[Shelley darling]

LOGLINE: Discovering Carley is leaving town, Marcus is caught in a riptide of emotions knowing he needs to deliver her the cease and desist order.

ESSENCE: Finally trusting Marcus’s love, Carley’s nightmarish betrayal couldn’t get worse.

SCENE: EXT. CEMETERY PARKING LOT – DAY

In the parking lot of the Forest Inn, Carley, (34) dressed in teal blazer and pressed black linen skirt, and a luggage filled car is getting out, when Marcus, (44) in his casual ‘cowboy’ attire of boots, levis, and flannel shirt drives up and lets Pepper out of the back of his beat up truck.

MARCUS

Hey Babe – What’s up with the formal look?

You going somewhere? I thought we were heading over to the lake.

CARLEY

Sorry, I didn’t let you know. I really wanted to spend the day with you, but something came up, and I’ve got to go back to Boston to be with the family.

MARCUS

Wait, running away again?

What about your mission with the ghosts, dream girl?

CARLEY

(reaching for kiss)

Gotta go, my dad’s insisting. You know plans change, sweetie.

MARCUS

(grabs her into his arms)

Hey, just yesterday we had a plan and now you’re backing out on me?

I need an hour-you have to stay here with me.

CARLEY

Look cowboy, you’re not my boss.

MARCUS

Sorry for being overbearing.

Besides, you can’t leave our dog, Pepper hanging. You two just met.

CARLEY

I only booked my room for the week.

MARCUS

You said you didn’t have a home anymore.

When are you coming back?

CARLEY

(laughing)

I don’t know.

Why? Do you think we have a future together?

MARCUS

You know you need to focus and get on with your investigations.

CARLEY

Investigations? Hmm, I never used that word.

MARCUS

(Catching himself)

Oh, yes, right? Error in your favor.

CARLEY

Hey, I’ve got something to show you,

I discovered at the cemetery. Let’s walk over.

MARCUS

Hold on. I gotta grab something from the truck first.

CARLEY

What’s up?

MARCUS

(slyly grabs envelope from dash)

Hold on.

CARLEY

(coyly)

Is that something for me?

MARCUS

(Places envelope in his jacket)

Stop being so snoopy. C’mon here.

(Scoops her up-kisses her)

Marcus, with his arm around Carley walks toward the Cemetery.

CARLEY

Do you know anything about the Confederate soldier Robert Cheever?

MARCUS

Heard he was a wild romantic, came up here to sweep up one of those New England rich girls..

CARLEY

Funny-great storyteller you are.

Why would a Confederate soldier be buried in a Maine resort family cemetery?

MARCUS

(a bit nervous)

What are you getting at? That’s it!

You’re after the treasure, too?

CARLEY

No, it’s just that I met this aged,

a satiated drunk guy dressed in a tattered Confederate jacket and he told me that…

MARCUS

(Grumbles)

Stop… enough!

Your ongoing distractions are killing me.

CARLEY

Whoa, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Didn’t Pep bring you your coffee?

MARCUS

Why are you really here?

Dreams. Now the treasure and water?

Let’s get to the point.

The word is that you have been digging up dirt surrounding the water corp?

CARLEY

Wait, a minute. I said nothing about the water.

What are you getting at?

MARCUS

Well, Why are you REALLY here and where are you going off so fast?

CARLEY

Somethings off here, love.

I really thought this time; you were someone I could trust.

Caught in a riptide of emotions of confusion and anger, Marcus jumps up on the Confederate Soldiers’ gravestone as the envelope with Cease and Desist drops out of his pocket.

Carley stretches to pick up the envelope and opens it.

CARLEY

What the hell is this? I’m so pissed at myself for believing in you.

I should have known better.

MARCUS

It seems like you have been playing me too?

CARLEY

(Slams her foot down)

Me playing you?

You’re the delivery boy for a business you don’t even want to be a part of, and you’ve chosen that instead of us!

MARCUS

Oh, you who walk around distracted in rose-colored glasses.

I’ve been trying to protect you!

CARLEY

How is delivering a cease and desist protecting me?

I’m not your china doll!

MARCUS

Those fuckers. They pushed me into it.

CARLEY

That’s it. I’m out here, I’m done!

MARCUS

Go then. It’ll be written on your gravestone… she ran away.

Just like your father.

CARLEY

(walking away at a fast pace-yelling)

Fuck you! Maybe in the past, I did.

At least I’m not running away from myself anymore.

MARCUS

Carley, I’m sorry-really I am.

I…I…

CARLEY

Love me? Is that what you wanted to say?

Or is this another one of your self-created stories that sex is better after a fight?

Carley rips and throws the Cease and Desist on the ground.

MARCUS

I know I haven’t been trustworthy-I’ll make it up to you.

and. sex sounds like a great idea.

Marcus picks up Carley and lays her on the Confederate soldier’s gravestone, passionately lifting her skirt, noting she has no underwear on.

CARLEY

mmm..

Marcus-Marcus, did you hear that? The rustling in the bushes? I think someones there-

MARCUS

Stay focused on the feeling, babe… this is how you like it isn’t it?

Tell me how you like it…

Shocking Marcus, Nancy, his past swinging partner, and Pete, his nemesis at the corporation, jump out from behind the bushes. Coveting Carley with his body he combs his growing beard with his hand.

MARCUS

What the hell?

NANCY

Markie-I did not know you were so creative!

Imagine that, using the cemetery for our swinging date.

PETE

(smirking)

You had one job to do- (bending over hilariously laughing)

yup, caught a red-handed, -a true sucker.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darlingl QE Cycle#6 Scene

LOGLINE: Carley divulges the mystery surrounding the Confederate soldier’s lost treasure. Moses, needing to deliver the cease and desist order, is caught in a riptide of emotions.

ESSENCE: Finally trusting Marcus, Carley is beside herself when betrayed.

In the parking lot of the Forest Inn, Carley, (34) dressed in teal blazer and pressed black linen skirt, and a luggage-filled car is getting out, when Marcus, (44) in his casual ‘cowboy’ attire of boots, Levis, and flannel shirt drives up and lets Pepper out of the back of his beat-up truck.

SCENE: EXT. CEMETERY PARKING LOT – DAY

MARCUS

Hey Babe – What’s up with the formal look?

Are you going somewhere? I thought we were heading over to the lake.

CARLEY

Sorry I didn’t let you know. I wanted to spend the day with you, but something came up, and I’ve got to go back to Boston to be with the family.

MARCUS

Wait, running away again?

What about your mission with the ghosts, dream girl?

CARLEY

(reaching for kiss)

I’ve to go, my dad’s insisting. Plans sometimes change, sweetie.

MARCUS

(grabs her into his arms)

Hey, yesterday we had a plan, and now you’re backing out on me?

I need an hour-you have to stay here with me.

CARLEY

Look, cowboy, you’re not my boss.

MARCUS

Sorry, guess I’m being a little overbearing.

Besides, you can’t leave our dog, Pepper, hanging. You two just met.

CARLEY

I only booked my room for the week.

MARCUS

You said you didn’t have a home anymore.

When are you coming back?

CARLEY

(laughing)

I don’t know.

Why? Do you think we have a future together?

MARCUS

You know you need to focus and get on with your investigations.

CARLEY

Investigations? Hmm…I never used that word.

MARCUS

(Catching himself)

Oh, yes, right. Error in your favor.

CARLEY

Hey, I’ve got something to show you,

I’ve discovered at the cemetery. Let’s walk over.

MARCUS

Hold on. I have got to grab something from the truck first.

CARLEY

What’s up?

MARCUS

(slyly grabs envelope from the dash)

Hold on.

CARLEY

(coyly)

Is that something for me?

MARCUS

(Stuffs envelope in his jacket)

Stop being so snoopy. C’mon here.

(Scoops her up-kisses her)

Marcus, with his arm around Carley, walks toward the Cemetery.

CARLEY

Do you know anything about the Confederate soldier, Robert Cheever?

MARCUS

Heard he was a wild romantic, came up here to sweep up one of those New England rich girls..

CARLEY

Funny-great storyteller you are.

Why would a Confederate soldier be buried in a Maine resort family cemetery?

MARCUS

(a bit nervous)

What are you getting at? That’s it!

You’re after the treasure, too?

CARLEY

No, it’s just that I met this aged, satiated drunk guy dressed in a tattered Confederate jacket and, well, he told me…

MARCUS

(Grumbles)

Stop… enough!

Your ongoing distractions are killing me.

CARLEY

Whoa, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Didn’t Pep bring you your coffee?

MARCUS

Cmon, truth. Why are you REALLY here?

Dreams. Now the treasure and water?

Let’s get to the point.

The word is that you have been digging up dirt surrounding the water corp?

CARLEY

Wait, a minute. I said nothing about the water.

What are you getting at?

MARCUS

Well, Why are you here, and tell me the truth where are you going off so fast?

CARLEY

something’s seriously off here, love.

I thought this time; you were someone I could trust.

Caught in a riptide of emotions of confusion and anger, Marcus jumps up on the Confederate Soldiers gravestone as the envelope with Cease and Desist drops out of his pocket. Carley stretches to pick up the envelope and opens it.

CARLEY

What the hell is this? I’m so pissed at myself for believing in you.

I should have known better.

MARCUS

It seems like you have been playing me too?

CARLEY

(Slams her foot down)

Me playing you?

You’re the delivery boy for a business you don’t even want to be a part of, and you’ve chosen that instead of us!

MARCUS

Oh, you who walk around distracted in rose-colored glasses.

I’ve been trying to protect you!

CARLEY

How is delivering a cease and desist protecting me?

I’m not your china doll.

MARCUS

Those fuckers. They pushed me into it.

CARLEY

That’s it. I’m out here, I’m done!

MARCUS

Go then. It’ll be written on your gravestone…she ran away.

Just like your dad.

CARLEY

(walking away at a fast pace-yelling)

Fuck you! Maybe in the past I did.

At least I’m not running away from myself anymore.

MARCUS

Carley, I’m sorry-really I am.

I…I…

CARLEY

Love me? Is that what you wanted to say?

Or is this another one of your self-created stories that sex is better after a fight?

Carley rips and throws the Cease and Desist on the ground.

MARCUS

I know I haven’t been trustworthy-I’ll make it up to you.

and. sex sounds like a great idea.

Marcus picks up Carley and lays her on the Confederate soldier’s gravestone, passionately lifting her skirt, noting she has no underwear on.

CARLEY

mmm..

Marcus-Marcus did you hear that? The rustling in the bushes?

MARCUS

Stay focused on the feeling babe…this is how you like it isn’t it?

Tell me how you like it…

Shocking Marcus, Nancy his past swinging partner, and Pete, his nemesis at the corporation, jump out of the bushes.

NANCY

Markie-I had no idea you were so creative!

Imagine that, using the cemetery for our swinging date.

PETE

(smirking)

You had one job to do- (bending over hilariously laughing)

yup, caught red handed-a true sucker.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Shelley darling.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darling Writes QW Cycle #5 Scene

LOGLINE: In a heated water protest, uncaring Water Corp officials take note as Brandy, a novice journalist, has stopped filming enraged community members to interview the local native Chief.

ESSENCE: Brandy meets her match when colliding with Phillip’s unyielding dogmatism.

SCENE: EXT. COMMUNITY WATER PROTEST – DAY

In the middle of a maddening crowd during a heated street protest, Phillip (44), a stocky, gregarious mixed-race middle-aged guy dressed in ripped jeans and a worn-out Earth Day tee shirt, stands scanning the crowd next to a huddle of finely dressed Water corporation executives.

PETE

(Handing Phillip his hat)

Go on, cowboy, get out there and do your job.

Stay away from any pretty reporters.

PHILLIP

No need for insults.

Have you called the authorities? I am just checking.

Catching an interview with the local indigenous chief, Brandy (34) stands with camera ready in one hand. With the other hand, she tugs on her black tank top, under her short sleeve off-white, lace blouse, over her belted black jeans. The loud crowd surges and closes in on Brandy. Thrown off balance, attempting to save her camera, she trips on the curb, awkwardly colliding with Phillip, and knocking off his hat.

PHILLIP

(in reaction and recovering his hat)

HEY…there-um, please watch where you’re going.

Seeing her daisy belly button tattoo, Phillip changes his tune seeing she’s a cute petite blonde. Having pity, he tries to lead her away from the thick of the crowd.

BRANDY

(smiling, gives exaggerated bow with a flourish of her hand)

Oh, Geez- I’m sorry.

PHILLIP

Hmm-need a hand?

Maybe you should film MY best side instead of…

BRANDY

(spinning around, scanning Philip’s from the ground up)

Seriously?

And why should I film you?…Are you a new actor or celebrity in disguise?

PHILLIP

And what if I were?

Sweet Daisy, as cute as you are, this isn’t a good place for you to be right now.

BRANDY

(flipping her badge)

What – I have every right to be here.

See, I’m legal, a professional journalist filming today’s protest…

PHILLIP

My mistake, sorry.

BRANDY

(intrigued and flirtatious)

You should know whose land we are still standing on. (pointing to the huddle of executives). There’s a LOT THEY could be doing.

PHILLIP

Believe me, I know, but that’s ancient history.

It’s in my bones, but there’s nothing anyone can do about it now-

BRANDY

Maybe this veteran journalist could interview a handsome lost cowboy later?

You could be in the news tomorrow.

PHILLIP

Thanks for the invitation but I’ve got things to take care of.

Chaos ensues as police with batons and tear gas arrive on the scene, aggressively grabbing Brandy’s camera and questioning Phillip.

PHILLIP CON’T

Shoot. I was worried about this happening.

POLICE OFFICER#1

(hassling Brandy)

We’ll take that camera.

No filming allowed here today.

BRANDY

Hey, give that back to me!

I am legal. I need it-I can’t work without it.

POLICE #2

(pointing the tear gas)

It’s coming with us-

Brandy coquettishly shows her badge while sliding her hand slowly over her busty blouse.

BRANDY

(scheming look at Phillip)

Our uncle Baxter- you know Baxter State Park? The Judge?

He’ll have his way with you.

POLICE #1

(moves in on Brandy)

Hands behind your back.

PHILLIP

Officer, she’s ok. She’s with me.

BRANDY

I’m his little sister.

POLICE MAN #2

Sister, YEAH, RIGHT.

We have our orders.

PHILLIP

(looking around for help from the group of men- all backs are turned)

Orders? Whose orders?

POLICE #2

You better get on your horse and ride, or you’re getting booked along with her!

PHILIP

Hey, she’s already shown you her badge.

POLICE #1

Look, you heard me – get out of the way.

You can bail your “SISTER” out later.

BRANDY

(blowing the police a kiss)

Truthfully this will be great for my story, but I could use you to bail me out later.

POLICE #1

(handcuffing her)

Yeah, if YOU DARE to set loose a lying agitator.

POLICE #1 handcuffs Brandy as POLICE #2 grabs Phillip’s hands.

