[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Elevated Dialogue

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…rewrite dialogue to character profiles for each of my lead characters.

Rewrote at least 10 lines for each of my lead characters

Here are some of them:

SCENE 1:

Character 1: Captain Desai
Character profile: Core trait: misogynist

Character 2: Ria Sarkar
Character profile: Traits: Brilliant with an eye for detail; Subtext: Being Polite: Maintains composure despite facing sexism

Desai: Do they teach navigation at the receptionist school?

Ria: No, captain, but I was good at trigonometry in school… you see the last known position of this merchant vessel… it was the closest one to the sabotaged boat… my guess is…

Desai: Miss Ria… I can use a sextant…

SCENE 2:

Character 1: Ria Sarkar
Character Profile: Traits: tenacious, skeptical, independent; Motivation: Want: to prove her worth in the intelligence field dominated by men; Likeability: caring, honest

Character 2: Commander Vikram
Character Profile: Traits: Charming, Deceptive; Likability: Jovial outs people at ease

Ria spots Vikram and his camera at the bustling tea stall…
RIA
It’s so humid the city feels like one giant sauna!
COMMANDER VIKRAM
(nonchalant)
That’s why they call it the city of joy!
Codeword confirmed. Ria sits down and looks around to make sure they’re not being watched…

A police van suddenly screeches to a halt… Ria turns…
COMMANDER VIKRAM
Stay calm… look at me… lovely blue eyes…
Ria flinches…
Policemen jump out and surround the building… people start to gather on the streets…
RIA
You should leave for your hotel…
Pointing to the building being raided by the police…
COMMANDER VIKRAM
That’s where I’m staying… I’m afraid…
RIA
… are they looking for you?
COMMANDER VIKRAM
Should I ask…. but I’d love to stay and find out…
RIA
No, I wouldn’t… come with me now!
Ria motions for Vikram to follow her into the alley…
TRAITOR, a man in mid-30s, in handcuffs is dragged out of the building and pushed into the van…
CROWD
(cheers)
[Traitor! You deserve to die!]
A stone strikes the traitor on his head just as the van rams its way through the frenzied crowd… passing the alley…
Ria holds Vikram like a lover and plants a kiss on his lips…
COMMANDER VIKRAM
Nice move! Here I thought you were just a pretty face…
Ria quickly straightens up… embarrassed…
RIA
I’ll see you on the docks… Commander…
COMMANDER VIKRAM
Now, I feel the joy…!
Vikram wipes the lipstick off his lips and tastes it.
COMMANDER VIKRAM
I can’t wait… Miss Ria!
Ria rushes off down the dark alley and disappears…

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Elevated Interest

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… brainstorm ways to use more interest techniques in each key scene and rewrite the scenes into a more compelling story.

List of Interest techniques added to key scenes:

Structure:

Opening – Now has a more interesting setting, betrayal, internal dilemma, surprise, mislead/reveal, suspense, Uncertainty hope/fear, and cliffhanger.
Inciting Incident – Uncomfortable moment, internal dilemma, mystery, intrigue, Uncertainty Hope/Fear.
TP 1 – Uncomfortable moment, internal dilemma, mystery, intrigue, Uncertainty Hope/Fear.
Midpoint – more interesting setting, uncomfortable moment, superior position, betrayal, surprise, suspense, Uncertainty hope/fear, mystery, cliffhanger.
TP 3 – mystery, surprise, uncomfortable moment, major twist, character changes radically, internal dilemma, superior position, suspense, mislead/reveal, intrigue, Uncertainty hope/fear
Climax – superior position, surprise, uncertainty hope/fear, suspense, mystery, character changes radically, intrigue, uncomfortable moment

Lead Character Intros – added more interest techniques in each of the scenes

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Elevated Emotion!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to intensify the emotions already present in the scenes and brainstorm using emotional prompts to create emotions in scenes.

STRATEGY A: INTENSIFY EMOTION

Opening Scene 1 essence: Ria and her RAW colleagues steals intel and are chased by armen men as they leave the scene on a boat.

How intensified:

Raising the stakes: Ria jumps in front of the boat to save her colleagues and takes a bullet.
Increase opposition: more armed men shoot at them and her colleagues take off in the boat
Make it more painful: Ria misses the boat and plunges into the water
Escalate the conflict: men fire into the water…
Hope/Fear: Ria is afraid of water from a childhood accident / drowns deeper into the water
Hope/Fear: Fishermen pull her body out of the water – she’s frozen
Multiply the impact on others: Decide to drop the dead body back when her fingers twitch – she’s alive!
Put them in a worse situation: Ria looks for her missing lipstick and contemplates jumping back into the water… but collapses… a previous wound opens up!

STRATEGY B: Brainstorm New Emotions

Scene 7 essence: Ria’s colleagues in the cafeteria talk behind her back about her disgraced father and Ria is shunned by the colleague who saved her life for failing their mission.

Emotional Prompts: Triggers a wound, Humiliation, Abandoned

Triggers a wound: Ria crosses the atrium with the memorial wall of the fallen soldiers as a new star is added for a lost agent. Ria regrets that her father’s star is not on the wall
Humiliation: Colleagues gather around the wall and talk about her father disgracing the service
Abandoned: Ria’s colleague whom she saved tells her she would rather have her star on the wall than be saved to face the disgrace of a failed mission

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Dramatic Reveals!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… create a demand for my reveals and present them dramatically in the worst possible situation.
Improvements:

I went through all 55 reveals that I had created in earlier lessons and made the setups stronger and used interest techniques to dramatically reveal them throughout the script.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Loves Character Depth!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to elevate the character storylines and identify what they are hiding and looked at story triggers for the characters.

Changes made:

I laid out the character storylines and found places to elevate the journey and escalate.

I was able to look for what they are hiding underneath and found ways that the story could trigger them.

I added two scenes that could bring out the hidden traits and escalate a wound that I had established for one of the connected characters but then completely dropped off for the rest of the story.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Script Exchange 1

I’m a bit behind with this and I am not sure we are still doing the exchange but I still wanted to post my assignment. I have just completed my second draft and there are no major problems in the script.

Title: 1971 Silent War
Genre: War Thriller
Concept: A female radio operator trained as a British spy is enlisted to intercept a top-secret cable between the US and Pakistan critical for India to join the Bangladesh liberation forces in the 1971 Indo-Pak war.
Email address: sunilrpappu@orchidroomproductions.com

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Solved Scene Problems!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to identify scene problems and improve my scenes using the problem/solution grid.

I elevated my scenes increasing the challenges, using interest techniques to make them more interesting and rewriting scenes that did not advance the story or accomplish only one purpose.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu is Cliché Busting!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… looked for cliches but most of the scenes are quite unique and never seen before. I did however find a few cliché scenes in the climax and resolution that I fixed by asking the question what is the purpose of this scene.

Cliches busted:
Cliché: Marines storm the ship and kill the crew with stealth
New Version: Crew fight the marines in the ballast hold
Cliché: resolution scene where the PM thanks her for her service
New Version: They talk about women and how they are underestimated by men

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Solved Character Problems!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… solve character problems. I strengthened the character intros and used the profiles and actor attractors to ensure there were no generic lead characters and that each character was necessary and unique. I also checked to make sure that the internal conflict of my characters were coming through in their dialogue and actions. I used their core traits to highlight their actions throughout the script making sure that there were no scenes with them in inaction.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Structure Solutions!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… identify structural problems and use the problem/solution grid to fix them. I had a major plot hole that I was able to identify and fix it across the outline and script.

Structural changes Made:

Inciting Incident: more dramatic and increased stakes

Mid-Point: more emotionally charged and highlighted the internal conflict

Climax/Resolution – Plot change allowed for a more dramatic climax and a satisfying resolution

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Has Finished Act 4!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to celebrate my success in completing the first draft. It is not perfect but it is done! I wrote the 90-page first draft in less than 10 days and I’m proud of myself for finishing it!

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Continues Act 4

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to keep my eyes on the finish line and keep going. I was able to write 6 more pages of my Act 4.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Started Act 4

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to stick to the high speed writing rules and enjoy writing my final act. I wrote 6 pages to begin the act.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Finishing Act 3

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to write in time chunks of 15 minutes at a time. I was able to tell myself to just write the scene and move on. I was able to finish my Act 3 writing 6 more pages.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Suni Pappu Continuing Act 3

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to keep moving forward and not quit. I knew that I had to just honor my outline and write a 30% quality draft. Without overthinking it I kept writing to finish 6 more pages of my Act 3.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Began Act 3

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to ignore my inner critic and told him to sit outside while finished writing my bad first draft. I dove into my outline and powered through 10 pages of Act 3.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Completed Act 2

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to lower my standards and write a bad draft and empowered myself to have fun writing a bad first draft. I was able to write to the outline even when I felt it was useless I forced myself to write to the clock and ended up with a finished Act 2!

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Continuing Act 2

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to avoid wordsmithing and trying to go off into researching my topic since it’s quite unfamiliar to me and just write with placeholders instead… even for dialogue I put in what I felt was my version of the words without the technical jargon that would otherwise be used. I was able to keep writing and moving forward on the outline to write 10 more pages and hit the half-way mark on my page count!

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Began Act 2

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to stick to the high speed writing rules and write to my outline… I was able to power through and finish writing 10 pages in one sitting.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Finished Act 1

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to remind myself that I don’t need to know all the answers and to keep writing what I know and let my brain come up with solutions that I need later. I was able to power through the outline and write 20 more pages in one day to complete ACT 1.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Next Act 1 Scenes

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to continue to power through the outline using the high-speed rules. I empowered myself when I felt the story was weak or this was not a great idea or I didn’t know this world and just gave myself permission to write a bad first draft. I stuck to the outline and finished the next 10 pages in a day to complete ACT 1.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… I completed the first act using the high-speed writing rules and writing 10 pages on day 1, and 10 pages on day 2. I left notes for myself on things I didn’t know or probably needed research. I didn’t allow myself to go down any rabbit holes and stuck to the outline and wrote the scenes from that.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s High Speed Writing Rules

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to apply the high-speed writing rules. I was able to choose speed and write more than 10 pages a day for the last three days and completed my first Act. Kept moving forward when I didn’t have answers and kept myself empowered throughout.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s First Scene

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to write to the outline and choose speed over quality. I was able to get going once I lowered my expectations.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Outline Exchange 1

Hi everyone,

I have a war thriller that’s A CALL TO SPY meets GREYHOUND.

Title: The Sinking Line
Written By: Sunil R. Pappu
Email: sunilrpappu@gmail.com
Genre: War Thriller
Concept: A female radio operator trained as a British spy is enlisted to intercept a top-secret cable between the US and Pakistan during the 1971 Indo-Pak war.

Please message or email me if you would like to exchange feedback.

Looking forward to it.

Thanks
Sunil

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to use interest techniques to create fascinating scenes in my outline with a beginning, middle and end.”
OUTLINE VERSION VER 7
ACT 1
1. EXT. RIVER FRONT BUILDING – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ria and her colleagues scramble onto a boat amidst gunfire, with armed men shooting to kill. Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ria jumps in front of a colleague to save them, gets shot, and falls into the water, paralyzed by her fear of drowning. Ending: (Suspense) Ria's boat speeds away as she sinks, her colleagues unaware that she has fallen.
2. INT. FISHING BOAT – DAY
Beginning: (Mystery) Ria is revived by fishermen in a small boat, disoriented and in pain from a bullet wound. Middle: (External Dilemma) Ria realizes her pendrive, crucial to the mission, has dropped into the water and struggles with whether to dive back in or not. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Ria, weakened, searches frantically but ultimately collapses, fearing she has failed her mission.
3. INT. RAW BACK OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: (More interesting setting) Ria is in a cramped, cluttered back office filled with stacks of tapes and old equipment. Middle: (Suspense) She carefully listens to a recorded conversation, the room tense with the anticipation of uncovering vital information. Ending: (Major Twist) Ria plays back a crucial part of the recording to reveal an invasion plan by the PM of Pakistan.
4. EXT. AWAMI LEAGUE RALLY (EAST PAKISTAN) – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) The Awami leader steps onto the podium, and the crowd hushes in anticipation. Middle: (Suspense) The leader passionately demands civil rights, the crowd's energy intensifying even as police try to disrupt the proceedings. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The leader calls for a National assembly session, leaving the audience buzzing with anticipation and uncertainty about the government's response. (Uncertainty) Agitators provoke violence and the leader is arrested and escorted away.
5. INTERCUT – RIA’S DESK / RALLY
Beginning: (Superior Position) Ria listens intently to a tape, unaware of the real-time events at the rally. Middle: (Intrigue) As the rally progresses, the significance of what Ria is hearing becomes clearer. Ending: (Suspense) Ria realizes the rally's importance and the potential impact of the information she's uncovering, but she can't act immediately and relays the message to the boss.
6. INT. RAW CAFETERIA – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ria walks into the cafeteria, and her colleagues fall silent, casting suspicious glances her way. Middle: (Betrayal) Ria approaches the colleague she saved, expecting gratitude but is instead told to leave. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Ria leaves the cafeteria feeling isolated and dishonored, with whispers about her father's past echoing in her mind.
7. INT. RAW BACK OFFICE – EVENING
Beginning: (More interesting setting) Ria is in her cluttered office, attempting to find a moment of solace while calling her mother. Middle: (Uncertainty) Her mother urges her to come home, but Ria is torn between duty and family. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The call is interrupted by her boss, pulling her back into the mission's urgency.
8. INT. RAW WAR ROOM – EVENING
Beginning: (Suspense) The war room is tense as images of the Pakistani army's movements flash on the screen. Middle: (Intrigue) Analysts scramble to interpret the images and anticipate the next moves. (Misinterpretation) Chief secretary is unfazed by the news and tells RAW to focus on the capturing traitors within the country. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The realization hits that Operation Searchlight has begun, leaving everyone on edge about the immediate future. (Mislead/Reveal) Secy. Varma agrees with the chief secretary and wants permission for conducting an internal mission to train rebel forces who sought asylum instead.
9. INT. PAKISTANI NAVAL SHIP (FRENCH COAST) – NIGHT
SUPERIMPOSE: A FEW DAYS AGO, OFF THE FRENCH COAST
Beginning: (Suspense) Vikram and his crew are ready to abandon the ship amidst chaos and lack of response from the Admiralty. Middle: (Mislead / Reveal) As they are about to leave, the radio static suddenly comes on, causing Vikram to run back in. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Vikram hears a crucial, barely decipherable message, forcing him to make a snap decision.
10. INT. BORDER CROSSING (ITALY) – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Vikram nervously makes a call from a dimly lit phone booth at the border crossing. Middle: (Intrigue) Despite warnings about the call being tapped, he continues, revealing critical information. (Betrayal) Border patrol taps the call and surrounds the rebels Ending: (Suspense) Rehman covers up for Vikram and they are finally allowed to cross the border when the Indian Embassy staff steps in to vouch for them.
11. INT. RAW WAR ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: (Intrigue) Varma lays out a strategic plan to support the rebels, capturing the room's attention. Middle: (Conflict) The Chief Secretary interrupts, questioning the validity of Varma's methods and team which consists of questionable characters. Ending: (Suspense) The room is divided, with the plan's fate hanging in the balance as tensions rise. (Misinterpretation) Varma downplays the mission to the chief secretary who thinks its an easy political win for him to oust Varma from the PM’s good graces. (Superior Position) Chief secretary knows it’s unlikely to succeed and gives Varma the go ahead on his suicide mission.
12. INT. VARMA’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Beginning: (Conflict) Ria confronts Varma in his office, questioning her role in the mission. Middle: (Superior Position) Varma reveals he has more faith in her abilities than she realizes, giving her a new perspective. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Ria leaves the office determined but with lingering doubts about her true capabilities after failure in her last mission.
13. INT. CAB – NIGHT
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) On her way to the airport, Ria’s colleague thinks it’s a good thing that she is being sent home when Ria tells her she is actually going on a secret mission. (Intrigue) Ria rides in a cab, reflecting on her new assignment as her colleague expresses skepticism. Middle: (Misinterpretation) The colleague believes Ria is being punished, which makes Ria doubt the true nature of her mission. Ending: (Suspense) As they arrive at the airport, Ria's resolve hardens, determined to prove herself regardless of her colleague's doubts.
14. INT. RAW SAFEHOUSE – NIGHT
Beginning: (More interesting setting) Varma enters a dimly lit safehouse, adding an element of danger and secrecy. Middle: (Intrigue) He discusses the mission with the rebel crew and Cdr. Vikram, their plans taking shape. (Character changes radically/Superior position) Vikram takes credit for their safe border crossing in private with Varma. Ending: Uncomfortable moment) Varma gives them instructions to start training as swimmers for their mission. (Cliffhanger) The meeting is abruptly interrupted by a noise outside, leaving everyone on edge.
15. INT. GAMBLING DEN (BOMBAY) – NIGHT
Beginning: (More interesting setting) Capt. Desai is seen gambling in a smoky, dimly lit bar, his mood darkening. Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) A server hands him divorce papers, pushing him over the edge. Ending: (Suspense) Desai's anger spirals out of control, leaving him in a state of drunken despair and loses big. He refuses to pay and gets beat up and thrown on the street.
16. EXT. TEA STALL OUTSIDE FORT WILLIAM (CALCUTTA) – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Vikram has a camera case in hand and looks like a tourist. Ria meets Vikram at a bustling tea stall, exchanging covert glances and information. Middle: (Suspense) A police van suddenly arrives, arresting a Pakistani traitor and causing chaos. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The van leaves behind a trail of destruction, and Ria and Vikram are left to process the aftermath and its implications.
17. INT. BARRACKS (BOMBAY) – DAY
Beginning: (Conflict) Desai wakes up in the barracks, hungover and disgruntled. Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) He's informed that his vacation has been canceled and he must report to a shipyard. Ending: (Suspense) Desai reluctantly leaves on his scooter and rides away.
18. INT. REFUGEE SHELTER (CALCUTTA) – DAY
Beginning: (intrigue) Vikram walks into the refugee shelter which has been turned inside out and disperses the crowd outside the traitor’s room to see Urdu fliers strewn on the floor and locks himself in the next room. Middle: (Surprise) Vikram pulls out a loose floorboard and takes out Urdu fliers similar to the ones next door and sets them on fire. End: (Superior Position) Vikram dismantles the camera case and assembles a portable transmitter. (Mislead/Reveal) he sends a cryptic message to the Pakistani Admiral. (Cliffhanger) As he finishes, he hears footsteps approaching, leaving him with no time to hide the equipment.
19. INT. SHIPYARD (BOMBAY) – DAY
Beginning: (More interesting setting) Desai walks through the eerie, decommissioned shipyard, meeting Varma amidst rusting ships. Middle: (Conflict) Varma outlines the mission, stressing the urgency and importance. Ending: (Suspense) Desai grudgingly accepts, his mind racing with doubts and the monumental task ahead.
20. INT. FORT WILLIAM (CALCUTTA) – EVENING
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ria nervously reports to Varma, detailing her meeting with Vikram. Middle: (Uncertainty) She expresses doubts about Vikram’s loyalty, creating tension in the room. Ending: (Suspense) Varma listens intently but offers no immediate reassurance, leaving Ria’s concerns hanging in the air.
21. EXT. SPEED BOAT – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Vikram speeds through the water, the disguised transmitter carefully hidden. Middle: (Intrigue) He navigates the boat skillfully, glancing around for any signs of pursuit. (Uncertainty) Vikram checks the new camera case that is his hidden transmitter radio and stops in the middle of the sea to send out a test signal. Ending: (Cliffhanger) As he nears the base, he spots a patrol boat in the distance, forcing him to make a quick decision.
22. EXT. MV PADMA – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Ria is mistaken for the captain’s daughter and instantly connects with a young diver Lt. Rehman who apologizes for the insensitivity of his friends – the rebel crew. Middle: (internal dilemma) Ria looks down into the water as she gets off the ladder and her fear of water makes her lose her grip and slips losing her father’s ring (a keepsake). End: (Surprise) Lt. Rehman immediately dives in to retrieve the ring (Suspense) but gets close to the fins of the ship’s rudder blades.
23. INT. MV PADMA – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Captain derides Ria publicly and (uncertainty) she retaliates to defend her father’s honor. Middle: (Character changes radically) Cdr. Vikram jumps in to pull Rehman out of the water. End: (Mislead/Reveal) Vikram privately lets him go with a warning telling him they are even now.
24. INT. MV PADMA/DECK – EVENING
Beginning: (intrigue) Ria tunes into other frequencies and decodes communications between merchant vessels – gets reprimanded by Capt. Desai for straying from the mission of interception naval communications. Middle: (External dilemma) Captain Desai assigns Ria with menial tasks while taking her off the duty at the radio station. End: (Internal dilemma) Ria swallows her pride to ask permission to carry a sidearm for protection but the captain refuses when she cannot provide any just cause.
25. INT. MV PADMA/CREW QUARTERS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Rehman offers to do the menial job assigned to Ria but she refuses his help. Middle: (Uncertainty) Rehman stays with Ria and confides in her. End: (Hope) Ria, though still wary, begins to see a potential ally in Rehman.
26. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – NIGHT
Beginning: (Superior Position) Vikram sabotages the radio with a powerful magnet letting crucial communications slip through. Middle: (Major Twist) Capt. Desai gets secret orders to put Ria back on her station. End: (Uncertainty) Ria detects a technical glitch but her protests fare ignored and she missed a crucial communication.
27. INT. MV PADMA/DECK – MORNING
Beginning: (Intrigue) Desai receives a grim message about casualties resulting from the missed communication. Middle: (Conflict) He angrily confronts Ria, blaming her for the negligence. Ending: (Suspense) Ria is left feeling the weight of the blame and the crew’s suspicion, increasing the tension on board.

ACT 2
28. EXT. MV PADMA/TOP DECK – DAY
Beginning: (Conflict) Vikram announces an emergency drill under Desai’s orders. Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ria, still reeling from the earlier blame, refuses to comply, causing a stir. Ending: (Suspense) The crew looks on, unsure of the consequences of her defiance.
29. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ria monitors the radio, determined to prove herself. Middle: (Suspense) She intercepts a crucial message, her heart racing. Ending: (Cliffhanger) She deciphers the message, realizing its importance, and prepares to act.
30. EXT. MV PADMA/BELOW DECK – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Rehman encourages Ria as she prepares for the diving drill. Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Rehman’s dangerous stunt nearly jeopardizes the drill, but Ria overcomes her fear and succeeds. Ending: (Conflict) Rehman is reprimanded for his recklessness, but the bond between him and Ria strengthens.
31. EXT. MV PADMA/TOP DECK – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Vikram assigns Rehman an impossibly dangerous task. Middle: (Intrigue) Rehman struggles, his life hanging in the balance. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Ria intervenes just in time, saving Rehman and raising questions about Vikram’s motives.
32. INT. MV PADMA/VIKRAM’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: (Conflict) Vikram approaches Ria with a peace offering. Middle: (Uncertainty) He invites her to dinner, and she reluctantly accepts, wary of his intentions. Ending: (Suspense) Ria prepares for the dinner, uncertain of what to expect.
33. INT. MV PADMA/RIA’S QUARTERS – EVENING
Beginning: (Intrigue) Rehman sneaks into Ria’s quarters, gratitude evident on his face. Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) He shares his family pressures, revealing his vulnerabilities. Ending: (Hope) Their bond deepens, giving Ria a sense of solidarity and support.
34. INT. MV PADMA/TOP DECK – EVENING
Beginning: (More interesting setting) Vikram and Ria sit on the deck, the sun setting beautifully behind them. Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Rehman serves them, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. Ending: (Suspense) Ria remains cautious, aware of Vikram’s manipulative nature.
35. INT. MV PADMA/VIKRAM’S QUARTERS – EVENING
Beginning: (Suspense) Ria sneaks into Vikram’s quarters, intent on planting a bug. Middle: (Misinterpretation) Rehman, trying to help, accidentally spills wine on her dress, givng her an excuse to leave the dinner. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Ria hurriedly plants the bug and leaves, her heart pounding from the close call.
36. INT. MV PADMA/RIA’S QUARTERS – EVENING
Beginning: (Suspense) Vikram barges into Ria’s quarters, but she’s not there. Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) He inspects her radio logs before Ria comes in and he attempts to seduce her. Ending: (Conflict) Ria resists, maintaining her composure while internally seething.
37. INT. MV PADMA/RIA’S QUARTERS – EVENING
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ria tunes into a frequency, listening to Vikram’s coded message. Middle: (Suspense) She deciphers part of it, realizing its importance. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Ria is interrupted before she can fully decode it, leaving her with fragments of critical information.
38. EXT. MV PADMA/LOWER DECK – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Vikram leads a dive, the tension palpable. Middle: (Conflict) Rehman sacrifices himself to save Ria, but Vikram’s true nature is revealed as he kills Rehman and stages it as an accident. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Vikram blames Ria for the incident, intensifying her isolation and the crew’s mistrust.
39. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – EVENING
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Vikram publicly mourns Rehman, creating a somber mood. Middle: (Conflict) Desai harshly criticizes Ria, blaming her for the tragedy. Ending: (Suspense) Ria, feeling the weight of the blame, vows to uncover the truth.

ACT 3:
40. INT. MV PADMA/VIKRAM’S QUARTERS – EVENING
Beginning: (Suspense) Ria sneaks into Vikram’s quarters under the cover of night. Middle: (Intrigue) She searches through his belongings, finding incriminating maps and plans. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Just as she’s about to leave, she hears footsteps approaching.
41. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – NIGHT
Beginning: (Conflict) Ria decides to take matters into her own hands, planting false intelligence. Middle: (Suspense) She carefully crafts the message, aware of the risks. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The false intelligence is sent, leaving Ria anxious about the consequences.
42. INT. MV PADMA/CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Desai receives reports of civilian casualties. Middle: (Conflict) Ria realizes her actions led to the intelligence leak and the resulting deaths. Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ria is consumed with guilt, questioning her judgment and resolve.
43. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ria decodes a merchant ship communication, her focus intense. Middle: (Suspense) She identifies a unique signature, realizing it’s her former colleague. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The personal connection with the enemy operator raises the stakes and complicates her mission.
44. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – DAY
Beginning: (Conflict) Desai hesitates but ultimately decides to act on Ria’s information. Middle: (Suspense) The divers prepare for their mission, tension high. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The divers set off, the outcome uncertain.
45. EXT. PAKISTANI NAVAL SHIPS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) The divers approach the Pakistani naval ships under cover of darkness. Middle: (Conflict) Vikram attempts to mislead them, but Ria’s quick thinking keeps them on track. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The supply ships are sabotaged, but the mission’s success hangs by a thread.
46. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – NIGHT
Beginning: (Hope) Desai commends the crew for their success. Middle: (Intrigue) A small celebration ensues, but underlying tensions remain. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The relief is short-lived as new challenges loom on the horizon.
47. INT. MV PADMA/CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Vikram engages Desai with war stories, earning his trust. Middle: (Intrigue) Desai, relaxed and unguarded, shares his military codes. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Vikram leaves with the codes, his true intentions hidden.
48. INT. MV PADMA/VIKRAM’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Vikram prepares to send a secret communication. Middle: (Intrigue) He uses the military codes he obtained from Desai. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The communication is sent, but the consequences remain unknown.
49. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Desai receives news of the enemy’s failure to retaliate. Middle: (Conflict) He requests to return to base, but Varma denies it. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Desai reluctantly continues on course, tension building within the crew.
50. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – EVENING
Beginning: (Suspense) Ria spends the day tracking messages, her focus unwavering. Middle: (Intrigue) She discovers military codes that implicate Vikram. Ending: (Cliffhanger) A private message from her enemy operator complicates matters further.
51. INT. MV PADMA/RIA’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Ria decodes a message in her quarters. Middle: (Conflict) The message reveals Varma’s complicity in defaming her father. Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ria feels lost and betrayed, her faith in Varma shattered.
52. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – NIGHT
Beginning: (Intrigue) Vikram takes control of the deck, his intentions hidden. Middle: (Suspense) He turns on the ship’s beacons, signaling the Pakistani Frogmen. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The crew remains unaware of the imminent danger.
53. INT. MV PADMA/RIA’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Conflict) Ria angrily confronts Varma in her quarters. Middle: (Uncertainty) Varma deflects her questions, casting doubt on the source of her information. Ending: (Suspense) Ria leaves, more determined but with lingering doubts about her enemy operator’s role.
54. EXT. UNDERWATER – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) The frogmen approach the ship underwater, their movements stealthy and precise. Middle: (Intrigue) They plant mines, each action methodical and calculated. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The mines are set, and the frogmen swim away, leaving the ship in imminent danger.
55. EXT. MV PADMA/LOWER DECK – NIGHT
Beginning: (Conflict) Ria, overcome with despair, jumps into the water. Middle: (Uncertainty) She struggles with her fear, nearly giving in but ultimately deciding to fight. Ending: (Suspense) Ria surfaces, spotting the mines on the ship’s bottom, her resolve renewed.
56. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Security alarms blare as Vikram advises Desai to abandon ship. Middle: (Conflict) Vikram opens the guns cabinet, increasing the tension. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Vikram locks Desai in his quarters, the crew unaware of the betrayal.
57. INT. MV PADMA/CREW QUARTERS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ria gathers the crew, her determination clear. Middle: (Conflict) She delivers a rousing speech, urging them to fight and save the ship. Ending: (Hope) The crew, inspired by Ria, prepares to disobey orders and fight back.
58. EXT. MV PADMA/LOWER DECK – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Vikram helps the frogmen board the ship. Middle: (Conflict) He jumps in to disable the communication lines, furthering his sabotage. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The communication lines are cut, and the crew is left in a precarious position.

ACT 4:
59. INT. MV PADMA/LOWER DECK – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) The frogmen engage the crew in a fierce fight on the lower deck. Middle: (Conflict) The fight intensifies as the frogmen move stealthily towards the top deck without raising alarm. Ending: (Cliffhanger) The crew caught off guard struggles to fend off the frogmen, the outcome uncertain.
60. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – NIGHT
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ria frantically attempts to send an SOS signal. Middle: (Conflict) She realizes the communication lines are down, her desperation growing. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Ria looks for alternative methods to send a distress signal, the situation growing more dire.
61. EXT. UNDERWATER – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Ria dives underwater, confronting the Pakistani frogmen. Middle: (Conflict) She finds Vikram cutting off cables and engages him in a fierce struggle. Ending: (Intrigue) Using a whistle, Ria sends Morse code signals about the imminent danger, hoping the crew will understand and act in time.
62. INT. MV PADMA/CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Desai receives urgent but incomplete communications about their mission’s true nature. Middle: (Conflict) He bangs on his door, desperate to be let out and join the fight. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Finally freed, Desai rushes to join the crew, the urgency of the situation palpable.
63. INTERCUT – SHIP DECK / UNDERWATER
Beginning: (Suspense) The battle rages on both the ship deck and underwater. Middle: (Conflict) Desai fights alongside his crew while Ria overpowers Vikram. Ending: (Hope) Ria ingeniously reconnects the communication lines, providing a glimmer of hope amid the chaos.
64. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Ria intercepts a top-secret message underwater, her focus intense. Middle: (Conflict) She deciphers it, realizing its critical importance. Ending: (Hope) Ria relays the message to Desai, the mission’s stakes becoming clearer.
65. EXT. MV PADMA/LOWER DECK – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Ria struggles to drag herself and the bound Vikram out of the water. Middle: (Conflict) She disables the last of the mines using an EMP signal, her determination unwavering. Ending: (Hope) The ship is saved from sinking, Ria’s bravery and quick-thinking averting disaster.
66. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – NIGHT
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ria decodes the critical message, her concentration intense. Middle: (Conflict) She uses Desai’s military codes to ensure the message’s accuracy. Ending: (Hope) The message is successfully communicated to Varma, the mission’s success hinging on his response.
67. INT. MV PADMA/CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Conflict) Ria and Desai confront Vikram, demanding answers. Middle: (Intrigue) Vikram shares his motivations and ideology, the tension thick. Ending: (Cliffhanger) Ria reveals a radio leak implicating the true culprits behind Vikram’s sister’s assassination, leaving everyone stunned.
68. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – NIGHT
Beginning: (Hope) Desai publicly recognizes Ria’s efforts, boosting her morale. Middle: (Conflict) The crew’s support for Ria strengthens, fostering a sense of unity. Ending: (Cliffhanger) A gunshot rings out from the captain’s quarters, and Vikram is found dead, leaving the crew in shock. He leaves a note with the location of the enemy operator.
69. INT. RAW HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ria and her mother attend the secret service, the atmosphere solemn. Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Varma presides over the ceremony, honoring Ria’s father. Ending: (Hope) Ria feels a sense of closure and resolution, her father’s legacy restored. The enemy operator framed her father but now she’s been neutralized thanks to Vikram’s information.
70. EXT. PARADE GROUNDS – DAY
Beginning: (Hope) Ria stands with the rebel crew, the atmosphere respectful. Middle: (Intrigue) State honors are given to Lt. Rehman, recognizing his bravery. Ending: (Hope) The sense of unity and respect among the crew is palpable, reinforcing their bond.
71. EXT. CEMETARY – EVENING
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ria stands solemnly at her father’s grave, making a personal vow. Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Capt. Desai joins her, recognizing her determination. Ending: (Hope) Desai salutes her grit, vowing to support her on future missions, their partnership solidified.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Scene Requirements

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…to create my outline with basic scene requirements.”

THE SINKING LINE- OUTLINE VER 2 (WITH SCENE REQUIREMENTS)

ACT 1:

1. EXT. RIVER FRONT BUILDING – DAY
Ria and her colleagues make a getaway on the boat but armed men shoot to kill. Ria jumps in front to save a colleague and drops into the water and goes down drowning paralysed by fear while her boat takes off.
• Scene Arc: Begins with a tense escape, ends with Ria submerged and paralyzed by fear.
• Essence: Establish Ria's bravery and immediate threat from armed men.
• Conflict: Ria's internal struggle with fear of water and external danger from armed men.
• Subtext: Ria’s fear is rooted in past trauma, exacerbating the immediate danger.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will successfully escape; fear that she will drown.

2. INT. FISHING BOAT – DAY
Ria is revived by the fishermen and she wakes up with a bullet wound to search for her pendrive that’s dropped into the water – failing her mission.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria unconscious, ends with her realizing she failed the mission.
• Essence: Show Ria's resilience and the gravity of her mission.
• Conflict: Ria’s physical pain and the urgency of finding the pendrive.
• Subtext: The mission's importance and Ria’s dedication are highlighted.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria recovers and finds the pendrive; fear that the mission is compromised.

3. INT. RAW BACK OFFICE– DAY
Ria works in a dingy back office listening to taped conversations. She plays back a recording slowly to reveal an invasion plan by the PM of Pakistan.
• Scene Arc: Begins with routine work, ends with the revelation of a significant threat.
• Essence: Highlight Ria’s skills and the stakes of the mission.
• Conflict: Ria’s mundane job vs. the critical information she uncovers.
• Subtext: Ria's intelligence and dedication are crucial, despite her lowly position.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria’s discovery will lead to actionable intelligence; fear that it might be too late.

4. EXT. AWAMI LEAGUE RALLY (EAST PAKISTAN) – DAY
Awami leader on the podium demands their civil rights and calls for a National assembly session.
• Scene Arc: Begins with political tension, ends with a call for action.
• Essence: Establish the political backdrop and stakes.
• Conflict: The struggle for civil rights and the looming threat of conflict.
• Subtext: The unrest and urgency for political change.
• Hope/Fear: Hope for political resolution; fear of escalating conflict.

5. INTERCUT – RIA’S DESK / RALLY
We go back and forth to see what Ria is listening to on her taped recordings.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria’s routine, ends with her understanding the rally’s significance.
• Essence: Show the connection between Ria’s work and the political situation.
• Conflict: Ria’s job to uncover information vs. the unfolding political tension.
• Subtext: The vital role of intelligence in understanding political movements.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria’s insights will help; fear that she might miss critical details.

6. INT. RAW CAFETERIA – DAY
Ria’s colleagues speak in hushed tones as she walks in of a possible war with Pakistan but the role of the bureau is diminished due to her father’s dishonor in the 65 war. Ria joins her colleague whom she saved but is told to leave.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria entering the cafeteria, ends with her being rejected by a colleague.
• Essence: Highlight the social ostracism Ria faces and her father's legacy.
• Conflict: Ria’s desire to connect vs. the colleagues' disdain.
• Subtext: The lasting impact of her father’s dishonor and Ria’s isolation.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will find support; fear that she remains isolated and dishonored.

7. INT. RAW BACK OFFICE – EVENING
Ria calls her mother who tells her to come home when she’s interrupted by her boss’s call on another line.
• Scene Arc: Begins with a personal moment, ends with a professional interruption.
• Essence: Show Ria’s personal struggles and the demands of her job.
• Conflict: Ria’s personal desires vs. professional obligations.
• Subtext: Ria’s need for familial support and her dedication to her work.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria finds solace with her mother; fear that her job will always come first.

8. INT. RAW WAR ROOM – EVENING
Images of Pakistani army launching Operation searchlight.
• Scene Arc: Begins with a tense atmosphere, ends with the realization of a significant military operation.
• Essence: Highlight the severity of the situation and the urgency of the mission.
• Conflict: The impending threat of war and the need for immediate action.
• Subtext: The high stakes and the pressure on the intelligence community.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the intelligence will be acted upon; fear of an imminent disaster.

9. INT. PAKISTANI NAVAL SHIP (FRENCH COAST) – NIGHT
SUPERIMPOSE: A FEW DAYS AGO, OFF THE FRENCH COAST
Vikram decides to abandon ship with the rest of his crew when his emergency signal gets no response from the Admiralty but runs back in when the radio static comes on.
• Scene Arc: Begins with a decision to abandon ship, ends with a return to the ship.
• Essence: Show Vikram’s conflict and hint at his deeper motivations.
• Conflict: Vikram’s need for survival vs. his sense of duty.
• Subtext: Vikram’s internal struggle and foreshadowing his betrayal.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Vikram will find a way out; fear of the unknown consequences of his actions.
10. INT. BORDER CROSSING (ITALY) – NIGHT
Vikram makes a call home despite warning that it will be tapped by the Border security and jeopardizes the rebel crossing.
• Scene Arc: Begins with a risky decision, ends with potential jeopardy.
• Essence: Show Vikram’s recklessness and the stakes of his actions.
• Conflict: Vikram’s desire to communicate vs. the risk of being tapped.
• Subtext: The tension and the hidden agendas of Vikram.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the call will go unnoticed; fear that it will compromise the mission.
11. INT. RAW WAR ROOM – NIGHT
Varma shares his plans to support East Pakistani rebels but the Chief Secretary questions his methods especially Ria’s inclusion in the team.
• Scene Arc: Begins with a strategic discussion, ends with doubt and questioning.
• Essence: Show the internal conflicts within the intelligence community.
• Conflict: Varma’s unconventional methods vs. the Chief Secretary’s skepticism.
• Subtext: The political and bureaucratic tension within the intelligence agency.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Varma’s plans will succeed; fear that internal conflict will sabotage the mission.

12. INT. VARMA’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Ria questions Varma’s decision but he tells her he thinks she is the right man for the job.
• Scene Arc: Begins with doubt and questioning, ends with reassurance and determination.
• Essence: Show Ria’s need for validation and Varma’s faith in her.
• Conflict: Ria’s self-doubt vs. Varma’s confidence in her abilities.
• Subtext: The mentorship and the personal stakes for Ria.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will believe in herself; fear that she will continue to doubt her abilities.
13. INT. CAB – NIGHT
Ria’s colleague thinks she is getting a punishment posting to be sidelined as she heads to the airport for her rendezvous.
• Scene Arc: Begins with skepticism and doubt, ends with uncertainty about the future.
• Essence: Highlight the ambiguity and doubt surrounding Ria’s assignment.
• Conflict: Ria’s colleague’s skepticism vs. the mission’s true purpose.
• Subtext: The uncertainty and the potential for growth or failure.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the mission will be a turning point for Ria; fear that it is a punishment.

14. INT. RAW SAFEHOUSE – NIGHT
Varma meets secretly with the rebel crew and Cdr. Vikram.
• Scene Arc: Begins with secrecy and tension, ends with a plan taking shape.
• Essence: Establish the covert nature of the mission and introduce key players.
• Conflict: The need for secrecy vs. the risk of exposure.
• Subtext: The high stakes and the trust (or lack thereof) among the team.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the plan will proceed smoothly; fear that secrecy will be compromised.
15. INT. GAMBLING DEN (BOMBAY) – NIGHT
Meanwhile, Capt. Desai is a sore loser at a shady bar in South Bombay when he’s served with a divorce notice and gets out of control drinking into the wee hours.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Desai gambling, ends with him in a state of emotional turmoil.
• Essence: Show Desai's personal struggles and introduce his flawed character.
• Conflict: Desai's internal turmoil vs. his attempts to mask it with drinking.
• Subtext: Desai’s vulnerabilities and how they affect his leadership.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Desai will find a way to cope; fear that his personal issues will impact his professional life.
16. EXT. TEA STALL OUTSIDE FORT WILLIAM (CALCUTTA) – DAY
Ria meets Cdr. Vikram and gets coordinates for their rebel base. A police van picks up a tPakistani Traitor from the refugee colony and loads him into the van leaving a trail of destruction in the shelter.
• Scene Arc: Begins with a covert meeting between Ria and Vikram, ends with the dramatic arrest of a Pakistani traitor and the destruction left behind.
• Essence: Show the tense atmosphere of the mission and the real-world consequences of the conflict, highlighting the stakes involved.
• Conflict: The need for a discreet exchange of information vs. the chaos and danger of the police action.
• Subtext: The underlying tension of the political situation and the personal risk for those involved in the mission.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria and Vikram will exchange information without incident; fear that the police action will draw unwanted attention and escalate the situation.
17. INT. BARRACKS (BOMBAY) – DAY
Capt. Desai is asked to report to a shipyard for his next assignment and told that his vacation has been cancelled.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Desai in the barracks, ends with him receiving unwelcome news.
• Essence: Show Desai’s reluctance and the disruption of his plans.
• Conflict: Desai's desire for a break vs. the demands of duty.
• Subtext: The ongoing struggle between personal desires and professional obligations.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Desai will rise to the occasion; fear that he will resist and underperform.
18. INT. REFUGEE SHELTER (CALCUTTA) – DAY
Cdr. Vikram assembles his portable transmitter to send a cryptic message to his Pakistani Admiral.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Vikram in the shelter, ends with the transmission of a cryptic message.
• Essence: Show Vikram’s duplicity and the tension of covert operations.
• Conflict: The need for secrecy vs. the risk of interception.
• Subtext: Vikram’s hidden agenda and the danger of his actions.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the message reaches its destination; fear that it will be intercepted.
19. INT. SHIPYARD (BOMBAY) – DAY
Capt. Desai meets Varma at a decommissioned shipyard and is asked to make a ship seaworthy for his next mission.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Desai meeting Varma, ends with him accepting the task.
• Essence: Set up the mission’s logistical challenges and Desai’s role.
• Conflict: Desai’s reluctance vs. Varma’s insistence.
• Subtext: The tension between the characters and the mission’s importance.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Desai will accept and succeed; fear that he will refuse or fail.
20. INT. FORT WILLIAM (CALCUTTA) – EVENING
Ria reports to Varma about her meeting with Vikram and doubts if they are wrong about him.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria reporting, ends with her expressing doubts.
• Essence: Show the uncertainty and tension within the team.
• Conflict: Ria’s doubts vs. Varma’s confidence.
• Subtext: The trust issues and the stakes of the mission.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria’s doubts will be addressed; fear that they will lead to failure.
21. EXT. SPEED BOAT – DAY
Cdr. Vikram heads to the rebel base with his disguised portal transmitter.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Vikram on the boat, ends with him nearing the base.
• Essence: Show Vikram’s continued duplicity and the covert nature of his mission.
• Conflict: The need to remain undercover vs. the risk of exposure.
• Subtext: The ongoing tension and the stakes of Vikram’s actions.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Vikram remains undiscovered; fear that he will be exposed.
22. EXT. MV PADMA – DAY
Ria meets the rebel crew and gets a cold reception from Capt Desai.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria boarding the ship, ends with a cold reception.
• Essence: Highlight the tension and mistrust between Ria and the crew.
• Conflict: Ria’s need to integrate vs. the crew’s resistance.
• Subtext: The underlying issues of trust and prejudice.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will earn their respect; fear that she will be ostracized.
23. INT. MV PADMA – DAY
Cdr. Vikram pulls aside Lt. Rehman to discipline him.
• Scene Arc: Begins with the crew’s tension, ends with a private confrontation.
• Essence: Show the hierarchy and tension within the crew.
• Conflict: Vikram’s authority vs. Rehman’s actions.
• Subtext: The power dynamics and hidden agendas.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that discipline will restore order; fear that it will exacerbate tensions.
24. INT. MV PADMA/DECK – EVENING
They set sail and Capt. Desai assigns menial tasks to Ria and refuses her permission to carry a sidearm.
• Scene Arc: Begins with departure, ends with Ria being marginalized.
• Essence: Show the challenges Ria faces in gaining respect and trust.
• Conflict: Ria’s need to prove herself vs. Desai’s undermining actions.
• Subtext: The sexism and distrust Ria faces from her crew.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will overcome the obstacles; fear that she will be sidelined and ineffective.
25. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – NIGHT
Ria tunes into frequencies of merchant vessels and gets reprimanded by Desai.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria working, ends with her being reprimanded.
• Essence: Highlight the ongoing conflict between Ria and Desai.
• Conflict: Ria’s dedication to her job vs. Desai’s authoritative control.
• Subtext: The underlying power struggle and Ria’s determination.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria’s efforts will be recognized; fear that her authority will be further undermined.
26. INT. MV PADMA/CREW QUARTERS – NIGHT
Rehman shows kindness to Ria.
• Scene Arc: Begins with isolation, ends with a gesture of kindness.
• Essence: Show Ria finding an ally in Rehman.
• Conflict: The isolation Ria faces vs. the small acts of support from Rehman.
• Subtext: The beginning of a potential alliance and mutual respect.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will find support in Rehman; fear that this support will not be enough.
27. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – NIGHT
Cdr. Vikram sabotages the radio.
• Scene Arc: Begins with normal operations, ends with sabotage.
• Essence: Show Vikram’s duplicity and the stakes of his betrayal.
• Conflict: The crew’s need for reliable communication vs. Vikram’s sabotage.
• Subtext: The hidden dangers and the tension within the crew.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the sabotage will go unnoticed; fear that it will be discovered and compromise the mission.
28. INT. MV PADMA/CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Capt. Desai gets secret orders from Varma and he puts Ria back on her station.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Desai receiving orders, ends with Ria’s reinstatement.
• Essence: Highlight the shifting dynamics and the authority of Varma.
• Conflict: Desai’s reluctance vs. Varma’s orders.
• Subtext: The power dynamics and the importance of the mission.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria’s reinstatement will be effective; fear that it will lead to further conflict.
29. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – NIGHT
Ria notices a technical glitch but her protests fall on deaf ears.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria working, ends with her concerns being ignored.
• Essence: Show Ria’s frustration and the potential dangers of ignoring her.
• Conflict: Ria’s technical skills vs. the crew’s dismissive attitude.
• Subtext: The tension and potential consequences of the glitch.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the glitch will be addressed; fear that it will lead to disaster.

30. INT. MV PADMA/DECK – MORNING
Capt. Desai receives a message relaying casualties on the ground due to a missed communication and blames Ria for negligence.
• Scene Arc: Begins with receiving bad news, ends with blaming Ria.
• Essence: Show the consequences of missed communications and the scapegoating of Ria.
• Conflict: The consequences of missed communication vs. finding the true cause.
• Subtext: The ongoing mistrust and blame shifting within the crew.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the true cause will be found; fear that Ria will be unjustly blamed.

ACT 2:

31. EXT. MV PADMA/TOP DECK – DAY
Based on Capt. Desai’s orders, Vikram calls for an emergency crew drill but Ria refuses to comply.
• Scene Arc: Begins with a routine drill, ends with Ria’s refusal.
• Essence: Show Ria’s defiance and the tension with Desai’s authority.
• Conflict: Desai’s authority vs. Ria’s defiance.
• Subtext: The power struggle and Ria’s fear of water.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria’s defiance will be justified; fear that it will lead to more conflict.
32. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – DAY
Ria intercepts her first crucial message.
• Scene Arc: Begins with routine monitoring, ends with a significant interception.
• Essence: Highlight Ria’s skills and the importance of her role.
• Conflict: The need to intercept crucial information vs. the challenges of doing so.
• Subtext: The high stakes of Ria’s work and her growing confidence.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the message will be useful; fear that it will be too late.
33. EXT. MV PADMA/BELOW DECK – DAY
Lt. Rehman helps Ria overcome her fear and succeed in the diving drill but gets reprimanded for his dangerous stunt of opening the ballast doors.
• Scene Arc: Begins with a challenging drill, ends with Rehman’s reprimand.
• Essence: Show the camaraderie and risks within the crew.
• Conflict: The need for effective training vs. the dangers of the stunt.
• Subtext: The bond between Rehman and Ria and the high stakes of their mission.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the training will be effective; fear that the risks will lead to failure.
34. EXT. MV PADMA/TOP DECK – DAY
Vikram gives Rehman an impossible task that nearly takes his life until Ria intervenes.
• Scene Arc: Begins with an impossible task, ends with Ria’s intervention.
• Essence: Highlight the dangers and the trust between Ria and Rehman.
• Conflict: The need to complete the task vs. the risk to Rehman’s life.
• Subtext: The stakes and the growing bond between the crew members.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the task will be completed safely; fear that it will lead to disaster.
35. INT. MV PADMA/VIKRAM’S OFFICE – DAY
Vikram makes a peace offering and invites her to a dinner date which she reluctantly accepts.
• Scene Arc: Begins with tension, ends with Ria reluctantly accepting the invitation.
• Essence: Show the complexity of relationships within the crew and Vikram's manipulative nature.
• Conflict: Ria’s mistrust vs. Vikram’s attempt to appear conciliatory.
• Subtext: Vikram’s ulterior motives and Ria’s cautious approach.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that this will ease tensions; fear that Vikram has hidden agendas.
36. INT. MV PADMA/RIA’S QUARTERS – EVENING
Rehman sneaks in to thank her and shares about his family pressure.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Rehman sneaking in, ends with a heartfelt conversation.
• Essence: Develop the bond between Ria and Rehman and reveal personal stakes.
• Conflict: Rehman’s need to express gratitude vs. the risk of being caught.
• Subtext: The shared vulnerabilities and growing trust between Ria and Rehman.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that their bond strengthens; fear that their closeness might be discovered and used against them.
37. INT. MV PADMA/TOP DECK – EVENING
Cdr. Vikram is on a date with Ria as the sunsets in the background while he gets Rehman waits on them.
• Scene Arc: Begins with a seemingly romantic setting, ends with underlying tension and manipulation.
• Essence: Show the complexity of Vikram’s character and his manipulative nature, while Ria remains cautious.
• Conflict: The need to maintain a facade of normalcy and romance vs. the underlying agendas and distrust.
• Subtext: The tension between genuine interaction and hidden motives, highlighting the espionage and personal stakes.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will gain useful information or insight; fear that Vikram’s manipulation will put her at a disadvantage.
38. INT. MV PADMA/VIKRAM’S QUARTERS – EVENING
Ria sneaks in to plant a bug when Rehman accidentally spills wine on her dress.
• Scene Arc: Begins with an accidental mishap, ends with a covert mission.
• Essence: Show the risks and challenges of espionage.
• Conflict: Ria’s need to plant the bug vs. the risk of being caught.
• Subtext: The danger and tension of espionage.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will succeed; fear that the accident will expose her.
39. INT. MV PADMA/RIA’S QUARTERS – EVENING
Cdr. Vikram barges in to see what’s taking so long and looks through her radio logs before Ria comes in and he tries to seduce her.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria in her quarters, ends with a tense confrontation.
• Essence: Show Vikram’s manipulative nature and Ria’s quick thinking.
• Conflict: Vikram’s advances vs. Ria’s resistance.
• Subtext: The power struggle and Ria’s need to stay vigilant.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will maintain her cover; fear that Vikram will discover her true intentions.
40. INT. MV PADMA/RIA’S QUARTERS – EVENING
Ria listens in to a coded message received by Vikram.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria tuning in, ends with her deciphering the message.
• Essence: Show Ria’s skills and the importance of the intercepted message.
• Conflict: The need to decode the message vs. the risk of being discovered.
• Subtext: The tension and high stakes of the mission.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the message will provide valuable intelligence; fear that it will lead to more danger.
41. EXT. MV PADMA/LOWER DECK – DAY
A dive led by Vikram results in Rehman’s death. He sacrifices himself to save Ria’s life. Vikram kills Rehman who witnesses his sabotage, makes it look like an accident and blames it on Ria.
• Scene Arc: Begins with a routine dive, ends with Rehman’s death and Vikram’s manipulation.
• Essence: Highlight the danger of the mission, the stakes involved, and Vikram's ruthless nature.
• Conflict: The need to successfully complete the dive vs. the lethal sabotage and the subsequent blame game.
• Subtext: The underlying tension and danger, the trust issues within the crew, and the personal vendettas at play.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the dive will go smoothly and Ria will be safe; fear that Vikram’s actions will not only lead to Rehman’s death but also jeopardize Ria’s standing with the crew and the success of the mission.
42. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – EVENING
Vikram mourns the loss and Desai criticizes Ria for incompetence.
• Scene Arc: Begins with mourning, ends with criticism.
• Essence: Show the emotional impact of Rehman’s death and the ongoing conflict within the crew.
• Conflict: The need to grieve vs. the harsh realities of the mission.
• Subtext: The blame game and the strain on team morale.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the crew will come together; fear that the blame will tear them apart.

ACT 3:

43. INT. MV PADMA/VIKRAM’S QUARTERS – EVENING
Ria sneaks into his quarters to find maps and plans confirming his betrayal.
• Scene Arc: Begins with covert investigation, ends with a shocking discovery.
• Essence: Reveal Vikram’s true intentions and Ria’s growing suspicions.
• Conflict: The need to gather evidence vs. the risk of being caught.
• Subtext: The tension and stakes of espionage.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will find conclusive evidence; fear that she will be discovered.

44. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – NIGHT
Ria plants false intelligence without authorization.
• Scene Arc: Begins with a risky decision, ends with the false intelligence being sent.
• Essence: Show Ria’s boldness and the risks she’s willing to take.
• Conflict: The need to deceive the enemy vs. the risk of acting without authorization.
• Subtext: The high stakes and Ria’s determination.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the false intelligence will work; fear that it will backfire.
45. INT. MV PADMA/CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS – DAY
Desai finds out about civilian causalities on both sides of the border due to an intelligence leak. Ria knows she acted rashly and blames herself for the loss.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Desai receiving the grim news, ends with Ria's self-reproach and guilt.
• Essence: Highlight the heavy consequences of intelligence work and the emotional toll on those involved.
• Conflict: The need to manage the fallout of the intelligence leak vs. Ria’s internal struggle with guilt and responsibility.
• Subtext: The weight of leadership and decisions, the personal cost of wartime actions, and the burden of mistakes.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the crew can mitigate further damage; fear that Ria’s guilt will affect her performance and the mission’s success.
46. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – DAY
Ria while decoding a merchant ship communication identifies a unique signature in one of the messages to confirm the identity of the enemy operator who was once her colleague and is very competitive.
• Scene Arc: Begins with routine decoding work, ends with a significant and personal discovery.
• Essence: Highlight the personal stakes and connections in the espionage work, showcasing Ria's skills and her past.
• Conflict: The need to decode and understand the message vs. the emotional impact of recognizing a familiar and competitive rival.
• Subtext: The tension of facing an old colleague turned enemy, the personal stakes involved in the mission, and the competitive history between them.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria can leverage this personal connection to her advantage; fear that the enemy operator’s familiarity with her methods will be a significant disadvantage.
47. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – DAY
Desai reluctantly acts on the information to send the divers on their first sabotage mission.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Desai receiving the information, ends with the divers being deployed.
• Essence: Show the gravity of the mission and Desai’s conflicted decision.
• Conflict: Desai’s reluctance vs. the necessity of the mission.
• Subtext: The tension and stakes of the sabotage mission.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the mission will succeed; fear of the potential dangers and losses.
48. EXT. PAKISTANI NAVAL SHIPS – NIGHT
Rebel Divers sabotage the supply ships despite Vikram trying to mislead their target locations thanks to quick thinking by Ria.
• Scene Arc: Begins with the divers approaching their targets, ends with the successful sabotage.
• Essence: Show the tension and danger of the mission and Ria’s quick thinking.
• Conflict: The need to successfully sabotage the ships vs. Vikram’s attempts to mislead them.
• Subtext: The stakes of the mission and the growing trust in Ria’s leadership.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the sabotage will be successful; fear that Vikram’s actions will cause failure.
49. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – NIGHT
Capt. Desai commends the crew and throws a small celebration since this was the stated mission and there is relief that they can now go home.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Desai’s commendation, ends with a celebratory mood among the crew.
• Essence: Show the relief and camaraderie of the crew after a successful mission, highlighting their bond and the temporary respite from tension.
• Conflict: The need to celebrate and relax vs. the underlying tension and unresolved issues that still linger.
• Subtext: The fleeting nature of their relief, the camaraderie built through shared hardship, and the anticipation of returning home.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the celebration will bolster morale and strengthen team bonds; fear that it might be a brief respite before new challenges arise.
50. INT. MV PADMA/ CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Cdr. Vikram shares war stories and gains access to Desai’s military codes.
• Scene Arc: Begins with a casual conversation, ends with Vikram obtaining military codes.
• Essence: Show Vikram’s manipulative skills and the ease with which he gains trust.
• Conflict: The need to maintain security vs. Vikram’s cunning manipulation.
• Subtext: The danger of misplaced trust and Vikram’s hidden agendas.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the codes will not be misused; fear that Vikram will use them for sabotage.
51. INT. MV PADMA/VIKRAM’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Vikram secretly communicates using military codes.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Vikram in his quarters, ends with the secret communication being sent.
• Essence: Show the ongoing deception and the stakes of Vikram’s actions.
• Conflict: The need to maintain secrecy vs. the risk of being discovered.
• Subtext: The high stakes and the tension of espionage.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the communication will go unnoticed; fear that it will be discovered and lead to consequences.
52. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – DAY
Desai is told that the enemy failed to retaliate by getting misinformation but his request to return to base is not heeded by Varma and they continue on course.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Desai receiving positive news about the misinformation, ends with frustration over Varma’s decision to continue the mission.
• Essence: Highlight the ongoing tension between the mission’s demands and the crew’s desire for safety and relief, showing Desai’s leadership challenges.
• Conflict: Desai’s desire to return to base and ensure the crew's safety vs. Varma’s insistence on continuing the mission.
• Subtext: The tension between strategic military objectives and the crew’s well-being, and Desai’s internal struggle with following orders that he disagrees with.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the mission will eventually end successfully and safely; fear that continuing the course will lead to more danger and potential losses.

53. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – EVENING
Ria tracks the messages all day and finds military codes that point to irrefutable proof against Vikram/Desai. She investigates a private message from her enemy operator.
• Scene Arc: Begins with routine monitoring, ends with a crucial discovery.
• Essence: Show Ria’s diligence and the importance of her work.
• Conflict: The need to uncover the truth vs. the risk of being caught.
• Subtext: The stakes of her discovery and the growing tension within the crew.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the proof will lead to justice; fear that it will lead to more conflict.

54. INT. MV PADMA/ RIA’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Ria decodes a message that reveals Varma’s complicity in defaming her father. She feels lost and betrayed.
• Scene Arc: Begins with decoding the message, ends with a realization of betrayal.
• Essence: Show the personal stakes for Ria and the depth of the conspiracy.
• Conflict: The need to uncover the truth vs. the emotional impact of betrayal.
• Subtext: The deep-seated issues and personal stakes for Ria.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will find a way to deal with the betrayal; fear that it will overwhelm her.

55. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – NIGHT
Cdr. Vikram takes over the deck and turns on the ship’s beacons to signal Pakistani Frogmen of their location.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Vikram on the deck, ends with the beacons signaling the enemy.
• Essence: Show Vikram’s betrayal and the imminent danger.
• Conflict: The need to maintain the mission vs. the imminent threat from the enemy.
• Subtext: The high stakes and the urgency of the situation.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the crew will respond in time; fear that the enemy will succeed.

56. INT. MV PADMA/ RIA’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Ria confronts Varma but he has no answers for her. Instead, he questions the source and the timing of her discovery, suspecting the information might have come from her enemy radio operator.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria confronting Varma, ends with Varma deflecting and casting doubt on the source of the information.
• Essence: Highlight the tension and mistrust between Ria and Varma, and the complexity of the intelligence work, especially when the information source is suspect.
• Conflict: Ria’s need for answers and accountability vs. Varma’s evasiveness and suspicion about the enemy operator being the source.
• Subtext: The underlying power dynamics, the uncertainty of intelligence, and the personal stakes for Ria in dealing with her former colleague turned enemy.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will find the truth and gain clarity; fear that Varma’s doubts about the source will deepen the mystery and mistrust, complicating her mission further.

57. EXT. UNDERWATER – NIGHT
Pakistani frogmen swim towards the ship to plant mines.
• Scene Arc: Begins with the frogmen approaching, ends with the mines being planted.
• Essence: Show the imminent danger and the stealth of the enemy.
• Conflict: The need to protect the ship vs. the stealthy approach of the enemy.
• Subtext: The high stakes and the danger lurking underwater.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the crew will detect the threat; fear that the mines will succeed.

58. EXT. MV PADMA/LOWER DECK – NIGHT
Disillusioned Ria jumps into the water to end her life but gets cold feet and decides to fight her fear and comes back up and notices mines on the ship’s bottom.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria jumping into the water in despair, ends with her returning to the surface and discovering the mines.
• Essence: Highlight Ria's emotional turmoil and her resilience in the face of despair, as well as the immediate danger to the ship.
• Conflict: Ria’s internal struggle with her despair and fear vs. her will to live and fight.
• Subtext: The depth of Ria's disillusionment, her struggle with fear, and her determination to protect the crew and complete the mission.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will overcome her despair and find the strength to continue; fear that her emotional state will compromise her ability to act effectively in the crisis.

59. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – NIGHT
Vikram advises Desai to abandon ship as the security alarms blare on board. He opens the guns cabinet and locks the captain in his quarters.
• Scene Arc: Begins with the alarms blaring, ends with Desai being locked in.
• Essence: Show the escalating danger and Vikram’s betrayal.
• Conflict: The need to protect the crew vs. Vikram’s sabotage.
• Subtext: The high stakes and the betrayal.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the crew will respond effectively; fear that Vikram’s actions will lead to disaster.

60. INT. MV PADMA/CREW QUARTERS – NIGHT
Ria gives a rousing speech to the crew to fight and save the sinking ship and disobey the orders.
• Scene Arc: Begins with chaos, ends with the crew rallying.
• Essence: Show Ria’s leadership and the crew’s determination.
• Conflict: The need to save the ship vs. the chaos and danger.
• Subtext: The stakes and Ria’s growing leadership.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the crew will succeed; fear that the ship will sink.

61. EXT. MV PADMA/LOWER DECK – NIGHT
Cdr. Vikram helps the frogmen onboard while he jumps in to disable the communication lines.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Vikram helping the frogmen, ends with him disabling the communication lines.
• Essence: Show the escalating betrayal and danger.
• Conflict: The need to maintain communication vs. Vikram’s sabotage.
• Subtext: The high stakes and the urgency of the situation.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the crew will stop Vikram; fear that the communication will be completely disabled.

ACT 4:

62. INT. MV PADMA/LOWER DECK – NIGHT
Pakistani frogmen fight the crew on board as they move stealthily to the top deck without raising alarms.
• Scene Arc: Begins with the frogmen engaging the crew on the lower deck, ends with the frogmen advancing stealthily to the top deck.
• Essence: Show the intense and stealthy nature of the frogmen’s attack, highlighting the crew’s struggle to fend off the intruders without raising alarms.
• Conflict: The need to stop the frogmen and protect the ship vs. the frogmen’s skill and stealth in moving towards the top deck.
• Subtext: The high stakes and urgency of the situation, the crew’s bravery and resourcefulness in the face of a stealthy and skilled enemy.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the crew will manage to stop the frogmen; fear that the frogmen will reach the top deck and cause further damage or take control.

63. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – NIGHT
Ria tries to send SOS signals but their communication lines are not working.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria attempting communication, ends with her realizing the lines are cut.
• Essence: Highlight the desperate situation and Ria’s quick thinking.
• Conflict: The need to send an SOS vs. the disabled communication lines.
• Subtext: The critical nature of communication and the isolation they face.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will find a way to restore communication; fear that they are completely cut off.

64. EXT. UNDERWATER – NIGHT
Ria fights the Pakistani frogmen and finds Vikram cutting off the cables and takes him on while using a whistle to send Morse code signals about the imminent danger to the crew.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria encountering the frogmen underwater, ends with her sending a Morse code signal while engaging Vikram.
• Essence: Highlight Ria's bravery and quick thinking in a dire situation, emphasizing her dual role in physical combat and communication.
• Conflict: The need to stop Vikram and the frogmen vs. the physical and technical challenges of the underwater environment.
• Subtext: The personal stakes for Ria, the urgency of the situation, and the ingenuity required to send a warning signal.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will be able to stop Vikram and alert the crew in time; fear that she will be overwhelmed and the crew will remain unaware of the imminent danger.

65. INT. MV PADMA/CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Desai receives urgent communications about the true nature of their mission but its incomplete and he starts bangs his doors until he’s finally let out and joins the crew to fight the Pakistani frogmen.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Desai receiving the incomplete communication, ends with him joining the crew in the fight.
• Essence: Show Desai's frustration and urgency, emphasizing his leadership and determination to protect his crew.
• Conflict: The need to understand the incomplete communication and act on it vs. the physical barrier of being locked in.
• Subtext: The critical importance of communication in wartime, Desai’s role as a leader, and the desperate situation of the crew.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Desai’s involvement will turn the tide of the battle; fear that the incomplete communication will lead to confusion and potential disaster.

66. INTERCUT – SHIP DECK / UNDERWATER
The battle on board intensities as Desai joins his crew to fight the enemy while Ria overpowers Vikram and using her ingenuity reconnects the communication lines.
• Scene Arc: Begins with chaos, ends with Ria’s victory and restored communication.
• Essence: Show the climax of the conflict and the critical actions of Ria and Desai.
• Conflict: The need to defend the ship and restore communication vs. the overwhelming enemy and sabotage.
• Subtext: The unity and determination of the crew.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the crew will succeed; fear of heavy losses.

67. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – NIGHT
Ria’s intercepts the top-secret message underwater and relays it up to Captain Desai in the radio station.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria intercepting the message underwater, ends with the message being relayed to Captain Desai at the radio station.
• Essence: Highlight Ria's resourcefulness and the critical nature of the intercepted message, emphasizing the importance of communication in their mission.
• Conflict: The need to decode and relay the message accurately and swiftly vs. the physical and technical challenges of doing so from underwater.
• Subtext: The high stakes of the mission, the reliance on Ria’s skills, and the urgency of getting the message to Desai in time.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the top-secret message will provide vital information and aid their mission; fear that delays or errors in communication will jeopardize their efforts.

68. EXT. MV PADMA/LOWER DECK – NIGHT
Ria drags herself out and pulls Vikram who is bound out of the water. The ship is saved from sinking as she disables the last of the mines using an EMP signal.
• Scene Arc: Begins with Ria emerging from the water, ends with the ship saved.
• Essence: Show Ria’s heroism and quick thinking.
• Conflict: The need to save the ship vs. the physical and technical challenges.
• Subtext: Ria’s determination and ingenuity.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the ship will be safe; fear that there might be more threats.

69. INT. MV PADMA/RADIO STATION – NIGHT
Ria decodes the message and using Desai’s military codes communicates it to Varma.
• Scene Arc: Begins with decoding, ends with successful communication.
• Essence: Highlight Ria’s skills and the importance of her actions.
• Conflict: The need to decode and communicate the message vs. the ongoing danger.
• Subtext: The critical nature of intelligence work.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the message will be acted upon; fear that it will be intercepted.

70. INT. MV PADMA/CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Ria and Desai interrogate Vikram who shares his motivations and ideology. Ria reveals a radio leak that pinpoints the real culprits behind Vikram’s sister’s assassination.
• Scene Arc: Begins with interrogation, ends with a revelation.
• Essence: Show the complexity of Vikram’s character and the depth of the conspiracy.
• Conflict: The need to get information vs. Vikram’s resistance.
• Subtext: The personal stakes and ideological conflicts.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the interrogation will yield valuable information; fear that Vikram will not cooperate.

71. INT. MV PADMA/CREW DECK – NIGHT
Desai recognises Ria’s efforts and commends the crew for supporting her. A gunshot goes off in the captain’s quarters as Vikram takes his life.
• Scene Arc: Begins with recognition, ends with Vikram’s suicide.
• Essence: Show the resolution of the immediate conflict and the cost of their actions.
• Conflict: The need to move forward vs. the emotional toll of the events.
• Subtext: The consequences of war and betrayal.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the crew will find closure; fear that the loss will haunt them.

72. INT. RAW HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Ria and her mother attend a secret service presided by Varma to honor her father.
• Scene Arc: Begins with the service, ends with a sense of resolution.
• Essence: Show the personal stakes for Ria and the resolution of her father’s legacy.
• Conflict: The need for closure vs. the emotional impact of the past.
• Subtext: The importance of family and honor.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will find peace; fear that the past will continue to haunt her.

73. EXT. PARADE GROUNDS – DAY
Ria joins the rebel crew and Capt. Desai while state honors in progress for Lt. Rehman for his sacrifice and bravery.
• Scene Arc: Begins with the parade, ends with a sense of unity and respect.
• Essence: Show the recognition of bravery and the unity of the crew.
• Conflict: The need to honor the fallen vs. the ongoing challenges.
• Subtext: The importance of sacrifice and bravery.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that the recognition will strengthen their resolve; fear that future challenges will test them.

74. EXT. CEMETARY – EVENING
Ria vows to uphold her father’s honor in front of his grave when Capt. Desai joins her and salutes her grit vowing to follow her on her next mission.

• Scene Arc: Begins with a personal moment, ends with a vow for the future.
• Essence: Show the resolution of Ria’s personal journey and the beginning of a new chapter.
• Conflict: The need to honor the past vs. the challenges of the future.
• Subtext: The importance of legacy and resolve.
• Hope/Fear: Hope that Ria will find peace and purpose; fear that future missions will bring new challenges.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Intriguing Moments

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to create intriguing moments in each act.”

INTRIGUE MOMENTS

ACT 1:

IM: Secret: Ria has a fear of water and closed spaces and is now sent on a mission to go on a ship.
IM: Covert Agenda: Ria’s secret mission to uncover a traitor within the rebel crew

IM: Conspiracy: Vikram is tasked with infiltrating the rebel forces and reporting to the Pakistani Admiral

IM: Superior Position: Desai is in the middle of a messy divorce and takes out his angst on the only woman on his ship – Ria.

IM: Cover up: Vikram sabotages the radio and Ria misses a crucial communication that leads to the death of rebel forces on the ground.

ACT 2:

IM: Superior Position: Ria reveals her fears to Rehman who help her overcome her trauma and complete her diving drill.

IM: Superior Position: Ria and Vikram spy on each other
IM: Mystery: Ria intercepts a message for Vikram but is unable to decode it.

IM: Superior Position: Vikram kills Rehman, makes it look like an accident and blames it on Ria.

ACT 3:

IM: Hidden Identity: Ria identifies a unique signature in the messages from the enemy radio operator.

IM: Covert agenda: Ria plants false intelligence to flush out the traitor

IM: Intrigue: Vikram gains access to Desai’s military codes bonding over war stories

IM: Coverup: Vikram tries to mislead the rebel crew as they try to sabotage the Pakistani supply ships

IM: Scheme: Ria receives a leaked audio that reveals Varma’s secret about her father

IM: Conspiracy: Vikram turns on the ship’s beacons to signal the Pakistani frogmen and help sink their ship

ACT 4:

IM: Superior Position: Pakistani frogmen sabotage the ship and set mines to sink it.

IM: Scheme; Vikram cuts off the underwater cables to stop Priya from decoding the messages

IM: Superior Position: Ria fights the frogmen trying to stop them from blowing up the ship and finds a way to signal her rebel crew.

IM: Mystery: Ria intercepts and relays the top-secret message that gives Varma the D-Day for the war.

IM: Coverup: Ria reveals the true assassins of Vikram’s sister

IM: Intrigue: Desai leaves his sidearm with Vikram and locks the door.

