Rodney Cavin
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I hope this is spaced down from the last post so someone can see it!!
I can’t see anyone in the forums, I hope you can see me.
I’d like to exchange feedback with you.
Please contact me direct at: rodcavin@gmail.com
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Engaging Clue Trails
What I learned about this lesson was how to develop clues for he audience to solve and how to add them into the Thriller Map.
The main mysteries?
• The villain must find and destroy the micro chip.
• Can Kelli discover the villain and survive?
• Where did Kelli hide the chip?List of clues for mysteries:
Mystery 1: To protect himself, Anthony must find and destroy the chip, and will kill all those involved.
End Result: Anthony, is stopped by Kelli.
Overt:
• Anthony becomes a friendly customer of Kelli’s.
• Anthony let’s his lawyer attempt to buy the chip to protect a client.
• When buying doesn’t work, Anthony will do it his way.
• After Kelli’s arrest, Anthony bribes officials to free Kelli so he can get the chip from her.
• Finding her after the wreck, Anthony offers her a ride to her parent’s farm.
• Anthony takes Kelli prisoner to find the chip and kill her.
Covet:
• Kelli’s house is searched.
• Kelli’s ex-boyfriend’s apartment is searched, the boyfriend killed.
• Kelli’s house is thoroughly searched.
• Kelli’s ex-boyfriend is killed, his apartment searched.
• Anthony causes Kelli’s near fatal auto accident.
• Anthony captures Kelli.Mystery 2: Can Kelli Survive?
End Result: Saved by Richard.
Overt:
• After seeing Billy with Richard, she believes he’s also involved.
• When the lawyer can’t tell her his client’s name she refuses to give his the chip.
• Kelly becomes convinced that Richard is the villain, aided by Billy and ever possibly the police Detective Aldrich.
• Kelli welcomes Anthony’s offer and even tells him how to get to her parent’s farm.
Covert:
• Richard follows Kelli to her parent’s farm.
• Anthony offers Kelli a ride after her accident.
• Kelli is run off the road, almost killed.
• Anthony comes to her rescue.
• Kelly learns the truth about Anthony and with Richard’s help, takes him down.Mystery 3: Where did Kelli hide the chip?
End Result: In her cat Tiger’s worn flea collar.
Overt:
• After searching Kelli tells Tiger she knows where to hide it and gets her little tools kit.
Covert:
• Kelli searches for a place to hide the chip he chip in her house.Which clues to keep:
To save space, I just listed the keepers above.Clues added to the new version of the Thriller Map:
OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
Twist 1: Direction: Customer seems nervous to Kelli. Twist: He is murdered when he leaves the restaurant.
INCITING INCIDENT: The customer leaves a micro chip as a part of Kelli’s tip.
• Mystery 1: (The main mystery.) The micro chip contains incriminating evidence against the villain who must find and destroy the chip and kill all those involved. How will he do it?
• Twist 2: Direction: Kelli surprised about the Customer’s murder. Twist: She finds a micro chip as part of her tip.
• Mystery 2: Kelli has the chip and soon learns it can cost her life. Will she survive?
• Life Threatening 2: Richard, friend of restaurant owner, learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: What can Kelli do to save her life?
• Twist 3: Direction: Kelli wonders about the chip’s possible danger to her.
• Clue 1: Kelli searches for a place to hide the chip in her house.
• Clue 2:After searching, Kelli tells Tiger she knows where to hide it and e her little tool kit. Twist: An attorney is told to set up a way to get this girl and get back the chip.
Kelli was working her best friend Magen’s shift.
• Mystery 5A: Was the chip intended for Magen?
Police Detective Aldrich interviews Kelli who makes no mention of the chip but he feels she not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy casually asks if the murdered customer left anything unusual as he often left little things as a gag for Megan. Again, Kelli says nothing.
• Reveal 1: Richard is not to be trusted. Cover up – Richard is a regular, friendly. Kelli exchanged “hellos” when he came in, but was watching her new customer who left her the micro chip in her tip. The MIS: Intrigue – he followed Kelli home, watches her house. Mystery – Who is Richard? Mystery – Why did he follow her home, watches her house. Dramatic Impact – Kelli sees him watching and becomes scared.
• Kelli looks for a place to hide the chip before she goes to work.
When Magen returns to work, Kelli takes her about those gag gifts. Magen tells her he did, but nothing really of any value.
• Clue 3: Anthony becomes a friendly customer of Kelli’s, asks about all the recent excitement.
• Clue 4: After seeing Billy with Richard, Kelli believes he’s also involved.
• Reveal 2: Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip and Billy agrees. Cover up – Billy, discussing the chip with Richard is obviously involved and therefore cannot be trusted. The MIS: Mystery – How are these two involved with the chip and the murder? Mystery – Who is left that Kelli can trust? Dramatic Intrigue – Richard telling Billy involved him with Richard.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s house.
• Clue 5: Kelli becomes convinced that Richard is the villain, aired by Billy and ever possible the police Detective Aldrich.
TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Clue 6: Kelli’s house is searched.
• Twist 4: Direction: Kelli wonders if the chip really was just a gag gift. Twist: Her house is broken into, ransacked.
Kelli decides the chip is valuable to someone, decides to move.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Failed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
• Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip.
• Clue 7: Anthony’s lawyer tries to buy the chip from Kelly.
• Clue 8: When the lawyer refuses to reveal his client’s name, Kelli refuses to sell him the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly “tourist” and asks her about the killing.
• Clue 9: Anthony becomes a friendly customer of Kelli’s, asks about all the recent excitement.
• Twist 5: Direction: Kelli finds an apartment she likes. Twist: The landlord refuses to rent to her.
This happens at several places. Kelli wonders who is doing this to her.Anthony offer to help her find an apartment.Kelli takes Tiger to her parents farm while she looks for a new place.
• Clue 10: Richard follows Kelli to the farm.
• Clue 11: Kelli’s ex-boyfriend is killed, his house searched. Det. Aldrich considers her a person of interest.
• Twist 6: Direction: Kelli tells the detective that Richard can testify the was at her parents when the murder happened. Twist: Richard refuses to support her story.
Kelli’s gun is the same as the murder weapon.
MIDPOINT: Kelli is arrested for the boy friend’s murder.
• Reveal 3: Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Cover up – Kelli has trusts him because he’s a police detective.
• The MIS: Intrigue – it appears that the detective is involved with he lawyer, thus with the villain.
• Suspense – How can Kelli get out of jail to clear herself?
• Dramatic Impact – Kelli feels relieved when evidence clears her gun but then the detective will still hold her on suspicion due to other factors (which we do not know).
The Lawyer offers to make her troubles go away in exchange for the chip. She refuses.
• Reveal 4: Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Cover up – Anthony is a friendly customer, even willing to help find Kelli an apartment. The MIS: Intrigue – Kelli’s life is in danger. Intrigue – How will Anthony kill her? Mystery – What will Anthony do next?
• Mystery:Life Threatening – Anthony will get the chip from Kelli even if he has to kill her; and probably will. Mystery – Will Kelli survive?
• Clue 12: Anthony’s lawyer bribes officials fee Kelli so she can lead them to the chip.
• Dramatic Impact: Anthony is not identified in a discussion with his attorney. After he tells him his way doesn’t work, he turns, recognized, and says he’ll take can of it his way. Kelli is released as her gun was not the murder weapon.
A motel denies Kelli a room—no vacancies, yet the place is mostly empty.
• Clue 13: Kelli is run off the road, almost killer.
• Twist 7: Direction: A car follows as she drives in search of another motel. Twist: The car suddenly tries to run her of the road.’
• Twist 8: Direction; A police car joins the chase, turns on the blue lights behind the attacker. Twist 1: The attacker ignores the cop, crashes Kelli and disappears as the cop stops to help Kelli. Twist 2: The cop gives her a ticket and leaves. Twist 3: Anthony comes along, offers to help then captures her.
• Clue 14: Anthony offers Kelli a ride to her parent’s farm.
• Clue 15: Kelli welcomes Anthony’s offer and even tells him how to get to her parents farm.
TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Clue 16: Anthony takes Kelli prisoner to force her to give him the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed, removed from same room.
• Twist 9: Direction: Richard returns to the room, approaches a terrified Kelli. Twist: Richard free’s Kelli’s bonds and tells her to run.
CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Clue 17: Kelli learns the truth about Anthony and with Richard’s help, takes him down.
• Reveal 5: Richard is the red herring, on Kelli’s side.
• Cover up – Richard has been suspicious since the beginning.
• Mystery – How will Richard get them both to safety?
• Suspense – How will Anthony handle the sudden appearance of Richard and the release of Kelli?
• Mystery – Can Richard get he and Kelli out of this?
• Dramatic Impact – Richard appears as a part of Anthony’s gang but at his first opportunity releases Kelli and tells her to run.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard up to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.
I can’t see anyone else on the forums, I hope you cansee me.
I’d really like to exchange feedback with someone.
Please contact me direct at: rodcavin@gmail.com
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Thriller Day 14
Rod’s readable Thriller Map
From this lesson I learned how to reduce the layers of confusion as the thriller map was created to a readable version from which a script could be written.
Frankly, I’m disappointed at the outcome. With my concept I envisioned a tight, simple story that kept the Waitress scared to death from the simple opening to the end. As I developed the map, the details changed several times and I feel I’ve lost what I intended, ending up with a weaker. more complex story with a disappointing ending.
If I were to write this, I’d start over with the thriller map from square one and hold it much closer to my original feelings about this concept.
But I know how to do that now, that’s the purpose of the class and I feel I’ve gained a great deal from it.
I would loved to have used the AI feedback of the lessons offered including this one but it’s never shown up on my assignments to access it. I submitted several support requests, most acknowledged received, but have never received an answer. Never had that problem wit h SU before.
(I also regret is has taken so long but I’ve had health issues including the Flu which has really put me behind schedule.)
The readable Thriller Map: TheWaitress
1 INT/EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Richard, a regular, watches a nervous customer, Frank, finish his lunch then slips out of the building.
Frank settles his bill, leaves a tip, departs.
His waitress, Kelli finds a micro chip with her cash tip. When shots are heard from outside, Kelli stuffs the tip in her pocket, rushes out with the staff.
Outside, Richard searches Frank’s pockets while pretending to help him as the customer dies.
Inside, Kelli returns, looks at the chip, wonders if it had to do with the man’s murder.
2 INT. RESTAURANT BREAK ROOM – DAY
Police Detective Aldrich questions a nervous Kelli about Frank who wasn’t one of her regulars. Kelli answers his questions but never mentions the micro chip.
He asks her to have the manager come in.
When Kelli’s gone he and his older detective partner, Keith, agree she holding something back.
3 INT. RESTAURANT MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY
Kelli overhears Richard tell the owner/manager, Billy, that the chip wasn’t on him and he needed to find is before there’s another body. Kelli knocks, enters to tell Billy the detective wants to see him.
Now she realized the chip is involved and she could be the next body.
4 INT/EXT. KELLI’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Kelli puts the micro chip in her computer, talks to her tomcat, Tiger, while it boots up. She mentions to Tiger that he needs a new flea collar.
She opens some of the files, puzzled nothing but accounting files. Means nothing.
A car headlights snaps her to the window, she notices someone parked across the street, watching her house.
She searches for a place to hide the chip till she can find someone to give it too.
5 INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Kelli waits on a new friendly, reporter, Tony, who asks about yesterday’s murder.
At the bar, Billy serves Richard a drink. They watch Kelli, agree she must have it and have to figure a way to get it.
Tony asks Kelli about the biggest of most unusual tip she’s even received. Kelly tells him nothing unusual.
Back at the work station, she looks at Tony, then over to Billy and Richard, and worries.
6 INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE – DAY
Attorney Lester Goddi on phone, tells client he needs to let him handle getting it back before he makes it even worse. They argue but the client finally agrees.
7 INT. RESTAURANT – LATE AFTERNOON
Kelli is surprised to find her ex, Jason in her section. He’s concerned about her because of the shooting.
Another waitress, Megan, comes to work, stopped by Billy who tells her they have a problem.
Jason is concerned for Kelli offers to help. she thanks him, has no problem but dosed’t sound convincing. He doesn’t believer her.
Megan greets Kelli, thanks her for covering for her yesterday. The two old friends chat to catch up, Megan asking if the customer left her anything unusual, says he ofter leaves her some little gag gift. Kelli tells her a sizable tip was all.
8 INT. KELLI’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Kelli asks Tiger why everybody wants to know about her tip.
A sudden loud knock on the door scares hell out of her. She finally looks out, sees nobody. Opens the door, relieved it’s a delivered package.
Then the phone rings, an attorney wants to talk to her. Agains she’s worried.
9 INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE – DAY
Lester explains that the murder victim had stolen highly confidential information and he needs to get it back. The company offers her $50-thousand if she will return it. Kelli fakes surprise, would love to have the money but doesn’t have the secrets.
Kelli leaves, Lester doesn’t believe her, calls his client to report.
10 INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Kelli waits on Tony again, but she doesn’t remember anything more. Tony flirts with her.
Megan asks Kelli if that’s a new boy friend, Kelli tells her he’s a reporter.
Tony makes a phone call.
11 INT. DETECTIVE’S OFFICE – NNIGHT
Aldrich, Keith, discuss backgrounds, mention Kelli’s raised on a farm, attends local college intermittently. They still agree she’s holding back something.
12 EXT. LOCAL STREETS – NIGHT
Kelli walks home, someone follows her. Scared she takes a short-cut, falls almost slides down an embankment, . She waits, satisfied she’s alone, she gets home.