PHILLIP

What the, hey?

Why are you arresting me?

I’m not guilty! I have done nothing.

You know my family. I’m working with them. (pointing to the huddle of men)

BRANDY

(whips her head around)

What’s going on here, Mr. Withholding?

Whose side are you on, anyway?

Will Brady, at 6’6″, towers over the other executive standing in the nearby huddle, eyes the commotion and acts quickly.

WILL BRADY

(quickly shoulders Pete)

Hold on here. Pete. We need to save our boy again and be quick about it. (Pete doesn’t move) Right now, you are riding on thin ice as it is…Philip needs help.

PETE

(mumbling snidely)

Sure boss-our littlest agent Philip needs help-again.

Pete disdainfully leaves the group, approaching the officers.

PHILLIP

It’s about time. Please let them know I’m a Baxter!

POLICE #1

All of you, ENOUGH!

(to Police #2) Let’s take them all in.

POLICE#

Let’s check the orders.

PETE

Officers!

No need to check your orders; take in…yes, ALL the protesters.

(Pointing to Phillip)

This poser as well!

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darling Writes QW Cycle #5 Scene

LOGLINE: Brandy, a novice journalist is filming a water protest as the Water Corporation officials forcibly keep the public from entering the closed meeting.

ESSENCE: You can’t always trust how things appear.

SCENE: EXT. KENNEBUNK ME, WATER PROTEST – DAY

In the middle of a maddening crowd during a heated street protest, Phillip, a stocky, gregarious mixed-race middle age guy dressed in jeans and a worn tee shirt with a water symbol, is standing in a huddle of Water corporation executives.

PETE

(Handing Phillip his hat)

Go on, cowboy, get out there and do your job.

PHILLIP

No need for insults.

I’m checking to see if you’ve called the authorities.

Brandy, a high-spirited novice journalist, trips over the broken curb while interviewing an indigenous family, backing into Phillip who’s scanning the crowd besides a huddle of men in suits.

PHILLIP

(angrily in reaction)

HEY THERE!

Phillip changes his tune when seeing she’s a cute blonde and leads her away from the huddle of men.

PHILLIP CONT

Hmm- maybe you should film my best side.
BRANDY

Oh, Geez- I’m sorry.

(smiling, gives exaggerated bow with a flourish of her hand)

Seriously? (spinning around, scanning Philip from the ground up) Do you even have a bad side?

PHILLIP

Sweet Daisy, believe me, this isn’t a good place for you to be right now.

BRANDY

(flipping her badge)

What – I have every right to be here.

See, I’m legal, a professional journalist filming today’s protest…

PHILLIP

Believe me, I know, but that’s ancient history.

I feel bad about it, but there’s nothing anyone can do about it now-

BRANDY

(intrigued and flirtatious)

Seems to me you should know whose land we are still standing on. There’s a lot they can do.

Maybe this cute veteran journalist and a cowboy could meet later to discuss this?

PHILLIP

Thanks for the invitation but I’ve got things to take care of.

Chaos ensues as police with batons and tear gas arrived on the scene, grabbing Brandy’s camera and questioning Phillip. Brandy, coquettishly shows her badge.

POLICE OFFICER

(hassling Brandy)

We’ll take that little lady.

No filming here today.

BRANDY

Hey, give that back to me!

I am legal!

PHILLIP

Officer, I’m sure she’s ok. She’s with me.

POLICE MAN #2

Sorry, we have our orders.

PHILLIP

(looking around for help from the group of men- all backs are turned)

Orders?

This is my sister; she’s already shown you her badge.

POLICE #1

Look- out of the way; you can bail your “SISTER” out later.

BRANDY

(swiping herself off)

Thanks, I appreciate the help.

Sister now-eh?

POLICE #1

Look- get out of the way.

You can bail her out at the station if you dare.

PHILLIP

(surrendering, smugly winking to Brandy)

Little lady, better pay attention to where you’re walking in the future.

As you can see, we are anomalies to each other, and a relationship would never work out.

POLICE #1 handcuffs Brandy as POLICE #2 grabs Phillip.

PHILLIP

What the, hey?

You’re not supposed to handcuff me!

BRANDY

What’s going on here, Mr. Withholding?

Whose side are you on, anyway?

You’re right a relationship with you would never work out!

Brandy struggles to break free. Will Brady, at 6’6″, towers over the other executive standing in the nearby huddle, eyes the commotion acts quickly.

WILL BRADY

(quickly shoulders Pete)

Hold on here. Pete. Just one more time-go save our boy and be quick about it. (Pete doesn’t move) Right now, you are riding on thin ice as it is…Philip needs help.

PETE

(mumbling)

Sure boss-

Pete disdainfully leaves the group.

POLICE #1

Now what. I thought we had it straight the first time.

PETE

(in a low voice to the Officer)

Yes. You’re correct, officer –

No need to check your orders; you are to take them all. (Pointing to Phillip)

Including this poser.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darling Another Look at Max Interest

What I learned doing this assignment is that starting with the interest techniques improves and up levels the scene. Building the scene this way allows for quickly getting to the scene’s essence, saving a great deal of time with rewrites.

LOGLINE: After creating a truce with Cindy, Moses, with confidence, challenges the company’s core business ethics.

STRUCTURAL

A. Suspense.

Moses and Cindy (Chair Person) are Swinging partners. William, the Company’s Vice President, Cindy’s husband, is suspicious.

B. Major twist.

After Truce- Cindy agrees Moses can have the floor. Moses offers a different proposal he hasn’t told her, though he risks losing his job. Moses, in the past, has always succumbed; this time, he stands tall.

C. Surprise.

Cindy softens and has him speak- gives him the floor

D. Put in a More Interesting Setting

Water Corporation Boardroom setting

E. Mislead / Reveal.

Moses pretends he’s toeing Cindy’s line, though he has fallen for Mollie and has a change of heart.

F. Superior Position / Dramatic Irony

We know Moses and Mollie are in cahoots. Moses is turning the tables on Cindy and has prepared a different proposal.

G. Uncertainty — hope / fear

Moses is working for the common good/ fear Cindy, betrayed going off the rails

H. Intrigue

Moses/Cindy sexual interlude/William suspicious of Cindy’s duplicity shown to William-two faced

I. Mystery

What’s Moses up to? Where is his loyalty? How will the board receive his proposal?

J. Cliffhanger

Moses plays his last card, and Mollie shows up at the board meeting with Grandmother Sasa.

K. Dilemma

Moses taking a risk. Cindy may lose her husband-

L. Something unseen

Grandmother Sasa shows up at the scene.

SCENE: INT. WATER CORPORATION BOARDROOM – DAY

Cindy, a petite woman (38), is the former owner’s sister of the Water Company and Executive Director. Married to William (60), the President of the board of the water company’s board of directors, she’s dressed in a black suit, red turtleneck, and black pumps.

Moses (40), wearing sunglasses, has longish wiry unbrushed loose hair and is dressed in plaid flannel and jeans.

Entering the Water Corp lobby, Cindy spies William and Moses in the hallway.

CINDY

(Sweetly sarcastic to MOSES)

We can always count on you to dress for the occasion.

CINDY brushes between William and Moses to pour her coffee before entering the boardroom. William looks at his watch and leaves to go into the boardroom.

MOSES

Light/Seductive-Flippant

Hey babe- Why the serious face?

We still have a few minutes we need to talk.

CINDY

(whispering)

Whose side are you on? It’s time to cut her loose; you’re getting too close. I thought I knew you…

MOSES

(Schmoozing Nancy)

You’re so much more beautiful when not in fight mode. It’s time for a truce.

Trust me. You, I know I love you.

CINDY

(melts)

Moses-I really want to trust you.

MOSES

(looks around the room-kisses her cheek )

Ok, show me by giving me 15 minutes of the floor.

CINDY

Ok- you’ve got 10.

Moses and Cindy get called in. At the conference, everyone has a bottle of spring water. William’s eyes are glued to CINDY and MOSES as they are the last to enter. CINDY, the center of attention, deliberately stays standing.

WILLIAM

Nance, take your seat, please.

CINDY

(Smiling sarcastically)

Whatever you say…darling.

WILLIAM

The meeting is in session. Cindy will now take the floor.

CINDY

I’m adding an item to the agenda. MOSES has something he wants to share, a proposal for improving our community relations.

MOSES

We all know the wells are going dry, and people are getting desperate. We must show our integrity and uphold our family legacy and goodwill with the community. We have been true to this since the original people were on this land.

CINDY

(Breaks in)

What…that’s not.

The company has been loose with the rules way before our time. Whose side are you on? What are you getting at? (Blurts out) You told me I could trust you!

WILLIAM

What’s going on here?

Cindy, you know our protocol about interrupting a speaker.

YOU gave him the floor.

MOSES

Look here; the proposal is simple. It’s time we invite our indigenous relations to be included in our water discussions. First, we can create goodwill and benefit the community by taking down the old dam and restoring the river so the salmon can run.

CINDY

This is preposterous, MOSES-our founders are going to roll over in their graves!

Chaos erupts, and all members are in an uproar.

CINDY CON’T

(Turning to William) Do something. (Turning to the board members) Speaking of the river, if we don’t hold to our bottom line, our profits are going to pour into the sea.

WILLIAM

Nancy-enough. I don’t know what’s going on here.

MOSES, five more minutes-go on…

CINDY CONT

(Stands up)

We have more pressing things than this!

The boardroom is bubbling with noise William slams his gavel on the table-

WILLIAM

Let’s have some order here.

MOSES bring it to a close.

There’s a knock at the door-Moses goes to open it, as Mollie enters.

MOSES

We have something to show you at the source house. It’s important for all of you to see this.

CINDY

What’s she doing here? You gave her the cease and desist, right?

Your family ties will not get you out of this one. There have already been too many missed opportunities. Your job is already wobbly.

MOSES

(Stands up-pushes his chair back into the table)

Unlike you, I value and cherish the water. We are a Water Company after all.

WILLIAM

Let’s get on with this. Maybe, a walk in the spring could do us all good.

MOSES gets up to leave, brushes his hair back, and puts his sunglasses on as the board members follow.

Hundreds of painted water activists rush forward at the door, wildly singing Nebi Wabo- an Algonquin song to the Water. In full ceremonial regalia, Abenaki Grandmother Sasa, Waterkeeper of the Eastern gate, stands before the crowd, ready to lead the way to the Source Spring.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darling Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment was asking the encouraged posed questions and using the reveal methodology opened a whole new dimension previously unseen in the scene. There were needed possibilities and entanglements that hadn’t yet existed in the characters’ responses.

INT. BOSTON, ANTHONY’S PIER FOUR RESTAURANT – NIGHT

LOGLINE: At an iconic 5-Star dinner with her Dad, Mollie confronts her Dad about his questionable business ethics and blurts out she is quitting.

Demand #1

Mollie’s pushed against her will by her mother to have dinner alone with her dad.

Cover-up: What’s she afraid of? What happened on a past trip with her dad? Health concerns.

Reveal: Her hero accountant/lawyer dad isn’t trustworthy.

Demand #2 Dad relentlessly questions Molly’s not having a plan for the future.

Cover up: Mollie has overheard two employees angry about Dad’s office ethics.

Reveal: Mollie has an autistic child, and custody is in question. Dad learns of her eviction notice.

INT. BOSTON, ANTHONY’S PIER FOUR RESTAURANT – NIGHT

LOGLINE: At an iconic 5-Star dinner with her Dad, Mollie confronts Dad about his questionable business ethics and blurts out she is quitting.

Setup:

Walking through the iconic harbor restaurant, Mollie, (38) nervous, runs her hands through her bleach blond, cropped hair while adjusting her short skirt. Dad, dressed in a fashionable gray suit with a red and blue paisley tie, puts his hand on her shoulder, directing her to her seat. Mollie in response, shirks his hand away. The formally dressed waiter stands by the table with fresh popovers on a covered silver tray as they are seated.

DAD

So-how are things going, Mollie?

I hear you might be moving, what’s your plan?

MOLLIE

Dad, I’m only here because mom asked me to.

Can’t we just have a nice dinner, without the interrogation?

DAD

(condescending singsong voice):

MOLLIE ANN, for once, you need a plan.

MOLLIE

Dad, enough – I’m not a little kid anymore.

Dad waves the waiter back and orders 2 glasses of Malbec.

MOLLIE

(interrupts)

Dad, that’s yours and mom’s favorite, and she’s not here.

I’ll have a Guinness, please.

DAD

(to the waiter, waving him away)

We’ll have the two Malbecs.

So, how’s that daughter of yours?

Mom and I are concerned you’re not taking her Autism seriously, and what about custody? Is that still in question?

MOLLIE

(uneasy)

No. She’s fine-with her dad.

There’s something I need to talk to you about.

DAD

(folds his arms waiting)

MOLLIE

I’m quitting.

DAD

Quitting?

Not when the quarterly is due.

MOLLIE

(squirming)

I can’t do it anymore- I tried.

DAD

How are you going to make money then?

You’re lucky to have this job.

MOLLIE

I know I need money…it’s just not me.

DAD

If you quit, how are you going to provide for Annie?

You always do this, making these big decisions without planning your next steps.

Being a free spirit has landed you in the toilet every time, and someone has to bail you out.

MOLLIE

This is exactly why I’m leaving.

DAD

Get over yourself.

MOLLIE

Dad, I overheard the paralegals talking about the deal going down with your partner…

Dad grabs a business phone call coming in. Mollie tries to compose herself in uncomfortable silence, fumbling with the menu and the manuscript in her bag.

MOLLIE

Dad, did you hear me? I’m done.

I can’t talk to you about this. You don’t listen, and you’ll never understand.

DAD

Understand what?

The waiter arrives, interjecting to take their dinner order. Dad waits for Mollie to order.

MOLLIE

I’ll have a beet and Gorgonzola salad, please.

DAD

Prime rib for me.

MOLLIE:

(Blurts out her unanswered question)

OK, I am finally going to ask you. Why did you stop me from riding?

DAD

Are you still mulling that one over that?

MOLLIE

You have never addressed it, ever!

Why did you make that decision?

DAD

(musing)

I knew you’d never make any money.

MOLLIE

(shocked)

You stopped me from riding because of money?

That was my dream. I was the best. Red knew I could do it, and others knew it too!

DAD

(silently listening)

MOLLIE CON’T
Mom told me the story of how you bought her a new car every year!

DAD

Mollie Ann. I HAD the money to do the things I wanted.

I worked hard to make my dreams happen.

MOLLIE

Don’t Mollie Ann me.

Don’t you realize that it made my desire to ride that much stronger?

D:

Get over it- that was years ago.

M:

(starts to stands up)

You… you made that decision without even speaking to me? You had supported me up until that moment when I was going to go to ride at Madison Square Gardens. It was my moment to shine, and you’re not even sorry.