IM: Secret: Varma sets the record straight in a secret ceremony to honor Ria’s father

AI VERSION:

Act 1: Old Ways – Skepticism and Independence
Intriguing Moment 1: Initial Briefing
• Details: Ria is briefed on her mission in a dimly lit, secret meeting room. The tension is palpable as her superiors discuss the risks and stakes involved. She notices subtle glances exchanged between her superiors, hinting at something they're not telling her.
• How It Plays Out: The audience sees Ria's determination but also her skepticism. She catches snippets of a whispered conversation between Secretary Varma and another official, suggesting there’s more to this mission than she's being told.
Intriguing Moment 2: Departure and Setup
• Details: As Ria boards the ship, she notices Captain Anirudh and Commander Vikram exchanging a knowing look. The crew's cold reception adds to the atmosphere of distrust.
• How It Plays Out: Ria overhears a conversation between two crew members doubting her abilities and discussing the "real reason" she's on board, adding layers of conspiracy and hidden agendas.
Intriguing Moment 3: The Missed Communication
• Details: During a critical moment, Ria misses an important message, leading to the loss of lives. The blame game starts, and Captain Anirudh's doubts about her grow stronger.
• How It Plays Out: Ria's inner turmoil is depicted as she replays the event in her mind, trying to figure out what went wrong. A fleeting image of Vikram with a satisfied smirk suggests he might have orchestrated the situation.
Intriguing Moment 4: Ria's Redemption
• Details: Ria intercepts a vital message that gives the crew a small victory. However, the success is overshadowed by tensions and suspicions, especially from Commander Vikram.
• How It Plays Out: The intercepted message contains a cryptic code, leading Ria to suspect there’s a deeper layer of communication happening. She notices Vikram’s subtle reaction, which suggests he understands the code better than he should.
Act 2: New Plan – Trial and Error
Intriguing Moment 1: Tensions Rise
• Details: An emergency diving drill ordered by Captain Anirudh pushes Ria to face her fears. Rehman assists her, but the exercise strains her relationship with Vikram and the crew.
• How It Plays Out: Ria's struggle underwater is intense. As she overcomes her fear, she finds a hidden compartment in the ship with suspicious documents. Rehman’s encouragement hints at a deeper bond forming.
Intriguing Moment 2: Rehman's Death
• Details: A dive mission led by Vikram goes wrong, resulting in Rehman's death. Ria is accused of negligence, deepening the crew’s distrust.
• How It Plays Out: During the mission, Ria discovers clues that Rehman might have been onto something significant. The accusations against her feel orchestrated, and a hidden note from Rehman points her towards Vikram.
Intriguing Moment 3: Intercepted Message
• Details: Ria intercepts a message meant for Vikram, revealing his covert agenda. The message suggests he’s a plant, meant to disrupt the mission.
• How It Plays Out: The message is encrypted with a code Ria recognizes from her father’s notes. As she deciphers it, she realizes Vikram’s true purpose. The tension escalates as she decides whether to confront him or gather more evidence.
Intriguing Moment 4: Ria’s Revelation
• Details: Ria pieces together evidence suggesting Vikram’s betrayal and the falsehood surrounding her father's dishonor. This revelation is the turning point in her resolve.
• How It Plays Out: Ria secretly shares her findings with Rehman’s close confidants. The small group decides to act discreetly to gather more proof, adding to the covert nature of their mission.
Act 3: Rethink Everything – Unraveling Truths
Intriguing Moment 1: Internal Fracture
• Details: The crew’s dynamic fractures as doubts about Ria’s innocence grow. Ria’s attempts to feed false intelligence to test her suspicions result in unexpected civilian casualties.
• How It Plays Out: The false intelligence leads to a heated confrontation with Captain Anirudh. Amidst the chaos, Ria discovers a hidden compartment in Vikram’s quarters, containing maps and plans that confirm his betrayal.
Intriguing Moment 2: Evidence of Betrayal
• Details: Ria finds concrete evidence of Vikram’s betrayal and the role of Secretary Varma in fabricating her father's dishonor.
• How It Plays Out: Ria's investigation leads her to a secret logbook detailing Vikram’s communications with Pakistani forces. The betrayal hits close to home as she finds Varma’s name tied to her father’s past.
Intriguing Moment 3: Ship Sabotage
• Details: The ship is sabotaged, and the crew must work together to prevent sinking. Ria’s expertise is crucial in decoding the message before it's too late.
• How It Plays Out: The sabotage is intense, with water flooding in. Ria, fighting her claustrophobia, decodes the message just in time, revealing a plot to sink the ship and leave no survivors.
Intriguing Moment 4: Confrontation
• Details: Ria confronts Vikram with the evidence of his betrayal. The confrontation is intense, with Vikram trying to manipulate the situation to his advantage.
• How It Plays Out: The confrontation happens in a confined space, heightening the tension. Vikram’s attempts to justify his actions are met with Ria’s resolve to expose him, leading to a physical altercation.
Act 4: New Ways – Triumph and Transformation
Intriguing Moment 1: Underwater Showdown
• Details: An underwater showdown between Ria and Vikram occurs as the ship teeters on the brink of sinking. Ria must fight him while reconnecting the cable to intercept the crucial message.
• How It Plays Out: The scene is high-octane, with Ria’s claustrophobia adding to the tension. As she reconnects the cable, Vikram’s attacks become more desperate. The struggle ends with Ria gaining the upper hand, thanks to her training and determination.
Intriguing Moment 2: Captain’s Battle
• Details: Captain Anirudh and his crew fight off Pakistani frogmen, attempting to save the ship from going under.
• How It Plays Out: The battle is fierce, with Anirudh showcasing his leadership and strategic skills. The crew’s coordinated efforts, fueled by a newfound respect for Ria, turn the tide in their favor.
Intriguing Moment 3: Final Interception
• Details: Ria successfully intercepts the crucial message, revealing US support for Pakistan, which legitimizes India's backing of East Pakistani rebels.
• How It Plays Out: The intercepted message is relayed in a tense radio room scene. The crew’s reaction is mixed, with some feeling vindicated and others mourning their losses. Ria’s quiet triumph is underscored by her grief for Rehman.
Intriguing Moment 4: Resolution and Redemption
• Details: Ria restores her father's legacy and gains Captain Anirudh’s respect. The crew’s camaraderie is solidified as they prepare for the next phase of their mission.
• How It Plays Out: The resolution is bittersweet, with Ria standing at her father’s memorial, finally at peace. Anirudh’s offer to make amends signifies the beginning of a new chapter for her. The final scene hints at the ongoing struggle, with Ria ready to face whatever comes next.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Emotional Moments

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to identify big emotional moments in each act to create more depth to my characters.”

THE SINKING LINE – DEPTH EMOTIONAL MOMENTS

ACT 1:

Sacrifice: Ria jumps in front of her colleague to save her from a bullet

Wound: Ria falls into the water which triggers her trauma from a diving accident

Distress: Ria is drowning and her colleagues take off in the boat and her fear of water paralyses her.

Failure: Ria is rescued by the fishermen, but she loses the pen drive that was the purpose of her mission

Wound: Her colleagues talk in hush voices about her father’s dishonor that put the RAW bureau at risk of leading missions in the upcoming war

Betrayal: Her colleague whom she took a bullet for is ungrateful to her for her life.

Love/Bonding: She calls her widowed mother who wants her to come home

Surprise: Ria is chosen for a top-secret mission

Distress: Her colleagues tell her it’s a punishment posting and an impossible mission

Distress: Captain Desai is a misogynist and doesn’t think Ria is fit for the high seas because she is a woman.

Bonding: Diver Rehman shows kindness towards Ria the only woman on the crew who knows what it feels like to be an outcast.

Distress: Ria misses a crucial communication that results in the loss of rebel lives

ACT 2:

Emotional Dilemma/Wound/Hidden Weakness: Ria is forced to complete a diving drill but she doesn’t want to admit any weakness especially her far of water due to childhood trauma from a diving accident

Bonding: Rehman helps Ria overcome her trauma and complete the drill

Moral Issue: Ria stands up for Rehman against Vikram who harshly punishes him for helping her out

Emotional Dilemma: Ria is asked out on dinner as a peace offering by Vikram and if she refuses he will probably take it out on Rehman

Distress: Vikram sneaks into her quarters while Rehman helps Ria plant a bug in Vikram’s

Success: Ria intercepts message for Vikram and has proof of betrayal

Distress/Sacrifice: Ria has PTSD in a diving suit and Rehman saves her at the cost of his own life.

ACT 3:

Moral Issue: Ria plants false intelligence without authorization that cost lives on both sides of the border.

Betrayal: Ria identifies a unique signature and recognises the enemy operator who was one of her colleagues in the past.

Excitement: Ria uses her old code breaker to send the rebel divers to successfully sabotage enemy supply ships

Wound/Betrayal: Ria finds out that Varma framed her father to save his job and the bureau.

Hidden Weakness: Ria want to take her life but her fear returns and she abandons her plan

Courage: Ria rouses the crew to disobey orders to abandon ship and to honor Rehman and save the mission and the ship from sinking

ACT 4:

Surprise: Ria fights the Pakistani frogmen who sabotage their ship

Courage: She fights and overpowers Vikram using her smarts.

Excitement: She reconnects the cables to intercept the top-secret meassage.

Success/Winning: Desai lets Ria communicate the top secret message to Varma and save countless lives

Moral Issue: Ria arrests Vikram and shares a hidden radio communication that confirm that the Pakistani military massacred his sister, not the rebels

Bonding/Love: Ria and her mother receive a secret ceremony to honor her father and attend the state honors for Rehman along with the reformed Captain Desai and the rebel crew.

AI VERSION:

Act 1: Old Ways – Skepticism and Independence
Emotional Moment 1: Triggering Wounds
• Scene: Ria is assigned the mission.
• Details: Ria is called into Secretary Varma's office where she is informed about the high-risk mission. Her colleagues make snide remarks about her father's legacy, triggering her emotional wound. She accepts the mission with a determined but visibly shaken demeanor.
• Impact: This moment establishes her internal conflict and sets the stage for her need for redemption.
Emotional Moment 2: Emotional Dilemma
• Scene: Preparing to leave.
• Details: Ria visits her mother before departing. Her mother expresses concern, reminding Ria of her father's disgrace. Ria faces an emotional dilemma between her duty and her family's apprehensions.
• Impact: It heightens the stakes for Ria personally and emotionally, showcasing her inner conflict and motivations.
Emotional Moment 3: Courage
• Scene: Joining the crew.
• Details: Ria boards the ship and meets Captain Anirudh and Commander Vikram. She faces a cold reception from the male-dominated crew. Despite their skepticism, she stands her ground with unwavering courage.
• Impact: This moment underscores Ria's bravery and sets up her struggle for acceptance and respect.
Emotional Moment 4: Distress
• Scene: First mission failure.
• Details: Ria misses a crucial communication leading to the loss of rebel lives. The crew, led by Captain Anirudh, questions her competence, and she is left in distress, doubting her abilities.
• Impact: This failure and the crew's reaction amplify her internal struggle and drive her determination to prove herself.
Act 2: New Plan – Trial and Error
Emotional Moment 1: Bonding
• Scene: Emergency diving drill.
• Details: Ria is forced to confront her fear of water during a diving drill. Rehman, noticing her struggle, offers support and encouragement, leading to a moment of bonding between them.
• Impact: This bond provides Ria with a much-needed ally and boosts her confidence, while also deepening Rehman's character.
Emotional Moment 2: Betrayal
• Scene: Rehman's death.
• Details: During a critical dive operation led by Vikram, Rehman dies. Ria is accused of negligence, and she feels a deep sense of betrayal by the crew and the mission.
• Impact: This moment pushes Ria to the brink, increasing the tension and stakes of her journey.
Emotional Moment 3: Sacrifice
• Scene: Taking responsibility.
• Details: Ria decides to stay on the mission despite the accusations. She sacrifices her safety and mental well-being to continue the mission and honor Rehman's memory.
• Impact: This shows Ria's resilience and commitment, making her a more compelling and relatable character.
Emotional Moment 4: Moral Issue
• Scene: Feeding false intelligence.
• Details: Desperate to uncover the traitor, Ria feeds false intelligence. This leads to civilian casualties, causing her to question her own morals and the cost of her mission.
• Impact: This moment deepens her internal conflict and sets the stage for the critical discoveries in Act 3.
Act 3: Rethink Everything – Unraveling Truths
Emotional Moment 1: Surprise
• Scene: Discovering Vikram's betrayal.
• Details: Ria intercepts a communication meant for Vikram, uncovering his true allegiance. She is shocked and feels a mix of anger and betrayal.
• Impact: This revelation propels the story forward, heightening the suspense and urgency.
Emotional Moment 2: Hidden Weakness
• Scene: Confronting Secretary Varma.
• Details: Ria confronts Secretary Varma about her father's legacy and the misinformation. Varma reveals the truth, exposing Ria's hidden weakness—her deep-seated need for validation and truth.
• Impact: This moment provides critical backstory and motivations, enriching Ria's character.
Emotional Moment 3: Courage
• Scene: Decoding under pressure.
• Details: The ship is sabotaged, and Ria must decode a critical message before they sink. Despite the pressure and her fears, she shows immense courage and determination.
• Impact: This moment showcases her growth and tenacity, making her victory feel earned and powerful.
Emotional Moment 4: Success/Winning
• Scene: Successful interception.
• Details: Ria successfully decodes the message and prevents a devastating attack. The crew, including Captain Anirudh, starts to see her in a new light.
• Impact: This triumph is bittersweet, as it comes with the cost of trust and lives lost, adding depth to the victory.
Act 4: New Ways – Triumph and Transformation
Emotional Moment 1: Excitement
• Scene: Underwater showdown.
• Details: Ria and Vikram face off underwater. The intense action and stakes create a moment of high excitement as Ria fights for her life and the mission's success.
• Impact: This climactic battle is thrilling and demonstrates Ria's complete transformation into a formidable operative.
Emotional Moment 2: Sacrifice
• Scene: Reconnecting the cable.
• Details: Despite the danger, Ria sacrifices her safety to reconnect the cable and intercept the crucial message. She does this while still mourning Rehman and dealing with her trauma.
• Impact: This moment underscores her bravery and dedication, highlighting her ultimate sacrifice for the greater good.
Emotional Moment 3: Bonding
• Scene: Post-mission camaraderie.
• Details: After the successful mission, Ria and Captain Anirudh share a moment of mutual respect and understanding. Anirudh offers to make amends, and they bond over their shared experiences and losses.
• Impact: This bonding moment provides a satisfying resolution to their previously contentious relationship.
Emotional Moment 4: Love and Success
• Scene: Final recognition.
• Details: Ria receives recognition for her efforts, restoring her father's legacy. Secretary Varma publicly acknowledges her contributions, and she feels a sense of success and love from her newfound family on the crew.
• Impact: This final emotional moment wraps up her journey, providing closure and a hopeful outlook for her future.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Reveals!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…to create setups and reveals throughout all the acts.”

THE SINKING LINE – SETUPS AND REVEALS

ACT 1:

REVEAL 1:

Suspense: a speed boat takes off with Ria and her colleagues while bad guys shoot at them
Reveal: Ria jumps to save her colleague and drops into the water as the boat takes off without her

REVEAL 2:

Suspense: Ria is drowning in the water

Reveal: She is scared of water after a diving accident

REVEAL 3:

Intrigue: Fishermen pull a body out of the water with bullet wounds. Is she dead?

Reveal: Ria’s hand moves. She’s alive!

REVEAL 4:

Mystery: Ria checks her pocket for her lipstick. It’s gone!

Reveal: the pen drive dropped in the river

REVEAL 5:

Intrigue: Ria works in a dingy back office listening to radio frequencies

Reveal: she slows down a recording to identify Pakistani president ordering an invasion

REVEAL 6:

Intrigue: Ria’s colleagues talk in hushed tones about the 65 war and an impending war.

Reveal: Ria’s father’s failure is infamous at RAW

REVEAL 7:

Mystery: Ria’s boss puts her on a secret mission

Reveal: Her real mission is to identify a traitor among the crew and intercept a top-secret message.

REVEAL 8:

Intrigue: Vikram reluctantly joins his rebel crew and abandons ship

Reveal: He is tasked by the Pakistani Admiral to infiltrate and report on the rebel forces

REVEAL 9:

Suspense: Vikram on the run secretly makes a call home to check on his family

Reveal: His sister is killed by rebel forces

REVEAL 10:

Mystery: Varma is questioned by the Chief Secretary about his big plans to support the rebel fighters in East Pakistan

Intrigue: Varma shares his unglamorous task of training rebel divers off the East coast

Reveal: Varma’s plan can turn the tides in the war and save countless lives

REVEAL 11:

Mystery: Ria shares excitedly about a new mission which is top secret

Intrigue: her colleagues tell her it’s a punishment-posting

Reveal: Ria’s secret mission is to plant false intelligence to expose a traitor in the crew

REVEAL 12:

Intrigue: Vikram takes credit for the bravery of his rebel crew for safe passage to India

Reveal: Vikram wants personal vendetta against the rebels

REVEAL 13:

Intrigue: Vikram meets Ria to give her the coordinates to the secret base of the rebel mission
Suspense: Vikram sends out a cryptic message on a secret radio he assembles in his shelter

Reveal: Vikram is a traitor.

REVEAL 14:

Intrigue: Desai is gambling in a shady bar when a new player shows up

Reveal: The new player serves Desai a divorce notice

REVEAL 15:

Intrigue: Desai wakes up to missed calls from his platoon commander and races down on his Lambretta scooter.

Reveal: Desai’s vacation is cancelled and he’s to report to a shipyard for his new posting.

REVEAL 16:

Intrigue: Desai meets Varma in front of a decommissioned ship and jokes about its seaworthiness.

Reveal: Desai needs to make it sea-worthy and captain it for a secret mission.

REVEAL 17:

Suspense: Ria is taken off her duty station when Capt. Desai receives a call from Varma

Reveal: Ria is back to her radio station.

REVEAL 18:

Mystery: Ria tunes into various frequencies on the radio

Intrigue: there is a technical glitch

Reveal: Ria misses a crucial communication that cost lives of rebels

REVEAL 19:

Suspense: Vikram pulls aside Rehman to discipline him but he lets him go with a warning
Reveal: Rehman saved his life on the run when a phone call he made was traced by European border police and Rehman made up a story about his ailing sister.

ACT 2:

REVEAL 20:

Intrigue: Ria refuses to take part in the mandatory diving drill

Reveal: Ria has a childhood trauma from a diving accident

REVEAL 21:

Suspense: Desai calls Varma to request Ria off the mission.

Reveal: Desai gets secret orders to keep her on and support her.

REVEAL 22:

Suspense: Ria stands up for Rehman against Cdr Vikram

Reveal: Rehman’s survivor’s guilt and family pressure of matching up to his war-hero brother

REVEAL 23:

Intrigue: Vikram invites Ria on a dinner date

Intrigue: Ria plants a bug in Vikram’s quarters with the help of Rehman

Suspense: Vikram sneaks up to her room to check her messages.

Reveal: Vikram seduces her with his charm and she plays along as both try to spy on one another.

REVEAL 24:

Intrigue: Vikram receives a coded message.

Reveal: Ria intercepts the message and finds proof of his betrayal.

REVEAL 25:

Intrigue: Ria has PTSD in the diving suit and Rehman saves her life

Suspense: Vikram cuts the cable lines to stop Ria’s communications and Rehman witnesses it.

Reveal: Vikram pushes Rehman instead of saving him and makes it look like an accident.

REVEAL 26:

Intrigue: Vikram mourns Rehman’s loss and makes a show of loyalty.

Reveal: Vikram blames Ria for negligence.

REVEAL 27:

Suspense: Desai criticizes Ria for Rehman’s death

Reveal: His own past failures resurface.

ACT 3:

REVEAL 28:

Intrigue: Desai receives updated orders for the secret mission

Reveal: Desai reluctantly supports Ria

REVEAL 29:

Intrigue: Ria plants false intelligence without authorization

Reveal: Ria’s intelligence causes civilian casualties on both sides of the border.

REVEAL 30:

Mystery: Ria identifies a unique signature in one of the messages

Reveal: Ria knows the enemy radio operator

REVEAL 31:

Intrigue: Cdr. Vikram and Capt. Desai trade war stories
Reveal: Vikram gains access to military codes to communicate with his Pakistani Admiral

REVEAL 32:

Intrigue: Ria uses her old code breaker to decipher the enemy operator

Reveal: Ria intercepts Vikram’s messages and sends the divers to sabotage Pakistani supply ships.

REVEAL 33:

Suspense: Vikram gives the wrong coordinates to mislead the rebel divers

Reveal: Ria catches the mistake and corrects the team and they succeed in disrupting the supply lines.

REVEAL 34:

Suspense: Vikram picks up Ria’s false intel and communicates them on military radios

Reveal: Ria now has irrefutable proof when the Pakistani military hit the wrong port due to false intel only she gave and Vikram is the only one who could confirm them

REVEAL 35:

Intrigue: Vikram gets a coded message from the Admiral

Reveal: Pakistani Frogmen will sink their ship

REVEAL 36:

Intrigue: Ria receives a leaked audio from the enemy operator

Reveal: Secy. Varma covered up her father’s role and used him as a scapegoat to save his job.

REVEAL 37:

Intrigue: Vikram turns on their ship’s beacons to signal Pakistani Frogmen

Reveal: Pakistani frogmen sabotage the ship and plant mines to sink it.

REVEAL 38:

Intrigue: Ria shares the leaked audio with Varma

Reveal: Varma framed her father to save his job and the bureau.

REVEAL 39:

Intrigue: Desai asks Ria where she got the leaked audio

Reveal: The enemy operator sent it to distract her from a top-secret communication

REVEAL 40:

Suspense: Ria jumps off into the sea to end it but her fear of water returns.

Reveal: Ria notices mines on the bottom of the ship

REVEAL 41:

Suspense: A mine explodes disabling the aft ballasts.

Reveal: Desai orders the crew to abandon ship on advice of Cdr.. Vikram

REVEAL 42:

Intrigue: Ria rouses the crew in a passionate speech

Reveal: Crew disobey the orders and lock Desai in his quarters to save the ship

REVEAL 43:

Suspense: Vikram unlocks the guns to fight the intruders

Reveal: Vikram helps the frogmen on board

ACT 4:

REVEAL 44:

Mystery: Ria notices the communication lines are down

Reveal: Vikram cut the cables to stop her from intercepting a top-secret message

REVEAL 45:

Intrigue: Ria jumps off to fight frogmen in the water

Reveal: Ria overpowers them and uses morse code on her whistle to relay instruction to the crew to fight them on board

REVEAL 45:

Suspense: Vikram is ready to blow up the ship’s main section

Reveal: Ria fights Vikram and overpowers him

REVEAL 46:

Intrigue: Ria reconnects the cables underwater

Reveal: She successfully intercepts the top-secret message

REVEAL 47:

Suspense: The ship is tilting dangerously and the mines are timed to go off in less than 2 minutes

Reveal: The divers and the crew work together to fight the frogmen and save the ship

REVEAL 48:

Intrigue: Desai bangs on his doors and is let out by his second

Reveal: He joins the crew to save the ship

REVEAL 49:

Suspense: Desai gives Ria access to his military radios

Reveal: Ria communicates the D-Day of the enemy attack and saves countless lives

REVEAL 50:

Intrigue: Vikram is captured and shares his beliefs with Ria and the Desai

Mystery: Ria shares hidden communication that reveals his sister was massacred by Pakistani Military, not the rebel forces

Suspense: Desai leaves his sidearm with Vikram

Reveal: Vikram was tricked by the Admiral and he ends his life

REVEAL 51:

Intrigue: Ria along with her widowed mother meet Varma at the RAW HQ and unveil his name plaque among the unsung heroes.

Reveal: Ria’s father is honoured for his contributions

REVEAL 52:

Intrigue: State honours are in progress and Ria joins the divers and Desai

Reveal: Lt. Rehman receives a bravery award as a freedom fighter and upholds his family honor

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Character Action Tracks!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to create character actions based on the character profiles and actor attractors.”

Character Action Tracks

Character Name: Ria Sarkar

ACT 1:
• Ria Action Track: Ria jumps in front of her colleague and takes a bullet before she falls off the boat; starts to drown from her fear of water.
• Ria Action Track: Ria slows down the recording to recognize the President’s voice in the background asking for an invasion plan.
• Ria Action Track: Ria silently joins her colleague whom she saved on the boat but is told to just leave. She should have saved the drive instead of her life. Ria trashes her lunch tray and walks away.
• Ria Action Track: Ria calls her mother to wish her on Mother’s Day and her mother tell her it would be nice to see her in person now that she’s all alone in the world after she believes the country took her husband from her and disgraced him and she fears they will do the same to her daughter. She wants her to quit her job and come home. She has nothing to prove to anyone. Ria rushes to meet her boss.
• Ria Action Track: Questions Secy. Verma if she shouldn’t be on administrative leave and take care of her lonely mother instead.
• Ria Action Track: Ria excited with her new mission shares with her colleagues in the basement. A male colleague puts doubts about the true nature of the mission.
• Ria Action Track: Ria reports to Varma on her rendezvous with Cdr. Vikram and thinks her mentor may be wrong about him. He seems charming and sincere.
• Ria Action Track: Ria defends her father when the captain mocks him and sends him into a rage.
• Ria Action Track: Ria swallows her pride to ask the captain permission to carry a sidearm on board for protection and is refused by Captain – she knows there is a traitor amongst them.
• Ria Action Track: Ria tunes into other frequencies and decodes communications between merchant vessels – gets reprimanded by Capt. Desai for straying from the mission of interception naval communications.
• Ria Action Track: Ria gets the blame for the missed communications that result in loss of rebel lives. Captain Anirudh doubts her suitability for the rough seas and high-stakes environment.

ACT 2:
• Ria Action Track: Ria refuses to report for the mandatory diving drill
• Ria Action Track: Ria intercepts her first crucial message when Rehman helps her confront her fear of water to complete the diving drill, but the team’s success is short-lived
• Ria Action Track: Ria stands up for Lt. Rehman against Cdr. Vikram
• Ria Action Track: Ria sneaks away during her date into Cdr. Vikram’s quarters and plants a bug.
• Ria Action Track: Ria intercepts a communication for Commander Vikram and learns that he was sent as a trojan horse – he didn’t abandon his ship like the rest of his crew willingly to fight with the rebels. His mission is to eliminate Ria and the rebel crew.
• Ria Action Track: Ria is paralysed in the closed confines of the dive suit and Lt. Rehman saves her risking his own life.
ACT 3:
• Ria Action Track: Ria seething with anger when Cdr Vikram blames her for negligence and walks away to the crew quarters disregrding the Captain.
• Ria Action Track: Ria plants false intelligence without authorization from her boss
• Ria Action Track: Ria identifies a unique signature in one of the messages and responds with her own to confirm the identity of the enemy operator.
• Ria Action Track: Ria uses her old code breaker to decipher the enemy operator messages and gets a sabotage mission authorized to take out Pakistani supply ships.
• Ria Action Track: Ria plants false intel to get proof of Vikram’s betrayal
• Ria Action Track: Ria deciphers an enemy communication that leaks an audio file that reveals Secy Varma’s cover-up
• Ria Action Track: Ria sends the file to Scy. Varma. She feels betrayed and takes a dive into the sea to end it all until she notices the mines.
• Ria Action Track: Ria rouses the crew in a passionate speech and asks them to disobey their orders to abandon ship and risk their lives to disengage the mines and save the ship.
ACT 4:
• Ria Action Track: Their ship is sabotaged and now Ria must decode the message before they sink underwater. An underwater showdown between Ria and Vikram occurs. Carrying the weight of Rehman’s death and her own tarnished reputation, underwater while she fights Vikram and reconnects the cable to intercept a crucial message.
• Ria Action Track: She successfully deciphers a top secret message to pinpoint the D-day of the enemy attack and saves countless lives during the Indo-Pak war of 1971.
• Ria Action Track: Ria discovers a hidden communication that she reveals to Cdr. Vikram when they are underwater and after that she beats him down to complete her mission.
• Ria Action Track: Ria along with her widowed mother attends a ceremony to honor her dad’s contributions with full state honours.

Character Name: Cdr. Vikram Singh

ACT 1:

• Vikram Action Track: Vikram frustrated when his emergency radio signals are not responded to. Reluctantly decides to joins the crew when they abandon ship.
• Vikram Action Track: He receives a call on the deck from the Admiral and is deferential at first and then shares his ideological beliefs. He agrees to join the rebels to infiltrate and report on them.
• Vikram Action Track: While on the run, he calls home in East Pakistan to find out that his sister was killed in a protest march by the rebel forces in their retaliation against the Pakistani military.
• Vikram Action Track: Cdr Vikram takes credit for the bravery of his crew to make the crossing to India and is given charge for the rebel crew mission to sabotage Pakistani Naval ships and create a blockade of the supply lines for their entry to East Pakistan.
• Vikram Action Track: Cdr. Vikram waits to meet Ria at a tea stall behind Fort William. He is jovial and charming and puts her at ease. He gives her the coordinates for their rebel base to begin their mission the next day. He thanks her country for helping them in their freedom struggle especially her before heading back to his hideout.
• Vikram Action Track: he’s hiding out in a rundown shelter as a refugee while courageously trying to fight and win his country’s freedom struggle.
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram finds a drop site where he gets maps and ship designs and a box with a secret radio assembly.
• Vikram Action Track: After his rendezvous, Cdr. Vikram sends out a cryptic message “the palanquin sways. Reception tom 0600 hrs,” through a makeshift ham radio on a secret frequency to his handler in Pakistan.
• Vikram Action Track: He heads to the the team location on a speed boat with his disguised portable radio.
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram sabotages the radio with a powerful magnet letting crucial communications slip through.
ACT 2:
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram takes the captain’s orders seriously and pushes the rebel divers to swim out into dangerous waters.
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram gives Lt. Rehman an impossible task for his reckless behavior as punishment.
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram makes a peace offering to Ria and invites her to dinner and has Lt Rehman wait on them
• Vikram Action Track: He tries to sneak into Ria’s quarters and covers up with seduction when she catches him going through her messages.
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram in desperation to stop her communications cuts off the cables and kills Lt. Rehman who catches him doing it.
ACT 3:
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram blames Ria for negligence and is backed up by the captain
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram uses his charm with Captain Desai to get access to the military codes to communicate to his Pakistani Admiral when his messages are intercepted by Ria.
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram gives the wrong coordinates to mislead the rebel divers to save the Pakistani supply ships but Ria catches his mistake and corrects the team.
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram secretly communicates the false intel on the military radios
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram in desperation sends the ships coordinates by turning on the beacons for the frogmen to attack and sink their ship and receives a reply from the admiral with a time.
ACT 4:
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram helps the Pakistani frogmen enter the ship.
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram disconnects the communication cables underwater but Ria fights him to reconnect and intercept a top-secret message.
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram is captured and he shares his true beliefs with Ria and the Captain.
• Vikram Action Track: Vikram takes his own life when he learns of the truth.

AI VERSION:
Protagonist – Ria Sarkar
Act 1: Old Ways – Skepticism and Independence
Actions:
1. Failed Spy Mission: Show Ria’s precise skills in radio operations by depicting her during the failed mission, making a crucial but subtle error that haunts her.
2. Selection for Mission: Illustrate her initial skepticism and determination by having her meticulously prepare for the mission, double-checking equipment and procedures that others overlook.
3. Initial Interactions: Portray her independence and subtle defiance by refusing to follow unnecessary protocols set by Captain Desai, leading to initial tension.
4. Crucial Missed Communication: Highlight her meticulous nature by showing her staying up late, listening to multiple frequencies at once, but ultimately missing the key message due to an unexpected technical glitch.
Act 2: New Plan – Trial and Error
Actions:
1. Gaining Small Victory: Ria intercepts a coded message due to her extensive knowledge of enemy patterns, surprising her male counterparts.
2. Emergency Diving Drill: Demonstrate her fear and subsequent courage by showing her struggle in the diving drill, where she has a panic attack but pushes through with Rehman’s encouragement.
3. Tension with Vikram: Create a scene where she uses her sharp observational skills to notice inconsistencies in Vikram’s actions, leading to a confrontation.
4. Midpoint Conflict: During the dive, show her quick thinking by having her solve an unexpected equipment malfunction that saves another crew member but inadvertently leads to Rehman’s death.
Act 3: Rethink Everything – Unraveling Truths
Actions:
1. Fragile Standing: Depict her taking calculated risks to regain trust, like decoding a highly encrypted message in a tense, high-pressure situation.
2. False Intelligence Test: Show her strategic side by planning and executing the false intelligence test, analyzing the fallout to confirm her suspicions about Vikram.
3. Evidence of Betrayal: Ria uses her spy training to secretly follow Vikram, eventually capturing a key piece of evidence—perhaps a coded message or a clandestine meeting.
4. Confrontation with Verma: In a private, intense conversation, Ria confronts Verma with the evidence, demanding answers about her father, showcasing her emotional depth and resilience.
Act 4: New Ways – Triumph and Transformation
Actions:
1. Underwater Showdown: Ria exhibits her physical and mental strength by outmaneuvering Vikram underwater, using her knowledge of radio frequencies to disable his equipment.
2. Reconnecting the Cable: Despite personal danger, she manually reconnects a vital communication cable, demonstrating her technical prowess and bravery.
3. Fight Pakistani Frogmen: Ria takes command in the heat of battle, directing her team with precise and effective orders that turn the tide of the fight.
4. Intercepting the Message: In a climactic moment, Ria decodes the crucial message just in time, revealing the US’s support for Pakistan and solidifying her role as a key player in the mission’s success.
5. Bittersweet Victory: Finally, show her in a moment of quiet reflection, mourning Rehman and reconciling with her past, symbolized by a gesture like placing a personal memento at a memorial.

Antagonist – Commander Vikram Singh
Act 1: Old Ways – Skepticism and Independence
Actions:
1. Infiltration Mission: Show Vikram receiving covert instructions from his Pakistani Admiral, highlighting his ideological commitment and hidden agenda.
2. Charm Offensive: Use his charm to gain trust from Captain Desai and the crew, engaging in friendly banter and sharing war stories.
3. Initial Sabotage: Subtly disrupt minor operations on the ship, such as misdirecting communications or causing technical malfunctions, without drawing suspicion.
Act 2: New Plan – Trial and Error
Actions:
1. Tensions with Ria: Engage in heated debates with Ria, using his intelligence and persuasive skills to undermine her credibility.
2. Diving Drill: Participate in the diving drill but sabotage Ria’s equipment, leading to her near-drowning to exploit her fear and further erode her standing.
3. Rehman’s Death: Manipulate events to make Rehman’s dive dangerous, ensuring it leads to his death while maintaining his facade of loyalty and competence.
Act 3: Rethink Everything – Unraveling Truths
Actions:
1. New Communication Method: Establish a secret communication line with the Pakistani forces, perhaps using an old, forgotten channel or a coded language only he understands.
2. Charm Captain Desai: Gain Desai’s trust further by sharing personal stories, playing on Desai’s misogynistic views to form an alliance against Ria.
3. False Intelligence Leak: Leak false intelligence to test Ria’s responses, monitoring how the crew reacts and adjusting his plans accordingly.
4. Cover-Up: After Ria’s false intelligence test, Vikram quickly stages an alibi, perhaps involving a trusted crew member to vouch for his actions.
Act 4: New Ways – Triumph and Transformation
Actions:
1. Underwater Showdown: Engage in a physical confrontation with Ria underwater, using his training to initially gain the upper hand.
2. Desperation Move: In a final act of desperation, attempt to blow up a crucial part of the ship, showcasing his willingness to die for his beliefs.
3. Exposure: As Ria intercepts the message and exposes him, reveal his true ideological motivations, creating a powerful moment of character revelation.
4. Final Confrontation: In his final moments, express his disillusionment and hatred, making his capture or death a significant emotional beat for the story.
Connecting Character – Captain Anirudh Desai
Act 1: Old Ways – Skepticism and Independence
Actions:
1. Initial Reluctance: Show his frustration at being pulled from vacation, grumbling about the mission and its participants, particularly Ria.
2. Authority Assertion: Assert his authority over the crew, emphasizing traditional roles and openly questioning Ria’s capabilities.
3. Testing Ria: Create deliberate challenges for Ria, such as assigning her the toughest tasks or questioning her decisions in front of the crew.
Act 2: New Plan – Trial and Error
Actions:
1. Diving Drill Challenge: Insist on the emergency diving drill, pushing Ria to face her fears and questioning her suitability for the mission.
2. Harsh Criticism: After Rehman’s death, harshly criticize Ria, leading to a tense confrontation where his own past failures start to resurface.
3. Secret Orders: Receive covert orders from higher-ups suggesting the mission is a set-up, increasing his internal conflict and distrust.
Act 3: Rethink Everything – Unraveling Truths
Actions:
1. Reluctant Cooperation: Begin to cooperate more with Ria after witnessing her skills and dedication, though
still harboring doubts. 2. Uncovering Betrayal: Assist Ria in gathering evidence against Vikram, using his authority to access restricted areas or confidential information.
3. Internal Conflict: Struggle with his traditional views and guilt over past failures, having moments of introspection and doubt, possibly through conversations with a trusted crew member.
Act 4: New Ways – Triumph and Transformation
Actions:
1. Defending the Ship: Lead the defense against the Pakistani frogmen, showing his tactical acumen and bravery, gaining respect from the crew.
2. Supporting Ria: Finally offer full support to Ria during the underwater showdown, providing crucial assistance that helps her intercept the message.
3. Reconciliation: In a climactic scene, acknowledge Ria’s abilities and offer an apology or gesture of respect, completing his character arc.
4. Standing by the Crew: Decide to stay with the crew and support the mission despite the sabotage, showing his transformation and commitment to the team.
Triangle Character – Lieutenant Rehman Khan
Act 1: Old Ways – Skepticism and Independence
Actions:
1. Brave Front: Display his bravery by volunteering for risky tasks, often with an impulsive and reckless attitude.
2. Supporting Ria: Show early signs of support for Ria, perhaps through small acts of kindness or encouragement, hinting at a budding camaraderie.
3. Family Pressure: Illustrate his survivor's guilt and need to prove himself by talking about his war-hero brother, setting up his internal conflict.
Act 2: New Plan – Trial and Error
Actions:
1. Diving Drill: Help Ria overcome her fear of water during the diving drill, demonstrating his impulsive bravery and loyalty.
2. Reckless Acts: Engage in reckless behavior during missions, such as taking unnecessary risks that jeopardize the crew’s safety but highlight his heroism.
3. Conflict with Vikram: Begin to clash with Vikram, showing suspicion of his actions and loyalty, leading to increased tension.
Act 3: Rethink Everything – Unraveling Truths
Actions:
1. Sacrificial Dive: Lead a crucial dive despite the risks, resulting in his death but providing valuable information or saving a fellow crew member.
2. Final Words: In his dying moments, pass on critical information to Ria, revealing his deep trust and belief in her mission.
3. Impact on Crew: His death creates a ripple effect, heightening the stakes and pushing the crew, especially Ria, to their emotional limits.
Act 4: New Ways – Triumph and Transformation
Actions:
1. Legacy of Courage: Inspire the crew through his bravery and sacrifice, becoming a symbolic figure for their mission.
2. Posthumous Honor: Have the crew honor his memory in a significant way, such as a memorial or a named maneuver, showing his lasting impact.
3. Emotional Catalyst: Use his death as a driving force for Ria’s final actions, motivating her to succeed and honor his sacrifice.
Mentor/Head of Special Frontier Forces – Secretary Arjun Varma
Act 1: Old Ways – Skepticism and Independence
Actions:
1. Strategic Leadership: Demonstrate his strategic mind through planning sessions, using unconventional methods that others question.
2. Personal Stakes: Reveal his past failures subtly through conversations or flashbacks, showing the burden he carries.
3. Guiding Ria: Take a paternal approach to Ria, providing advice and support while withholding certain truths to protect her.
Act 2: New Plan – Trial and Error
Actions:
1. Manipulation for Good: Manipulate events to test Ria’s abilities and resolve, such as setting up scenarios where she must make tough decisions.
2. Unconventional Tactics: Use guerrilla tactics and unconventional strategies to outmaneuver the enemy, gaining respect from the crew.
3. Coded Messages: Teach Ria advanced decoding techniques, sharing knowledge that proves crucial later in the mission.
Act 3: Rethink Everything – Unraveling Truths
Actions:
1. Revealing Betrayal: Help Ria piece together the evidence against Vikram, providing key insights and strategic advice.
2. Confronting Past: Face his own demons by acknowledging his role in Ria’s father’s dishonor, creating a moment of emotional depth and connection.
3. Critical Decisions: Make a pivotal decision that impacts the mission’s outcome, showcasing his leadership and strategic acumen.
Act 4: New Ways – Triumph and Transformation
Actions:
1. Final Strategy: Lead the final strategic maneuvers to ensure the mission’s success, using all his experience and knowledge.
2. Protective Sacrifice: Make a personal sacrifice or take a significant risk to protect the crew and ensure the mission’s success.
3. Legacy Secured: In the resolution, have Varma’s actions lead to a lasting legacy, such as a strategic victory or a recognized contribution to the war effort.
4. Mentor’s Farewell: End with a heartfelt moment with Ria, passing on wisdom and acknowledging her growth and success.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s New Outline Beats!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to use the three processes to fill in the holes in my plot by asking the question.”

My Outline:

THE SINKING LINE BEAT SHEET: (with basic plotting)

Act 1: Old Ways – Skepticism and Independence
• Opening: A failed spy mission by Ria puts her on the backburner at RAW. Ria Sarkar is introduced as a skilled but emotionally scarred radio operator by her childhood trauma that deepened her fear of water and closed spaces, overshadowed by her father's dishonor. She works in the shadows of R&AW, defined by her father's alleged betrayal.
• Event: Failed Spy mission: Ria falls off a boat into the river as her team makes a getaway and starts to drown… she recalls her childhood trauma… gets pulled out of the water by a fishing boat and revived. She wakes up to find that her pendrive missing… dropped into the river.
• Event: Radio operator: Ria works in a dingy back office listening to tapped conversations between Pakistani officials – The President indefinitely postpones National Assembly session causing civil disobedience in East Pakistan.
• Ria’s colleagues – talk about a possible war with Pakistan brings up the Indo pak war of 65 in hushed tones. Her father’s failure put the bureau and RAW head’s chances of leading missions during the upcoming war at risk.
• Surface Layer 3: Ria’s father was dishonourably discharged from duty
• Deeper Layer 3: Secy. Varma blamed his failure due to misinformation on Ria’s father who served honorably to save the mission.
• Event: Pakistani Army occupies East Pakistan; Mujibur Rehman Awami League leader delivers public speech in Dhaka calling for national independence, Pakistan Army starts Operation Searchlight in East Pakistan on March 25 1971 at midnight.
• VS Beginning: A Pakistan Naval Officer is disillusioned with the government red tape but is reluctant to disobey orders while his East Pakistan crew abandon the ship in French waters to secretly join the rebel forces in East India.
• VS Inciting Incident: Reveals his true ideological beliefs to his Pakistani Admiral who wants him to infiltrate the rebels and join them.
• VS Turning Point 1: Calls home in East Pakistan to find out that his sister was killed in a protest march by the rebel forces in their retaliation against the Pakistani military.
• AV Beginning: Varma begins as a stoic and strategic leader, burdened by past failures and the need for redemption.
• Inciting Incident: She's selected for a high-risk operation to tap into Pakistan's naval communications off the eastern coast, presenting a chance at redemption and proving her competence in a male-dominated field. Fellow agents believe it’s a punishment posting – an impossible mission that’s guaranteed to fail.
• Surface Layer 1: Ria’s mission is to intercept messages to help the rebel divers locate and disrupt the supply lines of the Pakistani military to East Pakistan.
• Deeper Layer 1: Ria’s secret mission is actually to plant false intelligence to expose the traitor in the crew
• VS Act 2: Takes credit for the bravery of his crew to make the crossing to India and is given charge for the rebel crew mission to sabotage Pakistani Naval ships and create a blockade of the supply lines for their entry to East Pakistan.
• Surface Layer 2: Cdr. Vikram is loyal to his rebel crew
• Deeper Layer 2: Cdr. Vikram wants personal vendetta against the rebels for his sister and has ideological beliefs that are opposed to theirs.
• Lt. Rehman who saved Vikram’s life while illegally crossing the European border on falsified papers warns Ria not to trust Vikram and his charming persona.
• AD Beginning: Captain Desai begins as a rugged and authoritative man with traditionalist views, haunted by past mission failures and a recent divorce.
• Captain Desai introduced as as a corrupt officer influenced by fame and money is the red herring of the story.
• AD Turning Point 1: Desai is called to lead the mission despite his reluctance, facing tensions with Ria. He initially resists her presence and competence, projecting his guilt and prejudice onto her.
• Ria asks to carry a sidearm on board for protection and is refused by Captain – she knows there is a traitor amongst them.
• AV Turning Point 1: Varma guides Ria and the team through the treacherous mission, using his strategic mind and compassion to protect his team. His unconventional methods are both envied and underestimated.
• Team meeting: The team meets at an undisclosed location off the coast of Bengal on a decommissioned ship that’s refitted for their mission.
• RK Beginning: Rehman starts as a brave but reckless adventurist, haunted by survivor's guilt and the need to prove his worth.
• AV Midpoint: Varma's manipulation and plotting from the background ensure the mission's direction. He withholds critical information and presents certain truths to motivate the team.
• Ria doesn’t trust any of the crew not because she is afraid they are all men but that one of them is a traitor.
• Ria tunes into other frequencies and decodes communications between merchant vessels – gets reprimanded by Capt. Desai for straying from the mission of interception naval communications.
• Turning Point: Ria misses a crucial communication, resulting in the loss of rebel lives. Captain Anirudh doubts her suitability for the rough seas and high-stakes environment.
• We see Ria and the crew with barely trained divers on a decommissioned ship making inconsequential attempts to sabotage supply line vessels on the East Coast.
Act 2: New Plan – Trial and Error
• AD Midpoint: Desai's leadership is challenged by Ria's competence during an emergency diving drill. His misogynistic views and commanding presence are tested, leading to internal conflict and growth.
• RK Turning Point 1: Rehman supports Ria during an emergency diving drill, helping her face her trauma. His impulsiveness and heroism drive him to take risks to prove his worth.
• RS Act 2: Ria’s trauma resurfaces when she refuses to take part in a mandatory diving drill and Capt. Desai calls his superiors to take her off the mission. Ria intercepts her first crucial message when Rehman helps her confront her fear of water to complete the diving drill, but the team’s success is short-lived when tensions erupt with Cdr Vikram after Rehman’s recklessness.
• RK Dilemma: Rehman faces the dilemma of continuing his reckless behavior to prove his worth or adopting caution and teamwork for the mission's success.
• Vikram’s absence on a dinner date with Ria where he tries to sneak into Ria’s quarters and covers up with seduction when she catches him going through her messages.
• Midpoint Turning Point: Ria intercepts a communication meant for Commander Vikram and learns that he was sent as a trojan horse – he didn’t abandon his ship like the rest of his crew willingly to fight with the rebels. His mission is to eliminate Ria and the rebel crew.
• VS Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Ria’s false intelligence test works and she intercepts a message meant for him and Cdr Vikram in desperation to stop her communications cuts off the cables and kills Lt. Rehman who catches him doing it.
• RK Midpoint: A dive led by Vikram results in Rehman's death, sacrificing himself for the mission. His reckless behavior and desire for heroism lead to his ultimate downfall.
• Dramatic Reveal 2: to audience – when he kills Lt. Rehman underwater and blames it on Ria’s negligence
• Surface Layer 4: Ria is decoding merchant ship communications with the Pakistani Navy
• Deeper Layer 4: The enemy radio operator was her colleague before going to Pakistan and it’s now a battle of wits to prove the best spy radio operator – an unfinished bet they had made upon graduating from the British academy where they were trained together.

Act 3: Rethink Everything – Unraveling Truths
• RK Turning Point 2: Rehman's death impacts the crew, especially Ria, pushing her to the brink and planting seeds of distrust. His actions serve as a turning point for Ria's journey and the mission's dynamics.
• RS Act 3: In desperation, Ria feeds false intelligence to test her suspicions, which tragically results in civilian casualties on both sides of the border.
• Dramatic Reveal 4: Ria identifies a unique signature in one of the messages and responds with her own to confirm the identity of the enemy operator.
• VS Act 3: Cdr. Vikram needs a new way to communicate and charms his way with Capt. Desai to send a secret message to the enemy.
• Vikram uses his charm with Captain Desai to get access to the military codes to communicate to his Pakistani Admiral when his messages are intercepted by Ria.
• VS Turning Point 3: The rebels succeed in sabotaging Pakistani ships due to Ria’s attention to detail and despite his attempts to mislead them. His true intentions are at risk of being exposed.
• Major Reveal 1: Ria uncovers evidence of Vikram’s betrayal when the Pakistani military hits the wrong port. She plants false intelligence only Vikram would have coordinates to confirm.
• Turning Point: Major Shift: Ria's relentless pursuit of the truth leads her to evidence of Vikram's betrayal and the fabrication of her father’s dishonor by her mentor, Secy. Verma. Their ship is sabotaged and now Ria must decode the message before they sink underwater.
• AV Turning Point 2: Varma must confront his past failures and guide the team to success.
• RS Turning Point 3: Ria's uncovers the fabrication of her father’s dishonor by her mentor and feels betrayed.
• Dramatic Reveal 3: Ria deciphers an enemy communication that leaks an audio file that reveals Secy Varma’s cover-up
• AD Dilemma: Desai faces a dilemma of either maintaining his traditional views and failing the mission or accepting Ria's competence and leading his crew to success.
• AD Turning Point 2: The ship is sabotaged, Desai confronts his own prejudices and failures to work with Ria to save the mission.
• RK Major Conflict: Rehman's ultimate sacrifice and death during the dive highlight his journey from a reckless adventurist to a selfless freedom fighter.
• AV Dilemma: Varma faces the dilemma of either maintaining control and withholding information or trusting Ria and the team to take risks and succeed.
• RS Dilemma: Ria faces a dilemma of whether to focus on intercepting the crucial message to save the mission or confront Vikram and clear her name, risking her life in the process. Her delay costs her and her crew dearly.
• VS Dilemma: Vikram faces the choice of either abandoning his mission to sabotage the rebel crew or continuing his treacherous path, risking exposure and failure.
• Surface Layer 5: Cdr. Vikram believes that his sister was killed by Rebel forces
• Deeper Layer 5: His sister actually marched with the rebel forces and was massacred by Pakistani military
• AV Major Conflict: Varma's strategic manipulation and guidance are crucial during the mission's climax. He pulls the strings to ensure each piece moves according to his broader strategy.
• a more nefarious scheme of infiltration and exposing a traitor and intercepting top secret messages that drastically change the direction of the war and create a permanent blockage that can end the genocide.

Act 4: New Ways – Triumph and Transformation

• Dramatic Reveal 2: to the crew – TP3 when Pakistani frogmen sabotage their ship to sink it.
• RS Act 4 Climax: Their ship is sabotaged and now Ria must decode the message before they sink underwater. An underwater showdown between Ria and Vikram occurs. Carrying the weight of Rehman’s death and her own tarnished reputation, underwater while she fights Vikram and reconnects the cable to intercept a crucial message. Capt Anirudh and his crew fight Pakistani frogmen and save the ship from going under.
• Dramatic Reveal 5: Ria discovers a hidden communication that she reveals to Cdr. Vikram when they are underwater and after that she beats him down to complete her mission.
• VS Act 4 Climax: Pakistani frogmen sabotage their ship but Ria fights Vikram underwater and overpowers him to intercept the top-secret message they have been waiting for.
• AD Major Conflict: Desai fights alongside Ria and the crew against Pakistani frogmen, realizing the importance of teamwork and overcoming his internal biases.
• RK Ending: Rehman's death serves as a catalyst for Ria's transformation and the mission's success. His legacy as a martyr and freedom fighter is honored, and his actions inspire the crew.
• Resolution: Intercepted cables reveal US support for Pakistan, legitimizing India's backing of East Pakistani rebels. Ria's victory is bittersweet as she mourns Rehman, restores her father's legacy, and gains Captain Anirudh's respect, who offers to make amends when the crew refuses to abandon the ship and keeps it afloat to help her carry out her mission.
• VS Resolution: Cdr. Vikram is captured and exposed as a traitor. His ideological beliefs are shattered, bringing an end to his descent into betrayal. It is revealed that the Pakistani military slaughtered his sister, and she gave her life joining the rebel forces to fight for freedom.
• AD Ending: Desai gains respect for Ria, reconciles his past failures, and offers to make amends. His leadership and experience are crucial to the mission's success, and he evolves into a more accepting and competent leader.
• AV Ending: Varma's unconventional methods and leadership result in the mission's success. He redeems himself for past failures, gains respect from the team, and secures his legacy as a key strategic general in the unconventional war efforts.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Query Letter Draft ONE
“What I learned doing this assignment is… to write a query letter with hooks and keep it short and engaging.”

QUERY LETTER HAWALA LEDGER VER 2

Dear [Producer first name],

I really like the concept of your show “TITLE” and thought you might be interested to take a look at my latest one-hour thriller titled “HAWALA LEDGER.” Its MONEY HEIST meets MR. ROBOT.

Below is the synopsis. Let me know what you think.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to share the TV Bible / Pilot.

Sunil Pappu

Title: Hawala Ledger
Genre: One-hour Heist Thriller Serial

There’s only one way to save the world of finance – a heist!

A daredevil math prodigy Priya’s routine class assignment turns out to be a test for a dangerous, unsanctioned operation by a rogue intelligence agent Arjun masquerading as her professor. He recruits her to the heist team to steal a secret Ledger from the underworld banking network, the Hawala that seeks to control global finance. Priya quickly discovers that she can trust no one, as each teammate harbors secrets. Their infiltration attempts fail, and the team realizes there is a mole among them. Meanwhile…

… Priya and her father are kidnapped by RAW agents!

Under duress, Priya betrays her team to save her father, only to be rescued by Arjun moments before the safehouse explodes, killing her father. Arjun believes her father was one of Hawala's founders, but she needs to go deeper into the dangerous world of Hawala to uncover the truth and time is running out as the Ledger is up for sale. She survives a terror attack on the Bombay Stock Exchange to steal the ledger and stumbles into her father’s secret vault with a symbol on the wall that matches the one on the stolen Ledger.

Is Priya the hero or the coder of global chaos?

Episode Structure: Throughout the season, Priya grapples with her father's ominous legacy while trying to earn her team’s trust. Their quest to retrieve the ledger pitches the team not only against each other but against other cybercrime syndicates as well. With each code cracked and secret unearthed, the ledger's power looms, threatening global financial anarchy. Each heist brings them closer to the identity of Hawala’s true architects and Priya’s shocking connections to “The Kuber Circle” – the mythical secret society that controls global wealth and power.

BIO: Sunil is an award-winning screenwriter who specializes in female-led thrillers. He is a finalist in several international screenwriting contests such as BIG BREAK and ISC@JIFF. A series pilot he co-wrote is currently in development for a TV network in the UK.

DIRECT INFO:
CONTACT AGENT:

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Target Market

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to create my contact list of TV producers populating them from IMDBpro and LinkedIn. I’m excited to start marketing my project to them and feel completely empowered.”

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to create an engaging beat sheet that flows well with the character journeys and deeper layers.“

THE SINKING LINE BEAT SHEET: (with Character journeys & deeper layers)

• VS Beginning: A Pakistan Naval Officer is disillusioned with the government red tape but is reluctant to disobey orders while his East Pakistan crew abandon the ship in French waters to secretly join the rebel forces in East India.
• VS Inciting Incident: Reveals his true ideological beliefs to his Pakistani Admiral who wants him to infiltrate the rebels and join them.
• VS Turning Point 1: Calls home in East Pakistan to find out that his sister was killed in a protest march by the rebel forces in their retaliation against the Pakistani military.
• AV Beginning: Varma begins as a stoic and strategic leader, burdened by past failures and the need for redemption.

Act 1: Old Ways – Skepticism and Independence
• Opening: A failed spy mission by Ria puts her on the backburner at RAW. Ria Sarkar is introduced as a skilled but emotionally scarred radio operator by her childhood trauma that deepened her fear of water and closed spaces, overshadowed by her father’s dishonor. She works in the shadows of R&AW, defined by her father’s alleged betrayal.
• Surface Layer 3: Ria’s father was dishonourably discharged from duty
• Deeper Layer 3: Secy. Varma blamed his failure due to misinformation on Ria’s father who served honorably to save the mission.
• AD Beginning: Captain Desai begins as a rugged and authoritative man with traditionalist views, haunted by past mission failures and a recent divorce.
• Captain Desai introduced as as a corrupt officer influenced by fame and money is the red herring of the story.
• Inciting Incident: She’s selected for a high-risk operation to tap into Pakistan’s naval communications off the eastern coast, presenting a chance at redemption and proving her competence in a male-dominated field. Fellow agents believe it’s a punishment posting – an impossible mission that’s guaranteed to fail.
• Surface Layer 1: Ria’s mission is to intercept messages to help the rebel divers locate and disrupt the supply lines of the Pakistani military to East Pakistan.
• Deeper Layer 1: Ria’s secret mission is actually to plant false intelligence to expose the traitor in the crew
• VS Act 2: Takes credit for the bravery of his crew to make the crossing to India and is given charge for the rebel crew mission to sabotage Pakistani Naval ships and create a blockade of the supply lines for their entry to East Pakistan.
• Surface Layer 2: Cdr. Vikram is loyal to his rebel crew
• Deeper Layer 2: Cdr. Vikram wants personal vendetta against the rebels for his sister and has ideological beliefs that are opposed to theirs.
• Lt. Rehman who saved Vikram’s life while illegally crossing the European border on falsified papers warns Ria not to trust Vikram and his charming persona.
• AD Turning Point 1: Desai is called to lead the mission despite his reluctance, facing tensions with Ria. He initially resists her presence and competence, projecting his guilt and prejudice onto her.
• Ria asks to carry a sidearm on board for protection and is refused by Captain – she knows there is a traitor amongst them.
• AV Turning Point 1: Varma guides Ria and the team through the treacherous mission, using his strategic mind and compassion to protect his team. His unconventional methods are both envied and underestimated.
• The team meets at an undisclosed location off the coast of Bengal
• RK Beginning: Rehman starts as a brave but reckless adventurist, haunted by survivor’s guilt and the need to prove his worth.
• AV Midpoint: Varma’s manipulation and plotting from the background ensure the mission’s direction. He withholds critical information and presents certain truths to motivate the team.
• Ria doesn’t trust any of the crew not because she is afraid they are all men but that one of them is a traitor.
• Ria tunes into other frequencies and decodes communications between merchant vessels – gets reprimanded by Capt. Desai for straying from the mission of interception naval communications.
• Turning Point: Ria misses a crucial communication, resulting in the loss of rebel lives. Captain Anirudh doubts her suitability for the rough seas and high-stakes environment.
• We see Ria and the crew with barely trained divers on a decommissioned ship making inconsequential attempts to sabotage supply line vessels on the East Coast.
Act 2: New Plan – Trial and Error
• AD Midpoint: Desai’s leadership is challenged by Ria's competence during an emergency diving drill. His misogynistic views and commanding presence are tested, leading to internal conflict and growth.
• RK Turning Point 1: Rehman supports Ria during an emergency diving drill, helping her face her trauma. His impulsiveness and heroism drive him to take risks to prove his worth.
• RS Act 2: Ria’s trauma resurfaces when she refuses to take part in a mandatory diving drill and Capt. Desai calls his superiors to take her off the mission. Ria intercepts her first crucial message when Rehman helps her confront her fear of water to complete the diving drill, but the team’s success is short-lived when tensions erupt with Cdr Vikram after Rehman’s recklessness.
• RK Dilemma: Rehman faces the dilemma of continuing his reckless behavior to prove his worth or adopting caution and teamwork for the mission’s success.
• Vikram’s absence on a dinner date with Ria where he tries to sneak into Ria’s quarters and covers up with seduction when she catches him going through her messages.
• Midpoint Turning Point: Ria intercepts a communication meant for Commander Vikram and learns that he was sent as a trojan horse – he didn’t abandon his ship like the rest of his crew willingly to fight with the rebels. His mission is to eliminate Ria and the rebel crew.
• VS Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Ria’s false intelligence test works and she intercepts a message meant for him and Cdr Vikram in desperation to stop her communications cuts off the cables and kills Lt. Rehman who catches him doing it.
• RK Midpoint: A dive led by Vikram results in Rehman’s death, sacrificing himself for the mission. His reckless behavior and desire for heroism lead to his ultimate downfall.
• Dramatic Reveal 2: to audience – when he kills Lt. Rehman underwater and blames it on Ria’s negligence
• Surface Layer 4: Ria is decoding merchant ship communications with the Pakistani Navy
• Deeper Layer 4: The enemy radio operator was her colleague before going to Pakistan and it’s now a battle of wits to prove the best spy radio operator – an unfinished bet they had made upon graduating from the British academy where they were trained together.

Act 3: Rethink Everything – Unraveling Truths

• RK Turning Point 2: Rehman’;s death impacts the crew, especially Ria, pushing her to the brink and planting seeds of distrust. His actions serve as a turning point for Ria's journey and the mission’s dynamics.
• RS Act 3: In desperation, Ria feeds false intelligence to test her suspicions, which tragically results in civilian casualties on both sides of the border.
• Dramatic Reveal 4: Ria identifies a unique signature in one of the messages and responds with her own to confirm the identity of the enemy operator.
• VS Act 3: Cdr. Vikram needs a new way to communicate and charms his way with Capt. Desai to send a secret message to the enemy.
• Vikram uses his charm with Captain Desai to get access to the military codes to communicate to his Pakistani Admiral when his messages are intercepted by Ria.
• VS Turning Point 3: The rebels succeed in sabotaging Pakistani ships due to Ria’s attention to detail and despite his attempts to mislead them. His true intentions are at risk of being exposed.
• Major Reveal 1: Ria uncovers evidence of Vikram’s betrayal when the Pakistani military hits the wrong port. She plants false intelligence only Vikram would have coordinates to confirm.
• Turning Point: Major Shift: Ria’s relentless pursuit of the truth leads her to evidence of Vikram’s betrayal and the fabrication of her father’s dishonor by her mentor, Secy. Verma. Their ship is sabotaged and now Ria must decode the message before they sink underwater.
• AV Turning Point 2: Varma must confront his past failures and guide the team to success.
• RS Turning Point 3: Ria uncovers the fabrication of her father’s dishonor by her mentor and feels betrayed.
• Dramatic Reveal 3: Ria deciphers an enemy communication that leaks an audio file that reveals Secy Varma’s cover-up
• AD Dilemma: Desai faces a dilemma of either maintaining his traditional views and failing the mission or accepting Ria's competence and leading his crew to success.
• AD Turning Point 2: The ship is sabotaged, Desai confronts his own prejudices and failures to work with Ria to save the mission.
• RK Major Conflict: Rehman’s ultimate sacrifice and death during the dive highlight his journey from a reckless adventurist to a selfless freedom fighter.
• AV Dilemma: Varma faces the dilemma of either maintaining control and withholding information or trusting Ria and the team to take risks and succeed.
• RS Dilemma: Ria faces a dilemma of whether to focus on intercepting the crucial message to save the mission or confront Vikram and clear her name, risking her life in the process. Her delay costs her and her crew dearly.
• VS Dilemma: Vikram faces the choice of either abandoning his mission to sabotage the rebel crew or continuing his treacherous path, risking exposure and failure.
• Surface Layer 5: Cdr. Vikram believes that his sister was killed by Rebel forces
• Deeper Layer 5: His sister actually marched with the rebel forces and was massacred by Pakistani military
• AV Major Conflict: Varma’s strategic manipulation and guidance are crucial during the mission’s climax. He pulls the strings to ensure each piece moves according to his broader strategy.
• a more nefarious scheme of infiltration and exposing a traitor and intercepting top secret messages that drastically change the direction of the war and create a permanent blockage that can end the genocide.

Act 4: New Ways – Triumph and Transformation

• Dramatic Reveal 2: to the crew – TP3 when Pakistani frogmen sabotage their ship to sink it.
• RS Act 4 Climax: Their ship is sabotaged and now Ria must decode the message before they sink underwater. An underwater showdown between Ria and Vikram occurs. Carrying the weight of Rehman’s death and her own tarnished reputation, underwater while she fights Vikram and reconnects the cable to intercept a crucial message. Capt Anirudh and his crew fight Pakistani frogmen and save the ship from going under.
• Dramatic Reveal 5: Ria discovers a hidden communication that she reveals to Cdr. Vikram when they are underwater and after that she beats him down to complete her mission.
• VS Act 4 Climax: Pakistani frogmen sabotage their ship but Ria fights Vikram underwater and overpowers him to intercept the top-secret message they have been waiting for.
• AD Major Conflict: Desai fights alongside Ria and the crew against Pakistani frogmen, realizing the importance of teamwork and overcoming his internal biases.
• RK Ending: Rehman's death serves as a catalyst for Ria’s transformation and the mission’s success. His legacy as a martyr and freedom fighter is honored, and his actions inspire the crew.
• Resolution: Intercepted cables reveal US support for Pakistan, legitimizing India’s backing of East Pakistani rebels. Ria's victory is bittersweet as she mourns Rehman, restores her father’s legacy, and gains Captain Anirudh’s respect, who offers to make amends when the crew refuses to abandon the ship and keeps it afloat to help her carry out her mission.
• VS Resolution: Cdr. Vikram is captured and exposed as a traitor. His ideological beliefs are shattered, bringing an end to his descent into betrayal. It is revealed that the Pakistani military slaughtered his sister, and she gave her life joining the rebel forces to fight for freedom.
• AD Ending: Desai gains respect for Ria, reconciles his past failures, and offers to make amends. His leadership and experience are crucial to the mission’s success, and he evolves into a more accepting and competent leader.
• AV Ending: Varma’s unconventional methods and leadership result in the mission's success. He redeems himself for past failures, gains respect from the team, and secures his legacy as a key strategic general in the unconventional war efforts.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Character Structure

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to create character journeys for my main lead characters.”

Character Journeys

Character Journey: Protagonist – Ria Sarkar
• Beginning: Ria’s failed spy mission and her father’s dishonor added to her childhood trauma that deepened her fear of water and closed spaces – introduce her as a highly skilled but emotionally scarred radio operator
• Inciting Incident: Selected for an impossible mission that none of her other colleagues want to take up.
• Turning Point 1: Ria fails a crucial communication she didn’t know she had to intercept which results in the loss of rebel lives and gets her off on the wrong footing with the misogynistic Captain Desai.
• Act 2: Ria’s trauma resurfaces when she refuses to take part in a mandatory diving drill and Capt. Desai calls his superiors to take her off the mission. Ria intercepts her first crucial message when Rehman helps her confront her fear of water to complete the diving drill, but the team’s success is short-lived when tensions erupt with Cdr Vikram after Rehman’s recklessness.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Ria is blamed for negligence when a dive led by Vikram results in Rehman's death. This incident plants seeds of distrust within the crew and pushes Ria to the brink. Ria intercepts a communication meant for Commander Vikram and learns that he was sent as a trojan horse – he didn’t abandon his ship like the rest of his crew willingly to fight with the rebels. His mission is to eliminate Ria and the rebel crew.
• Act 3: In desperation, Ria feeds false intelligence to test her suspicions, which tragically results in civilian casualties on both sides of the border.
• Turning Point 3: Ria's relentless pursuit of the truth leads her to evidence of Vikram's betrayal but before she can inform Secy. Verma she uncovers the fabrication of her father’s dishonor by her mentor and feels betrayed.
• Dilemma: Ria faces a dilemma of whether to focus on intercepting the crucial message to save the mission or confront Vikram and clear her name, risking her life in the process. Her delay costs her and her crew dearly.
• Act 4 Climax: Their ship is sabotaged and now Ria must decode the message before they sink underwater. An underwater showdown between Ria and Vikram occurs. Carrying the weight of Rehman’s death and her own tarnished reputation, underwater while she fights Vikram and reconnects the cable to intercept a crucial message. Capt Anirudh and his crew fight Pakistani frogmen and save the ship from going under.
• Resolution: Intercepted cables reveal US support for Pakistan, legitimizing India's backing of East Pakistani rebels. Ria's victory is bittersweet as she mourns Rehman, restores her father's legacy, and gains Captain Anirudh's respect, who offers to make amends when the crew refuses to abandon the ship and keeps it afloat to help her carry out her mission.
•

Character Journey: Antagonist – Cdr. Vikram Singh
• Beginning: A Pakistan Naval Officer is disillusioned with the government red tape but is reluctant to disobey orders while his East Pakistan crew abandon the ship in French waters to secretly join the rebel forces in East India.
• Inciting Incident: Reveals his true ideological beliefs to his Pakistani Admiral who wants him to infiltrate the rebels and join them.
• Turning Point 1: Calls home in East Pakistan to find out that his sister was killed in a protest march by the rebel forces in their retaliation against the Pakistani military.
• Act 2: Takes credit for the bravery of his crew to make the crossing to India and is given charge for the rebel crew mission to sabotage Pakistani Naval ships and create a blockade of the supply lines for their entry to East Pakistan.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Ria false intelligence test works and she intercepts a message meant for him and Cdr Vikram in desperation to stop her communications cuts off the cables and kills Lt. Rehman who catches him doing it.
• Act 3: Cdr. Vikram needs a new way to communicate and charms his way with Capt. Desai to send a secret message to the enemy.
• Turning Point 3: The rebels succeed in sabotaging Pakistani ships due to Ria’s attention to detail and despite his attempts to mislead them. His true intentions are at risk of being exposed.
• Dilemma: Vikram faces the choice of either abandoning his mission to sabotage the rebel crew or continuing his treacherous path, risking exposure and failure.
• Act 4 Climax: Pakistani frogmen sabotage their ship but Ria fights Vikram underwater and overpowers him to intercept the top-secret message they have been waiting for.
• Resolution: Cdr. Vikram is captured and exposed as a traitor. His ideological beliefs are shattered, bringing an end to his descent into betrayal. It is revealed that the Pakistani military slaughtered his sister, and she gave her life joining the rebel forces to fight for freedom.

Character Journey: Captain Anirudh Desai
Beginning: Captain Desai begins as a rugged and authoritative man with traditionalist views, haunted by past mission failures and a recent divorce.
Turning Point 1: Desai is called to lead the mission despite his reluctance, facing tensions with Ria. He initially resists her presence and competence, projecting his guilt and prejudice onto her.
Midpoint: Desai's leadership is challenged by Ria's competence during an emergency diving drill. His misogynistic views and commanding presence are tested, leading to internal conflict and growth.
Turning Point 2: Ria's relentless pursuit of the truth and evidence of Vikram's betrayal force Desai to confront his own prejudices and failures. The ship is sabotaged, and he must work with Ria to save the mission.
Dilemma: Desai faces a dilemma of either maintaining his traditional views and failing the mission or accepting Ria's competence and leading his crew to success.
Major Conflict: Desai fights alongside Ria and the crew against Pakistani frogmen, realizing the importance of teamwork and overcoming his internal biases.
Ending: Desai gains respect for Ria, reconciles his past failures, and offers to make amends. His leadership and experience are crucial to the mission's success, and he evolves into a more accepting and competent leader.

Character Journey: Lieutenant Rehman Khan
Beginning: Rehman starts as a brave but reckless adventurist, haunted by survivor's guilt and the need to prove his worth.
Turning Point 1: Rehman supports Ria during an emergency diving drill, helping her face her trauma. His impulsiveness and heroism drive him to take risks to prove his worth.
Midpoint: A dive led by Vikram results in Rehman's death, sacrificing himself for the mission. His reckless behavior and desire for heroism lead to his ultimate downfall.
Turning Point 2: Rehman's death impacts the crew, especially Ria, pushing her to the brink and planting seeds of distrust. His actions serve as a turning point for Ria's journey and the mission's dynamics.
Dilemma: Rehman faces the dilemma of continuing his reckless behavior to prove his worth or adopting caution and teamwork for the mission's success.
Major Conflict: Rehman's ultimate sacrifice and death during the dive highlight his journey from a reckless adventurist to a selfless freedom fighter.
Ending: Rehman's death serves as a catalyst for Ria's transformation and the mission's success. His legacy as a martyr and freedom fighter is honored, and his actions inspire the crew.

Character Journey: Secretary Arjun Varma
Beginning: Varma begins as a stoic and strategic leader, burdened by past failures and the need for redemption.
Turning Point 1: Varma guides Ria and the team through the treacherous mission, using his strategic mind and compassion to protect his team. His unconventional methods are both envied and underestimated.
Midpoint: Varma's manipulation and plotting from the background ensure the mission's direction. He withholds critical information and presents certain truths to motivate the team.
Turning Point 2: Ria uncovers evidence of Vikram's betrayal and the fabrication of her father's dishonor by Varma. The ship is sabotaged, and Varma must confront his past failures and guide the team to success.
Dilemma: Varma faces the dilemma of either maintaining control and withholding information or trusting Ria and the team to take risks and succeed.
Major Conflict: Varma's strategic manipulation and guidance are crucial during the mission's climax. He pulls the strings to ensure each piece moves according to his broader strategy.
Ending: Varma's unconventional methods and leadership result in the mission's success. He redeems himself for past failures, gains respect from the team, and secures his legacy as a key strategic general in the unconventional war efforts.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Deeper Layer!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… creating a more interesting deeper layer and as a result having a breakthrough in creating a more convincing surface layer that can cause a bigger surprise when revealed.

• Surface Layer: Ria’s mission is to intercept messages to help the rebel divers locate and disrupt the supply lines of the Pakistani military to East Pakistan.
• Deeper Layer: Ria’s secret mission is actually to plant false intelligence to expose the traitor in the crew
• Major Reveal: Ria uncovers evidence of Vikram’s betrayal when the Pakistani military hits the wrong port. She plants false intelligence only Vikram would have coordinates to confirm.
• Influences Surface Story: Ria doesn’t trust any of the crew not because she is afraid they are all men but that one of them is a traitor. Vikram’s absence on a dinner date with Ria where he tries to sneak into Ria’s quarters and covers up with seduction when she catches him going through her messages. Captain Desai as a corrupt officer influenced by fame and money is the red herring of the story.
• Hints: Lt. Rehman who saved Vikram’s life while illegally crossing the European border on falsified papers warns Ria not to trust Vikram and his charming persona. Ria asks to carry a sidearm on board for protection and is refused by Captain – she knows there is a traitor amongst them. Ria tunes into other frequencies and decodes communications between merchant vessels – gets reprimanded by Capt. Desai for straying from the mission of interception naval communications. Vikram uses his charm with Captain Desai to get access to the military codes to communicate to his Pakistani Admiral when his messages are intercepted by Ria.
• Changes Reality: From seeing Ria and the crew with barely trained divers on a decommissioned ship making inconsequential attempts to sabotage supply line vessels on the East Coast to a more nefarious scheme of infiltration and exposing a traitor and intercepting top secret messages that drastically change the direction of the war and create a permanent blockage that can end the genocide.

• Surface Layer: Cdr. Vikram is loyal to his rebel crew
• Deeper Layer: Cdr. Vikram wants personal vendetta against the rebels for his sister and has ideological beliefs that are opposed to theirs.
• Dramatic Reveal: to audience – when he kills Lt. Rehman underwater and blames it on Ria’s negligence; to the crew – TP3 when Pakistani frogmen sabotage their ship to sink it.

• Surface Layer: Ria’s father was dishonourably discharged from duty
• Deeper Layer: Secy. Varma blamed his failure due to misinformation on Ria’s father who served honorably to save the mission.
• Dramatic Reveal: Ria deciphers an enemy communication that leaks an audio file that reveals Secy Varma’s cover-up

• Surface Layer: Ria is decoding merchant ship communications with the Pakistani Navy
• Deeper Layer: The enemy radio operator was her colleague before going to Pakistan and it’s now a battle of wits to prove the best spy radio operator – an unfinished bet they had made upon graduating from the British academy where they were trained together.
• Dramatic Reveal: Ria identifies a unique signature in one of the messages and responds with her own to confirm the identity of the enemy operator.

• Surface Layer: Cdr. Vikram believes that his sister was killed by Rebel forces
• Deeper Layer: His sister actually marched with the rebel forces and was massacred by Pakistani military
• Dramatic Reveal: Ria discovers a hidden communication that she reveals to Cdr. Vikram when they are underwater and after that she beats him down to complete her mission.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Phone Pitch

“What I learned from this lesson is…to create a concise 30-second phone pitch to sell my project.”

Phone pitch Strategy: Lead with credibility.

PHONE PITCH # 1:

Hi, this is Sunil Pappu, an award-winning screenwriter with paid writing assignments specializing in female-led thrillers. I have a one-hour heist thriller called Hawala Ledger. This series offers a unique twist—a heist that can save global finance as we know it. It follows a math prodigy who joins a team to steal a ledger holding an ancient algorithm from the powerful secret society backing the Hawala network. Think Money Heist meets Mr. Robot.

PHONE PITCH # 2:

Hi, this is Sunil Pappu, an award-winning screenwriter with paid writing assignments specializing in female-led thrillers. I have a one-hour heist thriller called Hawala Ledger, which uniquely explores the Hawala network—a household name in India linked to the underworld, scams, and terror financing. This network holds ancient secrets of wealth and power passed down through generations. It's like Money Heist meets Mr. Robot.

PHONE PITCH # 3:

Hi, this is Sunil Pappu, an award-winning screenwriter with paid writing assignments specializing in female-led thrillers. I have a one-hour heist thriller called Hawala Ledger. In a time when digital payment apps are in vogue and crypto is at risk, our series delves into the still-successful and underexplored world of Hawala—a banking system that runs the underworld. It's about a math prodigy joining a heist team to steal a ledger containing an ancient algorithm that runs global finance. It's like Money Heist meets Mr. Robot.

