Stephen Maynard
Forum Replies Created
-
Lesson 29: Exchange Feedback
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Ready for Script Exchange Version 1
Are you ready for this?
-
Lesson 28: The Chronological Edit
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Chronological Edit
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Lots to do on my next rewrite. I worked on improving descriptions. Cut several words. I’m on to the next layer.
-
Subject line: Stephen
Maynard Solved Character Problems!“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” I am
aware that my two protagonists are similar, peas out of the same pod. Aware of
this I have given them subtle differences in language and motive but I see that
I must find other ways to distinguish them one from the other. -
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Solved Scene Problems!
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Well, now that I have my life’s work ahead of me, I shall proceed with applying this formula for solving my scene problems. Oh, boy!
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Solved Structural Problems
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” This is another one of Hal’s great techniques that can be employed in the reverse-engineering process when developing a screenplay. First, we identify the weaknesses in the screenplay’s structure, then we repair it. Or having learned the process, we put it into practice as we prepare our original outline.
THE STRUCTURE QUESTIONS <div>
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Act 1:
Opening/Old Ways: Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Do the “Old Ways” show up in their behavior and dialogue?
Inciting Incident: How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey?
Turning Point: How is this Turning Point a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?”
Act 1:
Opening/Old ways: Boys are frivolous, selfish, and
irresponsible, in it for themselves alone. They will go to college because
that’s where the girls are.
Inciting
Incident: Their Business class Professor Douglas issues “The Douglas Challenge”,
“Can you make money while benefiting someone else?”
Turning Point:
Their landlady gets a letter from the bank informing her that she has
defaulted on her loan and that her property is in foreclosure. <div>Act 2:
New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point?
Plan in action: How does the protagonist take action on that plan? They will sell stock and take the money to the Banker.
Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey?
Act 2:
New plan: The boys
will confront the Banker and inform him that the lady never took out a
loan against her property.
Plan in action:
They will reason with the banker and convince him that he’s made a
mistake.
Midpoint Turning
Point: The boys discover that the banker’s brother forged the lady’s
signature and took the loan on the old lady’s property. She’s been scammed
by the banker and his partner. </div><b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Act 3:
<div>
React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things?
New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict?
Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way.
Act 3:
Rethink their
approach to solving the problem: The way forward is to find the forger and
get him to confess. Dead end.
New plan: They
raise some money and use it in an attempt to pay off the banker, an
installment on the old lady’s loan only to be told that the foreclosure
will proceed. They’ve bought five lousy days.
Turning Point:
Huge failure / Major shift: Desperate and with the date of the foreclosure
sale approaching, they go to the track, bet, and win big. </div><div>Act 4:
Dilemma: What emotional dilemma requires the protagonist to choose between two alternatives, losing something with either choice?
Climax/Ultimate @xpression Of The Conflict: How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically?
Resolution: How does this resolution represent the “New Ways” and bring this story to a fitting conclusion?
New Ways: What are the New Ways and do they clearly show up in your lead character’s Act 4 behavior and dialogue?
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict: The boys catch the forger, the Banker and
Builder, and the Thugs in the act, capture them, make them confess, and
record the confession.Resolution: The
boys solve the DILEMMA by getting the banker and the builder to stop the
foreclosure proceedings and go straight. No need to expose the evil deeds
of the fathers to the daughters. Their chances with the girls are
improving.The new ways have
the boys dealing honestly with the girls and they will be getting serious
about school.
</div></div> -
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Fillled In Missing Scenes! What I learned doing this assignment is…? I learned that I have a lot of work to do after this class because there are many missing scenes.
Do a quick read of your script to pinpoint possible missing scenes. When you discover one, put a placeholder that you can return to.
For each missing scene, create a quick outline.
Write a high-speed first draft for the most important of those scenes.
Tell us what scenes you added and why.
Mexican Farmer rescues Stevie: This scene is necessary as it
unites Johnny and Stevie after they are separated and sets them on the path to
rescuing Chuey. <div>BEGINNING: A Farmer
picks up Johnny and takes him to Stevie stranded in the El Camino.MIDDLE: Farmer pulls El Camino from the ditch.
END: Farmer solves their problem when he tells the
boys he knows where the bad guys are.EXT. DIRT ROAD – NIGHT
Johnny, and an old MEXICAN FARMER cruse in a thrashed 1948 Ford F1 pickup. Johnny searches the darkness.
JOHNNY
There, it is.
The Farmer speeds up, pulls the Ford over, and positions it tailgate to tailgate with the El Camino stuck in the ditch.
Johnny spots Stevie on the ground, hurries over, and helps him up.
JOHNNY
You all right?
STEVIE
Just get me on my feet.
JOHNNY
You’re on your feet.
Stevie takes a step and wobbles into the Mexican Farmer.
The man guides him to the Ford and motions him toward the open passenger side door.
MEXICAN FARMER
Siéntate, siéntate.
Stevie sits in the Ford.
The Mexican Farmer brings out a chain from behind the seat, hooks up to the El Camino’s rear axle, and pulls the pickup out of the ditch.
Johnny goes and looks in at the window of the El Camino.
JOHNNY
Where’s Chuey?
Stevie gets out of the Ford, staggers over to the El Camino, and looks.
STEVIE
He got in the backpack when I… where’s the money?
JOHNNY
I took the money out of the backpack.
STEVIE
You got the money?
JOHNNY
Yeah, I stuffed it in the baby carrier and jumped.
STEVIE
So they got Chuey.
JOHNNY
Who?
STEVIE
The guys in the black Hummer. We got to find that
Hummer.
MEXICAN FARMER
Señor, I know where is a black Hummer.
JOHNNY
Where?
MEXICAN FARMER
En mi granero, Señor.
Thugs chase Stevie in the El Camino: In this scene, we see the
bumbling Thugs as they dognap Chuey and set themselves up for their reckoning with
their bosses and the boys.BEGINNING: Stevie at the wheel chased by the Thugs in the Hummer.
MIDDLE: Johnny bales with the money. Chuey hides in the empty backpack.
END: El Camino goes into a ditch, Thugs give Stevie
a beating and abscond with Chuey in the backpack.</div><div>EXT. RACETRACK PARKING LOT – NIGHT
They head for their ride. Stevie carries Chuey and Johnny with the backpack.
The El Camino exits the lot with Stevie at the wheel.
The Hummer falls in behind an SUV and follows at a distance.
EXT. ROAD – NIGHT
The El Camino speeds.
The Hummer follows behind.
INT. EL CAMINO – SAME
Johnny opens the backpack, takes out bundles, and packs them in the baby carrier.
JOHNNY
Slow as you turn. I’m gonna bale
with the goods.
Stevie
I’ll lose ‘em and come pick you up.
As the pickup turns onto a dirt road, Johnny opens the door and rolls out with the baby carrier.
Stevie reaches for the door and pulls it shut.
STEVIE
We’ll take ‘em on a merry chase, Chuey.
Stevie does some fancy driving, skidding into fast turns and kicking up dust, fishtailing around turns, and a J-turn that takes the El Camino in the opposite direction, throwing the backpack to the floorboard and Cheuy against the door.
STEVIE
Fasten your seat belt, Cheuy
Chuey jumps into the open backpack and ducks his head.
The Hummer looms in the rearview mirror. It accelerates and smashes into the rear of the pickup jolting it into the ditch.
EXT. DIRT ROAD – NIGHT
The three thugs leave the Hummer, go to the pickup, drag Stevie out, throw him to the ground, and kick and stomp him.
SHORT FAT THUG
Get the backpack, Skinny. Let’s get outta here.
PEAKED-LOOKING THUG
Come on, Gut. I didn’t get my licks in.
</div>
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Act 4 Resolution
What I learned doing this assignment is…?” This is the place to settle the Dilemma. By blackmailing the bad guys into good behavior, the boys resolve Pearl’s problem without having to expose the girls to what their naughty fathers have done.
Outline Key Scene 4.
BEGINNING: To rescue Chuey they must find the dognappers and confront them.
MIDDLE: The boys capture the bad guys with Chuey’s help.
END: The Boys force the bad guys to confess their
sins and vow to sin no more avoiding a nasty court appearance that would crush
the daughters.Write Key Scene 4: Resolution – Wrap it up and show us the “new normal.”
EXT. BARN – SAME
Stevie and Johnny stand on the roof of the Ford pickup’s cab. Stevie jumps to the hay carrier, climbs the rope, and enters the barn through the hay door.
INT. BARN – SAME
Johnny comes in through the hay door and stands in the loft looking around, assessing the situation.
He reaches up and slides a trolly on its rail, positioning the block and tackle above the five men.
Stevie looks down at Bradford and Gordon who stand side by side chastising the three thugs.
Chuey looks up at Stevie,
Stevie signals to Chuey and he runs to Gordon and puts a bite on his ankle.
Gordon lurches away from Chuey and into Bradford, who catches and steadies him.
Lasso nooses fall from above. One circles the three thugs and one circles Bradford and Gordon.
The nooses tighten around the man and they are hoisted kicking and wailing.
They take a ride via the hay trolly to the center of the barn where the five swaying men look down at their shoes, dangling ten feet above the barn floor.
Bradford
What the hell is this, Gut?
SHORT FAT THUG
Stop calling me Gut.
LATER
The five villains hang, feet dangling, shoes inches above the barn floor.
Johnny films, using his phone.
Stevie holds up a sheet of paper for Bradford and Gordon.
ON PHONE – LANDSCAPE MODE
The three Thugs hang wiggling and fidgeting.
Bradford and Gordon hang awkwardly, faces pressed against one another.
BRADFORD GORDON
I Bradford confess. I Gordon confess.
GORDON
We wanted to steal an old lady’s property.
BRADFORD
We caused the forging of a loan document.
BRADFORD
We have the document forger locked in my vault.
GORDON
We promise to destroy the fake loan document.
BRADFORD
We promise to free the forger and stop foreclosure
proceedings.
GORDON
We have been very bad men.
BRADFORD
And we will never again pay stupid thugs to
enforce our evil intentions.
GORDON
And we promise to be good men from now on
and you won’t ever show this video clip to the
Chronicle.
BRADFORD
Pretty please.
BACK TO SCENE
Johnny taps his phone sending the clip.
JOHNNY
Gentlemen your confession is safe and in
good hands.
Stevie reaches and cuts the rope holding the Thugs.
They tumble to the ground, untangle themselves, and immediately begin lashing out at each other with slaps and punches.
Stevie cuts the rope holding Bradford and Gordon. They hit the floor, remove their rope, glare at each other, and turn away.
STEVIE
Go and sin no more.
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Act 4 Climax
“What I
learned doing this assignment is…?” I learned the essentials of a Climax
and I practiced applying the essentials in a sequence to arrive at the
beginnings of a good climax.Outline Key Sequence 3.
BEGINNING: The Thugs think they’ve got the money but they have captured Chuey.
MIDDLE: The Boys must rescue Chuey.
END: Chuey and the boys capture the villains and their henchmen.
Write Key Scene 3: Climax – The Ultimate Expression of The Conflict.
INT. HUMMER – NIGHT
The vehicle enters a wooded area and slows.
PEAKED-LOOKING THUG
Come on, Gut. Let’s count the money and
take our cut before the boss sees how
much we got.
In the back seat, the other two thugs open the backpack and see only Chuey.
CHUEY
I didn’t know money could taste so good.
SHORT FAT THUG
Don’t let him out. And stop calling me Gut.
Tall Skinny zips the backpack shut.
CHUEY (OS)
Thank you very little.
INT. BARN – NIGHT
Bradford opens the backpack and sees Chuey.
TALL SKINNY THUG
The dog ate the money. He confessed.
Gordon slaps him.
GORDON
You idiot, dogs can’t talk. Where’s the money?
TALL SKINNY THUG
I’m telling you, boss. This dog can talk. Let’s cut
him open, we’ll find the money.
Gordon slaps him again.
GORDON
What have you done with the money?
SHORT FAT THUG
Make him talk, Boss. The dog ate all the friggin
money.
Bradford slaps the fat thug repeatedly.
BRADFORD
(to Fat Thug)
Listen to me, Gut. Get with your henchmen
and figure out where that money went.
Dogs don’t eat money.
GORDON
We’ll be back in thirty minutes. You have that
money here or mother gets a call.
SHORT FAT THUG
(whimpering)
We’ll find the money, Boss. Please don’t
tell mother.
INT. BARN – NIGHT
The three thugs stand bleary-eyed holding kitchen knives and looking down on Chuey who lies spreadeagle on a woden saddle stand.
Short Fat brandishes a knife in his left hand.
CHUEY
Not again.
Short Fat drains the last drop of Cognac from a bottle and tosses the empty to the floor. It hits the other empty Cognac bottle shattering both. He hands the knife to the tall skinny thug.
SHORT FAT THUG
We’ll go in through his back. Go ahead and
make the first cut there.
TALL SKINNY THUG
You moron, that‘s where the lungs are. The
money’s in his gut.
PEAKED-LOOKING THUG
So where exactly is the gut on a dog?
SHORT FAT THUG
How should I know? Just cut down the spine.
CHUEY
Come on, people. Be nice, and I’ll take
you to the loot at sun-up.
Short Fat cuts Chewey loose.
SHORT FAT THUG
Put him in the backpack.
LATER
Peaked pears out from the open hay door, idly fiddling with the hoisting pulley. He pulls on the pully rope, lowering the hay carrier to the ground.
Skinny unzips the backpack, takes Chuey out, and puts him on the floor.
TALL SKINNY THUG
Stretch those legs and get back in there.
At the hay door, Peaked notices moving headlights as a vehicle leaves the highway and heads toward the barn.
PEAKED-LOOKING THUG
They’re coming.
SHORT FAT THUG
Get down here. Open the door, Skinny.
Skinny staggers over, puts his back into it, and struggles the barn door open.
The Limozine rolls in.
Peaked descends on the loft ladder and goes and stands by Short Fat and Skinny.
SHORT FAT THUG
I told you to clean up that glass.
PEAKED-LOOKING THUG
Why do I always have to clean stuff up?
Gordon and Bradford leave the limousine and approach the bleary-eyed thugs.
BRADFORD
Have you idiots been drinking?
EXT. BARN – SAME
Stevie and Johnny climb the hay carrier rope and enter the barn through the hay door.
INT. BARN – SAME
Johnny looks around assessing the situation. He slides the trolly on the rail, positioning the block and tackle above the five men.
Stevie looks down at Bradford and Gordon who loudly chastise the three thugs.
Chuey looks up at Stevie, runs to Gordon, and puts a bite on his ankle.
Gordon lurches away from Chuey and into Bradford, who catches and steadies him.
Lasso nooses fall from above. One circles the three thugs and one circles Bradford and Gordon.
The nooses tighten around the man and they are hoisted kicking and wailing.
They take a ride via the hay trolly to the center of the barn where the five men look down at their shoes, dangling ten feet above the barn floor.
Bradford
What the hell is this, Gut?
SHORT FAT THUG
Stop calling me Gut.
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Act 4 First Scenes
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Having identified the DIMEMMA, I must now deal with inserting 1. the place where the boys see that they have a dilemma, 2. the place where they realize the consequences of their dilemma, and finally, the place where the boys come to grips and deal with their dilemma.
1. Outline Key Scene 1. Reaction to 3rd Act Turning Point.
BEGINNING: Pearl sees that her boys are utterly disillusioned and suffering with despair.
MIDDLE: In Pearl’s naivety she believes she can help her boys to become strong and good young men.
END: She dresses them in her father’s clothes. They regain their lost confidence. it seems that “clothes maketh the man”.
2. Outline Key Scene 2. The protagonist faces their Dilemma.
BEGINNING: Back to the drawing board. I’ll have to return to my outline and plot my Dilemma.
MIDDLE: The Dilemma for the boys is; What can we do? If we expose the Villins, we ruin our chances with their daughters.
END: Dilemma.
Write Key Scene 1: Reaction to 3rd Act Turning Point.
Pearl is the change agent, She helps our heroes transform from boys to mature young men by dressing them in her beloved father’s clothes and urging them to act with confidence.
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – ATTIC – NIGHT Key Scene 1: Reaction to 3rd Act Turning Point.
Johnny holds a silver candelabra with flaming candles for Pearl, as she rummages in a cedar chest.
Stevie shines a flashlight on the chest.
PEARL
This is the one, boys.
She lifts out a hatbox and hands it to Stevie. She hands Johnny a box.
She goes to a large trunk, folds it out, pulls out a drawer, brushes away mothballs, and takes two cellophane bags containing neatly folded pastel-striped shirts.
She takes two suits hanging in a cedar-lined compartment.
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – LIVINGROOM – DAY
Stevie and Johnny stand in two-tone wingtip shoes, trousers with single inverted pleats, open-collar shirts, and finely tailored linen jackets. A couple of young versions of The Great Gatsby.
They don Panama fedoras with a flourish.
STEVIE
Erasmus. Vestes facit homo.
JOHNNY
Clothes maketh the man.
Write Key Scene 2: The protagonist faces their Dilemma.
I’m working on it.
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Completed Act 3
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” While I don’t have the page count
required for an ACT 3, I am satisfied
that I have the requisite scenes to do the job required of a third act. Such a
dilemma!Do a quick read of Act 3 and make whatever improvements you’d like.
EXT. ROAD – DAY Key Scene 1 React/Rethink the new reality revealed by Midpoint & Key Scene 2: Makes a new plan.
Stevie and Johnny ride their bicycles. Chuey sleeps in the baby carrier at Stevie’s chest
JOHNNY
Ask yourself, Dude, Why were they crying?
STEVIE
Emotion, girls get emotional.
JOHNNY
Exactly. They were sad at the thought of losing
true love.
STEVIE
Meaning you and me?
JOHNNY
A girl wants to be wooed.
STEVIE
Wooed?
JOHNNY
Yeah. You know, they liked to be courted.
STEVIE
How does one court a girl who hates one?
JOHNNY
Well, one could bring one’s hateful girl flowers and
candy to soften her up.
STEVIE
How about we dress up like Troubodors and serenade
‘em? Make complete fools of ourselves.
JOHNNY
That’s good, Dude… Man’s purpose is to understand
what a woman wants and to give it to her.
STEVIE
You could be right.
JOHNNY
Sapere aude.
STEVIE
Dare to know. You’re on to something, Dude.
We go for the twofer.
JOHNNY
Sure, win the child and you own the parent.
And that’s the only path to saving Pearl’s property.
INT. EL CAMINO – MOVING – NIGHT Key Scene 3: Things start going well, until…
Johnny decelerates, switches off the headlights, turns, and does a slow roll through the gates and into the Bradford compound. They pull forward and stop behind the Range Rover.
JOHNNY
We’re in luck, Dude. Charlie’s here.
STEVIE
Two birds with one stone.
EXT. / INT. TREE – BRADFORD RESIDENCE – NIGHT
Stevie and Johnny wearing large colorful sombreros, stand on tree branches facing a second-story balcony.
Johnny tosses a rope over a branch, pulls it down, and ties it to his guitar strap. He pulls the rope, positioning the guitar at his waist, and hitches the rope to a branch,
Stevie hefts a handful of dried pinto beans and tosses them.
The beans chatter on the glass of the French doors.
He tosses another handful of beans.
Dawn appears wearing pajamas, squinting through a glass pane. She opens the door, and steps to the balcony.
Johnny strums his Guitar, searching for the right chord.
DAWN
Charlie, come see who’s here.
Charlie comes out in pajamas. The girls look at each other and giggle.
Johnny does a turn on his branch, wobbles clumsily, recovers his balance, takes the hanging guitar with a flourish, and strums.
STEVIE
(singing)
Ecstasy awaits you, darling ladies. Tarry not,
tonight’s the night. Pine, no more for carnal
pleasures, in our lust you’ll find delight.
DAWN
Oh, Yes. Sing to us… rhapsodize.
JOHNNY
We’re the downright, forthright, upright boys
that all girls dream about.
STEVIE
We’re the charming, handsome, skillful guys that
girls can’t do without.
JOHNNY
And we’re cute, got smarts and chemistry.
Stuff it takes to knock ‘em out.
STEVIE & JOHNNY
Rendezvous here in your garden
when the moon is shining bright.
Let it be our ecstatic journey.
Tarry not, tonight’s the night.
Johnny loses his balance and hits a sour note on his guitar. He attempts to recover but slips, knocking Stevie off the branch.
They fall.
Crashing through the leaves.
Bouncing off branches.
Landing SPLAT, in a flower bed.
Charlie and Dawn applaud and laugh as they look down at Johnny and Stevie sprawled out in the zinnias.
