Sharon Scherle
Forum Replies Created
-
Jean Finished Wordsmithing!
What I learned doing this assignment is that going through the script line by line meticulously helped me find lines that I could elevate. Yes, it was work but well worth the effort. I kept the lessen beside the script and constantly referred to it, running down the checklist for each line. Sometimes it was just a word. Sometimes a phrase or a whole sentence. Whatever the change, they were all improvements.
I couldn’t say what the most interesting edits were. There were so many small ones. What I can say is that, overall, the edits have improved the script, and that’s what I want.
I did another pass just looking at dialogue and action with a hanging word. Getting rid of the widows and orphans helped reduce the script by three pages. I am very pleased with this because it put the script in my target range of pages.
-
Jean Has Amazing Description!
What I learned doing this assignment is that going through the action line by line helped me find places where I could improve the description by using the worksheet as a guide. The most helpful was the action/internal process portion. Being able to make those additions has elevated the reading of my script. It is well worth the time to do this process.
Here are some examples:
Sharra’s POV: The sound of a CAMERA CLICKING. A photo of each of their faces lasts for a second. Instant memorization; it’s an automatic reflex. Sharra can’t stop it.
Sharra smiles back, giving Jaden a little wave. His smile drops as soon as she turns away. His smile is a pretense.
He notices the papers are job applications for accounting firms. So unimpressed.
Sharra shuts the door and throws her satchel on the couch. She stops. Something is off. Her eyes land on the photo. It’s out of place. She adjusts it, almost touching the camera.
Faolan quickly turns, hiding the bloodstains. He’s not fooling Mrs. Hobbs.
Lazarus caresses the inscription on the back of the pocket watch. There’s a story there.
Sharra closes her fingers around the USB stick and looks back the way Read went. She’s scared.
Sharra is quick. Sprays the Mace. Gets Conway in one eye. He grabs his eye, screaming. He! Is! Pissed!
Faolan peeks out. Notices Sharra’s hurt and grows alarmed. He wants to help her but holds back. Conflicted.
Sharra wakes, disorientated. Sits up. Looks around. The display columns. Recognizes Lazarus’ office. Her eyes widen! She remembers!
Sharra blanches. He knows! Read smirks at her reaction.
-
Jean Has Great Introductions!
What I learned doing this assignment is, like all the others, there is room for improvement. It wasn’t like I needed to do full rewrites. It only took a line or maybe a couple of words to make the characters’ introductions that much better. The irony portion, I struggled with. I had already added irony in, so looking for new places to add it was difficult. I found a couple of places.
Character Introductions:
Tanner’s introduction is the most interesting and exciting and is the main focus of the teaser where the world is also introduced. I only tweaked one line.
EXT. ALLEYWAY – CONTINUOUS
From the shadows stops TANNER HOLMES(33) out of breath. His clothes are Colonial, but his body language screams career military, not of that century.
Cocky, impulsive, and easy on the eyes. Tanner’s the guy you want on your side. He spots Ben and pauses, sharp-eyed.
Ben puts the key in his pocket and jaunts down the sidewalk, whistling a merry tune.
Something makes Tanner’s eyes unfocus then refocus. He fishes in his pocket for a Link(a slim metal communication device) and snaps it behind his left ear. It’s not of this world. Or time. It’s barely noticeable.
TANNER: Not a good time, Laz.
However, I knew that Sharra’s introduction was lacking the most interesting thing about her, her perfect recall. Though she is walking to work, there is a lot going on. Her voice-over reflects on her thoughts on destiny or randomness – the whole premiss of the show. It speaks a lot about the character and where she is at this point. However, there is nothing interesting about her going on. I knew this is where I could somehow slip in a clue about her perfect recall.
EXT. MANHATTAN FINANCIAL DISTRICT – STREET – DAY
Wall Street buzz. Money is everywhere. It’s in their business suit, smartphone carrying, mind-your-own-damn-business walk.
SHARRA (V.O.)
Lately, I’ve been thinking about destiny.SHARRA LANE(24), optimistic, tenacious yet genuine, steps out of the subway station with an over-the-shoulder satchel and joins the pedestrian flow. She carries herself like someone who’s learned how to be alone.
SUPER: Manhattan, New York – 2018
Her focus is drawn to a FATHER who is lecturing his TEENAGE SON.
Sharra’s POV: The sound of a CAMERA CLICKING. The photos of their faces last for a second. Instant memorization; it’s an automatic reflex. Sharra can’t stop it.
Her focus is drawn to a FATHER who is lecturing his TEENAGE SON.
Sharra’s POV: The sound of a CAMERA CLICKING. A photo of their faces lasts for a second. Instant memorization; it’s an automatic reflex. Sharra can’t stop it.
A little later in the scene:
Lazarus helps upright Sharra. His hand slips into her satchel. We get a glimpse of a silver tattoo behind his ear.
Sharra’s POV: The sound of the CAMERA CLICKING. On Lazarus’ face.
Irony:
Sharra’s boss is not a good guy. We don’t know that until the 3<sup>rd</sup> act. Before this point, he seems upstanding and honest. He’s not. To show the irony of this face, that he’s been embezzling millions from his clients, I’ve added the description below as the setup. The payoff is when Sharra discovers the truth and then later again when she confronts him using the company logo as a verbal slap in his face. Notice that honesty is placed first on the slogan.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Staff listen to DAVID READ (50s) giving a speech. Though charming, there’s a ruthlessness behind his sharp eyes and commanding presence. The company slogan, Honesty Integrity Ingenuity, frames his head like an oversize halo.
Faolan’s introduction: I thought this is another place I could add some irony. He’s coming home from a night out. The irony is that he’s dressed as a distinguished 1800’s gentleman but he’s been in a terrible fight and is injured but we don’t see it. So, I’ve changed some of the action to give a hint that something bad has happened though he’s dressed to the nines:
INT. FAOLAN’S LONDON TOWNHOUSE – MAIN FOYER – NIGHT
A gentleman walks in the front door. It’s FAOLAN(34) a Scotsman, an idealist with keen intelligence, and honorable to a fault.
He stiffly removes his top hat, hiding a grimace; blood stains the elegant white cuff of his shirt.
There’s something dark about Faolan, in his eyes and in the catlike grace of his fit body. You don’t want to mess with him, that’s for sure.SUPER: London, England – 1825
The butler, WILLIAM HOBBS (60s) – takes Faolan’s top hat and cane. Notices the blood. Faolan does nothing to hide it.
HOBBS
Did you have a good evening, sir?FAOLAN
Yes, thank you, Hobbs.A lie. Hobbs is used to it.
-
Jean’s Description 1!
What I learned doing this assignment is that I can improve my action lines by following the formula provided. Having the three questions in front of me for each scene helped bring the emotional experience more to the front.
Here are some examples:
INT. SHARRA’S OFFICE – DAY
1. What emotional experience do you want to deliver?
Angry
connection/recognition
2. What images will deliver that emotional experience? Make a list.
Types furiously
The watch catches his eye.
Jaden’s odd reaction.
3. How do you turn that list into description?
Sharra types furiously on her keyboard. A scowl of concentration mars her face. She scrolls down the page, glaring at the screen.
The watch catches his eye. Something about it… He flips it open while they talk.
Sharra notices Jaden staring oddly at the watch. Jaden quickly recovers, shutting the watch.
He leaves. Sharra picks up the watch, opens it. Sees the woman. It looks genuine. She glances back at Jaden’s retreating back.
EXT. WALL STREET OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
1. What emotional experience do you want to deliver?
Awkwardness
Distraction
Puzzlement
2. What images will deliver that emotional experience? Make a list.
Drops her things
Picks up her papers
He abruptly leaves after giving her the business card.
3. How do you turn that list into description?
She sees a hot guy staring pointedly at her. It’s Tanner. She loses her composure and drops the folder. Papers spill out.
Tanner rushes over to help her pick them up and slips her keys into her satchel while she’s distracted, simultaneously noticing the papers are job applications for accounting firms. So unimpressed.
Sharra, puzzled, watches Tanner disappear into the pedestrians. Then looks at the card.
SHARRA’S POV: on the logo. We’ve seen it before – Tanner and Lazarus’s tattoos!
INT. FAOLAN’S LONDON TOWNHOUSE – MAIN FOYER – NIGHT
1. What emotional experience do you want to deliver?
Pain, a loner
2. What images will deliver that emotional experience? Make a list.
Blood, stiffness,
Not hiding it.
Dismissing the butler’s concerns.
3. How do you turn that list into description?
He stiffly removes his top hat, hiding a grimace. Bloodstains the white cuff of his shirt.
The butler takes Faolan’s top hat and cane. Notices the blood. Faolan does nothing to hide it.
HOBBS: Did you have a good evening, sir?
FAOLAN: Yes, thank you, Hobbs.
A lie. Hobbs is used to it.
HOBBS: Is there anything I can do for you?
FAOLAN: Not tonight.
HOBBS: Very good, sir.
Hobbs, worried, watches Faolan stiffly climb the stairs.
FAOLAN: Got to bed, Hobbs.
HOBBS: Yes, sir.
INT. FAOLAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
1. What emotional experience do you want to deliver?
Conflicted, Resigned
2. What images will deliver that emotional experience? Make a list.
Closes his eyes, breaths in deeply.
Nods resigned.
Pauses, grim,
3. How do you turn that list into description?
Mrs. Hobbs shuts the door behind her. Faolan wearily closes his eyes – it’s more than the wound – breaths in deeply and lets it out. After a moment, opens his eyes. Nods resigned.
He removes a suitcase from the armoire. Sets it on the bed. Opens it. Pauses. Grim. Whatever is inside cannot be good.
He slowly lifts out something. It’s a black uniform jacket. Totally NOT 1825. Definitely futuristic!
He turns it. The Vault logo is imprinted in silver on the chest and arm.
-
Jean’s Has Great Dialogue!
What I learned doing this assignment is that there is always room for improvement. Going through all the dialogue with the purpose of elevating it really made a difference in the quality of the script. I found areas where the character voice wasn’t clear and areas where the speech was boring or cliché and I was able to change them up. Some were simple fixes, others, I had to work harder at. Overall, it is an exercise I’m am going to use on all my scripts from now on.
Here are some examples:
In this scene, Tanner disagrees with Lazarus’ methods. The reader is aware to some degree by this point that Vault Agency must be time travelers, but it hasn’t been shown how or why or even spoken of in absolute clarity. It’s a matter of not revealing too soon in the pilot. The dialogue in this scene dances around the subject although Tanner and Lazarus know exactly what they’re saying and why.
Tanner wants Lazarus to tell Sharra the truth about the Agency. Here is where the next line comes in.
VERSION 1:
Lazarus: And what truth would that be, Tanner? Or better yet, you do it and see if your way is better.
For the second version, I’ve added the tattoo which is very significant though the reader and Sharra don’t know it yet. The tattoo sums up the whole show, the Agency, and what they do. I changed Lazarus’ dialogue to sound cultured British, counter-attack, subtext, ironic dialogue.
VERSION 2:
Lazarus: And what truth would that be, Tanner? Where would you like me to start? (pointing to his tattoo) With this? And what it means to bear it? If you think you can do better, then, by all means, go ahead.
This is a critical scene where Sharra is supposed to meet her coworker who is getting her out of the city. But she is confronted first by her mugger who is secretly hired by her coworker for reasons we don’t know yet, and then, her boss who has been embezzling millions and he’s there to stop Sharra. We pick up with Conway, the mugger. He has Sharra alone in the warehouse:
VERSION 1:
INT. WAREHOUSE – DAY
Sharra: Jaden? Jaden?
Conway: He’s not here. Where’s your bodyguard? I was promised he’d be here.
Sharra: I sent him away.
Conway: Why’d you do that? Aw, you have a thing for him. How adorable. No matter, I’ll find him after I deliver you.
Sharra: Deliver me? What am I, a package?
Conway: I’ll say hello for you.
VERSION 2:
I used the following dialogue skills to create more tension: interrupting each other, incomplete sentences, speak through character profiles, setup, anticipatory dialogue, subtext/
Sharra: Jaden? Jaden?
Conway: Hello, sweetheart.
Sharra: You. How did you…You followed me. Where’s Jaden? You better not have—
Conway: –Your bodyguard? Looks like he stood you up.
Sharra: He’s not my –
Conway: I’m gonna find him and kill him right after I deliver you.
Sharra: No. It’s me you want. He has nothing to do with it.
Conway: My face says otherwise. I’ll say hello for you.
This is the last scene of the pilot. Sharra has nowhere to go. She chooses to trust Lazarus and takes his offer to join the agency. Lazarus has been careful to feed Sharra just enough information to sound legit, but no real details. One of those statements is in the initial interview where Lazarus tells Sharra that she would have to relocate but doesn’t say where. Now she wants to know.
INT. EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY
VERSION 1:
Sharra: Where exactly is your company located?
That’s pretty on the nose. I thought I could do better and thought what would Sharra say as her character? She needs to leave NYC. Jaden had offered her a job in Chicago. So, firstly, she’d think out of state. Though the second version seems simple, Lazarus’ reaction speaks volumes. Vault Agency isn’t in any of those places. So where is it? Subtext.
VERSION 2:
Sharra: Where are we going? Out of state? Canada? (off Lazarus’ look) Europe?
<div>This scene is from the pilot. I left it to do last because it’s the most important scene to get right. We are introduced to Tanner who is there to save a teenage Ben Franklin from certain death from two ruffians.
</div><div>VERSION 1:
Ben: Please, I carry nothing of value.
Jeb: We’ll see about that.
Billy: Worthless bunch of nothin’.
Ben: Please, let me go.
Jeb: I should just end you. You’re not worth a thing to nobody.
Tanner: He’s a national treasure, dimwit.
The first version felt clunky and the dialogue was cliché. Jeb and Billy aren’t the smartest, and I needed to fix their dialogue to correct that. Also, I needed to stay true to character, especially Ben, who is a teenager. These are the techniques I used: character profile, setup and payoff(later in the action/dialogue), ironic dialogue(all the drawings that Billy calls worthless are inventions that we use today, very valuable) also part of the subtext which is revealed when Tanner helps Ben pick up the papers and we see the diagrams/
VERSION 2:
Ben: Please, sir, don’t harm me.
Jeb: Whatcha got there?
Billy: Worthless bunch of nothin’.
Ben: Please, let me go.
Jeb: You hearin’ him, Billy?(mimics Ben)“Please, sir, don’t harm me.” Chicken scratchin’. All high and mighty in them scrawny britches. You ain’t nobody.
Tanner: You’re dead wrong, dimwits; he’s a national treasure.
</div><div>
</div>
-
Jean’s Dialogue 7 – 8
What I learned doing this assignment is there is always room for improvement, especially when specifically looking for ways to do this. I was able to elevate several scenes this pass through which is the goal.
Here are a few examples:
SUBTEXT
In this scene, Jaden recognizes the watch. It connects him to Lazarus but we don’t know how. Sharra hasn’t met Lazarus yet. Jaden is a rogue agent. His job is to stop her from joining Vault Agency. He’s weeded his way into her life for this purpose. He’s not her friend, just pretending to keep close. The watch tells him that Lazarus is there and now is the time Jaden needs to steer her away from him. That’s what’s going on behind the scene.
In my first draft, I kept it super simple, too simple. The subtext is missed.
In the next pass, I’ve added deception and lies, setup. Sharra realizes Jaden lied when she learns in the first scene with Lazarus when she sees his expensive antique weapon collection. The watch belongs to him. There is a story behind the watch.
OLD:
She notices Jaden staring oddly at the watch.
SHARRA (CONT’D): Hey, what’s wrong?
Jaden quickly recovers.
JADEN: I’m fine.
(sets the watch down)
If you’re serious about leaving, let me make some calls for you. I know some people.
SHARRA: Who?
JADEN: Just hold off on doing anything rash.
Jaden leaves.
NEW:
She notices Jaden staring oddly at the watch.
SHARRA (CONT’D): Hey, do you know who it belongs to?
Jaden quickly recovers.
JADEN: This? Probably some kid. Seen these in all the tourist shops when I went to England last year. It’s a very good imitation. Fooled me, too. I wouldn’t worry about finding its owner.
(sets the watch down)
If you’re serious about leaving…
SHARRA: I am.
JADEN: I’ve got connections. Let me make some calls. Just hold off on doing anything rash.
SHARRA: Okay.
He leaves. Sharra picks up the watch, opens it. Sees the woman. Then, flips the watch over. The inscription reads: Forever and Always, E.M. She notices Jaden staring oddly at the watch.
This next scene plays out in several parts. On my first pass, Sharra finds the folder but it doesn’t go anywhere. I needed subtext. The second pass, I added that she discovers that Lazarus has a file on her parents and ‘The Accident.’ It’s odd and she knows it but doesn’t have time to investigate. We already know there’s a story behind her family. This is the first time we learn about the accident and that somehow it’s related to Vault Agency.
OLD:
Her eye lands on something in the drawer. She pulls it out. It’s her folder. She looks back at the door, then starts flipping through it…
JADEN: — You need to get to a hospital. Where are you? I’ll come get you
SHARRA: I’m okay. I don’t know how, but…I’m okay.
The sound of the door opening. She quickly puts everything back in order…
SHARRA (CONT’D): Hey, I need to go. Call you tomorrow.
JADEN: Sharra!
His line goes dead.
Sharra slips the folder back inside the desk and hurries to the couch just as Lazarus comes over with a blanket.
LAZARUS: This is all I could find.
He gives her the blanket.
SHARRA: Thank you.
Her eyes drift to the desk. Re: the file.
NEW:
Her eye lands on something in the drawer. She pulls it out. It’s her folder. She looks back at the door, then starts flipping through it…
JADEN: — You need to get to a hospital. Where are you? I’ll come get you.
SHARRA: I’m okay. I don’t know how, but…I’m okay.
…and finds a file inside labeled: Lily and James Lane: The Accident. That’s got her attention.
SHARRA (CONT’D): Hey, I need to go. Call you tomorrow.
JADEN: Sharra!
His line goes dead.
Sharra opens the file. The sound of the door opening. She quickly puts everything back in order, slips the folder back inside the desk, and hurries to the couch just as Lazarus comes over with a blanket. Sees her wide eyes.
LAZARUS: Everything alright?
He gives her the blanket.
SHARRA: I’m okay.
Her eyes drift to the desk. Re: the file. She’s not okay.
The first draft of this next scene is mostly set up for later and some reveal. The name ‘Wolf’ is significant. It’s Faolan’s code name. That the villain uses it is setting Faolan up as the scapegoat. But none of this is obvious and there’s no subtext for the audience to pick up on.
In the second pass, I changed a few lines to create the subtext and also tie in another clue to a future episode, something Faolan has already lived through but not Sharra.
OLD:
Faolan smiles. He opens an email. It reads 7:55 pm. City Center Building. She’s never late. You’ll get the rest of the money after the job is done.
FAOLAN: Wolfe. Real name or code?
AILBE: Code, if he is smart.
FAOLAN: Unless he didn’t think he’d get caught.
Headlights FLASH through the front blinds. Faolan’s head jerks up. Oh-oh.
NEW:
Faolan snorts. She’s funny. He notices a name on several subject lines and grows serious.
FAOLAN: He’s using Wolf as his name.
AILBE: Isn’t that your code name?
FAOLAN: Yes, it is. London, now this. Something’s off about this whole thing.
Headlights FLASH through the front blinds. Faolan’s head jerks up. Oh-oh.
DIALOGUE IN ACTION
I picked this scene because I thought it was an ideal place to add action dialogue. There is the line about the contract, but it didn’t feel like enough, so I changed it. I like the second version better. Lazarus makes a statement and expects them to agree. He waits until he gets their affirmation. Tension is added, and relationship reveals.
OLD:
LAZARUS: Ms. Lane’s timeline is still in motion. I dare not disturb it just yet. We need that contract back.
TANNER: I know. I know. It’s important. I’ll go and do it. Shouldn’t be too hard.
NEW:
LAZARUS: Ms. Lane’s timeline is still in flux. I dare not disturb it just yet. This incident stays between the three of us. Agreed?
CAM: Yes, sir.
LAZARUS: Tanner?
Tanner sighs. He’s not happy but…
TANNER: Who am I gonna tell? My mother?
LAZARUS: We need that contract back.
TANNER: I’ll go do it.
Again, this scene was a perfect place to add action dialogue. The dialogue just ends as you can see in the first version. The second version ends with action. The preceding dialogue reveals why.
OLD:
Tanner comes in. Lazarus tucks the letter inside his suit.
LAZARUS (CONT’D): Where are we with the contract?
TANNER: Ah…about that.
LAZARUS: You don’t have it.
TANNER: The tracking was simple. The fetch…not so much.
LAZARUS: Are you saying the contract is still out there?
TANNER
Out there. Yes. (lowers his voice) Here? In this timeline? No.
LAZARUS: Explain.
TANNER: The mugger had a Pen mark on his neck.
LAZARUS: Are you sure?
TANNER: I’ve had enough needles to know one when I see one. If it’s one of us…
That’s an alarming thought.
TANNER (CONT’D): It doesn’t make any sense. She’s a nobody.
NEW:
Tanner comes in. Lazarus tucks the letter inside his suit.
LAZARUS (CONT’D): Well?
TANNER: Dead end.
LAZARUS: It’ll turn up.
TANNER: And the accountant?
Lazarus nods to his Com. Sharra types on her laptop.
LAZARUS: Trying to figure us out.
TANNER: I don’t see why you don’t just tell them the truth.
LAZARUS: And what truth would that be? Where would you like me to start? Or better yet, you do it and see if your way is better.
TANNER: Come on, Laz, you know that’s not what I mean. You can pick anyone you want from the millions, no billions, who ever lived. Forget about her.
LAZARUS: I can’t! Tanner. I can’t!
Tanner’s eyebrows go up. Lazarus reigns his temper in.
LAZARUS (CONT’D): Trust me on this, Tanner. You might find that you actually like her.
TANNER: I doubt it. (then) There’s something odd you need to know. Not about Sharra. The mugger – he was dosed with a Pen.
That gets Lazarus’ attention.
LAZARUS: Are you sure?
TANNER: Yeah. I’ve had enough jabs to know one when I see one. Whoever did it, took the contract. None of this makes sense.
LAZARUS” We need to bring her in. Now.
Tanner nods once, resolute, both finally in agreement.
-
Jean’s Dialogue 4 – 6
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are always places that can be improved, especially when it comes to dialogue. Like the last lesson, going into this one specifically looking for areas to use setup/payoff, irony, and Anticipatory Dialogue helped elevate the script that much more.
Here are a few examples out of the ones I’ve changed:
Old:
JEB: Tell me, why should I let you live?
TANNER (O.S.): Because he’s the future of this nation.
New:
JEB: You’re not worth a thing to nobody.
TANNER (O.S.): He’s a national treasure, dimwit.
Billy whips around just as Tanner’s fist connects with his jaw. Surprise!
TANNER (CONT’D): The future…(BAM)…of this…(BAM BAM)…great nation!
The thug falls to the ground, out.
Old:
TANNER: You and your premonitions.
LAZARUS: I’ve already informed Cam.
TANNER: She’s gonna love him.
LAZARUS: Tanner, behave. I don’t want you scaring her before she’s committed to the Agency.
TANNER: Don’t worry, boss. Have I ever let you down?
New:
TANNER: Right. Have you seen her? She’s got that ‘nice-girl-next-door’ vibe. It’s gonna take yonks to make her any use to us. (then) Really? An accountant?
LAZARUS: The Agency needs her.
TANNER: I don’t normally disagree with you–
LAZARUS: Then, don’t.
TANNER: Laz–
LAZARUS: I mean it!
TANNER: Alright, alright. Have I ever let you down?
LAZARUS: More times than I care to count.
TANNER: Then, there’s nothing to worry about.
Old:
A photo of a painting of younger Lazarus(28) with the woman from the watch. Underneath reads: Lord Lazarus Edward Maitland, Earl of Compton 1713-1741 and Lady Elizabeth Maitland 1718-1773.
SHARRA: Some family resemblance.
New:
A photo of a painting of younger Lazarus(28) with the woman from the watch. Underneath reads: Lord Lazarus Edward Maitland, Earl of Compton 1713-1741 and Lady Elizabeth Maitland 1718-1773.
SHARRA: Talk about a doppelganger; he could pass as his great, great, great…great grandfather.
-
Jean’s Dialogue 1 + 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that looking for scenes to elevate the dialogue using attack/counterattack helped me pick out areas that could be improved. By doing this, it elevated the script that much more.
Here are some scenes that were improved:
Coffee Shop: Sharra meets Jaden to tell him what she’s discovered about their boss embezzling millions. There’s no argument. She agrees to everything he suggests. Boring. This pass, I’ve changed it up. He doesn’t think she has proof. She gets offended and tells him what she has. Then, when he suggests a job in Chicago, she reacts. Though not saying anything, we can tell she’s not happy with the place. Jaden notices and tells her to take it. Then, I have him try to hold her hands, which she slides free. It’s awkward. The whole scene now has tension for several reasons.
Executive Suite: Sharra has been stabbed. Though I had dialogue with arguing between Tanner and Lazarus, it still wasn’t strong enough. Tanner doesn’t think Sharra should be recruited where Lazarus does. Tanner doesn’t know Lazarus has inside information.
I add misinterpretation between the two: Tanner and Lazarus react to the situation: Tanner to the mugging and Lazarus to the stolen contract. Tanner thinks Lazarus is concerned about Sharra but he’s not. He’s more concerned about the contract. Tanner wants to ‘fix’ it, stop it before it happens, but now Lazarus doesn’t allow it, instead of keeping the events as they had happened. He sends Tanner to recover the contract. He’s not happy but goes to do it.
Also, Cam wants to take her back to the Vault for medical attention. This pass, I have Lazarus refuse it and not in a nice way. Then, he has to apologize for his abruptness.
Conway’s Living Room: Tanner bursts in and attacks Conway. Though the dialogue had a lot of attack/counterattacks, I thought it was a good scene to elevate. Tanner was demanding using violence to back it up. I took some of the dialogue out and just had Conway refuse to answer. That made Tanner’s quick temper explode. Instead of getting answers, Tanner ends up knocking Conway out which is not a good thing. And he still doesn’t have the stolen contract.
<div>Outside Vescorp building: Sharra just quit her
job and storms out. Tanner is waiting for her. He’s there to be her bodyguard
which she’s not happy about. It was okay but could be better. So, I reworked
the dialogue. Now, his offhanded comment hits a sore spot with Sharra. Remember,
he doesn’t want her to be recruited, and his prejudice colors his speech and attitude.
She thinks he’s just a jerk and is trying to get rid of him. But he can’t leave
because he’s been commanded by Lazarus to keep her safe. Another thing she
doesn’t know. In the half-page of dialogue, there is now a lot of subtext.
</div><div>Improving the character’s dialogue: Sharra Lane
Sharra is one of the main characters. She has a lot of dialogue so her voice has to be right. Has to be consistent. Doing it this way helped me pick out areas that were off and made it easier to fix and keep her true to character. It took a while but I’m much happier with the results.
</div>
-
Jean’s Completed P/S Grid #2
This is the second time I’m loading this. I lost everything from the first time. So, here we go again…
What I learned doing this assignment is by using the problem/solution grid for the second part, I was able to correct areas that I had marked as needing work and others I discovered on this pass.
Here are some examples:
Character introductions: #3
Sharra: I knew from the beginning that Sharra’s description needed work.
She’s the main character and thus important to get right. It took one
line to make her character deeper: She carries herself like someone
who’s learned how to be alone.Read: The first time through, I didn’t give Read any description. He ends up playing a larger role and so, this time through, I added a line about him: Read is all charm but there’s a ruthlessness behind his sharp eyes and commanding presence.
Jaden Delaney (J.D. Dash): Dash is the villain for season one. The problem is that I don’t want to reveal this in his description. His first scene is quick and doesn’t allow me to add details about him. I had to wait until the next scene. I added behavior that stands out as contrary considering he seems to like Sharra, and also some intrigue with the watch.
Problem areas:
The pocket watch scenes:
Sharra discovers the watch in her coat pocket. This scene was clunky. I changed a few action lines and it now reads better.
The scene where Jaden recognizes the watch. This too was clunky. I fixed Jaden’s action lines. It reads better and adds intrigue. How does he recognize the miniature painting inside the watch? It’s the first clue that there’s more to him than a colleague.
The watch shows up again when Sharra recognized Lazarus as the one who must have dropped it when they collided. Again, one line focusing on Lazarus’ reaction to having it back told a deeper story behind the watch. He lies about it. It’s his first lie to Sharra out of the many he will tell her.
The USP stick:
The scenes surrounding the USB stick were weak. I needed to heighten the suspense around it in each of the scenes it shows up.
Sharra’s cubicle – when she discovers Read is embezzling millions. The whole scene was clumsy but a good starting point. I tighten up the action lines to create more suspense. The spilling of her coffee in her hurry to grab a stick, I moved down to just before Read is there. It also helps set up a later scene when Sharra meets Jaden for coffee. This scene ends with her closing her fist around the stick and she’s scared.
Coffee Shop scene: Sharra meets Jaden, not for coffee, but for help. It’s a turning point for Sharra, pushing her in another direction. I knew I had to fix it especially because it felt clunky too. I had to tie in the coffee and the embezzling/USB stick as quickly as possible. The action lines are okay. It’s the dialogue that needed tightening. Once that was done, it all came together. I added two lines revealing a little more about Jaden, slowly showing that he has ulterior motives.
Warehouse scene: This is the last place the USB stick comes up. It’s in conversation when Read demands it from Sharra. This whole scene needed lots of work. There are confrontations, fight sequences, setups, and reveals. It is the climax of the episode. Everything comes together. Well, almost everything. I changed the action of Connor who is there to kidnap Sharra and her initial action when confronted by Connor. With that smoothed out, I moved on to Read’s appearance with his small army of gunmen. I tightened the dialogue between the three so that Sharra realizes without writing it point blank that Jaden is the one who hired Connor. I could now tie in the partial message Connor gave Sharra when he stabbed her earlier. There’s no time to go any further into that reveal because Tanner shows up and a gunfight ensues. Here is where I quickened the action to make it flow, create tension between Tanner and Sharra, show Tanner’s skill, show Sharra’s smarts. It is all about the timing. Though Sharra wins against Read, her choice to flee to Chicago via Jaden’s help is no longer an option. She needs to get away from Jaden and it drives her to the option she didn’t want to take – Vault Agency.
-
Jean’s Completed P/S Grid #1
What I learned doing this assignment is that fixing the problems now is so much easier than trying to do it in a later draft. With the goal of looking for the problems, or being mindful of the problems when I went through the first draft, helped to find them and work on them.
Some of the problems:
1) Connect Jaden to the USB stick – missing the setup #12
INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
In this scene, Sharra meets Jaden. He thinks it’s a date until she lays on the real reason – their boss is embezzling clients’ money. AT the end of the scene, she reveals the USB Stick. This is the setup.
The payoff:
INT. WAREHOUSE – DAY
Earlier, Sharra tells Jaden she needs to leave town. He’s already offered her a job in Chicago. He arranges the meetup. Sharra arrives at the warehouse and grows suspicious. Her mugger and her boss with half a dozen gunmen want Sharra. Her boss wants the USP stick. Sharra now connects that it was Jaden who set her up, but it’s a double-cross because both the mugger and her boss, with different motivations, don’t know that Jaden is behind both. He’s the one who wants Sharra dead.
