[Margaret]

Margaret’s Profound Map Version 1

What I learned: My simple idea of a story took on a life of it’s own with the profound map. I realized I need to go back and map out my other screenplays. Lots of work ahead!

Profound Map for RAG DOLLS
TITLE: Rag Dolls
WRITTEN BY: Margaret Silebi
1. What is Your Profound Truth? God created each of us with unique skills, and we need courage from God to use them to carry God’s truth to the world.
2. What is the Transformational Journey?

Old Ways: Timid, passive acceptance when challenged, fearful, avoid change/risk.
Transformational journey: From passive seamstress to active resistance worker.
New Ways: Courageous, risk-taker, active resistance
Transformational Logline: A grieving, fearful grandmother, oppressed by Nazi’s, joins the resistance, courageously relaying messages through her rag dolls, secretly aiding in smuggling children to safety.
3. Who are Your Lead Characters?
Change Agent (the one causing the change): Helene
Transformable Character(s) (the one who makes the change): Margot
Betraying Character (if you have one): Lise
Oppression: Nazi occupation
4. How Do You Connect With Your Audience in the Beginning of the Movie?
A. Relatability – Loved one dies. Ordinary woman trying to meet a deadline.
B. Intrigue – Secret message sent saying someone must meet at a certain time or secrets will be exposed.
C. Empathy – Grieving grandmother.
D. Likability – Excellent seamstress, people praise her work.
5. What is the Gradient of the Change?
What steps do the Transformational Characters go through as they are changing?
Gradient 1. The Emotional Gradient – Desired Change
A. Excitement: Margot meets Helene and is recruited as a seamstress for the resistance.
B. Doubt: Margot doubts her ability to be a resistance worker because of her age.
C. Hope: Margot agrees to use her skills and code rag dolls to send messages that would assist Jewish children to safety over the Alps.
D. Discouragement: Margot has difficulty learning the code.
E. Courage: Margot bravely undermines the Nazi’s effort to obtain a message.
F. Triumph: After Resistance Network destroyed, Margot establishes a new network.

Gradient 2. The Action Gradient

A. Setup: Grieving grandmother who passively accepts Nazi occupation.
B. Journey: From doubting her abilities to be an effective resistance worker to active resistance worker who establishes her own resistance network.
C. Payoff: Establishes her own resistance network.
Gradient 3. The Challenge / Weakness Gradient
Challenge: Recruited as a resistance worker.
Weakness: Difficulty learning the code.

Next Challenge: Must lie to maintain cover.
Next Weakness: Moral code doesn’t include lying.

Next Challenge: Watching friend imprisoned, another shot to death.
Next Weakness: Fear of Dying

Next Challenge: Undergo Nazi questioning
Next Weakness: Fear of continuing the risk/resistance work.

6. What is the transformational Structure of your story.
4-Act Structure:
Act 1:
Opening: A half-Jewish girl is killed by a Nazi soldier in occupied France. A grandmother, Margot, struggles to finish her rag doll with time constraints. At a funeral, the grandmother lays the rag doll in her granddaughter’s dead arms. She is passed a note, forcing her to come to a certain place at a certain time or her “secrets will be exposed.”
• Introduce Margot as a grieving grandmother, hesitant, self-doubting seamstress who believes her age and limitations render her useless.
• Establish Lise as a nervous shop owner who believes she’s incapable of keeping important secrets.
• Highlight the religious and cultural divisions that typically separate people during this era
• Show the pervasive fear and passive acceptance of Nazi occupation.
Inciting Incident: Margot shows up at the prescribed place/time and meets Helene (German grandmother), Lise (toy shop owner), and elderly Marie-Claude (Math professor). Margot and Lise are recruited into the resistance to the Nazi occupation.
• Helene brings together Margot, Lise, Marie-Claude – women from different backgrounds
• Initial resistance from Margot: “I’m too old. What could I possibly do?”
• Lise’s immediate fear: “I can’t keep a secret. I’ll endanger everyone.”
• Marie-Claude shares the biblical story of Esther, drawing parallels to their current situation (For such a time as this…).
• Introduce the concept that God equips unlikely people for extraordinary purposes.
• Margot and Lise begin to see themselves differently.
Turning Point: Margot and Lise agree to join Helene and Marie-Claude’s resistance network.
• Despite fear, Margot agrees, quoting Isaiah 6:8: “Here I am, send me.”
• Lise commits, acknowledging her ability to distract and communicate.
• They establish a weekly “sewing club” as their resistance network.
Act 2:
New plan: Margot to use Marie-Claude’s coding to make rag dolls that physically send a message to resistance workers taking Jewish children over the Alps to safety. (codes in stitch and ribbon length and color, pleats in dolls clothes).
• Marie-Claude struggles to teach Margot coding, revealing both women’s vulnerabilities.
• Dialogue that challenges preconceived notions about age, religion, and capability.
Plan in action: Lise uses her toy shop to pass rag dolls on to resistance workers transporting Jewish children to safety.
• Scenes showing Margot’s gradual transformation from self-doubt to confidence
• Lise learns to use her talkative nature as a strategic tool of resistance Explicit moment showing how their differences become their strength
Midpoint Turning Point: Klaus, Helene’s son and Nazi officer, suspects his mother is part of the resistance.
• Klaus (Helene’s son) discovers their activities
• Introduction of moral complexity – showing Klaus’s internal conflict
• Surveillance begins of resistance network, increasing tension
• Private moment showing Klaus wrestling with duty and family loyalty
• Hint at the potential for personal transformation
Act 3:
Rethink everything: With suspicion increasing and a spy introduced by Klaus to the women’s “sewing club” a new method of communicating is needed.

New plan: Utilize priests to transmit messages for coding during “confession.”
• More detailed scenes of message transmission through dolls
• Highlight how each woman’s unique skill becomes crucial
• Scenes showing unexpected courage and capability
• Quiet moment of prayer or reflection showing internal transformation
• Characters drawing strength beyond their perceived limitations
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Lise betrays the resistance. Nazi’s raid the shop, Helene is imprisoned and Marie-Claude shot to death.
• Betrayal by Lise sparks raid on toy shop
• Tension rises as the women must navigate increasing danger
• Moments of spiritual reflection and mutual support
Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Margot taken in for questioning and able to deceive Nazi’s.
Resolution: Margot sets up her own resistance network and trains others.
7. How are the “Old Ways” Challenged?
What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?
A. Challenge through Questioning: Passive acceptance of Nazi oppression challenged by Helene’s questioning.

B. Challenge by Counterexample: Assuming that an elderly person can’t do effective work – challenged by Helene and Marie-Claude’s resistance work.

C. Challenge by “Should Work, But Doesn’t: Margot believes that her lifetime of discretion and careful behavior will protect her from Nazi abuse. Her granddaughter is killed by the Nazi’s and she realizes the only way to save other children is by active resistance.

D. Challenge through Living Metaphor: The intentionally loose button on the rag dolls becomes a living metaphor for adaptability and resistance, representing how small, seemingly insignificant actions can disrupt larger systems of oppression.
8. How are You Presenting Insights through Profound Moments?
A. Action delivers insight: Ordinary people can be extraordinary heroes – Lise transforms her weakness of talking too much into a strategic strength by distracting a Nazi and saving a child’s life.
B. Conflict delivers insight: Resistance is an act of deeply personal moral courage – Margot rips off a button from a rag doll as a silent act of defiance showing resistance isn’t always about grand gestures, but about making principled choices in moments of extreme pressure.
C. Irony delivers insight: The resistance women come from different religious backgrounds but unite against a common enemy (what divided them is used for unified resistance.
9. What are the Most Profound Lines of the Movie?
Pattern A: Height of the Emotion: Helene’s confrontation with her son, “My son, I would rather be bound by truth than freed by your lies. Some chains are chosen, some freedoms earned through sacrifice.”
Pattern B: Build Meaning Over Multiple Scenes: ”For such a time as this”, represents a call to the resistance, Lise using her chattiness as a weapon, Marie-Claude’s academic brilliance into a resistance strategy, Helene’s maternal instinct into a revolutionary act.
10. How Do You Leave Us With A Profound Ending?
A. Deliver The Profound Truth Profoundly: Margot has changed into an active resistance worker, using the talents God gave her.
B. Lead Characters Ending Represents The Change: Margot has changed from a weak, passive grandmother into a strong, confident, creative resistance worker.
C. Payoff Key Setups:
1. The student becomes the teacher
2. The loss of a child becomes the saving of many
3. The fear to enter a network becomes the establishment of a new one
D. Surprising, But Inevitable: Surprised to see that Marie-Claude lives after we thought we saw her killed, and still involved in the network. Surprised to see the fearful Margot blatantly involved in resistance work.
E. Leave Us with a Profound Parting Image/Line: Margot tells her student, “for such a time as this” as she trains her in resistance work.

[Margaret]

Margaret Builds Meaning with Dialogue

What I learned: I had already planned to use three Bible verses in my screenplay, but didn’t realize the importance of building an arc for each line.

Three lines are all Biblical references: “For such a time as this”, “I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.”, and “Obey God rather than man.”

Arc, Use, and Meaning for each line:

I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me:

Arc= Women deemed powerless by the Nazi regime become a practical act of defiance.
Use/Meaning=
1. During a moment of frustration with Margot’s coding difficulties (human capacity to transcend apparent limitations)
2. When feeling overwhelmed by the resistance’s challenges – Nazi’s wanting doll (Margot’s courage to rip button off of doll before handing it over)
3. As a quiet, personal mantra during moments of extreme danger during Nazi raid(declaration that inner resolve can overcome external challenges)

For such a time as this:

Arc:Women who feel they are too old to resist step up and become unlikely heroes
Uses/Meaning:
• First scene – Margot joins resistance (Margot’s hesitation into commitment)
• Scene where Lise saves Suzanne with her chatter (Lise’s chattiness into a weapon)
• Marie-Claude’s develops coding (academic brilliance into a resistance strategy)

Obey God rather than man:
Arc:It transforms their resistance from a mere political act to a profound moral and spiritual calling.
Uses/Meaning:
• Margot: Deciding to break the law to join the resistance (Overcoming her fear of active resistance to obey God)
• Helene: Spying on her son for Resistance intelligence (Risking her relationship with her son for the greater good)
• Marie-Claude: Devising a code for sending spy messages (Using her intellect as a form of spiritual rebellion – from benign math teacher to active resistance worker.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Height of Emotion

What I learned: A.I. is an effective partner for discovering emotional moments

5 Most emotional moments:
1. Margot’s Moral Transformation Scene Emotion: Existential Courage Meaning: Overcoming personal fear to protect innocent lives Powerful Line: “Every stitch I sew is a prayer, every doll a promise that hope survives even when darkness threatens to consume us.”
This scene captures Margot’s internal journey from passive hesitation to active resistance, representing how ordinary individuals can find extraordinary courage when confronted with moral imperative.
2. Helene’s Confrontation with Klaus Emotion: Defiant Integrity Meaning: Choosing principle over personal safety Powerful Line: “My son, I would rather be bound by truth than freed by your lies. Some chains are chosen, some freedoms earned through sacrifice.”
This moment epitomizes the profound conflict between familial love and moral conviction, showing how personal relationships can be challenged by larger systemic evils.
3. Marie-Claude’s Dementia Performance Emotion: Subversive Resilience Meaning: Transforming perceived weakness into strategic strength Powerful Line: “Intelligence is not just what you know, but how creatively you can protect what you love. My seeming fragility is my most cunning weapon.”
This scene illustrates how marginalized individuals can use societal underestimation as a form of resistance.
4. Lise’s Moment of Potential Betrayal Emotion: Complex Survival Meaning: Navigating moral ambiguity under extreme pressure Powerful Line: “Survival is not about being perfect. It’s about being strategic. Every word I speak is a thread in a larger tapestry of resistance.”
This moment reveals the nuanced choices people make when confronted with impossible circumstances, showing that survival often requires moral complexity.
5. The Final Rag Doll Shop Scene Emotion: Persistent Hope Meaning: Continued resistance through creativity and community Powerful Line: “They tried to silence us with fear, but we answer with beauty. Each stitch is a revolution, each thread a testament that love outlasts hatred.”
This concluding scene symbolizes how resistance is a continuous, creative act of hope – transforming trauma into resilience.

[Margaret]

Margaret Delivers Irony!

What I learned: I created a prompt I can use A.I. to discover opportunities for irony in my script.

Irony in my Script:

1. Irony of Deception as Protection
• Opposite Experience: The Nazi’s belief in order and control vs. the chaos of resistance
• Ironic Twist: Lise, known for talking too much, becomes the most effective spy precisely because of her ability to chatter and distract
• Insight: Sometimes our perceived weakness can be our greatest strength
• Example: When the Nazi officer comes to inspect the doll, Lise’s endless talking saves Suzanne, turning her talkative nature from a potential liability into a crucial survival skill

2. Irony of Identity and Sacrifice
• Opposite Experience: Margot’s initial reluctance vs. her eventual commitment to the resistance
• Ironic Twist: She begins by feeling too old and incapable, but becomes a critical link in saving Jewish children
• Insight: Purpose often finds us when we least expect it
• Example: The scene where Margot rips off the button to protect the message, demonstrating her transformation from hesitant grandmother to courageous resistance member

3. Irony of Familial Betrayal
• Opposite Experience: Klaus’s loyalty to the Nazi regime vs. his mother Helene’s resistance work
• Ironic Twist: The son who seeks to expose and arrest resistance members is unknowingly thwarted by the very people he’s trying to catch
• Insight: Family bonds can be more complex than political allegiances
• Example: The scene where Klaus plants a spy in the sewing circle, believing he’s protecting the system, but actually helping the resistance adapt and continue their work

4. Irony of Religious Collaboration
• Opposite Experience: Different religious backgrounds (Catholic and Calvinist) uniting against a common enemy
• Ironic Twist: The very system that often divides people becomes the means of their unified resistance
• Insight: Shared moral courage transcends religious differences
• Example: The use of biblical quotes to justify and encourage their resistance work, showing how faith becomes a unifying force in the face of oppression

5. Irony of the Seemingly Weak Becoming Powerful
• Opposite Experience: Elderly women seen as harmless vs. their critical role in a dangerous resistance network
• Ironic Twist: Those least expected to fight become the most effective agents of change
• Insight: Underestimation can be a powerful tactical advantage
• Example: Marie-Claude’s ability to feign dementia to avoid Nazi detection, while simultaneously being the brilliant mastermind behind the resistance’s communication code

[Margaret]

Margaret Delivers Insights Through Conflict

What I learned: I haven’t used conflict to deliver an insight before – this was a new concept for me, a new tool for my writing box.

Ways I will use Conflict to deliver Insight:

1• Argument Provokes the Truth Conflict: Between Marie-Claude and Margot during the sewing circle Potential Insight: The true meaning of collaboration and mutual respect Scene: Marie-Claude’s academic brilliance clashes with Margot’s practical sewing skills. Their argument reveals that intelligence comes in many forms, and true resistance requires understanding and valuing different strengths.
• Conflict Uncovers a Secret Conflict: Lise’s confrontation with herself about her tendency to talk too much Potential Insight: Personal perceived weaknesses can become unexpected strengths Scene: When Lise fears her chattiness will compromise the resistance, she discovers that her ability to talk endlessly becomes a critical survival skill for distracting Nazis and protecting children.
• Conflict Brings Out True Nature Conflict: Klaus confronting Helene about her resistance activities Potential Insight: Moral courage is defined by actions in moments of extreme pressure Scene: When Klaus threatens Helene, her response (quoting Biblical scripture and refusing to cooperate) reveals her true character – someone willing to risk everything for a higher moral purpose.
• Conflict Uncovers an Emotional Issue Conflict: Margot’s internal struggle with moral compromise Potential Insight: Resistance is not about being fearless, but about acting despite fear Scene: Margot’s discomfort with lying (referencing the Rahab story) reveals her deeper moral dilemma – that sometimes protecting life requires actions that challenge one’s own moral boundaries.
• Dilemma as Conflict – Conflict: Lise’s moment of potential betrayal in the toy shop Potential Insight: Survival is complex, and judgment is easy from the outside Scene: When threatened with torture, Lise appears to betray Helene, but actually maneuvers to protect the resistance network. This conflict reveals the nuanced choices people make under extreme duress.

[Margaret]

Margaret Turns Insights into Action

What I learned: I could use A.I. to brainstorm with me for this assignment. My insights were there in my outline, I just didn’t recognize them, but A.I. did.

New Ways/Insights with potential Actions to express them:

1. Insight: Ordinary people can be extraordinary heroes Action: The scene where Lise, despite believing she “talks too much,” uses her chattering ability to distract a Nazi officer and save Suzanne. Instead of seeing her tendency to talk as a weakness, she transforms it into a strategic strength that directly saves a child’s life.
2. Insight: Resistance is an act of deeply personal moral courage Action: The moment Margot rips off a button from the doll before handing it to the Nazi officer – a small, silent act of defiance that shows how resistance isn’t always about grand gestures, but about making principled choices in moments of extreme pressure.
3. Insight: Compassion transcends religious and cultural boundaries Action: The scene where Helene, a Catholic, works alongside Calvinist women to save Jewish children, demonstrating that humanity and empathy can unite people beyond their traditional differences.
4. Insight: Wisdom and strength can come from unexpected sources Action: Marie-Claude’s moment of brilliant deception, pretending to be a bumbling grandmother with dementia while actually being a mathematical genius who designs complex resistance codes – showing how perceived vulnerability can be a powerful form of resistance.
5. Insight: Hope can be sewn into the smallest of things Action: The recurring motif of the rag dolls themselves – simple objects transformed into lifelines for children, with each stitch representing a potential escape, each button a coded message of survival. The final scene where Margot continues to create dolls in her shop, with resistance messengers coming and going, symbolizes how hope is a continuous, creative act.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Seabiscuit Analysis

What I learned: Since I started taking the profound class, I have been more sensitive to the subtle messages in movies and realizing how they previously mpacted me as the viewer without realizing it.

Profound Moments:

1. After the comment, “They ought to make a better spoke”, the responspe was “then what would you do.” This left the listener thinking and motivated him to change his life and move west. His comment “dream big enough and have the guts to follow it” reflected his attitude.

2. Visual picture of fences on the prairie and a car coming down the lane reflected the culture was changing. Another visual picture, cars filling the stable, also showed the shift. These visual pictures, along with the line, “the future is in the finish line, this is just the start of the race” leaves you feeling that what we consider our stable environment is subject to change.

3. Visual picture of him dropping the rope to give the horse freedom and the horse settled down: Sometimes we constrict others to control behavior when giving them their freedom is what they need.

4. “We never know how high we are until we are called to rise.” “When the little guy doesn’t know he’s a little guy he can do big things.” “He doesn’t know he’s little” “This is the horse that won’t give up – even when life beats you by a nose”: All of this dialogue points to the limitations we put on ourselves and what we consider “less than.” Sometimes we just need to give them the opportunity to rise.

5. In response to, “Why are you fixing him?” – “Every horse is good for something” – This them is repeated with “You don’t throw a whole life away just cause he’s banged up a little.” “This is a theme that is profound – akin to “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.”

6. After his son died, he padlocked the barn with the cars. After buying the horse, which he had previously stated, ” I wouldn’t pay $5 for a horse”, he moved the cars out of the barn and got it ready for the horse. It showed him doing away with past regrets and moving forward.

7. Visual picture of horse bucking and Red fighting along with dialogue, “It ain’t just the speed, it’s the heart. Somehting that won’t run from a fight.” – This along with the visual picture of both Seabiscuit and Red limping yet going forward gives a profound message of the fighter’s heart is what it takes to be a winner.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Living Metaphors

What I learned: Again, this was a new concept for me. In looking at my outline, I realized I naturally used this technique.

5 “Should work, but doesn’t” Scenarios:

1. Margot’s Traditional Passive Resistance: Margot believes her lifetime of discretion and careful behavior will protect her from the Nazi abuse. She tries to use her old method of staying quiet and blending in, but this approach fails when more active resistance is needed to save children’s lives.
2. Lise’s Chatty Nature: Lise has always used her gift of gab to charm and distract people, which worked in her toy shop. However, when dealing with Nazi officers, her usual talkative strategy nearly exposes the resistance network, showing her old communication style is now dangerous.
3. Marie-Claude’s Academic Brilliance: Marie-Claude’s mathematical genius has always served her well in academic settings. But when trying to teach the resistance code to Margot, her scholarly approach fails because she cannot break down complex ideas into simple, actionable instructions.
4. Helene’s Maternal Protection: Helene has always protected her son Klaus by being a dutiful mother. Her traditional maternal strategies of subtle guidance and love no longer work as Klaus becomes increasingly suspicious and loyal to the Nazi regime.
5. The Resistance’s Initial Communication Methods: The resistance’s previous communication network worked smoothly before the university raid. Now, with increased surveillance and suspicion, their old methods of passing messages become critically vulnerable, forcing them to innovate.

5 Living Metaphors:

1. The Loose Button: The intentionally loose button on the rag dolls becomes a living metaphor for adaptability and resistance. It represents how small, seemingly insignificant actions can disrupt larger systems of oppression. When a button is deliberately left loose, it symbolizes the ability to change plans and survive under extreme pressure.
2. Rag Dolls as Carriers of Hope: The rag dolls themselves are a living metaphor for resilience. Just as these dolls are made from discarded, fragmented pieces of fabric sewn together with care, the resistance women are piecing together a network of survival, transforming seemingly powerless individuals into agents of change.
3. The Sewing Circle: The weekly “sewing circle” is a living metaphor for subversive community building. What appears to be a traditional, harmless gathering of older women is actually a strategic resistance meeting. It challenges the perception of elderly women as passive and represents how marginalized groups can create powerful networks of resistance.
4. Marie-Claude’s Dementia Performance: Her act of feigning dementia when Nazis are present is a living metaphor for survival through performance and disguise. It represents how oppressed people must sometimes hide their true capabilities to protect themselves and others, turning perceived weakness into a form of strength.
5. The Toy Shop as a Resistance Hub: Lise’s toy shop becomes a living metaphor for transformation of space and purpose. A place traditionally associated with childhood innocence and play becomes a critical infrastructure for saving lives, symbolizing how ordinary spaces can be repurposed for extraordinary resistance.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Counterexamples

What I learned: This concept was new to me. Putting in Counterexamples as part of planning the profound message is a great tool!

COUNTER EXAMPLES OF OLD WAYS

Old Way: Margot assumes she is of little worth because she is elderly
Counterexamples:
Dialogue:
• Comment about Margot’s ability as a seamstress to create beauty that endures even in tragedy.
• Bible verse quoted, “For such a time as this.” (Ester 4:14)
• Bible verse quoted, “I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:13)
• When Margot successfully sews her first rag doll with hidden code, Marie-Claude validates Margot’s unique skill: “Your old hands are skilled. They know things your mind hasn’t yet realized.”

Experience: Margo is able to correctly code a rag doll and a child is saved (Suzanne)
Character: Marie-Claude develops a code for the rag dolls.
Old Way: Lise assumes she cannot be a spy because she can’t keep a secret and is too talkative.
Counterexamples:
Dialogue: Comment by Helene that gift of gab is a treasured skill for a spy. “If you can talk an ear off a Nazi he will run to escape you.”

Experience:
• Lise is able to divert a Nazi’s attention from inspecting a coded rag doll.
• Lise is able to navigate sewing circle spy’s questions with her gift of gab.

Character:
• Marie-Claude was able to escape round-up by feigning dementia and talking nonsense to Nazi’s.
• Helene lies to son about her resistance activities.

Old Way: Margot and Lise’s fear and passive resistance to the Nazi occupation.
Counterexamples:
Dialogue: Comment by Helene that grandmothers are needed for active resistance.
Experience:
• Margot learns coding and designs rag dolls.
• Lise utilizes her toy shop for active resistance.
Character: Helene and Marie-Claude are active resistance workers.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Old Ways Challenge Chart

What I learned: Not only do i need to understand my character’s “Old Ways”, I need to build in challenges for these ways so that gradient change can occur.

Margot Old Ways: 1) Too old to make a difference. 2) Cannot be a Christian and a spy.
Challenge: 1) Verse, “For such a time as this” – age is not a barrier, timing is what counts. 2) Nazi inspection of her goods requires deception. 3) Story of Rahab – used deception to protect the spies. 4) Spy in midst required deception. 5) Required to learn a new skill (coding) to be effective.

Lise Old Ways: Incapable of keeping important secrets.
Challenge: Resistance requires a person with a talkative nature and strategic communication (Nazi inspection of goods and questioning about code.)

Helene Old Ways: Son will protect from arrest.
Challenge: Son threatens her with arrest. Arrest becomes a moral stand for Helene.

Marie Old Ways: Can’t be myself (brilliant mathematician) and survive.
Challenge: 1) Required to stand up to Nazi’s. 2) Must teach Margot coding.

Old Ways: Culture required fear and passive acceptance of Nazi occupation.
Challenge: Network of resistance requiring committment

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Analysis of 12 Angry Men

What I learned: Old ways need to be challenged to effect change

Old Ways/Challenge:

Old Way: Prosecution proved Guilt. Challenge: “People make mistakes”, “It’s not an exact science”, “Concidences are possible”, look-a-like switchblade, noise from train refutes testimony, prosecutor did not did deep; knife angle wrong for switchblade,
Old Way: Guilty because of who he is/culture:. Challenge: Juror from same culture, background doesn’t count, “prejudice obscures the truth”, son’s influence on juror’s beliefs.
Old Way: There for the entertainment value. Challenge: Jurors won’t listen to stories, game broke up
Old Way: Need to get over quick. Challenge: People taking time to sit, bathroom breaks, juror opposed to claiming guilt without talking about it, side arguments, juror wanting to see exhibits, juror wanting to play act the scene
Old Way: Defense Lawyer did his job. Challenge: “Lawyers can be stupid”, “He let to many little things go by.”

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Profound Ending

What I learned from doing this assignment: My envisioned ending did not have a profound impact. I needed to rework it for setup/payoffs and a lasting image.

1. What is your Profound Truth and how will it be delivered powerfully in your ending?
Title: Rag Dolls

1. Profound Truth: God created each of us for a specific purpose, to carry his message.

2. How do your lead characters (Change Agent and Transformable Characters) come to an end in a way that represents the completed change?

Transformable Character is Margot, a fearful woman who lost a granddaughter at the hand of the Nazi’s. She transforms into a bold and courageous resistance worker, even in the face of death. The Change Agent is Helene, living a posh life in the home of her son, a Nazi officer. She became an active spy for the resistance and bravely faced arrest when she betrayed her own Nazi son.

3. What are the setup/payoffs that complete in the end of this movie, giving it deep meaning?
Set Up/Payoff: Set up is Margot’s use of a rag doll to send a message of comfort to a child, it pays off as she makes rag dolls to send intelligence to assist the smuggling operation of children from Lyon, France through the alps to Switzerland.

4. How are you designing it to have us see an inevitable ending and then making it surprising when it happens?
We think that the spy network has been destroyed, only to find that Margot has stepped up and recreated the network, opening a Rag Dolls mending shop. She then mends clothes for the messengers and they personally carry the message through patterns in the sewing/stitching.

5. What is the Parting Image/Line that leaves us with the Profound Truth in our minds?
A resistance worker walks away from the “Rag Dolls” shop with his mended uniform stitched in a way to carry a message. The profound truth is that we each are designed for God’s purpose, to carry His message.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Connection with Audience

What I learned: To plan ways to connect with the audience before you write the script.

Characters I will INTENTIONALLY create a connection with the audience:

TA – Margot Dufour
Relatability: During the opening scene, Margot struggles to meet a deadline. She also refuses to accept a task that is imposed on her because it is risky adventure.
Intrigue: We wonder at the opening why there is such a rush to make a rag doll. We see her place the rag doll in the arms of deceased girl, making us wonder what happened and what the connection is.
Empathy: Margot grieves for the deceased girl. She has lost family to the Nazi’s which makes us feel sorry for her.
Likability: Margo is a master seamstress and everyone is impressed by the rag dolls she makes.

CA – Helene Schmidt
Relatability: Helene eavesdrops on a conversation her son is having. She loathes the life choice made by her son.
Intrigue: Why is she listening in on her son’s conversation? Why does she write down what he says?
Empathy: She is conflicted with a Nazi son who she cares for but loathes his allegiance to the Nazi’s.
Likability: She is capable, efficient at planning.

Support Character – Marie-Claude Benoit
Relatability: She fears the intrusion into her workplace. She pretends not to understand to protect herself.
Intrigue: How can she develop a code that could be transmitted by a doll?
Empathy: She is being forced to retire because of her age.
Likability: She is a grandmother-type character and her dementia-type actions remind us grandmothers we know with dementia.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Transformational Structure for RAG DOLLS
What I learned: How to incorporate the emotional gradient into the 4-Act structure to ensure the profound message is evident.
Transformational Logline: A grieving, fearful grandmother, oppressed by Nazi’s, joins the resistance and courageously relays messages through her rag dolls.
Concept: After losing family to Nazi cruelty, a network of European grandmothers band together to smuggle intelligence during WWII through coded stitching patterns in rag dolls.
Major Conflict: Four grandmothers use rag dolls to transmit sensitive intelligence to the resistance while attempting to avoid Nazi detection.
Transformational character: Margot Dufour.
Old ways for Margot Dufour:
Timid
Fearful
Perfectionist
Dislikes Change/Risk
New Ways for Margot Dufour:
Courageous
Risk-Taker
Able to act without a perfect plan in place
External Journey for Margot Dufour: From grieving grandmother to resistance fighter
Internal Journey for Margot Dufour: From grieving and fearful to bold and courageous
Profound Truth: God created each of us for a specific purpose.
Change I want the audience to make: Find their calling and step out to fulfill it.
Entertainment Vehicle: A World: World War II, Resistance in Lyons, Religion
FOUR-ACT STRUCTURE
Act 1:
Opening
Margot, an accomplished seamstress, hurries to finish a rag doll to place in the arms of her murdered granddaughter at her funeral. The rag doll is noticed by Lise, a gregarious elderly woman, who invites the grieving Margot to her toy shop.
Nazi’s swarm the university, arresting professors. They leave behind an elderly math professor, Marie-Claude Benoit, who feigns dementia to avoid the round-up.
Helene, a German mother of a Nazi officer, overhears a plan for a roundup of Jewish children at their school in two weeks.
At the toy shop, Helene, expresses interest in the rag dolls and invites Margot and Lise to her sewing club.
Inciting Incident
At Helene’s parlor, the home of a Nazi officer, the three grandmothers, Margo, Lise, and the brilliant Marie-Claude meet. Helene realizes each of the women have had a painful experience and have held on to their own Christian faith to deal with their grief. (One a Catholic, one a Lutheran, one a French Calvinist.
Helene shares her desire to establish a resistance network through Lise’s toy shop, transmitting messages through rag dolls, using a code developed by Marie-Claude. Margot states she is too old, doesn’t feel capable, and has no desire to be involved in clandestine activities. Lise reveals she has never been able to keep a secret.
Helene shares verse Esther 4:14, “For such a time as this” to encourage the women to join her in the resistance. Helene provides the intel on the proposed round-up of children in two weeks and tells them they must act fast to prevent the tragedy.
Turning Point
The women agree to set up a resistance network, quoting Psalm 91 for protection and Isaiah 6:8 “Here I am, send me.” The weekly “sewing club” at the Nazi home will be used to coordinate their efforts.
Act 2:
New plan
Marie-Claude revels in her success to develops a code system that can be used in the design of the rag dolls to transmit messages. Lise establishes toy shop as a distribution center.
Marie-Claude struggles to teach Margot how to code the dolls because she does not understand the elements of sewing needed to make the dolls and her brilliance keeps her from being able to transmit the “to do’s” in simple terms for Margot to understand.
Marie-Claude reveals Margot’s difficulty in learning the code and Helene laments choosing her as the master seamstress.
Helene sends Margot a message with flowers, “For such a time as this” to encourage her.
Margot struggles to design the code naturally into the design of the rag doll and to finish in time.
Plan in action
The messenger comes to the toy shop asking for a doll from the “master seamstress.” Lise realizes she doesn’t have the doll yet and almost blows the operation with Nazi’s listening to the exchange. She tells the messenger to come back in the afternoon. He tells her he will buy the present for his daughter’s birthday at another shop.
Alone, Lise wonders if the plan will work and expresses anger at the delay of the dolls.
Another messenger comes in the afternoon, and Lise sells the rag doll successfully with the coded message to another resistance fighter who asks for the “master seamstress’” work. During the transfer of the message, Nazi’s fill the shop and Margot struggles to lie to a Nazi officer.
The raid on the school is successfully thwarted.
The women meet at the sewing circle, rejoicing in their success and plan next steps. The women comfort Margot’s moral courage/internal conflict with lying by sharing Rahab’s story (lies to protect the spies).
Midpoint Turning Point
Helene’s son realizes that his mother may be involved in thwarting the raid by sharing intelligence and provides her with false intel to test his theory.
Helene’s son, Nikolaus “Klaus”, introduces himself to the “sewing circle” and secretly places each of the women on surveillance. He inserts an elderly spy into the sewing circle to spy on the grandmothers.
Marie-Claude acts like the bumbling grandmother while the spy is present to prevent discovery of her abilities.
Helene realizes her son suspects the group.
Act 3:
Rethink Everything:
The women meet at the toy shop, quietly revealing their distress at the identified surveillance, wondering if they overstepped God’s will.
The women share Acts 5:29, “Obey God rather than men.” Helene states that they are safe, her son will not do anything to expose her. They agree to continue, keeping the sewing circle for sewing alone.
New plan
Helene expands their network using a catholic priest during confession, convincing him with I Corinthians 12:12-27, “Many parts, one body.” Helene provides the information to the priest, then the priest transmits to Marie-Claude.
Marie-Claude transmits to Margot at the toy shop when she drops off rag dolls for sale while displaying dementia to Nazi’s in the shop.
Lise handles the sale and transmission of the doll to a messenger using the code word, “master seamstress.” A Nazi wants the particular coded doll and she has to give him something better for the same price to placate him, loathing that she has to benefit a Nazi.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Helene’s involvement is confirmed when fake message from Klaus is transmitted. The toy shop is raided. The Nazi’s are unable to determine how the messages are relayed, but threats of torture lead Lise to betray Helene. Feigning ignorance, she does not reveal how the messages are relayed but agree to have the Nazi’s wait in her shop for Helene with the promise of future help to the Nazi’s if they would promise her safety.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Helene arrives at the toy shop as Margot is drops off rag dolls. Klaus confronts Helene, demanding to know how messages are transmitted. Helene quotes Daniel 3:16-18, “Whether God saves or not…” refusing to co-operate. She has chest pain, but her son shows no compassion in front of his comrades.
Margot witnesses the interrogation, and in her stress pees the floor. She lies to the Nazi officer, lying that it happens all too often with age, asking Lise for an old rag to clean it up. Lise tells her to just leave, she will clean it up, giving her the opportunity to flee and transmitting the message that Margot has not been exposed.
Marie-Claude enters as Klaus arrests his mother. She attempts to use her dementia façade to placate him but is unsuccessful. Her anger erupts and she reveals she is the way the information is transmitted, not revealing the code. She goads Klaus into killing her to avoid giving more information, revealing he missed her the first time around.
Resolution
Margot repeats Job 13:15, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him”, and Matthew 16:25 “Lose life to save it” to herself to bolster her courage. She vows to fulfill the purpose God has created her for and hangs a sign outside announcing her mending services.
Margot places a rag doll into Marie-Claude’s arms at her funeral. A previous messenger stops by the casket and observes the doll with its coded message. On her way out of the church, the priest asks her if she is the master seamstress that has set up a new mending shop. She tells him the address and states he will be by with some mending that needs to be done.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Three Gradients

What I learned: The use of the Gradients has helped me focus and develop the story. The tool is so useful I not only used it for the lead character but the Change Agent, Betrayer, and Supporting Character as well.

The Emotional Gradient Used: The “Desired” Change

Emotional Gradient for Margot Dufour
Excitement: Margot meets Helene and is recruited as a spy.
C=Taking risks
W=Ignorance of spy duties

Doubt: Margo struggles to learn complex instructions for designing dolls to relay a message.
C=Creativity needed to incorporate design elements so they look natural.
W=Margot is a perfectionist and time is limited.

Hope: First doll is delivered successfully and a large raid is thwarted.
C=Margot must lie to Nazi officers
W=Margot’s definition of moral courage doesn’t include lying. (Changed with Rahab story)

Discouragement: Spy is sewing circle. Nazi’s raid the toy shop. Helene imprisoned, Marie-Claude is shot.
C=Nazi’s search for the Margot, the doll-maker
W=Fear of dying

Courage: Margot must decide to stay and save network or flee.
C=Brought in for questioning.
W=Remain strong in the face of death.

Triumph: Margot opens a business mending. Uses mended shirts to transmit messages.
C=Under scrutiny by Nazi’s
TRANSFORMED INTO A COURAGEOUS SPY

Emotional Gradient for Helene Schmidt
Excitement: Helene finds a vehicle for transporting messages (rag dolls).
C=Create a spy network.
W=Guilt -using her Nazi son to gather information.

Doubt: Helene worries she chose rashly, selecting a seamstress who can’t learn the codes.
C=Meet deadline for message to be sent.
W= Uses emotional manipulation to gain control.

Hope: Message Received and large raid thwarted.
C= Calming team as Nazi’s fill the toy shop during transfer of the message (rag doll)
W= Over confident.

Discouragement: Nazi’s becomes aware that the toy shop is being used to transfer messages.
C=Keep her son finding out the truth about her involvement.
W=Trusts her son’s love for her will cover her betrayal of the Nazi’s

Courage: Stands up to the Nazi’s and does not betray Marie-Claude or Margot
C= Nazi interrogation
W= Age – chest pains with Nazi abuse

Triumph/Defeat: Imprisonment
C= Nazi’s arrest her for espionage

TRANSFORMED INTO A WOMAN OF ACTION – NOT JUST ONE WHO FEELS GUILTY ABOUT HER COUNTRY’S SUPPORT OF THE NAZI REGIME

Emotional Gradient for Marie-Claude Benoit
Excitement: Finds a code that can be used to transmit messages to the resistance.
C= Teaching code to Margot, translating it into sewing requirements
W= Is not creative, does not sew.

Doubt: Difficulty with teaching Margot how to use code.
C= Must translate code to unfamiliar sewing terms.
W= Her brilliance.

Hope: Message delivered, major raid avoided.
C= Getting code translation to appropriate hands without getting caught.
W= Need to cover her brilliance (acts like a forgetful, bumbling grandmother).

Discouragement: Nazi’s discover network hub.
C= To keep her control while Helene is interrogated/arrested.
W= Pride.

Courage: Stands up to Nazi’s.
C= To keep from being killed.
W= Survivor guilt from avoiding last raid at the school.

Triumph/Defeat: Killed by the Nazi’s
C= Nazi abuse.

TRANSFORMED INTO A COURAGEOUS WOMAN WHO REFUSES TO USE SUBTERFUGE TO AVOID NAZI WRATH AND SAVE THE NETWORK FROM A WOMAN WHO ESCAPED FIRST RAID PRETENDING SENILITY.

Emotional Gradient for Elisabeth “Lise” Weber
Excitement: Use of Toy Shop as Resistance Network Hub as Revenge for Husband’s torture/death.
C= Set up contacts without discovery.
W= Gregarious nature, not a secret keeper.

Doubt: After setting up network, delivery of the dolls is delayed.
C= Getting the rag dolls in time for delivery to the messenger.
W= Grief over husband makes her impatient for the realization of the revenge.

Hope: Message delivered, major raid thwarted.
C= Getting dolls into right hands with Nazi wanting the specific doll for messenger.
W= Hate of Nazi’s (needs to benefit them for plan to succeed).

Discouragement: Nazi’s realize that Toy Shop is a Network Hub.
C= Nazi interrogation.
W= Fear of Torture.

Betrayal: Turns Helene in to keep from being tortured.
C= Must benefit the Nazi agenda to save herself.
W= Lack of courage.

Triumph/Defeat: Network Hub disrupted.
C= Dealing with Nazi’s.

TRANSFORMED INTO A CHAMPION FOR THE RESISTANCE TO A BETRAYER OF THE CAUSE BECAUSE OF HER FEAR OF TORTURE.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Lead Characters

What I learned: To incorporate a betraying character. New to me!

Transformational Journey Logline: A fearful grandmother, oppressed by the Nazi’s, joins the resistance and courageously relays messages through her rag dolls.

Change Agent: Helene Schmidt, a German born grandmother with impeccable German credentials and social connections. Her own son is a Nazi officer. She has passed secrets on to the resistance that she learns from overhearing her son or through her social connections. Her vision is to prove that being German doesn’t mean being Nazi, and that she wants to destroy the influence the Nazi’s have over her country and her son. Her successful role in transmitting secrets to the resistance and her societal connections set her up for success.

Transformable Characters: Margot Dufour – Seamstress who is recruited by Helene for her skill. She is fearful to take a risk but courageously accepts the role. Marie-Claude Benoit: Former Mathematics Professor & Code Creator. She is Brilliant but humble, and will appear absent-minded to protect herself from suspicion. She drops the facade of the bumbling grandmother in an act of defiance, leading to her death by the Nazi’s.

The Oppression: The Nazi regime in Lyon, France.

Betraying Character: Elisabeth “Lise” Weber – A widowed Toy Shop Owner. Her husband was tortured by the Nazi’s. She helps the resistance as revenge but then betrays the group because of her fear of torture. She is charismatic and charming and uses her grandmotherly warmth to cover her grief.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Transformational Journey

Logline: A fearful grandmother, oppressed by the Nazi’s, joins the resistance and courageously relays messages through her rag dolls.

Old ways:
Timid
Fearful
Perfectionist
Dislikes Change/Risk

New Ways:

Courageous
Risk-Taker
Able to act without a perfect plan in place

[Margaret]

Margaret is a Proofreading Star!

My vision: To write profound faith-based scripts that are produced.

What I learned: How to be concise with my descriptions and cut unnecessary words.

This made a world of difference in my script which went from 112 pages to 106. I read it out loud and realized some of the dialogue wasn’t natural and I had many unnecessary descriptions.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s First 3 Descions
What I learned: If you want to write a profound story, you must first know what your profound truth is – what are you trying to say?

First 3 Decisions:

Profound Truth: God created each of us for a specific purpose
Change I want the audience to make: Find their calling and step out to fulfill it.
Entertainment Vehicle: A World: World War II, Resistance in Lyons, Religion

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Analysis of Groundhog Day
What I learned: The components of the profound model and how to analyze a movie utilizing these components.
1. What is the CHANGE this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?
Phil Connors goes from being a self-absorbed, ego-centric journalist to being able to sincerely ask, “Is there anything I can do for you today?”

2. Lead characters:
o Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change? The change agent is the producer, Andie. She is the right person for the change because he wants to have a relationship with her and he can only accomplish this if he changes.

o Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey? The Transformable Character is Phil Connors, a journalist. He is the right character since he is not only deeply in need of change but he experiences the day over and over, giving him a chance to practice and discover how to change.

o What is the Oppression? The oppression is the experience of the day over and over and Andie’s resistance to his overtures for a relationship.

3. How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story? We see his drive to get ahead and his disdain for what he feels is beneath him, common to many people

4. Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.” Identify their old way: Identify their new way at the conclusion:

Old Ways: Arrogant, Proud, Sarcastic, “Prima Dona”, Egocentric
New Ways: Cares for others, Protects others, Listens to others.

5. What is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?

1. Curiosity – Asks others “What do you want out of life?” “Is this what love is for you?”
2. Starts to Care – “What do you want out of life?” Saves boy falling from tree.
3. Gives up something of himself – Gives $ to beggar, resuscitates homeless man
4. Able to listen and care about others and enjoy life – “Larry, what do you think?”

6. How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?

He went from “I make the weather” to realizing he can’t stop the blizzard, to realizing his egocentric ways don’t get him what he wants (relationship with Andie) to see the success when he becomes caring.

7. What are the most profound moments of the movie?

Giving money to the beggar, resuscitating the homeless man on the street, his confession that he is a jerk.

8. What are the most profound lines of the movie?

“It’s all right – I am a jerk”
“Is there anything I can do for you today?”
“What do you want out of life.”
“Larry, what do you think”
“Is this what love is for?”

9. How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?

At the beginning he despises everything about the small town, feeling it is beneath him, to telling Andie at the end, “Let’s live here.”

10. What is the Profound Truth of this movie?

Life is about us – getting ahead, getting more. Real life is when you give yourself
away, love and care for others.

[Margaret]

Margaret Silebi
I agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Margaret]

1. Name? Margaret Silebi
2. How many scripts you’ve written? Seven
3. What you hope to get out of the class? Learn the Profound Model and revise my current scripts to make them all profound.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I am a ventriloquist.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Wordsmithing!

Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.

What I learned: I use the word “look” a lot!

Changes made:

Look: 52/54
Walk: 4/4
Sits: 8/12
Reaches: 2/5
Turns: 15/19
Goes: 4/4
Enter: 6/14
Just: 5/6
Starts: 2/2
Sees: 5/8
Is: 24/24

Examples:
“Dr. Morgan’s silence is broken by Dawn.” to “Dawn breaks Dr. Morgan’s silence.”
“It is apparent they have all been crying.” to “They all sport red eyes, blotchy faces.”
“Grandma is on her knees, praying.” to Grandma prays on her knees.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned: To use the hooks to write a synopsis for a successful pitch.

Title: Beyond the Shadow
Genre: Drama

Hooks:

What if a dream foretold your future for the next year?

Jacob’s grandmother dreams of a bear that attacks her grandson. When the bear’s shadow falls on him, she and his mother fight until the bear leaves. The bear returns three times, and help from heaven scares the bear away for good.

The dream becomes reality when Jacob is diagnosed with cancer.

Jacob beats the cancer twice and during that time fights to graduate, buy a house, find a girlfriend and proposes. But two days before his wedding, the shadow of the bear returns a third time.

Should he go through with his wedding knowing he has only six months to live?

Jacob trusts God and experiences a miracle from heaven! His cancer completely disappears, to the amazement of the medical team.

Today he lives cancer free, beyond the shadow of the bear.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned: Importance of identifying the most interesting things to create a pitch.

10 most interesting things:

1. Opening: Mystery of why a young man is in an ambulance urgently headed to hospital
2. Emotional dilemma: Would you go through with a wedding if you learned 2 days before that you only had 6 months to live?
3. Emotional dilemma: Would you risk dying to get married?
4. Big surprise – cancer disappeared
5. A dream predicted the health journey of a college student
6. Within six months, a young man with cancer graduates, buys a house, starts a job with Raytheon, finds a girlfriend, marries, all while having a prognosis of 6 months to live.
7. Young man has vision that gives him the courage to live and die.
8. A young woman decides to date and marry a guy with cancer.
9. A physician sees a miracle of healing and turns to God.
10. Young man fights cancer only to have it return 3x in 6 months.

[Margaret]

Margaret has Tested Every Line

What I learned doing this assignment: My descriptions were wordy.

Difference for my script: Went from 112 pages to 107.

Original intro:EXT. CITY STREETS – PHOENIX – DAY
The sweltering sun casts a harsh glare over the bustling city streets. An ambulance streaks by, its lights and sirens a frantic blur of urgency.
INT. AMBULANCE – SAME TIME
Inside the ambulance, the steady beeping of the heart monitor cuts through the suffocating silence. JACOB (20), a college senior with tousled hair, lays motionless on the gurney, eyes closed. He is calm despite reasons to be desperate, his serenity betrayed by the lone tear escaping down his face.
EXT. GRANDPARENT’S HOUSE – DAY
The family, JOHN (46), EMILY (38), Jacob, and ELI (13), creep along the front of the Christmas decorated house.
Jacob trips, bumps into his mother. Emily grabs ahold of her husband, John, to keep herself from falling. She turns, makes a pout face at Jacob.
John waves his family to keep their heads low, under the windows, puts a finger to his lips to silence their giggles.
As the family reaches the front door, John reaches for the doorknob, gently turns it, opens the door.

Revised IntroEXT. CITY STREETS – PHOENIX – DAY
An ambulance streaks by, sirens, lights a frantic blur.
INT. AMBULANCE – SAME TIME
Steady beeping of the heart monitor cuts the silence. JACOB (20), a focused college senior, lays motionless on the gurney. Calm despite reasons to be desperate, his serenity betrayed by a lone tear.
EXT. GRANDPARENT’S HOUSE – DAY
The family, JOHN (46), EMILY (38), Jacob, and ELI (13), creep along the front of the Christmas decorated house.
Jacob trips, bumps into his mother, Emily, a woman full of motherly love. She stumbles, turns, shoots Jacob a pout face.
Jacob’s father, John, a no-nonsense, God-fearing man, waves his family to keep their heads low, puts a finger to his lips to silence their giggles.
John quietly opens the front door.

[Margaret]

Margaret meets Producer/Manager

What I learned today: What producers/managers need.

How I will present myself and my project to the producer?

-I have a marketable project that is well-written, great title, timely, based on a true story, wide audience appeal, great role for a male lead.
-The screenplay fits their market of faith-based and is based on a true story
-The screenplay is low budget, and has a great role for a lead actor.

How I will present myself and my project to a manager?

-I have a new marketable screenplay: Well written, Low budget, Great title, timely, based on a true story, wide audience appeal, great role for male lead
-I have 5 other marketable screenplays
-Two producers have told me that I “take notes well”
-I have the time and passion to complete writing assignments

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Marketable Components

What I learned doing this assignment: Identified the marketable components of my script.

Unique: N/A
Great Title: Beyond the Shadow
True: Based on a true story
Timely: With the increase of cancer rates in children/young adults, this makes the story timely.
It’s a first: N/A
Ultimate: N/A
Wide Audience appeal: Heart warming, uplifting drama. Appeal for anyone going through a difficult medical journey.
Adapted from a popular book: N/A
Similar to Box-Office Successes: N/A
Great Roles for Bankable Actors: Jacob- Persistent, struggles with cancer, perseveres under duress.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Project and Market

What I learned today is:

Genre: Drama

Title: Beyond the Shadow

Concept:True story of a college senior who faces a terminal illness and finds the courage through faith in God to live fully despite his illness.

What is most attractive about my story besides it is the true account of a miracle, is that it focuses on trusting God and living life fully, despite the circumstances.

I want to target Managers first, since I am ready for a manager with six scripts now ready for market.

[Margaret]

Margaret writes Amazing Dialogue

My vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.

What I learned: Something always get missed. Seems like I’ve read every line 50 times, but I am still finding better ways to write dialogue.

I changed 14 lines of dialogue.

[Margaret]

Margaret has incredible monologues!

Vision: To write profound faith-based scripts that are produced.

What I learned: The six elements that need to be incorporated into monologues.

Monologues:

In this scene, Jacob, the lead character, has just found out he has cancer.

Alone in his room, Jacob studies the pumps, tubes, and wires he is connected to. He pulls his bed cover up to hide as many as he can.
He swallows against the lump in his throat, looks up to the ceiling, prays.
JACOB
God, you’re here with me, right? I mean, I haven’t been close to you for a while and I’m sorry for that, but, you’re still with me, right? Because I really need to hear You right now. I mean, what is happening with me? I don’t get why… Are you mad with me? Am I going to die? I can do better, I WILL do better.
Jacob closes his eyes, breathes deeply, then opens his eyes, resumes his prayer.
JACOB
Could you just please tell me why? Is there some purpose to this?
Jacob looks around the room as if searching for an answer. His eyes fill with fear of a new knowledge.
JACOB
To teach me some things?
He hesitates to frame his next question.
JACOB
Am I going to die?
He holds his breath, waiting, then sighs with relief.
JACOB
I’m going to be OK, but it will be a long time? Am I hearing You right? I’m not going to die?
Certain he has heard God’s voice, he smiles through his tears and turns over to sleep.
JACOB
Now I remember why I gave my life to follow You. You love me. I know you do. I still feel afraid, but not alone. Could you help me trust You? Let me know that you have me in Your hands? Thank you. Thank you, God.

Monologue for Grandma, after being informed they are no more treatments available for her grandson and he has only six months left to live.
EXT. PARK – DAY
Seated at a bench with Bible in hand, Grandma prays for Jacob’s healing.
GRANDMA
I know what the doctor said, but today I am reminded of the dream you gave me. The baby and the bear. It was for this time, wasn’t it? The shadow of cancer is over my grandchild for the third time. The bear would devour him! Oh, God, I ask for help from heaven. Drive the bear away! There is nothing more his physicians can do. Nothing more Jacob can do. Nothing more his mother, father, or I can do. Our only hope is in you. O God, have mercy! Heal him from this cancer, for you have said that Your mercy is great. You have the power and strength. You can do the impossible! Hear my prayer, Lord! In Jesus name, I ask.
Grandma looks up, wipes her tears, hugs her Bible.

[Margaret]

Margaret is great at Subtext Pointers!

Vision: To write profound faith-based scripts that are produced.

What I learned: Types of subtext pointers to allow the audience to experience a deeper meaning.

Five Subtext Pointers:

1. Implication: (in reference to showing up for dinner)
Old – I hope he doesn’t mind four more.
New – Didn’t he just buy a huge dining room table?

2. Metaphor: (in reference to trusting strangers)
Old – Heh, it’s cool not be scared of new stuff, but you might want to hold off on trusting strangers –
New:
JACOB
You got a pet, right?
JOBY
Fluffy. She’s a rabbit.
JACOB
Think it would be O.K. to just pick her up and take her to my house?
JOBY
She doesn’t belong at your house! She’s ours.
JACOB
Not sure if strangers follow the rules, dude. Better watch out for them. They might think you’re a rabbit.

3. Allusion: (referring to him only taking the job because of the location)
Old: You pick it because it’s in some cool place?
New: Must be in some exciting metropolis.

4. Insinuation:
Old: You haven’t started drinking, have you?
New: Picking up new college habits can do that to a person.

5. Hint: (in reference to his having trouble walking.)
Old line: Did you pull something?
New line: Did you pull something? And don’t tell me how.

[Margaret]

Margaret Loves Covering Subtext!

Vision: To write profound faith-based scripts that are produced.

What I learned: Using subtext makes the dialogue interesting vs boring exposition.

Scenes updated with subtext covers: 9, 13, 48, 51, 53, 54, 55, 59, 89.

[Margaret]

Margaret loves Anticipatory Dialogue

My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.

What I learned: Importance of anticipatory dialogue to move the story forward.

Anticipatory Dialogue added:
NURSE
Whoa, there! Let’s get you a wheelchair and take you on back before you fall and break something.

JACOB
I need to go to class today, I can’t afford to miss any more if I’m going to graduate. Do you think you could take me?

DAWN
(into phone)
Are you serious? Jacob? Jacob Munoz?
(a beat)
Dying?

EMILY
You won’t graduate.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Attack/Counterattack Dialogue

My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.

What I learned: Use of different opposing viewpoints to create Attack/Counterattack dialogue.

Scene using Attack/Counterattack Dialogue:

INT. MEDICAL CLINIC – DAY
Hooked up to an IV, Dawn at his side, Jacob fiddles with his phone.
DAWN
Anything interesting?
Jacob puts the phone down, smiles.
JACOB
Nah. You’re the most interesting thing here.
DAWN
Thing?
JACOB
No, I mean, not thing, I mean…
Dawn laughs at his discomfort.
DAWN
You’re squirming. Or is it the meds that are bothering you?
Jacob holds up the arm.
JACOB
This? Piece of cake. I’m practically a pastry chef at this point.
DAWN
Wow. Give the man an apron.
JACOB
(protesting)
I really have nothing to complain about. I mean, God has blessed me so much. Well, I’ll admit, I’m not looking forward to the next thing coming…
DAWN
Thing? Tell me you’re not talking about me.
Jacob fidgets uncomfortable, preparing himself for a hard conversation.
JACOB
Dawn, I, uhh…
DAWN
Spit it out.
JACOB
Well, we never really talked about this, but, I think maybe… I mean, I can’t tie you to a disabled boyfriend, so, well, maybe…
DAWN
Maybe what?
JACOB
I may die, you know…
DAWN
Seriously, Jacob? I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.
Jacob searches her face, shakes his head slowly “no.”
DAWN
Ever.
Jacob lets out the breath he was holding.
DAWN
Now, if you up and die on me, that’s another story.
JACOB
Whatever God wants. I’m ready either way.
DAWN
I know you are, which makes you the best kind of friend to have around.
JACOB
Friend?
DAWN
Boy. Friend. Thing.
JACOB
(chuckling)
Seriously, what if I go deaf?
Dawn laughs, mouths dramatically, without a sound.
DAWN
What do you mean deaf? You’re not deaf.
Jacob laughs, makes nonsensical movements with his hands mimicking sign language. Dawn grabs his hands, smiles into his eyes.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Dialogue Structure

Vision: To write profound screenplays that are produced.

What I learned: Dialogue is richer if you use dialogue structures vs straight exposition.

Scenes changed:

A. Set up/Twist:

Original Dialogue:

Dawn giggles her agreement as a GIRLFRIEND passes by their table and stops to greet them.
GIRLFRIEND
(to Dawn)
Heh, girl! How ya been?
The Girlfriend checks Jacob out, clearly sees he is ill. She shoots Dawn a look that says, “What are you doing with him?”
DAWN
Everything’s been great.
The Girlfriend gives a Dawn a slow, drawn out response.
GIRLFRIEND
Yeah. I see that.
She nods toward Jacob, smirks.
Changed Dialogue:
Dawn giggles her agreement as a GIRLFRIEND passes by their table and stops to greet them.
GIRLFRIEND
(to Dawn)
Heh, girl! How ya been?
The Girlfriend checks Jacob out, clearly sees he is ill. She shoots Dawn a look that says, “What are you doing with him?”
DAWN
Everything’s been great.
The Girlfriend gives a Dawn a slow, drawn out response.
GIRLFRIEND
Yeah. I see that.
She nods toward Jacob, smirks.
GIRLFRIEND
Gotta go. Be seein’ you. We can talk then. Hopefully, just us.
Taken back by her friend’s rudeness, Dawn stutters.
DAWN
(to Girlfriend)
Sure. Yeah. Sure. Later.

B. Opposite Meanings in Dialogue:

Original Dialogue:

Emily struggles to talk through her tears.
EMILY
OK, but could you? Check with dad?
GRANDMA
What do you need?
EMILY
John and I. Need to be with Jacob. I need to be with Eli, too, I mean, his school.
GRANDMA
Do you need your dad to come stay with Eli?
EMILY
You work. But, I can’t leave him alone. Neither of them!
GRANDMA
Sounds like you need your father to come.
EMILY
Could dad fly tomorrow? Stay with Eli? A week?
GRANDMA
I’m sure he will come, I’ll let him know as soon as he gets here.
(a beat)
Emily?
EMILY
Yeah?
GRANDMA
How are you?
Emily’s confidence is betrayed by her trembling lips.
EMILY
OK. I’m OK. I… I better hang up.
GRANDMA
Bye, then. Em, honey? Trust God.

Dialogue changed to:

Emily struggles to talk through her tears.
EMILY
OK, but could you? Check with dad?
GRANDMA
Dad is fine, Emily. Don’t worry.
EMILY
John and I. Need to be with Jacob.
GRANDMA
Of course. He needs you.
EMILY
I can’t leave Eli alone. Neither of them! And dad…
GRANDMA
It’s been over 10 years for dad. He will be OK.
EMILY
But will he fly?
GRANDMA
Your dad isn’t going to fly away just yet, Lord willing. Just concentrate on helping Jacob right now.
EMILY
Fly away? What? Dad’s dying? When were you going to tell me?
GRANDMA
I never said he was dying. I just said he’s been cancer free for 10 years.
EMILY
Then why can’t he come? Stay with Eli in Texas while we’re in Phoenix?
GRANDMA
You need him to come?
EMILY
Yes! Mom! That’s what I’m asking!

B. Opposite Meanings in Dialogue

Original Dialogue:
The family sneaks into the house and separate, each silently moving throughout the rooms to locate their grandparents.
They reunite moments later in the living room. No grandparents. The mother breaks the silence.
EMILY
They’re not here!
JOHN
Now what do we do?
EMILY
(to Jacob)
This surprise thing was your idea, genius. We should have told them we were coming.
ELI
Are we going to get Christmas dinner? I’m already hungry.
JOHN
Nothing will be open. Restaurants will be packed. Can you check, see if your parents have anything here we could eat?
Emily moves into the kitchen.
Jacob shakes his head, unbelief that the obvious answer has been missed. He holds up his cell phone.
JACOB
Hello? We can’t give up now. Let’s call them. See where they are.
Emily calls out from the kitchen.
EMILY
(O.S.)
They’re coming back! Turkey’s in the oven!
ELI
I bet they had a church service.
JOHN
Why would they leave the door open?
EMILY
(O.S.)
Probably forgot! Gettin’ old.
Eli’s response is interrupted by the sound of a car. Emily runs back into the room.
EMILY
It’s them! They’re back!
JOHN
Everyone, sit down, quick.

Dialogue Changed to:
INT. GRANDPARENT’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

The family sneaks into the house and separate, each silently moving throughout the rooms to locate their grandparents.
In the kitchen, Emily opens the oven door. Sees a turkey.
INT. GRANDPARENT’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
All but Emily reunite in the living room.
ELI
(whispers)
Mom must have found them.
John motions to his sone and they all scramble to sit.
EMILY (O.S.)
Couldn’t have a bigger turkey!
The boys whisper to each other.
JACOB
Which one of us is she talking about?
ELI
You’re the tallest.
EMILY (O.S.)
He’s stuffed!
ELI
No, I’m not. I’m hungry!
John motions for Eli to keep his voice down, whispers.
JOHN
Mom’s only telling them you’re full so they won’t be embarrassed they don’t have enough for us.
ELI
But what about Christmas dinner?
JOHN
We’ll find a restaurant later. Just play along.
JACOB
Nothing will be open. It’s Christmas!
EMILY (O.S.)
Nobody cares?
ELI
(to Jacob)
This surprise thing was your idea, genius. We should have told them we were coming.
John calls out to Emily.
JOHN
It’s OK. We’re fine. We don’t need anything.
Emily enters the living room.
EMILY
I thought you liked turkey?
JOHN
(confused)
Where are your parents?
EMILY
Church, probably.
JOHN
They left for church?

C. Subtext Drives the Meaning

Original Dialogue:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
The chemo infuses as Jacob holds a vomit bag, dry heaves.
Emily hands him a wet washcloth and he wipes his face. Her look of concern catches his eye.

JACOB
I’m OK, mom, don’t worry. I’ll get through this, I promise.
EMILY
Yeah, it could be worse. They could have decided to cut off your testicles.
JACOB
Mom!! I can’t believe you said that!
The off-the-wall comment starts Jacob laughing uncontrollably. His heart rate spikes and sets off an alarm.
A cute nurse (20) rushes into the room. Notes the laughing and turns off the alarm.
NURSE
Everything OK here?
EMILY
Yeah, I was just making fun of his testicles.
The nurse smiles flirtatiously at Jacob, who tries to hide his embarrassment with a forced laugh.
NURSE
OK then.
The nurse leaves and Jacob throws his pillow at his mom.

Changed Dialogue:
A cute nurse (20) rushes into the room. Notes the laughing and turns off the alarm.
CUTE NURSE
Everything OK here?
EMILY
Yeah, I was just making fun of his sporting equipment.
CUTE NURSE
You play sports?
EMILY
He better not be, his equipment is messed up.
JACOB
Mom…
CUTE NURSE
Maybe when you get out of here you will be able to play again.
EMILY
I wouldn’t count on it for a while.

The cute nurse smiles flirtatiously at Jacob, who tries to hide his embarrassment with a forced laugh.
CUTE NURSE
Well, if you’re OK then, I’ll check back with you later.
The nurse leaves and Jacob throws his pillow at his mom.

D. Deeper Layer Opposes Dialogue

ORIGINAL DIALOGUE
INT. SPERM BANK – LATER
Jacob and his parents sit at a round table with a sperm bank EMPLOYEE.
EMPLOYEE
So, payment won’t be necessary today after all.
EMILY
Why not? I thought you said we had to pay up front to store it.
EMPLOYEE
I’m sorry. I hate to tell you this, but there was no live sperm in the sample.
JOHN
What are you saying?
EMPLOYEE
The testicular cancer has killed the sperm already.
EMILY
So, you mean he can’t have children? Ever?
EMPLOYEE
I’m sorry.
The gut punch news overwhelms Jacob, he doesn’t respond.
JOHN
Could this be corrected? I mean, after the chemo?
EMPLOYEE
I’m sorry. Jacob is sterile.
Emily fights back the tears. John shoots a sorrowful look at Jacob, who has recovered from his initial shock. He covers his sorrow with a light-hearted shrug.
JACOB
No big deal. I can adopt some rugrats.
Emily puts on a brave face.
EMILY
Sure. Of course. You can adopt.
John reaches over, nods, pats Jacob’s hand.
The family leaves the conference room, the somber environment shattered by the laughter of two young children as they enter the building with their parents.
Jacob studies the children for a beat, pinches the bridge of his nose to stay his tears.
CHANGED DIALOGUE
INT. SPERM BANK – LATER
Jacob and his parents sit at a round table with a sperm bank EMPLOYEE.
EMPLOYEE
So, payment won’t be necessary today after all.
EMILY
Why not? I thought you said we had to pay up front to store it.
A child (3) comes running into the room, laughing. A second later, his pregnant mother comes in, chases the child around the table, corrals him and takes him out with an apologetic look.
EMPLOYEE
I’m sorry. I hate to tell you this, but there was no live sperm in the sample.
JOHN
What are you saying?
EMPLOYEE
The testicular cancer has killed the sperm already.
The child is back. Runs up to Jacob and hides behind his legs, peeking out at his exasperated mother who returns to collect him.
MOTHER
I’m so sorry…
Emily waits to speak until the mother and child leave.
EMILY
So, you mean he can’t have children? Ever?
EMPLOYEE
I’m so sorry.
The gut punch news overwhelms Jacob, he doesn’t respond.
JOHN
Could this be corrected? I mean, after the chemo?
The mother returns, without the child, quickly scans the room, shrugs apologetically, leaves.
EMPLOYEE
I’m sorry. Jacob is sterile.
Emily fights back the tears. John shoots a sorrowful look at Jacob, who has recovered from his initial shock. He covers his sorrow with a light-hearted shrug.
JACOB
No big deal. I can adopt some rugrats.
Emily puts on a brave face.
EMILY
Sure. Of course. You can adopt.
John reaches over, nods, pats Jacob’s hand.
The family leaves the conference room, the somber environment shattered by the laughter of the young child as his mother returns him to the waiting room.
Jacob studies the pair for a beat, pinches the bridge of his nose to stay his tears as the errant child runs up to him, hugs his legs.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Elevated Dialogue

Vision: To write profound screenplays that are produced.

What I learned: I could put the character profiles in Chatgpt and brainstorm with A.I.

How many lines I changed for each character:

Jacob: 19 changes
Becca: 6 changes

My 4 favorite lines:

“A lot of things aren’t healthy. Dying for one.”

“Can I nominate someone else as tribute?”

“The cancer is back. The sequel no one asked for.”

“Piece of cake. I’m practically a pastry chef at this point.”

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Elevated Interest

Vision: To write profound screenplays that are produced.

What I learned: Many of my scenes were filled with interest techniques, but there was room for more!

What I changed:

Scene 4 – added misinterpretation and subtext
Scene 42- added internal dilemma, cliffhanger
Scene 48- added cliffhanger
Scene 55- added Hope/Fear, Suspense
Scene 60- added an uncomfortable moment
Scene 62- added suspense
Scene 79- added suspense

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Elevated Emotion

Vision: To write profound screenplays that are produced.

What I learned: Strategies for making scenes more emotional. This took a long time, but I learned a new skill!

What I changed:

Scenes 3-6 Essence: Establish the family and their relationship with a reunion.

A. Multiply impact on others: The grandparents express how hard it has been not seeing their grandchildren.
B. Expectatation not met: The visit surprises the grandparents, but even more with the change in their grandchildren.
Success mixed with tragedy: Family happy to see grandparents, struggle with the changes of aging they had not anticipated.

Scene 7 Essence: Show relationship with Ben’s family, set-up for Jacob’s life goals and illness.

A. Raise the stakes: Jacob stumbles, almost drops his cousin.
Make it more painful: Jacob winces, but quickly hides his pain.
B. Trust and Betrayal: Becky reveals a lack of trust in Jacob by taking Joby away. Emily shoots a meaningful look at Jacob to keep him from betraying his lack of faith.
Sacrifice: Jacob defends Joby and takes a verbal hit from Becky.
Triggers a wound: Benjamin reacts to Jacob’s success with sarcasm.
Success mixed with tragedy: Ben points out how Jacob’s success may leave him lonely.

Scene 8 and 9 Essence: Reveal the nightmare that foreshadows the future.

A. Raise the stakes: Bear touches the baby’s basket.
Hope/fear: Grandma strikes as bear starts to drag basket away.
B. Experiencing Distress: Grandma expresses guilt at not being able to watch over her children.
C. Physical reaction to scene: described Grandma’s physical distress.

Scenes 9-15: Reveal Jacob has a health condition requiring medical attention.

A. Raise the stakes: Jacob nearly gets into an accident driving with his illness.
B. Opposing Demands – Conflict between Jacob’s desire to seek help and burdening his parents financially.

Scenes 14-17: Essence: Jacob is diagnosed with cancer.

A. Escalate the conflict: Jacob experiences an acute period of pain/dizziness.
B. Humiliation in groups: Jacob needs to use restroom, handed a urinal, but unsure how to use it.

Scenes 18-21 Essence: Jacob’s and his parents/Grandma receive the diagnosis.

A. Guilt: Emily blames herself for not noticing Jacob’s symptoms earlier.
Opposing demands: Show Emily’s desire to be with Jacob and her responsibility to Eli, forcing her to make a difficult choice.
B. Physical descriptions: Emily’s lips tremble, hands shaking, shorter/fragmented dialogue to convey shock and difficulty processing information.

Scenes 22-25 Essence: Urgent care doctor reveals the critical nature of Jacob’s illness.

A. Raise the stakes: Dr. Tabor alludes to condition rapidly deteriorating, urgent and immediate treatment needed, survival depending on it.
Increase opposition: Hospital ICU at capacity, tension about timely care.
Escalate the conflict: Disagreement about course of action. Jacob insisting he’s fine.
B. Opposites/Irony: Reveal his current grades are all A’s even though he is sick.

Scenes 26-29 Essence: Jacob’s grandparents learn of the diagnosis.

A. Raise the stakes: Emily mentions her fear that Jacob is deteriorating and may not be conscious.
Make it more painful: Grandpa remembers a happy Christmas moment, with Jacob proud of the surprise visit, contrasting with current situation, making it more painful.
Multiply the impact on others: Eli mentions that Grandpa doesn’t cook well and doesn’t know the directions to his school.
B. Relationships: Emily expresses frustration that this crisis impacts Jacob’s future plans, adding a sense of injustice.
Revealed that Grandpa is a cancer survivor, creating a complex mix of hope and fear based on his experiences.
C. Physical ways to enhance emotion: Shoulders shaking.

Scenes 30-32 Essence: Cancer diagnosis confirmed. Family to move.

A. Escalate the conflict: Family tries to convince Jacob to give up studying but he stubbornly persists.
B. Sacrifice: Reveal John’s plan to transfer to Phoenix to be near his son.
Relationships: Jacob tries to stay strong for parents, hiding his fear & pain.
C. Physical: Described the sterile environment to heighten Jacob’s isolation.
Dr. Morgan has personal connection to case – Jacob looks like his own son.

Scenes 33-36 Essence: Reveal the realities of the cancer house and Grandma’s struggle.
A. Increase the opposition: Created conflict with Jacob and his parents about staying at the cancer house. Jacob wants to leave out of fear and discomfort.
Relationships- Expectations not met: John expresses frustration over the support house conditions, feeling he should provide better for Jacob.
Opposites/Irony – Doing the right thing is the wrong thing: Family debates whether staying at the support house is truly beneficial for Jacob’s mental health, despite it being the practical choice.
Emotion Prompts – Relationships – Love received: A moment of tenderness between Jacob and his parents added, reinforcing their unconditional love.
B. Physical – Grandma’s conflicting emotions showcase her struggle between faith and fear for her grandson.
Jacob starts to lose his hair.

Scenes 37-38 Essence: Reveal the realities of the cancer house and Grandma’s prayers.

A. Raise the stakes: Jacob mentions earlier about wanting a large family.
Increase opposition: Created tension between Jacob and family about the timing of the visit.
B. Emotional – Relationships: Jacob appears strong and nonchalant about the news for his own sake while struggling with the implications.
C. Physical: Reveal a young family in the waiting room, triggering a realization about the future he may never have.

Scenes 38-46 Essence: Jacob’s health deteriorates.

A. Raise the stakes: Peers comment on Jacob’s vomiting, further humiliating him.
Increase opposition: Emily opposed to Jacob going to class.
Make it more painful: Jacob tries to text and can’t.
B. Relationships – expectations not met. John expresses disappointment in himself for not being able to stay and support Jacob through his treatments (guilt/inner conflict).
In groups.
Relationships – Proving himself to others: Jacob pushes himself beyond his limits to contribute to the group project, risking his health to prove his worth.

Scenes 47-51 Essence: Introduce Dawn and the impact she has on Jacob.

A. Escalate the conflict: Jacob struggles with the guitar.
B. In Groups – Humiliation: Dawn’s friends stop by – see the bald Jacob and question Dawn.

Scenes 52 Essence: Jacob is in remission

A. Increase opposition: John asks about likelihood of recurrence, and Dr. Morgan provides a sobering statistic.
B. In Groups – Humiliation: Jacob feels embarrassed about the pregnancy test situation.
C. Physical: Included vivid sensory details of physical reactions to good news, silent communication between Jacob and parents showing their relief.

Scenes 53-56: Essence – Jacob’s relationship with Dawn deepens after remission

A. Increase tension: Show Jacob’s nervousness, bouncing his leg up and down.

Scenes 57-59: Essence – Jacob graduates

A. Raise the stakes: Dialogue about potential job loss if Jacob doesn’t graduate on time.
Increase opposition: Jacob’s computer experiences internet loss when trying to check his grades.
Escalate the conflict: Jacob snaps at his mother’s constant worrying.
B. In Groups – Humiliation: Jacob fears walking across the stage only to find out he didn’t graduate.

Scene 60: Essence- Jacob receives the news that the cancer is back.

A. Increase the emotional contrast: Jacob shows pictures of house he wants to buy, and wears a Raytheon company shirt to the appointment.
Escalate the impact: Jacob silently removes his cancer survivor bracelet.
B. Relationships: Trust and Betrayal- Jacob blames himself for getting everyone’s hopes up.
Deeper character moments: Dr. Morgan struggles to deliver the news.
Silent Moments: John’s hands shake as he helps Emily up.

Scenes 61-62: Essence – Dawn stays committed to Jacob. Jacob shares the news with his grandparents.

A. Increased the emotional tension: Jacob tries to push Dawn away to “protect” her. Deepen the sacrifice: Showed Jacob’s guilt at accepting Dawn’s sacrifice.
Intensify family dynamics: Family holds back tears.
B. Character experience – Redemption: Jacob struggles between trusting Dawn’s commitment and his fear of burdening her.
C. Physical- showed forced optimism contrasting with underlying fear. Show Jacob’s leg twitching – his physical reaction to stress.

Scenes 63- 65: Essence- Jacob receives hope, but physically deteriorates.

A. Intensify the contrast: Showed the celebratory atmosphere (party music, laughter)
Eli struggles with being the younger brother who can’t fix this.
Intensify the intimate moments: Showed Jacob’s cold sweats, trembling, Dawn’s caring.
Opposites/Irony: Photographer wants to take picture during the call.
B. Grandma guilty about leaving the burden to Dawn.
Silent Moments: Dawn and Jacob just hold hands with the hope.
C. Dawn’s hands shake as she reads the verse.

Scenes 66-68 Essence: Family struggles as Jacob’s health deteriorates.

A. Raise the stakes – Emily mentions Jacob’s recent fever.
Identify the crisis – Showed bystander’s reaction.
Heighten emotional contrast: Luxurious food vs waffle house.
Opposites/Irony: Happy couples dining vs their crisis.
B. Character Experience – Sacrifice. Jacob tries to hide his weakness.

Scenes 69-72 Essence: Jacob must choose between therapy and a job but God intervenes so Jacob may have both.

A. Raise the stakes – Added more detail about Jacob’s dream job slipping away
Deepen family dynamics – Emily grips John’s hand
Intensify the medical reality – Added more devastating potential side effects
B. Character Experience-Redemption – detailed how sacrifice led to blessing
C. More sensory details of vision
Showed contrast between desperate prayer and peaceful revelation

Scenes 73-74 Jacob starts therapy, proposes to Dawn

A. Intensify existing emotions – Showed humor to mask fears
Relationship dynamics: Added more weight to Jacob’s attempt to “free” Dawn

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Marketing Plan

What I learned: A great email template to market for writing assignments.

First 3 things that I am going to do:

1) Clean up my LinkedIn and IMDbPro profiles to show that I am a professional screenwriter.
2) Research and connect with Producers/Directors that do Faith-Based Dramas
3) Send an e-mail to the Producers/Directors advertising that I am available for writing assignments.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Plan for Increasing Perceived Value

what I learned: How to increase my perceived value

My speciality is faith-based drama.
I have about 1,500 producers (1st) connected on LinkedIn.

To increase my perceived value today:
Today:
Post my work on IMdBPro and complete my bio.
Complete my bio on LinkedIn.
Complete my bio on Coverfly.

In the Next 30 days:
Sign up with a manager (currently in negotiations)
Watch dramas and analyze them.

In the Next 60 months:
Complete a presentation package for each of my scripts.
Review my scripts to ensure that they are fulfilling the drama genre necessities.

[Margaret]

Margaret is a Note Taking Professional!
What I learned is: A reminder of the fail-safes available through ScreenwritingU resources.

Logline: True Story of a college senior who faces a terminal illness and finds the courage through faith in God to live fully despite his illness.

-Cut the budget in half

I would cut 3 characters, and eliminate 2 locations.

-Write it for a different audience

This is for a faith-based audience, primarily for young adults. I could change the audience to seniors by focusing the story on the grandparents, versus the college students.

-Double the conflict

To double the conflict, I could focus on the disagreements between Jacob’s parents and between his parents and himself.

-Change the sex and age of the lead character

This is a true story so I wouldn’t want to change this. If I just make it “based on” a true story, I could make the lead a female instead of a male.

-Change the genre

This is currently a drama, but because of the amount of action in it, I could focus on the action and make the genre action.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Decreased Budget
What I learned doing this assignment: Components that lead to an increased budget.

Decreasing the budget for my screenplay:
Main variables:
Number of characters – I can decrease the number of characters by two, letting go of “Bethany” , “Joby”, and “Kadie”. They do not add to the dramatic goal of the scene.
Number of locations I can condense the number of pages by using the same location for the medical scenes.
Number of pages: I can condense the number of pages by 5 by deleting the scenes with the child, “Joby”.
Secondary variables:
Rights to music: I can let go of the copywrited music and let the producer choose an available music that fits the scene.
Kids- I can delete the use of a child in my script. It should not affect the story or the dramatic goal.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Dramatic Reveals

My Vision: To write profound faith-based scripts that are produced.

What I learned: I did not originally include a strong reaction to the reveals.

Reveals:
Cancer Diagnosis, Able to Graduate, Cancer Remission, Return of cancer, Proposal, Cancer Remission, Pnuemothorax, Return of Cancer, Healing.

I revealed all – Each had good setup and demand, but the presentation/reaction needed tweaking.

[Margaret]

Margaret loves Character Depth!

My Vision: To write profound faith-based scripts that are produced.

What I learned: Three tools to increase character depth.

Changes I made: Disclosed hidden fault in protagonist, wrote in deeper reactions to triggers, and wrote a new scene to bolster the storyline for character depth.

[Margaret]

Is anyone ready to do the 2nd Producer Interview Exchange?

[Margaret]

OK, thank you anyway. I found someone outside of the class to assist. :). Margaret

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Fantastic Treatment

What I learned: How to write a treatment!

Using the 3-Act structure.

TITLE: BEYOND THE SHADOW
GENRE: FAITH-BASED DRAMA
LOGLINE: True story of a college senior who faces a terminal illness and finds the courage through faith in God to live fully despite his illness.

BEYOND THE SHADOW
During a camping trip, Grandma and her daughter, Emily, witnessed the shadow of a bear falling upon a sleeping baby. The bear attacked twice, and the mothers bravely fought until it retreated. When the bear returned the third time, they were too exhausted to defend themselves. In despair, Grandma cried out to God. Divine aid descended, banishing the bear forever. Waking from this ominous nightmare, Grandma prayed for her family’s protection.
Grandma’s grandson, Jacob, a college senior, had his life goals clearly delineated: graduate work at Raytheon as an engineer, buy a house, marry, and have children. He didn’t have a girlfriend yet, but he was determined to fulfill his dreams. His plans were interrupted when he was forced to seek help at an urgent care for unrelenting back pain. Reality mirrored Grandma’s dream as the shadow of cancer fell on Jacob. Diagnosed with dangerous brain tumors and his body riddled with cancer, Jacob’s family gathered around him, their faith tested. Confronting his mortality, Jacob’s once-bright hopes for a future dimmed.
Jacob’s oncologist presented a rigorous treatment plan, laser surgery for his brain tumors and three rounds of chemotherapy. Before treatments began, Jacob went to a sperm bank, hoping to preserve his sperm from the dangerous chemicals. His dreams of children were dashed when he learned that the testicular cancer had already rendered him sterile. Jacob prayed he would be able to find a wife that would consider adoption.
As Jacob’s health deteriorated, he became wheelchair bound. Ignoring his doctor’s advice, he continued his schooling, determined to achieve at least one of his life goals. His parents wheeled him to his classes, their hearts heavy with sorrow as they saw the campus filled with healthy, energetic students, a stark contrast to their weak son who needed to carry an emesis bag for the times he threw up in class. Undeterred, Grandma prayed for his healing, inspiring Jacob with a verse that spoke of hope and a future. Emboldened by God’s word, Jacob resolved to face each day with the courage to live beyond the shadows cast by his condition, for whatever days God gave him to live.
Divine grace whispered solace. After rigorous treatments, the cancer entered remission. Jacob’s strength returned, and he proudly walked the stage at graduation. Love rekindled with his high school sweetheart, Becca, and a promising career with Raytheon awaited him. Yet, the bear from Grandma’s dream was not done fighting. Three new brain tumors marked its resurgence.
Jacob’s sobs turned to peace after God gave him a vision of light in a dark place. Understanding his own life goals needed to take a back seat to God’s will, he resolved to be a light in the darkness. Jacob faced the new rounds of chemo and laser surgery with peace. Treatment brought hope, and Jacob once again found himself in remission. The oncologist recommended stem cell therapy to prevent a reoccurrence of the cancer, but the timing conflicted with Jacob’s August start date at Raytheon. The family turned to prayer for guidance. Should Jacob go through the therapy and lose his long hoped for position with Raytheon?
In an unexpected twist, Raytheon, unaware of Jacob’s condition, asked Jacob to postpone his start date to October, aligning perfectly with his therapy schedule. Jacob entered treatment and proposed to Dawn, planning a November wedding. Two days before the wedding, Jacob faced a new crisis: a collapsed lung and a resurgence of cancer. The news crushed the family. Grandma wondered if she had spoken rashly, giving Jacob hope for this life, where there was none. A time with God restored her faith, and she boldly proclaimed that God was going to heal Jacob. Dawn agreed to proceed with the wedding, but reaching the venue posed a fatal risk. Jacob’s doctor warned him that flying could cause a sudden respiratory arrest, while a snowstorm made driving impossible. Would Jacob make it?
Trusting in God’s protection, Jacob chose to fly and prayed during the perilous flight. At the wedding, he sang not to Becca, but to the Lord. “He’s always been faithful to me,” he sang, his voice strong even as his body faltered. Post-wedding, the prognosis remained grim. Jacob’s tumor markers rose, despite ongoing treatment. The physicians delivered a devastating prognosis: six months.
Finally, recalling the bear dream, Grandma shared it with Jacob. He assured her, “Don’t worry about me, Grandma. I’m not living in any bear’s shadow. Whether I live or die, God’s got me in his hands.” Jacob continued to work at Raytheon, a beacon of God’s presence in a life to banish fear. March brought with it a miracle – lab work revealed no evidence of cancer. The bear had been vanquished. Grandma’s nightmare transformed into a symbol of God’s grace. Jacob’s journey, marked by trials and triumphs, taught them all to live beyond fear’s shadow, embracing each day with hope, faith, and the courage to adopt God’s plans for his life and live for Him.

[Margaret]

Rewritten:

TITLE: BEYOND THE SHADOW
GENRE: FAITH-BASED DRAMA
LOGLINE: True story of a college senior who faces a terminal illness and finds the courage through faith in God to live fully despite his illness.

BEYOND THE SHADOW
During a camping trip, Grandma and her daughter, Emily, witness the shadow of a bear falling on a sleeping baby. The bear moves to attack! The mothers fight bravely and it retreats. Reaching the tree line, the bear turns, and once more charges. They fight him off! The bear returns a third time, casting his shadow once more on the baby, but the women are too exhausted to move. Grandma cries desperately out to God. Divine aid descends from heaven, banishes the bear forever.

Waking from this ominous nightmare, Grandma prays for her family’s protection.

Grandma’s grandson, Jacob, a college senior, has his life goals clearly delineated: graduate, work at Raytheon as an engineer, buy a house, marry, and have children. He doesn’t have a girlfriend yet, but he is determined to fulfill his dreams. His plans are interrupted when he is forced to seek help at an urgent care for unrelenting back pain. Reality mirrors Grandma’s dream as the shadow of cancer falls on Jacob.

Diagnosed with dangerous brain tumors, his body riddled with cancer, Jacob’s once-bright hopes for a future dim.

Jacob’s oncologist plans a rigorous treatment plan, laser surgery for his brain tumors and three rounds of chemotherapy. Before treatments begin, Jacob visits a sperm bank, hoping to preserve his sperm from the dangerous chemicals. His dreams of children are dashed when he learns that the testicular cancer has already rendered him sterile.
Jacob’s goal of a family feels unattainable.

As Jacob’s health deteriorates, he becomes wheelchair bound. Ignoring his doctor’s advice, he continues his schooling, determined to achieve at least one of his life goals. His parents wheel him to his classes, their hearts heavy with sorrow as they see the campus filled with healthy, energetic students, a stark contrast to their weak and dying son. Undeterred, Grandma prays for his healing, inspiring Jacob with a verse that speaks of hope and a future. Emboldened by God’s word, Jacob resolves to face each day with the courage to live beyond the shadows cast by his condition, for whatever days God gives him to live.

Divine grace whispers solace.

After rigorous treatments, the cancer enters remission. Jacob’s strength returns, and he proudly walks the stage at graduation. Love rekindled with his high school sweetheart, Dawn, and a promising career with Raytheon awaits him. Yet, the bear from Grandma’s dream was not done fighting. Three new brain tumors marked its resurgence.
The shadow was back.

Jacob’s sobs turn to peace after God gives him a vision of light in a dark place. Understanding his own life goals need to take a back seat to God’s will, he vows to be a light in the darkness. Jacob faces the new rounds of chemo and laser surgery with peace. Treatment brings hope, and Jacob once again finds himself in remission. The oncologist recommends a stem cell transplant, a dangerous therapy, to prevent a reoccurrence of the cancer, but the timing conflicts with Jacob’s August start date at Raytheon. The family turns to prayer for guidance.

Should Jacob go through the risky therapy and lose his long hoped for position with Raytheon?

In an unexpected twist, Raytheon, unaware of Jacob’s condition, asks Jacob to postpone his start date to October, aligning perfectly with his therapy schedule. Jacob enters treatment and proposes to Dawn. They plan a November wedding. Two days before the wedding, Jacob faces a new crisis: a collapsed lung and a resurgence of cancer.
The news crushes the family.

Grandma wonders if she had spoken rashly, giving Jacob hope for this life, where there was none. A time with God restores her faith, and she boldly proclaims that God is going to heal Jacob. Dawn agrees to proceed with the wedding, but reaching the venue poses a fatal risk. Jacob’s doctor warns him that flying could cause a sudden respiratory arrest, while a major snowstorm makes driving impossible.

Will Jacob make it to his wedding?

Trusting in God’s protection, Jacob decides to fly and prays during the perilous flight. At the wedding, he sings not to Dawn, but to the Lord. “He’s always been faithful to me,” he sings, his voice strong even as his body falters. Post-wedding, the prognosis remains grim. Jacob’s tumor markers rise, despite ongoing treatment.

Jacob’s physician delivers a devastating prognosis: six months to live.
Finally, recalling the bear dream, Grandma shares it with Jacob. He assures her, “Don’t worry about me, Grandma. I’m not living in any bear’s shadow. Whether I live or die, God’s got me in his hands.” Jacob continues to work at Raytheon, a beacon of God’s presence in a life to banish fear.

March brings with it a miracle – lab work reveals no evidence of cancer. The shadow of the bear is gone! Grandma’s nightmare transforms into a symbol of God’s grace. Jacob’s journey, marked by trials and triumphs, taught them all to live beyond fear’s shadow, embracing each day with hope, faith, and the courage to adopt God’s plans for this life , and live daily for Him.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Synopsis for Producer Interview.
Title: Beyond the Shadow
Genre: Drama
Logline: A true story of a college senior who faces a terminal illness and finds the courage through faith in God to live fully despite his illness.
Synopsis:

BEYOND THE SHADOW
During a camping trip, Grandma and her daughter, Aimee, witnessed the shadow of a bear falling upon a sleeping baby. The bear attacked twice, and the mothers bravely fought until it retreated. When the bear returned the third time, they were too exhausted to defend themselves. In despair, Grandma cried out to God. Divine aid descended, banishing the bear forever. Waking from this ominous nightmare, Grandma prayed for her family’s protection.

Reality mirrored her dream when her grandson, Jabin, was rushed to the ER with unrelenting pain. Diagnosed with dangerous brain tumors and his body riddled with cancer, Jabin’s family gathered around him, their faith tested. Confronting his mortality, Jabin’s once-bright hopes for a future dimmed.

As Jabin’s health deteriorated, he became wheelchair bound. Ignoring his doctor’s advice, he attended classes, determined to achieve at least one of his life goals: graduation, a career as an engineer, and marriage. His parents wheeled him to his classes, their hearts heavy with sorrow.

Undeterred, Grandma prayed for his healing, inspiring Jabin with a verse that spoke of hope and a future. Emboldened by God’s word, Jabin resolved to face each day with the courage to live beyond the shadows cast by his condition.

Divine grace whispered solace. After rigorous treatments, the cancer entered remission. Jabin’s strength returned, and he proudly walked the stage at graduation. Love rekindled with his high school sweetheart, Becca, and a promising career with Raytheon awaited him.

Yet, the bear from Grandma’s dream was not done fighting. Three new brain tumors marked its resurgence. Jabin’s sobs turned to peace after God gave him a vision of light in a dark place.
Understanding his own life goals needed to take a back seat to God’s will, he resolved to be a light in the darkness. Jabin faced the new rounds of chemo and surgery with peace.

Treatment brought hope, and Jabin once again found himself in remission. The oncologist recommended stem cell therapy to prevent a reoccurrence of the cancer, but the timing conflicted with Jabin’s August start date at Raytheon. The family turned to prayer for guidance.

In an unexpected twist, Raytheon, unaware of Jabin’s condition, asked Jabin to postpone his start date to October, aligning perfectly with his therapy schedule. Jabin entered treatment and proposed to Becca, planning a November wedding.

Two days before the wedding, Jabin faced a new crisis: a collapsed lung and a resurgence of cancer. The news crushed the family. Grandma wondered if she had spoken rashly, giving Jabin hope for this life, where there was none. A time with God restored her faith, and she boldly proclaimed that God was going to heal Jabin.

Becca agreed to proceed with the wedding, but reaching the venue posed a fatal risk. Jabin’s doctor warned him that flying could cause a sudden respiratory arrest, while a snowstorm made driving impossible. Trusting in God’s protection, Jabin chose to fly. At the wedding, he sang not to Becca, but to the Lord. “He’s always been faithful to me,” he sang, his voice strong even as his body faltered.

Post-wedding, the prognosis remained grim. Jabin’s tumor markers rose, despite ongoing treatment. The physicians delivered a devastating prognosis: six months.
Finally recalling the bear dream, Grandma shared it with Jabin. He assured her, “Don’t worry about me, Grandma. I’m not living in any bear’s shadow. Whether I live or die, God’s got me in his hands.” Jabin continued to work, a beacon of God’s presence in a life to banish fear.
March brought with it a miracle – lab work revealed no evidence of cancer. The bear had been vanquished. Grandma’s nightmare transformed into a symbol of God’s grace. Jabin’s journey, marked by trials and triumphs, taught them all to live beyond fear’s shadow, embracing each day with hope, faith, and the courage to live for God.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Drama Writing Sample Plan

This sample is from the beginning of Act Two of the “Rock of Cashel.” (St.) Patrick returns to Ireland intent on evangelizing, beginning with his previous master, Milcho. He underestimates the influence the druid Bacrah, and the goddess Morrigan have over Irish hearts.

EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY
Patrick strides to Milcho’s door, knuckles rap sharply against the wood.
Milcho’s face registers surprise and trepidation as he spots Patrick from the window.
Inside, Milcho’s WIFE’s voice cuts through the air, impatient, demanding.
WIFE (O.C.)
Milcho! Will you be peeping all day? Answer the door then, unless it be an otherworld creature or Bacrah himself.
Milcho waves a hurried gesture to hush his wife, cautiously steps out through the front door, shuts it firmly behind him.
MILCHO
(nervous)
What brings you here, lad?
PATRICK
I have come to settle my debt for freedom.
Milcho hesitates, unsure of how to respond. Patrick retrieves a small bag from his coat, hands it to Milcho.
Milcho takes the bag, peers inside, hands the bag back.
MILCHO
Your freedom was given, not earned.
Patrick pushes the bag away but Milcho takes his hand and firmly places the bag in it.
PATRICK
Then allow me to offer you a greater gift: freedom from fear.

MILCHO
A gift of freedom? Life and fear are married, lad, no man can separate them.
PATRICK
No man, but my Christ can. Let me share with you the love of Christ, which can dispel all fear. A love that can kindle a fire in your heart and burn away all doubts and fear.
MILCHO
A fire in the heart, you say?
Milcho glances back at his house.
PATRICK
Yes, a fire that can illuminate even the darkest corners of our souls. Just a few words. Let me speak of my Lord.
MILCHO
The time is not right, lad.
PATRICK
Today, tomorrow, the next day. I will not give up until I see you free.
Milcho stares at Patrick, sighs at the weight his words.
MILCHO
Return late on the morrow if you will. If I have an ear, I will hear you out then.
INT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY
A NEIGHBOR stands at Milcho’s door holding a bucket of grease and candles.
NEIGHBOR
(angry)
And should I be as a babe with no strength to help?
MILCHO
He leaves me no choice. If Bacrah learns I have spoken with the lad, my wife and I will face dire consequences.
NEIGHBOR
Speak to Bacrah, then. Tell him of the lad’s whereabouts.
MILCHO
After the lad escaped the first time I was warned. Not a word he said, or my wife and I would face a life here and in the otherworld with torturers and no relief.
The Neighbor appears uneasy, as if expecting Bacrah. He hands Milcho the grease and candles.
NEIGHBOR
How will ye be tellin’ yer wife?
MILCHO
It will be on her quickly. She may suffer a bit, but only in this life. I think it a kindness to not speak of it.
The Neighbor pats Milcho’s chest, takes his leave.
NEIGHBOR
A brave man, indeed. But foolhardy.
Milcho shuts the door behind him, places the candles around the living quarters, lights each one. Milcho’s Wife enters, notes the action.
WIFE
Well, yerself will not be fearin’ the dark now, eh?
Milcho doesn’t answer, just takes the grease bucket and with his finger paints grease trails from one candle to another.
WIFE
(angry)
What are you about? I have cleaned the room and you paint it with the stink of pig grease?
MILCHO
Let it be, wife. There is an ill omen in the air, and this is our only defense.
WIFE
A curse? What is this about? I was with the women at the market today. I would have heard of it.
MILCHO
This was men’s talk.
WIFE
And the men will be feelin’ the brunt of it, curse or no’, if they be thinkin’ their women will be lettin’ them grease their homes.
Milcho continues to apply grease, determined. His wife tries to take the bucket from him, but he pushes her away.
WIFE
Milcho, stop this madness! You will only bring harm upon us!
Milcho’s Wife tries once more to get control of the bucket, without success.
WIFE
We will both be slippin’ and breakin’ whatever bones we have. You know MacKenzie was laid up for six months with just a drop spilt.
Milcho scoops the grease out with his fingers and flings it at the walls. His wife grabs at him, screams out in anger.
WIFE
Milcho! It is your senses you have lost then! Stop it! Stop it, you fool!
Milcho drops the empty bucket and stares at his wife, profound sadness etched in his face.
MILCHO
Say you love me, wife. Say it now, before it is too late.
Confused, the Wife stops her tirade and stares at Milcho.
WIFE
I have never been untrue to you, if that is what you heard.
Milcho sobs, his trembling hands reach to cover hers.
MILCHO
I know. I know my love. You need to know I love you. Love you like my own life.
Milcho takes her into a tight embrace. She snuggles up against him.
WIFE
There, there now. No need for a fuss. Of course I love you, Milcho. Always have, always will.
MILCHO
Forgive me, love. For everything.
Milcho kicks out, tips a candle over onto a pile of grease.
EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY – MOMENTS LATER
Patrick approaches Milcho’s home as flames consume it. Desperate screams fill the air.
WIFE (O.C.)
Milcho! Let me go! Let me go!
Patrick races up the walk, pounds on the door.
PATRICK
Milcho! Milcho!
The blood-curdling screams drive Patrick to slam his shoulder into the door. The door doesn’t budge. He kicks at it, it stands firm.
PATRICK
Milcho! Milcho!
Mercifully, the screams stop. Patrick looks around desperately for something to ram the door down. He picks up a large clay jar, rams the door. The jar crumbles in his hands, cuts his palms. The door remains shut.
PATRICK
God help me. God help me. God help me!
Patrick peers in the window, but the black smoke billowing from it gives no hint of the tragedy inside. He touches the window frame, the heat instantly burns his hands.
Patrick returns to the door and once again tries to force it open. It remains solid.
He slaps at the door, leaving blood-stained palm prints.
The roof collapses in on the house, blows the door free, knocks Patrick back.
Patrick whimpers through his tears.
PATRICK
Milcho, forgive me.
Patrick watches as a small length of timber, half burnt, falls, lands in front of him. He grabs the wood, jumps up, takes off running.
EXT. HILL – SAME
Patrick lumbers up a nearby hill, holds the charred timber out in front of him like a torch.
He stops in front of the stone with a circle, a tribute to the sun god. He yells, voice ragged, charged with anger.
PATRICK
You! Will! Not! Have the Irish!
With the charcoaled end of the timber, he desecrates the circle, draws a black cross over it.
Patrick bellows out his message to the town below.
PATRICK
Death will not reign. Fear will not reign. The cross of Christ is our salvation!
In the far distance, Patrick sees another statue to the sun god in a field. He leans forward, lifts his torch high, whiffs of smoke following the wind.
Patrick sets off towards the second statue. Above, a crow caws, agitated.
EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – DAY
Near King Loeghaire’s foreboding castle, Bacrah kneels before Morrigan. He dares meet her eyes.
BACRAH
With what task may I serve you here, my queen?
MORRIGAN
Patrick. I have seen a vision. He has returned.
The news jolts Bacrah. His gaze flickers back to the castle.
BACRAH
Forgive me, my queen, but may it be that some see danger where there is none?
MORRIGAN
You dare question me? He and his follower swarm near, and you will feel his sting!
BACRAH
The boy will be swatted away.
MORRIGAN
He is now a man! Driven with the desire to follow his god. Did I not warn you? He must be destroyed before he destroys us!
Morrigan’s frustration is evident. She yells out, then disappears from sight.
MORRIGAN
Find him!
EXT. TARA – HILL OF SLANE – DAY
Patrick tears up the hill, stops in front of the statue. With the smoldering wood, he etches a cross over the circle.
The action releases his anger, replaces it with sadness.
Patrick roams the area, gathers twigs. He stacks them not far from the statue, plunges the charcoaled end of his stick into the pile, blows life into it. Sparks dance, catch hold.
The fire grows, he adds more wood, contemplates.
PATRICK
(to self)
In Britain I had family. Purpose.
Patrick stokes his fire, then reclines beside it, gazing upward at the heavens, the rising moon, the stars.
PATRICK
Death stalks everyone and everything I have ever tried to save! How can you use me to save a people?
Patrick jumps up, grabs a handful of twigs, tosses them. Grabs a larger bunch, flings it. Stomps on what is left of his firewood until he falls, exhausted, onto his back.
Patrick’s eyes drift to the cross, then the majestic star-filled sky.
PATRICK
(whispers)
You are the creator of life.
EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING
Bacrah gazes out over the dark valley. Houses are dark, not a flicker of light emanates from any of the cottages.
A distant glimmer of firelight pierces the darkness. Bacrah growls, his face a mixture of anger and disbelief.
INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING
The grand hall is decorated with opulent tapestries and a massive fireplace, filled with cold coals.
KING LOEGHAIRE (40s) resides at a lavish table, his regal presence commands the room. The QUEEN and a sea of GUESTS revel in mirth, their laughter echoes against stone walls.
The atmosphere shifts abruptly as massive doors swing open, Bacrah strides in. The laughter falters and dies, replaced by an uneasy hush. Cups clatter as they’re hastily set down, uneasy glances dart toward the King.
King Loeghaire’s fingers grip the arm of his chair.
KING LOEGHAIRE
(nervous, strained)
Bacrah, join us at the table.
Bacrah thunders his response.
BACRAH
Shall the king feast while his subjects defy him?
The stricken guests look down at their plates.
KING LOEGHAIRE
Surely you —
Bacrah cuts him off.
BACRAH
Have you not decreed that no one should light a fire this night until you lit a fire here in the castle?
King Loeghaire attempts to maintain composure.
KING LOEGHAIRE
The festival is just beginning, Bacrah. I will honor the tradition by lighting it after the feast.
Bacrah roars.
BACRAH
It has already been lit!
The guests exchange bewildered glances. Even the King is left momentarily speechless.
BACRAH
Unless this fire is quenched this same night it will never be quenched.
KING LOEGHAIRE
But who? Where —
BACRAH
The kindler is at Tara, on the hill of Slane. He must be put to death or this fire will overcome us all, seduce all your subjects.
King Loeghaire rises, tears the cloth from his neck, casts it onto the table.
KING LOEGHAIRE
You have done well, discovering this sedition. We will address this matter swiftly.
Bacrah gives the king a slight bow. His words are not spoken as a suggestion.
BACRAH
I would not care to see a fire of this type burn the King, my Lord. With your permission, I will extinguish this fire, and the one who lit it.

[Margaret]

EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY
Patrick strides to Milcho’s door, knuckles rap sharply against the wood.
Milcho’s face registers surprise and trepidation as he spots Patrick from the window.
Inside, Milcho’s WIFE’s voice cuts through the air, impatient, demanding.
WIFE (O.C.)
Milcho! Will you be peeping all day? Answer the door then, unless it be an otherworld creature or Bacrah himself.
Milcho waves a hurried gesture to hush his wife, cautiously steps out through the front door, shuts it firmly behind him.
MILCHO
(nervous)
What brings you here, lad?
PATRICK
I have come to settle my debt for freedom.
Milcho hesitates, unsure of how to respond. Patrick retrieves a small bag from his coat, hands it to Milcho.
Milcho takes the bag, peers inside, hands the bag back.
MILCHO
Your freedom was given, not earned.
Patrick pushes the bag away but Milcho takes his hand and firmly places the bag in it.
PATRICK
Then allow me to offer you a greater gift: freedom from fear.
MILCHO
A gift of freedom? Life and fear are married, lad, no man can separate them.
PATRICK
No man, but my Christ can. Let me share with you the love of Christ, which can dispel all fear. A love that can kindle a fire in your heart and burn away all doubts and fear.
MILCHO
A fire in the heart, you say?
Milcho glances back at his house.
PATRICK
Yes, a fire that can illuminate even the darkest corners of our souls. Just a few words. Let me speak of my Lord.
MILCHO
The time is not right, lad.
PATRICK
Today, tomorrow, the next day. I will not give up until I see you free.
Milcho stares at Patrick, sighs at the weight his words.
MILCHO
Return late on the morrow if you will. If I have an ear, I will hear you out then.
INT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY
A NEIGHBOR stands at Milcho’s door holding a bucket of grease and candles.
NEIGHBOR
(angry)
And should I be as a babe with no strength to help?
MILCHO
He leaves me no choice. If Bacrah learns I have spoken with the lad, my wife and I will face dire consequences.
NEIGHBOR
Speak to Bacrah, then. Tell him of the lad’s whereabouts.
MILCHO
After the lad escaped the first time I was warned. Not a word he said, or my wife and I would face a life here and in the otherworld with torturers and no relief.
The Neighbor appears uneasy, as if expecting Bacrah. He hands Milcho the grease and candles.
NEIGHBOR
How will ye be tellin’ yer wife?
MILCHO
It will be on her quickly. She may suffer a bit, but only in this life. I think it a kindness to not speak of it.
The Neighbor pats Milcho’s chest, takes his leave.
NEIGHBOR
A brave man, indeed. But foolhardy.
Milcho shuts the door behind him, places the candles around the living quarters, lights each one. Milcho’s Wife enters, notes the action.
WIFE
Well, yerself will not be fearin’ the dark now, eh?
Milcho doesn’t answer, just takes the grease bucket and with his finger paints grease trails from one candle to another.
WIFE
(angry)
What are you about? I have cleaned the room and you paint it with the stink of pig grease?
MILCHO
Let it be, wife. There is an ill omen in the air, and this is our only defense.
WIFE
A curse? What is this about? I was with the women at the market today. I would have heard of it.
MILCHO
This was men’s talk.
WIFE
And the men will be feelin’ the brunt of it, curse or no’, if they be thinkin’ their women will be lettin’ them grease their homes.
Milcho continues to apply grease, determined. His wife tries to take the bucket from him, but he pushes her away.
WIFE
Milcho, stop this madness! You will only bring harm upon us!
Milcho’s Wife tries once more to get control of the bucket, without success.
WIFE
We will both be slippin’ and breakin’ whatever bones we have. You know MacKenzie was laid up for six months with just a drop spilt.
Milcho scoops the grease out with his fingers and flings it at the walls. His wife grabs at him, screams out in anger.
WIFE
Milcho! It is your senses you have lost then! Stop it! Stop it, you fool!
Milcho drops the empty bucket and stares at his wife, profound sadness etched in his face.
MILCHO
Say you love me, wife. Say it now, before it is too late.
Confused, the Wife stops her tirade and stares at Milcho.
WIFE
I have never been untrue to you, if that is what you heard.
Milcho sobs, his trembling hands reach to cover hers.
MILCHO
I know. I know my love. You need to know I love you. Love you like my own life.
Milcho takes her into a tight embrace. She snuggles up against him.
WIFE
There, there now. No need for a fuss. Of course I love you, Milcho. Always have, always will.
MILCHO
Forgive me, love. For everything.
Milcho kicks out, tips a candle over onto a pile of grease.
EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY – MOMENTS LATER
Patrick approaches Milcho’s home as flames consume it. Desperate screams fill the air.
WIFE (O.C.)
Milcho! Let me go! Let me go!
Patrick races up the walk, pounds on the door.
PATRICK
Milcho! Milcho!
The blood-curdling screams drive Patrick to slam his shoulder into the door. The door doesn’t budge. He kicks at it, it stands firm.
PATRICK
Milcho! Milcho!
Mercifully, the screams stop. Patrick looks around desperately for something to ram the door down. He picks up a large clay jar, rams the door. The jar crumbles in his hands, cuts his palms. The door remains shut.
PATRICK
God help me. God help me. God help me!
Patrick peers in the window, but the black smoke billowing from it gives no hint of the tragedy inside. He touches the window frame, the heat instantly burns his hands.
Patrick returns to the door and once again tries to force it open. It remains solid.
He slaps at the door, leaving blood-stained palm prints.
The roof collapses in on the house, blows the door free, knocks Patrick back.
Patrick whimpers through his tears.
PATRICK
Milcho, forgive me.
Patrick watches as a small length of timber, half burnt, falls, lands in front of him. He grabs the wood, jumps up, takes off running.
EXT. HILL – SAME
Patrick lumbers up a nearby hill, holds the charred timber out in front of him like a torch.
He stops in front of the stone with a circle, a tribute to the sun god. He yells, voice ragged, charged with anger.
PATRICK
You! Will! Not! Have the Irish!
With the charcoaled end of the timber, he desecrates the circle, draws a black cross over it.
Patrick bellows out his message to the town below.
PATRICK
Death will not reign. Fear will not reign. The cross of Christ is our salvation!
In the far distance, Patrick sees another statue to the sun god in a field. He leans forward, lifts his torch high, whiffs of smoke following the wind.
Patrick sets off towards the second statue. Above, a crow caws, agitated.
EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – DAY
Near King Loeghaire’s foreboding castle, Bacrah kneels before Morrigan. He dares meet her eyes.
BACRAH
With what task may I serve you here, my queen?
MORRIGAN
Patrick. I have seen a vision. He has returned.
The news jolts Bacrah. His gaze flickers back to the castle.
BACRAH
Forgive me, my queen, but may it be that some see danger where there is none?
MORRIGAN
You dare question me? He and his follower swarm near, and you will feel his sting!
BACRAH
The boy will be swatted away.
MORRIGAN
He is now a man! Driven with the desire to follow his god. Did I not warn you? He must be destroyed before he destroys us!
Morrigan’s frustration is evident. She yells out, then disappears from sight.
MORRIGAN
Find him!
EXT. TARA – HILL OF SLANE – DAY
Patrick tears up the hill, stops in front of the statue. With the smoldering wood, he etches a cross over the circle.
The action releases his anger, replaces it with sadness.
Patrick roams the area, gathers twigs. He stacks them not far from the statue, plunges the charcoaled end of his stick into the pile, blows life into it. Sparks dance, catch hold.
The fire grows, he adds more wood, contemplates.
PATRICK
(to self)
In Britain I had family. Purpose.
Patrick stokes his fire, then reclines beside it, gazing upward at the heavens, the rising moon, the stars.
PATRICK
Death stalks everyone and everything I have ever tried to save! How can you use me to save a people?
Patrick jumps up, grabs a handful of twigs, tosses them. Grabs a larger bunch, flings it. Stomps on what is left of his firewood until he falls, exhausted, onto his back.
Patrick’s eyes drift to the cross, then the majestic star-filled sky.
PATRICK
(whispers)
You are the creator of life.
EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING
Bacrah gazes out over the dark valley. Houses are dark, not a flicker of light emanates from any of the cottages.
A distant glimmer of firelight pierces the darkness. Bacrah growls, his face a mixture of anger and disbelief.
INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING
The grand hall is decorated with opulent tapestries and a massive fireplace, filled with cold coals.
KING LOEGHAIRE (40s) resides at a lavish table, his regal presence commands the room. The QUEEN and a sea of GUESTS revel in mirth, their laughter echoes against stone walls.
The atmosphere shifts abruptly as massive doors swing open, Bacrah strides in. The laughter falters and dies, replaced by an uneasy hush. Cups clatter as they’re hastily set down, uneasy glances dart toward the King.
King Loeghaire’s fingers grip the arm of his chair.
KING LOEGHAIRE
(nervous, strained)
Bacrah, join us at the table.
Bacrah thunders his response.
BACRAH
Shall the king feast while his subjects defy him?
The stricken guests look down at their plates.
KING LOEGHAIRE
Surely you —
Bacrah cuts him off.
BACRAH
Have you not decreed that no one should light a fire this night until you lit a fire here in the castle?
King Loeghaire attempts to maintain composure.
KING LOEGHAIRE
The festival is just beginning, Bacrah. I will honor the tradition by lighting it after the feast.
Bacrah roars.
BACRAH
It has already been lit!
The guests exchange bewildered glances. Even the King is left momentarily speechless.
BACRAH
Unless this fire is quenched this same night it will never be quenched.
KING LOEGHAIRE
But who? Where —
BACRAH
The kindler is at Tara, on the hill of Slane. He must be put to death or this fire will overcome us all, seduce all your subjects.
King Loeghaire rises, tears the cloth from his neck, casts it onto the table.
KING LOEGHAIRE
You have done well, discovering this sedition. We will address this matter swiftly.
Bacrah gives the king a slight bow. His words are not spoken as a suggestion.
BACRAH
I would not care to see a fire of this type burn the King, my Lord. With your permission, I will extinguish this fire, and the one who lit it.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Key Business Decisions

What I learned doing this assignment: Key questions to find the answers to before starting a writing assignment.

Genre: Drama
Title: Isle of Despair
Concept: A young man dreams of sailing only to find himself shipwrecked, battling pirates, cannibals, and the elements while searching for strength in his faith to survive. His only hope for rescue comes with the price of betrayal.
Audience: 4 Quadrant
Budget: 25-50 mil
Lead Characters: Robinson, Anjani (cannibal)
Journey/Character Arc: Robinson stubbornly follows his own path through life but he finds himself in extreme circumstances which require him to give up his own will and trust God.
Opening: Robinson, adrift in the ocean. Ending: Robinson, sailing away from the island, rescued.

What would make the script more marketable: Decrease the budget size by changing amount of animals, extreme weather, and special effects necessary.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Speciality: Faith-based Drama

What I learned doing this assignment: There are FEW very good faith-based dramas. Most are cheesy, full of cliches, and unoriginal. When I googled “best dramas”, none of them were faith-based. This tells me that there is a need for good writers in this area. It is a very small niche, however, and unless there is a growing need for faith-based movies (which I think is happening), I may have difficulty selling my scripts.

How it delivered on the Genre conventions:

Genre: Faith-based Drama
Title: God’s not Dead
How it delivered on the Genre conventions:
-Purpose: To show the result of hanging on to your values without wavering.
-Character-Driven Journey: Teacher unwittingly commits a crime in sharing her faith and is taken to court. She is faced with a decision – to apologize for her actions and charges dropped, or hang on to her faith and decisions made and face losing her teaching license.
-High stakes come from within: Teacher must determine if her values are worth the price she would have to pay (losing job and teaching license.)
-Emotionally resonates: Struggling with her decisions/faith relates to many.
-Challenging, emotionally-charged situations: Decision from jury.
-Real-life situations: Based on a true story.

Outline of the movie:
-Teacher answers direct question in class with a scripture
-Teacher shares her faith with a distraught student
-Teacher is sued for sharing her faith.
-Teacher brought to court.
-Teacher is offered an “out” – to apologize with charges dropped.
-Teacher refused to deny her faith/actions.
-Prosecution does an excellent job of proving their case.
-Christians pray for teacher.
-Jury finds Teacher innocent.

Genre: Faith-based Drama
Title: Firing Squad
How it delivered on the Genre conventions:
-Purpose: To show how God’s love can change a life
-Character-Driven Journey: Character transformation to drug runner to preacher
-High stakes come from within: He must be ready to die with courage for his belief
-Emotionally resonates: His decision to trust God while facing death.
-Challenging, emotionally-charged situations: Facing a firing squad.
-Real-life situations: Based on a true story.

Outline of the movie:
1. Drug Dealer taking risks
2. Drug Dealer Jailed
3. Drug Dealer finds God in prison
4. Drug Dealer becomes a preacher
5. Drug Dealer faces Firing Squad with peace that comes from God
6. Drug Dealer dies in peace, many other prisoners come to God as a result.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s LinkedIn Profile

What I learned: In reviewing my profile I saw I had 121 views, 15 in the last 7 days. Unfortunately, my profile was not completed at that time.

I currently have 42 endorsements for screenwriting. I plan to endorse those in my class, hopefully, they will return the favor! I completed my profile from my credibility checklist.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Credibility is Going Up!

What I learned doing this assignment: Components that increase credibility.

Assignment #1

Steps to Increase Credibility:
1. Work on getting a manager
2. Enter more contests

Credibility Checklist
1. Your writing Sample
a. Isle of Despair and The Cross and the Sword received a “recommend” on Coverage
2. Screenwriting Accomplishments
a. The Cross on the Sword was a finalist in the 2024 Page Turner Screenplay Contest
b. Shopping Agreement with Voyage Media for Isle of Despair.
3. First page listing on Google search all reflect “Margaret Silebi” as a professional screenwriter.
4. My Network on LinkedIn has 2,600 connections with producers.
5. Education specific to screenwriting: Master screenwriter Certificate program, ScreenwritingU
6. Borrowed Credibility – none
7. IMDB credits = none

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Projects and Insights

Two projects that I am bringing to the group:
a. An idea I would like to create: “Rag Dolls” – A seamstress uses her rag dolls to comfort war-torn children and pass information to her country’s allies.
b. Finished script: The Cross and the Sword $15-40 million

What I learned from the opening teleconference: Strategies for building credibility. I realized I needed to work at building my credibility, including marketing myself as a specialist for faith-based scripts. I am looking forward to learning all the additional components to be prepared for writing assignments.

[Margaret]

I, Margaret Silebi, agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Margaret]

1. Name? Margaret Silebi
2. How many scripts you’ve written? 7
3. What you hope to get out of the class? Mechanics of getting paid writing assignments
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I was a nurse for 45 years.
We look forward to working with you all!

[Margaret]

Margaret Solved Scene Problems!

My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.

What I learned: Interest techniques were included in every scene, but not every scene had more than one purpose. I needed to brainstorm ways to make the scenes fulfill more than one purpose.

[Margaret]

Margaret is Cliche Busting

My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.

What I learned: Reminded once again of the importance of fresh scenes, without Cliches.

My script is based on a true story. The events were dictated by actual events which made it easy for me to steer clear of cliches in this script. I did go through the script, however, to identify any cliches that may have crept in. I didn’t identify any.

[Margaret]

Margaret Solved Character Problems!

My vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.

What I learned: I needed to upgrade my character intors. Characters seemed distinct in personality and not generic. I did make the antagonist “good” in some spots to offset his “badness.”

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Structure Solutions
Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: The script will get better – just follow the process.
Changes I made: I had to add several scenes so that the flow made sense. I had missed events in the outline that were needed to make the flow logical.
Beat Sheet:
ACT 1
1. INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
o Scene: Grandma wakes up in a cold sweat from a traumatic nightmare where a bear’s shadow falls on a sleeping baby. The bear attacks the baby three times but she and the baby’s mother fight to keep the baby safe. On the third attack, she cries out to heaven, and help arrives, driving the bear away.
o Scene Arc: From Grandma’s fear to seeking divine intervention
o Essence: Establish Grandma’s protective nature and foreshadow danger and divine intervention in Jacob’s life.
o Conflict: Internal distress driven by fear for her grandchild
o Subtext: The nightmare represents what is to come and her need to protect her grandchild through faith in God.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that divine intervention will protect her grandchildren; fear of impending doom for one of her grandchildren.
2. EXT. GRANDMA’S DINING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jacob, full of optimism, shares his dreams of graduating, starting a career, at Raytheon, and playing with a church band during Christmas dinner with his family, hiding a back pain that plagues him.
o Scene Arc: Starts with family expressing joy at Jacob’s future plans, ends with Jacob covering up his pain.
o Essence: Introduce Jacob’s dreams, establish family’s support, and hint at Jacob’s health issue.
o Conflict: Back pain has Jacob discreetly taking pain killers, ensuring no one notices. The audience sees his subtle movements and concern in his eyes.
o Subtext: Jacob’s optimistic outlook masks his concern over his back pain, suggesting that something more serious is happening beneath his cheerful demeanor.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jacob will achieve his dreams: fear that his back pain may be a sign of something serious.
3. EXT./INT. CAR – DAY
o Scene: Jacob experiences acute pain and decides to go to the ER alone. He calls his parents in route and reassures them he is ok.
o Scene Arc: From intense pain to consoling his parents.
o Conflict: Jacob’s physical pain vs. his isolation and fear.
o Subtext: Jacob covers his fear and loneliness with making light of his pain, attributing it to a strained muscle.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Jacob’s pain is due to a minor diagnosis, fear it signifies a major illness.
INCITING INCIDENT:
4. INT. ER – DAY
o Scene: Jacob receives a terminal cancer diagnosis from Dr. Morgan, with tumors found throughout his body. Dr. Morgan tells him to give up dreams of graduating and focus on getting well, but gives him hope that with today’s advances in medicine he can kick this.
o Scene Arc: Starts with waiting for a diagnosis and ends with his world shattering after the terminal diagnosis.
o Essence: Introduce the central conflict by revealing Jacob’s diagnosis and the clash between his dreams and medical reality.
o Conflict: Hope vs. despair and fear.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan’s tells Jacob to give up on his dreams of graduating, but, in reality, Dr. Morgan believes Jacob should give up all his dreams. Dr. Morgan does not believe that medical intervention will work, even though he says there is some hope.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jacob will survive; fear that with tumors in his brain, abdomen, and lungs, his dreams are now impossible.
5. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
o Scene: Dr. Morgan is on the phone with a colleague talking about Jacob. The conversation only partially heard, leaving the audience aware that Dr. Morgan is not as confident that Jacob’s cancer can be cured as he confidently asserts.
o Scene Arc: Starts with Dr. Morgan’s doubts for a cure, ends with his decision to treat until patient/family come to the revelation that there is no hope.
o Essence: Highlight the complexity of Dr. Morgan’s character, the hidden doubts about Jacob’s prognosis, and his belief that he must remain emotionally detached from his patients.
o Conflict: Dr. Morgan’s professional stance vs. his private doubts.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan holds no hope that Jacob will survive.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Dr. Morgan has a plan that will cure Jacob; fear Jacob will die.
ACT 2
6. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob moves into a cancer house with his parents, feeling hopeless and stating, “So this is where I die…” Another cancer patient with brain tumors has disturbing behaviors, frightening Jacob with potential glimpses of his future.
o Scene Arc: Starts with resignation and ends with fear.
o Essence: Convey Jacob’s despair and the harsh reality of his illness.
o Conflict: Fear and helplessness with his illness and living environment.
o Subtext: Jacob deep-seated fear of losing control.
o Hope/Fear: Hope for a miracle; fear of loss of Jacob’s ability to control himself with his brain tumors.
7. INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
o Scene: Grandma wakes up disturbed, feeling a need to pray for Jacob.
o Scene Arc: Ends with a sleep disturbance, ends with prayer.
o Essence: Show Grandma’s intuition and faith.
o Conflict: Grandma’s fear for Jacob vs. her faith in God’s protection.
o Subtext: There is a spiritual connection between Grandma and Jacob.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Grandma’s prayers will protect Jacob; fear it’s too late.
8. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob tells his parents he won’t give up on school, and she supports him by helping him commute to classes.
o Scene Arc: Starts with mother’s insistence he quit school, ends with her agreeing to support his dreams to graduate.
o Essence: Highlight Jacob’s resolve and family support.
o Conflict: Jacob’s illness vs. his determination to continue schooling.
o Subtext: The family’s underlying fear masked by their support.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jacob can continue his education; fear that his health will deteriorate.
9. INT. SPERM BANK – DAY
o Scene: On his birthday, Jacob goes to a sperm bank before starting chemo but learns he is already sterile.
o Scene Arc: Starts with hope and ends with grief.
o Essence: Show the personal sacrifices of Jacob’s illness.
o Conflict: Jacob’s desire for a future family versus the reality of his condition.
o Subtext: The emotional toll of losing the possibility of biological children.
o Hope/Fear: Hope for preserving his future; fear of irreversible loss.
10. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob loses his ability to walk well, write, play the guitar.
o Scene Arc: Begins with the frustration of not being able to walk well; ends with the grief that he has lost his ability to play the guitar and write.
o Essence: Highlight the physical toll of Jacob’s illness.
o Conflict: Jacob’s identity as a musician and student vs. his physical decline.
o Subtext: Jacob will not get better nor will his dreams be realized.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that with treatment he will recover; fear he will lose his physical abilities permanently.
11. INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
o Scene: Grandma dreams of a boat sailing without her, wakes sad, prays for Jacob’s faith and future success.
o Scene Arc: Starts with sadness, ends with hope.
o Essence: Reflects Grandma’s faith and connection to Jacob’s struggle.
o Conflict: Grandma’s fear that Jacob’s faith will fail and depression set in.
o Subtext: The symbolic connection between Grandma’s dreams and Jacob’s journey.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Grandma’s prayers will help Jacob; fear that he will lose faith.
12. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jacob goes to school wheelchair bound, uses a recorder to tape class notes, throws up into his mask. Instructor indicates he has five classes to pass to graduate and he is hopelessly behind in his homework, advises him to quit with the deadline to drop classes looming. Jacob refuses to quit.
o Scene Arc: Begins with humiliation, ends with determination.
o Essence: Show Jacob’s resilience and determination to succeed.
o Conflict: Jacob’s health vs. his determination to succeed.
o Subtext: Jacob’s inner strength is an answer to prayer.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that he will succeed; fear his health will prevent his graduation.
13. INT. DAWN’S DORM ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Dawn finds out from her mother that Jacob is no longer in Seattle, but in Arizona, at a college close to her, and has cancer. She shares her feelings with her mother, telling her that she feels Jacob was the “one who got away” and vows to visit him.
o Scene Arc: Starts with sadness at the news Jacob has cancer, ends with Dawn’s determination to reconnect with him.
o Essence: Highlight Dawn’s internal struggle and commitment.
o Conflict: Dawn’s past regrets versus her current resolve.
o Subtext: Dawn’s deep feelings for Jacob and her determination to make things right.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Dawn’s support will help Jacob; fear of opening old wounds will discourage Jacob.
14. INT. SNAKES AND LATTES – DAY
o Scene: Dawn reconnects with Jacob after learning about his diagnosis, reigniting her feelings and determination to support him. Dawn apologizes for dumping Jacob in high school and promises to visit again.
o Scene Arc: Starts with Jacob, depressed, pushing homework aside, ends with a renewed connection with Dawn, bringing warmth and hope into Jacob’s life.
o Essence: Re-establish the emotional bond between Jacob and Dawn.
o Conflict: Past relationship conflict and Jacob’s current illness damper a potential relationship.
o Subtext: Jacob is still in love with Dawn, and she with him.
o Hope/Fear: Hope their relationship will flourish; fear that Jacob’s illness will strain it.
15. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob’s father and mother argue Jacob shouldn’t pursue a relationship with Dawn. Jacob’s father tells Jacob they will get through this, but wait until he is better to add another relationship. Jacob reveals he has gained back his strength to walk. He picks up his guitar, is able to play.
o Scene Arc: From conflict with parents to hope of renewed health.
o Essence: Jacob’s mood and health are improving.
o Conflict: Parent’s view of Jacob’s relationship with Dawn vs. Jacob’s desire to date.
o Subtext: Dawn is having a positive influence on Jacob, a reason to live.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jacob will fully recover; fear that the improvement is temporary.
16. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
o Scene: Dr. Morgan shares with Jacob and his parents that he is in remission, but cautions them the cancer could return.
o Scene Arc: Starts with hope for good news and ends with lingering fear.
o Essence: Showcase Jacob’s progress and renewed hope.
o Conflict: Dr. Morgan’s inner conflict with sharing the news due to his belief the cancer will return.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan doesn’t want to give false hope.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jacob remains in remission; fear the cancer will return.
17. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob is up late, studying, with only a slim chance he will finish his assignments and pass his finals. His parents encourage him by planning a celebration cruise and promise to help him go house hunting after graduation.
o Scene Arc: Starts with doubt for success and ends with plans for celebration.
o Essence: Reveal the battle ahead to graduate and parent’s support.
o Conflict: Time/energy needed to complete assignments/pass finals.
o Subtext: Jacob won’t give up, no matter how hard it is.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Jacob finishes his assignments; fear he won’t finish in time to graduate.
18. INT. DAWN’S DORM – DAY
o Scene: Dawn lets her mom know she may not be returning to Seattle after she graduates. She has applied for a teaching position in Tucson, where Jacob will be working at Raytheon. Her mother worries she will be left alone, but supports her decision.
o Scene Arc: Starts with uncertainty and ends with support from mother.
o Essence: Reveal Dawn’s intent to take risks for Jacob.
o Conflict: Dawn’s career and family ties in Seattle versus her desire to be with Jacob.
o Subtext: Depth of Dawn’s feelings and commitment to Jacob.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Dawn’s plan will bring her closer to Jacob; fear of the unknown future.
19. INT. CAFÉ – DAY
o Scene: Jacob dates Dawn, and overcomes his fear of commitment from his fear of his future and their past relationship (asks her to become his girlfriend).
o Scene Arc: From Jacob’s lack of confidence to asking Dawn becoming his girlfriend.
o Essence: Jacob and Dawn’s relationship advances.
o Conflict: Jacob’s fear of rejection.
o Subtext: Dawn wants Jacob to ask her.
o Hope/Fear: Hope they will get together; fear Jacob won’t have the courage to ask.
20. INT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS – DAY
o Scene: Jacob graduates.
o Scene Arc: From concern that he didn’t pass to celebrating.
o Essence: Jacob goes through the graduation ceremony without knowing if he really is graduating.
o Conflict: Concern that the graduation is an exercise only.
o Subtext: The bittersweet nature of celebration given unknow graduation status.
o Hope/Fear: Hope the graduation is real; fear Jacob didn’t pass.
21. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob has a follow-up visit and shares the positives: graduation, offer on a house, cruise plans, job lined up. As Jacob leaves, Dr. Morgan stiffly congratulates him and says he had another patient that got better and graduated. As Jacob closes the door, Dr. Morgan whispers, “but then she died.”
o Scene Arc: From positive news to a foreboding of future ill.
o Essence: Dr. Morgan attempts to give Jacob hope and congratulate his successes but his past history with patients he’s lost clouds his emotions.
o Conflict: Dr. Morgan’s past history prevents him from celebrating patient’s successes.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan doesn’t believe Jacob will live.
o Hope/Fear: Hope for continued health; fear of future scares.
ACT 3
22. INT. PARENT’S KITCHEN – DAY
o Scene: Jacob shares a home lab test, waits for results. They know the cancer is back.
o Scene Arc: From anticipation to terror of results.
o Essence: The cancer has returned.
o Conflict: Cancer is back. What about cruise? Job? Dawn?
o Subtext: Jacob may die.
o Hope/fear: Hope the lab test is wrong; fear Jacob will die.
23. INT. PARENT’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jacob’s mother lets Grandmother know by phone that Jacob’s cancer is back with 5 new brain tumors. He won’t be going on the cruise. Another round of laser surgery and chemo is in the wings with Dawn in attendance. Shares news of Raytheon asking start date to be extended to August. When Grandma hangs up, she falls to her knees and prays.
o Scene Arc: From distressful news to peace with God.
o Essence: Grandmother’s faith remains unwavering in face of bad news.
o Conflict: Cancer News.
o Subtext: Grandma’s faith for Jacob’s total healing is not wavered.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Grandma is right and Jacob will be healed; fear Jacob will die.
24. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Dawn helps Jacob with bouts of nausea/vomiting. She reads the Bible to him, and they are both struck with the verse, “This sickness is not unto death.”
o Scene Arc: From distress of illness to hope in God.
o Essence: Jacob and Dawn are looking to God for hope.
o Conflict: Battle with nausea/vomiting.
o Subtext: God is promising Jacob a future.
o Hope/fear: Hope that Jacob will survive; fear he will die.
25. EXT./INT. WAFFLE HOUSE
o Scene: Dawn argues with Jacob outside the restaurant; wants to take it to go. Jacob insists on going in, says Dawn deserves a meal out. As they hit the threshold of the restaurant, Jacob passes out, Dawn calls 911.
o Scene Arc: From arguing about where to eat, to not eating at all.
o Essence: Dawn has become Jacob’s caregiver.
o Conflict: Physical effect of illness.
o Subtext: Jacob is hiding how ill he is from Dawn.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jacob will survive; fear he will die.
26. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Dr. Morgan shares with Jacob good news: the laser surgery worked and his tumor markers are down. He explains that Jacob will need a risky stem cell therapy if he is to survive. When he leaves, Jacob and Dawn discuss the implications.
o Scene Arc: From good news to decision dilemma – no good choice.
o Essence: Jacob must decide between Raytheon and possible return of cancer or risky stem cell therapy.
o Conflict: Decision between two bad choices.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan believes the cancer will return again.
o Hope/fear: Hope cancer won’t return; fear it will.
27. INT. RAYTHEON H.R. DEPT – DAY
o Scene: The H.R. employees discuss their dilemma – offered employment to too many new graduates. Their brainstorm has them agree to send a few letters out, asking if anyone will wait until October to start and they will give them a $10,000 bonus.
o Scene Arc: From company dilemma to solution.
o Essence: Raytheon is inadvertently providing a solution to Jacob’s dilemma.
o Conflict: Problem of too many new employees.
o Subtext: God is in control.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jacob gets the letter; fear that he won’t be selected.
28. INT. JACOB’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jacob experiences a vision that has impact on his decision (he is to be a light in a dark place.) He decides to go for the stem cell therapy. He accepts his fate and decides to live for God. He picks up his guitar to play, his mood lightened. A letter from Raytheon comes through his mail slot.
o Scene Arc: From indecision to decision to live as a light for God.
o Essence: Jacob will go through stem cell therapy.
o Conflict: Decision to go through stem cell therapy.
o Subtext: God is making a way.
o Hope/fear: Hope stem cell therapy will work; fear it won’t.
29. INT. MEDICAL CLINIC – DAY
o Scene: Jacob shares his vision with Dawn during stem cell harvest procedure. He tells her that he doesn’t know whether he will live or die, but it doesn’t matter. He knows he must live each day for God. He wants to release Dawn to be with someone with a future, but she says she will be there for him.
o Scene Arc: From Jacob testing Dawn’s resolve to be with him.
o Essence: Dawn is committed to Jacob.
o Conflict: Jacob’s desire for Dawn to have a good life vs his desire to be with her.
o Subtext: Jacob and Dawn are in love.
o Hope/fear: Hope the couple stays together; fear Jacob will die.
30. INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING
o Scene: Jacob proposes to Dawn and she accepts.
o Scene Arc: Starts with uncertainty and end with joy.
o Essence: Celebration of the couple’s commitment to each other, despite his prognosis.
o Conflict: Uncertainty if Dawn will accept.
o Subtext: Jacob and Dawn are in love.
o Hope/fear: Hope for a long, happy marriage; fear of cancer reoccurrence.
31. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Stem cell therapy is traumatic, with throwing up, UTI, diarrhea, transfusion. Chaplain arrives, Jacob has him play, “It is well with my soul.”
o Scene Arc: From distress of illness to demonstration of God’s peace.
o Essence: Jacob is giving the light of God’s peace in his dark situation.
o Conflict: Distress of illness.
o Subtext: Jacob has God’s peace.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jacob will continue in God’s peace; fear the illness will overcome him.
ACT 4
32. INT. JACOB’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Dawn berates Jacob for not starting his packing yet, with only two days before their flight to Seattle to get married. Jacob’s response is to keel over with chest pain, short of breath.
o Scene Arc: From Dawn’s concern about packing to concern for Jacob’s health.
o Essence: Jacob is not well.
o Conflict: Health crisis.
o Subtext: Jacob’s health cannot take the stress of the wedding.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jacob will make the wedding; fear he is dying.
33. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Dr. Morgan shares the news: Jacob’s cancer is back. He has a tumor near his heart which probably caused the pneumothorax. He advises against flying – could mean sudden death. After he leaves, Jacob decides to fly anyway.
o Scene Arc: From bad news to decision to embrace life’s uncertainties.
o Essence: Jacob has the faith and courage to risk his life going against medical advice.
o Conflict: Risk of sudden death.
o Subtext: Jacob trusts God.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jacob is making the right decision; fear he may die.
34. INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – DAY
o Scene: Grandma’s prayer for Jacob’s safety on the flight is interrupted by a call. Jacob made it safely to Seattle.
o Scene Arc: From fervent prayer for safety to Jacob being safe.
o Essence: God honors Grandma’s prayers for Jacob.
o Conflict: Threat of sudden death.
o Subtext: Grandma believes in the power of God to save.
o Hope/fear: Hope God will protect Jacob; fear something bad may happen.
35. INT. WEDDING VENUE – DAY.
o Scene: Jacob and Dawn are married, and instead of singing to each other, sing a praise song to God with the congregation. They do not share the news of Jacob’s return of cancer.
o Scene Arc: From expressing love to each other to love for God.
o Essence: Jacob and Dawn are committed to each other.
o Conflict: Unknown future.
o Subtext: Jacob and Dawn are trusting God for their future.
o Hope/fear: Hope they will have a happy marriage; fear Jacob will die.
36. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob expects another round of chemo. Dr. Morgan tells Jacob there is no hope, and give him prescription for oral chemo to help slow the cancer. He gives Jacob a prognosis of 6 months to live. He reveals that none of his patients with Jacob’s history has survived.
o Scene Arc: From hope of further treatment to no hope.
o Essence: Jacob is given a prognosis of 6 months to live.
o Conflict: Death sentence.
o Subtext: Jacob has no future.
o Hope/fear: Hope Dr. Morgan is wrong; fear Jacob will die.
37. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
o Scene: Grandma is alone, reading/praying for Jacob’s healing while drinking coffee. A man stops by the table, says “check out I John 5:14. He leaves and she sees that it is a verse saying she has what she has asked for.
o Scene Arc: From desperately praying for Jacob’s health to assurance of his healing.
o Essence: Grandma receives hope from God of Jacob’s healing.
o Conflict: Request for healing.
o Subtext: Jacob will be healed.
o Hope/fear: Hope that God will heal; fear Grandma is reading too much into the encounter.
38. INT. PARENT’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jacob gives his parents the news: lab results show undetectable cancer. They double check results and patient info to assure themselves it is real. They call Grandma and share the results. Jacob assures her that whether this is a brief remission or full healing doesn’t matter. He knows where he is going when he dies and has committed himself to living a life of giving light for God.
o Scene Arc: From good news to Jacob’s statement of live or die, it is all for God’s glory.
o Essence: Jacob’s cancer is undetectable.
o Conflict: Disbelief in good news.
o Subtext: God healed Jacob.
o Hope/fear: Hope that Jacob is truly healed; fear cancer will be back.
39. INT. CHURCH – DAY
o Scene: Jacob leads singing in church worship team, playing the guitar. Dr. Morgan slips in the back door.
o Scene Arc: From joy in the worship time to wondering if Dr. Morgan’s issues will be resolved.
o Essence: Jacob is giving light, a testimony to God’s goodness.
o Conflict: None
o Subtext: Jacob has seen the goodness of God.
o Hope/fear: Hope in continued health. No fear.

[Margaret]

Margaret Has finished Act 4!
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: Writing the first draft at 30% gives incredible freedom to keep going and finish, knowing I will be back to make it better.
How it is going for me: Woohoo! Draft 1 in the bag!!

[Margaret]

Margaret Continues Act 4
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: The excitement of being so close to the end made me skip details (like descriptions) I normally would have taken the time to write.
How is it going for me: Getting ready to sing a victory song tomorrow when I finish the first draft!

[Margaret]

Margaret Started Act 4
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: High-speed writing has become easy! I didn’t get distracted once today – just kept moving on…
How is it going for me: So excited to be on Act 4. I had a hard time imagining being this far a few weeks ago. Currently on page 79.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Finishing Act 3
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: I had left out important scenes in my outline – I needed to add them for the flow.
How is it going for me: I finished Act 3! I am at page 70 – a little short but I’m not worried about it. I need to add description in another draft that will bring the page number up.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Continuing Act 3
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: I was tempted to stray from the outline. After I wrote a scene heading off in a different direction, I realized my error and deleted the scene.
How is it going: Staying true to the outline 🙂 On page 62.

[Margaret]

Margaret Began Act 3
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: I was missing several scenes in the outline that were needed to make it flow better.
How it is going for me: I am on page 57, into Act Three! Today, I was able to write at high speed the whole time without any wordsmithing!

[Margaret]

Margaret Completed Act 2
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: I am getting comfortable with my characters. Writing is flowing easier.
How it is going for me: I finished Act 2 and am at page 50. I had to add several scenes to make it flow easier but I am right on target with the outline.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Continuing Act 2
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: It takes will power to keep from word-smithing!
How is it going for me: I finished 15 scenes and am at page 39. I found myself tempted to word-smith 6x during today’s writing session. I kept count which kept me from falling into temptation. 🙂

[Margaret]

Margaret Began Act 2
My vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: The timer is a great tool. It gets me immediately into high-speed writing and once I am into that groove, I just keep writing.
My experience: I wrote scenes 6-10 using the timer in 2 different sessions. Just moving fast, encouraged by the ticking clock, keeps me from stopping to wordsmith.

[Margaret]

Margaret Finished Act 1!
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: Taking a week off from writing threw me off. I reread what I had previously written and found myself word-smithing.
How it is going: Back in the game with high-speed writing. Finished Act 1 at 24 pages.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Next Act 1 Scenes
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: I have been into the editing of drafts during the BWTV class – forgot what it felt like to just freely write! Nice change!
How it is going: I’ve written 18 pages – well into ACT 1!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Act 1 First draft Part 1
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: Had to keep a mantra going in my head, “Don’t try to fix it”, to keep from wordsmithing.
Insights: I was able to follow high-speed writing rules until I got to a formatting question, “How do I format phone conversations between two people?” I pulled out Riley’s Hollywood Standard to look it up and then realized I pulled myself out of the high-speed writing.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s High Speed Writing Rules
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: Reviewed high speed writing rules. I learned that the high-speed writing was better than my first attempt in the last WIM class, probably because my writing is getting better.
How it went using the rules: I used the high-speed writing rules in a previous WIM class. It definitely makes things go quicker!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s First Scene
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.

What I learned: Having the components in the outline necessary for the script made this a quick write!

How the process went for me: Able to write the first scene quickly – but then realized it really should be the second scene. I’ll write a “first” scene for tomorrow’s assignment. (It won’t change the story, only the previous “first” scene needed more.

[Margaret]

Hello!
I have a faith-based true story called BEYOND THE SHADOW.
Genre: Inspirational Drama
Concept: A terminally ill college student discovers faith and love, defying the odds to pursue his dreams and embrace the uncertainty of life.

If you would like to exchange, please send an email to : silebi@hotmail.com.

Thank you! Margaret

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: ChatGPT cannot always be trusted to do a good job.
My outline:
BEYOND THE SHADOW

Genre: Inspirational Drama
Concept: A terminally ill college student discovers faith and love, defying the odds to pursue his dreams and embrace the uncertainty of life.
Outline:
ACT 1
Scene 1
INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Grandma wakes up in a cold sweat from a traumatic nightmare where a bear’s shadow falls on a sleeping baby. The bear attacks the baby three times but she and the baby’s mother fight to keep the baby safe. On the third attack, she cries out to heaven, and help arrives, driving the bear away.
• Beginning (Mystery): Grandma wakes up in a cold sweat from a traumatic nightmare where a bear’s shadow falls on a sleeping baby.
• Middle (Suspense): The bear attacks the baby three times but she and the baby’s mother fight to keep the baby safe.
• Ending (Surprise): On the third attack, she cries out to heaven, and help arrives, driving the bear away.
Scene 2
EXT. GRANDMA’S DINING ROOM – DAY
Jabin, full of optimism, shares his dreams of graduating, starting a career at Raytheon, and playing with a church band during Christmas dinner with his family, hiding a back pain that plagues him.
• Beginning (Intrigue): Jabin, full of optimism, shares his dreams of graduating, starting a career at Raytheon, and playing with a church band.
• Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): During Christmas dinner, Jabin discreetly takes painkillers, ensuring no one notices.
• Ending (Mystery): Jabin’s optimistic outlook masks his concern over his back pain, suggesting that something more serious is happening beneath his cheerful demeanor.
Scene 3
EXT./INT. CAR – DAY
Jabin experiences acute pain and decides to go to the ER alone. He calls his parents en route and reassures them he is ok.
• Beginning (Suspense): Jabin experiences acute pain and decides to go to the ER alone.
• Middle (Misinterpretation): Jabin covers his fear and loneliness by making light of his pain, attributing it to a strained muscle.
• Ending (Uncertainty): Jabin’s reassurance leaves a lingering question: Is it just a strained muscle or something more serious?
INCITING INCIDENT
Scene 4
INT. ER – DAY
Jabin receives a terminal cancer diagnosis from Dr. Morgan, with tumors found throughout his body. Dr. Morgan tells him to give up dreams of graduating and focus on getting well, but gives him hope that with today’s advances in medicine he can kick this.
• Beginning (Suspense): Jabin anxiously waits for a diagnosis.
• Middle (Major Twist): Dr. Morgan delivers the terminal cancer diagnosis, telling Jabin to give up his dreams.
• Ending (Uncertainty): Dr. Morgan gives a slight hope with medical advances, but the fear of impossible dreams looms large.
Scene 5
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Dr. Morgan is on the phone with a colleague talking about Jabin. The conversation only partially heard, leaving the audience aware that Dr. Morgan is not as confident that Jabin’s cancer can be cured as he confidently asserts.
• Beginning (Superior Position): The audience hears Dr. Morgan’s doubts about curing Jabin’s cancer.
• Middle (Intrigue): Dr. Morgan discusses Jabin’s case, revealing his true concerns.
• Ending (Suspense): Dr. Morgan decides to treat until the patient/family come to the revelation that there is no hope, leaving the audience anxious about Jabin’s future.
ACT 2
Scene 6
INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
Jabin moves into a cancer house with his parents, feeling hopeless and stating, “So this is where I die…” Another cancer patient with brain tumors has disturbing behaviors, frightening Jabin with potential glimpses of his future.
• Beginning (Uncomfortable Moment): Jabin moves into the cancer house and expresses his hopelessness.
• Middle (Suspense): Another cancer patient’s disturbing behaviors frighten Jabin.
• Ending (Intrigue): The unsettling environment heightens Jabin’s fear of losing control in the future.
Scene 7
INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Grandma wakes up disturbed, feeling a need to pray for Jabin.
• Beginning (Intrigue): Grandma wakes up disturbed.
• Middle (Mystery): She feels an urgent need to pray for Jabin.
• Ending (Uncertainty): Grandma prays fervently, hoping her prayers will protect Jabin.
Scene 8
INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
Jabin tells his parents he won’t give up on school, and they support him by helping him commute to classes.
• Beginning (Suspense): Jabin’s mother insists he quit school.
• Middle (Character Changes Radically): Jabin’s determination and resolve convince his parents to support his dream of graduating.
• Ending (Uncertainty): The family agrees to support Jabin’s education, hoping he can continue despite his health.
Scene 9
INT. SPERM BANK – DAY
On his birthday, Jabin goes to a sperm bank before starting chemo but learns he is already sterile.
• Beginning (Uncertainty): Jabin visits the sperm bank with hopes of preserving his future.
• Middle (Major Twist): Jabin learns he is already sterile.
• Ending (Uncomfortable Moment): Jabin’s grief and sense of loss are palpable.
Scene 10
INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
Jabin loses his ability to walk well, write, and play the guitar.
• Beginning (Suspense): Jabin struggles with walking.
• Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): He grapples with the frustration of not being able to write and play the guitar.
• Ending (Uncertainty): Jabin’s grief intensifies as he realizes he may never regain his abilities.
Scene 11
INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Grandma dreams of a boat sailing without her, wakes sad, and prays for Jabin’s faith and future success.
• Beginning (Mystery): Grandma dreams of a boat sailing without her.
• Middle (Suspense): She wakes up sad, feeling the weight of her dream.
• Ending (Uncertainty): Grandma prays fervently, hoping her prayers will help Jabin.
Scene 12
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Jabin goes to school wheelchair-bound, uses a recorder to tape class notes, throws up into his mask. The instructor indicates he has five classes to pass to graduate and he is hopelessly behind in his homework, advising him to quit with the deadline to drop classes looming. Jabin refuses to quit.
• Beginning (Uncomfortable Moment): Jabin’s struggle in class is evident as he throws up into his mask.
• Middle (Suspense): The instructor advises him to quit due to being hopelessly behind.
• Ending (Internal Dilemma): Jabin’s determination to continue despite his health and academic challenges.
Scene 13
INT. BECCA’S DORM ROOM – DAY
Becca finds out from her mother that Jabin is no longer in Seattle, but in Arizona, at a college close to her, and has cancer. She shares her feelings with her mother, telling her that she feels Jabin was the “one who got away” and vows to visit him.
• Beginning (Intrigue): Becca learns about Jabin’s cancer and his move to Arizona.
• Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): She shares her feelings with her mother, expressing her regret and determination.
• Ending (Uncertainty): Becca vows to visit Jabin, hoping to reconnect and support him.
Scene 14
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Becca reconnects with Jabin after learning about his diagnosis, reigniting her feelings and determination to support him. Becca apologizes for dumping Jabin in high school and promises to visit again.
• Beginning (Intrigue): Becca reconnects with Jabin in the hospital.
• Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): She apologizes for their past, reigniting old feelings.
• Ending (Surprise): Becca’s promise to visit again brings warmth and hope to Jabin’s life.
Scene 15
INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
Jabin’s father and mother argue Jabin shouldn’t pursue a relationship with Becca. Jabin’s father tells Jabin they will get through this, but wait until he is better to add another relationship. Jabin reveals he has gained back his strength to walk. He picks up his guitar and is able to play.
• Beginning (Suspense): Jabin’s parents argue about his relationship with Becca.
• Middle (Major Twist): Jabin reveals he has regained his strength to walk.
• Ending (Hope/Fear): Jabin’s ability to play the guitar again gives hope for his recovery.
Scene 16
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Dr. Morgan shares with Jabin and his parents that he is in remission, but cautions them the cancer could return.
• Beginning (Intrigue): Dr. Morgan shares hopeful news of remission.
• Middle (Suspense): He cautions them about the potential return of cancer.
• Ending (Mystery) Will Jabin successfully complete his finals or will his health be compromised?
Scene 17
INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
Jabin is up late, studying, with only a slim chance he will finish his assignments and pass his finals. His parents encourage him by planning a celebration cruise and promise to help him go house hunting after graduation.
• Beginning (Suspense): Jabin sits at his desk, books and papers scattered everywhere, the clock ticking ominously as he works furiously on his assignments, aware of the looming deadlines.
• Middle (Internal Dilemma): Jabin’s parents come into the room, see his struggle, and share their plans for a celebration cruise and house hunting after graduation. Jabin is torn between his fear of not graduating and the hope these plans give him.
• Ending (Uncertainty): Jabin looks at his parents with determination, thanking them for their support but with a lingering look of doubt, knowing the challenge ahead is immense.
Scene 18
INT. BECCA’S DORM – DAY
Becca lets her mom know she may not be returning to Seattle after she graduates. She has applied for a teaching position in Tucson, where Jabin will be working at Raytheon. Her mother worries she will be left alone, but supports her decision.
• Beginning (Intrigue): Becca sits at her desk, a map of Tucson on her computer screen, talking on the phone with her mother, revealing her plans to move.
• Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): Becca’s mother expresses her worry about being alone, causing Becca to feel guilty and conflicted about her decision.
• Ending (Superior Position): Becca’s mother, hiding her sadness, supports Becca’s decision, saying she wants her to follow her heart, while the audience knows the mother’s true feelings of loneliness and worry.
Scene 19
INT. CAFÉ – DAY
Jabin dates Becca, and overcomes his fear of commitment from his fear of his future and their past relationship when he asks her to become his girlfriend.
• Beginning (Mystery): Jabin and Becca sit at a cozy corner table in a bustling café, the atmosphere light yet charged with unspoken emotions.
• Middle (Mislead/Reveal): Jabin struggles with his words, making small talk, as Becca senses his hesitation and misinterprets it as disinterest. Jabin finally gathers his courage and asks her to be his girlfriend, revealing his true feelings.
• Ending (Surprise): Becca, taken aback but delighted, accepts with a radiant smile, turning what seemed like a hesitant outing into a joyful commitment.
Scene 20
INT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS – DAY
Jabin graduates.
• Beginning (Uncertainty): Jabin, dressed in his cap and gown, checks his phone. Tells his parents he has permission to walk but no clear answer as to whether he has completed the graduation requirements.
• Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): As names are called, Jabin’s family screams their support. Jabin walks to receive his diploma, catching the eye of the teacher whose grade he is waiting for, the teacher gives no hint of emotion.
• Ending (Surprise): Jabin sits back at his seat, rechecks his phone. The answer is in, he has met his graduation requirements. The graduation is for real.

Scene 21

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Jabin has a follow-up visit and shares the positives: graduation, offer on a house, cruise plans, job lined up. As Jabin leaves, Dr. Morgan stiffly congratulates him and says he had another patient that got better and graduated. As Jabin closes the door, Dr. Morgan whispers, “but then she died.”
• Beginning (Suspense): Jabin sits in Dr. Morgan’s office, sharing all the good news about his graduation, house offer, cruise plans, and job at Raytheon.
• Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): Dr. Morgan listens with a forced smile, his congratulatory words laced with an undercurrent of doubt and unease.
• Ending (Major Twist): As Jabin leaves the office, Dr. Morgan’s whispered words, “but then she died,” cast a dark shadow over the optimistic future, leaving Jabin and the audience with a sense of foreboding.

ACT 3
Scene 22
INT. PARENT’S KITCHEN – DAY
Jabin shares a home lab test, waiting for the results. They fear the cancer has returned.
• Beginning (Suspense): Jabin anxiously waits for the lab test results with his parents, creating a tense atmosphere in the kitchen.
• Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): The family tries to engage in small talk and mundane activities to distract themselves, but the tension and fear are palpable. Jabin’s mother accidentally drops a plate, shattering the silence and increasing the awkwardness.
• Ending (Major Twist): The test results come in, confirming their worst fear: the cancer is back. The family is devastated, their hopes shattered.
Scene 23
INT. PARENT’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Scene Description: Jabin’s mother informs Grandma via FaceTime that Jabin’s radiology and lab results are back: the cancer has returned and he has five new brain tumors.
• Beginning (More interesting setting): Jabin’s mother sits in the living room, surrounded by family photos and mementos, enhancing the emotional weight of the news she has to share with Grandma.
• Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): Jabin’s mother struggles to hold back tears as she tells Grandma the bad news over the phone, her voice breaking. She tells them Jabin wants them to go on the cruise without him and that Becca will be there during his next rounds of treatment. The silence on the other end of the line amplifies the discomfort and heartbreak.
• Ending (Suspense): After the call, Grandma falls to her knees and prays, her unwavering faith contrasting with the dire situation, leaving us to wonder if her prayers will be answered.
Scene 24
INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
Becca helps Jabin with bouts of nausea and vomiting. They find hope in a Bible verse, “This sickness is not unto death.”
• Beginning (Character changes radically): Becca, usually upbeat and optimistic, is now serious and nurturing as she tends to Jabin during his bouts of nausea, showing her commitment and deep care.
• Middle (Intrigue): Becca reads the Bible to Jabin, and they stumble upon the verse “This sickness is not unto death.” The verse gives them both a glimmer of hope, suggesting that there might be a divine plan at work.
• Ending (Suspense): As Jabin clings to the hope from the Bible verse, they share a tender moment of faith and uncertainty, wondering if this promise will hold true.
Scene 25
EXT./INT. WAFFLE HOUSE – DAY
Becca and Jabin argue outside the restaurant. Jabin insists on going in but Becca wants to take the food “to go”. Jabin wins out, but as they enter, he collapses and Becca calls 911.
• Beginning (Mislead / Reveal): The scene begins with what seems to be a normal argument about where to eat, misleading the audience into thinking it’s a trivial moment.
• Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): Jabin insists on going into the restaurant despite Becca’s protests, creating an awkward and tense moment as they cross the threshold, with Jabin visibly struggling.
• Ending (Major Twist): Just as they enter, Jabin collapses, revealing the severity of his condition and prompting Becca to frantically call 911, turning a seemingly normal outing into a medical emergency.

Scene 26
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Dr. Morgan shares good news – tumor markers are down, but explains the need for risky stem cell therapy. Jabin and Becca discuss the implications.
• Beginning (Suspense): Dr. Morgan enters the room with a serious expression, causing Jabin and Becca to brace for potentially bad news.
• Middle (External Dilemma): Dr. Morgan explains that while his tumor markers are down, Jabin now faces a difficult choice: undergo a risky stem cell therapy or risk the cancer returning. The decision is fraught with potential losses either way.
• Ending (Internal Dilemma): Jabin and Becca discuss the implications of both choices, with Jabin torn between the fear of the therapy’s risks and not being available for this start date at Raytheon and the fear of not doing enough to fight the cancer, leaving them both in a state of emotional turmoil.
Scene 27
INT. RAYTHEON H.R. DEPT – DAY
Raytheon’s HR employees brainstorm a solution to the problem of too many new hires, deciding to offer a $10,000 bonus to those who can delay their start date until the end of October.
• Beginning (More interesting setting): The HR meeting takes place in a sleek, modern conference room, symbolizing the high stakes and corporate environment of Raytheon.
• Middle (Intrigue): The HR team discusses the dilemma of having too many new hires, creating a sense of curiosity about how they will resolve this issue.
• Ending (Surprise): They decide to send letters offering a $10,000 bonus to any new hire willing to delay their start date until October, unknowingly providing a perfect solution for Jabin’s dilemma.
Scene 28
INT. JABIN’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Jabin experiences a vision that impacts his decision. He decides to undergo stem cell therapy and finds a letter from Raytheon.
• Beginning (Mystery): Jabin prays about whether he should go through the stem cell therapy and has a vision: a light coming from a dark place. is deep in thought, reflecting on his vision which remains unclear to the audience, adding an air of mystery to his decision-making process.
• Middle (Internal Dilemma): Jabin searches for a book, finding a picture in the book that is the same as his vision, with the comment about God creating the light. He falls to his knees as he talks to God, knowing God wants him to go through with it and be his light in that dark place.
• Ending (Surprise): As he gets up from his knees, resolved to go through with the stem cell therapy, the letter from Raytheon arrives.

Scene 29
INT. MEDICAL CLINIC – DAY
During the stem cell harvest procedure, Jabin shares his vision with Becca, testing her resolve. Becca reaffirms her commitment to stay by his side.
• Beginning (Uncomfortable Moment): The sterile and intimidating environment of the medical clinic adds to the discomfort as Jabin undergoes the stem cell harvest, with Becca by his side.
• Middle (Character changes radically): Jabin, who had previously been focused on survival, now speaks with a newfound acceptance of his fate and determination to live daily for God and be a light regardless of the days he has left, revealing a significant internal transformation.
• Ending (Suspense): Jabin, testing Becca’s resolve, tells her she should be with someone who has a future, but Becca firmly reaffirms her commitment to stay by his side, leaving their future hanging in the balance.
Scene 30
EXT. RESTAURANT – EVENING
Jabin proposes to Becca and she accepts.
• Beginning (Suspense): The scene opens with Jabin nervously leading Becca to a balcony outside the restaurant, nervously fiddling with a ring box in his other hand, creating anticipation and suspense about his upcoming proposal.
• Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): As Jabin starts his proposal, he stumbles over his words, creating an awkward but heartfelt moment that highlights his vulnerability and the gravity of the situation.
• Ending (Surprise): Becca, teary-eyed, immediately accepts Jabin’s proposal, surprising him and bringing a moment of pure joy and relief, marking a major emotional high point.
Scene 31
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Stem cell therapy is traumatic, with Jabin experiencing severe side effects.
• Beginning (Suspense): Jabin experiences intense side effects, including vomiting and diarrhea. Becca watches helplessly, heightening the emotional discomfort and the severity of his condition, concerned when the nurse says it will get worse.
• Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): The Chaplin arrives. The nurse and Becca help Jabin sit up so he can attend to him. Jabin is very weak, looks like he is dying.
• Ending (Uncertainty): The Chaplin introduces himself, asks if he can play a song for Jabin. Jabin immediately responds, “It is well with my soul.” The Chaplin fiddles with his phone, and the song begins, electrifying those in the room with a sense of peace.
ACT 4
Scene 31
INT. JABIN’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Becca berates Jabin for not starting his packing yet, with only two days before their flight to Seattle to get married. Jabin’s response is to keel over with chest pain, short of breath.
• Beginning (Uncomfortable Moment): Becca’s comes in to find an empty suitcase, berates him for not having packed with flight to wedding venue tomorrow. She expresses concern that he has cold feet.
• Middle (Suspense): Jabin keels over with chest pain, has difficulty breathing.
• End (Cliffhanger): Becca rushes Jabin out of the house to take him to the ER.
.
Scene 32
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Dr. Morgan shares the news: Jabin’s cancer is back. He has a tumor near his heart which probably caused the pneumothorax. He advises against flying – could mean sudden death. After he leaves, Jabin decides to fly anyway.
• Beginning (Reveal): Dr. Morgan reveals that Jabin’s cancer is back and that the tumor near his heart has caused a pneumothorax.
• Middle (External Dilemma): Dr. Morgan states that taking a flight to Seattle could cause sudden death. Jabin learns a major snowstorm makes driving impossible so he either stays and foregoes the wedding or risks flying.
• End (Cliffhanger): Jabin tells Becca he will take the flight and leave the timing of his death in God’s hands.
Scene 33
INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – DAY
Grandma’s prayer for Jabin’s safety on the flight.
• Beginning (Uncertainty): Grandma prays fervently for safety for Jabin on his flight.
• Essence: God honors Grandma’s prayers for Jabin.
• Conflict: Threat of sudden death.

Scene 34
INT. PLANE – DAY
Jabin flies to Seattle.
• Beginning (Uncertainty): Jabin and Becca settle into their seats. Pray.
• Middle (Suspense): The flight takes off. Becca grips Jabin’s hand.
• End (Cliffhanger): The flight attendant asks if Jabin needs anything. He shakes his head “no”, one hand on his chest.
Scene 35
INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – DAY
Grandma receives the news – Jabin made it safely.
• Beginning (Uncertainty): Grandma’s phone rings.
• Middle (Suspense): Jabin’s mother is on the phone; says she has news about the flight.
• End (Surprise): Jabin’s mother reveals Jabin made it safely to Seattle.

Scene 36
INT. WEDDING VENUE – DAY.
Jabin and Becca are married, and instead of singing to each other, sing a praise song to God with the congregation. They do not share the news of Jabin’s return of cancer.
• Beginning (More Interesting Setting): Jabin and Becca face each other in front of the pastor.
• Middle (Mystery): The pastor pronounces them man and wife. They kiss and then the pastor says the wedding is not over. He requests everyone join the bride and groom up front.
• End (Surprise): A piano is brought in. Jabin and Becca lead the group in singing a praise song to God.
Scene 37
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Jabin expects another round of chemo. Dr. Morgan tells Jabin there is no hope, and give him prescription for oral chemo to help slow the cancer. He gives Jabin a prognosis of 6 months to live. He reveals that none of his patients with Jabin’s history has survived.
• Beginning (Suspense): Dr. Morgan says he knows Jabin expects another round of treatments but he can’t prescribe that.
• Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): Jabin is told that there is no longer hope for remission and gives him a prognosis of 6 months to live, but longer if he takes an oral chemo that is meant only to prolong his life, not cure him.
• End (Cliffhanger): Dr. Morgan lets Jabin know that none of his patients with his history have survived.
Scene 38
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Grandma is alone at a table, reading/praying for Jabin’s healing while drinking coffee. A man stops by the table, says “check out I John 5:14. He leaves and she sees that it is a verse saying she has what she has asked for.
• Beginning (Uncertainty): Grandma stops reading her Bible – talks to God – prays for Jabin’s immediate healing, as in the Bible story she was reading.
• Middle (Uncomfortable moment): A stranger walks by Grandma’s table, stops, leans over and says, “Check out 1 John 5:14” then leaves without further explanation.
• End (Surprise): Grandma quickly looks up the verse, which states she has what she has asked for.
Scene 39
INT. PARENT’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Jabin gives his parents the news: lab results show undetectable cancer. They double check results and patient info to assure themselves it is real. Jabin says whether this is a brief remission or full healing doesn’t matter. He knows where he is going when he dies and has committed himself to living a life of giving light for God.
• Beginning (Suspense): Jabin’s mother asked Jabin if he has gotten his recent lab results back. Jabin agrees to look them up while Becca and his family, including Grandma, watch.
• Middle (Reveal): Jabin’s cancer is undetectable. The family double check his name/birth date. Hug, cry.
• End (Cliffhanger): Jabin’s mother questions why he isn’t more emotional. Jabin says whether this is a brief remission or full healing doesn’t matter. He knows where he is going when he dies and has committed himself to living a life of giving light for God.

Scene 40
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Jabin leads singing in church worship team, playing the guitar. Dr. Morgan slips in the back door.
• Beginning (Intrigue): Jabin is with a worship team, leading singing.
• Middle (Reveal): Jabin tells the church he is still in remission.
• End (Surprise): Dr. Morgan slips in the back door of the church and takes a seat.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Scene Requirements
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: A.I. is nice tool, but doesn’t replace the human brain. 🙂
ACT 1
1. INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
o Scene: Grandma wakes up in a cold sweat from a traumatic nightmare where a bear’s shadow falls on a sleeping baby. The bear attacks the baby three times but she and the baby’s mother fight to keep the baby safe. On the third attack, she cries out to heaven, and help arrives, driving the bear away.
o Scene Arc: From Grandma’s fear to seeking divine intervention
o Essence: Establish Grandma’s protective nature and foreshadow danger and divine intervention in Jabin’s life.
o Conflict: Internal distress driven by fear for her grandchild
o Subtext: The nightmare represents what is to come and her need to protect her grandchild through faith in God.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that divine intervention will protect her grandchildren; fear of impending doom for one of her grandchildren.
2. EXT. GRANDMA’S DINING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jabin, full of optimism, shares his dreams of graduating, starting a career, at Raytheon, and playing with a church band during Christmas dinner with his family, hiding a back pain that plagues him.
o Scene Arc: Starts with family expressing joy at Jabin’s future plans, ends with Jabin covering up his pain.
o Essence: Introduce Jabin’s dreams, establish family’s support, and hint at Jabin’s health issue.
o Conflict: Back pain has Jabin discreetly taking pain killers, ensuring no one notices. The audience sees his subtle movements and concern in his eyes.
o Subtext: Jabin’s optimistic outlook masks his concern over his back pain, suggesting that something more serious is happening beneath his cheerful demeanor.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jabin will achieve his dreams: fear that his back pain may be a sign of something serious.
3. EXT./INT. CAR – DAY
o Scene: Jabin experiences acute pain and decides to go to the ER alone. He calls his parents in route and reassures them he is ok.
o Scene Arc: From intense pain to consoling his parents.
o Conflict: Jabin’s physical pain vs. his isolation and fear.
o Subtext: Jabin covers his fear and loneliness with making light of his pain, attributing it to a strained muscle.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Jabin’s pain is due to a minor diagnosis, fear it signifies a major illness.
INCITING INCIDENT:
4. INT. ER – DAY
o Scene: Jabin receives a terminal cancer diagnosis from Dr. Morgan, with tumors found throughout his body. Dr. Morgan tells him to give up dreams of graduating and focus on getting well, but gives him hope that with today’s advances in medicine he can kick this.
o Scene Arc: Starts with waiting for a diagnosis and ends with his world shattering after the terminal diagnosis.
o Essence: Introduce the central conflict by revealing Jabin’s diagnosis and the clash between his dreams and medical reality.
o Conflict: Hope vs. despair and fear.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan’s tells Jabin to give up on his dreams of graduating, but, in reality, Dr. Morgan believes Jabin should give up all his dreams. Dr. Morgan does not believe that medical intervention will work, even though he says there is some hope.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jabin will survive; fear that with tumors in his brain, abdomen, and lungs, his dreams are now impossible.
5. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
o Scene: Dr. Morgan is on the phone with a colleague talking about Jabin. The conversation only partially heard, leaving the audience aware that Dr. Morgan is not as confident that Jabin’s cancer can be cured as he confidently asserts.
o Scene Arc: Starts with Dr. Morgan’s doubts for a cure, ends with his decision to treat until patient/family come to the revelation that there is no hope.
o Essence: Highlight the complexity of Dr. Morgan’s character, the hidden doubts about Jabin’s prognosis, and his belief that he must remain emotionally detached from his patients.
o Conflict: Dr. Morgan’s professional stance vs. his private doubts.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan holds no hope that Jabin will survive.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Dr. Morgan has a plan that will cure Jabin; fear Jabin will die.
ACT 2
6. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jabin moves into a cancer house with his parents, feeling hopeless and stating, “So this is where I die…” Another cancer patient with brain tumors has disturbing behaviors, frightening Jabin with potential glimpses of his future.
o Scene Arc: Starts with resignation and ends with fear.
o Essence: Convey Jabin’s despair and the harsh reality of his illness.
o Conflict: Fear and helplessness with his illness and living environment.
o Subtext: Jabin deep-seated fear of losing control.
o Hope/Fear: Hope for a miracle; fear of loss of Jabin’s ability to control himself with his brain tumors.
7. INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
o Scene: Grandma wakes up disturbed, feeling a need to pray for Jabin.
o Scene Arc: Ends with a sleep disturbance, ends with prayer.
o Essence: Show Grandma’s intuition and faith.
o Conflict: Grandma’s fear for Jabin vs. her faith in God’s protection.
o Subtext: There is a spiritual connection between Grandma and Jabin.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Grandma’s prayers will protect Jabin; fear it’s too late.
8. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jabin tells his parents he won’t give up on school, and she supports him by helping him commute to classes.
o Scene Arc: Starts with mother’s insistence he quit school, ends with her agreeing to support his dreams to graduate.
o Essence: Highlight Jabin’s resolve and family support.
o Conflict: Jabin’s illness vs. his determination to continue schooling.
o Subtext: The family’s underlying fear masked by their support.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jabin can continue his education; fear that his health will deteriorate.
9. INT. SPERM BANK – DAY
o Scene: On his birthday, Jabin goes to a sperm bank before starting chemo but learns he is already sterile.
o Scene Arc: Starts with hope and ends with grief.
o Essence: Show the personal sacrifices of Jabin’s illness.
o Conflict: Jabin’s desire for a future family versus the reality of his condition.
o Subtext: The emotional toll of losing the possibility of biological children.
o Hope/Fear: Hope for preserving his future; fear of irreversible loss.
10. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jabin loses his ability to walk well, write, play the guitar.
o Scene Arc: Begins with the frustration of not being able to walk well; ends with the grief that he has lost his ability to play the guitar and write.
o Essence: Highlight the physical toll of Jabin’s illness.
o Conflict: Jabin’s identity as a musician and student vs. his physical decline.
o Subtext: Jabin will not get better nor will his dreams be realized.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that with treatment he will recover; fear he will lose his physical abilities permanently.
11. INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
o Scene: Grandma dreams of a boat sailing without her, wakes sad, prays for Jabin’s faith and future success.
o Scene Arc: Starts with sadness, ends with hope.
o Essence: Reflects Grandma’s faith and connection to Jabin’s struggle.
o Conflict: Grandma’s fear that Jabin’s faith will fail and depression set in.
o Subtext: The symbolic connection between Grandma’s dreams and Jabin’s journey.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Grandma’s prayers will help Jabin; fear that he will lose faith.
12. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jabin goes to school wheelchair bound, uses a recorder to tape class notes, throws up into his mask. Instructor indicates he has five classes to pass to graduate and he is hopelessly behind in his homework, advises him to quit with the deadline to drop classes looming. Jabin refuses to quit.
o Scene Arc: Begins with humiliation, ends with determination.
o Essence: Show Jabin’s resilience and determination to succeed.
o Conflict: Jabin’s health vs. his determination to succeed.
o Subtext: Jabin’s inner strength is an answer to prayer.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that he will succeed; fear his health will prevent his graduation.
13. INT. BECCA’S DORM ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Becca finds out from her mother that Jabin is no longer in Seattle, but in Arizona, at a college close to her, and has cancer. She shares her feelings with her mother, telling her that she feels Jabin was the “one who got away” and vows to visit him.
o Scene Arc: Starts with sadness at the news Jabin has cancer, ends with Becca’s determination to reconnect with him.
o Essence: Highlight Becca’s internal struggle and commitment.
o Conflict: Becca’s past regrets versus her current resolve.
o Subtext: Becca’s deep feelings for Jabin and her determination to make things right.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Becca’s support will help Jabin; fear of opening old wounds will discourage Jabin.
14. INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
o Scene: Becca reconnects with Jabin after learning about his diagnosis, reigniting her feelings and determination to support him. Becca apologizes for dumping Jabin in high school and promises to visit again.
o Scene Arc: Starts with Jabin, depressed, pushing homework aside, ends with a renewed connection with Becca, bringing warmth and hope into Jabin’s life.
o Essence: Re-establish the emotional bond between Jabin and Becca.
o Conflict: Past relationship conflict and Jabin’s current illness damper a potential relationship.
o Subtext: Jabin is still in love with Becca, and she with him.
o Hope/Fear: Hope their relationship will flourish; fear that Jabin’s illness will strain it.
15. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jabin’s father and mother argue Jabin shouldn’t pursue a relationship with Becca. Jabin’s father tells Jabin they will get through this, but wait until he is better to add another relationship. Jabin reveals he has gained back his strength to walk. He picks up his guitar, is able to play.
o Scene Arc: From conflict with parents to hope of renewed health.
o Essence: Jabin’s mood and health are improving.
o Conflict: Parent’s view of Jabin’s relationship with Becca vs. Jabin’s desire to date.
o Subtext: Becca is having a positive influence on Jabin, a reason to live.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jabin will fully recover; fear that the improvement is temporary.
16. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
o Scene: Dr. Morgan shares with Jabin and his parents that he is in remission, but cautions them the cancer could return.
o Scene Arc: Starts with hope for good news and ends with lingering fear.
o Essence: Showcase Jabin’s progress and renewed hope.
o Conflict: Dr. Morgan’s inner conflict with sharing the news due to his belief the cancer will return.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan doesn’t want to give false hope.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jabin remains in remission; fear the cancer will return.
17. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jabin is up late, studying, with only a slim chance he will finish his assignments and pass his finals. His parents encourage him by planning a celebration cruise and promise to help him go house hunting after graduation.
o Scene Arc: Starts with doubt for success and ends with plans for celebration.
o Essence: Reveal the battle ahead to graduate and parent’s support.
o Conflict: Time/energy needed to complete assignments/pass finals.
o Subtext: Jabin won’t give up, no matter how hard it is.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Jabin finishes his assignments; fear he won’t finish in time to graduate.
18. INT. BECCA’S DORM – DAY
o Scene: Becca lets her mom know she may not be returning to Seattle after she graduates. She has applied for a teaching position in Tucson, where Jabin will be working at Raytheon. Her mother worries she will be left alone, but supports her decision.
o Scene Arc: Starts with uncertainty and ends with support from mother.
o Essence: Reveal Becca’s intent to take risks for Jabin.
o Conflict: Becca’s career and family ties in Seattle versus her desire to be with Jabin.
o Subtext: Depth of Becca’s feelings and commitment to Jabin.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Becca’s plan will bring her closer to Jabin; fear of the unknown future.
19. INT. CAFÉ – DAY
o Scene: Jabin dates Becca, and overcomes his fear of commitment from his fear of his future and their past relationship (asks her to become his girlfriend).
o Scene Arc: From Jabin’s lack of confidence to asking Becca becoming his girlfriend.
o Essence: Jabin and Becca’s relationship advances.
o Conflict: Jabin’s fear of rejection.
o Subtext: Becca wants Jabin to ask her.
o Hope/Fear: Hope they will get together; fear Jabin won’t have the courage to ask.
20. INT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS – DAY
o Scene: Jabin graduates.
o Scene Arc: From concern that he didn’t pass to celebrating.
o Essence: Jabin goes through the graduation ceremony without knowing if he really is graduating.
o Conflict: Concern that the graduation is an exercise only.
o Subtext: The bittersweet nature of celebration given unknow graduation status.
o Hope/Fear: Hope the graduation is real; fear Jabin didn’t pass.
21. EXT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS – DAY
o Scene: Becca graduates.
o Scene Arc: From joy in Becca’s graduation, to joy in Jabin’s graduation.
o Essence: Jabin finds out via phone during Becca’s graduation that he passed his exam. He is able to celebrate Becca’s graduation publicly but can’t run out and share the news with anyone.
o Conflict: News of whether or not Jabin really graduated.
o Subtext: Jabin expresses exuberance at Becca’s graduation which covers the joy he feels at his own news.
o Hope/fear: Hope the news of graduation is positive/fear he didn’t pass.
22. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
o Scene: Jabin has a follow-up visit and shares the positives: graduation, offer on a house, cruise plans, job lined up. As Jabin leaves, Dr. Morgan stiffly congratulates him and says he had another patient that got better and graduated. As Jabin closes the door, Dr. Morgan whispers, “but then she died.”
o Scene Arc: From positive news to a foreboding of future ill.
o Essence: Dr. Morgan attempts to give Jabin hope and congratulate his successes but his past history with patients he’s lost clouds his emotions.
o Conflict: Dr. Morgan’s past history prevents him from celebrating patient’s successes.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan doesn’t believe Jabin will live.
o Hope/Fear: Hope for continued health; fear of future scares.
ACT 3
23. INT. PARENT’S KITCHEN – DAY
o Scene: Jabin shares a home lab test, waits for results. They know the cancer is back.
o Scene Arc: From anticipation to terror of results.
o Essence: The cancer has returned.
o Conflict: Cancer is back. What about cruise? Job? Becca?
o Subtext: Jabin may die.
o Hope/fear: Hope the lab test is wrong; fear Jabin will die.
24. INT. PARENT’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jabin’s mother lets Grandmother know by phone that Jabin’s cancer is back with 5 new brain tumors. He won’t be going on the cruise. Another round of laser surgery and chemo is in the wings with Becca in attendance. Shares news of Raytheon asking start date to be extended to August. When Grandma hangs up, she falls to her knees and prays.
o Scene Arc: From distressful news to peace with God.
o Essence: Grandmother’s faith remains unwavering in face of bad news.
o Conflict: Cancer News.
o Subtext: Grandma’s faith for Jabin’s total healing is not wavered.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Grandma is right and Jabin will be healed; fear Jabin will die.
25. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Becca helps Jabin with bouts of nausea/vomiting. She reads the Bible to him, and they are both struck with the verse, “This sickness is not unto death.”
o Scene Arc: From distress of illness to hope in God.
o Essence: Jabin and Becca are looking to God for hope.
o Conflict: Battle with nausea/vomiting.
o Subtext: God is promising Jabin a future.
o Hope/fear: Hope that Jabin will survive; fear he will die.
26. EXT./INT. WAFFLE HOUSE
o Scene: Becca argues with Jabin outside the restaurant; wants to take it to go. Jabin insists on going in, says Becca deserves a meal out. As they hit the threshold of the restaurant, Jabin passes out, Becca calls 911.
o Scene Arc: From arguing about where to eat, to not eating at all.
o Essence: Becca has become Jabin’s caregiver.
o Conflict: Physical effect of illness.
o Subtext: Jabin is hiding how ill he is from Becca.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jabin will survive; fear he will die.
27. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Dr. Morgan shares with Jabin good news: the laser surgery worked and his tumor markers are down. He explains that Jabin will need a risky stem cell therapy if he is to survive. When he leaves, Jabin and Becca discuss the implications.
o Scene Arc: From good news to decision dilemma – no good choice.
o Essence: Jabin must decide between Raytheon and possible return of cancer or risky stem cell therapy.
o Conflict: Decision between two bad choices.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan believes the cancer will return again.
o Hope/fear: Hope cancer won’t return; fear it will.
28. INT. RAYTHEON H.R. DEPT – DAY
o Scene: The H.R. employees discuss their dilemma – offered employment to too many new graduates. Their brainstorm has them agree to send a few letters out, asking if anyone will wait until October to start and they will give them a $10,000 bonus.
o Scene Arc: From company dilemma to solution.
o Essence: Raytheon is inadvertently providing a solution to Jabin’s dilemma.
o Conflict: Problem of too many new employees.
o Subtext: God is in control.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jabin gets the letter; fear that he won’t be selected.
29. INT. JABIN’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jabin experiences a vision that has impact on his decision (he is to be a light in a dark place.) He decides to go for the stem cell therapy. He accepts his fate and decides to live for God. He picks up his guitar to play, his mood lightened. A letter from Raytheon comes through his mail slot.
o Scene Arc: From indecision to decision to live as a light for God.
o Essence: Jabin will go through stem cell therapy.
o Conflict: Decision to go through stem cell therapy.
o Subtext: God is making a way.
o Hope/fear: Hope stem cell therapy will work; fear it won’t.
30. INT. MEDICAL CLINIC – DAY
o Scene: Jabin shares his vision with Becca during stem cell harvest procedure. He tells her that he doesn’t know whether he will live or die, but it doesn’t matter. He knows he must live each day for God. He wants to release Becca to be with someone with a future, but she says she will be there for him.
o Scene Arc: From Jabin testing Becca’s resolve to be with him.
o Essence: Becca is committed to Jabin.
o Conflict: Jabin’s desire for Becca to have a good life vs his desire to be with her.
o Subtext: Jabin and Becca are in love.
o Hope/fear: Hope the couple stays together; fear Jabin will die.
31. INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING
o Scene: Jabin proposes to Becca and she accepts.
o Scene Arc: Starts with uncertainty and end with joy.
o Essence: Celebration of the couple’s commitment to each other, despite his prognosis.
o Conflict: Uncertainty if Becca will accept.
o Subtext: Jabin and Becca are in love.
o Hope/fear: Hope for a long, happy marriage; fear of cancer reoccurrence.
32. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Stem cell therapy is traumatic, with throwing up, UTI, diarrhea, transfusion. Chaplain arrives, Jabin has him play, “It is well with my soul.”
o Scene Arc: From distress of illness to demonstration of God’s peace.
o Essence: Jabin is giving the light of God’s peace in his dark situation.
o Conflict: Distress of illness.
o Subtext: Jabin has God’s peace.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jabin will continue in God’s peace; fear the illness will overcome him.
ACT 4
33. INT. JABIN’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Becca berates Jabin for not starting his packing yet, with only two days before their flight to Seattle to get married. Jabin’s response is to keel over with chest pain, short of breath.
o Scene Arc: From Becca’s concern about packing to concern for Jabin’s health.
o Essence: Jabin is not well.
o Conflict: Health crisis.
o Subtext: Jabin’s health cannot take the stress of the wedding.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jabin will make the wedding; fear he is dying.
34. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Dr. Morgan shares the news: Jabin’s cancer is back. He has a tumor near his heart which probably caused the pneumothorax. He advises against flying – could mean sudden death. After he leaves, Jabin decides to fly anyway.
o Scene Arc: From bad news to decision to embrace life’s uncertainties.
o Essence: Jabin has the faith and courage to risk his life going against medical advice.
o Conflict: Risk of sudden death.
o Subtext: Jabin trusts God.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jabin is making the right decision; fear he may die.
35. INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – DAY
o Scene: Grandma’s prayer for Jabin’s safety on the flight is interrupted by a call. Jabin made it safely to Seattle.
o Scene Arc: From fervent prayer for safety to Jabin being safe.
o Essence: God honors Grandma’s prayers for Jabin.
o Conflict: Threat of sudden death.
o Subtext: Grandma believes in the power of God to save.
o Hope/fear: Hope God will protect Jabin; fear something bad may happen.
36. INT. WEDDING VENUE – DAY.
o Scene: Jabin and Becca are married, and instead of singing to each other, sing a praise song to God with the congregation. They do not share the news of Jabin’s return of cancer.
o Scene Arc: From expressing love to each other to love for God.
o Essence: Jabin and Becca are committed to each other.
o Conflict: Unknown future.
o Subtext: Jabin and Becca are trusting God for their future.
o Hope/fear: Hope they will have a happy marriage; fear Jabin will die.
37. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
o Scene: Jabin expects another round of chemo. Dr. Morgan tells Jabin there is no hope, and give him prescription for oral chemo to help slow the cancer. He gives Jabin a prognosis of 6 months to live. He reveals that none of his patients with Jabin’s history has survived.
o Scene Arc: From hope of further treatment to no hope.
o Essence: Jabin is given a prognosis of 6 months to live.
o Conflict: Death sentence.
o Subtext: Jabin has no future.
o Hope/fear: Hope Dr. Morgan is wrong; fear Jabin will die.
38. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
o Scene: Grandma is alone, reading/praying for Jabin’s healing while drinking coffee. A man stops by the table, says “check out I John 5:14. He leaves and she sees that it is a verse saying she has what she has asked for.
o Scene Arc: From desperately praying for Jabin’s health to assurance of his healing.
o Essence: Grandma receives hope from God of Jabin’s healing.
o Conflict: Request for healing.
o Subtext: Jabin will be healed.
o Hope/fear: Hope that God will heal; fear Grandma is reading too much into the encounter.
39. INT. PARENT’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jabin gives his parents the news: lab results show undetectable cancer. They double check results and patient info to assure themselves it is real. They call Grandma and share the results. Jabin assures her that whether this is a brief remission or full healing doesn’t matter. He knows where he is going when he dies and has committed himself to living a life of giving light for God.
o Scene Arc: From good news to Jabin’s statement of live or die, it is all for God’s glory.
o Essence: Jabin’s cancer is undetectable.
o Conflict: Disbelief in good news.
o Subtext: God healed Jabin.
o Hope/fear: Hope that Jabin is truly healed; fear cancer will be back.
40. INT. CHURCH – DAY
o Scene: Jabin leads singing in church worship team, playing the guitar. Dr. Morgan slips in the back door.
o Scene Arc: From joy in the worship time to wondering if Dr. Morgan’s issues will be resolved.
o Essence: Jabin is giving light, a testimony to God’s goodness.
o Conflict: None
o Subtext: Jabin has seen the goodness of God.
o Hope/fear: Hope in continued health. No fear.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Intriguing Moments:
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: My outline prior to this lesson contained ZERO intrigue. The brainstorming I had to complete enhanced the structure.
Intrigue Moments:
ACT 1:
Secret/Cover up: During Christmas Dinner, Jabin discreetly takes painkillers for his back pain, ensuring no one in his family notices. The audience sees Jabin’s subtle movements and the flash of concern in his eyes, creating a sense of underlying tension. His family’s obliviousness to his pain adds to the emotional weight, suggesting that something more serious is happening beneath his cheerful demeanor.
Secret: Dr. Morgan talks with colleague on the phone, the conversation only partially heard, leaving the audience aware that Dr. Morgan is not as confident that Jabin’s cancer can be cured as he confidently asserts.
ACT 2:
Intrigue – Superior Position: Dr. Morgan’s WOUND is REVEALED – he lost a loved one with aspirations to cancer so he struggles to get emotionally involved with the aspirations of his patients. Jabin is unaware of the history, just sees his Doctor as emotionally detached.
Intrigue – Cover up/Superior position: Becca is already determined to be with Jabin, but she doesn’t let him know. She tells her mom that he is the “one who got away.”
ACT 3:
Secret: Dr. Morgan begins secretly researching alternative treatments and contacting experts worldwide without informing Jabin, fearing to raise his hopes prematurely. The audience sees Dr. Morgan’s late-night research sessions and cryptic phone calls. This covert effort shows his internal conflict and slowly reveals his growing emotional investment in Jabin’s case.

