[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Synopsis

Title: Mosquito Squadron

Written by Ron Berti

Genre: WWII combat story

What do you do when you answer your country’s call of duty, and you put your life on the line, but nobody and nothing is cooperating – especially the hardware – and you find yourself taking big risks without much chance of success?

Our hero goes to PT boat RON5 in the 1943 Solomons to sink the Tokyo Express in The Slot. There he has to confront the IJN but also his own command structure AND weapons of marginal utility.

He is largely unsuccessful in achieving his mission until the mission literally changes around him, at which time he takes advantage, turning his PT boat into a gunboat and experiences significant success at sinking Japanese assets, now armored barges instead of destroyers.

List of Hooks:

American GI with defective hardware

close quarters, high speed, nighttime naval combat

use of WWII references – “Tokyo Express”, “The Slot”

What I learned doing this assignment: if the key is the “little attention getter” of sales technique fame, then the dilemma must be describable in exquisitely brief fashion. If the key is getting “permission” to keep telling the story, one must allude to the visual feast of high speed, close quarters naval combat in WWII. If the key is ticking a curiosity to learn more about the script, it ought to help to refer to known phrases “Tokyo Express”, “the slot”. I’m not entirely happy with my performance on this lesson, yet. But I think I have a beginning to a start of understanding. Long way to go.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s 10 Most Interesting Things

A. There are layers of villains here: the entire Imperial Japanese Navy is the obvious one. But there’s also incompetent “leadership” of the squadron, and there’s the “villainy” of sending men into battle with defective equipment.

B. We go from dark and ambiguous to full on high speed, close-quarters attack in the first 60 seconds of the movie. All hell breaks loose – the scene opens the movie.

C. Our hero has multiple scrapes with death due to the unreliability of the torpedoes as well as the ambiguities and “fog” of war. The turning points flow from that. The BIG turning point occurs late in the movie, when Japan stops sending destroyers and starts sending armed barges, which destroys the utility of the torpedoes and the captains can turn their vessels into gunboats, where they become significantly more effective.

D. The emotional dilemma is this: how long does our hero keep putting his men on his boat and going out to sink destroyers when he knows his weapons are marginal?

E. The Big Twist is that our hero doesn’t have to change, much. He is given a new mission because the enemy changes his tactics in a way that makes our hero and his crew and weapons systems MORE relevant.

F. Haven’t figured out a quality reversal here.

G. The whole point is the “betrayal” of a weapon.

H. Big surprise is when the Japanese go to barges.

What I learned writing this lesson: still fermenting this lesson. I see the point, am struggling a bit to apply those ideas to my script. But I’m slowly getting there. It’s changing how I describe the nature of the script.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Producer/Manager

Selling to Producer: I’d focus on producers who like making WWII movies – Spielberg? Hanks? so there’s an established interest in WWII movies. I’d pitch this as one more facet of that war, one whose story has not been told except once, in 1945. This is a “new wine in an old bottle” kind of pitch. In addition, I’d argue this could be a real opportunity for a quality producer to highlight one of Hollywood’s as-yet ignored up-and-comers, actually half a dozen of them, as movies like U571 or Saving Private Ryan did (no star salaries).

Selling to Manager: At 76, I’m not sure I’ve got a “Career” ahead of me, so I imagine it’d largely be a waste of time to focus on a manager. I think I’d be better off focused on going directly to producers. Still, I have other “true from WWII stories” such as the attack on the Nazi heavy water plant in Norway, attacked by young Norweigians after training in the UK, or the secret landing strip built out of the wood a mile or two from a Nazi encampment in Yugoslavia. So maybe there’s more than one movie in me after all – but they’ll all be about WWII.

What I learned today: I’m probably better off focused on producers instead of managers, who are presumably looking for younger talent whose work represents potential income for a lot longer than one script. And I’m probably better off focused on producers who like/have made WWII movies in the past, especially successful ones.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Marketable Components

1. current logline: a young Naval officer learns how to cope with the unforgiving nature of warfare during WWII

2. Two key selling points:

A. Like other successful WWII movies – there seems to be an infinite interest in WWII. We’ve seen Band of Brothers, The Pacific, soon Masters of the Air; we’ve seen Saving Private Ryan, U571, Greyhound, Fury. This is one more facet in a broad war, the PT boats used to intercept Japanese shipping in the Solomons.

B. Unique – nobody has told this story on film for 60 years. Also, it can be visually stunning. Imagine an 80′ boat, powered by 4500 hp, doing ~45 knots, throwing a huge rooster tail behind it.

3, Elevated Pitch: While there have been lots of successful WWII movies, this one is unique among them, telling the story of long-forgotten men who took wooden boats out in the dark to attack ships 10 times their size – and with poor quality weapons at that!

What I learned doing this assignment: that a “list of minor selling points does not equal one KILLER selling point”. I will keep this in mind going forward, because my tendency would be to amass points. Now I see I have to be a lot more focused on one or two.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Project and Market

Genre: Action/War

Title: Mosquito Squadron

Concept: a young PT boat captain learns how to “break things and kill the enemy” during WWII in the Solomons. He goes from being a boy to a man by facing death and avoiding it.

What’s attractive: few movies about the PT boats – “They Were Expendable”, “PT109” (not so much about the boats but focused on JFK), “McHale’s Navy” (a comedy TV series). And my protagonists are compelling! They were, pound for pound, the most heavily armed warships of their era, although lousy torpedoes made their utility suspect until Japan stopped using destroyers in the Solomons. As the war changed around them, the PTs became gunboats and came into their own.

I think I’ll start with major producers – Hanks and Spielberg, perhaps (“aim high”) on the grounds that productions like Band of Brothers or the Pacific or (coming soon!) Masters of the Air take enormous resources to produce. No point in going to smaller outfits, I don’t think. Even if they like the script, they will struggle to get the resources required to do this movie really well, and if I can’t do it well, I don’t want to do it at all.

What I learned in today’s lesson: there is a separate expertise in getting one’s script made into a movie. The program here is built to teach us how to acquire those skills (who to target for presentations, how to present, etc). Can’t wait.

[Ron Berti]

Ron Berti. I have parts of my first script, but that’s it. I finally feel like with what I’ve learned from you that I can do justice to the story I want to tell – that of the WWII PT boats. My dad was on a late version (1944) but the real action for the PTs was 1943. So my script is focused on 1943.

I’m looking forward to learning about marketing scripts because I’m trying to be realistic, but I want my script to be so good it deserves some audiences with producers.

[Ron Berti]

I, Ron Berti, agree to this Confidentiality Agreement.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Level 3 Action Emotions

What I learned doing this lesson was fascinating. I focused on this assignment on intercutting other stage emotions from the prior two lessons, just to mix it up. These are the most intense scenes, of course, the reason people came to the theater. I can see how the roller coaster analogy works: the action must ebb and swell, it should be a series of threats whose intensity varies from time to time. I am thinking of the quiet spaces in other WWII movies like Saving Private Ryan or Fury (one of my favorite WWII movies).

One thing I didn’t try in this first draft was the other intercutting, that between interior and exterior views of the battles in John Wick. I can see where that would add some interest, seeing both sides of a fight. On a second draft, I will probably write this with interspersed views of the Japanese sailors on the barges, watching these wooden-and-thus-vulnerable vessels attacking them with all they’ve got, using speed as a weapon. Maybe add some rain squalls……………….

Here’s today’s lesson.

SETUP: for several weeks now, the Tokyo Express destroyers have cut way back on activity. Tonight we’re out on the water again on the 129, with Cuccinelli at the helm. It’s pretty quiet at 0212, pitch black, quiet. The 129 is idling half a mile off the coast of an island.

SUSPENSE: then, the radar operator calls out something new. Not a fast mover coming down the slot, but 3 (or 4?) smaller blips, coming slowly, hugging the island shorlines, 3 or 4 miles away. What are these things? Are they ours or theirs?

EXCITEMENT/SUSPENSE: skipper orders boat out in the bay, quietly, so we have these things pinned up against the islands. Still no idea what they are.

SURPRISE: skipper confirms through binoculars – there they are, emerging from the gloom. 4 low-slung barges, piddling along at ~10 knots. Clearly low draft vehicles, torpedoes will be useless, which is actually kind of a relief. Maybe this is a fight we can win.

SUSPENSE/FEAR: it’s 4:1, but we’re fast and they’re slow. Can we attack and be reasonably confident we’ll survive?

ADRENALINE/FEAR/DANGER: skipper powers up, boat is sweeping past all 4 barges at ~40 knots, tough for the barges to keep aim, while our guns rake fire relentlessly at the slow-moving objects with all we’ve got – two twin 50 cals, the Oerlikon and the new 37mm gun. At the end of the first sweep, can’t tell if we’ve done much damage. So skipper turns on a dime and takes us back for another sweep, this time from the rear. This time the gunners tear apart the rear barge, which ends up still in the water and with flames starting in the open deck. Three more to go!

SURPRISE: barges are armored, they take a beating (this is new news). But we’re giving them hell. And they shoot back with their own 50 cal machine guns – we’re wood, remember? Skipper decides this is a golden opportunity but we’re not going to have enough ammo. Solution? Invite more PTs. Orders radioman to send 2 letter Morse code to bring more PTs (defying orders). Will they show up in time to take out these new threats or are we going to have to let them go because we’re out of ammo?

SUSPENSE/ADRENALINE: We continue raking the barges, our speed advantage is paying off, although we’re taking some hits ourselves. Makes us wish we weren’t carrying all the weight of the torpedoes.

UNEXPECTED SUPPORT: eventually we can see and hear 2 PTs coming to us from ~10 miles away. They’re clearly moving fast, and they can clearly see the tracers we’re sharing with the Japanese. They’re coming! We continue raking the barges, now there are two that appear to be listing. We’re winning but slowly.

ANXIETY: “Skipper, we’re running low on ammo”. But we keep pouring everything we’ve got into the barges.

UNEXPECTED SUPPORT: they’re here! And with plenty of ammo, they continue to batter the barges. One of the two that were listing sinks altogether, the second one seems to be right behind it. The fourth one is dead in the water, no action, crew probably dead. Where’d that first one go?

ANXIETY: somehow, in the fight, the first barge has gotten away. We can’t see it in the dark. Ah, but the 129 has radar! All lay quiet for a few minutes. Skipper sends a crew to see what’s worth salvaging on the barge that hasn’t sunk. Three crew get on the barge, looking for anything useful (food, ammo).

SURPRISE: One Japanese on the barge is still alive. He shoots one crewman but is immediately shot dead himself by another crewman. Crew finds some hand grenades but little food, ammo is useless, wrong caliber. But there’s sake!

ANXIETY: crew returns to 129, awaits next steps.

EXCITEMENT: The 129’s radar shows movement about a mile away, emerging out from behind an island. Skipper calls in to the 152 with a heading and a distance and the 152 leaps out of the water, followed by the 155, and they go chase their prey.

SUSPENSE: we watch, low on ammo, as our mates chase off after the last barge moving. From a distance we see a furball for about 90 seconds and then it all goes quiet. Moments later, we hear our friends returning to us. Within a few minutes, we’re all together in the firelight of the last barge.

RELIEF: All three boats, 129, 152 and 155 use their remaining ammo to sink the barge. All four barges sunk, Captain! After a sake toast, time to get back to base.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Level 2 Action Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment is that the suspense/surprise/shock sequence can be very useful in “upsetting” the audience, not letting them settle in to some attitudes about the circumstances. We have to shake them up, this is an ACTION FLICK. The first batch (anxiety,fear, relief) are useful tools in our kit bag to accomplish this task. So is this sequence (suspense, surprise, shock). Both can be used to put a “bump” in the story, to redirect the momentum of the scene, to not allow our audience to become complacent about our characters, the risks they’re taking, and how things are likely to turn out.

Outline of scene using Surprise, Shock and Suspense

This is from my Second Turning Point

SURPRISE: it’s dawn, we’ve pulled the 129 in under a canopy near an island to give the mechs some time to get the port engine running better. Suddenly

SURPRISE: An Avenger swoops over the 129, doesn’t see us. Low altitude, high speed, trailing smoke.

SECOND SURPRISE: moments later, the Avenger is being pursued by a Zero

SUSPENSE: Are we going to go to aid the Avenger? (doesn’t last long)

We’re out on the water, a little gimpy for the port engine, but firing away at the Zero. Eventually the Avenger goes down in the water, followed shortly by the Zero. We approach both sites to look for survivors.

SURPRISE: one crew member is alive, the rear seat gunner, kid from LA.

SUSPENSE: is the Zero pilot still alive?

We drive over to find out. He is, glaring at our crew, floating in a blow-up dinghy.

SUSPENSE: what are going to do with this guy? Some argue for taking him back to Rendova, but there’s no brig there. Some just want to shoot him, but that’s unlawful.

SURPRISE: The Avenger rear seat gunner speaks Japanese!

SHOCK: we hear one shot offscreen. We turn around and our hero is standing on the deck of the 129 with the Thompson in his hands. A little wisp of smoke is emerging from the barrel. As we look over at the pilot, he’s still scowling, maybe more than before, but his blow-up dinghy has a new hole in it, and he’s already have submerged into the water.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Likeability/Empathy/Justification

What I learned doing this assignment: These were rich fields. I have been aware for a while now that my hero needed to face moral dilemmas, perhaps “duty” VS “helping out a fellow captain – who he owes – through, say, doing something outside the book. And I loved the idea of “undeserved misfortune”. This has me thinking more deeply about the details of my script, exactly which story elements will I use to bond my hero to the audience?

Fair to say, the illustrations and examples (John Wick, Salt) seem perfect and mine don’t. Yet. I guess that’s why there’s rewrites.

Likeability/Loveability

1. Hero steps up -real time – when boat captain sidelined by wounds. Demonstrates courage and leadership.

2. We learn that he’s a working class kid among a bunch of college grads, even millionairesm celebrities. He can be forgiven for being a little intimidated by his peers.

3. our hero is a Naval Officer on the US side in WWII

4. Even handed while making trade for 37mm gun (choice of two, an older, marginally helpful one and a newer, salvaged from an Aerocobra, much better). Seeks win/win.

Empathy/Distress

1. Lost his older brother at Pearl, hasn’t heard from other brother in Europe for months

2. Trying to lead in a war zone with inadequate equipment (torpedoes)

3. CO isn’t listening to him about the lousy torpedoes; orone to chewing the hero out for minor infractions (“undeserved misfortune”).

4. Loses his boat to FNG Lt (hero’s an Ensign); has to “train his own replacement”; embarrassing, annoying.

5. Wears his father’s watch (a vet of WWI).

6. Miserable conditions living in the Solomons – the whole crew is accepting this, lousy chow, heat and humidity, bugs and other critters.

Justification

1. CO isn’t listening to his complaints about inadequacy of torpedoes

2. Wants to be accepted in Inner Circle of captains, generally most successful in the squadron (and why IS that?)

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Story Map

What I learned writing this assignment: Up to now I have felt like I was “building the pieces” of a jigsaw puzzle. Now I am seeing how to put them together. Sorta kinda. Boy, there’s a LOT to this process.

Opening:

Action 1: attack in dark

Mission 1: attack unsuccessful

Inciting Incident:

Mission 2: hero complains about torpedoes in briefing

Villain 1: CO makes excuses

First Turning Point:

A2: second night-time attack

M3: again, unsuccessful.

A3: wait, maybe not? Was that our torpedo that sunk that destroyer?

Midpoint:

A4: nighttime approach to island, light signals, rubber boats, attempt to rescue coast watcher

M4: partly successful mission: got the coastwatcher out alive, but lost his radio; and one crewman KIA and one wounded in event

Second Turning Point:

A5: 129 helps knock out a Zero but Avenger lost anyway.

M5: In picking up survivors from Avenger, meet Garcia, rear seat gunner from LA

A6: need to decide what to do with pilot

V1: pilot scowls at 129 crew.

A7: decision made how to treat pilot.

Crisis:

V2: tonight, two destroyers in close proximity

M6: to even odds, skippers have a technique for communicating in the dark

A8: furball ensues

Climax:

V3: enemy has utterly changed tactics

M7: 129 crew will need to adapt real-time to changed circumstances

A9: even bigger furball, 5 barges sunk, one PT has to be towed back to Rendova.

Resolution:

V4: now we’re entering enemy strongholds

M8: simultaneous attacks on 4 barge bases

A10: all four bases destroyed

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Villain Track

A. What is the Villain’s plan? Cuccinelli has two villains: the entire Japanese Imperial Fleet AND his incompetent/political CO. To the Japanese destroyers, the PTs are annoyances, pests. The average Japanese destroyer captain doesn’t know Cuccinelli, doesn’t care about him except to the extent he has to ensure that Cooch doesn’t keep him from HIS mission. They’re in conflict it IS a war) but it’s not personal, and it’s not constant. The conflict shows up every night out in “the slot”. Both parties are just doing their respective jobs, but can’t avoid conflict by the nature of their assignments. The nature of the villain’s “plan” is pre-existing, determined by the fact that Japan and the USA are at war.

As to the CO, he’s less a “villain” and more of an “impediment” to Cooch getting his job done. He demands unrealistic procedures that are bound to fail (radio silence, not believing the reports from his own crews and the valuing of BuOrd’s insistence that the torpedoes are fine, the problems are misapplication by the PT crews. He does not “necessarily” man ill for Cooch (or any of the other boat captains) but his insistence on doing things “by the book” does stand in the way of a successful operation. His “plan” is a reaction to Cooch and the other boat captains complaining about the poor quality of the torpedoes.