DAD

Sit down; you need to grow up sometime, for Annie’s sake.

Mollie grabs the manuscript “Give your horse its Head” out of her purse to show her dad and the eviction notice falls on the table.

DAD CON’T

Good God! It’s even worse than I knew.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darling Character Relationships

“What I learned doing this assignment was that refining our character’s traits strengthens the visceral expression of the character, making for a more compelling interaction with the other characters that enliven and elevate the script.

Original Traits:

Moses: Repressed, Dogmatic, Charmer, Virtuous

Mollie: high-spirited, forthright, indecisive, escapist

Emeline: dependable, strong-willed, fanatical, defensive

Dick: humorous, dedicated, down to earth, headstrong

Changed Traits:

Moses: (changed repressed to withholding)

Withholding, Dogmatic, Charmer, Virtuous

Mollie: (changed forthright to brutally honest)

high-spirited, brutally honest, indecisive, escapist

Emeline: (changed strong-willed to entitled)

dependable, entitled, fanatical, defensive

Dick: (changed from dedicated to uncompromising and headstrong to subversive)

humorous, uncompromising, salt of the earth, subversive

Mollie-Moses

Mollie is infatuated by Moses’ charm and rock-solid decisive presence, however, this undermines her attempts at self-discovery and unraveling the truth of the mystery of her dreams. His withholding and need to control continually clashes with her obsession with truth.

Rapport: High Spirited – charmer, virtuous-forthright

Conflict: dogmatic – indecisive & escapist, withholding-brutally honest

Contrast: forthright-forthright, dogmatic-indecisive

Competition: charmer-forthright

Subtext:dogmatic-indecisive

Mollie-Emeline

Knowing each other’s flaws, long-time best friends, Mollie’s reliance on Emeline’s dependability is at an end as Emeline is fed up with being taken advantage of and not getting the respect she deserves.

Rapport: dependable-high spirited

Conflict:, brutally honest-defensive, entitled -indecisive

Contrast:escapist-dependable

Competition: forthright- entitlement

Subtext: The need to be right-entitlement/forthright

Mollie-Dick

Dick is the salt of the earth father figure, in contrast to Mollie’s father. Warm, humorous, and makes her feel sweetly valued. Caught between Dicks subversiveness and Moses’ manipulative charm forces her to stand for her truth.

Rapport: humorous-high-spirited, salt of the earth-forthright

Conflict: uncompromising-indecisive,

Contrast: brutally honest-subversive

Competition: uncompromising-escapist

Subtext: humorous-high spirited

Moses-Dick

Adopted by Dick as a troubled foster teen, their shared love of old cars and nature create rapport. Moses’s angry resentment invokes Dicks uncompromising response, activating endless trouble.

Rapport: charmer-humorous, virtuous – salt of the earth

Conflict: dogmatic-headstrong, subversive – withholding

Contrast: withholding -uncompromising

Competition: dogmatic-humorous

Subtext: dedicated- salt of the earth

Moses-Emeline

Spokesman for the water bottling at the town meeting contrasts with Emeline as a water activist. They’re at odds for most of the time, till they find rapport in their underlying love of nature.

Rapport: dependable-virtuous

Conflict: entitled-dogmatic, defensive-dogmatic

Contrast: charmer-fanatical

Competition: dependable-charmer

Subtext: defensive-dogmatic

[Shelley darling]

LOGLINE: Stranded miles from her car after a night of wild sex with MAX PALMER, the water bottling company’s grandson, MAXINE DARLING calls Renee to her rescue, knowing she will give her shit for it.

ESSENCE: Being true to yourself will stretch you to the limit,

TRAIT YOU CHANGED:
Changing Maxine’s tricky character trait to her being brutally honest.

INT. POLAND LAKE HOUSE – DAY

With Max gone, Maxine, lounging naked on the sun-filled porch bed, receives a text from Renee that she’s almost at the lake cabin. In a frantic attempt to get ready, bumbling through her makeup bag, she haphazardly applies her mascara in front of a beat up mirror. Distracted, reaching for a genealogy chart in a partially open drawer, she trips over the worn hooked rug, causing an antique vase to crash on the floor. To make matters worse, a text ping comes in from her worried mom.

MAXINE

(talking to herself)

Damn it Maxine.

There you go again, now what are you going to do?
Already Renee is going to give you shit, now this!
What’s Max going to think of you now?

Hearing a dog barking, Maxine quickly picks up the shards and places them in a paper bag, and hides the bag in her purse.

EXT. POLAND LAKE HOUSE – DAY

Renee drives slowly down the dirt road in her beat-up Subaru with worn-out shocks, comically bouncing along the deep ruts through the thick Maine forest. A Siberian Husky excitedly alternates between panting in her ear and barking loudly out of the back window.

At the weathered cabin, awed by the fall colors glistening on the lake, Maxine’s trying to comb out the knots in her hair as Renee pulls up and Togo jumps out the window.

MAXINE

(teary)

TOGO! Come here, boy.

Your mama REALLY needs a big kiss.

An exuberant Togo bounds up to Maxine, nearly knocking her down. Maxine recovers herself as Renee exuberantly gives her a hug. Maxine’s stunned by Renee’s glaring orange sweater.

MAXINE CON’T

(laughing)

Thank God, Renee! You saved us both!

I don’t know what I’d do without you.

RENEE

Yeah, no worries Darling, traffic was light.

Rescuing you seems to be a pattern these days.

MAXINE

Whoa-that’s quite a sweater-new?

Very unusual for you. You’re always dressed like you’re headed to church.

I thought you don’t do bright colors.

RENEE

(irritated-pulling at the sweater)

Get off it, Maxine. I deserve more than that insult, I just drove all the way with you’re howling dog. You know, there are other people to consider besides yourself. Not that you care, remember last week, how you dissed that poor girl…

MAXINE

Poor girl what. Did you see the emerald she was sporting and the bad attitude to match! Besides, I didn’t trust her.

RENEE

So… What’s really going on here?

You made it sound like you were in jail or stranded.

Now I find you holding up in a super cute place by sparkling water.

Leave it to your magic.

MAXINE

Well, I AM stranded. This guy he….

RENEE

(interrupting)

What guy?

This doesn’t sound like an emergency.

Don’t tell me, you slept with him, right?

MAXINE

You’re such a beautiful prude. Stop your judgment.

You wouldn’t believe it, his name is Max, a bit of a lost cowboy. Not only the synchronicity with his name, he happens to work for the water bottling corporation!

Walking down the wooded trail to the lake edge, a buoyant Togo charges into the water, sending spray flying. Togo’s antics break the tension momentarily.

RENEE

I KNEW IT! Only you …

Your adventures are always tied to sexual escapades!
MAXINE

At least I follow my heart.

You should try being a little more adventurous sometimes.
Max is a link to the mystery of the resort.
RENEE

Don’t change the subject. You’d follow any guy who pays you the slightest bit of attention. Moral standards, ha. Better work your shit out and deal with the issues with your father. Just sayin’.

MAXINE

I am, that’s what led me here, trying to figure out the thing with my dad.

Maybe, I shouldn’t have told you what I’ve been up to here.

RENEE

(rolls her eyes, shaking her head)

And your new cowboy? How’s he helping you to figure this out?

How will the woman who wants it all land the man if you keep running?

MAXINE CON’T

I know you’re thinking that I’m following my pussy. He could be a key to unearthing the prodigious fraud surrounding the water bottling company. (pointing to the sky) Hey…check out the hawk circling above.

RENEE

You’re deflecting.

I’m concerned about you, and so are your parents.

MAXINE

I am not deflecting. Now I get it, you told my parents.

RENEE

Your folks are worrying about you and this time they ARE right.

I just told them you’re okay and that I was coming to see you today.

What’s wrong with that?
MAXINE

You promised not to say anything.

They think they always know what’s best.

This time, I’m following MY dreams.

RENEE:

Maxine, you haven’t been the same since the accident.

They want to ensure you are all right, and let’s not forget about Annie.

Renee goes to give Maxine a hug, and Maxine shrugs her off, withdrawing, opening the screen door to walk into the cabin.

INT. POLAND LAKE HOUSE – DAY

MAXINE

I trusted you. You promised not to say anything.

RENEE

You know, your mom, doesn’t give up. I had to give in-she broke me.

Anyway, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.

Ever heard of Grandmother Sasa?

MAXINE

Now, who’s changing the subject?

No, I’ve never heard of her.

RENEE:

She’s an Abenaki grandmother who says she’s a healer of healers. She holds this Medicine Hoop of Life ceremony twice a year. Maxine, go see her, maybe she can help you. She’s a water keeper, and been guiding me.

MAXINE

You know how I feel about therapy.

Hey, wait til you see this!

RENEE

It’s not therapy.

Maxine walks over to the side table, and pulls out a piece of paper.

MAXINE

I found his genealogy inside the cabin that had the name Molly Ockett scribbled on top. (shows Renee her phone) See look…says she was the last Pequawket in this area, that means she was Abenaki.

RENEE

Ahh – I love it, caught you snooping, eh? But let’s get back on track. What about Annie?

Being autistic, separated from the family and already feeling the effects of your indulgences, she’s majorly acting out.

MAXINE

(fed up)

I’m done with this conversation, take me back to the resort to get my car.
RENEE

Seriously, Max, you need to see Grandmother Sasa. She works with dreams and besides, you’ll learn more about this Molly Ockett, woman.

MAXINE

(yelling)

Can’t you give it a rest, Ren? I’ll go in my time.

I bet you’ve already told her all about what you think are my issues.

Renee puts on a show of being hurt by the accusation.

RENEE

(facetiously)

I wouldn’t ever do that to you.

The confrontation is interrupted when Maxine phone dings-stops to respond to a text from Red Fox. She checks her text and smirks.

RENEE CON’T

(looking over Maxine’s shoulder)

What! You’re still talking to the Maori guy, too?

I thought you let go of him a long time ago!

MAXINE

(turning the phone over)

Renee… I’m done!

RENEE

Maxine, listen to me!

Your parents are right. At some point, you’re going to have to stop chasing the illusion of Prince Charming and deal with the reality of your life.

Max arrives unexpectedly.

RENEE

(staring out the window)

What’s happening here?

Whose truck is that?

MAXINE

Shit.

RENEE

WHAT THE FUCK, Maxine?

You didn’t tell me he was going to show up.

MAXINE

I had no idea.
RENEE

I don’t believe you for a second.

Maxine runs out, horrified, as Max jumps aside, Togo, barking, challenges his closeness to Maxine.

RENEE

(slams the screen door)

Togo, get in the car!

Damn, YOU!

I’m taking care of your dog while you’re supposed to be following your crazy dreams and a hidden treasure.
MAXINE

(Stunned, runs out after Renee. She’s caught standing between Renee and Max)

Renee, calm down!

RENEE

Fuck you, I’m going! Even I can only take so much.

Are you coming with me, Maxine?

MAX

(hands on hips, eyeballing them both)

Nice to meet you, too.

MAX (cont)

(lifts a six-pack)

Beer, anyone?

Max. stimulated by Maxine’s discomfort and Renee’s behavior, slides up behind Maxine, and grabs her waist.

RENEE

So what’s it going to be Maxine, this train is leaving NOW!

Caught in the middle of Renee’s demands and Max’s seductive, sexy grin, Maxine freezes. Will she have the courage to trust herself and act on her truth?

MAXINE

(looks past Max up to the sky, mumbles)

MAX

Speak up, woman. Your words do matter,

especially at this moment.

[Shelley darling]

LOGLINE: Stranded miles from her car after the first night of intimacy with Max, MAXINE calls Renee to the rescue, knowing she will give her shit for it.

ESSENCE: Feeling abandoned and hopeless, Maxine is determined to regain her freedom.

TRAIT YOU CHANGED:
Changing Maxine’s tricky character trait to her being brutally honest.

EXT. POLAND, LAKE HOUSE – DAY

Renee drives slowly down the dirt road in her beat-up Subaru with worn-out shocks, comically bouncing along the deep ruts through the thick Maine forest. A Siberian Husky excitedly alternates between panting in her ear and barking loudly out of the back window when seeing Maxine outside the weathered cabin by a lake reflecting glistening fall colors.

Renee pulls up to the lake house and lets Togo out.

MAXINE

TOGO! Come here, boy. Your mama really needs a big kiss.

An exuberant Togo bounds up to Maxine, nearly knocking her down. Maxine recovers herself as Renee exuberantly wraps them all in a huge hug. Maxine is stunned by Renee’s glaring orange sweater.

MAXINE CON’T

(laughing)

Thank God, Renee! You saved us both!

I don’t know what I’d do without you.

RENEE

Yeah, no worries mate, traffic was light.

Rescuing you seems to be the pattern.

MAXINE

Whoa-quite a sweater-new?

Pretty unusual for you, always the one dressed like you’re headed to church.

I thought you don’t do bright colors.

RENEE

(irritated)

Get off it, Maxine, you know, there are other people to consider besides yourself.

Not that you care, remember last week, how you dissed that poor girl…
MAXINE

Poor girl what. Did you see the emerald she was sporting and the bad attitude to match! Besides, I didn’t trust her.

RENEE

So… What’s going on?

You made it sound like you were in jail or stranded.

Now I find you lounging in a super cute place by a lake.

Leave it to your magic.

MAXINE

Well, I AM stranded. This guy he….

RENEE

(interrupting)

What guy?

This doesn’t sound like an emergency.

Don’t tell me, you slept with him, right?

MAXINE

You’re such a prude. I don’t need your judgment.

You wouldn’t believe it. His name is Max. Not only synchronicity about his name, he happens to work for the water bottling corporation. Besides, he’s cute, a cowboy in fact.

Walking down the wooded trail to the lake edge, a buoyant Togo charges into the water, sending spray flying. Togo’s antics break the tension momentarily.

RENEE

I KNEW IT! Only you …

Your adventures are always tied to sexual escapades!
MAXINE

At least I follow my heart.

You should try being a little adventurous sometimes.
Max is a link to the mystery of the resort.
RENEE

Don’t change the subject. You’d follow any guy who pays you the slightest bit of attention. You have no moral standards. You’ve got some shit to work out, or you’re never going to find happiness and a healthy relationship with any man. You need to deal with the issues with your father. Just sayin’.

MAXINE

I am, that’s what led me here.

I shouldn’t have told you. I am not even sure what happened, if anything.

RENEE

(rolls her eyes, shaking her head)

MAXINE CON’T

I know you’re thinking that I don’t really know him, and now he has left me here alone. Just like my dad, unemotional and withholds information. He gave me the keys and just left me here. (pointing to the sky) Renee, let’s stop this and enjoy the lake. Oh, my…do you see the hawk circling above.

RENEE

You’re deflecting.

I’m concerned about you, and so are your parents.

MAXINE

I am not deflecting, and why are you bringing my parents into this?

RENEE

You know your folks worry about you.

I just told them you’re okay and that I was coming to see you today.