13 INT/EXT. KELLI’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Kelli finds the house ransacked, and where’s Tiger. She searches, finally finds him sitting in back yard waiting to be rescued.
She calls Detective Aldrich.
Police team checks out the house, finds nothing. Aldrich interviews her again but she still does not mention the chip.
She packs a bag, Tiger’s bowls, loads her little car calls her father to let them know she’s coming. She calls Billy and gives him an excuse to need some time off.
As she drives away, a car drops in behind her.
14 EXT. FAMILY FARM – NIGHT
Kelli is welcomed by her father, Jim, who takes her inside.
Kelli sees the car that followed her drive past, Richard, behind the wheel.
15 EXT. FAMILY FARM – DAY
Kelli tows a load of something behind the tractor to the barn. Jim meets her, shows a a new farm machine he’s added, she climbs in, thinks she can handle it.
At lunch Kelli catches Jim and her mother, Andrea, up on her problems. Will find an apartment, asks them to keep Tiger for a while.
After lunch, Kelli and Jim practice a little shooting. with fire arms stored in the barn.Jim gives her the little .38 revolver she learned to shoot with. Insists she take it with her, although she objects.
16 EXT. APARTMENT OFFICES – DAY
Apartment manager tells Kelli there are no vacancies.
This is repeated several times.
Even at a lessor motel there are no vacancies though the parking lot is empty.
17 INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Kelli waits on Tony, she tells him she can’t find an apartment, he offers to help her.
She will crash at her ex’s tonight.18 EXT/INT. JASON’S APARTMENT – NIGHT.
Kelli rings the chime, no answer. She finds the door unlocked, enters.
She ends the place searched/trashed and Jason dead.
19 INT. JASON’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Detective Aldrich, Keith, and team work. Coroner says Jason shot with a .38 between 18 and 24 hours ago with a .38.
Aldrich questions Kelli, accuses her, searches her luggage, finds her .38 revolver, recently fired. He holds her on suspicion.
She tells him Richard followed her last night, he can vouch for her.
Aldrich calls Richard who denies knowing where she was.
Aldrich arrests Kelli.
20 INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE – NIGHT.
Lester tells the phone you’ve done it again. She’s in jail, for you’re last antic.
21 INT. FACTORY OFFICE – NIGHT
Unidentified man yells into the phone that he’d better get her un-arrested.
He turns and reveals he’s Tony.
22 INT. POLICE OFFICE – DAY
Aldrich and Keith discuss that Kelli can’t be arrested, see has’t been charged. Aldrich says he has his reasons. Keith thinks he’s taking orders and not from the department.
23 INT. POLICE INTERVIEW ROOM – DAY.
Lester makes an offer to Kelli, the chip in exchange for making her troubles go away. She wants to know what’s on the chip. He explains it contains proprietary secrets involved in the company’s work for the government and if it gets out, in could destroy the company’s clearance level and possibly destroy the company.
Kelli says she’d like to help him but doesn’t have what he describes and has no idea who has.
24 INT. POLICE OFFICE – NIGHT
Aldrich on phone telling someone he can’t hold her because her guns not the murder weapon and he has no other evidence and hangs up.
He then orders Kelli released.
Kelli demands her gun back since they have no evidence against her she finally gets it.
25 INT. RESTAURANT OFFICE – NIGHT
Richard tells Billy Kelli’s been released since his cop won’t cooperate. He’ll just do it on his own to keep from destroying everything. He says he know how to find her.
26 EXT. ROAD TO THE FARM – NIGHT
A car runs tries to run her off the road.
A police car joins the chase pulls Kelli over, gives her a ticket over her protests.
When she resumes the chase car joins her, runs her off the road. The car is wrecked but she survives.
Another car stops to help, Tony, who offers to take her to her parent’s farm.
27 EXT. ACCIDENT SITE – NIGHT
Blue lights slow traffic as tow truck removes Kelli’s car.
Richard stops in the traffic, recognizes Kelli’s car, learns from officers no driver was found.
28 INT. CONVENIENCE STORE – NIGHT
Richard enters, sees Kelli with Tony having coffee at a table. He listens, learns they are on the way to her parent’s farm.
29 INT. FAMILY FARM – NIGHT
Richard introduces himself as FBI Special Agent, explains Kelli’s in danger and he wants to put them in a safe place. They suggest the storm cellar and go there.
Richard checks out the room, makes his plans.
Tony arrives with Kelli. Two more of his men join him as he takes Kelli prisoner and sends the other two find her parents. When they can’t be found Kelli tells them they’re probably at the church meeting.
Tony wants the chip or she can watch her parents die.
Richard steps in while Tony is out, ID’s himself, frees Kelli and tells her to run.
Tony returns, finds Kelli gone, then Richard reveals himself and attempts to arrest him, but Tony’s men capture Richard and are ordered to kill him.
Tony hears two shots fired then Kelli returns with her revolver on Tony. He ignores her, Richard returns, there’s a scuffle and Kelli shoots Tony, wounding him.
Richard cuffs him, Kelli gets her parents from the storm shelter.
Richard wants the chip but Kelli still doesn’t have it.
Kelli finds Tiger, removes the chip from a split in his tea collar, gives it to Richard.
30 EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY
In Billy’s office it’s briefly explained to Kelli, Tony’s company raided and closed, more federal charges were added on Tony and he’s never see a free day again.
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Correct upload error
Thriller Day 12
Engaging Clue Trails
What I learned about this lesson was how to develop clues for he audience to solve and how to add them into the Thriller Map.
The main mysteries?
• The villain must find and destroy the micro chip.
• Can Kelli discover the villain and survive?
• Where did Kelli hide the chip?List of clues for mysteries:
Mystery 1: To protect himself, Anthony must find and destroy the chip, and will kill all those involved.
End Result: Anthony, is stopped by Kelli.
Overt:
• Anthony becomes a friendly customer of Kelli’s.
• Anthony let’s his lawyer attempt to buy the chip to protect a client.
• When buying doesn’t work, Anthony will do it his way.
• After Kelli’s arrest, Anthony bribes officials to free Kelli so he can get the chip from her.
• Finding her after the wreck, Anthony offers her a ride to her parent’s farm.
• Anthony takes Kelli prisoner to find the chip and kill her.
Covet:
• Kelli’s house is searched.
• Kelli’s ex-boyfriend’s apartment is searched, the boyfriend killed.
• Kelli’s house is thoroughly searched.
• Kelli’s ex-boyfriend is killed, his apartment searched.
• Anthony causes Kelli’s near fatal auto accident.
• Anthony captures Kelli.Mystery 2: Can Kelli Survive?
End Result: Saved by Richard.
Overt:
• After seeing Billy with Richard, she believes he’s also involved.
• When the lawyer can’t tell her his client’s name she refuses to give his the chip.
• Kelly becomes convinced that Richard is the villain, aided by Billy and ever possibly the police Detective Aldrich.
• Kelli welcomes Anthony’s offer and even tells him how to get to her parent’s farm.
Covert:
• Richard follows Kelli to her parent’s farm.
• Anthony offers Kelli a ride after her accident.
• Kelli is run off the road, almost killed.
• Anthony comes to her rescue.
• Kelly learns the truth about Anthony and with Richard’s help, takes him down.Mystery 3: Where did Kelli hide the chip?
End Result: In her cat Tiger’s worn flea collar.
Overt:
• After searching Kelli tells Tiger she knows where to hide it and gets her little tools kit.
Covert:
• Kelli searches for a place to hide the chip he chip in her house.Which clues to keep:
To save space, I just listed the keepers above.Clues added to the new version of the Thriller Map:
OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
Twist 1: Direction: Customer seems nervous to Kelli. Twist: He is murdered when he leaves the restaurant.
INCITING INCIDENT: The customer leaves a micro chip as a part of Kelli’s tip.
• Mystery 1: (The main mystery.) The micro chip contains incriminating evidence against the villain who must find and destroy the chip and kill all those involved. How will he do it?
• Twist 2: Direction: Kelli surprised about the Customer’s murder. Twist: She finds a micro chip as part of her tip.
• Mystery 2: Kelli has the chip and soon learns it can cost her life. Will she survive?
• Life Threatening 2: Richard, friend of restaurant owner, learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: What can Kelli do to save her life?
• Twist 3: Direction: Kelli wonders about the chip’s possible danger to her.
• Clue 1: Kelli searches for a place to hide the chip in her house.
• Clue 2:After searching, Kelli tells Tiger she knows where to hide it and e her little tool kit. Twist: An attorney is told to set up a way to get this girl and get back the chip.
Kelli was working her best friend Magen’s shift.
• Mystery 5A: Was the chip intended for Magen?
Police Detective Aldrich interviews Kelli who makes no mention of the chip but he feels she not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy casually asks if the murdered customer left anything unusual as he often left little things as a gag for Megan. Again, Kelli says nothing.
• Reveal 1: Richard is not to be trusted. Cover up – Richard is a regular, friendly. Kelli exchanged “hellos” when he came in, but was watching her new customer who left her the micro chip in her tip. The MIS: Intrigue – he followed Kelli home, watches her house. Mystery – Who is Richard? Mystery – Why did he follow her home, watches her house. Dramatic Impact – Kelli sees him watching and becomes scared.
• Kelli looks for a place to hide the chip before she goes to work.
When Magen returns to work, Kelli takes her about those gag gifts. Magen tells her he did, but nothing really of any value.
• Clue 3: Anthony becomes a friendly customer of Kelli’s, asks about all the recent excitement.
• Clue 4: After seeing Billy with Richard, Kelli believes he’s also involved.
• Reveal 2: Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip and Billy agrees. Cover up – Billy, discussing the chip with Richard is obviously involved and therefore cannot be trusted. The MIS: Mystery – How are these two involved with the chip and the murder? Mystery – Who is left that Kelli can trust? Dramatic Intrigue – Richard telling Billy involved him with Richard.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s house.
• Clue 5: Kelli becomes convinced that Richard is the villain, aired by Billy and ever possible the police Detective Aldrich.
TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Clue 6: Kelli’s house is searched.
• Twist 4: Direction: Kelli wonders if the chip really was just a gag gift. Twist: Her house is broken into, ransacked.
Kelli decides the chip is valuable to someone, decides to move.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Failed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
• Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip.
• Clue 7: Anthony’s lawyer tries to buy the chip from Kelly.
• Clue 8: When the lawyer refuses to reveal his client’s name, Kelli refuses to sell him the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly “tourist” and asks her about the killing.
• Clue 9: Anthony becomes a friendly customer of Kelli’s, asks about all the recent excitement.
• Twist 5: Direction: Kelli finds an apartment she likes. Twist: The landlord refuses to rent to her.
This happens at several places. Kelli wonders who is doing this to her.Anthony offer to help her find an apartment.Kelli takes Tiger to her parents farm while she looks for a new place.
• Clue 10: Richard follows Kelli to the farm.
• Clue 11: Kelli’s ex-boyfriend is killed, his house searched. Det. Aldrich considers her a person of interest.
• Twist 6: Direction: Kelli tells the detective that Richard can testify the was at her parents when the murder happened. Twist: Richard refuses to support her story.
Kelli’s gun is the same as the murder weapon.
MIDPOINT: Kelli is arrested for the boy friend’s murder.
• Reveal 3: Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Cover up – Kelli has trusts him because he’s a police detective.
• The MIS: Intrigue – it appears that the detective is involved with he lawyer, thus with the villain.
• Suspense – How can Kelli get out of jail to clear herself?
• Dramatic Impact – Kelli feels relieved when evidence clears her gun but then the detective will still hold her on suspicion due to other factors (which we do not know).
The Lawyer offers to make her troubles go away in exchange for the chip. She refuses.
• Reveal 4: Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Cover up – Anthony is a friendly customer, even willing to help find Kelli an apartment. The MIS: Intrigue – Kelli’s life is in danger. Intrigue – How will Anthony kill her? Mystery – What will Anthony do next?
• Mystery:Life Threatening – Anthony will get the chip from Kelli even if he has to kill her; and probably will. Mystery – Will Kelli survive?
• Clue 12: Anthony’s lawyer bribes officials fee Kelli so she can lead them to the chip.
• Dramatic Impact: Anthony is not identified in a discussion with his attorney. After he tells him his way doesn’t work, he turns, recognized, and says he’ll take can of it his way. Kelli is released as her gun was not the murder weapon.
A motel denies Kelli a room—no vacancies, yet the place is mostly empty.
• Clue 13: Kelli is run off the road, almost killer.
• Twist 7: Direction: A car follows as she drives in search of another motel. Twist: The car suddenly tries to run her of the road.’
• Twist 8: Direction; A police car joins the chase, turns on the blue lights behind the attacker. Twist 1: The attacker ignores the cop, crashes Kelli and disappears as the cop stops to help Kelli. Twist 2: The cop gives her a ticket and leaves. Twist 3: Anthony comes along, offers to help then captures her.
• Clue 14: Anthony offers Kelli a ride to her parent’s farm.
• Clue 15: Kelli welcomes Anthony’s offer and even tells him how to get to her parents farm.
TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Clue 16: Anthony takes Kelli prisoner to force her to give him the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed, removed from same room.
• Twist 9: Direction: Richard returns to the room, approaches a terrified Kelli. Twist: Richard free’s Kelli’s bonds and tells her to run.
CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Clue 17: Kelli learns the truth about Anthony and with Richard’s help, takes him down.
• Reveal 5: Richard is the red herring, on Kelli’s side.
• Cover up – Richard has been suspicious since the beginning.
• Mystery – How will Richard get them both to safety?
