[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones – Solved Structural Problems

Act 1:

Opening

Harry is on duty when a ship arrives from Earth. He finds it all routine and easily spots someone that the AI system and spotter robots missed who turns out to be there illegally. They are taken away pleading for help. Harry is unhappy that he has to send them back, but it is the law. He is given a robot partner which goes against everything he believes but Buzzard wants to keep an eye on him and give him all the help he can. But Harry still can’t work with or trust someone else.

Inciting
Incident

While Harry is distracted, a second illegal gets through. Harry chases the illegal, but they are killed by Peep in front of Harry. Harry is able to stop the body being destroyed but he has failed for the first time and seen someone die in front of him. Harry has his eyes opened and is traumatised.

Turning
Point

Harry is outside his comfort zone but someone has broken the law and must be brought to justice. His investigation ignores the robot until he finds a huge clue with the robot’s help.

Peep tells Vor that the police have the latest shipment and Vor loses his shit.

Act 2:

New
plan

Harry ups his game with the investigation to stay on Mars first and to find a killer second. Vor is furious with Peep but doesn’t instruct Peep to get Harry out of his way because he doesn’t think Harry poses any threat.

Plan
in action

Harry talks to the coroner, Tracy Spencer and finds out about the victim and how he was killed. She suggests that the immigration law might be a bad law but Harry only seems to see that it is the law.

Harry finds out about Carina’s involvement and the SISCO connection. He talks to someone at the Worple Clinic.

Vor plans for the next delivery but is now a little more worried that Harry is getting too close. He asks Peep to watch out for him and keep him away from their last delivery.

Midpoint
Turning Point

Harry identifies the next illegal immigrant and tracks them. Peep tries to get the last delivery, Harry tires to stop him, Carina gets involved and the immigrant and Peep are caught.

Act 3:

Rethink
everything

Harry interviews Carina and finds out about the people who try to start new lives on Mars. He tells her that her involvement with the smuggling means that she will be sent back to earth and not be permitted to return.

Harry finds out from Tracy that something is being smuggled inside the immigrants and she has the latest shipment but can’t work out what it is. Harry wonders if it’s only a part of something. He interviews Worple but gets very little and admits that they won’t catch Worple with the evidence they have. Peep is released.

New
plan

Carina tells Harry that they might be able to stop Worple if they go back to Earth and give Harry to Keenan to prepare as the next mule. Harry won’t do it, but he gets a talking to from Tracy. Harry argues that he could be trapped on Earth with no way of earning a living and suffering from the effects of the higher gravity. Carina is freed to return to Earth.

Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift

Harry goes to earth with Carina. They have a plan and they can make it work. But Worple knows everything and has Harry stripped of his Martian passport when he arrives on Earth. He’s now trapped there with no way of coming back unless…

Act 4:

Dilemma

Harry must choose between breaking the law to try and stop Worple and not breaking the law by living in physical difficulty and poverty on Earth.

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict

Harry must return to Mars as a genuine illegal immigrant and defeat Vor and Peep. Worple is aware of Harry’s plan and prepared for him. It’s a trap! Harry breaks numerous laws and must work with everyone else and trust Carina with his life to defeat Worple and Peep. We also find out about the smuggled substance’s purpose finally and Harry use the fact that the has it in him to his advantage whe he is in a seemingly impossible situation.

Resolution

Harry exposes the real mastermind behind the immigration policy and its end is started.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones missing scenes

This is still just a list of missing scenes and character/story elements but they may be dealt with as additions to existing scenes or as completely new scenes. There are also elements that need to be moved within the script. These include discoveries that the characters make that happen to easily in the first draft.

INT. BUZZARD’S OFFICE – DAY

Harry tries to convince Buzzard that they need to talk to Worple to find out more about SISCO and earthers coming to Worple’s clinic for treatment.

Buzzard doesn’t want Harry to bother the great man. He orders Harry to get his answers from one of Worple’s team.

EXT. WOODLAND NEAR SPACEPORT – DAY

Woodland scene dialogue with Carina to be moved to later.

Scene now becomes:

Harry is saved by Carina who chases after Peep leaving Harry with two bodies this time.

INT. TRACY’S APPARTMENT/WORK/COFFEE SHOP – DAY

Harry and Tracy discuss the case.

Tracy shares the information currently revealed in their first meeting that needs to be discovered later.

Harry starts to gain some understanding as the pieces start to show a picture.

VARIOUS SCENS AROUND THE DOME

Harry investigates further.

Harry crosses paths with Carina.

Harry and Carina meet, fight, find out about each other and tentatively team up.

Harry investigates further.

Harry’s relationship with the robot is tested.

Harry and the robot learn something.

HARRY’S FEAR OF EARTH IS REVEALED

This needs to be built in throughout the story and fully explained in a conflict with Carina.

WORPLE’S MOTIVE

Scene to explain what Worple is actually doing and why.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones – Act 4 resolution

What I learned doing this assignment is that I can write a first draft of a screenplay in 24 days.

INT. POLICE HQ – DAY

Harry strolls in. Wisecrack stands as Harry passes his desk.

WISECRACK

Nice work, Harry.

Harry nods at Wisecrack. He stops at his desk which the robot is using.

ROBOT

Harry! You’re back!. Here, have your desk.

HARRY

No, you keep it. I don’t have use for it any more. Besides, it fits you perfectly.

The robot watches Harry as he heads to Buzzard’s office.

INT. BUZZARD’S OFFICE – SAME

Harry marches in without knocking and sits. He puts his feet on Buzzard’s desk.

BUZZARD

Get your feet off my desk, Harry. Even the planet’s biggest arrest doesn’t warrant that behavior.

HARRY

Sorry, but you are no longer my boss. I quit.

BUZZARD

Rubbish…what? You can’t. We need you here. Look at all those fresh-faced robots that need you to teach them.

HARRY

My guy can do it. He’s the best cop here.

BUZZARD

What are you going to do? There’s nothing else for a man like you here.

HARRY

I’m retiring from police work and going into politics.

Buzzard laughs.

BUZZARD

Good one. Now, fuck off and take a few days leave to get yourself straight.

HARRY

I’m serious. I’m going to campaign to get the immigration law changed. We need new blood here.

BUZZARD

Right. Good luck with that.

HARRY

I expect your full support.

BUZZARD

Really?

HARRY

I was wondering as I walked up to the building what would happen if the cat was released from the bag.

BUZZARD

What?

HARRY

Let’s imagine a high ranking public official changed the central files to show illegal visitors to the planet were residents. How do you think that official’s career and status as a free citizen would be affected if this information was made public?

BUZZARD

That’s blackmail!

HARRY

Maybe just a little bit.

BUZZARD

You’ve changed.

Harry stands.

HARRY

I can count on your support?

Buzzard stands and shakes Harry’s hand.

BUZZARD

Now, fuck off.

Harry leaves the office.

Harry leaves the building.

EXT. POLICE HQ – BEAUTIFUL MARTIAN DAY

Carina is waiting.

HARRY

Why don’t you stay for a bit?

FADE OUT

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Steve Jones.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones Act 4 climax

What I learned doing this assignment is that huge problems can be dealt with badly for now if it keeps you writing.

INT. WOODS – DAY

BEGINNING: Harry goes to face Worple alone.

MIDDLE: Harry fights for his life and nearly wins but Worple will get away.

END: Harry’s friends arrive and help him.

INT. EARTH SPACEPORT – CHECK IN – DAY

Harry and Carina are standing in separate lines waiting to be processed. Harry is sweating.

He gets to the front of the line and is scanned. Carina watches him go through. Ten minutes later they both head into the departure lounge and then onto the shuttle.

INT. SHUTTLE – DAY

Harry and Carina take seats a few rows apart and settle in for the flight.

As the ship leaves Earth, Harry watches through a window before turning away from the view.

INT. MARS SPACEPORT – ARRIVALS – DAY

The shuttle lands as the police get into place. Passenger lists are scanned and robots positioned to monitor arrivals.

The passengers start to come through.

Harry joins the back of a queue. He now looks slightly different.

He arrives at a check in desk and hands over his passport. The CHECK IN AGENT scans it and Harry is scanned.

CHECK IN AGENT

Purpose of your visit?

HARRY

Business.

CHECK IN AGENT

How long are you with us?

HARRY

It shouldn’t take long to wrap things up.

The Agent hands Harry his passport back.

CHECK IN AGENT

Enjoy your stay with us.

Harry walks through. He passes Prup and his robot who both give him a glance and then pass onto the next arrival. Harry is approaching the door when he hears a commotion. He turns to see Carina standing between Prup and his robot.

CARINA

Is there a problem?

PRUP

We need you to come with us.

CARINA

Why? I’m a citizen here. What right do you have to do this?

PRUP

It’s just a formality.

Carina is led away.

Harry turns to look at the spaceport exit, then back to Carina being led away. He turns back to the doors and leaves the spaceport.

A robot going into the spaceport passes him in the doorway.

EXT. WOODLAND CLEARING – DAY

Harry arrives at the clearing. He scans it from behind a tree before crossing to the far side and hiding behind another tree.

Peep and Worple arrive. Peep guides Worple to the bench and Worple has a seat.

Harry watches from behind the tree until Peep creeps up behind him and hits him at the base of the neck.

Harry staggers forwards into the clearing and Peep is about to grab him when Harry holds his stun gun to his own neck.

HARRY

What happens if I fire right here?

WORPLE

You have it in you?

HARRY

I have it in me to pull the trigger and destroy the contents of the phial inside me, yes.

WORPLE

Hold your horses there Koala. Peep, stand down for a second. But stay on point.

HARRY

Where do you go for the final piece of the puzzle if I destroy this one? Everyone will be onto you even if there’s no proof you killed the others. You could wait years for the dust to settle before you to get the chance to bring it here again.

WORPLE

You really think you can pull the trigger? I know that’s a stun gun but that sort of impact at close range will kill you or leave you a drooling imbecile.

HARRY

Some would say that was an improvement.

WORPLE

Peep, take his gun.

Peep moves towards Harry.

HARRY

I’ll do it! Don’t take another step you little psycho shit licker!

Peep moves round Harry trying to get closer.

HARRY (cont’d)

Fuck this.

Harry brings his gun towards Peep who dives to Harry’s left before moving like lightning to get closer. He jabs Harry in the throat while pushing the gun skywards.

Harry falls to his knees gasping. Peep steps back and Harry raises the gun again. Peep kicks out at it but Harry rolls away and fires. He clips Peeps shoulder and Peep freezes, spasms and then falls to the floor.

Harry dives on Peep and pins his hands behind his back before kneeling on them. He holds the gun on Worple and slowly drags Peep onto his knees and then squats behind him with the gun close to Peep’s head.

WORPLE

Don’t kill him. He’s a child! He can’t help his nature.

HARRY

I’m not a murderer.

WORPLE

Neither am I.

HARRY

So, who killed those immigrants?

WORPLE

Peep did.

HARRY

Who ordered you to do that?

The unconscious Peep says nothing.

WORPLE

So, what? They were life’s flotsam and they washed up on the wrong shore.

