Carmen Radtke
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Carmen’s thriller map version 1 – looking to exchange feedback, @rebecca-sukle
INT. WYATT’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Desk analyst WYATT plays chess with CIA field agent NOAH. He’s surprised at how easily he wins and how fidgety Noah is. Troublesome assignment? Although he understands Noah can’t really talk about it. Noah fakes a laugh. Not really, except – he got this job and he can’t screw up again.
They set up the chess board again. Noah stops. Maybe Wyatt could help, just spitballing ideas.
Wyatt is surprised, but agrees. What does Noah need to do that he could help?
Noah opens the game. It was a stupid idea to ask Wyatt. He’ll come up with a way to magically unlock the safe room.
INT. Restaurant – DAY
Waitress LANEY stands ready to takes an order from a Barbie-esque wannabe actress and her entitled mother. In between ordering the daughter makes fun of everybody claiming they’re really an artist these days, as if there’s something wrong with being a waitress. It’s a dig at Laney who has to stand there smiling. The mother makes it worse, by telling her to bring Champagne, the real stuff, because her daughter just landed a role in a movie.
The daughter shrugs it off. There was no real competition. It’s another dig at a Laney who sweetly answers, copying both mother and daughter spot-on while staying clear of being insulting.
She moves on to Wyatt’s table, notices his grin. He compliments her and she tells him he ain’t seen nothing yet. She hands him a flyer for an improv night. The audience delivers cues, and she and her partner deliver the show.
He orders and asks her to save him a ticket. Sure – what name? A tiny pause as his gaze flits over the bottles at the bar and fixes on Jack Daniels and Jim Beam. He says, Jim Daniels.
EXT. STAGE EXIT – NIGHT
Laney and her artistic partner and BFF, ONE-TAKE JAKE, leave the theatre, discussing a scene. Wyatt aka Jim waits under a street lamp, applauds them.
Laney and One-Take are flattered.
He offers to buy them a drink. He might have a job for them …
Acting?
Sort of. He flashes a FAKE ID, it’s a test to check on security measures without risking the target being warned.
INT. MANSION – DAY
Laney and One-Take pose as Hollywood location scouts, with Laney schmoozing the star-struck lady of the house, and One-Take taking pictures and miming camera angles. It’s all perfect, perfect, perfect, except – could they have a sneak peek into the safe room? Jennifer hasn’t one hundred percent said yes yet, but … The woman flips a photo of herself and her husband and keys in the code on the keypad underneath, which Laney secretly films. They promise to be in touch, and the woman mentions that she’ll join her husband, but they’ll be back in a week.
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
The BOSS, HANDLEY, dictates a confidential memo to his SECRETARY, that the drive with the access codes to 50 million in bank accounts will be retrieved in two days. The door isn’t properly closed, and listening in an ante-room are THREE AGENTS, among them TURNER.
EXT./INT. MANSION – NIGHT
NOAH is prepared for a break-in. He hesitates, sends a quick message to HANDLEY. Change of plans, going in now.
Noah opens the safe room and searches for a hard drive with a unique symbol. Swaps it for an identical one.
INCITING INCIDENT
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Noah hands a padded envelope to a courier. He heads for his car. Shots ring out. He crumbles to the ground, dead.
Gloved hands search his pockets.
INT. WYATT’S APARTMENT – DAY
The courier hands a half-dressed Wyatt the envelope. He tears it open. Out slide the drive and a handwritten note. “If I don’t pick this up tonight, you’ll know what to do.”
Wyatt doesn’t really. He calls Noah. No answer. Then he looks through his contact list.
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
HANDLEY informs the three agents who listened in before about the murder of an agent, and the disappearance of a drive containing vital information for national security.
His secretary interrupts and calls him, You want to take this, sir.
INT. WYATT’S APARTMENT
Handley informs Wyatt of Noah’s death. He must under no circumstance come to the agency, because there is a traitor amongst them. Handley needs time to flush them out. Instead, Noah needs to go on the run. There will be fake IDs and credit cards waiting. Wyatt is only to talk to Handley or his secretary.
Panicking, Wyatt packs a bag.
Turning point 1
EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Wyatt stops Laney from entering, insists she needs to come with him. She declines, thinks he’s crazy. He tells her their lives are in danger. They need to get One-Take, now, before it’s too late. Please. She wavers. He pulls out money.
INT. THEATRE – DAY
The theatre is empty, except for Wyatt, Laney, and One-Take. They accuse him of lying to them and using them. He tells them he didn’t know, he only wanted to help a friend, who’s now dead after sending him a drive. Whoever the killer is, he is sure to come after everyone who might lead him to the drive – and he might discover the payment linking Laney and One-Take to the operation.
They still don’t trust him. He shows them an article about Noah’s murder. Shit.
INT. TRAIN STATION – DAY
Wyatt takes a small bag from a locker. It contains fake IDs and credit cards. They’re good to go. Laney and One-Take stop him. They have a better idea. They withdraw cash and put it on pre-paid cards. Now for the harder part. Where do they go?
Wyatt thinks, hard. Far away. He’ll have to figure it out. But first, they need to get rid of their phones. He’s bought burners for them.
Laney says no. Her phone is her life. What if her agent contacts her? Or One-Take’s agent? They’ve spent years trying to make it as actor and screenwriter. They’re not sacrificing that.
So, they’d rather die than miss out on an unlikely chance, because their phones can be traced? It’s a stand-off.
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
Handley updates the three agents who eavesdropped earlier on the search for Noah’s killer. He has reasons to believe that the drive ended in Wyatt’s hands. Considering he’s only a desk analyst with no field training, he shouldn’t be hard to track down.
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
Wyatt argues with Laney and One-Take about their next steps. He’s still shaken by the idea of a double-cross, while Laney and One-Take are blasé about it, because there’s always a double-cross among spies. Always. And they are better equipped at dealing with the situation. Their phones are shown wrapped in tin foil.
One-Take and Laney use library laptops to bring up travel research.
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
Turner, Handley and his Secretary watch a screen where one message pops up. A flight’s been booked using one of the credit cards, and a fake ID which shows up with Wyatt’s photo.
Turner smirks. They’ve got him.
Then another flight booking pops up. And another. And a Greyhound ticket. All with different starting points and destinations.
INT. CAR/RESTROOM – DAY
Laney and One-Take are cleverly disguised. Wyatt – not so much, but he’s under orders not to show his face at all.
They stop at a restroom.
Wyatt and One-Take head for the facilities.
Laney takes out her cell phone, unwraps it and quickly checks messages. She has one from her agent about a second audition in Chicago. She types a reply, confirming she’ll be in Chicago in two days. She wraps the phone again.
Wyatt uses his burner to contact the office. Any news? Can he send the drive to a safe address?
He scribbles an address in Seattle on a piece of paper and repeats instructions. He needs to get the drive there, because there’s only one man who can decrypt the drive – the man who created the encryption. Wyatt is unsure but agrees, if that’s what it takes to keep them all safe.
INT. AIRPORTS/BUS STATIONS – NIGHT
AGENTS sweep departure and arrival halls, searching for Wyatt. Nothing.
INT. CIA OFFICE – NIGHT
The Secretary asks Handley if he really wants to leak intel about Wyatt’s destination – it could get him killed. After all, they already lost Noah. Handley says they have no better alternative and it wouldn’t have happened if Noah had stuck to his instructions.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Laney’s phone rings. She grabs it, only to have One-Take take it from her. The tin foil opens and reveals the messages. Is Laney out of her mind? Risking being traced for one lousy role that’s going to be another two line part that ends up on the cutting floor? After everything they’ve done to cover their tracks?
Oh yeah? Then why are they sitting in Laney’s car? And if One-Take had a taker for a script, she’d be there like a shot too.
EXT. CITY CENTRE – DAY
Laney parks her car in a garage. They all carry small bags as they make their way to a shopping mall. It’s crowded.
Laney and One-Take bicker. Then Wyatt is alarmed. He’s spotted one of the agents seen at the CIA. The agent has a gun! On a cue from One-Take, Laney creates a scene, causing people to back away. They block Wyatt from view long enough for him to double back to the garage.
INT. CAR PARK – DAY
Wyatt opens the car door when a syringe is plunged into his neck. Turner drags him to a limo with tinted windows while A HENCHMAN stands guard.
He doesn’t see Laney and One-Take who watch, horrified, as Wyatt is bundled into the boot.
EXT. STREET – DAY
The limo drives away, strictly keeping to the limits. The driving henchman keeps an eye on the cars behind him. But on the sidewalk, two women on e-scooters whiz along – Laney and One-Take.
EXT. MOTEL – NIGHT
The limo pulls up outside a roadside motel. The car park is almost empty.
Another car rolls to a stop as Turner gets out and enters the reception.
Laney, in yet another disguise, distracts the limo driver, while One-Take picks the boot lock. Inside is Wyatt, by now conscious but bound and gagged.
Laney gets the limo driver to leave the car and help.
One-Take sneaks into the driver’s seat and careens out of the car park.
The henchman is dumbstruck but recovers fast enough to shoot at the limo.
Turner comes running and stops the shooting. They don’t want cops.
Meanwhile, Laney has disappeared.
EXT. CORN FIELD – NIGHT
Laney picks up One-Take and Wyatt. Wyatt doesn’t understand how she found them until she takes an air tag from his pocket.
They leave the stolen limo hidden in the corner field.
INT. SMALL TOWN HOTEL – DAY
They’re done running. It’s no use using Wyatt’s playbook against people who know every move better than he does. Instead, they’ll use One-Take’s and Laney’s skills. But first, they need to figure out what the hell is going on, because nothing makes sense.
