Heaven.)

OLD WAY

When Lou is told by Solomon that his mission is to convince his own killer (Carlo) to quit the mob.

Both old way and challenge are in this dialogue.

LOU

Carlo Vizzini?! He is the mamaluk who put me here! I’d sooner stuff him into a car trunk and have it compacted in a chop shop. It’s the code we live by.

CHALLENGE

SOLOMON

And die by – you ought to know. Your dead. Revenge never evens any score because what goes around comes around. We are in the redemption business. We need all people to do good that will go around and come around. That’s the redemption business.

LOU

“Redemption business”?!

SOLOMON

The world is a “chop shop.” We repair the world, one soul at a time.

CONNECTS TO THE ENDING: When Carlo and his friend Sam (Solomon’s son) leave the mob, Lou says the following, last line of the play.

LOU (CONT’D)

That is my story. Carlo and Sam went into the Witness Protection Program. So did Oleg and Tony. Sherrie and Carlo have a whole new life, identity, and a family.

Sam returned to his faith. That made Rabbi Sol very happy. A lot of bad was rectified with ripples of good that made deep imprints on the world. What good things are you doing where you are? Whatever it is, may it go around and come around. Oh, and by the way.

(proudly brandishes a Metrocard)

I got my Metrocard. See you soon – but I hope not too soon – on the homebound train.

Lou salutes a good-bye with his Metrocard in hand and walks out of the spot light and disappears into the darkness, exits.

SFX: SOUND: NYC SUBWAY TRAIN DOORS CLOSING AND TRAIN LEAVING STATION.

OLD WAYS and CHALLENGE

After Carlo sees the apparition of Lou Tasca and has a public meltdown, his fiancé (Sherrie) and his friend and fellow wiseguy Sam (Solomon’s son), have this dialogue.

SHERRIE

Carlo was the last person to see Lou alive. He took his death pretty hard. Now he says he saw his ghost. Should we check him into Bellevue?

SAM

Sherrie, it’s out of the question. Carlo took an oath of silence. If he goes into a Psych Ward or sees a shrink, he’ll be suspected of telling family secrets.

SHERRIE

Oh, all these traditions about “oaths” and “secrets” and “omerta”! What are these oaths that you take? A suicide pact?

OLD WAYS and CHALLENGE

In the following dialogue. Lou is visible only to Carlo, not to Sherrie but she believes that he is present.

CARLO

All right! Lou says I should leave the mob and go into Witness Protection!.

SHERRIE

Thank you, Lou.

CARLO

But if I leave the mob, say goodbye to the glamour and the money.

SHERRIE

It’s blood money and I have had enough of gangster glam. I have also had enough of asking myself, what kind of marriage will we have? Which will come first? You going to prison or me standing at your grave?

(Begins to cry.)

SHERRIE (CONT’D)

Now, I know you committed a crime. But if I dare to know what it is, then I am an accessory?! And now you are haunted by a man who was murdered and –

(With a realization.)

Why are you haunted by the ghost of a murdered man?

LOU

Tell her and then surrender yourself to Witness Protection!

CARLO

I will not go into Witness Protection and be a rat.

LOU

You’d be protected from Tony Rizzo who already suspects you of dealing drugs.

OLD WAY and CHALLENGE

In dialogue, when CARLO realizes from his supernatural visits from Lou and Solomon including dybbuk-like spirit possession, that Tony Rizzo who ordered Carlo to kill LOU has now sent a hitman to assassinate him (Carlo) and his friend (Sam, Solomon’s son). The following dialogue occurs. What Carlo doesn’t know is that Sam is the hitman dispatched by Tony.

SAM

Tony ordered a hit on you because you’re a nut-case and a problem who will draw heat. He ordered me to do the job. That’s right! Tony sent me! I am that hitman!

SOLOMON

Oh, God, forbid!

Lou comforts Solomon. Carlo edges his way in front of Solomon and Lou, heading toward the archway to other rooms.

SAM

I pleaded for you. I said to Tony that you’re like a brother. I told him I would make you come to your senses. But Tony said, if I can’t make you come to your senses, then, I have to do the hit. And now you tell me you’re going to flip and rat us all out?! And I should be your fellow rat?!

Sam pulls out a .38 handgun and points it at Carlo.

Carlo puts up his hands and holds them up.

SAM (CONT’D)

Don’t make me do it, Carlo.

SOLOMON

No. Shmuley, no!

CARLO

Sam, let’s go turn ourselves in to the Feds. Never mind what the boss ordered you to do or what your oath to this thing of ours requires. It’s what your father wants.

SAM

Shut up! Get real! I don’t know how you did that ventriloquist act of my father – but I am no dummy! All this Dybbuk-business is crazy and you better snap out of it! If you don’t, I will have to kill you. If I don’t, Tony will kill us both. Now. For the last time. Snap out of it. Swear that you are not going to flip. We convince Tony your head is screwed back on. Everything goes back to the way it was. And what happened here today … never … happened!

CARLO

Sam, can’t you see that Tony Rizzo is using you to kill me, just as he used me to kill Lou? Tony wants to kill us both for drug dealing on the sneak. So, that means only one thing: You are the hitman he sent to kill me. Then, after you kill me, Tony will kill you. Now, I am going to go to –

Carlo lowers his hands and steps toward the archway, crossing L-R, but Sam stops him.

SAM

Don’t move!

CARLO

Sam, right now, I am going to go to the bedroom where I’ll pack a bagbag. You can come with me to the Feds. Or you can shoot. If you shoot, I will only be dead. But you will feel just as guilty about whacking me as I feel about whacking Lou. The difference is, you won’t feel guilty for as long as I have. Because Tony is coming to kill you next.

Carlo turns to exit through the archway.

SAM

Wait.

Sam puts away his gun.

SAM (CONT’D)

I’ll help you pack, if you help me.

Carlo and Sam embrace.

Solomon and Lou turn toward each other.

SOLOMON AND LOU

Mission: Accomplished.

Solomon and Lou DISSOLVE OUT, exit.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith 12 Angry Men Analysis

What I learned from this assignment is how interaction between characters can change ways of beliving by challenges based on factual challenges, questioning of assumptions, and painful introspection after having been exposed as prejudiced or short-sighted or being unable to see things as they are.

Old Way

ASSUMPTION OF GUILT by entire Jury who accepts the prosecutor’s case uncritically, with the exception of Juror 8 (Henry Fonda)

Challenge

Juror 8 (Henry Fonda) and after him Juror 9 (Joseph Sweeney) challenge the others with

The principle of assumptioin of innocence unless proven beyond reasonable doubt. Jurors 8 and 9 have reasonable doubt.

Old Way

JUST WANT THIS OVER. Chiefly, Jurors 3 (Lee J. Cobb) #7 (Jack Warden) and 10 (Ed Begley).

Challenge

Juror 11 (George Voscovec) lectures Juror 7 on importance of deliberative process in the case.

Old Way

NOT CARING.Jururs 3 and 10 are adamant about sending the defendant to his execution.

Challenge

Juror 8 berates Juror 3 for wanting to be the executioner.

Old Way

PREJUDICE. Juror 10 hates the ethnic group of the defendant. He says, “He don’t even speak English.” Juror 11 (himself a naturalized citizen from Europe)corrects Juror 10, “Doesn’t speak English.”

Old Way PREJUDICE CONT’D

Prejudice of Juror 7 against Juror 11 for suggesting a new way to deliberate, i.e., a foreigner ‘taking over.”

Challenge

All jurors treat Juror 7 with silence of rejection.

Old Way PREJUDICE CONT’D

Juror 10 (Begley) is most prejudiced against the defendant’s ethnic group. And collectively accused them of criminality.