2) Tie in the mugger with Vault Agency: missing the setup #12
EXT. VAULT AGENCY OFFICE BUILDING – NIGHT
Sharra gets mugged by Conner. We don’t know it at this point, but it’s not random. I needed to make that clearer. So, I added Conner giving Sharra a message right after he stabs her, “I have a message for you: Stay away from the V–” He gets interrupted by Tanner and runs off.
INT. WAREHOUSE – DAY
The same scene as above. Conner is there first and gets Sharra in a chokehold. He’s there to deliver her to someone but we don’t find out because her boss shows up with his goons and takes over. Before that happens, Sharra questions, “Deliver me?” This is still part of the setup for the season. We still don’t connect that Jaden is the one who is trying to stop her from joining Vault Agency and that he is a rogue agent with an agenda of his own.
-
Jean’s Has Finished Act 4 + 5
What I learned doing this assignment is that I CAN write the whole pilot in 10 days. That amazes me. Yes, it needs work, but that’s what the other passes are for. The outline is the blueprint. Getting down the first draft is like laying the frame to a house. It gives you a good look at what the whole will look like when it has the finishing touches. I’m happy with the results. Can’t wait to go through the passes.
-
Jean’s Finished Act 3
What I learned doing this assignment is that high-speed writing gets easier with use. Giving myself the freedom to work this way feels empowering. I know my work isn’t perfect, but it gives me a starting point. Plus, there are a bunch of gems in among the stuff that needs improving. I find that a positive thing. Again, there were a couple of scenes that I skipped over and went back to after I completed the act. Doing that help to keep my momentum going. I finished this act in record time.
Rule 1: Use empowering self-talk. Cheer
yourself on. A. Consistently use.Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts.
A. Consistently use.
Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY
drafts. B. Some use.Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue)
without all the answers. A. Consistently use.Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t allow yourself to
ever stall out. A. Consistently use.Rule 6: Even if you can’t create it now, you
will be able to at some point in the future! A. Consistently use. -
Jean’s Finished Act 2
Having completed Act 1 in the two days gave me confidence that I can do the same for Act 2. My show deals with time travel. There are two separate timelines going on. Even skipping into the future that is revisited in a later episode. Act 1 starts that. Act 2 builds on it. Now, I need to add the action and dialogue to match the different timelines and keep everything straight. It is a challenge but a fun challenge. I can’t wait to write Act 3.
-
Jean’s Finished Act 1 First Draft
I’ve completed Act 1. I had a couple of scenes that stumped me. So, I just moved on. When I got to the end of the act, I went back and worked on those scenes. By this time, my creativity had loosened, and I was able to tackle them with fresh eyes and a better understanding of the whole act. I love the idea of skipping to keep moving. It really worked for me. I will definitely use this technique writing the other acts.
-
Jean’s High-Speed Writing
What I learned doing this assignment is at first I started out chunky. But after I gave myself the freedom to just write and not worry about the writing, I was able to write the teaser in one sitting. It felt exhilarating and freeing. I will approach the acts in the same fashion and see what happens.
-
Jean’s Outline With Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that using this format helped me find holes in my outline and also find areas that needed better intrigue.
The Vault Outline
TEASER
EXT. Colonial Philadelphia Street – Day: Intriguing World
A gangly teen Benjamin Franklin locks the printshop.
Mystery: Colonial America for a science fiction show?
Setup: Why young Ben Franklin?
EXT. Narrow Alleyway – Continuous: Secret Identity
Tanner dressed in Colonial wear spots Ben, his target. Tanner moves with stealth, definitely military training, out of place with the time period. Ben leaves the shop whistling. Tanner moves and we see a strange metal tattoo behind his left ear. He goes to cross the street, gets stopped by buggies, loses track of Ben.
Open Loop: The tattoo is an integral part of Vault Agency.
Mystery: Who is Tanner? Why is he focused on Ben, a nobody? What’s with the strange tattoo?
Empathy/Distress: Is Tanner going to hurt/kill Ben?
Irony: Even though Tanner wears the clothes, he stands out as different.
Setup: We are about to be introduced to a time traveler on a mission.
EXT. Colonial Philadelphia Street – Continuous: Imminent Threat
Two mean-looking men spy Ben’s satchel – easy pickings – and drag Ben into a narrow alleyway to kill him. They rip off his satchel looking for money/valuables. Out spills papers, drawing of inventions and poetry.
Mystery: What is Tanner going to do?
Empathy/Distress: Will Ben get hurt? How is Ben going to get away unharmed?
Irony: But Ben didn’t die in history.
Setup: Up until now, we don’t know who the young man is, but the spilled papers are a clue.
EXT. Alleyway – Day: Mystery
Tanner takes out both men with military precision while Ben fumbles to put his glasses back on. It’s not Ben’s day to die. Tanner quotes a saying by an older Ben and vanishes, leaving a confused Ben behind.
Open Loop: Tanner’s strange disappearance is unexplained and not possible.
Mystery: Who is this guy? Where did he go?
Empathy/Distress: Tanner saves Ben, a helpless youth.
Payoff: Tanner’s purpose is revealed: to save Ben because Ben’s not supposed to die. Tanner changed the timeline.
Irony: The quote Tanner uses is one that an older Ben had written. The young Ben asks if he can use it. It’s a loop that Tanner set in motion.
Setup: Changing Ben’s timeline shows the premise of Vault Agency.
ACT 1
EXT. Manhattan Street Financial Building – Day: Mystery
Sharra listens to a father and a teenager discuss his future, then a professional couple meeting for the first time. She wonders about chance versus destiny. Not watching her path, she collides with Lazarus. He quickly apologizes while pickpocketing her keys, accidentally dropping his pocket watch inside her pocket. We see a signet ring on his hand. Further down, Lazarus gives Tanner the keys and points out Sharra as she enters the office building.
Open Loop: Tanner is now in the present time. How is this possible?
Mystery: Why does this stranger steal Sharra’s keys?
Setup: the pocket watch.
Setup: the signet ring.
Empathy/Distress: Sharra is a target. We know because we’ve seen Tanner target Ben in the teaser. But we don’t know why yet.
Payoff:
Irony: The watch is the catalyst that starts J.D Dash on the path to destroying Sharra, ultimately ensuring that she joins Vault Agency, the thing he is there to prevent.
Setup: The pocket watch has clues on it to who Lazarus really is and from what time period.
INT. Finance Office – Day: Mystery
Sharra finds the watch in her coat pocket. Realizes it’s valuable. Looks back as if to go after the man but turns back to the watch. Reads the inscription on the back. Notices the time. Sets it on her desk with her stuff. Oops! She’s late and hurries off for…
Open Loop: The watch is from Lazarus’ old life, the inscription from his wife.
Mystery: Who was that man and will Sharra find him again?
Empathy/Distress: She realizes it’s an antique but doesn’t know what to do?
Payoff: She finds the pocket watch.
Irony:
Setup: The watch will bring Lazarus and Sharra together.
INT. Conference Room – Day: Deception
The room is full of staff. J.D. Dash smiles at her. She smiles and gives him a little wave. One of the bosses, Robert Read lists the qualities of the person up for promotion. The company slogan of Honesty Before All Else. Sharra slips inside. Sharra smiles, embarrassed at the praise, holding back her excitement; she thinks it’s her. She rattles off some facts: re her perfect memory. Read makes a joke about it. Read announces another staff member. Sharra can’t believe it and leaves in a huff. Dash follows her out.
Open Loop: Sharra has a relationship with Dash but we don’t know if it’s just workmates or something more.
Setup: The Company slogan: Honesty Before All Else.
Mystery:
Irony: All the qualities Read lists are the same ones Lazarus lists later on that apply to Sharra.
Setup: Read looks at Sharra as he speaks. She prepares to accept the promotion.
Setup: Sharra uses her perfect memory to spout off information, which Read then makes a comment on.
Payoff: The promotion goes to someone else. Sharra is rightfully upset. Read has been playing her.
Empathy/Distress: We feel for Sharra. It seems she deserved the promotion.
INT. Finance Office – Day: Deception
Sharra is on the computer, searching for a new career, something with adventure where she will be appreciated. She feels robbed. Dash offers his condolences, notices the watch, recognizes the miniature inside, grows wary. She notices, questions him, but Dash distracts her with an offer to feel out his connections for another position for her.
Open Loop: Sharra doesn’t know it, but Dash is not a good person. He is there to stop her from joining Vault Agency. He is pretending to like her.
Setup: Sharra’s search for a job where she will be appreciated. Dash jumps on board to help.
Mystery: Dash reacts to the watch. He recognizes the woman in the miniature.
Empathy/Distress: Sharra feels robbed of the promotion. Dash is being helpful, but there is a hardness in his eyes when she’s not looking.
Payoff: Dash distracts Sharra with the offer to feel out his connections.
Irony: Dash’s offer to help her find another position nudges her in the direction of Vault Agency, just what he’s there to stop.
INT. Sharra’s Apartment – Day: Hidden Layer
The lock clicks. The door opens and Tanner slips in. He scopes out the room – one family photo, a faded quilt, a few time-travel novels, plants – a lonely existence. He sighs and shakes his head. He hides a camera bug behind the picture and slips out, quietly shutting the door behind him.
Setup: The time travel novels, the photo, the quilt all mean something.
Open Loop: The one photo – the Lane family – with Sharra in the center of the small circle symbolizes the problem and the solution to the whole show.
Empathy/Distress: We can see that Sharra leads a lonely existence. She doesn’t have roots. The camera means they are going to spy on Sharra.
Mystery: Why is Sharra being bugged? What are these strangers looking for?
Payoff: Bugging her place, that’s why he took Sharra’s keys.
EXT. Financial Building – Day: Hidden Agenda
It’s that 5 o’clock foot traffic. Sharra leaves the building along with other workers. She sees a hot guy staring at her – Tanner – loses her composure and drops some papers. Tanner rushes over to help. Tanner slips her keys back into her purse. Notices the papers are job applications. Bad day. His company is looking for someone, gives her a Vault Agency business card. He’s the second person offering her a job. The logo is the same as Tanner’s tattoo. Tanner disappears into the crowd of pedestrians. The logo shimmers. Sharra is drawn to it. Touches it. It zaps her. It’s weird.
Setup: Tanner is waiting for Sharra for the purpose to get her to come to see Lazarus.
Open Loop: Sharra’s strange reaction to the logo foreshadows her connection to the Vault.
Mystery: Why are they interested in Sharra? She’s an accountant. And what’s with Sharra’s reaction to the logo?
Empathy/Distress: It’s nice that a stranger helps Sharra out, but we know he may not have good intentions.
Payoff: Now we see that Tanner’s tattoo and the Vault Agency logo are one in the same.
Irony:
INT. Sharra’s Apartment Living Room – Day: Wound
Sharra enters, shuts the door, and throws her satchel on the couch. Her eyes land on the photo. It’s out of place. She adjusts it, almost touching the camera, but pauses to look at it. It’s her parents, a younger her and her brother. She touches her mom. Moves away. Then, remembers the business card. She removes it from her coat pocket. It zaps her like the first time. It makes her curious. She opens her laptop, googles Vault Agency, comes up with a website. Looks Interesting. She dials the agency’s phone number.
Setup: Her grief/loss is obvious. It’s what will drive her to make the mistakes that create the loop none of them realize they are caught in.
Open Loop: Again, the odd connection to the logo.
Mystery: What happened to her parents, her brother?
Empathy/Distress: It’s obvious something happened to her family. Especially her mom. Sharra comes close to discovering the camera but doesn’t.
Payoff: Her curiosity wins out and she does what Tanner set her up to do – contact Vault Agency.
Irony:
INT. Lazarus’ Office – Same Time
Lazarus watches Sharra on a Com-Link as he talks to her.
INT. Faolan’s Townhouse Foyer – Night: Mystery
It’s London 1825. Faolan enters and is met by his butler, Mr Hobbs. Faolan’s clothes speak of a night out on the town. Faolan removes his top hat, grimaces in pain, and gives it and his cane to Hobbs. Hobbs notices blood on Faolan’s cuff. Faolan moves stiffly up the stairs, dismissing his concerned butler.
Mystery: Who is this man from 1825? What does he have to do with Sharra and the future?
Empathy/Distress: There is blood on his clothes. Is it his? It must be because he’s trying to hide that he’s in pain.
Payoff:
Irony:
Setup: The blood had to come from a fight.
Open Loop: We don’t know it yet, but he’s just met Sharra on a mission gone bad and he’s stepped in to save her and Tanner. We won’t see this scene until the next episode.
INT. Faolan’s Bedroom – Night: Strange Behavior
Faolan drops the ‘nothing’s wrong’ act. He opens his coat – his shirt is soaked – blood! He reveals a stab wound on his side. The housekeeper, Mrs. Hobbs, arrives with water and bandages, from Mr. Hobbs. After she leaves, Faolan removes a suitcase buried in his armour and sets it on the bed. Snaps it opened. Pauses. Grim. Whatever is inside can’t be good. He lifts out a black uniform jacket. Totally not 1825. He turns it. The Vault logo is imprinted on the chest and arm.
Open Loop:
Mystery: How long has he had the uniform hidden? Why is he bringing it out now, especially when he’s not happy about it?
Empathy/Distress: He’s been stabbed! It looks serious.
Irony: His decision to step back into the uniform draws him back into the thick of things, the one thing he’s sworn he’d never do again.
Setup: His reaction to the jacket tells how he feels about Vault Agency. He’s definitely got a beef against someone or the Agency itself.
Payoff: We don’t know how yet, but he’s somehow connected to Vault Agency.
ACT 2
EXT. Manhattan – Office Building – Day: Secret Identity
Sharra steps out of a taxi and heads to the door of the impressive building, a bit intimidated. Tanner, hiding behind a cup of coffee off to the side, watches her. He touches a hidden metal device attached to his tattoo and links with Lazarus, informing him the target is on her way. He throws his cup in the trash and follows Sharra from a discreet distance.
Open Loop:
Setup: We see that the tattoo serves a purpose. But how does it work?
Mystery: Tanner can communicate to Lazarus with a futuristic device attached to his tattoo.
Empathy/Distress: Sharra is being watched. She’s a target.
Payoff:
Irony:
INT. Office Building Reception Area – Day
The reception points Sharra to the West Wing. She heads down the corridor. The second elevator opens. Tanner gets out and follows, staying back.
INT. West Wing – Day: Mystery
Sharra stops at Vault Agency’s door. She looks back. Tanner quickly sits, holding a magazine up to hide his face. Sharra’s finger brushes the logo on the card and gets zapped again. Blames it on static. She is nervous. Big breath, then knocks.
INT. Executive Suite – Day: Hidden Layers
Sharra enters. The office is elegant and masculine. Bejeweled ancient weaponry are on display in glass columns. Sharra can’t help but gawk. Sharra recognizes Lazarus as the man who she bumped into. She thinks it’s luck and gives him his watch back. He’s grateful. It breaks the awkwardness. Lazarus gets down to business, gives her a Vault contract. He lists her qualities from a file. Lazarus mentions Grayson. She flinches at the name. She hasn’t seen him in years. He promises adventure, interesting places and people, stimulating work, a place she can use her perfect memory ability to the fullest. She isn’t convinced it’s for her, doesn’t think she qualifies, yet agrees to take the weekend to think about it.
Payoff: Sharra recognizes Lazarus as the man she bumped into and gives him his watch.
Setup: Sharra thinks it’s luck, but it’s the destiny she thought about earlier but doesn’t know it yet.
Mystery: Why is the weaponry important to Lazarus? And the watch?
Payoff: Lazarus lists the same qualities as Read did and applies them to Sharra.
Open Loop: There is something about Grayson…
Empathy/Distress: Sharra is uncomfortable talking about her brother.
Irony: Lazarus lists the same qualities as Read did and applies them to Sharra, saying she is a perfect candidate for the position. It soothes her self-esteem.
Setup: Lazarus warns her to keep the contract safe. It contains sensitive material and can damage the safety of the Agency.
INT. West Wing – Continuous
Sharra remembers the card, but it’s too late. The door is shut. She shakes her head and moves down the hallway
INT. Executive Suite – Day: Conspiracy
Tanner meets Lazarus at the minibar. Lazarus pours a whiskey for himself. Tanner agrees with Sharra – she’s not a good candidate for the Agency, pointing out her nice-girl-next-door feel. Lazarus disagrees, knowing differently, pointing out that none of them were in the beginning. Lazarus reminds Tanner what his job is. Tanner isn’t happy about it.
Payoff: We now see Tanner and Lazarus’ relationship/position in the Agency.
Open Loop: Tanner and Lazarus have a disagreement about Sharra’s recruitment.
Mystery: Why does Lazarus insist that Sharra will be an asset when it’s obvious she doesn’t fit the stereotype?
Empathy/Distress: Tanner argues that Sharra doesn’t fit, he sees what she is now – just an innocent, inexperienced girl.
Irony: Tanner thinks of Sharra as a nobody by outward appearance. Lazarus knows her true worth.
Setup: Tanner has a job and it has something to do with Sharra. He may not agree with Lazarus but he obeys.
INT. Financial Office – Day: Secret
Sharra works on her computer. An email pops up from her boss. She reads it, realizing that it wasn’t meant for her, but opens the attached file labeled: retirement funds. She quickly realizes the spreadsheet of figures is evidence that her boss is embezzling millions. She’s shocked. She hears her boss’s voice. He’s coming her way. She finds a USB stick and with nervous fingers gets it into the slot. Reads stops to chat with an employee. Sharra copies the file willing it to hurry and finish. Reads is at her desk. She gets up with her coffee mug and blocks his view, discreetly sliding a piece of paper over the USB stick. He notices her odd behavior but dismisses it and moves on. The file finishes loading. She gets out of the email and removes the USB stick.
Setup: The email is not meant for Sharra.
Irony: If she never got the email, she would’ve never found out about the embezzlement and would have stayed.
Empathy/Distress: Will Read catch Sharra? What will he do to her?
Payoff: The company slogan: Honest Before All Else is a lie.
Irony: Read who spouts honestly as every turn is a thief and a liar.
Open Loop: Sharra has the USB stick and the information on it is explosive.
Mystery: What will Sharra do with the information?
INT. Vault Main Corridor – Day: Mystery
A distressed Tanner rushes to Cam. It’s Sharra. She’s hurt. He’s upset, blames himself. Blames the Vault. They hear a hum through the wall. Someone has returned.
Setup: This is a future scene that we won’t see until a later episode.
Open Loop: Sharra is something more to Tanner. When did this happen?
Mystery: Where are they? What happened to Sharra? When are they? How did Sharra get there?
Empathy/Distress: Something bad has happened to Sharra. Tanner has feelings for her.
Setup: We meet Cam, the head medic. Something is off about his behavior.
Payoff: Someone has returned.
Irony: Tanner doesn’t like Sharra. Or that is what we think.
Setup: The strange hum through the wall.
Mystery: What is that hum and what does it mean?
INT. Vault Chamber – Continuous: Intriguing World
Faolan in a Vault uniform is pressed against the arch entrance, listening. The hum comes from behind him. Electrical – alive – alien. He peeks out. Spots Tanner and Cam, and listens. He waits for them to turn and then slips across the corridor.
Setup: We don’t get to see the room he’s in but we get the sense that it’s huge and something very important is making that humming noise.
Open Loop: Whatever is making that hum is central to the workings of the Vault.
Mystery: Where is he? What is making that noise that we cannot see? Why is Faolan hiding from Tanner and Cam?
Empathy/Distress: Will Faolan get caught?
Payoff:
Irony:
INT. Terminex – Continuous: Hidden Agenda
Faolan steals a Com-Link from a duffle bag. Gets onto one of the futuristic terminals and activates the screen. Works it like a pro – a headshot of Lazarus comes up. Faolan pauses on it. Resentment flashes across his face before he moves on. He swipes up the recruit applicant files. Onto Sharra’s. He recognizes her. Gets Sharra’s recruitment location, date, and pivotal point. He overrides the Com-link, activating his personal computer program, Ailbe. She missed him. Has her transfer Sharra’s file to the unit with a promise of a new mission. He swipes the terminal off.
Setup: He steals a Com-Link
Open Loop: Faolan knows his way around the place.
Mystery: Why is Faolan interested in Sharra’s recruitment information? What does he know that we don’t? How does he know Sharra?
Empathy/Distress: From the way he reacts to his personal program, we can tell that he’s been gone a long time. She has missed him and he has missed her too.
Payoff: He overrides the Com-Link and we are introduced to his personal program.
Irony: He has a personal relationship with a computer program over people.
INT. Main Corridor – Continuous
All clear. Faolan hurries across and disappears through the marble archway. A strange hum returns, grows louder. A flash of light. Then darkness. The hum slows.
INT. Sharra’s Apartment Living Room – Day: Suspicion
Sharra looks over the Vault contract. Something about it doesn’t seem right. She gets on her laptop and does a deeper google search, Lazarus Maitland. Comes up with a name from the 1700s. There is a photo of a painting of younger Lazarus with the woman from the watch. It’s an odd coincidence. She thinks he’s stolen the identity. She puts the contract away. It’s a no. She looks at the USB stick and picks up her cell phone, calls Dash. Asks him out.
Open Loop: Lazarus is a man from a different time, but Sharra isn’t in the know yet.
Mystery: Who is Lazarus Maitland?
Setup: She googles Lazarus Maitland. Comes up with someone from 1700s England.
Irony: She doesn’t know it, but the information she found about Lazarus is true.
Empathy/Distress: She thinks Lazarus has stolen the identity and doesn’t trust him or the agency.
Setup: There is the problem of the USB stick. It doesn’t sit well with her.
INT. Restaurant – Day: Hidden Agenda
Dash holds Sharra’s seat out for her. A gentleman. They order drinks. He thinks it’s a date… until Sharra gets down to business, re: the embezzlement, and is looking for help. She’s afraid of Read and what he will do to her. Dash is quick to tell her about an opening in Chicago. It would be a promotion. He’ll arrange everything. Sharra is grateful. She has to do something first and leaves. Dash smirks.
Setup: Dash seems for real, like he’s interested in Sharra as a girlfriend.
Setup: Dash has found her a job in Chicago. It would be a promotion.
Open Loop: Dash has his own agenda concerning Sharra but we don’t know what it is yet.
Mystery: Why is Dash so keen on helping Sharra? Why get her a job so far away when he seems to have feelings for her?
Empathy/Distress: Sharra is afraid of what Read will do if he finds out she knows.
Payoff: Sharra agrees to take the job in Chicago. Just what Dash was hoping. He’s not into her. It’s just a ruse.
Irony:
EXT. Manhattan Battery Park – Seaglass Carousel – Night: Intriguing World
A generic amusement park song plays. Children and parents enjoy the carousel ride. A strange vacuum disturbs the air nearby. Faolan magically appears. He drops to a crouch. No one notices him. He stands. They are at the far corner of the ½ mile point. Ailbe informs him the target is ten minutes away. He starts to run in that direction.
Payoff: This is the first time we actually see the shift happen – what was hinted at back in Colonial Philadelphia and at the Vault facilities.
Open Loop: Sharra is the target, but why?
Empathy/Distress: He doesn’t want to draw attention to his sudden appearance.
Mystery: How did Faolan get from 1825 England to present Manhattan? Why didn’t he appear right where he needed to be?
Setup: The ½ mile mark is important but we don’t know why yet only that it has something to do with the shift.
Irony: He talks to Ailbe like she’s a real person. It’s cute but sad.
EXT. Vault Office Building – Night: Imminent Threat
The taxi leaves. Sharra checks the mace can in her pocket. Satchel over her shoulder, she heads to the door. Out of nowhere, a dark form hits her, knocking her off balance, and grabs the satchel. She comes face to face with Jerad Conway. No time for mace. Sharra runs to the door, but Jerad jerks her back by the strap of the satchel. He stabs her, giving her a message to desist, and rips off the satchel, and takes off. Sharra is left gasping.
Open Loop: The message is from someone who doesn’t want her involved with Vault Agency.
Setup: The mugger relays a threatening message for her to desist.
Mystery: Who is Jerad Conway? Who hired him?
Empathy/Distress: Sharra gets attacked, stabbed, her satchel stolen. And left with a threatening message.
Payoff: Sharra remembers Lazarus’ warning about keeping the contract safe. She is forced to make a tough decision.
Irony:
ACT 3
EXT. Office Building – Side Courtyard – Night
Faolan jogs from the back street. He hears Sharra yelling and ducks behind a cement partition.
EXT. Office Building – Front – Continuous: Hidden Layer
Sharra is up and stumbling after the mugger. She loses a shoe. Desperate – re: the contract. Jerad is at the edge of the building and disappears around the corner. Sharra throws off the other shoe and sprints after Jerad.
Open Loop: The security and secrecy of Vault Agency are of utmost importance and for a good reason which we’ll learn about later.
Mystery:
Empathy/Distress: Sharra, though hurt, chases after a dangerous man.
Setup: Sharra’s character comes to the fore: the safety of Vault Agency, something she knows very little about but feels obligated towards, comes before her own safety.
Payoff: Lazarus’ warning about the contract in the wrong hands forces Sharra to act.
Irony: Sharra is stabbed in the same place as Faolan.
EXT. Office Building – Side Courtyard – Night: Hidden Layers
Jerad looks back and smiles. Big mistake. Faolan leaps out, overpowers Jerad, pressing a PEN to his neck. Jerad goes limp. Faolan drags him to the partition, ducking as Sharra appears. She touches her side. There is blood on her hands. Faolan grows alarmed, he wants to go to her but holds back. She turns around and disappears around the corner. He asks Ailbe about the injury. There is no record of it. Faolan checks behind the mugger’s ear – no tattoo. Finds a note, someone hired him. He gets the mugger’s address from his license, takes a wad of money out, and Sharra’s satchel. He heads to the front, but a loved-up couple block his way. He turns around…
Payoff: Faolan finds himself involved again in Sharra’s business/trouble. It’s not his reason for coming.
Open Loop: Faolan has feelings for Sharra.
Mystery: What is Sharra to Faolan? He obviously has some connection to her.
Empathy/Distress: Faolan wants to go to Sharra but for some reason holds back. We can see his internal struggle.
Mystery: Who hired Jerad? Was it Read?
Payoff: No record in the Vault’s system of Sharra’s injury which Faolan finds odd.
Setup: Faolan checks for a tattoo behind Jerad’s ear. Nothing.
Mystery: Why would Faolan check? What is he thinking?
Irony: Though Jerad isn’t a Vault agent, the one who hired Jerad is, but we don’t find that out until the end of the episode.
Setup: the loved-up couple are in Faolan’s way. He has to change direction.
Payoff: Faolan has Sharra’s satchel and Jerad’s address. He’s now definitely involved.
EXT. Office Building – Back Street – continuous
…and hails a taxi. It pulls up and he hops in. The taxi drives away.
EXT. Office Building – Front – Night
Still holding her side, Sharra picks up her discarded shoes, grimacing.
INT. Elevator – Night:
Sharra leans back against the wall. Looks at her bloody hand. It trembles. She opens her coat. So much blood! Panic! Her hand goes back over the wound. She makes an effort to calm down. The elevator dings. She takes a deep breath and stumbles out.
INT. Executive Suite – Night: Intriguing World
Lazarus opens the door and catches Sharra as she passes out. He lays her on the couch and Links Tanner. Tanner jokes about recruitment trouble already not realizing Lazarus is serious. Lazarus tells him to bring Cam and a med-kit and a woman’s white dress shirt. Lazarus lifts the compress, checks the wound, it’s bad, and presses the compress back down.
Open Loop:
Mystery: Why doesn’t he call an ambulance?
Empathy/Distress: We can hear Lazarus’ urgency. We can see Sharra’s blood and the wound.
Payoff: We get to see how the tattoo link actually works.
Irony:
Setup: Calling Cam instead of the local ambulance will show how Vault Agency doesn’t need any outside help for anything.
Seconds Later:
Tanner burst in with Cam carrying a med-kit. Cam does a quick exam and seals the wound with a glue gun from the future. Cam wants to bring Sharra back to the Vault but Lazarus won’t allow it. The situation convinces Tanner of Sharra’s unsuitability. An angry Lazarus puts Tanner in his place. He sends Tanner to go back in time to stop the mugging. Tanner wants to get a piece of this guy for hurting Sharra. Tanner leaves. Lazarus and Cam remove Sharra’s coat.
Open Loop: Tanner doesn’t want Sharra recruited.
Mystery: How did Tanner and Cam arrive within a moment of Lazarus’ Link?
Empathy/Distress: Lazarus is deeply concerned and immediately goes into action.
Payoff: We see Cam in action. His healing methods are futuristic, his behavior is methodical, unsettling. Vault Agency can take care of their own.
Mystery: How does Cam miraculously seal the knife wound without surgery?
Irony:
Setup:
Later: Deception
Sharra wakes disorientated, then frightened. She remembers, and her hand flies to her side to find a scar where she was stabbed. Lazarus brushes her questions aside, using her confusion. He thinks it was a random mugging, but Sharra knows different. However, she keeps quiet about her suspicion. Lazarus wants her to stay there for the night. She eyes his desk and agrees. Lazarus steps out to take care of some things. Sharra gets on her phone. Calls Dash. He’s surprised she’s hurt. It wasn’t supposed to happen. She misconstrues that to mean something else. While alone, Sharra puts the USB stick in an envelope and addresses it, then sneaks into Lazarus’s desk, pulls out her file. Flips through. Finds a file labeled: Lily and James Lane: The Accident. The door opens, stopping Sharra from opening the file. She quickly puts the file back in the desk. Lazarus is back with a blanket and pillow.
Empathy/Distress: Sharra is relieved she’s healed but confused as to how and Lazarus refuses to answer her.
Setup: Sharra knows it wasn’t a random mugging. She thinks it’s Read.
Setup: Sharra uses her injury to stay. She eyes Lazarus’ desk.
Payoff: She uses the alone time to do something with the USB stick.
Setup: Dash is surprised that she’s hurt. His surprise is real. It wasn’t supposed to happen. She misconstrues that to mean something else.
Payoff: She wanted to check out her file. She’s suspicious.
Setup: She finds a separate file on her parents labeled The Accident.
Mystery: Why does Lazarus have a file on her parents and what does the car accident have to do with any of this?
Open Loop: The Accident is part of the time loop and the catalyst that makes Sharra break Vault laws about interfering in her set timeline.
Irony: Lazarus unwittingly causes the problem that he’s there to fix by leaving the file unattended.
ACT 4
EXT. Office Building – Front – Night: Imminent Threat
It’s the same mugging as before. Tanner jogs into view too far away… and just in time to watch Jerad stab Sharra. The scene repeats: Jerad racing away, Sharra removing her shoes and stumbling after Jerad. Tanner goes in stealth mode and moves closer, but Sharra reappears from around the corner, picks up her shoes and stumbles to the front door. Tanner rushes to the side of the building. The same loved-up couple blocks his approach. He impatiently waits for them to move on and then races around the corner.
Open Loop: They can travel back to specific points. This point seems important.
Empathy/Distress: Tanner is too far away to stop the stabbing. It upsets him.
Mystery: Why couldn’t Tanner time it better? Is there a reason that we don’t yet?
Payoff: The loved-up couple that stops Faolan from coming to the front, stop Tanner from going into the side court. The two miss meeting only by chance.