Wyatt has to admit it, and he remembers Noah’s unease about his mission. Come to think of it, Noah had never screwed up anything, so why ask Wyatt for help?
Why not just send agents while the home owners were away, to break into the safe room?
Wyatt can answer that, because the safe room had a mechanism that would trigger an electrical current if breached.
Laney and One-Take laugh. That’s the most ridiculous scenario they’ve heard. It would make the safe room almost useless. They demand Wyatt walk them through everything …
INT. SMALL TOWN HOTEL – NIGHT
Wyatt, Laney and One-Take are busy with a borrowed hotel laptop. They’re researching the couple who owns the mansion. The blood drains from Wyatt’s face as they see a photo from a charity gala, with the owner and Handley seemingly best buddies.
What is really going on?
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
Handley is furious that they and Turner both seem to have lost Wyatt. He should have been in touch by now, or arrived in Portland.
The Secretary comes with a message. Wyatt’s burner phone (known to Handley because Wyatt used it to communicate with him) just pinged off an airport cell tower. Now they can read the messages as well.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Turner has the same information on his phone. He uses his earpiece to send his henchmen to the airport, just in case, as he reads again message from Wyatt send to another burner phone – about instructions Noah gave him about irrefutable proof of wrongdoing. But first, he’ll deliver the drive.
EXT. REMOTE FARMHOUSE – PORTLAND – NIGHT
Woods surround the farmhouse. Moonlight glints off a gun barrel as a person looking like Wyatt approaches. The barrel is aimed at him, only to be jerked back and fall to the ground – next to Turner’s dead body. Close by are the dead bodies of the henchmen.
The man who looks like Wyatt has disappeared.
INT. REMOTE FARMHOUSE – NIGHT
A MILD-MANNERED MAN in his sixties, DUARTE, hears a morse signal on his door bell and shuffles to let in Wyatt and a dolled-up Laney, wearing a blingy necklace.
Duarte makes sure they’re alone and ushers them in.
Wyatt acts nervy, can’t wait to hand over the drive. Only it isn’t the one Noah sent him – there’s a small difference. Duarte doesn’t notice! He’s never seen the drive before…
Wyatt takes his phone to call Handley.
A gun is pressed against his head – Handley.They shouldn’t do that, they can never be sure who listens.
Laney shrieks. Wyatt begs Handley to let her go.
Handley says he can’t. He’s sorry.
She cries. It’s been him all along, hasn’t it? Why? Did he use everyone to create a rogue agent scenario, so whatever was on the drive could be stolen and taken to Duarte without anyone making the connection?
For a moment, Handley is silent, before he admires her cleverness. He’ll actually be sad about the waste of her talents when he has to kill her.
He’s barely finished when his words are repeated – on Wyatt’s and Handley’s phones.
INT. VAN – SAME TIME
One-Take sits in the van, surrounded by laptops. She edits the action in the farmhouse as she streams it from Laney’s necklace camera.
She zooms in on Handley’s furious face as Laney shows him the footage on her phone and warns him that it’ll go out stat to a dozen reporters and broadcasters if anything happens to them.
Then she stomps on the drive before Handley can see it’s the wrong one.
INT. HOTEL – DAY
Wyatt, Laney, and One-Take linger over breakfast as the local newspaper arrives. A tragic accident takes up half the front – two men died of carbon dioxide poisoning in a farmhouse – Handley and Duarte.
There’s no mention of the bodies of Turner and henchmen.
Laney and One-Take take it better than Wyatt. He just needs to make sure that his report goes to several people, and they’ll be safe.
Wyatt apologises for dragging them into this mess, and for making Laney miss her audition. She shrugs it off. It would have only been two lines anyway, that were destined to end on the cutting room floor. She’s decided it’s the lead for her or nothing, written by One-Take.
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Laney hands menus to TWO CLASSY GUYS. Only this time she wears her necklace with the hidden camera, and an earpiece where she listens to One-Take’s voice. In a corner sits Wyatt.
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Carmen’s thriller map version 1
What I’ve learned is how much suspense is needed and how tight the plot has to be. I’ve also learned just how much I love the genre, even if I need a lot more practice.
INT. WYATT’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
WYATT plays chess with his friend NOAH. He’s surprised at how easily he wins and how fidgety Noah is. Troublesome assignment? Although he understands Noah can’t really talk about it. Noah fakes a laugh. Not really, except – he got this job and he can’t afford to screw up again.
They set up the chess board again. Noah stops. Maybe Wyatt could help after all, just spitballing ideas.
Wyatt is surprised, but agrees. What does Noah need to do that a desk analyst like him could help?
Noah opens the game. It was a stupid idea to ask Wyatt. He’ll come up with a way to magically unlock the safe room.
INT. Restaurant – DAY
Waitress LANEY stands ready to takes an order from a Barbie-esque wannabe actress and her entitled mother. In between ordering the daughter makes fun of everybody claiming they’re really an artist these days, as if there’s something wrong with being a waitress. It’s a dig at Laney who has to stand there smiling. The mother makes it worse, by telling her to bring Champagne, the real stuff, because her daughter just landed a role in a movie.
The daughter shrugs it off. There was no real competition. It’s another dig at a Laney who’s had enough and sweetly answers, copying both mother and daughter spot-on while staying clear of being insulting.
She moves on to Wyatt’s table, notices his grin. He compliments her and she tells him he ain’t seen nothing yet. She hands him a flyer for an improv night. The audience delivers cues, and she and her partner deliver the show.
He orders and asks her to save him a ticket. Sure – what name? A tiny pause as his gaze flits over the bottles at the bar and fixes on Jack Daniels and Jim Beam. He says, Jim Daniels.
EXT. STAGE EXIT – NIGHT
Laney and her artistic partner and BFF, ONE-TAKE JAKE, leave the theatre, discussing a scene. Wyatt aka Jim waits under a street lamp, applauds them.
Laney and One-Take are flattered.
He offers to buy them a drink. He might have a job for them …
Acting?
Sort of. He flashes a FAKE ID, it’s a test to check on security measures without risking the target being warned.
INT. MANSION – DAY
Laney and One-Take pose as Hollywood location scouts, with Laney schmoozing the star-struck lady of the house, and One-Take taking pictures and miming camera angles. It’s all perfect, perfect, perfect, except – could they have a sneak peek into the safe room? Jennifer hasn’t one hundred percent said yes yet, but … The woman flips a photo of herself and her husband and keys in the code on the keypad underneath, which Laney secretly films. They promise to be in touch, and the woman mentions that she’ll join her husband in Dubai, but they’ll be back in a week.
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
The BOSS, HANDLEY, dictates a confidential memo to his SECRETARY, that the drive with the access codes to 50 million in bank accounts will be retrieved in two days. The door isn’t properly closed, and listening in an ante-room are THREE AGENTS, among them TURNER.
EXT./INT. MANSION – NIGHT
NOAH is prepared for a break-in. He hesitates, sends a quick message to HANDLEY. Change of plans, going in now.
Noah opens the safe room and searches for a hard drive with a unique symbol. Swaps it for an identical one.
INCITING INCIDENT
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Noah hands a padded envelope to a courier. He heads for his car. Shots ring out. He crumbles to the ground, dead.
Gloved hands search his pockets.
INT. WYATT’S APARTMENT – DAY
The courier hands a half-dressed Wyatt the envelope. He tears it open. Out slide the drive and a handwritten note. “If I don’t pick this up tonight, you’ll know what to do.”
Wyatt doesn’t really. He calls Noah. No answer. Then he looks through his contact list.
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
HANDLEY informs the three agents who listened in before about the murder of an agent, and the disappearance of a drive containing vital information for national security.
His secretary interrupts and calls him, You want to take this, sir.
INT. WYATT’S APARTMENT
Handley informs Wyatt of Noah’s death. He must under no circumstance come to the agency, because there is a traitor amongst them. Handley needs time to flush them out. Instead, Noah needs to go on the run. There will be fake IDs and credit cards waiting. Wyatt is only to talk to Handley or his secretary.
Panicking, Wyatt packs a bag.
Turning point 1
EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Wyatt stops Laney from entering, insists she needs to come with him. She declines, thinks he’s crazy. He tells her their lives are in danger. They need to get One-Take, now, before it’s too late. Please. She wavers. He pulls out money.
INT. THEATRE – DAY
The theatre is empty, except for Wyatt, Laney, and One-Take. They accuse him of lying to them and using them. He tells them he didn’t know, he only wanted to help a friend, who’s now dead after sending him a drive. Whoever the killer is, he is sure to come after everyone who might lead him to the drive – and he might discover the payment linking Laney and One-Take to the operation.
They still don’t trust him. He shows them an article about Noah’s murder. Shit.
INT. TRAIN STATION – DAY
Wyatt takes a small bag from a locker. It contains fake IDs and credit cards. They’re good to go. Laney and One-Take stop him. They have a better idea. They withdraw cash and put it on pre-paid cards. Now for the harder part. Where do they go?
Wyatt thinks, hard. Far away. He’ll have to figure it out. But first, they need to get rid of their phones. He’s bought burners for them.
Laney says no. Her phone is her life. What if her agent contacts her? Or One-Take’s agent? They’ve spent years trying to make it as actor and screenwriter. They’re not sacrificing that.
So, they’d rather die than miss out on an unlikely chance, because their phones can be traced? It’s a stand-off.
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
Handley updates the three agents who eavesdropped earlier on the search for Noah’s killer. He has reasons to believe that the drive ended in Wyatt’s hands. Considering he’s only a desk analyst with no field training, he shouldn’t be hard to track down.