What’s wrong with that?
MAXINE

You promised not to say anything.

They think they always know what’s best.

This time, I’m following MY dreams.

RENEE:

Maxine, you haven’t been the same since the accident.

They want to ensure you are all right, and let’s not forget about Annie.

Renee goes to give Maxine a hug, and Maxine shrugs her off, withdrawing, opening the screen door to walk into the cabin.

MAXINE

I trusted you. You promised not to say anything.

RENEE

Well, I needed to break this promise. Enough is enough.

Anyway, I was introduced to a water keeper named Grandmother Sasa.

Ever heard of her?

MAXINE

Now, who’s changing the subject?

No, I’ve never heard of her.

RENEE:

She’s an Abenaki grandmother who says she’s a healer of healers. She holds this Medicine Hoop of Life ceremony twice a year. Maxine, go see her, maybe she can help you.

MAXINE

You know how I feel about therapy.

But I will give you this. I found his genealogy paper that had the name Molly Ockett scribbled on top. Looking on my phone…she was the last Pequawket in the area-she was Abenaki.

RENEE

Ahh – been snooping, eh? It’s not therapy, and this time they ARE right.

How will the woman who wants it all land the man if you keep running?
MAXINE

Who are they to talk about running?

RENEE

Maxine, you need to work through this. Annie, being autistic, is already experiencing the pain of your not being there for her.
MAXINE

I’m done with this, take me back to the resort to get my car.
RENEE

Seriously, Max, it’s for your own good, go see Grandmother Sasa, even if to burn some sage. Besides, you might learn more about this Molly Ockett, woman.

MAXINE

(yelling)

Can’t you give it a rest, Ren?

I bet you’ve already told her all about what you think are my issues.

The look on Renee’s face shows how hurt she is by this accusation.

RENEE:

I wouldn’t ever do that to you.

The confrontation is interrupted when Mollie stops to respond to a text from Red Fox.

MAXINE

(Phone dings-Maxine checks her text, smirks)

RENEE

(looking over Maxine’s shoulder)

What! You’re still talking to the Maori guy, too?

I thought you let go of him a long time ago!

MAXINE

(turning the phone over)

Renee… enough.

RENEE

Maxine, listen to me!

Your parents are right. At some point, you’re going to have to stop chasing the illusion of Prince Charming and deal with the reality of your life.

Maxine hears Max’s truck and runs to the door as Max arrives unexpectedly. Opening the truck door, Max jumps aside when Togo runs up barking, challenging his closeness to Maxine.

RENEE

(staring out the window)

What’s happening here?

Whose truck is that?

MAXINE

Shit.

RENEE

WHAT THE FUCK, Maxine?

You didn’t tell me he was going to show up.

MAXINE

I had no idea.
RENEE

I don’t believe you for a second.

Togo, get in the car! Are you really doing this again?

I just drove two hours! YOU asked me to come up here. Damn you, and here I am taking care of your dog while you follow your crazy dreams and a hidden treasure.
MAXINE

(runs out after Renee. Stunned, she’s caught standing between Renee and Max)

Renee, calm down!

RENEE

Fuck you, I’m going! Even I can only take so much.

Are you coming with me, Maxine?

MAX

(hands on hips, eyeballing them both)

Nice to meet you, too.

MAX (cont)

(lifts a six-pack)

Does anybody need a beer?

Stimulated by Maxine’s discomfort and Renee’s behavior, slides up behind Maxine, and grabs her waist.

RENEE

Make up your mind, Maxine, this train is leaving NOW!

Caught in the middle of Renee’s manipulations and Max’s seductive, sexy grin, Maxine is frozen in confusion. Is she choosing to return to her old life or be brave enough to trust herself to discover a new way of being?

MAXINE

(looking helplessly past Max and up to the sky, mumbles)

MAX

Speak up, woman. Your words matter,

especially at this moment.

[Shelley darling]

LOGLINE: In the water corporation conference room, secret agendas and conflicts of interests cause chaos when Squire’s ordered to deliver a Cease-and-Desist order to a prying journalist.

ESSENCE: In the wake of desire, control, and power, the purity of purpose is forgotten.

SCENE: INT. WATER CORPORATION BOARDROOM – DAY

Nancy, a petite Jewish woman (38), is the former owner’s sister of the Water Company. Married to William (60), the head honcho of the water company’s board of directors, she’s dressed in a black suit, red turtleneck, and black pumps.

Squire (40), wearing sunglasses, has longish wiry unbrushed loose hair and is dressed in plaid flannel and jeans.

Nancy and Squire, unbeknownst to anyone, are having an affair; and planning to take over the corp. They need to get rid of William if they want to succeed. William is suspicious of their dealings.

Entering the Water Corp lobby, Nancy, looking for Squire, spies William and Squire in the hallway.

NANCY

(Sarcastically to Squire)

We can always count on you to dress for the occasion.

Nancy brushes between William and Squire to pour her coffee before entering the boardroom.

WILLIAM

I hope you and Nancy have got this right this time.

SQUIRE

Nancy and I have got this one. Don’t worry.

NANCY

You might be good-looking, but I’m confident I’ve got it.

SQUIRE

Always trying to steal the spotlight-aren’t we?

Looking at his watch, William shakes his head and heads into the boardroom. Squire comes in close and intimately whispers in Nancy’s ear.

SQUIRE

(Light/Seductive-Flippant)

Hey babe- I love you when you’ve got that serious look. What’s up?

NANCY

I’m not sure you are looking at the big picture; someone must be serious here.

Whose side are you on? It’s time to cut her loose. I just wanted you to see what she was up to, and now you’re getting too close. If I knew better, I’d think you have feelings for her.

SQUIRE

Jealous? You can’t take I’m having fun with it all while waiting for you to leave William.

NANCY

I’m being strategic; we’ve been married for 15 years, unlike you…

SQUIRE

(Walking away-whispering, sticking his tongue in her ear)

I’m heading in.

NANCY

Squire- not here.

If you don’t do this, your…our… life will be in ruins.

Get called in. At the conference, everyone has a bottle of spring water. William’s eyes are glued to Nancy and Squire as they are the last to enter. Nancy, the center of attention, deliberately stays standing.

WILLIAM

Nance, take your seat, please.

This meeting is adjourned.

NANCY

(Smiling sweetly)

Whatever you say…darling.

WILLIAM

As you know, we are here today to hear from Squire, whose been working with Nancy. Let’s go right to his proposal for improving community relations.

SQUIRE

We all know the wells are going dry, and people are getting desperate. We must show our integrity and uphold our family legacy and goodwill with the community. We have been true to this since the original people were on this land.

NANCY

(Breaks in)

What…that’s not.

The company has been loose with the rules way before our time. Whose side are you on? What are you getting at?

WILLIAM

Nancy, you know our protocol about interrupting a speaker.

Not even you-

SQUIRE

Look here; the proposal is simple. It’s time we invite our indigenous relations to be included in our water discussions. First, we can create goodwill and benefit the community by taking down the old dam and restoring the river so the salmon can run.

NANCY

This is preposterous, Squire-your ancestors are going to roll over in their graves!

Chaos erupts, and all members are in an uproar.

NANCY CON’T

(Turning to William) Do something. (Turning to the board members) Speaking of the river, if we don’t hold to our bottom line, our profits are going to pour into the sea.

WILLIAM

Squire, go on…

NANCY CONT

(Stands up)

We have more pressing things than this! There’s word about an investigative journalist prying into the water company business. It’s time we deliver the Cease and Desist!

SQUIRE

What the heck are you talking about?

The boardroom is bubbling with noise, William slams his gavel on the table-

WILLIAM

Let’s have some order here.

We have two agendas here today. (Looking at Nancy) The second one we need to address-but let’s give Squire the time to finish.

SQUIRE

(Eyes on Nancy)

I am done. Go on…

Nancy, how come I wasn’t told about this?

WILLIAM

Well…There’s talk of an investigative journalist on the property. She needs to be curtailed, and we need to find out what she’s up to. Squire, you seem to be already engaging with her-so it’s been decided that you will be the one to hand her the cease and desist.

SQUIRE

What…I can’t…I have no idea what you are talking about.

NANCY

I told you… Your family ties aren’t going to get you out of this one. There have already been too many missed opportunities. Your job is already wobbly, and you’re getting another chance. Don’t mess this one up.

SQUIRE

(Stands up-pushes his chair back into the table)

I got better things to do. I value my time and relationships, unlike some people here.

WILLIAM

Squire. You need to do this.

We need to protect the family interests and the Corp.

SQUIRE

Ease up, Will, you’re not my father. What about my proposal?

WILLIAM CON’T

We want to see the happy-go-lucky guy land with all the benefits for you – and the company.

(Looking at the others at the table) If you get this job done, then we will ALL consider your proposal, right Nancy?

Squire gets up to leave, brushes his hair back, puts his sunglasses on, and heads toward the door. Looking at Nancy, he winks. Nancy with arms crossed is fuming.

SQUIRE

(Parroting Williams’s tone and posture)

OK, ready to rock and roll here. And Nancy… don’t forget to bring the balloons!

WILLIAM

(sternly)

Squire, not so fast.

Here- (hands him the envelope) you have 24 hours.

[Shelley darling]

LOGLINE: In the water corporation conference room, secret agendas and conflicts of interests cause chaos when Squire’s ordered to deliver a Cease-and-Desist order to a prying journalist.

ESSENCE: In the wake of desire, control, and power, the purity of purpose is forgotten.

SCENE: INT. WATER CORPORATION BOARDROOM – DAY

Nancy, a petite Jewish woman (38), is the former owner’s sister of the Water Company. Married to William (60), the head honcho of the water company’s board of directors, she’s dressed in a black suit, red turtleneck, and black pumps.

Squire (40), wearing sunglasses, has longish wiry unbrushed loose hair and is dressed in plaid flannel and jeans.

Entering the Water Corp lobby, Nancy spies William and Squire in the hallway.

NANCY

(Sarcastically to Squire)

We can always count on you to dress for the occasion.

Nancy brushes between William and Squire to pour her coffee before entering the boardroom.

WILLIAM

I hope you and Nancy have got this right this time.

SQUIRE

Nancy and I have got this one. Don’t worry.

William looks at his watch and heads into the boardroom.

SQUIRE

Light/Seductive-Flippant

Hey babe- Got a serious look on your face. What’s up?

You got this one. Right?

NANCY

I’m not sure you do; someone needs to be serious here.

Whose side are you on? It’s time to cut her loose; you’re getting too close. I thought I knew, but…

SQUIRE

(Walking away-whispering)

Stop! I can’t do this now. I’m heading in.

NANCY

Squire- If you don’t do this, your life will be in ruins.

Get called in. At the conference, everyone has a bottle of spring water. William’s eyes are glued to Nancy and Squire as they are the last to enter. Nancy, the center of attention, deliberately stays standing.

WILLIAM

Nance, take your seat, please.

This meeting is adjourned.

NANCY

(Smiling sweetly)

Whatever you say…darling.

WILLIAM

As you know, we are here today to hear from Squire, whose been working with Nancy. Let’s go right to his proposal for improving community relations.

SQUIRE

We all know the wells are going dry, and people are getting desperate. We must show our integrity and uphold our family legacy and goodwill with the community. We have been true to this since the original people were on this land.

NANCY

(Breaks in)

What…that’s not.

The company has been loose with the rules way before our time. Whose side are you on? What are you getting at?

WILLIAM

Nancy, you know our protocol about interrupting a speaker.

Not even you-

SQUIRE

Look here; the proposal is simple. It’s time we invite our indigenous relations to be included in our water discussions. First, we can create goodwill and benefit the community by taking down the old dam and restoring the river so the salmon can run.

NANCY

This is preposterous, Squire-your ancestors are going to roll over in their graves!

Chaos erupts, and all members are in an uproar.

NANCY CON’T

(Turning to William) Do something. (Turning to the board members) Speaking of the river, if we don’t hold to our bottom line, our profits are going to pour into the sea.

WILLIAM

Squire, go on…

NANCY CONT

(Stands up)

We have more pressing things than this! There’s word about an investigative journalist prying into the water company business. It’s time we deliver the Cease and Desist!

SQUIRE

What the heck are you talking about?

The boardroom is bubbling with noise William slams his gavel on the table-

WILLIAM

Let’s have some order here.

We have two agendas here today. (Looking at Nancy) The second one we need to address-but let’s give Squire the time to finish.

SQUIRE

(Eyes on Nancy)

I am done. Go on…

Nancy, how come I wasn’t told about this?

WILLIAM

Well…There’s talk of an investigative journalist on the property. She needs to be curtailed, and we need to find out what she’s up to. Squire, you seem to be already engaging with her-so it’s been decided that you will be the one to hand her the cease and desist.

SQUIRE

What…I can’t…I have no idea what you are talking about.

NANCY

I told you…Your family ties aren’t going to get you out of this one. There have already been too many missed opportunities. Your job is already wobbly, and you’re getting another chance. Don’t mess this one up.

SQUIRE

(Stands up-pushes his chair back into the table)

I got better things to do. I value my time and relationships, unlike some people here.

WILLIAM

Squire. You need to do this.

Squire gets up to leave, brushes his hair back, puts his sunglasses on, and heads toward the door. Looking at Nancy, he winks.

WILLIAM CON’T

Squire, not so fast.

We need to protect the family interests and the Corp. We want to see the happy-go-lucky guy land…and (looking at the others at the table) WE will ALL consider the proposal. But first things first. Here- (hands him the envelope) you have 24 hours. We’ll meet back here tomorrow at 11 am sharp.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darling Max Interest 2

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that having become aware of more Max interest techniques has pushed me to go deeper into the story, become more creative, and listen more intently for the characters’ engagement with each other. It also lends itself to looking for a more intense energy buildup within each scene.

BURNING TRUTH

LOGLINE: As Mollie divulges her research on the mystery of the Confederate soldier’s lost treasure, Moses hands her a cease-and-desist order.

ESSENCE: Finally willing to trust Moses, Mollie once again is betrayed.

ADD IN THESE INTEREST TECHNIQUES:

Something unseen

Amplify Mystery

Amplify Dilemma

Hook

Creating a Future

Anticipatory Dialogue

Cliff Hanger

Uncomfortable moment

Prediction

EXT. PRESIDENTIAL INN – DAY

Mollie, dragging her bags out the Inn door in her red cowboy boots and tight jeans-putting bags in her car, stops when Moses pulls into the drive with his truck. Moses, standing with one hand on his hips, stares as all eyes are locked as Mollie approaches.

MOLLIE

(Coyly greets Moses with great affection, rubs up against him)

MOSES

Well, Little miss Sprite-where do you think you’re going?

MOLLIE

(tiptoes up to reach his gaze as he hugs her)

MOSES CON’T

Why are you standing on your tippy-toes?

(Scoops her in his arms, lifts her up off the ground)

Just be yourself.

