Sandra Hildreth
Forum Replies Created
-
LOGLINE: Two people argue constantly until a fateful event occurs.
ESSENCE: Both parties have been hiding their true feelings about the other, each convinced the other thinks they are enemies.
SCENE ONE:
INT. FRANK’S LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Frank’s living room is crowded with people, most holding cocktails and small plates of hors d’oeuvres. A wall of glass creates a gorgeous backdrop of the lights and beauty of the city at night. The women’s jewels sparkle as they laugh, talk, and wander around the room, making sure their haute couture clothing is properly admired by all. The men, look very much alike in their suits and dress shirts, set apart mainly by the outrageousness of their ties and whether or not they have a beard or mustache.
The front door opens and CARLEY enters. She waves at a few of the people and Marcus, the host and owner of the apartment.
Marcus picks a martini off the bar, strides purposely toward Carley and takes hold of her elbow.
MARCUS
My bedroom’s this way.
Carley jerks her elbow away, releasing it from Marcus’s grip.
CARLEY
Not even dinner first?
MARCUS
Are you assuming I would want to put you on my bed and not your coat? Humph. If you give me your coat and purse, I’ll give you this martini and put your things on my bed.
CARLEY
Thank you, kind sir. That drink does look inviting.
Marcus take Carley’s coat and purse, hands her the drink and heads toward the bedroom door. Carley, sipping on the drink, sits down on the couch’s arm and starts chatting with the people around her.
Marcus returns from the bedroom, picks up another martini from the bar, walks to the wall of glass and stares at the cityscape.
MARION, one of the guests, joins Marcus. She slips her hand around his arm and draws him close. He looks at her quizidly, shakes his head and removes her arm.
MARION
What’s wrong?
MARCUS
I just realized something my heart’s known for quite a while, but my consciousness didn’t. Excuse me.
Marcus looks over at Carley who looks up at the very same time. Carley puts her drink on the coffee table and joins Marcus.
Marcus smiles, grabs Carley around the waist, pulls her to him and kisses her passionately. She pushes him back, looks at him intently, then leans forward to return the kiss.
-
MUTUAL TRUST
By Sandra Hildreth
INT. INSIDE IZZY’S OFFICE – DAY
Campaign posters with IZZY’s smiling face, hang in every available space on the walls. The office is crowded with furniture, literature boxes, and plain, wooden, dining chairs. Izzy’s desk is large, highly carved, shiny and topped with a thick piece of clear glass. A studio portrait of Izzy, his wife, their three children and six grandchildren is on the corner of the desk.
SQUIRE and NANCY enter the office. Izzy stands up, shakes both their hands, then motions toward the chairs. The two visitors sit down.
IZZY
Squire. Nancy. Thank you for coming in with such short notice. I have a huge favor to ask. Sylvia had a family emergency and is no longer able to be my campaign manager.
NANCY
Oh, Izzy, that is awful. You must be devastated.
IZZY
That doesn’t come close to how I’m feeling right now. Not only am I worried about her and her situation, she was in the middle of planning the next fundraiser.
SQUIRE
My sympathies to her and to you, Izzy. Is her leaving temporary or permanent?
IZZY
Unfortunately, permanent.
SQUIRE
Do you know who you’re going to name to take her place?
IZZY
No, I don’t, and unless I get the fundraiser going, I won’t have enough money to continue my campaign, which leads me to why I’ve invited you here. I would like you two to take over the planning and get this activity moving.
SQUIRE
Both of us?
NANCY
How far along is the project?
IZZY
Good question, Nancy. The date is set and the venue is booked, but that’s it.
SQUIRE
What the heck. That sounds like a challenge I’d like to take on.
IZZY
Along with Nancy, of course. Nancy, you in?
NANCY
Of course. Who’s the lead?
IZZY
I’ll leave that up for you two to work out. There are two laptops on the conference table in Sylvia’s office. I’ve given you access to the work station drive and with all her notes and information. Any questions?
NANCY
Not a question, really, but an offer. I’m in the middle of designing the poster for the rally. I know how important that is and I’d really like to finish that myself rather than hand it off to someone. I’m willing to work on that this weekend if that’s OK with you?
IZZY
Certainly, that’d be OK with me. More than OK, matter of fact. I truly appreciate your helping me out like this. That really makes me happy.
SQUIRE
How generous of you, Nancy. Any way I can help, just let me know, OK?
NANCY
Thank you. I will. Ready to get started?
SQUIRE
Absolutely!
The three stand up and shake hands. Nance and Squire leave Izzy’s office, turn the corner and enter Sylvia’s. The laptops are on opposite sides of the conference table. They each take a seat and wiggle the mouse to wake up the screen.
NANCY
Whew! That was a surprise. I’d like to take the lead, if you don’t mind. I’ve had a lot of experience setting up events.
SQUIRE
I’d like to take a look at what we’ve got here before we decide if you don’t mind.
NANCY
I’m not sure why you want to wait, but if that’s how you feel…
SQUIRE
Thank you. I appreciate that.
The two open files on the laptops and get immersed in reading the information. Nancy leans back and locks her hands together behind her back.
NANCY
Hm. The Banquet room at the Fairmont. Seating for 400.
Nancy leans back in her chair. A smile slowly broadens on her face.
SQUIRE
Agreed. You look like you have an idea brewing in that pretty little head of yours. Care to share?
NANCY
Hm. I’m picturing a Las Vegas theme with roulette, blackjack, Texas Hold ‘em. Slots. You know, the works!
SQUIRE
That sounds fantastic! I can see it now. Dealers in their little short skirts and sexy blouses.
NANCY
Don’t forget the hunks, too. We have to get the ladies gambling, too.
SQUIRE
What about the menu?
NANCY
Open bar, of course, just like Vegas. Then prime rib followed by Crème Brûlée
NANCY
I like that idea. Let’s run it by Izzy.
SQUIRE
Interesting! Let’s run it by Izzy. Oh, and since you thought of this, I think you should be the lead. I acquiesce to you.
NANCY
Thank you, Squire. I appreciate that. Ready?
Squire and Nancy walk arm-in-arm to Izzy’s office and knock on the door.
IZZY
Come in.
They enter the room. Izzy stands up, they shake hands, then all sit down.
SQUIRE
Nancy has taken the lead in this project and she’s come up with an idea she’d like to share. Nancy?
NANCY
What do you think about a Las Vegas theme, complete with gaming tables, very attractive dealers and a prime rib meal?
IZZY
And you agree with this idea, Squire?
SQUIRE
This was Nancy’s idea. That’s why she’s the lead.
Nancy and Squire lean back in their chairs. Their body language and faces show complete satisfaction with themselves.
Izzy leans forward, braces himself with his hands on his desk and rises very slowly, his face frozen, trying to hide any emotion. He stares straight at Squire.