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
Wyatt argues with Laney and One-Take about their next steps. He’s still shaken by the idea of a double-cross, while Laney and One-Take are blasé about it, because there’s always a double-cross among spies. Always. And they are better equipped at dealing with the situation. Their phones are shown wrapped in tin foil.
One-Take and Laney use library laptops to bring up travel research.
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
Turner, Handley and his Secretary watch a screen where one message pops up. A flight’s been booked using one of the credit cards, and a fake ID which shows up with Wyatt’s photo.
Turner smirks. They’ve got him.
Then another flight booking pops up. And another. And a Greyhound ticket. All with different starting points and destinations.
INT. CAR/RESTROOM – DAY
Laney and One-Take are cleverly disguised. Wyatt – not so much, but he’s under orders not to show his face at all.
They stop at a restroom.
Wyatt and One-Take head for the facilities.
Laney takes out her cell phone, unwraps it and quickly checks messages. She has one from her agent about a second audition in Chicago. She types a reply, confirming she’ll be in Chicago in two days. She wraps the phone again.
Wyatt uses his burner to contact the office. Any news? Can he send the drive to a safe address?
He scribbles an address in Seattle on a piece of paper and repeats instructions. He needs to get the drive there, because there’s only one man who can decrypt the drive – the man who created the encryption. Wyatt is unsure but agrees, if that’s what it takes to keep them all safe.
INT. AIRPORTS/BUS STATIONS – NIGHT
AGENTS sweep departure and arrival halls, searching for Wyatt. Nothing.
INT. CIA OFFICE – NIGHT
The Secretary asks Handley if he really wants to leak intel about Wyatt’s destination – it could get him killed. After all, they already lost Noah. Handley says they have no better alternative and it wouldn’t have happened if Noah had stuck to his instructions.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Laney’s phone rings. She grabs it, only to have One-Take take it from her. The tin foil opens and reveals the messages. Is Laney out of her mind? Risking being traced for one lousy role that’s going to be another two line part that ends up on the cutting floor? After everything they’ve done to cover their tracks?
Oh yeah? Then why are they sitting in Laney’s car? And if One-Take had a taker for a script, she’d be there like a shot too.
EXT. CITY CENTRE – DAY
Laney parks her car in a garage. They all carry small bags as they make their way to a shopping mall. It’s crowded.
Laney and One-Take bicker. Then Wyatt is alarmed. He’s spotted one of the agents seen at the CIA. The agent has a gun! On a cue from One-Take, Laney creates a scene, causing people to back away. They block Wyatt from view long enough for him to double back to the garage.
INT. CAR PARK – DAY
Wyatt opens the car door when a syringe is plunged into his neck. Turner drags him to a limo with tinted windows while A HENCHMAN stands guard.
He doesn’t see Laney and One-Take who watch, horrified, as Wyatt is bundled into the boot.
EXT. STREET – DAY
The limo drives away, strictly keeping to the limits. The driving henchman keeps an eye on the cars behind him. But on the sidewalk, two women on e-scooters give chase – Laney and One-Take.
EXT. MOTEL – NIGHT
The limo pulls up outside a roadside motel. The car park is almost empty.
Another car rolls to a stop as Turner gets out and enters the reception.
Laney, in yet another disguise, distracts the limo driver, while One-Take picks the boot lock. Inside is Wyatt, by now conscious but bound and gagged.
Laney gets the limo driver to leave the car and help.
One-Take sneaks into the driver’s seat and careens out of the car park.
The henchman is dumbstruck but recovers fast enough to shoot at the limo.
Turner comes running and stops the shooting. They don’t want cops.
Meanwhile, Laney has disappeared.
EXT. CORN FIELD – NIGHT
Laney picks up One-Take and Wyatt. Wyatt doesn’t understand how she found them until she takes an air tag from his pocket.
They leave the stolen limo hidden in the corner field.
INT. SMALL TOWN HOTEL – DAY
They’re done running. It’s no use using Wyatt’s playbook against people who know every move better than he does. Instead, they’ll use One-Take’s and Laney’s skills. But first, they need to figure out what the hell is going on, because nothing makes sense.
Wyatt has to admit it, and he remembers Noah’s unease about his mission. Come to think of it, Noah had never screwed up anything, so why ask Wyatt for help?
Why not just send agents while the home owners were away, to break into the safe room?
Wyatt can answer that, because the safe room had a mechanism that would trigger an electrical current if breached.
Laney and One-Take laugh. That’s the most ridiculous scenario they’ve heard. It would make the safe room almost useless. They demand Wyatt walk them through everything …
INT. SMALL TOWN HOTEL – NIGHT
Wyatt, Laney and One-Take are busy with a borrowed hotel laptop. They’re researching the couple who owns the mansion. The blood drains from Wyatt’s face as they see a photo from a charity gala, with the owner and Handley seemingly best buddies.
What is really going on?
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
Handley is furious that they and Turner both seem to have lost Wyatt. He should have been in touch by now, or arrived in Portland.
The Secretary comes with a message. Wyatt’s burner phone (known to Handley because Wyatt used it to communicate with him) just pinged off an airport cell tower. Now they can read the messages as well.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Turner has the same information on his phone. He uses his earpiece to send his henchmen to the airport, just in case, as he reads again message from Wyatt send to another burner phone – about instructions Noah gave him about irrefutable proof of wrongdoing. But first, he’ll deliver the drive.
EXT. REMOTE FARMHOUSE – PORTLAND – NIGHT
Woods surround the farmhouse. Moonlight glints off a gun barrel as a person looking like Wyatt approaches. The barrel is aimed at him, only to be jerked back and fall to the ground – next to Turner’s dead body. Close by are the dead bodies of the henchmen.
The man who looks like Wyatt has disappeared.
INT. REMOTE FARMHOUSE – NIGHT
A MILD-MANNERED MAN in his sixties, DUARTE, hears a morse signal on his door bell and shuffles to let in Wyatt and a dolled-up Laney, wearing a blingy necklace.
Duarte makes sure they’re alone and ushers them in.
Wyatt acts nervy, can’t wait to hand over the drive. Only it isn’t the one Noah sent him – there’s a small difference. Duarte doesn’t notice! He’s never seen the drive before…
Wyatt takes his phone to call Handley.
A gun is pressed against his head – Handley.They shouldn’t do that, they can never be sure who listens.
Laney shrieks. Wyatt begs Handley to let her go.
Handley says he can’t. He’s sorry.
She cries. It’s been him all along, hasn’t it? Why? Did he use everyone to create a rogue agent scenario, so whatever was on the drive could be stolen and taken to Duarte without anyone making the connection?
For a moment, Handley is silent, before he admires her cleverness. He’ll actually be sad about the waste of her talents when he has to kill her.
He’s barely finished when his words are repeated – on Wyatt’s and Handley’s phones.
INT. VAN – SAME TIME
One-Take sits in the van, surrounded by laptops. She edits the action in the farmhouse as she streams it from Laney’s necklace camera.
She zooms in on Handley’s furious face as Laney shows him the footage on her phone and warns him that it’ll go out stat to a dozen reporters and broadcasters if anything happens to them.
Then she stomps on the drive before Handley can see it’s the wrong one.
INT. HOTEL – DAY
Wyatt, Laney, and One-Take linger over breakfast as the local newspaper arrives. A tragic accident takes up half the front – two men died of carbon dioxide poisoning in a farmhouse – Handley and Duarte.
There’s no mention of the bodies of Turner and henchmen.
Laney and One-Take take it better than Wyatt. He just needs to make sure that his report goes to several people, and they’ll be safe.
Wyatt apologises for dragging them into this mess, and for making Laney miss her audition. She shrugs it off. It would have only been two lines anyway, that were destined to end on the cutting room floor. She’s decided it’s the lead for her or nothing, written by One-Take.
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Laney hands menus to TWO CLASSY GUYS. Only this time she wears her necklace with the hidden camera, and an earpiece where she listens to One-Take’s voice. In a corner sits Wyatt.
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Carmen’s misdirects – when appropriate
What I learned from this assignment:
Misdirects are best used sparingly, or it’s easy to lose track (and plausibility) but used well, they create an incredible amount of tension and suspense.
I’m still working my way through my plot and this is so much fun to see what would work and what wouldn’t.
Wyatt lies to Laney about everything in the beginning and drags her into a dangerous game – later he turns out to be trustworthy
The cryptic messages about the man who can decode the drive
Laney says she’s an operative and Wyatt is just a bumbling underling (not true, but effective)
Wyatt’s communications with his shady boss go via an unassuming assistant – the boss looks guilty but is another red herring
The drive – conflicting versions on what’s on it and why it’s so important to get it to the man
The unassuming assistant shows concern about Wyatt’s survival chances but it turns out he does it to keep the boss and everyone on track with the pursuit
The boss tells Wyatt he doesn’t know who they can trust – more to make him look suspicious, but it’s true (although he happily sacrificed Wyatt’s friend)
The safe room supposedly couldn’t be broken into because of self-destruct mechanisms – that would defeat the purpose of a safe room
Physical clues/misdirections: The man didn’t recognise the drive, although he supposedly prepared the original decryption on the drive itself
The photo of boss and safe room owner
Use of public libraries and computers
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Carmen gives great clues
What I’ve learned: Everytime I think something will be easy, it isn’t. I still need to tidy up my thriller map and put it into a clear, simple structure and get rid of repetition, but it’s also fun, and thrilling to see an idea evolve.
Opening
In her waitress job, Laney demonstrates her impressive acting and improv skills, in front of Wyatt. He hires her to do a job for the government.