• Suspense – How will Anthony handle the sudden appearance of Richard and the release of Kelli?
• Mystery – Can Richard get he and Kelli out of this?
• Dramatic Impact – Richard appears as a part of Anthony’s gang but at his first opportunity releases Kelli and tells her to run.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard up to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.
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Thriller Day 11
Creating Demand for Reveals
What I learned is this less was the affect reveals can have on the audience anticipation in the adventure. Again I began by struggling to find the reveals in the thriller map or the story direction in my head till I realized once again that there are none there. This lesson teaches us to create them! Thanks, Hal. Building the map in this manner is what builds the M.I.S. in every scene, exposing the real story over time.
1. Important reveals for the audience to experience:
• Anthony is the villain.
• Richard is highly suspicious.
• Billy working with Richard is a suspect.
• Kelli knows how to defend herself.
• Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Richard is an FBI Special Agent.Sequence them to fit into the Thriller Map.
• Richard is highly suspicious.
• Billy working with Richard is a suspect.
• Anthony is the villain.
• Billy working with Richard is a suspect.
• Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Richard is an FBI Special Agent.Sequence them to fit into the Thriller
OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
• Twist 1: Direction: Customer seems nervous to Kelli. Twist: He is murdered when he leaves the restaurant.
INCITING INCIDENT: The customer leaves a micro chip as a part of Kelli’s tip.
• Twist 2: Direction: Kelli surprised about the Customer’s murder Twist: She finds a micro chip as part of her tip.
• Life Threatening 2: Richard, friend of restaurant owner, learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: How is Kelli involved?
• Twist 3: Direction: Kelli wonders about the chip’s possible danger to her. Twist: An attorney is told to set up a way to get this girl and get back the chip.
Kelli was working her best friend Magen’s shift.
• Mystery 5A: Was the chip mentioned for Magen?
Police Detective Aldrich interviews Kelli who makes no mention of the chip but he feels she not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy casually asks if the murdered customer left anything unusual as he often left little things as a gag for Megan. Again, Kelli says nothing.
• Reveal 1: Richard is not to be trusted. Cover up – Richard is a regular, friendly. Kelli exchanged “hellos” when he came in, but was watching her new customer who left her the micro chip in her tip. The MIS: Intrigue – he followed Kelli home, watches her house. Mystery – Who is Richard? Mystery – Why did he follow her home, watches her house. Dramatic Impact – Kelli sees him watching and becomes scared.
• Kelli looks for a place to hide the chip before she goes to work.
When Magen returns to work, Kelli takes her about those gag gifts. Magen tells her he did, but nothing really of any value.
• Reveal 2: Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip and Billy agrees. Cover up – Billy, discussing the chip with Richard is obviously involved and therefore cannot be trusted. The MIS: Mystery – How are these two involved with the chip and the murder? Mystery – Who is left that Kelli can trust? Dramatic Intrigue – Richard telling Billy involved him with Richard.
TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Twist 4: Direction: Kelli wonders if the chip really was just a gag gift. Twist: Her house is broken into, ransacked.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s house.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Failed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
Kelli decides the chip is valuable to someone, decides to move.
Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly “tourist” and asks her about the killing.
• Twist 5: Direction: Kelli finds an apartment she likes. Twist: The landlord refuses to rent to her.
This happens at several places. Kelli wonders who is doing this to her.
Anthony offer to help her find an apartment.
Kelli takes Tiger to her parents farm while she looks for a new place. Richard follows her. Kelli plans to crash with her ex-boy friend but she finds him killed, his apartment searched.
Det. Aldrich considers her a person of interest.
• Twist 6: Direction: Kelli tells the detective that Richard can testify the was at her parents when the murder happened. Twist: Richard refuses to support her story.
Kelli’s gun is the same as the murde weapon.
MIDPOINT: Kelli is arrested for the boy friend’s murder.
• Reveal 3: Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Cover up – Kelli has trusts him because he’s a police detective.
• The MIS: Intrigue – it appears that the detective is involved with he lawyer, thus with the villain.
• Suspense – How can Kelli get out of jail to clear herself?
• Dramatic Impact – Kelli feels relieved when evidence clears her gun but then the detective will still hold her on suspicion due to other factors (which we do not know).
The Lawyer offers to make her troubles go away in exchange for the chip. She refuses.
• Reveal 4: Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Cover up – Anthony is a friendly customer, even willing to help find Kelli an apartment. The MIS: Intrigue – Kelli’s life is in danger. Intrigue – How will Anthony kill her? Mystery – What will Anthony do next?Mystery:Life Threatening – Anthony will get the chip from Kelli even if he has to kill her; and probably will. Mystery – Will Kelli survive?
• Dramatic Impact: Anthony is not identified in a discussion with his attorney. After he tells him his way doesn’t work, he turns, recognized, and says he’ll take can of it his way. Kelli is released as her gun was not the murder weapon.
A motel denies Kelli a room—no vacancies, yet the place is mostly empty.
• Twist 7: Direction: A car follows as she drives in search of another motel. Twist: The car suddenly tries to run her of the road.’
• Twist 8: Direction; A police car joins the chase, turns on the blue lights behind the attacker. Twist 1: The attacker ignores the cop, crashes Kelli and disappears as the cop stops to help Kelli. Twist 2: The cop gives her a ticket and leaves. Twist 3: Anthony comes along, offers to help then captures her.
TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed, removed from same room.
• Twist 9: Direction: Richard returns to the room, approaches a terrified Kelli. Twist: Richard free’s Kelli’s bonds and tells her to run.
CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Reveal 5: Richard is the red herring, on Kelli’s side.
• Cover up – Richard has been suspicious since the beginning.
• Mystery – How will Richard get them both to safety?
• Suspense – How will Anthony handle the sudden appearance of Richard and the release of Kelli?
• Mystery – Can Richard get he and Kelli out of this?
• Dramatic Impact – Richard appears as a part of Anthony’s gang but at his first opportunity releases Kelli and tells her to run.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard up to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.
About the reveals:
They add to the M.I.S. of the thriller map. Some of these are reveals to the audience before Kelli finds them out thus adding considerable tension as, unknowingly, Kelli continues ahead unaware to the new danger waiting for her. -
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Thriller Day 10
Trust and Betrayal
What I learned from this lesson was how the trust/non trust relationship between lead characters becomes clear at this early stage of development and in a logical manner that can be woven in to the outline.
1. Main Characters:
Hero: Kelli
Villain: Anthony
Red Herring: Richard
Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Anthony, Detective Aldrich, Megan, Billy
Not trusted, but should be: Richard2. With each character, ask these questions:
Anthony – Trusted. because he meets Kelli as new customer, asks Kelli about the murder because she was there.
Richard – Not trusted because he watched the murder victim, left before murder the watched Kelli’s house, followed her places.
Detective Aldrich – Trusted because he is the police detective investigation the murder.
Megan – Trusted as she works with Kelli, is her restaurant best friend.
Billy – Trusted because he’s the restaurant owner and Kelli’s boss.3. With each character relationship, brainstorm how trust or distrust might show up between them.
Kelli/Anthony:
Trust – Kelli meets him as a new customer friendly, curious about the recent murder.
Trust – Offers to help Kelli find a new place to live.
Trust – Offers to give Kelli a ride after her accident.
Not trusted – reveals himself to be the villain wanting the microchip before he kills her.Kelli/Richard:
Not trusted because he seemed suspiciously instructed in her opening customer, left ahead of him to be killed.
Not trusted when Kelli saw her watch her house after the murder.
Not trusted when he followed Kelli home when she had to walk.
Not trusted when he followed Kelli to her parent’s farm.
Not trusted when he joined Anthony after Kelly’s capture.
Trusted when he frees Kelli, helps her escape then reveals himself as an FBI special agent.Kelli/Detective Aldrich:
Trusted because he is leading investigator of customer’s murder.
Trusted to do a correct investigation after he arrests Kelli for murdering her ex-boyfriend when she was not guilty.
Not trusted when Kelli sees him conferring in a very friendly manner with Richard and Billy.
Trusted after Kelli learns the truth about Richard and arrests Anthony for murder.Kelli/Megan:
Trusted as they work together, have become close friends.
Not Trusted when Kelli finds her close to Billy.
Not trusted when Megan asks Kelli about receiving the micro chip.
Trusted in finalé as all is revealed.Kelli/Billy:
Trusted being Kelli’s boss and owner of the restaurant.
Not Trusted when Kelli sees him friendly with Richard.
Not Trusted when he grills Kelli about the micro chip.
Trusted in finalé as all is revealed. -
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Plot Twists and Turns
What I learned from this lesson was how to create twists changing the path of the story. found some already already present and created new ones.
I added twists in the opening, at the inciting incident and at turning point 1.
Again after the billion first meets Kelli and another the Richachard refuses to vouch for her to Detective Aldrich.
More when Kelli can’t find a place to stay, the following road crash and when Anthony captures her.
The final twist is when Richard is revealed to be the red herring.New structure: OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
• Twist 1: Direction: Customer seems nervous to Kelli. Twist: He is murdered when he leaves the restaurant.
INCITING INCIDENT: The customer leaves a micro chip as a part of Kelli’s tip.
• Twist 2: Direction: Kelli surprised about the Customer’s murder Twist: She find a micro chip as part of her tip.
• Life Threatening 2: Richard, friend of restaurant owner, learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: How is Kelli involved?
• Twist 3: Direction: Kelli wonders about the chip’s possible danger to her. Twist: An attorney is told to set up a way to get this girl and get back the chip.
Kelli was working her best friend Magen’s shift.
• Mystery 5A: Was the chip mentioned for Magen?
Police Detective Aldrich interviews Kelli who makes no mention of the chip but he feels she not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy casually asks if the murdered customer left anything unusual as he often left little things as a gag for Megan. Again, Kelli says nothing.
Kelli looks for a place to hide the chip before she goes to work.
When Magen returns to work, Kelli takes her about those gag gifts. Magen tells her he did, but nothing really of any value.
Billy tells Richard that Kelli must have the chip and Richard agrees.
TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Twist 4: Direction: Kelli wonders if the chip really was just a gag gift. Twist: Her house is broken into, ransacked.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s house.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Failed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
Kelli decides the chip is valuable to someone, decides to move.
Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly “tourist” and asks her about the killing.
• Twist 5: Direction: Kelli finds an apartment she likes. Twist: The landlord refuses to rent to her.
This happens at several places. Kelli wonders who is doing this to her.
Kelli takes Tiger to her parents farm while she looks for a new place. Richard follows her. Kelli plans to crash with her ex-boy friend but she finds him killed, his apartment searched.
Det. Aldrich considers her a person of interest.
• Twist 6: Direction: Kelli tells the detective that Richard can testify the was at her parents when the murder happened. Twist: Richard refuses to support her story.
Kelli’s gun is the same as the murder weapon.
MIDPOINT: Kelli is arrested for the boy friend’s murder.
The Lawyer offers to make her troubles go away in exchange for the chip. She refuses.
Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Life Threatening 4: Anthony tells his attorney he’s had enough of his polite schemes he’s going to do it his way.
• Life threatening 5: When Anthony is revealed as the Villain, he’s one of Kelli’s nice customers.
• Mystery 9: What will Anthony do next.
• Villain’s Plan 4: Anthony will get the chip from Kelli if he has to kill her; and probably will when he does get it.
• Mystery 10: Will Kelli survive?
Kelli is released as her gun was not the murder weapon.
A motel denies Kelli a room—no vacancies, yet the place is mostly empty.
• Twist 7: Direction: A car follows as she drives in search of another motel. Twist: The car suddenly tries to run her of the road.’
• Twist 8: Direction; A police car joins the chase, turns on the blue lights llbelhind the attacker. Twist 1: The attacker ignores the cop, crashes Kelli and disappears as the cop stops to help Kelli. Twist 2: The cop gives her a ticket and leaves. Twist 3: Anthony comes along, offers to help then captures her.
TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed, removed from same room.
• Twist 9: Direction: Richard returns to the room, approaches a terrified Kelli. Twist: Richard free’s Kelli’s bonds and tells her to run.
CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard cup to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.
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Thriller Day 8 LessonIntertwine The Three Sequences to Create Plot
What I learned. That assembling the basic structure a foundation is created on which to continue to build and enhance the story.
When I first looked at the assignment it looked daunting, but then as I realized how things fit, it was easy. But I’ve changed elements of the previous lessons so I had to ensure that previous elements fit the update.
I think I’m set for the next additions.
Structure:
• OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
• Life Threatening 2: Richard learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: How is Kelli involved?TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s apartment.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Filed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly guy and since she was here, asks her about the killing.MIDPOINT: Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Life Threatening 4: Anthony tells his attorney he’s had enough of his polite schemes he’s going to do it his way.
• Life threatening 5: When Anthony is revealed as the Villain, he’s one of Kelli’s nice customers.
• Mystery 9: What will Anthony do next.
• Villaiin’s Plan 4: Anthony will get the chip from Kelli if he has to kill her; and probably will when he does get it.paents
• Mystery 10: Will Kelli survive?TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed.CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard cup to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.
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Thriller Day 7
From this lesson I learned how to brainstorm the Hero’s threatening sequences from the Villain’s plan, then using the useful ones, organize them in a useful order to begin to form the final outline of the script.
threatening sequence.What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?
The Villain must find a stolen micro chip of evidence that can destroy his high profit illegal business and put him in jail; then kill all responsible.
What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain?
To save space I made this list, scraped about a third of the possibilities then put them in a logical order and present them all in answer to the final question.
From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story.
Included in above.