HARRY

They didn’t deserve to die so you could live a few more years.

WORPLE

They deserved to die because they were cowards. They were running away from their lives on Earth. Boohoo!

Peep wakes and starts to struggle. He nearly escapes.

HARRY

Hold still!

WORPLE

You need another pair of hands. Where are your friends when you need them?

CARINA

Right here, dickhead.

Worple spins round to see Carina and the robot. Standing on the edge of the clearing.

HARRY

Hi guys. (To the robot) You recording this?

ROBOT

Every syllable.

WORPLE

What?

HARRY

Including his confession?

ROBOT

Every syllable.

HARRY

Looks like you’re going to spend the rest of you artificially extended life in jail. Oh, hang on. We don’t have jails here so it will have to be on Earth.

Peep makes a run for it and Harry stuns him so he falls to the ground on his face.

HARRY (cont’d)

That’s got to sting.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones Act 4 First Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is that there’s no substitute for words on pages. Get it out of your head and onto the page and the magic starts to happen.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

BEGINNING: Harry accepts Carina’s help to get back to Mars.

MIDDLE: Harry is prepped for the journey with a false ID and gets the contraband.

END: Harry is ready to return to Mars illegally

INT. SPACEPORT – DAY

BEGINNING: Harry is terrified he will be caught and imprisoned on earth.

MIDDLE: Harry puts his trust in Carina completely.

END: They get through customs and onto the ship.

INT. CARINA’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Harry waits in Carina’ office. He sits, fidgets, stands and paces.

Carina enters with a middle-aged man.

CARINA

Harry, this is Ellis.

HARRY

Hi. Sorry about this.

CARINA

I haven’t told him yet.

ELLIS

Told me what?

CARINA

I’m afraid we’re going to have to postpone your trip.

ELLIS

What? Until when?

CARINA

Maybe for a few months.

ELLIS

Months? I’ve sold my apartment. I’ve got no-where to live.

CARINA

We’ll sort something out. It’s just not safe right now.

ELLIS

Why not?

HARRY

Because some psycho is killing illegals the minute they set foot on Mars.

ELLIS

Really? Oh. Maybe you’re right. Just for bit, right? I can stay with my sister for a few days.

CARINA

Just one more question. Did Keenan make any preparations that involved a general anesthetic?

ELLIS

Yes, he said I needed an implant to help fool the scans at the other end.

CARINA

Where did he put it?

ELLIS

Here (INDICATING HIS NECK).

HARRY

We’d better remove that temporarily if you’re not going for a few weeks.

ELLIS

Sure.

INT. PREP ROOM – EARTH – NIGHT

Harry lies on the couch as Carina tales the object from a vial.

HARRY

That’s what this is all about?

CARINA

It’s what will keep you alive long enough.

HARRY

You’ve added the tracker?

CARINA

Don’t worry. It’s in there.

HARRY

Don’t worry? What have I got to worry about? I’m putting my life in your hands. What if you don’t get there? What if he kills me before Worple’s there? What if…

CARINA

We’ll be there.

Harry lies back and Carina inserts the object into his neck.

HARRY

You better be.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones completed act 3

What I learned in this assignment is that I have nowhere near the required page count to get to a 20% draft.

INT.VOR’S CLINIC/EARTH OFFICE – DAY/NIGHT

BEGINNING: Vor celebrates and contacts Keenan on Earth to check that the next delivery is on schedule.

MIDDLE: Keenan explains that it will be on the ship that is on it’s way to Earth when it returns to Mars.

END: Vor tells Keenan that he needs another job doing when the ship docks.

INT. VOR WORPLE’S CLINIC – DAY

Worple is at his desk. He calls Keenan who’s 3D image appears hovering above the teak surface.

Keenan is half asleep.

KEENAN

Yes?

WORPLE

Is the next shipment ready?

KEENAN

Yes, for the millionth time.

WORPLE

This is the last piece.

KEENAN

I know. It’s set. They’re ready to go when the shuttle returns.

WORPLE

Good. Keep it that way. No delays, no problems and no fucking stupidity. Understand?

KEENAN

Got it.

WORPLE

Belissimo, we’re celebrating.

KEENAN

Marvelous. I shall hoist the bunting.

Worple ignores the sarcasm.

WORPLE

You are about to have a visitor.

KEENAN

It’s the middle of the night. Why would anyone be visiting me in the…

WORPLE

Not right now, you berk!

KEENAN

Oh. When then?

WORPLE

Harry Koala and Carina Ellis are on the shuttle as we speak.

KEENAN

What? Why?

WORPLE

We beat them down. He’s run away and she’s given up the hunt. We have triumphed.

KEENAN

Great. So, I get the boss back do I?

WORPLE

I’m the boss.

KEENAN

You know what I mean. The boss here. In my face every day. I know you’re the real boss. But you’re up there.

WORPLE

Thank the saints.

KEENAN

Nice. So, what do you want me to do when they get here?

WORPLE

Good question. I have a few plans for Lieutenant Koala.

<br clear=”all”>

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones Act 3 turning point

BEGINNING: Harry is trapped on Earth and has given up

MIDDLE: Carina tries to persuade him he can still bring down Worple.

END: Harry must return to Mars illegally.

INT. BAR ON EARTH – NIGHT

Harry is drunk when Carina walks in.

CARINA

What’cha doing?

HARRY

Getting drunk. What are you doing?

CARINA

Saving people’s lives.

HARRY

That’s a noble cause.

CARINA

Wanna help?

HARRY

Can’t. Some shit tickler stole my passport.

CARINA

I know someone who can get you to Mars.

HARRY

What do I have to do? Blow his stoat?

CARINA

Goat. No, just show up.

Harry looks at Carina like she’s grown a penis on her forehead.

HARRY

You want me to go back illegally?

CARINA

Do you want to go back?

HARRY

Yes, but…

CARINA

Do you want to get your job back?

HARRY

Yes, but…

CARINA

Do you want to get Worple?

HARRY

Yes, but…

CARINA

But what?

HARRY

Fuck.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones Act 3 Middle Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is more about keeping moving forward rather than getting stuck navel-gazing.

INT. CARINA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Carina brings over drinks for Harry and her. She looks at the robot quizzically.

ROBOT

I do not need to imbibe fluids thank you.

CARINA

Suit yourself. (TO HARRY) you trust this walking scrap heap?

ROBOT

I do not take slights personally.

HARRY

He’s OK.

ROBOT

I am slightly susceptible to flattery.

Carina paces around the room.

CARINA

So, what’s the plan?

HARRY

I was going to ask you the same question. I’m about this close to arresting you. So, let’s hear what you know and your plan.

CARINA

OK, no pressure then. Worple is untouchable here, right

HARRY

Pretty much. You’d have to catch him in the act.

CARINA

Exactly! That’s where I’d got to. So, I was thinking that we need to send someone through with the next delivery and make sure we get him red handed before he extracts the thingy and disposes of the delivery man or woman.

The robot looks at Carina and then Harry.

HARRY

I know. A few questions. How do we know that Worple is still smuggling stuff through now that we’re on his case? I asked him to his face if he was doing it.

CARINA

We don’t but we know someone who does. My aide is in Worple’s pocket and he must be the Earth-side of the operation. I’m not his stooge so it must be Keenan.

HARRY

Must be? So we don’t know for certain.

Carina shrugs.

HARRY (cont’d)

OK, next question then. I’m assuming we find out what’s being shipped and why through the same resource?

CARINA

Sure.

HARRY

There’s a lot riding on this guy being who you think he is.

CARINA

Yeah, well he also has to set everything up at that end and he’s going to tell Worple.

HARRY

So, we’re setting a trap for someone who will know it’s a trap. How do we guarantee he’s going to take the bait?

CARINA

You’ve met him. He’s got a God complex. He wants to… no, he needs to control everything and everyone. He won’t be able to resist being there because he’ll know that no-one is coming to rescue the mule.

HARRY

So, we’re going to send someone from Earth up here and they’re going to be dropped into the lions’ den with no back up?

CARINA

Well, we’re the back up. But he’ll make sure no police are there.

HARRY

So, how are you going to find someone on Earth to do this and how are you going to manage it all from here?

CARINA

I’ll go back and set it all up.

HARRY

And you’ve got some special forces killing machine on hand who’s ready to give up their life?

CARINA

No, you’re going to do it.

HARRY

Say what now? I’m not going to Earth.

CARINA

That’s an interesting first reaction when you’re basically being dropped into a life or death fight with the most powerful man on Mars.

HARRY

I’m not. Because I’m not going to Earth.

CARINA

OK, that’s settled then. Worple gets away with multiple murders of illegal Earth immigrants because no-one cares about them enough to do something. Oh, and smuggling who knows what into the most controlled environment in the Solar System. He gets away with that does he?

HARRY

No he doesn’t but there must be another way that doesn’t involve going to Earth.

CARINA

What’s the big deal, hero? Why are you so shit scared of spending a few days back on the planet you were born on?

HARRY

I wasn’t born on Earth.

CARINA

Yes you were. Someone’s told you otherwise?

HARRY

I was born here when my parents were working on the fit out of this dome.

CARINA

Sorry big boy but I checked you out before I came here. You flew here with them when you were old enough.

HARRY

Crap. That’s not right.

ROBOT

May I read the file to you?

HARRY

NO!

CARINA

Why not? It says you were born on Mars, right?

HARRY

Of course it does and I don’t need to hear it read back to…

ROBOT

Oh!

CARINA

What?

ROBOT

I peaked.

CARINA

Right, red it then. It’s too late now. You’ve opened Pandora’s box.

Harry looks at the robot’s expressionless features.

HARRY

Shit.

Harry nods.

ROBOT

You were born twelve months and sixteen days before you arrived here. You have dual citizenship but your Martian status can be revoked and you can be returned to Earth if you commit any action deemed to be in conflict with Martian law.

HARRY

Buzzard.

CARINA

What?

HARRY

My boss has always threatened me with sending me back home. I thought it was just power-play based on my fear of being sent to that blue blob of shit. I never thought he actually could do that. He’s just a shit boss.

CARINA

OK, well sorry for your loss and all that but time’s a wasting so let’s start making tracks. The next shuttle back to Earth is in two days. I’ve booked the tickets. You just need to pack.

HARRY

You’ve booked the tickets? When did you have time to do that?

CARINA

On the flight here.

HARRY

Really?

CARINA

Come on, powder puff. What could be so bad about my home planet?

HARRY

I’ll tell you when we get there.

INT. SPACEPORT – DAY

Harry and Carina board the shuttle.

CARINA

They know we’re running coming now.

HARRY

Buzzard must be pissing himself laughing.

INT. BUZZARD’S OFFICE – DAY

Wisecrack barges into Buzzard’s office.

WISECRACK

You’re not fucking going to believe this!

INT. SHUTTLE – DARK OUTSIDE

Harry and Carina sit in a comfortable lounge area at a table in the darkest corner.

HARRY

I feel sick.

CARINA

Shut up. We need to get our shits in a row.

HARRY

Ducks.

CARINA

Whatever. We need to sort out our plan when we get back.

They make the perfect plan.

