Serita Stevens
Forum Replies Created
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Atmosphere of Evil – death of Frances and birth of Claire by emergency C
Characters- Frances -19- Stan’s pregnant mistress whom he murders in a jealous rage and now returns looking for justice.
Stan – local detective/ lawyer who is now running for Ill. District Attorney and starts seeing various domestic violence abusers dying and strange ways and finally realizes that Fran is after him.
Martin – Stan’s police partner, a gay man who has not officially come out in this town, but it’s known. He doesn’t want to make an issue of it. He loved Fran as a friend and suspected problems with Stan and would encourage Fran to leave him. He knew Stan had a temper, but never believed Stan actually killed her until he finds proof at the end. Stan kills him for fear that Martin will expose him.
Claire – the child of Stan and Frances – having been born by emergency c-section and adopted out, starts hearing the voice of the killer and seeing visions of her mother’s murder. She’s determined to find out about her biological parents as well as her mom’s murder.
Victoria Rose – Fran’s sister who tries to help her new niece.
Albert and Miriam Rose – Fran’s strict parents and her father who is an abuser. And is murdered by the ghost.
Act2 – Arriving in this small town, there is a snow storm that blocks the roads in and out of town so that no one can go in or out of town. They are isolated.
Stan attends the death of a man known to be an abuser and sees that it is not something that would have happened naturally. He wants to blame the wife but she has a full alibi.
Mid point – Several ghostly attempts on Stan’s life. Fran wants him to apologize but he refuses to admit he did anything wrong with Fran. She pulls him under the water since he tried to drown her, but then lets him go. It frightens him but he refuses to acknowledge there is anything supernatural happening even as he sees more people dying.
Act 3- More frightening events attack Stan as Claire continues to investigate and goes to the prison to find the man who Stan claims killed Fran. Ron is murdered on Stan’s order to keep him from talking about the bribe….and Fran exposes the written checks to Martin who realizes now that his partner is the killer.
Stan escapes from death more time.
But then sees Fran as he corners and is about to silence Claire, who has realized who he is….and walks backward falling out of the second story and impaled on the fence.
As he’s dying, he whispers – Forgive me.
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Group targeted are dv abusers
They die by strangulation or drowning as Stan tried to do to Fran
She is wanting revenge from Stan.
Weapon of choice is what Stan did to her.
She appears at odd places doing things. Maybe Becky, Stan’s wife dies instead of him, when Stan should have.
Martin: the gay detective who had feelings for Fran
Stan: the lover/killer detective who she is really after
Becky: Stan’s wife who hated Fran and made her life miserable.
Captain: Who should have investigated Fran’s death more and ignored obvious clues that it was someone he knew.
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Group targeted are domestic violence abusers
They die by strangulation or drowning as Stan tried to do to Fran
She is wanting revenge from Stan.
Weapon of choice is what Stan did to her.
She appears at odd places doing things. Maybe Becky, Stan’s wife dies instead of him, when Stan should have.
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Conjuring. The Warren’s help a family whose home is haunted.
In a newly purchased old home, a family who’s spent all their money on this, struggles with the malevolent ghosts who want to kill them, especially one mother who murdered her son and hung him from the tree in the garden.
No one believes them until the Warren’s come onto the scene. There are several attempts on the children, one is possessed and tries to kill the mother. Things escalate and the family is forced to flee but the ghosts go after them.
Nothing the family or Warren’s do until the Ms. Warren preforms an exorcism.
Moral statement that evil even thou it lives on, can be defeated.
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I am Serita Stevens and have written a number of scripts in several genres, teach writing, and am a forensic nurse helping others with medical, forensic and poison questions for their stories. Happy to help you if you have any questions. My forensic nurse series has been optioned as well as several scripts.
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I,Serita Stevens, agree to the release in this forum.
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My specialties are thrillers and historicals. Awards for both genres.
I have 40 producers currently in my LinkedIN and will market for more.
Every week, I will do another search. I will also become the premium for LinkedIN.
As I have a number of awards and have produced two films already, and have done ghostwriting and writing assignments in the past, I believe I am mid-level in pricing but I listen to what the producer wants and what he thinks he can pay before I make decisions.
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Title: Transplant
Genre: Medical Thriller
Logline: A nurse goes undercover to expose illegal Chinese organ transplants only to be in danger of becoming one of the unwilling organ donors herself.
IP: Bloody Harvest, The Slaughter and WHO reports.
Cutting the budget – I could cut down on the locations, maybe a few of the characters, cut out the child,. We would not film in China but make something here that resembled it.
Different audience -I could make it for the Chinese that are being persecuted and do the story from their POV.
Double the conflict – If the heroine’s mom needs a kidney and the bad guys are promising that for her if the heroine gives up her organs for what they need. Finding out the one she trusted is really the head of the bad guys.
Changing sex and age – yes, the nurse could be male and maybe older, maybe it’s he who needs the transplant and is trying to find out if they are real.
Change the genre-Some of those from the group persecuted are haunting the people who took their organs.
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Decreasing Budget –
Locations for Transplant – 3 main locations – hospital, mom’s home, Chinese hospital -which can combine for American hospital, restaurant, prison camp.
None of these are expensive and can be used several times over
5 main characters and four minor ones. I child that can be cut out if needed
No special effects
108 pages
Crowd scenes – none really thou we can have a few milling about at the prison camp.
A fight scene with two main characters and a chase scene as MC escapes to the American Embassy and flies off.
Special set – a surgical suite – maybe
No music, brand or book special needed. No explosion or possible firearm but can be worked around.
Child can be eliminated if needed,
No animals.
There will one aircraft scene but can be rewritten if needed.
The scene at the prison camp could be higher but easily written down as the mother alone stands at the fence.
Probably the little boy is the highest budget in the script and that can be talked around. The dramatic scene is the custody battle between MC and her ex. And it can be written as an argument with the two ignoring the child.
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I’m ready to talk to someone about my medical thriller but can also work in other genres, too. Please write me at seritawrites@gmail.com if I haven’t responded in a few days.