IZZY
And I guess you thought if you let her present this idea I would appoint you my manager? Think again. I want a leader on my team, not someone that’s conniving and manipulative. You’ve written enough of my speeches to know my stance on gambling.
Nancy leans forward in her chair and faces Squire, her face turning bright red. Squire drops his eyes and squirms slightly.
IZZY
And Nancy, Did you not read my stance on “keeping casinos on Native American land where it belong”? I’m sorry. Neither of you passed this test. Squire, Get your things and go volunteer someplace else. This isn’t where you belong. Nancy, please, take the time to read what I believe in. And if you’ll both excuse me, I have some campaigning to do.
-
LOGLINE: JERRY STOLE A REAL ESTATE CLIENT FROM PHYLLIS
INT. REAL ESTATE COMPANY CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
At the monthly meeting of the company’s agents, the manager, HAYLEY, stands at the front of the room. Five trophies are on the desk in front of her.
JERRY strides in, looks around, spies an empty chair and sits down next to PHYLLIS.
Hayley looks up at Jerry then down at her wristwatch. She shakes her head.
JERRY
Well. Hi. Mind if I sit down?
PHYLLIS
Do I have a choice? Hm. Sure. Sit.
HAYLEY
I’d like to thank everyone for being here today, especially Jerry. I sent him a special invitation to today’s meeting for an extra special award I’ll announce just prior to handing out this year’s production trophies. This month’s topic is “ethics within the group,” a topic we all need reminding about periodically, some of us more than others from I hear. After the presentation, there is a special guest who will speak about this video. Let’s get started, shall we?
Hayley beams while waving her hand over the trophies. She punches a few buttons on her laptop and turns around to make sure the video displays correctly on the large screen TV.
A 5-minute video plays about courtesy, honesty, and agents helping each other. After the video ends, Hayley stands up, walks to the door, opens it, and steps back to allow JANICE to enter the room.
HAYLEY
Everyone. This is Janice Smith with the State Real Estate Ethics Committee. She’s here to relate a true-to-life event that, while perfectly legal, is against all ethical behavior we expect out of our agents. Janice?
JANICE
Good afternoon, everyone. Thank you for having me here today. The story I’m about to tell you is true, much as I wish it weren’t. But it illustrates how ethics is just as important with coworkers as it is with clients. As a few of you know, I am in the process of moving to this great city and reached out to Phyllis, my collage roommate, to help me find a new home.
All eyes turn toward Phyllis. Phyllis nods slightly. Jerry’s face turns red. He slumps slightly in his seat.
JANICE
Two weeks ago, Phyllis and I were having lunch when we were joined by another agent. He sat down and we started talking. After finding out I was moving here and that I was single, this agent flirted outrageously and wound up asking me on a date. I was flattered and accepted. It didn’t take him long to offer to be my real estate agent. I told him I was already using Phyllis and even had a list of homes I was interested in, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I finally gave in and let him take me to all those homes. We spent days and days and drove hundreds of miles finding just the right place. Today, I would like to put on offer on that $5,000,000 property. Jerry?
Jerry stands up, beaming, and walks to the front of the room. He puts out his hand to shake with Phyllis. Phyllis, instead, reached into her jacket pocket, pulls out a Gift Card to the Iron Hill Brewery and hands it to Jerry. He looks at it quizzically.
JANICE
Here’s $25 to go drown your sorrows for a missed commission that was never yours to begin with.
Hayley stands up and walks purposely toward Jerry and Janice. She picks an envelope up off the table and hands it to Jerry.
HAYLEY
Here’s your license back. Go hang it at another real estate company. We don’t want you here.
Jerry, with a beet red face, takes the two items, stuffs then into his pocket, stomps out of the room and slams the door behind him.
JANICE
Phyllis. Let’s meet in your office after this meeting and draw up the papers, OK?
Phyllis, beaming, nods her head.
-
Sandra Hildreth Reveals
What I learned from doing this assignment was: I should always make my story most interesting by adding reveals and other features to keep the audience engaged and wanting more.
MARIA
Why are you stopping? They will look for us and when they find us, we’re dead.
QUINCY
Do you know where they’ve got Harry?
MARIA
No. And if I did, I’m not telling you.
Quincy slams his fist hard onto the back of Ashton’s seat.
QUINCY
Maria, I will take you wherever you want me to, but I’m not leaving without Harry. You’re lying. Tell me where he is. Now.
MARIA
No. They are bad men. You don’t understand how bad they are.
ASHTON
They wouldn’t hurt you, would they?
MARIA
Si. I have tried to escape before and he told me he would kill me if I ever tried again. And he would.
QUINCY
Escape?
MARIA
Yes. I am his captive, just like you. He is no good. He kidnaps people and he takes young girls – and boys – from their families and ships them to many places. I was one of those girls, but Jaime kept me for his pleasure.
ASHTON
Nobody would help you?
MARIA
No. Everyone is afraid of Jaime. Even the police. I tell you, he is a bad man.
QUINCY
Maria, please. You must tell us where they are keeping Harry.
MARIA
No. I must get to my village first.
QUINCY
I will not leave here without him. You must tell us. I promise, once we have him, we will take you to your village. Please.
MARIA
Madre de Dios. No. Lo siento, I will not tell you where your friend is until you get me to my village.
ASHTON
What can be more important than rescuing Harry?
MARIA
My child.
-
Sandra Hildreth Character Relationships
What I learned about doing this assignment is that how the characters interact with each other is just as, if not more, important than the character’s profile.
I am unable to copy and paste the spreadsheet I created, so will sum it up by saying the four characters I chose, by changing one trait, changed the entire dynamic of their relationships and will make for a much more interesting screenplay.
-
MUTUAL TRUST
By Sandra Hildreth
INT. INSIDE IZZY’S OFFICE – DAY
Campaign posters with IZZY’s smiling face, hang in every available space on the walls. The office is crowded with furniture, literature boxes, and plain, wooden, dining chairs. Izzy’s desk is large, highly carved, shiny and topped with a thick piece of clear glass. A studio portrait of Izzy, his wife, their three children and six grandchildren is on the corner of the desk.
SQUIRE and NANCY enter the office. Izzy stands up, shakes both their hands, then motions toward the chairs. The two visitors sit down.
IZZY
Squire. Nancy. Thank you for coming in with such short notice. I have a huge favor to ask. Sylvia had a family emergency and is no longer able to be my campaign manager.
NANCY
Oh, Izzy, that is awful. You must be devastated.
IZZY
That doesn’t come close to how I’m feeling right now. Not only am I worried about her and her situation, she was in the middle of planning the next fundraiser.
SQUIRE
My sympathies to her and to you, Izzy. Is her leaving temporary or permanent?
IZZY
Unfortunately, permanent.
SQUIRE
Do you know who you’re going to name to take her place?