QUESTIONS:

• What is the budget range?
Mid-range about $15 – 20 million

• Who do you see in the main roles?
The role of Priya, the math genius, is a great role for an Indian actor like Shruti Haasan, maybe Reba Monica John known for her 2019 performance in Tamil film BIGIL or Amrit Kaur known for her role as Bela Malhotra in The Sex Lives of College Girls.
And the role of Arjun the ex-RAW agent and heist leader, could be played by someone like Lakshya whose upcoming movie KILL is billed as the most violent action thriller ever on Indian screens or Suraj Sharma known for his breakout role in Life of Pi.
Other roles of the heist team can be played by international actors who are mostly Asian or AAPI (Asian American Pacific Islanders).
Meera – Pashmina Roshan or Maitreyi Ramakrishnan as the sassy hacker
Mandeep – Kartik Aaryan or Kunal Nayyar as the Shadow
Sofia – Paulina Andreeva or Courtney Eaton as the Chameleon
Lina – Michelle Yeoh or Constance Wu as the Oracle
Raghav – Adarsh Gourav or Riz Ahmed as the eccentric Hyena
Harsh – Ahan Shetty or Sendhil Ramamurthy as the Hawala Enforcer

• How many pages is the script?
56 pages (pilot)

• Who else has seen this?
I’m coming to you before I take it out to the market.

• Why do you think this fits our company?
You have done thriller series with a unique twist.

• How does the pilot/season end?
Pilot Cliffhanger – Priya unlocks a secret vault behind her father’s bookshelf which has the same symbol as the one on the ledger – that belongs to an ancient secret society that controls global wealth and power. At the secret society headquarters, Priya is being watched and her father is still alive!

• Season Cliffhanger: They obtain a ledger, but it's only part of a larger puzzle. Priya's father is arrested, and her loyalty is questioned. The crew must decide their next move.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Supporting Characters

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to create supporting characters with a clear main purpose that adds value to the story.”

• Supporting Characters: Ria’s widowed mother, Pakistani Admiral, Enemy Radio operator, Captain of US Merchant ship (who relays Nixon’s message to Pakistan), Cdr. Vikram’s sister (wound for him), Captain Desai’s wife, Rehman’s war-hero brother, Ria’s father

• Background Characters: Rebel divers, Ship crew and staff, Chiefs of Armed forces, Prime Minister, Chief Advisor, Bangladesh freedom fighters (Mukti Bahini group), Captain’s of other merchant ships, Pakistani Frogmen, Naval Dock workers, Naval Command staff, Pakistani military forces, Pakistani Prime Minister, Bangladeshi civilians, Indian embassy staff, RAW agents, Border guards, truck drivers, local informants.

Support 1:
• Name: Chandni Sarkar
• Role: Ria’s widowed mother
• Main purpose: Ria’s only family who wants her daughter to quit and come home
• Value: Creates tension for Ria as she tries to prove herself and clear her father’s name

Support 2:
• Name: Admiral Hasan Mohammad
• Role: Pakistani Admiral, Eastern Naval Command
• Main purpose: Commander Vikram’s boss who receives his secret messages on the rebel mission and plans his Naval attacks on the Bangladesh coast
• Value: To show the stakes for Cdr. Vikram and Ria

Support 3:
• Name: Ayyub Khan
• Role: Enemy Radio Operator
• Main purpose: Ria’s former colleague whose signature she recognizes and beats him in the end to decode his top-secret message that gives India the legitimacy to enter the war
• Value: To challenge Ria’s skills and as a former colleague taunt her for always being second best.

Support 4:
• Name: Captain Robert Green
• Role: Captain of US Merchant Ship
• Main purpose: To pass on secret communications between Nixon and the Pakistani Prime Minister
• Value: One of these messages when intercepted by Ria changes the war

Support 5:
• Name: Simran Kaur
• Role: Cdr. Vikram’s sister
• Main purpose: Vikram’s wound and a reason to betray his duty as a Rebel Commander is her death in a raid due to joining rebel forces in East Pakistan
• Value: Vikram’s motivation to ensure the rebel mission fails

Support 6:
• Name: Priya Desai
• Role: Captain Desai’s wife
• Main purpose: She starts divorce proceedings against Captain Desai and drives him further to scorn all women.
• Value: Captain Desai’s’ misogyny fueled by his hatred for his wife is redirected at Ria creating undeserved misfortune for her.

Support 7:
• Name: Major Salman Khan
• Role: Lt. Rehman’s War-hero brother
• Main purpose: His wound – It haunts him that he failed to fight on the frontlines of war like his brother and let the family down.
• Value: Rehman’s motivation to sacrifice his life for the mission

Support 8:
• Name: Cdr. Abhijeet Sarkar
• Role: Ria’s father
• Main purpose: Ria’s wound – She wants to clear his name and find out the truth
• Value: Ria discovers that her mentor Secy. Varma made her father the scapegoat for his failed operation when in fact he should have been honored for his service. She gets him the recognition he deserves and reinstates her family legacy.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Pitch Fest Pitch

“What I learned is to create a short and clear pitch to hook producers in less than 2 minutes and get a script request for my project.”

Credibility: Hi, I’m Sunil Pappu, a screenwriter specialising in female-led thrillers and a series I co-wrote is in development for a network in the UK.

Genre: One-Hour Heist Thriller

Title: Hawala Ledger

Main Hook: Are we just one heist away from global financial chaos? Can a reluctant math genius become the ultimate thief and outsmart the world’s most secretive financial network to steal the algorithm hidden in an ancient ledger?

Pitch Fest Pitch:

Hi, I’m Sunil Pappu. I specialize in writing female-led thrillers and a series I co-wrote is in development for a TV network in the UK. My latest one-hour heist thriller is called HAWALA LEDGER. It’s about a reluctant math genius who becomes the ultimate thief and outsmarts the world’s most secretive financial network to steal the algorithm hidden in an ancient ledger, hauling us just one heist away from global financial chaos!

Questions:
• What is the budget range?
Mid-range about $15 – 20 million

• What actors do you like for the lead roles?
The role of Priya, the math genius, is a great role for an Indian actor like Shruti Haasan, maybe Reba Monica John known for her 2019 performance in Tamil film BIGIL.
And the role of Arjun the ex-RAW agent and heist leader, could be played by someone like Lakshya whose upcoming movie KILL is billed as the most violent action thriller ever on Indian screens.
Other roles of the heist team can be played by international actors who are mostly Asian or AAPI (Asian American Pacific Islanders).

• Give me the acts of the story.
Act 1 – Priya balances her life between caring for her ailing father and her university as a genius student in pattern recognition and cryptanalysis until her class project turns out to be a test for her recruitment to an unsanctioned intelligence operation and she is kidnapped to join a heist team let by her professor Arjun.
ACT 2 – Priya tries to gain the trust of her teammates who each have their secrets. As they plan a heist to steal a ledger from the Hawala network, a failed infiltration exposes a mole – Priya is the prime suspect!
ACT 3 – Priya wants to clear her name and goes solo to find proof of her predictions and records an alarming video call discussing a ledger sale, but RAW agents raid her house and interrogate her holding her father hostage in a safehouse. While she is rescued by Arjun the safehouse blows up killing her father. As she mourns his loss, Arjun reveals that he suspected her father was one of the architects of the Hawala network.
ACT 4 – Priya needs to steal the ledger to find the truth about her father and joins the team to stop the ledger sale but a terror attack on the Bombay Stock Exchange is used as a distraction and pits the heist team against the terrorists.
ACT 5 – Priya escapes with the ledger and the heist team rescues the hostages killing terrorists hired by the Hawala.
How does it end? (setup / payoff).
Cliffhanger – Priya unlocks a secret vault behind her father’s bookshelf which has the same symbol as the one on the ledger – that belongs to an ancient secret society that controls global wealth and power. At the secret society headquarters, Priya is being watched and her father is still alive!

• Credibility questions What have you done?
I’m a screenwriter with more than eight paid writing assignments in the last four years and a series pilot I co-wrote is in pre-production in the UK.

Comps: Hawala Ledger is "Money Heist meets Mr. Robot." It combines the intricate, high-stakes heist elements of "Money Heist" with the conspiracy-driven intrigue of "Mr. Robot" What makes it different is its focus on the ancient algorithm and the Hawala network, adding layers of mathematical genius and underground finance.

Why this? The concept of the Hawala network and its secretive nature offers a fresh and thrilling backdrop for a heist drama.

Why now? In an era where financial secrecy and global wealth disparity are hot topics, this series taps into current socio-economic tensions.

Why me? With a proven track record in writing female-led thrillers and a series pilot in pre-production, I bring the necessary expertise and unique perspective to this project.

Thank you for your time. I'm excited to bring "Hawala Ledger" to life and believe it will captivate audiences with its unique blend of heist thrills and intellectual intrigue.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Query Letter

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to create compelling hooks and a query letter that is short and well-written. I added credibility through my bio and a simple request with contact info for the producers.”

QUERY LETTER VERSION 2

Dear [Producer first name],

I really like the concept of your show “TITLE” and thought you might be interested to take a look at my latest one-hour thriller titled “HAWALA LEDGER.” Its MONEY HEIST meets MR. ROBOT.

Below is the synopsis. Let me know what you think.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to share the TV Bible / Pilot.

Sunil Pappu

Title: Hawala Ledger
Genre: One-hour Heist Thriller Serial

There’s only one way to save the world of finance – a heist!

A daredevil math prodigy Priya’s routine class assignment turns out to be a test for a dangerous, unsanctioned operation by a rogue intelligence agent Arjun to steal a secret Ledger from the underworld banking network, the Hawala that seeks to control global wealth and power. Priya quickly discovers that she can trust no one, as each teammate harbors secrets. Their infiltration attempts fail, and the team realizes there is a mole among them. Meanwhile…

… Priya and her father are kidnapped by RAW agents!

Under duress, Priya betrays her team to save her father, only to be rescued by Arjun moments before the safehouse explodes, killing her father. Arjun believes her father was one of Hawala’s founders, but she needs to go deeper into the dangerous world of Hawala to uncover the truth and time is running out as the Ledger is up for sale. She survives a terror attack on the Bombay Stock Exchange to steal the ledger and stumbles into her father’s secret vault with a symbol on the wall that matches the one on the stolen Ledger.

Is Priya the hero or the coder of global chaos?

Episode Structure: Throughout the season, Priya grapples with her father's ominous legacy while trying to earn her team’s trust. Their quest to retrieve the ledger pitches the team not only against each other but against other cybercrime syndicates as well. With each code cracked and secret unearthed, the ledger's power looms, threatening global financial anarchy. Each heist brings them closer to the identity of Hawala’s true architects and Priya’s shocking connections to “The Kuber Circle.”

BIO: Sunil is a screenwriter who specializes in female-led thrillers and a finalist in several international screenwriting contests for both TV and film including BIG BREAK and ISC@JIFF. A series he co-wrote is currently in development for a TV network in the UK.

DIRECT INFO:
Phone: +91-9811828337
Email: sunilrpappu@orchidroomproductions.com
Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sunil-pappu-b7568439/
Website: https://orchidroomproductions.com/writers-room

CONTACT AGENT:

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Character Profiles Part 2

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to identify deeper levels of my character profiles and create complete character profiles for my leads.”

COMPLETE CHARACTER PROFILES

Character Name: Ria Sarkar
A. The High Concept: A female radio operator trained as a British spy is enlisted to intercept a top-secret cable between the US and Pakistan during the 1971 Indo-Pak war.
B. This character’s journey: Ria must navigate the male-dominated crew while fighting her fear of water and closed spaces to decode enemy messages. Her journey is about overcoming her past, proving her worth, and uncovering the truth about her father's tarnished legacy, ultimately preventing a devastating attack.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: to prove her worth in the rebel crew dominated by men and clear her father’s name for a botched operation in the ’65 war.

Character Profile:
1. Role in the Story: Protagonist – Radio operator, Former British Spy
2. Age range and Description: 28-32, a sharp and resilient woman with a determined look, often seen in practical attire suitable for her work.
3. Core Traits: Brilliant with an eye for detail, tenacious, skeptical, independent
4. Motivation:
• Want: To prove her worth in the intelligence field dominated by men and contribute significantly to her country's efforts.
• Need: To overcome her trauma and clear her father's name.
5. Wound: Haunted by her father's tarnished legacy and a childhood diving accident that left her with claustrophobia
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: caring, honest, respectful and good-looking; worried for her lonely mother, doubts her abilities, teased by her colleagues, bullied by authority figures; dangerous spy missions, guilt for the loss of her colleague, setup to fail, the only girl on board a male-dominated crew ship.
7. Character Subtext: Ria is a former spy and disgraced daughter who is undercover to find a traitor and restore her tarnished legacy.
o Hiding: Her true motivations for joining the mission.
o Secret: She’s investigating to find proof to exonerate her father.
o Being Polite: Maintains composure despite facing sexism and doubts from her crew.
o Plotting: Uses her keen observational skills to uncover the traitor within the crew.
o Afraid to say: her trauma from drowning accident; fear of water and closed spaces
8. Character Intrigue:
o Hidden agendas: discovering proof that her father was actually framed; to expose the traitor.
o Competition: with enemy radio operator who was her former colleague but joined Pakistan after partition
o Conspiracies: with Secy. Verma on planting false messages for the enemy to expose the traitor
o Secrets: past trauma affecting her work – fear of water and closed spaces
o Deception: to clear her father’s name and to expose the traitor within her team
o Unspoken Wound: deep-seated resentment or distrust towards authority figures, stemming from how her father was treated.
o Secret Identity: failed spy and disgraced daughter
9. Flaw: Can’t face her fears, Undervalues herself
10. Values: Integrity, perseverance, justice.
11. Character Dilemma: to face her fears vs personal quest for redemption

Character Name: Commander Vikram Singh

A. The High Concept: A Pakistan Naval Officer who deserted his ship and reluctantly joined the rebel crew but secretly plots for their mission to fail.

B. This character’s journey: Vikram’s journey is a descent into betrayal, as his disillusionment with the government and personal vendetta against the rebels drive him to commit treason.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: His hatred for the rebel forces led by the Muslim League for an Independent East Pakistan after losing his sister who joined them in the protests.

Character Profile:
1. Role in the Story: Antagonist – Tactical Commander of the rebel Naval crew, Traitor
2. Age range and Description: mid 30s, a charming and intelligent man with a deceptively trustworthy appearance.
3. Core Traits: Deceptive, charming, intelligent, persuasive.
4. Motivation:
• Want: To sabotage the mission for his own ideological beliefs.
• Need: To resolve his disillusionment with the government and personal vendetta.

5. Wound: Losing his sister to a rebel attack and disillusion from bureaucratic red tape
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: jovial, charming; puts people at ease; ideological motivations add complexity to him.
7. Character Subtext: Hides his deep hatred for the rebel forces and his true intentions.

o Lying: Maintains a facade of loyalty to the crew while plotting their failure.
o Withholding: Conceals his true ideological beliefs and intentions.
o Being Polite: Uses his charm to mislead others about his true agenda.
o Plotting: Carefully orchestrates events to ensure the mission’s failure without exposing himself.
8. Character Intrigue:
o Hidden agendas: to sabotage the mission
o Competition: with Ria to protect his identity
o Conspiracies: with Pakistani General to infiltrate the rebel forces as a double agent
o Secrets: his true ideological beliefs; death of his sister
o Deception: apparent defection to the rebels is a ruse to infiltrate them; secretly communicates with Pakistani general and frogmen to sink the ship
o Unspoken Wound: personal vendetta against the rebel forces
o Secret Identity: traitor
9. Flaw: Over-confidence, deep-seated hatred and inability to trust others.
10. Values: Ideological purity, personal vendetta.
11. Character Dilemma: personal vendetta vs sabotaging the mission

Character Name: Captain Anirudh Desai

A. The High Concept: The captain serves as a foil to Ria, embodying the traditionalist views she must overcome. . His leadership and experience are crucial to the story's authenticity in the military setting.

B. This character’s journey: Captain Desai's journey involves reconciling his own past failures with the mission at hand. His initial resistance to Ria evolves as he learns to respect her abilities and confronts his own prejudices.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: His authoritative nature is challenged by Ria's presence, causing internal conflict and growth. His misogynistic views and commanding presence add complexity to his character.

Character Profile:

1. Role in the Story: Connecting Character – Ship's Captain, MV Padma
2. Age range and Description: late 30s, a rugged and authoritative man with a weathered face and a rock-n-roll guy who begrudges being called away from his beach vacation to navigate a ship that was decommissioned.
3. Core Traits: Commanding, meticulous, weathered, misogynistic
4. Motivation:
• Want: To lead his crew successfully through the mission.
• Need: To overcome his past failures and accept Ria's competence.
5. Wound: Haunted by a past mission where his decision cost lives and his recent divorce is a sore point where Ria becomes the target of his wrath against women.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: enjoys his rock and roll off duty, cancelled a vacation he planned a long time to get on a job that has little merit; his recent divorce and struggle with past failures and evolving respect for Ria adds depth and relatability.

7. Character Subtext: Hides his deep-seated guilt over the lost crew members.

o Withholding: His personal guilt and regrets from past missions.
o Afraid to Say: His doubts about Ria's capabilities and the mission's success.
o Lying: Projects confidence and authority, masking his internal uncertainty.
o Being Polite: Suppresses his true feelings about Ria to maintain professional decorum.
8. Character Intrigue:
o Hidden agendas: to get Ria taken off his ship/mission; seek redemption for being passed up for promotion.
o Competition: with Ria for challenging his authority; for recognition driving his decisions during the mission
o Conspiracies: higher-ups want him to fail this mission so he can be put out to pasture and save them the embarrassment.
o Secrets: lost crew in a previous mission due to negligence.
o Deception: lied about his role to avoid a court martial.
o Unspoken Wound: cheated on by his fiancé he now rages against all women.
o Secret Identity: Wounded authoritarian
9. Flaw: Cowardice, misogynistic views and inflexibility.
10. Values: Winning, Fame, Discipline
11. Character Dilemma: Reconciling his traditional views with the changing dynamics of his crew and Ria's presence.

Character Name: Lieutenant Rehman Khan

A. The High Concept: Rehman wants to be on the right side of this war and fight for a free Bangladesh.

B. This character’s journey: from a reckless adventurist to a selfless freedom fighter and martyr

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: Believes and trusts Ria to risk his life to fulfill his mission even at the cost of disobeying his superior officer Vikram. A daring diver and rebel who's both heroic and impulsive offers an exhilarating, action-packed role.

Character Profile:

1. Role in the Story: Triangle Character – Diver, Rebel Naval Crew
1. Age range and Description: 25-30, a physically robust man with an impulsive streak who is afraid to talk to girls.
2. Core Traits: Brave, impulsive, physically robust, somewhat reckless.
3. Motivation:
• Want: To fight for a free Bangladesh and live up to his war-hero brother's legacy.
• Need: To overcome his survivor's guilt and prove his worth.
4. Wound: Survivor's guilt from not joining the frontlines with his family.
5. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: brave, physically robust; the black sheep of his family; reckless and dangerous job as a diver.
7. Character Subtext: Lieutenant Rehman Khan is a guilt-ridden survivor who dangerously seeks redemption on the battlefield.

o Fear: of not being as heroic as his brother.
o Hiding: His deep-seated survivor’s guilt.
o Luring/Seducing: Attempts to draw others into his daring plans.
o Secret: Feels inadequate compared to the heroics of his family.
o Plotting: Takes risks to prove his worth and validate his place in the war.
8. Character Intrigue:
o Hidden agendas: to die a war hero
o Competition: with others on the crew for leading the dive team; to outdo his brother’s legacy.
o Conspiracies: with crew to disobey the captains’ orders.
o Secrets: barely made the cut to quality as a diver
o Deception: lies to save commander Vikram and his crew for safe passage to India
o Unspoken Wound: deep-seated survivor’s guilt
o Secret Identity: rebel/freedom fighter
9. Flaw: Overdoing things – recklessness and impulsiveness can endanger the mission.
10. Values: Courage, loyalty, freedom.
11. Character Dilemma: reckless excitement vs caution

Character Name: Secretary Arjun Varma

A. The High Concept: his top secret mission if successful can give legitimacy for his country to support the war and help establish his legacy with his unconventional methods.

B. This character’s journey: Varma's journey is about redemption and leadership, guiding Ria and the team through the treacherous mission while confronting his past failures.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: His strategic mind and compassion, combined with a strong sense of patriotism, make him the moral compass of the team and an anchor for Ria.

Character Profile:

1. Role in the Story: Mentor/Head of Special Frontier Forces, R&AW
2. Age range and Description: 50-55, a stoic and strategic man with a compassionate demeanor. Not afforded the respect he deserves in the corridors of power, but his out-of-the-box thinking is everyone’s envy.
3. Core Traits: Strategic, patriotic, stoic, compassionate.
4. Motivation:
• Want: To ensure the success of the mission and protect his team.
• Need: To redeem himself for past failures and guide Ria.
5. Wound: for losing men in the previous war due to misinformation
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: kind, compassionate and forgiving; the nerd who doesn’t get the credit he deserves; this is his last chance to establish his legacy in the corridors of power. His dedication to his team and patriotic values make him a likable mentor figure.
7. Character Subtext: Secretary Arjun Varma is a burdened leader who manipulates behind the scenes to protect his team and accomplish the mission.

o Withholding: Keeps critical information to himself to manage the mission's direction.
o Lying: Presents certain truths to motivate his team, especially Ria.
o Being Polite: Maintains a stoic, supportive facade to bolster team morale.
o Plotting: Pulls the strings from the background, ensuring each piece moves according to his broader strategy.
8. Character Intrigue:
o Hidden agendas: Guerilla tactics to support rebel forces for an independent Bangladesh; using the success of the mission to leverage political power or secure a legacy overshadowed by his predecessors.
o Competition: in a silent but deadly bureaucratic war with other officials including Chief Advisor who underestimate or sabotage his unconventional methods.
o Conspiracies: with Ria to expose a traitor
o Secrets: Ria’s father sacrificed his reputation to save the mission
o Deception: lied to Ria about her father to motivate her
o Unspoken Wound: guilt over losing his men including Ria’s father due to misinformation
o Secret Identity: Key strategic general in the unconventional war efforts
9. Flaw: His guilt and overprotectiveness can cloud his judgment.
10. Values: Patriotism, leadership, trust. Getting the job done. Capability.
11. Character Dilemma: protective instincts vs allowing Ria to take risks.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Character Profiles Part 1

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to create character profiles for my lead characters based on their role in the concept, their journey and their actor attractors.”

Character Name: Ria Sarkar

A. The High Concept: A female radio operator trained as a British spy is enlisted to intercept a top-secret cable between the US and Pakistan during the 1971 Indo-Pak war.
B. This character’s journey: Ria must navigate the male-dominated crew while fighting her fear of water and closed spaces to decode enemy messages. Her journey is about overcoming her past, proving her worth, and uncovering the truth about her father's tarnished legacy, ultimately preventing a devastating attack.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: to prove her worth in the rebel crew dominated by men and clear her father’s name for a botched operation in the ’65 war.

Character Profile:
1. Role in the Story: Protagonist – Radio operator, Former British Spy
2. Age range and Description: In her 30s, she is a petite girl that can still turn heads on the street but would rather be noticed for her sharp intellect.
3. Core Traits: Brilliant with an eye for detail, tenacious, skeptical, independent
4. Motivation: Want/Need: to clear her father’s legacy; to prove herself
5. Wound: death of her father and distrust of authority figures and; a childhood trauma fromva diving accident
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: caring, honest, respectful and good-looking; worried for her lonely mother, doubts her abilities, teased by her colleagues, bullied by authority figures; dangerous spy missions, guilt for the loss of her colleague, setup to fail, the only girl on board a male-dominated crew ship.

Character Name: Commander Vikram Singh

A. The High Concept: A Pakistan Naval Officer who deserted his ship and reluctantly joined the rebel crew but secretly plots for their mission to fail.

B. This character’s journey: Vikram’s journey is a descent into betrayal, as his disillusionment with the government and personal vendetta against the rebels drive him to commit treason.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: His hatred for the rebel forces led by the Muslim League for an Independent East Pakistan after losing his sister who joined them in the protests.

Character Profile:
1. Role in the Story: Antagonist – Tactical Commander of the rebel Naval crew, Traitor
2. Age range and Description: In his 30s, tall and slim with a beard with charming good looks that hide his sinister intentions.
3. Core Traits: Deceptive, charming, intelligent, persuasive, appears trustworthy.
4. Motivation: Want/Need: for the mission to fail; to get his personal vendetta
5. Wound: Losing his sister to a rebel attack and disillusion from bureaucratic red tape
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: jovial, charming; puts people at ease; he’s going to be a refugee in his own country

Character Name: Captain Anirudh Desai

A. The High Concept: The captain serves as a foil to Ria, embodying the traditionalist views she must overcome. . His leadership and experience are crucial to the story's authenticity in the military setting.

B. This character’s journey: Captain Desai's journey involves reconciling his own past failures with the mission at hand. His initial resistance to Ria evolves as he learns to respect her abilities and confronts his own prejudices.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: His authoritative nature is challenged by Ria's presence, causing internal conflict and growth. His misogynistic views and commanding presence add complexity to his character.

Character Profile:
1. Role in the Story: Connecting Character – Ship's Captain, MV Padma
2. Age range and Description: in his late 30s, he’s a rock-n-roll guy who begrudges being called away from his beach vacation to navigate a ship that was decommissioned.
3. Core Traits: Commanding, meticulous, weathered, misogynistic
4. Motivation: Want/Need: to lead his crew to a successful uneventful mission; to show Ria is unfit for the job on high seas
5. Wound: He carries the burden of a previous mission where he had to make a call that cost the lives of several crew members, which still haunts him. His recent divorce is a sore point where Ria becomes the target of his wrath against women.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: enjoys his rock and roll off duty, cancelled a vacation he planned a long time to get on a job that has little merit; his recent divorce and guilt from the loss of his men in a previous mission

Character Name: Lieutenant Rehman Khan

A. The High Concept: Rehman wants to be on the right side of this war and fight for a free Bangladesh.

B. This character’s journey: from a reckless adventurist to a selfless freedom fighter and martyr

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: Believes and trusts Ria to risk his life to fulfill his mission even at the cost of disobeying his superior officer Vikram. A daring diver and rebel who's both heroic and impulsive offers an exhilarating, action-packed role.

Character Profile:
1. Role in the Story: Triangle Character – Diver, Rebel Naval Crew
2. Age range and Description: in his late 20s, a strong and muscular diver who is afraid to talk to girls but opens up to Ria.
3. Core Traits: Brave, impulsive, charismatic, physically robust, somewhat reckless.
4. Motivation: Want/Need: craves adrenaline and dangerous missions; seeks to live up to his war-hero brother.
5. Wound: Suffers from survivor’s guilt after being the only one in his family to not have joined the frontlines, feeling he has yet to earn his stripes.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: brave, charismatic, physically robust; the black sheep of his family; reckless and dangerous job as a diver.

Character Name: Secretary Arjun Varma

A. The High Concept: his top secret mission if successful can give legitimacy for his country to support the war and help establish his legacy with his unconventional methods.

B. This character’s journey: Varma's journey is about redemption and leadership, guiding Ria and the team through the treacherous mission while confronting his past failures.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character: His strategic mind and compassion, combined with a strong sense of patriotism, make him the moral compass of the team and an anchor for Ria.

Character Profile:
1. Role in the Story: Mentor/Head of Special Frontier Forces, R&AW
2. Age range and Description: in his 50s, his physique doesn’t afford the respect he deserves in the corridors of power but his out-of-the-box thinking is everyone’s envy.
3. Core Traits: Strategic, patriotic, stoic, compassionate.
4. Motivation: Want/Need: duty to his country; to protect his team and mission
5. Wound: for losing men in the previous war due to misinformation
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: kind, compassionate and forgiving; the nerd who doesn’t get the credit he deserves; this is his last chance to establish his legacy in the corridors of power.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… is to create likability, relatability and empathy for my characters so the audience can feel deeply connected to them.”

Protagonist: Ria – Radio operator, Spy

SCENE: Ria calls her mother to wish her on Mother’s Day and her mother tell her it would be nice to see her in person now that she’s all alone in the world after she believes the country took her husband from her and disgraced him and she fears they will do the same to her daughter. She wants her to quit her job and come home. She has nothing to prove to anyone.
• Likability: Ria remembers to wish her widowed mother on Mother’s Day before she is called into Secy. Verma’s office.
• Relatability: Remembering to call our mom when we are busy at work.
• Empathy: Her mother agonizes about her dangerous spy missions and we empathize with her.

SCENE: Secy. Verma believes in her and gives her a top-secret mission, but she has doubts if she’s the right person for the job after her last mission which ended in loss of a colleague.
• Likability: She is honest and looks up to Secy. Verma as her mentor.
• Relatability: Her doubts about her abilities
• Empathy: We feel her pain and guilt for losing her colleague

SCENE: Her male colleagues ridicule her for getting a punishment posting. A top-secret mission that takes her away from the frontlines of impending war.
• Likability: She is respectful and shares excitedly about her new mission.
• Relatability: Male colleagues make fun of her and put doubts in her mind about the true nature of her mission.
• Empathy: A young woman trying to navigate a male-dominated world.

SCENE: She is met with a cold reception by a misogynist captain who thinks this mission is a waste of his time and Ria is unfit for the high seas.
• Likability: Ria meets the rebel crew and is mistaken for the captain’s daughter and instantly connects with a young diver who apologises for the insensitivity of his friends.
• Relatability: Captain shouts order and makes it known who’s boss and derides Ria publicly before they board his ship.
• Empathy: Ria is going to be the only woman on board a ship whose captain is a misogynist who doesn’t believe in her mission. She’s already being setup to fail before her mission can begin.

Antagonist: Cdr. Vikram – Tactical Commander of the rebel Naval crew, Traitor

SCENE: Cdr. Vikram waits to meet Ria at a tea stall behind Fort William. He is jovial and charming and puts her at ease. He gives her the coordinates for their rebel base to begin their mission the next day. He thanks her country for helping them in their freedom struggle especially her before heading back to his hideout.
• Likability: He is jovial and charming
• Relatability: nervous to meet new people especially on an important assignment
• Empathy: he’s hiding out in a rundown shelter as a refugee while courageously trying to fight and win his country’s freedom struggle.

After his rendezvous, he sends out a cryptic message “the palanquin sways. Reception tom 0600 hrs,” through a makeshift ham radio on a secret frequency to his handler in Pakistan.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to create a high concept using hooks and have an elevator pitch ready.”

My High Concept hooks:

• Dilemma
To know the truth about her father a math prodigy goes up against a secret society that controls global wealth and power.
• Main Conflict
A math prodigy goes up against the underground Hawala network backed by a powerful secret society to steal a ledger that contains ancient secrets to control global wealth and power while being hunted by RAW intelligence agents.
• What’s at stake?
A heist team of master thieves steal a ledger containing ancient secrets to control global wealth and power during a terror attack on the Bombay Stock Exchange.
• Goal/Unique Opposition
How do you steal a mythical ledger protected by an ancient secret society that controls global wealth and power?

My Elevator Pitch:

I am shopping my latest TV series, a heist thriller that answers the question, how do you steal a mythical ledger protected by an ancient secret society that controls global wealth and power and it’s called Hawala Ledger.

AI VERSIONS:

Here are five different pitch versions for your one-hour heist thriller TV series, each incorporating the essential elements you've outlined:

1. "A math prodigy and RAW agents penetrate the shadowy Hawala network to steal a ledger that could upend the global financial order." (Comps: Mr. Robot, Sneaky Pete)
2. "Undercover in the unregulated depths of finance, a young genius and seasoned thieves target a secret society’s ancient ledger to avert global chaos." (Comps: Billions, The Blacklist)
3. "In a high-stakes heist against a clandestine financial empire, a math prodigy must outsmart a secret society that has shaped economies for centuries." (Comps: Money Heist, Scorpion)
4. "A terrorist attack at the Bombay Stock Exchange is just the beginning for a math prodigy's journey into a criminal underworld governed by an ancient ledger." (Comps: 24, Quantico)
5. "A covert team led by a math genius aims to dismantle a shadowy financial network by stealing its power source: a centuries-old ledger." (Comps: Heist, Ocean's Eight)

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Synopsis Hooks

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to create my synopsis using hooks.”

Hooks I used from 10 COM:

A. Unique – a heist that can save the banking world as we know it.
B. Great Title – Hawala Ledger (Hawala is a household name everyone in India is familiar with as an alternative banking system that is usually linked to the underworld, big scams and terror financing. The ledger is meant to hold ancient secrets to wealth and power passed on through generations by the secret Society called “The Kuber Circle”)
F. Ultimate – “The Kuber Circle” named after the god of wealth “Kubera” in Hindu Mythology, is an ancient secret society like the Knights Templars, Freemasons or the Illuminati that has been passed down the ages a ledger of secrets that control the world through the power and influence of money – the shylocks of ancient India and guardians of financial secrets of the world.
J. A great role for a bankable actor – a math prodigy who is also a badass and the heir to a powerful secret society.

Hooks I used from 10 MIT:
A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
A math prodigy joins a team of RAW agents and thieves on a heist for a secret ledger.
B. Major hook of your opening scene?
Priya survives a terrorist attack at the Bombay Stock exchange and steals a ledger from its secret vault.
C. Any turning points?
Priya and her father are held in a RAW safehouse after their house is surrounded by RAW agents.
Priya finds out her father is rumored to be one of the OGs of the Hawala network
Priya loses her father when a RAW Safehouse they are being held blows up.
A terrorist attack is the decoy for a ledger sale by the Hawala network
Priya survives the attack and steals the ledger…
D. Emotional dilemma?
To find out the truth about her father she must go deeper into the dangerous world of the Hawala.
H. Or any big surprises?
Priya discovers a secret room with the symbol used by the secret Society “The Kuber Circle” hidden behind her father’s bookshelf.
A mysterious woman from the secret society saves her father’s life – could it be her mother?

Title: Hawala Ledger / The Kuber Circle
Genre: One-hour Heist Thriller Series

There’s only one way to save the world of finance – a heist!

A daredevil math prodigy Priya reluctantly joins a team of master thieves led by a rogue intelligence agent Arjun to steal a secret Ledger from the underworld banking network, the Hawala that wants to control global wealth and power. Priya the rookie quickly finds out she can trust no one. Each of her teammates is hiding something. Their attempts to infiltrate the Hawala network fail and…

… the heist team has a mole!

Priya and her father are kidnapped from their home and taken to a RAW safehouse to be interrogated. Priya gives up her team to save her father only to be rescued by Arjun before the safehouse blows up, killing him.

Priya finds out her father was one of the founders of Hawala!

Priya needs to go deeper into the dangerous world of Hawala to uncover the truth about her father. But time is running out as the Ledger is up for sale. But first, she has to stop a terror attack on the Bombay stock exchange! Priya survives the attack to steal the ledger. She stumbles into her father’s secret vault with the symbol of a legendary society, “The Kuber Circle.”

What does the Ledger have to do with a mythical secret society?

And why are they keeping her father alive?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Character Intrigue

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to brainstorm ways to create character intrigue.

• Character Name: Ria Sarkar
• Role: Protagonist – Radio operator, Former British Spy
• Hidden agendas: discovering proof that her father was actually framed; to expose the traitor.
• Competition: with enemy radio operator who was her former colleague but joined Pakistan after partition
• Conspiracies: with Secy. Verma on planting false messages for the enemy to expose the traitor
• Secrets: past trauma affecting her work – fear of water and closed spaces
• Deception: to clear her father’s name and to expose the traitor within her team
• Unspoken Wound: deep-seated resentment or distrust towards authority figures, stemming from how her father was treated.
• Secret Identity: failed spy and disgraced daughter

• Character Name: Commander Vikram Singh
• Role: Antagonist – Tactical Commander of the rebel Naval crew, Traitor
• Hidden agendas: to sabotage the mission
• Competition: with Ria to protect his identity
• Conspiracies: with Pakistani General to infiltrate the rebel forces as a double agent
• Secrets: his true ideological beliefs; death of his sister
• Deception: apparent defection to the rebels is a ruse to infiltrate them; secretly communicates with Pakistani general and frogmen to sink the ship
• Unspoken Wound: personal vendetta against the rebel forces
• Secret Identity: traitor

• Character Name: Captain Anirudh Desai
Role: Ship’s Captain, MV Padma
• Hidden agendas: to get Ria taken off his ship/mission; seek redemption for being passed up for promotion.
• Competition: with Ria for challenging his authority; for recognition driving his decisions during the mission
• Conspiracies: higher-ups want him to fail this mission so he can be put out to pasture and save them the embarrassment.
• Secrets: lost crew in a previous mission due to negligence.
• Deception: lied about his role to avoid a court martial.
• Unspoken Wound: cheated on by his fiancé he now rages against all women.
• Secret Identity: Wounded authoritarian

• Character Name: Lieutenant Rehman Khan
• Role: Diver, Rebel Naval Crew
• Hidden agendas: to die a war hero
• Competition: with others on the crew for leading the dive team; to outdo his brother’s legacy.
• Conspiracies: with crew to disobey the captains’ orders.
• Secrets: barely made the cut to quality as a diver
• Deception: lies to save commander Vikram and his crew for safe passage to India
• Unspoken Wound: deep-seated survivor’s guilt
• Secret Identity: rebel/freedom fighter

• Character Name: Secretary Arjun Varma
• Role: Mentor/Head of Special Frontier Forces, R&AW
Hidden agendas: Guerilla tactics to support rebel forces for an independent Bangladesh; using the success of the mission to leverage political power or secure a legacy overshadowed by his predecessors.
Competition: in a silent but deadly bureaucratic war with other officials including Chief Advisor who underestimate or sabotage his unconventional methods.
• Conspiracies: with Ria to expose a traitor
• Secrets: Ria’s father sacrificed his reputation to save the mission
• Deception: lied to Ria about her father to motivate her
• Unspoken Wound: guilt over losing his men including Ria’s father due to misinformation
• Secret Identity: Key strategic general in the unconventional war efforts

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s 10 Most Interesting Things

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to identify the big picture 10 most interesting things in my pilot and series.”

10 MOST INTERESTING THINGS

A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
A math prodigy joins a team of RAW agents and thieves on a heist for a secret ledger.
The head of the Hawala network wants to take over the financial markets through a secret ledger.
A secret society has been controlling the financial world and an ancient ledger is the key to its power.

B. Major hook of your opening scene?
Priya survives a terrorist attack at the Bombay Stock exchange and steals a ledger from its secret vault.

C. Any turning points?
Priya is kidnapped from her university and forced to join the heist team led by a RAW agent who she thought was her professor.
Priya and her father are held in a RAW safehouse after their house is surrounded by RAW agents.
Priya finds out her father is rumored to be one of the OGs of the Hawala network
Priya loses her father when a RAW Safehouse they are being held blows up.
A terrorist attack is the decoy for a ledger sale by the Hawala network
Priya survives the attack and steals the ledger…

D. Emotional dilemma?
To find out the truth about her father she must go deeper into the dangerous world of the Hawala.

E. Major twists?
Arjun is the stoic leader of the heist team but he has PTSD from a failed terror attack where he lost his sister.

F. Reversals?
Sofia’s twin sister is not a victim… she’s Raghav’s right-hand person in the Hawala.
The secret society set up an elaborate ruse… Priya was meant to steal the ledger.
Harsh regrets losing Arjun’s sister as much as him because he was in love with her.

G. Character betrayals?
Meera is secretive about her Tinder date… who is an old rival who hacks into her system to expose her past.
Sofia will do anything to find her twin sister… even betray her own team
Mandeep is not just a surveillance expert… he’s tasked by RAW superiors to identify a mole.
Mandeep is heartbroken to find out Sofia is the mole… but he covers up by erasing evidence.
Arjun blames Harsh for the loss of his sister.

H. Or any big surprises?
Priya discovers a secret room with the symbol used by the secret Society “The Kuber Circle” hidden behind her father’s bookshelf.
A mysterious woman from the secret society saves her father’s life – could it be her mother?
The ledger Priya recovered is not complete… because it is broken up into digital crypto pieces.
Priya is the successor the secret society has been grooming since childhood.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Subtext Characters

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…to identify the subtext traits and possible areas of subtext and create a subtext logline and subtext identity for my characters.”

Example:
• Movie Title: Greyhound
• Character Name: Captain Ernest Krause
• Subtext Identity: The new boss
• Subtext Trait: God fearing/undeserving.
• Subtext Logline: Captain Krause is the new boss who is god-fearing on his first command
• Possible Areas of Subtext: does grace before any meal, forgives two crew members who fight on board, holds a funeral reading from the bible for the lost crew in the middle of a battle, barely touches his food except for coffee, stands on his feet until his feet bleed and still continues with a change of footwear.

My Project:
• Movie Title: The Sinking Line
• Character Name: Ria Sarkar
• Subtext Identity: former spy and daughter of a disgraced Naval officer
• Subtext Trait: Undercover, victim
• Subtext Logline: Ria is a former spy and daughter of a disgraced Naval officer who is undercover to find a traitor and restore her tarnished legacy.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: Ria takes on an impossible mission everyone else rejects, faces her worst fears, gets humiliated and insulted by the misogynistic Captain, loses her only friend and is blamed for his death, fights the traitor and saves the day.

• Movie Title: The Sinking Line
• Character Name: Commander Vikram Singh
• Subtext Identity: The con
• Subtext Trait: Charming, Treacherous
• Subtext Logline: Commander Vikram is a con who uses his charm to lure the captain while betraying his crew and mission.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: Joins his crew to infiltrate the rebel forces, builds camaraderie with the captain, stages the death of the diver Lt. Rehman, helps Pakistani frogmen sabotage the ship with mines, fights Ria to stop her from intercepting the undersea cable transmission.

• Movie Title: The Sinking Line
• Character Name: Captain Anirudh Desai
• Subtext Identity: A captain who doesn’t believe Ria deserves to be on his ship
• Subtext Trait: Misogyny
• Subtext Logline: Captain Anirudh Desai is a misogynist who doesn’t believe Ria deserves to be on his ship but eventually admires and respects her.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: training drill which Ria refuses to do, sides with Commander Vikram against Ria’s tactics, Blames Ria for the death of the diver, unwittingly allows frogmen to rig mines to sink the ship, orders crew to abandon ship, acknowledges Ria’s bravery and offers her the command.

• Movie Title: The Sinking Line
• Character Name: Lt. Rehman Khan
• Subtext Identity: Diver who has not earned his stripes
• Subtext Trait: not worthy, seeks danger
• Subtext Logline: Lt. Rehman Khan is a diver who wants to live up to his family legacy of war heroes on the frontlines.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: undertakes a dangerous dive, sacrifices himself to save Ria and the mission.

• Movie Title: The Sinking Line
• Character Name: Secy. Arjun Verma
• Subtext Identity: master strategist whose unconventional methods are scorned
• Subtext Trait: Evasive, Manipulative
• Subtext Logline: Secy. Arjun Verma is a master strategist whose unconventional methods are unpopular and this mission is his last chance to succeed or give in to his superiors.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: secret mission that has a low chance of success, manipulates Ria by withholding her father’s true legacy, successfully completes his mission and saves lives.

AI VERSION:

Ria Sarkar
• Subtext Identity: Disgraced Daughter
• Subtext Trait: Internally conflicted
• Subtext Logline: Ria Sarkar is a disgraced daughter who secretly seeks redemption for her father’s tarnished legacy while masking her personal fears.
• Areas of Subtext:
• Hiding: Her true motivations for joining the mission.
• Secret: She’s investigating to find proof to exonerate her father.
• Being Polite: Maintains composure despite facing sexism and doubts from her crew.
• Plotting: Uses her keen observational skills to uncover the traitor within the crew.
Captain Anirudh Desai
• Subtext Identity: Regretful Commander
• Subtext Trait: Concealing vulnerability
• Subtext Logline: Captain Desai is a regretful commander who hides his past failures and doubts about his current mission under a harsh exterior.
• Areas of Subtext:
• Withholding: His personal guilt and regrets from past missions.
• Afraid to Say: His doubts about Ria's capabilities and the mission's success.
• Lying: Projects confidence and authority, masking his internal uncertainty.
• Being Polite: Suppresses his true feelings about Ria to maintain professional decorum.
Lieutenant Rehman Khan
• Subtext Identity: Guilt-ridden Survivor
• Subtext Trait: Recklessly brave
• Subtext Logline: Lieutenant Rehman Khan is a guilt-ridden survivor who dangerously seeks redemption on the battlefield.
• Areas of Subtext:
• Hiding: His deep-seated survivor’s guilt.
• Luring/Seducing: Attempts to draw others into his daring plans.
• Secret: Feels inadequate compared to the heroics of his family.
• Plotting: Takes risks to prove his worth and validate his place in the war.
Commander Vikram Singh
• Subtext Identity: Disillusioned Patriot
• Subtext Trait: Deceptively charming
• Subtext Logline: Commander Vikram Singh is a disillusioned patriot who secretly sabotages the mission he outwardly leads.
• Areas of Subtext:
• Lying: Maintains a facade of loyalty to the crew while plotting their failure.
• Withholding: Conceals his true ideological beliefs and intentions.
• Being Polite: Uses his charm to mislead others about his true agenda.
• Plotting: Carefully orchestrates events to ensure the mission’s failure without exposing himself.
Secretary Arjun Varma
• Subtext Identity: Burdened Leader
• Subtext Trait: Strategically opaque
• Subtext Logline: Secretary Arjun Varma is a burdened leader who manipulates behind the scenes to protect his team and accomplish the mission.
• Areas of Subtext:
• Withholding: Keeps critical information to himself to manage the mission's direction.
• Lying: Presents certain truths to motivate his team, especially Ria.
• Being Polite: Maintains a stoic, supportive facade to bolster team morale.
• Plotting: Pulls the strings from the background, ensuring each piece moves according to his broader strategy.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Producer/Manager

“What I learned today is… to what producers need and managers want. I also learnt to pitch my project and myself to both based on their needs and wants.”

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
PITCH 1: HI I’m Sunil, a writer-producer who specializes in female-led thrillers. My latest TV project is a heist thriller that answers the question: what would happen if a math prodigy joins a heist to penetrate an underground banking system to steal an ancient ledger protected by a secret society that controls the financial world.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?

PITCH 2: Hi I’m Sunil, a writer-producer who specializes in female-led thrillers. I’ve written five screenplays and three TV pilots on spec. I’ve also done eight writing assignments in the last four years and a series I co-wrote is in development in the UK for a TV network. My latest TV project is a heist thriller that answers the question: what would happen if a math prodigy joins a heist to penetrate an underground banking system to steal an ancient ledger protected by a secret society that controls the financial world.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Marketable Components

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to elevate my project marketability using the 10 components.”

Concept: A math prodigy joins a heist to penetrate an underground banking system to steal an ancient ledger protected by a secret society that controls the financial world.

10 Components of Marketability:
• A. Unique – a heist that can save the banking world as we know it.
• B. Great Title – Hawala Ledger (Hawala is a household name everyone in India is familiar with as an alternative banking system that is usually linked to the underworld, big scams and terror financing. The ledger is meant to hold ancient secrets to wealth and power passed on through generations by the secret Society called “The Kuber Circle”)
• C. True – N/A
• D. Timely — in a time of digital payment apps with fiat currency no longer in vogue and the risk and fall of crypto, Hawala is still a very successful form of banking that runs the underworld and has never been fully explored.
• E. It’s a first – “Hundi” is the first IOU of ancient India that might hold the clues for a new banking system in a digital age. This series explores this theme as the heist team hunts for the ledger that holds these ancient secrets.
• F. Ultimate – “The Kuber Circle” named after the god of wealth “Kubera” in Hindu Mythology, is an ancient secret society like the Knights Templars, Freemasons or the Illuminati that has been passed down the ages a ledger of secrets that control the world through the power and influence of money – the shylocks of ancient India and guardians of financial secrets of the world.
• G. Wide audience appeal – Financial crimes and heist series have a wide appeal, especially with youth who have big dreams of becoming rich and powerful quickly.
• H. Adapted from a popular book – N/A
• I. Similarity to a box-office success – Mr Robot meets Money Heist
• J. A great role for a bankable actor – a math prodigy who is also a badass and the heir to a powerful secret society.
Priya: an engaging newbie/nerdy/badass
Raghav: ruthless and cunning Hawala leader AKA The Hyena
Arjun: intelligent and cunning mastermind AKA Raven
Meera: genius hacker AKA Ghost
Sofia: master of disguise AKA Chameleon
Mandeep: Shadow – expert in operating in the shadows
Lina: Oracle – who can foresee financial trends
Harsh: The Cobra – dangerous and ruthless enforcer

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Project and Market

“What I learned today is…to find the most attractive things about my story and define the market for my project.”

Title: Hawala Ledger
Format/Genre: One-Hour Heist Thriller Series
Concept: A math prodigy joins a heist to penetrate an underground banking system to steal an ancient ledger protected by a secret society that controls the financial world.

What’s most attractive about this story:
It’s a heist thriller that answers the question, what would happen if a math prodigy joins a heist to penetrate an underground banking system to steal an ancient ledger protected by a secret society that controls the financial world.

HOOK 1: How do you infiltrate a dangerous network that operates outside the regular financial system to find an ancient ledger that holds the secrets of the world’s economies?
HOOK 2: What will it take for a crew of international thieves to retrieve a coveted ledger which can topple governments and crash the financial world?
HOOK 3: How do you steal a mythical ledger from an organization that operates illegally outside the financial system without leaving paper trails?
HOOK 4: What if a rookie agent trying to bring down a powerful secret society is the prodigal daughter they have groomed to protect their ancient secrets to wealth and power?
HOOK 5: What if Money Heist meets Mr. Robot?

My market:

First Producers – who have credits on thriller series through IMDB/LinkedIn – an existing network of close to 4000 out of which 200 or so have responded to my previous projects.
Second Managers – my existing network of 200 out of which 10 or so have responded to previous projects – as I want to get repped to open doors to market the project to streamers and production companies and find a home for it.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Actor attractors!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to create actor attractors for each of my lead characters that are unique and exciting for actors to attach to the project.”

Genre: War Thriller
High Concept: A female radio operator trained as a British spy is enlisted to intercept a top-secret cable between the US and Pakistan during the 1971 Indo-Pak war.

Actor Attractors

Movie Title: THE SINKING LINE
Lead Character Name: Ria Sarkar
Role: Protagonist – Radio operator, Former British Spy

1. Actor notoriety
A female radio operator formerly trained as a British Spy who wants to prove herself as she deals with her father’s tarnished legacy and, her phobia of water and closed spaces.

2. Character that is most interesting in the movie
The irony of her fear of water and her mission to tap undersea cables where she has to dive underwater and fight a traitor. She successfully deciphers a top secret message to pinpoint the D-day of the enemy attack and saves countless lives during the Indo-Pak war of 1971.

3. Takes the most interesting actions in the story

She fails to execute a drill and faces the wrath of the misogynistic captain. She decodes the enemy’s plans and finds a traitor on board. She dives underwater to tap a secret enemy cable and fights the traitor in the deep ocean.

4. Outstanding Introduction

A failed spy mission introduces Ria as a skilled but emotionally scarred radio operator, overshadowed by her father's dishonor. She works in the shadows of R&AW, defined by her father's alleged betrayal. She joins a male-dominated Naval crew on a punishment posting no one wants to take for it’s a guaranteed failure and away from the real action as preparations for war are underway.

5. Character's emotional range

From depressed and suicidal to brave and brutal – she navigates a male-dominated world with grace. Her presence on the ship changes the dynamics as the crew is more civilized in her presence and feels obliged to sensor their language around her while she bottles up her emotions to hide her fear and insecurities.

6. Subtext the actor can play
She plays on the tension between her professional demeanor and her internal struggle with her father's legacy while hiding her real mission of exposing the traitor as he underestimates her.

7. Relationships that are interesting

Captain Desai – She has a love-hate relationship with the captain – who thinks his ship is no place for a girl but increasingly starts to admire her resilience and in the end even likes and respects her.

Commander Vikram – she reports to him but has been sent to expose him and he underestimates her and pays with his life.

Lt. Rehman – he respects her and is her only comrade on the crew who helps her overcome her fears and sacrifices his life to protect the mission.

Secy. Varma – he is her mentor and she will do anything for the success of his plan but in the end, she realises he lied about her father’s legacy and feels betrayed.

8. Unique voice expressed through dialogue and action
She is not a talker and chooses her words carefully and the crew feel the need to censor themselves in her presence. She is unafraid to break protocols and stand up to authority and mostly gets away with it.

9. Something truly special about this character
She Is aware of the sexism and misogyny on and off the ship is not afraid to speak her mind despite the consequences. Her ability to notice subtle details others miss, crucial in espionage, sets her apart.

Lead Character Name: Commander Vikram Singh
Role: Antagonist – Tactical Commander of the rebel Naval crew, Traitor

1. Actor notoriety
A charming and intelligent traitor who is ideologically opposed to the independence of Bangladesh but leads the rebel crew on a mission that he sabotages. Playing a charming yet treacherous commander is a chance to explore a complex villain.

2. Character that is most interesting in the movie
A Pakistan Naval Officer deserts his ship and reluctantly joins the rebel crew but secretly plots for their mission to fail. His duplicity and ideological motivations provide a rich, nuanced antagonist.

3. Takes the most interesting actions in the story

His covert sabotages and manipulations create suspense and conflict. He relays secret messages to the enemy. He kills the diver Lt. Rehman and lets Ria take the fall for it. He allows Pakistani frogmen to sabotage the ship and fights Ria to death underwater.

4. Outstanding Introduction
He abandons his ship in France along with his crew to seek passage back to India through Europe to infiltrate the rebel forces trained by Indian Intelligence agency RA&W on a secret mission.

5. Character's emotional range
He can swing from charismatic to sinister, allowing for a compelling portrayal. He is calm and persuasive while he plots against his own crew. He is brutal in his killing and appears trustworthy while carrying out his betrayal.
6. Subtext the actor can play

The contrast between his seeming loyalty and hidden betrayal adds layers of subtext. He wants personal vendetta for his sister and is constantly scheming while trying to gain the captain and crew’s trust.

7. Relationships that are interesting

Ria – she is the only one who can see through his subterfuge and he underestimates her to his own peril.

Lt. Rehman – he represents everything that he hates about the rebel forces and he constantly undermines him until he kills him in a staged accident.

Captain Desai –wins his trust and deceives him by sabotaging his ship and the mission.

8. Unique voice expressed through dialogue and action
Smooth and convincing, masking his true intentions with charm. His ideological differences are apparent when his actions don’t match his words.

9. Something truly special about this character
He is blinded by his vendetta and is used by the Pakistani military in the ultimate betrayal and deception. He believes that the rebel forces executed his family when in reality it is the Pakistani military he’s working for that massacred them in the genocide.

Lead Character Name: Anirudh Desai
Role: Ship's Captain, MV Padma

1. Actor notoriety
A male chauvinistic and charismatic ship captain who believes women are ill-suited for the high seas. He wrestles with his past and prejudices to undergo a genuine transformation.

2. Character that is most interesting in the movie
He is a misogynistic captain who has a change of heart when he encounters a strong female radio operator who challenges him and proves him wrong. His evolution from a stubborn skeptic to a supportive ally forms a compelling redemption arc.

3. Takes the most interesting actions in the story
He makes it his mission to prove that women are not fit to serve in the Navy and puts Ria through the wringer. His decision-making in critical confrontations and how he handles internal ship conflicts with authority.

4. Outstanding Introduction

Eager to go on his much-needed vacation his going away party is cut short when he’s called back into service to captain a ship that was decommissioned. A commanding entrance on the bridge of his ship, barking orders, instantly sets his authoritative tone.

5. Character's emotional range
Driven by ego and his traditional views he lashes out with rage and cruelty when his authority is challenged by a young girl. From dismissive and gruff to introspective and supportive.

6. Subtext the actor can play

He would rather be on a tropical beach than on a decommissioned ship with a crew that seems to be increasingly bordering on mutiny.

7. Relationships that are interesting

Ria – He thinks she’s unfit for the Naval mission but begins to admire her resilience, intelligence and loyalty in the end.

Lt. Rehman – treats him as a diver who he thinks are less than sea cadets and officers.

Commander Vikram – They share a good camaraderie and he gives him a wide berth but in the end, he is tricked by his treachery.

8. Unique voice expressed through dialogue and action
Even as he tries to be charming and sophisticated with his rich taste in rock music and American movies, his traditional views come through his actions and dialogue, especially towards the lower-level staff of the crew and Ria, the only woman on board. A weathered, authoritative tone, seasoned with occasional glimpses of vulnerability.

9. Something truly special about this character
His charisma and theatrics are a foil to his traditional and outdated views but in the end he is able to make a transformation when Ria proves each of his beliefs to be biased and false. His deeply ingrained sense of duty and evolving worldview make him a standout.

Lead Character Name: Lieutenant Rehman Khan
Role: Diver, Rebel Naval Crew

1. Actor notoriety
Lt. Rehman plays the real freedom fighter representing the courageous rebel forces that refused to be controlled by the dictatorial Pakistani military. A daring diver and rebel who's both heroic and impulsive offers an exhilarating, action-packed role.

2. Character that is most interesting in the movie
Rehman wants to be on the right side of this war and fight for a free Bangladesh. His bravery and recklessness make him a thrilling, unpredictable presence.

3. Takes the most interesting actions in the story
He joins the secret mission and gives his life for it. His underwater exploits and risky maneuvers during the mission are visually and dramatically engaging.

4. Outstanding Introduction
First seen in a daring underwater operation, establishing his skill and bravery. Lt. Rehman saves Commander Vikram’s life as they escape through Europe to reach India.

5. Character's emotional range
He is resigned to his position as a second-class seaman and is brave and courageous to fight the good fight. A mix of adrenaline-fueled excitement, deep-seated guilt, and earnest loyalty.
6. Subtext the actor can play
Even if I follow you in my actions I will never follow you in my heart. His internal battle with survivor’s guilt and his need to prove himself to his family.

7. Relationships that are interesting
Commander Vikram – saves his life and in return ends up being killed by him. He is constantly undermined and abused by Vikram but he follows his command unhesitatingly.

Ria – He encourages her to fight her fears and is willing to give his life to save her.

8. Unique voice expressed through dialogue and action

Energetic and slightly reckless, with a tinge of hidden sorrow. He is a dreamer and patriot whose passion for singing is legendary among his crew. What he cannot express in words or actions comes through in his songs.

9. Something truly special about this character

His youthful vigor and fearless approach to combat situations make him magnetic. His passion and belief in his cause are contagious and win over the crew who feel his loss and sacrifice, inspiring them to fight the enemy until the very end even as they are ordered to abandon the sinking ship by the Captain.

Lead Character Name: Secretary Arjun Varma
Role: Mentor/Head of Special Frontier Forces, R&AW

1. Actor notoriety
The RA&W chief whose unconventional methods and an unlikely gamble pay off.

2. Character that is most interesting in the movie
A progressive mentor who believes in Ria more than she herself does. His unlikely plan only works if every single one of the crew that he’s carefully assembled is true to themselves.

3. Takes the most interesting actions in the story

He tasks Commander Vikram with a top-secret mission while only Ria knows the real purpose.

4. Outstanding Introduction

He is given an ultimatum by the Chief Advisor to provide concrete intelligence on the enemy attack on the eastern seafront.

5. Character's emotional range

He holds his cards close to his chest and is an enigma to his colleagues and superiors

6. Subtext the actor can play

He is always a few steps ahead of everyone, constantly playing a game of chess. He believes in his team even if the chances are slim for their mission to succeed.

7. Relationships that are interesting

Commander Vikram – he knows he cannot fully trust him but has no choice but to give him the command based on his rank and pressure from his superiors.

Ria – He trusts her instincts and intelligence and knows he is asking too much from her even while he withholds the truth about her father to motivate her to succeed.
Captain Desai – He is not convinced of his leadership but he has to make it work since the Chief Advisor has selected him based on the low priority given to the success of this mission.

8. Unique voice expressed through dialogue and action

He needs to prove everyone wrong about the importance of this mission and he would rather his actions speak louder than his words.

9. Something truly special about this character

He is a general of generals who knows that wars are not fought on the battlefield but in the war rooms. He knows his plan will give India the political mileage it needs to support the rebel forces for a free and independent nation of Bangladesh.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Actor attractors for GREYHOUND

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.
“What I learned doing this assignment is… to create actor attractors for my lead characters to sell the script.”

Movie Title: GREYHOUND
Lead Character Name: CAPTAIN ERNEST KRAUSE (TOM HANKS)
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
A Naval Captain whose first command is to escort a fleet of 37 ships of supplies and men to the allied forces without air cover for 50 hours through the most treacherous waters in the Atlantic called the “black pit” while being hunted by a pack of German U-boats.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
He’s a Christian man who wants to do his duty, serve his men honourably and leads by example.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Proposes marriage before his first command and is told to wait for the war to end. His first command is a dangerous escort mission through the pit. He takes swift action to avoid the torpedo hits and even a near collision with a merchant ship. He stops to rescue men from the sunk ships and to hold a funeral for the lost men before resume the hunt for the German U-boats. He is up on his feet for nearly all the time in command never leaving his post even to eat or rest his feet.
Hi quick thinking helps take down 4 U boats and provide safe passage more most of his fleet.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
He prays before remembering his sweetheart and being told to wait for the war to end on his marriage proposal. He dismisses two officers who were in a fistfight when they apologize and is called to deck on an enemy sighting but it’s a false alarm.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?
He is kind, gentle, assertive, empathetic, heroic, stoic and even self-sacrificing.

6. What subtext can the actor play?
This is his first command and he wants to get it right. He never leaves command until they are safely out of the pit.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
His XO – whom he trusts and values. When he feels he’s let him down for losing three men and says he could have done more. His XO reminds him that he got them to this point to have a tomorrow.
His men – believe in him and worry about his wellbeing as he pushes himself.
He replies to the taunts from the German radio messages with fitting action without losing his calm and composure.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
Circumspect and clear. He is a respectful Captain who wants to lead his men the best he can. He is praying man who observes grace even in the middle of a war.

9. What makes this character special and unique?
He doesn’t have any airs and carries his duty with poise and grace even at the cost of food and his own wellbeing. This is his first crossing and he’s taken down four U-boats even when he ran out of depth charges after the first 24 hours.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Genre Conventions
My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.
“What I learned doing this assignment is… to build genre conventions into my transformational structure.”

Title: The Sinking Line

High Concept: What if a female radio operator trained as a British spy is enlisted to intercept a top-secret cable between the US and Pakistan during the 1971 Indo-Pak war?

Genre: War Thriller

VERSION 1: 4-Act Transformational Structure

Act 1: Old Ways – Skepticism and Independence
• Opening: Ria Sarkar is introduced as a skilled but emotionally scarred radio operator, overshadowed by her father's dishonor. She works in the shadows of R&AW, defined by her father's alleged betrayal.
• Inciting Incident: She's selected for a high-risk operation to tap into Pakistan's naval communications off the eastern coast, presenting a chance at redemption and proving her competence in a male-dominated field.
• Turning Point: Ria misses a crucial communication, resulting in the loss of rebel lives. Captain Anirudh doubts her suitability for the rough seas and high-stakes environment.
Act 2: New Plan – Trial and Error
• New Plan: Gaining a small victory, Ria intercepts her first crucial message. However, the success is tarnished by tensions with Commander Vikram and Rehman's reckless behavior.
• Plan in Action: An emergency diving drill is called by Captain Anirudh, challenging Ria to overcome her fear of water. Rehman supports her, helping her face her trauma.
• Midpoint Turning Point: A dive led by Vikram results in Rehman's death and Ria being accused of negligence. This incident plants seeds of distrust within the crew and pushes Ria to the brink even as she manages to intercept crucial intel about "Operation Chengiz Khan."
Act 3: Rethink Everything – Unraveling Truths
• Rethink Everything: Ria's standing on the team becomes fragile as doubts about her innocence arise. The team dynamic fractures, escalating her internal and external battles.
• New Plan: In desperation, Ria feeds false intelligence to test her suspicions, which tragically results in civilian casualties on both sides of the border.
• Turning Point: Major Shift: Ria's relentless pursuit of the truth leads her to evidence of Vikram's betrayal and the fabrication of her father’s dishonor by her mentor, Secy. Verma. This discovery challenges her understanding of loyalty and leadership.
Act 4: New Ways – Triumph and Transformation
• Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: An underwater showdown between Ria and Vikram occurs. Carrying the weight of Rehman’s death and her own tarnished reputation, Ria emerges victorious, proving her worth and clearing her name.
• Resolution: Intercepted cables reveal US support for Pakistan, legitimizing India's backing of East Pakistani rebels. Ria's victory is bittersweet as she mourns Rehman, restores her father's legacy, and gains Captain Anirudh's respect, who offers to make amends.

Action Conventions:

Purpose: adrenaline-stirring, fast-paced, big-event story
Demand for Action: there is a problem or goal that the only solution is high level of action. Plot, character, situations designed to demand action
Mission: There is a stated or implied mission. Hero must take down the antagonistic force, defend against overwhelming odds, or escape the inescapable
Escalating Action: Overcoming the problem requires greater and greater heights of action (and involves higher stakes) as story progresses
Hero: Highly capable and skilled. Often, they bring a unique skill or talent to fight that has them stand out from other heroes in the genre
Antagonists: clearly evil / corrupt / malicilous, necessitating decisive and expedient action to deal with them.

Thriller Conventions:

Purpose: high stakes, plot twists, and suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax
Life and Death Situations: they face danger at every step – either physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger or there is the implication of future danger.
Mystery/Intrigue/Suspense: there is a mystery that must be solved in order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert villain’s plan. Suspense comes from the danger the hero faces.
Hero: Unknowing, unwitting but resourceful hero
Villain: dangerous, devious and unrelenting. Committed to destroy anyone who gets in the way.
Main Emotions: suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation, uncertainty and surprise.

Brainstorming ideas to build genre conventions into the structure:

1. Open with action – a failed spy mission by Ria puts her on the backburner at RAW.
2. Inciting Incident: She’s given a mission that no one wants and other agents believe a punishment posting – an impossible mission that’s guaranteed to fail.
3. At Mid-point: Ria intercepts a communication meant for Commander Vikram and learns that he was sent as a trojan horse – he didn’t abandon his ship like the rest of his crew willingly to fight with the rebels. His mission is to eliminate Ria and the rebel crew.
4. Act 3 Turning Point: Their ship is sabotaged and now Ria must decode the message before they sink underwater.
5. Climax: underwater while she fights Vikram and reconnects the cable to intercept a crucial message. Capt Anirudh and his crew fight Pakistani frogmen and save the ship from going under.

Incorporating these into my structure:

VERSION 2: 4-Act Transformational Structure:

Act 1: Old Ways – Skepticism and Independence
• Opening: A failed spy mission by Ria puts her on the backburner at RAW. Ria Sarkar is introduced as a skilled but emotionally scarred radio operator, overshadowed by her father's dishonor. She works in the shadows of R&AW, defined by her father's alleged betrayal.
6. Inciting Incident: She's selected for a high-risk operation to tap into Pakistan's naval communications off the eastern coast, presenting a chance at redemption and proving her competence in a male-dominated field. Fellow agents believe it’s a punishment posting – an impossible mission that’s guaranteed to fail.
• Turning Point: Ria misses a crucial communication, resulting in the loss of rebel lives. Captain Anirudh doubts her suitability for the rough seas and high-stakes environment.
Act 2: New Plan – Trial and Error
• New Plan: Gaining a small victory, Ria intercepts her first crucial message. However, the success is tarnished by tensions with Commander Vikram and Rehman's reckless behavior.
• Plan in Action: An emergency diving drill is called by Captain Anirudh, challenging Ria to overcome her fear of water. Rehman supports her, helping her face her trauma.
7. Midpoint Turning Point: A dive led by Vikram results in Rehman's death and Ria being accused of negligence. This incident plants seeds of distrust within the crew and pushes Ria to the brink. Ria intercepts a communication meant for Commander Vikram and learns that he was sent as a trojan horse – he didn’t abandon his ship like the rest of his crew willingly to fight with the rebels. His mission is to eliminate Ria and the rebel crew.
Act 3: Rethink Everything – Unraveling Truths
• Rethink Everything: Ria's standing on the team becomes fragile as doubts about her innocence arise. The team dynamic fractures, escalating her internal and external battles.
• New Plan: In desperation, Ria feeds false intelligence to test her suspicions, which tragically results in civilian casualties on both sides of the border.
8. Turning Point: Major Shift: Ria's relentless pursuit of the truth leads her to evidence of Vikram's betrayal and the fabrication of her father’s dishonor by her mentor, Secy. Verma. Their ship is sabotaged and now Ria must decode the message before they sink underwater.
Act 4: New Ways – Triumph and Transformation
9. Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: An underwater showdown between Ria and Vikram occurs. Carrying the weight of Rehman’s death and her own tarnished reputation, underwater while she fights Vikram and reconnects the cable to intercept a crucial message. Capt Anirudh and his crew fight Pakistani frogmen and save the ship from going under.
• Resolution: Intercepted cables reveal US support for Pakistan, legitimizing India's backing of East Pakistani rebels. Ria's victory is bittersweet as she mourns Rehman, restores her father's legacy, and gains Captain Anirudh's respect, who offers to make amends.

AI RESPONSE:

Action Thriller Conventions Integrated:

Act 1: Old Ways – Skepticism and Independence
• Purpose and Demand for Action: Ria's failed initial mission and subsequent selection for a high-risk operation immediately sets the tone for a story driven by high-stakes action. This scenario demands that she proves herself in a male-dominated field, setting up a continuous flow of action-packed sequences.
• Mission: Her mission to intercept crucial communications is not just a redemption arc but a defensive strategy against external threats, embodying the 'mission' convention.
Act 2: New Plan – Trial and Error
• Escalating Action: The diving drill and subsequent underwater crises with the sabotage of their ship escalate the action consistently, heightening stakes and showcasing Ria’s unique skills as a spy and her development as an action hero.
• Hero and Antagonist Development: The emergence of Commander Vikram as a Trojan horse introduces a clear antagonist whose objectives are diametrically opposed to Ria's, heightening the narrative tension and necessitating decisive action from Ria.
Act 3: Rethink Everything – Unraveling Truths
• Life and Death Situations: The fracturing team dynamics and the sabotage event put Ria in constant physical, emotional, and mental danger, emphasizing the thriller elements of high stakes and suspense.
• Mystery/Intrigue/Suspense: The revelations about Vikram and the conspiracies surrounding her father’s dishonor inject mystery and intrigue, driving the narrative forward as Ria uncovers layers of betrayal.
Act 4: New Ways – Triumph and Transformation
• Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: The underwater showdown is the culmination of the action and thriller elements, blending intense physical conflict with the high stakes of international espionage.
• Resolution: The intercepted cables not only provide a solution to the geopolitical conflict but also restore Ria's personal and professional reputation, aligning with the classic resolution patterns of action thrillers.

Recommendations for Enhancement:
• Introduce a MacGuffin: Something that everyone in the story is seeking, which could be a special piece of intelligence or a device that is crucial to national security. This will add an additional layer of suspense and urgency to the narrative.
• Increase the Antagonist's Presence: To heighten suspense and challenge the protagonist further, consider giving more screen time to the antagonist's planning and moves, which Ria must counteract.
• Use of Set Pieces: Design each major action sequence around unique locations or set pieces that elevate the visual and adrenaline-pumping quotient of your screenplay, like an intense chase scene through a crowded market or a stealth mission in a highly secure facility.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.
“What I learned doing this assignment is… to create the 4 act structure based on the transformational journey of the protagonist.”

Concept: A female communications expert joins a rebel naval crew to tap undersea cables in a crucial wartime operation during the 1971 Indo-Pak War.

Main Conflict: Navigating treacherous waters and betrayals from within, Ria races against time to uncover and thwart a plot that threatens their lives and the outcome of the war.

Old Ways:
• Gifted but naïve
• Traumatized by water and confined spaces
• Ashamed of her father’s dishonorable discharge from naval service for desertion during an operation in ‘65 war.
• Doesn’t belong in the male-dominated world

Ria is initially closed-off, her skepticism and independence act as barriers to teamwork. Her fear of water is debilitating, and she’s fixated on clearing her father's name to the exclusion of all else.

New Ways:
• Confident and accomplished
• Fearless and brave
• Honors her father’s legacy and gains the respect of her crew
• Operated well in the male-dominated world

Ria becomes open to collaboration, leading to a successful mission overcoming her fear of water. Her claustrophobia diminishes, signifying a release from the past. She finds value in herself, not just as a vindicator of her father.

4 ACT Transformational Structure:
Act 1:
Opening: Ria Sarkar, working in the shadows of R&AW, is defined by her father's alleged betrayal and her fierce determination to clear his name.
Inciting Incident: She's selected for a high-risk operation to tap into Pakistan's naval communications off the eastern coast, offering a chance at redemption and to prove her competence in a male-dominated field.
Turning Point: Ria misses a crucial communication that costs the lives of rebel forces in West Pakistan and Captain Anirudh thinks Ria is unfit for the job on the rough and high seas.

Act 2:
New plan: Ria has her first successful interception, but it's marred by Rehman's daredevil antics and creates tension within the team, particularly between Ria and Commander Vikram.
Plan in action: Captain Anirudh pushes Ria to take the diving test after she refuses to participate in an emergency drill. Rehman motivates Ria who hides her deep trauma from a diving accident to prove her worth, especially to the misogynistic Captain Anirudh.
Midpoint Turning Point: During a crucial dive, orchestrated by Vikram, a tragic accident claims Rehman’s life. Ria manages to intercept crucial intel about "Operation Chengiz Khan," but upon their return, she finds herself accused of negligence resulting in Rehman's fatal accident, sowing seeds of distrust.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Ria's position on the team becomes precarious as her innocence is questioned. The team dynamic fractures, leaving Ria to fight both the external war and an internal battle for her credibility.
New plan: Ria secretly feeds false intelligence but it backfires killing innocent civilians on both sides of the border.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Alone and under scrutiny, Ria relentlessly pursues the truth behind the intercepted message and uncovers evidence linking Vikram to the sabotage and Rehman’s fatal accident, revealing his betrayal. Secretary Varma, the mentor, is revealed to have orchestrated the cover-up of Ria’s father’s alleged treachery challenging her perception of trust and leadership.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: The tension culminates in an underwater confrontation between Ria and Vikram. Ria, carrying the burden of Rehman’s tragedy and her own accused betrayal, faces Vikram in a life-or-death struggle, emerging as the sole survivor, vindicating herself and honoring Rehman's memory.
Resolution: The undersea cables intercepted by Ria show concrete proof that the US is backing Pakistan in the internal fight for the liberation of East Pakistan and gives India a legitimate cause to support East Pakistan rebel forces to form an independent Bangladesh. Her triumph is bittersweet as she mourns Rehman, restores her father's legacy and wins the admiration of Capt. Anirudh who admits to his guilt and offers to make amends for the rest of his life if she will let him.