Irony: Sent back to stop the mugging, he’s just in time to witness the mugging?
Setup: Upset and angry, Tanner chances after Jerad.
EXT. Side Courtyard – Continuous: Secret Identity
Tanner scans ahead as he races to the back. A man hails a taxi in the back street. It’s Faolan but Tanner can’t see his face. He sees Sharra’s satchel, though, and sprints forward.
Setup: Tanner thinks the man who gets into the taxi is the mugger.
Empathy/Distress: Tanner is too late to catch Faolan. But do we want him to catch Faolan?
Irony: It’s Faolan, a former friend of his.
EXT. Back Street – Night
The taxi pulls away. Tanner takes a photo with his Com-link and gets directions.
Setup: He gets his Com-Link to track the taxi.
EXT. Jerad’s House – Night
The taxi pulls away. Faolan approaches the house, keeping to the shadows. He peers in a window and moves to the back.
Payoff: He found Jerad’s place.
EXT. Jerad’s House – Back – Night: Secret Identity:
Faolan sneaks up to the back door. Removes lock picks from his utility belt. He expertly works the lock. Click. He’s done this before. He cracks open the door and slips inside.
Open Loop: Faolan is good at picking locks. He’s good at being inconspicuous, too.
Irony: An aristocratic gentleman of wealth knows how to pick locks.
Mystery: What else is a good at. Is he a thief?
INT. Jerad’s Kitchen – Continuous
A light shines from the living room. Faolan pauses. Listens. All is quiet. He creeps cautiously forward.
INT. Jerad’s Living Room – Night: Mystery
Faolan switches off the light as he enters. Sits at the computer. Uses Ailbe to get Jerad’s password. He finds Jerad’s email account. Several emails are addressed from Wolf. He reacts to the name. A car pulls into the driveway. Faolan peeks out the window. It’s Jerad! Faolan returns to the computer and opens the last email, takes a photo. He shuts down the computer. Pulls out his knife, raising it, and waits by the window. Spots Tanner running up the road just as the door unlocks. Faolan’s eyes lose focus for a moment and then clear. The door opens. The air conclaves around Faolan. The curtains ripple. Papers begin to lift.
Jerad steps in. He feels the strange disturbance in the air. He notices his computer is on and grows suspicious.
Open Loop:
Setup: Faolan finds suspicious emails addressed from someone called Wolf.
Mystery: Who is Wolf and why does the name bother Faolan?
Irony: We don’t know it yet, but Wolf is Faolan’s nickname, yet he’s obviously not the sender.
Payoff: We now realize that Faolan is investigating Sharra’s assailant but we don’t know why yet.
Empathy/Distress: Jerad shows up and Faolan is in the house!
Setup: He takes a photo of the email.
Open Loop: Faolan is quick to use violence, even to kill a man. He’s not a gentleman.
Payoff: Tanner shows up.
Mystery: Will Jerad witness Faolan’s shift?
EXT. Jerad’s House – Front – Night
Tanner creeps up the driveway and onto the front porch. Through the blinds, he sees a dark form at the computer.
INT. Jerad’s Living Room – Night: Strange Behavior
Tanner burst through the door and goes ballistic. Grills Jerad. Finds out someone else was there before him and took the satchel/contract. Tanner loses control and beats Jerad only stopping when the man is unconscious. He drops Jerad and goes to the computer only to find that Jerad’s emails inbox is empty – erased.
Open Loop: Tanner has a short fuse that gets him into trouble.
Mystery: Why does Tanner, who we’ve only seen as calm and collected, go ballistic?
Setup: Jerad tells Tanner the truth about someone beating him there, but Tanner doesn’t believe him.
Empathy/Distress: Will Tanner go too far and kill Jerad?
Payoff: Tanner has a thing for protecting the innocent, especially women.
Payoff: The erased computers confirm what Tanner believes – Jerad is guilty.
INT. Executive Suite – Night: Secret
Lazarus pours a whiskey, and with the glass and bottle, sits at his desk. Takes a swig, pours more. He watches Sharra in his Com-Link. She is checking her scar. Then looks at the photo/camera. He frowns, but she turns away. Something is on his mind. Lazarus pulls out a parchment letter with a broken wax seal, the same seal as his ring. Sharra’s address is on top of a few short paragraphs. Lazarus frowns contemplating the message. Tanner comes in. The mugger leads to a dead-end. Tanner wants Lazarus to forget Sharra. He can’t. An angry Lazarus sends a begrudging Tanner to watch over Sharra, keep her safe, and to bring her in.
Open Loop: Sharra’s recruitment is predestined.
Payoff: It’s Lazarus’ signet ring. He sent the letter to himself.
Payoff: This is how Lazarus knew to recruit Sharra and why he insisted despite Tanner’s objections.
Mystery: Why did his future-self leave such a cryptic message and not speak plainly?
Empathy/Distress: Sharra’s recruitment will hurt Lazarus but he’s doing it anyway.
Irony: Right after this, Tanner tells Lazarus to forget about Sharra. We now know the reason why he can’t, but for some reason, he hasn’t shown the letter to Tanner.
Setup: Tanner is sent to watch over Sharra, to keep her safe, and to bring her in.
EXT. Graveyard – Day: Wound
Sharra is alone. She stops at a gravestone marked Lily Lane and James Lane. Tanner stops in hearing distance behind her. She talks to her dead parents, looking for advice. She wants to be brave and do the right thing. Her brother has disappeared, too. She has no one but herself. Her loneliness moves Tanner, but he holds back from going to her. Sharra squares her shoulders and leaves. Tanner ducks out of view as she passes him.
Open Loop: Her parents both died on the same day and Sharra is still affected by it.
Payoff: We now know when they died.
Mystery: How did they die? Is her loss over-exaggerated or is there more to it that we don’t know yet?
Setup: Her brother’s disappearance.
Empathy/Distress: she lost both her parents. She has no one. She feels lost.
Setup: Tanner is moved by her loneliness. It’s the first time he shows something other than objection.
Irony:
INT. Financial Office – Day
Sharra works at her desk. Read calls her into his office. Dash notices and frowns.
INT. Boss’s Office – Day: Imminent Threat
Read has Sharra shut the door. He knows she was expecting the promotion but she is so young. List her great qualities. He fishes for information without saying it outright. Sharra sidesteps his questions. He switches from nice to scary. It throws her off. Read knows she’s lying, re: her perfect memory. She reveals that she has seen the file. He threatens her. No one will believe her accusations without proof. She quits and storms out. Read watches Sharra leaves as he gets on his phone and calls in a favor.
Open Loop:
Setup: Read acts nice to put Sharra at ease.
Empathy/Distress: Will Read carry out his threats? Is Sharra in danger?
Payoff: Her perfect memory comes back to bite her. That’s how Read catches her in a lie.
Payoff: Read switches from nice to confrontational throws Sharra off and she gives herself away. It makes it worse for her.
Setup: Read gets on the phone calling in a favor
Mystery: Who does Read call and what is the favor?
INT. Financial Office – Day: Deception
Dash follows and angry Sharra to her desk. She empties her desk into a box. Dash thinks it’s about the promotion and she doesn’t deny it. Tells him to watch his step around Read. With her box, she storms off.
EXT. Financial Building – Day: Hidden Agenda
Faolan blends in with the pedestrians. He has Sharra’s satchel. His eye is trained on the front doors. Sharra stomps out with her box. He starts towards her but spots Tanner, who leans on a wall, leaving his spot when he spots Sharra. Faolan holds back. Tanner meets Sharra. She’s not happy to find out he’s now her bodyguard. Sharra tries to get rid of Tanner, but he’s as stubborn as her. He takes the box and meets her angry stride. Faolan frowns and turns in the opposite direction.
Open Loop: Faolan is drawn to Sharra. This is the first time he sees her that we know of.
Mystery: Why is Faolan so interested in Sharra?
Empathy/Distress: Sharra just lost her job.
Setup: Faolan sees Tanner interact with Sharra and he doesn’t like it. He backs away. He’s not ready to be seen by either.
Open Loop: Will there be something between these three?
Payoff: Sharra accepts Tanner as her bodyguard unaware of his other agenda, to bring her in.
Irony: Sharra is unaware of Faolan’s feelings for her.
INT. Sharra’s Living Room – Day: Imminent Threat
Sharra enters with Tanner behind her holding the box. Her apartment is trashed! Everything is broken! Tanner pushes her aside as he goes full alert, searches her apartment. All clear. She scoops up the family picture. The glass is shattered. She finds the camera and starts to cry. Tanner is angry and wants to find whoever did this to her. He takes the camera from Sharra as he wraps his arms around her. She accepts it for a moment, then grows suspicious. Kicks him out. He reluctantly leaves. She gets on her cell phone to Dash. She’ll take the job in Chicago but must leave now. He can make that happen.
Empathy/Distress: Sharra feels violated and scared. Everything important to her is destroyed. It’s devastating.
Payoff: She finds the camera! Someone has been spying on her!
Setup: Sharra’s first time turns to Tanner for support.
Irony: Tanner is the one who placed the camera.
Payoff: Sharra takes the job in Chicago, just what Dash wants.
Mystery: Why is Dash helping her?
EXT. Sharra’s Apartment – Day
Tanner Links Lazarus about the break-in. Lazarus winds back the clip. It’s men neither recognize.
INT. Jerad’s Living Room – Day: Hidden Agenda
A battered Jerad answers his cell phone. He’s gone too far stabbing Sharra. It has pushed her right into ‘their’ arms. New plan: kidnap Sharra. Jerad agrees for a price and a promise: wants revenge for the beating.
Open Loop: Jerad is working for someone, we think it’s Read.
Mystery: Who is on the line? Read?
Empathy/Distress: Oh no! Sharra is in danger and Jerad is very angry!
Setup: Tanner is part of the bargain and it doesn’t look good for him either.
ACT 5
EXT. Warehouse – Day
Sharra gets out of a taxi. It leaves. She enters the warehouse, nervous. Something feels off.
INT. Warehouse – Day: Imminent Threat
Sharra moves in, calling for Dash. A voice answers her. It’s Jerad. Jerad grabs her from behind. Sharra struggles but can’t get free. The cocking of multiple guns stops Sharra. They both look up to find Read (He got a tip) with half a dozen gunmen all aimed at them. Two of the men are the ones who trashed Sharra’s apartment. Jerad drops Sharra and raises his arms. Sharra accuses Read of hiring Jerad. Read and Jerad both deny it. It confuses Sharra. Sharra looks frantically for a way out. Read laughs.
Open Loop:
Empathy/Distress: Jerad has Sharra in a stranglehold. She has no help.
Setup: Read shows up with his men, a lot of men with guns. Now, Jerad is in trouble too.
Mystery: Who tipped off Read?
Mystery: If Read didn’t hire Jerad, then who did? Who is Wolf?
Payoff: Read is there to take care of his little problem; re: Sharra.
Irony: Read and Jerad are not Sharra’s true enemy.
EXT. Warehouse – Day
Tanner runs up. Then, stealth mode to the open door, and hears angry voices. Read wants the USB stick.
INT. Warehouse – Continuous: Imminent Threat
Stubbornly, Sharra refuses. Read grabs a gun off a gunman and shoots Sharra. But Tanner, who has been sneaking closer, throws her to the ground. The bullet hits Jerad. He falls to the ground dead. Tanner, still in motion, rolls and takes down a gunman, confiscating his gun. He’s a trained fighter. It’s obvious as he skilfully shoots two more guys, But there are too many and he’s forced to put down the gun. Tanner recognizes the two gunmen and puts Sharra behind him, using his body as a shield. It looks hopeless. The faint sound of sirens comes from outside, growing closer.
Irony: Jerad gets shot instead of Sharra
Payoff: Tanner goes into military mode, showing off his skill when he takes out some of Read’s men.
Payoff: Tanner bravely shields Sharra even though he doesn’t like her.
Empathy/Distress: They are outnumbered and there’s no way to escape. It’s sure death for both of them.
Mystery: How are Tanner and Sharra going to get out of this alive?
Payoff: The police sirens approach.
Mystery: Who informed the police?
EXT. Warehouse – Continuous
Three police cars pull up, lights flashing. Police hop out, guns ready. One hand signals to the door.
INT. Warehouse – Continuous: Intriguing World
Sharra starts laughing. Tanner thinks she’s gone hysterical. She had mailed the USB to the police. Figured out that Dash has been working for Read, which he denies. Sharra tells Read it’s too late for him. Read takes it badly and refuses to go out alone. It looks hopeless. Tanner holds Sharra. Read thinks he’s trying to save her, a useless action. Tanner has Sharra close her eyes. His eyes unfocus for a second, then focus and they disappear just as the police storm inside. Shocked, Read and his men stand like statues and are easily subdued.
Payoff: Sharra had sent the USB to the police. She also gave them the address, figuring out Dash had been working for Read.
Mystery: Has Dash been working for Read?
Empathy/Distress: It looks hopeless for Tanner and Sharra.
Payoff: Tanner uses a shift to save them. They disappear before everyone’s eyes.
Irony: Read and his men are surrounded by the police. They are the ones who lose.
Open Loop: So, Dash is in the wind.
INT. Faolan’s Bedroom – Night: Hidden Agenda
Faolan enters, drops the satchel on the bed next to evening clothes. He forgot. The dinner party! Faolan pulls the servant’s cord. He removes the Vault jacket and gasps in pain. The cloth bandage has fresh blood oozing through. He starts to unwind it.
Later
Hobbs helps Faolan get dressed. Though a certain lady will be present, Faolan is distracted. Hobbs leaves. Faolan opens the satchel, lifts out the Vault contract and raises an eyebrow. Interesting. The photo of Sharra is in his hand. His eyes soften. He likes her. He takes his Com-link and reads the email from Jerad’s computer and realizes it had come from a Vault agent.
Open Loop: Faolan has a life in 1825 but he’s also a Vault Agent which means he has a life there too or at least in his past.
Setup: He finds the Vault contract in the satchel. He has to do something with it.
Empathy/Distress: He has a thing for Sharra. But how is anything going to come from that when she’s in the future and he’s there in 1825?
Payoff: The email – he finally reads it and realizes it has come from a Vault agent!
Mystery: Who is the rogue agent?
INT. Shiftroom – Day
A flash of white and a glimpse of Tanner and Sharra. Then, they disappear, again.
EXT. Vault Office Building – Front – Night: Wound
Tanner and Sharra reappear in the empty courtyard. Sharra is in shock, but Tanner doesn’t slow down as he drags her to the front door. She accuses him of following her, the one spying on her. He calls her a pain in the neck and magnet for trouble. Tanner is only with Sharra at Lazarus’ command, not by choice. Neither are happy. Tanner hates to admit it but he agrees with Lazarus on one thing: the Vault is the safest place for Sharra.
Open Loop: Tanner agrees with Lazarus that the Vault is the safest place for Sharra.
Empathy/Distress: Tanner is angry at Sharra for getting into a bad situation that could have cost both their lives. He doesn’t want her.
Mystery: Why is Tanner so adamant that Sharra doesn’t belong with Vault Agency?
Payoff: Irony: She accuses him of spying on her, which is true.
INT. Executive Suite – Night: Deception
Tanner and Sharra burst in. Tanner gives Lazarus a shortened briefing. The only option: to take their offer. Lazarus gives her the option that if she is unhappy, she can go anywhere she wants after that. The option comes with a cost that Lazarus doesn’t reveal to her and Tanner is aware of the omission. Sharra has nothing left. Forced to flee or be killed, she accepts the offer. Lazarus promises all will be revealed. She has to trust him. He takes her hand. She thinks about destiny. They vanish.
Setup: The option to go anyplace later comes with a cost that Lazarus doesn’t reveal to her and Tanner is aware of the omission.
Open Loop: Sharra is forced to flee but it doesn’t mean she will leave her nemesis behind.
Empathy/Distress: Sharra literally has nothing and no one.
Payoff: The trauma pushes Sharra to trust Lazarus and take the position.
Irony: Lazarus has been using smoke and mirrors when the truth would’ve worked.
Mystery: Where did Lazarus and Sharra go?
-
Jean’s Scene Requirements
What I learned doing this assignment is that using the two-step passes helped flesh my scenes out.
TEASER
Start: A gangly teen Benjamin Franklin locks the printshop while Tanner watches.
Challenging Situation: Two ruffians rob Ben
Conflict: Tanner tries to look conspicuous but wants to help Ben
Action: Tanner catches up and takes out the ruffians
Finish: Ben thanks Tanner but Tanner disappears.
EXT. Colonial Philadelphia Street – Day
A gangly teen Benjamin Franklin locks the printshop.
EXT. Narrow Alleyway – Continuous
Tanner dressed in Colonial wear spots Ben, his target. Ben leaves the shop whistling. Tanner goes to cross the street, gets stopped by buggies, loses track of Ben.
EXT. Street – Continuous
Two mean-looking men spy Ben’s satchel – easy pickings – and drag Ben into a narrow alleyway to kill him.
EXT. Alleyway – Day
Tanner takes out both men. It’s not Ben’s day to die. Tanner quotes a saying by an older Ben and vanishes, leaving a confused Ben behind.
ACT 1
Start: Sharra is distracted thinking about her future
Challenging Situation: She collides with Lazarus. It’s brief.
Conflict: He apologizes, pickpockets her keys
Action: Lazarus cross paths with Tanner, hand him the keys
Finish: points Sharra out as she enters the building
EXT. Manhattan Street Financial Building – Day
Sharra listens to a father and a teenager discuss his future, then a professional couple meeting for the first time. She wonders about chance versus destiny. Not watching her path, she collides with Lazarus. He quickly apologizes while pickpocketing her keys, dropping his pocket watch inside her pocket. Further down, Lazarus gives Tanner the keys and points out Sharra as she enters the office building.
Start: At her desk, Sharra finds the watch in her pocket. She reads the inscription. Notices the time and hurries to the conference room.
Challenging Situation: The staff is gathered. Sharra slips in. Robert Reads is praising a staff member; someone is up for promotion. Sharra thinks it’s her. She blushes under the praise.
Conflict: The promotion goes to an underling!
Action: Sharra leaves in a huff. J.D Dash follows her.
Finish: She’s back at her desk, looking for another job where she will be appreciated.
INT. Finance Office – Day
Sharra is at her desk. Finds the watch in her coat pocket. Reads the inscription on the back. Notices the time. Oops! She is late and hurries off for…
INT. Conference Room – Day
The room is full of staff. J.D. Dash smiles at her. She smiles and gives him a little wave. One of the boss’, Robert Read lists the qualities of the person up for promotion. Sharra slips inside. Sharra smiles, embarrassed at the praise, holding back her excitement; she thinks it’s her. Read announces another staff member. Sharra can’t believe it and leaves in a huff. Dash follows her out.
INT. Finance Office – Day
Sharra is on the computer, searching for a new career, something with adventure where she will be appreciated. She feels robbed. Dash offers his condolences, notices the watch, recognizes the miniature inside, grows wary. Sharra notices, but Dash distracts her with an offer to look around for another position for her.
Start: Tanner slips into Sharra’s apartment. Looks around
Challenging Situation: Notices her meager belongings.
Conflict: One family photo. He realizes she has no roots – is alone.
Action: He places a camera bug behind a family photo.
Finish: He slips out.
INT. Sharra’s Apartment – Day
The lock clicks. The door opens and Tanner slips in. He scopes out the room – one family photo, a faded quilt, a few time-travel novels, plants – a lonely existence. He sighs and shakes his head. He hides a camera bug behind the picture and slips out, quietly shutting the door behind him.
Start: It’s that 5 o’clock foot traffic. Sharra leaves the building along with other workers.
Challenging Situation: She sees a hot guy staring at her. It’s Tanner. She loses her composure and drops some papers. Tanner rushes over to help.
Conflict: Tanner slips her keys back into her purse. Notices the papers are job applications. Bad day.
Action: Destiny. He gives her a Vault Agency business card. He’s the second person offering her a job. He saunters off. She watches him puzzled. Then looks at the card.
Finish: It shimmers. Sharra is drawn to it. Touches it. It zaps her. It’s weird.
EXT. Financial Building – Day
It’s that 5 o’clock foot traffic. Sharra leaves the building along with other workers. She sees a hot guy staring at her – Tanner – loses her composure and drops some papers. Tanner rushes over to help. Tanner slips her keys back into her purse. Notices the papers are job applications. Bad day. His company is looking for someone, gives her a Vault Agency business card. He’s the second person offering her a job. The logo is the same as Tanner’s tattoo. Tanner disappears into the crowd of pedestrians. The logo shimmers. Sharra is drawn to it. Touches it. It zaps her. It’s weird.
Start: Sharra enters. Puts her satchel on the couch.
Challenging Situation: Her eyes fall on the photo. her parents, a younger her and her brother.
Conflict: She adjusts the photo, looks at it with sadness. Touches her mom. She doesn’t notice the camera.
Action: She removes the business card from her coat pocket. It zaps her like the first time. It makes her curious. She opens her laptop, googles Vault Agency. The website comes up.
Finish: She dials the agency’s phone number.
INT. Sharra’s apartment – Day
Sharra enters, shuts the door, and throws her satchel on the couch. Her eyes land on the photo. It’s out of place. She adjusts it, almost touching the camera, but pauses to look at it. It’s her parents, a younger her and her brother. She touches her mom. Moves away. Then, remembers the business card. She removes it from her coat pocket. It zaps her like the first time. It makes her curious. She opens her laptop, googles Vault Agency, comes up with a website. Looks Interesting. She dials the agency’s phone number.
Start: Faolan comes home from a night out. His butler, Mr Hobbs, meets him at the door, takes his top hat and cane. Notices the blood on Faolan’s cuff.
Challenging Situation: Faolan moves stiffly up the stairs, dismissing his concerned butler.
Conflict: In his bedroom, Faolan opens his dress coat. His left side is soaked – blood! The housekeeper, Mrs Hobbs, arrives with water and fresh linens. She knows but is discrete and leaves.
Action: Faolan removes a suitcase buried in his armoure and sets it on the bed. Snaps it opened. Pauses. Grim. Whatever is inside can’t be good.
Finish: He lifts out a black uniform jacket. Totally not 1825. He turns it. The Vault logo is imprinted on the chest and arm.
INT. Faolan’s Townhouse Foyer – Night
It’s London 1825. Faolan enters and is met by his butler, Mr Hobbs. Faolan’s clothes speak of a night out on the town. Faolan removes his top hat, grimaces in pain, and gives it and his cane to Hobbs. Hobbs notices blood on Faolan’s cuff. Faolan moves stiffly up the stairs, dismissing his concerned butler.
INT. Faolan’s Bedroom – Night
Faolan drops the ‘nothing’s wrong’ act. He opens his coat – his shirt is soaked – blood! He reveals a stab wound on his side. The housekeeper, Mrs. Hobbs, arrives with water and bandages, from Mr. Hobbs. After she leaves, Faolan removes a suitcase buried in his armoure and sets it on the bed. Snaps it opened. Pauses. Grim. Whatever is inside can’t be good. He lifts out a black uniform jacket. Totally not 1825. He turns it. The Vault logo is imprinted on the chest and arm.
Start: Sharra gets out of a taxi and heads to the front door of the impressive building
Challenging Situation: Tanner, off to the side, watches Sharra.
Conflict: doesn’t want Sharra to see him.
Action: He touches a hidden metal device attached to his tattoo and links with Lazarus, informing him the target is on her way.
Finish: He follows Sharra at a discreet distance.
ACT 2
EXT. Manhattan – Office Building – Day
Sharra steps out of a taxi and heads to the door of the impressive building, a bit intimidated. Tanner, hiding behind a cup of coffee off to the side, watches her. He touches a hidden metal device attached to his tattoo and links with Lazarus, informing him the target is on her way. He throws his cup in the trash and follows Sharra from a discreet distance.
INT. Office Building Reception Area – Day
The reception points Sharra to the West Wing. She heads down the corridor. The second elevator opens. Tanner gets out and follows, staying back.
INT. West Wing – Day
Sharra stops at Vault Agency’s door. She looks back. Tanner quickly sits, holding a magazine up to hide his face. Sharra’s finger brushes the logo on the card and gets zapped again. Blames it on static. She is nervous. Big breath, then knocks.
Start: The office is elegant and masculine. Bejeweled ancient weaponry are on display in glass columns. Sharra can’t help but gawk. Tanner sneaks inside, hides, and listens.
Challenging Situation: The Head Director is the man who bumped into her, Lazarus Maitland. She thinks it’s luck and gives him his watch back. It breaks the awkwardness of the moment.
Conflict: Lazarus gets down to business, gives her a Vault contract. He lists her qualities from a file. She doesn’t feel she qualifies
Action: Lazarus tries to persuade her. Gives her the weekend to think about it.
Finish: Sharra leaves with the contract but gives no promises.
INT. Executive Suite – Day
Sharra enters. The office is elegant and masculine. Bejeweled ancient weaponry are on display in glass columns. Sharra can’t help but gawk. Sharra recognizes Lazarus as the man who she bumped into. She thinks it’s luck and gives him his watch back. He’s grateful. It breaks the awkwardness. Lazarus gets down to business, gives her a Vault contract. He lists her qualities from a file. Lazarus mentions Grayson. She flinches at the name. She hasn’t seen him in years. He promises adventure, interesting places and people, stimulating work, a place she can use her perfect memory ability to the fullest. She isn’t convinced it’s for her, doesn’t think she qualifies, yet agrees to take the weekend to think about it.
INT. West Wing – Continuous
Sharra remembers the card, but it’s too late. The door is shut. She shakes her head and moves down the hallway
Start: Tanner meets Lazarus at the minibar.
Challenging Situation: Tanner doesn’t think Sharra makes a good candidate for the Agency
Conflict: Lazarus disagrees, knowing differently.
Action: Lazarus reminds Tanner what his job is. Tanner isn’t happy about it.
Finish: Tanner is sent to get things ready.
INT. Executive Suite – Day
Tanner meets Lazarus at the minibar. Lazarus pours a whiskey for himself. Tanner agrees with Sharra – she’s not a good candidate for the Agency, pointing out her nice-girl-next-door feel. Lazarus disagrees, knowing differently, pointing out that none of them were in the beginning. Lazarus reminds Tanner what his job is. Tanner isn’t happy about it.
Start: Sharra works on her computer. An email pops up from her boss.
Challenging Situation: She reads it, realizing that it wasn’t meant for her, but opens the attached file labeled: retirement funds.
Conflict: She quickly realizes the spreadsheet of figures is evidence that her boss is embezzling clients’ money. She’s shocked. She hears her boss’s voice. He’s coming her way.
Action: She finds a USB stick and with nervous fingers gets it into the slot. Reads stops to chat with an employee. Sharra copies the file willing it to hurry and finish. Reads is at her desk. She gets up and blocks his view, sliding a piece of paper over the USB stick.
Finish: He notices her odd behavior but dismisses it and moves on. The file finishes loading. She gets out of the email and removes the USB stick.
INT. Financial Office – Day
Sharra works on her computer. An email pops up from her boss. She reads it, realizing that it wasn’t meant for her, but opens the attached file labeled: retirement funds. She quickly realizes the spreadsheet of figures is evidence that her boss is embezzling millions. She’s shocked. She hears her boss’s voice. He’s coming her way. She finds a USB stick and with nervous fingers gets it into the slot. Reads stops to chat with an employee. Sharra copies the file willing it to hurry and finish. Reads is at her desk. She gets up with her coffee mug and blocks his view, discreetly sliding a piece of paper over the USB stick. He notices her odd behavior but dismisses it and moves on. The file finishes loading. She gets out of the email and removes the USB stick.
INT. Vault Main Corridor – Day
A distressed Tanner rushes to Cam. It’s Sharra. She’s hurt. He’s upset, blames himself. Blames the Vault. They hear a hum through the wall. Someone has returned.
Start: Faolan hides, listening.
Challenging Situation: He waits for them to turn and then slips across the hallway to the Terminex.
Conflict: He steals a Comlink from a duffle bag. At a terminal, a headshot of Lazarus comes up. Faolan pauses on it. Resentment flashes across his face before he moves on.
Action: He swipes up the recruit applicant files. Gets Sharra’s recruitment location, date, and pivotal point. Overrides the Comlink program, activating his personal computer, Ailbe.
Finish: She missed him. Has Ailbe transfer Sharra’s file to the unit with a promise of a new mission. He swipes the terminal off and slips back across the hallway.
INT. Vault Chamber – Continuous
Faolan, in a Vault uniform, is pressed against the arch entrance, listening. The hum comes from behind him. Electrical – alive – alien. He peeks out. Spots Tanner and Cam. He waits for them to turn and then slips across the corridor.
INT. Terminex – Continuous
Faolan steels a Com-Link from a duffle bag. Gets onto one of the futuristic terminals and activates the screen. Works it like a pro – a headshot of Lazarus comes up. Faolan pauses on it. Resentment flashes across his face before he moves on. He swipes up the recruit applicant files. Onto Sharra’s. He recognizes her. Gets Sharra’s recruitment location, date, and pivotal point. He overrides the Com-link, activating his personal computer program, Ailbe. She missed him. Has Ailbe transfer Sharra’s file to the unit with a promise of a new mission. He swipes the terminal off.
INT. Main Corridor – Continuous
All clear. Faolan hurries across and disappears through the marble archway. A strange hum returns, grows louder. A flash of light. Then darkness. The hum slows.
Start: Sharra studies the Vault contract.
Challenging Situation: Something about it doesn’t seem right. She gets on her laptop and does a deeper google search, Lazarus Maitland. Comes up with a name from the 1700s but no photo.
Conflict: She looks at the USB stick and makes a decision.
Action: On her cell phone, she calls Dash,
Finish: She needs some advice. They agree to meet.
INT. Sharra’s apartment – Day
Sharra looks over the Vault contract. Something about it doesn’t seem right. She gets on her laptop and does a deeper google search, Lazarus Maitland. Comes up with a name from the 1700s but no photo. She puts the contract away. It’s a no. She looks at the USB stick and picks up her cell phone, calls Dash. She needs some advice.
Start: Dash holds Sharra’s seat out for her. A gentleman. They order drinks.
Challenging Situation: He thinks it’s a date…
Conflict: …until Sharra gets down to business, re: the embezzlement, and is looking for help. She’s afraid of Read and what he will do to her.
Action: Dash is quick to tell her about an opening in Chicago. He’ll arrange everything.
Finish: Sharra is grateful. She has to do something first and leaves.
INT. Restaurant – Day
Dash holds Sharra’s seat out for her. A gentleman. They order drinks. He thinks it’s a date… until Sharra gets down to business, re: the embezzlement, and is looking for help. She’s afraid of Read and what he will do to her. Dash is quick to tell her about an opening in Chicago. He’ll arrange everything. Sharra is grateful. She has to do something first and leaves. Dash smirks.
EXT. Manhattan Battery Park – Seaglass Carousel – Night
A generic amusement park song plays. Children and parents enjoy the carousel ride. A strange vacuum disturbs the air nearby. Faolan magically appears. He drops to a crouch. No one notices him. He stands. Ailbe informs him the target is ten minutes away. He starts to run in that direction.
Start: The taxi leaves. Sharra checks the mace can in her pocket. Satchel over her shoulder, she heads to the door.
Challenging Situation: Out of nowhere, a dark form hits her, knocking her off balance, and grabs the satchel. She comes face to face with Jerad Conway. No time for mace.