Secret/Coverup: : The HR department offered employment to too many new graduates, causing them to request a start date extension for Jabin, allowing him to undergo treatment. They write Jabin asking for an extension. Jabin receives the letter and accepts, not telling him he has cancer.

ACT 4:
Secret/Coverup: : Jabin and Becca do not tell the wedding guests that his cancer is back so that the celebration isn’t diminished.
Mystery: Jabin’s final lab results show no signs of cancer, and the family cannot explain the sudden remission. The scene is filled with emotional highs, as Jabin, his family, and Becca celebrate the unexpected news. Dr. Morgan’s admission of the mystery adds a layer of spiritual and existential wonder, leaving the audience contemplating the power of faith, love, and the unexplainable in life’s journey.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Emotional Moments
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced
What I learned: A.I. prompt to help with identifying potential emotional moments

Emotional Moments:
Act 1:
1. Grandma SC 1 (Distress) – Grandma’s Nightmare:
o Scene: Grandma wakes up in a cold sweat from a traumatic nightmare where a baby is attacked by a bear three times. On the third attack, she cries out to heaven, and help arrives, driving the bear away.
o Emotion: Distress
o Details: This moment foreshadows the danger and divine intervention in Jabin’s life. It establishes Grandma’s deep fear and foreboding sense of impending doom for Jabin, highlighting her protective nature and faith.
2. Jabin PJ 1 (Surprise) – Christmas Announcement:
o Scene: Jabin, full of optimism, shares his dreams of graduating and starting a career at Raytheon during Christmas dinner with his family.
o Emotion: Surprise
o Details: The family is taken aback by Jabin’s enthusiasm and future plans. The scene showcases Jabin’s optimism and the family’s initial joy and support, contrasted with a slight concern when he mentions back pain.
3. Jabin PJ 2 (Distress) – Emergency Room Alone:
o Scene: Back at his school dormitory, Jabin experiences acute pain and decides to go to the ER alone.
o Emotion: Distress
o Details: The loneliness and fear of being in the ER alone highlight Jabin’s vulnerability and foreshadow the gravity of his condition. It’s a stark contrast to his earlier optimism.
4. Jabin PJ 3 (Reveal/Distress) – Terminal Diagnosis:
o Scene: Jabin receives a terminal cancer diagnosis from Dr. Morgan, with tumors found throughout his body.
o Emotion: Distress
o Details: This is a pivotal moment where Jabin’s world shatters. His dreams and plans are thrown into uncertainty, initiating his internal battle with despair and fear. The audience feels the weight of the diagnosis alongside Jabin.
Act 2:
1. Jabin PJ 4 (Distress) – Moved to Cancer House:
o Scene: Jabin moves into a cancer house, feeling hopeless and stating, “So this is where I die…”
o Emotion: Distress
o Details: The stark reality of his new living situation and the terror of another patient’s behavior at night create an atmosphere of fear and helplessness.
2. Jabin PJ 5 (Courage) – Refusing to Quit School:
o Scene: Jabin tells his parents he won’t give up on school, and they support him by helping him commute to classes.
o Emotion: Courage
o Details: Jabin’s determination to continue his education despite his illness inspires his parents to rally around him, showcasing their support and his resolve.
3. Jabin PJ 6 (Reveal/Distress) – Sterility Discovery:
o Scene: On his birthday, Jabin goes to a sperm bank before starting chemo but learns he is already sterile.
o Emotion: Distress
o Details: This discovery adds another layer of loss and grief for Jabin, highlighting the personal sacrifices and the cruel impact of his illness on his future.
4. Becca TCJ 1 (Bonding) – Reconnecting with Becca:
o Scene: Becca reconnects with Jabin after learning about his diagnosis, reigniting her feelings and determination to support him.
o Emotion: Bonding
o Details: Their reunion brings warmth and hope into Jabin’s life, providing emotional support and deepening their relationship.
Act 3:
1. Jabin PJ 12 (Reveal/Distress) – Cancer Resurgence:
o Scene: Jabin’s cancer resurges with five active brain tumors. He cancels his cruise plans and undergoes more treatments.
o Emotion: Distress
o Details: The return of cancer tests Jabin’s resolve and deepens his internal conflict. Becca’s support is crucial, showing her commitment and their strengthened bond.
2. Dr. Morgan AJ 3 (Sacrifice) – Exploring Alternative Treatments:
o Scene: Dr. Morgan explores alternative treatments, including a risky stem cell therapy.
o Emotion: Sacrifice
o Details: Dr. Morgan’s willingness to push the boundaries of traditional medicine highlights his growing belief in Jabin’s fight and introduces a moral dilemma about giving hope.
3. Jabin PJ 13 (Emotional Dilemma) – Career vs. Health:
o Scene: Jabin must choose between starting his job at Raytheon and undergoing stem cell therapy.
o Emotion: Emotional Dilemma
o Details: This decision forces Jabin to weigh his career aspirations against his health, symbolizing the difficult choices faced by those with serious illnesses.
4. Jabin PJ 15 (Love) – Proposing to Becca:
o Scene: Jabin proposes to Becca, facing his fear of commitment and seeking her parents’ permission.
o Emotion: Love
o Details: Jabin’s proposal is a profound act of love and courage, solidifying his relationship with Becca and showcasing his hope for a future together despite his uncertain prognosis.
Act 4:
1. Jabin PJ 18 (Reveal/Distress) – Cancer Returns Before Wedding:
o Scene: Two days before his wedding, Jabin’s cancer returns, and he’s diagnosed with a pneumothorax and a tumor near his heart.
o Emotion: Distress
o Details: This crisis just before the wedding heightens the emotional stakes and tests Jabin and Becca’s commitment to each other.
2. Jabin PJ 19 (Emotional Dilemma/Courage) – Choosing to Attend the Wedding:
o Scene: Despite Dr. Morgan’s advice against flying, Jabin decides to trust God and go to his wedding.
o Emotion: Emotional Dilemma/Courage
o Details: Jabin’s decision to attend his wedding despite the risks showcases his unwavering faith and courage, emphasizing the theme of embracing life’s uncertainties.
3. Becca TCJ 5 (Courage) – Facing Uncertain Future:
o Scene: Becca fully commits to Jabin despite his worsening condition, demonstrating her strength and love.
o Emotion: Courage
o Details: Becca’s courage in the face of their uncertain future underscores her deep love for Jabin and her resilience.
4. Jabin PJ 21 (Reveal/Surprise/Winning) – Cancer-Free Diagnosis:
o Scene: Jabin’s lab results show undetectable HCG, and MRI and PET scans confirm no tumors.
o Emotion: Surprise/Winning
o Details: This unexpected victory brings immense joy and relief, validating Jabin’s faith and perseverance. It serves as the climax of his transformational journey.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Reveals!
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: I had written in potentional reveals into my basic outline but never identified them.
Beat sheet:
Basic Beat Sheet:
Grandma SC 1 (Support Character): Jabin’s grandmother has a traumatic nightmare about a baby being attacked three times. On the 3rd attack, she cried out to heaven and help arrived, driving the bear away, symbolizing impending danger and divine intervention.
Jabin PJ 1: Jabin shares his dreams to graduate and start a career at Raytheon with the family at Christmas. Talks about finding a church he can play the guitar at again. He is optimistic and focused on his future. He complains of back pain but no one is overly concerned.
Jabin PJ 2: Back at the school dormitory, Jabin experiences acute pain. Heads to the ER alone.
Jabin PJ 3: Inciting Incident/ TP 1, REVEAL: Jabin receives a terminal cancer diagnosis (Testicular Carcinoma) from Dr. Morgan, throwing his future into uncertainty, with a life-and-death struggle, and starting his internal battle with despair and fear.
Dr. Morgan AJ 1: Dr. Morgan delivers Jabin’s terminal diagnosis, stating he has tumors throughout his body, in his brain, abdomen, and lungs. initiating the central conflict between his medical realism and Jabin’s aspirations by telling him to give up his dreams for graduating and focus on getting well.
Act 2: Jabin continues with school despite his illness, goes into remission, and rekindles a relationship with Becca.
Jabin PJ 4: Jabin is moved to a cancer house, and has no hope for life stating, “So this is where I die…” Night is filled with terror at another brain tumor patient pacing the halls, trying the doors…
Grandma SC 2: Grandma prays for Jabin all night.
Jabin PJ 5: Jabin tells his parents he will not give up school. They support him by joining him at the cancer house and transport him to classes.
Jabin PJ 6, REVEAL: Jabin’s birthday, goes to sperm bank before chemo but finds he is already sterile.
Jabin PJ 7: Jabin has laser surgery and chemo. He has a reality check as he loses his ability to walk, write and play the guitar. His parents see his failing health, try to encourage him but are devastated.
Jabin PJ 8: Jabin is depressed, throws up in class, has teachers tell him he might not make it. He has to decide if he will pass 5 classes with missed attendance and backed up on homework due. Date to decide whether to drop or go forward. He doesn’t drop classes.
Grandma SC 3: Dreams a boat sailed without her, feeling sad. Woke up praying that Jabin’s faith would be strengthened, that he would graduate, have a ministry with his guitar once again.
Becca TC (Triangle Character) J1: Becca reconnects with Jabin (high school sweetheart) when she learns about his terminal diagnosis, reigniting her feelings and determination to support him. She is in AZ at a different college, they originally met in Seattle.
Jabin PJ 9, REVEAL: Jabin’s labs show remission. He struggles to finish his graduation classes and plans a celebration cruise with parents and begins house hunting in Tucson.
Becca TCJ2: Becca applies for a job in Tucson, where Jabin’s new job will be, even though there is no relationship commitment and her family is in Seattle.
Jabin PJ 10: Jabin dates Becca, and overcomes his fear of commitment from his fear of his future and their past relationship (asks her to become his girlfriend).
Jabin PJ 11: Jabin puts an offer on a house, plans to start working at Raytheon.
Dr. Morgan AJ 2: As Jabin goes into remission and graduates, Dr. Morgan begins to see the impact of Jabin’s determination and starts to question his own approach. (His mentor told him he must be detached in medicine.)
Dr. Morgan Ant REVEAL: Dr. Morgan has lost a loved one with aspirations to cancer so he struggles to get emotionally involved with the aspirations of his patients.
Midpoint: The cancer resurges, testing Jabin’s resolve and his relationship with Becca as he embraces the uncertainty of his future.
Jabin PJ 12, REVEAL: Jabin’s cancer is back, with 5 active brain tumors. Cruise is cancelled for him, plans to redo laser surgery and chemo while his parents cruise without him. His depression is held at bay by Becca’s support.
Becca TCJ 3: Becca stays with Jabin to support him during chemo, demonstrating her commitment to him, even when he passes out at the waffle house.
Dr. Morgan AJ 3: Dr. Morgan explores alternative treatments, pushing the boundaries of traditional medicine and showing a shift towards supporting Jabin’s personal journey. He must balance treatment options with the risk of giving Jabin false hope. He proposes the risky stem cell therapy, which would take 3 months if cancer recedes with current treatments.
Jabin PJ 13: As Jabin goes into remission, he is faced with a decision. Jabin must choose between his career aspirations (job at Raytheon) and his health, knowing that either choice could lead to significant loss, both his job and new house.
REVEAL Corporate Conflict: The HR department offered employment to too many new graduates, causing them to request a start date extension for Jabin, allowing him to undergo treatment (Corporate unaware of Jabin’s cancer).
Jabin PJ 14: Jabin experiences a vision that has impact on his decision (he is to be a light in a dark place.) He decides to go for the stem cell therapy. He accepts his fate and decides to live for God. Just before stem cell therapy, he has COVID.
Jabin Reveal: Jabin picks up the guitar again and is able to play and his mood lifts.
Jabin PJ 15: Jabin proposes to Becca, and faces his fear of seeking her parent’s permission
Becca TCJ 4: Becca must choose between the fear of losing Jabin and the hope of a future together, knowing the pain that either choice could bring. She accepts his proposal.
Becca REVEAL: Becca’s last relationship was not healthy, and she has self-esteem issues as a result of this.
Act 3: Jabin plans a wedding, has stem cell replacement therapy, starts work at Raytheon, moves into his new house.
Jabin PJ 17: Stem cell therapy is traumatic, with throwing up, UTI, diarrhea, transfusion. Chaplain arrives, Jabin has him play, “It is well with my soul.”
Jabin PJ 18, REVEAL: Two days before his wedding with Becca, the cancer returns. At the ER he is diagnosed with a pneumothorax, and tumor close to his heart.
Dr. Morgan AJ 4: Dr. Morgan advises that Jabin not go to his wedding in Seattle, that a flight might kill him.
Jabin PJ 19: Jabin decides to trust God with his life and goes to the wedding.
Becca TCJ 5: As Jabin’s cancer returns just before their wedding, Becca confronts the reality of their uncertain future and must find the strength to commit fully.
Act 4: Jabin marries Becca, starts oral chemotherapy.
Becca TC 6: Becca marries Jabin, embracing the uncertainty and cherishing their love. Her unwavering faith and support symbolize the power of love and resilience. They sing about the goodness of God at the wedding.
Dr. Morgan AJ 5: Dr. Morgan faces his own professional burnout and the emotional toll of seeing Jabin’s recurring struggles, leading to a personal crisis about his role as a doctor. He decides to tell Jabin there is no hope, and give him prescription for oral chemo. He gives Jabin a sentence of 6 mo.
Dr. Morgan Ant. Reveal: Not one of Dr. Morgan’s patients with Jabin’s history that was prescribed the oral chemotherapy has survived.
Jabin PJ 20: Jabin embraces each day with gratitude
Grandma SC 4: Grandma on a cruise, praying. Man stops by and says check out a certain verse, giving her hope.
Jabin PJ 21, REVEAL: Jabin’s lab shows undetectable HCG. MRI and PET scan confirm no tumors.
Dr. Morgan AJ 6: Dr. Morgan comes to celebrate Jabin’s life and achievements, recognizing the value of faith and personal aspirations in the healing process.
Jabin PJ 22: Jabin joins a church band.
Becca TC 7, REVEAL: Becca has a positive pregnancy test, symbolizing new life and hope.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Character Action Tracks!
My Vision: To write profound faith-based scripts that are produced.
What I learned: This assignment was easy because I am writing based on a true story with real characters I know well. It was easy for me to delineate their actions.
Beat sheet:
Grandma SC 1 (Support Character): Jabin’s grandmother has a traumatic nightmare about a baby being attacked three times. On the 3rd attack, she cried out to heaven and help arrived, driving the bear away, symbolizing impending danger and divine intervention.
Jabin PJ 1: Jabin shares his dreams to graduate and start a career at Raytheon with the family at Christmas. Talks about finding a church he can play the guitar at again. He is optimistic and focused on his future. He complains of back pain but no one is overly concerned.
Jabin PJ 2: Back at the school dormitory, Jabin experiences acute pain. Heads to the ER alone.
Jabin PJ 3: Inciting Incident/ TP 1: Jabin receives a terminal cancer diagnosis (Testicular Carcinoma) from Dr. Morgan, throwing his future into uncertainty, with a life-and-death struggle, and starting his internal battle with despair and fear.
Dr. Morgan AJ 1: Dr. Morgan delivers Jabin’s terminal diagnosis, stating he has tumors throughout his body, in his brain, abdomen, and lungs. initiating the central conflict between his medical realism and Jabin’s aspirations by telling him to give up his dreams for graduating and focus on getting well.
Act 2: Jabin continues with school despite his illness, goes into remission, and rekindles a relationship with Becca.
Jabin PJ 4: Jabin is moved to a cancer house, and has no hope for life stating, “So this is where I die…” Night is filled with terror at another brain tumor patient pacing the halls, trying the doors…
Grandma SC 2: Grandma prays for Jabin all night.
Jabin PJ 5: Jabin tells his parents he will not give up school. They support him by joining him at the cancer house and transport him to classes.
Jabin PJ 6: Jabin’s birthday, goes to sperm bank before chemo but finds he is already sterile.
Jabin PJ 7: Jabin has laser surgery and chemo. He has a reality check as he loses his ability to walk, write and play the guitar. His parents see his failing health, try to encourage him but are devastated.
Jabin PJ 8: Jabin is depressed, throws up in class, has teachers tell him he might not make it. He has to decide if he will pass 5 classes with missed attendance and backed up on homework due. Date to decide whether to drop or go forward. He doesn’t drop classes.
Grandma SC 3: Dreams a boat sailed without her, feeling sad. Woke up praying that Jabin’s faith would be strengthened, that he would graduate, have a ministry with his guitar once again.
Becca TC (Triangle Character) J1: Becca reconnects with Jabin (high school sweetheart) when she learns about his terminal diagnosis, reigniting her feelings and determination to support him. She is in AZ at a different college, they originally met in Seattle.
Jabin PJ 9: Jabin’s labs show remission. He struggles to finish his graduation classes and plans a celebration cruise with parents and begins house hunting in Tucson.
Becca TCJ2: Becca applies for a job in Tucson, where Jabin’s new job will be, even though there is no relationship commitment and her family is in Seattle.
Jabin PJ 10: Jabin dates Becca, and overcomes his fear of commitment from his fear of his future and their past relationship (asks her to become his girlfriend).
Jabin PJ 11: Jabin puts an offer on a house, plans to start working at Raytheon.
Dr. Morgan AJ 2: As Jabin goes into remission and graduates, Dr. Morgan begins to see the impact of Jabin’s determination and starts to question his own approach. (His mentor told him he must be detached in medicine.)
Dr. Morgan Ant Reveal: Dr. Morgan has lost a loved one with aspirations to cancer so he struggles to get emotionally involved with the aspirations of his patients.
Midpoint: The cancer resurges, testing Jabin’s resolve and his relationship with Becca as he embraces the uncertainty of his future.
Jabin PJ 12: Jabin’s cancer is back, with 5 active brain tumors. Cruise is cancelled for him, plans to redo laser surgery and chemo while his parents cruise without him. His depression is held at bay by Becca’s support.
Becca TCJ 3: Becca stays with Jabin to support him during chemo, demonstrating her commitment to him, even when he passes out at the waffle house.
Dr. Morgan AJ 3: Dr. Morgan explores alternative treatments, pushing the boundaries of traditional medicine and showing a shift towards supporting Jabin’s personal journey. He must balance treatment options with the risk of giving Jabin false hope. He proposes the risky stem cell therapy, which would take 3 months if cancer recedes with current treatments.
Jabin PJ 13: As Jabin goes into remission, he is faced with a decision. Jabin must choose between his career aspirations (job at Raytheon) and his health, knowing that either choice could lead to significant loss, both his job and new house.
Reveal Corporate Conflict: The HR department offered employment to too many new graduates, causing them to request a start date extension for Jabin, allowing him to undergo treatment (Corporate unaware of Jabin’s cancer).
Jabin PJ 14: Jabin experiences a vision that has impact on his decision (he is to be a light in a dark place.) He decides to go for the stem cell therapy. He accepts his fate and decides to live for God. Just before stem cell therapy, he has COVID.
Jabin Reveal: Jabin picks up the guitar again and is able to play and his mood lifts.
Jabin PJ 15: Jabin proposes to Becca, and faces his fear of seeking her parent’s permission
Becca TCJ 4: Becca must choose between the fear of losing Jabin and the hope of a future together, knowing the pain that either choice could bring. She accepts his proposal.
Becca Reveal: Becca’s last relationship was not healthy, and she has self-esteem issues as a result of this.
Act 3: Jabin plans a wedding, has stem cell replacement therapy, starts work at Raytheon, moves into his new house.
Jabin PJ 17: Stem cell therapy is traumatic, with throwing up, UTI, diarrhea, transfusion. Chaplain arrives, Jabin has him play, “It is well with my soul.”
Jabin PJ 18: Two days before his wedding with Becca, the cancer returns. At the ER he is diagnosed with a pneumothorax, and tumor close to his heart.
Dr. Morgan AJ 4: Dr. Morgan advises that Jabin not go to his wedding in Seattle, that a flight might kill him.
Jabin PJ 19: Jabin decides to trust God with his life and goes to the wedding.
Becca TCJ 5: As Jabin’s cancer returns just before their wedding, Becca confronts the reality of their uncertain future and must find the strength to commit fully.
Act 4: Jabin marries Becca, starts oral chemotherapy.
Becca TC 6: Becca marries Jabin, embracing the uncertainty and cherishing their love. Her unwavering faith and support symbolize the power of love and resilience. They sing about the goodness of God at the wedding.
Dr. Morgan AJ 5: Dr. Morgan faces his own professional burnout and the emotional toll of seeing Jabin’s recurring struggles, leading to a personal crisis about his role as a doctor. He decides to tell Jabin there is no hope, and give him prescription for oral chemo. He gives Jabin a sentence of 6 mo.
Dr. Morgan Ant. Reveal: Not one of Dr. Morgan’s patients with Jabin’s history that was prescribed the oral chemotherapy has survived.
Jabin PJ 20: Jabin embraces each day with gratitude
Grandma SC 4: Grandma on a cruise, praying. Man stops by and says check out a certain verse, giving her hope.
Jabin PJ 21: Jabin’s lab shows undetectable HCG. MRI and PET scan confirm no tumors.
Dr. Morgan AJ 6: Dr. Morgan comes to celebrate Jabin’s life and achievements, recognizing the value of faith and personal aspirations in the healing process.
Jabin PJ 22: Jabin joins a church band.
Becca TC 7: Becca has a positive pregnancy test, symbolizing new life and hope.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s New Outline Beats!
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: I had lots of holes! My beat sheet went from 2.5 pages to 3.5 pages!
New Outline Beats:
Basic Beat Sheet:
Grandma SC 1 (Support Character): Jabin’s grandmother has a traumatic nightmare about a baby being attacked three times. On the 3rd attack, she cried out to heaven and help arrived, driving the bear away.
Jabin PJ 1: Jabin is a determined and ambitious college senior, shares his dreams to graduate and start a career at Raytheon with the family at Christmas. Talks about finding a church he can play the guitar at again. He is optimistic and focused on his future. He complains of back pain but no one is overly concerned.
Jabin PJ 2: Back at the school dormitory, Jabin experiences acute pain. Heads to the ER alone, no family or other support.
Jabin PJ 3: Inciting Incident/ TP 1: Jabin receives a terminal cancer diagnosis (Testicular Carcinoma) from Dr. Morgan, throwing his future into uncertainty, with a life-and-death struggle, and starting his internal battle with despair and fear.
Dr. Morgan AJ 1: Dr. Morgan delivers Jabin’s terminal diagnosis, stating he has tumors throughout his body, in his brain, abdomen, and lungs. initiating the central conflict between his medical realism and Jabin’s aspirations by telling him to give up his dreams for graduating and focus on getting well.
Act 2: Jabin continues with school despite his illness, goes into remission, and rekindles a relationship with Becca.
Jabin PJ 4: Jabin is moved to a cancer house, and has no hope for life stating, “So this is where I die…” Night is filled with terror at another brain tumor patient pacing the halls, trying the doors…
Grandma SC 2: Grandma is up all-night praying for Jabin.
Jabin PJ 5: Jabin tells his parents he will not give up school. They support him by joining him at the cancer house and transport him to classes.
Jabin PJ 6: Jabin’s birthday, goes to sperm bank before chemo but finds he is already sterile.
Jabin PJ 7: Jabin has laser surgery and chemo. He has a reality check as he loses his ability to walk, write and play the guitar. His parents see his failing health, try to encourage him but are devastated.
Jabin PJ 8: Jabin is depressed, throws up in class, has teachers tell him he might not make it. He has to decide if he will pass 5 classes with missed attendance and backed up on homework due. Date to decide whether to drop or go forward. He doesn’t drop classes.
Grandma SC 3: Dreams a boat sailed without her, feeling sad. Woke up praying that Jabin’s faith would be strengthened, that he would graduate, have a ministry with his guitar once again.
Becca TC (Triangle Character) J1: Becca reconnects with Jabin (high school sweetheart) when she learns about his terminal diagnosis, reigniting her feelings and determination to support him. She is in AZ at a different college, they originally met in Seattle.
Jabin PJ 9: Jabin’s labs show remission. He struggles to finish his graduation classes and plans a celebration cruise with parents and begins house hunting in Tucson.
Becca TCJ2: Becca applies for a job in Tucson, where Jabin’s new job will be, even though there is no relationship commitment and her family is in Seattle.
Jabin PJ 10: Jabin dates Becca, and overcomes his fear of commitment from his fear of his future and their past relationship (asks her to become his girlfriend).
Dr. Morgan AJ 2: As Jabin goes into remission and graduates, Dr. Morgan begins to see the impact of Jabin’s determination and starts to question his own approach. (His mentor told him he must be detached in medicine.)
Dr. Morgan Ant Reveal: Dr. Morgan has lost a loved one with aspirations to cancer so he struggles to get emotionally involved with the aspirations of his patients.
Midpoint: The cancer resurges, testing Jabin’s resolve and his relationship with Becca as he embraces the uncertainty of his future.
Jabin PJ 11: Jabin puts an offer on a house, plans to start working at Raytheon.
Jabin PJ 12: Jabin’s cancer is back, with 5 active brain tumors. Cruise is cancelled for him, plans to redo laser surgery and chemo while his parents cruise without him. His depression is held at bay by Becca’s support.
Becca TCJ 3: Becca stays with Jabin to support him during chemo, demonstrating her commitment to him, even when he passes out at the waffle house.
Dr. Morgan AJ 3: Dr. Morgan explores alternative treatments, pushing the boundaries of traditional medicine and showing a shift towards supporting Jabin’s personal journey. He must balance treatment options with the risk of giving Jabin false hope. He proposes the risky stem cell therapy, which would take 3 months if cancer recedes with current treatments.
Jabin PJ 13: As Jabin goes into remission, he is faced with a decision. Jabin must choose between his career aspirations (job at Raytheon) and his health, knowing that either choice could lead to significant loss, both his job and new house.
Reveal Corporate Conflict: The HR department offered employment to too many new graduates, causing them to request a start date extension for Jabin, allowing him to undergo treatment (Corporate unaware of Jabin’s cancer).
Jabin PJ 14: Jabin experiences a vision that has impact on his decision (he is to be a light in a dark place.) He decides to go for the stem cell therapy. He accepts his fate and decides to live for God. Just before stem cell therapy, he has COVID.
Jabin Reveal: Jabin picks up the guitar again and is able to play and his mood lifts.
Jabin PJ 15: Jabin proposes to Becca, and faces his fear of seeking her parent’s permission
Becca TCJ 4: Becca must choose between the fear of losing Jabin and the hope of a future together, knowing the pain that either choice could bring. She accepts his proposal.
Becca Reveal: Becca’s last relationship was not healthy, and she has self-esteem issues as a result of this.
Act 3: Jabin plans a wedding, has stem cell replacement therapy, starts work at Raytheon, moves into his new house.
Jabin PJ 17: Stem cell therapy is traumatic, with throwing up, UTI, diarrhea, transfusion. Chaplain arrives, Jabin has him play, “It is well with my soul.”
Jabin PJ 18: Two days before his wedding with Becca, the cancer returns. At the ER he is diagnosed with a pneumothorax, and tumor close to his heart.
Dr. Morgan AJ 4: Dr. Morgan advises that Jabin not go to his wedding in Seattle, that a flight might kill him.
Jabin PJ 19: Jabin decides to trust God with his life and goes to the wedding.
Becca TCJ 5: As Jabin’s cancer returns just before their wedding, Becca confronts the reality of their uncertain future and must find the strength to commit fully.
Act 4: Jabin marries Becca, starts oral chemotherapy.
Becca TC 6: Becca marries Jabin, embracing the uncertainty and cherishing their love. Her unwavering faith and support symbolize the power of love and resilience. They sing about the goodness of God at the wedding.
Dr. Morgan AJ 5: Dr. Morgan faces his own professional burnout and the emotional toll of seeing Jabin’s recurring struggles, leading to a personal crisis about his role as a doctor. He decides to tell Jabin there is no hope, and give him prescription for oral chemo. He gives Jabin a sentence of 6 mo.
Dr. Morgan Ant. Reveal: Not one of Dr. Morgan’s patients with Jabin’s history that was prescribed the oral chemotherapy has survived.
Jabin PJ 20: Jabin embraces each day with gratitude
Grandma SC 4: Grandma on a cruise, praying. Man stops by and says check out a certain verse.
Jabin PJ 21: Jabin’s lab show undetectable HCG. MRI and PET scan confirm no tumors.
Dr. Morgan AJ 6: Dr. Morgan comes to celebrate Jabin’s life and achievements, recognizing the value of faith and personal aspirations in the healing process.
Jabin PJ 22: Jabin joins a church band.
Becca TC 7: Becca has a positive pregnancy test.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1
My Vision: Write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: Found some plot holes that needed work.
Beat sheet Draft 1:
Basic Beat Sheet Draft 1:
Jabin PJ 1: Jabin is a determined and ambitious college senior, shares his dreams to graduate and start a career at Raytheon with the family at Christmas. He is optimistic and focused on his future.
Jabin PJ 2: Inciting Incident/ TP 1: Jabin receives a terminal cancer diagnosis from Dr. Morgan, throwing his future into uncertainty, with a life-and-death struggle, and starting his internal battle with despair and fear.
Dr. Morgan AJ 1: Dr. Morgan delivers Jabin’s terminal diagnosis, initiating the central conflict between his medical realism and Jabin’s aspirations by telling him to give up his dreams for graduating and focus on getting well.
Act 2: Jabin continues with school despite his illness, goes into remission, and rekindles a relationship with Becca.
Jabin PJ 3: Jabin tells his parents he will not give up school. They support him by joining him at the cancer house and transport him to classes.
Jabin PJ 4: Jabin is hospitalized for laser surgery and chemo. He has a reality check as he loses his ability to walk, write and play the guitar.
Becca TC (Triangle Character) J1: Becca reconnects with Jabin when she learns about his terminal diagnosis, reigniting her feelings and determination to support him.
Becca TCJ2: Becca applies for a job in Tucson, where Jabin’s new job will be, even though there is no relationship commitment and her family is in Seattle.
Jabin PJ 5: Jabin’s labs show remission. He struggles to finish his graduation classes and plans a celebration cruise with parents and begins house hunting in Tucson.
Jabin PJ 6: Jabin dates Becca, and overcomes his fear of commitment from his fear of his future and their past relationship (asks her to become his girlfriend).
Dr. Morgan AJ 2: As Jabin goes into remission and graduates, Dr. Morgan begins to see the impact of Jabin’s determination and starts to question his own approach. (His mentor told him he must be detached in medicine.)
Dr. Morgan Ant Reveal: Dr. Morgan has lost a loved one with aspirations to cancer so he struggles to get emotionally involved with the aspirations of his patients.
Midpoint: The cancer resurges, testing Jabin’s resolve and his relationship with Becca as he embraces the uncertainty of his future.
Jabin PJ 7: Jabin’s cancer is back. Cruise is cancelled, plans to redo laser surgery and chemo while his parents cruise without him. His depression is held at bay by Becca’s support.
Becca TCJ 3: Becca stays with Jabin to support him during chemo, demonstrating her commitment to him.
Dr. Morgan AJ 3: When the cancer resurges, Dr. Morgan explores alternative treatments, pushing the boundaries of traditional medicine and showing a shift towards supporting Jabin’s personal journey. He must balance treatment options with the risk of giving Jabin false hope. He proposes the risky stem cell therapy, which would take 3 months.
Jabin PJ 8: As Jabin goes into remission, he is faced with a decision. Jabin must choose between his career aspirations (job at Raytheon) and his health, knowing that either choice could lead to significant loss.
Reveal Corporate Conflict: The HR department offered employment to too many new graduates, causing them to request a start date extension for Jabin, allowing him to undergo treatment (Corporate unaware of Jabin’s cancer).
Jabin PJ 9: Jabin experiences a vision that has impact on his decision (he is to be a light in a dark place.) He decides to go for the stem cell therapy. He accepts his fate and decides to live for God.
Jabin Reveal: Jabin picks up the guitar again and is able to play.
Jabin PJ 10: Jabin proposes to Becca, and faces his fear of seeking her parent’s permission
Becca TCJ 4: Becca must choose between the fear of losing Jabin and the hope of a future together, knowing the pain that either choice could bring. She accepts his proposal.
Becca Reveal: Becca’s last relationship was not healthy, and she has self-esteem issues as a result of this.
Act 3: Jabin plans a wedding, has stem cell replacement therapy, starts work at Raytheon.
Jabin PJ 11: Two days before his wedding with Becca, the cancer returns. At the ER he is diagnosed with a pneumothorax, and tumor close to his heart.
Dr. Morgan AJ 4: Dr. Morgan advises that Jabin not go to his wedding in Seattle, that a flight might kill him.
Jabin PJ 12: Jabin decides to trust God with his life and goes to the wedding.
Becca TCJ 5: As Jabin’s cancer returns just before their wedding, Becca confronts the reality of their uncertain future and must find the strength to commit fully.
Act 4: Jabin marries Becca, starts oral chemotherapy.
Becca TC 6: Becca marries Jabin, embracing the uncertainty and cherishing their love. Her unwavering faith and support symbolize the power of love and resilience.
Dr. Morgan AJ 5: Dr. Morgan faces his own professional burnout and the emotional toll of seeing Jabin’s recurring struggles, leading to a personal crisis about his role as a doctor. He decides to tell Jabin there is no hope, and give him prescription for oral chemo.
Dr. Morgan Ant. Reveal: Not one of Dr. Morgan’s patients with Jabin’s history that was prescribed the oral chemotherapy has survived.
Jabin PJ 13: Jabin marries Becca, starts a new chapter in his life, and embraces each day with gratitude. A miracle happens, and Jabin’s cancer becomes undetectable, symbolizing his journey from despair to hope and his acceptance of life’s uncertainties.
Jabin PJ 14: Jabin joins a church band.
Dr. Morgan AJ 6: Dr. Morgan comes to celebrate Jabin’s life and achievements, recognizing the value of faith and personal aspirations in the healing process.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Deeper Layers!
Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
Protagonist: Jabin
Surface layer: He enjoys playing the guitar.
Deeper Layer: His guitar has been his instrument for emotional release, and he sees his music as his ministry for God.
Major Reveal: Jabin loses his ability to play the guitar when he loses his fine motor skills, and becomes depressed, unable to fight the feelings of doom and uselessness.
Influences Surfaces Story: Jabin struggles with depression.
Hints: Jabin changes when he can’t play, and seems to soar when his fine motor skills return and he can play again.
Changes Reality: The symbol of the guitar alone in the corner is not just a guitar, but how Jabin feels. When he takes the guitar with him to his stem cell therapy it signifies his hope and feelings of usefulness.
Antagonist: Dr. Morgan
Surface layer: An expert in the field of oncology.
Deeper Layer: Not one of his patients with Jabin’s history has survived, and one of the patients that died was someone close to him with future goals that died with them.
Major Reveal: After 3rd return of cancer, he puts Jabin on oral chemo and tells him there is no hope.
Influences Surfaces Story: He remains detached, doesn’t want to get involved in discussing Jabin’s aspirations and plans.
Hints: He tells Jabin to let go of his aspirations and focus on “getting well.” He keeps developing therapies in the hopes of finding the right combo to have a patient survive.
Changes Reality: We have hope that Jabin might survive, when in reality the doctor has no hope for his survival.

Triangle Character: Becca
Surface layer: Becca is a friend who sympathizes with Jabin’s illness.
Deeper Layer: Before reconnecting with Jabin, she spent a year in a traumatic relationship, wishing she had not terminated her relationship with Jabin.
Major Reveal: When Jabin proposes.
Influences Surfaces Story: Becca is eager to do anything to support Jabin.
Hints: She looks for a job near his potential work site in Tucson, even though her family is in Seattle and she has no relationship commitment from Jabin.
Changes Reality: We think she is being nice, when she desperately wants to be Jabin’s significant other after experiencing other relationships.
4-Act Structure:
Beginning: Jabin is a determined and ambitious college senior, planning to graduate and start a career at Raytheon. He is optimistic and focused on his future.
Ant. Beginning: Dr. Morgan is a pragmatic oncologist focused on providing the best possible care for his patients, often at the expense of their personal aspirations.
Inciting Incident/ TP 1: Jabin receives a terminal cancer diagnosis from Dr. Morgan, throwing his future into uncertainty, with a life-and-death struggle, and starting his internal battle with despair and fear.
Ant. TP 1: Dr. Morgan delivers Jabin’s terminal diagnosis, initiating the central conflict between his medical realism and Jabin’s aspirations.
TC (Triangle Character) Beginning: Becca is Jabin’s old high school flame who initially rejected him. She is empathetic, optimistic, and loyal, but carries the emotional wound of her past regret.
TC TP 1: Becca reconnects with Jabin and learns about his terminal diagnosis, reigniting her feelings and determination to support him.
Act 2: Jabin continues with school despite his illness, goes into remission, and rekindles a relationship with Becca.
Unspoken Sacrifice: Becca applies for a job in Tucson, where Jabin’s new job will be, even though there is no relationship commitment and her family is in Seattle.
Losing Talent: As Jabin’s disease progresses, he loses fine motor control and is no longer able to play the guitar.
Ant. Midpoint: As Jabin goes into remission and graduates, Dr. Morgan begins to see the impact of Jabin’s determination and starts to question his own approach. (His mentor told him he must be detached in medicine.)
Reveal Ant. Personal Loss: Dr. Morgan has lost a loved one with aspirations to cancer so he struggles to get emotionally involved with the aspirations of his patients.
Midpoint: The cancer resurges, testing Jabin’s resolve and his relationship with Becca as he embraces the uncertainty of his future.
Corporate Conflict: The HR department offered employment to too many new graduates, causing them to request a start date extension for Jabin, allowing him to undergo treatment (Corporate unaware of Jabin’s cancer).
TC Midpoint: As Jabin goes into remission and they start a relationship, Becca’s faith in his potential strengthens, but the cancer’s resurgence tests their bond.
Ant. TP 2: When the cancer resurges, Dr. Morgan explores alternative treatments, pushing the boundaries of traditional medicine and showing a shift towards supporting Jabin’s personal journey.
Ant. Dilemma: Dr. Morgan must balance his professional dedication to finding effective treatments with the risk of giving Jabin false hope.
TP 2: Jabin faces the dilemma of choosing between a risky therapy to prevent reoccurrence of the cancer, losing his job at Raytheon or start his job without the treatment.
Dilemma: Jabin must choose between his career aspirations and his health, knowing that either choice could lead to significant loss.
Spiritual Quest: Jabin experiences a vision that has impact on his decision (he is to be a light in a dark place.)
Regain Talent: Jabin picks up the guitar again and is able to play.
TC TP 2: Becca stands by Jabin as he faces his health-career dilemma, providing unwavering support and encouraging him to choose life and love.
TC TP Relationship reveal: Becca’s last relationship was not healthy, and she has self-esteem issues as a result of this.
TC Dilemma: Becca must choose between the fear of losing Jabin and the hope of a future together, knowing the pain that either choice could bring.
Act 3: Jabin plans a wedding, has stem cell replacement therapy, starts work at Raytheon.
Turning Point 3: Two days before his wedding with Becca, the cancer returns.
TC Major Conflict: As Jabin’s cancer returns just before their wedding, Becca confronts the reality of their uncertain future and must find the strength to commit fully.
Ant. Major Conflict: Dr. Morgan faces his own professional burnout and the emotional toll of seeing Jabin’s recurring struggles, leading to a personal crisis about his role as a doctor.
Act 4: Jabin marries Becca, starts oral chemotherapy.
Ant. Reveal: Not one of Dr. Morgan’s patients with Jabin’s history that was prescribed the oral chemotherapy has survived.
TC Ending: Becca marries Jabin, embracing the uncertainty and cherishing their love. Her unwavering faith and support are instrumental in Jabin’s miraculous recovery, symbolizing the power of love and resilience.
Act 4 Climax / Major Conflict: Jabin has a pneumothorax, and has a life-threatening decision to make. Should he not marry Becca or take a life-risking flight to his wedding?
Resolution: Jabin marries Becca, starts a new chapter in his life, and embraces each day with gratitude. A miracle happens, and Jabin’s cancer becomes undetectable, symbolizing his journey from despair to hope and his acceptance of life’s uncertainties.
Use of Talent: Jabin joins a church band.
Ant. Ending: Dr. Morgan comes to celebrate Jabin’s life and achievements, recognizing the value of faith and personal aspirations in the healing process.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Character Structure
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced
What I learned: The importance of having a character structure for each of your main characters.
Character Structure for “Beyond the Shadow”
4-Act Structure:
Beginning: Jabin is a determined and ambitious college senior, planning to graduate and start a career at Raytheon. He is optimistic and focused on his future.
Ant. Beginning: Dr. Morgan is a pragmatic oncologist focused on providing the best possible care for his patients, often at the expense of their personal aspirations.
Inciting Incident/ TP 1: Jabin receives a terminal cancer diagnosis from Dr. Morgan, throwing his future into uncertainty, with a life-and-death struggle, and starting his internal battle with despair and fear.
Ant. TP 1: Dr. Morgan delivers Jabin’s terminal diagnosis, initiating the central conflict between his medical realism and Jabin’s aspirations.
TC (Triangle Character) Beginning: Becca is Jabin’s old high school flame who initially rejected him. She is empathetic, optimistic, and loyal, but carries the emotional wound of her past regret.
TC TP 1: Becca reconnects with Jabin and learns about his terminal diagnosis, reigniting her feelings and determination to support him.
Act 2: Jabin continues with school despite his illness, goes into remission, and rekindles a relationship with Becca.
Ant. Midpoint: As Jabin goes into remission and graduates, Dr. Morgan begins to see the impact of Jabin’s determination and starts to question his own approach.
Midpoint: The cancer resurges, testing Jabin’s resolve and his relationship with Becca as he embraces the uncertainty of his future.
TC Midpoint: As Jabin goes into remission and they start a relationship, Becca’s faith in his potential strengthens, but the cancer’s resurgence tests their bond.
Ant. TP 2: When the cancer resurges, Dr. Morgan explores alternative treatments, pushing the boundaries of traditional medicine and showing a shift towards supporting Jabin’s personal journey.
Ant. Dilemma: Dr. Morgan must balance his professional dedication to finding effective treatments with the risk of giving Jabin false hope.
TP 2: Jabin faces the dilemma of choosing between a risky therapy to prevent reoccurrence of the cancer, losing his job at Raytheon or start his job without the treatment.
Dilemma: Jabin must choose between his career aspirations and his health, knowing that either choice could lead to significant loss.
TC TP 2: Becca stands by Jabin as he faces his health-career dilemma, providing unwavering support and encouraging him to choose life and love.
TC Dilemma: Becca must choose between the fear of losing Jabin and the hope of a future together, knowing the pain that either choice could bring.
Act 3: Jabin plans a wedding, has stem cell replacement therapy, starts work at Raytheon.
Turning Point 3: Two days before his wedding with Becca, the cancer returns.
TC Major Conflict: As Jabin’s cancer returns just before their wedding, Becca confronts the reality of their uncertain future and must find the strength to commit fully.
Ant. Major Conflict: Dr. Morgan faces his own professional burnout and the emotional toll of seeing Jabin’s recurring struggles, leading to a personal crisis about his role as a doctor.
Act 4: Jabin marries Becca, starts oral chemotherapy.
TC Ending: Becca marries Jabin, embracing the uncertainty and cherishing their love. Her unwavering faith and support are instrumental in Jabin’s miraculous recovery, symbolizing the power of love and resilience.
Act 4 Climax / Major Conflict: Jabin has a pneumothorax, and has a life-threatening decision to make. Should he not marry Becca or take a life-risking flight to his wedding?
Resolution: Jabin marries Becca, starts a new chapter in his life, and embraces each day with gratitude. A miracle happens, and Jabin’s cancer becomes undetectable, symbolizing his journey from despair to hope and his acceptance of life’s uncertainties.
Ant. Ending: Dr. Morgan comes to celebrate Jabin’s life and achievements, recognizing the value of faith and personal aspirations in the healing process.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Marketing Campaign
What I learned doing this assignment: Discovered my marketing campaign.
Marketing Campaign #1: Can’t Travel
Strategy #1: Great Writing is the key to your success. Elevate your writing to a professional level.
Strategy #14: Select contests that get industry recognition. Some provide feedback, access to producers, and recognition.
Strategy #15: Target Small producers and Indie producers who are looking for new writers and you can get access to.
Strategy #11: Send out quality query letters, which work well with small producers, indie producers and boutique agencies. Main hook, short, interesting.
Other:
Strategy #8: Meet Producers or actors on Linked In, Facebook, and Twitter.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Query Letter Draft One:
What if you were thrust into a world where ancient history repeats itself?

Jack’s life is in shambles after his girlfriend leaves him, accusing him of using the role of religious leader to fleece his followers. His reality takes a dramatic turn when a mysterious seismic event transports him to a strange new world. In this alien land, Jack finds himself cast as a reluctant prophet. Concealing his Earthly origins, he experiences unsettling visions of the historic siege of Masada. Jack realizes that events from Earth’s history are echoing on this world, placing him at the center of a brewing conflict.

Will the tribe believe Jack’s warnings before it is too late?

As Jack grapples with his role, he faces the monumental task of warning the tribe leaders about the impending doom he foresees. His ominous visions of the Masada siege haunt him, and he knows the tribe must prepare for a similar fate. However, Jack’s reluctance to fully engage with his prophetic role and his struggle to gain the tribe’s trust put everyone at risk.

Will Jack’s inaction doom the tribe to repeat a catastrophic history?

Throughout the first season, Jack navigates the complexities of his new life, learning the ways of the tribe and the intricacies of their world. As he becomes more entwined with their fate, Jack must confront his own demons and the weight of his past. The season builds towards an epic confrontation, as the echoes of Masada grow louder and Jack’s leadership is put to the ultimate test, forcing him to take the tribe to a mountain similar to Masada. Will he find the strength to alter the course of history and save the tribe, or will they fall victim to the same tragic end?

If this new take on the story of Masada interests you, I’d be happy to send you the script, ECHOES OF MASADA.

BIO: Margaret Silebi is an optioned screenwriter.

Contact information:
Telephone (541)525-5592
Email: silebimargaret8@gmail.com

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Target Market
What I learned: Resources for finding producers for TV series.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Phone pitch
What I learned: A.I. prompt to help create phone pitches.
• Lead with credibility: Hi, I’m Margaret Silebi and I am an optioned screenwriter.”
• Lead with a great title. I have a 1 hr TV pilot called, “Echoes of Masada”
• Permission to Pitch: “Hi, I’m Margaret Silebi, and I’m wondering if I could run a quick pitch by you?
• What’s the budget range: 5-10 million
• Who do you see in the main roles? Richard Madden or Chris Pratt, who can play the part from broken man to reluctant prophet and leader.
• How many pages is the script? 53
• Who else has seen this? No one
• Why do you think this fits our company? Faith-based TV series
• How does the movie end? Jack realizing that the tribe is headed for mass suicide unless he can rewrite history.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I Learned: Components of a successful Pitch fest.
Hi, I’m Margaret Silebi and I’m and optioned screenwriter. Today I have a 1-hr SCI-FI drama as a pilot for a series called “Echoes of Masada”
It is the story of a man trapped in a parallel universe where Earth’s ancient events are repeating, and he must rewrite history to save a people from repeating Masada’s tragic fate.
Brand: I’m an optioned TV writer who specializes in faith-based stories and enjoys historical dramas.
Genre: 1-hour Sci-Fi Drama
Title: Echoes of Masada
High Concept: Transported to an alien planet, a man relives Masada’s historic siege through echoes, tasked with altering its outcome to save a nation from impending annihilation.
Transformational Journey: Jack begins as a man broken by betrayal and disbelief, thrust into a foreign world where he must evolve into a decisive leader. Over the first season, Jack transitions from a reluctant prophet hiding his Earthly origins to a proactive savior willing to risk everything to prevent history from repeating itself.
Major Story Hook: The mystery of why Earth’s historical events are echoing on this alien planet and the impossible goal of altering a tragic outcome that once seemed inevitable.
Comps: It’s “The Man in the High Castle” meets “Stargate SG-1.” Like “The Man in the High Castle,” our show explores the complexities of historical events in an alternate setting, but unlike it, we combine this with the adventurous, otherworldly elements of “Stargate SG-1,” grounding the narrative in the character’s personal transformation and high-stakes survival.
Why I chose this project:
Why this? “Echoes of Masada” presents a compelling blend of history, science fiction, and profound personal transformation, making it both thought-provoking and highly entertaining.
Why now? In a time when audiences are craving deep, meaningful stories that challenge their perception of history and their place within it, this series offers a unique narrative that resonates with contemporary issues of leadership, faith, and redemption.
Why me? As a faith-based writer that enjoys historical drama, I am uniquely positioned to bring authenticity, depth, and a nuanced perspective to this story, ensuring it captivates and moves its audience.

For Questions:
Budget Range: $5-10 million
Act 1: Jack works with his televangelist father and discovers he has unwittingly assisted his father’s embezzlement scheme. He loses his girlfriend and job over the incident, depressing him to the point of suicide.
Act 2: A seismic event thrusts Jack into a parallel world where Earth’s ancient history is repeating itself. The Orb, a spiritual ball of light, follows him.
Act 3: Jack hides his origins while visions of the ancient Masada siege haunt him. He tries to find a way back to Earth, but the Orb prevents his success.
Act 4: Jack realizes his visions are coming true on this world, but the tribe refuses to accept his warnings. Jack accepts the Orb’s guidance and saves a woman from death.
Act 5: Jack is accepted by the tribe, takes on the role of reluctant prophet, and sees a vision of the mass suicide on Masada. Will he be able to stop history from repeating itself?
Season End: Jack takes the tribe to “Ebba”, like the historic Masada, as history echoes…
“I’m an optioned screenwriter.”

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Query Letter

What I learned: A new prompt to assist with Query letters.

Query:
What if you were thrust into a world where ancient history repeats itself?

Jack’s life is in shambles after his girlfriend leaves him, accusing him of using the role of religious leader to fleece his followers. His reality takes a dramatic turn when a mysterious seismic event transports him to a strange new world. In this alien land, Jack finds himself cast as a reluctant prophet. Concealing his Earthly origins, he experiences unsettling visions of the historic siege of Masada. Jack realizes that events from Earth’s history are echoing on this world, placing him at the center of a brewing conflict.

Will the tribe believe Jack’s warnings before it is too late?

As Jack grapples with his role, he faces the monumental task of warning the tribe leaders about the impending doom he foresees. His ominous visions of the Masada siege haunt him, and he knows the tribe must prepare for a similar fate. However, Jack’s reluctance to fully engage with his prophetic role and his struggle to gain the tribe’s trust put everyone at risk.

Will Jack’s inaction doom the tribe to repeat a catastrophic history?

Throughout the first season, Jack navigates the complexities of his new life, learning the ways of the tribe and the intricacies of their world. As he becomes more entwined with their fate, Jack must confront his own demons and the weight of his past. The season builds towards an epic confrontation, as the echoes of Masada grow louder and Jack’s leadership is put to the ultimate test, forcing him to take the tribe to a mountain similar to Masada. Will he find the strength to alter the course of history and save the tribe, or will they fall victim to the same tragic end?

If this new take on the story of Masada interests you, I’d be happy to send you the script, ECHOES OF MASADA.

BIO: Margaret Silebi is an optioned screenwriter.

Contact information: Telephone (541)525-5592 Email: silebimargaret8@gmail.com

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Query Letter
What I learned: A new prompt to assist with Query letters.
Query:
What if you were thrust into a world where ancient history repeats itself?

Jack’s life is in shambles after his girlfriend leaves him, accusing him of using the role of religious leader to fleece his followers. His reality takes a dramatic turn when a mysterious seismic event transports him to a strange new world. In this alien land, Jack finds himself cast as a reluctant prophet. Concealing his Earthly origins, he experiences unsettling visions of the historic siege of Masada. Jack realizes that events from Earth’s history are echoing on this world, placing him at the center of a brewing conflict.

Will the tribe believe Jack’s warnings before it is too late?

As Jack grapples with his role, he faces the monumental task of warning the tribe leaders about the impending doom he foresees. His ominous visions of the Masada siege haunt him, and he knows the tribe must prepare for a similar fate. However, Jack’s reluctance to fully engage with his prophetic role and his struggle to gain the tribe’s trust put everyone at risk.

Will Jack’s inaction doom the tribe to repeat a catastrophic history?

Throughout the first season, Jack navigates the complexities of his new life, learning the ways of the tribe and the intricacies of their world. As he becomes more entwined with their fate, Jack must confront his own demons and the weight of his past. The season builds towards an epic confrontation, as the echoes of Masada grow louder and Jack’s leadership is put to the ultimate test, forcing him to take the tribe to a mountain similar to Masada. Will he find the strength to alter the course of history and save the tribe, or will they fall victim to the same tragic end?

If this new take on the story of Masada interests you, I’d be happy to send you the script, ECHOES OF MASADA.

BIO: Margaret Silebi is an optioned screenwriter.

Contact information:
Telephone (541)525-5592
Email: silebimargaret8@gmail.com

[Margaret]

Module 3 – Lesson 8
Margaret’s Supporting Characters
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: Discovered my supporting characters and their purpose for this screenplay.
My supporting Characters:
Support 1:
• Name: Aimee Munoz
• Role: Jabin’s Mother
• Main purpose: Coordinate Jabin’s care and finances
• Value: Provides physical support, is a sounding board, and provides advice
Support 2:
• Name: Grandma
• Role: Jabin’s Grandmother
• Main purpose: Spiritual guide for the family
• Value: Prayer warrior and provides spiritual guidance
Support 3:
• Name: Job Munoz
• Role: Jabin’s Father
• Main purpose: Provides emotional and physical support for the family
• Value: A strong support for Jabin

[Margaret]

Margaret’s character Profiles Part 2
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: Necessary characteristics to develop strong characters.
Jabin Munoz
1. Role in the Story:
• Protagonist: Jabin is the primary character with the biggest arc, navigating his journey through terminal illness and personal growth.
2. Age Range and Description:
• Age Range: Early 20s
• Description: A young, college-aged man with a lean build, showing signs of physical weariness from his illness. His eyes, however, reflect determination and warmth.
3. Core Traits:
• Resilient
• Compassionate
• Vulnerable
• Optimistic
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
• Want: To live his life as normally as possible, achieving his dreams despite his illness.
• Need: To come to terms with his mortality and find peace and acceptance within himself.
5. Wound:
• The fear of dying unfulfilled and alone, exacerbated by the trauma of being rejected by his first love.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
• Likability: Jabin perseveres through tough times, continues his education, and shows kindness to others.
• Relatability: He experiences the highs and lows of young love with Becca and faces typical college pressures.
• Empathy: His terminal illness, coupled with moments of intense physical pain and emotional despair, deeply evokes empathy.
7. Character Subtext:
• Jabin pretends to be more optimistic about his treatment outcomes than he actually feels, to keep his loved ones’ spirits high.
8. Character Intrigue:
• Internally, Jabin sees himself as a silent protestor against the unfairness of life, quietly fighting against his illness and societal expectations about what terminal patients should be capable of.
9. Flaw:
• His fear of vulnerability and trust issues, stemming from past rejection, often prevent him from fully opening up to those around him.
10. Values:
• Jabin believes in living life to the fullest, the power of love and friendship, and maintaining hope even in the darkest times.
11. Character Dilemma:
• Jabin struggles between accepting the reality of his terminal illness and fighting it with all his might, creating an internal conflict between resignation and resilience.
________________________________________
Dr. Joel Morgan

1. Role in the Story:
• Protagonist: Jabin is the primary character with the biggest arc, navigating his journey through terminal illness and personal growth.
2. Age Range and Description:
• Age Range: Early 20s
• Description: A young, college-aged man with a lean build, showing signs of physical weariness from his illness. His eyes, however, reflect determination and warmth.
3. Core Traits:
• Resilient
• Compassionate
• Vulnerable
• Optimistic
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
• Want: To live his life as normally as possible, achieving his dreams despite his illness.
• Need: To come to terms with his mortality and find peace and acceptance within himself.
5. Wound:
• The fear of dying unfulfilled and alone, exacerbated by the trauma of being rejected by his first love.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
• Likability: Jabin perseveres through tough times, continues his education, and shows kindness to others.
• Relatability: He experiences the highs and lows of young love with Becca and faces typical college pressures.
• Empathy: His terminal illness, coupled with moments of intense physical pain and emotional despair, deeply evokes empathy.
7. Character Subtext:
• Jabin pretends to be more optimistic about his treatment outcomes than he actually feels, to keep his loved ones’ spirits high.
8. Character Intrigue:
• Internally, Jabin sees himself as a silent protestor against the unfairness of life, quietly fighting against his illness and societal expectations about what terminal patients should be capable of.
9. Flaw:
• His fear of vulnerability and trust issues, stemming from past rejection, often prevent him from fully opening up to those around him.
10. Values:
• Jabin believes in living life to the fullest, the power of love and friendship, and maintaining hope even in the darkest times.
11. Character Dilemma:
• Jabin struggles between accepting the reality of his terminal illness and fighting it with all his might, creating an internal conflict between resignation and resilience.
________________________________________
________________________________________
Becca Nowak
1. Role in the Story:
• Triangle: Connects Jabin and Dr. Morgan, providing emotional support and influencing their decisions.
2. Age Range and Description:
• Age Range: Early 20s
• Description: A vibrant young woman with a determined look, caring eyes, and a compassionate demeanor. Her appearance reflects both strength and vulnerability.
3. Core Traits:
• Supportive
• Empathetic
• Regretful
• Determined
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
• Want: To support Jabin through his illness and be there for him unconditionally.
• Need: To forgive herself for past mistakes and find inner peace.
5. Wound:
• The guilt and regret of abandoning Jabin during high school, fearing she’s not strong enough to endure another loss.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
• Likability: Stays with Jabin during chemo, showing unwavering support and care.
• Relatability: Deals with rekindling a past relationship and the fear of losing a loved one.
• Empathy: Faces regret and guilt from past actions, and the fear and pain of potentially losing Jabin evoke deep empathy.
7. Character Subtext:
• Becca secretly fears that she is not strong enough to endure another loss, which makes her overcompensate by being overly optimistic and supportive.
8. Character Intrigue:
• Internally, Becca views herself as a redeemer, someone on a mission to atone for past mistakes and provide Jabin with the unconditional support she once failed to give.
9. Flaw:
• Her tendency to overcompensate for past mistakes by trying to be overly supportive can sometimes lead her to neglect her own needs and well-being.
10. Values:
• Becca values loyalty, redemption, and the power of love and support in overcoming life’s challenges.
11. Character Dilemma:
• She struggles between wanting to be Jabin’s unwavering support and dealing with her own fears and insecurities about potentially losing him again.

[Margaret]

Module 3: Lesson 6
Margaret’s Character Profiles Part 1
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: I used the lesson components to write my own A.I. prompt.

Jabin Munoz
1. Role in the Story:
• Protagonist: Jabin is the primary character with the biggest arc, navigating his journey through terminal illness and personal growth.
2. Age Range and Description:
• Age Range: Early 20s
• Description: A young, college-aged man with a lean build, showing signs of physical weariness from his illness. His eyes, however, reflect determination and warmth.
3. Core Traits:
• Resilient
• Compassionate
• Vulnerable
• Optimistic
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
• Want: To live his life as normally as possible, achieving his dreams despite his illness.
• Need: To come to terms with his mortality and find peace and acceptance within himself.
5. Wound: What they can’t face:
• The fear of dying unfulfilled and alone, exacerbated by the trauma of being rejected by his first love.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
• Likability: Jabin perseveres through tough times, continues his education, and shows kindness to others.
• Relatability: He experiences the highs and lows of young love with Becca and faces typical college pressures.
• Empathy: His terminal illness, coupled with moments of intense physical pain and emotional despair, deeply evokes empathy.
Dr. Joel Morgan
1. Role in the Story:
• Antagonist: His actions and decisions, driven by his internal struggles, force Jabin to confront his own fears and limitations.
2. Age Range and Description:
• Age Range: Late 40s to early 50s
• Description: A seasoned doctor with a weary but determined demeanor, showing signs of stress and burnout. He has kind eyes and a gentle but firm presence.
3. Core Traits:
• Dedicated
• Compassionate
• Burdened
• Ethical
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
• Want: To save Jabin and prove his worth as a doctor.
• Need: To forgive himself for past failures and accept the limitations of his profession.
5. Wound: What they can’t face:
• The guilt and self-blame from losing a patient in the past under similar circumstances to Jabin’s.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
• Likability: He goes above and beyond for his patients, showing dedication and care.
• Relatability: Faces professional burnout and struggles to balance work and personal life.
• Empathy: Haunted by past failures, Dr. Morgan’s intense pressure and self-doubt evoke strong empathy.
Becca Nowak
1. Role in the Story:
• Triangle: Connects Jabin and Dr. Morgan, providing emotional support and influencing their decisions.
2. Age Range and Description:
• Age Range: Early 20s
• Description: A vibrant young woman with a determined look, caring eyes, and a compassionate demeanor. Her appearance reflects both strength and vulnerability.
3. Core Traits:
• Supportive
• Empathetic
• Regretful
• Determined
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
• Want: To support Jabin through his illness and be there for him unconditionally.
• Need: To forgive herself for past mistakes and find inner peace.
5. Wound: What they can’t face:
• The guilt and regret of abandoning Jabin during high school, fearing she’s not strong enough to endure another loss.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
• Likability: Stays with Jabin during chemo, showing unwavering support and care.
• Relatability: Deals with rekindling a past relationship and the fear of losing a loved one.
• Empathy: Faces regret and guilt from past actions, and the fear and pain of potentially losing Jabin evoke deep empathy.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: I used the lesson definitions to create my own A.I. prompt for Likability/Relatability/Empathy
Jabin Munoz
Likable:
• Actions: Jabin continues to go to school, even though he is sick and throws up in class, showing his perseverance even in hard times.
• Interactions: His friends and family express their admiration and love for him, highlighting his positive qualities and perseverance.
Relatability:
• Universal Experiences: Jabin experiences the ups and downs of falling in love with Becca, rekindling their relationship and dealing with the uncertainties that come with it. He struggles with the typical pressures of college life—worrying about grades, future careers, and financial issues—making him relatable to young adult audiences. His journey of confronting and overcoming personal fears and insecurities is something many people can relate to.
Empathy:
• Distress: Jabin faces the devastating diagnosis of terminal illness, causing the audience to feel deep empathy for his situation. He experiences moments of intense physical pain and emotional despair, such as during a particularly harsh treatment session or when he receives bad news about his prognosis. Jabin has a moment where he breaks down alone, revealing his vulnerability and inner turmoil, which evokes strong empathy from the audience.
Dr. Joel Morgan
Likable:
• Actions: Dr. Morgan stays late at the hospital to ensure all his patients are comfortable, showing dedication and care beyond his professional obligations.
• Interactions: His colleagues and patients speak highly of him, emphasizing his compassionate and committed nature. Dr. Morgan has a moment where he comforts a distraught family member of another patient, showcasing his empathy and human touch.
Relatability:
• Universal Experiences: Dr. Morgan deals with professional burnout and the struggle to balance work with personal life, something many working professionals can relate to. He faces ethical dilemmas and tough decisions, resonating with anyone who has had to make difficult choices in their career. His internal conflict and desire to make a difference, despite feeling overwhelmed, are emotions many can connect with.
Empathy:
• Distress: Dr. Morgan struggles with the guilt of losing a previous patient under similar circumstances to Jabin’s, a haunting memory that creates a deep emotional wound. He faces intense pressure from hospital administration about treatment costs and patient outcomes, putting him in a stressful and compromising position. During a moment of self-reflection, he reveals his feelings of inadequacy and fear of failing Jabin, eliciting empathy from the audience.
Becca Nowak
Likable:
• Actions: Becca stays with Jabin during his chemo, helps when he is weak and throwing up.
• Interactions: Her friends and family highlight her caring and supportive nature, making it clear that she is well-loved and respected.
Relatability:
• Universal Experiences: Becca’s journey of rekindling a past relationship and dealing with unresolved feelings is something many people have experienced. She faces the fear of losing a loved one and the emotional rollercoaster that comes with it, making her highly relatable. Her struggle to balance her own needs and emotions with her desire to support Jabin mirrors the challenges of many caregivers.
Empathy:
• Distress: Becca deals with the regret and guilt of abandoning Jabin during high school, a past mistake that haunts her and drives her actions. She faces the fear and emotional pain of potentially losing Jabin, a constant source of distress and worry. In a poignant moment, Becca breaks down after a particularly tough day, revealing her deep fears and vulnerabilities, which evokes strong empathy from the audience.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Character Intrigue
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced
What I learned: A.I. prompt to assist in discovering possible intrigue layers

Jabin Munoz
Deception: Jabin pretends to be more optimistic about his treatment outcomes than he actually feels, to keep his loved ones’ spirits high.
• Impact: This deception allows him to protect his loved ones from despair but also isolates him emotionally, as he can’t fully share his fears and pain.
Unspoken Wound: The traumatic experience of being rejected by his first love, which contributes to his fear of vulnerability and trust issues, shaping his coping mechanisms.
• Impact: This unspoken wound affects his ability to fully trust and open up to Becca and others, creating internal conflict as he navigates his current relationships.
Secret Identity: Internally, Jabin sees himself as a silent protestor against the unfairness of life, quietly fighting against his illness and societal expectations about what terminal patients should be capable of.
• Impact: This identity fuels his determination and resilience, but also causes frustration and anger as he battles against the limitations imposed by his illness and others’ perceptions of him.
Dr. Joel Morgan
Competition: Dr. Morgan competes with his own sense of failure and burnout, striving to prove that he can still make a difference in his patients’ lives.
• Impact: This internal competition drives his relentless pursuit to save Jabin, sometimes leading him to make controversial or ethically questionable decisions.
Secret: Dr. Morgan carries the secret that he once lost a patient under similar circumstances and has never forgiven himself, which fuels his determination to save Jabin.
• Impact: This secret guilt intensifies his emotional investment in Jabin’s case, blurring the lines between professional duty and personal redemption.
Deception: He misleads Jabin and his family about the severity of Jabin’s condition at times, thinking that it’s better for them to focus on the fight rather than the statistics.
• Impact: This deception can provide hope and motivation for Jabin and his family but risks leading them into false optimism and potentially making uninformed decisions.
Secret Identity: Internally, Dr. Morgan sees himself as a fallen hero, someone who once had unwavering faith in medicine’s power but now grapples with the limitations and failures of his profession.
• Impact: This identity shapes his actions and attitudes, causing internal conflict between his desire to be the savior and his acknowledgment of his own limitations.
Becca Nowak
Competition: She competes with her own past mistakes and regrets, striving to be a better, more supportive person to Jabin than she was before.
• Impact: This internal competition drives her to go above and beyond in her support for Jabin, sometimes at the expense of her own emotional well-being.
Secret: Becca secretly fears that she is not strong enough to endure another loss, which makes her overcompensate by being overly optimistic and supportive.
• Impact: This fear leads her to mask her own vulnerabilities and put on a brave face, creating a disconnect between her true feelings and her outward demeanor.
Unspoken Wound: The regret and guilt from abandoning Jabin during high school haunts her, influencing her decisions to now stand by him unwaveringly.
• Impact: This unspoken wound motivates her loyalty and dedication to Jabin but also burdens her with a sense of atonement, affecting her self-worth and decisions.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Subtext Characters
Vision: To write profound screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: A.I. prompt to assist in discovering character subtext.
Characters:
Character Name: Jabin Munoz, College Senior
Subtext Identity: The Hopeful Skeptic
Subtext Trait: Hiding his doubts about faith and recovery to maintain a brave front for his loved ones.
Subtext Logline: Jabin is a hopeful skeptic who hides his deep fears and doubts about his future to protect and inspire those around him.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
• Hiding something: Jabin hides his moments of despair and skepticism about his faith and recovery.
• Possible Areas of Subtext:
• Hiding something: Jabin hides his moments of despair and skepticism about his faith and recovery.
• Afraid to say: He’s afraid to admit that he sometimes loses hope and questions the point of fighting his illness.
• Secret: Secretly keeps a journal where he pours out his fears and doubts, which he never shows anyone.
• Lying: Lies about feeling stronger or better than he actually does to avoid worrying his loved ones.
• Withholding: Withholds his true feelings of fear and anger to appear strong.
• Being polite: Often uses politeness to deflect deeper conversations about his condition and future.

Character Name: Dr. Joel Morgan, Oncologist
Subtext Identity: The Disillusioned Healer
Subtext Trait: Conceals his burnout and frustration with the medical profession and its limitations.
Subtext Logline: Dr. Morgan is a disillusioned healer who hides his professional burnout and frustration with the limitations of medicine while trying to remain a pillar of strength for his patients.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
• Hiding something: Hides his professional disillusionment and personal burnout.
• Afraid to say: Afraid to admit to himself and others that he sometimes feels powerless to help his patients.
• Secret: Secretly questions whether he’s doing more harm than good by delivering harsh realities.
• Lying: Lies to maintain a façade of confidence and assurance in front of his patients.
• Withholding: Withholds his own emotional struggles and the true severity of some prognoses to avoid further distressing his patients.
• Being polite: Uses clinical detachment and politeness to mask his deeper emotional struggles and to keep professional distance.

Becca Nowak
Subtext Identity: The Redeemed Believer
Subtext Trait: Conceals her lingering guilt and fears about reconnecting with Jabin and their uncertain future.
Subtext Logline: Becca is a redeemed believer who hides her guilt and fears about reconnecting with Jabin and the uncertainty of their future together.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
• Hiding something: Hides her lingering guilt about abandoning Jabin during his earlier struggles.
• Afraid to say: Afraid to express her fears about the future and her own doubts about Jabin’s recovery.
• Secret: Secretly fears that she might not be strong enough to support Jabin through his darkest moments.
• Lying: Lies about how confident she feels in their future to bolster Jabin’s spirits.
• Withholding: Withholds her own emotional vulnerabilities to appear as a strong and unwavering support.
• Being polite: Uses politeness and optimism to mask her own insecurities and to keep the focus on Jabin’s well-being.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Actor Actractors!
My vision: To write profound faith-based scripts that are produced.
What I learned: A.I. prompt to help brainstorm actor attractors.
Actor Attractors:
Protagonist: Jabin Munoz

Known for Role: This role would attract actors who want to portray a deeply human and transformative journey. It offers the opportunity to delve into complex emotions and portray resilience and hope in the face of adversity.
Most Interesting Character: Jabin is compelling because he undergoes a profound internal transformation while battling a terminal illness. His journey from despair to hope, fear to faith, makes him inherently intriguing as audiences witness his emotional evolution.
Interesting Actions: Some of the most interesting actions Jabin could take include moments of introspection where he grapples with his mortality, acts of defiance against his illness by pursuing his dreams, and gestures of love and kindness towards his loved ones despite his own struggles.
Introduction: Introduce Jabin in a vulnerable yet determined moment, perhaps during a medical consultation where he receives his diagnosis but also expresses his determination to fight for his dreams despite the odds. This introduction would highlight the complexity of his character and set the tone for his journey.
Emotional Range: Jabin’s emotional range spans from deep despair and anger to profound moments of joy and acceptance. He experiences the full spectrum of human emotions as he confronts his illness and seeks meaning in his life.
Subtext: The actor playing Jabin can portray the subtext of his inner turmoil and spiritual quest, conveying his inner strength and vulnerability through subtle gestures and expressions even in moments of outward calm.
Interesting Relationships: Jabin’s most interesting relationships could include his bond with Becca, his love interest who provides unwavering support, and his conflicted interactions with Dr. Morgan, his oncologist whose advice challenges his resolve.
Unique Voice: Jabin’s unique voice is characterized by a blend of determination and vulnerability. He speaks with conviction about pursuing his dreams while also grappling with doubts and fears about his future.
Special: What makes Jabin special is his unwavering belief in the power of hope and love to transcend even the most daunting challenges. His ability to find strength and meaning in the face of adversity inspires those around him and resonates deeply with audiences.
Antagonist: Dr. Joel Morgan

Known for Role: This role would attract actors interested in portraying a nuanced antagonist who, while not intentionally malicious, poses a significant obstacle to the protagonist’s goals. It offers the opportunity to explore the complexities of moral ambiguity and professional duty.
Most Interesting Character: Dr. Morgan is compelling because he represents the harsh reality of Jabin’s medical condition while also embodying a sense of professional duty and dedication to his patients. His internal struggle between medical pragmatism and empathy adds depth to his character.
Interesting Actions: Dr. Morgan’s most interesting actions could include moments of ethical dilemma as he grapples with conflicting priorities, interactions with Jabin where he must balance medical advice with emotional support, and moments of self-reflection where he confronts his own limitations as a healer.
Introduction: Introduce Dr. Morgan in a scene where he delivers difficult news to Jabin with a mixture of empathy and clinical detachment. This introduction would establish his role as a caring but pragmatic medical professional and foreshadow the conflict to come.
Emotional Range: Dr. Morgan’s emotional range includes compassion for his patients, frustration at the limitations of medical science, and moments of doubt as he questions the impact of his actions on Jabin’s well-being.
Subtext: The actor playing Dr. Morgan can convey the subtext of his internal conflict and professional burnout through subtle shifts in demeanor and tone, hinting at the emotional weight of his responsibilities as an oncologist.
Interesting Relationships: Dr. Morgan’s most interesting relationships revolve around his interactions with Jabin and Becca, where he must navigate the tension between medical advice and personal ethics. His relationship with his own past patients could also provide insight into his character.
Unique Voice: Dr. Morgan’s unique voice is characterized by a blend of clinical professionalism and underlying empathy. He speaks with authority about medical treatments while also conveying a sense of genuine concern for his patients’ well-being.
Special: What makes Dr. Morgan special is his well-meaning but ultimately flawed approach to patient care. His character serves as a reminder of the limitations of medical science and the importance of balancing medical pragmatism with emotional support.
Triangle Character – Girlfriend: Becca Nowak

Known for Role: This role would attract actors interested in portraying a character who embodies unwavering faith and loyalty. It offers the opportunity to explore themes of love, redemption, and the power of human connection.
Most Interesting Character: Becca is compelling because she provides a counterbalance to both Jabin and Dr. Morgan, offering unwavering support and encouragement to Jabin while also confronting her own past regrets and insecurities. Her journey from doubt to faith adds depth to her character.
Interesting Actions: Becca’s most interesting actions could include moments of reconciliation with Jabin as she confronts her past regrets, gestures of support towards him during his darkest moments, and acts of defiance against societal expectations as she stands by her convictions.
Introduction: Introduce Becca in a scene where she reconnects with Jabin after years apart, expressing regret for past mistakes but also determination to support him in his time of need. This introduction would highlight her empathy and loyalty as well as set the stage for their evolving relationship.
Emotional Range: Becca’s emotional range includes moments of doubt and regret as she confronts her past mistakes, but also moments of joy and optimism as she rediscovers her connection with Jabin and embraces her faith in his potential.
Subtext: The actor playing Becca can convey the subtext of her internal struggle and spiritual journey through subtle expressions of doubt and conviction, hinting at the depth of her emotional transformation.
Interesting Relationships: Becca’s most interesting relationships revolve around her interactions with Jabin and Dr. Morgan, where she must navigate the tension between her faith in Jabin’s potential and Dr. Morgan’s medical advice. Her relationship with her own past regrets could also provide insight into her character.
Unique Voice: Becca’s unique voice is characterized by a blend of empathy and conviction. She speaks with sincerity about her belief in Jabin’s potential while also expressing vulnerability about her own past mistakes.
Special: What makes Becca special is her unwavering faith in Jabin’s ability to overcome his illness and pursue his dreams. Her character serves as a source of inspiration and motivation, reminding both Jabin and the audience of the power of love and redemption.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Actor Attractors for the “Honest Thief”
My Vision: To write profound faith-based scripts that are produced.
What I learned: Roles that attract major actors and how they are seen in the movie.
Movie Title: Honest Thief
Lead Character Name: Liam Neeson

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
A thief who’s willing to give up his freedom and money for true love. He is falsely accused and tries to do the right thing.

2. What makes this character the most interesting character in the movie?
Even though he is a successful thief, he confesses to restart his life clean and finds himself fighting to be honest and do the right thing.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Confesses to being a famous thief, fights police.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
He confesses to being a thief, motivated by love.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?
From calm to confessing love to being chased.

6. What subtext can the actor play?
Almost every time he is talking, he is working out next steps.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
Amazing relationship with his girlfriend, befriends FBI agent to help him find the truth.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
Through his ability to outsmart others.

9. What makes this character special and unique?
He is highly skilled thief that wants to be honest.

[Margaret]

Margaret’sHigh Concept/Elevator Pitch
Wish I could learn… Not sure why my work keeps running together instead of spacing appropriately, but here it is…
High concept: A man trapped in a parallel universe must rewrite history to save a people from repeating a tragic fate.
Elevator Pitch: “Echoes of Masada”: Jack fights history’s repetition in a parallel world to save the Donek. Sacrifice or extinction. Similar to “The OA.”

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned: How to use hooks in my pitch.

Hooks:
On a parallel world
Historical Masada siege echoes
Wants nothing to do with religion, ends up a prophet
Emotional dilemma – return to Earth or save lives in this world
Orb gives direction, refusal means death
Donek leader wanting to save his people promotes suicide

The pitch:
Does history really repeat itself?

In the aftermath of a cataclysmic earthquake, Jack is thrust into a parallel world where the past is alive and Earth’s history repeats itself with chilling precision. He discovers a haunting similarity between the plight of the contemporary Donek people and the ancient siege of Masada. Jack becomes a reluctant prophet, seeing visions of the echoes to come.

If Jack cannot stop the Masada echoes from unfolding, with Donek people die?

Desperate to escape the burden of this newfound responsibility, Jack attempts to escape this parallel world, but is thwarted by an insistent spiritual entity, the Orb, binding him to a destiny he cannot escape. With no choice but to embrace his fate, Jack guides the Donek to the sanctuary of Ebba, determined to rewrite history. Yet, as the echoes of Masada grow louder, and the threat to the Donek escalates, he must be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice – his own life.

Will Jack find the courage to defy the echoes of the past and secure a future for the Donek?

“Echoes of Masada” is a riveting exploration of fate, sacrifice, and the enduring power of hope in the face of insurmountable odds. It is a journey where past and present collide, and the fate of an entire civilization hangs in the balance. Can Jack break the cycle of history and secure a future for the Donek, or will he succumb to the weight of the past?

[Margaret]

What I learned: Looking for 10 interesting things made me go back and revise my script to add interesting things. I also realize I could pitch the series instead of just the pilot.
1. Villain and hero? Hero wants nothing to do with religion, ends up a prophet
2. Major Hook of Opening Scene: Light bubble acts like it is alive, following Jack.
3. Turning Points? Falling into a crevasse during an earthquake thrusts Jack into a parallel world.
4. Emotional Dilemma? Jack wants to return to Earth, but can’t leave the Donek if they are to live.
5. Major Twists? Jack running away from being a prophet becomes one.
6. Reversals? Donek leader bent on saving lives promotes suicide.
7. Character Betrayals? Merek, a leader of the Donek, utilizes resources for his own benefit, subjecting the people to potential starvation.
8. Big Surprises? Imara, a refugee of the Donek, is the Hedeon leader’s wife.
9. Other: The Orb, a light bubble, gives direction to the people.
10. Other: The location is a parallel world

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Producer/Manager
What I learned today: How the pitch for producers and managers is different, based on their goals.
How I will present myself and my project to a producer: My name is Margaret Silebi and I have a Sci-Fi Drama called Echoes of Masada. Current events have us asking if Jewish history is repeating itself. Echoes of Masada takes an historical event and repeats it in a parallel universe. The Concept for this project is: A man becomes a reluctant prophet on an alien planet, reliving the historic siege of Masada through mysterious echoes, tasked with altering its outcome to save a warring nation.

How I will present myself and my project to a manager: My name is Margaret Silebi, and I am a optioned faith-based screenwriter of feature and TV projects. I have four market ready screenplays and am available for writing assignments. My current project is:
Genre: Sci-Fi Drama
Title: Echoes of Masada
Concept: A man becomes a reluctant prophet on an alien planet, reliving the historic siege of Masada through mysterious echoes, tasked with altering its outcome to save a warring nation.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Marketable Components
What I learned: How to use marketable components to effectively pitch.

1. Current Logline: Transported to an alien planet, a mild-mannered man relives Masada’s historic siege through echoes, tasked with altering its outcome to save a warring nation from impending annihilation.
2. Components of Marketability
a. True – based on an historic event
b. Timely – based on Jewish history which is highlighted currently in the news.
Pitch with components: Current events have us asking if Jewish history is repeating itself. Echoes of Masada takes an historical event and repeats it in a parallel universe. The Concept for this project is: A man becomes a reluctant prophet on an alien planet, reliving the historic siege of Masada through mysterious echoes, tasked with altering its outcome to save a warring nation.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Project & Market

What I learned: To think through what is the most attractive part of my project so I could plan the pitch.

Genre: Sci-Fi Drama
Title: Echoes of Masada
Concept: A man becomes a reluctant prophet on an alien planet, reliving the historic siege of Masada through mysterious echoes, tasked with altering its outcome to save a warring nation.
Who I will target first: Managers
What is most attractive about my project: It is a unique, faith-based, blend of history and Sci-Fi.

[Margaret]

I’m ready for a second round of feedback. It is a Sci-Fi Drama. silebi@hotmail.com

[Margaret]

Margaret Finished Wordsmithing!
What I learned: Chat GPT was very useful in finding spelling and grammar errors. Did it in far less time than I could have!
I was able to review lines and fix spelling/grammar errors as well as passive lines.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Genre Conventions
My vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: Genre conventions for Drama
New Structure with Genre conventions in place:

Act 1: 25-30 pages – Set up and See Old Ways
Opening:
• Describe the prophetic dream of the bear attack (Bear attacked the baby three times. The third time help came from heaven and the Bear left, never to return). The dream brings with it fear and uncertainty for the family.
• Introduce Jabin, his family, and the initial events leading up to the discovery of his illness with visit to family at Christmas and onset of back pain.
• Show Jabin’s old way of control and planning his life. Family dynamics reveal support for his dreams & aspirations, jealousy of cousins.
Inciting Incident: Headed to ER with relentless pain. Fear and loneliness accompany him, as he is there alone, with no family or girlfriend present.
Turning Point: Cancer Diagnosis, Discovery of masses and the diagnosis of Testicular Choriocarcinoma. Jabin has initial disbelief, family is devastated.
Act 2: 20-30 pages – Challenge the old ways.
• Wrestling with doubt, will God save? Fear, anger, resignation to his fate, faith shaken, struggles to find meaning in suffering.
New Plan: Jabin’s entry into the cancer house, chemo, laser surgery.
Plan in Action:
• Family prays for healing.
• Jabin enters cancer house. Jabin, a college student accustomed to the routines of campus life, finds himself thrust into the unfamiliar world of hospitals and medical procedures. His first reaction, “This is where I die.”
• Jabin’s determination to graduate despite health challenges.
• Jabin’s birthday and discovery of sterility. Fights depression.
• Jabin meets Becca and establishes a relationship. Jabin initially conceals his true feelings for Becca, afraid of getting hurt again after their past history of rejection. He struggles to maintain control in the relationship.
• Appears chemo worked. Plan a celebration cruise. house hunting, new job with Raytheon to start in June.
Midpoint Turning Point (page 50-55) Positive cancer test – Cancer has returned, cruise cancelled. News of reoccurrence shakes Jabin’s newfound sense of hope and security.
ACT 3: Embrace the new ways. Profound moments give us new ways. 20-30 pages.
Rethink everything: The shocking news of cancer’s return.
New Plan: Stem Cell transplant
Plan in Action:
• Raytheon extends offer of job start to 4 months later.
• As relationship with Becca deepens and Jabin’s condition worsens, he realizes the importance of being honest about his emotions.
• COVID hits before stem cell transplant. Will this threaten the timeline for his new job.
• Jabin’s realization of his purpose and the vision he experiences to be light in the darkness, no matter what trials he encounters.
• Expecting a positive outcome from Stem Cell, Jabin proposes to Becca and she accepts. His action illustrates his growth and willingness to be vulnerable.
• Struggle through stem cell transplant. Dr. Morgan struggles to come to terms with his own limitations as a physician, hiding his doubts and insecurities behind a facade of confidence.
• Wedding plans for December despite the uncertainty of his future reveals Jabin’s growth in trusting God for his future.
Act 3 Turning Point: Return of the Cancer. What Jabin thought was the solution didn’t work. Will Becca cancel the wedding? Should Jabin tie a bride to short-lived marriage?
ACT 4: 25 pages – Test the change in this character! Prove new ways!
• The confirmation of cancer’s return and pneumothorax.
• Life and Death decision: fly to wedding with risk of sudden respiratory arrest. Will Jabin make it to the wedding?
• Newlywed, Jabin works at Raytheon with cancer. New oncologist, looking for new therapy.
• All is Lost: Diagnosis 6 months to live. Nothing more they can do. Oral chemo.
• New Plan: Jabin embraces life, accepting his death, decides to live each day fully in the face of mortality.
CLIMAX: Jabin accepts his fate, symbolizing the triumph of the human spirit over adversity.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
My Vision: To write profound faith-based scripts that are produced.
What I learned: To incorporate the old/new ways into the outline.
My Transformational Structure:
Act 1: 25-30 pages – Set up and See Old Ways
Opening:
• Describe the prophetic dream of the bear attack (Bear attacked the baby three times. The third time help came from heaven and the Bear left, never to return).
• Introduce Jabin, his family, and the initial events leading up to the discovery of his illness with visit to family at Christmas and onset of back pain.
• Show Jabin’s old way of control and planning his life.
Inciting Incident: Headed to ER with relentless pain.
Turning Point: Cancer Diagnosis, Discovery of masses and the diagnosis of Testicular Choriocarcinoma.
Act 2: 20-30 pages – Challenge the old ways.
• Wrestling with doubt, will God save? Fear, anger, resignation to his fate, faith shaken, struggles to find meaning in suffering.
New Plan: Jabin’s entry into the cancer house, chemo, laser surgery.
Plan in Action:
• Family prays for healing.
• Jabin enters cancer house. Jabin, a college student accustomed to the routines of campus life, finds himself thrust into the unfamiliar world of hospitals and medical procedures. Despite feeling out of place and overwhelmed by his circumstances, he learns to adapt and find moments of joy and connection amidst the chaos.
• Jabin’s determination to graduate despite health challenges.
• Jabin’s birthday and discovery of sterility.
• Jabin meets Becca and establishes a relationship. Jabin initially conceals his true feelings for Becca, afraid of getting hurt again after their past history.
• Appears chemo worked. Plan a celebration cruise. house hunting, new job with Raytheon to start in June.
Midpoint Turning Point (page 50-55) Positive pregnancy test – Cancer has returned, cruise cancelled.
ACT 3: Embrace the new ways. Profound moments give us new ways. 20-30 pages.
Rethink everything: The shocking news of cancer’s return.
New Plan: Stem Cell transplant
Plan in Action:
• Raytheon extends offer of job start to 4 months later.
• As relationship with Becca deepens and Jabin’s condition worsens, he realizes the importance of being honest about his emotions.
• COVID hits before stem cell transplant.
• Jabin’s realization of his purpose and the vision he experiences.
• Expecting a positive outcome from Stem Cell, Jabin proposes to Becca and she accepts.
• Struggle through stem cell transplant. Dr. Morgan struggles to come to terms with his own limitations as a physician, hiding his doubts and insecurities behind a facade of confidence.
• Expecting a positive outcome from Stem Cell, Jabin proposes to Becca and she accepts.
• Wedding planned for November.
Act 3 Turning Point: Return of the Cancer. What Jabin thought was the solution didn’t work.
ACT 4: 25 pages – Test the change in this character! Prove new ways!
• The confirmation of cancer’s return and pneumothorax
• Will Jabin make it to the wedding on time?
• Newlywed, Jabin works at Raytheon with cancer.
• All is Lost: Diagnosis 6 months to live. Nothing more they can do. Oral chemo.
• New Plan: Jabin embraces life, accepting his death, decides to live each day fully.
CLIMAX: Jabin accepts his fate and is surprised by a miraculous healing.
RESOLUTION: PET scan and labs show Jabin is cancer free. Jabin begins as worship leader, embracing life with gratitude and joy, cherishing each moment.

[Margaret]

Margaret Has Amazing Description!
What I learned: I have kept from describing internal feelings but I learned they can be a useful tool.
Examples of changes made:
Before: JACK (20’s), a history enthusiast, and his girlfriend, ELIZA (20’s) a woman whose never silently thinks, lean against the stone wall encircling the Masada ruins.

After: JACK (20’s), a history enthusiast, and his think-aloud girlfriend, ELIZA (20’s), lean against the stone wall encircling the Masada ruins.

Before: Eliza takes her foot, turns Jack over.
After: Eliza turns Jack over with her foot.

Before: Jack gets up, pats away the dust from his clothes
After: Jack gets up, pats away the dust from his clothes, frustration masked with anger at Eliza’s denial.
Before: Jack’s father tosses the prophet’s mantle at Jack.
After: Jack’s father tosses the prophet’s mantle at Jack, irritated by his drama.

Before: Jack strolls down the sidewalk, dials a number on his phone. Eliza’s picture flashes up, call immediately drops. He redials three times as he walks, same thing happens. Jack slaps the phone several times to “fix” it.
After: Jack strolls down the sidewalk, dials a number on his phone. Eliza’s picture flashes up, call immediately drops. He redials three times as he walks, same thing happens. Jack slaps the phone several times to “fix” it. Would she really block his calls?
Before: Once again, Jack searches on his phone.
After: Once again, Jack searches on his phone. Feeling desperate.
Before: Imara glares at Jack
After: Imara glares at Jack, determined not to be attracted to him.

[Margaret]

Margaret is exchanging scripts with Lenore Bechtel for round 1 of feedback exchange.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Subtext Plot
My Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced
What I learned: Prompt for subtext structure
Two subtext plots I chose:

Someone Hides Who They Are:
• Jabin initially conceals his true feelings for Becca, afraid of getting hurt again after their past history. However, as their relationship deepens and Jabin’s condition worsens, he realizes the importance of being honest about his emotions. Meanwhile, Dr. Morgan struggles to come to terms with his own limitations as a physician, hiding his doubts and insecurities behind a facade of confidence.

The Fish out of Water:
• Jabin, a college student accustomed to the routines of campus life, finds himself thrust into the unfamiliar world of hospitals and medical procedures. Despite feeling out of place and overwhelmed by his circumstances, he learns to adapt and find moments of joy and connection amidst the chaos.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Transformational Journey
Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: A.I. prompts for Character Journeys

Protagonist: Jabin Munoz

Arc Beginning: Diagnosed with Terminal Cancer
Arc Ending: Cancer Free

• Internal Journey: Jabin’s internal journey is marked by a shift from despair to hope, from fear to faith. He confronts his deepest fears and insecurities, learning to let go of his anger and resentment towards his illness. Through moments of introspection and spiritual exploration, he discovers inner strength and resilience, ultimately finding peace within himself.
• External Journey: Externally, Jabin’s journey is a rollercoaster of physical and emotional highs and lows. He battles the physical toll of his illness, enduring the pain of treatments and the uncertainty of remission. Alongside his loved ones, he navigates the practical challenges of medical appointments, financial strain, and the upheaval of his plans for the future going from the diagnosis of terminal cancer to cancer free.