IZZY
No, I don’t, and unless I get the fundraiser going, I won’t have enough money to continue my campaign, which leads me to why I’ve invited you here. I would like you two to take over the planning and get this activity moving.
SQUIRE
Both of us?
NANCY
How far along is the project?
IZZY
Good question, Nancy. The date is set and the venue is booked, but that’s it.
SQUIRE
What the heck. That sounds like a challenge I’d like to take on.
IZZY
Along with Nancy, of course. Nancy, you in?
NANCY
Of course. Who’s the lead?
IZZY
I’ll leave that up for you two to work out. There are two laptops on the conference table in Sylvia’s office. I’ve given you access to the work station drive and with all her notes and information. Any questions?
NANCY
Not a question, really, but an offer. I’m in the middle of designing the poster for the rally. I know how important that is and I’d really like to finish that myself rather than hand it off to someone. I’m willing to work on that this weekend if that’s OK with you?
IZZY
Certainly, that’d be OK with me. More than OK, matter of fact. I truly appreciate your helping me out like this. That really makes me happy.
SQUIRE
How generous of you, Nancy. Any way I can help, just let me know, OK?
NANCY
Thank you. I will. Ready to get started?
SQUIRE
Absolutely!
The three stand up and shake hands. Nance and Squire leave Izzy’s office, turn the corner and enter Sylvia’s. The laptops are on opposite sides of the conference table. They each take a seat and wiggle the mouse to wake up the screen.
NANCY
Whew! That was a surprise. I’d like to take the lead, if you don’t mind. I’ve had a lot of experience setting up events.
SQUIRE
I’d like to take a look at what we’ve got here before we decide if you don’t mind.
NANCY
I’m not sure why you want to wait, but if that’s how you feel…
SQUIRE
Thank you. I appreciate that.
The two open files on the laptops and get immersed in reading the information. Nancy leans back and locks her hands together behind her back.
NANCY
Hm. The Banquet room at the Fairmont. Seating for 400.
Nancy leans back in her chair. A smile slowly broadens on her face.
SQUIRE
Agreed. You look like you have an idea brewing in that pretty little head of yours. Care to share?
NANCY
Hm. I’m picturing a Las Vegas theme with roulette, blackjack, Texas Hold ‘em. Slots. You know, the works!
SQUIRE
That sounds fantastic! I can see it now. Dealers in their little short skirts and sexy blouses.
NANCY
Don’t forget the hunks, too. We have to get the ladies gambling, too.
SQUIRE
What about the menu?
NANCY
Open bar, of course, just like Vegas. Then prime rib followed by Crème Brûlée
NANCY
I like that idea. Let’s run it by Izzy.
SQUIRE
Interesting! Let’s run it by Izzy. Oh, and since you thought of this, I think you should be the lead. I acquiesce to you.
NANCY
Thank you, Squire. I appreciate that. Ready?
Squire and Nancy walk arm-in-arm to Izzy’s office and knock on the door.
IZZY
Come in.
They enter the room. Izzy stands up, they shake hands, then all sit down.
SQUIRE
Nancy has taken the lead in this project and she’s come up with an idea she’d like to share. Nancy?
NANCY
What do you think about a Las Vegas theme, complete with gaming tables, very attractive dealers and a prime rib meal?
IZZY
And you agree with this idea, Squire?
SQUIRE
This was Nancy’s idea. That’s why she’s the lead.
Nancy and Squire lean back in their chairs. Their body language and faces show complete satisfaction with themselves.
Izzy leans forward, braces himself with his hands on his desk and rises very slowly, his face frozen, trying to hide any emotion. He stares straight at Squire.
IZZY
And I guess you thought if you let her present this idea I would appoint you my manager? Think again. I want a leader on my team, not someone that’s conniving and manipulative. You’ve written enough of my speeches to know my stance on gambling.
Nancy leans forward in her chair and faces Squire, her face turning bright red. Squire drops his eyes and squirms slightly.
IZZY
And Nancy, Did you not read my stance on “keeping casinos on Native American land where it belong”? I’m sorry. Neither of you passed this test. Squire, Get your things and go volunteer someplace else. This isn’t where you belong. Nancy, please, take the time to read what I believe in. And if you’ll both excuse me, I have some campaigning to do.
-
LOGLINE: Two volunteers for the “Izzy for President” campaign are challenged to come up with a way to raise $1,000,000 with only a $20,000 budget.
ESSENCE: Each believes that whomever shines the brightest will be appointed the campaign chair,
***********************
MUTUAL TRUST
By Sandra Hildreth
INT. INSIDE IZZY’S OFFICE – DAY
Campaign posters with IZZY’s smiling face, hang in every available space on the walls. The office is crowded with furniture, literature boxes, and plain, wooden, dining chairs. Izzy’s desk is large, highly carved, shiny and topped with a thick piece of clear glass. A studio portrait of Izzy, his wife, their three children and six grandchildren is on the corner of the desk.
SQUIRE and NANCY enter the office. Izzy stands up, shakes both their hands, then motions toward the chairs. The two visitors sit down.
IZZY
Squire. Nancy. Thank you for coming in with such short notice. I have a huge favor to ask. Sylvia had a family emergency and is no longer able to be my campaign manager.
NANCY
Oh, Izzy, that is awful. You must be devastated.
IZZY
That doesn’t come close to how I’m feeling right now. Not only am I worried about her and her situation, she was in the middle of planning the next fundraiser and had to drop everything.
SQUIRE
My sympathies to her and to you, Izzy. Is her leaving temporary or permanent?
IZZY
Unfortunately, she won’t be coming back.
SQUIRE
Do you know who you’re going to name to take her place?
IZZY
No, I don’t, and unless I get the fundraiser going, I won’t have enough money to continue my campaign, which leads me to why I’ve invited you here. I would like you two to take over the planning and get this activity moving.
SQUIRE
Both of us?
NANCY
How far along is the project?
IZZY
Good question, Nancy. The date is set and the venue is booked, but that’s it.
SQUIRE
What the heck. That sounds like a challenge I’d like to take on.
IZZY
Along with Nancy, of course. Nancy, you in?
NANCY
Of course. Who’s the lead?
IZZY
I’ll leave that up for you two to work out. There are two laptops on the conference table in Sylvia’s office. I’ve given you access to the work station drive and with all her notes and information. Any questions?
NANCY
Not a question, really, but an offer. I’m in the middle of your speech for the rally. I know how important that is and I’d really like to finish that myself rather than hand it off to someone. I’m willing to work on that this weekend if that’s OK with you?
IZZY
Certainly, that’d be OK with me. More than OK, matter of fact. I truly appreciate your helping me out like this. That really makes me happy.
SQUIRE
How generous of you, Nancy. Any way I can help, just let me know, OK?
NANCY
Thank you. I will. Ready to get started?
SQUIRE
Absolutely!