B. How might the villain attack? The IJN only comes in contact with the PTs every night, but in the dark, at speed. Basically the destroyers use their speed as an asset (albeit less than the PTs). They also have 5 inch guns that could tear apart a PT with one successful shot. There are also Japanese Air Force planes, especially at night, the infamous Kate bombers, who are there to protect the destroyers but remain close to invisible in the dark. Each incident is a brief meet/confront/recover process, extreme violence for short periods of time, in the dark. Consequently, the battles are shadowy things, almost “meta”. visibility is low, speed is high, danger is everywhere for all parties. It’s a dance, night after night. Very impersonal.

The CO sees his crew every afternoon in a briefing, just before the boats go out. Again, this is not an active “villain” situation, but the CO’s incompetence and narrow-mindedness creates a barrier to success in Cuccinelli’s mission. The techniques used by the CO are direct orders and rules of engagement, also dress-downs and social pressures. He’s not trying to attack or destroy our hero, but he is an impediment to his success. That, combined with the poor quality of the primary weapons system are the obstacles our hero must overcome.

C. What advantages does our villain have over our hero? The IJN destroyers have an overwhelming advantage in size (4X length, 10X weight, armored), plus plenty of armaments. They’re fast too (but so are the PTs). Also, the destroyers are supported by aircraft and this IS enemy territory. They come every night, one or two destroyers, every 24 hours, in the dark. There are a lot of them.

The CO has the advantage of superior rank AND the assignment as the squadron CO. He gets to make decisions about his squadron, the ROE, support for ongoing improvements in tactics and weapons systems (BuOrd continues to insist there’s nothing wrong with them).

D. Fitting end for the villain? For the IJN, our hero has to sink at least one destroyer, but in general, everything the IJN throws at PT129, whether it’s a destroyer, an aircraft or a barge.

Fitting end for the CO? Being relieved of command.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Mission Track

A. Our hero, Cuccinelli, is an undegreed Ensign in a squadron of achievers or at least prominence- all college graduates, even college quarterbacks, some rich kids. He particularly feels like he’s got to prove himself. His lack of pretense can be a plus, but it rubs the CO the wrong way.

B. Impossible goal: the mission for the entire squadron is to take out Japanese shipping in “the slot” of the Solomon Islands (an ideal, target-rich environment for the PTs). But not a lot of success has occurred yet, for some reason. It’s a tough task, the PTs’ targets are 4X longer and 10X heavier than the PTs themselves, they’re almost as fast, and they travel in the dark. Some of the PTs (1 in 4) have radar, a new invention, but our hero’s boat doesn’t have one. The CO (a secondary “villain” for his incompetence) has decreed radio silence during missions, which puts more obstacles in the way of our hero’s achieving his goals.

C. Internally, our hero feels like he has to prove himself among a squadron of real achievers, a sort of inferiority complex. Externally, he sees an elite group within the squadron (the only guys who have had any success, really) into which he longs for an invitation. Cooch knows if he’s accepted into the group it will be based on superior performance sinking IJN vessels, probably by finagling around the self-imposed constraints of the CO.

D. Cuccinelli must innovate to make up for the poor weapon quality (torpedoes) and the stifling orders of the CO. He learns that the insiders have developed a short Morse code to alert each other as to status while out in the dark – it’s not “quite” radio silence, but it’s only moments in the middle of significant battle chaos and it appears to work.

Clear Mission:

Motivation: Cuccinelli wants to be respected for his bravery and his success at sinking Japanese destroyers because he doesn’t have the background of the other boat captains, especially the college graduates, athletes and rich kids in the squadron. He wants to be recognized as a warrior by the most successful warriors in the squadron.

Inciting incident: OPENING SCENE Cooch is the XO on the 129 when its captain is disabled by shrapnel to the eyes. He steps up, continues the attack, releases 3 torpedoes in an exhilarating battle, but one of the torpedoes is evaded by the destroyer “combing” the torpedo (changing course abruptly), a second torpedo seems to disappear without any damage to the destroyer, and the third one hits the hull of the destroyer, perpendicular to the target, and fails to detonate. The destroyer continues on its way, Cuccinelli is pissed! This is dangerous work, how can command send us out here with torpedoes that don’t work? Further, in the process of trying to give his torpedoes the best chance of destroying the target, Cooch gets in within 500 yards of the target. He ends up “hiding” right next to the destroyer, where the gunners can’t lower their guns enough to shoot. They’re so desperate they’re shooting at the 129, pretty much straight down, with small arms.

First Action: Cooch speaks up in a mission review meeting – “Why do our torpedoes suck so bad?”. Chastised by the CO and the other boat captains, Cooch feels criticized. On the next night’s outing, while out in the middle of the channel, Cooch’s radioman hears a brief burst of Morse code – XM, and a reply: XS. What does it mean? A minute later, Cooch can see, a long distance away, some artifacts of battle – tracers, noises, action! He throttles up and goes to the scene. It takes him 18 minutes and when he arrives there’s already 2 PTs attacking a destroyer in a battle royal. Clearly the PTs are getting exhausted, getting the worst of it, being the smaller, less resourced vessels. Cooch lays to north of the fight, figuring he’ll wait for the destroyer to come to him – and it does. Soon there are three PTs in a largely uncoordinated attack (no doctrine for this) shooting everything they’ve got at the destroyer. Eventually, everybody’s out of ammo and the destroyer proceeds on its way, apparently unharmed. When the PTs get back to Rendova, Cooch counts the number of torpedoes expended – 9 out of 12 fired, zero results.

Obstacle: Cooch tries to bring up the poor torpedo performance in the day brief, but Lt. Astor shoots him a look and a “no” nod, and Cooch decides not to mention it in front of the CO again. Afterwards, Astor tells Cooch “we all know the torpedoes suck but the CO insists we’re doing it wrong, it’s not the torpdoes, it’s the crews”. Sinking destroyers will require some adjustments, for example, aiming the torpedo to not hit on the perpendicular, but on a angled hit, “we’ve found that helps improve your odds, although even that’s not perfect”.

Escalation: JFK’s 109 is taken out in a massive fireball that all the other boat captains see. The next morning, Cooch tries to organize a search party for the 109’s crew, but the CO won’t allow one during daytime and it’d be useless at night. Cooch is assigned to dog duty, rescuing an Australian coast watcher from Kolombaranga. He sees it as punishment, and it is, and he does well to execute it, but there is a Japanese shore patrol that sets up an ambush and the coastwatcher is killed. Cooch’s stock with the CO takes another hit.

Overwhelming Odds: the destroyers start coming less frequently, the Tokyo Express is more of a Tokyo Local. How are the Japanese providing troops and food and ammo to their Solomon Islands holdings? They’ve converted to flat-bottom barges, heavily armored and heavily gunned up. But slow. These vessels don’t come down “the slot” at speed any more, they follow the edges of the islands and go slowly. It’s an entirely different ball of wax for the PTs because now the torpedoes are totally useless against shallow-draft barges. Also, JFK is found and brought back to Rendova.

New Plan: Remove the torpedoes from the boats to reduce weight. Use the guns on the PT (twin 50 cals in turrets, a 40mm Oerlikon cannon and a 37mm rapid fire cannon) to take out the barges. Now the PTs are fast gunboats, although still not armored, up against slow-but-armored barges.

Full Out Attack: Now the PTs sit off the coastlines in the wee hours, knowing that any barges will be coming by will be hugging the coastlines and that that presents an opportunity for attack, with the barges hard up against the coastlines, with few places to turn. The PTs still have a speed advantage so they can take advantage of multiple sweeps from various angles. Also, Cooch has now been let into the two-letter Morse code secret by the In Group, so he knows the PTs can gang up on any group of barges should that occur. Well, one night, it does. There are 4 barges in a line coming down the coastline of the islands in the dark. Cooch is the first to see them, but knowing he can’t take on 4 barges all by himself, he issues a short two-letter code to the other boats so he can bring his squadron mates to where the barges are. All hell breaks loose, gunfire and explosions abound. Oh, and somehow our hero has picked up a mortar with a dozen rounds, and the crew figures out how to use it on the barges. All four barges are sunk, all PTs come home.

Success: The four PTs come back in the wee hours, triumphant at taking out 4 barges and convinced they can do it over and over again, especially with radar getting more common. Maybe they’ve taken out an aircraft or two as well? On the way home, the 129 encounters an Avenger in trouble with a Zero on its tail, both aircraft are downed, 129 picks up the rear gunner on the Avenger, then the Japanese pilot, encounter, Japanese interchange, pilot left floating in water minus his inflatable boat.

Cuccinelli is accepted into the inner circle of boat captains, but the CO remains. A bittersweet ending.

What I learned about doing this assignment: the hero’s mission is the “foundation” of the entire movie. the “bones” of the story, that which propels action. It can be adjusted massively to conform to the conventions and “beats” of action movies, and is best accomplished at an outline level because if it hangs together there, it can be fleshed out with more color and detail, and the “architecture” of the story will remain.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Hero and Villain

Concept:

Hero Morally Right: C’mon, this is WWII and our hero is an ensign in the US Navy!

Villain(s) Morally Wrong: C’mon, this is WWII and our (series of villains) are destroyer captains in the Japanese Imperial Navy! Our commanding officer is a stuffed shirt lifer who’s spent his career as a paper pusher and has no warrior essence whatsoever. He is a bureaucrat in Navy uniform.

Hero:

A. Unique Skill Set: lack of college degree makes our hero unique in attitude and behavior. His desire for success/victory is a reflection of a sincere sense of duty to America, as well as acceptance of a great deal of action and adventure.

B. Motivation: Recruited into the Navy, our hero wants to sink Japanese destroyers out of a sense that that’s what’s necessary for evil to be defeated in his own time. In addition, he worries about his older brother, serving in France.

C. Secret or Wound: He fought with his girlfriend about signing up for PTs and no longer gets letters from her. He doesn’t have a degree, which makes him feel inferior to other PT captains. Maybe he had a cousin who was killed at Pearl. Later, he may suffer to learn that his brother has been killed in France.

Villain:

A. Unbeatable. We are talking about boats attacking the enemy’s biggest and fastest weapons systems, ~5X longer and ~10x heavier than the weapons our hero is using. In fact, there have only been a few examples of PTs sinking Japanese destroyers so far, so it’s obviously “tougher than it looks”. And until mid 1943, Japan has been able to do whatever it wants in the South Pacific, the entire US Navy has not had a lot of success except for Midway. In addition, our hero’s commander is making success difficult by imposing unrealistic policies on the boat captains out of an excessive concern for “doing it by the book”.

B. Motivation. In the case of the Imperial Japanese Navy, it’s to dominate the East economically and militarily, in the short term specifically by holding on to the Solomon Islands by keeping their troops supported with food, weapons and new GIs. The captains of the individual destroyers may not share that vision exactly, but that is the cause to which they have dedicated themselves. Basically these are professional Japanese Navy sailors, and they’re motivated by professionalism. It’s utterly impersonal.

C. What they Lose if the Hero Survives: For the destroyer captain, it is probably career limiting to lose a destroyer on the “Tokyo Express”. In addition, the captain and much of his crew might lose their lives.

Impossible Mission:

A. Puts Hero into Action. Being the FNG makes our hero’s task a little tougher because he’s trying to do things the way he’s been taught in Melville but in fact things don’t work that way out here in the real world. He’s assigned to go attack Japanese destroyers with everything he’s got, the tools at his disposal are not the best and his commander is punctilious about doing things “by the book”. Our hero’s dilemma is that he wants to do things the way the commander wants, but he has learned that that probably won’t succeed.

B. Demands they Go Beyond Their Best: as testimony to the difficulty facing the average PT boat captain, few big sinkings have occurred due to PTs. When our hero goes out on patrol, he will likely not have the support of the other three boats that go out together, they’ll have drifted off. Our hero will face enormous, dangerous enemy vessels all by himself.

C. Destroy the villain: first, stay alive, don’t fall prey to Japanese aviation or the (well armed) destroyers themselves, keep the boat afloat and upright; prepare religiously to be ready when the moment comes. Get in closer than is doctrine/prudent in an attempt to overcome the shortcomings of the lousy torpedoes.

What I learned doing this assignment: I can see these are the building blocks of a modern action flick, where the emotional impact of the action is amplified by our caring about the hero. Sometimes I feel like I’m shoehorning in my plot points to this paradigm, but I’m confident that the paradigm works, so I’ll keep rewriting until I’m sure I’ve got a compelling story. Presumably there’s a balance to be obtained between “following this paradigm” on one hand and, on the other, doing things creatively so the story and images on the scene feel fresh and new (like “gun fu”) and avoid becoming formulaic.

I am determined to spend more time discussing my attempts at a screenplay with fellow students, something I have failed to do well in prior classes.

[Ron Berti]

My name is Ron Berti. I am the son of a radioman first class on PT528, who served in the Solomon Islands in 1943. This will be my second attempt at creating my first script. The first attempt was the Screenwriting U course on “write your script in 30 days” and while what came out the end of that was unremarkable, I learned a lot.

As a writer of a war movie, I hope to understand the genre well enough to create a compelling story. There has only been one movie made about the PT boats, that was They Were Expendable, a B&W movie made in the late 40s starring John Wayne. It wasn’t a very good movie although I think the soundtrack won an Oscar. I don’t count PT109 because that really wasn’t about the boats, it was about JFK. And I don’t count McHale’s Navy at all.

Basically, you had to be a little bit crazy to serve on those boats. They were fast (~45 knots) and did their work at night (“stealth”) but their torpedoes were TERRIBLE, so the odds of a successful takedown of a Japanese destroyer were lousy. And the boats weren’t armored, they were made from WOOD. A good round into the gas tank (110 octane avgas) would have blown the entire boat out of the water. But men went anyway, the junior officers looking for command opportunities, even on on 80′ wooden boat, and the enlisted doing their duty.

My goal is to tell those stories, to remind Americans what its young men did during WWII that saved the world from autocracy.

[Ron Berti]

I, Ron Berti, agree to the terms of this release form as specified below:

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Ron Berti]

Hi everybody

My name is Ron Berti, I’m a boomer, my dad was on PT boats during WWII, in the Solomons. I have written exactly one sorta kinda full script, the 30-day screenplay taught here. At the end of that arduous process I learned that I had developed two kinds of scenes: our hero, on the water, on the boats, in battle; and our hero, n the commander’s office getting chewed out. I figured out that I needed more characters, back story, overarching twists and turns, etc. I expect my second attempt to be heads and shoulders over the first one. I’m sure there are plenty of rewrites in my future.

My goal is to tell the stories of those boats and the men who were on them. They were a courageous bunch and, as we learn from history, with really defective weapons, so you had to be a little crazy to go out hunting for Japanese destroyers with suspect torpedoes. It should be a really visual story, too, with “rooster tails” behind the boats, doing 45 knots, armed to the teeth but made out of wood. They called it the “plywood fleet” although the only plywood was the captain’s console. I hope to avoid cliches (they are prevalent in WWII movies) and show rather than tell.

I listened to the presentation from Hal a week or so ago on this class and I realized that this class is perfect for me, an action film sold using more grown up components to keep the adults emotionally engaged. It’s going to force me to flesh out some of the large story elements I’ve been rolling around in my head, and I will learn a paradigm for getting some humanity into my characters so people really feel it when they go into battle. I have high hopes, my limits will be my own commitment to sitting down and doing the assignments every day. Up to me now. I should say that I really liked Tom Gun and thought the writing in Top Gun: Maverick was superb.

So that’s my gig. I’m in it to tell the story, I hope to do a spectacular job at it, and whether or not it gets bought isn’t “entirely” the point. But of course if somebody decides to produce it, I’ll be thrilled.

I call the script Mosquito Squadron because the Japanese called them that – devil boats or mosquito boats. Nuisances.

[Ron Berti]

Ron Berti

“I agree to the terms of this agreement”.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Ron Berti]

Wow. Wow. Wow. I have had an awakening. When I started this class, I had an opening scene in mind, and it’s pretty good as a standalone scene. And my second scene was “OK” too, but a little less. And each lesson I wrote seemed to deviate more and more from the premises of the lessons. I was feeling uneasy, like “why is it so hard to write what’s needed in this lesson?” And then we got to “fixing structural issues”.

At that point, as I laid out my beats, it became obvious that what I had was a mess. The story was disjointed, narrow, it needed air. Worse, I had not really “told the story” at all. There was no friendship in my story, or ambition, jealousy, betrayal. No secrets, no intrigue. It was a bare bones action packed movie without much “drama”, and worse, it simply didn’t do what the instructions were for the assignments. It wasn’t about humans.

I have had an epiphany! And the epiphany alone is well worth what I paid for the course. I am going to go back and start with a brand new pitch; to support it I’m going to outline four acts in some detail for this new screenplay. I’m going to apply everything I’ve learned to ensuring that I’m not deviating from the structures and techniques presented in this course. I’m going to write a brand new 20% screenplay, and then I’m going to apply all the “corrective” lessons at the end – structure, dialog, characters.

You have shown me the errors of my ways, and I can’t thank you enough. It’ll be a little lonlier writing this new screenplay, but it’ll be MUCH better as a first draft than ANYTHING I could have made out of the half-baked screenplay I’ve got so far.