• Old Ways: Fear, anger, resignation to his fate, faith shaken, struggles to find meaning in suffering.
• New Ways: Confronts fear with courage, replaces anger with acceptance, replaces resentment with gratitude. His faith becomes a source of strength and comfort. He cherishes the moment, embracing life’s uncertainty with peace and joy.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Intentional Lead Characters
My vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: A.I. prompts for characters!

Characters:
• Name: Jabin Munoz
• Role: Protagonist.
• Logline: Jabin is a resilient college student facing the challenge of terminal illness during his senior year. Despite his diagnosis, he embarks on a transformational journey driven by his desire to pursue his dreams and find meaning in life beyond his illness. He discovers faith and love along the way, defying the odds and embracing the uncertainty of his future.
• Unique: Jabin’s strength lies not only in his determination to fight his illness but also in his unwavering belief in the power of hope and love. He is portrayed as a multi-dimensional character, showcasing both vulnerability and courage in the face of adversity.

• Name: Dr. Joel Morgan
• Role: Antagonist
• Logline: Dr. Morgan is Jabin’s oncologist who, while ostensibly aiming to treat his patient’s illness, becomes a source of conflict by discouraging Jabin from pursuing his goals and dreams. He represents the harsh reality of Jabin’s medical condition and serves as a constant reminder of the limitations imposed by his illness.
• Unique: Dr. Morgan’s character is unique in that he is not a traditional antagonist in the sense of being malicious or intentionally malevolent. Instead, his antagonistic role stems from his well-meaning but ultimately misguided attempts to prioritize Jabin’s medical treatment over his personal aspirations.

• Name: Becca Nowak
• Role: Triangle Character
• Logline: Becca is Jabin’s love interest and a source of encouragement and support throughout his journey. Unlike Dr. Morgan, she believes in Jabin’s ability to live a fulfilling life despite his illness and encourages him to pursue his dreams, including graduation, marriage, and a career.
• Unique: Becca’s character adds depth to the story by providing a contrasting perspective to both Jabin and Dr. Morgan. Her unwavering faith in Jabin’s potential and her willingness to stand by him in the face of adversity make her a compelling and relatable character.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!
Vision: To write profound faith-based movies that are produced.
What I learned: Taking ownership is the first step to commitment for this script.
Title: Beyond the Bear’s Shadow
Concept: A terminally ill college student discovers faith and love, defying the odds to pursue his dreams and embrace the uncertainty of life.

[Margaret]

Margaret has Great Introductions!
What I learned: How to use irony for introductions.
Assignment results:
INTRO TO JACK CHANGED –
EXT. TOP OF MASADA – DAY
The sun casts eerie reflections, small circles of light dance over the rugged terrain of Masada.
JACK (20’s), a history enthusiast, and his girlfriend, ELIZA (20’s) a woman whose never silently thinks, lean against the stone wall encircling the Masada ruins.
JACK
But look at the history!
Jack goes to one knee. Eliza gasps as he reaches into his pocket, pulling out an object he covers with both hands.
ELIZA
Jack! Yes!
Jack takes the object, thrusts it towards his chest, and falls forward.
Eliza stares in shock. Is he dead?
ELIZA
Jack?
No response.
Eliza takes her foot, turns Jack over. He opens his eyes and his hands, revealing a pair of sunglasses. Still on his back, he grins up at Eliza and slowly puts on the sunglasses.
JACK
Yes?
Eliza tries to cover up her misconception.
ELIZA
I wasn’t thinking that… I mean, that’s not the way it happened! Yes, it was suicide, and yes, Elazar talked them into it. But it was a noble thing!

Jack gets up, pats away the dust from his clothes.
JACK
No way! He was clearly wrong! What difference is there between him and the guy who made everyone drink the Kool-Aid?
Intro to Alo changed:
Jack looks up to see ALO, the spiritual advisor of the Donek tribe, offering a hand to help him up. Alo’s long brown tunic and untrimmed white hair and beard resembles an aging hippie, but the strength of his arm suggests a younger man.
World intro changed:
EXT. TOWN – SIDEWALK – SAME
Jack slouches as he walks with the Alo through the town to disguise his height. With the exception of himself and Alo, both over six feet tall, the people are all 5’10” or shorter. Their dress suggests medieval with a hint of court jester.
JACK
Definitely not in Kansas.
Alo smirks.
ALO
Kansas? Your home, then?
Jack’s eyes reveal his confusion.
JACK
Where am I?
ALO
Standing on a sidewalk.
JACK
(frustrated)
But where?
ALO
In town.
Jack looks up and down the street. The town could be anywhere, USA. Except for the short stature and unique style of dress, the people could be from almost anywhere as well. Almost half of the men have a thick dark triangle painted on their foreheads, giving the impression of a warlike tribe. Jack nods towards a man with the marking.

Irony examples:
Jack takes the object, thrusts it towards his chest, and falls forward. (We think it is a ring he will propose with)
A woman, IMARA (20’s), a feisty beauty who would rather fight than negotiate, looks like the perfect homemaker as she enters with a plate of food.
ARKUJI, a radical Hedeon, confronts him. His high pitched, squeaky voice belies the power and passion of his words.
ARMANN (40’s), the leader of the Hedeon who rules with a steel hand and no velvet glove, reclines like a couch potato. Taron stands before him.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Description!
What I learned: I need to watch my descriptions, make sure they are in the present tense.
Examples of Before and After:
Before: The sun casts eerie reflections over the rugged terrain of Masada.
After: The sun casts eerie reflections, small circles of light that dance over the rugged terrain of Masada.

Before: The earth tremors, remnants of the Masada ruins shake. Eliza screams as the couple jump away from a wall to avoid falling stones.
After: The earth tremors. Eliza screams as the couple jump away from a wall to avoid falling stones.
Before: Jack takes Eliza’s hand.
After: Jack doesn’t wait for an answer, grabs Eliza’s hand, pulls her towards the trail head.
Before: Alo meets with the Donek leaders in their temple.
After: Alo meets with the Donek leaders in their temple. They look at each other, uncomfortable, as Alo speaks.

Before: Romans rush towards the townspeople, strike them down.
After: Romans rush towards the townspeople, strike without warning, leave them lying on the ground, moaning, crying out.

[Margaret]

Margaret Has Great Dialogue!
What I learned: I still had on-the-nose dialogue before the review.
5 changes:
Before: Big difference Mr.History buff! Their leader delivered them from a tortured life.
After: Like you would do any different. So, what’s a little Kool-Aid on a hot day?
—
Before: May the giving today supply all of the children’s needs!
After: Aren’t we all moved to give?
—
Before: We should be celebrating! My dad blessed me with a new skill. Comes with a pay raise. Watch this.
After: No problem. Your Jack’s got this.
—
Before: You understand compassion? You care about them, I care about you.
After: What father doesn’t care for his son’s needs?
—
Before: You are going to end up in jail, or worse!
After: Hope you like the color orange.
—
Before: You’re threatening me? I’m your son!
After: Did I miss something? I’m still your son, right?
—
Before: She blocked me?
No dialogue – slap phone to “fix” it.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s 7-8

What I learned: I was able to replace on-the-nose dialogue with subtext.

7. Dialogue as action

Before: This is the mantle of the prophet.

After: You will war this mantle, be our prophet.

Before: Naive or a fool?

After: You either naive or a fool.

Before: Heh, did you know I am a prophet now?

After: We should be celebrating. My dad blessed with with a new skill. Watch this.

8. Subtext

Before: Sit down, Jack.

After: You look tired. Worried.

Before: Tell me.

After: Says nothing, waits for him to respond.

Before: Imara, I can’t be your prophet. I am just seen as a defector to this tribe. I say something they don’t like, give a message they don’t want to hear, well, you know what that means?

After: So, just how many ways does your tribe have to execute their defectors?

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Dialogue 4-6

What I learned: Keep a copy of what you previously wrote so you can refer to it when sharing your homework. LOL

I went through and changed scenes 1, 3, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 23 to change dialogue to meet the set up/pay off, anticipatory, and ironic standards. Unfortunately, I didn’t keep the “before” version so I can’t share it here.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Dialogue 1 + 2

What I learned: I had a scene that was mostly exposition but little attack/counterattack. I used the A.I. feedback and realized that 70% of my dialogue already fit the character’s profile.

Before: Scene was filled with exposition, one character speaking and another filling in information.

After: I changed to attack/counterattack for the lines. It brought the scene to life and made it interesting and entertaining while still getting the information across.

[Margaret]

Margaret Completed P/S Grid #2

What I learned: I have taken many classes with ScreenwritingU and have heard a multitude of times to not worry about it if your first draft isn’t perfect. I even bought a coffee mug that said, “Keep Calm. It’s only the First Draft.” It wasn’t until this class that I was able to let go and not wordsmith my first draft or try to perfect every line before moving on. I learned that in my second draft, I had insights that changed a few scenes, added and deleted scenes. I saved myself a boat load of work by just letting the first draft be imperfect.

What I changed:

#2 Added forced decisions and allowed characters to say things that hurt others to increase the Empathy/Distress

#5 Found a correlation with the protagonist’s weakness and his transformation that didn’t previously exist.

#7 Changed a scene to increase the intrigue.

#8 Revised a scene to increase the strength and meaning of the scene.

9. Added a scene to challenge the characters.

[Margaret]

Margaret Completed P/S Grid #1

What I learned: Hal’s A.I. Feedback program was beneficial in pin- pointing areas I needed to fix.

Areas I revised:

#1 Weak conflict: I added a ticking clock

#9 Weak Turning Point – added another scene to elevate the stakes and uncover a deeper layer.

#13 Not enough subtext – changed dialogue that was on the nose.

[Margaret]

Margaret has finished Act 4 +5

What I learned: It is shorter than I thought it would be at 43 pages, but then I didn’t spend much time on descriptions.

I think the following drafts will easily bring me to 50 pages at least. I’m happy to have draft one finished!

[Margaret]

Margaret finished Act Three!

What I learned doing this assignment is to accept the 30% quality and keep moving!

My outline was weaker for this act, so it was harder to write.

• Rule 1: Use empowering self talk. Cheer yourself on. B. Some use.
• Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts. A. Consistently use.
• Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY draftA. Consistently use.
• Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers. A. Consistently use.
• Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t allow yourself to ever stall out. A. Consistently use..
• Rule 6: Even if you can’t create it now, you will be able to at some point in the future! A. Consistently use.

[Margaret]

Margaret Finished Act 2!

What I learned doing the assignment is that its ok to leave it and fix it later.

Rate use of the High Speed Writing Rules:

• Rule 1: Use empowering self talk. Cheer yourself on. B. Some use.
• Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts. A. Consistently use.
• Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY drafts. A. Consistently use.
• Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers. A. Consistently use.
• Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t allow yourself to ever stall out. A. Consistently use.
• Rule 6: Even if you can’t create it now, you will be able to at some point in the future! A. Consistently use.

[Margaret]

Margaret Finished Act 1

What I learned: Finally, got into the high-speed writing groove. Easier to be creative when I give myself permission to write a less than perfect scene.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Teaser/High Speed Writing

WTEASER

EXT. TOP OF MASADA – DAY

JACK (20’s), a history enthusiast and budding evangelist, and his girlfriend, ELIZA (20’s), sit among ruins, argue.

JACK

No way! Clearly wrong! What difference is there between him and the guy who made everyone drink the Kool-Aid?

ELIZA

Big difference! The Jews were committed to their God, not a man, and their leader was brave enough to lead them to keep that commitment.

JACK

They died! Almost all of them! I can’t believe you think that is a good thing!

Remnants of the Masada ruins shake.

Eliza screams as the couple jump away from a wall to avoid falling stones.

The earth stills.

Eliza and Jack look around, not sure where to move, waiting for the next tremor. Eliza gives a nervous laugh.

ELIZA

See, even the earth agrees with me.

Jack takes Eliza’s hand.

JACK

Let’s get out of here.

They follow other tourists heading towards the trail head to descend the mountain.

ELIZA

(softly)

You are like him, you know. You care, and try to get others to care too. One of the reasons I love you.

Jack doesn’t smile.

JACK

I am nothing like him. I would never tell a group of people to kill themselves. Never!

Eliza keeps up her nervous chatter.

ELIZA

Mr. History know-it-all. Why are we even arguing about this? Your dad sent us here to find an angle for the commercial, not debate.

Jack concentrates on the path, steps over errant stones.

JACK

This is not the right place. I told him that. He never listens to me.

ELIZA

True that. But you don’t stand up for yourself, either. You follow him around like a duck.

Jack grabs Eliza’s hand, guides her around a large rock. The sun glints off his sunglasses, two round circles of light.

JACK

Nah, the whole orphanage thing was my idea. He followed me on that one.

Eliza notes the weird circles of light reflecting off Jack’s glasses.

ELIZA

What’s with your glasses?

Jack removes his glasses. Sees nothing, the circles of light now moving unnoticed over his chest. He shrugs, replaces the glass. Images of the historic Jews on Masada become shadows on his glasses.E liza does not notice.

She continues to chatter.

ELIZA

Its not doing well, though. I meant to tell you —

This stops Jack in his tracks.

JACK

— What? What do you mean? Donations are up! Call center reports record numbers.

ELIZA

Yeah, that’s what I don’t get it. I’m planning on checking into that when we get back.

A low rumble. The earth shakes, Jack and Eliza struggle to keep their balance.

The ground begins to split between Eliza and Jack. A crack in the earth widens the distance between them.

Jack stumbles, lets go of Eliza’s hand, falls towards the crevasse.hat I learned: I had a very hard time writing at high speed at first draft level. I think it is because I had just finished the WIM last modules and was in perfectionist mode. It took me a while to change gears!

Teaser;

[Margaret]

Margaret – Exchange Feedback

Title: Echoes of Masada

Genre: Sci-Fi Drama

Since I have a membership in Hal’s A.I. Feedback and it provides feedback specifically for the structure of a TV Series Episode, I am going to use it for my first round of feedback. I’ll be back for 2nd round!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Outline with Intrigue

What I learned: I didn’t have many payoffs – most are for later episodes.

Act 1 – pages 1-16, set up and see the Old Ways

Teaser:

1. EXT. TOP OF MASADA – DAY: MYSTERY

Jack argues with tourists, rails against the religious leader that initiated the historic group suicide. Circles of sun light bounce off Jack’s body, reflect in Jack’s sunglasses, reflection changes into the historic Masada figures. An earthquake, Jack falls into a crevasse, disappears.

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[Margaret]

Margaret’s Scene Requirements

What I learned: I realized I had non-essential (boring) scenes in my outline I needed to cut out or change.

BEAT SHEET

Act 1 – pages 1-16, set up and see the Old Ways

Teaser:

1. EXT. TOP OF MASADA – DAY

Jack argues with tourists, rails against the religious leader that initiated the historic group suicide. Circles of sun light bounce off Jack’s body, reflect in Jack’s sunglasses, reflection changes into the historic Masada figures. An earthquake, Jack falls into a crevasse, disappears.

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[Margaret]

Margaret’s Beat Sheet

What I learned: My first try was too long – I was writing a paragraph for each scene and had to cut it down to the essence.

STORIES

A= Jack’s journey to leadership

B= Hedeon vs Donek

C= Role of the Orb

PILOT CONCEPT

During an earthquake, a man enters a parallel world where he sees visions of the historic Masada siege and becomes the religious leader he despises.

INCITING INCIDENT

Transport to a parallel world where Jack is caught between two warring tribes.

BEAT SHEET

Act 1 – pages 1-16, set up and see the Old Ways

Teaser:

1. EXT. TOP OF MASADA – DAY

Jack speaks with tourists, rails against the religious leader that initiated the historic group suicide. Circles of sun light bounce off Jack’s body, reflect in Jack’s sunglasses, reflection changes into the historic Masada figures. An earthquake, Jack falls into a crevasse, disappears.

Act 1:

2. INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – ON STAGE – DAY

Jack is onstage with his father. Stage lights play with Jack’s body as he makes a passionate plea on camera for donations for an orphanage.

3. INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – OFF STAGE – DAY

Jack’s father alludes to Jack having the perfect face for his scheme. He walks away, leaving Jack confused. Jack calls girlfriend, holding ring box. She agrees to meet for lunch, her cold tone perplexing.

4. EXT. SIDE WALK CAFÉ – DAY

Jack’s girlfriend meets Jack at restaurant, angry. He tries to propose but is cut off with allegations of fraud, stealing charity donations with his father. He tries to deny, but she spews out his inability to lead versus following others into crime, then leaves him confused.

INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – OFF STAGE – DAY

Father tells Jack he only took the money to support Jack’s lifestyle. Jack hints at getting out and father threatens that change must happen slowly so they are undetected because Jack was the only one who made pleas for donations so he would be the one put in jail. Jack agrees to stay.

5. INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – ON STAGE – DAY

Jack’s father preaches to online congregation while Jack has a vision of the same speech on Masada. The father’s focus on the speech to money sends Jack running

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Jack on phone, making plea with girlfriend not to throw away 5 years of friendship. She tells him not to call again. Jack hangs up as he sees a vision of Masada, strewn with dead bodies. Depressed, he looks for a bottle of pills, downs them. Heads towards his bedroom…

6. INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – SAME

…lays down on the bed. Street lights dance from window onto his body, mysteriously, not unlike the sun spots on Masada or the stage lights. The light moves over his chest, over his heart. He jumps up, runs towards bathroom, sticks his finger down his throat, gags.

Turning Point:

7. EXT. WHITTIER – SIDEWALK – NEXT DAY

Jack on mobile, attempts several times to dial girlfriend’s number, he is blocked. An earthquake, Jack falls into a crevasse.

Act 2 – pages 17-30 Challenge the Old Ways

8. EXT. OTHER WORLD – BEACH/BLUFF – DAY

Inciting Incident (This scene should represent the first season story: He saves the Donek from the Hedeon, moving to the safety of a large rock, the Mesa). Jack wakes up in another world, lizards run by him. Jack chased by snakes, climbs the bluff.

EXT. TOP OF ROCKY BLUFF – SAME

Jack is rescued by Alo (Counselor of the Donek). Jack and Alo both keep their origin a secret but Alo knows Jack is from Earth, like himself. Provides him a cover story.

EXT. TOWN – SIDEWALK – SAME

Jack has Masadic visions, has to choose between Donek and Hedeon. Jack chooses to stay with the Donek and Alo.

INT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

Jack meets Imara, instant chemistry Imara hides her attraction to Jack with an unreasonable anger at Alo for allowing a stranger with an unknown origin to the tribe. Alo shares that Jack is probably a prophet, at which Jack bristles, denies the allegation.

9. EXT. TOWN – ALLEY – DAY

Imara meets with Taron. She tells him about Jack showing up and that Alo thinks he is a prophet. Jack sees Imara meeting with a Hedeon man. He overhears Taron tell Imara that her “concerns’ are being taken care of. He sees her give him a hug before he leaves.

10. EXT. TOWN – SIDEWALK – DAY

Jack confronts Imara about Hedeon meeting.

EXT. HEDEON PLAZA – DAY

Armann signals Taron, returning from town, asks if he has seen his wife. Taron denies it, asks if he wants Armann to take a message to her. Armann carefully suggests he plans on making her current living situation intolerable so she will return. Taron does respond.

11. INT. ALO’S HOME – STUDY – DAY

Jack sees a vision of a Romans inciting soldiers to attack. Alo wants Jack to become the Donek’s prophet. Jack says, “no” and leaves to find a way back to Earth.

Turning point: The journey remains the same, but the meaning / context of the story changes in a huge way.

12. EXT. BEACH – DAY

Jack sees a vision, can’t find portal back to Earth.

Act 3 – pages 31-43 With the Midpoint change, the Old Ways are dropping off and profound moments give us the New Ways.

13. INT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

Jack tells Imara his vision, does not disclose he is from Earth. He is visibly distraught, Imara comforts him, decides to trust him, urges him to tell Alo for the sake of the Donek people, that this may not be what he wants, but it is the will of “Taaba” to be their prophet. Jack says he can share with Alo and Imara, but this isn’t his fight, he won’t be a spokesperson.

14. INT. DONEK TEMPLE – DAY

Alo meets with the Donek leaders, tells them Jack is seeing visions and he thinks it is a foreshadowing of a Hedeon attack. The leaders refuse to listen or take any action saying no Hedeon has attacked the Donek ever.

15. EXT. HEDEON PLAZA – DAY

Armann tells a group of Hedeon men that the Donek are out to destroy their children. As Armann speaks, the men grow angry. A ball of light floats in front of Armann. The men wait to see how Armann will react. The Orb disappears as Armann turns his back on it and leaves.

16. INT. ARMANN’S HOME – DAY

Arkuji, a Hedeon guard, meets with Armann and Taron. Tells Armann he must order the soldiers to attack, it will be the only way to gain dominance and stop the Donek influence. Taron argues against it. Armann asks Taron for his loyalty if called to attack. Taron swears fealty.

17. EXT. ALO’S HOME – EVENING

A man covered in a robe and hood knocks on Alo’s door. Alo opens, pulls him inside.

18. INT. ALO’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – SAME

Alo takes the hooded man (Taron) to his study. The man sees Imara and Jack talking on the couch but doesn’t acknowledge them, walks right by them.

19. INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME

Jack asks Imara why the man who brings her medicine is meeting with Alo. Imara is distracted, says she doesn’t know. Jack asks if Alo is sick. He doesn’t believe Imara’s denials.

20. INT. ALO’S STUDY – SAME

Taron tells Alo to prepare his people for a possible attack. Asks him to protect Imara since Arkuji seeks her life. Since she destroyed the relationship Arkuji had with a Donek woman. Alo asks for details on the attack, Taron refuses. Alo assures him he will keep Imara safe.

21. INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME

Taron leaves, not acknowledging Imara, which upsets her. Jack gets up to confront Alo, but Imara pulls him back, tells him to leave it be.

22. EXT. HEDEON PLAZA – NEXT DAY

The Hedeon men gather in the plaza listening to Arkuji rail against the Hedeon. When Armann and Taron appear, Arkuji challenges Armann to do something. Armann says he has decided. They are going to fight the Donek.

INT. ALO’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Alo tells Imara she must not go to town; she is not safe. He refuses to give her specifics. Frustrated with the lack of information and refusing to be held captive in Alo’s home, she storms out. Jack leaves to protect Imara.

Act 4 – pages 44-52 Test the change in this character! Prove New Ways!

23. EXT. TOWN STREET – DAY

A group of Hedeon men swarm the streets, striking out at any Donek. Donek flee. Arkuji spots Imara and runs to attack her.

24. EXT. ALO’S HOME – SAME

Jack sees the Orb in the distance, at the outskirts of town, he runs towards it.

25. EXT. OUTSKIRTS TOWN – SAME

A Hedeon man threatens Jack, saying Armann cannot tolerate Hedeon who sympathize with the Donek and encourages Jack not to align himself with the religious cult, run from the Orb. Jack ignores him.

26. EXT. TOWN STREET – DAY

Jack sees Arkuji, club raised, yelling at her. He runs up behind him just as Arkuji knocks Imara out, wrestles him to the ground. Jack picks up Imara’s limp form, runs back to Alo’s home.

Act 5 – pages 53-60 Set up for next episode

31. EXT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

Jack carries Imara inside, she wakes up, hugs Jack. Jack kisses her in the moment and she pushes back. She reveals that Taron is her brother. She wonders if she would be safer with the Hedeon but is indecisive.

32. INT. DONEK TEMPLE – DAY

Alo addresses the leaders; states they must prepare for the Hedeon’s apparent intent for war. Alo reminds them that Jack foresaw this and ask them once again to consider him. They vote yes.

33. INT. ALO’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Alo addresses Imara and Jack. Says the leaders want him to be a Donek prophet. Jack is resolute, will not accept. Imara argues with him and Jack accepts the role.

Inciting Incident to propel us into next episode

34. INT. DONEK TEMPLE – DAY

Alo bestowed the robe and mantle of Donek prophet on Jack. The Orb is present in the background, unseen by Alo and Jack. As the mantle is placed, Jack sees the Jewish leader enticing all of the Jews on Masada to group suicide.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s setting up for the future

What I learned: Need to hint at future events for success of pilot.

Setups for Future Episodes

· Jack’s struggle to lead – shown by his awkwardness with Donek leaders

· Orb wants Jack – shown by light following Jack

· Alo was mentored by another earthling suggested by his control over Jack

· Lyra as a love interest for Armann

· Kidnapping Grigo

· Hedeon Territory is off limits and dangerous

· Jack’s identity as an earthling – revealed by lack of knowledge of cultural practices and information about earth

· Imara’s secret as Arman’s wife – shown by Imara evasiveness of topic

· Taron as a spy – shown by evasive dialogue when speaking of the Donek

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Adding Empathy/Distress!

What I learned: I need to up the Empathy/Distress for other characters.

Act 1:

Plans that failed (Jack): Jack proposes to his girlfriend, only to face rejection due to his lack of ambition and his father’s tainted legacy/deception.

External Character Conflict (Jack): After the TV session, Jack tells his father of his vision, and says he can’t be a fraud, he can no longer continue. His father tells him he has no choice. He either continues or he will call the authorities himself and say he just found out about his son’s deceit. After all, Jack was the one who always asked for the money and it was put in an account with only his name first before being distributed.

Plot intruding on life (Jack): In his apartment, Jack is emotionally shattered and contemplates suicide as his father’s deceit and lack of love for him haunts him. He considers the Masada event may not have been such a bad choice and downs a bottle of pills. As he lays down, the streetlight shining through the window forms a circle of light on his chest, that moves over his heart.

Act 2:

External Character Conflict (Jack): Jack calls his girlfriend, begs her to reconsider, that he was innocent in the whole scheme. She asks him if he will still work with his father. When he delays answering, she says he could stand up and be a leader, help his dad out of this but knows he doesn’t have it in him, she is deleting him from her life. She states she won’t be tied to anyone who can’t think for themselves, make their own decisions. Jack hangs up, further depressed.

Undeserved misfortune (Jack): Amidst the chaos of a sudden earthquake, Jack stumbles into a mysterious portal opened by an orb of light, hurtling him into an unfamiliar parallel world.

Witnessing the pain of others (Jack): Jack flees, scared of the snakes. The snakes continue to chase him. A snake bites him on his heel.

Act 3:

Brings their wound present (Jack): Alo pressures Jack into becoming a prophet figure for the people but Jack refuses to get involved.

Plans that failed (Jack): Jack searches for the portal, and unable to find a way back to Earth, he realizes he is stuck on this planet and reluctantly turns back Alo when he has the vision again of Roman’s attacking.

Major loss (Arkuji): Arkuji was rejected by a Donek woman he was in love with, Imara was instrumental in destroying that relationship.

Act 4:

External Character Conflicts (Imara): Not having facts about a specific day, Imara refuses to submit, argues with Alo and storms off, unaware her life is in danger.

Witnessing the pain of others (Imara): Taron attacks the Donek, even as he sees the distress it causes Imara when she sees his actions.

Plot intruding on life (Imara): Imara’s indecision paralyzes her from going back home or leaving for the Donek tribe.

Plot intruding on life (Jack): Jack risks his life to rescue Imara.

ACT 5:

Brings their wounds present: When Jack kisses Imara, she backs off and Jack faces rejection again. He assumes it is because of Taron and she reveals he is her brother, but she does not reveal she is married to Armann.

[Margaret]

Mar4garet’s Layers and Reveals

What I learned: I can’t hold on to my Pitch Bible the way it is. I thought I was done with that. Now I will have to revise (for the better).

Layers/Cover ups/Reveals:

Surface: Jack’s Father is a tele-evangelist

Character Layer/Deception: Jack’s father is keeping money sent for a dummy cause

How the layer is revealed: Revealed by Jack’s girlfriend during his proposal.

Surface: Jack has fallen down during an earthquake into a crevasse

Plot Layer/Major Shift in Meaning: Jack is no longer on Earth but in a parallel universe.

How the layer is revealed: When he wakes up being attacked by snakes.

Surface: Imara is a Hedeon spy

Character Layer/Hidden Relationship: Imara is not a spy, but meeting with her brother to find out about her son.

How the layer is revealed: After Jack rescues Imara from a would-be killer, she reveals her attraction to him. When he kisses her, she backs off. He assumes it is because of Taron and she reveals he is her brother.

Surface: Imara is angry with Alo for letting a stranger into their home.

Character Layer/Hidden Relationship: Imara is married but attracted to Jack.

How the layer is revealed: After Jack rescues Imara, the attraction is revealed.

Surface: Taron is a spy for the Donek

Character Layer/Hidden Relationship: Taron is actually Imara’s brother

How the layer is revealed: Imara reveals after Jack yells at her for playing with his emotions.

Top of Form

SurSuSurface: Arkuji wants the Donek attacked as revenge for Alo taking in Imara, an affront to the Hedeon tribe.

Character Layer/Secret history revealed: Arkuji was rejected by a Donek woman he was in love with, Imara was instrumental in destroying that relationship.

How the layer is revealed: Taron reveals it to Alo when he shares the plot to attack the Donek.

Surface: Alo is a Donek, adopted because his tribe was wiped out in a plague

Character Layer/Secret Identity: Alo is an Earthling

How the layer is revealed: As Alo pressures Jack to become a prophet for the Donek.

Surface: Alo wants Jack to take a role as prophet

Character Layer/Hiding past transgressions: Alo was brought to this planet by the Orb in a portal to be a light to the inhabitants of this planet but segregated himself only to the Donek and now is afraid he will be sent back to Earth.

How the layer is revealed: Alo pleading with him after Jack returns from seeking the portal.

S

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Character Story Lines

What I learned: I didn’t have a storyline except for two of my characters. The other’s were flat.

Logline: During an earthquake, a man enters a parallel world where he sees visions of the historic Masada siege and becomes the religious leader he despises.

Title: Echoes of Masada Pilot

Teaser

Essence: Jack is on Masada discovering history, railing against the group suicide that occurred there.

Turning Point: An earthquake. Jack falls into a crevasse, disappears from sight.

Act 1:

Essence: Jack proposes to his girlfriend of 5 years but his lack of ambition, his passion for history, and his father’s misdeeds as a fraudulent tele-evangelist upsets her.

Jack’s Beginning: Jack, disheartened by his stagnant life, proposes to his girlfriend, only to face rejection due to his lack of ambition and his father’s tainted legacy.

Turning Point: Rejected and emotionally shattered, Jack contemplates suicide as his relationship crumbles and his father’s deceit haunts him. He considers the Masada event may not have been such a bad choice.

Act 2:

Essence: Despite his moral compass, Jack entangles himself in his fraudulent tele-evangelist schemes for taking money from the church and acquiesces to aiding an abusive husband who wants to buy a snake to frighten and control his wife.

Jack’s Dilemma: Pressured by his father, Jack reluctantly becomes complicit in deceit torn between family loyalty and integrity. He agrees to be onstage to keep peace with his father, but says he won’t speak and go down the same dark path as his father.

Jack’s Dilemma: Threatened by job loss, Jack packs up a snake for an abusive man, torn between job survival and his concern for others.

Jack’s Turning Point: Admidst the chaos of a sudden earthquake, Jack stumbles into a mysterious portal, hurtling him into an unfamiliar parallel world.

Act 3:

Essence: When Jack is rescued by a spiritual leader of the Donek, he has a vision of Romans killing Jews, with Masada in the background. Alo introduces Jack to Imara, a Hedeon refugee living with Alo, who he has chemistry with. Jack discovers Imara meeting secretly with a Hedeon warrior and sees a mysterious orb of light, says nothing.

Alo’s Beginning: When Alo, the spiritual leader of the Donek tribe, discovers Jack and rescues him. He realizes he is an Earthling like himself and provides him a cover story so he doesn’t need to reveal his own origin. He harbors doubts about Jack’s visions.

Imara’s Beginning: Imara, a refugee from the Hedeon tribe living with Alo, hides that she is Armann’s wife and the sister of Taron. She navigates a web of loyalty and deceit, torn between her past and an uncertain future.

Imara’s Dilemma: Caught between suspicion and attraction, Imara struggles to trust Jack. She hides her attraction to him with anger at Alo for allowing a stranger with an unknown origin into the tribe.

Taron’s Beginning: Introduced as a spy for the Donek, Taron is torn between loyalty to his tribe and his allegiance to his sister Imara. He meets with her to keep her informed of her son.

Alo’s Dilemma: Should he promote Jack and his visions or would that lead to his own loss of power?

Imara’s Midpoint: She secretly meets with Taron to learn the fate of her son, Grigo.

Alo’s Turning Point: Alo accepts that Jack is having visions and realizes he must act on them. He pressures Jack into becoming a prophet figure for the people.

Jack’s Midpoint: Jack flees from Alo’s pressure to be a Donek prophet, not trusting himself to become like his father. He searches for the portal, and unable to find a way back to Earth, reluctantly turns back Alo when he has the vision again of Roman’s attacking.

Armann’s Beginning: Armann, a formidable leader of the Donek tribe with hidden vulnerabilities, is haunted by his past (Alo was once his mentor) and conflicted by his feelings for his wife Imara and duty to his tribe.

Turning Point: Jack has a vision of Romans attacking.

Act 4:

Essence: As alliances shift and betrayals loom, Jack’s visions lead to a collision course with destiny, testing loyalties and unraveling hidden agendas.

Armann’s Midpoint: The Hedeon leader, Armann, agrees to meet with Arkuji, an extremist bent on vengeance, to consider a plan to gain dominance over the Donek.

Imara’s Turning Point: Imara listens to Jack’s telling of his vision, hears his passion and worry for the people and decides to trust him. She pushes him to meet with the Donek leaders.

Jack’s Major Conflict: Jack agrees to talk with the Donek leaders but they distrust him. Jack goes to the Donek people, warns them but it is too late, the Hedeon attack.

Taron’s Midpoint: Confronted by Armann with his loyalty if they were to attack the Donek, Taron faces a difficult choice, since Imara, his sister is living with the Donek. We don’t know the relationship but see that the attack is displeasing to Taron, even though he swears his loyalty.

Armann’s Dilemma: Should he attack the Donek knowing Imara may be hurt and it may deepen between him and her?

Armann’s Ending: Challenged by Arkuji, Arman orders the attack on the Donek.

Taron’s dilemma: The emotional toll of conflicting loyalties. Should he share his knowledge of the imminent attack with Alo in the hopes of protecting his sister, Imara? How much information should he give him?

Taron’s Turning point: Taron meets with Alo, tells him to prepare his tribe for a possible attack. Asks him to especially protect Imara, make sure she isn’t in town on the day of the attack since Arkuji, a Hedeon warrior, will be seeking to kill her.

Jack’s Dilemma: Jack sees Alo meeting with Taron. Caught between truth and silence, Jack faces the moral quandary of confronting Alo’s clandestine meeting with Taron or maintaining the fragile peace.

Alo’s Midpoint: The revelation of Alo’s clandestine alliance with a Hedeon spy complicates his character, blurring the lines between loyalty and betrayal.

Alo’s Dilemma/Major Conflict: Alo attempts to keep Imara from going out, believing Jack’s vision and knowing the Hedeon will attack. He isn’t sure to disclose Taron’s information, not knowing that Imara has met with Taron and that she is his brother. Not having all the facts about a specific day, Imara refuses to submit, argues with Alo and storms off to find Jack.

Imara’s Dilemma: Her growing attraction to Jake after he rescues her from Arkuji faces her with a difficult choice between loyalty to Alo and the Donek and Jack and her desire for redemption with the Hedeon and continued love for Armann.

Taron’s Major Conflict: Taron attacks the Donek, even as he sees the distress it causes Imara when she sees his actions.

Turning Point/Jack’s Turning Point 2: Jack heads towards the light Orb to investigate and discovers Imara being attacked by the murderous Arkuji, and risks his life to rescue her.

Act 5:

Essence: Jack realizes the connection between Earth’s events at Masada and this world. He asks about a mountain not far from the city, learns it is called the Mesa, a place used previously as a refuge, similar to Masada.

Alo’s turning point 2: Alo brings Jack before the Donek leaders, asking them to proclaim him a prophet.

Imara’s Dilemma: Her growing attraction to Jake after he rescues her from Arkuji faces her with a difficult choice between loyalty to the Donek and Jack and her desire for redemption with the Donek and continued love for Armann.

Alo’s Ending: Alo bestows on Jack the mantle of a prophet, realizing he sees true visions.

Taron’s Endpoint: Taron meets with Imara, urges her to return to the Donek.

Imara’s Ending: Should she show allegiance to Jack as the Donek prophet or will it deepen their fragile relationship if Jack reads more into it? Should she return to the Donek?

Jack’s Ending: He finds purpose in aligning history with saving the Donek. He reluctantly accepts his role as prophet.

LOCK IN: As Jack is proclaimed a prophet among the Donek, he once again has the vision of the leader at Masada telling the people they must commit suicide.

Top of Form

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Pilot Structure

What I learned: The value of a turning point.

Teaser

Essence: Jack is on Masada discovering history, railing against the group suicide that occurred there.

Turning Point: An earthquake. Jack falls into a crevasse, disappears from sight.

Act 1:

Essence: Jack proposes to his girlfriend of 5 years but his lack of ambition, his passion for history, and his father’s misdeeds as a fraudulent tele-evangelist upsets her.

Turning Point: Jack’s girlfriend rejects his proposal, leaving him suicidal.

Act 2:

Essence: Against Jack’s better judgement, he aligns with his father’s schemes for taking money from the church and with an abusive husband who wants to buy a snake to frighten and control his wife.

Turning Point/Midpoint: An unexpected earthquake hits L.A. During the chaos, he falls into a mysterious portal into a parallel world.

Act 3:

Essence: When Jack is rescued by a spiritual leader of the Donek, he has a vision of Romans killing Jews. Alo introduces Jack to Imara, a Hedeon refugee living with Alo, who he has chemistry with. Jack discovers Imara meeting secretly with a Hedeon warrior and sees a mysterious orb of light, says nothing.

Turning Point: Jack flees from Alo’s pressure to be a Donek prophet, looks unsuccessfully for a way back to Earth. Turns back to Alo.

Act 4:

Essence: Jack has the same vision of Romans attacking, thinks the Donek are in imminent danger. The Hedeon leader, Armann, plans an attack egged on by Arkuji, an extremist bent on vengeance. Jack agrees to talk with the Donek leaders but they distrust him. Jack goes to the Donek people, warns them but it is too late, the Hedeon attack.

Turning Point: Jack heads towards the light Orb to investigate and discovers Imara being attacked by a murderous Hedeon, risks his life to rescue her.

Act 5:

Essence: Jack realizes the connection between Earth’s events at Masada and this world. He sees Imara once again, secretly meeting with Taron. The Donek proclaim Jack a prophet and he reluctantly accepts the title.

LOCK IN: As Jack is proclaimed a prophet among the Donek, he once again has the vision of the leader at Masada telling the people they must commit suicide.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Marketing Campaign

End of WIM 5! I learned so much in this class, and am looking forward to the next WIM with AI!

I am going to start sending out emails with queries. The last time I did this I received over 30 script requests so I am looking forward to this process.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s 4 Pitches

What I learned: Needed critiques from other screenwriters not in this class – seems no one in the class is at this section yet.

Elevator Pitch

Writing a story about St. Patrick facing the goddess Morrigan in a death-defying battle for the soul of a king.

Phone Pitch

Hi, I’m Margaret Silebi, and I have a script that is a unique blend of historical legend and fantasy, focusing on the transformative journey of St. Patrick.

Ask Permission: Hi! I’m Margaret Silebi and I’m wondering if I could run a quick 30 second pitch by you? The genre is a Fantasy/Drama called the Rock of Cashel. It is a unique blend of historical legend and fantasy, focusing on the transformative journey of St. Patrick.

Credibility: I am an optioned screenwriter and I came to your company because I loved the movie, “…”

Pitch Fest Pitch

Hi, I’m Margaret and I’m an optioned screenwriter.

I have a Fantasy Drama called “The Rock of Cashel.”

The Rock of Cashel is a unique blend of historical legend and fantasy, focusing on the transformative journey of Patrick, a slave who becomes a priest, battling druids and the Queen of the Irish otherworld to save a king and a nation.

Budget: $5-10 million

Actors for lead roles: Chris Pratt; Ryan Gosling

Acts:

Act 1: Patrick is kidnapped and taken to Ireland. He escapes and returns to Britain where he becomes a priest. After receiving a mission from God, he returns to the land of his slavery.

Act 2: A prophecy sets Patrick as the target for the Queen of the Otherworld, Morrigan. His mission to evangelize the people is filled with resistance, temptation, and betrayal all orchestrated by the goddess’ malevolent forces. Patrick is captured and taken to Mt. Cruachan where he faces the powers of the Otherworld.

Act 3: As Patrick faces his inner demons and grapples with the supernatural, the story culminates in a breathtaking climax. The battle between light and darkness, faith and fear, unfolds with epic proportions. Divine intervention, angels against otherworld creatures, and the unbreakable spirit of our hero lead to a triumphant conclusion.

What have I done? One feature optioned, written 3 other features, all have placed in contests, all have received a “recommend” on coverage.

Query Letter

Concept: Patrick is pitted against the Queen of the Otherworld in a death-defying battle to save the life of the King. Inspired by the life and legends of St. Patrick.

Genre: Fantasy/Drama

Is there some truth to the legends of St. Patrick?

Patrick, a young man with a restless spirit, is unwittingly drawn into a world of darkness, captured by kidnappers disguised as fishermen, and taken to Ireland. Thrust into a life of servitude under Milcho, Patrick faces the hardships of captivity and a divine calling. When an ancient prophecy makes him a threat to the Queen of the Otherworld, Morrigan, she sends Bacrah, the high king’s chief druid, to kill him.

Will the Queen of the Otherworld succeed in deterring Patrick from his mission?

Patrick escapes Bacrah and returns to Britain where he receives a mission from God. He returns to Ireland as a priest determined to share the message of God’s love. Along the way, he encounters resistance, temptation, and betrayal, all orchestrated by Morrigan’s malevolent forces. Patrick faces Bacrah at the castle, captured, and sent to Mt. Cruachan where he faces the powers of the Otherworld.

Will Patrick survive the onslaught of the Otherworld?

As Patrick faces his inner demons and grapples with the supernatural, the story culminates in a breathtaking climax. The battle between light and darkness, faith and fear, unfolds with epic proportions. Divine intervention, miraculous occurrences, and the unbreakable spirit of our hero lead to a triumphant conclusion.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO: Margaret Silebi is an optioned screenwriter.

Contact Information:

Margaret Silebi 541-525-5592

silebimargaret8@gmail.com

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/margaret-silebi-aa90b033

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Target Market

What I learned: I had completed this before, just needed to update the producers.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Amazing Inciting Incident

What I learned: the components of a Pilot

Intriguing Concept = A man who hates prophets and detests conflict becomes a prophet and leader for the Donek people.

Act 1= Jack has a father who is a tele-evangelist and fleeces his congregation. Jack can’t stand him. His girlfriend rejects his proposal because of Jack’s lack of direction and ambition. He loves history and bores everyone around him with his knowledge.

Ø Connection: Sympathy for him being rejected by his girlfriend

Ø Set up: He hates his father, who brags about his cons, getting people to send him money

Ø Cover Up: He is presented as an historian which will give himself the credibility and answers he agonizes over when he sees the visions, making him a reluctant prophet.

Midpoint=During a seismic event, Jack falls into a crevasse and portal that transports him to a parallel universe where he sees visions of the historic Masada. He realizes it foretells the Donek’s future and is forced to take action.

Lock In= Jack accepts that he is a prophet and leads the people to safety on Mesa, reminiscent of the historic Masada, wondering if he is leading them to a chilling conclusion, death by suicide. He has no choice in leading them to the Mesa because staying where they are will mean annihilation for the Donek.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Big Picture Components

What I learned: My stakes were not high enough

SERIES INFO:

<ul type=”disc”>

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Visually appealing Bible

What I learned: Helps to have a brother who is a graphic artist!

I completed the assignment with a beautiful TV Pitch Bible!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Phone Pitch

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

What I learned: Elements of a great phone pitch

Lead with credibility: Hi, I’m and optioned screenwriter, worked with two producers who say I take notes well.

Lead with a great title: N/A

Lead with a strong business hook: Hi, I’m an optioned faith-based screenwriter and have a fantasy drama. May I tell you about it in 30 seconds?

Lead with a High Concept: Hi, I’m Margaret Silebi, and I have a script that is a unique blend of historical legend and fantasy, focusing on the transformative journey of St. Patrick.

Ask Permission: Hi! I’m Margaret Silebi and I’m wondering if I could run a quick 30 second pitch by you? The genre is a Fantasy/Drama called the Rock of Cashel. It is a unique blend of historical legend and fantasy, focusing on the transformative journey of St. Patrick.

Credibility: I am an optioned screenwriter and I came to your company because I loved the movie, “…”

<ul type=”disc”>

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I Learned: Components necessary for a good pitch

Hi, I’m Margaret and I’m an optioned screenwriter.

I have a Fantasy Drama called “The Rock of Cashel.”

The Rock of Cashel is a unique blend of historical legend and fantasy, focusing on the transformative journey of Patrick, a slave who becomes a priest, battling druids and the Queen of the Irish otherworld to save a king and a nation.

Budget: $5-10 million

Actors for lead roles: Chris Pratt; Ryan Gosling

Acts:

Act 1: Patrick is kidnapped and taken to Ireland. He escapes and returns to Britain where he becomes a priest. After receiving a mission from God, he returns to the land of his slavery.

Act 2: A prophecy sets Patrick as the target for the Queen of the Otherworld, Morrigan. His mission to evangelize the people is filled with resistance, temptation, and betrayal all orchestrated by the goddess’ malevolent forces. Patrick is captured and taken to Mt. Cruachan where he faces the powers of the Otherworld.

Act 3: As Patrick faces his inner demons and grapples with the supernatural, the story culminates in a breathtaking climax. The battle between light and darkness, faith and fear, unfolds with epic proportions. Divine intervention, angels against otherworld creatures, and the unbreakable spirit of our hero lead to a triumphant conclusion.

What have I done? One feature optioned, written 3 other features, all have placed in contests, all have received a “recommend” on coverage.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Query Letter

What I learned: I needed to condense my synopsis to make it short.

Query Letter:

Title: The Rock of Cashel

Concept: Patrick is pitted against the Queen of the Otherworld in a death-defying battle to save the life of the King. Inspired by the life and legends of St. Patrick.

Genre: Fantasy/Drama

Is there some truth to the legends of St. Patrick?

Patrick, a young man with a restless spirit, is unwittingly drawn into a world of darkness, captured by kidnappers disguised as fishermen, and taken to Ireland. Thrust into a life of servitude under Milcho, Patrick faces the hardships of captivity and a divine calling. When an ancient prophecy makes him a threat to the Queen of the Otherworld, Morrigan, she sends Bacrah, the high king’s chief druid, to kill him.

Will the Queen of the Otherworld succeed in deterring Patrick from his mission?

Patrick escapes Bacrah and returns to Britain where he receives a mission from God. He returns to Ireland as a priest determined to share the message of God’s love. Along the way, he encounters resistance, temptation, and betrayal, all orchestrated by Morrigan’s malevolent forces. Patrick faces Bacrah at the castle, captured, and sent to Mt. Cruachan where he faces the powers of the Otherworld.

Will Patrick survive the onslaught of the Otherworld?

As Patrick faces his inner demons and grapples with the supernatural, the story culminates in a breathtaking climax. The battle between light and darkness, faith and fear, unfolds with epic proportions. Divine intervention, miraculous occurrences, and the unbreakable spirit of our hero lead to a triumphant conclusion.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO: Margaret Silebi is an optioned screenwriter.

Contact Information:

Margaret Silebi 541-525-5592

silebimargaret8@gmail.com

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/margaret-silebi-aa90b033

[Margaret]

Margaret’s High/Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned: Different ways to compile an elevator speech.

High Concept=St. Patrick fights the goddess Morrigan and creatures from Ireland’s otherworld in a death-defying battle to bring God’s love to the Irish. Inspired by the life and legends of St. Patrick.

Elevator Pitch

Writing a story about St. Patrick facing the goddess Morrigan in a death-defying battle to save an Irish king.

What is unique? A human fighting for the High King of Heaven against Ireland’s goddess of the otherworld.

Dilemma: Would you escape slavery only to return if it meant serving God?

Main Conflict: If St. Patrick were to be pitted against Ireland’s goddess, Morrigan, who would win?

What’s at Stake: Would Patrick be willing to sacrifice the life of another to save a nation?

Goal/Unique Opposition: How can you fight a goddess if you are only human?

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Synopsis Hooks

Vision: To be the best Faith-based Screenwriter

What I learned: Importance of using hooks for your pitch.

List of Hooks:

A. Unique – First movie that blends the fantasy legends with St. Patrick’s history

B. Great Title – The Rock of Cashel (A prominent place in Ireland with its own fantasy legend. It not only speaks to the fantasy element, but Patrick became the “Rock of faith” establishing a church on the Rock of Cashel.

C. True. N/A

D. Timely: Would be if made for a release on St. Patrick’s day 😊

E. It’s a first: First historical and fantasy blend of St. Patrick’s life.

F. Ultimate: The battle for Ireland is death-defying and needs heaven’s intervention

G. Wide audience appeal: Appeals to the faith-based audience and those who love historical fantasy.

H. Adapted from a popular book. N/A

I. Similarity to a box-office success: Braveheart; Excalibur

J. A great role for a bankable actor. Role of St. Patrick defeating the goddess Morrigan.

10 most interesting parts of the script:

1. Haven’t
   seen a story where (St.) Patrick faces the goddess Morrigan.
2. A runaway
   teen who wants to be a fisherman finds himself caught in a net, kidnapped
   and brought to Ireland as a slave.
3. Patrick
   escapes slavery in Ireland, only to return to the land of his slavery to
   share his God with the Irish.
4. Patrick
   must decide between serving a druid or sacrificing the life of a convert.
5. Patrick’s
   first convert betrays him and hands him over to death.
6. When it
   looks like the Otherworld creatures are winning the war, heaven’s angels intervene.
7. Patrick
   thinks he is speaking with his sister Alita, only to find out it is
   Morrigan, shape-shifted.
8. The King
   has his foot speared through accidentally by Patrick but instead of
   killing him, he relates it to the sacrifice of Christ on the Cross.
9. Patrick
   is given the go-ahead to kill his enemy, Bacrah, but instead forgives him.
10. The rock
    that was thrown from the mountain in the goddess Morrigan’s anger, becomes
    the seat of the Christian church in Ireland.

First Draft of Pitch:

Title: Legends of St. Patrick: The Rock of Cashel

Concept: Patrick fights the goddess Morrigan and creatures from Ireland’s otherworld in a death-defying battle to bring God’s love to the Irish. Inspired by the life and legends of St. Patrick.

Genre: Fantasy/Drama

In the heart of ancient Ireland, where myths and reality intertwine, a tale of faith, courage, and redemption unfolds.

Patrick, a young man with a restless spirit, and his sister Alita are unwittingly drawn into a world of darkness, captured by kidnappers disguised as fishermen, and taken to Ireland. Separated from his sister and thrust into a life of servitude under Milcho, Patrick faces the hardships of captivity and a divine calling. When an ancient prophecy makes him a threat to the Queen of the Otherworld, Morrigan, she sends Bacrah, the high king’s chief druid, to kill him.

Will the Queen of the Otherworld succeed in deterring (St.) Patrick from his mission?

Patrick escapes Bacrah and returns to Britain where he receives a mission from God. He returns to Ireland as a priest determined to share the message of God’s love. Along the way, he encounters resistance, temptation, and betrayal, all orchestrated by Morrigan’s malevolent forces. Patrick faces Bacrah at the castle, captured, and sent to Mt. Cruachan where he faces the powers of the Otherworld.

Will (St.) Patrick survive the onslaught of the Otherworld?

As Patrick faces his inner demons and grapples with the supernatural, the story culminates in a breathtaking climax. The battle between light and darkness, faith and fear, unfolds with epic proportions. Divine intervention, miraculous occurrences, and the unbreakable spirit of our hero lead to a triumphant conclusion.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s 10 most interesting things

What I learned: I do have interesting components of the script that would interest the producer.

10 most interesting things:

1. Haven’t
   seen a story where (St.) Patrick faces the goddess Morrigan.
2. A runaway
   teen who wants to be a fisherman finds himself caught in a net, kidnapped
   and brought to Ireland as a slave.
3. Patrick
   escapes slavery in Ireland, only to return to the land of his slavery to
   share his God with the Irish.
4. Patrick
   must decide between serving a druid or sacrificing the life of a convert.
5. Patrick’s
   first convert betrays him and hands him over to death.
6. When it
   looks like the Otherworld creatures are winning the war, heaven’s angels intervene.
7. Patrick
   thinks he is speaking with his sister Alita, only to find out it is
   Morrigan, shape-shifted.
8. The King
   has his foot speared through accidentally by Patrick but instead of
   killing him, he relates it to the sacrifice of Christ on the Cross.
9. Patrick
   is given the go-ahead to kill his enemy, Bacrah, but instead forgives him.
10. The rock
    that was thrown from the mountain in the goddess Morrigan’s anger, becomes
    the seat of the Christian church in Ireland.

[Margaret]

Margaret Meets Producer/Manager

What I learned today: Strategies for talking with producer and managers.

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

My name, that I am a faith-based writer that has worked with two producers previously, who both told me “I take notes well”. I am presenting a story with unique take on the life of St. Patrick that would have wide appeal for the faith-based audience and anyone who loves historical fantasy and a great role for a male lead.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to a manager?

My name, that I am a faith-based writer with 6 scripts ready to market. Two producers have told me I take notes well, and I am willing to listen, learn, and do what is necessary to get these scripts to market.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Marketable components

What I learned: I needed to change my concept to make it more marketable. The elements were in the script, just need to be heightened.

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[Margaret]

Margaret’s project & market

What I learned: The importance of specifying who you will market before designing the pitch.

Title: The Rock of Cashel

Genre: Fantasy Drama

Concept: A slave becomes a priest and fights druids and creatures from Ireland’s Otherworld to save the king and change the culture of a nation.

What I like about my screenplay: It is a unique blend of historical legend and fantasy, focusing on the transformative journey of (St.) Patrick. This take on Patrick hasn’t been done before.

Who I will target: Angel studios since they are faith-based and just released a fantasy film.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

What I learned: Still finding grammar/spelling errors! I was able to tighten it up, though. 🙂

SHOW TITLE

Echoes of Masada: A Time Bending Sci-Fi Drama

GENRE

Sci-Fi Drama

CONCEPT

Transported to an alien planet, a man relives Masada’s historic siege through echoes, tasked with altering its outcome to save a nation from impending annihilation.

WORLD

Echoing Realm on a Parallel World

SHOW SUMMARY

After waiting five years to propose, the unambitious Jake was not expecting a shocking refusal. Plunged into despair, Jake’s life takes a surreal twist when a seismic event thrusts him into a crevasse, transporting him to an alternate reality on an alien planet. Here, he becomes entangled in a conflict between two warring tribes, the Hedeon and the Donek.

Jake is forced to seek refuge under the Donek’s spiritual guide, Alo, even though he distrusts all religious leaders. He grapples with concealing his Earthly origins while seeking a way home. As he navigates this alien world, visions of Masada’s historic siege transform Jake into an unexpected prophet, adding layers of mystery to his journey.

Tensions rise between the tribes, and the Donek face internal division. Jake’s pursuit of truth among the Donek leaders unravels perilous secrets, and when the Orb—a pivotal element in Donek spirituality—demands his acceptance, he defiantly refuses, triggering a dangerous escape into forbidden Hedeon Territory.

Captured by the Hedeon leader, Armann, Jake faces a moral dilemma when asked to locate Armann’s wife, who had fled to the Donek. His refusal leads to imprisonment, but a daring escape sets the stage for a complex web of alliances that will shape the fate of the alien world.

Upon his return to the Donek, Jake must navigate political intrigue, tribal distrust, and personal relationships to prevent an impending annihilation by the Hedeon. As visions of death and betrayal intensify, Jake struggles to alter the course of history on the alien planet, where alliances shift, secrets unravel, and the stakes escalate.

Immersed in the Donek tribe, Jake faces the ultimate question: Can he succeed in preventing the foreseen annihilation, or is he destined to witness the catastrophic outcome he desperately seeks to avert?

As alliances continue to shift and secrets unravel, the looming question remains: Can Jake alter the outcome of Masada’s historic siege, or is he fated to witness the annihilation he strives to prevent?

CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS

Jake:

Jake, a history enthusiast harboring a strategic mind, has a shadowed past entwined with a fraudulent tele-evangelist father. His reluctance towards spiritual leaders is put to the test when he is thrust into a parallel world through a portal during a seismic event. Haunted by visions of the historic Masada siege, Jake’s extensive knowledge becomes a pivotal factor in forging alliances. As a reluctant prophet among the Donek tribe, his passive nature is challenged when he is unexpectedly thrust into a leadership role amid the pending annihilation of the Donek tribe.

Armann:

The formidable Hedeon leader, Armann, conceals a hidden vulnerability. Concealing a traumatic betrayal within his own Donek family, he defected to the Hedeon, harboring a secret plan to attack the Donek tribe. Complex relationships, clandestine knowledge about Taron, a spy, and conflicted feelings for his estranged wife, Imara, add layers of intrigue and potential betrayal, challenging the stability of both tribes.

Alo:

Alo, the spiritual leader of the Donek, grapples with doubts about Jake’s visions of Masada’s echoes. Carrying a hidden burden of being a secret Earthling, Alo fosters suspicions about Jake’s origin. Engaged in a clandestine alliance with Hedeon commander, Taron, for covert peace talks, Alo adds complexity to alliances and secrets. His inner turmoil and competition with Jake for the tribe’s trust create intrigue, questioning the authenticity of his leadership.

Imara:

Imara, a bridge between Hedeon and Donek, navigates the complexities of hidden relationships and conspiracies. With a secret identity as Armann’s wife and Taron’s sister, Imara battles conflicting loyalties while striving to protect her son, Grigo. Orchestrating secret plans with Jake to kidnap her son, Imara’s internal struggle and attraction to both Armann and Jake create a captivating character driven by the desire for redemption and family reunification.

Taron:

Taron, a conflicted Hedeon soldier, emerges as a character engaged in hidden relationships and conspiracies as a spy for the Donek. His pivotal role in providing critical information to Jake, Imara, and Alo, along with his internal struggle with loyalties, adds depth to the unfolding drama. Taron’s web of alliances and secrets stirs controversy between Jake and Alo and making him a compelling figure in the narrative.

FIRST SEASON EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS

Episode 1 – Prophecy’s Silent Cry

Jake’s love life crumbles as his girlfriend leaves, citing his lack of ambition. A seismic event thrusts him into an alternate reality through a portal opened by the Orb, an otherworldly entity. He awakes on “Birthing Day,” surrounded by lizards and snakes, confused, running for his life.

Jake aligns with the spiritual leader, Alo, concealing his Earthly origin. Visions of Masada transform him into a reluctant prophet. After saving a Donek woman Imara, from a murderous Hedeon, Jake has a vision of impending danger. Will the tribe’s leaders heed his warnings?

Episode 2: The Orb’s Beckoning

Tribal leaders ignore Jake’s warnings and strife escalates as the Hedeon persecute the Donek, plunging the Donek into chaos.

When the Orb, a luminous spiritual ball, approaches Jake, he rejects it, causing tensions to rise and suspicions to surround him. Alo warns of Jake’s expulsion if he continues to resist. Jake questions Alo’s sincerity while the Donek split their loyalties between Alo and Jake.

Jake discovers that Imara secretly meets with Taron, a Hedeon, and that two Donek leaders, Merek and Sefa, only feign allegiance to the Orb. Fearing he is on the wrong side of the conflict, Jake ventures into forbidden Hedeon Territory and is captured. Will he survive?

Episode 3: Dilemma’s Haunting Echo

Captured by Armann, the Hedeon leader, Jake faces a dilemma when Armann asks him to locate his wife among the Donek. Jake refuses and is imprisoned. Unexpectantly, Armann’s commander, Taron, assists Jake’s escape.

Jake’s harrowing flight through Hedeon territory leaves Jake with no choice but to return to the Donek. Will he be accepted back?

Episode 4: The Sound of Political Intrigue

Accepted back among the Donek, Jake seeks Armann’s wife identity to warn her, but distrust of Jake’s intent leaves the tribe close-mouthed.

Lyra, Armann’s political advisor, tells Armann his wife is dead, revealing her own desire for Armann. Armann breaks the news to his son, and Arkuji, a political extremist, encourages him to act on his plan to kill the Donek.

Imara discloses that she will be meeting again with Taron, which raises tensions with Jake and their budding friendship. Armann discovers the secret meeting between Taron and Imara and realizes Taron is a spy and his wife, Imara, is alive. Will he force Imara’s return?

Episode 5: Death’s Whisper

Armann shares with Lyra that his wife is alive and he plans to bring her back, his love for Imara is evident. Angered and feeling rejected, Lyra enlists Arkuji to find and kill her.

Jake newest vision feeds his growing distrust of Alo, wondering if he will cause the tribe’s annihilation.

Armann uses false information to undermine Alo’s credibility while Arkuji infiltrates the Donek tribe. Arkuji corners Imara, tells Jake he is just taking her back to her husband but pulls a knife. Will Jake save her?

Episode 6: Love Calls

Jake rescues Imara. Arkuji flees. A grateful Imara grapples with her feelings for Jake. She reveals she is Armann’s wife, fleeing after Lyra told her that she was having an affair with Armann. Depressed, Jake looks for a way back to Earth but is confronted by the Orb. Jake accepts the Orb and becomes a true Donek.

Armann learns that Arkuji attempted to kill Imara. Arkuji spreads the rumor of Armann’s alleged affair, and Armann faces expulsion from the tribe. Will Armann be able to prove his allegiance to the Hedeon? Not welcome with the Donek, where would he go?

Episode 7: The Donek’s Wail

Armann plans a catastrophic attack on the Donek to regain the tribe’s trust.

Jake has a vision of a temple burning. His shares the vision with the tribal leaders but Alo, to regain control, tells the Donek to ignore Jake’s vision and plans a celebration at the temple. Armann hears about the celebration and plots to burn down the temple and capture Imara.

Armann starts the fire during the celebration and the Hedeon attack. Will the tribe be annihilated?

Episode 8: Masada’s Echoing Call

Alo, shattered by the temple’s destruction, thrusts Jake into a leadership role. After a strengthening from the Orb, Jake accepts.

Armann gains esteem after his victory at the temple, even though Imara was not captured. He vows to annihilate the Donek. Jake has another vision and leads the Donek on a perilous journey to the Mesa, a stronghold resembling Masada. Will they survive if Armann decides to attack? Will history repeat itself? Will the tribe die on the Mesa?

FIVE SEASONS EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS

Season 1: Masada Calls

A seismic event thrusts a passive Jake into a parallel world where he relives the historic siege of Masada through mysterious echoes. Is history repeating itself? Jake evolves from rejection to the leader of the Donek tribe, aligning himself with a Hedeon spy and a woman who has taken refuge with the Donek. Can they be trusted?

Cliffhanger: The Donek seek refuge on the Mesa as Armann plans to annihilate them.

Season 2: The Echoes

Settled at the Mesa, Jake sees visions of the historic Masada and recognizes the parallels, both historical and spiritual, in this world to Earth. Armann discovers a secret tunnel into Masada. Alo appoints Merek to oversee the resources, against Jake’s advice. Merek sets up a black market while the Donek seal the tunnel entrance. Jake struggles with the burden of the echoes.

Cliffhanger: Jake wakes from another vision. He lies in his bed, appalled at his thoughts. Armann reaches the blocked tunnel entrance and attempts to open it up. Will he succeed?

Season 3: Fractured Echoes

The Hedeon are thwarted from entering the tunnel. Frustrated, Armann summons his army to encircle the Mesa, and confusing echoes fracture the unity of the Donek. Jake struggles with his attraction to Imara and the Donek learn of Imara’s secret identity as Armann’s wife. Will she be forced to leave the Mesa? To protect his son from expulsion, Armann covers up that Grigo has accepted the Orb. Will the Hedeon follow a leader that cannot protect his own son?

Cliffhanger: A hidden plan by Jake and Imara to kidnap Armann’s son, Grigo, leads to the revelation of Merek’s and Sefa’s betrayal and theft of Donek resources. With food supplies dwindled, will the Donek starve before they can overcome the Hedeon threat?

Season 4: Fading Echoes

Masada echoes diminish, causing the Donek to question Jake’s origin, with rumors that he is really Armann’s spy. He learns of Alo’s true identity and spiritual purpose and wonders at his own role while the Orb is silent. His voice as prophet silent, will he be expelled from the tribe? Armann takes aggressive action, begins building a ramp up to the Mesa. Will he be successful and breach the wall? Will he kill the Donek or take them captive?

Cliffhanger: In a daring raid, Jake kidnaps Armann’s son and reunites Grigo with Imara while Armann’s soldiers complete the ramp, a breach imminent. Will the Donek survive?

Season 5: Masada’s Last Echo

With the Hedeon threat, Alo plans a mass suicide for the Donek. In a death-defying move, Jake helps Imara escape the Mesa with Grigo. Jake faces Armann in a high-stakes stand-off and sacrifices his life. Both he and Armann plummet off the cliff, leaving a portal unexpectedly open, swallowing Jake and leaving Armann’s fate uncertain.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Titles

What I learned – I only needed a little tweaking to keep a theme consistent.

New Titles (Used theme “sounds” for First Season and “Echoes” for Seasons

Episode 1: Prophecy’s Silent Cry

Episode 2: The Orb’s Beckoning

Episode 3: Dilemma’s Haunting Echo

Episode 4: The Sound of Political Intrigue

Episode 5: Death’s Whisper

Episode 6: Love Calls

Episode 7: The Donek’s Wail

Episode 8: Masada’s Echoing Call

Season 1: Masada Calls

Season 2: The Echoes

Season 3: Fractured Echoes

Season 4: Fading Echoes

Season 5: Masada’s Last Echo

[Margaret]

Margaret presents non-stop intrigue

What I learned: I was too wordy and my intrigue was buried in fluff.

I used ChapGPT and ScreenwritingU’s Feedback analysis to help me hone in and improve my TV Bible. It is 50X better! 🙂

[Margaret]

Margaret presents Non-Stop Intrigue

What I learned: I could feed A.I. the assignment and asked it to review each section.

What I changed: I had to change elements of each section, taking about fluff, writing in lines to increase the intrigue.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Intrigue Patterns

What I learned: The majority of my lines were boring!

Original: Jake learns about the Mesa, a place resembling Masada, and gathers the tribe, convinces them to leave their homes and flee there for safety. The Donek gather their possessions, go up to the Mesa.

Strong Statement: Jake convinces the tribe to relocate to the Mesa, a stronghold resembling Masada, hoping that that history will not repeat itself.

Shocking: Jake convinces the tribe to relocate to the Mesa, a stronghold resembling Masada, hoping that Alo will not plan the tribe’s extinction.

Question: Jake convinces the tribe to relocate to the Mesa, a stronghold resembling Masada. Will Taron use this information to betray the Donek?

Worried: Jake takes over and leads the Donek to the Mesa, but will Alo allow him to remain a leader once they are there?

Wrong: Jake leads the Donek to the Mesa, a stronghold resembling Masada, but could this move set them on a repeat of history, determining the tribe’s fate?

Pattern: Jake has never stepped up to a leadership position. If he takes leadership now, will the Donek follow?

If: If Jake takes the Donek to the Mesa, a stronghold resembling Masada, will history repeat itself?

Mystery: Jake leads the Donek to the Mesa, a stronghold resembling Masada. Is he leading them to their death?

Intense Language: Jake leads the Donek on a perilous journey to the Mesa, a stronghold resembling Masada. Will they survive if Armann decides to attack? Will history repeat itself? Will the tribe die on the Mesa?

[Margaret]

Margaret’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation

What I learned: I created an A.I. prompt that helped me brainstorm all the components of investigation.

Parts changed:

Alo is an Earthling – like Jake

Merek & Sefa of the Donek tribe never really accepted the Orb

The Orb sent Jake on this journey in the first place

Taron is Imara’s brother

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Show Summary

What I learned: I wrote my summary first, but found of a mix of AI’s version and mine was better.

Show Summary:

After waiting five years to propose, the unambitious Jake was not expecting a refusal. His depression is enhanced by a seismic event that catapults him into a crevasse and an alternate reality on an alien planet, caught in a conflict between two warring tribes, the Hedeon and Donek. Jake aligns himself with the Donek tribe, sheltered by their spiritual leader, Alo. He conceals his Earthly origins while grappling with a longing to return home.

Visions of Masada’s historic siege transform Jake into an unexpected prophet. When tensions between the two tribes escalate, the Donek are torn with internal division. Jake’s pursuit of truth among the Donek leaders reveals perilous secrets. When the Orb, a pivotal element in Donek spirituality, approaches him demanding his acceptance, he refuses and flees the brewing conflict. Jake ventures into forbidden Hedeon Territory, facing an uncertain fate.

Captured by the Hedeon leader, Armann, Jake faces a dilemma when asked to locate Armann’s wife, who had fled to the Donek. Refusing, he is imprisoned but escapes, setting the stage for a complex web of alliances.

Jake’s return to the Donek is fraught with challenges. Seeking to prevent an impending annihilation by the Hedeon, he must navigate political intrigue, tribal distrust, and personal relationships. As visions of death and betrayal intensify, Jake struggles to alter the course of history on the alien planet.

Will Jake, now fully immersed in the Donek tribe, succeed in preventing the annihilation foreseen in his visions? As alliances shift, secrets unravel, and the stakes escalate, the ultimate question looms: Can Jake alter the outcome of Masada’s historic siege, or is he destined to witness the annihilation he desperately seeks to prevent?

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Episode Descriptions

What I learned: New ideas keep coming every time I review!

Episode Descriptions

Episode 1 – A New Voice: Jake’s ordinary life takes an extraordinary turn when a seismic event propels him into an alternate reality. Caught in a conflict between the Hedeon and Donek tribes, Jake, a passive individual, aligns with the spiritual leader, Alo, of the Donek. Concealing his Earthly origins, Jake wrestles with a longing to return home. Visions of Masada’s historic siege transform Jake into an unexpected prophet. His journey gains momentum as he saves a Donek woman, Imara, from a murderous Hedeon, Arkuji. Bolstered by newfound confidence, Jake shares a crucial vision of impending danger with the Donek leaders.

Episode 2: The Orb Beckons: Tribal strife escalates as the Hedeon launch an onslaught, plunging the Donek into chaos. Jake’s pursuit of truth among the Donek leaders reveals perilous secrets within a tribe on the brink of fracture. When the Orb, a luminous ball, a pivotal element in Donek spirituality, approaches Jake, he initially rejects it. Alo warns of Jake’s expulsion if he continues to resist the Orb. Fleeing the brewing Donek conflict, Jake ventures into the forbidden Hedeon Territory, facing an uncertain fate.

Episode 3: The Hedeon’s Summon: Captured by Armann, the Hedeon leader, Jake faces a dilemma when Armann asks him to locate his wife, who had fled to the Donek, and bring her back. Refusing, he is imprisoned, but a twist of fate involving Armann’s commander, Taron, leads to Jake’s escape. Jake’s harrowing flight through Hedeon territory leaves Jake with no choice but to return to the Donek. But will he be accepted back?

Episode 4: A Political Cry: Accepted back among the Donek, Jake seeks the identity of Armann’s wife to tell her of Armann’s plans, but distrust of Jake’s intent leaves the tribe close-mouthed. Lyra, Armann’s political advisor, tells Armann his wife is dead, revealing her own desire for Armann. When Imara discloses that she will be meeting with Taron, Jake queries her reason. She refuses to answer, leaving him feeling rejected and unwilling to share his newest vision. When Armann discovers the secret meeting between Taron and Imara, he overhears their conversation and realizes Taron is a spy and his wife is alive.

Episode 5: Death’s Whisper: Armann shares with Lyra that his wife is alive. Lyra enlists Arkuji to find and kill Imara. Jake sees a vision of dead Jews and his growing distrust of Alo leads him to suspect that Alo will cause the tribe’s annilhation. Armann feeds Taron false information about an assassination attempt on Alo. When the news reaches Alo, he uses vital Donek resources to protect himself. When the rumor proves false, Alo loses credibility. Arkuji infiltrates the Donek tribe, corners Imara.

Episode 6: Love Calls: Jake rescues Imara, grapples with his feelings for her, discovers she is Armann’s wife. Depressed, he looks for a way back to Earth but is confronted by the Orb. Jake accepts the Orb and becomes a true Donek. Armann learns that Arkuji attempted to kill Imara. He confronts Arkuji in front of Hedeon leadership, but to deflect, Arkuji lies, states that he learned Imara fled since Armann and Lyra were having an affair. The council wants to expel Armann from the tribe but Armann vows to disprove this, states he will bring Imara back to prove Arkuji’s lies.

Episode 7: The Donek’s Scream: Jake has a vision of a temple burning. His power in the tribe has increased since he accepted the Orb and so Alo, to regain control, tells the Donek to ignore Jake’s interpretation of the vision and plans a celebration at the Donek temple. Armann hears about the celebration and plots to burn down the temple and capture Imara. When the celebration time comes, the Donek, including Jake and Imara, flock to the temple. Armann starts the fire, the Donek flee.

Episode 8: Masada Calls: Alo, broken after learning how many Donek died at the temple, thrusts Jake into a leadership role. After a strengthening from the Orb, Jake accepts. Armann gains esteem after his victory at the temple, even though Imara was not captured. He vows to annihilate the Donek. Taron takes this message to the Donek. Jake has a vision of the Jews going up to Masada. Jake learns about the Mesa, a place resembling Masada, and gathers the tribe, convinces them to leave their homes and flee there for safety. The Donek gather their possessions, go up to the Mesa.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s episode List Rough Draft

What I learned – I had a very hard time just making bullet points, I wanted to make a complete sentence but it is still a rough draft.

Masada – Season 1 Episodes

1. Beginning…………………………………………………………….Season
   End/Cliffhanger

Beginning: Jake’s lack of ambition takes his love life for a nosedive, but when a massive earthquake opens a portal to a tyrannical world, it transforms the passive Jake into an unexpected rebel leader against the Hedeon dictator, Armann.

Ending: Jake, now a reluctant prophet, experiences vivid visions of the historic Masada siege. He leads the Donek tribe to take refuge at the Mesa, a stronghold reminiscent of Masada, as Armann’s plan to annihilate the Donek becomes imminent.

2. Mystery Set
   up……………………………………………………………Mystery Solved

Where is Jake? Transported to a parallel universe

Who is Armann’s Wife? Imara

Why does Jake mistrust spiritual leaders? Father was a fraudulent tele-evangelist

Why does Arkuji harbor so much hate? Parents killed by the Donek

What is the Orb? A spiritual being that guides anyone who accepts him.

3. Lead Character
   journey begins………….……………….Journey peaks, but continues.

Begins as an unambitious, ordinary pet store worker. Ends as rebel prophet & leader.

4. ………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer.

· Jake’s Father a fraudulent tele-evangelist makes him leery of spiritual leaders

· The Orb appears and its role is a mystery

· Taron and Imara have a past relationship tied to Armann

· Taron is a spy

· Lyra has political interest in leading the Hedeon tribe

· Lyra is attracted to Armann, wants Imara dead so she can marry him

· Grigo is Imara and Armann’s son

· Alo was adopted by the Donek but is in reality from a Nomadic spiritual tribe that was wiped out by a plague

· Jake lies about his origin

· Akuji’s parents were killed by the Donek

5. Make a list of
   the major Story Lines.

Main Story Line: Survival of the Donek against the Hedeon aggression.

Story Line 2: Jake tries to find his way back to Earth

.Story Line 3: Jake sees visions of the historic Masada siege that foretell what will happen in this world.

Story Line 4: Imara wants to be reunited with her son, Grigo.

Story Line 5: Lyra wants Imara dead so she can marry Armann, enlists Arkuji plots Imara’s death.

Story Line 6: Taaba (God) wants all on this world to accept the Orb, the Orb approaches all throughout the story, with some rejecting and some accepting. Those who reject are told that they will be destroyed when Taaba returns. None of the Hedeon have accepted the Orb. The majority of the Donek have.

Story Line 7: Taron (Armann’s commander) is in touch with Imara to keep her informed of her son and becomes a spy for the Donek.

Story Line 8: Imara is attracted to Jake but wants to be reunited with Armann.

Story Line 9: Arkuji wants revenge on the Donek for the death of his parents

Episode 1 – A New Voice

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[Margaret]

Margaret’s Five Seasons

What I learned: My awe of A.I. is lessening. I had to do a lot of rework on A.I.’s suggestions, make it my own.

Season 1: Masada Calls

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Jake, an ordinary man, becomes a reluctant prophet on an alien planet, reliving the historic siege of Masada through mysterious echoes, tasked with altering its outcome to save a warring nation.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: Jake evolves from personal rejection because of his lack of ambition to the leader of the Donek tribe, facing mystical challenges as he experiences echoes, tribal conflicts, and the tyrannical Hedeon dictator Armann.

C. Main Conflict: From personal rejection, Jake finds himself entangled in a tribal conflict, escalating to the survival of an entire tribe against the Hedeon threat.

D. Main Mystery/Layers: Jake’s enigmatic past, the significance of the spiritual Orb, and the dangerous political landscape add mystery and complexity.

E. Cliffhanger: The Donek tribe seeks refuge on the Mesa as Armann’s plan to annihilate them becomes imminent, setting the stage for further mysteries and conflicts.

Season 2: The Echoes

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Settled at the Mesa, the Donek tribe faces external threats, internal power struggles, and Jake’s evolving leadership, driven by enigmatic Masada echoes.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: The struggle for leadership intensifies, delving into Jake’s alliance with Imara (a Hedeon who sought refuge with the Donek), Alo’s spiritual background, and Armann’s complex history as a Donek.

C. Main Conflict: The Mesa becomes the battleground for Jake’s leadership, as Alo threatens to expel him, and he ventures into the Hedeon tribe, exploring dangerous territory where his loyalty is tested.

D. Main Mystery/Layers: Armann discovers a spy, Taron, but hides his knowledge to use Taron as a pawn. Alo’s background is exposed (not a Donek or Hedeon, but from a spiritual Nomadic tribe) which deepens spiritual and leadership complexities in the tribe.

E. Cliffhanger: Jake’s vision hints at impending danger, but goes unheeded as the Donek tribe faces a leadership split, setting the stage for a dramatic struggle between Donek and Hedeon.

Season 3: Fractured Echoes

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: The Hedeon tribe encircles the Mesa, posing threats while internal conflicts, revealed secrets, dwindling resources and confusing echoes fracture the unity of the Donek tribe.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: The Donek face an imminent threat from the Hedeon, internal conflicts, and the consequences of revealed secrets, leading to a major betrayal.

C. Main Conflict: The encirclement by Hedeon intensifies. The confusing messages from the Masada echoes create uncertainty among the Donek tribe, adding complexity as internal conflicts and betrayal shake the foundations of trust within the tribes.

D. Main Mystery/Layers: Merek’s reckless distribution of food supplies, Imara’s hidden allegiances (to Taron the spy) and her secret identity as Armann’s wife is revealed, and Grigo’s acceptance of the Orb unravel hidden layers of character history and motivations.

E. Cliffhanger: The encirclement by the Hedeon set the stage for a hidden plan by Merek and Sefa to silence Jake, leads to a revelation that will shape the upcoming season.

Season 4: Echoes Fade

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Masada echoes diminish, causing doubt among the Donek. Armann takes aggressive action as Jake leads a daring raid with Imara, capturing Armann’s son, Grigo.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: Jake’s connection with the echoes is questioned as the conflict between tribes intensifies, culminating in a daring raid and kidnapping that add layers of complexity.

C. Main Conflict: The fading echoes create uncertainty within the Donek tribe as Armann’s impatience escalates the conflict with daring raids and kidnappings.

D. Main Mystery/Layers: The diminishing echoes, misinterpretations, and internal power struggles reveal hidden plans by Armann to use secret tunnels to attack the Donek, while Jake and Imara plan the kidnapping of Armann and Imara’s son, Grigo.

E. Cliffhanger: In a dramatic struggle, Jake leads a daring raid, capturing Armann’s son Grigo, adding complexity to the relationships between tribes.

Season 5: The Echoes Ascent: Cliffhanger

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: The Hedeon’s breakthrough into the Donek’s stronghold is imminent, pushing both tribes to the brink. Alo suggests a mass suicide plan, and Jake faces Armann in a high-stakes stand-off.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: The tribes reach a critical juncture as the Hedeon’s advance threatens destruction. Alo’s surprising plan adds a layer of complexity, and Jake confronts Armann in a decisive stand-off.

C. Main Conflict: The imminent breakthrough, mass suicide suggestion, and high-stakes stand-off create intense conflicts that push both tribes to their limits.

D. Main Mystery/Layers: Revealed mysteries include Imara’s secret meetings with Armann, and Jake’s origin as an Earthling.

E. Cliffhanger: The season culminates in a dramatic struggle on the Mesa, where Jake and Armann grapple near the edge of a cliff. In a shocking turn, Jake sacrifices his life and both plummet off, leaving a portal unexpectedly open, swallowing Jake and leaving Armann’s fate uncertain.

5 SEASON SUMMARY

Season 1: Masada Calls A seismic event thrusts a passive Jake into a parallel world where he relives the historic siege of Masada through mysterious echoes. He evolves from rejection to the leader of the Donek tribe, facing tribal conflicts and the tyrannical Hedeon dictator Armann. Cliffhanger: The Donek tribe seeks refuge on the Mesa as Armann’s plan to annihilate them becomes imminent.

Season 2: The Echoes Settled at the Mesa, the Donek tribe faces external threats, internal power struggles, and Jake’s evolving leadership driven by enigmatic Masada echoes. As Jake ventures into the Hedeon tribe, loyalty is tested, and a leadership split sets the stage for a dramatic struggle between Donek and Hedeon. Cliffhanger: Jake’s vision hints at impending danger as the tribes face a leadership split.

Season 3: Fractured Echoes The Hedeon tribe encircles the Mesa, posing threats while internal conflicts, revealed secrets, dwindling resources, and confusing echoes fracture the unity of the Donek tribe. The encirclement intensifies, creating uncertainty and shaking the foundations of trust. Cliffhanger: A hidden plan by Merek and Sefa to silence Jake leads to a revelation that will shape the upcoming season.

Season 4: Fading Echoes Masada echoes diminish, causing doubt as Armann takes aggressive action. Armann plans a daring raid as the fading echoes reveal hidden plans, major betrayals, and character intrigues. The season ends with a dramatic struggle, as Jake kidnaps Armann’s son, leading to the complexity of relationships between tribes, setting the stage for an uncertain future.

Season 5: Masada’s Last Echo The Hedeon’s breakthrough into the Donek’s stronghold is imminent, pushing both tribes to the brink. Alo suggests a mass suicide plan, and Jake faces Armann in a high-stakes stand-off. Intense conflicts lead to a shocking turn: Jake sacrifices his life, and both plummet off the cliff, leaving a portal unexpectedly open, swallowing Jake and leaving Armann’s fate uncertain.

[Margaret]

Margaret is a Proofreading Star!

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

What I learned: Too many exclamation points! Also, I am still finding spelling errors even after reading it 10 times!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Feedback Exchange

Title: The Rock of Cashel

email address: silebi@hotmail.com

Genre: Faith-based Fantasy

High Concept: A slave becomes a priest and fights druids
and creatures from Ireland’s otherworld to save the king and change the
culture of a nation.

[Margaret]

What I learned doing this assignment is?

I used my previous history with Chat GPT to make a very quick summary of the characters

Character Pitches:

Jake

Start: Pet store worker transported to an alien planet

Middle: Becomes a reluctant leader for the Donek as he channels Masada’s echoes

End: Forms secret alliance with Imara to kidnap her son and with a spy – a Hedeon soldier

Jake, a former pet store worker with a turbulent past rooted in a fraudulent tele-evangelist father, harbors a reluctance toward spiritual leaders. Transported to an alien world, his mysterious origin raises questions among the Donek tribe, especially when he becomes the reluctant prophet figure. As Jake navigates the complexities of the Masada event, his mysterious past and evolving alliances, especially his growing connection with Imara, introduce an unpredictable element that could reshape the delicate balance between the Donek and Hedeon tribes.

Armann

Start: Rejection of the Donek

Middle: Plan to attack the Donek

End: Plans to reunite with Imara even as he plans to destroy the tribe she has aligned herself with

Armann, the formidable Hedeon leader, conceals a hidden vulnerability stemming from a traumatic betrayal within his own Donek family. Born a Donek, he rejected the Orb and joined the Hedeon, harboring a secret plan to attack the Donek tribe. His complex relationships, especially his clandestine knowledge about Taron and his conflicted feelings for Imara, add layers of intrigue and potential betrayal that challenge the stability of both tribes.

Alo

Start: Spiritual leader of the Donek

Middle: Places Jake in a leadership position

End: Finds himself competing with Jake for control of the Donek tribe

Alo, the spiritual leader of the Donek, grapples with doubts about the true source of Jake’s visions and the interpretation of Masada’s echoes. His hidden burden of uncertainty, coupled with a clandestine alliance with Taron for covert peace talks, creates a web of complexity. Alo’s inner turmoil and subtle competition with Jake for the tribe’s trust add layers of intrigue, questioning the authenticity of his leadership and the path towards reconciliation.

Imara

Start: Imara is the wife of Armann and mother of Grigo

Middle: Imara plots with Jake to kidnap her son from his father (Armann) who has custody

End: Accepts the Orb and wants to convince Armann to do the same

Imara, a bridge between Hedeon and Donek, navigates the complexities of her hidden relationships and conspiracies. With a secret identity as Armann’s wife, she battles conflicting loyalties, striving to protect her son Grigo and orchestrating secret plans with Jake. Imara’s internal struggle and attraction to both Armann and Jake create a captivating character, shrouded in mystery and driven by the desire for redemption and family reunification.

Taron

Start: Dedicated Hedeon commander

Middle: Becomes a spy for the Donek

End: Provides spy information for both Jake and Alo, unbeknownst to each other, but secretly known by Armann who uses that information to stir the controversy between Jake and Alo and feed them false information.

Taron, a conflicted Hedeon soldier, engages in hidden relationships and conspiracies as a spy for the Donek. He engages in intricate political maneuvering, providing information to Jake and Alo. His internal struggle and pivotal role in stirring controversy between Jake and Alo make Taron a compelling character in the unfolding drama.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Intriguing Concept and World

What I learned doing this assignment is?

That there are two “echoes” in this story, physical and faith-based, and that the story can be used to teach a lesson from history, so we don’t repeat the race wars past generations have embraced.

1. Concept.Transported to an alien planet, a mild-mannered man relives Masada’s historic siege through echoes, tasked with altering its outcome to save a warring nation from impending annihilation.

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[Margaret]

Margaret’s Wordsmithing!

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

What I learned: I thought I had fixed all the unnecessary words but I was wrong! This was a valuable exercise. What I learned though, was that doing this same exercise in other classes limited the number of changes I had to make. I must unconsciously not be choosing to use words like “are” and “is.”

Changes I made: I think the biggest change was finding the number of times I used “turn” or “turns”. What I found was that the word is rarely necessary. I cut almost every instance of “turn” out of my script.

I also eliminated some “ing” words. I found that when I used gerunds the sentence was not concise or not strong enough.

“Look” was another one that caught me. I was able to change 75% of my “look” to other words that had more meaning.

[Margaret]

Margaret has completed the BW Framework!

What I learned: Lots of moving parts! I am trying to get my arms around everything I know about the plot/characters. This format is a great way to visualize quickly but I’m having trouble being concise!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Creating Irony!

What I learned: How to create irony for the TV series.

Irony in show “24”

· Mother/daughter with bad relationship are thrown together and must fight to survive.

· Nina finds herself working for a boss that used to work for her.

· Many escapes only to be driven by Jack (his enemy)

· The “father” who Nina trusted to find his daughter, killed her.

· Kim/Janice sneaked out to have fun but found themselves in a nightmare situation

· Palmer’s trusted partner deceived him

· Jayme – the most trusted employee – was the spy

· The woman who agreed to help Jack is the one who turned him in

· Rick, the kidnapper, is the one who helps them escape

· Palmer’s son, looking for justice, finds himself committing a criminal act

· Jack turns over a gun to an assassin to kill the person he is supposed to protect.

· Trying to make the accountant talk, Jack accidentally kills him, and now he can’t get any info from him.

· Tony, the one who doesn’t trust Jack, ends up assisting him and covering up for him.

Irony for my show, Echoes of Masada:

1. Situational Irony:

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1. Scenario 1: Jake, the one
   who never confronts anyone, finds himself the fearless leader of the Donek.
2. Scenario 2: Alo, known
   for wanting to save the Donek, comes up with a mass suicide plan

2. Dramatic Irony:

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2. Scenario 1: Alo carries the burden of being the last
   member of a tribe that was wiped out, comes up with a plan to wipe out
   the Donek tribe.
3. Scenario 2: A council leader
   of the Donek is given the responsibility to protect the food stores when
   it is his actions that cause the food stores to diminish and threaten the
   survival of the Donek.

3. Verbal Irony:

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3. Scenario 1: Jake, known
   for his honesty, is lying about his own heritage (that he is an Earthling)
4. Scenario 2: Armann, who
   is usually stoic, uses humor and sarcasm to diffuse a tense situation.
   The irony is the lighter tone at a critical moment.

4. Irony in
   Relationships:

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4. Scenario 1: Despite Jake
   and Alo wanting Donek unity, their leadership divides the tribe as groups
   choose to follow one or the other.
5. Scenario 2: Imara, known
   for her independence, finds herself forming an alliance with Taron, a
   Hedeon she distrusts, to save the Donek and kidnap Grigo.

5. Character Irony:

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5. Scenario 1: Akuji, an
   extremist wanting to destroy the Donek, has a conversion experience and joins
   the Donek
6. Scenario 2: Armann, a
   master of espionage, fails to notice the covert operation to kidnap his
   son.

6. Irony in Actions:

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6. Scenario 1: Imara, who
   advocates for peace, is forced into a situation where she has to resort
   to violence to protect her friends.
7. Scenario 2: Jake, who
   distrusts religious leaders, becomes one himself to the Donek.

7. Irony in Cover-ups:

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7. Scenario 1: Jake and
   Imara cover up a crucial piece of information concerning a Masada echo
   that leads them to find a tunnel, thinking that its secret will protect
   the Donek, only to realize later that it was the key to threatening the
   Donek tribe’s survival.

Scenario
2:
Alo, who insists he interpret and communicate the Masada echoes, doubts the
veracity of the echoes

[Margaret]

Margaret Has Tested Every Line!

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter!

What I learned: I added to much into my descriptions, flowery words that were unnecessary.

Difference in Script: Made it more concise, easier to read!

Before Scene:

EXT. IRELAND – DOCKS – DAY

Ian shoves Teen Patrick, his hands bound behind him, off the gangway. MILCHO, a burly Irishman with a face weathered by countless hardships, trades a bag of coins for the teen.

On deck, Cahal and Aodan grapple with Alita, an anguished symphony against the backdrop of a stormy sea.

Cahal hoists Alita over his shoulder, her defiance manifesting into a feral bite on his shoulder. Aodan swiftly mutes her cries, gags her with a torn strip from her dress.

As Cahal turns to address Aodan, Alita channels every ounce of her bound strength into a violent kick, strikes Aodan squarely in the chest. He crumples onto the wooden planks beneath him.

Milcho leads Patrick away, forces him onto a mule-drawn cart. Patrick looks back, witnesses his sister being surrendered to a mysterious BLACK HOODED DRUID, his face obscured in shadow.

PATRICK

Alita! Alita!

(to Milcho)

She is my blood! By all that is sacred, keep us together! I implore you! Let her accompany us!

Milcho remains stoic, snaps the reins, urges the mules forward. Patrick’s voice, a haunting cry, carries through the salted air.

PATRICK

Alita! I will find you! I will rescue you! May God watch over you! I love you!

Alita locks her vision onto her brother’s diminishing figure, eyes wide with a potent blend of fury and terror.

BAM!

Summoning every ounce of her strength, Alita headbutts the man restraining her. He staggers, momentarily disoriented, but retains his grip.

WHACK!

A brutal retaliation from the Black Hooded Druid, a savage punch to her abdomen. She crumples, gasps for breath.

BLACK HOODED DRUID

Bid your kin and your god farewell!