CARINA (cont’d)

So, what’s so scary about Earth?

Harry explains his fear. He feels better once he’s voiced it.

They arrive on Earth with a positive attitude.

They go through immigration separately.

Harry is arrested.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones Act 3 Reaction to midpoint

What I learned doing this assignment is how quickly you can get a scene down on paper.

EXT. WOODS – EVENING

BEGINNING: Harry wants to arrest Carina

MIDDLE: The robot reminds him that he really wants to catch the killer and she could be the key because Harry won’t be able to do it without evidence and Worple is too clever to leave any.

END: Harry reminds the robot that she’s also a criminal and she should be in jail. But the robot tells Harry she’s not an illegal immigrant.

INT. CARINA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Harry gives Carina one chance to come up with a plan to help him stop Worple or he’s going to arrest her.

MIDDLE: Carina explains that the only way to catch Vor and for Harry to get his badge back is to return as the next illegal with whatever Vor is smuggling and catch him in the act of trying to extract it. She won’t set anyone else up because the risks are too great but Harry is a professional and invested in catching Worple and he’ll have their help.

END: Harry explains that the illegals don’t survive this process as far as she knows. Carina reminds him that the Immigration force won’t have him, so he’ll get through easily.

INT. MARS SPACEPORT – DAY

BEGINNING: Harry and Carina wait to leave for Earth.

MIDDLE: Harry explains why he dreads being on Earth.

END: Carina reminds him that billions live out their lives there every day.

INT. EARTH SPACEPORT – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Harry and Carina plan their return and Worple’s capture. The plan is foolproof.

MIDDLE: Harry and Carina arrive on Earth.

END: Harry is arrested, has his Martian passport taken leaving him trapped with criminals in a cell in his version of Hell.

EXT.WOODS – EVENING

Harry finishes up with the cops who mock him in some way.

Harry ignores them and he and the robot leave the crime scene.

They come to the edge of the woods and enter parkland.

At the edge of the park, they head into the city.

HARRY

I should arrest her.

ROBOT

Undoubtedly.

HARRY

She’s sending illegal immigrants here.

ROBOT

Undoubtedly.

HARRY

So, she’s breaking the law.

ROBOT

Undoubtedly.

HARRY

Why aren’t you arguing with me?

ROBOT

Because you are correct. You are not right, but you are correct.

HARRY

What’s that supposed to mean?

The robot stops and looks at Harry.

ROBOT

I’m only a robot so I couldn’t possibly understand human emotions.

HARRY

I don’t need to twist your arm to make you give it a try though.

ROBOT

You couldn’t twist my arm.

HARRY

Just say it!

ROBOT

The correct thing to do is to arrest Miss Ellis. But you still won’t catch Worple in all likelihood. Or, you could keep this whole thing to yourself and she can help us catch him. It’s what she wants.

HARRY

But that’s not thew right way to do it. There are laws…

ROBOT

But does it feel right?

HARRY

OK, there it is.

They walk on in silence for a minute.

HARRY (cont’d)

You think we should ignore what we know about what she’s done on Earth and how she’s been implicit in the murders of at least two Earth Illegals because she can help us catch the guy behind it all?

ROBOT

May I ask you three questions?

HARRY

Go on.

ROBOT

One. Will anybody care if we stop Earther Illegals being killed or is it more important to them that Mars’ reputation remains intact?

HARRY

No and yes. technically that was two questions.

ROBOT

Pedant. Two. Can we catch Worple without her help?

HARRY

Probably not.

ROBOT

Then, this is the big one. Does a woman who tries to make people’s lives better deserve to go to jail more than someone who takes their lives away from them?

Harry stops at a crossroads. He looks at the dome above their heads and the buildings around them. He sees the beauty that Mars delivers in spades.

HARRY

No-one should be killed for wanting to come here.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones has completed Act 2 Draft 1

What I learned doing this assignment is that 3 scenes could do the same job in one scene.

INT. VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

BEGINNING: Vor instructs Peep to get Harry out of his way.

MIDDLE: Vor plans for the next delivery on the assumption that Harry will be out of the way.

END: Vor tells Keenan to get the next illegals set up with the last shipment again.

INT. WORPLE CLINIC – WORPLE’S PRIVATE QUARTERS – NIGHT

Peep is curled up on the sofa asleep like a cat.

Worple enters. He goes to the couch and strokes Peep’s head until he wakes.

Peep is delighted to see his master. He jumps up, hugs him and dashes off. A few seconds later he returns with a glass of wine for Worple.

WORPLE

Thank you Peep. What a day, oh what a day. you’d think I’d seen it all at my age but no. Today I met a policeman and he asked me a bold question.

Peep looks curious.

WORPLE (cont’d)

He asked me boldly if I was smuggling something into Mars using illegal immigrants as mules.

Peep looks angry.

WORPLE (cont’d)

I know. The cheek. And we have one last delivery to come and this (SHOUTING) FUCKING INSECT (CALM AGAIN) could provide the spanner that gums up the works if you’ll pardon a mixed metaphor.

Peep chuckles slightly then puts his hand on Worple’s forearm.

WORPLE (cont’d)

Well, maybe there is something you could do for me. I don’t want to put you out but you are tremendous at clearing the rubbish away after a party. Would you consider clearing this piece of trash away?

Peep nods frantically and jumps around the room in delight.

WORPLE (cont’d)

Well, that’s agreed then! You are so good to me Peep. So good. Now, in that case, I must make one quick call before I can settle into my evening.

Peep nods and returns to the kitchen.

INT. WORPLE’S LIBRARY – SAME

Worple enters his library and heads to the desk. He sits.

WORPLE

Call Keenan Belissimo.

An image of static appears above the desk and after a few seconds it clears and Keenan’s face appears.

KEENAN

Yes?

WORPLE

Is the last delivery ready?

KEENAN

Of course. I’ve pulled out the stops and…

WORPLE

Miss Ellis has pulled out the stops.

KEENAN

Some, but I implanted the thing.

WORPLE

Well, I’m sure we’re all very grateful.

KEENAN

I thought you had problems up there. Isn’t a cop sniffing up your skirt?

WORPLE

What a colorful colloquialism. Everything is in hand and the last delivery will be safe at this end. I need your blood oath that it is safe with you.

KEENAN

Blood oath?

WORPLE

There is nothing more important to me and nothing I won’t do if anyone prevents me from achieving my goals.

Keenan gulps comically.

KEENAN

Everything this end is ship shape. And Carina is babysitting the Kants all the way.

WORPLE

Don’t tell me their names. Pass on my message to Miss Ellis then will you?

KEENAN

Of course and…

Worple cuts him off.

WORPLE

What an oil slick.

Worple heads for the library door. He calls Peep as he leaves the room.

WORPLE (cont’d)

Peep, where is my robe?

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones Act 2 TP MIDPOINT

What I learned in this assignment is that I can ignore the detail problems and smash out the essence of the story.

Turning point scene outline

BEGINNING: Harry tries to spot the next illegals at the spaceport so that he can follow them and catch the killer.

MIDDLE: Harry spots the Kants and follows them while Peep follows him, and Carina follows everyone.

END: Peep tries to kill Harry but Carina saves him and the Kants are killed.

INT. SPACEPORT – DAY

Harry is in his nest watching the concourse below. Eventually, the ship arrives and people spill out across it.

Harry goes to the observation room and activates the screen before settling down in front of it and watching intently.

Below, the robot mingles with the other robots and their police partners.

The visitors start to come through and each one is scanned and their passports matched to their scans. Everyone is given a status, Resident, Work VISA or Holiday VISA. This data comes up on the robot’s vision against the person it refers to.

Eventually, the robot hears Harry’s voice through his network comms.

HARRY (FILTERED)

There’s an elderly couple to your left. Find out what you can and meet me by the doors. Do not let them know we’re interested in them.

The robot uses his rear facing eye and spots the Kants. He downloads their data.

ROBOT

Duke and Florry Kant. Married for seventy two years. Martian residents. He’s a retired engineer and she was a professor of linguistics.

HARRY

If they’re Martian, I’m a little green alien called Derek.

EXT. SPACEPORT DOORS – DAY

Duke and Florry emerge into the Martin sunlight. They act like they’ve seen it all before but Florry can’t hide a smirk and Duke spots it and shakes his head at her.

They wander off towards the woods.

Harry and the robot come out of the spaceport and casually follow the Kants.

Peep emerges through the spaceport doors and follows Harry and the robot.

Carina Ellis leaves the Spaceport and follows everyone.

EXT. WOODLAND NEAR SPACEPORT – DAY

The Kants have stopped at a clearing and are sitting at a picnic table.

Harry and the robot are watching from behind trees thirty yards away.

HARRY

Why come here after supposedly visiting relatives on Earth for a couple of weeks?

ROBOT

They are obviously meeting someone.

Peep executes his plan. He somehow paralyses the Kants.

Harry spots that they are incapacitated and goes to check on them.

Peep disables the robot.

Peep springs into action and tries to kill Harry but he doesn’t know that Carina is there and she stops him from killing Harry but he kills Duke and Florry by accident.

Peep gets away.

Carina is devastated about the Kants.

HARRY

Thank you. You saved my life.

CARINA

I’ll happily trade it for theirs.

HARRY

How did you know them?

CARINA

I’m the one who’s been sending these people here to get murdered.

HARRY

Carina Ellis?

Carina nods.

HARRY (cont’d)

So you’re not sending them here intent on killing them.

CARINA

I came here to find out who’s killing them and stop the fucker.

HARRY

Looks like you and I have the same goal. I need to know more about what’s going on here. Tell me what you know.

CARINA

What choice do I have?

HARRY

You could go it alone but you don’t have the access I have.

CARINA

So we pool resources?

HARRY

Just information and ideas. I’m the police here and you’re technically a criminal. But you’re not here illegally are you?

CARINA

No, I’m resident. I just chose to help on Earth.

HARRY

Why?

CARINA

Because when people need help, you’re either a human being and you give it or you’re a dick and you piss on them.

HARRY

I have to call this in so you better make yourself scarce.

CARINA

I have an apartment on…

ROBOT

Shrewsbury Boulevard. 76 Prince Caspian Towers.

CARINA

That’s really creepy, tin man. If a human did that to me, I’d kick his cock off. Lucky for you that you don’t know any better.

ROBOT

I apologize for any distress caused. It was not my intention.

Carina laughs.

CARINA (TO HARRY)

None of these dickless droids has an ounce of humor do they?

The robot looks at Carina sideways as she leaves.

CARINA

How long?

HARRY

Couple of hours.

CARINA

See you in a bit, then.

Carina disappears into the trees.

Harry turns to the robot.

HARRY

I like her.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Steve Jones.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones Act 2 Middle Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is the power of focusing on one character to move an early draft along quickly.

BEGINNING: Harry and the robot go to interview Vor Worple despite being told not to by Buzzard

MIDDLE: They get into the clinic and ask their questions. Harry is now getting into this and thinks he can read everyone like a book.

END: Vor Worple runs rings around Harry who comes away with nothing.

BEGINNING: Harry and the robot are called into Buzzard’s office

MIDDLE: Buzzard asks them to explain themselves.

