[Robert W. Daniel]

[Pro-Rewrite] Lesson 18 Assignment Robert Daniel – Precise Description

What I learned doing this lesson is that it improves the readability of script.

[Robert W. Daniel]

[Pro-Rewrite] Lesson 17 Assignment Robert Daniel’s – Key Scene Improvements

What I learned doing this assignment is that there is always room for improvement.

I will work on the final rewrite at the end of the lessons. Thanks

[Robert W. Daniel]

[Pro Rewrite] Assignment Lesson 15 – Robert Daniel’s Scene Ratings

What I learned doing this assignment is that using the evaluation passes for the Antagonist and the Protagonist will greatly improve my script. All of which I will use my Master Diagnostic Pass Sheets on at the end of the lessons in one rewrite session. Thanks

[Robert W. Daniel]

Subject Line: [Pro Rewrite] Lesson 14 Assignment – Robert Daniel’s Meaningful Action

What I learned doing this assignment is that these last lessons for me are very confusing and I will wait till the end of the lessons to all of my Master Sheets and Diagnostic passes all at once during a 3–4-day session.

I have numerous scenes to rewrite, Thankz.

[Robert W. Daniel]

[Pro Rewrite] Lesson 13 Assignment – Robert Daniel’s Elevating Scene Structure

What I learned from doing this assignment is that the scene automatically is enhanced and is an immediate improvement.

INT. WALTERS HOME – NIGHT

Meanwhile, at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii at the apartment of U.S. Navy Seal Team Captain MATT WALTERS (30), and his girlfriend SARA MILLS (26), have had a knockdown, drag-out argument about Matt’s procrastination over not seeking help with his nightmares and anger issues. And his unconcern about their future, mainly getting married and starting a family.

INT. WALTERS LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Walter’s stands banging his head against the wall, then looks out a large picture window. He sipping a beer.

Sara enters the room dressed in an oversized T-shirt and boxer shorts. She’s sassy and overly concerned. Walter’s glances towards Sara.

SARA

What’s going on?

WALTERS

I believe, I’m going crazy.

Sara unexpectedly lashes out.

SARA

We’ve been through this so many times. I can’t stand by and watch you self-destruct. You need medical help! You can’t get it from a beer bottle.

WALTERS

I keep having these nightmares. Explosions and… It’s hard to come to grips with this damn thing.

SARA

Do you love me? We have quit talking about us.

WALTERS

You know I love you. I have a great deal of pressure at work.

SARA

This dream is nothing new. It’s tearing us apart. Your previous war and the battle with the bottle are going to kill you. Matt, I’ve had it.

Walters starts pacing.

WALTERS

What does that mean?

SARA (SOBBING)

Matt, I’m leaving, tomorrow. I’m going to see my mother. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone or when I’ll be back.

WALTERS

Hell. Everything around me is going ballistic. Is this how you want to settle things?

Walters stands at the large window silently.

SARA

No, I don’t. But I need some form of commitment from you. I want to get married and have a family. But you need to get your mind straight before we can talk.

WALTERS

Married. A kid? I don’t know. Maybe… If we put some distance between us it might help.

SARA

Distance? It always ends like this. No commitment. No nothing.

Walters takes a long gulp of beer. There’s silence. Sara marches off toward the bedroom. CRYING.

She stops and fires back at Matt.

SARA

Damn it, Matt your life’s a disaster. You need to defeat your worst enemy – yourself. Please, get some help! Please!

WALTERS

You’re right, I am a disaster. Sick, crazy or something.

Sara turns off the light and stomps off toward the bedroom.

Walters places a cold beer to his head. He’s disconnected. He moves to the couch and sits in the dark, rests his head in the hands. Then he lays back and falls asleep.

[Robert W. Daniel]

[Pro Rewrite] Lesson 12 – Robert Daniel – Rate Your Script

What I learned doing this assignment is that this lesson enables you to grasp the value of each scene and gives you a head start on re-writing each scene for the next lesson.

Rate it on an Entertainment Scale of E1 (dull) to E10 (extremely entertaining) and continue to rate each beat until you reach the opening scene.

I have 18 scenes that need improving.

Here’s the front to back version:

Scene 1. E 9 Opening Scene

Scene 2. E 4 “5 years earlier”

Scene 3. E 3

Scene 4. E 4 Inciting Incident

Scene 14 E6

Scene 16 E5

Scene 22 E4

Scene 28 E4

Scene 33 E3

Scene 41 E2

Scene 45 E4

Scene 51. E 6 Midpoint

Scene 52. E 4

Scene 60 E 7 Act 3 Turning Point

Scene 64. E 9 Climax

Scene 65. E 7 Additional twist

Scene 66. E 4 Resolution

Scene 67. E 3 Final Scene.

[Robert W. Daniel]

[Pro Rewrite] Lesson 11 Assignment- Robert Daniel’s Outline to Script

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I can save myself hours and days of time spent only rewriting the changes from the outline.