Conflict: Sharra runs to the door, but Jerad jerks her back by the strap of the satchel.
Action: He stabs her, rips off the satchel, and races to the side of the building.
Finish: Sharra is left gasping.
EXT. Vault Office Building – Night
The taxi leaves. Sharra checks the mace can in her pocket. Satchel over her shoulder, she heads to the door. Out of nowhere, a dark form hits her, knocking her off balance, and grabs the satchel. She comes face to face with Jerad Conway. No time for mace. Sharra runs to the door, but Jerad jerks her back by the strap of the satchel. He stabs her, giving her a message to desist, and rips off the satchel, and takes off. Sharra is left gasping.
ACT 3
EXT. Office Building – Side Courtyard – Night
Faolan jogs from the back street. He hears Sharra yelling and ducks behind a cement partition.
EXT. Office Building – Front – Continuous
Sharra is up and stumbling after the mugger. She loses a shoe Desperate – re: the contract. Jerad is at the edge of the building and disappears around the corner. Sharra throws off the other shoe and sprints after Jerad.
Start: Jerad looks back and smiles. Big mistake.
Challenging Situation: Faolan leaps out, overpowers Jerad, pressing a PEN to his neck. Jerad goes limp. Faolan drags him to the partition, ducking as Sharra appears.
Conflict: She touches her side. There is blood on her hands. Faolan is torn, he wants to go to her but holds back. She turns around and disappears around the corner.
Action: He asks Ailbe about the injury. There is no record of it. He finds a note and a snapshot of Sharra on Jerad. He checks behind Jerad’s left ear. No tattoo. He snaps a photo of Jerad’s license.
Finish: Faolan hales a taxi and gets inside.
EXT. Office Building – Side Courtyard – Night
Jerad looks back and smiles. Big mistake. Faolan leaps out, overpowers Jerad, pressing a PEN to his neck. Jerad goes limp. Faolan drags him to the partition, ducking as Sharra appears. She touches her side. There is blood on her hands. Faolan grows alarmed, he wants to go to her but holds back. She turns around and disappears around the corner. He asks Ailbe about the injury. There is no record of it. Faolan checks behind the mugger’s ear – no tattoo. Finds a note, someone hired him. He gets the mugger’s address from his license, takes a wad of money out, and Sharra’s satchel. He heads to the front, but a loved-up couple block his way. He turns around…
EXT. Office Building – Back Street – continuous
…and hails a taxi. It pulls up and he hops in. The taxi drives away.
EXT. Office Building – Front – Night
Still holding her side, Sharra picks up her discarded shoes, grimacing.
INT. Elevator – Night
Sharra leans back against the wall. Looks at her bloody hand. It trembles. She opens her coat. So much blood! Panic! Her hand goes back over the wound. She makes an effort to calm down. The elevator dings. She takes a deep breath and stumbles out.
Start: Lazarus opens the door and catches Sharra as she passes out.
Challenging Situation: He lays her on the couch and Links Tanner
Conflict: Tanner jokes about recruitment trouble already not realizing Lazarus is serious.
Action: Lazarus tells him to bring Cam and a med-kit and a woman’s white dress shirt.
Finish: Lazarus lifts the compress, checks the wound, and presses the compress back down.
INT. Executive Suite – Night
Lazarus opens the door and catches Sharra as she passes out. He lays her on the couch and Links Tanner. Tanner jokes about recruitment trouble already not realizing Lazarus is serious. Lazarus tells him to bring Cam and a med-kit and a woman’s white dress shirt. Lazarus lifts the compress, checks the wound, and presses the compress back down.
Start: Tanner burst in with Cam.
Challenging Situation: Cam does a quick exam and seals the wound with a glue gun from the future.
Conflict: Cam wants to bring Sharra back to the Vault but Lazarus won’t allow it. The situation convinces Tanner of Sharra’s unsuitability.
Action: An angry Lazarus sends Tanner to go back in time to stop the mugging. Tanner wants to get a piece of this guy for hurting Sharra.
Finish: Tanner leaves. Lazarus and Cam remove Sharra’s coat.
Seconds Later:
Tanner burst in with Cam carrying a med-kit. Cam does a quick exam and seals the wound with a glue gun from the future. Cam wants to bring Sharra back to the Vault but Lazarus won’t allow it. The situation convinces Tanner of Sharra’s unsuitability. An angry Lazarus puts Tanner in his place. He sends Tanner to go back in time to stop the mugging. Tanner wants to get a piece of this guy for hurting Sharra. Tanner leaves. Lazarus and Cam remove Sharra’s coat.
Start: Sharra wakes disorientated, then frightened.
Challenging Situation: She remembers and her hand flies to her side to find a scar where she was stabbed.
Conflict: Lazarus brushes her questions aside, using her confusion. He thinks it was a random mugging, but Sharra knows different. However, she keeps quiet about her suspicion. Lazarus wants her to stay there for the night. She eyes his computer and agrees.
Action: Lazarus steps out to take care of some things. Sharra gets on her phone. Calls Dash. He knows things that he shouldn’t, but she doesn’t pick up on it. While alone, Sharra puts the USB stick in an envelope and addresses it, then sneaks into Lazarus’s desk, pulls out her file. Flips through. Finds a file labeled: Lily and
James Lane. The accident.Finish: The door opens, stopping Sharra from opening the file. She quickly puts the file back inside the
desk.Later:
Sharra wakes disorientated, then frightened. She remembers, and her hand flies to her side to find a scar where she was stabbed. Lazarus brushes her questions aside, using her confusion. He thinks it was a random mugging, but Sharra knows different. However she keeps quiet about her suspicion. Lazarus wants her to stay there for the night. She eyes his computer and agrees. Lazarus steps out to take care of some things. Sharra gets on her phone. Calls Dash. He knows things that he shouldn’t, but she doesn’t pick up on it. While alone, Sharra puts the USB stick in an envelope and addresses it, then sneaks into Lazarus’s desk, pulls out her file. Flips through. Finds a file labeled: Lily and
James Lane. The accident. The door opens, stopping Sharra from opening the file. She quickly puts the file back inside the
drawer. Lazarus is back with a blanket and pillow.ACT 4
Start: It’s the same mugging as before. Tanner jogs into view too far away…
Challenging Situation: …and just in time to watch Jerad stab Sharra. The scene is repeated: Jerad racing away, Sharra removing her shoes, and stumbling after Jerad.
Conflict: Tanner goes in stealth mode and moves closer, but Sharra reappears from around the corner, picks up her shoes, and stumbles to the front door.
Action: Tanner rushes to the side of the building
Finish: A loved-up couple block his approach. He impatiently waits for them to move on and then races around the corner.
EXT. Office Building – Front – Night
It’s the same mugging as before. Tanner jogs into view too far away… and just in time to watch Jerad stab Sharra. The scene repeats: Jerad racing away, Sharra removing her shoes, and stumbling after Jerad. Tanner goes in stealth mode and moves closer, but Sharra reappears from around the corner, picks up her shoes, and stumbles to the front door. Tanner rushes to the side of the building. The same loved-up couple block his approach. He impatiently waits for them to move on and then races around the corner.
EXT. Side Courtyard – Continuous
Tanner scans ahead as he races to the back. A man hails a taxi in the back street. It’s Faolan but Tanner can’t see his face. He sees Sharra’s satchel, though, and sprints forward.
EXT. Back Street – Night
The taxi pulls away. Tanner takes a photo with his Com-link and gets directions.
EXT. Jerad’s House – Night
The taxi pulls away. Faolan approaches the house, keeping to the shadows. He peers in a window and moves to the back.
EXT. Jerad’s House – Back – Night
Faolan sneaks up to the back door. Removes lock picks from his utility belt. He expertly works the lock. Click. He’s done this before. He cracks open the door and slips inside.
INT. Jerad’s Kitchen – Continuous
A light shines from the living room. Faolan pauses. Listens. All is quiet. He creeps cautiously forward.
Start: Faolan switches off the light as he enters. Sits at the computer.
Challenging Situation: Uses Ailbe to get Jerad’s password.
Conflict: He finds Jerad’s email account. Several emails are addressed from Wolf. He reacts to the name.
Action: A car pulls into the driveway. Faolan peeks out the window. It’s Jerad! Faolan returns to the computer and opens the last email, takes a photo. He shuts down the computer. Pulls out his knife…
Finish: …and waits by the window. Spots Tanner running up the road just as the door unlocks. Faolan’s eyes lose focus for a moment, and then clear.
INT. Jerad’s Living Room – Night
Faolan switches off the light as he enters. Sits at the computer. Uses Ailbe to get Jerad’s password. He finds Jerad’s email account. Several emails are addressed from Wolf. He reacts to the name. A car pulls into the driveway. Faolan peeks out the window. It’s Jerad! Faolan returns to the computer and opens the last email, takes a photo. He shuts down the computer. Pulls out his knife, raises it and waits by the window. Spots Tanner running up the road just as the door unlocks. Faolan’s eyes lose focus for a moment and then clear. The door opens. The air conclaves around Faolan. The curtains ripple. Papers begin to lift.
Jerad steps in. He feels the strange disturbance in the air. He notices his computer is on and grows suspicious.
EXT. Jerad’s House – Front – Night
Tanner creeps up the driveway and onto the front porch. Through the blinds, he sees a dark form at the computer.
INT. Jerad’s Living Room – Night
Tanner burst through the door and goes ballistic. Grills Jerad. Finds out someone else was there before him and took the satchel/contract. Tanner loses control and beats Jerad only stopping when the man is unconscious. He drops Jerad and goes to the computer only to find that Jerad’s emails inbox is empty – erased.
Start: At his desk, Lazarus pulls out a parchment letter with a broken wax seal, the same seal as his ring.
Challenging Situation: Sharra’s address is on top of a few short paragraphs.
Conflict: Lazarus frowns contemplating the message. He tucks the letter in his suit and finishes his whiskey. He knows it has happened so it will happen. Tanner comes in. The mugger leads to a dead end.
Action: Tanner wants Lazarus to forget Sharra. He can’t.
Finish: An angry Lazarus sends a begrudging Tanner to watch over Sharra, keep her safe, and bring her in.
INT. Executive Suite – Night
Lazarus pours a whiskey, and with the glass and bottle, sits at his desk. Takes a swig, pours more. Though relaxed, he frowns. Something is on his mind. Lazarus pulls out a parchment letter with a broken wax seal, the same seal as his ring. Sharra’s address is on top of a few short paragraphs. Lazarus frowns contemplating the message. Tanner comes in. The mugger leads to a dead-end. Tanner wants Lazarus to forget Sharra. He can’t. An angry Lazarus sends a begrudging Tanner to watch over Sharra, keep her safe, and bring her in.
Start: Sharra touches a gravestone.
Challenging Situation: She talks to her dead parents, looking for advice. Her brother has disappeared, too. She has no one but herself.
Conflict: She wants to be brave and do the right thing. Tanner is there, watching her, listening without her knowledge.
Action: Her loneliness moves him, but he holds back from going to her.
Finish: Sharra knows what she has to do.
EXT. Graveyard – Day
Sharra is alone. She stops at a gravestone marked Lily Lane and James Lane. Tanner stops in hearing distance behind her. She talks to her dead parents, looking for advice. She wants to be brave and do the right thing. Her brother has disappeared, too. She has no one but herself. Her loneliness moves Tanner, but he holds back from going to her. Sharra squares her shoulders and leaves. Tanner ducks out of view as she passes him.
INT. Financial Office – Day
Sharra works at her desk. Read calls into his office. Dash notices and frowns.
Start: Read has Sharra shut the door.
Challenging Situation: He fishes for information. Sharra sidesteps his questions.
Conflict: Read knows about the misplaced file and that she has seen it.
Action: He threatens her. No one will believe her accusations without proof. She quits and storms out.
Finish: Read gets on his phone and calls in a favor.
INT. Boss’s Office – Day
Read has Sharra shut the door. He knows she was expecting the promotion but she too young. List her great qualities. He fishes for information without saying it outright. Sharra sidesteps his questions. He knows she’s lying, re: her perfect memory. Read knows about the misplaced file and that she has seen it. He threatens her. No one will believe her accusations without proof. She quits and storms out. Read gets on his phone and calls in a favor.
INT. Financial Office – Day
Dash follows and angry Sharra to her desk. She empties her desk into a box. Dash thinks it’s about the promotion and she doesn’t deny it. Tells him to watch his step around Read. With her box, she storms off.
Start: Faolan blends in with the pedestrians. His eye is trained on the front doors.
Challenging Situation: Sharra stomps out with her box. He starts towards her but spots Tanner, who leans on a wall, leaving his spot.
Conflict: Faolan holds back. Tanner meets Sharra. She’s not happy to find out he’s now her bodyguard.
Action: Sharra tries to get rid of Tanner, but he’s as stubborn as her.
Finish: He takes the box and meets her angry stride.
EXT. Financial Building – Day
Faolan blends in with the pedestrians. He has Sharra’s satchel. His eye is trained on the front doors. Sharra stomps out with her box. He starts towards her but spots Tanner, who leans on a wall, leaving his spot when he spots Sharra. Faolan holds back. Tanner meets Sharra. She’s not happy to find out he’s now her bodyguard. Sharra tries to get rid of Tanner, but he’s as stubborn as her. He takes the box and meets her angry stride. Faolan frowns and turns in the opposite direction.
Start: Sharra enters with Tanner behind her holding the box.
Challenging Situation: Her apartment is trashed! Everything is broken! The family picture is smashed.
Conflict: Sharra finds the camera. Cries. Tanner gets angry at whoever did it.
Action: He comforts her. She grows suspicious of him. Kicks him out. He reluctantly leaves.
Finish: She calls Dash. She’ll take the job, but she must leave now. He arranges to meet her.
INT. Sharra’s apartment – Day
Sharra enters with Tanner behind her holding the box. Her apartment is trashed! Everything is broken! Tanner pushes her aside as he goes full alert, searches her apartment. All clear. She scoops up the family picture. The glass is shattered. She finds the camera and starts to cry. Tanner is angry and wants to find whoever did this to her. He takes the camera from Sharra as he wraps his arms around her. She accepts it for a moment, then grows suspicious. Kicks him out. He reluctantly leaves. She gets on her cell phone to Dash. She’ll take the job in Chicago but must leave now. He can make that happen.
INT. Jerad’s Living Room – Day
A battered Jerad answers his cell phone. He’s gone too far stabbing Sharra. It has pushed her right into ‘their’ arms. New plan: kidnap Sharra. Jerad agrees for a price and a promise: wants revenge for the beating.
ACT 5
EXT. Warehouse – Day
Sharra gets out of a taxi. It leaves. She enters the warehouse, nervous. Something feels off.
Start: Sharra moves in, calling for Dash. A voice answers her. It’s Jerad
Challenging Situation: Jerad grabs her from behind. Sharra struggles but can’t get free.
Conflict: Read shows up with six gunmen. Jerad drops Sharra and raises his arms.
Action: Sharra accuses Read of hiring Jerad. Read and Jerad both deny it. It confuses Sharra.
Finish: Sharra looks frantically for a way out. The men cock their guns.
INT. Warehouse – Day
Sharra moves in, calling for Dash. A voice answers her. It’s Jerad. Jerad grabs her from behind. Sharra struggles but can’t get free. The cocking of multiple guns stops Sharra. They both look up to find Read (He got a tip) with half a dozen gunmen all aimed at them. Jerad drops Sharra and raises his arms. Sharra accuses Read of hiring Jerad. Read and Jerad both deny it. It confuses Sharra. Sharra looks frantically for a way out. Read laughs.
EXT. Warehouse – Day
Tanner runs up. Then, stealth mode to the open door, and hears angry voices. Read wants the USB stick.
Start: Stubbornly, Sharra refuses.
Challenging Situation: Read turns furious.
Conflict: Read grabs a gun off a gunman and shoots Sharra.
Action: But Tanner, who has been sneaking closer, throws her to the ground. The bullet hits Jerad. He falls to the ground dead. Tanner, still in motion, rolls and takes down a gunman, confiscating his gun. He’s a trained fighter. It’s obvious as he skilfully shoots two more guys
Finish: But there are too many and he’s forced to put down the gun. Tanner puts Sharra behind him, acts as a shield. Police sirens grow louder outside.
INT. Warehouse – Continuous
Stubbornly, Sharra refuses. Read grabs a gun off a gunman and shoots Sharra. But Tanner, who has been sneaking closer, throws her to the ground. The bullet hits Jerad. He falls to the ground dead. Tanner, still in motion, rolls and takes down a gunman, confiscating his gun. He’s a trained fighter. It’s obvious as he skilfully shoots two more guys, But there are too many and he’s forced to put down the gun. Tanner puts Sharra behind him, acts as a shield. It looks hopeless. The faint sound of sirens comes from outside, growing closer.
EXT. Warehouse – Continuous
Three police cars pull up, lights flashing.
Start: Sharra starts laughing. Tanner thinks she’s gone hysterical.
Challenging Situation: Sharra tells Read it’s too late for him. He won’t go out alone.
Conflict: It looks hopeless.
Action: Tanner holds Sharra. Read thinks he’s trying to save her, a useless action. Tanner has Sharra close her eyes.
Finish: His eyes unfocus for a second, then focus and they disappear just as the police storm inside. Shocked, Read and his men stand like statues and are easily subdued.
INT. Warehouse – Continuous
Sharra starts laughing. Tanner thinks she’s gone hysterical. Sharra tells Read it’s too late for him. He won’t go out alone. It looks hopeless. Tanner holds Sharra. Read thinks he’s trying to save her, a useless action. Tanner has Sharra close her eyes. His eyes unfocus for a second, then focus and they disappear just as the police storm inside. Shocked, Read and his men stand like statues and are easily subdued.
Start: Faolan enters, drops the satchel on the bed next to evening clothes. He forgot. The dinner party.
Challenging Situation: He removes the Vault jacket and gasps in pain. The cloth bandage has fresh blood oozing through.
Conflict: Hobbs helps him get dressed. Though a certain lady will be present, Faolan is distracted.
Action: Hobbs leaves. Faolan opens the satchel, lifts out the Vault contract, and raises an eyebrow. Interesting.
Finish: The photo of Sharra is in his hand. His eyes soften. He likes her. He takes his Com-link and reads the email from Jerad’s computer and realizes it had come from a Vault agent.
INT. Faolan’s Bedroom – Night
Faolan enters, drops the satchel on the bed next to evening clothes. He forgot. The dinner party! Faolan pulls the servant’s cord. He removes the Vault jacket and gasps in pain. The cloth bandage has fresh blood oozing through. He starts to unwind it.
Later
Hobbs helps Faolan get dressed. Though a certain lady will be present, Faolan is distracted. Hobbs leaves. Faolan opens the satchel, lifts out the Vault contract, and raises an eyebrow. Interesting. The photo of Sharra is in his hand. His eyes soften. He likes her. He takes his Com-link and reads the email from Jerad’s computer and realizes it had come from a Vault agent.
INT. Shiftroom – Day
A flash of white and a glimpse of Tanner and Sharra. Then, they disappear, again.
Start: Tanner and Sharra reappear in front of the building.
Challenging Situation: Sharra is in shock, but Tanner has no time to soothe her as he drags her to the door.
Conflict: She accuses him of following her. He calls her a pain in the neck and magnet for trouble. Tanner is only with Sharra at Lazarus’ command, not by choice.
Action: Tanner drags Sharra to the front door.
Finish: Neither are happy.
EXT. Office Building – Front – Night
Tanner and Sharra reappear in the empty courtyard. Sharra is in shock, but Tanner doesn’t slow down as he drags her to the front door. She accuses him of following her. He calls her a pain in the neck and magnet for trouble. Tanner is only with Sharra at Lazarus’ command, not by choice. Neither are happy.
Start: Tanner and Sharra burst in. Tanner gives Lazarus a shortened briefing.
Challenging Situation: The only option: to take their offer.
Conflict: Lazarus gives her the option that if she is unhappy, she can go anywhere she wants after that. Sharra has nothing left.
Action: Forced to flee or be killed, she accepts the offer. Lazarus promises all will be revealed. She has to trust him.
Finish: He takes her hand. She thinks about destiny. They vanish.
INT. Executive Suite – Night
Tanner and Sharra burst in. Tanner gives Lazarus a shortened briefing. The only option: to take their offer. Lazarus gives her the option that if she is unhappy, she can go anywhere she wants after that. Sharra has nothing left. Forced to flee or be killed, she accepts the offer. Lazarus promises all will be revealed. She has to trust him. He takes her hand. She thinks about destiny. They vanish.
-
Jean’s Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is that laying out all my ideas in a beat sheet helps me see the pilot as a whole and it’s easier to see where things work and where they don’t, what I need to adjust and enhance.
Concept: A moralistic time-travel recruit learns to fix the past for the betterment of the future when she discovers she’s the catalyst to a paradox that will bring down the secret agency and she must bend her morals or die to save not only herself and the Vault but also the world.
Inciting Incident: Sharra has to flee or be killed and she leaves to join the mysterious Vault Agency.
A Story: Sharra’s recruitment/time travel missions
B Story: Sharra/Tanner/Faolan’s love triangle – J.D. Dash/Sharra
C Story: other relationships – Lazarus/Sharra Lazarus/Tanner Lazarus/Faolan
TEASER
EXT. Colonial Philadelphia Street – Day
A gangly teen Benjamin Franklin locks the printshop.
EXT. Narrow Alleyway – Continuous
Tanner dressed in Colonial wear spots Ben, his target. Ben leaves the shop whistling. Tanner goes to cross the street, gets stopped by buggies, loses track of Ben.
EXT. Street – Continuous
Two mean-looking men spy Ben’s full satchel – easy pickings – and drag Ben into a narrow alleyway to kill him.
EXT. Alleyway – Day
Tanner takes out both men. It’s not Ben’s day to die. Tanner quotes a saying by an older Ben and vanishes, leaving a confused Ben behind.
ACT 1
EXT. Manhattan Street – Day
Sharra, distracted, collides with Lazarus. He pickpockets her keys, dropping his pocket watch. He’s already moved on leaving Sharra holding the watch. Further down, Lazarus gives Tanner the keys and points out Sharra.
INT. Finance Office – Day
Sharra is at her desk, studying the watch. Notices the time. A staff meeting is called.
INT. Conference Room – Day
Sharra, expecting a promotion, gets overlooked. Again.
INT. Finance Office – Day
Sharra is on the computer, searching for a new career, something with adventure. J.D. Dash, a colleague, offers his condolences, notices the watch, recognizes the miniature inside, grows wary. Sharra notices, but Dash distracts her with offers to look around for another position for her.
INT. Sharra’s Apartment Living Room – Day
Tanner enters, snoops – family photo, a faded quilt, a few time-travel novels, plants – a lonely existence. He hides a camera bug behind the picture.
EXT. Financial Building – Day
Sharra sees Tanner and reacts – he’s hot – drops her things. Tanner helps her, slipping her keys back into her bag. He notices job applications, His company is looking for someone, gives her a Vault Agency business card. He’s the second person offering her a job. The logo is the same as Tanner’s tattoo. It shimmers. Sharra is drawn to it. Touches it. It zaps her. It’s weird.
INT. Sharra’s Apartment Living Room – Day
Sharra notices the photo is out of place, doesn’t see the bug. We see the photo – her parents, a younger her and her brother. It zaps her like the first time. It makes her curious. She googles Vault Agency, comes up with a website. Looks real. She dials the agency’s phone number.
INT. Faolan’s Townhouse – Night
It’s London 1825. Faolan walks in stiffly. He’s obviously in pain. He sends his concerned butler away.
INT. Faolan’s Bedroom – Night
Faolan reveals a stab wound in his side. The housekeeper arrives with water and bandages, Butler’s orders. He wraps his wound, then pulls out a black uniform, totally not 1825, hidden in the armoire. He looks grim, resigned. He turns the jacket and we see the Vault logo imprinted in silver on the chest and arm.
ACT 2
EXT. Manhattan – Office Building – Day
Sharra steps out of a taxi and heads to the door. Tanner, off to the side, Links to Lazarus. Target heading his way. He follows from a discreet distance.
INT. Office Building Reception Area – Day
Sharra asks for directions to the Vault Agency office. Tanner gets out of the elevator and stays back, watching.
INT. West Wing – Day
Sharra stops at Vault Agency’s door. She gets zapped by the card again. Blames it on static. She is nervous.
INT. Executive Suite – Day
Sharra recognizes Lazarus and gives him his watch. The interview is odd. Lazarus mentions Grayson. She flinches at the name. She hasn’t seen him in years. He promises adventure, interesting places and people, stimulating work, a place she can use her perfect memory ability to the fullest. She isn’t convinced it’s for her, yet agrees to take the weekend to think about it.
Tanner listens close by. When Sharra is gone, he agrees – she’s not a good candidate for a recruit. Tanner and Lazarus have a disagreement about her recruitment, Lazarus knows differently. Tanner leaves for the Vault.
INT. Financial Office – Day
Sharra, going through a client’s numbers, discovers her boss is embezzling millions. She makes a copy on a USB stick. Her boss is coming. It’s not finished. He stops to talk to one of her workmates. She closes the file just as the boss walks in, but doesn’t have time to remove the stick. She slides a piece of paper over it.
INT. Vault Main Corridor – Day
A distressed Tanner rushes to Cam. It’s Sharra. She’s hurt. They hear a hum through the wall. Someone has returned.
INT. Vault Chamber – Continuous
Faolan, wearing a Vault uniform, is pressed against the arch entrance, listening. The hum comes from behind him. Electrical – alive – alien. He peeks out. Spots Tanner and Cam. He slips out to the room across the corridor.
INT. Terminex – Continuous
Faolan steels a Com-Link from a duffle bag. Gets onto one of the futuristic stations and activates the screen. Works it like a pro – comes to Sharra’s file and gets the timeline and info he needs. He over-rides the Com-link. Ailbe, his personal com answers. New mission.
INT. Main Corridor – Continuous
All clear. Faolan hurries across and disappears through the marble archway. A strange hum returns, growing louder. A flash of light. Then darkness. The hum slows.
INT. Sharra’s apartment – Day
Sharra looks over the Vault contract. Something about it doesn’t seem right. She does a google search. Comes up with nothing. She looks at the USB stick and calls Dash, looking for some advice. Makes plans to meet.
INT. Restaurant – Day
Dash thinks it’s a date until Sharra confides in the embezzlement. When he hears she got a job offer by an agency, he’s quick to tell her he’s found a position outside the state for her. He’ll arrange everything. She is grateful but has to do one thing first.
EXT. Manhattan Battery Park – Seaglass Carousel – Night
Faolan magically appears. No one notices. Target 10 minutes away.
EXT. Manhattan – Office Building – Night
A mugger attacks Sharra, going for her satchel. She fights back and gets stabbed. She drops to her knees. He gives a message to desist and takes off.
ACT 3
EXT. Office Building – Side Courtyard – Night
Faolan runs from the back street, stops, then hears Sharra yelling.
EXT. Office Building – Front – Continuous
Sharra is up and stumbling after the mugger. Desperate – re: the contract.
EXT. Office Building – Side Courtyard – Night
Faolan takes down the mugger and drags him to the side just as Sharra appears. Only then does she notices she’s hurt. Faolan grows alarmed. Wants to go to her but holds back. She leaves. Faolan checks behind the mugger’s ear – no tattoo. Finds a note, someone hired him. He gets the mugger’s address from his license and takes off in a taxi with Sharra’s satchel.
EXT. Office Building – Front – Night
Still holding her side, Sharra picks up her discarded shoes, grimacing.
INT. Elevator – Night
Sharra opens her coat. So much blood! She makes an effort to calm down.
INT. Executive Suite – Night
Lazarus catches Sharra as she faints. He Links Tanner to bring Cam and a med-kit. A few seconds later, Tanner and Cam are there. Cam repairs Sharra while Tanner and Lazarus argue. Sharra’s handling of the mugging proves Tanner’s point – she’s not a good candidate. An angry Lazarus sends Tanner to go back in time to stop the mugging. Tanner wants to get a piece of this guy for hurting Sharra.
Later
Sharra wakes, frightened, convinced it was her boss’ doing. Lazarus keeps Sharra overnight in his office. She readily agrees using her trauma to stay, eying his computer. Lazarus steps out – take care of some things. Dash calls Sharra in concern. He says some things that he shouldn’t know but she doesn’t pick up on it. While alone, Sharra puts the USB stick in an envelope and addresses it, then sneaks into Lazarus’s computer, into her file. There is a section on her parents’ accident. Lazarus comes back, stopping Sharra from opening the file.
ACT 4
EXT. Office Building – Front – Night
Tanner shifts back right before the mugging. He watches it happen, too far away to stop it, distressing him. Tanner, in stealth mode, watches Sharra race after the mugger and then reappear. With the way clear, he heads to the side courtyard.
EXT. Back Street – Night
Tanner spots a man getting into a taxi. With his Com, he tracks the taxi.
EXT. Mugger’s House – Night
Faolan breaks in the back door.
INT. Mugger’s Living Room – Night
Faolan searches for clues. Hacks into the computer. Opens email. A car out front stops him from reading it. He quickly takes a photo, opens another, takes a photo. Then shuts down the computer. Pulls out a knife. He’s ready to kill the mugger but stops when he spots Tanner racing to the house. Faolan vanishes.
The mugger experiences the tail end of a shift – a reset of vacuum space – but he has no time to react because Tanner bursts in and goes ballistic on the mugger, finding out someone else was there before him, and took the satchel/contract. Tanner loses control and beats the mugger only stopping when the man is unconscious.
INT. Executive Suite – Night
Lazarus reads the note his future-self came back and left for him. The note states Sharra is crucial to fixing the Vault. His posture sags, he carries the weight of the world on his shoulder. Tanner comes back empty-handed and at a dead-end about the mugger. They argue over Sharra’s suitability. Lazarus sends a begrudging Tanner to watch over Sharra, keep her safe, and bring her in.
EXT. Graveyard – Day
Sharra visits her parents’ gravesite looking for advice, of course, gets none. Her brother has disappeared, too. She has no one but herself. Tanner is there, sees her loneliness and loss.
INT. Financial Office – Day
Sharra’s boss calls her into his office.
INT. Boss’s Office – Day
The boss knows that she knows about the money. Re: the missing file. She tries to deny it, but he backs her into a corner, threatens her – no one will believe her accusations. She quits. And storms out He gets on the phone and calls in a favor.
INT. Financial Office – Day
Sharra angrily empties her desk into a box. Dash tries to comfort her but she’s in no mood.
EXT. Financial Building – Day
Faolan waits out of sight for Sharra. Spots her stomping out of the building. He goes to speak to her but spots Tanner and slips back out of sight. He’s drawn to Sharra. Sharra becomes angrier to have Tanner as a bodyguard, but can’t get rid of him.
INT. Sharra’s Apartment – Day
She arrives home and finds her place totally trashed. Everything is broken. The picture is smashed. She finds the camera. She cries. Tanner gets angry at whoever did it. He comforts Sharra. She grows suspicious of Tanner. Makes Tanner leave. Sharra calls Dash, she can’t stay in her apartment. She’s ready to take up that job offer, but they must leave now. He arranges to meet her and gives her directions.
INT. Mugger’s Living Room – Day
The mugger gets a call that he’s gone too far stabbing Sharra. It has pushed her right into ‘their’ arms. New plan: kidnap Sharra. The mugger wants revenge for the beating. He’s promised the chance.
