Roscoe Pond
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Subject Line: Roscoe – Thriller Map Version 2.
Title: Navajo Skinwalker
Logline: A tribal cop investigates mysterious murders off the Indian Reservation
Thriller Map below….
EXT. HIGHWAY – SANTA FE – NIGHT
An unknown person wearing a wolf fur-coat runs alongside an SUV. An arm bashes in the driver side window – with force. The SUV loses control and drives off of the highway. It rolls over twice. The unknown person steps around the SUV. That person runs into the darkness.
EXT. HIGHWAY – SANTA FE – MORNING
Stephen and his tribal cop partner Billy investigate the accident. Billy looks over at several Navajo Indians singing and praying on the highway. Billy tells Stephen that it was the “Tso” family. His ex-wife Gabby Tso wasn’t inside the SUV. Stephen wonders why they were called. This is off of the Indian Reservation.
Stephen and Billy look at animal prints around the SUV. Those prints are larger than any normal animal. They both follow those prints as they disappear into the Santa Fe dirt.
Stephen and Billy assume the animal is a skinwalker/witch. Why did this skinwalker kill the Tso family? Stephen struggles with how to explain these deaths as “spiritual” in nature.
A fearful county sheriff approaches Stephen and Billy. He tells them that they have no law enforcement “funding” to help with this accident. They are on their own. Stephen tells the sheriff that it was the homicide of a Navajo family clan.
EXT. SANTA FE – GABBY’S TRAILER – NIGHT
Stephen and Billy are in their tribal cop uniforms. They get out of their truck and approach the trailer home of Gabby Tso. They both stop and aim their flashlights in the distance – past the back yard. A male picks up bloody animal limbs and shoves them inside a bag.
Stephen and Billy get to the front door. They over-hear Gabby arguing on the phone. Kathy is mentioned. Stephen whispers that she is Gabby’s aunt.
Stephen whispers to Billy that he never trusted Gabby. She committed infidelity during their marriage. She is dedicated though to her Navajo family clan. He bets that she might know about this skinwalker/witch. Why did it kill Gabby’s family?
EXT. BACK YARD – GABBY’S TRAILER – CONTINUOUS
The skinwalker/witch had “shape-shifted” into a black wolf. It is larger than a normal wolf with “red eyes.” It approaches Gabby’s trailer and sniffs the ground. It stops and growls after smelling the cedar ash which is spread around the trailer.
The wolf watches Stephen and Billy leave the home. Gabby stands on the porch watching them leave. Stephen’s truck drives off and the wolf races after them.
INT. STEPHEN’S TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
The truck drives up the gravel road. Stephen is in the dirver seat. Suddenly, an arm bashes through the window. Stephen swerves the truck. He looks in the side mirror and sees an unknown person in wolf-fur. It is running alongside the truck.
The skinwalker tries to bash Stephen again. Billy leans over and shoots the skinwalker in the face. It turns into dust and disappears.
Stephen stops the truck. He says that it was a skinwalker. They crossed its’ path. He thinks it is after Gabby.
EXT. LIVING ROOM – JACK’S HOME – DAY
Stephen and Billy interview Gabby’s uncle Jack. He tells them that someone dug up Kevin’s grave. He’s Gabby’s older brother who died in that car crash. Kevin’s traditional clothes were stolen. Why?
Jack also tells them that there’s supposed to be a family meeting. It’s over the “will” of Gabby’s mother who was also killed.
Stephen tells Billy that he always liked uncle Jack. He thinks though that Jack is lying to him.
Stephen and Billy find out that Gabby’s aunt Kathy recently attended a Navajo skinwalker meeting. They also discover that Gabby has disappeared.
EXT. GRAVE YARD – SANTA FE – DAY
Stephen and Billy interview aunt Kathy over Kevin’s grave. He is her nephew. She is angry and starts an argument over why she went to that skinwalker meeting. Is she a witch? Kathy threatens both Stephen and Gabby. She admits that if she had a chance to kill Gabby. She would. Why?
EXT. PARK – SANTA FE – DAY
Gabby leans against her car and talks on the phone with a lawyer. She mentions her mother and waves at an elder Navajo lady – who sits on a bench.
Gabby’s own grandmother had died. She talks with this elder who says that her aunt Kathy is rumored to be a skinwalker/witch.
The grandmother warns Gabby to be careful. Especially at night when skinwalkers come out.
EXT. PARKING LOT – SANTA FE – NIGHT
Gabby meets up with two friends inside a dirt parking lot. The skinwalker appears wearing wolf fur. It speaks for the first time, but in a male voice. He says Gabby is not protected anymore. They all run away including Gabby.
The skinwalker “shape-shifts” into three black wolves with “red eyes.” They attack one of Gabby’s friends and rip a part her body. Stephen and Billy show up. Billy shoots one wolf who eats the friend’s throat. It disappears into dust.
The two other wolves chase down Gabby on a bike path. Stephen runs over those wolves with his truck. They disappear and Gabby is protected.
Gabby says this is the closest the skinwalker had gotten to her.
EXT. GRAVE YARD – SANTA FE – DAY.
Stephen had always been skeptical about shaman’s. A modern female shaman gives him the phone number of a gun shop owner. That owner hands over special bullets to Stephen. What kind of bullets are they?
EXT. GRAVE YARD – SANTA FE – NIGHT
Stephen, Billy and Gabby use those special bullets to kill the skinwalker. The face of the skinwalker is finally revealed. They figure out why “it” wanted Gabby dead.
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Subject Line: Roscoe’s Thriller Map – Version 1
“What I learned is…?” That my thriller is becoming more clear with MIS. I’m still working on this, but here is the beginning.
EXT. HIGHWAY – SANTA FE – NIGHT
An unknown person wearing a wolf fur-coat runs alongside an SUV. An arm bashes in the driver side window – with force. The SUV loses control and drives off of the highway. It rolls over twice. The unknown person steps around the SUV. He/she runs into the darkness.
EXT. HIGHWAY – SANTA FE – DAY
Stephen and his tribal cop partner Billy investigate the accident. Billy looks over at several Navajo people singing and praying on the highway. Billy tells Stephen that it was the “Tso” family. His ex-wife Gabby Tso wasn’t inside the SUV. Stephen wonders why they were called since this is off the Indian Reservation.
Stephen and Billy look at animal prints around the SUV. Those prints are larger than any normal animal. They both follow those prints as they disappear into the Santa Fe dirt.
Stephen and Billy assume the animal is a skinwalker/witch. Why did this skinwalker kill the Tso family? Stephen struggles with how to explain these deaths as “spiritual” in nature.
A fearful county sheriff approaches Stephen and Billy. He tells them that they have no law enforcement “funding” to help with this accident. They are on their own. Stephen tells the sheriff that it was the homicide of a Navajo family clan.
EXT. SANTA FE – NIGHT
Stephen and Billy are stll in their tribal cop uniforms. They get out of their truck and approach the trailer home of Gabby Tso. They both stop and aim their flashlights in the distance – past the back yard. A male picks up bloody animal limbs and shoves them inside a bag.
Stephen and Billy get to the front door which is partially open. They over-hear Gabby arguing with a woman named Kathy. Stephen whispers that Kathy is Gabby’s aunt. Gabby soon yells about her grandmother.
Stephen whispers to Billy that he never trusted Gabby. She committed infidelity during their marriage. She is dedicated though to her Navajo family clan. He bets that she may know about this skinwalker/witch. Why did it kill Gabby’s family?
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Subject Line: Roscoe – Misdirects…When Appropriate!
“What I learned is…?” I might over mis-direct with clues. I need to work on this assignment. Interesting….
OPENING: A Navajo family is killed by a Skinwalker/Witch.
What is a skinwalker/witch? Why did the skinwalker kill the family?
INCITING INCIDENT: Tribal Cop is called into investigate Navajo deaths. Off the Indian Reservation.
Why are animal tracks larger than normal at crime scene?
OVERT CLUE: Stephen and Partner assume the tracks are from a skinwalker. This family clan might have an enemy.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Can tribal cop Stephen explain these deaths as spiritual in nature?
TWIST: A fearful, County Sheriff, says there is no money to help Stephen investigate. He’s on his own.
TURNING POINT 1: Stephen goes to home of his Navajo ex-wife Gabby.
CLUE MIS-DIRECTION: Gabby’s dog is torn apart by the limbs.
COVERT CLUE: Stephen and partner over-hear Gabby arguing with aunt Kathy about grandmother.
MIS-TRUST: Stephen divorced Gabby because of her infidelity.
TRUST: Gabby never lied about her Navajo traditions. She knows a skinwalker is after her.
