Sharilyn Kyle
Forum Replies Created
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Sharilyn Finished Wordsmithing!
What I learned doing this assignment is…wordsmithing is about more than the words on the page. It’s how they relate to other phrases. How they sound coming from me acting as the characters and as the narrator. How they feel as I pronounce, enunciate, emphasize, dictate. I learned that this is probably the hardest part of writing the script because I thought I was “done,” then the real work began. I still think it needs work, but at least now I know how to finesse it.
The most interesting edits and improvements I made to the script was when I read only the description lines. Taped myself. Then tested only these lines to “see” if I understood the story without dialogue. Also, to hear if the story flowed. I could hear the clunky phrasing. I discovered a lot of empty images. I found that “less is best.” Without the flowery language, the scenes come alive. But only if I do that Lesson12-14 stuff.
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Sharilyn Has Amazing Description!
What I learned doing this assignment is…You can’t assume that the flow of dialogue/description is working because it sounds right in your head. You have to inspect every line with a fine-tooth comb to get the kinks out. And there are mucho kinks!!
ASK: “Can this line be improved with any of these Description Techniques?”
TEASER : Character Intro—As the protagonist, Erin’s intro was, “Eh,” at best. Like, so what she binge eats alone in her house and wants a different life? From what I had written before, I didn’t get anything from her. Now, besides being fat, I see that she’s pretty, latin, probably tan. In her small, contained world, her appearance/culture matters. The way she eats goes far beyond the plate in front of her. I wanna know the why behind her weight? Below is a revised short sample of her intro.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE/BEDROOM – NIGHT
Mounds of flesh ooze from the neck down of pretty-for-a-fat-girl, ERIN STODERMANN (20s), as she eats everything around her. Pizza, fajitas, fries, taquitos, chicken tenders, a cheeseburger, empanadillas, cookies and a little tres leche cake. More food, glorious food. No fruits or veggies, please.
ACT 1 : Intro World—I hadn’t done this since the story is contained. I didn’t realize that I needed to make how Erin lived as an obese chick trapped in her body and her bedroom, a unique space. So I created the description of the outside world juxtaposed to her inside world. I think I get some irony and intrigue in here too.
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
The sun shines bright rays down a very flat rancher. There’s a calmness to the morning. Birds CHIRP. Bees BUZZ. Butterflies hover. The picture of perfection in a not-so-white, kinda suburban ‘hood.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE/BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Food chaos all around her, Erin lets out a deep belch.
ACT 5 : Character Intro-Relationship to another character-Instead of “telling” you that Patty was considering John’s offer, I added a BEAT to show you. Earlier, she complains about him, argues with him, and sees him as a weirdo nuisance. Now, however, we see that there’s something there. What? I think this is intriguing too.
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE/FRONT DOORWAY – NIGHT
Patty turns to see whose calling her. She squints.
JOHN
‘Member me?
PATTY
Whattayou want?
JOHN
Need a ride?
Beat.
PATTY
Depends. Where to?
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Sharilyn Has Great Introductions!
What I learned doing this assignment is…in introducing the main parts of the script: sub-world and characters, I wasn’t saying anything special. I mean it was just good. Not that I have to write a lot more, I just have to spin it in such a way that others wanna either meet the people in my pilot, spend time with them, relate to them. As for my sub-world, it’s not intriguing as I wrote it. I feel like I have a lot to brainstorm as I continue to edit this. Inserting irony here and there helps though.
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Sharilyn Description 1!
What I learned doing this assignment is…I overwrite, giving too much detail, which makes for “pretty,” but clunky scene descriptions that don’t “show.”
TEASER
description BEFORE:
Walley grabs Kandy close. He hovers in too big boxers and a hanging wife beater. His spindly arms wrap around Kandy as he bends her forward doggy-style.
description AFTER:
Walley grabs Kandy close, fumbling as he bends her forward doggy-style.
ACT ONE
description BEFORE:
The Food Delivery Dude shoves the food in her hand which reaches through the hole. She misses the food bag hand off.
description AFTER:
The Food Delivery Kid shoves a greasy bag food in her hand. She misses the hand off.
ACT TWO
description BEFORE:
Patty maneuvers around the food clutter. She plops her tote down and reaches in a bag. She reaches for Erin’s messy mop of hair.
description AFTER:
Patty maneuvers around Erin’s food clutter. She reaches for Erin’s messy mop of hair to balance herself.
ACT THREE
description BEFORE:
First responders arrive. They park out in front. Sexy POLICE and FIREMEN hop out.
description AFTER:
Sexy OFFICERS and FIREMEN hop out in a rush. It’s all a blur.
ACT FOUR
description BEFORE:
Mi-Ya shows up. She raps on the pane.
description AFTER:
Mi-Ya hangs around. Unsure. Finally she raps on the pane.
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Sharilyn Has Great Dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment is…I need more dialogue days.
TEASER
line BEFORE: SEXOLOGIST: An now for the “Bend-over.” Careful not to pop her as you caress her firm breast.”
line AFTER: SEXOLOGIST: An now for the “Bend-over.” Careful not to pop. As you push.”
I used dialogue skill set “Dialogue As Action” to fix this line because I think it’s funnier to have the characters awkwardly act out what they hear the “expert” do.
ACT ONE
line BEFORE: FOOD DELIVERY DUDE: Same order.
ERIN: Right.
FOOD DELIVERY DUDE: Different day.
line AFTER: ERIN: Same order.
FOOD DELIVERY DUDE: Different day.
I used dialogue skill set “Subtext” to fix this line because I wanna affirm Erin’s confidence with all-things-food but the delivery guys boredom in coming to her house everyday completing the same, monotonous exchange.
ACT TWO
line BEFORE: PATTY: Damn bitch! What do you be doing at night?
ERIN: You know what.
PATTY: Umf. I do. Don’t I?
ERIN: Yep.
line AFTER: PATTY: Damn bitch! What you be doing at night?
I used dialogue skill set “Setup / Payoff” to fix this line because Patty only needs one-line to hint at Erin’s food fucking which pays off at the end of the Act.
ACT THREE
line BEFORE: MI-YA: Okey dokey.
line AFTER: MI-YA: Too late.
I used dialogue skill set “Speak through Character Profiles” to fix this line because even though “okey-dokey” is Mi-Ya’s signature line, it doesn’t fit. Mi-Ya is Erin’s foil. She opposes Erin, even when she’s not trying to, as in this scene, where they will argue because Erin thinks Mi-Ya called the 1st responders..
ACT FOUR
line BEFORE: MI-YA: A truce.
ERIN: You always know what I want.
MI-YA: Need. Every girl should be a fierce feline.
line AFTER: MI-YA: Every girl should be a fierce feline.
ERIN: You always know what I want.
MI-YA: Need.
I used dialogue skill set “Speak through Character Profiles” to fix this line because Mi-Ya is making a truce by what she gives to Erin. She doesn’t need to say that it’s a “truce.”
line BEFORE: PATTY:Weird mutha fucka who always be around.
WEIRD NEIGHBOR DUDE: You look like you could use some help.
With the door.
MS. CHEN: We no need you.
(later) PATTY: Than you’ll ever be. So take your raggedy ass on.
line AFTER: PATTY: And where you come from?
WEIRD NEIGHBOR DUDE: From across the street. John.
MS. CHEN: We no need you. Got her.
(later) PATTY: Than you’ll ever be.
I used dialogue skill set “ Attack/Counter attack” to fix this line because there’s already tension between Ms. Chen and Patty but they gang up and turn on the Neighbor John b/c he’s not a part of their world…yet. Also I needed to give him a name and placement in the story.
I also used dialogue skill set “Speak through Character Profiles” to fix this line because Ms. Chen has partnered with Patty on the low to get rid of John. They resume their argument.
ACT FIVE
line BEFORE: ERIN: Fat.
PATTY: Yup.
ERIN: Don’t need that kind of truth.
line AFTER: PATTY: EF. AY. TEE. Fabulous ass and tits.
I used dialogue skill set “Ironic Dialogue” to add this line because Patty tells Erin the truth in a way that will pay off for her later in the series. She’s brutally honest but in a loving, funny way which is the core of the series.
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Sharilyn’s Dialogue 7 – 8
What I learned doing this assignment is…I already started implementing these techniques from the last lesson.
TEASER
BEFORE: I introduced the protagonist first. She was food fucking, which didn’t allow for dialogue.
• A. Dialogue as Action NONE! Just sex sounds.
AFTER: I switched the order of the scenes so the antagonist is shown first sexing his blow-up doll girlfriend, then transition into the protagonist doing herself. I gave her one line.
• B. Subtext “Cum out, cum out wherever you are?”
ACT ONE
BEFORE: Erin misses the Food delivery hand off and she apologizes
• A. Dialogue as Action “Gimme.” motion
AFTER: Now, I deleted her “Sorry” line and just had her hand motion, “Gimme.” then I broke up his “same order. Different day. Right?” line to make it go back and forth between them as in an understood banter.
BEFORE: Walley and Kandy are having b-fast. Walley starts a tirade. Kandy stops him in his tracks asking him not to start complaining.
• A. Subtext: Walley is paranoid. He’s not so good in bed.
AFTER: I took out the word “complaining” and replaced it with “Yu. Talking about them.” Walley denies he was “gonna talk about them.” Now I wanna know , “Who is them?” Also, Kandy continues with “Say something nice.” He refers to the night before which hints at his sexual insecurity.
ACT TWO
BEFORE: Mi-Ya and Ms. Chen are about to hog-wash Erin. Ms. Chen says “Time to clean.” This is a direct order.
• A. Dialogue as Action – They do hose Erin down
• B. Subtext “I’m so excited.”
AFTER: I deleted the “Not.” after she says this line as clearly she is not excited.
ACT THREE
BEFORE: Erin is stuck on the floor. She’s fighting with Mi-Ya. She says, “You always do this.” I deleted the next two lines which state the frenemy tension between the two.
• A. Subtext – Erin and Mi-Ya have a deep divide between them that comes out in these fewer lines.
AFTER: Just 3 lines per character now is more fight filled than before. Less is more.
ACT FOUR
BEFORE: Ms. Chen and Patty not allies are not allies against the strange neighbor dude.
• B. Subtext – Ms. Chen, in her own rude way, affirms Patty’s gender.
AFTER: I gave Ms. Chen the rude/funny line “ And man. Strong man.”
BEFORE: Patty and Erin argue with Erin kinda whining about her parents installing the cameras. Erin states:
• B. Subtext – “Correction. They’re not my real parents.”
AFTER: This line opens the door to the discovery about her adoption and her resentment toward them.
ACT FIVE
BEFORE: Patty just leaves Erin staring at her nude, fat self in the mirror.
• B. Subtext – “Here. There. You know me.”
AFTER: Erin asks Patty, “Where to?” And Patty responds a little naughty. She later accepts a ride from weird neighbor dude across the street. Leaves us wondering what is, was, will be between those two.
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Sharilyn’s Dialogue 4-6
What I learned doing this assignment is…the dialogue pass solidifies the story line where the scenic pass solidifies the structure. I had to do more dialogue-pilot-passing if I’m gonna write the episodes.
1. Go through your dialogue and find at least two opportunities to use each of these three dialogue skills.
2. Tell us how that improved the dialogue and give us an example of the Before and After on each line.
TEASER
BEFORE: In the teaser, there was no Dr. Ruth-like sexologist coaching Walley on how to sex Kandy, his the Blow-Up Doll girlfriend. But I added her just for one scene where she says:
• C. Ironic Dialogue “And now for the ‘Bend-over.’ ”
AFTER: This is essentially “doggie-style” sex. The irony in this line is that a blow- doll cannot bend for sex. It will pop or deflate as it Kandy does in the Teaser. I think this is funny and strange behavior personified.
ACT ONE
BEFORE: Walley wants reassurance that his performance last night was “good.” It wasn’t for her but she doesn’t wanna discourage him so she answers him just by doubtfully nodding her head.
• B. Anticipatory Dialogue “Let’s keep working on it.”
AFTER: Now I rewrote the line so that she both doubtfully tilts her head and answers positively with the subtext that it wasn’t good. I guess this is ironic too since she asks him earlier to start off the moring conversation with something positive.
ACT TWO
BEFORE: Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya prepare to hose Erin down like a pig. This always a humiliating experience. Yet Erin declares:
• C. Ironic Dialogue “I’m so excited. Not.”
AFTER: I deleted the “not” because I think the situation is set-up enough as to where anyone would really NOT be excited to get washed by her friend and her friends mom.
ACT THREE
BEFORE: Erin’s parents, Stu&Lu, arrive too soon when she falls. Everyone is outside of her front door. Ms. Chen comments to the Stu&Lu.
• A. Setup / Payoff – the “yet” implies something is going on.
• B. Anticipatory Dialogue “It no time for you yet.”
• C. Ironic Dialogue – not being on time is Ms. Chen’s pet peeve so why scold them for being early?
AFTER: I changed so that Ms. Chen is more declarative and then she asks “Why are you here?” The weird neighbor Dude butts in with “I heard screaming.” And Stu&Lu blow their cover in stating that they heard the screaming too. This sets up Act IV Erin asking them to explain how they knew she fell and them owning up to installing security cameras.
ACT FOUR
BEFORE: Erin digs for answers from her parents as to how they knew she fell. The banter was just between them.
• A. Setup / Payoff
AFTER: I added Patty’s side comments underneath the main dialogue so that later, when the two bond over the broken relationship with their parents, it makes more sense.
BEFORE: Mi-Ya and her mom, Ms. Chen, have a minor argument about Mi-Ya being early for once. I expanded that to full blow up.
• A. Setup / Payoff – “You show up early. Why? You never early.”
• C. Ironic Dialogue – Ms. Chen is ticked that her daughter is on time.
AFTER: Now that they argue, we see that it’s not about Mi-Ya being on time that offends Ms. Chen, it’s that she thinks Mi-Ya is trying to show her up, like her abusive ex-husband used to do in front of their close-knit community. Ms. Chen yells at Mi-Ya:
• A. Setup / Payoff – “You just like your father!”
Now a root of mother/daughter tension is revealed. Ms. Chen also accuses Mi-Ya of being confused for being a Furry. Mi-Ya responds that “You just don’t get me.” Another layer I can explore in later episodes.
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Sharilyn’s Dialogue 1 + 2
What I learned doing this assignment is…If I listen close enough I can hear the actual/literal voice of the character and not the just the screenwriting “voice” everyone always talks about.
2. Select one of the scenes and give us a Before and After on how that changed the dialogue.
BEFORE:
The scene accomplished what it needed to cinematically but afterwards I feel like a layer was “peeled back, if you will, on who the character is at her core and why she opposes the protagonist.
AFTER
The scene is more fun.
3. Then take one lead character and check every line of their dialogue throughout the entire pilot to make sure it delivers something from their Character Profile.
4. Tell us how that improved the character’s dialogue.
Both the protagonist and FOIL character kinda sound the same. I had to fine tune the phrasing, like give the latter a catch phrase so you know it’s her talking and not the other. I know actors will pick on this.
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Sharilyn Completed P/S Grid#2
What I learned doing this assignment is…You can’t tackle all the problems at once so just slow your roll, critique, analyze and strategize how to fix what’s not working.
Because I write so fast and I don’t have another pair of eyes to back me up, I’m thinking my problems are:
3. Character Intros not Strong
-My antagonist is the only character who doesn’t represent what he’ll be doing/saying/being later in the Pilot and so I had to make him more active in the Teaser.
7. Scenes that are Not Intriguing
Solution
Every scene should have intrigue at the core of that scene. Simply brainstorm a way that one or more of these could show up in that scene.
Intriguing World:
Intrigue:
Mystery:
Secret:
Deception:
Secret Identity:
Wound:
Hidden Agenda:
Hidden Layer:
Strange Behavior:
Accusation:
Suspense:
Imminent Threat:
Suspicion:
I have a lot of little scenes that make up the sequence for the final action. As this is contained story, I’m realizing how important it is to make even the one word count for something. The above techniques show up in the little scenes.
8. Weak Scenes
Solution
– Increase Conflict
– Challenge a character
Because this is a 1-3 setting story, a lot has to happen between the characters. They have to really go in on one another. It was amazing how changing a few words made the place pop.
10. Exposition Instead of Reveals
Solution
Reveal: Something under the surface is discovered or brought to our attention in a dramatic way.
– Reveal through a betrayal.
– Reveal in a way that costs the character.
The banter had to be followed up with an action or accompanied by it. Otherwise the exposition, which is minimal, doesn’t make sense. The characters have to “do” what the “feel,” and not the other way around. So I chose to add more action to the comments
12. Cliché Scenes, Actions, or Dialogue
Solution
A cliché is simply something we’ve seen before. The key is to think outside that box.
1. What is the purpose of this scene?
2. Brainstorm other versions that meet that purpose…and are fresh in some way.
3. Pick the best.
Had to use this for the Teaser again as it still was kinda blah.
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Sharilyn Completed P/S Grid#1
What I learned doing this assignment is…I need another set of eyes to read & review my work. I get why a writing team and room is necessary.
Problem #5: Weak Teaser
Solution: Interesting Action
I tweaked some visuals of Erin eating and moved scenes around so we end with Walley being fearful and suspicious and not saying it. Trying to “show and not tell” his anxiety, her food addiction,
Problem #12: Missing Set-ups for future episodes
Solution(s):
1. Look at the TV Pitch Bible for the list of episodes.
2. Brainstorm payoffs that could be in those episodes.
-Oops! The Pilot and episode 1 meld together.
-Episode 3 still has remnants of the Pilot in it. I’m repeating myself.
3. Work backwards to determine if you might use new setups for those payoffs
Intrigue us about them
The episodes are weak compared to the Pilot. I actually have to rewrite their descriptions as I set up a lot in the Pilot and am not delivering in the episodes.
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Sharilyn Finished ACT 4+5
What I learned doing this assignment is…I can do this! I want to do this!
Insights I had writing ACTs 4 + 5
Checking myself is a thing of the past as I saw how what I had written had to fit for pilot to work. I also get very excited for what’s to come. I wanna know how this is gonna go for the characters. I’m vested as they have a voice and life of their own. I’m seeing depth and problem/weak spots for everybody. I wanna know how things are gonna turn out. I think I will be preparing episodes even after this program finishes.
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Sharilyn Finished ACT 3
What I learned doing this assignment is…I really wanna get more into this story. Make it the best it can be.
My rating of the High Speed Writing Rules:
Rule 1: Use empowering self talk. Cheer yourself on. = A+
Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts. = A+
Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY drafts. = B
Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers. = C+
Rule 5: Keep moving. = A+ Don’t allow yourself to ever stall out. = B+
Rule 6: Even if you can’t create it now, you will be able to at some point in the future! = B
Insights I had writing ACT 3
Checking myself came more natural as I could
feel the story building. I mean, as I’m
writing it, I was still like, “Oh snap,
what’s about to happen!?” Also the character
voices are becoming more clear. -
Sharilyn Finished ACT 2 First Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is…I can’t “think” about where I am in the outline. As long as I listen to the characters, their words flow.
My rating of the High Speed Writing Rules:
Rule 1: Use empowering self talk.
Cheer yourself on. = <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: 1.6875rem;”>A<div>
Rule 2: Understand writing in
drafts. = <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: 1.6875rem;”>A<div>
Rule 3: Choose speed over quality
for EARLY drafts. = <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: 1.6875rem;”>BRule 4: Allow yourself to start
(or continue) without all the answers. = <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: 1.6875rem;”>CRule 5: Keep moving. = <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: 1.6875rem;”>A Don’t allow yourself to ever
stall out. = <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: 1.6875rem;”>BRule 6: Even if you can’t create
it now, you will be able to at some point in the future! = <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: 1.6875rem;”>BInsights I had writing ACT 2
I’m still having to check myself. I gotta stick to the outline; even though it is easy to do so, and I can write fast because the characters talk to me, new ideas pop up out the blue. I just highlight them and go back to the original outline. Who knows? They may work out.
</div></div>
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Sharilyn’s Finished ACT 1 First Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is…as long as I don’t write right, the words flow.
My insights in writing the Act 1 first draft include: (1) I wasn’t letting go to let it flow. (2) I was editing while writing, moving scenes around, which stalled me for a day!! (3) I don’t have to write in order. Just write it how it comes. (4) I found a lot of cinematic repetition which drove me a little nuts. Made me wanna make the shit flow logically, or as I SEE IT. I have to fight my left brain to be WRITE brained.
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Sharilyn’s Teaser / High Speed Writing
What I learned doing this assignment is…this is fun BUT it has to be focused.
My experience of using the high speed writing rules as I wrote the teaser was smooth. But I did get sidetracked when a character who never even existed popped into my head and tried to hijack the whole pilot!! I had to FOCUS for real and send him away.
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Sharilyn’s Outline With Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is…determine the detail to clean up a scene.
TEASER
I/E – ERIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT : Strange Behavior
Erin moans and groans alone, in the dark. Sounds of a wrapper opening. A condom package? Snack bags opening? A crazy full moon shines through. No, wait! Flood lights from across the street outline her naked largesse. CREEK! CREEK! A fat arm, then plump fingers, reaching in and around full lips as in and out the finger goes. The bed herks and jerks.
Open Loop: Why is eating so pleasurable?
Mystery: Why is eating so pleasurable?
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony: Eating is like fucking, when it’s good!
Set up: Eating can be orgasmic.
A man’s voice moans in tandem with the motion of the bed. Erin exhales loudly. The release. Then snoring.
Open Loop: Why aren’t the dude and chick doing it to each other?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: Good food, like a good release, will put you to sleep.
Payoff:
Irony:
Set up: Erin eats alone.
ACT 1
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – NIGHT : Wound
Walley pecks away, complaining to his blow-up doll girlfriend, Kandy, about the job and that he’s being watched. His BOSS’ face pops up on the screen confirming his suspicions. He switches him off and searches up porn for pleasure. In his, search he remembers how lucrative her former sex work was. He vows to get his sex-side-hustle going.
Open Loop: Kandy’s “realness”
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: Walley hates his job. His Boss is a dick.
Payoff:
Irony: Only he hears himself complain.
Set up: Walley & Kandy’s ease in porn participation.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Hidden Layer
Erin is still hungry after a night of binge eating. She props open her window with a knife. A BIRDIE greets her. She feeds it some crumbs while licking her fingers. Her regular food delivery GUY stops by. She wraps as much of herself in the curtain and sticks out her arm to grab up the bag. Visible slice marks show. Elementary migrant STUDENTS arrive for free tutoring.
Open Loop: Is she crushing on the Food delivery guy?
Mystery: Very dangerous using a knife to prop up a window.
Empathy/Distress: Erin is kind to animals, kids.
Payoff:
Irony: Erin isn’t kind to herself.
Set up: Teaching vs. porn dilemma.
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Hidden Layer
Patty saunters up ready to beat Erin’s face for the day. Erin is of course not ready, in full tutor mode with her class. Patty ignores them, imploring Erin to buzz her in and get rid of the kiddies. Erin unwillingly obliges.
Open Loop: How does the trans-Latina fit in to Erin’s world?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony:
Set up: Patty’s role/relationship with Erin.
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – DAY : Wound
Walley works hard at his keyboard as Kandy overlooks from the doorway. His boss pops on his screen to berate his performance. Walley stammers through an apology. He stutters when he gets nervous. He pushes what he thinks is the mute button on his keyboard and goes in on his boss who takes it all in. He then responds with a snarky comment, to Walley’s surprise. He clicks him off, unable to face him after the tirade.
Open Loop: Will Walley grow a pair?
Mystery: How do Walley and Kandy stay together?
Empathy/Distress: Walley stutters.
Payoff: Walley tells his boss off.
Irony: Walley is being watched as he hacks others.
Set up: Walley’s entry into the soft porn world as his own boss.
ACT 2
I/E ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Hidden Layer
Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya show up in their own way: Ms. Chen fussy and Mi-Ya in her cat-furry attire. Erin is where she always is: on the bed eating while Patty chats away and combs through her mop. Ms. Chen is fed up with Erin’s inertia. Patty defends her besty to which Ms. Chen then comes for her. All the while creeper Neighbor dude from across the street spies on Erin’s front door.
Open Loop: Who is the Neighbor Guy to Erin?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: Patty is a loyal friend.
Payoff: Patty styles Erin to eat.
Irony: Ms. Chen tears Erin down while building her up
Set up: Mother daughter dynamic
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – DAY : Strange Behavior
As Walley and Kandy peacefully spoon, he hears cat purring. Believing that Kandy didn’t let the cat out, he rouses, searching for kitty. Passing by his computer screen he sees Mi-Ya at Erin’s front door. He sits at the monitor excited that his hack works.
Open Loop: Walley and Kandy spoon like a “real” couple
Mystery: How/why does Walley connect with a blow-up doll?
Empathy/Distress: Walley can’t get with a “real” woman
Payoff:
Irony: Walley complains about being watched but watches another
Set up: How Waley collects Erin sex footage
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Wound
Mi-Ya arrives at her own kitty pace which ticks off her mother, Ms. Chen. Their mother-daughter tension fills the room as Mi-Ya shows Erin a new muumuu design she cut. No one is impressed, especially not Erin. Mi-Ya, in turn, feels the sting of rejection. Ms. Chen reprimands her daughter and prepares for Erin’s wash-up.
Open Loop: What’s behind Ms. Chen’s tension with her daughter?
Mystery: How is it that Erin, Ms. Chen, and Mi-Ya can be so intimate?
Empathy/Distress: Mi-Ya is dismissed by her mother and friend.