The three stand up and shake hands. Nance and Squire leave Izzy’s office, turn the corner and enter Sylvia’s. The laptops are on opposite sides of the conference table. They each take a seat and wiggle the mouse to wake up the screen.
NANCY
Whew! That was a surprise. I’d like to take the lead, if you don’t mind. I’ve had a lot of experience setting up events.
SQUIRE
Why don’t we work a bit on this and decide who takes the lead after a bit. I’d like to take a look at what we’ve got here, first, if you don’t mind.
NANCY
I’m not sure why you want to wait, but if that’s how you feel…
SQUIRE
Thank you. I appreciate that.
The two open files on the laptops and get immersed in reading the information. Nancy leans back and locks her hands together behind her back.
NANCY
Hm. The Banquet room at the Fairmont. Seating for 400. Luckily, this late in spring should be OK weather-wise. Not much chance of an ice storm nor the dreadful Texas heat, yet.
SQUIRE
Agreed. You look like you have an idea brewing in that pretty little head of yours. Care to share?
NANCY
Hm. I’m wondering about a Las Vegas theme with roulette, blackjack, Texas Hold ’em. Slots. You know, the works!
SQUIRE
That sounds fantastic! I can see it now. Dealers in their little short skirts and sexy blouses.
NANCY
Don’t forget the hunks, too. We have to get the ladies gambling, too.
SQUIRE
What about the menu?
NANCY
Open bar, of course, just like Vegas. Then prime rib. The works, followed by Crème Brûlée
SQUIRE
Let’s run it by Izzy. Oh, and by the way, since you thought of this, I think you should be the lead. I acquiesce to you.
NANCY
Thank you, Squire. I appreciate that. Ready?
Squire and Nancy walk arm-in-arm to Izzy’s office and knock on the door.
IZZY
Come in.
They enter the room, Izzy stands up, they shake hands, then all sit down.
SQUIRE
Nancy has taken the lead in this project and came up with an idea she’d like to share. Nancy?
NANCY
As you probably know, Sylvia booked the Fairmont ballroom that seats 400. What do you think about a Las Vegas theme, complete with gaming tables, very attractive dealers and a prime rib meal?
IZZY
And you agree with this idea, Squire?
SQUIRE
This was Nancy’s idea. That’s why she’s the lead
Nancy and Squire lean back in their chairs. Their body language and faces show complete satisfaction with themselves.
Izzy leans forward, braces himself with his hands on his desk and rises very slowly, his face frozen, trying to hide any emotion.
IZZY
And I guess you thought if you let her present this idea I would appoint you my manager? Think again. I want a leader on my team, not someone that’s conniving and manipulative.
Nancy leans forward in her chair and faces Squire, her face turning bright red. Squire drops his eyes and squirms slightly.
IZZY
And Nancy, Did you not read my platform and stance on “keeping casinos on Native American land where it belong”? I am sorry neither of you passed this test. Squire, Get your things and go volunteer someplace else. This isn’t where you belong. Nancy, please, take the time to read what I believe in. And if you’ll excuse me, I have some campaigning to do.
-
Sandra Hildreth Challenging Situations
“What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is improving my chances of the script being looked at and sold to a TV production company, including creating habits what will improve my writing for good..”
Scene 1:
A. Current Scene Logline: The lady who started a fire at the boutique is released from the hospital.
B. Essence: One of the partners must reveal why she was at the boutique in the middle of the night.
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.
1. One of the other partners doesn’t buy the explanation and delves further into the reason.
2. Her husband is out of town – again
3. Her children are becoming suspicious about their father.
4. She took her gun with her.
5. If she didn’t finish the orders, who would?
D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge. The partner reveals that even though her husband is in a place he goes a lot, she has started worrying. She also took a gun to the boutique with her, showing she might be becoming a bit unstable.
Scene 2:
A. Current Scene Logline: Participating in the Polar Bear Plunge is broached
B. Essence: Four old ladies talk about the cons of going into the ocean in February
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges. They’re old, the water’s cold, they are lazy, one refuses to go but they are a “team” that always does things together.
D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge. Create more dialogue with funnier, yet poignant lines about the Polar Bear Plunge
INT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY EXAM ROOM – NIGHT
Lily, under a thin sheet and blanket, lays on an exam table with an oxygen tube in her nostrils. Her eyes are closed. Nobody else is in the room. The privacy curtains are pulled shut.
Rose, two coats in her arms, yanks on the curtains to pull them open, then yanks them closed again.
Lily is startled, pulls off the oxygen tube, sits up, and stares wide-eyed at Rose.
ROSE
Why in the hell were you at the shop? And put that tube back in.
Lily obediently puts the oxygen tube in her nostrils and lays her head back down on the pillow.
Rose smooths out Lily’s sheet and blanket as well as she can and takes hold of Lily’s hand.
LILY
(Sleepily)
Oh, Rose, I couldn’t sleep and I needed to finish up those orders.
ROSE
Why so late? Couldn’t you fill those out during normal hours?
LILY
Yes, but you know me. Once I fixate on something, I just have to get it done, regardless.
ROSE
Ah. I do understand, but I’m still mad at you!
LILY
Oh, Rose!
ROSE
Don’t “Oh, Rose,” me. I’m still mad. You should never be in the shop alone, at night. It’s dangerous.
The conversation is interrupted by the entrance of an EMERGENCY ROOM DOCTOR.
LILY
(under her breath)
Saved.
Lily sits up and swings her legs off the table.
The doctor reaches over and removes the oxygen tube.
DOCTOR
Good news, Ms. Odom. The tests show no damage to your lungs. You are free to go home.
LILY
I told you so!
-
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to create heightened suspense, intrigue and interest using better characterization and actions/reactions.
Scene 1:
A. Current Scene Logline: Ashton, Quincy and Maria escape the compound
B. Essence: Maria, a captive herself, provides the means for the three captives to escape.
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges. They have to extract Harry, who is badly hurt. Other captors will be chasing them quickly.
D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge. Change from being conveniently picked up by Maria, to them mistaking who is in the car and nearly shooting her. She reveals where Harry is so they may rescue him, but elicits promises from Ashton and Quincy they will return her to her village before they head for the airport.
Scene 2:
A. Current Scene Logline: The captives head for the Caracas airport.
B. Essence: The captives flee from their captors.
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges. The captives must hide themselves and the car to rescue Harry. They watch cars leave the compound searching for the escapees. They find Harry, but because he’s so weak, the going is slow and they are caught, forcing another fight, but this time with guns.
D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge. Change from a leisurely ride from the compound to Caracas to more action and conflict, as well as adding the rescue of Harry here instead of later. More conflict as they get Maria to her village.
-
Title: Sandra Hildreth,
Full-out Characters
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to create characters with traits that provide opportunities to create interest, drama, and intrigue into my screenwriting.
Four
character “Before”IRIS: Grounded, down-to-earth, rarely panics, relies heavily on her wife, shy, doesn’t want to rock anyone’s boat.