Sequence those dangers in order and make a list like the one I did for Basic Instinct,
1. From the bar Richard Charning—Red Herring—watch a nervous Frank Bosichelli finish lunch and leaves only to be killed outside.
2. Frank’s waitress, Kelli Stafford—Hero—finds a micro chip in with her tip.
3. Police Detective Denton Aldrich questions Kelli who says nothing about the chip. Aldrich feels she’s not told him everything.
4. Restaurant owner Billy Stanley casually asks Kelli if “that guy” left her anything unusual. Kelli says no but begins to wonder about the chip.
5. Later when Kelli opens the chip she becomes concerned, wonders if it has to do with her customer’s killing.
6. Outside, Richard watches her house.
7. At work Frank’s regular waitress, Magen Hartford mentions to Kelli that he usually leaves her a special gift, but Kelli says nothing about the chip.
8. Magen’s apartment is searched and she is killed, now Kelli’s terrified.
9. Detective Aldrich questions Kelli, convinced she’s hiding something.
10. Kelli waits on Tony Belagranno—Villain, but we don’t know that yet—who casually askes her about the recent excitement.
11. Kelli finds her home broken into and trashed. Afraid for her life, she hits the road, followed by Richard.
12. She hides the chip in the barn of her parent’s farm, her Dad gives her the old .38 revolver she used to shoot cans with as a teen.
13. After closing Kelli finds her bike stolen so walks taking a shortcut through a woods, followed by a man. She threatens him with her revolver but can’t pull the trigger. He takes her gun away, is following because Billy ask him to watch out for her.
14. Detective Aldrich learns Kelli’s background: military service then a rookie cop who quit after her partner was killed possibly because she hesitated to use her weapon. He now must get the truth from her and stop her interfering.
15. A lawyer offers Kelli $50,000 for the chip to protect his clients personal business. She refuses. When lawyer reports, his client decides to do it his way when he disconnects we see that he is Tony.
16. Detective Aldrich asks Kelli about her background. She admits to it tells him about the ship and will give it to him.
17. Richard tells Billy they’ve got to get that chip.
18. Tony runs into Kelli, flirts and asks her out. She refuses, he grabs her arm, a customer interrupts, she escapes leaving Tony pissed.
19. Really terrified, Kelli drives out of town, chased by a large sedan taking shots at her. The sedan crashes, its driver is an unidentified thug.
20. At her family farm, Kelli retrieves the chip but Tony catches her and is about to kill her when Richard comes to her rescue.
21. A fight begins and as Tony and Richard fight for a fallen gun, Kelli pulls her own but can’t pull the trigger when she has the chance.
22. Finally as Tony is about to deliver a killing blow to Richard, Kelli manages to shot Tony. Richard reads Tony his rites, arrests him announcing he’s an FBI Special Agent.
23. The wrap up: Richard gives Tony To Detective Aldrich for the murder charges then celebrates at the restaurant revealing any part of the theft not previously uncovered piece by piece by Kelli. -
Thriller Lesson 8
Rod’s Mystery Sequence
I learned I was trying to find situations because I only has a two line concept until the light bulb finally lit. That’s the purpose of this whole class: to develop all the levels that build to MIS of that concept, thus becoming the MIS outline for writing the script. Now I’m banging out mysteries as I go. Are they all perfect? Will they all fit? I’m find out as the lessons continue.
Again, Wow!What is the big secret the Villain’s covering up? Theft of government contracting secrets being used for mob profit is discovered and evidence stolen, placed on a micro chip that the mob boss (villain) must recover and terminate those involved.
How many ways can he cover that secret? - Kill the thief.
⁃ Find the stolen disc then kill the recipient (the hero, a waitress).
⁃ When the villain is unable to find the disc, he must set up a way to trick the waitress to return the disc before he kills her.
⁃ To further hide his operation, he sets up a red herring to blame a Senator’s office for the leaks. (The Senator becomes the red herring.)
⁃ When making a deal with the waitress won’t work the villain has her terrorized.
⁃ As the waitress starts investigating, he makes her suspected of being involved with the Senator’s office.
⁃ The Senator reveals that he’s been running his own investigation and announces the identity of the real thief.
⁃ The mob tries to kill the real thief before he can talk.
Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one. For now the sequencing flows as above.Create a mystery chain for each man mystery, including a red herring.
The main mystery:
⁃ A waitress receives the stolen micro chip.
⁃ Did she plan the theft?
⁃ What is she going to do with the information?
⁃ Will the villain kill her to get the chip back?
⁃ Can the villain keep the whole disaster quiet to save his profitable operation?
Mystery #2:⁃ The waitress (hero) discovers what’s on the chip. What will she do about it?
⁃ She lies about her background to the local detective.
⁃ Can she overcome her fear of getting someone else killed as happed in her past?
⁃ She lies about not knowing the Senator the investigation leads to.
⁃ Can she really find the answers and save her life?
⁃ Can she overcome her fear of the past?
Mystery #3:
⁃ Is the Senator (red herring) guilty?
⁃ Is he dealing with the mob to keep a failing business afloat?
⁃ He avoids the reporter.
⁃ Why is he not willing to be interviewed by the press?
⁃ Why are emails about the theft coming from his office computer?
⁃ Is the Senator hiding behind his own secret investigation of the thefts?
⁃ Is someone on his staff the supplier of stolen information?
⁃ If so can the Senator prove it?
⁃ The guilty person is discovered, the Senator is cleared.
Mystery #4:
⁃ The mob boss (villain) has connections to everyone involved. Is he pulling the strings?
⁃ The mob boss’ lackey is caught with the gun used to kill the original thief.
⁃ Can the boss isolate himself from the lackey?
⁃ The mob boss tries to find the supplier to kill him.
⁃ A police IT expert opens the file on the stolen chip—it points to the mob boss.
⁃ The mob boss tries to shoot his way free. He fails. -
Thriller Lesson 1
Sorry, Wrong Number Thriller Conventions
I this lesson I learned how to discover the the Big Mystery, Intrigue and Suspense as well as those involving characters, the revealing of many layers, the twists and turns, all that we are studying in this course.
I currently only have off air TV so finding a suitable film of short notice has to come from my collection. I chose this old classic because it seemed to be more suited than the many “thrillers” with or supporting an action genre.
Good choice. It fit our conventions so closely this class could have been written about it. And afterward I had two great break-outs: 1) a woman in danger with a simple two line concept could really become a sensational thriller, and 2) saw a visual approach for my story which I will try to weave in the script within the confines of a writers script.
I hope I can do it justice.
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: A bedridden woman, Leona who overhears a phone call by two men planning to murder a woman and tries to stop it but every path she tries leads nowhere. As she struggles her past begins to surface, her own terrible character, her husband trying to cope, his ex-girl friend, her demanding father. As the truth is revealed we learn the unexpected about each, our loyalties constantly shifting with more surprises and reveals until her husband goes his own direction, beginning to with a mysterious stranger and finally his involvement with a gangster, his plot to kill his wife, his desperate attempt to reverse that course at the last minute.
Dangerous Villain: A gangster, Morano, finally revealed as the man behind the husband’s crooked activity near the very end, but has been doing his work through a mysterious stranger.
Life and death situations: Leona overhears a phone conversation of two men planning to murder a women at 11:15. As the layers are pulled away we learn she’s much different than she seemed originally, a how the other characters in her life led to the current situation. Our loyalty kept changing from one to another as their layers were revealed keeping us tightly engaged yet wondering which of these characters was what, pulling us to the edge of our seats, as Leona discovers at the last minute that she’s the intended victim.
This movie is thrilling because while we begin with support for Leona trying to stop a crime she keeps pulling us deeper into the tangle of her background, her husband, her millionaire father, her husband’s former girl friend and a mysterious stranger. Our loyalties are on a roller coaster ride as twist, turns, and layers reveal more of each character’s truth each slowly dragging us to the edge of our seats at the screaming end.
The Big Mystery: can Leona find the woman victim in the phone call and save her life?
The Big Intrigue: All the layers, twist, turns, surprises exposed about the background story, with each character revealed and how they change with interaction of events, shifting our hopes, loyalties in a blender. It’s almost hard to keep score!
The Big Suspense: How will it end? Can Leona stop the crime? How do all the other relationships play out, who is — or are — really the villian(s)? Each time you cheer you learn you’re backing looser!
Additional comments:
We are emotionally challenged, slowly engaged then dragged deeper and deeper to edge-of-the-seat panic and exhaustion at the climax.
We don’t learn about the murder until near the end of the second act and meet then real villain, Murano, then
We enter the story just before the end.
Thriller Lesson 1
Sorry, Wrong Number Thriller Conventions
I this lesson I learned how to discover the the Big Mystery, Intrigue and Suspense as well as those involving characters, the revealing of many layers, the twists and turns, all that we are studying in this course.
I currently only have off air TV so finding a suitable film of short notice has to come from my collection. I chose this old classic because it seemed to be more suited than the many “thrillers” with or supporting an action genre.
Good choice. It fit our conventions so closely this class could have been written about it. And afterward I had two great break-outs: 1) a woman in danger with a simple two line concept could really become a sensational thriller, and 2) saw a visual approach for my story which I will try to weave in the script within the confines of a writers script.
I hope I can do it justice.
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: A bedridden woman, Leona who overhears a phone call by two men planning to murder a woman and tries to stop it but every path she tries leads nowhere. As she struggles her past begins to surface, her own terrible character, her husband trying to cope, his ex-girl friend, her demanding father. As the truth is revealed we learn the unexpected about each, our loyalties constantly shifting with more surprises and reveals until her husband goes his own direction, beginning to with a mysterious stranger and finally his involvement with a gangster, his plot to kill his wife, his desperate attempt to reverse that course at the last minute.
Dangerous Villain: A gangster, Morano, finally revealed as the man behind the husband’s crooked activity near the very end, but has been doing his work through a mysterious stranger.
Life and death situations: Leona overhears a phone conversation of two men planning to murder a women at 11:15. As the layers are pulled away we learn she’s much different than she seemed originally, a how the other characters in her life led to the current situation. Our loyalty kept changing from one to another as their layers were revealed keeping us tightly engaged yet wondering which of these characters was what, pulling us to the edge of our seats, as Leona discovers at the last minute that she’s the intended victim.
This movie is thrilling because while we begin with support for Leona trying to stop a crime she keeps pulling us deeper into the tangle of her background, her husband, her millionaire father, her husband’s former girl friend and a mysterious stranger. Our loyalties are on a roller coaster ride as twist, turns, and layers reveal more of each character’s truth each slowly dragging us to the edge of our seats at the screaming end.
The Big Mystery: can Leona find the woman victim in the phone call and save her life?
The Big Intrigue: All the layers, twist, turns, surprises exposed about the background story, with each character revealed and how they change with interaction of events, shifting our hopes, loyalties in a blender. It’s almost hard to keep score!
The Big Suspense: How will it end? Can Leona stop the crime? How do all the other relationships play out, who is — or are — really the villian(s)? Each time you cheer you learn you’re backing looser!
Additional comments:
We are emotionally challenged, slowly engaged then dragged deeper and deeper to edge-of-the-seat panic and exhaustion at the climax.
We don’t learn about the murder until near the end of the second act and meet then real villain, Murano, then
We enter the story just before the end.
Corrected
Thriller Lesson 1
Sorry, Wrong Number Thriller Conventions
I this lesson I learned how to discover the the Big Mystery, Intrigue and Suspense as well as those involving characters, the revealing of many layers, the twists and turns, all that we are studying in this course.
I currently only have off air TV so finding a suitable film of short notice has to come from my collection. I chose this old classic because it seemed to be more suited than the many “thrillers” with or supporting an action genre.
Good choice. It fit our conventions so closely this class could have been written about it. And afterward I had two great break-outs: 1) a woman in danger with a simple two line concept could really become a sensational thriller, and 2) saw a visual approach for my story which I will try to weave in the script within the confines of a writers script.
I hope I can do it justice.
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: A bedridden woman, Leona who overhears a phone call by two men planning to murder a woman and tries to stop it but every path she tries leads nowhere. As she struggles her past begins to surface, her own terrible character, her husband trying to cope, his ex-girl friend, her demanding father. As the truth is revealed we learn the unexpected about each, our loyalties constantly shifting with more surprises and reveals until her husband goes his own direction, beginning to with a mysterious stranger and finally his involvement with a gangster, his plot to kill his wife, his desperate attempt to reverse that course at the last minute.
Dangerous Villain: A gangster, Morano, finally revealed as the man behind the husband’s crooked activity near the very end, but has been doing his work through a mysterious stranger.
Life and death situations: Leona overhears a phone conversation of two men planning to murder a women at 11:15. As the layers are pulled away we learn she’s much different than she seemed originally, a how the other characters in her life led to the current situation. Our loyalty kept changing from one to another as their layers were revealed keeping us tightly engaged yet wondering which of these characters was what, pulling us to the edge of our seats, as Leona discovers at the last minute that she’s the intended victim.
This movie is thrilling because while we begin with support for Leona trying to stop a crime she keeps pulling us deeper into the tangle of her background, her husband, her millionaire father, her husband’s former girl friend and a mysterious stranger. Our loyalties are on a roller coaster ride as twist, turns, and layers reveal more of each character’s truth each slowly dragging us to the edge of our seats at the screaming end.
The Big Mystery: can Leona find the woman victim in the phone call and save her life?
The Big Intrigue: All the layers, twist, turns, surprises exposed about the background story, with each character revealed and how they change with interaction of events, shifting our hopes, loyalties in a blender. It’s almost hard to keep score!