Why does the skinwalker follow Stephen? How come the skinwalker shape-shifts into a black wolf?
CURRENT DIRECTION: Why does wolf stop at the cedar ash circle around Gabby’s home?
TWIST: Gabby stands inside that circle and the wolf won’t cross it. She is protected.
CURRENT DIRECTION: The skinwalker attacks Stephen’s truck.
TWIST: Stephen’s cop partner shoots the skinwalker who disappears into dust.
Gabby wasn’t inside the car crash that killed her family.
MIDPOINT: Stephen interviews Gabby’s uncle Jack.
CHARACTER MIS-DIRECTION: Jack tells Stephen that someone dug up Kevin’s grave. He’s the brother of Gabby.
OVERT CLUE: Jack tells Stephen and partner that there is supposed to be a family meeting. It’s about the “Will” of Gabby’s mother who was killed.
TRUST: Stephen always respected Gabby’s uncle Jack. The in-law supported Stephen in his divorce.
MIS-TRUST: Stephen believes Jack is lying to him for some reason.
Why does Gabby’s aunt Kathy attend a skinwalker meeting? Gabby then disappears.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Why does aunt Kathy threaten Stephen and Gabby?
TWIST: Aunt Kathy admits if she had the chance to kill Gabby. She would.
COVERT CLUE: Gabby sits in her car and finishes talking to a lawyer.
Why does Gabby visit a Navajo grandmother?
DIALOGUE MIS-DIRECTION: Grandmother says no likes Gabby’s aunt nor her uncle.
MIS-TRUST: Gabby never trusted anyone but her own dead grandmother.
TRUST: Gabby discovers an elder grandmother who helps her with this skinwalker.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Skinwalker catches up to Gabby.
TWIST: Skinwalker shape shifts into wolves and they kill Gabby’s close friend.
TURNING POINT 2: Stephen protects Gabby.
Why does Stephen and partner argue about why skinwalker is after her? Why does Stephen go to a modern Shaman? What did a gun shop owner give Stephen?
MIS-TRUST: Stephen never believed in any kind of shaman.
TRUST: A female shaman sends Stephen in the right direction concerning this skinwalker.
Climax: Stephen and Gabby fight against the skinwalker.
Resolution: The skinwalker is finally killed.
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Subject Line: Roscoe – Gives Great Clues.
“What I learned is…?” The covert clues can keep audience interested. I have only 4 Clues. 2 Overt and 2 Covert. I’m still brain storming Covert Clues… I LOVE THIS.!!
OPENING: A Navajo family is killed by a Skinwalker/Witch.
What is a skinwalker/witch? Why did the skinwalker kill the family?
INCITING INCIDENT: Tribal Cop is called into investigate Navajo deaths. Off the Indian Reservation.
Why are animal tracks larger than normal at crime scene?
OVERT CLUE: Stephen and Partner assume the tracks are from a skinwalker. This family clan might have an enemy.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Can tribal cop Stephen explain these deaths as spiritual in nature?
TWIST: A fearful, County Sheriff, says there is no money to help Stephen investigate. He’s on his own.
TURNING POINT 1: Stephen goes to home of his Navajo ex-wife Gabby.
COVERT CLUE: Stephen and partner over-hear Gabby on her iPhone. She’s arguing with aunt Kathy about grandmother.
MIS-TRUST: Stephen divorced Gabby because of her infidelity.
TRUST: Gabby never lied about her Navajo traditions. She knows a skinwalker is after her.
Why does the skinwalker follow Stephen? How come the skinwalker shape-shifts into a black wolf?
CURRENT DIRECTION: Why does wolf stop at the cedar ash circle around Gabby’s home?
TWIST: Gabby stands inside that circle and the wolf won’t cross it. She is protected.
CURRENT DIRECTION: The skinwalker attacks Stephen’s truck.
TWIST: Stephen’s cop partner shoots the skinwalker who disappears into dust.
Gabby wasn’t inside the car crash that killed her family.
MIDPOINT: Stephen interviews Gabby’s uncle Jack.
OVERT CLUE: Jack tells Stephen and partner that there is supposed to be a family meeting. It’s about Gabby’s mother who was killed.
TRUST: Stephen always respected Gabby’s uncle Jack. The in-law supported Stephen in his divorce.
MIS-TRUST: Stephen believes Jack is lying to him for some reason.
Why does Gabby’s aunt Kathy attend a skinwalker meeting? Gabby then disappears.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Why does aunt Kathy threaten Stephen and Gabby?
TWIST: Aunt Kathy admits if she had the chance to kill Gabby. She would.
COVERT CLUE: Gabby sits in her car and finishes talking to a powerful lawyer.
Why does Gabby visit a Navajo grandmother?
MIS-TRUST: Gabby never trusted anyone but her own dead grandmother.
TRUST: Gabby discovers an elder grandmother who helps her with this skinwalker.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Skinwalker catches up to Gabby.
TWIST: Skinwalker shape shifts into wolves and they kill Gabby’s close friend.
TURNING POINT 2: Stephen protects Gabby.
Why does Stephen and partner argue about why skinwalker is after her? Why does Stephen go to a modern Shaman? What did a gun shop owner give Stephen?
MIS-TRUST: Stephen never believed in any kind of shaman.
TRUST: A female shaman sends Stephen in the right direction concerning this skinwalker.
Climax: Stephen and Gabby fight against the skinwalker.
Resolution: The skinwalker is finally killed.
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Subject line: Roscoe’s – Dramatic Reveals
What I learned is.? This helps with with overall truth. I was wondering when I could reveal the mystery of my villain. Dramatically of course. I’m working on reveals for rest of thriller map.
Reveal 1:
Suspense: The dark night. The driver side of vehicle bashed in.
Intrigue: A single car crash.
Mystery: It looks like an accident.
Mystery: The car flipped over only once.
Reveal: Members of a Navajo family.
Reveal 2:
Intrigue: The tribal cop comes from the Indian Reservation to investigate.
Mystery: Why is the County sheriff afraid.
Intrigue: The tribal cop is told he’s on his own with no county help.
Intrigue: Crime scene. Traditional Navajo people sing cultural songs.
Reveal: The tribal cop knows the “Tso” family who were killed.
Reveal 3:
Mystery: Tribal cop wonders why the dent in car is huge.
Mystery: Why are animal tracks larger than normal at crime scene?
Mystery: Why isn’t the sister Gabby Tso with her family?
Intrigue: Tribal cop follows big tracks until they disappear.
Reveal: Tribal cop confesses to partner that Gabby Tso is his ex-wife.
Reveal 4:
Suspense: A black wolf with “red eyes” follows Tribal cop to Gabby’s house.
Intrigue: Cedar ash has been spread in a cricle around Gabby’s home.
Mystery: Why is wolf afraid of the cedar ash circle?
Reveal: Tribal cop interviews Gabby who says a Navajo skinwalker/witch is following her.
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Subject Line: Roscoe’s – Trust Relationships
“What I learned is…?” How much relationships add another layer to the mystery story. Thank God – this is just a rough draft. This still needs work, but moving in good direction.
OPENING: A Navajo family is killed by a Skinwalker/Witch.
What is a skinwalker/witch? Why did the skinwalker kill the family?
INCITING INCIDENT: Tribal Cop is called into investigate Navajo deaths. Off the Indian Reservation.
Why are animal tracks larger than normal at crime scene?
CURRENT DIRECTION: Can tribal cop Stephen explain these deaths as spiritual in nature?
TWIST: A fearful, County Sheriff, says there is no money to help Stephen investigate. He’s on his own.
TURNING POINT 1: Stephen goes to home of his Navajo ex-wife Gabby.
MIS-TRUST: Stephen divorced Gabby because of her infidelity.
TRUST: Gabby never lied about her Navajo traditions. She knows a skinwalker is after her.
Why does the skinwalker follow Stephen? How come the skinwalker shape-shifts into a black wolf?
CURRENT DIRECTION: Why does wolf stop at the cedar ash circle around Gabby’s home?
TWIST: Gabby stands inside that circle and the wolf won’t cross it. She is protected.
Gabby is later found with bruises on her face.
CURRENT DIRECTION: The skinwalker attacks Stephen’s truck.
TWIST: Stephen’s cop partner shoots the skinwalker who disappears into dust.
Gabby wasn’t inside the car crash that killed her family.
MIDPOINT: Stephen interviews Gabby’s uncle Jack.
TRUST: Stephen always respected Gabby’s uncle Jack. The in-law supported Stephen in his divorce.
MIS-TRUST: Stephen believes Jack is lying to him for some reason.