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Joan I am playing catch up, too because I had to finish something before the strike and was working on my thriller.
do you still need a producer because I do, as well. Just done Lesson 7 and had no other responses. seritawrites@gmail.com
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sorry Joan I just saw this. Email is seritawrites@gmail.com
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Transplant Mini Movie
Teaser –Falun Gong practitioner Chinese home invaded by the CPC and the parents are taken as the teen son escapes. Later he finds his mom at a prison camp, and she tells him father has been taken and he needs to run.
1. DEBRA ROTH, RN with small child, recently divorced from abusive ex-a cop, and is now staying with mother who doesn’t understand the full story and thinks she should go back to ex. She says she doesn’t want a relationship now and tells her mom to stop nagging her. Suggests they go out to dinner.
At the restaurant, Debra runs into an old school adversary, JANELLE FENTON, who says she’s glad to see Debra. Janelle is now the nursing administrator of a hospital in a northern suburb, and they need good nurses. Now that Debra is back in town she offers her a job. Mom says she should take the offer but Debra wonders if Janelle has forgiven what happened in school when Janelle’s boyfriend wanted Debra and not Janelle.
2. Debra’s ex calls and begs her to return. Debra won’t talk to him. He says that he knows the judge and he’ll cut off her support. Debra dares him. Mom says she needs to take Janelle’s job. Well, at least, Debra agrees to the interview at New Hope Hospital. Leaving the hospital, she sees a reporter, MICHAEL WEINER, being thrown out of the hospital and told not to return. Going to a diner for coffee and to think after the interview, Debra is approached by Michael. He asks what she knows about the hospital. She’s ignorant, but he tells her he’s heard that they are accepting illegal transplants from China. She doesn’t understand what he’s saying but when he asks if she’ll keep her eyes out, she agrees that she’ll take the job and keep an eye out.
Act 2
3. Debra tours the hospital and meets the main staff – DR. GEORGE CHU and DR. BENTON BARR as well as a nurse ZHU LI. She learns that most of the patients are here for transplants because as Janelle says this hospital is considered a New Hope for many. Debra has worked in med-surg before but not that many transplants. Most of the patients have been rejected from the national transplant list or have waited years and don’t feel they have much hope left.
Janelle takes her to lunch, and they talk a bit about their past. Janelle waves it off as nothing. Then she says she saw Debra’s ex out with another woman. Debra shrugs it off, but she is curious. Walking through the hospital, Janelle shows Debra the medical room and “accidently” cuts Debra when a glass petri dish breaks. Janelle wipes it with antibiotics and bandages. She says she will take care of the bloody gauze. As Debra walks away, Janelle sweeps it all into a paper bag.
Debra meets with Michael and tells him that yes, most of the patients are waiting for transplants that are arranged often within a week or two but at a high cost. Does that help him? It does but Michael tells her they pay double and sometimes triple the average cost. Why? She repeats what she was told –because the donors are young, healthy and the organs are taken fresh. He needs her to find out what that means. He explains what he’s heard that political prisoners are being killed for their organs on demand. She doesn’t want to believe him or that those being murdered are real convicts. But real convicts Michael says might be dope dealers, alcoholics, and have other problems. He needs her to find out more. She is still doubtful of what he is saying.
4. Debra begins reading charts at the hospital and sees that all the organs are obtained usually a week or two after requesting and many from Jang Province, China. The average organ wait in US is months to years. Zhu tells Debra it is best she mind her own business. She finds Zhu in the locker room doing strange exercises and Zhu tells her a bit about Falun Dafa. She tells Debra that she escaped from China after her parents were taken for practicing and she never saw them again. Debra makes friends with the young girl who doesn’t want to be there but her father insists. Who is arranging for all the Chinese organ transplants from here? Zhu is not sure but she suspects Dr. Carlos who seems to be flashing money around. Many of the patients have been on the list and then just disappear from the list. Some return and obviously had transplants because they need post-surgical care but they won’t say where they got the organs from. She wants to find out and she plans to report to World Health Organization and hope they can convince the US to ban the organs from China. Debra tells her about Michael and his story.
One of the patients, OMAR, argues with Barr and Carlos that he will not go to China as they do not like Moslems there. He will need a liver but he will get it elsewhere. Debra starts to ask him why he doesn’t want to go there but Janelle calls her away. Janelle tells her that the hospital needs to get ready for a JHACO visit and all the charts have to be buffed. Everything has to be properly signed so that they can pass as the last time they had some negative marks. They need to be approved to do transplants here. But they’re already taking care of transplant patients, can they do that? Janelle just smiles and shakes her head. “They get money from patients who are desperate for new organs at any cost. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Here they can jump ahead of the line. Remember, you got into nursing to save lives.”
Dr. Barr compliments Janelle on her wonderful work for the hospital and pats her butt. Do they have something going?
Debra overhears an argument between Chu and Carlos and waits until they have left Chu’s office before she edges in to find an ornamental knife on his desk next to a Buddha.
She calls Harvard and finds out that Chu was an excellent medical student and excelled in transplants. Does that make him a suspect for these illegal transplants?
Zhu invites her back to her place to tell her more but when Debra gets to Zhu’s, there’s no answer. She meets Michael for dinner, but he says he needs more facts to get the story written. Coming out from dinner, she finds her tires have been slashed. She tells Michael. He says it could be related, but he doesn’t think so. Does anyone at the hospital suspect that she is taking notes? She doesn’t think so. He’s going to prepare a preliminary report for his editor and for a document to send to WHO. She suggests that he interview Zhu.
At home, her cat has disappeared.
5. Back at the hospital the next day, Zhu has not come into work, nor has she called in sick. The girl’s father is elated that they found a kidney for his daughter here in the US and she doesn’t have to travel to China. In fact, she’s in surgery now with Dr. Chu.
Debra’s ex calls her to work, and she tells him she does not want to talk since he wants half custody of their boy. He says he has other things to tell her, but she doesn’t want to hear and hangs up.
Going to the supply closet, she finds Zhu’s murdered body. A rope around her neck indicates that she was strangled, but as the coroner with the police comes to remove the body, Debra sees a suture line on Zhu’s abdomen. The ornamental knife is under the shelving. She kicks it further under not sure why she is doing that.
Police want to know why. Her ex is one of the detectives on the case. He says that he needs to talk her but then a code is called. She rushes to the room. It seems that Omar has succumbed to his disease.