Payoff:
Irony: Erin rejects the friend who takes care of her when she can’t care oforherself.
Set up: Mi-Ya resents her friend, pushes for her fat fashion line
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Strange Behavior
With Patty out of the room, Ms. Chen orders Mi-Ya to assist her in stripping Erin. The two don’t work in tandem so Erin gets stuck in her own clothes. Trying to assist their efforts, Erin’s immobility becomes apparent as she pulls and tugs to no avail. Finally she sits nude, a brown blob. Walley and Kandy watch from their trailer.
Open Loop: How will Erin take care of herself w/out the Chen’s?
Mystery: from where does the Chen/Stodermann trust stem?
Empathy/Distress: Erin’s dependency on the Chen’s.
Payoff: Seeing Erin naked.
Irony: Both Mother/Daughter enable what they criticize in Erin.
Set up: The fat fetish hook
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Imminent Threat
Prepped and positioned up by her window, Erin is tutors her kids. Across the street, she spots creepy neighbor dude filming. She screams at him scaring the kids who scatter. As he schleps away, she slams her window down, forgetting the knife used to prop it up.
The knife handle spews out hitting a crouching kid. Erin hears the whimpers. Realizing the knife handle hits one of her kids, she offers a treat. The kid takes the treat, immediately happy, thanking Erin in Spanish while running off. Erin keeps snacking to calm her nerves.
Open Loop: Neighbor dude’s infatuation with Erin. Will he hurt her?
Mystery: Why does Erin use a knife in the window? What happened to her?
Empathy/Distress: The kid gets hurt b/c of Erin’s prop.
Payoff: Erin protects the kid from creeper neighbor.
Irony: Erin can’t protect herself from eating herself to death.
Set up: Child endangerment.
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – DAY : Strange Behavior
Walley and Kandy sit dumbfounded at what they just witnessed: Erin’s full wash up. Walley realizes that this live stream is golden. His mind clicks. Kandy disapproves. Walley reminds her of her past as a blow-up doll sex worker and how successful she was. That was how they met. He knows he shouldn’t but he has to paste up and post what he’s seen, so he does.
Open Loop: Walley and Kandy’s relationship. How does it work?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: Walley’s post will devastate Erin.
Payoff:
Irony:
Set up: Walley’s start post begin his career.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Strange Behavior
Erin heaves herself up. She stands upright. A little unsteady. She breathes deeply survey the food chaos in her room. Her eyes land on a CORNER where Patty left a plastic bag. A knowing smile creeps across her face. Erin takes baby steps over to the bag. What? The bitch can walk! She easily bends over at the waist to grab up the bag. Her round ass moons Walley.
Open Loop: Why doesn’t Erin tell that she can walk?
Mystery: Food motivates Erin to move but not in her favor, as any addiction.
Empathy/Distress: Erin is unsteady on her feet. She can fall.
Payoff: Erin can walk, so she can do for herself.
Irony: Erin moons Walley “kiss my ass,” style and he is.
Set up: Food fucking.
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – DAY : Imminent threat
Walley rationalizes filming Erin as Kandy berates him for invasion of privacy. He pieces together scenes typing and talking ferociously. Both watch Erin’s large, ass-cracked-apple-bottom fill the screen.
Open Loop: Does Walley have a fat fetish?
Mystery: Will Kandy leave Walley?
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff: Walley’s site comes together.
Irony: Walley’s subconscious is Kandy the blow-up doll.
Set up: Walley knows he’s wrong but can’t help himself.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Strange Behavior
Erin digs around for a knife. She breathes hard, hot and heavy. She sweats. Walking is work. She pulls out a ZUCCHINI, CUCUMBER, then an unripe PLANTAIN. She sniffs, presses, and pinches each. She rubs them against her breast flesh for smoothness. The Plantain tip pokes her. She pitches it across the room. She weighs the zucchini and cucumber, one in each hand. She measures for length, thickness.
The Zucchini wins. She cuts the tip. Lifts her stomach, slides it down to her HooHa. She throws her head back and moans. Erin drenches in sweat. She licks her lips, smacks her tongue in her mouth. Parched, she needs a drink. She yanks herself up. Woozey.
Open Loop: Food fucking? Really!? Ew! Why?
Mystery: When did food become sexual for Erin?
Empathy/Distress: Erin masturbates with food. She obviously wants a man.
Payoff: Now we know what the teaser was about.
Irony: Food is pleasurable both for digestion and dildo.
Set up: Erin’s food erotica as her entry into porn.
Erin steps on the Plantain, slips and slams to the floor! In pain, she can’t get up.
Open Loop:
Mystery: Had she fallen before?
Empathy/Distress: Erin can’t get up.
Payoff:
Irony: Walking hurts her.
Set up: Erin’s obesity gets exposed to the world.
ACT 3
INT. WALLEY’ S TRAILER – DAY : Imminent Threat
BANG! Erin hits the floor hard. She lies awkward. From the screen, Walley justifies spying on Erin to Kandy, who just wants him to get Erin some help. They both see Erin bleeding and screaming. Neighbor Guy rushes to Erin’s front door. He pounds on it. Stu & Lu happen to drive up as Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya arrive alarmed. The Migrant families cruise by chattering in Spanish. They don’t drop off their kids but hang around, concerned.
Open Loop:
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: How hurt is Erin?
Payoff: Constant surveillance by family, friends evidenced by their quick arrival.
Irony: When she helps herself, she hurts herself.
Set up: Erin’s bleeding = baby loss.
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Imminent Threat
Stu & Lu beg Erin to open the door as a CROWD gathers. Mi-Ya tiptoes around to Erin’s window. Neighbor Guy’s eyes follow Mi-Ya. She taps out the secret knock on the pane. She enquires about Erin’s state. Snarky Erin responds from the floor. The two go back and forth about getting help. Erin is adamant about not wanting any 1st Responders showing up.
Too late, they’re there. Sexy POLICE and Hot Fire DUDES answer the call of duty. Patty argues everyone down about barging in on Erin. She ceases her rant as the EMT Van pulls up.
Open Loop: Will Erin and Mi-Ya remain friends after this?
Mystery: Why doesn’t Erin want help from those who are trained to help?
Empathy/Distress: Erin is stuck on the floor.
Payoff: Mi-Ya vs. Erin showdown.
Irony: The hot guys show up in Erin’s worst state.
Set up: Patty’s turbulent relationship with men.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Imminent Threat
Erin goes off on Mi-Ya who was just trying to help. Neighbor guy snaps a sneaky video of Mi-Ya talking through the Window. Her cat senses pick up the filming. She turns on him. He flees. Erin throws a tantrum. Why can’t everyone just leave her alone? Ms. Chen refutes every word Erin yells through the door.
Patty makes eye contact with the EMT Driver. Nope. He turns on his heels at the behest of his COLLEAGUES. Patty marches behind him. Erin pleads with everyone to leave her alone. She’s fine. She can get up on her own. Stu & Lu agree that with the FIREMEN to bat-a-ram the entryway.
Open Loop: Who is the EMT Driver to Patty?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: Forcing entry on Erin whose anxiety is through the roof.
Payoff:
Irony: No one hears Erin but they see her. The Chen’s work against Erin.
Set up:
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Imminent Threat
The local TV NEWS CREW van descends on the scene. Erin wallows in self-pity. Mad and sad she fumes. The Police demand to know who Erin Stodermann is as they have a complaint from a parent of child endangerment. Stu & Lu go into protect mode. At hearing the Police she fears the worst. To get even with Erin, Mi-Ya snitches that she is inside, incapacitated.
Open Loop:
Mystery: Why does Mi-Ya snitch like this?
Empathy/Distress: Erin’s weight/lifestyle is made public.
Payoff:
Irony: Cops enquire about Erin hurting kids when she helps them.
Set up:
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – DAY : Hidden Agenda
Walley finger taps hard on the keyboard. He can’t believe his luck. It’s happening for him. Hopefully. Finally? He names the video “Erin Eats Everything.” He stops, feeling Kandy’s guilty gaze on his back. He assures her that this time, it’s gonna work. He shows Kandy some clips. He calls his Boss and quits.
Open Loop: What does Erin’s Video look like?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: Walley tells his Boss he quits.
Payoff: Walley confronts his ass-hole boss without stuttering.
Irony: Walley covers himself by exposing Erin.
Set up: Walley becoming a boss
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Secret
The Firemen knock the front door down. ALL pack the house, fan out and search the premises. Erin breathes hard trying to contain herself. Until she screams at the top of her lungs for them to get out! Ms. Chen, Stu & Lu try to calm her, convince her that she needs help. Everyone sees the blood. Erin clocks the shocked expression on the 1St Responders’ faces. They weren’t prepared for a patient her size.
Open Loop: Is the blood an indicator of something seriously wrong with Erin?
Mystery: How did Erin get this fat?
Empathy/Distress: Erin sees how others see her. Fat shaming.
Payoff:
Irony: The 1st Responders can’t/won’t help Erin.
Set up: Bleeding = pregnancy loss
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Secret
Patty confronts the EMT driver, who wants no parts of her. Him. He remembers her as she was born—his son, Patricio. Patty doesn’t deny that but cannot allow him not to help her friend because of her life choices. EMT Dad refuses to hear the argument.
As Medics ask health questions, Patty reenters. Erin is still on the floor. A hot mess as People talking around her. Patty crouches by her friend whose eyes plead with her. A 1st responder stands over them asking Erin if they could at least test her vitals. Erin agrees. They take her blood pressure, lift her limbs. Ms. Chen cleans up around her. The bleeding stops.
Open Loop: Where is the blood coming from?
Mystery: Why does Patty’s EMT Dad refuse Erin help?
Empathy/Distress: Erin doesn’t get the help she needs.
Payoff: Patty puts her EMT Dad in his place.
Irony: 1st responders help Erin the way they want, not what for what Erin needs.
Set up: Erin Patty intimacy.
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – NIGHT : Imminent threat
As Walley sleeps, a counter tallies up the number of hits to Erin’s live stream and video. A montage of video travel shows how Erin’s sex tape goes viral.
Open Loop:
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: How will Erin respond to her viral status?
Payoff: Walley’s work.
Irony: Erin tries so hard to stay hidden and now she’s fully exposed.
Set up: Chubby chasers, fat fetishizers, world of internet “soft” porn
ACT 4
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Deception
Erin is still on the floor. Snoring. Dried blood sticks to her hand. Candy wrappers, snack bags, pizza boxes, fast food packages surround her. Mi-Ya shows up. She raps on the pane. Erin rouses. She knows who it is. She shoos her away.
Mi-Ya unhinges the bars and pops open the pane. She climbs in. Cat-agility. Mi-Ya picks up the food trash as Erin protests. Mi-Ya ignores her. She drops a gift bag on Erin’s stomach roll. Erin peaks in. She pulls out cat ears, and whiskers. Mi-Ya reiterates nine more lives. The two make up.
Open Loop: Will Erin’s response to stress always be to binge eat?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: Erin is still on the floor!
Payoff: Mi-Ya and Erin make up.
Irony: Mi-Ya is not the person hurting the Erin the most.
Set up: Mi-Ya cannot be trusted.
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Strange Behavior
Patty pulls the plywood door away from its frame as Ms. Chen hovers. The two argue. Patty gets a splinter and breaks a nail. She curses Ms. Chen who holds her own. Weird neighbor Guy appears outta nowhere asking about Erin. Both Patty and Ms. Chen gang up on him. He can’t handle their female synergy. He bolts.
Ms. Chen and Patty push and shove each other down to Erin’s bedroom. Erin sits on the bed, content, as Mi-Ya affixes her whiskers and cat-eared headband.
Open Loop: Is Mi-Ya taking Patty’s place with Erin? How did Erin get on the bed?
Mystery: What’s up with Mi-Ya and the cat thing?
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony:
Set up: Patty vs. The Chen’s
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Deception
Both Ms. Chen and Patty wonder why Mi-Ya is on time and prepping Erin? Stu & Lu snap them out of their trance as they push through with groceries. Ms. Chen snatches the bags and exits without a word. Patty follows. Mi-Ya knows her mom and besty are miffed.
Open Loop: What is Mi-Ya up to? How do Stu&Lu always pop up just in time?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony: Family and friends appear to arrive to actually help Erin, but not really.
Set up: Objectifying Erin’s fat.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Secret
Erin greets her parents curious as to how they knew she had fallen. Stu & Lu admit to installing security cameras. Erin is too through them. She asks them to leave. They do. Patty re-enters confused as to why the Stodermann’s are leaving. Patty goes in on Erin. At least she has parents who care. Erin reminds her that they’re not her real parents.
Open Loop: What does Erin mean that Stu&Lu are not her “real” parents?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony: Patty encouraging to be close to her parents when she is not close to hers.
Set up: Erin’s adoption.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Secret
Ms. Chen prepares b-fast. Mi-Ya tries to help/make-up. Ms. Chen is not having it. Why was Mi-Ya there without her? The two argue. Mi-Ya leaves after Ms. Chen accuses Mi-Ya of being just like her FATHER. Ms. Chen regrets her words.
Open Loop: Mother/ daughter tension never ends.
Mystery: What is Mi-Ya’s Father like? What he do to Ms. Chen?
Empathy/Distress: Mi-Ya can’t crack her mom.
Payoff:
Irony: Mi-Ya is just like her mom, that’s why the two don’t get along.
Set up: Mi-Ya’s malevolent father intro.
INT. PORN PRESS HEADQUARTERS – DAY : Hidden Agenda
An ASSISTANT rushes in to GINA STELLACIO showing her Erin’s footage.
Excited at the discovery, Gina demands contact with the video/live streamer. The Assistant gets right on it.
Open Loop: How will the porn world react to Erin’s largesse?
Mystery: Who is Gina?
Empathy/Distress: Gina is bored with her porn position.
Payoff:
Irony: Porn is more than just bad sex scenes.
Set up: Porn has to find the latest thing to stay up-to-date.
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – DAY : Hidden Agenda
Walley and Kandy are on the outs. Walley’s phone rings. He answers a very professional Assistant who wants to know if he manages the talent in the video. In hushed tones he lies saying he does. Kandy is too through with him. He knows it.
Open Loop: Will Walley’s lie catch up to him?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: Walley lies to Kandy. Dolls have feelings too?
Payoff: Walley gets recognized for his viral Erin sex-tape.
Irony:
Set up: Porn connection with Gina. How will they work together, if at all?
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Wound
Ms. Chen arrives with a healthy b-fast for Erin who refuses. Erin demands to know why Ms. Chen allowed the 1st Responders to rape her. Ms. Chen defends her actions retaliating w/harsh criticism of Erin’s weight, life, dependency on her. Patty intervenes. Erin kicks Ms. Chen out.
Open Loop: Erin sticks up for herself but loses the help she needs. Will she adjust?
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: PTSD for Erin after the 1st Responder break in.
Payoff: Erin confronts Ms. Chen.
Irony: Erin doesn’t eat healthy.
Set up: Erin weans away from Chen dependency.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY : Secret
Patty sages the room. Erin reminds Patty of her faith. The two reminisce—fat camp, gay camp. Patty pulls out all the Communion bottles from around the room. Erin retrieves a chocolate stash and a Cucumber. A moment passes between them. Maybe they shouldn’t do what they’ve done before?
Open Loop: Where will Patty and Erin go from here?
Mystery: What happened between Patty and Erin? Were they lovers?
Empathy/Distress: Sleep away camp horrible experience for both friends.
Payoff: Erin decompresses, readjusts her perspective.
Irony: They bond over a common experience in different settings.
Set up: Patty’s Patricio secret.
ACT 5
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE/WALLEY’S TRAILER/PORN PRESS HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT : Wound
Alone, buck naked and a little tipsy Erin stands fully naked. Patty wraps her arms around her from behind, her chin resting on her shoulder. Patty affirms Erin’s beauty. Erin isn’t buying it. She picks herself apart. They’re both drunk. Patty leaves.
Walley watches the live feed. He doesn’t get what’s going on between Patty and Erin. Gina watches, thinking Walley’s duped her into regular gay porn. She’s pissed.
Open Loop: Will Erin find out she’d being filmed?
Mystery: Did Patty once love Erin romantically?
Empathy/Distress: Gina’s fed up. Erin doesn’t see herself as beautiful.
Payoff: Erin’s nudity.
Irony: Patty appreciates Erin as a homey, lover, friend.
Set up: Gina vs. Walley. Erin’s body acceptance.
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT : Hidden Agenda
Neighbor Guy lurks. He spots Patty stumbling out of the house. He offers her a ride. Patty ain’t that drunk, so she accepts.
Open Loop: Why is weird neighbor Guy always around?
Mystery: Where does he come from? Want?
Empathy/Distress: Will Patty get hurt?
Payoff:
Irony:
Set up: Patty and weird neighbor Guy’s interaction.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT : Wound
A Medic text-to-reply message alerts Erin. She responds still tipsy.
The medic calls with test results. All of Erin’s vitals were normal for her age given her size. Erin eye-rolls, about to hang up, when the medic expresses condolences for the loss of the BABY. Erin is in shock. More shade from the medic whose dumbfounded that someone her size could even get pregnant. Erin clicks off.
Open Loop: Erin is not a virgin; so what is she?
Mystery: How, when did Erin get pregnant?
Empathy/Distress: Child loss.
Payoff: Erin knows how to have sex.
Irony:
Set up: Erin wants to be a mom one day.
-
Sharilyn’s Scene Requirements
What I learned doing this assignment is…inspect and dissect, to resurrect a scene, but also to connect them.
TEASER
I/E – ERIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Erin moans and groans alone, in the dark. Sounds of a wrapper opening. A condom package? Snack bags opening? A crazy full moon shines through. No, wait! Flood lights from across the street outline her naked largesse. CREEK! CREEK! A fat arm, then plump fingers, reaching in and around full lips as in and out the finger goes. The bed herks and jerks.
A man’s voice moans in tandem with the motion of the bed. Erin exhales loudly. The release. Then snoring.
SCENE SEQUENCE “Feeding? Fucking? Or both?”
Start: Pre-sex panting sounds.
Challenging Situation:
Conflict: Is it masturbation? A couple?
Action: Pleasurable moaning and groaning.
Finish: Snoring.
ACT 1
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – NIGHT
Walley pecks away, complaining to his blow-up doll girlfriend, Kandy, about the job and that he’s being watched. His BOSS’ face pops up on the screen confirming his suspicions. He switches him off and searches up porn for pleasure. In his, search he remembers how lucrative her former sex work was. He vows to get his sex-side-hustle going.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Walley wallows in work”
Start: Walley pecks away.
Challenging Situation: Walley’s BOSS’ face pops up on screen.
Conflict: Dissatisfaction w/job. Belief he’s being watched.
Action: Complains to blow-up doll live-in, KANDY. Searches up porn for pleasure.
Finish: Vows to get his sex-side hustle going.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Erin is still hungry after a night of binge eating. She props open her window with a knife. A BIRDIE greets her. She feeds it some crumbs while licking her fingers. Her regular food delivery GUY stops by. She wraps as much of herself in the curtain and sticks out her arm to grab up the bag. Simultaneously her STUDENTS arrive for free tutoring.
SCENE SEQUENCE “Erin’s 1st meal of the day”
Start: Erin wakes up.
Challenging Situation: Eating from her bed.
Conflict: How will Erin get her first meal of the day?
Action: Erin feeds herself, birds and kids.
Finish: Erin tutors the kids.
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Patty saunters up ready to beat Erin’s face for the day. Erin is of course not ready, in full tutor mode with her class. Patty ignores them, imploring Erin to buzz her in and get rid of the kiddies. Erin unwillingly obliges.
SCENE SEQUENCE “Patty arrives”
Start: Patty saunters up.
Challenging Situation: How does Patty get around the kids and into the house?
Conflict: The kids are in Patty’s way.
Action: Patty shoos them away.
Finish: Erin is pissed at her.
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – DAY
Walley works hard at his keyboard as Kandy overlooks from the doorway. His boss pops on his screen to berate his performance. Walley stammers through an apology. He stutters when he gets nervous. He pushes what he thinks is the mute button on his keyboard and goes in on his boss who takes it all in. He then responds with a snarky comment, to Walley’s surprise. He clicks him off, unable to face him after the tirade.
SCENE SEQUENCE “Walley confronts his Boss”
Start: Walley humbly reports to his Boss.
Challenging Situation: The Boss treats him like shit.
Conflict: Walley wants to defend himself but stutters and feels small.
Action: Walley mutes his Boss’ rant and talks back to him.
Finish: Walley hadn’t muted.
ACT 2
I/E ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya show up in their own way: Ms. Chen fussy and Mi-Ya in her cat-furry attire. Erin is where she always is: on the bed eating while Patty chats away and combs through her mop. Ms. Chen is fed up with Erin’s inertia. Patty defends her besty to which Ms. Chen then comes for her. All the while creeper Neighbor dude from across the street spies on Erin’s front door.
SCENE SEQUENCE “Clean up”
Start: Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya arrive.
Challenging Situation: Erin is a mess.
Conflict: Erin doesn’t help herself.
Action: Ms. Chen complains that Patty is part of Erin’s problem.
Finish: Neighbor Guy from across the street spies on the arrivals.
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – DAY
As Walley and Kandy peacefully spoon, he hears cat purring. Believing that Kandy didn’t let the cat out, he rouses, searching for kitty. Passing by his computer screen he sees Mi-Ya at Erin’s front door. He sits at the monitor excited that his hack works.
SCENE SEQUENCE “Walley’s hacks works”
Start: Walley and Kandy spoon.
Challenging Situation: Finding the cat.
Conflict:
Action: Walley rouses.
Finish: Walley discovers the cat is really Mi-Ya on screen. His hack worked.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Mi-Ya arrives at her own kitty pace which ticks off her mother, Ms. Chen. Their mother-daughter tension fills the room as Mi-Ya shows Erin a new muumuu design she cut. No one is impressed, especially not Erin. Mi-Ya, in turn, feels the sting of rejection. Ms. Chen reprimands he daughter and prepares for Erin’s wash-up.
SCENE SEQUENCE “Mother vs. Daughter”
Start: Mi-Ya arrives.
Challenging Situation: Getting Erin to accept the new muumuu style.
Conflict: Ms. Chen not accepting Mi-Ya
Action: Erin rejects the muumuu at Mi-Ya’s disappointment.
Finish: Ms. Chen denounces everyone.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
With Patty out of the room, Ms. Chen orders Mi-Ya to assist her in stripping Erin. The two don’t work in tandem so Erin gets stuck in her own clothes. Trying to assist their efforts, Erin’s immobility becomes apparent as she pulls and tugs to no avail. Finally she sits nude, a brown blob. Walley and Kandy watch from their trailer.
SCENE SEQUENCE “The hygiene routine”
Start: Mi-Ya and Ms. Chen undress Erin.
Challenging Situation: Maneuvering around Erin’s fat.
Conflict: Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya don’t work in tandem.
Action: Erin lifts, pulls and tugs to no avail. Walley watches.
Finish: Erin sits nude as a blob.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Prepped and positioned up by her window, Erin is tutors her kids. Across the street, she spots creepy neighbor dude filming. She screams at him scaring the kids who scatter. As he schleps away, she slams her window down, forgetting the knife used to prop it up.
The knife handle spews out hitting a crouching kid. Erin hears the whimpers. Realizing the knife handle hits one of her kids, she offers a treat. The kid takes the treat, immediately happy, thanking Erin in Spanish while running off. Erin keeps snacking to calm her nerves.
SCENE SEQUENCE “Erin at work”
Start: Erin tutors.
Challenging Situation: Why is neighbor guy filming the lesson?
Conflict: Erin’s instinct tells her that filming the lesson is not good.
Action: Erin screams him away. Shuts her window. Hits a kid.
Finish: She offers the kid a snack. She eats too. The kid runs off.
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – DAY
Walley and Kandy sit dumbfounded at what they just witnessed: Erin’s full wash up. Walley realizes that this live stream is golden. His mind clicks. Kandy disapproves. Walley reminds her of her past as a blow-up doll sex worker and how successful she was. That was how they met. He knows he shouldn’t but he has to paste up and post what he’s seen, so he does.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Now what?”
Start: Walley and Kandy watch the screen.
Challenging Situation: Live stream or archive the sex tape for blackmail?
Conflict: Kandy disapproves.
Action: Walley makes an Erin sex tape.
Finish: Walley sends out the footage.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Erin heaves herself up. She stands upright. A little unsteady. She breathes deeply survey the food chaos in her room. Her eyes land on a CORNER where Patty left a plastic bag. A knowing smile creeps across her face. Erin takes baby steps over to the bag. What? The bitch can walk! She easily bends over at the waist to grab up the bag. Her round ass moons Walley.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Baby steps”
Start: Erin stands up.
Challenging Situation: How can she get to the food bag in the corner?
Conflict: Erin can walk, so why doesn’t she?
Action: Erin walks to the food Patty left
Finish: When she bends to pick up the food bag she moons Walley who is filming.
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – DAY
Walley rationalizes filming Erin as Kandy berates him for invasion of privacy. He pieces together scenes typing and talking ferociously. Both watch Erin’s large, ass-cracked-apple-bottom fill the screen.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Walley vs. Kandy ”
Start: Walley and Kandy mesmerize at the monitor.
Challenging Situation: Should Walley do this?
Conflict: Kandy continues to berate Walley for invasion of privacy.
Action: He rationalizes while filming.