Mystery: why does Wyatt need an actor?
He has promised and agent and close friend to come up with a way to gain access to a private safe room without using anyone in the CIA.
Life-threatening: Laney doesn’t really know what she’s hired for.
Trust: Laney believes Wyatt’s made-up cover story
Distrust: Laney finds out Wyatt lied to her and put her in danger
Mystery: Who wants the drive?
Clue trail
Several people, Turner about them, know it’s being retrieved.
Wyatt’s friend, the agent who is sent to steal it, asks Wyatt for help. Why?
He lies to him about the reason he needs help. Why?
Wyatt hires Laney under a pretence.
Laney and her sidekicks are masters at disguise and making up credible stories.
Turner murders the agent but doesn’t find the drive on the body.
Mystery 2: Why doesn’t the agent trust anyone but Wyatt?
Villain’s plan: Have an agent steal the drive
Twist: The inclusion of Wyatt, Laney and her sidekick was not foreseen
Inciting incident:
Using intel gained by Laney, Wyatt’s agent friend steals an encrypted drive
Twist: it’s 24 hours earlier than planned. He mails the drive to Wyatt (another deviation) just before he is murdered by Turner.
Mystery: why does he change the schedule?
Mystery: how does Turner know about the change?
Villain’s plan: Use the drive to see who all comes after it
Trust: Wyatt informs the boss he’s got the drive and is warned against coming in, or trusting anyone
Twist: the change in the schedule causes the boss and Turner to scramble
Turning point 1:
In fear for his life, Wyatt goes on the run with Laney and her sidekick.
Trust: Wyatt feels responsible for Laney and her sidekick’s safety, so tells them what they need to know
Distrust: He’s holding back information and keeps on lying about other things
Mystery 3:
Why does he need to go on the run with Laney and One-Take Jake?
Clue trail
Wyatt receives the drive and a warning message about colleagues from his friend.
Wyatt tells the boss and is told about the murder – and warned to hide until the boss has cleared up who’s behind this.
The payment links Laney to the theft. She’s in danger,
Mystery:
How can Turner track them down?
Clue trail
Turner catches up with Wyatt and Laney, despite originally falling for their false trails.
Laney and her sidekick always expect a double-cross.
Wyatt has cryptic messages from his murdered friend, and a few info crumbs from his boss.
Everyone underestimates Laney and her screenwriter sidekick.
Conflicting information about what’s on the encrypted drive.
Mystery: How can they stay alive?
The boss directs Wyatt towards the one man who can decrypt the drive, thus knowing where Wyatt will go. He allows Turner access to this information. Turner then uses his own network.
Why doesn’t he go to his boss?
Why do Laney and sidekick need to go with him?
How can they cover their tracks?
Where can they run to?
Life-threatening sequence: A killer is after them, and he knows who they are
Twist: the boss allowed Turner to find out about them
Trust: Wyatt believes that Laney and her sidekick understand the danger and will follow his instructions to not interact with anyone
Twist/Distrust: Laney secretly contacts her agent, and gives away her location
Villain’s plan:
Use Laney’s message to stealthily guide both Wyatt and Turner’s steps
Trust: Wyatt gets in touch with the boss, using a burner phone. Receives instructions where to go.
Distrust: The Boss enables Turner to intercept the message
Midpoint: Turner catches up with them and kidnaps Wyatt
Mystery: why doesn’t he kill Wyatt?
Will he find Laney and sidekick?
Life-threatening sequence: Turner and helpers have tracked down Wyatt, Laney, and sidekick
Twist: Laney and sidekick create a diversion and disappear into a crowd
Trust: Wyatt helps them escape
Wyatt almost gets away, but is taken and put in a car boot
Laney and sidekick chase the car on e-scooters
Villain’s plan: Making sure he will be able to secure the drive and to get rid of Wyatt if he knows too much.
Turning point 2:
Laney and her sidekick free Wyatt and decide to turn the tables.
Mystery: How could Turner could always catch up with them?
Mystery: How can they go on the attack?
Trust: Wyatt promises them no more lies
Twist: They use a library computer to google the owner of the safe room house and find a picture of him and Wyatt’s boss
Distrust: Wyatt is sure the boss is a traitor. But there’s also the problem of Turner …
Laney and sidekick use their own knowledge to create their own misinformation campaign designed to flush out whoever set them all up
Life-threatening situation: Sidekick picks the boot lock. Laney distracts the two helpers, and she and her sidekick take them down, using stage fight skills
Villain’s plan
Boss used surveillance devices and enabled Turner to hack into information network
Twist: Wyatt informs boss of his planned visit to the decryption guy
Distrust: It’s a set-up, and also intended to keep them safe from Turner
Climax:
Wyatt and Laney walk into a trap.
Life-threatening: They are held at gunpoint. They’re going to die.
Mystery: How can they survive?
Clue trail:
Photo of boss and the man the drive was stolen from
Laney has a new necklace
Her sidekick has stayed in a secure place, with a laptop.
Only the boss has the means to manipulate all his underlings.
Twist: They use this moment to get incriminating evidence from the mastermind, Wyatt’s own boss, streaming it live to Laney’s sidekick. The camera is in the necklace.
The villain has no choice but to let them go.
Resolution:
Mystery: what will the villain do?
He dies in an “accident”.
Twist: Wyatt sends all the information to half a dozen people, and lets them know that the media will receive a copy if anything happens to him or Laney and sidekick
Distrust: Because Wyatt no longer can be sure who to trust, he decides to treat everyone with suspicion
Mystery: what comes next for Laney and her sidekick?
They can go back to struggling in the world of showbusiness or keep on using their skills for clandestine operations.
The twists and turns
Direction: Agent is tasked with stealing an encrypted drive Twist: Because he is uneasy, he asks his analyst friend Wyatt for help
Direction: Wyatt promises to come up with ideas
Twist: He hires actor Laney and her screenwriting sidekick
Direction: Laney and sidekick “infiltrate” the house a promised and deliver info to Wyatt
Twist: Although nobody else should know about them, there’s now a payment linking them to the case
Direction: agent dutifully acts on the intel and steals the drive
Twist: He moves the schedule forward
Direction: Turner gets wind of the theft and kills the agent to get hold of the drive
Twist: The agent already sent the drive to Wyatt, together with carefully coded messages
Direction: Wyatt can’t reach the agent and instead contacts his boss
Twist: the boss tells him not to come in – it’s too dangerous. Plants the idea of going on the run
Direction: Wyatt prepares to leave
Twist: He’s afraid for Laney and her sidekick and needs to convince them to join him
Direction: He is going to do this by the book and expects them to ditch their phones
Twist: Laney and her sidekick need their phones, so they use the tinfoil trick
Direction: the boss tries to track Wyatt
Twist: He needs to find them to keep Turner on their tail
Direction: Wyatt remembers what his dead friend told him about the man who created the encryption, halfway across the country
Twist: Laney secretly uses her phone to send a message to her agent – now the boss now where they’re heading
Direction: Halfway through, Turner and two henchmen catch up with them in a city and pull their guns
Twist: Laney and sidekick create a diversion that sends a crowd between them and the bad guys
Direction: Wyatt is kidnapped and stowed away in a boot
Twist: Laney and sidekick chase the car unnoticed on e-scooters – nobody pays attention to them
Direction: Turner parks the car outside a motel and enters
Twist: Laney and sidekick free Wyatt
Direction: They need help. Wyatt is going to contact the boss
Twist: Laney stops him. They need to figure out what’s going on. When they google the owner of the house where it all began, they find a picture of him and the boss
Direction: Wyatt lets boss know where he’s headed
Twist: the boss allows Turner to intercept the message
Direction: Turner and his henchmen are already waiting when Wyatt appears
Twist: So is the boss who kills them
Direction: Wyatt meets the man he’s supposed to give the drive to
Twist: Wyatt, Laney and sidekick have finally deciphered cage dead agent’s messages and have been warned not to trust the man
Direction: Wyatt hands over the drive
Twist: it’s the wrong one – and the man doesn’t know
Direction: the boss enters the scene, with Laney as hostage, and demands the real drive
Twist: she’s rigged up with a spy camera Direction: If Wyatt doesn’t produce the real drive, the boss will shoot Laney
Twist: the camera transmits everything to her sidekick (one of their old script scenarios)
Direction: Wyatt tells the boss he knows they’ve all been set up and gives him a good guess of the reasons
Twist: the boss is flattered – he needed a way to get the information on the drive to the man, without anything connecting him to the drive. That’s why he set up a rogue agent scenario
Direction: Laney hands over the drive. They’re about to die
Twist: Her phone comes alive, and to hear is the boss’s confession. If he doesn’t let them go, it’ll be broadcast everywhere online. Wyatt destroys the drive
Direction: Wyatt doesn’t know who to trust anymore, so he sends a report to half a dozen people and let’s them know that there is a copy the media will be able to access if anything happens to him
Twist: The boss and the man are killed by their shady overlords , so there are no lose ends
Direction: in a scene resembling the opening, Laney is back waiting tables
Twist: she’s doing this following her sidekick’s script, on another job for Wyatt
Reveals:
Wyatt is a CIA desk-analyst, hiring Laney under false pretences for an illegal job.
Suspense: He lied about his name and job. Laney thinks he’s trying to uncover security leaks Reveal:
His soon to be murdered friend calls him by his real name, and we see where he works
Reveal: Laney and her sidekick are great at stagecraft
Mystery: They pretend to be location scouts and trick a woman
Suspense: They secretly film the key code to a safe room in the woman’s mansion
Reveal: they hand over the tape to Wyatt and tell him where to send the money
Reveal:
Something’s wrong at the CIA
Mystery: why would an agent need help from an analyst friend?