[Robert W. Daniel]

Hi CJ,

Whenever your ready just send it over and I’ll return.

rsdan4043@yahoo.com

Thankz

Robert

[Robert W. Daniel]

Hi CJ

I have a Action Outline and would be thrilled to exchange.

Email me: rsdan4043@ yahoo.com

Thanks,

Robert

[Robert W. Daniel]

Hi Lori,

Great! I’ll send it to you in the next hour or so.

Thanks,

Robert

[Robert W. Daniel]

Robert’s Outline Exchange #1

TITLE: SAVING PARADISE

WRITTEN BY: Robert W. Daniel

EMAIL; rsdan4043@yahoo.com

GENRE: ACTION

CONCEPT A troubled Navy Seal Commander and his Red Scorpion Team have to stop or destroy a lunatic commander of a North Korean Nuclear Missile Submarine who issues a 72-hour ultimatum that threatens to finish what the Japanese failed to complete at Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. Only this time with nukes that could kill millions of Americans.

[Robert W. Daniel]

[Pro Rewrite] Lesson 9 – Assignment – Robert Daniel – Fascinating Scene Outlines!

What I learned from doing this assignment is how the use of interest techniques in each scene increase the ways to write a complex and unique scene every time.

Scaled up each scene of the outline with big picture, character, twist and anticipation interest techniques.

[Robert W. Daniel]

[Pro Rewrite] Lesson 8 – Assignment – Robert Daniel – Elevated Lead Characters

What I learned from doing this assignment is that in order to attract a leading actor for your character you will have to write a script that grabs with promises of fame and glory. Maybe, not that deep but it has to empower them to want this one. This is an important lesson.

1. Added stronger character situation to improve lead character dynamics.

2. Added several new character intros.

3. Added several conflicts where there was weakness.

4. Reviewing all scenes for Lead Character presence.

[Robert W. Daniel]

[Pro Rewrite] Lesson 7 – Assignment – Robert Daniel – Solve Major Problems

What I learned from doing this assignment is that this lesson provides an excellent tool for brainstorming the out line for improvements from the beginning to end of the script.

1. Made improvements on the protagonist transformational journey.

2. Added more conflict in numerous scenes of the outline.

3. Improved the first scene of the outline.

4. Brainstorming a stronger ending.

[Robert W. Daniel]

[Pro Rewrite] Lesson 6 – Assignment – Robert Daniel – Outline Improvements

What I learned doing this assignment is that this lesson will force you to think outside the box.

1. Pull out your outline from the start of the program. Made additions to my previous outline in RED.

2. Go to the previous lessons where you completed each of these steps:

· A. Deliver on the pitch. *Check

· B. Match your 4-Act structure. *Check

· C. Strong on Genre Conventions. * Check

· D. The Characters Take Action from their Profiles. * Check

· E. Build in each Character’s Story Line. * Check

3. Compare the outline to each completed assignment and make any improvements to the outline to honor your new vision.

Expanded several more Character’s Story Lines.

4. Tell us the improvements this made to your outline, but don’t include the outline, yet.

IMPROVEMENTS:

1. Added – More depth on Walters medical issues and drinking problem.

2. Added – Walters and McMann are involved in a brawl while drinking.

3. Added – A Seal Team members spilled the beans regarding Walters’s anger issues.

4. Added – Walters is told he suffers from PTSD and needs some medication and help. He’ll also need some counseling and cut down on his drinking.

5. Added – Commander Kang’s wife and two sons are murdered by the NK Secret Police for his atrocities against the State

6. Added – During Walters meeting on the deck of the Submarine he notices a sniper laser red dot moving from the NK Commander to himself. (Is Walters a target?) (Major Conflict.)

7. Added – While on board the sub for the negotiation round, Commander Kang kidnaps Agent Blake and holds her to enforce his demands (Major Conflict.)

8. Added – Scene changes on how to free Agent Blake. (Agent Blake may have to be sacrificed.)

9. Added – Scenes on board Submarine during the search for Agent Blake and the dismantling of the submarine.

10. Added – Walters frees Agent Blake.

[Robert W. Daniel]

Pro Rewrite – Lesson 5 Assignment – Robert D. – Character Story Lines

What I learned doing this assignment is this will save writing time, so I’ll place some of this in the script.

Character
Story Line: The sequence of events that make up a specific character’s
story that can be expressed through a beginning/middle/ending or a 3-Act
Structure.

CREATING CHARACTER STORY LINES

1. Start with a selection process. If you have eight characters and you want to get known actors to play certain roles, I’d bring it down to the top four or five.

Protagonist
– Walters
Antagonist
– Commander Kang
Supporting
character to the Protagonist – “Ace”
Supporting
character to the Antagonist – OOD Park

2. Start with one of those characters and map out their current story line as a 3-Act Structure. Focus on what already exists in the story you have.