Finish: Kandy’s doesn’t buy it.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Erin digs around for a knife. She breathes hard, hot and heavy. She sweats. Walking is work. She pulls out a ZUCCHINI, CUCUMBER, then an unripe PLANTAIN. She sniffs, presses, and pinches each. She rubs them against her breast flesh for smoothness. The Plantain tip pokes her. She pitches it across the room. She weighs the zucchini and cucumber, one in each hand. She measures for length, thickness.
The Zucchini wins. She cuts the tip. Lifts her stomach, slides it down to her HooHa. She throws her head back and moans. Erin drenches in sweat. She licks her lips, smacks her tongue in her mouth. Parched, she needs a drink. She yanks herself up. Woozey. Erin steps on the Plantain, slips and slams to the floor! In pain, she can’t get up.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Food fucking ”
Start: Erin excites at the vegie dildos.
Challenging Situation: Erin debates to eat or fuck the food?
Conflict: Erin tests the penile produce for penetrability.
Action: Erin food fucks. She cums.
Finish: Erin falls on the floor and can’t get up.
ACT 3
INT. WALLEY’ S TRAILER – NIGHT
BANG! Erin hits the floor hard. She lies awkward. From the Screen, Walley justifies spying on Erin to Kandy, who just wants him to get Erin some help. They both see Erin bleeding and screaming. Neighbor Guy rushes to Erin’s front door. He pounds on it. Stu & Lu happen to drive up as Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya arrive alarmed. The Migrant families cruise by chattering in Spanish. They don’t drop off their kids but hang around, concerned.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Erin falls ”
Start: Walley&Kandy, Neighbor Guy, Migrant families, Stu&Lu all hear or see Erin.
Challenging Situation: How can they help Erin?
Conflict: Erin can’t help herself.
Action: Erin rolls over the part of her body that she can.
Finish: Erin bleeds from somewhere.
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Stu & Lu beg Erin to open the door as a CROWD gathers. Mi-Ya tiptoes around to Erin’s window. Neighbor Guy’s eyes follow Mi-Ya. She taps out the secret knock on the pane. She enquires about Erin’s state. Snarky Erin responds from the floor. The two go back and forth about getting help. Erin is adamant about not wanting any 1st Responders showing up.
Too late, they’re there. Sexy POLICE and Hot Fire DUDES answer the call of duty. Patty argues everyone down about barging in on Erin. She ceases her rant as the EMT Van pulls up.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Help on the way ”
Start: A crowd gathers outside Erin’s door.
Challenging Situation: Erin doesn’t want anyone to see her like this.
Conflict: All ignore Erin and instead call the 1st Responders.
Action: Erin protests.
Finish: 1st Responders arrive.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Erin goes off on Mi-Ya who was just trying to help. Neighbor guy snaps a sneaky video of Mi-Ya talking through the Window. Her cat senses pick up the filming. She turns on him. He flees. Erin throws a tantrum. Why can’t Everyone just leave her alone? Ms. Chen refutes every word Erin yells through the door.
Patty makes eye contact with the EMT Driver. Nope. He turns on his heels at the behest of his COLLEAGUES. Patty marches behind him. Erin pleads with Everyone to leave her alone. She’s fine. She can get up on her own. Stu & Lu agree that with the FIREMEN to bat-a-ram the entryway.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Leave me alone! ”
Start: Erin goes off on Mi-Ya.
Challenging Situation: Can Erin get up on her own?
Conflict: No one listens to Erin.
Action: Erin throws a tantrum.
Finish: 1st Responders barge in.
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
The local TV NEWS CREW van descends on the scene. Erin wallows in self-pity. Mad and sad she fumes. The Police demand to know who Erin Stodermann is as they have a complaint from a parent of child endangerment. Stu & Lu go into protect mode. At hearing the Police she fears the worst. To get even with Erin, Mi-Ya snitches that she is inside, incapacitated.
SCENE SEQUENCE “Erin’s hygiene routine”
Start: Local TV news Crew shows up.
Challenging Situation: Erin’s obesity will be outted.
Conflict: The police want to question Erin.
Action: Stu&Lu protect her.
Finish: Mi-Ya snitches.
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – DAY
Walley finger taps hard on the keyboard. He can’t believe his luck. It’s happening for him. Hopefully. Finally? He names the video “Erin Eats Everything.” He stops, feeling Kandy’s guilty gaze on his back. He assures her that this time, it’s gonna work. He shows Kandy some clips. He calls his Boss and quits.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Erin Eats Everything ”
Start: Walley finishes his sex tape.
Challenging Situation: He feels guilty but not enough.
Conflict: Walley isn’t totally sure it’ll work.
Action: Walley shows Kandy his “Erin Eats Everything” sex tape.
Finish: He calls his Boss and quits.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
The Firemen knock the front door down. ALL pack the house, fan out and search the premises. Erin breathes hard trying to contain herself. Until she screams at the top of her lungs for them to get out! Ms. Chen, Stu & Lu try to calm her, convince her that she needs help. Everyone sees the blood. Erin clocks the shocked expression on the 1St Responders’ faces. They weren’t prepared for a patient her size.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Damn she big! ”
Start: ALL pack the house.
Challenging Situation: They can’t find Erin.
Conflict: 1st Responders can’t lift Erin.
Action: Ms. Chen, Stu&Lu try to calm Erin.
Finish: 1st responders back off Erin.
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Patty confronts the EMT driver, who wants no parts of her. Him. He remembers her as she was born—his son, Patricio. Patty doesn’t deny that but cannot allow him not to help her friend because of her life choices. EMT Dad refuses to hear the argument. As Medics ask health questions, Patty reenters. Erin is still on the floor. A hot mess as People talking around her.
Patty crouches by her friend whose eyes plead with her. A 1st Responder stands over them asking Erin if they could at least test her vitals. Erin agrees. They take her blood pressure, lift her limbs. Ms. Chen cleans up around her. The bleeding stops.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Patty vs Pedro ”
Start: Patty confronts the EMT driver.
Challenging Situation: EMT driver is her estranged FATHER.
Conflict: He won’t help because of Patty’s involvement.
Action: Medics question Erin.
Finish: Erin still on the floor.
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – NIGHT
As Walley sleeps, a counter tallies up the number of hits to Erin’s Live stream and video. A montage of tech travel shows how Erin’s sex tape goes viral.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ The Viewings”
Start: The Erin sex tape shows.
Challenging Situation: Walley is unaware of its success.
Conflict: How will the viral status affect Erin? Walley?
Action: A counter tallies the hits to the sex-tape.
Finish: A Montage of tech travel shows how Erin’s tape goes viral.
ACT 4
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Erin is still on the floor. Snoring. Dried blood sticks to her hand. Candy wrappers, snack bags, pizza boxes, fast food packages surround her. Mi-Ya shows up. She raps on the pane. Erin rouses. She knows who it is. She shoos her away.
Mi-Ya unhinges the bars and pops open the pane. She climbs in. Cat-agility. Mi-Ya picks up the food trash as Erin protests. Mi-Ya ignores her. She drops a gift bag on Erin’s stomach roll. Erin peaks in. She pulls out cat ears, and whiskers. Mi-Ya reiterates nine more lives. The two make-up.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Mi-Ya makes up with Erin ”
Start: Erin sleeps amidst her food binge.
Challenging Situation: Erin is still on the floor.
Conflict: Unspoken tension.
Action: Mi-Ya gift gives.
Finish: They two make up.
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Patty pulls the plywood door away from its frame as Ms. Chen hovers. The two argue. Patty gets a splinter and breaks a nail. She curses Ms. Chen who holds her own. Weird neighbor Guy appears outta nowhere asking about Erin. Both Patty and Ms. Chen gang up on him. He can’t handle their female synergy. He jets.
Ms. Chen and Patty push and shove each other down to Erin’s bedroom. Erin sits on the bed, content, as Mi-Ya affixes her whiskers and cat-eared headband.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Getting in the house ”
Start: Patty and Ms. Chen break in.
Challenging Situation: Who will get in to Erin first?
Conflict: Weird Neighbor Guy shows up in the mix.
Action: Patty pulls away the plywood door. Ms. Chen directs.
Finish: Both get in but push pull down the hallway.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Both Ms. Chen and Patty wonder why Mi-Ya is on time and prepping Erin? Stu & Lu snap them out of their trance as they push through with groceries. Ms. Chen snatches the bags and exits without a word. Patty follows. Mi-Ya knows her mom and besty are upset.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Parental protection ”
Start: Stu & Lu arrive.
Challenging Situation: Mi-Ya and Ms. Chen clash. Erin suspects Stu&Lu.
Conflict: Patty and Ms. Chen sus Mi-Ya.
Action: Mi-Ya preps Erin’s hair and hunger.
Finish: Ms. Chen and Patty leave out in a huff.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Erin greets her parents curious as to how they knew she had fallen. Stu & Lu admit to installing security cameras. Erin is too through them. She asks them to leave. They do. Patty re-enters confused as to why the Stodermann’s are leaving. Patty goes in on Erin. At least she has parents who care. Erin reminds her that they’re not her real parents.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Erin confronts her parents ”
Start: Erin greets her parents.
Challenging Situation: Erin challenges them. How did they arrive so fast?
Conflict: Stu & Lu get caught spying on Erin.
Action: Erin screams on them. Patty reprimands her friend.
Finish: Erin reminds Patty that they’re not her real parents.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Ms. Chen prepares b-fast. Mi-Ya tries to help/make-up. Ms. Chen is not having it. Why was Mi-Ya there without her? The two argue. Mi-Ya leaves after Ms. Chen accuses Mi-Ya of being just like her FATHER. Ms. Chen regrets her words.
SCENE
Start: Ms. Chen makes b-fast.
Challenging Situation: Mi-Ya wants to make-up.
Conflict: Mother/daughter tension.
Action: The two argue.
Finish: Ms. Chen regrets her accusation.
INT. PORN PRESS HEADQUARTERS – DAY
An ASSISTANT rushes in to GINA STELLACIO showing her Erin’s footage.
Excited at the discovery, Gina demands contact with the video/live streamer. The Assistant gets right on it.
SCENE
Start: Erin’s sex tape pops up on the monitor.
Challenging Situation: Discovering who put it out.
Conflict:
Action: Gina demands contact info.
Finish: The Assistant gets right on it.
INT. WALLEY’S TRAILER – DAY
Walley and Kandy are on the outs. Walley’s phone rings. He answers a very professional Assistant who wants to know if he manages the talent in the video. In hushed tones he lies saying he does. Kandy is too through with him. He knows it.
SCENE
Start: Kandy is not talking to Walley.
Challenging Situation: Walley tries to woo her.
Conflict: Kandy and Walley are on the outs.
Action: The Porn Palace Assistant calls Walley.
Finish: Walley lies and says he manages Erin.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Ms. Chen arrives with a healthy b-fast for Erin who refuses. Erin demands to know why Ms. Chen allowed the 1st Responders to rape her. Ms. Chen defends her actions retaliating w/harsh criticism of Erin’s weight, life, dependency on her. Patty intervenes. Erin kicks Ms. Chen out.
Patty sages the room. Erin reminds Patty of her faith. The two reminisce—fat camp, gay camp. Patty pulls out all the Communion bottles from around the room. Erin retrieves a chocolate stash and a Cucumber. A moment passes between them. Maybe they shouldn’t do what they’ve done before?
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Patty referees ”
Start: Ms. Chen force feeds Erin.
Challenging Situation: Erin rejects Ms. Chen and
Conflict: Erin confronts Ms. Chen about not protecting her from the 1st Responders.
Action: Erin argues with Ms. Chen. Patty steps in. She sages the room.
Finish: Erin kicks Ms. Chen out and reminisces with Patty.
ACT 5
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE/WALLEY’S TRAILER/PORN PRESS HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Alone, buck naked and a little tipsy Erin stands fully naked. Patty wraps her arms around her from behind, her chin resting on her shoulder. Patty affirms Erin’s beauty. Erin isn’t buying it. She picks herself apart. They’re both drunk. Patty leaves.
Walley watches the live feed. He doesn’t get what’s going on between Patty and Erin. Gina watches, thinking Walley’s duped her into regular gay porn. She’s pissed.
SCENE SEQUENCE “ Look at me ”
Start: Patty and Erin are drunk.
Challenging Situation: Are Erin and Patty lovers?
Conflict: Gina feels duped by Walley’s live stream.
Action: Patty affirms Erin’s beauty.
Finish: Patty Leaves.
EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Neighbor Guy lurks. He spots Patty stumbling out of the house. He offers her a ride. Patty ain’t that drunk, so she accepts.
SCENE
Start: Patty stumbles out the house.
Challenging Situation: Patty has no way home.
Conflict: Should Patty get in neighbor guys car?
Action: Neighbor Guy offers Patty a ride.
Finish: Patty accepts.
INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
A Medic text-to-reply message alerts Erin. She texts back. Still tipsey.
The medic calls with test results. All of Erin’s vitals were normal for her age given her size. Erin eye-rolls, about to hang up, when the medic expresses condolences for the loss of the baby. Erin is in shock. More shade from the medic whose dumbfounded that someone her size could even get pregnant. Erin clicks off.
SCENE
Start: Erin is still tipsy.
Challenging Situation: Should she finish the bottle, alone?
Conflict: Erin loses a baby.
Action: Erin slips down to her bed in shock.
Finish: Erin sobers up.
-
Sharilyn’s Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is…write action = right act.
Show Concept: A 600lb. millennial on a weight loss journey unknowingly becomes an underground porn star after a desperate XXX engineer hacks her phone camera.
Inciting Incident: After she falls and can’t get up, Erin’s obesity is on blast by the ultimate hack from family, friends, 1st Responders, a Neighbor, and of course, Walley, the sleazy XXX engineer who gets it all on film
A Story: Invasion of Erin’ s privacy and her weight loss struggle
B Story: Erin’s family, friends, and folks, in general, objectifying her fat
C Story: Societal rejection
TEASER
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom – Night
Description Erin moans and groans alone, in the dark. Sounds of a wrapper opening. A condom package perhaps?
EXT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Night
Description A crazy full moon? No! Flood lights from across the street outline a fat arm, then plump fingers, reaching in and around full lips as in and out the finger goes.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Bed – Night
Description CREEK! CREEK! The bed herks and jerks. It bounces and flounces.
EXT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Night
Description A man’s voice moans in tandem with the motion of the bed.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table – Night
Description Walley pecks away, complaining to Kandy about the job, his BOSS, the “WATCHERS”
ACT 1
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Bed – Day
Description Erin rouses after binge eating. She digs around finding a sizeable knife.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Erin pushes out bars and props open the window with the knife. a little BIRDIE greets her. They talk. She feeds it and herself. We see cuts on her fat forearm.
EXT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description A familiar food delivery service GUY drops off a bag.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Erin reaches through a curtain hiding herself. More cuts are visible.
EXT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Elementary KIDS run up, are dropped off by MIGRANT/DAYWORKER pick-up trucks, chattering in Spanish.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Erin greets each kid with a cookie, for herself too, while gently encouraging their English greeting.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Kitchenette/Microwave – Day
Description Kandy poses lifeless in front of the microwave.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Kitchenette/Booth – Day
Description Walley rises from his seat to help Kandy get his coffee.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Kitchenette/Cabinet – Day
Description Walley searches for his “pick-me-up.” He finds it . He kisses it.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Kitchenette/Microwave – Day
Description Walley pours into the mug, he holds. It’s hot! He offers Kandy a sip. She’s frozen in the moment. He remembers she doesn’t drink. He offers her a few pills. She refuses them too.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Kitchenette/Booth – Day
Description Walley stuffs Kandy down across him. She reaches for his hand. They bless breakfast. Walley goes in again on his boss, night work. His thoughts drift outward as she talks aloud about quitting, her former sex work, them living off the grid away from the “Watchers.”
EXT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Patty saunters up shopping bags, make-up totes in hand. She spills the Tee to SOMEONE on her celly. The kids are mesmerized and a little confused all at once, she shoos them away.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Erin gives Patty the look of death.
EXT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Patty hangs up, fed up with all the little kids clamoring. She demands Erin open the door.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Erin sends the kids on their way while rummaging for her phone.
ON PHONE SCREEN: The image of Patty patting her foot, popping her gum, just being all out too through with her besty, Erin.
BACK TO SCENE
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table – Day
Description Jumbled wires. Beeps, bells, and alerts go off. An obnoxiously large monitor faces Walley as a comb-overed, self-important BOSS pops on screen to berate Walley’s work performance. Walley stammers through a series of apologies.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Doorway – Day
Description Kandy proudly watches over her man.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table – Day
Description ON Walley’s fingers as he pushes MUTE. Walley talks back to his Boss, forcefully saying all the things he wants to say to his face. His boss tilts his head, furrows his unibrow and reprimands. Walley stammers. A childhood stuttering problem returns.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table/Keyboard – Day
Description A close-up shows a special button. Smudged. As Walley scratches the stain away it reads “MORE.” Walley looks to Kandy.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Doorway – Day
Description Kandy tilts backward, lightly hitting the floor. Her expressionless face stares up at chipped ceiling tiles.
ACT 2
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom – Day
Description Food clutter litters the room. Patty maneuvers around the mess, plopping totes down. Spilling T. She goes in on Erin’s hair. Erin sits, munching.
EXT. Erin’s House – Front Door – Day
Description Ms. Chen arrives. Fussy.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom – Day
Description Erin interrupts Patty’s beauty prep to buzz in Ms. Chen. ON PHONE SCREEN Ms. Chen at the Door.
BACK TO SCENE
INT. Erin’s House – Hallway – Day
Description Ms. Chen tramples through bitching all the way. Cursing in Chinese.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom – Day
Description Ms. Chen flips at the sight of the room. She straightens up all the while stepping on Patty’s toes. The two side eye, catfight, complain. Erin in the middle of it all, chomps from every nook and cranny in her immediate space. Phone in hand.
EXT. Erin’s House – Front Door – Day
Description Mi-Ya in full furry cat gear, MEOWS and PURRS.
EXT. Erin’s House – Across the Street – Day
Description Neighbor Guy films the Erin’s front door arrivals.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table – Day
Description ON MONITOR Mi-Ya at Erin’s front door. Loud cat sounds.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Bedroom – Day
Description Walley spoons with Kandy. At hearing the cat sounds he rouses.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Kitchenette – Day
Description Walley searches for KITTY.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table – Day
Description Walley spots Mi-Ya ON SCREEN.
BACK TO SCENE
He rushes to the monitor. Sits. Starts punching keys. He realizes his hack has landed him in a real house. He calls for Kandy.
INT. Erin’s House – Hallway – Day
Description Mi-Ya playfully trounces toward Erin’s Bedroom.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom – Day
Description Ms. Chen Stops in her tracks at Mi-Ya’s appearance. She checks her watch. Frowns. Curses Mi-Ya’s tardiness.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Doorway – Day
Description Mi-Ya nixes Ms. Chen off instead excitedly reaching in a matchy fur pouch to show Erin a new muumuu.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Bed – Day
Description OFF Erin’s disappointed face.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Doorway – Day
Description Ms. Chen snatches the muumuu. Reprimands Mi-Ya, who sighs, scratches at her mother in protest. Ms. Chen demands that Patty leave the room.
MONTAGE: Mi-Ya and Ms. Chen strip Erin. She spreads out fully nude ready for a hog wash.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table – Day
Description Kandy sits next to Walley. They both stare at the screen. Walley covers his eyes to protect the integrity of his relationship with Kandy. He removes his hands and gawks.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Erin is fabulously fat as she goes over a morning song with the kids.
EXT. Erin’s House – Across the Street – Day
Description Neighbor Guy films the kids.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Erin spots Neighbor Guy filming. She screams at him. The kids scatter.
EXT. Erin’s House – Across the Street – Day
Description Neighbor Guy schleps away.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Erin mutters to herself. She slams the window down forgetting the knife propping it up. It cracks, striking a crouching Kid.
EXT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description The Kid whimpers.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Erin hears the cries. She digs around for a snack to sooth the crying kid. She reaches out to deliver the snack.
EXT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description The kid immediately stops crying and thanks Erin in Spanish. She responds in English. The kids runs off.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table – Day
Description Walley and Kandy sit dumbfounded at what they just witnessed. Walley realizes that this live stream is golden. We see his mind clicking. Kandy disapproves. Walley reminds her of her past as a blow-up doll sex worker and how successful she was. That was how they met. He knows he shouldn’t but he has to paste up and post what he’s seen.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Bed – Night
Description Erin heaves herself up. She stands upright. A little unsteady. She breathes deeply survey the food chaos in her room. Her eyes land on a CORNER where Patty left a plastic bag. A knowing smile creeps across her face.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Corner – Night
Description Erin takes baby steps over to the bag. What? The bitch can walk! She easily bends over at the waist to grab up the bag. Her round ass moons Walley.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table – Night
Description Walley’s disheveled. Bug-eyed. Unshaved. Kandy sits with the same look on her face. Glued to the monitor ON SCREEN: Erin’s huge, apple bottom.
BACK TO SCENE
Walley rationalizes watching Erin. What the footage of her will do for them. Kandy’s not buying it.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Bed – Night
Description Erin digs around for a knife. She breathes hard, hot and heavy. She sweats. Walking is work. She pulls out a ZUCCHINI. CUCUMBER, then an unripe PLANTAIN. She sniffs, presses, and pinches each. She rubs them against her breast flesh for smoothness. The Plantain tip pokes her. She pitches it across the room. She weighs the zucchini and cucumber, one in each hand. She measures for length and thickness. The Zucchini wins. She cuts the tip. Lifts her stomach, slides it down to her HooHa. She throws her head back and moans. Let the food fuck begin.
LATER…
Erin drenches in water. She licks her lips, smacks her tongue in her mouth. Parched, she needs a drink. She yanks herself up. Woozey.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Floor – Night
Description Erin steps on the Plantain, slips and slams to the floor! In pain, she can’t get up.
ACT 3
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table – Night
Description BANG! Kandy stares at the monitor. ON SCREEN: a large shadowy figure of Erin awkwardly lying on the floor.
BACK TO SCENE
Walley rushes in. He checks Kandy then turns his attention to the monitor.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Floor – Day
Description Erin moans in pain. She tries to roll over. She wipes herself. Soak and wet. She sees the blood o her palm and screams.
EXT. Erin’s House – Front Door – Day
Description Neighbor Guy pounds on the door, pushes the doorbell as Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya stroll up.
EXT. Erin’s House – Driveway – Day
Description Erin’s Parents STU & LU race into a spot. They jump out in a panic.
EXT. Erin’s House – Street – Day
Description Migrant parents and kids low-ride by. Curious, they stop, chattering in Spanish.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table – Day
Description Walley justifies his live stream to Kandy recognizing Erin’s hurt.
EXT. Erin’s House – Front Door – Day
Description Stu & Lu beg Erin to open the door as a CROWD gathers. Mi-Ya tiptoes around to Erin’s window. Neighbor Guy’s eyes follow Mi-Ya
EXT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Mi-Ya taps out the secret knock on the pane. She enquires about Erin’s state. Snarky Erin responds. The two go back and forth about getting help. Erin is adamant about not wanting any 1st Responders showing up.
EXT. Erin’s House – Street – Day
Description Sirens WHIR. Too late.
INT. EMT Van – Moving – Street – Day
A middle-aged Latin Hotty crosses himself and touches a dangling Jesus pendant
EXT. Erin’s House – Front Door – Day
Description Patty argues everyone down about barging in on Erin. She ceases her rant as the EMT Van pulls up.
EXT. Police car/Fire Trucks – Moving – Street – Day
Sexy POLICE and Hot Fire dudes answer the call of duty.
INT. Erin’s House – Floor – Day
Description Erin goes off on Mi-Ya who was just trying to help.
EXT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Neighbor guy snaps a sneaky video of Mi-Ya talking through the Window. Her cat senses pick up the filming. She turns on him. He flees.
INT. Erin’s House – Floor – Day
Description Erin throws a tantrum. Why can’t Everyone just leave her alone?
EXT. Erin’s House – Front Door – Day
Description Patty makes eye contact with the EMT Drivers. He nods “nope” turns on his heels at the behest of his COLLEAGUES. Patty marches behind him.
INT. Erin’s House – Floor – Day
Description Erin pleads with erveyone to leave her alone she’s fine. It’ll just take her a minute to get up, but she can. On her own.
EXT. Erin’s House – Front Door – Day
Description Ms. Chen refutes every word Erin yells through the door. Stu & Lu plan with the FIREMEN a bat-a-ram the entryway. The Police demand to know who Erin Stodermann is as they have a complaint from a parent of child endangerment. Stu & Lu go into protect mode. Pissed, Mi-Ya snitches that Erin is inside, incapacitated.
EXT. Erin’s House – Street – Day
Description Local TV NEWS CREW descends on the scene.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table – Day
Description Walley finger taps hard on the keyboard. He can’t believe his luck. It’s happening for him, finally. He names it “Erin Eats Everything.” He stops, feeling Kandy’s guilty gaze on his back. He assures her that this time, it’s gonna work. He calls his Boss and quits.
INT. Erin’s House – Hallway– Day
Description The Firemen knock the front door down. ALL pack the house, fan out and search the premises.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom –Day
Description Erin screams at the top of her lungs for them to get out! Ms. Chen Stu & Lu try to calm her, convince her that she needs help. They see the blood. Erin clocks the shocked expression on the 1St Responders’ faces. They weren’t prepared for a patient her size.