Thank you. I’ll be back.

[Ron Berti]

<div>Ron’s Filled In Missing Scenes</div><div>

What I learned writing this assignment:

When I read the entire script from beginning to end, I observed a hole at the end of the third act, where my protagonist was left in the “lowest low” situation, followed immediately by forgiveness and recognition from his boss. So I wrote a scene in which the protagonist has two encounters with the enemy.

In the first encounter, he is faced with superior force, significantly superior force which he probably cannot defeat without resorting to his favorite cheat, the radio signal. So he refrains, and the barges go by. He’s learning to bide his time. Now, in fact the Commander may never learn of this moment, but my protagonist knows.

In the second incident, the protagonist restrains himself again, running an attack “by the book” with no secret signals. The 129 sinks two barges all by itself. This the Commander will learn about.

It’s now very clear to me how when knitting together the overall story, it’s entirely too possible to skip over some “holes” in the story, and this lesson is meant to provide a process for a higher level view, closer to the finished movie (as opposed to a collection of scenes).

I may have more to say about this, and more scenes to add.

</div>

[Ron Berti]

Key Scene 4: Resolution

What I learned writing this lesson: I suspect I’m going to end up taking the “great endings” class, because I’m not thoroughly happy with this one. We’ve watched my protagonist go from being a hothead, unconcerned for his own safety or that of his crew, albeit successful in the first -order accounting of his effectiveness as an officer (he sinks a lot of the enemy’s ships in spite of himself). He’s learned to be more mature, more patient. He knows violence must come suddenly, and overwhelmingly, not at random times and places. He is less angry, more disciplined. so he’s a better warrior. Here I give him a chance to show what he’s learned to some incoming skippers, some of whom are presumably as “wet behind the ears” as he was a few months prior. So I can imagine a rewrite. But this is the 20% level, and now I’ll have to get busy rewriting.

OUTLINE

Hart is in the chow hall talking to his XO. Agrees that Cuccinelli has matured a lot

Hart calls Cuccinelli to his office, tells him he’s decided he’s proved himself and can stay. In fact, there are 3 new skippers coming in this afternoon, you’re in charge of training them

Cuccinelli sees PBY land and 3 brand shiny new ensigns get off

Cuccinelli gathers them together, starts with “what is a warrior?”

FADE OUT

SCENE

INT-CHOW HALL – DAY

HART is chatting with his XO. The question of Cuccinelli comes up. XO says “he’s grown up a lot, Commander. I would prefer to not lose him. His recent conversion even makes him an ideal candidate to train new skippers”.

HART grumbles but reluctantly agrees.

EXT- OFFICER’S QUARTERS – DAY

CUCCINELLI is approached by a sailor.

SAILOR “sir, the Commander has asked to see you immediately”.

CUCCINELLI thinks to himself “what now?” but gets pulled together and starts to walk to the Commander’s office.

CUCCINELLI “reporting as ordered, sir”.

HART “CUCCINELLI, you have been a problem since you got to this squadron. You have been a thorn in my side for months. In spite of that, you’ve sunk as many Jap boats as anyone else in the squadron. In spite of my orders, you have gone off half-cocked on a number of occasions. There’s a PBY landing here this afternoon, and there are three shiny new ensigns on it. And your new assignment is to whip those young men into warriors”.

CUCCINELLI “thank you for the opportunity, sir”.

HART “dismissed”

As CUCCINELLI leaves the commander’s office, he sees a PBY circling the lagoon and start preparing to come in for a landing. Ten minutes later, the flying boat is tying up at the dock, and off come three shiny new ensigns.

CUCCINELLI greets them and says “you’re here to be warriors, gentlemen. You’re going to have a ball.”

FADE OUT

[Ron Berti]

Key Scene 3: Climax – the Ultimate Expression of the Conflict

What I learned writing this lesson: I’m struggling now. I’m not nearly happy enough with this response for my assignment. I’m kind of stuck, though. I can see that I’m not really putting my protagonist up against the wall, and it’s mushy as to whether his motivations are clear based on the story so far. I think this will call for major rewrites.

One bit of “post-doc” work I intend to do is to use the outlines of these lessons and do a “critical viewing” of the four movies involved in examples during the course. It’s been a while since I’ve seen any of them, and what I hope to do is to see the movies with the outlines in my hand so I can identify the turning points, the growth of my protagonist, the Old Ways and the New Ways, in THOSE movies. Then I’m going to get busy with a rewrite of this. I still think there’s a great story in here, but it hasn’t emerged yet. But I’m pretty confident that now I have a foundation for rewriting it to make it a lot better.

INT – COMMANDER’S OFFICE – DAY

HART: stand at attention, Mr. Cuccinelli”.

CUCCINELLI; sir, I……………

HART: (cutting off CUCCINELLI) Mister Cuccinelli, I have had three heart-to-heart talks with you about your recklessness, your ignoring protocols, your wild and adventurous spirit. I’m sure it’s charming when you’re chasing women, but I’ve told you – repeatedly – that it has no place here, in combat. You must be a warrior. You can’t take giant risks. You have to do things by the book”.

CUCCINELLI sir, I promise you I have learned my lesson. I am not the young ensign that showed up here months ago. I have grown, I am, today, a warrior. I take my time, I do things by the book……………..

HART: is that so, CUCCINELLI? Is that why you have a bunch of bodies going home to their mothers and fathers? What is it about you that you are so careless with other peoples’ lives? Do you not care about your own? Now, let me tell you – I’m going to get you drummed out of this man’s Navy if it’s the last thing I do. You are a danger to other GIs, you are a danger to this squadron, you are a danger to me. You are confined to quarters until I can get your ass flown out of here on a PBY. There’s likely to be one in the next few days. In the meantime, you are not to go near the 129. Do you understand me?

CUCCINELLI yes, sir.

HART: dismissed.

CUCCINELLI does a smart about face, and leaves the Commander’s office.

INT-QUONSET HUT – DAY

CUCCINELLI aw, man, now I’ve done it. The old man is going to kick me out of the squadron and probably out of the Navy. And it’s ironic because…………..

HOFFMAN you had started to do things by the book?

CUCCINELLI yeah, that’s irony all right. I have sunk a destroyer and a dozen barges in less than a year. I understand why the old man had a hard on for me in the early days. I really was dangerous. But now? Now I’m a do-it-by-the-book sailor, still sinking barges. What does the old man want?

HOFFMAN; maybe, uh, he just doesn’t see the change in you?

CUCCINELLI: and now there’s no way to show it to him.

HOFFMAN: sorry to hear it, Cooch. You and I have had our differences, but I have come to respect you as a skipper, even if you still kind of have your ass hanging out all the time.

CUCCINELLI walks out of the Quonset hut.

INT – QUONSET HUT – NIGHT

CUCCINELLI is pacing the floor in the officer’s quarters. There’s a radio in the corner with occasional chatter. CUCCINELLI is hardly paying attention. Then, there’s a lot of shouting and noise, and HOFFMAN is looking for help.

CUCCINELLI can’t help himself. He assembles his crew, gets on the 129 in a matter of minutes, casts off and heads off into the night. He races out to Hoffman’s location (HOW DOES HE KNOW THIS?) and adds his firepower to HOFFMAN’s, saving the 159 and sinking two more barges.

EXT- DOCK – DAWN

HOFFMAN and CUCCINELLI come into the dock with brooms attached to their masts. Once HOFFMAN reports CUCCINELLI’S exploits, HART has a change of heart and stops the transfer out of the squadron.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Act 4 First Scenes

What I learned writing this assignment: I’ve had my troubles locating the DILEMMA. It was comforting in the lesson to see that I could go back and build it on subsequent rewrites. Still, I haven’t “quite” put my finger on a really tough, do-or-die decision for my protagonist (yet). I’m beginning to play with the idea of a Goldilocks story – too hot, then too cold, hard to find a middle ground that works and is emotionally comfortable. That’s what I did here. Here my protagonist, who’s been all fire and fury and (to be honest) unsafe, has overreacted and let himself be more passive. That’s his attempt to fix his dilemma. But while it’s not awful, it isn’t solving the problem yet either. The solution is getting closer but it’s not here yet.

1. Key Scene 1 and 2 Outline

Key Scene 1 – Reaction to 3rd Act Turning Point

Cuccinelli overreacts to his prior hair-on-fire excess aggressiveness

He finds a barge in the night and hesitates briefly, but gets over it, and attacks with vigor but also with discipline. He doesn’t sink the barge but he’s a different skipper

Key Scene 2 – Protagonist Faces Their Dilemma

Cuccinelli faces a “Flotilla” of 4 barges

He resists the temptation to call Hoffman, and succeeds at sinking 2 of them and leaving a third still in the water. The fourth gets away. Cooch has dialed it in – he can be aggressive without sacrificing discipline.

2. Key Scene 1 – Reacting to 3rd Act Turning Point

EXT- BOAT DECK – DUSK

CUCCINELLI to LECROIX “I think I need to be more patient out here”.

LECROIX “what do you mean, skipper?”

CUCCINELLI “well, I’ve been so anxious to run up the score……………I get all wrapped up in these attacks, maybe I need to be more………….patient”.

LECROIX “you’ve got a good record, skipper, taken out one destroyer and half a dozen barges. Anybody else would be proud of your record”.

CUCCINELLI “still, I am going to try a different approach tonight”

LECROIX “whatever you say, skipper”

it’s dark now. It’s been quiet for several hours. The “golden hour” is approaching – 10pm. We’re in the strait, ~2 miles off an island, in the expected path of the barges. The engines are off again, to maximize our hearing. Lights out, we’re a ghost in the closet.

FRANCISCONI “got two at zero eight five, skipper. Making 12 knots, close to the shore. Their course 170.

CUCCINELLI “take her south, Mr Lecroix”

LECROIX “sir?”

CUCCINELLI “I want them to walk into the Oerlikon”

LECROIX “aye aye, sir!”

LECROIX plots a course to take them about 5 miles south. When they get out about 10 minutes, Cuccinelli orders a left turn to 060. He takes the boat in towards the island shore at cruise speed and stops about a mile off the island. He positions the 129 facing the oncoming barges and leaves the engines idling, mufflers on. They’re going to come right at our biggest gun. Cuccinelli orders his two best gunners Cassidy and Carter over to the Oerlikon, a 37mm gun ideal for tearing apart barges.

CUCCINELLI “Francisconi, can you see those barges?”

FRANCISCONI “yessir, looks like about a mile and a half”

CUCCINELLI “Lecroix, time this down for me”

Lecroix grabs a stopwatch and counts up. He’s calculated that it’ll be 9 minutes before the barges show up. Everybody’s ready.

3. Key Scene 2 – Protagonist Faces Their Dilemma

Out of the gloom come two barges, right on schedule, barely visible.

CUCCINELLI “light ’em up guys”

Before the words are out of his mouth, the Oerlikon gunners are accurately placing rounds into the first barge. It’s on fire by the fourth round, listing. Cuccinelli advances the throttles and makes a run past the second barge, giving the Oerlikon crew enough time to swivel the gun and take broadsides at it. It is also raked by the two twin 50 caliber guns in the mounts, taking a terrible toll on the barge and its crew. Not down yet, though.

Cuccinelli tears out into the night, trailing smoke to obscure his whereabouts. He turns out in the strait and comes directly behind the second barge, at ~20 knots. He catches up to the second barge with the Oerlikon crew ready, again. They put 5 rounds into the barge and it’s sinking.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Completed Act 3

What I learned writing this lesson: now we’re at a bit of a higher level, “assembling” “pieces” that we’ve already written. This seems straightforward, and it moves quickly. I have to remind myself that we’re aiming for a 20% solution here, we’re just getting down a foundation on paper, a foundation that is likely to go through a LOT of changes in multiple rewrites.

Scene 1 – React/Rethink

EXT – BASE PIER – DAY

CUCCINELLI comes in to the base on the 129, sees several of his contemporaries gathered on the dock. “what was that explosion last night out on Blackett?”

HOFFMAN “that was Jack Kennedy on the 109. Nothing left near as we can tell. No idea what caused it”.

CUCCINELLI has a strong reaction to this news. He can imagine himself going out the same way. Jack Kennedy had been known to be a careful skipper, if he got killed imagine the odds of CUCCINELLI getting taken out. Suddenly death is more palpable.

CUCCINELLI “is anybody doing a search for the wreckage or the crew?”

HOFFMAN “Keresey was only two miles from the 109 when it went up. He said it was impossible for anyone to live through that explosion”.

MENARD “I let the Commander know, maybe he can get a couple of planes over the area, but we’re not going to go out in the daytime and going out at night is useless”.

CUCCINELLI “anybody going to have a service for Jack?”

Cooch is upset, it has all become too real to him. People will die out here, and those who are not careful will be the first to die.

Scene 2 – Makes a New Plan

INT – “O club” – DAY

CUCCINELLI is playing poker with 3 other skippers in what passes for an “O club”. The guys are smoking, and someone’s found some booze, and they’re trying to put the war off for a few more hours.

CUCCINELLI: ” boy, that was different last night, right? Did anybody see a destroyer at all? Have the Japs gone totally to these barges?”

HOFFMAN: “I didn’t see anything”

SKIPPER 3: “Me neither”

SKIPPER 4: “Nope. Had two of those barges, sank one, hurt the second one but he got away. They’re pretty tough, though, plenty of 50 cals and armored”.

HOFFMAN: “and the US Navy issues us wooden boats”.

CUCCINELLI: “well, what’s everybody think about going barge hunting without the torpedoes? They’re useless against the barges anyway, it’d make us lighter and faster, and we could go after the barges with the 37mm and the 40mm”.

SKIPPER 4: “you know, I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of that, but that’s a great idea!”

CUCCINELLI: “we’ll start tonight, see how it goes?”

CUCCINELLI plays a few more hands, and bags out of the game. He walks down to the 129 sitting at its dock and looks at it.

CUCCINELLI: “well, old girl, tonight’s a new night for you. We’re going to turn you into a gunboat”.

Scene 3 -Everything Starts Going Well, Until……………

2. EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT

Once more, we’re on a powerful vessel, motors turned off, in the dark. The boat is actually anchored just offshore an island, trying to be soundless so the guys can hear across the water, to augment the radar, which doesn’t work as well on barges as it does on big destroyers.

LECROIX: (whispering): “Skipper, you hear that?”

CUCCINELLI (whispering back): I think so. What do you think? Northwest? How far?

LECROIX (still whispering): “I’d say about 3 or 4 miles”, probably hugging the coast.

CUCCINELLI: (whispering to Jaworski, motor mech): “how long for you to fire these babies up, Jaworski?”

JAWORSKI: “give me 60 seconds, Mr. Cuccinelli, and you’ll be good to go”.

The sound of the barge(s) come closer. They ARE hugging the coastline, and we’re (in an inversion of our approach to the destroyers) out in the strait, so we can pin these guys up against the shoreline. Then it becomes clear that there must be two barges, in close proximity.

CUCCINELLI (whispering to Jaworski): “Now, Jaworski”

Jaworski starts engine #1, followed 20 seconds later by engine #2, and then again, another 20 seconds, third engine’s up at idle.

CUCCINELLI: (in normal voice): “battle stations, everybody”…………..and ITALIAN, send a “G” to DUMBROWSKI”.

CUCCINELLI advances the throttles to full and aims ahead of the noise, actually leading the noise a bit. He plans to come in at the barge orthoganally to the boat’s course, so he can use his speed, giving the 50 cal gunners plenty of time to rake the barges but scooting away when they start firing back. His first run is unusually effective, takes out the driver of the barge and rakes the sailors within, killing almost half. The Oerlikon puts a few holes in the sides, the 129 rushes back out to sea. The entire encounter lasts no more than 20 seconds, during which time the barge sailors are doing their best to defend themselves. But Cooch is calm, cool and collected by now, turns to hide in the dark and smoke, goes out half a mile, turns as hard as he can to return. This time it’s the port gunner who gets his shots in, again with the Oerlikon. By now the barge is down in the water, there are fires in the stores. It’s going to go down. Where’s that second barge?

Then, out of the night, as if on cue, the second barge shows up dead ahead of the 129. Cooch goes full throttle again, cranking the wheel to get some distance. There are 50 cal rounds incoming, got to find some defense in the dark!

And then, right behind the barge, comes DUMBROWSKI on the 151! He takes his shots at the barge and passes into the night. CUCCINELLI steps in, almost balletically, and sweeps past the barge, already in trouble, and has his way with its crew and contents. It starts to sink, DUMBROWSKI comes in one more time on the 151 and finishes her off.

Scene 4 – Turning Point – Protagonist Faces Their Lowest Low

EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT

It has been about a week since the events above. In the meantime, CUCCINELLI has refined his approach and these days he usually comes home with at least one sinking every night . Cooch has been telling his fellow skippers about his approach, and so other skippers are prevailing in their encounters as well (of course, the secret radio code must remain secret). Overall the squadron has sunk almost 12 barges in the past week. Commander Hart is pleased.

CUCCINELLI radios Keresey an “M” when he learns there are three barges in loose formation coming his way. This is confirmed by his radar operator from a bit of a distance (~6 miles). Consequently, Cooch has the time to set up a pass by all three barges. Keresey’s on the way, can be in our location in ~12 minutes.