END: Buzzard royally bollocks them.

INT. MARS SPACEPORT – DAY

Harry rushes into the port a few paces ahead of the robot. He heads for the observation room.

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM – SAME

Officer Wisecrack stands over the woman prisoner who is restrained in a chair.

WISECRACK

You lot amuse me. You go to all this trouble to get here and you get to spend a couple of days inside a cell and then get a free ride back to where you came from. How does that feel?

WOMAN

You have a high opinion of yourself, don’t you?

WISECRACK

I’m a Lieutenant in the Martian police. What do you think?

WOMAN

I think it’s entirely unfounded.

WISECRACK

What did you say?

Harry barges in.

WISECRACK

Oh, here we go. What does he want?

HARRY

Wisecrack. It had to be you didn’t it? I need to speak to her.

WISECRACK

I don’t think so.

HARRY

She’s got information I need to find out who’s killing these Earthers.

WOMAN

Who’s been killed?

WISECRACK

The bloke you came with. he got iced half a click from here.

HARRY

Did you know him? Did you travel together?

The woman is upset.

WOMAN

He’s dead?

WISECRACK

Get out of here, Koala. She’s not talking to you.

The port PA system announces the arrival of the ship.

Wisecrack undoes the restraints holding the woman to the chair but keeps her hands bound. He puts a jacket over them to cover the cuffs.

WISECRACK (cont’d)

Time to go back home.

HARRY

Who sent you here? Who planned this?

WISECRACK

Get out of my way! She’s got nothing to say to you.

HARRY

Wisecrack, she may know who did this. She could be able to help me stop more killings.

WISECRACK

So? Makes my life easier if I don’t have to babysit them.

WOMAN

She said you were all fascist asshats.

HARRY

Who? Who said this man is a fascist?

WISECRACK

She said we’re all fascists. Not just me.

HARRY

Can I scan your neck?

WOMAN

What? Is there something inside me?

Wisecrack pulls the woman out of the room.

WISECRACK

Come on. Fuck off Harry.

INT. MARS SPACEPORT – SAME

Harry and the robot follow Wisecrack as he leads the woman through the spaceport to the departure gate.

HARRY

Who were you going to contact when you got here?

The robot has not said anything since they arrived. Now he takes Harry to one side.

ROBOT

i have been able to access this woman’s records now that I have identified her accurately. There is something of interest in her medical history that may be pertinent.

HARRY

Not now. We’re about to lose her.

Wisecrack checks the woman through and follows her. Harry is allowed through when he shows his badge.

WOMAN (TO HARRY)

Help me stay here and I’ll tell you everything I know.

HARRY

I can’t do that. Help me stop this killer.

The woman is about to tell Harry something when Wisecrack takes her onto the ship and has his officers block Harry from following them.

WOMAN

(OVER HER SHOULDER) Carina Ellis!

Harry is frustrated.

HARRY

That prick Wisecrack!

ROBOT

I may have what we’re looking for.

HARRY

All I needed was a few minutes with her. She wouldn’t have been able to lie to me. I could have read her like a book.

ROBOT

May I read my book to you?

HARRY

What? What’s so important! We just lost our biggest lead.

ROBOT

The lady is on record as having been treated for SISCO.

HARRY

What? So?

ROBOT

Soon after her initial diagnosis she made contact with a clinic here on Mars and spent the next year investigating ways to get here.

HARRY

What clinic?

EXT. MARS CITY STREETS – TAXI – DAY

Harry and the robot are traveling across the city towards the spire that reaches to the highest point of the middle of the dome.

ROBOT

He told us not to do this.

Harry ignores him.

ROBOT (cont’d)

I was under the impression that one of your major character traits was an adherence to the law and all it stood for.

HARRY

All I have to do is look him in the face as he answers my questions. Then I’ll know the truth.

ROBOT

That does not acknowledge the flat refusal we were granted when suggesting this course of action.

HARRY

You really need to stop talking like a robot.

ROBOT

I am a robot.

HARRY

I thought all robots wanted to be more human and develop feelings and stuff.

ROBOT

Feelings, while essential to the human psyche after you spent millions of years evolving your thinking brain on top of your feeling brain, are quite unnecessary for mechanicals. They get in the way.

HARRY

But you sound like you’ve taken offense to me saying you talk like a robot.

ROBOT

Only a human could mis-read the comment to such a degree.

HARRY

You sound nervous.

ROBOT

I draw your attention to my previous statement.

HARRY

Buzzard won’t do anything. He’s full of hot air.

ROBOT

For one who relies entirely on seeing and interpreting micro-signals and physical nuances, you are remarkably obtuse when your feelings come to the fore. I suggest that your bluster is the product of your nervousness.

HARRY

(GRUMPY)

We’re here.

Harry jumps out of the taxi barely before it’s stopped and stalks up the steps of the Worple Clinic.

The robot follows.

INT. WORPLE CLINIC – RECEPTION – DAY

Harry enters the reception area and is greeted by a HOLOGRAM. The hologram changes age, sex and facial appearance as Harry speaks to it.

HARRY

I need to speak to Mr Worple. Police business.

Harry shows his badge to an attractive 40-something female.

HOLOGRAM

Certainly Lieutenant Koala. May I inform Mr Worple bout the subject of the proposed meeting.

HARRY

Christ, you talk like him.

Harry gestures towards the robot who bows slightly to the hologram.

HOLOGRAM

Good day, Robot 3574.

ROBOT

Good day, hologram Deirdre.

Harry tries again.

HARRY

We’re trying to understand any connection Mr Worple may have with Earth and particularly the SISCO breakout.

The hologram answers as a silver haired lady in her sixties.

HOLOGRAM

Please wait on the seats.

Two seats rise from the floor behind them and the hologram disappears.

Harry remains where he is. The robot takes a seat.

The hologram returns as a teenage boy with freckles and red hair.

HOLOGRAM (cont’d)

I regret that Mr Worple cannot see you now. He suggests you make an appointment for next July.

HARRY

It’s August.

The hologram answers as a Jack Russel.

HOLOGRAM

Mr Worple was most apologetic.

HARRY

Tell him we’ll be talking to Carina Ellis.

HOLOGRAM

As you wish.

Thee hologram disappears and returns a few seconds later as a circus clown.

HOLOGRAM (cont’d)

Mr Worple suggests that he could possibly see you at the end of June.

HARRY

This is ridiculous. OK, tell him that we will we return with a search warrant to go through this building, interview his patients, make a nuisance of ourselves and generally disrupt his business.

HOLOGRAM

Oh, nicely played. He will not be happy with that.

The hologram disappears and does not return.

A door at the back of reception opens and Harry and the robot tentatively pass through into a corridor and then through a second door that opens off the passage. They find themselves in a consulting room.

INT. CONSULTING ROOM – DAY

Harry and the robot potter about I the room for a minute before Vor Worple enters. He’s wearing a white lab coat and appears to be very busy.

WORPLE

Five minutes.

HARRY

Thanks you for this. I appreciate that you’re busy and we’ve probably taken you from something very important. But this is an important case and we need your help.

WORPLE

Four and a half minutes.

HARRY

OK, I get it. What dealings do you have with Earth?

WORPLE

Many of our clients have SISCO and come here from Earth for treatment.

HARRY

OK, what about Carina Ellis? Do you know her?

WORPLE

No.

HARRY

You have no dealings with Carina Ellis?

WORPLE

Not to my knowledge. She could b someone I have some dealing with but whose name I don not know. She could be someone I have dealings with who uses an alias with me. There are a number of scenarios where I could have dealings with her but not know it is the woman you mention. Could you describe her? Perhaps I’d recognize a physical description.

HARRY

No, let’s leave that one. So, you aren’t using illegal immigrants to smuggle contraband into Mars?

WORPLE

No. Time’s up I’m afraid Lieutenant. I have to return to my tests. Please leave the building the way you came in.

Worple leaves. The door stays open and Harry and the robot leave the building.

EXT. MARS CITY CONCOURSE – DAY

HARRY

How do you think that went?

ROBOT

I learned nothing. How were his micro-expressions?

HARRY

Buzzard’s going to kill me.

INT. POLICE HQ – OUTSIDE BUZZARD’S OFFICE – DAY

Wisecrack watches from a chair he’s positioned facing Buzzard’s office as Harry and the robot are shouted at by Buzzard.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones – Act 2 reaction to turning point.

What I learned doing this assignment was never to try and save documents in a hurry.

INT. POLICE HQ – DAY

Harry has set up a screen and chair and is reviewing what they know about the case. All they have is the pathology report and the possibility someone is smuggling something into Mars.

The robot stands beside the screen while Harry sits and stares at the meager information.

HARRY

We need more information.

ROBOT

May I suggest following procedures carried out by the police forces on Earth where the crime rate is significantly higher?

HARRY

I’ve got this. We just need to find out what the (BEAT) or how he (BEAT). OK, what do they do?

ROBOT

As I understand they start with the victim and work backwards to establish who he was and how he did what he did, in order to develop a possible motive.

HARRY

But in our case the motive is the smuggling and the victim was just a mule. He probably had no connection with the killer.

ROBOT

Then, how did he get here illegally. He didn’t just buy a fake passport. We’d have spotted that. He was in the system as a Martian resident. So was the lady you arrested.

HARRY

And I’m convinced she was a decoy to keep us from spotting him.

ROBOT

In which case we know that whoever smuggled the unknown substance has considerable financial, technological and other wide ranging resources.

HARRY

And on Earth and Mars.

ROBOT

Most likely.

HARRY

Buzzard’s not going to like this. So, we need to find out anything we can about the victim’s life on Earth, how he came to Mars and who helped him. Same with the woman.

The robot turns to the screen and as Harry speaks, the robot transcribes the list onto the screen wirelessly.

HARRY (cont’d)

We need to find out what was being smuggled, who met the victim in the woods, who… Shit biscuits! The woman. She’ll be sent back when the shuttle makes its return run to Earth.

ROBOT

The Captain is coming.

HARRY

Come on!

Harry rushes out with the robot right behind him. Buzzard is nearly trampled as they fly past.

BUZZARD

Harry, where are we with the case?

HARRY

Just about to interview a major witness! (SOTO) If we’re not too late.

Harry and the robot are gone.

Buzzard reads what’s on the screen and frowns.

BUZZARD

Smuggling?

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones – Finish Act 1

What I learned doing this assignment is that I could be doing this so much faster if it was my job and not just a hobby I’m squeezing into my life.

INT. OFFICE ON EARTH – SEATTLE – NIGHT

CARINA ELLIS watches the distant lightning of a mega-storm in the horizon as it lights up the Seattle skyline. She’s late thirties, fit and determined. Look at the tension in that jawline.

KEENAN BELISSIMO waltzes into the office without knocking. He’s similar age to Carina but he’s an oil slick on legs and thinks he’s God’s Gift to everyone.

KEENAN

What’s so important?

CARINA

Ellis didn’t make it.

KEENAN

He got spotted?

CARINA

No, he got killed.

KEENAN

What? How? Where? Who killed him? Why?