Dr. Barr invites her to dinner and tells her at the fancy restaurant how pleased he is with her work. He tries to seduce her but isn’t he dating Janelle? He denies they have anything exclusive.
6. Michael says that someone – maybe she – will have to find a way to go to China and get some more evidence. Taking notes here is good but more is needed. A rich old CEO, DONALD PECK, needing a new liver comes in and asks for Debra to be his nurse when he goes to China. He will reward her handsomely. Debra doesn’t know if that is a good idea for her. She doesn’t want to leave the baby. Michael says he will be sure that her boy is all right. He will make sure that her mom’s home is watched to make sure nothing happens. She feels that she is being watched and is worried. Then she agrees to go to China with her patient.
7. On the plane to China, Donald tells her how happy he is that she is coming with them. Again, says she will be rewarded for her efforts. She is wondering why Dr. Chu is not with them. They land at a distant province and as they drive to the hospital, pass a prison camp. She asks about it but the answers are vague. Instead of putting her up at a hotel, they give her a suite at the hospital. Barr takes her on a tour of the establishment and she is surprised how modern and up to date everything is. She asks to see the prison camp but when they get there it seems clean, and the prisoners do not look stressed or haggard. One of the men whispers to go to the North End and here she finds what she needs and begins to snap photos. Then she realizes that Barr and the others are probably looking for her.
Back at the hospital, she is told that her patient needs her and there she sees pix of her patient with Janelle and learns that Janelle is his niece and suggested that Debra would be a good person for him. Good in what way? Barr comes in and then injects her with a sedative!
She’s bound to the gurney with IV’s and EKG and is told she will be the liver transplant that Donald needs because she is a perfect match. They could not have done this in the States. She realizes now that Barr is the head of the Chinese group here in New Hope and was getting all the patients for the Chinese illegal organs. He’s desperate for money because his ex-wife took almost everything. He thanks her for her service and says everything is going according to plan.
8. He’s sorry that he had to do this, but they had a wonderful time together, didn’t they? As head of the transplant operation in his area, he had an obligation to the patients and of course, to his pocketbook. And of course, they couldn’t let her spill their story.
What if she promises not to tell anyone? No, too late. They need her liver. Debra tries to get up, but she’s strapped to the bed and can barely move. He pats her hand. It won’t be long now. She asks if he’s the one who killed Zhu and what Zhu was going to tell her. Barr imagines that Zhu planned to warn her to leave. She had been a Chinese rebel anyway. Now she learns that Zhu and Chu are cousins having both escaped from China – he was the boy in the first scene – and both being practitioners of Falun Dafa which China disapproves of. Barr found out that they had been trying to prevent the transplants from going through or patients coming to them and he couldn’t allow that. He will deal with Chu when he returns and says he’ll make it as painless as possible for Debra.
She flashes on the statue hidden in Chu’s office and the book she found which must have been the Falun Dafa book by Master Li. So, she really had been wrong about him. Again, she tries to escape but it seems impossible. At least let me call my parents to say goodbye. He gives her the phone and she calls her mother and in code tries to tell her that she’s in danger. Barr senses something and grabs the phone from her. Then she says she has to talk to Donald, her patient. Donald is rolled into her room on a gurney. Debra asks if he really goes along with killing innocent people for his benefit. He says he really wants to live. He has so much he wants to do. And she doesn’t? He looks away and says Janelle said that she wouldn’t mind. Well, she minds very much. She has her whole life ahead of her and he’s 80. He’s lived a good life already. He says he needs to survive. He has a lot to do. He’s taken back to his room.
She watches the clock and begins to cry when a new doctor wearing scrubs comes in…it’s Chu! He puts his finger to his lips as he loosens her bonds and gives her a shirt and pants to put on. He’s going to help her escape and talked to the Embassy. Once they get her over there, they will get her on a plane home.
Janelle appears now. She tells Debra that she’s not allowed to leave. Debra doesn’t understand why Janelle’s here. Janelle says “You always were pretty obtuse! I’m Donald’s niece. I want to make sure he lives even if it means your death. I owe you one anyway since you took my guy away from me.” She attacks Debra and this time Debra has to find the inner strength to fight for her life against her old friend/enemy. She thinks Janelle is down…but she’s not. As they get to the end of the hospital complex, the warning sounds. Chu hides and tries to take Debra into the side room, but she’s too slow from the meds they’ve given her.
She’s recaptured and it looks like this is end for her…but then Donald changes his mind and rejects her as donor. He says he will wait and insists that Debra be allowed to leave. His bloody niece (her friend) drags herself to Debra and now tries to strangle Debra. She yells at her uncle. How could he do this after all she worked so hard to get Debra here? Debra must fight her to get away. She grabs the wire and chokes Janelle. Barr runs up and grabs Debra. She kicks him in the balls. He falls and she escapes with Chu. The Chinese police take a screaming Dr. Barr away. Once they disappear, she and Chu sprint for the car he commanded. They are chased to the American Embassy where they are given shelter and she is disguised. Rushed to a plane…that even then might not have clearance to take off. Tense moments as she doesn’t know if the plane will ascend into the air, but they finally clear Chinese air space. In the air, she thanks Chu profusely. He says she deserves to be with a good person. A hint of a possible relationship with them.
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don’t know if anyone is still out there for pairing. I was busy on a writing deadline for something else. This is a very abbreviated synopsis. My email is seritadstevens@gmail.com
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for producer interview
Title: Transplant
Genre: Medical Political Thriller
Logline: A nurse goes undercover to expose illegal Chinese organ transplants only to be in danger of becoming one of the unwilling organ donors herself.
Synopsis: Debra Roth RN takes a job at an out of the way hospital after being offered the job by a former classmate and realizes that many of the transplant patients are going to China. As she begins to ask questions, she finds that one of the Chinese nurses ends up murdered and she is one of the suspects because they had recently argued.
Learning that the Chinese are using political prisoners and taking their organs while they still live, Debra decides to help expose it.
When she’s asked to go to China to help with one of the richer patients, she agrees thinking she will get some first hand evidence but doesn’t realize that they have marked her as a liver donor for this patient.