Challenge

All jurors see through his prejudice and abandon him. Juror 8 (Fonda) says, “prejudice always obscures the truth.” Juror #10 accepts that he is prejudiced which has obscured his ethical and moral judgment from seeing the truth.

Old Way

NOT LOOKING BENEATH SURFACE

Challenge

Juror 8 shows a knife identical to the murder weapon indicating that someone other than the defendant could have murdered his father with the same kind of knife and thus plants reasonable doubt in the minds of the other jurors. The ball of reasonable doubt is now rolling for most jurors.

Old Way

ASSUMING THE EVIDENCE IS NOT QUESTIONABLE.

Juror 4 (E. G. Marshall) doesn’t buy the alibi that the defendant went to the movies and then was reported by police to not remembering the films he saw.

Challenge

Juror 8 (Fonda) asserts that under the strain of finding his father had been murdered, of course he couldn’t remember. He tests Juror 4’s memory which is not perfect and that without strain and shock.

Old Way

ASSUMING THE WITNESSES ARE ACCURATE.

Juror 3 (Cobb) objects to trying the case all over. The witnesses were under oath and wouldn’t lie.

Challenge

Juror 8 (Fonda) says, “not lie. But the are human and humans make mistakes.” Juror 8 with support of Juror 9 (Sweeney) proves on the physical evidence that the noise of the train from the passing elevated train that the old man could not have heard the voice of the defendant saying I’m gonna kill you.” and the body hit the floor (above). Nor, with a lame leg could he have walked the hallway in 15 seconds to see the defendant run out into the street. Likewise the defendant most likely would not have remembered the movies he saw under the strain and shock of finding his father had been murdered, of course he couldn’t remember. He tests Juror 4’s memory which turns out to not be perfect even when not under strain or shock. ck.

Juror 9 notices Juror 4 rubbed his nose on the irritating impressions left by glasses. He demonstrates that the woman who claims to have seen the defendant kill his father had obscured vision because she wears glasses (demonstrated by having similar marks on her nose) his and could have been wearing them while the elevator train ran by saw for only seconds with her poor eyesight. In other words, she could not have seen what she claimed to have seen. Jurors 1 and 5 say they noticed

Old Way

ASSUMING THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY DID HIS JOB.

Juror 3 claims if all this evidence was flimsy why didn’t the defense attorney question it.

Challenge

Juror 6 (Ed Binns) thought the defense attorney could have been stronger. Juror 8 said if he was on trial for his life, he’d want hihs lawyer to tear the prosecution case apart.” But a young, unpaid attorney didn’t have interest in his client.

Old Way

ASSUMING THE CASE IS COMPLETELY LOGICAL.

Juror 3 derides all the challenges of Jurors 8 and 9, and their supporters as nit-picking on a case that is logically presented.. .

Challenge

With painful introspection Juror 3 realizes that he is prejudiced for the prosecution case because he is seeing the case through the lens of his own abusive and violent relationship with his son, whose picture he tears up, and then, votes “Not guilty.”

[Robert Smith]

Robert R. Smith Profound Ending

Answer the question “what I learned doing this assignment is…? (place at top of your work.

To sharpen dialogue and character development so that it heads to a profound ending, with twists and turns.

Design your ending to have a profound impact.

Title: ANGELS IN GANGLAND

1. What is your Prpfound Truth and how will it be delivered powerfully in your ending?

Earlier in the film. Rabbi Solomon explains that revenge never works because what goes around comes around. What is needed to heal the broken world is for everybody to do good that comes around and goes around. He uses the analogy of a NYC Subway Metrocard (good deeds) being the ticket onto the homebound train to the reward of the World to Come. Lou must atone for his life of crime by earning his Metrocard by persuading his assassin (Carlo Vizzini) to do what he (Lou) should have done, i.e., quit the mob and join Witness Protection.

At the end of the film, Lou Tasca that mission is accomplished and he sums up the story this way:

LOU

That is my story. Carlo and Sam went into the Witness Protection Program. So did Oleg and Tony. Sherrie and Carlo have a whole new life, identity, and a family. Sam returned to his faith. That made Rabbi Sol very happy. A lot of bad was rectified with ripples of good that made deep imprints on the world. What good things are you doing where you are? Whatever it is, may it go around and come around. Oh, and by the way.

(proudly brandishes a Metrocard)

I got my Metrocard. See you soon – but I hope not too soon – on the homebound train.

Lou salutes a good-bye with his Metrocard in hand and walks out of the spot light and disappears into the darkness, exits.

SFX: SOUND: NYC SUBWAY TRAIN DOORS CLOSING AND TRAIN LEAVING STATION.

2. How do your lead characters (Change Agent and Transformable Characters0 come to an end in a way that represents the completed change?

They become a team of spirit guide (Rabbi Solomon Levinsky) and transformable character (Lou Tasca) on the mission to persuade Carlo Vizzini and his fellow gangster (and Solomon’s son) Sam to quit the mob and join Witness Protection Program. Solomon has transformed Lou from a criminal to a man of conscience and good will. Together they saved the lives and souls of Carlo and Sam, first by saving them from assassination by their mob captain, Tony Rizzo, and by successfully persuading them to escape death by quiting the mob and joining Witness Protection.

3. What are the set up/payoffs that complete in the end of this movie, giving it deep meaning?

The good done by Lou and Solomon are far reaching as it results in Carlo and Sherrie (his fiancé), Sam, Tony Rizzo, and Oleg Oransky ( a Russian mob boss who providentially has already and turned FBI informant. Lou calls it a “jackpot of souls”who have all joined Witness Protection.

4. How are you designing it to have us see an inevitable ending and then making it surprising when it happens? (A jackpot of souls)

Through twists and turns.

Tony Rizzo, mob captain and boss of Lou Tasca, Carlo Vizzini, and Sam Levinsky, orderedCarlo to kill Lou, ostensiby because Lou was telling mob family secrets to members of other families. Real reason: Tony owed Lou $200K in gambling debts and cancelled the debts by having Carlo cancel Lou by assassination. Tony aims to kill Carlo and Sam because Carlo starts raving about seeing the ghost of Lou Tasca. Moreover Tony rightly suspects Carlo and Sam of dealing drugs with a Colombian drug cartel – punishable by death in the Mafia. Tony now plans to kill Carlo and Sam, but Rabbi Solomon, by dybbuk-like spirit possession warns Carlo and Sam of the danger to them and that they must save their lives and souls by quitiing the mob and surrendering to Witness Protection. As it turns out, Sam is the hitman sent by Tony to kill Carlo after which Tony will kill Sam – which Sam does not know. It looks like all is lost but Carlo persuades Sam to join him in surrendering to the FBI by saying if he (Sam) kills him (Carlo) he’ll feel just as guilty as he did after killing Lou. Oleg Oransky, a Russian Mob Kingpin and FBI informant warns the FBI of the danger to Carlo and Sam from Tony.. Oleg joins the FBI agents Michelle Ippolito and Dave Moore to intervene. Oleg is considered by Solomon to be a godsend and a mensh. Oleg arrives to warn Sam and Carlo that Tony Rizzo is on his way to kill them but so is the FBI.. Tony arrives and is met by the defiance of Carlo, Sam, Sherrie, and Oleg who brag that they are proud “lousy stinking rats” who will do the right and good thing of surrendering to the FBI Witness Protection Program. He is about to execute them when the FBI arrives and the FBI and former gangsters encourage Tony to surrender also. Tony’s long-suffering wife also arrives. She had been an FBI informant all along and says she thinks of what has happened as an intervention to persuade Tony to do the right thing and join the gang and surrender to Witness Protection. ,

5. What is the parting Image/ Line that leaves us with the profound Truth in our minds?

The parting image is Lou and Solomon basking in the success of their mission and the possibility that they may share future missions as a team, name: Better Angels. and then Lou delivers the closing line written above in #1.