The Big Suspense: How will it end? Can Leona stop the crime? How do all the other relationships play out, who is — or are — really the villian(s)? Each time you cheer you learn you’re backing looser!
Additional comments:
We are emotionally challenged, slowly engaged then dragged deeper and deeper to edge-of-the-seat panic and exhaustion at the climax.
We don’t learn about the murder until near the end of the second act and meet then real villain, Murano, then
We enter the story just before the end.
-
Engaging Clue Trails
What I learned about this lesson was how to develop clues for he audience to solve and how to add them into the Thriller Map.
The main mysteries?
• The villain must find and destroy the micro chip.
• Can Kelli discover the villain and survive?
• Where did Kelli hide the chip?List of clues for mysteries:
Mystery 1: To protect himself, Anthony must find and destroy the chip, and will kill all those involved.
End Result: Anthony, is stopped by Kelli.
Overt:
• Anthony becomes a friendly customer of Kelli’s.
• Anthony let’s his lawyer attempt to buy the chip to protect a client.
• When buying doesn’t work, Anthony will do it his way.
• After Kelli’s arrest, Anthony bribes officials to free Kelli so he can get the chip from her.
• Finding her after the wreck, Anthony offers her a ride to her parent’s farm.
• Anthony takes Kelli prisoner to find the chip and kill her.
Covet:
• Kelli’s house is searched.
• Kelli’s ex-boyfriend’s apartment is searched, the boyfriend killed.
• Kelli’s house is thoroughly searched.
• Kelli’s ex-boyfriend is killed, his apartment searched.
• Anthony causes Kelli’s near fatal auto accident.
• Anthony captures Kelli.Mystery 2: Can Kelli Survive?
End Result: Saved by Richard.
Overt:
• After seeing Billy with Richard, she believes he’s also involved.
• When the lawyer can’t tell her his client’s name she refuses to give his the chip.
• Kelly becomes convinced that Richard is the villain, aided by Billy and ever possibly the police Detective Aldrich.
• Kelli welcomes Anthony’s offer and even tells him how to get to her parent’s farm.
Covert:
• Richard follows Kelli to her parent’s farm.
• Anthony offers Kelli a ride after her accident.
• Kelli is run off the road, almost killed.
• Anthony comes to her rescue.
• Kelly learns the truth about Anthony and with Richard’s help, takes him down.Mystery 3: Where did Kelli hide the chip?
End Result: In her cat Tiger’s worn flea collar.
Overt:
• After searching Kelli tells Tiger she knows where to hide it and gets her little tools kit.
Covert:
• Kelli searches for a place to hide the chip he chip in her house.Which clues to keep:
To save space, I just listed the keepers above.Clues added to the new version of the Thriller Map:
OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
Twist 1: Direction: Customer seems nervous to Kelli. Twist: He is murdered when he leaves the restaurant.
INCITING INCIDENT: The customer leaves a micro chip as a part of Kelli’s tip.
• Mystery 1: (The main mystery.) The micro chip contains incriminating evidence against the villain who must find and destroy the chip and kill all those involved. How will he do it?
• Twist 2: Direction: Kelli surprised about the Customer’s murder. Twist: She finds a micro chip as part of her tip.
• Mystery 2: Kelli has the chip and soon learns it can cost her life. Will she survive?
• Life Threatening 2: Richard, friend of restaurant owner, learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: What can Kelli do to save her life?
• Twist 3: Direction: Kelli wonders about the chip’s possible danger to her.
• Clue 1: Kelli searches for a place to hide the chip in her house.
• Clue 2:After searching, Kelli tells Tiger she knows where to hide it and e her little tool kit. Twist: An attorney is told to set up a way to get this girl and get back the chip.
Kelli was working her best friend Magen’s shift.
• Mystery 5A: Was the chip intended for Magen?
Police Detective Aldrich interviews Kelli who makes no mention of the chip but he feels she not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy casually asks if the murdered customer left anything unusual as he often left little things as a gag for Megan. Again, Kelli says nothing.
• Reveal 1: Richard is not to be trusted. Cover up – Richard is a regular, friendly. Kelli exchanged “hellos” when he came in, but was watching her new customer who left her the micro chip in her tip. The MIS: Intrigue – he followed Kelli home, watches her house. Mystery – Who is Richard? Mystery – Why did he follow her home, watches her house. Dramatic Impact – Kelli sees him watching and becomes scared.
• Kelli looks for a place to hide the chip before she goes to work.
When Magen returns to work, Kelli takes her about those gag gifts. Magen tells her he did, but nothing really of any value.
• Clue 3: Anthony becomes a friendly customer of Kelli’s, asks about all the recent excitement.
• Clue 4: After seeing Billy with Richard, Kelli believes he’s also involved.
• Reveal 2: Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip and Billy agrees. Cover up – Billy, discussing the chip with Richard is obviously involved and therefore cannot be trusted. The MIS: Mystery – How are these two involved with the chip and the murder? Mystery – Who is left that Kelli can trust? Dramatic Intrigue – Richard telling Billy involved him with Richard.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s house.
• Clue 5: Kelli becomes convinced that Richard is the villain, aired by Billy and ever possible the police Detective Aldrich.
TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Clue 6: Kelli’s house is searched.
• Twist 4: Direction: Kelli wonders if the chip really was just a gag gift. Twist: Her house is broken into, ransacked.
Kelli decides the chip is valuable to someone, decides to move.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Failed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
• Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip.
• Clue 7: Anthony’s lawyer tries to buy the chip from Kelly.
• Clue 8: When the lawyer refuses to reveal his client’s name, Kelli refuses to sell him the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly “tourist” and asks her about the killing.
• Clue 9: Anthony becomes a friendly customer of Kelli’s, asks about all the recent excitement.
• Twist 5: Direction: Kelli finds an apartment she likes. Twist: The landlord refuses to rent to her.
This happens at several places. Kelli wonders who is doing this to her.Anthony offer to help her find an apartment.Kelli takes Tiger to her parents farm while she looks for a new place.
• Clue 10: Richard follows Kelli to the farm.
• Clue 11: Kelli’s ex-boyfriend is killed, his house searched. Det. Aldrich considers her a person of interest.
• Twist 6: Direction: Kelli tells the detective that Richard can testify the was at her parents when the murder happened. Twist: Richard refuses to support her story.
Kelli’s gun is the same as the murder weapon.
MIDPOINT: Kelli is arrested for the boy friend’s murder.
• Reveal 3: Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Cover up – Kelli has trusts him because he’s a police detective.
• The MIS: Intrigue – it appears that the detective is involved with he lawyer, thus with the villain.
• Suspense – How can Kelli get out of jail to clear herself?
• Dramatic Impact – Kelli feels relieved when evidence clears her gun but then the detective will still hold her on suspicion due to other factors (which we do not know).
The Lawyer offers to make her troubles go away in exchange for the chip. She refuses.
• Reveal 4: Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Cover up – Anthony is a friendly customer, even willing to help find Kelli an apartment. The MIS: Intrigue – Kelli’s life is in danger. Intrigue – How will Anthony kill her? Mystery – What will Anthony do next?
• Mystery:Life Threatening – Anthony will get the chip from Kelli even if he has to kill her; and probably will. Mystery – Will Kelli survive?
• Clue 12: Anthony’s lawyer bribes officials fee Kelli so she can lead them to the chip.
• Dramatic Impact: Anthony is not identified in a discussion with his attorney. After he tells him his way doesn’t work, he turns, recognized, and says he’ll take can of it his way. Kelli is released as her gun was not the murder weapon.
A motel denies Kelli a room—no vacancies, yet the place is mostly empty.
• Clue 13: Kelli is run off the road, almost killer.
• Twist 7: Direction: A car follows as she drives in search of another motel. Twist: The car suddenly tries to run her of the road.’
• Twist 8: Direction; A police car joins the chase, turns on the blue lights behind the attacker. Twist 1: The attacker ignores the cop, crashes Kelli and disappears as the cop stops to help Kelli. Twist 2: The cop gives her a ticket and leaves. Twist 3: Anthony comes along, offers to help then captures her.
• Clue 14: Anthony offers Kelli a ride to her parent’s farm.
• Clue 15: Kelli welcomes Anthony’s offer and even tells him how to get to her parents farm.
TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Clue 16: Anthony takes Kelli prisoner to force her to give him the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed, removed from same room.
• Twist 9: Direction: Richard returns to the room, approaches a terrified Kelli. Twist: Richard free’s Kelli’s bonds and tells her to run.
CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Clue 17: Kelli learns the truth about Anthony and with Richard’s help, takes him down.
• Reveal 5: Richard is the red herring, on Kelli’s side.
• Cover up – Richard has been suspicious since the beginning.
• Mystery – How will Richard get them both to safety?
• Suspense – How will Anthony handle the sudden appearance of Richard and the release of Kelli?
• Mystery – Can Richard get he and Kelli out of this?
• Dramatic Impact – Richard appears as a part of Anthony’s gang but at his first opportunity releases Kelli and tells her to run.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard up to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.
-
Creating Demand for Reveals
What I learned is this less was the affect reveals can have on the audience anticipation in the adventure. Again I began by struggling to find the reveals in the thriller map or the story direction in my head till I realized once again that there are none there. This lesson teaches us to create them! Thanks, Hal. Building the map in this manner is what builds the M.I.S. in every scene, exposing the real story over time.
1. Important reveals for the audience to experience:
• Anthony is the villain.
• Richard is highly suspicious.
• Billy working with Richard is a suspect.
• Kelli knows how to defend herself.
• Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Richard is an FBI Special Agent.Sequence them to fit into the Thriller Map.
• Richard is highly suspicious.
• Billy working with Richard is a suspect.
• Anthony is the villain.
• Billy working with Richard is a suspect.
• Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Richard is an FBI Special Agent.Sequence them to fit into the Thriller
OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
• Twist 1: Direction: Customer seems nervous to Kelli. Twist: He is murdered when he leaves the restaurant.
INCITING INCIDENT: The customer leaves a micro chip as a part of Kelli’s tip.
• Twist 2: Direction: Kelli surprised about the Customer’s murder Twist: She finds a micro chip as part of her tip.
• Life Threatening 2: Richard, friend of restaurant owner, learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: How is Kelli involved?
• Twist 3: Direction: Kelli wonders about the chip’s possible danger to her. Twist: An attorney is told to set up a way to get this girl and get back the chip.
Kelli was working her best friend Magen’s shift.
• Mystery 5A: Was the chip mentioned for Magen?
Police Detective Aldrich interviews Kelli who makes no mention of the chip but he feels she not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy casually asks if the murdered customer left anything unusual as he often left little things as a gag for Megan. Again, Kelli says nothing.
• Reveal 1: Richard is not to be trusted. Cover up – Richard is a regular, friendly. Kelli exchanged “hellos” when he came in, but was watching her new customer who left her the micro chip in her tip. The MIS: Intrigue – he followed Kelli home, watches her house. Mystery – Who is Richard? Mystery – Why did he follow her home, watches her house. Dramatic Impact – Kelli sees him watching and becomes scared.
• Kelli looks for a place to hide the chip before she goes to work.
When Magen returns to work, Kelli takes her about those gag gifts. Magen tells her he did, but nothing really of any value.
• Reveal 2: Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip and Billy agrees. Cover up – Billy, discussing the chip with Richard is obviously involved and therefore cannot be trusted. The MIS: Mystery – How are these two involved with the chip and the murder? Mystery – Who is left that Kelli can trust? Dramatic Intrigue – Richard telling Billy involved him with Richard.
TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Twist 4: Direction: Kelli wonders if the chip really was just a gag gift. Twist: Her house is broken into, ransacked.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s house.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Failed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
Kelli decides the chip is valuable to someone, decides to move.
Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly “tourist” and asks her about the killing.
• Twist 5: Direction: Kelli finds an apartment she likes. Twist: The landlord refuses to rent to her.
This happens at several places. Kelli wonders who is doing this to her.
Anthony offer to help her find an apartment.
Kelli takes Tiger to her parents farm while she looks for a new place. Richard follows her. Kelli plans to crash with her ex-boy friend but she finds him killed, his apartment searched.
Det. Aldrich considers her a person of interest.
• Twist 6: Direction: Kelli tells the detective that Richard can testify the was at her parents when the murder happened. Twist: Richard refuses to support her story.
Kelli’s gun is the same as the murde weapon.
MIDPOINT: Kelli is arrested for the boy friend’s murder.
• Reveal 3: Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Cover up – Kelli has trusts him because he’s a police detective.
• The MIS: Intrigue – it appears that the detective is involved with he lawyer, thus with the villain.
• Suspense – How can Kelli get out of jail to clear herself?
• Dramatic Impact – Kelli feels relieved when evidence clears her gun but then the detective will still hold her on suspicion due to other factors (which we do not know).
The Lawyer offers to make her troubles go away in exchange for the chip. She refuses.
• Reveal 4: Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Cover up – Anthony is a friendly customer, even willing to help find Kelli an apartment. The MIS: Intrigue – Kelli’s life is in danger. Intrigue – How will Anthony kill her? Mystery – What will Anthony do next?Mystery:Life Threatening – Anthony will get the chip from Kelli even if he has to kill her; and probably will. Mystery – Will Kelli survive?
• Dramatic Impact: Anthony is not identified in a discussion with his attorney. After he tells him his way doesn’t work, he turns, recognized, and says he’ll take can of it his way. Kelli is released as her gun was not the murder weapon.
A motel denies Kelli a room—no vacancies, yet the place is mostly empty.