ACT 5
EXT. Warehouse – Day
Sharra gets out of a taxi. It leaves. She enters the warehouse, nervous.
INT. Warehouse – Day
Sharra calls for Dash. The battered mugger grabs Sharra, but Sharra’s boss shows up with a bunch of hitmen with guns (He got a tip) and takes control. Sharra accuses her boss of hiring the mugger which both deny.
EXT. Warehouse – Day
Tanner runs up. Then, stealth modes to the open door and hears angry voices. The boss wants the USB stick.
INT. Warehouse – Continuous
Stubbornly, Sharra refuses. When her boss learns the NYPD has the USB stick, (She mailed it to them.) he turns furious. Her boss shoots Sharra but Tanner who has been sneaking closer, throws her down, and the bullet hits the mugger instead, killing him. Tanner grabs the mugger’s gun and takes down two guys. He’s a trained fighter. But there are too many. Police sirens get closer.
EXT. Warehouse – Continuous
Police cars pull up.
INT. Warehouse – Continuous
Sharra and Tanner are surrounded, trapped. It looks hopeless. Tanner holds her, tells her to close her eyes and they disappear.
INT. Faolan’s Bedroom – Night
Faolan enters, drops the satchel on the bed next to evening clothes. The dinner party! He removes his Vault jacket. A cloth bandage is wrapped around his torso above his Vault pants. A tiny bit of blood has seeped through. He starts to undo it.
Later
Faolan’s butler helps him get ready. Faolan puts Sharra’s satchel away. He looks at the photo of Sharra. Then reads the email sent to the mugger and realizes it came from a Vault agent.
INT. Shiftroom – Day
A flash of white and a glimpse of Tanner and Sharra. Then, they disappear.
EXT. Office Building – Front – Night
Tanner and Sharra reappear outside the Vault Agency building. Sharra is in shock, but Tanner doesn’t slow down. She accuses him of following her. He calls her a pain in the neck and magnet for trouble. Tanner is only with Sharra at Lazarus’ command, not by choice.
INT. Executive Suite – Night
They burst in. Lazarus offers Sharra a trial basis, she can go anywhere she wants after that. Tanner gives her the family photo that he took from her apartment. She has nothing left. Forced to flee or be killed, she takes his offer. He promises all will be revealed. She has to trust him. She takes his hand. They vanish.
-
Jean’s Setting Up The Future
What I learned doing this assignment is that I was able to find several interesting events/character reveals/under-the-surface info that I could hint at, foreshadow, and create open loops and mystery without giving it all away.
2. Make a list of events/character reveals/under-the-surface info that COULD be set up in the pilot. Just use the obvious ones. You don’t need to create the entire season right now.
Sharra’s odd reaction/connection to the liquid metal pylons. It wants her.
Faolan and Sharra’s relationship.
Tanner and Faolan’s rivalry over Sharra.
Grayson is the one behind the attacks on Sharra.
Sharra craves family, to belong somewhere
The Vault is an alien entity.
Messing with time for a long time comes with a cost – mentally, emotionally, brain damage.
Faolan is the only other agent who knows that the Vault is a living being and that they are using it. That’s why he had a falling out with Lazarus.
Faolan is considered a rogue agent.
Sharra is destined to save the Vault.
3. Decide which you are going to include in the pilot.
4. Fill those into the Outline and tell us which ones you are going to use.
Sharra’s odd reaction/connection to the liquid metal pylons: When she is given the business card and touches the flowing silver logo, it lightly zaps her. The logo looks the same as the metal tattoos the Vault agents have behind their left ear. Sharra doesn’t notice them until the second episode.
Faolan and Sharra’s relationship: This is through Faolan. In the pilot, they don’t actually meet. However, when Faolan sneaks into the Vault complex, he gathers intel on Sharra. He takes a photo of her picture and looks at it longer than necessary. She means something to him. He also overhears a heated conversation between Tanner and Cam about Sharra being hurt. This will happen in a later episode. The series will show that time is fluid, not linear. This is one example.
Grayson is the one behind the attacks on Sharra: This one is harder to hint at. I hint at a sour relationship between Sharra and her brother during her interview and later at her parent’s gravesite. The only real clue will be on the email Faolan copied from the mugger’s computer. But it will be cryptic and only later will the watcher realize they were given the answer right from the start.
Sharra is destined to save the Vault: Lazarus recruits Sharra, someone with no qualifications because his future-self left a message for him to do so, stating that she is necessary to save the Vault. After the interview, Lazarus pulls out the note and reads that line.
Faolan is considered a rogue agent though Lazarus knows otherwise: When Faolan pulls out his Vault uniform for the first time, he looks resigned. He sneaks into the complex, avoiding being seen, steals a commlink device, and gathers info on Sharra from the computer system. After Sharra’s interview, the Wolf (Faolan’s nickname) is mentioned in passing and not in a good way.
-
Jean’s Adding Empathy/Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is that even though I had situations that created empathy and distress, I was able to find some more. When I changed them up, it made for more interesting scenes.
These are the areas I’ve added more distress/empathy:
Act 1:
I found Act 1 the most difficult section to add empathy and distress because it’s mostly normal life. However, I decided to move one of the main character’s introductions from Act 2 to Act 1. It got him involved right away, creating mystery in the first scene. He sneaks into Sharra’s apartment to hide a bug. We get to see through his actions/reactions that she is alone and moves around a lot.
When Sharra comes home she notices the only photo – of her parents and her when she was young – had been moved. She holds it like it’s very precious to her. At the same time, she realizes someone had been there.
Act 2:
Lazarus mentions Grayson, her brother, during her interview. She flinches. Something happened between her and Grayson and it wasn’t good.
Sharra discovers her boss has been embezzling millions of dollars. She makes a copy on a USB stick. Her boss is coming. It’s not finished. He stops to talk to one of her workmates. She closes the file just as the boss walks in, but doesn’t have time to remove the stick. She slides a piece of paper over it.
In the Vault, Faolan almost gets discovered by Tanner while searching the Vault computer system for information on Sharra.
Act 3:
While alone, Sharra puts the USB stick in an envelope and addresses it, then sneaks into Lazarus’s computer, into her file. There is a section on her parents’ accident. Lazarus comes in, stopping Sharra from opening the file.
Act 4:
Faolan breaks into the mugger’s house and hacks into his computer, but the mugger comes home. He prints off the last email and pulls out a knife, ready to kill, but sees Tanner running up and vanishes.
Sharra’s boss calls her into his office. He knows that she knows about the money. She tries to deny it, but he backs her into a corner, threatens her – no one will believe her accusations. She quits. He gets on the phone and calls in a favor.
She arrives home and finds her place totally trashed. Everything is broken. The picture is smashed. She cries. Tanner gets angry at whoever did it. He comforts Sharra. She grows suspicious of Tanner. Makes Tanner leave. Sharra calls Dash, she can’t stay in her apartment. She’s ready to take up that job offer, but they must leave now. He arranges to meet her and gives her directions.
Act 5:
Sharra gets out of a taxi in front of an abandoned warehouse. She calls for Dash. The battered mugger grabs Sharra, but Sharra’s boss shows up with a bunch of hitmen with guns (He got a tip) and takes control. Sharra accuses her boss of hiring the mugger which he adamantly denies. He wants the USB stick. Stubbornly she refuses. When her boss learns the NYPD has the USB stick, (She mailed it to them.) he turns furious. Her boss shoots Sharra but Tanner who has been sneaking closer, throws her down, and the bullet hits the mugger instead, killing him. Tanner grabs the mugger’s gun and takes down two guys. He’s a trained fighter. But there are too many. Police sirens get closer. Sharra and Tanner are surrounded, trapped. He tells her to close her eyes and they disappear.
A flash of white and a glimpse of Tanner and Sharra. Then, they disappear and reappear outside the Vault Agency building. Sharra is in shock, but Tanner doesn’t slow down. She accuses him of following her. He calls her a pain in the neck and magnet for trouble. Tanner is only with Sharra at Lazarus’ command, not by choice.
They burst into Lazarus’ office. Lazarus offers Sharra a trial basis, she can go anywhere she wants after that. Tanner gives her the family photo that he took from her apartment. She has nothing left. Forced to flee or be killed, she takes his offer.
-
Jean’s Open Loops and Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s important to have the main mystery, sub-mysteries, main open loop, and sup-open loops present throughout the outline.
Main Mystery: Who wants Sharra dead and why?
Sub-Mysteries:
What is Vault Agency?
Why is Sharra singled out by Lazarus?
Why does Faolan get involved?
What is it that makes future Lazarus go back and get present Lazarus to recruit Sharra?
What happened to Sharra’s parents?
How can they shift through time?
Why did Sharra’s brother abandon her?
What is it with the silver tattoo?
Why does Sharra react to the logo?
Main Open Loop: Will the Vault Agency uncover the rogue agent before he kills Sharra?
Sub-Open Loops:
Will Faolan and Sharra meet?
Will Tanner come to like Sharra?
Will they have a romantic relationship?
Will Sharra survive?
Will she become a Vault agent?
Will she discover the mystery behind her parents’ death?
How will Sharra fix Vault Agency?
How are Faolan and Sharra connected?
I’ve already built most of these into the outline. Act 1felt a bit sparse. So I’ve added a bit with Lazarus colliding with Sharra to pickpocket her keys. Then Tanner enters her apartment to hide a camera bug. Later in the day, he slips the keys back into her bag while giving her the Vault Agency business card and an invitation to apply.
-
Jean’s Stacks Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s good to be deliberate in laying out intrigue. Planning with the turning points in mind helped me make the outline more interesting.
I started with the turning point at the end of each act. Then I filled in areas that lead up to the turning point.
Act 1:
Intrigue: Lazarus studies Sharra without her
knowledge.Secret: Tanner has a metal tattoo behind his
left ear. It’s just like the logo on the business card.Deception: Lazarus collides with Sharra on
purpose.Conspiracy: Lazarus sent Tanner to intercept
Sharra.Secret Identity: Time travellers out to fix
the world.Hidden Agenda: Tanner, doing surveillance, is
there to help Sharra pick up her dropped things, gives her the card and the invitation to
call.Strange Behavior: At home, Sharra touches the logo.
It zaps her like the first time.Act 1 Turning Point: Curious, she makes a call
to Vault AgencyAct 2:
Intriguing World: Timer Travelers!
Intrigue: Sharra, going through a client’s numbers,
discovers her boss is embezzling money and makes a USB copy.Mystery: Why is Faolan gathering intel on
Sharra? How does he know her?Secret: Sharra has a USB stick with evidence against
her boss.Deception: Lazarus promises adventure,
interesting people and places, stimulating work but says nothing about it
being fixing timelines.Secret Identity: Faolan, in 1825, pulls out a
Vault uniform. He has the same tattoo.
Wound: Faolan looks resigned when pulling out
his Vault uniform.Hidden Agenda: Sharra confides in Dash about
something’s going on with her boss. He offers her a job elsewhere but not
because he’s concerned for her, but to steer her away from Vault Agency.Strange Behavior: Faolan sneaks into the Vault
and steals a comlink.Accusation: Tanner and Lazarus have a
disagreement about Sharra’s recruitment.Act 2 Turning Point: Sharra gets mugged/stabbed.
She thinks it’s her boss out to get her. But she still has the USB stick.Act 3:
Intriguing World: Tanner, at the Vault, is
called back to Sharra’s timeline – Sharra’s stabbed!Intrigue: Faolan takes out the mugger. Checks for
a tattoo – no tattoo. Faolan takes the satchel.Mystery: Faolan gets the mugger’s name and
address off his license and gets in a taxi.Secret: Sharra looks at the USB stick. She has
to do something with it.Deception: Dash calls Sharra in concern, she falls
for it. He says some things that he shouldn’t know but she doesn’t pick up
on it.Conspiracy: Sharra’s convinced the mugging was
set up by her boss.Secret Identity: Cam heals Sharra. His
behavior is off but not enough to put your finger on.Wound: Tanner wants a piece of the mugger for
hurting Sharra.Hidden Agenda: When Lazarus wants to keep
Sharra overnight, Sharra readily agrees using her trauma to stay, eying
his computer.Strange Behavior: Cam acts a bit unusual, with less
emotion than is normal.Accusation: The stabbing proves Tanner’s point
– Sharra’s not a fit for the agency. Lazarus tells him otherwise.Act 3 Turning Point: Lazarus sends Tanner back
in time to stop the mugging. Sharra puts the USB stick in an envelope and addresses it, then sneaks onto Lazarus’ computer, into her file, discovers a
section on her parents’ death.Act 4:
Intriguing World: Tanner shifts back to stop
the mugging but not soon enough.Intrigue: Lazarus reads the note his future-self
came back and left for him. The note states Sharra is crucial to fixing
the Vault.Mystery: The mugger experiences the tail end
of a shift but has no time to think about it because Tanner bursts in.Secret: Faolan is willing to kill the mugger
for no reason.Conspiracy: Lazarus sends Tanner to watch over
Sharra and to bring her in.
Secret Identity: Faolan picks the mugger’s house
locks.Wound: Tanner beats the mugger unconscious for
hurting Sharra. Sharra visits her parents’ gravesite for advice. Get’s none.Hidden Agenda: Lazarus reads the note his
future-self came back and left for him. The note states Sharra is crucial
to fixing the Vault.Hidden Layer: Faolan prints off an email from
the mugger’s computer.Strange Behavior: Faolan waits out of sight for
Sharra. Spots her leaving her work building He goes to speak to her but spots
Tanner and slips back out of sight. He’s drawn to Sharra.Act 4 Turning Point: The battered mugger gets
a call to kidnap Sharra. Faolan goes to interact with Sharra but Tanner
comes and he vanishes.Act 5:
Intrigue:Faolan is back in London. He changes
out of his Vault uniform into dress clothes for a dinner party he’s
hosting. He has the satchel and a photo of a smiling Sharra.Mystery: The boss didn’t hire the mugger. Then
who did?Secret: Earlier, Sharra had mailed the USB
stick to the NYPDDeception: Tanner is only with Sharra at
Lazarus’ command, not by choice.Conspiracy: Dash sets up Sharra’s boss to take
the fall for Sharra’s stabbing/mugging.Wound: Sharra brings bodyguard Tanner to her
home so she can pack a few belongings. He sees her meager personal effects.Hidden Agenda: Sharra calls Dash and lets him
know she’s leaving. He gives her directions on where to meet. Tanner
drives her to a warehouse. Knows something’s off.Hidden Layer: Faolan reads the email and
realizes there is a rogue agent.Accusation: Sharra accuses her boss of
hiring the mugger which he adamantly denies.Act 5: Turning Point: A showdown between the
mugger, Sharra’s boss, Tanner and Sharra. Sharra shifts with Lazarus to
the Vault and discovers it’s something otherworldly. -
Jean’s Layers and Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment is that with thought and careful planning I can incorporate layers cover-ups, and reveals into the outline before I even start writing. It will help make the script more interesting and engaging.
This is the list of the Layers, Cover-Ups, and Reveals I’ve added to the outline:
The Layer: The Vault Agency are time travelers
In the teaser, Tanner, in Colonial Philadelphia rescues Ben Franklin, then vanishes. We don’t see it happen. It’s implied.
Tanner, now in Sharra’s timeline, gives her a Vault business card in the beginning.
During Sharra’s interview, Lazarus explains the job without saying it involves time travel – adventure, interesting places and people, stimulating work, a place she can use her perfect memory ability to the fullest.
Faolan, from 1825, is now in the Vault’s main complex to gather intel on Sharra. He overhears Tanner and Cam discussing Sharra’s injuring from a mission. This is a future event.
Faolan reappears in Sharra’s timeline and takes down her mugger.
After the mugging, Lazarus sends Tanner back in time to stop the mugging from happening. He watches it happen, too far away to stop it, but goes after the mugger.
The Reveal: The watcher will figure it out without being told by this point.
The Layer:
In the teaser, we see a metal tattoo behind Tanner’s left ear.
The business card Tanner gives Sharra, the Vault Agency logo on it is the same design/metal as his tattoo.
Sharra has an odd reaction to the logo.
Faolan has the same tattoo.
When Faolan shifts into the Vault complex, we hear the pylons rotating and get a sense of the vastness of the vaulted room, but don’t yet see it.
Cam heals Sharra with future medical devices.
The Reveal: The final scene: Lazarus shifts Sharra to the main complex. She sees the nine pylons made of agrylium, the same metal as their tattoos. The place is futuristic/otherworldly.
The Layer:
Sharra gets mugged/stabbed. She thinks it’s her boss after her.
Faolan checks behind the mugger’s left ear – no tattoo.
Faolan hacks into the mugger’s home computer but the mugger comes outside. He prints off the last email and leaves
Sharra gets attacked outside her old office. Faolan saves her, checks behind their ears – no tattoo.
The Reveal: Back at his townhouse while getting ready for the dinner party, Faolan reads the email – the assailant is a Vault agent.
The Layer: Lazarus needs Sharra to save the Vault.
Tanner and Lazarus disagree about Sharra’s recruitment.
When Sharra gets stabbed, Tanner argues again with Lazarus. He leaves angry.
The Reveal: Lazarus pulls out the note his future-self came back and left. The note stakes she is crucial to fixing the Vault.
The Layer: Sharra is alone.
Sharra’s apartment is sparsely furnished. Only a few personal items around. One is a photo of her parents, her brother, and her when they were younger.
During Sharra’s interview, Lazarus mentions Grayson. Sharra hasn’t seen him in years. Probably dead.
Sharra visits her parents’ grave asking for advice, of course, getting none. Her brother, Grayson, is unreliable.
The Reveal: Sharra’s place is being watched. She’s almost killed by her boss and taken by the mugger. Sharra has no one, no place to go, and agrees to go with Tanner.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Sharon Scherle.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
-
Jean’s Character Story Lines
What I learned doing this assignment is that taking the main characters through each step helped me make sure that the conflicts and turning points are present and move the plot along.
SHARRA LANE
<div>
Beginning: Sharra is looked
over for a promotion. Dash offers to look around for her. At home, she searches
for a new career with adventure. She reacts oddly to the Vault logo.
Curious, she has the interview with Lazarus but is convinced the job isn’t
for her, yet agrees to take the weekend to think about it.
</div><div>Turning Point: She
discovers her boss is embezzling money and makes a USB stick. Sharra takes
up Dash’s job offer out of state. She goes to return the Vault contract.Midpoint: Sharra is
mugged/stabbed in front of the Vault office building – a message to desist. A
Vault medic miraculously heals her. Sharra snoops into her file and finds
information on her family.Turning Point 2: Sharra
visits her parents’ gravesite looking for advice. She does the right but
stupid thing and confronts her boss – he knows she knows – about the
money, the stabbing. He threatens her. She quits.Major Conflict: Sharra gets
attacked again, courtesy of her boss. Faolan saves her, warns her to take
the out-of-state job. She tries to go home, but her place is being
watched.Ending: Sharra agrees
to go with Lazarus after he promises information about her parents’ death.
He arranges for ‘movers’ to collect her things. Holding Lazarus’s hand,
they both vanish and reappear in a future place that surprises Sharra.</div>
LAZARUS MAITLAND
<div>
Beginning: Lazarus deliberately
collides with Sharra, drops his pocket watch. Plants a seed about her future.
Tanner to watch from a distance.
</div><div>Turning Point: Lazarus interviews
Sharra. Tanner listens in, he’s not convinced she’s a good candidate.
Lazarus knows differently.Midpoint: Sharra is stabbed
and the contract is stolen. Lazarus links Tanner to bring Cam who heals
Sharra with medical equipment from the future. Lazarus sends Tanner back
in time to stop the mugging. Lazarus keeps Sharra overnight in his office.Turning Point 2: Lazarus
catches Sharra snooping on his computer. He tries to convince her to go
with him right then. She still
refuses.Major Conflict: Lazarus
reads the note his future-self had left for him. Tanner comes back empty-handed and at a dead-end about the mugger. They argue over Sharra’s suitability.
Sends Tanner to keep an eye on Sharra.Ending: Sharra shows up
at Lazarus’s office. He convinces her to join the agency. She agrees. He
shifts her to the Vault.</div>
TANNER HOLMES
<div>
Beginning: Tanner saves Ben
Franklin from death. Checks in with Lazarus. New assignment – Sharra Lane.
She drops her things, he helps pick them up, learns she’s dissatisfied
with her job. He gives her the Vault business card.
</div><div>Turning Point: Tanner
listens in on the interview. He tries to dissuade Lazarus from pursuing
Sharra as a recruit. Tanner leaves for the Vault.Midpoint: Tanner is
called back to Sharra’s timeline and to bring Cam – Sharra’s stabbed!
Lazarus sends Tanner to stop the mugging. Tanner shifts back right before
the mugging but is too late to stop it. He races after the mugger only to
find him getting into a taxi. He gets the license plate number.Turning Point 2: Tanner
gets to the mugger’s home, finds out someone else was there before him and
took the contract. Tanner beats the crap out of him for hurting a woman.Major Conflict: He goes back
to Lazarus with the news. They argue over her suitability. Lazarus sends a
begrudging Tanner to watch over Sharra. Watches her at the gravesite and
sees her loneliness.Ending: Tanner finishes
a fight with the goons sent by Sharra’s boss. He takes her to Lazarus to
keep her safe, still not convinced she’s Vault material. Lazarus gives him
the job to get her things. He watches them vanish.</div>
FAOLAN
<div>
Beginning: It’s London 1825.
Faolan is hurt. He sends his butler away and attends a stab wound in his
side. He pulls out a Vault uniform. He’s not happy.
</div><div>Turning Point: Faolan shifts
into the Vault, sneaks to the terminus and onto the computer. He gets Sharra
Lane’s recruitment information – place and date and leaves.Midpoint: He shifts into
Manhattan and jogs to the Vault office. He gets there to hear Sharra
screaming. He takes down the mugger. There’s a note on the mugger, someone
hired him. Faolan gets the mugger’s address from his license and takes off
in a taxi with the Vault contract.Turning Point 2: Faolan
breaks into the mugger’s house and hacks into his computer, getting the name
J.D. Dash. The mugger is there. Faolan shifts out.Major Conflict: Faolan is back,
drawn to Sharra. Catches her boss’s goons assaulting Sharra and comes to
the rescue. Takes them out. Warns Sharra away from the Vault Agency. Spots
Tanner and vanishes.Ending: Faolan is back in
London, for a dinner party. He changes out of his vault uniformTeaser:
Essence: Tanner saves a young Ben Franklin from certain death. Checks in with Lazarus. New assignment – Sharra Lane.
Turning Point: Tanner vanishes into thin air.
Act 1:
Essence: Sharra collides with Lazarus, he loses his pocket watch which Sharra finds. Sharra gets passed over for a promotion. She searches for a new career, something more adventurous. Dash offers to look around for her.
Turning Point: Sharra drops her things. Tanner helps her pick them up, learns she’s dissatisfied with her job. He gives her the Vault business card. She has an odd reaction to the logo. It’s weird. It makes her curious.
Act 2:
Essence: It’s London 1825. Faolan is hurt. He sends his butler away and attends a stab wound in his side. He pulls out a Vault uniform. He’s not happy. Sharra has an odd interview with Lazarus, isn’t convinced it’s for her, yet agrees to take the weekend to think about it. Tanner listens close by, later, he agrees – she’s not a good candidate for a recruit. Lazarus knows differently. Tanner leaves for the Vault. Faolan, a man from 1825, puts on a Vault uniform and vanishes to reappear at Vault headquarters to gather information on Sharra. Sharra discovers her boss is embezzling money and makes a USB copy.
Turning Point/Midpoint: Faolan shifts into the Vault, sneaks to the terminus and onto the computer. He gets Sharra Lane’s recruitment information – place and date and leaves. Sharra researches Vault Agency. Comes up with nothing. Dash meets Sharra. He’s found a position outside the state for her. She goes to return the Vault Agency contract. Sharra is mugged/stabbed in front of the Vault office building – a message to desist, her satchel with the contract gets stolen.
Act 3:
Essence: Faolan shifts into Manhattan and jogs to the Vault office. He gets there to hear Sharra screaming. He takes down the mugger. Sharra makes it to Lazarus’s office. Tanner is called back to Sharra’s timeline and to bring Cam – Sharra’s stabbed! There’s a note on the mugger, someone hired him. Faolan gets the mugger’s address from his license and takes off in a taxi with the Vault contract. Cam heals Sharra with medical equipment from the future. Lazarus sends Tanner back in time to stop the mugging. Lazarus keeps Sharra overnight in his office.
Turning Point: While alone, Sharra sneaks onto Lazarus’s computer, into her file. Lazarus comes in, stopping Sharra just as she discovers a section on her parents’ death. Embarrassed, she makes an excuse and leaves. Faolan breaks into the mugger’s house and hacks into his computer, geting the name J.D. Dash. The mugger is there. Faolan shifts out. Tanner gets to the mugger’s home, finds out someone else was there before him and took the contract. Tanner beats the crap out of him for hurting a woman.
Act 4:
Essence: Faolan, another rogue agent, secretly starts to investigate. Tanner shifts back right before the mugging but is too late to stop it. He races after the mugger only to find him getting into a taxi. It’s Faolan but Tanner can’t see. Tanner gets the license plate number.
.Lazarus reads the note his future-self had left for him. Tanner comes back empty-handed and at a dead-end about the mugger. They argue over Sharra’s suitability. Lazarus sends a begrudging Tanner to watch over Sharra. Tanner is there, sees her loneliness and loss. Sharra visits her parents’ gravesite looking for advice. She does the right but stupid thing and confronts her boss – he knows she knows – about the money, the stabbing. He threatens her. She quits.
Turning Point: Sharra gets attacked again, courtesy of her boss. Faolan is back, drawn to Sharra. Catches her boss’s goons assaulting Sharra and comes to the rescue. Takes them out. Warns Sharra away from the Vault Agency. Spots Tanner and vanishes. Tanner finishes the job.
Act 5:
Essence: She tries to go home with Tanner, but her place is being watched. Forced to flee or be killed, Sharra agrees to go with Tanner to Lazarus. Faolan is back in London. He changes out of his vault uniform into dress clothes for a dinner party he’s hosting. He has the satchel and a photo of a smiling Sharra.
Tanner and Sharra agree for the first time – still not convinced she’s Vault material. Lazarus offers a trial basis, she can go anywhere she wants after that. Lazarus gives Tanner the job of packing her things. Sharra gives him a key.
Lock-in: Running from an unknown assailant, Sharra vanishes with Lazarus and reappears in a future otherworldly place that surprises Sharra.
</div>
-
Jean’s Pilot Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is that having specific goals for each act helped me develop a more interesting plot structure, to make sure the important turning points and reveals are present.
Teaser:
Essence: Tanner saves a young Ben Franklin from certain death.
Turning Point: Tanner vanishes into thin air.
Act 1:
Essence: Sharra collides with Lazarus, he loses his pocket watch which Sharra finds. Sharra gets passed over for a promotion. She looks for a new job, something more adventurous. Dash offers her a position with his office but she’s not sure.
Turning Point: Tanner gives Sharra Vault Agency’s business card.
Act 2:
Essence: Sharra has an odd interview with Lazarus. She visits her parents’ gravesite looking for advice. Tanner watches close by. Faolan, a man from 1825, puts on a Vault uniform and vanishes to reappear at Vault headquarters to gather information on Sharra.
Turning Point/Midpoint: Sharra discovers her boss is embezzling money. Her boss threatens her.
Act 3:
Essence: Sharra researches Vault Agency. Comes up with nothing. Dash meets Sharra. He’s found a position outside the state for her. She goes to return the Vault Agency contract.
Turning Point: Sharra is mugged/stabbed by a Vault agent! Lazarus miraculously heals Sharra.
Act 4:
Essence: Faolan, another rogue agent, secretly starts to investigate. Tanner is sent back in time to stop the mugging, but Faolan is one step ahead of him. Sharra, thinking it’s her boss, stands up to him. Her boss sends goons to kill Sharra.
Turning Point: Faolan saves Sharra.
Act 5:
Essence: Forced to flee or be killed, Sharra agrees to go with Lazarus. Tanner packs a few of her belongings, seeing evidence of her loneliness and admiring her tenaciousness.
Lock-in: Running from an unknown assailant, Sharra, with the promise of information about her parents’ death, vanishes with Lazarus and reappears in a future otherworldly place.
-
Jean’s Amazing Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is my documents are truly living documents. To make the pilot intriguing, I’ve had to step up my game and add more distress to make the midpoint a no going back situation. Also, I am bringing a part of episode 2 forward to make the ending a powerful twist.
Intriguing Concept: A moralistic time-travel recruit learns to fix the past for the betterment of the future when she discovers she’s the catalyst to a paradox that will bring down the secret agency and she must bend her morals or die to save not only herself and the Vault, but also the world.
Act 1: Sharra gets looked over for a promotion, again. She’s bored and longs for adventure. She works to prove her competence and in doing so discovers her boss is embezzling millions. Tanner purposefully interferes in her life as part of the Vault Agency recruitment process. There are things about him and the agency that she finds odd.
Midpoint: Sharra realizes she’s no longer safe and must flee NYC. Sharra’s assailant is a rogue Vault agent, sending Tanner back in time to stop him. But it fails.
Lock-In: Accused of murder and running from an unknown assailant, Sharra, with the promise of information about her parents’ death, vanishes with Lazarus and reappears in a future otherworldly place. It’s the adventure she’s been looking for, and she’s ready for it.
-
Jean’s Big Picture Components
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s important to lay down a foundation starting with the big picture. The details can come later.
SERIES INFO:
<div>
World: the dangerous world of tampering with the
past for a covert time travel agency
</div><div>Main mystery: the true nature of the entity behind
Vault Agency and Sharra’s connection to it.Impossible Goal: discover Sharra’s nemesis and
stop him from killing her and destroying Vault Agency.Main Conflict: He’s a rogue agent who wants to
destroy the agency. She’s naive and inexperienced loner who is destined to
save the agency.Second Mystery: How is Sharra going to accomplish
this when she knows nothing and no one knows who the rogue agent is.Season 1 Arc: from fleeing her assailant to
taking him out while navigating the uncharted waters to becoming a competent
agent.Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: from an
inexperienced nobody to an independent and strong agent</div>
PILOT INFO:
<div>
Pilot Conflict: Sharra’s boss tries to silence
her and she needs to disappear quickly
</div><div>Characters Introduced: Sharra, Lazarus,
Tanner, Faolan, Dash
Inciting Incident ofSeason 1: Sharra must join
Vault Agency to get away and solve the mystery behind her parents’ death.</div>
-
Jean’s Visually Appealing Bible
What I learned doing this assignment is that finding artwork that fits takes a lot more time than I expected. Once I found some sites that worked, it became a little bit easier. Adding the pictures to the document took more time and a bit of fiddling. Also, finding pictures to fit the tone wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. However, I had some artwork from one of my books that fit and I put them in and it looks more professional.
-
Jean’s Edited TV Pitch Bible
What I learned doing this assignment is that having specific lists to work with helped make the job of editing my pitch bible goal-oriented. I went through my document with each step one at a time. Concentrating on the one edit step kept me concentrating on fixing one item and it made a difference to the overall bible, especially when I’m reading it over and over again and can’t see the problems anymore. This process took longer than I expected but taking the extra here is very important – to get it right.