Beginning:
Inciting Incident:
Turning Point:
Midpoint:
Turning Point 2:
Dilemma:
Major Conflict:
Ending:

Walters

Beginning: Walters has recurring dreams about being wounded in a roadside bomb explosion in Afghanistan. This compounds with the drinking problem and relations with his girlfriend.

Inciting Incident: Walters girlfriend has had enough and leaves for some time at her mother’s home..

Turning Point 1: Walters and his Seal Team are selected to capture or destroy the NK Submarine in Pearl Harbor.

Midpoint: Walters gains access to the sub and receive the NK Commanders demands. Then Walters begins setting explosives on the submarine.

Turning Point 2: Washington has a change of plans and wants to extend negotiations with the NK Commander.

Dilemma: Walters is hotter than a fire cracker about taking a female negotiator onboard the NK sub it will change everything. Negotiate with a terrorist?

Major Conflict: The negotiating onboard the sub causes the NK Commander to flip out and fire several missiles destroying numerous structures nearby.

Ending: Walters and the Red Scorpion team are doomed to fail. Plan “B” saves the day.

Commander Kang

Beginning: Kang confiscates his own NK sub and heads out for conquest.

Inciting Incident: Back in North Korea Kangs family is murdered.

Turning Point 1: Kang pilots the NK Sub into Pearl Harbor.

Midpoint: Kang meets up with Walters and the Red Scorpion Seal Team.

Turning Point 2: Kang is blistering hot about the failure of the Americans not meeting his demands.

Dilemma: Does he give the Americans a kick in the ass to get them in gear or patiently stand-by?

Major Conflict: Kang finally realizes he has bitten off more than he can chew by now allowing for more time to gain his demands.

[Robert W. Daniel]

[Pro Rewrite] Lesson 4 – Assignment – Robert Daniel – Who Are Your Characters?

What I learned doing his assignment is that there is a need to do some heavy and deep thinking with regards to each character’s profile.

Character Profiles – Matt Walters –
Protagonist

A. Name – Matt Walters
B. Role in the Story: U.
S Navy Seal Team Commander
C. Core Traits: Genius,
hot-headed, fearless and full of anger.
D. Motivation:
Want/Need: Walters wants to get back with his girlfriend who leaves him.
He needs to get some help for his medical problems.
E. Flaw/Wound: Walters
has anger issues and some medical problems that are haunting him. He’s
also blind in one-eye.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda:
He thinks a beer will heal his medical issues.
G. Internal Dilemma:
Walters has some doubts about the ability of his Red Scorpion Team to
capture the Nuclear Submarine.
H. What makes this
character perfect for their role in this story? Even though Walters is
half blind he’s fearless and his experiences with explosives makes him the
perfect choice for the mission.

Character Profiles Improvements.

A: Are there any parts
of the profile that you could improve? Always! We will add the pieces
gradually as we go along.
B: Can this character
fulfill their role in the story more effectively? Always! Ditto.

Character Profiles – Ace McMann – Navy Seal Team Assistant

A. Name: Ace McMann
B. Role in the Story:
Walters’s sidekick and assistant
C. Core Traits: Loyal,
sincere, fearless and dedicated.
D. Motivation:
Want/Need: Wants to get through the training program. Needs to stick like
glue to Walters so they both live through the submarine assault.
E. Flaw/Wound: He
covered for Walters to often. His love for his family suffered at times
because of his dedication to Walters.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda:
He cared for Walters like a brother because, he had been through some of
the same problems Walters. Like orphaned, raised by relatives, loosed his
girlfriend.
G. Internal Dilemma: He
had a great family, but he placed his duty first. It bothered him.
H. What makes this
character perfect for their role in this story? McMann is like another set
of eyes and Walters’s shadow.

Character Profiles Improvements.

A: Are there any parts
of the profile that you could improve? Always! Ditto.
B: Can this character
fulfill their role in the story more effectively? Always! Ditto.

Character Profiles – NK Submarine Commander Li Jong Kang – Antagonist

A. Name: Commander Kang
B. Role in the Story:
Commander of the North Korean Nuclear Submarine that breeches the security
of Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. (Present Day)
C. Core Traits: Evil, narcissist,
vicious and greedy
D. Motivation:
Want/Need: He wants to gain an agreement to his terrorist demands to gain
bribe money for his accomplices, U. S. Aid for North Korea and a
governmental leader appointment for himself. He needs to get the agreement
and fly home to his Country a hero.
E. Flaw/Wound: His greed
and thoughtless concern for others causes the death of his wife, two sons
and the men on his sub. His dream of power has placed himself into the
same situations as the existing leaders of his own ravaged country.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda:
Desire to be Premier of North Korea

G. Internal Dilemma:
After years of planning his scheme to take over control of North Korea,
Kang runs head-on into another complicated individual with the opposite
desires that stops him. Walters advises Kang that he is no better that the
existing Leader based on his intentions.
H. What makes this
character perfect for their role in this story? Just his core traits alone
would satisfy the requirements.

Character Profiles Improvements.

A: Are there any parts
of the profile that you could improve? Always!
B: Can this character fulfill
their role in the story more effectively? Always!