As they capture her and drug her, she has to find a way to escape and bring the pictures she has taken back to America.
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Genre: True Historical Family Drama
Title: In His Name
Concept: A family fights for survival during the 1190 massacre of the Jews in York, England. A naïve daughter refuses to listen to her book-learned younger sister and is seduced by the Baron’s son who wishes to humiliate the Jews and not pay back the debt owed. Along with a local monk, they plan to eliminate the
Hebrews and burn the debts, but when the naïve daughter learns what is happening, she distracts the mob so her sister can escape while she joins the others in death.
Audience: Men and Women over 25 who like history and have an interest in Jewish history.
Budget: High because of the costumes and the elegant homes of the nobility, but can be filmed in York, England – parts of it still look medieval. Cost also because of the fire at Clifford’s Tower that took the lives of many.
Lead Characters/journeys/arcs: Rachel – the oldest naïve daughter who thinks of castles and fairy tales and despite being engaged to another, allows herself to be seduced by the Baron’s son. She must come to terms with what has happened and fight her way to the tower to distract the mob and save her sister.
Tzipporah – she loves learning and helping others, but is also in love with her sister’s finance. She tries to warn her sister who says she is paranoid. When her sister departs, Tzipporah weds the man formerly engaged to Rachel and learns that love is based more on action than on physical beauty. With her sister’s help, she and her husband are the lone survivors.
Baron Malabestia – Angry that the Jews will not give him money so that his son can go on Richard’s 2<sup>nd</sup> crusade and believes he does not have to pay them back. With his cousin, a Premonestarian monk, he plots to both humiliate the moneylenders and be rid of them.
Simon –youngest son of Baron Malabestia – is pressured by his father to romance and seduce Rachel, wed her and then force her conversion. At first, he refuses but then he realizes he has no choice as his father controls the purse.
Brother Martin – a hermit monk who hates that he’s had a reaction to Rachel and calls her a devil. He plots with his cousin the Baron to destroy the Jews in York.
Isaac the Moneylender – he’s fled Durham when the mob killed his wife, and settled in York hoping for peace but is disturbed when his older daughter weds out and he refuses to have more to do with her until she arrives to save her sister. Among the other Jews, he recommits himself to the Lord as all take their own lives at Clifford’s Tower.
Opening – Isaac has told the Bishop of Durham that he must repay before Isaac can loan him more for the coming crusade and the Bishop plans to use the myth that the Jews use children’s blood for their Passover matza to have the mob destroy Isaac. Isaac escapes but his wife is murdered.
Ending – Rachel is welcomed back to her family as she delays the mob for her sister to escape and the Jews of York do a Masada-like mass death so the Baron will not have what he wishes. King Richard fines the Baron even as Tzipporah and her husband tell the events of that night.
How could this be improved…since I have made it more of a family drama between the two sisters, I think it will be more attractive to the general public and not just to Jewish patrons.
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open to feedback seritadstevens@gmail.com
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Transplant outline
By Serita Stevens
Genre: Political Thriller
Logline: A nurse goes undercover to expose illegal Chinese organ transplants only to be in danger of becoming one of the unwilling organ donors herself.
Chinese secret police raid a home of Falun Dafa worshipers, grab the family as political prisoners. A teen boy hides in the closet and escapes notice.
Debra Roth, an RN, attends the funeral of JANELLE FENTON’S mother. Janelle is a school friend of Debra and believes her mom died under suspicious circumstances. When she learns that Debra is taking an internship at CBS with Edward Osborne, the health reporter, she asks if maybe she can investigate. Deb says she’ll try.
Janelle teases her about being afraid of the dark and choosing the wrong men. Then she says she saw Deb’s ex with another woman. Deb tries to shrug it off but you know she’s affected.
Starting her new role with Ed she asks him if an investigation is possible. At first, he says no since she’s not experienced in reporting or undercover work, but then another death is reported at this hospital an hour from Chicago. The heads agree to let her go but warn her to be careful. They need enough proof to run a story. She thinks she can handle it because of all the mystery and spy stories she’s read. Life is not like fiction They warn her.
Debra gets a job at this hospital- which means she has to drive an hour to get there for 7a shift. Ugh Deb complains to her friend but if she finds a way to save people it’s worth it.
At the hospital she’s introduced to staff and learns that some of the colon cancer patients are getting high colonies to clean them out. She is taking notes and when asked why she says she just wants to learn.
At the orientation with two other new employees, she meets the two main doctors, suave , arrogant Dr. Alan Barr and a quiet Chinese man, Dr. George Chu as well as nurse Sandy Li who works with patients on the transplant list.
Debra is assigned to several patients and sits down to read their charts. She jots notes and again is asked why. I want to know my patients. She feels them watching her at the hospital, so she has to be careful.
After a few days, they seem to have accepted her and she becomes friendly with Sandy Li. . then Debra is caught in medical records reading charts. Again, she says she is trying to get to know her patients but this is not something most nurses do.
At home, she has the sense she is being watched. Her cat goes missing. As she is searching for him, she sees a car that looks just like Dr. Chu’s Mercedes.
Calls coming in but no one is there.
Back at the hospital, she asks him if he was in her neighborhood and he denies it but the administrator asks why she lives so far. She says once she believes she’ll be staying at this job she’ll move closer to the hospital. The administration wants to start work in the transplant area. She agrees.
And looking at her patient list, she wonders why so many incoming patients have had their transplants in China and are recovering here? She’s assigned to three patients include one DONALD PECK. He’s been waiting for a liver transplant and so far two of the lists have rejected him because of his age. He’s wealthy and says he can pay what they need. No one really likes him. The hospital says they are searching for the proper donor for him.
As she comes out of work, she finds her tires have been slashed. Who could have done it? Police say just some kids in the area but Debra and her boss at CBS wonder. They ask her to stop her investigation before something happens since maybe she is being warned away.
Her tires are replaced, and she drives home. The bosses at the station are worried.
Janelle calls her and asks if she found out anything about her mom. Debra hasn’t had a moment to look at the mother’s chart, but she promises she will.
In a meeting at the station, she talks to her bosses, who think that maybe she should back down. Debra doesn’t want to. She thinks there’s something going on with the transplant situation. This is not a regulation approved transplant hospital.