The barges “appear” in the dusk and gloom of night, but the telltale green phosphoresence gives them away. Cooch lines up an attack profile to rake all three barges, and hopes the altercation will be obvious to Keresey when he approaches the area. After one pass, Cooch does his now-routine path of wheeling out into the deeper water, turning as tight as possible and coming back for more. One barge is shot up pretty good, and it’s blocking the path of the second barge, so Cooch’s gunners make sure it’s going down, saving a few rounds for the second barge.

Just then, out of the gloom comes Keresey. He’s shooting at the barges too. But he’s opposite the 129, apparently doesn’t see it there. And the 129 starts to get shot up. Worse and worse over the course of ~40 seconds. The radio and radar get shot out, there are a few rounds into the kitchen and the berthing areas, one round hits the smoke generator, which starts spewing lots of smoke, making visibility even worse. Then the 40mm comes after the 129. It takes out a big chunk of the cabin on top.

CUCCINELLI withdraws. But now he’s going to have to square up stories with Keresey to explain how he got his boat all shot up. And Keresey’s boat is pretty shot up too. And while nobody’s going to want to admit this to Commander Hart, this was friendly fire!

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Act 3 Turning Point

What I learned writing this assignment: this lesson flowed smoothly, but I’m worried that I’m repeating myself. Once again, my saving grace is the 20% target. This is laying down a foundation using the architecture of pitch/outline/script. It’s likely to change a lot between now and a final draft. But I “like” this scene, I think it has the potential to be breathtaking and exciting for the audience. I’m not sure what I’ve written is exactly what I hope to achieve, I think I can probably make this a lot better in rewrites. But it’s a good start.

Outline Key Scene 4

Cuccinelli’s out on the water again on the 129, idling in the dark. He gets a message from Hoffman, who (he knows, by previous arrangement) is just north of him. The message is 3 B’s indicating 3 barges! A veritable turkey shoot!

Cuccinelli puts the boat at max speed, crashing through the waves to help Hoffman take out the barges. Cuccinelli is guided by seeing bullets flying from miles away.

A fight ensues, there’s bullets flying everywhere, explosions, one barge goes down, the 129 takes some hits but keeps on going, Hoffman takes some hits, but keeps going. It’s the naval equivalent of a dogfight, with both sides swinging for the fences.

Eventually, Hoffman’s 159 takes a big hit and seems to stop in the water. Cuccinelli has to take out the two remaining barges by himself. He does sink the second barge but the third one gets away into the darkness. Once the action is over, Cooch pulls up to the 159. It’s going to need to be towed back in to Rendova, 3 sailors are dead, 2 injured. Hoffman is one of the injured, and it seems severe.

Cooch knows when he gets back, there’s gonna be hell to pay, and all he can do is hope that Hoffman survives long enough to get to the med tent on Rendova.

SCENE 4

EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT

CUCCINELLI is out on the water again, in the dark. The torpedoes have been removed, so the boat can really move. Everybody’s game for the fight. Radioman FRANCISCONI reports a Morse Code message, apparently from HOFFMAN, “B B B “. CUCCINELLI knows exactly what that is………..and immediately advances the throttles and heads off to the north to support HOFFMAN.

From 6 miles away, CUCCINELLI can see a fight starting. There’s gunfire, back and forth, each side taking its shots. Can’t hear anything over the roar of the engines, but in the dark the gunfire is very obvious. It takes CUCCINELLI 9 minutes to engage, and it’s a dogfight. CUCCINELLI spots one barge already in trouble from taking hits from the 159, and he goes after it. Within a minute, the barge is starting to sink. CUCCINELLI wheels around to locate another barge, but one of them is right on top of him as he comes out of the turn, and it’s firing all it’s got. CUCCINELLI’S port side gunner gets in some good shots, but so do the gunners on the barge.

That barge goes dead in the water, and CUCCINELLI goes looking for the third barge. By now HOFFMAN has gotten in some good shots on the third one too, although the 159 has taken plenty of hits, clearly one of the engines is not doing well.

CUCCINELLI goes back for the stalled barge but can’t find it. FRANCISCONI calls up the 159 on the radio, the 159 signals with lights, and CUCCINELLI drives the boat over for a damage assessment. It’s not good. The 159 is out of commission for the time being, pretty beat up. Two sailors are dead, one is missing, and two are injured, one of them Hoffman himself. CUCCINELLI will have to tow the 159 back to Rendova, all he can do is hope HOFFMAN gets back to Rendova still breathing and that the med tent there can deal with his injuries.

There’s gonna be hell to pay, again.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Act 3 Middle Scenes

What I learned from writing this assignment: I was in a band once. And when everybody was in a “groove” there was a sensation of one-ness, of “being in sync” that’s hard to replicate. I imagine it’s similar for sports teams. Well, that’s how this assignment felt. The story was flowing from my fingertips, almost effortlessly. I know the preceding scene doesn’t set this one up yet, that’ll come in rewrite. But this scene just “fell in my lap”. It is partly a function of “write for 20%”, knowing that whatever improvements are required can be accommodated in rewrites, probably several of them. The point is to get the “skeleton” of the story down so it can be modified, “beaten into place” to make it all work, over time. You have to start somewhere and what I’m writing today is merely a start.

I expect to be in rewrites for months.

Scene 2 and 3 outlines

Scene 2 outline: Make a New Plan. Cuccinelli sees the abandonment of destroyers by the Japanese to be an opportunity. It will take removing the torpedoes from the PTs and turning them into gunboats. But that won’t be enough. Cooch will have to adjust, he can’t just go barging in at a giant target any more. The barges that replace the destroyers are smaller, less obtrusive. They tend to hug the islands, so the PT can’t sit in the “shadows” quite so much.

Scene 3 outline: Things start going well, until………….Cuccinelli’s first forays with the adjusted attack profile go well. He takes out 1 or 2 barges a night. So do many of the other skippers. Part of the secret to this success is the use of fast radio codes to notify other skippers, but nobody talks about that with Commander Hart because it’s going against orders. In the meantime, Jack Kennedy and his crew are rescued, and it all seems to be coming together. Until……………one night Cooch is out on the 129 and he detects a barge. But by the time he does it’s well south of him, so he radios the skipper to his south. The Japanese pick up the transmission and prepare for an encounter. When the notified skipper goes in on an attack, it turns out there are three barges, all supporting each other in fields of fire, and the PT is sunk. Nobody knows about the radio signals by Cuccinelli, but how long can that secret last?

Scene 2 script:

INT – “O club” – DAY

CUCCINELLI is playing poker with 3 other skippers in what passes for an “O club”. The guys are smoking, and someone’s found some booze, and they’re trying to put the war off for a few more hours.

CUCCINELLI: ” boy, that was different last night, right? Did anybody see a destroyer at all? Have the Japs gone totally to these barges?”

HOFFMAN: “I didn’t see anything”

SKIPPER 3: “Me neither”

SKIPPER 4: “Nope. Had two of those barges, sank one, hurt the second one but he got away. They’re pretty tough, though, plenty of 50 cals and armored”.

HOFFMAN: “and the US Navy issues us wooden boats”.

CUCCINELLI: “well, what’s everybody think about going barge hunting without the torpedoes? They’re useless against the barges anyway, it’d make us lighter and faster, and we could go after the barges with the 37mm and the 40mm”.

SKIPPER 4: “you know, I hadn’t thought of that, but that’s a great idea!”

CUCCINELLI: “we’ll start tonight, see how it goes”.

CUCCINELLI plays a few more hands, and bags out of the game. He walks down to the 129 sitting at its dock and looks at it.

CUCCINELLI: “well, old girl, tonight’s a new night for you. We’re going to turn you into a gunboat”.

Scene 3

2. EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT

Once more, we’re on a powerful vessel, motors turned off, in the dark. The boat is actually anchored just offshore an island, trying to be soundless so the guys can hear across the water, to augment the radar, which doesn’t work as well on barges as it does on big destroyers.

LECROIX: (whispering): “Skipper, you hear that?”

CUCCINELLI (whispering back): I think so. What do you think? Northwest? How far?

LECROIX (still whispering): “I’d say about 3 or 4 miles”, probably hugging the coast.

CUCCINELLI: (whispering to Jaworski, motor mech): “how long for you to fire these babies up, Jaworski?”

JAWORSKI: “give me 60 seconds, Mr. Cuccinelli, and you’ll be good to go”.

The sound of the barge(s) come closer. They ARE hugging the coastline, and we’re (in an inversion of our approach to the destroyers) out in the strait, so we can pin these guys up against the shorline. Then it becomes clear that there must be two barges, in close proximity.

CUCCINELLI (whispering to Jaworski): “Now, Jaworski”

Jaworski starts engine #1, followed 20 seconds later by engine #2, and then again, another 20 seconds, third engine’s up at idle.

CUCCINELLI: (in normal voice): “battle stations, everybody”…………..and ITALIAN, send a “G” to DUMBROWSKI”.

CUCCINELLI advances the throttles to full and aims for the noise, actually leading the noise a bit. He plans to come in at the barge orthoganally to the boat’s course, so he can use his speed, giving the 50 cal gunners plenty of time to rake the barges but scooting away when they start firing back. His first run is unusually effective, takes out the driver of the barge and rakes the sailors within, killing almost half. The Oerlikon puts a few holes in the sides, the 129 rushes back out to sea. The entire encounter lasts no more than 20 seconds, during which time the barge sailors are doing their best to defend themselves. But Cooch is calm, cool and collected by now, turns to hide in the dark, goes out half a mile, turns as hard as he can to return. This time it’s the port gunner who gets his shots in, again with the Oerlikon. By now the barge is down in the water, there are fires in the stores. It’s going to go down. Where’s that second barge?

Then, out of the night, as if on cue, the second barge shows up dead ahead of the 129. Cooch goes full throttle again, cranking the wheel to get some distance. There are 50 cal rounds incoming, got to find some defense in the dark!

And then, right behind the barge, comes DUMBROWSKI on the 151! He takes his shots at the barge and passes into the night. CUCCINELLI steps in, almost balletically, and sweeps past the barge, already in trouble, and has his way with its crew and contents. It starts to sink, DUMBROWSKI comes in one more time on the 151 and finishes her off.

3 Scene 3 script:

EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT

It has been about a week since the events above. In the meantime, CUCCINELLI has refined his approach and these days he usually comes back with at least one sinking every night . Cooch has been telling his fellow skippers about his approach, and so other skippers are prevailing in their encounters as well (of course, the secret radio code must remain secret). Overall the squadron has sunk almost 20 barges in the past week. Commander Hart is pleased.

CUCCINELLI radios Keresey an “M” when he learns there are three barges in loose formation coming his way. This is confirmed by his radar operator from a bit of a distance (~6 miles). Consequently, Cooch has the time to set up a pass by all three barges. Keresey’s on the way, can be in our location in ~12 minutes.

The barges “appear” in the dusk and gloom of night, but the telltale green phosphoresence gives them away. Cooch lines up an attack profile to rake all three barges, and hopes the altercation will be obvious to Keresey when he approaches the area. After one pass, Cooch does his now-routine path of wheeling out into the deeper water, turning as tight as possible and coming back for more. One barge is shot up pretty good, and it’s blocking the path of the second barge, so Cooch’s gunners make sure it’s going down, saving a few rounds for the second barge.

Just then, out of the gloom comes Keresey. He’s shooting at the barges too. But he’s opposite the 129, apparently doesn’t see it there. And the 129 starts to get shot up. Worse and worse over the course of ~60 seconds. The radio and radar get shot out, there are a few rounds into the kitchen and the berthing areas, one round hits the smoke generator, which starts spewing smoke, making visibility even worse. Then the 40mm comes after the 129. It takes out a big chunk of the cabin on top.

CUCCINELLI withdraws. But now he’s going to have to square up stories with Keresey to explain how he got his boat all shot up. And while nobody’s going to want to admit this to Commander Hart, this was friendly fire!

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint

What I learned writing this lesson: This is the second of the 1-2 punch of the MIdpoint, and the changing direction of our protagonist’s circumstances (after failure, a new determination, and initial success, followed by an even bigger defeat) seems like it is THE template to use for these stories. It’s what creates the emotional tension (yay…..boo……yay…..yay…..boo) that characterizes a well made movie. I’m still not “sure” I’m getting this right, back to “glad to get to 20%, we’ll fix it in rewrite”. At this point, I’m glad to get “something” down but I’m pretty confident at this point I’m going to end up with major rewrites of this screenplay. But I’m “beginning” (as in apprenticeship) to appreciate the “beats” nature of this storytelling.

Key Scene 1: (React/Rethink new reality) Kennedy’s PT109 is missing, presumed sunk, the crew assumed dead. This strikes Cooch hard – it’s more real, all of a sudden, to lose a fellow boat captain. He begins to value the point of patience and operational planning, of caution, of standard procedures. He can’t afford to be a cowboy if he’s going to survive.

Key Scene 2: (Making a new plan) Cooch promises himself he’ll be more disciplined in battle, do more planning, be more prepared, not give in to his emotions in the event.

Key Scene 3: (Things start going well, until………..) The destroyers stop coming down The Slot, and in Cooch’s first encounter with their replacements, the infamous armored barges, he is successful at sinking 3 and damaging a fourth. To top things off, Kennedy and most of his crew have been discovered, alive. Cooch is back!

Key Scene 4: (Turning point: protagonist faces lowest low) Cooch restrains himself, trying to be a better skipper, more disciplined, more orderly. But he finds himself in a crossfire between two barges, calls for help out of desperation (the one-letter Morse Code trick) and both his “rescuer” and he get their boats shot up pretty good, with a few more crew lost.

Key Scene 1:

EXT – BASE PIER – DAY

CUCCINELLI comes in to the base on the 129, sees several of his contemporaries gathered on the dock. “what was that explosion last night out on Blackett?”

HOFFMAN “that was Jack Kennedy on the 109. Nothing left near as we can tell. No idea what caused it”.

CUCCINELLI has a strong reaction to this news. He can imagine himself going out the same way. Jack Kennedy had been known to be a careful skipper, if he got killed imagine the odds of CUCCINELLI getting taken out. Suddenly death is more palpable.

CUCCINELLI “is anybody doing a search for the wreckage or the crew?”

HOFFMAN “Keresey was only two miles from the 109 when it went up. He said it was impossible for anyone to live through that explosion”.

MENARD “I let the Commander know, maybe he can get a couple of planes over the area, but we’re not going to go out in the daytime and going out at night is useless”.

CUCCINELLI “anybody going to have a service for Jack?”

Cooch is upset, it has all become too real to him. People will die out here, and those who are not careful will be the first to die.

[Ron Berti]

Ron has completed Act 2 Draft 1

What I learned writing this assignment: Once again, I’m gratified to be able to “get something down” at 20%. I’m still not satisfied with this chunk of the screenplay, but I trust the process, will improve this block using subsequent training and other courses and “Wax on wax off” repetition if that’s what it takes. It’s really brilliant to have this “change of meaning” show up in the midpoint, it creates depth and texture to the story. I’m going to keep rewriting this until I’m happy with it.

ACT 2

EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT

PT129 is lying in wait, identical to opening scene

A destroyer shows up on radar

CUCCINELLI prepares an attack

A second destroyer shows up on radar

CUCCINELLI breaks radio silence with an extremely brief – one Morse Code letter – broadcast to the PT skipper (Hoffman) just north of him. The single 2 second transmission is a pre-arranged code among 4 skippers to come to each others’ aid as required. It is unauthorized by the Commander and will likely result in disciplinary action if it is discovered.

The destroyers show up, CUCCINELLI fires two torpedoes, circles around fires his other 2. No hits.

HOFFMAN shows up to take on the second destroyer.

CUCCINELLI watches helplessly as Hoffman’s torpedoes all miss but HOFFMAN takes some serious hits from the Japanese guns, including one sailor killed and another wounded.

CUCCINELLI and HOFFMAN retreat into the dark to mend their wounds.

EXT – SQUADRON SHOWERS – DAY

CUCCINELLI is complaining to HOFFMAN about their “bad luck” in not taking out TWO destroyers. Had the shot and missed.

Piss Call Charlie (a lone Japanese Kate, who appears over the base from time to time) attacks the base. CUCCINELLI and HOFFMAN run for cover.

HOFFMAN tells CUCINELLI “you’re contradicting orders. I’ll play ball with you tonight but if we get caught I’m blaming you”.

CUCCINELLI accepts the deal but on his way back to the hooch, decides he’s being set up and is not happy about it.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Act 2 TP

What I learned from writing this lesson: this is the “Secret Sauce”, the emotional journey for the audience. When the “meaning” changes (as the lesson talks about the changes in “meaning” in the 4 movies used as examples), it’s like fuel for the story. It deepens our understanding of what our hero is up to, and by now we must be invested in that hero. Not “likeable” necessarily, I suppose, although that makes it easier. But it means if our hero is to succeed, the stakes are different, or the chances are different, or SOMETHING significant has changed and we are now “hooked” for the rest of the ride.