CARINA

I’m not repeating myself. I don’t know, outside the Spaceport, I don’t know and isn’t it obvious?

KEENAN

Huh?

CARINA

Don’t ask questions if you don’t want answers.

Carina sits at her desk and studies her data pad.

KEENAN

That the feed?

Carina lays the datapad on the desk for Keenan. She won’t hand it to him in case she touches him by accident.

Keenan picks it up. He moves his lips as he reads.

KEENAN (cont’d)

Says he was killed in the woods outside the Spaceport.

CARINA

I’m going to do something about this.

KEENAN

Sure… What?

CARINA

Book me on the next ship.

KEENAN

Where to? What? Mars? Are you having an aneurysm? He’ll pitch a fit.

CARINA

I don’t care what Mr Worple does. I care about the people that trust me to give them a new life, not get them killed.

Keenan is exasperated.

KEENAN

But you can’t go. Who will do the stuff around here?

CARINA

You will. And I can keep an eye on Duke and Florry if I go with them.

Keenan starts to pace round the office dramatically.

KEENAN

But, you can’t go.

CARINA

I can. I have Martian citizenship, I have the money, I haven’t had a holiday in six years. What’s stopping me?

KEENAN

Me! Worple! The people who need you here. Everyone. Think about this.

CARINA

I have and it’s all set. I’ll sort out the ticket. You ask Duke and Florry to get over here and I’ll explain it all to them. They need to know that things are a lot more dangerous now but I’m going to be there with them. They may decide to pull out. Have you thought of that?

KEENAN

What? They can’t! Would they do that?

CARINA

What would you do?

KEENAN

I’d… pull out.

CARINA

Exactly. You wouldn’t risk getting killed would you?

KEENAN

You should go I’ll tell Worple you’re coming.

CARINA

No, you won’t do that. I don’t want anyone to be forewarned. my name will be on the passenger list but there’s no need to advertise. So, no don’t tell him.

KEENAN

OK, you’re the boss.

CARINA

Correct. Now, I’m going to take a minute to freshen up.

Carina leaves the office.

Keenan pulls out his COMMS from his pocket. He taps the screen and holds it to his ear.

KEENAN

Tell him she’s coming with the next shipment. She’ll be on Mars in three days. What does he want me to do?

Keenan hangs up and tries not to look worried.

EXT. WOODLAND NEAR SPACEPORT – DAY

Harry and the robot approach the scene of the murder. A dome of static covers the scene and a couple of forensic types scan the area with various devices.

Harry and the robot walk up to the dome and pass through.

INT. FORENSIC DOME – DAY

Harry looks around at the charred grass where Ellis died.

ROBOT

Would you like me to scan for traces?

HARRY

No, I can do it.

Harry crouches onto his haunches and examines the area.

The robot leans over to see what Harry is looking at. It then starts to scan anyway as Harry does his version.

HARRY (cont’d)

So, it looks like he met someone.

The robot shows a 3D scan of his version.

ROBOT

And they spent a few seconds uneventfully.

The scan shows the two figures face each other.

HARRY

Before the assailant got behind him…

ROBOT

Probably holding him around his neck…

The image shows the attack.

HARRY

Until he froze his victim and had time to come round the front…

ROBOT

Administer the incendiary…

HARRY

with some sort of time delay…

ROBOT

And amble off into the sunset.

HARRY

Sunrise. Not bad.

ROBOT

Thank you.

HARRY

OK, so we’re looking for timings between administration and activation. How long before I got here was the attack. And we need to know about the freeze agent and the incendiary itself.

ROBOT

To what end?

HARRY

If we know what they used, it might tell us what they were trying to achieve and that might go some way to telling us something about why they did this.

ROBOT

Not just an Earth-hater?

HARRY

To prepared. To clinical and too brutal. How on Mars did they get these chemicals? There are no production facilities for this and only medical supplies and specific building materials are transported from Earth.

ROBOT

Why is that?

HARRY

Pollution. We don’t want it and Earth already has it. Let them choke.

ROBOT

What next then?

HARRY

We go and ask a friend of mine for answers to our questions.

Harry heads for the edge of the static dome.

HARRY (cont’d)

Come on.

The robot follows him.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones Act 1 Turning Point Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is I can get into the writing so much more easily than I could before I started using this method.

Outline turning point scene

INT. MORGUE – DAY

BEGINNING: Harry and the robot go to the morgue.

MIDDLE: They find out about how the illegal was killed. Harry wonders why this method was used.

END: Harry speculates that someone is using illegal immigrants to smuggle something to Mars. He’s appalled, interested and puzzled. For the first time in years, he’s interested in a case.

INT. MARS CITY ONE MORGUE – DAY

Harry and the robot enter a sterile, featureless room. There’s a chair on one wall and a small woman standing alone in the center of the room. She’s leaning over and moving her hands around at stomach height. She’s also wearing a pair of opaque glasses and thin gloves. This is the Coroner TRACY SPENCER. She’s mid-fifties, sharp and sharp tongued.

TRACY

Sit down and shut up.

Harry sits down on the chair. The robot looks around for another but sees none so he squats into a seated position without the need for a chair.

Tracy continues her bizarre mime for a few seconds.

TRACY (cont’d)

Well, that explains a lot.

Tracy stands up and takes off the glasses. She presses her right palm in a few places with her left forefinger. Slowly, a platform rises from the floor until it’s at her waist height.

TRACY (cont’d)

Have a look at this, Mr detective.

Harry gets up and comes to the table. She taps the ball of her thumb and a 3D rendering of the murdered illegal appears on the table. He’s naked but looks unharmed. There’s no sign of the injuries that killed him.

HARRY

What have you got?

Tracy looks quizzically at the robot.

HARRY (cont’d)

I know.

Tracy smiles to herself.

HARRY (cont’d)

Buzzard’s got me by the balls.

Tracy turns back to the table.

TRACY

OK, this is the sequence of events that terminated our friend’s existence on Mars or anywhere else.

As Tracy speaks, the 3D rendering shows what she’s telling Harry.

TRACY (cont’d)

First, an oral incendiary was administered. This ignited a few seconds after contact with the mucous membrane of his esophagus. He was immediately burnt from his buccal cavity through the entire esophagus and into his stomach.

Harry looks at the robot who is leaning over the image to get a better view. It notices Harry looking at him.

HARRY

The robot wants to know what that is in layman’s terms.

TRACY

Of course he does. His mouth, throat and stomach were torched by a pill he swallowed. Probably against his will unless he was suicidal and insane.

HARRY

Not a good way to go?

TRACY

Horrible.

HARRY

So did he jump or was he pushed… Why would someone who’s gone to the extreme lengths of coming all the way to Mars illegally, get here then pop his own cork?

TRAY

Quite. No, this was definitely murder.

HARRY

How can you be 100% sure of that?

TRACY

Because of this.

She zooms in on the throat area of the rendering and rotates the image so Harry and the robot can see an area of the neck.

TRAY

See where the fire burnt all the way through his throat and came out the neck?

HARRY

I guess. What dos that mean? Hot spot?

TRACY

No. Someone made a small cut in his neck before they burnt him.

HARRY

How big?

TRACY

So big. Maybe an inch long. But very localized.

HARRY

Why would they do that? Nowhere near the jugular?

Carina shakes her head.

HARRY (cont’d)

Some form of threat to make him take the pill?

Carina shakes her head.

CARINA

It was deep and bigger at the bottom.

HARRY

Like there was something inside him they were removing?

Carina nods her head.

CARINA

Give that man a chocolate certificate.

Harry is wide-eyed.

HARRY

Wait. So someone comes to Mars illegally. If I didn’t know better, there was a decoy to distract us from spotting him at the port. Then he nearly gets away but I’m on him. So whoever did this, was running out of time. But they made him swallow the pill after they’d cut his neck to extract something he was carrying…no, smuggling into Mars! They then burnt the evidence to hide anything we might learn because we found him and stopped them from disposing of his body how they’d planned.

ROBOT

I find that scenario extremely unlikely.

Harry and Carina both glance at the robot.

CARINA

Did you know it could do that?

HARRY

Talk?

CARINA

Yes.

HARRY

No.

They ignore the robot and carry on.

CARINA

What you say fits. It’s a huge leap but it all fits. If there’s another explanation for the physical evidence I haven’t come up with it so I say run with your theory. Run like the wind.

HARRY

I can’t believe that some evil fucker is smuggling something into Mars inside illegal immigrants who are hiding behind other decoy illegals to get through unnoticed. What a devious, slippery… GENIUS! This is amazing! Finally, an interesting case.

CARINA

That’s my caring Harry.

HARRY

Don’t get me wrong, this is horrible and the guy (points at the rendering on the table) needs his killer hung drawn and quartered. But what a case! This is genius level, fucked up psycho murder shit! And it’s my case! Thank you Mr Psycho and thank you Buzzard.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones – Act 1: Opening scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is that there’s always an easy way to overcome the urge to do something else other than write.

INT. MARS SPACEPORT – DAY

Harry is on duty when a ship arrives from Earth.

Harry finds it all routine and easily spots someone that the AI system and spotter robots miss who turns out to be there illegally. The illegal immigrant is taken away pleading for help. Harry opens the automatic doors to free a bird/butterfly/something else.

Harry’s relationship with his fellow officers is strained and they keep him at arms’ length.

Harry’s boss is more accepting of the results
Harry gets but still doesn’t understand him. He tells Harry that his life on Mars
is blessed because he’s useful but he should never forget that he should really
be on Earth with all the other slummers.

INT. VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Vor instructs Peep about how important this last segment of the chemical is to him and reminds him to bring back a living mule not a dead donkey. It matters to him that they’re alive.

Peep is subservient to his master and does everything he wants. He is downcast after being used in the bedroom but becomes animated when given a real job to catch and bring back the illegal.

FADE IN:

INT. MARS SPACEPORT – DAY

HARRY KOALA looks out over the Mars Spaceport concourse from the mezzanine above. He’s mid forties, fit, good looking and bored.

LEIGHTON BUZZARD ambles up behind him. He’s older than Harry and wears authority like a casual sweater.

LEIGHTON BUZZARD

You look bored.

Harry looks at the cops and their robot partners on the concourse below.

HARRY

Bet you a half eaten doughnut they don’t spot anyone.

Buzzard grimaces.

LEIGHTON BUZZARD

Big stakes huh? And you’re going to do your usual and find someone for us?

HARRY

If they’re there, yup.

LEIGHTON BUZZARD

No-one likes a smart ass, Harry.

HARRY

Unless they’re better at their job than everyone else. Or anything else. But you’re right. No-one likes having their noses rubbed in it.

One of the cops below looks up and sees Harry talking to Buzzard. He nudges his robot partner and all the robots look in the Harry’s direction at the same time. Some of their human partners catch on and glance up.

HARRY (cont’d)

See that one? (Harry points at a cop on the concourse.)He’s so busy being obtuse, he hasn’t even noticed everyone else clocking our conversation.

The unobservant cop sees everyone looking up and turns to look at what they’ve seen.

Harry waves at him and blows him a kiss.

He gives Harry the finger, spots Buzzard behind him and quickly salutes.

