Shannon Collier
Forum Replies Created
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I haven’t written my final scene yet outside of an outline. I have it wrapping up my 3 main character’s stories, the good guys get their man, but the bad guy is beloved by now too, and the good guys aren’t great. I have a twist at the very end that I want to make sure I really capture. So I’m not sure how much I want to focus on the other stories, just to make sure I do the twist justice. I’ll make sure to focus on interesting dialogue and give a satisfying ending.
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Se7ven
I spend this entire last scene shouting at the screen, hoping that’s it’s going to end another way, but I know it can’t, because this ending is perfect. We’re helpless as we watch it unfold, hoping David won’t do what we all would do in that situation, even William knows he’s going to do it. The satisfaction that would come from killing him, but hating to do it knowing he’s been a pawn in his plan all along is written so well in Pitt’s actions – raising the gun, fighting it, raising it again; you can see the angel and devil on his shoulders – the proverbial battle of good vs evil happening inside him.
Scene Arc – David has Doe in a field, they have successfully captured him. William unboxes David’s wife’s head while Doe explains to David its contents. William, knowing the effect this will have on David, runs to him to intervene, but Doe has revealed everything leaving David reeling. Doe guides David to complete his plan, revealing the 7th sin.
Situation – They’ve captured Doe before he can commit any more murders. David is with Doe, at gunpoint, while William is at a distance with a mysterious box.
Conflict – Most significant conflict here is inner conflict – David so desperately tries to fight it, but evil wins. Other conflicts are David vs Doe and David vs. William, which are the external representation of the battle taking place inside David.
Moving Story Fwd & Conclusion – This scene really pulls the rug out from under the story. It looks to be wrapped up with a happy ending, but then this scene happens and the story veers off on a very different path. Once on that path, it’s easy to predict how it’s going to end, leaving us yelling at the screen, then wrapping it all up very neatly with a bow. It’s awful, horrific, and oddly satisfying. The story ends here, but we know where it goes. So tragic!
New Status-quo – We think the cops have the upper hand, but this scene flips it all on its head, Doe is the only winner in the end.
Delivering Character
– Doe: reveals his level of psychosis, his cunningness, his complete disregard for life, the passion behind his choices.
– David: We know his cocky, hotheaded personality will get him into trouble at some point and Doe uses this to his advantage, truly challenging David’s nature, and ultimately caving in to it.
– William: We’ve seen his level headedness throughout and it once again shines through as the voice of reason. But deep down, he knows how this is going to end.
Interesting Dialogue
William’s line “There’s blood” fills us in on what’s in the box, it’s going to be bad. His next lines are completely muffled by his distance, blocking his chances at warning David. Clearly though, we hear Doe’s lines, softly spoken delivering deadly blows. Throughout Doe’s monologue, we hear David interject with this disbelief and grief. Doe’s casual use of his words and calm demeanour manipulate the situation and ensure David goes through with it. He could have been more secretive or mysterious, saying something like “What do you think’s in the box?”, but he’s just so blatant and straightforward, “I took a souvenir, her pretty head”. There’s no questions about what’s in the box or what Doe’s motives are.
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A Few Good Men
The battle in this scene is fought with words. Our hero, the lieutenant, at the top of the scene plays himself up as weak by not speaking a word (watching a second time, it becomes clear he is considering the effects of what he is about to do as well as mustering the courage) and the colonel takes the bait. His cockiness leads him to reveal critical information, mater-of-factly, calmly, certain of an easy victory. With the colonel seated well within his trap, the lieutenant strikes, using the colonel’s answers against him. Once the colonel recognizes he is cornered, he uses various techniques to get out – lashing out, looking for allies, criticizing his attacker, back-pedalling, turning his back on help, and ultimately confessing with a sense of righteousness and pride. The lieutenant is surprised at his own delivery of the critical blow, while the colonel has yet to realize the gravity of this move. The lieutenant moves swiftly to soften the blow, revealing humanity and selflessness – ensuring the colonel is taken care of and read his rights. We think this is the end of the battle, but the scene comes to a final climax when the colonel discovers his fate, lashing out with one final attempt to strike down his enemy, this time also physically. But our hero delivers the final blow, standing up for himself and putting the colonel firmly in his place.
A fantastic scene arc, with lots of rising and falling action, with an ultimate climax at the end. While well written, a huge part of the success of this scene is due to the delivery of the lines by the actors. Their use of silence, whispers, talking, and shouting is what allows the delivery of these lines to be so powerful.
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My scene didn’t originally exist, but I decided to write it to add a clear turning point for my character. Originally, just ‘the bad guy’, in writing this scene, I’ve given him some humanity, and he’s turning into one of my main protagonists. I want the audience to understand why he does what he does, how he goes from being an average joe to being a murderer, understanding the creation of a psychopath. I’m not sure I’ll keep this scene, I’ll have to see if it reveals too much of the story, but it’s taken me on a different path that I’m kind of liking. In my scene, there’s a group of people with strong opinions about drugs and the problems it’s creating in their community. My protagonist has had a very bad day, has been triggered by something very traumatic (the inciting incident); then listening to this conversation, makes a choice which sends him on a very different path.
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Bridesmaids – This scene is great because it’s so relatable. Who hasn’t wanted to flip out like this, but play it out in our head a million times instead. Except Annie actually does it. It’s so satisfying, mortifying, hilarious, and devastating. Comedy at its best – the audience revelling in a character’s horrible situation and choice of actions. Massive entertainment value in this scene. The turning point is practically right off the top of this scene. The setup from the previous scenes, and into this sickeningly sweet, over the top, perfectly extravagant party, allows the turning point to come in with a bang. Annie has been controlling her behaviour up to this point, but her insecurities combined with an overstep by Helen, cause Annie to tip over the edge from which there is no going back, and so she rides it all the way down. It’s so satisfying and painful to watch; and it’s clear this is the point where everything changes.