Why does Gabby’s aunt Kathy attend a skinwalker meeting? Gabby then disappears.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Why does aunt Kathy threaten Stephen and Gabby?
TWIST: Aunt Kathy admits if she had the chance to kill Gabby. She would.
Why does Gabby visit a Navajo grandmother?
MIS-TRUST: Gabby never trusted anyone but her own dead grandmother.
TRUST: Gabby discovers an elder grandmother who helps her with this skinwalker.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Skinwalker catches up to Gabby.
TWIST: Skinwalker shape shifts into wolves and they kill Gabby’s close friend.
TURNING POINT 2: Stephen protects Gabby.
Why does Stephen go to a modern Shaman? What did a gun shop owner give Stephen?
MIS-TRUST: Stephen never believed in any kind of shaman.
TRUST: A female shaman sends Stephen in the right direction concerning this skinwalker.
Climax: Stephen and Gabby fight against the skinwalker.
Resolution: The skinwalker is finally killed.
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Subject Line: Roscoe’s – Twists and Turns.
“What I learned is…?” A twist can make the story more intriguing. I have to work on more twists and turns though.
OPENING: A Navajo family is killed by a Skinwalker/Witch.
What is a skinwalker/witch? Why did the skinwalker kill the family?
INCITING INCIDENT: Tribal Cop is called into investigate Navajo deaths. Off Indian Reservation.
Why are animal tracks larger than normal at crime scene?
CURRENT DIRECTION: Can tribal cop Stephen explain these deaths as spiritual in nature?
TWIST: A fearful, County Sheriff, says there is no money to help Stephen investigate. He’s on his own.
Turning Point 1: Stephen goes to home of his Navajo ex-wife Gabby.
Why does the skinwalker follow Stephen? How come the skinwalker shape shifts into a black wolf?
CURRENT DIRECTION: Why does wolf stop at the cedar ash circle around Gabby’s home?
TWIST: Gabby stands inside that circle and the wolf won’t cross it. She is protected.
Gabby is later found with bruises on her face.
CURRENT DIRECTION: The skinwalker attacks Stephen’s truck.
TWIST: Stephen’s cop partner shoots the skinwalker who disappears into dust.
Gabby wasn’t inside the car crash that killed her family.
Midpoint: Stephen interviews Gabby’s uncle Jack.
Why does Gabby’s aunt Kathy attend a skinwalker meeting? Gabby then disappears.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Why does aunt Kathy threaten Stephen and Gabby?
TWIST: Aunt Kathy admits if she had the chance to kill Gabby. She would.
Why does Gabby visit a Navajo grandmother?
CURRENT DIRECTION: Skinwalker catches up to Gabby.
TWIST: Skinwalker shape shifts into wolves and they kill Gabby’s close friend.
Turning Point 2: Stephen protects Gabby.
Why does Stephen go to a modern Shaman? What did a gun shop owner give Stephen?
Climax: Stephen and Gabby fight against the skinwalker.
Resolution: The skinwalker is finally killed.
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Subject Line: Roscoe’s – Thriller Plot!
“What I learned is…?” How much clearer my thriller is becoming.
OPENING: A Navajo family is killed by a Skinwalker/Witch.
Mystery 1: What is a skinwalker/witch?
Mystery 2: Why did the skinwalker kill the family?
INCITING INCIDENT: Tribal Cop is called into investigate Navajo deaths.
Mystery 3: Why are animal tracks larger than normal at crime scene?
Mystery 4: Can tribal cop Stephen explain these deaths as spiritual in nature?
TURNING POINT 1: Stephen goes to home of his Navajo ex-wife Gabby.
Mystery 5: Why does the skinwalker follow Stephen?
Mystery 6: How come the skinwalker shape shifts into a black wolf?
Mystery 7: Why does wolf stop at the ash cricle around Gabby’s home?
Life Threatening 1: Gabby has bruises on her face.
Life threatening 2: The skinwalker attacks Stephen’s truck?
Villain Plan 1: Gabby wasn’t inside the car crash that killed her family.
MIDPOINT: Stephen interviews Gabby’s uncle Jack.
Mystery 8: Why does Gabby’s aunt Kathy attend a skinwalker meeting?
Life Threatening 3: Gabby disappears.
Mystery 9: Why does aunt Kathy threaten Stephen and Gabby?
Mystery 10: Why does Gabby visit a Navajo grandmother?
Villain Plan 2: Skinwalker catches up to Gabby.
Life Threatening 4: Skinwalker shape shifts into wolves and they attack Gabby.
TURNING POINT 2: Stephen protects Gabby.
Mystery 11: Why does Stephen go to a modern Shaman?
Mystery 12: Why did a gun shop owner give Stephen?
CLIMAX: Stephen and Gabby fight against the skinwalker.
RESOLUTION: The skinwalker is finally killed.
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Subject Line: Roscoe’s – Life Threatening Sequence
Answer the question “What I learned is…?” My characters can die easily in my super-natural thriller.
WHAT IS THE VILLAIN’S PLAN AND HOW DOES THAT PUT THE HERO IN DANGER? – The Navajo “skinwalker/witch” shape-shifts into animals to kill. Or uses animal power to kill.
WHAT OTHER POTENTIAL DANGERS COULD YOUR HERO EXPERIENCE – AS THEY TRY TO SOLVE THE MYSTERY AND CONFRONT THE VILLAIN? – Tribal Cop faces the spiritual unknown within the Navajo culture.
FROM THE LIST OF POTENTIAL DANGERS – CHOOSE THE ONES THAT WORK FOR THIS STORY – Physical danger – Surveillance / watched – Chased – Lured into a dangerous situation – Closeness to the villain – Danger to someone they know – People around them die or are injured – Stalked – The unknown.
SEQUENCE THOSE DANGERS IN ORDER AND MAKE A LIST.
The Navajo family is chased by “skinwalker/witch” (villain) and killed.
The villain is a member of the Navajo family clan.
The last remaining family member is stalked by “skinwalker/witch.”
Tribal cop and partner cross the path of “skinwalker/witch.” They are in physical danger.
A favorite dog is lured away from owner and killed by “skinwalker/witch.” His body is ripped apart by the limbs.
“Skinwalker/witch” stalks last family member and waits to make a move.
Tribal cop and partner deal with the spiritual unknown, but investigate anyway.
The last family member is chased by “skinwalker/witch” and almost killed.
Tribal cop and partner are in physical danger again to protect that family member.
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Subject Line: Roscoe’s Mystery Sequence
“What I learned is…?” How the mystery sequences keep the story thrilling. This is the beginning of my super-natural thriller with mystery sequences. I’m working on 3-4-5 main mysteries. This is fun.
MYSTERY 1: Who killed members of the Navajo “Tso” family?
A Navajo skinwalker/witch “shape-shifts” into a black wolf. It kills the Tso family.
That wolf then “shape-shifts” back into human form and disappears.
Tribal Cop Stephen Jackson is native/indigenous. He is called in-to investigate the murders.
Stephen finds large animal tracks near the crime scene. They are larger than normal.
The Tso family used to be Stephen’s in-laws. His ex-wife is Gabby Tso.
MYSTERY 2: Navajo skinwalker/witch attacks Stephen and his cop partner.
Stephen and Billy visit Gabby’s home. They cross the path of the skinwalker.
The skinwalker “shape-shifts” into a black wolf and tries to run Stephen’s truck off the road.
Billy shoots wolf with gun, but the animal turns into dust.
Gabby lies to Stephen. She says she doesn’t know about this skinwalker.
The skinwalker “shape-shifts” into 2 grey wolves and they kill Gabby’s dog.
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Subject Line: Roscoe’s – Villain Has a Great Plan!
“What I learned is…?” How very important a villain is in a thriller.
1. WHAT IS THE END GOAL? – The Navajo “Skinwalker/Witch” is a jealous family member. He/She wants to kill family clan in order to gain inheritance.
2. HOW CAN THE VILLAIN ACCOMPLISH THAT IN A DEVIOUS WAY? – To spiritually “Shape-Shift” into animals and to kill.
3. HOW CAN THEY COVER IT UP? – The ‘Skinwalker/Witch” will shape-shift back into human form to cover tracks.
4. SEQUENCE IT TO MAKE IT AS INTRIGUING AS POSSIBLE? – The “Skinwalker/Witch” comes out only at night. He/She will kill the weakest family members first. It will lead up to killing the oldest daughter who gets the family inheritance (Land and money on Indian Reservation.).
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Subject Line: Roscoe’s – SOTL Stacking Suspense
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
First – I have seen this movie so many times. Never did I look at each scene like this. Interesting….