EXT. Erin’s House – Driveway – Day
Description Patty confronts the EMT driver, who wants no parts of her.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom – Day
Description As Medics ask health questions, Patty reenters. Erin is still on the floor.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Floor – Day
Description Patty crouches by her friend whose eyes plead with her. An EMT stands over them asking Erin if they could at least test her vitals. Erin agrees. They take her blood pressure, lift her limbs. Ms. Chen cleans up around her. The bleeding stops. The COPS state their reason for being there. Patty answers for Erin.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table – Night
Description ON MONITOR: a counter tallies the endless hits to Erin’s live stream
BACK TO SCENE
ACT 4
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Floor – Day
Description Erin is still on the floor. Snoring. Dried blood sticks to her hand. Candy wrappers, snack bags, pizza boxes, fast food packages surround her.
EXT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Mi-Ya shows up. She raps on the pane.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Floor – Day
Description Erin rouses. She knows who it is. She shoos her away.
EXT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Window – Day
Description Mi-Ya unhinges the bars and pops open the pane. She climbs in. Cat-agility.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Floor – Day
Description Mi-Ya picks up the food trash as Erin protests. Mi-Ya ignores her. She drops a gift bag on Erin’s stomach roll. Erin peaks in. She pulls out cat ears, and whiskers. Mi-Ya reiterates nine more lives.
EXT. Erin’s House – Front Door – Day
Description Patty pulls the plywood door away from its frame as Ms. Chen directs the reno. The two argue. Patty gets a splinter and breaks a nail. She curses Ms. Chen who holds her own. Weird neighbor Guy appears outta nowhere asking about Erin. Both Patty and Ms. Chen gang up on him. He can’t handle the female energy.
INT. Erin’s House – Hallway – Day
Description Ms. Chen and Patty push and shove each other to Erin’s bedroom
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Bed – Day
Description Erin sits on the bed as Mi-Ya affixes her whiskers and cat-eared headband.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Doorway – Day
Description Both Ms. Chen and wonder why Mi-Ya is on time and prepping Erin? Stu & Lu snap them out of their trance as they push through with groceries.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom – Day
Description Ms. Chen snatches the bags and exits without a word. Mi-Ya follows. She knows her mom is upset.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom/Bed – Day
Description Erin greets her parents curious as to how they knew she had fallen. Patty goes straight to Erin’s mop of hair. Stu & Lu admit to installing security cameras. Erin is too through them. She asks them to leave. They do. Patty goes in on Erin. At least she has parents who care. Erin reminds her that they’re not her real parents.
INT. Erin’s House – Kitchen – Day
Description Ms. Chen prepares b-fast. Mi-Ya tries to help/make-up. Ms. Chen is not having it. Why was Mi-Ya there without her? The two argue. Mi-Ya leaves after Ms. Chen accuses Mi-Ya of being just like her FATHER. Ms. Chen regrets her words.
INT. Porn Press Headquarters – Office – Day
Description An ASSISTANT rushes in to GINA STELLACIO showing her Erin’s footage.
Excited at the discovery, Gina demands contact with the video/live streamer
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Kitchenette – Day
Description Walley and Kandy are on the outs. Walley’s phone rings. He answers a very professional Assistant who wants to know if he manages the talent in the video. Walley lies saying he does. Kandy is too through with him. He knows it.
INT. Erin’s Bedroom – Day
Description Ms. Chen arrives with a healthy b-fast for Erin who refuses. Instead she demands to know why Ms. Chen allowed the 1st Responders to rape her. Ms. Chen defends her actions retaliating w/harsh criticism of Erin’s weight, life, dependency on her. Patty intervenes. Erin kicks Ms. Chen out.
INT. Erin’s Bedroom – Day
Description Patty sages the room. Erin reminds Patty of her faith. The two reminisce—fat camp, gay camp. Patty pulls out all the Communion bottles from around the room. Erin retrieves a chocolate stash and a Cucumber. A moment passes between them. Maybe they shouldn’t do what they’ve done before?
ACT 5
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom – Night
Description Alone, buck naked and a little tipsy Erin stands fully naked. Patty wraps her arms around her from behind, her chin resting on her shoulder. Patty affirms Erin’s beauty. Erin isn’t buying it. They’re both drunk. Patty leaves.
INT. Walley’s Trailer – Computer Table – Night
Description Walley watches the live feed. He doesn’t get what’s going on between Patty and Erin?
INT. Porn Press Headquarters – Office – Night
Description Gina watches thinking Walley’s duped her into regular gay porn. She’s pissed.
EXT. Erin’s House – Across the Street – Night
Description Neighbor Guy lurks. He spots Patty leaving the house. He offers her a ride. Patty accepts.
INT. Erin’s House – Bedroom – Night
Description Erin’s text alert sounds. ON SCREEN: Medic text-to-reply message. Erin texts back.
BACK TO SCENE
The medic calls with test results. All of her vitals were normal for her age given her size. Erin rolls her eyes and is about to hang up when the medic expresses condolences for the loss of the BABY. Erin is in shock. More shade from the medic whose dumbfounded that someone her size could even get pregnant. Erin clicks off.
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Sharilyn’s setting up the Future
What I learned doing this assignment is…most episodic plots start in the pilot.
I just wanna use the events/character reveals/under-the-surface Info that is already in the pilot. I feel like I am muddling the Big Picture of the series with too much stuff. If anything I need to brainstorm more to further flesh out HOW these things can show up.
Events (That are) *(That could be)
➢ Weight loss journey * Exposure to the “soft” porn world
➢ Viral video montage * Ms. Chen fighting w/her soon-2B-ex
➢ Losing a baby
➢ Deflating Kandy
➢ Erin’s Arrest(?)
➢ 1st Responders Fat Shaming, refusing to help
➢ Erin food fucking
➢ Ms. Chen taste testing Erin’s food
➢ Erin teaching migrant kids
Character reveals (That are) *(That could be)
➢ Erin is a food freak *Ms. Chen’s deportation status
➢ Erin is not a virgin * Erin’s biological parents
➢ Mi-Ya resents her mother’s devotion to Erin * Patty into porn
➢ Ms. Chen’s tough love is self serving
➢ Stu&Lu don’t want Erin to grow up, out, discover her biological parents
➢ Patty struggles with being non-binary, keeping her man-junk, being religious
➢ Patty’s parents’ cruelty
➢ Neighbor Guy’s a creeper who is working for who??
➢ Mi-Ya has a fat-fashion fantasy career
➢ Walley is vulnerable and just wants to have success
Under-the-surface Info (That is) (That could be)
➢ Erin is not innocent * Fat folks fuck too!
➢ Walley is not the only one profiting off of Erin
➢ Walley is not unethical, just misguided
➢ Kandy Kane is Walley’s conscious
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Sharilyn’s adding Empathy / Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is…pain is plot progress.
1. Look through your outline and see if any of these as a bigger frame for your story, or if you already have it in the story, can you emphasize or expand it:
• A. Crucible-Erin won’t leave her house even though she falls, bleeds, and can’t get up
• B. Betrayal-Ms. Chen calls the 1st Responders against Erin’s wishes
• C. Forced Decision-Erin vows to lose weight
• D. Hurt those they love-Mi-Ya, Ms. Chen, Patty all leave her alone, to eat
• F. Exposed-Erin loses a baby she didn’t know she was pregnant
• G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences-Walley posts the video he makes of Erin
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Outline
Teaser:
Essence: Over black, moans, groans, clicking keyboard sounds. Eating? Fucking? Typing? An excited “Yes!” Climax reached.
surface LAYER: People are aroused
• Mystery: Sounds like one thing but could be another
• Deception: The sounds come from two excited people-both in same space?
• Secret Identity: It’s a man and woman but what is the relationship, if any?
• Strange Behavior: If it’s not your sex style, then the sounds are normal otherwise very animalistic
beneath LAYER: Erin eats out of boredom. Walley gets paid, but not enough, to hack.
• Erin-Beginning: In her bedroom, safe. Chillin’ and eating.
REVEAL: Food and hacking, in separate places, excite Erin and Walley
Turning Point: A deep belch. Snoring.
• Walley-Beginning: Dark hours of the night or day? Face lighted by computer glare. Talking to himself? Hacking.
Open Loop:
Mystery:
• A. Crucible-Erin is trapped. She hasn’t eaten all day.
• F. Exposed-The neighbor across the street has flood lights that shine directly onto Erin’s room
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
• Extreme consequences-The refrigerator is chained shut; the cabinets padlocked
Act 1:
Essence: Song like Weird Al Yankovich’s “Eat it!” awakens grossly obese Erin who barely moves in a sunken twin bed. She feeds the birds and herself via delivery. KIDS clamor at her window.
surface LAYER: Erin is a caring, bedridden teacher.
• Intrigue: Why are elementary KIDS hanging out under a window?
• Mystery: BIRDS fly to Erin’s window, like old Disney “Snow White”
• Secret: Knife props up the window
• Secret Identity: A lecherous NEIGHBOR waves to Erin from across the street. She doesn’t wave back
• Hidden Layer: Walley complains about hacking job, but kowtows when BOSS shows up on screen
• Strange Behavior: Food delivery GUY(?) knowingly delivers to Erin’s window
beneath LAYER: Erin’s window is a lifeline.
REVEAL: Erin watches the world through her window.
• Patty-Opening: Saunters up for Erin’s snack order for the day. Kids admire Patty
Turning Point: Walley reviews Erin footage in his trailer alongside his blow-up doll girlfriend
surface LAYER: Walley is a recluse creeper.
• Deception: Walley works on his own porno hack. The only site that he thinks gov’t doesn’t monitor.
• Accusation: Kandy Kane accuses Walley of trying to get her to go back to being a blow-up DOLL when that is what she is
beneath LAYER: Walley believes he has to protect his trailer from government intrusion. Conspiracy.
Everyone is watching him.
• Walley-Turning Point: Hacks Erin’s room thru her phone as an example to Kandy
• Walley-(Dilemma is optional.) Walley can’t convince Kandy that his hacking will pan out/protect them
Open Loop: Will Walley’s relationship with a blow-up doll continue?
Mystery: Why does Erin teach through her window?
• D. Hurt those they love – Walley deflates Kandy
• G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences – Erin closes her window
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
• Undeserved misfortune – knife bends, hurts a kid, Erin gets charged w/child endangerment
• Extreme consequences – Parents bombard Erin’s house b/c of kid injuries
• Major loss – Erin loses parental trust
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
• Make it more painful – neighbor across the street tries to help; he’s a pervert
• Create more loss – Popo shows up to investigate
Make it more physically threatening
Act 2:
Essence: Erin gets weighed and washed by her caretaker, Ms. Chen & besty#2 Mi-Ya. Besty #1 Patty prances around, pumping Erin up for the day
surface LAYER: Everyone on board with helping Erin get healthy, feel good about her fat self
• Intriguing World: Walley’s browser lands on a “safe” porn site
• Deception: Patty leaves a bag of cucumbers, vegie dildos, in corner. She Erin talk in code about the firmness, thickness, length
• Wound: Cut marks on Erin’s arm physical and emotional scar
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen prepares Erin’s food with a little more flavor, she taste tests it
• Hidden Layer: Mi-Ya ½ helps her mom wash Erin because it puts all the attention on Erin
• Strange Behavior: Ms. Chen checks the room. Finds small razor blades. Mi-Ya measures Erin. Ms. Chen weighs Erin by blood pressure cuff
beneath LAYER: Erin enjoys the attention. Patty gets to practice her make-up artistry, Mi-Ya gets a free model for her Fat Femme Fashion line; Ms. Chen gets “paid” well
• Patty-Beginning: Super sexy and confident in preparing Erin’s hair & make-up for the day
• Ms. Chen-Beginning: Fussing over Erin. Washing her. Weighing her.
• Mi-Ya-Beginning: Sassy while assisting her mom in washing/weighing Erin
REVEAL: Patty takes pictures and sends them off; Mi-Ya measures Erin. Also photographing Erin; Ms. Chen fixes eating equipment in Erin’s room, tidy’s up. Erin’s routine pops-up on Walley’s screen
• Mi-Ya-Ending: She challenges Erin to get fit for her fat fashion line
• Walley-Turning Point 2: Kandy Kane blow-up Doll girlfriend resents the time he spends hacking. They argue. He doesn’t want her to return to work in sex-trade industry
Turning Point/Midpoint: Later, alone, in the dark, Erin falls and she can’t get up.
surface LAYER: Erin is hungry all the time
• Intrigue: Erin eats in the dark, like it’s a sexual.
beneath LAYER: She masturbates with food at night. Then eats it.
• Mystery: Heavy footsteps sound.
• Secret: Erin can walk.
• Erin-Turning Point: She falls out of bed, reaching for a snack. No one in her room. She can’t get herself up.
REVEAL: Erin can walk. Baby steps.
• Patty-Turning Point: She can’t help Erin get up, too concerned about her look
• Patty-Midpoint: Patty and Ms. Chen fight over call/not call the 1st Responder.
Erin’s bleeding from somewhere. Parents Stu&Lu, Ms. Chen rush to her aid
surface LAYER: Erin’s parents really care. Period blood or blood from the fall.
beneath LAYER: Erin’s a cutter-her masturbation food ritual.
REVEAL: Erin’s knives in her room, under the bed, for “protection.” Parents check “security” cameras
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point: She calls the 1st Responders against Erin’s wishes
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point: She doesn’t wanna help Erin get up because it helps her mom
• Erin-(Dilemma is optional.) Erin has to leave the house to see the doctor about her bleeding
• Walley-(Dilemma is optional) Report the Erin footage or use it?
Open Loop: How will Walley’s footage change Erin’s life, if he posts it?
What are the cuts on Erin’s arm?
Will Erin be able to take care of herself?
Mystery: Who else is watching Erin?
Why is Erin so fat?
What’s behind the tension w/Mi-Ya, Erin & Ms. Chen?
• A. Crucible – Erin can’t get up off the floor
• C. Forced Decision – Erin must take a pregnancy test
• D. Hurt those they love – her parents and caretaker don’t help
• F. Exposed – Erin eats her last supper
• G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences – Erin won’t leave her house
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
• External character conflicts – Erin is ridicules for being fat
• Major loss – Popo show up again
• Brings their wound present – Memories of Erin’s tormenting by fat shamers appear
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
• Raise the stakes – Neighbor across the street strikes a deal with Walley
Make it more physically threatening
Act 3:
Essence: 1st Responders can’t get Erin out of her house. Convince her to leave. She’s humiliated.
surface LAYER: Erin’s afraid to go outside.
• Intrigue: Why won’t Erin leave her house? Tell them she can walk?
• Mystery: Where is she bleeding from?
• Secret: Walley watches the whole Erin “fall and can’t get up” fiasco.
• Deception: Blood from the legs but really from her va-jay-jay.
• Wound: Kids’ PARENTS see Erin’s immobility as a safety hazard
• Accusation: Assumed Erin can’t be pregnant by 1st RESPONDERS.
beneath LAYER: Erin doesn’t wanna leave her safe place. Show that she can walk.
REVEAL: Everyone sees/not see Erin. They ignore her wishes about her body.
• Patty-Turning Point 2: Patty’s DAD shows up as one of the 1st Responders. She fights with him.
• Erin-Turning Point 2: Erin’s bleeding “examination” is humiliating.
• Ms. Chen-Midpoint: Ms. Chen doesn’t defend Erin’s weight nor protect her during fat-shaming
• Erin-Major Conflict: She refuses to leave/see a doctor.
Turning Point: Her besty Patty protects her, while Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya turn on Erin.
Patty confronts her Father, an ambulance driver. Walley previews his “Fat Bitch Pitch” for porno
surface LAYER: Ambulance driver is a former LOVER. Walley targets Erin.
beneath LAYER: Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya are sick of Erin’s neediness.
REVEAL: Walley redirect his surveillance cameras. Stumbles upon Erin. Researches “Porn for profit”
• Walley-Midpoint: Watches the whole 1st Responder fiasco while simultaneously editing footage
• Intriguing World: Soft porn-internet montage of fetishizers
• Patty-Major Conflict: Patty’s dad refuses to help his colleagues lift Erin’s limbs
• Strange Behavior: After seeing Patty, MALE EMT won’t help Erin. Weird Neighbor guy offers to help/clean Erin up/transport her
Open Loop: Why does Walley target Erin?
If Erin doesn’t teach, what will she do?
What is the essence of a fat fetish?
Why does EMT refuse to help Erin?
Mystery: Why is the Neighbor so into Erin?
Why doesn’t Erin tell/show that she can walk?
Why is Patty so overprotective?
• B. Betrayal – Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya turn on Erin for different reasons
• F. Exposed – Neighbor across the street send Walley footage
• G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
• Undeserved misfortune – EMT GUY won’t help Erin
• External character conflicts _ Patty and the EMT GUY get into it;
• Witnessing the pain of others – Erin is in physical pain after the fall
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
• Make it more painful – News vans show up like getting Erin out the house is a spectacle
• Raise the stakes _ People take bets on whether or not Erin’ll get up, they’ll get her out of the house
• Create more loss – Erin rejected from teacher ed. certificate program
• Put any goal, need, value, wound at significant risk
• Make it more physically threatening
Act 4:
Essence: Erin confides in Patty about her fat-shame. Erin & Patty reminisce
surface LAYER: Erin thanks Patty for being there for her.
• Mystery: Is Patty hetero? homo? bi? Why?
• Mystery: Who da’baby daddy?
• Secret: Walley doesn’t tell Kandy but he compiles Erin footage.
• Deception: Stu&Lu’s security camera’s all over Erin’s house in back
• Secret Identity: Erin’s adopted
• Wound: Erin is okay with being fat just doesn’t know why she’s this fat?
beneathLAYER: Erin and Patty “did it” after a wild night of cutting, drinking, eating
• Intrigue: Patty had a Patricio moment with Erin
REVEAL: Erin dissatisfied with Ms. Chen, Mi-Ya, Patty caring for her.
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point 2: Ms. Chen drags Stu&Lu into ganging up on Erin
• Mi-Ya-Midpoint: She sides with her mom about Erin’s weight taking over her life
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point 2: She presents more fashionable muumuu’s to Erin’s dislike
• Mi-Ya-Major Conflict: She fights with Erin
Turning Point: Walley’s Erin footage goes viral
• Hidden Layer: Walley wants to be an independent contractor. No more gov’t hacking.
• Intriguing World: Porn Press headquarters Gina “discovers” Walley’s work
• Ms. Chen-Major Conflict: Mi-Ya defends Erin to her mom, Ms. Chen, who has 2nd thoughts about how she handled Erin
Open Loop: Will Patty & Erin hook up?
Can Erin get pregnant again?
Will Patty go back to being Patricio?
Will Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya resolve their mother/daughter squabble?
How far will Walley take his Erin hack?
Mystery: Why was Erin given up by her bio parents for adoption?
Why is Walley so unethical?
What are Stu,Lu, Ms. Chen hiding?
• E. Emotional Dilemma – Patty resents being non-binary
• F. Exposed – Neighbor across the street watching Erin too
• G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences – Walley goes rogue against Kandy
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
• Undeserved misfortune Walley gets fired, Erin goes undiagnosed
• External character conflicts Erin and Mi-Ya go at it
• Plans that failed – Erin hates Mi-Ya’s muumuu designs
• Brings their wound present Erin remembers the last time she got fitted for a dress
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
• Make it more painful – Erin pulls out her adoption papers focusing on parents “unknown”
• Create more loss – Pizza delivery and other food Ride-Share people tell Erin they can’t come by
Make it more physically threatening
Act 5:
Essence: Erin vows to lose weight. Porno press flags Erin footage.
surface LAYER: Erin is innocent.
• Intrigue: Erin weighs herself
• Wound: Remembering Fat camp
beneath LAYER: Erin wants a man, not a cucumber.
• Accusation: Patty accuses Erin od being a secret-sexer
REVEAL: Erin picks her body apart in a full-length mirror.
• Erin-Midpoint: Fat shaming 1st responders, neighbors, family, friends make her see herself as they do
• Strange Behavior: Mi-Ya shows Erin new muumuu line. Erin hates it
• Ms. Chen-(Dilemma is optional.) Help Erin by coddling or hurt her by making her face the truth? Tough Love.
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen discourages Erin
• Major Conflict: Walley reviews, edits and sends off his Erin pitch
• Intriguing World: Internet soft porn sites
Lock In: Medic calls Erin revealing she lost a baby. WTF!?! She didn’t even know she was preggers!
• Ms. Chen-Ending: Ms. Chen face in security camera caught by Mi-Ya
• Patty-Ending: Erin consoles Patty who leaves her in a huff
• Mystery: How? When? Who? Erin’s sexual encounters
• Erin-Ending: Erin discovers she was preggers.
• Mi-Ya-(Dilemma is optional.) Tell Erin that her mom has a camera on her or not?
• Ending: Chubby Chasers, porno folks blow up Walley’s phone
Open Loop: How will Erin lose the weight?
Will Erin get a man?
What is the “soft” porn internet world like?
Will fat-shame plague Erin?
Who is helping Walley with the camera work?
Does Kandy Kane stay or go along with Walley?
What will Erin do to escape the over-bearers in her life?
Mystery: Why does Ms. Chen discourage Erin?
What happened at Fat Camp?
• A. Crucible – Erin is trapped in her body
• B. Betrayal – Patty can’t get over Erin not telling her she was pregnant
• D. Hurt those they love – Ms. Chen comes for Erin’s neck
• E. Emotional Dilemma – Erin has to weigh herself
• F. Exposed – Erin’s footage goes viral
• G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences – Stay fat or lose some weight?
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
• Undeserved misfortune – Erin loses the baby
• External character conflicts – Erin vs all her besties, Walley, family
• Extreme consequences – Erin told that due to her weight, she’d never conceive
• Major loss – the baby
• Brings their wound present – Weighing in at fat camp memory. Erin only one no lose weight
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
• Raise the stakes – in “soft” porn world we see NO fat folks
Make it more physically threatening
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Sharilyn’s Open Loops and Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is…the plot & character details must work toward the ACT T.P.’s so that the show flows.
**4. Tell us which Open Loops and Mysteries you’ve added and the effect on the interest level of the outline.
I added a possible open loop and mystery to each ACT, which I think just makes the show more interesting and even allows me space to be funny. The situational context gets deeper when I ask the past and future question. I can even see how episodes will evolve from the loops and mysteries.
Growing Outline
Teaser:
Essence: Over black, moans, groans, clicking keyboard sounds. Eating? Fucking? Typing? An excited “Yes!” Climax reached.
surface LAYER: People are aroused
• Mystery: Sounds like one thing but could be another
• Deception: The sounds come from two excited people-both in same space?
• Secret Identity: It’s a man and woman but what is the relationship, if any?
• Strange Behavior: If it’s not your sex style, then the sounds are normal otherwise very animalistic
beneath LAYER: Erin eats out of boredom. Walley gets paid, but not enough, to hack.
• Erin-Beginning: In her bedroom, safe. Chillin’ and eating.
REVEAL: Food and hacking, in separate places, excite Erin and Walley
Turning Point: A deep belch. Snoring.
• Walley-Beginning: Dark hours of the night or day? Face lighted by computer glare. Talking to himself? Hacking.
Open Loop:
Mystery:
Act 1:
Essence: Song like Weird Al Yankovich’s “Eat it!” awakens grossly obese Erin who barely moves in a sunken twin bed. She feeds the birds and herself via delivery. KIDS clamor at her window.
surface LAYER: Erin is a caring, bedridden teacher.
• Intrigue: Why are elementary KIDS hanging out under a window?
• Mystery: BIRDS fly to Erin’s window, like old Disney “Snow White”
• Secret: Knife props up the window
• Secret Identity: A lecherous NEIGHBOR waves to Erin from across the street. She doesn’t wave back
• Hidden Layer: Walley complains about hacking job, but kowtows when BOSS shows up on screen
• Strange Behavior: Food delivery GUY(?) knowingly delivers to Erin’s window
beneath LAYER: Erin’s window is a lifeline.
REVEAL: Erin watches the world through her window.
• Patty-Opening: Saunters up for Erin’s snack order for the day. Kids admire Patty
Turning Point: Walley reviews Erin footage in his trailer alongside his blow-up doll girlfriend
surface LAYER: Walley is a recluse creeper.
• Deception: Walley works on his own porno hack. The only site that he thinks gov’t doesn’t monitor.
• Accusation: Kandy Kane accuses Walley of trying to get her to go back to being a blow-up DOLL when that is what she is
beneath LAYER: Walley believes he has to protect his trailer from government intrusion. Conspiracy.
Everyone is watching him.
• Walley-Turning Point: Hacks Erin’s room thru her phone as an example to Kandy
• Walley-(Dilemma is optional.) Walley can’t convince Kandy that his hacking will pan out/protect them
Open Loop: Will Walley’s relationship with a blow-up doll continue?
Mystery: Why does Erin teach through her window?
Act 2:
Essence: Erin gets weighed and washed by her caretaker, Ms. Chen & besty#2 Mi-Ya. Besty #1 Patty prances around, pumping Erin up for the day
surface LAYER: Everyone on board with helping Erin get healthy, feel good about her fat self
• Intriguing World: Walley’s browser lands on a “safe” porn site
• Deception: Patty leaves a bag of cucumbers, vegie dildos, in corner. She Erin talk in code about the firmness, thickness, length
• Wound: Cut marks on Erin’s arm physical and emotional scar
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen prepares Erin’s food with a little more flavor, she taste tests it
• Hidden Layer: Mi-Ya ½ helps her mom wash Erin because it puts all the attention on Erin
• Strange Behavior: Ms. Chen checks the room. Finds small razor blades. Mi-Ya measures Erin. Ms. Chen weighs Erin by blood pressure cuff
beneath LAYER: Erin enjoys the attention. Patty gets to practice her make-up artistry, Mi-Ya gets a free model for her Fat Femme Fashion line; Ms. Chen gets “paid” well
• Patty-Beginning: Super sexy and confident in preparing Erin’s hair & make-up for the day
• Ms. Chen-Beginning: Fussing over Erin. Washing her. Weighing her.