Key Scene 4: The Midpoint

EXT- BASE SHOWERS – DAY

Cooch complains to HOFFMAN about losing a shot at two destroyers

Hoffman takes CUCCINELLI aside

Hoffman advises “you’re going to get caught and disciplined, I’ll play ball with you tonight but if we get caught, I’m going to blame you”

Cooch storms off, argumentative

EXT – BASE SHOWERS – DAY

CUCCINELLI is in an outdoor shower stall, and while showering he’s discussing his disappointment at missing a shot at taking down two destroyers

HOFFMAN says “I will play ball with you tonight but if we get caught I’ll blame you for instigating the whole thing”

CUCCINELLI first reacts with an “OK, I understand” but as he leaves the shower area to get back to the hooch, he starts to feel sold out

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Act 2 Middle Scenes

What I learned writing this lesson: I feel like I’m not following the “script” as defined by the lesson plan, like I’m a little lost. I think the point of this lesson was to demonstrate the protagonist, stuck in their Old Ways, trying to adjust to new circumstances, and failing. This piece below doesn’t “quite” fit that bill, and I think I’m going to need to rewrite it extensively to get the results I want. But this is as far as I got so far.

I imagine this is the “secret” of good script writing, it’s not obvious, and I can see that once I’ve mastered this part of it, my writing will improve. But here we are.

EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT

Pitch black again. We join the 129 as Cuccinelli is throttling up to go in for an attack, having alerted another captain of the fact that he’s got 2 targets on radar and needs some help. Of course, this breaks the “radio silence” rule imposed by the Commander.

Cuccinelli: battle stations, everybody! Get those 50 cals manned and ready. We’ve got about 4 minutes!

general confirmation by boat crew

Cuccinelli guides his boat to the release point, and orders #1 and #3 launched. #1 releases fine but #3 is a “hot run”. The props are spinning, meaning that after 5000 revolutions the warhead will be armed. The props have to be stopped or the torpedo will detonate right on the boat!

Delaney: “skipper, got a hot run here!”

Lewis runs over with a rag, gets it tangled up in the propellers, gets them stopped. The men are now “half-pregnant”, got a not-quite armed torpedo still in the tube. But the attack must proceed.

Cuccinelli changes heading to accommodate the new track of the destroyer, knows he has a short window of time -seconds really – to get #2 and #4 launched. He proceeds to do so, but the torpedoes either run wild or otherwise miss their target. Now the 129 is a gunboat, without the means to threaten the destroyer in any significant way. Cuccinelli withdraws.

EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT

Keresey shows up on the 122. All we can really see is the other destroyer jinking in the dark, trailing photoluminesce in its wake and another figure, smaller, darting about in the dark, exchanging gunfire with the other destroyer. This goes on for 9 or 10 minutes, but in the end the destroyer isn’t hit by a torpedo from the other PT. We do see small explosions on the PT, which starts taking fire at a nasty clip. The other PT withdraws, no harm done to either destroyer.

EXT – ON WATER – DAYBREAK

Two boats come together in a lagoon, just as the night darkness is fading. The 122 has taken some hits, all torpedoes gone, quite a few bulletholes, the radio’s out. One crewman dead, another wounded. Not a good night.

They’ll have to get back to base together.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Act 2 Reaction to TP1

What I learned writing this assignment: I’m having trouble locating the meaning of the turning point. When I read the lesson, it all seems so obvious – for Neo, for Will, for Vinnie, for Margaret. Clearly the “change in meaning” is significant for these players, and it all seems so obvious when pointed out in the lesson. But I’m struggling a bit to locate a similar experience for my protagonist. Not at all satisfied with this, but I’m struggling creatively, really for the first time in this class. Up to now, I have felt like I’ve been able to put down on paper what the day’s lesson was, applied to my own script. This time feels just thinner, tougher to create. When I get through this and can more easily identify the whole “pivot of meaning” I can imagine I’ll be a much better writer.

ACT 2 BEAT SHEET

EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT

PT129 lies in wait, again

Two destroyers show up on radar

Cooch sends short secret radio signal to second skipper

Cooch expends all 4 torpedoes, no hits

Second boat captain comes in to help, gets shot up

Cuccinelli limps back to Rendova, expecting another ass chewing

ACT 2 OUTLINE

BEGINNING: 129’s lying in wait in the dark

MIDDLE: two destroyers show up on radar

END: Cooch breaks radio silence to alert boat captain #2

BEGINNING: Cooch goes in, expends all 4 torpedoes, no hits

MIDDLE: now helpless against second destroyer, required to withdraw

END: Second boat captain shows up!

BEGINNING: Cooch watches helplessly as boat captain #2 also expends all 4 torpedoes

MIDDLE: all 4 torpedoes miss

END: destroyer gets some hits in on second PT

BEGINNING: Cooch and second boat captain retreat into dark

MIDDLE: Damage assessment demonstrates other PT pretty beat up

END: at daybreak, two PTs return to Rendova

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Finished Act 1

Hit “post” a little too fast. So here’s the rest of the lesson.

What I learned writing this lesson:

I see the temptation to wordsmith once you have a coming-together script, fell prey to it once or twice. As the beats come together, it’s watching muscle get put on bone. As a newbie to this process, I can see that as I write subsequent screenplays, this process will mature and improve my writing, and I can get better (and faster) at this specific process which, if followed, is likely to result in success.

Makes me want to take the rewrite class. Once the basics are down, the secret “must” come from a rewrite process that squeezes the most drama out of every single scene.

The “secret” of a 30 day to a full script is that it’s a 20% script. That’s not reneging on the promise of the class, it’s just that it’s not a fully developed script, yet. But it IS a full script, just not at 95% level of refinement.

I salute the Croasmuns for developing this methodology. I think it may be the secret to a successful first screenplay for me.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Finished Act 1

What I learned writing this lesson:

FADE IN “If I were king, the worst punishment I could inflict on my enemies would be to banish them to the Solomons”

FADE IN “On second thought, I don’t think I’d have the heart to do it”.

FADE IN Jack London

FADE OUT all text

FADE IN April 1943, PT Squadron 18, Rendova Island, Solomons

FADE OUT

EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT

We’re in pitch black. Apparently not moving. We sense/hear powerful engines idling, muffled. It’s quiet enough to where we can hear water slapping on ……….something. Are we on a boat of some sort? Slowly we see in the far corner of the screen a green glow, then we see a radar sweep within the green glow…………

Francisconi: (almost whispering) Skipper, got a bogey at 085 degrees, making 31 knots, heading 165, distance 4 miles.

Cooper: Battle stations, everyone! McCarthy and Cassidy, get on the 50s! Delaney and Lewis, get those torpedoes ready to fire! Cuccinelli, get up here with me! Francisconi, call off the distances as we hit ’em!

Lt. Larry Cooper advances his throttles, and whatever vessel we’re on leaps out of the water, accelerating at a rapid pace, the engines now unmuffled and roaring as our vessel is banging into the water violently, splash everywhere, still accelerating. The men are scurrying into their battle stations smoothly and professionally, almost like a dance, although fighting the banging and slipperiness on the deck.

Francisconi: 10,000 yards!

Cooper: Cuccinelli, set us up for an attack.

Cuccinelli gets the torpedo director aligned, does a few back-of-the-envelope calculations and reports to Cooper “all set, skipper”. 1 minutes has elapsed.

Francisconi: “9000 yards”

Our vessel is now at speed, maybe 40 knots, maybe more. It’s a teeth-rattling ride, but it’s very fast, and loud. There’s a rooster tail behind us, and a dim green glow as well. 2 minutes elapse.

Francisconi: “8000 yards!”

Cooper: “Cuccinelli, when we get to 3500 yards, confirm our intercept heading is 190 and let go 2 port torpedoes”

Cuccinelli: Aye sir

Francisconi: 7000 yards. 2 more minutes go by.

Everybody’s focused on their task, not a lot of talking going on.

Francisconi: 6000 yards!

2 more minutes of bashing, spray, noise.

Francisconi: 5000 yards!

Cuccinelli: (to torpedomen) “are you ready?”

Delaney and Lewis, simultaneously (aye sir!)

Francisconi: 4000 yards!

Cuccinelli: (to Cooper) “torpedoes 1 and 3 ready for launch sir”

Francisconi: 3500 yards!

Cuccinelli: “launch torpedo #1”, followed seconds later by “launch torpedo #3”.

Grease in the launch tube for #3 lights on fire.

Cooper: get that goddam fire out!

Delaney runs to a fire extinguisher and starts to put out the fire. But we’ve given our target something to shoot at. Suddenly three powerful search lights fire up in the distance and dark, clearly themselves on a fast vessel. They’re all searching their nearby ocean, because between the noise and the tube fire they know we’re out here, we’ve lost the element of surprise.

Cooper: “Cassidy, take out those goddam lights!”

Cassidy starts firing at the lights with his twin 50 caliber guns on the starboard side. It takes out one light almost immediately, but the other two are more elusive. And then we’re bathed in light, they’ve found us! Cassidy gets out the second light, but bullets are flying by us, splashing in the water mere feet away from our vessel, a few hit our gunwales, a few hit the pilot house on the deck. After what feels like hours, the third light is subdued.

Meanwhile our “fish” are on their way to an intercept with our target. Cuccinelli times it off when a few random bullets come flying out of the dark, hitting the plywood of the pilot house and spitting up debris all over. The skipper is hit! He’s taken some splinters in his eyes!

COOPER: Cuccinelli, you take the wheel, I can’t see!

CUCCINELLI helps COOPER away from the console, takes his place behind the console. The two torpedoes already unleashed should be hitting any moment now, but in the confusion nobody’s been able to time them out. CUCCINELLI starts to set up a second attack. Just then……….

FRANCISCONI: “2500 yards………….but the target’s turning to a new heading…………looks like 195 and increasing speed to 33 knots”.

CUCCINELLI sees a brief opportunity where his superior speed can set up the second shot he was seeking. He turns the boat, hard, to set up the shot.

CUCCINELLI: “Coming to 210″. Delaney and Lewis, prepare for release of #2 and #4 torpedoes”

The boat smashes through the waves, hurtling at very high speed. In the distance and the dark, we can see a bit of a green glow behind out target, just like our own.

FRANCISCONI: Now 2500 yards

Again, we are treated to 3 searchlights and a hail of gunfire. Once again, the 50 cal gunner (this time the port gunner, Carter) work to take out the lights. One by one they go down but the bullets keep coming.

FRANCISCONI: Now 1500 yards. Sir, are you planning to ram this boat?

CUCCINELLI: no, Francisconi, I’m planning to drop these fish right on their doorstep.

CUCCINELLI: release #2 torpedo! release #4 torpedo!

The torpedoes are launched off the starboard side of the boat, point-blank range. The transition to detonation should be no more than 30 seconds, and the countdown begins

FRANCISCONI: Now 750 yards!

The countdown gets to zero. We hear one loud “thunk” but no explosion. Cuccinelli sees the counterfire from our target, it’s getting bad. He can retreat or …………

CUCCINELLI steers the boat within 50 feet of the target, which is still sailing more or less silently through the strait unimpressed with our feeble attack. At this distance the gunners aboard the destroyer can’t get their own guns to aim at ours, they have stops that keep them from taking them that low. But this is a temporary solution, can’t last more than mere moments. They’re already taking shots with small arms!

CUCCINELLI: somebody get back to the smoke generator!

LEWIS, his torpedo already gone, dashes back to the smoke generator and turns it on. Suddenly there’s white smoke billowing out of it in great profusion, a perfect cover for a mad dash to get away.

CUCCINELLI turns the wheel hard perpendicular to the target, advances the throttles to full and makes a run to get out of range of the guns, hiding in the dark and smoke. It works! After about 90 seconds of racing away from the destroyer they intended to sink, they hear a loud explosion about 2 miles away, and see big flames. It’s coming from right about where the destroyer should have been. Did the 129’s torpedoes find their target after all? Was it somebody else?

INT – MESS HALL – DAY

CUCCINELLI is eating breakfast when a sailor comes in and says

SAILOR “sir, the Commander requests your presence in his office immediately”

CUCCINELLI gulps down a little coffee, leaves his plate, and gets up. He follows the seaman to the COMMANDER’S office. Does this have to do with that sinking last night?

INT-COMMANDER’S OFFICE – DAY

SEAMAN: “Commander Hart, Ensign Cuccinelli is here”

HART: Send him in.

CUCCINELLI steps in and snaps a smart salute. Tom Hart is a balding overweight Lt. Commander, smoking a hard-to-find cigar. CUCCINELLI wonders “where did he find that cigar?”

CUCCINELLI; you asked to see me, sir?

HART: Yes, I did, Mr. Cuccinelli. Remain at attention.

CUCCINELLI (in his mind) UH OH

HART: Mr. Cuccinelli, the last thing I need in this squadron is a loose cannon who refuses to keep an eye on his orders. I’m glad that Lt. Cooper’s going to be all right, but no thanks to you! You could have gotten your crew killed, and you yourself! Do you have no instinct for self-preservation?

CUCCINELLI: “Sir, the Lt got hit just before the release point for the first torpedo, we still had the firing solution, so I made sure the Lt was being taken care of and I continued pressing the attack. I believed that it was my duty to continue ……..and I still do, sir.”

HART: “Is that right, Mr. Cuccinelli? Is that what you learned in Melville? You got some kind of death wish? You put your boat -and your men – in grave danger out there last night. You should have abandoned the attack as soon as Cooper was injured. What makes you think you’re ready to take over command of a boat? You’re an XO on the 129, don’t forget that! You are a junior officer on a tiny wooden boat carrying 1OOO gallons of 110 octane fuel. You could be blown out of the water with a single well placed round. You’re busy trying to get yourself killed – and to take one of my boats with you! You seem to have a death wish, Mister.

CUCCINELLI; “Sir, I”…………….

HART (cutting off Cucinelli): I hear that you could have been painting some graffiti on the sides of that Jap destroyer! What possessed you to get that close to your target?

CUCCINELLI: “I’ll admit, sir, that I got a little too close, it was pretty chaotic out there, and so the best course of action was to cut in close to the destroyer, so their guns couldn’t reach us. We were only there for 45 seconds, and then I managed to get out of there”.

HART: Did you not learn attack profiles in Melville? What the hell did they teach you there? To go put your ass on the line even when you don’t have to? Do you not know your job is to SINK that boat, not go snuggle up against it? These people are your enemy, Cuccinelli! You do know they’re trying to kill you, right?

CUCCINELLI; “Sir I made an emergency decision and I took my shot and I believe it paid off”.

HART: Are you talking about sinking that destroyer? We’re not sure it was the 129’s torpedoes that took that out, do you know that? We had a report from a coastwatcher a few days back who says he saw the Japanese laying mines out there a few days ago. It’s possible – likely, even! – that the Japs just ran into their own mine! If it turns out it was your torpedo, I’ll eat my hat!

CUCCINELLI “it won’t happen again, sir”.

HART: you bet your ass it’s not going to happen again, Cuccinelli. As it turns out, I don’t have anyone ready to pick up Cooper’s job, so you’re the default captain of the 129 for the time being. Cooper will be back in a week or so. In the meantime, no patrols for you. You need to earn my trust back, and by God, it’s not going to be easy. I need to see you show command authority and judgment. In the meantime, tonight your assignment is to go rescue that Aussie coastwatcher. We need to go get him and his radio off Kolombaranga, the Japs have started to close in on him. He’s been very valuable to us, and now he needs our help. You’ll set out at dusk and this mission will be completed in the dark. You’ll get details from Lt. Commander King later today. Other than that, dismissed. You’re on the bubble, Cuccinelli. One more screwup and you’re out of this squadron. Got it?”

CUCCINELLI yes, sir, got it.

CUCCINELLI snaps another salute, does a smart about-face, and leaves HART’S office.

CUCCINELLI is walking back to his hooch, and we can see on his face that the apology was insincere. He’s still determined to go out there and kill Japs, and he’ll just have to be more discreet about his adventures.

EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT

PT129 is sitting about a mile off an island lagoon in the dark. Engines idling, muffled, much as we started our opening scene. CUCCINELLI is at the Skipper’s station, there’s no XO.

CUCCINELLI to crew, almost whispering: “My plan is to drive in closer, maybe 500 yards, as quietly as possible. We’ll wait for a light signal at 2010 hours, the letter G in Morse code. We’ll respond with a G of our own to confirm that we’re here. Then we’ll release two life rafts, one for the coastwatcher and one for the radio. Delaney and Lewis, you’ll row over to the shore. You’ll row back with the coastwatcher in one raft and the radio in the other, probably take 20 minutes or so. Francisconi, you’ll be monitoring the radios. While you’re gone I’ll get the boat turned around, quietly, so we’re ready to haul ass once you’re back on board. Any questions?”

Delaney and Lewis nod their assent.

CUCCINELLI advances the throttles, slowly. It takes about seven minutes at idle to sneak in at 500 yards. CUCCINELLI waits until 2010, and two dashes of light emerge from the shoreline. That’s not a G, that’s an M, it’s missing the “dot” at the end of the sequence. CUCCINELLI sends back a G (dash dash dot). This time the M comes back correct (dash dash dot). Wonder why it was wrong the first time? Should CUCCINELLI scrub the mission? No, he’s got to perform here to get Hart’s respect and confidence back

Delaney and Lewis disembark from the 129 on the life rafts and start paddling to the shoreline of an assumed island 500 yards away. It’s pitch black out, easy to get lost.

CUCCINELLI turns the wheel hard and lets the idling motors propel the boat 180 degrees, so that now the bow is pointed out away from the island. It takes him 3 or 4 minutes, but there’s still 3 times that to wait. It’s tense, they’re in enemy territory in pitch black, hard to know where danger lies. Tension builds with each passing moment.