The big M-I-S is a battle of sharp and devious minds. Clarice is willing to lose her “mind” to catch a serial killer. She’s ambitious and very smart in challenging Hannibal Lector. He in return, likes Clarice, but decides to use her so he can “escape.” That is always his plan.
What I liked is the use of Clarice’s “flashbacks” of her dad. It adds to her M-I-S of who she is and her ambition. Her dad is her weakness and she has to save any victim. She couldn’t save her dad and Hannibal latches onto that.
Clarice is just an FBI trainee who is a woman in a male dominated workplace. All of these men try to use her (except her boss), but she’s got a strong mind. That is “suspense” in a way because she has to survive on the job and in life. It runs throughout the movie.
There is something I had noticed in these scenes. Clarice is “driven” to seek the truth even when she’s in danger of losing her mind. It’s part of her M-I-S and that is thrilling.
I wanted to use “flashbacks” in my super-natural thriller. I have to think about it. Flashbacks have to push the story forward or they bog down the pace. I liked how they were used in “Lambs.” It moved Clarice in a dangerous direction that’s filled with “fear.”
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Subject Line: Roscoe’s – BI Stacking Suspense
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
First – I never liked “Basic Instinct” until now.
Watching “scene-for-scene” really made me understand the M-I-S that runs throughout the whole movie. Each scene gave me a “question” whether it be “one” or “all” of the M-I-S given for that scene. It kept me interested all the way to the end.
What caught my interest the most was the sub-genre of “addictions” among the rich and powerful. It even reaches the police department as lived by Nick. All of those addictions dissolve into murder(s).
The sub-genre in my super-natural thriller is “spiritual” in nature among the Navajo Tribe. The world of “skinwalkers/witches.” It will be steep in murder and greed inside a family “clan.” That in itself is a mystery.
My lead character is a tribal cop who has to jump into this mysterious Navajo world. He used to be part of it who married into a family “clan.” He is a member of another tribe. His ex-wife’s family was killed by a “skinwalker” The big M-I-S is why?
Therefore, the tribal cop’s life will be in danger at every move and…, to the end. Will he survive this super-natural world?
Scene-for-scene in “Basic Instinct” had one or more questions and it was thrilling. I think I can do it with my own thriller. Thanks Hal and Cheryl. Wow.!!!
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This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Roscoe Pond.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by
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Subject Line: Roscoe’s World and Characters.
“What I learned from this assignment is…?” Characters that have mysterious world’s. It adds to the big MIS…. Wow.!
LOGLINE: Two Tribal cops investigate the murder of a family off of the Reservation. A Super-Natural Thriller.
BIG MYSTERY: A traditional Navajo Indian “skinwalker” kills a family off the reservation.
BIG INTRIGUE: The “skinwalker” can spiritually shape-shift into animals and to kill.
BIG SUSPENSE: Two tribal cops are called in to investigate the family murders. Their lives are in danger when they cross the path of the “skinwalker.”
MYSTERY WORLD: The traditional Navajo Indian “Clan” system which creates “skinwalkers” and/or “witches.”
HERO – Stephen is a tribal cop
Mystery: Can Stephen find the killer of his ex-wife’s (Gabby) Navajo family?
Intrigue: He still loves his Ex and will do anything to protect her.
Suspense: Is Stephen going to be a victim of the Navajo witch sent to kill Gabby?
VILLAIN – Jeff is a Navajo “skinwalker/witch”
Mystery: What happened between Jeff and his niece Gabby?
Intrigue: Jeff had planned to kill Gabby’s family. She is his final victim.
Suspense: Can Jeff get close enough to finally kill Gabby?
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What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
Logline: Two Tribal cops investigate the murder of a family off of the Reservation. A Super-Natural Thriller.
Big Mystery: A traditional Navajo Indian “skinwalker” kills a family off the reservation.
Big Intrigue: The “skinwalker” can spiritually shape-shift into animals and to kill.
Big Suspense: Two tribal cops are called in to investigate the family murder. Their lives are in danger when they cross the path of the “skinwalker.”
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“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” The French film “Tell No one” (2007). I’ve seen this a lot of times. I watched it again last night. I caught the Big mystery and after that I found 3 more mysteries. Wow!
Synopsis: A doctor’s wife was murdered 8 years before. That is until he receives a camera video showing him that she’s alive.
Mystery: The Doctor’s wife was not murdered. Where is she? Why is she still alive?
Intrigue: The Doctor had been a suspect in his wife’s death. There was no proof. He is then framed for murder connected to his wife.
Suspense: The Doctor goes on the run from the police and several henchmen who follow him. He also tries to meet up with his wife who is alive somewhere. He might be killed himself.
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1. I am Roscoe Pond
2. I’ve written 5 Westerns – 1 Drama – 3 Mysteries.
3. To turn 3 already written scripts into Thrillers.
4. I listen to old classic radio (1940s-50s). My favorite are the westerns.
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1. Roscoe Pond
2. I agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Thanks to Hal and Cheryl for this Action Class. I had not gotten feedback from another student on this final assignment. So, I will move on…. I will definitely use the SKILL MASTERY SHEET as a blue print for my next action screenplay.
Great class…. All the best.
Roscoe Pond
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Title: Small Town Cop.
Logline: Ex-wife kidnaps daughter as ransom forcing cop to retrieve contra-band.
Action Outline: I followed “Skill Mastery Sheet” below.
CREATING YOUR ACTION CONCEPT
Highly Skilled Hero – Stephan. Small town cop / Former military sniper.
Demand For Action – Drug distribution crosses state lines into small town.
Mission – Fighting drug dealers.
Corrupt Antagonist – Ex-wife Marcia who sells drugs.
Escalating Action – Marcia wants to kill ex-husband after losing custody of twin daughters.
HERO
Unique Skill Set – He is former military sniper.
Motivation – To protect and serve his small town.
Secret or Wound – One of his twin daughter’s was murdered by a drug dealer. The ex-wife returns and decides that she wants her other daughter back.
Hero Morally Right – He works for the law as a small town cop.
VILLAIN
Unbeatable – Cop taught ex-wife how to be a sniper. She uses it to deal drugs and to kill. She took over the state as drug queen.
Plan/Goal – Ex-wife returns and wants to intercept a contra-band drop. She also wants to take back her other daughter. She’s gonna kill ex-husband too.
What they lose if Hero survives – Ex-wife loses her life and daughter. She also loses the contra-band.
Villain Morally Wrong – Ex-wife is drug dealer who has to intercept a shipment of Contra-band in 48 hours.
IMPOSSIBLE MISSION
Puts Hero in Action – Cop finds out about the contra-band drop. Dealers are ordered to kill him if he gets in the way.
Demands They Go Beyond Their Best – Cop is forced to become the military sniper he used to be. He takes out many dealers with different sniper rifles.
Destroy the Villain – Cop stops drug deal. His is forced to kill ex-wife.
Tell us your improved answers – The 48-hours time stamp of the contra-band interception. Ex-wife has only a few days. Plus, The couple had twin daughters. One died and the other lives. It raises the stakes for both the hero and the villain.
CREATING THE MISSION TRACK
Motivation – Cop had twin daughters. One was kidnapped and murdered by a drug dealer. He wants to take care of his other daughter in his small town.
Inciting Incident – His living daughter is soon kidnapped by ex-wife.
First Action – Ex-wife calls cop to say she kidnapped their daughter. She will return her if he intercepts a contra-band drop. That drop passes through the small town, but he has to figure out when and where.
Obstacle – The ex-wife tells cop that he has only 48 hours to accomplish this task. Or, she will leave town and take away their daughter.
Escalation – Ex-wife doesn’t tell him that she will send drug dealers to stop him from intercepting the contra-band. Cop kills them all with his sniper rifles.
Overwhelming Odds – Cop intercepts contra-band, but there is no contra-band. Ex-wife had already grabbed that shipment. She uses sniper rifle on him and thinks she killed him. She leaves town with their daughter.
New Plan – Cop finds ex-wife’s main drug dealer. He forces that dealer to tell him where his ex-wife’s next drug deal is. That drug deal has moved back into his small town.
Full out Attack – The ex-wife doesn’t know that Cop holds the new contra-band. She and drug dealers walk into an ambush. She won’t tell him where their daughter is. They both pick up rifles.
Success – His daughter is re-united with father.
CREATE YOUR VILLAIN TRACK / PURPOSE OF THE VILLAIN TRACK
VERSION 2 PLAN: PRE-PLANNED.
Kidnap – Ex-wife returns to small town and kidnaps her daughter from the cop ex-husband.