• Mi-Ya-Beginning: Sassy while assisting her mom in washing/weighing Erin
REVEAL: Patty takes pictures and sends them off; Mi-Ya measures Erin. Also photographing Erin; Ms. Chen fixes eating equipment in Erin’s room, tidy’s up. Erin’s routine pops-up on Walley’s screen
• Mi-Ya-Ending: She challenges Erin to get fit for her fat fashion line
• Walley-Turning Point 2: Kandy Kane blow-up Doll girlfriend resents the time he spends hacking. They argue. He doesn’t want her to return to work in sex-trade industry
Turning Point/Midpoint: Later, alone, in the dark, Erin falls and she can’t get up.
surface LAYER: Erin is hungry all the time
• Intrigue: Erin eats in the dark, like it’s a sexual.
beneath LAYER: She masturbates with food at night. Then eats it.
• Mystery: Heavy footsteps sound.
• Secret: Erin can walk.
• Erin-Turning Point: She falls out of bed, reaching for a snack. No one in her room. She can’t get herself up.
REVEAL: Erin can walk. Baby steps.
• Patty-Turning Point: She can’t help Erin get up, too concerned about her look
• Patty-Midpoint: Patty and Ms. Chen fight over call/not call the 1st Responder.
Erin’s bleeding from somewhere. Parents Stu&Lu, Ms. Chen rush to her aid
surface LAYER: Erin’s parents really care. Period blood or blood from the fall.
beneath LAYER: Erin’s a cutter-her masturbation food ritual.
REVEAL: Erin’s knives in her room, under the bed, for “protection.” Parents check “security” cameras
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point: She calls the 1st Responders against Erin’s wishes
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point: She doesn’t wanna help Erin get up because it helps her mom
• Erin-(Dilemma is optional.) Erin has to leave the house to see the doctor about her bleeding
• Walley-(Dilemma is optional) Report the Erin footage or use it?
Open Loop: How will Walley’s footage change Erin’s life, if he posts it?
What are the cuts on Erin’s arm?
Will Erin be able to take care of herself?
Mystery: Who else is watching Erin?
Why is Erin so fat?
What’s behind the tension w/Mi-Ya, Erin & Ms. Chen?
Act 3:
Essence: 1st Responders can’t get Erin out of her house. Convince her to leave. She’s humiliated.
surface LAYER: Erin’s afraid to go outside.
• Intrigue: Why won’t Erin leave her house? Tell them she can walk?
• Mystery: Where is she bleeding from?
• Secret: Walley watches the whole Erin “fall and can’t get up” fiasco.
• Deception: Blood from the legs but really from her va-jay-jay.
• Wound: Kids’ PARENTS see Erin’s immobility as a safety hazard
• Accusation: Assumed Erin can’t be pregnant by 1st RESPONDERS.
beneath LAYER: Erin doesn’t wanna leave her safe place. Show that she can walk.
REVEAL: Everyone sees/not see Erin. They ignore her wishes about her body.
• Patty-Turning Point 2: Patty’s DAD shows up as one of the 1st Responders. She fights with him.
• Erin-Turning Point 2: Erin’s bleeding “examination” is humiliating.
• Ms. Chen-Midpoint: Ms. Chen doesn’t defend Erin’s weight nor protect her during fat-shaming
• Erin-Major Conflict: She refuses to leave/see a doctor.
Turning Point: Her besty Patty protects her, while Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya turn on Erin.
Patty confronts her Father, an ambulance driver. Walley previews his “Fat Bitch Pitch” for porno
surface LAYER: Ambulance driver is a former LOVER. Walley targets Erin.
beneath LAYER: Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya are sick of Erin’s neediness.
REVEAL: Walley redirect his surveillance cameras. Stumbles upon Erin. Researches “Porn for profit”
• Walley-Midpoint: Watches the whole 1st Responder fiasco while simultaneously editing footage
• Intriguing World: Soft porn-internet montage of fetishizers
• Patty-Major Conflict: Patty’s dad refuses to help his colleagues lift Erin’s limbs
• Strange Behavior: After seeing Patty, MALE EMT won’t help Erin. Weird Neighbor guy offers to help clean Erin up/transport her
Open Loop: Why does Walley target Erin?
If Erin doesn’t teach, what will she do?
What is the essence of a fat fetish?
Why does EMT refuse to help Erin?
Mystery: Why is the Neighbor so into Erin?
Why doesn’t Erin tell/show that she can walk?
Why is Patty so overprotective?
Act 4:
Essence: Erin confides in Patty about her fat-shame. Erin & Patty reminisce
surface LAYER: Erin thanks Patty for being there for her.
• Mystery: Is Patty hetero? homo? bi? Why?
• Mystery: Who da’baby daddy?
• Secret: Walley doesn’t tell Kandy but he compiles Erin footage.
• Deception: Stu&Lu’s security camera’s all over Erin’s house in back
• Secret Identity: Erin’s adopted
• Wound: Erin is okay with being fat just doesn’t know why she’s this fat?
beneathLAYER: Erin and Patty “did it” after a wild night of cutting, drinking, eating
• Intrigue: Patty had a Patricio moment with Erin
REVEAL: Erin dissatisfied with Ms. Chen, Mi-Ya, Patty caring for her.
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point 2: Ms. Chen drags Stu&Lu into ganging up on Erin
• Mi-Ya-Midpoint: She sides with her mom about Erin’s weight taking over her life
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point 2: She presents more fashionable muumuu’s to Erin’s dislike
• Mi-Ya-Major Conflict: She fights with Erin
Turning Point: Walley’s Erin footage goes viral
• Hidden Layer: Walley wants to be an independent contractor. No more gov’t hacking.
• Intriguing World: Porn Press headquarters Gina “discovers” Walley’s work
• Ms. Chen-Major Conflict: Mi-Ya defends Erin to her mom, Ms. Chen, who has 2nd thoughts about how she handled Erin
Open Loop: Will Patty & Erin hook up?
Can Erin get pregnant again?
Will Patty go back to being Patricio?
Will Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya resolve their mother/daughter squabble?
How far will Walley take his Erin hack?
Mystery: Why was Erin given up by her bio parents for adoption?
Why is Walley so unethical?
What are Stu,Lu, Ms. Chen hiding?
Act 5:
Essence: Erin vows to lose weight. Porno press flags Erin footage.
surface LAYER: Erin is innocent.
• Intrigue: Erin weighs herself
• Wound: Remembering Fat camp
beneath LAYER: Erin wants a man, not a cucumber.
• Accusation: Patty accuses Erin od being a secret-sexer
REVEAL: Erin picks her body apart in a full-length mirror.
• Erin-Midpoint: Fat shaming 1st responders, neighbors, family, friends make her see herself as they do
• Strange Behavior: Mi-Ya shows Erin new muumuu line. Erin hates it
• Ms. Chen-(Dilemma is optional.) Help Erin by coddling or hurt her by making her face the truth? Tough Love.
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen discourages Erin
• Major Conflict: Walley reviews, edits and sends off his Erin pitch
• Intriguing World: Internet soft porn sites
Lock In: Medic calls Erin revealing she lost a baby. WTF!?! She didn’t even know she was preggers!
• Ms. Chen-Ending: Ms. Chen face in security camera caught by Mi-Ya
• Patty-Ending: Erin consoles Patty who leaves her in a huff
• Mystery: How? When? Who? Erin’s sexual encounters
• Erin-Ending: Erin discovers she was preggers.
• Mi-Ya-(Dilemma is optional.) Tell Erin that her mom has a camera on her or not?
• Ending: Chubby Chasers, porno folks blow up Walley’s phone
Open Loop: How will Erin lose the weight?
Will Erin get a man?
What is the “soft” porn internet world like?
Will fat-shame plague Erin?
Who is helping Walley with the camera work?
Does Kandy Kane stay or go along with Walley?
What will Erin do to escape the over-bearers in her life?
Mystery: Why does Ms. Chen discourage Erin?
What happened at Fat Camp?
-
Sharilyn’s Stacks Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is…intrigue in comedy has to be funny. Gotta review my T.P.’s…
Teaser:
Essence: Over black, moans, groans, clicking keyboard sounds. Eating? Fucking? Typing? An excited
• Intriguing World:
• Intrigue:
• Mystery: Sounds like one thing but could be another
• Secret:
• Deception: The sounds come from two excited people-both in same space?
• Conspiracy:
• Secret Identity: It’s a man and woman but what is the relationship, if any?
• Wound:
• Hidden Agenda:
• Hidden Layer:
• Strange Behavior: If it’s not your sex style, then the sounds are normal otherwise very animalistic
• Accusation:
Turning Point: A deep belch. Snoring.
Act 1:
Essence: Song like Weird Al Yankovich’s “Eat it!” awakens grossly obese Erin who barely moves in a sunken twin bed. She feeds the birds and herself via delivery. KIDS clamor at her window.
• Intriguing World:
• Intrigue: Why are elementary KIDS hanging out under a window?
• Mystery: BIRDS fly to Erin’s window, like old Disney “Snow White”
• Secret: Knife props up the window
• Deception: Walley working on his own porno hack.
• Conspiracy:
• Secret Identity: A lecherous NEIGHBOR waves to Erin from across the street. She doesn’t return the gesture
• Wound:
• Hidden Agenda:
• Hidden Layer: Walley complains about hacking job, but kowtows when BOSS shows up on screen
• Strange Behavior: Food delivery GUY(?) knowingly delivers to Erin’s window
• Accusation: Kandy Kane accuses Walley of trying to get her to go back to being a blow-up DOLL when that is what she is
Turning Point: Walley reviews Erin footage in his trailer alongside his blow-up doll girlfriend
Act 2:
Essence: Erin gets weighed and washed by her caretaker, Ms. Chen & besty#2 Mi-Ya. Besty #1 Patty prances around, pumping Erin up for the day
• Intriguing World: Walley’s browser lands on a porn site
• Intrigue: Erin eats in the dark, like it’s a sexual.
• Mystery: Heavy footsteps sound.
• Secret: Erin can walk.
• Deception: Patty leaves a bag of cucumbers, vegie dildos, in corner. She Erin talk in code about the firmness, thickness, length
• Conspiracy:
• Secret Identity:
• Wound: Cut marks on Erin’s arm physical and emotional scar
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen prepares Erin’s food with a little more flavor, she taste tests it
• Hidden Layer: Mi-Ya ½ helps her mom wash Erin because it puts all the attention on Erin
• Strange Behavior: Ms. Chen checks the room. Finds small razor blades. Mi-Ya measures Erin. Ms. Chen weighs Erin by blood pressure cuff
• Accusation:
Turning Point/Midpoint: Later, alone, in the dark, Erin falls and she can’t get up.
Erin’s bleeding from somewhere.
Act 3:
Essence: 1st Responders can’t get Erin out of her house. Convince her to leave. She’s humiliated.
• Intriguing World: Soft porn-internet montage of fetishizers
• Intrigue: Why won’t Erin leave her house? Tell them she can walk?
• Mystery: Where is she bleeding from?
• Secret: Walley watches the whole Erin “fall and can’t get up” fiasco.
• Deception: Blood from the legs but really from her va-jay-jay.
• Conspiracy:
• Secret Identity:
• Wound: PARENTS see Erin’s immobility as a safety hazard
• Hidden Agenda:
• Hidden Layer:
• Strange Behavior: After seeing Patty, MALE EMT won’t help Erin. Neighbor offers to help clean Erin up/transport her
• Accusation: Assumed Erin can’t be pregnant by 1st RESPONDERS.
Turning Point: Her besty Patty protects, while Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya push Erin to do better for herself.
Act 4:
Essence: Erin confides in Patty about her fat-shame. Erin & Patty reminisce
• Intriguing World: Porn Press headquarters Gina “discovers” Walley’s work
• Intrigue: Patty had a Patricio moment with Erin
• Mystery: Is Patty hetero? homo? bi? Why? Who da’baby daddy?
• Secret: Walley doesn’t tell Kandy but he compiles Erin footage.
• Deception: Stu&Lu’s security camera’s all over Erin’s house in back
• Conspiracy:
• Secret Identity: Erin’s adopted
• Wound: Erin is okay with being fat just doesn’t know why she’s this fat?
• Hidden Agenda:
• Hidden Layer: Walley wants to be an independent contractor. No more gov’t hacking.
• Strange Behavior:
• Accusation:
Turning Point: Walley’s Erin footage goes viral
Act 5:
Essence: Erin vows to lose weight. Porno press flags Erin footage.
• Intriguing World:
• Intrigue: Erin weighs herself
• Mystery: How? When? Who? Erin’s sexual encounters
• Secret:
• Deception:
• Conspiracy:
• Secret Identity:
• Wound: Remembering Fat camp
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen discourages Erin
• Hidden Layer:
• Strange Behavior: Mi-Ya shows Erin new muumuu line. Erin hates it
• Accusation: Patty accuses Erin od being a secret-sexer
Lock In: Medic calls Erin revealing she lost a baby. WTF!?! She didn’t even know she was preggers!
Growing Outline
Teaser:
Essence: Over black, moans, groans, clicking keyboard sounds. Eating? Fucking? Typing? An excited “Yes!” Climax reached.
surface LAYER: People are aroused
• Mystery: Sounds like one thing but could be another
• Deception: The sounds come from two excited people-both in same space?
• Secret Identity: It’s a man and woman but what is the relationship, if any?
• Strange Behavior: If it’s not your sex style, then the sounds are normal otherwise very animalistic
beneath LAYER: Erin eats out of boredom. Walley gets paid, but not enough, to hack.
• Erin-Beginning: In her bedroom, safe. Chillin’ and eating.
REVEAL: Food and hacking, in separate places, excite Erin and Walley
Turning Point: A deep belch. Snoring.
• Walley-Beginning: Dark hours of the night or day? Face lighted by computer glare. Talking to himself? Hacking.
Act 1:
Essence: Song like Weird Al Yankovich’s “Eat it!” awakens grossly obese Erin who barely moves in a sunken twin bed. She feeds the birds and herself via delivery. KIDS clamor at her window.
surface LAYER: Erin is a caring, bedridden teacher.
• Intrigue: Why are elementary KIDS hanging out under a window?
• Mystery: BIRDS fly to Erin’s window, like old Disney “Snow White”
• Secret: Knife props up the window
• Secret Identity: A lecherous NEIGHBOR waves to Erin from across the street. She doesn’t return the gesture
• Hidden Layer: Walley complains about hacking job, but kowtows when BOSS shows up on screen
• Strange Behavior: Food delivery GUY(?) knowingly delivers to Erin’s window
beneath LAYER: Erin’s window is a lifeline.
REVEAL: Erin watches the world through her window.
• Patty-Opening: Saunters up for Erin’s snack order for the day. Kids admire Patty
Turning Point: Walley reviews Erin footage in his trailer alongside his blow-up doll girlfriend
surface LAYER: Walley is a recluse creeper.
• Deception: Walley works on his own porno hack. The only site that he thinkgs gov’t doesn’t monitor.
• Accusation: Kandy Kane accuses Walley of trying to get her to go back to being a blow-up DOLL when that is what she is
beneath LAYER: Walley believes he has to protect his trailer from government intrusion. Conspiracy.
Everyone is watching him.
• Walley-Turning Point: Hacks Erin’s room thru her phone as an example to Kandy
• Walley-(Dilemma is optional.) Walley can’t convince Kandy that his hacking will pan out/protect them
Act 2:
Essence: Erin gets weighed and washed by her caretaker, Ms. Chen & besty#2 Mi-Ya. Besty #1 Patty prances around, pumping Erin up for the day
surface LAYER: Everyone on board with helping Erin get healthy, feel good about her fat self
• Intriguing World: Walley’s browser lands on a “safe” porn site
• Deception: Patty leaves a bag of cucumbers, vegie dildos, in corner. She Erin talk in code about the firmness, thickness, length
• Wound: Cut marks on Erin’s arm physical and emotional scar
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen prepares Erin’s food with a little more flavor, she taste tests it
• Hidden Layer: Mi-Ya ½ helps her mom wash Erin because it puts all the attention on Erin
• Strange Behavior: Ms. Chen checks the room. Finds small razor blades. Mi-Ya measures Erin. Ms. Chen weighs Erin by blood pressure cuff
beneath LAYER: Erin enjoys the attention. Patty gets to practice her make-up artistry, Mi-Ya gets a free model for her Fat Femme Fashion line; Ms. Chen gets paid well
• Patty-Beginning: Super sexy and confident in preparing Erin’s hair & make-up for the day
• Ms. Chen-Beginning: Fussing over Erin. Washing her. Weighing her.
• Mi-Ya-Beginning: Sassy while assisting her mom in washing/weighing Erin
REVEAL: Patty takes pictures and sends them off; Mi-Ya measures Erin. Also photographing Erin; Ms. Chen fixes eating equipment in Erin’s room, tidy’s up. Erin’s routine pops-up on Walley’s screen
• Mi-Ya-Ending: She challenges Erin to get fit for her fat fashion line
• Walley-Turning Point 2: Kandy Kane blow-up Doll girlfriend resents the time he spends hacking. They argue. He doesn’t want her to return to work in sex-trade industry
Turning Point/Midpoint: Later, alone, in the dark, Erin falls and she can’t get up.
surface LAYER: Erin is hungry all the time
• Intrigue: Erin eats in the dark, like it’s a sexual.
beneath LAYER: She masturbates with food at night. Then eats it.
• Mystery: Heavy footsteps sound.
• Secret: Erin can walk.
• Erin-Turning Point: She falls out of bed, reaching for a snack. No one in her room. She can’t get herself up.
REVEAL: Erin can walk. Baby steps.
• Patty-Turning Point: She can’t help Erin get up, too concerned about her look
• Patty-Midpoint: Patty and Ms. Chen fight over call/not call the 1st Responder.
Erin’s bleeding from somewhere. Parents Stu&Lu, Ms. Chen rush to her aid
surface LAYER: Erin’s parents really care. Period blood or blood from the fall.
beneath LAYER: Erin’s a cutter-her masturbation food ritual.
REVEAL: Erin’s knives in her room, under the bed, for “protection.” Parents check “security” cameras
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point: She calls the 1st Responders against Erin’s wishes
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point: She doesn’t wanna help Erin get up because it helps her mom
• Erin-(Dilemma is optional.) Erin has to leave the house to see the doctor about her bleeding
• Walley-(Dilemma is optional) Report the Erin footage or use it?
Act 3:
Essence: 1st Responders can’t get Erin out of her house. Convince her to leave. She’s humiliated.
surface LAYER: Erin’s afraid to go outside.
• Intrigue: Why won’t Erin leave her house? Tell them she can walk?
• Mystery: Where is she bleeding from?
• Secret: Walley watches the whole Erin “fall and can’t get up” fiasco.
• Deception: Blood from the legs but really from her va-jay-jay.
• Wound: Kids’ PARENTS see Erin’s immobility as a safety hazard
• Accusation: Assumed Erin can’t be pregnant by 1st RESPONDERS.
beneath LAYER: Erin doesn’t wanna leave her safe place. Show that she can walk.
REVEAL:
• Patty-Turning Point 2: Patty’s DAD shows up as one of the 1st Responders. She fights with him.
• Erin-Turning Point 2: Erin’s bleeding “examination” is humiliating.
• Ms. Chen-Midpoint: Ms. Chen doesn’t defend Erin’s weight nor protect her during fat-shaming
• Erin-Major Conflict: She refuses to leave/see a doctor.
Turning Point: Her besty Patty protects, while Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya push Erin to do better for herself. Patty confronts her Father, an ambulance driver. Walley previews his “Fat Bitch Pitch” for porno
surface LAYER: Ambulance driver is a former LOVER. Walley targets Erin.
beneath LAYER: Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya are sick of Erin’s neediness.
REVEAL: Walley redirect his surveillance cameras. Stumbles upon Erin. Researches “Porn for profit”
• Walley-Midpoint: Watches the whole 1st Responder fiasco while simultaneously editing footage
• Intriguing World: Soft porn-internet montage of fetishizers
• Patty-Major Conflict: Patty’s dad refuses to help his colleagues lift Erin’s limbs
• Strange Behavior: After seeing Patty, MALE EMT won’t help Erin. Neighbor offers to help clean Erin up/transport her
Act 4:
Essence: Erin confides in Patty about her fat-shame. Erin & Patty reminisce
surface LAYER: Erin thanks Patty for being there for her.
• Mystery: Is Patty hetero? homo? bi? Why? Who da’baby daddy?
• Secret: Walley doesn’t tell Kandy but he compiles Erin footage.
• Deception: Stu&Lu’s security camera’s all over Erin’s house in back
• Secret Identity: Erin’s adopted
• Wound: Erin is okay with being fat just doesn’t know why she’s this fat?
beneathLAYER: Erin and Patty “did it” after a wild night of cutting, drinking, eating
• Intrigue: Patty had a Patricio moment with Erin
REVEAL: Erin dissatisfied with Ms. Chen, Mi-Ya, Patty caring for her.
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point 2: Ms. Chen drags Stu&Lu into ganging up on Erin
• Mi-Ya-Midpoint: She sides with her mom about Erin’s weight taking over her life
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point 2: She presents more fashionable muumuu’s to Erin’s dislike
• Mi-Ya-Major Conflict: She fights with Erin
Turning Point: Walley’s Erin footage goes viral
• Hidden Layer: Walley wants to be an independent contractor. No more gov’t hacking.
• Intriguing World: Porn Press headquarters Gina “discovers” Walley’s work
• Ms. Chen-Major Conflict: Mi-Ya defends Erin to her mom, Ms. Chen, who has 2nd thoughts about how she handled Erin
Act 5:
Essence: Erin vows to lose weight. Porno press flags Erin footage.
surface LAYER: Erin is innocent.
• Intrigue: Erin weighs herself
• Wound: Remembering Fat camp
beneath LAYER: Erin wants a man, not a cucumber.
• Accusation: Patty accuses Erin od being a secret-sexer
REVEAL: Erin picks her body apart in a full-length mirror.
• Erin-Midpoint: Fat shaming 1st responders, neighbors, family, friends make her see herself as they do
• Strange Behavior: Mi-Ya shows Erin new muumuu line. Erin hates it
• Ms. Chen-(Dilemma is optional.) Help Erin by coddling or hurt her by making her face the truth? Tough Love.
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen discourages Erin
• Major Conflict: Walley reviews, edits and sends off his Erin pitch
• Intriguing World: Internet soft porn sites
Lock In: Medic calls Erin revealing she lost a baby. WTF!?! She didn’t even know she was preggers!
• Ms. Chen-Ending: Ms. Chen face in security camera caught by Mi-Ya
• Patty-Ending: Erin consoles Patty who leaves her in a huff
• Mystery: How? When? Who? Erin’s sexual encounters
• Erin-Ending: Erin discovers she was preggers.
• Mi-Ya-(Dilemma is optional.) Tell Erin that her mom has a camera on her or not?
• Ending: Chubby Chasers, porno folks blow up Walley’s phone
-
Sharilyn’s Layers and Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment is…I need a comedy sample to see how this works in a funny way.
Teaser:
Essence: Over black, moans, groans, clicking keyboard sounds. Eating? Fucking? Typing? An excited “Yes!” Climax reached.
surface LAYER: People are aroused
beneath LAYER: Erin eats out of boredom. Walley gets paid, but not enough, to hack.
• Erin-Beginning: In her bedroom, safe. Chillin’ and eating.
REVEAL: Food and hacking, in separate places, excite Erin and Walley
Turning Point: A deep belch. Snoring.
• Walley-Beginning: Dark hours of the night or day? Face lighted by computer glare. Talking to himself? Hacking.
Act 1:
Essence: Song like Weird Al Yankovich’s “Eat it!” awakens grossly obese Erin who barely moves in a sunken twin bed. She feeds the birds and herself via delivery. KIDS clamor at her window.
surface LAYER: Erin is a caring, bedridden teacher.
beneath LAYER: Erin’s window is a lifeline.
REVEAL: Erin watches the world through her window.
• Patty-Opening: Saunters up for Erin’s snack order for the day. Kids admire Patty
Turning Point: Walley reviews Erin footage in his trailer alongside his blow-up doll girlfriend
surface LAYER: Walley is a recluse creeper.
beneath LAYER: Walley believes he has to protect his trailer from government intrusion. Conspiracy. Everyone is watching him.
• Walley-Turning Point: Hacks Erin’s room thru her phone as an example to Kandy
• Walley-(Dilemma is optional.) Walley can’t convince Kandy that his hacking will pan out/protect them
Act 2:
Essence: Erin gets weighed and washed by her caretaker, Ms. Chen & besty#2 Mi-Ya. Besty #1 Patty prances around, pumping Erin up for the day
surface LAYER: Everyone on board with helping Erin get healthy, feel good about her fat self
beneath LAYER: Erin enjoys the attention. Patty gets to practice her make-up artistry, Mi-Ya gets a free model for her Fat Femme Fashion line; Ms. Chen gets paid well
• Patty-Beginning: Super sexy and confident in preparing Erin’s hair & make-up for the day
• Ms. Chen-Beginning: Fussing over Erin. Washing her. Weighing her.