She’s concerned about the patient they gave her being rejected so many times and believing that he will still find a transplant. In fact, many of the patients here were rejected from the regular transplant list.
The station boss is reluctant to but finally tells her she can check it out if she’s careful.
At work, she talks to Donald and he’s confident. He’s been told he will have a match soon. He’s willing to pay whatever it takes. She says they don’t judge on money but on if you have the ability to follow the diet and medications and what your life will be like after. From what she’s read about him, he was a party animal and ignored many of his doctor’s recommendations.
Having coffee at her break, Dr. Chu sits down with her. She asks him why several have had their transplants done in China. He tells her it’s a money maker for them. They use political prisoners. She wants to know more but he shakes his head and says that she doesn’t need to know. He tells her that she’s not cut out for this type of work. He suggests she go elsewhere.
She asks why so many patients are arriving here after a Chinese transplant. He won’t answer.
On the floor Sandy gives her grief for not understanding the various medications used for transplants. She asks how the hospital got approved. “What makes you think they were approved?”
As she’s leaving, she overhears an argument between Dr. Barr and Dr. Chu saying something about the transplant patients not coming as they should but she’s not sure who is talking. As she steps closer someone rounds the corner. She has to step away.
The administrator sees her and confronts her. Asks her if she can work another shift.
Her ex calls her when she’s home and Debra doesn’t want to talk to him, but he says he needs to tell her something. She thinks he’s going to verbally abuse her again and so she hangs up.
Debra feels like she’s being watched but she doesn’t see any signs of it. She’s on the way to work the next morning when at 5:30am a car traveling the wrong way on the almost empty freeway crashes into her. Debra’s taken by ambulance to the hospital as her car is towed.
Dr. Barr greets her at the ER with flowers. He’s so glad that she wasn’t injured and he’s anxious for her to return to work. He’s arranged for her to have a car while hers is being repaired. She protests that her insurance will take care of it. He says he wants to help her in any way he can.
He insists on taking her back home. Making her soup, etc and tucking her in bed. They talk and it seems they have a lot in common.
Two days later, she’s back at the hospital after assuring the station that she can handle this. Her ex has called again and says that he needs to talk to her about her friends. She thinks it’s the usual abuse stuff and does not call him back.
Working back at the transplant unit, she takes care of Donald and Sandy indicates that she has to talk to her. Debra thinks she has to discuss her performance. She’ll meet Sandy in the nursing lounge after her shift. Donald says that he is going to China and asks if she can be his nurse and come with him. She’s not sure but she says she’ll think about it.
Barr invites her to dinner and she’s hesitant but accepts. He says he wants to see how she’s doing. Rather than have him pick her up, she says she will meet him at the restaurant.
Meanwhile she’s taking her notes and going into medical records tries to find the information on her friend’s mom. Dr. Chu finds her in there and tells her this is not the place she should be. “You’re not cut out for this type of work.”
She ignores his words and wonders if he is part of the Chinese group doing the illegal transplants. She asks her friends at the station to see what they can dig up on him.
Going to the nursing lounge to meet Sandy, she finds the other nurse is not there. Debra waits fifteen minutes and then writes a note that she will talk to her tomorrow.
Leaving the hospital, she passes Dr. Chu’s office and hears him yelling at someone on the phone but it’s impossible to hear what he’s saying because he’s speaking Chinese. She waits until he leaves and sneaks into his office.
In Dr. Chu’s office, she finds a Buddha hidden in a corner behind a drape but nothing else that tells her anything. A ceremonial knife lies in his drawer and a list of the transplant patients coming in on his desk with several x’d through.
Getting ready for her dinner, she has several hang up calls with no one there. Then a whispered call from Sandy (supposedly) saying that she must talk to her! Asks Debra to meet her at the Water Tower.
Her contact at the station tells her that Chu was an excellent student in the transplant fellowship at Harvard. Now, Debra is sure that he’s part of these illegal transplants.
Debra goes to the Water Tower but after waiting ten minutes, Sandy has not shown so she has to go to the restaurant.
Dr. Barr is charming at a fancy restaurant. She’s surprised that he could get reservations so quickly. It’s a wonder what money will buy. He tells Debra how unique she is and how much he likes her. He presses her if she will go with the patient to China. He’s sure it will help Donald’s morale. Debra gives a hesitant yes.
He takes her back to his elegant Glencoe home near the lake, and he kisses her. She begins to feel a bit lightheaded and he suggests she lay down. He lays next to her and they end up making love.
Debra tells Janelle about her romance. Janelle says that Barr could be a keeper. But Debra wonders – I’ve never had luck with men. Always choosing the wrong one. How do I know? Janelle presses her to let go of her fears.
The station boss isn’t sure that going to China is a good idea but she thinks that is how she will get the information to expose them for the story. Is she sure? She says that she is.
Sandy’s not at work the next day which surprises Debra as she and the other nurse take care of the five patients on this unit.
But when she goes into the storage closet…she finds Sandy’s body! Who killed the nurse and why? She sees a ceremonial knife next to the body and it’s like the one she saw in Chu’s office.
What was Sandy going to tell Debra? Did it relate to the patients or her work there or what? The police say they will investigate and question her about when she last saw Sandy. Is she suspect? The station says they will get her an attorney if needed.
Preparations are being made for Donald to go to China. They are pressing her for her answer.
Once again, her ex tries to contact her and Debra yells at him that she is not worthless as he had when he tried to gaslight her into believing.
Her friend calls to ask what she has found out about her mom’s death and Debra has to tell her that she went to med records once but was sent away and she will try to look again when she can. Janelle presses her to continue her search.
She finds the record of Janelle’s mom but can see nothing unusual in it. She doesn’t understand why her friend thinks something suspicious with her mom’s death.
She tells her station that she is sure Dr. Chu is one of the people involved with the transplants and they have to look further into him. Again, they ask if she is sure she wants to go to China. She says yes. She wants to catch Dr. Chu in the act.
Dr. Barr continues to romance her and even brings her flowers. She loves the attention, but something seems off and she’s not sure what it is.
On the plane to China, Donald tells her how much he appreciates her coming with him and giving of her time. He says that she will be well rewarded for her efforts.