Ransom – Ex-wife says she will return daughter. If the ex-husband intercepts a load of contra-band worth $$$. She gives him 48 hours.
Kill ex-husband – Ex-wife has set up the contraband drop. She has drug dealers in place to kill her cop who tries to intercept that contra-band.
Interception – Cop gets to the contra-band and faces drug dealers. She already has the drug money and their daughter.
Drops Ransom – Ex-wife tells cop she will never return their daughter. She only came back to kill him. She blames him for the death of the other twin daughter.
Revenge – Cop survives and organizes another contra-band drop. His ex-wife thinks he’s dead and so she returns. She is gunned down and the daughter is returned.
CREATE YOUR ACTION TRACK
Answer the Action Questions:
Considering the concept from Lesson 1 – what action could naturally show up in this movie? – Sniper rifle and cop gun play by male hero. Plus, hand-to-hand combat.
Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks – what action could work for this track? – Assault guns. Sniper rifles. Fighting drug dealers.
How can the action start well – build in the 2nd Act – and escalate to a climax in the 3rd Act? – Male hero uses sniper rifle to stop drug dealer. He then uses a bigger rifle to intercept contraband drop. Female villain uses her own sniper rifle to kill the ex-husband. Hero fakes death and returns to kill ex-wife.
Select the types of action you’ll use:
THE TEST – Ex-wife sends a drug dealer to the small town. She tests her cop ex-husband.
SHOOT-OUT – Cop takes his favorite rifle and uses it as a sniper. Drug dealer uses assault gun, but is killed.
CHALLENGE – Ex-wife tells cop she kidnapped their daughter. She says she’s been practicing her sniper rifle and will kill him.
SEARCH – Cop chooses a bigger rifle and searches for contra-band shipment. Finds wrong location drop.
AMBUSH – Cop is ambushed by drug dealers. He uses his military experience to fight back and kill them all. He also uses an even bigger rifle.
INTERCEPTION – Cop finds out where the contra-band is going to drop. He kills men to steal truck. He finds there is no contra-band.
ESCAPE/EVADE – Ex-wife uses her own sniper rifle on cop who drives that truck. He looses control and the truck turns over many times. Hero is presumed dead.
TAKEN – Ex-wife leaves with their daughter.
TORTURE – Cop survives crash. He finds the dealer used by ex-wife. He tortures him.
THE RETURN – Cop lures ex-wife back to town with a new contra-band drop. A shoot out ensues between him and her. He uses an even bigger rifle and kills her.
CREATE YOUR ACTION STRUCTURE
Opening — Female villain (ex-wife) sends a drug dealer to small town. Cop Male Hero (ex-husband) kills drug dealer with sniper rifle skill. Who is dealer?
Inciting Incident — The Hero’s second twin daughter is kidnapped.
First Turning Point at end of Act 1 — Female villain says she will return their daughter if Hero intercepts contra-band drop for her. He has 48 hours.
Mid-Point — Hero looks for contra-band drop and uses his rifle skills to take out drug dealers. He cannot find contra-band and discovers there is no drop. He faces more drug dealers.
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2 — Villain uses her own rifle mastery to kill hero. He supposedly dies and will not get daughter back.
Crisis — Villain left a message on Hero’s iPhone. She returned to kill him and to take back their daughter. The Hero lives and wants revenge on his ex-wife and to retrieve his daughter.
Climax — Hero finds ex-wife’s old dealer and sets up a fake contra-band drop. She returns to small town with an army of drug dealers. She discovers her ex-husband is still alive.
Resolution — Hero kills villain and gets back his daughter.
WHY DO WE CARE?
LIKABILITY / LOVABILITY
My hero is a veteran cop who takes care of a small town. / He won custody of his twin daughters. / One of his twin’s was kidnapped by a drug dealer. / The veteran cop uses sniper rifle to kill dealer, but couldn’t save his daughter. / He did everything by the law and lost her anyway.
EMPATHY / DISTRESS
The cop’s first daughter was taken right in front of him. / He was shot in the shoulder by the dealer. / The gun shot wound and the cop’s age slowed him down. / He takes care of his second daughter before kidnapping. / He is forced to use military experience.
JUSTIFICATION
The dealer is connected to the cop’s ex-wife and he doesn’t know about it. / She blames cop for their daughter’s death. / She kidnaps the other twin daughter. She is a top drug dealer who gives him an ultimatum. Intercept contra-band or never see his other daughter again. / The cop is forced to go against the law.
Organize them into a sequence that happens in the first “Act” of your script and tell us the story in a concise form.
Anxiety – The unknown male gets out of his truck and carries cop’s first twin daughter into the field. That male carries a gun which is aimed at the girl. The cop gets out of his police vehicle. He also pulls out his sniper rifle.
Fear – Through the rifle scope. The cop can see the male carrying his daughter. He cannot shoot her as they run farther away. His hand shakes, but the finger is on the trigger. The rifle scope aims at the male. The trigger is pulled.
Relief – Through the rifle scope. The male is shot and drops to the ground. The cop’s daughter also falls to the ground. The cop runs out into the field to retrieve her. He thinks she’s alive.
THE FULL MODEL FOR ENGAGING 5 ACTION SET PIECES
This is when ex-wife sends men to kill cop as a test. He discovers an ally.
SET UP – Unknown male talks to small town Cop/Hero on 2-way radio. Cop’s ex-wife/villain tried to kill him, but one twin daughter was killed instead. She is sending men to kill him again. Cop doesn’t know when these men will attack him. It’s a test of defense.
PRE-ACTION – Cop walks into hallway above parking structure. His hand touches gun and takes in the news about his ex-wife. Who is this unknown male who called him?
ACTION –
Surprise – Cop ambushed by 1st killer. Hand-to-hand combat. Cop is beaten, but kills male with gun. / 2nd killer shoots at cop. Gunfight in hallway. / Killer runs to parking lot door. Punches in code. Door slams shut.
Shock – A security guard friend opens door. Cop stands back. / Killer crashes door with truck and kills guard. / Cop falls back. He aims gun at back truck tire and blows it out. / Truck slams into car.
Suspense – Killer runs to other cars trying to hot wire one. / Cop runs to police vehicle. Grabs sniper rifle. Loads bullets. / Killer hot wires car and speeds off. / Cop shoots out windows. / Cop chases killer in car – down parking levels. / Cop bumps back-end and killer crashes.
Danger – 3rd killer drives truck straight him. / Cop puts car in reverse and is chased backward up parking lot levels. / Cop slams into wall on top level. His forehead bleeds. / Killer rams car and tries to force it over edge. / Cop reloads gun and kills the male. / Car’s right wheel hangs over the edge.
POST-ACTION – Cop has passed the test of self defense. The unknown male talks to him on 2-way radio again. Cop has to wait for ex-wife’s next move. He realizes she killed their other daughter.
ACTION DESCRIPTION PROCESS
This is still the action sequence where ex-wife sent men to kill cop.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Cop walks up hallway in police uniform. He listens to a single 2-way radio.
MALE (V.O)
Your ex-wife sent men to kill you. Can you defend yourself this time?
COP
Yes. My daughter was killed – but they came for me?
MALE (V.O)
They’re coming.
Cop walks to hallway corner and a killer swings a knife at him. Cop ducks and hits killer with fists… SLUG-SLUG-SLUG.
Killer quickly lifts cop off the floor and throws him against the opposite wall.. SLAM… The knife slices cop’s shoulder who grimaces in pain. He hits the floor and the killer raises knife ready to slice again.
Cop flips out gun and shoots killer in the stomach… POP-POP-POP… Blood spills.
Second killer rounds the corner and the cop sees him raise his gun. Cop hides under first killer’s body as a spray of bullets fly at him… Bullets hit dead body.
Cop leans over dead body and aims gun. POP-POP… First bullet hits shoulder of killer who falls back around corner.
INT. DOOR – HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
CLICK-SLIDE-SNAP… Cop reloads gun with another magazine. He opens door and steps inside stairwell.
INT. STAIRWELL – CONTINUOUS
Cop grabs his bleeding arm and looks down stairwell. He leaps down the steps.
INT. STAIRWELL – CONTINUOUS
Cop hears a door close and jumps down to next level. He sees double-door with security number pad. It’s locked and he aims gun at it.
FREDRICK
Wait.! I got it.!!
He’s a long time security guard who punches in numbers on pad.
COP
Thanks Fredrick.!
Cop stands back.
CRASH – Frederick is thrown as truck slams through doors. Cop jumps back onto floor.
Truck peels out as tires burn…. POP-POP-POP-POP – Cop shoots back tire of truck.