Character Profiles – Admiral Charles Williams

A. Name: Admiral Charles Williams

B. Role in the Story: Admiral
Charles Williams is command of the Naval Pac-Fleet in Hawaii.
C. Core Traits: Stern,
intelligent, honorable and fair.
D. Motivation:
Want/Need: Wants to get the job done without a hassle. Needs to get this
damn Nuclear Missile Submarine out and away from Pearl Harbor without
detonating the nuclear missiles and harming any Americans.
E. Flaw/Wound: Williams
has some doubts about ordering the Seal Team to capture a submarine in the
first place. Now he has no other choice.
He thinks he may be to blame for repositioning the gate-keeper
causing all the hassle in the first place.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda:
Williams keeps secret the fact that Walters is being medicated for PTSD.
It’s discovered when one of the Generals sees Walters taking his
medication at a water fountain at SWCC.
G. Internal Dilemma:
Admiral Williams is tossing and turning as the 72- hour time clock is
getting close to running out and the NK Commander is still in charge of
the nuclear missiles.
H. What makes this
character perfect for their role in this story? Admiral Williams is
experienced, firm and fair with his decisions. He’s capable of listening
to a problem then making a decision for a solution to the problem the
sticking with his decision. Without being wishy-washy.

Character Profiles Improvements.

A: Are there any parts
of the profile that you could improve? Absolutely.
B: Can this character
fulfill their role in the story more effectively? Maybe.

Character Profiles – Sara Mills – Walters Girlfriend

A. Name: Sara
Mills
B. Role in the Story:
Walters’s girlfriend.
C. Core Traits: Smart,
attractive, concerned and sassy
D. Motivation:
Want/Need: Sara wants Walters to get some medical help and get serious
about making a commitment to get married and start a family. Sara needs to
convince Walters to go to the medical center for some help for his bad
dreams and anger problems.
E. Flaw/Wound: Sara has
decided she will waste no more time on Walters and leaves him to visit her
mother in California. Walters leaves her a message and she’s unaware of
all the chaos in Hawaii. She drops everything and heads back to Hawaii.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda:
Sara leaves Walters to get him to get some help.
G. Internal Dilemma:
Sara loves Walters but she hates everything that is going on in his life.
H. What makes this
character perfect for their role in this story? She loving, concerned and
sassy and Walters a good dose of all of those

Character Profiles Improvements.

A: Are there any parts
of the profile that you could improve? Yes
B: Can this character
fulfill their role in the story more effectively? Yes

Character Profiles – Josh Turner – Orphan Kid

· Name: Josh Turner

· B. Role in the Story: A 6-year-old local orphan kid who’s his own boss, so he says. Walters met the kid hitch-hiking while heading to the airport to see Sara Mills off. Josh was heading to his favorite fishing hole and Walters misses Sara’s flight.

· C. Core Traits: Smart, lovable, caring and adventurous.

· D. Motivation: Want/Need: Josh is a happy go lucky kid that just likes to fish. He needs a father.

· E. Flaw/Wound: Josh doesn’t know that he needs a family until he meets Walters. He just knows he’s his own boss.

· F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Josh really has no agenda, until after the battle in Pearl Harbor is over and Sara Mills gets back in town.

· G. Internal Dilemma: A lovable kid who loves fishing is caught in the middle of battle at the Naval Dry Docks and is saved by Walters who calls a break in the war.

· H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? He’s just a lovable 6-year-old kid that grabs your heart.

[Robert W. Daniel]

[Pro-Rewrite] Lesson 3 – Assignment – Robert W. Daniel – Genre Conventions

“What I learned doing this assignment is think about the genre conventions early will save tone of writing time.

TITLE: SAVING PARADISE

CONCEPT A troubled Navy Seal Commander and his Red Scorpion Team have to stop or destroy a lunatic commander of a North Korean Nuclear Missile Submarine who issues a 72-hour ultimatum that threatens to finish what the Japanese failed to complete at Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. Only this time with nukes that could kill millions of Americans.

GENRE: ACTION

ACTION

1. CONVENTIONS OF ACTION PURPOSE: To excite your audience with an adrenaline-stirring, fast-paced, big-event story.

2. DEMAND FOR ACTION: There is a problem or goal that the only solution is a high level of action (Intense fighting, running, escaping, and/or competing). Plot, character, and situations are all designed to demand Action!

3. MISSION: There is a stated or implied mission. The Hero must take down the antagonistic force, defend against overwhelming odds, or escape the inescapable.

4. ESCALATING ACTION: Overcoming the problem requires greater and greater heights of action (and involving higher stakes) as the story progresses.

5. HERO: Commander Matt Walters, U.S. Navy Seal a highly capable and skilled Team Leader and Explosive Expert with No Fear.

6. ANTAGONISTS: Rogue Commander Li Jong Kang North Korean Nuclear Submarine commander with labels of evil / corrupt / malicious, which will necessitate decisive and expedient force to deal with them.