She settles Donald in at the transplant hospital and is amazed at how massive and modern it is. As she’s putting his things away, she sees a picture of Donald with Janelle. She takes a deep breath and asks him. He admits that Janelle is his niece and had suggested that she would be a good nurse to take care of him. Oh really? Has her school friend betrayed her?
Instead of putting her up at a hotel, they have a suite for her at the hospital. They say so that she can be near her patient if he needs her. As she is eating the dinner, they’ve brought up for her there’s a knock at her door.
It’s Dr. Barr. He says he’s come to check on her, but then he surprises her by injecting her with a sedative.
Debra’s body is carried out to a regular hospital room where unconscious she’s hooked up to IV’s, etc.
She wakes to find Dr. Barr sitting at her bedside who assures her that everything is going according to plan. He tells her how much he enjoyed being with her.
What plan? Why the plan for her to donate her liver to Donald. She’s the perfect match. When she had the accident that they arranged, her blood was tested to verify that, but he was already positive from what Janelle had told him. He’s sorry that he had to do this, but they had a wonderful time together, didn’t they? As head of the transplant operation in his area, he had an obligation to the patients and of course, to his pocketbook. And of course, they couldn’t let her spill their story.
What is she promises not to give the station the story?
No, too late. They need her liver.
Debra tries to get up, but she’s strapped to the bed and can barely move.
He pats her hand and tells it won’t be long now. She asks if he’s the one who killed Sandy and what Sandy was going to tell her.
Barr imagines that Sandy planned to warn her to leave. Now she learns that Sandy and Chu are cousins having both escaped from China and both being practitioners of the religion that China disapproved of. Barr found out that they had been trying to prevent the transplants from going through and he couldn’t allow that. He says he’ll make it as painless as possible for her.
She flashes on the statue hidden in Chu’s office. So, she had been wrong about him.
Again, she tries to escape but it seems impossible. At least let me call my parents to say goodbye.
He gives her the phone and she calls the station and in code tries to tell them that she’s in danger. Barr senses something and grabs the phone from her. Then she says she has to talk to Donald, her patient.
Donald is rolled into her room on a gurney. Debra asks if he really goes along with killing innocent people for his benefit. He says he really wants to live. He has so much he wants to do. And she doesn’t? He looks away and says Janelle said that she wouldn’t mind.
Well, she minds very much. She has her whole life ahead of her and he’s 75. He’s lived a good life already.
He says he needs to survive. He has a lot to do. He’s taken back to his room.
She watches the clock and begins to cry when a new doctor wearing scrubs comes in…it’s Chu!
He puts his finger to his lips as he loosens her bonds and gives her a shirt and pants to put on. He’s going to help her escape. He tells her that he talked to her people at the station and they funded the plane that they will use.
As they get to the end of the hospital complex, the warning sounds. Chu hides and tries to take Debra into the side room, but she’s too slow from the meds they’ve given her.
She’s recaptured and it looks like this is end for her…but then Donald changes his mind and rejects her as donor. He says he will wait and insists that Debra be allowed to leave.
His niece (her friend) appears and yells at her uncle. How could he do this after all she worked so hard to get Debra here?
The Chinese police take a screaming Dr. Barr away.
Once they disappear, Chu grabs her and they run for the car he commanded.
In the air, she thanks him profusely. He says she deserves to be with a good person. A hint of a possible relationship with them.
The station puts on a news report of the Chinese illegal transplants. Her ex greets her at the airport. He’s glad she’s safe. Did she know about Janelle? He had been trying to tell her that Janelle had been asking about her and he knew that Janelle was Donald’s niece. He asks her if they can try again.
She looks to Chu and then shakes her head.
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INT FAMILY HOME OF FALUN DAFA WORSHIPERS – NIGHT
The door bursts open and CSP storm in to grab the mother and father
Mystery – what is happening here?
Why are they taking these people?
Who is the boy that escapes?
Int. FUNERAL HOME – AFTERNOON
Who is Debra? How does she know Janelle.
Why is Janelle asking her to investigate
Will Debra be able to do this?
Why is Janelle bringing up Debra’s ex?
How does she know about Debra’s fears?
INT. NEWS STATION
Why are they letting her investigate?
What will happen if she fails?
Do they really think she can do it?
INT. HELPING HANDS HOSPITAL -DAY
Who are the new staff and what do they know about Janelle’s mother’s death?
Is Dr. Chu in charge of the transplants? After all, he is from China.
Why is Sandy against her?
What makes them suspect Debra’s motives there?
Will they do anything to stop her?
INT. HOSPITAL ORIENTATION –
Why is Dr. Barr so friendly to her?
Who is watching her and what do they suspect?
What will they do to her?
INT. MEDICAL RECORDS
What is she looking for there?
Why is Sandy angry with her?
Why does Sandy warn her away?
Will she be able to find what she needs there?
INT. DEB HOME
What makes her think she is being watched?
Who’s making these calls.
Where is her cat?
Was that Dr. Chu’s car and why would he be following her?
INT. HOSPITAL
Why are they transferring her?
Why does Dr. Chu deny he was in her area? What was he seeking?
Why does the administration want her to move closer to the hospital?
Why do they assign her to this rich old man whom everyone dislikes?
Who is Donald Peck and will he get his transplant order?
Why has the transplant team rejected him?
They want her to go to China with him as a support nurse.
Sandy says she needs to talk to her but isn’t there when Debra arrives.
Coming out of work, she finds her tires slashed.
Police say it’s just kids but she thinks something else.
INT. DEB HOME
Ex calls and says he needs to talk to her but she refuses. Says he’s not going to gaslight her like he did before.
INT. HOSPITAL –
Sandy found dead. Who did it?
Why do they suspect Debra.
The station says they will get her an attorney.
Ext. ON WAY HOME –
A car comes at Debra – driving the wrong way!
Debra’s taken to hospital. Is she injured?
Was it really an accident?
INT. ER
Why does Dr. Barr come with flowers for her?
Why is he so concerned about her?
He asks when she’s returning to work
He takes her home and says that he will take care of her.
She’s swept into his romance.
INT DEBRA HOME
Friend encourages this romance , says that Barr might be a keeper.