• Twist 7: Direction: A car follows as she drives in search of another motel. Twist: The car suddenly tries to run her of the road.’
• Twist 8: Direction; A police car joins the chase, turns on the blue lights behind the attacker. Twist 1: The attacker ignores the cop, crashes Kelli and disappears as the cop stops to help Kelli. Twist 2: The cop gives her a ticket and leaves. Twist 3: Anthony comes along, offers to help then captures her.
TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed, removed from same room.
• Twist 9: Direction: Richard returns to the room, approaches a terrified Kelli. Twist: Richard free’s Kelli’s bonds and tells her to run.
CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Reveal 5: Richard is the red herring, on Kelli’s side.
• Cover up – Richard has been suspicious since the beginning.
• Mystery – How will Richard get them both to safety?
• Suspense – How will Anthony handle the sudden appearance of Richard and the release of Kelli?
• Mystery – Can Richard get he and Kelli out of this?
• Dramatic Impact – Richard appears as a part of Anthony’s gang but at his first opportunity releases Kelli and tells her to run.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard up to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.
About the reveals:
They add to the M.I.S. of the thriller map. Some of these are reveals to the audience before Kelli finds them out thus adding considerable tension as, unknowingly, Kelli continues ahead unaware to the new danger waiting for her. -
Trust and Betrayal
What I learned from this lesson was how the trust/non trust relationship between lead characters becomes clear at this early stage of development and in a logical manner that can be woven in to the outline.
1. Main Characters:
Hero: Kelli
Villain: Anthony
Red Herring: Richard
Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Anthony, Detective Aldrich, Megan, Billy
Not trusted, but should be: Richard2. With each character, ask these questions:
Anthony – Trusted. because he meets Kelli as new customer, asks Kelli about the murder because she was there.
Richard – Not trusted because he watched the murder victim, left before murder the watched Kelli’s house, followed her places.
Detective Aldrich – Trusted because he is the police detective investigation the murder.
Megan – Trusted as she works with Kelli, is her restaurant best friend.
Billy – Trusted because he’s the restaurant owner and Kelli’s boss.3. With each character relationship, brainstorm how trust or distrust might show up between them.
Kelli/Anthony:
Trust – Kelli meets him as a new customer friendly, curious about the recent murder.
Trust – Offers to help Kelli find a new place to live.
Trust – Offers to give Kelli a ride after her accident.
Not trusted – reveals himself to be the villain wanting the microchip before he kills her.Kelli/Richard:
Not trusted because he seemed suspiciously instructed in her opening customer, left ahead of him to be killed.
Not trusted when Kelli saw her watch her house after the murder.
Not trusted when he followed Kelli home when she had to walk.
Not trusted when he followed Kelli to her parent’s farm.
Not trusted when he joined Anthony after Kelly’s capture.
Trusted when he frees Kelli, helps her escape then reveals himself as an FBI special agent.Kelli/Detective Aldrich:
Trusted because he is leading investigator of customer’s murder.
Trusted to do a correct investigation after he arrests Kelli for murdering her ex-boyfriend when she was not guilty.
Not trusted when Kelli sees him conferring in a very friendly manner with Richard and Billy.
Trusted after Kelli learns the truth about Richard and arrests Anthony for murder.Kelli/Megan:
Trusted as they work together, have become close friends.
Not Trusted when Kelli finds her close to Billy.
Not trusted when Megan asks Kelli about receiving the micro chip.
Trusted in finalé as all is revealed.Kelli/Billy:
Trusted being Kelli’s boss and owner of the restaurant.
Not Trusted when Kelli sees him friendly with Richard.
Not Trusted when he grills Kelli about the micro chip.
Trusted in finalé as all is revealed. -
Plot Twists and Turns
What I learned from this lesson was how to create twists changing the path of the story. found some already already present and created new ones.
I added twists in the opening, at the inciting incident and at turning point 1.
Again after the billion first meets Kelli and another the Richachard refuses to vouch for her to Detective Aldrich.
More when Kelli can’t find a place to stay, the following road crash and when Anthony captures her.
The final twist is when Richard is revealed to be the red herring.New structure: OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
• Twist 1: Direction: Customer seems nervous to Kelli. Twist: He is murdered when he leaves the restaurant.
INCITING INCIDENT: The customer leaves a micro chip as a part of Kelli’s tip.
• Twist 2: Direction: Kelli surprised about the Customer’s murder Twist: She find a micro chip as part of her tip.
• Life Threatening 2: Richard, friend of restaurant owner, learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: How is Kelli involved?
• Twist 3: Direction: Kelli wonders about the chip’s possible danger to her. Twist: An attorney is told to set up a way to get this girl and get back the chip.
Kelli was working her best friend Magen’s shift.
• Mystery 5A: Was the chip mentioned for Magen?
Police Detective Aldrich interviews Kelli who makes no mention of the chip but he feels she not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy casually asks if the murdered customer left anything unusual as he often left little things as a gag for Megan. Again, Kelli says nothing.
Kelli looks for a place to hide the chip before she goes to work.
When Magen returns to work, Kelli takes her about those gag gifts. Magen tells her he did, but nothing really of any value.
Billy tells Richard that Kelli must have the chip and Richard agrees.
TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Twist 4: Direction: Kelli wonders if the chip really was just a gag gift. Twist: Her house is broken into, ransacked.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s house.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Failed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
Kelli decides the chip is valuable to someone, decides to move.
Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly “tourist” and asks her about the killing.
• Twist 5: Direction: Kelli finds an apartment she likes. Twist: The landlord refuses to rent to her.
This happens at several places. Kelli wonders who is doing this to her.
Kelli takes Tiger to her parents farm while she looks for a new place. Richard follows her. Kelli plans to crash with her ex-boy friend but she finds him killed, his apartment searched.
Det. Aldrich considers her a person of interest.
• Twist 6: Direction: Kelli tells the detective that Richard can testify the was at her parents when the murder happened. Twist: Richard refuses to support her story.
Kelli’s gun is the same as the murder weapon.
MIDPOINT: Kelli is arrested for the boy friend’s murder.
The Lawyer offers to make her troubles go away in exchange for the chip. She refuses.
Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Life Threatening 4: Anthony tells his attorney he’s had enough of his polite schemes he’s going to do it his way.
• Life threatening 5: When Anthony is revealed as the Villain, he’s one of Kelli’s nice customers.
• Mystery 9: What will Anthony do next.
• Villain’s Plan 4: Anthony will get the chip from Kelli if he has to kill her; and probably will when he does get it.
• Mystery 10: Will Kelli survive?
Kelli is released as her gun was not the murder weapon.
A motel denies Kelli a room—no vacancies, yet the place is mostly empty.
• Twist 7: Direction: A car follows as she drives in search of another motel. Twist: The car suddenly tries to run her of the road.’
• Twist 8: Direction; A police car joins the chase, turns on the blue lights llbelhind the attacker. Twist 1: The attacker ignores the cop, crashes Kelli and disappears as the cop stops to help Kelli. Twist 2: The cop gives her a ticket and leaves. Twist 3: Anthony comes along, offers to help then captures her.
TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed, removed from same room.
• Twist 9: Direction: Richard returns to the room, approaches a terrified Kelli. Twist: Richard free’s Kelli’s bonds and tells her to run.
CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard cup to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.
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Intertwine The Three Sequences to Create Plot
What I learned. That assembling the basic structure a foundation is created on which to continue to build and enhance the story.
When I first looked at the assignment it looked daunting, but then as I realized how things fit, it was easy. But I’ve changed elements of the previous lessons so I had to ensure that previous elements fit the update.
I think I’m set for the next additions.
Structure:
• OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
• Life Threatening 2: Richard learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: How is Kelli involved?TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s apartment.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Filed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly guy and since she was here, asks her about the killing.MIDPOINT: Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Life Threatening 4: Anthony tells his attorney he’s had enough of his polite schemes he’s going to do it his way.
• Life threatening 5: When Anthony is revealed as the Villain, he’s one of Kelli’s nice customers.
• Mystery 9: What will Anthony do next.
• Villaiin’s Plan 4: Anthony will get the chip from Kelli if he has to kill her; and probably will when he does get it.paents
• Mystery 10: Will Kelli survive?TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed.CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard cup to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.
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From this lesson I learned how to brainstorm the Hero’s threatening sequences from the Villain’s plan, then using the useful ones, organize them in a useful order to begin to form the final outline of the script.
threatening sequence.What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?
The Villain must find a stolen micro chip of evidence that can destroy his high profit illegal business and put him in jail; then kill all responsible.
What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain?
To save space I made this list, scraped about a third of the possibilities then put them in a logical order and present them all in answer to the final question.
From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story.
Included in above.
Sequence those dangers in order and make a list like the one I did for Basic Instinct,
From the bar Richard Charning—Red Herring—watch a nervous Frank Bosichelli finish lunch and leaves only to be killed outside.
Frank’s waitress, Kelli Stafford—Hero—finds a micro chip in with her tip.
Police Detective Denton Aldrich questions Kelli who says nothing about the chip. Aldrich feels she’s not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy Stanley casually asks Kelli if “that guy” left her anything unusual. Kelli says no but begins to wonder about the chip.
Later when Kelli opens the chip she becomes concerned, wonders if it has to do with her customer’s killing.
Outside, Richard watches her house.
At work Frank’s regular waitress, Magen Hartford mentions to Kelli that he usually leaves her a special gift, but Kelli says nothing about the chip.
Magen’s apartment is searched and she is killed, now Kelli’s terrified.
Detective Aldrich questions Kelli, convinced she’s hiding something.
Kelli waits on Tony Belagranno—Villain, but we don’t know that yet—who casually askes her about the recent excitement.
Kelli finds her home broken into and trashed. Afraid for her life, she hits the road, followed by Richard.
She hides the chip in the barn of her parent’s farm, her Dad gives her the old .38 revolver she used to shoot cans with as a teen.
After closing Kelli finds her bike stolen so walks taking a shortcut through a woods, followed by a man. She threatens him with her revolver but can’t pull the trigger. He takes her gun away, is following because Billy ask him to watch out for her.
Detective Aldrich learns Kelli’s background: military service then a rookie cop who quit after her partner was killed possibly because she hesitated to use her weapon. He now must get the truth from her and stop her interfering.
A lawyer offers Kelli $50,000 for the chip to protect his clients personal business. She refuses. When lawyer reports, his client decides to do it his way when he disconnects we see that he is Tony.
Detective Aldrich asks Kelli about her background. She admits to it tells him about the ship and will give it to him.
Richard tells Billy they’ve got to get that chip.
Tony runs into Kelli, flirts and asks her out. She refuses, he grabs her arm, a customer interrupts, she escapes leaving Tony pissed.
Really terrified, Kelli drives out of town, chased by a large sedan taking shots at her. The sedan crashes, its driver is an unidentified thug.
At her family farm, Kelli retrieves the chip but Tony catches her and is about to kill her when Richard comes to her rescue.
A fight begins and as Tony and Richard fight for a fallen gun, Kelli pulls her own but can’t pull the trigger when she has the chance.
Finally as Tony is about to deliver a killing blow to Richard, Kelli manages to shot Tony. Richard reads Tony his rites, arrests him announcing he’s an FBI Special Agent.
The wrap up: Richard gives Tony To Detective Aldrich for the murder charges then celebrates at the restaurant revealing any part of the theft not previously uncovered piece by piece by Kelli. -
Rod’s Mystery Sequence
I learned I was trying to find situations because I only has a two line concept until the light bulb finally lit. That’s the purpose of this whole class: to develop all the levels that build to MIS of that concept, thus becoming the MIS outline for writing the script. Now I’m banging out mysteries as I go. Are they all perfect? Will they all fit? I’m find out as the lessons continue.
Again, Wow!What is the big secret the Villain’s covering up? Theft of government contracting secrets being used for mob profit is discovered and evidence stolen, placed on a micro chip that the mob boss (villain) must recover and terminate those involved.
How many ways can he cover that secret? - Kill the thief.
Find the stolen disc then kill the recipient (the hero, a waitress).
When the villain is unable to find the disc, he must set up a way to trick the waitress to return the disc before he kills her.
To further hide his operation, he sets up a red herring to blame a Senator’s office for the leaks. (The Senator becomes the red herring.)
When making a deal with the waitress won’t work the villain has her terrorized.
As the waitress starts investigating, he makes her suspected of being involved with the Senator’s office.
The Senator reveals that he’s been running his own investigation and announces the identity of the real thief.
The mob tries to kill the real thief before he can talk.
Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one. For now the sequencing flows as above.Create a mystery chain for each man mystery, including a red herring.
The main mystery:
A waitress receives the stolen micro chip.
Did she plan the theft?
What is she going to do with the information?
Will the villain kill her to get the chip back?
Can the villain keep the whole disaster quiet to save his profitable operation?
Mystery #2:The waitress (hero) discovers what’s on the chip. What will she do about it?
She lies about her background to the local detective.
Can she overcome her fear of getting someone else killed as happed in her past?
She lies about not knowing the Senator the investigation leads to.
Can she really find the answers and save her life?
Can she overcome her fear of the past?
Mystery #3:
Is the Senator (red herring) guilty?
Is he dealing with the mob to keep a failing business afloat?
He avoids the reporter.
Why is he not willing to be interviewed by the press?
Why are emails about the theft coming from his office computer?
Is the Senator hiding behind his own secret investigation of the thefts?
Is someone on his staff the supplier of stolen information?
If so can the Senator prove it?
The guilty person is discovered, the Senator is cleared.
Mystery #4:
The mob boss (villain) has connections to everyone involved. Is he pulling the strings?