HARRY (cont’d)

Your elite squad of trackers relies on their robot data peddlers to do everything for them. They wouldn’t notice if they left their dicks out after going for a piss. I can’t be here for every landing.

LEIGHTON BUZZARD

There’s one a week. It takes two hours to clear the crew and the passengers.

HARRY

Then it’s lucky for you that I can be here for each one then.

LEIGHTON BUZZARD

And lucky for you that you’re so good at spotting the illegal ones that the computers say are legal.

HARRY

Don’t threaten me.

LEIGHTON BUZZARD

No-body likes a smart ass.

Harry stares at Leighton who returns the favor.

LEIGHTON BUZZARD (cont’d)

(Nodding at something behind Harry) You’re on.

Harry glances over his shoulder. He sees the landing gear of ten million tonnes of space liner come into view through the spaceport windows. It drifts down onto the landing pad supported by huge blue flames from landing booster rockets.

Leighton wanders off.

LEIGHTON BUZZARD (cont’d)

Catch me something juicy.

HARRY

(Soto) Go fuck yourself. Sir.

INT. VOR WORPLE’S CLINIC – SAME

VOR WORPLE sits in his favorite recliner and watches the space liner slowly descend behind the spaceport on the edge of the huge dome they all live in. He’s old but looks fit and healthy. he could be sixty or ninety. You just can’t tell these days.

Worple is wearing a robe and his thick, silvery hair is disheveled. At the foot of his chair, PEEP KANSAS is slumped on the floor. He is younger, naked and wiry. His head hangs down slightly.

Worple nudges the back of Peep’s head with his foot.

WORPLE

You’re missing the show.

Worple looks back at the spaceport.

WORPLE (cont’d)

Are we clear on this one? No mistakes.

Peep nods.

WORPLE (cont’d)

Time to clean yourself up then and go and get my last delivery.

Peep lifts his head and glances towards the spaceport as the huge ship finishes its landing. He smiles slightly, hauls himself up and heads for the shower.

WORPLE (cont’d)

Good boy. (Calling after Peep) No mistakes! This is the final piece of the jigsaw.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones – Beat Sheet Part 2

What I learned doing this assignment is that each level of the process filters the unnecessary out so you can focus on the important part.

Act 1:

INT. MARS SPACEPORT – DAY

Opening: Harry is on duty when a ship arrives from Earth.

INT. VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Vor instructs Peep about how important this last segment of the chemical is to him and reminds him to bring back a living mule not a dead donkey. It matters to him that they’re alive.

INT. SPACEPORT – DAY

Harry finds it all routine and easily spots someone that the AI system and spotter robots miss who turns out to be there illegally. The illegal immigrant is taken away pleading for help. Harry opens the automatic doors to free a bird/butterfly/something else.

Harry’s relationship with his fellow officers is strained and they keep him at arms’ length. Harry’s boss is more accepting of the results Harry gets but still doesn’t understand him. He tells Harry that his life on Mars is blessed because he’s useful but he should never forget that he should really be on Earth with all the other slummers. (Buzzard has faked Harry’s Martian citizenship).

Inciting Incident: During the arrest of the first immigrant, Harry misses a second one who gets through undetected.

INT/EXT. MARS SPACEPORT – DAY

Harry spots the second illegal at the last minute and gives chase.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

TE: Peep kills the illegal just as Harry is about to catch him after an arduous chase.

In conversation with Wisecrack, Harry recognizes how hard the illegal tried to escape being sent back to earth.

Peep is horrified that he’s killed the illegal.

INT. POLICE HQ – DAY

Harry’s boss recognises that Harry is his best chance of catching illegals but that, as just one man, he needs help. He forces Harry to have a robot partner who he wants Harry to teach his tracking techniques to. Harry is appalled by the idea and reminds Buzzard how he works alone.

INT. EARTH OFFICE – NIGHT

On Earth, Carina hears the news and vows to Keenan that she’s going to catch the killer. The people she sends to a new life on Mars matter to her. Keenan wants to know how she’s going to do that, and Carina tells her she’s going to Mars with the next illegals.

EXT. WOODLAND – DAY

TE: Harry investigates the site of the murder with the robot in tow. He makes some initial discoveries based on his methods and has to explain them to the robot.

INT. VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Peep tells Vor that the police have the latest shipment and Vor is furious. He tells Peep that they still need one more because of him. Peep is devastated. The last delivery was all he needed to finish his work and now that Peep has killed him and destroyed it, they need someone else to bring it to him.

INT.POLICE HQ – DAY

Turning Point: Harry’s dread of being sent to Earth is brought home when Buzzard tells Harry he needs to solve this case using his special powers or he’ll be out of the job and that will mean he’s on borrowed times on Mars. The future of Mars’ tourist trade and business relations with Earth are at stake. This is a career defining or career destroying situation.

Act 2:

INT. MORGUE – DAY

New plan: TE: Harry is now scared and ups his game with the investigation. He and the robot go to the morgue and find out about how the illegal was killed. Harry wonders why this method was used. The robot still doesn’t understand and Harry tells him that one of his problems is that people’s lives don’t matter to him.

INT. VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Vor tells Keenan to get the next illegals set up with the last shipment again.

PLACEHOLDER:

Plan in action: Harry establishes a link between something about the illegal and Vor’s clinic.

INT. POLICE HQ – DAY

Harry tells Buzzard he is going to interview Vor and Buzzard warns him to stay away from the most powerful man on Mars.

INT.VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

TE: Harry breaks the rules and interviews Vor who tells him about SISCO and his treatment for sick Earthers who can afford the journey and the VISA. Harry asks him about the immigration policy and how someone would beat it. Vor says he doesn’t know.

EXT. VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Harry leaves, telling the robot that Vor is hiding something. The robot doesn’t believe him.

INT.VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Vor instructs Peep to get Harry out of his way.

INT.SPACEPORT – DAY

Carina arrives from earth with the lates immigrants and sees Harry following them. She follows them all.

INT. VOR’S CLINIC – NIGHT

Vor plans for the next delivery on the assumption that Harry will be out of the way.

EXT. WOODLAND – NIGHT

Harry moves in to arrest the immigrants and Carina tries to confront Harry just as Peep tries to kill him.

INT. HARRY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

TE: Harry experiences a very different life on Mars when Carina accuses Harry of being the killer and he narrowly escapes death. Harry and Carina find out more about each other.

Midpoint Turning Point: Harry adds to his allies/friends/partners when he reluctantly teams up with Carina.

Act 3:

INT. HARRY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Rethink everything: Carina slowly starts to believe that Harry isn’t the killer.

INT.EXT. VOR’S CLINIC – NIGHT

Or

INT. POLICE CELLS – NIGHT

TE: Harry now understands more from her about why the immigrants are risking so much.

Harry risks his badge by breaking into Vor’s Clinic to see what they can find.

Or

Harry frees the illegal they have in the cells.

Carina and Harry hide Javine. Her life is their responsibility. She is the last illegal Carina sent through.

INT. HARRY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

New plan: Harry is no longer driven by selfish needs as he faces his duty to catching the killer and changing the Immigration policy by going to Earth to set the plan for Vor’s capture in motion. Carina reminds him that without his Police badge, he will be a Martian citizen who went to Earth and returned under a false ID.

Harry explains how the only way to catch Vor and get his badge back is to return as the next illegal with whatever Vor is smuggling and catch him in the act of trying to extract it. Carina reminds him that the illegals don’t survive this process as far as she knows.

Harry reminds her that the Immigration force doesn’t have him on it anymore so he’ll get through easily.

TE: Harry admits that this is the only way and he’s prepared to risk it.

INT. SPACEPORT – DAY

Harry and Carina leave for Earth.

INT.VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Vor celebrates and contacts Keenan on Earth to check that the next delivery is on schedule.

INT. EARTH OFFICE – NIGHT

Keenan explains that it will be on the ship that is on it’s way to Earth when it returns to Mars.

INT. VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Vor tells Keenan that he needs another job doing when the ship docks.

INT. EARTH SPACEPORT – DAY

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Harry arrives on Earth and is promptly arrested, has his Martian passport is taken leaving him trapped in his version of Hell.

Harry works harder than he has done in his whole life to escape so he can set himself up as the next illegal.

INT. EARTH SPACEPORT – NIGHT

Harry returns to Mars illegally to lure Vor out and catch him red handed. Now he is exactly the same as those he used to spot and send back.

Act 4:

INT. SPACEPORT – DAY

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Harry and Carina return and Harry is spotted by his tracker robot using the techniques Harry taught him. But Harry gets through and the tracker robot follows him.

EXT. SPACEPORT – DAY

Carina follows them both.

Harry meets Peep who knocks him out and drags him back to the clinic.

INT. VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Vor is aware of Harry’s plan and prepared for him. It’s a trap!

No longer a loner and with everyone else’s help, Harry defeats Vor in the clinic where he’s been extracting the substance he’s been smuggling from Earth inside the illegals.

Vor can’t kill Harry because he has the last segment inside him and Harry can’t kill Vor because every life matters.

INT. POLICE HQ – DAY

Resolution: Harry exposes the real mastermind behind the immigration policy and it is dismantled.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones – High Speed Beat Sheet

What I learned doing this assignment is speed is your friend at this stage. I can put my perfectionism in a little box and put it on a high shelf nearly out of reach. Next draft, I’ll move it down one shelf closer and so on until my final draft when I’ll open up that box and lick it clean.

Act 1:

INT. MARS SPACEPORT – DAY

Opening: Harry is on duty when a ship arrives from Earth. He finds it all routine and easily spots someone that the AI system and spotter robots miss who turns out to be there illegally. The illegal immigrant is taken away pleading for help.

Harry’s relationship with his fellow officers is strained and they keep him at arms’ length. Harry’s boss is more accepting of the results Harry gets but still doesn’t understand him.

Inciting Incident: During the arrest of the first immigrant, Harry misses a second one who gets through undetected.

INT/EXT. MARS SPACEPORT – DAY

Harry spots the second illegal at the last minute and gives chase.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

TE: The illegal is killed just as Harry is about to catch him after an arduous chase.

Harry is amazed at how hard the illegal tried to escape when all he faced was being sent back home.

Peep is horrified that he’s accidentally killed the illegal.

INT. POLICE HQ – DAY

Harry’s boss recognises that Harry is his best chance of catching illegals but that, as just on man, he needs help. He forces Harry to have a robot partner who he wants Harry to teach his tracking techniques to. Harry is appalled by the idea and reminds Buzzard how he works alone.

INT. EARTH OFFICE – NIGHT

On Earth, Carina hears the news and vows to Keenan that she’s going to catch the killer. Keenan wants to know how she’s going to do that and Carina tells her she’s going to Mars with the next illegals.

EXT. WOODLAND – DAY

TE: Harry investigates the site of the murder with the robot in tow. He makes some initial discoveries based on his methods and has to explain them to the robot.

INT. VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Peep tells Vor that the police have the latest shipment and Vor is furious. He tells Peep that they still need one more because of him. Peep is devastated. The last delivery was all he needed to finish his work and now that Peep has killed him and destroyed it, they need someone else to bring it to him.