They look up at the hats and guitar left hanging in the tree.
DAWN
How adorable. They left mementos of
their visit.
INT. BANK – EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY
Charlie and Dawn enter and hurry over to Bradford who sits at his desk.
DAWN
You sounded so upset on the phone, Daddy.
Is something wrong?
FLUSHING TOILET sound.
Gordon enters from the bathroom.
CHARLIE
Daddy! What are you doing here?
DAWN
What’s going on?
BRADFORD
Let’s sit on the couches, girls. Nothing
we can’t handle.
The girls go over and sit on one of the couches.
Bradford leaves his desk and joins by Gordon who has taken a seat on the couch opposite the girls. He leans forward.
GORDON
Girls, there’s something we need you to do.
BRADFORD
And mums the word. This is between the
four of us.
Bradford sits next to Gordon.
GORDON
Remember Miss Jackson…? The black lady
that used to babysit you in the stone house?
DAWN
Pearlie?
CHARLIE
Pearlie was our teacher, Daddy. Remember, she
had us reading when we were three?
DAWN
And she taught us how to grow tomatoes and do
long division.
CHARLIE
Is Pearlie in some kind of trouble?
BRADFORD
No, no. We’re working on a deal to buy her property…
so she can retire in style. We’re having trouble with a
couple of her tenants.
GORDON
A couple of feral boys from school. We need you to
distract ‘em.
The girls look at each other, confused.
DAWN
Which feral boys, Mister Gordon?
GORDON
Stephen Miller and John Grant.
CHARLIE
(To Bradford)
No, Daddy. We can’t be nice to them. They
hurt our feelings.
DAWN
And they can’t sing.
GORDON
What happened?
CHARLIE
They were mean to us.
BRADFORD
Well Honey, maybe you need to get back at
them.
DAWN
How could we ever be civil with those two again?
BRADFORD
A girl must have a few deception skills in her
bag of tricks, Dear.
GORDON
It’s an essential tool for the practice of revenge.
INT. NEWPORT BAY COLLEGE – STUDENT UNION – DAY
Johnny watches from the rear as Charlie closes her laptop and collects her books. Students watch as the COMPUTER SCIENCE NERD erases the blackboard.
COMPUTER SCIENCE NERD
You can use your password to access the tutorials
you’re enrolled in.
EXT. NEWPORT BAY COLLEGE – PARKING LOT – SAME
Johnny and Chuey follow the students and stand watching as Charlie makes for the Bentley.
Chuey runs to the Bentley and stands by the driver’s door indicating.
CHARLIE
(to Johnny)
Your dog’s in my way.
JOHNNY
Come, Chuey. Charlie nice girl.
Charlie moves to go around the puppy. Chuey moves to block. He barks and indicates.
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
Chuey.
Charlie reaches for the door handle. Chuey lunges, snarling.
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
He won’t bite.
Chuey runs to the back wheel, bites the valve stem, and pulls it out, deflating the tire.
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
Bad dog!
Chuey runs to the front wheel, bites the valve stem, and pulls it out, deflating the tire.
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
Chuey, you’re killing me!
LATER
Johnny, Chuey, and a perturbed and pouting Charlie stand in the empty lot watching as a TOW TRUCK GUY positions his rig in front of the Bentley.
He leaves his rig, goes to the Bentley, looks in at the driver’s side, and jumps back.
JOHNNY
(to Charley)
I’m so sorry this happened. He’s untrainable.
CHARLIE
If you can’t control that vicious animal you
need to put him down.
TOW TRUCK GUY
(to Charlie)
Miss, do you know there’s a rattlesnake in your
car?
INT. EL CAMINO – MOVING – NIGHT
Chuey sits between Johnny and Charlie. They look straight ahead grim-faced.
Charlie reaches and cautiously pets Chuey. She takes the puppy and places him in her lap.
CHARLIE
I need to stop at one of our rentals. I have
to set the alarm.
EXT. GORDON RENTAL HOUSE – NIGHT
The El Camino pulls into the driveway of an upscale residence. Using a controller, Charlie raises the garage door. Johnny and Charlie get out.
JOHNNY
Stay in the truck, Chuey. We’ll be right back.
Charlie ushers Johnny in through the garage. A shelf mounted one foot below the ceiling on three walls gets his attention.
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
What you got there?
CHARLIE
Mister Salvador, our tenant. He left in a hurry.
Charlie climbs a sliding library ladder and descends carrying a shallow wooden tray. She places it on a box.
JOHNNY
Looks like buttons
CHARLIE
Some sort of exotic Mexican fruit. Try one.
JOHNNY
Not me, thanks.
Charlie bites one of the buttons and chews. She’s just able to contain her disgust at the bitter taste.
CHARLIE
Oh, Johnny. Try one, taste good.
Johnny takes one, bites into it, and chews, grimacing. Charlie giggles.
JOHNNY
Delicious.
INT. GORDON RENTAL HOUSE – LIVINGROOM – NIGHT
Johnny sits looking mesmerized at a sheer window curtain stirring in the soft breeze.
Charlie dances around the room. She slips off her blouse and tosses it onto a lampshade, dimming the light. She drops her skirt, steps out, and kicks it aside.
JOHNNY
What’s that smell?
CHARLIE
Stephanotis.
JOHNNY
Who?
She takes his hand and leads him out to the
BACKYARD
around the swimming pool, past pool furniture, to a trellised vine covered with white flowers.
She picks a flower and hands it to him.
CHARLIE
Stephanotis.
She removes her bra and hangs it on the trellis. She steps out of her panties, goes to a lounge, reclines on it, and beckons.
JOHNNY
Are you hitting on me?
She spreads her arms wide, inviting him.
Johnny goes to her and stands looking down. His vision swirls.
A flower bud appears. It opens slowly, blushing with waves of color, about to reach full bloom.
He snaps out of it, lies on her, and looks into her face, more beautiful than ever, close in the pale moonlight.
Her face glows, dissolves, and reconfigures to a vacant white SKULL.
Johnny jumps up stunned. He steps back and stares wide-eyed in disbelief as Charlie’s SKELETON extracts itself from her body and resumes her dance.
CHARLIE’S SKELETON
(Andrews Sisters singing)
Oh, Johnny! Oh, Johnny! How you can love.
Oh, Johnny! Oh, Johnny! Heaven’s above. You
make my sad heart jump with joy.
She takes his hand and leads him to the pool, where they dance on the water.
CHARLIE’S SKELETON (CONT’D)
And when you’re near I just can’t… Sit still a
minute! I’m so Oh, Johnny! Oh, Johnny! Please
tell me dear. What makes me love you so?
You’re not handsome, it’s true. But when I look
at you… I just, Oh, Johnny! Oh, Johnny! Oh!
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Johnny and Chuey sit at the table. Johnny pushes Chuey’s bowl close to the edge and adjusts the puppy’s bib.
JOHNNY
Eat. You can start without us.
On the stove, a can of beans simmers on a full-up burner.
Stevie stands laughing as he serves out scrambled eggs on two plates. He turns the burner off, and with a pot holder, takes the hot can and serves out the beans.
JOHNNY
I’m telling you she was naked. I saw her
with my own two eyes. I think she even let me –
STEVIE
Watch your talk around C-H-U-E-Y, Dude.
Chuey looks up from his bowl.
STEVIE (CONT’D)
Let’s try to set a good example.
JOHNNY
As I was expounding, I believe intercourse
occurred —
STEVIE
She fed you peyote, Dude. You been punked.
He carries the plates over and places them on the table.
They dig into their breakfast.
JOHNNY
Musta been a peyote potion, cause I think
I’m in love!
EXT. BEACH – NIGHT
Stevie, Chuey, and Dawn walk near the surf. From her arm movements and body language it’s clear that she’s giving him a piece of her mind.
DAWN
You tell him to stay away from her.
STEVIE
You invite me to the beach to tell me that?
Chuey crosses in front of them and runs in the surf.
DAWN
Why don’t you keep that animal on a leash?
And you can tell him for me –
STEVIE
Ever wonder who you are when you’re
not hiding behind your tough persona?
She looks at him as if she’d caught him reading her soul, her eyes brimming.
He takes a tear with his fingers.
STEVIE (CONT’D)
I know… me too.
She falls into his arms. He holds her awkwardly, unsure of himself.
She pushes off, puts her arms around his neck, pulls him close, and looks into his eyes.
They kiss.
She pushes him away.
DAWN
I’m sorry Stevie, I’m so sorry… I invited you
here to tell you —
She sobs, struggling to control her emotions.
STEVIE
It’s okay, don’t cry. You can tell me.
She backs away slowly, gathering herself.
DAWN
Oh, Stevie. You’re not the one for me.
She bursts into tears, turns, and runs up the beach leaving Stevie and Chuey standing in the surf.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – BACKYARD – DAY Key Scene 4: Turning Point – The protagonist faces their lowest low.
Johnny and Stevie sit on lawn furniture, clutching half-full Mason jars and moping, as sunset turns to twilight.
Pearl arrives carrying a pitcher full of ice cubes and tea and fills their jars.
STEVIE
Nothing left to be done —
JOHNNY
Having screwed up everything royally.
PEARL
Don’t worry, boys. We’ve got carrots in the
ground and oranges to harvest come
November. We’ll get by.
STEVIE
I’m not sure you understand Miss Pearl.
The money’s gone. Nothing we can do to
stop the foreclosure.
Pearl hands Stevie the pitcher, lifts her apron, and wipes her teary eyes
PEARL
No one could ask for better sons. And don’t
you fret my lovely boys, the hero always
gets the girl.
She takes the pitcher and heads for the house.
The moping continues.
Chuey appears with a rolled-up newspaper in his mouth and goes to Johnny.
Johnny takes the paper, listlessly pets the puppy, and tosses the paper to the ground.
Chuey takes the paper in his mouth, goes to Stevie, and stands on his hind legs, wagging his tail.
Stevie pets the puppy, takes the newspaper, unrolls it, scans the first page, and opens the paper.
He pages through, eyes lingering on the various headlines before turning to the next.
Something grabs his attention. He sits up in his chair.
STEVIE
Check it out.
(reading)
The Pacific Classic is an American thoroughbred
horse race run annually on the second day of
September at the racetrack in Del Mar, California.
They look at the puppy.
JOHNNY
(to Chuey)
What’d you know about horses?
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Act 3 Turning Point
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” I must rethink this because I present this SINGLE scene as the culmination and realization that ALL IS LOST after several scenes in which the heroes failed. My protagonists face their lowest low AFTER having gone through several scenes in which they come out losers. Having realized that they have hit bottom, they must now change their ways and do something drastic.
Outline Key Scene 4 – Turning Point 3.
BEGINNING: They mope and wallow in their incompetence and repeated failures.
MIDDLE: Evaluating their current position, they conclude that all is lost.
END: Pearl cheers them up and expresses her optimism giving them the will to attempt one last improbable thing.
Write Turning Point 3 – The protagonist faces their lowest low.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – BACKYARD – DAY
Johnny and Stevie sit on lawn furniture, clutching half-full Mason jars and moping, as sunset turns to twilight.
Pearl arrives carrying a pitcher full of ice cubes and tea and fills their jars.
STEVIE
Nothing left to be done —
JOHNNY
Having screwed up everything royally.
PEARL
Don’t worry, boys. We’ve got carrots in the
ground and oranges to harvest come
November. We’ll get by.
STEVIE
I’m not sure you understand Miss Pearl.
The money’s gone. Nothing we can do to
stop the foreclosure.
Pearl hands Stevie the pitcher, lifts her apron, and wipes her teary eyes
PEARL
No one could ask for better sons. And don’t
you fret my lovely boys, the hero always
gets the girl.
She takes the pitcher and heads for the house.
The moping continues.
Chuey appears with a rolled-up newspaper in his mouth and goes to Johnny.
Johnny takes the paper, listlessly pets the puppy, and tosses the paper to the ground.
Chuey takes the newspaper in his mouth, goes to Stevie, and stands on his hind legs, wagging his tail.
Stevie pets the puppy, takes the newspaper, unrolls it, scans the first page, and opens the paper.
He pages through, eyes lingering on the various headlines before turning to the next.
Something grabs his attention. He sits up in his chair.
STEVIE
Check it out.
(reading)
The Pacific Classic is an American thoroughbred
horse race run annually on the second day of
September at the racetrack in Del Mar, California.
They look at the puppy
JOHNNY
(to Chuey)
What’d you know about horses?
-
Lesson 18: Act 3 Middle Scenes
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Act 3 Middle Scenes
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” What a great assignment. I learned that this is the place to install the final all-out attempt to succeed with the task at hand. This is another great place to insert comedy as I install another of my Key scenes in this screenplay. Thank’s Hal.
Write Key Scene 3: Things go well, until…
INT. EL CAMINO – MOVING – NIGHT
Johnny decelerates, switches off the headlights, turns, and does a slow roll through the gates and into the Bradford compound. They pull forward and stop behind the Range Rover.
JOHNNY
We’re in luck, Dude. Charlie’s here.
STEVIE
Two birds with one stone.
EXT. / INT. TREE – BRADFORD RESIDENCE – NIGHT
Stevie and Johnny wearing large colorful sombreros, stand on tree branches facing a second-story balcony.
Johnny tosses a rope over a branch, pulls it down, and ties it to his guitar strap. He pulls the rope, positioning the guitar at his waist, and hitches the rope to a branch.
Stevie tosses a handful of dried pinto beans that chatter on the glass of the French doors.
He tosses another handful of beans.
Dawn appears wearing pajamas, squinting through a glass pane. She opens the door, and steps to the balcony.
Johnny strums his Guitar, searching for the right chord.
DAWN
Charlie, come see who’s here.
Charlie comes out in pajamas. The girls look at each other and giggle.
Johnny does a turn on his branch, wobbles, recovers his balance, and takes the hanging guitar with a flair and strums.
STEVIE
(singing)
Ecstasy awaits you, darling ladies. Tarry not,
tonight’s the night. Pine, no more for carnal
pleasures, in our lust you’ll find delight.
DAWN
Oh, Yes. Sing to us… rhapsodize.
JOHNNY
We’re the downright, forthright, upright boys
that all girls dream about.
STEVIE
We’re the charming, handsome, skillful guys that
girls can’t do without.
JOHNNY
And we’re cute, got smarts and chemistry.
Stuff it takes to knock ‘em out.
STEVIE & JOHNNY
Rendezvous here in your garden
when the moon is shining bright.
Come take your ecstatic journey.
Tarry not, tonight’s the night.
Johnny loses his balance and hits a sour note on his guitar. He attempts to recover and slips, knocking Stevie off the branch.
They fall.
Crashing through the leaves.
Bouncing off branches.
Landing SPLAT, in a flower bed.
Charlie and Dawn applaud and laugh as they look down at Johnny and Stevie sprawled out in the flowers.
They look up at the hats and guitar left hanging in the tree.
DAWN
How adorable. They left mementos of
their visit.
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” there’s a lot of work to be done to get this, but I’m beginning to see a framework.
Outline any scenes that you haven’t gotten to yet from Act 2.
Write out those scenes.
EXT. BEACH – DAY
Johnny uses a stick of driftwood to scrawl stock market ticker symbols in the sand.
Chuey watches unimpressed.
JOHNNY
Let’s try a few more.
Stevie smooths out the sand with a foot and holds his phone for Johnny to see.
Johnny scratches out five more stock symbols.
Chuey cocks his head and looks up at them. He looks out to sea.
STEVIE
This ain’t gonna work.
Johnny looks at the phone and scribbles five more symbols in the sand.
Chuey runs over to a symbol and indicates, tail wagging.
MONTAGE – PLAYING THE MARKET
— Stevie and Johnny open a brokerage account and deposit some money.
— They buy a stock and watch it climb in value.
— Stevie and Johnny write stock symbols in the sand. Chuey picks three stocks.
— They celebrate as they watch their portfolio of three stocks increase in value.
— They sell the stocks, take the check to the bank and get cash.
END MONTAGE.
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Johnny pops the caps off three long-neck Coronors and hands a bottle to Stevie and one to Pearl.
He fills a saucer from his bottle and places it on the floor for Chuey. They all drink.
STEVIE
You done real good, Chuey.
JOHNNY
Six thousand seven hundred should
buy us some time.
STEVIE
Times running out. We gotta move.
PEARL
I have some money, boys. Buy more time.
Pearl mounts a three-step stool and rummages in the cabinet above the refrigerator.
Johnny steadies her as she climbs down carrying a rusty metal canister.
PEARL
I was saving this for when my boys graduated
College, but –
JOHNNY
You’re so sweet, Miss Pearl.
Pearl opens the canister, takes out a block wrapped in a red napkin, unwraps the napkin, and lifts two stacks of currency.
The boys separate the money into stacks by denomination. They do a count and make the tally.
STEVIE
You’re rich Miss Pearl. Three thousand
four hundred and seventeen dollars.
JOHNNY
That makes a total of ten thousand
one hundred dollars and gas money.
INT. BANK – DAY
The boys are ushered into Bradfors’s office. Bradford rises to greet them.
BRADFORD
Pearl’s boys, nice to see you again. Be
seated Gentlemen.
JOHNNY
Thanks for seeing us, Mister Bradford.
BRADFORD
What’s this about a payment on the Jackson
property?
Johnny produces the money and puts it on Jackson’s desk. Jackson takes the money and counts.
He touches a button on his intercom.
BRADFORD
Gertrude, prepare a receipt for Miss
Jackson… Ten thousand one hundred.
JOHNNY
Miss Jackson wants you to know that she
appreciates —
BRADFORD
You tell Miss Jackson I say it’s a pleasure,
and it’s a pleasure doing business with you
two astute young men.
STEVIE
You’re a gentleman, Sir.
Bradford rises goes around his desk, shakes hands with Johnny and Stevie, and ushers them to the door.
BRADFORD
Collect your receipt on the way out.
Johnny
We appreciate the breather, Sir. I think this
loan business can be resolved within a
couple of months.
BRADFORD
Ten thousand buys four days. Gentlemen.
Foreclosure proceedings will resume on Friday.
INT. EL CAMINO – MOVING – DAY
A grim-faced Johnny at the wheel, Stevie in the shotgun seat.
Silence but for the sound of the engine and tires on the pavement.
STEVIE
What a couple of losers… to think we
could beat the man at his game.
JOHNNY
We got to locate the forger, Dude. There’s no
other way.
STEVE
So we’re back to playing the man’s game?
JOHNNY
This time we play to win… Ubi est voluntas, ibi est via.
STEVE
Where there is a will, there’s a way.
EXT/INT. TREE – BRADFORD RESIDENCE – LIBRARY – NIGHT
Dawn reclines in pajamas, on a branch outside a second-story window, talking on her phone.
DAWN
(into phone)
She’s in for an oil change.
She goes quiet when she sees Bradford and Gordon enter the library.
DAWN (CONT’D)
(whispering)
Hang on. Your dad’s here! They’re in
the library.
She moves to conceal herself the the leaves and listens.
GORDON
He said we pay up or he goes to the Chronicle.
BRADFORD
We’ve got real trouble if this gets out.
GORDON
I’ll skin that little weasel alive. I’m calling mother.
He produces his phone, taps it, and waits.
GORDON
(into phone)
Mother, call JG.
He puts his phone in his pocket
BRADFORD
That scammin’ little son of a bitch! And here’s a
news flash. Those collector balls he sold us,
the signatures are forged.
Phone RINGTONE. Gorden takes his phone.
GORDON
Put mother on the phone… Someone I want
permanently silenced … I don’t give a shit how
you do it. Use your head… 231 Shadow Lane…
Dirty blond hair… five feet tall. ASAP.
Bradford goes to the open window, closes and locks it.
DAWN
(into phone)
Shadow lane? That’s my Uncle Gimmy’s house.
Call you right back.
INT. RANGE ROVER – NIGHT
Charlie at the wheel, Dawn riding shotgun, She lays her phone on the seat.
DAWN
He’s still not answering.
CHARLIE
I love the pajama outfit.
DAWN
Can we speed up a little?
The Range Rover accelerates.
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Stevie and Johnny sit looking at Johnny’s phone.
STEVIE
Try the Chronicle, items for sale.
Johnny taps his phone, searching.
JOHNNY
Looks like a buyer’s market for cars.
STEVIE
Try memorabilia, Yogi Berra.
Johnny taps his phone.
JOHNNY
Here we go.
(reading)
R-E-A-R Yogi Berra baseball for sale.
Best offer. Bring cash to 231 Shadow Lane.