• Mi-Ya-Beginning: Sassy while assisting her mom in washing/weighing Erin
REVEAL: Patty takes pictures and sends them off; Mi-Ya measures Erin. Also photographing Erin; Ms. Chen fixes eating equipment in Erin’s room, tidy’s up. Erin’s routine pops-up on Walley’s screen
• Mi-Ya-Ending: She challenges Erin to get fit for her fat fashion line
• Walley-Turning Point 2: Kandy Kane blow-up Doll girlfriend resents the time he spends hacking. They argue. He doesn’t want her to return to work in sex-trade industry
Turning Point/Midpoint: Later, alone, in the dark, Erin falls and she can’t get up.
surface LAYER: Erin is hungry all the time
beneath LAYER: She masturbates with food at night. Then eats it.
• Erin-Turning Point: She falls out of bed, reaching for a snack. No one in her room. She can’t get herself up.
REVEAL: Erin can walk. Baby steps.
• Patty-Turning Point: She can’t help Erin get up, too concerned about her look
• Patty-Midpoint: Patty and Ms. Chen fight over call/not call the 1st Responder.
Erin’s bleeding from somewhere. Parents Stu&Lu, Ms. Chen rush to her aid
surface LAYER: Erin’s parents really care. Period blood or blood from the fall.
beneath LAYER: Erin’s a cutter-her masturbation food ritual.
REVEAL: Erin’s knives in her room, under the bed, for “protection.” Parents check “security” cameras
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point: She calls the 1st Responders against Erin’s wishes
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point: She doesn’t wanna help Erin get up because it helps her mom
• Erin-(Dilemma is optional.) Erin has to leave the house to see the doctor about her bleeding
• Walley-(Dilemma is optional) Report the Erin footage or use it?
Act 3:
Essence: 1st Responders can’t get Erin out of her house. Convince her to leave. She’s humiliated.
surface LAYER: Erin’s afraid to go outside.
beneath LAYER: Erin doesn’t wanna leave her safe place. Show that she can walk.
REVEAL:
• Patty-Turning Point 2: Patty’s DAD shows up as one of the 1st Responders. She fights with him.
• Erin-Turning Point 2: Erin’s bleeding “examination” is humiliating.
• Ms. Chen-Midpoint: Ms. Chen doesn’t defend Erin’s weight nor protect her during fat-shaming
• Erin-Major Conflict: She refuses to leave/see a doctor.
Turning Point: Her besty Patty protects, while Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya push Erin to do better for herself. Patty confronts her Father, an ambulance driver. Walley previews his “Fat Bitch Pitch” for porno
surface LAYER: Ambulance driver is a former lover. Walley targets Erin.
beneath LAYER: Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya are sick of Erin’s neediness.
REVEAL: Walley redirect his surveillance cameras. Stumbles upon Erin. Researches “Porn for profit”
• Walley-Midpoint: Watches the whole 1st Responder fiasco while simultaneously editing footage
• Patty-Major Conflict: Patty’s dad refuses to help his colleagues lift Erin’s limbs
Act 4:
Essence: Erin confides in Patty about her fat-shame. Erin & Patty reminisce
surface LAYER: Erin thanks Patty for being there for her.
beneathLAYER: Erin and Patty “did it” after a wild night of cutting, drinking, eating
REVEAL: Erin dissatisfied with Ms. Chen, Mi-Ya, Patty caring for her.
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point 2: Ms. Chen drags Stu&Lu into ganging up on Erin
• Mi-Ya-Midpoint: She sides with her mom about Erin’s weight taking over her life
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point 2: She presents more fashionable muumuu’s to Erin’s dislike
• Mi-Ya-Major Conflict: She fights with Erin
Turning Point: Walley’s Erin footage goes viral
• Ms. Chen-Major Conflict: Mi-Ya defends Erin to her mom, Ms. Chen, who has 2nd thoughts about how she handled Erin
Act 5:
Essence: Erin vows to lose weight. Porno press flags Erin footage.
surface LAYER: Erin is innocent.
beneath LAYER: Erin wants a man, not a cucumber.
REVEAL: Erin picks her body apart in a full-length mirror.
• Erin-Midpoint: Fat shaming 1st responders, neighbors, family, friends make her see herself as they do
• Ms. Chen-(Dilemma is optional.) Help Erin by coddling or hurt her by making her face the truth? Tough Love.
• Major Conflict: Walley reviews, edits and sends off his Erin pitch
Lock In: Medic calls Erin revealing she lost a baby. WTF!?! She didn’t even know she was preggers!
• Ms. Chen-Ending: Ms. Chen face in security camera caught by Mi-Ya
• Patty-Ending: Erin consoles Patty who leaves her in a huff
• Erin-Ending: Erin discovers she was preggers.
• Mi-Ya-(Dilemma is optional.) Tell Erin that her mom has a camera on her or not?
• Ending: Chubby Chasers, porno folks blow up Walley’s phone
-
Sharilyn’s Character Story Lines
What I learned doing this assignment is…plot layers build on character layers
2. Create a beginning, middle, and end of the character’s story for the pilot.
ERIN: Comfortable in her safe eating space until she falls and can’t get up without 1st Responder help who fat-shame her. Disgusted with herself she vows to lose weight after discovering she was pregnant but didn’t know it.
PATTY: Protector and #1 besty to Erin prances around until walking up on the scene at Erin’s. Erin’s pregnancy news stuns her into empathy and regret for her inability to chose between being Patricio or Patty
WALLEY: A recluse computer-creeper-hacker “alone” in his trailer conversing with his blow-up doll girlfriend, Kandy Kane. He compiles a pitch for porno that goes viral which propels his ego and $$drive
MS. CHEN: Supportive but stern/meticulous caretaker of Erin who is appalled by Erin’s weight gain, fall and inability to self-help. She enacts a tough love plan for Erin.
*MI-YA: As besty #2, she’s a dutiful assistant to her mom, Ms. Chen, until she realizes, yet again, how Erin’s fall keeps her mom tied to Erin. This encourages her secret rivalry/jealousy toward Erin.
3. Add the rest of the structure to the characters for the Pilot.
ERIN
• Beginning: In her bedroom, safe. Chillin’ and eating.
• Turning Point: She falls out of bed, reaching for a snack. She can’t get herself up.
• Midpoint: Fat shaming 1st responders, neighbors, family, friends make her see herself as they do
• Turning Point 2: Erin bleeding from somewhere. The “examination” of the blood flow is humiliating
• (Dilemma is optional.) Erin has to leave the house to see the doctor about her bleeding
• Major Conflict: She refuses to leave/see a doctor.
• Ending: Erin discovers she was preggers.
PATTY
• Beginning: Super sexy and confident in preparing Erin’s hair & make-up for the day
• Turning Point: She can’t help Erin get up
• Midpoint: Patty and Ms. Chen fight over call/not call the 1st Responders
• Turning Point 2: Patty’s DAD shows up as one of the 1st Responders. She fights with him.
• Major Conflict: Patty’s dad refuses to help his colleagues lift Erin
• Ending: Erin consoles Patty who leaves her in a huff
WALLEY
• Beginning: Dark hours of the night or day? Face lighted by computer glare. Talking to himself? Hacking.
• Turning Point: Hacks Erin’s room thru her phone
• Midpoint: Watches the whole 1st Responder fiasco while simultaneously editing footage
• Turning Point 2: Kandy Kane blow-up Doll girlfriend resents the time he spends hacking. They argue.
• (Dilemma is optional.) Walley can’t convince Kandy that his hacking will pan out
• Major Conflict: Walley reviews, edits and sends off his Erin pitch
• Ending: Chubby Chasers, porno folks blow up Walley’s phone
MS. CHEN
• Beginning: Fussing over Erin. Washing her. Weighing her.
• Turning Point: She calls the 1st Responders against Erin’s wishes
• Midpoint: Ms. Chen doesn’t defend Erin’s weight nor protect her during fat-shaming
• Turning Point 2: Ms. Chen drags Stu&Lu into ganging up on Erin
• (Dilemma is optional.) Help Erin by coddling or hurt her by making her face the truth? Tough Love.
• Major Conflict: Mi-Ya defends Erin against her mom, Ms. Chen, who has 2nd thoughts about how she handled Erin
• Ending: Ms. Chen face in security camera caught by Mi-Ya
*MI-YA
• Beginning: Sassy while assisting her mom in washing/weighing Erin
• Turning Point: She doesn’t wanna help Erin get up because it helps her mom
• Midpoint: She sides with her mom about Erin’s weight taking over her life
• Turning Point 2: She presents more fashionable muumuu’s to Erin’s dislike
• (Dilemma is optional.) Tell Erin that her mom has a camera on her or not?
• Major Conflict: She fights with Erin
• Ending: She challenges Erin to get fit for her fashion
5. Create the first version of your outline by adding the character story lines to the structure from Lesson 3.
Teaser:
Essence: Over black, moans, groans, clicking keyboard sounds. Eating? Fucking? Typing? An excited “Yes!” Climax reached.
• Erin-Beginning: In her bedroom, safe. Chillin’ and eating.
Turning Point: A deep belch. Snoring.
• Walley-Beginning: Dark hours of the night or day? Face lighted by computer glare. Talking to himself? Hacking.
Act 1:
Essence: Song like Weird Al Yankovich’s “Eat it!” awakens grossly obese Erin who barely moves in a sunken twin bed. She feeds the birds and herself. Kids clamor at her window.
• Patty-Opening: Saunters up for Erin’s snack order for the day. Kids admire Patty
Turning Point: Walley reviews Erin footage in his trailer alongside his blow-up doll girlfriend
• Walley-Turning Point: Hacks Erin’s room thru her phone
• Walley-(Dilemma is optional.) Walley can’t convince Kandy that his hacking will pan out
Act 2:
Essence: Erin gets weighed and washed by her caretaker, Ms. Chen & besty#2 Mi-Ya. Besty #1 Patty prances around, pumping Erin up for the day
• Patty-Beginning: Super sexy and confident in preparing Erin’s hair & make-up for the day
• Ms. Chen-Beginning: Fussing over Erin. Washing her. Weighing her.
• Mi-Ya-Beginning: Sassy while assisting her mom in washing/weighing Erin
• Mi-Ya-Ending: She challenges Erin to get fit for her fat fashion line
• Walley-Turning Point 2: Kandy Kane blow-up Doll girlfriend resents the time he spends hacking. They argue.
Turning Point/Midpoint: Later, alone, Erin falls and she can’t get up.
• Erin-Turning Point: She falls out of bed, reaching for a snack. No one in her room. She can’t get herself up.
• Patty-Turning Point: She can’t help Erin get up, too concerned about her look
• Patty-Midpoint: Patty and Ms. Chen fight over call/not call the 1st Responder.
Erin’s bleeding from somewhere. Parents Stu&Lu, Ms. Chen rush to her aid
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point: She calls the 1st Responders against Erin’s wishes
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point: She doesn’t wanna help Erin get up because it helps her mom
• Erin-(Dilemma is optional.) Erin has to leave the house to see the doctor about her bleeding
Act 3:
Essence: 1st Responders can’t get Erin out of her house. Convince her to leave. She’s humiliated.
• Patty-Turning Point 2: Patty’s DAD shows up as one of the 1st Responders. She fights with him.
• Erin-Turning Point 2: Erin’s bleeding “examination” is humiliating.
• Ms. Chen-Midpoint: Ms. Chen doesn’t defend Erin’s weight nor protect her during fat-shaming
• Erin-Major Conflict: She refuses to leave/see a doctor.
Turning Point: Her besty Patty protects, while Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya push Erin to do better for herself. Patty confronts her Father, an ambulance driver. Walley previews his “Fat Bitch Pitch” for porno
• Walley-Midpoint: Watches the whole 1st Responder fiasco while simultaneously editing footage
• Patty-Major Conflict: Patty’s dad refuses to help his colleagues lift Erin’s limbs
Act 4:
Essence: Erin confides in Patty about her fat-shame. Erin & Patty reminisce
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point 2: Ms. Chen drags Stu&Lu into ganging up on Erin
• Mi-Ya-Midpoint: She sides with her mom about Erin’s weight taking over her life
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point 2: She presents more fashionable muumuu’s to Erin’s dislike
• Mi-Ya-Major Conflict: She fights with Erin
Turning Point: Walley’s Erin footage goes viral
• Ms. Chen-Major Conflict: Mi-Ya defends Erin against her mom, Ms. Chen, who has 2nd thoughts about how she handled Erin
Act 5:
Essence: Erin vows to lose weight. Porno press flags Erin footage.
• Erin-Midpoint: Fat shaming 1st responders, neighbors, family, friends make her see herself as they do
• Ms. Chen-(Dilemma is optional.) Help Erin by coddling or hurt her by making her face the truth? Tough Love.
• Major Conflict: Walley reviews, edits and sends off his Erin pitch
Lock In: Medic calls Erin revealing she lost a baby. WTF!?! She didn’t even know she was preggers!
• Ms. Chen-Ending: Ms. Chen face in security camera caught by Mi-Ya
• Patty-Ending: Erin consoles Patty who leaves her in a huff
• Erin-Ending: Erin discovers she was preggers.
• Mi-Ya-(Dilemma is optional.) Tell Erin that her mom has a camera on her or not?
• Ending: Chubby Chasers, porno folks blow up Walley’s phone
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Sharilyn’s Pilot Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is…there’s a story behind every story.
Teaser:
• Essence: Over black, moans, groans, clicking keyboard sounds. Eating? Fucking? Typing? An excited “Yes!” Climax reached.
• Turning Point: A deep belch. Snoring.
Act 1:
• Essence: Song like Weird Al Yankovich’s “Eat it!” awakens grossly obese Erin who barely moves in a sunken twin bed. She feeds the birds and herself. Kids clamor at her window.
• Turning Point: Walley reviews Erin footage in his trailer alongside his blow-up doll girlfriend
Act 2:
• Essence: Erin gets weighed and washed by her caretaker, Ms. Chen & besty#2 Mi-Ya. Besty #1 Patty prances around, pumping Erin up for the day
• Turning Point/Midpoint: Later, alone, Erin falls and she can’t get up. She’s bleeding from somewhere. Parents Stu&Lu, Ms. Chen rush to her aid
Act 3:
• Essence: 1st Responders can’t get Erin out of her house. She’s humiliated.
• Turning Point: Her besty Patty protects, while Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya push Erin to do better for herself. Walley previews his “Fat Bitch Pitch” for porno
Act 4:
• Essence: Erin confides in Patty about her fat-shame. Patty confronts her Father, an ambulance driver. Erin & Patty reminisce
• Turning Point: Walley’s Erin footage goes viral
Act 5:
• Essence: Erin vows to lose weight. Porno press flags Erin footage.
• Lock In: Medic calls Erin revealing she lost a baby. WTF!?! She didn’t even know she was preggers!
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Sharilyn’s Amazing Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is…I have to continuously break down the big picture ideas.
Intriguing Concept : Bedridden 600pounder unknowingly becomes and internet porn star as her hacked phone camera records her struggles with family, friends, food and fat.
Act 1 : Erin presented as a funny, fat girl who tutors the migrant kids in her neighborhood. She can’t leave the house ( and doesn’t want to!) due to her weight. She’s kind. Cool. Comfortable with her friends and family, until she falls and can’t get up.
Midpoint : Erin’s parents and caretaker install a camera in her room unbeknownst to her. They monitor her and know immediately that she’s fallen. They alert 1st responders who barge in, badger Erin. A XXX hacker captures all the video, uploads it and send s it out to a porn site.
Lock in : 1st Responders / Medical Examiner confirm Erin was preggers. Erin’s parents/caretakers, friends wonder how? Erin is fat-shamed into weight loss. Erin’s weight loss journey goes viral. Can she handle it? Accept it?
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Sharilyn’s Big Picture Components
What I learned doing this assignment is…just fill in the blanks.
SERIES INFO:
• World: Sex charged, “soft” porn internet sites
• Main mystery: Why is Erin so fat?
• Impossible Goal: Will Erin ever lose the weight?
• Main Conflict: Hacking / Invasion of “privacy”
• Second Mystery: Who planted the camera and why?
• Season 1 Arc: Erin “sees” beyond her fat.
• Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: Erin allows/considers being seen. HER choice.
2. Tell us the basic Pilot Info:
PILOT INFO:
• Pilot Conflict: Walley hacks Erin’s phone.
• Characters Introduced: MAIN: Erin, Ms. Chen, Patty, Walley
• Inciting Incident of Season 1: Erin falls and can’t get up.
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Sharilyn’s Edited TV Pitch Bible
What I learned from doing this is assignment is…I can’t keep re-reading my sh*% thinking I’ll “see” something different. I need a break!
I don’t have all of these concepts down and I’m feeling overwhelmed; like even if there is more to mine from my framework and past lessons, I can’t dig it out because my toolkit is running low. I need to relax to replenish, then review.
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Sharilyn’s Visually Appealing Bible
What I learned doing this assignment is…”a picture is worth a thousand words” but I can’t write thousands of words to create the pictures for a reader.
Because my story involves porn, I had to be real careful trying to find photos. I didn’t use porn sites because they were just too much; not visually appealing. In addition, my story involves food. But not ALL foods. There were too many categories to choose from. Finally, Even though eating and sex are central to my tale, the reason behind the eating and the type of sex are the protagonist’s journey, not the acts themselves.
I don’t know if visually presenting the story is my thing. There are too many veins that run through it. I just wanna focus on the writing; making it come alive for the reader.
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Sharilyn’s Episode Titles
What I learned doing this assignment is…episode and season titles are just as much as part of the story as the summary.
EPISODE1
• Conflict: Fat Shame
• Journey: Losing Weight
• Dilemma: Blood Bath
• Issue faced: Outted
• Irony: Cookies & Filth instead of Cookies & Milk
• Hero’s challenging situation:
• Threat to hero:
• Discovery: It’s up to me
• Metaphor: I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!
EPISODE2
• Conflict: Baby Ruth
• Journey: Remember when
• Dilemma: F.A.T. phone home
• Issue faced: Exposed
• Irony: Pee-nut Brittle
• Hero’s challenging situation:
• Threat to hero: Freak show
• Discovery: I-cee Me
• Metaphor:
EPISODE3
• Conflict:
• Journey:
• Dilemma: Wash Me Clean
• Issue faced: Guilty Pleasure
• Irony: Trick or Eat? instead of Trick or Treat
• Hero’s challenging situation:
• Threat to hero: Pay Day
• Discovery: Clean-up Crew
• Metaphor:
EPISODE4
• Conflict: Egg on your face
• Journey: Can’t just eat one
• Dilemma: PLOP! PLOP! FIZZ FIZZ! Oh, what a relief it is
• Issue faced: Communion Bread
• Irony: Eat one, teach one
• Hero’s challenging situation:
• Threat to hero: I-cee Me
• Discovery: Slide in my DM
• Metaphor:
EPISODE5 Bangers and Mash
• Conflict: Food fight
• Journey: Cravings
• Dilemma:
• Issue faced: Moment on the lips, lifetime on the hips
• Irony: Tit for fat instead of Tit for tat
• Hero’s challenging situation: Cheap meat
• Threat to hero:
• Discovery:
• Metaphor: Bangers and mash
EPISODE6
• Conflict: Moment on the lips, lifetime on the hips
• Journey:
• Dilemma: Don’t talking with your mouth full!
• Issue faced:
• Irony: Talking out of both sides of your mouth
• Hero’s challenging situation:
• Threat to hero: Walk and chew gum (at the same time)
• Discovery:
• Metaphor:
EPISODE7
• Conflict: Health = wealth
• Journey: Healthy snacks
• Dilemma: SNAP! CRACKLE! POP!
• Issue faced: Veggie sticks
• Irony:
• Hero’s challenging situation: Toppled wedding cake
• Threat to hero:
• Discovery: Food fuck
• Metaphor:
EPISODE8
• Conflict: Skinny Fat
• Journey: Eat to live
• Dilemma: Comfort Food
• Issue faced:
• Irony:
• Hero’s challenging situation:
• Threat to hero:
• Discovery:
• Metaphor:
3. Sequence the titles so you can see what story they tell. Replace any titles that create genre confusion.
SEASON1Snack Attack SEASON2 Cravings SEASON3 Acid Reflux SEASON4 Hangry SEASON5 Take-Out
EPISODE1 Cookies & Filth
EPISODE2 Baby Ruth
EPISODE3 Pay Day
EPISODE4 Eat one, teach one
EPISODE5 Bangers and Mash
EPISODE6 SNAP! CRACKLE! POP!
EPISODE7 Veggie Sticks
EPISODE8 Tit for Fat
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Sharilyn Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I Iearned doing this assignment is…I’m never done writing. It’s not over.
I’m no where near elevating to the level I want this to be. Just be patient with me. I’ll get’er done.
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Sharilyn’s Intrigue Patterns
What I learned from doing this assignment is…my writing can always improve.
Pitch Bible LINE: “Fabulous Patty shoos everyone away from Erin.”
A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.
As expected, fabulous Patty garners all the attention leaving Erin out of the mix, alone , and lonely.
B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.
Why does Patty always garner the all attention leaving Erin alone and lonely?
C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.
Is Patty just a narcissist friend who can stand to see her besty Erin alone and lonely?
D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________.
Patty realizes that her fabulousness leaves Erin out of the mix and feeling alone and lonely.
E. But maybe it is all wrong.
Patty is always around Erin, cheering her on, encouraging her through her loneliness. But is Erin for Patty who always brings her special brand of fabulousness. Things can’t be that good for Patty. Why doesn’t Erin see it?
F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences
Because Patty is always there for Erin, she can’t depend on Erin being there for her. Erin’s loneliness means Patty has to be THEE besty. Erin’s emptiness means Patty has to feed her. Make her happy. Don’t leave her. When does it end?
G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.
If Patty forces Erin to find her own life then maybe Erin won’t depend on her so much and she can go on living the fabulous life.
H. State the mystery.
Patty knows Erin inside and out, so she thinks. What’s really making Erin fat because it’s not about food.
I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.
Patty realizes that she can help Erin lose the weight. But that would mean she would lose her fashion muse. So convince her that her fat is good and Patty stays fabulous.
J. Intense language.
Fuck friends, and family. Erin is a selfish foody.
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Sharilyn’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation
What I learned from doing this assignment is…story is not static.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>4. For any parts where there is a substantial improvement, rewrite those parts of the TV Pitch Bible. Then, tell us what parts you changed and give a quick description of what you did.
I’m not ready to rewrite YET. But I have categorized. I need to organize the PB’s & E’s so that they make sense in the seasons. Like I need to build up to the episode. I also feel I need sequence these ideas. Right now I’m all over the place BUT I’m excited about storylines that I didn’t see before doing this exercise. I still think I can mine some more before I rewrite.
KEY: (PB)=Use in TV Pitch Bible (E)=Use in Episodes (D)=Don’t use
(Intriguing World)SITUATION(S)
DIG: What’s beneath that?
1. Level1-Erin does demands mad money to do food porn (D)
2. Level2-Erin’s motive is that she can eat and explore the “soft” porn industry (D)
3. Level3-Erin doesn’t wanna really lose weight but she monetizes her eating (D)
4. Level4-Erin’s self worth is tied to her physical appearance(PB & E)
5. Level5-As she gets bigger, her greed grows, as well as her ego (PB)
6. Level6-Erin goes for a porn guy who is turned off by her ego not her weight (PB)
EXTRAPOLATE: If…then…
1. If Erin does the porn then what kind is it? (D)
2. If Erin does not do porn then what does she do? (D)
3. If Erin loses the weight then will she pursue a teaching career? (E)
4. If the migrant kids’ parents find out Erin’s a porn star, then do they report her? (E)
WONDER: What if…
1. Erin knew she was being filmed and was performance eating all along (D)
2. Food/Supermarket companies approach her about legit advertisement (E)
3. She gets a “real” contract to be the spokesperson for a food product (E)
BACKTRACK: How could it have happened?
1. Erin set up the camera herself and pursued a job in porn. (D)
2. Patty invites Walley over to talk about managing Erin. (E)
3. Ms. Chen’s been feeding Erin fattening foods “poisoning” her (D)
4. Mi-Ya sets up the camera to present Erin has her “Face of Fat Fashion” (D)
FORECAST: How can this get worse?
1. The “soft” porn industry rejects her (D)
2. Her parents kick her our of the apartment they pay rent on (E)
3. Erin is labeled a pedophile and or sex offender b/c the “soft” porn is illegal (D)
4. Erin gets arrested, but cannot go to jail due to her size, so all the work she’s done
to get out of the house, confines her to house arrest! (E)
5. Walley uploads footage of Erin teaching the kids–Schools flag her as a sex-offender (D)
(Main)CHARACTER(S)
DIG: What’s beneath that?
1. Level1-Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya are always at odds, except pertaining to Erin’s hygiene (PB)
2. Level2-Mi-Ya confronts Ms. Chen about not connecting with her as a Furry (E)
3. Level3a-Ms. Chen complains that Mi-Ya hides behind her furry fandom(E)
4. LEvel3b-Mi-Ya complains that her mom is running from her real culture/family(E)
4. Level4-Mi-Ya contends that being a Furry is the only way her mother notices her(D)
5. Level5-Ms. Chen ignores Mi-Ya because she represents her abusive husband (PB)
EXTRAPOLATE: If…then…
1. If Patty and Mi-Ya form their own Fat Styling company then they leave Erin (PB)
2. If Walley regrets making Erin a star, then he must face his trailer trash background (PB)
3. If Erin slims down, then she’s labled a food porn impostor. (D)
WONDER: What if…
1. Patty becomes Patricio, one night with Gina. They make a baby! Erin gets jealous. (PB)
2. Patty returns to her religious roots as a father? (E)
3. Walley and Candy marry? (E)
4. Walley makes Candy compete with Erin?(D)
5. Walley goes legit?(D)
6. Erin uses her porn fame to find Ms. Chen after she ups and leaves?(D)
7. Erin’s been wearing a fat suit for a social experiment on fat acceptance?(D)
8. Walley turns out to be Erin’s brother? (PB)
BACKTRACK: How could it have happened?