The mob boss’ lackey is caught with the gun used to kill the original thief.
Can the boss isolate himself from the lackey?
The mob boss tries to find the supplier to kill him.
A police IT expert opens the file on the stolen chip—it points to the mob boss.
The mob boss tries to shoot his way free. He fails. -
Rod’s Villain has a great plan
This lesson taught me how to structure the villain’s plan, how it’s revealed and in what order. Also learned it’s a most important first step.
It was a particular challenge—far from complete—as I’m beginning with only a two line concept with a few characters and their situations in mind.
I’m confident that as building blocks continue this basic plan will expand into much more detail and definition. It’s an entirely new way for me to begin a script as I usually start with an opening scene and plow ahead. I can already see how this approach will build the entire structure making the script flow on it’s own. Incredible!
What is the end goal:To find a stolen micro chip before it gets exposed and to kill all those responsible, to keep the government secrets flowing and profitable for the mob.
How can the villain (Tony) accomplish that in a devious way. - When Tony learns the micro chip has been stolen the thief is killed. - Searches the receiving waitress’ (Kelli—protagonist) apartment who accidentally received the stolen chip. - Puts pressure on her boss (Billy) to find what she did with it. - Kills another waitress (Magen) who was the intended recipient of the chip. - Stalks the Kelli to see who she meets, where she goes. - Attempt to “accidentally” kill the police detective (Detective Aldrich) in charge of the murder cases.How can they cover it up?
Fake evidence of a Washington scandal involving a US Senator (Senator Blanding), making him a strong suspect (the red herring).
Black mailing an investigative reporter (Rachael) digging for information about this case.
Kidnap Kelli to get her to hand over the chip (before they kill her).
Kill the messenger/thief (Mickey).
Prevent Kelli from learning anything as she worked to solve the case and save her life.
Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.Kill Mickey in the opening scene.
Reveal hint of Washington scandal.
Blackmail Rachael.
Break in and trash Kelli’s apartment.
Kelli escapes a murder attempt.
Washington scandal reveals the Senator Blanding is heavily involved.
Kelli kidnapped, threatened with death (leads to finale). -
Rod’s Bourne Identity Stacking Suspense.
I did the Bourne Identity as mentioned in the video because I had it. My DVD of SOTL had not yeet arrived. (Have no streaming access.)
I found it a challenge to find all the MIS conventions and then a few in filling out the stacking chart, mostly how to separate story MIS and character MIS when they often seemed to be so closely intwined.
And as with Basic Instinct, almost every sequence contained as element of MIS. Although there wasn’t enough to write what I found the later sequences which moved fast but had several subjects covered so I broke them up into smaller sequences. Ended up with 63. And I’m sure I probably missed a number of conventions along the way.
Overall, this lesson was a great exercise to learn to identify thriller conventions and understand how the they are packed into a good script.
Amazing!
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Rod’s B1 Stacking Suspense
Examining Basic Instinct I learned to recognize the conventions of a thriller. Many were quite obvious but there were also many traits more subtle, an I missed an umber of them. I think one of my problems was that I’d seen the picture recently so I wasn’t surprised at the overall, bu did find many, many that I would have missed just watching the picture.
This lesson was revealing in how any conventions were in each scene!
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Rod’s World and Characters!
What I learned from this lesson:
To look deeply into the characters to identify their big mystery, intrigue and suspense, to fulfill the needs of the thriller genre.
(I also realized that having a Senator as a villain was a cliché, but with politics as they have been lately, he could be accepted as a red herring, thus the change.)The Concept:
A waitress, puzzled when she receives a micro chip with a tip, soon learns many dangerous people want it forcing her to use every skill she possesses to stay alive and take down the villain.The Big M.I.S.:
Big Mystery: What, or who is behind the micro chip?
Big Intrigue: Who is behind the micro chip and can that knowledge save Kellie’s life?
Big Suspense: Can Kellie stay alive till the villain is discovered and taken down?
The Intriguing world for this story:
The underground world where secrets are obtained and sold by persons who will kill anyone who threatens to disrupt their profits.The top three characters:
The Hero: Kellie Stafford.
A waitress who receives a micro chip with tip and is terrified as she fears people looking for it will kill her but manages to find the villain and take them down.
Big Mystery: Although scared to death, how does Kellie use her skills to find the villain?
Big Intrigue: Kellie stretches her problem solving skills more than she ever thought possible, manages to find the villain and take them down.
Big Suspense: Resourceful but out of her element, can Kellie find the villain before being killed?NOTE: This is a change from lesson 2.
The Red Herring: Senator John Sternum.
The Senator has deep financial problems and has been offered a way out by persons in the underworld.
Big Mystery: Is the Senator the source of stolen Pentagon secrets?
Big Intrigue: While leading an off-books investigation of the Pentagon’s stolen documents is the Senator actually building a cover for his own activities?
Big Suspense: Can Senator Sternum find the true thief before a case builds against him that destroys his reputation, family and career… or even get him killed?The Villain: Eric Stonebridge.
A high level Pentagon civilian employee is forced to repay a large debt to the mob by stealing government secrets. The mob will protect their enterprise by killing anyone who gets in the way, including Eric.
Big Mystery: How did Eric get into such a situation and is there a way out for him?
Big Intrigue: When Eric realizes the he has become a thief and traitor, does he accept his guilt or can he find a way out:
Big Suspense: If he choses, can Eric find a way out without costing the lives of his family and probably his own? -
Rod’s Big M.I.S.
I learned from this lesson that conventions of the story must be established before the BIG M.I.S. can be established.
I slightly revised the concept as the original was too loose.
Revised Concept: A waitress, puzzled when she receives a micro chip with a tip, soon learns many dangerous people want it forcing her to use every skill she possesses to stay alive and take down the villain.What are the conventions of your story?
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Kellie Stafford, discovering the micro chip she’s been given, seeks someone for help to return it but soon learns just having the chip could cost her life. After going down several dead ends she finally uncovers the true villain and takes them down.
Dangerous Villain: With his company in serious financial trouble, Senator John Sternum borrowed from a questionable source and now has to sell them government secrets in settlement. His ruthless source will kill anyone in the way of their operation — including the Senator.
High Stakes: Kellie’s life, others near her, even the Senator’s is on the line.
Life and Death Situations: Kellie’s customer is killed upon leaving the restaurant; Kellie’s apartment is broken into and thoroughly searched; a near fatal chase; and more I haven’t created yet as Kellie fights back.This movie is thrilling because while Kellie fights back, her life and others are in constant danger as we slowly learn the underlying motives and relationships leading to an edge-of-the-seat climax.
The Big M.I.S.
Big Mystery: What, or who is behind the micro chip?
Big Intrigue: Who is behind the micro chip and can that knowledge save Kellie’s life?
Big Suspense: Can Kellie stay alive till the villain is discovered and taken down?
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Looks like it fixed itself — problem solve, we move on!
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Sorry for the line spacing, it was there in my original. Have to do some experimenting.
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Subject: Sorry, Wrong Number Thriller Conventions
I this lesson I learn how to discover the the Big Mystery, Intrigue and Suspense as well as those involving characters, the revealing of many layers, the twists and turns, all that we are studying in this course.
I currently only have off air TV so finding a suitable film of short notice has to come from my collection. I chose this old classic because it seemed to be more suited than the many “thrillers” with or supporting an action genre.
Good choice. It fit our conventions so closely this class could have been written about it. And afterward I had two great break-outs: 1) a woman in danger with a simple two line concept can really become a sensational thriller, and 2) I realised a visual approach for my story which I will try to weave in the script within the confines of a writers script.
I hope I can do it justice.
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: A bedridden woman, Leona who overhears a phone call by two men planning to murder a woman and tries to stop it but every path she tries leads nowhere. As she struggles her past begins to surface, her own terrible character, her husband trying to cope, his ex-girl friend, her demanding father. As the truth is revealed we learn the unexpected about each, our loyalties constantly shifting with more surprises and reveals until her husband goes his own direction, beginning to with a mysterious stranger and finally his involvement with a gangster, his plot to kill his wife, his desperate attempt to reverse that course at the last minute.
Dangerous Villain: A gangster, Morano, finally revealed as the man behind the husband’s crooked activity near the very end, but has been doing his work through a mysterious stranger.
Life and death situations: Leona overhears a phone conversation of two men planning to murder a women at 11:15. As the layers are pulled away we learn she’s much different than she seemed originally, a how the other characters in her life led to the current situation. Our loyalty kept changing from one to another as their layers were revealed keeping us tightly engaged yet wondering which of these characters was what, pulling us to the edge of our seats, as Leona discovers at the last minute that she’s the intended victim.
This movie is thrilling because while we begin with support for Leona trying to stop a crime she keeps pulling us deeper into the tangle of her background, her husband, her millionaire father, her husband’s former girl friend and a mysterious stranger. Our loyalties are on a roller coaster ride as twist, turns, and layers reveal more of each character’s truth each slowly dragging us to the edge of our seats at the screaming end.
The Big Mystery: can Leona find the woman victim in the phone call and save her life?
The Big Intrigue: All the layers, twist, turns, surprises exposed about the background story, with each character revealed and how they change with interaction of events, shifting our hopes, loyalties in a blender. It’s almost hard to keep score!
The Big Suspense: How will it end? Can Leona stop the crime? How do all the other relationships play out, who is — or are — really the villian(s)? Each time you cheer you learn you’re backing looser!
Additional comments:
We are emotionally challenged, slowly engaged then dragged deeper and deeper to edge-of-the-seat panic and exhaustion at the climax.
We don’t learn about the murder until near the end of the second act and meet then real villain, Murano, then
We enter the story just before the end.
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Rod Cavin. I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Rod Cavin
I’ve written over twenty screenplays, originals, adatations and re-writes. Two Originals optioned, one produced that was a writing assignment from the producer.
Took the old thriller course but am very impressed by the new depth and subject matter of this new one so am looking forward to learneing a lot of new ways to create a high level thriller.
Have been in production most of my life beginning in live television then into film production. Have a few assistant director and 2nd unit director credits on a few lessor features (most uncredited on IMDb). Spent most of my career in industrial films as director or cinematographer. Now that I’vce outlived my producers I’m mostly into writing.
Very much looking forward to this class. -
Rod’s Marketing Campaign
This lesson has taught me how to plan a marketing campaign that fit’s my circumstances.
I’ve selected campaign #1, can’t travel but can market.
My plan of action is to search out warm market small producers working in my genre and budget range and email query letters to them. I’ll probably do small batches at a time and see what results, then adjust the query letter as needed to improve results. I will improve my social network presence building on my produced credit as the picture has won dozens of contests around the world as best picture, director, cast, editing and writing.I am already redeveloping my warm market producer list — part of the delay in getting this lesson finished — and sorting through the list to find thrillers involving real people overcoming their threatening environments, made by producers who have had at least moderate successes in previous films. (I don’t see much buying potential in first time producers who have made very poor pictures and films which have returned less that one percent of production costs world-wide!)
Overall, this has been one of the most important classes I’ve taken from SU. I has impressed upon me the importance of building the pitches on the story’s hooks, so strongly that I believe in the importance of the pitch guiding the development of the script or even preceding it.
I apologize that outside elements have disrupted my timely completion of this class, but it couldn’t be helped.
Finally I thank Hal for the thoroughness of this and all the SU courses in covering the essentials of the subject matter as it applies in today’s world. Since I began with SU in 2013, I’ve notices a number of other screen writer’s group pushing lessons similar SU although I’ve never looked into their approach to the subject. Why bother when I’ve studied it from the best!
Thank you Hal.
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Rod’s Query Letter Draft Three.
Learning more from feedback.
(Subject line if emailed: Script offered by produced screenwriter)
Hi (name)
Your life changes when you find a naked, traumatized girl locked in a burnt out car.
Abandoned To Die is a contained drama/thriller.
While Lisa recovers, Brad conceals his own past as he works to gain her trust—but just as she’s ready to reveal her attacker, she learns Brad could be a serial rapist killer!
Brad overcomes her fears and persuades her to reveal who tried to kill her. But Brad’s investigation proves the man she named died two years ago.
Brad finally gets the whole truth from her but before he can get her to safety the killer strikes, kidnaps Lisa and takes Brad down. How can he overcome his serious injuries, save Lisa and take the killer down?
BIO: Rod Cavin is a produced writer on assignment of feature film AMERICAN WISPER (aka WISPER), which has won 60+ festival awards, including two for best screenplay. For this script, he joins forces with writer-producer Stephanie K. Deal.
Thank you for your consideration.
Rod and Steph
Rod Cavin
rodcavin@gmail.com/plus email/phone/address/IMDb and LinkedIn links.Same for Steph.
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Rod’s Query Letter Draft Two.
I’m so many days behind, I don’t know if I’ll hear from anyone so charged ahead with more editing to make the hooks sharper.
Revised query letter the second time around.
(Subject line if emailed: Script offered by produced screenwriter)
Hi (name)
Your life changes when you find a naked girl locked in a burnt out car.
Recovering, Lisa, terrified to reveal her deadly secret, begins to trust Brad then learns he could be worse than her attacker and tries to escape.
Brad stops her, reveals his real credentials and she finally reveals her attacker.
But Brad knows she lied. The man she named died two years ago.
Then the killer strikes, kidnaps Lisa and takes Brad down. And Lisa is given a choice.
Does she give in to a sex-crazed killer to save her life?
Abandoned To Die (a contained drama/thriller). If you like the concept, we’ll be happy to send the script.