INT.POLICE HQ – DAY

Turning Point: Harry’s dread of being sent to Earth is brought home when Buzzard tells Harry he needs to solve this case using his special powers or he’ll be out of the job and that will mean he’s on borrowed times on Mars. The future of Mars’ tourist trade and business relations with Earth are at stake. This is a career defining or career destroying situation.

Act 2:

INT. MORGUE – DAY

New plan: TE: Harry is now scared and ups his game with the investigation. He and the robot go to the morgue and find out about how the illegal was killed. Harry wonders why this method was used.

INT. VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Vor tells Keenan to get the next illegals set up with the last shipment again.

PLACEHOLDER:

Plan in action: Harry establishes a link between something about the illegal and Vor’s clinic.

INT. POLICE HQ – DAY

Harry tells Buzzard he is going to interview Vor and Buzzard warns him to stay away from the most powerful man on Mars.

INT.VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

TE: Harry breaks the rules and interviews Vor who tells him about SISCO and his treatment for sick Earthers who can afford the journey and the VISA. Harry asks him about the immigration policy and how someone would beat it. Vor says he doesn’t know.

EXT. VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Harry leaves, telling the robot that Vor is hiding something. The robot doesn’t believe him.

INT.VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Vor instructs Peep to get Harry out of his way.

INT.SPACEPORT – DAY

Carina arrives from earth with the lates immigrants and sees Harry following them. She follows them all.

INT. VOR’S CLINIC – NIGHT

Vor plans for the next delivery on the assumption that Harry will be out of the way.

EXT. WOODLAND – NIGHT

Harry moves in to arrest the immigrants and Carina tries to confront Harry just as Peep tries to kill him.

INT. HARRY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

TE:Harry experiences a very different life on Mars when Carina accuses Harry of being the killer and he narrowly escapes death. Harry and Carina find out more about each other.

Midpoint Turning Point: Harry adds to his allies/friends/partners when he teams up with Carina.

Act 3:

INT. HARRY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Rethink everything: Carina believes that Harry isn’t the killer.

INT.EXT. VOR’S CLINIC – NIGHT

TE: Harry now understands more from her about why the immigrants are risking so much.

Harry risks his badge by breaking into Vor’s Clinic.

Carina and Harry save Javine who they then have to protect. She is the last illegal Carina sent through and they rescue her from Vor so they now have proof that he is involved.

INT. HARRY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

New plan: Harry is no longer driven by selfish needs as he faces his duty to catching the killer and changing the Immigration policy by going to Earth to set the plan for Vor’s capture in motion. Carina reminds him that without his Police badge, he will be a Martian citizen who went to Earth and returned under a false ID.

Harry explains how the only way to catch Vor and get his badge back is to return as the next illegal with whatever Vor is smuggling and catch him in the act of trying to extract it. Carina reminds him that the illegals don’t survive this process as far as she knows.

Harry reminds her that he Immigration force doesn’t have him on it anymore so he’ll get through easily.

TE: Harry admits that this is the only way and he’s prepared to risk it.

INT. SPACEPORT – DAY

Harry and Carina leave for Earth.

INT.VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Vor celebrates and contacts Keenan on Earth to check that the next delivery is on schedule.

INT. EARTH OFFICE – NIGHT

Keenan explains that it will be on the ship that is on it’s way to Earth when it returns to Mars.

INT. VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Vor is happy and tells Keenan that he needs another job doing when the ship docks.

INT. EARTH SPACEPORT – DAY

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Harry arrives on Earth and is promptly arrested, has his Martian passport is taken leaving him trapped in his version of Hell.

Harry works harder than he has done in his whole life to escape so he can set himself up as the next illegal.

INT. EARTH SPACEPORT – NIGHT

Harry returns to Mars illegally to lure Vor out and catch him red handed. Now he is exactly the same as those he used to spot and send back.

Act 4:

INT. SPACEPORT – DAY

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Harry and Carina return and Harry is spotted by his tracker robot using the techniques Harry taught him. But Harry gets through and the tracker robot follows him.

EXT. SPACEPORT – DAY

Carina follows them both.

Harry meets Peep who knocks him out and drags him back to the clinic.

INT. VOR’S CLINIC – DAY

Vor is aware of Harry’s plan and prepared for him. It’s a trap!

No longer a loner and with everyone else’s help, Harry defeats Vor in the clinic where he’s been extracting the substance he’s been smuggling from Earth inside the illegals.

INT. POLICE HQ – DAY

Resolution: Harry exposes the real mastermind behind the immigration policy and it is dismantled.

High Speed Writing Rules Rule!

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones – Transformational Events

What I learned from doing this assignment is the best script structuring comes from a process.

Act 1:

Opening

Harry is on duty when a ship arrives from Earth. He finds it all routine and easily spots someone that the AI system and spotter robots missed who turns out to be there illegally. They are taken away pleading for help.

Inciting
Incident

Harry sees how desperate the illegals are to escape from Earth when he doesn’t stop an illegal getting through and he is killed in front of Harry.

Harry starts to accumulate allies/friends/partners when Buzzard forces Harry to have a robot partner who he wants Harry to teach his tracking techniques to.

Turning
Point

Harry’s dread of being sent to Earth is brought home when Buzzard tells Harry he needs to solve this case using his special powers or he’ll be out of the job and that will mean he’s on borrowed times on Mars. The future of Mars’ tourist trade and business relations with Earth are at stake. This is a career defining or career destroying situation.

Peep tells Vor that the police have the latest shipment and Vor looses his shit.

Act 2:

New
plan

Harry ups his game with the investigation. Vor instructs Peep to get Harry out of his way.

Plan
in action

Harry finds out about the smuggling and interviews Vor. Carina arrives from earth and sees Harry leaving Vor’s clinic. Vor plans for the next delivery on the assumption that Harry will be out of the way.

Midpoint
Turning Point

Harry experiences a very different life on Mars when Carina accuses Harry of being the killer and Peep tries to kill Harry. He adds to his allies/friends/partners when he teams up with Carina.

Act 3:

Rethink
everything

Carina believes Harry who now understands more from her about why the immigrants are risking so much.

Harry risks his badge by breaking into Vor’s Clinic. Carina and Harry save Javine who they then have to protect. She is the last illegal Carina sent through and they rescue her from Vor.

New
plan

Harry is no longer driven by selfish needs as he faces his duty to catching the killer and changing the Immigration policy by going to Earth to set the plan for Vor’s capture in motion.

· Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

Harry is arrested on Earth, has his Martian passport taken and is trapped in his version of Hell. Vor has a man inside the organisation Carina runs and knew their plan all along. He’s now got Harry out of the way and there’s non-one to stop him finishing his serum.

Harry works harder than he has done in his whole life to escape so he can set himself up as the next illegal. He returns to Mars illegally to lure Vor out and catch him red handed. Now he is exactly the same as those he used to spot and send back.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict

Vor is aware of Harry’s plan and prepared for him. It’s a trap!

No longer a loner and with everyone else’s help, Harry defeats Vor in the clinic where he’s been extracting the substance he’s been smuggling from Earth inside the illegals.

· Resolution

Harry exposes the real mastermind behind the immigration policy and it is dismantled.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones – 4 Act Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is that not writing is dull and writing might be hard work to start with but is usually exciting by the time you’re done.

Concept

An isolated cop upholding an exclusive immigration policy must work with others to destroy it and stop the murderer who is using it for his own benefit.

Main
Conflict

Harry doesn’t care. He is blindly doing what he does so well and doesn’t let the pain that he causes the illegal immigrants he sends back get in and affect him. When his job, then his status on Mars and finally his life are threatened, he starts to see what position he has put others into. He fights back to protect himself and others for the first time by stopping the murderer and changing the immigration rules to allow more people to stay on Mars legally. The main conflict is Harry’s internal conflict with himself.

· Old Ways

Doesn’t care about the impact his actions have on the lives of others

Ignoring his failings as a human

Alone and isolated

Follows the rules

· New Ways

Cares deeply how he can change peoples’ lives for the better

Wants to be a better person

Trusting others with his life

Breaks the rules

2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening

Harry is on duty when a ship arrives from Earth. He finds it all routine and easily spots someone that the AI system and spotter robots missed who turns out to be there illegally. They are taken away pleading for help.

Inciting
Incident

While Harry is distracted, a second illegal gets through. Harry chases the illegal, but they are killed by Peep in front of Harry. This is an accident and Peep is devastated.

Turning
Point

Harry is told that the future of Mars’ tourist trade and business relations with Earth are at stake. This is a career defining or career destroying situation.

Peep tells Vor that the police have the latest shipment and Vor looses his shit.

Act 2:

New
plan

Harry ups his game with the investigation. Vor instructs Peep to get Harry out of his way.

Plan
in action

Harry finds out about the smuggling and interviews Vor. Carina arrives from earth and sees Harry leaving Vor’s clinic. Vor plans for the next delivery on the assumption that Harry will be out of the way.

Midpoint
Turning Point

Harry Is confronted by Carina who thinks he’s the murderer. While he tries to explain, Peep executes his plan to kill Harry who barely makes it out alive with Carina.

Act 3:

Rethink
everything

Carina believes Harry who now understands more from her about why the immigrants are risking so much.

New
plan

Harry sets himself up as the next illegal by going back to Earth with Carina.

Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift

Vor has an man inside the organisation Carina runs. He makes sure that Harry is arrested on Earth, has his Martian passport taken and is trapped in his version of Hell.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict

Harry must return to Mars as a genuine illegal immigrant and defeat Vor and Peep. Vor is aware of Harry’s plan and prepared for him. It’s a trap! Harry must work with everyone else and trust Carina with his life to defeat Vor and Peep.

Resolution

Harry exposes the real
mastermind behind the immigration policy and it is dismantled.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Steve Jones.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones – Character interviews

What I learned doing this assignment is that characters can lie to you, but you know what they’re saying. Subtext is already coming out.

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR PROTAGONIST

Tell
me about yourself.

I’m a detective in the Immigration department of the Martian Police force. My daily duties involve monitoring the incoming shuttle from Earth with the latest tourists and specialist workers involved in our infrastructure development and maintenance. There are teams that cycle in and out of here on weeklong shifts and a million tourists every year.

I’m a bit of a loner at work and in my private life. Not many people at work want to associate with me because I disagree with how they do their jobs. I don’t believe in relying on the AI robots to access data instantly and make judgments based on zeros and ones that can be corrupted or changed. I believe in what I see and what I recognise. It’s not even a gut feeling thing. It’s the micro expressions that the robots tell themselves they can see but they can’t read beyond their programmed definitions of each one. They’re not human and they can’t react or understand the reactions of a human in the way that a person can. I’m different and I don’t fit in and I don’t want to fit in.

Why
do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?

Wrong place at the right time. Who can say? It had to be someone I guess.

You
are up against <the antagonist=””>Vor. What is it about them that makes
this journey even more difficult for you? </the>

He’s got everything and he can do anything. How do you beat that? I’m on my own and everyone is against me and I don’t have any skills other than understanding what someone is thinking or wants.

In
order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way
outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them
will be the most difficult?