SAVING PARADISE

Title: SAVING PARADISE

Genre: Action

Concept: A troubled Navy Seal Commander and his Red Scorpion team receive orders to take down a rogue North Korean Submarine Commander with Nuclear missiles aimed for the U.S. mainland. “Die Hard in a Submarine.”

Main Conflict: Matt Walters and his Red Scorpion Seal team have only 72 hours to capture or destroy a North Korean Nuclear Submarine with missiles, which has breached Pearl Harbor security. The team must accomplish this feat by any means necessary as long as the nuclear missiles are intact. They must save America and Pearl Harbor from being destroyed and millions of Americans killed.

ACT 1

Opening: Pearl Harbor, Hawaii at their apartment U.S. Navy Seal Team Commander MATT WALTERS (30) and his girlfriend SARA MILLS (26) have had a knockdown, drag-out argument about Matt’s procrastination over not seeking help with his nightmares and anger issues. And his unconcern about their future, mainly getting married and starting a family. Walters slept on the couch. Sara is up early and leaves, headed to California to visit her mother.

Inciting Incident: A North Korean Commander LI JONG KANG (40), an evil bastard, is onboard a nuclear missile submarine. It eases out of Sinpo Harbor heading for the Sea of Japan, and the mission is unknown. Later in the early morning, the North Korean Nuclear Submarine is discovered by a Navy harbor patrol in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. The harbor is abuzz with “Who is the hell is responsible for this Fukien Mess??” The submarine is immediately barricaded by a Destroyer to prevent it from escaping the harbor.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: ALERT – A call to Matt Walters advising him he and his Red Scorpions are the chosen ones a “Suicide Squad,” and he has to report for duty ASAP – NOW. The Hawaii Civil Defense Department has notified so the preparations for evacuating the public out of Honolulu.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Walters and Team-mate McMann take the lead, with the other Seals are around the submarine at strategic vantage points. All of the Seals have radio contact, and Walters checks one last time for any news on contacting the North Korean Commander. Walters gets a lucky break.

ACT 2

New plan – Walters, McMann, and the negotiator FBI AGENT AMANDA BLAKE (30) get permission to board the NK submarine again.

Plan in action – When the NK Commander finds out that none of the demands have been accomplished, and the time wasted, he threatens to kill the three and launch the nuclear missiles.

Mid-Point: Then, the North Korean submarine commander begins to make his demands known. Kwan lets Walters understand who’s in charge. By telling the Seals that he has been in contact with a South Korean GENERAL NANG who, in turn, has been in contact with an American GENERAL MOORE. And to keep his Nuclear Missiles from being fired that LEADER DING KIM MO would be ousted. Also, the U.S. would have it provide aid and lift all the embargos. Oh, yes, and you have to get this done in 48 hours, and the clock is ticking. Walters asked the Commander, “What if these demands are shot down?” The Commander’s responds, “I will start a battle like you have not seen on this earth.” SWCC -PAC FLEET has heard every word over Walter’s intercom system. Walters moves up the ladder and stops. McMann covering. Walters places the C-4 explosives and an electronic detonator behind the access door hinges.

ACT 3

Rethink everything – Walters has orders to take the submarine, do whatever it takes. The Red Scorpions move on the sub, blowing the hatches and entering the sub with excitement only to feel the jaws of defeat slam on them. Several of the Seals are wounded, and the plan turns to crap; Walters realizes he should have expected the unexpected. The Seals retreat.

New plan – Walters and McMann move on the NK submarine, they blast their way through the rubble used to cover the access hatches. Walters his C-4 to clear the area as he and Ace head into the Control Room. Gunfire, explosions, and smoke fill the sub. Walters places C-4 on the walls of the sub at critical locations and kills NK sailors along the way. Some of the sailors see the Seal with the Suicide Vest and bail from the submarine. Walters explodes several C-4 charges to place vent holes in the structure. Smoke billows out into the night air. There are fires everywhere.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major Shift: The N.K. Commander is blistering hot about the inaction of the U.S and decides to light a fire under their asses to get some action. The Commander fires several Cruise type missiles around the harbor. He fires a direct hit missile and destroys the Pearl Harbor National Memorial turning it into a small pile of rubble. This whacko has turned Pearl Harbor into a shit-hole.

Crisis: Walters and the Red Scorpions find out that they will have to cut off the trigger finger or the whole damn arm of the N.K. Commander to stop the NUKES. Walters realizes he should have expected the unexpected. The Seals retreat.

ACT 4

Climax: Walters smells victory and devised a new plan that will need the SWCC command approval, and he will rejoin the battle alone. Now he will become a human bomb and wearing a plastic explosives vest when he sees the N.K. commander next. His superiors think only a lunatic would do something like that. They all want to bomb the damn submarine or blast it out of the water with missiles. Walters convinces the Command that he can get the job done. McMann won’t let him go alone. Get THAAD in a backup position just in case. Suddenly two missile launch doors on the deck begin opening, then smoke and fire blast from vents nearby. And the loudest noise comes from the tubes on deck followed by two cones slowly rising thru the night air. Candlesticks with flames shooting from their tails, fly steadily out of sight.