AI VERSION:

4-Act Transformational Structure:
Act 1: Old Ways – Skepticism and Independence
• Opening: Ria Sarkar is introduced as a skilled but emotionally scarred radio operator, overshadowed by her father's dishonor. She works in the shadows of R&AW, defined by her father's alleged betrayal.
• Inciting Incident: She's selected for a high-risk operation to tap into Pakistan's naval communications off the eastern coast, presenting a chance at redemption and proving her competence in a male-dominated field.
• Turning Point: Ria misses a crucial communication, resulting in the loss of rebel lives. Captain Anirudh doubts her suitability for the rough seas and high-stakes environment.
Act 2: New Plan – Trial and Error
• New Plan: Gaining a small victory, Ria intercepts her first crucial message. However, the success is tarnished by tensions with Commander Vikram and Rehman's reckless behavior.
• Plan in Action: An emergency diving drill is called by Captain Anirudh, challenging Ria to overcome her fear of water. Rehman supports her, helping her face her trauma.
• Midpoint Turning Point: A dive led by Vikram results in Rehman's death and Ria being accused of negligence. This incident plants seeds of distrust within the crew and pushes Ria to the brink.
Act 3: Rethink Everything – Unraveling Truths
• Rethink Everything: Ria's standing on the team becomes fragile as doubts about her innocence arise. The team dynamic fractures, escalating her internal and external battles.
• New Plan: In desperation, Ria feeds false intelligence to test her suspicions, which tragically results in civilian casualties.
• Turning Point: Major Shift: Ria's relentless pursuit of the truth leads her to evidence of Vikram's betrayal and the cover-up of her father’s dishonor. This discovery challenges her understanding of loyalty and leadership.
Act 4: New Ways – Triumph and Transformation
• Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: An underwater showdown between Ria and Vikram occurs. Carrying the weight of Rehman’s death and her own tarnished reputation, Ria emerges victorious, proving her worth and clearing her name.
• Resolution: Intercepted cables reveal US support for Pakistan, legitimizing India's backing of East Pakistani rebels. Ria's victory is bittersweet as she mourns Rehman, restores her father's legacy, and gains Captain Anirudh's respect, who offers to make amends.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Finished Wordsmithing!

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to check every line for tone and improve keywords. I rewrote them to eliminate distractions and orphan lines. Check for typos and repetitive words in a paragraph. I read it backwards and finally had it read out loud to make corrections. I was also able to bring my page count from 62 to 56.”

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Has Amazing Description!

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to break the rules of show don’t tell sparingly using action/internal process and also to create description reveals.”

Examples of using the descriptive skills chart:

Action / Internal process:

… makes a few quick turns, relieved she’s lost her tail for now… heads onto a desolate street…

flings the backpack in anger.

takes the couch holding her book to her chest… afraid to close her eyes.

The whole class GASPS… Radhika chuckles, thrilled…

the heavy raindrops matching the heaviness inside her heart…

Demand / Reveal:

… a government seal on the door… Priya sneaks in using the key under the flower pot…

flings the backpack in anger.

notices a tear in the backpack… discovers a secret compartment…pulls out an old book with a strange symbol on the cover…

Surprise/Reveal:
Lina hesitates over a specific file – ELDER JOHN.
An old photograph falls out – Lina with Priya’s father.
Lina hurriedly drops the contents in the fireplace… replaces them with bogus papers… changes the name on the sleeve…
… lights a match… watches the photo eaten by the flames.

Contrast / Reveal:
Priya weaves through the back alleys of Mumbai on a motorcycle… through jam-packed streets with festive revelers in the pouring rain.. tries to lose a motorcyclist tracking her. A festival mascot is in her face… sticks a tracker under the front wheel – he’s an undercover RAW agent!

Demand / Reveal:
Mandeep watches Priya get off her bike…
He spots a grainy image of a figure watching her.
… enhances the grainy image… rewinds the tape a few times to confirm – until there is no doubt in his mind, it’s Sofia.
MANDEEP SINGH
(to himself)
I’m such an idiot…
Arjun walks in… Mandeep finishes erasing the tape.

Surprise / Reveal
RAW agents track a safe house on their surveillance monitors.
The phone rings…
RAW AGENT # 2
[… Yes… who is this?]
RAGHAV
(into the phone, voice simulator )
This is not a drill… you have 60 seconds… then boom! CLICK!
RAW agents watch the monitors as a safe house gets blown up.
Two figures escape (Arjun and Priya) while the RAW agents scramble to safety…

Contrast / Reveal
Priya’s past comes to her in flashes…
… recalls a heated fight between her father and a woman…
YOUNG PRIYA
Muqin (Mother)…
… can’t recall the woman’s face… helps her solve bizarre puzzles… looks like a younger Lina.
She finds a familiar half-symbol on the wall behind the bookshelf… runs her fingers around the grove. Pushes the half pendant in her necklace to match the grove in the wall GEARS CRUNCH… OPENING a secret room!
Priya enters…
… sees a huge symbol on the wall… same one as the ledger.

Surprise / Reveal
A mystery woman watches on big screen: Priya exits the BSE vault and kisses her half-pendant – the video freezes.
The woman reveals the other half of the pendant… holds it up to mirror that on the screen… does the same motions with her half-pendant as Priya does… before kissing it.
MYSTERY WOMAN
(softly)
Fille cherie…
A heart monitor beeps in the background… the woman turns to a hospital bed in the corner… on a ventilator… Appa… still alive!

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Has Great Introductions!

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to improve introductions to character and worlds and introduce irony into descriptions.”

Introduction of sub-world:
Tone: Deceptive, covert
Subtext /meaning: this is a heist gone wrong
Intrigue: scare, scheming, hiding, secret codes
Items/Actions described:
A bomb goes off in a secret vault…
A nerdy girl on a motorbike escapes with a backpack
ominous figures give a chase on motorbikes
breaking into a sealed house
radio announcer reports about a terror attack at a stock exhange
a secret book with a strange symbol in a secret compartment
a faint memory of clandestine meetings with strange books and symbols
a phone call that talks about thieves, rules and saving lives using code names

Character Intros:

PRIYA RAO (AKA ROOKIE), a petite girl in her late 20s, too big for her motorbike, weaves through the back alleys of Mumbai… hits the jam-packed streets with festive revelers in the pouring rain… tries to lose the ominous figures tracking her…

Priya, smart and lost, traces patterns in the air as she tries to solve a math problem she created from watching a group of students playing on the lawns. She visualizes the problem state… heckled by her classmates.

Her ailing FATHER, late 60s, kind but forgetful, is laid up in bed with an oxygen tank and other medical paraphernalia.

PROFESSOR (Arjun Nair AKA Raven), late 30s, delightful and menacing, writes a problem on the green board.

HARSH MEHTA (AKA The Cobra), late 30s, a huge pitbull-faced bouncer watches the crowd from his perch scanning for any threats… tucks a dancer’s dress to cover her breasts.

SOFIA PETROVNA (AKA CHAMELEON) in disguise passes for someone in her late 20s, watches over the group and catches Harsh in his perch.

LINA CHEN (AKA ORACLE), late 50s, too smart to pull off a beat cop, bumps into her in the hallway. There's a fleeting look of recognition or guilt that she quickly masks.

Priya blocked by RAW AGENT # 2 (30s)… skinny and tall with his clothes barely hanging onto him…

Wringing her chaffed hands she punches MANDEEP SINGH (AKA SHADOW), the loyal lieutenant who wears his heart on his sleeve. He grabs her hand but Priya steps around him to nail him to the ground…

MEERA VERMA (AKA GHOST) late 20s, hacker with a bad attitude, start to cheer…

RAGHAV PATEL (AKA The Hyena), late 30s, the charismatic and frightening leader of the Hawala Network in the middle of his peculiar ritual… watches the stock market on TV…

Irony in descriptions:

excited but nonchalant…

They dance around fiercely… hurting each other…

Mandeep holds his ground… defying his mentor…

Lina jumps out of the van… her agility belies her age… enters the building through a secret service door… she knows this building better than anyone… she designed it!

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Description 1!

What I learned doing this assignment is…to use descriptive imagery to write my descriptions.”

Descriptive imagery examples:

BEFORE:

Harsh walks up to the MAN bruised and tied to a chair, two men watching him in the room shake their heads at Harsh.
Harsh leans closer to the man’s face…
HARSH MEHTA
You’re going to tell me… one way or another…
He grips his fingers… breaks it off and walks away…

AFTER:
.. MAN bruised and tied to a chair. Two men watching over him … shake their heads as…
Harsh leans into the man’s face…
HARSH MEHTA
Let’s do this the hard way then…
He grips a finger… breaks it off… ARRGGHH!

BEFORE:

Priya is in a strange recurring dream involving symbols and numbers that she doesn't understand…
She screams as she’s plunged into the abyss. Wakes up from her nightmare shaken…
She grabs her book and scribbles down some of the numbers and symbols…
She jumps out of bed and sneaks into her father’s room…
Her father is sleeping… she takes the couch holding her book close to her chest as she tries to fall back asleep.

AFTER:
Priya in a forest with strange symbols and numbers that engulf her… screams as she’s suddenly plunged into an abyss…
Wakes up from her nightmare shaken… grabs her scrapbook to scribble down numbers and symbols… jumps out of bed and sneaks into her…
FATHER’S ROOM
The heart monitor is steadily beeping… takes the couch holding her book to her chest… wide awake… afraid to close her eyes.

BEFORE:
Priya’s classmate Radhika leaves the bar…
The backpack slips off her shoulder and she picks it up to straighten her class project folder and zip it up before slinging it back on one shoulder…
She is drunk and her heels are hurting as she walks down a cobbled street… she finds herself on a deserted lane.
She hears footsteps behind her and sees someone following her. She speeds up her pace but the boots catch up with her as she hits a dead-end. A knife gleans…
ARRGGHHH! She let’s out a shrill shriek… THUD!

AFTER:

Radhika (CLASSMATE #1) leaves the bar…
… her backpack slips off her shoulder. Class project folder falls out. She zips it up…slings it back…
walks unevenly… down a cobbled street… on a deserted lane.
Behind her… footsteps approach… without turning her head… speeds up her pace… boots catch up with her. STOPS! Hits a dead-end.
A knife gleans… in a gloved hand…
ARRGGHHH! A shrill shriek… THUD!

BEFORE:
Priya on the computer looks for clues. She digs into the professor but hits dead ends.
She looks through archives to find a paper written by her Professor… flipping through the pages, she sees a symbol that she’s seen before on the class project that stops her in her tracks.
She investigates the symbol on the computer… finds a restricted site…
She hacks into it… to find an online forum with conspiracy theories… about a secret society…
Priya shuts the computer down as the library closes…

AFTER:
On the computer: Priya looks for clues… digs into the professor… hits dead ends.
… combs through dusty archives to find a paper written by her Professor… flipping through the pages, sees a symbol that that stops her in her tracks.
She investigates the symbol on the computer… finds a restricted site… hacks into it… opens an online forum with conspiracy theories… about a secret society…
Priya shuts the computer as the library lights turn off…

BEFORE:

Priya reaches the university lawns when a surveillance van approaches her. Two masked men jump out, throw a bag over her head and drag her into the van.
Priya tries to resist using martial arts but she is overpowered, bound and gagged.
Priya is thrown into the back and the van drives away. She lets out a muffled scream as she looks out through the burlap sack.
Priya starts counting and can visualize the space as they drive through from the sounds.

AFTER:

Priya walks off the university lawns… an unmarked van approaches her. Two masked men jump out. Throw a bag over her head… she resists using martial arts moves. Gets overpowered, bound and gagged.
She’s thrown into the back. The van speeds away.
… through the burlap sack… starts counting. Visualizing the space just from the sounds.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Subtext Plot

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…to go beneath the surface of my story and create deeper layers and meaning to the story.”

Title: Decoding Enemy Lines
Genre: War Thriller
High Concept: A female communications expert joins a rebel naval crew to tap undersea cables in a crucial wartime operation during the 1971 Indo-Pak War.

Subtext plots:
Layering: While Secretary Arjun sent Ria to tap enemy cables her real mission is to expose the traitor amongst the rebels on the team.
The operation's apparent goal is to intercept communications, but the deeper objective, known only to Secretary Varma and Ria, is to feed false intelligence, precipitating a diplomatic incident that shifts global alliances.

Someone Hides who they are: Commander Vikram leads the tactical team of rebels but what he really wants is vendetta for his sister and plots for the mission to fail.

Fish out of Water: Ria has deep trauma from a diving accident, but she hides it to prove her worth, especially to the misogynistic Captain Anirudh
Superior Position: We don’t know who the traitor is until Commander Vikram nearly kills the diver Lt. Rehman. But he is not exposed until Ria intercepts a communication meant for him and faces him in an underwater dual to expose him.

A Major Coverup 1: The undersea cables intercepted by Ria show concrete proof that the US is backing Pakistan in the internal fight for the liberation of East Pakistan and gives India a legitimate cause to support East Pakistan rebel forces to form an independent Bangladesh.

A Major Coverup 2: Secretary Varma, the mentor, is revealed to have orchestrated the cover-up of Ria’s father’s alleged treachery. While guiding Ria, he simultaneously manipulates events to keep the truth buried. Ria's eventual uncovering of this deception forces Varma to confess, which challenges her perception of trust and leadership.

Competitive Agendas:
Ria versus Captain Anirudh
On the surface: Captain Anirudh thinks Ria is unfit for the job on the rough and high seas
Under the surface: He secretly admires her grit and he pushes her to overcome her fear of water. Eventually admits his guilt for discriminating against her – they eventually fall for each other.

Lt. Rehman versus Commander Vikram
On the surface: both are deserters from Pakistan Navy who joined this clandestine rebel team and Rehman obeys Commander Vikram’s orders without question.
Under the Surface: Lieutenant Rehman and Commander Vikram have conflicting loyalties. Rehman is a staunch supporter of Bangladesh’s independence, while Vikram covertly undermines the mission. Their contrasting agendas lead to secret alliances being formed, with Ria caught in the middle, ultimately leading to a showdown that decides the mission's fate.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Has Great Dialogue!

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to run lines through various dialogue skills and find the best expression of the lines to use in the scene”

Great Dialogue Best Examples:

Dialogue Skill used: Dialogue through character profile

Before:
PRIYA RAO
Oh damn, these festivals…

After:
PRIYA RAO
… processions have rhythm… a pattern… easy to predict…
PRIYA RAO
… and a random variable… with no rhythm…

Dialogue Skill used: Dialogue as action (invalidation)

Before:

PRIYA RAO
(into the phone)
I know what it is Raven

ARJUN NAIR (V.O.)
Follow the rules… Rookie.

After:

PRIYA RAO
(into the phone)
… it’s not fake, Raven.
ARJUN NAIR (V.O.)
Rules save lives, Rookie…
PRIYA RAO
Thieves have no rules…

Dialogue Skill used: Attack/Counterattack

Before:
PRIYA RAO
Appa… do you know I’ve been
having those dreams again…
PRIYA’S FATHER
Which dreams, nanna?
PRIYA RAO
You know, Appa… it feels like I
was really there… with all these
people and I can hear your
laughter… like they are snatches
of my memory…
PRIYA’S FATHER
I think we should just get a
caretaker for me… you are putting
too much on yourself…
PRIYA RAO
Appa… tell me about my
childhood…
PRIYA’S FATHER
You know nanna… my memories are
just as fuzzy… today’s one of my
good days… I don’t know what you
want me to tell you…

After:

PRIYA RAO
Appa… I’ve been having those dreams again…
PRIYA’S FATHER
Dreams are good, nanna.
PRIYA RAO
Not these, Appa… these feel like snatches of my memory…
PRIYA’S FATHER
… you are putting too much on yourself… we should just get a full-time caretaker…
PRIYA RAO
Appa… tell me about her…
PRIYA’S FATHER
Whom nanna…? my memories are just so fuzzy… today’s one of my good days…
BEAT.
… you were a great kid…
PRIYA RAO
Not me… Amma…

Dialogue Skill used: Subtext

Before:

PROFESSOR
Hello, Priya! This must be your
father…
He extends his hand…
PRIYA’S FATHER
Hello sir… you are…
PROFESSOR
Ah! I see Priya hasn’t told you
much about her classes… I’m her
professor at Uni… you are Mr Rao.
PRIYA’S FATHER
Ah, if you say so…
PROFESSOR
See your reputation precedes you…
but I wonder does your daughter…
she’s your daughter, right?…
hmm… so does she know…
PRIYA’S FATHER
I’m sorry sir… I think you have
me confused with someone else…
now if you will… Please excuse
us… we’re just out having a quiet
family dinner…
PROFESSOR
Of course… please enjoy! I hear
the kebabs are really nice…
Professor slips out and Priya tries to go after him… her
father holds her down…
PRIYA RAO
Appa, what is he talking about?
PRIYA’S FATHER
I have no idea, nanna… come let’s
eat…
The door swings open and shuts…
After:

PROFESSOR
Hello, Miss… Priya! This must be your father…
He extends his hand…
PRIYA’S FATHER
Hello… are you her classmate?
PROFESSOR
Ah! I see Priya hasn’t told you much about her classes… I’m her professor at Uni… you are Mr Rao.
PRIYA’S FATHER
Oh, yes…
PROFESSOR
See your reputation precedes you… but I wonder does your daughter… Priya, right?… hmm… does Priya know about your life’s work… what was it again… Banking is it?
PRIYA’S FATHER
Look young man… we’re just out having a quiet family dinner… So if you don’t mind…
PROFESSOR
Of course… please enjoy! I hear the kebabs are really nice…
Professor slips out… Priya’s father holds her down…
PRIYA RAO
What does he mean… life’s work?
PRIYA’S FATHER
He’s got me confused, poor chap. It’s getting cold… let’s eat, nanna…
The door swings open and shuts…

Dialogue Skill used: Ironic dialogue

Before:

RAW AGENT # 2
So how long have you been working
with the professor on his op?
PRIYA RAO
What op?
RAW AGENT # 2
Where is your classmate, Miss
Radhika? She’s been reported
missing…
PRIYA RAO
I have no knowledge of anything,
sir.
RAW AGENT # 2
… to your Professor… it’s a
personal vendetta is what it is…
PRIYA RAO
I think you have me mistaken with
someone else, sir… I’m just a
student…
RAW AGENT # 2
Priya Rao… your father is
famous… or should I say
infamous…
PRIYA RAO
Please officer leave my father
alone…
RAW AGENT # 2
Exactly… do you want to torture
your old man… drag him into
another scandal all over again…
PRIYA RAO
Sir, please I don’t know what you
want from me… I don’t know
anything…
RAW AGENT # 2
Let me be blunt with you… walk
away now and you can save whatever
is left of your father’s
reputation… the professor is bad
news miss…
PRIYA RAO
It was just a stupid class
project… I swear…
RAW AGENT holds down her hands on the chair and leans in
close…
RAW AGENT # 2
Don’t say I didn’t warn you miss…
PRIYA RAO
Are you charging me… or am I free
to leave…
RAW AGENT # 2
… of course… but I hope for
your sake this is the last time we
cross paths, Miss Priya… Next
time, I won’t be so nice…
Priya stumbles out of the chair and leaves…

After:

Priya is seated across from the RAW agent going through the dossier.
RAW AGENT # 2
So how long have you been on the op?
PRIYA RAO
What op? Is this about Radhika?
RAW AGENT # 2
Look we’re not here on a missing person case… we’re not police…
PRIYA RAO
Sir please whoever you are. I think you have the wrong person.
RAW AGENT # 2
Look… we know you’re involved.
Priya has a blank stare…
RAW AGENT # 2
That man you think is your professor… look at the dossier… Prof. Verghese is not even his real name…
PRIYA RAO
Sir… I’m just a student…
RAW AGENT # 2
Priya Rao… your father is famous. Or should I say infamous…
PRIYA RAO
Leave my father alone…
RAW AGENT # 2
Exactly… do you want to torture your old man… drag him into another scandal all over again…
PRIYA RAO
Please what do you want from me…
RAW AGENT # 2
Okay. I’m going to say this nicely… walk away now and you can save whatever is left of your father’s reputation…
PRIYA RAO
It’s just a stupid class project…
RAW AGENT holds down her hands on the chair and leans in close…
RAW AGENT # 2
Don’t say I didn’t warn you miss…
PRIYA RAO
Please… I want to leave…
RAW AGENT # 2
… of course… but I hope for your sake this is the last time we cross paths, Miss Priya… Next time, you won’t be seeing Mr Nice Guy…
Priya stumbles out of the chair and leaves…

Dialogue Skill used: Setup/Payoff

Before:

Arjun looks at Priya’s father’s photo on Meera’s iPad.
ARJUN NAIR
Okay. So where did she leave?
MEERA
She didn’t say…
ARJUN NAIR
Do you think she’ll come back…
MEERA
No! Clearly, she’s in on this
thing…
ARJUN NAIR
So how do we find the ledger?
MEERA
We find Priya…
ARJUN NAIR
Or… we can ask her father?
LINA
Wait… hang on… you don’t mean
like a friendly visit, do you?
ARJUN NAIR
You think?
LINA
No! No! We can’t keep taking
hostages…
ARJUN NAIR
Fine. Let’s ask the one we got
then…
Arjun storms off into the basement… Mandeep is shaking his
head…
LINA
You better go, shadow…
Mandeep follows…

After:

Arjun looks at the newspaper headlines on Meera’s iPad.
ARJUN NAIR
This is not new. It was left there for us to find, but why?
MEERA
He’s involved. Occum’s razor… the simplest explanation is that…
ARJUN NAIR
Do you think she’ll come back…
MEERA
No! Clearly, she’s in on this thing…
ARJUN NAIR
We still need to find the ledger?
MEERA
We find Priya…
ARJUN NAIR
Or… we can ask her father?
LINA
Wait… hang on… you don’t mean like a friendly visit, do you?
ARJUN NAIR
You think?
LINA
No! No! We can’t keep taking hostages…
ARJUN NAIR
Fine. Let’s ask the one we got then…
Arjun storms off into the basement… Mandeep is shaking his head…
LINA
You better go, shadow…
Mandeep follows…

Dialogue Skill used: Anticipatory Dialogue

Before:

Mandeep pulls out a photo from his pocket that he stole from
the club. The photo shows a young Sofia with Arjun and Harsh.
His phone rings and he picks it up with trepidation…
MANDEEP SINGH
Yes sir?
RAW COMMANDER (V.O.)
Have you found the mole?
Mandeep folds the photo and puts it away before he answers.
MANDEEP SINGH
No sir. Not yet.
The phone line cuts out…

After:

Mandeep pulls out a photo from his pocket that he stole from the club. The photo shows a young Sofia with Arjun and Harsh.
His phone rings and he picks it up with trepidation…
MANDEEP SINGH
Sir!
RAW COMMANDER (V.O.)
Have you found proof?
Mandeep folds the photo and puts it away before he answers.
MANDEEP SINGH
No sir. But won’t be long now, sir!
The phone line cuts out…

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… to correctly identify the main character structure that works best for my concept.”

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

Title: Decoding Enemy Lines

Genre: War Thriller

High Concept: A gifted but claustrophobic female radio operator joins a rebel naval crew to decipher enemy codes to prevent a catastrophic secret attack in the Indo-Pak war of 1971.

Major Story Hook: With vanishing codes and a single mistake meaning death, her race to unmask the traitor on board threatens to be as deadly as her paralyzing fear of the deep.

Character Structure: Protagonist versus Antagonist

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Dialogue 7 – 8

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to use dialogue as action and use subtext for coverups and subtext pointers in dialogue.”

DIALOGUE AS ACTION

BEFORE:

PRIYA RAO

Trust me…

ARJUN NAIR

Aah! Yes… and that’s why you stole my dossier…

PRIYA RAO

No! I had a hunch about the Hawala HQ… I didn’t think you would trust me to just give it to me…

ARJUN NAIR

So you stole it… from right under my nose…

PRIYA RAO

I’m sorry… time was of the essence… You should thank me…

ARJUN NAIR

I don’t know, Priya… you could be working for them… how do I know you’re not a liar…

PRIYA RAO

I would never…

AFTER: Dialogue that agrees or refuses

PRIYA RAO

Trust me…

ARJUN NAIR

Aah! Yes… the one who stole my dossier… from under my nose…

PRIYA RAO

I had a hunch about the Hawala HQ… I didn’t think you would trust me to just give it to me…

ARJUN NAIR

So you didn’t trust me but you want me to…

PRIYA RAO

Look, I’m sorry…

ARJUN NAIR

I don’t know, Priya… you could be working for them… how do I know you’re not a liar…

PRIYA RAO

You should be thanking me…

BEFORE:

ARJUN NAIR

We still don’t know what’s on it…

PRIYA RAO

I think it’s a list of sleeper agents…

ARJUN NAIR

… and your father…

PRIYA RAO

He’s being used as bait…

MANDEEP SINGH

Wait… so why did you return…

PRIYA RAO

I found something in the code…

MEERA

What’s that… pray do tell…

PRIYA RAO

There is an imminent terror attack… they’re going to use it as a distraction…

MEERA

Oh, come on…

PRIYA RAO

You have to…

LINA

… it makes sense… the market crash…

AFTER: Gaslighting – manipulating to reduce person’s worth

MEERA

Oh, come on… Raven, you saw her father’s image…

PRIYA RAO

He was just bait… you fell for it…

ARJUN NAIR

Even if that’s true, we don’t know for sure what’s on the ledger…

PRIYA RAO

I do… list of sleeper agents…

MANDEEP SINGH

What makes you so sure…

PRIYA RAO

I found something in the code…

MEERA

What’s that… pray do tell…

PRIYA RAO

There is an imminent terror attack… they’re going to use it as a distraction for the ledger sale…

ARJUN NAIR

Lina? Do you believe her?

LINA

… it’d make sense to crash it…

BEFORE:

ARJUN NAIR

Alright… enough…

PRIYA RAO

Can’t you see it’s a setup…

ARJUN NAIR

Lina, can you confirm the sale…

PRIYA RAO

It is a terror attack…

ARJUN NAIR

Priya, that’s for the intelligence agencies… I’m sure they would have been tipped off…

PRIYA RAO

No… I just literally told you…

LINA

Yes, the sale is on… but I still think we need to verify the terror plot… you of all people…

ARJUN NAIR

Thank you, Lina. Okay, our priority is to stop the ledger sale… so I want you Meera to get on the dark web and look for signs… get me a location… anything… meanwhile Sofia, Mandeep and I will be the boots on the ground… Lina, you really trust Priya… you both can split up and look into it… but remember we pass on what we gather… stopping a terror attack is not our mandate… am I clear?

LINA

Yes…

AFTER: invalidation, direct order to take action

ARJUN NAIR

Alright… listen up…

PRIYA RAO

… it’s a setup…

ARJUN NAIR

Lina, can you confirm the sale…

PRIYA RAO

… the terror attack is real…

ARJUN NAIR

Priya, if that’s true… that’s for the intelligence agencies…

PRIYA RAO

No… I just literally told you…

LINA

Raven, I think we should still verify the terror plot… you of all people…

ARJUN NAIR

Thank you, Lina. Our priority is to stop the ledger sale… so I want you, Meera to get on the dark web and look for signs… get me a location… anything… meanwhile Sofia, Mandeep and I will be the boots on the ground… Lina, if you trust Priya… you can look into it… but remember we pass on what we gather… stopping a terror attack is not our mandate… am I clear?

LINA

Yes… Raven.

BEFORE:

Arjun unties Priya’s hands…

ARJUN NAIR

Shh… come on… we’ve got to get out…

PRIYA RAO

Not without my father…

ARJUN NAIR

There is no time… it’s rigged to blow up…

PRIYA RAO

I’m not leaving him here…

ARJUN NAIR

I’m not playing, Priya…

Priya slaps Arjun hard…

PRIYA RAO

All you’ve been doing is playing with me… why did you recruit me… why?

ARJUN NAIR

Not now… Priya… come on…

PRIYA RAO

Not for my skills… I know it’s because of my father… tell me…

ARJUN NAIR

You really want to do this now…

An explosion goes off close to them…

PRIYA RAO

No!…

ARJUN NAIR

Come on…

Priya is hiding in the bushes with Arjun watching the emergency firefighters go through the rubble.

PRIYA RAO

Why… Why did you…

A charred body comes out in a gurney.

PRIYA RAO

You… you did this…

Priya tries to rush out, but Arjun muffles her scream and holds her down… she thumps her fists on his chest…

RAW agents descend on the rubble…

ARJUN NAIR

… okay… we need to get out of here… come on…

Priya wipes away her tears and follows Arjun… into the forest…

AFTER: shock, provoke, scare force; calming, reassuring or consoling

Arjun unties Priya’s hands…

ARJUN NAIR

Shh… come on… we’ve got to get out…

PRIYA RAO

Not without my father…

ARJUN NAIR

There is no time… it’s rigged to blow up…

PRIYA RAO

I’m not leaving him here…

ARJUN NAIR

I’m not playing, Priya…

Priya slaps Arjun hard…

PRIYA RAO

All you’ve been doing is playing with me… why did you recruit me… why?

ARJUN NAIR

Not now… Priya… come on…

PRIYA RAO

Not for my skills… I know it’s because of my father… tell me…

ARJUN NAIR

Can we first get out of here…

An explosion goes off close to them…

PRIYA RAO

No! Tell me…

ARJUN NAIR

… I can’t let you die…

Arjun drags Priya to safety before the safehouse explodes in a fire…

Priya is hiding in the bushes with Arjun watching the emergency firefighters go through the rubble.

PRIYA RAO

Why… Why did you…

ARJUN NAIR

You’re right… at first, I did recruit you to get to your father.

PRIYA RAO

Why him?

ARJUN NAIR

He never to told you?

PRIYA RAO

Tell me what?

ARJUN NAIR

He is one of the OGs of Hawala.

A charred body comes out on a gurney.

Priya tries to rush out, but Arjun muffles her scream and holds her down… she thumps her fists on his chest…

RAW agents descend on the rubble…

ARJUN NAIR

… Come on… we need to get out of here…

SUBTEXT: COVERUPS

BEFORE:

Priya digs into her father’s old files…

Priya opens a file with a cryptic symbol and an alias ELDER JOHN with her father’s photo inside…

Priya stomps down to her father’s…

BEDROOM

…slaps the file on the bedside table…

PRIYA RAO

Appa… what is this?

PRIYA’S FATHER

Hello… who are you?

Priya is frustrated…

PRIYA RAO

Appa… please… tell me who are you?

PRIYA’S FATHER

I’m… sorry… child… who are you…

Priya has tears streaming down… she walks away to look out the window…

AFTER: Continue the conversation as if nothing happened

Priya digs into her father’s old files…

Priya opens a file with a cryptic symbol and an alias ELDER JOHN with her father’s photo inside…

Priya stomps down to her father’s…

BEDROOM

…slaps the file on the bedside table…

PRIYA RAO

Appa… who are you?

PRIYA’S FATHER

Hello… who are you?

Priya is frustrated…

PRIYA RAO

Appa… please… tell me this is not you?

PRIYA’S FATHER

Hello… who are you…

Priya has tears streaming down… she walks away to look out the window…

SUBTEXT: COVERUPS + POINTERS

BEFORE:

Priya is at a table in the diner…

PRIYA’S FATHER

Did you get the rolls…

PRIYA RAO

Appa… this is a diner… they don’t serve rolls…

PRIYA’S FATHER

Right. Yes…

PRIYA RAO

Appa… do you know I’ve been having those dreams again…

PRIYA’S FATHER

Which dreams, nanna?

PRIYA RAO

You know, Appa… it feels like I was really there… with all these people and I can hear laughter… Your laughter… back when… like they are snatches of my memory…

PRIYA’S FATHER

I think we should just get a full-time caretaker for me… you are putting too much on yourself…

PRIYA RAO

Appa… I want to know about my childhood…

PRIYA’S FATHER

You know nanna… my memories are just so fuzzy… today’s one of my good days… I don’t know what you want me to tell you… you were a great kid…

Their order comes… interrupting their conversation… Priya looks up to recognize her professor walking in… he approaches them and slides into the seat opposite…

PROFESSOR

Hello, Miss… Priya! This must be your father…

He extends his hand…

PRIYA’S FATHER

Hello sir… you are…?

PROFESSOR

Ah! I see Priya hasn’t told you much about her classes… I’m her professor at Uni… you are Mr Rao.

PRIYA’S FATHER

Ah, if you say so…

PROFESSOR

See your reputation precedes you… but I wonder does your daughter… she’s your daughter, right?… hmm… does she know…

PRIYA’S FATHER

I’m sorry sir… I think you have me confused with someone else… now if you… we’re just out having a quiet family dinner…

PROFESSOR

Of course… please enjoy! I hear the kebabs are really nice…

Professor slips out and Priya tries to go after him… her father holds her down…

PRIYA RAO

Appa, what’s he talking about?

PRIYA’S FATHER

No idea, nanna… come let’s eat…

The door swings open and shuts…

AFTER: Change subject, misdirection, attack back, compliment them, continue as if nothing happened; Pointers: Imply Remind, Threaten

Priya is at a table in the diner…

PRIYA’S FATHER

Did you get the rolls…

PRIYA RAO

Appa… it’s a diner… they don’t serve rolls…

PRIYA’S FATHER

Right. Yes…

PRIYA RAO

Appa… I’ve been having those dreams again…

PRIYA’S FATHER

Dreams are good, nanna.

PRIYA RAO

Not these, Appa… these feel like snatches of my memory…

PRIYA’S FATHER

… you are putting too much on yourself… we should just get a full-time caretaker…

PRIYA RAO

Appa… tell me about her…

PRIYA’S FATHER

Whom nanna…? my memories are just so fuzzy… today’s one of my good days…

BEAT.

… you were a great kid…

PRIYA RAO

Not me…

Their order comes… interrupting their conversation… Priya looks up to recognize her professor walking in… he approaches them and slides into the seat opposite…

PROFESSOR

Hello, Miss… Priya, right! This must be your father…

He extends his hand…

PRIYA’S FATHER

Hello sir…?

PROFESSOR

Ah! I see Priya hasn’t told you much about her classes… I’m her professor at Uni… you are Mr Rao.

PRIYA’S FATHER

Ah, yes…

PROFESSOR

See your reputation precedes you… but I wonder does your daughter… she’s your daughter, right?… hmm… does she know…

PRIYA’S FATHER

… we’re just out having a quiet family dinner… So if you don’t mind…

PROFESSOR

Of course… please enjoy! I hear the kebabs are really nice…

Professor slips out… Priya’s father holds her down…

PRIYA’S FATHER

It’s getting cold… let’s eat, nanna…

The door swings open and shuts…

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Dialogue 4 – 6

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to use setup /payoff, anticipatory dialogue and ironic dialogue.”

Examples of lines where I used all three dialogue skills.

SETUP/PAYOFF:

BEFORE:

ARJUN NAIR

Oh, and you already know what I’m not. While I have had my tangle with the RAW as a former agent myself… we cannot trust them with our mission… So what is that and why are you here… let’s get you up to speed…

ARJUN NAIR

You are aware of the unregulated financial market controlled by the Hawala… they can be very useful if you want to send money to your mother from a foreign country… or set up a new business without the hassles of paperwork… or they can even fund a terror attack in the capital… RAW has been hunting them for decades… with little success… we know who the players are but we can’t bring any charges… their business runs on word of mouth so they’re not big on paper trails… that’s a problem for the courts and law enforcement…

AFTER:

ARJUN NAIR

Oh, and you already know what I’m not. While I have had my tangle with RAW as a former agent… we cannot trust them with our mission.

PRIYA RAO

What’s that? Kidnapping students posing as a professor?

ARJUN NAIR

I’m sorry about that Priya… I saw how you think… we need you…

PRIYA RAO

For what? I’m just a student…

ARJUN NAIR

You are aware of the unregulated financial market controlled by the Hawala… they can be very useful if you want to send money to your mother from a foreign country… or set up a new business without the hassles of paperwork… or they can even fund a terror attack in the capital… RAW has been hunting them for decades… with little success… we know who the players are but we can’t bring any charges… their business runs on word of mouth so they’re not big on paper trails… that’s a problem for the courts and law enforcement… but recently we found this…

BEFORE:

PRIYA RAO

Your flow charts are fascinating…

LINA

Oh, honey, I’ve been at this game a long time… god knows I want to bring these bastards down…

PRIYA RAO

How long…

LINA

Oh honey, I would need my own confession box for atonement… that’s how long…

PRIYA RAO

I like you… you’re not like the others…

LINA

Neither are you, honey.

AFTER:

PRIYA RAO

Wow, these models are fascinating. How long have you been working on them?

LINA

Oh, honey, I’ve been at this game a long time… god knows I want to bring these bastards down…

PRIYA RAO

You really believe in this…

LINA

Oh honey, this is my atonement…

PRIYA RAO

… you’re not like the others…

LINA

Neither are you, honey.

ANTICIPATORY DIALOGUE:

BEFORE:

INT. BATHROOM – DAY

Priya is in a bathroom stall when she hears voices.

SOFIA PETROVNA (O.S.)

Are we alone?

She pulls herself onto the seat when Meera checks to see if the stalls are empty.

MEERA

Yup.

Priya closes her eyes and visualises as she overhears a cryptic conversation between two team members (Meera & Sofia).

SOFIA PETROVNA (O.S.)

Are you positive…

MEERA (V.O.)

We have a deal…

SOFIA PETROVNA (O.S.)

You can trust me…

MEERA (O.S.)

That’s the thing… I don’t.

SOFIA PETROVNA (O.S.)

MAD then… mutually assured destruction…

MEERA (O.S.)

That’ll work…

SOFIA PETROVNA (O.S.)

Just a word of advice… you need to let go, babe… there are always other fish in the sea…

MEERA (O.S.)

You worry about you, yeah…

A toilet roll drops and they stop talking to investigate.

Meera kicks open the stall door and finds it empty.

SOFIA PETROVNA

Come on…

They leave in a hurry.

Priya drops onto the floor her arms hurting from balancing in the air spread eagle against the walls.

AFTER:

INT. BATHROOM – DAY

Priya is in a bathroom stall when she hears voices.

SOFIA PETROVNA (O.S.)

Are we alone?

She pulls herself onto the seat when Meera checks to see if the stalls are empty.

MEERA

Yup.

Priya closes her eyes and visualises as she overhears a cryptic conversation between two team members (Meera & Sofia).

SOFIA PETROVNA (O.S.)

Are you sure about this…

MEERA (O.S.)

Do we have a deal, babe?

SOFIA PETROVNA (O.S.)

You can trust me…

MEERA (O.S.)

That’s the thing… I don’t.

SOFIA PETROVNA (O.S.)

MAD then… mutually assured destruction…

MEERA (O.S.)

That’ll work…

SOFIA PETROVNA (O.S.)

some unsolicited advice… you need to get out there… always other fish in the pond or whatever…

MEERA (O.S.)

Don’t you worry about me, babe…

A toilet roll drops and they stop talking to investigate.

Meera kicks open the stall door and finds it empty.

SOFIA PETROVNA

Come on…

They leave in a hurry.

Priya drops onto the floor her arms hurting from balancing in the air spread eagle against the walls.

IRONIC DIALOGUE:

BEFORE:

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – DAY

RAGHAV (AKA The Hyena), the charismatic leader of the Hawala Network in his late 30s, is in the middle of his peculiar ritual…

RAGHAV

Come on… hurry up… the markets open soon…

Hawala operative shakily pens down the names on a ledger…

HAWALA OPERATIVE

That’s the last one boss… Please… I won’t tell…

Harsh moves to open the vault…

RAGHAV

leave it… let’s go…

Harsh lays down a blue tarp in front of the Hawala operative… Raghav pulls out a pistol…

HAWALA OPERATIVE

Boss… please… don’t…

Raghav checks the stock market opening digits and resets the code to his vault to match the digits.

He casually pulls the trigger… BANG!

RAGHAV

Another great morning!

Harsh wraps the Hawala operative and carries the body away…

AFTER:

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – DAY

RAGHAV (AKA The Hyena), the charismatic leader of the Hawala Network in his late 30s, is in the middle of his peculiar ritual…

RAGHAV

Come on… time up… the markets open soon…

Hawala operative shakily pens down the names on a ledger…

HAWALA OPERATIVE

(begging)

… last one boss… please… I won’t tell…

Harsh moves to open the vault…

RAGHAV

No. Leave that…

Harsh lays down a blue tarp in front of the Hawala operative…

Raghav pulls out a pistol… places it before an altar… prays with his folded arms… lights incense…

Raghav checks the stock market opening digits on the TV screen and resets the code to his vault to match the digits.

HAWALA OPERATIVE

Boss… please… don’t…

RAGHAV

This will be another glorious beginning!

… pulls the trigger… BANG! Blood gushes on the floor…

RAGHAV

Great morning!

Harsh wraps the Hawala operative and carries the body away…

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Dialogue 1 + 2

“What I learned doing this assignment is… that I was able to look at some scenes which could use attack/counterattack dialogue and added them to the scenes. I also looked at the main lead character dialogues and wrote to their profiles.”

Scene using Attack/Counterattack dialogue: Here Lina and Priya both have different perspectives, objectives, emotional states, and realities.

BEFORE:

INT. UNIVERSITY HALLWAY – DAY

Lina bumps into Priya in the hallway and flashes a badge. There’s a fleeting look of recognition or guilt that she quickly masks.

LINA

Priya? You don’t have to talk to me… but believe it or not… I’m a friend…

Priya opens her locker… ignores her…

LINA

Look… just tell me what happened with Radhika.

PRIYA RAO

What do you mean?

LINA

Your classmate… I heard you guys didn’t get along… you were accused of cheating from her… I don’t care about all that…

PRIYA RAO

I didn’t cheat… she did!

LINA

That’s motive, Priya. Did you kill her?

PRIYA RAO

Kill her? What are you saying?

LINA

Her class project was missing… do you have it?

PRIYA RAO

No! That’s it. I’m done talking…

LINA

Look I know about your father… I cannot imagine what the poor man would do if he heard his daughter is a murder suspect and a cheat.

PRIYA RAO

Get away from me… you’re no friend…

LINA

Don’t say I didn’t warn you… here… call me…

She leaves her contact inside the locker. Priya shuts the locker door and walks away in tears…

AFTER:

INT. UNIVERSITY HALLWAY – DAY

Priya sees her locker has been tampered with…

Lina bumps into her in the hallway. There’s a fleeting look of recognition or guilt that she quickly masks.

LINA

Uh… hey honey… Priya?… I’m a friend…

Priya opens her locker… ignores her…

LINA

Look… just tell me what happened with Radhika.

PRIYA RAO

Who are you… a cop?

LINA

Look honey… I heard you guys didn’t get along… you cheated from her on your paper… I don’t care about all that…

PRIYA RAO

I didn’t cheat… she did!

LINA

Listen… I don’t care, okay? I’m not here for that. But that’s motive, honey.

PRIYA RAO

Motive? Not like she’s dead…

LINA

Oh, haven’t you heard?

PRIYA RAO

What?… When? … Am I a suspect?

LINA

Look, honey… her class project was missing…

PRIYA RAO

And so what… you think… oh my god…

LINA

Priya… I’m just trying to help…

PRIYA RAO

No! I’m done talking…

LINA

Look… I cannot imagine what your father would do if he heard his daughter is a murder suspect and a cheat.

PRIYA RAO

How dare you? Get away from me…

LINA

Don’t say I didn’t warn you, honey… here… call me…

She slips her card into the locker. Priya bangs the locker door shut and walks away in tears…

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Completed P/S Grid #2

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to focus on scenes and characters for each scene and solve problems using the solutions from the problem/solutions grid 2”

1. Compared outline to the scenes – made changes to include the missing elements to make it work

2. Scenes that are not intriguing – added more intrigue

3. Weak scenes – increased challenges, intrigue and conflict

4. Reveals – made them more dramatic and shocking at the worst moments

5. Cliché scenes – changes locations for a few, added interesting action and dialogue to make them fresh

I still need to reduce my script pages from 68 pages which means I need to delete some scenes and rewrite but I’m hoping it will come to me as we move along through the remaining drafts.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Completed P/S Grid #1

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to look at big picture problems in my first draft and find possible solutions to fix them using the problem/solution grid1.”

I looked at three main areas to improve:

Structure – do my acts work? – I found that my climax actually comes in Act 5 followed by cliffhanger. I need to move this up. Also Act 2 midpoint could be stronger and the entire act could be paced faster – this will allow me to shed some of my pages as well.

Turning points – are they strong? – all look good except for the midpoint which can be stronger. Can I introduce a betrayal here?

ABC stories – are any missing and if not are they weighted as such?

I figured out that my C story is actually my A story in this case since the shocking event mystery asks the question: who is the mole in the team and so the secrets held by my heist team become the main focus while the actual heist and the covert operations becomes the B story while the antagonist’s story becomes the C story. Within this new ABC stories, I have 45% of the scenes related to A, 37% related to B and 18% related to C stories.

I still need to figure out the solutions for a more fast-packed Act 2 but I was able to add a stronger midpoint and moved a few scenes from ACT 2 to ACT 3 that can help create more red herrings for the mystery.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Has Finished Act 4 + 5

What I learned doing this assignment is… to use the high-speed writing skills to speed through my last two acts. I was able to write 20 pages in the two sessions in a single day and complete both my acts 4 & 5. I had fun writing my pilot although it is a bit long with 67 pages, I’m confident I can trim it down and delete some scenes in the subsequent drafts. I can see that it already has a lot of what I set out to do in my outline with intrigue, setups/payoffs and mysteries. I truly enjoyed writing my first draft.”

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Finished Act 3

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to speed write 10 pages of the entire act in less than 2 hours. I aimed for 30% quality knowing I would have to rewrite 70% of it in my subsequent drafts and that really helped put things in perspective. There are places I just copied what I had on my outline and moved on.”

• Rule 1: A

• Rule 2: A

• Rule 3: A

• Rule 4: A

• Rule 5: A

• Rule 6: A

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Finished Act 2

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to set a timer and write to my outline to complete my second act in one session. It was exciting to get the first draft done in record time. I was able to follow all the rules of high-speed writing consistently.”

• Rule 1: A. At the start of every writing session, I empowered myself to be confident and capable of finishing my first draft. When I got stuck or felt I needed more answers I cheered myself to keep moving forward.

• Rule 2: A. I lowered my standards and set a 30% quality for my first draft knowing I would improve it over successive drafts.

• Rule 3: A. Consistently challenged myself to write more pages in less time and improved my speed. Choosing speed over quality for my first draft. I wrote 5 pages in my first session, 10 in the second and 15 in my third…

• Rule 4: A. Whenever I felt stuck or needed to know more and felt I had to do research I told myself to just write knowing I would find the answers later.

• Rule 5: A. challenged myself to keep moving forward whenever I felt stuck or stalled.

• Rule 6: B. told myself that I will create something that I know can get better in the future. Jotted down ideas that came to make improvements later.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Finished Act 1 First Draft

“What I learned doing this assignment is… that I was able to see myself trying to stall to dig into research to move my story forward but I empowered myself to move on and was able to breeze through 15 pages to complete my first act. I know I have to look at page count in my next draft but for now, I’m sticking to my outline and writing to whatever the page count it might reach.”

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Teaser / High Speed Writing

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to use the high-speed writing rules and write my teaser. I was able to breeze through my first 5 pages of the teaser and it felt liberating not having to get it to perfection. It really helped to have a fully fleshed-out outline with intrigue. I’m hoping to keep the momentum going for the rest of the pilot.”

[Sunil Pappu]

Hi everyone, I will probably use the AI feedback for the first pass since I’m late to do this before the next module begins. But I’m happy to do so if you’re okay with an exchange after that. Let me know.

Title: Hawala Heist

Written By: Sunil R Pappu

Format/Genre: One-Hour Heist Thriller Series

Show Concept: A rookie RAW agent joins a crew of international thieves to penetrate an underground banking network to retrieve a ledger that can crash the financial world.

Pilot Logline: Rookie agent, Priya joins a heist team to decode messages to stop a terror attack that is used as a distraction for the sale of a ledger on the Hawala market.

Contact Info: sunilrappu@gmail.com

• This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Outline With Intrigue

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to identify the intrigue in each scene and list out the components. It helped to move the story along to create mystery, open loops, empathy/ distress, setups/payoff and irony.”

Title: Hawala Heist

Format/Genre: One-Hour Heist Thriller Series

Show Concept: A rookie RAW agent joins a crew of international thieves to penetrate an underground banking network to retrieve a ledger that can crash the financial world.

Pilot Concept: Rookie agent, Priya joins a heist team to decode messages to stop a terror attack that is used as a distraction for the sale of a ledger on the Hawala market.

Inciting Incident: Priya is forced to join the heist team to stop a terror attack when her class project turns into a real covert operation.

A Story: The covert operation

B Story: The Hawala network

C Story: Heist team secrets

Mystery 1: Who is the mole in the heist team who gave away their plan

Mystery 2: What is the ghost ledger and how do you steal it?

Impossible Goal: To steal the elusive ledger and bring down the powerful underground banking network of hawala

Major Conflict: Priya and the heist team have a mole that is working with the Hawala network they are trying to bring down by stealing the ghost ledger.

PILOT BEAT SHEET (with INTRIGUE)

Teaser

1. INTRIGUE 1: SECRET IDENTITY / INTRIGUING WORLD

EXT. BACK ALLEYS / FESTIVE CELEBRATIONS (MUMBAI) – EVENING

PRIYA RAO (AKA Rookie) weaves through the back alleys of Mumbai on a motorcycle and through the jam-packed streets with festive revelers in the pouring rain as she tries to lose the ominous figures tracking her to arrive at the safe house.

Open Loop: Who is chasing Priya?

Mystery: Why is Priya risking her life to get away?

Empathy/Distress: jam-packed streets when it’s literally your life on the line.

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: a figure in the shadows watching her arrive at the safe house

2. INTRIGUE 2: INTRIGUING WORLD / HIDDEN AGENDA

EXT/INT. SAFEHOUSE – NIGHT

Narrowly escaping, she arrives at a safe house, revealing a ledger from her backpack. The heist team including ARJUN NAIR (AN), MEERA VERMA (MV), SOFIA PETROVNA (SP), MANDEEP SINGH (MS), LINA CHEN (LC), question the ledger’s authenticity when heavily armed military trucks show up outside. They scurry into the woods to watch from a safe distance while the safe house is raided by RAW agents. Priya notices that the ledger is blank beyond the first few pages… The team is shocked—the real ledger is still out there, and they’ve been betrayed by one of their own.

Open Loop: why are RAW agents raiding the safe house?

Mystery: What’s in the ledger? Who are the heist team?

Empathy/Distress: after risking her life, the ledger turns out to be blank

Payoff:

Irony: risking her life for a fake ledger

Setup:

3. TEASER TURNING POINT: INTRIGUE 3: HIDDEN LAYER / MYSTERY

INT. DINER – DAY

Priya dejected for letting down the team and exhausted from the chase waits for her order when she discovers a secret compartment in her backpack. She finds a cryptic message in a book that reminds her of her childhood. The message triggers memories of her father’s mysterious gatherings and she leaves abruptly.

Open Loop: how is her father connected to the ledger?

Mystery: what were her father’s mysterious gatherings

Empathy/Distress: who is this girl who childhood was spent amongst strangers

Payoff: secret compartment in her backpack

Irony:

Setup: A cryptic message in the book reminds her of her childhood

Act 1:

4. INTIGUE 4: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR

INT. UNIVERSITY LAWNS – DAY

Priya traces patterns in the air as she tries to solve a math problem, she created from watching a group of students playing on the lawns. She ignores her CLASSMATES who are having fun at her expense and declines their invitation to go out for drinks.

Open Loop:

Mystery:

Empathy/Distress: nerdy girl who gets teased by her classmates

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: traces patterns and solves math problems

5. INTRIGUE 5: WOUND

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – EVENING

Priya interrupts her martial arts training is scribbling equations on the huge whiteboard in her room when a bell rings – her ailing FATHER is calling for her – interrupting her flow. She cares for her sick father, but her mind is preoccupied. She ignores a message from her classmates who post a picture of them having fun at a club. She tucks her father in and reads a book of puzzles to him and gets a brainwave that helps her crack her problem.

Open Loop:

Mystery: what problem is she trying to solve?

Empathy/Distress: caring for her ailing father while studying.

Payoff:

Irony: puzzles as bedtime stories

Setup: Priya has martial arts skills to defend herself and get out of tricky situations like the bathroom stall. She reads the book of puzzles to her dad which helps her crack the code that reveals a terror threat.

6. INTRIGUE 6: DECEPTION / MYSTERY / HIDDEN LAYER

INT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

HARSH MEHTA (AKA The Cobra) watches the crowd from his perch scanning for any threats. Priya’s classmates are a riot on the floor. SOFIA PETROVNA (AKA Chameleon) in disguise watches over the group and makes eye contact with Harsh. Sofia gets rattled and tries to shake it off in the bathroom and speaks into her earpiece that she’s been made. Harsh walks past a photo wall to enter the dungeon where they are holding a man bruised and tied to a chair, he breaks off his finger and walks away and almost bumps into Mandeep.

Open Loop: who is Sofia and why is she watching Priya’s classmates?

Mystery: Who is Sofia talking to? Why is she rattled? Why is Harsh torturing a man in the dungeon?

Empathy/Distress: a man being tortured in the dungeon.

Payoff:

Irony: screams of pain muffled by screams of joy and revelry

Setup: who is being tortured and why? The photo wall has a photo of Harsh, Arjun and Sofia that Mandeep finds.

7. INTRIGUE 7: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR / HIDDEN LAYER / WOUND

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – NIGHT

Priya is in a strange recurring dream involving symbols and numbers that she doesn’t understand, hinting at her hidden lineage and her mind’s mysterious workings. She screams as she is plunged into the abyss. She wakes up from her nightmare shaken. She scribbles down some of the numbers and symbols. She sneaks into her father’s room and takes the couch holding her book close to her chest as she tries to fall back asleep.

Open Loop: What do the symbols in Priya’s dream mean?

Mystery: why does she have these recurring dreams?

Empathy/Distress: She wakes up from a nightmare

Payoff:

Irony: the symbols in her dream are suppressed memories

Setup: the book of symbols helps her crack the code

8. INTRIGUE 8: DECEPTION / WOUND

INT. LECTURE HALL – DAY

Priya and her classmates are given a problem in class by the PROFESSOR. Priya’s talent in pattern recognition and cryptanalysis shines during the project but she catches a classmate trying to steal her work. Priya is publicly accused by her professor of stealing another student’s work, a plot to test her reactions under pressure. Priya’s professor apologizes and commends her work after everyone leaves.

Open Loop:

Mystery: why is the professor playing games with her

Empathy/Distress: she is falsely accused of cheating in public.

Payoff: Priya’s talent in pattern recognition and cryptanalysis shines during the class project

Irony: her classmate stole her work, and she is accused of cheating

Setup: The professor tests her reactions under pressure; Priya’s motives for the murder of her classmate later…

9. INTRIGUE 9: HIDDEN AGENDA / SECRET IDENTITY

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – EVENING

Priya sees a complex puzzle left by someone in her book. It has symbols similar to ones from her recurring dream. Priya tries to solve the puzzle with a distinctive pattern in her cryptanalysis work. She doesn’t know who left it for her or even if there is a right answer. Priya shows her work to her father who tears up.

Open Loop: who left the puzzle in her book?

Mystery: how are the symbols from her dream connected to the puzzle?

Empathy/Distress: Priya didn’t have a normal childhood.

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: Priya’s father recognizes her distinct pattern in her cryptanalysis

10. INTRIGUE 10: HIDDEN LAYER / CONSPIRACY

INT. DINER – EVENING

Priya takes her father out to the diner to get some fresh air and clear her mind. Her father’s memory is fuzzy, and he cannot answer Priya’s questions about her childhood. Her professor bumps into them and questions her father about the Hawala network. Her father gets agitated and Priya tells her professor off.

Open Loop: why is Priya’s father agitated?

Mystery: Why does Priya’s professor question her dad about the Hawala?

Empathy/Distress: Priya wants answers that her father can’t give

Payoff: Her two worlds collide.

Irony: she wants to clear her mind while her father’s memory is a clean slate

Setup: what is priya’s father’s link in Hawala… this drives her to discover her secret identity through the series.

11. INTRIGUE 11: IMMINENT THREAT / MYSTERY

EXT. CLUB – NIGHT

Priya’s classmate leaves the club carrying her class project in her backpack. She is drunk and finds herself on a deserted lane. Someone is following her. She speeds up her pace but the boots catch up with her as she hits a dead-end.

Open Loop: who is following her?

Mystery: What is in her backpack?

Empathy/Distress: a drunk girl being followed in a deserted lane at night

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: what happens to this girl who accused Priya of cheating? She turns up dead and Priya is a suspect.

12. INTRIGUE 12: INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP / SUSPICION / DECEPTION

INT. UNIVERSITY HALLWAY – DAY

Lina bumps into Priya in the hallway and flashes a badge. There’s a fleeting look of recognition or guilt that she quickly masks pretending to be a RAW agent. She questions Priya about the murder of her classmate and her missing class project file. Lina reacts with a subtle but noticeable discomfort when Priya talks about her father, hinting at a shared history. She leaves her contact if she needs a friend. Priya walks away in tears as she is now being accused of murder.

Open Loop: who is Lina and why is she disguised as a RAW agent?

Mystery: Why would one of Priya’s classmates be murdered for a class project?

Empathy/Distress: Priya is being setup for murder

Payoff: Priya has a motive and is a suspect in the murder of her classmate

Irony:

Setup: Lina and Priya’s complicated relationship

13. INTRIGUE 13: IMMINENT THREAT / CONSPIRACY

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

Priya is in class still shaken from her interaction in the hallway. Real RAW agents shuffle into the back row during the lecture. Professor abruptly ends his lecture. Priya’s professor is suddenly detained by intelligence agents in the middle of a lecture. Priya is handed a classified dossier by a RAW agent.

Open Loop: who is the Professor

Mystery: Why are RAW agents detaining her professor

Empathy/Distress: What has Priya got mixed up in

Payoff:

Irony: A professor who has accused her of lying is not being detained for the same

Setup: For Priya this is where she will end up if she crossed the RAW agents

14. INTRIGUE 14: IMMINENT THREAT / HIDDEN AGENDA / SECRET IDENTITY

INT. PROFESSOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Priya is seated across from the RAW agent going through the dossier. It reveals that the unsanctioned ops is a personal agenda of her professor. They question her about the professor and his covert operation and threaten to dig up her father’s past. The agent holds her down in the chair and gives her a choice – walk away or become an accomplice and face the wrath of the RAW agency. Priya takes the classified dossier and leaves.

Open Loop: what is the unsanctioned op?

Mystery: Who is her professor really? What has her father done?

Empathy/Distress: Priya’s dilemma – either choice she loses.

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: For Priya to reveal her secret identity

15. INTRIGUE 15: HIDDEN LAYER / SECRET IDENTITY

INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT

Priya on her computer looks for clues. She digs into the classified dossier to find a much larger conspiracy. Her professor is playing a role that’s more than academic. Priya has to decide what to do. A symbol that she’s seen before on the class project stops her in her tracks.

Open Loop: what is the larger conspiracy?

Mystery: What do these symbols mean?

Empathy/Distress: Priya has been played by her professor

Payoff: the class project was a real op

Irony:

Setup: for Priya’s double life.

16. INTRIGUE 16: HIDDEN LAYER / INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – NIGHT

Priya unlocks her secret locker that has her class project file. Priya deciphers an encrypted message that reveals a terror threat. She has an impossible choice to make that can sacrifice her father and her own safety. She checks on her father who is unaware of her secret life. Priya contacts Lina who she thinks can help her.

Open Loop: what is the terror threat?

Mystery: Who sent this encrypted message?

Empathy/Distress: Priya has to make a difficult choice.

Payoff: Priya’s decoding skills reveal a terror threat.

Irony: Lina is not her friend.

Setup: the secret locker. Leads to her dad’s secret vault. She joins the heist team as cipher.

17. ACT 1 TURNING POINT: INTRIGUE 17: DECEPTION / IMMINENT THREAT / HIDDEN LAYER

EXT. SURVEILLANCE VAN – DAY

Priya reaches the university lawns when a surveillance van approaches her. Two masked men jump out, throw a bag over her head and drag her into the van. Priya tries to resist using martial arts but she is overpowered, bound and gagged. Priya is thrown into the back and the van drives away. She lets out a muffled scream as she looks out through the burlap sack. Priya starts counting and can visualize the space as they drive through from the sounds. She is now part of the covert team as a cipher.

Open Loop: who kidnapped Priya?

Mystery:

Empathy/Distress: Will Priya be harmed?

Payoff: Priya surprises her captures with her martial art skills. Lina who acts as friend is in the van.

Irony:

Setup: Priya’s visualizing skills helps has passed her test and is now part of the covert team as a cipher.

Act 2:

18. INTRIGUE 18: INTRIGUING WORLD / INTRIGUING RELAATIONSHIPS / HIDDEN LAYERS

INT. SECRET DEN – DAY

Priya’s blindfolds are taken off and she’s now in a secret den of master thieves. Priya must earn the trust of the team. She must navigate the complex chemistry of her companions – Arjun’s vendetta, Meera’s ghosts, Sofia’s missing pieces, Mandeep’s shadows, and Lina’s penance. Priya punches Mandeep for her chaffed hands. Lina breaks up the fight and drags her away.

Open Loop: what secrets are the members of the heist team each holding?

Mystery: What are they trying to steal?

Empathy/Distress: Priya is forced to work with these master thieves

Payoff: Class project was all a test to get Priya to trigger the unsanctioned op

Irony:

Setup: for complex relationship dynamics. Priya is not just a geek but can defend herself if needed.

19. INTRIGUE 19: SECRET IDENTITY / HIDDEN AGENDA /IMMINENT THREAT

INT. PLANNING ROOM – EVENING

The professor, Arjun codenamed “Raven, shows his true self and introduces everyone to Priya. Arjun reveals his meticulous plan to infiltrate the Hawala network. Priya interrupts him to reveal the message that points to an imminent terror attack. The heist team doesn’t believe her and sees no threat. Arjun backs Priya for now.

Open Loop: what is the Hawala network and why infiltrate it?

Mystery: what is the terror plot and who is behind it? Why is no one believing Priya?

Empathy/Distress: Priya is a rookie trying to play in the big leagues

Payoff: Arjun’s plan was to recruit Priya all along

Irony: Arjun backs Priya after he publicly humiliated her in class

Setup: Priya needs to earn their trust for them to believe her.

20. INTRIGUE 20: WOUND / STRANGE BEHAVIOR / SECRET

EXT. SECRET DEN – NIGHT

Arjun looks at the encrypted message and recalls his sister. Arjun’s flashback takes him to his failed attempt to stop a terror attack that killed his sister. Arjun suffers from PTSD but he masks it with his stoic demeanour. He is seen on the phone in rage with fists flying and the team is worried about his erratic behavior.

Open Loop: What is causing Arjun’s PTSD?

Mystery: What happened to Arjun’s sister?

Empathy/Distress: For Arjun who tries to mask his shortcomings as a leader of the team

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: for Arjun’s PTSD to resurface during a crucial moment to stop the terror attack

21. INTRIGUE 21:

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Meera (AKA Ghost) navigates the digital world with unequalled skill. Her computer pings with the message, and she quickly closes it before anyone can see it. She receives a cryptic message that visibly disturbs her, but she dismisses it when questioned by Priya. She is haunted by a past she seeks to obliterate. Meera closes the chat window on her secret online romance.

Open Loop: Who is Meera secretly communicating with? Is it just an innocent lover?

Mystery: Why does Meera dismiss the cryptic message when questioned by Priya?

Empathy/Distress: Meera is being haunted by her past

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: for Meera’s past to be revealed by her secret lover in a hack

22. INTRIGUE 22: CONSPIRACY / HIDDEN AGENDA

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

Sofia (AKA Chameleon) is drinking with music blaring as she tries on various disguises. Sofia sees her sister’s shadow every time she looks in the mirror. She wants to find her missing sister. She pulls out a burner phone, types a coded message and hides it in her makeup bag. Sofia throws her drink at the mirror and cracks it.

Open Loop: Who is Sofia really? What happened to her sister?

Mystery: Who is Sofia secretly texting?

Empathy/Distress: She has been under so many disguises that she doesn’t know whom she is anymore

Payoff:

Irony: An actress who hates looking at herself in the mirror

Setup: For when we find out about her search for missing sister

23. INTRIGUE 23: SECRET / INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP

INT. MANDEEP’S ROOM – NIGHT

Mandeep opens his laptop and starts to change his soiled clothes. His laptop shows surveillance cameras installed in all the private rooms. Mandeep is secretly watching the team. Mandeep zooms in on Sofia’s room and sees her undress. He continues to watch when she disappears. He hears a knock on his door and quickly hides his surveillance equipment to open the door. Sofia wades in with a drink.

Open Loop: Why is Mandeep watching his own teammates secretly?

Mystery: Will Mandeep ever get to know the real Sofia? What is Mandeep’s real mission?

Empathy/Distress: Mandeep is a consolation prize for Sofia and will probably get his heartbroken.

Payoff:

Irony: Sofia and Mandeep are Beauty and the Beast!

Setup: For When we find out Mandeep ‘s real mission is to find a mole in RAW.

24. INTRIGUE 24: INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP / HIDDEN LAYER

INT. PLANNING ROOM – DAY

Priya looks through the “Oracle, ”Lina’s financial flow charts in awe. Lina watches her from the door and smiles. She approaches her with a familiarity almost as if she’s known her from before. Priya is caught off guard. Lina feels guilty for her past actions. She tells Priya this is her atonement for her past misdeeds.

Open Loop: what is Lina and Priya’s real connection?

Mystery: Why is Lina protective of Priya? What is she hiding about her past.

Empathy/Distress: Lina is an old soul who has much to atone for before her time runs out.

Payoff:

Irony: They complete each other. Lina is like the mother she has never known

Setup: for Priya who later recalls Lina as one of her father’s friends who visited her in her childhood.

25. INTRIGUE 25: CONSPIRACY / IMMINENT THREAT

INT. BATHROOM – DAY

Priya is in a bathroom stall when she hears voices. She pulls herself onto the seat when Meera checks to see if the stalls are empty. Priya closes her eyes and visualises as she overhears a cryptic conversation between two team members (Meera & Sofia). The toilet roll drops and they stop talking to investigate. Meera kicks open the stall door and finds it empty. They leave in a hurry. Priya drops onto the floor her arms hurting from balancing in the air spread eagle against the walls.

Open Loop: What are Meera and Sofia hiding from the rest of the team, especially Priya?

Mystery: Will Priya get caught? Is there a mole in the team?

Empathy/Distress: Priya overhears a conversation she shouldn’t have and could be in danger if she’s caught.

Payoff: Priya’s martial arts gets her out of a tricky situation.

Irony:

Setup: red herring for the mole in the team. Priya’s capabilities of visualizing.

26. INTRIGUE 26: INTRIGUING WORLD / STRANGE BEHAVIOR / MYSTERY

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Raghav (AKA The Hyena), the charismatic leader of the Hawala Network has a peculiar ritual or superstition he follows religiously, believing it’s the source of his success. The ledger he keeps goes against the rules of doing Hawala business and becomes the Achilles’ heel exploited by the heist team. Raghav secures the ledger in a high-security vault that he boasts is impenetrable.

Open Loop: What is in the ledger?

Mystery: Who is Raghav and why is he breaking the rules to keep a ledger?

Empathy/Distress: Raghav’s superstitions are secretly mocked behind his back

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: Raghav’s superstition becomes his Achilles heels. His impregnable vault is broken into by the heist team.

27. INTRIGUE 27: DECEPTION / IMMINENT THREAT

EXT/INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – DAY

The heist team takes position to breach the Hawala headquarters. Meera discovers real-time surveillance feeds that were previously undetected, indicating they have walked into a trap. Armed men detect the team and exchange gunfire. The heist team retaliates and aborts their mission to fall back when some of them sustain injuries. Arjun grabs a Hawala operative as they make their escape.

Open Loop: Was their plan to break in already leaked? By whom?

Mystery: Will the team get out alive?

Empathy/Distress:

Payoff: there is a mole and it can be anyone – Meera, Sofia, Lina, Mandeep or even Arjun.

Irony: The hunter becomes the hunted

Setup: The Hawala operative who is captured gives them a way in.

28. INTRIGUE 28: HIDDEN AGENDA / SUSPICION / STRANGE BEHAVIOUR

INT. SECRET DEN – DAY

Arjun is in a heated argument with a superior at RAW who warns Arjun to stand down or be hunted down by RAW agents. Arjun is driven by his vendetta to stop going after the Hawala network. Arjun enters the basement to torture the Hawala operative. Mandeep suggests they let the Hawala operative go but Arjun lashes out at him

Open Loop: Why is Arjun holding a hostage?

Mystery: Who is Arjun arguing with and why?

Empathy/Distress: Mandeep’s suggestion causes Arjun to lash out at him

Payoff: RAW agents who stormed into his office to detain him were sent by his former superiors to warn him off the op

Irony:

Setup: What is the RAW’s role in the Hawala?

29. INTRIGUE 29: HIDDEN LAYER / CONSPIRACY

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – EVENING

Raghav examines a complex financial chart indicating a drastic plan. He hides the plan when Harsh approaches him to report on the missing operative. Raghav casually mentions a “game-changing move” during a phone call, with a ledger in the background. Initiating the sale of a secret ledger will have global implications. Raghav hides the ledger in the vault. It is a fake because the real one is in the briefcase when he gets into his rooftop chopper.

Open Loop: What is the ledger sale?

Mystery: Who is Raghav talking to?

Empathy/Distress: Raghav doesn’t trust Harsh his most loyal lieutenant.

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: The ledger is a fake.

30. INTRIGUE 30: HIDDEN AGENDA / DECEPTION

INT. CASH ROOM/HAWALA EXCHANGE – EVENING

Harsh is counting out cash and dumping them into a duffel bag. One of the Hawala operatives is bleeding out in the corner. Harsh is looting cash from his own cash room. He loads the bag into a truck which has a terrorist flag on it. He orchestrates a shoot-out to make it look like a burglary and shoots the dying operative in his head.

Open Loop: Why is Harsh secretly funding terrorists?

Mystery: Why does Harsh orchestrate a shoot-out on his own operatives?

Empathy/Distress: For the operatives who are killed by their own boss

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: For the terror plot.

31. INTRIGUE 31: SUSPICION / IMMINENT THREAT

EXT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – NIGHT

Sofia walks into the Hawala Exchange and notices that something is amiss when no one stops her. She talks into her embedded earpiece, but Arjun hears only static in the sewers. He sees a light ahead and races to catch up. Harsh comes up behind Arjun and puts a gun to his head. Sofia sees the dead operative and freaks out. Arjun and Harsh get into a fistfight. Arjun’s secret vendetta comes to light. Sofia is held at gunpoint. Arjun surrenders when Harsh’s men confirm it on the walkie. Police sirens save them from Harsh and his men but now they are trapped. Arjun and Sofia narrowly escape through an opening in the sewers.

Open Loop: Will Sofia lead the team to their death?

Mystery: Will Arjun get his revenge on Harsh?

Empathy/Distress: Arjun loses signal in the sewers unaware of who he may confront in there. Sofia held at gunpoint. The team is trapped with the police closing in.

Payoff: Why did Harsh let Sofia go? Sofia’s secret texts could be what tipped off Harsh.

Irony:

Setup: Is Sofia the mole they are looking for?

32. INTRIGUE 32:

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Priya watches the body cam footage from Sofia and notices a message in the cash room which she decodes. However, it points to a hidden ledger implicating her father, casting doubts on her loyalty. Priya smashes the TV screen and runs off. Priya rides her motorbike dangerously back into the city.

Open Loop: How is Priya’s father connected to the hidden ledger?

Mystery: What is the secret message? How does Priya know to look for it?

Empathy/Distress: Priya is under suspicion when her father is implicated in the hidden ledger.

Payoff:

Irony: Priya cracks a code that implicated her father.

Setup:

33. MID POINT: INTRIGUE 33: HIDDEN LAYER / DILEMMA

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – NIGHT

Priya does her martial arts routine as she sees her father’s name flash on the message. She is torn between proving her father’s innocence and stopping a terror attack. She will have to sacrifice her father’s safety. Priya writes a note for her father and leaves without saying her goodbyes. Priya back on her motorbike, her father reads the note and weeps.

Open Loop: Will Priya sacrifice her father to save innocent lives?

Mystery: What does her note say?

Empathy/Distress: Priya has an impossible choice between two equally bad choices.

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: for Priya to prove her father’s innocence.

Act 3:

34. INTRIGUE 34: SUSPICION / INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP / HIDDEN LAYER

INT. SECRET DEN – DAY

Arjun redraws plans to find the hidden ledger. Priya is missing and she is the suspected mole in the team. The team needs to find the hidden ledger and Priya’s father is their best bet. Arjun proposes taking him hostage but Lina protests. He questions their captive Hawala operative on the ledger.

Open Loop: Will the team turn on Priya? Will Priya’s father be safe?

Mystery: Why does Lina stop Arjun for taking Priya’s father hostage to question him?

Empathy/Distress: For Priya who is now suspected as the mole.

Payoff: Torturing the captive operative is the only option left.

Irony:

Setup: For the heist to find the ledger, for Priya to win the trust of the team. Lina’s protests makes the team question her hidden agenda.

35. INTRIGUE 35: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR / SUSPICION / HIDDEN AGENDA

INT. ABANDONED MANSION – DAY

Priya goes through her father’s library for clues. Cut-off from her the team, she starts her own investigation to prove her father’s innocence. She clears out the basement to create her own suspect board and pins up pictures, symbols, messages to start her investigation.

Open Loop: Will Priya’s investigation prove her father’s innocence?

Mystery: Will Priya be trusted by the team again?

Empathy/Distress: For Priya who is cut-off and on her own trying to rpove her father’s innocence.

Payoff: The symbols from her vivid dreams are momories

Irony:

Setup:

36. INTRIGUE 36: HIDDEN LAYER / IMMINENT THREAT

INT. BEDROOM/ABANDONED MANSION – NIGHT

Priya sees glimpses into the ledger’s contents. She decrypts messages that point to a financial crash. She grapples with the devastating consequences if it falls into the wrong hands. Priya packs her backpack with the decrypted messages and rides out in the dead of night blindfolded.

Open Loop: What do the cryptic flashes of the leger content mean?

Mystery: Will priya be able to avert the financial crash?

Empathy/Distress: Priya is trying to single-handedly fight a major conspiracy.

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: Priya to discover her secret identity.

37. INTRIGUE 37: STRANGE BEHAVIOR / SUSPICION / IMMINENT THREAT

EXT/INT. SECRET DEN – NIGHT

Priya on the bike counts a turn and ends up on a dirt road. Arjun in the control room, watches surveillance cameras that show him the main road and the captive operative in the dungeon. Steps away from the cameras. Priya takes off her blindfold as she sneaks closer to the den. Arjun steps outside for a smoke and hears rustling. He goes to take a closer look. Priya sneaks inside and gets into the control room. Sees Arjun on the monitor. She rummages through the files and notices the captive on screen. Arjun closes the screen door as he gets back in. Priya blocks out the dungeon camera and shows a symbol to the captive. Arjun comes out of the washroom and looks at the cameras. He sees everything is clear. Priya uses the blind spots to get away.

Open Loop: Why is Priya risking getting caught by the team who doesn’t trust her?

Mystery: How does Priya find a safe house she never saw? What will they do to Priya if she gets caught?

Empathy/Distress: Will Priya have an accident riding with her blindfold and die?

Payoff: Priya was also trained to use her hearing to visualize routes

Irony: The safe house is not safe if Priya can find it blindfolded.