-
Jean’s Episode Titles
What I learned doing this assignment is that brainstorming helps to come up with ideas for titles. It’s a great starting point. I want to think on these further to see if I come with anything else more interesting.
Episode 1: The Recruit
Episode 2: It’s In The Details
Episode 3: My Kind of Heroin
Episode 4: A Wolf In The House
Episode 5: Three Times Dead
Episode 6: Family That Binds Us
Episode 7: The Ripple Effect
Episode 8: The Vault
Episode 1:
Conflict: The
Recruit
Journey: Into The Unknown
Dilemma: Flee Or Be Killed
Issue faced: The Reluctant Recruit
Irony: An Accountant Secret Agent?
Hero’s challenging situation: The Choice
Threat to hero: Under Fire
Discovery: Predestined for Greatness
Metaphor: A Diamond in the RoughEpisode 2:
Conflict:
Journey: Training 101
Dilemma: Off The Beaten Path
Issue faced: Reoccurring Phantom
Irony: The Unorthodox Familiar
Hero’s challenging situation:
Threat to hero: Enter the Unknown
Discovery: It’s
In The Details
Metaphor: A Diamond in the RoughEpisode 3:
<div>
Conflict: Fault in
Journey: The Training Mission
Dilemma: Crossroad
Issue faced: Trapped In 1825
Irony: A Broken Fix
Hero’s challenging situation: A Twist on
Reality
Threat to hero: A spoke In The Wheel Of
1825
Discovery: My
Kind of Heroin
Metaphor:
The Time Rush
</div><div>Episode 4:
Conflict:
Journey: The Vault
Dilemma:
Issue faced: Temptation Valley
Irony: My Alive Dead Family
Hero’s challenging situation: A Double
Dose of Agrylium
Threat to hero:
Discovery: A Wolf in the House
Metaphor: A Splinter in TimeEpisode 5:
Conflict:
Journey: Rewind
Dilemma: The Dead Stay Dead
Issue faced: Crossing Boundaries
Irony: Three Times Dead
Hero’s challenging situation: Saving The
Dead
Threat to hero:
Discovery: All Roads Lead To A Funeral
Metaphor: Rewire
</div><div>Episode 6:
Conflict: Family Interference
Journey: Family That Binds Us
Dilemma:
Issue faced: Temptation
Alley
Irony: Blood Ties
Hero’s challenging situation:
Threat to hero:
Discovery:
Metaphor:Episode 7:
Conflict:
Journey:
Dilemma:
Issue faced: The Ripple Effect
Irony: My Alive Dead Mother
Hero’s challenging situation:
Threat to hero:
Discovery:
Metaphor: Rewire The PastEpisode 8:
Conflict:
Journey: The Vault
Dilemma: Bird Trap
Issue faced: Kill or Be Killed
Irony: Lose To Win
Hero’s challenging situation: Pieces Of
The Mind
Threat to hero:
Discovery: The Agent
Metaphor: The Fall</div>
-
Jean Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that there is always room for improvement. I found several areas that were bland and was able to elevate them using this process.
2. Check the Setups/Payoffs and brainstorm possible replacement lines.
I had written several setups/payoff paragraphs but saw room for improvement. This is one example where I ended with an open loop.
However, there’s more to Sharra than meets the eye and her odd connection with the internal workings of the Vault proves it. Backed up by a team of seasoned agents, she forces the rogue agent back to the Vault to fight it out. She saves the agency and learns that the Vault is more than a machine. She’s finally found a place where she belongs. But behind the rogue agent is a puppet-master and he’s not finished with Sharra.
3. Rewrite any parts you feel could be improved.
I didn’t keep track of which parts I’d rewritten. The before and afters. Here are a few samples.
a. For Lazarus’ first character description paragraph, it was too wordy, so I picked out what were the most intriguing parts about him and his role in the show.
Lazarus Maitland
Methodical, ruthless, and powerful, Lazarus is the Vault Agency’s Head Director, a man carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Behind his sharp eyes is an old soul and there’s a reason for that. His origins: a British Earl from the 1700s. But he’s much older than that. He’s the longest living human in existence thanks to the agrylium metal infused into his brain.
b. My first two attempts at this sentence were clunky and didn’t deliver the setup/payoff. The sentence below is punchier and leaves lots of questions.
It should be someone with experience and expertise that gets picked for the job, but Lazarus’ recruitment of Sharra is predestined, and the note from his future self is the proof.
c. Episode 5 became a total rewrite. My first pass was just some thoughts of what I thought the episode could be about. But then I had a breakthrough and this is what I came up with. The show is about time travel and there are rules
Episode 5:
Sharra’s first solo mission to Middleton, PA 1954 hits close to home when she has to help her target through the death and funeral of her late husband. Sharra relives her own experience of losing her parents and It tears her heart. Sharra shifts a few days back to stop the car accident that kills the man but her attempt is futile. She tries again, going earlier and sabotaging his car, but he gets killed walking. She tries again, going back further, maneuvering the now newlyweds to buy a house in another town. Sharra shifts back to the Vault only to learn the man still dies on the same date, and she realizes she must complete the original mission as planned.
In each of those timelines, J.D. Dash is there, one step ahead of Sharra. He is the one in the other car who kills the husband. He is the one in the new town who tampers with the brakes of the husband’s car that gets him killed on the mountain road.
Dash infiltrates the funeral. Sharra knows because she hears his devious thoughts directed at her. Sharra links to Tanner, calling for backup, and then delivers the gift, a timepiece, to the widow with a speech not to give up, and goes upstairs to shift in private. But Dash, in a mask, pounces and strangles Sharra. Tanner saves Sharra but Dash shifts into time. It’s then that Tanner realizes Faolan isn’t the rogue agent.
4. Tell us what this has done for your TV Pitch Bible.
Every time I find a way to make a sentence, a paragraph, a section more intriguing, elevates the document as a whole. I will keep looking for ways to make more improvements.
-
Jean’s Intrigue Patterns
What I learned doing this assignment is that going through the process with one sentence, I was able to elevate it. In fact, I had a few choices. I am going to go through my pitch bible and put other sentences through this process.
1. Pull out your TV Pitch Bible. Read through it and find ONE line you would like to be more intriguing.
With a crooked ex-boss on one side and a mysterious organization on the other, Sharra must brave the unknown to survive.
The first step is when Lazarus takes her hand and they both vanish.
2. Rethink that line using ALL of these patterns, as I did above:
A. Establish something shocking and point to
the terrible things it could mean.All Sharra wants to do is escape her crooked ex-boss and so she agrees to join Vault Agency. But making that choice may have caused her parents’ death in the past.
B. Strong statement; question about something
underhanded beneath the surface.Sharra’s timeline is about to change and Lazarus is behind it. It starts when Lazarus takes Sharra’s hand and they both vanish.
C. Question that points to hidden agendas,
hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.All Sharra wants to do is escape her crooked ex-boss and so she agrees to join Vault Agency. But is there something more than an angry boss she’s running from? And why does Lazarus want her so badly?
D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering
that Character 2 has done _____________.Sharra is worried that she’s made the wrong choice, especially when Lazarus has her meet him alone in an empty warehouse. And when he takes her hand and moves in close, she knows, but it’s too late. They both vanish into thin air.
E. But maybe it is all wrong.
All Sharra wants to do is escape her crooked ex-boss. But something sits wrong with Vault Agency. Sharra is sure she’s seen Tanner before when she was a girl. But that can’t be right.
F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences
Lazarus Maitland is a man of sophistication and power. But where is the proof that what he says is the truth?
G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.
Just because Vault Agency looks legitimate, doesn’t mean there isn’t something clandestine about its nature.
H. State the mystery.
Why does a no-body accountant get chosen to join an elite secret agency? And where do Lazarus and Sharra vanish to?
I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even
worse.It should be someone else with experience and expertise that gets recruited, but Lazarus’ choice of Sharra is not a choice of free will. It is predestined, and the note in from his future self is the proof.
J. Intense language.
A close call with death forces Sharra to make the only logical choice left – join Vault Agency and escape NYC. But that escape is more than Sharra bargains for when Lazarus takes her hand and they both vanish into thin air.
-
Jean’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation
What I learned doing this assignment is that there is always more to discover. I wasn’t sure what it would be or where the ideas would come from. But I let it stew around when I got stuck and came up with some cool ideas I can now use.
2. Investigate by picking situations and characters and asking:
Tool 1: Dig: What’s beneath that?
Memory block: Used on Faolan to forget that he’s responsible for his clan’s death. He asked for it though Lazarus protested. Since then, Faolan lives without a past and thus no attachments.
Her photographic memory spots the clues in the maps that her mission is not of this time but of London of 1825.
The Vault facilities has room for hundred more agents and is now a ghost town.
Tool 2: Extrapolate: If __________, then ____________.
Sharra’s co-worker at the firm is actually J.D. Dash on a recon mission to stop her from first contact with Vault agency but actually causes it. Jeremy is a guy he met at a bar.
Tool 3: Wonder: What if ______________?
The assimilation chamber is tampered with, reprogrammed by J.D. Dash. Set to kill Sharra. The second dose of agrylium sets off the alarm, warning others of the problem and saving Sharra.
What if Sharra does create a time ripple and an agent gets killed during it?
What if to stop the paradox, the Vault has to die but before they can do that, they have to fix whatever tragedy that had originally made them join the Vault, to begin with.
What if when they do the big reset, Grayson, who is the cause of Sharra’s downward spiral gets committed to a mental institute because he has visions about the Vault and all that has happened.
What if the entity has seen the whole story play out and plays it back to Sharra when she enters a pylon.
What if the entity calls Grayson into the Vault, though he thinks it’s by chance, to spur on its cause.
Tool 4: Backtrack: How could ______________ have happened?
How did Grayson get assimilated without anyone at the agency knowing? Just like with Sharra, the entity is behind it. It wants both there for its own purpose.
How was the Vault created? Lazarus found a piece of agrylium buried on his property(put there by himself in the future) and it connected him to the entity. He is shown his timeline where he will be killed by his uncle or another timeline where he becomes the Head Director of Vault Agency and all that entails. He chose to live.
How can Lazarus’ coverup be revealed? Agents start going crazy(brain shift) and Lazarus has to come clean to explain the phenomenon.
Tool 5: Forecast: How could this get even worse?
Every time Sharra saves someone, someone else gets hurt or killed.
Every time Sharra tries to fix her mistake, she makes it worse.
Sharra has to fight against the brain shift craziness and make the ultimate sacrifice, her life, to end the entity.
3. Evaluate the possibilities and decide what you are going to use in the different parts of your TV Pitch Bible. Divide the answers into three categories:
Use in TV Pitch Bible.
Her photographic memory spots the clues in the maps that her mission is not of this time but of London of 1825.
Sharra has to fight against the brain shift craziness and make the ultimate sacrifice, her life, to end the entity.
What if to stop the paradox, the Vault has to die but before they can do that, they have to fix whatever tragedy that had originally made them join the Vault, to begin with.
Use in Episodes.
Sharra’s co-worker at the firm is actually J.D. Dash on a recon mission to stop her from first contact with Vault agency but actually causes it. Jeremy is a guy he met at a bar.
Memory block: Used on Faolan to forget that he’s responsible for his clan’s death. He asked for it though Lazarus protested. Since then, Faolan lives without a past and thus no attachments.
The assimilation chamber is tampered with, reprogrammed by J.D. Dash. Set to kill Sharra. The second dose of agrylium sets off the alarm, warning others of the problem and saving Sharra.
What if when they do the big reset, Grayson, who is the cause of Sharra’s downward spiral gets committed to a mental institute because he has visions about the Vault and all that has happened.
What if the entity has seen the whole story play out and plays it back to Sharra when she enters a pylon.
What if the entity calls Grayson into the Vault, though he thinks it’s by chance, to spur on its cause.
How did Grayson get assimilated without anyone at the agency knowing? Just like with Sharra, the entity is behind it. It wants both there for its own purpose.
How was the Vault created? Lazarus found a piece of agrylium buried on his property(put there by himself in the future) and it connected him to the entity. He is shown his timeline where he will be killed by his uncle or another timeline where he becomes the Head Director of Vault Agency and all that entails. He chose to live.
How can Lazarus’ coverup be revealed? Agents start going crazy(brain shift) and Lazarus has to come clean to explain the phenomenon.
What if the entity calls Grayson into the Vault, though he thinks it’s by chance, to spur on its cause.
4. For any parts where there is a substantial improvement, rewrite those parts of the TV Pitch Bible. Then, tell us what parts you changed and give a quick description of what you did.
Episode 2:
Sharra gets her first mission assignment as a courier in London. Her photographic memory spots the discrepancies in the map and she figures it out. Not to London of now, but to 1825. She’s going to ‘fix’ time! Vault agents are time travelers!
Episode 6:
Tanner takes Sharra to his own timeline to his mother and sister’s
gravestones, to what he can’t change. Sharra lies about tampering with her past
family.Episode 8:
Together, they fix the ripple, freeing the stuck agents from harrowing situations, but Grayson witnesses them shifting out and he realizes who she is – a future Sharra. When Sharra is back at the Vault, she learns that agents had died and she caused it.
Season 4: I’ve added a few ideas together at the end:
Grayson forces Sharra into the pylons in a fit of madness. She takes him with her but it kills him. But not Sharra. Inside the pylon, she discovers the true nature of the lifeforce and that it needs to ‘feed’ off electromagnet energy to survive. It chose her from all of time to help it.
In season 5:
Mess with time too long and it will eventually mess with you. Agents start going crazy(brain shift) and Sharra makes the connection between the entity and the agrylium in their heads. Lazarus has to come clean to explain the phenomenon.
Lazarus discovers that Sharra has unwittily set off a paradox that will
wipe them all out.Sharra has to fight against the brain shift craziness and make the ultimate sacrifice, her life, to end the entity and finishing the reset.
-
Module 2 Lesson 6
Jean’s Show Summary
What I learned doing this assignment is that breaking down the parts of the episode help me put together a more interesting summary that’s not like a book report. I’m happy with the first draft and am looking forward to elevating it.
1. Choose the Summary Format you like best.
Pilot as Inciting Incident
2. Create an outline using this structure or something similar:
<div>
Set up — Character’s normal situation: Sharra,
an accountant with a photographic memory, is unlawfully fired for exposing
her crooked boss as a fraud.
</div><div>Twist/Hook: A strange job invitation by
Vault Agency that will take her away. Tanner, one of the agents was just
in Colonial Philadelphia and nReal situation – Major Empathy / Distress: Sharra
gets hassled by a goon of her crooked boss. She’s alone. Then she’s mugged
and warned to stay away from Vault Agency.Twist/Hook: Faolan, a rogue agent hiding
in 1825 London, has an unknown interest in Sharra and gets involved
investigating her mugging only to realize it’s a Vault agent behind it.
Impossible to solve conflict or major mystery:
The mugging isn’t her former boss’s doing. Tanner and Faolan are both seen
in setting from the past and then in Sharra’s time.Final Hook into the Series – Extreme Dramatic
Question: What is
Vault Agency? Who within its ranks wants her dead and why. What secrets is
Lazarus not telling Sharra?3. Turn it into a rough draft.
Sharra Lane is an accountant with perfect memory. It’s a gift and a curse. Like now, when she discovers her boss is embezzling money and she confronts him. Threats don’t scare her. But the thug sent to roughen her up does. She needs to escape but has no one. Or so she thinks.
Someone is watching her. It’s Tanner, a man from Colonial Philadelphia now dressed as a government agent.
Tanner gives Sharra a business card and an invitation to interview for a position with Vault Agency. She touches the logo and feels a small electrical charge. It’s weird. So is the recruitment interview with Lazarus Maitland, the Head Director. She has three days to decide. Lazarus has a note addressed to himself saying it’s essential Sharra is recruited but it comes with consequences. It’s signed with his own name.
Sharra researches Vault Agency and comes up with nothing. They don’t exist.
It’s day three. A letter arrives; she is being sued by her old boss. That, and a mugging gone bad sees Sharra back at Lazarus’ office being cared for by a Vault doctor while Tanner is sent after the stolen contract.
Meanwhile, Faolan, a rogue agent hiding in 1825 London, for unknown reasons, returns to the Vault to gather intel on Sharra. It sends him to the Vault office building in NYC where he recovers the contract from the thug, and with the man’s driver’s license, breaks into his home and discovers the attacks on Sharra are coming from someone inside the agency.
With a crooked boss on one side and a mysterious agency on the other, Sharra must brave the unknown to survive. And the first step is when Lazarus takes her hand and they both vanish.
What is Vault Agency? Who within its ranks wants her dead and why. What secrets is Lazarus not telling Sharra?
4. Return to your Binge-Worthy Framework and add any of the key Binge-Worthy components that will elevate the intrigue while working for the flow of the summary.
Engaging and Intriguing Character: Sharra with
perfect memory, Faolan a rogue agent, Tanner a Vault agent, Lazarus the
Head Director
Intriguing World: the secret world of time
travel – The Vault
</div><div>Empathy/Distress: mugged, stabbed, alone, needs
to flee NYC Undeserved
misfortune. Death of Sharra’s parents, abandonment by her brother, corrupt
boss threatening her life.Mystery: Sharra’s attacked and a man from 1825 shows up to
investigateWhy do they want to recruit Sharra?
Why is someone trying to stop her?
Layers: Vault Agency is a time travel agency that fixes the
past to make the future better.Lazarus recruits Sharra because his future self contacted him that she will fix the Vault.
Open Loops: Will Sharra’s assailant succeed in
stopping/killing her?
</div><div>Conflict: Keeping the time travel a
secret from Sharra and others of her timeline
Sharra thinks her boss is trying to hurt her,
but it’s not coming from him.Relationship Hooks: Sharra and Lazarus
both understand loyalty and the greater good over their own needs.Irony: Faolan wants to stay away from the
agency but his chance meeting with Sharra in the past, hooks him back into
the drama that made him leave in the first place. Sharra’s recruitment to the Vault is supposed to solve its problem when actually she is the creation of the problem, creating a time loop.</div>
-
Jean’s Episode Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is although I was worried about how I was going to create the eight episodes for my show. But following the steps, one at a time, helped me to come up with ideas. They may be rough, but it gives me a starting point that I can improve later.
2. For each episode, go through the event bullet points.
Episode 1: Sharra takes up the offer to join Vault Agency.
Hook/Intrigue: Tanner saves Ben Franklin and then, vanishes. Faolan, a gentleman from the 1800s, pulls out a Vault uniform from his bedroom armor.
Main Character journey: Sharra has to face leaving everything behind to feel safe. A future Faolan comes out of hiding to investigate Sharra’s attacks, both present and future, risking exposure.
Major Challenge/Conflict: To escape her crooked boss, Sharra must escape NYC and takes the position offered by Vault Agency. Tanner and Lazarus must get Sharra to agree to join Vault Agency
Action/Reaction: Sharra signs the contract and is mugged, fears for her life, and takes the Vault recruit position to escape her old boss.
Cliffhanger: Sharra meets Lazarus in an empty warehouse where he takes her hand and they vanish.
Episode 2: Sharra learns the true nature of the job
Hook/Intrigue: Sharra and Lazarus reappear in a futuristic training facility. The pylons react to her presence. It’s weird.
Main Character journey: Sharra goes from ignorant, untrained, to aware and ready for her first mission into the past led by Tanner.
Major Challenge/Conflict: For Sharra – to keep with the program and not screw up. Uncharted territory. For Faolan – to stay under the agency’s radar while trying to get close to Sharra and whoever is following her.
Action/Reaction: Sharra does everything: medical exam including electromagnetic mapping, physical training, and Vault lesson programs but Sharra knows something is off and snoops for clues, getting into trouble in the simulator and with Tanner.
Cliffhanger: Sharra’s mission is to London 1825 and she is going to ‘fix’ time. Vault agents time travel!
Episode 3: Sharra’s first mission.
Hook/Intrigue: London 1825 mission is a disaster.
Main Character journey: Sharra shows them all and herself that she can do the job. Faolan meets Sharra for the first time and starts his investigation at this point.
Major Challenge/Conflict: With Tanner wounded and unconscious, Sharra must do the mission on her own and find Lazarus to get them back to the Vault or fail her first test.
Action/Reaction: Sharra takes charge, using a man from the century who happens to be Faolan, a Vault agent in hiding, while Lazarus is stopped from getting to Sharra because his future self is there gathering intel.
Cliffhanger: Sharra feels the rush of adrenalin and is ready to take the next step. Lazarus shifts her to the main Vault where Sharra, seeing the nine huge electrical pylons for the first time, realizes Vault Agency is something not entirely real.
Episode 4: Sharra’s assimilation.
Hook/Intrigue: Sharra has an odd experience with the particle cloud that sits around the pylons. It’s otherworldly.
Main Character journey: Sharra has to become a full agent with the ability to shift through time
Major Challenge/Conflict: To stop her parents’ death by changing her past, Sharra breaks Vault rules. To stop a paradox, Tanner must keep Sharra in check.
Action/Reaction: Sharra secretly sabotages her assimilation with the help of her Vault connection, causing an adverse reaction, both internally and to Lazarus and Tanner. She tests out her ability to shift, her first stop – her childhood home and her live mother.
Cliffhanger: Faolan is blamed for the sabotage and the search is on for him. Tanner stops Sharra from interacting with her mother.
Episode 5: A mission of hope.
Hook/Intrigue: A death and a funeral is déjà vu for Sharra.
Main Character journey: Sharra to work through her past trauma
Major Challenge/Conflict: Sharra’s first alone mission hits close to home when she had to help her target through the death and funeral of her husband.
Action/Reaction: Sharra tries to go back and stop the death, but can’t and realizes she must complete her original mission.
Cliffhanger: The rogue agent is there and gets Sharra in a stranglehold. Tanner saves her but loses the rogue agent and he gets away.
Episode 6: A crossover and convergence of timelines.
Hook/Intrigue: Sharra sneaks back in her timeline and interacts with her family, including her younger self.
Main Character journey: Sharra must face her traumatic childhood and the moral consequences of tampering with her timeline
Major Challenge/Conflict: To try and stop her parents’ death.
Action/Reaction: Sharra gets close to her younger self and feeds her information about the event but it backfires and causes trouble between young Sharra and Grayson.
Cliffhanger: Tanner stops Sharra, taking her to his own timeline to his mother and sister’s gravestones, to what he can’t change.
Episode 7: A ripple is felt.
Hook/Intrigue: A ripple in time has multiple agents stuck in a timeline on dangerous missions.
Main Character journey: Sharra has to face the consequences of tampering with her timeline.
Major Challenge/Conflict: To fix the ripple, Sharra must go back to when she had interfered in her family’s life and repair the damage.
Action/Reaction: Now complicated by her former visit, Sharra struggles to fix the damage until Faolan appears and after revealing he’s an agent too, Sharra reluctantly agrees to his help.
Cliffhanger: They fix the ripple but Grayson witnesses them shifting out and he realizes who she is – a future Sharra.
Episode 8: The team catches the rogue agent.
Hook/Intrigue: The Vault team goes on the offense.
Main Character journey: Sharra has to confront the rogue agent.
Major Challenge/Conflict: to trap him and put an end to her and the Vault’s troubles.
Action/Reaction: The team devises a trap with Sharra as the bait, setting a mission in Portsmouth in 1857.
Cliffhanger: Sharra survives but is left with a piece of the Vault inside her brain. J.D. isn’t the end of her troubles. There’s a puppet master and he’s furious.
3. Write a rough draft of each of the episode descriptions for your first
season.Episode 1:
Tanner Holmes, with a strange metal tattoo behind his left ear, saves a young Ben Franklin and then vanishes. He shows up again, watching Sharra Lane in 1996. Sharra’s crooked boss is after blood ever since she turned in evidence of fraud. So, when Lazarus Maitland invites her to join Vault Agency which means leaving NYC, she considers it. However, her physical reaction to the logo on the business card, (the same design as Tanner’s tattoo), and the odd interview make her rethink her options. Tanner wants Lazarus not to hire her, but Lazarus has a note from his future self that Sharra will save them all.
A mugging gone bad and Sharra gets stabbed, which makes her change her mind. Especially when she is miraculously healed with Tanner’s help. Still stranger is the man from 1825, a former Vault agent, who appears out of thin air and investigates the man behind the mugging. Sharra is ignorant of the true nature of Vault Agency, and it’s only at the final moment when she’s alone with Lazarus and they both vanish that she becomes aware.
Episode 2:
Sharra and Lazarus reappear in a futuristic training facility. The pylons made out of the same metal as the logo reacts to her presence. It’s weird. Tanner, her Vault Trainer, puts Sharra through the wringer trying to get her to Vault Agency standards. But Sharra knows something is off and snoops for clues, getting into trouble in the simulator and with Tanner. Faolan shifts between his time in 1825 and Sharra’s, searching for the culprit behind Sharra’s attack, keeping his movements hidden from Lazarus.
Sharra gets her first mission assignment as a courier in London. Not to London of now, but to 1825. She’s going to ‘fix’ time! Vault agents are time travelers!
Episode 3:
London 1825 mission is a disaster. With Tanner wounded and unconscious, Sharra must do the mission on her own and find Lazarus to get them back to the Vault or be stuck in that timeline. She and a past Faolan meet for the first time. It’s not a coincidence. He helps her all the while trying to convince her to choose a different path. Meanwhile, Lazarus is stopped from getting to Sharra because his future self is there gathering intel on the rogue agent who was behind the original mugging, leading him into the underbelly of London.
Sharra completes her first mission and feels the rush. Everybody is back safe. Faolan stays behind. Sharra is ready to officially join. Lazarus shifts Sharra to the main Vault complex where she encounters the massive vault chamber with nine huge electrical pylons and realizes Vault Agency is something not entirely real.
Episode 4:
Sharra has an odd experience with the particle cloud that sits around the pylons. It’s otherworldly. To become a full agent with the ability to shift through time, Sharra has the agrylium metal infused into her brain, but the machine malfunctions, and she gets infused on both sides of her brain. A side effect – any with agrylium, she can hear their thoughts if pointed at her. The paranoid agents are out for blood and a pose spirit forms. The finger points to Faolan and the search is on for him.
Sharra tests out her ability to shift, her first stop – her childhood home and her live mother. Sharra wants to break the rules and interact with her mother but Tanner stops her just in time.
Episode 5:
Sharra’s first solo mission hits close to home when she had to help her target through the death and funeral of her late husband. It hits too close to her heart. Sharra shifts a few days back to stop the death but her attempt is futile, and she realizes she must complete her original mission. The rogue agent is there and gets Sharra in a stranglehold. Tanner saves her but loses the rogue agent. Tanner realizes it’s not Faolan.
Episode 6:
The last mission screws with Sharra’s head. She sneaks back to her timeline and interacts with her family. It’s the week before the accident that kills her parents. Sharra gets close to her younger self and feeds her information about the event but it backfires and causes trouble between young Sharra and Grayson. Faolan, who has been following Sharra, finally meets up with Lazarus. They mend old disputes to work together to keep tabs on Sharra’s movements. Faolan reveals the rogue agent is J.D. Dash.
Lazarus sends Tanner to stop Sharra, and he gets there just in time to stop her from revealing herself to her family. He takes Sharra to his own timeline to his mother and sister’s gravestones, to what he can’t change.
Episode 7:
A ripple in time has multiple agents stuck in timelines on dangerous missions. Sharra has to face the consequences of tampering with her timeline. To fix the ripple, Sharra must go back to when she had interfered in her family’s life and repair the damage. Now complicated by her former visit, Sharra struggles to fix the damage until Faolan appears. After revealing he’s an agent too, Sharra reluctantly agrees to his help. Together, they fix the ripple, freeing the stuck agents from harrowing situations, but Grayson witnesses them shifting out and he realizes who she is – a future Sharra.
Episode 8:
The Vault team goes on the offense after J.D. Dash. With the help of the Committee, Sharra devises a plan to trap the real rogue agent, using herself as the bait. The team set up in Portsmouth in 1857 and wait for Sharra’s arrival. Now, a full-fledged agent, Sharra has come full circle, faces her fear to meet Dash head-on and put an end to her and the Vault’s troubles. Sharra completes the mission to discover that the shipmaster is Dash. His plan is to destroy all the Lazarus has worked to create, including the Vault.
Sharra risks her life and forces Dash back to the Vault. Their fight takes them into the particle cloud while the rest of the team stands by helpless. Sharra survives but is left with pieces of the particle cloud inside her brain. Dash is killed by the pylons, but it isn’t the end of Sharra’s troubles. There’s a puppet master and he’s furious.
-
Jean Episode List Rough Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is that going through the sets help me plan out a rough draft of the eight episodes of the first series. I know it still needs a lot of work, but it feels good having something down on paper.
1. Beginning……………………………………………………………………….Season End/Cliffhanger
Question A: What is the Beginning of the season and the End of the
season?Into the intrigue of a secret agency of time-traveling agents where a new recruit learns the ropes of fixing the past. Also, a rogue agent is bent on stopping her and they don’t know why.
Question B: What possible cliffhanger could be in that last scene of the
season, thus demanding that we watch the next season?A final confrontation in the Vault chamber. The rogue agent gets killed by the pylons but not Sharra. Instead, the pylons make a direct connection with her, a communion, leaving a bit of itself inside her brain. She tells no one. Vault life returns to normal, except for Lazarus. A clandestine meeting with Faolan reveals that both know it’s not over. A man watches Sharra from an internal feed and he’s angry.
2. Season 1 Mystery Set up…………………………………..………………Season 1 Mystery Solved
Question A: What is the mystery?
What is Vault Agency and why does Sharra have a connection to it?
Question B: How could the mystery be set up? What parts will be left out that must be solved?
Sharra touches the logo and gets a spark. Whenever she comes near the pylons, made from the same metal, they speed up and ‘reach out’ to her. She thinks it’s normal and says nothing.
Question C: What is the ultimate solution that the characters must work to discover?
Turns out it’s not normal and she figures this out when she gets surrounded by its particle cloud and it communes with her, leaving a bit of itself inside her brain.
Question A: What is the mystery?
How do they time travel and why?
Question B: How could the mystery be set up?
An agent saves a famous person in the past and then vanishes. The first time the recruit shifts, we see the process as it happens in her brain and to the pylons. After the mission is completed, she sees the new timeline and understands.
Question C: What is the ultimate solution that the characters must work to discover?
Sharra discovers the agents are from different time periods and have been alive a very long time, a benefit of shifting. After several missions, including the final one set up as a trap, Sharra gets the adrenalin high of shifting and is addicted.
Question A: What is the mystery?
A rogue agent uses others in an attempt to stop Sharra from joining the Vault team. When that doesn’t work, he personally gets involved and no one knows what his motivation is.
· Question B: How could the mystery be set up?
Sharra gets mugged outside the Vault Office and the contract stolen. Lazarus sends Tanner to retrieve the contract. The mugger is a nobody. Someone else hired him. Sharra’s first mission, she gets attacked by street thugs, again hired goons. Faolan overhears the discussion with a rogue agent and decides to get involved. Two investigations take place separately and without each other’s knowledge: Lazarus’s team and Faolan.
· Question C: What is the ultimate solution that the characters must work to discover?
Lazarus uses Faolan as a decoy rogue agent to lull the real one to relax his guard. Sharra sets a trap, using herself as bait. It works. His reason: a point of a failing system, pinning the blame on Lazarus
3. Journey begins……………………………………………………….Journey peaks, but continues.
Question A: Where does the Lead Character journey begin and end for this season?