Resolution: Sara is at the hospital with Josh visiting Walters and McMann. The rest of the Seal Team are there also. Josh asks Walters if he can call him daddy. Walters says, “Yes.” The President visits Honolulu and Pearl Harbor. The Seal Team receives an honor “Live Free or Die.”

[Robert W. Daniel]

Lesson 2 – Robert W. Daniel “Saving Paradise” Outline and Beat Sheet 05-29-2023

A troubled Navy Seal Commander and his Red Scorpion Team have only 72-hours to stop or destroy a lunatic, commander and his North Korean Nuclear Missile Submarine which threatens to finish what the Japanese failed to complete at Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. Only this time with nukes.

A troubled Navy Seal Commander and his team receive a 72-hour ultimatum from a rogue DPRK submarine which they must capture and destroy without detonating the onboard nuclear missiles which could kill millions of Americans.

ACT I

1. OPENING IMAGE – WALTERS HOME – NIGHT

NEWS FLASH. The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (North Korea) has fired another missile across the Sea of Japan; this is the third missile firing this month.TV playing to and empty room.

2. INT. AFGHANISTAN – DAY

FLASHBACK OF ROADSIDE BOMB EXPLOSION causing Walters some major injuries.

3. INT. WALTERS HOME – NIGHT

Meanwhile, at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii at the apartment of U.S. Navy Seal Team Commander MATT WALTERS (30) and his girlfriend SARA MILLS (26) have had a knockdown, drag-out argument about Matt’s procrastination over not seeking help with his nightmares and anger issues. And his unconcern about their future, mainly getting married and starting a family.

4. INT. WALTERS HOME – DAY

Walters asleep on the couch. Sara is up early and leaves, headed to California to visit her mother. Walters’s anger and unconcern has caught up with him.

5. EXT. AIRPORT HIWAY – DAY

Walters is headed for the airport to catch-up with Sara. On the way Walters meets a JOSH TURNER (6), a foster kid hitchhiking. He stops picks up Josh; who’s going headed fishing. Walters drops the kid off; because he’s going right by Josh’s fishing hole. Walters misses Sara the plane it’s taxiing down the runway.

6. EXT. NAVY TRAINING CENTER – DAY (THEME STATED)

Walters and team leader ACE MCMANN (28) have been pushing his other six men Seal’s to the limit, and Walters is catching hell from the team. Walter is angry and retaliates; however, the team mentions the problem to their higher-ups. McMann gives the team a motto, “Live Free or Die.”

7. INT. NAVY COMMAND – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

Walters is advised by ADMIRAL CHARLES WILLIAMS (50), to seek help for his anger issues, or the Admiral will take action.

8. INT. NK SUB – NIGHT

A North Korean Commander LI JONG KANG (40), an evil bastard, is onboard a nuclear missile submarine. It eases out of Sinpo Harbor heading for the Sea of Japan, and the mission is unknown.

9. EXT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – NIGHT

Several days later, during the early morning hours, the N.K. submarine stealthily enters Pearl Harbor and casually ties up at an empty berth in the Naval Dry Dock area. Just like it belonged there.

10. EXT. NK SUB – PEARLHARBOR – DAY

Later in the early morning, the North Korean Nuclear Submarine is discovered by the Navy harbor patrol. The harbor is abuzz with “Who is the hell is responsible for this Fukien Mess??” The submarine is immediately barricaded by a Destroyer to prevent it from escaping the harbor.

11. INT. NAVY COMMAND – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

ALERT: A call to Matt Walters advising him he and his Red Scorpions are the chosen “Suicide Squad,” and he has to report for duty ASAP – NOW. The Hawaii Civil Defense Department has notified so the preparations for evacuating the public.

12. INT. NAVY COMMAND – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

Walters is full of excuses about how to handle the problem. How silly to using a Seal Team to take control of a missile-armed nuclear submarine with a can opener. Walters tells Admiral Williams he will need some time to come up with a plan. The Admiral stated they have no time.

13. INT. WHITE HOUSE – NIGHT

The Naval Pac-Fleet Command has notified POTUS, and they have ruled out attacking the submarine with aircraft, missiles, or bombs. The possibility of a missile with nuclear warheads exploding on Oahu would be a disaster. Everyone is pointing fingers about whose fault it is.

14. INT. NAVY COMMAND – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

The Seal Team will have to convince the NK Commander that it is in his best interest to hand over control of his sub to the SWCC. Pac-Fleet has been trying to make radio contact with the submarine commander ever since its discovery in the harbor. Nothing.

After some serious thinking and orders from his Admiral, Walters finally agrees to gather his Red Scorpions. The Scorpions gear-up and head across the harbor in their inflatables to the Naval Dry Dock area where the submarine is tied up.