After scene:

EXT. IRELAND – DOCKS – DAY

Ian shoves Teen Patrick, his hands bound behind him, off the gangway. MILCHO, a burly Irishman with a face weathered by countless hardships, trades a bag of coins for the teen.

On deck, Cahal and Aodan grapple with Alita.

Cahal hoists Alita over his shoulder, she bites his shoulder. Aodan swiftly gags her with a torn strip from her dress.

As Cahal turns to address Aodan, Alita strikes Aodan squarely in the chest. He crumples onto the wooden planks beneath him.

Milcho leads Patrick away, forces him onto a mule-drawn cart. Patrick looks back, witnesses his sister being surrendered to a mysterious BLACK HOODED DRUID, his face obscured in shadow.

PATRICK

Alita! Alita!

(to Milcho)

She is my blood! By all that is sacred, keep us together! I implore you! Let her accompany us!

A stoic Milcho snaps the reins, urges the mules forward. Patrick’s voice, a haunting cry, calls out.

PATRICK

Alita! I will find you! I will rescue you! May God watch over you! I love you!

BAM!

Alita headbutts the man restraining her. He staggers, momentarily disoriented, but retains his grip.

WHACK!

A brutal retaliation, a savage punch to Alita’s abdomen. She crumples, gasps for breath.

BLACK HOODED DRUID

Bid your kin and your god farewell!

[Margaret]

Margaret has Amazing Dialogue!

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter.

I was able to elevate 22 lines. I found that going through the previous lessons had already made a lot of my dialogue script-worthy. I still found opportunities, however.

Three examples:

“Son, reconsider. Your mother’s heart is breaking.” Changed to: “Son, your mum…”

“I do not know where the boy is.” Changed to, “The wind fills their wings, who knows their path?”

“We will listen to him again.” Changed to, “His voice will be heard.”

[Margaret]

Margaret has Incredible Monologues

Vision: To be the best Faith-based screenwriter

What I learned: Elements of an incredible monologue

My monologue for Patrick:

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DUNGEON – NIGHT

Patrick sits alone in a dimly lit stone cell, his cape spread beneath him. A lifeless body, shackled to the wall, lies nearby.

PATRICK

(whispers to God)

I am a man of failures. Why have you chosen me? I brought harm to those who love me, who follow me…

He sobs, overwhelmed by self-doubt.

PATRICK

I hate the man. How could I forgive such a one?

With a surge of resolve, he shakes himself free from the doubts of his mind. Patrick takes a deep breath, and with the faith of a true saint speaks to God as he stands.

PATRICK

I arise today through God’s might to uphold me, God’s wisdom to guide me, God’s shield to protect me from snares of devils…

Patrick moves over and grabs the bars of the cell, calling out into the darkness to anyone who would listen. He calls out with the renewed conviction only God’s spirit can give.

PATRICK

My Christ is with me! Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ in me, and in every eye that sees me!

The candle outside of the cell catches a draft, flickers, and dies, leaving total darkness.

PATRICK (V.O.)

(louder and more confident)

His faith lights my way!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Plot and Character Layers

What I learned: How to use A.I. to develop plot and character Layers

Layers for the Show “24”

Palmer discovers his son killed someone

-His wife covered it up

-His wife dealing behind his back to get rid of problem

Jayme is a faithful CTU agent

-Jayme is the spy

-Jayme committed suicide

Nina had history of affair with Jack

-Nina may be a spy

-Nina has a current relationship with Tony

-Nina now working for a boss who worked for her

Jack assigned to Palmer’s detail

-Jack had wife/daughter kidnapped

-Jack helped smuggle gun in for assassin

-Jack on the run from authorities

For my show:

Season 1 – Masada Calls

Plot Layers:

1. Major scheme revealed:
   Armann plans to annihilate the Donek tribe.
2. Hidden history:
   Jake’s father is a fraudulent tele-evangelist.
3. Hidden plan:
   Alo, Imara, and Jake work to keep the Donek tribe safe.
4. Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Lyra’s romantic interest in Armann.
5. Thought the story was one thing, but it is another: Jake’s unexpected transportation to an alien world.
6. Mystery revealed:
   Imara is Armann’s wife.
7. Hidden character history:
   Armann was born a Donek and mentored by Alo.

Character Layers:

1. Secret identity:
   Imara’s true identity as Armann’s wife.
2. Intrigue layers:
   Jake’s alliance with Imara to navigate Donek culture.
3. Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Taron spies for the Donek, using Imara as his contact.
4. Hidden Agenda:
   Armann does not disclose that Taron is a spy.
5. Wound: Alo’s
   past trauma of being from a Nomadic tribe.
6. Identity beneath the identity: Jake’s reluctance to embrace spiritual enlightenment.
7. Hidden character history:
   Imara’s guilt for leaving Grigo behind.

Season 2 – The Echoes

Plot Layers:

1. Major scheme revealed:
   Armann’s plan to attack the Donek tribe.
2. Hidden plan:
   Jake and Imara block the secret tunnel entrance.
3. Thought the story was one thing, but it is another: Jake’s acceptance of the Orb.
4. Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Merek and Sefa plot to silence Jake.
5. Hidden character history:
   Armann’s rejection of the Donek’s faith.
6. Hidden character history:
   Imara left Grigo due to Armann’s unjustified jealousy.

Character Layers:

1. Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Armann’s undisclosed knowledge about Imara.
2. Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Armann’s knowledge that Taron is a spy.
3. Hidden Agenda:
   Imara’s fear of being cut off from her son.
4. Identity beneath the identity: Jake’s history with his tele-evangelist father.
5. Hidden character history:
   Merek’s alliances to maintain power.
6. Hidden character history:
   Imara’s refusal of Donek religion.
7. Character Intrigue:
   Imara’s attraction to both Armann and Jake.

Season 3 – Fractured Echoes

Plot Layers:

1. Major scheme revealed:
   Merek’s alliance to discredit Jake.
2. Hidden plan:
   Armann keeps Grigo hidden to avoid expulsion.
3. Thought the story was one thing, but it is another: Imara discovers Jake’s Earth origin.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Big Picture Open Loops

What I learned: How to plant Open loops into the TV series.

Assignment 1

Goals

· Stop the assassination attempt.

Consequences

· Will Jack’s affair with Nina affect their future working relationship?

· How will Nina’s past relationship with Jack affect her current relationship?

· Will Jack’s past (exposing bad agents) affect his current ability to find the mole in the CTU?

· Will Jack’s treatment of George Mason affect his job?

Solving Problems

· Will Kim be found?

· Who can Jack trust?

· Will Jack be able to figure out who the mole in the CTU is?

· What does Maureen Kingsley have on Senator Palmer?

· What part does the parachuter play? Why did she want the key card?

Relationships

· Will Kim’s relationship with her mother get fixed?

· Will Jack’s relationship with his wife survive?

· If Senator Palmer is elected, will he do away with the CTU?

Danger/Survival/Risks

· Will Senator Palmer be assassinated?

Assignment 2

Goals:

· Abe wants to find his way home.

· New Goals: Discover the origin and purpose of Masada’s echoes.

· Crushed Goals: Fail to gain the complete trust of both tribes simultaneously.

· Competition/Conflict: Rivalry between Abe and Alo for leadership of the Donek tribe.

Consequences:

· Getting Caught: The revelation of Abe’s true identity (earthling) puts him at risk of being ousted.

· Past actions: The unintended consequences of bridging the tribes creates new challenges, with Hedeon spies of Imara’s acceptance of the Orb.

· Good Plans Gone Wrong: Abe’s diplomatic efforts inadvertently intensify tribal conflicts with siding between Abe and Alo.

Solving Problems:

· Major Problem: Can Abe find a portal back to Earth?

· What they are trying to solve: Understanding the cosmic threat’s nature.

· Major Change: Abe is thrust into leadership, changing his dynamic within the Donek tribe.

· Previous Solutions; Attempts to maintain secrecy about his Earthly origin lead the Donek to believe he has spiritual power associated with past nomadic tribe on the planet.

Relationships?

· Will Imara be reunited with Grigo?

· Relationship in Peril: Abe’s alliance with Imara faces strains as her hidden agendas come to light.

· New Relationships: Imara finds a new relationship among the Hedeon to aid her plan on getting her son away from Armann.

· Conflict Inside Relationships: The Donek tribe questions Abe’s leadership, straining alliances.

Danger/Survival/Risks:

· Will the Donek stay safe from the Hedeon?

· Surviving X: Will the Donek survive the attack by the Hedeon?

· Putting themselves in danger: Abe takes personal risks to help Imara get her son.

· Pulled into danger: Akuji attempts to subvert Armann’s orders, becoming an increasing threat to the Donek.

· Internal Dangers: Abe’s unresolved issues from Earth resurface, impacting his decisions.

[Margaret]

Margaret is great at Subtext Pointers

Vison: To be the best faith-based writer

What I learned: I had many opportunities to turn on the nose dialogue into subtext pointers.

Five lines I changed:

· Where is my brother? – changed to: What have you done with my brother (implication)

· My brother will not be joining you. Ever. – changed to: Save your bait for another fish. (metaphor)

· It will open. The otherworld will be freed to come and serve me. – changed to: You doubt my ability? Or perhaps you fear they will serve me to keep you in your place? (Insinuation)

· Your queen? changed to – Ah, my loyal subject! (Sarcasm)

· But can I trust you? Changed to – But your loyalty is like the waves of the sea. (Metaphor)

[Margaret]

Margaret loves Covering Subtext!

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter.

What I learned: Many scenes had straightforward dialogue and were in need of subtext dialogue.

I went through the script, and at least half of the scenes needed subtext. This was a breakthrough for me. I realized how much better the dialogue sounded, how richer it made it, when subtext was put into the dialogue. I am not listing all the changes I made – it took me 4 days and would take several pages! 🙂

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Show Mysteries

Vision: To be the Best Faith-Based Screenwriter

What I learned: Components of a Mystery for a Binge-Worthy TV show

Assignment #1: Mysteries for “24”

· Who is behind the assassination plot?

· Will Jack’s wife/daughter be rescued?

· Who is involved with assassination plot in the CTU?

· Will Palmer’s son be cleared of murder?

· Will Jaime survive? Were her wounds self-inflicted?

Assignment #2: My TV Series

A. Shocking Event: Jabe’s arrival on the planet

B. Secret: Jabe is from earth

C. Investigation: Where did Jabe come from?

D. WWWWW and How:

Who – Jabe

What- Appearance on the planet and not from either of the Hedeon or Donek tribes

When – Jabe appeared on an alien planet during their “birthing day” holiday

Why- Jabe’s connection to Masada will save the tribes

Where – Earth/Alien planet

How- Jabe fell through a crevasse during an earthquake and entered a portal taking him to the alien world

E. Part Withheld: Jabe has a connection to the events of Masada

Who: Armann, leader of the Hedeon

When: During a conflict with the Donek

What: Armann discovers there is a spy

Why: The spy has loyalties to the Donek and wants unity of the tribes

Where: Spying on Armann’s strategies and relaying them to the Donek

How: There is a connection in the Donek tribe

E. Part Withheld: Imara, Armann’s wife, is the Donek who is in contact with the Hedeon spy

2. Create the Over Time Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

· A. Cover up: Armann discovers a spy in the Hedeon ranks

· B. Secret: The spy is a commander close to Armann

C. Reveals: Over time, subtle clues and incidents suggest the presence of a spy, creating tension within the Hedeon tribe. As the mystery unfolds, the spy’s identity is slowly revealed, leading to a dramatic confrontation that exposes the motivations behind the betrayal. The consequences of this revelation have a profound impact on the dynamics between the characters and the overall trajectory of the conflict.

D. WWWWW and How:

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  websystems.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  websystems.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  websystems.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Show Empathy/Distress

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

What I learned: How brainstorming Distress moments helps kick off ideas for layers to the story.

Assignment #1:

Big Picture Distress for Show “24”

Jack: Wife/Daughter kidnapped, Forced to follow kidnapper’s directions and choose between saving the Senator or his wife/daughter.

Nina: Suspected as a mole, then taken at gunpoint and shot, leaving her to have others think she is dead.

Palmer: Received an assassin threat. Found out his son killed someone and it was covered up.

Assignment #2:

Big Picture for my Show:

Distress/Empathy – Jabe:

Undeserved
Misfortune:

• Jabe is unexpectedly transported to an alien planet through a portal
  during an earthquake on Earth, leaving him stranded far from home and
  grappling with a reality he never anticipated.

External
Character Conflicts:

• Before arriving on the alien planet, Jabe experiences heartbreak as
  his girlfriend on Earth rejects his marriage proposal, questioning his
  ability to lead. This rejection leaves him with lingering self-doubt
  about his capabilities.
• Jabe’s has connection to Masada’s echoes, a unique ability, which thrusts
  him into a leadership role, in competition for Alo’s leadership of the
  Donek tribe.

Plot
Intruding on Life:

• Jabe finds himself thrust into a world at war, unable to find a way
  back to Earth, and forced to navigate the complexities of a foreign
  society.
• He experiences vivid and disorienting flashbacks of Masada events,
  further blurring the lines between his past and the unfamiliar world he
  now inhabits.

Moral
Dilemmas:

• Jabe grapples with the decision of whether to disclose his true
  origin as an Earthling, knowing that it could fundamentally alter the way
  he is perceived by the tribes.
• He is torn between embracing the religious beliefs of the Donek, the
  dominant faction, or holding onto his own convictions, leading to a
  profound internal struggle.
• Jabe is faced with the difficult choice of prioritizing the unity of
  the tribes over his personal mission to help Imara rescue Grigo from the
  clutches of Armann.

Forced
Decisions They’d Never Make:

• Jabe is thrust into a position of leadership due to his unique
  knowledge of Masada events, a role he never sought but must now navigate
  with a sense of responsibility.
• He is pressured into forming an alliance with a morally questionable
  character in order to secure essential resources for the tribes, forcing
  him to grapple with the compromises necessary for the greater good.

Distress – Alo:
Undeserved
Misfortune:

• Alo experienced a tragic loss in his early years when both of his
  parents succumbed to a devastating plague within their nomadic tribe.
  This left him orphaned and without the family he once knew, ultimately
  leading him to find refuge within the Donek tribe.

External
Character Conflicts:

• Alo grapples with a
  longstanding conflict with Armann, who was once a young Donek under Alo’s
  spiritual guidance. However, Armann rejected Alo’s faith and departed to
  join the Hedeon tribe, leaving Alo with a sense of unfulfilled potential
  and a strained relationship.
• He faces a profound conflict with Jabe over the leadership of the
  Donek tribe, with differing opinions on how to navigate the impending
  cosmic reckoning. This ideological clash places immense pressure on Alo’s
  role within the tribe and his beliefs about their future.

Plot
Intruding on Life:

• Alo struggles to fully believe and accept the messages Jabe receives
  from the Orb, which provides crucial guidance for fending off Armann’s
  attack.

Moral
Dilemmas:

• Alo grapples with the ethical dilemma of whether to enhance the
  messages he receives from Jabe as “interpreting them” in order to ensure that the people will
  listen and follow his guidance, potentially blurring the line between
  spiritual guidance and manipulation.
• He is faced with the weighty decision of whether to resort to
  extreme measures, such as proposing a mass suicide, to prevent the Donek
  from falling under the influence of the perceived heathen Hedeon Tribe.

Forced
Decisions They’d Never Make:

• Alo finds himself in the unenviable position of leading the tribe to
  a refuge reminiscent of Masada, a responsibility he never sought but is
  now entrusted with due to the urgency of the cosmic reckoning.
• He is forced to accept the newcomer Jabe’s unexpected leadership in
  the tribe, challenging Alo’s established role and beliefs about how the
  Donek should navigate their uncertain future.
• Bottom of Form

Distress/Empathy – Armann:
Undeserved
Misfortune:

• Armann experiences a personal affront when he discovers that a close
  friend he trusted is actually a spy for the Donek tribe. This betrayal
  leaves him questioning the loyalty of those around him and adds a layer
  of complexity to his leadership.

External
Character Conflicts:

• Armann grapples with the pain of his wife, Imara, leaving him,
  creating a profound emotional wound that influences his actions and
  decisions. The loss of his wife further complicates his already turbulent
  relationship with Imara.
• He engages in a high-stakes battle with Jabe for control of the
  Hedeon Tribe, creating a tense and potentially volatile power struggle
  that puts immense pressure on Armann’s leadership.

Plot
Intruding on Life:

• Armann’s life is further complicated when his wife, Imara, attempts
  to take their son, Grigo, from him. This conflict adds emotional strain
  and highlights the deep-rooted issues within their relationship.

Moral
Dilemmas:

• Armann grapples with the moral dilemma of whether to fully embrace
  the Donek religion, as represented by the Orb, or reject it in favor of
  his own beliefs. This internal struggle reflects his complex relationship
  with faith and spirituality.

Forced
Decisions They’d Never Make:

• Armann is forced to consider forming an alliance with a Donek, a
  decision that goes against his ingrained beliefs and challenges his sense
  of identity and loyalty.
• He is compelled to allow Grigo to visit the Donek tribe in order to
  gain vital intel from Imara, a choice that places his son in potential
  danger and forces Armann to confront the complexities of his
  relationships.
• Bottom of Form

Distress/Empathy – Imara:
Undeserved
Misfortune:

• Imara endured the harrowing experience of being abused by her
  husband, which ultimately drove her to seek refuge with the Donek tribe.
  This traumatic past leaves her with emotional scars and shapes her
  interactions with others.

External
Character Conflicts:

• Imara faces an ongoing conflict with her husband, Armann, over
  custody of their son, Grigo. This custody battle creates immense tension
  and adds to the emotional strain Imara experiences as she fights to
  protect her child.
• She navigates complex relationships between the Donek and Hedeon
  tribes, as well as between Alo and Jabe. Imara is met with suspicion and
  hostility from both sides, making it difficult to find her place in this
  tumultuous world.

Plot
Intruding on Life:

• Imara is forced to make a heart-wrenching decision between her son’s
  safety and the safety of the tribe, a choice that tests her maternal
  instincts and places her in an agonizing position.
• Her attempt to reunite with Grigo is jeopardized by unforeseen
  events, putting her resolve to the test and highlighting the
  unpredictable nature of her journey.

Moral
Dilemmas:

• Imara grapples with the moral dilemma of whether to fully embrace
  the Donek religion and their beliefs, a decision that carries significant
  implications for her identity and faith.
• She confronts the consequences of leaving Grigo with Armann when she
  fled, questioning whether it was the right choice for her son’s
  well-being and her own sense of responsibility.

Forced
Decisions They’d Never Make:

• Imara is compelled to flee to another tribe for safety, a decision
  that uproots her life once again and forces her to confront the dangers
  that surround her.
• She is pushed to make a dangerous bargain to protect Grigo, which
  involves giving away valuable Donek secrets. This choice carries
  significant risks and further underscores the lengths Imara is willing to
  go to ensure her son’s safety.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  websystems.

[Margaret]

Margaret loves Anticipatory Dialogue

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

What I learned: If you do the “interest techniques” well, your scenes will have anticipatory dialogue.

I went through my script and saw anticipatory dialogue in every scene except for four of them. I made changes to those scenes. In one scene, I only needed one word to make the dialogue anticipatory. I found that I had added much of the anticipatory dialogue when I completed the assignment for “interest techniques.”

[Margaret]

Margaret loves Attack/Counterattack Dialogue

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter.

What I learned: Most of my dialogue revealed attack/counterattack but I still had work to do!

One scene I changed:

EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – DAY

Near King Loeghaire’s foreboding castle, Bacrah kneels before Morrigan. He dares meet her eyes.

BACRAH

With what evil deed may I serve you here?

MORRIGAN

Patrick has returned!

The news jolts Bacrah. His gaze flickers back to the castle.

BACRAH

Forgive me, my queen, but may it be that those who fear the bee’s sting see a nest in every tree?

MORRIGAN

You dare question me? He and his follower swarm near, and you will feel his sting!

BACRAH

He will be swatted away! But I have not seen the boy…

MORRIGAN

He is now a man! Driven with the notion of stealing my children from me!

BACRAH

His buzzing is unheard. I do not know —

MORRIGAN

I have no patience for your whining. Find him or feel my sting!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Dialogue Structures

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

What I learned: I thought I would not find any new opportunities to enhance my script. I was wrong. 🙂

Changed the following scenes:

Set up/Major Twist: King Loeghaire thinking his son was in chains but Lizzie talking about his marriage and freedom.

Opposite meaning: Lizzie talking about King Loeghaire’s daughter-in-law’s beauty and he thinking she was talking about his sword.

Subtext Drives: Bacrah and Patrick talking about fire, but really talking about religion.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Show Relationship Map

What I learned: How the character’s intersect with each other and the value of a relationship map.

Both assignments I did as a table. I can’t figure out how to post the table here and it is quite extensive. I don’t want to retype the whole think, but I did do the assignment!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Elevated Dialogue

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter.

I used Final Draft’s character reports to pull the dialogue for my main characters and rewrote 4 lines for Patrick, two for Bacrah, and one for King Loeghaire.

Rewrites:

Patrick: Content. Changed to: Carrying my own burden. And you, sir?

Patrick: I could spare a day in exchange for food. Changed to: I am loathe to delay a day, but I am in need of food.

Bacrah: Why have you summoned me? Changed to: With what evil deed may I serve you here?

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Character Emotions

Assignment #1 “24”

Jack:

A. Situational: Hope/Fear – Hope daughter is safe/Fear she is harmed

B. Motivation: Want/Need – Wants to protect U.S. from terrorists/Needs to know family is safe

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask – Fear he won’t be able to fix the problem/He is in control

D. Weaknesses – Angry outburst when frustrated

E. Triggers – Not getting the information he needs

F. Coping Mechanism- fights back, analyzes

Nina:

G. Situational: Hope/Fear -Hope Jack is honest/fear she is being deceived

H. Motivation: Want/Need – Wants respect/trust, Needs to be in the inner circle

I. Mask: Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask – Anger at loss of control/Mask that she doesn’t care

J. Weaknesses – In love with Jack

K. Triggers – Not being trusted

L. Coping Mechanism- lies

Assignment #2 – Echoes of Masada

Jabe:

A. Situational: Hope/Fear- Hope to unite the warring Donek and Hedeon tribes/ Fear his true identity as an earthling will be revealed and that it would lead to mistrust and discord among the tribes.

B. Motivation: Want/Need- Wants to unravel the connections between Earth’s Christian religion and the Donek’s faith to discover the truth. Needs to overcome his deep-seated mistrust of religious leaders, yearning for a sense of trust and faith and at peace with himself.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask- Fear of Betrayal and Manipulation/Confident and Authoritative Figure

D. Weaknesses- Over analytical/hesitant when faced with critical decisions.

E. Triggers- Direct threat to the unity of the Donek and Hedeon tribes

F. Coping Mechanism- Deep analysis and contemplation, dissections the situation, thinks of pros/cons

Alo:

A. Situational: Hope/Fear- Hope he can guide the Donek through the chaos of the Masada event/ Fear he will make a leadership error that would cause further chaos and suffering for the Donek.

B. Motivation: Want/Need- Wants to lead with unwavering confidence and be the beacon of hope and stability. Needs to reconcile his internal doubts and fears about his ability to interpret Masada’s echoes accurately.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask- Lingering self-doubt and fear/Unwavering and confident leader

D. Weaknesses- Shoulders weight of responsibility alone, to the detriment of his own well-being.

E. Triggers- When interpretation of Masada’s echoes becomes highly ambiguous or conflicting

F. Coping Mechanism- Turn to spiritual guidance and seek solace in prayer and meditation

Armann:

A. Situational: Hope/Fear- Hope he can secure victory for the Hedeon; Fear that his rejection of the God of the Donek will lead to his downfall.

B. Motivation: Want/Need- Wants victory for Hedeon and dominance over their world. Needs to confront his fear of cosmic reckoning and rejection of the Donek’s faith so that he has a sense of acceptance and reconciliation with his own beliefs.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask-Fear of cosmic reckoning/stoic and unyielding leader

D. Weaknesses- Inability to see beyond his own determination for Hedeon victory (tunnel vision)

E. Triggers- Challenge to his leadership or threat of defeat

F. Coping Mechanism- Adopt an aggressive or confrontational stance, forcefully push back.

Imara:

A. Situational: Hope/Fear- Hope she can be reunited with Grigo/Fears her actions to protect Grigo will put the Donek at risk.

B. Motivation: Want/Need. Wants to be reunited with her son and protect him. Needs to find a sense of redemption for leaving Grigo.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask- Guilt and regret for leaving Grigo/Composed and diplomatic

D. Weaknesses- Internal struggle to balance her personal desires with role as mediator. Her emotional investment in Grigo can cloud her judgement.

E. Triggers- threat of harm or danger to her son

F. Coping Mechanism- Seek a temporary escape, physically or through physical training.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Intriguing Character Layers

What I learned: This was fun! My character’s grew before my eyes, with A.I. providing stimulating ideas.

Assignment One – “24”

Character Intrigues for Jack: In competition with Tony and George Masson, in conspiracy with Nina and Jayme to find the dirty agent; keeping a secret of his affair with Nina; Keeping a hidden agenda of trying to find the dirty agent.

Assignment Two: Intrigue Items for my Characters:

1. Jabe

a. Role in the Show: Protagonist. Jabe serves as the link between Earth and an alien world, wielding his unique ability to channel Masada’s historical events. He struggles to unite the warring alien Donek and Hedeon tribes against an impending cosmic reckoning.

b. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Possesses an uncanny ability to tap into the echoes of Masada, wielding this power to influence events on the alien planet.

c. Intrigue: Jabe carries a deep-seated doubt about whether he is fit for the responsibility thrust upon him. He harbors a hidden guilt for exploiting his connection to Masada. Does he really want to lead or just doing it out of necessity?

d. Moral issue: Jabe grapples with his spirituality – what he believes on earth versus the beliefs on the alien planet.

e. Unpredictable: Jabe’s allegiance wavers, torn between his desire for peace and the temptation to wield his power for personal gain, keeping viewers guessing. Does he want to be the leader of this alien world or return to earth?

f. Empathetic: Why do we care?: He is full of self doubt and vulnerability in his role of leader.

g. Hidden Agenda: Jabe secretly seeks to uncover the true origin and purpose of Masada’s echoes. He believes there might be a deeper cosmic truth that has been obscured by history, and he wants to understand it to better lead the Donek and Hedeon. He also wants to understand how the Christian religion and the Donek’s religion intersect. Is there one God for both?

h. Competition: With Alo – for leadership of the Donek. He is also in competition with himself and his own doubts. He constantly strives to prove to himself that he is worthy of the responsibility entrusted to him. He also competes with the echoes of Masada, seeking to decipher their true meaning and understand the intersection between Earth’s Christianity and the Donek faith.

i. Conspiracy: Works with Imara to navigate the complexities of the alien world and uncover hidden truths. They work together to protect Grigo and potentially facilitate his escape from Armann’s control, while also gathering information that could alter the course of the conflict.

j. Secret: Jabe’s true origin is a well-guarded secret. He is actually an earthling who, during an earthquake, fell into a crevasse and went through a portal, ending up in the alien world. He is desperate to return to Earth, but he fears that revealing this truth could shatter the fragile unity he’s trying to build among the Donek and Hedeon. Additionally, he harbors a secret love for an Earth woman who rejected his proposal of marriage, adding a layer of personal turmoil. He also grew up with a TV evangelist for a father, who openly professes at home that he is in it to “fleece the flock” and Jabe had detested and had no faith in religious leaders because of it.

k. Deception: Jabe engages in an ongoing campaign of deception by concealing his true origin as an earthling from both the Donek and Hedeon. He carefully crafts a narrative that positions him as a native of the alien world, fearing that the revelation of his Earthly origins would undermine his credibility and authority.

l. Wound: Jabe’s biggest loss in his past was the shattering revelation of his father’s hypocrisy. Growing up as the son of a TV evangelist, Jabe witnessed the betrayal of his father’s true character, as he bragged about exploiting his followers. This traumatic experience has left Jabe deeply mistrustful of religious leaders and skeptical of faith-driven movements. To cope, he has developed a mask of guarded skepticism, hiding his true feelings and motives behind a façade of caution and pragmatism. This wound may cause him to be overly cautious and hesitant to fully trust any religious figure, even as he himself plays a pivotal spiritual role on the alien world. Others may recognize his skepticism and use it to challenge his leadership or to try and exploit his vulnerabilities.

m. Secret Identity: Earthling.

2. Alo

a. Role in the Show: Alo Serves as the spiritual leader of the Donek, a beacon of hope amidst the chaos of the Masa event on their planet. He serves as a spiritual mentor to Jabe, helping him navigate the complex faith systems of the alien world.

b. Unique Purpose: Spiritual mentor of the Donek.

c. Unique Purpose/Expertise: He possesses an innate connection to the spiritual realm and the Orb, which gives him crucial insight into interpreting Masada’s echoes.

d. Intrigue: Alo carries a hidden burden of doubt in his ability to interpret the echoes accurately, raising questions about the true source of his visions. Alo has an inner turmoil regarding the suicide event suggestion. Is it out of desperation, a dark plan, or a genuine belief in the necessity of sacrifice for the greater good

e. Unpredictable: While Alo champions peace for all, he also believes that death is better for the Donek than losing to the Hedeon and having to serve under that leadership, leading him to suggest a suicide event like Masada.

f. Empathetic: Why do we care? Alo has an inner turmoil regarding the suicide event suggestion. Is it out of desperation, a dark plan, or a genuine belief in the necessity of sacrifice for the greater good.

g. Hidden Agenda: Alo harbors a covert plan to initiate secret peace talks with select members of the Hedeon leadership, aiming to explore the possibility of reconciliation without risking the Donek. He fears that his openness to negotiation might be misconstrued by the more militant members of the Donek.

h. Competition: Alo is in subtle competition with Jabe for the trust and the loyalty of the Donek tribe. He fears that if Jabe’s influence grows too strong, it may overshadow his own leadership. Alo also competes with the extremist Akuji, who challenges his vision of peace, as well as Theron, whose loyalty is divided between the Hedeon and the Donek.

i. Conspiracy: Alo has a clandestine alliance with Theron, the conflicted Hedeon soldier who spies for the Donek. They work together to gather crucial intelligence from within the Hedeon ranks, allowing Alo to make informed decision and potentially pave the way for covert peace negotiations.

j. Secrets: Alo harbors doubts about the true source of his visions and his ability to interpret Masada’s echoes. The hidden uncertainty gnaws at him, as he fears that revealing his doubts could weaken the faith of the Donek and undermine his role as their spiritual leader.

k. Deception: Alo perpetuates a subtle deception by outwardly projecting unwavering faith in his visions and the guidance of the Orb. He carefully masks his internal doubts, fearing that if the Donek were to discover his uncertainty, it could lead to a crisis of faith among his followers.

l. Wound: Alo’s biggest loss stems from the buden of responsibility he feels as the spiritual leader of the Donek. The weight of guiding his people through the chaos of the Masada event leaves him with a deep-seated fear of making a catastrophic misstep. This fear stems from a traumatic incident in his past where he felt he failed to provide the guidance his people needed. To compensate, he seeks to avoid any appearance of weakness, and insecure in his decisions.

m. Secret Identity: Once a member of a Nomadic Tribe, known for adaptability and survival skills. He revealed this to Jabe alone, thinking that he also is from this tribe. Revealing this secret identity could potentially alter the dynamics of his leadership and the perception of him within the tribe.

3. Armann

a. Role in the Show: Arman stands as the formidable leader and commander of the Hedeon, a fierce rival of the Donek.

b. Unique Purpose/Expertise: He is known for his tactical brilliance and unyielding determination to conquer the alien world.

c. Intrigue: Beneath his stoic exterior lies a hidden vulnerability, rooted in a tragic personal history (once a Donek, betrayed by his family) that fuels his determination to lead the Hedeon to victory. His wife is Imara, who left his because of his cruel treatment, and now lives with the Donek. He harbors a secret fear of cosmic reckoning because he has rejected the God of the Donek.

d. Moral Issue: Faces the moral dilemma whether victory at any cost is justified, often pushing the boundaries of acceptable wartime conduct to achieve his goals. He also struggles with how to deal with Imara, since his son, Grigo, worships her.

e. Unpredictable: Armann’s stoicism masks moments of compassion and unexpected tactical shifts, keeping us guessing about his motives.

f. Empathetic: Why do we care? He is conflicted about rejecting the God of the Donek.

g. Hidden Agenda: Armann clandestinely plans to use Imara’s connection to both the Donek and the Hedeon to gain intelligence on his enemies. He believes this information will give him an edge in the ongoing conflict, even if it means manipulating his estranged wife.

h. Competition: Armann is in a power struggle with Jabe, as both vie for the allegiance of the Hedeon and Donek tribes. He competes with Akuji, who seeks to push the conflict to more extreme measures, potentially undermining Armann’s leadership. Armann also competes with Theron for the loyalty and trust of the Hedeon soldiers.

i. Conspiracy: Armann works with Lyra to manipulate political dynamics within the Hedeon camp. They may be plotting to consolidate power and undermine potential rivals, using their influence over key figures to further their own agendas.

j. Secrets: Armann secretly grapples with a deep-seated fear of cosmic reckoning. He rejected the God of the Donek, and this fear haunts him, leading him to push the boundaries of wartime conduct in pursuit of victory. He has unresolved feelings for Imara, his estranged wife. He Struggles with how to navigate their strained relationship.

k. Deception: Armann engages in a campaign of deception by presenting a façade of unwavering confidence and determination in his leadership of the Hedeon. He conceals his inner fears about cosmic reckoning and the rejection of the Donek’s God, knowing that any display of vulnerability could be perceived as weakness.

l. Wound: Armann’s biggest loss is the betrayal he experienced within his own family when he was once a Donek. His father, a religious Donek, was unfaithful to his mother, leaving the family with a deep stigma for breaking this strict cultural norm. The betrayal drove him to join the rival Hedeon tribe, and he carries a deep-seated resentment for the Donek faith. This traumatic experience fuels his determination to lead the Hedeon to victory, but it also leaves him with a lingering fear of cosmic reckoning. To cope, Armann adopts a stoic exterior, concealing the vulnerability that stems from his past. He overcompensates with a relentless drive for victory at any cost. This wound may cause him to struggle with trust and intimacy, particularly in his relationship with Imara. His jealous outbursts was what caused Imara to flee him.

m. Secret Identity: He is a Donek by birth.

4. Imara

a. Role in the show: She is a bridge between the Hedeon and the Donek, understanding the cultures and thoughts of both.

b. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Acts as Jabe’s wise counselor, helping interpreting the Masada events that Jabe reveals into how Armann might make his next move, helping the Donek stay one step ahead.

c. Intrigue: She is Armann’s wife and wants to reunite with her son, Grigo, and remove him from Armann’s control. She feels guilt about fleeing and not taking Grigo with her.

d. Moral Issue: Brought up a Hedeon, she struggles with following the faith of the Donek, where she lives to escape Armann’s cruelty. She also fights between loyalty to the Donek and her maternal instinct and desire to save Grigo.

e. Unpredictable: Will Imara’s desire to rescue Grigo put the Donek at risk? Will she follow the Donek or act on her own personal desire to have Grigo at her side.

f. Empathetic: Why do we care? Imara longs for reunion with her son Grigo.

g. Hidden Agendas: Imara quietly schemes to orchestrate Grigo’s escape from Armann’s control, intending to reunite with her son and protect him from the harsh realities of the war. She fears that her actions may be viewed as a betrayal, both by Armann and the Donek.

h. Competition: Imara competes with Armann for the affection and influence over their son, Grigo. She seeks to win Grigo’s trust and loyalty, aiming to sway him away from his father’s influence. Imara also competes with Lyra, who has her own designs on Armann’s favor.

i. Conspiracy: Works with Jabe to navigate the complexities of the alien world and uncover hidden truths. They work together to protect Grigo and potentially facilitate his escape from Armann’s control, while also gathering information that could alter the course of the conflict.

j. Secrets: Imara carries the guilt of leaving Grigo behind when she fled from Armann’s cruelty. She longs to be reunited with her son, but she fears that her actions may be viewed as a betrayal, both by Armann and her people. She also holds a secret hope for a reconciliation with Armann, despite their painful history. She also finds herself attracted to Jabe.

k. Deception: Imara conceals her secret attraction to both Armann and Jabe, carefully navigating the complexities of her emotions. She maintains a composed exterior, concealing her internal turmoil to protect her relationships with both men.

l. Wound: Imara’s biggest loss is leaving Grigo behind when she fled from his violent reaction to unjustified jealousy. This traumatic experience has left her with overwhelming guilt and a deep-seated desire to protect her son. She carries the pain of not being there for him during a crucial time in his life. To cope, Imara maintains a composed exterior, concealing her internal turmoil and focusing on her role as a bridge between the Hedeon and Donek. This wound may cause her to grapple with feelings of inadequacy and a strong need for redemption.

m. Secret Identity: Skilled Negotiator

[Margaret]

Margaret Elevated Interest.

Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based films.

What I learned: My script was filled with interest techniques – almost 4 for every scene. 🙂

My changes:

Hill of Slane – drew out suspense

Lizzie/Patrick – prolonged the meeting/reveal

Patrick/King Loeghaire – added hope/fear in the decision.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Elevated Emotion!

What I learned: This took me a lot longer than I anticipated. I have a lot of action scenes but didn’t express the character’s reaction to the scene. I had lots of opportunities for improvement!

What I changed:

Kidnapping – heightened Patrick’s and Alita’s reaction to the conflict.

Bacrah\Morrigan: Intensified pain for Bacrah, raised the stakes

Patrick/peasants – added a scene to elevate Patrick’s distress at the encounter.

King Loeghaire – described his emotions at the loss of his son.

Dubtach – added a reaction to being alone in the dungeon.

Dubtach’s betrayal – increased the reaction to his betrayal

Bacrah/Patrick- Escalated the conflict between the two.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Engaging Main Characters

What I learned: Understanding the characters first provides more ideas for the story itself.

For the show 24:

Jack:

Journey/Role in the show – Jack has conflicting priorities, find his daughter/keep her safe and protect the presidential candidate/find the dirty agent.

Unique Purpose: He is a stalwart agent, giving him unique ability to find the dirty agent. His resources as an agent also help him in searching for his daughter.

Intrigue: His relationship with Nina, from having an affair to thinking she may be the dirty agent.

Moral Issue: Does he leave his wife to search for their daughter alone while he continues his work as an agent?

Unpredictable: What boundaries will he cross to find out who the dirty agent is?

Empathetic: He is caught between personal and work life, and the intersection of the two.

For my TV series:

Echoes of Masada

Genre: Sci-Fi Action

Concept: On an alien world plagued by religious strife, a man channels Masada’s echoes, becoming a beacon of hope for warring nations, striving to unite them against an impending cosmic reckoning.

Main Characters Circle

1. Jabe

a. Role in the Show: Protagonist. Jabe serves as the link between Earth and an alien world, wielding his unique ability to channel Masada’s historical events. He struggles to unite the warring alien Donek and Hedeon tribes against an impending cosmic reckoning.

b. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Possesses an uncanny ability to tap into the echoes of Masada, wielding this power to influence events on the alien planet.

c. Intrigue: Jabe carries a deep-seated doubt about whether he is fit for the responsibility thrust upon him. He harbors a hidden guilt for exploiting his connection to Masada.

d. Moral issue: Jabe grapples with his spirituality – what he believes on earth versus the beliefs on the alien planet.

e. Unpredictable: Jabe’s allegiance wavers, torn between his desire for peace and the temptation to wield his power for personal gain, keeping viewers guessing. Does he want to be the leader of this alien world or return to earth?

2. Alo

a. Role in the Show: Alo Serves as the spiritual leader of the Donek, a beacon of hope amidst the chaos of the Masa event on their planet. He serves as a spiritual mentor to Jabe, helping him navigate the complex faith systems of the alien world.

b. Unique Purpose/Expertise: He possesses an innate connection to the spiritual realm and the Orb, which gives him crucial insight into interpreting Masada’s echoes.

c. Intrigue: Alo carries a hidden burden of doubt in his ability to interpret the echoes accurately, raising questions about the true source of his visions.

d. Unpredictable: While Alo champions peace for all, he also believes that death is better for the Donek than losing to the Hedeon and having to serve under that leadership, leading him to suggest a suicide event like Masada.

3. Armann

a. Role in the Show: Arman stands as the formidable leader and commander of the Hedeon, a fierce rival of the Donek.

b. Unique Purpose/Expertise: He is known for his tactical brilliance and unyielding determination to conquer the alien world.

c. Intrigue: Beneath his stoic exterior lies a hidden vulnerability, rooted in a tragic personal history (once a Donek, betrayed by his family) that fuels his determination to lead the Hedeon to victory. His wife is Imara, who left his because of his cruel treatment, and now lives with the Donek. He harbors a secret fear of cosmic reckoning because he has rejected the God of the Donek.

d. Moral Issue: Faces the moral dilemma whether victory at any cost is justified, often pushing the boundaries of acceptable wartime conduct to achieve his goals. He also struggles with how to deal with Imara, since his son, Grigo, worships her.

e. Unpredictable: Armann’s stoicism masks moments of compassion and unexpected tactical shifts, keeping us guessing about his motives.

4. Imara

a. Role in the show: She is a bridge between the Hedeon and the Donek, understanding the cultures and thoughts of both.

b. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Acts as Jabe’s wise counselor, helping interpreting the Masada events that Jabe reveals into how Armann might make his next move, helping the Donek stay one step ahead.

c. Intrigue: She is Armann’s wife and wants to reunite with her son, Grigo, and remove him from Armann’s control. She feels guilt about fleeing and not taking Grigo with her.

d. Moral Issue: Brought up a Hedeon, she struggles with following the faith of the Donek, where she lives to escape Armann’s cruelty.

e. Unpredictable: Will Imara’s desire to rescue Grigo put the Donek at risk? Will she follow the Donek or act on her own personal desire to have Grigo at her side.

Connected Circle

1. Akuji: Hedeon warrior whose hate of the Donek drives him to impulsive acts.

2. Theron: A conflicted Hedeon soldier torn between his allegiance to Armann’s dogma and the unsettling presence of Jabe, whose faith challenges his beliefs. He spies for the Donek.

3. Lyra: A shrewd political strategist in the Hedeon camp, seeking to exploit the divisions between the warring factions for her own gain. She also has a romantic interest in Armann, although legally he is married to Imara, and the culture on the alien planet is unwavering against infidelity.

4. Orb: A spiritual ball of light that gives guidance to the Donek.

5. Sefa: A devout warrior of the Donek, fiercely protective of Alo and the ancient faith.

6. Merek: A leader in the Donek tribe, struggles for political power, even though he follows the Donek faith and respects Alo.

7. Grigo: son of Imara and Armann, lives with Armann but longs for his mother’s return.

Environment Circle

1. Donek people

2. Hedeon people

3. Watcher of the Masada Portal

4. Elemental Guardians of the faith

5. Healers for the Donek/Hedeon

6. Hedeon warriors

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Engaging Main Characters

Assignment #1 for TV series “24”

What I learned: The complexity of the character is what engages us.

For Protagonist: Jack

A. Role in the show: Lead Agent
for Anti-Terrorist Agency<div>

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Expose dirty agents, excellent
leadership/detective skills C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? He had an affair
with another agent

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? He had an affair
with another agent

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? He uses
means to an end that are questionable, forcing answers to truth

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Where is his balance
between family/work? What gives when?

F. Empathetic: Why do we care? Many have all been caught between
work and family priorities.

</div>

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Three Circles of Characters

What I learned doing this assignment: AI opened my eyes to different possibilities even though our lists were closely matched.

Assignment #1 for the series “24”

Main Characters Circle:

· Senator David Palmer – presidential candidate

· Jack Bower – Agent, won’t compromise, even if it costs him

· Nina, Jack’s co-worker, past relationship with Jack, current with Tony, leak in the agency.

· Terry Bower – Jack’s wife

Connected Circle:

· Kim Bower, Jack’s daughter

· Terry Bower – Jack’s wife

· Mandy – woman on plane/assassin group -Martin Falcon look alike

· Tony – data miner, asks Nina if she is “still sleeping with Jack”

· Alan York – father of Janet, Kim’s friend

· Janet York – Kim’s friend

· George Mason – District director, dirty agent

· Senator’s wife & son

· Carl –

· Maureen Kingsley – reporter

· Victor Robner – spy in Germany

Environment Circle:

· Agents

· Media/reporters

· Public/voters

· Secret service agents

Assignment #2 For the series “Echoes of Masada”

1. Antagonist: Jabe – Man from earth finds himself on an alien planet, possessing the ability to relive and alter historical events through Masada’s echoes.

Protagonist: Armann – Leader of one of the warring factions, the Hedeon, he initially sees Jabe as a threat but later realizes their shared mission.

The Guide: Imara – A native of the alien planet, she understands the complexities of the warring nations and aids Jabe in deciphering the echoes.

Spiritual Leader of the Donek: Alo – Provides strategic counsel and has insights into the inner workings of the Donek people and their faith.

2. Connecting Circle

Aria – Underground sympathizer

Eryndor – Historian

Hedeon Captain – Ryn

Orb – a circular ball of light that guides

Akura- Hedeon Extremist

3. Environment Circle

The Hedeon and Donek people

Warriors and Soldiers

Medics/Healers

Scouts/spies

[Margaret]

“24” 5 Star Model

What I learned doing this assignment: I was surprised to find the number of empathy/distress, loops, layers, and questions inviting obsession in just a one-hour program. I need to up my game!

Big Picture Hooks

There is a plot to assassinate Senator David Palmer, the first African American candidate for president. If successful, the murder would “tear the country apart.”

Amazing and Intriguing Characters

· Senator David Palmer – presidential candidate

· Jack Bower – Agent, won’t compromise, even if it costs him

· Kim Bower, Jack’s daughter

· Terry Bower – Jack’s wife

· Nina, Jack’s co-worker, past relationship with Jack, current with Tony.

· Mandy – woman on plane, an assassin?

· Tony – data miner, asks Nina if she is “still sleeping with Jack”

· Maureen Kingsley – reporter

· Senator’s wife

· Alan York – father of Janet, Kim’s friend

· Janet York – Kim’s friend

· Richard Walsh – head of Counter Terrorist Unit

· Victor Robner – spy in Germany

· George Mason – District director, dirty agent

· Victor Robner, spy for the agency (in Germany?)

Empathy / Distress

Jack has:

· A troubled marriage

· A rebellious teen daughter who is missing and using joints

· Pressure from work to solve a situation he feels he doesn’t have the right relationships for the task (“I won’t get anywhere near it”),

· A co-worker with a past relationship, co-workers who don’t think well of him because “he turned in his own people”,

· George, a co-worker who is dirty and calls him a “stupid chump”, who compromised himself by diverting $200,000. Tells Jack, “You have no idea what you are getting yourself into” and, “You’ll live to regret this – I’ll promise you that.”

Layers / Open Loops

· Jack is told, “Don’t trust anyone, not even your own people.”

· Co-worker with past relationship (what was it?) says, “Don’t shut me out.”

· Who is Mandy? Why did she blow up the plane?

· Kim has rocky relationship with mother, states her father died 6 months ago (even though he is alive)

· Senator Palmer is troubled by a reporter, Maureen Kingsley. Tells her, “You air that allegation or anything like it… This conversation is over.” Won’t discuss this with his wife.

· Will Kim’s parents end up taking her to a therapist?

Inviting Obsession

· Will Kim be rescued before she is harmed by Rick?

· Will the Senator be assassinated?

· If elected, will the Senator gut the agency? “He’s no friend of the agency, if he gets elected, this place gets gutted.”

· Will Jack be prosecuted for shooting his co-worker with a tranquilizer gun? “If Tony doesn’t find anything you could end up in jail.”

· What will happen with Janet?

· Will Terri Bower and Alan York develop a relationship?

· Will Jack live to regret his forcing George Mason to divulge his source?

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Dramatic Reveals!

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter.

What I learned: I worked on four major reveals. I thought I had already done a good job of writing the reveals but I utilized A.I. to brainstorm additional ways to increase the drama. I rewrote each of the scenes and know the script is stronger because of the changes.

[Margaret]

Margaret Loves Character Depth!

Vison: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

What I learned: I needed to change the sequence of events in one section to show a clear reaction of the main characters. I also need to change my protagonist’s reaction to King Loeghaire’s request to align it with his wound. My antagonist’s reaction to the crisis also needed updating to show that she is not entirely evil.

[Margaret]

1. Margaret Silebi

2. How many scripts you’ve written?

3. What you hope to get out of the class? Learn to use A.I. to write a bingeworthy series.

4. Retired last week after 44 years of nursing.

5. What ProSeries, Writing Incredible Movies, or Binge Worthy TV class you were in. ProSeries 64, WIM 5.

[Margaret]

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I, Margaret Silebi, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Script Exchange 1

To be the best faith-based screenwriter.

Received feedback from a past WIM student since there wasn’t anyone else available at the time. Feedback led to major changes with my intro.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Second round with Lenore. Thank you Lenore for your valuable feedback!

[Margaret]

Is anyone ready to exchange Scripts? I have a Faith-based Fantasy/Drama. Margaret Silebi

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Script Exchange 1

Hello! I am ready to exchange scripts. I have a faith-based Fantasy/Drama.

Please let me know if you are willing to exchange!

[Margaret]

Margaret Solved Scene Problems!

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

What I learned: I had several scenes that were exposition filled. I concentrated on replacing the exposition with action. I was satisfied that each of my scenes advanced the story and accomplished more than one purpose.

[Margaret]

Margaret is Cliche Busting!

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

Changes: I used ChatGPT to identify cliches. I posted 10 pages of scenes at a time and asked if there were any cliches from known movies or TV programs. I ran into two cliches. One was the use of the banshee, predictable and known. I changed to provide a unique spin on the use of the banshee. The other was a sacrificial moment with a character that needed her ffeelings, physical reactions, inner toil, and determination revealed to make it unique.

[Margaret]

Margaret Solved Character Problems!

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter.

What I learned: Yikes, my intros for my characters were pathetic. LOL. Spent some time to clean that up. I had some talking head scenes that needed action as well. I noticed when I speed write, I tend to just put in the dialogue and forget the visual descriptions. I tell, not show.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Structure Solutions

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

What I learned: I needed to increase the conflict in several places and I missed the outline in several places.

My updated beat sheet:

Logline

Legends of St. Patrick: Rock of Cashel: (St.) Patrick fights the Queen of Ireland’s Otherworld to save the king and change the culture of a nation. Inspired by the life and Legends of St. Patrick.

Genre: Fantasy, Drama

Opening:

1. EXT. IRELAND – MT. CRUACHAN – DAY

SUPER: “MT. CRUACHAN, IRELAND. 412 A.D.”

MORRIGAN, the goddess of the Irish Otherworld, confronts (St.) PATRICK. He refuses to submit to her and in her anger, she blasts a piece of the mountain and hurls it towards the valley, threatens to kill Patrick.

Inciting Incident:

2. EXT. BRITAIN – DOCKS – DAY

Ten years earlier. ALITA, berates her brother, PATRICK, for attempting to run away from his duty to become a priest. The fisherman Patrick had planned to join are really kidnappers and take Patrick and his sister captive.

3. EXT. IRELAND – DOCKS – DAY

Patrick is hauled off by Patrick, Alita by a man appearing dressed like a druid.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

4. EXT. MT. CRUACHAN – DAY

Five years later. BACRAH, a powerful druid, recites incantations to create an opening in the rock wall, hoping to release Otherworld creatures. He is confronted by Morrigan who tells him there is a threat in Ireland and Bacrah must find and destroy the threat.

5. EXT. FIELD NEAR MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

A wolf (Bacrah) searches for Patrick. Sees him care for his lambs. When a lamb strays to close to the river, Bacrah pushes it in. Watches as he herds the sheep and attempts to save an errant lamb from a raging river.

6. EXT. RIVER – MOVING WITH PATRICK (ABOVE/UNDERWATER) – DAY

Patrick unsuccessfully attempts to save the lamb while a wolf (Bacrah) watches.

7. EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Patrick brings the dead lamb to his master (Milcho). Milcho finds purpose in the lamb’s death and cares for Patrick so he won’t get sick. Patrick inquires about Alita, which irritates Milcho.

8. INT. MILCHO’S HOME – NIGHT

Milcho is disturbed in the night by a wolf’s howling. He sees a fire outside near a statue of a sun god. Fearful, recognizing he is being called, he leaves the house.

9. EXT. HILL – NIGHT

Milcho meets with Bacrah at the statue of the sun god. Bacrah pays Milcho for Patrick and states he will come for him in the morning.

10. INT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Milcho warns Patrick about Bacrah and Patrick flees.

11. EXT. HILL – DAY

Patrick meets wolves, runs into the forest to escape the wolves. A crow flies overhead. Bacrah shapeshifts into a wolf and follows.

12. EXT. RIVERBANK – DAY

Bacrah (as a man) catches up with Patrick at the edge of the river, mocks Patrick’s God. Patrick escapes by jumping onto a tree being carried along on the fast current. The crow watches from the top of a tree nearby.

13. EXT. FOREST – MOVING WITH PATRICK – DAY

Patrick runs through the forest to the sound of howling wolves

14. EXT. RIVERBANK – DAY

Patrick makes it safely to shore. No sign of Bacrah. The crow watches – lightning strikes near Patrick. Patrick moves into the forest to seek shelter from a storm.

15. EXT. FOREST – NIGHT

Patrick regrets leaving the sheep and not trusting God. He cries out to God for wisdom – should he return to Milcho? Should he seek out Alita?

16. DREAM SEQUENCE – EXT. NIGHT – AN HOUR LATER

Patrick prays, the angel Victor appears, tells him to leave Ireland, that God will give him another flock to care for. Tells him to go to the coast and warns him not to stop. Bacrah appears as a snarling wolf. Victor intervenes to save Patrick.

17. EXT. MEADOW – DAY – SAME

Bacrah runs through a meadow but is stopped by Morrigan. Livid, she asks Bacrah why her servants are less powerful than another god’s. Tells Bacrah he will be her service dog for the High King but his failure will come at a cost, he will lose his ability to shapeshift.

18. EXT. MEADOW – DAY – TEN DAYS LATER

Patrick stumbles through a meadow. Gaunt, dehydrated. He falls. Morrigan appears, Morrigan appears to Patrick, tells him there is no hope for him. She learns of Alita, accuses him of not being good enough to save her. She warns he will be rejected by his parents if he attempts to return home and it would be better for him to die and serve her in the otherworld. She offers him a poison. Patrick tells her he will serve no other god but the true One. He attempts to leave but passes out. Morrigan scoffs, shapeshifts to a crow and flies off.

19. EXT. MEADOW – LATER

Two sisters discover the half-starved Patrick unconscious in a meadow. They assume he is dead. When he breathes, they attribute his life to the fairy people and take him to their Da. He wakes, calling for Alita. A crow in a tree watches the action.

20. INT. COTTAGE – DAY

The Irish family (Cailin, Moira, and Da) interrogate Patrick, attempt to convince him to stay. Moira (a shapeshifted Morrigan) attempts to seduce him to deter him from his mission.

21. EXT. IRELAND – DOCKS – DAY

Patrick begs for work to pay for passage to England and is rejected. Morrigan shapeshifts into the Captain and brings Patrick on board. Patrick expresses remorse about leaving Alita behind. Morrigan watches as the ship sails. Smiles to herself.

22. EXT. BRITAIN – PATRICK’S HOME – DAY

Patrick is reunited with his parents; tells them he is ready to be a priest. Patrick lets them know he couldn’t find Alita.

23. INT. PATRICK’S HOME – BEDROOM – NIGHT – FIVE YEARS LATER

Patrick sleeps at a desk, his head on a piece of paper, ink dripping from the quill in his hand.

24. DREAM SEQUENCE

Patrick dreams of letters from Ireland telling him to come and tell them of God.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick’s return to Ireland.

25. EXT. BRITAIN – DOCKS – DAY

Patrick tells his parents he plans to become a priest, return to Ireland, pay Milcho the debt for his freedom, and share the message of God’s love with the Irish.

ACT TWO:

New Plan: Evangelize the Irish.

New Plan in Action: Evangelize Milcho

26. EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Patrick tries to pay Milcho for his freedom and evangelize him. Milcho won’t accept his money, tells him he can’t talk about his god now, but to come back on the morrow and he will listen to him. Patrick tells him he won’t give up on him, worrying Milcho.

27. INT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Milcho’s neighbor brings the pig fat he requested to him. Milcho telss him he has been threatened with an afterlife of torture in the Otherworld, if he listens to Patrick. Milcho commits suicide by burning his house down with him in it, killing his wife as well so not to fall under Patrick’s spell and accept his God.

28. EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY – MOMENTS LATER

Patrick tries to save Milcho. After Milcho’s death, he leaves, runs to the statue of the sun god.

Midpoint Turning Point:

29. EXT. HILL – DAY

Patrick desecrates the statue to the sun god by painting a cross over its circle. Vows that the Irish will not belong to Morrigan. As Patrick turns from the statue, a crow lights onto it.

30. EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – DAY

Bacrah kneels in front of Morrigan, asks why he has been brought to King Loeghaire’s castle. He is given a mission to keep King Loeghaire from listening to Patrick, his life dependent on it.

31. EXT. TARA – HILL OF SLANE – LATER

Patrick desecrates another sun god’s statue. He lights a fire on the eve of Paschal, inadvertently breaking a pagan prohibition. Patrick swears he will not be stopped from fulfilling his mission.

32. EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING

Bacrah watches the countryside, notes Patrick’s fire from a distance, growls like a wolf.

33. INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING

Bacrah notifies the king of the Paschal fire, obtains permission to kill the man who lit the fire.

34. EXT. TARA – HILL OF SLANE – EVENING

Bacrah confronts Patrick and curses his God. Patrick calls on his God and a miraculous

intervention leaves Bacrah unconscious, the King’s druid joins Patrick out of fear, and Bacrah flees back to the castle.

35. EXT. TARA – HILL OF SLANE – NEXT DAY

Patrick and Dubtach plan to go to the castle. Dubtach expresses his concern but denies his fear.

36. EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – SAME

Patrick and Dubtach make their way to King Loeghaire’s but are hampered by a thick fog sent by Morrigan. A blind beggar attempts to divert Patrick from his mission, tells him he could better serve by helping the poor and the blind and that God will bless him with riches and power if he obeys this directive. Patrick rejects the beggar’s philosophy, the fog clears. Victor appears, warns Patrick he must keep his focus, blesses his journey.

37. INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

Patrick seeks an audience with King Loeghaire. King Loeghaire agrees to help if Patrick’s powers can help locate his kidnapped son. Patrick prays, the King’s son is found and the grateful king agrees to listen to Patrick. Patrick sees a serving woman, thinks it is Alita, and asks for her freedom.

38. INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – PATRICK’S ROOM – EVENING

“Alita” (Lizzie) is sent to Patrick’s room. He discovers she is not his sister.

39. INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – BANQUET HALL – NEXT DAY

Patrick, Dubtach, and Lizzie enjoy the banquet. Patrick tells the King of God’s love. The King listens until a crow flies into the castle. In fear at seeing the crow, the King has a heart attack and Patrick, Dubtach, and Lizzie are taken to the dungeon.

40. INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – DUNGEON – DAY

Dubtach looks for Patrick’s power to free them, Patrick seeks God’s will which angers Dubtach. Lizzie sees Patrick’s faith and turns to God.

41. INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – KING’S BEDROOM – DAY

King Loeghaire rejects Patrick’s message, agrees to send him to the High King.

42. INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – BACRAH’S ROOM – NIGHT

Morrigan appears to Bacrah, threatens him once again for his failure, now removing his ability for foresight. She sends him to the High King. States if he does not protect King Aengus, he will be the lowliest in the otherworld for eternity. She makes it clear that she will control him (as she does all her servants) and that is her pleasure. He screams out his anger after she leaves.

ACT THREE:

Rethink everything: Patrick heads to King Aengus

43. EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – DAY

Patrick laments the lost soul and sets off to the High King. A sudden downpour and a visit from a Banshee with the prophesy of Lizzie’s death if Patrick doesn’t leave his current path leaves Dubtach unsettled.

44. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DAY

Bacrah meets the trio outside of the castle. Dubtach betrays Patrick. Bacrah threatens Lizzie if Patrick doesn’t yield. Lizzie responds by killing herself. Patrick is taken to the dungeon.

45. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DUNGEON – NIGHT

Patrick feels like he is a failure but his faith in God prevails and renews his courage. Struggles with his desire to find Alita versus evangelizing.

46. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

King Aengus is angry that Bacrah overstepped his power by throwing Patrick in the dungeon. He orders Patrick and Bacrah to face him tomorrow.

47. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DAY

Patrick refuses to do miracles for the king. He is sent to faced with a choice: serve the druids or face Morrigan on Mt. Cruachan. Patrick chooses to go to Mt. Cruachan.

48. EXT. BASE OF MOUNT CRUACHAN – LATER

On the way to Mt. Cruachan Patrick sees a peasant woman by a stream (Morrigan) washing clothes soaked with blood. She stares at Patrick as she holds up the rinsed clothes, he realizes they are the exact match of his own. The woman disappears and the soldiers take it as a sign he will die, and that the woman was none other than Morrigan.

49. EXT. MT. CRUACHAN – LATER

Bacrah sends Patrick into a cave to meet Morrigan.

50. INT. MT. CRUACHAN – CAVE – SAME

Patrick enters the cave to confront snakes. He orders them out of the cave and out of Ireland.

51. EXT. MT. CRUACHAN – EVENING – MOVING WITH THE SNAKES

The snakes come out of the cave and from the woods, overcoming and moving over the soldiers. The snakes move down the trail and head down the mountain into the sea to die.

52. INT. MT. CRUACHAN – CAVE – SAME

A woman’s voice beckons Patrick deep into the cave. He finds “Alita” who attempts to turn his allegiance to Morrigan. Unbending, Morrigan reacts by showing herself, letting Patrick know Alita is dead and then she kicks Patrick out of the cave to face greater trials to sway him to serve her.

Turning Point Act 3

53. EXT. MOUNT CRUACHAN – DAY

Patrick faces the onslaught of the otherworld creatures. Morrigan threatens to harm the Irish if he does not submit. In her anger, she takes a piece of the mountain and throws it (the Rock of Cashel) and sends Otherworld creatures to harm the High King. Victor comes to assist Patrick but Patrick refuses to leave Mt. Cruachan until Victor blesses his ministry.

Act 4:

Crisis:

54. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

King Aengus and Bacrah investigate the sudden darkness of the day. Bacrah sees Meraxes (Morrigan’s dragon) but the King is unaware and not believing in the otherworld creature.

55. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Bacrah sees the otherworld creatures approaching the castle but the King is blind to them. They both go back into the castle for safety.

56. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

The King and Bacrah see the smoke in the castle. The King goes to his room for safety while Bacrah investigates.

57. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Bacrah attempts a spell to bring rain and extinguish the flames from Meraxes.

58. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BED CHAMBER – SAME

The King attempts to extinguish the flames at his window with bed covers. A crow appears – he throws a pillow at her.

59. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Bacrah calls down lightning to destroy Meraxes. With an injured wing, Meraxes flies back to Mt. Cruachan.

60. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – ROOF TOP – DAY

The Rock of Cashel flies over and lands, causing the earth to quake.

61. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BED CHAMBER – SAME

Bacrah tells the King of the extinguished fire and the Rock of Cashel. The King refuses to hide in his room any longer.

62. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – ROOF TOP – SAME

The King views the Rock of Cashel, feigns a courage he does not feel.

63. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – LATER

Seeing the approach of the otherworld creatures, with Patrick behind them, Bacrah orders the soldier’s to gather.

64. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – LATER

Bacrah orders the King’s men to attack creatures they cannot see. The soldiers begin to fall.

65. EXT. ROAD TO KING AENGUS CASTLE – SAME

Patrick sees warrior fall to the underworld creatures, prays for their protection.

66. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DAY

The commander calls for a retreat as the earth tremors cause stones to fall from the castle.

67. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – ROOFTOP – SAME

Bacrah calls for Morrigan to help the people. She appears, confronts Bacrah, scoffs. Morrigan tells Bacrah she will punish him not with the gift of death, but by causing him to be powerless. She is taking his power away by taking away those who serve him.

Climax:

68. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Patrick prays for help and that the warrior’s eyes will be opened. Victor and angels appear and fight, Victor taking on Morrigan. Patrick holds up his staff like Moses so that Victor will be defeated. Patrick is attacked but saved by angels and continues to hold up his banner. The warriors gain the upper hand once they can see. Morrigan and the Otherworld are defeated. Victor banishes Morrigan.

69. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – SAME

Bacrah tells the King of the victory, the King wants to see Patrick.

70. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Bacrah confronts Patrick and warns him not to try to turn the King away from the druid’s power. Tells him what really happened to Alita, martyred for God, and warns the same will happen to him. Patrick forgives Bacrah for Alita’s death.

Resolution:

71. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BANQUET HALL – SAME

Patrick leads the King to the knowledge of the Lord. He tells him he must reign in the power of love, not by causing the people to fear.

72. DREAM SEQUENCE – KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – PATRICK’S ROOM – NIGHT

Victor shows Patrick the Rock of Cashel and promises it to be a center for spreading the gospel. States the King will be baptized here.

73. EXT. ROCK OF CASHEL – DAY

Patrick baptizes the King and then lifts his staff to pray. He brings it down firm on the “Amen” and the sharp end of the staff goes right through the king’s foot. The people assume Patrick will be killed immediately. Patrick is challenged by his own fear at the event and humbly accepts his fate. The king only replies with Patrick’s own tale of Jesus on the cross, “If the Lord can be nailed through his feet, then I too will suffer for him.” Bacrah is banished.

74. EXT. ROCK OF CASHEL – DAY – FIVE YEARS LATER

A church has been built on the Rock of Cashel. Peasants file into the church. Patrick overlooks the valley to see a flock of white sheep, one black sheep bleating.

[Margaret]

Margaret finished Act 4!

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

Progress: Proud to say I finished 111 pages of a first draft that needs help 🙂

[Margaret]

Margaret’s continuing Act 4

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

Progress: Going smooth – got the hang of just speed writing through!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Starting Act 4

Vision – to be the best faith-based screenwriter

Progress: Into the best part – the climax. I envisioned this scene earlier so it was easiest to write.

[Margaret]

Module 5, Lesson 11

Margaret finishes Act 3

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

Progress: Finished Act 3! Looking forward to the final act. Understanding my characters better – makes it easier to write, know what they would say, how they would react.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s continuing Act 3

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

what I learned: I was missing a few scenes in my outline. The flow didn’t make sense without them. I gave myself permission to add them and kept going…

[Margaret]

Margaret Starts Act 3

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

My Progress/What I learned: Exciteed to start Act 3! Feeling comfortable (finally) with just writing without critiquing myself. I just have to keep telling myself I’ll fix it later!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Completed Act 2

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

Progress: I finished Act 2! I learned that speed writing is helpful for letting the characters speak for themselves. I’m not stopping to think about what would be the best thing to say.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Continuing Act 2

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

How it is going: This lesson – failed. I went to write the next scene from my outline and realized it was all wrong. Needed to be a different scene, different location. I sat there, struggling with the directive to keep to the outline. Couldn’t do it. Changed the scene, wrote it, moving on. Promised myself not to do it again. 🙂

[Margaret]

Margaret Began Act 2

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

What I learned: After Act 1, I know my characters better, made the speed writing easier!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s finished Act One

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

What I learned: The high speed writing kicks off ideas when I’m not writing. I finished Act 1 but fighting the urge to not go back and “fix” things.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Next Act 1 Scenes

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

How it’s going: I finished Act 1!!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter.

What I learned from doing this process: I can do high-speed writing but I can’t stop myself from correcting the unintentional spelling errors that immediately flag for me. I find myself starting the second day rereading the first 5 pages and correcting blatant errors before starting the next high-speed writing session. I’m doing ok at not trying to make it perfect first time through, but I have to keep reminding myself this is high-speed writing time.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s High Speed Writing

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

What I learned: I have heard Hal say many times not to worry about being perfect, still hard to break the 4th grade teacher’s voice in my head. There is a freedom in writing when you allow yourself to write without internally judging for quality.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s first Scene

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter.

What I learned from the process: It felt good to be writing scenes! Having done the outline previously and knowing where I’m headed made it so much easier to speedwrite this!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Fascinating Scene Outlines

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

Opening:

EXT. IRELAND – MT. CRUACHAN – Evening

The goddess of Ireland’s otherworld, MORRIGAN, comes out of a trance, screaming that the Irish belong to her and “it will never happen.”

Scene Arc: From trance-like state to anger

Beginning: Mystery

Ending: Suspense

Essence: Morrigan sees a future that troubles her

Conflict: What is it that Morrigan fears?

Subtext: A human will take the allegiance of the Irish away from Morrigan

Hope/fear: Fear whatever is troubling this woman

Inciting Incident: 

EXT. BRITAIN – DOCK – DAY

Twenty-five years earlier. ALITA, berates her brother, PATRICK, for attempting to run away from his duty to become a priest. The fisherman Patrick had planned to join are really kidnappers and take Patrick and his sister captive.

Scene Arc: ALITA searching for her brother PATRICK, to both being kidnapped

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Betrayal

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick was conned in his effort to escape his father’s wish for him to serve the church and is trapped, kidnapped.

Conflict: Alita fighting with Patrick, kidnappers trap the teens.

Subtext: Fisherman are not there to recruit Patrick but to kidnap him.

Hope/fear: Hope Alita can convince Patrick to obey his father; fear that the teens will be harmed and neither will see their parents again.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

EXT. MT. CRUACHAN – DAY – FIVE YEARS LATER

BACRAH, a powerful druid, recites incantations to create an opening in the rock wall, hoping to release otherworld creatures. He is confronted by Morrigan who tells him there is a threat in Ireland and Bacrah must find and extinguish that threat. Morrigan tells Bacrah that if he fails, she will bind his own feet in a noose.

Scene Arc: Bacrah looking for power to becoming a servant of Morrigan

Beginning: More interesting setting

Middle: Suspense

End: Uncertainty

Essence: Morrigan forces Bacrah to help her extinguish a threat

Conflict: Morrigan threatens Bacrah to force him to do her will

Subtext: Morrigan fears Patrick

Hope/fear: Hope Bacrah and Morrigan will not hurt those with them; fear Morrigan’s power over the elements and the people around her.

EXT. FIELD NEAR MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

A wolf (Bacrah) searches for Patrick. Watches as he herds the sheep and attempts to save an errant lamb from a raging river.

Scene Arc: Search for Patrick to locating him.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: Surprise

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Bacrah locates Patrick.

Conflict: Lamb in danger!

Subtext: Patrick pledges allegiance to save “lambs” (in reality pledging to care for the Irish.)

Hope/fear: Hope the wolf won’t attack; fear for the life of the lamb.

EXT. RIVER – MOVING WITH PATRICK (ABOVE/UNDERWATER) – DAY

Patrick unsuccessfully attempts to save the lamb while a wolf (Bacrah) watches.

Scene Arc: Patrick’s attempt to save the lamb to the lamb’s death.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Suspense

Ending: Suspense

Essence: Patrick failed his promise to shepherd the lambs.

Conflict: Struggle to save the lamb.

Subtext: Patrick feels guilt that his actions, both with the lamb and his sister Alita, have caused harm. Patrick doubting God heard his request.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can save the lamb; fear the druid who watches Patrick.

EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – EVENING

Patrick brings the dead lamb to his master (Milcho). Milcho finds purpose in the lamb’s death and cares for Patrick so he won’t get sick.

Scene Arc: Patrick’s confession to Milcho to Milcho caring for Patrick.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Essence: Milcho cares for Patrick, does not want him harmed.

Conflict: Patrick’s confession to a irritated master.

Subtext: Milcho doesn’t want Patrick harmed.

Hope/fear: Hope Milcho accepts Patrick’s confession, fear Patrick will get sick.

INT. MILCHO’S HOME – NIGHT

Milcho is disturbed in the night by a wolf’s howling. He sees a fire outside near a statue of a sun god. Fearful, recognizing he is being called, he leaves the house.

Scene Arc: Milcho watching Patrick sleep peacefully to Milcho fearfully leaving his house.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: Mystery

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Milcho is being summoned by Bacrah.

Conflict: Milcho is forced to leave the house to meet with Bacrah.

Subtext: Milcho is afraid of the power of the druids.

Hope/fear: Hope the wolves won’t harm them; fear for Milcho’s safety.

EXT. HILL – NIGHT

Milcho meets with Bacrah at the statue of the sun god. Bacrah pays Milcho for Patrick and states he will come for him in the morning.

Scene Arc: From Milcho’s arguing against releasing Patrick to accepting payment for his release.

Beginning: Intrigue

Ending: Internal Dilemma

hhEssence: Bacrah pays for Patrick’s release and Milcho is forced to accept.

Conflict: Milcho arguing against releasing Patrick to Milcho.

Subtext: There is a woman (Alita) who could also fulfill Morrigan’s vision. Milcho fears Bacrah’s power.

Hope/fear: Hope Milcho won’t release Patrick to Bacrah; fear for Milcho and Patrick’s safety.

INT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Milcho warns Patrick about Bacrah and Patrick flees.

Scene Arc: Patrick arguing that God will protect him to Patrick fleeing for his life.

Beginning: Suspense

End: Suspense

Essence: Patrick gives in to fear instead of trusting God to protect him. Milcho warns Patrick he must not waste his youth and potential under the control of others.

Conflict: Milcho trying to convince Patrick to run.

Subtext: Milcho doesn’t want Patrick to suffer under Bacrah’s control. Milcho is under the control of the druids.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear what will happen to Milcho when Bacrah arrives.

EXT. HILL – DAY

Patrick meets wolves, runs back to the safety of Milcho’s home.

Scene Arc: Patrick running to freedom to running back to slavery.

Beginning: Suspense

Ending: Internal Dilemma

Essence: Patrick fears for his life and prefers the known over the unknown.

Conflict: Wolves confronting Patrick.

Subtext: The wolves are the druids after Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear if he returns to Milcho, he will be handed over to Bacrah.

EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Milcho doesn’t let Patrick into his home so Patrick runs into the forest to escape the wolves.

Scene Arc: Patrick expects Milcho to let him in to keep him safe to Patrick running for his life.

Beginning: Suspense

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Milcho doesn’t want Bacrah to have Patrick.

Conflict: Patrick seeking safety from the wolves.

Subtext: The wolves are the druids.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear Patrick cannot outrun the wolves.

EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Bacrah leaves Milcho’s home, shapeshifts into a wolf, leads the pack to find Patrick. A crow flies overhead.

Scene Arc: Bacrah the man shapeshifted into a wolf to seek Patrick.

Beginning: Mystery

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Bacrah is actively looking for Patrick under the watchful eye of Morrigan (the crow).

Conflict: Bacrah is chasing Patrick.

Subtext: Morrigan is keeping an eye on Bacrah.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick had enough of a head start to evade Bacrah; fear Patrick will be caught.

EXT. RIVERBANK – DAY

Bacrah (as a man) catches up with Patrick at the edge of the river, mocks Patrick’s God. Patrick escapes by jumping onto a tree being carried along on the fast current. The crow watches from the top of a tree nearby.

Scene Arc: Patrick is trapped to Patrick’s escape

Beginning: Suspense

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: God provided a way for Patrick to escape.

Conflict: Bacrah taunts Patrick and mocks his God.

Subtext: Morrigan is keeping an eye on Bacrah.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can escape Bacrah, fear for his safety in the raging river.

EXT. RIVERBANK – DAY

Patrick makes it safely to shore. No sign of Bacrah. The crow watches – lightning strikes near Patrick. Patrick moves into the forest to seek shelter from a storm.

Scene Arc: Patrick safe from the river to seeking shelter from a storm.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Ending: Suspense

Essence: Patrick is safe from Bacrah, but not from Morrigan.

Conflict: Patrick is in the open during a lightning storm.

Subtext: Morrigan wants Patrick dead.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick is safe from Bacrah; fear he may be harmed in the storm.

EXT. FOREST – NIGHT

Patrick regrets leaving the sheep and not trusting God. He cries out to God for wisdom – should he return to Milcho?

Scene Arc: Patrick attempting to care for himself to crying to God for protection and wisdom.

Beginning: Internal Dilemma

Ending: Uncertainty

Essence: Patrick wants God’s leading in his life, wants to serve God.

Conflict: Patrick doesn’t know the next step to take.

Subtext: Patrick feels guilt over his decision to leave his post.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear he will decide to return to Milcho.

DREAM SEQUENCE – EXT. NIGHT – AN HOUR LATER

Patrick dreams of the angel Victor telling him to leave Ireland, that God will give him another flock to care for. He tells him he will protect him from other “gods”. Patrick wakes up and is confronted by a wolf (Bacrah) and Victor intervenes to save Patrick.

Scene Arc: Patrick questioning his path to running away, feeling safe.

Beginning: Internal dilemma

Middle: Uncertainty

End: Surprise

Essence: God is protecting Patrick, directing him to leave Ireland.

Conflict: Victor confronts Bacrah.

Subtext: God’s power is stronger than Morrigan’s or Bacrah’s.

Hope/fear: Hope that Bacrah won’t harm Patrick; fear for Patrick’s life.

EXT. MEADOW – DAY – SAME

Bacrah runs through a meadow but is stopped by Morrigan. She is livid, asks Bacrah why her servants are less powerful than another god’s. Tells Bacrah he will be her service dog for the High King but his failure will come at a cost, he will lose his ability to shapeshift.

Beginning: Uncomfortable Moment

End: Intrigue

Scene Arc: Bacrah fleeing to trembling before Morrigan.

Essence: God’s angel is more powerful than Morrigan’s druid.

Conflict: Morrigan’s anger at Bacrah’s failure.

Subtext: Morrigan will take over pursuing Patrick. Bacrah hates Morrigan’s control.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can withstand Morrigan, fear her power.

EXT. MEADOW – DAY

Patrick stumbles through a meadow. Gaunt, dehydrated. He falls, unconscious.

Scene Arc: From physically beat to unconscious.

Beginning: Suspense

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick’s journey has exceeded the level of physical ability.

Conflict: Patrick’s inability to go forward.

Subtext: Patrick’s journey has taken his toll on his body.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will find food/water; fear he will die.

DREAM SEQUENCE – EXT. – DAY

Morrigan appears to Patrick, accuses him of not being good enough to live since he caused the capture of his sister, and the death of the lamb. She warns he will be rejected by his parents if he attempts to return home and it would be better for him to die and serve her in the otherworld. In his dream, Patrick tells her he will serve no other god but the true One. He remains unconscious.

Scene Arc: Morrigan’s attempt to get Patrick to serve her to Patrick’s rejection of her.

Essence: Morrigan wants Patrick’s loyalty, Patrick’s loyalty is with God.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Internal Dilemma

Ending: Cliffhanger

Conflict: Morrigan’s attempt to gain Patrick’s loyalty.

Subtext: Morrigan is fearful of Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will not let guilt cloud his decisions; hope he will stand firm.

EXT. MEADOW – DAY

Two sisters discover the half-starved Patrick unconscious in a meadow. They assume he is dead. When he breathes, they attribute his life to the fairy people and take him to their Da. A crow in a tree watches the action.

Scene Arc: Patrick unconscious in a field to his rescue.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Suspense

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick’s journey has taken its toll, but he has help.

Conflict: Women debating who the unconscious man is and what to do with him.

Subtext: The women are steeped in the stories of the otherworld.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be helped. Fear his illness and what brought him to this point?

INT. COTTAGE – DAY

The Irish family (Cailin, Moira, and Da) interrogate Patrick, attempt to convince him to stay. Moira (a shapeshifted Morrigan) attempts to seduce him to deter him from his mission.;

Scene Arc: Patrick is rescued to Patrick stating he will leave.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Intrigue

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick is tempted to stay with the family.

Conflict: Moira’s seduction, attempt to get Patrick to stay.

Subtext: Temptation is a way to deter Patrick from his mission and to have him serve Morrigan. Moira is really Morrigan, shapeshifted. Patrick speaks of his “master” but really refers to God.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick is strong enough to avoid temptation. Fear he will be seduced.

EXT. IRELAND – DOCKS – DAY

Patrick begs for work to pay for passage to England and is rejected. Morrigan shapeshifts into the Captain and brings Patrick on board.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s rejection to a job offer.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Ending: Surprise

Essence: God has provided passage for Patrick back to England.

Conflict: Patrick’s rejection.

Subtext: Morrigan wants Patrick out of Ireland.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick makes it safely to England; fear Morrigan’s agenda.

EXT. OCEAN – DAY

A crow flies over the ship. Lightning strikes the ship. The wind whips up the water.

Scene Arc: A ship sailing in calm seas to being battered by a storm.

Beginning: More interesting setting.

Ending: Uncertainty

Essence: Morrigan whips up a storm to kill Patrick.

Conflict: The ship is under attack by the elements.

Subtext: Morrigan controls the weather.

Hope/fear: Hope the ship can weather the storm; fear they will be shipwrecked.

EXT. WALES – DAY

The sailors are shipwrecked along with a pack of Irish wolfhounds. The Captain asks Patrick to call on his God for food. Patrick prays and a herd of pigs appears.

Scene Arc: Sailors are hungry to abundance of food.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Suspense

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: The shipwrecked sailors are hungry. Patrick prays and God’s provides.

Conflict: Captain’s taunting Patrick to call on his God for help.

Subtext: The Captain does not believe in God’s power to help.

Hope/fear: Hope God will supply food; fear Patrick will starve.

EXT. BRITAIN – PATRICK’S HOME – DAY

Patrick is reunited with his parents; tells them he is ready to be a priest. Patrick lets them know he couldn’t find Alita.

Scene Arc: Patrick’s joyful reunion with parents to admitting he couldn’t find Alita.

Beginning: Suspense

Ending: Uncertainty

Essence: Patrick has decided to become a priest.

Conflict: Patrick’s confession – he couldn’t find Alita.

Subtext: Patrick feels guilt for not finding his sister.

Hope/fear: Hope Alita gets found; fear she may be lost forever.

INT. PATRICK’S HOME – BEDROOM – NIGHT – FIVE YEARS LATER

Patrick sleeps at a desk, his head on a piece of paper, ink dripping from the quill in his hand.

DREAM SEQUENCE

Patrick dreams of letters from Ireland telling him to come and tell them of God.

Scene Arc: From sleeping to awake and realizing God is sending him back to Ireland.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: Internal Dilemma

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick has a mission from God.

Conflict: Patrick’s inner conflict – returning to a land where he was a slave.

Subtext: Patrick is to shepherd the Irish as God’s flock (ink blot resembling staff)

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick is up to this task; fear what Morrigan will do if he returns.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick’s return to Ireland.

INT. PATRICK’S HOME – DAY

Patrick tells his parents he plans to become a priest, return to Ireland, pay Milcho the

debt for his freedom, and share the message of God’s love with the Irish.

Scene Arc: From arguing with his parents about returning to Ireland to leaving with their blessing in the hopes of finding his sister, Alita.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Suspense

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: His parents don’t want to lose their son.

Conflict: Patrick’s mission vs his parent’s need.

Subtext: Parents are agreeing to Patrick leaving hoping his sister will be found.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can find Alita; fear Patrick will never return.

New Plan: Evangelize the Irish.

New Plan in Action: Evangelize Milcho

EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Patrick tries to pay Milcho for his freedom and evangelize him. Both efforts are rejected and Patrick is told to return the next day.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s hope that Milcho will listen to being rejected.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick is intent on saving Milcho.

Conflict: Milcho’s rejection of Patrick’s money and his message.

Subtext: Milcho is afraid of Bacrah’s wrath.

Hope/fear: Hope Milcho will listen to Patrick; fear that Patrick will not be able to convince him.

INT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Threatened with an afterlife of torture in the Otherworld, Milcho commits suicide, killing his wife as well so not to fall under Patrick’s spell and accept his God.

Scene Arc: From Milcho’s NEIGHBOR trying to convince Milcho to not go through with his plan to Milcho burning the house down around him and his wife to keep from eternal torture.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: External Dilemma

End: Suspense

Essence: Milcho is more afraid of Bacrah/Morrigan than of death.

Conflict: Conflict with Neighbor and his wife, trying to deter Milcho from his course of action.

Subtext: The Irish are steeped in fear.

Hope/fear: Hope someone can talk sense into Milcho; fear that Milcho and his wife are dead.

EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY – MOMENTS LATER

Patrick tries to save Milcho. After Milcho’s death, he leaves, runs to the statue of the sun god.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s trying to save Milcho to running from his home.

Beginning: Suspense

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick cannot save Milcho and his wife from their allegiance to Morrigan.

Conflict: Patrick’s attempt to save Milcho and his wife from death.

Subtext: Patrick feels guilt over Milcho’s death.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can save the couple; fear they are dead.

Midpoint Turning Point:

EXT. HILL – DAY

Patrick desecrates the statue to the sun god by painting a cross over its circle. Vows that the Irish will not belong to Morrigan. As Patrick turns from the statue, a crow lights onto it.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s anger of his defeat to renewal of his mission.

Beginning: Character changes radically

End: Suspense

Essence: Patrick’s anger causes him to desecrate the circle of the sun god.

Conflict: Patrick’s attack on the statue of the sun god.

Subtext: Patrick has renewed his hope.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will succeed; fear Morrigan is too strong.

EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING

Bacrah kneels in front of Morrigan, asks why he has been brought to King Loeghaire’s castle. He is given a mission to keep King Loeghaire from listening to Patrick, his life dependent on it.

Scene Arc: A confused Bacrah to Bacrah understanding his life and death mission.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Ending: Intrigue

Essence: Bacrah is under Morrigan’s control and to save his life he must keep Patrick from convincing the King of Patrick’s message.

Conflict: Morrigan’s threat to Bacrah’s life.

Subtext: Bacrah hates the control Morrigan has over him but he fears her.

Hope/fear: Hope Bacrah doesn’t thwart Patrick; fear he might succeed.

EXT. TARA – HILL OF SLANE – EVENING

Patrick desecrates another sun god’s statue as a crow flies overhead. A flash flood takes away the crosses and drenches Patrick. He lights a fire on the eve of Paschal to dry out, inadvertently breaking a pagan prohibition. Patrick vows to follow the Creator God.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s doubt that he is worth anything to God to giving his all to serve God.

Beginning: Internal Dilemma

Essence: Patrick believes and trusts in the one true God.

Conflict: Patrick’s inner doubt that he is able to do what God requests.

Subtext: Morrigan can control nature, won’t let Patrick win.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick realizes his strength comes from God; fear he will give up.

EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING

Bacrah watches the countryside, notes Patrick’s fire from a distance, growls like a wolf.

Scene Arc: From watching to recognition of a threat.

Beginning: Intrigue

Essence: Bacrah recognizes the fire as a threat from Patrick.

Conflict: Patrick is threatening the old ways.

Subtext: Patrick is a threat to Bacrah.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick doesn’t have to confront Bacrah; fear Bacrah will harm Patrick.

INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING

Bacrah notifies the king of the Paschal fire, obtains permission to kill the man who lit the fire. He takes the Queen, her attendant, the king’s chief druid, DUBTACH, and nine warriors with him.

Scene Arc: King Loeghaire’s discovers someone has lit the Paschal fire, sends Bacrah to kill him.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment.

End: Intrigue

Essence: King Loeghaire is fearful of Bacrah’s power and submits to his decision to have the man who lit the Paschal fire killed.

Conflict: Threat to King Loeghaire’s rule.

Subtext: The King is afraid of Bacrah, to the point of agreeing to send his Queen with him.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear the engagement to come with Bacrah.

EXT. TARA – HILL OF SLANE – EVENING

Bacrah confronts Patrick and curses his God. Patrick calls on his God and a miraculous

intervention leaves Bacrah unconscious, the King’s druid joins Patrick out of fear, and the Queen flees back to the castle, taking Bacrah with her.

Scene Arc: From Bacrah and his men confronting Patrick to being overcome by God’s power.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: Surprise

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: God is stronger than the power of the druids.

Conflict: Confrontation between Bacrah and Patrick.

Subtext: Dubtach and the Queen fear Patrick’s power.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will survive; fear what will happen to Patrick if he insists on seeing King Loeghaire.

EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – DAWN

Patrick and Dubtach make their way to King Loeghaire’s but are hampered by a thick fog sent by Morrigan. A blind beggar attempts to divert Patrick from his mission, tells him he could better serve by helping the poor and the blind and that God will bless him with riches and power if he obeys this directive. Patrick rejects the beggar’s philosophy, the fog clears. Victor appears, warns Patrick he must keep his focus, blesses his journey.

Scene Arc: Lost in a fog to clearly seeing the path before him.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Internal Dilemma

End: Mislead/Reveal

Essence: Patrick is tested to see if he will remain faithful to his mission.

Conflict: Lost in a fog, trying to find the way.

Subtext: Patrick must keep himself free from distractions in order to serve God.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick finds his way; fear he is lost.

INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – DAY

Patrick seeks an audience with King Loeghaire but is not able to turn his heart to God. Instead, Patrick is mandated to help another King, KING EOCHAID. King Loeghaire feels Patrick’s powers can locate a kidnapped prince. Patrick sees a serving woman, thinks it is Alita, and asks for her freedom.

Scene Arc: From attempting to turn King Loeghaire to God to seeking to save Alita.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Suspense

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick has earned a reputation for have mystical power. Patrick has found “Alita” and is being sent with her and Dubtach to King Eochaid.

Conflict: Patrick’s verbal sparring with King Loeghaire over religion.

Subtext: The King is afraid of Patrick’s power. Dubtach is afraid of King Eochaid.

Hope/fear: Hope the king will turn to God; fear Patrick’s trip to King Eochaid will be dangerous.

INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – PATRICK’S ROOM – EVENING

“Alita” (Lizzie) is sent to Patrick’s room. He discovers she is not his sister.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s joy at rescuing “Alita” to discovering she is not his sister.

Beginning: Mislead

Middle: Misinterpretation

End: Reveal

Essence: Patrick desire to find his sister blocks his view of reality.

Conflict: Verbal sparring between Lizzie and Patrick.

Subtext: Lizzie thinks she is there to meet Patrick’s needs, not as his sister.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick realizes his error; fear Lizzie will be returned to servanthood.

INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – BACRAH’S ROOM – NIGHT

Morrigan appears to Bacrah, threatens him once again for his failure, now removing his ability for foresight. She sends him to the High King. States if he does not protect King Aengus, he will be the lowliest in the otherworld for eternity. He screams out his anger after she leaves.

Scene Arc: Fear of Morrigan to hate of her power.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Intrigue

End: Intrigue

Essence: Bacrah has failed twice, another failure will subject him to a powerless state for eternity.

Conflict: Morrigan’s threat.

Subtext: Bacrah has no choice but to obey.

Hope/fear: Hope Bacrah and Morrigan do not succeed; fear for Patrick.

INT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

Patrick meets King Eochaid, who is doubtful that Patrick can help free his kidnapped son. Patrick prays, the King’s son is found and the grateful king agrees to listen to Patrick.

Scene Arc: From King Eochaid’s doubt of Patrick to his gratitude.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Ending: Surprise

Essence: Patrick prays for the deliverance of the King’s son and the son is released.

Conflict: King Eochaid’s threats to Patrick if unsuccessful in helping him.

Subtext: God intervened.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can help; fear the King’s punishment if Patrick doesn’t succeed.

INT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – BANQUET HALL – DAY

Patrick, Dubtach, and Lizzie enjoy the banquet. Patrick tells the King of God’s love. The King listens until a crow flies into the castle. In fear at seeing the crow, the King has a heart attack and Patrick, Dubtach, and Lizzie are taken to the dungeon.

Scene Arc: From enjoying the banquet to being thrown in a dungeon.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Surprise

End: Cliffihanger

Essence: The King fears Morrigan and is afraid of Patrick’s message.

Conflict: Verbal sparring over religion, the fear of the King when he sees the crow.

Subtext: Morrigan is the crow and her presence is threatening to the King.

Hope/fear: Hope the King will listen; fear Patrick will be harmed.

INT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – DUNGEON – DAY

Dubtach looks for Patrick’s power to free them, Patrick seeks God’s will which angers Dubtach. Lizzie sees Patrick’s faith and turns to God.

Scene Arc: From being locked in dungeon to escorted to King Eochaid’s beside.

Beginning: External Dilemma

Ending: Suspense

Essence: Love of God casts out fear.

Conflict: Dubtach seeking power over submission to God.

Subtext: Dubtach seeks power not God.

Hope/fear: Hope they will be rescued; fear what will happen to Patrick.

INT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – KING’S BEDROOM – DAY

King Eochaid rejects Patrick’s message, agrees to send him to the High King.

Scene Arc: From freedom to speak to the King to being asked to leave.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Internal dilemma

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: The King will not accept Patrick’s God.

Conflict: Verbal sparring over religion.

Subtext: The King fears Morrigan.