Setup: The symbol is the key for Priya to break into the Hawala headquarters.

38. INTRIGUE 38: SUSPICION / IMMINENT THREAT

INT. PLANNING ROOM – DAY

Arjun is looking for a dossier and makes a mess. He is agitated that there is a leak. Mandeep rewinds the surveillance and sees Priya enter the dungeon. Arjun approaches the suspect board and pierces a knife through Priya’s photo on the board. He bursts into the dungeon to question the captive who screams for help.

Open Loop:

Mystery: Will Priya get caught by Arjun and his team?

Empathy/Distress: What will they do to Priya once they catch her? Will they torture her like the captive operative?

Payoff: Mandeep’s surveillance skills; suspect to be tortured

Irony: Priya a rookie steals from a highly trained and seasoned group of thieves.

Setup: Priya becomes the prime suspect as the mole. Will her fate be the same as the captive?

39. INTRIGUE 39: DECEPTION / STRANGE BEHAVIOUR / SECRET IDENTITY

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Meera has digital traces running on her computer. A security breach alert pops on her screen and she tries to override it but it backfires. Meera’s photo from her past association dances on her screen as a screensaver. She frantically starts to unplug her system. She has been hacked and now it’s a looming threat to the team. Meera dumps her hard disks and fries them in the microwave.

Open Loop: Will Meera’s past be discovered by her teammates?

Mystery: Who is hacking into their system? What is Meera hiding?

Empathy/Distress: Meera’s past catches up to her.

Payoff: Meera’s secret online romance is ruse to take her down

Irony: The hacker gets hacked

Setup: Red herring – Meera is the mole.

40. INTRIGUE 40: INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP / DECEPTION / IMMINENT THREAT / SECRET

INT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

Sofia in disguise gets drunk, pushes Mandeep away and turns off her comms. He gets out before his cover is blown. Sofia stumbles into the basement and seduces a guard to get past the door knocking him unconscious. She turns on the lights to see a man dead on the floor. She turns away to go back out before she notices a picture of her sister on the floor where the blood has run off.

Open Loop: Will Mandeep discover Sofia’s secret?

Mystery: What is Sofia’s picture (it’s her twin sister) doing next to a dead man?

Empathy/Distress: Sofia is trapped with a dead body in the room

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: Sofia’s secret agenda to find her sister. Red herring – is she the mole?

41. INTRIGUE 41: SUSPICION / DECEPTION / HIDDEN AGENDA

EXT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

Mandeep pulls out a photo from his pocket that he stole from the club. The photo shows a young Sofia with Arjun and Harsh. He grapples with suspicion and loyalty as he takes a call. The person on the other line reminds him of his mission and asks if he found the mole yet. He folds the photo and puts it away before he answers.

Open Loop: What is the connection between Arjun, Sofia and Harsh?

Mystery: Will Mandeep recover from his broken heart?

Empathy/Distress: Mandeep gets his heart broken. Mandeep’s dilemma.

Payoff: Mandeep brushes past the photo wall at the club. Mandeep’s real mission

Irony: Mandeep is tasked to find the mole while all along he is the mole for his RAW superiors.

Setup: Who is Mandeep working for? Is he being used to spy on the team?

42. INTRIGUE 42: INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP / SUSPICION / WOUND

INT. CONTROL ROOM – DAY

Mandeep and Arjun have a private conversation. He shows signs of genuine respect and camaraderie, which conflicts with his earlier suspicion. Mandeep questions his suspicion of Arjun being the mole. Arjun tears up as he relates his story about his sister. He consoles Arjun.

Open Loop: Will Mandeep put loyalty to his mentor over his mission?

Mystery: Will Mandeep confront Arjun?

Empathy/Distress: Arjun’s loss of his sister. Mandeep’s dilemma

Payoff: Mentor and student relationship.

Irony:

Setup: Red herring – Arjun is the mole?

43. INTRIGUE 43: DECEPTION / INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP / HIDDEN LAYER

INT. MOBILE REPAIR SHOP – DAY

Lina waits to walk into a mobile repair shop and asks for a top-up. The owner nods and leads her through a false door into the back. She pulls out bungles of cash and sets them on the table. The old Hawala operative behind the counter recognizes her. The owner walks out to close the shutters. The operative takes the money, pulls out two shot glasses and smiles as he pours a drink. Lina dips her finger to taste it and then smiles to toast like old friends.

Open Loop: Why is Lina so familiar to the owner?

Mystery: What is this place a front for? Who is Lina?

Empathy/Distress: Lina walks into a tense situation

Payoff: Lina always knows intricate details about the Hawala operations. These are some of her anonymous sources.

Irony: mobile shop is a front for hawala operations

Setup: Lina has friends across the aisle. She knows more than she lets on.

44. INTRIGUE 44: CONSPIRACY / STRANGE BEHAVIOUR / HIDDEN AGENDA / IMMINENT THREAT

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Raghav is on a video call with heads of state and dictators. He finishes going through his entire portfolio before the stock market opens every day and resets his vault to the market opening digits. He keeps everyone on hold as they are frustrated with the delay. Raghav tells them to get on with his plan or he will crash the market and release their secrets. Raghav demonstrates the ticking clock that coincides with the stock market clock and how they will change their fortunes by the end of the day in 48 hours.

Open Loop: Will Raghav’s blackmail to dictators work or backfire on him?

Mystery: What is Raghav’s plan?

Empathy/Distress: For heads of state who are forced to put up with Raghav’s eccentric behavior.

Payoff: For the susperstition of changing his vault passcodes.

Irony:

Setup: Raghav’s strange ritual will be his downfall

45. INTRIGUE 45: DECEPTION / IMMINENT THREAT / HIDDEN AGENDA

INT. SERVER ROOM/HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – EVENING

Priya disguised as a technician shows her badge at the gate. Priya evades the guards and slips into the basement with an access card she swiped from a guard to access the server room. She unlocks the server room and searches for the video cables. She hacks into the video feed to Raghav’s control room. She sees the video on her phone and records it before she hears someone at the door. She sneaks back out and dumps her card and clothes as she races off on her bike.

Open Loop: Will Priya get caught trying to sneak into the Hawala HQ?

Mystery: What is on the video feeds that Priya records?

Empathy/Distress: Priya risks her life by entering an armed fortress under false identity.

Payoff:

Irony: Priya accused of stealing can actually be quite good at it

Setup: Priya to win back trust of her teammates and join back.

46. ACT 3 TURNING POINT: INTRIGUE 46:

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Priya drives to the safe house and is caught on the surveillance cameras. Mandeep grabs his sidearm, but Arjun stops him. She walks back into the den with all the team members waiting for her. Everyone thinks she is the mole and wants to grab her. Priya with her raised hands pulls out her phone and plugs it into the big screen to play Raghav’s video feed. She tells them there is a ledger that is going to be auctioned for sale in 48 hours that potentially has a list of sleeper agents, and the terror attack is a coverup. She believes her father was being framed to take the fall.

Open Loop: Where is the ledger sale? What is on the ledger?

Mystery: Does Priya have a death wish?

Empathy/Distress: Priya who walks back into a den of thieves who don’t trust her

Payoff: Terror attack is a coverup for the sale.

Irony:

Setup: What will the team do to stop both?

Act 4:

47. INTRIGUE 47: INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP/ IMMINENT THREAT

INT. PLANNING ROOM – DAY

Lina confirms the sale and backs Priya up. They work together to pinpoint the terror plot. Arjun and the rest of the team need to find the ledger and stop its sale. The team splits into two – Lina and Priya work on the terror plot while Meera, Arjun, Sofia and Mandeep go into the field to locate the ledger. Priya wants to prove her father’s innocence and keeps digging into the ledger’s origins.

Open Loop: Will the team succeed in stopping both the terror attack and the ledger sale? Why is Lina so protective of Priya? What is their connection?

Mystery: Where is the terror attack and how can the heist team stop it?

Empathy/Distress: The team has two equally impossible choices – recover the ledger or stop a terror attack

Payoff: Lina’s trip to the mobile store to catch up with old friends

Irony:

Setup: Priya discovers her own origin story.

48. INTRIGUE 48: INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP / IMMINENT THREAT

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – DAY

Priya digs into the father’s files. She discovers a past alias of her father that connects him to the Hawala network. Priya questions her father about his connections, but he draws a blank. She calls Lina who dismisses ever hearing that name. RAW agents enter their home catching her off guard. Priya is knocked unconscious and tied up.

Open Loop: Why does Priya’s father have an alias with the Hawala network?

Mystery: Is Priya’s father hiding from her or does he really have dementia?

Empathy/Distress: Priya is helpless and unable to save her father from the agents. Old man with dementia.

Payoff: RAW agent follows through on his threat

Irony:

Setup: Lina dismissed Priya’s father’s alias as unrelated to the Hawala. Who tipped off the RAW agents Who is the real mole?

49. INTRIGUE 49: IMMINENT THREAT / HIDDEN LAYER

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – EVENING

Priya is tied to a chair when she comes to. She is interrogated by the RAW agent. He forces her to reveal her secret agenda and threatens her father’s safety. Another agent shows her a video of her father in captivity. Priya crumbles and shares her discovery of her father’s connection.

Open Loop: What is Priya’s true identity and how is she related to the ledger?

Mystery: What do the RAW agents want from Priya? How is her father connected to the Hawala?

Empathy/Distress: Priya is tortured and threatened for her father’s safety

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: Will Priya now do their bidding and become the mole?

50. INTRIGUE 50: IMMINENT THREAT / DECEPTION / DILEMMA

EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – NIGHT

Arjun waits in his unmarked van when a car pulls up. RAW agents get out and hold him at gunpoint to step out. He is shown Priya and her father in captivity and threatened to drop his unsanctioned op or lose one of his teammates. Arjun fights the RAW agents and extractions the location of Priya’s captivity. He takes a hostage and rides out.

Open Loop: Will RAW agents target Arjun’s heist team to shut them down?

Mystery: Will Arjun fight for Priya or put the mission over his team?

Empathy/Distress: Arjun is outnumbered and unarmed.

Payoff: Arjun and RAW superiors argument on dropping the op

Irony:

Setup: Arjun’s rescue attempt of Priya and her father.

51. INTRIGUE 51: INTRIGUING WORLD / IMMINENT THREAT / DILEMMA

EXT/INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Meera from an unmarked van talks to Sofia and Mandeep through the surveillance at the Hawala Headquarters. Her workstation lights up with a flood of incriminating evidence planted against her. She uses her hacking skills in real-time to unmask an old associate from her dark past who has infiltrated their system. Meera is cornered and with a gun to her head, has to choose between saving her own life or risking everything to help the team. Meera outsmarts the old rival and hacks into their network instead; pinpointing the location of the ledger that she shares with Sofia. She takes a bullet before she kills the gunman.

Open Loop: Will Meera compromise the mission to save herself?

Mystery: Will Meera beat the hacker this time?

Empathy/Distress: Meera takes a bullet and bleeds out.

Payoff: For the hack she panicked earlier but now she can outsmart her rival

Irony:

Setup: Red herring – Meera could be the mole all along.

52. INTRIGUE 52: SUSPICION / DILEMMA

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Mandeep’s flawless execution of tasks is compromised when his emotions for Sofia cloud his judgment, especially as he stumbles upon clues that suggest she might be involved with the Hawala network.

Open Loop: Will Mandeep protect Sofia or reveal her secret?

Mystery: Will Sofia manipulate Mandeep again?

Empathy/Distress: Mandeep who is hopelessly in love with Sofia

Payoff: Sofia teases Mandeep after breaking his heart.

Irony: Love over loyalty

Setup: Red Herring – Will Mandeep become an accomplice to Sofia’s conspiracy

53. INTRIGUE 53: DECEPTION / HIDDEN LAYER

INT. LOWER LEVEL/HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

One of the Hawala operatives recognizes Sofia. She is startled and plays along to accompany the operative until she slips away in time as her sister emerges. She hears her sister’s voice and hides. She ducks into a bathroom and throws up. Sofia looks at the mirror and sees her ghastly face (twin sister’s face) staring back at her.

Open Loop: Why are Hawala operatives taking orders from Sofia?

Mystery: Who is Sofia? Does she have a doppelganger?

Empathy/Distress: Sofia is disgusted with herself. Has she done something she will regret?

Payoff: Her intro in the mirror that shows her many disguises to now her real unvarnished self and she can’t stomach what she sees.

Irony: She is worried for her sister while we are worried for her.

Setup: Red herring – Sofia is the mole. Also, for us to find out about Sofia’s twin sister who is not missing but working inside the Hawala network with Raghav.

54. INTRIGUE 54: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR / HIDDEN AGENDA / SUSPICION

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

Sofia stares at a photo of her younger self (the photo is of her twin sister). RAW agent (younger Mandeep) asks her about her childhood. She hesitates before answering. Sofia’s memory flashes to her sister playing, her sister playing with her dress-up dolls then taking a hand and walking away with a twinkle in her eyes. Sofia nods as the RAW agent assures her, she is home now.

Open Loop: What happened to Sofia in her childhood?

Mystery: Who is the adult who she walked off with?

Empathy/Distress: Sofia had a traumatic childhood.

Payoff: Now we know how she joined the heist team

Irony: Mandeep thinks Sofia needs rescuing while she joins to rescue her twin sister

Setup: Sofia’s hidden agenda. Sofia is the mole.

55. INTRIGUE 55: SUSPICION / SECRET IDENTITY / IMMINENT THREAT

EXT/INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Mandeep can’t get Sofia’s out of his head when his earpiece crackles. He mistakes seeing her sister for Sofia in a room giving instructions to hawala operatives while crawling through the air vents to get to the vault room. Meera is bleeding, but she communicates the passcode before passing out. Mandeep enters the passcode and unlocks the vault to find a ledger. Secret alarms go off and armed men rush to the vault. Mandeep grabs the ledger and shoots his way out while Sofia heads out to help Meera. Mandeep jumps into the unmarked van as they take fire and speed off.

Open Loop: Is Sofia the mole?

Mystery: Will Meera survive? Will Mandeep get the ledger?

Empathy/Distress: Meera who ha passed out from blood loss and Mandeeep who has set off a secret alarm that alerted armed guards to the vault.

Payoff: Sofia’s secret is finally revealed, or is it?

Irony:

Setup: Red herring – Sofia is the mole.

56. INTRIGUE 56: STRANGE BEHAVIOR / DECEPTION / HIDDEN AGENDA

EXT. FINANCIAL DISTRICT – DAY

Lina enters the financial district. A shadowy figure follows her as she tries to lose her tail. Lina slips in and out of shops and ends up in an alley. Lina is thrust against the wall from behind and is slipped a note. Lina recovers to find her surroundings empty and puts her hands into her pocket to pull out the note that gives her a location and time.

Open Loop: Who is following Lina?

Mystery: What’s in the note?

Empathy/Distress: Lina who is being followed and is trapped at a dead-end

Payoff:

Irony: Lina’s clairvoyance is just a good old-fashioned underground network of informants who work for her.

Setup: for the terror attack in the financial district

57. INTRIGUE 57: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR / HIDDEN AGENDA / DECEPTION

EXT/INT. SECRET DEN – NIGHT

Lina goes over her files and hesitates over a specific name – Priya’s father’s alias. An old photograph falls out of depicting Lina with Priya’s father. Lina wants no one to see this, especially Priya. Lina takes out the contents of the file and replaces it with bogus papers and changes the name. Lina burns the file and watches the photo get eaten by the flames.

Open Loop: Who is Lina and what is her connection to Priya’s father?

Mystery: Will Priya ever find out the truth about her father?

Empathy/Distress: Priya and the team are being deceived by Lina.

Payoff: Priya finds her father’s alias, but Lina dismisses ever hearing that name.

Irony:

Setup: Red herring – Lina is the mole?

58. INTRIGUE 58: DECEPTION / IMMINENT THREAT / WOUND

INT. RAW SAFEHOUSE – NIGHT

Arjun unties Priya’s hands and rescues her. He tells her the house is rigged to blow and Priya wants to know if her father is okay. Arjun tells her she was chosen for the mission due to her father. Priya slaps Arjun for playing games with her. Arjun drags her to safety before the safehouse explodes in a fire.

Open Loop: Who blew up the RAW safehouse? Will Priya ever forgive herself for her father’s death?

Mystery: Did the Hawala want to kill Priya and her father?

Empathy/Distress: Priya for losing her father in the explosion.

Payoff: Arjun risks his life to rescue Priya.

Irony: Lina burns the photo as Priya and her father literally go up in flames.

Setup: Priya cannot turn back now and has only one agenda to find out the truth about her father and make whoever planted the bombs pay for his death.

59. INTRIGUE 59: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR / WOUND / HIDDEN LAYER

INT. PRIVATE ROOM / NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

Harsh pushes away a whiskey bottle and shatters it. He takes out a worn-out picture of a young girl (Arjun’s sister) from his wallet and traces a pendant. He pulls out his necklace to hold the same pendant in his palms and kisses it gently. Harsh is remorseful but he needs to toughen up to do his job. He wipes away his tears before putting photo away and picks up his sidearm.

Open Loop: What will Harsh do to reprent for his guilt?

Mystery: Why does Harsh have Arjun’s sister’s photo in his pocket?

Empathy/Distress: Harsh regrets blowing up a child

Payoff:

Irony: Arjun wants vendetta while Harsh can’t wait for redemption.

Setup: the pendant is Arjun’s sister whom Harsh couldn’t save in a terror attack he orchestrated.

60. ACT 4 TURNING POINT: INTRIGUE 60: WOUND / IMMINENT THREAT

EXT. RAW SAFEHOUSE – DAY

Priya is hiding in the bushes with Arjun watching the emergency firefighters go through the rubble. A charred body comes out in a gurney. Priya wants to rush out, but Arjun muffles her scream and holds her down. She wants to see her father’s body, but she cannot be seen by the agents. She wipes away her tears and runs off with Arjun chasing after her.

Open Loop: Will Sofia forgive herself for losing her father?

Mystery: Who killed Priya’s father? Who was the intended target of the blast?

Empathy/Distress: Priya lost her only known family – her father.

Payoff:

Irony: Arjun couldn’t save his sister and now Priya couldn’t save her father.

Setup: Priya will have to rely on what her father taught her to clear his name and bring his killers to justice.

Act 5:

61. INTRIGUE 61: DECEPTION / INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP

INT. SECRET DEN – EVENING

Arjun debriefs the team. The ledger Mandeep secured is a fake. Meera with a sling, Priya is wounded from losing her father, and Mandeep is mistrustful of Sofia. Lina lays out the plan for the terror attack on the Bombay Stock Exchange and a secret high-security vault room that holds the ghost ledger. Arjun reminds them of the ticking clock when the stock market bell rings.

Open Loop: Does the real ledger even exist? What does the ledger contain?

Mystery: Is Lina leading them into a trap? Will the team be trust each other to stop the terror attack and recover the ghost ledger?

Empathy/Distress: The team is wounded physically and suspicious of each other.

Payoff: Everyone is a suspect.

Irony:

Setup: for the heist while stopping another terror attack

62. INTRIGUE 62: INTRIGUING WORLD / DECEPTION / WOUND / IMMINENT THREAT

INT. BOMBAY STOCK EXCHANGE (BSE) BUILDING – DAY

The stock market bell rings and the clock ticks. Sofia in disguise enters with Amandeep to join the brokers, Arjun and Priya enter the sewers, and Lina and Meera monitor from the surveillance van parked down the street. Priya and Arjun have to get past the armed guards to the high-security vault; Mandeep and Sofia need to identify the terrorists and overpower them, Meera and Lina need to crack the multi-level passwords for the vault. Terrorists take hostages on the market floor but trading is not suspended as the indices show a downward trend; Sofia and Mandeep are taken hostage and they secure the hostages; Arjun meets a terrorist and triggers his PTSD. Priya is taken hostage and joins Sofia. Arjun recovers but now he has to fight the terrorists before securing the vault.

Open Loop: Will the heist team stop the terror attack and secure the ledger?

Mystery: Will Arjun overcome his PTSD to stop the terrorists? Will Meera and Lina crack the passcodes to the vault?

Empathy/Distress: Terrorist take innocent hostages. Arjun’s PTSD is triggered. Mandeep and Sofia are taken hostage. Priya is taken hostage.

Payoff: Arjun’s PTSD.

Irony: stock brokers will hold people hostage with the stock market swings are taken hostage.

Setup: The heist team has to work together to overpower the terrorists and secure the vault.

63. INTRIGUE 63: DECEPTION / IMMINENT THREAT / CONSPIRACY

INT. UPPER FLOOR / BSE BUILDING – DAY

Harsh forces the Chairman and other exchange officers to suspend online trading but keep the floor trading open. Armed men force the CEO to write down the vault passwords. Harsh shoots an officer as he tries to trigger an alarm. Illegal trading drives the stock market down. Harsh holds the key officers locked in the Chairman’s office with armed men guarding them.

Open Loop: Will the stock market crash? What is the Hawala’s end game?

Mystery: Why is trading not suspended?

Empathy/Distress: Excahneg officers and Chairman forces to give up passwords and illegally keep the markets open which will affect ordinary investors. An officer is shot for trying to do the right thing.

Payoff:

Irony: an honest stock market officer

Setup: for the final confrontation.

64. INTRIGUE 64: STRANGE BEHAVIOR / WOUND / HIDDEN LAYER

INT. HOSTAGE ROOM / BSE BUILDING – DAY

Harsh confronts a terrorist as he takes a girl away to a room. Harsh warns the terrorist that he wants no harm to come to the hostages. The terrorist points his weapon at Harsh and gets his brains blown out. Harsh walks away as hostages are terrified and shocked. He touches his pendant and slides his necklace back under his shirt as he walks out to see traders calling out stock prices at gunpoint.

Open Loop: Will the stock market ever recover from this?

Mystery: Why does Harsh shoot a terrorist he’s helping?

Empathy/Distress: Harsh still has a moral compass.

Payoff: Harsh’s pendant is a constant reminder of his wound.

Irony:

Setup: Harsh is not someone who just follows orders. He eventually takes over from Raghav.

65. INTRIGUE 65: IMMINENT THREAT / HIDDEN AGENDA / INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP

EXT/INT. BSE BUILDING – EVENING

Arjun makes his way into the building and locates the hostages. Armed terrorists guard the hostages. He fights the terrorists, and his team joins to overpower them. Priya slips away to locate the vault and Mandeep joins Arjun to take down the terrorists. Sofia bumps into Harsh in the corridor. She questions him about her sister, but he laughs and tells her she doesn’t know her sister at all.

Open Loop: What is Sofia’s relationship with Harsh? Will she ever find her sister?

Mystery: Will Priya find the vault? Will the heist team save the hostages?

Empathy/Distress: Heist team is up against ruthless terrorists and killers. Sofia ‘s missing sister.

Payoff: Harsh and Sofia together in a photo in the club.

Irony:

Setup: For Sofia to find out about her missing sister. Was she ever kidnapped?

66. INTRIGUE 66: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR / IMMINENT THREAT / INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP

INT. SURVEILLANCE VAN – EVENING

Meera has the passwords but it’s incomplete. The rest of the codes are with the Chairman, but someone has to get them before the trading clock runs out. Lina has worked in the building and knows it well, so she jumps out of the van to find the Chairman. Lina will have to get past the guards and make the chairman divulge his codes but she’s too old for this. Lina enters the building through a secret service door.

Open Loop: Will Lina succeed in getting the rest of the passcode?

Mystery: How does Lina know the chairman of the securities exchange?

Empathy/Distress: Lina puts herself at unnecessary risk.

Payoff: Lina knows the financial district because she’s worked here before.

Irony: The oldest member Lina is their most crucial link to the mission’s success.

Setup: for securing the ledger.

67. INTRIGUE 67: STRANGE BEHAVIOR / DECEPTION / HIDDEN LAYER

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – EVENING

Raghav is watching the hostage situation in a luxurious yet antiquated office. He has bidders for the ledger but still doesn’t have it in his possession. He bluffs the bidders with a fake ledger while he sees Harsh and his team unable to break into the vault. He wants to sell the ledger to the highest bidder even if they are dictators to secure his legacy. Raghav sees the stock market indices crash on the screen.

Open Loop: Why is Raghav risking his life by bluffing about selling a ledger he doesn’t possess?

Mystery: What is in the ledger that heads of state are willing to condone a terror attack on the financial district?

Empathy/Distress: Raghav is messing with dictators who can eliminate him if they call his bluff.

Payoff: for the fake ledger Raghav out in his secure vault.

Irony: The ghost ledger is a fake that doesn’t exist just like ghosts.

Setup: for Raghav to be replaced for his bluff.

68. INTRIGUE 68: IMMINENT THREAT / SECRET IDENTITY

INT. CHAIRMAN’S OFFICE – EVENING

Lina takes a terrorist mask for a dead terrorist on the floor. Armed guards bar the doors to the Chairman’s office. Lina breaks a fire extinguisher and opens the nozzle to spray it at an armed guard. The armed guard fires his weapon but Lina kicks him down and snatches the weapon, hearing the thud the door opens as more armed men come out cautiously. Lina tackles them with surprisingly agile martial arts moves and knocks them out. Lina enters the room and greets the Chairman taking off her mask. He recognizes her.

Open Loop: Who is Lina and how does she know the Chairman?

Mystery: Will Lina take down the terrorist and armed guards?

Empathy/Distress: Lina who is old unarmed and looks weak.

Payoff: Lina surprises us with her agility.

Irony: old women with smarts beats bulky strong men with weapons

Setup: Lina gets the code that open the vault.

69. INTRIGUE 69: IMMINENT THREAT / HIDDEN LAYER

INT. SECRET VAULT/BSE BUILDING – NIGHT

Priya is outside the vault when Harsh walks into the antechamber with Sofia. Priya is caught in the middle and needs to make a choice. She tries various passwords that don’t work, Harsh is almost at the vault, Lina gets on the comms to give her the password but her comms die. Harsh enters the vault but its locked and Priya is gone; Sofia walks in behind him and pushes him against the door and they get into a fistfight. She overpowers him and questions him about her sister while punching him repeatedly until he falls unconscious. The vault door opens when the room is quiet and filled with Sofia’s heavy breathing. Priya steps out with the ledger. Raghav watches her on his camera feed and smiles.

Open Loop: How did Priya know the code? What will Raghav do to her?

Mystery: Will Priya get caught? Will Sofia find her missing sister? Will Harsh kill them both?

Empathy/Distress: Priya who is boxed in and Sofia who is no match for Harsh.

Payoff: Raghav has orchestrated this heist.

Irony: The rookie gets the ledger without any help.

Setup:

70. INTRIGUE 70: SUSPICION / DECEPTION / IMMINENT THREAT

EXT. BACK ALLEYS / FESTIVE CELEBRATIONS (MUMBAI) – EVENING

Priya weaves through the back alleys of Mumbai on a motorcycle and through the jam-packed streets with festive revelers in the pouring rain as she tries to lose a motorcyclist (Sofia’s sister) tracking her.

Open Loop: Who is tracking Priya on the motorcycle?

Mystery: Will Priya get away from her pursuers?

Empathy/Distress: Priya negotiates the rain and the jammed streets filled with unruly festival revellers.

Payoff: for the opening teaser.

Irony:

Setup: for unmasking the unknown motorcyclist. Red herring – Sofia is the mole.

71. INTRIGUE 71: SUSPICION / SECRET IDENTITY / HIDDEN AGENDA

INT. SURVEILLANCE ROOM – NIGHT

Mandeep sees Priya get off her bike in the pouring rain. He spots a grainy image of a figure who watches her. Mandeep captures the image and zooms in on the face, he enhances the grainy image to see Sofia (mistaking Sofia’s sister for her). Mandeep suspects her to be the mole. Mandeep rewinds the tape a few times to confirm it’s Sofia. Arjun and Sofia walk in when Mandeep finishes erasing the tape.

Open Loop: Why does Mandeep erase the surveillance tape? Will Sofia ever get caught?

Mystery: Why was Sofia chasing Priya?

Empathy/Distress: Priya who doesn’t know she was being followed. Do they not trust her? Did arjun was to make sure she didn’t run away with the ledger?

Payoff: Mandeep destroys evidence to protect Sofia.

Irony:

Setup: Sofia is mistaken for her sister. Red herring – Sofia is the unmistakable mole and only Mandeep knows this in the team.

72. INTRIGUE 72: HIDDEN LAYER

EXT/INT. ABANDONED MANSION – NIGHT

Priya leaves the diner abruptly after discovering the cryptic message in a secret compartment in her backpack and rashly rides her motorbike to reach the mansion. She pulls out the message and uses the book to decode it. She stumbles upon a bizarre code in the ledger that doesn’t match traditional bookkeeping. Priya maps the code to a digital vault. She calls Arjun to tell him the pages are blank because the rest of the code is on digital crypto files.

Open Loop: What is the ghost ledger? How do you find it?

Mystery: Who wanted Priya to find the ghost ledger? Why was she given the cryptic message to decode.

Empathy/Distress: Priya needs to dig deeper to know what her father’s involvement was.

Payoff: for the teaser

Irony: Ghost Ledger never existed in physical form.

Setup: inciting incident for the rest of the season – each file is stored in a separate vault that require multiple heists before they can crack of the ghost ledger.

73. INTRIGUE 73: HIDDEN LAYER / SECRET IDENTITY

EXT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Raghav is looking at the digital ledger on the screen. The ledger has a list of sleeper RAW agents but it’s missing key information like detailed profiles and last known missions. lt is not just transactions but holds dangerous secrets that can decimate countries. Raghav checks the stock market and sets his new code to the closing indices. Sofia’s sister walks in and pours herself a drink before telling him it’s done. She walks out past Harsh, gently brushes his hands and smiles.

Open Loop: Who is this splitting image of Sofia? Is this her sister? What is doing working with Raghav? What does she mean by it’s done? Why is the digital ledger missing information?

Mystery: Why is Sofia’s sister working with Raghav? What do they want with Priya?

Empathy/Distress: Priya and the heist team that got played by Raghav. He has them exactly where he wants them. Looking for the missing pieces of the ledger.

Payoff: Sofia’s sister was never missing she is working closely with Raghav.

Irony: The heist team didn’t steal from Raghav’s Hawala network but stole for him without knowing it.

Setup: for Sofia’s sister to betray Raghav with Harsh.

74. INTRIGUE 74: WOUND / HIDDEN AGENDA / HIDDEN LAYER

INT. ABANDONED MANSION – NIGHT

Priya goes through her father’s things and packs them up. She grieves for her father. She wants to avenge him and find out who he really is. She finds a familiar symbol on the wall behind the bookshelf and runs her finds around the grove. She pushes the pendant in her necklace to match the grove in the wall and opens a secret vault. Priya enters.

Open Loop: Why does Priya’s father have a hidden vault? What is in the vault?

Mystery: Will Sofia get to clear her father’s name?

Empathy/Distress: Sofia grieves her father’s death

Payoff: for the symbol on her pendant

Irony:

Setup: for Priya to discover her secret identity

75. INTRIGUE 75: IMMINENT THREAT/ CONSPIRACY / INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP

EXT. RAW SITUATION ROOM – NIGHT

RAW agents track a safe house on their surveillance monitors. The phone rings to tell the receiver that he’s just triggered a bomb. RAW agents watch as a safe house gets blown up. Two figures escape (Arjun and Priya) while the RAW agents scramble. Raghav calls someone to say that a file has been closed (taking Priya’s father’s alias).

Open Loop: Who called the RAW surveillance team? Who did Raghav call about closing files in Priya’s father’s alias?

Mystery: Who triggered the bomb that blew up the RAW safehouse? Who planted the bombs?

Empathy/Distress: Priya’s father was targeted by Raghav.

Payoff: How did the bomb go off? – triggered through a call to the surveillance team.

Irony: Safe house gets blown up by the surveillance team that triggers the bomb by picking up a phone call.

Setup: for Priya’s revenge.

76. INTRIGUE 76: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR / SECRET IDENTITY / INTRIGUING RELATIONSHIP / WOUND / HIDDEN LAYER

EXT. HIDDEN VAULT – NIGHT

Priya recalls her mother abandoning her father after a heated fight. Priya’s past comes to her in flashes. Priya recognizes her father’s friend who looks like a young Lina. A woman she calls Mama helps her solve bizarre puzzles. She can’t recall her face. Priya goes through the vault to learn of a secret society that has been manipulating the financial markets for generations.

Open Loop: Who is the woman that young Priya is calling her mama? What is this secret society that is manipulating financial markets?

Mystery: Who is Lina?

Empathy/Distress: Priya unlocks her past and feels her whole life until now has been a lie. She unlocks the wound that she has blocked away for so long.

Payoff: Lina recognizes Priya when she first meets her.

Irony: Secret vault unlocks her traumatic childhood memories

Setup: For Priya to discover her secret identity.

77. CLIFFHANGER: INTRIGUE 77: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR / HIDDEN LAYER

INT. HAWALA CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Priya as she exits the BSE vault kisses her pendant and the video freezes. Someone is watching a video feed on a big screen and gasps. The person has a similar pendant that she holds up to match that on the screen. Who is this and what does she want with Priya? The unknown character exhibits a mannerism that is just like that of Priya.

Open Loop: Who is watching Priya? What does she want from her?

Mystery: Why does the person have the same pendant as Priya?

Empathy/Distress: Priya is caught in the middle of a conspiracy she is unaware of

Payoff: for the pendant and Priya’s mannerisms.

Irony:

Setup: for the rest of the series when we discover Priya’s real identity.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Beat Sheet

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to translate the outline into beats and fill in the blanks so the story flows keeping the structure points intact.”

Title: Hawala Heist

Format/Genre: One-Hour Heist Thriller Series

Show Concept: A rookie RAW agent joins a crew of international thieves to penetrate an underground banking network to retrieve a ledger that can crash the financial world.

Pilot Concept: Rookie agent, Priya joins a heist team to decode messages to stop a terror attack that is used as a distraction for the sale of a ledger on the Hawala market.

Inciting Incident: Priya is forced to join the heist team to stop a terror attack when her class project turns into a real covert operation.

A Story: The covert operation

B Story: The Hawala network

C Story: Heist team secrets

Mystery 1: Who is the mole in the heist team who gave away their plan

Mystery 2: What is the ghost ledger and how do you steal it?

Impossible Goal: To steal the elusive ledger and bring down the powerful underground banking network of hawala

Major Conflict: Priya and the heist team have a mole that is working with the Hawala network they are trying to bring down by stealing the ghost ledger.

BEAT SHEET

Teaser

EXT. BACK ALLEYS (MUMBAI) – EVENING

PRIYA RAO (AKA Rookie) weaves through the back alleys of Mumbai on a motorcycle, a storm thundering overhead. She’s pursued by ominous figures in the downpour.

EXT. FESTIVE CELEBRATIONS. STREET (MUMBAI) – EVENING

A bustling street scene of Mumbai during a festival in the rain.

INTERCUT – BACK ALLEYS / FESTIVE CELEBRATIONS

Juxtaposing the celebrations and the tension of the chase with shadowy figures tracking Priya’s movements.

EXT/INT. SAFEHOUSE – NIGHT

Narrowly escaping, she arrives at a safe house, revealing a ledger from her backpack. The team including Arjun Nair (AN), Meera Verma (MV), Sofia Petrovna (SP), Mandeep Singh (MS), Lina Chen (LC), tries to verify the ledger’s authenticity when heavily armed military trucks show up outside.

INT. SAFEHOUSE – NIGHT

They scurry out the back into the woods while the safe house is raided by RAW agents shortly after Priya’s arrival. In the aftermath, hidden surveillance equipment is found, suggesting an inside leak.

EXT. FOREST – NIGHT

Priya notices that the ledger is blank beyond the first few pages… The team is shocked—the real ledger is still out there, and they’ve been betrayed by one of their own. The team is shaken—there’s a mole amongst them.

INT. DINER – DAY

Priya discovers a secret compartment in her backpack with a cryptic message in a book. Priya recalls receiving a similar puzzle from her childhood when her father would have his friends over to their secluded mansion.

Act 1:

INT. UNIVERSITY LAWNS – DAY

Priya’s university life as a math prodigy. She declines the invitation to go out with her CLASSMATES.

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – EVENING

She balances her university life with caring for her ailing FATHER.

INT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

HARSH MEHTA (AKA The Cobra) is tasked with eliminating threats to the Hawala network, including potentially his team and keeps tabs on Priya’s classmates. SOFIA PETROVNA (AKA Chameleon) in disguise at the nightclub sees Harsh, gets rattled, and tries to shake it off in the bathroom.

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – NIGHT

Priya has a strange recurring dream involving symbols and numbers that she doesn’t understand, hinting at her hidden lineage and her mind’s mysterious workings. She wakes from sleep, shaken by the vivid dream. She scribbles down what she remembers, not yet understanding its significance.

INT. TESTING SITE – DAY

Priya and her class are put through a series of tests, perhaps by the heist team to ensure her loyalty, or by circumstances that force her to use her cryptography skills under life-threatening pressure. Her talent in pattern recognition and cryptanalysis shines during a class project.

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

As Priya works on her class project, she catches a classmate trying to steal her work. Priya is publicly accused by a professor of stealing another student’s work, a plot to test her reactions under pressure. She recalls how her father hounded the media and was driven into hiding by false accusations of theft that led to his current ill health.

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – EVENING

Priya solves a complex puzzle left by her father, which is uniquely similar to the Hawala Architect’s known puzzles. Subtle hints through flashbacks or a distinctive pattern in her cryptanalysis work that resembles the Architect’s style.

INT. DINER – EVENING

Her professor bumps into her and her father at a diner – her two worlds collide in a dangerous and revealing way when her father is recognized by her professor.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – NIGHT

Lina meets Priya and there’s a fleeting look of recognition or guilt that she quickly masks. Lina posing as a RAW agent questions Priya about the murder of her classmate and her missing class project file. The same one she was accused of cheating from in class. Lina reacts with a subtle but noticeable discomfort when Priya talks about her father, hinting at a shared history.

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

Priya’s professor is suddenly detained by intelligence agents in the middle of a lecture, and she is questioned by real RAW agents.

INT. PROFESSOR’S ROOM – DAY

RAW agents handed a classified dossier that reveals that the unsanctioned ops is a personal agenda of her professor. They question her about the professor and his covert operation that she is unaware of. They threaten to dig up her father’s past forcing her to walk away and or become an accomplice and face the wrath of the RAW agency.

INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT

Priya digs into the classified dossier to find a much larger conspiracy, with her professor playing a role that’s more than academic.

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – NIGHT

Priya hides her double life secret from her ill father until she deciphers an encrypted message in the class project that reveals a terror threat. Priya must make an impossible choice, sacrificing her and her father’s safety to obtain crucial information to stop the terror threat.

EXT. SURVEILLANCE VAN – DAY

Priya is whisked away in a van. The class project is a cover for a real covert operation. The revelation that the class project is a front for a real mission pitches Priya into a world of espionage, raising the stakes of her everyday life. Priya is admitted to the covert ops team as a cipher.

Act 2:

INT. SECRET DEN – DAY

Now entrenched in a den of master thieves, Priya navigates the complex chemistry of her companions. As they orchestrate their infiltration of the Hawala’s underbelly, personal histories seep into the present—Arjun’s vendetta, Meera’s ghosts, Sofia’s missing pieces, Mandeep’s shadows, and Lina’s penance all converging in a dance of delicate deceit.

INT. PLANNING ROOM – EVENING

The professor shows his true self. Arjun codenamed “Raven,” masks his PTSD with a stoic demeanor. His internal battle is juxtaposed against his strategic genius as he meticulously plans the team’s moves to infiltrate the Hawala network and stop the terror attack.

EXT. SECRET DEN – NIGHT

Arjun’s behavior becomes erratic, he seems to be communicating with someone secretly, raising suspicions among the team.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Meera, the elusive “Ghost,” is seen navigating the digital world with unequaled skill, haunted by a past she seeks to obliterate, her secret online romance looming ominously in the backdrop. Meera receives a cryptic message that visibly disturbs her, but she dismisses it when questioned. When the team is planning their heist, Meera’s computer pings with the message, and she quickly closes it before anyone can see.

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

Sofia, the “Chameleon,” seamlessly slips into new identities, her mastery of disguise a metaphor for her internal search for self, her missing sister’s shadow ever-present. She’s charming and innocent.

INT. SURVEILLANCE ROOM – NIGHT

Mandeep, “Shadow,” is the embodiment of focus and skill, yet his heart is tied to Sofia, complicating his role with emotional undercurrents.

INT. PLANNING ROOM – DAY

Lina, the “Oracle,” is introduced as a clairvoyant of financial flows, her guilt for past misdeeds coloring her every action, setting up a narrative of atonement. How is Lina so familiar with Priya almost as if she’s known her from before?

INT. BATHROOM – DAY

Priya overhears a cryptic conversation between two team members (Meera & Sofia), hinting at a plot within the plot. What are Meera and Sofia hiding from the rest of the team, especially Priya?

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Shown as the charismatic leader of the Hawala Network with a peculiar ritual or superstition he follows religiously, believing it’s the source of his success, which could be an Achilles’ heel exploited by the heist team.

EXT/INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Team members navigate their roles in the heist. The team’s tech specialist discovers real-time surveillance feeds that were previously undetected, indicating they have walked into a trap, forcing the team into immediate action to escape or counteract. They grab a Hawala operative and escape.

EXT. SECRET DEN – DAY

Arjun has a heated argument with a superior at RAW about his past decisions and their consequences, without revealing specifics to the audience. During a moment of tension within the team, Arjun reacts strongly to a team member’s suggestion of letting a minor Hawala operative go, hinting at his own regrettable past decision.

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – EVENING

Raghav examines a complex financial chart indicating a drastic plan, then hides it when someone approaches. Raghav casually mentions a “game-changing move” during a phone call, with a ledger in the background. Initiating the sale of a secret ledger with global implications.

INT. CASH ROOM/HAWALA EXCHANGE – EVENING

Harsh is secretly financing terrorist factions for personal gain at risk of exposure. Why is Harsh sending cash boxes to terrorists?

EXT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – NIGHT

The team prepares for a complex infiltration. The team’s infiltration is nearly compromised when Arjun and Sofia unexpectedly encounter Harsh from their shared past, forcing them to improvise and bringing their secret vendetta to light amidst the operation. How do Arjun and Sofia know Harsh?

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Meera’s old ally-turned-enemy hacks into the team’s system during a critical moment of the operation, exposing her past affiliations live on their screens, which turns the team against her until she proves her loyalty on the spot. Who hacked their system and did Meera aid them? Is she the mole?

INT. HAWAL EXCHANGE – NIGHT

Priya intercepts a message about the terror attack, which she decodes. However, it leads to the discovery of a hidden ledger implicating her father, casting doubts on her loyalty. Why is Priya receiving these messages?

INT. CASH ROOM/HAWALA EXHCANGE – NIGHT

Torn between saving her father’s legacy and stopping a terror attack, she makes a controversial decision that puts her in the eye of the storm.

Act 3:

INT. PLANNING ROOM – DAY

The team grapples with the implications of the ledger sale. Priya struggles with her father’s apparent guilt and her place on the team.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – DAY

Priya starts a secondary, unauthorized investigation into her father’s involvement.

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

Glimpses into the ledger’s contents through encrypted messages that Priya decrypts, teasing its importance and the devastating consequences if it falls into the wrong hands. What do the cryptic flashes of the ledger content mean? How does Priya have these memories?

INT. SECRET DEN – NIGHT

When the fake ledger is stolen under mysterious circumstances, Priya’s desperate attempt to retrieve it results in a confrontation with a team member, who reveals their betrayal by trying to leverage the ledger for personal gain. Who stole the ledger and why? Why did Arjun accuse Priya of theft? Did she, do it?

INT. PLANNING ROOM – DAY

As the team plans their next move, there’s a leak of information, and they can’t determine the source.

INT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – DAY

Arjun’s vendetta is revealed during a heated argument with another team member who accuses him of compromising the mission for personal revenge. His reaction is uncharacteristically emotional, hinting at his deeper motivations.

INT. CASH ROOM/HAWALA EXCHANGE – NIGHT

Arjun’s quest for vengeance against “The Cobra” intensifies, his sister’s memory fueling a relentless pursuit, but a lead on “The Cobra” could derail the mission.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Meera’s digital traces threaten exposure. She faces a choice: retain her anonymity or act against a looming threat to the team.

INT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

Sofia uncovers a lead to her sister, her personal mission distracting her from the group’s objective and testing her loyalty. Why does Sofia push Mandeep away? Betrays Mandeep for her sister’s safety.

EXT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

Mandeep grapples with suspicion and loyalty, anonymous tips leading him towards the mole, but his connection to Sofia complicates his judgment.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – DAY

Mandeep has a private conversation with Arjun, showing signs of genuine respect and camaraderie, which conflicts with his earlier suspicion. Mandeep and Arjun share a moment of understanding, and Mandeep is seen questioning an anonymous tip about Arjun being the mole.

INT. PLANNING ROOM – DAY

Lina’s past involvement with the Hawala Network comes to light, threatening her standing and forcing a decision that could alter her destiny.

INT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – DAY

Lina is recognized by an adversary during a financial transaction. She must then publicly confront her past actions, compelling her to disclose her true motivations to the team. How does Lina know details about the Hawala’s operations? Who is she talking to?

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Raghav’s interactions and secretive meetings hint at larger plans, with his seemingly irrational superstitions and rituals revealing a calculating mind planning a significant financial coup.

INT. PLANNING ROOM – EVENING

Priya is accused of being the mole due to her erratic investigation into her father.

INT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – NIGHT

The ghost ledger is found to be a list of sleeper agents. The team realizes that Priya’s father might have been framed, intertwining their mission with personal stakes. Was Priya’s induction into the team a coincide or an elaborate plan all along and who’s secretly pulling the strings behind the scenes?

Act 4:

INT. CONTROL ROOM – DAY

Priya’s efforts to clear her father’s name draw her deeper into espionage. Team members face their pasts, and the mission’s ethical boundaries blur. The true nature of the ledger begins to shift, as she unearths connections to global financial crimes.

INT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – DAY

Priya discovers a past alias of her father that connects him to the Hawala network. What is the nature of Lina and her father’s relationship?

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – EVENING

During an intense interrogation by a RAW agent who has pieced together her connection to the ledger, Priya’s facade crumbles, and she’s forced to reveal her secret agenda in a tense standoff that threatens her father’s safety. What is Priya’s true identity and how is she related to the ledger?

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Arjun’s mission becomes personal, and his leadership is challenged as he must choose between his thirst for revenge and the team’s cohesion.

INT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – NIGHT

Meera’s past affiliation with an adversary is revealed, her secret romance complicating her loyalties and forcing a confrontation with her own fears.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

It’s revealed that Meera has a personal connection to one of the names in the ledger, casting doubt on her loyalty.

INT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – NIGHT

The team is in the midst of a tense operation when suddenly they’re ambushed. Meera’s workstation lights up with a flood of incriminating evidence planted against her. Accusations fly as trust disintegrates. In a desperate bid to clear her name, Meera uses her hacking skills in real-time to unmask the true mole, revealing it to be a setup by an old associate from her dark past who has infiltrated the mission. This betrayal hits its peak when Meera, cornered and with a gun to her head, has to choose between saving her own life by aiding the mole or risking everything to help the team. She chooses the latter, cementing her loyalty but at a cost — her secrets are now out in the open, leaving her vulnerable to both the team and her past enemies.

EXT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – NIGHT

Mandeep’s flawless execution of tasks is compromised when his emotions for Sofia cloud his judgment, especially as he stumbles upon clues that suggest she might be involved with the mole.

INT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – NIGHT

Sofia’s lead on her sister reaches a critical point, the mission and her personal quest colliding, threatening to fracture her carefully constructed identities.

INT. SECRET BASEMENT/HAWALA EXCHANGE – NIGHT

Sofia looks longingly at a photo of her sister, and there’s a moment where she hesitates when asked if her sister was taken against her will. Sofia infiltrates a location where she subtly inquires about her sister, hinting at her ongoing secret search.

INT. SURVEILLANCE VAN – NIGHT

Mandeep’s internal conflict peaks, his suspicion towards a team member clashing with his feelings for Sofia, driving him to a crossroads between love and duty. Will Mandeep share his discovery of the mole with the rest of the team or let his love cloud his judgement?

EXT. FINANCIAL DISTRICT – DAY

Lina’s expertise is countered by a rival from the Hawala Network, a shadowy figure who seems to anticipate her strategies, pushing her into a dangerous game of wits. How will this affect the team who rely on her expertise?

INT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – DAY

A mistake in Lina’s financial analysis leads to a mission failure, causing her to doubt her expertise.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Lina hesitates over a file with a specific name, suggesting a deep personal connection. An old photograph falls out of Lina’s wallet, briefly seen by Priya, depicting Lina with her father.

INT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – NIGHT

Priya finds out that her recruitment to the team was no accident; her father’s past is the reason she was chosen.

INT. PRIVATE ROOM / NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

Harsh is seen in solitude, looking remorseful after a tough enforcement decision. Harsh pauses before a mission, conflicted, and takes a moment to look at a symbol (a gift from a child).

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – DAY

Priya’s father dies under mysterious circumstances, intensifying her personal vendetta and her resolve to unravel the truth. Was Priya’s father killed by the Hawala or was it natural causes as stated in his autopsy?

Act 5:

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – EVENING

The operation reaches a fever pitch. The team confronts the Hawala network head-on, with high-stakes action and emotional confrontations. Priya is torn between choosing between clearing her father’s name and stopping the Hawala network.

INT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – EVENING

Arjun’s obsession with capturing “The Cobra” leads to a confrontation that risks the entire mission and pushes him to the edge of his moral compass, his PTSD threatening to overcome him.

EXT. FINANCIAL DISTRICT – EVENING

Arjun must choose between capturing a key member of the Hawala network or saving his team during a compromised mission. They now have a location for the terror attack.

INT. BOMBAY STOCK EXCHANGE (BSE) BUILDING – DAY

In the midst of a critical operation, the team encounters an unexpected crisis—a hostage situation with civilians, reminiscent of the incident that caused Arjun’s PTSD. Arjun freezes, his stoicism cracking under pressure. The situation escalates rapidly, forcing him to either overcome his trauma or risk the mission and lives. His actions result in saving the hostages but at a great personal cost, revealing his past as he confesses to the team afterward about the similar situation where he once failed, leading to his sister’s death. This disclosure aligns the team more closely with his vendetta, cementing their loyalty but also raising questions about his future decisions under stress. (M) Will Arjun be able to protect the team under stress or will his PTSD make him unfit to lead?

INT. UPPER FLOOR / BSE BUILDING – DAY

Harsh is forced to deal with a victim of his past actions, a survivor seeking retribution. The encounter is intense and reveals his conflict and depth of character to the audience. (M) How does Harsh know Sofia?

INT. HOSTAGE ROOM – DAY

Harsh is seen alone, visibly conflicted after a ruthless action, hinting at his deeper turmoil. Harsh contemplates a small memento that reminds him of his past, suggesting there’s more to his story.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – DAY

Meera’s digital romance is exposed as a manipulation by the Hawala network, a betrayal that forces her to use her hacking skills in a way she never intended, to save the team she’s grown to care for, despite the cost to her own freedom.

INT. BASEMENT/BSE BUILDING – DAY

Sofia’s confronts the true cost of her deceptions. Left in limbo with her sister still missing.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – EVENING

Why is the shadowy figure caught on the grainy CCTV footage following Priya to the safe house strikingly similar to Sofia?

INT. BASEMENT/BSE BUILDING – EVENING

A target of the heist recognizes Sofia despite her disguise, not as herself but as her sister. This confrontation not only jeopardizes the mission but also reveals Sofia’s personal quest to the team under high-stress circumstances.

INT. TUNNEL – EVENING

A brief glimpse of Sofia looking at an old photo of her sister, followed by a cut to a woman with a striking resemblance in a position of power. Sofia avoids questions about her past, especially when her sister is mentioned, and she receives an enigmatic message only she understands.

INT. SURVEILLANCE ROOM – NIGHT

Mandeep’s discoveries about the mole bring him closer to the truth, but at the cost of his relationship with Sofia, whose secrets may hold the key to the mole’s identity.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Lina makes a sacrifice to expose the Hawala network’s financial crimes, risking her life to atone for her past misdeeds.

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Raghav is shown in a luxurious yet antiquated office with symbology that suggests old and powerful ties. Raghav conducts a meeting in his office, where the camera lingers on the mysterious symbols, subtly indicating their significance without revealing their meaning.

INT. BASEMENT/HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Raghav’s superficial charm belies his ruthless nature, as his interactions with subordinates and allies gradually reveal his grand plan for global financial domination. Why does Raghav relax security around the ledger leading up to the sale?

INT. SAFE ROOM/BSE BUILDING – NIGHT

The team’s confrontation with the network reveals layers of deception, with the ledger serving as a façade, suggesting the existence of a more insidious plot.

INT. SERVER ROOM – NIGHT

A hacker types frantically, finding transactions that don’t add up, suggesting a deeper digital layer. Priya stumbles upon an anomalous code in the ledger that doesn’t match traditional bookkeeping.

INT. SAFE ROOM/BSE BUILDING – NIGHT

The team uncovers that the ledger they’ve been chasing is a decoy, and the real ledger is still out there.

EXT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

The ledger that the team secures serves as a ruse, and the mastermind behind it remains unknown, overturning assumptions about Priya’s father and leaving the team’s victory hollow.

INT. BSG BUILDING – NIGHT

Priya learns of a secret society that has been manipulating the Hawala market for generations.

INT. NEW SAFEHOUSE – NIGHT

The team’s supposed victory is undercut by the revelation that the ledger they’ve been chasing is a decoy, leading to a cliffhanger that casts doubt on everything they thought they knew.

EXT. RAW SITUATION ROOM – NIGHT

Victory is a mirage; the ledger they secure is but a clever ruse. Priya holds a forged ledger and now she cannot stop. RAW agents are on their tail, and the mastermind behind the ledger remains unknown.

EXT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

The identity of the mastermind is related to Priya’s past, someone she never expected – Her mother who abandoned her and her father. Lina was her parent’s friend. Is she the mole? Priya recalls how a woman she called mother helped her solve the puzzles. Who was she really?

INT. HAWALA CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

An elderly character watches Priya from a distance, a look of recognition on their face. Priya unknowingly uses a phrase or exhibits a mannerism that is a known trademark of the Hawala’s architects.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Setting Up The Future

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to create interesting setups in the pilot for the reveals in later episodes of the season.”

SETUPS FOR FUTURE EPISODES

Setup for Priya Rao (AKA Rookie)

A. Possible reveal in future episode: Priya discovers her true heritage and her subconscious secondary code creation, which may rebuild the Hawala network.

B. Setup: Priya has a strange recurring dream involving symbols and numbers that she doesn’t understand, hinting at her hidden lineage and her mind’s mysterious workings.

C. How it could be set up in the pilot: During Act 1, while Priya is at university or perhaps while taking care of her father, she wakes from a nap, shaken by the vivid dream. She scribbles down what she remembers, not yet understanding its significance.

Setup for Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

A. Possible reveal in future episode: Arjun’s past decision not to kill “The Cobra” comes back to haunt him, raising questions about his judgement and motivations.

B. Setup: Arjun has a heated argument with a superior at RAW about his past decisions and their consequences, without revealing specifics to the audience.

C. How it could be set up in the pilot: In Act 2, during a moment of tension within the team, Arjun reacts strongly to a team member’s suggestion of letting a minor Hawala operative go, hinting at his own regrettable past decision.

Setup for Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

A. Possible reveal in future episode: Meera’s betrayal as she is coerced into feeding information to her former organization.

B. Setup: Meera receives a cryptic message that visibly disturbs her, but she dismisses it when questioned.

C. How it could be set up in the pilot: During Act 2, while the team is planning their heist, Meera’s computer pings with the message, and she quickly closes it before anyone can see.

Setup for Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

A. Possible reveal in future episode: Sofia’s sister is found to be deeply involved with the Hawala network by choice.

B. Setup: Sofia looks longingly at a photo of her sister, and there’s a moment where she hesitates when asked if her sister was taken against her will.

C. How it could be set up in the pilot: In Act 4, Sofia infiltrates a location where she subtly inquires about her sister, hinting at her ongoing secret search.

Setup for Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

A. Possible reveal in future episode: Mandeep’s growing loyalty conflict, especially towards Arjun, challenging his original mission.

B. Setup: Mandeep has a private conversation with Arjun, showing signs of genuine respect and camaraderie, which conflicts with his earlier suspicion.

C. How it could be set up in the pilot: During Act 3, Mandeep and Arjun share a moment of understanding, and Mandeep is seen questioning an anonymous tip about Arjun being the mole.

Setup for Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

A. Possible reveal in future episode: Lina’s past involvement with Priya’s father and her quest for redemption.

B. Setup: Lina reacts with a subtle but noticeable discomfort when Priya talks about her father, hinting at a shared history.

C. How it could be set up in the pilot: In Act 1, Lina meets Priya and there’s a fleeting look of recognition or guilt that she quickly masks.

Setup for Raghav Patel (AKA Hyena)

A. Possible reveal in future episode: Raghav’s connection to a secret society that has been manipulating financial markets for centuries.

B. Setup: Raghav is shown in a luxurious yet antiquated office with symbology that suggests old and powerful ties.

C. How it could be set up in the pilot: In Act 5, Raghav conducts a meeting in his office, where the camera lingers on the mysterious symbols, subtly indicating their significance without revealing their meaning.

Setup for Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

A. Possible reveal in future episode: Harsh’s internal struggle with his past actions and his secret sabotage against the network.

B. Setup: Harsh is seen alone, visibly conflicted after a ruthless action, hinting at his deeper turmoil.

C. How it could be set up in the pilot: In a brief solitary moment in Act 4, Harsh contemplates a small memento that reminds him of his past, suggesting there’s more to his story.

Setups for the Pilot Episode:

1. A. Future Reveal: Priya’s mentorship by the Architect is disclosed.

B. Setup: Subtle hints through flashbacks or a distinctive pattern in her cryptanalysis work that resembles the Architect’s style.

C. Pilot Setup: A scene where Priya solves a complex puzzle left by her father, which is uniquely similar to the Architect’s known puzzles.

2. A. Future Reveal: Arjun’s past opportunity to kill The Cobra and its connection to his sister’s death.

B. Setup: A cryptic conversation or a flashback showing Arjun sparing someone’s life.

C. Pilot Setup: Arjun hesitates when he has a chance to take down a key figure in the Hawala network, recalling a painful memory.

3. A. Future Reveal: Meera’s past as a mole and her coerced betrayal.

B. Setup: Show Meera receiving a threatening message or call that leaves her visibly shaken.

C. Pilot Setup: A scene where Meera secretly encrypts a message after receiving a mysterious phone call.

4. A. Future Reveal: Sofia’s sister is a key player within the Hawala Network.

B. Setup: A brief glimpse of Sofia looking at an old photo of her sister, followed by a cut to a woman with a striking resemblance in a position of power.

C. Pilot Setup: Sofia avoids questions about her past, especially when her sister is mentioned, and she receives an enigmatic message only she understands.

5. A. Future Reveal: Mandeep’s internal conflict of loyalty between his admiration for Arjun and his duty.

B. Setup: Mandeep defends Arjun’s unconventional methods to another skeptical team member.

C. Pilot Setup: Mandeep observes Arjun from a distance, conflicted admiration in his eyes, before receiving an anonymous tip about a mole in the team.

6. A. Future Reveal: Lina’s past romantic connection to Priya’s father.

B. Setup: Lina hesitates over a file with a specific name, suggesting a deep personal connection.

C. Pilot Setup: An old photograph falls out of Lina’s wallet, briefly seen by Priya, depicting Lina with Priya’s father.

7. A. Future Reveal: Raghav’s secret plan for a financial coup.

B. Setup: Raghav examines a complex financial chart indicating a drastic plan, then hides it when someone approaches.

C. Pilot Setup: Raghav casually mentions a “game-changing move” during a phone call, with a ledger in the background.

8. A. Future Reveal: Harsh’s secret disdain for the network and his desire for atonement.

B. Setup: Harsh is seen in solitude, looking remorseful after a tough enforcement decision.

C. Pilot Setup: Harsh pauses before a mission, conflicted, and takes a moment to look at a symbol of peace (like a religious icon or a gift from a child).

9. A. Future Reveal: The ledger is a decoy; the real ledger is digital.

B. Setup: A hacker types frantically, finding transactions that don’t add up, suggesting a deeper digital layer.

C. Pilot Setup: Priya stumbles upon an anomalous code in the ledger that doesn’t match traditional bookkeeping.

10. A. Future Reveal: Priya’s unknown lineage and her connection to the Hawala’s architects.

B. Setup: An elderly character watches Priya from a distance, a look of recognition on their face.

C. Pilot Setup: Priya unknowingly uses a phrase or exhibits a mannerism that is a known trademark of the Hawala’s architects.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Adding Empathy/Distress!

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to create empathy for my characters by putting them in difficult situations that are relatable and time them so that it increases the distress it causes the audiences who are now able to relate to the characters.”

ADDING EMPATHY / DISTRESS:

Priya Rao (AKA Rookie)

• Emotional Dilemma: Torn between saving her father’s legacy and stopping a terror attack, she makes a controversial decision that puts her in the eye of the storm.

• Empathy through Undeserved Misfortune: Show Priya’s dedication to her ill father, emphasizing the hardship and emotional toll of balancing this with her demanding role on the team. This personal challenge could lead to the audience sympathizing with her struggles.

• Distress with Betrayal: Incorporate a scene where Priya experiences betrayal from someone she trusted within her new team. This could be a situation where her mentor or a team member she’s grown close to turns out to have manipulated her for their own gains.

• Empathy through Emotional Dilemma: Highlight Priya’s internal conflict when she’s forced to choose between her loyalty to her team and her love for her father. This is particularly poignant if her actions to save her father might jeopardize the team’s mission.

• Distress with Forced Decision: Confront Priya with a situation where she must make an impossible choice, such as sacrificing her safety or an innocent’s to obtain crucial information to stop the terror threat.

• Empathy through Crucible: Illustrate Priya’s endurance as she’s put through a series of tests, perhaps by the heist team to ensure her loyalty, or by circumstances that force her to use her cryptography skills under life-threatening pressure.

• Distress through Exposed Secrets: Create a scenario where Priya’s secret identity as Rookie and her connection to the Hawala network are exposed, placing her under suspicion and moral scrutiny by her teammates.

• Empathy with Major Loss: Show the team suffering a significant loss, like one of their own being captured or killed, particularly if it’s someone Priya has formed a bond with, accentuating her feeling of loss and vulnerability.

• Distress from Witnessing Pain: Allow Priya to witness the pain of innocent people affected by the Hawala’s financial crimes, which she’s trying to stop, deepening her resolve but also her emotional distress.

• Empathy through Transformational Journey: Document Priya’s growth from a naive rookie to a sophisticated operative, making her more relatable and rooting for her success and survival.

Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

• Forced Decision: Arjun must choose between capturing a key member of the Hawala network or saving his team during a compromised mission.

Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

• Exposed: Her past catches up with her when an old accomplice returns, threatening to reveal her secrets to the team.

• Crucible: She must hack into a secure network during a critical moment, with her life and the lives of innocent people hanging in the balance.

Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

• Emotional Dilemma: Discovering that her sister is somehow involved with the Hawala, she struggles with her loyalty to the team and her family.

Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

• Hurt those they love: To protect the mission, he might have to betray Sofia, whom he has grown to care for deeply.

Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

• Extreme Consequences: A mistake in Lina’s financial analysis leads to a mission failure, causing her to doubt her expertise.

• Plot Intruding on Life: Lina’s past involvement with the Hawala makes her a target, endangering her and the team.

Raghav Patel (AKA Hyena)

• Plans that Failed: A coup within the Hawala network challenges his leadership and threatens to dismantle his empire.

Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

• Undeserved Misfortune: A former victim of Harsh’s actions confronts him, showing him the real human cost of his past.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Stacks Intrigue

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to build towards each turning point using stacking intrigue.”

Stacking Intrigue

Teaser:

• Intrigue 1: Intriguing World – Begin with a bustling street scene of Mumbai during a festival, highlighting the contrast between the celebration and the tension of the chase.

• Intrigue 2: Mystery – Introduce a cryptic message received by Priya that suggests a dire consequence if she fails to deliver the ledger.

• Intrigue 3: Secret Identity – Show glimpses of a shadowy figure tracking Priya’s movements, suggesting they know more about her than she does about them.

• Turning Point: The reveal of the counterfeit ledger.

Act 1:

• Intrigue 1: Secret – Priya discovers a secret compartment in her backpack left by an unknown ally, with tools that will aid her in future tasks.

• Intrigue 2: Deception – As Priya works on her class project, she catches a classmate trying to steal her work, hinting at espionage within the academic setting.

• Intrigue 3: Accusation – Priya is publicly accused by a professor of stealing another student’s work, a plot to test her reactions under pressure.

• Turning Point: Priya is recruited for the covert operation.

Act 2:

• Intrigue 1: Conspiracy – Priya overhears a cryptic conversation between two team members, hinting at a plot within the plot.

• Intrigue 2: Strange Behavior – Arjun’s behavior becomes erratic, he seems to be communicating with someone secretly, raising suspicions among the team.

• Intrigue 3: Secret – It’s revealed that Meera has a personal connection to one of the names in the ledger, casting doubt on her loyalty.

• Turning Point: Initiating the sale of the secret ledger.

Act 3:

• Intrigue 1: Hidden Agenda – Priya starts a secondary, unauthorized investigation into her father’s involvement.

• Intrigue 2: Deception – As the team plans their next move, there’s a leak of information, and they can’t determine the source.

• Intrigue 3: Accusation – Priya is accused of being the mole due to her erratic investigation into her father.

• Turning Point: The revelation that Priya’s father might have been framed.

Act 4:

• Intrigue 1: Intrigue – A team member’s death is staged, and Priya must figure out if it’s a ruse or reality.

• Intrigue 2: Secret Identity – Priya discovers a past alias of her father that connects him to the Hawala network.

• Intrigue 3: Wound – Priya finds out that her recruitment to the team was no accident; her father’s past is the reason she was chosen.

• Turning Point: Priya’s father’s mysterious death.

Act 5:

• Intrigue 1: Deception – The team uncovers that the ledger they’ve been chasing is a decoy, and the real ledger is still out there.

• Intrigue 2: Conspiracy – Priya learns of a secret society that has been manipulating the Hawala market for generations.

• Intrigue 3: Secret – The identity of the mastermind is related to Priya’s past, someone she never expected.

• Turning Point: The ledger is a ruse, and the mastermind remains unknown.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Layers and Reveals

“What I learned doing this assignment is… that it’s not enough to have deeper layers but how you dramatically reveal them is very important and meaningful.”

LAYERS & REVEALS

Plot Layers in the Teaser

• Surface: A tense chase ending at a safe house with a counterfeit ledger.

• Layer: Ongoing conspiracies and a mole within the team.

• How the layer is revealed: The team’s safe house is raided shortly after Priya’s arrival, suggesting an inside leak. In the aftermath, hidden surveillance equipment is found, pointing directly to the mole, who has been silently observing and manipulating the team.

Situation Layers in Act 1

• Surface: Priya balances university life with caring for her ill father.

• Layer: The class project is a covert operation in disguise.

• How the layer is revealed: Priya’s professor is suddenly detained by intelligence agents in the middle of a lecture, and she is handed a classified dossier that reveals her project’s true nature, forcing her to make a public decision to join the operatives or walk away.

Situation Layers in Act 1

• Surface: Priya balances her university life while caring for her ill father.

• Layer: A good idea (class project) turns out to be a bad (covert operation).

• How the layer is revealed: The revelation that the class project is a front for a real mission pitches Priya into a world of espionage, raising the stakes of her everyday life.

Character Layers for Priya Rao (AKA Rookie)

• Surface: Priya is a young mathematical genius fresh out of college.

• Layer: Secretly working to exonerate her father implicated in a financial crime.

• How the layer is revealed: During an intense interrogation by a rival operative who has pieced together her connection to the ledger, Priya’s facade crumbles, and she’s forced to reveal her secret agenda in a tense standoff that threatens her father’s safety.

Plot Layers in Act 1

• Surface: Priya’s admission to a covert ops team as a cipher.

• Layer: Hidden plan involving Priya’s professor and the covert operation’s true objective.

• How the layer is revealed: An encrypted message that Priya deciphers points to a much larger conspiracy, with her professor playing a role that’s more than academic.

Character Layers for Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

• Surface: Meera is a highly skilled hacker.

• Layer: Hiding her past affiliations and possible ties to the mole within the team.

• How the layer is revealed: Her secret online romance and past connections to the cybercriminal world threaten to surface, creating a web of deception and potential betrayal.

Situation Layers in Act 2

• Surface: Team members navigate their roles in the heist.

• Layer: A trap is set by the Hawala network, luring the team into a false sense of security.

• How the layer is revealed: The team’s tech specialist discovers real-time surveillance feeds that were previously undetected, indicating they have walked into a trap, forcing the team into immediate action to escape or counteract.

Character Layers for Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

• Surface: Mandeep is a skilled operative known for his precision.

• Layer: Torn between his duty and his growing affection for Sofia.

• How the layer is revealed: Mandeep’s flawless execution of tasks is compromised when his emotions for Sofia cloud his judgment, especially as he stumbles upon clues that suggest she might be involved with the mole.

Plot Layers in Act 2

• Surface: The team prepares for a complex infiltration.

• Layer: Hidden relationships and personal vendettas interweave with the heist plan.

• How the layer is revealed: The team’s infiltration is nearly compromised when two members unexpectedly encounter a figure from their shared past, forcing them to improvise and bringing their secret vendetta to light amidst the operation.

Character Layers for Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

• Surface: Meera is a resilient hacker with a secretive past.

• Layer: Struggling to erase her digital footprint and sever ties with her past.

• How the layer is revealed: Meera’s old ally-turned-enemy hacks into the team’s system during a critical moment of the operation, exposing her past affiliations live on their screens, which turns the team against her until she proves her loyalty on the spot.

<b style=”background-color: var(–bb-content-background-color); font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>Character Layers for Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

• Surface: Meera is a highly skilled hacker, an asset to the team’s cyber operations.

• Layer: She is concealing her past affiliations with a cybercriminal network and her connections to the team’s mole.

• How the layer is revealed: The team is in the midst of a tense operation when suddenly they’re ambushed. Meera’s workstation lights up with a flood of incriminating evidence planted against her. Accusations fly as trust disintegrates. In a desperate bid to clear her name, Meera uses her hacking skills in real-time to unmask the true mole, revealing it to be a setup by an old associate from her dark past who has infiltrated the mission. This betrayal hits its peak when Meera, cornered and with a gun to her head, has to choose between saving her own life by aiding the mole or risking everything to help the team. She chooses the latter, cementing her loyalty but at a cost — her secrets are now out in the open, leaving her vulnerable to both the team and her past enemies.

Plot Layers in Act 3

• Surface: The team grapples with the implications of the ledger implicating Priya’s father.

• Layer: The resource dries up, leading to a betrayal within the team.

• How the layer is revealed: When the ledger is stolen under mysterious circumstances, Priya’s desperate attempt to retrieve it results in a confrontation with a team member, who reveals their betrayal by trying to leverage the ledger for personal gain.

Character Layers for Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

• Surface: Lina is the financial analyst with a mysterious past.

• Layer: Wound from past misdeeds and a hidden agenda to make amends.

• How the layer is revealed: Lina is recognized by an adversary during a financial transaction. She must then publicly confront her past actions, compelling her to disclose her true motivations to the team.

Character Layers for Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

• Surface: Arjun is a stoic and strategic planner for the team.

• Layer: Hides a personal vendetta to avenge his sister’s death.

• How the layer is revealed: Instead of flashbacks, Arjun’s vendetta is revealed during a heated argument with another team member who accuses him of compromising the mission for personal revenge. His reaction is uncharacteristically emotional, hinting at his deeper motivations.

<b style=”background-color: var(–bb-content-background-color); font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>Character Layers for Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

• Surface: Arjun is the composed and strategic mind of the team, always seen in control.

• Layer: Concealing his struggle with PTSD and a history of taking morally ambiguous actions.

• How the layer is revealed: In the midst of a critical operation, the team encounters an unexpected crisis—a hostage situation with civilians, reminiscent of the incident that caused Arjun’s PTSD. Arjun freezes, his stoicism cracking under pressure. The situation escalates rapidly, forcing him to either overcome his trauma or risk the mission and lives. His actions result in saving the hostages but at a great personal cost, revealing his past as he confesses to the team afterward about the similar situation where he once failed, leading to his sister’s death. This disclosure aligns the team more closely with his vendetta, cementing their loyalty but also raising questions about his future decisions under stress.

Situation Layers in Act 4

• Surface: The mission’s ethical boundaries blur as the team faces their past.

• Layer: Hidden plans and blackmail as each character’s secrets come to light.

• How the layer is revealed: A key team member is captured and blackmailed with their dark past, live-streamed to the team. To save their comrade, the team must execute a risky and morally ambiguous rescue that exposes everyone’s secrets and unites them against a common enemy.

<b style=”background-color: var(–bb-content-background-color); font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>Character Layers for Raghav Patel (AKA Hyena)

• Surface: Raghav is the shrewd leader of the Hawala Network.

• Layer: Conspiracy and hidden agendas to increase his power within the global crime syndicate.

• How the layer is revealed: Raghav’s interactions and secretive meetings hint at larger plans, with his seemingly irrational superstitions and rituals revealing a calculating mind planning a significant financial coup.

Situation Layers for Raghav Patel (AKA Hyena)

• Surface: Raghav is the charismatic leader of the Hawala Network.

• Layer: Conspiracy to orchestrate a major financial heist and protect the network’s secrets.

• How the layer is revealed: Raghav’s superficial charm belies his ruthless nature, as his interactions with subordinates and allies gradually reveal his grand plan for global financial domination.

Character Layers for Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

• Surface: Sofia is a master of disguise, integral to the team’s infiltration efforts.

• Layer: Secret identity with a personal quest to find her missing sister.

• How the layer is revealed: A target of the heist recognizes Sofia despite her disguise, not as herself but as her sister. This confrontation not only jeopardizes the mission but also reveals Sofia’s personal quest to the team under high-stress circumstances.

Character Layers for Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

• Surface: Harsh Mehta is a loyal enforcer within the Hawala Network.

• Layer: Secret identity and a haunted past with collateral damage from his actions.

• How the layer is revealed: Harsh is forced to deal with a victim of his past actions, a survivor seeking retribution. The encounter is intense and reveals his conflict and depth of character to the audience.

Plot Layers in Act 5

• Surface: The climactic operation against the Hawala network.

• Layer: Ongoing conspiracies and deception as true motives are unveiled.

• How the layer is revealed: The team’s confrontation with the network reveals layers of deception, with the ledger serving as a façade, suggesting the existence of a more insidious plot.

Situation Layers in Act 5

• Surface: The operation to confront the Hawala network escalates.

• Layer: A bad person (Priya’s father) turns good; a solution (the ledger) is uncovered.

• How the layer is revealed: The ledger that the team secures serves as a ruse, and the mastermind behind it remains unknown, overturning assumptions about Priya’s father and leaving the team’s victory hollow.

<b style=”background-color: var(–bb-content-background-color); font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>Situation Layers in Act 5

• Surface: The climax of the operation against the Hawala network.

• Layer: The discovery of a deeper conspiracy as the ledger is a ruse.