LILY: Laid back, artistic, sophisticated, divorced
ROSE: A worrier, over-thinks and over-analyzes everything
HOLLY: Fearless, frank, exuberant
Four
characters “After”IRIS: grounded, empathetic, resourceful, devious, manipulative
LILY: laid back, artistic, self-serving (selfish), quick temper, argumentative, mischievous
ROSE: organized, a natural leader, envious (social climber), flaky, haughty, obstinate
HOLLY: Fearless, frank, exuberant, conceited, disruptive, forgetful
-
THE SKY IS GRAY
By Sandra Hildreth
LOGLINE: A construction company president must obtain insider information about an upcoming bid or face bankruptcy.
ESSENCE: The president of a construction company will stop at nothing to find out information from his neighbor that to be assured his will be the winning bid.
ACT ONE
EXT. IN FRONT OF THE ESPLANADE POOL AT THE TEXAS STATE FAIR – DAY
Nick scans the crowd as he sits on the lawn in front of the Centennial Hall. Japanese aerialists perform dangerous moves on tight ropes and swings positioned high above the water. He spots John carrying two paper food trays, wending his way toward him, trying desperately not to spill the drinks or drop the food.
Nick stands up and waves toward John. John sees Nick wave and nods his head to show he sees him. Nick remains standing until John arrives and hands him one of the trays. John sits down and they converse while they watch the aerialists and enjoy the lemonade and funnel cakes.
NICK
You did pretty good, I thought this stuff was toast when that kid ran into you. I never knew you had such balance skills. You could be a performer up there with them guys.
JOHN
Thanks. And thank you for inviting me today. I don’t usually go to places like this, especially with all these people, but this has been lots of fun so far, especially those rides on the Midway. I wish you would have gone on them, too, though.
NICK
Nah. Too dangerous for me, especially that thing the spins then drops the floor while you’re hanging on the wall. I thought I’d puke just watching you.
JOHN
Hey, you know anything about the Smith Site Project?
NICK
Some, why?
JOHN
I was thinking about bidding on it
NICK
Really? You know the rules about kickbacks and stuff, don’t you?
JOHN
Who doesn’t, but I’m not looking to buy information, just see if there isn’t something public I could use to give me a nudge up in the process.
NICK
Ah. Have you read all the press releases?
JOHN
About the project? No. I googled it but didn’t find anything. What papers?
NICK
Just go to our website, click on “About” choose “Press Releases,” type “Smith Site” in the search bar and start reading.
Fireworks go off indicating the end of the aerialist’s performance. John and Nick pick up their trash and stand up.
JOHN
I appreciate the information, my friend. That’ll help tremendously.
John and Nick edge their way through the crowd toward Grand Avenue.
NICK
Ever walked on the pond wall?
JOHN
That skinny little wall? Nope and not likely to, either.
NICK
I tell you what. If you walk along that wall – and I’ll be right beside you holding your arm – I will give you some information you won’t find anywhere else. Deal?
JOHN
How far would I have to walk?
Nick lets out a hardy laugh.
NICK
One section.
(pointing to a seam in the concrete)
From this seam to that one.
JOHN
That’s about ten feet. I think I could do that, as long as you walk beside me.
NICK
I’ll be right next to you the whole way.
JOHN
Deal!
John and Nick reach the pond’s wall. John steps gingerly onto the wall. He takes one step, then another and another, Nick walking next to him the entire length. John swivels to face Nick.
JOHN
Made it!
NICK
You did! Now to keep my side of the deal – the information. Keep the budget low and the time frame short.
JOHN
Are you kidding me? Any idiot knows that!
NICK
I know. And only an idiot would abuse a friendship like this.
Nick, using both hands, pushes against John’s chest, sending him backwards into the pool. Nick leans over the edge.
NICK
Oh, by the way, you’ll need to get an Uber home. I’m outta here.
Nick strides away, whistling, head held high.
-
A DINNER DATE
By Sandra Hildreth
INT. TRENT’S KITCHEN – DAY
Trent’s kitchen is meticulously clean and organized. The dishes behind the glass doored cabinets are organized by function and lined up or stacked by size and shape perfectly. A shiny chrome tray on the otherwise empty countertop next to the refrigerator holds three footed coffee cups, a napkin holder full of neatly folded paper napkins, a sugar bowl, creamer, a spoon resting on a napkin, and a half-full coffee pot.
The black appliances, glass stove-top and granite countertop shine brilliantly.
TRENT, 42, still in his pajamas and silk robe, sips his coffee as he reads the morning newspaper. He carefully folds the paper, lays it on the table, picks up his phone and dials a number.
TRENT
Hi, Robert. How are you this bright and sunny morning?
ROBERT (V.O.)
Trent. How perfectly lovely to hear from you.
TRENT
Do you have any plans this evening?
ROBERT (V.O.)
No. Why?
TRENT
How would you like to join me for spaghetti? A friend brought by some marvelous sauce and I can’t wait to taste it.
ROBERT (V.O.)
I’d love to. What time?
TRENT
8:00?
ROBERT (V.O.)
Can I bring anything?
TRENT
Oh, that would be lovely. The Wine Shop near you has some Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon, 2019, that would pair perfectly. Oh, and if you could also stop at that bakery next door and pick up a baguette, we’d be all set.
ROBERT (V.O.)
Sauvignon, 2019, and baguette. Sounds easy enough. I’ll be there at 8:00.
TRENT
Good. See you tonight.
ROBERT (V.O.)
Tonight.
Trent looks at the phone’s screen, pushes the red phone icon, sets it carefully on the table, picks up the paper, unfolds it, and resumes reading it.
INT. TRENT’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Soft music plays in the background.
Trent pulls two of everything out of the cabinets and drawers he needs to set the table – dinner plates, salad plates, soup bowls, wine glasses, water glasses, dinner knives, soup spoons, white cloth napkins. A low-profile flower arrangement is in the middle of the table flanked by two ornate candelabras with twisted, white candles. He sets up the place settings on opposite sides of the table, making sure each piece is in exactly the right place.
He takes a pitcher of water from the refrigerator, fills the two water glasses, and returns the pitcher to the fridge.
From the countertop, Trent takes two lidded bowls, a bowl of finely grated parmesan cheese with a small serving spoon, and a plate of antipasto and places them on the dining table. He checks his watch. 8:10.
The Doorbell RINGS. Trent rubs his hands together, holds his head up high, strides to the front door and opens it wide.
Robert stands at the front door, wine bottle in one hand, a baguette in a bakery bag in the other. He lifts both hands up in greeting, lowers them, and enters.
TRENT
Oh, you brought the wine and bread. Goodie. 2019?
ROBERT
Yes, 2019. A bit more expensive than my usual, but spending an evening with you is worth it.
TRENT
Oh, you are too kind, my friend.