MOLLIE

(sexual enthralled)

Wow. No-one has ever said that to me before.

You’re right-why am I doing that?

MOSES

Where you off to so fast?

MOLLIE

Heading back to Boston.

I’m heading home to be with the family.

MOSES

Wait, what about your dance with the ghost, dream girl?

MOLLIE

What about it?

MOSES

You can’t leave Pepper hanging? You two just met.

MOLLIE

I only booked for the week.

MOSES

I thought you didn’t have a home anymore?

Are you coming back?

MOLLIE

(laughing)

Don’t know. Just have to see what happens.

Why, do you think we have a future together?

MOSES

What about all your mysterious dream investigations?

MOLLIE

Hey, on that subject.

Before I go, I’ve got something to show you.

Something amazing I’ve discovered at the cemetery. Let’s walk over.

MOSES

Hold on. I gotta grab something from the truck.

MOLLIE

What’s up? You seem distracted. Is there somewhere you need to go?

MOSES

(slyly grabs envelope from dash)

Hold on.

MOLLIE

What’s that you got?

MOSES

(Places envelope in his jacket)

Stop being so snoopy. C’mon here.

(Scoops her up-kisses-starts walking)

EXT. POLAND, FAMILY CEMETERY – DAY

Mollie and Moses walking across the green to the cemetery.

MOLLIE

Did you know about the confederate soldier, Robert Cheever?

MOSES

Heard stories.

MOLLIE

Why is a confederate soldier is buried in a Maine resort family cemetery?

MOSES

(a bit nervous)

What are you getting at? Is that it? You’re after the treasure, too?

MOLLIE

What are you talking about?

MOSES

(Grumbles)

MOLLIE CON’T

Whoa, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Didn’t Pep bring you your coffee?

MOSES

Why are you really here?

Dreams. Now the treasure and water? The word is that you have been digging up dirt surrounding the water corp?

MOLLIE

Wait a minute. I didn’t say anything about the water.

What are you getting at?I thought I could trust you.

MOSES

Well, Why are you really here?

Caught in a riptide of emotions of confusion and anger, jumps up on the gravestone as an envelope with Cease and Desist drops out of his pocket.

MOLLIE

-(Mollie pickles it up)

What the hell is this? I’m so pissed at myself for believing in you.

I should have known better.

MOSES

So have you been playing me too?

MOLLIE

(Slams her foot down)

I trusted you.

You’re the delivery boy for a business you don’t even want to be a part of, and you’ve chosen that instead of us!

MOSES

Oh, you who walk around in rose colored glasses.

I’ve been trying to protect you!

MOLLIE

How is delivering a cease and desist to me protecting me?

I’m not your china doll.

MOSES

Those fuckers. They pushed me into it.

MOLLIE

That’s it. I’m out here, I’m done!

MOSES

Yeah, right.

Go then. It’ll be written on your gravestone…she ran away.

Just like your dad.

MOLLIE

(walking away at a fast pace-yelling)

Fuck you! Maybe in the past I did.

At least I’m not running away from myself anymore.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darling Challenging Situations

“What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is how valuable this process is for improving the script and doubling the quality of the writing. Every scene in my script needs this process!”

INT./EXT. THRIFT STORE- KENNEBUNK – DAY

Goal – Molly makes a clear decision to unravel her dreams and courageously face her life.

Needs – Health back, Trust herself, triumph over her challenges, love, support

Values-freedom, truth, friendship, spirit connection

Wounds – lost everything/betrayal her non-profit, being dominated

Physical-leg-back-surgery

CURRENT LOGLINE: Molly commits to going back to Poland to take on the mystery hidden in her dreams.

ESSENCE: Having lost everything, Molly courageously decides to face her life challenges after her accident.

LIST OF POSSIBLE CHALLENGES:

Underlying contention of Mollie’s self-needs

Mollie’s jealousy of Brigitte’s sensuality/intimacy in relationships

Mollie is tightly wound/flighty -Brigitte is jubilant and sexually free.

Mollie’s challenges/difficulty in making decisions/being wishy-washy.

Mollie’s conflicted relationship with drinking-

Create outbursts to have the courage to reveal the truth.

Mollie’s energy is too much for Brigitte.

Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Amplifying Molly’s traits: indecisive, Fear of making wrong decisions, uprooted, and lack of trust. Mollie’s internal tension contrasted with Brigitte’s’ natural sensuality. Showing Mollie being tipsy. Add in Mollie receiving a former lover’s call, irritating Brigitte, who talks to her about her emotional absence and not being present. Add Mollie and Brigitte’s dialogue, Mollie’s inability for self-love, and solo sex. Mollies always looking for men to take care of her.

Scene 2: INT. BOSTON CONDO-DAY

Goal: Make a clear decision. Unravel her dreams. Courageously face her life.

Needs –, Acceptance, love, support, money, safe-sanctuary

Values- Authenticity, family connection

Wounds – exiled from non-profit, cease and desist delivered, lack of support from Dad, new relationship blowing up, sabotage-nothing working

Physical-Wrapping of the sculpture-she can’t do right-crashes but saved

dad’s impatient/Photo album-rips

CURRENT LOGLINE: Unsuspected familial emotions erupt as Mollie searches for clues in the family photo albums after Dad discloses Mom’s secondary-stage Dementia.

ESSENCE: Mollie, desperately trying to trust herself, continues to be bombarded with outside judgment.

LIST OF POSSIBLE CHALLENGES:

Add in Mollie’s non-profit exile travesty with dad taking control-his pushing Mollie to get over it-she has nothing to stand on.

Set up for Mollie’s parents’ deaths.

Mom’s protection of Dad

Dad finds the defrosted fish still in the microwave. –

Molly has to move-twist

Parallel Timeline – Mollie is there to go back through the albums- as a part of unraveling dreams.

Fish in microwave

Mom and Mollie riff when finding Mollie’s Jesus poem-

Being seen for the truth of who she is.

Mollie’s triggered seeing the picture from the trip with dad-where he

Reconnect to Family. Get guidance from dad about the non-profit and Cease and Desist. Excited about unraveling dreams.

Mollie’s always looking for validation-

Dad’s intolerance of anything deep Mollie feels is spiritually meaningful-says get on with your life.

Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

It’s Dad’s birthday, and he’s not listening to anyone. Subtext: Unbeknownst to Mollie, he and Mollie’s mom are in full activation mode to prepare for their intentional self-suicide. Amplify Mollie’s thrill at the truth of her dreams being validated. Add in her interview with Dad about what he knew about the hotel’s fire on its 100th birthday. (Possible parallel future timeline) Build up Dad’s judgmental response regarding Mollie’s exile from her non-profit and receiving a Cease and Desist. Add in the shock and Mollies argument with Dad about Mom’s dementia. Build up Dad’s infidelity, Mollie seeing the photo albums-trip. Add in Superior Interest Technique.

[Shelley darling]

Title: Shelley Darling Full-out Characters

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is how creating an extreme version of a character’s traits in alignment with the subtext enhances the fulfillment and vision of the scene.

CURRENT PROFILE: MEG stirs up a hornet nest, running from a spinal tumor diagnosis while unraveling her dreams.

REVISED PROFILE: MEG, an aspiring journalist hopeless at intimacy, is driven to follow her dreams in pursuit of true love and freedom.

SUBTEXT: Compelled to fulfill her mission, distracted, MEG loses ground when thwarted by her obsession for love.

TRAITS: high-spirited, forthright, indecisive, escapist

Before: free-spirited, stubborn, naïve, motivated

CURRENT PROFILE: CHRISTIAN, a multiethnic water corporation employee struggling with his identity, wrestles with his conflicting sexual desires and religious beliefs.

REVISED PROFILE: CHRISTIAN, an adopted multiethnic water corp underling, wrestles with his conflicting sexual desires and religious beliefs.

SUBTEXT: Christian prides himself as a man of God, though guilt-ridden of being a promiscuous swinger.

TRAITS: Repressed, Dogmatic, Charmer, Virtuous

Before: Repressed, Conflicted, Manly, Ethical

CURRENT PROFILE: Emmy, a passionate water activist and a college friend of Meg’s, is a maternal earth guardian with underlying feelings of being unrecognized and unappreciated.

REVISED PROFILE: EMMY, a zealous water activist committed to a long-time friendship with Meg, comes unglued when confronted by her dysfunctional relationship patterns.

SUBTEXT: Emmy’s trigger temper threatens her friendships whenever she feels unappreciated and unrecognized.

TRAITS: dependable, strong-willed, fanatical, defensive

Before: loyal, dedicated, emotional-reactive, defensive

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Shelley darling.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley’s rewrite QE Cycle #2 for critique:

LOGLINE: After his client dies on the mountain, John, the ski instructor implicated, must prove Nick is the one the investigator is looking for before it’s too late.

ESSENCE: A lone wolf must rely on friendship in order to reveal the truth.

SCENE: INT. GONDOLA RESTAURANT AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN

Small groups of skiers huddle nursing steaming hot toddies inside a dining hall. Tall windows frame high mountain peaks as the snowstorm rages.

Two men enter, stomping ice from their bright-colored ski boots. It is clear from the ease of their movement they spend their lives on the steep slopes. Their somber faces are deeply weathered. Pins on their jackets show their names and job titles.

NICK, (29) a large Nordic ski instructor navigates through rows of empty tables. JOHN, (36), a patrolman, hangs back, his pale blue eyes sharply scanning the room. Prompted by Nick, John follows with a cautious wolfish stride.

NICK (28) (waiting for John to catch up)

Hey man, let’s get a back table. We need to get your story straight.

Metal chairs scraping on concrete as they sit down. Nick, leaning back his chair, slyly surveys the environment, John glares at Nick.

NICK (CON’T)

Look, the investigator is due any minute, and I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt.

JOHN

Why are you worrying about me, dude, it’s not your business, I can work this out.

NICK

Hey, look around you, do you see anyone else who’s got your back?

Stop trying to do it yourself, this is serious, let me help. (laughing) I’ll put money down for your bail.

JOHN
I’ve always been there for you, but, come on, you’ve got to be kidding… and I’m to believe you, with your past deceptions?

NICK

Those were the old days, long past, I couldn’t have gotten on the ski patrol if I was still drinking.

JOHN

Yeah, right. The truth. I wonder who’d you pay off? You know full on it is always the same, one beer, and you’re in the hole again. And you’re a cheating drunk.

NICK

5 years sober last Wednesday.

JOHN

Well, I’ve been hearing otherwise.

NICK (caught in his lie)

Fuck ‘em if they can’t take it!

JOHN

Look, a million bucks say you had something to do with it—time to take off the Superman suit. Is it any coincidence you arrived even before I called a code red? I’m railroaded because I left my jacket to keep the old guy warm. You were still there when I left skiing down the gnarliest conditions to arrange for the ambulance.

LUCY (21) comes out of the kitchen all dolled up, dressed in a chef’s apron.

LUCY

Hey boys. What’s up lover-(kisses Nick). You guys still at it?

JOHN

Hey Luce. (turns back to Nick) You moonlight for the guy. I wouldn’t have taken him up the mountain if I knew he was sick. Nick, you know more than you tell and wanting more from the old guy.

NICK

God help you. You’ll need help with your storytelling if you want to get out of this one because you knew he couldn’t do a black diamond.

JOHN

Hey man (putting his arm on Nick’s), how would I have known he couldn’t do a black diamond…maybe it’s time to tell the truth behind your story.

NICK

Lucy, will you please set this loner straight?

LUCY (lightheartedly, with a quick conspiratorial smile)

John, I was with Nick, don’t you remember? Sure, it was foggy towards the bottom of the mountain, with two feet of fresh powder at the top. People were having fun. Hey, I’m going to see you later in the kitchen for tonight’s function, right? You promised.

NICK

What’s going on here? (jokingly) John, you have my permission to take my lady into the kitchen.

JOHN

Are you jealous? Look, I committed to helping Luce in the kitchen before all this happened. But we’re not done with this conversation. There’s something off here, and I will find out what it is.

Nick grabs Lucy around the waist and pulls her close, revealing tattoos on her arm.

JOHN

Hey, wait a minute… that’s it! Luce, that last ink you got says it- the one Nick really didn’t like – what does it say?

NICK (interrupting)

What are you talking about? Leave her out of this!

JOHN

Luce, you know something, I can see it in your eyes. (Lucy looks away, throwing a casual glance at Nick)

NICK

Her name is Lucy. (turns to Lucy) I don’t know how you put up with this guy. Doesn’t trust anybody, not even his friends. There’s no evidence, John. They are not going to put you in jail.

JOHN

I’m taking a big risk here. The patrol does the trail checks and handles the mountain signage, but the sign was missing. The old man was ahead of me and didn’t know it was a black diamond until he dropped in. By then it was too late.

NICK

(quickly start leading Lucy away) Come on, Hun, let’s leave this loser. Once a loner, always a loner.

LUCY

Nick, enough. I have proof of your involvement. I found this note in the snow after they took the old man down in the gurney. Don’t you recognize it? This is the note you gave the old man, it must have fallen out of his pocket that day.

(NICK turns to Lucy) Sweetie, you must be mistaken. I’ve never seen this note, in fact…

JOHN

Admit it Nick? You are a conniving asshole. You knew the old guy was sick. You set this up.

LUCY

Nick, I ain’t going anywhere with you unless you admit this whole thing was another one of your schemes. The note proves it.

NICK
(laughing) Oh yeah, right, I admit nothing.

Nick suddenly whips around, grabbing John by the neck.

NICK CON’T)

Why, you worthless piece of shit! I hope they hang you!

JOHN
Hey, you’d be wise to let go schmuck- and look around you. Meet ALL MY friends.

NICK

You ain’t got no friends, dude.

A group of ski patrolmen gathers, with other locals menacingly encircling Nick. Trying one more time to side-punch John, John dodges the blow. Nick, missing, is thrown off balance, and slips, cracking his head on the nearby ski rack. Trapped, eyes wild, blood streams down his face.

The gang of locals jumps in, grabbing Nick. Cackling loudly, they hang him by his parka on the ski rack. The crowd cheers John on as the investigative team arrives. In a full curtsy, Lucy hands the implicating note to the investigator in charge.

JOHN (admiringly, turns towards Lucy)

It’s about time…thanks, Luce, I couldn’t have done it without you… and the gang.

John gives her a hot kiss on the lips, lifting her arm, showing her tattoo, “THE TRUTH REVEALS ALL.”

LUCY (reaching for John’s hand)

Come on babe, let’s go, we got a flock to feed tonight. (Turning towards Nick) Hell, he’s finally gonna to get more than just hanging on the rack.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Shelley darling.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley scene ready for feedback:

LOGLINE: After his client dies on the mountain, John, the ski instructor who’s implicated, must prove Nick is the one the investigator is looking for before it’s too late.

ESSENCE: The time of the lone wolf ends when truth has its way.