BIO: Rod Cavin is a produced writer on assignment of feature film AMERICAN WISPER (aka WISPER), which has won 60+ festival awards, including two for Best Screenplay. For this script, he joins forces with writer-producer Stephanie K. Deal.
Thank you,
Rod and StephRod Cavin
rodcavin@gmail.com/plus email/phone/address/IMDb and LinkedIn links.Same for Steph.
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Rod’s Query Letter Draft One.
In this lesson I learned to tighten the query letter and concentrate on the story hooks.
Revised query letter:
(Subject line if emailed: Script offered by produced screenwriter)
Hi (name)
Your life changes when you find a naked girl in a burnt out car.
Recovering, Lisa, being terrified to tell Brad who tried to kill her, finally trusts him enough to confess then learns Brad could be a rapist/killer.
And Brad discovers the killer she named died two years ago.
Then the killer strikes, kidnaps Lisa, sets a trap for Brad. Seriously injured, can Brad recover enough to save Lisa and take down the killer?
Abandoned To Die (a contained drama/thriller). If you like the concept, we’ll be happy to send the script.
BIO: Rod Cavin is an award winner and produced writer of feature film AMERICAN WISPER (aka WISPER), which has won 60+ festival awards, including two for Best Screenplay. For this script, he joins forces with writer-producer Stephanie K. Deal.
Thank you,
Rod and StephRod Cavin/email/phone/address/IMDb and LinkedIn links.
Same for Steph.
I’m still catching up. Anyone want to critique?
rodcavin@gmail..com
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Rod’s Target Market
This lesson verifies that this technique taught in my old ProSeries class if still valid. And it’s a great way to develop and warm market list in a hurry.
As is obvious, I’ve become behind in these lessons due to outside life interference. I thought this would be a good time for this course, but events have overwhelmed me.
I’ve previously developed over 200 warm marker leads for this script but in checking research of the starter films, I’ve thoroughly screwed up. All their budgets are way out of line for this script. I have to start over from scratch and, not wanting to get further behind, I’m going to move on as I know the technique well.
1.
Title: Abandoned To DieLogline: Left to die, rescued by a man she’s about to trust with her life until she learns he could be more dangerous than the psychopathic killer she’s running from who suddenly attacks, determined to kill them both.
Genre: Drama/thriller
2. Re-takes in the future.
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Rod’s Phone Pitch
Strategies: Lead with credibility.
Script: Hi, I’m a produced writer and I’d like to give you a one-line pitch.
(If okay):
Your whole life changes when you find a naked girl in a burnt out car.
(If negative):
Thank you.Answers to questions:
Budget: 1 to 5 million.Cast: No cast in mind, suggest this will be the producer’s decision depending on availability when shooting dates are set.
Script length: 90 pages.
Who’s seen this: No one. Wanted to give you the first look.
Why this company: Your company has a good track record with this genre and I like the production values in your films.
Ending: Believing Brad is dead Lisa gives in to the villain’s sexual desires since the opening scene but at the last minute she sees Brad alive, armed, struggling toward them. She inflicts distracting pain on the villain and Brad takes takes him out with a vengeance.
From this session I’ve learned how to construct a brief live pitch for making cold calls to a warm market producer.
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Corrected — forgot to note the payoff of end scene.
Rod’s Pitch Fest Pitch
From this lesson I learned to general a strong, short live pitch
Credibility: Produced writer from a paid writing assignment.
Genre & Title: Adventure/Thriller. Abandoned To Die
Hook: Your life changes when you find a naked girl in a burnt out car.
Budget range: Low, $500K to $5 million.
Suggested actors: This script wasn’t written with players in mind. At this budget level I presume it will be cast with the producer’s choice of cast member available when shooting is scheduled.
Story Acts:
Act 1. Brad rescues Lisa, and after learning she’s an old school friend, is determined to help her survive in spite of her secretive attitude.Act 2. Lisa finally reveals that she witnessed a popular businessman, Stoner, murder his wife. Before Brad can take her to safety, the villain attacks.
Act 3. Stoner kidnaps Lisa, Brad is shot in the ensuing chase but manages to take Stoner down with several shots and one for good measure.
End (setup) Believing Brad is dead Lisa gives in to Stoner’s desires but when she sees Brad struggling toward them (payoff) she inflicts sudden pain on Stoner and dives clear to give Brad a clean shot, several in fact, and one for good measure.
Credibility: I am a produced writer working with that producer to tailor the script to his production concept. Previously I’ve written 20 scripts, come original (two optioned) and adapted from short stories, books, ghost written and done a number of re-writes.
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Rod’s Pitch Fest Pitch
From this lesson I learned to generate a strong, short live pitch.
Credibility: Produced writer from a paid writing assignment.
Genre & Title: Adventure/Thriller. Abandoned To Die
Hook: Your life changes when you find a naked girl in a burnt out car.
Budget range: Low, $500K to $5 million.
Suggested actors: This script wasn’t written with players in mind. At this budget level I presume it will be cast with the producer’s choice of cast member available when shooting is scheduled.
Story Acts:
Act 1. Brad rescues Lisa, and after learning she’s an old school friend, is determined to help her survive in spite of her secretive attitude.Act 2. Lisa finally reveals that she witnessed a popular businessman, Stoner, murder his wife. Before Brad can take her to safety, the villain attacks.
Act 3. Stoner kidnaps Lisa, Brad is shot in the ensuing chase but manages to take Stoner down with several shots and one for good measure.
End (setup) Believing Brad is dead Lisa gives in to Stoner’s desires but when she sees Brad struggling toward them she inflicts sudden pain on Stoner and dives clear to give Brad a clean shot.
Credibility: I am a produced writer working with that producer to tailor the script to his production concept. Previously I’ve written 20 scripts, come original (two optioned) and adapted from short stories, books, ghost written and done a number of re-writes.
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Rod’s Query Letter
What I learned from this lesson to to hone down the synopsis even shorter for an attention getting query letter. I found this lesson’s approach more of an attention grabber for a producer than I learned in the ProSeries some years ago. Much stronger.
(Subject line if emailed: Script offered by produced screenwriter)
Hi (name)
Your life changes when you find a naked girl in a burnt out car.
Recovering, Lisa is terrified to tell Brad who tried to kill her, or why. Brad considers letting the Sheriff sort her out but after learning she’s an old school girlfriend is determined to help her in spite of herself. But she’s not the only one with secrets. Just as Lisa decides to trust him she discovers he may be a rapist killer.
Brad is forced to confess his secrets in explanation and coaxes Lise to reveal the murder she witnessed. Then the killer strikes, kidnaps Lisa, sets a trap for Brad. Seriously injured, can Brad recover enough to save Lisa and take down the killer?
Abandoned To Die (a contained drama/thriller). If you like the concept, we’ll be happy to send the script.
BIO: Rod Cavin is an award winner and produced writer of feature film AMERICAN WISPER (aka WISPER), which has won 60+ festival awards, including two for Best Screenplay. For this script, he joins forces with writer-producer Stephanie K. Deal.
Thank you,
Rod and StephRod Cavin/email/phone/address/IMDb and LinkedIn links.
Same for Steph.
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Rod’s Synopsis Hooks
I learned from this lesson to build a synopsis from the hooks of the story.
Abandoned To Die
Lisa runs for her life from a killer but looses the race and Stoner, her captive, shoves her in an old car’s trunk, sets it on fire and lets the flames finish the job.
Opening scene hook
Stoner fails. Brad finds her still alive, treats her but in fear of her life, she refuses to tell him who tried to kill her or why. Brad learns Lisa was an old school girlfriend, but as their friendship warms, she still refuses to reveal her deadly secret. Brad considers letting the Sheriff sort her out, but being an old friend, he’s determined to help her in spite of herself.
Twist/hook.
But Lisa’s not the only one with secrets. As she begins to trust Brad she discovers he could be a worse murderer than Stoner. Every way she looks, she stares death in the face.
Midpoint twist/hook.
Brad is forced to confesses his secret to Lisa in explanation, then coaxes her to reveal that Stoner wants her dead because she saw him murder his wife.
Reveal/hook.
Then Stoner strikes. A desperate, cornered animal, he kidnaps Lisa and sets a trap for Brad. Hurt in the ensuing brawl, can Brad survive, save Lisa and take down Stoner?
Surprise twist/hook.
Running on adrenaline and former training, Brad can’t refuse to try. Will they have a future? -
Rod’s High Concept Elevator Pitch.
Big picture of lead character’s journey: Rescued, desperately needing help, wanting to trust someone but terrified that revealing her deadly secret could cost her life.
How to tell it in a most interesting way:
Dilemma: Fear of being killed.
Main Conflict: Afraid to reveal what she saw.
What’s at stake: Her life.
Goal/unique Opposition: To survive.Elevator pitch: A terrified witness desperately needs help but if she asks for it she could be killed.
From this lesson I learned to determine the strongest hook of the story and present it in a quick, powerful way.
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Rod’s Ten Most Interesting Things
Specific hooks.
Most unique. The villain is a charismatic businessman but in reality is a sex crazed psychopathic killer. The character of the hero is uncertain until midway, adding to our victim’s fear of reprisal.
Major hook. The victim almost escapes from the villain but caught and left to die.
Turning points. The hero discovers the victim’s identity and decides to help hep her.
Emotional dilemma. The victim is afraid to trust anyone with her deadly secret as her life depends on it.
Major twist. After the victim finally confides in the hero, the story suddenly twists into a fight for life and the villain attacks.
Reversals. The victim just begins to trust the hero when she discovers he may be worse than the villain.
Character betrayals. The victim’s trust suddenly destroyed when she learns he, too, could kill her.
Big surprises. The victim discovers the body of the villain’s young mistress.Additional producer interest.
Intensity of the opening chase.
The reveal of the victim’s deadly secret.
Finding the Sheriff dead.
I think the above are the ten most interesting things.From this session I learning to teach out the most interesting things in the script from the producer’s viewpoint but ten items seems a lot like a book report. I assume we’ll learn how to condense these into a tighter pitch presentation in future lessons.
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Rod’s Producer/Manager
I would introduce myself to a producer as a previously produced writer, offering Abandoned To Die an adventure/suspense story that fits his/her genre and budget with audience appeal. I would listen to their comments and respond letting them know also that I’ve written and re-written from producer’s calls and notes before and I’m willing to work with them in any manner to get the picture made.
For a manager I would introduce myself in the same manner, then pitch the story similar to the producer’s pitch then emphasize that I’ve worked with the several producers in the past and that I am developing several larger budget scripts with experience developing scripts from producer’s notes, doing adaptations from books and short stories and re-writes.
What I learned today were the differences between the producer’s and manager’s requirements from a writer and how to make a pitch to each to meet their needs.
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Rod’s Marketable Components
I think this script is bests marketed with Uniqueness, and Ultimate. I’ve re-written the logline to emphasis these points.Logline (revised): Left to die, rescued by a man she’s about to trust with her life until she learns he could be more dangerous than the psychopathic killer she’s running from who suddenly attacks, determined to kill them both.
Unique – The twists and turns creating doubts about the rescuer, the truthfulness of the victim, or the exact problem until it’s revealed then explodes into the final life and death conflict.
Title: – Seems to reveal the genre and story easily.
True: – N/A
Timely: – Set now, appealing for its lower budget considerations, otherwise N/A.
It’s a first: – N/A
Ultimate: – Her life is on the line, and later, her rescuer’s.
Wide audience appeal: – It’s in a genre that the large segment of the ticket buyers attend.
Adapted from a popular book: – N/A.
Similarity to a box-office success: – Its different from most current low budget contained scripts so I’m not sure there’s a comparison.
A great role for a bankable actor: – N/A.The logline – pitch – has been re-written to bring these two components forward, but will continue to strengthen it without it becoming a paragraph. The expanded pitch could mention the imbedded love story development which brings the leads to a trust/support relationship but the story could survive without it.
The threat of death is pretty ultimate and is pushed stronger as the audience learns more about the antagonist.
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Rod Cavin, Project and Market.
First a disclaimer: This script was written by myself and co-writer Stephanie Deal. We teamed after critiquing each other in an earlier SU class, and it has worked out very well.
Genre: Adventure/Suspense
Title: Abandoned To Die
Concept: Saved from death a woman is about to reveal her deadly secret to her rescuer when she learns he could be more dangerous that the psychotic killer who’s stalking her. After that problem is resolved, the killer attacks and the couple must fight for their lives.I plan to target producers first. This is a low budget, contained script, a little different than the usual offerings, which can be adapted to different settings, varying budgets and flexible casting levels. It’s not a “star” picture, so locking in such a player limits the producer’s options.
What I learned today: This lesson revealed the absolute importance of proper marketing and especially the importance of all matters pertaining to the script must be from the buyer’s perspective. It must be a property to meet the buyer’s needs.
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Rod Cavin
Hi everyone. I’ve written around twenty scripts, originals, adaptations, assignments; had two optioned, one produced.
From this class I want to sharpen my marketing to the max to get some scripts to market under the best possible circumstances.
I’ a senior, senior citizen but I’m still loooking to the future. Most of my career I worked in TV and film and production, mostly director and director of photography on industrials, with work on some features, mostly assistant director; 2nd unit director; most credits never made it to IMDb, Then there was the biggest feature I worked on, Florida locations for Warner Bros The Right Stuff. No credit though, not a foot was shot in Florida. That’s show biz! One 2nd unit and a writing credit did make it to IMDb, And a TV pilot I directed under my full name, Rodney E.
Looking forward to this learning journey,, one of the most important of all of SU’s classes for the serious writer.
See you iin the forums.
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Rod Cavin – I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Rod Cavin – I agree to the terms of this release form.