Trent takes the wine and bread and gestures toward the table.
TRENT
Have a seat. Either chair. I’ll be right there.
Robert pulls out a chair and sits down.
Trent puts the baguette on a bread tray with bread knife and butter pats. He looks at the wine bottle’s label, nods in satisfaction, and uncorks the wine. He takes the bread tray to the table, sets the bread down, pours wine into the wine glasses, sets the bottle down, pulls a lighter out of his pocket and lights the candles. He takes a step back and looks over the table and his guest.
TRENT
Ah, perfect.
Trent takes the lids off the bowls, puts them on the countertop, takes the salad bowl out of the refrigerator and picks up the spaghetti spoon, sauce ladle, and salad tongs waiting on the countertop. He puts the salad on the table and places the utensils in the appropriate bowls.
TRENT
Ready? Please, you go first.
ROBERT
Thank you. This looks and smells delicious.
Trent cuts a few slices off the baguette, setting aside the heal, while Robert fills his plate. Once filled, Robert generously sprinkles his food with the parmesan cheese.
Trent fills his plate, but does not use the parmesan cheese. Robert does not notice the omission.
The men carry on a conversation as they eat.
TRENT
I understand you work with Harriet?
ROBERT
Harriet Wilson?
TRENT
Yes. Harriet Wilson.
ROBERT
Yes. Sweet lady. She and I are good friends.
TRENT
More parmesan?
ROBERT
Thank you, yes. I’m very fond of parmesan and this is particularly good.
Robert sprinkles more parmesan over his spaghetti.
TRENT
Really? I heard you and she are enemies, that you don’t like her at all.
ROBERT
I’m not sure who told you that, but it’s quite the opposite. I admire her a great deal.
TRENT
Oh, please, tell me what you admire about her. I think she’s quite delightful.
ROBERT
Certainly! She’s always to work on time, helps anyone who asks, always has a smile, she’s very attractive, she’s raising three children on her own and, from what I understand, is doing a very good job of it.
Robert eats the last bite off his plate, pats his lips, and sets the napkin beside the plate. Robert does the same.
TRENT
Amazing. Those are the very same things I admire about her, and although I can’t testify about her being at work on time and helping her coworkers, that fits in with her personal attributes perfectly. Finished?
ROBERT
Yes. Everything was delicious. Thank you so very much.
TRENT
I’m glad you like it. I prepared everything just for you. I would like to show you a photo of Harriet and me in the guest room. Care to join me?
ROBERT
I would like that very much.
Trent leads the way to the guest room. He walks to the dresser and picks up a photo of he and Harriet, taken when they were much younger. He hands it to Robert. Robert looks at it, studies it, looks into Robert’s face and carefully puts it back on the dresser.
ROBERT
So you’ve been friends a long time?
TRENT
A very long time. But I have a question for you. What about her computer viewing habits?
ROBERT
Computer viewing habits?
TRENT
Yes. You know, her propensity of watching porn when she’s on her breaks or at lunch? On the company’s computer?
Robert ceases smiling and looks gravely at Trent.
ROBERT
I don’t know what you mean.
TRENT
Really? That’s not what I heard. When it was announced that you and she were in competition for the same position, you didn’t go immediately to H.R. and tell them you saw Harriet watching porn?
ROBERT
That wasn’t me, I swear.
TRENT
Liar! H.R. called Harriet in, ready to fire her. Luckily, the computer history and surveillance cameras showed Harriet to be completely innocent. Why would you do that?
ROBERT
Why did she think it was me?
TRENT
Easy. Harriet was at the other end of the hall when you and the head of H.R. left the office.
ROBERT
(Sputtering)
I, I, I, well, it could have been me…
TRENT
You’ve gone too far, Robert. You might think your gossiping was cute, or funny, or whatever, but you’ve really hurt someone this time. Someone very close to me. My daughter.
Trent draws back his fist, hits Robert until his face is bruised and bloody. Robert drops to the floor.
ROBERT
Please, no more. Please stop.
TRENT
I’ll stop, but you may want to get home quickly. That cheese was highly laced with a very strong laxative. And, by the way, expect a visit from H.R.
-
A DINNER DATE
By Sandra Hildreth
INT. TRENT’S KITCHEN – DAY
Trent’s kitchen is meticulously clean and organized. The dishes behind the glass doored cabinets are organized by function and lined up or stacked by size and shape perfectly. A shiny chrome tray on the otherwise empty countertop next to the refrigerator holds three footed coffee cups, a napkin holder full of neatly folded paper napkins, a sugar bowl, creamer, a spoon resting on a napkin, and a half-full coffee pot.
The black appliances, glass stove-top and granite countertop shine brilliantly.
TRENT, 42, still in his pajamas and silk robe, sips his coffee as he reads the morning newspaper. He carefully folds the paper, lays it on the table, picks up his phone and dials a number.
TRENT
Hi, Robert. How are you this bright and sunny morning?
ROBERT (V.O.)
Trent. How perfectly lovely to hear from you.
TRENT
Do you have any plans this evening?
ROBERT (V.O.)
No. Why?
TRENT
How would you like to join me for spaghetti? A friend brought by some marvelous sauce and I can’t wait to taste it.
ROBERT (V.O.)
I’d love to. What time?
TRENT
8:00?
ROBERT (V.O.)
Can I bring anything?
TRENT
Oh, that would be lovely. The Wine Shop near you has some Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon, 2019, that would pair perfectly. Oh, and if you could also stop at that bakery next door and pick up a baguette, we’d be all set.
ROBERT (V.O.)
Sauvignon, 2019, and baguette. Sounds easy enough. I’ll be there at 8:00.
TRENT
Good. See you tonight.
ROBERT (V.O.)
Tonight.
Trent looks at the phone’s screen, pushes the red phone icon, sets it carefully on the table, picks up the paper, unfolds it, and resumes reading it.
INT. TRENT’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Soft music plays in the background.
Trent pulls two of everything out of the cabinets and drawers he needs to set the table – dinner plates, salad plates, soup bowls, wine glasses, water glasses, dinner knives, soup spoons, white cloth napkins. A low-profile flower arrangement is in the middle of the table flanked by two ornate candelabras with twisted, white candles. He sets up the place settings on opposite sides of the table, making sure each piece is in exactly the right place.
He takes a pitcher of water from the refrigerator, fills the two water glasses, and returns the pitcher to the fridge.
From the countertop, Trent takes two lidded bowls, a bowl of finely grated parmesan cheese with a small serving spoon, and a plate of antipasto and places them on the dining table. He checks his watch. 8:10.
The Doorbell RINGS. Trent rubs his hands together, holds his head up high, strides to the front door and opens it wide.
Robert stands at the front door, wine bottle in one hand, a baguette in a bakery bag in the other. He lifts both hands up in greeting, lowers them, and enters.
TRENT
Oh, you brought the wine and bread. Goodie. 2019?