After another 13 minutes, out of the gloom, the two life rafts appear, almost silently, about 40 yards away. Jaworski and Greenberg make ready to get the men and the boats on the deck as quietly and quickly as possible.

Suddenly, all hell breaks loose. It was a trap! There are several lights on the shoreline, and half a dozen gun emplacements spitting out rounds at our vessel. The 50 cal gunners, Mccarthy and Cassidy, do their best to suppress the spotlights and the muzzle flashes, but it seems an eternity before the life rafts are aside the 129. Jaworski and Greenberg lift their own shipmates and the coastwatcher up on the 129’s deck, along with the radio, which is larger than they had expected, clumsy, 150 lbs of electronics with the odd bags for accessories. The coastwatcher has been hit while out on the water, and he’s bleeding.

CUCCINELLI jams the throttles forward and the 129 lurches out of the water, accelerating fast. CUCCINELLI orders the smoke generator turned on, and Delaney goes to it and gets it belching a thick white trail of smoke. Meanwhile, the boat is getting to speed, rapidly getting out of range of the Japanese shoreline gunners. Within minutes, the boat is out 3 miles in the water, and the threat from the Jap emplacements is minor. CUCCINELLI pulls back the throttles and “lays to” out in the strait. He runs back to the lazarette, where the coastwatcher is, down and still bleeding profusely.

CUCCINELLI: “how’s he doing?”

CASSIDY: not so red hot, skipper. He took a couple to the lungs. We’re doing our best but…….

COASTWATCHER: “You the blokes who thought you got that destroyer the other night?”

CUCCINELLI: “yeah, you the coastwatcher who said it was a Jap mine?”

COASTWATCHER; “yes, that was me. Can’t tell whether your attack was brave or stupid”.

CUCCINELLI: My boss thinks it was pretty stupid.

COASTWATCHER begins to fade……………he’s dying. The look on CUCCINELLI’S face says it all…………he’s got another ass chewing in his near future.

INT – COMMANDER’S OFFICE – DAY

PLACE HOLDER HERE

EXT – ON WATER – DAWN

CUCCINELLI’S coming back from an empty patrol, nursing his starboard engine. It’s getting very close to daylight, the 129 is running very late. PTs hate daylight, they’re unusually exposed, even to friendly fire. CUCCINELLI is hugging an island shoreline to minimize discovery. He’s only at about 20 knots.

Suddenly, a Navy Avenger flies low over the boat, unaware that the boat’s even there. Its bomb is still in the rack, making it clumsy in aerobatic terms. It’s trailing a little smoke and losing altitude, and within seconds it’s clear what his problem is – it’s a lone Zero, right on its tail. The Avenger is taking a beating, but the rear seat gunner in the Avenger is doing his best to take out the Zero. CUCCINELLI accelerates the boat and starts to head out into open water, to help the Avenger as much as he can. The 129 crew watches an aerial ballet, with the two planes taking shots at each other. Now they’re both smoking, the Avenger is showing flames. The 129 puts some rounds in the Zero as well, but the shots are tough if the PT boaters are to avoid shooting down their own Avenger.

Then it becomes clear that the Avenger is going down. It hits the water about 3 miles away, hard. 40 seconds later the Zero hits the water in a shallow dive, bounces a few times, and comes to rest, another 2 miles or so up the strait. CUCCINELLI advances his engines to close the distance to the Avenger, and when he gets there the Avenger is starting to sink, and the rear gunner is floating in a Mae West. No sign of the pilot.

LOPEZ: “Good to see you guys. I thought you went out at night?”

CUCCINELLI: long story, sailor. Where’s the pilot?

LOPEZ: Ah, Lt Nelson. I’m afraid he must be dead, sir. I think he was dead before we hit the water. Good guy, too”.

The PT crew gets a grapple hook out and brings aboard LOPEZ as the Avenger begins to sink.

CUCCINELLI: “welcome aboard PT129, sailor. What’s your name?

LOPEZ: “Petty Officer 3rd class Antonio Lopez, sir”.

CUCCINELLI: “Well, Lopez, we’re going to go over and see what’s left of that Zero. How’d you find yourself in this pickle?”

LOPEZ “We were on an early raid with our squadron, the plane developed engine trouble, we had turned around, limping back to base when this lone Zero – what are the odds! – flew out of the sun right at us a few miles away. No idea where he came from or why he’s by himself. Too bad for Lt. Nelson, small change in circumstances and he’d still be alive”.

CUCCINELLI goes to the skipper’s station, advances the throttles, points the boat in the direction where the Zero crashed. It takes but a few moments to close the gap, and our crew finds itself in the middle of the strait, many miles from any land. As the boat slows and comes across the wreckage of the Zero, we see a Japanese pilot in an inflated life raft, glaring at his enemy. You can see that if he had the tools at his disposal, he’d kill all these US Navy sailors – enemies all. But he doesn’t have any tools, here he’s just a poor Japanese slob stuck miles from land, and he’s at their mercy now.

FRANCISCONI brings up the Thompson from the gun locker just in case.

CUCCINELLI gathers his crew together to discuss what to do.

CUCCINELLI: “What should we do with this guy? There’s no facilities on Rendova for POWs, he’d be an awful handful, can’t bring him back to base.

BAKER we could just kill him and get it over with.

FRANCISCONI (in Italian, to Cooch) “non voglio fare i crimena di guerra”

CUCCINELLI (to Francisconi) “lo so”

While all this is going on, LOPEZ looks over at the pilot.

LOPEZ: gaggle gaggle gaggle in Japanese

The pilot glares at LOPEZ but says nothing.

CUCCINELLI; “wait, you speak Japanese?”

LOPEZ; well, I grew up in Los Angeles, sir, we have a lot of Japanese there, most of them in Idaho now, but growing up we had a Japanese family next door and they had a son my age and I spent a lot of time over there, and you just kind of pick it up”

CUCCINELLI; “OK, so what did you say to this pilot?”

LOPEZ: I told him I hope he’s out here for three weeks dying of thirst and that at the end of that time he’s discovered by a shark and eaten, slowly”.

CUCCINELLI; “Francisconi, hand me that Thompson”.

FRANCISCONI; “Sir?”

CUCCINELLI; “hand me the goddam Thompson”.

Francisconi hands over the Thompson and then (off camera)

BANG!

One shot rings out over the water. As the camera looks around, we see the pilot, now in the water, no Mae West. His life raft is punctured, losing air, as the pilot sinks into the water.

CUCCINELLI “there, that problem’s solved”.

CUCCINELLI hands the Thompson back to FRANCISCONI, walks over to the skipper’s console, advances the throttles. The 129 is back on its way home.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Turning Point 1 scenes

What I learned from writing this lesson: I’m not convinced I “get” this part yet and it’s a challenge because clearly this is where some drama gets injected so it’s an important element of my script. I get “locking in” with regard to the examples, but somehow it’s still a little elusive for me in my own script. In all 4 examples, the protagonist is given a choice at this point (Act 1 Turning Point) – it’s either A or B in his future. And I’m not “entirely” sure I got that so far. The scene I wrote doesn’t “quite” feel like it’s got the juju yet, may require a total rewrite. But consistent with “aim for 20% in 30 days”, I’ll leave it be and let the plot percolate in my widdle bwain.

What I tried to do in this scene was to put the protagonist in a second FUBAR of his own making. Back to back mistakes in front of Lard Ass. Presumably, at this point, being a PT captain looks a lot harder to Cooch than it did a few weeks ago. It takes judgment and finesse on top of physical courage, it takes a constant “what’s the worst that could happen” perspective and planning for that eventuality “just in case”. In this case, Cooch is 0 for 2 (bawled out by Commander for first incident, gonna get bawled out again by that same Commander, and this was supposed to be a “get well” plan, something simple enough to where Cooch was unlikely to blow it). And then he did, again by ignoring his fears with macho and bravado, and assuming the way to succeed was to do just that – ignore his fears.

Act 1 Turning Point Beat Sheet

EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT

PT129 is half a mile offshore waiting for a light signal from a coastwatcher who’s being evacuated with his radio because the Japanese have figured out his general whereabouts and intend to capture or kill him.

They get the signal – almost. It’s not “quite” the initiating signal they were expecting. Cooch was expecting G in Morse Code (–.) and the light showed M (–).

Cooch decides to go in very close with mufflers on, launches a pair of lifeboats to go fetch the coastwatcher and his radio.

Suddenly, all hell breaks loose. It’s a trap! Massive gunfire erupts, there are mortars landing near the 129, throwing up big fountains of water. Next one might be the last of the 129! Lots of noise, seems like bullets flying from all directions.

Cooch has to start turning around so he’s pointed out of the lagoon, while he gunners do their best to suppress incoming fire, get the coastwatcher and radio on board and then fight his way out of the relatively little bay he’s in. The coastwatcher is killed, the radio destroyed. Cooch and the 129 and its crew get out alive but mission is a failure. Cooch is looking at another ass chewing.

Act 1 Turning Point Outline

EXT -ON WATER – NIGHT

BEGINNING: PT129 is off a small island, idling (similar to opening scene, good for setting theme), ready to enter a fairly small lagoon. Pitch black. Everyone’s at battle stations. Communication is being accomplished in whispers. Delaney and Lewis are each assigned to a lifeboat, with paddles. Cassidy and Carter are on the 50 cals. The torpedoes aren’t even loaded tonight. The torpedoes will be useless tonight and it’s better to keep the 129’s weight low.

MIDDLE: Cooch decides to get in very very close, to shorten the distance for the rafters. Brand new XO Lecroix asks if that’s wise, Cooch, in his default aggressiveness, dismisses him. The lifeboats enter the water after getting a “mostly right” blinking light signal, presumably from the coastwatcher. There’s some ambiguity, plenty of discussion. We going in or not? Was there a dot after those two dashes or not?

END: The lifeboats leave the 129, paddle in to where the light signal was, pick up the coastwatcher and his radio, and start to return to the 129. Still quiet. It has been just over 14 minutes since the boats left. Just as the lifeboats get to within 20 feet of the 129, all hell breaks loose. It’s a trap! The Japanese used the coastwatcher to set a trap. Bullets are flying everywhere, aimed at the lifeboats, aimed at the 129, aimed at Cuccinelli. Cooch can’t leave without securing his men and the coastwatcher, so he’s a sitting duck. Cassidy and Carter man the 50 cals, and they are spraying the jungle anywhere they can see the flash of weapons fire, but there’s a LOT of it tonight from half a dozen attack points. After what seems like an hour, Newman and Thompson help Delaney and Lewis get the coastwatcher and the radio up on the deck. Just as they get to the deck, Cooch finishes his pirouette, turns the wheel hard and hits the throttles to get out of his predicament. But once they’re out on open water, it becomes clear that the coastwatcher is dying from multiple bullet wounds, and the radio has been badly damaged. The men do what they can to save the coastwatcher.

There’s another ass chewing in Cooch’s future.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Inciting Incident

What I learned writing this assignment:

What this process does is force you to make choices. It’s said that sculptors take a piece of marble and then remove everything that doesn’t need to be there. Well, this is sort of the opposite of that. I had prior versions of these scenes in my head, but when you have to get them submitted within 24 hours, it forces you to make choices. What elements will advance the story? Which ones should I toss? How can I allude to the protagonist’s private journey? What’s the best way to demonstrate personality, resolve, attention?

In this case, I have added some ambiguity to Cooch’s confidence at taking out a destroyer (maybe it wasn’t the 129?) and I’ve added some intrigue when Cooch acts as if he’s contrite for his recklessness but in fact he’s holding a grudge against his protagonist, who happens to be his commanding officer.

This effort is more demanding than I had imagined it to be, and it seems like something that, like playing a musical instrument, gets easier with experience (“wax on, wax off”). But I can see why ScreenwritingU is proud of this class. It is bound to make a writer better, to keep my efforts focused and aligned and disciplined.

And to get to a 20% screenplay in 30 days, ready for several iterations of rewrite.

Key Scene 2 Outline:

INT COMMANDER’S HQ – DAY

Cuccinelli is located at breakfast, asked to report to the Commander. He’s expecting a pat on the head for sinking a destroyer but instead………

Cuccinelli reports to Commander, who proceeds to advise him to stand in a brace while he is berated by the Commander. He’s shocked, this is not what he expected.

This goes on for 12 very long minutes, the Commander asks rhetorical questions and when Cooch tries to answer them, the Commander shuts him up.

Cooch leaves the Commander’s office shaken, and outwardly apologetic “it’ll never happen again sir”, but inwardly he’s seething, being dressed down for a serious contribution in his first week when he had thought he deserved a hero badge. He’s going to get even.

Key Scene 3 Outline:

EXT-DAWN – DECK OF PT BOAT

Cuccinelli’s coming back from an empty patrol nursing his starboard engine. It’s getting very close to daylight. PTs hate daylight, they’re unusually exposed, even to friendly fire. Cooch is hugging an island shoreline to minimize the chance of discovery.

Suddenly, an Avenger flies low, over the 129, trailing smoke, its bomb still in the rack, followed mere moments later by a Zero on its tail. The Avenger is taking a beating. Cooch ramps up the 129 to go get in the fight and help the Avenger. Eventually the Avenger goes down, but then almost immediately so does the Zero. Cooch picks up the survivor of the Avenger and goes to check out the Zero pilot, who’s still in the water.

The back seat gunner’s name is Lopez, he’s from LA, knows Japanese. He says something to the pilot, who’s floating in a small life raft he’s already inflated. They have to decide what to do with this guy. A resolution is achieved, and it points Cooch to being more measured, less knee-jerk violent.

Inciting Incident Scene 2:

Cuccinelli is eating breakfast at about 10am when a sailor comes by to ask him to come to the Commander’s HQ immediately. Cuccinelli is sure he’s about to get a commendation for his successful sinking of a Japanese destroyer in his first 2 weeks in the squadron. He reports to Lt. Commander Hart.

CUCCINELLI

Ensign Cuccinelli reporting as directed, sir.

HART

Don’t sit down, Cuccinelli. In fact, I’d like you to stand at attention.

Cooch is thinking – hey, wait, this can’t be good. I thought I was here for a promotion…………………

HART

Cuccinelli, the last thing I need in this squadron is a loose cannon who refuses to keep an eye on his boat and his crew. I’m glad that Lt Cooper’s going to be OK, but no thanks to you! Do you want to try to explain yourself, Mister?

CUCCINELLI

Sir, the Lieutenant got hit just before the release point for the first torpedo, we still had the firing solution, so I made sure the Lt was being taken care of and I continued with pressing the attack. I believe it was the right thing to do.

HART (cutting off Cuccinelli)

Is that what you learned in Melville, Cuccinelli? You got some sort of death wish? You put your boat and your crew – and yourself! – in grave danger out there last night. You should have abandoned the attack as soon as Cooper was injured. What makes you think you’re ready to take over a boat? You’re an XO, don’t forget that! You are a junior officer on a tiny wooden boat out here in nowhere, and you’ve only been here two weeks! And you seem to have a death wish!

The reports I have are that you ended up almost brushing up against that Jap destroyer. What the hell were you thinking?

CUCCINELLI

Sir, at the time, to get below the gunner’s range for about 30 seconds, yes, we got very close to the gunwales of the destroyer. But that was less dangerous………

HART (again, cutting off Cuccinelli)

Why were you that close to begin with? Did you not study attack profiles in Melville? Did you sleep through those lessons? Who told you that it was a smart idea to sidle up to a Jap destroyer? Do you not know that we’re at war with those people? Do you not know that? These people are your enemy, Cuccinelli! You DO know they’re trying to kill you, right?

CUCCINELLI

Sir, I had to make an emergency decision and I took my shot and I believe it paid off.

HART (interrupting AGAIN)

Are you talking about sinking that destroyer? We’re not even sure it was the 129’s torpedo that took that out, do you know that? We have reports from a coastwatcher who says he saw the Japanese laying mines out there a few days ago. It’s possible – likely! – that the Japs just ran into their own mine! If it turns out it was your torpedo, I’ll eat my hat!

Cuccinelli changes tone. He appears much less defiant, much more humble, more prepared to follow orders.

CUCCINELLI

Sir, if I may say, I regret that I went overboard last night, and I apologize for not following the book. You will not see this happen by me again.

HART

You bet your ass I won’t see that from you again! If I do, Cuccinelli, you’re out of this squadron! I’ll get you shipped out of here in less than a week. Now, listen, I don’t trust you yet. You went off half-cocked and I need to see you execute on a lower level mission before I give you orders to attack destroyers again. So tonight you’re going to be assigned to pick up that Aussie coastwatcher. He’s been very valuable for us but his location has been discovered by the Japs and we need to get him evacuated. We’ll have to wait for nightfall so you don’t get shot up, but that’s your assignment for tonight. Prove to me that you’re worthy completing this assignment and I’ll think about it. Walk before run, you got it? You’ll get your orders from Lt. Commander King later today. Any questions?

CUCCINELLI

No, sir.

HART

All right, then. Dismissed.

Cuccinelli salutes, does a smart about face, and leaves Hart’s office.

As Cuccinelli walks away, we can see the humility was faked, just to get through the ass chewing. He’s still determined to go out there and kill Japs, and he’ll just have to be more discreet about his adventures in the future.