Cover up: The agent has botched up a mission before, and tells his friend he can’t have anything go wrong
Reveal:
It’s all about the drive he’s stealing
Mystery: why does he change the schedule?
Reveal: Turner kills the agent
Wyatt receives mail, with the drive, a warning note and coded messages
Reveal:
Laney and her sidekick are in danger
Suspense: How can they trust Wyatt after his lies and betrayal?
Will they stick around?
Answer: They get in car with him
Reveal:
Killer Turner has access to the information the boss gives Wyatt
Suspense: Is anyone on their trail?
Answer: A dozen red flags go up when there’s cash withdrawals using all the cards the boss has made available to Wyatt, and Turner calls on his henchmen
Reveal: Laney and her sidekick are great at spycraft
Mystery: What can an actor and a writer do?
Reveal: They buy plane and train tickets for different destinations, using Wyatt’s alias
And they use tinfoil to cloak their phones
Reveal: The boss is trying to find out who he can trust
Suspense: Does he know about Turner?
Reveal: He has a surveillance tag on him
Reveal: Laney can’t be trusted
Mystery: Why would she use her phone when she knows it can be traced?
Reveal: she messages her agent, confirming a second audition
Reveal: Turner is catching up
Mystery: How can they escape?
Reveal: Laney and her sidekick pretend they’ve spotted a superstar, and a bunch of people rushes to see him
Reveal:
Laney and her sidekick can outsmart the professionals
Mystery: How can they keep up on e-scooters with a car, when Wyatt is caught?
Reveal: Laney slipped him an air tag she’d confiscated from a stalking ex
They can pick locks
Reveal: there’s one man who can save them
Mystery: Who is the man Wyatt’s friend mentioned, and who the boss sends him to?
Suspense: can he be trusted?
Reveal: the boss allows Turner to know about the man and his address
Reveal:
the boss knows a lot more than he lets on
Mystery: Why doesn’t he help Wyatt?
Suspense: There must be someone he can trust – or not?
Reveal: Laney finds a cozy picture of the boss and the man whose safe room they infiltrated
Reveal: it’s all a trap, but for whom?
Suspense: can Wyatt, Laney and sidekick survive?
Reveal: Turner and his henchmen are shot as they lay in wait
Reveal: Laney and Wyatt have the upper hand
Mystery: why doesn’t the man who supposedly encrypted the drive recognise it’s not the real one?
Suspense: the boss enters
Reveal: He holds them at gunpoint, demanding the real drive
Reveal: a trap for the boss
Suspense: where is the drive? Will they give it up?
Reveal: Laney has a tiny camera that transmits everything to her sidekick, and they know how to share videos instantly
Reveal:
The bad guys have lost
Mystery: why all this elaborate cat and mouse game?
Suspense: Does Laney’s blackmail work?
Reveal: She and Wyatt walk away
Reveal: Game over
Mystery: Are they safe?
Reveal: The Boss is found dead in an accident, and half a dozen people in the upper echelons receive Wyatt’s report including the message that the video and the report will be accessible to the media if anything happens to him, or Laney, or her sidekick
Reveal:
New beginning
Mystery: What comes next for Laney?
Suspense: she’s waiting tables again
Reveal: she wears an earbud and uses a script from her sidekick, under Wyatt’s supervision
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Carmen’s dramatic reveals
What learned in this assignment
Small reveals can have a huge impact
Set-up and pay-offs and how to let viewers connect the dots
Reveal:
Wyatt is a CIA guy, hiring Laney for an illegal job
Suspense: He lied about his name and job. Laney thinks he’s trying to uncover security leaks
Reveal:
His soon to be murdered friend calls him by his real name, and we see where he worksReveal: Laney and her sidekick are great at stagecraft
Mystery: They pretend to be location scouts and trick a woman
Suspense: They secretly film the key code to a safe room in the woman’s mansion
Reveal: they hand over the tape to Wyatt and tell him where to send the money
Reveal:
Something’s wrong at the CIA
Mystery: why would an agent need help from an analyst friend?
Cover up: The agent has botched up a mission before, and tells his friend he can’t have anything go wrong
Reveal:
It’s all about the drive he’s stealing
Mystery: why does he change the schedule?
Reveal: Turner kills the agent
Wyatt receives mail, with the drive, a warning note and coded messages
Reveal:
Laney and her sidekick are in danger
Suspense: How can they trust Wyatt after his lies and betrayal?
Will they stick around?
Answer: They get in car with him
Reveal:
Killer Turner has access to the information the boss gives Wyatt
Suspense: Is anyone on their trail?
Answer: A dozen red flags go up when there’s cash withdrawals using all the cards the boss has made available to Wyatt, and Turner calls on his henchmen
Reveal: Laney and her sidekick are great at spycraft
Mystery: What can an actor and a writer do?
Reveal: They buy plane and train tickets for different destinations, using Wyatt’s alias
And they use tinfoil to cloak their phones
Reveal: The boss is trying to find out who he can trust
Suspense: Does he know about Turner?
Reveal: He has a surveillance tag on him
Reveal: Laney can’t be trusted
Mystery: Why would she use her phone when she knows it can be traced?
Reveal: she messages her agent, confirming a second audition
Reveal: Turner is catching up
Mystery: How can they escape?
Reveal: Laney and her sidekick pretend they’ve spotted a superstar, and a bunch of people rushes to see him
Reveal:
Laney and her sidekick can outsmart the professionals
Mystery: How can they keep up on e-scooters with a car, when Wyatt is caught?
Reveal: Laney slipped him an air tag she’d confiscated from a stalking ex
They can pick locks
Reveal: there’s one man who can save them
Mystery: Who is the man Wyatt’s friend mentioned, and who the boss sends him to?
Suspense: can he be trusted?
Reveal: the boss allows Turner to know about the man and his address
Reveal:
the boss knows a lot more than he lets on
Mystery: Why doesn’t he help Wyatt?
Suspense: There must be someone he can trust – or not?
Reveal: Laney finds a cozy picture of the boss and the man whose safe room they infiltrated
Reveal: it’s all a trap, but for whom?
Suspense: can Wyatt, Laney and sidekick survive?
Reveal: Turner and his henchmen are shot as they lay in wait
Reveal: Laney and Wyatt have the upper hand
Mystery: why doesn’t the man who supposedly encrypted the drive recognise it’s not the real one?
Suspense: the boss enters
Reveal: He holds them at gunpoint, demanding the real drive
Reveal: a trap for the boss
Suspense: where is the drive? Will they give it up?
Reveal: Laney has a tiny camera that transmits everything to her sidekick, and they know how to share videos instantly
Reveal:
The bad guys have lost
Mystery: why all this elaborate cat and mouse game?
Suspense: Does Laney’s blackmail work?
Reveal: She and Wyatt walk away
Reveal: Game over
Mystery: Are they safe?
Reveal: The Boss is found dead in an accident, and half a dozen people in the upper echelons receive Wyatt’s report including the message that the video and the report will be accessible to the media if anything happens to him, or Laney, or her sidekick
Reveal:
New beginning
Mystery: What comes next for Laney?
Suspense: she’s waiting tables again
Reveal: she wears an earbud and uses a script from her sidekick, under Wyatt’s supervision
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Carmen’s trust relationships:
What I learned – the strongest twists come from a shift in trust or distrust. And the more I know about these earlier, the better I can brainstorm possibilities before I become too attracted to my concept.
Opening
In her waitress job, Laney demonstrates her impressive acting and improv skills, in front of Wyatt. He hires her to do a job for the government.
Mystery: why does Wyatt need an actor?
He has promised and agent and close friend to come up with a way to gain access to a private safe room without using anyone in the CIA.
Life-threatening: Laney doesn’t really know what she’s hired for.
Trust: Laney believes Wyatt’s made-up cover story
Distrust: Laney finds out Wyatt lied to her and put her in danger
Mystery 2: Why doesn’t the agent trust anyone but Wyatt?
Villain’s plan: Have an agent steal the drive
Twist: The inclusion of Wyatt, Laney and her sidekick was not foreseen
Inciting incident:
Using intel gained by Laney, Wyatt’s agent friend steals an encrypted drive
Twist: it’s 24 hours earlier than planned. He mails the drive to Wyatt (another deviation) just before he is murdered by Turner.
Mystery: why does he change the schedule?
Mystery 2: how does Turner know about the change?
Villain’s plan: Use the drive to see who all comes after it
Trust: Wyatt informs the boss he’s got the drive and is warned against coming in, or trusting anyone
Twist: the change in the schedule causes the boss and Turner to scramble
Turning point 1:
In fear for his life, Wyatt goes on the run with Laney and her sidekick.
Trust: Wyatt feels responsible for Laney and her sidekick’s safety, so tells them what they need to know
Distrust: He’s holding back information and keeps on lying about other things
Mystery:
Why doesn’t he go to his boss?
Why do Laney and sidekick need to go with him?
How can they cover their tracks?
Where can they run to?
Life-threatening sequence: A killer is after them, and he knows who they are
Twist: the boss allowed Turner to find out about them
Trust: Wyatt believes that Laney and her sidekick understand the danger and will follow his instructions to not interact with anyone
Twist/Distrust: Laney secretly contacts her agent, and gives away her location
Villain’s plan:
Use Laney’s message to stealthily guide both Wyatt and Turner’s steps
Trust: Wyatt gets in touch with the boss, using a burner phone. Receives instructions where to go.