ROBERT
Yes, 2019. A bit more expensive than my usual, but spending an evening with you is worth it.
TRENT
Oh, you are too kind, my friend.
Trent takes the wine and bread and gestures toward the table.
TRENT
Have a seat. Either chair. I’ll be right there.
Robert pulls out a chair and sits down.
Trent puts the baguette on a bread tray with bread knife and butter pats. He looks at the wine bottle’s label, nods in satisfaction, and uncorks the wine. He takes the bread tray to the table, sets the bread down, pours wine into the wine glasses, sets the bottle down, pulls a lighter out of his pocket and lights the candles. He takes a step back and looks over the table and his guest.
TRENT
Ah, perfect.
Trent takes the lids off the bowls, puts them on the countertop, takes the salad bowl out of the refrigerator and picks up the spaghetti spoon, sauce ladle, and salad tongs waiting on the countertop. He puts the salad on the table and places the utensils in the appropriate bowls.
TRENT
Ready? Please, you go first.
ROBERT
Thank you. This looks and smells delicious.
Trent cuts a few slices off the baguette, setting aside the heal, while Robert fills his plate. Once filled, Robert generously sprinkles his food with the parmesan cheese.
Trent fills his plate, but does not use the parmesan cheese. Robert does not notice the omission.
The men carry on a conversation as they eat.
TRENT
I understand you work with Harriet?
ROBERT
Harriet Wilson?
TRENT
Yes. Harriet Wilson.
ROBERT
Yes. Sweet lady. She and I are good friends.
TRENT
More parmesan?
ROBERT
Thank you, yes. I’m very fond of parmesan and this is particularly good.
Robert sprinkles more parmesan over his spaghetti.
TRENT
Really? I heard you and she are enemies, that you don’t like her at all.
ROBERT
I’m not sure who told you that, but it’s quite the opposite. I admire her a great deal.
TRENT
Oh, please, tell me what you admire about her. I think she’s quite delightful.
ROBERT
Certainly! She’s always to work on time, helps anyone who asks, always has a smile, she’s very attractive, she’s raising three children on her own and, from what I understand, is doing a very good job of it.
Robert eats the last bite off his plate, pats his lips, and sets the napkin beside the plate. Robert does the same.
TRENT
Amazing. Those are the very same things I admire about her, and although I can’t testify about her being at work on time and helping her coworkers, that fits in with her personal attributes perfectly. Finished?
ROBERT
Yes. Everything was delicious. Thank you so very much.
TRENT
I’m glad you like it. I prepared everything just for you. I would like to show you a photo of Harriet and me in the guest room. Care to join me?
ROBERT
I would like that very much.
Trent leads the way to the guest room. He walks to the dresser and picks up a photo if he and Harriet, taken when they were much younger. He hands it to Robert. Robert looks at it, studies it, and carefully puts it back on the dresser.
ROBERT
So you’ve been friends a long time?
TRENT
A very long time. But I have a question for you. What about her computer viewing habits?
ROBERT
Computer viewing habits?
TRENT
Yes. You know, her propensity of watching porn when she’s on her breaks or at lunch? On the company’s computer?
Robert ceases smiling and looks gravely at Trent.
ROBERT
I don’t know what you mean.
TRENT
Really? That’s not what I heard. When it was announced that you and she were in competition for the same position, you didn’t go immediately to H.R. and tell them you saw Harriet watching porn?
ROBERT
That wasn’t me, I swear.
TRENT
Liar! H.R. called Harriet in, ready to fire her. Luckily, the computer history showed Harriet to be completely innocent. Why would you do that?
ROBERT
Why did she think it was me?
TRENT
Stupid. Easy. Harriet was at the other end of the hall when you and the head of H.R. left the office. You turned one way and the head of H.R. saw Harriet and immediately confronted her. It didn’t take a mental giant to figure things out.
ROBERT
(Sputtering)
No, no, it wasn’t me. I, I, I don’t know who it was she saw, but it wasn’t me…
Trent draws back his fist, hits Robert until his face is bruised and bloody. Robert drops to the floor.
ROBERT
Please, no more. Please stop.
TRENT
I’ll stop, but you may want to get home quickly. That cheese was highly laced with a very strong laxative. And, by the way, expect a visit from H.R.
-
SANDRA HILDRETH MAX INTEREST PART 1
WHAT i’VE LEARNED THAT IS IMPROVING MY WRITING IS TO NOT RUSH THE SCENES, GIVE MAXIMUM DEPTH TO THE CHARACTER AND MAXIMIZE THE ESSENCE OF EACH SCENE.
BEFORE LOGLINE:THE THREE AMERICANS GET CAPTURED
EXT. THE JUNGLE WHERE THE THREE MEN SLEEP – DAWN
Harry, Ashton, and Quincy are asleep on the jungle floor. Suddenly, Juan emerges from the trees.
JUAN
Hola!
The three men wake up and hurriedly get to their feet.
HARRY
Juan! We thought you and the Captain were dead!
JUAN
No, señor. I am very much alive, as you can see.
ASHTON
And the Captain?
JUAN
He is very much dead.
QUINCY
How did you find us?
Juan smiles wickedly.
Jaime, Marcos, and Mikel, all carrying weapons, walk into the small clearing.
JAIME
It is we who found you, señor.
HARRY
What do you want?
JAIME
(laughing)
Dinero, of course! What else would you have that they would want?
QUINCY
(pulls out his wallet, opens it, and shows there is no cash inside)
I have no money.
JAIME
No, señor. I would not expect you would have $500,000 on your person.
HARRY
(Sputtering)
Half a million? Are you joking?
JAIME
Ah, señor. I do not joke. Half a million – for each of you.
HARRY
They aren’t worth half a million each. What about $100,000?
JAIME
Very funny, señor, but I do not laugh.
Jamie gestures toward Juan.
JAIME
Follow him and be assured, I will shoot if you try to escape.
Harry lifts his hands showing he will do as he’s told. Ashton and Quincy, both unblinking say nothing.
Juan kicks the yellow bag to the side and walks into the jungle followed by the three Americans. Jaime, Marcos and Mikel, at the rear, keep their weapons trained at the Americans.
AFTER lOGLINE: tHREE aMERICANS THINK THEY FIND A WAY TO ESCAPE BEING CAPTURED.
EXT. THE SHORELINE WHERE THE AMERICANS LANDED ON THE ISLAND – DAY
Scratched and bloodied from the trip through the underbrush, the tired and sweaty Americans reach the end of the tree line. Harry bursts through the trees first.
HARRY
Look! Freedom!
Harry puts it in high gear and runs toward the boat, Ashton and Quincy at his heals.
They reach the water and high-step it, then lunge forward and swim the rest of the way, even though the water is still fairly shallow. Quincy quickly taking the lead.