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by  Robert Smith.
• This reply was modified 4 years ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

Robert R.Smith Connection with Audience.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS: To reexamine my script with an eye of character development and dialogue to create connectedness with the audience.

My screenplay. Title: “Angels in Gangland.”

Nutshell: Think “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life” with a Jewish twist.

Logline: Because of his life of crime, the soul of a slain gangster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to Come unless he returns to earth and do a good deed with a far-reaching impact, namely, persuades his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to leave the mob and go into Witness Protection.

OVERVIEW

Drawing from gangster films and supernatural films of redemption with the help of guardian angels, Angels in Gangland creates a world between two worlds and its intersection with the everyday world. In this case a world of criminal activity. Angels in Gangland is a story of despair but ultimately it is a tale of redemption.

CHARACTERS

Lou Tasca – (50–ish.) A seasoned wise-guy who was slain in a mob hit and is in search of redemption from his life of crime so he can enter the World to Come.

Carlo Vizzini – (30 years old.)A young soldier in the Giordano Crime Family who assassinated Lou by order of his crew captain, Tony Rizzo. He resists Lou’s attempt to persuade him to do the inconceivable of “flip” and rat out his fellow mobsters.

Solomon Levinsky – (60’s.)The spiri guide of Lou on his quest for redemption by getting Carlo to leave the mob. Solomon was an accountant in the Garment District but also earned a Rabbinical Degree. He is learned in the Jewish mysticism of the Kabballah. His son Sam was a boyhood friend of Carlo and they both became members of the Giordano Family. Solomon hopes to get Sam to leave the mob through Carlo, if Lou can get Carlo to leave.

Sam Levinsky – (Early to mid 30’s) The son of Solomon Levinsky who calls him “Shmuley,” a diminutive of the Hebrew name Shmuel (Samuel). Sam is an associate of the Giordano Crime Family but cannot be a member because he is not Italian. He and Carlo have been friends since childhood. To the dismay of his father (Rabbi Solomon Levinsky, Sam left his Jewish faith in order to become a mob associate.

The Characters for intentional connection to audience–

Lou Tasca – (50–ish.) A seasoned wise-guy who was slain in a mob hit and is in search of redemption from his life of crime so he can enter the World to Come.

Carlo Vizzini – (30 years old.)A young soldier in the Giordano Crime Family who assassinated Lou by order of his crew captain, Tony Rizzo. He resists Lou’s attempt to persuade him to do the inconceivable of “flip” and rat out his fellow mobsters.

Solomon Levinsky – (60’s.)The spirit guide of Lou on his quest for redemption by getting Carlo to leave the mob. Solomon was an accountant in the Garment District but also earned a Rabbinical Degree. He is learned in the Jewish mysticism of the Kabballah. His son Sam was a boyhood friend of Carlo and they both became members of the Giordano Family. Solomon hopes to get Sam to leave the mob through Carlo, if Lou can get Carlo to leave..

Sam Levinsky – (Early to mid 30’s) The son of Solomon Levinsky who calls him “Shmuley,” a diminutive of the Hebrew name Shmuel (Samuel). Sam is an associate of the Giordano Crime Family but cannot be a member because he is not Italian. He and Carlo have been friends since childhood. To the dismay of his father (Rabbi Solomon Levinsky, Sam left his Jewish faith in order to become a mob associate.

Connecting characters with audience.

LOU TASCA:

A. Relatablility: He asks a question most people ask at some time in their lives: Haven’t I done enough good in life to go o heaven? In other words, “What is the ulimate and eternal disposition of my soul for good or for ill for eternity. He also returns to go abroud among the living in order to atone for his life of crime and do one supreme good deed to win eternal reward: convince the fellow wiseguy who killed him to turn State’s Evidence and joint Witness Protection. .

B. Intrigue: Two intrigues: Loue is a disembodied spirit who moves between the spirit world and the earthly world of organized crime.

C. Empathy: Lou is saddled with an impossible task: Getting a Mafia gangster to “flip” and violate the sacred oath of the Cosa Nostra to be loyal. Hasn’t everybody had something that looks like an impossible task.

D. Likeability: “He is a tough guy with a heart” He is tough talking guy who is funny as he explains who he did go good for lot’s of people and should have a share in the World to Come. For essample, he donated Turkeys to a homeless shelter for Thanksgiving and helped a neighbor with the rent. However he stole the Turkeys from a truck he had hijacked and “made the landlord an offer he couldn’t refuse.” He might have been a loanshark but he was a volunteer at St. Anthony’s Church where the priest told him to put a message on the church sign: “Pray without ceasing.” But he puts up “Pay without ceasing.’ He defends himself by saying that it was a Freudian slip but “on the upside the Poor Box hit the jackpot.”

CARLO VIZZINI:

A. Relateability – Carlo committed the murder of a friend (Lou Tasca) and is guilt-ridden. Everybody regrets something they did and may have been challenged by what they have do to make it right and find redemption. For Carlo, it is hard for him to leave the old belief system of the Mafia of absolute silence and loyalty and flip and go over to the side of the Law in Witness Protection. .

B. Intrigue: Two intrigues: Carlo is haunted by the spirit of Lou Tasca whom he murdered and is also bound to the oppressive belief system of organized crime.

C. Empathy– Getting out of the mob is not easy just as any of us may or might find ourselves mixed up in something we wish we could get out of.

D. Likeability – Carlo was once hooked on cocaine and alcohol but is now in recovery. He peppers his speech with gangster jargon but comes across with authenticity in his struggle with what he has to do (leave the mob) as the only way to get rid of the spirit of Lou.

RABBI SOLOMON LEVINSKY

A. Relatability – He is tormented by his rebellious son (Sam) who has rejected the life of an observant Jew and joined the mob and Solomon wants to get his son to leave the mob with Carlo if Lou can get Carlo to leave. Solomon regrets that he disowned his son when he learned that he joined the mob.

B. Intrigue – Solomon is a spirit guide for Lou and crosses two worlds (the spirit world and the earthly world of the Cosa Nostra on his quest to coach Lou on the way to his redemption and get his son out of the mob for the good of his life and his soul.

C. Empathy – Although he appears to be a judge of Lou he is also an exacting but empathetic coach.

D. Likeability – Although Solomon is pious, nobody can pull the wool over his eyes, especially Lou. Solomon is street-wise and survived the crime-ridden garment district of New York. He is personable and a source of wisdom and insight.

SAM LEVINSKY

A Relatability – Lives with the pain that his father (Solomon) disinherited and disowned him. This is a primordial problem parental rejection.

B. Intrigue – He too lives with the old silence and loyalty belief system of the Mafia. Sam is a down to earth rationalist who is now confronted with Carlo’s claim to be haunted by the ghost of a fellow wisseguy he was ordered to whack, Lou Tasca.

C. Empathy -. His doubts express our doubts about a supernatural encounter.

D Likeability – He cares for Carlo’s well-being and says things that poke fun at other characters. Like Zoey the Psychic Stripper who is to be called to do a Séance to send away the spirit of Lou Tasca. Sam says, “What is Zoey going to do to get rid of Lou? Promise him a free lapdance in the Hereafter?”

[Robert Smith]

What strikes me about Matrix is that it is a parody of Christianity and Gnosticism. The dual themes of Faith (in oneself) and Knowledge of the Matrix (the world), are both are Truths needed for transformation. Neo goes through a journey that is a discovery of these Truths by which he emerges as the One. Parallels “Are you the one or shall we look for another?” (Matthew 11:3). Neo’s bath in which he comes out hairless is the equivalent of Baptism in Which he emerges as a “Christ.” Shortly afterward he is tested by ordeal and apocalyptic combat in which he saves Morphius, the original transformative agent and follower along with the woman and Tank and all the other supporters. The gradients are love and loyalty to them in which he has grown.