She always chose the wrong men. Can she be sure?
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Misdirection = she thinks Chu is the villain and that Sandy is working with him when actually they are trying to stop the situation.
Thinks Janelle is her friend when actually she set her up.
Thinks her ex wants to harangue her when he wants to warn her.
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Clues
Mystery – Who is in charge of the illegal transplants?
She hears Sandy and George talking
Finds George’s Harvard transcripts as an intern in the Transplant program
She learns that Alan and George were friends in the residency program
Who is warning her off the case and why?
Her locker is broken into
Mysterious calls
Her tires are slashed
How much does the patient know and will he go along with the plan?
She finds a photo of the patient and her friend in his drawer
Pt says the will pay her handsomely to go with him to China.
Pt says he’s afraid of death and really wants to live.
Why do they insist she go to China with him?
Accident is arranged and her blood for DNA testing
Pt has been on list for a while and been rejected.
Who can she trust?
Alan is distant at first but then becomes romantic to her. Tells her that she must trust hjim.
She tries to talk to Sandy but then Sandy is murdered.
She realizes her friend who sent her to the hospital it the patient’s niece.
Her home is searched.
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Red Herring — Dr. Chu – not trusted but should be. She doesn’t trust him because he went to Harvard and studied the Transplant method and is from China.
Villain – Dr. Brock – hero trusts him but shouldn’t be. He’s romancing her but he is head of the illegal transplants. He later looks the other way when she’s escaping because of his feelings have developed for her.
Nurse Li – hero isn’t sure she can trust her but when she does she finds her murdered before she can talk.
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Direction: Debra thinks she is going to the hospital to investigate alternative cures not working
Twist: finds out about the illegal organ transplants and convinces her bosses to let her follow that
Direction: Her patient can’t find a good liver match.
Twist: After a manufacturer car crash they take Debra’s blood and find her DNA is a perfect match and will not try to get her liver – i.e. kill her
Direction: Dr. Chu tries to warn her to stay away from the hospital.
Twist: A plan is made to use Debra.
Direction: one of the nurses is about to talk to Debra
Twist: She’s found dead.
Direction: They want Debra to go with the pt to China
Twist: That is where they plan to kill her and take her liver.
Direction: She thinks Dr. Chu is involved with the transplants
Twist once in China she finds out Dr. Brock, who has been romancing her, is the real head.
Direction: They are ready to go into surgery for the patient
Twist: He rejects Debra as the organ donor…and gives up his life for her.
Direction: She thinks Dr. Chu is back in the states.
Twist: he organizes her rescue.
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Thriller Plot
Opening – Members of the Fung Go group forced out of their home and into a strange room
What is happening with them? Why are they crying?
Inciting incident – Debra attends her friend’s mom’s funeral. Finds out that mom had been treated at a hospital specializing the alternative cures and they claimed her cancer was getting better but then suddenly she died. Friend asks Debra, as nurse, if she can get the medical records and find out. Debra says that since she wants to be a medical reporter and is taking a job as an intern at CBS, she’ll do what she can.
Turning Point 1 -Debra convinces her bosses to let her go undercover to this hospital and see what’s going on. They hire her and seem to accept her. But then she feels herself being watched. She’s getting notes on one patient when she learns that many of the patients here are going for organ transplants.
One of her patients desperately needs a liver transplant and the waiting list is long.
Dr. Chu is secretive and she wonders if he is behind the Chinese illegal organs.
She’s warned away from the hospital. Her car is rammed and at the hospital, her blood is taken.
Suddenly, the doctors and administrators decide to keep her on.
Midpoint – She goes to talk to the nurse who said she had to meet with her and finds her dead. She is asked to go to China with her patient and hesitates but then gets permission from the news desk.
Turning point 2 In China she realizes that she’s been chosen to give her liver to the patient that she brought over! They are trying to kill her.
Climax – the patient prepares for surgery but Dr. Chu then comes to her rescue along with the news department
Resolution – She escapes and Dr. Brock is taken instead!
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My credibility is –
I’ve had several recommends and understand genre and business decisions,
Won many awards and reached semi finals in a number of places. Many things optioned but always at the last minute something happens -funding or whatever and the project falls out.
Have done some private writing assignments as a ghostwriter but none for major producers.
Credits show up on my IMBD list
I have a manager, but not connected really with a star thou Sydney Sweeney did appear in her one of her first films in my short – Unborn Witness when she was 13.
Yes Google does show me as an author and screenwriter.
Published 30 plus books – novels and nonfiction,
Worked with agencies, won film awards,
Masters in Writing from Antioch, studied in London – did my student teaching at Oxford, researched some of my historicals at the British Museum Reading room
Two shorts produced.
Lack –probably have to fix my linked in better. Not really sure how to do it. Or how to approach and find producers on Linked in. But I do know and am friends with a lot of execs
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I’m Serita Stevens, an award-winning writer of numerous published books, optioned scripts and adaptations and a forensic nurse. I’ve written TV as well. Have written 15 features, and five hour pilots, and two half hour — several have been optioned. As a forensic nurse, I help many other writers with their medical, forensic and poison questions. Am happy to help you if you have questions.
I consider my expertise to be Thriller, Mystery, Romance and Historicals.
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agree
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My red herring –
The big secret the villain is covering up is that he is in charge of the illegal transplants in this part of US but he’s making it seem as if Dr. Chu who studied transplant medicine at Harvard. He’s been tricking her and romancing Debra to get her over to China so that they can take her liver for the patient she’s arriving with and who needs it as the perfect match.
He covers the secret with planting clues about Chu’s past. Hinting that Chu has other allies here in the states that will help with the transplants. Falsifying Chu’s medical fellowship records. He pretends to be part of the Fung Gung religion that China is trying to suppress and the members that are being politically arrested and killed and having their organs taken.
The heroine goes to the hospital thinking that she is going to expose alternative cure for cancer and finds out that this is a transplant center and convinces her boss at CBS to let her go after it and expose it. She begins to explore things about the religion that China wants to eliminate and starts to realize that things are not what Dr. Brock is saying.
Debra sees Chu going to the Chinese embassy and is sure that means he’s guilty.
One of the nurses who had been working with Chu now disappears just as she is about to talk to Debra.