Quincy reaches the back of the boat and scrambles up the ladder. He turns around, shouts and waves his hand toward him, urging Ashton and Harry on.
QUINCY
Hurry!
(Waving his hand more vigorously)
We have to get out of here.
Ashton and Harry reach the ladder. Quincy helps them scramble on board.
Quincy hurries to the wheel. The key is in the ignition!
Harry picks up one of the AK-47s, hands it to Ashton and picks up one for himself.
Quincy turns the key. Nothing. He turns the key again and again. Nothing. He hurries to the back of the boat, takes the hull off the motor and lays it on the deck. He inspects the motor carefully.
QUINCY
We’re fucked. There’s no spark plug.
Ashton turns the gun over, lifts it up and down as if weighing it. He pulls out the magazine. Empty! He angrily tosses the weapon in the ocean.
Harry drops down to a bench, defeated.
Jaime, Marcos, and Mikel walk out of the trees and onto the beach.
Jaime holds a spark plug up in the air.
JAIME
You search for this, mis amigos? Wait there. I bring it to you.
Ashton and Quincy on deck, stare at the three men, expressionless.
The three pirates wade toward the boat, weapons held over their heads. Harry stands up and walks to the side of the boat next to Ashton and Quincy.
Mikel brings his weapon to his chest and aims it toward the Americans.
Jaime and Marcos board the boat.
HARRY
What do you want?
JAIME
(laughing)
Dinero, of course! What else would you have that we would want?
QUINCY
(pulls out his wallet, opens it, and shows there is no cash inside)
I have no money.
JAIME
No, señor. I would not expect you would have $500,000 on your person.
HARRY
Half a million? Are you joking?
JAIME
Ah, señor. I do not joke. Half a million – for each of you.
Mikel boards the boat and sits at the Captain’s wheel.
HARRY
They aren’t worth half a million each. What about $100,000?
JAIME
Very funny, but I do not laugh. Be assured, I will shoot if you try anything funny.
Ashton and Quincy, both unblinking say nothing. Harry lifts his hands and plops back down on the bench, clutching his chest. Ashton leans down and tries to help Harry. Harry waves him off.
HARRY
I’m OK. Really
JAIME
Marcos. Help the old man to the back seat and stay with him.
Marcos pulls Harry up, puts his arms around Harry’s waist and helps him to the broad seat along the side of the boat.
Jaime takes the wheel, turns on the ignition and speeds away.
-
SANDRA HILDRETH
ASSIGNEMENT THREE
Person One
1. Charming
2. Helpful
3. Controlling
4. Narcissistic
Person Two
1. Christian
2. Leader
3. Liar
4. Pedophile
Person Three
1. Bubbly
2. Sincere
3. User
4. Uses God to hide her true character
What I learned: Unfortunately, I live very far from these people now so cannot experiment with validating their traits today. Fortunately, I know each of them quite well and can validate each and every one of their traits. I created a character grid spreadsheet and am going to add trait fields. This is my epiphany moment about my screenwriting. My characters need more depth and interest.
-
Sandra Hildreth Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is, it’s not enough to just move a story along, or show a character’s growth, the writer must make sure there is a reason for everything that is written. Screenwriting should not be filled with fluff and space wasters, but elements that are important to the project.
The Scripts I chose are from the: “Rehoboth Beach” TV Series by Sandra Hildreth
Scene 1 Location: In an Emergency Exam Room
Logline: Following a fire at their shop, Lily explains why she was there so late at night alone.
Essence I’ve discovered: The scene is too drippy. It needs to have more substance. The logline doesn’t change, but the scene does.
New Logline: Following a fire at their shop, Lily explains why she was there so late at night alone.
Scene 2 Location: The Remodeled Boutique
Logline: The newly remodeled boutique reopens after the fire
Essence I’ve discovered: The remodel is successful and a glimpse of Diane’s beginning of dementia is revealed.
New Logline: The boutique’s remodel is successful but the happiness is foreshadowed by a glimpse into a looming problem.
Scene 3 Location: Inside Lily’s Home
Logline: Trouble looms with one of the couples.
Essence I’ve discovered: Too much fluff in the scene, when the focus is hinting about infidelity by one of the husbands
New Logline: A hint of possible infidelity is revealed.
Scene 4 Location: Iris’s Bedroom
Logline: Lily announces she has a blind date and Diane wanders out into the snow.
Essence I’ve discovered: More of the main characters’ persona is given and Diane become completely disoriented.
New Logline: Lily announces she has a blind date and Diane wanders out into the snow.
Scene 5 Location: Iris’s Home
Logline: Iris’s wife becomes completely disoriented.
Essence I’ve discovered: Even short scenes must have purpose
New Logline: Iris’s wife becomes completely disoriented.
-
Sandra Hildreth Finds the Essence
The script I chose: 1917 By Sam Mendes & Krysty Wilson-Cairns
What I learned is that, in addition to moving the story along and provide the entertainment value, each scene delivers information necessary to show one or more of the dynamics, motivation, characterization, and storyline, very often to the subconscious.
Scene 1
Location: An open Meadow where soldiers wait for their next orders
Logline: Two soldiers are chosen for a wartime mission
Essence: Primitive conditions English soldiers endure during the First World War are shown as the two main characters are introduced.
Scene 2
Location: Still in the Trenches
Logline: It’s war. Something’s happening.
Essence: It’s not just another in the trenches. Something big is on the horizon and the main character recognizes he and his buddy are going to play a part in it.
Scene 3
Location: At the Sergeant’s tent
Logline: The enormity of an upcoming mission is revealed.
Essence: The wartime theatre has been expecting to go home. Instead, it is revealed that the enemy may be planning something big and the two chosen soldiers have been chosen for something very important.
Scene 4
Location: Inside the General’s tent
Logline: Two Lance Corporals are given their supplies and their orders after being shown sensitive intelligence information.
Essence: The two main characters are given their supplies and details of their extremely important mission after being shown information generally shared only among those of the highest ranking leaders by the highest ranking soldier of all – the General.
Scene 5
Location: Leaving the base behind
Logline: Two soldiers leave on a vitally important mission
Essence: The differences in the two soldier’s attitude about the mission are shown. One is determined to complete the mission at all costs and the other tries his best to turn back.
-
Sandra Hildreth
I agree to the terms of this release form.
-
Sandra Hildreth
I have completed one historical drama script, one TV Pilot with three additional episodes, and am currently in the process of writing a thriller.
I hope to learn how to create the most professional, well-written script possible.
I have been writing for newspapers, magazines, and radio for years as well as the author of the “A to Z of Wall Street,” and “Cooking Ostrich with Confidence.” I am also 77 years of age.
-
This reply was modified 4 years ago by Sandra Hildreth.
-
This reply was modified 4 years ago by
-
This version is way better than the first. There is more characterization and the storyline is much more engaging with its twists, turns, reveals, and surprises.
Sandra