[Robert Smith]

That transformation happens without telegraphing ‘the message.’ It is through character changes happening by interacting.

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Friends. I am Robert R. Smith (he/his/him). You may call me “Bob.” I am a retired Episcopal Priest. All my life I have been involved in using my talent in theatre arts as actor, writer, and director. I even wrote and performed comedy sketches as sermons. Mofre recently I was a actor and writer of a local Improv and sketch comedy group. I have written one act plays. I just wrote my first full length play, “Angels in Gangland.” Because of Covid restriction, we had to produce it as a Zoom production, which was very well received. I am now adapting the play to the screen. It still needs work. So I am glad to be in this class with Hal and all of you.

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Jane!

I am way behind because of some personal things that have come up. i just posted my Thriller Map 1 on Day 15 and was writing to ask you to read it and give feedback. I’ll do the same for you. I apologize for not replying to your messages. That’s how far behind I am. To catch up on assignments I have been negligent and remiss in the correspondence department.

Robert Smith

[Robert Smith]

Jane:

Hi, I have been away from the class and forum but greatly appreciate your insights and suggestions. I have started another project because I was not satisfied with Beach Girl as a thriller. I have started work on “The Golem in Gangland.” A golem being a Frankenstein-like monster of clay out of Jewish legends. I realized that was more of a Gangster-Horror genre but I have laden it with features of a thriller so I think it fills the bill.

Many thanks, Jane.

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Christi.

This is Robert Smith, for a number of personal reasons I have fallen behind. Way behind. I just submitted the second version of my Thriller Map on Day 15 and would lile to ask you for your feedback. I’ll be glad to do the same with yours. I scrapped the project you were commenting on. I have what is a crime thriller with a supernatural twist.

Would you like to do this?

Thank you for all the feedback you have provided to my other project which at some point i may resume.

Best Always,

Robert Smith

[Robert Smith]

Thank you so much, Christi. I appreciate your valuable perspective, encouragement, kind words, and suggestions.

Sorry I am getting back to you so late. I have abandoned this project. It just didn’t seem to fit the bill as a thriller but more of a drama with thriller elements that Hal warned us against. My new project is “The Golem in Gangland.” A gangster-horror genre. A golem is a Frankenstein-like monster that is obedient to command but grows in size and strength until it destroys and its master becomes its slave. However, I realized I wasn’t incorporating enough thriller elements and had to rewrite the Thriller Map. It’s taken weeks. I got behiind already when I came down with Covid the effects of which continued even after I tested negative and was in the clear of Covid. So I fell way behind.

Many thanks for reaching out.

Robert “Bob”

[Robert Smith]

Thank you, Christi. I very much appreciate your perspective and questions. Yes, even in the Weinstein era the sexual crimes continue. That I will address in the post-litigation role of Brandy (the protagonist’s name) in her new role as advocate for Women’s Rights and Workplace Justice, because the hostile environments persist. Thanks for the suggestion.

My story is inspired by actual events that occurred over a period of time in different situations involving different persons. The landmark decision is fiction although it is inspired by rulings against blaming the victim.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

Many thanks for your important suggestions. If I resume this project I’ll keep what you say in mind. Right now, as I’ve stated elsewhere, I have taken up a new, and I believe, more ‘thriller’ concept.

[Robert Smith]

Appreciate your support and suggestions. They are good.

How’s this as the landmark decision against the defense position that Brandy “knew what she was getting into” when she agreed to be a nude model for centerfolds such as “Beach Girl of the Month” and then “Beach Girl of the Year.” She knew that she was getting into when she started working for Beach House magazine, a sexually charged men’s magazine and work environment and therefore she brought on the harassment. The ruling against this defense position is that even though Brandy was a nude model working in a sex-charged studio of a skin magazine, does not mean she was ‘fair game’ for sexual harassment or that she brought on the harassment and coercion to do a porn film. Her no meant no.

Just got an idea: As we have seen so often in cases like this, other women come forward with the same experience as Brandy.

This would be controversial and I’d appreciate you thoughts: That with other models for centerfolds coming forward with their stories of harassment and coercion, the workplace justice category also extends to workplace justice for sex workers, which includes, strippers, models, etc. (There is such a movement.) Your thoughts are appreciated.

I appreciate your suggestion, but I feel uncomfortable adding to a Query Letter such details about how I crafted the character of Brandy and the story. I feel it’s unnecessary unless the producer asks afterward.

Yes, thank you for your hope that you will see me sell the script to a manager/producer. Your support means a great deal to me.

[Robert Smith]

Thank you, Christi. This script is mine. I know I can write it, I just wrote a stage play (“Angels in Gangland”) the recording of which ended up the winner of Best Feature Film at a local film festival. Just had a staged reading of it which was well-received.

I appreciate all your thoughts and support.

[Robert Smith]

Thank you, Christi. This is not a completed feature. Only notes and an outline at this point. I am open to suggestions on how to tighten it up with a more definitive beginning, middle, and end.

[Robert Smith]

I like to learn more from you about all of this.

I don’t follow what you mean by giving away beats? and it can lose me my screenplay.

Appreciate your words about the film hitting 50k. Are you saying go for it or dial it back to below 15k?

If you like, please contact me at RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net. or 443-674-8659.

[Robert Smith]

Thank you, Jane. I am still working on the screenplay adaptation of my stage play “Angels in Gangland.”

It is the story of a slain gangster who can’t get into heaven unless he returns to gangland to haunt and convince his killer to do as he should have done, quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness Protection Program. PICTURE: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

[Robert Smith]

Thank you, Jane. I am also behind schedule. There was a last week of rehearsals and the performances of a play I wrote (“Angels in Gangland”), so I am also behind in a couple of assignments.

[Robert Smith]

Hi, John!

It was Dress Rehearsal and Opening Night for a staged reading of my play “Angels in Gangland” as I am still. (Tonight we open.) I am intrigued by extreme screenwriting.com. What is “recommend from coverage”? I am new in this so I am unfamiliar with certain terms.

Glad you got your recommends.

In bold print I have added some suggestions on rewording and recrafting the story.

_______

John Chabot

Hi, John!

I realize that most of my feedback would lengthen the QL. Of course you are the judge of what to do but if something more could be briefly be said about each subject I cite, it might aid the appeal to a reader..

You have an intriguing story. A wild crazy story. Good! Injecting a comedy club in Medieval times. Alternate title: “Game of Groans” or “When You Die at the Castle You Really Die.” (Although something like that is a Mel Brooks line from History of the World Part 1 It’s about Caesar’s Palace: “When you die at the Palace you really die.”

Just an idea: Vall the comedy club The Castle, the Catacomb, the Joke Dungeon.

I’d like to read the script.

ABOUT THE CRITERIA FOR CRITIQUES.

1. The opening hook the Court Jester Good News/Bad News. Good hook.

2. The Jester is an interesting character.

3. QL flows nicely.

4. A kingdom, a Princess, and a comedy club is a good impossible goal hook.

5. See my comments.

6. Suggestions: See below.

Good Luck, John.

Bob

Robert R. Smith.

John Chabot’s Query Letter Draft One

Title: JESTER (SUGGESTION: ALTERNATE TITLE “Game of Groans”

Written by John Chabot

Genre: Dark Comedy

Great news! You’ve been invited to the castle. Bad news? It’s not for the court jester job like you thought. Instead, you are injected with a wizard’s sperm and told to go impregnate an enemy princess.

Why did the wizard choose you? The enemy princess saw your stand up comedy routine and casually remarked, “Every woman wants a man who can make her laugh.”

What’s at stake? Your life. Your parents’ lives.

What stands in your way? A heartthrob rock musician. (SUGGESTION: FLESH OUT BRIEFLY HOW THIS CHARACTER STANDS IN HIS WAY”) And two wizards in cahoots.