Hope/fear: Hope the king will listen; fear what will happen to Patrick.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Patrick heads to King Aengus

EXT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – DAY

Patrick laments the lost soul and vows to go to the High King. A sudden downpour and a visit from a Banshee with the prophesy of Lizzie’s death if Patrick doesn’t leave his current path leaves Dubtach unsettled.

Scene Arc: From storm to prophesy of death to moving on in faith to the High King.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Surprise

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick is not deterred by fear

Conflict: Dubtach’s fears vs Lizzie’s faith, Patrick’s decision to move on.

Subtext: Morrigan wants to stop Patrick

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick doesn’t give up; fear for Lizzie’s safety

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DAY

Bacrah meets the trio outside of the castle. Dubtach betrays Patrick. Bacrah threatens Lizzie if Patrick doesn’t yield. Lizzie responds by killing herself. Patrick is taken to the dungeon.

Scene Arc: Bacrah confronts a confident Patrick to Patrick overcome by guilt.

Beginning: Internal dilemma

End: Character changes radically

Essence: Dubtach’s betrayal and Lizzie’s death cause Patrick guilt.

Conflict: Bacrah threatens Lizzie’s life, Dubtach’s betrayal.

Subtext: Lizzie is a strong woman of faith.

Hope/fear: Hope Lizzie won’t be harmed; fear what will happen to Patrick.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DUNGEON – NIGHT

Patrick feels like he is a failure but his faith in God prevails and renews his courage.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s feeling of failure to hope.

Beginning: Internal dilemma

End: Character changes radically

Essence: Patrick realizes he must go forward in God’s strength.

Conflict: Patrick’s self-doubt.

Subtext: God is Patrick’s source of strength.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can pull out of his pity party; fear he will be stuck in the dungeon.

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

King Aengus is angry that Bacrah overstepped his power by throwing Patrick in the dungeon. He orders Patrick and Bacrah to face him tomorrow.

Scene Arc: Aengus berating Bacrah to ordering him to bring Patrick before him.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: King Aengus wants to hear what Patrick has to say.

Conflict: King Aengus’ anger towards Bacrah.

Subtext: King Aengus feels he is all-powerful and does not fear a druid.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be given a chance; fear what Bacrah will do.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DAY

Patrick refuses to do miracles for the king. He is sent to face Morrigan on Mt. Cruachan.

Scene Arc: Patrick free to speak to sentenced to face Morrigan on Mt. Cruachan.

Beginning: Internal dilemma

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick refuses to use power to turn the King’s heart.

Conflict: Bacrah’s verbal attacks on Patrick’s weakness.

Subtext: You don’t need powerful signs to turn a heart.

Hope/fear: Hope the King will listen; fear Patrick’s journey to Mt. Cruachan.

EXT. BASE OF MOUNT CRUACHAN – DAY

On the way to Mt. Cruachan Patrick sees a peasant woman by a stream (Morrigan) washing clothes soaked with blood. She stares at Patrick as she holds up the rinsed clothes, he realizes they are the exact match of his own. The woman disappears and the soldiers take it as a sign he will die, and that the woman was none other than Morrigan.

Scene Arc: Peaceful journey to prophesy of Patrick’s death.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: Mystery

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Morrigan wants Patrick to know he will die soon.

Conflict: Prophesy of certain death.

Subtext: Patrick will die on Mt. Cruachan.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick won’t die; fear the prophesy will come true.

EXT. MT. CRUACHAN – EVENING

Bacrah sends Patrick into a cave to meet Morrigan.

Scene Arc: From threat of danger to willingly entering the cave.

Beginning: Mystery

Middle: Suspense

Ending: Surprise

Essence: Patrick is going of his own free will into danger.

Conflict: Bacrah sending Patrick to certain danger.

Subtext: Patrick will be killed.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will survive; fear he will be killed.

INT. MT. CRUACHAN – CAVE – EVENING

Patrick enters the cave to confront snakes. He orders them out of the cave and out of Ireland.

Scene Arc: From threat of snakes to safety.

Beginning: Suspense

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick is relying on God’s power.

Conflict: Threat of snakes.

Subtext: God’s power is with Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick won’t be bitten; fear he will die.

EXT. MT. CRUACHAN – EVENING – MOVING WITH THE SNAKES

The snakes come out of the cave and from the woods, overcoming and moving over the soldiers. The snakes move down the trail and head down the mountain into the sea to die.

Scene Arc: From snakes overcoming soldiers to dying in the sea.

Beginning: Surprise

Essence: The snakes are under Patrick’s power and are leaving Ireland.

Conflict: Men vs snakes.

Subtext: God’s power moves the snakes away.

Hope/fear: Hope all the snakes go away; fear of where the snakes are going.

INT. MT. CRUACHAN – CAVE – NIGHT

A woman’s voice beckons Patrick deep into the cave. He finds “Alita” who attempts to turn his allegiance to Morrigan. Unbending, Morrigan reacts by showing herself, letting Patrick know Alita is dead and then she kicks Patrick out of the cave.

Scene Arc: From joy at finding Alita to learning she is dead.

Beginning: Surprise

Middle: Internal dilemma

Ending: Suspense

Essence: Morrigan cannot turn Patrick.

Conflict: Alita’s attempt to turn Patrick, Morrigan’s anger.

Subtext: Morrigan cannot sway Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will not listen; fear Morrigan’s power.

Turning Point Act 3

EXT. MOUNT CRUACHAN – EVENING

Patrick faces the onslaught of the otherworld creatures. Morrigan threatens to harm the Irish if he does not submit. In her anger, she takes a piece of the mountain and throws it (the Rock of Cashel) and sends Otherworld creatures to harm the High King. Victor comes to assist Patrick but Patrick refuses to leave Mt. Cruachan until Victor blesses his ministry.

Scene Arc: To Morrigan’s onslaught to Patrick’s freedom.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: Uncomfortable moment

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick has the power to help the Irish and cannot be overcome by Morrigan.

Conflict: The threat of the dangers of nature that Morrigan stirs up.

Subtext: Morrigan can control the elements but not destroy Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick survives; fear what Morrigan will do to the Irish.

Act 4:

Crisis:

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

King Aengus and Bacrah investigate the sudden darkness of the day. Bacrah sees Meraxes (Morrigan’s dragon) but the King is unaware and not believing in the otherworld creature.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Bacrah sees the otherworld creatures approaching the castle but the King is blind to them. They both go back into the castle for safety.

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

The King and Bacrah see the smoke in the castle. The King goes to his room for safety while Bacrah investigates.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – ROOF – SAME

Bacrah attempts a spell to bring rain and extinguish the flames from Meraxes.

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BED CHAMBER – SAME

The King attempts to extinguish the flames at his window with bed covers.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – ROOF – SAME

Bacrah calls down lightning to destroy Meraxes. With an injured wing, Meraxes flies back to Mt. Cruachan. The Rock of Cashel flies over and lands, causing the earth to quake.

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BED CHAMBER – SAME

Bacrah tells the King of the extinguished fire and the Rock of Cashel. The King refuses to hide in his room any longer.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Seeing the approach of the otherworld creatures, with Patrick behind them, Bacrah orders the King’s men to attack creatures they cannot see, leaves to give orders from the balcony.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BALCONY – SAME

Bacrah orders the men to start the fight from the balcony. The soldiers cannot see the creatures and begin to fall. Bacrah calls for Morrigan and she tells him she is taking his power away by taking away those who serve him.

Scene Arc: (From Scene 56-64) From the approach of the Otherworld creatures to a full-scale war with Morrigan against Bacrah and the King’s men.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: More interesting scene

End:Cliffhanger

Essence: The castle is being attacked

Conflict: Otherworld creatures vs the King’s men.

Subtext: King Aengus doesn’t trust Bacrah’s analysis of events.

Hope/fear: Hope the King will stay safe: fear the approach of the Otherworld creatures.

Climax:

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Patrick prays for help and that the warrior’s eyes will be opened. Victor and angels appear and fight, Victor taking on Morrigan. Patrick is attacked but saved by angels. The warriors gain the upper hand once they can see. Morrigan and the Otherworld are defeated.

Scene Arc: From King Aengus’ men losing the battle to victory.

Beginning: Major Twist

Middle: Suspense

Essence: God’s power can defeat spiritual attacks.

Conflict: The otherworld vs Patrick and the King’s men.

Subtext: God’s power is greater than Morrigan.

Hope/fear: Hope that Patrick and the warriors will win; fear Patrick will die.

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – SAME

Bacrah tells the King of the victory, the King wants to see Patrick.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Bacrah confronts Patrick and warns him not to try to turn the King away from the druid’s power.

Scene Arc: (Scene 66-67) Bacrah’s warning to Patrick’s rejection of the warning.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Suspense

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: Bacrah seeks ultimate power now that Morrigan is bound.

Conflict: Bacrah vs Patrick’s influence on the King.

Subtext: Bacrah wants total control.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick won’t be intimidated; fear Bacrah’s power.

Resolution:

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BANQUET HALL – SAME

Patrick leads the King to the knowledge of the Lord.

Scene Arc: From Bacrah’s rejection of the truth to the King’s acceptance of God.

Beginning: Internal dilemma

Essence: Bacrah loses, Patrick’s mission is accomplished.

Conflict: Bacrah’s fight for control.

Subtext: The King is not afraid of the Otherworld.

Hope/fear: Hope the King will accept Patrick’s message; fear Bacrah’s power.

DREAM SEQUENCE – KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – PATRICK’S ROOM – NIGHT

Victor shows Patrick the Rock of Cashel and promises it to be a center for spreading the gospel. States the King will be baptized here.

Scene Arc: From barren rock to flourishing ministry.

Beginning: More interesting setting

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick has won and will have a ministry in Ireland.

Conflict: None

Subtext: Patrick will be a father to the Irish.

Hope/fear: Hope for the future.

EXT. ROCK OF CASHEL – DAY

Patrick baptizes the King and then lifts his staff to pray. He brings it down firm on the “Amen” and the sharp end of the staff goes right through the king’s foot. The people assume Patrick will be killed immediately. Patrick is challenged by his own fear at the event and humbly accepts his fate. The king only replies with Patrick’s own tale of Jesus on the cross, “If the Lord can be nailed through his feet, then I too will suffer for him.” Bacrah is banished.

Scene Arc: Baptism to Bacrah banished.

Middle: Suspense

Essence: Patrick has won.

Conflict: Bacrah’s accusation of Patrick trying to harm the King.

Subtext: God is with Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick is safe; fear Bacrah’s power.

EPILOGUE – EXT. ROCK OF CASHEL – DAY – FIVE YEARS LATER

A church has been built on the Rock of Cashel. Peasants file into the church. Patrick overlooks the valley to see a flock of white sheep, one black sheep bleating.

[Margaret]

I will have my outline completed tomorrow and am looking for someone who doesn’t mind reading a faith-based story (St. Patrick vs the Otherworld). Thanks in advance. Margaret

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Scene Requirements

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter.

What I learned: This took a lot longer than I thought, but the details of each scene became clearer to me as I put in the scene requirements.

Opening:

1. EXT. IRELAND – MT. CRUACHAN – Evening

The goddess of Ireland’s otherworld, MORRIGAN, comes out of a trance, screaming that the Irish belong to her.

Scene Arc: From trance-like state to anger

Essence: Morrigan sees a future that troubles her

Conflict: What is it that Morrigan fears?

Subtext: A human will take the allegiance of the Irish away from Morrigan

Hope/fear: Fear whatever is troubling this woman

Inciting Incident:

2. EXT. BRITAIN – DOCK – DAY

Twenty-five years earlier. Patrick and his sister, ALITA, are captured. Their kidnappers plan to take them to Ireland and sell them as slaves.

Scene Arc: ALITA searching for her brother PATRICK, to both being kidnapped

Essence: Patrick was conned in his effort to escape his father’s wish for him to serve the church and is trapped, kidnapped.

Conflict: Alita fighting with Patrick to get him to come home; Fisherman are really kidnappers who trap the teens.

Subtext: Fisherman are not there to recruit Patrick but to kidnap him.

Hope/fear: Hope Alita can convince Patrick to obey his father; fear that the teens will be harmed and neither will see their parents again.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

3. EXT. MT. CRUACHAN – DAY – FIVE YEARS LATER

BACRAH, a powerful druid, recites incantations to create an opening in the rock wall, hoping to release otherworld creatures. He is confronted by Morrigan who tells him there is a threat in Ireland and Bacrah must find and extinguish that threat. Morrigan tells Bacrah that if he fails, she will bind his own feet in a noose.

Scene Arc: Bacrah looking for power to becoming a servant of Morrigan

Essence: Morrigan forces Bacrah to help her extinguish a threat

Conflict: Morrigan threatens Bacrah to force him to do her will

Subtext: Morrigan fears Patrick

Hope/fear: Hope Bacrah and Morrigan will not hurt those with them; fear Morrigan’s power over the elements and the people around her.

4. EXT. FIELD NEAR MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

A wolf (Bacrah) searches for Patrick. Watches as he herds the sheep and attempts to save an errant lamb from a raging river.

Scene Arc: Search for Patrick to locating him.

Essence: Bacrah locates Patrick.

Conflict: Lamb in danger!

Subtext: Patrick pledges allegiance to God, to save “lambs” but in reality he is pledging to care for the Irish.

Hope/fear: Hope the wolf won’t attack; fear for the life of the lamb.

5. EXT. RIVER – MOVING WITH PATRICK (ABOVE/UNDERWATER) – DAY

Patrick unsuccessfully attempts to save the lamb while a wolf (Bacrah) watches.

Scene Arc: Patrick’s attempt to save the lamb to the lamb’s death.

Essence: Patrick has failed his promise to shepherd the lambs.

Conflict: Struggle to save the lamb.

Subtext: Patrick feels guilt that his actions, both with the lamb and his sister Alita, have caused harm. Patrick doubting God heard his request.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can save the lamb; fear the druid who watches Patrick.

6. EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – EVENING

Patrick brings the dead lamb to his master (Milcho). Milcho finds purpose in the lamb’s death and cares for Patrick so he won’t get sick.

Scene Arc: Patrick’s confession to Milcho that he did not protect the lamb to Milcho caring for Patrick.

Essence: Milcho cares for Patrick, does not want him harmed.

Conflict: Patrick’s confession to a irritated master.

Subtext: Milcho doesn’t want Patrick harmed.

Hope/fear: Hope Milcho accepts Patrick’s confession, fear Patrick will get sick.

7. INT. MILCHO’S HOME – NIGHT

Milcho is disturbed in the night by wolf’s howling. He sees a fire outside near a statue of a sun god. Fearful, recognizing he is being called, he leaves the house.

Scene Arc: Milcho watching Patrick sleep peacefully to Milcho fearfully leaving his house.

Essence: Milcho is being summoned by Bacrah.

Conflict: Milcho is forced to leave the house to meet with Bacrah.

Subtext: Milcho is afraid of the power of the druids.

Hope/fear: Hope the wolves won’t harm them; fear for Milcho’s safety.

8. EXT. HILL – NIGHT

Milcho meets with Bacrah at the statue of the sun god. Bacrah pays Milcho for Patrick and states he will come for him in the morning.

Scene Arc: From Milcho’s arguing against releasing Patrick to accepting payment for his release.

Essence: Bacrah pays for Patrick’s release and Milcho is forced to accept.

Conflict: Milcho arguing against releasing Patrick to Milcho.

Subtext: There is a woman (Alita) who could also fulfill Morrigan’s vision. Milcho fears Bacrah’s power.

Hope/fear: Hope Milcho won’t release Patrick to Bacrah; fear for Milcho and Patrick’s safety.

9. INT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Milcho warns Patrick about Bacrah and Patrick flees.

Scene Arc: Patrick arguing that God will protect him to Patrick fleeing for his life.

Essence: Patrick gives in to fear instead of trusting God to protect him. Milcho warns Patrick he must not waste his youth and potential under the control of others.

Conflict: Milcho trying to convince Patrick to run.

Subtext: Milcho doesn’t want Patrick to suffer under Bacrah’s control. Milcho is under the control of the druids.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear what will happen to Milcho when Bacrah arrives.

10. EXT. HILL – DAY

Patrick meets wolves, runs back to the safety of Milcho’s home.

Scene Arc: Patrick running to freedom to running back to slavery.

Essence: Patrick fears for his life and prefers the known over the unknown.

Conflict: Wolves confronting Patrick.

Subtext: The wolves are the druids after Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear if he returns to Milcho, he will be handed over to Bacrah.

11. EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Milcho doesn’t let Patrick in so Patrick runs into the forest to escape the wolves.

Scene Arc: Patrick expects Milcho to let him in to keep him safe to Patrick running for his life.

Essence: Milcho doesn’t want Bacrah to have Patrick.

Conflict: Patrick seeking safety from the wolves.

Subtext: The wolves are the druids.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear Patrick cannot outrun the wolves.

12. EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Bacrah leaves Milcho’s home, shapeshifts into a wolf, leads the pack to find Patrick. A crow flies overhead.

Scene Arc: Bacrah the man shapeshifted into a wolf to seek Patrick.

Essence: Bacrah is actively looking for Patrick under the watchful eye of Morrigan (the crow).

Conflict: Bacrah is chasing Patrick.

Subtext: Morrigan is keeping an eye on Bacrah.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick had enough of a head start to evade Bacrah; fear Patrick will be caught.

13. EXT. RIVERBANK – DAY

Bacrah (as a man) catches up with Patrick at the edge of the river, mocks Patrick’s God. Patrick escapes by jumping onto a tree being carried along on the fast current. The crow watches from the top of a tree nearby.

Scene Arc: Patrick is trapped to Patrick’s escape.

Essence: God provided a way for Patrick to escape.

Conflict: Bacrah taunts Patrick and mocks his God.

Subtext: Morrigan is keeping an eye on Bacrah.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can escape Bacrah, fear for his safety in the raging river.

14. EXT. RIVERBANK – EVENING

Patrick makes it safely to shore. No sign of Bacrah. The crow watches – lightning strikes near Patrick. Patrick moves into the forest to seek shelter from a storm.

Scene Arc: Patrick safe from the river to seeking shelter from a storm.

Essence: Patrick is safe from Bacrah, but not from Morrigan.

Conflict: Patrick is in the open during a lightning storm.

Subtext: Morrigan wants Patrick dead.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick is safe from Bacrah; fear he may be harmed in the storm.

15. EXT. FOREST – NIGHT

Patrick regrets leaving the sheep and not trusting God and cries out to God for wisdom – should he return to Milcho?

Scene Arc: Patrick attempting to care for himself to crying to God for protection and wisdom.

Essence: Patrick wants God’s leading in his life, wants to serve God.

Conflict: Patrick doesn’t know the next step to take.

Subtext: Patrick feels guilt over his decision to leave his post.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear he will decide to return to Milcho.

16. DREAM SEQUENCE – EXT. NIGHT – AN HOUR LATER

Patrick dreams of Victor telling him to leave Ireland, that God will give him another flock to care for. He tells him he will protect him from other “gods”. Patrick runs from Bacrah after Victor intervenes.

Scene Arc: Patrick sleeping peacefully to running away, feeling safe.

Essence: God is protecting Patrick, directing him to leave Ireland and has a future ministry for Patrick.

Conflict: Victor confronts Bacrah.

Subtext: God’s power is stronger than Morrigan’s or Bacrah’s.

Hope/fear: Hope that Bacrah won’t harm Patrick; fear for Patrick’s life.

17. EXT. MEADOW – DAY – SAME

Bacrah runs through a meadow but is stopped by Morrigan. She is livid, asks Bacrah why her servants are less powerful than another god’s. Tells Bacrah he will be her service dog for the high king but his failure will come at a cost, he will lose his ability to shapeshift.

Scene Arc: Bacrah fleeing to trembling before Morrigan.

Essence: God’s angel is more powerful than Morrigan’s druid.

Conflict: Morrigan’s anger at Bacrah’s failure.

Subtext: Morrigan will take over pursuing Patrick. Bacrah hates Morrigan’s control.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can withstand Morrigan, fear her power.

18. EXT. MEADOW – DAY

Patrick stumbles through a meadow. Gaunt, dehydrated. He falls, unconscious.

Scene Arc: From physically beat to unconscious

Essence: Patrick’s journey has exceeded the level of physical ability.

Conflict: Patrick’s inability to go forward.

Subtext: Patrick’s journey has taken his toll on his body.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will find food/water; fear he will die.

19. DREAM SEQUENCE – EXT. – DAY

Morrigan appears to Patrick, accuses him of not being good enough to live since he caused the capture of his sister, and the death of the lamb. She warns he will be rejected by his parents if he attempts to return home and it would be better for him to die and serve her in the otherworld. Patrick tells her he will serve no other god but the true One.

Scene Arc: Accusation by Morrigan and her attempt to get him to serve her to Patrick’s

rejection of her.

Essence: Morrigan wants Patrick’s loyalty, Patrick’s loyalty is with God.

Conflict: Morrigan’s attempt to gain Patrick’s loyalty.

Subtext: Morrigan is fearful of Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will not let guilt cloud his decisions; hope he will stand firm.

20. EXT. MEADOW – DAY

Two sisters discover the half-starved Patrick unconscious in a meadow. They assume he is dead. When he breathes, they attribute his life to the fairy people and take him to their Da. A crow in a tree watches the action.

Scene Arc: Patrick unconscious in a field to his rescue.

Essence: Patrick’s journey has taken its toll, but he has help.

Conflict: Women debating who the unconscious man is and what to do with him.

Subtext: The women are steeped in the stories of the otherworld.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be helped. Fear his illness and what brought him to this point?

21. INT. COTTAGE – DAY

The Irish family (Cailin, Moira, and Da) interrogate Patrick, attempts to convince him to stay with him.

Scene Arc: Patrick is rescued to Patrick stating he will leave.

Essence: Patrick is tempted to stay with the family.

Conflict: Moira’s seduction, attempt to get Patrick to stay.

Subtext: Temptation is a way to deter Patrick from his mission and to have him serve Morrigan. Moira is really Morrigan, shapeshifted. Patrick speaks of his “master” but really refers to God.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick is strong enough to avoid temptation. Fear he will be seduced by Moira.

22. EXT. IRELAND – DOCKS – DAY

Patrick begs for work to pay for passage to England and is rejected. Morrigan shapeshifts into the Captain and brings Patrick on board.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s rejection to a job offer.

Essence: God has provided passage for Patrick back to England.

Conflict: Patrick’s rejection.

Subtext: Morrigan wants Patrick out of Ireland.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick makes it safely to England; fear Morrigan’s agenda.

23. EXT. OCEAN – DAY

A crow flies over the ship. Lightning strikes the ship. The wind whips up the water.

Scene Arc: A ship sailing in calm seas to being battered by a storm.

Essence: Morrigan whips up a storm to kill Patrick.

Conflict: The ship is under attack by the elements.

Subtext: Morrigan controls the weather.

Hope/fear: Hope the ship can weather the storm; fear they will be shipwrecked.

24. EXT. WALES – DAY

The sailors are shipwrecked along with a pack of Irish wolfhounds. The Captain asks Patrick to call on his God for food. Patrick prays and a herd of pigs appears.

Scene Arc: Sailors are hungry to abundance of food.

Essence: The shipwrecked sailors are hungry. Patrick asks for God’s provision and he provides.

Conflict: Captain’s taunting Patrick to call on his God for help.

Subtext: The Captain does not believe in God’s power to help.

Hope/fear: Hope God will supply food; fear Patrick will starve.gff

25. EXT. BRITAIN – PATRICK’S HOME – DAY

Patrick is reunited with his parents; tells them he is ready to be a priest. Patrick lets them know he couldn’t find Alita.

Scene Arc: Patrick’s joyful reunion with parents to admitting he couldn’t find Alita.

Essence: Patrick has decided to become a priest.

Conflict: Patrick’s confession – he couldn’t find Alita.

Subtext: Patrick feels guilt for not finding his sister.

Hope/fear: Hope Alita gets found; fear she may be lost forever.

26. INT. PATRICK’S HOME – BEDROOM – NIGHT – FIVE YEARS LATER

Patrick sleeps at a desk, his head on a piece of paper, ink dripping from the quill in his hand.

DREAM SEQUENCE

Patrick dreams of letters from Ireland telling him to come and tell them of God.

Scene Arc: From sleeping to awake and realizing God is sending him back to Ireland.

Essence: Patrick has a mission from God.

Conflict: Patrick’s inner conflict – returning to a land where he was a slave.

Subtext: Patrick is to shephard the Irish as God’s flock (ink blot resembling staff)

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick is up to this task; fear what Morrigan will do if he returns.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick’s return to Ireland.

27. INT. PATRICK’S HOME – DAY

Patrick tells his parents he plans to become a priest and return to Ireland, pay Milcho the

debt for his freedom and share the message of God’s love with the Irish.

Scene Arc: From arguing with his parents about returning to Ireland to leaving with their blessing in the hopes of finding his sister, Alita.

Essence: His parents don’t want to lose their son.

Conflict: Patrick’s mission vs his parent’s need.

Subtext: Parents are agreeing to Patrick leaving hoping his sister will be found.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can find Alita; fear Patrick will never return.

New Plan: Evangelize the Irish.

New Plan in Action: Evangelize Milcho

28. EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Patrick tries to pay Milcho for his freedom and evangelize him. Both efforts are rejected and Patrick is told to return the next day.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s hope that Milcho will listen to being rejected.

Essence: Patrick is intent on saving Milcho.

Conflict: Milcho’s rejection of Patrick’s money and his message.

Subtext: Milcho is afraid.

Hope/fear: Hope Milcho will listen to Patrick; fear that Patrick will not be able to convince him.

29. INT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Threatened with an afterlife of torture, Milcho commits suicide, killing his wife as well so not to fall under Patrick’s spell and accept his God.

Scene Arc: From Neighbor trying to convince Milcho to not go through with his plan to Milcho burning the house down around him and his wife to keep from eternal torture in the otherworld.

Essence: Milcho is more afraid of Morrigan than of death.

Conflict: Conflict with Neighbor and his wife, trying to deter Milcho from his course of action.

Subtext: The Irish are steeped in fear.

Hope/fear: Hope someone can talk sense into Milcho; fear that Milcho and his wife are dead.

30. EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY – MOMENTS LATER

Patrick tries to save Milcho to no avail. He leaves Milcho’s and runs towards the statue of the sun god.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s trying to save Milcho to running from his home.

Essence: Patrick cannot save Milcho and his wife from their allegiance to Morrigan.

Conflict: Patrick’s attempt to save Milcho and his wife from death.

Subtext: Patrick feels guilt over Milcho’s death.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can save the couple; fear they are dead.

Midpoint Turning Point:

31. EXT. HILL – DAY

Patrick desecrates the statue to the sun god. Vowing that the Irish will not belong to that god. As Patrick turns from the statue, a crow lights onto it.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s anger of his defeat to renewal of his mission.

Essence: Patrick’s anger causes him to desecrate the circle of the sun god – painting a cross over it.

Conflict: Patrick’s attack on the statue of the sun god.

Subtext: Patrick has renewed his hope.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will succeed; fear Morrigan is too strong.

32. EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING

Bacrah kneels trembling in front of Morrigan, asking why he has been brought to King Loeghaire’s castle. He is given a mission to keep King Loeghaire from listening to Patrick. His life depends on it.

Scene Arc: A confused Bacrah to him understanding his life and death mission.

Essence: Bacrah is under Morrigan’s control and to save his life he must keep Patrick from convincing the King of Patrick’s message.

Conflict: Morrigan’s threat to Bacrah’s life.

Subtext: Bacrah hates the control Morrigan has over him but he fears her.

Hope/fear: Hope Bacrah doesn’t thwart Patrick; fear he might succeed.

33. EXT. TARA – HILL OF SLANE – EVENING

Patrick desecrates the sun god’s statue as a crow flies overhead. A flash flood takes away the crosses and drenches Patrick. He lights a fire on the eve of Paschal to dry out, inadvertently breaking a pagan prohibition. He vows to follow the Creator God.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s doubt that he is worth anything to God to giving his all to serve God.

Essence: Patrick believes and trusts in the one true God.

Conflict: Patrick’s inner doubt that he is able to do what God requests.

Subtext: Morrigan can control nature, won’t let Patrick win.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick realizes his strength comes from God; fear he will give up.

34. EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING

Bacrah watches the countryside, notes Patrick’s fire from a distance, growls like a wolf.

Scene Arc: From watching to recognition of a threat.

Essence: Bacrah recognizes the fire as a threat from Patrick.

Conflict: Patrick is threatening the old ways.

Subtext: Patrick is a threat to Bacrah.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick doesn’t have to confront Bacrah; fear Bacrah will harm Patrick.

35. INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING

Bacrah notifies the king of the Paschal fire and obtains permission to seek and kill the man who lit the fire. He takes the Queen, the king’s chief druid, and nine warriors with him.

Scene Arc: King Loeghaire’s discovering someone has lit the Paschal fire to sending Bacrah to kill him.

Essence: King Loeghaire is fearful of Bacrah’s power and submits to his decision to have the man who lit the Paschal fire killed.

Conflict: Threat to King Loeghaire’s rule.

Subtext: The King is afraid of Bacrah, to the point of agreeing to send his Queen with him.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear the engagement to come with Bacrah.

36. EXT. TARA – HILL OF SLANE – EVENING

Bacrah confronts Patrick and curses his God. Patrick calls on God and a miraculous

intervention leaves Bacrah unconscious, the King’s druid (Dubtach) joining Patrick out of fear, and the Queen flees back to the castle, taking Bacrah with her.

Scene Arc: From Bacrah and his men confronting Patrick to being overcome by God’s power.

Essence: God is stronger than the power of the druids.

Conflict: Confrontation between Bacrah and Patrick.

Subtext: Dubtach and the Queen fear Patrick’s power.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will survive; fear what will happen to Patrick if he insists on seeing King Loeghaire.

37. EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – DAWN

Patrick and Dubtach make their way to King Loeghaire’s but are hampered by a thick fog sent by Morrigan. A blind beggar attempts to divert Patrick from his mission by telling him he is needed to help the poor and the blind and that God will bless him with riches and power if he obeys this directive. Patrick rejects the beggar’s philosophy and the fog instantly clears. Victor warns Patrick he must keep his focus, and blesses his journey.

Scene Arc: Lost in a fog to clearly seeing the path before him.

Essence: Patrick is tested to see if he will remain faithful to his mission.

Conflict: Lost in a fog, trying to find the way.

Subtext: Patrick must keep himself free from distractions in order to serve God.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick finds his way; fear he is lost.

38. INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – DAY

Patrick seeks an audience with King Loeghaire but is not able to turn his heart to God. Instead, Patrick is directed to the castle of another King, King Eochaid. Patrick sees a serving woman, thinks it is Alita, and asks for her freedom.

Scene Arc: From attempting to turn King Loeghaire to God to seeking to save Alita.

Essence: Patrick has a reputation for have mystical power. Patrick has found “Alita” and is being sent with her and Dubtach to King Eochaid.

Conflict: Patrick’s verbal sparring with King Loeghaire over religion.

Subtext: The King is afraid of Patrick’s power. Dubtach is afraid of King Eochaid.

Hope/fear: Hope the king will turn to God; fear Patrick’s trip to King Eochaid will be dangerous.

39. INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – PATRICK’S ROOM – EVENING

“Alita” (Lizzie) is sent to Patrick’s room. He discovers she is not his sister.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s joy at rescuing “Alita” to discovering she is not his sister.

Essence: Patrick desire to find his sister blocks his view of reality.

Conflict: Verbal sparring between Lizzie and Patrick.

Subtext: Lizzie thinks she is there to meet Patrick’s needs, not as his sister.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick realizes his error; fear Lizzie will be returned to servanthood.

40. INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – BACRAH’S ROOM – NIGHT

A dread falls on Bacrah as he wakes. Morrigan appears, threatens him once again for his failure, now removing his ability for foresight. She sends him to the High King. States if he does not protect King Aengus, he will be the lowliest in the otherworld for eternity. She disappears as Bacrah screams out in anger.

Scene Arc: Fear of Morrigan to hate of her power.

Essence: Bacrah has failed twice, another failure will subject him to a powerless state for eternity.

Conflict: Morrigan’s threat.

Subtext: Bacrah has no choice but to obey.

Hope/fear: Hope Bacrah and Morrigan do not succeed; fear for Patrick.

41. INT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

Patrick meets King Eochaid, who is doubtful that Patrick can help free his kidnapped son. The King’s son appears and the grateful king agrees to listen to Patrick.

Scene Arc: From King Eochaid’s doubt of Patrick to his gratitude.

Essence: Patrick prays for the deliverance of the King’s son and the son is released.

Conflict: King Eochaid’s threats to Patrick if unsuccessful in helping him.

Subtext: God intervened.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can help; fear the King’s punishment if Patrick doesn’t succeed.

42. INT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – BANQUET HALL – DAY

Patrick, Dubtach, and Lizzie enjoy the banquet. Patrick tells the King of God’s love. He is listening until a crow flies into the castle. In fear at seeing the crow, the King has a heart attack and Patrick, Dubtach, and Lizzie are taken to the dungeon.

Scene Arc: From enjoying the banquet to being thrown in a dungeon.

Essence: The King fears Morrigan and is afraid of Patrick’s message.

Conflict: Verbal sparring over religion, the fear of the King when he sees the crow.

Subtext: Morrigan is the crow and her presence is threatening to the King.

Hope/fear: Hope the King will listen; fear Patrick will be harmed.

43. INT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – DUNGEON – DAY

Dubtach looks for Patrick’s power to free them, Patrick seeks God’s will which angers Dubtach. Lizzie sees Patrick’s faith and turns to God.

Scene Arc: From being locked in dungeon to escorted to King Eochaid.

Essence: Love of God casts out fear.

Conflict: Dubtach seeking power over submission to God.

Subtext: Dubtach seeks power not God.

Hope/fear: Hope they will be rescued; fear what will happen to Patrick.

44. INT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – KING’S BEDROOM – DAY

King Eochaid rejects Patrick’s message but agrees to send him to the High King under his protection.

Scene Arc: From freedom to speak to the King to being asked to leave.

Essence: The King will not accept Patrick’s God.

Conflict: Verbal sparring over religion.

Subtext: The King fears Morrigan.

Hope/fear: Hope the king will listen; fear what will happen to Patrick.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Patrick heads to King Aengus

45. EXT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – DAY

Patrick laments the lost soul and vows to go to the High King. A sudden downpour and a visit from a Banshee with the prophesy of Lizzie’s death if Patrick doesn’t leave his current path leaves Dubtach unsettled.

Scene Arc: From storm to prophesy of death to moving on in faith to the High King.

Essence: Patrick is not deterred by fear

Conflict: Dubtach’s fears vs Lizzie’s faith, Patrick’s decision to move on.

Subtext: Morrigan wants to stop Patrick

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick doesn’t give up; fear for Lizzie’s safety

46. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DAY

Bacrah meets Patrick, Dubtach, and Lizzie outside of the castle. Dubtach betrays Patrick. Bacrah threatens Lizzie if Patrick doesn’t yield and Lizzie responds by killing herself. Patrick is taken to the dungeon.

Scene Arc: Bacrah confronts a confident Patrick to Patrick overcome by guilt.

Essence: Dubtach’s betrayal and Lizzie’s death cause Patrick guilt.

Conflict: Bacrah threatens Lizzie’s life, Dubtach’s betrayal.

Subtext: Lizzie is a strong woman of faith.

Hope/fear: Hope Lizzie won’t be harmed; fear what will happen to Patrick.

47. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DUNGEON – NIGHT

Patrick feels like he is a failure but his faith in God prevails and renews his courage.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s feeling of failure to hope.

Essence: Patrick realizes he must go forward in God’s strength.

Conflict: Patrick’s self-doubt.

Subtext: God is Patrick’s source of strength.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can pull out of his pity party; fear he will be stuck in the dungeon.

48. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

King Aengus is angry that Bacrah overstepped his power by throwing Patrick in the dungeon. He orders Patrick and Bacrah to face him tomorrow.

Scene Arc: Aengus berating Bacrah to ordering him to bring Patrick before him.

Essence: King Aengus wants to hear what Patrick has to say.

Conflict: King Aengus’ anger towards Bacrah.

Subtext: King Aengus feels he is all-powerful and does not fear a druid.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be given a chance; fear what Bacrah will do.

49. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DAY

Patrick speaks to the King but refuses to show his power. He is sentenced to face Morrigan on Mt. Cruachan.

Scene Arc: Patrick free to speak to sentenced to face Morrigan on Mt. Cruachan.

Essence: Patrick refuses to use power to turn the King’s heart.

Conflict: Bacrah’s verbal attacks on Patrick’s weakness.

Subtext: You don’t need powerful signs to turn a heart.

Hope/fear: Hope the King will listen; fear Patrick’s journey to Mt. Cruachan.

50. EXT. BASE OF MOUNT CRUACHAN – DAY

Patrick is being taken up Mt. Cruachan. He sees a peasant woman by a stream (Morrigan) washing clothes soaked with blood. She stares at Patrick as she holds up the rinsed clothes, he realizes they are the exact match of his own. The woman disappears and the soldiers take it as a sign he will die, and that the woman was none other than Morrigan.

Scene Arc: Peaceful journey to prophesy of Patrick’s death.

Essence: Morrigan wants Patrick to know he will die soon.

Conflict: Prophesy of certain death.

Subtext: Patrick will die on Mt. Cruachan.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick won’t die; fear the prophesy will come true.

51. EXT. MT. CRUACHAN – EVENING

Bacrah sends Patrick into a cave to meet Morrigan.

Scene Arc: From threat of danger to willingly entering.

Essence: Patrick is going of his own free will into danger.

Conflict: Bacrah sending Patrick to certain danger.

Subtext: Patrick will be killed.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will survive; fear he will be killed.

52. INT. MT. CRUACHAN – CAVE – EVENING

Patrick enters the cave to confront coils of snakes. He sends them out of the cave and out of Ireland.

Scene Arc: From threat of snakes to safety.

Essence: Patrick is relying on God’s power.

Conflict: Threat of snakes.

Subtext: God’s power is with Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick won’t be bitten; fear he will die.

53. EXT. MT. CRUACHAN – EVENING – MOVING WITH THE SNAKES

The snakes come out of the cave and from the woods, overcoming and moving over the soldiers. The snakes move down the trail and head down the mountain into the sea to die.

Scene Arc: From snakes overcoming soldiers to dying in the sea.

Essence: The snakes are under Patrick’s power and are leaving Ireland.

Conflict: Men vs snakes.

Subtext: God’s power moves the snakes away.

Hope/fear: Hope all the snakes go away; fear of where the snakes are going.

54. INT. MT. CRUACHAN – CAVE – NIGHT

A woman’s voice beckons Patrick deep into the cave. He finds “Alita” who attempts to turn his allegiance to Morrigan. Unbending, Morrigan reacts by showing herself, letting Patrick know Alita is dead and then she kicks Patrick out of the cave.

Scene Arc: From joy at finding Alita to learning she is dead.

Essence: Morrigan cannot turn Patrick.

Conflict: Alita’s attempt to turn Patrick, Morrigan’s anger.

Subtext: Morrigan cannot sway Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will not listen; fear Morrigan’s power.

Turning Point Act 3

55. EXT. MOUNT CRUACHAN – EVENING

Patrick faces the onslaught of the otherworld creatures of Ireland and Morrigan threatens the Irish if he does not submit. In her anger, she takes a piece of the mountain and throws it (the Rock of Cashel). Victor comes to assist him but Patrick refuses to leave Mt. Cruachan until Victor assures him the Irish will turn to God.

Scene Arc: To Morrigan’s onslaught to Patrick’s freedom.

Essence: Patrick has the power to help the Irish and cannot be overcome by Morrigan.

Conflict: The threat of the dangers of nature that Morrigan stirs up.

Subtext: Morrigan can control the elements but not destroy Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick survives; fear what Morrigan will do to the Irish.

Act 4:

Crisis:

56. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

King Aengus and Bacrah investigate the sudden darkness of the day. Bacrah sees Meraxes but the King is unaware and not believing in the otherworld creature.

57. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Bacrah sees the otherworld creatures approaching the castle but the King is blind to them. They both go back into the castle for safety.

58. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

The King and Bacrah see the smoke in the castle. The King goes to his room for safety while Bacrah investigates.

59. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – ROOF – SAME

Bacrah attempts a spell to bring rain and extinguish the flames from Meraxes.

60. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BED CHAMBER – SAME

The King attempts to extinguish the flames at his window with bed covers.

61. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – ROOF – SAME

Bacrah calls down lightning to destroy Meraxes. With an injured wing, Meraxes flies back to Mt. Cruachan. The Rock of Cashel flies over and lands, causing the earth to quake.

62. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BED CHAMBER – SAME

Bacrah tells the King of the extinguished fire and the Rock of Cashel. The King refuses to hide in his room any longer.

63. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Seeing the approach of the otherworld creatures, with Patrick behind them, Bacrah orders the King’s men to attack creatures they cannot see, leaves to give orders from the balcony.

64. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BALCONY – SAME

Bacrah orders the men to start the fight from the balcony. The soldiers cannot see the creatures and begin to fall. He calls for Morrigan and she tells him she is taking his power away by taking those who serve him.

Scene Arc: (From Scene 56-64) From the approach of the otherworld creatures to a full-scale war with Morrigan against Bacrah and the King’s men.

Essence: The castle is being attacked

Conflict: Otherworld creatures vs the King’s men.

Subtext: King Aengus doesn’t trust Bacrah’s analysis of events.

Hope/fear: Hope the King will stay safe: fear the approach of the otherworld creatures.

Climax:

65. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Patrick prays for help and that the warrior’s eyes will be opened. Victor and angels appear and fight, Victor taking on Morrigan. Patrick is attacked but saved by angels. The warriors gain the upper hand once they can see. Morrigan and the otherworld are defeated.

Scene Arc: From King Aengus’ men losing the battle to victory.

Essence: God’s power can defeat spiritual attacks.

Conflict: The otherworld vs Patrick and the King’s men.

Subtext: God’s power is greater than Morrigan.

Hope/fear: Hope that Patrick and the warriors will win; fear Patrick will die.

66. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – SAME

Bacrah tells the King of the victory, the King wants to see Patrick.

67. EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Bacrah confronts Patrick and warns him not to try to turn the King away from the druids power.

Scene Arc: (Scene 66-67) Bacrah’s warning to Patrick’s rejection of the warning.

Essence: Bacrah seeks ultimate power now that Morrigan is bound.

Conflict: Bacrah vs Patrick’s influence on the King.

Subtext: Bacrah wants total control.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick won’t be intimidated; fear Bacrah’s power.

Resolution:

68. INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BANQUET HALL – SAME

Patrick leads the King to the knowledge of the Lord.

Scene Arc: From Bacrah’s rejection of the truth to the King’s acceptance of God.

Essence: Bacrah loses, Patrick’s mission is accomplished.

Conflict: Bacrah’s fight for control.

Subtext: The King is not afraid of the otherworld.

Hope/fear: Hope the King will accept Patrick’s message; fear Bacrah’s power.

69. DREAM SEQUENCE – KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – PATRICK’S ROOM – NIGHT

Victor shows Patrick the Rock of Cashel and promises it to be a center for spreading the gospel. States the King will be baptized here.

Scene Arc: From barren rock to flourishing ministry.

Essence: Patrick has won and will have a ministry in Ireland.

Conflict: None

Subtext: Patrick will be a father to the Irish.

Hope/fear: Hope for the future.

70. EXT. ROCK OF CASHEL – DAY

Patrick baptizes the King and then lifts his staff to pray. He brings it down firm on the “Amen” and the sharp end of the staff goes right through the king’s foot. The people assume Patrick will be killed immediately. Patrick is challenged by his own fear at the event and humbly accepts his fate. The king only replies with Patrick’s own tale of Jesus on the cross, “If the Lord can be nailed through his feet, then I too will suffer for him.” Bacrah is banished.

Scene Arc: Baptism to Bacrah banished.

Essence: Patrick has won.

Conflict: Bacrah’s accusation of Patrick trying to harm the King.

Subtext: God is with Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick is safe; fear Bacrah’s power.

71. EPILOGUE – EXT. ROCK OF CASHEL – DAY – FIVE YEARS LATER

A church has been built on the Rock of Cashel. Peasants file into the church. Patrick overlooks the valley to see a flock of white sheep, one black sheep bleating.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Intriguing Moments

Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: By concentrating on adding Intrigue, I found new story beats that added layers to my script.

Opening: A crow flies over Mt. Cruachan. Standing on an outcropping of rock, MORRIGAN, the queen of the otherworld, looks as if she is in a trance, seeing a vision. She breaks out of the trance, screaming that Ireland is hers, the people are hers, no one will take them from her. (Setup – What she sees is secret, but it is a reveal to her that a human will take the allegiance of the Irish away from her and turn their hearts to God.) EXCITEMENT; MYSTERY – WHAT IS SHE UPSET ABOUT?

Inciting Incident: A boy (TEEN PATRICK), running away from his father’s plan to have him serve in the church, and his sister, ALITA, are kidnapped and taken to Ireland. COURAGE; COVERT AGENDA – Patrick thinks he is there to join the fisherman, but it is a trap and he is kidnapped.

Patrick watches the sheep, a slave of Milcho. He turns to God for solace in his slavery. DISTRESS

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Morrigan enlists Bacrah to seek and destroy Patrick (Setup – she knows he is the one who will turn the hearts of the Irish.) CONSPIRACY – We don’t know who Bacrah is or why he agrees to assist Morrigan.

Bacrah sets it up so a lamb falls into the river, hoping Patrick will try to save it and drown. SCHEME – Bacrah purposely sets Patrick up so he will drown.

Patrick worships God in a lonely field as he watches the sheep. He commits to watching the flock as a service to God.

A lamb falls into the river. Patrick awakes to see a struggling lamb in the river. Patrick asks God to help him save the lamb. The lamb dies. (Setup – Patrick doubting God hears later) COURAGE

Bacrah tells Milcho he must turn Patrick over to him, to serve the high king as a druid.(Setup – Bacrah attempts this as leverage with Morrigan.) DISTRESS; INTRIGUE – Why would Bacrah want Patrick to serve the high king when Morrigan told him to destroy him?

Milcho warns Patrick, and Patrick dreams he must return to England. Milcho expresses his regret for enslaving others – remorse. Tells Patrick not to waste his youth and potential under the control of others. (Setup – Milcho later kills himself as part of Morrigan’s control over his life) SECRET: Who is Milcho enslaved to?

Patrick heads towards the coast and freedom.

On his journey, Patrick is confronted by a savage wolf (Bacrah). Patrick cries out to God. The angel Victor saves Patrick. The wolf whines and backs away. Patrick recognizes God’s power and commits his life to serve him. (Setup – the wolf is actually Bacrah) DISTRESS, COURAGE

Morrigan berates Bacrah for his failure. Gives him a dire warning but states he may still be of some use, tells Bacrah he must be ready to serve.(Setup for Morrigan’s control over Bacrah and his desire to break that control.) INTRIGUE: What will Bacrah be called upon to do?

Patrick is weak from his journey from lack of food, falls unconscious. DISTRESS

Morrigan taunts him in a dream, saying he is not good enough to live, after causing the capture of his sister, the death of the lamb, and warning his parents will reject him for allowing Alita’s kidnapping (Reveal – Patrick’s guilt over past actions) HIDDEN WEAKNESS

A starving Patrick is saved by a family in a remote area, fends off the temptation to stay with them.

Morrigan, shapeshifted into an Irish peasant girl, attempts to seduce Patrick so that he cannot fulfill the prophecy. (Setup – later reveal that it was Morrigan) MORAL ISSUE; CONSPIRACY – Morrigan attempts to trap him.

Patrick leaves the peasant family, finds passage back to England.

Morrigan, shapeshifted into a sailor, helps Patrick gain passage onto a ship so that he will leave Ireland. (Setup – later reveal that it was Morrigan)

Morrigan stirs up a storm and Patrick is shipwrecked. (Setup – Morrigan can control nature – we don’t know Morrigan set up the storm here.) EXCITEMENT

Patrick and the sailors attempt to cross a desert, are miraculously saved from starvation after Patrick prays for them. (Reveal – Patrick can perform miracles by praying)

At home in England, Patrick dreams of the Irish calling him back to Ireland. He realizes the “flock” he promised to care for are the Irish. He decides to become a priest.

Patrick’s parent ask him to stay in England, work in a parish there. They beg him to not make them face losing their son again, especially since they are older and have no one to care for them. Patrick questions his own resolve to go back to Ireland. (Reveal – Patrick’s guilt over past action.) WOUND

First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick, now an ordained priest, keeps his vow, leaves for Ireland. COURAGE

Act 2:

New Plan: Evangelize the Irish.

New Plan in Action: Patrick returns to his former Master, MILCHO, to evangelize him.

Morrigan thwarts Patrick’s plan by threatening Milcho with an afterlife of torture if he listens to Patrick. (Reveal – Milcho is under Morrigan’s control)

Mid-Point Turning Point: Influenced by Morrigan, Patrick’s previous master commits suicide rather than be converted to Christianity. DISTRESS

Patrick defames the sun god’s rocks, turns them into crosses, vows to turn the hearts of the Irish to God. (Setup – for Patrick’s cross seen later)

Morrigan sends a flash flood, washes away the crosses. (Reveal – Morrigan can control nature)

Morrigan sends a thick fog, makes it impossible for Patrick to find his way. INTRIGUE: Will Patrick be able to find his way?

A blind beggar to show him the way out of the fog. The beggar tells Patrick he can do the most good by helping the blind, he can serve God by helping him. He tells him that only the King can make the decision of the people to follow Christianity and that it is futile. He tells him he can best serve the Irish by helping her feed and help the distressed of the land. He states God will bless him with riches and power if he obeys this directive. (Setup – a test of Patrick’s allegiance to his mission). EMOTIONAL DILEMMA; COVERT AGENDA – Morrigan wants Patrick to stop evangelizing.

Patrick rejects the beggar’s philosophy, vows to go to the King and do whatever he can to convert him. The angel Victor appears, states he has passed his test, blesses his journey.(Reveal– test from God.)

Act 3.

Rethink everything: On his way to the king, Patrick is met by druids controlled by Morrigan. They attempt to show him that their traditional beliefs are superior to Patrick’s teachings.

Morrigan attempts to keep Patrick from the King. She orders the chief druid of the high king, Bacrah, to keep Patrick from the lesser king. (Reveal: Morrigan calls in Bacrah’s debt. Setup – Bacrah’s wish to be free from her control.) CONSPIRACY

Bacrah uses magic to convince the lesser king to follow Morrigan but Patrick’s power is greater. . Patrick rejects them and by the power of God keeps the druids from killing him. MORAL ISSUE

(Setup for Dubtach’s “conversion” and Bacrah’s doubt in Morrigan’s power.)

One of the druids, DUBTACH, sees Patrick’s power and converts. (Setup – Dubtach does not truly convert and later betrays Patrick). SUCCESS/WINNING; COVERT AGENDA – Dubtach only follows Patrick for his power.

Patrick attempts to evangelize King Loeghaire.

A message from King Eochaid allows him to send Patrick away without dealing with his religion.

Before sending Patrick away, Patrick sees a woman he thinks is his sister and asks King Loeghaire for her freedom. King Eochaid gifts the woman to Patrick. (Setup – Patrick thinks this is his sister but is just a servant girl). LOVE; COVERT AGENDA – Patrick doesn’t reveal this is his sister.

Patrick discovers the servant (Lizzie) is not his sister. Patrick treats her with respect and takes her with him to free her from her enslavement. (Reveal, setup for Lizzie’s loyalty) BONDING

Patrick arrives before King Eochaid who asks him to ensure his captured son is freed from another king. Dubtach assures the king of Patrick’s power. Patrick prays for the king’s son. (Setup – Dubtach’s belief in Patrick’s power is why he converted, not to serve God.)

King Eochaid’s son is released. King Eochaid wants to learn the Christian way. A crow flies in and King Eochaid has a heart attack. (Setup – the Crow is Morrigan and King Eochaid realizes she is against his curiosity). INTRIGUE – why was the King frightened by a crow?

Patrick, Lizzie, and Dubtach are thrown into prison for supposedly casting a spell on King Eochaid. Patrick accepts imprisonment which turns Dubtach’s heart away. Lizzie sees Patrick’s reaction and turns to God. (Reveal: Dubtach is only after power. Setup – Lizzie willing to give her life for Patrick later.) SACRIFICE

King Eochaid sends Patrick to the High King. Warns of Bacrah’s and Morrigan’s power. (Setup for the showdown between Patrick and Morrigan/Bacrah). INTRIGUE – What will Bacrah and Morrigan do to prevent Patrick from reaching the castle?

New Plan: Go after the High King!

A banshee appears, foretells of Lizzie’s death during a sudden storm if Patrick doesn’t turn from his course. Patrick refused. (Setup – Lizzie’s death) EMOTIONAL DILEMMA

Patrick goes on his way, unbeknownst to him, Morrigan shapeshifts from banshee to herself, to a crow and flies off. (Reveal: Patrick is the human Morrigan fears and she has been shapeshifting to prevent him from evangelizing.)

Turning point at end of Act 3: The people fear both Patrick and Morrigan. The High King states he will only listen to Patrick if he faces Morrigan.

Patrick, Dubtach, and Lizzie arrive at the high king’s castle. Bacrah faces them and Dubtach betrays Patrick. (Reveal: Dubtach’s true character and the prophesy about Patrick.) BETRAYAL

Bacrah threatens Lizzie’s life to control Patrick. Lizzie sacrifices her life so she will not be used by Bacrah. (Reveal – Lizzie is a true convert. Setup– Bacrah realizing how he can escape Morrigan’s clutches.) SACRIFICE

Patrick is sent to the dungeon. He deals with his own self-pity and guilt. Overcomes to stand firm in his faith. (Reveal – Patrick’s resolve to follow God and his own guilty feelings.) WOUND/COURAGE

Patrick is brought before King Aengus. Bacrah is commissioned to take Patrick to Mt. Cruachan and face Morrigan. (Setup for showdown with Morrigan) SCHEME: Morrigan plans to destroy Patrick on Mt. Cruachan, the seat of her power.

Patrick climbs Mount Cruachan to pray and faces the onslaught of the otherworld. Before he arrives, he sees a peasant woman by a stream (Morrigan) washing clothes soaked with blood. As she rinses them out, he sees that they are his clothes. She disappears, leaves him wondering if he is on his way to his death. (Setup for us thinking Patrick will die). DISTRESS; INTRIGUE: Will Patrick die on Mt. Cruachan?

Patrick enters a cave and finds Alita (Morrigan shapeshifted). She tells Patrick she has learned the truth – that Morrigan is the true god. Patrick is almost convinced by her but then quotes Scripture to strengthen his faith. (Setup – we think Alita is alive). MORAL ISSUE; HIDDEN IDENTITY – Alita is really Morrigan.

Morrigan reveals she is shapeshifted into Alita’s form. She sends snakes to attack Patrick. (Reveal)

Patrick sends the snakes from cave, banishes them from Ireland. (Reveal: Patrick’s power)

Morrigan attempts to turn Patrick from his mission. Patrick refuses to bow to her and show fear. In her anger, she blasts a piece of the mountain away, hurls it into the valley where it is eventually named the Rock of Cashel, vowing that he will never win the hearts of the Irish. COURAGE

Patrick meets with Victor, who tells him to go back to King Aengus. Patrick refuses to leave Mt. Cruachan unless the hearts of the Irish turn to God. Victor grants his request.

Act 4:

Crisis: Patrick cannot overcome the otherworld creatures and is consumed by doubt and fear. He is faced with his own motivation for evangelizing and comes to understand that the Irish are enslaved by a religion based on fear and his own tactics have only increased their fear.(Reveal) He realizes that if he loves the Irish, he must show them the power of God’s love. He decides to return to the High King and share the message of God’s love and forgiveness without relying on the powerful signs that evoke fear, even if it means his death. SACRIFICE

Climax: As Patrick nears the castle, he is challenged by Morrigan and the underworld creatures, who fight to destroy him and the king’s army rather than see the Irish leave their paganism. EXCITEMENT

Bacrah sees Patrick’s conviction, gives his life to destroy Morrigan’s dragon, turning the fight so that the King’s soldiers are winning. (Reveal: Bacrah fights to free himself from Morrigan’s power) SACRIFICE: HIDDEN AGENDA – Bacrah doesn’t fight to serve God but to keep his own power.

Morrigan and Victor fight – Morrigan is defeated. SUCCESS/WINNING

Patrick and Bacrah have a show down when Patrick attempts to see the king. Bacrah gives in to Patrick, says he will listen to his message if he can free him from Morrigan’s control. SUCCESS/WINNING

Resolution: When the king hears Patrick’s message of God’s love and promise of freedom from fear, he accepts Patrick’s God. SUCCESS/WINNING

Patrick dreams that the Rock of Cashel becomes the center of the church in Ireland and receives instructions to baptize King Aengus there.

The King is baptized on the Rock of Cashel. Patrick accidentally spears his foot. We think the King will turn against Patrick, but he accepts the wound. EXCITEMENT

Morrigan is banished by the High King. SUCCESS/WINNING

Epilogue: Patrick ministers at a church set on the Rock of Cashel.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Emotional Moments

Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: I had already built in a lot of emotional moments, but didn’t realize there were many scenes that could be emotional moments if written with that in mind.

Opening: A crow flies over Mt. Cruachan. Standing on an outcropping of rock, MORRIGAN, the queen of the otherworld, looks as if she is in a trance, seeing a vision. She breaks out of the trance, screaming that Ireland is hers, the people are hers, no one will take them from her. (Setup – What she sees is secret, but it is a reveal to her that a human will take the allegiance of the Irish away from her and turn their hearts to God.) EXCITEMENT

Inciting Incident: A boy (TEEN PATRICK), running away from his father’s plan to have him serve in the church, and his sister, ALITA, are kidnapped and taken to Ireland. COURAGE

Patrick watches the sheep, a slave of Milcho. He turns to God for solace in his slavery. DISTRESS

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Morrigan enlists Bacrah to seek and destroy Patrick (Setup – she knows he is the one who will turn the hearts of the Irish.)

Bacrah sets it up so a lamb falls into the river, hoping Patrick will try to save it and drown.

Patrick worships God in a lonely field as he watches the sheep. A lamb falls into the river. Patrick awakes to see a struggling lamb in the river. Patrick asks God to help him save the lamb. The lamb dies. (Setup – Patrick doubting God hears later) COURAGE

Bacrah tells Milcho he must turn Patrick over to him, to serve the high king as a druid.(Setup – Bacrah attempts this as leverage with Morrigan.) DISTRESS

Milcho warns Patrick, and Patrick dreams he must return to England. Milcho expresses his regret for enslaving others – remorse. Tells Patrick not to waste his youth and potential under the control of others. (Setup – Milcho later kills himself as part of Morrigan’s control over his life)

Patrick heads towards the coast and freedom.

On his journey, Patrick is confronted by a savage wolf (Bacrah). Patrick cries out to God. The angel Victor saves Patrick. The wolf whines and backs away. Patrick recognizes God’s power and commits his life to serve him. (Setup – the wolf is actually Bacrah) DISTRESS, COURAGE

Morrigan berates Bacrah for his failure. Gives him a dire warning but states he may still be of some use, tells Bacrah he must be ready to serve.(Setup for Morrigan’s control over Bacrah and his desire to break that control.)

Patrick is weak from his journey from lack of food, falls unconscious. DISTRESS

Morrigan taunts him in a dream, saying he is not good enough to live, after causing the capture of his sister, the death of the lamb, and warning his parents will reject him for allowing Alita’s kidnapping (Reveal – Patrick’s guilt over past actions) HIDDEN WEAKNESS

A starving Patrick is saved by a family in a remote area, fends off the temptation to stay with them.

Morrigan, shapeshifted into an Irish peasant girl, attempts to seduce Patrick so that he cannot fulfill the prophecy. (Setup – later reveal that it was Morrigan) MORAL ISSUE

Patrick leaves the peasant family, finds passage back to England.

Morrigan, shapeshifted into a sailor, helps Patrick gain passage onto a ship so that he will leave Ireland. . (Setup – later reveal that it was Morrigan)

Morrigan stirs up a storm and Patrick is shipwrecked. (Setup – Morrigan can control nature – we don’t know Morrigan set up the storm here.) EXCITEMENT

Patrick and the sailors attempt to cross a desert, are miraculously saved from starvation after Patrick prays for them. (Reveal – Patrick can perform miracles by praying)

At home in England, Patrick dreams of the Irish calling him back to Ireland. He decides to become a priest.

Patrick’s parent ask him to stay in England, work in a parish there. They beg him to not make them face losing their son again, especially since they are older and have no one to care for them. Patrick questions his own resolve to go back to Ireland. (Reveal – Patrick’s guilt over past action.) WOUND

First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick, now an ordained priest, keeps his vow, leaves for Ireland. COURAGE

Act 2:

New Plan: Evangelize the Irish.

New Plan in Action: Patrick returns to his former Master, MILCHO, to evangelize him.

Morrigan thwarts Patrick’s plan by threatening Milcho with an afterlife of torture if he listens to Patrick. (Reveal – Milcho is under Morrigan’s control)

Mid-Point Turning Point: Influenced by Morrigan, Patrick’s previous master commits suicide rather than be converted to Christianity. DISTRESS

Patrick defames the sun god’s rocks, turns them into crosses, vows to turn the hearts of the Irish to God. (Setup – for Patrick’s cross seen later)

Morrigan sends a flash flood, washes away the crosses. (Reveal – Morrigan can control nature)

Morrigan sends a thick fog, makes it impossible for Patrick to find his way.

A blind beggar to show him the way out of the fog. The beggar tells Patrick he can do the most good by helping the blind, he can serve God by helping him. He tells him that only the King can make the decision of the people to follow Christianity and that it is futile. He tells him Morrigan is a good god and he can best serve the Irish by helping her feed and help the distressed of the land. He states Morrigan will bless him with riches and power if he follows her. (Setup – a test from God to see Patrick’s allegiance). EMOTIONAL DILEMMA

Patrick rejects the beggar’s philosophy, vows to go to the King and do whatever he can to convert him. The angel Victor appears, states he has passed his test, blesses his journey.(Reveal– test from God.)

Act 3.

Rethink everything: On his way to the king, Patrick is met by druids controlled by Morrigan. They attempt to show him that their traditional beliefs are superior to Patrick’s teachings. Patrick rejects them and by the power of God keeps the druids from killing him. MORAL ISSUE

Morrigan attempts to keep Patrick from the King. She orders the chief druid of the high king, Bacrah, to keep Patrick from the lesser king. (Reveal: Morrigan calls in Bacrah’s debt. Setup – Bacrah’s wish to be free from her control.)

Bacrah uses magic to convince the lesser king to follow Morrigan but Patrick’s power is greater. (Setup for Dubtach’s “conversion” and Bacrah’s doubt in Morrigan’s power.)

One of the druids, DUBTACH, sees Patrick’s power and converts. (Setup – Dubtach does not truly convert and later betrays Patrick). SUCCESS/WINNING

Patrick attempts to evangelize King Loeghaire.

Morrigan strikes the king dead so that the people will not turn to Patrick’s God but a message from King Eochaid allows him to send Patrick away.

Before sending Patrick away, Patrick sees a woman he thinks is his sister and asks King Loeghaire for her freedom. King Eochaid gifts the woman to Patrick. (Setup – Patrick thinks this is his sister but is just a servant girl). LOVE

Patrick discovers the servant (Lizzie) is not his sister. Patrick treats her with respect and takes her with him to free her from her enslavement. (Reveal, setup for Lizzie’s loyalty) BONDING

Patrick arrives before King Eochaid who asks him to ensure his captured son is freed from another king. Dubtach assures the king of Patrick’s power. Patrick prays for the king’s son. (Setup – Dubtach’s belief in Patrick’s power is why he converted, not to serve God.)

King Eochaid’s son is released. King Eochaid wants to learn the Christian way. A crow flies in and King Eochaid has a heart attack. (Setup – the Crow is Morrigan and King Eochaid realizes she is against his curiosity).

Patrick, Lizzie, and Dubtach are thrown into prison for supposedly casting a spell on King Eochaid. Patrick accepts imprisonment which turns Dubtach’s heart away. Lizzie sees Patrick’s reaction and turns to God. (Reveal: Dubtach is only after power. Setup – Lizzie willing to give her life for Patrick later.) SACRIFICE

King Eochaid sends Patrick to the High King. Warns of Bacrah’s and Morrigan’s power. (Setup for the showdown between Patrick and Morrigan/Bacrah).

New Plan: Go after the High King!

A banshee appears, foretells of Lizzie’s death during a sudden storm if Patrick doesn’t turn from his course. Patrick refused. (Setup – Lizzie’s death) EMOTIONAL DILEMMA

Patrick goes on his way, unbeknownst to him, Morrigan shapeshifts from banshee to herself, to a crow and flies off. (Reveal: Patrick is the human Morrigan fears and she has been shapeshifting to prevent him from evangelizing.)

Turning point at end of Act 3: The people fear both Patrick and Morrigan. The High King states he will only listen to Patrick if he faces Morrigan.

Patrick, Dubtach, and Lizzie arrive at the high king’s castle. Bacrah faces them and Dubtach betrays Patrick. (Reveal: Dubtach’s true character and the prophesy about Patrick.) BETRAYAL

Bacrah threatens Lizzie’s life to control Patrick. Lizzie sacrifices her life so she will not be used by Bacrah. (Reveal – Lizzie is a true convert. Setup– Bacrah realizing how he can escape Morrigan’s clutches.) SACRIFICE

Patrick is sent to the dungeon. He deals with his own self-pity and guilt. Overcomes to stand firm in his faith. (Reveal – Patrick’s resolve to follow God and his own guilty feelings.) WOUND/COURAGE

Patrick is brought before King Aengus. Bacrah is commissioned to take Patrick to Mt. Cruachan and face Morrigan. (Setup for showdown with Morrigan)

Patrick climbs Mount Cruachan to pray and faces the onslaught of the otherworld. Before he arrives, he sees a peasant woman by a stream (Morrigan) washing clothes soaked with blood. As she rinses them out, he sees that they are his clothes. She disappears, leaves him wondering if he is on his way to his death. (Setup for us thinking Patrick will die). DISTRESS

Patrick enters a cave and finds Alita (Morrigan shapeshifted). She tells Patrick she has learned the truth – that Morrigan is the true god. Patrick is almost convinced by her but then quotes Scripture to strengthen his faith. (Setup – we think Alita is alive). MORAL ISSUE

Morrigan reveals she is shapeshifted into Alita’s form. She sends snakes to attack Patrick. (Reveal)

Patrick sends the snakes from cave, banishes them from Ireland. (Reveal: Patrick’s power)

Morrigan attempts to turn Patrick from his mission. Patrick refuses to bow to her and show fear. In her anger, she blasts a piece of the mountain away, hurls it into the valley where it is eventually named the Rock of Cashel, vowing that he will never win the hearts of the Irish. COURAGE

Act 4:

Crisis: Patrick cannot overcome the otherworld creatures and is consumed by doubt and fear. He is faced with his own motivation for evangelizing and comes to understand that the Irish are enslaved by a religion based on fear and his own tactics have only increased their fear.(Reveal) He realizes that if he loves the Irish, he must show them the power of God’s love. He decides to return to the High King and share the message of God’s love and forgiveness without relying on the powerful signs that evoke fear, even if it means his death. SACRIFICE

Climax: As Patrick nears the castle, he is challenged by Morrigan and the underworld creatures, who fight to destroy him and the king’s army rather than see the Irish leave their paganism. EXCITEMENT

Bacrah sees Patrick’s conviction, gives his life to destroy Morrigan’s dragon, turning the fight so that the King’s soldiers are winning. (Reveal: Bacrah gives his life to God to free himself from Morrigan’s power) SACRIFICE

Resolution: When the king hears Patrick’s message of God’s love and promise of freedom from fear, he accepts Patrick’s God. SUCCESS/WINNING

Morrigan is banished by the High King. SUCCESS/WINNING

Epilogue: Patrick ministers at a church set on the Rock of Cashel.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Reveals!

Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies.

What I learned: I used AI again to brainstorm reveals, twists, and surprises. Used that information to develop a character and create a surprise at the climax.

Opening: A crow flies over Mt. Cruachan. Standing on an outcropping of rock, MORRIGAN, the queen of the otherworld, looks as if she is in a trance, seeing a vision. She breaks out of the trance, screaming that Ireland is hers, the people are hers, no one will take them from her. (Setup – What she sees is secret, but it is a reveal to her that a human will take the allegiance of the Irish away from her and turn their hearts to God.)

Inciting Incident: A boy (TEEN PATRICK), running away from his father’s plan to have him serve in the church, and his sister, ALITA, are kidnapped and taken to Ireland.

Patrick watches the sheep, a slave of Milcho. He turns to God for solace in his slavery.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Morrigan enlists Bacrah to seek and destroy Patrick (Setup – she knows he is the one who will turn the hearts of the Irish.)

Bacrah sets it up so a lamb falls into the river, hoping Patrick will try to save it and drown.

Patrick worships God in a lonely field as he watches the sheep. A lamb falls into the river. Patrick awakes to see a struggling lamb in the river. Patrick asks God to help him save the lamb. The lamb dies. (Setup – Patrick doubting God hears later)

Bacrah tells Milcho he must turn Patrick over to him, to serve the high king as a druid.(Setup – Bacrah attempts this as leverage with Morrigan.)

Milcho warns Patrick, and Patrick dreams he must return to England. Milcho expresses his regret for enslaving others – remorse. Tells Patrick not to waste his youth and potential under the control of others. (Setup – Milcho later kills himself as part of Morrigan’s control over his life)

Patrick heads towards the coast and freedom.

On his journey, Patrick is confronted by a savage wolf (Bacrah). Patrick cries out to God. The angel Victor saves Patrick. The wolf whines and backs away. Patrick recognizes God’s power and commits his life to serve him. (Setup – the wolf is actually Bacrah)

Morrigan berates Bacrah for his failure. Gives him a dire warning but states he may still be of some use, tells Bacrah he must be ready to serve.(Setup for Morrigan’s control over Bacrah and his desire to break that control.)

Patrick is weak from his journey from lack of food, falls unconscious.

Morrigan taunts him in a dream, saying he is not good enough to live, after causing the capture of his sister, the death of the lamb, and warning his parents will reject him for allowing Alita’s kidnapping (Reveal – Patrick’s guilt over past actions)

A starving Patrick is saved by a family in a remote area, fends off the temptation to stay with them.

Morrigan, shapeshifted into an Irish peasant girl, attempts to seduce Patrick so that he cannot fulfill the prophecy. (Setup – later reveal that it was Morrigan)

Patrick leaves the peasant family, finds passage back to England.

Morrigan, shapeshifted into a sailor, helps Patrick gain passage onto a ship so that he will leave Ireland. . (Setup – later reveal that it was Morrigan)

Morrigan stirs up a storm and Patrick is shipwrecked. (Setup – Morrigan can control nature – we don’t know Morrigan set up the storm here.)

Patrick and the sailors attempt to cross a desert, are miraculously saved from starvation after Patrick prays for them. (Reveal – Patrick can perform miracles by praying)

At home in England, Patrick dreams of the Irish calling him back to Ireland. He decides to become a priest.

Patrick’s parent ask him to stay in England, work in a parish there. They beg him to not make them face losing their son again, especially since they are older and have no one to care for them. Patrick questions his own resolve to go back to Ireland. (Reveal – Patrick’s guilt over past action.)

First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick, now an ordained priest, keeps his vow, leaves for Ireland.

Act 2:

New Plan: Evangelize the Irish.

New Plan in Action: Patrick returns to his former Master, MILCHO, to evangelize him.

Morrigan thwarts Patrick’s plan by threatening Milcho with an afterlife of torture if he listens to Patrick. (Reveal – Milcho is under Morrigan’s control)

Mid-Point Turning Point: Influenced by Morrigan, Patrick’s previous master commits suicide rather than be converted to Christianity.

Patrick defames the sun god’s rocks, turns them into crosses, vows to turn the hearts of the Irish to God. (Setup – for Patrick’s cross seen later)

Morrigan sends a flash flood, washes away the crosses. (Reveal – Morrigan can control nature)

Morrigan sends a thick fog, makes it impossible for Patrick to find his way.

A blind beggar to show him the way out of the fog. The beggar tells Patrick he can do the most good by helping the blind, he can serve God by helping him. He tells him that only the King can make the decision of the people to follow Christianity and that it is futile. He tells him Morrigan is a good god and he can best serve the Irish by helping her feed and help the distressed of the land. He states Morrigan will bless him with riches and power if he follows her. (Setup – a test from God to see Patrick’s allegiance).

Patrick rejects the beggar’s philosophy, vows to go to the King and do whatever he can to convert him. The angel Victor appears, states he has passed his test, blesses his journey.(Reveal– test from God.)

Act 3.

Rethink everything: On his way to the king, Patrick is met by druids controlled by Morrigan. They attempt to show him that their traditional beliefs are superior to Patrick’s teachings. Patrick rejects them and by the power of God keeps the druids from killing him

Morrigan attempts to keep Patrick from the King. She orders the chief druid of the high king, Bacrah, to keep Patrick from the lesser king. (Reveal: Morrigan calls in Bacrah’s debt. Setup – Bacrah’s wish to be free from her control.)

Bacrah uses magic to convince the lesser king to follow Morrigan but Patrick’s power is greater. (Setup for Dubtach’s “conversion” and Bacrah’s doubt in Morrigan’s power.)

One of the druids, DUBTACH, sees Patrick’s power and converts. (Setup – Dubtach does not truly convert and later betrays Patrick).

Patrick attempts to evangelize King Loeghaire.

Morrigan strikes the king dead so that the people will not turn to Patrick’s God but a message from King Eochaid allows him to send Patrick away.

Before sending Patrick away, Patrick sees a woman he thinks is his sister and asks King Loeghaire for her freedom. King Eochaid gifts the woman to Patrick. (Setup – Patrick thinks this is his sister but is just a servant girl).

Patrick discovers the servant (Lizzie) is not his sister. Patrick treats her with respect and takes her with him to free her from her enslavement. (Reveal, setup for Lizzie’s loyalty)

Patrick arrives before King Eochaid who asks him to ensure his captured son is freed from another king. Dubtach assures the king of Patrick’s power. Patrick prays for the king’s son. (Setup – Dubtach’s belief in Patrick’s power is why he converted, not to serve God.)

King Eochaid’s son is released. King Eochaid wants to learn the Christian way. A crow flies in and King Eochaid has a heart attack. (Setup – the Crow is Morrigan and King Eochaid realizes she is against his curiosity).

Patrick, Lizzie, and Dubtach are thrown into prison for supposedly casting a spell on King Eochaid. Patrick accepts imprisonment which turns Dubtach’s heart away. Lizzie sees Patrick’s reaction and turns to God. (Reveal: Dubtach is only after power. Setup – Lizzie willing to give her life for Patrick later.)

King Eochaid sends Patrick to the High King. Warns of Bacrah’s and Morrigan’s power. (Setup for the showdown between Patrick and Morrigan/Bacrah).

New Plan: Go after the High King!

A banshee appears, foretells of Lizzie’s death during a sudden storm if Patrick doesn’t turn from his course. Patrick refused. (Setup – Lizzie’s death)

Patrick goes on his way, unbeknownst to him, Morrigan shapeshifts from banshee to herself, to a crow and flies off. (Reveal: Patrick is the human Morrigan fears and she has been shapeshifting to prevent him from evangelizing.)

Turning point at end of Act 3: The people fear both Patrick and Morrigan. The High King states he will only listen to Patrick if he faces Morrigan.

Patrick, Dubtach, and Lizzie arrive at the high king’s castle. Bacrah faces them and Dubtach betrays Patrick. (Reveal: Dubtach’s true character and the prophesy about Patrick.)

Bacrah threatens Lizzie’s life to control Patrick. Lizzie sacrifices her life so she will not be used by Bacrah. (Reveal – Lizzie is a true convert. Setup– Bacrah realizing how he can escape Morrigan’s clutches.)

Patrick is sent to the dungeon. He deals with his own self-pity and guilt. Overcomes to stand firm in his faith. (Reveal – Patrick’s resolve to follow God and his own guilty feelings.)

Patrick is brought before King Aengus. Bacrah is commissioned to take Patrick to Mt. Cruachan and face Morrigan. (Setup for showdown with Morrigan)

Patrick climbs Mount Cruachan to pray and faces the onslaught of the otherworld. Before he arrives, he sees a peasant woman by a stream (Morrigan) washing clothes soaked with blood. As she rinses them out, he sees that they are his clothes. She disappears, leaves him wondering if he is on his way to his death. (Setup for us thinking Patrick will die).

Patrick enters a cave and finds Alita (Morrigan shapeshifted). She tells Patrick she has learned the truth – that Morrigan is the true god. Patrick is almost convinced by her but then quotes Scripture to strengthen his faith. (Setup – we think Alita is alive).

Morrigan reveals she is shapeshifted into Alita’s form. She sends snakes to attack Patrick. (Reveal)

Patrick sends the snakes from cave, banishes them from Ireland. (Reveal: Patrick’s power)

Morrigan attempts to turn Patrick from his mission. Patrick refuses to bow to her and show fear. In her anger, she blasts a piece of the mountain away, hurls it into the valley where it is eventually named the Rock of Cashel, vowing that he will never win the hearts of the Irish.

Act 4:

Crisis: Patrick cannot overcome the otherworld creatures and is consumed by doubt and fear. He is faced with his own motivation for evangelizing and comes to understand that the Irish are enslaved by a religion based on fear and his own tactics have only increased their fear.(Reveal) He realizes that if he loves the Irish, he must show them the power of God’s love. He decides to return to the High King and share the message of God’s love and forgiveness without relying on the powerful signs that evoke fear, even if it means his death.

Climax: As Patrick nears the castle, he is challenged by Morrigan and the underworld creatures, who fight to destroy him and the king’s army rather than see the Irish leave their paganism.

Bacrah sees Patrick’s conviction, gives his life to destroy Morrigan’s dragon, turning the fight so that the King’s soldiers are winning. (Reveal: Bacrah gives his life to God to free himself from Morrigan’s power)

Resolution: When the king hears Patrick’s message of God’s love and promise of freedom from fear, he accepts Patrick’s God.

Morrigan is banished by the High King.

Epilogue: Patrick ministers at a church set on the Rock of Cashel.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Action Tracks!

Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: I used AI to brainstorm possible actions based on the character’s profile. This tool helped me identify other areas where action could be taken.

AJ, Deeper Layer. Opening: A crow flies over Mt. Cruachan. Standing on an outcropping of rock, MORRIGAN, the queen of the otherworld, looks as if she is in a trance, seeing a vision. She breaks out of the trance, screaming that Ireland is hers, the people are hers, no one will take them from her. (What she sees is secret, but it is a reveal to her that a human will take the allegiance of the Irish away from her and turn their hearts to God.)

PJ: Inciting Incident: A boy (TEEN PATRICK), running away from his father’s plan to have him serve in the church, and his sister, ALITA, are kidnapped and taken to Ireland.

PJ: Patrick watches the sheep, a slave of Milcho. He turns to God for solace in his slavery.

AJ Deeper Layer: By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Morrigan enlists Bacrah to seek and destroy Patrick for she knows he is the one who will turn the hearts of the Irish.

Triangle: Bacrah sets it up so a lamb falls into the river, hoping Patrick will try to save it and drown.

PJ: Patrick worships God in a lonely field as he watches the sheep. A lamb falls into the river. Patrick awakes to see a struggling lamb. Patrick asks God to help him save the lamb. The lamb dies.

Triangle: Bacrah tells Milcho he must turn Patrick over to him, to serve the high king as a druid. Bacrah attempts this as leverage with Morrigan.

PJ: Milcho warns Patrick, and Patrick dreams he must return to England. Milcho expresses his regret for enslaving others – remorse. Tells Patrick not to waste his youth and potential under the control of others. Patrick heads towards the coast and freedom.

PJ: On his journey, Patrick is confronted by a savage wolf (Bacrah). Patrick cries out to God. The angel Victor saves Patrick. The wolf whines and backs away. Patrick recognizes God’s power and commits his life to serve him.

AJ: Morrigan berates Bacrah for his failure. Gives him a dire warning but states he may still be of some use, tells Bacrah he must be ready to serve.

PJ: Patrick is weak from his journey from lack of food, falls unconscious.

AJ: Morrigan taunts him in a dream, saying he is not good enough to live, after causing the capture of his sister, the death of the lamb, and warning his parents will reject him for allowing Alita’s kidnapping.

PJ: A starving Patrick is saved by a family in a remote area, fends off the temptation to stay with them.

AJ Deeper Layer: Morrigan, shapeshifted into an Irish peasant girl, attempts to seduce Patrick so that he cannot fulfill the prophecy.

PJ: Patrick leaves the peasant family, finds passage back to England.

AJ Deeper Layer: Morrigan, shapeshifted into a sailor, helps Patrick gain passage onto a ship so that he will leave Ireland.

AJ: Morrigan stirs up a storm and Patrick is shipwrecked.

PJ: Patrick and the sailors attempt to cross a desert, are miraculously saved from starvation after Patrick prays for them.

PJ: At home in England, Patrick dreams of the Irish calling him back to Ireland. He decides to become a priest.

PJ: Patrick’s parent beg him to stay in England, work in a parish there. They offer pleas to not make them face losing their son again, especially since they are older and have no one to care for them. Patrick questions his own resolve to go back to Ireland.

PJ: First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick, now an ordained priest, keeps his vow, leaves for Ireland.

Act 2:

New Plan: Evangelize the Irish.

PJ: New Plan in Action: Patrick returns to his former Master, MILCHO, to evangelize him.

AJ: Morrigan thwarts Patrick’s plan by threatening Milcho with an afterlife of torture if he listens to Patrick.

AJ: Mid-Point Turning Point: Influenced by Morrigan, Patrick’s previous master commits suicide rather than be converted to Christianity.

PJ: Patrick sets up crosses, vows to turn the hearts of the Irish to God.

AJ: Morrigan sends a flash flood, washes away the crosses.

AJ: Morrigan sends a thick fog, makes it impossible for Patrick to find his way. She shapeshifts into a blind beggar to show him the way out of the fog. The beggar tells Patrick he can do the most good by helping the blind, he can serve God by helping him. He tells him that only the King can make the decision of the people to follow Christianity and that it is futile. He tells him Morrigan is a good god and he can best serve the Irish by helping her feed and help the distressed of the land. He states Morrigan will bless him with riches and power if he follows her.

PJ: Patrick rejects the beggar’s philosophy, vows to go to the King and do whatever he can to convert him.

Act 3.

PJ: Rethink everything: On his way to the king, Patrick is met by druids controlled by Morrigan. They attempt to show him that their traditional beliefs are superior to Patrick’s teachings. Patrick rejects them and by the power of God keeps the druids from killing him. One of the druids, DUBTACH, sees Patrick’s power and converts.

AJ: Morrigan attempts to keep Patrick from the King. She orders the chief druid of the high king, Bacrah, to keep Patrick from the lesser king.

Triangle: Bacrah uses magic to convince the lesser king to follow Morrigan but Patrick’s power is greater.

AJ: Patrick attempts to evangelize the king but the king dies before turning to God.

PJ: Morrigan strikes the king dead so that the people will not turn to Patrick’s God.

New Plan: Go after the High King!

REVEAL: Patrick is the human Morrigan fears and she has been shapeshifting to prevent him from evangelizing.

AJ: Turning point at end of Act 3: The people fear both Patrick and Morrigan. The High King states he will only listen to Patrick if he faces Morrigan.

Triangle: Bacrah is commissioned to take Patrick to Mt. Cruachan and face Morrigan.

PJ: Patrick climbs Mount Cruachan to pray and faces the onslaught of the otherworld. Before he arrives, he sees a peasant woman by a stream (Morrigan) washing clothes soaked with blood. As she rinses them out, he sees that they are his clothes. She disappears, leaves him wondering if he is on his way to his death.

PJ: Patrick enters a cave and finds Alita (Morrigan shapeshifted). She tells Patrick she has learned the truth – that Morrigan is the true god. Patrick is almost convinced by her but then quotes Scripture to strengthen his faith.

AJ: Morrigan sends snakes to attack Patrick.

PJ: Patrick sends the snakes from cave, banishes them from Ireland.

AJ: Morrigan attempts to turn Patrick from his mission. Patrick refuses to bow to her and show fear. In her anger, she blasts a piece of the mountain away, hurls it into the valley where it is eventually named the Rock of Cashel, vowing that he will never win the hearts of the Irish.

Act 4:

PJ: Crisis: Patrick cannot overcome the otherworld creatures and is consumed by doubt and fear. He is faced with his own motivation for evangelizing and comes to understand that the Irish are enslaved by a religion based on fear and his own tactics have only increased their fear. He realizes that if he loves the Irish, he must show them the power of God’s love. He decides to return to the High King and share the message of God’s love and forgiveness without relying on the powerful signs that evoke fear, even if it means his death.

AJ, PJ: Climax: As Patrick nears the castle, he is challenged by Morrigan and the underworld creatures, who fight to destroy him and the king’s army rather than see the Irish leave their paganism.

AJ: Resolution: When the king hears Patrick’s message of God’s love and promise of freedom from fear, he accepts Patrick’s God.

PJ: Morrigan is banished by the High King.

Epilogue: Patrick ministers at a church set on the Rock of Cashel.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s New Outline Beats!

Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies.

What I learned: Several gaps in my story presented themselves.

Beats:

AJ: Opening: A crow flies over Mt. Cruachan. Standing on an outcropping of rock, MORRIGAN, the queen of the otherworld, looks as if she is in a trance, seeing a vision. She breaks out of the trance, screaming that Ireland is hers, the people are hers, no one will take them from her. (What she sees is secret, but it is a reveal to her that a human will take the allegiance of the Irish away from her and turn their hearts to God.)

PJ: Inciting Incident:  A boy (TEEN PATRICK), running away from his father’s plan to have him serve in the church, and his sister, ALITA, are kidnapped and taken to Ireland.

PJ: Patrick watches the sheep, a slave of Milcho. He finds God as he watches the sheep.

AJ Deeper Layer: By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Morrigan enlists Bacrah to seek and destroy Patrick for she knows he is the one.

PJ: Patrick worships God in a lonely field as he watches the sheep. A lamb falls into the river. Patrick awakes to see a struggling lamb. Asks God to help him save the lamb. The lamb dies.

PJ: Milcho warns Patrick, and Patrick dreams he must return to England. He heads towards the coast and freedom.

PJ: On his journey, Patrick is confronted by a savage wolf (Bacrah). Patrick cries out to God. The angel Victor saves Patrick. The wolf whines and backs away. Patrick recognizes God’s power and commits his life to serve him.

AJ: Morrigan berates Bacrah for his failure. States he may still be of some use, to be ready to serve.

PJ: Patrick is weak from his journey, falls unconscious.

AJ: Morrigan taunts him in a dream, saying he is not good enough to live, after causing the capture of his sister, the death of the lamb, and warning his parents will reject him.

PJ: A starving Patrick is saved by a family in a remote area, fends off the temptation to stay with them.

AJ Deeper Layer: Morrigan, shapeshifted into an Irish peasant girl, attempts to seduce Patrick so that he cannot fulfill the prophecy.

PJ: Patrick finds passage back to England.

AJ Deeper Layer: Morrigan, shapeshifted into a sailor, helps Patrick gain passage onto a ship so that he will leave Ireland.

AJ: Morrigan stirs up a storm and Patrick is shipwrecked.

PJ: Patrick and the sailors attempt to cross a desert, are miraculously saved from starvation after Patrick prays for them.

PJ: At home in England, Patrick dreams of the Irish calling him back to Ireland. He decides to become a priest.

PJ: First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick, now an ordained priest, leaves for Ireland, against his parent’s pleas to not make them face losing their son again.

Act 2:

New Plan: Evangelize the Irish.

PJ: New Plan in Action: Patrick returns to his former Master, MILCHO, to evangelize him.

AJ: Morrigan thwarts Patrick’s plan by threatening Milcho with an afterlife of torture if he listens to Patrick.

AJ: Mid-Point Turning Point: Influenced by Morrigan, Patrick’s previous master commits suicide rather than be converted to Christianity.

PJ: Patrick sets up crosses, vows to turn the hearts of the Irish to God.

AJ: Morrigan sends a flash flood, washes away the crosses.

AJ: Morrigan sends a thick fog, makes it impossible for Patrick to find his way. She shapeshifts into a blind beggar to show him the way out of the fog. The beggar tells Patrick he can do the most good by helping the blind, he can serve God by helping him. He tells him that only the King can make the decision of the people to follow Christianity and that it is futile. He tells him Morrigan is a good god and he can best serve the Irish by helping her feed and help the distressed of the land. He states Morrigan will bless him with riches and power if he follows her.

PJ: Patrick rejects the beggar’s philosophy, vows to go to the King and do whatever he can to convert him.

Act 3.

PJ: Rethink everything: On his way to the king, Patrick is met by druids controlled by Morrigan. They attempt to show him that their traditional beliefs are superior to Patrick’s teachings. Patrick rejects them and by the power of God, Patrick keeps the druids from killing him. One of the druids, DUBTACH, sees Patrick’s power and converts.

AJ: Morrigan attempts to keep Patrick from the King. She orders the chief druid, BACRAH, to keep Patrick from the king. Bacrah uses magic but Patrick’s power is greater.

AJ: Patrick makes his way to the king, attempts to evangelize him but the king dies before turning to God.

PJ: Morrigan strikes the king dead so that the people will not turn to Patrick’s God.

New Plan: Go after the High King!

REVEAL: Patrick is the human Morrigan fears and she has been shapeshifting to prevent him from evangelizing.

AJ: Turning point at end of Act 3:  The people fear both Patrick and Morrigan. The High King states he will only listen to Patrick if he faces Morrigan.

PJ: Patrick climbs mount Cruachan to pray and faces the onslaught of the otherworld. Before he arrives, he sees a peasant woman by a stream (Morrigan) washing clothes soaked with blood. As she rinses them out, he sees that they are his clothes. She disappears, leaves him wondering if he is on his way to his death.

PJ: Patrick enters a cave and finds Alita (Morrigan shapeshifted). She tells Patrick she has learned the truth – that Morrigan is the true god. Patrick is almost convinced by her but then quotes Scripture to strengthen his faith.

AJ: Morrigan sends snakes to attack Patrick.

PJ: Patrick sends the snakes from cave, banishes them from Ireland.

AJ: Morrigan attempts to turn Patrick from his mission. Patrick refuses to bow to her and show fear. In her anger, she blasts a piece of the mountain away, hurls it into the valley where it is eventually named the Rock of Cashel, vowing that he will never win the hearts of the Irish.

Act 4:

PJ: Crisis: Patrick cannot overcome the otherworld creatures and is consumed by doubt and fear.  He is faced with his own motivation for evangelizing and comes to understand that the Irish are enslaved by a religion based on fear and his own tactics have only increased their fear. He realizes that if he loves the Irish, he must show them the power of God’s love. He decides to return to the High King and share the message of God’s love and forgiveness without relying on the powerful signs that evoke fear, even if it means his death.

AJ, PJ: Climax: As Patrick nears the castle, he is challenged by Morrigan and the underworld creatures, who fight to destroy him and the king’s army rather than see the Irish leave their paganism.

AJ: Resolution: When the king hears Patrick’s message of God’s love and promise of freedom from fear, he accepts Patrick’s God.

PJ: Morrigan is banished by the High King.

Epilogue: Patrick ministers at a church set on the Rock of Cashel.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1

Vision: To be the best screenwriter for Faith-Based Movies

What I learned: The opening I previously had envisioned needed to be changed to account for the deeper layers.

AJ, Deeper Layer. Opening: A crow flies over Mt. Cruachan. Standing on an outcropping of rock, MORRIGAN, the queen of the otherworld, looks as if she is in a trance, seeing a vision. She breaks out of the trance, screaming that Ireland is hers, the people are hers, no one will take them from her. (What she sees is secret, but it is a reveal to her that a human will take the allegiance of the Irish away from her and turn their hearts to God.)

PJ: Inciting Incident: A boy (TEEN PATRICK), running away from his father’s plan to have him serve in the church, and his sister, ALITA, are kidnapped and taken to Ireland.

AJ Deeper Layer: By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Morrigan attempts to kill Patrick, who she believes is the fulfillment of the prophecy, she is shapeshifted into a wolf but we don’t know it is Morrigan.

PJ: When confronted by a savage wolf, Patrick cries out to God. The angel Victor saves Patrick. The wolf whines and backs away. Patrick recognizes God’s power and commits his life to serve him.

AJ: Patrick escapes his master and heads towards the coast and freedom.

PJ: A starving Patrick is saved by a family in a remote area, and fends off the temptation to stay with them.