SCENE: INT. GONDOLA RESTAURANT AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN

NICK

Look man, the investigator is due any minute, and I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. You need to get your story straight.

JOHN

Don’t worry yourself, dude, it’s not your business.

NICK

Stop trying to do it yourself, man, let me help. I’ll even put some money down for your bail. Let’s go get a table, and you can tell me your side of the story.

JOHN

You have to be kidding with your rebellious past?

NICK

Hey, I’m the only person who’s got your back. Those were the old days, I couldn’t have gotten on the ski patrol if I was still drinking.

JOHN

Right, you know full on one beer and you’re in the hole again.

NICK 5 years sober.

JOHN

Look, a million bucks say you had something to do with it—time to take off the Superman suit. I left my jacket up there, trying to lighten my load, so I could ski down and get the ambulance. Some coincidence that you arrived even before I called a code red.

LUCY

(Comes out of the kitchen dressed in a chef’s apron)

Hey boys, what’s up lover-(Kisses Nick). You guys still at it?

JOHN

Hey Luce. (turns back to Nick) I didn’t know the guy was sick. I wouldn’t have taken him up the mountain if I knew he’d have had a heart attack. Nick, you know more than you tell; you worked for the guy and recommended me.

NICK

God help you. You’ll need help with your storytelling if you want to get out of this one because you knew he couldn’t do a black diamond.

JOHN

Hey man (putting his arm on Nick’s), maybe it’s time, to tell the truth of your story.

LUCY

(gives a quick conspiratorial smile) I was with Nick on that beautiful day, remember? Sunny at the top of the mountain, and people were having fun. Stop spending so much time alone, John, I’ll see you later in the kitchen for tonight’s function.

NICK

Ok, you have my permission to take my lady into the kitchen.

JOHN

Look, I committed to helping Luce in the kitchen before all this happened. But we’re not done with this conversation. There’s something off here, and I will find out what it is.

Nick grabs Lucy around the waist and pulls her close, revealing her tattoos.

JOHN

Hey, wait a minute… that’s it! Luce, that last ink you got says it, the one Nick really didn’t like – what does it say?

NICK (interrupting)

What are you talking about? Leave her out of this!

JOHN

Luce, you know something, I can see it in your eyes.

Lucy looks away, and throws a casual glance at Nick.

NICK

Her name is Lucy. (turns to Lucy)

I don’t know how you put up with this guy. Doesn’t trust anybody, not even his friends. You gotta take it like a man, John, they will not put you in jail just…

JOHN

What do you know I don’t know? I’m taking a risk here, but it’s my only choice. The patrol does the trail checks and handles the mountain signage. The sign was missing and the old man didn’t know it was a black diamond until it was too late.

NICK

(quickly start leading Lucy away) Come on, Hun, let’s leave this loser. Once a loner, always a loner.

JOHN

Hey, I got some friends, here they come now.

A gang of instructors gathers, and the locals menacingly surround Nick-

LUCY

Hey Nick. I have proof of your involvement. I found this note in the snow after you took the old man in the gurney. Don’t you recognize it? This is the note you gave the old man, it must have fallen out of his pocket that day.

(NICK turns to Lucy) Sweetie, you must be mistaken. I’ve never seen this note, in fact…

JOHN

Why don’t you admit it Nick? You are a conniving asshole. You knew the old guy was sick. You set this up.

LUCY

Nick, I ain’t going anywhere with you unless you admit this whole thing was another one of your schemes. The note proves it.

NICK

(laughing) Oh yeah, well, I admit nothing.

The gang grabs Nick and hangs him on the ski rack by his coat. The crowd snickers as the investigator arrives. Lucy hands him the note.

JOHN

It’s about time…-thanks, Luce, I couldn’t have done it without you.

(John gives her a hot kiss on the lips and her tattoo that says THE TRUTH REVEALS ALL)

LUCY

Anything for you, sweetie. Like you, I’ve wanted to hang him on the rack for years.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Shelley darling.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley’s scene ready for feedback-

INT. 100-YEAR-OLD HISTORIC ALEHOUSE – DUSK

Happy Hour at the Alehouse, already a bit lit, ROBERT (36), with bravado, is schmoozing with local friends at the rustic old bar. Robert is a big guy with the faded grace of a natural athlete who let himself go. He commands the room with the practiced entitlement of the star left tackle of their high school champion football team, even if they’ve all heard his stories before. A large gray wolf hybrid is sitting loyally at his side. Historic photos line the walls.

ROBERT (over the Country music blasting)

Yeah, we dominated the State Chanpionshps senior year, nothing could touch us, especially with that the winning goal. You remember that grand canyon, I opened up for Trent to tiptoe the ball across the line.

Robert turns to flirt with the women sitting on the bar stool next to him.

ROBERT (cont.)

The woman, looking spooked, is not interested and turns away, ignoring him.

ROBERT (cont.)

Hey, what’s up? (Back to the room) By the way, did you hear that Pete’s old man is getting it on with his caregiver? I walked in one day after fixin’ his tractor for him, and she was pulling up his pants. Well, everyone knows how that family is about their sexual escapades.

Robert, yells across the room to the bartender, Pete, catches his attention.

ROBERT
Hey Pete, ya double dippin’ there with your dad. (Pete laughs uncomfortably).

KITTY (pushing through the crowd, carrys a tray of drinks over her head)

Cut the shit, Robert. You’re always spreading slime…watch out, karma’s a bitch!

ROBERT (running his hand up her side as she passes through)

Kitty, babe, you sure are looking soooo good these days.

KITTY

Robert- if you make me spill these drinks, you’re going to be buyin’ them! Let me through.

ROBERT

Don’t you think the others would love to hear about last night?

Glaring at Robert, Kitty storms out to the kitchen as the double swinging doors slam shut.

ROBERT
But come on, we’re all here to celebrate our big-city boy’s triumphant return. Who’s betting that “Timely Trent” is going to be late, cuz I’m sayin’ he’s comin’ in on the dot. Ahh..No takers? Cowards. We all know you can set your timers on the guy.

(crowd laughter)

Robert pulls out his phone and the timer is already set and counting down

ROBERT (CONT.) Bellowing like a bull trying to whip up excitement
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BONG!! (the phone alarm blasts)

On point the front door opens as TRENT (38) arrives scanning the room. Smoothing his hair, he steps carefully over the huge old rusted saw blade embedded in the foyer floor, walking past the wall of townie photos from years ago. He hesitates when he hears the uproarious laughter. Clearly uncomfortable, Trent’s dressed in a brand-new ensemble of a silk black cowboy shirt with white piping, stiff Levi’s, crocodile skin cowboy boots and a tall Stetson. Trent is starkly out of place in the sea of faded flannel plaid.

ROBERT (CONT)

SURPRISE! Trent, my man, you’re so predictably punctual for your welcome home party.
Hey dude, Is this your idea of “country”? I was expecting Italian leather shoes and a custom-made New York City slicker suit.

Robert gives Trent a hardy, manly, half hug. Trent stiffens, brushing off his clothes afterward.

TRENT

Hey, good to see you too. Well, Angel’s right again … I do now see that I’m a tad over dressed. I tried, but I guess I missed the mark. I had these custom-made on Madison Ave. What do you think? (Trent winks slyly)

ROBERT
Well, I think you look ridiculous! No worries. It’s about time the prodigal son returns. This time, you’re in it for the real gold. Everyone knows you already got the corner office the one I’ve had my eye on.

TRENT (angrily leaning in, stage whispering into Robert’s ear)

Robert. Why did you tell all of these people to come? I thought we were coming in for a few quiet drinks to catch up. Just you and me. Feels like I’m being scrutinized.

TRENT (CONT.)

(waving to get the bartender’s attention) Hey Pete, order me up a Guinness and for my friend, a pale Ale…and don’t forget to put it on HIS tab.

BARTENDER PETE

Good to see you boys back together. How long has it been?

ROBERT (to Pete) Years.
(whispering to Trent) You think I’m conspiring against you? That’s rich, after all you’ve done.

(waving to Pete) He’s back alright.

BARTENDER PETE

You boys have always been at each other, stiff competitors since prep school, eh?

TRENT

Good to see you, too. Hey, how about a round for all the natives. Time to share my good fortune with my friends! It sure is something to see you, cuz. It’s been too long.

ROBERT

And whose fault is that? You always knew where to find me… but hey, where’s that woman of yours hiding out? How’s Angel?

Trent, changing the subject, turns his back on Robert boasting to the others of being the star quarterback winning the championship game.

TRENT

Remember that final touchdown I racked up? Shattered the high school record! A performance that still reigns supreme in this town’s rushing history!

ROBERT

(Steps in front of Trent)

There he goes again, always acting as though it was a solo act. We made that play possible for you. Me and the rest of the offensive line.

TRENT

Well, it was my face that showed up in the evening news. ANd never mind still endures as a legacy that many can’t comprehend as being athletically possible!

ROBERT

Stop! Enough!

TRENT

Pete – another round for the house, and how about some of that nasty gruel you make up in that kitchen of yours. Is that greasy grill still smoking from that last fire?

BARTENDER PETE

Easy does it, Trent…we all know, thanks to you, we have a sparkling new stove.

ROBERT

Shouldn’t we all say thanks to your old man, Pete? He was the one who was left with the bag when Mr Big skipped town.

TRENT (CONT)

(to Robert) You still can’t stand that I got it all, can you?

ROBERT

Bullshit. I can see you haven’t changed a bit. (changing the subject, speaking loudly to the room) So, rumor has it that our man is actually broke. Heard you went through bankruptcy back in the city. (Robert has the crowd’s interest)

TRENT

Says who? Guess you’re still the town gossip. No one believes a thing you say anymore. You and that so-called wolf dog of yours. He’s a service dog – yeah right – No one here has ever seen any papers, nor his vest.

ROBERT

(Slamming his drink down) Hey, bro, let’s ease up, we still have to show up at work tomorrow. Let’s go sit at our old booth, you know the one with the initials R & A scratched in the wood, remember?

TRENT
Yeah, I remember. I carved them, and you’re the one who got shit for it.

Trent and Pete exchange a nod between them. Robert, oblivious to their glances, intimately puts his hand on Trent’s back and leads him to the back booth. Trent sits down, wiping the table follows with rearranging his silverware. The wolf dog settles down with a quiet galumph at Robert’s feet.

TRENT (CONT)
(Twisting his head around the booth) Hey Pete, two more of the same and add in a shot for my friend and don’t forget to give us some of those hot and spicy wings to cool things down!

TRENT ((CONT) (quietly)

Hey man, don’t touch me like that again. Now, fill me in-how are your folks doing? Are they still fuming over the estate turnover?

ROBERT

You were in on it and I surmise got a healthy cut of the take-didn’t you? Bet thats how you could afford to move to New York City.

TRENT

I went over and over the papers looking for a way out for them. I couldn’t stop the foreclosure.

ROBERT

Angel even knew – she told me – though she was between a rock and a hard place, being pregnant and all. There was nothing she could do other than to get hitched to your shit show.

Bartender Pete delivers the food and next round of drinks.

TRENT

Nobody used condoms back there, not even you, buddy. Hold on-where are you getting this from? Wait, I can see by your face you’ve seen Angel. When could you have seen her?

ROBERT

Angel? Oh.. Angel. You mean my ex-fiancé, or do you mean your knocked up bride? She just showed up at the bottling plant last night before I closed down. She hinted at your financial troubles.

TRENT

Can’t seem to stay out of anyone’s business, ever. Never going to get over her, are you? Gotta stick your nose in.

ROBERT
She came onto me, man. I’ve long since yielded to the victorious king.
(a long beat, blinking strangely trying to focus) Decent man that I am and all.

TRENT
Stop lying, I know you invited her there. When are you going to get it? I WON THE BEAUTIFUL GIRL. I GOT OUT OF THIS TOWN. Remember the chant “ The bigger they are, the harder they fall.”

ROBERT
Enough Man. Time to let bygones to be bygones.

Robert drunkenly grabs Trent’s hand to shake it, and Trent again pulls back.

ROBERT (CONT) ( speaking into his drink)

What! You didn’t have any trouble keeping your hands off Angel and me, back when we were all swinging together!

TRENT

You dirty, drunk bastard.

Trent tries to kick Robert under the table, but instead clips the dog. The wolf dog growls deep in his throat. Trent lunges forward and grazes Robert’s face with the flat of his hand.

Losing his balance, Robert clumsy stands, pulls open his knife. All faces from the bar are frozen in a moment of fear. Laughing, Robert folds the knife and puts it away in the sheath on his hip and turns in his seat.

ROBERT

THAT’S IT MAN, I’VE BEEN DRUGGED!

Now trying to stand, Robert throws his shot glass, narrowly missing Robert as it splinters against the wall, right next to the R&A carved heart. Trent and Robert, now scuffling, knock into Pete with a tray of drinks in his hand. Stumbling to save the drinks, Pete backs into a shelf lined with knick-knacks and knocks off a green bottle. When it shatters on the grimy floor, the tense woman at the bar bolts upright, slamming cash down on the bar, and runs out the front door.

BARTENDER PETE

Hey boys, out the back door, ENOUGH. I said take it outside!

ROBERT (mumbling)

Put it all on HIS tab-

Robert is stumbling as the two men are still grappling, pushing each other, as the fight escalates. Through the misty rain, Robert barely sees the woman from the bar getting in her car and driving off.

ROBERT

(Tries to right hook Trent in the face, missing)

One for the road and for taking Angel.

TRENT

(Trent punches Robert in the stomach and continues to kick his butt, knocking him to the ground again)

You were a nothing, and still a nothing. If it weren’t that you were close to the Family – I’d flatten you…

They hear a horrendous crash and stop abruptly) (Robert bleeding, wipes his nose)

ROBERT (sitting upright, like a toy soldier at attention)
Shit, what was that?

TRENT

This is worse than when the lightning bolt hit the Alehouse years ago.

Leaving Robert on the ground in the dark parking lot. Trent, just a shadowy body in the dim light, heads back toward the tavern. Calling back to Robert.

TRENT (cont.)

That’s enough for now, loser. I’m going to call 911. Better see you at work tomorrow, that’s if you want to keep that job.

ROBERT (weak, barely able to lift hihs head, signals his dog to go after Trent)
Right. Will do. INTRUDER!

TRENT (whipping back around towards Trent)
Huh?

At the attack command, in a streak of flashing gray smoke and amber eyes, Trent’s taken down at the throat by the wolf standing alert on the outside deck.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Shelley darling.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley’s first rewrite:

INT. 100-YEAR-OLD HISTORIC ALEHOUSE – DUSK

Happy hour at the Alehouse, Robert is schmoozing with the local customers at the bar, loudly telling stories. Trent, arriving late for his own celebration, stirs up old resentments.