• How the layer is revealed: The team’s supposed victory is undercut by the revelation that the ledger they’ve been chasing is a decoy, leading to a cliffhanger that casts doubt on everything they thought they knew.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Character Story Lines

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to create interesting turning points for each character story line and incorporate them into the 5-act structure.”

ENHANCED CHARACTER STORYLINES:

Priya Rao (AKA Rookie)

• Beginning: We meet Priya at university, a math prodigy, living a double life caring for her ill father.

• Turning Point: Her accidental discovery of a terrorist threat and the ledger’s existence.

• Midpoint: The revelation that her father is implicated in the ledger, leading to her emotional turmoil.

• Turning Point 2: The death of her father, deepening her personal vendetta.

• Dilemma: Choosing between clearing her father’s name and stopping the Hawala network.

• Major Conflict: The intense confrontation with the Hawala network.

• Ending: She is left with a forged ledger, her world turned upside down.

Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

• Beginning: Introduced as a professor.

• Turning Point: Recruiting Priya due to her unique skills and reveals his past as a disgraced RAW agent with a vendetta.

• Midpoint: The team discovering the list of sleeper agents.

• Turning Point 2: The loss of his sister driving his quest.

• Dilemma: Achieving justice for his sister vs. the team’s safety.

• Major Conflict: Facing the double agent and the Hawala leaders.

• Ending: The realization that his quest for vengeance is far from over.

Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

• Beginning: Her expertise in hacking introduced during the team’s heist prep.

• Turning Point: Decoding crucial information that puts her in danger.

• Midpoint: Suspicions arise about her being a mole due to her past.

• Turning Point 2: Confrontation with her past affiliations.

• Dilemma: Saving herself vs. staying loyal to the team.

• Major Conflict: Protecting her secrets while aiding the team.

• Ending: her secret online relationship is with someone on the opposite side

Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

• Beginning: Shown as a master of disguise infiltrating the Hawala network.

• Turning Point: Discovering clues about her sister’s whereabouts.

• Midpoint: Betrays Mandeep for her sister’s safety.

• Turning Point 2: The team questions her loyalty due to her secretive actions.

• Dilemma: Saving her sister vs. completing the mission.

• Major Conflict: Her identity crisis as she juggles various roles.

• Ending: Left in limbo with her sister still missing.

Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

• Beginning: Introduced as a skilled field operative with a secret mission.

• Turning Point: Gaining Sofia’s trust while searching for the mole.

• Midpoint: Discovering a connection between Sofia and the mole.

• Turning Point 2: Receiving anonymous tips about Arjun.

• Dilemma: Pursuing the mole vs. his growing affection for Sofia.

• Major Conflict: His loyalties are put to the ultimate test.

• Ending: His inner conflict leaves his role in the team ambiguous.

Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

• Beginning: Analyzing the Hawala network’s money flow.

• Turning Point: Her guilt affecting her performance.

• Midpoint: discovers a flaw in the financial data that could expose her previous collusion with the network.

• Turning Point 2: Facing threats due to her knowledge.

• Dilemma: whether to reveal her past to the team to prevent a financial catastrophe or keep it hidden and work to solve it herself.

• Major Conflict: Balancing between atonement and survival.

• Ending: Her past catches up with her, with RAW agents on her trail.

Raghav Patel (AKA Hyena)

• Beginning: Shown as the charismatic leader of the Hawala Network with a peculiar ritual or superstition he follows religiously, believing it’s the source of his success, which could be an Achilles’ heel exploited by the heist team.

• Turning Point: Initiating sale of a secret ledger with global implications.

• Midpoint: The discovery of a coup within his ranks.

• Turning Point 2: Facing a direct confrontation with Arjun’s team.

• Dilemma: Protecting the ledger vs. the stability of his empire.

• Major Conflict: The battle to maintain control over the Hawala network as his empire starts to crumble.

• Ending: A coup within his organization leaves his fate uncertain, possibly toppled from power, leaving him paranoid and more dangerous than ever, as he realizes the ledger is the key to maintaining his power.

Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

• Beginning: Established as the ruthless enforcer for the Hawala network.

• Turning Point: Tasked with eliminating threats to the network, including potentially his own team.

• Midpoint: His secret financing of terrorist factions for personal gain is risked exposure.

• Turning Point 2: A face-off with Arjun, bringing past conflicts to the surface.

• Dilemma: Harsh must decide between consolidating his power within the Hawala or severing his dangerous ties with the terrorists, with either choice bringing dire consequences..

• Major Conflict: His confrontation with Raghav and the team, as his true allegiance is questioned.

• Ending: As his past actions catch up with him, he faces a new threat from within.

ENHANCED 5 ACT STRUCTURE:

Teaser:

Priya Rao (AKA Rookie) weaves through the back alleys of Mumbai on a motorcycle, a storm thundering overhead. She’s pursued by ominous figures (HM Beginning) in the downpour. Narrowly escaping, she arrives at a safe house, revealing a counterfeit ledger from her backpack. The team is shocked—the real ledger is still out there, and they’ve been betrayed by one of their own. The team, including Arjun Nair (AN), Meera Verma (MV), Sofia Petrovna (SP), Mandeep Singh (MS), Lina Chen (LC), is shaken—there’s a mole amongst them.

Act 1:

• Setup/PR Beginning: Priya balances university life as a math prodigy with caring for her ill father. Her talent in pattern recognition and cryptanalysis shines during a class project.

• (HM TP1) Tasked with eliminating threats to the network, including potentially his own team.

• Turning Point/PR TP1: The class project is a cover for a real covert operation. Priya deciphers an encrypted message revealing a terror threat, and her professor recruits her for an actual mission with a team of operatives.

Act 2:

• Confrontation: Now entrenched in a den of master thieves, Priya navigates the complex chemistry of her companions, each a conundrum wrapped in a riddle. As they orchestrate their infiltration of the Hawala’s underbelly, personal histories seep into the present—Arjun’s vendetta, Meera’s ghosts, Sofia’s missing pieces, Mandeep’s shadows, and Lina’s penance all converging in a dance of delicate deceit.

• (AN Beginning) The professor shows his true self. Arjun, codenamed “Raven,” masks his PTSD with a stoic demeanor. His internal battle is juxtaposed against his strategic genius as he meticulously plans the team’s moves.

• (MV Beginning) Meera, the elusive “Ghost,” is seen navigating the digital world with unequaled skill, haunted by a past she seeks to obliterate, her secret online romance looming ominously in the backdrop.

• (SP Beginning) Sofia, the “Chameleon,” seamlessly slips into new identities, her mastery of disguise a metaphor for her internal search for self, her missing sister’s shadow ever-present.

• (MS Begining) Mandeep, “Shadow,” is the embodiment of focus and skill, yet his heart is tied to Sofia, complicating his role with emotional undercurrents.

• (LC Beginning) Lina, the “Oracle,” is introduced as a clairvoyant of financial flows, her guilt for past misdeeds coloring her every action, setting up a narrative of atonement.

• (RP Beginning) Shown as the charismatic leader of the Hawala Network with a peculiar ritual or superstition he follows religiously, believing it’s the source of his success, which could be an Achilles’ heel exploited by the heist team.

• (RP TP 1) Initiating sale of a secret ledger with global implications.

• (HM Midpoint): His secret financing of terrorist factions for personal gain is risked exposure.

• Turning Point/ PR Mid-point: Priya intercepts a message about a terror attack, which she decodes to avert the crisis. However, it leads to the discovery of a hidden ledger implicating her father, casting doubts on her loyalty.

Act 3:

• Progress: The team grapples with the implications of the ledger. Priya struggles with her father’s apparent guilt and her place on the team.

• (AN Mid-point) Arjun’s quest for vengeance against “The Cobra” intensifies, his sister’s memory fueling a relentless pursuit, but a lead on “The Cobra” could derail the mission.

• (MV Mid-point) Meera’s digital traces threaten exposure. She faces a choice: retain her anonymity or act against a looming threat to the team.

• (SP Mid-point) Sofia uncovers a lead to her sister, her personal mission distracting her from the group’s objective and testing her loyalty. Betrays Mandeep for her sister’s safety.

• (MS Mid-point) Mandeep grapples with suspicion and loyalty, anonymous tips leading him towards the mole, but his connection to Sofia complicates his judgment.

• (LC Mid-point) Lina’s past involvement with the Hawala Network comes to light, threatening her standing and forcing a decision that could alter her destiny.

• Turning Point: The ghost ledger is found to be a list of sleeper agents. The team realizes that Priya’s father might have been framed, intertwining their mission with personal stakes.

Act 4:

• Complications and Higher Stakes: Priya’s efforts to clear her father’s name draw her deeper into espionage. Team members face their pasts, and the mission’s ethical boundaries blur. The true nature of the ledger begins to shift, as she unearths connections to global financial crimes.

• (AN Dilemma) Arjun’s mission becomes personal, and his leadership is challenged as he must choose between his thirst for revenge and the team’s cohesion.

• (MV Dilemma) Meera’s past affiliation with an adversary is revealed, her secret romance complicating her loyalties and forcing a confrontation with her own fears.

• (SP Dilemma) Sofia’s lead on her sister reaches a critical point, the mission and her personal quest colliding, threatening to fracture her carefully constructed identities.

• (MS DIlemma) Mandeep’s internal conflict peaks, his suspicion towards a team member clashing with his feelings for Sofia, driving him to a crossroads between love and duty.

• (LC TP 3) Lina’s expertise is countered by a rival from the Hawala Network, a shadowy figure who seems to anticipate her strategies, pushing her into a dangerous game of wits.

• Turning Point / PR TP 3: Priya’s father dies under mysterious circumstances, intensifying her personal vendetta and her resolve to unravel the truth.

Act 5:

• Climax / PR Dilemma: The operation reaches a fever pitch. The team confronts the Hawala network head-on, with high-stakes action and emotional confrontations. Priya is torn between choosing between clearing her father’s name and stopping the Hawala network.

• (AN Ending) Arjun’s obsession with capturing “The Cobra” leads to a confrontation that risks the entire mission and pushes him to the edge of his moral compass, his PTSD threatening to overcome him.

• (MV Ending) Meera’s digital romance is exposed as a manipulation by the Hawala network, a betrayal that forces her to use her hacking skills in a way she never intended, to save the team she’s grown to care for, despite the cost to her own freedom.

• (SP Ending) Sofia’s confronts the true cost of her deceptions. Left in limbo with her sister still missing.

• (MS Ending) Mandeep’s discoveries about the mole bring him closer to the truth, but at the cost of his relationship with Sofia, whose secrets may hold the key to the mole’s identity.

• (LC Ending) Lina makes a sacrifice to expose the Hawala network’s financial crimes, risking her life to atone for her past misdeeds.

• Turning Point (Cliffhanger): Victory is a mirage; the ledger they secure is but a clever ruse. Priya holds a forged ledger and now she cannot stop. RAW agents are on their tail, and the mastermind behind the ledger remains unknown.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Pilot Structure

“What I learned doing this assignment is… how to create an engaging 5 act pilot structure with strong turning points that can act as the inciting incident for the series”

5 ACT STRUCTURE:

Teaser: In the dead of night, Priya races through the rain-soaked streets on a motorbike, clutching a backpack. She’s being pursued by an unknown enemy. As they gain on her, she performs a daring maneuver, evading them with inches to spare. She arrives at a safe house, where she reveals the backpack’s contents—a fake ledger. The team realizes they have a mole who has fed them false information, while the true ledger is still out there.

Act 1: Priya is introduced balancing her life between caring for her ailing father and her university studies, where she shines as a genius student. Her pattern recognition and cryptanalysis skills are highlighted during a university project, which turns out to be a real-life simulation conducted by her professor.

Turning Point: Priya cracks a code in the simulation that inadvertently reveals real-world coordinates linked to a terrorist threat. Her professor recruits her for a real mission.

Act 2: Priya, now part of a heist team of international thieves, begins to infiltrate the Hawala operation. The team’s dynamics and the heist’s stakes are established, with each character’s expertise showcased.

Turning Point: During the operation, Priya intercepts a message indicating an imminent terror attack meant to distract from a ledger sale in the Hawala market. She deciphers it, averting the crisis and revealing a hidden ledger that includes her father’s name, casting suspicion on her.

Act 3: Reeling from the discovery, Priya must navigate her new reality: her mentor’s true intentions, her team’s trust issues, and the looming threat of RAW agents. Her emotional strength and loyalty are tested as the mission becomes personal.

Turning Point: The team uncovers that the ghost ledger is more than financial records—it’s a list of sleeper agents, including her father, who might have been framed.

Act 4: Efforts to clear her father’s name only entangle Priya further in a web of espionage. Each team member’s backstory and skills are leveraged, complicating the mission and their relationships.

Turning Point: Priya’s father passes away under mysterious circumstances, making her quest for the truth a personal vendetta against the Hawala network and those framing her father.

Act 5: The final act intensifies as Priya’s and the team’s actions culminate in a high-stakes confrontation with the Hawala network, locking them into their journey.

Cliffhanger: As they seem to secure the ledger, a double agent within the team is revealed, and Priya is left holding what appears to be a forgery, with RAW agents closing in. The real ledger and the mastermind remain at large, and the team’s betrayal leaves viewers craving the next episode.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Amazing Inciting Incident

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to create the midpoint first as the big mystery for my intriguing concept and then think of a coverup for Act 1 and a reveal as the Lock-in”

Inciting Incident of Season 1: Priya and the heist team retrieve only a piece of the puzzle to locate the ledger that contains not just financial transactions and political secrets but is the key to revolutionising illicit finance and crashing the current financial world order. But why is her father’s name on the partial list?

• Intriguing Concept: A rookie RAW agent joins a crew of international thieves to penetrate an underground banking network to retrieve a ledger that can crash the financial world.

• Act 1: Priya is a dutiful daughter who balances caring for her ailing father and attending university where she has a scholarship. She is a genius student for her pattern recognition and cryptanalysis and aces her final real-life simulation test.

• Midpoint: Her professor, a former disgraced RAW agent recruits her. She joins the heist team he’s put together of international thieves to infiltrate a Hawala operation. She helps stop a terror attack and discovers coded messages. The coded messages point to a ghost ledger. Her father’s financial scandal comes to light and makes her a suspected mole when her father’s name is on the partial list they recover.

• Lock In: She loses her father and must now clear her father’s name as RAW agents hunt her down. She needs the heist team to retrieve the ghost ledger which is the key to bringing down the Hawala operations and discovering the truth about her legacy.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Big Picture Components

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to look at the big picture components of season 1 to identify the inciting incident for the season to write the pilot outline”

Title: Hawala Heist

Format/Genre: One-Hour Heist Thriller Series

Concept:

A rookie RAW agent joins a crew of international thieves to penetrate an underground banking network to retrieve a ledger that can crash the financial world.

SERIES INFO:

• World: Illegal ancient banking system called Hawala

• Main mystery: What is the ledger? How does one find it?

• Impossible Goal: Retrieve a ledger to dismantle the Hawala network and expose it’s true architects.

• Main Conflict: A team of international thieves need to break into the impregnable world of Hawala with RAW agents hunting them while each hides their secret connections to the Hawala; Hawala will protect the ledger at all costs even if innocent lives need to be sacrificed.

• Second Mystery: What are ‘ghost nodes’ and what do the coded messages mean?

• Season 1 Arc: From infiltrating the Hawala network to stop a terror attack to decoding messages to retrieve a ghost ledger that controls the entire Hawala operations to joining a heist team that suspects a mole amongst them.

• Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: from a genius student / devoted daughter to a rookie agent to a suspected mole.

PILOT INFO:

• Pilot Conflict: Rookie agent, Priya joins a heist team to decode messages to stop a terror attack that is used as a distraction for the sale of a ledger on the Hawala market

• Characters Introduced: Priya, Priya’s father, Heist teammates – Arjun, Mandeep, Meera, Sofia, Lina; Raghav and Hawala couriers; RAW agents.

• Inciting Incident of Season 1: The heist team retrieves only a piece of the puzzle to locate the ledger that contains not just financial transactions and political secrets but is the key to revolutionising illicit finance and crashing the current financial world order.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Visually Appealing Bible

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to generate images using DALL-E and design my Pitch bible on Canva. I really enjoyed this process and I love my bible.”

I’m happy to exchange feedback on the bible. You can email me at sunilrpappu@orchidroomproductions.com

Title: Hawala Heist

Format/Genre: One-Hour Heist Thriller Series

Concept:

A rookie RAW agent joins a crew of international thieves to penetrate an underground banking network to retrieve a ledger that can crash the financial world.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to get clarity on my TV bible and make it highly compelling and intriguing. I had my partner give it a quick read and got feedback that helped improve it and rewrite any confusing bits.”

MY TV PITCH BIBLE

Title: Hawala Heist

Format/Genre: One-Hour Heist Thriller Series

Concept

A rookie RAW agent joins a crew of international thieves to penetrate an underground banking network to retrieve a ledger that can crash the financial world.

Intriguing World

In the murky depths of unregulated finance lies the Hawala Network, an ancient banking system now intertwined with the digital underworld – where espionage and cybercrime blend seamlessly. Faceless entities manoeuvre it from the shadows in a high-stakes game of shaping conflicts. This clandestine world offers a playground where every transaction is a puzzle, every disguise a doorway, and every revelation could ignite global chaos.

Show Summary

In the bustling streets of Mumbai, mathematical prodigy Priya Rao lives a double life: a dutiful student by day and a RAW trainee agent by night. Her world – is disciplined, every step calculated—until a routine training exercise turns out to be a test…

… for a dangerous, unsanctioned op!

Passing with flying colors, Priya joins an international heist team as the cryptanalysis expert, their goal – is to infiltrate the underground Hawala network. Priya grapples with her father’s ominous legacy while trying to earn her team’s trust. They suspect a traitor when secret coded messages are retrieved from a local Hawaldar. Her father’s scandal resurfaces in the media and…

… Priya is suspected as the mole.

Their quest to retrieve the ledger pitches the team not only against each other but other cybercrime syndicates as well. With each code cracked and secret unearthed, the ledger’s power looms, threatening global financial anarchy.

The ledger is only the tip of the iceberg!

Each heist brings them closer to the identity of Hawala’s true architects and Priya’s shocking connections to them. Priya stands at the precipice of an impossible choice: salvage the world she knows or dismantle it entirely. Can she rewrite her destiny, or will she become the very chaos she seeks to control?

Can the rookie agent avoid becoming the architect of destruction?

Lead Characters

Priya Rao (AKA Rookie)

Priya Rao, known among her peers as “Rookie,” is the perfect storm of brilliance and naivety—a mathematical prodigy whose expertise in pattern recognition makes her invaluable in infiltrating the Hawala Network’s intricate security. Yet, beneath her analytical prowess lies a wound that bleeds distrust; the false implication of her father for a financial crime he didn’t commit. Her determination to prove fuels her every move. Torn between the moral quagmires of her covert operations and the burning need to clear her family name, Priya’s inner turmoil and impulsive nature under stress promise to unravel not just the network she’s penetrating but the very team that relies on her genius.

Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

Arjun Nair, the enigmatic “Raven,” is the operation’s nucleus—a former RAW agent turned mastermind with an intimate knowledge of the Hawala Network and espionage tactics. His calculating mind is as dark as his alias, plotting moves with a relentless obsession fueled by a vendetta against “The Cobra,” whose actions led to his sister’s tragic death. This personal crusade for vengeance threatens to consume him, pushing ethical boundaries and risking the mission and his own morality as he maneuvers through a web of deceit and danger, driven by rage yet masked by a facade of strategic calm.

Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

Meera Verma, the elusive “Ghost,” is the digital phantom of the team, a hacking virtuoso whose fingertips dance across keyboards to unlock the world’s secrets. Haunted by a treacherous past with a cybercrime syndicate which triggered a terror attack that killed her best friend and Arjun’s sister, she weaves a complex web to conceal her tracks while blaming Arjun for failing to stop it. She seeks redemption with each keystroke while erasing the sins of her history as her former associates threaten to drag her back into the abyss she’s desperately hacking to escape.

Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

Sofia Petrovna, the enigmatic “Chameleon,” is a paragon of adaptability, a master of disguise whose true face is as elusive as her shifting personas. Her quest to rescue her sister from the Hawala Network’s clutches drives her to betray her team. Yet, as her feelings for her teammate Mandeep grow, Sofia’s deceptions threaten to entangle her in her own lies as she teeters on a razor’s edge between familial loyalty, forbidden love, and the treacherous duplicity of her double life. Despite her betrayal, she makes a crucial discovery when she finds out her sister was never the victim!

Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

Mandeep Singh, known in the dark alleys of espionage as “Shadow,” for his stealth and loyalty—a master thief turned field operative whose skills in covert operations are as legendary as his manipulative prowess. Secretly tasked with investigating a mole within the team, Mandeep’s world is a canvas of shadows, where trust is as fleeting as the quiet nights that haunt their missions. His heart is an unwilling participant in a duplicitous game of affection with Sofia, the enigmatic Chameleon, where each stolen moment deepens the moral abyss he must navigate. While his true mission—to unmask a traitor—threatens to cast him as the ultimate betrayer.

Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

Lina Chen, the prescient “Oracle” of a world shrouded by financial shadows. A seasoned analyst whose ability to predict the ebbs and flows of the Hawala Network’s funds is as uncanny as it is indispensable. Yet, her infallibility is marred by a past blunder, having unknowingly entangled herself in the very network she now seeks to dismantle. Even she could not have predicted that one day she would be working to take down the network she once helped together with, the daughter of the colleague she once betrayed. Lina’s struggle for redemption is palpable as she grapples with the spectre of past guilt, her analytical veneer cracking under the strain of paranoia.

Raghav Patel (AKA The Hyena)

Raghav Patel, the formidable “Hyena,” is the epitome of survivalist guile—a charismatic yet ruthless overlord at the helm of the Hawala Network’s financial machinations. His strategic mind orchestrates the underworld’s cash flows with the same predatory instinct as his namesake, prioritizing self-preservation and power. With the network’s damning ledger under his claw-like grip, Raghav’s thirst for domination is unchecked, even as his past betrayal by Sofia gnaws at him, propelling him towards a future where he must balance the paranoia of leadership against the raw ambition that fuels his empire.

Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

Harsh Mehta, known ominously as “The Cobra,” is the loyal and lethal enforcer within the Hawala Network whose cold-blooded efficiency in eliminating threats is as feared as his namesake. Haunted by the collateral damage from the terror attack that killed Arjun’s sister, this serpent’s dance with destiny is fraught with the tension of hidden truths. His quest for ascent within the clandestine order is poised against the looming ghost of a past that threatens to strike at the heart of his existence.

Episodes Descriptions

Episode 1: The Reluctant Thief

Priya Rao’s high-speed chase leads her to join a heist team, battling distrust and her father’s dark legacy as they infiltrate a Hawala outlet, uncovering just the iceberg’s tip and a mole within their ranks.

Episode 2: Codes of Conspiracy

Meera, the enigmatic “Ghost,” uncovers her past with a cybercrime syndicate as Priya deciphers critical codes, and the team is shaken by a leak hinting at a traitor among them, leading to a dire standoff.

Episode 3: In the Company of Enemies

Confronting her father’s past, Priya steps into the financial underworld to discover Lina’s role in implicating him, while Mandeep’s mole hunt threatens the team as they race against time to stop Lina’s ominous prediction of a financial anomaly – a global liquidity crisis.

Episode 4: The Unseen Bonds

Priya and Sofia navigate loyalties, as a gala heist reveals a childhood connection to Priya, and Sofia comes face-to-face with the “Hyena.” She narrowly escapes blowing her cover only to witness a harrowing cliffhanger that puts her sister firmly in the enemy’s grasp.

Episode 5: The Cobra’s Coil

A predicted financial upheaval that could expose the ledger leads the team on a vault heist, that goes awry. Priya connects the dots between her father’s case and the missing ledger but her capture by “The Cobra” marks a chilling turning point in their mission.

Episode 6: Rescue’s Reckoning

The team’s daring rescue clashes with revelations of Priya’s father’s secrets and the possibility that he may have been set up. Mandeep confronts Sofia over her duplicity as the team learns that the ledger has been moved.

Episode 7: The Explosive Truth

“The Cobra” meets an unknown figure hinting at a larger conspiracy. Priya unravels the network’s ghost nodes, leading to an explosive trap that threatens to shatter their unity and mission even as Arjun faces off with “The Cobra.”

Episode 8: Balance of Allegiances

Priya’s final stand against the network unveils the true mastermind behind the terror attack. The ledger’s recovery only deepens the mystery, leaving her father’s fate and her loyalty in question. The crew must decide their next move.

5 SEASON SUMMARY

Season 1: “Blueprints of Betrayal”

Priya Rao, a rookie with a genius for patterns, infiltrates a Hawala Network to find a ledger and exonerate her father. Unearthing the ledger is only a part of a bigger puzzle. Her father’s arrest leaves her motives suspect.

Season 2: “Chasing Shadows”

The crew chases encrypted keys to a Shadow Ledger in a series of escalating heists as Priya learns about her father’s dark connections to the network. A national threat looms, ending with Priya under RAW’s watchful eye.

Season 3: “Accused Bloodline”

Collaborating with a mysterious group, the team decrypts the ledger, revealing a treacherous map that implicates global political figures. Priya’s lineage ties her to the Hawala architects, hinting at her ignominious destiny.

Season 4: “Fingerprint of Fate”

The ledger’s secrets become accessible only through biometric keys when the network tests its prototype “Operation Phoenix”. The team stops a nation’s downfall, but Priya unwittingly plants a code to rebuild the Hawala Network.

Season 5: “Code of Justice”

Facing an ancient secret society, the team grapples with “The Lazarus Protocol” – the network’s doomsday plan – at a global summit. Priya’s code transforms it, aiming for global economic balance, not chaos. What if Priya’s biological mother, who betrayed her father for his code, has trained more geniuses like Priya?

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Episode Titles

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to use the title formats to come up with alternate titles for the episodes and seasons. I also created an AI prompt to generate more titles to choose from.”

Episode Title Formats:

Episode 1: The Initiation

Priya Rao’s high-speed chase leads her to join a heist team, battling distrust and her father’s dark legacy as they infiltrate a Hawala outlet, uncovering just the iceberg’s tip and a mole within their ranks.

• CONFLICT: “Chase to the Truth”

• JOURNEY: “Entry into Shadows”

• DILEMMA: “The Reluctant Thief”

• ISSUE FACED: “Trust in the Maze”

• IRONY: “Heritage of Deceit”

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: “Legacy’s Burden”

• THREAT TO HERO: “Within Enemy Lines”

• DISCOVERY: “The Iceberg’s Secret”

• METAPHOR: “The First Domino”

Episode 2: The Web of Deceit

Meera, the enigmatic “Ghost,” uncovers her past with a cybercrime syndicate as Priya deciphers critical codes, and the team is shaken by a leak hinting at a traitor among them, leading to a dire standoff.

• CONFLICT: “Echoes of Betrayal”

• JOURNEY: “Through the Spider’s Web”

• DILEMMA: “Codes of Conspiracy”

• ISSUE FACED: “The Phantom’s Past”

• IRONY: “Traitor’s Truth”

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: “Standoff of Shadows”

• THREAT TO HERO: “The Ghost’s Gamble”

• DISCOVERY: “Deceit Unraveled”

• METAPHOR: “The Unseen Dagger”

Episode 3: The Shadows of the Past

Confronting her father’s past, Priya steps into the financial underworld to discover Lina’s role in implicating him, while Mandeep’s mole hunt threatens the team, as they race against time to stop Lina’s ominous prediction of a financial anomaly – a global liquidity crisis.

• CONFLICT: “Legacy’s Labyrinth”

• JOURNEY: “Dance with Darkness”

• DILEMMA: “The Accuser’s Mirror”

• ISSUE FACED: “Past’s Prison”

• IRONY: “In the Company of Enemies”

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: “Mole’s Menace”

• THREAT TO HERO: “Racing the Riddle”

• DISCOVERY: “Shadow’s Secret”

• METAPHOR: “The Ticking Hourglass”

Episode 4: The Chameleon’s Dilemma

Amidst personal turmoil, Priya and Sofia navigate loyalties, as a gala heist reveals a childhood connection to Priya, and Sofia comes face-to-face with the “Hyena” and narrowly escapes blowing her cover only to witness a harrowing cliffhanger that puts her sister firmly in the enemy’s grasp.

• CONFLICT: “Masquerade of Memories”

• JOURNEY: “Gala of Guises“

• DILEMMA: “The Lost Ally”

• ISSUE FACED: “Faces of the Past”

• IRONY: “The Foe’s Familiarity”

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: “The Cliffhanger’s Edge”

• THREAT TO HERO: “In the Hyena’s Gaze”

• DISCOVERY: “The Unseen Bond”

• METAPHOR: “The Pendulum Swing”

Episode 5: The Oracle’s Vision

A predicted financial upheaval leads the team on a vault heist, but when plans unravel, Priya’s capture by “The Cobra” marks a chilling turning point in the mission.

• CONFLICT: “The Unraveling Plan”

• JOURNEY: “Vault of Visions”

• DILEMMA: “The Seer’s Snare”

• ISSUE FACED: “Forecast of Fear”

• IRONY: “Captor’s Clasp”

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: “The Cobra’s Coil”

• THREAT TO HERO: “Turn of the Tide”

• DISCOVERY: “Revelation’s Edge”

• METAPHOR: “The Shattered Mirror”

Episode 6: The Eye of the Storm

The team’s daring rescue clashes with revelations of Priya’s father’s secrets, culminating in Mandeep’s confrontation with Sofia over her duplicity.

• CONFLICT: “Tempest of Treachery”

• JOURNEY: “Rescue’s Reckoning”

• DILEMMA: “The Secret Keeper”

• ISSUE FACED: “Eye of Betrayal”

• IRONY: “The Trusted Traitor”

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: “Storm’s Heart”

• THREAT TO HERO: “Revelation’s Risk”

• DISCOVERY: “The Father’s Phantom”

• METAPHOR: “The Thunderous Silence”

Episode 7: The Hydra’s Head

A larger conspiracy emerges as the team unravels the network’s ghost nodes, leading to an explosive trap that threatens to shatter their unity and mission.

• CONFLICT: “Web of the Hydra”

• JOURNEY: “Node’s Nemesis”

• DILEMMA: “The Explosive Truth”

• ISSUE FACED: “Unity’s Undoing”

• IRONY: “The Trap of Trust”

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: “Fractured Front”

• THREAT TO HERO: “The Looming Collapse”

• DISCOVERY: “The Conspiracy’s Core”

• METAPHOR: “The Serpent’s Many Faces”

Episode 8: The Final Key

Priya’s final stand against the network unveils a grand scheme, with the ledger’s recovery only deepening the mystery, leaving her father’s fate and her allegiance in the balance.

• CONFLICT: “Endgame’s Enigma”

• JOURNEY: “Last Stand’s Ledger”

• DILEMMA: “Balance of Allegiances”

• ISSUE FACED: “The Ultimate Gambit”

• IRONY: “Savior or Saboteur?”

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: “The Network’s Nexus”

• THREAT TO HERO: “Checkmate’s Challenge”

• DISCOVERY: “The Deeper Game”

• METAPHOR: “The Closing Circle”

Season 1 Episode Title Sequence:

Episode 1: The Reluctant Thief

Episode 2: Codes of Conspiracy

Episode 3: In the Company of Enemies

Episode 4: The Unseen Bonds

Episode 5: The Cobra’s Coil

Episode 6: Rescue’s Reckoning

Episode 7: The Explosive Truth

Episode 8: Balance of Allegiances

Seasons Title Formats:

Season 1: “The Hidden Ledger”

Priya Rao, a rookie with a genius for patterns, infiltrates a Hawala Network to find a ledger and exonerate her father. Unearthing the ledger’s part in a bigger puzzle, her father’s arrest leaves her motives suspect.

• CONFLICT: “Cipher’s Genesis”

• JOURNEY: “Path to the Ledger”

• DILEMMA: “Patterns of Doubt”

• ISSUE FACED: “Code of Innocence”

• IRONY: “The Suspect Heiress”

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: “Infiltrator’s Dilemma”

• THREAT TO HERO: “The Accused Bloodline”

• DISCOVERY: “Puzzle of Paternity”

• METAPHOR: “Blueprints of Betrayal”

Season 2: “Shadows of Deceit”

The crew chases encrypted keys to a Shadow Ledger, as Priya learns her father’s dark connection to it. A national threat looms, ending with Priya under RAW’s watchful eye.

• CONFLICT: “The Encryption Conspiracy”

• JOURNEY: “Chasing Shadows”

• DILEMMA: “The Legacy Trap”

• ISSUE FACED: “Keys to the Past”

• IRONY: “Watcher’s Prey”

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: “Under the Eye”

• THREAT TO HERO: “Cloak of Treason”

• DISCOVERY: “Blood Ties Unveiled”

• METAPHOR: “Whispers of Sedition”

Season 3: “The Map of Shadows”

Collaborating with a mysterious group, the team decrypts the ledger revealing a treacherous map. Priya’s lineage ties her to the Hawala architects, hinting at her destiny.

• CONFLICT: “Cartographers of Doom”

• JOURNEY: “The Ancestral Quest”

• DILEMMA: “Legacy’s Labyrinth”

• ISSUE FACED: “The Genealogy Key”

• IRONY: “Architect’s Descendant”

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: “Destiny’s Design”

• THREAT TO HERO: “Shadowed Blood”

• DISCOVERY: “The Architect’s Map”

• METAPHOR: “Genealogical Maze”

Season 4: “Biometric Betrayal”

The ledger’s secrets become accessible only through biometric keys. The team stops a nation’s downfall, but Priya unwittingly plants a code to rebuild the Hawala Network.

• CONFLICT: “The Biometric Conspiracy”

• JOURNEY: “Veins of Power”

• DILEMMA: “Identity’s Ransom”

• ISSUE FACED: “The Genetic Lock”

• IRONY: “The Key Within”

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: “Encoded Destiny”

• THREAT TO HERO: “Fingerprint of Fate”

• DISCOVERY: “The Code Carriers”

• METAPHOR: “Bloodline’s Cipher”

Season 5: “The Lazarus Gambit”

Facing an ancient secret society, the team grapples with “The Lazarus Protocol” at a global summit. Priya’s code transforms it, aiming for global economic balance, not chaos. What if Priya’s biological mother who once loved her father but betrayed him for his code has trained more geniuses like Priya?

• CONFLICT: “The Resurrection Scheme”

• JOURNEY: “The Lazarus Awakening”

• DILEMMA: “Gambit of the Ancients”

• ISSUE FACED: “The Final Code”

• IRONY: “The Creator’s Paradox”

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: “The Prodigy’s Burden”

• THREAT TO HERO: “Code of Justice”

• DISCOVERY: “Legacy’s Redemption”

• METAPHOR: “The Genesis Paradox”

Sequential Season Titles to Convey the Escalating Story:

Season 1: “Blueprints of Betrayal”

Season 2: “Chasing Shadows”

Season 3: “The Accused Bloodline”

Season 4: “Fingerprint of Fate”

Season 5: “Code of Justice”

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to be intentional about creating intrigue and setups/payoffs are a great way to do that. I improved some fluff and added more intrigue using the intrigue patterns and setups/payoffs. This helped me improve the bible, especially the character, episode and season descriptions.”

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Intrigue Patterns

“What I learned doing this assignment is… that it is really interesting to see how a line can be written with intrigue using the intrigue patterns in ten different ways”

OLD LINE: Lina: Yet, her infallibility is marred by a past blunder, having unknowingly entangled herself in the very network she now seeks to dismantle.

Rewritten using Intriguing Patterns:

A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.

Lina helped the Hawala network when she betrayed Priya’s father by implicating him in a financial scandal that led to his public disgrace. Can she foresee Priya’s downfall too?

B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.

Lina betrayed her colleague when she implicated him in a financial scandal that led to his public disgrace. What will she do to his daughter, Priya?

C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc..

If Priya wants to clear her father’s name, she will need Lina’s help. Will she seek it after finding out who betrayed her father? And how do we know Lina is not going to do it again?

D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________.

Priya is wondering where she’s seen those puzzles that Lina solves. She dismisses the flashback since her father has no friends. Is she hallucinating from her pills again?

E. But maybe it is all wrong.

Since Priya joined the team Lina’s predictions have been less accurate. She is definitely triggered. And, why does she have a picture hidden in her desk with Priya’s father?

F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences

Lina betrayed Priya’s father when she implicated him in a financial scandal that led to his public disgrace. How do we know she will not betray anyone else?

G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.

If Lina can betray her colleague by implicating him in a financial scandal to help the Hawala network, does that mean she is working as a mole?

H. State the mystery.

Lina says she wants to take down the corrupt Hawala network but she helped them by implicating Priya’s father in a financial scandal that led to his public disgrace. Who is she really working for?

I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.

While Lina is seen by everyone as the all-knowing “Oracle” she is not entirely without her flaws. It’s true that her predictions have mostly come true, but could it be that some of those were orchestrated by her?

J. Intense language.

Lina is the all-knowing “Oracle” but even she could not have predicted that one day she would be working to take down the network she once helped together with the daughter of the colleague she once betrayed.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to use all the five investigative tools to go beneath the surface of the show and discover deeper layers”

Tool 1: Dig: What’s beneath that?

Use in Episodes:

How did Priya become the successor to the Hawala network?

She was trained as a child by the architects of the Hawala network.

How does she not remember it?

She grew up in a secluded mansion and only recalls her father and various mentors he would bring to the house who would give her puzzles to solve. She was unknowingly homeschooled by the architects of the Hawala network. She was elated at being accepted at a prestigious university where she could go like others in the outside world. Her only contact outside was the Sunday brunches at the town café and hackers she met secretly on the dark web when she was allowed to use her father’s supercomputer one hour a week.

Who was her father?

He was one of the creators of the banking system and was an theoretical mathematician and econometrician who was betrayed by his former colleague – Lina, the Oracle. He was sidelined when his code which was meant to solve world’s poverty was used instead to accumulate wealth and hijack power by a few elites. They falsely implicate him in a financial scandal and cut ties with him after disgracing him publicly. They erase Priya’s memory using primitive untested methods and let her live when they are convinced, they have wiped her memory clean.

How did she end up in Mumbai?

Father falls terminally ill and needs to be shifted to a hospital. She sells the mansion to pay the bills. She is accepted to a prestigious university where she is recruited by RAW.

Did RAW know of her family connections?

Yes, frustrated with trying to crack the hawala case they dig deep with undercover operatives. They hear rumors of a successor who was trained as a child. They discover one of the creators was her father when he’s admitted in the city hospital. They keep him under surveillance and see Priya visit him daily. They want to bring her back into the fold to help infiltrate the network.

Does the Hawala network know of Priya?

Yes, they have been tracking her for years and watch her progress. A higher up in RAW is in cahoots with the Hawala network.

They know her father would never allow her to join the Hawala network after they turned his world for good into something evil and dangerous. So they get her on the heist team to crack the code.

She is the only one who can solve a glitch in the Lazarus protocol that can help them rewrite the world.

Tool 2: Extrapolate: If __________, then ____________.

Use in Episodes:

If the team discovers coded messages on local hawaldars then who sent them?

If there is a traitor in the team, who is it? – could it be anyone?

Who was Arjun typing a message to on a secret burner that he destroyed?

Who was Meera chatting with on the dark web that she deleted all traces of?

Who was Sofia meeting in disguise in the dark alley before the raid?

Why did Mandeep steal the keys to sneaking out at night?

How did Lina know where the Hawala safe houses were?

Tool 3: Wonder: What if ______________?

Use in Episodes:

What if Mandeep is only there to serve as the eyes and ears for the higher ups at RAW who have links to the Hawala network.

What if Arjun was told about Priya by his RAW superiors to get her on his team?

Tool 4: Backtrack: How could ______________ have happened?

Use in Episodes:

Terrorist attack kills Arjun’s sister. How could she be involved?

Arjun’s sister was tracking the ghost ledger sale when the terrorist attack was orchestrated as a distraction. She was lured to the attack site by the Cobra.

Tool 5: Forecast: How could this get even worse?

Don’t use: (keep for future seasons)

What if one of the Hawala architects has trained more geniuses like Priya using the methods she stole from her father and now they are all slowly losing their memories from a systematic pogram to erase their memories to keep the code a secret that no one can crack?

Use in TV Pitch Bible:

What if she is Priya’s biological mother who once loved her father but betrayed him when he refused to part with his code?

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Show Summary

“What I learned doing this assignment is… that the summary needs to intriguing to sell the show and it doesn’t need to have all the details of the pilot or the season”

A. Pilot as Inciting Incident

1. Set up — Character’s normal situation

Priya Rao, a mathematical prodigy drops out of her class at a prestigious University when a RAW agent approaches her for help with pattern recognition in a high-stakes chase to trap an illegal financial operator.

2. Twist/Hook

She passes her test to join the crew to infiltrate a major Hawala network but as a rookie, she struggles to earn their trust.

3. Real situation – Major Empathy / Distress

The team’s first mission to infiltrate a minor Hawala outlet is successful, but tensions arise within the team when coded messages are retrieved from the local hawaldars.

4. Twist/Hook

Mandeep suspects a mole within the team and Priya becomes his primary target when the media exposes her father’s scandal.

5. Impossible to solve conflict or major mystery.

The only way to bring down the Hawala network is to find the hidden ledger but first, they must decode the message to stop a terror attack.

6. Final Hook into the Series – Extreme Dramatic Question

Will Priya use her cryptanalysis to locate the ledger and clear her father’s name or will she find frightening family connections to the true architects of the Hawala network?

DRAFT SUMMARY (VERSION 1)

Priya Rao, a mathematical prodigy drops out of her class at a prestigious University when a RAW agent approaches her for help with pattern recognition in a high-stakes chase to trap an illegal financial operator.

She passes her test to join the crew to infiltrate a major Hawala network but as a rookie, she struggles to earn their trust.

The team’s first mission to infiltrate a minor Hawala outlet is successful, but tensions arise within the team when coded messages are retrieved from the local hawaldars.

Mandeep suspects a mole within the team and Priya becomes his primary target when the media exposes her father’s scandal.

The only way to bring down the Hawala network is to find the hidden ledger but first, they must decode the message to stop a terror attack.

Will Priya use her cryptanalysis to locate the ledger and clear her father’s name or will she find frightening family connections to the true architects of the Hawala network?

B. Highlights of Entire Season

Set up — Character’s normal situation

In the bustling streets of Mumbai, rookie RAW agent Priya Rao lives a double life: a dutiful daughter by day, a covert operative by night. Her world is disciplined, every step calculated—until a high-speed chase thrusts her into chaos.

Twist/Hook

Trust is her only weapon.

Layer beneath surface – Major Empathy / Distress

Infiltrating an international heist team, Priya grapples with her father’s ominous legacy, an undercurrent pulling her deeper into a world of shadows. She must earn the thieves’ trust, but the true test comes when they discover a traitor among them.

Twist/Hook

Shadows reveal more than light.

Impossible to solve conflict or major mystery.

Priya’s quest to retrieve the ledger from a labyrinthine Hawala network pitches the team against a backdrop of cybercrime and betrayal. With each code cracked and secret unearthed, the ledger’s power looms, threatening global financial anarchy.

Twist/Hook

One code to end it all.

Final Hook into the Series – Extreme Dramatic Question

As alliances fray and her father’s past converges with her present, Priya stands at the precipice of an impossible choice: salvage the world she knows or dismantle it entirely. Can she rewrite her destiny, or will she become the very chaos she seeks to control?

Twist/Hook

Can the agent avoid becoming the architect of destruction?

DRAFT SUMMARY (VERSION 2)

In the bustling streets of Mumbai, rookie RAW agent Priya Rao lives a double life: a dutiful daughter by day, and a covert operative by night. Her world is disciplined, every step calculated—until a high-speed chase thrusts her into chaos.

Trust is her only weapon.

Infiltrating an international heist team, Priya grapples with her father’s ominous legacy, an undercurrent pulling her deeper into a world of shadows. She must earn the thieves’ trust, but the true test comes when they discover a traitor among them.

Shadows reveal more than light.

Priya’s quest to retrieve the ledger from a labyrinthine Hawala network pitches the team against a backdrop of cybercrime and betrayal. With each code cracked and secret unearthed, the ledger’s power looms, threatening global financial anarchy.

One code to end it all.

As alliances fray and her father’s past converges with her present, Priya stands at the precipice of an impossible choice: salvage the world she knows or dismantle it entirely. Can she rewrite her destiny, or will she become the very chaos she seeks to control?

Can the rookie agent avoid becoming the architect of destruction?

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Episode Descriptions

“What I learned doing this assignment is… that you need each line to be intriguing and even a few lines of episode description can work for a TV bible to sell the show”

Episodes Descriptions

Episode 1: The Initiation

Priya Rao’s high-speed chase leads her to join a heist team, battling distrust and her father’s dark legacy as they infiltrate a Hawala outlet, uncovering just the iceberg’s tip and a mole within their ranks.

Episode 2: The Web of Deceit

Meera, the enigmatic “Ghost,” uncovers her past with a cybercrime syndicate as Priya deciphers critical codes, and the team is shaken by a leak hinting at a traitor among them, leading to a dire standoff.

Episode 3: The Shadows of the Past

Confronting her father’s past, Priya steps into the financial underworld, while Mandeep’s mole hunt threatens the team, leading to a shocking revelation about Lina’s ominous prediction.

Episode 4: The Chameleon’s Dilemma

Amidst personal turmoil, Priya and Sofia navigate loyalties, as a gala heist reveals a childhood connection, and a harrowing cliffhanger puts Sofia’s sister in the enemy’s grasp.

Episode 5: The Oracle’s Vision

A predicted financial upheaval leads the team on a vault heist, but when plans unravel, Priya’s capture by “The Cobra” marks a chilling turning point in the mission.

Episode 6: The Eye of the Storm

The team’s daring rescue clashes with revelations of Priya’s father’s secrets, culminating in Mandeep’s confrontation with Sofia over her duplicity.

Episode 7: The Hydra’s Head

A larger conspiracy emerges as the team unravels the network’s ghost nodes, leading to an explosive trap that threatens to shatter their unity and mission.

Episode 8: The Final Key

Priya’s final stand against the network unveils a grand scheme, with the ledger’s recovery only deepening the mystery, leaving her father’s fate and her allegiance in the balance.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Five Seasons

“What I learned doing this assignment is… that trying to find answers to the escalating stair steps is key to ensure each season is stronger than the previous one to build and keep audiences for a show.”

Five Seasons

Series Arc:

• Beginning of SEASON 1: Rookie RAW agent Priya Rao is recruited for her unique skills and joins the crew. The team starts planning the heist to infiltrate the Hawala Network and retrieve the ledger.

• Ending of SEASON 5: A high-stakes showdown leads to the dismantling of the Hawala Network and The Cobra’s downfall. The ledger is made public but at great personal cost to the team. ‘The Lazarus Protocol’ is initiated by the Hawala network to overhaul the entire world economy

Stair Steps of 5 Seasons

Bigger mystery

• Season 1: The Ledger is only part of a multi-layered puzzle.

• Season 2: The Shadow Ledger: Beyond the physical ledger, there’s a digital “shadow ledger” that holds encrypted keys to offshore accounts and illicit deals.

• Season 3: Shadow ledger contains not just financial transactions, but also incriminating political secrets and a treasure map to a vast hidden fortune. “Operation Pheonix” prototype will destroy a small nation.

• Season 4: The decentralized digital ledger accessible only through a series of biometric keys held by top-ranking members of the network, including The Cobra. RAW itself has members who are part of the Hawala Network.

• Season 5: The Hawala Network is revealed to be a front for a more ancient and powerful secret society that has manipulated financial markets for centuries. A high-profile global summit is the key to piecing together the ledger’s ultimate hiding place. The Hawala Network votes to initiate “The Lazarus Protocol” to overhaul the entire world economy.

Bigger conflict

• Season 1: Ghost Nodes and Network of Couriers

• Season 2: Shadow Ledger and series of escalating heists

• Season 3: Ghost Signal and an Unknown group as cautious collaborators

• Season 4: Ethical virus and clandestine global benefactors

• Season 5: ‘Zenith Event’ and Ancient Secret Society

Bigger opponent

• Season 1: local hawaldars and goons

• Season 2: National hawaldars and Hawala network Enforcers & RAW agents

• Season 3: Terrorists and Treasure hunters with links to Hackers on the dark web

• Season 4: Powerful benefactors with armed bodyguards: Cobra usurps Hyena’s empire

• Season 5: Clandestine society and their deadly assassins

Major layer exposed

• Season 1: Ghost node controls the entire Hawala operations; Priya is a rookie

• Season 2: Ghost node contains a shadow ledger that is broken up into several pieces each stored in secret secure vaults; Priya’s father was arrested by RAW in a Hawala scandal and RAW had been tracking her even before she joined the crew

• Season 3: shadow ledger is not just names & transactions but a map for a prototype called “Operation Pheonix”; Priya was adopted and her biological parents were prominent figures within the Hawala Network who were once the architects

• Season 4: “Operation Pheonix” will destroy a small nation unless the team can stop it; Priya was subconsciously planting a secondary elusive code to rebuild the Hawala network

• Season 5: The Lazarus Protocol” – is a secret protocol within the network that can be initiated if the ledger or its contents are at risk of exposure. It involves erasing all traces of the network and starting anew, with no regard for the lives entangled in its web; Priya’s code transforms it into a force for global economic balance

Exploring more dangerous ground

• Season 1: identifying local hawala operators and infiltrating the hawala network

• Season 2: National Hawala network & secure secret vaults to stop national terror plots

• Season 3: Stopping global terror plots linked to temporary economic destability

• Season 4: Stopping an entire small nation’s economy is permanently destroyed

• Season 5: Overhaul of Global Economy

Bigger arena for the fight

• Season 1: Local

• Season 2: National

• Season 3: Global hotspots

• Season 4: A Small Nation

• Season 5: Entire world

Stair Steps of 5 Seasons

Season 1: The Ledger’s Labyrinth

• Beginning: Rookie RAW agent Priya Rao joins a crew of international thieves to retrieve a crucial ledger. They face local hawaldars and the treachery within the murky finance world, all while Priya deals with her father’s scandal.

• Ending: The crew discovers that the ledger they’ve been chasing is only a part of a larger, more complex puzzle. Priya’s father is arrested, putting her loyalty into question.

• Stair-Step: The revelation that a ghost node controls the entire Hawala operations, and Priya is now under scrutiny by RAW.

Season 2: Shadows and Keys

• Beginning: The team chases the Shadow Ledger, leading to a series of heists to retrieve encrypted keys, as Priya learns her father’s scandal is deeper than it appeared.

• Ending: They unearth parts of the shadow ledger, but it’s encrypted, and Priya discovers her father’s involvement was deeper than she realized.

• Stair-Step: Escalation to national threats and revelation of the ledger’s pieces, with Priya now known to RAW.

Season 3: Secrets of the Syndicate

• Beginning: With the Ghost Signal as a guide, the crew joins forces with an unknown group to uncover political secrets and a treasure map within the ledger.

• Ending: They decode the map to reveal “Operation Pheonix”, a prototype that could destabilize economies. Priya learns she’s connected to the architects of the Hawala Network.

• Stair-Step: The ledger is more than financial records—it’s a political weapon and a map to a hidden fortune.

Season 4: Biometric Betrayals

• Beginning: The team navigates the digital ledger, now requiring biometric keys as they encounter the Cobra and powerful global benefactors.

• Ending: They stop “Operation Phoenix” from destroying a nation, but Priya unknowingly plants code that could rebuild the network.

• Stair-Step: The ledger is decentralized, and there’s a mole within the team, as the RAW’s involvement with the Hawala Network is exposed.

Season 5: The Lazarus Gambit

• Beginning: The crew faces the ultimate showdown at a global summit, as they learn the Hawala Network is a façade for an ancient secret society.

• Ending: “The Lazarus Protocol” is initiated, but Priya’s code transforms it, aiming for global economic balance instead of destruction.

• Stair-Step: The true scope of the conflict is revealed, with the Hawala Network as a front for an ancient society capable of overhauling the world economy.

Season Building Blocks:

Season 1: “The Hidden Ledger”

A. High Concept or Major Hook: A rookie RAW agent with a personal vendetta joins a crew of elite thieves to uncover a ledger that could unbalance the financial world, navigating a treacherous landscape where money, mystery, and betrayal blend.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: Priya, a mathematical genius, delves into the underground world of the Hawala Network to clear her father’s name, only to find herself ensnared in a web of espionage that questions her loyalties and tests her limits.

C. Main Conflict: The team must outmaneuver local hawaldars and goons to uncover the ledger, while RAW’s shadow looms over Priya, suspecting her father’s guilt and her potential complicity.

D. Main Mystery/Layers: As the team uncovers the ledger, they realize it’s a facade for deeper secrets within the Hawala Network, controlled by an enigmatic ghost node.

E. Cliffhanger: The season culminates with the arrest of Priya’s father, throwing her motives into question and revealing that the ledger they seek is but one piece of a larger, more dangerous puzzle.

Season 2: “Vaults of Shadow”

A. High Concept or Major Hook: The crew must locate and decrypt the shadow ledger, a digital twin filled with encrypted secrets that could destabilize nations.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: Priya’s journey becomes more complex as she discovers her father’s deep ties to the shadow ledger, which challenges her allegiance to the crew and RAW.

C. Main Conflict: The crew faces a series of escalating heists against national hawaldars and enforcers, as RAW agents become a direct threat.

D. Main Mystery/Layers: The shadow ledger is revealed to be fragmented and hidden in vaults worldwide, each piece guarded by formidable security.

E. Cliffhanger: Priya learns RAW has been tracking her as she uncovers her father’s deeper involvement in the Hawala scandal, questioning her loyalty to the crew.

Season 3: “Map of the Vanished Fortune”

A. High Concept or Major Hook: The ledger leads to a treasure map, implicating political figures and promising a vast hidden fortune, escalating the heist to a global scale.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: As they decode the ledger, Priya discovers her true heritage, tied to the architects of the Hawala Network, which changes her understanding of the mission.

C. Main Conflict: The crew collaborates with an enigmatic group against terrorists and treasure hunters, aiming to prevent a prototype weapon from destabilizing the economy.

D. Main Mystery/Layers: The true nature of the shadow ledger is a map, not just for treasure, but for a weapon capable of economic annihilation.

E. Cliffhanger: The season ends with Priya’s shocking revelation of her adoption and her biological parents’ identity, architects of the Hawala Network.

Season 4: “Biometric Keys to Power”

A. High Concept or Major Hook: The ledger becomes a decentralized enigma, with biometric keys scattered across the globe, held by influential figures of a shadowy network.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: The team races against time to prevent the destruction of a nation as Priya struggles with her subconscious betrayal of the crew.

C. Main Conflict: The crew faces off against powerful benefactors and their armed bodyguards, including the formidable Cobra, who usurped the Hyena’s empire.

D. Main Mystery/Layers: The ledger is now a sophisticated digital fortress, accessible only through biometric keys held by the network’s elite.

E. Cliffhanger: The team prevents “Operation Phoenix,” but Priya has been unwittingly planting code that could reconstruct the Hawala Network.

Season 5: “The Lazarus Protocol”

A. High Concept or Major Hook: The ancient secret society behind the Hawala Network initiates “The Lazarus Protocol,” a plan to erase and rebirth the world’s economy.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: In the ultimate game of high stakes, the crew and Priya must confront the true power behind the Hawala Network to avert global chaos.

C. Main Conflict: The crew combats a clandestine society and its deadly assassins, while Priya’s code becomes the linchpin for a new world order.

D. Main Mystery/Layers: The Lazarus Protocol is the network’s doomsday plan, hidden within the ledgers and capable of reshaping the global economy.

E. Cliffhanger: Priya transforms the destructive Lazarus Protocol into a force for economic balance, but at what cost to the network and her own life?

5 SEASON SUMMARY

Season 1: “The Hidden Ledger”

Priya Rao, a rookie with a genius for patterns, infiltrates a Hawala Network to find a ledger and exonerate her father. Unearthing the ledger’s part in a bigger puzzle, her father’s arrest leaves her motives suspect.

Season 2: “Shadows of Deceit”

The crew chases encrypted keys to a Shadow Ledger, as Priya learns her father’s dark connection to it. A national threat looms, ending with Priya under RAW’s watchful eye.

Season 3: “The Map of Shadows”

Collaborating with a mysterious group, the team decrypts the ledger revealing a treacherous map. Priya’s lineage ties her to the Hawala architects, hinting at her destiny.

Season 4: “Biometric Betrayal”

The ledger’s secrets become accessible only through biometric keys. The team stops a nation’s downfall, but Priya unwittingly plants a code to rebuild the Hawala Network.

Season 5: “The Lazarus Gambit”

Facing an ancient secret society, the team grapples with “The Lazarus Protocol” at a global summit. Priya’s code transforms it, aiming for global economic balance, not chaos.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Character Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is…to identify the most intriguing parts of the characters and create a beginning, middle and end to their character pitches

Title: Hawala Heist
Format/Genre: One-hour Heist Thriller Series

Concept: A rookie RAW agent joins a crew of international thieves to penetrate an underground banking network to retrieve a ledger that can crash the financial world.
Intriguing World:In the murky depths of unregulated finance lies the Hawala Network, an ancient system now intertwined with the digital underworld – where espionage and cybercrime blend seamlessly, and faceless entities manoeuvre from the shadows in a high-stakes game of shaping conflicts. This world, brimming with clandestine dealings and digital ghosts, offers a playground where every transaction is a puzzle, every disguise a doorway, and every revelation could ignite global chaos.

Lead Character Pitches

Character Pitch: Priya Rao (AKA Rookie)
Priya Rao, known among her peers as Rookie, is the perfect storm of brilliance and naivety—a mathematical prodigy whose expertise in pattern recognition makes her invaluable in infiltrating the Hawala Networks labyrinthine security. Yet, beneath her analytical prowess lies a wound that bleeds distrust the arrest of her father for a financial crime she's determined to prove he didn't commit fuels her every move. Torn between the moral quagmires of her covert operations and the burning need to clear her family name, Priya’s inner turmoil and impulsive nature under stress promise to unravel not just the network she’s penetrating but the very team that relies on her genius.

Character Pitch: Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)
Arjun Nair, the enigmatic Raven,is the operations nucleus—a former RAW agent turned mastermind with an intimate knowledge of the Hawala Network and espionage tactics. His calculating mind is as dark as his alias, plotting moves with a relentless obsession fueled by a vendetta against The Cobra, whose actions led to his sister’s tragic death. This personal crusade for vengeance threatens to consume him, pushing ethical boundaries and risking the mission and his own morality, as he maneuvers through a web of deceit and danger, driven by rage yet masked by a facade of strategic calm.

Character Pitch: Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)
Meera Verma, the elusive Ghost,is the digital wraith of the team, a hacking virtuoso whose fingertips dance across keyboards to unlock the world’s secrets. Haunted by a treacherous past with a cybercriminal syndicate, her expertise now serves as a double-edged sword, cutting through the Hawala Network’s defenses while weaving a complex web to conceal her own tracks. With each keystroke, she seeks redemption, erasing the sins of her history, all while her former allies shadows loom, threatening to drag her back into the abyss she’s desperately hacking to escape.

Character Pitch: Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)
Sofia Petrovna, the enigmatic Chameleon,is a paragon of adaptability, a master of disguise whose true face is as elusive as her shifting personas. Her quest to rescue her sister from the Hawala Networks clutches is the linchpin of her duplicity, driving her to betray her team and feed information to the enemy. Yet, as her feelings for a teammate grow, Sofia’s layered deceptions weave a precarious web, threatening to entangle her in her own lies, as she teeters on a razor’s edge between familial loyalty, forbidden love, and the treacherous duplicity of her double life.

Character Pitch: Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)
Mandeep Singh, known in the dark alleys of espionage as is the embodiment of stealth and loyalty—a master thief turned field operative whose skills in covert operations are as legendary as his manipulative prowess. Tasked with investigating a mole within the team, Mandeep’s world is a canvas of shadows, where trust is as fleeting as the whispers of treachery that haunt their missions. His heart is an unwilling participant in a duplicitous game of affection with Sofia, the enigmatic Chameleon, where each stolen moment deepens the moral abyss he must navigate, all while his true mission—to unmask a traitor—threatens to cast him as the ultimate betrayer.

Character Pitch: Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)
Lina Chen, the prescient is the linchpin of foresight in a world shrouded by financial shadows—a seasoned analyst whose ability to predict the ebbs and flows of the Hawala Network’s funds is as uncanny as it is indispensable. Yet, her infallibility is marred by a past blunder, having unknowingly entangled herself in the very network she now seeks to dismantle. Lina’s struggle for redemption is palpable, as she grapples with the specter of past guilt, her analytical veneer cracking under the strain of paranoia, even as her sharp intellect aims to outmaneuver the clandestine financial tides she once helped swell.

Character Pitch: Raghav Patel (AKA The Hyena)
Raghav Patel, the formidable Hyena, is the epitome of survivalist guile—a charismatic yet ruthless overlord at the helm of the Hawala Network's financial machinations. His strategic mind orchestrates the underworld’s cash flows with the same predatory instinct as his namesake, prioritizing self-preservation and power with a ferocity that is both awe-inspiring and terrifying. With the network’s damning ledger under his claw-like grip, Raghav’s thirst for domination is unchecked, even as his past betrayal gnaws at him, propelling him toward a future where he must balance the paranoia of leadership against the raw ambition that fuels his empire.

Character Pitch: Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)
Harsh Mehta, known ominously as The Cobra, is the embodiment of silent danger—a loyal and lethal enforcer within the Hawala Network whose cold-blooded efficiency in eliminating threats is as feared as his namesake. Shrouded in the dark allure of power, his path is one of ruthless ambition, each act of compliance to the network’s codes etching deeper the secret of his involvement in the attack that haunts Arjun’s nightmares. This serpent’s dance with destiny is fraught with the tension of hidden truths, as Harsh’s quest for ascent within the clandestine order is poised against the looming specter of a past that threatens to strike at the heart of his existence.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  cheryl croasmun. Reason: Removed HTML tags so others can post
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[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Intriguing Concept and World

“What I learned doing this assignment is…that the intriguing concept must have unique hooks that can instantly sell the show and the unique world must be relevant to answer the question ‘why now?’”

Intriguing Concept and World

1. Concept:

• A. A rookie RAW agent joins a crew of international thieves…

• B. …to penetrate an underground banking network (Hawala) operation…

• C. …to retrieve a coveted ledger that can upend governments and…

• D. …bring the financial world to its knees.

New Concept: A rookie RAW agent joins a crew of international thieves to penetrate an underground banking network to retrieve a ledger that can crash the financial world.

HOOK 1: How do you infiltrate a dangerous network that operates outside the regular financial system to find a secret ledger that can crash the world’s economies?

HOOK 2: What will it take for a crew of international thieves to retrieve a coveted ledger which can topple governments and crash the financial world?

HOOK 3: How do you steal a mythical ledger from an organization that operates illegally outside the financial system without leaving paper trails?

HOOK 4: What would happen if a suspended RAW agent recruits a rookie math whiz to join his crew of international thieves on an unsanctioned op to retrieve a secret ledger by penetrating the illegal financial world of Hawala?

HOOK 5: Why would a math whiz leave college to join a crew of international thieves on a dangerous unsanctioned op into the underground banking network called Hawala?

HOOK 6: What if Mr Robot meets Money Heist?

2. World: Unregulated Finance

• Unique Sub-World: Hawala Network

• Previously unexplored: Espionage, Black market, Ghost nodes, the art of disguise, time-sensitive transactions, pattern recognition, cryptanalysis.

• The unknown: How terrorists use the Hawala to fund their attacks? What form does it take in the digital world?

• The Unseen: Who are the players in the Hawala network and how far does it go?

• Unheard of Dangers: terrorism financing, money laundering, cybercrimes

• Reason to explore it: Hawala network was even used to fund the Hamas wars, joining hands with cryptocurrency the Hawala form of remittance is now a cybercrime epidemic in the financial sector.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Creating Irony!

“What I learned doing this assignment is… that creating irony is easy and fun. Using AI, I also discovered that there was a great deal of irony already built into my character profiles, mysteries and layers.”

ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show Irony

Example Show: Mr Robot

Character Irony

1. Elliot is a cybersecurity tech who hacks into the company he is hired to protect.

2. Elliot joins the hacker group that is threatening his own company.

3. The homeless hobo is Mr Robot the leader of the hacker group Fsociety

4. Elliot breaks out the drug dealer who raped his girlfriend Shayla to save her and finds her dead in the car trunk all along

5. Kristen his therapist is trying to help him form meaningful relationships can’t find one herself

6. Elliot kisses Darlene for looking out for him and finds out she is his sister

7. Elliot who has been taking instructions from Mr Robot is actually his dead father

8. Elliot blames Mr Robot for not sticking to the plan and finds out it was his plan all along

9. His nemesis Tyrell is the one who helps him take down Evil Corp

10. Allison joins Evil Corp after filing a lawsuit against them

Situational Irony

1. A cyber security tech hacks his client he is meant to protect from hackers

2. A cybersecurity firm AllSafe gets hacked by vigilante hackers Fsociety.

3. The guy Elliot blames for his predicament is his dead father Mr Robot

4. Elliot’s drug dealer is his girlfriend

5. Elliot who hacks to protect people in his life inadvertently causes them harm

6. Tyrell tries to compromise the acting CTO by exposing himself to his wife but she tells her husband and now he is compromised

7. Tyrell strangles the acting CTO’s wife to take the job and gets fired

8. Elliot who turn down Tyrell’s job offer to work together at Evil Corp ends up working with him to take down Evil Corp

9. Elliot is Mr Robot and he is the leader of Fsociety

10. Allison and Elliot lost their parents due to Evil Corp both end up working for the same company to ultimately take it down

ASSIGNMENT 2: My Show Irony

My Show: Ghost Ledger

Genre: One-hour Heist Thriller series

Concept: A suspended RAW agent assembles a crew of expert international thieves to penetrate an enigmatic hawala network operation outside India to retrieve a coveted ledger that can upend governments and bring the financial world to its knees.

Character Irony: (without AI)

1. Arjun: RAW agent suspended for suspected Hawala dealings takes down the Hawala network; Want: to dismantle the Hawala network; Need: revenge for his sister’s death

2. Meera: She blames Arjun for the death of his sister and her best friend but her past alliance with a cybercriminal organization led to the terrorist attack that killed her; She has a secret childhood crush on Arjun

3. Sofia: she is the mole that leaks information about their plans to save her missing sister; her sister is working in the Hawala network to dismantle it from within and is not a victim as she is led to believe; She and Arjun had a fling in the past

4. Mandeep: breaks the code to fall in love with Sofia who is the mole he’s been secretly tasked to find; He was a renowned thief before he was recruited as a RAW agent; He suspects his team leader and mentor Arjun as the mole; Wound: he was betrayed by a fellow operative on a mission who turns out to be Arjun

5. Lina: The all-knowing “Oracle” gets her predictions wrong due to her guilt and jeopardizes their mission; She is trying to take down the network whose architect was her mentor in financial espionage.

6. Raghav: who guard the ghost ledger against the heist is secretly planning his own heist on global economies

7. Harsh: Haunted by his past as a child soldier in Africa is a ruthless enforcer for the Hawala network

Situational Irony: (Without AI)

1. A group of thieves seek justice by stealing the ghost ledger from a corrupt financial network

2. Bringing down the Hawala network could lead to economic collapse in impoverished areas

3. Mandeep’s superiors in RAW are on the Ghost ledger of the Hawala network

4. The terror attack was a distraction to stop the sale of the Ghost Ledger

5. Everyone on Arjun’s team has a connection to the Ghost Ledger they are trying to find

6. The architect of the Ghost ledger publicly leads a global task force against financial crimes as the foremost fighter against the kind of terrorism they secretly orchestrated

7. A character previously thought to be dead stages a public funeral is alive and manipulating events behind the scenes

8. The shadow organization behind the network funds public welfare projects also funds wars.

9.

10. The Hawala network was originally founded to balance global power but was corrupted over time.

Irony (With AI)

1. Plot Irony:

• The team plans an elaborate heist to steal the ledger, only to discover that it’s a decoy, and the real ledger is hidden in plain sight in a location they’ve already investigated.

• The team, assembled to dismantle the Hawala Network, inadvertently strengthens it through their actions, pushing the ledger further into the shadows.

• The series finale could reveal that the whole operation was orchestrated by a government agency to secretly fund their covert operations, making the protagonists’ efforts ironically counterproductive to their ethical intentions.

2. Character Irony:

• Arjun Nair, who is obsessed with revenge, might find himself in a position where he must save The Cobra to achieve his goals, juxtaposing his personal vendetta with his professional ethics.

• Arjun Nair (Raven) seeks to destroy the Hawala Network for its crimes, but as he delves deeper, he finds that he must adopt tactics as ruthless as theirs to succeed, blurring the lines between hero and villain.

• Sofia Petrovna, despite being the mole, could be the one to make a crucial discovery that leads to the network’s downfall, ironically becoming the heroine.

3. Relational Irony:

• Mandeep Singh’s romantic involvement with Sofia could lead to a scenario where he has to choose between his loyalty to the mission and his love for Sofia, with the ironic twist being that his love is the key to unlocking the mystery of the mole.

• Mandeep Singh (Shadow) develops a brotherly bond with Arjun, only to later suspect him of being the mole he’s meant to uncover, creating a conflict of loyalty versus duty.

4. Situational Irony:

• The team could successfully steal the ledger, only to find out that it is a decoy, and the real ledger is somewhere else entirely.

• Lina Chen’s predictions as Oracle might lead the team to a series of events that result in the opposite of the intended outcome.

• Sofia Petrovna (Chameleon) infiltrates the network to find her sister, but her sister doesn’t want to be saved, having become a loyal member of the network.

5. Cover-Up Irony:

• Raghav Patel’s overprotective nature of the ledger could be the very reason it falls into the team’s hands, as his actions draw more attention to it.

• Lina Chen (Oracle) works to expose the network’s financial crimes, but must keep her own involvement with them hidden, risking exposure with every move she makes against them.

6. Layer Irony:

• Harsh Mehta’s past acts of terrorism, which are meant to instill fear, could ironically inspire a movement against the Hawala Network.

• The team’s operation relies on misinformation and deception to trick the Hawala operatives. However, their entire plan is based on incorrect intelligence, making them the ones who are deceived.

7. Action Irony:

• The team’s sophisticated heist plans could be undone by a simple, unforeseen act of nature or a small mistake by a peripheral character.

• The more the team fights to bring down the network, the more they inadvertently solidify its power by eliminating its rivals.

8. Dialogue Irony:

• Characters could use double entendres that reflect their hidden agendas. For example, Arjun might say, “We all have our ghosts to chase,” which resonates with both his vendetta and Meera Verma’s attempt to escape her past.

• Characters frequently discuss the importance of trust and loyalty, unaware that one of their own is a traitor.

9. Dramatic Irony:

• The audience is aware that Sofia is the mole, but the team is not, creating tension and engagement as viewers anticipate the moment of discovery.

• The audience is aware that Harsh Mehta (The Cobra) is responsible for the death of Arjun’s sister, but Arjun does not know this, leading to moments where they collaborate closely, with Arjun unwittingly aligning with his sister’s killer.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Big Picture Open Loops

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to create big open loops that can create intrigue and invite obsession for the series”

Example Show: Mr Robot

Big Picture Open Loops:

1. Will Elliot get caught for hacking into Evil Corp?

2. Will his boss Gideon at AllSafe find out he is the mole?

3. Will Elliot and Angela ever get together?

4. Will Elliot work for Fsociety or rat them out?

5. Will Evil Corp be taken down or will Elliot fall victim?

6. Who is Mr Robot?

7. Who is Tyrell and what does he want?

8. Can Elliot protect the people he cares about?

Smaller Open Loops:

1. Will Krista and Angela find out Elliot hacked their partners to protect them?

2. Who is blackmailing Ollie and Angela?

3. Will Elliot avenge his girlfriend Shayla’s death?

4. Who is Darlene? Will Elliot and Darlene work together?

5. Will Angela get Colby to testify against Evil Corp?

6. Why is being CTO so important to Tyrell and his wife? Who are they really and what is their secret?

7. What does Mr Robot have on Tyrell and what does he want from him?

8. Will Elliot start using morphine again?

My Show: Ghost Ledger

Format / Genre: 1 hour Heist Thriller Series

Concept: A suspended RAW agent assembles a crew of expert international thieves to penetrate an enigmatic hawala network operation outside India to retrieve a coveted ledger that can upend governments and bring the financial world to its knees.

Conflict: Will the thieves pull off their heist or get killed trying?

Big Open Loops: (without AI)

1. Will Arjun and his team retrieve the ghost ledger?

2. Will Arjun get his personal vendetta against “The Cobra”?

3. Will Meera and Arjun ever get together?

4. Will Sofia find her missing sister?

5. Will Mandeep find the mole within RAW?

6. Will Lina be found out for her involvement in the Hawala network?

7. Will Raghav find his mole in the Hawala network?

8. Will Harsh face off with Arjun in the end?

9. Will Arjun get reinstated as a RAW agent?

10. Will we ever solve the Ghost node puzzle?

11. Will the team find all the pieces of the ledger that require multiple heists to complete the ledger?

12. As the team seeks the ledger pieces, will they discover that the ledger is more than just a record of transactions, but a map to something even more valuable?

13. Is there a deeper reason behind Arjun’s sister’s death, possibly tied to a conspiracy within RAW or the government?

14. As the team gets closer to completing the ledger, will they attract the attention of a global entity with the power to either help or hinder their mission?

Big Open Loops: (with AI)

GOALS:

New Goals:

1. The team discovers that the ledger contains information on a mysterious “Operation Phoenix” that could lead to a much bigger threat than the network itself. The new goal becomes not only retrieving the ledger but also deciphering and stopping this operation.

Goals Related to the Big Picture:

2. As they get closer to the ledger, they realize that the financial world’s downfall could trigger global chaos. They must decide if exposing the truth is worth the potential anarchy.

Crushed Goals:

3. A failed initial attempt to retrieve the ledger leads to increased security and paranoia within the Hawala Network, forcing the team to regroup and rethink their strategy.

Competition / Conflict Around Goals:

4. Another criminal syndicate is also after the ledger, leading to a three-way battle between the team, the Hawala Network, and this new player.

CONSEQUENCES:

Are They Going to Be Caught?

5. The team’s operations start drawing too much attention, leading to a relentless Interpol agent picking up their trail.

Problems Created from Past Actions:

6. Previous hacks by Meera (AKA Ghost) inadvertently leave digital breadcrumbs that begin to point towards the team’s identities.

Good Plans Gone Wrong:

7. An unexpected betrayal within the team leads to a botched operation, leaving a member in the hands of the Hawala Network.

SOLVING PROBLEMS:

Major Problem for a Character:

8. Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow) discovers clues that suggest the mole within the Indian Intelligence might be someone he trusts.

Major Change Imposed on Character:

9. Lina Chen (AKA Oracle) must confront her past when the team’s mission indirectly leads to the arrest of her former mentor.

Previous Solutions Cause New Problems:

10. The team’s strategy to disrupt the network’s finances accidentally causes a small country’s economy to collapse, raising moral questions.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Relationships in Peril:

11. Arjun and Meera’s growing relationship is tested as her past threatens to catch up with them.

New Relationships Forming:

12. Sofia (AKA Chameleon) connects with a member of the Hawala Network, creating a complex bond that could be her sister’s last known link.