I might need help. I’m not good at asking for help and I’ve never really been able to find someone who would help me. Maybe I need to see their abilities a bit more. But mostly I need to accept that I can’t do it on my own.

What
habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let
go of?

I overthink everything while everyone else doesn’t seem to think at all. This means that I feel superior to them and their processes. I want to stop feeling this way but how can they wander through life not using their brains to choose for themselves or know what they want? I want to scream at them to wake up and start to think for themselves. It’s very depressing.

What
fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?

I can’t get sent to Earth. My parents are there and they should be here with me. They shouldn’t be living with the problems Earth has. Some days they can’t leave the house because it’s so hot and other times it rains for weeks. There’s SISCO of course and other diseases but I feel like I’ve abandoned them even though they left me here for my good. But I feel like everything will break if I get sent there so I have to find Ellis’ killer before they find out that I didn’t stop him at the boarder when I could have.

7. What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?

I can se what people are thinking and read their expressions to reveal their fears and other emotions. This isn’t what anyone else does. It makes me unique and shunned but that’s OK. Why would I want someone else working on this with me? They’s only slow me down or make a mistake. They wouldn’t be as dedicated to this as I am.

What
are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to
know?

What if I’m not good enough?

What
do you think of <the antagonist=””>Vor?</the>

Under that halo, he’s the Devil.

10. Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story

Someone is smuggling Immigrants to Mars so that they can get treated for their SISCO at Vor’s clinic. But I don’t think that they are even infected. I think that they are being used as mules to transport something else and when they get it here, they’re sent back or made to disappear. Ellis was their mistake. If I hadn’t let him go and then followed him to bring him in, I’d never have got in the way and caused them to kill him. That was their only mistake.

11. What does it do for your life is you succeed here?

I can save someone rather than sending them back to the Hell they’re trying to escape. I can do something good by breaking the rules I’ve followed so slavishly all these years.

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR
ANTAGONIST <div>

Tell
me about yourself.

Isn’t it obvious? Just look at what I’ve achieved here for these people. The Clinic saves more lives each day and everyone loves me. You can’t do that without having lots to give.

Having
to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?

I have every resource I need to achieve what is right. There will be no wavering from my duty to se that this happens. It is the only thing that matters. No-one else has any viable reason for this not to be the future.

Why
are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship
movie, why are you committed to making them change?

He is interfering in my business and no-one does that.

What
do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking
down your competition?

I shall live on as nature intended for another fifty years or more.

What
drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin,
or death?

I will not die. I will live forever and that is all that matters.

What
secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of
fear / insecurity?

I have an inherited weakness that could kill me.

Compared
to other people like you, what makes you special?

Isn’t it obvious? Just look at what I’ve achieved here for these people! The Clinic saves more lives each day and everyone loves me. You can’t do that without having lots to give.

What
do you think of <the protagonist=””>Harry? </the>

I have no opinion of anyone who does not matter.

Tell
me your side of this whole conflict / story.

There’s nothing to tell. I’ve been accused by this Immigration Officer of smuggling people to Mars and then killing them. It’s preposterous and if he continues with this line of attack, I shall resort to the strongest possible legal response. I shall crush him.

</div>

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones Character Profile Part 2

What I learned doing this assignment is that my characters are becoming more real.

Harry

What
draws us to this character?

He
always intends to do right but gets confused when others tell him what’s
right.

Traits:

Duty
bound, loyal, maverick, observant, clever

Subtext:

Harry
is always watching and interpreting. He can guide the conversation to
show the person who he is talking to what he has already recognised about
them before they know it themselves.

Flaw:

Confusion.
Harry is always confused about how to act based on his own conflicted thoughts
and what he thinks others are thinking.

Values:

Honesty,
truth, hard work, personal growth

Irony:

Irony: He can see what others can’t, but he is blind to what’s really right under his nose.

What makes this the right character for this role? He is an amazing detective and the perfect stooge for Vor.

Role
in the story: Harry is a victim. He is an Immigration Officer in the Mars
Police Force. He is tasked with preventing the illegal entry of anyone
from Earth not on a tourist VISA or working on Mars.

Age
range and Description: Harry is mid-thirties, charismatic but troubled. He talks to anything that
will listen as he explores his thoughts on his own.

Internal
Journey: Harry is isolated and
conflicted to start with. He believes only in the law and his ability to
track immigrants better than even the robots. But he is unsure that the
Immigration policy is fair. He becomes part of a group who are all working
towards the same goal. He believes in the goal and trusts those he is
working with.

External
Journey: Harry tracks illegal immigrants
to start with but ends up working to break down the barriers and instigate
legal immigration to Mars.

Motivation:
Harry blames himself for the
death of the immigrant he lets through in contradiction to everything he
believes is right. He is driven by guilt and the fear that his actions
will be uncovered and he will be sent to earth like the people he tracked.

Wound: Harry’s parents were part of the construction of the last
dome habitat on Mars but were sent back to Earth when the project was
finished. Harry was left to stay on Mars as he was born there and his
Mother and Father knew it would be a better life for him. Harry never
forgave them for abandoning him and put his abilities to good use sending
anyone who tried to make a new life on mars suffer.

Mission/Agenda:
Harry will defeat Vor and expose
the terrible immigration policy so that the boarders can be opened for
some legal immigration to Mars.

Secret:
Harry is terrified of being sent
to Earth.

What
makes them special? Harry can
read people and think for himself in a World where everyone relies on
computers and AI to think for them.

Vor

What
draws us to this character?

Amazingly
charismatic and utterly ruthless. But he’s driven by his own demons and fear
of death.

Traits:

Driven,
capable of anything, changeable, spoilt, charming

Subtext:

Vor
wants to control everyone and everything so is a huge manipulator

Flaw:

Tunnel
vision. Vor can only see what he wants.

Values:

Himself.
Loyalty.

Irony:

He
is fighting to avoid the only inevitable part of living – death.

What makes this the right character for this role? Vor is as clever as Harry, more driven than Harry and has infinite resources to fund his madness. He can see no-one other than himself so he registers none of the consequences of his actions.

Role
in the story: Vor is a villain. He runs a clinic that caters to incredibly
rich but aging population of Mars.

Age
range and Description: Vor
could be 50 or 70 but he looks amazing and is incredibly agile, active and
strong.

Internal
Journey: Vor starts as supremely
confident and even has a God-complex. He ends up feeling powerless, weak
and old.

External
Journey: Vor is wealthy and successful
and ends up losing his business and his freedom/life/residency on Mars.

Motivation:
Vor wants to control everything.
He started by controlling his own aging process but ended up trying to
control everyone and everything.

Wound: Vor is mortal and it kills him to be so.

Mission/Agenda:
Vor needs to extend his life
long enough to achieve everything he wants and deserves.
Secret:
He has a hereditary disease
that will kill him.

What
makes them special? Vor is
the most driven person on the planet and has all the resources he needs to
make anything happen.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Steve Jones.

[Steve Jones]

Protagonist

Role
in the story: Harry is a victim. He is an Immigration Officer in the Mars
Police Force. He is tasked with preventing the illegal entry of anyone
from Earth not on a tourist VISA or working on Mars.
Age
range and Description: Harry is mid-thirties, charismatic but troubled. He talks to anything that will
listen as he explores his thoughts on his own.
Internal
Journey: Harry is isolated and conflicted
to start with. He believes only in the law and his ability to track
immigrants better than even the robots. But he is unsure that the Immigration
policy is fair. He becomes part of a group who are all working towards the
same goal. He believes in the goal and trusts those he ends up working with.
External
Journey: Harry tracks illegal immigrants
to start with but ends up working to break down the barriers and instigate
legal immigration to Mars.
Motivation:
Harry blames himself for the
death of the immigrant he lets through in contradiction to everything he
believes is right. He is driven by guilt and the fear that his actions
will be uncovered and he will be sent to earth like the people he tracked.
Wound: Harry’s parents were part of the construction of the last
dome habitat on Mars but were sent back to Earth when the project was
finished. Harry was left to stay on Mars as he was born there and his
Mother and Father knew it would be a better life for him. Harry never
forgave them for abandoning him and put his abilities to good use sending
anyone who tried to make a new life on mars suffer.
Mission/Agenda:
Harry will defeat Vor and expose
the terrible immigration policy so that the boarders can be opened for
some legal immigration to Mars.
Secret:
Harry is terrified of being sent
to Earth.
What
makes them special? Harry can
read people and think for himself in a World where everyone relies on
computers and AI to think for them.

Antagonist

Role
in the story: Vor is a villain. He runs a clinic that caters to incredibly
rich but aging population of Mars.
Age
range and Description: Vor
could be 50 or 70 but he looks amazing and is incredibly agile, active and
strong.
Internal
Journey: Vor starts as supremely
confident and even has a God-complex. He ends up feeling powerless, weak
and old.
External
Journey: Vor is wealthy and successful
and ends up losing his business and his freedom/life/residency on Mars.
Motivation:
Vor wants to control everything.
He started by controlling his own aging process but ended up trying to
control everyone and everything.
Wound: Vor is mortal and it kills him to be so.
Mission/Agenda:
Vor needs to extend his life
long enough to achieve everything he wants and deserves.
Secret:
He has a hereditary disease
that will kill him.
What
makes them special? Vor is
the most driven person on the planet and has all the resources he needs to
make anything happen.

Other Characters

Carina is the caring stooge that Vor Worple is using to run the operation from Earth. She has no idea what happens to the people she helps get to Mars Illegally because they assume new identities there and disappear (so she is told).

Leighton is Harry’s boss. He is troubled by Harry’s success at identifying immigrants even when his robots fail to spot them. He doesn’t understand Harry but knows that he needs him so keeps him sweet but quietly so he doesn’t upset the team.

Peep is Vor Worple’s faithful and devoted pet assassin. He will do anything for Worple and is often asked to do more and more that Worple craves which Peep obediently delivers.

Prup is an Immigration officer on the team that Harry has multiple run-ins with.

Genre is Thriller

What I learned doing this assignment is that at this stage, simply writing is far better than simply perfecting.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Steve Jones.

[Steve Jones]

What I learned doing this assignment is a lot of things I hadn’t realised about my hero.

Harry is an Immigration cop on Mars determined to keep illegal Earth immigrants out.

Internal journey: From isolated, self-reliant and distrustful of others to supportive, embracing and inclusive of others.

External journey: From relying on his strengths to track and identify illegal immigrants and send them home to first, breaking the rules and letting one through and then working together with others to find their killer.

What are the old ways and new ways?

Old Ways

Self reliant

Ignoring his failings as a human

Alone and isolated

Determined to prove himself better than others

Has nagging doubts that the system is wrong

Devoted to following rules

New Ways

Determined to fight for justice

Building relationships

Trusting others with his life

Knowing he can’t succeed without others

Determined to bring down the system

[Steve Jones]

Hi, I’m Steve Jones.

I’ve written two stage musicals, a dramedy script and two screenplays amongst other things.

I want to develop more writing processes that help me work with my extrovert thinking that hates when I sit at the computer; it just wants to be talking to people.

I’m unusual because I don’t have any tattoos.

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.