AJ Deeper Layer: Morrigan, shapeshifted into an Irish peasant girl, attempts to seduce Patrick so that he cannot fulfill the prophecy.

AJ: Patrick finds passage back to England.

PJ Deeper Layer: Morrigan, shapeshifted into a sailor, helps Patrick gain passage onto a ship so that he will leave Ireland.

AJ: First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick, now an ordained priest, leaves for Ireland, against his parent’s pleas to not make them face losing their son again.

Act 2:

New Plan: Evangelize the Irish.

PJ: New Plan in Action: Patrick returns to his former Master, MILCHO, in an attempt to evangelize him.

AJ: Morrigan thwarts Patrick’s plan by threatening Milcho with an afterlife of torture if he listens to Patrick.

AJ: Mid-Point Turning Point: Influenced by Morrigan, Patrick’s previous master commits suicide rather than be converted to Christianity. Patrick realizes the Irish will never accept Christianity unless it is the religion of their king, so he vows to go to the King and do whatever he can to convert him.

Act 3.

PJ: Rethink everything: On his way to the king, Patrick is met by druids. By the power of God, Patrick is able to keep the druids from killing him. One of the druids, DUBTACH, sees Patrick’s power and converts.

AJ: Morrigan attempts to keep Patrick from the King. She orders the chief druid, BACRAH, to keep Patrick from the king. Bacrah uses magic but Patrick’s power is greater.

AJ: Patrick makes his way to the king, attempts to evangelize him but the king dies before turning to God.

PJ: Morrigan strikes the king dead so that the people will not turn to Patrick’s God.

New Plan: Go after the High King!

REVEAL: Patrick is the human Morrigan fears and she has been shapeshifting to prevent him from evangelizing.

AJ: Turning point at end of Act 3: The people fear both Patrick and Morrigan. The High King states he will only listen to Patrick if he faces Morrigan. He climbs mount Cruachan to pray and faces the onslaught of the otherworld.

PJ: Morrigan attempts to turn Patrick from his mission. Patrick refuses to bow to her and show fear. In her anger, she blasts a piece of the mountain away, hurls it into the valley where it is eventually named the Rock of Cashel, vowing that he will never win the hearts of the Irish.

Act 4:

AJ: Crisis: Patrick cannot overcome the otherworld creatures and is consumed by doubt and fear. He is faced with his own motivation for evangelizing and comes to understand that the Irish are enslaved by a religion based on fear and his own tactics have only increased their fear. He realizes that if he loves the Irish, he must show them the power of God’s love. He decides to return to the High King and share the message of God’s love and forgiveness without relying on the powerful signs that evoke fear, even if it means his death.

AJ, PJ: Climax: As Patrick nears the castle, he is challenged by Morrigan and the underworld creatures, who fight to destroy him and the king’s army rather than see the Irish leave their paganism.

AJ: Resolution: When the king hears Patrick’s message of God’s love and promise of freedom from fear, he accepts Patrick’s God.

PJ: Morrigan is banished by the High King.

Epilogue: Patrick ministers at a church set on the Rock of Cashel.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Deeper Layers

My Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: Deeper Layers are necessary for a good story.

Surface Layer: Patrick is a Catholic Bishop, in Ireland to convert the Irish qne establish a church.

Deeper Layer: Patrick is the fulfillment of a prophecy. A human would come and turn the hearts of the Irish away from their allegiance to Morrigan, the God of the otherworld.

Major Reveal: Patrick’s first convert betrays him, reveals the prophecy and his allegiance to Morrigan. On Mt. Cruachan, Patrick realizes that Bacrah is really Morrigan’s slave.

Influences Surface Story: Morrigan is behind the scenes, attempting to thwart every attempt Patrick makes to evangelize the Irish.

Hints – a crow is seen before Morrigan shape shifts.

Opening: We see Morrigan at the beginning, deeply affected by a prophetic vision, but we don’t know what the vision is.

Act 1: Wolves chasing Patrick, the peasant girl’s attempted seduction

Turning pt 1: Micho’s irrational fear of Patrick

Act 2: The King suffers a heart attack from irrational fear.

Act 3: Bacrah influences the King to have Patrick face the Otherworld.

Changes Reality: What we think are normal situations are really Morrigan’s interference as she shapeshifts into other people.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Character Structure

Vision: to be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies.

PATRICK – Protatagonist

Beginning: Patrick fights with his sister, Alita. She wants him to go home, he wants to stay at the docks to meet some fisherman. He is insistent that he is running away to be a fisherman and won’t be forced to follow his Father’s will, to serve in the church.

Inciting Incident:  Patrick and Alita are kidnapped and taken to Ireland as slaves.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick has escaped Ireland, returned home and become a priest. He decides to return to Ireland, against his parent’s pleas to not make them face losing their son again.

Act 2: Patrick attempts to evangelize Milcho, his former master.

Mid-Point Turning Point: Influenced by Morrigan, Patrick’s previous master commits suicide rather than be converted to Christianity. Patrick realizes the Irish will never accept Christianity unless it is the religion of their king., so he vows to go to the King and do whatever he can to convert him.

Act 3: Patrick journey takes him to the king, where his religion is rejected. He decides to go for the high king.

Turning point 3: The high king states he will listen to Patrick if he can overcome the creatures of the otherworld on Mt. Cruachan.

Act 4: The otherworld comes against the High King’s castle and is defeated.

Resolution: The King is converted to Christianity and is baptized. The Irish accept Patrick.

MORRIGAN – Queen of the Otherworld – Antagonist.

Beginning: Morrigan is defeated in a struggle with other God’s and here territory is confined to Ireland.

Inciting Incident:In a prophetic vision, she sees a human coming that will turn the hearts of the Irish away from her and turn their hearts to his God.

Turning pt. 1: Morrigan recognizes Patrick as the human who will conquer the hearts of the Irish. She attempts to seduce him, unsuccessfully, to her way. She goes after those he tries to convert, and is successful in keeping Patrick’s former master from turning to Christianity.

Act 2: Morrigan schemes against Patrick, subverting his plans at every turn.

Turning pt 2: Morrigan turns Patrick’s travel companion against Patrick, and he betrays him to the High King.

Act 3: Morrigan convinces the High King (through Bacrah the chief druid) to have Patrick face her on Mt. Cruachan, convinced she will be able to defeat him.

Turning pt 3: Morrigan is unable to defeat Patrick, so she sends the otherworld creatures after the high king.

Act 4 climax: The otherworld creatures are defeated and the High King is converted to Christianity and turns his allegiance from Morrigan.

Resolution: Morrigan is banished to the otherworld.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Supporting Characters

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: The importance of giving supporting characters purpose and value.

Movie Title: Rock of Cashel

Supporting Characters:

Name: Bacrah

· Role: King Aengus’ Chief Druid. Bacrah is a druid under Morrigan’s control.

· Main Purpose: His purpose is to keep the High King loyal to Morrigan and teach the King’s children the same.

· Value: He functions as Morrigan’s spy and voice to influence the High King.

Name: Milcho

· Role: Patrick’s Master in Ireland

· Main Purpose: Helps Patrick escape from Morrigan.

· Value: Shows us the hardened hearts of the Irish against any belief in Patrick’s God and their deep rooted loyalty to Morrigan.

Name: King Loeghaire

· Role: Irish King who gives insight into the pagan culture

· Main Purpose: Set Patrick up with his traveling companions, Dubtach and Lizzie

· Value: He introduces us to the power of the Kings and gives Patrick safe passage on his journey to meet another king and seek permission to proselytize

Name: King Eochaid

· Role: Irish King who chooses death over healing by Patrick’s God

· Main Purpose: Sends Patrick to the High King

· Value: Reveals the stronghold Morrigan has over the Irish Kings

Name: Dubtach

· Role: Converted Druid who betrays Patrick

· Main Purpose: To set Patrick up as the one who would fulfill the legend, seducing the people and subverting the old order of things

· Value: Shows the stronghold fear has over the druids

Name: Alita – Patrick’s sister

· Role: Sister who was kidnapped with Patrick and taken to Ireland

· Main Purpose: Promotes empathy for Patrick, reveals how the rebellious teen has strayed from his Christian upbringing

· Value: Intrigue. Patrick searches for her throughout the story.

Name: Elizabeth McGee (Lizzie) Slave woman Patrick mistakes for his sister

· Role: Mistaken for Alita, Patrick’s sister, becomes his traveling companion

· Main Purpose: Saves Patrick’s life

· Value: Voice of reason between Patrick and Dubtach. Able to give Patrick insight into the culture.

Name: King Aengus – High King

· Role: High King who becomes a Christian

· Main Purpose: Set up trials for Patrick, allows Patrick to show the way to God

· Value: Opens the door for Christianity in Ireland

Name: Angel Victor – St. Patrick’s protector

· Role: God’s protecting Angel

· Main Purpose: Protect Patrick from Morrigan’s attacks

· Value: Show God’s protection of Patrick

Background Characters:

1. Milcho’s wife

2. Meraxes – Morrigan’s Dragon

3. Abhartach – Dwarfs, undead creatures of the Otherworld

4. Slaugh- Otherworld spirits of the dead

5. Druids – under Bacrah’s leadership

6. King Aengus’ army

7. King Loeghaire’s army

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Character Profiles, Part 2

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: How to create character profiles that will make our lead characters stellar.

Movie Title: Rock of Cashel

Protagonist: (St.) Patrick

A. High Concept: A slave becomes a priest and fights druids and creatures from Ireland’s otherworld to save the king and change the culture of a nation.

B. This character’s journey: From rebellious teen to saint fighting for the spiritual lives of a nation.

C. The Actor Attractors:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? This story is about a revered historical figure. The story deepens the known blending it in with the legends for this character.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? All the other players revolve or react to his actions/inactions.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Escapes from the Queen of the Otherworld (Morrigan) time and time again. Stands against an onslaught of nature caused by Morrigan and comes out unharmed.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He is introduced as a person unafraid of the powers of the dark because of his faith in God, even against supernatural onslaughts.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? From fear, to risk-taking, to hero moments saving lives, to extreme courage, to grief, to moments of victory.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He hides his fear based on his faith.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? His relationship with Morrigan as she shape shifts into different characters.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? His deep faith in God comes out through lines which can comfort and encourage anyone in any day or age.

9. What makes this character special and unique? He is a known historical figure but is also surrounded by legends of fantastical doings to combat the Otherworld.

Profile:

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist– Patrick, a boy runs away from his father forcing him into the church, is captured, made a slave, escapes, and becomes a priest who battles the Queen of the Otherworld to turn the hearts of the Irish to Christ.

2. Age range and Description: (teen +) Late 40’s, fit. Projects the quiet calm of a saint but can turn on a dime to reveal a passionate debater of truth.

3. Core Traits: God-fearing, stubborn, loyal, persistent.

4. Motivation; Want/Need; Wants to establish a church in Ireland, and turn the hearts of the Irish to God; Needs to survive the onslaught of the otherworld

5. Wound: What they can’t face: Because of his rebellion as a teen, his sister was kidnapped and lost to the family

6. Likeability, Relatability, Empathy:

· Likability: Risks his life to save a lamb.

· Relatability: Rebels against his father who is forcing him to serve in the church.

· Empathy: Kidnapped and made a servant to a sheep farmer in Ireland.

7. Character Subtext: A priest who covers up his past actions that caused the capture of his sister and the death of his master.

8. Character Intrigue: He states he is on a mission for God, to turn their hearts, but his other mission is to find his sister, which he does not disclose to those with him.

9. Flaw: Depends on the people’s fear as they see the miracles to convince them, instead of trying to reach them by loving them.

10. Values: Love for God, allegiance to God, completing the task God has given him to do.

11. Character Dilemma: Power of God to win vs Love, forgiveness, and submission.

Antagonist: Morrigan, Queen of the Otherworld

1. High Concept: Ireland’s Otherworld Queen fights to keep her reign in the hearts of the Irish.

2. This character’s journey: From reigning Queen to war goddess fighting against Patrick and his desire to turn a nation to the one true God.

3. The Actor Attractors:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? This is a legendary Irish shape shifting goddess known for her strength in war.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Little is known about this Irish legend, but she commands her space and refuses to relinquish her hold on the Irish.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Cuts rock out of mountain, hurls it to form the Rock of Cashel, and leads an army of Otherworld creatures on an attack of the castle.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? She is introduced as an angry goddess who cuts rock out of mountain, hurls it across the valley to form the Rock of Cashel.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Anger, pride, deceit, defeat.

6. What subtext can the actor play? She is afraid of Patrick and the power he receives from God.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? Her relationship with Patrick, attempts to discourage him, then woo him to her side.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? She is a proud, undefeated warrior, speaks of her powers and threatens others into submission.

9. What makes this character special and unique? She has unique powers as Queen of the Irish Otherworld.

Profile:

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist: Morrigan, the Queen of the Otherworld, battles Patrick for the allegiance of the Irish. She shapeshifts to mislead and deceive him, to keep him from turning the hearts of the Irish to God.

2. Age range and Description: Late 20’s, built like a goddess, she mirrors the strength of a rock wall. The anger she often wears on her face makes her anything but beautiful.

3. Core Traits: Manipulative, evil, tricky, intelligent

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to keep the Irish happy so they won’t turn to Patrick’s God; Needs to have total control over her “children” (the Irish)

5. Wound: What they can’t face: Doesn’t want to lose her power or control over the Irish as she did warring other gods and then was banished to reign over Ireland.

6. Likeability, Relatability, Empathy:

· Likability: Expresses her love for the people of Ireland, “her children”

· Relatability: Up against someone who is taking her “children” away from her.

· Empathy: Humiliated by a human she is unable to control.

7. Character Subtext: Morrigan shapeshifts into whatever form needed to seduce people to do her will, she hides who she really is.

8. Character Intrigue: Morrigan wants to stop Patrick from proselytizing the Irish, but she secretly admires his strength and wants him to serve her in the Otherworld.

9. Flaw: She is over-confident, believes her powers are stronger in Ireland than Patrick’s God.

10. Values: Winning, strength, power.

11. Character Dilemma: She wants to woo Patrick to her side, not destroy him . She wants the keep the Irish loyal without turning them away by being too harsh. (Love vs Control) Honorable combat vs submitting to deceit to win

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Character Profiles, Part 1

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: How to create character profiles that will make our lead characters stellar.

Movie Title: Rock of Cashel

Protagonist: (St.) Patrick

A. High Concept: A slave becomes a priest and fights druids and creatures from Ireland’s otherworld to save the king and change the culture of a nation.

B. This character’s journey: From rebellious teen to saint fighting for the spiritual lives of a nation.

C. The Actor Attractors:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? This story is about a revered historical figure. The story deepens the known blending it in with the legends for this character.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? All the other players revolve or react to his actions/inactions.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Escapes from the Queen of the Otherworld (Morrigan) time and time again. Stands against an onslaught of nature caused by Morrigan and comes out unharmed.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He is introduced as a person unafraid of the powers of the dark because of his faith in God, even against supernatural onslaughts.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? From fear, to risk-taking, to hero moments saving lives, to extreme courage, to grief, to moments of victory.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He hides his fear based on his faith.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? His relationship with Morrigan as she shape shifts into different characters.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? His deep faith in God comes out through lines which can comfort and encourage anyone in any day or age.

9. What makes this character special and unique? He is a known historical figure but is also surrounded by legends of fantastical doings to combat the Otherworld.

Profile:

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist– Patrick, a boy running away from his father forcing him into the church, is captured, made a slave, escapes, and becomes a priest who battles the Queen of the Otherworld to turn the hearts of the Irish to Christ.

2. Age range and Description: (teen +) Late 40’s, fit. Projects the quiet calm of a saint but can turn on a dime to reveal a passionate debater of truth.

3. Core Traits: God-fearing, stubborn, loyal, persistent.

4. Motivation; Want/Need; Wants to establish a church in Ireland, and turn the hearts of the Irish to God; Needs to survive the onslaught of the otherworld

5. Wound: What they can’t face: Because of his rebellion as a teen, his sister was kidnapped and lost to the family

6. Likeability, Relatability, Empathy:

· Likability: Risks his life to save a lamb.

· Relatability: Rebels against his father who is forcing him to serve in the church.

· Empathy: Kidnapped and made a servant to a sheep farmer in Ireland.

Antagonist: Morrigan, Queen of the Otherworld

1. High Concept: Ireland’s Otherworld Queen fights to keep her reign in the hearts of the Irish.

2. This character’s journey: From reigning Queen to war goddess fighting against Patrick and his desire to turn a nation to the one true God.

3. The Actor Attractors:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? This is a legendary Irish goddess known for her strength in war, that shapeshifts.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Little is known about this Irish legend, she commands her space and refuses to relinquish her hold on the Irish.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Cuts rock out of mountain, hurls it to form the Rock of Cashel, leads an army of Otherworld creatures on an attack of the castle.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? She is introduced as an angry goddess who cuts rock out of mountain, hurls it across the valley to form the Rock of Cashel.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Anger, pride, deceit, defeat.

6. What subtext can the actor play? She is afraid of Patrick and the power he receives from God.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? His relationship with Patrick, attempts to discourage him, the woo him to her side.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? She is a proud, undefeated warrior, speaks of her powers and threatens others into submission.

9. What makes this character special and unique? She has unique powers as Queen of the Irish Otherworld.

Profile:

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist: Morrigan, the Queen of the Otherworld, battles Patrick for the allegiance of the Irish. She shapeshifts to mislead and deceive him, to keep him from turning the hearts of the Irish to God.

2. Age range and Description: Late 20’s, built like a goddess, she mirrors the strength of a rock wall. The anger she often wears on her face makes her anything but beautiful.

3. Core Traits: Manipulative, evil, tricky, intelligent

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to keep the Irish happy so they won’t turn to Patrick’s God; Needs to have total control over her “children” (the Irish)

5. Wound: What they can’t face: Doesn’t want to lose her power or control over the Irish as she did warring other gods and banished to reign over Ireland.

6. Likeability, Relatability, Empathy:

· Likability: Expresses her love for the people of Ireland, “her children”

· Relatability: Up against someone who is taking her group away from her.

· Empathy: Humiliated by a human she is unable to control.

Triangle: Bacrah, Druid for the High King

High Concept: A chief druid assists Morrigan to keep the High King’s heart loyal to the Queen of the Otherworld.

This character’s journey: From chief influencer in the life of the King to rejected druid.

The Actor Attractors:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? This is a legendary figure that influenced the high king of Ireland.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? His use of spells and his being between forced to do Morrigan’s bidding or face eternal torture.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Chases Patrick, convinces the King to send Patrick to Mt. Cruachan to fight against the Otherworld.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Introduced as a loyal druid, casting spells.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Anger, fear, pride, deceit, defeat.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He is afraid of Morrigan and her power, and hates that he is forced to obey her.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? His relationship with Morrigan, attempting to evade her commands.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? He is a skilled enchanter.

9. What makes this character special and unique? He has unique powers as a druid and influencer over the High King.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: How to connect an audience with your characters.

Movie Title: Rock of Cashel

Protagonist: (St.) Patrick

Likability: Risks his life to save a lamb.

Relatability: Rebels against his father who is forcing him to serve in the church.

Empathy: Kidnapped and made a servant to a sheep farmer in Ireland.

Antagonist: Morrigan, Queen of the Otherworld

Likability: Expresses her love for the people of Ireland, “her children”

Relatability: Up against someone who is taking her group away from her.

Empathy: Humiliated by a human she is unable to control.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Character Intrigue

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: A little bit of brainstorming can open up unique layers for your characters.

Title: Rock of Cashel

Character: Patrick

Role: Protagonist

Intrigue Items:

Competition: Patrick is in competition with Morrigan, although he won’t call it that or even recognize it to himself. He just sees himself doing God’s will, but he actively does everything he can to compete for the hearts of the Irish. This will show up as he attempts to recognize her next move and outwit her. He also will use whatever powers given him by God to combat her powers.

Unspoken wound: Patrick caused the situation where is sister is kidnapped, allowed a sheep he was watching to drown through his inattention to duty, and caused the king’s death through his naivety. He doesn’t speak about these but it drives his focus and his care so that it doesn’t happen again.

Character: Morrigan, Queen of the Otherworld

Role: Antagonist

Intrigue items:

Conspiracies – She sets up events and characters to lure Patrick away from his mission.

Deception- She shapeshifts into other characters to deceive Patrick and those with him.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Subtext Characters

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: Identifying areas of subtext before you write will guide your writing so that subtext is built in.

Movie Title: Rock of Cashel

Character Name: (St.) Patrick

Subtext Identity: A priest who covers
up his past actions that caused the capture of his sister, the death of
his master, and the death of the king.<div>

Subtext Trait: Fearful of causing
harm to others through his actions.

Subtext Logline: Patrick is a man
who is committed to seeing all of the Irish turn their hearts to God. When
Morrigan threatens the lives of his followers, he struggles with his faith
in God.

Possible Areas of Subtext:

o Act 1: Feels guilt that he caused his sister’s capture.

o Act 2: Feels guilt over his master’s death.

o Act 3: Feels guilt over the king’s death.

o Act 4: Feels responsible for the war and death of many at the castle.

Character Name: Morrigan, Queen of the Otherworld

Subtext Identity: The seducer</div><div>

Subtext Trait: Manipulative, Secretive,
Evil, Tricky

Subtext Logline: Morrigan
shapeshifts into whatever form needed to seduce people to do her will.

Possible Areas of Subtext:

o Act 1: Attempts to seduce Patrick, tricking him to obey her.

o Act 2: Attempts to seduce Patrick, shapeshifting into a country maid.

o Act 3: Attempts to seduce Patrick, and convince him his religion is wrong by shapeshifting into his sister.

o Act 4: Attempts to seduce Patrick into using his powers to show off before the king so she can “one-up” him and destroy his credibility

</div>

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Actor Attractors!

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: Actor Attractors can make an actor’s career as well as a screenwriters!

Movie Title: Rock of Cashel

Lead Character Name: (St.) Patrick

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? This story is about a revered historical figure. The story deepens the known blending it in with the legends for this character.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? All the other players revolve or react to his actions/inactions.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Escapes from the Queen of the Otherworld (Morrigan) time and time again. Stands against an onslaught of nature caused by Morrigan and comes out unharmed.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He is introduced as a person unafraid of the powers of the dark because of his faith in God, even against supernatural onslaughts.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? From fear, to risk-taking, to hero moments saving lives, to extreme courage, to grief, to moments of victory.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He hides his fear based on his faith.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? His relationship with Morrigan as she shape shifts into different characters.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? His deep faith in God comes out through lines which can comfort and encourage anyone in any day or age.

9. What makes this character special and unique? He is a known historical figure but is also surrounded by legends of fantastical doings to combat the Otherworld.

Lead Character Name: Morrigan, Queen of the Otherworld

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? This is a legendary Irish goddess known for her strength in war, that shapeshifts.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Little is known about this Irish legend, she commands her space and refuses to relinquish her hold on the Irish.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Cuts rock out of mountain, hurls it to form the Rock of Cashel, leads an army of Otherworld creatures on an attack of the castle.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? She is introduced as an angry goddess who cuts rock out of mountain, hurls it across the valley to form the Rock of Cashel.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Anger, pride, deceit, defeat.

6. What subtext can the actor play? She is afraid of Patrick and the power he receives from God.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? His relationship with Patrick, attempts to discourage him, the woo him to her side.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? She is a proud, undefeated warrior, speaks of her powers and threatens others into submission.

9. What makes this character special and unique? She has unique powers as Queen of the Irish Otherworld.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Actor Attractors for Movie: Queen of the Desert

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: The Actor Attractors!

Movie Title: Queen of the Desert

Lead Character Name: Gertrude Bell (Nicole Kidman)

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? This story is from an historical event in 1915 with a strong female lead who inspires other females to take risks, be brave, follow the mission of your own making.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? She is unlike the sterotypical female in 1915. She is smart, breaks the mold, has men attracted to her but also dependent on her.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? She bridges the culture gap and is able to effectively navigate the fierce tribes in the desert.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? She is talked about among a group of military experts (all men) discussing their need for her expertise. Her first scene she is expressing her need to escape – to be somewhere, do something different.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? From desperation to love, to grief, to love again, to fear, to knowledgeable counselor.

6. What subtext can the actor play? Subtext in flirting scenes and in scenes with tribal leaders.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? Her negotiations with the sheiks.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? She speaks and writes with symbolism and poetry.

9. What makes this character special and unique? She is “as bold as any Bedouin man” while holding her own against the bias held by men in her own culture

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Genre Conventions

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: Requirements for Genres.

TITLE: Rock of Cashel

GENRE: Sci-Fi

Purpose: To explore the Spiritual conflict between the Irish Otherworld and the Christian religion.

Fantastic World: The Irish Otherworld intersecting with St. Patrick’s life

Science: The power of the Otherworld and its real effects on our world

Incredible Visuals: Destruction of nature on Mt. Cruachan, the forming of the Rock of Cashel, the destruction of the King’s castle by Queen of the Otherworld, Morrigan utilizing her dragon like creature and creatures from the Otherworld.

Social Commentary: The warning not to following the dark of the Otherworld but turn your life over to God for eternal safety

Sub-Genre: Drama

GENRE: Drama

Purpose: See St. Patrick’s inner struggle to follow God and complete the mission he has been given to turn the hearts of the Irish to God.

Character-Driven Journey: St. Patrick’s growth from rebellious teen, hating the church, to sacrificing his life to bring others to God.

High Stakes come from within: Patrick’s journey is not one forced on him, but one of his own making as he is determined to follow God’s leading in his life.

Emotionally Resonates: We root for Patrick as he struggles to get an audience with the king, in a cat and mouse game with the Queen of the Otherworld.

Challenging, emotionally-charged situations: Patrick is tempted and deception is evident as Patrick deals with the shape-shifted Morrigan, who puts him in life-death situations.

Real-life situations: This is a blend of historical events and the legends of the Irish.

CONCEPT: (St.) Patrick fights the Queen of Ireland’s Otherworld to save the king and change the culture of a nation.

Major Story Hook: Impossible Goal/Unsolvable Problem: Will (St.) Patrick’s faith be strong enough to overcome the powers of Morrigan, Queen of the Otherworld?

Protagonist: Patrick, a boy running away from his father forcing him into the church, battles the Queen of the Otherworld to turn the hearts of the Irish to Christ.

Antagonist: Morrigan, the Queen of the Otherworld, battles Patrick for the allegiance of the Irish.

Arc beginning: Rebellious teen who hates the church

Arc ending: Catholic priest with established followers in Ireland

Internal Journey: Patrick goes from rebelling against the church to sacrificing his life to establish a church in Ireland.

External Journey: Patrick goes from trying to escape Ireland and return to England to building a church and defying the Catholic’s church mandate that he leave Ireland.

Old Ways:

· Runs away from his father who is forcing him to have a career in the church

· Looks for ways to escape Ireland where he is being held captive

New Ways:

· Trusts God to take care of him

· Knows he is called to bring the Irish to God

· Stands up against the Queen of the Otherworld to fulfill his calling from God

· Establishes a church in Ireland

· Defies the Catholic Church who wants him to leave his ministry in Ireland

Subtext plot: Hiding who they are, Superior Position

How this will play out: Morrigan is a shape shifter. She interacts with Patrick as different characters but Patrick does not realize the person he interacts with is not innocent, but the evil Morrigan with an agenda. We are in a superior position as we realize/suspect it is Morrigan, even if Patrick does not.

Opening: The goddess of Ireland’s Otherworld, MORRIGAN, confronts a Catholic bishop, PATRICK. He refuses to bow to her and show fear. In her anger, she blasts a piece of the mountain away, hurls it into the valley where it is eventually named the Rock of Cashel, vowing that he will never win the hearts of the Irish.

Inciting Incident: A boy (TEEN PATRICK), running away from his father’s plan to have him serve in the church, and his sister ALITA are kidnapped and taken to Ireland.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Patrick is confronted by a Morrigan, shape shifted into a savage wolf, but he cries out to God and the wolf whines and backs away. Patrick recognizes God’s power and commits his life to serve him.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick, now an ordained priest, leaves for Ireland, against hiss parent’s pleas to not make them face losing their son again.

Mid-Point: Influenced by Morrigan, Patrick’s previous master commits suicide rather than be converted to Christianity. Patrick realizes the Irish will never accept Christianity unless it is the religion of their king, so he vows to go to the King and do whatever he can to convert him.

Second turning point at end of Act 2: The people fear both Patrick and Morrigan. Patrick realizes he must face the otherworld creatures of Ireland and defeat them or the king will never listen to him. He climbs mount Cruachan to pray and faces the onslaught of the otherworld.

Crisis: Patrick cannot overcome the otherworld creatures and is consumed by doubt and fear. He is faced with his own motivation for evangelizing and comes to understand that the Irish are enslaved by a religion based on fear and his own tactics have only increased their fear. He realizes that if he loves the Irish, he must show them the power of God’s love. He decides to return to the king and share the message of God’s love and forgiveness without relying on the powerful signs that evoke fear, even if it means his death.

Climax: As Patrick nears the castle, he is challenged by Morrigan and the underworld creatures, who fight to destroy him and the king’s army rather than see the Irish leave their paganism.

Resolution: When the king hears Patrick’s message of God’s love and promise of freedom from fear, he accepts Patrick’s God and banishes Morrigan and the druids.

Epilogue: Patrick ministers at a church set on the Rock of Cashel.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Four Act Transformational Structure

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: You need to be clear about your major structure points, it is the framework of your story.

TITLE: Rock of Cashel

GENRE: Sci-Fi Drama

CONCEPT: (St.) Patrick fights the Queen of Ireland’s Otherworld to save the king and change the culture of a nation.

Major Story Hook: Impossible Goal/Unsolvable Problem: Will (St.) Patrick’s faith be strong enough to overcome the powers of Morrigan, Queen of the Otherworld?

Protagonist: Patrick, a boy running away from his father forcing him into the church, battles the Queen of the Otherworld to turn the hearts of the Irish to Christ.

Antagonist: Morrigan, the Queen of the Otherworld, battles Patrick for the allegiance of the Irish.

Arc beginning: Rebellious teen who hates the church

Arc ending: Catholic priest with established followers in Ireland

Internal Journey: Patrick goes from rebelling against the church to sacrificing his life to establish a church in Ireland.

External Journey: Patrick goes from trying to escape Ireland and return to England to building a church and defying the Catholic’s church mandate that he leave Ireland.

Old Ways:

· Runs away from his father who is forcing him to have a career in the church

· Looks for ways to escape Ireland where he is being held captive

New Ways:

· Trusts God to take care of him

· Knows he is called to bring the Irish to God

· Stands up against the Queen of the Otherworld to fulfill his calling from God

· Establishes a church in Ireland

· Defies the Catholic Church who wants him to leave his ministry in Ireland

Subtext plot: Hiding who they are, Superior Position

How this will play out: Morrigan is a shape shifter. She interacts with Patrick as different characters but Patrick does not realize the person he interacts with is not innocent, but the evil Morrigan with an agenda. We are in a superior position as we realize/suspect it is Morrigan, even if Patrick does not.

Opening: The goddess of Ireland’s Otherworld, MORRIGAN, confronts a Catholic bishop, PATRICK. He refuses to bow to her and show fear. In her anger, she blasts a piece of the mountain away, hurls it into the valley where it is eventually named the Rock of Cashel, vowing that he will never win the hearts of the Irish.

Inciting Incident: A boy (TEEN PATRICK), running away from his father’s plan to have him serve in the church, and his sister ALITA are kidnapped and taken to Ireland.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Patrick is confronted by a Morrigan, shape shifted into a savage wolf, but he cries out to God and the wolf whines and backs away. Patrick recognizes God’s power and commits his life to serve him.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick, now an ordained priest, leaves for Ireland, against hiss parent’s pleas to not make them face losing their son again.

Mid-Point: Influenced by Morrigan, Patrick’s previous master commits suicide rather than be converted to Christianity. Patrick realizes the Irish will never accept Christianity unless it is the religion of their king, so he vows to go to the King and do whatever he can to convert him.

Second turning point at end of Act 2: The people fear both Patrick and Morrigan. Patrick realizes he must face the otherworld creatures of Ireland and defeat them or the king will never listen to him. He climbs mount Cruachan to pray and faces the onslaught of the otherworld.

Crisis: Patrick cannot overcome the otherworld creatures and is consumed by doubt and fear. He is faced with his own motivation for evangelizing and comes to understand that the Irish are enslaved by a religion based on fear and his own tactics have only increased their fear. He realizes that if he loves the Irish, he must show them the power of God’s love. He decides to return to the king and share the message of God’s love and forgiveness without relying on the powerful signs that evoke fear, even if it means his death.

Climax: As Patrick nears the castle, he is challenged by Morrigan and the underworld creatures, who fight to destroy him and the king’s army rather than see the Irish leave their paganism.

Resolution: When the king hears Patrick’s message of God’s love and promise of freedom from fear, he accepts Patrick’s God and banishes Morrigan and the druids.

Epilogue: Patrick ministers at a church set on the Rock of Cashel.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Subtext plot

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: Adding the subtext plot before you start writing will help create subtext.

CONCEPT: A slave becomes a priest and fights druids and creatures from Ireland’s otherworld to save the king and change the culture of a nation.

Subtext plot: Hiding who they are, Superior Position

How this will play out:

Morrigan is a shapeshifter. She interacts with Patrick as different characters but he does not realize the person he interacts with is not innocent, but the evil Morrigan with an agenda. We are in a superior position as we realize/suspect it is Morrigan, even if Patrick does not.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Transformational Journey

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: This process helps set the course of the movie. I know my beginning and ending and the character transformation that needs to occur.

CONCEPT: A slave becomes a priest and fights druids and creatures from Ireland’s otherworld to save the king and change the culture of a nation.

TITLE: Rock of Cashel

Protagonist: Patrick, a boy running away from his father forcing him into the church, battles the Queen of the Otherworld to turn the hearts of the Irish to Christ.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Arc beginning: Rebellious teen who hates the church

Arc ending: Catholic priest with established followers in Ireland

Internal Journey: Patrick goes from rebelling against the church to sacrificing his life to establish a church in Ireland.

External Journey: Patrick goes from trying to escape Ireland and return to England to building a church and defying the Catholic church’s mandate to leave Ireland.

Old Ways:

· Runs away from his father who is forcing him to have a career in the church

· Looks for ways to escape Ireland where he is being held captive

New Ways:

· Trusts God to take care of him

· Knows he is called to bring the Irish to God

· Stands up against the Queen of the Otherworld to fulfill his calling from God

· Establishes a church in Ireland

· Defies the Catholic church’s mandate to leave his ministry in Ireland

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Intentional Lead Characters

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: Hard to put my logline for my main character into a single sentence – the exercise helped me focus.

CONCEPT: A slave becomes a priest and fights druids and creatures from Ireland’s otherworld to save the king and change the culture of a nation.

TITLE: Rock of Cashel

Antagonist: Patrick, a boy running away from his father forcing him into the church, battles the Queen of the Otherworld to turn the hearts of the Irish to Christ.

Protagonist: Morrigan, the Queen of the Otherworld, battles Patrick for the allegiance of the Irish.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

Margaret’s Vision: To be the best screenwriter for faith-based movies

What I learned: To select a character structure before outlining

CONCEPT: A slave becomes a priest and fights druids and creatures from Ireland’s otherworld to save the king and change the culture of a nation.

Title: Rock of Cashel

Character Structure: Protagonist vs Antagonist

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Chronological edit.

What I learned: Still missing some description that would improve clarity.

I read the script backwards, realized that what I took for grant wasn’t always clear. Able to improve the clarity of the script.

[Margaret]

Margaret Solved Scene Problems

What I learned: Concentrating on one item at a time (looking for weak scenes) was easier than looking for 4 things in each scene, but it took me longer.

I realized my world wasn’t different enough, which may confuse the reader. I also realized that some emotions were lacking. Characters did not react as strongly as they would in real life.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Draft Two

What I learned: Lots of talking heads/eating scenes.

I concentrated on putting unique action into several talking head scenes to give the scene significance. I also softened by antagonist’s character by giving him some likeable moments.

[Margaret]

Margaret solves structural problems

What I learned: Following an outline helps keep your intended structure.

My assignment: I found I had followed the structure exactly as I planned. The outline contained the needed elements. When I first started to write, I put the outline into my final draft. I checked each part as I wrote, making sure I was keeping true to the intended goal. As a result, I didn’t find any structural problems. I did see areas that needed to be expanded, so I fixed those as I went.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Filled in Missing Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment: I rushed the scenes in some cases, so the next scene came up too fast.

I added two beginning scenes, realized I had not shown enough of the protagonist’s old life.

I added two scenes before his major change at midpoint, the change came too quickly, we needed to see the reason he adopted the change.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s ACT 4 Final Scenes

What I learned: Finishing up last scenes I find I am short. Only 72 pages. I’ll need to add scenes somewhere…

EXT. EBBA FORTRESS – MEETING PLACE – EVENING – SAME

Jabe stands at the entrance of the Meeting Place. He is too late. Dead bodies are everywhere.

He turns a stern face away, heads back to the ramp.

EXT. RAMP – EVENING – SAME

Jabe jumps over the fortress wall, onto the ramp just as a livid Armann approaches with the Hedeon Crowd.

ARMANN

You! You!

Jabe shrugs. Smiles.

JABE

Couldn’t make this easy for you.

Jabe pulls his gun, slams a fist down on it. It doesn’t fire.

Armann smirks. Takes out his own gun, hands it to a Hedeon Man.

ARMANN

Your size is impressive, but you are not a fighter. Your muscles are flabby, weak.

Jabe poises to fight.

JABE

Yeah, well I can take you!

ARMANN

And then what? The whole Hedeon army?

JABE

If I have to.

Armann laughs.

ARMANN

See, you are like me! I will never give up, Jabe. Never. I WILL kill all the Donek, never allow them to live in peace with the Donek.

JABE

Well, then, it’s just you I have to kill to win, then.

Armann is shorter, but muscular. He motions Jabe forward.

ARMANN

You will see why they follow me. I can overpower any man.

Jabe signals for Armann to come forward, then does the unexpected.

Jabe runs towards Armann, dives to catch both his legs, catapulting both of them over the side of the ramp, into the air, to the long drop which will mean both their deaths.

EXT. WHITTIER – STREET – SAME

The cloudy sky is familiar. The same dark black cloud is positioned above the city. It quickly moves off scene.

The street is full of dirt and rubble. A long crevasse ends right before the destroyed Pet Store.

A hand reaches up from the crevasse, another hands grabs it.

A familiar voice speaks.

IMARA (O.S.)

Come on, pull yourself up. I’ll help you.

Jabe emerges from the dirt and rubble.

He rubs his eyes, sees Imara, her aura shining white against the darkness of the scene.

He looks around. The quake has destroyed the city. People are everywhere, their auras visible.

A man with a red aura beats his fist against a wall.

A GANG with green auras loots the open stores.

Several FAMILIES are gathered together, crying, yellow auras.

Many purple wander the street, without aim.

Jabe wipes his face, rubs his eyes. The auras are gone.

All he sees now is his community. A community needing him.

JABE

(to Imara)

Come on. Let’s help them.

FADE OUT.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Act 4 Climax

What I learned: I had no idea how I was going to finish this when I started writing. Feels good to have the first version down.

EXT. EBBA – TOP OF SNAKE PATH – NIGHT

Jabe and the Donek Guard speak to one another at the top of the Snake Path.

JABE

Be with your family this last night. I’ll watch here.

Grateful, the Donek Guard nods, hurries away.

Jabe signals for Imara. She emerges from her hiding place.

JABE

You ready?

Imara nods, Jabe leads her down the Snake Path.

EXT. EBBA – SNAKE PATH – EVENING

The sunset is beautiful, but Jabe and Imara don’t notice. They pick their way down the Snake Path.

When they reach the bottom, to their surprise, there are no Guards in sight. Jabe hugs Imara.

JABE

Follow the wall, look for any weak spots. If you don’t find any, use this to break through.

Jabe hands Imara a large knife. She takes it with trembling hands.

JABE

Or to protect yourself. Goodbye, sis. May Taaba protect you.

IMARA

Thank you, Jabe. The wisdom of Taaba be with you.

Jabe nods, waves her off.

EXT. EBBA FORTRESS – SAME

Jabe reaches the top of the Snake Path, makes his way to where the ramp intersects with the Ebba Fortress.

The siege tower is almost in place.

Jabe climbs over the wall, runs towards the tower.

EXT. EBBA – RAMP – SAME

Not expecting a confrontation, the tractor driver pulling the siege tower does not notice Jabe until he is at his side.

The driver stops the tractor.

SWOOSH!

Jabe pulls his gun, kills the Hedeon driver.

SHOUTS

The Hedeon realize the tractor has stopped, A HEDEON COMMANDER shouts at the driver from behind the tower.

HEDEON COMMANDER

Continue moving it! It is not close enough yet!

Silence.

The Commander and two other HEDEON FIGHTERS emerge from behind the tower only to see Jabe poised to fight, gun raised.

HEDEON COMMANDER

One man against an army? Surely you know that is futile. Even with your size you will not overcome us.

JABE

I may not stop them all, but I will stop you.

HEDEON COMMANDER

I applaud your bravery, but you are wrong.

The Hedeon Commander gives a signal. From the top of the siege tower a large net falls, capturing Jabe.

Jabe struggles in the net, shoots his gun but it has no effect on the net.

The Hedeon Commander turns to his men.

HEDEON COMMANDER

Let Armann know.

The Hedeon Fighters leave, run down the ramp.

Jabe stops struggling, pushes his gun out through the holes in the net, drops it.

JABE

O.K. You win. Get me out of this thing. I surrender.

The Hedeon Commander scoffs.

HEDEON COMMANDER

So easy you give up? You know Armann will order your death, after he learns of the Donek’s plans, that is.

JABE

Sure. Just make it quick and I’ll be your singing bird.

The Hedeon Commander laughs.

HEDEON COMMANDER

A true Donek! Love and peace and stupidity!

The Hedeon Commander pulls a knife. Slowly bends over to Jabe, positions it in front of his face.

Jabe does not flinch.

JABE

Do it already.

With a quick slice, the Hedeon Commander rips the net. Jabe frees himself, and before the Commander has time to react, grabs his gun, kills the Commander.

Jabe knows his time is short. He gets onto the tractor, starts it and purposefully points it to go over the side of the ramp, the siege tower following behind.

Jabe jumps off the tractor just as it goes over the ramp, runs back up to the Ebba Fortress.

EXT. EBBA FORTRESS – MEETING PLACE – EVENING – SAME

Jabe stands at the entrance of the Meeting Place. He is too late. Dead bodies are everywhere.

He turns a stern face away, heads back to the ramp.

EXT. RAMP – EVENING – SAME

Jabe jumps over the fortress wall, onto the ramp just as a livid Armann approaches with the Hedeon Crowd.

ARMANN

You! You!

Jabe shrugs. Smiles.

JABE

Couldn’t make this easy for you.

Jabe pulls his gun, slams a fist down on it. It doesn’t fire.

Armann smirks. Takes out his own gun, hands it to a Hedeon Man.

ARMANN

Your size is impressive, but you are not a fighter. Your muscles are flabby, weak.

Jabe poises to fight.

JABE

Yeah, well I can take you!

ARMANN

And then what? The whole Hedeon army?

JABE

If I have to.

Armann laughs.

ARMANN

See, you are like me! I will never give up, Jabe. Never. I will kill all the Donek, never allow them to live in peace with the Donek.

JABE

Well, then, it’s just you I have to kill to win, then.

Armann is shorter, but muscular. He motions Jabe forward.

ARMANN

You will see why they follow me. I can overpower any man.

Jabe signals for Armann to come forward, then does the unexpected.

Jabe runs towards Armann, dives to catch both his legs, catapulting both of them over the side of the ramp, into the air, to the long drop which will mean both their deaths.

EXT. WHITTIER – STREET – SAME

The cloudy sky is familiar. The same dark black cloud is positioned above the city. It quickly moves off scene.

The street is full of dirt and rubble. A long crevasse ends right before the destroyed Pet Store.

A hand reaches up from the crevasse, another hands grabs it.

A familiar voice speaks.

IMARA (O.S.)

Come on, pull yourself up. I’ll help you.

Jabe emerges from the dirt and rubble.

He rubs his eyes, sees Imara, her aura shining white against the darkness of the scene.

He looks around. The quake has destroyed the city. People are everywhere, their auras visible.

A man with a red aura beats his fist against a wall.

A GANG with green auras loots the open stores.

Several FAMILIES are gathered together, crying, yellow auras.

Many purple wander the street, without aim.

Jabe wipes his face, rubs his eyes. The auras are gone.

All he sees now is his community. A community needing him.

JABE

(to Imara)

Come on. Let’s help them.

[Margaret]

Margaret’S COMPLETED ACT 3

What I learned: May still need a few more scenes for Act 3…

EXT. EBBA FOOTHILL – DAY

The Hedeon work together to construct a wall around Ebba. The wall is almost completed. Behind the wall is a large Hedeon tent Camp. Alo assures them Taaba is with them, they are protected.

Beginning: The Hedeon build a wall

Middle: Imara and Jabe discuss the meaning of the wall

End: Alo assures the Donek that Taaba is with them

EXT. EBBA FOOTHILL – DAY

The Hedeon work together to construct a wall around Ebba. The wall is a simple wooden frame, 6 feet tall; a plywood front backed by 2×4 framing and support.

Armann strolls along the wall, inspecting, accompanied by his Guards. The wall is almost completed.

Behind the wall is a large Hedeon tent Camp.

Armann address the Hedon WORKERS at the wall.

ARMANN

I want this finished today! The birds are in their nest, and not one of them must be allowed to fly away! We will crush them and their young, put an end to the Donek!

The Workers cheer his words.

EXT. EBBA FORTRESS – DAY

A wall surrounds the mountain top fortress, lined by Donek. On the Donek side, the Donek stand next to it on a raised platform, watching the movements of the Hedeon. Jabe, Imara, and Alo are among the watchers.

JABE

Their wall is almost done.

IMARA

But why a wall? Their camp is on the other side. Do they think we will seige them?

JABE

Nah. They want to keep us here. All of us.

Alo smiles.

ALO

Their work is in vain! We have no intention of leaving. We have everything we need, including the peace of Taaba.

The Watchers at the wall nod, smile at this proclamation.

Imara is not so sure.

IMARA

But, what if it doesn’t rain? What if we run out of seed for the fields?

JABE

Don’t borrow trouble. Today is today. As long they stay on their side of the fence, all is good!

Alo pats Jabe on the back.

ALO

Ah, my young son, there is more to life than waiting for things to happen or not happen.

JABE

Like no decision is a decision? What are supposed to be doing then?

IMARA

What can we do? We have put ourselves in a position, like a prison. What could can we do if we cannot even speak to the Hedeon, tell them of the Orb?

Alo signals for the Donek Watchers to circle around him.

ALO

Come, come, circle around.

The Donek leave the wall, form a semi-circle around Alo, Jabe and Imara.

ALO

Taaba has brought us to this place. We enjoy our freedom and safety but we must not rest.

The Patient Donek responds.

PATIENT DONEK

We have begun to work the fields. They will be ready soon for the rain.

ALO

We have another task. You see the sea of purple below? They do not know Taaba or his ways.

Jabe shrugs.

JABE

They made their choice. Live and let live. They don’t bother us, we don’t bother them.

ALO

No, we must pray that Taaba continues to have mercy on them, send them the Orb. Pray that we may once again live in peace with the Hedeon. Pray that Taaba’s protection will be with us here on Ebba.

IMARA

Yes! Alo is right. There are those among the Hedeon that need to know the truth. My own son, Grigo! I will pray you, Alo.

Imara kneels, followed by Alo. The rest of the Donek go to their knees.

Jabe is one of the last, but he also goes to his knees and joins the murmuring prayers of the Donek.

EXT. FOOTHILLS EBBA – Night

The Hedeon attempt to enter Ebba by the snake path but the few Donek hold them at bay.

Beginning: Jabe is at the top of the snake path, volunteers to stand guard

Middle: The Hedeon confront Jabe

End: Jabe realizes he has just killed Hedeon

Jabe approaches the DONEK GUARD at the entrance to the Snake Path that leads down the mountain.

JABE

Heh, there!

The Donek Guard, surprised by Jabe, draws his gun.

JABE

Whoa, there! Friendly here!

Jabe lifts both his hands as the sheepish Donek Guard puts his gun down.

JABE

Heard you been standing guard here every night.

DONEK GUARD

I won’t let the Hedeon through. Not here.

JABE

Well, since I haven’t had a turn and I’m having trouble sleeping, maybe I could relieve you tonight?

The Donek Guard brightens.

DONEK GUARD

Really? You’d do that?

JABE

Sure, just hand over your gun.

The Donek Guard rushes to give Jabe his gun. He calls back to Jabe.

DONEK GUARD

Thanks! Thanks again!

Jabe waves him on then peeks down the Snake Path.

Wait. Did he see something?

Jabe moves a few feet down the path, squints at the path.

A small movement far down on the path.

Jabe lifts his gun.

JABE

Heh! Heh! I see you! Don’t think about it!

He concentrates on the path, still not sure there is someone there.

Jabe takes a few steps back, sighs with relief.

BUMP. BUMP. BUMP.

Did something dislodge a rock? An animal?

Jabe stiffens. Looks again.

A faint purple aura moves up the path.

JABE

Hedeon! I see you! It would really be a mistake to try to come up here. Really, a BIG mistake.

The purple auras turn yellow but continue up the path. Jabe calls out.

JABE

O.K. Not going to tell you again. You keep coming up here and it is not going to end well for you!

Jabe steps behind a wall next to the path for protection, but has his gun resting on the wall, trained on the path.

The yellow becomes clearer. A HEDEON TRIO with the HEDEON LEADER emerge, slowly walk up the path. They are in range of Jabe’s gun.

JABE

Stop! Stop right there! Don’t even think about lifting your guns or I’ll shoot! Got you in my sights!

The Hedeon Trio stop. The HEDEON LEADER responds.

HEDEON LEADER

You might as well give up. If you do, we won’t kill you. You can’t stop us. Not sure why you are even trying.

JABE

Sorry. Don’t believe you, and even if I did, I would still try to stop you. So just go on. Go on back and let’s pretend this isn’t happening.

HEDEON LEADER

But it is happening. We are going to take you out and then take out everyone up there.

Jabe tightens the grip on his gun, poises his hand over it to trigger the spray.

JABE

Don’t do it. Last warning.

The Hedeon Leader and Trio take two steps forward.

The Hedeon Leader moves his gun up.

SWOOSH

The Hedeon Leader falls down, dead.

The Trio stop, stunned, their yellow aura intensifies.

The Trio reach for their guns.

SWOOSH, SWOOSH, SWOOSH!

The Trio drop, their aura gone.

Jabe peers at the Hedeon and then down the Snake Path. He sees no more movement.

Jabe sags into wall, tears streaming.

EXT. HEDEON CAMP – Armann’s Tent – DAY

Armann tells the Hedeon they must build a ramp and take the fortress. “We can ignore the threat and see our children fall to their deceit or we can fight and kill the insidious cancer that eats at our society, and captures the minds of our own.”

Beginning: Arkuji tells Armann the news of the men not returning

Middle: Arkuji realizes Armann’s ruthlessness

End: Armann decides to build a ramp

EXT. HEDEON CAMP – ARMANN’S TENT – DAY

The tent flap flies open, Akuji arrives unannounced, interrupting Armann’s meal.

ARMANN

I don’t remember an invitation given.

ARKUJI

I bring news.

ARMANN

News you risk your life over?

At this, Arkuji’s aura yellows. He ignores the question.

ARKUJI

The men you sent. They haven’t returned.

Armann smiles, plays with the food on his plate.

ARMANN

You thought they would return? Wasn’t their instructions to give a signal when they had taken out the guards?

ARKUJI

We received no signal. And they haven’t returned.

ARMANN

I ask again. Why would you think they would return?

Arkuji knows Armann playing with him, but the question confuses him.

ARKUJI

Well, if they couldn’t subdue the guards, or if there were too many of them…

ARMANN

In that case, if you had gone with them, would you return?

The light dawns, Arkuji attempts to back peddle.

ARKUJI

No, not I, sir. I mean, I would have succeeded.

ARMANN

And if you were unable to succeed, would you return?

Arkuji swallows against the lump in his throat.

ARKUJI

You would have ordered my death. So, so, I would have died fighting there, on Ebba.

Armann takes a bite of food, chews it slowly, scrutinizes Arkuji. Arkuji doesn’t meet his eyes.

ARMANN

So what is the news you have for me, then?

ARKUJI

The men you sent are dead, sir.

Armann takes another bite of food. Speaks with full mouth.

ARMANN

Next time I will send you then.

Arkuji’s aura reddens, but his answer is controlled.

ARKUJI

At your pleasure, sir.

Armann doesn’t speak, takes his time to enjoy Arkuji’s discomfort.

ARMANN

Do you understand why I won’t let the Donek enjoy their peace?

ARKUJI

They haven’t demonstrated their loyalty, sir.

Armann shakes his head.

ARMANN

Their loyalty is not what I want. They are a threat to the Hedeon.

We can ignore the threat and see our children fall to their deceit or we can fight and kill the insidious cancer that eats at our society, and captures the minds of our own.

Arkuji nods his understanding.

ARMANN

A fight worth giving your life for, yes?

Arkuji fears his words will trap him.

ARMANN

We will build a ramp. An immense ramp that will reach the top of the mountain. Then we will breach their walls and kill them all.

Arkuji nods enthusiastically, his answer filled with relief that the plan doesn’t involve personal sacrifice.

ARKUJI

An excellent plan! Excellent!!

ARMANN

Call the men together. I will meet with them tomorrow, 8 o’clock.

EXT. EBBA FOOTHILLS – DAY

Armann moves among the Hedeon, inspecting their work as they use tractors to move dirt to build an immense ramp leading up the mountain.

Hedeon men also work on an immense wooden structure, a siege tower, place wheels on it.

Beginning: The Hedeon work on the ramp and the siege tower

Middle: The siege tower is finished, stood up for the Hedeon to celebrate

End: The ramp is almost finished, darkness falls

EXT. EBBA FOOTHILLS – DAY

Armann moves among the Hedeon, watches as tractors remove dirt from around the Hedeon encampment and dump it to form a ramp, leading up the mountain. The ramp is almost completed.

Armann moves over to the construction site of siege tower. Hedeon have finished placing the wheels.

Armann signals for the men to stand the siege tower up. The Hedeon attach ropes, then pull the siege tower upright using the power of a tractor pulling the ropes.

The massive tower looms over the Hedeon encampment. Word moves quickly, Hedeon come out of their tents to view the tower.

The murmuring of the Hedeon swells into cheers as they see the finished tower.

Armann laughs, gloating over this small victory.

The sun sets as the Hedeon dump a large load of dirt to build up the ramp. The Hedeon leave the tractor in place, jump off, run back along the ramp, leaping and shouting as they see the siege tower standing.

Armann claps his hands together.

ARMANN

Soon. Soon.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s turning point 3

What I learned: I have to show Jabe’s failure, even though he is the hero of the story.

Turning pt/huge failure:

1. EXT. EBBA FOOTHILLS – DAY

The Hedeon build the ramp as the Donek watch from the walls.

2. EXT. EBBA FORTRESS – DAY

Alo assures them Taaba is with them, they are protected while Jabe realizes he cannot help them.

Beginning: Armann and the Hedeon build a ramp and siege tower

Middle: The Donek confront Jabe and Alo, fearing for their lives.

End: Jabe admits he is useless

EXT. EBBA FOOTHILLS – DAY

Armann moves among the Hedeon, inspecting their work as they use tractors to move dirt to build an immense ramp leading up the mountain.

Hedeon men also work on an immense wooden structure, a siege tower, place wheels on it.

EXT. EBBA FORTRESS – DAY

The Donek Crowd watch from their walls, see that the ramp is halfway done. The Angry Donek Woman cries out.

ANGRY DONEK WOMAN

They are building a ramp! Nothing can stop them from reaching us! Armann will have them kill us all.

Alo attempts to calm the woman.

ALO

We came at the will of Alo. He will protect us.

Jabe looks out over the wall, notes the Hedeon’s progress. He does not say anything.

PATIENT DONEK

Woman! Listen to Alo, listen to the speaking of the Orb to your soul. Trust in Taaba.

The Angry Donek Woman moves to Jabe.

ANGRY DONEK WOMAN

What do you say? Weren’t you going to protect us? See for yourself, they will reach us soon. What plan do you have now?

Jabe looks out over the crowd. They wait expectantly for him to speak. He catches Alo’s eyes.

ALO

(to Jabe)

You must lead us.

A distressed Jabe has no answer for the woman, no plan.

His silence speaks volumes.

SMACK!

The Angry Woman moves to Jabe, hits him across the face.

ANGRY DONEK WOMAN

You brought us here to die!

Her action, and Jabe’s non-response anger the Donek Crowd. They erupt together with vicious verbal attacks.

DONEK CROWD

Meddler! Hedeon Spy! Evil man! Why did we listen to you, you know nothing! Spineless wimp! Leave and join the Hedeon!

Jabe steps back behind Alo, who holds his hands up to silence the crowd.

ALO

Are we not Donek? Why do we act as Hedeon? This man is not our saviour! We must trust in Taaba.

Alo turns to Jabe.

ALO

Speak to them, son.

Jabe clears his throat, looks at the expectant crowd, anger etched on their faces.

JABE

I don’t know what to say. I thought it was the will of Taaba to bring you here.

ANGRY DONEK WOMAN

You thought? You thought??

JABE

Listen, if I knew what to do I would do it. Just tell me what to do.

ALO

(to Jabe)

A leader does not ask his followers to lead. You have failed the work Taaba has given you.

Jabe turns, walks away from the crowd, mumbling to himself.

JABE

Yeah. That’s me. One big failure. Rub it in. As if I didn’t already know.

Alo watches Jabe walk away, turns back to the crowd.

ALO

We must pray to Taaba.

Alo falls to his knees, and the crowd follows suit. All but Imara, who rushes up to Jabe as he makes his way across the courtyard.

IMARA

Jabe, wait!

Jabe turns to see Imara, sees the Donek Crowd praying with Alo on their knees.

JABE

You think I should pray, too?

IMARA

I think you should figure this out! We have to survive, Jabe. If the Orb directed you to bring us here, he will give you the answer.

JABE

I got no answers. Don’t put your hopes on me, Imara.

Imara clutches Jabe’s arms.

IMARA

I left my son in the hands of Armann. He only knows the way of the Hedeon. I have to, I MUST get back to him, tell him of the Orb. I have to survive, not for me, but for him. Please, Jabe.

JABE

I’m real sorry about Grigo. He’s a nice kid, and if there is anything I could do, I would do it. But don’t you see? What can I do against a Hedeon army? I’m only one man? You all expect too much of me!

IMARA

Please, Jabe, please.

Jabe extracts himself from Imara’s grasp.

JABE

Begging won’t help. I’m useless here. Don’t look for help from me.

Imara watches as Jabe leaves, tears stain her face.

[Margaret]

I, Margaret Silebi, agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Margaret]

Hi! I’m Margaret Silebi

2. How many scripts you’ve written? 6

3. What you hope to get out of the class? An incredible script!

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I’m a Director of Nursing

[Margaret]

I agree to the terms of this release form – Margaret Silebi

[Margaret]

Margaret’S ACT 3 middle scenes

What I learned: I wasn’t ready to write these scenes this morning. I froze, thinking I should wait until I had some concrete lines to write. I decided to go ahead, write anyway. Forced creativity. It worked! Thoughts started flowing…

EXT. DONEK SECTOR – DAY

Alo announces the decision to move to Ebba

Beginning: Alo has the men gathered, they confront Alo with his inability to come up with a plan.

Middle: Alo shares the plan which is rejected.

End: Jabe steps up, tells them to get ready to go.

EXT. DONEK PLAZA – DAY

DONEK CROWD, including women and children, stand before Alo in the small plaza. Alo silences their murmurs with his hand.

ALO

We have been oppressed by the Donek, many of you have lost loved ones in these last days.

An ANGRY DONEK WOMAN calls out from the crowd.

ANGRY DONEK WOMAN

And where is the care of Taaba? Why does he allow this?

ALO

It is true that Taaba tests us, but our faith in Taaba must prevail.

ANGRY DONEK WOMAN

Faith is one thing. Watching our loved ones die one by one is another!

The crowd’s murmurs increase in volume, clearly upset.

ALO

I have sought the will of Taaba. Now please, listen to what I have to tell you.

A PATIENT DONEK man calls out to the crowd.

PATIENT DONEK

Listen to him, then! Let’s hear what he has to say.

The crowd quiets, listens.

ALO

Thank you, my friends. It is time that we leave the Donek sector, move to a place of safety.

The crowd gasps with this unexpected pronouncement. Alo waits for them to quiet before continuing.

ALO

Many of you have heard of Ebba. Both the Hedeon and the Donek keep stores of food, water, trade goods there. There is sufficient housing and land for crops. It is easily guarded and will give us the protection we need.

The Angry Donek Woman replies.

ANGRY DONEK WOMAN

You would have us leave our homes of generations past? And take over Hedeon property? Why not poke the bee’s nest? And who will fight the guards at the entrance?

The murmurs restart as the crowd discusses the pros and cons of this plan. Alo tries unsuccessful to quiet them.

ALO

Please, please listen. This is the will of Taaba.

No one pays attention.

A loud voice calls out, shocking the crowd into silence.

JABE

Heh! Heh!

Jabe moves up to Alo. His size commands attention.

JABE

I will take you. I will fight for you. As Alo said, this is the will of Taaba.

The crowd looks at one another, intimidated into acquiesence.

JABE

Pack what you can carry up the mountain. We leave as soon as it turns dark. Now, I need volunteers. Strong, brave men, who will follow me up the Snake Path first. We will take out the guards first and the rest of you will settle in before the Hedeon know what happened. Who is with me.

The men in the crowd look at one another, slowly, one by one, ten men step forward.

EXT. FOOTHILLS – EBBA – NIGHT

A few Hedeon guard Ebba. The Donek wait until dark and a few brave men sneak up the snake path to overcome the Hedeon. Jabe is unable to kill, leaves the killing to the brave ten.

Beginning: Jabe and the Brave Ten go up the snake path to Ebba

Middle: Jabe confronts the guards

End: The brave kill the guards while Jabe watches.

EXT. EBBA – SNAKE PATH – NIGHT

Ebba resembles the Jewish Masada: a mountain with a flat top, with a small winding path leading to the top, the Snake Path.

EBBA GUARDS stand at watch at the top of the Snake Path.

Jabe leads the TEN BRAVE DONEK up the path, each carrying guns.

At the top of the path, Jabe steps up to the Hedeon Ebba Guards, startling them with his size.

JABE

Heh there.

The Ebba guards don’t reply, just stare at the Donek giant.

JABE

We can do this peacefully. Or not.

The CHARGE EBBA GUARD notes Jabe’s gun.

CHARGE EBBA GUARD

What do you want?

JABE

We are taking over Ebba. So you can take the path down the mountain or die here.

The Ebba Guards start to lift their weapons, but the TEN BRAVE DONEK step up behind Jabe, weapons already drawn.

CHARGE EBBA GUARD

You’ll have to kill us, then, for if we leave this post, Armann will.

Jabe puts his hand on top of his gun, but can’t bring himself to press down. He takes a step back.

The Charge Ebba Guard catches on to Jabe’s unwillingness to kill. He catches the eyes of the rest of his Ebba Guards, nods.

The Ebba Guards slowly lift their guns.

SWOOSH! SWOOSH! SWOOSH!

Spray from the guns of the Brave Men with Jabe cover the aura of the Ebba Guards. They fall to the ground, dead.

Jabe watches, his hand still hovering above his unfired gun.

EXT. FOOTHILLS – EBBA – NIGHT – SAME

The Donek men are successful and give the signal for the rest to come up the mountain.

Beginning: The Brave Men glow with their victory

Middle: The Donek give a victory cry

End: The Donek Crowd moves up the Snake Path

EXT. EBBA – DAWN

The Donek settle into Ebba, celebrate their escape. A few purple among them accept the Orb in the excitement of the moment.

Beginning: The Donek celebrate

Middle: The Orb appears, the purple accept it

End: All on Ebba are now Donek

EXT. EBBA – DAWN

The morning light reflect off the glowing Donek Crowd, as the last of them reach the top of Ebba.

Musicians, with guitars and flutes, play a lively tune as the Donek crowd dances.

The Donek’s purple children and a few adult purple celebrate with them.

Suddenly, the Orb appears, floats near a purple man. In the joy of the moment, he grabs the Orb, moves it to his chest, his aura changes to match that of the Donek.

The Orb reappears to each purple in turn, and all accept it, shouting with joy.

The Orb appears to children as well, and they follow the example of their elders.

The celebration grows in intensity and the mountain top glows with the pearly iridescence of the Donek. No purple among them.

EXT. HEDEON SECTOR – PLAZ – DAY

Armann stirs up his tribe, they plan the attack on Ebba.

Beginning: Armann addresses the Hedeon in the plaza, tells them of the Donek’s move to Ebba

Middle: Armann proposes they kill them all

End: The Hedeon celebrate the plan

EXT. HEDEON SECTOR – PLAZA – DAY

The Hedeon stand before Armann in the plaza. A sea of red.

ARMANN

They have gone to far! Killed our guards, taken over our property, the supplies we need to live. They must be killed! Killed!

The Hedeon chant back to Armann.

HEDEON CROWD

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Armann lets them rant for a long beat then silences them.

ARMANN

Every Hedeon will join me. We WILL take back Ebba! We WILL fight! We WILL win and not rest until EVERY Donek is dead!

The crowd cheers.

[Margaret]

Margaret’S ACT 3 Begins

What I learned: Found I needed more scenes!

Jabe comes up with an idea and influences Alo to leave the city and take the Donek to Ebba.

Beginning: Jabe encourages Alo to move to Ebba

Middle: Jabe gives up former life to go to Ebba

Alo: Alo agrees to lead the Donek to Ebba

INT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

An animated Jabe eats with Alo and Imara.

JABE

I tell you, it sounds perfect!

ALO

But is it the will of Taaba?

Jabe hits his chest.

JABE

I feel it! I know it! I will help you, but we should do this now, before the Donek grow weaker.

IMARA

Jabe is right, Alo. I know Armann. Once he makes a move to destroy something or someone, he doesn’t stop.

Alo sighs, puts his head in his hands.

ALO

It has come to this, then.

JABE

We can do this, Alo. If this Ebba place is self-sustaining, we can just live there in peace, away from the murdering Hedeon.

Alo bows his head, meditates for a beat, then lifts sad eyes to Jabe and Imara.

ALO

You want to find your home. If you move with us to Ebba, you may never be able to leave.

Jabe considers this for a beat.

JABE

My life here feels like, well, like it has meaning, purpose, or something like I didn’t feel before. Sure, I’d miss my parents but, but, well, I don’t want to give up what I have now. I will go with you to Ebba. Besides, even if the Donek go to Ebba and I don’t, Armann will have me killed before I even make it home.

Jabe smiles, pats his chest.

JABE

The will of Taaba.

ALO

The will of Taaba. You will lead us then?

JABE

Lead? I’m more of a go-along guy.

ALO

You will need to lead. Your size will give the Donek the courage they need.

JABE

I’m not much of fighter.

ALO

You have the strength of the Orb.

JABE

Well, gotta do what I gotta do, then.

ALO

Then we will go. I will speak to the Donek.

[Margaret]

EXT. HEDEON TEMPLE – DAY

Jabe and Imara stand in front of the smoldering temple. Completely burned to the ground, wisps of smoke play with their shimmering aura.

IMARA

He won’t stop.

JABE

Who?

IMARA

Armann. He won’t stop.

Jabe tries to comfort the distraught woman.

JABE

Nah. He is just showing off his strength. He won’t go after the Donek sector.

IMARA

This IS the Donek sector! I know him, he won’t stop!

Imara’s tears start as she studies the temple ground. Jabe is

JABE

Heh, heh now. Don’t be crying or anything. You’ll be O.K. Didn’t I say I was your brother? I got you!

IMARA

You can’t do anything. You don’t understand how powerful he is. I thought that by escaping here he couldn’t touch me, but…

JABE

He hurt you?

Imara studies Jabe, unsure how much to tell him.

IMARA

Let’s just say I thought only of myself, then. I didn’t care about the Donek or the Hedeon. I just wanted to be safe. I should have…

Jabe encourages her to continue.

JABE

…shoulda what?

Jabe backs up, hands in the air.

JABE

I mean, tell me only if you want to. I was just curious, I mean, if you don’t want me to ask, I won’t. I know sometimes I say too much, but, I don’t know. O.K. So nevermind then, forget I asked.

Imara smirks at his clumsy attempt to apologize for prying.

IMARA

Grigo is my son, Jabe.

JABE

Yeah, I kinda of figured when he started yelling.

Imara grabs Jabe’s arms.

IMARA

He was anxious? He was yelling? Did Armann hurt him?

Jabe backs up.

JABE

No! Nothing like that. Grigo just wanted to see you is all. He asked Armann to let you see him.

Imara turns her back on Jabe.

IMARA

I should have taken him with me. I should have.

JABE

Heh, we all do things we wish we could forget. He doesn’t hold it against you. First thing he asked when he met me was if I know you.

Imara turns back to Jabe.

IMARA

First thing?

JABE

Yeah, first thing.

Imara sighs, turns back to view the temple.

IMARA

We have to figure out a way to stop him. He has Hedeon finding excuses to kill Donek every day.

JABE

Why don’t the Donek move away?

Imara shakes her head.

IMARA

Never has been a need until now. The Hedeon and Donek have lived peacefully for generations. The Donek were even in control over the Hedeon at one point.

JABE

Aren’t there other cities, other than this one? Other countries?

IMARA

We are isolated on all sides by ocean, it would be difficult to leave.

JABE

An island? This is an island? Any airports?

IMARA

What is that?

JABE

(surprised)

I can’t believe this! O.K., besides the town and the sectors where people live, what else is there here?

IMARA

Ebba.

JABE

Taaba lives there?

Imara laughs.

IMARA

Where did you grow up? In a cave somewhere?

JABE

You have caves here?

IMARA

Some on Ebba.

JABE

So what is this Ebba? Could we go there?

ALO’S HOME – DAY

An animated Jabe eats with Alo and Imara.

JABE

I tell you, it sounds perfect!

ALO

But is it the will of Taaba?

Jabe hits his chest.

JABE

I feel it! Just like you said I would! I will help you, but we should do this now, before the Donek grow weaker.

IMARA

Jabe is right, Alo. I know Armann. Once he makes a move to destroy something or someone, he doesn’t stop.

Alo sighs, puts his head in his hands.

ALO

It has come to this, then.

JABE

We can do this, Alo. If this Ebba place is self-sustaining, we can just live there in peace, away from the murdering Hedeon.

Alo bows his head, meditates for a beat, then lifts sad eyes to Jabe and Imara.

ALO

The will of Taaba. I will speak to the Donek then.

[Margaret]

Margaret has completed Act 2

What I learned: Writing fast allows your mind to free up, new scenes come to mind as I am not set on a structure (outline).

Beginning: Jabe sees a Bullied Donek

Middle: Jabe confronts Akuji

End: Jabe realizes he has changed

EXT. TOWN – DAY

A smiling Jabe wanders the street, window shopping. He stops cold when he sees Akuji, red aura, has backed a BULLIED DONEK against a wall.

BULLIED DONEK

I’m not troubling you, leave me be!

AKUJI

Your existence troubles me!

Jabe mutters to himself.

JABE

Second thought, don’t bring it on.

Jabe comes up behind Akuji just in time to catch Akuji’s arm from delivering a blow to the Bullied Donek.

Akuji jerks his arm away from Jabe, notices his aura.

AKUJI

You! You! Imbecile! You have no idea what you have don.! I will inform Armann and he will order your death! Run. Go on, run away!

Jabe’s aura brightens. He smiles.

JABE

I don’t think so.

Jabe sets himself to fight Akuji.

Akuji’s anger keeps him from leaving.

SMACK!

Akuji throws a punch that lands on Jabe’s open palm. Jabe closes his large hand around Akuji’s small one, pushes back.

THUD!

The Bullied Donek moves out of the way as Akuji’s body hits the wall.

Akuji slides down the wall as Jabe moves over, puts his arm around the Bullied Donek.

JABE

(to Akuji)

Want you to understand this. This man is my friend. All of the Donek are my friends and I will not let you harm them. Understand?

Akuji doesn’t meet Jabe’s eyes. He scrambles to his feet.

AKUJI

We’ll see what Armann has to say about that!

Akuji takes off running, in the direction of the Donek sector.

Jabe watches him go, then touches his own aura.

JABE

Who am I and what happened to the Jabe I know?

Beginning: Ankuji shows up at Armann’s door

Middle: Ankuji tells Armann that Jabe is now Donek

End: Armann calls for the Hedeon to gather

INT. ARMANN’S HOME – DAY

Akuji rushes into Armann’s home with barely a knock. Armann looks up from his chair, his purple aura turns red.

ARMANN

I don’t remember inviting you in. I think it is time I teach you some respect.

Armann signals for his Guards, who grab Akuji by his arms.

Akuji screeches.

AKUJI

Let me be! I have news! News!

Armann signals for the guards to let Akuji go free.

Akuji straightens his clothes, but waits for Armann to signal him to come closer.

Armann doesn’t signal, waits to see what Akuji will do.

Akuji stays in his place, trembling red.

An amused Armann finally signals for him to come.

Miffed, Ankuji stands before Armann, lips tightly closed.

ARMANN

(annoyed)

Your news?

Akuji puffs his chest out.

AKUJI

The big man who was here? He now is a Donek. Saw it with my own eyes.

Armann jumps up, dark red, moves into Akuji’s space.

ARMANN

Summon the Hedeon! Now!

Ankuji scurries away to do his bidding.

Beginning: Mob heads towards Donek temple.

Middle: Mob throws torches

End: Hedeon watch as the Donek temple burns

EXT. TOWN – NIGHT

The Hedeon move through the dark streets, a mob group holding torch like candles, led by Armann.

They move through the crosswalk towards the Donek sector.

EXT. DONEK TEMPLE – NIGHT – SAME

The Hedeon stop before older building sporting a picture of a circle filled with light on its front door.

ARMANN

Burn it!

The Hedeon throw their torches, watch as the building burns.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Act 2 TP

What I learned: The turning point needs to be a true change for the character.

INT. ARMANN’S HOME – BEDROOM – DAY

Beginning: Jabe reacts emotionally to his capture.

Middle: Jabe has a plan to escape

End: Jabe escapes

INT. ARMANN’S HOME – BEDROOM – DAY

Jabe paces in the small room. His aura changes from yellow to red, back to yellow, then blue.

He goes to the door to listen. Nothing.

He paces some more. Stops, looks at a window placed about level with his face.

Jabe peers out the window, his aura turns purple.

JABE’S POV

An empty lot. No one in sight.

RETURN TO SCENE

Jabe struggles to open the window. He lifts himself up and finds a tight fit as his abdomen hits the frame.

JABE

(to self; mutters)

Gotta watch those morning donuts.

For a moment it appears that Jabe will be stuck in the window frame. He blows out as much air as he can, sucks in his abdominal muscles, squeezes through.

Jabe lands with a thud on the ground outside.

INT. DONEK TEMPLE – DAY

Beginning: Alo confronts his listeners

Middle: Jabe accepts the Orb

End: Jabe realizes he has a new mission

INT. DONEK TEMPLE – DAY

Alo stands before a crowd of listening DONEK in their temple.

ALO

You have have heard of Armann’s ultimatum to the purple. He is not our ruler and has no authority over us.

A FEARFUL DONEK replies.

FEARFUL DONEK

They take authority! How many have they killed? Five, just yesterday.

Jabe enters the temple, sits in the back row, listens to Alo’s response.

ALO

Taaba has given us his word, and the Orb to fill our hearts with peace. He fights for us. Do you not remember how he saved the Donek from the wild Zoren? The ground opened, ate them.

FEARFUL DONEK

But if he chooses not to save us?

ALO

Taaba will take us to a better place. Is that not his promise? Is that not what we look forward to? Certainly not this existence!

Jabe listens, watches as the aura surrounding Alo brightens, as if to confirm his words. As the crowd nods assent, their aura brightens.

ALO

Taaba is great. He has chosen to give us strength and peace in our spirit to endure whatever comes. Do you believe this?

The crowd replies with a chorus of “Yes.” The room lights us with the intensity of their aurus.

Jabe looks at his own blue aura, attempts to fluff it up, then unsuccessfully brush it away. It stays blue.

A energy ball of light floats near Jabe, catching his eye.

JABE

(whispers)

The Orb?

The desire for the Donek’s aura entices Jabe to reach out. He is stopped by Alo.

ALO

Son, it is not the aura you accept. If you pull the Orb to yourself, it is Taaba and his ways you accept.

JABE

I prefer his ways to that of the Hedeon.

For a moment the Orb lingers in front of Jabe. When he doesn’t pull it to himself, the Orb starts to face.

Jabe notices the fading, quickly grabs the Orb and pulls it to himself.

His aura changes to the pearly iridescence of the Donek.

The observant crowd cheer.

ALO

Welcome to the family of the Donek, son.

Jabe strokes his aura, touches his chest. Awed.

ALO

You are different now, but have also been given a task.

JABE

What? A job? You have a job for me?

ALO

A service, but not from me, from Taaba. He will speak to your heart through the Orb. You will know what it is you should do. You will be given the strength to accomplish whatever he asks of you.

Jabe is on a high from his aura change.

JABE

Bring it on, then!

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Act 2 Middle Scenes

What I learned: Thinking of how the Protagonist uses his old ways sparked ideas that gave the script depth.

EXT. ARMANN’S HOME – PATIO – DAY

Jabe meets Armann and is introduced to his son Grigo (Imara’s 9 yr old son). Grigo sees that Jabe is purple and asks if he knows of Imara and if she is still purple. Jabe jokingly says she is his “little sister” and says, “not anymore.” This angers Armann who turns green while Jabe talks. Armann tells Grigo that his mother’s aura doesn’t matter, Grigo will never see her again. Armann tells Grigo to stay outside while he motions Jabe to go inside with him. Grigo stays but calls out after Armann. Grigo’s aura turns grey as he begs his father to let his mother come.

BEGINNING: Jabe meets Grigo, Armann’s son, and admits to knowing Imara

MIDDLE: Armann orders Jabe inside, away from his son

END: Grigo begs to see his mother

EXT. ARMANN’S HOME – PATIO – DAY

The Kind Hedeon and Jabe enter Armann’s patio, where Armann is playing catch with his son.

The Kind Hedeon nods slightly to Armann.

KIND HEDEON

(to Armann)

A new man has decided to join our sector. This is Jabe. I am thinking he may be useful for your personal service.

Armann studies Jabe, who remains purple under his scrutiny.

ARMANN

(to Jabe)

Jabe. Welcome to the sector.

Grigo, Armann’s son, runs up to Jabe, looks up at the tall man.

GRIGO

Did the Donek do that to you?

Jabe laughs.

JABE

Not sure what you mean, little man.

GRIGO

You are the tallest man in the whole world!

Jabe ruffles the top of Grigo’s head.

JABE

Well, I was that way long before I met any Donek.

GRIGO

Have you met a lot of Donek?

JABE

Not that many.

Armann’s face shows his displeasure as his son’s aura turns blue. He turns away from Jabe, head down.

JABE

I know Alo.

Grigo gives Jabe a sad smile.

JABE

And Imara?

Grigo immediately turns purple, grins.

GRIGO

You know Imara?

JABE

Sure, she’s my little sister.

Grigo’s jaw drops. Armann turns green. Grigo whispers his next question.

GRIGO

Is she, is she still purple?

Jabe looks uncomfortable but sees Grigo’s need to know.

JABE

Not any more, little man.

Armann barks out his orders.

ARMANN

Grigo, it doesn’t matter what color your mother is. You will not be seeing her again. Now stay here and play, I have visitors to speak with.

Grigo looks as if Armann had slapped him, he turns a darker blue.

Armann signals for Jabe and the Kind Hedeon to follow him into the house.

The trio move to go inside the house, Grigo’s begging cry follows them. His pleas fall on his father’s deaf ears.

GRIGO

Please, please dad. You said you would invite her here. Please, please let me see her. Please, dad, please…

INT. ARMANN’S HOME – DAY

Akuji whispers into Arman’s ear. Armann turns to Jabe, gives him a choice – stay with the Hedeon as Armann’s body guard or be killed as an example to the Donek. Jabe refuses to answer. Armann orders his man to place Jabe in a guarded room to think about his answer.

BEGINNING: Armann interrogates Jabe

MIDDLE: Armann tells Jabe he will be his bodyguard/eliminator

END: Jabe is held captive until he agrees to Armann’s demands

INT. ARMANN’S HOME – DAY – SAME

At the same time as the Kind Hedeon, Jabe, and Armann enter the living area of the home, Akuji enters from another door. He aura is still red.

AKUJI

I have news for you, Armann.

ARMANN

What is it?

Akuji glares at Jabe.

AKUJI

For you.

ARMANN

(to the Kind Hedeon)

You can leave the stranger with me.

(to Jabe)

Have a seat, I will be right with you.

The Kind Hedeon nods, leaves.

Armann crosses over to Ankuji. They whisper together. Jabe watches, turns yellow.

Akuji glares at Jabe, then turns, leaves.

Armann takes a seat across from Jabe. Doesn’t say anything for a beat.

Jabe shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Armann pours water from a pitcher on a table next to him into two small cups. Hands a cup to Jabe.

ARMANN

You are not from here?

JABE

No sir, I am from Whittier. California. Los Angeles. The United States.

ARMANN

A long name for a city.

JABE

Never heard of it?

Armann’s studies Jabe. Slowly responds.

ARMANN

No. You came by sea?

JABE

I… I don’t remember much. Woke up on the beach on uh, er, birthing day.

Armann considers this, unsure of his story.

ARMANN

But you remember you are from this Whittier estate place?

Jabe decides not to try and correct him, just nods.

ARMANN

And you ended up in the Donek sector, how?

JABE

Alo found me. He was the first one I met. Then Imara.

A very green Armann roars.

ARMANN

Imara is with Alo?

Jabe turns yellow with Armann’s rant. Nods once again.

ARMANN

Did she speak of me? Is that why you are here?

Jabe shifts in his seat.

JABE

Alo pretty much kicked me out, said the purple belong with the purple.

This amuses Armann, he reverts to a purple aura.

ARMANN

But why did you show up at my door?

Jabe turns purple, leans forward.

JABE

The guy who brought me here? He said you might know of a place I could live and get g job. I like working with animals if that helps.

Armann snickers.

ARMANN

Working with animals? There are many animals around this sector and yes, you might be very useful.

JABE

Great! What would I do?

Armann settles back into his chair.

ARMANN

You will be my new bodyguard, and, as occasion requires, my eliminator.

Jabe chokes on the sip of water he just drank. Sputters

JABE

Eliminator?

Jabe jumps up, paces. Turns yellow.

JABE

No, no, I don’t think so.

Armann says nothing, raises an eyebrow.

Jabe calms himself, turns purple. He takes a seat, settles himself before talking.

JABE

Let me rephrase that. I’m not into fighting. Now you got some animals I can feed or clean up after…

ARMANN

Let me rephrase. You WILL be my bodyguard and you WILL eliminate anyone I choose, especially the Donek.

Jabe turns red.

JABE

Those guys have been nothing but kind to me! You can’t make me kill anyone!

ARMANN

I’ll do whatever I please. Whenever I please. You’ll learn that soon enough.

Jabe jumps up.

JABE

I’m leaving.

He stalks through the front door.

Five seconds later he is back, struggling, held by the arms by two guards.

Armann points to a room.

ARMANN

(to Jabe)

As I said, you will be my bodyguard.

(to the guards)

Lock him up until he agrees.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Act 2 Reaction to TP 1

What I learned doing this assignment: I enjoy this first draft writing! Nice to be freed from wordsmithing!

EXT. TOWN – SIDEWALK – DAY

Jabe chooses to go to the Hedeon Sector

BEGINNING: Jabe contemplates his choices, watching the ocean.

MIDDLE: Jabe stands at the crossroads.

END: Jabe heads to the Hedeon sector.

EXT. ROCKY BLUFF – DAY

Jabe contemplates the ocean from the rocky ledge, aura blue.

EXT. TOWN SIDEWALK – DAY

Jabe stands at the crossroads, stares at a sign pointing both to the Dorek and Hedeon sectors.

He watches as Dorek turn and take the road to the Dorek sector and Hedeon turn to the Hedeon sector.

Jabe turns towards the Dorek sector.

After a few feet, his aura turns red as he makes an abrupt turnaround, crosses the road, heads for the Hedeon sector.

EXT. HEDEON SECTOR – DAY

Jabe leaves the Dorek to meet with the Hedeon. Since he is of purple aura himself, he is accepted and arranges to meet with Armann. In the background, Akuji, the man who Jabe stopped from killing the Dorek smolders with hate, a deep red aura.

BEGINNING: Jabe meets up with the Kind Hedeon

MIDDLE: Jabe is forced to see Armann

END: Akuji watches Jabe with hateful eyes

EXT. HEDEON SECTOR – DAY

Rows of houses line the Hedeon sector. HEDEON are outside, washing cars, mowing lawns. All sport a purple aura.

Jabe stops at the first house just as the Kind Hedeon steps out, sees Jabe.

KIND HEDEON

Ah! Took my advice, I see. Welcome.

Jabe waves a greeting and the Kind Hedeon approaches.

KIND HEDEON

You’ll be needing a place to stay.

Jabe’s relief is evident.

JABE

Yeah, and a job too, I guess. Do you know…

KIND HEDEON

…No worries, son. Come with me.

The Kind Hedeon moves down the sidewalk. Jabe hesitates, moves to catch up.

A NOSY NEIGHBOR calls out to the Kind Hedeon.

NOSY NEIGHBOR

Heh! Where are you off to? Who is that with you?

Jabe smiles, waves at the Nosy Neighbor.

JABE

Name’s Jabe. Hello!

KIND HEDEON

I’m taking him to Armann.

Jabe stops cold, turns yellow.

JABE

Wait, what? I thought we were going to some kind of community housing or something!

KIND HEDEON

You will need to see Armann.

The Kind Hedeon takes a few steps forward, Jabe doesn’t move.

Both the Kind Hedeon and the Nosy Neighbor move up to Jabe.

KIND HEDEON

You will go to Armann, son. All Hedeon obey his directives.

Jabe backs up.

JABE

Maybe this was a mistake.

NOSY NEIGHBOR

All purple belong here. Like he said, you will go.

The Nosy Neighbor whistles, attracting the attention of others on the street. He motions for them to join him.

The Hedeon on the street leave their tasks, move towards Jabe.

KIND HEDEON

No need for force, right Jabe?

Jabe puts his hands up in surrender.

JABE

No, no.

Jabe attempts to lighten the moment, singing a ditty.

JABE

Should I stay or should I go?

The Kind Hedeon ignores his attempt at humor, motions for Jabe to follow him.

KIND HEDEON

Don’t be afraid, Jabe. With your size, I’m sure Armann will keep you close, take good care of you.

Jabe turns blue.

JABE

Stay with Armann? I’m not sure, I mean…

KIND HEDEON

…as long as you are Hedeon and are not involved with the Dorek, you will have no problems. Come, it’s a short distance.

A purple Jabe follows the Kind Hedeon down the street.

Three houses down, Akuji watches from the shadows as Jabe and the Kind Hedeon pass. His aura changes to a deep red.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Act 1

What I learned – Deleted and added scenes from my Outline, getting to know my characters! So much easier to be creative when you free yourself form wordsmithing.

MASADA MOMENT

FADE IN:

INT. PET STORE – DAY

Jabe (20’s), a gentle giant, places several lettuce leaves into an iguana’s glass cage.

The STORE MANAGER (40’s) yells across the store.

STORE MANAGER

Jabe!

He lifts the phone, signals for Jabe to answer it.

Jabe moves to answer the phone.

STORE MANAGER

You know who. Again.

He hands Jabe the phone.

STORE MANAGER

Resolve it, man. No more of this at work.

Jabe nods, takes the receiver.

JABE

Hi, mom.

(a beat)

I know. I know. I know. I’m not dad, mom. I know.

(a beat)

OK, here goes.

Jabe takes a deep breath.

JABE

I don’t want to be a doctor. I’m not going back to my pre-med classes. OK? I like my job as a veterinary assistant.

At this the Store Manager lifts his eyebrows, smirks.

Jabe catches his look, gives an embarrassed shrug, focuses once more on the phone.

JABE

I know. I know. I know. OK, we’ll talk about it later. Love you, mom.

Jabe sighs, hangs up the phone.

LOW RUMBLE

The building begins to shake.

SPLAT!

A ceiling tile hits the ground.

SCREAM!

CUSTOMERS scream, run for the exits.

Jabe reaches out to steady the snake display. A sudden jolt and he loses his grip. The display, falls, crashes. A snake slithers free.

JABE yells as he runs from the store, more from fear of the snake than the earthquake.

The store facing crumbles.

Jabe hops over fallen bricks…

…dodges the pet store sign as it falls…

…runs into the street.

EXT. PET STORE – DAY

SCREECH!

Car brakes warn Jabe. A car moves towards him, he jumps aside, car nearly misses him.

WAILS

The sidewalk and street are covered with shocked PEOPLE, crying from fear, discovered wounds. The quaking has stopped.

Jabe looks around, frozen.

SPLAT!

A chunk of plaster falls behind Jabe. He jumps, moves away from the building.

RUMBLE!

The quaking begins again. Jabe runs back to the street, struggles to keep his footing.

CRACKLE

The road splits, widens as a crevasse lengthens, moves directly towards Jabe.

He turns, attempts to run, trips, falls directly into the path of the crevasse.

EXT. OTHER WORLD – BEACH – DAY

Jabe is face down, motionless on a sandy beach.

Jabe lifts his head, spits out sand. The sound of ocean waves catches his attention.

He turns to see an expanse of water, waves gently lapping the shore.

JABE

Wha…??

RUSTLE

His attention is redirected to a baby iguana lizard moving through the sand. Jabe instinctively jerks away, only to see 5 more lizards running past him.

He jumps up.

JABE

AHHH!

He brushes off a lizard crawling up his pants leg. Lifts his head to see a snake in the distance, body twisted around a struggling baby iguana.

He watches as a group of 5 or 6 snakes lift their heads, search the beach.

A baby lizard pokes his head up through the sand. Eyes blink.

A snake slithers slowly towards Jabe and the lizard. Jabe backs up, watches in horror, shakes in fear as he avoids the darting lizards.

The baby lizard emerges from the sand, scurries, three snakes take off in pursuit. They capture the lizard, their bodies entwined into a rolling, twisting mass of snake.

Another baby lizard pokes his head up.

JABE

Run!

The lizard breaks out from the sand, oblivious to the snakes, slowly moves up the beach.

JABE

RUN!!!

The snakes move closer to the baby lizard.

Jabe shudders, leans down, and after several attempts, catches the lizard by the tail.

Jabe runs with the flailing lizard, away from the snakes, jumping over fleeing lizards.

He reaches a rock, sets the iguana down, jumps up on top of the rock, breathes heavily.

JABE

(mutters)

Gotta hit the gym.

He sits on the rock to rest, looks out at the ocean.

JABE

Not real. Not real. Not real.

Jabe hits the side of his head several times, blinks rapidly. He opens one eye.

The ocean is still there. So are the fleeing lizards…

…and the snake slithering up the rocks!

He jumps up, climbs up the rocky face of a bluff…

EXT. ROCKY BLUFF – DAY – SAME

…only to come face to face with the blinking eyes of four iguana, resting on the top of a rock. His head jerks back, they watch each other for beat.

JABE

(nervous)

Move over, guys.

Jabe pulls himself up as the lizards scatter. One more rock to go and he will be at the top of the bluff.

Jabe’s fingers grasp the top ledge of rock. He finds a foothold for a foot, pushes himself up, peers over the ledge only to see…

…three DOREK MEN frowning down at him. A shimmering aura surrounds them.

Jabe freezes, inspects the men.

JABE

Tell me this isn’t heaven.

The white-haired oldest of the three, ALO, a man who wears kindness and wisdom like a coat, shakes his head and reaches out a hand to help Jabe up.

ALO

A Hedeon on the beach at birthing? A dare, perhaps?

All Dorek are trim, not over 5’9” in height. As Jabe stands, his tall frame towers over them.

A purple aura surrounds Jabe. He tries unsuccessfully to brush the purple away.

His aura, along with his threatening size, put the Dorek men ill at ease. Jabe notices their discomfort. He shrugs, gives a nervous laugh, lifts empty hands.

JABE

Heh, just think of me as Barney.

The two Dorek men pull out odd-shaped guns.

Jabe’s aura instantly turns from purple to a pale yellow.

Alo motions for the Dorek Men to put their weapons down.

ALO

Don’t be afraid, we mean you no harm.