Conflict Inside Relationships:

13. Raghav Patel (AKA The Hyena) suspects Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra) of having his own agenda, leading to an internal power struggle.

DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:

Can They Survive X?

14. The team must survive a gauntlet set by the Network, designed to be impossible to pass as a punishment for their audacity.

Internal Dangers:

15. Arjun’s vendetta against The Cobra leads him down a dark path, risking the mission and the lives of his crew for personal revenge.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Show Mysteries

“What I learned doing this assignment is…use a shocking event to create mysteries that reveal over time and create coverups to make the reveal even more shocking.”

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Example Show: Mr Robot

1. Shocking Event Mystery:

• Shocking Event: Elliot sits across from the owner of coffee shop with a manila envelope with his private details.

• Secret: He has secretly hacked into his system and called the cops

• Investigation: He finds illegal child porn being trafficked by the coffee shop owner and sits face to face to see him get arrested

• WWWWW and How:

WHO: Elliot is a coffee shop patron who has the owner’s private information

WHAT: illegal child porn trafficking data

WHEN: for a week now he’s been frequenting the shop and seeing unusual internet traffic on the shop severs

WHERE: at the coffee shop

WHY: Wants to stall the owner by negotiating a rate for his private info; for the cops to show up so he cannot wipe his server before that

HOW: hacked into the server

• Part Withheld: WHY & HOW

2. Over Time Mystery:

• Cover up: Elliot is a cybersecurity techie for Evil Corp

• Secret: He is a vigilante hacker

• Reveals: He hacks the company he’s working to protect from hackers; the hobo on the train is a vigilante hacker who wants to take down Evil Corp; Mr Robot needs Elliot to frame the CTO; Elliot joins Mr Robot and Fsociety; Elliot plans the next hack to wipe the physical backups at the server farm

• WWWWW and How:

• WHO: Elliot the cybersecurity techie turned vigilante hacker at fsociety

• WHAT: to bring down Evil Corp

• WHEN: before they install the new system

• WHERE: at the server backup farm

• WHY: to save people who are in debt and suffering due to the evil conglomerate; Evil corp poisoned his dad

• HOW: by hacking into the server backup farm using Elliot’s hacking skills

• Part Withheld: WHY and HOW

ASSIGNMENT 2:

My Show: Ghost Ledger

Format / Genre: Heist Thriller (One Hour Serial)

Concept: A suspended RAW agent assembles a crew of expert international thieves to penetrate an enigmatic hawala network operation outside India to retrieve a coveted ledger that can upend governments and bring the financial world to its knees.

Discovering Mysteries (without AI)

Shocking Event Mystery:

• SHOCKING EVENT: The crypto market crashed a day before the terror attack

• SECRET: to stop the sale of the ghost ledger

• INVESTIGATION: into the terror attack reveals a link between its crash and the terror attack

• WWWWW and How:

WHO: RAW audit team

WHAT: Looking for info leak

WHEN: a day before the terror attack

WHERE: on the dark web and crypto marketplace

WHY: to stop a high-value sale of an asset

HOW: artificially crashing the crypto market by injecting funds through the Hawala network to drive prices down

Part Withheld: WHY & HOW

Over Time Mystery:

• SHOCKING EVENT: A terror attack in the capital exposes the failure of intelligence

• MYSTERY: The financial markets foreshadowed the terror attack

• COVERUP: The attack was meant to destroy the Ghost Ledger

• SECRET: Ghost Ledger contained all illegal international transactions made through the Hawala network with high-profile names that could bring down governments if exposed

• INVESTIGATION: of the intelligence failure by the RAW Audit team

• WWWWW and How:

WHO: Arjun was heading the team monitoring the chatter

WHAT: A major event was foreshadowed by financial markets’ frenzied selling

WHEN: A day before Independence Day celebrations

WHERE: Capital city of Delhi

WHY: To destroy the ghost ledger

HOW: By crashing the crypto market to stop a sale

• Part Withheld: WHY & HOW

• REVEAL1: Arjun’s sister died in the terror attack

• REVEAL2: Arjun’s suspension for the failure was due to Oracle’s past involvement in the Hawala network that framed him as a suspected mole during the Macau job

• REVEAL3: Arjun wants revenge on Cobra who was responsible for carrying out the attack

• REVEAL4: Arjun’s sister was working with Raghav in the cybercrime org making the sale

• REVEAL5: Raghav doesn’t have the Ghost Ledger and if his clients find out everything he’s built is ruined

• REVEAL6: Arjun’s sister hid it in plain sight for Arjun to find

• REVEAL7: The ghost ledger was with Arjun all along, but he needed to bring down the Hawala network to seek revenge for killing his sister

• REVEAL8: Meera suspected Arjun’s motives and discovered her besties hiding place and encrypted the file

• REVEAL9: Mandeep was sent by his boss who had links to the Hawala network and featured on the Ledger to steal the lost Ledger by infiltrating Arjun’s team

• REVEAL 10: Sofia falls in love with Mandeep to trade the retrieved ledger for her sister

Using AI Prompt 1:

For the heist thriller TV series concept you’ve provided, here’s a list of possible mysteries that could be created for Season 1:

1. The Ledger’s Location: The first major mystery is the location of the hidden ledger. Clues point to various global financial centers, requiring the team to execute multiple heists to piece together its whereabouts.

2. The Cobra’s Secret: The team needs to uncover the true identity and motives of The Cobra, potentially revealing a twist in his relationship with Arjun’s sister and his real connection to the terrorist attack.

3. Meera’s Betrayal: As the team gets closer to infiltrating the network, they discover evidence that Meera might still be working for her former cybercriminal organization, casting doubt on her loyalty.

4. Sofia’s Sister: The mystery of Sofia’s missing sister takes a turn when they find she may be deeply entrenched in the network, possibly as a key player rather than a victim.

5. Mandeep’s Double Game: The team grapples with suspicions about Mandeep’s true allegiance as his actions become increasingly ambiguous. Is he really searching for a mole, or is he the mole?

6. Lina’s Redemption: A mystery emerges around Lina’s past actions with the network. The team discovers encrypted files suggesting she played a bigger part in the network’s schemes than she admits.

7. Raghav’s Allies: The team uncovers a list of powerful individuals and organizations that are allied with Raghav, leading to a complex web of alliances and betrayals that span the globe.

8. The Hawala Network’s Next Move: As the team disrupts the network’s operations, they race to predict and prevent a catastrophic financial event orchestrated by the network as retaliation.

9. Harsh’s Redemption or Downfall: As Arjun closes in on Harsh, mysteries about Harsh’s past and his potential desire for redemption surface, offering a chance for Harsh to switch sides.

10. Ghost Nodes Puzzle: Meera discovers that the Hawala Network’s Ghost nodes are part of a larger, more sophisticated system than previously thought, which could revolutionize the world of illicit finance if made public.

Using PROMPT 2:

To create a high-concept heist thriller series with the provided elements, here’s a breakdown of the mysteries and strategies:

Mystery Strategy 1: Opening Shocking Event Mystery

• Shocking Event: The series opens with the heist team discovering a link between the Hawala Network’s ghost ledger and the terror attack that killed Arjun’s sister. This event is broadcasted on international news as an unsolved mystery, rekindling Arjun’s vendetta.

• Secret: The ghost ledger contains not just financial transactions but also coded messages between terrorists and the Hawala Network, hinting at a global conspiracy.

• Investigation: The team must track down the ghost ledger, which is constantly moving in a complex network of couriers and safe houses. Each episode uncovers a layer of the ledger’s journey, drawing the team deeper into danger.

Mystery Strategy 2: Ongoing Over-Time Mystery

• Cover up: The Hawala Network uses its influence to manipulate media and law enforcement, keeping the ledger’s existence hidden.

• Secret: The ledger has a mysterious cipher that, once decoded, reveals the true mastermind behind the terror attacks and the network’s most protected secrets.

• Reveals: The series gradually exposes the roles each character has in relation to the ledger and the terror attack. Flashbacks reveal their pasts and how deeply interconnected they are with the ledger’s history.

Linking the Mysteries:

• Connection between the terror attack and the ghost ledger: It’s discovered that the ledger funded the terror attack that killed Arjun’s sister. Each transaction is a piece of the puzzle, leading to “The Cobra.”

• Nature of the ghost ledger: The ledger is not just a record of transactions but a map of the global power structure, with the Hawala Network at its center. It’s a ledger of sins, and its revelation could topple governments and shift the balance of power.

Series Arc:

The series will follow the team’s quest to uncover the ledger, the truth behind the terror attack, and ultimately, the real power behind the Hawala Network. Each character’s personal stakes are intertwined with the ledger’s secrets, creating a rich tapestry of intrigue and suspense that drives the series forward.

Integration into Series Format:

Each episode could end with a cliffhanger reveal, a small piece of the ledger decoded, or a character’s secret coming to light, ensuring viewers are hooked for the next installment. The overarching mysteries will drive the season’s narrative, with resolution points strategically placed at mid-season and season finales to satisfy viewers while setting up new storylines for subsequent seasons.

By intertwining personal vendettas with global conspiracies, this heist thriller will not only provide edge-of-your-seat entertainment but also delve into themes of loyalty, betrayal, and the true cost of justice.

Follow-Up Prompt: REVEALS & COVERUPS

REVEAL 1: The true architect of the terror attack is a high-ranking government official in a major world power, using the Hawala Network for their own agenda.

COVERUP 1: The government official publicly leads a global task force against financial crimes, positioning themselves as the foremost fighter against the kind of terrorism they’re secretly orchestrating.

REVEAL 2: Arjun’s sister was not just a victim; she was involved with the Hawala Network, unknowingly part of a larger scheme.

COVERUP 2: Arjun’s sister is portrayed in flashbacks as a humanitarian aid worker, her involvement with the network completely obscured and only hinted at through cryptic clues.

REVEAL 3: Meera’s former cybercriminal organization is backed by an alliance of intelligence agencies that use criminal networks for off-the-books operations.

COVERUP 3: Meera’s history is scrubbed clean by her former organization, which plants evidence suggesting she’s been killed, removing any trace of her past connections.

REVEAL 4: Sofia’s missing sister is alive and has been operating as a mole within the Hawala Network, providing information to an unknown entity.

COVERUP 4: Sofia receives intel that her sister died during a network operation, with doctored footage of her last moments, to prevent her from digging deeper.

REVEAL 5: Mandeep Singh discovers the Indian Intelligence Service has been infiltrated at the highest levels by the Hawala Network, questioning his loyalty.

COVERUP 5: Mandeep’s investigations are continuously misdirected by planted evidence, making him suspect loyal agents instead of the actual moles.

REVEAL 6: Lina Chen’s involvement with the Hawala Network was not as unwitting as she claims; she had her own reasons for joining their financial schemes.

COVERUP 6: Lina’s records are altered to show her as a victim of the network’s manipulation, with fake testimonies corroborating her innocence.

REVEAL 7: The ledger contains a hidden section that implicates several team members in various crimes, sowing distrust and tension within the group.

COVERUP 7: The team periodically receives parts of the ledger, but they are expertly forged duplicates that lead them on wild goose chases.

REVEAL 8: Raghav Patel’s ledger is a decoy; the real ledger is digital, hidden within the blockchain, making it nearly impossible to locate and decode.

COVERUP 8: Raghav frequently moves the physical ledger, engaging in elaborate transactions that seem important, but are actually diversions from the true digital ledger.

REVEAL 9: Harsh Mehta, “The Cobra,” starts doubting the network and considers turning whistleblower, adding an ally in the enemy’s camp.

COVERUP 9: “The Cobra” publicly executes a high-ranking member of the network for betrayal, reinforcing his own loyalty and deflecting any suspicion of his wavering allegiances.

REVEAL 10: The terror attack was part of a much larger plot to destabilize certain economies and shift global financial power.

COVERUP 10: After the terror attack, there’s a calculated effort to blame a defunct organization, closing the case and ceasing all investigations into the true culprits.

REVEAL 11: A character previously thought to be dead is discovered to be alive and manipulating events from behind the scenes.

COVERUP 11: The character presumed dead had their death staged complete with a public funeral, and any inquiries into their demise are met with bureaucratic dead ends.

REVEAL 12: The team uncovers a secondary secret organization that has been using the Hawala Network to fund a shadow war.

COVERUP 12: The shadow organization behind the network funds public welfare projects, earning goodwill and a reputation that seemingly contradicts any nefarious activities.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Show Empathy/Distress

“What I learned doing this assignment is… looking for the big picture distress situations as opposed to detailed specific situations that last only a few episodes.”

My Example Show: Mr. Robot

Empathy/Distress:

Distress:

• A. Undeserved Misfortune: Elliot lost his father due to negligence by the Evil Corp; Death of Shayla; Angela’s testimony will shut Allsafe and destroy her mentor Gideon

• B. External Character Conflicts: with his new acting CTO Tyrell; with Mr Robot for his secretive ways; the case against Evil Corp is unwinnable; Tyrell pitted against Scott for CTO position; Dark Army pulls the plug and disrupts Fscoiety plans

• C. Plot Intruding on Life: Loses his girlfriend Shayla even though he breaks out the dealer he sent to jail; Mr Robot forces him to betray his duty; withdrawals before his biggest hack

• D. Moral Dilemmas: To break out the dealer who raped his girlfriend and he sent to jail; to hack his own company; to work with activists; to frame the CTO and send him to jail; to lie to his childhood friend.

• E. Forced Decisions: To break out of jail the dealer to save his girlfriend; to hack Evil Corp; Tyrell chokes Scott’s wife to death.

Empathy:

• A. Distress: Going cold turkey to quit morphine addiction; girlfriend kidnapped; blames himself for Shayla’s death; illegal hacker going after a powerful conglomerate; needs therapy to stop crying all the time.

• B. Relatable: lonely and shy geek; hates the corporation he works to protect.

• C. Universal Experiences: loss of a parent; unrequited love; need to protect people around him.

My Show: Ghost Ledger

Format / Genre: Heist Thriller (One Hour Serial)

Concept: A suspended RAW agent assembles a crew of expert international thieves to penetrate an enigmatic hawala network operation outside India to retrieve a coveted ledger that can upend governments and bring the financial world to its knees.

Conflict: Will the thieves pull off their heist or get killed trying?

EMPATHY / DISTRESS

Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

Distress:

• A. Undeserved Misfortune: Arjun is publicly framed for a crime committed by “The Cobra”, tarnishing his reputation and a forced suspension.

• B. External Character Conflicts: His trusted lieutenant questions his decisions, creating a rift within the team.

• C. Plot Intruding on Life: During a crucial moment in the heist, Arjun learns that another family member is in danger, forcing him to choose between his mission and family.

• D. Moral Dilemmas: He discovers that bringing down the Hawala Network may lead to economic collapse in impoverished areas.

• E. Forced Decisions: Arjun must decide whether to spare an enemy who has crucial information about his sister’s death.

Empathy:

• A. Distress: His relentless pursuit of “The Cobra” leads to isolation from his team.

• B. Relatable: Show his daily struggles, like dealing with bureaucracy or mundane life issues, which humanize him.

• C. Universal Experiences: Portray his grief over his sister’s loss in a way that connects with anyone who has experienced deep loss.

Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

Distress:

• A. Undeserved Misfortune: Meera’s only family, a younger sibling, is targeted by her former organization.

• B. External Character Conflicts: An old rival hacker joins the team, questioning her methods and loyalty.

• C. Plot Intruding on Life: A romantic interest is put at risk because of her past, despite her efforts to keep her personal life separate from the job.

• D. Moral Dilemmas: She finds a vulnerability in the network that could destroy it but at the cost of innocent lives.

• E. Forced Decisions: Pressured to use her skills to cause harm in order to protect her identity from being exposed.

Empathy:

• A. Distress: Her attempts to disconnect from her past lead to loneliness and vulnerability.

• B. Relatable: Depict her struggle with trust issues that stem from a universal fear of betrayal.

• C. Universal Experiences: Her quest for a second chance resonates with the theme of personal redemption.

Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

Distress:

• A. Undeserved Misfortune: Sofia is wrongly accused of being the mole by her team, threatening her true mission to save her sister.

• B. External Character Conflicts: She faces discrimination and doubt within the team due to her background and skills.

• C. Plot Intruding on Life: Her cover identity falls in love with someone who’s connected to the Hawala Network.

• D. Moral Dilemmas: She has to betray the team to get closer to finding her sister but risks them getting killed.

• E. Forced Decisions: Sofia must decide whether to let a team member be captured to maintain her cover.

Empathy:

• A. Distress: The emotional toll of her double life creates a deep sense of isolation.

• B. Relatable: Show her struggles with identity and belonging, which are universal desires.

• C. Universal Experiences: Her love for her sister and the lengths she would go to protect her are sentiments anyone can understand.

Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

Distress:

• A. Undeserved Misfortune: Mandeep’s past as a thief is leaked to the press, affecting his family’s life.

• B. External Character Conflicts: His superiors in the intelligence service distrust him, making his mission harder.

• C. Plot Intruding on Life: His actions during the mission inadvertently lead to a friend’s death.

• D. Moral Dilemmas: He uncovers corruption within the RAW that, if exposed, could destroy the agency.

• E. Forced Decisions: To protect his cover, he must act against his own morals and commit a crime.

Empathy:

• A. Distress: His divided loyalties between his duty and his heart create a sympathetic conflict.

• B. Relatable: Mandeep’s fear of failure and letting down those who depend on him is a widely shared human experience.

• C. Universal Experiences: The emotional turmoil of falling in love with someone he may have to betray connects deeply with the fear of heartbreak.

Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

Distress:

• A. Undeserved Misfortune: Lina is blindsided when her financial predictions lead to an innocent party’s ruin, for which she is held responsible.

• B. External Character Conflicts: Her analytical methods are questioned by a new team member, causing tension and doubt.

• C. Plot Intruding on Life: The network retaliates against her by targeting her family’s business back in Macau.

• D. Moral Dilemmas: She learns the network funds humanitarian aid with dirty money, putting her in a moral quandary.

• E. Forced Decisions: To stop a market crash, Lina must manipulate financial data, which goes against her ethical code.

Empathy:

• A. Distress: Her haunted look when reviewing the network’s finances evokes pity for her guilt-ridden existence.

• B. Relatable: Show her struggling with everyday job stress and the desire to make a positive impact in her field.

• C. Universal Experiences: Her need for forgiveness and self-acceptance is something many can relate to on a personal level.

Raghav Patel (AKA Hyena)

Distress:

• A. Undeserved Misfortune: Raghav is betrayed by a close ally, putting him in a vulnerable position he never expected.

• B. External Character Conflicts: Faces a coup within the network by ambitious underlings looking to take his place.

• C. Plot Intruding on Life: The death of a family member forces him to re-evaluate his life choices and the legacy he will leave behind.

• D. Moral Dilemmas: He is presented with the opportunity to end a rival faction but at the cost of many innocent lives.

• E. Forced Decisions: Raghav must choose between protecting the ledger and saving a loved one who’s been kidnapped.

Empathy:

• A. Distress: His increasing paranoia makes him a tragic figure, consumed by the empire he’s built.

• B. Relatable: Depict his desire for genuine human connection, which is constantly undermined by his role.

• C. Universal Experiences: His fear of losing power and legacy taps into the fundamental human fear of irrelevance and mortality.

Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

Distress:

• A. Undeserved Misfortune: A close relative of Harsh becomes collateral damage in an operation he orchestrated.

• B. External Character Conflicts: Harsh is challenged by a new enforcer who questions his methods and loyalty to the network.

• C. Plot Intruding on Life: He discovers that his actions have led to the suffering of someone he unknowingly cares about.

• D. Moral Dilemmas: Faced with a crisis of conscience, he has to decide whether to continue supporting the network or to seek redemption.

• E. Forced Decisions: Harsh must carry out a direct order that goes against his newfound moral compass.

Empathy:

• A. Distress: The psychological burden of his past acts starts to unravel him, showing his vulnerability.

• B. Relatable: Despite being an antagonist, illustrate moments of kindness or mercy that humanize him.

• C. Universal Experiences: His internal struggle for redemption and the recognition of his own humanity resonates with the theme of transformation.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Character Emotions

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to create strong internal struggles that can show up in the main characters when triggered either externally or internally that explains their behaviours.”

ASSIGNMENT 5A: Example Show

Example Show: Mr Robot

ELLIOT PROFILE

• A. Situational: Hope: to bring down Evil Corp / Fear: Being arrested/killed

• B. Motivation: Want: to believe in fscoiety / Need: to protect people close to him.

• C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Victim / Public Mask: Vigilante hacker

• D. Weaknesses: Obsessive; questioning his ability.

• E. Triggers: being lied to

• F. Coping Mechanism: Alter their state – addicted to morphine and sex.

MR ROBOT PROFILE

• A. Situational: Hope: saving the world / Fear: being exposed/betrayed

• B. Motivation: Want: to bankrupt the conglomerate / Need: to restore social order.

• C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Victim / Public Mask: homeless person

• D. Weaknesses: Cannot trust anyone.

• E. Triggers: violation of trust

• F. Coping Mechanism: Manipulate – guilt, blackmail, threats, humiliation.

TYRELL PROFILE

• A. Situational: Hope: to reach the top / Fear: being undervalued / or passed up for promotion.

• B. Motivation: Want: money and power / Need: control.

• C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Worthless / Public Mask: Important person

• D. Weaknesses: powerless, need to control.

• E. Triggers: questioning his ability.

• F. Coping Mechanism: alter their state – sex with male prostitutes.

ASSIGNMENT 5B:

TITLE: GHOST LEDGER

GENRE: Heist-Thriller

JOURNEY OF THE SHOW: Arjun, a suspended RAW agent, recruits a highly skilled crew of expert international thieves to penetrate an enigmatic hawala network operation outside India to retrieve a coveted ledger that can upend governments and bring the financial world to its knees.

CHARACTERS THAT SELL THIS SHOW: Arjun Nair and his team of thieves will face off against Raghav and his enforcer “The Cobra.”

CHARACTER PROFILES: DEPTH OF EMOTIONS

1. Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

A. Situational: Hope – To avenge his sister’s death. Fear – Losing himself and compromising his ethics in the process.

B. Motivation: Want – To dismantle the Hawala Network. Need – Closure and justice for his sister’s death.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – Rage. Public Mask – Calculated strategist.

D. Weaknesses: Obsession with his vendetta, sometimes blinding him to broader implications.

E. Triggers: Mentions of his sister, encounters with The Cobra, betrayals.

F. Coping Mechanism: Going solo without consulting his team.

2. Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

A. Situational: Hope – To break free from her past and help the team succeed. Fear – Getting caught and the team discovering her ties to the cybercriminals.

B. Motivation: Want – Safety and a fresh start. Need – Redemption and to make things right.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – Guilt. Public Mask – Tech-savvy and composed hacker.

D. Weaknesses: Struggles with trust and forming deep connections due to her past.

E. Triggers: Mentions of her previous organization, cyber-attacks, breach in security.

F. Coping Mechanism: Diving deep into her hacking, distancing herself from emotional attachments. Altering her state – with drugs and sex.

3. Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

A. Situational: Hope – Finding her missing sister. Fear – Losing herself or her identity while constantly changing disguises.

B. Motivation: Want – Answers about her sister’s whereabouts. Need – Acceptance and love.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – Loneliness. Public Mask – Adaptable and versatile.

D. Weaknesses: Her emotional connection to her sister might compromise missions. Being manipulated in love.

E. Triggers: Hints about her sister, unsuccessful infiltrations, endangering her team. Betrayal.

F. Coping Mechanism: Constantly changing identities, keeping emotional distance.

4. Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

A. Situational: Hope – Successfully fulfilling his secret mission. Fear – Being discovered or betraying his team unintentionally.

B. Motivation: Want – Recognition in the Indian Intelligence Service. Need – True camaraderie and trust.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – Doubt. Public Mask – Confident field operative.

D. Weaknesses: Torn loyalties, leading to hesitation in crucial moments.

E. Triggers: Secret exchanges, information about the mole, confrontations about loyalty.

F. Coping Mechanism: Isolation, frequent solo reconnaissance missions.

5. Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

A. Situational: Hope – To atone for her past mistakes. Fear – The team discovering her unintentional involvement with the Hawala Network.

B. Motivation: Want – To disrupt the network’s financial operations. Need – Forgiveness and peace with herself.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – Shame. Public Mask – Analytical and calm.

D. Weaknesses: Struggling with past guilt, which might hinder objective decision-making.

E. Triggers: Mentions of her past involvement, financial discrepancies, threats to her credibility.

F. Coping Mechanism: Predicting the future using her financial analytical skills.

6. Raghav Patel (AKA Hyena)

A. Situational: Hope – To protect the Hawala Network and its secrets. Fear – Exposure and the collapse of his empire.

B. Motivation: Want – Power and control over global finances. Need – Respect and validation.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – Paranoia. Public Mask – Confident and charismatic leader.

D. Weaknesses: Overprotectiveness of the ledger, causing potential blind spots.

E. Triggers: Threats to the network, breaches in security, betrayals.

F. Coping Mechanism: Exerting control, ensuring loyalty through rewards or threats. Altering his state – with drugs and sex.

7. Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

A. Situational: Hope – Keeping his dark secret hidden. Fear – Confrontation with Arjun and the potential unraveling of his life.

B. Motivation: Want – Power within the Hawala Network. Need – Redemption and atonement for past sins.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – Regret. Public Mask – Ruthless enforcer.

D. Weaknesses: Haunted by the past, causing moments of hesitation or vulnerability.

E. Triggers: Mentions of the terrorist attack, encounters with Arjun, challenges to his position.

F. Coping Mechanism: Displaying force and authority, isolating himself from emotions.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Intriguing Character Layers

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to create intriguing layers for the lead characters that make them interesting and talked about while also working for the concept of the show”

ASSIGNMENT 4A:

Example Show: Mr Robot

• Character Name: Elliot

• Role: Vigilante hacker / Cybersecurity Tech

• Hidden agendas: To bring down Evil Corp

• Competition: Tyrell / Mr Robot

• Conspiracies: with Mr Robot

• Secrets: His father died due to neglect by Evil Corp

• Deception: His boss about the bug that framed the CTO, with Angela on her boyfriend, her therapist Krista

• Wound: He grew up with single parent not knowing the truth about his father’s death

• Secret Identity: Vigilante hacker (member of Fscoiety)

ASSIGNMENT 4B:

TITLE: GHOST LEDGER

GENRE: Heist-Thriller

JOURNEY OF THE SHOW: Arjun, a suspended RAW agent, recruits a highly-skilled crew of expert international thieves to penetrate an enigmatic hawala network operation outside India to retrieve a coveted ledger that can upend governments and bring the financial world to its knees.

CHARACTERS THAT SELL THIS SHOW: Arjun Nair and his team of thieves will face off against Raghav and his enforcer “The Cobra.”

INTRIGUING LAYERS:

Character Name: Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

Role: Former RAW agent turned mastermind behind the operation.

A. Hidden agendas: To personally confront and capture “The Cobra” for the death of his sister.

B. Competition: Has rival agents and former colleagues who question his methods and doubt his loyalty.

C. Conspiracies: Suspected by some within RAW of being a double agent.

D. Secrets: Maintains undisclosed methods of communication with old contacts inside the espionage world.

E. Deception: Feigns alliances with old rivals to gain intelligence on The Cobra.

F. Wound: The loss of his sister in the terrorist attack.

G. Secret Identity: Previously operated under different aliases during covert ops, some of which were not sanctioned by RAW.

Character Name: Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

Role: Gifted hacker and expert in navigating the Ghost nodes.

A. Hidden agendas: To erase her digital footprint and sever ties with her past.

B. Competition: Former colleagues from the cybercriminal organization who want her expertise back.

C. Conspiracies: Suspected by the team of possibly being a mole due to her past affiliations.

D. Secrets: Has undisclosed backdoor access to various international cyber grids.

E. Deception: Occasionally hacks into team members’ personal databases to ensure her safety.

F. Wound: Betrayed by a close friend from the cybercriminal organization.

G. Secret Identity: Previously worked under various pseudonyms in the dark web.

Character Name: Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

Role: Master of disguise and infiltration.

A. Hidden agendas: To locate and rescue her missing sister from the Hawala Network.

B. Competition: Rival infiltrators in the espionage world.

C. Conspiracies: Has undisclosed ties to other criminal networks which she utilizes for her disguises and resources.

D. Secrets: Knows about secret trade routes and hidden Hawala Network bases.

E. Deception: Often misleads the team about her sources and contacts.

F. Wound: The unexplained disappearance of her sister.

G. Secret Identity: Was a high-profile actress in Eastern Europe before joining the world of espionage.

Character Name: Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

Role: Skilled field operative and renowned thief.

A. Hidden agendas: Mandeep’s primary agenda is to locate and identify the mole within the RAW agency, which is suspected to have ties to Arjun Nair, potentially even being Arjun himself. This adds another layer to his objectives and motivations, as he must maintain his role on the team while discreetly conducting his investigation.

B. Competition: While Mandeep’s skills are unparalleled when it comes to covert heists, there may be others within the team or outside it who rival his abilities. These individuals could either aid or thwart his efforts to identify the mole.

C. Conspiracies: Mandeep’s suspicion of a mole within the RAW team creates a web of potential conspiracies. Who else might be involved? Could there be multiple moles or is the whole mole situation a setup for something bigger?

D. Secrets: Beyond his primary mission to identify the mole, Mandeep has another secret: he’s received anonymous tips pointing toward Arjun as the potential mole. This intel, though unconfirmed, adds tension to their dynamic.

E. Deception: Mandeep needs to keep his investigation a secret from Arjun and the team. He may employ various deceptive techniques, like creating diversions or using advanced surveillance tools, to gather information without drawing suspicion.

F. Wound: Was betrayed by a fellow operative during a mission.

G. Secret Identity: While on the team, Mandeep might use a series of aliases and disguises, not just to maintain cover during operations but also to discreetly investigate the mole’s identity without revealing his true intentions. Once served as a bodyguard for a Middle Eastern prince.

Character Name: Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

Role: Financial analyst of the team.

A. Hidden agendas: To uncover and expose financial schemes similar to the one she was involved in.

B. Competition: Rival analysts who work for other international crime syndicates.

C. Conspiracies: Suspected by some of her connections with various offshore accounts.

D. Secrets: Has secret data on the Hawala Network’s main contributors.

E. Deception: Uses decoy financial trails to mislead the Hawala Network.

F. Wound: The guilt of unknowingly aiding the Hawala Network.

G. Secret Identity: Was once a high-stakes poker player in Macau.

Character Name: Raghav Patel (AKA Hyena)

Role: Leader within the Hawala Network.

A. Hidden agendas: To leverage the hidden ledger for more power within global crime syndicates.

B. Competition: Rival leaders within the Hawala Network and other syndicates.

C. Conspiracies: Rumored to be planning a major financial heist on global economies.

D. Secrets: Maintains private prisons for high-value targets.

E. Deception: Uses double agents within RAW and other intelligence agencies.

F. Wound: Betrayed by a close associate in the past, leading to mistrust.

G. Secret Identity: Rumored to be related to a prominent politician.

Character Name: Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

Role: Raghav Patel’s enforcer within the Hawala Network.

A. Hidden agendas: To rise to the top echelon of the Hawala Network.

B. Competition: Other enforcers who challenge his methods and decisions.

C. Conspiracies: Suspected of secretly financing terrorist factions for personal gain.

D. Secrets: Has covert ties with arms suppliers and rogue agents.

E. Deception: Occasionally leaks false information to throw off pursuers.

F. Wound: Haunted by the collateral damage caused by the terrorist attacks he planned.

G. Secret Identity: Previously a top-tier mercenary in Africa.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Engaging Main Characters

“What I learned doing this assignment is…that using AI allows me time to go through the bad options quickly and think through them to get to a better version right away instead of taking days it took me earlier.”

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Example Show: Mr. Robot

Lead Character: Elliot

• A. Role in the show: Vigilante hacker and Cybersecurity tech

• B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: A highly skilled hacker who wants to use his skills to protect people.

• C. Intrigue: Elliot is working secretly with a hacker group to bring down the organization he is hired to protect.

• D. Moral Issue: He frames the CTO of his company at the behest of Mr Robot and faces a dilemma of whether to join the hackers or do his job. He destroys men’s business and lives in minutes if he deems them bad people.

• E. Unpredictable: He changes his mind to swap the files to frame the CTO instead of giving up the hacker group. He goes back to Mr Robot despite his reservations about their actions. Sleeps with his drug dealer, hacks into a therapist to protect her from her date and breaks his own rules on daily morphine ritual.

• F. Empathetic: He is shy, and lonely and wants to protect people close to him and do the right thing. He faces a moral dilemma we can relate to.

ASSIGNMENT 2: ENGAGING MAIN CHARACTERS

TITLE: GHOST LEDGER

GENRE: Heist-Thriller

JOURNEY OF THE SHOW: Arjun, a suspended RAW agent, recruits a highly skilled crew of expert international thieves to penetrate an enigmatic hawala network operation outside India to retrieve a coveted ledger that can upend governments and bring the financial world to its knees.

CHARACTERS THAT SELL THIS SHOW: Arjun Nair and his team of thieves will face off against Raghav Patel and his enforcer “The Cobra.”

1. Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

1. Role in the show: Leader and mastermind behind the operation, strategic planner.

2. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Former RAW agent with espionage and Hawala Network knowledge.

3. Core Trait: Strategic mastermind with espionage knowledge.

4. Connection to Alias: “Raven” suggests intelligence and cunning, mirroring Arjun’s strategic brilliance and knowledge of espionage.

5. Intrigue: Personal vendetta against “The Cobra” for a terrorist attack that killed his sister.

6. Moral Issue: Willing to push ethical boundaries for revenge.

7. Unpredictable: Will go to great lengths to achieve his goal. He pushes the boundaries of what is safe and ethical.

8. Empathetic: We care because he’s seeking justice for his sister’s death.

9. Transformational journey: from a single-minded avenger driven by revenge to a more empathetic and team-oriented leader who successfully dismantles the Hawala Network.

2. Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

1. Role in the show: Tech-savvy hacker and network navigator.

2. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Exceptional hacking skills.

3. Core Trait: Gifted hacker and tech-savvy brains.

4. Connection to Alias: “Ghost” reflects her ability to navigate the digital realm undetected, mirroring her expertise in hacking and covert operations.

5. Intrigue: On the run from a cybercriminal organization, she used to work for when she discovers a dangerous alliance with the Hawala network.

6. Moral Issue: Struggling with her past actions and association with criminals.

7. Unpredictable: Her past puts the team in constant danger. She erased her digital footprint to disappear from the organization’s radar.

8. Empathetic: We root for her because she’s trying to escape a dangerous past.

3. Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

1. Role in the show: Master of disguise and infiltration.

2. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Can become anyone and infiltrate secure locations unnoticed.

3. Core Trait: Master of disguise and infiltration.

4. Connection to Alias: “Chameleon” symbolizes her ability to blend into any environment and become anyone, reflecting her expertise in disguise and infiltration.

5. Intrigue: Searching for her missing sister within the Hawala Network. However, the secret twist is that Sofia is also the mole within the team, passing on crucial information to the Hawala Network in exchange for her sister’s safety.

6. Moral Issue: Besides betraying the team, Sofia finds herself falling in love with one of her team members, a situation explicitly against the team’s code.

7. Unpredictable: Her emotional dilemma as she struggles to balance her personal feelings with her commitment to the mission while being a double agent.

8. Empathetic: her betrayal of the team to find her sister but also grappling with the complexities of forbidden love within a high-stakes operation.

4. Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

1. Role in the show: Highly skilled field operative with a history as a renowned thief.

2. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Intelligence extraction and covert heists.

3. Core Trait: Highly skilled field operative and intelligence extraction.

4. Connection to Alias: “Shadow” represents his expertise in operating in the shadows, extracting intelligence covertly, and his history as a renowned thief.

5. Intrigue: Investigating a suspected mole within the Indian Intelligence Service. Mandeep is on a classified mission to uncover a suspected mole or double agent, suspected ties to Arjun Nair, the team leader.

6. Moral Issue: To gain Sofia’s trust and uncover potential connections to the mole, he engages in a romantic relationship with her, all the while knowing that he might have to break her heart to fulfil his mission. This moral dilemma haunts him as he becomes emotionally attached to Sofia while keeping his true intentions a secret.

7. Unpredictable: His secret relationship with Sofia adds an unpredictable element to the team dynamics, as he grapples with the conflicting demands of duty and his growing feelings for her.

8. Empathetic: We empathize with Mandeep’s inner turmoil as he must choose between loyalty to his team and the heartbreak he may cause Sofia, all in the pursuit of uncovering the mole and dismantling the Hawala Network.

5. Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

1. Role in the show: Financial analyst providing insights.

2. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Understanding the Hawala Network’s money flow.

3. Core Trait: Financial analyst providing crucial insights.

4. Connection to Alias: “Oracle” implies her ability to foresee financial outcomes, mirroring her expertise in understanding the Hawala Network’s money flow and providing strategic insights.

5. Intrigue: Once involved in a financial scheme for the network unknowingly.

6. Moral Issue: Guilt and fear of her past actions being discovered.

7. Unpredictable: Despite her alias as “Oracle, her internal conflict and guilt start affecting her ability to make accurate predictions.

8. Empathetic: We sympathize with her desire to make amends.

6. Raghav Patel (AKA Hyena)

1. Role in the show: Leader of the Hawala Network’s financial operations.

2. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Masterminding clandestine financial activities.

3. Core Trait: Charismatic and ruthless leader within the Hawala Network.

4. Connection to Alias: “Hyena” symbolizes Raghav’s ruthless and cunning nature. Much like a hyena in the animal kingdom, he’s known for his opportunistic and cutthroat approach to leadership within the Hawala Network. The alias “Hyena” reflects his ability to exploit any advantage and his willingness to do whatever it takes to ensure the network’s survival, even if it means preying on others.

5. Intrigue: Guards a hidden ledger that could dismantle the network.

6. Moral Issue: Self-preservation versus loyalty to the Ledger.

7. Unpredictable: High-stakes confrontations with Arjun’s team.

8. Empathetic: We are intrigued by his power and the secrets he holds.

7. Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

1. Role in the show: Trusted enforcer within the Hawala Network.

2. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Ensuring compliance and eliminating threats.

3. Core Trait: Trusted enforcer within the Hawala Network.

4. Connection to Alias: “The Cobra” symbolizes his dangerous and ruthless nature, reflecting his role as an enforcer and the dark secret he carries from his past.

5. Intrigue: Involvement in a terrorist attack that led to Arjun’s sister’s death.

6. Moral Issue: Carries a dark secret that ties him to Arjun. Committing heinous acts and perpetuating harm to innocent people to protect the organization.

7. Unpredictable: His secret adds a volatile element to the story.

8. Empathetic: We are torn between his loyalty and his dark past.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Three Circles of Characters

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to use AI as a writing tool to brainstorm ideas for characters based on the concept and to ask it follow-up questions to get answers that are right for your characters and the concept. I had to ask it to add more characters that seemed obvious to me. But it is quite exciting to have a sounding board to work with even if it’s throwing out garbage sometimes.”

ASSIGNMENT 2A: Mr. Robot’s Three Circles of Characters

• A. Main Characters Circle:

Elliot: A vigilante hacker is caught between helping Mr Robot’s hacker group bring down Evil Corp or doing his job and protecting it.

Mr Robot (fsociety leader): He is always one step ahead of Elliot and knows he can use him to bring down the Evil Corp.

Tyrell (Evil Corp interim CTO): He offers Elliot a seat at the table, but Elliot refuses his offer.

• B. Connected Circle: Angela (childhood friend), Krista (Therapist), Gideon (boss at AllSafe), Ron (Child porn guy he hacks), X (Tyrell’s man), Shayla(Drug dealer), Michael (Krista’s date), Ollie (Angela’s boyfriend), Fernando(Shayla’s Distributor), Llyod (co-worker AllSafe), Darlene (Hacker at fsociety), fsociety hackers

• C. Environment Circle: AllSafe employees, Evil Corp staff &lawyers, Subway commuters, pedestrians on streets, Police, Security guards, Restaurant guests, Elliot’s mother, Elliot as a child, Server farm engineers, FBI agents, Air hostess, crowds at Times Square, etc.

ASSIGNMENT 2B: Sunil Pappu’s Three Circles of Characters

Title: GHOST LEDGER

Genre: THRILLER (One Hour Serial)

Concept: A suspended RAW agent with the Indian Intelligence Service assembles a crew of expert international thieves to penetrate an enigmatic hawala network operation outside India, unveiling a web of international intrigue and betrayal.

World: Hawala Network

Sub-Worlds: Espionage, Black market, Ghost nodes, the art of disguise, time-sensitive transactions

Comps: Money Heist meets Mr. Robot

Circle of Characters:

A. Main Characters:

1. Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

• Unique Role: Former RAW agent turned mastermind behind the operation. He’s a brilliant strategist with knowledge of espionage and the Hawala Network.

• Secret or Intrigue: Arjun has a deep personal vendetta against “The Cobra,” a high-ranking member of the Hawala Network. The Cobra was responsible for a terrorist attack that killed Arjun’s sister. Arjun’s relentless pursuit of The Cobra drives him to lead the team and dismantle the network, even if it means pushing ethical boundaries. This vendetta adds a layer of personal stakes and moral dilemmas to the mission.

2. Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

• Unique Role: A gifted hacker and expert in navigating the Ghost nodes of the Hawala Network. She’s the tech-savvy brains behind the operation.

• Secret or Intrigue: Meera is on the run from a powerful cybercriminal organization she used to work for. They want her back because her exceptional hacking skills are vital to their operations. This organization also has a secret alliance with the Hawala Network, sharing expertise and information. Meera’s insider knowledge of both groups becomes a critical asset to the team as they attempt to exploit the alliance’s vulnerabilities and dismantle the network. Her past association with the cybercriminal organization makes her a high-value target, adding constant tension and danger to the mission.

3. Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

• Unique Role: Master of disguise and infiltration. Sofia can become anyone and slip into the most secure locations without being detected.

• Secret or Intrigue: Sofia is in the Hawala Network for personal reasons. She’s searching for her missing sister, who was involved with the network and disappeared mysteriously.

4. Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

• Unique Role: A highly skilled field operative with a history as a renowned thief. He excels in intelligence extraction and covert heists.

• Secret or Intrigue: Mandeep is on a classified mission within the Indian Intelligence Service to uncover a suspected mole or double agent, suspected ties to Arjun Nair, the team leader. This mission creates tension and uncertainty as he balances loyalty to the team with the need to uncover the truth within the agency and dismantle the Hawala Network.

5. Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

• Unique Role: A brilliant financial analyst and a key member of the team. She provides crucial insights into the Hawala Network’s money flow and helps devise strategies to disrupt their financial operations.

• Secret or Intrigue: Lina holds a secret that weighs heavily on her conscience. She was once involved in a financial scheme orchestrated by the Hawala Network, unknowingly aiding them in their illicit activities. Her expertise was exploited to launder money for the network’s operations, and she only realized the truth when it was too late. The guilt from her unwitting involvement drives her determination to bring down the network and make amends for her past actions. However, her fear of the team discovering her role in the network’s financial activities adds a layer of tension and internal conflict to her character.

6. Raghav Patel

• Unique Role: Raghav Patel is a charismatic and ruthless leader within the Hawala Network, masterminding its clandestine financial operations and ensuring its survival.

• Secret or Intrigue: Raghav holds a hidden ledger that contains incriminating evidence of every transaction and alliance the Hawala Network has ever made. This ledger, if revealed, could dismantle the network and expose powerful individuals and organizations worldwide. Raghav guards this ledger with his life, setting the stage for high-stakes confrontations with the team led by Arjun Nair.

7. Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

• Unique Role: Harsh Mehta serves as Raghav Patel’s trusted enforcer within the Hawala Network, ensuring compliance, enforcing loyalty, and eliminating threats to the organization.

• Secret or Intrigue: Harsh carries a dark and deeply buried secret from his past. Years ago, he was directly involved in the planning and execution of a terrorist attack that tragically claimed the life of Arjun Nair’s sister. Raghav Patel intervened to protect Harsh from the consequences, forging a bond of loyalty. This dangerous connection between Harsh’s secret and Arjun’s personal vendetta adds a volatile and potentially explosive element to the story.

B. Connected Characters:

1. Yusuf Al-Mansoori

• Role: A powerful black market dealer with ties to the Hawala Network. He can provide the team with valuable information and resources but demands a high price.

2. Lina Volkova

• Role: A former Russian spy who has valuable intel on the network. She’s reluctant to share her information and must be persuaded to cooperate.

3. Ravi Desai

• Role: A dedicated and loyal officer within the Indian Intelligence Service who supports Arjun’s mission. He’s a valuable source of inside information.

4. Name: Sandeep Joshi

• Role: Sandeep Joshi serves as a key node in the Hawala Network, overseeing the network’s financial transactions, connecting clients with the organization, and ensuring the smooth flow of illicit funds. However, his ultimate loyalty lies with his boss, “The Cobra”, the trusted enforcer of the Hawala Network.

C. Environment Characters (by their jobs):

1. Hawala Network Middlemen

2. Forger and Document Suppliers

3. Money Launderers

4. Smugglers

5. Surveillance Experts

6. Interpol Agents

7. Arms Dealers

8. Tech-Savvy Informants

9. Mysterious Benefactors

10. Corrupt Politicians (connected to the network)

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Mr. Robot 5-Star Model

“What I learned doing this assignment is…that my example show, Mr. Robot, was brilliantly written by Sam Esmail. It created an intriguing world, with an equally intriguing character that we instantly feel empathy/distress for. It has us guessing with the layers and open loops, inviting us to obsess about the show and watch the rest of the season.”

Series Title: Mr. Robot

Created By: Sam Esmail

Pilot Dur: 64 mins

5 Star Points for the show “Mr. Robot” are:

Big Picture Hooks

Ask this: What is the big hook of this show?

A disillusioned vigilante hacker is persuaded by a hacker group to bring down the giant conglomerate he works for as a cybersecurity tech to save the world.

Amazing and Intriguing Character

Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?

Elliot is a lonely hacker with a moral code who can destroy a man’s life and business in less than 3 minutes.

Empathy / Distress

Ask this: What situations causes us to feel both empathy and distress for these characters?

He is lonely, shy and helplessly in love with his childhood friend who is blissfully unaware of him. He endures her cheating boyfriend for her sake. He protects his therapist who is unable to help him and threatens her date to break up with her. He rescues a puppy from the man. He is in a lot of pain from an abused childhood and takes morphine to get through the day. He is disillusioned and sometimes can’t tell the real world from his imagination. He thinks he’s being stalked by men in black. The Hobo who follows him around is not his imagination but a real person who needs him to hack his own client.

Layers / Open Loops

Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?

Who are the men in black?

What is the secret group of the top 1% of the top 1% who play god without permission?

Who is Mr Robot and what is his end game?

Who are the others in the hacker group? What do they want?

What happens when Evil Corp finds out Elliot framed their CTO?

What will Mr Robot and his shadowy group want from him next?

Will he tell Angela about Ollie?

Will he ever get the girl – Angela?

Will Krista, his therapist, find out what he did to protect her from her date?

Inviting Obsession

Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?

What will Elliot do next? Can he trust Mr Robot? How will Evil Corp retaliate for the takedown? Will Elliot finally get out of his head and find some real friends he can trust? Does he get the girl of his dreams? Will he be hunted down or will he protect the world from Evil Corp?

[Sunil Pappu]

I, Sunil Pappu, agree to the terms of the release form below:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Sunil Pappu]

Hello everyone,

I’m Sunil from India and I specialize in thrillers with strong female leads. I’ve written 7 Spec scripts including two TV pilots with series Bibles. I’ve always wanted to write more TV shows and I hope to do so faster by the end of this course. I’m also an engineer by qualification and before becoming a full-time screenwriter I worked in television and produced over a hundred documentaries for National Geographic. I was in the MSC15 & BWTV7.

Looking forward to working together with you!

Cheers

Sunil

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Outline Version 1

Title: Signals

Logline: A family with no digital footprint stranded in a mega mall in town, must remain blindfolded to survive, where deaf light-sensitive mysterious species scan eyes and mimic their memories to lure and kill.

Horror Outline – VERSION 1

ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR

1. INT. ABANDONED SHOPPING MALL – DAY

Shops inside the mega mall are destroyed and lie derelict and desolate. Teenage twin boys play blindfolded with their younger sister, DAISY DONNER in a dilapidated play area. JASON DONNER the athletic twin thinks it’s a stupid game to play and swings his baseball bat around. Daisy stumbles into a… TV showroom

HORROR SITUATION: Trapped inside a shopping mall

APPREHENSION: Teen boys and a young girl are playing blindfolded in an abandoned shopping mall. The walking stick sensor beeps…

RELEASE: It’s just a rock…

SURPRISE: Why are they playing inside such a derelict place with their eyes closed? A sudden chill descends. A faint metallic rapid clicking sound… they stop to hear.

SHOCK: Daisy stumbles on a dead corpse with gouged-out eyes! Something did this!

2. INT. TV SHOWROOM – DAY

The showroom floor is messy with broken electronics strewn around but some TVs are still intact. One of the TVs comes on in the back and something scratches and destroys it leaving huge slits in the glass.

An enormous eye of the DETECTOR glides past them undetected.

MIKE DONNER, the blind twin, senses the detector and drags his younger sister out to safety. The other twin, Jason, lingers at the smartphone counter and accidentally turns on the power to the whole store lighting up the screens. They use the stanchion or retractable queue tape to get out of the store… along a path…

A violent storm and a chill descend inside the showroom and all the blue lights pop like firecrackers to the sounds of incessant clicking.

HORROR SITUATION: Lost – Young girl playing a game with her older brothers gets lost and accidentally stumbles into something…

APPREHENSION: young girl playing blindfolded on a messy floor of an abandoned electronics store

SURPRISE: One of the TVs comes on in the back

SHOCK: a clicking and sound of metal blades slicing glass

MONSTER REVEAL: the detectors make clicking sounds with their blade-like claws

FEAR: TV bursts and we see scratches and a huge slit in the glass

RELEASE: Mike drags his sister outside the store.

MONSTER REVEAL: The detector has one enormous eye and can glide past undetected.

SUSPENSE: Mike calls out to his brother, but Jason lingers on in the smartphone section

RELEASE: Mike uses the stanchion or retractable queue tape to get out of the store… along a path…

DREAD: Jason accidentally turns on the power that lights up the devices in the store. Mike stops and turns…

ANGUISH: A violent storm and a chill descends in the showroom

MONSTER REVEAL: the detectors reduce the temperature in the room to below freezing

PANIC: All the blue lights pop like firecrackers to the sounds of incessant clicking.

TERROR: Daisy sees through her blindfold and screams

MONSTER REVEAL: the detectors are attracted to the blue light from mobile devices

MONSTER REVEAL: They are otherwise blind to other light – Are they Blind?

3. EXT/INT. TV SHOWROOM – DAY

The father, PHIL DONNER drops a car battery he’s carrying, grabs onto the rope, and traces his steps. All the smartphones and TVs are smashed with huge slits in them like someone ran an enormous blade through all of them. Jason with his baseball bat moves closer trying to see through his blindfold when his father, Phil, pulls him back dropping his son’s blindfold in the tussle.

An enormous eye swivel around but Phil quickly picks up the blindfold and forces his son Jason to shut his eyes and covers them up. The enormous eye lingers and swivels back to the blue screen glow as if sucking out its light.

Phil drags Jason away to safety and scolds him for breaking the family rules. Mike waiting for them, quickly grabs the rope to retrace their way and leads everyone back

HORROR SITUATION: Monster approaching – The Detector finds Jason

APPREHENSION: Phil hears the screams and drops the car battery he’s carrying and grabs the rope to retrace his steps up

SURPRISE: All the smartphones and TVs are smashed with huge slits in them like someone ran an enormous blade through all of them.

SHOCK: Jason with his baseball bat moves closer trying to see through his blindfold when someone pulls him back dropping his blindfold in the tussle – it’s his father Phil.

FEAR: An enormous eye swivel around but Phil quickly picks up the blindfold and forces his son Jason to shut his eyes and covers them up.

SUSPENSE: The enormous eye lingers and swivels back to the blue screen glow as if sucking out its light.

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector is attracted to the human eye and the blue glow of LED screens. You cannot be detected if you cover your eyes.

RELEASE: Phil drags Jason away to safety and scolds him for breaking the family rules. Mike waiting for them, quickly grabs the rope to retrace their way and leads everyone back.

4. INT. DINING/HOME DECOR – EVENING

SARAH DONNER, the mother, rings a cycle bell to summon the family to dinner in the home furnishing store that is now neatly decorated like their home. Everyone in their blindfolds, uses the pathways to get to the table and take their places with practiced ease.

Jason disagrees with his father about the rules – of no moving without blindfolds and no cell phone and argues that his girlfriend could be dead but wants to call her in case she made it. Mike thinks he’s selfish. Daisy cries and Sarah consoles her and breaks up the fight. They eat in silence for the rest of dinner.

5. INT. WORKSTATION – EVENING

Phil is inside a tiny tarped-up tent tinkering with his car battery DC generator.

6. INT. HOME DÉCOR – EVENING

Sarah feeds Daisy narrating her favorite zombie story. Jason hides a smartphone he snatched inside a soap box.

7. EXT. BATHROOM – EVENING

Mike approaches Jason with his walker on his way to the showers. Jason tags along and tells him he could have done the same thing in his place. Jason asks him to keep the soap box hidden in the cubicle and he takes it from him.

8. INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT

Sarah wears eyeshades to take her bath in the tub and drapes the tub with a black tarpaulin sheet to go underwater to open her eyes and clean them.

9. INT. RESTROOM CUBICLE – NIGHT

Jason finds the smartphone hidden in the soap box in the restroom cubicle and turns it on and the blue LED light comes on. He removes his blindfold to make a phone call to check on his girlfriend and feels a cold chill.

An enormous eye pops out inside the cubicle and scans his eyes… Jason’s body drops dead on the floor with eyes gouged out and blood oozing out of them. It seeps into the next cubicle the wetness touching the feet of his blind twin, Mike, making him jump up and onto the commode.

In the next cubicle, he feels his way around but there is no Jason, only blood-soaked clothes cut up by the sharp blade-like claws lying on the floor. Mike sounds the family alarm.

HORROR SITUATION: Doing something forbidden / Face to Face with Monster – Jason makes a phone call to check on his girlfriend and comes face to face with the Detector.

APPREHENSION: Jason finds the smartphone hidden inside the soap box, turns it on and removes his blindfold to make a call

FEAR: A cold chill descends inside the cubicle and the tap freezes over

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector can pop up wherever and scans the human eye

HORROR: Jason’s body drops on the floor with eyes gouged out and blood oozing from the empty sockets.

HYSTERIA: The blood seeps into the next cubicle and touches the feet of the blind twin Mike. He touches the wetness, smells and brings it to his mouth to taste but revolts at the recognition of blood and vomits into the commode. He finds the blood-soaked clothes on the floor cut up by sharp blades and sounds the family alarm.

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector gouges out the eyes and absorbs the bodies leaving only the cut-up clothes.

10. LATER

Phil goes into shock at losing his favourite twin son. Sarah hugs her remaining kids and cries. Daisy numbs out and clings to blind brother Mike.

11. INT. WORKSTATION/BASEMENT PARKING – DAY

Phil confines himself to the parking lot tinkering with car batteries under a black tarp-covered makeshift workstation fixing the generators. He drives Mike away to look out for his sister, making him feel guilty for the loss of his twin brother.

12. INT. HOME – DAY

Sarah remains strong for her kids. She plays with Daisy in her play tent covered in a black tarp.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

13. EXT. ABANDONED SHOPPING MALL – DAY

Cars with rotting corpses pile up outside the mall on the streets. Phil in blindfolds carefully feels his way to unplug a car battery. Mike, hands him the wrench but Phil snaps at him for a plier. They have a strained relationship and Mike feels guilty as the twin who survived.

14. INT. GENERATOR ROOM – DAY

They drag the car batteries to the generator room to power up the heaters.

15. INT. BATHROOM – DAY

Sarah in the bathtub opens her eyes to see inside the water. A detector enters and lurks around, and Sarah can feel its coldness as the room freezes a little whenever they are around. She pulls the black tarp over her and waits…

She can feel the detector’s ragged breath. Detector’s enormous eyes see into the bottom of the tub as the tarp slips away. Sarah holds her breath underwater… The detector gets confused and leaves… Sarah grabs her blindfold and comes out of the water to breathe…

HORROR SITUATION: Monster trying to get to you – Sarah is trapped inside the bathtub as a Detector looks for her eyes underwater…

FEAR: Sarah is in the bathtub, suddenly the water goes cold and she knows that a detector is close by

SUSPENSE: Sarah waits holding her breath to remain underwater…

DREAD: she can hear the ragged breath… she fights to remain underwater when an enormous eye swivels around confused… then drifts away…

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector breathes in a ragged breath and can’t scan the eye underwater due to refraction

16. INT. WORKSTATION – DAY

Phil sits in the tiny, darkened room with a headlamp to find things in the dark. His wall is scribbled with clues about what the detectors are capable of and what their traits are like “Enormous eye” “attracted to LED light” “Smartphones” “Cold chill – Why?” “sword-like claws” “Known Surviors 4. any others???” It’s blank on the weaknesses. But is quite clear, he wants revenge for his son… “REVENGE” is written in bold in the middle.

There is a radio that he checks every 15 minutes to see if there is someone else out there. He suddenly hears a thunder… He grabs his car keys, puts on the blindfold and rings a family alarm system… rushes out into the basement parking. He fumbles with a garage door and opens it to reveal a brand-new truck loaded with arms and car batteries in the trunk. He feels his way to the driver’s side door and gets in…

17. INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

Sarah jumps out of her tub and slips back into her clothes. She finds her way to the playpen and grabs Daisy and their bags… drops a few essentials. She calls out to her son Mike.

Mike is ready with his walker and rucksack with heavy books. She leaves them behind but then turns to pick one up. They hurry down to the basement using the pathway of ropes.

18. INT. TRUCK – DAY

They are packed into the truck. Phil takes a deep breath and turns on the ignition. He still has his blindfold on. The camera is blacked out and the display is covered with black tape too. Mike has the timer to measure their speed and shouts out his estimates.

They turn on their headlamps when they get out of the parking lot just missing the edge of the curved ramp. Sarah and Daisy hold each other tight in the back silently.

Thunder and lightning crackle down on them… a huge bright lighting bolt drops nearby illuminating the skies… clicking of the detector’s claws can be heard in the distance.

Lighting storm intensifies… Mike shouts: Now! Phil pulls off his blindfold and floors it through the storm. He reaches the mobile tower and tries to power it up using the car batteries loaded in the back of his truck. Mike detects a broken cable and runs up to his dad to get his attention, but Phil doesn’t hear him through the hard-hitting rain, still trying to turn the power on.

Sarah turns on the mobile device and waits for the signal… Daisy clings to her mommy shivering in the rain. The storm starts to die down… Phil loads the batteries back into the truck.

Daisy goes missing… Phil goes to look for her. He finds her staring down at the broken cables holding Mike who seems to be crying in the rain…

Phil curses the broken cable tries to rejoin them and notices a broken part on the side ripped by a sharp claw like those of the detectors but doesn’t notice his son cry. He scolds Daisy for running off and summons Mike back inside.

They reload everything. Sarah still trying to get a signal lifts up the phone in the air. Phil sees her and jumps up to grab the phone and flings it far away into the dark forest.

They drive back quickly before the storm subsides. Everyone except Phil put on their blindfolds. Phil reminds Mike that he needs to put them on too but he refuses and looks away. Sarah consoles him and puts it on for him.

A lightning bolt illuminates for an instant a tall mobile tower where a swamp of detectors is charging themselves from the lightning bolt. Phil catches a glimpse…

They drive back just in time before the lighting stops. Phil is frustrated… he’s planned this for a long time. Everyone grabs what they brought… Phil asks Mike to take a battery back to the gen room with him…

HORROR SITUATION: Forces of Nature / Impending Doom – Phil packs everyone into the car to ride to the mobile tower during the lightning storm

FEAR: They pull off their blindfold and drive the car into the storm

SUSPENSE: They get to the mobile tower and discover a broken cable.

DREAD: Daisy goes missing

RELEASE: Phil finds her holding Mike who is crying in the rain

SURPRISE: A broken claw of the Detector lies with the broken cable

FEAR: the storm starts to abate and Phil throws the mobile from Sarah’s hands and they put on their blindfolds except Phil who has to drive.

SHOCK: A lightning bolt illuminates for an instant a tall mobile tower where a swamp of detectors is charging themselves from the lightning bolt.

19. INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

Mike drags the battery and carries the rucksack and walker in the other hand… he is trailing everyone and lost in his thoughts when his blindfold comes off and he doesn’t notice it… keeps walking.

Suddenly, he feels chilly and stops. drops the battery and rubs his hands.

Mike keeps pressing his walker sensor and slowly… clicking sound receded… and the detector vanishes. Mike feels for his blindfold and tears out a bottom strip from his t-shirt to make a new one.

HORROR SITUATION: Face to Face with the monster – Mike falls behind the group and comes face to face with a Detector but escapes unharmed

FEAR: Mike’s blindfold comes off and continues to walk on

SUSPENSE: The chill stops him dead in the tracks. He hears the clicking and points his walker.

SURPRISE: it’s only a lamp flown off due to the storm into their path…

SHOCK: He turns to the front and it’s an enormous eye of the Detector! His watch speaker gives a loud warning – “WARNING: NEAR COLLISION”

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>MONSTER REVEAL: Laser light from the sensor harms the eye of the detector and causes it distress.

20. EXT. HOME DÉCOR – DAY

The storm has destroyed some of their paths knocking things onto the floor. Sarah is brooming with a blindfold while Mike uses his walker to detect objects in the way… it’s a slow painstaking process as they mark a fresh path… to create a safe corridor with ropes. Daisy picks useful items and plays with her finds…

21. INT. WORKSTATION – DAY

Phil is tinkering with new power cables…

22. EXT. PAINT SHOP – DAY

Daisy walks out with paint all over herself… crying. Mike feels and tastes it. He rushes her to the bathroom and washes her up. Sarah rings the bell for lunch and they go back to the dining room.

23. INT. DINING ROOM – DAY

Phil is lost in his own thoughts. Sarah tries to serve the food she cooked in a blacked-out kitchen with a tarp.

Daisy wants to see her food and Sarah decides to feed her in the kitchen leaving Mike alone with Phil. Daisy plays with her pet hamster in a blackened shoe box.

Mike tells Phil that he thinks maybe his walker scared away a detector. Phil nods but doesn’t engage. Mike leaves his food untouched and walks away… wandering outside.

24. INT. PAINT SHOP – DAY

Daisy under a black tarp checks the colours of the paint as Mike opens them. Mike and Daisy drag buckets of black paint and brushes with them.

25. EXT. DARK ROOM – DAY

Mike hands Daisy a brush and they start painting on the glass walls of the storefront with black industrial paint. They painstakingly cover every corner and check. Daisy goes under a tarp to check their progress.

Mike etches brail letters to identify the dark room. They are finally done. Now they need to test if this works.

26. INT. DARK ROOM – DAY

Daisy opens her black shoe box. Inside her pet hamster is blindfolded. Daisy cuddles her pet and reassures her that she is going to sacrifice her life for her family. Mike puts on his blind glasses to see… The hamster goes into a blind spot and comes out! It is alive and well.

HORROR SITUATION: Doing something forbidden – Daisy and Mike test their darkroom with the pet hamster becoming the scapegoat.

APPREHENSION: The pet hamster tries to cuddle back into Daisy’s arms.

FEAR: Mike places the black shoe box in the middle of the darkroom and removes the lid. He hesitates to remove the blindfold on the hamster. Daisy tells him to do it. He yanks it! Daisy pulls on her blanket…

SURPRISE: They wait in silence. Mike puts on his blind glasses to see… The hamster goes inside a hole in the wall and comes out unscathed!

SHOCK: Daisy yanks her blindfold and hugs Mike and the hamster.

MONSTER REVEAL: Darkened room can keep the Detector away.

27. EXT/INT. DARKROOM – DAY

Daisy drags her father and Mike gets his mother. He confirms the etching outside the dark room. Tells them to get inside.

Daisy tells them it is alright. They walk in and close the darkroom doors. Mike cracks neon sticks that light up the darkroom. They open their blindfolds and see each other. Listen for the detectors but none arrive. They all hug each other seeing everyone properly for the first time without a tarp to hide under.

Mike drags Daisy and she boxes her pet up and they put on their blindfold and walk outside to give Sarah and Phil their privacy.

Sarah breaks down and grieves for her son after 100 days. Phil cries for his boy. Sarah gathers herself and tells Phil that he still has another boy and to make up with Mike who is also a tinkerer like him.

Daisy outside tells Mike that she knows he feels guilty for losing Jason but it’s not his fault and she thinks even daddy knows that but he’s just bitter that’s all. He still loves you. Mike is not sure his dad ever did.

Sarah and Phil build a small shrine for their boy Jason. Sarah preserves his baseball bat and balls next to his pinup photos and lights a candle.

28. INT. WORKSTATION – NIGHT

Phil is busy trying to solder the joints but with his blindfold, he repeatedly burns his fingers. But he needs the cables, so he decides to take off his blindfold to see the joint. He reaches for his dark glasses hoping they will suffice. He wears them and tries to solder…. The heating tip suddenly starts to cool down as a chill settles in. Phil closes his eyes and burns his hand on the hot iron. He hears the ragged breath of a detector, and an enormous eye scans his face from a reflection in the glass. He rings the emergency bell under his desk.

HORROR SITUATION: Face to Face with the Monster / Debilitated – Phil’s eyes get scanned by the Detector

APPREHENSION: Phil takes off his blindfold to see the joint for soldering and wears the dark glasses

FEAR: Phil closes his eyes and burns his hand with the soldering iron. The heating tip goes cold!

SUSPENSE: He hears the ragged breath of the Detector

DREAD: An enormous eye scans his face and reflection in the glasses.

29. INT. DARKROOM – NIGHT

Mike shuts the audiobook he is listening to and hears the bell again. He grabs his walker and rushes to his dad’s workstation.

30. EXT/INT. WORKSTATION – NIGHT

Mike can feel the detector’s chill inside. He calls out to his dad. Phil is trapped in a corner. He turns his face… blood streaming down his eyes… He can’t see he is blind. The detector mimics the voice of Phil’s dead son which only he can hear… they are from his memories…

Mike finally hits the detector in his enormous eyes, and it lashes out with its claws trying to swipe at him. Its eyes start to melt, and it glides away. The room is not cold anymore. Mike rushes to his dad as he collapses.

Phil tells him that he loves him, and it was not him he was upset about at all. They make it back.

HORROR SITUATION: Debilitated – Phil goes blind

SCARES: Mike enters the basement parking and feels the chill. Calls out to his dad but no response… dad with his face against the wall in a corner is talking to himself. He laughs… and turns his face… blood streaming down his eye sockets. The enormous eye of the Detector blinks and mimics Jason’s voice which only Phil can hear and responds to…

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector can make you blind if it sees your eyes in a reflected glass.

MONSTER REVEAL: The detector is very intelligent. It can mimic voices of people taken from one’s memories to lure you. Nobody else can hear them except the person whose memories have been taken.

RELEASES: Mike points his walker, uses his infrared sensor to aim at the Detector, and breaks the spell… Phil collapses… Mike rushes to him and holds him. Phil calls out for his dead son… Mike tells him it’s him. Phil recognises Mike‘s voice and hugs him.

CREEPY MOMENTS: Mike turns to wipe his dad’s face and steps on something soft… a pulsing slimy eye! He feels Phil’s eyes – shocked to feel them missing! Phil says he’s blind now like him. Mike reassures him. He picks up the soft eyes and pops them into a plastic bag. Wraps a blindfold on Phil’s eyes and helps carry him home.

ACT 3 – ALL IS LOST

31. INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT

Sarah washes Phil’s eyes in the bathtub and realizes that he’s gone blind. The detectors took his memories, and they used them to lure him. She is glad to have him alive.

32. INT. HOME DÉCOR – DAY

Daisy sits in Phil’s lap and keeps dabbing his eyes flowing with tears.

33. INT. DARKROOM – DAY

Mike puts up a large murder board with everything he discovered and transfers his dad’s notice board entries onto it.

Adds new entry – mimicking the voices from one’s memories. Besides the board is the shrine to Jason.

34. INT. BASEMENT PARKING – DAY

Mike is learning to drive blindfolded with Phil. Daisy sits in the back feeling scared but insists on staying in the car with them.

Mike drives well and almost completes the course set by Phil until he forgets to park and leaves it in drive mode. They get down but the car starts to move, and Phil has to jump in to stop it. Phil pats Mike and Daisy mocks him for leaving it in Drive but she’s impressed with his driving.

35. INT/EXT. DARKROOM – DAY

Daisy plays hide and seek with Mike while Sarah is cooking in her new kitchen when daisy peeks out of her blindfold and attracts two Detectors. Sarah sacrifices herself to save her daughter.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>HORROR SITUATION: Face to Face with the monster/ No Escape / Dilemma / See another killed – Sarah sacrifices herself to save her daughter Daisy.

HORROR EMOTIONS (scene arc): From Anxiety to Hysteria

RELEASE: Daisy plays hide and seek with Mike: Sarah hears their laughter as she cooks in her new kitchen inside the Darkroom. She is relaxed and humming. She shouts to Mike to check on his dad in the basement. Daisy says five more minutes of play.

APPREHENSION: Daisy in her blindfold searches for Mike. She peeks out of her blindfold and realizes she is not in the darkroom anymore… A cold chill runs through her body. She hears the clicking sounds of the detectors and screams… Sarah feels the kitchen go cold and the stove light goes dim.

SURPRISE: Mike runs out with his walking stick and starts to point the infrared sensor at the detector to drive it away… but there is more than one of them.

SHOCK: He stumbles towards Daisy and drops his walker. He frantically looks for it and accidentally kicks it off the ledge trying to retrieve it. He bumps into a fallen chandelier and hides behind it.

FEAR: Daisy is terrified and alone and hearing Mike’s voice jumps towards him and gets to safety. The reflected light from the chandelier confuses one of the detectors and it swipes its claws to destroy it getting closer to them.

SUSPENSE: The other detector comes around from behind and finds Daisy and is about to scan her eyes.

DREAD: Sarah charges towards the detector and shines an LED torch and swings Jason’s baseball bat to attract the detector toward her. She karate chops one detector and lands a kick into her eye.

ANGUISH: Sarah hears Daisy scream and removes her blindfold telling her daughter to keep her eyes shut. She throws her blindfold towards her.

PANIC: The other detector tries to claw Sarah and cuts her hand. She swings the baseball bat with her injured hand. Mike finds a ball near his feet and throws it to her to hit. The detector slices off Sarah’s hand. Her hand holding the baseball drops onto the floor but the ball flies and hit the enormous eye.

RELEASE: The detector is disoriented and shut off her inner transparent eyelid.

SURPRISE: Sarah uses her other hand to unsling her shotgun and presses the trigger to aim at the eye with one hand, but the eyelid is bulletproof.

RELEASE: Sarah grabs a steel rod and jams it into the protruding belly after Mike’s sensor weakens it.

TERROR: Fiberoptic-like cables burst forth from the protruding belly and grab Sarah. The enormous eye scans her eyes and pulls Sarah into her belly.

HYSTERIA: Sarah hears her son’s voice mimicked by the Detector and speaks to her imaginary son and gets sucked in. Daisy watches in shock and screams. Mike quietens her.

ACT 4 – FULL OUT HORROR

36. EXT. CORRIDOR – DAY

Daisy through her blindfold sees the slashed clothes of her mother and goes into shock. Mike grabs her and as his watch detects his walker and beeps incessantly, he jumps and lands on a showroom car on the display floor below and rolls to break his fall and protect Daisy in his arms. Mike picks up his stick and realizes he’s next to the car. He throws Daisy into the car and slides in. He looks for the keys already in the ignition and races down the ramp to his dad in the basement parking while Daisy uses his walking stick to detect any objects in the way. Mike crashes through without stopping, bangs into a pillar in the basement, and comes to a halt.

37. EXT. WORKSTATION – DAY

Phil rushes out with two shotguns and is still getting used to being completely blind and walks too fast and trips into things…

Mike catches his dad from getting hurt. Phil hands over one of the shotguns. Daisy grabs onto Dad and tells him Mom is dead. Phil lets out a wail and fires off a few rounds… Mike takes his shotgun and opens the garage door to his dad’s truck.

38. INT. TRUCK – DAY

Mike gets into his driver’s seat. Phil and Daisy take the back seat. Mike drives out of the garage and goes up the ramp again to get to the darkroom. He almost crashes into it.

39. INT. DARKROOM – DAY

They rush inside the dark room and take off their blindfolds. Daisy checks her black shoe box for her pet hamster. There is a small crack in the glass and light comes through. The hamster runs from Daisy’s hands towards the light. A detector zaps it!

Daisy feels the chill and they are all terrified. She quickly puts on her blindfold. They fight the detector. More detectors arrive with their tentacles visible through the shattered glass front. They are now fully exposed to light. But unafraid… Thunder sounds!

HORROR SITUATION: Trapped/ Impending doom / Mental and physical torture – The Detector traps them inside the Darkroom and unleashes its full horror

ANGUISH: Daisy still in shock from seeing her mother die is relieved that her pet hamster is alive only to realize in horror that the darkroom has a crack and sees her pet hamster scramble towards the light beam and gets zapped by a blade splattering blood all over the floor.

PANIC: Daisy screams in panic as she is the only one who can see and quickly tries to shut her eyes. Her blind father and brother guard her and the enormous eye is inside the darkroom.

HORROR: Phil loads his shotgun and empties it out on the Detector, but his bullets don’t hit the target and its claws cut him up with their sharp blades. Meanwhile, it’s enough to distract the Detector until Mike can get to his enormous magnifying glass to focus his laser beam. He hits the inner eyelid before it closes and shatters it. The detector shoots out tentacles and grabs Daisy. Phil empties his gun but the tentacles grab him too.

HYSTERIA: Phil screams into it and jabs his bayonet into the enormous eye repeatedly until the eye bursts and the laser beam amputates the Detector’s tentacles and it releases Daisy. Daisy runs to help Mike and this time when it returns to life once more and while the laser beam hits Bullseye and electrocutes the Detector, Phil blows it to bits with a grenade.

40. INT. TRUCK – DAY

Lighting strikes and Mike drives through it on the highway. Daisy sees a glow of light in the middle of the fields up ahead. Detectors spawn at the server farm on the outskirts of town feeding on enormous data!

HORROR SITUATION: Transformed into something else (possessed) – Detectors spawn at the server farms.

SHOCK: There are many more that need to be fought and killed!

RELEASE: But for now, the lightning helps the survivors get help and regroup!

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Horror Outline Version 1

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to use the scary-as-hell model to create horror emotions for each horror situation in my story and outline the horror scenes in detail.”