Patients return from China having had their transplants and Chu is taking care of them, worried something is wrong with their medical care.
She hears an argument between the two men and mistakes it to thinking that Chu is at fault.
The nurse who died was Chu’s girlfriend and maybe she died because she was going to tell Debra things.
Chu is the red herring. Brock is the one who is really in charge. Chu seems the most likely as he has the background. He doesn’t know that Debra is being groomed to be a victim.
Brock gets the additional advantage of getting Debra out of the way and getting the news station off his back if she disappears in China.
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My Villain’s Great plan –
The Villain’s goal -to make tons of money and live the high life. He has no concern for others but does care about the patients that he is dealing with – as long as they are paying him big bucks.
He accomplishes things in a devious way by encouraging the patients to get foreign transplants and not telling the patients where the organs come from or how they are obtained. Ignorance is bliss he believes. And says that they are more concerned about their own survival than that of anyone else so he feels they will not care where organs are from.
He really makes no effort to cover it up until Debra starts investigating.
He tries to romance her and makes her think that Dr. Chu is the one arranging for the Chinese transplants and makes her feel that Dr. Chu is the villain.
Debra won’t discover his betrayal until they are over in China and she is trapped and they are trying to kill her and take her liver to transplant to the patient that she has brought with to China.
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took a while to complete the analysis of Silence of the Lambs but I saw how the suspense increased with each scene and the distraction from one place to another which increased the tension.
the form did not go through the whole number of scenes but stopped at 36 but I continues to jot notes as I went on. I don’t think it’s necessary for me to put the whole 17 pages that I wrote out here.
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LESSON THREE
Concept – China is profiting by killing innocent people for their organs and transplanting them to Western patients who need it for high fees but with an urgency that many are requesting.
Big mystery of the story – Deborah – our nurse/reporter heroine – who really wants to work for CBS – will she find out who is engineering the transplants here, will she become a victim herself? Or will she get the story she wants to move her career along?
Intrigue – Dr. Andrew Chu one of the main docs at this alternate hospital she has been asked to investigate – is romancing her, but is really one of the docs in control of the illegal organs. Will she find out in time before she’s herself a victim?
Suspense – Her DNA matches that of one of the patients. She’s convinced to go to China with him as his nurse not knowing that it is her liver they want. Will the patient agree to murdering her (will he even know about it) or will he back down at the last minute and will they escape?
Intriguing World is that of the illegal transplant game, the doctors and nurses who participate in this scheme and those that back down at the risk of their own lives.
Characters –
Heroine -Deborah Roth, RN -wanna be journalist doing an internship for CBS
Mystery – How does she find out about the illegal transplants when she’s gone there for exposing the alternative “cures” that her friend had died of?
Intrigue – Does she fall for Dr. Chu’s charms and learn about the situation in China
Suspense – Does she become a victim herself of the illegal transplants or does the patient save her in the end?
Villain -Dr. Andrew Chu – studied here at Harvard with the transplant team and has aligned himself with the illegal organ trade in China acting as conduit here.
Mystery – How much does he really know and does he plan to murder Deborah himself?
Intrigue – Can he get Deborah to fall for his charms and bring her over to China with him?
Suspense – Will he succeed in capturing and killing her for the organ trade profit?
Red Herring – Dr. Greg Brock –
How much does he know about the illegal organ trade? Does he suspect what is happening and how much does he participate himself?
Will he help or hinder Deborah’s investigation? Will he participate in capturing her?
Will he convince the patient to let her go before it’s too late?
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LESSON TWO =
Unwitting but resourceful heroine -Nurse/journalist who takes the position thinking she is working for the news department to find out about alternative cures and then finds out about the transplants and convinces her boss to let her follow up.
Dangerous villains – the Chinese and the doctor who suspects her and is romancing her and has already tested her DNA to see that she is a perfect match for one of the patients who needs a transplant.
High stakes – will the patient accept the transplant meaning it will kill the heroine?
Life and death – how they are using political prisoners to steal their organs. And can she escape along with the patient that she has brought along.
The big mystery in my story – who is arranging and benefiting by these illegal transplants…and how do we stop them if we can.
The big Intrigue – Heroine goes to the hospital to see the alternative cure that they convince people to try instead of traditional cancer treatments and then she learns about the transplants. The doctor who is “romancing” our heroine – is he for real or is he involved with the Chinese transplant workers? Someone is encouraging patients to go over to China and use the illegal organs taken from live political prisoners that they kill for the organs. Who is heading it here at this hospital?
Big suspense: Doctor convinces her to go over with the patient to Beijing and help him, when in reality, they have tested her DNA and believe she is the best organ donation for him and plan to kill her there and use her body parts. Who is this doctor and why is he after her? Will the patient betray her and agree to take her liver that he needs, which means seeing her dead, or will he save her in the end and give up his chance at this life-saving transplant. How do they escape?
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Movie seen – Knock at the Cabin Door
The unwitting heroes are the two men and their daughter.
Dangerous villain – the four who come into the cabin unwanted.
High stakes – the world will be destroyed.
Life and death – one of the three must willingly die.
This movie is thrilling because you don’t know if what the people say is true or if this is a planned thing, or if the three will escape or if one of them will die.
Big mystery- Is what Leo says a hoax or real?
Big intrigue – who are these people really?
Big suspense- who will die
It was a contained movie, they were in an isolated area, so there was no one else to help them. The little girl was a great actress.
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Serita Stevens, I agree to the terms of this release form.
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An award-winning writer of numerous books, and optioned scripts/adaptations, I am also a forensic nurse and help others with their medical, forensic, and poison questions. I have a forensic nurse series that has been optioned several times – but the showrunners chosen did not have me go in with them and did not understand what we as forensic nurses do so couldn’t wow the execs. So I keep on pitching.
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I’m Serita Stevens, an award-winning writer of over 40 published books and many optioned scripts but always looking to learn and improve. I’m also a forensic nurse with a TV series that has been optioned. If you have any medical, forensic or poison questions, I am always happy to help answer. You can see more about me at IMDB Serita D Stevens or http://www.seritastevens.com
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I Agree to the terms of this release form. As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
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I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
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4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
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