Sharra: an innocent and naïve woman with no family to a hard-ass agent with a special connection to the Vault and a place to belong.
Question B: Think about where this character goes in future seasons. That might
give you an idea also.Sharra: from honorable to deceitful.
From kind to a killer.
4. ……Layer….…Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer……Layer
Question A: What layers have you already discovered in your BW Framework?
Question B: Are there any other layers that you could think of?Vault Agency is a time travel agency that fixes the past to make the future better.
Lazarus recruits Sharra because his future self contacted him that she will fix the Vault.
Two separate timelines: Faolan’s and Sharra’s– crossover and converge at the end.
Sharra thinks she killed her parents 10 years ago and can’t get over it.
She sabotages her assimilation.
There is a puppet master behind the rogue agent.
5. Make a list of Major Story Lines.
Question A: What main characters have storylines that affect everyone else?
Question B: What are the most important storylines of this show?Sharra learning to be an agent.
Sharra, Tanner, and Faolan love triangle.
The Vault is a living thing.
Sharra’s family causes and solve Vault Agency’s problems.
It is important to know that you don’t need all of these answered perfectly. If you have 60% of the questions answered, you can create an amazing show.
Episode 1: Sharra takes up the offer to join Vault Agency.
· Sharra gets a strange job offer
· Sharra’s crooked boss goes after her.
· Sharra’s mugged outside Vault office building.
· Faolan leaves his timeline to investigate Sharra’s assailant.
· Sharra takes the job and she vanishes with Lazarus.
Episode 2: Sharra learns the true nature of the job.
· Tanner starts Sharra’s training.
· Sharra goes off the path in the simulator and encounters trouble.
· A futuristic examination by Cam
· Sharra uncovers the true nature of her first mission – time travel.
Episode 3: Sharra’s first mission.
· Sharra meets the head of Staxx and gets her first-period costume
· Tanner shifts Sharra to 1825 London.
· They are attacked by thugs and Tanner gets hurt
· Faolan and Sharra meet for the first time and he helps her.
· Lazarus is held back and it screws up the mission.
· Sharra completes the mission.
· Sharra wants to join the agency.
Episode 4: Sharra’s assimilation.
· Sharra is taken over to the Vault headquarters.
· Sharra has an odd experience with the pylons.
· Sharra is given the Vault handbook and learns how time travel is possible.
· Sharra sabotages her assimilation but lets everyone believe the rogue agent did it.
· The Vault committee gets involved.
· Lazarus returns to Sharra’s first training mission to investigate and gets involved with his family.
· Sharra works to control her new abilities.
· Sharra takes Tanner back to her childhood home.
· Tanner stops Sharra from interacting with her mother.
Episode 5: A mission of hope.
· Sharra takes her first alone mission.
· Her ability comes in use.
· She is attacked by a masked man and Tanner saves her.
·
Episode 6: A crossover and convergence of timelines.
· Sharra sneaks back in time to spy on her family and interacts.
· Faolan spies on Sharra but doesn’t interfere.
· Faolan meets Lazarus on a mission to discuss Sharra.
Episode 7: A ripple is felt.
· Tanner is on a mission and he can’t shift back.
· Lazarus sets out to find the source of the complication.
· Sharra feels guilty and saves Tanner, bringing him back.
· Lazarus wants answers, but Sharra evades him.
Episode 8: The team catches the rogue agent.
· The team organize a ‘fake’ mission to catch the rogue agent.
· The team is in place when Sharra arrives in Portsmouth 1857.
· Sharra, the bait, goes to complete the mission, disappointed their plan failed.
· The Ship Master is the agent in disguise!
· He and Sharra fight in the Vault chamber.
· Sharra survives the particle cloud and comes away with a bit of the pylon inside her brain.
· Everyone thinks it’s over, but not Lazarus and Faolan.
· The puppet master watches Sharra from inside the Vault and he’s angry.
-
Jean Five Seasons
What I learned doing this assignment is that going through the process, step by step, help me figure out what each season can be about. Yes, it was work, but it gives me a foundation to work with and improve.
2. Brainstorm the Stair Step version.
Arena:
1: Inside the Vault
Season2: Earth’s past
Season3: Other worlds (Ardus)
4: The Vault – 4<sup>th</sup>
dimension5: The Future
Main mystery:
<div>
Season 1: Who is the rogue agent and why he’s
after Sharra?</div>
Season 2: Who is the puppet master and why
has he singled out Sharra?Season 3: Who is Araylai and why is she
hiding her real identity?Season 4: What is wrong with the agents and
can they fix it in time?Season 5: What is the Vault and will they have
a future?Conflict:
Season 1: a rogue agent task to stop
Sharra from becoming an agentSeason 2: outside infiltration – Vault agency
has been exposed to the outside worldSeason 3: the fight has gone off-planet,
embroiling agents in an off-world political battle
Season 4: internal mutiny – The Vault’s ‘starvation’
effects agents’ brainsSeason 5: Paradox – the ultimate battle
against time itselfNew Layer Exposed:
Season 1: Sharra has a special connection to the agrylium/pylons.
Season 2: Sharra’s sociopathic brother is her nemesis.
Season 3: Discovers the agrylium/pylons is a living entity and it’s dying.
Season 4: Anyone with Infused agrylium is part of the entity and they are permanently connected to it.
Season 5: They are in a time loop and that
Sharra had unknowingly created.3. For each season, brainstorm the Building Blocks.
Season 1: TIME TRAVEL 101
A. High Concept or major hook of the season. Time travel is possible for an elite group of special agents and Sharra is their newest recruit.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: From an unassuming accountant running from a crooked boss to a competent agent and the one to take down the rogue agent.
C. Main Conflict: learning the ropes of
time travel while a rogue agent tries to stop her from becoming an agentD. Main Mystery/Open Loops: Who is the rogue agent and why he’s after Sharra? Will Sharra overcome all adversities and become an agent? Who is Faolan and what is his connection to the Vault and
Sharra?E. Cliff-hanger: Sharra has a secret connection to the agrylium/pylons. The rogue agent isn’t the real villain. There is a
puppet-master.Season 2: THE RULES OF THE GAME
A. High Concept or major hook of the season. A game of Risk by the puppet master with the past as the playing field and all the clues are linked to Sharra.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: Vault Agency is exposed to the outside world and the agents scramble to ‘fix’ it to correct the ripple effect while searching for the culprit.
C. Main Conflict: following the trail of
clues both outside the Vault and inside to who has infiltrated into the Vault.
Keeping outsiders in the dark about time travel.D. Main Mystery/Open Loops: Who is the puppet master and why has he singled out Sharra? Will Sharra break the rules to change her own timeline and save her parents?
E. Cliff-hanger: Sharra’s sociopathic brother is her nemesis.
Season 3: ARDUS
A. High Concept or major hook of the season. The field has expanded off-world in the future.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: From Sharra’s
discovery of an alien agent at the Vault and Sharra’s subsequent
kidnapping to the rescue team’s embroilment into alien politics that rights
an old wrong and creates a new alliance.C. Main Conflict: the fight has gone off-planet,
embroiling agents in an off-world political battleD. Main Mystery/Open Loops: Who is
Araylai and why is she hiding her real identity?E. Cliff-hanger: Discovers the agrylium/pylons
is a living entity and it’s dying.Season 4: FOREVER FAMILY
A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Sharra breaks the ultimate rule to try and change her fixed timeline.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: Now knowing it’s Sharra’s brother, the team set about to catch him ending in a
showdown between family, Grayson, and the dangerous pylons.C. Main Conflict: internal mutiny – The Vault’s
‘starvation’ affects agents’ brains and it’s spreading.D. Main Mystery/Open Loops: What is wrong with the agents and can they fix it in time?
E. Cliff-hanger: Tanner dies, saving
Sharra. Sharra kills her brother to save herself. Anyone with Infused agrylium is part of the entity and they are permanently connected to it.Season 5: THE BIG RESET
A. High Concept or major hook of the season. They are in a time-loop that Sharra has unknowingly created and its created a paradox that will wipe them all out.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: A race
to fix the paradox before their timeline implodes without erasing themselves
and all the good they’ve done, ending in a big reset that puts everyone
back to before the Vault but with the knowledge to fix their future.C. Main Conflict: Paradox – the ultimate
battle against time itselfD. Main Mystery/Open Loops: What is the
Vault and will any of them have a future?E. Cliff-hanger: The Vault exists in the
4<sup>th</sup> dimension4. Write a description of each season and give us the 5 seasons.
Season 1: TIME TRAVEL 101
How does an unassuming accountant become part of an elite group of time travelers?
Unlawfully fired and running from her crooked boss, Sharra needs to escape. So when Vault Agency approaches her with a job offer that will take her away, she agrees, not realizing the true nature of the job until she’s firmly implanted at the Vault. Vault Agency needs her even though the Head Director is forewarned that her addition comes with painful consequences. Learning the ropes of fixing timelines is hard enough for a recruit, especially when her first mission goes wrong. Add in a rogue agent who for unknown reasons has a vendetta against her, time travel becomes a cat and mouse game with only one walking away alive.
However, there’s more to Sharra than meets the eye and her odd connection with the internal workings of the Vault proves it. Backed up by a team of seasoned agents, she forces the rogue agent back to the Vault to fight it out. She saves the agency and learns that the Vault is more than a machine. She’s finally found a place where she belongs. There is a puppet master.
Season 2: THE RULES OF THE GAME
The puppet master is back.
A shift gone wrong exposes Sharra as a time traveler. Not only that, someone has been messing with the past that has not been authorized. The two events merge, causing a ripple effect that cripples the Vault. It becomes a game of chess between Vault Agency and the puppet-master. The team sets out to ‘fix’ the affected timelines while following the clues, both outside the Vault and inside, to who has infiltrated the Vault and why he has singled out Sharra. Sharra figures out the game and stops the last ripple. There is one last move that only she knows because she’s figured out who the puppet-master is. All roads lead home, Sharra’s home. Her nemesis is her sociopathic brother, Grayson.
Season 3: ARDUS
Who is Araylai and why is she hiding her real identity?
Sharra’s strange connection to the Vault’s pylons grows stronger after returning from a near-death shift. Not only that, but she discovers her friend and fellow agent, Araylai, is a refugee alien accused of treason in her homeworld. Who would have guessed that when Grayson abducts Sharra and leaves her for dead on a water planet that it is Ardus, Araylai’s homeworld. With her means of shifting destroyed and no way to communicate her whereabouts, Sharra learns how to survive among an alien race, taking her deep into the intrigue of the alien court. With Sharra missing, the Vault team scrambles for clues and follows them to Ardus for a rescue mission. But leaving Ardus is harder than they thought. Now, embroiled in alien politics that affects one of their own, Sharra and the team set out to right an old wrong, stopping a coupe and creating a new alliance.
Back at the Vault, Sharra makes an interesting discovery – the agrylium pylons is a living entity and it’s dying.
Season 4: FOREVER FAMILY
The team set about to catch Grayson ending in a showdown between Sharra, Grayson, and the dangerous pylons.
Mutiny is afoot inside Vault Agency and it’s Grayson’s doing. Sharra blames herself and risks her life to get Grayson tagged. The team is onto him. But Grayson figures it out and lays his own trap, capturing Sharra for the last time. He brings her home close to the time of their parents’ death to torture her. It works. She breaks the ultimate rule and interferes in her timeline to save her parents, in return causing the death of Tanner. At last, the whole family is in the Vault. Grayson forces Sharra into the pylons in a fit of madness. She takes him with her but it kills him. But not Sharra. Inside the pylon, she discovers the true nature of the lifeforce and what it needs to survive. It chose her from all of time.
Season 5: THE BIG RESET
Mess with time too long and it will eventually mess with you.
Changing a fixed timeline comes at a terrible cost. Lazarus discovers that Vault Agency is in a time-loop that Sharra has unwittily set off and its created a paradox that will wipe them all out. Tanner returns from the ‘dead’ to pull Sharra back into the game – a race to fix the paradox before their timeline implodes, without erasing themselves and all the good they’ve done in the process. With the help of the alien lifeforce that is the Vault and the agents’ ties to their own pasts, they set in motion a big reset that puts everyone back before the Vault but with the knowledge to fix their future. The last enemy of time is the Vault. With only the original team left, they battle the pylons, disconnecting it from their dimension, destroying their home, and finishing the reset. Sharra appears at her family home Here family is alive and well. She saved the world. She is at peace.
-
Jean’s Character Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is that by filling in the answers by using the list of questions, helped me organize the character into bits of information that I could then use to describe them in a more unique and interesting manner. I’ll be honest; this was a hard assignment for me and took me longer than usual. But I am happy with the end results. So it was worth it and a good learning experience for me.
2. Select a main character and answer the following questions:
Sharra Lane
Who is the character? Role in the show?
An unemployed accountant running from a bad boss becomes the newest recruit of a secret agency, She didn’t choose this new life. The Vault chose her. Innocent until thrown into this new world and has to change to survive.
Noteworthy traits:
logical, headstrong, moralistic, the martyr, an optimistic nature kind, caring/loyal, Reluctant hero,
Intriguing history:
her parents died in a car crash when she was 14, her last conversation with her mother was a fight. Her psychopathic brother became her guardian, dumping her when she turned 16 and disappeared.
Intrigue?
a connection with the Vault that no one else has, not even Lazarus who knows its secret. Willing to break rules, take huge risks
Mystery?
A rogue agent wants her dead and no one knows why.
How do they support or drive the conflict with others?
Pushes herself, Tanner, and others into dangerous situations
Uses Tanner and Faolan’s feelings for her to distract them from her goal.
Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: trying to save her parents causes a series of events that kills them, creates a time loop. The one with the least fighting skills saves everyone. Has to break her moral code to get what she wants
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters:
Sharra wants to fix her past which is against Vault rules. It can cause a paradox that disrupts future timelines. Faolan doesn’t want her to be an agent.
Unpredictable?
becomes a risk-taker, from innocent to the savior of the Vault and the world.
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters:
Tanner, Faolan, Lazarus, and other agents
She falls for Tanner but her feelings get confused when she meets Faolan on a mission, not knowing he’s a rogue agent. Now, she’s conflicted. The one she wants, she thinks she can’t have, the other is too good for her.
Lazarus Maitland
Who is the character? Role in the show?
Vault Agency Head Director and former British Earl from 1700s tasked with keeping the Vault alive and its true nature a secret.
A man with the weight of the world on his shoulder, trying to do good in an impossible situation. get Sharra assimilated to save the Vault
Noteworthy traits:
Methodical, driven, powerful, alcoholic, the father figure. Behind his sharp eyes is an old soul. And dark secrets.
Intriguing history:
First at the Vault. Head-hunts Sharra because his future self had left him a message to recruit her. Chose power over love.
Intrigue?
He knows that something is wrong with the alien lifeforce and that it’s connected to Sharra.
Mystery?
How does the Vault exist and what does Lazarus have to do with it?
How do they support or drive the conflict with others?
Forces Tanner to take on more responsibilities. Coerces Sharra and others
He’s been there for eons and has reached his limit. He needs to pass the torch and has chosen Tanner, though Faolan is his first choice. His secrets and lies are driving him into a mental breakdown.
Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character:
Hurts people he cares about to keep Sharra alive, but not for her, for the Vault because if it dies, they all do too. Messes with the timeline to find recruits, breaking the rules.
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters:
He needs to fix the Vault but fears being found out as a deceiver.
Knows the true nature of the Vault and has to keep it alive at all cost. Faolan knows the truth and wants Lazarus to give full disclosure to the rest. Lazarus is grooming Tanner to take over, but Tanner isn’t ready.
Unpredictable?
lies to keep the Vault’s true identity a secret but it drives him to drink
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters:
Sharra, Tanner, and Faolan all conflicted purposes.
Tanner Holmes
Who is the character? Role in the show?
An American ex-navy seal from the 1980s, now a Vault agent and Trainer, given the task of turning their recent recruit, a nobody accountant, into a top-notch time travel agent.
Noteworthy traits:
Cocky, Impulsive, short-tempered. All around good guy, the hero.
Intriguing history:
Whatever happened in his past drives him to protect women.
Intrigue?
falls for the new recruit and tries to hide it until Faolan becomes a rival for her affections.
Fight with Lazarus, Sharra, willing to risk/sacrifice his life, hides his feelings
Mystery?
Why did he leave the navy?
How do they support or drive the conflict with others?
His cocky, impulsive nature gets him in all sorts of trouble.
overprotectiveness of women is good and bad
Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character:
Protecting Sharra puts her in danger.
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: Protecting Sharra from outside sources and herself.
Unpredictable?
Short-temper personality makes him a powder keg of unpredictability.
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters:
Sharra, Faolan, Lazarus
ill-qualified Sharra comes along, he is ready to dismiss her but has to fight his growing attraction until Faolan becomes a rival for her affections.
Tanner and Faolan have loved the same woman in the past. It didn’t end well for all of them.
Faolan
Who is the character? Role in the show?
A Vault agent, originally from late 700s Scotland, considered a rogue agent by his contemporaries becomes embroiled in Vault business when he stumbles across a new recruit on a botched mission.
Noteworthy traits:
intelligence boarding on genius, honorable to a fault, an idealist, has no problem taking a life when warranted, investigative, weapons expert
Intriguing history:
Has been in hiding since his fallout with Lazarus.
Chose self-preservation over saving his clan. Punishing himself.
Intrigue?
He doesn’t like to talk about his past. Something really bad had happened. It’s what makes him a loner. His odd relationship with his female programmed communication device is endearing and sad.
Mystery?
What went down between Faolan and Lazarus that made Faolan leave disgraced?
How do they support or drive the conflict with others?
infiltrates the Vault to gather intel on Sharra though it makes him a suspect.
Pushes Sharra to leave the agency
Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character:
forced back to Vault Agency because of his feelings for Sharra
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters:
wants to reveal the true nature of the Vault to his fellow agents, what Lazarus lies about to keep secret.
wants to keep Sharra from joining, saving her from the Vault. Sharra wants to change her past and needs to join to do that.
Unpredictable?
Though honorable, there’s something dark about him, in his eyes and the catlike grace of his fit body.
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters:
Sharra, Tanner, Lazarus, and other agents
Faolan was once Lazarus’ closest friend, knows of Lazarus’ deception and left the agency because of their differences. Now he’s pulled back in.
Tanner feels threatened by Faolan and has been in competition with him from the start. They shared a past love that didn’t end well.
He wants to get to know Sharra without giving it away he’s an agent in hiding.
4. Sequence the info and write a START, MIDDLE, and END.
Sharra:
START: An unjustly fired accountant takes a job offer that sounds ‘too good to be true’ to escape a ruthless crooked boss. A secret agency that fixes the past for the betterment of the future.
MIDDLE: headstrong, moralistic, the martyr, can change others past but not her own, meets a man from 1825 who challenges her on many levels,
ENDING: a connection to the Vault that no one else has.
Rough Draft: Sharra
Optimistic, tenacious, and brave, Sharra finds herself taking a job offer that sounds too good to be true to escape her ruthless ex-boss. But she can’t escape her problems, not even hiding in the undisclosed headquarters of Vault Agency, and it requires her to step out of her comfort box.
Her new trainer labels Sharra as a piece of coal – a nobody. Maybe that’s how she presents, but she will quickly prove them all wrong. She can be fierce and protective of those she cares about, even violent when pushed and she will be ‘pushed’
Family is what Sharra craves, having lost her parents as a teen and being abandoned by her guardian older brother soon after. She blames herself for her parents’ death and that guilt will drive her to cross borders both morally and physically especially when she discovers the true purpose of Vault Agency and the nature of the strange connection she has to it.
Lazarus
START: Methodical, driven, and powerful, Lazarus is the Vault Agency Head Director and a man carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Beyond his sharp eyes is an old soul and there’s a reason for that. He is a former British Earl from the 1700s, the first to come across the lifeforce that is the Vault.
MIDDLE: tasked with keeping the Vault alive and its true nature a secret. He knows that something is wrong with the alien lifeforce and that it’s connected to Sharra. He’s not above coercion, even hurting those he loves if it means keeping those he cares about alive.
ENDING: He’s been there for eons and has reached his limit. He needs to pass the torch. He needs to fix it and the new recruit is the key. He knows because his future self told him so.
Rough Draft: Lazarus
Methodical, ruthless, and powerful, Lazarus is the Vault Agency’s Head Director and a man carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Behind his sharp eyes is an old soul and there’s a reason for that. He is a British Earl from the 1700s, the first to come across the lifeforce that is now disguised as the Vault Agency.
Time had been on his side for eons, until recently. Lying and deceit is the only way he keeps the true nature of the Vault secret from those connected to it and it’s wearing him down. He knows that something is wrong with the alien lifeforce and that it’s connected to Sharra. He’s not above coercion, even hurting those he loves if it means keeping those he cares about alive. He needs to fix it and the new recruit is the key even though it will come at a high price that is yet to be revealed. He knows because his future self told him so. And so, he must press forward, whatever the cost.
Tanner
START: An American ex-navy seal from the 1980s, now a Vault agent and Trainer given the task of turning their recent recruit, a nobody accountant, into a top-notch time travel agent. Cocky, Impulsive, short-tempered. All around good guy, the hero. Short-temper personality makes him a powder keg of unpredictability.
MIDDLE: Whatever happened in his past drives him to protect women.
His cocky, impulsive nature gets him in all sorts of trouble. Overprotectiveness of women is good and bad. Protecting Sharra puts him in danger. ill-qualified Sharra comes along, he is ready to dismiss her but has to fight his growing attraction until Faolan becomes a rival for her affections.
ENDING: fight his growing attraction until Faolan becomes a rival for her affections
Rough Draft: Tanner
An American ex-navy seal, Tanner is the Vault Agency’s Trainer and all-around good guy, oh, and easy on the eyes. But don’t underestimate him. Though his short temper makes him a powder keg of unpredictability and his cocky, impulsive nature gets him in all sorts of trouble, he’s a guy you want on your side.
His cockiness hides a dark secret. Whatever happened in his past drives him to protect women. When ill-qualified recruit Sharra comes along, he is ready to dismiss her, but his duty to the agency and his protectiveness forces him to see her as something more, though he’s not ready for a relationship. It gets real interesting when a former friend, who had once loved the same woman as he, shows up and becomes a rival for her affections.
Faolan
START: A Vault agent, originally from late 700s Scotland, considered a rogue agent by his contemporaries becomes embroiled in Vault business when he stumbles across a new recruit on a botched mission. Honorable to a fault, an idealist, has no problem taking a life when warranted, investigative, weapons expert.
MIDDLE: Though honorable, there’s something dark about him, in his eyes and the catlike grace of his fit body. Has been in hiding since his fallout with Lazarus.
Chose self-preservation over saving his clan. Punishing himself. wants to keep Sharra from joining, saving her from the Vault. Sharra wants to change her past and needs to join to do that.
ENDING: Faolan was once Lazarus’ closest friend, knows of Lazarus’ deception and left the agency because of their differences. Now he’s pulled back in.
Rough Draft: Faolan
Faolan is handsome with a swoon-worthy Scottish accent, but there’s more to Faolan than meets the eye. Though an idealist and honorable, there’s something dark about him, in his eyes and the catlike grace of his fit body. Here is a man that has no problem taking a life when warranted.
He is considered a rogue agent by his contemporaries, but there are always two sides to a story. Somehow, the Vault draws all those attached to it back, including him when he stumbles across a recruit on a botched mission and has to intervene.
Knowing the truth about the Vault, he will do his best to stop her from committing, but it’s harder than he thinks. She just might be his match… and savior.
-
Jean Intriguing Concept and World
What I learned doing this assignment is that my original concept was weak. I already knew this and was prepared to keep an open mind and make changes. Spending the time on this assignment help me elevate the concept. I think it’s stronger now. Maybe a bit wordy, but I can work on that later.
Assignment One:
1. Present your Concept.
A. Engaging and highly proactive hero… A moralistic time travel recruit learns to fix the past for the betterment of the future
B. …up against a major conflict… when she discovers that she’s the catalyst to a paradox that will bring down the secret agency
C. …goes on unique transformational journey… And she must bend her morals or die
D. …Into an intriguing world. As she slowly grows from an unassuming accountant to the savior of the world.
A moralistic time-travel recruit learns to fix the past for the betterment of the future when she discovers she’s the catalyst to a paradox that will bring down the secret agency and she must bend her morals or die to save not only herself and the Vault but also the world.
2. Tell us the World of this show.
· Unique Sub-World: The secret world of time traveling
· Previously unexplored: how is it possible/plausible without causing ripples or paradoxes?
· The unknown: What effect to the human brain does it cause?
· The unseen: rogue agent, mutiny, insanity,
· Unheard of Dangers: agrylium metal connected to an alien lifeforce
· Reason to explore it: possibility to change fix the past
THE VAULT WORLD: The secret world of time-traveling agents where the perk of endless life can be had but at the risk of discovery and killed for the alien material infused in their brains or driven to insanity and mutiny from within.
-
Jean has completed the BW Framework!
What I learned doing this assignment is that compiling all the past assignments up to this point into one concise document helps see where any points need work. It will be handy to have this form moving forward, instead of having to refer back to multiple documents.
-
Jean’s Creating Irony
What I learned doing this assignment is now that I’m aware of what to look for in a show that is binge watchable, I can see the elements the writers have put in. Like today’s lesson. The irony was woven into the show from the very beginning and built on episode after episode. Most of the time, I wasn’t aware of it. But looking for it now, it’s everywhere. That tells me that I need to make sure to include irony from the very first episode in my show.
Assignment One:
THE VAMPIRE DIARIES:
Stefan and Damon fall for Elena who looks like Katherine from 1864 who the brothers both loved, too.
The Gilbert family was part of Mystic Falls founding families and killed vampires. Elana and Jeremy have relationships with vampires.
Bonnie, a witch, doesn’t want to help Stefan or Damon because they are vampires but is always put in a situation that if she doesn’t her close friends will die.
Jeremy hates vampires but ends updating one.
Stefan wants to remove himself from the violence but ends up killing Vicky to save Elana.
Damon makes Vicky a vampire who then almost kills Elana who he cares about.
Sheriff Forbes is in charge of killing vampires and finds out her daughter is one.
Stefan came back to Mystic Falls to start a new life and be ‘normal’ but whatever he tries shows that he’s not normal – he’s something more.
Damon, who does everything in his power, even hurting those he cares about, to free Katherine(who he’s been pining over for the last 147 years from the tomb, finds out she’s been free all along.
Damon gets Bonnie, who hates vampires, to do the spell to open the tomb. She gets her grandma to help because she’s not strong enough. It works but her grandma dies and Bonnie finds out that she let loose 26 vampires,
THE VAULT:
Sharra, who is morally straight-laced turned her boss in for fraud that hurt many clients, but when it’s possible to change her past and stop her parents from dying, she will break all the Vaults rules, barring the consequences.
Sharra is a good person where her brother is a psychopathic sociopath.
Sharra thinks she killed her parents, and she actually did by a series of events she set off.
Lazarus cares deeply for his ‘family’ and will die for them, but he keeps it secret that their life is connected to the Vault which is dying.
Sharra’s recruitment to the Vault is supposed to solve its problem when actually she is the creation of the problem, creating a time loop.
Faolan wants to stay away from the agency but his chance meeting with Sharra in the past hooks him back into the drama that made him leave in the first place.
Each agent gets agrylium injected into their brain,(it’s the means to connect them to the mainframe to time travel) and don’t know that it’s a living thing and now they are connected to it.
Sharra has no fighting skills but ends up taking her enemy out with sheer determination and brains.
Tanner, the nice guy/hero, turns rogue to save Sharra’s life, and to get him back, Maitland erases his memory, taking away more than just the block of his rogue days. He doesn’t remember Sharra and all they’ve been through.
Maitland controls the agents by using diplomacy and tough love but secretly he’s a liar and manipulator. He gets caught out by Tanner who looks up to him and it destroys their relationship.
Faolan who has been tortured in the past, tortures Grayson, justifying it as payback for what Grayson did to Sharra, but really he’s doing it because he likes to inflict pain.
Lazarus left his loving wife, young son, and Earldom in the 1700s to serve the greater good of mankind, but he can never go back to his former life.
To the agents, the Vault system functions mechanically, however it is a living entity and is feeding off their electromagnetic energy. To get rid/kill it, they have to remove the agrylium in their head, which would make them a vegetable or kill them.
The Vault facility is actually the alien life force manifesting/creating the physical structure from information extracted from the human mind.
Faolan uses his communication device(Comlink), a smart computer with a female personality program, to replace human relationships.
Cam, the chef medic, is supposed to be tamper-proof, but Grayson deactivates Cam and sneaks him to the future where he has him reprogrammed to answer to him without anyone the wiser.
-
Jean’s Plot and Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is designing the layering before creating the show is very important to making a show appealing to producers. It will help me make the right decisions when putting all this information together to create the pilot.
Assignment 1:
THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
Major scheme revealed: Stefan falls for Elana,
but she finds out that his past girlfriend looks just like her and is a
vampire.Mystery revealed: Stefan and Damon are
vampires turned in 1864 and their father was one of the original Mystic
Falls founding fathers.Thought the story was one thing, but it is
another: Daman is back to free Katherine from a tomb under an old church
ruins.Major shift in Meaning; Katherine, whom Stefan
thought had died back in 1864, is alive.Hidden history: Stefan and Damon were both in
love with Katherine.Hidden plan: Damon is using anyone/anybody at
whatever the cost to free Katherine.Major betrayal: Damon puts Elana in harm’s way
to make Stefan and Bonnie help him free Katherine only to discover that
Katherine isn’t in the tomb but the 26 other vampires from 1864 are and
now they are free in Mystic Falls.Assignment 2:
THE VAULT
Plot Surface:
Layer 1: Vault Agency is a time travel agency that fixes the past to make the future better.
Layer 2: Lazarus has recruited Sharra because his future self told contacted him that she will fix the Vault.
Layer 3: Sharra breaks the rules to try to save her parents, creating a paradox.
Layer 4: Two separate timelines – Faolan’s and Sharra’s – crossover and finally converge at the end.
Layer 5: The Head Director has kept the truth from everyone that the agrylium infused in their head is actually alien material and now their lives are attached to it.
Layer 6: Sharra’s family is the crux of the Vault Agency problem – a time loop.
Character Surface:
Layer 1: Sharra thinks she killed her parents 10 years ago and can’t get over it.
Layer 2: She joins the agency, sabotaging her assimilation, for the sole purpose of changing her timeline.
Layer 3: Sharra’s assailant is her sociopathic brother who hated her from birth and has secretly infiltrated into the agency.
Layer 4: She is the catalyst and cure to the Vault’s ailment.
Layer 5: She has been caught in a time
loop and only she can break it. -
Jean’s Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned doing this assignment is that building in open loops into the series needs to be done before any writing is done. These loops will help create drama and conflict and make for interesting watching.
ASSIGNMENT 1
1. Big Picture Loops:
Will Elana hook up with Stefan.
Will Daman ruin Stefan and Elana’s relationship?
Will Elana find out Stefan’s a vampire?
Will Jeremy recover from his parent’s death
and stop acting out?Will Stefan’s relationship with Elana put her in
danger?Will Bonnie’s newly discovered witch power put
her in danger?Will Elana be able to handle Stefan being a
vampire?Will Bonnie be pulled into Stefan/Damon drama?