<font face=”inherit”>Scene Arc – Starts in with the perfect party and Helen giving Lillian the ultimate gift & punch in the gut to Annie; Annie reaches her breaking point and begins to pour out her feelings; she looks for allies, but left isolated, tries to convince the other party goers of her position through wilder and wilder actions and </font>accusations; the scene climaxes when Lillian confronts Annie; Lillian gives Annie an ultimatum, to which Annie storms off; the scene ending with Lillian breaking down in front of her guests, revealing a hint of Lillian’s bottled up feelings.
The dialogue in this scene is on point for someone who is letting go of all the negative thoughts she’s been holding in, there’s no control, no rational, it jumps between thoughts, no concern for consequences. Once Lillian jumps in, it’s a full blown argument – voices are elevated, feelings are intentionally being hurt, emotions are raw and revved up.
This scene is all about conflict. Annie vs. Helen, Annie vs. Party Goers, Annie vs. Lillian, Lillian vs. Helen, Annie vs. Party Goers, and ultimately Annie vs. Annie (her own insecurities around her less than stellar life).
This scene sets up the next part of the film, the upwards battle for our heroin, climbing out of the pit she’s dug, through self discovery and with the help of true friendship.
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Inciting Incident – 12 men on a jury are voting. It could be simple – they all vote guilty, but then there’d be no story. Instead, 1 man votes not guilty and refuses to change his vote without a discussion first, thus propelling the film on its journey.
The arc in this scene is
– 12 men are in a room voting on a verdict
1 man doesn’t agree
Some of the others express their disapproval
A compromise is reached– The tone of the film is set – suspenseful, character development, dialogue heavy
– The lead character is introduced off the top, as the man who is in disagreement. His character, nature, and disposition are clearly shown here.
– Others’ characters are also coming into light, with some being easier going, while others are quite confrontational. Not all characters have been introduced, but likely the most important ones are.
The scene lures us in – will he change his mind, or will the others be persuaded to change theirs.
The twist at the end of the scene is that the men agree to take the hour and open up about their decisions.
The stakes are set here, and they’re high – a life hangs in their decision.
It leaves us asking many questions: Who is this boy?
What did he do?
What evidence was given
What does everyone feel about the evidence, the boy, being there.
Who are these men? -
After re-examining my opening scene, I’m relatively happy with it. I start in the middle of the action, introduced my characters, revealed certain things about their personalities, brought in conflict. I have a teaser before my opening scene that sets the tone – it’s a murder. My opening scene comes in light and comedic, but then quickly becomes dark and full of conflict. It brings up lots of questions and has some foreshadowing in it.
The only real change I’ve made to it so far is shortening the dialogue. It was wordy and I could see most of it landing on the editor’s floor. I’m still not thrilled with the dialogue and will likely rework it many more times.
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As a member of this group, I, Shannon Steele, agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hello!
I’m Shannon Steele.
I’ve just started into the world of screenwriting last year (unless you count a radio play I wrote in grade 10). I’ve written 2 short films and a play this past year – all of which I’m delighted to say have been produced. I’m in the process of writing 2 more shorts and a feature film.
I’ve take a couple courses on screenwriting and playwriting, but am constantly looking at how to improve my work. As I write more material, the more I know I don’t know. Hoping this class will help answer some of those questions, get me thinking in new and exciting ways, motivate me to keep writing, and teach me lots.
I’m an actor originally but have struggled to find work where I presently live (Calgary). It’s an up and coming place, but I just don’t have the experience yet to crack the glass ceiling. So instead of sitting around for work to come to me, I’ve decided to make my own work and cast myself. I’ve made some amazing connections and friends in the industry and together we are making movie (and theatre) magic!
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This scene is great because it starts right into the action. The masks immediately tell us that these people want to stay anonymous, not letting us know right away if they’re good or bad. The close up on the one mask leads us to pay it particular focus and allows for subtle foreshadowing. In the van, the characters reveal their intentions, leading us to know they are now up to no good, and explains who the lead character is. The writer jumps to another shot of more robbers, continuing the dialogue, further explaining the Joker while advancing the scene (more characters, doing more things). As each key member of the team completes their tasks and is killed off, questions are quickly coming up for the audience and just as quickly being answered, allowing us to anticipate the path this heist will take, leading us to question who is at the end of it all and trying to figure out the mastermind’s plan. The bank manager is an interesting character to add to this scene, as he provides secondary information about himself, the bank, as well as what ulterior motives the Joker may have in robbing it. It leaves a lot of questions too about what the manager is saying – what has happened to this city? what has happened to the crime here?
All dialogue in this scene advances the story, nothing is by accident or added unnecessarily.
The scene is fast paced, building an excited state in the audience, allowing enough time to process the action, but without losing our attention, and ultimately building anticipation.
There’s a simple and obvious scene arc – moving to the bank, through the bank, killing off each member, leaving only 1, which ultimately reveals himself as the Joker, and ends with one final piece of carnage with us now in the know.
There’s significant conflict in this scene – robbers vs robbers; robbers vs citizens; robbers vs. Joker, manager vs. robbers, manager vs. Joker. The conflict is short and quickly resolved; but the manager is given special time and attention, the scene slows here, the dialogue important, providing character development.
What this scene does for the story is that it reveals Joker’s character – what he is capable of, why he does what he does, his nature, and a glimpse of his personality.
This scene set the tone for the film – dark, violent, unnerving, suspenseful, action, with an odd sense of comedic lightness (it’s sick, twisted, and subtle, but it’s there).