Inciting Incident Scene 3:

It’s close to dawn. The 129 is out too late, won’t get back to Rendova before dawn, and its port engine is acting up. PTs hate being out in the strait during daytime, it invites way too much attention from both parties. Cuccinelli is hugging the coasts of islands to be less obvious to aircraft when suddenly a US Navy Avenger flies by at 400 feet, trailing smoke and losing altitude, its bomb still in the rack, so it’s not particularly maneuverable. There’s a rear-facing gunner in the back of the Avenger’s tail, doing his best to take out the Zero. The Avenger is taking the worse of it, but the back seater is getting in his licks. Now the Avenger starts to trail even more smoke and some flames, and while it jinks and dives and does its best to escape the rounds coming from the Zero, it’s losing altitude over the minutes of the fight. Cuccinelli takes the 129 out into the strait to help out a few fellow US Navy sailors.

CUCCINELLI (advancing throttle)

Let’s go help out that naval aviator, boys. Cassidy and McCarthy, get on the 50 cals. Lewis, get on the Oerlikon……….

The crew of the 129 watches an aerial duel, and when they get a shot, they put dozens of rounds into the Zero. But within about 90 seconds, the Avenger is on fire and clearly bound to crash. It does, a couple of miles away, followed almost immediately by the Zero, a few miles in the other direction. Cooch runs at high speed to the site of the Avenger crash. There’s a sailor bobbing in the water with a Mae West, but the plane is clearly sinking fast, and the pilot seems to be dead.

MARTINEZ

Boy, is it good to see you guys. I thought you went out at night?

CUCCINELLI

Long story.

A few of the crew get a rope to Martinez, and haul him up on the deck of the 129.

CUCCINELLI

How about the pilot?

MARTINEZ

I’m afraid he’s got to be dead, sir. I think he was dead before we hit the water. He was a good guy too, Lt. Newman.

Cuccinelli advances the throttles and heads to the wreckage, a few miles away, of where the Zero went down. When they get there, they see a Japanese pilot floating in a one-man life raft. He’s glaring at this crew of Yankee imperialists, but he’s got nothing with which to present danger. He is at their mercy.

Francisconi gets the Thompson out of the gun locker and keeps it handy. Cooch keeps the 129 a safe distance from the pilot. The crew is assembled on deck, discussing what they think Cooch should do.

FRANCISCONI

What do you think we should do with him, skipper?

CUCCINELLI (in Italian)

We can’t take him back to Rendova, got no facilities for POWs. I guess we could shoot him, nobody would ever know.

FRANCISCONI (in Italian)

Well, that’d be one way to handle it.

MARTINEZ (to the pilot, in Japanese)

hamachi sushi tokyo Japanese gibberish

The pilot just glares back at Martinez.

CUCCINELLI

You speak Japanese? Where’d you learn that? And what’d you say to him?

MARTINEZ

Well, I’m from LA, sir, and we live next door to a Japanese family, and they had a daughter my age, and well, one thing led to another and I picked up a little Japanese over the years.

CUCCINELLI

OK, well, what’d you say to him?

MARTINEZ

I told him I hope he’s out here starving for two weeks, dying of thirst, and that at the end of that time I hope he’s eaten by a shark, very slowly.

CUCCINELLI (to Francesconi)

Hand me the Thompson………………

Francesconi hands the Thompson to Cooch.

BANG

One round from the Thompson enters the air-filled bag of the life raft and the air starts to leave. Within a minute, the raft is close to useless for staying afloat. Now the Japanese pilot is in a lot more trouble.

CUCCINELLI

OK, show’s over everybody. Back to business.

Cuccinelli walks over to the captain’s console, starts to advance the throttle and points the 129, now with a naval aviator gunner’s mate aboard, towards Rendova.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Opening Scenes

What I learned writing this assignment. It’s becoming clearer how this approach can measurably improve on traditional writing methods. The framework/beats provides an architecture, implying that some things must be accomplished by a certain point in the storytelling (there’s a sequence of these high points), with a literal “beat” or cadence. In today’s writing, we put a little more meat on those bones. But the bones exist because of last week’s work, so this is literally “filling in the details”. AND – this is really interesting – it’s key to not get too “fussy” about the details now, the main point is to get “something” on the page that can be improved in rewrites.

In the end analysis, while the course talks about “writing your screenplay in 30 days”, I’d guess by now that the deliverable from this course is a “first draft” (or very close, maybe second or third but very early) in 30 days. THEN the real work begins, as we examine what we’ve created in the way of conflict management, ambiguity, tension, backstory, interesting details about our protagonist and his or her antagonist. This feels like it may be the very best process for writing scripts ever invented. And presumably once this course is done, there are other courses in rewriting to contemplate to get the script to “production ready” level.

BEAT: Ensign Domenico Cuccinelli, XO, steps up when, during a night attack on a Japanese destroyer by PT129 in Mar 1943, his captain is badly injured. But he goes in too fast and too hard, takes enormous risks, barely survives. In the end, the destroyer is sunk but ………..is it the 129’s doing?

BEAT: Lt. Commander Tom Hart gets the report the next morning, sends for Cucinelli, and has him in a brace for half an hour while he chews on the young Ensign. He’s mad because he expected more from this recent graduate of PT school in Melville RI. He (Cuccinelli) might have gotten his entire crew killed, or himself, and at the least he now has to get some significant (expensive) repairs done on the 129.

2. EXT NIGHT -ON WATER

Beginning: We’re “laying to” in the pitch dark, out in the water somewhere. We can hear very powerful engines at idle. What’s going on? Then, the radio operator says “got a bogey at 085 degrees, making 30 knots, heading 165”. Immediately our vessel, whatever it is, leaps out of the water, accelerating madly, bashing against the waves, getting up to 45 knots. The captain orders his men to their stations. One, XO Cuccinelli, takes his position near the smoke generator at the back of the vessel.

Middle: The attack continues. The captain is hit! Cuccinelli understand instantly what he’s required to do. He takes command of the vessel, and proceeds to complete an attack. It’s a rough deal, dark, not a lot of information to process. The destroyer is enormous.

End: Cooch takes the PT in close to ensure the best odds of a torpedo strike. Gunners on the destroyer are shooting back and searching with searchlights for their target. He releases two torpedoes, but neither detonates. The destroyer changes course, and Cuccinelli takes an enormous gamble that finds him “hiding” right below the destroyer’s gunners for what seems like an hour but in fact lasts ~90 seconds. He finally escapes, makes a second run with torpedoes #3 and #4, and then, after the time Cooch’s torpedoes should have hit, there’s an enormous explosion and the destroyer goes down. But is it Cooch’s doing?

3. INT DAY – COMMANDER’S HQ

Beginning: Commander Hart is pissed. He sends for Cuccinelli, who’s just finishing breakfast.

Middle: Hart stands Cuccinelli in a brace for 35 minutes and provides Cooch with a really solid, world class dressing down. “I expected more from you Cuccinelli! You’ve only been here a week!” Great way to make an impression on the big boss.

End: Cuccinelli leaves the Commander’s office outwardly humble and apologetic, but it’s not sincere. He still wants to kill Japs and he’ll do anything he needs to do to accomplish that task.

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Beat Sheet Draft 2

1. Cuccinelli is the newest junior officer fresh from Melville. Accepted at face value, assigned to 129 as XO. Neutral so far.

2. Within a week, 129’s skipper is wounded, Cuccinelli takes command and “may have” sunk a destroyer in his first week, but reports indicate that he was wild, out of control. First example of lack of maturity, excessive risk tolerance.

3. The Commander bawls out Cooch, hoping to set him straight. Commander assigns Cooch to the dogshit job, picking up an Aussie coast watcher. Commander can’t afford to tolerate “loose cannons”; Cuccinelli ignores the feedback, is “Stuck” in his anger and ego.

4. Cooch muffs that opportunity as well, loses one sailor, damages his boat, almost kills the coastwatcher.

5. Time for another chew session. Here the Commander is personally insulted that his commands have been ignored and denied. It’s personal now, Commander does not like Cuccinelli AT ALL.

6. Circumstances conspire to leave us several officers short. Cooch must be assigned to a 4-ship patrol, no choice, even though Commander is skeptical. Backed into a corner by circumstances, Commander’s dilemma is reminiscent of the aircraft carrier commander at the beginning of Top Gun: “you guys lucked out, I have to send you to Top Gun”.

7. That goddam Cuccinelli has apparently forged a real team out of that 4-ship, they sink one destroyer and damage the second. Commander sees the changes in Cuccinelli’s attitude, sees Cooch’s natural leadership not as an issue because it’s untamed, but as an asset because now it’s disciplined.

8. Destroyers phased out, new targets are armed barges. Torpedoes useless, PTs revert to gunboats. Cuccinelli shows great maturity, patience, etc, wins Navy Cross. Commander further sees value in Cooch, and wants to promote him as useful to the war effort.

OPENING ONE:

EXT ON WATER -NIGHT

TE1: Cooch (XO on the 129) rises to the occasion -but imperfectly – when his skipper is injured in a night time attack. Cooch takes the conn and engages the enemy but in a reckless manner.

EXT ON WATER -NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT: Cooch overplays his hand, almost gets self and crew killed in dangerous maneuvers. Manages to escape whole.

EXT ON WATER – NIGHT

TE2: Destroyer sunk, but ambiguous as to whether it’s 129’s torpedoes.

OPENING TWO:

INT SQUADRON HQ – DAY

TE1: Cooch is bawled out by Squadron Commander

EXT ON WATER – NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT: Cooch is given the dogshit assignment, securing an Aussie coastwatcher from an island

EXT ON WATER – NIGHT

TE2: the pickup goes bad, the Japanese were lying in wait. It almost costs Cooch the coastwatcher, his boat is damaged, and he loses one sailor, because he took undue risks

EXT ON WATER – DAY

TE3: Cooch waits too long, now it’s daybreak, has to limp home in the morning sun. Encounters a Navy bomber with a Zero on its tail, helps take out the Zero, rescues the rear gunner Sanchez

INT SQUADRON HQ – DAY

TE3: Cooch bawled out again by Squadron Commander

OPENING THREE:

EXT – DOCKS – LATE AFTERNOON

TE1: Circumstances force Commander’s hand, he assigns Cooch to a 4-ship “but only for 72 hours” until he can bring in someone else

EXT ON WATER – NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT: In the event, Cooch’s boat sees two destroyers instead of one on radar, uses discreet radio signal to bring help from other PTs. One destroyer sunk, the other damaged.

TE2: Cooch has his “awshit” moment – where he almost gets himself -and his crew – killed, AGAIN, by being rash, or undisciplined, but is saved by random “fog of war”

INT – SQUADRON HQ – DAY

TE2: Now Cooch is back in Commander’s good graces but success is secretly built on contradicting the Commander’s orders

OPENING FOUR:

EXT ON WATER – NIGHT

TE1: Cooch maintains attack on barges (destroyers gone) and shows maturity and patience in execution

INCITING INCIDENT: While on attack, another PT shows up, Cooch coordinates an attack “almost by mind meld” the way musicians can play with each other and “know” where the music is going. He shows restraint and succeeds in sinking 4 barges.

TE2: Cooch earns a Navy Cross for his courage, and so do the other 2 skippers

0

[Ron Berti]

Ron Berti’s Beat Sheet

What I learned writing this assignment: there really IS a discipline to getting it down on paper even when it’s not yet “perfect”. One’s emotional reaction to seeing the assignment incomplete or not yet entirely lined up with the thrust of the movie is to obsess over it, want to beat it into submission. It takes courage and confidence (in one’s own skill, presumably) to just get it down, fill in the slug lines and call it a complete assignment. Just doesn’t feel natural. Maybe that’s the clue- we’re learning to be comfortable with approaches that can’t provide comfortable. We’ll “fix it in rewrites”. It’s beginning to make sense to me but it’s a new way of looking at things.

OPENING ONE:

EXT ON WATER -NIGHT

TE1: Cooch (XO on the 129) rises to the occasion -but imperfectly – when his skipper is injured in a night time attack. Cooch takes the conn and engages the enemy but in a reckless manner.

EXT ON WATER -NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT: Cooch overplays his hand, almost gets self and crew killed in dangerous maneuvers. Manages to escape whole.

EXT ON WATER – NIGHT

TE2: Destroyer sunk, but ambiguous as to whether it’s 129’s torpedoes.

OPENING TWO:

INT SQUADRON HQ – DAY

TE1: Cooch is bawled out by Squadron Commander

EXT ON WATER – NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT: Cooch is given the dogshit assignment, securing an Aussie coastwatcher from an island

EXT ON WATER – NIGHT

TE2: the pickup goes bad, the Japanese were lying in wait. It almost costs Cooch the coastwatcher, his boat is damaged, and he loses one sailor, because he took undue risks

EXT ON WATER – DAY

TE3: Cooch waits too long, now it’s daybreak, has to limp home in the morning sun. Encounters a Navy bomber with a Zero on its tail, helps take out the Zero, rescues the rear gunner Sanchez

INT SQUADRON HQ – DAY

TE3: Cooch bawled out again by Squadron Commander

OPENING THREE:

EXT – DOCKS – LATE AFTERNOON

TE1: Circumstances force Commander’s hand, he assigns Cooch to a 4-ship “but only for 72 hours” until he can bring in someone else

EXT ON WATER – NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT: In the event, Cooch’s boat sees two destroyers instead of one on radar, uses discreet radio signal to bring help from other PTs. One destroyer sunk, the other damaged.

TE2: Cooch has his “awshit” moment – where he almost gets himself -and his crew – killed, AGAIN, by being rash, or undisciplined, but is saved by random “fog of war”

INT – SQUADRON HQ – DAY

TE2: Now Cooch is back in Commander’s good graces but success is secretly built on contradicting the Commander’s orders

OPENING FOUR:

EXT ON WATER – NIGHT

TE1: Cooch maintains attack on barges (destroyers gone) and shows maturity and patience in execution

INCITING INCIDENT: While on attack, another PT shows up, Cooch coordinates an attack “almost by mind meld” the way musicians can play with each other and “know” where the music is going. He shows restraint and succeeds in sinking 4 barges.

TE2: Cooch earns a Navy Cross for his courage, and so do the other 2 skippers

[Ron Berti]

Ron’s Transformational Events

What I learned from writing this lesson:

This is where we put the transformational “meat” on the story’s bones. It is these incidents that are the heart of the story. With this new 30 day screenplay technique, this is where one can imagine the whole story, soup to nuts. I can see the importance of Hal’s reminder – it doesn’t have to be perfect. Get SOMETHING down on paper, during this step, and then I can come back for rewrites. But this is now one level above the outline, we’re putting muscle on bone. Had a good time writing this part.

1. Cooch completes an attack but loses one sailor, his boat sustains moderate damage and he himself is wounded, slightly

2. Cooch saves a back seat gunner in a damaged bomber and spares the Japanese pilot

3. Cooch is reassigned to less front-line efforts such as picking up a coast watcher. Here he falls into a Japanese trap and his boat is damaged again,but nobody is injured and he successfully gets the coastwatcher out.

4. Cooch is back in the saddle, has the commander’s confidence again. Participates in an attack by using a signaling system that is banned, but it works. Back in the Commander’s good graces (although he doesn’t know about the not following orders)

5. Cooch “loses” John Kennedy, another boat captain. He is assumed dead. It’s becoming clear to Cooch what the stakes are in these nightly forays.

5. Cooch plans an off-the-books attack, 4 simultaneous attacks on 4 Japanese depots on Kolombaranga. He succeeds in his task but one of the other boat captains is severely injured.

6. Cooch leads an attack on two destroyers, and sinks one of them, using his signaling system

Applied to my four-act structure:

1. In Scene 1, Cooch completes an attack but his reckless ways cost him a sailor’s life, some damage to his boat, and a personal injury. He’s starting to see this isn’t tiddly winks

2. In Scene 2, Cooch attempts to get a coastwatcher off his island, goes outside protocol, it’s a Japanese trap, he falls into it. Manages to get the coastwatcher out but now he’s come close to death twice in a couple of weeks.

3. In Scene 3, Cooch has the Commander’s confidence again, is assigned to a squadron, but is secretly setting up a techically banned but in fact useful technique for coordinating PT attacks. They damage a destroyer in the attack.

4. Cooch uses the secret signaling system to sink two destroyers; is celebrated upon return to Rendova; becomes squadron commander; and institutes a new signaling policy.

[Ron Berti]

<div>Ron Berti – 4 Act Transformational Structure</div><div>

What I learned writing this lesson: this IS the “framework” of the movie. I kinda sorta knew that before, but in the process of writing this outline, I had to let go of a few scenes that have been bouncing around in my head for months because…………they didn’t fit anywhere, they might have been useful in some OTHER version of this story, but they no longer fit in THIS version of the story. And I had to really focus on the turning points, because that’s where the story is, where the turns are tell us the highlights of the story (“Tony Stark decides to stop making weapons and focus on a bulletproof suit that he can use to help humanity”).

I know this outline may change (and if it does there may be room for those now deleted scenes), but now I have a direct path for my hero’s journey, the turning points are clearer than they have been to make the story engaging to the audience. Taking the traditional 3 act structure to a 4 act structure seemed to make this new structure flow more easily, not sure why. My task now is to not get too attached to any given scene and to focus on the scenes that move THIS story forward. There could be a thousand versions of this story, but I need to write my version such that it demands the audience ride along with this hero’s journey, and so whatever fits in this structure can stay, but everything else has to go.