Distrust: The Boss enables Turner to intercept the message
Midpoint: Turner catches up with them and kidnaps Wyatt
Mystery: why doesn’t he kill Wyatt?
Will he find Laney and sidekick?
Life-threatening sequence: Turner and helpers have tracked down Wyatt, Laney, and sidekick
Twist: Laney and sidekick create a diversion and disappear into a crowd
Trust: Wyatt helps them escape
Wyatt almost gets away, but is taken and put in a car boot
Laney and sidekick chase the car on e-scooters
Villain’s plan: Making sure he will be able to secure the drive and to get rid of Wyatt if he knows too much.
Turning point 2:
Laney and her sidekick free Wyatt and decide to turn the tables.
Mystery: How could Turner could always catch up with them?
Mystery: How can they go on the attack?
Trust: Wyatt promises them no more lies
Twist: They use a library computer to google the owner of the safe room house and find a picture of him and Wyatt’s boss
Distrust: Wyatt is sure the boss is a traitor. But there’s also the problem of Turner …
Laney and sidekick use their own knowledge to create their own misinformation campaign designed to flush out whoever set them all up
Life-threatening situation: Sidekick picks the boot lock. Laney distracts the two helpers, and she and her sidekick take them down, using stage fight skills
Villain’s plan
Boss used surveillance devices and enabled Turner to hack into information network
Twist: Wyatt informs boss of his planned visit to the decryption guy
Distrust: It’s a set-up, and also intended to keep them safe from Turner
Climax:
Wyatt and Laney walk into a trap.
Life-threatening: They are held at gunpoint. They’re going to die.
Mystery: How can they survive?
Twist: They use this moment to get incriminating evidence from the mastermind, Wyatt’s own boss, streaming it live to Laney’s sidekick.
The villain has no choice but to let them go.
Resolution:
Mystery: what will the villain do?
He dies in an “accident”.
Twist: Wyatt sends all the information to half a dozen people, and lets them know that the media will receive a copy if anything happens to him or Laney and sidekick
Distrust: Because Wyatt no longer can be sure who to trust, he decides to treat everyone with suspicion
Mystery: what comes next for Laney and her sidekick?
They can go back to struggling in the world of showbusiness or keep on using their skills for clandestine operations.
The twists and turns
Direction: Agent is tasked with stealing an encrypted drive Twist: Because he is uneasy, he asks his analyst friend Wyatt for help
Direction: Wyatt promises to come up with ideas
Twist: He hires actor Laney and her screenwriting sidekick
Direction: Laney and sidekick “infiltrate” the house a promised and deliver info to Wyatt
Twist: Although nobody else should know about them, there’s now a payment linking them to the case
Direction: agent dutifully acts on the intel and steals the drive
Twist: He moves the schedule forward
Direction: Turner gets wind of the theft and kills the agent to get hold of the drive
Twist: The agent already sent the drive to Wyatt, together with carefully coded messages
Direction: Wyatt can’t reach the agent and instead contacts his boss
Twist: the boss tells him not to come in – it’s too dangerous. Plants the idea of going on the run
Direction: Wyatt prepares to leave
Twist: He’s afraid for Laney and her sidekick and needs to convince them to join him
Direction: He is going to do this by the book and expects them to ditch their phones
Twist: Laney and her sidekick need their phones, so they use the tinfoil trick
Direction: the boss tries to track Wyatt
Twist: He needs to find them to keep Turner on their tail
Direction: Wyatt remembers what his dead friend told him about the man who created the encryption, halfway across the country
Twist: Laney secretly uses her phone to send a message to her agent – now the boss now where they’re heading
Direction: Halfway through, Turner and two henchmen catch up with them in a city and pull their guns
Twist: Laney and sidekick create a diversion that sends a crowd between them and the bad guys
Direction: Wyatt is kidnapped and stowed away in a boot
Twist: Laney and sidekick chase the car unnoticed on e-scooters – nobody pays attention to them
Direction: Turner parks the car outside a motel and enters
Twist: Laney and sidekick free Wyatt
Direction: They need help. Wyatt is going to contact the boss
Twist: Laney stops him. They need to figure out what’s going on. When they google the owner of the house where it all began, they find a picture of him and the boss
Direction: Wyatt lets boss know where he’s headed
Twist: the boss allows Turner to intercept the message
Direction: Turner and his henchmen are already waiting when Wyatt appears
Twist: So is the boss who kills them
Direction: Wyatt meets the man he’s supposed to give the drive to
Twist: Wyatt, Laney and sidekick have finally deciphered cage dead agent’s messages and have been warned not to trust the man
Direction: Wyatt hands over the drive
Twist: it’s the wrong one – and the man doesn’t know
Direction: the boss enters the scene, with Laney as hostage, and demands the real drive
Twist: she’s rigged up with a spy camera Direction: If Wyatt doesn’t produce the real drive, the boss will shoot Laney
Twist: the camera transmits everything to her sidekick (one of their old script scenarios)
Direction: Wyatt tells the boss he knows they’ve all been set up and gives him a good guess of the reasons
Twist: the boss is flattered – he needed a way to get the information on the drive to the man, without anything connecting him to the drive. That’s why he set up a rogue agent scenario
Direction: Laney hands over the drive. They’re about to die
Twist: Her phone comes alive, and to hear is the boss’s confession. If he doesn’t let them go, it’ll be broadcast everywhere online. Wyatt destroys the drive
Direction: Wyatt doesn’t know who to trust anymore, so he sends a report to half a dozen people and let’s them know that there is a copy the media will be able to access if anything happens to him
Twist: The boss and the man are killed by their shady overlords , so there are no lose ends
Direction: in a scene resembling the opening, Laney is back waiting tables
Twist: she’s doing this following her sidekick’s script, on another job for Wyatt
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Carmen’s plot twist and turns
Opening
In her waitress job, Laney demonstrates her impressive acting and improv skills, in front of Wyatt. He hires her to do a job for the government.
Mystery: why does Wyatt need an actor?
He has promised and agent and close friend to come up with a way to gain access to a private safe room without using anyone in the CIA.
Life-threatening: Laney doesn’t really know what she’s hired for.
Mystery 2: Why doesn’t the agent trust anyone but Wyatt?
Villain’s plan: Have an agent steal the drive
Twist: The inclusion of Wyatt, Laney and her sidekick was not foreseen
Inciting incident:
Using intel gained by Laney, Wyatt’s agent friend steals an encrypted drive
Twist: it’s 24 hours earlier than planned. He mails the drive to Wyatt (another deviation) just before he is murdered by Turner.
Mystery: why does he change the schedule?
Mystery 2: how does Turner know about the change?
Villain’s plan: Use the drive to see who all comes after it
Twist: the change in the schedule causes the boss and Turner to scramble
Turning point 1:
In fear for his life, Wyatt goes on the run with Laney and her sidekick.
Mystery:
Why doesn’t he go to his boss?
Why do Laney and sidekick need to go with him?
How can they cover their tracks?
Where can they run to?
Life-threatening sequence: A killer is after them, and he knows who they are
Twist: the boss allowed Turner to find out about them
Twist: Laney secretly contacts her agent, and gives away her location
Villain’s plan:
Use Laney’s message to stealthily guide both Wyatt and Turner’s steps
Midpoint: Turner catches up with them and kidnaps Wyatt
Mystery: why doesn’t he kill Wyatt?
Will he find Laney and sidekick?
Life-threatening sequence: Turner and helpers have tracked down Wyatt, Laney, and sidekick
Twist: Laney and sidekick create a diversion and disappear into a crowd
Wyatt almost gets away, but is taken and put in a car boot
Laney and sidekick chase the car on e-scooters
Villain’s plan: Making sure he will be able to secure the drive and to get rid of Wyatt if he knows too much.
Turning point 2:
Laney and her sidekick free Wyatt and decide to turn the tables.
Mystery: How could Turner could always catch up with them?
Mystery: How can they go on the attack?
Twist: They use a library computer to google the owner of the safe room house and find a picture of him and Wyatt’s boss
Laney and sidekick use their own knowledge to create their own misinformation campaign designed to flush out whoever set them all up
Life-threatening situation: Sidekick picks the boot lock. Laney distracts the two helpers, and she and her sidekick take them down, using stage fight skills
Villain’s plan
Boss used surveillance devices and enabled Turner to hack into information network
Twist: Wyatt informs boss of his planned visit to the decryption guy
Climax:
Wyatt and Laney walk into a trap.
Life-threatening: They are held at gunpoint. They’re going to die.
Mystery: How can they survive?
Twist: They use this moment to get incriminating evidence from the mastermind, Wyatt’s own boss, streaming it live to Laney’s sidekick.
The villain has no choice but to let them go.
Resolution:
Mystery: what will the villain do?
He dies in an “accident”.
Twist: Wyatt sends all the information to half a dozen people, and lets them know that the media will receive a copy if anything happens to him or Laney and sidekick
Mystery: what comes next for Laney and her sidekick?
They can go back to struggling in the world of showbusiness or keep on using their skills for clandestine operations.