STEVIE
Spelling and logic not his strong suits.
JOHNNY
Could be our man. Let’s go see.
EXT. 231 SHADOW LANE – NIGHT
The El Camino rolls up to a rundown yellow one-bedroom house. As it circles to the back, the boys note the Range Rover and a thrashed VW Beetle parked in the side yard. The pickup stops next to three plastic trash bins.
The boys get out and head for the back door.
JOHNNY
Wait in the truck, Chuey.
A black Hummer with a PEAKED-LOOKING THUG at the wheel rolls up and parks on the street.
A TALL SKINNY THUG climbs out from the back seat and assists a SHORT FAT THUG to the ground, he brings out two coils of cotton rope and pushes the door shut. The three head for the house.
INT. 231 SHADOW LANE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Stevie and Johnny enter and see Dawn helping Jimmy to put on a shirt. Charlie hurries in wheeling a carry-on bag.
DAWN
What are you doing here?
STEVIE
We need a word with this guy.
DAWN
Not now, please. We have to hurry.
Come on, Gimmy!
The three thugs burst in, Short Fat brandishing a chrome-plated revolver.
SHORT FAT THUG
Police business. Everyone stay where you are.
PEAKED-LOOKING THUG
Face the wall. Do like Gut says.
Tall Skinny throws Jimmy against the wall and brings his hands behind him. The others stand facing the wall
Peaked drops the coils, produces a tie wrap, binds Jimmy’s hands, picks up the coils, and stands panting.
SHORT FAT THUG
When you catch your breath you can tie up
the other four people.
PEAKED-LOOKING THUG
We ain’t got enough for four people, Gut.
We only got two ropes.
SHORT FAT THUG
Use your head, moron. Tie ‘em together.
Tall Skinny goes to Peaked, takes a rope end from each coil, and ties them together.
SHORT FAT THUG
Not the rope, you idiot, tie the people. Use
your head.
TALL SKINNY THUG
How am I supposed to tie people with my head?
LATER
Johnny and Charlie sit back to back on a chair with a rope coiled, elbow to armpit, binding them.
On the floor, Stevie and Dawn lay face to face, with a rope coiled around them.
DAWN
Stop struggling. The ropes are hurting me.
JOHNNY
You guys coming to the assembly? Me
and Stevie are doing the entertainment.
CHARLIE
Why are you talking about entertainment?
DAWN
Stop struggling!
JOHNNY
Call Chuey.
STEVIE
Not so fast. I think I’m liking this.
DAWN
Chuey.
JOHNNY
All together now, on three. Two and, three.
The four bellow in unison, CHUEY.
INT. EL CAMINO – SAME
Chuey’s ears go up. He jumps up and stands on the front seat looking out the open window.
THE FOUR VOICES (OS)
CHUEY.
He scampers to the doorsill, teeters, and jumps. He bounces on the trash bin’s lid, lands on the ground, and runs to the open door.
INT. 231 SHADOW LANE – LIVING ROOM
Chuey stands looking at the four trussed-up people.
JOHNNY
Good boy, Chuey. Untie us.
Chuey goes to Johnny and looks up.
CHARLIE
Untie your Stevie, Chuey.
Chuey runs over to Stevie and Dawn. He takes the knotted rope-end in his mouth and tugs, tightening the rope.
STEVIE
It’s woven through the coils, Chuey.
Gotta pull where it goes in.
Chuey bites the loop where the rope enters the first coil, pulls it up, and gnaws on it.
STEVIE
Take your time, Chuey.
LATER
Chuey leaves the frayed loop, returns to the knot end, takes it in his mouth, pulls out a short piece of rope, and backs up thrashing the rope left to right as he goes.
He returns to the frayed end of the rope coiled around Stevie and Dawn, takes it in his teeth, and braces himself.
Stevie and Dawn roll, unwinding the coil from abound their bodies.
JOHNNY
Good boy, Chuey.
EXT. BANK – NIGHT
Bradford sits at his desk talking on the phone.
BUSSER sound.
Bradford taps his intercom.
GERTRUDE’S VOICE (OS)
Three gentlemen to see you.
BRADFORD
Do they have an appointment?
GERTRUDE’S VOICE (OS)
They have a big box.
BRADFORD
(into phone)
They’re here, mother. I’ll call you back.
He hangs up.
BRADFORD
Send them in, Gertrude.
Bradford rises, goes to a walk-in vault, and pulls the door open.
Short Fat enters and stands holding the door open.
Peaked and Tall Skinny carry in a coffin-sized box.
BRADFORD
Over here, Gut.
Bradford steps into the walk-in vault.
The Thugs follow, put the box down, and stand waiting.
BRADFORD
What are you waiting for? Get him out.
The thugs pull Jimmy out and stand him up.
Bradford slaps Jimmy.
BRADFORD
You little shit.
(to Short Fat)
Put a good beating on him.
The three thugs pounce on Jimmy and gleefully commence beating him.
INT. NEWPORT BAY COLLEGE GYMNASIUM – DAY
Noisy kids mill about on the crowded floor, now arranged with rows of folding chairs and a platform stage.
Stevie enters carrying Chuey and a dunce stool. He steps up on the platform, sets the stool, and places Chuey on it.
STEVIE
Take your seats, Barbarians. Prepare
to be entertained. Ladies may proceed
to the front.
The kids scramble for chairs. Dawn, Charlie, and several other girls take front-row seats.
Johnny enters wearing a cape and a dunce hat. He steps to the platform and stands at the far side posing.
TALL DORK
Let’s get the show on the road.
STEVIE
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the
great Jonathan.
CHUEY
Welcome to the debut of the world’s greatest
ventriloquist.
The kids applaud.
SHORT DORK
Johnny’s lips moved. We’re not impressed,
Oh, great one.
JOHNNY
Observe my puppet dog and watch closely.
STEVIE
Who will lend me a sock?
A kid tears off his shoes, removes his socks, stuffs one into the other, and tosses the wad at Stevie.
He catches it.
STEVIE (CONT’D)
A belt? Anyone? A belt?
Dawn removes her belt, rolls it up, and tosses it to Stevie.
Stevie goes to Johnny, stuffs the socks wad into his mouth, puts the belt around his head, and tightens the gag in place.
Johnny raises his arms with a flourish and throws the focus to Chuey.
CHUEY
(to Charlie)
You’re lookin’ good there, Charlie. Want
to fool around … again?
The kids roar with laughter.
SHORT DORK
Let’s have no more of that.
CHUEY
Shut up.
(to Dawn)
Hi Sweets. I like the way you stripped off that belt.
Get up here and show us some skin.
CHARLIE
That’s humiliating!
Charlie and Dawn get up and make for the door.
DAWN
Stevie Miller, you will never speak to me again,
not ever again.
CHARLIE
And that goes double for you, Johnny Grant.
They run out, crying.
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” A good place to restate the problem and show the protagonists pondering the way forward as they grow from what they have learned or come to realize. Realizing that change is necessary.
Write Key Scene 1: Reaction/Rethink.
EXT. ROAD – DAY
Stevie and Johnny ride their bicycles. Chuey sleeps in the baby carrier at Stevie’s chest
JOHNNY
Ask yourself, Dude, Why were they crying?
STEVIE
Emotion, girls get emotional.
JOHNNY
Exactly. They were sad at the thought of losing
true love.
STEVIE
Meaning you and me?
JOHNNY
A girl wants to be wooed.
STEVIE
Wooed?
JOHNNY
Yeah. You know, they liked to be courted.
STEVIE
How does one court a girl who hates one?
JOHNNY
Well, one could bring one’s hateful girl flowers and
candy to soften her up.
STEVIE
How about we dress up like Troubodors and serenade
‘em? Make complete fools of ourselves.
JOHNNY
That’s good, Dude… Man’s purpose is to understand
what a woman wants and to give it to her.
STEVIE
You could be right.
JOHNNY
Sapere aude.
STEVIE
Dare to know. You’re on to something, Dude.
We go for the twofer.
JOHNNY
Sure, win the child and you own the parent.
And that’s the only path to saving Pearl’s property.
-
Lesson 15: Act 2 TP – The Midpoint
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Act 2 TP – Midpoint
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” This is a great opportunity to develop a scene that will raise the stakes and increase the jeopardy for the protagonists.
Write the Midpoint scene.
EXT. ROAD – DAY
Stevie and Johnny ride their bicycles. Chuey sleeps in the baby carrier at Stevie’s chest
JOHNNY
Ask yourself, Dude, Why were they crying?
STEVIE
Emotion, girls get emotional.
JOHNNY
Exactly. They were sad at the thought of
losing true love.
STEVIE
Meaning you and me?
JOHNNY
A girl wants to be wooed.
STEVIE
Wooed?
JOHNNY
Yeah. You know, they liked to be courted.
STEVIE
How does one court a girl who hates one?
JOHNNY
Well, one could bring one’s hateful girl flowers and
candy to soften her up.
STEVIE
How about we dress up like Troubodors and serenade
‘em? Make complete fools of ourselves.
JOHNNY
That’s good, Dude… Man’s purpose is to understand
what a woman wants and to give it to her.
STEVIE
You could be right.
JOHNNY
Sapere aude.
STEVIE
Dare to know. You’re on to something.
Go for the twofer.
JOHNNY
Sure, win the child and you own the parent.
EXT. / INT. TREE – BRADFORD RESIDENCE – NIGHT
Stevie and Johnny wearing large colorful sombreros, stand on tree branches facing a second-story balcony of the Bradford residence. Johnny secures a rope hanging from above, positioning his guitar at his waist.
Stevie tosses a handful of pebbles that chatter on the glass of the French doors.
Dawn appears wearing pajamas, squinting through a glass pane. She opens the door, and steps to the balcony.
Johnny strums his Guitar, trying to find the right chord.
DAWN
Charlie, come see who’s here.
Charlie comes out in her pajamas. The girls look at each other and giggle.
IN THE TREE
Johnny recovers his balance and strums his guitar.
STEVIE
(singing)
We’re the downright, forthright, upright guys
That all girls dream about. We are cute, got
smarts and chemistry, things girls can’t do
without. Rendezvous here in your garden when
the moon is shining bright. Ecstasy awaits you,
darling girls. Tarry not, tonight’s the night.
Johnny loses his balance and hits a sour note. He attempts to recover only to knock Stevie off the branch. The two fall, crashing through the branches, and land in a flower bed leaving guitar and hats in the tree.
Charlie and Dawn applaud and laugh as they look at the guys sprawled on the ground and the mementos left in the tree.
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Act 2 Middle Scenes
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” A writer’s opportunity to show the entrenched hero, and how difficult it is to leave the old ways and move to a new and better way to solve his problems. In the case of this COMEDY, it is another opportunity to have some fun with the developing arc of the protagonist as we show him losing once again.
INT. EL CAMINO – DAY
A grim-faced Johnny at the wheel, Stevie in the shotgun seat.
Silence but for the sound of the engine and tires on the pavement.
STEVIE
What a couple of losers… to think we
could beat the man at his game.
JOHNNY
We got to locate the forger, Dude. There’s no
other way.
STEVE
So we’re back to playing the man’s game?
JOHNNY
This time we play to win… Ubi est voluntas, ibi est via.
STEVE
Where there is a will, there’s a way.
EXT/INT. TREE – BRADFORD RESIDENCE – LIBRARY – NIGHT
Dawn reclines in pajamas, on a branch outside a second-story window, talking on her phone.
DAWN
(into phone)
She’s in for an oil change.
She goes quiet when she sees Bradford and Gordon enter the library.
DAWN (CONT’D)
(whispering)
Hang on. Your dad’s here! They’re in
the library.
She moves to conceal herself the the leaves and listens.
GORDON
He said we pay up or he goes to the Chronicle.
BRADFORD
We’ve got real trouble if this gets out.
GORDON
I’ll skin that little weasel alive. I’m calling mother.
He produces his phone, taps it, and waits.
GORDON
(into phone)
Mother, call JG.
He puts his phone in his pocket
BRADFORD
That scammin’ little son of a bitch! And here’s a
news flash. Those collector balls he sold us,
the signatures are forged.
Phone RINGTONE. Gorden takes his phone.
GORDON
Put mother on the phone… Someone I want
permanently silenced … I don’t give a shit how
you do it. Use your head… 231 Shadow Lane…
Dirty blond hair… five feet tall. ASAP.
Bradford goes to the open window, closes and locks it.
DAWN
(into phone)
Shadow lane? That’s my Uncle Gimmy’s house.
Call you right back.
INT. RANGE ROVER – NIGHT
Charlie at the wheel, Dawn riding shotgun, She lays her phone on the seat.
DAWN
He’s still not answering.
CHARLIE
I love the pajama outfit.
DAWN
Can we speed up a little?
The Range Rover accelerates.
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Stevie and Johnny sit looking at Johnny’s phone.
STEVIE
Try the Chronicle, items for sale.
Johnny taps his phone, searching.
JOHNNY
Looks like a buyer’s market for cars.
STEVIE
Try memorabilia, Yogi Berra.
Johnny taps his phone.
JOHNNY
Here we go.
(reading)
R-E-A-R Yogi Berra baseball for sale.
Best offer. Bring cash to 231 Shadow Lane.
STEVIE
Spelling and logic not his strong suits.
JOHNNY
Could be our man. Let’s go see.
EXT. 231 SHADOW LANE – NIGHT
The El Camino rolls up to a rundown yellow one-bedroom house. As it circles to the back, the boys note the two vehicles parked in the side yard. The pickup stops next to three plastic trash bins.
The boys get out and head for the back door.
JOHNNY
Wait in the truck, Chuey.
A black Hummer with a PEAKED-LOOKING THUG at the wheel rolls up and parks on the street.
A TALL SKINNY THUG climbs out from the back seat and assists a SHORT FAT THUG to the ground, he brings out two coils of cotton rope and pushes the door shut. The three head for the house.
INT. 231 SHADOW LANE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Stevie and Johnny enter and see Dawn helping Jimmy to put on a shirt. Charlie hurries in wheeling a carry-on bag.
DAWN
What are you doing here?
STEVIE
We need a word with this guy.
DAWN
Not now, please. We have to hurry.
Come on, Gimmy!
The three thugs burst in, Short Fat brandishing a chrome-plated revolver.
SHORT FAT THUG
Police business. Everyone stay where you are.
PEAKED-LOOKING THUG
Face the wall. Do like Gut says.
Tall Skinny throws Jimmy against the wall and brings his hands behind him. The others stand facing the wall
Peaked drops the coils, produces a tie wrap, binds Jimmy’s hands, picks up the coils, and stands panting.
SHORT FAT THUG
When you catch your breath you can tie up
the other four people.
PEAKED-LOOKING THUG
We ain’t got enough for four people, Gut.
We only got two ropes.
SHORT FAT THUG
Use your head, moron. Tie ‘em together.
Tall Skinny goes to Peaked, takes a rope end from each coil, and ties them together.
SHORT FAT THUG
Not the rope, you idiot, tie the people. Use
your head.
TALL SKINNY THUG
How am I supposed to tie people with my head?
LATER
Johnny and Charlie sit back to back on a chair with a rope coiled, elbow to armpit, binding them.
On the floor, Stevie and Dawn lay face to face, with a rope coiled around them.
DAWN
Stop struggling, Stevie. The ropes are hurting me.
JOHNNY
Call Chuey.
STEVIE
Not so fast. I think I’m liking this.
DAWN
Chuey.
JOHNNY
All together now, on three. Two and, three.
The four bellow in unison, CHUEY.
INT. EL CAMINO – NIGHT
Chuey’s ears go up. He jumps up and stands on the front seat looking out the open window.
FOUR VOICES (OS)
CHUEY.
He scampers to the doorsill, teeters, and jumps. He bounces on the trash bin’s lid, lands on the ground, and runs to the open door.
INT. 231 SHADOW LANE – LIVING ROOM – SAME
Chuey stands looking at the four trussed-up people.
JOHNNY
Good boy, Chuey. Untie us.
Chuey goes to Johnny and looks up.
CHARLIE
Untie your Stevie, Chuey.
Chuey runs over to Stevie and Dawn. He takes the knotted rope-end in his mouth and tugs, tightening the rope.
STEVIE
It’s woven through the coils, Chuey.
Gotta pull where it goes in.
Chuey bites the loop where the rope enters the first coil, pulls it up, and gnaws on it.
STEVIE
Take your time, Chuey.
LATER
Chuey leaves the frayed loop, returns to the knot end, takes it in his mouth, pulls out a short piece of rope, and backs up thrashing the rope left to right as he goes.
He returns to the frayed end of the rope coiled around Stevie and Dawn, takes it in his teeth, and braces himself.
Stevie and Dawn roll, unwinding the coil from abound their bodies.
JOHNNY
Good boy, Chuey.
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Act 2 Reaction to TP 1
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Important to show the protagonist screwing up here so they can learn and grow, change tactics, and live for a better day.
Write the “Reaction to the Turning Point” scene.
EXT. BEACH – DAY
Johnny uses a stick of driftwood to scrawl stock market ticker symbols in the sand.
Chuey watches unimpressed.
JOHNNY
Let’s try a few more.
Stevie smooths out the sand with a foot and holds his phone for Johnny to see.
Johnny scratches out five more stock symbols.
Chuey cocks his head and looks up at them. He looks out to sea.
STEVIE
This ain’t gonna work.
Johnny looks at the phone and scribbles five more symbols in the sand.
Chuey runs over to a symbol and indicates, tail wagging.
MONTAGE – PLAYING THE MARKET
— Stevie and Johnny open a brokerage account and deposit some money.
— They buy a stock and watch it climb in value.
— Stevie and Johnny write stock symbols in the sand. Chuey picks three stocks.
— They celebrate as they watch their portfolio of three stocks increase in value.
— They sell the stocks, take the check to the bank and get cash.
END MONTAGE.
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Johnny pops the caps off three long-neck Coronors and hands a bottle to Stevie and one to Pearl.
He fills a saucer from his bottle and places it on the floor for Chuey. They all drink.
STEVIE
You done real good, Chuey.
JOHNNY
We’ve got six thousand seven hundred dollars.
That should buy us some time.
STEVIE
Times running out. We gotta move.
PEARL
I have some money, boys. Buy more time.
Pearl mounts a three-step stool and rummages in the cabinet above the refrigerator.
Johnny steadies her as she climbs down carrying a rusty metal canister.
PEARL
I was saving this for when my boys graduated
College, but –
JOHNNY
You’re so sweet, Miss Pearl.
Pearl opens the canister, takes out a block wrapped in a red napkin, unwraps the napkin, and lifts two stacks of currency.
The boys separate the money into stacks by denomination. They do a count and make the tally.
STEVIE
You’re rich Miss Pearl. Three thousand
four hundred and seventeen dollars.
JOHNNY
That makes a total of ten thousand
one hundred and gas money.
INT. BANK – DAY
The boys are ushered into Bradfors’s office. Bradford rises to greet them.
BRADFORD
Pearl’s boys, nice to see you again. Be
seated Gentlemen.
JOHNNY
Thanks for seeing us, Mister Bradford.
BRADFORD
What’s this about a payment on the Jackson property?
Johnny produces the money and puts it on Jackson’s desk. Jackson takes the money and counts.
He touches a button on his intercom.
BRADFORD
Gertrude, prepare a receipt for Miss
Jackson… Eleven hundred dollars.
JOHNNY
Miss Jackson wants you to know that she
appreciates —
BRADFORD
You tell Miss Jackson I say it’s a pleasure,
and it’s a pleasure doing business with you
two astute young men.
STEVIE
You’re a gentleman, Sir.
Bradford rises goes around his desk, shakes hands with Johnny and Stevie, and walks them to the door.
BRADFORD
You can collect your receipt on the way out.
Johnny
We appreciate the breather, Sir. I think this loan
business can be resolved within a couple of months.
BRADFORD
Ten thousand buys four days. Gentlemen.
Foreclosure proceedings will resume on Friday.
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Finished Act 1
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” I learned that I have some work ahead to get this act looking good – but I have a framework from which to work.
Write a 20% draft of those scenes.
FADE IN:
INT. JOHNNY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Using a finger, STEVIE MILLER, a B student who never took a book home, and is proud of it, draws a sequence diagram on the carpet.
It’s a Rube Goldberg scenario illustrating how an impossible series of events might unfold.
JOHNNY GRANT, a kid who breezed through high school with As, but does everything he can to disguise his ability to identify, analyze, and solve problems, ponders.
JOHNNY
Why should we have to prove gravity, it’s
axiomatic.