ROBERT

(Country music blasting)

Have you heard that Pete’s old man is getting it on with his nurse? I walked in one day after fixin’ his tractor for him-she was trying to pull up his pants and well, you know-(crowd laughter)

KITTY

Cut the shit, Robert. You’re always making up these things, and…one day…

ROBERT

Now, Kitty, sit tight, babe-you sure are looking good these days.

KITTY

Robert-

ROBERT (CONT)

Do you think the others would want to hear what happened the other night?

Kitty storms out to the kitchen as the screen door slams open. Trent enters dressed in a silk black cowboy shirt with white piping, new cowboy boots and a tall suede hat.

ROBERT (CONT)

Late for your own promotion party, Trent. Well-it’s about time you returned to the scene of the crime. Though this time, you’re in it for the real gold!

TRENT

Hey Joe, order me up a Guinness and for my friend, a pale Ale…and don’t forget to put it on HIS tab.

BARTENDER

Good to see you boys back together. How long has it been?

ROBERT

Years. He’s back alright. Now working as the boss man.

BARTENDER

You boys have always been at it, competitors since prep school, right?

TRENT

Good to see you, too. Hey, how about a round for the natives. Time to share with my friends! (Wraps his arm around Robert)- Hey, glad to see you Cuz. It’s been too long

ROBERT

Yes, we all are your friends-true enough.. Where’s that woman of yours hiding out?

Where’s Angel? Is she coming?

TRENT

(boasting, changing the subject, turns to the others to tell his story being the quarterback)

Remember that touchdown I racked up? Shattered the high school record! A performance that still reigns supreme in this town’s rushing history!

ROBERT

There you go again, always acting as though it was a solo act.

TRENT

The tracks of a legacy that many still can’t comprehend as being athletically possible!

ROBERT

Stop! Really. You know, you wouldn’t have gotten there without me and the others. You never ever mention it was us guys that got you there.

TRENT

Bartender-another round for the house! After this, some of that nasty gruel you make up in that kitchen of yours. Still smoking from that last fire?

BARTENDER

Easy does it…we all know, thanks to you, we have a sparkling new stove.

ROBERT

Shouldn’t we say thanks to old man Pete? He was the one who was left with the bag when Mr Big left town. Full of excuses, I might add.

TRENT (CONT)

Where are you going with this, Robert? Looking at the others-Let’s get back to the game, still can’t own it, eh-we all know you were hiding behind the others.

ROBERT

Just saying. I can see you haven’t changed a bit. (Changing the subject) Rumor has it you’re broke.

TRENT

Who? What rumor-still the town gossip, I’m surmising. No one believes you anymore. You and that wolf dog of yours. He’s a service dog-yeah right-No one here has ever seen any papers, nor his vest.

ROBERT

(Slamming his drink down) Hey, bro, you just got back-let’s ease up here. We do have tomorrow. Let’s go sit at our old booth with those scratched initials R & A under the table in the wood -shall we? Joe, 2 more with some of those hot and spicy wings to cool some of us down!

TRENT

(Trent sitting wiping and rearranging his silverware) So fill me in-how’s your ole folks doin’? And the others-still fuming over the estate turnover? Can’t blame that on me. I went over and over the papers. I couldn’t stop the foreclosure.

ROBERT

You were in it with them. Angel even knew-though she was between a rock and a hard place, being knocked up and all.

TRENT

Who are you getting this from? Wait a minute…wait, I can see by your face you’ve seen Angel. When?

ROBERT

Angel? Oh Angel, you mean my ex-fiancé or your pregnant wife? She showed up at the site-water bottling company, last night before I closed down. She implied you’re bankrupt.

TRENT

Can’t seem to stay out of anyone’s business, ever. Never going to get over her, are you? Gotta stick your nose in.

ROBERT

She came over to me, man. I’ve yielded to the victorious king. Decent man that I am.

Robert grabs Trent’s hand to shake it. Trent pulls away and wipes his hand off with a handkerchief.

TRENT

Sorry it didn’t go your way, bro. Just the way it is.

ROBERT

What! You can’t touch me now? Back then, we were all swinging together. If only you hadn’t gotten her pregnant. You’re always needing to one-up me. Everyone knows it- see, Bill over there-he was talking about you the other night.

TRENT

Why you’re still a dirty, drunk bastard. (kicks the dog under the table and grazes Robert’s face with his fist)

ROBERT

That’s it. Pulls out his knife. (All faces from the bar are frozen tight) (laughing) Puts it away.

Trent drops his beer, bolts up from the booth, and shoves Robert. Scuffling, they knock into the bartender.

BARTENDER

(Saving the drinks in hand, he backs into the shelf and knocks the green bottle off. A woman, upset, leaves cash and runs out the front door)

Hey boys, out the back door, ENOUGH. I said take it outside!

ROBERT

Put it all on his tab-

The men are tussling, and the fight is escalating. Robert sees the woman enter her car and drive off through the heavy mist.

ROBERT

(Right Punches Trent in the face) One for the road and taking Angel.

TRENT

(Trent punches Robert in the stomach and continues to kick his butt, knocking him to the ground) You were nothing and still nothing. If it weren’t that you were close to the family-I’d…

ROBERT

(They hear a car crash and stop abruptly) (Bleeding, wiping his nose) Shit, what was that?

TRENT

Worse than the lightning bolt that hit the Alehouse years ago.

(Leaving Robert on the ground in the parking lot, he heads back into the tavern)

Enough, for now, loser. I’m calling the cops. Better see you at work tomorrow if you still want a job.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darling, QE Cycle #1

INT. NEW ENGLAND BAR-DUSK

Happy Hour is now over. Robert and Trent continue drinking while telling stories and celebrating Trent’s return to town. Old resentments are rising.

ROBERT

(Country music blasting. Holding his beer glass up over the booth, looking for the Bartender to order more beers)

BARTENDER

Good to see you boys back together. How long has it been?

ROBERT

Years. Well, he’s back alright. Now working as the big boss man.

BARTENDER

You boys have always been at it, competitors since prep school, right? Two more pale ales?

TRENT

(laughing-boasting) Good to see you, too.

Do you remember that touchdown I racked up? Shattered the high school record! A performance that still reigns supreme in rushing history! What do you say, serve us up another?

ROBERT

There you go again, always acting as though it was a solo act.

TRENT

…the tracks of a legacy that many still can’t comprehend as being athletically possible!

ROBERT

Stop! You know, you wouldn’t have gotten there without me and the others. You never ever mention it was us guys that got you there.

TRENT

Where are you going with this? You were hiding behind the others.

ROBERT

Just saying. I can see you haven’t changed a bit. (Changing the subject) Rumor has it you’re broke.

TRENT

Who? What rumor-still the town gossip, I’m surmising.

ROBERT

Cat got your tongue? Mr. high and mighty.

TRENT

How did you hear about this? Wait a minute…wait, I can see by your face you’ve seen Angel. When?

ROBERT

She showed up at the site-water bottling company last night before I closed down. Heard you’re actually bankrupt.

TRENT

Can’t seem to stay out of anyone’s business, ever. Never going to get over her, are you? Got to stick your nose in.

ROBERT

She came over to me, man. We were swinging partners, you’re always needing to one-up everyone. If you hadn’t gotten her pregnant…

TRENT

Why you…still a dirty, drunk bastard.

ROBERT

That’s it- I’m gone.

Trent pushes Robert. Scuffling, they knock into the bartender.

BARTENDER

(Saving the drinks in hand, he backs into the shelf, knocking off the antique green bottle. A woman, upset, leaves cash and runs out the front door)

Hey boys, enough, take it outside! I’ll just put it on your tab, like always-

ROBERT

Out the back door-

The men are tussling, and the fight is escalating. Robert sees the back of the woman enter her car and drive off through the misty rain.

ROBERT

(Punches Trent in the face) One for the road and taking Angel.

TRENT

(Trent punches Robert in the stomach, then continues to kick Robert’s butt) You were nothing and still nothing. If it weren’t that you were close to the family-I’d…(They hear a car crash and stop abruptly)

ROBERT

Shit, what was that?

TRENT

Worse than the lightning bolt that hit the tavern years ago-

ROBERT

(Leaving the parking lot, heads back into the tavern)

Enough, for now, loser. See you tomorrow, I’m going back in to call the cops-

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Shelley darling.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Shelley darling.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darling: Max Interest Techniques

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is using these interest techniques to develop the characters’ interplay in the scene is imperative and needs to be done for every scene.

Title: Burning Truth

Scene: INT. SNOW FALLS, RUSTIC INN – DAY

Logline: Moses pulls into his favorite drinking hole, the Rustic Tavern, not realizing he’s taken Mollie back to the scene of her accident.

Essence: In an interplay of synchronicities, Mollie’s forced to reveal more of herself than she’s ready while discovering Moses was there the night of the accident.

Interest Techniques Used: Suspense, Major Twist, Uncertainty, Character Change

Note: Interesting Setting: Moses has picked up Mollie, taking her for a day trip to Paris Hill. Much to Mollie’s dismay and to Moses’ irritation, he tried to pull over at a Casino for a beer and lunch. A few miles down the road, he turns into the location of her accident, the Rustic Tavern.

MOLLIE

What the f…

(a much used Bible on the dashboard)

I mean, what the heck are we doing here?

MOSES:

Got something against this place as well?

Note: Suspense: Mollie is back at the accident scene. Major twist: Mollie thinks she is going for a casual lunch and suddenly finds herself confronted with reliving one of the most traumatic moments of her life. Betrayal: Mollie’s experience of betrayal is played out when she reactively jumps to the conclusion that Moses, whom she does not know at all, may have ulterior motives. Superior Position: Mollie knows that the location is the scene of the accident; but doesn’t yet know that Moses was there that night. Moses doesn’t know that Mollie was the accident victim. The audience knows before they do.

MOLLIE
(Music blasting)
Why did you bring me here? What are you up to?
You didn’t ask me about this!

Note: Mislead-reveal/Character changes radically: Mollie’s shocked when Moses, (who she’s highly attracted to) brings her here without discussion or agreement. Why would he bring her here, of all places?

MOSES

Stop!

Come on, I know the bartender.

They’ve got a great lunch, I’m sure you can find some decent squirrel food.

It does have a spooky past, however… everyone likes ghost stories, don’t you?

MOLLIE

Let’s get out of here.

Note: Surprise: This and the previous Rustic Tavern scenes are shot so they are presented completely differently (sunny afternoon v.s. stormy night) so it is not obvious that they are at the same place. The audience is given few clues until we enter and see the saw blade and the expression of the bartender.

Moses lets Pepper out of the back of the truck and saunters over to the entrance. Opening the screen door, Moses gestures firmly and ushering Mollie in, pointing to the huge saw blade embedded in the floor.

MOSES

Hey, check out this saw blade.

(Seeing Mollie’s hesitation and laughing at his own pun)

hmm…so very edgy.

Putting on a brave face, Mollie, visibly shaken, steps tentatively over the blade, hugging close to the wall.

The bartender is very surprised to recognize Mollie, and is more surprised to see Moses with her.

MOSES

(Teasing)

See, that wasn’t so bad.

BARTENDER

Hey, Moses. Hi Pepper.

(speaking to Pepper)

You keep dragging him back here, don’t ya’ sweet girl

(tosses Pepper a treat)

You’re the lady who wrecked her car a couple of months back, aren’t ya’.

I remember you from the night of that accident.

Your angels were definitely looking out for you that night, for sure!

Note: Superior Position / Dramatic Irony: Now the audience has pieced together the clues and knows this is the scene of Mollie’s accident. Mollie & Moses still figuring it out when talking to the Bartender.

MOSES

What do you mean the night of the accident?

BARTENDER

She was the one. You know, you ran out in the rain after hearing it…

Told me to call the cops.

Note: Mislead-reveal: Bartender reveals – Mollie’s shocked when she learns Moses was there the night of the accident. Moses is stunned that Mollie is the same woman.

MOLLIE

What? You-You were here, in the bar?

That was you cackling in the dark corner.

MOSES

Hey bro, give us my table in the corner.

Same as lunch always for me. Do you know what you want yet?

Oh, and two beers. One Guinness.

Moses leads Mollie to his usual booth, this is obvious in his manner and in the way Pepper plunks herself down to watch everything… Mollie is highly apprehensive and hesitates.

MOSES

Come on, time to fess up, pretty lady… tell me what’s really happening here.

MOLLIE

Tell you everything? What about you?

MOSES

Sit. (pulling out chair-Mollie hesitates trying to figure out what to do)

Tell me everything in 30 minutes.

Note: Uncertainty — hope/fear: Mollie’s challenged to reveal herself and her issues with trust and truth – this shows her fears of deeper intimacy and her defensive reactions of withholding information – does she expose all? Does she reveal her authentic self or continue to play with false facades. She takes a chance.

MOSES

So, that was you the night of the accident?

MOLLIE

I was diagnosed with a spinal tumor by a neurosurgeon in Boston. When I found out it was slow growing, I told the doctor I was taking the summer off to heal it with alternative methods and left my parents hanging. Boy, my mom was so pissed. Always pushing you to do what she thinks is the right way.

Note: Character changes radically: Moses goes from controlling and suspicious to receptive and charming, softening as Mollie describes the night of the accident. Mollie-defensive and angry, shifting to vulnerable and trusting when Moses shows he is just as shocked as she is to have her showing up in his life again. Then closes up again when Moses teases her.

MOSES

Why have you come back now?

MOLLIE

(avoiding the question and changing the subject)

You and your friend were the ones

getting rowdy.

MOSES

(Staring at Mollie, stumped)

Geez – What a coincidence.

MOLLIE

(Tears up)

Coincidence? Really?

When the green bottle shattered – I panicked.

What was it that drove me out into that storm? I’m not sure.

MOSES

Yeah! I remember. It was really coming down. I never saw your face.

but I do recall when you high-tailed it outta here.

MOLLIE

I REALLY got spooked when seeing someone on the road…

That’s when I lost control of my car.

MOSES

(sarcastically)

It’s said Molly Ockett put a curse on the place, maybe it was her.

MOLLIE

Well, there really WAS something in the road.

MOSES

Never said there wasn’t.

Hmm…wait, didn’t I see you at the Wells Rally?

MOLLIE

(half-joking)

I bumped into you, and you yelled.

You scared the shit out of me – boy, you shot out such a glare!

You also were there that day at Dunkin’ Donuts.

So, do you still think it’s a coincidence or synchronicity?

The bartender interrupts, delivers food and beer, looking hard at Mollie, she’s uncomfortable being seen.

BARTENDER

You’re lookin’ good.

But what about your leg? You were limping that night.
Glad to see you in one piece.

MOLLIE

Thanks. That’s a whole other story.

MOSES

So, what are you running away from now?

MOLLIE

Not running away – looking for answers.

MOSES

(intrigued) And what do you do when you’re not a detective?

MOLLIE

You still haven’t answered MY question. Why are we here?

Do you think our meeting is still a coincidence, or is it synchronicity?

MOSES

What?