Mosquito Squadron – Outline

</div><div>

Concept: a young Naval officer on PT boats in the Solomons in 1943 grows from a reckless loose cannon to becoming a warrior with patience, resolve and discipline

Main Conflict: Squadron Commander; also a second, his favorite boat captain, who is exceedingly cautious (a foil) and “favored” by the Commander. Secondary conflict is the entire Japanese Imperial Navy.

Old Ways: Impetuous, reckless, doesn’t follow orders

New Ways: follows orders (mostly); measured; patient, now dangerous to enemy not own crew. Better understanding that it’s not a victory if you don’t come back from it.

Act 1:

• Opening: lying in wait in dark, immediate battle scene. Takes excessive chances but doesn’t cost him…………much.
• Inciting Incident: gets chewed out by Sq Commander, good and hard.
• Turning point: still doesn’t listen……….much. Gossips, creates tension in squadron.

Act 2:

• Opening: Assigned less glam duties as punishment, picking up Aussie coastwatcher.
• Inciting Incident: encounters Japanese trap close combat- loses coastwatcher, takes some damage to boat, personally sustains personal injury
• Midpoint turning point: worried he’ll stifle his own success, starts to contemplate new more respectful attitude, increase in humility

Act 3:

• Rethink everything: allowed to participate in combat ops again as “reward” for new attitude
• New Plan: succeeds at some combat task – hailed by Sq Commander – acceptance. Shows maturity, growth.
• Turning point/major shift: (“can’t help himself”) organizes a raid on several Japanese strong points with other boat captains, mixed success, 3 sailors lost, 1 boat severely damaged. Bad effect on squadron officers, directly contradicting commander. Several boat captains want him court-martialed.

Act 4:

• Climax/Ultimate Expression: change in Japanese tactics leaves destroyers behind, move to armored, armed barges. Protagonist adjusts well, he’s more disciplined but the environment has changed, too, more favorable to his brand of aggressiveness. Protagonist goes out and kicks Japanese ass.
• Resolution: protagonist becomes squadron commander, but has old commander’s blessing and the admiration of his fellow boat captains

</div><div>

</div>

[Ron Berti]

Arrgh. In prior courses I have allowed myself to become overwhelmed and started slipping assignments. I was determined not to do that this time, but I looked for my 2nd assignment (which I “thought” I had submitted well before the deadline) but it appears to not be there. Can I go back and fill it in? It appears to not be the case.

I’ll go on with subsequent assignments, and today I will start paying a lot more attention to my fellow classmates and their writing. Just discouraged that somehow, I “thought” I did the work for the 2nd assignment and then managed to not get it posted. 🙁

[Ron Berti]

Ron Berti’s character interview

This was fun. What I learned from this lesson: these techniques are really valuable
to deepen my understanding of my main characters at an emotional level.
I’m reminded that the whole point of the movie is an emotional journey,
and that it’s the interaction of various individual characters and
their emotional “Baggage” (what they bring to the event) that makes the
story interesting to the audience. For example, I learned (I observed myself as I was typing this) “I’m the only guy in the squadron that doesn’t call him ‘Cooch'”. That’s the level of detail that one needs, I guess, to write a compelling screenplay, a subtle, “below the surface” emotional understanding of (especially) the protagonist and antagonist.

Interview with Lt(jg) Domenico Cuccinelli

I’m just an ordinary guy, but I lost my older brother at Pearl Harbor. I’m pissed, I want to go out and kill as many Japanese in retaliation as I can. Getting to PTs meant I’ve got command of my own vessel – admittedly a small vessel, but it’s mine. I think in a time of war one has to step up for one’s nation all right but for me this is personal.

There are guys in the squadron, including the squadron commander, who want to do everything “by the book”. For me that’s way too constraining. I’ll take my shot whenever I can get it. Those people (especially the commander) might court martial me, and so I have to watch out for that. But I’m not going to apologize for wanting to kill Japs. That’s why I’m here.

I’m pretty sure I have things I need to learn, but aggressiveness and being willing to break some rules aren’t on that list. Right now I can’t imagine what I need to learn, and while I hope to not have to “learn the hard way”, I’m ready for anything.

Habits – really don’t have any yet, except maybe “habits of thinking”. I intend to be a leading PT boat captain, with multiple successes sinking Japanese destroyers and all the men on them.

Fears and insecurities – you won’t hear me talking about such things. I plan to be fearless and courageous.

I think what makes me particularly suited to this assignment is my aggressiveness. I won’t hesitate to take chances if I think there’s a shot for a payoff.

There’s nothing I want to hide from my contemporaries. There is that seething anger, and the depth of it might frighten my commander, make him think I’m irrational. I need to conceal that from him, but he’ll eventually hear about it from other boat captains, so I will insulate myself by letting him know, in a more rational manner, of my attitudes and rationales. And then once I’m successful I can be more honest with him.

I think if we’re going to win this war we’re all going to have to take big chances. Big risks, big rewards.

I really hate the Japs for starting this war. It’s a detour for me personally, I wanted to be an engineer, and then we had Pearl and I lost Ferdinando, my older brother. So for me, it’s personal. I’m glad the Navy gave me access to this boat, 129, but I’m not here as just a citizen, I’m here as Ferdinando’s brother, and I intend to get my piece of Jap flesh.

If I kill enough Japs, I think it will give me some peace and I’ll be able to get on with my life.

Interview with Lt Walter Dumbrowski

I’m just an ordinary guy from Pittsburgh. I wanted to be a doctor, but now those plans are on hold. I’m here because it’s a man’s duty to come to the aid of his nation when it has been attacked. I was in pre-med in December 41, as soon as I graduated I was recruited by the Navy, specifically for PTs because of my athletic background. I want to keep the war short and get home so I can get back to becoming a doctor.

I think, unlike some other boat captains, that I understand how to follow orders. I will not take undue risks, I know what the standard techniques are they taught us in Melville, and that’s how I intend to run my boat, 152. I will not engage unless everything’s right, I don’t want to risk my men and my boat when it’s unnecessary. I think that’s a strength for me, self-restraint, discipline. I don’t see any personal shortcomings in my character at this time.

I think Cuccinelli is a danger to himself, his crew and his boat. He takes really stupid risks, a demon inside him or something. I don’t like going out on patrol in his group, even though he’s the one with the radar. He makes me nervous. It’s not so much that I want to ruin him or anything, I just don’t want to have anything to do with him. It’s not personal.

If I can avoid being dragged into fights that are too big, that we can’t win, I will succeed at doing my bit for the war effort and going home alive. I really want to get home, I have a great life waiting for me – my fiance, Helen; med school; probably a big home and a big family. I can’t do that if I’m dead or injured.

Cuccinelli is pretty popular among the other boat commanders, so I have to keep my disrespect for him on the down low. I could isolate myself if I seem to have it in for Cuccinelli. I’m the only guy in the squadron that doesn’t call him “Cooch”.

That’s a silly question. I’m not special. I’m just an ordinary guy who wants to get home from this war in one piece so that I can go back to building a life I want.

Most of the guys in the squadron demonstrate professionalism and discipline, and those are the guys I believe will stay safe while prosecuting the war as much as possible. I want to be in their groups, not Cuccinelli’s, because he’s going to get some of his guys killed.

[Ron Berti]

Ron Berti

2. My hero is Domenico Cuccinelli, 23, in 1943, recently graduated from college and new to the PT base at Rendova as commander of PT129. He is going to go from an impetuous, angry and dangerous-to-his-own-crew young PT boat captain to a respected, disciplined warrior. He will start the story taking excessive risks, come close to death repeatedly, manage through luck and increasing insight and skill, and eventually learn the value of patience and restraint in life-risking endeavors like war.

3. Old Ways:

Juvenile

Angry

Impetuous

Dangerous to his own crew

Often doesn’t follow orders, feeling he knows better

New Ways:

Measured

Patient

Still dangerous, but now to his enemy

Still doesn’t “entirely” follow orders, but now applies judgment and experienced wisdom

Humble/grateful

4. What I learned from this assignment: When we go to the movies, what we want to see are human stories that are relatable, where we learn to appreciate (whatever that means: love, respect, admire, hate) the details of an individual hero and his or her journey to the end of the movie. The “journey” is what happens internally and externally to our hero. How the hero manages those challenges is the heart of what we want to see, and the journey is an emotional one as we find ourselves rooting for the changes that we already know are coming – because this is a story, and we know to expect this hero’s journey, but also because the Old Ways will not permit the hero to succeed.

[Ron Berti]

Ron Berti

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Ron Berti]

Coach: self-confident, quietly in charge, perfectly at ease in his new role.

Gary: overconfidence of youth, entitled.

The confrontation is one Denzel honed to a fine edge in a dozen movies like this. Faced with resistance/insurrection on his new team, Coach puts Gary in his place by mishearing his name and making up a story about how his name “must be Jerry” – “and that makes you Dean Martin”. He takes the initiative by loudly proclaiming to the assembled parents that “this here is Jerry and Dean and they’re coming to camp with us this year”, an embarrassment meant to further put Gary in his place. And then the “who’s your daddy?” back-and-forth, where Gary is forced to admit that he will submit to the Coach’s will or he won’t play. Nice touch at the end, where Coach tells “Dean” in a softer way, “clean up that tie, son”.

This confrontation was bound to happen sooner or later. Coach reveals himself to be utterly in charge of his own emotions and of his expectations for his players. Gary cannot compete with that level of self-assurance and eventually folds and gets on the bus, chastened for his iimpunity.

So what we get is that Coach is going to be demanding, that he’s in charge, but not with anger. He’s going to be reasonable, quiet, polite. But he’s going to be in charge. I was SO impressed with the writing behind this scene, hope mine rises to this level one day.

[Ron Berti]

Will is confident in his own abilities but aware that in this crowd (Harvard) he doesn’t have the graces and attributes of the “golden” kids who are there, nor the money

Skylar is privileged but sensitive to Will, and she loves him for who he is.

Her offer to move to CA triggers something in Will that reminds him that he’s not of her class, and he worries that she might eventually find him tiresome and abandon him. When she tries to convince him that she’s in love with him and that the invitation is a largely non-risky action for his own happiness (with her), Will’s reaction goes even deeper and he starts to accuse her of “slumming” with him, seeing her time with him as a temporary fling…

Given this level of enmity towards Skylar’s “class”, it’s hard to see how they could ever settle down together, and that wounds Skylar.

[Ron Berti]

Jack: Boy Scout, may be in love with Kate, caring, a “good guy”

Sawyer: bad boy (sexy), finagler (has booze), manipulative, dangerous

Kate: mysterious, vengeful in past, dangerous

Three totally different reveals – an interesting technique

Jack learns from a dying man (FBI agent?) that Kate is a criminal. He learns this by direction from the dying man to his own coat pocket, where there is a page of booking photos. What does this mean about the woman Jack has been falling in love with?

Sawyer: playfully sitting around a campfire, drinking the mini bottles found on aircraft. Says he’s got a lot more. Confident, clearly a finagler/bad boy. Starts a game of “I never” (never heard of the game), and there are some surprises there. Starts with “never kissed a man”, she counters with “never work pink” (he mutters something about the 80s); they’re opening up over the campfire. And eventually he says “never killed a man”. And Kate drinks, letting us know that she HAS killed a man. And then Sawyer drinks “I guess we do have something in common after all”. Intriguing, what more is there to learn about this guy?

The third reveal is for us, the audience, it’s backstory. In it we see Kate help her (husband) into the house, drunk. Puts him in bed as a good wife is wont to do, to let him sleep it off. But then she walks out the door, fires up the motorcycle and leaves. As we watch her depart, the entire house blows up. She has just killed that guy.

It occurs to me that the sequence in which the audience sees these three reveals can change how we react to all three characters. The drama comes from the fact that people are creating emotional attachments, there’s the instability of the love triangle, we want to root for Jack but now the object of his affection seems to be damaged goods in some way; and she has some attraction to Sawyer. Where’s this all going to go?

[Ron Berti]

I note that the three scenes you’ve had us dissect so far are all dialog-heavy, not action scenes. That seems to fly in the face of the admonition to “show, not tell”. Am I misunderstanding that old saw? Or misapplying it?

[Ron Berti]

Junah: curious and anxious to know if he’s “still got it”, verbal challenge to stroke by Bagger, 2 duffs and then a nice drive – all in the middle of the night. Clearly a man who needs a little something to be right.

Bagger: “big talker”, loquacious, funny, lighthearted, goes on and on about grip, “no I don’t play golf” (but seems to be thoroughly aware of its processes and details), reveals acknowledgement of Junah’s history winning (this is no chance meeting), refuses $1000 fee, wants a $5 free (why would THAT be?). Conversation dominated by interruptions, the sort of banter that in lesser hands would have just seemed annoying. It IS a little annoying, but simultaneously charming. Clearly Bagger is a finagler, but appears to be on Junah’s side.

The drama comes from wondering “who is this guy?”. He has an unusual way of speaking, some of what he says to Junah is a little disrespectful (“no sir, I walked up right in the middle of where you were hitting, which I think kept me safe”. “You a golfer?” “We have to find it”. On the surface, here’s this “magic Negro” (I’ve heard that term applied to other mysteriously competent Black protagonists) who seems to be provocative towards Junah, but somehow on his side, wanting to caddy cheap and with a plan to regain Junah’s stroke. This is a staple of golf movies, and one can’t help but wonder where this relationship is going to go.

[Ron Berti]

We see two characters, a male and a female, on the lam with a concurrent radio news announcement that there’s a giant manhunt under way. Are these two the subject of the manhunt? Seems like it. It’s reminiscent of the story of Mary being told by the Archangel Gabriel that she’s going to find herself mysteriously pregnant with the Savior. Just like Mary, Sarah rejects the idea, can’t imagine what this guy “from the future” is talking about. “Do I look like the mother of the future”?

Sarah’s traits are that she’s unsure of herself, confused by what she’s been told but now, in the aftermath of some prior action, beginning to contemplate that maybe this IS real. “Are you sure you have the right person?”

Kyle’s traits are that he’s focused and determined, “I’d die for John Connor”. He wants to ignore his wound but Sarah patches him up (must be a small wound). He’s considerate too, when he sees Sarah shivering he comes over to put his arm around her for warmth. Altogether an admirable traveling companion.

The drama comes from Sarah learning that while “the future is not set”, the future from which Kyle came is a dystopia in which her unborn son, John Connor, is leading a resistance, apparently quite successfully; that part of the legend about her is that she taught John Connor to fight and to organize from his being a small child; that John Connor, at least among this bunch of brigands, is highly regarded and seen as a salvation for a world gone mad. And that’s against a background of the world having generally descended into a repressive state with 24/7 surveillance and a way of life that is the antithesis of the American way.

Of course, Kyle is delivering a shocking message that, for him, is not all that shocking. He knows John Connor well enough to say “he has your eyes”. Remember we’re talking about someone (John Connor) who’s close to both of these characters but he doesn’t exist yet. A mind-bending concept that’s tough to get your head around.

But the character building is clear – Sarah is accepting now of a hard-to-imagine idea that this guy is from the future and her unborn son is going to lead a revolution. And she’s adjusting as fast as it is possible for a human to adjust.

[Ron Berti]

<div>I couldn’t decide which of two scenes to use for a rewrite with my new insights. One was an introductory scene with lots of dialog. The other was an action scene without much dialog (respectively). I wasn’t sure that the dialog-heavy scene lent itself very well to rewriting it, that might reflect my being stuck. But given that we’ve just met these characters, I fussed some trying to apply the techniques of Good Will Hunting which, in retrospect, were pretty well done and actually pretty obvious. Although applying those lessons to my own writing seems elusive.</div><div>

So I tried to alter my action scene and found myself delving into wordsmithing, which Hal describes as “NOT what we’re doing here”. So I’m a little stuck, I will go on to the next lesson and continue to contemplate how to achieve this depth. But right now it’s elusive as hell.

</div>

[Ron Berti]

At first glance, it’s clear that Will is extremely well read and pretty self-confident. Skylar is cocky, privileged, self-impressed, almost a caricature. Chuckie is full of the Boston puffery – “faking it till you make it” so common in that city, which I know well – but he is not, himself, nearly as well-informed as Will. On a purely meritocratic basis, Will is THE MAN.

What I noticed on the second pass was Will naming specific historians, thoroughly knowledgeable about the premier controversies and discussions in contemporary history (which, when you think about it, is tough to do given that Will’s key fascination is math). We see Will step up and make an accusation of plagiarism. Skylar reacts with class conflict, feeling superior to this upstart, even though clearly the upstart is at least his equal on an objective basis. And then Will closes with an invitation to “step outside”, where Skylar folds.

It got me wondering – this script was written by Afflack and Damon, where did they come up with all the background knowledge to make Will sound so smaht?

[Ron Berti]

Ron Berti.

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Ron Berti]

My name is Ron Berti. I am writing my first (and perhaps only) script because my dad was in PT boats in WWII and it has gotten a total of ONE serious treatment (“They Were Expendable”) in the late 40s, starring John Wayne. I am an old dog at this point, retired, and this is a sort of passion project. I have been recognized for quality writing since I was in high school, and now I want to learn the conventions of this medium. May never sell the script, but I want there to be one, and I want to feel, when I’m done, that it DESERVES to be purchased and turned into a feature film.

[Ron Berti]

Your idea for a rewrite, once you said it, was an obvious way to apply the breakthrough. Thanks, you’ve got me feeling some creative juices.