STEVIE
It’s our project, Johnny. We do it to granulate.
JOHNNY
Okay, they asked for it.
STEVIE
Okay then, A goes down the slide and drops off
the building –
JOHNNY
Stevie, Stevie, we’re gonna need more speed.
Using a finger, Johnny writes upside down on the carpet. “Force = Mass X Acceleration”
Stevie draws a taller building with a slanted roof.
STEVIE
Okay, think with me. A goes off a roof onto a
water slide and drops to the seesaw.
JOHNNY
You think it before you can do it.
STEVIE
It’ll happen if we believe it will.
EXT. LATIN HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
The all-male student body looks in silence as, from a second-story window, a hula hoop is dangled from a bamboo pole.
A ground-floor window opens, and two boys extend a pole with a keg at its end.
All eyes look up at Stevie. He stands teetering precariously on a skateboard, on the crest of a three-story building’s slanted roof.
He launches, rumbles cattywampus across the clay tile, leaps the alley, drops, and comes down hard on a water slide on the flat roof of the adjacent two-story structure.
The students scream and applaud wildly.
Stevie picks up speed and goes airborne, turns a flip, kicks the skateboard away, and drops to a seesaw, launching Johnny over to a trampoline propped on its edge.
Johnny bounces off a trampoline, up through the hula hoop, turns a flip over Stevie’s head, rolls over the keg, flips, and crashes down on the seesaw.
Stevie is catapulted up to the top of the two-story building.
STEVIE
Ah, the summit of life. We’re about to
granulate high school, Dude.
JOHNNY
Johnny’s first law of gravity says, what
goes up must come down so get down,
we’re going to college.
EXT. DIRT ROAD – DAY
A 68 El Camino with primer-dappled oxidized blue paint cruises with radio music blaring.
Stevie’s at the wheel, and Johnny rides shotgun. Boxes and two bicycles slide from side to side in the bed as the pickup negotiates the curvy one-lane road.
JOHNNY
You sure this is a shortcut?
A white Bentley convertible in the rearview mirror and it’s closing fast.
INT. BENTLEY – SAME
The blond in sunglasses at the wheel is DAWN BRADFORD, a pampered California beauty. Daddy’s little girl with a vise grip hold on her wealthy father.
The pretty brunette behind “French For Dummies” is CHARLIE GORDON. Charlie is Grandpa’s trust fund baby and behaves accordingly. Today she’s teaching herself to speak the language of romance.
She tosses the book onto the dash and raises herself, head above the windshield.
CHARLIE
Get off my road… Toot sweet, Mounsers.
INT. EL CAMINO – SAME
Stevie checks the rearview mirror and moves to the center, blocking the Bentley. Two can play that game.
STEVIE
How’d you like to take that for a test drive?
INT. BENTLEY – SAME
Dawn assesses, slows, and falls back.
DAWN
That won’t cut it, Charlie. We’re not in high
school anymore. Let’s get nasty.
CHARLIE
Atta-que.
The Bentley roars up behind and bumps the El Camino.
INT. EL CAMINO – SAME
Stevie checks the rearview mirror.
STEVIE
They’re trying to get our attention, Dude.
INT. BENTLEY – SAME
Charlie sticks her head up above the windshield.
CHARLIE
Get that garbage truck off my road.
The girls giggle, astonished at their audacity.
INT. EL CAMINO – SAME
Johnny motions out the window for the girls to move up.
JOHNNY
Bring ’em alongside, talkie, talkie time.
EXT. DIRT ROAD – SAME
The El Camino slows, moves over, and hugs the bumpy shoulder. The Bentley squeezes alongside and holds even.
INT. EL CAMINO – BENTLEY – SAME
Charlie sticks her arm out and gives them the finger.
CHARLIE
Va te faire foutre!
STEVIE
What’s that?
CHARLIE
Fuck you
STEVIE
Your place or mine?
EXT. DIRT ROAD – SAME
The Bentley speeds up, leaving the El Camino in the dust. It comes to a stop at an intersection, turns onto a paved road, and accelerates.
INT. BENTLEY – SAME
The giggling stops, and the girls compose themselves as the vehicle climbs.
CHARLIE
Let’s sing our song, Dawn.
DAWN
(singing)
We are teenage super girls. With teen-girl
superpowers.
CHARLIE
We’re equipped to torment guys with teenage
charms like ours.
DAWN
In the bloom of youth with seductive arts.
CHARLIE
We tempt the boys, then we break their hearts.
DAWN
They may sigh, and drool and dream.
CHARLIE
But your teenage girl will scheme.
DAWN
They want afternoon delight.
CHARLIE
To possess us for one night.
CHARLIE AND DAWN
But with teenage charms like ours, we just
flaunt our superpowers.
The Bentley crests the hill and slows. The giggling stops as the car moves downhill toward the coast and the red tile roofs of the college town.
DAWN
One year… and we lose our power.
CHARLIE
Let’s make the most of it.
EXT. NEWPORT BAY – DAY
The El Camino pulls onto a circular drive and stops in front of a sprawling three-story greystone house with a four-car garage.
Stevie and Johnny leave the pickup, walk past the garage, and look across an overgrown lawn at the huge wall-enclosed backyard.
JOHNNY
Dude, that backyard’s the size of five
football fields!
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – DAY
PEARL, a sweet unassuming eighty-ish-year-old lady that could pass for sixtyushers in Stevie and Johnny. She nervously eyeballs the black limo across the street and slams the door shut.
PEARL
Bolt the door. They’re after my property.
STEVIE
(singing to Johnny)
Paa-ra-noi-a.
Johnny bolts the door.
PEARL
Pearl’s been expecting you, boys. Tea’s
getting cold. Come sit.
They sit on the floor at a coffee table. Pearl takes a pink Limoges teapot and pours, filling three pink teacups. She takes a bottle of Hennessy cognac and pours a splash into her cup.
PEARL
Sweetener, boys?
JOHNNY
We’re underage.
JOHNNY
Wouldn’t want to get you in trouble.
The place is like a museum, filled with antiques. Photos on a wall tell the story of Pearl’s glamorous younger days.
STEVIE
We were wondering –
PEARL
Maurice Jackson and Mama wed in twenty-eight
and purchased a five-hectare parcel that year.
Pearl was born seven years later.
JOHNNY
Who’s this Pearl?
PEARL
I am, you silly boy.
Pearl walks the boys to a gallery wall covered with framed fashion plate photos of her father and mother.
She brushes a dust speck from the frame of a picture of a man holding a trumpet.
PEARL (CONT’D)
When Daddy played his horn, it was like Gabriel
calling.
She points to a picture of a three-story building with a tower.
PEARL (CONT’D)
That school would not be, without Mama. She
made him give the state all that land and the
money to build Maurice Jackson Hall.
JOHNNY
He was a dapper gent, Miss Pear, and generous.
PEARL
Nine bedrooms and ten baths. Daddy wanted lots
of kids and a nice garden.
STEVIE
Sounds like a very nice man.
PEARL
Those bank people have wanted this property
ever since the state broke ground on the college.
They’re after me to sell but it’ll never happen.
JOHNNY
We were wondering if we could rent one of your rooms.
PEARL
Would you be willing to pay the utility bills… and manage
the place?
STEVIE
Yes, Ma’am.
PEARL
And I stay in my apartment over the garage?
JOHNNY
Yes, Ma’am.
PEARL
And you’ll plant a garden, cut the grass… and weed?
JOHNNY
Grass and weed!
Stevie and Johnny look at each other in disbelief.
STEVIE
We’ll do all that.
PEARL
When can you start?
JOHNNY
Right away, Miss Pearl.
PEARL
Right away?
Pearl rises crosses the expanse of carpet and disappears through an archway.
STEVIE
Dude, this place is a gold mine.
JOHNNY
A fool and her money are easily parted.
STEVIE
And there’s one born every minute.
Pearl returns with two crisp hundred-dollar bills. She tears them in half and gives Stevie two halves, and two halves to Johnny.
PEARL
Maurice Jackson said we should pay for the moving
expenses when the kids come to stay.
JOHNNY
Yes, Miss Pearl.
STEVIE
He was a generous man.
Pearl ceremonially kisses Johnny. She kisses Stevie.
MONTAGE – STEVIE AND JOHNNY TAKE UP GARDENING
— Stevie drives a lawn tractor from a shed, mows the overgrown lawns, front, and sides, carries the clippings to the backyard, and spreads them on a plot of ground.
— Johnny attaches a rototiller to the tractor and tills the small plot in the huge backyard.
— Stevie lays out irrigation tubing in the plot.
— Johnny plants seeds in rows.
— Stevie piles grass clippings in furrows between the rows.
— Stevie and Johnny lie prone on the ground admiring rows of eight-inch high marijuana plants and worm castings in the furrows.
END MONTAGE.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – BACKYARD – DAY
Johnny and Stevie run to the plot and look down at the foot-tall marijuana plants laid out in a pile on the ground. Johnny examines one of the plants.
JOHNNY
The roots have been chewed.
STEVIE
Looky here, animal footprints.
JOHNNY
Gotta be one big rat, from the size of those tracks.
STEVIE
I never knew a rat that would display his mischief
like that.
MINUTES LATER
Using a rake handle, Stevie makes a hole in a mound, sticks in the dead marijuana pant, and firms up the ground around it.
Johnny straps a trail camera to a tree.
JOHNNY
We’ll identify the culprit and neutralize it.
STEVIE
Night vision, motion activated. We’ll get him.
JOHNNY
And we’ll terminate the bastard.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – BACKYARD – DAY
Stevie holds his phone for Johnny to see.
ON THE PHONE
A white PUPPY appears and looks about. He goes to the plot, takes one of the withered plants in his mouth, pulls it up, and deposits it on a furrow.
The puppy uproots the plants and places them in a pile. He lifts a leg and urinates on the pile.
BACK TO SCENE
Stevie hands Johnny the phone.
STEVIE
That little –
JOHNNY
We’re gonna have to kill it.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – BACKYARD – NIGHT
Stevie and Johnny lay in wait.
The puppy arrives and looks around. A net falls from above and the puppy is ensnared.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Bound with two bathrobe sashes, the puppy sits on the coffee table, looking back at Johnny and Stevie, who stand hefting kitchen knives.
STEVIE
(to puppy)
Okay, how do you want it?
The puppy cocks his head. He looks at Stevie, looks at Johnny.
JOHNNY
Let’s tie him to the train tracks… or
maybe we could train him.
The puppy vocalizes affirmatively.
STEVIE
No, I think we need to kill him.
The puppy cocks his head as if weighing the gravity of the moment.
STEVIE (CONT’D)
Just kidding. Let’s keep him… You gonna
behave yourself?
Stevie unties the sashes releasing the puppy. He leaps into Stevie’s arms, tail wagging.
JOHNNY
Got a name, little guy…? How ’bout we call
you Chuey?
The puppy leaps into Johnny’s arms and kisses him puppy-style.
EXT. MAIN STREET – DAY
A BARK from Chuey brings the cruising El Camino to a screeching halt in front of a strip mall.
Two MEN on ladders struggle to raise a sign at the entrance of a unit.
Johnny and Stevie leap from the pickup and pitch in.
The four men raise the sign, lower it onto brackets, descend the ladders, and step back to admire the sign. “EXOTIC CAR WRAPS”.
INT. EXOTIC CAR WRAPS – DAY
Stevie stands talking to the skeptical owner and his more skeptical employee. Johnny nods his encouragement.
STEVIE
We own a parking space at the front entrance.
JOHNNY
Everyone’s gonna admire your beautiful work.
We’ll create demand for exotic wraps.
EXT. NEWPORT BAY COLLEGE – PARKING LOT – NIGHT
The El Camino pulls into a parking space. Johnny and Stevie get out.
JOHNNY
Wait in the truck, Chuey. We’ll just be a minute.
Stevie drops the tailgate and takes two plastic parking stops from the bed, carries them to the front of the pickup, and positions them between the lines
Johnny drives stakes with a sledgehammer, securing the stops in place on the asphalt.
Stevie centers a perforated square metal tube in front of the stops.
Johnny drives it in with the hammer.
Stevie bolts on a sign. They step back to admire their work. “RESERVED”
EXT. NEWPORT BAY COLLEGE – PARKING LOT – DAY
The El Camino decked out in eye-popping wrap and a bed liner, pulls into the nearly full lot and parks in the reserved space.
Stevie and Johnny get out. They spot the Bentley.
STEVIE
The road rage girls.
JOHNNY
They want us, Dude.
They climb into the bed of the pickup, open folding chairs, and sit watching cars enter and students, as they head out the entrance.
They spot two dorky-looking well-dressed kids carrying briefcases.
STEVIE
Young man, yeah you. Come here. You too.
The dorks approach.
TALL DORK
Nice paint job!
JOHNNY
You boys freshmen?
SHORT DORK
Yes sir.
STEVIE
I like the cut of your jib.
TALL DORK
My what?
JOHNNY
You boys desirous of pledging a frat?
SHORT DORK
A what?
STEVIE
Do you want to be in a fraternity?
SHORT DORK
A fraternity! Yeah.
STEVIE
Tell you what I’m gonna do. Meet the president
of betta phy hi.
JOHNNY
I need a favor, boys. Run a covert op for me.
TALL DORK
A what?
STEVIE
An operation. To obviate the necessity of exposing our agents.
SHORT DORK
Okay.
Stevie slips his ID card to Johnny who hands each of the dorks an ID and looks at his watch.
JOHNNY
Put these two in the same five classes. Get
back here PDQ and we’ll get you pledged into
betta phy hi.
TALL DORK
You can do that?
STEVIE
And we’ll fix you up with free accommodations.
You pay utilities.
JOHNNY
Lickety-split. You’re on the clock… and mum’s the word.
INT. GYMNASIUM – DAY
Using the ID cards, the two dorks go from table to table registering Johnny and Stevie for classes.
Wary of waiting in line, they spot a course registration table and observe as Dawn and Charlie scan their cards, take receipts, and leave. They look at each other twinkle-eyed.
REGISTRATION TABLE
Tall Dork swipes an ID card, takes a printout from the attendant, and reads. “Management Entrepreneurship, and Technology. Room 312 Maurice Jackson Hall. 09:00 hrs. Wednesday.”
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
With class schedules in hand, Stevie and Johnny enter and take seats in the row behind Dawn and Charlie.
DOCTOR DOUGLAS, a tall stern-faced well-dressed man in his early sixties enters, goes to the blackboard, and writes. “Management Entrepreneurship, and Technology – Douglas”
He returns the chalk and stands behind his desk.
DOCTOR DOUGLAS
You have succeeded in passing business management
and advanced executive management qualifying you to
take MET.
Johnny and Stevie look at each other. Oh oh!
DOCTOR DOUGLAS (CONT’D)
Look to your left, now to your right. One or both
of those people will fail this class due to stupidity
or incompetence.
Douglas goes to the front and sits on the edge of the desk.
DOCTOR DOUGLAS (CONT’D)
The people who take this class are geniuses or those
unaware of my reputation for exposing fools that
darkening these hallowed halls. Douglas looks squarely
at Stevie and Johnny.
DOCTOR DOUGLAS (CONT’D)
Prepare to answer questions on chapters one through
five on Wednesday next. And remember, the simplest is
usually the best answer.
He turns and leaves.
STEVIE
Let’s drop this class before it gets complicated.
JOHNNY
No, Dude. We can do this. What about “It’ll happen
if we believe it will.” Audentes fortuna iuvat.
STEVIE
Yes. Fortune favors the bold.
MONTAGE – JOHNNY AND STEVIE WORK THE SYSTEM
— Johnny puts a sign on a school bulletin board. “FREE ROOMS – NON-NERDS NEED NOT APPLY. You pay utilities.”
— Stevie interviews applicant nerds and selects four very nerdy kids.
— In the elevated basket of an articulating boom lift, one of the nerds operates a nozzle, power washing Pearl’s house.
— Johnny hangs a sign above the front door of Pearl’s house. The Greek letters read, “BETTA FI HI”.
— Stevie puts a sign on a bulletin board. “TUTORIALS $50.00 TWO SESSIONS: MATH – PSYCHOLOGY – COMPUTER SCIENCE – ENGLISH”
— Johnny collects money from kids lined up to register for the tutorials. Dawn and Charlie stand in line.
END MONTAGE.
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Stevie and Johnny enter the mostly empty room and take seats.
Douglas enters, goes to the blackboard, takes chalk, and writes, The Douglas Challenge: “MAKE MONEY WHILE BENEFITING SOMEONE ELSE (USD 100.00)” He returns the chalk and turns.
DOCTOR DOUGLAS
I congratulate those of your colleagues wise enough to have
dropped this class. For the rest of you, you will form a
partnership with one person in this class and proceed
with preparing your business plan for the Douglas challenge.
He points to the blackboard.
DOCTOR DOUGLAS (CONTD)
That sum will be deposited Into each of your accounts
upon registering your MET project. Consider the money
an interest-free loan, payable in full at the end of the
quarter. Multiply your loan by four and you get a C, by
five for a B. For an A, you will need to turn each dollar
into ten. And show exactly how you did it. Your business
plans are due Wednesday next. The best thing you will
ever do will be the thing you do for someone else.
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – NIGHT
Pearl and Chuey watch Stevie and Johnny draw on the carpet.
Working upside down, Johnny draws in the east coast and the southern border of a United States map.
PEARL
If a water pipeline is such a good idea why
didn’t Elon Musk do one?
They sketch in the Great Lakes, the Mississippi, and Ohio rivers. A thick line from east to west through the center of the map.
STEVIE
We’ll need a straws up and down the line.
Johnny draws in a network of connecting lines from flood-prone areas to the thick line.
STEVIE
With what FIMA and the flood insurance companies
pay, they’ll be happy to fund our pipeline.
JOHNNY
We sell the water to Arizona and Nevada so
they can fill Lake Mead.
Chuey scampers over, lifts a leg, and pisses on the drawing.
JOHNNY
Come on, Chuey! Why didn’t you say you had to take
a piss?
STEVIE
Give ‘em a break, Johnny. Maybe he can’t talk.
PEARL
Maybe Chuey has a better idea.
JOHNNY
So Dude, let’s teach him to talk.
STEVIE
How do you propose we do that?
JOHNNY
How did we learn to talk?
STEVIE
Perceptive…! We talk to him enough and he’ll talk
back!
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – BACKYARD – DAY
A frustrated Johnny stands shaking his head. Stevie lies prone on the ground with a puppy sock puppet with big eyes and false eyelashes, on his right hand.
STEVIE
Come on Chuey, Think with me.
Chuey cocks his head and makes a puppy sound.
SOCK PUPPET
You’ve got to think, little guy.
Chuey runs over to the bicycles and stands indicating.
JOHNNY
Chuey want go ride?
EXT. ROAD – DAY
Stevie and Johnny peddle their bikes side by side. Chuey rides on Stevie’s back, in a wraparound baby carrier.
CHUEY
Tree.
JOHNNY
He talked! He said tree.
CHUEY
Tree.
STEVIE
One word ain’t exactly talking.
CHUEY
Dude, pull over. I gotta take a piss.
JOHNNY
Holy shit! I knew he could talk. Stevie, we may
have something here.
STEVIE
Oh Yeah. With some coaching, we could exploit
our little guy.
As they pass an SUV parked on the street, a woman opens the hatch and puts in a Travel Kennel with a cat staring out from the grate.
JOHNNY
You see that, Chuey? Don’t be talkin’ to
strangers, They’ll snatch you up and put you in
a cage like that.
2 Sequence: Reluctant heroes locked into the conflict brought on by the call. Enter the villains of the story, Mr. GORDON and Mr. BRADFORD. They orchestrate the ripoff of Pearl’s house with an ID scam. Pearl gets the LETTER. The boys accompany Pearl to confront the banker, where they plead her case. INCITING INCIDENT Act 1 Plot Point: Lock the protagonist into the transformational journey/main conflict. 13 – 15 pages.
INT. BANK – EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY
The spacious interior is furnished more like a living room than an office. A dark wood desk with classical-style gold legs and inlay gold borders dominates the space. Four chairs face the desk.
Across the room, two plush sofas, separated by a low table, face one another.
Mr. GORDON puts a finger to his lips, closes the door, and leads Mr. BRADFORD over to the far side of the room.
GORDON
A lock Brad, a done deal. It’s a non-juridical foreclosure.
With our power of sale clause, you swoop in and –
BRADFORD
Document forgery is a crime. I’m concerned
about the guy blabbing.
Gordon puts a finger to his lips and assumes a calming tone.