The twists and turns
Direction: Agent is tasked with stealing an encrypted drive
Twist: Because he is uneasy, he asks his analyst friend Wyatt for helpDirection: Wyatt promises to come up with ideas
Twist: He hires actor Laney and her screenwriting sidekick
Direction: Laney and sidekick “infiltrate” the house a promised and deliver info to Wyatt
Twist: Although nobody else should know about them, there’s now a payment linking them to the case
Direction: agent dutifully acts on the intel and steals the drive
Twist: He moves the schedule forward
Direction: Turner gets wind of the theft and kills the agent to get hold of the drive
Twist: The agent already sent the drive to Wyatt, together with carefully coded messages
Direction: Wyatt can’t reach the agent and instead contacts his boss
Twist: the boss tells him not to come in – it’s too dangerous. Plants the idea of going on the run
Direction: Wyatt prepares to leave
Twist: He’s afraid for Laney and her sidekick and needs to convince them to join him
Direction: He is going to do this by the book and expects them to ditch their phones
Twist: Laney and her sidekick need their phones, so they use the tinfoil trick
Direction: the boss tries to track Wyatt
Twist: He needs to find them to keep Turner on their tail
Direction: Wyatt remembers what his dead friend told him about the man who created the encryption, halfway across the country
Twist: Laney secretly uses her phone to send a message to her agent – now the boss now where they’re heading
Direction: Halfway through, Turner and two henchmen catch up with them in a city and pull their guns
Twist: Laney and sidekick create a diversion that sends a crowd between them and the bad guys
Direction: Wyatt is kidnapped and stowed away in a boot
Twist: Laney and sidekick chase the car unnoticed on e-scooters – nobody pays attention to them
Direction: Turner parks the car outside a motel and enters
Twist: Laney and sidekick free Wyatt
Direction: They need help. Wyatt is going to contact the boss
Twist: Laney stops him. They need to figure out what’s going on. When they google the owner of the house where it all began, they find a picture of him and the boss
Direction: Wyatt lets boss know where he’s headed
Twist: the boss allows Turner to intercept the message
Direction: Turner and his henchmen are already waiting when Wyatt appears
Twist: So is the boss who kills them
Direction: Wyatt meets the man he’s supposed to give the drive to
Twist: Wyatt, Laney and sidekick have finally deciphered cage dead agent’s messages and have been warned not to trust the man
Direction: Wyatt hands over the drive
Twist: it’s the wrong one – and the man doesn’t know
Direction: the boss enters the scene, with Laney as hostage, and demands the real drive
Twist: she’s rigged up with a spy camera Direction: If Wyatt doesn’t produce the real drive, the boss will shoot Laney
Twist: the camera transmits everything to her sidekick (one of their old script scenarios)
Direction: Wyatt tells the boss he knows they’ve all been set up and gives him a good guess of the reasons
Twist: the boss is flattered – he needed a way to get the information on the drive to the man, without anything connecting him to the drive. That’s why he set up a rogue agent scenario
Direction: Laney hands over the drive. They’re about to die
Twist: Her phone comes alive, and to hear is the boss’s confession. If he doesn’t let them go, it’ll be broadcast everywhere online. Wyatt destroys the drive
Direction: Wyatt doesn’t know who to trust anymore, so he sends a report to half a dozen people and let’s them know that there is a copy the media will be able to access if anything happens to him
Twist: The boss and the man are killed by their shady overlords , so there are no lose ends
Direction: in a scene resembling the opening, Laney is back waiting tables
Twist: she’s doing this following her sidekick’s script, on another job for Wyatt
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Carmen’s thriller plot
What I learned: After all the prep work, this was a lot less daunting than expected. But it also clearly shows me the scale of plot needed to make it work, and all the layers I still have to create if I want to use this concept.
Opening
In her waitress job, Laney demonstrates her impressive acting and improv skills, in front of Wyatt. He hires her to do a job for the government.
Mystery: why does Wyatt need an actor?
He has promised and agent and close friend to come up with a way to gain access to a private safe room without using anyone in the CIA.
Life-threatening: Laney doesn’t really know what she’s hired for.
Mystery 2: Why doesn’t the agent trust anyone but Wyatt?
Villain’s plan: Have an agent steal the drive
Inciting incident:
Using intel gained by Laney, Wyatt’s agent friend steals an encrypted drive – 24 hours earlier than planned. He mails the drive to Wyatt (another deviation) just before he is murdered by Turner.
Mystery: why does he change the schedule?
Mystery 2: how does Turner know about the change?
Villain’s plan: Use the drive to see who all comes after it
Turning point 1:
In fear for his life, Wyatt goes on the run with Laney and her sidekick.
Mystery:
Why doesn’t he go to his boss?
Why do Laney and sidekick need to go with him?
How can they cover their tracks?
Where can they run to?
Life-threatening sequence: A killer is after them, and he knows who they are
Laney has secretly contacted her agent.
Villain’s plan:
Intercept Laney’s message to her agent. Stealthily guide both Wyatt and Turner’s steps
Midpoint: Turner catches up with them and kidnaps Wyatt
Mystery: why doesn’t he kill Wyatt?
Will he find Laney and sidekick?
Life-threatening sequence: Turner and helpers have tracked down Wyatt, Laney, and sidekick
Laney and sidekick create a diversion and disappear into a crowd
Wyatt almost gets away, but is taken and put in a car boot
Laney and sidekick chase the car on e-scooters
Villain’s plan: Making sure he will be able to secure the drive and to get rid of Wyatt if he knows too much.
Turning point 2:
Laney and her sidekick free Wyatt and decide to turn the tables.
Mystery: How could Turner could always catch up with them?
Mystery: How can they go on the attack?
Using old research to create their own misinformation campaign designed to flush out whoever set them all up
Life-threatening situation: Sidekick picks the boot lock. Laney distracts the two helpers, and she and her sidekick take them down, using stage fight skills
Villain’s plan
Boss used surveillance devices and enabled Turner to hack into information network
Climax:
Wyatt and Laney walk into a trap.
Life-threatening: They are held at gunpoint. They’re going to die.
Mystery: How can they survive?
They use this moment to get incriminating evidence from the mastermind, Wyatt’s own boss, streaming it live to Laney’s sidekick.
The villain has no choice but to let them go.
Resolution:
Mystery: what will the villain do?
He dies in an “accident”.
Mystery: what comes next for Laney and her sidekick?
They can go back to struggling in the world of showbusiness or keep on using their skills for clandestine operations.
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Carmen’s life-threatening sequence
What I have learned: not every danger has to be physical. It adds to the depth if someone stakes are emotional and psychological instead.
1. Laney is hired by Wyatt to help him gain access to the safe room of a mansion <div>2. Using the information gained by Laney and her sidekick One-Take Jake, Wyatt’s friend is murdered after sending Wyatt the drive he stole from the safe room </div><div>3. Payment links Laney and One-Take to Wyatt </div><div>4. Wyatt is scared for all of their lives and convinces them to go on the run with him </div><div>5. But He let his boss know he has the drive – information, rogue agent Turner gets hold of </div><div>6. One-Take creates a ruse to throw Turner off their scent, but Laney secretly contacts her agent because she has a second call-back for a small part </div><div>7. Using that, Turner tracks them down in a city and is ready to take Wyatt hostage (he needs to know where the drive is and what else Wyatt knows) </div><div>8. Laney and One-Take create a diversion, thus saving Wyatt </div><div>9. Wyatt is desperate to reach the one man he hopes can save them all by handing over the drive for unlocking it but Turner is already aware of that man and their destination</div><div>10. During a stop, Turner captures Wyatt, but because Laney and One-Take treat this like a movie, they’re constantly changing appearance and escape </div><div>11. One-Take, an ex-stunt woman, and Laney use e-scooters to chase Turner’s car. </div><div>12. When Turner stops outside a remote house, they pop the boot and save Wyatt </div><div>13. They’re done running and sit down to figure out what’s going on </div><div>14. They send an errand boy to deliver a parcel with laundry to a man at the next airport. That man doesn’t exist, but hidden among the laundry are two burner phones that ping off the tower, with text messages that should set off alarm bells </div><div>15. Turner and the boss, who’s been playing them all, intercept the messages.</div><div> 16. They’re proof that Wyatt and his helpers know too much and have to die </div><div>17. Everyone’s closing in on the home of the man who Wyatt wants to give the drive to. </div><div>18. The boss takes out Turner and watches Wyatt enter the house. </div><div>19. Laney and One-Take watch too. </div><div>20. The man pulls a gun on Wyatt, only to have Laney appear with a gun as well. </div><div>21. When the boss enters, Wyatt seems to be held at gun-point, but he hasn’t got the drive. </div><div>22. One-Take has it, and after extracting a confession from the boss and secretly destroying it, they destroy the drive. </div><div>23, The boss will have to resign, or the confession will be made public. </div><div>24. The boss panics. He’s promised the drive to the man, and some unsavoury people linked to him.</div><div>25. Laney hears from her agent that she lost her shot at the part.</div><div>26. Next day, Laney, One-Take, and Wyatt read in the news that the boss died in an “accident”.
They’re safe, have the money they’ve been paid, and could stage a play with it. Or they could continue working with Wyatt and create their best dramas with real life or death stakes. </div>-
This reply was modified 2 years ago by Carmen Radtke.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
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Carmen’s mystery sequence
What I learned from this assignment: Secret and cover-up sound easy, but are hard to master. Mine is still much too convoluted and a work in progress (that’s what happens when you run with a vague idea …) No wonder Eszterhazy did the groundwork for BI for years.
What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?
He created a story about a valuable encrypted drive to flush out a corrupt agent and got the man he sent, killed.
How many ways can they cover that secret? Those become the mysteries.
The boss uses stealth, and his position. He artlessly mentions the drive and that he’s sending a man to steal it in a meeting with his main suspects, including Turner.
He directs Wyatt towards the one man who can decrypt the drive, thus knowing where Wyatt will go.
All Wyatt knows is that someone is on his track, he can’t go to his boss, and that he needs to deliver the drive or all is lost.
All Turner knows is that he has to get the drive if he wants the money.
The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it.
Mystery 1
Who is after the drive?