1. Erin could become Walley’s love interest.(D)
2. Ms. Chen’s ex-husband could be the mastermind behind the “soft” Porn Palace site.(PB)
FORECAST: How can this get worse?
1. Erin’s biological parents are weirdo pornist.(D)
2. Erin’s biological parents gave her up b/c she was too big as a baby. (E)
3. Ms. Chen’s Ex been tracking her all the time. He finds her via Walley’s hack.(PB)
4. Mi-Ya’s been helping her father. She planted the camera to get even with her mother.(D)
5. Ms. Chen gets deported.(D)
6. Patty and Walley hook up. (D)
7. Walley is thrown into depression by Candy’s deflation. (E)
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Sharilyn’s Show Summary
What I learned from this assignment is…put the show pieces together, fill in the blanks and just write.
1. Summary format I like best: Pilot as Inciting Incident
2. Outline
1. Set up — Character’s normal situation: bedridden, super obese, eating alone in her bedroom
2. Twist/Hook: phone camera hack embarrasses her
3. Real situation – Major Empathy / Distress: unknown biological parents, fat shame, lose child
4. Twist/Hook: porn fame entices her
5. Impossible to solve conflict or major mystery: in trying to stay hidden she goes viral
6. Final Hook into the Series – Extreme Dramatic Question: Fat shame or porn fame?
3. Rough Draft:
The 600lb. life of a bedridden millennial, Erin Stodermann, goes viral when underground XXX engineer, Walley Stank, hacks her phone camera in search of the next BIG thing on the “soft” porn internet. As Erin tucks away in her bedroom, afraid of fat shamers and Trolls, millions of Chubby Chasers fetishize her every suck, lick and swallow.
After viewing the site Walley designs, the porn press comes a’callin’. Erin freaks out to her bestys who actually encourage her to food fuck, but for their own gain. Erin thinks she’s just a fat girl with a weight loss goal…or is she? Ginormous, with teats to her kneecaps and ass for days, Erin believes that no one sees her. But the camera does.
Porn becomes progress for Erin. She doesn’t wanna return to being hosed down like a pig and wearing drab muumuus. At a glimpse, she doesn’t appear to belong in the industry. But as she discovers, pornists are regular folks with issues just like her. After all, there’s no harm in eating sexy, if that’s all she does. Right?
4. BW Components to add:
• Engaging and Intriguing Character: she’s a fat girl with goals
• Intriguing World: internet “soft” porn internet
• Empathy/Distress: lost a child due to weight; parental rejection issues
• Mystery: who da’baby daddy?
• Layers: Weight loss not the real loss for Erin
• Open Loops: what’s the reason behind Erin’s overeating? Will she lose the weight?
• Conflict: She can’t lose weight and do her brand of fat freaky porn
• Relationship Hooks: Erin’s bestys monetize her; Erin + Patty as Patricio
• Irony: Porn = progress for Erin; porn innocence = food freakiness
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Sharilyn’s Episode Descriptions What I learned from this assignment is…just fill in the blanks.
Erin loses weight
Episode1 Hook: While reaching for a snack, Erin falls out of the bed and can’t get up!
Journey: Erin sees her weight as stifling
Conflict: Erin must face fat shaming by 1st Responders, neighbors, fam, friends
Act/React: Erin determines to lose weight…again
Cliffhanger: Erin bleeds from somewhere? Why? Her period…after so many years?
Episode2 Walley Hacks Erin’s phone
Hook: Ms. Chen weighs Erin; Walley designs The Big E “Erin Eats Everything” site
Journey: Patty and Erin reminisce. How did she get so big?
Conflict: Mi-Ya measures Erin for muumuus—the only thing she can fit
Act/React: Erin binges
Cliffhanger: Erin discovers she was pregnant. Blood = baby ≠ menstrual cycle
Episode3 Walley gets paid
Hook: Mi-Ya and Ms. Chen hose Erin down
Journey: Patty delivers breakfast, beats Erin’s face for b-fast
Conflict: Erin tells Patty about their baby loss. Patty, feeling religious guilt, accuses Erin
Act/React: Patty sulks leaving Erin to eat alone. Erin vows her last supper.
Cliffhanger: Porn press-Gina-contacts Walley who lies and says Erin is on board
Episode4 Patty proposes to Erin
Hook: Patty confesses to the priest who molested her
Journey: Erin tutors the migrant kids; Walley consults blow-up doll Candy
Conflict: Gina slides into Erin’s DM alerting Erin to her porn fame
Act/React: Erin freaks out! Pukes up all her food. Gets the runs. Shit is everywhere.
Cliffhanger: Patty, Mi-Ya, Ms. Chen all offer up their take. Who will Erin follow?
Episode5 Erin considers porn for profit
Hook: Erin scrolls through The Big E porn site; Chubby Chasers track Erin down
Journey: Patty persuades Erin
Conflict: Patty reaches out to Gina; Mi-Ya confronts Erin about her weight
Act/React: Erin food fights with Mi-Ya
Cliffhanger: Erin eats sexy. What do the porn people see in her?
Episode6 Erin walks!
Hook: Walley shows up at Erin’s door
Journey: Mi-Ya, Patty and Erin check out her site
Conflict: Walley apologizes to Erin
Act/React: Erin questions her worth to porn people, to herself
Cliffhanger: Patty approaches Walley about managing Erin
Episode7 Patty prepares Erin for Porn
Hook: Walley proposes to Candy
Journey: Patty slays Erin for Porn; Erin food fucks; Mi-Ya dresses Erin to eat
Conflict: Candy rejects Walley; Chubby Chasers demand Erin’s fandom; Ms. Chen reads Erin for filth
Act/React: Erin accepts the porn fans; defends herself-fat and all-against Ms. Chen
Cliffhanger: Ms. Chen feeds Erin healthy foods. Erin does not eat it
Episode8 Erin enters the Porn Palace
Hook: Erin looks at her naked self
Journey: Erin doesn’t see what the porn people see but she checks herself out
Conflict: Gina contacts Erin; Ms. Chen, Stu&Lu reject Erin’s porn for profit
Act/React: Erin accepts Gina’s invite
Cliffhanger: Patty hooks up with Gina; Mi-Ya & Ms. Chen argue; Ms. Chen leaves
Episode Rough Drafts
Episode1 Erin loses weight
Early morning cravings urge Erin out the bed. She falls as her weak legs collapse under her weight. She can’t get up. But surprisingly, her hovering caretaker, Ms. Chen, and her of touch adoptive parents, Stu&Lu arrive immediately.
First responders, neighbors, her bestys-Patty and Mi-Ya descend on her house. Fat shamed and devastated, Erin vows to lose weight. She feels moist. Clammy. Hot. She can’t faint. She’s bleeding from somewhere. Erin refuses to go to the hospital. Medics examine her. What’s wrong?
Episode2 Walley Hacks Erin’s phone
The makeshift medical examination shows that Erin had a miscarriage. Huh? Who da baby daddy?
Erin self soothes by binge eating. She’s a mess when Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya arrive to clean her room. Dress her. Meanwhile, her phone camera records the entire fiasco. XXX engineer Walley Stank has finally uploaded footage he can sell to the Porn Palace site. He pieces together The Big E “Erin Eats Everything.”
Fabulous Patty shoos everyone away from Erin. The two reminisce. How did they get to where they are? Erin super obese and bedridden; Patty excommunicated and still figuring her/him out. A tender moment passes between the bestys. Were they once lovers?
Episode3 Walley gets paid
Mi-Ya and Ms. Chen stop by early to hose Erin down like a hogwash. Mi-Ya dresses her in a new muumuu. It’s still the same fat dress for Erin. When they leave, Patty delivers breakfast, but first she beats Erin’s face and hair. Erin shares the news of their baby loss. Patty accuses Erin of not coming clean about the pregnancy in the first place.
Patty feels religious guilt for her nonbinary commitment. Patty storms out leaving Erin alone. Erin nods off, crying. Depressed. She has a nightmare about being the Biblical “woman with the issue of blood.” At the last supper table, she eats the Baby Jesus! She’s startled awake. Alone with the disturbing thought.
Walley’s site dedicated to Erin blows up. The Porn Press representative Gina Stellacio contacts Walley for an exclusive. He lies saying that Erin is on board.
Episode4 Patty proposes to Erin
Patty confesses to the Priest that fondled her as a teen. He’s changed but the church hasn’t. Erin finds solace in the migrant kids whose parents drop them off for free tutoring and baby-sitting. Walley lies awake in bed, uncomfortable lying. He confides in his blow-up doll girlfriend Candy Kane, who admonishes him.
Gina slides into Erin’s DM’s. Erin freaks out discovering she’s a porn star. She pukes and shits everywhere! Patty, Mi-Ya and Ms. chen all offer up their take on the hacking. Whose advice will Erin follow?
Episode5 Erin considers porn for profit
While dressing Erin, Mi-Ya confronts Erin about her weight. Erin food fights with Mi-Ya. Mi-Ya leaves. Chubby Chasers track Erin down. Alone in her house, she can’t get away from the unwanted attention. Patty to the rescue. She convinces Erin to take advantage of her new porn fame.
Later that night, Erin scrolls through her Big E porn site. Erin eats sexy, aroused by her ownself. This must be what the porn people see in her. Patty sees it too. Intrigued, she reaches out to Gina.
Episode6 Erin walks!
Walley comes to Erin’s house. She can’t answer the door; but Patty can. Patty strikes a deal with Walley: more food footage for finance and fashion. Mi-Ya strolls up and into the conversation. She wants in too. Erin doesn’t have to know. Everyone can benefit. There’s enough of Erin to go around.
Erin finally walks to her front door. Walley apologizes to her. He can’t face Candy without doing it. Erin does not accept the apology. But she does question her worth to these porn people; to herself?
Episode7 Patty prepares Erin for Porn
Ms. Chen feeds Erin healthy foods. Erin refuses to eat it. She has to stay fat for her fans. The Chubby Chasers demand Erin’s food footage. Ms. Chen reads Erin for filth. Erin defends her fat and freakiness. Mi-Ya and Patty slay Erin to eat everything. Erin fucks food for real!
Walley proposes to Candy. She rejects him. He’s devastated.
Episode8 Erin enters the Porn Palace
Erin presents her fully naked body in a full-length mirror. She slaps every roll, lifts every fold, pokes each dimple, and squeezes all the fluff. She still doesn’t see what the porn people see. Gina watches Erin via internet hack. She invites Erin to the Porn Press Headquarters. Erin accepts. Gina contacts Patty through Walley. Patty and Gina are instantly attracted to one another. Is this a lesbian hook up or business?
Erin enters the porn world as the Freaky Fat Foody! Erin shares her porno news with her parents, Stu&Lu. They want to sue for invasion of privacy. Erin explains how she’s flipping the hack for profit. Stu&Lu don’t recognize their daughter. Mi-Ya argues with her mom, Ms. Chen, about caring for Erin more than for her. Ms. Chen leaves. Erin as the “The Big E” is free to eat everything, but at what price?
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Sharilyn’s Episode List Rough Draft
What I learned from this assignment is…episodes can go to anywhere that the protagonist wants.
Episode 1: Erin loses weight
• Erin falls
• Walley posts Erin’s daily routine
• 1st Responders show up
• All (Neighbors, Fam, Medics, Ms. Chen, Mi-Ya) fat shame Erin
• “Aunt Flow” visits Erin
• Patty brings Erin’s favorite snack
Episode 2: Walley hacks Erin’s phone
• Erin binges
• Ms. Chen weighs Erin
• Walley creates “Erin Eats Everything” porn site
• Mi-Ya measures Erin for muumuus
• Erin and Patty reminisce
Episode 3: Walley gets paid
• Patty delivers breakfast
• Mi-Ya & Ms. Chen hose Erin down
• Patty slays Erin
• Porn Press-Gina contacts Walley
Episode 4: Patty proposes to Erin
• Gina slides into Erin’s DM
• Erin freaks out over her unknown porn fame
• Patty, Ms. Chen, Mi-Ya offer up their take
• Erin eats alone
• Walley consults with Candy
Episode 5: Erin considers porn for profit
• Chubby Chasers track Erin down
• Patty persuades Erin
• Patty reaches out to Gina
• Erin overeats
Episode 6: Erin walks
• Walley apologizes to Erin
• Erin gets back on her diet dean
• Ms. Chen feeds Erin healthy foods
• Patty, Mi-Ya and Erin view her porn site
• Erin questions her worth
Episode 7: Patty prepares Erin for porn
• Erin food fucks
• Mi-Ya and Patty conspire
• Ms. Chen, Stu & Lu feel guilty
• Walley proposes to Candy
• Chubby Chasers establish Erin’s fandom
Episode 8: Erin enters the porn palace
• Erin checks her naked body out
• Patty and Gina hook up
• Ms. Chen reads Erin for filth
• Erin dines with Dicks & Tits
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Sharilyn’s Five Seasons
What I learned from this assignment is…seasons break down in digestible parts when you have an idea of where the protagonist is going.
Season 1: Snack Attack
Porn can be profitable even when you don’t know you’re making big bucks as the star of the show. Such is the case with Erin whose phone camera has been hacked. Her 600lb. bedridden life as an English tutor to migrant children is safe. But when she discovers that her fat feeds a market of chubby chasers who pay-to-view her eat, sleep and creep she wonders if she can perform for them too? After all, she’s just walking again with the help of her bestys who have been a part of her life since kindergarten.
They’ve been through every diet and encourage her foray into food-fuckdom as it enables them to pursue their own dreams. Erin is not sure about her status as a freaky food queen, but she can’t continue to hole up in her house, dependent on her caretaker, and adopted parents. She’s been around…her bedpost, so she’s not naïve. There’s a life out there to live and she’s ready for it; even if it means exposing all of her struggles with family, friends, food and especially her fat.
Season 2: Munchies
Erin claims her titled as her “freaky fatness.” She’s achieved a certain status among pornists who welcome her brand of food fucking. The only problem is she doesn’t need her bestys like she used to. She’s got a fan club, money in the bank, and even a secret admirer. She’s plagued by her past though, having lost a child due to her weight.
After a wild night she lets loose and seals the deal with somebody who fathers another baby. She didn’t think she could get pregnant? Now she needs her family and friends for moral support. But they are not so willing to re-enter her food fortress. Plus she doesn’t even know who her baby-daddy is! Erin is unrecognizable to them; she’s still the same deep down inside; trying to fill a heart void with food.
Season 3: Acid Reflux
Erin’s a mommy now. She’s more motivated than ever to lose weight but the damn pornist won’t let her go. The money is still good but does she wanna expose her baby to this world? She wants for her kid what she didn’t grow up with: knowing who she is and being confident in that. She has a good idea about who her baby-daddy is; but without his cooperation, she can’t even begin to stabilize her life.
Her adopted parents and caretaker become her rocks as she uses her porn fame to connect with her biological parents. They show up and show out. Yet she can’t trust that they are truly her parents. Everyone around her seems to doubt, but even they have hidden agendas. After all, if Erin settles in the motherhood, they’re cut out of the porn profits. Everyone has a reason to keep her fat.
Season 4: Hangry
That’s it! Erin knows why she’s fat and it’s not food. Her friends, adopted family, even the porn world has found a way to take from her while feeding her. It worked for a while, until it didn’t. The void that she’s been trying to fill with the searching for her biological parents and porn fame are not enough to sustain her kid. She vows to get weightloss surgery.
As a “thin” chick she believes life will be better. She can get a real job. Make honest money. Buy a house of her own. But she’s lonely as a single mom. She misses the porn people. When her hacker proposes a partnership, she considers it. She can be a big, boss bitch. But she’ll need her friends again even though they betrayed her. She’s willing to try
Season 5: Take-Out
Erin is fat again. She ate through the surgery. Her kid is so active she can’t keep up. The pressures of being a businesswoman over whelm her. She misses the neighborhood kids. They would be good playmates for her own child. Surprisingly, Her baby daddy comes back into her life. The two share a kid and cravings. But can they be a family?
The porn partnership was a scam. Erin can’t return to the life since her reputation has been ruined. She must balance her emotions with her eating so that she doesn’t get out of control. Her friends have propose another eating endeavor. But she wants to enjoy food like she did while performing. She loses her house and has to move back in with her folks. What she wants most is to accept herself. She realizes that when she can do this, she can do anything.
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Sharilyn’s Character Descriptions
What I learned from this assignment is…characters must be built from the inside-out, which is really hard since I’m just getting to know them.
CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS – Erin
• Who is the character? Erin Stodermann Role in the show? bedridden 600lb. millennial / perky protagonist with a weightloss goal that is interrupted by sudden underground/internet porn fame
• Noteworthy traits : flip, smart, kind to kids, bilingual
• Intriguing history : adopted, lost a child
• Intrigue : Why is the porn world enamored with her particular brand of food f#*%^@$? What makes her sex sell?
• Mystery? Who is / was her baby-daddy? Who are her birth parents? Will she choose fat shame or porn fame?
• How do they support or drive the conflict with others? She is the center of the viral “soft” porn world
• Irony – Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character : By being a good role-model for the kids she can’t do porn, be morbidly obese; fear of being seen makes her go viral; losing weight equals losing $$, acceptance
• Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: Not doing porn holds back the dreams of her friends who invest in her career
• Unpredictable? Food rituals
• Intriguing relationship with one or more character : Walley, Patty, Johnny, Chubby Chasers
HOW TO WRITE IT
START: Present the character as someone we can relate to: A 600lb. millennial on a weight loss journey is afraid to leave her house for fear of judgment
MIDDLE: Conflict, intrigue, and issues. When her phone camera is hacked, she unknowingly goes viral as all of her struggles with food and fat are exposed to novelty internet porn people
ENDING: A final punchline that hooks us and sends us into the future of the story : She succumbs to the acceptance of the porn world at the expense of her emotional and physical health
EDITED VERSION – Erin
A 600lb. millennial on a weight loss-journey is desperate to escape her bedroom but for fear of judgment about her size, she enrolls in on-line courses. A bilingual adoptee, she never wants any kid to feel rejected. So she tutors immigrant kids in her neighborhood, free of charge. When she discovers her phone camera has been hacked, and that her life, including a hokey family, endless food, and of course, enormous FAT- has been paid-by-view on a porn site, she freaks out.
At first, she shrinks from her viral status. But then, her bestys point out that the money she earns just by allowing porn people watch her dine, dress, and dream could aid in her search for a new life and new body. The acceptance she gains by being fat encourage her to explore her brand of chubby chasing pleasure while she navigates the “soft” porn world of “normal” size and “normal” sex.
CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS – Patty
• Who is the character? Patricio “Patty” Rodriquez Role in the show? Ride-or-die-sidekick-chick
• Noteworthy traits : Passionate, outspoken, pretty, loyal, sassy, not classy and oh-so-nasty
• Intriguing history : Trans-Latina, excommunication, lost a child
• Intrigue : Why does she betray her besty?
• Mystery? Will she be a he to make another baby? Why not get the operation?
• How do they support or drive the conflict with others? Fierce loyalty = fierce defense of her besty / the lifestyle
• Irony – Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character : Attraction to both men and women
• Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: Friendship over fame/fashion
• Unpredictable? Gender fluid
• Intriguing relationship with one or more character : Ms. Chen, Mi-Ya, Gina, Walley
HOW TO WRITE IT
START: Present the character as someone we can relate to: A fiercely loyal, and gender fluid, ride-or-die friend
MIDDLE: Conflict, intrigue, and issues. : Can’t resist the urge to use her junk and make her own family, while exploring a lesbian attraction. The porn world opens her up to possibilities that clash with her besty
ENDING: A final punchline that hooks us and sends us into the future of the story : She can’t be everything to everyone which forces her to choose herself at the expense of relationships
EDITED VERSION – Patty
A fiercely loyal and gender fluid, ride-or-die chick, she goes all in to be there for friends and fashion. Unfortunately being true to herself has never clicked with her traditional Latin family who excommunicate her after she comes all the way out. Unable to live under religious judgment, she makes herself available to chill with her besty, doing her hair and make-up, running food errands, and gossiping.
The two share an unbreakable bond after one wild night. She wants to take advantage of the porn fame her friend receives in order to launch her own fashion / stylist empire. She connects with others in the business who encourage her to do her thang even if it means turning her back on her besty. She realizes she can’t be the sidekick all her life and takes porn matters into her own hands, literally and figuratively.
CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS – Ms. Chen
• Who is the character? Ah-Nie Chen Role in the show? Counterpoint, voice of reason, Motherly, means well but through tough love
• Noteworthy traits : hardworking, blunt, honest, dependable
• Intriguing history : illegal immigrant, not divorced
• Intrigue : Why sabotage the weight loss journey?
• Mystery? How does she find the biological parents? Why cavort with the adopted parents?
• How do they support or drive the conflict with others? Fiery spirit drives wedges between family / friends
• Irony – Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character : She hurts those she helps
• Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: Micromanaging stifles
• Unpredictable? She fights back
• Intriguing relationship with one or more character : Mi-Ya, Johnny, Stu&Lu, Wei Chen(the ex)
HOW TO WRITE IT
START: Present the character as someone we can relate to: Hyper organized caretaker and faithful single, immigrant mother of a daughter she doesn’t connect with
MIDDLE: Conflict, intrigue, and issues. Manages everyone’s life but her own as she never divorced her abusive hubby, who poses a looming threat to her immigration status
ENDING: A final punchline that hooks us and sends us into the future of the story : She can’t move on with her life until she is willing to face her abusive, lonely past
EDITED VERSION – Ms. Chen
A busy-body caretaker who means well, she inserts herself where she is not wanted because she has no family here; except for her daughter with whom she doesn’t connect. She’s made do as a single mom, struggling every step; but optimistic that if she just pushes onward things will get better for her financially.
A glimpse into the porn world (so many needy people!) opens her eyes to women who need her strength, and mothering. She’s so used to controlling everyone around her, she gets sucked in by the new challenge of managing their lives. The money is good too. When her abusive hubby gets wind of her unconventional new job, he demands parts of profit, threatening to report her to customs if she doesn’t give it up and give in to his demands.
CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS – Walley
• Who is the character? Walley Stank Role in the show? Antagonist surface ass-hole
• Noteworthy traits : hacking, sensitive,
• Intriguing history : in love w/a blow-up doll-Candy; double-wide trailer trash, bullied
• Intrigue : Why does he hack? Will Candy return his love? Will Erin forgive him for making her a porn star?
• Mystery? What will he do with footage he’s collected?
• How do they support or drive the conflict with others? No one, but Candy, trusts him
• Irony – Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character : He’s a confused genius
• Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters:
• Unpredictable? Never know if he’s “on” to you
• Intriguing relationship with one or more character : Erin, Gina, Chubby Chasers, Candy
HOW TO WRITE IT
START: Present the character as someone we can relate to: A high school drop-out from a dead town who is brilliantly stupid. Years of bullying cause him to confide in his blow-up doll lover, which cause him to live in a mixed reality.
MIDDLE: Conflict, intrigue, and issues. He discovers hacking as a kid and enjoys the power of anonymity as he voyeurs into neighbors’ trailers.
ENDING: A final punchline that hooks us and sends us into the future of the story : He has to satisfy the sex-charged fat-for-profit phenomena while building an on-line porn presence in a business that only accepts what he can do for them.
EDITED VERSION – Walley
A high school drop-out from a dead town who is brilliantly stupid. Years of bullying cause him to confide in his blow-up doll lover, who encourages him to live in a mixed reality behind his computers. When he discovers his ability to voyeur into neighbors’ trailers, he collects footage and begins to sell it on the dark web. When he stumbles upon the fat fetish fandom, his thirst for the next biggest thing rages.
In the porn world, he is not a weirdo. In fact, he’s totally accepted as most understand his background. What he can’t get is respectability, as he is not contracted to work for any major outlet. He decides to build his own internet porn site but he is met with opposition from not only the establishment, but also from chubby chasers who pay top dollar to view fresh meat. As he strives to meet the demands for freaky fatness, he loses himself in a world he cannot control and doesn’t fully understand.
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Sharilyn’s Intriguing Concept and World
What I learned from doing this assignment…clench the concept, culminate the show!
1. Present your Concept.
A. Engaging and highly proactive hero…”A bedridden 600lb. millennial on a weightloss journey
B. …up against a major conflict…”unknowingly goes viral when a XXXengineer hacks her phone camera
C. …goes on unique transformational journey…”exposing her struggles with family, friends, food and FAT
D. …Into an intriguing world. “while simultaneously turning her into an underground porn star.”
2. Tell us the World of this show.
Unique Sub-World: Sex charged internet “soft” porn industry
Previously unexplored: The tedious and “realness” of porn people
The unknown: Will 600lb. Erin choose fat shame over porn fame?
The unseen: Internet Trolls
Unheard of Dangers: STD’s, emotional distress, pressure to “perform”
Reason to explore it: Billion dollar industry
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Sharilyn has completed the BW framework!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…I’ve been writing the pieces all along. Now I gotta go back to understand what I wrote!?!?!