GORDON
The guy’s my brother. In for a third, he’ll cut
his tongue out for five hundred K – –
BRADFORD
Don’t forget who orchestrated the ID scam. Bank
fraud is a crime… What bothers me is blackmail.
What if he decides he wants more?
GORDON
Simmer Brad, it’s under control. By September
we’ll have it free and clear. You just make sure the
engineering is in place so we can break ground in
October.
BRADFORD
We on for dinner tonight?
GORDON
Ambrosia’s, eight-thirty.
INT. AMBROSIA’S – NIGHT
The crowded room is tastefully decorated in Grecian decor, columns, alabaster statuary, and the whole nine yards.
At a round table, Bradford, Dawn, Mrs. BRADFORD, Gordon, Charlie, and Mrs. GORDON sit chatting.
A busgirl sweeps the tablecloth and goes. The hovering waiter centers a low-profile bouquet and with a fairy-like flourish, takes his leave.
BRADFORD
Dawn looked at the architect’s drawings today.
She picked a nice penthouse suite for herself
and one for Charlie.
DAWN
I thought I’d do mine in all pink and gold, Mommy.
MRS BRADFORD
Oh, honey, your taste has always been impeccable.
Two waiters arrive and place menus in front of each person.
DAWN
Daddy, order something sweet for me.
GORDON
Dessert, Charlie?
CHARLIE
Sharly, s’il vous plaît, Papa.
GORDON
Have some dessert, Sharly.
CHARLIE
Sharly is too sweet for dessert, Papa.
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY
Stevie and Johnny dress for school while Chuey watches.
JOHNNY
You be a good boy while we’re gone.
STEVIE
And don’t bother Miss Pearl. If she calls, go
see what she wants.
Johnny fills a bowl with water and places it on a mat next to a dish full of dog food.
JOHNNY
Use your doggy door if you have to do your
business.
Using a controller, Stevie turns on the TV, sets it to the Animal channel, and tosses the controller on his bed.
Chuey takes up a position three feet in front of the TV and sits.
Johnny slips his hand into a sock puppet and sticks it in Chuey’s face.
SOCK PUPPET
Bye, Chuey
Chuey gives him a “Have you lost what was left of your mind.” look.
STEVIE
Be a good boy.
They exit leaving the door open a crack.
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY
PLACEHOLDER They return from school to find:
Chuey sitting in the same spot fixedly watching Charles Payne as he rhapsodizes on a stock.
JOHNNY
What’s the fascination with a business channel?
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT INCITING INCIDENT
Johnny, with the sock puppet on his right hand, and Stevie, sit on the floor talking to Chuey.
Pearl enters, glances over, and continues out of the room.
STEVIE
That was a gourmet spread, Miss Pearl.
JOHNNY
And don’t say it was Mister Jackson who taught
you to cook.
Doorbell RINGTONE.
Pearl (OS)
I’ll get it.
Pearl. (CONT’D)
Yes?
COURRIER (OS)
Courrier, Ma’am. Special delivery. Sign here, please?
Pearl returns with a receipt and a Manila envelope in hand.
PEARL
Oh, my. What does the County Recorder’s Office want
with me?
She hands the receipt to Johnny and the envelope to Stevie who opens it.
JOHNNY
What a beautiful signature! You write like
a calligrapher, Miss Pearl!!
STEVIE
(reading)
Notice of Default!
PEARL
What does it mean, Stevie?
STEVIE
(reading)
During the twenty-one-day period after the Notice of Sale
is recorded, any person or institution with an interest
in the property described below has the right to
redeem said property up until the nonjudicial
foreclosure sale/auction – –
JOHNNY
Leme see that.
He takes the letter.
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
(reading)
You have up until five days before the foreclosure
sale to cure the default and stop the process by
reinstating your loan.
PEARL
What loan? There’s never been a loan on my
property.
INT. BANK – EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY
Pearl and the boys are ushered in by a secretary. Bradford stands to greet them.
BRADFORD
Please be seated, Miss. Jackson.
(to boys)
And you are?
STEVIE
Stephen Miller, that’s John Grant. We’re
the nephews.
PEARL
There must be a mistake.
Johnny eyeballs a baseball in a display cube on Bradford’s desk. The inscription on its base reads, “Mickey Mantle Home Run # 536”
Bradford produces a loan document and shows them Pearl’s signature and the loan amount of $1.5 million.
BRADFORD
There it is in black and white, Gentlemen.
Pearl Jackson has never made a payment
on this loan now one hundred and twenty
seven days in arrears.
STEVIE
How much was the payments?
Bradford points to the document.
BRADFORD
Right there. Fifteen-year mortgage at five point
four two percent. There’s your monthly debt service.
Pearl looks, flinches, grasps, and clutches Stevie’s arm.
PEARL
Every month?
BRADFORD
Or a lump sum payoff. As the bank holds the
mortgage, we can force the sale of the property
to cover the remaining debt amount.
Pearl bursts into tears. Stevie goes over and tries to console her.
JOHNNY
Yeah, we got that from your letter. Can I see
your ball?
Bradford hands Johnny the encased ball.
JOHNNY
Oh, oh, Mickey misspelled his name. Mantle is
with an L- E, not E- L.
INT. EL CAMINO – MOVING – NIGHT
Pearl sits with Chuey on her lap crying. Stevie at the window and Johnny driving.
STEVIE
Dude, this is identity theft. Someone’s used Pear’s
signature to take a loan on her property.
PEARL
(crying)
What are we to do, boys? This is all so impossible.
JOHNNY
Don’t cry, Miss Pearl. We’ll figure something out.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – BACKYARD – DAY TURNING POINT 1
Stevie and Johnny follow Chuey. The puppy takes off chasing a grasshopper. They turn and look back toward the house where Pearl stands, hose in hand, sprinkling her flower garden.
Johnny
Find the one who signed that ball and we
got the one that forged her signature.
STEVIE
Doable. But we need to make some fast
money.
JOHNNY
This is the real challenge. We deal with this or
Miss Pearl loses everything —
STEVIE
And there goes our side hustle. Confucius
say, money talkie and bullshit walkie.
JOHNNY
Chuey’s been watching the business channel.
Maybe he can pick a few winners.
STEVIE
Alea iacta est.
JOHNNY
The die is cast.
3 Sequence: Johnny and Stevie actively work to solve Pearl’s problem. They do the Stock market with Chuey, sell the stocks, and take the money to the banker. The Banker sweet-talks the boys and offers them apprenticeships if they cooperate and abandon the old lady. He must get them to stop looking into this. The boys see a Mickey Mantle baseball on Brdford’s desk. Mickey Mantle is misspelled. Could be that the forger of Pearl’s signature on the loan document? Gorden informs Bradford that his brother is attempting to blackmail them. B Story: Fun and Games: 12-14 pages
EXT. BEACH – DAY
Johnny uses a stick of driftwood to scrawl stock market ticker symbols in the sand.
Chuey watches.
JOHNNY
Let’s try a few more.
Stevie smooths out the sand with a foot and holds his phone for Johnny to see.
Johnny scratches out five more stock symbols.
Chuey cocks his head and looks up at them. He looks away.
STEVIE
This ain’t gonna work.
Johnny looks at the phone and scribbles five more symbols in the sand.
Chuey runs over to a symbol and indicates, tail wagging.
MONTAGE – PLAYING THE MARKET
— Stevie and Johnny open a brokerage account and deposit some money.
— They buy three stocks and watch them climb in value.
— Chuey picks more stocks.
— They buy more stocks and celebrate as they watch their portfolio increase in value.
END MONTAGE.
They sell the stocks, Pearl scrapes up her savings and they take the money to the Bank.
The banker takes the money and informs them that they’ve bought five days. Foreclosure proceedings will resume next week.
EXT/INT. TREE – BRADFORD RESIDENCE LIBRARY – NIGHT
Dawn reclines in pajamas, on a branch outside a second-story window, talking on her phone. She goes quiet when she sees Bradford and Gordon enter the library.
DAWN
(into phone)
She’s in for an oil change. Hang on. Your
dad’s here! They’re in the library.
She moves to conceal herself the the leaves and listens.
GORDON
He said we pay up or he spills the beans.
BRADFORD
We’ve got real trouble if this gets out.
GORDON
I’ll skin that little weasel alive. I’m calling mother.
He produces his phone, taps it, and waits.
GORDON
(into phone)
Mother, call JG.
He puts his phone in his pocket
BRADFORD
That scammin’ little son of a bitch! And here’s a
news flash. Those collector balls he sold us,
the signatures are forged.
Phone RINGTONE. Gorden takes his phone.
GORDON
I want to talk to mother… Someone I want
permanently silenced … I don’t give a shit how
you do it. Use your head… 231 Shadow Lane…
Short blond hair… five feet tall. ASAP.
Bradford goes to the open window, closes and locks it.
DAWN
(into phone)
Shadow lane? That’s my Uncle Jimmy’s house.
Call you right back.
EXT. ROAD – vehicle – NIGHT
Charlie at the wheel, Dawn riding shotgun, She lays her phone on the seat.
DAWN
He’s still not answering.
CHARLIE
I love the pajama outfit.
DAWN
Can we speed up a little?
The vehicle accelerates.
LOCATION – NIGHT
Stevie and Johnny sit looking at Johnny’s phone.
STEVIE
Try Yogi Berra memorabilia.
Johnny taps his phone.
JOHNNY
Here we go.
(reading)
Yogi Berra C-O-L-E-C-T-E-R baseball for sale.
Best offer. Bring cash to 231 Shadow Lane.
STEVIE
Logic and spelling not his strong suits.
STEVIE
Could be our man. Let’s go see.
EXT. 231 SHADOW LANE – NIGHT
The El Camino rolls up to a rundown yellow one-bedroom house. As it circles to the back, the boys note the two vehicles parked in the side yard. The pickup stops next to three plastic trash bins.
The boys get out and head for the back door.
JOHNNY
Wait in the truck, Chuey.
A black Hummer with a PEAKED-LOOKING THUG at the wheel rolls up and parks on the street.
A TALL SKINNY THUG climbs out from the back seat and assists a SHORT FAT THUG to the ground, he brings out two coils of cotton rope and pushes the door shut. The three head for the house.
INT. 231 SHADOW LANE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Stevie and Johnny enter and see Dawn helping Jimmy to put on a shirt. Charlie hurries in wheeling a carry-on bag.
DAWN
What are you doing here?
STEVIE
We need a word with this guy.
DAWN
Not now, please. We have to hurry.
The three thugs burst in, Short Fat brandishing a chrome-plated revolver.
SHORT FAT THUG
Police business. Everyone stay where you are.
PEAKED-LOOKING THUG
Up against the wall and no one gets hurt.
Tall Skinny throws Jimmy against the wall and brings his hands behind him.
Peaked drops the rope, produces a tie wrap, binds Jimmy’s hands, picks up the coils, and stands panting.
SHORT FAT THUG
When you catch your breath you can tie up
these four people.
PEAKED-LOOKING THUG
We ain’t got enough for four people. Gut.
We only got two ropes.
SHORT FAT THUG
Use your head, you moron. Tie ‘em together.
Tall Skinny goes to Peaked, takes a rope end from each coil, and ties them together.
SHORT FAT THUG
Not the rope, moron, tie the people. Use your
head.
TALL SKINNY THUG
How am I supposed to tie people with my head?
INT. 231 SHADOW LANE – LIVING ROOM – LATER
Johnny and Charlie sit back to back on a chair with a rope coiled, elbow to armpit, binding them.
On the floor, Stevie and Dawn lay face to face, with a rope coiled around them.
DAWN
Stop struggling, Stevie. The ropes are hurting me.
JOHNNY
Call Chuey.
STEVIE
Not so fast. I think I’m liking this.
DAWN
Chuey.
JOHNNY
All together now, on three. Two and, three.
The four bellow in unison, CHUEY.
EXT. 231 SHADOW LANE – EL CAMINO – NIGHT
Chuey’s ears go up. He jumps up and stands on the front seat looking out the open window.
THE FOUR VOICES (OS)
CHUEY.
He scampers to the doorsill, teeters, and jumps. He bounces on the trash bin’s lid, lands on the ground, and runs to the open door.
INT. 231 SHADOW LANE – LIVING ROOM
Chuey stands looking at the four trussed-up people.
JOHNNY
Good boy, Chuey. Untie us.
Chuey goes to Johnny and looks up.
CHARLIE
Untie your Stevie, Chuey.
Chuey runs over to Stevie and Dawn. He takes the knotted rope-end in his mouth and tugs, tightening the rope.
STEVIE
It’s woven through the coils, Chuey.
Gotta pull where it goes in.
Chuey bites the loop where the rope enters the first coil, pulls it up, and gnaws on it.
STEVIE
Take your time, Chuey.
LATER
Chuey leaves the frayed loop, returns to the knot end, takes it in his mouth, pulls out a short piece of rope, and backs up thrashing the rope left to right as he goes.
He returns to the frayed end of the rope coiled around Stevie and Dawn, takes it in his teeth, and braces himself.
Stevie and Dawn roll, unwinding the coil from abound their bodies.
JOHNNY
Good boy, Chuey.
EXT. BANK – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: The Thugs deliver Jimmy to Gordon and Bradford, who locks him in the vault.
4 Sequence: The fun continues with the boys staging a night of entertainment. But it backfires when they use Chuey in their ventriloquist act and Chuey embarrasses the girls abruptly ending what was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. No one believes there’s a talking dog. They think Stevie has insulted the girls. Act 2 TP: Midpoint – The journey remains the same, but the meaning/context of the story changes hugely. 12-14 pages
INT. COLLEGE GYMNASIUM – DAY
Noisy kids mill about in the crowded room, now arranged with rows of folding chairs and a platform stage.
Stevie enters carrying Chuey and a dunce stool. He steps up on the platform, sets the stool, and places Chuey on it.
STEVIE
Take your seats, Barbarians. Prepare
to be entertained. Ladies may proceed
to the front.
The kids scramble for chairs. Dawn, Charlie, and several other girls take front-row seats.
Johnny enters wearing a cape and a dunce hat. He steps to the platform and stands at the far side posing.
TALL DORK
Let’s get the show on the road.
STEVIE
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the
great Jonathan.
CHUEY
Welcome to the debut of the world’s greatest
ventriloquist.
The kids applaud.
SHORT DORK
Johnny’s lips moved. We’re not impressed,
Oh, great one.
JOHNNY
Observe my puppet dog and watch closely.
STEVIE
Who will lend me a sock?
A kid tears off his shoes, removes his socks, stuffs one into the other, and tosses the wad at Stevie.
He catches it.
STEVIE (CONT’D)
A belt? Anyone? A belt?
Dawn removes her belt, rolls it up, and tosses it to Stevie.
Stevie goes to Johnny, stuffs the socks wad into his mouth, puts the belt around his head, and tightens the gag in place.
Johnny raises his arms with a flourish and throws the focus to Chuey.
CHUEY
(to Charlie)
You’re lookin’ good there, Charlie. Want
to fool around … again?
The kids roar with laughter.
SHORT DORK
Let’s have no more of that.
CHUEY
Shut up.
(to Dawn)
Hi Sweets. I like the way you stripped off that belt.
Get up here and show us some skin.
CHARLIE
That’s humiliating!
Charlie and Dawn get up and make for the door.
DAWN
Stevie Miller, you will never speak to me again,
not ever again.
CHARLIE
And that goes double for you, Johnny Grant.
They run out, crying.
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Turning Point 1 Scenes
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” This is where the writer jolts the hero into awareness of the gravity of the predicament he faces. Put him in a situation where his options are “kill or be killed”, metaphorically that is.
Outline your Act 1 Turning Point.
BEGINNING: Boys ponder the problem.
MIDDLE: Boys weigh the consequences of inaction.
END: Boys identify the improbable path they must pursue and resolve to take it.
Write your Act 1 Turning Point.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – BACKYARD – DAY TURNING POINT 1
Stevie and Johnny follow Chuey. The puppy takes off chasing a grasshopper. They turn and look back toward the house where Pearl stands, hose in hand, sprinkling her flower garden.
Johnny
Find the one who signed that ball and we
got the one that forged her signature.
STEVIE
Doable. But we need to make some fast
money.
JOHNNY
This is the real challenge. We deal with this or
Miss Pearl loses everything —
STEVIE
And there goes our side hustle… Confucius
say, money talkie and bullshit walkie.
JOHNNY
Chuey’s been watching the business channel.
Maybe he can pick a few winners.
STEVIE
Alea iacta est.
JOHNNY
The die is cast.
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Inciting Incident
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” These two pivotal scenes are crucial in the structure of a screenplay. They can be crafted to do many things including setting the tone, showing the genre, raising curiosity and hooking the reader, and foreshadowing what is to come.
Outline Key Scenes 2 for Act 1.
Write your Inciting Incident scene.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT INCITING INCIDENT
BEGINNING: Pearl gets a Notice of Default in the mail. There must be a mistake!
MIDDLE: Pearl and the boys go to the bank and confront the banker who produces the (forged) loan document proving that Pearl has taken a loan for 1.5 million dollars.
END: Johnny sees a collector baseball on the banker’s desk and realizes the signature on the ball is misspelled. Pearl and the boys know the loan docs are bogus. Now they must unmask the forger or Pearl could lose her property.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT INCITING INCIDENT
Johnny, with the sock puppet on his right hand, and Stevie, sit on the floor talking to Chuey.
Pearl enters, glances over, and continues out of the room.
STEVIE
That was a gourmet spread, Miss Pearl.
JOHNNY
And don’t say it was Mister Jackson who taught
you to cook.
Doorbell RINGTONE.
Pearl (OS)
I’ll get it.
Pearl. (CONT’D)
Yes?
COURRIER (OS)
Courrier, Ma’am. Special delivery. Sign here, please?
Pearl returns with a receipt and a Manila envelope in hand.
PEARL
Oh, my. What does the County Recorder’s Office
want with me?
She hands the receipt to Johnny and the envelope to Stevie who opens it.
JOHNNY
What a beautiful signature! You write like a
calligrapher, Miss Pearl!!
STEVIE
(reading)
Notice of Default!
PEARL
What does it mean, Stevie?
STEVIE
(reading)
During the 21-day period after the Notice of Sale
is recorded, any person or institution with an interest
in the property described below has the right to
redeem said property up until the nonjudicial
foreclosure sale/auction – –
JOHNNY
Leme see that.
He takes the letter.
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
(reading)
You have up until 5 days before the foreclosure
sale to cure the default and stop the process by
reinstating your loan.
PEARL
What loan? There’s never been a loan on my
property.
INT. BANK – EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY
Pearl and the boys are ushered in by a secretary. Bradford stands to greet them.
BRADFORD
Please be seated, Miss. Jackson.
(to boys)
And you are?
STEVIE
Stephen Miller, that’s John Grant. We’re
the nephews.
PEARL
There must be a mistake.
Johnny eyeballs a baseball in a display cube on Bradford’s desk. The inscription on the cube’s base reads, “Mickey Mantle Home Run # 536”
Bradford produces a loan document and shows them Pearl’s signature and the loan amount of $1.5 million.
BRADFORD
There it is in black and white, Gentlemen.
Pearl Jackson has never made a payment
on this loan now one hundred and twenty-seven days in arrears.
STEVIE
How much is each payment?
Bradford points to the document.
BRADFORD
Right there. Fifteen-year mortgage at five point
four two percent. There’s your monthly debt service.
Pearl looks, She recoils at what she sees.
PEARL
Every month?
BRADFORD
Or a lump sum payoff… As the bank holds the
mortgage, we can force the sale of the property
to cover the remaining debt amount.
Pearl bursts into tears. Stevie goes over and tries to console her.
JOHNNY
Yeah, we got that from your letter. Can I see
your ball?
Bradford hands Johnny the encased ball.
Johnny turns the transparent cube in his hands, examining the baseball.
JOHNNY
Oh, oh, Mickey misspelled his name. Mantle is
with an L- E, not E- L.
Outline Key Scenes 3 REACTION for Act 1.
BEGINNING: Perl and the boys drive in the El Camino and assess the impact of what they’ve learned.
MIDDLE: Pearl dispairs, seeing the gravity of the problem they face.
END: The Boys assure Pearl that they won’t abandon her. They’ll find a way to save her property and keep her in her home no matter what it takes.
Write the scene (sequence) for the Reaction to the Inciting Incident.
INT. EL CAMINO – MOVING – NIGHT INCITING INCIDENT REACTION
Pearl sits crying with Chuey on her lap. Stevie at the window and Johnny driving.