ACT II

15. EXT. NAVAL DRY DOCK – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

Walters and McMann take the lead, and the other Seals are around the submarine at strategic vantage points. All of the Seals have radio contact, and Walters checks one last time for any information contacting the North Korean Commander. Walters gets a lucky break.

16. EXT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

Pac-Fleet has made contact, and the NK Commander is allowing two of the Seal Team members to enter the submarine. Walters has the six other team members to be cautious and standby. He’s elated that the Commander made a wise choice to talk instead of holding out.

17. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

Walters and McMann board the sub with intercoms and full-battle gear plus Walters favorite some C-4 explosives, they make their way into the submarine. Down the access hatches, then down to the control room. The N.K. Commander Kang greets the two, and he speaks English. The N.K. Commander is very cocky and demanding, it’s here the two Commanders feel each other out.

18. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

Then North Korean submarine commander begins to make his demands known. Kang lets Walters know who’s in charge.

19. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

The NK Commander complicates things by telling the Seals that he has been in contact with a South Korean GENERAL NANG who, in turn, has been in contact with an American GENERAL MOORE.

20. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

And to keep the NK Nuclear Missiles from being fired that the NK LEADER DING KIM MO would be ousted. And, the U.S. would have it provide aid and lift all the embargos.

21. INT. NAVY COMMAND – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

All the conversations about on board the NK Sub is being transmitted to Naval Command via Walters intercom system.

22. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

Oh, yes, and you have to get this done in 48 hours, and the clock is ticking. Walters asked the Commander, “What if the higher-ups shot down the demands?” The Commander’s responds, “I will start a battle like you have not seen on this earth.”

23. INT. NAVAL COMMAND – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

SWCC -PAC FLEET has heard every word over Walter’s intercom system.

24. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

Walters moves up the ladder and stops. McMann covers and leaves a listening devise. Walters places the C-4 explosives and an electronic detonator behind the access door hinges.

25. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

Then the two Seals leave the submarine for their inflatables and team.

26. INT. WHITE HOUSE – WASHINGTON, DC – NIGHT

POTUS and the Pentagon throw a wrench into the process; they offer an olive branch. And allow a Hawaii based FBI negotiator to talk with the N.K. Commander to gain some more time to accomplish the demands.

27. EXT. NAVAL COMMAND – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

Walters, McMann, and the negotiator FBI AGENT AMANDA BLAKE (30) get permission to board the N.K. submarine again.

28. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

When the N.K. Commander finds out than none of the demands have been accomplished, and the time wasted, he threatens to kill the three and launch the nuclear missiles.

29. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

Walters gains control of the situation.

and agrees to work harder on the demands. Walters packs more C-4 into the plumbing around the access hatch. The three leave the submarine empty-handed.

30. INT. US ARMY COMMAND -SOUTH KOREA -DAY

In the meantime, the arrests of various Generals and Aids are in progress. And the U.S. finds out that North Korea’s Leader claims the submarine has gone ROGUE.

31. EXT. NAVAL COMMAND – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

Walters is finally able to contact his girlfriend Sara by phone; he can’t tell her much about what is happening. They chit-chat, but Sara detects a need from Walter’s voice. Walters is aware of his need to change; his eyes are now open to his weaknesses. He licks his wounds.

32. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – DAY

The N.K. Commander is blistering hot about the inactions of the U.S. government. So, he decides to light a fire under their asses to get some action. The Commander fires several Cruise type missiles around the harbor.

33. EXT. PEARL HARBOR NATIONAL MEMORIAL – DAY

He fires a direct hit missile and destroys the Pearl Harbor National Memorial turning it into a small pile of rubble. This whacko has turned Pearl Harbor into a shit-hole.

34. INT. WHITE HOUSE WASHINTON, DC – NIGHT

Negotiations have broken down, time is running out, and the POTUS orders to wipe the damn thing out.

35. INT. NAVAL COMMAND – NIGHT

Walters and the Red Scorpions find out that they will have to cut off the trigger finger or the whole damn arm of the N.K. Commander to stop the NUKES.

36. EXT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – NIGHT

Walters has orders to take the submarine, do whatever it takes. The Red Scorpions move on the sub, blowing the hatches and entering the sub with excitement only to feel the jaws of defeat slam on them. Several of the Seals are wounded, and the plan turns to crap; Walters realizes he should have expected the unexpected. The Seals retreat.

37. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – NIGHT

Now Commander Kwan has a small taste of victory, he has his Missile Launch Team set-up the two nuclear missiles prepared for auto-launch. The change will enable the system to function if Kwan is incapacitated.

38. INT. NAVAL COMMAND – NIGHT

Walters smells victory and devised a new plan that will need the SWCC command approval, and he will rejoin the battle alone. Now he will become a human bomb and wearing a plastic explosives vest when he sees the N.K. commander next. His superiors think only a lunatic would do something like that. They all want to bomb the damn submarine or blast it out of the water with missiles. Walters convinces the Command that he can get the job done. McMann won’t let him go alone. Get THAAD in a backup position just in case.