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Sharilyn’s Creating Irony!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…K.I.S.S: Keep Irony Simple Scribe
ASSIGNMENT #1 Irony already discovered in “Big Little Lies”
1. The smallest character in stature, Madeline, is the most revered and feared
2. The assumption from all “outside” parents is that Madeline is THEE rich-bitch-clique- Queen but she is the one who stands-by, defends and clings to underdog Jane
3. Boss mom Renata and Damaged mom Jane become friends
4. On the outside Perry and Perfect Mom Celeste have a perfect life but it is filled with violent outbursts and abusive sex
5. All the 6year olds know how to make-up, accept, support and affirm each other despite their parents’ bad behavior accusations, defamations, retaliations, and situations
6. Perry plays with his 6yearold twins as the “monster” and he really is a monster as a date-rapist-sadist-control freak
7. Zen-cool-calm & collected Bonnie delivers the final “over-the-edge” push to kill Perry
ASSIGNMENT #2 My show “8Bytes”
CHARACTER ⇐IRONIES⇒ SITUATIONAL
1. The weight Erin despises is loved by 1. Porn = progress/acceptance for Erin
Chubby Chasers
2. Erin appears innocent but is really freaky 2. Erin avoids leaving her house
but her videos go viral
3. Patty appears to support Erin but for her 3. Erin can’t continue in porn and
own gain teaching
4. Patty-translatina, makes a baby w/Erin 4. Erin discovers that her birth parents are thin
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Sharilyn’s Plot and Character Layers
What I learned from doing this assignment is…the intricacies of the plot line must be obvious to me as the writer so that I can put the pieces together for the pilot.
ASSIGNMENT #1 for Sample Show “Big Little Lies”
PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
Layer 1: Thought the story was one thing, but it is another-the a twist in that Madeline is not murdered but rather Perry
Layer 2: Major shift in Meaning-Bonnie and Madeline share a deep connection over Perry’s death
Layer 3: Hidden plan-Keeping Perry’s murderer protected ends season one as there are only 7 episodes
CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
Layer 1: Secret identity-Perry is the date-rapist-baby-daddy to Ziggy
Layer 2: Character intrigue-Zen cool Bonnie delivers the literal “over-the-edge” death push to Perry
Layer 3: Hidden relationships and conspiracies-the series ends with the “Monte Rey 5” women-Madeline, Bonnie, Renata, Celeste, Jane-bonding/covering up over their part in Perry’s murder
ASSIGNMENT #2 “8Bytes” brainstorm
PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
• Thought the story was one thing, but it is another-weight loss not the real loss Erin deals with
• Major shift in Meaning-Porn equals progress for Erin
• Hidden history-Erin is adopted
• Hidden plan-Patty pushes Erin to the porn so she can promote her make up artistry
• Major betrayal-Ms. Chen sets up the camera
2. Brainstorm a list of possible CHARACTER layers.
CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
• Secret identity-Patty keeps her junk
• Character intrigue-Patty and Erin have heterosex and make a baby
• Hidden relationships and conspiracies-Gina & Patty’s lesbian attraction causes them to conspire for Erin’s success in the biz
3. Organize them each into a possible sequence of reveals.
Plot Surface: Weight loss and food addiction
• Layer 1: Sabotage-Foods she eats don’t help her lose weight so why does she eat them?
• Layer 2: Hidden Agenda-Why does Patty want Erin to go forward in porn?
• Layer 3: Future Consequences-Erin loses her teaching license if she pursues success in the sex industry
• Layer 4: Major Scheme revealed-Patty and Gina conspire with Chubby Chasers
• Layer 5: Thought the story was one thing but it’s another-this is not about weight loss, but rather about being trapped, misinterpreted, rejected
• Layer 6: Major shift in meaning—Social statement: fat can be healthy and sexy
• Layer 7: Hidden history-Erin’s adopted parents are thin—did they give her up because she was a fat kid?
• Layer 8: Hidden Plan-Profit off of Erin’s fat; Erin can’t lose the weight because then those who have invested in her lose $$
• Layer 10: Major betrayal-Why do Erin’s caretaker and friends want her to stay fat?
Character Surface: Erin’s weight keeps her from living a real life
• Layer 1: Hidden agenda-Ms. Chen, Stu&Lu, Patty all want Erin to remain fat
• Layer 2: Competition- “Naturally” thin people freak Erin out
• Layer 3: Conspiracy-Gina and Patty appeal to Chubby Chasers to give Erin a false sense of acceptance
• Layer 4: Secrets-Patty wants another baby with Erin
• Layer 5: Deception-Erin embraces the porn industry because it embraces her fat
• Layer 6: Wound-adoption by old Yuppies and her fat makes Erin not “fit” anywhere
• Layer 7: Common ground-Erin is a freak under the sheets just the porn people
• Layer 8: Conflict-Erin can’t be a teacher and a porn star—two things she adores
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Sharilyn’s Plot and Character Layers
What I learned from doing this assignment is…the intricacies of the plot line must be obvious to me as the writer so that I can put the pieces together for the pilot.
ASSIGNMENT #1 for Sample Show “Big Little Lies”
PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
Thought the story was one thing, but it is another-the a twist in that Madeline is not murdered but rather Perry
Major shift in Meaning-Bonnie and Madeline share a deep connection over Perry’s death
Hidden plan-Keeping Perry’s murderer protected ends season on only 7 episodes
CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
Secret identity-Perry is the date-rapist-baby-daddy to Ziggy
Character intrigue-Zen cool Bonnie delivers the literal “over-the-edge” death push to Perry
Hidden relationships and conspiracies-the series ends with the “Monte Rey 5” women-Madeline, Bonnie, Renata, Celeste,Jane-bonding/covering up over their part in Perry’s murder
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Sharilyn’s Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned from doing this assignment is…brainstorming is everything.
ASSIGNMENT #2 5-8 Big pix open loops that could show up up in my “8Bytes” pilot
GOALS: New Goals-Erin uses weight loss as a reason to get out of her house BUT…
Conflict-getting out of her house conflicts with her fear of being seen in public
CONSEQUENCES: Problem b/c of her past-Overeating traps her literally and physically
SOLVING PROBLEMS: Trying to solve-the reason why Erin was adopted
New Problem-Erin’s birth parents aren’t fat
RELATIONSHIPS: Changing-Should Erin and Patty make another baby?
DANGER / SURVIVAL: Patty and Erin lose the baby due to Erin’s weight
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Sharilyn’s Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned from doing this assignment is…the different ways to reveal character relationships and dynamics can be categorized. Brainstorming is everything.
ASSIGNMENT #1 List of Big Picture Loops for “Big Little Lies”
GOAL(s): 1)Will Madeline be able to overcome her jealousy of Bonnie and disgust for her ex-hubby Nate and move forward in her current marriage to nice-guy Ed?
2) Will Celeste leave Perry?
3) Will Jane avenge the date rape that caused Ziggy?
CONSEQUENCES:
Will Madeline’s one-night stand with theatre director Joe cause nice-guy Ed to leave her?
SOLVING PROBLEM(S):
1. Who killed Madeline? (which turned out to be a BIG reveal/reversal as she wasn’t the one killed!)
2. Will Renata discover who is bullying little Amabella?
RELATIONSHIPS:
1. Renata and Jane reconcile.
2. Ed and Nate fight.
3. Barista Thomas invites Jane out.
DANGER/SURVIVAL:
1. As Perry stomps Celeste, Renata, Celeste and Madeline try to fend him off BUT Bonnie deals the fatal blow. Will the Monterey 5 keep the secret?
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Sharilyn’s Show Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is…I have no mystery in my show 🙁
8Bytes
SHOCKING EVENT OVERTIME MYSTERY
**Erin falls and cannot get up. She calls her aide and Parents, **Why & how did Patty & Erin have a kid?
They conveniently pop-in? She’s bleeding. Is it her period
or something else? COVER UP: Erin is pregnant again
SECRET: She’s been taking baby steps SECRET: Dr. lies to Erin telling her she can’t have anymore children.
INVESTIGATION: Who planted a camera REVEALS: 1. Patty’s junk still works
in Erin’s efficiency apt.? 2. Erin has a crush
3. A Chubby Chaser likes Erin
4. Erin has sex again
WHO: Erin, Ms. Chen, Stu&Lu, Mi-Ya WHO: Erin, Patty, Johnny, Mi-Ya, Gina
WHAT: Ms. Chen plants a camera WHAT: Erin’s sex-capade
WHEN: Night before WHEN: Night
WHERE: Erin’s room in door way (wide view) WHERE: Erin’s room
WHY: To monitor Erin’s eating, activities WHY: Wild porn night gets everyone hot
HOW: Just sticks camera up there HOW: Erin and Johnny awkward but effective sex
Part withheld: Mi-Ya is in on it Part withheld: Patty & Gina become lovers; Mi-Ya crushes on Johnny; Johnny is Walley’s nephew
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Sharilyn’s Show Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is…I have no mystery in my show 🙁
“Big Little Lies”
BIG PICTURE Mystery: Who killed Madeline?
BUILT OVERTIME MYSTERY:
1. Jane’s obsessive revenge search of her date-rape-baby-daddy
2. Will Celeste leave Perry as their sex grow more violent?
3. Who is bullying Amabella?
4. Will nice-guy Ed come on to his 17yr. old step-daughter? Bonnie or any other available woman willing to satisfy his sexual frustration?
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What I learned doing this assignment is…the possibilities for character/plot complications are endless.
Sharilyn’s “Big Little Lies” Big Picture Empathy/Distress
ASSIGNMENT #1
1. Madeline’s 17yr. old moves out and in with her dad Nate and his new wife & family
2. Celeste goes singly to the marriage counselor, who encourages her to leave Perry
3. Jane makes up w/Renata for accusing her son of stangularization
4. Madeline admits her feelings for Joe and reveals her one-nighter with him
Sharilyn’s “8Bytes” Big Picture Empathy/Distress
ASSIGNMENT #2
A. Undeserved misfortune
1. Erin loses a baby and told by doctors it was due to her weight
2. Patty’s parents subject her to a homosexual exorcism
3. Walley forced to film and upload for $$ his stepfather(?)/”uncle” abuse his mom
4. Mi-Ya not allowed to join the Kindergarten Circle of Sisters
5. Ms. Chen forced out of the local Filipino community after fighting her abusive husband
B. External Character Conflicts
1. Walley hacks Erin’s phone, uploading and posting her daily hygiene and eating habits
2. Patty makes a deal with the Porn Press to get more footage of Erin if they would advertise her make-up artistry
3. Mi-Ya stages a fat fashion show for Erin only
4. Chubby Chasers fetishize Erin
5. Food sabotages Erin’s weight loss efforts
C. Plot intruding on Life
1. Erin gets rejected from the teacher certification program b/c of her porn involvement
2. Erin doesn’t lose weight b/c she believes her own fat fetish hype and fears she won’t be able to have children
3. Fake birth parents show up for Erin
4. Patty falls for Gina leaving Erin out
5. Erin is the only success for Walley
D. Moral Dilemmas
1. If Erin goes for weight loss surgery, she loses $$ from her porn fame and it may mean she cannot have children due to the undue stress on her body
2. Continuing in the porn industry is her only stream of income but is also means she cannot teach
3. Choosing to search for her birth parents opens Erin up to a host of weirdos who lead her down a road of more self-loathing
Forced Decisions they’d never make
1. Erin would never leave her bedroom but is outted by Walley’s hacking
2. Erin would never be a porn star but is made in to one by Chubby Chasers
3. Patty would never betray Erin but she does b/c she’s desperate to show up her parents
4. Walley would never hack but he didn’t finish high school and can’t do anything else/keep any other job where he feels important
5. Ms. Chen would never come down so hard on Erin if she could communicate with her own daughter
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Sharilyn’s Show “8Bytes” Relationship Map
What I learned doing this assignment is…making character connections provides the basis for their actions/reactions to situations.
ASSIGNMENT 2 for “8Bytes” ERIN to Mi-Ya
Surface: Mi-Ya is Erin’s Muumuu maker
Common Ground:fashion mags; her bedroom, school
Conflict: Doesn’t see the harm in Erin being hacked if she takes advantaged of it
History: Elementary school bullying for being different, fashion show for fat girls
Subtext: “Get over yourself!”; jealousy
Relationship Arc:
ASSIGNMENT 2 for “8Bytes” ERIN to Gina
Surface: Porn Press
Common Ground: Dark Web, her bedroom, Chubby Chasers
Conflict: Monetizing her body parts
History: Overeating; fat camp
Subtext: Demoralizing Erin
Relationship Arc: Remember what it is to be the fat girl
ASSIGNMENT 2 for “8Bytes” ERIN to Walley
Surface: Hacker Antagonist
Common Ground: Dark Web, Erin’s Bedroom, Chubby Chasers, phone camera
Conflict: Invasion of privacy
History: Fat fetish
Subtext: Objectifying
Relationship Arc: Realizing he doesn’t have to hack to get his power back
ASSIGNMENT 2 for “8Bytes” PATTY to Erin
Surface: Model; Bestie 31
Common Ground: Erin’s Bedroom, fashion mags
Conflict: In cahoots w/Gina on the low for free press and an “in”
History: Besties since Community Daycare days; their shared baby
Subtext: Both her male and female “genderization” vulnerable to Erin only
Relationship Arc: From surface rejections to purposeful introspection
ASSIGNMENT 2 for “8Bytes” PATTY to Mi-Ya
Surface: Styling partner; bestie #2
Common Ground: Erin’s bedroom; fashion mags, the mall, cat car
Conflict: Business tactics
History: Besties since 3rd grade; fashion sense for the fat and freaky
Subtext: The ease of womanhood
Relationship Arc: Goes from partner to competitor
ASSIGNMENT 2 for “8Bytes” PATTY to Gina
Surface: Legit Porn reporter
Common Ground: Porn Palace Office
Conflict: Need each other but don’t trust each other to pub each other
History: Lesbian attraction?
Subtext: Still figuring herself out
Relationship Arc: From mistrust to just enough to lust
ASSIGNMENT 2 for “8Bytes” WALLEY to Mac
Surface: Mac is his assistant
Common Ground: His Garage; basement
Conflict: On-the-job training too close for her comfort
History: B-actress who’s laid down on her share of the casting couch
Subtext: Sexual tension keeps them from really making it big
Relationship Arc: From his lecherous come-on’s to a mutual respect
ASSIGNMENT 2 for “8Bytes” WALLEY to Gina
Surface: She is a legit Porn reporter
Common Ground: Porn palace office, Dark Web
Conflict: Neither validates and or recognizes the other’s work
History: competition to get out the “next best thing”
Subtext: Intimidation
Relationship Arc: From her belittling him to both accepting the challenge
ASSIGNMENT 2 for “8Bytes” WALLEY to the Chubby Chasers
Surface: They subscribe to his channel; support, “friend,” fans
Common Ground: the Dark Web
Conflict: High demand for Erin posts
History: the former bullies are now his subcribers
Subtext: He is empowered b/c they need him to feed their fat fetish
Relationship Arc: from demanding customers to co-conspirators
ASSIGNMENT 2 for “8Bytes” MS. CHEN to Mi-Ya
Surface: Mother to Daughter
Common Ground: Erin’s bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, cat car
Conflict: Generation gap
History: Baby Daddy issues
Subtext: “I know what’s best for you”
Relationship Arc: from viewing her as her little girl to appreciating her journey to womanhood
ASSIGNMENT 2 for “8Bytes” MS. CHEN to Stu & Lu
Surface: Chosen Family
Common Ground: Erin’s Bedroom, the kitchen
Conflict: Helicopter Parenting vs “Adulting” Erin
History: Community Center Daycare
Subtext: We’re all in this together
Relationship Arc: friendship boundaries
ASSIGNMENT 2 for “8Bytes” MS. CHEN to Johnny
Surface: Nemesis
Common Ground: Living room, porch, community center
Conflict: Influence. competition, credit for Erin’s weight loss
History: Both worked at the Community Center
Subtext: She feels he thinks he knows what;s best for Erin
Relationship Arc: From competitors to co-workers
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Sharilyn’s Show Relationship Map
What I learned doing this assignment is…making character connections provides the basis for their actions/reactions to situations.
ASSIGNMENT 1 for “Big Little Lies” Madeline to Chloe
Surface: Mother to 6yr. old daughter
Common Ground: home, school, nice-guy father/hubby Ed
Conflict: She can’t hide anything from her
History: Chloe is her “mini-me” Queen bee
Subtext: Chloe anticipates her mother’s “moves”
Relationship Arc: “Don’t be like mommy”
ASSIGNMENT 1 for “Big Little Lies” Madeline to Bonnie
Surface: Her Ex’s 2nd wife
Common Ground: School, Ex-Nate
Conflict: Competition for Abby’s attention; jealous of her youth, beauty, Zen-cool-ness
History: She fills in Nate’s gaps which Madeline never could
Subtext: Embodies Madeline’s insecurities
Relationship Arc: Madeline can learn something from Bonnie
ASSIGNMENT 1 for “Big Little Lies” Madeline to Joseph
Surface: Community Theatre Director
Common Ground: Theatre, coffee shop, car
Conflict: He wants a relationship with her and she doesn’t
History: Their one time tryst
Subtext: Reveals her dissatisfaction/”just settling” w/nice-guy Ed
Relationship Arc: Maybe we can be something to one another?
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Sharilyn’s Show “8Bytes” Relationship Map
What I learned doing this assignment is…making character connections provides the basis for their actions to situations.
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What I learned fro doing this assignment is…you can’t write subtext. It surges from how the characters react, which you have to brainstorm.
“Big Little Lies”
Renata
A. Queen Bee status / Rejection
B. Power(dominance) / Self-esteem
C. Worthless / Important
D. Her 6year-old
E. Rejection
F. Fight Back
Celeste
A.Peace / Exposure
B. Power(respect) / Approval
C. Shame / Perfection
D. Husband Perry
E. Perry
F. Violent sex
“8Bytes” Erin
A. Weight loss / Rejection
B. ?? A Life outside of her room / Acceptance
C. Worthless / Know-it-all
D. Food / unknown family
E. Exposure
F. Snacking
Patty
A. Nonbinary Love / Judgment
B. $$ / To be understood
C. Guilt / Pride
D. Loss of family
E. Religious rhetoric
F. Getting you told
Ms. Chen
A. Self Control / Disorder
B. Power(organization) / Security
C. Smallness / Self-importance
D. hurts those she helps
E. Deception, liars
F. Physical outburst
Walley
A. Success / Poverty
B. Recognition (appreciation) / Validation
C. Confusion / Genius
D. Any kind of woman
E. being belittled
F. Shrinking back, surfing the web
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What I learned doing this assignment is…episode possibilities and show dynamics stem from brainstorming.
INTRIGUE in “Big Little Lies”
1. Sexual tension between Madeline and the community theatre Director
2. Madeline’s good-guy hubby, Ed, eyes her 17 year old-daughter
3. Perry and Celest’s violent, angry sex-capades may explode
4. Little Ziggy is an eerie sleepwalker
5. Jane’s recurring nightmare and rape
6. Amabella lied on Ziggy
“8Bytes” My Inner Circle INTRIGUE:
CHARACTER NAME: Erin ROLE: Protagonist HIDDEN AGENDA: May use her porn fame to find her birth parents COMPETITION: Thin people CONSPIRACY: ?? SECRETS: She and Patty made and lost a baby when Patty was still figuring it out DECEPTION: Loves how the Porn industry accepts anyone willing to do anything WOUND: Adopted by old Yuppies SECRET IDENTITY: ??
CHARACTER NAME: Patty ROLE: Sidekick HIDDEN AGENDA: Get her make-up artistry advertised COMPETITION: Cis-chicks CONSPIRACY: Porn reporter Gina SECRETS: Wants to make another baby with Erin DECEPTION:?? WOUND: Rejected by her hyper-Evangelical Parents & community SECRET IDENTITY:??
CHARACTER NAME: Ms. Chen ROLE: Foil HIDDEN AGENDA: ?? COMPETITION: “Respectable” Porn people CONSPIRACY: ?? SECRETS: He’s in love with a blow-up doll DECEPTION: ?? WOUND: No formal education; bullied badly SECRET IDENTITY: ??
CHARACTER NAME: Walley ROLE: Antagonist HIDDEN AGENDA: Stability in care-taking for Erin COMPETITION: ?? CONSPIRACY: In cahoots with Erin’s adopted parents to keep birth parents at bay SECRETS: Not divorced DECEPTION: ?? WOUND: Abused by husband SECRET IDENTITY: ??
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What I learned doing this assignment is…the main characters have to grab you enough for you to want to watch the next episode.
My show’s journey: In “8Bytes” the phone camera of a bedridden six-hundred pound pretty millennial is hacked by a needy XXX-engineer. She unknowingly goes viral as her struggles with food, family, friends, and of course, her fat, circulate. Confronted with her notoriety, she must choose between fat shame or porn fame.
“Big Little Lies” Renata “8Bytes” ERIN PATTY MS. CHEN WALLEY
1. Role in the Show: Antagonist Protagonist Sidekick Foil Antagonist
2. Purpose: Oppose Madeline Lose weight Support Erin Push Erin Oppose Erin
Expertise: Belittling others Eating, bilingual Fashion/Make-up Organizing Hacking
Boss-Bitch teaching Come-backs Care-taking
3. Secret: Wants 2 B liked Adopted Does not want the Still married School & accepted by the “operation” Drop-out
Parents No formal ed.
4. Moral Issue: Mean to kids Will do anything Will do anything Humiliates Hacks for $
to lose weight for $$ as she helps Erin
5. Unpredictability:Vulnerability Weird things she Angry outbursts
does w/food
6.Empathy: The only one who Her weight=pain Her fierce Her MamaBear Was
confronts Madeline of rejection loyalty makes courage bullied
on her shit you love her encourages
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What I learned do this assignment is…take time to delineate character details as they determine the show’s direction and dynamics.
“Big Little Lies” 3Circles of Characters
MAIN: Madeline, Celeste, Jane, Renata
CONNECTED: Ed, Nate, Perry, Abby, Chloe, Ziggy, Sky, Josh&Max, Theatre Director, Bonnie, Barista Tom
ENVIRONMENT: Other moms, Husbands, 1st Graders, Teachers, Principal, cafe regulars, Theatre Folks, Students
My Show “8Bytes”
MAIN (all FEED Erin):
1. Erin-A fashionable foodie who innocently feeds herself to the internet lions
2. Patty-Translatina bestie feeds off of Erin’s food frenzies
3. Ms. Chen-Erin’s caretaker force feeds the truth about life
4. Walley-Feeds the trollss who support and detract from Erin’s weight
CONNECTED (all SPOIL Erin):
1. Stu & Lu-Erin’s adopted parents spoil her
2. Mi-Ya-Ms. Chen’s daughter delivers the spoils
3. Johnny-Erin’s love interest spoiled for choice
4. Mac-Walley’s sidekick spoils for a fight with Erin
5. Gina-Reporter gathers the spoils on Erin as she wars with Walley
6. Jane-Spoilsport to Erin’s viral success
7. Lester & Rodney-Both “make a spoon and spoil the herd” as superfans
ENVIRONMENT (all CREEP in Erin’s life):
1. Internet Trolls/fans
2. Chubby Chasers
3. The Porn Press
4. 1st Responders
5. College Classmates
6. Delivery Dudes
7. Maintenance Workers
8. Fat Friends
9. Family
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Hey yous! Jersey talk from this Jersey gurl Sharilyn Kyle. I’ve written 5 features, a couple of pilots and shorts here and there. I hope to come away from this class with a viable Bible. My uniqueness stems from me playing the cello. I’m not special…only to my hubby. I’m not strange unless you count the fact that I can…and of course there’s that unusual time I…MUAH!
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What I learned doing this assignment is…analyzing a show enables you to see “into” the character, revealing their intentions and providing context for their actions.
Big Little Lies BEATS
TEASER–A sunny shoreline drive cuts to a dark red and blue police flashing lights
1. Opening Image – Uber-mom coaches her 6-year old in the car drive to 1<sup>st</sup>grade orientation
2. I.I. – Uber-mom slams on brakes behind a teenage driven car occupied by her daughter.
a) Uber-mom confronts the teen driver, embarrassing her daughter
b) Uber-mom turns on her heels, falls in the street where Damaged Mom assists her
c) Uber-mom befriends Damaged Mom
3. 1<sup>st</sup>Act decision T.P. – Uber-mom very publicly confronts Career Mom about Damaged Mom’s son’s accusation of rough-play with her daughter. Parents take sides.
4. Plan A – Uber-mom identifies w/ Damaged Mom
5.Midpoint – Uber-mom laments motherhood
6. Plan B – Uber-mom determines to save her school play from a Parent Petition.
7. 2<sup>nd</sup>Act Break – Career Mom plots against Uber-Mom.
8. BlindSide – Uber-mom regrets her 2<sup>nd</sup> marriage; Beautiful Bestie’s hubby abuses her;
Damaged Mom’s son sleep walks/recurring nightmare.
9. Climax – The Police reveal Uber-mom’s gruesome murder.
10. Closing Image – Shades close on the shoreline drive from school.
TAG – Damaged Mom’s son innocently asks “Will I have any friends?”
5 Star Points
1. Big Picture Hook: Commonality of the 1st day of school preparation
2. Intriguing Character(s): Uber-mom Madeline; Beautiful Bestie Renata; Damaged Mom Jane
3. Empathy Distress: All the moms want the best for their children but ironically they are NOT
the best for themselves, their, husbands, families, to each other
4. Layers/Open Loops: Uber-mom’s deep insecurities; Beautiful Bestie’s abusive hubby;
Damage kid stems from Damage Mom; The Parent hatred
5. Inviting Obsession: Why would any parent, kid, teacher, hubby, lover, etc. brutally murder
Uber-mom?
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Sharilyn Kyle
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