STEVIE
Dude, this is identity theft. Someone’s used
Miss Pear’s signature to take a loan on her property.
PEARL
(crying)
What are we to do, boys? This is all so impossible.
JOHNNY
Don’t cry, Miss Pearl. We’ll figure something out.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – BACKYARD – DAY
Stevie and Johnny follow Chuey. The puppy takes off chasing a grasshopper. They turn and look back toward the house where Pearl stands, hose in hand, sprinkling her flower garden.
Johnny
Find the one who signed that ball and we
got the one who forged her signature.
STEVIE
Doable. But we need to make some fast
money.
JOHNNY
This is the real challenge. We deal with this or
Miss Pearl loses everything —
STEVIE
And there goes our side hustle. Confucius
say, money talkie and bullshit walkie.
JOHNNY
Chuey’s been watching the business channel.
Maybe he can pick a few winners.
STEVIE
Alea iacta est.
JOHNNY
The die is cast.
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Act 1: Opening Sequence
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” First impressions must say a lot in a screenplay as it is the writer’s opportunity to introduce the main character, indicate the genre, make the promise of the premise, and set the tone. Then it’s up to the writer to not disappoint with the other ninety pages.
Go to your Beat Sheet and find the opening scene and a second lead character introduction. Create a simple outline for those two scenes.
INT. JOHNNY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT – OPENING SCENE
BEGINNING: Two BOYS use their fingers to draw a schematic on the carpet. They are planning a daring and impossible stunt.
MIDDLE: The boys reinforce each other’s belief that the impossible stunt can be completed successfully if they believe they can do it.
END: The boys perform the death-defying stunt astounding themselves and their classmates with their audacious accomplishment.
INT. BANK – EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY – SECOND LEAD CHARACTER’S INTRODUCTION
BEGINNING: A BANKER attempts to quiet his BUILDER accomplice by informing him that the plan to swindle an old lady out of her property is foolproof and that he need not worry.
MIDDLE: We learn that there is an ID scam afoot and that the Banker’s brother is the one who has forged the old lady’s signature on a loan document.
END: The banker and the builder go to dinner with their beautiful seventeen-year-old daughters and we learn that the girls are their unwitting secret weapon.
2. Write your Opening scene (sequence) that introduces my protagonist.
FADE IN:
INT. JOHNNY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Using a finger, STEVIE MILLER, a B student who never took a book home, and is proud of it, draws a sequence diagram on the carpet.
It’s a Rube Goldberg scenario illustrating how an impossible series of events might unfold.
JOHNNY GRANT, a kid who breezed through high school with As, but does everything he can to disguise his ability to identify, analyze, and solve problems, ponders.
JOHNNY
Why should we have to prove gravity, it’s
axiomatic.
STEVIE
It’s our final project, Johnny, and we’re outta here.
JOHNNY
Okay, they asked for it.
STEVIE
Okay then, A goes down the slide and drops off
the building –
JOHNNY
Stevie, Stevie, we’re gonna need more speed.
Using a finger, Johnny writes upside down on the carpet. “Force = Mass X Acceleration”
Stevie draws a taller building with a slanted roof.
STEVIE
Okay, think with me. A goes off a roof onto a
water slide and drops to the seesaw.
JOHNNY
You think it before you can do it.
STEVIE
It’ll happen if we believe it will.
EXT. LATIN HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
The all-male student body looks in silence as, from a second-story window, a hula hoop is dangled from a bamboo pole.
A ground-floor window opens, and two boys extend a pole with a keg at its end.
All eyes look up at Stevie. He stands teetering precariously on a skateboard, on the crest of a three-story building’s slanted roof.
He launches, rumbles cattywampus across the clay tile, leaps the alley, drops, and comes down hard on a water slide on the flat roof of the adjacent two-story structure.
The students scream and applaud wildly.
Stevie picks up speed, goes airborne, turns a flip, kicks the skateboard away, and drops to a seesaw, launching Johnny over to a trampoline propped on its edge.
Johnny bounces off a trampoline, up through the hula hoop, turns a flip over Stevie’s head, rolls over the keg, flips, and crashes down on the seesaw.
Stevie is catapulted up to the top of the two-story building.
STEVIE
Ah, the summit of life, Dude. We’re about to
granulate high school.
JOHNNY
Johnny’s first law of gravity says, what
goes up must come down so get down
from there. We’re going to college.
3. Write the scene (sequence) that introduces the Antagonist.
INT. BANK – EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY
The spacious interior is furnished more like a living room than an office. A dark wood desk with classical-style gold legs and inlay gold borders dominates the space. Four chairs face the desk.
Across the room, two plush sofas, separated by a low table, face one another.
Mr. GORDON puts a finger to his lips, closes the door, and leads Mr. BRADFORD over to the far side of the room.
GORDON
A lock Brad, a done deal. It’s a non-juridical foreclosure.
With our power of sale clause, you swoop in and –
BRADFORD
Document forgery is a crime. I’m concerned
about the guy blabbing.
Gordon puts a finger to his lips and assumes a calming tone.
GORDON
The guy’s my brother. In for a third, he’ll cut
his tongue out for five hundred K – –
BRADFORD
Don’t forget who orchestrated the ID scam. Bank
fraud is a crime… What bothers me is blackmail.
What if he decides he wants more?
GORDON
Simmer Brad, it’s under control. By September
we’ll have it free and clear. You just make sure the
engineering is in place so we can break ground in
October.
BRADFORD
We on for dinner tonight?
GORDON
Ambrosia’s, eight-thirty.
INT. AMBROSIA’S – NIGHT
The crowded room is tastefully decorated in Grecian decor, columns, alabaster statuary, and the whole nine yards.
At a round table, Bradford, Dawn, Mrs. BRADFORD, Gordon, Charlie, and Mrs. GORDON sit chatting.
A busgirl sweeps the tablecloth and goes. The hovering waiter centers a low-profile bouquet and with a fairy-like flourish, takes his leave.
BRADFORD
Dawn looked at the architect’s drawings today.
She picked a nice penthouse suite for herself
and one for Charlie.
DAWN
I thought I’d do mine in all pink and gold, Mommy.
MRS BRADFORD
Oh, honey, your taste has always been impeccable.
Two waiters arrive and place menus in front of each person.
DAWN
Daddy, order something sweet for me.
GORDON
Dessert, Charlie?
CHARLIE
Sharly, s’il vous plaît, Papa.
GORDON
Have some dessert, Sharly.
CHARLIE
Sharly is too sweet for dessert, Papa.
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Baking the multi-layered cake provides many opportunities to insert the sweet stuff. Rewriting in passes is a great way to get the icing in the cake.
Beat Sheet for High-Speed Writing
FOOLPROOF
ACT I
1 Sequence: Opening Image: Impossible situation that works. #1 Theme Stated: Anything is doable if you think it’s doable. theme Set-Up: Show boys as frivolous and self-serving.
INT. JOHNNY’S HOUSE – DAY
JOHNNY and STEVIE in their status quo and end the sequence with a call to adventure and the story’s main tension.
EXT, LATIN HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
The boys perform a super difficult trick reinforcing their belief that they can do anything they put their minds to. theme
EXT. DIRT ROAD – DAY
The boys drive their El Camino on their way to College. They encounter two beautiful girls in a Bentley convertible and fall in love. The girls live in a college town where their fathers are rich and influential.
INT GREYSTONE HOUSE – DAY
The boys find a place to live. The landlady is a sweet old lady who dreams only of having a nice garden and the children she never had playing in her backyard. theme
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
TE 1: INCITING INCIDENT: The Professor Douglas Challenge, Can you make money while benefiting someone else? #2 Theme Stated: The best thing you will ever do will be the thing you do for someone else.
Debate: Should we accept the challenge? Audentes fortuna iuvat = “Fortune favors the bold.” 13-15 pages.
2 Sequence: Reluctant heroes locked into the conflict brought on by the call.
INT. BANK – DAY
Mr. GORDON, the builder, and Mr. BRADFORD, the banker, the fathers of the two girls, orchestrate the ripoff of Pearl’s house with an ID scam that borrows against her property.
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – DAY
Pearl, a sweet old lady gets the LETTER from the bank announcing the foreclosure.
INT. BANK – DAY Antagonist Journey
The boys accompany Pearl to confront the banker, where they plead her case and fail. theme
TE 2: (Boys learn that working within the system yields nothing.)
INT. LOCATION – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Get the girls in here.
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – DAY
Johnny: “This is the real challenge, Dude, we deal with this or there goes our side hustle”. Dude, this is doable we can help Pearl and ourselves. theme Alea iacta est = “the die is cast,” Plot Point 1, Break into ACT II. 13-15 pages.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – BADKYARD – DAY
The boys plant marijuana in the back yard and the plants are uprooted by a puppy who has entered the property. The boys capture the puppy and teach him to talk.
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – DAY
The puppy watches TV, ignores the Animal Channel, and keeps turning to the Business Channel. Puppy watches Charles Payne and learns about the stock market.
ACT 2.
3 Sequence: Johnny and Stevie actively working to solve Pearl’s problem.
EXT. BEACH DAY
Boys get the dog to pick stocks. theme
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – DAY
They do the Stock market thing with Chuey and sell the stocks, Pearl cashes in her CD and the boys take all the money to the banker. theme
INT. BANK – DAY Antagonist Journey
The banker takes their money and tells them they’ve bought a five-day reprieve.
TE 3: (Can’t trust anyone when money is involved)
Banker sweet-talks the boys and offers them apprenticeships if they cooperate and abandon the old lady. He must get them to stop looking into this. The boys see a Mickey Mantle baseball on Brdford’s desk. Mickey Mantle is misspelled.
Could it be that the person who forged Pearl’s signature on the loan document is the same one who forged Mickey Mantle’s signature?
PLACEHOLDER
Get the girls involved here. 12-14 pages
4 Sequence: The boys must suspend their forger search to perform in the scheduled night of entertainment at school.
INT. SCHOOL – DAY
The boys’ good intentions backfire when they use Chuey in their ventriloquist act and Chuey embarrasses the girls abruptly ending what was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. No one believes there’s a talking dog. They think Stevie has insulted the girls.
INT. BANK – DAY Antagonist Journey
Villains sic their daughters on the boys. They must distract the prying eyes.
INT. SCHOOL – DAY
Boys and girls get together and head out. The boys think they are slick and that they will soon score.
INT/EXT. BRADFORD RESIDENCE – NIGHT Antagonist Journey
Charlie feeds Johnny peyote and Johnny hallucinates his greatest sexual fantasies. As Charlie beacons from a lounge, Johnny approaches to see Charlie’s skeleton emerge from the naked body and dance on the surface of the swimming pool while singing the Andrew Sisters “Oh, Johnny, Oh, Johnny how you can love.”
The boys thought they were in control, but the girls are manipulating them.
TE 4: Boys realize that things are not always as they appear to be. They’re not as slick as they thought they were. 12-14 pages.
ACT III
5 Sequence: Bigger Bolder plan. The boys succeed in teaching Chuey to talk and they believe he is thinking clearly. Now they must track down the forger. theme
INT/EXT. BRADFORD RESIDENCE – TREE – NIGHT Antagonist Journey
Gorden informs Bradford that his brother is attempting to blackmail them. He wants more money for forging the signature on the loan document.
IN THE TREE
Dawn hears their conversation during which she realizes that they’re screaming to harm her uncle Jimmy. She’ll warn him. theme
SOMEWHERE
The boys get a lead on the whereabouts of the and head out to confront him. theme
INT JIMMY’S HOUSE – NIGHT Antagonist Journey
The girls, the boys, and three Thugs converge at Jimmy’s house where the Thugs tie up the boys and girls and abscond with Timmy. 12-14 pages.
TE 5: The boys are not as smart as they think they are. They’ve been outwitted again.
6 Sequence: ALL IS LOST, no solution in sight.
BACKYARD
The boys walk and worry evaluating their circumstances. What a mess, and now Pearl is suffering from deep depression and despair. Dark Night of the Soul. theme
TE 6: Drastic danger requires drastic measures. Perhaps Chuey can help?
Then it occurs to them. “Chuey, What do you know about horses?” theme Plot Point 2 or Break into Three: 12-14 pages.
Act IV
7 Sequence: The RESOLUTION.
EXT. DEL MAR RACETRACK – DAY
Stevie & Johnny go to the track. Chuey gathers intelligence from the horses on what bets to place. The boys and Chuey consult an old man who explains the fine points of placing bets. They make several bets and win all. theme
TE 7: it is by our self-reliance, creativity, and persistence that we will succeed.
STANDS AND RAIL Antagonist Journey
The villains and daughters are there. Villains get worried when they see the boys winning several races, collecting big and stashing the loot in Johnny’s backpack. “Oh. oh, enough money to reinstate the loan and squash the foreclosure. Villians make a call.
DEL MAR BAR
As the boys celebrate, they get a call, Pearl has fainted and upon being revived is calling for them. theme
TICKET WINDOW
They collect their race eleven winnings and leave.
DEL MAR PARKING – LOT Antagonist Journey
As they reach the El Camino and exit the lot, a black Hummer with three THUGS follow and the chase is on.
VARIOUS ROADS
During the chase, Johnny bails and Stevie leads the Thugs on a merry chase.
ROAD Antagonist Journey
The thugs catch Stevie when the El Camino goes into a ditch. They put a good beating on him, take the backpack, and leave.
A LOCATION Antagonist Journey
The thugs open the backpack and find Chuey.
ANOTHER LOCATION Antagonist Journey
The thugs deliver the backpack to the limo where the villains wait. V opens the backpack and sees Chuey. Chuey has been snatched. 12-14 pages
8 Sequence:
Johnny and an old Mexican farmer arrive and pull the El Camino from the ditch. theme
PLACEHOLDER: Rescue Chuey scene. Theme
INT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – DAY
They return and tell Pearl that she won’t lose her property. They’ve given the money to an attorney who will settle with the banker. Pearl recovers. theme
MONTAGE
All the loose ends are tied up. The banker and the builder are brought to justice, Antagonist’s Journey ENDS. The boys are reunited with the girls. The boys get their money back.
TE 8: The best thing you will ever do will be the thing you do for someone else.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – OBSERVATION DECK – DAY
Final Image: Pearl, the girls, and the boys stand looking down on the backyard. Pearl has her garden and lots of little gardener children working and playing in her backyard. theme 12 pages.
-
Lesson 6: Transformational Events
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Transformational Events
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” This exercise is the perfect formula for describing the arc.
The BOYS start the movie as young, naïve, selfish,
and exploitative. <div>OLD WAYS
Self-centered and selfish – They think they can do no wrong and show that they are in it for themselves.
Naïve – They think they can outwit the banker.
Conceited & Arrogant – Looking to Exploit Girls. – Girls turn the tables on the boys and make fools of them.
Out to snooker others for self-benefit – They rip off a man in the parking lot.
NEW WAYS
Compassion: They are profoundly moved when they see a woman in need.
Responsible: They decide to intervene to help the woman but fail as they are no match for their advocacies.
Honorable: They do the right thing by the girls but come to realize that they are being manipulated by the girls. They must grow up and wise up and fast.
Fortitude: Realizing that they are up against insurmountable odds, they back off, evaluate, and recommit to the fight.
Altruism: They face the superior deadly forces of the coalition to rescue the old lady.
The BOYS’ lives are changed by these transformational events. At the end of the movie, the boys are upstanding mature young men willing to serve others and society in general.
These scenes are to be integrated in my outline.
</div>
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard 4 Act Transformational Structure
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” It is a beautiful way to think it through and to prepare and place the essential elements into an outline before putting pen to paper.
Create a first draft of your 4 Act Transformational Structure.
1. Give us the following for the PROTAGONIST:
Concept: When
two Inexperienced frivolous young boys witness an injustice in the making, they step up and confront a powerful coalition of forces to save an old
lady’s property. <div>Main Conflict: Struggle to prevent old lady’s property
from being stolen by a powerful coalition of a Banker/Builder and others.<div>
Old Way: The BOYS are self-centered, naive, and out to
exploit girls and snooker others for their benefit.The New Way: The
BOYS put childish things behind them and sacrifice all to save an old lady
and her property.Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.
Act 1:
Opening: Boys
are frivolous and irresponsible. </div><div>Inciting
Incident: Professor Douglas’s Business class issues “The Douglas Challenge”: “Can you make money while benefiting someone else?”Turning Point
Their landlady gets a letter from the bank informing her that she has defaulted
on her loan and that her property is being foreclosed.Act 2:
New plan: Boys
must confront the Banker and inform him that the lady never took out a
loan against her property. </div><div>Plan in action: They
will reason with the banker and convince him that he’s made a mistake.Midpoint Turning
Point: The boys discover that the banker’s brother forged the lady’s signature
and took the loan on the old lady’s property. She’s been scammed.Act 3:
Rethink
everything: Now they must find the forger. Dead end. </div><div>New plan: They
raise some money and take it to pay an installment on the old lady’s loan
only to be told that the foreclosure will proceed. They’ve bought five lousy
days.Turning Point:
Huge failure / Major shift: Desperate and with the date of the foreclosure
sale approaching, they go to the track, bet, and win big.Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict: The boys beat the banker at his game, get the
money, and pay off the loan.Resolution: The
boys win and the banker loses when they catch the forger and make him
confess that the Banker is behind the ID scam and the forged loan
document.Once you have created the 4-Act Structure for your Protagonist, go back over it to see if there is any big-picture points you need to add to represent your Antagonist.
Create a first draft of your 4 Act Transformational Structure.
Give us the following for the ANTAGONIST:
Concept: When two Inexperienced frivolous young boys
witness an injustice in the making they step up and confront a powerful coalition
of forces to save an old lady’s property. </div><div>Main Conflict Bankers struggle to stop BOYS from preventing
the acquisition of an old lady’s property.Old Ways:
Corrupt and shrewd.New Ways:
Desperate and willing and able to destroy advisories.Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.
Act 1:
Opening: The banker
is prosperous and satisfied.
Inciting
Incident: He sets out to acquire valuable acreage. </div><div>Turning Point:
The boys become an obstacle to the foreclosure process.Act 2:
New plan: He
sets his daughter on the boys to distract them. </div><div>Plan in action:
She and her girlfriend must do what they must to get the boys to look away
from their mission to save the old lady’s property.Midpoint Turning
Point: Girls fall for the boys and renege on the plan.Act 3:
Rethink
everything: The banker realizes that the girls can’t handle this. Call in
the big guns. </div>New plan: He
sics three thugs on the boys with a mandate to stop them in their tracks.<div>
Turning Point:
Huge failure / Major shift: His thugs fail so he will do this himself.Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict: Banker follows the boys to the track where he
sees they are winning. He steals
their backpack full of money and flees.Resolution: The
banker gets in trouble with the law for perpetrating ID fraud. He’s going
to jail. The boys get their money back and the old lady keeps her
property.</div></div>
-
Lesson 4: Character Interviews
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Character Interviews
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” The interview process and the insightful questions in this exercise are a gift from Hal that when applied will assist the writer in crafting well-rounded and complex characters.
QUESTIONS FOR YOUR PROTAGONIST Johnny Grant
Tell me about yourself.
I’m a smart and handsome eighteen-year-old lad looking to have some fun before I reach the dreaded twenty-one and have to start acting like a man.
Why do you think you were called to this journey?
I heard it was going to be a fun-filled adventure.
Why you?
Who better than me?
You are (you) up against?
Some greedy old men who are in it for themselves at the expense of others.
What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you?
They are the establishment with a huge infrastructure, money, and resources which they can use against me and my buddy Stevie.
In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult? <div>
We will have to start thinking about the good of others and be less selfish.
What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?
Our narrower-minded selfishness.
What fears, insecurities, and wounds have held you back?
Fear of becoming an adult and having to assume the responsibilities that come with adulthood.
What skills, background, or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?
We are smart, creative, naive, and in great physical condition to face the task at hand.
What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know? </div><div>
We’re both virgins but we want the girls to think that we are experienced lovers.
What do you think of?
Having fun and getting girls.
Tell me your side of this whole conflict/story.
We saw a guy try to take advantage of someone we liked so we stepped in to try to stop him before we realized we were up against a force much greater than we foresore.
What does it do for your life if you succeed here?
We’ll be forever changed. We learned that the best thing one will ever do is to do something for someone else, especially if that person is weaker or in need.
Ask any other questions about their character profile that will help you. </div><div>
Has your life up until now been wasted then?
No. We could not be what we have become without having been the way we were in our youth.