39. EXT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – NIGHT

Walters and McMann move on the N.K. submarine, they blast their way through the rubble used to cover the access hatches. Walters his C-4 to clear the area as he and Ace head into the Control Room. Gunfire, explosions, and smoke fill the sub. Walters places C-4 on the walls of the sub at critical locations and killing N.K. sailors along the way. Some of the sailors see the Seal with the Suicide Vest and bail from the submarine. Walters explodes several C-4 charges to place vent holes in the structure. Smoke billows out into the night air. There are fires everywhere.

40. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – NIGHT

Walters and Ace continue blasting their way towards the Missile Launch Command Center. Commander Kang is wounded and hold up in the center. Walters wrestles for control of the submarine and realizes he is dealing with one of the most vicious naval commanders he has ever encountered. Now he must gain control of the two missiles to win the war.

41. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – NIGHT

Another gun battle breaks-out for control of the Missile Launch room and the clock is running. Walters in a final battle with Kang, then Walters is stabbed.

42. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – NIGHT

But Walters has a bigger knife of his own and takes down Kang with a silent killing technique. The blade cuts across the throat.

ACT III

43. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – NIGHT

Walters and McMann go through the launch, trying to discover the secret to stopping the launch clock. No way! The submarine is in danger of blowing at any minute. Walters contacts SWCC Command and advises of the critical situation. The missile launch clock has 10 minutes, and running notifies THAAD.

44. INT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – NIGHT

Walters and McMann hurry through the rubble and up the ladder, and out of the sub. Then several loud explosions and parts of the submarine start flying. The two Navy Seals are blasted into the air with great force from one of the explosions.

45. EXT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – NIGHT

Suddenly two missile launch doors on the deck begin opening, then smoke and fire blast from vents nearby. And the loudest noise comes from the tubes on deck followed by two cones slowly rising thru the night air. Candlesticks with flames shooting from their tails, fly steadily out of sight.

46. EXT. NK SUB – PEARL HARBOR – NIGHT

Walters and McMann are both alive. They are picked out of the water and taken to the base hospital.

47. INT. THAAD MISSILE DEFENCE COMMAND CENTER – NIGHT

The THAAD missile defense system intercepted both Nuclear Missile approximately 50 miles off the coast of Hawaii.

48. INT. BASE HOSPITAL – DAY

Sara is at the hospital with Josh visiting Walters and McMann. The rest of the Seal Team are there also. Josh asks Walters if he can call him daddy. Walters says, “Yes.”

49. EXT. NAVAL COMMAND – DAY

The President and dignitaries visit the North Korean submarine remains, an incinerated hulk in the harbor. Sometimes all is well that ends well — apparent victory.

50. EXT NAVAL COMMAND – DAY

The President visits Honolulu and Pearl Harbor. The Seal Team receives an honor “Live Free or Die.”

THE END

[Robert W. Daniel]

Robert W. Daniel – Pitch

A. Genre – Action

B. Title – “Saving Paradise”

C. High Concept – A troubled Navy Seal Commander and his Red Scorpion Team have to stop or destroy a lunatic, commander of a North Korean Nuclear Missile Submarine who issues a 72-hour ultimatum that threatens to finish what the Japanese failed to complete at Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. Only this time with nukes that could kill millions of Americans. “Die Hard in a Submarine”

D. Main Conflict – Matt Walters and his Red Scorpion Seal team have only 72 hours to capture or destroy a North Korean Nuclear Submarine with missiles, which has breached Pearl Harbor security. The team must accomplish this feat by any means necessary as long as the nuclear missiles are intact. They must save America and Pearl Harbor from being destroyed and millions of Americans killed.

E. Transformational Journey – Walters has to overcome his internal conflicts associated with PTSD and losing his girlfriend and his fear of settling down with a wife and kids. He battles his personal and anger issues possibly some job pressure brought on by his team and the intrusion of an enemy. A NK Submarine Commander Kang, who is a lunatic and rogue with his own issues. In the end coming out of hell alive, he wins back his girl and a kid to boot.

F. Opposition – Walters, in the beginning suffers from the effects of PTSD, loses his girlfriend and has issues with his Seal team. As if things couldn’t get any worse, a NK Nuclear Submarine enters Pearl Harbor to destroy paradise and millions of Americans because his people are destroying their own country. Walters and his Seal team are nearly incinerated and destroyed by the lunatic, Commander Kang, just because they have failed the 72-hour deadline. But Walters surprises the Commander with a few of his own tricks which turn the NK submarine into a burned-out hull. But the Commander of the sub has the last bloody laugh.

[Robert W. Daniel]

Hi everyone, Robert Daniel here – great to finally get through the hurdles to be here. i have written several scripts over the last 10 years and taken over 12 of Hal’s classes. Hope to use this rewrite class to polish one of my older scripts. Thankz Robert

[Robert W. Daniel]

I, Robert W. Daniel, herein agree to the terms of the release form.