INT. PARKING LOT STRUCTURE – CONTINUOUS
Back tire blows out and truck drives down parking lot and slams into car. Killer gets out and runs to other cars to hot wire.
Cop runs to police vehicle and opens trunk. He quickly grabs sniper rifle and loads it.
… Killer hot wires car below and starts engine.
… Cop looks through rifle scope and fires… HIT-BUST.. back window glass falls as car speeds off.
… Cop gets into vehicle and chases car down parking levels. Tires screech.
… Cop catches up and hits car from behind. Killer rams into another car.
INT. POLICE VEHICLE – CONTINUOUS
Cop starts to get out when he sees a black truck driving at him. The third killer. He puts car in reverse and punches gas peddle.
… CRASH – truck rams into a different car.
… Cop drives in reverse back up parking lot levels.
… Third killer catches up to him with truck. He’s close as the truck touches police vehicle.
… Cop goes around final level and reaches the top. HIT – He rams into wall… SLAM – killer rams car and knocks out wall on the other side.
… Tires burn as police car is pushed over the edge.
… Cop leans up and aims gun at ruck driver. POP-POP-POP – BUST – Front window shatters… Everything stops.
Cop gets out of car and aims gun at driver.
COP
Who are you – ?
KILLER
Nobody –
COP
Who sent you – ? – Come on – I need a name.!!
Third killer leans against the steering wheel bleeding from forehead.
KILLER
Your Ex…. Wife.
COP
Was this a test – ?
The killer dies and cop drops his gun. His arms still bleeds.
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What I learned from doing this assignment is…. So many things. Especially meaning through all of the action. Boy, it made my sequences thrilling.</div>
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Cop walks up hallway in police uniform. He listens to a single 2-way radio.
MALE (V.O)
Your ex-wife sent men to kill you. Can you defend yourself this time?
COP
Yes. My daughter was killed – but they came for me?
MALE (V.O)
They’re coming.
Cop walks to hallway corner and a killer swings a knife at him. Cop ducks and hits killer with fists… SLUG-SLUG-SLUG.
Killer quickly lifts cop off floor and throws him against the opposite wall.. SLAM… The knife slices cop’s shoulder who grimaces in pain. He hits the floor and killer raises knife ready to slice again.
Cop flips out gun and shoots killer in the stomach… POP-POP-POP… Blood spills.
Second killer rounds the corner and cop sees him raise his gun. Cop hides under first killer’s body as a spray of bullets fly at him… Bullets hit dead body.
Cop leans over dead body and aims gun. POP-POP… First bullet hits shoulder of killer who falls back around corner.
INT. DOOR – HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
CLICK-SLIDE-SNAP… Cop reloads gun with another magazine. He opens door and steps inside stairwell.
INT. STAIRWELL – CONTINUOUS
Cop grabs his bleeding arm and looks down stairwell. He leaps down the steps.
INT. STAIRWELL – CONTINUOUS
Cop hears a door close and jumps down to next level. He sees double-door with security number pad. It’s locked and he aims gun at it.
FREDRICK
Wait.! I got it.!!
He’s a long time security guard who punches in numbers on pad.
COP
Thanks Fredrick.!
Cop stands back.
CRASH – Frederick is thrown as truck slams through doors. Cop jumps back onto floor.
Truck peels out as tires burn.
POP-POP-POP-POP – Cop aims at back tire of truck.
INT. PARKING LOT STRUCTURE – CONTINUOUS
The back tire blows out and truck drives down parking lot and slams into car. Killer gets out and runs to other cars to hot wire.
Cop runs to police vehicle and opens trunk. He quickly grabs sniper rifle and loads it.
… Killer hot wires car below and starts engine.
… Cop looks through rifle scope and fires… HIT-BUST.. back window glass falls as car speeds off.
… Cop gets into vehicle and chases car down parking levels. Tires screech.
… Cop catches up and hits car from behind. Killer rams into another car.
INT. POLICE VEHICLE – CONTINUOUS
Cop starts to get out when he sees a black truck driving at him. The third killer. He puts car in reverse and punches gas peddle.
… CRASH – truck rams into a different car.
… Cop drives in reverse back up parking lot levels.
… Third killer catches up to him with truck. He’s close as the truck touches police vehicle.
… Cop goes around final level and reaches the top. He rams into wall. HIT – killer rams car and knocks out wall on other side.
… Tires burn as police car is pushed over the edge.
… Cop leans up and aims gun at ruck driver. POP-POP-POP – BUST – Front window shatters.
Cop gets out of car and aims gun at driver.
COP
Who are you ?!
KILLER
Nobody –
COP
Who sent you – Come on – I need a name.!!
Third killer leans against the steering wheel bleeding from forehead.
KILLER
Your Ex…. Wife.
COP
Was this a test ?!
The killer dies and cop drops his gun. His arms still bleeds.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Roscoe Pond.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Roscoe Pond.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Roscoe Pond.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by
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What I learned doing this assignment is…. That there is more to just an action sequences. I love it.
SET UP: Unknown male talks to small town Cop/Hero on 2-way radio. Cop’s ex-wife/villain tried to kill him, but one twin daughter was killed instead. She is sending men to kill him again. Cop doesn’t know when these men will attack him. It’s a test of defense.
PRE-ACTION: Cop walks into hallway above parking structure. His hand touches gun and takes in the news about his ex-wife. Who is this unknown male who called him?
ACTION:
Surprise – Cop ambushed by 1st killer. Hand-to-hand combat. Cop is beaten, but kills male with gun. / 2nd killer and cop have gunfight in hallway. / Killer runs to parking lot door. Punches in code. Door slams shut.
Shock – A security guard friend opens door. Cop stands back. / Killer crashes door with truck killing guard. / Cop falls back. Aims gun at back truck tire and blows it out. / Truck slams into car.
Suspense – Killer runs to other cars trying to hot wire one. / Cop runs to police vehicle. Grabs sniper rifle. Loads bullets. / Killer hot wires car and speeds off. / Cop shoots out windows. / Cop chases killer in car down parking levels. / Cop bumps back-end and killer crashes.
Danger – 3rd killer drives truck straight him. / Cop puts car in reverse and is chased backward up parking lot levels. / Cop slams into wall on top level. His forehead bleeds. / Killer rams car and tries to force it over edge. / Cop reloads gun and kills the male. / Car’s right wheel hangs over the edge.
POST-ACTION: Cop has passed the test of self defense. The unknown male talks to him again on 2-way radio. Cop has to wait for ex-wife’s next move. His twin daughter was murdered.
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What I learned doing this assignment is…. WOW – This opened my mind to so many ideas.
I am concentrating on the first action sequence in the parking structure. I’m going from there.
RULES: What if…? The first “killers” was only a test. To see how the small town cop/hero would defend himself. He passes the test by killing them all.
VILLAIN: What if…? The ex-wife/villain sets her plan in motion after that test. She uses cop by kidnapping their daughter to force him, to retrieve contra-band shipment. She knows she cannot get by him in that small town. She just took over as drug lord in the state.
ALLIES: What if…? Another male drug lord wants to take over the state with contra-band distribution. He uses a two-way radio to feed cop information right after the first test ambush. Drug lord doesn’t reveal himself and gives specific information so he can use cop too.
STRUGGLE: What if…? Cop decides to play both sides only to get his daughter back. He knows he is being used. He makes a plan of his own by using unique skills as ex-military.
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What I learned doing this assignment is…. Taking the audience with me.
Below are continuous scenes from the first attack on cop/hero. The ex-wife/ villain sent killer to murder him.
INT. POLICE VEHICLE – DAY
EXCITEMENT: Cop is in police vehicle. He chases killer in stolen car. They drive wildly down parking structure levels.
Cop catches up to killer and bumps back of car. They drive around and down to next level. Tires are screeching.
Cop punches on gas peddle and pushes killer’s car into parked vehicles. CRASH.
Cop begins to get out of car. He sees a black truck coming at him from the side.. A second killer.. He puts the vehicle in reverse and punches the gas peddle. Truck misses and hits another car. CRASH.
INT. POLICE VEHICLE – CONTINUOUS
DANGER: Cop drives in reverse back up the parking levels. He is bleeding from the forehead…. The black truck drives toward him quickly.
Cop concentrates on driving in reverse as he goes around and up to next level.
The black truck catches up to him and rams the front of police vehicle. They both go around and up to the next level. Tires screech loudly.
Cop loses control and rams into a vehicle. CRASH…. The truck then slams into police car. HIT…. Second killer backs up truck and gets ready ram again.