QUESTIONS FOR YOUR ANTAGONIST Mr. Bradford, The banker
Tell me about yourself.
Let’s make this brief, I’m a busy man with huge responsibilities.
Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?
I’m an educated man, I have a family and huge responsibilities to my investors. I have no weaknesses. What an absurd question!
Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail?
This is off the record. I’ve embezzled some money from the investors and I need to get this old woman’s land to make things good. I will crush those two no-nothing little bastards If they have the audacity to get in my way.
What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?
I stay out of jail and continue with business as usual.
What drives you toward your mission/agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?
The fear of losing everything I’ve worked for and going to jail.
What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear/insecurity?
I can’t let anyone know I am an embezzler or all is lost.
Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?
I’m just a little slicker than most and I have the resources to get the job done.
What do you think of?
At the moment I’m obsessed with stopping those two damnable BOYS from preventing me from getting that old woman’s property. Everything depends on that.
Tell me your side of this whole conflict/story.
Are you ignorant? Do I have to give you a fucking hysterectomy? I’m desperate, goddammit. I have to get that land and I don’t care who dies in the process.
-
Lesson 4: Character Interviews
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Character Interviews
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” The interview process and the insightful questions in this exercise are a gift from Hal that when applied will assist the writer in crafting well-rounded and complex characters.
QUESTIONS FOR YOUR PROTAGONIST Johnny Grant
Tell me about yourself.
I’m a smart and handsome eighteen-year-old lad looking to have some fun before I reach the dreaded twenty-one and have to start acting like a man.
Why do you think you were called to this
journey?I heard it was going to be a fun-filled adventure.
Why you?
Who better than me?
You are (you) up against?
Some greedy old men who are in it for themselves at the expense of others.
What is it about them that makes this journey
even more difficult for you?They are the establishment with a huge infrastructure, money, and resources which they can use against me and my buddy Stevie.
In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have
to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and
which of them will be the most difficult? <div>We will
have to start thinking about the good of others and be less selfish.What habits or ways of thinking do you think
will be the most difficult to let go of?Our narrower-minded selfishness.
What fears, insecurities, and wounds have
held you back?Fear of becoming an adult and having to assume the responsibilities that come with adulthood.
What skills, background, or expertise makes
you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?We are smart, creative, naive, and in great physical condition to face the task at hand.
What are you hiding from the other characters?
What don’t you want them to know? </div><div>We’re both virgins but we want
the girls to think that we are experienced lovers.What do you think of?
Having fun and getting girls.
Tell me your side of this whole conflict/story.
We saw a guy try to take advantage of someone we liked so we stepped in to try to stop him before we realized we were up against a force much greater than we foresore.
What does it do for your life if you succeed
here?We’ll be forever changed. We learned that the best thing one will ever do is to do something for someone else, especially if that person is weaker or in need.
Ask any other questions about their character
profile that will help you. </div><div>Has your life up until now
been wasted then?No. We could not be what we have become without having
been the way we were in our youth.QUESTIONS FOR YOUR ANTAGONIST Mr. Bradford, The banker
Tell me about yourself.
Let’s make this brief, I’m a busy man with huge responsibilities.
Having to do with this journey, what are your
strengths and weaknesses?I’m an educated man, I have a family and huge responsibilities to my investors. I have no weaknesses. What an absurd question!
Why are you committed to making the
Protagonist fail?This is off the record. I’ve embezzled some money from the investors and I need to get this old woman’s land to make things good. I will crush those two no-nothing little bastards If they have the audacity to get in my way.
What do you get out of winning this fight /
succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?I stay out of jail and continue with business as usual.
What drives you toward your mission/agenda, even in the
face of danger, ruin, or death?The fear of losing everything I’ve worked for and going to jail.
What secrets must you keep to succeed? What
other secrets do you keep out of fear/insecurity?I can’t let anyone know I am an embezzler or all is lost.
Compared to other people like you, what makes
you special?I’m just a little slicker than most and I have the resources to get the job done.
What do you think of?
At the moment I’m obsessed with stopping those two damnable BOYS from preventing me from getting that old woman’s property. Everything depends on that.
Tell me your side of this whole conflict/story.
Are you ignorant? Do I have to give you a fucking hysterectomy? I’m desperate, goddammit. I have to get that land and I don’t care who dies in the process.
</div>
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard Character Profile Part 2
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” These questions answered in advance will help in the shaping of character and conflict.
Profile for your two lead characters.
PROTAGONIST – Two BOYS
What
draws us to this character? They are
young, intelligent, mischievous, naive, and fun-loving. <div>Traits: One boy is analytical and deliberate and
one boy is impetuous and quick-acting.<div>
Subtext:
None as yet developed. They are in-your-face, an “open books” and without guile.Flaw:
Selfish, irresponsible, and oblivious
to the needs or feelings of others.Values:
A high priority on having fun and playing risky games.Irony:
When they are impacted and moved
emotionally, they discover compassion for another and use their old traits
to address and solve the problem.What
makes this the right character for this role? You be the judge.ANTAGONIST Banker and Builder
What
draws us to this character? The
share depravity of the evil character. </div><div>Traits:
Slick, cunning, and crafty, these dishonest men present themselves as
upstanding citizens and good fathers to their daughters. They are the
opposites of the image they project.Subtext:
They are not what they pretend to be.Flaw: Dishonest and devious.
Values:
Money and self-enrichment.Irony:
They enlist their daughters to help them advance their nefarious scheme and
it turns out that the daughters are instrumental in bringing them to
justice.What
makes this the right character for this role? His credentials are impeccable
for a COMEDY villain. This quintessential bad guy is smooth and oily, he’s
greedy, he’s cunning, and he is willing to sacrifice his brother and put
his teenage daughter in jeopardy if it can further his scheme to steal an
old lady’s property.</div></div>
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Stephen Maynard. Reason: STOP SCREWING UP MY SPACING
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard: Character Profiles Part 1
What I learned doing this assignment is…? You have to do like you did in kindergarten where you learned to build castles by stacking lots of sometimes unrelated and ill-fitting blocks together and in harmony.
Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
Dreamer: The boys
proceed from High School graduation into the cruel world naively believing
that anything is possible if they think it is so.Pick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
Predator: A greedy
and ruthless BANKER and his BUILDER partner conspire to swindle an old
lady out of her valuable acreage. What gives them the seemingly insurmountable
advantage over the BOYS is that they have beautiful seventeen-year-old
daughters who they sic on the boys with a mandate to distract them from their
mission.What other characters might be necessary?
Supporting characters: Two beautiful precocious seventeen-year-old
girls. <div>Minor
roles: Three bumbling thugs, to carry out the bidding of the villains.Background
characters: A stern College Professor and StudentsPick your genre.
Comedy Coming of
Age.Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.
Role in the
story: Protoginists Buddies </div>Age range and
Description: Nineteen-year-old intelligent athletic BOYS.Internal
Journey: Two self-centered BOYS who
think life is a bowl of cherries learn the hard way that life is filled
with adversity and that only by confronting reality can they prevail.
External
Journey: The two selfish BOYS make a
conscious decision to abandon their best interests so they can work to
outwit powerful ANTOGINISTS to save an old lady’s property.
Motivation: When
they see injustice in the making they take up the mission to put themselves
in between the bad guys and a sweet old lady to save her propertyWound: No wound as yet identified.
Mission/Agenda: Outwit
a coalition of powerful adversaries intent on stealing an old lady’s
property.Secret: None at
the moment.What makes them
special? Their wit, their daring, their
sense of invulnerability, and their belief that “Anything is possible if
you think it’s possible.” -
Subject line: Stephen Maynard: Transformational Journey
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” The way to go is to define your THEME and create a seemingly unsurmountable PROBLEM involving powerful ANTOGINISTS that allow you to illuminate the theme. Then you create a flawed and weak PROTAGONIST who is at the beginning of the desired arc. You then launch your protagonist on a series of failed attempts to solve the problem that ends up ENLIGHTENING or rocking your protagonist EMOTIONALLY giving him the courage and will to CHANGE and move to the opposite end of your craftily constructed arc.
Who is your Hero and what is their Character Arc that represents a transformation?
Two witty but self-centered and naive BOYS graduate high school and head for college.
Internal Journey: Two self-centered
BOYS who think life is a bowl of cherries learn the hard way that life is filled
with adversity and that only by confronting reality can they prevail.External Journey: The two selfish
BOYS make a conscious decision to abandon their best interests so they can
work to outwit powerful ANTOGINISTS to save an old lady’s property.What are the Old Ways and New Ways?
The Old Way: The BOYS are self-centered, naive, and out to exploit girls and snooker others for their benefit.
The New Way: The BOYS put childish things behind them and sacrifice all to save an old lady and her property.
-
Stephen Maynard
Lost in the world of screenwriting, I’m here to learn and perhaps help someone, in some way, if I can.
-
I agree to all terms.
-
Stephen Maynard
Looking forward to meeting my mates and working on this class.
This should be fun and profitable.
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by
-
Stephen Maynard agrees to the terms of this release form.
-
Stephen Maynard’s – Marketing Campaign
What I learned doing this assignment is we’re now equipped with information and tools with which to market our scripts.
I have selected Marketing Campaign #6: Marketing to Producers and Marketing Campaign #10: Attaching Actors. I will attempt to communicate via email.
I’ll refine and abbreviate my Q Letters to tailor them for email expectations. Short and sweet? Sell the High Concept HOOK. One email targeting selected actors, one targeting select producers.
I’m going to take IMDb up on their offer for one free month of access. I’ll identify producer matches and actor matches for my screenplay.
Thanks, Cheryl, thanks, Hal. You have enlightened us on another essential element for success. Another remarkably important class filled with remarkably talented people.
I love you all, each and every one of my dear mates.
Steve
-
Stephen Maynard’s – Query Letter Draft TWO
What I learned doing this one is that attempting to get all the good stuff in, this letter grows long. “It shall to the barber’s, with your beard.—“
My conclusion is that one needs only to present the MAIN HOOK, the one that reflects the High Concept. That’s what they want to see, The HOOK that sells the movie. If you don’t have that, a mini hook on every page won’t cut it.
Thank you to those who helped with this draft. I wish there was time to comment on each one of your inspirational letters and the tantalizing prospects they offer to producers for the screenplays they represent.
Stephen F Maynard
October 21, 2021
Alberta Epstein
Producer
Horror Galore Productions
186 Sunset Boulevard
Beverly Hills CA 90211
Dear Ms. Epstein:
Tails he wins, heads they lose.
I just finished polishing PANDORA’S OTHER BOX, a HORROR romp about CONRAD, a flat broke sexually frustrated slacker cheating his way through college. His fortune takes a turn when he murders his molecular biology professor to steal genetically modified WORMS that transmogrify old ladies into gorgeous young submissive women.
The real HORROR is that once wormed, each old woman passes through a larva stage as a terrible LAMPREY HUMANOID who surrenders her assets and devours her husband’s head in exchange for tenuous youth before submitting to Conrad.
Conrad makes Chucky and Iago look like altar boys as he moves from rags to riches, slacker to a man obsessed and frustrated to sexually satiated. His narcissism, greed, and newfound skills of manipulation drive the diabolical killer down a path of madness on this journey that resonates with themes that include man’s impulse to control nature, morality, values, and ethics.
It ends happily when Conrad is dispatched and the hero rescues his girl from a terrible fate. On a celebratory night cruise on the hero’s boat, they watch in horror as worms harvested from Conrad’s worm farm are chummed, spawning HORRIFYING NEW SEA CREATURES.
If you like the concept, I’d love to send you the script.
Very truly yours,
Steve
Pandora 86 Redemption Way Las Vegas NV 89118 ( 702 362-2632
-
Stephen Maynard’s – Query Letter Draft ONE
What I learned doing this assignment is every letter will require tailoring to match the various producers.
THE LETTER
Stephen F Maynard (centered)
Dear Ms. Producer:
Tails he wins, heads they lose. (centered)
I just finished polishing PANDORA’S OTHER BOX, a HORROR romp about a sexually frustrated slacker that grows rich and satiated selling transgenic WORMS that morph old ladies into gorgeous young submissive girls.
Problem is, the ladies pass through a larva stage as terrible LAMPREY HUMANOIDS who devour their husbands’ heads. My VILLAIN makes Chucky and Iago look like altar boys as he moves through his transformational journey on which we explore TIMELY and UNIVERSAL themes.
It all ends well when the hero rescues his girl from a terrible fate. They cast off on a moonlight cruise only to see evidence that the villain’s WORM FARM has been harvested by a fisherman who is using the worms as bait and unwittingly spawning HORRIFYING NEW SEA CREATURES.
If you like the concept, I’d love to send you the script.
Very truly yours,
Stephen
86 Redemption Way Las Vegas NV 89118 ( 702 362-2632 (centered)
sfmvm2@gmail.com (centered)
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
-
Hi Jeff, I would suggest running your title, logline, and hook together conversationally something like;
I just finished THE BEST PAINKILLER, a CRIME THRILLER about a doctor on the horns of a dilemma. “Can I kill someone to save another?”
That would seem more like you’re addressing the producer directly instead of laying out a generic billboard for all to read. And it will make your letter briefer.
And your STAKES. Not clear how killing someone will recover the money the doctor needs for his grandson’s care/
I think you may be asking for some apprehension from a producer if you’re selling the idea that a doctor and daughter don’t have insurance to cover the kid. I would suggest making the stakes higher – like the object of the doctor’s wrath has stripped his assets by some nefarious means and killed his daughter. Now he must care for the kid with cancer.
If his wife has custody of the grandson would the kid not be covered by her insurance?
Now that’s a motive for revenge.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
-
Stephen Maynard’s – Target Market
What I learned doing this assignment is, this is the easy part. THANKS FOR THAT. Now how to get USPS and e-mail addresses? Will that necessitate the purchase of a month of IMDb pro?
I see IMDb pro, “The essential resource for the entertainment industry” is offering a 30-day free trial. That’s the ticket!
TITLE: PANDORA’S OTHER BOX
LOGLINE: A sexually frustrated slacker grows rich and satiated selling transgenic WORMS that morph old ladies into gorgeous young submissive girls – who eat men’s faces.
GENRE: HORROR
FIVE + SIMILAR MOVIES:
THE THING, THE ENDLESS, REVENGE, HARPOON, THE GREEN ROOM, HIS HOUSE, THEY ARE NOT AFRAID, HEREDITY
FIVE + ACTORS:
Logan Wade Lerman, Elle Fanning, Kodi Smit-McPhee, Lucas Hedges, Kristina Pimenova, Johnny Sequoyah Friedenberg.
NAMES OF 100 + PRODUCERS: Got it.
-
Stephen Maynard’s – Phone Pitch
What I learned from this lesson is, to get a phone pitch into the strike zone one must first gather information about the person on the other side of the call and pitch to their capabilities and needs.
I will lead with a great title.
Hi, I’m Steve Maynard. About PANDORA’S OTHER BOX, a high-concept low-budget horror project that will fit nicely in with your companies body of work. Let me spell it out for you, thirty seconds?
If he says, What’s the concept?
Transgenic WORMS morph old ladies into young beauties. But they must pass through the larva stage as terrible lamprey humanoids — who eat men.
What’s the budget range?
Low budget, plus or minus one million dollars.
Who do you see in the main roles?
I like Logan Wade Lerman for the hero, handsome and athletic. Elle Fanning for the heroine, pretty, bright, and vulnerable.
For the villain, Kodi Smit-McPhee, or perhaps Lucas Hedges, someone with the chops to project menace and guile.
How many pages is the script?
One hundred and seven.
Who else has seen this?
You’re my first choice and first contact.
Why do you think this fits our company?
It will appeal to audiences your company has exploited, similar budget and genre. It’s akin to your body horror blockbuster, KILLER GIRLS.
How does the movie end?
Like Oedipus Rex, our villain’s transitional journey ends with him seeing the errors of his ways, he takes his life. Happily, the hero prevails and sails into the sunset with the girl. However, at sea on his boat, they see evidence that the villain’s worm farm has been harvested by a fisherman who is using the worms as bait and unwittingly spawning HORRIFYING NEW SEA CREATURES.
-
Stephen Maynard – Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned is, a PITCH,
like an APÉRITIF, should be short and sweet.“Brevity is the soul of
whit.” How right you are, William.My Pitch Fest Pitch;
Hi, I’m Steve Maynard. How’s your day going?
I’ve got a BODY HORROR script titled PANDORA’S OTHER BOX.
It’s a HORROR romp about a sexually frustrated slacker that grows rich and satiated selling transgenic worms that morph old ladies into gorgeous young submissive girls – who eat men’s faces.
It’s A LOW-BUDGET project, plus or minus one million dollars.
I like Dylan Minnette for the hero, JACK, handsome and athletic.
Elle Fanning for Heroine, GINA, pretty, bright, and vulnerable.
For my dastardly Villain, CONRAD STROKER, Kodi Smit-McPhee, or perhaps Lucas Hedges, someone with the looks and chops to project menace and guile.
ACT I opens with Jack, Gina, and the villainous Conrad rescuing a net entangled orca at night during a storm at sea establishing our heroes as ardent environmentalists.
Back home in the small coastal California college town of NEWPORT BAY, when Conrad is rejected by a campus beauty, he launches a mission for revenge by murdering his biology professors to steal genetically engineered WORMS that hold the power to change old women into young women.
In ACT II, Conrad tests one of his worms on the Newport Bay coed that rejected him and discovers that the worm renders her obedient and submissive. What could be better than that? He starts a business selling “Pandora’s Magic Makeovers” to old hags who must surrender their fortunes, morph LAMPREY MOUTH FACES and suck their husband’s brains out through the eyes to gain youth and beauty.
When attorney, Ann Howe from the law firm Dewey Fukkum and How learns of Pandora’s Magic Makeover, she puts Conrad’s lemonade stand operation on the stock market and Conrad’s in the money.
In ACT III, the authorities are closing on Conrad, so he throws a gala for the powerful and influential men of the town. He sicks one of his beautiful young girls on each of his guests and the pressure’s off when his advisories are systematically seduced and dispatched in a sequence of increasingly outrageous kills.
Like Oedipus Rex, our villain’s transitional journey ends with him seeing the errors of his ways, he takes his life. Happily, Jack and Gina prevail and sail into the sunset. However, at sea on Jack’s boat, they see evidence that Conrad’s worm farm has been harvested by a fisherman who is using the worms as bait and unwittingly spawning HORRIFYING NEW SEA CREATURES.
-
Stephen Maynard’s – Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is, It takes time to be brief. One must extract the essence of a thing and convey it. Get straight to the point (THE BIG HOOK) with minimum details. I’ll begin with a tasty TAGLINE for the POB poster.
BEGIN LETTER
Stephen F Maynard
Dear Mr. Producer:
Tails he wins, heads they lose.
I just finished polishing PANDORA’S OTHER BOX, a HORROR romp about a sexually frustrated slacker that grows rich and satiated selling transgenic WORMS that morph old ladies into gorgeous young submissive girls – who eat men’s heads.
LOCATIONS are in and around a picturesque Southern California coastal college town.
We’ve got teenage girls, a love story, hags with faces morphing into ugly LAMPREY FISH MOUTHS, gruesome killings of different flavors, a HEROINE that gets kidnapped, a close call rescue from a cruel fate, and a HERO that single-handedly subdues multiple attackers.
We’ve got a VILLAIN that makes Chucky and Iago look like altar boys as he betrays his best friend and attempts to kill him as he moves through his transformational journey, and we explore TIMELY and UNIVERSAL themes. And did I mention, WE HAVE A LOVE STORY.
If you like the concept, I’d love to send you the script and my LOOKBOOK.
Thank you for your consideration.
Very truly yours,
Stephen Maynard
BIO: I’m a card-carrying IATASE member who’s worked on movies and TV shows. I have a couple of degrees in theatre from San Diego State University and one in film from UCLA.
86 REDEMPTION WAY LAS VEGAS NV 89118 ( 702 362-5555
END LETTER.
-
Stephen Maynard – Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is reverse engineering should be a major course of study in colleges and universities. It’s a beautiful method for examining a great product to see how it ticks and creating one. All it takes is brains and creativity. Oh, woe is me!
Title: PANDORA’S OTHER BOX
Writer: Stephen F Maynard
Genre: Horror / Love Story
Synopsis First Draft
The lunatic riding the orca and cutting away fishing net in a hurricane at sea is Jack Maddox. That’s what environmental whackoes do when they find an animal in distress. Gina, Jack’s first mate, and his looser childhood friend, Conrad Stroker operate Jack’s boat and pick him up after the orca is freed.