How do things go? After getting this close (i i), you’re sentenced to hang in the morning. SUGGEST MORE BRIEF EXPLANATION ABOUT WHY? WHAT FOR?

In prison, you meet your kingdom’s princess, who everyone thought was dead. (SUGGESTION: CLARIFY Is this the enemy Princess he’s supposed to impregnate? _Besides giving you a handjob to relieve the wizard’s burden she knights you before you go to the gallows. SUGGESTION: CLARIFY: IF KNIGHTED, WHY DOES HE GO TO GALLOWS? WHY KNIGHTED IF HE IS CONDEMNED?

Fortunately, you’re saved from the noose (SUGGESTION: Explain briefly by why.) Unfortunately, it’s by the other wizard. He hypnotizes you and sends you to kill your king. (SUGGEST YOU CONSIDER A CRAZY, FUNNY MAGIC SPELL HERE MIGHT ENHANCE THIS.)Fortunately, the plot is foiled. Unfortunately, the enemy princess wants you back, which means another injection!

After “discharging” the wizard’s spell you scream, “Screw the man! I’m gonna save my princess!” Then you kick ass, and then you kick more ass with your princess kicking ass by your side.

And you live happily ever after as king, with a beautiful queen and your own comedy club, (Idea: how about his own sit-com on one of those rickety traveling medieval stages!

Though set in Medieval times, the humor in Jester plays on modern concerns and modern conventions, E.G., a comedy club set in Medieval times. Jester received a Recommend from extremescreenwriting.com and a Consider from Coverage Ink.

(CONGRATULATIONS ON THIS, JOHN.

If you would like to read Jester, I would be happy to send you a copy. Thank you.

I ‘d like to read the script.

BIO: Besides thinking I am funny (I get in a lot of debates!) (Don’t denigrate yourself, that you think you’re funny. YOU ARE FUNNY.), I like to write screenplays with a comedian as the protagonist. Jester is the third. (It’s a good subject.)

GOOD LUCK JOHN. I think you have something good here

John Chabot

johnnywriter@cogeco.ca

(905) 937-5479

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

Hi, John!

Thank you for your supportive and kind words and suggestions. I call myself a playwright because “Angels and Gangland” was a stage play recorded on Zoom, not a screenplay although I am writing a screenplay adaptation. It’s my first full length stage play and screenplay. So, playwright is what I chose to call myself, until I get the screenplay completed. (I hope that answers your question and makes sense.)I’ll get back to you later. “Angels” has a performance in two days and I’m running around with ‘stuff’ to do. Thanks for your patience.

Robert R. Smith “Bob”

[Robert Smith]

As I mentioned, Jeffrey, you nailed it. I just suggest you change ‘hypnotist’ to ‘hypnotherapist.’

Good Luck. I look forward to seeing ‘Shards’ on the screen.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Joe!

I haven’t rec’d your RomCom yet and I haven’t sent my gangster-comedy. I don’t have your email address, mine is RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

Bob

2

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Joe!

I got my gangster-comedy ready to go, please send me your Rom-com.

Bob

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

[Robert Smith]

Send the rom-com RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net.

[Robert Smith]

I’ll need another day with my gangster-comedy.

Thank you.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Jeffrey!

Want to exchange again? My screenplay is ANGELS IN GANGLAND. A Gangster-Comedy.

I am polishing off the script a bit more and will have it ready in a day or so.

Best Always,

Bob

Robert R. Smith

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

[Robert Smith]

I agree with Farrin and want to say, “Thank you so much, Hal.”

[Robert Smith]

Oh, I love all those films, I’m sure I”ll love yours. I just accepted your request to connect.

Have a great night.

Any idea what is meant by a Beat Sheet? I saw Blake Snyder’s Beat Sheet but is that all there is?

Many Thanks, Leona.

Bob

Robert Smith

443-674-8659

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.netr

[Robert Smith]

You have a good project here. Sounds intriguing and funny and something you can have fun with. Good Luck and

All the Best Always,

Bob

Robert Smith

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net.

[Robert Smith]

Many thanks, Leona, for your message re: your experience with the problem of a short script. I”ll keep your solution in mind as a possible remedy.

Good Luck.

Best Always,

Bob👌👍

Robert R. Smith

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net.

[Robert Smith]

My sincere apologies, Jeff. I totally missed your email and your post here until Cheryl reminded me. Please send me the email again.

Best Always,

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Dear Jacqueline:

I write this with apologies. I know you sent me an email with an outline attached earlier today. It is no longer in my inbox and isn’t in trash or spam. Please re-send your email to me at RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net.

Thank you so much, including for your patience.

Best Always,

Bob

Robert Russell Smith

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Rebecca.

Very glad to exchange with you.

Many thanks for asking.

Bob

Robert Russell Smith

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

[Robert Smith]

Wow, CJ, that’s a powerful concept there. It reminds me of Curt Siodmak’s Donovan’s Brain and Hauser’s Memory. Siodmak also wrote the original 1940 “The Wolf Man”.

I look forward to reading your outline. Please send it to me and I’ll reply with mine.

Many thanks.

Best Always,

Bob

Robert Russell Smith

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net.

[Robert Smith]

Thank you, Farrin, I rec’d your email and outline and just replied with my own. Any problems opening it, please let me know.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Yes, Maryland. Pennsylvania was pretty solidly Union.

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Bobby!

I like your concept andtitle which is a parody on the mythic “Jason and the Argonauts.” I love horror, comedy, and I’m a Civil War buff – lots of potential fun here so I am looking forward to how you develop your project.

Good Luck.

Bob

Robert R. Smith

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Lori!

Like Bobby Sachar, I also like your concept and see it as a potential Horror/Comedy. Good Luck.

Bob Smith

Robert R. Smith

[Robert Smith]

Thank you so very much, Bobby. Really appreciate the encouragement.

Bobby Smith

[Robert Smith]

You are most welcome, MIchelle.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

It would be really great if you could find a producer with the same problem.

You created hooks nicely at the beginning that kept me reading and I had a laugh at the end. So, if I was a producer, I’d love to read the script – love to read it anyway. Or even better, see it on the silver screen. I think it would make a good pilot for a tv-series. I think the line about Halloween could be a little “hookier” – maybe play on what you’re saying with a trick or treat metaphor.

Your script must be a real hoot. Great Query Letter.

Bob Smith

[Robert Smith]

Way to go, Amy!

[Robert Smith]

Yes, thank you for being in touch. As I mentioned in my email. We’ll partner.

Bob

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

[Robert Smith]

I am also running late. But glad to partner.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Thank you, Rob. I appreciate your kind words and how much you like my script and also have some very useful suggestions about character descriptions. I’ll address that as I get to my first draft.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Rob!

Excellent work. Something I may not have remarked upon is so evident here. I like the way your description/directions have an engaging conversational style. YOu have an excellent first ten pages that have all the principal elements to keep me reading, and I am sure will keep others pegged to the pages. I hope they will soon peg a producer.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

It’s a killer opening. Just the idea that a vampire is bored with all that longevity of undeadness is hoot.

You have effective hooks and anticipatory dialogue (or narrative).

[Robert Smith]

Hi, John!

You did it. Setups and payoffs pay off and wraps up nicely with the reunion.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

You nailed it, Rob. Good execution. Wasn’t Danny the guy Annie went out with (who is living inside the walls? He is he guy she meets on the internet, right?

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Rob!

I think the shock ending works beautifully. Leaves open ended: Is Danny still in the house, is it Annie’s mother’s ghost, or another entity unrelated but present. It explains those times when what appears earlier as paranormal activity were not Danny at all but perhaps an unrelated entity in the house. Refresh my memory: Does Danny die? Could it be his apparition and activity. Anyway, yes, it is a shock and a cliff hanger. Do you plan on a sequel?