The first agent, who got murdered by Turner, after sending the drive to Wyatt.
Turner, because he thinks the drive will give him access to a fortune.
The villain, because ultimately he needs the drive to be delivered to a crony.
Mystery 2:
Why does Wyatt have it?
Because the agent was aware of problems, he got his friend Wyatt to help him out (by bringing in Laney and One-Take) and then moved the timeline, so he could mail the drive to Wyatt before Turner kills him. He died because he let his boss know he was ready to act.
Mystery 3:
Why does he need to go on the run with Laney and One-Take Jake?
Once he has the drive and finds about the murder of his friend from the boss, he knows he is in danger, and so are his hired helpers. Although Wyatt didn’t tell his superiors about their involvement, the payment or interviews with the owners of the safe room might give them away.
Once they help Wyatt, they’re definitely targets.
Mystery 4:
How can Turner track them down?
The boss directs Wyatt towards the one man who can decrypt the drive, thus knowing where Wyatt will go. He allows Turner access to this information. Turner then uses his own network.
Mystery 5:
Why doesn’t the boss step in to stop Turner once he’s going after Wyatt?
He needs to find out who is in with Turner.
He also wants Wyatt to be killed, so he can’t cause problems over his friend’s death. He makes sure that Turner won’t lose the trail and keeps moving, with no chance to sit back and think.
Mystery 6: Who is the man who can decrypt the drive and why can he do it?
He is the man who originally created the code – for the villain.
Whoever delivers the drive to him, walks into a trap. The information itself is not the key to money, but to other valuable data – ostensibly stolen by a rogue agent. That way the villain is the hero and has gotten away with murder.
Turner is the red herring – he is being manipulated and used as well.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by Carmen Radtke.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
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Carmen’s villain has a great plan (albeit in the early stages!)
What I’ve learned from this assignment: Keep the goal simple and straightforward and concentrate on stacking suspense through devious actions and twists.
To create your Villain’s plan, answer these four questions:
What is the end goal? The villain wants to uncover corrupt agents
How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?
He sets a trap – an encrypted drive which will supposedly allow accents to millions on dark money – and sees who goes after it once it’s stolen, using all the surveillance systems at his command.
How can they cover it up? Nobody asks the boss any questions – he can even help his target stay on our innocent heroes
Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.A few “trusted” agents are informed about the drive.
One is tasked with retrieving it from the safe room of a third party and told not to trust anyone. The agent is suspicious, talks to his friend Wyatt.
Wyatt hires Laney and One Take, to get the code for the safe room. They succeed.
The agent retrieves the drive and mails it to Wyatt before Turner kills the agent.
Wyatt goes on the run, with Laney and One-Take, because their payment might be traced back. But he contacts the boss, who now casually gives him away. The hunt is on.
Laney and One-Take come up with a plan and disguises to reach their destination – the one man who can open the drive – but Turner is never far away, thanks to a few blunders (Laney contacts her agent because of a role), and his knowledge of Wyatt’s training and thinking.
Only Laney and One-Take’s skills as actor and writer allow them to escape and finally, flip the script.
Once they figure out that Wyatt’s boss set them up and sacrificed his friend, they come up with a plan to let the boss catch Turner and his cronies and expose the boss.
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Carmen Radtke’s SOTL – stacking suspense
What I’ve learned from this assignment: You don’t always have to tick all the boxes, but most scenes will have all elements of M.I.S
The characters drive everything. Clarice is the perfect foil for Lecter – like he, she’s lonely, but she’s also tough yet vulnerable (see her stoic reaction when the masturbating prisoner flicks his cum at her), and she has deep rooted trust issues. Lecter is perfect because the deal he makes with her forces her to face her trauma, be able to change her behaviour when Chilton betrays her and Lecter, and in a twisted way he becomes her mentor. He’s a trustworthy villain and as such, utterly compelling without distracting from Clarice.
Although the main mystery is, can Clarice identify the killer and rescue the kidnapped girl, most of the stacked suspense centres around trust and betrayal.
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Carmen’s BI stacking suspense
I’ve learned how every tiny question raised early is paid off at a later stage, and the conclusion can be traced back through the scenes. Although the suspense ramps up, it’s not created equal so we are intrigued and engaged but also have breathing space. Every question that is answered leads to more questions …
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Carmen’s world and characters <div> What I learned doing this assignment is…?” I still have a long road ahead to find all the puzzle pieces that propel the villain’s plan. The villain has to be at the core of every decision.</div><div>
</div><div>The concept: A struggling actress and her screenwriter best friend are hired for a one-off gig to help out the CIA, but as a result they find themselves in the deadly crosshairs of spies and assassins. </div><div>Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story?
What is on the encrypted drive and why is it worth killing for? </div><div>Big Suspense: Who set Laney and One Take’s employer up – is it really Turner who is pulling the strings? </div><div>Big Intrigue: Can our heroes stay alive long enough to deliver the encrypted drive?2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story.
Laney and One-Take Jake come from the world of acting and screenwriting, where make believe is everything, and nothing can ever be taken at face value. They know nothing about real life espionage or manhunts, but everything about those concepts.
3. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions:
Hero: Laney is an actor in her thirties, but despite her talent she’s still waiting for her big break.
Mystery: How does an actor evade ruthless killers?
Intrigue: What can she do to keep herself and the others alive? Play different characters, create improvised scenes, change her appearance completely
Suspense: Can Laney fool trained operatives long enough to stay alive?
Red Herring: CIA-operative Turner.
Mystery: Why is he after the encrypted drive?
Intrigue: He knows every trick in the playbook about hunting and killing people, but is he working alone?
Suspense: Will he catch his targets and kill them?
Villain: Turner and Wyatt’s boss.
Mystery: Why isn’t he protecting Wyatt? What is on the drive?
Intrigue: He has a network of operatives and the best technology to find Wyatt and stop Turner.
Suspense: will he sacrifice the lives of Wyatt, Laney and One-Take?
</div>
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Carmen’s Big M.I.S
What have I learned from this assignment? I’ve learned how complicated it is to create so many layers while sticking to a clear plot. But I’ve also discovered again how much fun it is – this idea is in its infancy and I’m excited to see where it takes me (or what I can use instead of the trope-y encrypted drive).
Logline: A struggling actress and her screenwriter best friend are hired for a one-off gig to help out the CIA, but as a result they find themselves in the deadly crosshairs of spies and assassins.
1. What are the conventions of your story?
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Laney is a talented, but unsuccessful actor, who can transform herself into any character, and former stuntwoman turned screenwriter “One Take” Jake can think through a dozen scenarios at the flip of a dime – skills that got them lured into the job but also the only thing that can save them.
Dangerous Villain: Turner, a CIA man who’s run more black ops than he can remember, is going to retrieve the encrypted drive our heroines helped acquire, and kill anyone to do with it.
High stakes: Haley and “One Take” must figure out what they’ve stumbled into and deliver both their employer, a desk officer with no field experience, and the drive to the one man who can read the data for them, without being killed first.
Life and death situations: Our heroines are forced to go on the run, with Turner after them. They’re shot at, trapped in a crowd, and finally cornered in a seemingly hopeless situation.
This story is thrilling because? Two people with no intelligence experience or real life fighting skills must outwit a ruthless professional who knows every page of the playbook, and they also have to keep their employer alive, who is more damsel in distress than smooth operator.
2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?
Big Mystery: What is on the encrypted drive and why is it worth killing for?
Big Intrigue: Who set Haley and One Take’s employer up – is Turner really pulling the strings?
Big Suspense: Can our heroes stay alive long enough to deliver the encrypted drive?
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Charade – thriller assignment
Unwitting hero: Regina – a truthful woman is thrown into a hunt for stolen money when her lying husband is murdered
Dangerous villain: A veteran who doesn’t mind killing whoever he has go to get his hands on a quarter million dollars
High stakes: If Regina doesn’t find the money her murdered husband must have hidden, she’ll die
Life and death situations: Regina is warned: Hand over the money or else … Another of her husband’s war pals breaks into her hotel room and assaults her
Her best friend’s little son is kidnapped
The killer chases her into an old theatre, intent on shooting her, once she’s found the treasure
This movie is thrilling because we have a heroine unequipped to deal with violent men, she has no idea where the money is, and the only man she’s trusted turns out to be a liar and murder suspect. The danger piles up.
Big mystery: Where is the money?
Big intrigue: Who can Regina trust? Is there anyone not manipulating her?
Big suspense: How can Regina survive a group of ex-soldiers used to killing in cold blood? And will her love interest save her or kill her?
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Hi, I’m Carmen Radtke. I’m a published novelist – mostly cozy mysteries, both contemporary and historical. When it comes to writing scripts, I hop genres depending on the story, but tend to come back to suspense/thriller. I’ve written 5 feature scripts and two tv pilots. One pilot won the emerging screenwriter competition in the mystery/crime genre and I’m actively developing that concept with a director.
This class will hopefully give me the final push I need to make my scripts leap off the page. Anything that makes us better writers is always good, right?
I started my professional writing live as a newspaper reporter in my native Germany before I moved to New Zealand, then the U.K., and lately, Italy (still learning the language!)
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I, Carmen Radtke, agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi Agnes, is your thriller map still current from assignment lesson 14?
Kind regards,
Carmen
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Hi Rebecca,
would you like my feedback? I didn’t know if you’d already asked someone else.
My email is scribbler25@gmail.com
Best,
Carmen
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I like what I’ve read so far – it sounds like a Psychothriller to me.
I also have another idea but I’m saving that for after this class, when I’ll be able to do it full justice. Happy creating!