Back home in the small coastal California college town of NEWPORT BAY, when Conrad is rejected by a campus beauty, he launches a mission for revenge that starts with murdering his biology professors to steal genetically engineered WORMS that hold extraordinary powers to change old women into young girls.
He tests one of his worms on the Newport Bay College girl that rejected him and while her youth and beauty are unaffected, the worm renders her obedient and submissive. What could be better than that?
Conrad goes into business selling his “fountain of youth worms” to old hags. They must first surrender their fortunes and there are side effects. Hags will grow LAMPREY MOUTHES to suck the brains out through the eyes of their husbands before they get young and beautiful. Teenage girls with brains! What could go wrong?
When decrepit attorney ANN HOWE, with one foot in the grave and her cadaver husband partner at the law firm Dewey Fukkum and Howe discover Conrad’s property, they take the venture public. Howe gets wormed for the product test and promptly sucks out Dewey’s brains.
Doctor Pandora’s Magic Makeover hits the stock exchange with a bang and Conrad’s in the money. Now rich and powerful and the possessor of compliant young women, including attorney Howe, who will do his bidding, our villain’s wildest dreams are realized.
But Conrad is not satisfied, he betrays his best and only friend, Jack, because he covets and lusts after Gina and he’s envious of Jack’s accomplishments.
Conrad kidnaps Gina and is about to violate her when Jack comes to the rescue.
No match for Jack, Conrad uses a stolen wildlife Taser to disable him.
Conrad’s transformational journey ends when after defining the INHUMANE SELFISH SCOUNDREL, he begins to weigh the pain and suffering he has inflicted on others. He confesses to his old friends that he has sinned, that he is beyond redemption, and takes his life.
The last scene is played out on a calm sea when Jack and Gina head the boat out on a moonlight cruise to celebrate the winners of the College’s cornhole contest.
But they must make a fast getaway when a passenger chums with worms taken from Conrad’s worm farm and the boat is attacked by the orca’s calf bearing a GIGANTIC LAMPREY MOUTH.
List of hooks to follow.
-
Again, I have not received today’s assignments.
Please fix.
Stephen
-
Stephen Maynard – High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned is that knowing one’s HC and EP would be immensely helpful when creating a screenplay.
Additionally, aware that the writer will invariably fall in love with his writing and be blinded by his eloquence, HC and EP could also serve as after-the-fact tools with which to test the screenplay for content and clarity as well as the tool for succinct communication of the essence of the work.
PANDORA’S OTHER BOX – High Concept
Transgenic WORMS morph hags into young beauties.
PANDORA’S OTHER BOX – Elevator Pitch.
A slacker grows rich and powerful selling genetically engineered WORMS that morph old hags into young beauties – who eat men.
1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.
My slacker villain goes from rags to riches and respect after murdering his professor to steal transgenic WORMS that morph old ladies into beautiful young girls. At the end of his transformational journey, after defining the ultimate INHUMANE SELFISH SCOUNDREL, he weighs the pain and suffering he has inflicted on others. He confesses to his old friends that he has sinned, that he is beyond redemption, and takes his life.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
Dilemma: N/A <div>
Main Conflict: Childhood best friends with
different values.The Stakes: The killing of men, enslaving
of young women, and the destruction of the environment.Goal/Unique Opposition: The villain wants
to acquire wealth and dominate young women. Opposition comes from his
childhood best friend when their values clash.3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
A slacker grows rich and powerful selling genetically engineered WORMS that morph old ladies into young beauties – who eat men.
</div>
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
-
Stephen Maynard – 10 Most Interesting contents of PANDORA’S OTHER BOX.
What I learned doing this assignment. Don’t hold back. Never devaluate or underestimate the value of the writer’s contribution to making a movie.
They can make a bad movie from a bad screenplay. They can make a bad movie from a good screenplay. But they can’t make a good movie from a bad screenplay. TI TAKES A GOOD SCREENPLAY TO MAKE A GOOD MOVIE.
1. Most unique about your villain and hero? My villain and hero are childhood best friends until lust, jealousy, and greed cause one to betray his best Buddy. They are the same age but one is a loser and a scoundrel who can’t collect enough credits to graduate while the other has graduated, done his military service, and returned to his hometown to find his sleazy Buddy still trying to cheat his way to a diploma.
2. My opening scene introduces the Hero and the Heroine and shows them to be dedicated environmentalists.
3.Any turning points? When the villain is rejected by the campus beauty he launches a mission for revenge that starts with murdering his professors to steal genetically engineered WORMS that hold extraordinary powers to change old women into young submissive beauties.
4. The villain takes another big turn at the end of his transformational journey when after defining the INHUMAN SELFISH SCOUNDREL, he begins to weigh the pain and suffering he has inflicted on others. He confesses to his old friends that he has sinned, that he is beyond redemption, and takes his life.
Emotional dilemma? The Hero is torn between friendship and loyalty to the one that saved his life when they were children playing in a rip current zone and the person his friend has become. Ultimately he must decide if he will act against the Villian or look the other way just one more time.
5. Major twists? Villain employs the genetically engineered worms to turn old women into young beauties who must eat their husbands’ brains and surrender their wealth. Now rich and powerful and the possessor of compliant young women who will do his bidding, our villain’s wildest dreams are realized.
6. Reversals? Villian’s fortunes go from a poor guy with no prospects to a filthy rich guy with all the beautiful young “girlfriends” he desires.
7. Character betrayals? Villain betrays his best and only friend because he covets his friend’s girl and is envious of his friend’s accomplishments.
8. Or any big surprises? Our remorseful villain sees the folly and inhumanity of his cruelty and punishes himself – with death.
The “movie’s” locations are in and around a small coastal California college town so there will be lots of teenaged girls and no need for DISTANT LOCATION pay for cast and crew.
9. This would be a low-budget movie as the SFX/VFX is not CGI heavy so most of the props can be made practical.
10. The screenplay contains several horrifying scenes that can be used as trailers to promote the movie.
BONUS: 11. The visionary producer will appreciate that the CHARACTERS, the UNIQUE evolving variants of a transgenic MONSTERS, and the HORROR SEQUENCES are crafted not only to entertain but also to fuel sequels and, dare we say, a HORROR FRANCHISE with potential for MERCHANDISE licensing and a VIDEO GAME.
Are you salivating yet, Mr. Producer? We have the nucleus of a great project and we’re looking for visionary partners.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
-
Stephen Maynard – Producer/Manager
What I learned today is that the pitcher must tailor his pitch to the needs and requirements of the pitchie. A good pitch will reflect a thorough awareness of the pitchie’s past practices, successes, limitations, needs, and the markets the pitchie has successfully exploited. The object then is to fit a perfectly sized peg into the pitchie’s hole.
PRODUCER PITCH
I’m going to ask her how her day is going. Then I’ll give her the GENRE, the TITLE, the HOOK, the LOGLINE, and a short SYNOPSIS of the screenplay.
I’ll talk about the protagonist and antagonist, emphasizing the ACTOR-BAIT characters and I’ll tell her why the roles will be highly coveted.
The pitch will be structured to show her that my screenplay matches (1) her MO for doing business, (2) the investment capital available to her based on her recent production budgets, and (3) be appropriate for the audience she has previously exploited.
I’ll share my awareness that a screenplay DRAFT is the first element of a collaborative project that is subject to rewrites up until the last scene is in the can. And I’ll tell her that I’ll be with her, as she may require, to resolve script problems every step of the way.
I’ll thank her for her attention and lay down my “one-page leave behind” which will reflect the information presented in the pitch, the availability of the writer’s LOOKBOOK, my other titles with loglines, and my contact information.
MANAGER PITCH
I’m going to ask him how his day is going. Then I will introduce myself as a screenwriter looking for a business partner.
I’ll give him a GENRE, a TITLE, a HOOK, LOGLINE, and a short SYNOPSIS of one of my screenplays.
I’ll talk about the protagonist and antagonist, emphasizing my ACTOR-BAIT characters and I’ll tell him why the roles will be highly coveted.
I’ll say that I have three ready for market screenplays. That all my scripts are populated with great HOOKS and COMPLEX CHARACTERS on TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEYS that comment on both TIMELY and UNIVERSAL themes.
I’ll come right out and ask him if he’d like to read one of my scripts and collaborate on making it right for one of the producers he works with.
I’ll tell him that I’m looking forward to collaborating with him to prepare scripts that he can sell.
I’ll say “I prefer to work on my ideas but for you, I’ll take writing assignments.”
I’ll thank him for the appointment and place on his desk my “one-page leave behind” which will reflect the information presented in the pitch, the availability of project LOOKBOOKS, my other titles with loglines, and my contact information.
-
Stephen Maynard – Marketable Components
What I learned doing this assignment is that adjusting a script to incorporate some of the Components of Marketability is not difficult and potentially productive and that one should strive to incorporate these and other components in new scripts in their earliest outlines.
1. CURRENT LOGLINE: A sexually frustrated loser launches on a transformational journey when he murders his professor to steal genetically engineered worms that transmogrify old hags into teen beauties – that devour men.
2. COMPONENTS OF MARKETABILITY:
B. Great Title: PANDORA’S OTHER BOX. I believe my title is provocative, expository and that it subtextually suggests the tone of the movie. (I’ll continue to test it as I work on new drafts.)
G. Wide audience appeal: A horror movie with a UNIQUE horror CREATURE, lots of TEENAGED GIRLS doing teen and adult things that comment on both TIMELY and UNIVERSAL themes.
J. A great role for a bankable actor: The villain of PANDORA’S OTHER BOX makes Iago look like an altar boy.
THE PITCH:
The cunning, ruthless villain of PANDORA’S OTHER BOX makes Iago and Satan look like altar boys.
He cons old ladies into surrendering their wealth and accepting worms that will turn them into terrifying LAMPREY HUMANOIDS who must eat their husband’s brains to attain youth and beauty.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
-
Stephen Maynard – Project and Market
What I learned today is; This is going to be enlightening. Looks like Handsom Hal and the BEAUTIFUL Cheryl are at it again. Expanding our thinking as they nudge us toward new opportunities.
GENRE: Horror
TITLE: PANDORA’S OTHER BOX
CONCEPT: A sexually frustrated loser launches on a transformational journey when he slays his professor to steal genetically engineered worms that enter old hags and morph them into hot young submissive beauties – that devour other men.
2. The most attractive elements are; A villain that makes Iago look like an altar boy, thems that resonates broadly with today’s audiences, and never-before witnessed horrifying scenes and sequences that will chill the spines of body horror aficionados.
3. Not sure about my TARGET but suspect an actor’s production company would be my best bet.
Why? Getting a bankable actor attached would increase our chances of getting the movie made?
Problem: Few young bankable actors want to be great villains.
So perhaps I will target producers? Perhaps both?
-
Stephen Maynard agrees to the terms of this release form.
Steve
-
Name? Steve Maynard
2. How many scripts you’ve written? Three (3) going on fifteen (15) when I count the rewrites.
3. What you hope to get out of the class? It looks like it might be a great way to learn something about marketing and how to reverse-engineer the screenplay.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? What do you mean by that? Are trying to say that maybe I’m paranoid or something? You guessed it! He’s got a weird sense of humor.
We look forward to working with you all! And I look forward to getting to know each of youz lovely people taking the class.
-
Subject line: Stephen Maynard: World and Characters!
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Little by little things are coming into sharper focus.
1. Remind us of your CONCEPT and the Big M.I.S. of your story.
Logline: A power-hungry student kills his professor to steal genetically engineered worms that transmogrify old hags into gorgeous young beauties – that devour men.
The price for youth and beauty is that the now young women must give bodies to Conrad and transfer all their wealth and assets to him.
BIG MYSTERY: Why are all these old couples disappearing?
BIG INTRIGUE: Conrad is worming old women with a genetically engineered worm that makes them devour their husbands and become young and beautiful.
BIG SUSPENSE: We fear that Gina, our hero’s love, will get wormed and be made a slave to serve Conrad’s insatiable appetite for “love”.
2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story.
The world is a coastal California College town where molecular biology professor, Babu, in his rDNA Lab, creates transgenic worms that can enter women’s bodies and morph ugly old hags into beautiful voluptuous young women.
3. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions:
JACK MADDOX: Unwitting but Resourceful Hero.
A. The mystery of this character? Why does he show such deference for Conrad?
B. The suspense of this character? Will he see the light and recognize Conrad for who he is before it is too late?
C. The intrigue of this character? Jack is an upfront character trying to get to the bottom of the things happening around him.
CONRAD STROKER: Dangerous Villain.
A. The mystery of this character? CONRAD’S SECRET: He is secretive and deceitful. Having killed his professor and stolen his creation, THE COVERUP: He rigged the crime scene to make the killing appear to be accidental.
B. The suspense of this character? Will he get discovered as the one behind the killing of professor Babu and the disappearances of the old people?
C. The intrigue of this character? Conrad is suddenly exhibiting confidence, wealth, and disturbing behavior such as commissioning others to do his dirty work including launching an attack on his only real friend, Jack
GINA BISHOP: The PRISE desired by both Jack and Conrad.
A. The mystery of this character? Though young, innocent, and naive, Gina is intelligent and a dedicated student and environmentalist.
B. The suspense of this character? Will she fall prey to Conrad’s scheme to take her away from Jack?
C. The intrigue of this character? Gina is willing to break the law to save the creatures of the ocean from over-harvesting by commercial interests.
-
Roger all that. It is agreed to.
Stephen
-
Stephen Maynard.
Hello you lovely people. Let’s have some fun doing our assignments and reading each other’s work and let’s see if we can learn from each other. I know I will benefit from reading your stuff.
Stephen
XOXO
PS
I Accept the terms of the Confidentiality Agreement.
-
Subject line: Day #1 Stephen Maynard: The Conventions of Thrillers
What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Crafty screenwriting can lay in all the elements necessary to create a great THRILLER.
The movie I comment on is, Se7en.
Unwitting
but Resourceful Hero: Detectives Somerset & Mills
pool their unique skills and approaches as they go in pursuit of the
Villain.Dangerous Villain: John
Doe, the mysterious serial killer taunts the
police with staged ritualistic murders and a string of clues that reveal
his utter contempt for a society in decay.High stakes: Who will
die next?
Life
and death situations: People are being killed and the cops know more will die if they can’t solve the riddle.This
movie is thrilling because? The cops know more people will die, but the clever killer renders them helpless, frustrated, and impotent.Big Mystery: Who is doing this and what does it portend?
Big Intrigue: We know
that all this killing means something but what? We recognize the utter moral depravity and treachery but what does it signify?Big Suspense:
Will the detectives be able to outsmart the killer and find him before he kills again and shows us the fate of the seventh sinner. Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death…” -
Subject line: Stephen Maynard: Big M.I.S.
What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Doing this will be very helpful as I go forward with the writing.
Logline: A power-hungry student kills his professor to steal genetically engineered worms that transmogrify old hags into gorgeous young beauties – that devour men.
1. What are the conventions of your Horror Thriller story?
Unwitting but
Resourceful Hero: Jack, an X US Navy officer operates his boat in a
coastal California college town.
Dangerous Villain:
Conrad Stroker, a neurotic student attending the local College. He is a childhood friend of Jack. Jack has a blind spot for his friend because Conrad pulled
Jack from a rip current when they were kids growing up in the city of
Newport Bay, CA.
High stakes: Death for anyone who Conrad targets with one of the female slaves he has wormed.
Life and death
situations:
This story is thrilling because? We see what happens to various men and women throughout the movie as they are wormed by the conniving and deceitful Conrad. We fear that
Gina, our hero’s love, will get wormed and be made a slave to serve Conrad’s insatiable appetite for “love”.
2. Tell us the Big
M.I.S. of your story?Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story? Why are all these old couples disappearing?
Big Intrigue: What is
the covert, clandestine, underhanded plot that will live under the surface
for most of the movie? Conrad is worming old women with a genetically
engineered worm that makes them young and beautiful and causes them to eat
their husbands.
Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continueto escalate throughout the script? We fear that Gina, our hero’s love, will get wormed and be made a slave to serve Conrad’s insatiable appetite for “love”.
-
I like it. You give them the BIG HOOK that sells the story keeping it short and tight.
-
Yo, Thomas,
I know you’ll include contact information in your letter, as a footer, or on your letterhead so no need to comment on that, right?
I find your letter to be very nicely written and that it informs the reader of many of the essentials of the story. A pass through a grammar checker will catch and perform the few punctuation necessities.
I’m thinking that if your full name appears on your letterhead, you might sign off with your first name only. I hear tell they do mostly first names in Hollywood.
While your letter fits comfortably on the page, I suspect the busy producer would like to get a shorter letter. As for yours truly, I wouldn’t cut a word – but I’m not a producer.
Good luck with advancing this fine project to a green light.
Best,
Steve
-
Thank you, Thomas.
Haste makes waste.
-
Hi, Phyllis, Hi Cara
Is not reading the screenplay the only way to know what it contains?
Regarding your generous and thoughtful comments;
Apt observation, His Worms (transgenic combinations of lamprey and candiru fish) have the power to change old ladies into “delectable” young girls, which he uses for his enjoyment and manipulates to kill other men.
Right, you are again, in the larva stage (when the real eating is done) the women grow LAMPREY MOUTH heads and eat men on the bad guy’s command.
I use Chucky and Iago to insinuate subliminally that my antagonist exhibits both nuanced and blatantly physical aggression.
The illusion to both a nuanced and complex “psychological” character and one that is cartoonish is deliberate.
My bad guy exhibits the attributes of both as he moves from an unmotivated sexually frustrated student who, desperate to succeed, kills his professor to steal magical worms, to a shrewd businessman who gains wealth and power which he uses to exploit women and manipulate men.
His journey ends with a realization of the depth of his depravity and the harm he has done in betraying his only friend, harming total strangers, and NATURE (there’s one of your themes surfacing, another being, HOW SHOULD WE TREAT OUR FELLOW HUMANS as we go through life.) – In the end, seeing that he is beyond redemption, he takes his life. Something like the Oedipus Rex?
My last sentence is there to inform the producer that we have a happy ending (Hollywood and audiences love them) and to suggest the direction the sequel could take with new frightening sea creatures.
While there’s some levity in PANDORA’S OTHER BOX, I’d have to categorize this one as PURE HORROR.
-
Hi Cara.
I’m tiring to get a fix on how you have approached your screenplay. Anything in common with LUST FOR LIFE, the Vincent van Gogh movie?
Were you able to work any of Rilke’s words into your dialogue?
How bound are you to the historical facts of Rike’s life?
I ask because I’m thinking that this could be marketed as a great love story with a bittersweet ending?
You have such a great project here, worthy of being told but how best?
I can see both the period piece and a contemporary reincarnation in which all the events of the real Rike’s life play out in our time — before revealing that – Well, have you seen the movie, SOMEWHERE IN TIME?
You’ve set my mind to swimming. I fear none of this is helpful. But I am intrigued by your project and I’m pulling for you.
Steve
-
Hi Phyllis,
Sell the SIZZLE, not the stake.
And you’ve got lots of that.
How about in your second draft you lose some of the processes commented on and concentrate on the magic and intrigue of your story.
Sell the magic of the transformational journey.
I like what you’ve done and would love to read your screenplay.
You can trust me with it at sfmvm2@gmail.com
Steve
XOXO
-
Hi, Jeff, Tis I again.
If with one’s pitch or Q-letter one sell a producer a HOOK, and he can’t find that hook in one’s screenplay he’s going to think one punked him. Not good for one.
So please make sure that your story explores the question “Would a doctor KILL TO SAVE a loved one?” or let’s develop a new PITCH HOOK that fits your story about “a doctor on the horns of a dilemma.”
Difficult to help further without reading your screenplay. We must look carefully and make sure that we never mislead with our HOOK LINE.
We must always deliver on the promise of the premise.
Best,
Steve
-
Hi Liz,
I’m as dense as you are brilliant!
But with your faithful coaching, I’ve conquered the Gordian knot of getting the assignments.
Thank you. Now I’ll not feel obliged to scold the office when they fail to deliver the mail.
Steve
-
Hi Liz,
They have failed to send me the Day 7 class.
Done it again!
Can you forward the class to me at sfmvm2@gmail.com — PLEASE.
I’ll bitch at them one more time but the lesson won’t be sent now until tomorrow or the next day by the time they respond.
Steve
XOXO
-
You’re a love, Liz.
I have been enlightened.
Thanx.
Steve
-
Hi Paul. You could pitch this one as “Scarface girl goes Under Seige in a WOKE world.
No charge.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by