[Shannon Phipps]

Assignment 2:

What I learned: I realized I was confusing the core story with a minor thread. This exercise helped me to refocus the story. I’m so glad I did this assignment!

Title: The Faithful One

*NEW* Logline: A newly widowed woman travels with her ailing mother-in-law from her home in urban India to rural Kansas and proves herself faithful as they build a new life together.

Opening: Amana stares at her life in boxes in her home in India. She remembers the life she had but is interrupted by a phone alert that brings her back to reality. She has a plane to catch.

Inciting Incident: Amana and Naomi travel to the U.S. where they are detained over a customs issue. Amana remembers her commitment to care for her mother-in-law as they wait to learn their fate, will they get to stay in the U.S. or be deported?

By page 10, the movie is about: Amana keeping her word and beginning a new life in the U.S. with Oscar.

First Turning Point: Naomi’s old building could be a new start for her and Amana if they can pay the back taxes on it. Amana gets a job with a family friend of Naomi’s. Naomi begins trying to get the money to pay the tax bill.

Mid-Point: Amana is promoted and begins a friendship with her boss, Oscar. Naomi begins to envision her new life and is, for the first time, hopeful. She begins to look for financial help.

Second turning point at end of Act 2: Naomi has exhausted all options to come up with the money to pay the taxes. Amana has fallen in love with Oscar. She thinks she will lose her job during the slow season.

Crisis: The deadline is here and there’s no money for the taxes. Naomi tells Amana to ask Oscar for the taxes, something Amana is not eager to do.

Climax: Amana asks Oscar for help with the taxes.

Resolution: Oscar agrees to help Amana and Naomi because he loves them both. When his brother cannot help without backing out of a deal and losing his earnest money, Oscar pays the taxes.

PART 2:

Opening: Amana stares at her life in boxes in her home in India. She remembers the life she had but is interrupted by a phone alert that brings her back to reality. She has a plane to catch.

Inciting Incident: Amana and Naomi travel to the U.S. where they are detained over a customs issue. Amana remembers her commitment to care for her mother-in-law as they wait to learn their fate, will they get to stay in the U.S. or be deported?

By page 10, the movie is about: Amana keeping her word and beginning a new life in the U.S. <s>with Oscar</s>.

First Turning Point: Naomi’s old building could be a new start for her and Amana if they can pay the back taxes on it. Amana gets a job with a family friend of Naomi’s. Naomi begins trying to get the money to pay the tax bill.

Mid-Point: Amana is promoted and begins a friendship with her boss, Oscar. Naomi begins to envision her new life and is, for the first time, hopeful. Naomi begins to look for financial help.

Second turning point at end of Act 2: Naomi has exhausted all options to come up with the money to pay the taxes. Amana has fallen in love with Oscar. As she gets closer to Oscar she moves away from Naomi.

Crisis: The deadline is here and there’s no money for the taxes.<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> <font face=”inherit”>Naomi tells Amana to ask Oscar for the tax money, a favor Amana is not eager to do. She’s not sure she wants to ask him as it may put </font>her<font face=”inherit”> relationship with Oscar in jeopardy. </font>Maybe he will think she’s only after his money.<font face=”inherit”> She must choose between her love for Oscar and her commitment to Naomi. </font><b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>(CHANGE: This change takes us back to the theme of faithfulness and refocuses the story on Amana and Naomi instead of Amana and Oscar.)

Climax: Amana asks Oscar for help with the taxes.

Resolution: Oscar agrees to help Amana and Naomi but asks his brother first. When his brother cannot help without backing out of a deal and losing his earnest money, Oscar pays the taxes and reveals his love and respect for Amana.

[Shannon Phipps]

Shannon Phipps

I agree to the following release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Shannon Phipps]

What I learned: I may have too many details that are unnecessary in my story.

The Faithful One

Logline: A newly widowed India woman travels with her mother-in-law to her rural hometown in Kansas where she meets a wounded man who proves to be the love of her life.

When a tragic accident in India claims two brother’s lives, their wives are left to care for their mother-in-law, Naomi. Finding no reason to remain in a foreign country, Naomi decides to move back to her rural hometown in Kansas. One daughter-in-law, Amana, a structural designer, insists on traveling with her back home. When Naomi objects, Amana vows not just to travel home with her but also to care for Naomi always.

Back in Kansas, Naomi meets with Ben, the executor of her family trust, who informs her that her late husband retained a building they owned in which her bakery business was housed before they moved to India. She is told that the building is still hers…if she pays the back taxes before the government auctions it.

Ben talks with Oscar and Jay, Naomi’s best friend’s sons, about her situation. When Oscar offers to help, Jay takes great offense and forbids Oscar from getting involved. As the older brother, Jay agrees to help Naomi if and when she needs it.

Amana gets a labor job with a house rehab company, a leap down from her artistic office job in Bangalore. The owner of the small company is Oscar. He discovers Amana’s talent and moves her to a position working with him in the planning stage of new projects. The two build a friendship as they learn that they share interests and life experiences.

Jay and Oscar, both in construction, bid on a large-scale project coming to town. Against Oscar’s advice, Jay wins the bid and must leverage everything he owns in order to meet the terms in the agreement.

As Naomi’s efforts to ascertain funds for the taxes are fruitless, Ben assures her that Oscar and Jay will help, an option she would like to avoid in hopes of retaining her dignity in the small community. When it’s clear that Naomi is out of options, she finally asks Ruth to go to Jay and Oscar for help.

As expected, Jay is unable to help Naomi. Oscar, having fallen in love with Amana, is more than happy to pay the taxes. He offers Amana two options; either sign a business agreement giving him a very small stake in the bakery they plan to reopen or marry him. Amana accepts the ring he presents before he can finish his question: Will you marry me?

[Shannon Phipps]

Hello all! I’m Shannon Phipps.

I’ve written four feature scripts, four web series with 8+ episodes each, three pilots, and two show bibles. I also wrote a ton of completely horrid scripts that I pretend I never wrote so that I can face the blank page without shame.

I hope to complete a better feature draft of which I’ve written four drafts, and it’s still not ready. Ugh! I need help figuring out how to solve some problems in the script and hope this course will give me the skills to do it or at least improve skills other than my other avoidance tactics including, but not limited to, spice rack organizing, behind the refrigerator dusting, and water bottle palm balancing.

I was teased and tortured (not literally) by my twin brother for the first 20+ years of my life which is why comedy is my favorite thing to write…and what I’m best at writing. (This bio is not a great example, so don’t judge!!)

I look forward to working through this course with each of you.

[Shannon Phipps]

Hi Ann!

This is an interesting project and a different take on a romantic story.

I think you have more of a treatment here than a one sheet. Can you whittle down the story even further so that you really only tell the story at a high level? If so, I think you will get a better response to the project.

Looking forward to reading more!

Shannon

[Shannon Phipps]

Hi Michael! What a great story. I can see it play out in my mind. You have a lot of potential to create both funny and heartwarming scenes.

You may want to add something that hints at the fact that the ‘fake’ reading actually comes to fruition. That aspect is a great part of the story.

I was a little confused about who was who in the one sheet. I think Chase is the one she gives a fake reading to at the beginning, correct? If so, put his name in that line for clarification.

Looking forward to reading more on this story.

Shannon

[Shannon Phipps]

Hi Frank. Would you like to partner up for this class?

Shannon Phipps