Will Stefan and Damon be caught and killed by the
Mystic Falls council?2. Watch the next episode and see how those open loops are being used to create the need to see future episodes.
Will newly turned vampire Vicky kill any of her friends, including Jeremy and her brother Matt?
Will Jeremy finally discover that vampires exist?Will Stefan convince Vicky of his way of dealing with the blood lust or will she give in to the craving for human blood?
Will Damon wheedle his way into the confidence of Mayor Lockwood’s wife and the Sheriff who are both on the council?
Will Bonnie embrace her family’s witchy ways?
Will Damon do something good for a change?
ASSIGNMENT 2:
The Vault: Big Picture Loops
Will Sharra overcome all the adversities and become
an agent?Will they finally catch who is trying to stop
Sharra?Will Faolan be caught by his fellow agents?
Will Faolan interfere with Sharra’s
recruitment?Will Tanner and Sharra get together?
Will Faolan and Lazarus resolve their differences?
Will Sharra’s assailant succeed in
stopping/killing her?Will Sharra break the rules in order to change
her own timeline to save her parents?What is going on with their silver tattoos and
the connection to the Vault?-
This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Sharon Scherle.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by
-
Jean’s Show Mysteries: Assignment 1 & 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that like the other lessons, it’s important to brainstorm how the show can create mystery. It needs to be planned beforehand for me to be able to weave in clues starting from the pilot.
Assignment 1:
THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
A. Shocking Event: Stefan reveals to Elana he’s a vampire.
B. Secret: Mayor Lockwood, Sheriff Forbes, and Logan Fell have got the watch invention from the original Gilbert that can find vampires.
C. Investigation:
Who: Elana wants details from Stefan. It all started with Katherine Pearce in 1864.
What: Stefan wants Elana to trust him.
Where: Stefan takes Elana to his families original
home.When: He’s been 17 since 1864.
Why. Katherine used both the Salvatore brothers. She wanted both of them.
How:
Katherine compelled both brothers.Part Withheld: Damon really loved
Katherine. Stefan made Damon drink blood to complete the process of
turning because he didn’t want to be alone.<div>
A. Cover-up: Mystic Falls was infested with vampires in 1864 and the founding fathers killed them all.
</div>B. Secret: The town council all know
about Mystic Falls past and now plan to kill the vampires now in Mystic
Falls. The rest of the town remains clueless.C. Reveals:
Who: The Salvatore brothers signed the original Founding Fathers declaration. The town council have the Gilbert watch
to track vampires.What: Damon is careless with his kills.
Where: Mystic Falls is a center for the paranormal: vampires, werewolves, witches, hybrids.
When: The town council figure out the latest killings are from a vampire.
Why: More bodies are found with the tell-tale
bite marks.How: The council has the journals from the past that they use to figure out how to kill vampires. They shoot wooden
bullets.Part Withheld: The vampires from 1864 survived and are stuck in a cave below the original church ruins. Katherine escaped
and has been out in the world all that time.Assignment 2:
THE VAULT
A. Shocking Event: Sharra is attacked and a man from 1825 shows up to investigate.
B. Secret: What is Vault Agency, why do they want to recruit
Sharra, and why is someone trying to stop her?C. Investigation:
Who are: Lazarus and Tanner, the Wolfe?
What: is the real purpose of Vault Agency and its agents.
What is it with the strange property of their tattoos and Vault
logo and Sharra’s physical reaction to it?
When: are they from? They can time travel.Where: is the Vault located. Where does,
Faolan, Tanner, Lazarus, and Sharra last vanish to?Why: Why is Faolan avoiding others from the Vault?
Why is Sharra so important to Lazarus?How: Lazarus from the future left Lazarus from
the present a note to recruit Sharra.Part Withheld: Sharra’s brother is behind
Sharra’s attacks, and he’s conned his way into finding out the secret to
time travel.A. Cover-up: Everyone thinks the Vault is a
thing/place when in reality, it’s an entity, and it’s dying.B. Secret: Who knows and what does Sharra have to do with it?
C. Reveals:
Who knows: Only Lazarus and Faolan, but Sharra finds out because it needs her to.
What does it want: It feeds off the electromagnetic energy from humans and is slowly starving because the numbers at the Vault have significantly dropped.
Where does Grayson fit into things: Grayson
unknowing is part of its plan – the catalyst to push Sharra to discover its
true nature.When: They are in a time loop that revolves around
Sharra’s family, and can’t get fixed until the Vault has more energy to
break free from it.Why haven’t they told anyone else: Full disclosure before assimilation is a lie. Everyone has been deceived and it’s why
Faolan left.How: All those who joined have one thing in
common – they’ve all experienced tragedy that has scarred them for life, a
procurer to being accepted by the alien life-force because it creates
stronger electromagnetic energy.Part Withheld: The Vault is in the 4<sup>th</sup>
dimension and is an alien force. The agrylium infused into their brain is a part of the alien. The Vault has chosen Sharra due to her empathic nature to be its advocate for survival. If it dies, all those connected to it will die too.-
This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Sharon Scherle.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by
-
Jean’s Show Empathy/Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is just like the previous ones, it takes deliberate thought to make the show binge-worthy. Creating empathy/Distress is a vital part of making that happen. Brainstorming ways and situations ahead of time will help make the process easier to weave them in.
ASSIGNMENT
1:THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
1) Stefan locks up a drugged Damon to keep him out of action.
2) Stefan’s vampire problems get in the way of his relationship with Elana.
3) Damon kills uncle Zak – the act hurts Stefan deeply.
4) Elana and Matt’s relationship remains awkward but getting better.
5) Jeremy is on a downward spiral, trying to find comfort and escape in drugs and loving Vicky.
6) Stefan’s secret keeps getting in the way of Elana’s and his relationship.
7) Bonnie struggles with who she may be – the witch.
8) Elana figures out, putting all the clues together, that Stefan is a vampire.
ASSIGNMENT
2:THE VAULT
1. The death of Sharra’s parents and subsequent abandonment by her brother. Her corrupt boss threatening her life.
2. Sharra’s attacked and stabbed. She thinks it’s her former boss. She joins the agency to get away.
3. Tanner and Faolan are in competition over Sharra and will undermine the other. Every move causes pain to the other and/or Sharra.
4. Tanner’s attacked on her first training mission and almost dies.
5. Sharra plans on going after her attacker alone. The crime boss in 1825 captures her. He knows about the Vault and wants in. Faolan has to expose himself to save her.
6. Sharra puts Tanner and Faolan in danger and must choose to save one.
7. Sharra interacts with her mother in the past. It causes a paradox that puts the Vault in danger of collapsing.
8. When facing J.D. Dash, Sharra’s dilemma is whether to kill him or let him go, knowing he will endanger everyone at the Vault.
9. Lazarus and Tanner know Sharra’s attacker is a Vault agent and keep that a secret from her.
10. At the Vault, Sharra is forced to kill J.D. or be killed, and puts herself at the mercy of the pylons, knowing it will mean her death too.
11. Having to lie to Lazarus that the Vault has linked with her. She can’t tell him because she fears her brain has rejected the agrylium and she’s gone crazy.
-
Jean’s Show Relationship Map
What I learned doing this assignment is that thinking about how the relationships between my main characters will help me build in specific directions that I want the relationships to go. If I hadn’t done this beforehand, it would be difficult to change it later on and have the drama show up from the beginning.
Assignment 1: THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
Stefan Salvatore in relation to Elana Gilbert
Surface: boyfriend/girlfriend
Common Ground: Both lost family. Both keep diaries
Conflict: Stefan is a vampire and doesn’t want Elana to know.
History: Stefan saved Elana’s life a year ago when her parents died in a car crash, but she doesn’t remember.
Subtext: Stefan doesn’t want Elana to find out he’s a vampire from 1864 and Katherine, his former girlfriend who looks just like Elans, was a vampire too.
Relationship arc: from friends to lovers.
Stefan Salvatore in relation to Damon Salvatore
Surface: brothers
Common ground: family, both turned at the same time, both vampires
Conflict: both want Elana
History: Both loved Katherine. Damon has been torturing Stefan since 1864
Subtext: Damon tortures Stefan any way he can. Damon is a loose wire, and Stefan tries to stop/keep him in control.
Relationship arc: From enemies to willing to die for each other
Assignment 1: THE VAULT
Sharra Lane in relation to Tanner Holmes
Surface: recruit/trainer
Common ground: Work together. Both play the hero. Both have lost family.
Conflict: They fight over her safety. Fight over her relationship with Faolan.
History: Tanner has met Sharra on a reconnaissance mission, but Sharra doesn’t remember him.
Subtext: Sharra falls for Faolan but also has feelings for Tanner. Sharra schemes to change her past to save her parents.
Relationship arc: From trainer/student to close friends
Sharra Lane in relation to Faolan
Surface: aquaintances
Common ground: honorable/do the right thing. Both are loners.
Conflict: He doesn’t want her to join the agency and tries to stop it. They fight their feelings for each other.
History: Faolan meets Sharra on her first training mission, but she doesn’t know he’s a rogue agent.
Subtext; Sharra’s need to protect the Vault and herself wars with her feeling for Faolan and her need to fix her past.
Relationship arc: From acquaintances to lovers
Sharra Lane in relation to J.D. Dash
Surface: adversaries
Common ground: Both have a relationship with Grayson, Sharra’s brother.
Conflict: Fight over Lazarus’ handling of the Agency. What ‘freedom’ of the agents means.
History: Associate accountants. For him- as a mission to stop Sharra before she gets recruited.
Subtext: J.D. has been working for her brother, who has been behind her troubles all along.
Relationship arc: from a work associate to destroying each other’s worlds.
Lazarus Maitland in relation to Faolan
Surface: estranged friends
Common ground: Longest together of all the agents. Both see the big picture.
Conflict: Lazarus wants to keep the Vault’s true identity a secret. Faolan wants to expose it.
History: Lazarus saves Faolan from death and takes him to the Vault without his permission. Lazarus broke Faolan’s trust when he revealed the true nature of the Vault after his assimilation.
Subtext: Faolan has unresolved grievances with Lazarus. Lazarus misses Faolan. He’s like a brother to him.
Relationship arc: From distrusting to mutual understanding.
Lazarus Maitland in relation to Tanner Holmes
Surface: Head Director/Trainer
Common ground: long-time friends. Respected
Conflict: Sharra’s training and safety. Tanner’s recklessness.
History: Lazarus stopped Tanner from committing suicide before his recruitment. Tanner is Lazarus’ go-to man.
Subtext: Lazarus is secretly grooming Tanner to take his place as Head Director. Tanner views Lazarus as a father figure.
Relationship arc: Trusted friend to shaky ground.
Lazarus Maitland in relation to Sharra Lane
Surface: Head Director/recruit
Common ground: They both understand loyalty and the greater good over their own needs.
Conflict: Lazarus wanting to hold Sharra back wars with his knowledge that she is the key to fixing what’s wrong with the Vault.
History: Lazarus from the future informed Lazarus from the present to recruit Sharra. Lazarus spied on Sharra and her family before recruiting her.
Subtext: Lazarus thinks of Sharra as a daughter. He has foreknowledge that she will find out his dreaded secret and that her recruitment will hurt him in some way in the future.
Relationship arc: from authoritative to fatherly figure.
-
Jean’s Character Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is that everything is there, under the surface. That’s because it’s been thought out before the show was written and planned into the episodes. I need to do the same to my show and make sure the characters have what it takes to get the audience invested in the characters and keep watching the show.
Assignment One:
Show: THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
STEPHAN SALVATORE
1) Situational:
Hope: Keep Damon in control, Protect Elana and the townsfolk
Fear: Damon will harm Elana, Damon will expose them to the townfolk
2) Motivation:
Want: Acceptance from Elana, to keep Damon away from Elana
Need: to hide his vampirism
3) Mask:
Base Negative Emotion: weak
Public Mask: the all-round good guy
<div>
4) Weaknesses: can’t stand up to his brother,
gives into Elana’s whims
</div><div>5) Triggers: drinking human blood, threatening
Elana</div><div>
6) Coping Mechanism:
</div>
DAMON SALVATORE
1) Situational:
Hope: to drive a wedge between Elana and Stefan
Fear: being alone
2) Motivation:
Want: to torture Stefan
Need: love
3) Mask:
Base Negative Emotion: vulnerable
Public Mask: charming jackass
4) Weaknesses: hurts people he cares about, impulsive
5) Triggers: threatened, treachery
6) Coping Mechanism: attacks, verbally and physically, kills
Assignment Two:
Show: THE VAULT
Sharra Lane
1) Situational:
Hope(goal): to be a good agent
Fear (worry, danger): being killed
2) Motivation:
Want: to be a stronger person
Need: to belong
3) Mask:
Base Negative Emotion: Sadness
Public Mask: Brave
4) Weaknesses: not depending on others
5) Triggers: being abandoned
6) Coping Mechanism: shut down, hide, cry, seclusion, inaction
LAZARUS MAITLAND
1) Situational:
Hope(goal): to fix the Vault
Fear(worry, danger): being found out as a deceiver
2) Motivation:
Want: maintain control and peace
Need: family
3) Mask:
Base Negative Emotion: Failure
Public Mask: the diplomat
4) Weaknesses: hurts people he cares about
5) Triggers: when anyone he loves is threatened, when anyone questions his authority
6) Coping Mechanism: drinks and lies
TANNER HOLMES
1) Situational:
Hope(goal): to make Sharra a great agent, to keep her safe
Fear(worry, danger): failing to keep Sharra safe
2) Motivation:
Want: to be the ‘go to’ man
Need: to prove his worth
3) Mask:
Base Negative Emotion: a fraud
Public Mask: A hero
4) Weaknesses: hot-headed
5) Triggers: being challenged, injustice
6) Coping Mechanism: fight back, blame others, attack back, lash out
FAOLAN
1) Situational:
Hope(goal): to protect Sharra from the Vault
Fear(worry, danger): being exposed
2) Motivation:
Want: truth
Need: redemption
3) Mask:
Base Negative Emotion: violence
Public Mask: civility
4) Weaknesses: always right, uncompromising
5) Triggers: threatened, disloyalty
6) Coping Mechanism: denial, ignore it, pretend it didn’t happen
-
Jean’s Intriguing Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is that building layers into the character to create intrigue doesn’t happen by chance. It takes effort and thought. This process helped me find some interesting avenues for drama that I hadn’t thought of before. I’m excited to write them in.
Assignment 1:
1) Think about your Example Show. Make a list of the places you’ve already seen Character Intrigue in the previous episodes.
<div>
Character Name: Stefan Salvator
</div><div>Role: Vampire come back to Mystic Falls
to get to know ElanaHidden agendas: to get to know Elana and
keep his secret identity from her.Competition: Damon, his brother, wants Elana
too.Conspiracies: With Elana
Secrets: He’s a vampire. So is his brother.
A girl, Katherine from 1864 looks just like Elana. Stefan’s old girlfriendDeception: Pretends to be normal.
Wound: His animosity toward his brother.
Secret Identity: He’s a vampire.
</div>
2) Watch the next episode and see how Character Intrigue is being used to create the need to see more episodes.
<div>
Character Name: Stefan Salvator
</div><div>Role: Elana’s boyfriend
Hidden agendas: To get Bonnie to like him.
To protect Elana from DamonCompetition: With the History teacher/coach, with Tyler
– football,Conspiracies: to find some humanity in Damon.
Secrets: Get Damon away from Elana and Carolyn.
Deception: holds back his vampire strength
and speed while playing football, allows himself to get hurt, Hides his healing
ability from ElanaWound: Years of Damon’s torture,
Secret Identity: He’s a vampire. A hero.
Assignment 2:
Character Name: Sharra Lane
Role: Recruit
Hidden agendas: To change her past,
saving her parentsCompetition: To be the best agent. Affects
Tanner, LazarusConspiracies: with both Tanner and Faolan
against each other as a means to distract them from her digging into the secret
workings of the VaultSecrets: Prefers Faolan but uses Tanner,
Has a connection to the pylons,Deception: She tampers with the assimilation,
then plays the innocent.Wound: lost all her family, blames
herself.Secret Identity: the martyr.
Character Name: Lazarus Maitland
Role: Head Director of Vault Agency
Hidden agendas: Use Sharra to fix the Vault
without her knowledgeCompetition: Maintain his position of power.
Maxum, Tatiana, TannerConspiracies: With Faolan to spy on other
agentsSecrets: Knows the true nature of the
Vault and has to keep it alive at all cost.Deception: Lies about the Vault and the
agrylium. Messes with the timeline to find recruits.Wound: Chose power over love.
Secret Identity: Time travel agent
Character Name: Tanner Holmes
Role: Trainer of Vault Agency
Hidden agendas: Keep control of Sharra.
Competition: With Faolan who wants
Sharra too.Conspiracies: With Faolan to catch the
rogue agent behind Sharra’s and Lazarus’ back,Secrets: A previous affair with Zoe. He killed his father.
Deception: Helps Sharra change her past.
Wound: His father killed his sister and he was too late to save her.
Secret Identity: Time travel agent, The hero.
Character Name: Faolan
Role: Rogue Vault Agent
Hidden agendas: get to know Sharra
without getting involved with the Vault,Competition: Not power, but for truth – against
Lazarus. With Tanner who wants Sharra too.Conspiracies: With Lazarus to find the other rogue agent
Secrets: He’s responsible for the death
of his clan and his wife.Deception: Hides his connection to the
Vault to Sharra,Wound: Chose self-preservation over saving his clan. Punishing himself.
Secret Identity: Time travel, a spy for Lazarus,
investigator, thinks he is honorable</div>
-
Jean’s Engaging Main Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s important to think about what makes a character interesting and engaging and plan it ahead of time.
Assignment One:
The Vampire Diaries
Stefan Salvatore
A. Role in the show: A vampire coming
home for a new start.B. Unique Purpose: He’s there to get to know
Elena, who looks just like his former girlfriend from 1864.C. Intrigue: Stefan and Damon were both in love with Katherine. Stefan is a vampire, and the town, including Elana, doesn’t know it.
D. Moral Issue: He gets involved in the teenage school scene, putting Elana’s and her family and friends’ lives at risk.
E. Unpredictable: Will he drink human blood to beat Damon or not? Will he kill his brother?
F. Empathetic: He’s kind and caring and trying to do the right thing.
Assignment Two:
THE VAULT
Sharra
A. Role in the show: The reluctant hero that we live through as she goes on her journey.
B. Unique Purpose: Learns the true scale of what it means to be a Vault Agent, uncovering the real identity of the Vault.
C. Intrigue: With each step further step into their secret world, she searches for a way to change her past. Making her dangerous to the Vault.
D. Moral Issue: Being put into more and more
dangerous positions, Sharra turns to violence, becoming what she despises.E. Unpredictable: Sharra becomes more of a risk-taker. By the end, she goes up against J.D. alone to save the Vault.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care? Sharra is innocent, caring. She didn’t choose this new life.
</div>
Lazarus
A. Role in the show: The Head Director of
Vault Agency head-hunts Sharra because his future self had left him a
message to do it.B. Unique Purpose: To get Sharra assimilated to save the Vault.
Expertise: Has been the longest at the Vault and uses his position to control egocentric agents.
C. Intrigue: He knows that something is wrong
with the alien force, and that it’s connected to Sharra.D. Moral Issue: He puts Sharra in harm’s way,
to draw out her assailant. He damages friendships breaks rules that he had put into place to keep Sharra alive, but not for her, but for the Vault because if it dies, they all do.E. Unpredictable: He lies to hide his secrets
with causes him to drink.F. Empathetic: A man with the weight of the
world on his shoulder, trying to do good in an impossible situation.Tanner
A. Role in the show: Chief Trainer of
Vault Agency is assigned to look after an ill-qualified recruit.B. Unique Purpose: To train Sharra and protect
her when they learn someone wants her dead.Expertise: Ex naval seal
C. Intrigue: He secretly falls for her and
tries to hide it until Faolan becomes a rival for her affections.D. Moral Issue: How far will he go to keep
Sharra safe? Will he compromise the Vault and their way of life?E. Unpredictable: A bit reckless, Tanner reacts before he thinks. The attempts on Sharra escalate. Tanner breaks protocols to rescue her.
F. Empathetic: Tanner has a good heart and is
a loyal friend even when he is tested.Faolan
A. Role in the show: Vault agent who has
a beef with Lazarus and is in hiding.
B. Unique Purpose: Investigate the mystery
surrounding Sharra.
Expertise: Investigative and weapons
expertiseC. Intrigue: He keeps his presence undetected
by his fellow agents. They think he’s the rogue agent.D. Moral Issue: He risks infiltrating the
Vault to gather intel on Sharra though it makes him a suspect.E. Unpredictable: Will he reveal himself to
Sharra, Lazarus, and Tanner and risk exposing himself? Will Lazarus’ and
his beef get in the way?F. Empathetic: Faolan’s motivations are pure.
He’s an idealist. His relationship with his Com is touching and sad. We
realize that he is alone.-
This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Sharon Scherle.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Sharon Scherle.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by
-
Jean’s Three Circles of Characters
Show: THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
A. Main Characters Circle: Elana Gilbert, Stefan Salvatore, Damon Salvatore
B. Connected Circle: Bonnie Bennett, Carolyn Forbes, Jeremy Gilbert, Jenna, Tyler, Vicky, Matt,
C. Environment Circle: Classmates, teachers, coaches, town folk, Mystic Grill staff, hospital staff
-
Lesson 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is important to understand where the characters fit in the story and assign them to a circle. That circle will determine how much time they spend on the page and how they interact with the main characters. Doing this now will save time when it comes to designing the show.
THE VAULT
A. Main Characters Circle:
Sharra Lane(24) Fresh-faced, optimistic, genuine. She’s a low-maintenance kind of girl, unaware of her own beauty. The recruit.
Lazarus Maitland (45) British, aristocratic-type oozing sophistication and power. He’s the head of the agency.
Tanner Holmes(33) Cocky, impulsive, and easy on the eyes. A guy you want on your side. He’s the Vault Trainer and an all-around good guy. The protector of the female sex.
Faolan(30) Scotman, darkly handsome, a keen intelligence, and honorable to a fault. A former agent with a gripe against Lazarus.
B. Connected Circle: Cam, Ailbe, Grimm Hannay, Max, Katherine Hyde, Tatiana Ivonovic, Araylai, Antonio Rossi, Zoe Fox, Viktor, J.D Dash, Greyson Lane
C. Environment Circle: Vault agents, business people, receptionist, Accountant boss and staff, butler, housekeeper, mugger, medical staff, movers, taxi driver
-
-
TV Show: THE VAMPIRE DIARIES 5-STAR MODEL
What I learned is that the pilot I watched had all five of the 5 Star Points. When you watch a show, you don’t think about these points. However, watching it with the purpose of finding those points, it is plain to see what they are and how they were executed and layered.
Opening scene: a couple on the road hit someone. They stop. The man goes to check. Gets attacked. Mysteriously falls on their car, freaking the girl out. The girl runs screaming. Attacked but we can’t see who/what it is.
Stefan’s bedroom: Stefan has to know her. Who?
Elana’s Bedroom: Elena writes in her diary about starting fresh. Intro of Jenna- scatter-brained aunt, Jeremy, her stoner brother.
Bonnie’s car: Intro Bonnie talks about her witch grandmother. Doesn’t believe her. Hits a bird. Scares Elena. Bonnie predicts that the sadness is over and Elena be beyond happy.
Kids at school. Elena spots Matt. Matt turns away. There’s something between them. Intro of Caroline.
Jeremy doing drugs with Vicky. Intro of Tylor. They fight over Vicky. Jeremy likes her too.
School: Stefan in office – mind controls secretary. Elena confronts her brother in the boys’ bathroom for smoking. Bonnie gets bad vibes from Stephan. Carolyn is very interested. Elana bumps into Stefan – instant connection.
History class: Elana and Stefan google-eye each other.
Graveyard: Elena sits at her parents’ grave and writes about her day, how she fakes making it through the day. She gets scared by the strange fog and a figure and runs. She falls, hurts herself. Stefan is there. She thinks he’s followed her. Misunderstanding, he’s visiting the cemetery too. Family. They connect. She notices his family ring. It’s a family heirloom. She likes it. Something is wrong. She pulls up her pant leg, Blood! He turns away his face is weird and tells her to go take care of it. She turns and he is gone.
Stefan’s bedroom: That night, Stefan writes that he can’t resist her and knows that it’s dangerous.
The Mystic Grill: Vicky busts tables. We learn she deflowered the younger Jeremy. They fight about Tyler. Carolyn spills everything she’s learned about Stefan to Bonnie.
Elana’s house: Elana goes to leave. Stefan is at the door. He apologizes for earlier. Gives the diary she dropped at the cemetery. She finds out that he keeps diaries too. They connect again. She didn’t quite invite him in. He tries but can’t. She invites him to go with her to meet a friend. They leave together.
Mystic Grill: Matt talks to Bonnie about his and Elana’s breakup. Elana needed space and in she walks with Stefan. Awkward. The three girls drill Stefan with questions. Invites him to the back-to-school party at the falls. Stefan asks if Elana is going.
Stefan’s house: Uncle Zak accuses Stefan of the latest attacks. It’s not him. Zak wants him to leave. Stefan wants to stay. Stefan pulls out an old diary. A picture of Elana in Colonial dress! But it says Katherine 1864.
History class; Teacher is mean to Elana. Stefan shows up the teacher with his knowledge of dates and Mystic Falls history
Mystic Falls: Night of the party: Stefan seeks out Elana, using super hearing, Bonnie and Elana joke about her psychic abilities, they grab a bottle, Bonnie gets a vision about a bird and fog, it freaks her out. Elana bumps into Stefan. Stefan gets her to talk about the car accident last year, her parent’s death. She survived.
The Woods: Tylor tries to force sex on Vicky. Jeremy comes to the rescue. She’s not happy about it. Thinks he too only wants sex.
The Party: Stefan asks Elana about Matt. She admits that it wasn’t passionate. His face changes. She notices and he makes an excuse and leaves.
The Woods: Vicky is alone, calls for Jeremy. The fog returns. A figure is behind her. She turns. He’s in front now and attacks. She screams.
The Party: Matt confronts Elena about leaving him and he’s not giving up on them.
Carolyn a little drunk flirts with Stefan, he tells her it’s not going to happen. Elena explains Carolyn’s personality to Stefan then sees her drunken brother. Goes after him.
The Woods: Elana chases after Jeremy. Jeremy stumbles over Vicky on the ground. Her neck is covered in blood. Thinks she’s dead. She’s not. Matt goes crazy and looks accusingly at Stefan.
Stefan’s house: Stefan tells Zak there’s been another attack and it wasn’t him. Upstairs, Daman appears. It’s been 15 years. Stefan’s not happy and wants to know why he’s there. There’s bad blood between them. Stefan calls Daman messy re: Vicky. Damon knows why Stefan is back in Mystic Falls – Elana.
The Party: Vicky is taken away by ambulance. Matt goes with her. Bonnie tells Elana there’s no way she’s psychic but she has this feeling that this is just the beginning.
Stefan’s bedroom: Daman says Elena is a dead ringer for Katherine and reminds him how that didn’t end well. Damon goads Stefan about drinking animal blood. Makes him weak. Pushes him to taste human blood – Elana’s blood. Daman knows what blood tastes like and loves it. Stefan flips out. Vampire angry face. Flies at Damon. They crash through the window…
Outside Salvatore house: …and land on the ground two stories down. Stefan gets up. Where did Damon go? Damon sits casually to the side. He is fast. Teases Stefan some more. Stefan accuses Damon of killing people. Demands him to stay away from Elena. Damon has taken Stefan’s ring unbeknownst to him. Without it, he will burn in the sun. Again, Damon is teasing(in a bad way) and gives it back. Stefan doesn’t trust Daman, takes it cautiously, and puts it on. Damon attacks, picking up Stefan by the throat and tossing him. Damon is stronger because he feeds on people. Their fight wakes up Zak.
The Party: Jeremy is drinking. Police are there. Elana makes him throw it away. People don’t care anymore that their parents are dead. The world has moved on. Jeremy accuses Elana of not moving on either re; the diaries.
Mystic Grill: a drunken Carolyn moans to Bonnie about why Stefan didn’t go for her and went for Elana who doesn’t even try. Bonnie tries to smooth things out. Carolyn views it as a competition
Hospital: Vicky’s neck is bandaged. Wakes up. Matt’s there. She tries to talk and says one word – vampire.
The next two scenes are intercut:
Elana’s house: Elana writes about her day. Pretend like it all be okay, without the pain VO, someone alive(they say at the same time), It’s not that easy.
Stefan’s house looks at Katherine’s picture VO of him writing He had planned to change who he was, create a life with someone new, without the past, without the pain, someone alive( they say at the same time). They follow you.
Jeremy’s room: from the doorway, Jenna watches Jeremy stare at a photo of his parents.
Mystic Grill: Bonnie gets up. Damon is behind her at a table. Carolyn, looking sad, spots him. He nods her over. She smiles.
Elana’s house: Elana spots Stefan through the window and goes to the door. He wants to make sure she’s okay. She tells people she’s fine. He asks if she means it. She says ask her tomorrow and invites him in. He steps in. She closes the door.
Five Key Points:
1) Big Picture Hooks
Ask this: What is the big hook of this show?Vampires! Someone who looks just like Elana from 1864.
2) Amazing and Intriguing Character
Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?Stefan’s a vampire but he seems kind and doesn’t want to drink human blood.
Damon is Stefan’s brother and the complete opposite. Trouble with a T.
3) Empathy / Distress
Ask this: What situation causes us to feel both empathy and distress for this character?Elana lost her parents a year ago. She’s feeling lost.
Stefan wants to be close to Elana but wars with his vampire side.
4) Layers / Open Loops
Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?Who are Stefan and Damon? Who is Katherine? And what is her connection to Elena.? Will Elana hook up with Stefan? Will she find out he’s a vampire? Who else will Damon hurt/kill? Elana? Does Bonnie really have abilities?
5) Inviting Obsession
Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?Interesting characters. The dynamics between Stefan and Damon. VAMPIRES!
Supernatural feel. Dark and gritty, not just your normal teen drama show.
Watch the same first episode A SECOND TIME while looking at your 5 Star Point analysis. This time, your purpose is to see beyond the obvious answers. Assume there is more to learn and discover it!
The Salvatore brother’s feud goes back from the ‘beginning.’ What beginning. Damon has promised an eternity of torture. Who is Uncle Zak? Is he really related to them? What is their relationship with Katherine?
Stefan knows things about Mystic Falls that others do not.
Aunt Jenna is Elana’s and Jeremy’s only relative. There had to be others.
Bonnie’s grandma is a witch.
Elana and Bonnie are best friends with Carolyn a close second.
-
Hi Everyone. My name is Jean Gilbert
I’ve written 6 scripts. Three feature films and three pilot
I hope to jump onto the binge-worthy craze which means I need to improve my skill to meet to write what producers are demanding.
I have Face Blindness. I don’t even recognize myself. Yeah, it’s a real thing. 🙂 So you have to remind me how I know you. That would be very helpful.
Cheers,
Jean
-
Jean Gilbert
“I agree to the terms of this release form.”
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
-
Hi Ron.
Thank you for the welcome. I’m excited about taking this class. I’m full of ideas and can’t wait to get them fleshed out.
I look forward to seeing you on the forums.
Cheers,
Jean