Be well, be safe.

Bob Smith

[Robert Smith]

Thank you, again, Rob, for your supportive words and suggestion. I am going ahead on my script to bring it to completion. The headaches i mentioned in my email to you I know I’ll get over and I won’t let them stand in the way of the progress of this script.

Please excuse my whiney email.

Best also to you as you progress with your gem.

Peace,

Bob

[Robert Smith]

CRITIQUE FOR ROB BERTRAND

Hi, Rob!

This is a well-done scene with ‘kick-ass’ dialogue. Characters are real and the attack counter attack model plays out. I can’t think of any way to improve it or even throw you a line of bait to consider changing anything. The dialogue also leads the story on and it is a great story.

Good Luck in all things, Rob. Let’s stay in touch. My email: RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net.

.Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Rob!

I have followed your scenes with great interest. You have a juicy story here and it has the right suspense all the way. As I was reading this. I thought, when Annie is gone, the closet door creaks open again. But that might be what you want the audience to anticipate. And when it doesn’t, that is fun for the audience. Your dialogue is colorful and expressive of the characters. It anticipates where things are going from here and raises the tension.

I welcome your feedback on my scene.

Many thanks.

All the Best.

Bob

PS – and let’s keep in touch. RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net.

[Robert Smith]

Very well written. Chilling. Captures the subtext of both characters backstory and current processes. Good character development of Annie and Jocelyn (I sensed that from the beginning of your work that I read in a previous module.) The images are strong but I couldn’t help but think of how that sick guy could do so much to look convincingly like her Mom with bent and mangled arms. Perhaps, would you consider more subtlety or playing with partly concealed images that still leave an impression? (Just a thought.) It was scary. Wouldn’t want to spoil the scare.

Best,

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Michelle!

A good, short exciting scene. At the end Osgood echos Dracula, “I never drink wine.” (Excellent!) “douchebag’s red corvette,” Yes, also effective. From the skill mastery sheet, yes, anticipatory dialogue, Suspense, HOOKS, uncertainty – all present. Reflecting on your own suggestions to me, Yes, I see how you use minimum words to get to the poing and the action iis not only in the dialogue but your action descriptions. It is a page-turner, or in our case, a post-scroller. You nailed it!

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Elizabeth: Love your characters and the scene as a whole, but who is Adam-Eve? According to the skill master sheet you have Anticipatory dialogue, suspense, hooks, and uncertainties. Love the exchange: “You hooked up 3times.” “At my age you don’t dawdle.” Pretty much describes Ed. Your descriptions are filled with action. It is intense. You have held me and made me see very vividly the circumstances of these characters and their own internal struggles that you have developed so effectively.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Are you up for an exchange, Elizabeth?

[Robert Smith]

As always, Elizabeth, your critique is at once supportive and good suggestions for improving my work. Coincidence: Emil Jannings was born in Rorschach Switzerland. At this point I have a major distraction from my work: The legalities and rights I must secure for this script. Yes, I believe it would be an important work, but I can’t seem to find an Entertainment Attorney to represent me. The dollar factor is another thing too. I just don’t have big bucks. If you have any counsel or thoughts on this, please send them to me, RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net. Meanwhile, thank you for your support and suggestions.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Jody! Good scene, dialogue and characters. However, it wasn’t clear; who is Chloe? The receptionist, Miss Jones? of the speaker-phone?, i.e., like Alexa, this is Chloe. Some clarification is necessary. Your descriptions are vivid. I could see it all. You weave the social issues into the dialogue in a natural way, doesn’t seem like a public speech. Good! It reminds me of a couple of places I have visited where the same kind of gloom and regimentation exists. And the help is exhausted. I like the reference to Oliver Twist and Annie.

I hope this helps/encourages.

All the Best,

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Thank you so much for your valuable feedback, Michelle. I am also an actor. I really understand and deeply appreciate all your feedback. i’ll read and give feedback for your submission also. May not get to it until early this coming week.

Again, many thanks.

All the Best always,

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Yes. May not get to it until tomorrow, but definitely, YES. Thank you.

[Robert Smith]

You’re being dramatic quite dramatically. Excellent Seance scene. A few typos here and there. But most importantly, good characters, believable actions, and dialogue. Are a lot of these tappings actually done by the kid living behind the wall? If you don’t want to reveal that, it’s okay. You have a gem there, Rob.

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Amy!

I am still working on the scene, making Jannings more abrasive and evasive with the M. P.’s.

Thanks for reading my scene, your encouragement and suggestions.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

In retirement I am supplying on Sundays at churches nearby where I live (Elkton MD – where the Rockefeler Plaza Xmas Tree this year originates). I do not wish to go back to active ministry. I was part of an Improvisational comedy group, wrote sketches but also wrote my first full length play “Angels in Gangland.” Because of Covid we had to do it as a Zoom Production. It was deemed by the committee of the Cecil County Independent Film Festival to be admitted as a feature film and it won “Best Full Length Feature Film by the Festival committee and audience. I am revising it as a screenplay adding length and more character development. But first I want to finish “Moths Around a Flame.” That project and the arduous way of securing permission to write it as it is inspired by John Baxter’s “Von Sternberg” has monopolized my time.

Just thought I’d tell you as you have told me so much about your fascinating journey.

Bob

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

Hello, Elizabeth

You had requested my character sketh of Emil Jannings. It follows. In advance, thank you for your attention to this and your thoughts.

EMIL JANNINGS: (45) rotund Oscar-winning actor who seems to have an ability to strut sitting down, both on camera as the Professor and off-camera. He portrays Professor Rath who is infatuated with the cabaret singer, Lola Lola (Dietrich).

Trait 1: Jealousy (of Dietrich as a rival to his star-status in “The Blue Angel”).

Trait 2: Imperiousness.

Trait 3: Fear (of his career viability in an industry in which his German accent has cost him work in ‘talkies’ and with the apparent near-future Nazi domination of Germany and the fact that he has a Jewish mother.)

Wants/needs: To maintain star-status in “The Blue Angel” which he believes Dietrich has undermined with the unwitting collaboration of the director, von Sternberg, who has devoted himself as mentor to her.

Paradox: ——-

Secret: He is attracted to Dietrich.

Flaws:

Flaw 1: He over reacts and over-acts.

Flaw 2: He is sullen. He throws tantrums at perceived slights.

Flaw 3: Although married, he has a roving eye and has harassed actresses on the sets of all his movies which caused problems in the productions.

Special: He is a great actor and has had an illustrious career in Germany and Hollywood.

Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.

WHAT WOULD JANNINGS DO/SAY?

What would Jannings do/say through his trait of jealousy?

He has complained from the beginning that Dietrich is upstaging him and undermining his stardom and has taken away from him the creative partnership that he previously enjoyed in many projectswith director von Sternberg because von Sternberg devotes himself full time to mentoring Dietrich to the exclusion of Jannings and others.

What would Jannings do/say through his trait of imperiousness.

He demands attention and to be listened to when it comes to his complaints. He does not get support from fellow actors in the cast, Kurt Gerron and Hans Albers. Which only further frustrates him.

What would Jannings do/say with his fears about his stardom in “The Blue Angel.”

He falls into his pattern of sullenness and tantrums.

What would Jannings do with his fear of the Nazis and the safety of himself, his family and his Jewish mother?

He only confides with Albers and Gerron as they are anti-Nazi. The love of Albers’ life is Jewish and Gerron is a Jew.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: To put in form of message

[Robert Smith]

Thank you, Elizabeth for your kind words, encouragement and suggestions. I’ll post to you my character sketch of Emil Jannings. Although, I have to go to a memorial service momentarily so I may not be able to squeeze that in until tomorrow. BTW, the Oscar incident is a fact. I am character driven too although I plot from the end I want to reach.