What language are you speaking? What’s synchronicity?

MOLLIE

(Mollie, looks at her phone to read him the definition of synchronicity)

Wow, it’s amazing you don’t know what synchronicity is?

MOSES

You’ve never met anyone like me, have you?

MOLLIE

Nope. You’ve never met anyone like me, either. It’s like we are anomalies to each other.

[Shelley darling]

Title: Shelley Profiles People

What I’ve learned is that I initially thought this was easy, then realized that, being an optimist and believing in people’s potential, I have not wanted to see people’s negative traits. I had to look at lists of traits to go deeper. This has already helped me personally and will help define our characters in a powerful way!

Person number 1

cheerful

sensual

Worthlessness

hard-headed

Person number 2

Persevering

hard-working

Dogmatic

Stubborn

Person number three

Compassionate

empathetic

self-critical

avoids conflict

Person number four

Outgoing

Chatterbox

superficial

Gossiper

All have proven true to form:)

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darling Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is… that it is imperative to look for the essence first to write with a deeper intimate understanding of the story and the characters.

Script I choose: Burning Truth

Scene 1 Location: INT. BOSTON, PARENT’S CONDO – NIGHT

Logline: After an uncomfortable dinner with Dad, Mollie confronts Dad with an unspoken incident from years ago, which he dismisses.

Essence I’ve discovered: Fearing her father sexually abused her, Mollie courageously confronts him, receiving an unexpected answer which sets her reeling.

New Logline: Mollie courageously confronts her dad about being sexually abused and receives a dismissive answer that sets her reeling.

Scene 2 Location: INT. FIVE CORNERS, ME, EGG-CEPTIONAL RESTAURANT – DAY

Logline: At breakfast with Dick amid a chaotic scene with a police chase, Mollie dubiously agrees to meet with Moses later.

Essence I’ve discovered: Yielding to an old relationship pattern, Mollie’s distracted from her investigation by a strong attraction to Moses.

New Logline: Furthering her investigations at breakfast with Dick, Mollie, distracted by a strong attraction to Moses, agrees to meet him later.

Scene 3 Location: EXT. POLAND, DOCKSIDE RESTAURANT – DAY

Logline: Sitting down with Moses on a first date, Mollie flirts while withholding what she already knows about him.

Essence I’ve discovered: Challenged by the anomaly of their completely different beliefs, Moses and Mollie are caught between their defensive withholding and flirting with new possibilities.

New Logline: On their first date, Moses and Mollie are caught between their defensive withholding and flirting with new love possibilities.

Scene 4 Location: INT. POLAND, ME, RICKER MEMORIAL LIBRARY – DAY

Logline: Going deeper into the truth of her investigation with Dick, Mollie questions her dad’s loyalty as the accountant at the time of the fire.

Essence I’ve discovered: Breaking through the tides of her unworthiness, Mollie questions her dad’s integrity and the force beneath his domination and self-righteousness.

New Logline: In further investigations of the night of the fire with Dick, Mollie questions her dad’s integrity as the accountant.

Scene 5 Location: EXT. PARIS, DRIVING/HEBRON ACADEMY – DAY

Logline: Tensions build as Moses takes Mollie to his old alma mater.

Essence I’ve discovered: Moving past their tit-for-tat bantering, Mollie and Moses allow a deeper trust to take hold.

New Logline: Moving past their tit-for-tat bantering, Mollie softens in a moment of vulnerability as Moses reveals a painful falling out with his best friend.

[Shelley darling]

Shelley Darling Finds the Essence

“What I’ve learned is the importance of finding the essence and not giving up, when challenged to go deeper.

Script I choose: Harriet Tubman

Scene 1 Location: Beginning of the first Act
Logline: John faces off to Brodess to set his wife and family free.

Essence: No such thing as freedom for slaves, no matter what.

Scene 2 Location: THOMPSON’S MILL – BEN’S CABIN
Logline: Minty running stops at her dad’s cabin to say goodbye.
Essence: Minty’s dad won’t look her in the eyes, he can see her heart.

Scene 3 Location: REV. GREEN’S CHURCH
Logline: Minty receives the Reverend’s blessing with words of God.

Essence: Fit with spells and warnings, Minty chooses her freedom over fear.

Scene 4 Location: Act Two: THOMPSON’S MILL
Logline: Risking her freedom, Minty returns for John and discovers he remarried.
Essence: Heartbroken and wrought with pain, Minty stops her urge to kill John.

Scene 5 Location: WINE CELLAR/MEETING ROOMS
Logline: After triumphantly freeing her family, Harriet’s introduced to the Underground Railroad. Essence: Harriet’s trust in listening to God while liberating others empowers her voice as they hailed her as a respected conductor on the UR.

My selection for most profound essence: WINE CELLAR/MEETING ROOMS and then Essence: Harriet’s trust in listening to God while liberating others empowers her voice as she is hailed as a respected conductor on the Underground Railroad.

I believe this is the essence, as it reflects every individual’s desire to feel free and to find meaning in their lives. Harriet has found her physical freedom in serving others and has learned to trust God.

[Shelley darling]

Hi everyone, I’m Shelley Darling, and I presently live in Maine. I’m currently writing one script. The pitch deck and treatment are completed, and I’m now working on the dialogue. This course comes at the perfect time to significantly improve my writing. My passion and profession are supporting people in living their dream by aligning their hearts, home, and habitat through the process of “Evolutionary Dowsing.”

[Shelley darling]

As a member of this group, I, Shelley Darling, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Shelley darling]

Hello William-

Circumstances prevailed that I couldn’t finish the course till now.

First of all, congratulations on finishing!

A great background for your scene with both of your characters. The Max Interest Techniques of suspense, Intrigue, and Dilemma were good, and I might suggest you incorporate some of the others and a bit stronger dialogue exchanges to elevate your scene.

What if Marcus had actually fell off the cliff? What if his Migraines were that he had a tumor? What if the two hikers who found them were corporate, and they weren’t supposed to be dating at all-company rules?

That might give you a lead to a cliffhanger…

Best of luck in all your screenplay endeavors!

Shelley

[Shelley darling]

Audrey-

A hilarious and compelling scene with a visceral sense of discomfort!

Great cliffhanger, anticipated dialogue, and effective hooks. You could possibly draw out the mystery further by Renee not revealing her issue so soon.

Renee’s character change from conformist to non-conformist was well presented. Holding off her confession or lying about what she did could have also demonstrated her devious trait. Her prissiness might be strengthened by showing greater discomfort at playing up her choice to be with a woman.

Fantastic scene!

Shelley

[Shelley darling]

Hello Hilton,

Your characters had a good setup and strong dialogue exchange. The subtext shown through the scene yet might encourage greater clarity in the plot points of the treachery. There could be greater development in the characters expressing their traits. I wasn’t clear on what each character wanted.

A great start to an interesting premise!

Shelley

[Shelley darling]

Hi Audrey-

You’ve done a good job describing the difficult situation and vividly describing the setting. Nancy’s scheming, conniving, and stubborn traits are well portrayed. You might want to play more with her subtext, shifting from overtly competitive to more covertly competitive, maybe concerning the affection of their son. You might want to show Nancy’s trait of caring subtly earlier in the dialogue, as it only comes through at the end.

Squire’s character traits of being happy-go-lucky were great; however, his other traits, such as evasive, selfish, and seductive, did not come through as clearly and could use more development, as well as his subtext as a seductive guy who uses his charm to control others, could be strengthened.

Just a few thoughts about the interest techniques – consider adding in a cliffhanger and developing dialogue that would weave in more subtext and mystery.

Great work – I enjoyed reading this:)

Shelley

[Shelley darling]

Feedback for Mary Stoner QE2

Hi Mary,

You have a potent set-up with the location in the botanical gardens. John’s vaping and pacing begin the scene with suspense and intrigue. After reading through the scene, I thought what might add to the setting is to start either at dawn or dusk, possibly adding a bit of added suspense immediately, as it would take place before the gardens open or after closing, immediately letting the audience know something’s up.

The Essence says, “John will do anything to rebuild his reputation.” I suggest giving this more attention to show how John does this, empowering the scene’s essence.

Wow. Maggie has betrayed them both! I would have liked to see her in the scene, get to know her, and see/feel more directly how she accomplishes this. It would add juice, and then the guys would have to respond before the fight. (It could also allow for other Interest techniques)

I hope this inspires you- great work!

Shelley

[Shelley darling]

FEEDBACK for Andrew’s rewrite QE Cycle 2 with marked character traits and Interest Techniques:

Hi Andrew,

I really loved your setting, it put me in the scene and had me on edge! I hope the following suggestions support the full arc of your characters.

I noticed you had the characters speaking to the others’ subtext more than the characters expressing their own-you might want to strengthen the scene by shifting this.

Also, John’s character trait of being daring doesn’t seem to show up till the end, when he dares to push Nick off the cliff. Consider emphasizing your Interest Techniques, this may help dramatize the situation even more. Maybe you could add a few others, such as superior position and radical character changes.

Please let me know if this critique is positive and helpful,

Shelley

LOGLINE: Nick and John argue and fight while rock climbing

ESSENCE: Nick’s in love with Jess; John is not.

EXT. ROCK FACE – DAY

A cliff face. High above the valley below.

A rope frays against a rock edge, as a climber below climbs up towards it. (Suspense)

The rope runs up to a pin higher up. A hand plays with the rope and pin…

The hand belongs rock climber, NICK [mid 20s]. He rests on a ledge as he waits for his companion to make the climb up to him.

Nick pulls away from his reverie as JOHN [mid 20s] appears over the ledge below him. He looks up at Nick.

JOHN

If I fell now, I’d be out of your way.

NICK

Yeah, I could make it look like an accident. (Conniving)

John eyes him from below.

JOHN

Is that why you brought me up here? (distrustful) (Nicks subtext)

Nick indicates the rope tied to his harness, and pulls on it to show they’re connected. He leans forward.

NICK

Take my hand. (Giving)

John ignores Nick. (distrustful)

He struggles to get a better grip, looking for a foothold under the ledge. (loner) (Uncertainty)

His foot slips. (Suspense)

Nick pulls back and braces with the rope for the fall.

John’s hanging on by his fingers.

NICK (CONT’D)

Lean back. Trust the rope. I’ve got it. (confidence)

John refuses, trying to get a foothold.

JOHN (CONT’D)

Sure you have…(distrustful)

John tries again to get a foothold, but slips. Falls.

Nick braces as the rope jerks tight with John’s body weight. John only falls a foot or so, hanging in midair.

NICK

See? If I wanted you out of the way, I wouldn’t be this obvious. (conniving)

John tries to reach the cliff face, but because of the ledge, he’s too far away.

JOHN

I can’t reach.

NICK

Swing yourself side to side.

The rope frays against the ledge, as John swings his body to get a hold of the rock face again.(suspense)

John gets a grip on the cliff face again.

JOHN

I just can’t believe my best man wants to bang my fiance. (distrustful) (subtext) (betrayal)

NICK

Do you want me to; cause that’s what it sounds like. (subtext)

JOHN

Are you?

NICK

We’re friends. I introduced you two, remember? I dared you to ask her out.

John appears over the ledge again.

JOHN

Why did you bring up here, Nick? (Nick’s subtext)

NICK

Do you love her, or do you just want to bang her?

JOHN

What’s the difference?

NICK

There’s a difference… but, okay, you don’t trust her and you want to test her, right?

JOHN

Maybe.

NICK

So set up a date, I’ll arrive instead, give her a few drinks, have a good time, see if she wants a last fling before tying the knot. (conniving)

Nick offers his hand.(giving)

NICK (CONT’D) (giving)

I’m trying to help.

John takes the helping hand this time and Nick hauls him onto the ledge, where he sits, getting his breath back.

NICK (CONT’D)

I won’t actually go through with it.

JOHN

How do I know that?(distrustful)

Nick studies the rock for the next leg of the climb, getting a hand hold.

NICK

You’ll just have to trust me.

He pulls himself upwards.

JOHN

I don’t. Not with Jess.

NICK

Yeah. If you don’t trust her, why you marrying her?

JOHN

I said I would. (loyal)

NICK

That’s a shit reason. (rebellious)

Nick hammers a pin into the rock further up.

NICK (CONT’D)

Love and trust go together, like this rope and these pins, man. The one is useless without the other.

John starts to climb up after Nick.

JOHN

I’ll be a loyal husband. (loyal)

NICK

Loyal like this rock – hard, unmovable, controlling…

John draws level with Nick, but this time he keeps climbing without looking at Nick.

NICK (CONT’D)

I don’t care what anyone says; if you don’t trust her – you don’t really love her. (rebellios)

JOHN

And I suppose you do.

Nick doesn’t answer.

John stops climbing; stares at Nick.

NICK

You’ve shown me you don’t love her; you don’t even know what love means.

JOHN

Shit. You really do want to bang her. (Betrayal)

John’s free leg swings out, catching Nick under the jaw, sending him backwards off the cliff. (surprise)

The rope tightens and Nick jerks to a halt.

John braces, but he has no pin to hold him this time, and Nick’s weight pulls him from the cliff face also. (suspense)

John jerks to a halt also.

The rope on the ledge frays more as the men swing in mid air. (Uncertainty)

Both men now hanging a few feet from each other, trading blows in midair… as the rope frays further.

[Shelley darling]

Hi Hilton,

I like the scene arc and how it immediately takes us into the tension with TRENT’s inquiry. Trent is on target, being meticulous in his investigation, and Robert, smooth talking and secretive. May I suggest it might be helpful for Robert to bring out his other character traits, such as being gregarious and needy, which would give depth to their interactions.

Another thought that arose was possibly to have TRENT be more direct at accusing ROBERT, which might bring out ROBERT’s low self-esteem and add to some Suspense, Intrigue, and possibly Betrayal. A consideration is maybe Robert doesn’t go so easily into the room, takes off has to do something else, or adding a little Dramatic Irony.

[Shelley darling]

Laurie,

I enjoyed your creative twist with your circus scene! I also am learning so much from reading everyone’s feedback. I can only ditto Andrew’s and Jennifer’s responses regarding Robert’s gregariousness and would like to see his “secretiveness” brought out which would add another layer to his character. Love this!

[Shelley darling]

Shelley’s feedback for Madeleine-

Following Mary’s response; I thought too it was a well-written scene. I would have liked greater depth in the characters’ engagement (maybe a bit more of Robert’s “smooth and gregarious” nature)and felt there was something more needed at the end of the scene that would add to the “ass-kicking” that Trent as the instigator, might have gotten:) Great work!

[Shelley darling]

Hi Andrew,

Nice to meet you.

Your taking the time to share your thoughts is appreciated. I can use help in this area, and as some of these are characters in the movie, being it’s a true story, inviting me to look deeper is great. I will look tomorrow and see if I can lean into this. Thank you- and if you find any helpful information from Hal-that would be great.

Thanks again—😊