INT. POLICE VEHICLE – CONTINUOUS
ADRENALINE: Cop aims his gun, but he ran out of bullets earlier. He leans over and pulls open the cubby-hole. He yanks out another gun.
CRASH…. The truck hits the car and the cop falls over. The truck goes in reverse and stops. The cop quickly sits up and aims gun. Bullets fly at the front left tire of the truck – just as the killer pushes on the gas peddle.
BLAST. The tire explodes and the truck is forced to the left. HIT…. It bumps the front of police car and forces it into the parking lot wall.
The killer pushes on the gas peddle and rams the police car through that wall. They are on the top level of the parking structure.
Cop aims gun directly at the killer in his driver seat. Many bullets shoot. BUST…. The front window glass falls everywhere.
The truck tires burn and screech as they push against the car.
The cop quickly reloads his gun and begins shooting at the driver of that truck.
Everything stops.
Cop jumps out of his car as blood drips from his forehead. He aims his gun at the second killer who is dead. He glances at his car as the right tire falls over the edge.
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What I learned from this assignment is…. How exciting these three emotions are.
The scenes below are from the first attack against the cop/hero ordered by his ex-wife/villain. He is chasing the killer who tried to ambush him.
SURPRISE: Cop chases killer to parking lot door. Killer punches touch pad and door opens. It locks. Cop can’t open door and pulls out gun…. A security guard “friend” stops him and punches in numbers on the pad. Cop steps back. The door opens.
SHOCK: Cop and guard smile at each other. Cop takes a step forward…. “Crash.” A truck rams through door and guard is slammed. Cop jumps back onto floor. The truck drives off. Cop jumps up aiming gun at back tire. He shoots the tire and truck rams into another car.
SUSPENSE: Killer and cop shoot it out. Both run out of bullets. Killer runs to lower parking level.. Cop runs to his police vehicle.. He screams guard name, but gets no response. Cop opens trunk and pulls out large sniper rifle.. He loads bullets.. Killer tries to hot wire several cars below.. Cop runs to lower level just as killer starts a car.. Cop stops and looks through scope. He shoots out back window of car as it screeches down to next lower level. Cop runs back and gets into police vehicle. The chase continues.
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What I learned doing this assignment is… That emotions really can be important in action scenes. It certainly improves the sequences.
One twin daughter of a cop is taken by an unknown male. That cop catches up to them on a highway near a field.
ANXIETY: The male gets out of his truck and carries the daughter into a grassy field. That male carries a gun which is aimed at the girl. The cop gets out of his police vehicle. He also pulls out his sniper rifle.
FEAR: Through the rifle scope. The cop can see the male carrying his daughter near his waist. He cannot shoot his daughter as they run farther away. His right hand shakes because his has been shot in the right shoulder. The finger is on the trigger though. The rifle scope aims at the male. The trigger is pulled.
RELIEF: Through the rifle scope. The male is shot and drops to the ground. The cop’s daughter also falls to the ground. The cop runs out into the field to retrieve his daughter. He did not shoot her and believes that she’s alive.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Roscoe Pond.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by
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What I learned doing this assignment is…. That I never knew anything about “twists” in action films. I chose 6 twists from the beginning of my story. I like this class more with each assignment.
Unexpected Support — The small town supports Cop/Hero after his one twin daughter is killed by an unknown male.
New Threat — Female villain (ex-wife) sends a drug dealer to small town to kill cop hero (ex-husband).
Attacked — Drug dealer ambushes cop hero. Several innocent people die.
Protected — Cop hero kills drug dealer with his sniper rifle skill.
Identity Exposed — Dealer tells cop before he dies that his ex-wife sent him.
It Just Got Worse — Cop always knew that his ex-wife would come back to either hurt him or take back their twin daughters. One daughter is dead.
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What I learned from this assignment is…. That I can go a lot deeper into my lead character’s life. Good and bad.
LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY
A. My hero is a veteran cop who takes care of the small town.
B. He won custody of his twin daughters. Both of whom he had late in life.
C. One of his daughter’s was kidnapped by a drug dealer.
D. The veteran cop used his military skills, but couldn’t save his daughter.
E. After killing dealer. He found his daughter strangled to death inside of killer’s truck.
G. He did everything by the law and lost his daughter anyway.
EMPATHY / DISTRESS
A. The cop’s daughter was taken right in front of him.
B. He was shot in the shoulder by the dealer.
C. The gun shot wound and the cop’s age slowed him down.
D. He takes care of other twin daughter before killer chase.
E. He is forced to use military experience to find daughter.
JUSTIFICATION
A. The dealer is connected to the cop’s ex-wife and he doesn’t know about it.
B. His ex-wife blames cop for their daughter’s death.
C. Ex-wife kidnaps the other twin daughter out of spite. She is a top drug dealer.
D. The cop just buried his daughter when his other twin daughter disappears.
E. The Villain/ex-wife gives him an ultimatum. Intercept contra-band or never see his living daughter again. The hero cop is forced to go against the law and to kill drug dealers.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Roscoe Pond.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by
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What I learned doing this assignment is…. That I have a lot of “Action” from beginning to end. My “Villain” is ruthless, but my hero’s “Mission” matches it. This is getting interesting and I see a Map.
Opening
Villain 1. Female villain (ex-wife) sends a drug dealer to small town.
Mission 1. Cop Male Hero (ex-husband) kills drug dealer with sniper rifle skill. Who is dealer and why come to a small town?
Inciting Incident
Villain 2. The Hero’s one twin daughter is kidnapped.
First Turning Point at end of Act 1
Villain 3. Female villain says she will return their daughter if Hero intercepts contra-band drop for her.
Action 1. Hero has 48 hours.
Mid-Point
Action 2. Hero looks for contra-band drop and uses his rifle skills to take out drug dealers. He cannot find contra-band and discovers there is no drop.
Action 3. He faces more drug dealers as time runs out.
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2
Action 4. Villain uses her own rifle mastery to kill hero. He supposedly dies and will not get daughter back.
Crisis
Villain 4. Villain left a message on Hero’s iPhone. She actually returned to kill him and to take back their daughter.
Mission 2. The Hero lives and wants revenge on his ex-wife and to retrieve his daughter.
Climax
Mission 3. Hero finds ex-wife’s old dealer and sets up a fake contra-band drop. She returns to small town with an army of drug dealers. She discovers her ex-husband is still alive.
Action 5. They both use rifles against each other.
Resolution
Mission 4. Hero kills villain and gets back his daughter.
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What I learned doing this assignment is…. That the structure puts everything into “action” from beginning to end. You can see the villain’s plan and the hero reply.
Opening — Female villain (ex-wife) sends a drug dealer to small town. Cop Male Hero (ex-husband) kills drug dealer with his sniper rifle skill. Who is the dealer and why come to the small town?
Inciting Incident — The Hero’s one twin daughter is kidnapped.
First Turning Point at end of Act 1 — Female villain says she will return their daughter if Hero intercepts contra-band drop for her. He has 48 hours.
Mid-Point — Hero looks for contra-band drop and uses his rifle skills to take out drug dealers. He cannot find contra-band and discovers there is no drop. He faces more drug dealers as time runs out.
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2 — Villain uses her own rifle mastery to kill hero. He supposedly dies and will not get his daughter back.
Crisis — Villain left a message on Hero’s iPhone. She actually returned to kill him…, and to take back their daughter. The Hero lives and wants revenge on his ex-wife and to retrieve his daughter.
Climax — Hero finds ex-wife’s old dealer and sets up a fake contra-band drop. She returns to small town with an army of drug dealers. She discovers her ex-husband is still alive. They both use rifles against each other.
Resolution — Hero kills villain and gets back his daughter.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Roscoe Pond.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by
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What I learned doing this assignment…. While writing this rough draft. I found my hero’s rifles get bigger after each shoot out. Plus, both my hero and villain actually want to kill each other. Characters are coming alive.
1. Answer the Action Questions:
A. Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up in this movie? — Sniper rifle and gun-play by male hero cop.
B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track? — Assault guns and sniper rifles used by female villain and male hero.
C. How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a climax in the 3rd Act? — Male hero uses sniper rifle to stop drug dealer. He then uses a bigger rifle to intercept contraband drop in small town. Female villain uses her own sniper rifle to kill the ex-husband. Hero supposedly dies and returns to kill ex-wife.
2. Select the types of action you’ll use.
A. THE TEST – Female villain sends a drug dealer to the small town. She tests her ex-husband who is a good cop.
B. SHOOT-OUT – Male hero takes his favorite rifle and uses it as a sniper. Drug dealer uses assault gun who is killed by the hero.