EXT. TOWN SIDEWALK – DAY – SAME

Jabe walks with the Dorek men, a mix of people with auras of purple, blue, gray, red, yellow, green, and the pearly shimmering of the Dorek pass them by. Jabe maintains his purple aura. Everyone else is short in stature and none are overweight.

JABE

Definitely not in Kansas.

ALO

Kansas? A area in the Hedeon sector?

JABE

I’m not from the Hedeon sector.

ALO

But you are purple? And I would know if you lived with Dorek. Where is your home, then?

Jabe turns yellow.

JABE

Not anywhere near here, wherever here is…

He looks around at the strangeness of the people. He sees a couple fighting, the man with a green aura, the woman’s red.

Jabe turns to Alo.

JABE

You wouldn’t happen to have a pair of ruby slippers would you?

ALO

You want to find a shoe store?

The Dorek men exchange glances, unsure of this strange man.

Jabe feels his head.

JABE

Delirious. Must be. But no fever.

They reach a crossroads.

ALO

Young man, do you want to go to the Hedeon or the Dorek sector?

JABE

I don’t know. I don’t recognize anything. I don’t know which direction to pick.

ALO

Thinking you can remain undecided is an illusion of the mind. Not choosing is to be. No choice is a choice.

Jabe’s yellow aura changes to blue.

JABE

I think I’m sick.

Alo nods.

ALO

Come to my home. Join us for lunch and we will see if we can make you better.

INTERIOR – ALO’S HOME – DAY

Jabe sits at a table with the Dorek men, clearly ill at ease.

Alo hands him a square box. The box is filled with liquid and has a smooth half-moon raised edge on one side. Jabe inspects it, smells it.

Alo sips his, placing his lips on the raised edge. Nods for Jabe to drink.

Jabe takes a small sip. Coughs.

JABE

Thanks. Er, what is this?

Alo looks confused at the question.

ALO

Galena? You’ve never had need of it?

JABE

No, I… I…

Jabe breaks down, his aura changing from purple to yellow to blue.

ALO

What is it, son?

Jabe hits at his aura, scratches his arms. The aura remains as his eyes fill with tears. He chokes out an answer.

JABE

I don’t know what Galena is, I don’t know who the Dorek or the Hedeon are. I don’t know why I turn purple, or yellow, or blue. I just want to go home.

Alo rests his hand on Jabe’s shoulder.

ALO

Where is home, son?

Jabe looks up, hopeful.

JABE

Whittier.

Alo cocks his head, questioning.

JABE

Whittier, California.

Alo shakes his head “no.”

JABE

L.A.?

Alo doesn’t respond.

JABE

Los Angeles?

(a beat)

Come on, everyone knows about Los Angeles.

(a beat)

Everyone?

Alo responds slowly.

ALO

This Los Angeles place is not known here. I would help you go wherever you need to go, but I could not point the way.

Jabe speaks through his tears.

JABE

O.K. Let’s start with this, then.

Jabe holds his cup up.

JABE

Galena?

ALO

A calming agent.

Jabe chugs down his drink as Imara (20’s) enters. Her purple aura matches Jabe’s after his drink.

She starts at the sight of what she thinks is a Hedeon man, her aura turns red and she slams the plate of food she carries down on the table. Her biting tongue reflects her fighting spirit. She turns an accusing eye on Alo.

IMARA

I will not go back with him! Your promises are like water on a hot day!

Alo rushes to reassure her.

ALO,

Imara, he is not Hedeon.

Jabe lifts his hands in surrender.

JABE

Not Hedeon. Not me. I don’t know what you would call me.

Imara spits her answer.

IMARA

Not welcome. No purple is welcome.

Alo clears his throat, replies gently.

ALO

Imara. All purple are welcome here. It is our greatest hope that they would all learn of and accept the Orb, as I hope you will one day.

Imara stares at Jabe.

Jabe breaks the silence.

JABE

So why are you purple?

Imara looks at Alo, confused.

ALO

We are all born that way. Weren’t you always purple?

JABE

Not until I got here, wherever here is.

Jabe addresses Imara.

JABE

Have you ever heard of Los Angeles?

Imara doesn’t speak, just shakes her head “no.”

JABE

OK then, who can tell me why people keep changing colors?

Alo smiles.

ALO

True Dorek never change. Only the Hedeon, and you apparently.

JABE

I thought you said everyone was born purple? How do you get to be a Dorek? Imara is here, why is she still purple?

Imara is tired of this dense man.

IMARA

I haven’t seen the Orb.

Jabe is overwhelmed by another wrinkle. He hums the theme song from twilight zone.

JABE

Do do do do. Do do do do.

Imara looks at him as if he is crazy.

JABE

Just saying, I mean, humming.

Jabe tries to redirect, notices the plate of food.

JABE

So, what’s for dinner?

IMARA

What do you think? Its birthing day. We are having snake.

Jabe looks as if he wished he had never asked.

JABE

Ok, then.

Alo nods to the empty chair.

ALO

Take a seat, Imara. We will eat.

Imara dishes out the snake to Alo, herself, and then Jabe.

Jabe would rather talk than eat.

JABE

So, what is this Orb thing?

Alo swallows his bite.

ALO

That is a discussion better left when not eating. Suffice it to say, those who reject the Orb are marked for death.

EXT. HEDEON SECTOR – PLAZA – DAY

The leader of the Hedeon, ARMANN (40’s), a narcissistic commanding presence, speaks to a group of Hedeon Men in the plaza of the Hedeon sector of town. His aura is red.

ARMANN

My own son asks about the Orb! The Dorek are growing too bold!

As the men murmur agreement with Armann, their aura turns from purple to red. AKUJI, with the darkest red, speaks out.

AKUJI

Why do you still try to maintain peace?

Armann faces Akuji, it is clear he dislikes the man.

ARMANN

You question me? Peace is what THEY call it. WE call it co-existing. They bring valuable supplies, trade we need in the market place! This is not about eliminating an enemy; it is about controlling them. We take the benefits, they follow our rules.

Akuji is brave but not wise.

AKUJI

They will never follow our rules.

Armann’s red color intensifies.

ARMANN

Speak again and I will do to you what you wish I did to them. Fool!

Akuji nods, backs away. A TIMID HEDEON man raises his hand. Armann nods in his direction.

TIMID HEDEON

What is it we should do?

ARMANN

Show them the truth. Intimidate them until they learn.

An energy ball of light floats down from the sky towards Armann. The men gasp, step back.

Armann ignores the ball of light.

ARMANN

It is nothing! It means nothing!!

The ball disappears.

ARMANN

You see? It holds no power over anyone!

Armann signals for the men to draw close.

ARMANN

This is what we will do…

EXT. TOWN – DAY

Jabe stands alone on the sidewalk, watching, wondering.

Armann (red aura) approaches a Dorek man.

ARMANN

You!

The UNSUSPECTING DOREK MAN notes Armann’s red aura.

UNSUSPECTING DOREK MAN

Have I done something to offend you?

ARMANN

Give me back what you stole from me!

UNSUSPECTING DOREK MAN

I’m sorry. I think you have me…

ARMANN

Give it back now or fight!

UNSUSPECTING DOREK MAN

I really think you have the…

ARMANN

Give it back, or take a swing at me.

UNSUSPECTING DOREK MAN

I won’t fight you, I don’t even know you.

ARMANN

Armann. Now you do.

The Dorek man turns away from Armann, attempts to walk away. Armann jumps in front of him and is inadvertently knocked down by the Dorek’s attempt to get away.

Jabe freezes, watches, turns yellow.

Armann screeches at the man.

ARMANN

You hit me!

Armann pulls out the same strange looking weapon he saw the Dorek men carry. He slaps his hand down on top of it and it spews a gaseous substance that covers the man.

The man’s falls to the ground, his aura gone. Dead.

Jabe watches as Armann moves down the street, calling out to a SMALL DOREK MAN. The man stops as all other Dorek in the area scatter. Jabe watches, hears Armann’s screaming.

ARMANN

Despicable Dorek!

EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN – DAY

Jabe calls out to a NERVOUS DOREK MAN who is moving towards the Dorek sector.

JABE

Have you heard of Los Angeles?

The man stops, inspects the hulking purple man before him.

NERVOUS DOREK MAN

No, I can’t say I have. Please, leave me be.

Akuji, his aura red, comes behind the Small Dorek Man, grabs him, pushes him down.

AKUJI

Is he bothering you? I thought I saw him bothering you!

Akuji kicks at the Nervous Dorek’s leg.

As Jabe shakes his “no” the Small Dorek Man attempts to stand, then falls back, moaning, holding his injured leg.

Akuji moves to strike the Small Dorek Man again. Jabe turns red, steps in between the two.

JABE

Heh, it’s all good. All good.

Akuji attempts to move around Jabe.

AKUJI

Armann’s orders.

Jabe puts out his hand to stop him. Akuji looks up at the huge man, who clearly could beat him in a fight.

JABE

Can’t we all just get along?

Akuji considers for a second, then snarls at the Dorek man before leaving.

AKUJI

He won’t always be along.

Jabe picks up the Dorek man.

EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN – DAY – SAME

A KIND HEDEON man with a purple aura sees Jabe carrying the Dorek and calls out to him.

KIND HEDEON

Hello there.

Jabe pauses, unsure of the Hedeon’s intent.

KIND HEDEON

Armann won’t take kindly to seeing you help. Better leave him to his own.

JABE

Not that kind of person.

KIND HEDEON

Well, neither am I, which is why you need to hear me out.

Jabe nods for him to continue.

KIND HEDEON

You haven’t heard? Armann cannot tolerate Hedeon who sympathize with the Dorek. You can’t align yourself with this cult, not…

(his aura turns yellow)

…not if you value your life.

Jabe turns yellow.

JABE

People just kill whoever they want here? And the police?

The Kind Hedeon is confused by the word “police.”

KIND HEDEON

I don’t know him. I do know Armann is in charge and does whatever he pleases. Just, just be careful. And if you happen to see the Orb in the Dorek sector, run!

EXT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

Jabe helps Imara as she moves sacks of food into Alo’s home. Imara’s aura is red.

IMARA

Don’t ask me about Armann! I hate him!!

JABE

Wow, didn’t mean to push that button.

IMARA

Push? What button?

JABE

Never mind.

Jabe lifts the last of the sacks onto the table.

IMARA

Are you planning on staying here?

Jabe turns blue.

JABE

I don’t know where else to go.

IMARA

Well, don’t think about joining Armann, the Hedeon can’t be trusted.

JABE

Just him, or all the Hedeon? I mean, I don’t want to offend you, but aren’t you Hedeon?

IMARA

My parents were Hedeon, if that’s what you are asking. I don’t trust them either.

JABE

You trust anybody?

Imara takes a moment to respond, then softly answers.

IMARA

Alo, yes.

Jabe looks at her kindly.

JABE

Hard life? Well, you can trust me. If I’m stuck here, I’ll need family. Want to be my sister?

INT. ALO’S HOME – KITCHEN – DAY

A calming music plays as Imara peels potatoes at the kitchen sink. A glowing ball of light floats towards Imara. She reaches out, pulls it to her chest, her aura changes to a pearly irridescent glow. Jabe secretly watches, then steps into the room to confront Imara once he sees her aura change.

JABE

Imara!! What have you done?

Imara’s aura deepens, shimmers.

IMARA

I saw it Jabe! I saw it, I accepted it!

Jabe steps up to her. Touches at her aura.

JABE

Does it hurt?

Imara laughs, throws Jabe a potato, twirls.

IMARA

I’m free, Jabe! I’m free!

Jabe tosses the potato into the sink.

JABE

Free from what?

Imara doesn’t answer, just laughs and twirls, clearly in her own world.

Jabe shakes his head, leaves her to her own joy.

INT. ARMANN’S HOME – DAY

GRIGO (7), Armann’s young son, twirls a wand with a round end, laughing, releases bubbles into the air.

Armann, purple, watches, enjoys his son’s laughter. He takes the wand from Grigo’s hand, dips into a bowl, and blows bubbles over his son’s head.

The purple boy claps at the bubbles, breaks them.

Armann picks up the bowl, inspects it.

ARMANN

Empty. Come, time to play outside.

Grigo takes Armann’s hand.

GRIGO

I wish my mother was here to play with us.

Armann is in high spirits. He looks fondly at his son.

ARMANN

I’ll send a message to her then, ask her to visit.

An exuberant Grigo hugs his father.

INT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

Alo is seated in a comfortable chair, in a comfortable room, holds a letter. Jabe stands before him, ill at ease.

JABE

You wanted to see me?

ALO

Sit. Please. I need to share something with you.

Jabe attempts to sit in a stuffed chair that matches Alo’s. The chair is too small for his large frame. He moves over to a straight back chair, no arms.

JABE

Don’t quite fit here.

ALO

But you are here. Is there another place you would seek?

JABE

I’ve asked. Everybody. It’s a running joke.

Jabe sings a ditty to the tune “Do you know the way to San Jose.”

JABE

Do you know the way to L.A.?

He stops abruptly when Alo doesn’t respond.

JABE

Had to be there, I guess.

Alo picks up the letter.

ALO

Would you like to hear?

JABE

Sure, I mean, unless it’s a map or something. Then I’d like to see it.

Alo ignores the comment. Reads from the letter.

ALO

All purple are required to return to the Hedeon sector. We will not have our own indoctrinated by your radical ways. By actively attempting to convert our young, you have given us no choice. Consider this warning seriously. All purple have two days to comply. Any above the age of 16 that have not taken residence in the Hedeon sector will be killed on sight.

Jabe shrugs.

JABE

I’m not from here, they don’t mean me.

Alo puts the letter aside. His aura intensifies.

ALO

Jabe, you are purple. You must change or leave. No choice is a choice.

Jabe stands, paces.

JABE

You can’t force me to be something I’m not. Don’t you think I would love to go back to my home? This place, this isn’t where I belong. I don’t belong with the Hedeon either.

ALO

The purple will never feel at home. Not until they accept the Orb. Then they will realize Taaba’s true purpose for their lives.

Jabe’s aura turns red.

JABE

Who said anything about the Orb? We’re not talking about the Orb! Are you kicking me out unless I accept the Orb? Is this what this is about?

ALO

This is about you, Jabe. Not wanting to choose. Not wanting to change, even if would benefit you.

JABE

You are not my mother!

Alo doesn’t understand this comment.

ALO

Nor am I Taaba. He requires you to choose.

JABE

I don’t know Taaba. He doesn’t know me. I’m not even sure there is a Taaba!

The Orb floats gently into the room. Jabe stares at it.

JABE

Is that…

ALO

…the Orb? Do you see it?

Jabe stares at the floating energy ball.

JABE

Don’t you?

ALO

I have already accepted the Orb. I feel the presence inside. If you see the Orb, then this is your opportunity to choose.

Jabe hesitates, rubs his chest but doesn’t reach out. He breaks away from the vision of the Orb, looks at the floor as his aura turns yellow. The Orb disappears.

JABE

I don’t see anything. I don’t feel anything. I don’t want to leave here if I can’t go back to Whittier, or at least to the United States.

Jabe realizes he never asked anyone about the U.S. He turns purple and lifts his head.

JABE

You gotta know where the United States is?

Alo sadly shakes his head.

ALO

You may stay here. I cannot guarantee your safety, however.

Jabe’s aura turns back to red.

JABE

So, you tell me I have a choice, but I really don’t do I? OK, Mother. I’m off to med school.

Jabe stalks out of the room.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Turning Point 1 Scene

What I learned doing this assignment: Requirement of a turning point, that you have to have them face the fear they have been avoiding.

INT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

TE #2 Time is up. Alo receives Armann’s letter stating all purple must be returned to the Hedeon tribe or else they will be sought out and killed. Alo gives Jabe the choice to stay with the Dorek or leave and join the Hedeon. Jabe wants to stay with the Dorek and lay low. Jabe turns red as Alo accuses him of refusing to make a decision that would better himself. Jabe replies that Alo is “not his mother” and stalks off.

BEGINNING: Alo invites Jabe to sit. Reads him Armann’s letter. States he has a choice to make.

MIDDLE: Alo forces him to commit to one choice or another. Commit to staying with the Dorek or leave to join the Hedeon.

END: Jabe decides. Leaves the Dorek.

INT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

Alo is seated in a comfortable chair, in a comfortable room, holds a letter. Jabe stands before him, ill at ease.

JABE

You wanted to see me?

ALO

Sit. Please. I need to share something with you.

Jabe attempts to sit in a stuffed chair that matches Alo’s. The chair is too small for his large frame. He moves over to a straight back chair, no arms.

JABE

Don’t quite fit here.

ALO

But you are here. Is there another place you would seek?

JABE

I’ve asked. Everybody. It’s a running joke.

Jabe sings a ditty to the tune “Do you know the way to San Jose.”

JABE

Do you know the way to L.A.?

He stops abruptly when Alo doesn’t respond.

JABE

Had to be there, I guess.

Alo picks up the letter.

ALO

Would you like to hear?

JABE

Sure, I mean, unless it’s a map or something. Then I’d like to see it.

Alo ignores the comment. Reads from the letter.

ALO

All purple are required to return to the Hedeon sector. We will not have our own indoctrinated by your radical ways. By actively attempting to convert our young, you have given us no choice. Consider this warning seriously. All purple have two days to comply. Any above the age of 16 that have not taken residence in the Hedeon sector will be killed on sight.

Jabe shrugs.

JABE

I’m not from here, they don’t mean me.

Alo puts the letter aside. His aura intensifies.

ALO

Jabe, you are purple. You must change or leave. No choice is a choice.

Jabe stands, paces.

JABE

You can’t force me to be something I’m not. Don’t you think I would love to go back to my home? This place, this isn’t where I belong. I don’t belong with the Hedeon either.

ALO

The purple will never feel at home. Not until they accept the Orb. Then they will realize Taaba’s true purpose for their lives.

Jabe’s aura turns red.

JABE

Who said anything about the Orb? We’re not talking about the Orb! Are you kicking me out unless I accept the Orb? Is this what this is about?

ALO

This is about you, Jabe. Not wanting to choose. Not wanting to change, even if would benefit you.

JABE

You are not my mother!

Alo doesn’t understand this comment.

ALO

Nor am I Taaba. He requires you to choose.

JABE

I don’t know Taaba. He doesn’t know me. I’m not even sure there is a Taaba!

The Orb floats gently into the room. Jabe stares at it.

JABE

Is that…

ALO

…the Orb? Do you see it?

Jabe stares at the floating energy ball.

JABE

Don’t you?

ALO

I have already accepted the Orb. I feel the presence inside. If you see the Orb, then this is your opportunity to choose.

Jabe hesitates, rubs his chest but doesn’t reach out. He breaks away from the vision of the Orb, looks at the floor as his aura turns yellow. The Orb disappears.

JABE

I don’t see anything. I don’t feel anything. I don’t want to leave here if I can’t go back to Whittier, or at least to the United States.

Jabe realizes he never asked anyone about the U.S. He turns purple and lifts his head.

JABE

You gotta know where the United States is?

Alo sadly shakes his head.

ALO

You may stay here. I cannot guarantee your safety, however.

Jabe’s aura turns back to red.

JABE

So, you tell me I have a choice, but I really don’t do I? OK, Mother. I’m off to med school.

Jabe stalks out of the room.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Inciting Incident

What I learned: I need a reaction to the inciting incident, which I hadn’t planned in my outline.

EXT. OTHER WORLD – BEACH – DAY

Jabe is face down, motionless in the sand.

Jabe lifts his head, spits out sand. The sound of ocean waves catches his attention.

He turns to see an expanse of water, waves gently lapping the shore.

JABE

What??

RUSTLE

His attention is redirected to a baby iguana lizard moving through the sand. Jabe instinctively jerks away, only to see 5 more lizards running past him.

He jumps up.

JABE

AHHH!

He brushes off a lizard crawling up his pants leg. Lifts his head to see a snake in the distance, body twisted around a struggling baby iguana.

He watches as a group of 5 or 6 snakes lift their heads, search the beach.

A baby lizard pokes his head up through the sand. Eyes blink.

A snake slithers slowly towards Jabe and the lizard. Jabe backs up, watches in horror, shakes in fear as he avoids the darting lizards.

The baby lizard scurries, three snakes take off in pursuit. They capture the lizard, all their bodies entwined into a rolling, twisting mass of snake.

Another baby lizard pokes his head up.

JABE

Run!

The lizard slowly moves up the beach.

JABE

RUN!!!

The snakes move closer to the baby lizard.

Jabe shudders, leans down, and after several attempts, catches the lizard by the tail.

Jabe runs with the flailing lizard, away from the snakes, jumping over fleeing lizards.

He reaches a rock, sets the iguana down, jumps up on top of the rock, breathes heavily.

JABE

(mutters)

Gotta hit the gym.

He sits on the rock to rest, looks out at the ocean.

JABE

Not real. Not real. Not real.

Jabe hits the side of his head several times, blinks rapidly. He opens one eye.

The ocean is still there. So are the fleeing lizards…

…and the snake slithering up the rocks!

He jumps up, climbs up the rocky face of a bluff…

EXT. ROCKY BLUFF – DAY – SAME

…only to come face to face with the blinking eyes of four iguana, resting on the top of a rock. His head jerks back, they watch each other for beat.

JABE

(nervous)

Move over, guys.

Jabe pulls himself up as the lizards scatter. One more rock to go and he will be at the top.

Jabe’s fingers grasp the top ledge of rock. He finds a foothold for a foot, pushes himself up, peers over the ledge only to see…

…three DOREK MEN frowning down at him. A shimmering aura surrounds them.

Jabe freezes, inspects the men.

JABE

Tell me this isn’t heaven.

The white-haired oldest of the three, ALO, a man who wears kindness and wisdom like a coat, shakes his head and reaches out a hand to help Jabe up.

ALO

A Hedeon on the beach at birthing? A dare, perhaps?

All the Dorek are trim, not over 5’9″ in height. As Jabe stands, his tall frame towers over them.

A purple aura surrounds Jabe. He tries unsuccessfully to brush the purple away.

His aura, along with his threatening size, put the Dorek men ill at ease. Jabe notices their discomfort. He shrugs, gives a nervous laugh, lifts empty hands.

JABE

Heh, just think of me as Barney.

The two Dorek men pull out odd-shaped guns.

Jabe’s aura instantly turns from purple to a pale yellow.

Alo motions for the Dorek Men to put their weapons down.

ALO

Don’t be afraid, we mean you no harm.

Protagonist’s reaction to the inciting incident

Beginning: Jabe tries to find the way home.

Middle: Jabe asks why she is “purple” and not like the others (Everyone else in the room has a pearly iridescent aura).

End: Alo states rejecting the Orb marks them for death.

INTERIOR – ALO’S HOME – DAY

Jabe sits at a table with the Dorek men, rubs his temple, clearly ill at ease.

Alo hands him a square box. The box is filled with liquid and has a smooth half-moon raised edge on one side. Jabe inspects it, smells it.

Alo sips his, placing his lips on the raised edge. Nods for Jabe to drink.

Jabe takes a small sip. Coughs.

JABE

Thanks. Er, what is this?

Alo looks confused at the question.

ALO

Galena? You’ve never had need of it?

JABE

No, I… I…

Jabe breaks down, his aura changing from purple to yellow to gray.

ALO

What is it, son?

Jabe sobs out an answer.

JABE

I don’t know what Galena is, I don’t know who the Dorek or the Hedeon are. I don’t know why I turn purple, or yellow, or gray. I just want to go home.

Alo rests his hand on Jabe’s shoulder.

ALO

Where is home, son?

Jabe looks up, hopeful.

JABE

Whittier.

Alo cocks his head, questioning.

JABE

Whittier, California.

Alo shakes his head “no.”

JABE

L.A.?

Alo doesn’t respond.

JABE

Los Angeles?

(a beat)

Come on, everyone knows about Los Angeles.

(a beat)

Everyone?

Alo responds slowly.

ALO

This Los Angeles place is not known here. I would help you go wherever you need to go, but I could not point the way.

Jabe speaks through his tears.

JABE

Let’s start with this, then. Galena?

Jabe holds his cup up.

ALO

A calming agent.

Jabe chugs down his drink as Imara (20’s) enters. Her purple aura matches Jabe’s after his drink.

She starts at the sight of what she thinks is a Hedeon man, her aura turns red and she slams the plate of food she carries down on the table. Her biting tongue reflects her fighting spirit. She turns an accusing eye on Alo.

IMARA

I will not go back with him! Your promises are like water on a hot day!

Alo rushes to reassure her.

ALO,

Imara, he is not Hedeon.

Jabe lifts his hands in surrender.

JABE

Not Hedeon. Not me. I don’t know what you would call me.

Imara spits her answer.

IMARA

Not welcome. No purple is welcome.

Alo clears his throat, replies gently.

ALO

Imara. All purple are welcome here. It is our greatest hope that they would all learn of and accept the Orb, as I hope you will one day.

Imara stares at Jabe.

Jabe breaks the silence.

JABE

So why are you purple?

Imara looks at Alo, confused.

ALO

We are all born that way. Weren’t you always purple?

JABE

Not until I got here, wherever here is.

Jabe addresses Imara.

JABE

Have you ever heard of Los Angeles?

Imara doesn’t speak, just shakes her head “no.”

JABE

OK then, who can tell me why people keep changing colors?

Alo smiles.

ALO

True Dorek never change. Only the Hedeon, and you apparently.

JABE

I thought you said everyone was born purple? How do you get to be a Dorek? Imara is here, why is she still purple?

Imara is tired of this dense man.

IMARA

I haven’t seen the Orb.

Jabe is overwhelmed by another wrinkle. He hums the theme song from twilight zone.

JABE

Do do do do. Do do do do.

Imara looks at him as if he is crazy.

JABE

Just saying, I mean, humming.

Jabe tries to redirect, notices the plate of food.

JABE

So, what’s for dinner?

IMARA

What do you think? Its birthing day. We are having snake.

Jabe looks as if he wished he had never asked.

JABE

Ok, then.

Alo nods to the empty chair.

ALO

Take a seat, Imara. We will eat.

Imara dishes out the snake to Alo, herself, and then Jabe.

Jabe would rather talk than eat.

JABE

So, what is this Orb thing?

Alo swallows his bite.

ALO

That is a discussion better left when not eating. Suffice it to say, those who reject the Orb are marked for death.

[Margaret]

CHARACTER INTRO: JABE (Protagonist)

Beginning: Jabe works in a pet store, feeds an iguana. He tells his mother via phone he is quitting pre-med, wants to continue working in pet store.

Middle: Earthquake.

End: Jabe falls in front of a moving crevasse.

INT. PET STORE – DAY

Jabe (20’s), a gentle giant, places several lettuce leaves into an iguana’s glass cage.

The STORE MANAGER (40’s) yells across the store.

STORE MANAGER

Jabe!

He lifts the phone, signals for Jabe to answer it.

Jabe moves to answer the phone.

STORE MANAGER

You know who. Again.

He hands Jabe the phone.

STORE MANAGER

Resolve it, man. No more of this at work.

Jabe nods, takes the receiver.

JABE

Hi, mom.

(a beat)

I know. I know. I know. I’m not dad, mom. I know.

(a beat)

OK, here goes.

Jabe takes a deep breath.

JABE

I don’t want to be a doctor. I’m not going back to my pre-med classes. OK? I like my job as a veterinary assistant.

At this the Store Manager lifts his eyebrows, smirks.

Jabe catches his look, gives an embarrassed shrug, focuses once more on the phone.

JABE

I know. I know. I know. OK, we’ll talk about it later. Love you, mom.

Jabe sighs, hangs up the phone.

LOW RUMBLE

The building begins to shake.

SPLAT!

A ceiling tile hits the ground.

SCREAMS!

CUSTOMERS scream, run for the exits.

Jabe reaches out to steady the snake display. A sudden jolt and he loses his grip. The display, falls, crashes. A snake slithers free.

JABE yells as he runs from the store, more from fear of the snake than the earthquake.

EXT. PET STORE – DAY

The store facing crumbles.

Jabe hops over fallen bricks…

…dodges the pet store sign as it falls…

…runs into the street.

SCREECH!

Car brakes warn Jabe. He jumps aside as a car veers towards him.

WAILS

The sidewalk and street are covered with shocked PEOPLE, crying over discovered wounds. The quaking has stopped.

Jabe looks around, frozen.

SPLAT!

A chunk of plaster falls behind Jabe. He jumps, moves away from the building.

RUMBLE!

The quaking begins again. Jabe runs back to the street.

Jabe struggles to keep his footing.

CRACKLE

The road splits, widens as a crevasse lengthens, moves directly towards Jabe.

He turns, attempts to run, trips, falls directly into the path of the crevasse.

EXT. OTHER WORLD – BEACH – DAY

Jabe is face down, motionless in the sand.

Jabe lifts his head, spits out sand. The sound of ocean waves catches his attention.

He turns to see an expanse of water, waves gently lapping the shore.

JABE

What??

RUSTLE

His attention is redirected to a baby iguana lizard moving through the sand. Jabe instinctively jerks away, only to see 5 more lizards running past him.

He jumps up.

JABE

AHHH!

He brushes off a lizard crawling up his pants leg. Lifts his head to see a snake in the distance, body twisted around a struggling baby iguana.

He watches as a group of 5 or 6 snakes lift their heads, search the beach.

A baby lizard pokes his head up through the sand. Eyes blink.

A snake slithers slowly towards Jabe and the lizard. Jabe backs up, watches in horror, shakes in fear as he avoids the darting lizards.

The baby lizard scurries, three snakes take off in pursuit. They capture the lizard, all their bodies entwined into a rolling, twisting mass of snake.

Another baby lizard pokes his head up.

JABE

Run!

The lizard slowly moves up the beach.

JABE

RUN!!!

The snakes move closer to the baby lizard.

Jabe shudders, leans down, and after several attempts, catches the lizard by the tail.

Jabe runs with the flailing lizard, away from the snakes, jumping over fleeing lizards.

He reaches a rock, sets the iguana down, jumps up on top of the rock, breathes heavily.

JABE

(mutters)

Gotta hit the gym.

He sits on the rock to rest, looks out at the ocean.

JABE

Not real. Not real. Not real.

Jabe hits the side of his head several times, blinks rapidly. He opens one eye.

The ocean is still there. So are the fleeing lizards…

…and the snake slithering up the rocks!

He jumps up, climbs up the rocky face of a bluff…

CHARACTER INTRO: ALO (Mentor)

Beginning: Jabe moves up a rock, only to be confronted by Dorek Men and Alo (Counselor of the Dorek).

Middle: The Dorek men pull a weapon on Jabe.

End: Alo reassures Jabe

EXT. ROCKY BLUFF – DAY – SAME

…only to come face to face with the blinking eyes of four iguana, resting on the top of a rock. His head jerks back, they watch each other for beat.

JABE

(nervous)

Move over, guys.

Jabe pulls himself up as the lizards scatter. One more rock to go and he will be at the top.

Jabe’s fingers grasp the top ledge of rock. He finds a foothold for a foot, pushes himself up, peers over the ledge only to see…

…three DOREK MEN frowning down at him. A shimmering aura surrounds them.

Jabe freezes, inspects the men.

JABE

Tell me this isn’t heaven.

The white-haired oldest of the three, ALO, a man who wears kindness and wisdom like a coat, shakes his head and reaches out a hand to help Jabe up.

ALO

A Hedeon on the beach at birthing? A dare, perhaps?

All the Dorek are trim, not over 5’9″ in height. As Jabe stands, his tall frame towers over them.

A purple aura surrounds Jabe. He tries unsuccessfully to brush the purple away.

His aura, along with his threatening size, put the Dorek men ill at ease. Jabe notices their discomfort. He shrugs, gives a nervous laugh, lifts empty hands.

JABE

Heh, just think of me as Barney.

The two Dorek men pull out odd-shaped guns.

Jabe’s aura instantly turns from purple to a pale yellow.

Alo motions for the Dorek Men to put their weapons down.

ALO

Don’t be afraid, we mean you no harm.

CHARACTER INTRO: IMARA (Jabe’s change agent)

Beginning: Jabe tries to find the way home.

Middle: Jabe asks why she is “purple” and not like the others (Everyone else in the room has a pearly iridescent aura).

End: Alo states rejecting the Orb marks them for death.

INTERIOR – ALO’S HOME – DAY

Jabe sits at a table with the Dorek men, rubs his temple, clearly ill at ease.

Alo hands him a square box. The box is filled with liquid and has a smooth half-moon raised edge on one side. Jabe inspects it, smells it.

Alo sips his, placing his lips on the raised edge. Nods for Jabe to drink.

Jabe takes a small sip. Coughs.

JABE

Thanks. Er, what is this?

Alo looks confused at the question.

ALO

Galena? You’ve never had need of it?

JABE

No, I… I…

Jabe breaks down, his aura changing from purple to yellow to gray.

ALO

What is it, son?

Jabe sobs out an answer.

JABE

I don’t know what Galena is, I don’t know who the Dorek or the Hedeon are. I don’t know why I turn purple, or yellow, or gray. I just want to go home.

Alo rests his hand on Jabe’s shoulder.

ALO

Where is home, son?

Jabe looks up, hopeful.

JABE

Whittier.

Alo cocks his head, questioning.

JABE

Whittier, California.

Alo shakes his head “no.”

JABE

L.A.?

Alo doesn’t respond.

JABE

Los Angeles?

(a beat)

Come on, everyone knows about Los Angeles.

(a beat)

Everyone?

Alo responds slowly.

ALO

This Los Angeles place is not known here. I would help you go wherever you need to go, but I could not point the way.

Jabe speaks through his tears.

JABE

Let’s start with this, then. Galena?

Jabe holds his cup up.

ALO

A calming agent.

Jabe chugs down his drink as Imara (20’s) enters. Her purple aura matches Jabe’s after his drink.

She starts at the sight of what she thinks is a Hedeon man, her aura turns red and she slams the plate of food she carries down on the table. Her biting tongue reflects her fighting spirit. She turns an accusing eye on Alo.

IMARA

I will not go back with him! Your promises are like water on a hot day!

Alo rushes to reassure her.

ALO,

Imara, he is not Hedeon.

Jabe lifts his hands in surrender.

JABE

Not Hedeon. Not me. I don’t know what you would call me.

Imara spits her answer.

IMARA

Not welcome. No purple is welcome.

Alo clears his throat, replies gently.

ALO

Imara. All purple are welcome here. It is our greatest hope that they would all learn of and accept the Orb, as I hope you will one day.

Imara stares at Jabe.

Jabe breaks the silence.

JABE

So why are you purple?

Imara looks at Alo, confused.

ALO

We are all born that way. Weren’t you always purple?

JABE

Not until I got here, wherever here is.

Jabe addresses Imara.

JABE

Have you ever heard of Los Angeles?

Imara doesn’t speak, just shakes her head “no.”

JABE

OK then, who can tell me why people keep changing colors?

Alo smiles.

ALO

True Dorek never change. Only the Hedeon, and you apparently.

JABE

I thought you said everyone was born purple? How do you get to be a Dorek? Imara is here, why is she still purple?

Imara is tired of this dense man.

IMARA

I haven’t seen the Orb.

Jabe is overwhelmed by another wrinkle. He hums the theme song from twilight zone.

JABE

Do do do do. Do do do do.

Imara looks at him as if he is crazy.

JABE

Just saying, I mean, humming.

Jabe tries to redirect, notices the plate of food.

JABE

So, what’s for dinner?

IMARA

What do you think? Its birthing day. We are having snake.

Jabe looks as if he wished he had never asked.

JABE

Ok, then.

Alo nods to the empty chair.

ALO

Take a seat, Imara. We will eat.

Imara dishes out the snake to Alo, herself, and then Jabe.

Jabe would rather talk than eat.

JABE

So, what is this Orb thing?

Alo swallows his bite.

ALO

That is a discussion better left when not eating. Suffice it to say, those who reject the Orb are marked for death.

CHARACTER INTRO: ARMANN (Antagonist)

EXT. HEDEON SECTOR – PLAZA – DAY

Beginning: Armann tells the Hedeon men (all with purple aura) that the Dorek are out to destroy their children.

Middle: The Orb appears to Armann.

End: Armann shares a plan for controlling the Dorek.

EXT. HEDEON SECTOR – PLAZA – DAY

The leader of the Hedeon, Armann (40’s), a narcissistic commanding presence, speaks to a group of Hedeon Men in the plaza of the Hedeon sector of town. His aura is red.

ARMANN

My own son asks about the Orb! The Dorek are growing too bold!

As the men agree with Armann, their aura turns from purple to red. AKUJI, the darkest red of the men, speaks out.

AKUJI

Why do you still try to maintain peace?

Armann faces Akuji, it is clear he dislikes the man.

ARMANN

You question me? Peace is what they call it. We call it co-existing. They bring valuable supplies, trade what we need in the market place! This is not about eliminating an enemy; it is about controlling them. We take the benefits, they follow our rules.

Akuji is brave but not wise.

AKUJI

They will never follow our rules.

Armann’s red color intensifies.

ARMANN

Speak again and I will do to you what you wish I did to them. Foolish man!

Akuji nods, backs away. A TIMID HEDEON man raises his hand. Armann nods in his direction.

TIMID HEDEON

What is it we should do?

ARMANN

Show them the truth. Intimidate them until they learn.

An energy ball of light floats down from the sky towards Armann. The men gasp, step back.

Armann ignores the ball of light.

ARMANN

It is nothing! It means nothing!!

The ball disappears.

ARMANN

You see? It holds no power over anyone!

Armann signals for the men to draw close.

ARMANN

This is what we will do…

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Sheet Draft Two

What I learned: Clarifying the theme helps focus the scenes so that the purpose of the script is fulfilled.

Theme: Spiritual battles require action (We can’t ignore the snakes chasing our children).

Act 1 – pages 1-25, set up and see the Old Ways

1. EXT. WHITTIER – DEPARTMENT STORE – DAY

Opening: An earthquake in Whittier, CA. Jabe runs from a building as its facing crumbles. He hops over fallen bricks, tries to get away from the building. He struggles to keep his footing, jumps aside as a car veers towards him. He stumbles. A crack in the road widens, moves towards him.

2. EXT. OTHER WORLD – BEACH – DAY

Inciting Incident: Wakes up in another world, lizards run by him. He screams, brushes the lizards away. Sees the horde of lizards are being chased by snakes. Saves a lizard from a snake. (Chase/Pursuit) Pulls himself to safety onto a large rock. (This scene should represent the meaning of the movie: He saves the Dorek from the Hedeon, moving to the safety of a large rock, Masada).

3. EXT. ROCKY BLUFF – DAY

Jabe moves up a rock, only to be confronted by Dorek men and Alo (Counselor of the Dorek). The Dorek are trim, petite in size, versus Jabe’s tall, overweight appearance. The appear unthreatening until they pull out unique weapon on Jabe. They motion for him to come up. Jabe has a yellow aura, jokes about the iridescent aura surrounding Alo. Alo motions for the men to put their weapons down. Jabe tries to brush off his own purple aura, jokes about looking like Barney. Alo tells him not to be afraid, but he denies his fear with a joke.

4. EXT. TOWN SIDEWALK – DAY

Jabe asks the way “home” and realizes he is in a foreign place. Alo invites Jabe to his home in the Dorek sector. States he will have to choose between the Hedeon and the Dorek, but he will be more at home with the Hedeon, since he is purple. Alo says, “Thinking you can remain undecided is an illusion of the mind. Not choosing is to be. No choice is a choice.” Jabe stays with Alo, afraid of the unknown.

5. INTERIOR – ALO’S HOME – DAY

Imara, a woman with a purple aura, serves dinner. Jabe asks why she is “purple” and not like the others (Everyone else in the room has a pearly iridescent aura). She answers, “We are all born that way. I have not seen the Orb.” Jabe jokes about “seeing things” and “is this another no choice is a choice moment?” Alo threatens that he many only see the Orb once, rejecting it marks them for death.

Motivation: Jabe sees the conflict between the Hedeon and Dorek. If he can keep the peace, it ensures his survival.

6. EXT. HEDEON SECTOR – PLAZA – DAY

Armann tells the Hedeon men (all with purple aura) that the Dorek are out to destroy their children, filling their minds with stories of the power of the ORB. As Armann speaks, his aura turns red and the men he speaks with turn red as well. A ball of light floats in front of Armann. The men wait to see how Armann will react. He tells the men to start fights with the Dorek, purposely kill them to intimidate them. The Orb disappears as Armann and his men leave to engage with the Dorek.

7. EXT. TOWN – DAY

In town, Jabe watches as Armann (red aura) picks on an innocent Dorek man, kills him in what appears falsely to be a justified attack. Jabe’s aura turns yellow, he freezes, does nothing to help. Armann turns towards Jabe. A Dorek man grabs his arm, moves him away from the scene.

8. EXT. TOWN – SAME – DAY

Armann moves down the street and taunts other Dorek who run in fear.

9. EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN – DAY

TE#1 On his way back to Alo, The Dorek man who pulled Jabe away is attacked by AKUJI, a small

man with a dark red aura. Jabe stops, towers over the Hedeon man, steps in between the two

and says, Can’t we all get along?” The Hedeon man is much smaller than Jabe and decides not to

fight This giant of a man. Jabe picks up the wounded Dorek man, takes him to Alo.

10. EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN – DAY

A Hedeon man sees Jabe carrying the Dorek man, warns him to leave the Dorek and join the Hedeon. He seems to be a kind man, but his aura turns yellow when he speaks of Armann’s power. He threatens Jabe, saying Armann cannot tolerate Hedeon who sympathize with the Dorek and encourages Jabe not to align himself with the rebellious cult, run from the Orb.

11. EXT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

Imara’s aura is red as she talks with Jabe. She spews her hatred of the Hedeon. Jabe tries to help her move on, and Imara turns purple as she reveals she is tired of dwelling on her hate, she states she trusts the Dorek and Taaba. Jabe tells her she can trust him, he will take care of her as he would his own sister.

12. INT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

A glowing ball of light (Orb) floats towards Imara. She reaches out, pulls it to her chest, her aura changes to a nacreous glow. Jabe secretly watches, then confronts Imara once he sees her aura changes. Jabe learns that once you touch the Orb and pull it towards you, your aura changes to nacreous and you will never be purple again. She warns him not to refuse the Orb.

Turning point:

13. INT. ARMANN’S HOME – DAY

Grigo (7) asks Armann about his mother. He tells him she lives in the Dorek sector, tells him he will send a message asking her to visit. An exuberant Grigo hugs his father.

14. INT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

TE #2 Time is up. Alo receives Armann’s letter stating all purple must be returned to the Hedeon tribe or else they will be sought out and killed. Alo gives Jabe the choice to stay with the Dorek or leave and join the Hedeon. Jabe wants to stay with the Dorek and lay low. Jabe turns red as Alo accuses him of only thinking of himself, to not make a decision that would better himself. Jabe replies that Alo is “not his mother” and stalks off.

Act 2 – pages 25- 45 Challenge the Old Ways

New Plan:

15. EXT. HEDEON SECTOR – DAY

Jabe leaves the Dorek to meet with the Hedeon (a tribe with a purple aura). Since he is of purple aura himself, he is accepted and arranges to meet with Armann. The man who warned him earlier reminds him to not express sympathy for the Dorek. In the background, Akuji, the man who Jabe stopped from killing the Dorek smolders with hate, a deep red aura.

Plan in Action:

16. EXT. ARMANN’S HOME – PATIO – DAY

Jabe meets Armann and is introduced to his son Grigo (Imara’s 9 yr old son). Grigo sees that Jabe is purple and asks if he knows of Imara and if she is still purple. Jabe jokingly says she is his “little sister” and says “not anymore.” This angers Armann who turns green while Jabe talks. Armann tells Grigo that his mother’s aura doesn’t matter, Grigo will never see her again. Armann tells Grigo to stay outside while he motions Jabe to go inside with him. Grigo stays but calls out after Armann. Grigo’s aura turns grey as he begs his father to let his mother come.

17. INT. ARMANN’S HOME – DAY

Akuji whispers into Arman’s ear. Armann turns to Jabe, gives him a choice – stay with the Hedeon as Armann’s body guard or be killed as an example to the Dorek. Jabe refuses to answer. Armann orders his man to place Jabe in a guarded room to think about his answer.

18. INT. ARMANN’S HOME – BEDROOM – DAY

TE #3 Jabe escapes through a window (barely fits and jokes about his morning donuts), making himself Armann’s enemy. (Obstacle)

Midpoint

Turning point:

19. INT. TEMPLE – DAY

TE #4 Alo speaks to the Dorek in the temple of “Taaba” and his expectations of the Dorek. Jabe arrives, is taken by the peaceful way of Taaba and so when the Orb floats towards him, he accepts the Orb and loses his purple aura.

20. EXT. TOWN – DAY

TE #4 The man who Jabe learns from the Orb and stands up to the Hedeon in the street.

21. INT. ARMANN’S HOME – DAY

When Armann realizes the Dorek has “turned” Jabe, he burns the temple and vows to kill all of the Dorek so that none of the Hedeon will come under the influence of the Orb.

Act 3 – pages 45-65 With the Midpoint change, the Old Ways are dropping off and profound moments give us the New Ways

Rethink plan:

22. ALO’S HOME – DAY

TE #6 After discussing the situation with Imara, Jabe comes up with an idea and influences Alo to leave the city and take the Dorek to Masada.

New Plan:

23. EXT. FOOTHILLS – MASADA – NIGHT

A few Hedeon guard Masada. The Dorek wait until dark and a few brave men sneak up the snake path to kill the Hedeon. Jabe refuses to kill and stays behind.

24. EXT. FOOTHILLS – MASADA – NIGHT – SAME

The Dorek men are successful and give the signal for the rest to come up the mountain.

25. EXT. MASADA – DAY

The Dorek settle into Masada, celebrate their escape. A few purple among them accept the Orb in the excitement of the moment.

26. EXT. HEDEON SECTOR – DAY

Armann stirs up his tribe, they plan the attack on Masada.

Turning pt/huge failure:

27. EXT. MASADA – DAY

Armann has his men build a wall around Masada. The Dorek pray.

28. EXT. FOOTHILLS MASADA – DAY

The Hedeon attempt to enter Masada by the snake path but the few Dorek hold them at bay.

29. EXT. HEDEON CAMP – DAY

Armann tells the Hedeon they must build a ramp and take the fortress. “We can ignore the threat and see our children fall to their deceit or we can fight and kill the insidious cancer that eats at our society, and captures the minds of our own.”

30. EXT. MASADA FORTRESS – DAY

The Hedeon build the ramp as the Dorek watch from the walls. Alo assures them Taaba is with them, they are protected.

31. EXT. HEDEON CAMP – DAY

Armann calls for the men to move their siege tower up the ramp.

32. EXT. MASADA FORTRESS – MORNING

TE #7 The Hedeon are close to breaching the walls. (Escalation) A few Dorek try to escape down the snake path to the East and are killed by the Romans. Alo posts a guard to keep the Dorek from leaving. The Hedeon breach the first wall. Set fire to the second wall, wait until the next day to attack.

33. INT. MASADA MEETING PLACE – Day

TE #8 Alo gathers the men and gives an impassioned speech, “We can surrender, we can fight, or we can die free men.” The Dorek form a suicide plan and want Jabe to assist them (Overwhelming Odds). Jabe: “Die or Die? I’ll take my mind’s illusion.”

Act 4 – pages 65-90 Test the change in this character! Prove New Ways!

Climax:

34. EXT. MASADA – DAY

TE #9 Jabe realizes the Dorek must survive to save future generations from remaining “purple”. He plans with Imara to escape so she can find and help Grigo and the other children. (New Plan) A Dorek man hears them and tells Alo.

35. TE #10 Alo confronts Jabe. Jabe tells him he is not of this world, and the Orb has not given him peace to surrender his life. He will fight for Taaba, with the Orb’s strength, even if he is the only one.

36. INT. MASADA MEETING PLACE – DAY

The Dorek cast lots to see who will take the lives of their own. Dorek kill Dorek. Jabe hides Imara.

37. EXT. MASADA – NIGHT

Jabe fights (need unique fight), fends off the Hedeon at the risk of his own life while Imara escapes down the snake path to freedom.

Resolution:

38. EXT. MASADA – DAY

Jabe returns to the ramp, falls off the mountain fighting with Armann (Full out attack). (Need unique fight) (Jabe and Armann fall together.)

39. EXT. WHITTIER – STREET

TE # 11 Jabe lands back in his own world. Sees the same auras as the world he left. Realizes he cannot stay neutral in this fight. He must help those with a purple aura find a better way.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Beat Sheet

What I learned doing this assignment: Thinking about the TE’s and structure helped me see gaps in the story.

Masada Moments – Beat Sheet

Act 1 – pages 1-25, set up and see the Old Ways

1. EXT. WHITTIER – DEPARTMENT STORE – DAY

Opening: An earthquake in Whittier, CA. Jabe runs from a building as its facing crumbles. He hops over fallen bricks, trying to get away from the building. He struggles to keep his footing, jumps aside as a car veers towards him. He stumbles. A crack in the road widens, comes towards him.

2. EXT. OTHER WORLD – BEACH – DAY

Inciting Incident: Wakes up in another world, runs with a horde of lizards, chased by snakes. Saves a lizard from a snake. (Chase/Pursuit)

3. EXT. ROCKY BLUFF – DAY

Alo (Counselor of the Dorek) meets Jabe, introduces him to several Dorek, all who are trim, petite in size versus Jabe’s tall, overweight appearance. Notes the iridescent aura surrounding Alo. Jabe tries to brush off his own purple aura, jokes about looking like Barney. His aura turns yellow. Alo tells him not to be afraid, but he denies his fear with a joke.

4. EXT. TOWN SIDEWALK – DAY

Jabe asks the way “home” and realizes he does not know where he is. Alo invites Jabe to his home in the Dorek sector. States he will have to choose between the Hedeon and the Dorek. “Thinking you can remain undecided is an illusion of the mind. Not choosing is to be. No choice is a choice.”

5. INTERIOR – ALO’S HOME – DAY

Imara, a woman with a purple aura, serves dinner. Jabe asks why she is “purple” and not like the others (Everyone else in the room has a pearly iridescent aura). She answers, “We are all born that way. I have not seen the Orb.” Jabe jokes about “seeing things” and “is this another no choice is a choice moment?”

Motivation: Jabe sees the conflict between the Hedeon and Dorek. If he can keep the peace, it ensures his survival.

6. EXT. HEDEON SECTOR – PLAZA – DAY

Armann tells the Hedeon men to start fights with the Dorek, purposely kill them to intimidate them. All the men have the purple aura. As Armann speaks, his aura turns red.

7. EXT. TOWN – DAY

In town, Jabe watches as Armann (red aura) picks on an innocent Dorek man, kills him in what appears falsely to be a justified attack. Jabe’s aura turns yellow, he freezes, does nothing to help.

8. EXT. TOWN – SAME – DAY

Armann moves down the street and taunts other Dorek who run in fear.

9. EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN – DAY

TE#1 On his way back to Alo, Jabe finds a Hedeon fighting a Dorek. The man’s aura turns dark red

as he strikes the Dorek. Jabe stops, towers over the Hedeon man, says, “Can’t we all get along?”

The man is much smaller than Jabe and decides not to fight this giant of a man. Jabe picks up the

wounded man, takes him to Alo.

10. EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN – DAY

A Hedeon man sees Jabe carrying the man, warns him to leave the Dorek and join the Hedeon. He seems to be a kind man, but his aura turns yellow when he speaks of Armann’s power.

11. EXT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

Imara’s aura is red as she talks with Jabe. She spews her hatred of the Hedeon. Jabe tries to help her move on, and Imara turns purple as she states she trusts the Dorek and Taaba.

12. INT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

A glowing ball of light (Orb) floats towards her. She reaches out, pulls it to her chest, her aura changes to a nacreous glow. Jabe learns that once you touch the Orb and pull it towards you, your aura changes to nacreous and you will never be purple again.

Turning point:

13. INT. ARMANN’S HOME – DAY

TE #2 Armann sends a letter to Alo stating all purple must be returned to the Hedeon tribe or else they will be sought out and killed.

14. INT. ALO’S HOME – DAY

Time is up. Alo receives Armann’s letter and gives Jabe the choice to stay with the Dorek or leave and join the Hedeon. Jabe wants to try and work it out with Armann. Jabe turns red as Alo accuses him of not being able to move from the status quo, to better himself, to make a decision.

Act 2 – pages 25- 45 Challenge the Old Ways

New Plan:

15. EXT. HEDEON SECTOR – DAY

Jabe leaves the Dorek to meet with the Hedeon (a tribe with a purple aura). Since he is of purple aura himself, he is accepted and attempts to negotiate. Jabe arranges to meet with Armann.

Plan in Action:

16. EXT. ARMANN’S HOME – PATIO – DAY

Jabe meets Armann and is introduced to his son Grigo (Imara’s 9 yr old son). Grigo sees that Jabe is purple and asks if he knows of Imara and if she is still purple. Jabe jokingly says she is his “little sister” and says “not anymore.” This angers Armann who turns green while Jabe talks. Armann tells Grigo her aura doesn’t matter, Grigo will never see her. Armann sends Grigo from the room.

17. INT. ARMANN’S HOME – DAY Armann gives Jabe a choice – stay with the Hedeon as Armann’s body guard or be killed as an example to the Dorek and puts Jabe in a guarded room to think about it.

18. INT. ARMANN’S HOME – BEDROOM – DAY

TE #3 Jabe escapes through a window (barely fits and jokes about his morning donuts), making himself Armann’s enemy. (Obstacle)

Midpoint

Turning point:

19. INT. TEMPLE – DAY

TE #4 Alo speaks to the Dorek in the temple of “Taaba” and his expectations of the Dorek. Jabe is taken by the peaceful way of Taaba and so when the Orb floats towards him, he accepts the Orb and loses his purple aura.

20. EXT. TOWN – DAY

TE #4 Jabe learns from the Orb and stands up to the Hedeon in the street.

21. INT. ARMANN’S HOME – DAY

When Armann realizes the Dorek has “turned” Jabe, he burns the temple and vows to kill all of the Dorek so that none of the Hedeon will come under the influence of the Orb.

Act 3 – pages 45-65 With the Midpoint change, the Old Ways are dropping off and profound moments give us the New Ways

Rethink plan:

22. ALO’S HOME – DAY

TE #6 After discussing the situation with Imara, Jabe comes up with an idea and influences Alo to leave the city and take the Dorek to Masada.

New Plan:

23. EXT. MASADA – DAY

The Dorek settle into Masada

24. EXT. HEDEON SECTOR – DAY

Armann stirs up his tribe, they plan the attack on Masada.

Turning pt/huge failure:

25. EXT. FOOTHILLS MASADA – DAY

The Hedeon attempt to enter Masada but the few Dorek hold them at bay.

26. EXT. FOOTHILLS – HEDEON CAMP – DAY

Armann tells the Hedeon they must build a ramp and take the fortress.

27. EXT. MASADA FORTRESS – DAY

The Hedeon build the ramp as the Dorek fight from the walls.

28. EXT. MASADA FORTRESS – MORNING

TE #7 The Hedeon are close to breaching the walls.(Escalation)

29. INT. MASADA MEETING PLACE – Day

The Dorek form a suicide plan and want Jabe to assist them (Overwhelming Odds). Jabe: “Die or Die? I’ll take my mind’s illusion” States he will fight the Hedeon, with or without the Dorek.

Act 4 – pages 65-90 Test the change in this character! Prove New Ways!

Climax:

30. EXT. MASADA – DAY

TE #8 Jabe realizes the Dorek must survive to save future generations from remaining “purple”. He plans with Imara to escape so she can find and help Grigo and the other children, at the cost of his own life. (new Plan)

31. INT. MASADA HOMES – DAY

Montage. The Dorek take their own lives, Jabe hides Imara.

32. EXT. MASADA – DAY

Jabe helps fend off the Hedeon while Imara escapes.

Resolution:

33. EXT. MASADA – DAY

Jabe falls off mountain fighting with Armann, (Full out attack). They fall together.

34. EXT. WHITTIER – STREET

TE #9 Jabe lands back in his own world. Sees the same auras (purple) as the world he left. Realizes he cannot stay neutral in this fight. He must help those with a purple aura find a better way.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Transformational Events

What I learned: planning the transformational events gives depth to the story.

Old Ways:

-Not a fighter, negotiates to keep peace

-Does not enjoy adventure, seeks the safety of the known

-Doesn’t believe he is an achiever so is afraid to try

-Jabe is a follower, not a leader

New Ways:

-A leader

-Encourages others to fight for what they believe in

-Willing to give his life for what he believes in

New Beats:

-Jabe freezes the first time he sees a Hedeon kill a Dorek, the second time, he intervenes to save a Dorek man

-Jabe tries to negotiate, when that fails he actively chooses to be Dorek and leave the Hedeon tribe

-Jabe leads the Dorek to safety instead of standing back and following

[Margaret]

Margaret’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

What I learned: the 4 act structure makes it easier to fill in the blanks

PROTAGONIST

Concept: After an earthquake, Jabe falls into another world, aligns himself with an alien clan, only to realize they are being targeted for destruction as he relives the Masada experience.

Main conflict: Jabe is in a spiritual and physical battle. His main conflict is to survive with the Dorek who are at war with the Hedeon.

Old Ways:

· Run

· Ignore the conflict

· Freeze – take no action

· Negotiate

New Ways:

· Plan

· Lead others to Action

· Fight

Act 1

· Opening: An earthquake in Whittier, CA. Jabe runs from a building as its facing crumbles. He hops over fallen bricks, trying to get away from the building. He struggles to keep his footing, jumps aside as a car veers towards him. He stumbles. A crack in the road widens, comes towards him.

· Inciting Incident: Wakes up in another world, runs with a horde of lizards, chased by snakes.

· Turning point: Given the choice between living with the Hedeon or the Dorek, Jabe chooses the Dorek.

Act 2

· New Plan: Jabe attempts to negotiate with Armann.

· Plan in Action: Jabe leaves the Dorek to meet with the Hedeon (a tribe with a purple aura). Since he is of purple aura himself, he is accepted and attempts to negotiate. He is faced with the choice to stay with the Hedeon or be killed as an example to the Dorek. He escapes the Hedeon, making himself Armann’s enemy.

Midpoint

· Turning point: Jabe returns to the Dorek and encounters the Orb at their temple. He accepts the Orb and loses his purple aura. When Armann realizes the Dorek has “turned” Jabe, he burns the temple and vows to kill all of the Dorek so that none of the Hedeon will come under the influence of the Orb.

Act 3

· Rethink plan: After discussing the situation with Imara, Jabe comes up with an idea to leave the city and influences Alo to take the Dorek to Masada.

· New Plan: Settle into Masada

· Turning pt/huge failure: The Hedeon are breaching the walls. The Dorek form a suicide plan

Act 4

Climax: Jabe realizes the Dorek must survive to save future generations from remaining “purple”. He plans and assists Imara to escape, at the cost of his own life.

Resolution: Jabe falls off mountain fighting with Armann, lands back in his own world. Sees the same auras (purple) as the world he left. Realizes he cannot stay neutral in this fight.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Character Interviews

What I learned from doing this lesson: Characters will talk if you listen. I was unaware of Imara’s background until I “spoke” with her.

Protagonist: Jabe

1. Tell me about yourself? I don’t know. I’m me. Get along with everybody. Or try to. Hard to get along with mom, guess I don’t meet her expectations. But yeah, all’s good.

2. Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you? Yeah, well, I’m not sure I was “called”. I’m no hero, never wanted to be a hero. To be honest, they picked the wrong guy.

3. You are up against Armann. What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you? The guy won’t give up. He doesn’t listen to anyone but himself. He is intent on destroying the Dorek. I don’t get it. Can’t we all just get along? He is one scary dude.

4. In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult? Funny, my mom asks me to go forth and achieve and that’s not me. But that’s what I will have to do, I guess. I’m not a planner, either. How can I keep everyone safe? If I can’t even change their minds from suicide, how am I supposed to help Imara escape? I’m not even in my world and I don’t know the rules here. I’m flexible, but this is stretching it big time.

5. What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of? I’m going to have to fight the Hedeon. I’m not a fighter. So I guess running away won’t be an option any more.

6. What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back? Fears? Getting killed! Hey, I just want to live in peace. Insecurities? Um, well, I’m not the hero type. I already said that, but it’s true. I don’t look like a hero, I’m fat, slow… In this world its worse. Everyone is petite and trim. I look and feel like an out of place giant, kind of like Shrek.

7. What skills, backgrounds or expertise makes you well suited to face this conflict or antagonist? I did take some pre-med classes – maybe I can help help those who get hurt? LOL. Seriously, I don’t have any skills. I guess I can be stubborn, though. When I need to be. Maybe that will get me through.

8. What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know? Hiding? Well, I can’t take it when people get angry. Especially at me. I just freeze. Can’t think of what to say or do. Makes me look like a dufus.

9. What do you think of Imara? Cute. Very cute. Yeah, I definitely don’t want to see her die. She’s got balls. Bigger than mine for sure. LOL I turn goofy when she’s around. What’s a guy to do?

10. Tell me your side of this whole conflict/story. To say I’m clueless sums it up. I end up in this strange place, different than everybody, stuck in a fight that’s not mine and I don’t want. I just want to get back to my life, my job – the animals, cleaning cages. Even back to my mom. LOL.

11. What does it do for your life if you succeed here? If I could succeed here? That will take a miracle! I guess I would look more at the spiritual side of my life, which I really have neglected. I mean, I go to church and all, but if Taaba gets me out of this one? Yeah, it would take a miracle. If he can do that miracle, I would want to stay on his good side for sure.

12. Ask any other question about their character profile that will help you. How do you plan to help Imara escape? Pray? LOL. I guess find a secret way off the mountain and then hold off the Hedeon until she makes it.

Antagonist/Change Agent: Armann

1. Tell me about yourself. I am the commander of the Hedeon. Respected. I make the decisions they are afraid to make,for all for them.

2. Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses? Strength? I can get them to follow any plan I come up with. Weaknesses? None that matter here.

3. Why are you committed to making the protagonist fail? Or why are you committed to making them change? They have to change or die! Why do they believe they can force their ideas on our children? Changing them forever? They are narrow-minded, wanting everyone to keep their mad up rules, they follow a being that doesn’t exist. This Taaba is a made-up line used by their leaders to control everyone. If they would stay in their lane, it would be ok, but they push their ideas on our weak-minded children and we lose them forever!

4. What do you get out of winning this fight/succeeding in your plan/taking down your competition? We can live the way we want, without the high-minded looking their noses down at us. Without the fear of losing our children.

5. What drives you toward your mission/agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death? The children, of course. My own children. My own grandchildren. They should have the freedom to live the way they want.

6. What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear/insecurity? My mother is Dorek. Not sure if she is still alive. I don’t want to have to kill her, if it comes to that. I also have seen their Orb, more than once. I think my mother is sending it to me. I keep pushing it away. I don’t want to ever get weak and accept it just so it will stop bothering me.

7. Compared to other people like you, what makes you special? I have a gift. I can speak to a group and convince them of anything.

8. What do you think of those who follow Taaba? They are deceived! Stupid followers!

9. Tell me your side of this conflict/story. I tried to convince the Dorek to leave us alone. Words didn’t work. I tried to convince them by burning their temple. Didn’t work. I gave them chance after chance. Nothing will work except annihilation of the Dorek. I don’t feel guilty about it. I can make the hard decisions for the good of the people. For the children.

Change Agent: Alo

1. Tell me about yourself. I am the spiritual guide for the Dorek. Guiding them to accept the Orb.

2. Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses? I’m not a warrior, but I can teach others to trust and rely on Taaba for strength. Weakness? I am easily offended. I know that and try to forgive others, but they are so insensitive. I tend to overlook details, too.

3. Why are you committed to making the protagonist fail? Or why are you committed to making them change? They need Taaba. They need the energy from the Orb to change them. Their own ways will only lead to their own destruction.

4. What do you get out of winning this fight/succeeding in your plan/taking down your competition? Peace. Life for the Dorek.

5. What drives you toward your mission/agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death? I have given my life to follow the Taaba, I have been touched by the Orb. I have no other choice.

6. What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear/insecurity?

I can’t accept compromise. People say they want to talk, but I really don’t listen. There is only one way, after all. Does it matter what they say? I will direct them to the right way. My fear is that they won’t listen and will join the Hedeon.

7. Compared to other people like you, what makes you special? I am Taaba’s voice for the people.

8. What do you think of Jabe? Giant of a man. Tender-hearted but indecisive. He needs to be pushed into the right way.

9. Tell me your side of this conflict/story. The Hedeon want us to change to be like them, but they are not pleasing Taaba. We can’t live with them, accept their culture.

Change Agent: Imara

1. Tell me about yourself. I am Hedeon. Or was until accepting the Orb. The Hedeon are self-centered and hurt others. I don’t want to live that way.

2. Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses? I’m a risk taker. Not afraid to move. Also, many can’t see what the Hedeon are doing. I can. I know them. My weaknesses – sometimes I do things without thinking them through.

3. Why are you committed to making the protagonist fail? Or why are you committed to making them change? Jabe is a great guy, he just needs to be Dorek. He also needs to be on one side or the other. He tries to straddle the street.

4. What do you get out of winning this fight/succeeding in your plan/taking down your competition? Live in peace! Not be subjected to the abuse of the Hedeon.

5. What drives you toward your mission/agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death? My own child is with the Hedeon. I need to tell them about the Orb.

6. What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear/insecurity? My secret? I have a child, by Armann when I was very young. He said I was too young to care for a child so he took him from me. I ran away to join the Dorek. I’m afraid my own child wouldn’t recognize me as his mother or listen to what I have to say.

7. Compared to other people like you, what makes you special? I know the Hedeon. I can find original ways to solve problems.

8. What do you think of Armann? He is a narcissistic leader. He talks big, but behind closed doors he criticizes everyone. Whatever he does, it is for his own good, not anyone else’s.

9. Tell me your side of this conflict/story. I don’t want to go back to Armann or to the Hedeon. I have accepted the Orb and they won’t accept me know that I am no longer “purple”. I’m afraid they would kill me.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Character Profile Part 2

What I learned doing this assignment: Thinking about their character traits/flaws/irony before writing will help keep dialogue honest for the character when writing. I decided to expand the assignment to the minor characters as well to see how they would interact with the leads.

Jabe:

What draws us to this character? We feel sorry for this underdog, trying to survive in an alien world. The gentle giant.

Traits: Nurturing, gentle, flexible

Subtext: Makes jokes to cover up his discomfort

Flaw: Freezes when attacked

Values: Peace, beauty, a practical environment

Irony: Wants peace but can’t stand up to injustice. He wants to remain in the background but his size (tall, overweight) calls him out in a world where everyone is petite.

What makes them the right character for this role? His need to keep the piece will force him to grow as he confronts injustice.

Armann:

What draws us to this character? His charisma

Traits: Strategic, effective organizer, long-range planner, ambitious

Subtext: The background of every action is focused on what will benefit him, manipulating others.

Flaw: Arrogant. Doesn’t consider or value others’ opinions.

Values: Efficiency, a team that follows

Irony: He talks team but every move is about him, for his benefit.

What makes them the right character for this role?

Alo:

What draws us to this character? His love of “Taaba” and concern for his people

Traits: Perfectionist, theoretical, compassionate

Subtext: He struggles to compromise but chooses to be silent instead of talking out the situation

Flaw: Overlooks the details,

Values: Spirituality, the ways of Taaba, peace

Irony: He wants spirituality and peace but he is easily offended

What makes them the right character for this role? His profound way of looking at the world through spiritual eyes

Imara:

What draws us to this character? She is bold, full of life and energy

Traits: Impulsive, risk-taker, practical

Subtext: She disguises her inability to recognize the sensitivity of others with her blunt honesty

Flaw: She has difficulty following direct orders so seizes the moment to do what she wants

Values: Finding original ways to solve problems

Irony: It was her plan to go to Masada and she spends the whole time there trying to escape

What makes them the right character for this role? Her bubbly energy is a good foil for Alo’s seriousness. Her lack of sensitivity constantly rubs Jabe the wrong way.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Character Profiles Part 1

What I learned doing this assignment: The protagonist doesn’t have to be the perfect hero

Protagonist role: Jabin (20’s) is a caring, laid-back man who would never be seen as the hero. As the story starts, he is a Runner – running from any threat or any commitment. He transforms at the end to the hero, making a way to save Hedeon’s children.

Antagonist role: Armann (50’s) is the leader of the Hedeon clan. He is a narcissist and threatened by the Dorek’s way of life and their influence on those around him. He is a PREDATOR, his mission is to annihilate the Dorek.

Other characters: Alo, A spiritual guide for the Dorek clan. Imara, a Hedeon who lives with the Dorek and commits to their ways.

Genre: Sci Fi Action

Jabin:

Role in Story: Antagonist

Age/Description: 20’s, overweight peacekeeper

Internal Journey: From laid-back peacekeeper to activist

External Journey: Initially seeking his way home to helping Imara escape

Motivation: Initially to return home, then to save Hedeon’s children

Wound: Pushy mother – wants him to be a doctor. He left pre-med because he was afraid he wouldn’t make it, became a pizza delivery man.

Mission/Agenda: Mission to survive, then save Hedeon’s children

Special: Caring peacekeeper, excellent negotiator

Alo-

Role: Protagonist

Age/Description: 50’s, fit, seasoned warrior

Internal Journey: Fearful of Dorek’s influence to seeking their annihilation

External Journey: Take over the Dorek’s fortress (Masada)

Motivation: Keep the current culture of narcissism without Dorek interference

Wound: He has had the Spirit Ball present itself many times, feels guilt/fear at rejecting it

Secret: His mother was a Dorek, he ran away as a teenager to join the Hedeon

What makes him special: He is a skilled warrior, motivating the clan to kill the Dorek

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment: Both the external and internal transformational change must be present

Who is your Hero and what is their Character Arc that represents a transformation? My hero (protagonist) is Jabin (20’s), a pleasantly plump man who makes it his mission to coast through life.

Internal Journey: From non-committed and peace-loving to actively involved in the saving of Hedeon’s children.<div>

External Journey: Needs to find his way home, to his previous comfort zone

3. What are the Old Ways and New Ways?

Old Ways:

– Does not actively work to make any self-improvements or seek better positions

-Not a fighter, will use his negotiation skills to keep the peace

-Does not enjoy adventure, seeks the safety of the known

-Doesn’t believe he is an achiever, so afraid to try

-Is a follower

New Ways:

-A leader

-Encourages others to fight for what they believe in

-Willing to give his life to save Hedeon’s children

</div>

[Margaret]

Margaret Silebi

Written 5 scripts

Want to learn how to write a script in 30 days

Unique about me: I am a Director of Nursing

[Margaret]

Margaret Silebi I agree with the terms in this release form.

[Margaret]

Hi David,

I have a faith-based drama if you are willing to exchange. silebi@hotmail.com. Margaret Silebi

[Margaret]

Michael, I sent you an email – I can exchange with you if you like. Margaret (silebi@hotmail.com)

[Margaret]

Glory,

I JUST NOW saw that you read and responded to my 10 pages! Thank you for your insightful feedback! I appreciate it very much. Sorry, it took so long for me to see it. Margaret

[Margaret]

I received feedback from another screenwriter. Thank you.

[Margaret]

I am way behind. I moved from Oregon to Arizona and couldn’t find time to write. Anyway, any chance you could provide feedback? I couldn’t get it to format correctly. if you want, I could send a formatted version to your email. Thank you for any help you can provide. Margaret

[Margaret]

Would you like to exchange? silebi@hotmail.com Margaret- I’ll send you an email.

[Margaret]

I would love to read yours! I responded to Jerry first so give me three days to respond to his feedback before sending mine to you. I’ll read Jerry’s tomorrow and can read yours Monday if you would like.

[Margaret]

Sure! I sent mine to you. 🙂

[Margaret]

Thanks for sharing!

[Margaret]

Hi Kimbal,

I have a SCI-FI drama called Echoes of Masada. If you would like to exchange, please email your outline to silebi@hotmail.com and I will send you mine. Thank you. Margaret

[Margaret]

Not letting me post my assignment so I am using this space to post.

Margaret’s Open Loops and Mysteries

What I learned: I had already built these in to my outline.

Main Mystery and Open Loops

Main Mystery = Will Jack get back to Earth?

Act 1: What is Jack’s father’s deception? Will Jack die?

Act 2: Where is Jack? Will he survive?

Act 3: Will Jack accept the role of a prophet? Will the Hedeon attack the Donek? Why is Imara angry with Jack?

Act 4: What is Taron’s relationship to Imara? Will Imara survive?

Act 5:

Main Open Loop= Will the Donek survive?

Act 1: What is the Orb (ball of light?)

Act 2: Why is Jack having visions of Masada?

Act 3: Who is Taaba? Who is Armann’s wife?

Act 4: Will Jack find a way back to Earth? Will Imara return to the Hedeon?

Act 5: Will Jack lead the Donek to commit suicide? Will the Donek find out he is an Earthling?

[Margaret]

Not letting me post my assignment by hitting “reply” so putting it here:

Margaret Stacks Intrigue

What I learned: How to get around not being able to post on a forum 🙂

ACT 1

Intrigue/Deception: When the camera is off, Jack’s father alludes to Jack having the perfect face for his scheme. He walks away laughing, leaving Jack confused.

Intrigue/Strange Behavior: The girlfriend is unexpectantly cold when Jack asks her to meet for lunch. Why?

Jack proposes to his girlfriend, only to face rejection due to his lack of ambition and his father’s tainted legacy/deception.

Intrigue/Deception: What is the deception the girlfriend is talking about?

Intrigue/Accusation: Jack’s girlfriend accuses Jack of embezzling the money with his father. Is Jack involved?

Turning Point: Rejected and emotionally shattered, Jack contemplates suicide as his relationship crumbles and his father’s deceit haunts him. He considers the Masada event may not have been such a bad choice and downs a bottle of pills.

ACT 2

Intrigue/Mystery: What looks like a stage light plays with his body – it is not unlike the “Orb” in the parallel world. What is this light?

Intrigue/Mystery: Onstage, Jack has a vision: the speech of Elazar Ben Yair at Masada saying, “Since we long ago resolved never to be servants to the Romans, nor to any other than to God Himself, who alone is the true and just Lord of mankind,…” He comes out it with the speech is echoed by his father, “we must be servants to God himself, who alone is the true and just Lord” and serve him with our money!

Intrigue/Intriguing World: Amidst the chaos of a sudden earthquake, Jack stumbles into a mysterious portal opened by an orb of light, hurtling him into an unfamiliar parallel world.

ACT 3

Intrigue/Hidden Layer: Alo questions Jack about his origin. Realizing he is neither Hedeon nor Donek, he assumes he is from Earth like himself. He does not reveal this to Jack but gives him his own cover story – he is from across the sea, a people who were thought to have died out in a plague that are more in tune with “Taaba” than the average man. Jack goes along saying he has a memory loss, not admitting he is an earthling or not knowing who “Taaba” is.

Intrigue/Strange Behavior: Jack has vision of Romans killing Jews. Alo questions him on his black out moment. When Jack shares the vision, Alo tells him of the cold war between the Donek and the Hedeon, but Alo is skeptical that Jack really had a vision.

Intrigue/Strange Behavior: Caught between suspicion and attraction, Imara struggles to trust Jack. She hides her attraction to him with anger at Alo for allowing a stranger with an unknown origin into the tribe. The attraction is not immediately evident, we are left wondering why she is so angry at Jack.

Intrigue/Deception/Secret: Imara secretly meets with Taron to learn the fate of her son, Grigo. Jack sees her meeting with a Hedeon and questions her. She tells him he sells a special medication she can’t get among the Donek, threatens him not to reveal the meeting.

Turning Point: Intrigue/Mystery: Jack has the vision of Romans attacking on the city streets with mob like behavior. Will this vision be echoed on this world? Will Jack speak up?

ACT 4

Intrigue/Strange Behavior: Should Alo promote Jack and his visions or would that lead to his own loss of power? Alo talks with a ball of light.

Intrigue/Conspiracy: Jack sees Alo meeting with Taron. Caught between truth and silence, Jack faces the moral quandary of confronting Alo’s clandestine meeting with Taron or maintaining the fragile peace.

Turning Point/Jack’s Turning Point 2: Jack heads towards the light Orb to investigate and discovers Imara being attacked by the murderous Hedeon, and risks his life to rescue her

ACT 5

Intrigue/Hidden Layer: When Jack kisses Imara, she backs off. He assumes it is because of Taron and she reveals he is her brother. She does not reveal she is married.

Intrigue/Hidden Layer:The revelation of Alo’s clandestine alliance with a Hedeon spy complicates his character, blurring the lines between loyalty and betrayal. Jack hints at seeing him with Taron, but Alo doesn’t get the hint since Jack thinks it is about medicine. He thinks he is talking about the Orb and refers to it confusing Jacke.

LOCK IN: As Jack is proclaimed a prophet among the Donek, he once again has the vision of the leader at Masada telling the people they must commit suicide.

[Margaret]

Hi!

I was intrigued with your concept from the first time I read it. Definitely interested. I sent you an email with my script. When you are ready, send yours. 🙂 Thanks!

[Margaret]

Lloyd, would you be willing to exchange with me? Margaret

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Lesson 11 Character Profiles

Jake

Protagonist: Link between Earth and an alien world, uniting warring tribes.

b. Echo Channeler: Taps into Masada’s echoes, shaping events on the alien planet.

c. Intriguing Doubt: Harbors self-doubt and guilt, questioning fitness for leadership.

d. Spiritual Struggle: Grapples with conflicting beliefs between Earth and the alien planet.

e. Unpredictable Leader: Wavers between desire for peace and temptation for personal gain.

f. Empathetic Vulnerability: Full of self-doubt and vulnerability, evoking empathy.

g. Cosmic Explorer: Seeks deeper truths behind Masada’s echoes, exploring intersections of faith.

h. Competitive Struggle: Competes with Alo and himself, proving worth and deciphering Masada.

i. Conspirator with Imara: Works with Imara to uncover hidden truths and protect Grigo.

j. Secret Earthling: Conceals true origin, desires to return to Earth, harbors a secret love.

k. Deceptive Narrative: Crafts a false narrative to maintain credibility, hides Earthling identity.

l. Betrayed Skeptic: Mistrusts religious leaders due to his father’s betrayal, wears a mask of skepticism.

m. Earthling Identity: Concealed from both tribes, a well-guarded secret.

n. Hope/Fear Dynamic: Hopes to unite tribes, fears revealing his Earthling identity.

o. Want/Need Motivation: Wants to unravel faith connections, needs trust and inner peace.

p. Confident Facade: Masks fear of betrayal with a confident and authoritative exterior.

q. Analytical Weakness: Over-analytical and hesitant in critical decisions.

r. Unity Threat Trigger: Direct threat to tribal unity triggers response.

s. Coping Through Analysis: Deep analysis, pros/cons dissection in coping with challenges.

——

Alo

Spiritual Mentor: Guides Donek spiritually, mentors Jake in alien faiths.

b. Spiritual Insight: Connects with Orb, interprets Masada’s echoes.

c. Doubt’s Burden: Carries hidden doubt about interpreting Masada, fears weakening faith.

d. Unpredictable Advocate: Champions peace but contemplates suicide for Donek’s greater good.

e. Inner Turmoil: Torn between peace and sacrifice, adding complexity.

f. Emotional Turmoil: Inner struggle over the suicide suggestion, sparking empathy.

g. Covert Peacemaker: Secretly plans peace talks, fears Donek’s misinterpretation.

h. Competing Leader: Competes with Jake for Donek’s trust, fears overshadowing.

i. Clandestine Alliance: Allies with Hedeon spy Theron for intelligence, covert negotiations.

j. Vision Doubts: Secretly doubts Masada’s source, fears faith erosion.

k. Masked Confidence: Deceives with unwavering faith, masks internal doubt.

l. Responsibility Weight: Past failure trauma, fears catastrophic missteps, seeks unwavering confidence.

m. Nomadic Past: Former Nomadic Tribe member, concealed identity adds intrigue.

n. Hope/Fear Dynamics: Hopes to guide Donek, fears leadership errors.

o. Confident Beacon: Wants unwavering leadership, needs to reconcile internal doubts.

p. Confident Facade: Hides lingering self-doubt behind unwavering confidence.

q. Lonely Burden: Bears responsibility alone, neglects well-being.

r. Ambiguous Echoes: Triggers anxiety when echoes are ambiguous.

s. Spiritual Coping: Turns to prayer and meditation for solace.

—-

Armann

Hedeon Commander: Leader with tactical brilliance, rivals Donek for dominance.

b. Strategic Mastery: Known for tactical brilliance, seeks Hedeon dominance.

c. Vulnerable Leader: Stoic exterior hides tragic past, rejected Donek God.

d. Moral Dilemma: Questions if victory at any cost justifies wartime conduct.

e. Unpredictable Stoic: Displays compassion, unexpected shifts, masking true motives.

f. Conflict of Faith: Struggles with rejecting Donek’s God, adding complexity.

g. Clandestine Intelligence: Secretly uses Imara for intel, manipulates estranged wife.

h. Power Struggles: Competes with Jake, Akuji, and Theron for leadership and loyalty.

i. Political Manipulation: Plots with Lyra, aims to consolidate power, undermine rivals.

j. Inner Fears: Conceals fear of cosmic reckoning, rejected Donek’s God.

k. Deceptive Facade: Masks vulnerability, projects confidence to maintain leadership.

l. Family Betrayal: Joined Hedeon after Donek family betrayal, fear of cosmic reckoning.

m. Hidden Origin: Born Donek, concealed due to family betrayal stigma.

n. Hope for Hedeon Victory: Hopes for triumph, fears downfall from rejection of Donek God.

o. Dominance and Acceptance: Wants Hedeon victory, needs reconciliation with cosmic fears and faith rejection.

p. Fearful Stoicism: Fears cosmic reckoning, stoic public facade.

q. Tunnel Vision: Fixated on Hedeon victory, struggles to see beyond.

r. Leadership Threat: Triggered by challenges or defeat threats.

s. Aggressive Coping: Confrontational stance, forcefully pushes back.

Imara

a. Cultural Mediator: Bridge between Hedeon and Donek cultures, aiding Jake’s understanding.

b. Strategic Counselor: Guides Jake in interpreting Masada events, helps Donek stay ahead.

c. Maternal Guilt: Imara, Armann’s wife, desires Grigo’s reunion, feels guilt about fleeing.

d. Faith Struggle: Raised Hedeon, conflicted with Donek faith, battles loyalty and maternal instincts.

e. Risk-Taking Mother: Will saving Grigo jeopardize the Donek? Balances personal and tribal interests.

f. Mother’s Longing: Imara empathizes, longs for reunion with son Grigo.

g. Protective Schemer: Quietly plans Grigo’s escape, fearing betrayal, seeks reconciliation with Armann.

h. Parental Competition: Competes with Armann for Grigo’s affection, loyalty, and influence.

i. Collaborative Schemer: Works with Jake to protect Grigo, uncover truths, navigate complexities.

j. Guilt and Attraction: Holds guilt for leaving Grigo, attracted to both Armann and Jake.

k. Regret and Pain: Left Grigo due to unjustified jealousy, copes with guilt and desire for redemption.

l. Skilled Negotiator: Hides her true feelings, adept at diplomatic negotiations.

m. Hopeful Reunion: Hopes for Grigo’s reunion, fears risks to the Donek.

n. Protective Motivation: Wants Grigo’s reunion, seeks redemption for leaving.

o. Composed Diplomat: Masks guilt with composed exterior in diplomatic roles.

p. Balancing Weakness: Struggles to balance personal desires with mediator role.

q. Maternal Triggers: Fears harm or danger to Grigo triggers protective instincts.

r. Escapist Coping: Seeks temporary escape, physical training to cope.

[Margaret]

Same for me!

[Margaret]

Thanks Julie!

[Margaret]

It has been awhile! Looking forward to this class with you. Margaret

[Margaret]

Thanks, Larry!

[Margaret]

Hi Larry, I think you were in either my ProSeries or MSC class. Looking forward to seeing your work! Margaret

[Margaret]

Hi Sara,

I’m in WIM 5. Not sure where you are at in WIM 4 but if you need feedback on anything specific, I am willing to help. 🙂 Margaret

[Margaret]

Hi, Vince! If you still need someone to review your script, I can exchange with you. Margaret

[Margaret]

Thank you! 🙂

[Margaret]

Lenore,

Are you ready to exchange scripts? Would you be willing to exchange with me? Margaret

[Margaret]

Lenore,

Are you ready to exchange scripts? Margaret

[Margaret]

Any chance you are ready to exchange for feedback (Lesson 5)?

Margaret

[Margaret]

Hi! Happy to see someone else post on Module 6! I can’t see anyone else’s post on lesson 1 – can you?

[Margaret]

Wonderful!! My email is silebi@hotmail.com. Where may I send my outline to you?

Thanks in advance for the exchange! Margaret

[Margaret]

Great start, Haley! You should be proud of getting this down – it is only going to get better from here! Margaret

[Margaret]

Paul,

Definitely going to be following this one! A.I. seems to be a hot topic but love the twist on the subject with the psychoanalysis/mental health of A.I. angle. Very creative! Margaret

[Margaret]

Paul,

Thank you for your encouragement! I appreciate the feedback. Margaret

[Margaret]

This is coming along nicely! So fun to watch you create this story!

[Margaret]

I missed something – who is Allison?

[Margaret]

Great ideas! Can’t wait to see how this develops!

[Margaret]

Hi! Dream Factory is a great title, unfortunately, many other writers think so too. There is currently a TV series in production with that title, a feature produced in 2017, and a short in 2019. Keep the brainstorming up! Here’s a start: Dream Sandwich, Chef of Dreams…

I’m confident you’ll find something great. Love your concept!

[Margaret]

Hi! My mother married again at 82 – I’ll have to follow this one! 😀

[Margaret]

Ha! Ha! So right – thanks for the catch! 🙂

[Margaret]

Hi Laurie,

I didn’t receive your script. Did you receive mine? Margaret

[Margaret]

Sunday works! I will finish it today. My email is silebi@hotmail.com. Looking forward to reading yours! Margaret

[Margaret]

Great! I’ll send it to you in a couple of hours. My email is silebi@hotmail.com. Looking forward to reading yours! Margaret

[Margaret]

Jeanne,

I am two days behind you but would love to exchange scripts. I have a Sci-Fi drama. Margaret

[Margaret]

I am two days behind you, but would love to exchange scripts. I have a sci-fi drama. Margaret

[Margaret]

Margaret’S Act 4 First Scenes

What I learned: I needed to make changes to my outline.

INT. EBBA MEETING PLACE – Day

TE #8 Alo gathers the men and gives an impassioned speech, “We can surrender, we can fight, or we can die free men.” The Donek form a suicide plan and want Jabe to assist them.

Beginning: Alo reveals his new plan

Middle: Jabe argues with Alo

End: The Donek ask Jabe to assist them

EXT. EBBA FORTRESS – WALL

TE #9 (Overwhelming Odds). Jabe: “Die or Die? I’ll take my mind’s illusion.” Jabe realizes the Donek must survive to save future generations from remaining “purple”. He plans with Imara to escape so she can find and help Grigo and the other children. (New Plan) A Donek man overhears them and tells Alo.

Beginning: Jabe discusses the plan with Imara

Middle: Jabe and Imara agree on Imara’s escape

End: A Donek overhears and goes to Alo

EXT. EBBA FORTRESS – MORNING

TE #7 The Hedeon are close to breaching the walls. (Escalation) A few Donek try to escape down the snake path to the East and are killed by the Romans. Alo posts a guard to keep the Donek from leaving. The Hedeon breach the first wall. Set fire to the second wall, wait until the next day to attack.

INT. EBBA MEETING PLACE – DAY

The Donek are gathered around Alo, including Jabe and Imara. The people looked grieved, many with tear-stained faces.

ALO

It is time to wipe our tears! Now is the time for action!

The people hurry to wipe their faces, murmur their hope that a plan finally has emerged.

PATIENT DONEK

We have waited, Alo. We are now ready to hear your plan.

Alo raises his hands to silence their murmurs.

ALO

Did we agree we would never be servants to the Hedeon? We are servants to no one but Taaba alone!

Hopeful, the people cheer their agreement with this statement. Once again, Alo lifts his hands to silence them.

ALO

We are now faced with this resolution. What we have said in words must be put into action! We are obliged to be true to ourselves, true to Taaba!

ANGRY DONEK WOMAN

We are ready! Ready to do whatever we need to do!

Alo ignores the Angry Donek Woman, continues his speech.

ALO

We have fled from the Hedeon, we have fought them. This is not a favor that Taaba has granted us, it was our duty to obey. And now, the power of the Orb is with us now to give us courage to do more than fight. We must die bravely, let us leave this world in freedom!

This pronouncement leaves the Donek stunned.

ALO

We will not allow them to capture us, we will not allow them to take our children into servitude.

Jabe steps up.

JABE

What are you saying, Alo? We will fight to the death?

ALO

We will not allow them that pleasure! We will steal their victory from them, become victorious ourselves with our deaths at our own hand.

The Angry Donek Woman chimes her agreement with this plan.

ANGRY DONEK WOMAN

Yes! Give them nothing. Let them find our corpses when they breach our walls.

The realization of what Alo is proposing hits the crowd. They shout their agreements with Alo’s plan. Jabe silences the crowd with his booming voice.

JABE

Heh! Heh!

The crowd silences, listens as Jabe turns to Alo, speaks to him gently.

JABE

We felt it was the will of Taaba to come to this place. The courage of the Orb has helped us fight, hold the line until this day. What you propose is not the will of Taaba, it is the coward’s way. It takes more courage to fight than to make a suicidal pact. What would be accomplished by killing the light shining before the Hedeon. If we die, who will show them the way.

Alo casts steely eyes on Jabe.

ALO

You have abdicated your place of leadership and you would take it back again? Who are you to question what is the will of Taaba? You are a new Donek, a babe compared to my year’s of walking in the will of Taaba. You have no wisdom, no say in this matter.

Jabe turns to the people.

JABE

Surely you see the error in Alo’s way of thinking?

The people do not reply to Jabe. The Patient Donek starts a chant, picked up by the Brave Donek.

PATIENT DONEK

Alo. Alo. Alo. Alo.

Alo silences the crowd. Turns to Jabe.

ALO

You will join us. You will help us accomplish this plan.

Climax:

EXT. EBBA FORTRESS – WALL – DAY

Jabe and Imara watch the siege tower as it slowly moves up the ramp. A Watchful Donek is at the wall, ten feet away. He pretends to not hear their conversation, but listens intently.

JABE

It will be here by nightfall.

IMARA

When will Alo’s plan begin?

JABE

After dinner. Once last meal and then the children will be put to bed. To sleep forever.

IMARA

I can’t leave Grigo to die without knowing.

Jabe turns to Imara.

JABE

No. You cannot. Just as I cannot kill innocents who trust in Alo.

Imara gasps.

IMARA

What? But Alo has decided…

JABE

I have my own decision to make. Die by Hedeon or die by my own hand.

Jabe scoffs.

JABE

Die or die.

IMARA

What will you do?

JABE

I will fight, even if I am the only one. I am not of this world, and will go to Taaba in his time, not mine. The Orb has given me peace to surrender my life, but I will fight the Hedeon to keep it for as long as Taaba wants me to live.

IMARA

I have no choice, I will die, too. By someone else’s hand, be it Donek or Hedeon.

Jabe grabs Imara’s arms.

JABE

No, Imara. You will not die. You must live, live for Grigo. I will hide you until Alo’s killing is over, then I will fight the Hedeon at the Snake Path so that you can leave in safety.

A new hope lights Imara’s face.

IMARA

Yes, that is what I must do. I must try to get to Grigo, tell him the truth of the Orb and of Taaba before I die.

JABE

It is settled, then. Let’s find you a hiding place.

The Watchful Donek leaves the wall, headed straight for Alo.

[Margaret]

Hi Eden! Looking forward to taking the class with you! Margaret

[Margaret]

Same to you! Thank you for the connection request!

[Margaret]

Hi Haley! Feel free to go into your profile and change your pic. LOL Also, after H.S. I started going by “Margaret”. The only ones who call me “Margie” is family (so feel free to call me that). 🙂

[Margaret]

Jeanne,

Today I copied my final draft and pasted it into a Word document. I pasted it from there to here. Not sure if you can past directly here or not. Margaret

[Margaret]

Suggest: Write it in Final Draft, save as PDF. Copy the PDF and place it here. 🙂

[Margaret]

Nice insight on your assignment! Glad you are changing up your opening scene, I think that will make it way more interesting.

[Margaret]

Jeanne,

Love the inner conflict and the theme! Nice! Is there a physical journey (besides getting back with Justin)? Having one more thing “to do” would make this even stronger. 🙂 Margaret

[Margaret]

Thank you, Jeanne! I started late so I didn’t think anyone would see the posts. I haven’t read anyone else’s. Now that I know someone is looking I’ll take a look 🙂