Best Always,

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Julia!

Thank you for your feedback and encouragement with your kind words and comprehension of where I am going with Moths Around a Flame. I am in a Casablance-conundrum, IOW, as the writers of Casablanca weren’t sure of the ending, I am not sure of my ending either, even though I know Jannings ends up with de-nazification and his acting career is ended. His ruination parallels the ruination of the professor he played in “The Blue Angel” because of his infatuation with the showgirl, Lola Lola (played by Dietrich). But it’s the getting there to the end. I have it right now that he is to be denazified because not only did he act in Nazi propaganda films, but he campaigned for the Nazi Party in the Reichstag election of 1938, which makes his claim of having been forced to act in Nazi propaganda films a lame explanation. He of course protests that he did it to ‘hide in the open’ but fellow actor and cast-member in The Blue Angel, Hans Albers managed to avoid propaganda films and refused Nazi honors (which Jannings accepted from Goebbels. Jannings was “Artist of the State”). Albers survived the Third Reich and reunited with his Jewish girlfriend.

It looks like you and I may well have been crossing paths in all kinds of ways from the Palisades to Egypt. Did you teach at the American University in Cairo? (I’m an alumnus).

Congratulations in your mega-opus of the novel and screenplay. I appreciate how you say it is a task to submit one scene out of your epic in which details I mentioned are explained elsewhere. I’d like to see your finished project on the page and screen. Even though I missed a few things about the characters and their relationships, you have very rich material to work with, you base your characters on real persons you have encountered, esp. Al-Harbi. Interesting that HARB means war. Was that name intentional for your character? Whether it was or was not, for me, the word says everything about him in one word.

Your suggestions and Rob’s whom you refer to above, have moved me to portray Jannings as more evasive at first. It’s in character. he was moody, easily provoked, and something of a persecution complex. His jealousy of Dietrich for upstaging him as the star grew out of that character flaw. He had a reputation for sullen and surly behavior toward other actors and directors in previous productions also. Dietrich considered him an over-acting bore and a “ham.” Von Sternberg respected him as an actor but ‘tolerant’ at best of Jannings’ antics and tantrums. He once walked off the set and had to be appeased.

Well, again, that you for your feedback and personal contact. I have enjoyed ‘speaking’ with you. Good Luck in your stunning project.

Keep in touch.

Bob

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Elizabeth!

You have whetted my appetite for more of Ed and his relationship with all these characters and the characters with each other.

I can see Ed’s defensive avoidance. It makes me ask, how will he end up? But that’s the question i’m sure you want to raise.

I look forward to seeing more.

I hope you find these remarks helpful.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Many Thanks.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Jula!

Technical point: If the rock scene is supposed to be at the Jersey Shore, there are no palisades at the Jersey Shore which is on the Atlantic coast of NJ. Palisades are on the New Jersey side of the Hudson River. I grew up in Englewood, NJ only a few miles from there and visited both the top of the cliffs and the bank below it, where they would be rock-hunting.

You have created intriguing characters. If this is your opening scene, I didn’t get a feel for where it’s going and the relations between these particular characters. Also, suicide even for Jihad or any circumstances would not be acceptable to mainstream Muslim clerics – are you building up Ibrahim Al-Harbi as the head of a Jihadi group in which suicide for Jihad is acceptable?

Would you consider more development of the characters and their relationships? More dialogue between them to express those relationships, plus, who among them is the protagonist?

I am intrigued with where the relationship may go (or has been) between the Muslim and the Ashkenazy Jewish girl Kisele Feldman with whom there is a religious dispute.

From where in the Arab or Muslim World does the Al-Harbi family originate? Is it a country that once had a large Jewish population, e.g., Morocco, Tunisia, Egypt, Israel/Palestine, or Iraq? (I once lived in Egypt.)

There might be some rich material there.

You have an intriguing mix of characters.

I hope this is helpful.

Feel free to contact me at RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net, if you like.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Thank you, John, for your kind words and analysis of the scene and of Jannings. You picked up on all the points I was trying to express. So, you have been very encouraging.

Many thanks.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Definitely. I’ll have to get back to you later today.

Many Thanks.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Amy!

Your suggestions are helpful. Thank you.

About ‘washed up’: I’ve thought about that and what occurs to me is post-war Berlin is a bomb-crater so everybody is ‘washed up’. Jannings is trying to make a new start but can’t do it until he explains to Kershaw how he came to be used by the Nazis in propaganda films. If Kershaw is not satisfied with his reply, Jannings will have to be denazified which means he is banned from public appearances, effectively ending his acting career.

I’ll percolate on this and see what I come up with.

Many Thanks, Amy.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hi Amy!

T

Very good characters and set-up for future scenes. One technical point: The finger dragged across the throat means ‘cut’ stop the talk immediately. Wrap it up is done by tumbling the hands or index fingers of both hands over one another in a circular motion as if wrapping something.

I’d love to play SETH or ANDREA’S husband. Good sell of both characters even though the husband is not present.

I’d like to request of you to give feedback to my submission which is “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of ‘The Blue Angel'”

Many Thanks.

Bob

Robert R. Smith

[Robert Smith]

Very helpful, Rob, as always. Appreciate your suggestions. Jannings was a kind of pain with his demands and tantrums. Good idea to throw one here.

Thank you.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Excellent setup for your juggernaut story of comic transformation. Idea: Consider casting Jack as the v. o. narrator of his story. (LIke Henry Hill was for “Goodfellas” It would give a view into what’s coming up ahead. If you wanted to go whole hog ahead Scorcesian, or Tarantinian and start somewhere in the middle or not quite the end and play it from there. Just a thought.

Good Luck, John

Bob

Hello, again, John:

If you would, please review and critique my scene also. I appreciate that and value your feedback.

Many Thanks.

Bob

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Rob!

It reads beautifully. I’ve been following your work and this meets all the standards we’ve been studying and the characters you drew up in your outline. You really created a great scene of Danny creeping out Annie. I could see it all on the screen of my mind.

Bob

Hi, again, Rob!

Would you do a critique of my submission? You;ve given feedback before and I value your opinion.

Many thanks.

Bob

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Robert Smith.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Robert Smith.

[Robert Smith]

Thank you so very much, John. Your kind words and feedback are very helpful and encouraging that I got it on target.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Good clear logline.

Clearly defined strong characters.

Nice tension established from the beginning of this comic triangle and the setup of the story.

You mighjt consider adding material on the motivation of the crime boss to get the package out to LA to prevent destruction. is this extortion? Is he protecting the restaurant from destruction by him? or another crime boss. Wasn’t clear to me, sorry.

All the cross country adventures are entertaining and revealing of Jack’s character transformation. (I loved the implicit irony and truthfulness of vowing to God and then wanting to renege. Great that Jack always lands on his feet.

About the FBI guys working as cleaners: You may want to consider ending the story with Puck and Sal’s ‘spittin’ image’ kids wanting to go for a ride and Jack deadpanning the camera, b/c that seems logical and also former FBI working as cleaners is a stretch. Many FBI agents have law degrees and would not become cleaners, it seems to me, but the irony and comic effect I can see is unavoidable. And for that sake I could suspend disbelief.

Reading your material was fun. I like it. I hope my notes are helpful. If they’re not, of course, go with your inner muse. You have an excellent story. I’ll go see it.

[Robert Smith]

Hi, John!

I’d love to exchange with you but I can’t get to it until tomorrow. My outline is at the top of page 3. A gave yours a cursory glance and it caught my attention as a “Buddy Aventure movie.” Certainly has interesting characters, locations, setups and payoffs.

Talk to you soon.

Bob

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net.

[Robert Smith]

Hello, Janeen!

I like what you wrote. Good creative move: Silva Mind Control. Did you speak with them in developing the concept and story?