C. CHALLENGE. Female villain tells Male hero she kidnapped their daughter. She says she’s been practicing her sniper rifle. If he doesn’t intercept contra-band. She’s gonna kill him.
D. SEARCH. Ex-husband chooses a bigger rifle and searches for contra-band shipment. Finds wrong location drop.
E. AMBUSH. Ex-husband is ambushed by several drug dealers because he hadn’t found the drop. He uses his military experience to fight back and kill them all. He also uses a bigger rifle.
F. INTERCEPTION. Ex-husband finds out where the contra-band is going to drop. He kills men to steal truck. He finds there is no contra-band.
G. ESCAPE/EVADE. Ex-wife uses her own sniper rifle on ex-husband who drives that truck. He looses control and the truck turns over many times. Hero is presumed dead.
H. TAKEN. Ex-wife leaves with their daughter.
I. TORTURE. Ex-husband survives crash. He finds the dealer used by ex-wife. He tortures him to do what he wants.
J. THE RETURN. Ex-husband lures ex-wife back to town. There is a new contra-band drop. There is a shoot out between him and her. He uses an even bigger rifle and kills her.
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What I learned doing this assignment is…. That my female villain planned everything down to the death of her ex-husband. She underestimates him, but thinks that she has won. She had gone all the way with murder, greed and kidnapping. I didn’t think that she could be this ruthless who is more than that. Diabolical.
1. KIDNAP. Ex-wife returns to small town and kidnaps her daughter from the ex-husband who is a cop.
2. RANSOM. Ex-wife says she will return daughter. If the ex-husband intercepts a load of contra-band worth $$$. She gives him 48 hours.
3. KILL EX-HUSBAND. Ex-wife has set up the contraband drop. She has drug dealers in place to kill her ex who tries to intercept that contra-band.
4. INTERCEPTION. Ex-husband gets to the contra-band and faces the drug dealers. She already has the drug money and their daughter. He discovers this during the interception and who survives the attack.
5. DROPS RANSOM. Ex-wife tells the ex-husband she will never return their daughter. She only came back to kill him. She blames him for the death of the other twin daughter.
6. POLICE. Ex-wife calls authorities about the contra-band and that her ex-husband is involved. The police chase him down and their is a gun fight. She picks up her own sniper rifle and shoots him. He is left for dead.
7. REVENGE. Ex-husband survives and organizes another contra-band drop. His ex-wife thinks he’s dead and returns. She is gunned down and the daughter is returned.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Roscoe Pond.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by
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What I learned doing this assignment is…. When I wrote everything out. My female villain controls everything almost to the end. My male hero has a lot of work to do. (This is so exciting.!!). RP
Clear Mission:
Motivation: — Ex-husband had twin daughters. One was kidnapped and murdered by a drug dealer. He wants to take care of his other daughter – in a safe small town.
Inciting Incident: — His living daughter is soon kidnapped.
First Action: — Ex-wife calls ex-husband to say she kidnapped their daughter. She will return her only if he intercepts a contra-band drop for her. That drop passes through the small town, but he has to figure out when and where.
Obstacle: — The ex-wife tells ex-husband that he only has 48 hours to accomplish this task. Or, she will leave town and take away their daughter.
Escalation: — Ex-wife doesn’t tell him that she will send drug dealers to stop him from intercepting the contra-band. He kills them all with his sniper rifles etc.
Overwhelming Odds: — Ex-husband intercepts contra-band, but there is no contra-band. His ex-wife had already intercepted that shipment. She uses a sniper rifle on him and thinks she killed him. She leaves town with their daughter.
New Plan: — Ex-husband finds the ex-wife’s main drug dealer. He forces that dealer to tell him where his ex-wife’s next drug deal is. But, that deal has moved back into the small town.
Full out Attack: — The ex-wife doesn’t know that her ex-husband holds that new contra-band. She and her drug dealers walk into an ambush. She won’t tell him where their daughter is though. So, he let’s her run away and she does. He picks up his sniper rifle.
Success: — His daughter was inside a hotel room. She re-unites with her father.
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I must say. What a great 2nd lesson. It is opening up my mind to more ideas. I need to spend equal time on my villains. Thanks Cheryl and Hal. – RP
Concept:
Hero Morally Right — Ex-husband works for the law as a small town cop
Villain Morally Wrong — Ex-wife is drug dealer who comes back to town. She has to intercept a shipment of Contra-band and only has a weekend to do it.
Hero
A. Unique Skill Set — Former military. Knows about guns and is a sniper.
B. Motivation — To protect and serve the small town. The drug deal goes wrong and many innocent people die.
C. Secret or Wound — One of his twin daughter’s was murdered by a drug dealer. The ex-wife returns and decides that she wants her other daughter back.
Villain
A. Unbeatable — Ex-husband taught her how to be a sniper. Ex-wife uses it to deal drugs and to kill. She knows the corrupt cops in town.
B. Plan/Goal — Ex-wife returns to town to intercept a contra-band drop and take back her other daughter. She also decides to take out ex-husband if he tries to stop her.
C. What they lose if Hero survives — Ex-wife loses her life and her daughter. She also loses the contra-band.
Impossible Mission
A. Puts Hero in Action — Ex-husband finds out about the contra-band drop. Dealers are ordered to kill him if he gets in the way. He is wounded.
B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best — Ex-husband is forced to become the military sniper he used to be. This time he has to kill. He takes out many dealers with different sniper rifles.
C. Destroy the Villain — Ex-husband stops the drug deal. His ex-wife tries to get away after they both use sniper rifles – against each other.
2. Once you have filled in a quick answer to each, go back and extrapolate (If _____, then how might _____?) to elevate any answers you can.
3. Tell us your improved answers. — The time stamp of the contra-band interception. Ex-wife has only a few days. Plus, The couple had twin daughters. One died and the other lives. It raises the stakes for both my hero and my villain.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by Roscoe Pond.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by
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I am Roscoe Pond and “I agree to the terms of this release form.”
GROUP RELEASE FORM FOR “Writing Killer Action Scripts” CLASS
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:1. That everyone’s work here is copyrighted and they are the sole
owner of that work. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this
group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that
idea.2. That this program is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun and I will not share,
disclose, present, or deliver the information, design, and writing of this
program to anyone for any reason without written permission from Hal Croasmun.
3. That I will keep the other writers’ ideas and writing confidential
(including Hal’s materials) and will not share this information with
anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner.
I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone
outside this group.4. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or
have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can
independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or
movie idea.5. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for
any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted
work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from
marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents,
managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment
industry organizations or people.This completes the Group Release Form for Writing Killer Action Scripts.
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My first action screenplay is simple. I hope to build it more in this class.
Who is your hero? What makes them highly skilled? / Stephan. Small town cop / Former military sniper.
What is the demand for the action? / Drug distribution crosses state lines into this small town.
What’s the mission the hero is on? / Fighting drug dealers and his ex-wife Marcia.
Who is the antagonist? / Ex-wife Marcia who sells drugs.
How will the action escalate? / Marcia wants to kill ex-husband too after losing custody of daughter to him.
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Hey, I am Roscoe Pond. I’ve written five westerns and three mystery thrillers. I always wanted to write an action movie screenplay because of the many ideas that come to mind. I feel like I’m the only writer who listens to old time radio classics. They have great writing. – RP
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Well – According to Navajo traditions. Skinwalkers were once human beings. They killed other humans and have crossed to the side of darkness. They are no longer human, but can shape-shift into animals who have more power than the average human. I will explain it visually in my thriller. – Roscoe Pond
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Thanks James… I’ve been working on a murder mystery involving a Skinwalker. It has to be explained visually. This class makes it more clear about how I can tell my story… Yes, the Skinwalker Ranch in Utah has a documentary about it. It has to do with evil inside of tribal clans. It’s also spiritual. – Roscoe.
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Hey Jeff – This is a super-natural thriller. There is no “Law”, but there will be retribution. I can only follow this class with each assignment. It’s just a growing idea. RP
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Thanks Michael – I’ve been working for a few years trying to get this into a super-natural thriller. This class is helping a great deal.
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Hey Michael – Hah… It could be. I don’t want to give anything away. Check it out on BluRay. It is an excellent thriller. RP
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Hey Heidi – If you can get it on BluRay. Do so. It was made in French language with English subtitles. Kristin-Scott Thomas is in it. Hollywood was supposed to do a remake, but nothing has evolved. Enjoy. RP
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Hey Matthew:
All the best with your project. Quite interesting.
Would you look at my final 16th assignment? I followed the SKILL MASTERY SHEET that Hal had sent us.
Thanks – Roscoe