Some questions: How does Morgan help Amber “from a distance”? Did you consult a lawyer re: the Guild as accessories to Murder? It seems a weak case against them. But the story logic works beautfully. I like your narrative style in the Outline which is an example of what you were saying to me about eliminating dialogue and just unfold the story. You practice what you preach, Janeen, and it works.

There is excellent set-up and pay-off throughout also.

Nice job!

Loved the intro of Silva into the storyline.

Bob

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net.

[Robert Smith]

Thank you Janeen for your thoughts and suggestions about “Moths Around a Flame.” Much of my time lately has been spent on permission and rights I have with the copyright holder. I have permission to write the screenplay for personal use and when a sale is finally made that’ss the real wheeling and dealing and dollars are addressed. I still have to talk with an Entertainment or IP Attorney (Do you know any?). I don’t want any surprises later on and want to make sure that what I understand is right.

Your suggestions are very useful and I plan to make changes based upon them. Thank you so very much.

BTW, the “friends” are Hans Albers and Kurt Gerron, fellow cast members in “The Blue Angel.”

Glad you like the dialogue even though you’re right, I probably should only summarize in the outline.

Best Always,

Bob

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

[Robert Smith]

It’s a good story. Your mentioning the supporting characters is a welcomed addition. I’ll do the same with my outline. You have tightened your outline and story so it sustains attention. I can’t think of anything right now that I could suggest to improve. You have a very good story. At times Danny reminds me of Norman Bates in “Psycho” I mean that as a compliment. It is not a cliche. Alright, idea: What makes Danny so insane, does it need a little more character development about what does make Danny tick?

[Robert Smith]

Thank you so very much, Erin. I”ll work on the matters you raise around the dilemma and point 6 in the outline.

Yes, the Nazis came to power in 1933, the 1930 incident was just an incidence of Nazi Stormtroopers demonstrating and doing violence, as they did even before they had the political power. By that time, it looked like their membership and popularity was increasing enough to predict that the days were soon to come when they realize full power. That sharpens the dilemma with Jannings figuring, this is the prevailing win, I”ll go with it. But in 1938 he campaigned for Hitler in the elections. That’s not in the story but will be referenced in dialogue at the end of the film. Jannings was yet another example of a German civilian who claims he didn’t know what was going on, but had to have known, certainly by ’38 after the Nuremburg laws, etc.

My next iteration will make these point. Thank you for your voicing these matters and the overall support you give to this project of “Moths Around a Flame” BTW, that is a line from Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in Love again” at the beginning and end of “The Blue Angel.”

[Robert Smith]

You present an enticing plot and strong characters. It’s a travel-log of troubles but also maturing of the kids and their uncle. It’s action packed. I thought of mentioning the time limit for package delivery, but I guess that will be taken care of in the screenplay and on the screeen – where I’d love to see this very adventurous, exciting, and touching story.

Thank you, John.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hello, Erin!

I last I caught up with you. I like your story, but as others have said below, clarification would be helpful.

I like the plot that Richard and Dick are the same person and brothers with opposite attributes and born a few years apart. How did that happen? Some scientist create some way that the opposite attributes are separated into two persons?

Also, your plot set-up is brilliant and timely, space tourism and competition by a Russian interloper with a nuke. IN the resolution you mention the good guys win and the bad guys loose. I’d like to suggest that you flesh out how that happens and the world is saved from the ‘nuke.’

I hope this is helpful. You have a great concept.

I’d like to hear your feedback about my “Moths Around a Flame.” It’s the first outline at the top of page two.

Thank you.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hey, John!

It looks like you posted this response for Rob Bertrand in my thread. Just thought I should let you know for whatever it’s worth. Thanks again for your own feedback for my outline.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hi, John!

Wow! Your comments are very helpful and supportive. Thank you. My first version of the outline is more in accord with the model we have been taught but your notes on version two are very useful in forming, in my own minds, the content at the filling point of the screenplay. Thank you so much.

lBob

[Robert Smith]

Hi John

Please proceed. I’ll read yours also. Sorry it took so long to reply I was having problems gettin onn the page over the weekend.

Best Always,

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hey, Rob!

Thank you for mentioning the reason Jannings thinks he has no future in Hollywood. In the ARC OF LEAD CHARACTERS I mention that “Janings remains in Germany, believing he ahs no future in Hollywood, because his German accent doesn’t work in HOllywood “talkies.” I’ll mention this again somewherere to make it clear that his screentests were rejected by the studios for that reason.

By the way, I haven’t been able to get back to you because all weekend long I was having difficulties getting into the site because my password was rejected. It’s finally resolved.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Thank you so much Rob. Sorry I didn’t get the revised logline to you but I was having trouble getting in all weekend.

Here is the revised logline. I welcome your comments. Thanks again for your positve and endouraging feedback.

NEW LOGLINE: The making of the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” (1930) has a far-reaching impact on the principal actors, Emil Jannings and (then unknown) Marlene Dietrich and the director, Josef von Sternberg, that parallels the story of the film in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showrir leads to his ruin.

I welcome any further feedback.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hey, Rob!

Thank you so much for your feedback. I’ll work on the Logline and take away my brackets, for which I have a penchant. I guess I need to say that the story is, for the purpose of dramatization, a fictionalization of what went on between Dietrich, von Sternberg, and Jannings. The gay cabaret and the Nazis is fiction but that kind of thing went on and I wanted the audience to be immersed in the Weimer Berlin context of the story and Dietrich’s bisexuality. Yes, it’s hard to tell who is the antagonist and protagonist for whom. It’s all in the tensions of the dramatic triangle. I’ll go over that and see where I can state this better. I am glad you like the story. The strangulation scene, really happened and it is in the final cut of “The Blue Angel” it’s the realistic looking strangulation scene when the professor (portrayed by Jannings finds Lola Lola cuckolding him with another man. Dietrich was black and blue afterward.

I value all your feedback and suggestions, Rob. I’ll come up with a new logline and some other things you point out and let you know when I have it for your feedback.

Many thanks.

Best Always,

Bob

Robert R. Smith

[Robert Smith]

I like what you did. Good Luck, Rob.

[Robert Smith]

Rob: I like your outline. Compelling characters and story. I like the secret crawl space to explain how Danny can live inside the walls for months. The woman in white who attacks Jocelyn, would you consider clarifyiing her identity. I wasn’t sure if she was the real ghost of Annie’s mother, Danny or even Jessica playing the ghost of Annie’s mother, or an independent paranormal entity that is causing activity. Like a surprise: Not all the paranormal activity was Danny in the walls but a genuine ‘real thing’ ghost.

THOUGHT: Could little Jessica the horror-movies enthusiast be responsible for some of the strange goings on? Could she be writing messages in ketchup? Being the ‘woman in white’? Just a thought.

I hope that this is helpful. As I said you have a compelling story and characters. There are just these few pieces that need tightening.

Would you give feedback to my concept. Posted above yours. “‘Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of the Blue Angel.” The first one, at the top, dated 10/1/21 is my current outline.

Many thanks.

Bob

RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net

[Robert Smith]

Yeah, go for the comedy angle and may you be inspired by the Bhagavad Gita.

All the Best

Bob

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Erin!

I enjoyed your submission also. It’s got action and psychological depth. We are all walking around with different forms of ourselves. People even speak that way, “So today are you stable self, funny-self, or depressed-self?

It has action and I see a story of great meaning on living the purposeful life. Hey, it reminds me of the Bhagavat Gita. Arjuna doesn’t want fight but Krishna shows him that it is his calling and his true self. (Of course, the Gita has Arjuna called to fight a war, Tom is called to prevent one.

Good Luck with writing Erin. You have really rich material here.

Bob

[Robert Smith]

For Erin Danly

So glad that you liked my Character Structure submission. I appreciate the encouragement and support.

Bob