OUTLINE VERSION 1

“TITLE: SIGNALS”

ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR

INT. ABANDONED SHOPPING MALL – DAY

Shops inside the mega mall are destroyed and lie derelict and desolate. Teenage twin boys play blindfolded with their younger sister, DAISY DONNER in a dilapidated play area. JASON DONNER the athletic twin thinks it’s a stupid game to play and swings his baseball bat around. Daisy stumbles into a… TV showroom

HORROR SITUATION: Trapped inside a shopping mall

APPREHENSION: Teen boys and a young girl are playing blindfolded in an abandoned shopping mall. The walking stick sensor beeps…

RELEASE: It’s just a rock…

SURPRISE: Why are they playing inside such a derelict place with their eyes closed? A sudden chill descends. A faint metallic rapid clicking sound… they stop to hear.

SHOCK: Daisy stumbles on a dead corpse with gouged-out eyes! Something did this!

INT. TV SHOWROOM – DAY

The showroom floor is messy with broken electronics strewn around but some TVs are still intact. One of the TVs comes on in the back and something scratches and destroys it leaving huge slits in the glass.

An enormous eye of the DETECTOR glides past them undetected.

MIKE DONNER, the blind twin, senses the detector and drags his younger sister out to safety. The other twin, Jason, lingers at the smartphone counter and accidentally turns on the power to the whole store lighting up the screens. They use the stanchion or retractable queue tape to get out of the store… along a path…

A violent storm and a chill descend inside the showroom and all the blue lights pop like firecrackers to the sounds of incessant clicking.

HORROR SITUATION: Lost – Young girl playing a game with her older brothers gets lost and accidentally stumbles into something…

APPREHENSION: young girl playing blindfolded on a messy floor of an abandoned electronics store

SURPRISE: One of the TVs comes on in the back

SHOCK: a clicking and sound of metal blades slicing glass

MONSTER REVEAL: the detectors make clicking sounds with their blade-like claws

FEAR: TV bursts and we see scratches and a huge slit in the glass

RELEASE: Mike drags his sister outside the store.

MONSTER REVEAL: The detector has one enormous eye and can glide past undetected.

SUSPENSE: Mike calls out to his brother, but Jason lingers on in the smartphone section

RELEASE: Mike uses the stanchion or retractable queue tape to get out of the store… along a path…

DREAD: Jason accidentally turns on the power that lights up the devices in the store. Mike stops and turns…

ANGUISH: A violent storm and a chill descends in the showroom

MONSTER REVEAL: the detectors reduce the temperature in the room to below freezing

PANIC: All the blue lights pop like firecrackers to the sounds of incessant clicking.

TERROR: Daisy sees through her blindfold and screams

MONSTER REVEAL: the detectors are attracted to the blue light from mobile devices

MONSTER REVEAL: They are otherwise blind to other light – Are they Blind?

EXT/INT. TV SHOWROOM – DAY

The father, PHIL DONNER drops a car battery he’s carrying, grabs onto the rope, and traces his steps. All the smartphones and TVs are smashed with huge slits in them like someone ran an enormous blade through all of them. Jason with his baseball bat moves closer trying to see through his blindfold when his father, Phil, pulls him back dropping his son’s blindfold in the tussle.

An enormous eye swivel around but Phil quickly picks up the blindfold and forces his son Jason to shut his eyes and covers them up. The enormous eye lingers and swivels back to the blue screen glow as if sucking out its light.

Phil drags Jason away to safety and scolds him for breaking the family rules. Mike waiting for them, quickly grabs the rope to retrace their way and leads everyone back

HORROR SITUATION: Monster approaching – The Detector finds Jason

APPREHENSION: Phil hears the screams and drops the car battery he’s carrying and grabs the rope to retrace his steps up

SURPRISE: All the smartphones and TVs are smashed with huge slits in them like someone ran an enormous blade through all of them.

SHOCK: Jason with his baseball bat moves closer trying to see through his blindfold when someone pulls him back dropping his blindfold in the tussle – it’s his father Phil.

FEAR: An enormous eye swivel around but Phil quickly picks up the blindfold and forces his son Jason to shut his eyes and covers them up.

SUSPENSE: The enormous eye lingers and swivels back to the blue screen glow as if sucking out its light.

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector is attracted to the human eye and the blue glow of LED screens. You cannot be detected if you cover your eyes.

RELEASE: Phil drags Jason away to safety and scolds him for breaking the family rules. Mike waiting for them, quickly grabs the rope to retrace their way and leads everyone back.

INT. DINING/HOME DECOR – EVENING

SARAH DONNER, the mother, rings a cycle bell to summon the family to dinner in the home furnishing store that is now neatly decorated like their home. Everyone in their blindfolds, uses the pathways to get to the table and take their places with practiced ease.

Jason disagrees with his father about the rules – of no moving without blindfolds and no cell phone and argues that his girlfriend could be dead but wants to call her in case she made it. Mike thinks he’s selfish. Daisy cries and Sarah consoles her and breaks up the fight. They eat in silence for the rest of dinner.

INT. WORKSTATION – EVENING

Phil is inside a tiny tarped-up tent tinkering with his car battery DC generator.

INT. HOME DÉCOR – EVENING

Sarah feeds Daisy narrating her favorite zombie story. Jason hides a smartphone he snatched inside a soap box.

EXT. BATHROOM – EVENING

Mike approaches Jason with his walker on his way to the showers. Jason tags along and tells him he could have done the same thing in his place. Jason asks him to keep the soap box hidden in the cubicle and he takes it from him.

INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT

Sarah wears eyeshades to take her bath in the tub and drapes the tub with a black tarpaulin sheet to go underwater to open her eyes and clean them.

INT. RESTROOM CUBICLE – NIGHT

Jason finds the smartphone hidden in the soap box in the restroom cubicle and turns it on and the blue LED light comes on. He removes his blindfold to make a phone call to check on his girlfriend and feels a cold chill.

An enormous eye pops out inside the cubicle and scans his eyes… Jason’s body drops dead on the floor with eyes gouged out and blood oozing out of them. It seeps into the next cubicle the wetness touching the feet of his blind twin, Mike, making him jump up and onto the commode.

In the next cubicle, he feels his way around but there is no Jason, only blood-soaked clothes cut up by the sharp blade-like claws lying on the floor. Mike sounds the family alarm.

HORROR SITUATION: Doing something forbidden / Face to Face with Monster – Jason makes a phone call to check on his girlfriend and comes face to face with the Detector.

APPREHENSION: Jason finds the smartphone hidden inside the soap box, turns it on and removes his blindfold to make a call

FEAR: A cold chill descends inside the cubicle and the tap freezes over

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector can pop up wherever and scans the human eye

HORROR: Jason’s body drops on the floor with eyes gouged out and blood oozing from the empty sockets.

HYSTERIA: The blood seeps into the next cubicle and touches the feet of the blind twin Mike. He touches the wetness, smells and brings it to his mouth to taste but revolts at the recognition of blood and vomits into the commode. He finds the blood-soaked clothes on the floor cut up by sharp blades and sounds the family alarm.

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector gouges out the eyes and absorbs the bodies leaving only the cut-up clothes.

LATER

Phil goes into shock at losing his favourite twin son. Sarah hugs her remaining kids and cries. Daisy numbs out and clings to blind brother Mike.

INT. WORKSTATION/BASEMENT PARKING – DAY

Phil confines himself to the parking lot tinkering with car batteries under a black tarp-covered makeshift workstation fixing the generators. He drives Mike away to look out for his sister, making him feel guilty for the loss of his twin brother.

INT. HOME – DAY

Sarah remains strong for her kids. She plays with Daisy in her play tent covered in a black tarp.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

EXT. ABANDONED SHOPPING MALL – DAY

Cars with rotting corpses pile up outside the mall on the streets. Phil in blindfolds carefully feels his way to unplug a car battery. Mike, hands him the wrench but Phil snaps at him for a plier. They have a strained relationship and Mike feels guilty as the twin who survived.

INT. GENERATOR ROOM – DAY

They drag the car batteries to the generator room to power up the heaters.

INT. BATHROOM – DAY

Sarah in the bathtub opens her eyes to see inside the water. A detector enters and lurks around, and Sarah can feel its coldness as the room freezes a little whenever they are around. She pulls the black tarp over her and waits…

She can feel the detector’s ragged breath. Detector’s enormous eyes see into the bottom of the tub as the tarp slips away. Sarah holds her breath underwater… The detector gets confused and leaves… Sarah grabs her blindfold and comes out of the water to breathe…

HORROR SITUATION: Monster trying to get to you – Sarah is trapped inside the bathtub as a Detector looks for her eyes underwater…

FEAR: Sarah is in the bathtub, suddenly the water goes cold and she knows that a detector is close by

SUSPENSE: Sarah waits holding her breath to remain underwater…

DREAD: she can hear the ragged breath… she fights to remain underwater when an enormous eye swivels around confused… then drifts away…

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector breathes in a ragged breath and can’t scan the eye underwater due to refraction

INT. WORKSTATION – DAY

Phil sits in the tiny, darkened room with a headlamp to find things in the dark. His wall is scribbled with clues about what the detectors are capable of and what their traits are like “Enormous eye” “attracted to LED light” “Smartphones” “Cold chill – Why?” “sword-like claws” “Known Surviors 4. any others???” It’s blank on the weaknesses. But is quite clear, he wants revenge for his son… “REVENGE” is written in bold in the middle.

There is a radio that he checks every 15 minutes to see if there is someone else out there. He suddenly hears a thunder… He grabs his car keys, puts on the blindfold and rings a family alarm system… rushes out into the basement parking. He fumbles with a garage door and opens it to reveal a brand-new truck loaded with arms and car batteries in the trunk. He feels his way to the driver’s side door and gets in…

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

Sarah jumps out of her tub and slips back into her clothes. She finds her way to the playpen and grabs Daisy and their bags… drops a few essentials. She calls out to her son Mike.

Mike is ready with his walker and rucksack with heavy books. She leaves them behind but then turns to pick one up. They hurry down to the basement using the pathway of ropes.

INT. TRUCK – DAY

They are packed into the truck. Phil takes a deep breath and turns on the ignition. He still has his blindfold on. The camera is blacked out and the display is covered with black tape too. Mike has the timer to measure their speed and shouts out his estimates.

They turn on their headlamps when they get out of the parking lot just missing the edge of the curved ramp. Sarah and Daisy hold each other tight in the back silently.

Thunder and lightning crackle down on them… a huge bright lighting bolt drops nearby illuminating the skies… clicking of the detector’s claws can be heard in the distance.

Lighting storm intensifies… Mike shouts: Now! Phil pulls off his blindfold and floors it through the storm. He reaches the mobile tower and tries to power it up using the car batteries loaded in the back of his truck. Mike detects a broken cable and runs up to his dad to get his attention, but Phil doesn’t hear him through the hard-hitting rain, still trying to turn the power on.

Sarah turns on the mobile device and waits for the signal… Daisy clings to her mommy shivering in the rain. The storm starts to die down… Phil loads the batteries back into the truck.

Daisy goes missing… Phil goes to look for her. He finds her staring down at the broken cables holding Mike who seems to be crying in the rain…

Phil curses the broken cable tries to rejoin them and notices a broken part on the side ripped by a sharp claw like those of the detectors but doesn’t notice his son cry. He scolds Daisy for running off and summons Mike back inside.

They reload everything. Sarah still trying to get a signal lifts up the phone in the air. Phil sees her and jumps up to grab the phone and flings it far away into the dark forest.

They drive back quickly before the storm subsides. Everyone except Phil put on their blindfolds. Phil reminds Mike that he needs to put them on too but he refuses and looks away. Sarah consoles him and puts it on for him.

A lightning bolt illuminates for an instant a tall mobile tower where a swamp of detectors is charging themselves from the lightning bolt. Phil catches a glimpse…

They drive back just in time before the lighting stops. Phil is frustrated… he’s planned this for a long time. Everyone grabs what they brought… Phil asks Mike to take a battery back to the gen room with him…

HORROR SITUATION: Forces of Nature / Impending Doom – Phil packs everyone into the car to ride to the mobile tower during the lightning storm

FEAR: They pull off their blindfold and drive the car into the storm

SUSPENSE: They get to the mobile tower and discover a broken cable.

DREAD: Daisy goes missing

RELEASE: Phil finds her holding Mike who is crying in the rain

SURPRISE: A broken claw of the Detector lies with the broken cable

FEAR: the storm starts to abate and Phil throws the mobile from Sarah’s hands and they put on their blindfolds except Phil who has to drive.

SHOCK: A lightning bolt illuminates for an instant a tall mobile tower where a swamp of detectors is charging themselves from the lightning bolt.

INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

Mike drags the battery and carries the rucksack and walker in the other hand… he is trailing everyone and lost in his thoughts when his blindfold comes off and he doesn’t notice it… keeps walking.

Suddenly, he feels chilly and stops. drops the battery and rubs his hands.

He hears a clicking sound as a detector lurks about… then feels foul ragged breath on his back and turns slowly… points his walker and tightly presses the sensor while beeping signaling that there is an object he is about to hit… his watch gives an audio cue “WARNING: NEAR COLLISION”

Enormous eye of the detector scans his eyes… but the laser from the walker falls on the eye and irritates it and it backs off…

Mike keeps pressing his walker sensor and slowly… clicking sound receded… and the detector vanishes. Mike feels for his blindfold and tears out a bottom strip from his t-shirt to make a new one.

HORROR SITUATION: Face to Face with the monster – Mike falls behind the group and comes face to face with a Detector but escapes unharmed

FEAR: Mike’s blindfold comes off and continues to walk on

SUSPENSE: The chill stops him dead in the tracks. He hears the clicking and points his walker.

SURPRISE: it’s only a lamp flown off due to the storm into their path…

SHOCK: He turns to the front and it’s an enormous eye of the Detector! His watch speaker gives a loud warning.

MONSTER REVEAL: Laser light from the sensor harms the eye of the detector and causes it distress.

EXT. HOME DÉCOR – DAY

The storm has destroyed some of their paths knocking things onto the floor. Sarah is brooming with a blindfold while Mike uses his walker to detect objects in the way… it’s a slow painstaking process as they mark a fresh path… to create a safe corridor with ropes. Daisy picks useful items and plays with her finds…

INT. WORKSTATION – DAY

Phil is tinkering with new power cables…

EXT. PAINT SHOP – DAY

Daisy walks out with paint all over herself… crying. Mike feels and tastes it. He rushes her to the bathroom and washes her up. Sarah rings the bell for lunch and they go back to the dining room.

INT. DINING ROOM – DAY

Phil is lost in his own thoughts. Sarah tries to serve the food she cooked in a blacked-out kitchen with a tarp.

Daisy wants to see her food and Sarah decides to feed her in the kitchen leaving Mike alone with Phil. Daisy plays with her pet hamster in a blackened shoe box.

Mike tells Phil that he thinks maybe his walker scared away a detector. Phil nods but doesn’t engage. Mike leaves his food untouched and walks away… wandering outside.

INT. PAINT SHOP – DAY

Daisy under a black tarp checks the colours of the paint as Mike opens them. Mike and Daisy drag buckets of black paint and brushes with them.

EXT. DARK ROOM – DAY

Mike hands Daisy a brush and they start painting on the glass walls of the storefront with black industrial paint. They painstakingly cover every corner and check. Daisy goes under a tarp to check their progress.

Mike etches brail letters to identify the dark room. They are finally done. Now they need to test if this works.

INT. DARK ROOM – DAY

Daisy opens her black shoe box. Inside her pet hamster is blindfolded. Daisy cuddles her pet and reassures her that she is going to sacrifice her life for her family.

Daisy cries as Mike places the black shoe box in the middle of the darkroom and removes the lid. He hesitates to remove the blindfold on the hamster. Daisy tells him to do it. He yanks it!

They wait in silence. Daisy is ready to cover herself with a blanket expecting the room to get chilly. They don’t hear any clicking and there is no chill. Mike puts on his blind glasses to see… The hamster goes into a blind spot and comes out! It is alive and well.

It worked! Daisy hugs her brave hamster. Mike cuddles them both. They both remove their blindfolds and hug each other properly.

HORROR SITUATION: Doing something forbidden – Daisy and Mike test their darkroom with the pet hamster becoming the scapegoat.

APPREHENSION: The pet hamster tries to cuddle back into Daisy’s arms.

FEAR: Mike yanks the blindfold and Daisy pulls on her blanket

SURPRISE: The hamster goes inside a hole in the wall and comes out unscathed!

SHOCK: Daisy yanks her blindfold and hugs Mike and the hamster.

MONSTER REVEAL: Darkened room can keep the Detector away.

EXT/INT. DARKROOM – DAY

Daisy drags her father and Mike gets his mother. He confirms the etching outside the dark room. Tells them to get inside.

Daisy tells them it is alright. They walk in and close the darkroom doors. Mike cracks neon sticks that light up the darkroom. They open their blindfolds and see each other. Listen for the detectors but none arrive. They all hug each other seeing everyone properly for the first time without a tarp to hide under.

Mike drags Daisy and she boxes her pet up and they put on their blindfold and walk outside to give Sarah and Phil their privacy.

Sarah breaks down and grieves for her son after 100 days. Phil cries for his boy. Sarah gathers herself and tells Phil that he still has another boy and to make up with Mike who is also a tinkerer like him.

Daisy outside tells Mike that she knows he feels guilty for losing Jason but it’s not his fault and she thinks even daddy knows that but he’s just bitter that’s all. He still loves you. Mike is not sure his dad ever did.

Sarah and Phil build a small shrine for their boy Jason. Sarah preserves his baseball bat and balls next to his pinup photos and lights a candle.

INT. WORKSTATION – NIGHT

Phil is busy trying to solder the joints but with his blindfold, he repeatedly burns his fingers. But he needs the cables, so he decides to take off his blindfold to see the joint. He reaches for his dark glasses hoping they will suffice. He wears them and tries to solder…. The heating tip suddenly starts to cool down as a chill settles in. Phil closes his eyes and burns his hand on the hot iron. He hears the ragged breath of a detector, and an enormous eye scans his face from a reflection in the glass. He rings the emergency bell under his desk.

HORROR SITUATION: Face to Face with the Monster / Debilitated – Phil’s eyes get scanned by the Detector

APPREHENSION: Phil takes off his blindfold to see the joint for soldering and wears the dark glasses

FEAR: Phil closes his eyes and burns his hand with the soldering iron. The heating tip goes cold!

SUSPENSE: He hears the ragged breath of the Detector

DREAD: An enormous eye scans his face and reflection in the glasses.

INT. DARKROOM – NIGHT

Mike shuts the audiobook he is listening to and hears the bell again. He grabs his walker and rushes to his dad’s workstation.

EXT/INT. WORKSTATION – NIGHT

Mike can feel the detector’s chill inside. He calls out to his dad. Phil is trapped in a corner. He turns his face… blood streaming down his eyes… He can’t see he is blind. Son uses his walker infrared light to drive away the detector, but he needs to hit it in the eye and misses… The detector mimics the voice of Phil’s dead son which only he can hear… they are from his memories…

Dad thinks his son is alive… tries to respond and goes closer to the detector lured by the voice. Mike screams to his dad but his dad can’t hear him… only Jason’s voice…

Mike finally hits the detector in his enormous eyes, and it lashes out with its claws trying to swipe at him. Its eyes start to melt, and it glides away. The room is not cold anymore. Mike rushes to his dad as he collapses.

Phil tells him that he loves him, and it was not him he was upset about at all. They make it back.

HORROR SITUATION: Debilitated – Phil goes blind

SCARES: Mike enters the basement parking and feels the chill. Calls out to his dad but no response… dad with his face against the wall in a corner is talking to himself. He laughs… and turns his face… blood streaming down his eye sockets. The enormous eye of the Detector blinks and mimics Jason’s voice which only Phil can hear and responds to…

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector can make you blind if it sees your eyes in a reflected glass.

MONSTER REVEAL: The detector is very intelligent. It can mimic voices of people taken from one’s memories to lure you. Nobody else can hear them except the person whose memories have been taken.

RELEASES: Mike points his walker, uses his infrared sensor to aim at the Detector, and breaks the spell… Phil collapses… Mike rushes to him and holds him. Phil calls out for his dead son… Mike tells him it’s him. Phil recognises Mike‘s voice and hugs him.

CREEPY MOMENTS: Mike turns to wipe his dad’s face and steps on something soft… a pulsing slimy eye! He feels Phil’s eyes – shocked to feel them missing! Phil says he’s blind now like him. Mike reassures him. He picks up the soft eyes and pops them into a plastic bag. Wraps a blindfold on Phil’s eyes and helps carry him home.

ACT 3 – ALL IS LOST

INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT

Sarah washes Phil’s eyes in the bathtub and realizes that he’s gone blind. The detectors took his memories, and they used them to lure him. She is glad to have him alive.

INT. HOME DÉCOR – DAY

Daisy sits in Phil’s lap and keeps dabbing his eyes flowing with tears.

INT. DARKROOM – DAY

Mike puts up a large murder board with everything he discovered and transfers his dad’s notice board entries onto it.

Adds new entry – mimicking the voices from one’s memories. Besides the board is the shrine to Jason.

INT. BASEMENT PARKING – DAY

Mike is learning to drive blindfolded with Phil. Daisy sits in the back feeling scared but insists on staying in the car with them.

Mike drives well and almost completes the course set by Phil until he forgets to park and leaves it in drive mode. They get down but the car starts to move, and Phil has to jump in to stop it. Phil pats Mike and Daisy mocks him for leaving it in Drive but she’s impressed with his driving.

INT/EXT. DARKROOM – DAY

Daisy plays hide and seek with Mike.

Sarah is cooking in her new kitchen, and she is relaxed. She is glad Phil is back to tinkering in the basement.

She asks Mike to go check on his dad. Daisy insists on five more minutes of play and Sarah relents.

Daisy in her blindfold searches for Mike. She peeks out of her blindfold and realizes she is not in the darkroom anymore… A cold chill runs through her body. She hears the clicking sounds of the detectors and screams…

Mike runs out with his walking stick and starts to point the infrared sensor at the detector to drive it away… but there is more than one of them.

He stumbles towards Daisy and drops his walker. He frantically looks for it and accidentally kicks it off the ledge trying to retrieve it. He bumps into a fallen chandelier and hides behind it. Daisy is terrified and alone and hearing Mike’s voice jumps towards him and gets to safety. The reflected light from the chandelier confuses one of the detectors.

The other detector finds Daisy and is about to scan her eyes.

Sarah charges towards the detector and shines an LED torch and swings Jason’s baseball bat to attract the detector toward her. She karate chops one detector and lands a kick into her eye.

Sarah hears Daisy scream and removes her blindfold telling her daughter to keep her eyes shut. She throws her blindfold towards her.

The other detector tries to claw Sarah and cuts her hand. She swings the baseball bat with her injured hand. Mike finds a ball near his feet and throws it to her to hit. The detector slices off Sarah’s hand. Her hand holding the baseball drops onto the floor but the ball flies and hit the enormous eye.

The detector is disoriented and shut off her inner transparent eyelid.

Sarah uses her other hand to unsling her shotgun and with one hand press the trigger to aim at the eye, but the eyelid is bulletproof.

Sarah grabs a steel rod and jams it into the protruding belly after Mike’s sensor weakens it.

Fiberoptic-like cables burst forth from the protruding belly and grab Sarah. The enormous eye scans her eyes and absorbs Sarah into her belly and closes up.

HORROR SITUATION: Face to Face with the monster/ No Escape / Dilemma / See another killed – Sarah sacrifices herself to save her daughter Daisy.

HORROR EMOTIONS (scene arc): From Anxiety to Hysteria

RELEASE: Daisy plays hide and seek with Mike: Sarah hears their laughter as she cooks in her new kitchen inside the Darkroom. She is relaxed and humming. She shouts to Mike to check on his dad in the basement. Daisy says five more minutes of play.

APPREHENSION: Daisy in her blindfold searches for Mike. She peeks out of her blindfold and realizes she is not in the darkroom anymore… A cold chill runs through her body. She hears the clicking sounds of the detectors and screams… Sarah feels the kitchen go cold and the stove light goes dim.

SURPRISE: Mike runs out with his walking stick and starts to point the infrared sensor at the detector to drive it away… but there is more than one of them.

SHOCK: He stumbles towards Daisy and drops his walker. He frantically looks for it and accidentally kicks it off the ledge trying to retrieve it. He bumps into a fallen chandelier and hides behind it.

FEAR: Daisy is terrified and alone and hearing Mike’s voice jumps towards him and gets to safety. The reflected light from the chandelier confuses one of the detectors and it swipes its claws to destroy it getting closer to them.

SUSPENSE: The other detector comes around from behind and finds Daisy and is about to scan her eyes.

DREAD: Sarah charges towards the detector and shines an LED torch and swings Jason’s baseball bat to attract the detector toward her. She karate chops one detector and lands a kick into her eye.

ANGUISH: Sarah hears Daisy scream and removes her blindfold telling her daughter to keep her eyes shut. She throws her blindfold towards her.

PANIC: The other detector tries to claw Sarah and cuts her hand. She swings the baseball bat with her injured hand. Mike finds a ball near his feet and throws it to her to hit. The detector slices off Sarah’s hand. Her hand holding the baseball drops onto the floor but the ball flies and hit the enormous eye.

RELEASE: The detector is disoriented and shut off her inner transparent eyelid.

SURPRISE: Sarah uses her other hand to unsling her shotgun and presses the trigger to aim at the eye with one hand, but the eyelid is bulletproof.

RELEASE: Sarah grabs a steel rod and jams it into the protruding belly after Mike’s sensor weakens it.

TERROR: Fiberoptic-like cables burst forth from the protruding belly and grab Sarah. The enormous eye scans her eyes and pulls Sarah into her belly.

HYSTERIA: Sarah hears her son’s voice mimicked by the Detector and speaks to her imaginary son and gets sucked in. Daisy watches in shock and screams. Mike quietens her.

ACT 4 – FULL OUT HORROR

EXT. CORRIDOR – DAY

Daisy through her blindfold sees the slashed clothes of her mother and goes into shock. Mike grabs her and as his watch detects his walker and beeps incessantly, he jumps and lands on a showroom car on the display floor below and rolls to break his fall and protect Daisy in his arms. Mike picks up his stick and realizes he’s next to the car. He throws Daisy into the car and slides in. He looks for the keys already in the ignition and races down the ramp to his dad in the basement parking while Daisy uses his walking stick to detect any objects in the way. Mike crashes through without stopping, bangs into a pillar in the basement, and comes to a halt.

EXT. WORKSTATION – DAY

Phil rushes out with two shotguns and is still getting used to being completely blind and walks too fast and trips into things…

Mike catches his dad from getting hurt. Phil hands over one of the shotguns. Daisy grabs onto Dad and tells him Mom is dead. Phil lets out a wail and fires off a few rounds… Mike takes his shotgun and opens the garage door to his dad’s truck.

INT. TRUCK – DAY

Mike gets into his driver’s seat. Phil and Daisy take the back seat. Mike drives out of the garage and goes up the ramp again to get to the darkroom. He almost crashes into it.

INT. DARKROOM – DAY

They rush inside the dark room and take off their blindfolds. Daisy gets to see her blind dad and brother and hugs them. She checks her black shoe box for her pet hamster.

There is a small crack in the glass and light comes through. The hamster runs from Daisy’s hands towards the light. A detector zaps it!

Daisy feels the chill and they are all terrified. She quickly puts on her blindfold.

Dad turns to fire but is about to blow out the lens store behind but Mike corrects him and reorients him to aim at the detector. He runs up to the giant magnifying glass he has set up in the lens store. Points the infrared laser pointer at it. Daisy corrects his aim and he’s focused on the detector who advances towards Phil. He fires the laser light and hits the bullseye with lightning speed and shatters the inner eyelid which is slow to react and closes only partially. Mike’s infrared beam is amplified by the magnifying glass, and it electrocutes the detector.

The detector shoots out tentacles but the light strains its enormous eyes and they burst. Tentacles collapse! They survive for now and Phil stands in front of Mike and Daisy to protect them and reloads his shotgun.

Mike swings the huge magnifying glass towards the detector. Daisy picks up the walker and points its laser sensor through it. All three of them are ready to blow it up to bits!

More detectors arrive with their tentacles visible through the shattered glass front. They are now fully exposed to light. But unafraid… Thunder sounds!

HORROR SITUATION: Trapped/ Impending doom / Mental and physical torture – The Detector traps them inside the Darkroom and unleashes its full horror

ANGUISH: Daisy still in shock from seeing her mother die is relieved that her pet hamster is alive only to realize in horror that the darkroom has a crack and sees her pet hamster scramble towards the light beam and gets zapped by a blade splattering blood all over the floor.

PANIC: Daisy screams in panic as she is the only one who can see and quickly tries to shut her eyes. Her blind father and brother guard her and the enormous eye is inside the darkroom.

HORROR: Phil loads his shotgun and empties it out on the Detector, but his bullets don’t hit the target and its claws cut him up with their sharp blades. Meanwhile, it’s enough to distract the Detector until Mike can get to his enormous magnifying glass to focus his laser beam. He hits the inner eyelid before it closes and shatters it. The detector shoots out tentacles and grabs Daisy. Phil empties his gun but the tentacles grab him too.

HYSTERIA: Phil screams into it and jabs his bayonet into the enormous eye repeatedly until the eye bursts and the laser beam amputates the Detector’s tentacles and it releases Daisy. Daisy runs to help Mike and this time when it returns to life once more and while the laser beam hits Bullseye and electrocutes the Detector, Phil blows it to bits with a grenade.

INT. TRUCK – DAY

Lighting strikes and Mike drives through it on the highway. Daisy sees a glow of light in the middle of the fields up ahead.

Detectors spawn at the server farm on the outskirts of town feeding on enormous data!

HORROR SITUATION: Transformed into something else (possessed) – Detectors spawn at the server farms.

SHOCK: There are many more that need to be fought and killed!

RELEASE: But for now, the lightning helps the survivors get help and regroup!

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Scary-As-Hell Scene

“What I learned doing this assignment is…how to create a horror map for a scene identifying emotions first and then writing the action.”

MY SCENE: END OF ACT 3 (All is lost)

Horror Situation: Face to Face with the monster

Horror Emotions (scene arc): From Anxiety to Hysteria

SCENE OUTLINE:

Release: Daisy plays hide and seek with Mike: Sarah hears their laughter as she cooks in her new kitchen inside the Darkroom. She is relaxed and humming. She shouts to Mike to check on his dad in the basement. Daisy says five more minutes of play.

Anxiety: Daisy in her blindfold searches for Mike. She peeks out of her blindfold and realizes she is not in the darkroom anymore…

A cold chill runs through her body. She hears the clicking sounds of the detectors and screams… Sarah feels the kitchen go cold and the stove light goes dim.

Surprise: Mike runs out with his walking stick and starts to point the infrared sensor at the detector to drive it away… but there is more than one of them.

Shock: He stumbles towards Daisy and drops his walker. He frantically looks for it and accidentally kicks it off the ledge trying to retrieve it. He bumps into a fallen chandelier and hides behind it.

Fear: Daisy is terrified and alone and hearing Mike’s voice jumps towards him and gets to safety. The reflected light from the chandelier confuses one of the detectors and it swipes its claws to destroy it getting closer to them.

Suspense: The other detector comes around from behind and finds Daisy and is about to scan her eyes.

Dread: Sarah charges towards the detector and shines an LED torch and swings Jason’s baseball bat to attract the detector toward her. She karate chops one detector and lands a kick into her eye.

Anguish: Sarah hears Daisy scream and removes her blindfold telling her daughter to keep her eyes shut. She throws her blindfold towards her.

Panic: The other detector tries to claw Sarah and cuts her hand. She swings the baseball bat with her injured hand. Mike finds a ball near his feet and throws it to her to hit. The detector slices off Sarah’s hand. Her hand holding the baseball drops onto the floor but the ball flies and hit the enormous eye.

Release: The detector is disoriented and shut off her inner transparent eyelid.

Surprise: Sarah uses her other hand to unsling her shotgun and presses the trigger to aim at the eye with one hand, but the eyelid is bulletproof.

Release: Sarah grabs a steel rod and jams it into the protruding belly after Mike’s sensor weakens it.

Terror: Fiberoptic-like cables burst forth from the protruding belly and grab Sarah. The enormous eye scans her eyes and pulls Sarah into her belly.

Hysteria: Sarah hears her son’s voice mimicked by the Detector and speaks to her imaginary son and gets sucked in. Daisy watches in shock and screams. Mike quietens her.

INT/EXT. DARKROOM – DAY

Daisy plays hide and seek with Mike. Sarah hears their laughter as she cooks in her new kitchen. She is relaxed and humming.

SARAH

Mike! Go check on dad… will ya?

DAISY

No! Mommy… five more minutes… it’s finally my turn… please…

SARAH

Okay. Daisy… five minutes… then dinner…

DAISY

Thanks, mommy… ready or not… here I come…

Daisy in her blindfold searches for Mike. She peeks out of her blindfold and realizes she is not in the darkroom anymore…

A cold chill runs through her body. She hears the clicking sounds of the detectors and screams…

Sarah feels the kitchen go cold and the stove light goes dim.

SARAH

Daisy? Mike?…

Mike runs out with his walking stick and points it around… His watch beeps…

AUTOMATED VOICE (V.O.)

(in a loop)

Attention! Object in path… Attention! object in path…

Mike freezes and presses the infrared sensor at the detector to drive it away… but there is more than one.

Mike feels a fresh chill behind him.

MIKE

Daisy?… Where are you…

Daisy in shock…

DAISY

(meekly)

I’m here… help me…

He turns and stumbles towards Daisy and drops his walker.

MIKE

Don’t worry… Daise…

He frantically looks for it and accidentally kicks it off the ledge trying to retrieve it. He bumps into a fallen chandelier and hides behind it.

DAISY

Mike! Mike…

MIKE

Just stay… close your eyes… no matter what…

Daisy is terrified and alone and hearing Mike’s voice jumps towards him and gets to safety.

The reflected light from the chandelier confuses one of the detectors and it swipes its claws to destroy it… getting closer to them.

The other detector comes around from behind and finds Daisy and is about to scan her eyes.

Daisy lets out a shrill scream…

Sarah charges towards the detector and shines an LED torch and swings Jason’s baseball bat to attract the detector toward her.

She karate chops one detector and lands a kick into its enormous eye.

DAISY

Mommy!!!…

Sarah hears Daisy scream and removes her blindfold.

SARAH

Daisy! Here… put this on…

She throws her blindfold towards her.

The other detector tries to claw Sarah and cuts her hand. She swings the baseball bat with her injured hand.

SARAH

Come on… you want this huh?

Mike finds a ball near his feet…

MIKE

Mom! Hit!…

… throws it to her to hit.

The detector slices off Sarah’s hand.

SARAH

(screams)

Oh shit! I’m hit!

Her hand holding the baseball drops onto the floor but the ball flies and hit the enormous eye.

The detector is disoriented but shut off her inner transparent eyelid. The ball cracks the glass but falls down.

Sarah uses her other hand to unsling her shotgun and presses the trigger to aim at the eye with one hand, but the eyelid is bulletproof.

SARAH

(screaming)

Yeah… yeah…

Sarah grabs a steel rod and jams it into the protruding belly after Mike’s sensor weakens it.

The Detector is limp and Sarah bandages her hand…

Fiberoptic-like cables burst forth from the protruding belly and grab Sarah. Sarah screams…

DAISY

Mommy!… Mommy…

The enormous eye scans her eyes and pulls Sarah into her belly. Detector mimics her son…

JASON (V.O.)

Mom… I hit the highest-ever home runs in my team… Mom… I miss you…

SARAH

(mesmerised)

Jason? My darling… how are you… I love you…

Sarah is slowly sucked into the enormous belly and gets swallowed up.

Daisy watches in shock and screams. Mike quietens her.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Scares, Releases, and Creepy Moments!

Mike comes back to pick up the soft eyes on the floor and puts them in an empty plastic bag.“What I learned doing this assignment is…to use scares, releases and creepy moments to heighten the horror in one of my scenes.”

ACT 2 MID-POINT SCENE: PHIL GOES BLIND

SCARES: Mike enters the basement parking and feels the chill. Calls out to his dad but no response… dad with his face against the wall in a corner is talking to himself. He laughs… and turns his face… blood streaming down his eye sockets. The enormous eye of the Detector blinks and mimics Jason’s voice which only Phil can hear and responds to…

RELEASES: Mike points his walker, uses his infrared sensor to aim at the Detector, and breaks the spell… Phil collapses… Mike rushes to him and holds him. Phil calls out for his dead son… Mike tells him it’s him. Phil recognises Mike‘s voice and hugs him.

CREEPY MOMENTS: Mike turns to wipe his dad’s face and steps on something soft… a pulsing slimy eye! He feels Phil’s eyes – shocked to feel them missing! Phil says he’s blind now like him. Mike reassures him. He picks up the soft eyes and pops them into a plastic bag. Wraps a blindfold on Phil’s eyes and helps carry him home.

EXT/INT. WORKSTATION – NIGHT

Mike enters the basement parking and feels the chill. He’s still wearing his blind glasses which allow him to see…

MIKE

Dad! Are you okay?

…no response.

Mike feels his way into the Workstation…

MIKE

(softer)

Dad…

Phil is visible with his face against the wall in a corner…

PHIL

(gibberish)

Yes… okay… that’s my boy…

…talking to himself. He laughs…and slowly turns his face… blood trickles down from where his eyes should be…

The enormous eye of the Detector blinks at Mike… He pulls off his glasses and covers the camera before it can scan it.

DETECTOR

(mimics Jason’s voice)

Dad… come on let’s play catch…

Only Phil can hear it…

PHIL

(to imaginary Jason)

Alright but don’t tell your mom… (laughs)

Mike sees his dad talking to himself.

MIKE

Dad… who are you talking to…

Phil doesn’t hear Mike… continues to mumble…

Mike points his walker, using the infrared sensor he aims it at the detector and breaks the spell… It glides away!

Phil collapses… Mike rushes to hold him… Phil feels his face to recognise him…

PHIL

(looking at Mike)

Jason… my son!

Mike hugs his dad…

MIKE

(crying in anguish)

No dad… It’s me… Mike!

Phil pats him…

PHIL

Oh… I’m sorry I can’t see, something’s in my eyes… take me inside my workstation so I can see you…

MIKE

Here let me get that…

Mike takes a step back to turn and wipe his dad’s face and steps on something mushy… he turns on his camera to see a pulsating slimy eye… shudders… shuts his camera.

He slowly feels Phil’s face… his face freezes in horror… he rushes outside to vomit.

PHIL

Mike… you okay boy…?

MIKE

(crying)

Dad…oh God!

Mike comes back to pick up the soft eyes on the floor and puts them in an empty plastic bag.

PHIL

Mike you know it was not you I was upset about, right?

MIKE

(crying)

Dad…

PHIL

I love you, son…

MIKE

Oh, Dad…

PHIL

You know I thought I heard him before… Jason?

MIKE

There was no one Dad…

Phil is completely blind now. Mike quickly wraps a blindfold on him…

MIKE

Come on let’s get you to mom…

Mike carries Phil and they trace their way back home.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Level 3 Horror Emotion Scene

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to distinguish between Anguish, Panic, Horror and Hysteria and use each of them in the climax scene to create a fitting end to my horror story.”

ACT 3 SCENE: CLIMAX SCENE

ANGUISH: Daisy still in shock from seeing her mother die is relieved that her pet hamster is alive only to realize in horror that the darkroom has a crack and sees her pet hamster scramble towards the light beam and gets zapped by a blade splattering blood all over the floor.

PANIC: Daisy screams in panic as she is the only one who can see and quickly tries to shut her eyes. Her blind father and brother guard her and the enormous eye is inside the darkroom.

HORROR: Phil loads his shotgun and empties it out on the Detector, but his bullets don’t hit the target and its claws cut him up with their sharp blades. Meanwhile, it’s enough to distract the Detector until Mike can get to his enormous magnifying glass to focus his laser beam. He hits the inner eyelid before it closes and shatters it. The detector shoots out tentacles and grabs Daisy. Phil empties his gun but the tentacles grab him too.

HYSTERIA: Phil screams into it and jabs his bayonet into the enormous eye repeatedly until the eye bursts and the laser beam amputates the Detector’s tentacles and it releases Daisy. Daisy runs to help Mike and this time when it returns to life once more and while the laser beam hits Bullseye and electrocutes the Detector, Phil blows it to bits with a grenade.

INT. DARKROOM – DAY

Daisy holds Mike’s hand as he helps Phil get out of the car. Mike counts his steps and stumbles trying to check the signage outside the room…

MIKE

Alright, let’s get inside…

They stumble in…

DAISY

Can I take off my blindfold?

MIKE

Yes Daise… we are in the darkroom…

DAISY

Are you sure?

MIKE

I checked… Daise… go on… check Bella…

Daisy reaches for her blackened shoe box… puts her hand in…

DAISY

Oh, Bella… come here…

Daisy cuddles her hamster… slowly opens her blindfold. She sees her father and hugs him…

DAISY

(crying)

Dad! It… took… Mommy…

Phil has tears running down his cheeks. Hugs her. He reaches around for Mike and grabs him closer to hug him too…

MIKE

We’ll alright here… come on…

Daisy notices a beam of light come through a crack in the wall… Bella the hamster is drawn to it too…

Suddenly Daisy feels a chill in the room. Phil grabs his shotgun… Mike grabs his walker…

Bella slowly creeps up towards the light and looks back at Daisy… Daisy nods her head and leaps to catch it…

… too late… Bella moves into the light…

Zap! A metallic sound reverberates as it hits the ground… Bella’s flattened. Blood splatters all over the floor…

A wet splash hits Daisy in her face… Bella’s blood!

DAISY

(screams)

No!… Bella!

Mike throws her a blindfold…

MIKE

Here… Daisy cover your eyes…

Daisy screams as the room temperature drops and items start to freeze… a slow clicking sound…

Phil points his shotgun in the opposite direction almost ready to blow up Mike.

MIKE

Wait, Dad… it’s that way…

Mike gently orients Phil towards the Detector as he can feel its ragged breath behind him…

MIKE

Dad! Now!

Phil empties his shotgun into the enormous eye but the bullets bounce back and hit objects in the room shattering them. The inner eyelid protects the enormous eye…

MIKE

Stop! It’s bulletproof…

Mike presses his walker sensor sending an infrared light that distresses the enormous eye…

The Detector claws Phil cutting his hands and torso… Phil screams…

MIKE

Dad, are you okay?

PHIL

Goddamit! Yeah, I’m fine… just a slight cut…

Phil tries to reload… But blood gushes out of his tummy… he slides to the floor…

Mike points his walker to the enormous eye and fires a beam which shatters the inner eyelid…

MIKE

Dad… when I tell you…

Mike feels his way to the back and brings out an enormous magnifying glass… he sets it up…

MIKE

Daisy… I’ll need your help… You need to take off your blindfold…

Daisy takes off to help…

DAISY

Turn it more to your…

The Detector shoots out tentacles and grabs Daisy. Daisy screams…

MIKE

Daisy… are you okay?

DAISY

It’s got me with its tentacles…

MIKE

Daisy hang on…

Daisy hears her mom Sarah’s voice calling to her…

SARAH (V.O.)

Come, Daisy… it’s okay, sweety…

Phil gets up feeling helpless…

PHIL

Daisy! Baby…

Mike points his laser beam through the magnifying glass and a strong beam crisscrosses but misses the Detector…

DAISY

Mike… hurry!… I can’t fight it much longer…

Phil empties his gun into the Detector but the tentacles grab him too and he drops his shotgun.

PHIL

Sonofabitch!… Arrrggghhh…

Phil pulls out a bayonet knife from his belt and stabs it into the enormous eye repeatedly… while hysterically screaming…

DAISY

Please…let me go… I want to go to Mommy…

She hears her mom’s voice mimicked by the Detector…

SARAH (V.O.)

Come to me child… that’s it…

Mike points the laser beam to amputate the tentacles of the Detector and it releases Daisy. Daisy screams and drops to the ground…

Phil hears it mimic the voice of his wife Sarah…

SARAH (V.O.)

Phil… Come baby… our son is here… come to me… don’t fight it… we can be together again… See your boy…

Phil closes his eyes as the tentacles engulf him trying to absorb him…

Daisy runs to help Mike and this time when it returns to life again… flailing its enormous tentacles and bleeding from its enormous eye…

DAISY

Dad! Hold on… Don’t listen to it… it’s not real…

The laser beam hits the bullseye and electrocutes the Detector. Phil is thrown to the floor…

He scrambles to quickly grab a grenade hidden under the floorboard and throws it into the enormous eye… blowing it to bits.

They survive for now and Phil stands in front of Mike and Daisy to protect them… reloads his shotgun.

The shattered room invites more detectors who show up on the CCTV cameras set up inside the darkroom…

Mike swings the huge magnifying glass towards the door. Daisy picks up the walker and points its laser sensor through it. All three of them are ready!… thunder rumbles!… lightning cracks!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Level 2 Horror Emotion Scene

“What I learned doing this assignment is…how to use level 2 emotions of fear, suspense and dread, in the second act as the horror is about to begin.”

ACT 2 SCENE: SARAH’S BATHTUB ENCOUNTER WITH THE DETECTOR

FEAR: Sarah is in the bathtub, suddenly the water goes cold and she knows that a detector is close by

SUSPENSE: Sarah waits holding her breath to remain underwater…

DREAD: she can hear the ragged breath… she fights to remain underwater when an enormous eye swivels around confused… then drifts away…

INT. BATHROOM – DAY

Sarah checks the water… the tub is full and the steam fills the room. She undresses and slips into the tub with only her blindfold on…

She washes herself humming a tune and opens her eyes once her face is fully submerged in the water…

Suddenly the steam evaporates and condenses on the glass wall… a faint clicking sound…

The water goes cold… And freezes with the top of the tub forming ice crystals. Sarah is underwater holding her breath… She is running out…

A ragged breath is felt over her shoulders…

She remains still… finds her daughter’s scuba pipe near her feet…

She pulls out the pipe, slowly pushes it through the top, and breathes through the other end in her mouth…

An enormous eye swivels… it seems confused… slowly drifts away…

The bathtub water unfreezes and Sarah pulls her head out and finds her blindfold lying on the floor… puts it back on…

She collapses on the tub and breathes normally again…

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Level 1 Horror Emotion Scene

“What I learned doing this assignment is… although I’m familiar with using surprise and shock before. I learnt that sometimes apprehension can create intrigue in the most mundane things and is a powerful tool to spook your audiences.”

OPENING SCENE:

Apprehension: All three kids are blindfolded and playing in an abandoned mall. The walking stick sensor beeps…

Surprise: A sudden chill descends. A faint metallic rapid clicking sound… they stop to hear.

Shock: Daisy stumbles over a corpse with gouged-out eyes!

FADE IN:

INT. ABANDONED SHOPPING MALL – DAY

Shops inside the mega mall are destroyed and lie derelict and desolate.

Teenage twin boys play blindfolded with their younger sister, DAISY DONNER, 8, in a dilapidated play area.

DAISY

Come on make some noise both of you?

JASON DONNER, 16, the athletic twin swings his baseball bat around…

JASON

This is a stupid and dangerous game to play… blindfolded.

DAISY

Oh, I know where you are Jace… I will catch you!

She runs in his direction…

Crack! Daisy stumbles over something… A corpse with gouged-out eyes!

A sudden chill descends…

MIKE DONNER, the blind twin, uses his walking stick sensor to check for objects in his way… anticipating his watch to give an audio warning any moment…

MIKE

Daisy shh…

DAISY

Aah! Gotta… I will catch you too!

MIKE

(whispers)

Daise… stop… listen…

Daisy cuddles her body feeling cold.

Jason rubs his hands together and breathes out a cold wisp of air…

Mike’s walking stick sensor beeps…

JASON

Here we go…

MIKE

Jace. Stop!

They all go quiet… a faint clicking sound… metallic click… increases rapidly! They recognize it and…

Daisy stumbles into…

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Horror Outline Version 1

“What I learned is…that it’s easy to get lost in the horror but the tags help create the outline with interest techniques and the main turning points of the story.”

OUTLINE VERSION 1

“TITLE: SIGNALS”

ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR

INT. ABANDONED SHOPPING MALL – DAY

Shops inside the mega mall are destroyed and lie derelict and desolate. Dead corpses with gouged-out eyes! Something did this!

Teenage twin boys play blindfolded with their younger sister, DAISY DONNER in a dilapidated play area.

JASON DONNER the athletic twin thinks it’s a stupid game to play and swing his baseball bat around.

Daisy stumbles into a TV showroom …

INT. TV SHOWROOM – DAY

The showroom floor is messy with broken electronics strewn around but some TVs are still intact.

One of the TVs comes on in the back and something scratches and destroys it leaving huge slits in the glass.

An enormous eye of the DETECTOR glides past them undetected.

MIKE DONNER, the blind twin, senses the detector and drags his younger sister out to safety.

They use the stanchion or retractable queue tape to get out of the store… along a path…

The other twin, Jason, lingers at the smartphone counter and accidentally turns on the power to the whole store lighting up the screens.

A violent storm and a chill descend inside the showroom and all the blue lights pop like firecrackers to the sounds of incessant clicking.

EXT/INT. TV SHOWROOM – DAY

PHIL DONNER, the father, drops a car battery he’s carrying and grabs onto the rope and traces his steps, counting his way up to the TV showroom.

All the smartphones and TVs are smashed with huge slits in them like someone ran an enormous blade through all of them.

Jason with his baseball bat moves closer trying to see through his blindfold when his father, Phil, pulls him back dropping his son’s blindfold in the tussle.

Am enormous eye swivel around but Phil quickly picks up the blindfold and forces his son Jason to shut his eyes and covers them up. The enormous eye lingers and swivels back to the blue screen glow as if sucking out its light.

Phil drags Jason away to safety and scolds him for breaking the family rules.

Mike waiting for them, quickly grabs the rope to retrace their way and leads everyone back.

INT. DINING/HOME DECOR – EVENING

SARAH DONNER, the mother, rings a cycle bell to summon the family to dinner in the home furnishing store that is now neatly decorated like their home.

Everyone in their blindfolds, uses the pathways to get to the table and take their places with practiced ease.

Jason disagrees with his father about the rules – of no moving without blindfolds and no cell phone and argues that his girlfriend could be dead but wants to call her in case she made it.

Mike thinks he’s selfish.

Daisy cries and Sarah consoles her and breaks up the fight. They eat in silence for the rest of dinner.

INT. WORKSTATION – EVENING

Phil is inside a tiny tarped-up tent tinkering with his car battery DC generator.

INT. HOME DÉCOR – EVENING

Sarah feeds Daisy narrating her favorite zombie story.

Jason hides a smartphone he snatched inside a soap box.

EXT. BATHROOM – EVENING

Mike approaches Jason with his walker on his way to the showers. Jason tags along and tells him he could have done the same thing in his place. Jason asks him to keep the soap box hidden in the cubicle and he takes it from him.

INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT

Sarah wears eyeshades to take her bath in the tub and drapes the tub with a black tarpaulin sheet to go underwater to open her eyes and clean them.

INT. RESTROOM CUBICLE – NIGHT

Jason finds the smartphone hidden in the soap box in the restroom cubicle and turns it on and the blue LED light comes on. He removes his blindfold to make a phone call to check on his girlfriend and feels a cold chill.

An enormous eye pops out inside the cubicle and scans his eyes… Jason’s body drops dead on the floor with eyes gouged out and blood oozing out of them. It seeps into the next cubicle the wetness touching the feet of his blind twin, Mike, making him jump up and onto the commode.

In the next cubicle, he feels his way around but there is no Jason, only blood-soaked clothes cut up by the sharp blade-like claws lying on the floor.

Mike sounds the family alarm.

LATER

Phil goes into shock at losing his favourite twin son. Sarah hugs her remaining kids and cries. Daisy numbs out and clings to blind brother Mike.

INT. WORKSTATION/BASEMENT PARKING – DAY

Phil confines himself to the parking lot tinkering with car batteries under a black tarp-covered makeshift workstation fixing the generators. He drives Mike away to look out for his sister, making him feel guilty for the loss of his twin brother.

INT. HOME – DAY

Sarah remains strong for her kids. She plays with Daisy in her play tent covered in a black tarp.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

EXT. ABANDONED SHOPPING MALL – DAY

Cars with rotting corpses pile up outside the mall on the streets. Phil in blindfolds carefully feels his way to unplug a car battery. Mike, hands him the wrench but Phil snaps at him for a plier. They have a strained relationship and Mike feels guilty as the twin who survived.

INT. GENERATOR ROOM – DAY

They drag the car batteries to the generator room to power up the heaters.

INT. BATHROOM – DAY

Sarah in the bathtub opens her eyes to see inside the water. A detector enters and lurks around, and Sarah can feel its coldness as the room freezes a little whenever they are around. She pulls the black tarp over her and waits…

She can feel the detector’s ragged breath.

Detector’s enormous eyes see into the bottom of the tub as the tarp slips away. Sarah holds her breath underwater…

The detector gets confused and leaves…

Sarah grabs her blindfold and comes out of the water to breathe…

INT. WORKSTATION – DAY

Phil sits in the tiny, darkened room with a headlamp to find things in the dark. His wall is scribbled with clues about what the detectors are capable of and what their traits are like “Enormous eye” “attracted to LED light” “Smartphones” “Cold chill – Why?” “sword-like claws” “Known Surviors 4. any others???” It’s blank on the weaknesses. But is quite clear, he wants revenge for his son… “REVENGE” is written in bold in the middle.

There is a radio that he checks every 15 minutes to see if there is someone else out there.

He suddenly hears a thunder…

He grabs his car keys, puts on the blindfold and rings a family alarm system… rushes out into the basement parking.

He fumbles with a garage door and opens it to reveal a brand-new truck loaded with arms and car batteries in the trunk. He feels his way to the driver’s side door and gets in…

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

Sarah jumps out of her tub and slips back into her clothes. She finds her way to the playpen and grabs Daisy and their bags… drops a few essentials. She calls out to her son Mike.

Mike is ready with his walker and rucksack with heavy books. She leaves them behind but then turns to pick one up.

They hurry down to the basement using the pathway of ropes.

INT. TRUCK – DAY

They are packed into the truck. Phil takes a deep breath and turns on the ignition. He still has his blindfold on. The camera is blacked out and the display is covered with black tape too. Mike has the timer to measure their speed and shouts out his estimates.

They turn on their headlamps when they get out of the parking lot just missing the edge of the curved ramp.

Sarah and Daisy hold each other tight in the back silently.

Thunder and lightning crackle down on them… a huge bright lighting bolt drops nearby illuminating the skies… clicking of the detector’s claws can be heard in the distance.

Lighting storm intensifies… Mike shouts: Now! Phil pulls off his blindfold and floors it through the storm.

He reaches the mobile tower and tries to power it up using the car batteries loaded in the back of his truck. Mike detects a broken cable and runs up to his dad to get his attention, but Phil doesn’t hear him through the hard-hitting rain, still trying to turn the power on.

Sarah turns on the mobile device and waits for the signal…

Daisy clings to her mommy shivering in the rain.

The storm starts to die down… Phil loads the batteries back into the truck.

Daisy goes missing… Phil goes to look for her.

He finds her staring down at the broken cables holding Mike who seems to be crying in the rain…

Phil curses the broken cable tries to rejoin them and notices a broken part on the side ripped by a sharp claw like those of the detectors but doesn’t notice his son cry. He scolds Daisy for running off and summons Mike back inside.

They reload everything.

Sarah still trying to get a signal lifts up the phone in the air. Phil sees her and jumps up to grab the phone and flings it far away into the dark forest.

They drive back quickly before the storm subsides. Everyone except Phil put on their blindfolds. Phil reminds Mike that he needs to put them on too but he refuses and looks away. Sarah consoles him and puts it on for him.

A lightning bolt illuminates for an instant a tall mobile tower where a swamp of detectors is charging themselves from the lightning bolt. Phil catches a glimpse…

They drive back just in time before the lighting stops.

Phil is frustrated… he’s planned this for a long time.

Everyone grabs what they brought…

Phil asks Mike to take a battery back to the gen room with him…

INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

Mike drags the battery and carries the rucksack and walker in the other hand… he is trailing everyone and lost in his thoughts when his blindfold comes off and he doesn’t notice it… keeps walking.

Suddenly, he feels chilly and stops. drops the battery and rubs his hands.

He hears a clicking sound as a detector lurks about… then feels foul ragged breath on his back and turns slowly… points his walker and tightly presses the sensor while beeping signaling that there is an object he is about to hit… his watch gives an audio cue “WARNING: NEAR COLLISION”

Enormous eye of the detector scans his eyes… but the laser from the walker falls on the eye and irritates it and it backs off…

Mike keeps pressing his walker sensor and slowly… clicking sound receded… and the detector vanishes.

Mike feels for his blindfold and tears out a bottom strip from his t-shirt to make a new one.

EXT. HOME DÉCOR – DAY

The storm has destroyed some of their paths knocking things on to the floor.

Sarah is brooming with a blindfold while Mike uses his walker to detect objects in the way… it’s a slow painstaking process as they mark a fresh path… to create a safe corridor with ropes.

Daisy picks useful items and plays with her finds…

INT. WORKSTATION – DAY

Phil is tinkering with new power cables…

EXT. PAINT SHOP – DAY

Daisy walks out with paint all over herself… crying. Mike feels and tastes it. He rushes her to the bathroom and washes her up. Sarah rings the bell for lunch and they go back to the dining room.

INT. DINING ROOM – DAY

Phil is lost in his own thoughts. Sarah tries to serve the food she cooked in a blacked-out kitchen with a tarp.

Daisy wants to see her food and Sarah decides to feed her in the kitchen leaving Mike alone with Phil. Daisy plays with her pet hamster in a blackened shoe box.

Mike tells Phil that he thinks maybe his walker scared away a detector.

Phil nods but doesn’t engage.

Mike leaves his food untouched and walks away… wandering outside.

INT. PAINT SHOP – DAY

Daisy under a black tarp checks the colours of the paint as Mike opens them. Mike and Daisy drag buckets of black paint and brushes with them.

EXT. DARK ROOM – DAY

Mike hands Daisy a brush and they start painting on the glass walls of the storefront with black industrial paint. They painstakingly cover every corner and check. Daisy goes under a tarp to check their progress.

Mike etches brail letters to identify the dark room.

They are finally done. Now they need to test if this works.

INT. DARK ROOM – DAY

Daisy opens her black shoe box. Inside her pet hamster is blindfolded. Daisy cuddles her pet and reassures her that she is going to sacrifice her life for her family.

Daisy cries as Mike places the black shoe box in the middle of the darkroom and removes the lid. He hesitates to remove the blindfold on the hampster. Daisy tells him to do it. He yanks it!

They wait in silence. Daisy is ready to cover herself with a blanket expecting the room to get chilly.

The don’t hear any clicking and there is no chill. The hamster is alive and well.

It worked!

Daisy hugs her brave hamster. Mike cuddles them both.

They both remove their blindfolds and hug each other properly.

EXT/INT. DARKROOM – DAY

Daisy drags her father and Mike gets his mother. He confirms the etching outside the dark room. Tells them to get inside.

Daisy tells them it is alright. They walk in and close the darkroom doors.

Mike cracks neon sticks that light up the darkroom.

They open their blindfolds and see each other.

Listen for the detectors but none arrive.

They all hug each other seeing everyone properly for the first time without a tarp to hide under.

Mike drags Daisy and she boxes her pet up and they put on their blindfold and walk outside to give Sarah and Phil their privacy.

Sarah breaks down and grieves for her son after 100 days. Phil cries for his boy. Sarah gathers herself and tells Phil that he still has another boy and to make up with Mike who is also a tinkerer like him.

Daisy outside tells Mike that she knows he feels guilty for losing Jason but it’s not his fault and she thinks even daddy knows that but he’s just bitter that’s all. He still loves you.

Mike is not sure his dad ever did.

Sarah and Phil build a small shrine for their boy Jason. Sarah preserves his baseball bat and balls next to his pinup photos and lights a candle.

INT. WORKSTATION – NIGHT

Phil is busy trying to solder the joints but with his blindfold, he repeatedly burns his fingers. But he needs the cables, so he decides to take off his blindfold to see the joint. He reaches for his dark glasses hoping they will suffice. He wears them and tries to solder…. The heating tip suddenly starts to cool down as a chill settles in. Phil closes his eyes and burns his hand on the hot iron. He hears the ragged breath of a detector, and an enormous eye scans his face from a reflection in the glass. He rings the emergency bell under his desk.

INT. DARKROOM – NIGHT

Mike shuts the audiobook he is listening to and hears the bell again. He grabs his walker and rushes to his dad’s workstation.

INT. WORKSTATION – NIGHT

Mike can feel the detector’s chill inside. He calls out to his dad. Phil is trapped in a corner. He turns his face… blood streaming down his eyes… He can’t see he is blind. Son uses his walker infrared light to drive away the detector, but he needs to hit it in the eye and misses… The detector mimics the voice of Phil’s dead son which only he can hear… they are from his memories…

Dad thinks his son is alive… tries to respond and goes closer to the detector lured by the voice. Mike screams to his dad but his dad can’t hear him… only Jason’s voice…

Mike finally hits the detector in his enormous eyes, and it lashes out with its claws trying to swipe at him. Its eyes start to melt, and it glides away. The room is not cold anymore. Mike rushes to his dad as he collapses.

Phil tells him that he loves him, and it was not him he was upset about at all.

They make it back.

ACT 3 – ALL IS LOST

INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT

Sarah washes Phil’s eyes in the bathtub and realizes that he’s gone blind. The detectors took his memories, and they used them to lure him. She is glad to have him alive.

INT. HOME DÉCOR – DAY

Daisy sits in Phil’s lap and keeps dabbing his eyes flowing with tears.

INT. DARKROOM – DAY

Mike puts up a large murder board with everything he discovered and transfers his dad’s notice board entries onto it.

Adds new entry – mimicking the voices from one’s memories.

Besides the board is the shrine to Jason.

INT. BASEMENT PARKING – DAY

Mike is learning to drive blindfolded with Phil. Daisy sits in the back feeling scared but insists on staying in the car with them.

Mike drives well and almost completes the course set by Phil until he forgets to park and leaves it in drive mode. They get down but the car starts to move, and Phil has to jump in to stop it.

Phil pats Mike and Daisy mocks him for leaving it in Drive but she’s impressed with his driving.

INT. DARKROOM – DAY

Daisy plays hide and seek with Mike.

Sarah is cooking in her new kitchen, and she is relaxed. She is glad Phil is back to tinkering in the basement.

She asks Mike to go check on his dad. Daisy insists on five more minutes of play and Sarah relents.

Daisy in her blindfold searches for Mike. She peeks out of her blindfold and realizes she is not in the darkroom anymore…

A cold chill runs through her body. She hears the clicking sounds of the detectors and screams…

Mike runs out with his walking stick and starts to point the infrared sensor at the detector to drive it away… but there is more than one of them.

He stumbles towards Daisy and drops his walker. He frantically looks for it and accidentally kicks it off the ledge trying to retrieve it. He bumps into a fallen chandelier and hides behind it. Daisy is terrified and alone and hearing Mike’s voice jumps towards him and gets to safety. The reflected light from the chandelier confuses one of the detectors.

The other detector finds Daisy and is about to scan her eyes.

Sarah charges towards the detector and shines an LED torch and swings Jason’s baseball bat to attract the detector toward her. She karate chops one detector and lands a kick into her eye.

Sarah hears Daisy scream and removes her blindfold telling her daughter to keep her eyes shut. She throws her blindfold towards her.

The other detector tries to claw Sarah and cuts her hand. She swings the baseball bat with her injured hand. Mike finds a ball near his feet and throws it to her to hit. The detector slices off Sarah’s hand. Her hand holding the baseball drops onto the floor but the ball flies and hit the enormous eye.

The detector is disoriented and shut off her inner transparent eyelid.

Sarah uses her other hand to unsling her shotgun and with one hand press the trigger to aim at the eye, but the eyelid is bulletproof.

Sarah grabs a steel rod and jams it into the protruding belly after Mike’s sensor weakens it.

Fiberoptic-like cables burst forth from the protruding belly and grab Sarah. The enormous eye scans her eyes and absorbs Sarah into her belly and closes up.

ACT 4 – FULL OUT HORROR

EXT. CORRIDOR – DAY

Daisy through her blindfold sees the slashed clothes of her mother and goes into shock. Mike grabs her and as his watch detects his walker and beeps incessantly, he jumps and lands on a showroom car on the display floor below and rolls to break his fall and protect Daisy in his arms. Mike picks up his stick and realizes he’s next to the car. He throws Daisy into the car and slides in. He looks for the keys already in the ignition and races down the ramp to his dad in the basement parking while Daisy uses his walking stick to detect any objects in the way. Mike crashes through without stopping, bangs into a pillar in the basement, and comes to a halt.

EXT. WORKSTATION – DAY

Phil rushes out with two shotguns and is still getting used to being completely blind and walks too fast and trips into things…

Mike catches his dad from getting hurt. Phil hands over one of the shotguns. Daisy grabs onto Dad and tells him Mom is dead. Phil lets out a wail and fires off a few rounds…

Mike takes his shotgun and opens the garage door to his dad’s truck.

INT. TRUCK – DAY

Mike gets into his driver’s seat. Phil and Daisy take the back seat. Mike drives out of the garage and goes up the ramp again to get to the darkroom. He almost crashes into it.

INT. DARKROOM – DAY

They rush inside the dark room and take off their blindfolds. Daisy gets to see her blind dad and brother and hugs them. She checks her black shoe box for her pet hamster.

There is a small crack in the glass and light comes through. The hamster runs from Daisy’s hands towards the light.

A detector zaps it!

Daisy feels the chill and they are all terrified. She quickly puts on her blindfold.

Dad turns to fire but is about to blow out the lens store behind but Mike corrects him and reorients him to aim at the detector. He runs up to the giant magnifying glass he has set up in the lens store. Points the infrared laser pointer at it. Daisy corrects his aim and he’s focused on the detector who advances towards Phil. He fires the laser light and hits the bullseye with lightning speed and shatters the inner eyelid which is slow to react and closes only partially. Mike’s infrared beam is amplified by the magnifying glass, and it electrocutes the detector.

The detector shoots out tentacles but the light strains its enormous eyes and they burst. Tentacles collapse!

They survive for now and Phil stands in front of Mike and Daisy to protect them and reloads his shotgun.

Mike swings the huge magnifying glass towards the detector. Daisy picks up the walker and points its laser sensor through it. All three of them are ready to blow it up to bits!

More detectors arrive with their tentacles visible through the shattered glass front. They are now fully exposed to light. But unafraid… Thunder sounds!

INT. TRUCK – DAY

Lighting strikes and Mike drives through it on the highway. Daisy sees a glow of light in the middle of the fields up ahead.

Detectors spawn at the server farm on the outskirts of town feeding on enormous data!

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Character Journey Track

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to create a profile and journey for each of the main characters”

Character Profile: Phil Donner

1. Role: Father / Leader

2. Traits: Stubborn, Tinkerer, Complaining, Unkind

3. Fears: Fear of dark, unknown, something terrible will happen, Unseen

4. Wants/Needs: to get revenge for his twin son / to protect his family.

5. Likability / Rooting factors: Always complaining and is unkind to the blind son and blames him for losing his twin brother.

6. How they react under stress: tries to take out his issues by building something useful

7. Relationship with other characters: over-protective and bossy

Character Journey: Phil Donner

1. Character Intro: He saves his twin son and drags him to safety. He scolds him for not following the rules.

2. Denial: Blindfolds his son even though he is unsure of what the Detectors can or cannot do because those are their family rules

3. Reaction at first horror: Goes into shock at losing his favourite twin son and confines himself to the parking lot tinkering with car batteries and fixing the generators and makes the blind twin feel guilty.

4. Relation to the group after the first horror: reclusive. Obsessive with revenge

5. How they fight back: rebuilding the mobile tower and powering it using car batteries to reach out to the outside world

6. End Point: He shoots the Detectors into bits. Survives for now.

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? You need to learn more about the Detectors and target their weakness to beat them.

Character Profile: Sarah Donner

1. Role: Mother / Rescuer

2. Traits: Patient. Caring. Badass. Swift.

3. Fears: Fear of losing her loved ones, something terrible will happen, predators, being alone.

4. Wants/Needs: to see her son again / to take charge to protect her kids

5. Likability / Rooting factors: She is badass. She will risk her life to protect her kids.

6. How they react under stress: She is calm and can handle a gun with ease

7. Relationship with other characters: She takes charge and mediates between father and kids and is kind and caring.

Character Journey: Sarah Donner

1. Character Intro: Rings a cycle bell to summon the family to dinner in the home furnishing store that is now neatly decorated like their home.

2. Denial: Wears eyeshades to take her bath in the tub and drapes the tub with a black tarpaulin sheet to go underwater to open her eyes and clean them.

3. Reaction at first horror: Hugs her remaining kids and cries. Tries to be strong for them.

4. Relation to the group after the first horror: She leads and wants her remaining kids to survive

5. How they fight back: She is a badass with the gun and has karate chops she learnt from her self-defence lessons

6. End Point: She shoots the Detector and stabs it in the protruding belly with a rod but she succumbs in the end to save her kids.

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? The Detectors have an inner protective eyelid that is bulletproof. Her eyes are scanned and the brain is sucked out and the tentacles grab her body and absorb it into the Detector’s belly.

Character Profile: Jason Donner

1. Role: Athletic twin son / Sacrificial Lamb

2. Traits: Belligerent. Defiant. Athletic. Selfish.

3. Fears: Fear of dark, unknown, being alone, going insane.

4. Wants/Needs: to be liked by all / to save his girlfriend.

5. Likability / Rooting factors: He is charming and handsome and stupidly in love.

6. How they react under stress: He is in denial and tries to beat the Detectors with a baseball bat

7. Relationship with other characters: doesn’t listen to anyone and is too full of himself as the most popular player on his football team.

Character Journey: Jason Donner

1. Character Intro: he plays hide and seek with his little sister and twin brother and thinks it’s a stupid game to play

2. Denial: he thinks he’ll go insane if he has to stay blindfolded much longer and wants to take it off and just hit a few balls with his baseball bat

3. Reaction at first horror: He wants to attack the Detector with his baseball bat

4. Relation to the group after first horror: He is selfish and thinks about himself first.

5. How they fight back: He just wants to swing his bat at the Detectors and being it down with violence

6. End Point: He falls prey to the Detectors when he switches on the smartphone in the toilet cubicle.

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? The detector is attracted to the blue LED light of the mobile screen and kills him brutally. Leaving only blood-soaked clothes cut up by the sharp blade-like claws.

Character Profile: Mike Donner

1. Role: Blind twin son / Introvert/Loner

2. Traits: Smart, introverted, Low self-esteem, feels guilty

3. Fears: Fear of something terrible will happen, pain and torture, death

4. Wants/Needs: to be loved / to be forgiven by his father.

5. Likability / Rooting factors: protective of his younger sister and works hard to please his father and be forgiven for losing his brother

6. How they react under stress: goes into his shell and listens to his audiobooks

7. Relationship with other characters: always covers up for his twin brother, doesn’t get along with his father but is loving and caring towards his mom and younger sister.

Character Journey: Mike Donner

1. Character Intro: he senses the Detectors in the TV showroom and drags his younger sister out to safety.

2. Denial: He wears a blindfold even though he is blind because those are the family rules

3. Reaction at first horror: He quickly grabs the rope to retrace their way out of the store and back to their home.

4. Relation to the group after first horror: He leads and uses his senses to get everyone out to safety

5. How they fight back: He accidentally discovers the infrared sensor from his walker and uses it to cause the Detectors distress and scare them away

6. End Point: He blows up the giant eyes of the Detector by beaming an infrared laser through a magnifying lens. Survives for now.

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? The Detectors are weakened by the Infrared light.

Character Profile: Daisy Donner

1. Role: Younger Sister / Innocent

2. Traits: Naïve, Naughty, Loving and Daring.

3. Fears: Fear of the dark, predators, being alone.

4. Wants/Needs: to play with her brothers / to obey the rules and stay alive

5. Likability / Rooting factors: She is a naughty sweet little girl who is loved by everyone.

6. How they react under stress: She numbs out and clings to her older brother, following his lead

7. Relationship with other characters: Loving and bossy.

Character Journey: Daisy Donner

1. Character Intro: Daisy loves to play hide and seek with her older brothers and stumbles into a TV showroom that can attract the Detectors

2. Denial: She is too young to comprehend and peeps out the blindfold that gets her into trouble and sacrifices her mother

3. Reaction at first horror: numbs out and clings to blind brother

4. Relation to the group after first horror: she becomes upset and angry

5. How they fight back: she works with her blind brother to outsmart the Detectors and helps in creating a darkroom

6. End Point: She points her brother’s walking stick prepared to attack the Detectors with the infrared sensor. Survives for now.

7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? The Detectors are attracted to the reflected light from the exposed eyes and scan it to access the memories in our brains. You have to be smart to beat these Detectors.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Monster Reveal Track

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to identify the various components of my monster and create a demand for the reveals. I enjoyed watching THE THING and creating demand for my reveals.”

COMPONENTS OF THE MONSTER

• Powers: access our memories through our eyes and feed on them; especially attracted to blue LED lights from mobile devices, enormous eyes act as scanners that scan human eyes or any screen; they gouge out the eyes and empty the brain from the inside out; their sharp bladelike claws slice through bone and metal like butter that makes clicking sounds; it has an inner protective eyelid that is bulletproof; tentacles like fibre optic cables burst out of their protruding bellies to grab their victim and devour them, the tentacles act as both signal transmitters and receivers; they are alive as long as they have memories to feed on; they recharge on the mobile towers and use AI to communicate and network;

• Limitations: they are deaf to the human range of frequencies and can only sense through vibrations and perceive sound also as light waves; needs to constantly feed on heavy doses of data; attracted to a brighter light source of light like lightning and cannot see through a thick dark opaque glass coating.

• Weaknesses: are disoriented by infrared light; prolonged exposure causes their eyes to strain and burst

• Plan/Purpose/Appetite: A virus that mutated through human species into an advanced AI being programmed in its DNA to adapt and fight for its survival that sustains itself on heavy doses of data. Having exhausted the information on the internet it now scans human memories.

• Who or what the monster is: Advanced species that has mutated rapidly aided by AI from a virus-infected human into a being that thrives on memories and vast data and is addicted to blue LED screens. It spawns on data server farms across the country.

THE DETECTORS – DELIVERY & DEMAND WITH FULL REVEAL LIST

1. DEMAND: Intrigue! What happened to the shops inside this mega mall…

MONSTER REVEAL: corpses with gouged-out eyes! Something did this!

2. DEMAND: Kids playing hide and seek in the desolate mall wearing blindfolds stumble into a TV showroom with TVs still intact

MONSTER REVEAL: The TV comes on in the back and something scratches and destroys it. We see the enormous eyes of the Detector as it glides past them undetected.

3. DEMAND: Blind twin grabs his younger sister, and they use the stanchion or retractable queue tape to get out of the store. The other twin lingers at the smartphone counter and accidentally turns on the power to the whole store lighting up the screens.

MONSTER REVEAL: A detector storms in and goes crazy addicted to the blue light.

4. DEMAND: Twin picks up a baseball bat and moves closer trying to peep through his blindfold when his father pulls him back dropping his blindfold in the tussle.

MONSTER REVEAL: Enormous eyes swivel around but father quickly picks up the blindfold and forces his son to shut his eyes and covers them. Eyes linger and swivel back to the blue screen.

5. DEMAND: Twin boy sees through his blindfold

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector is blurry and grotesque with sharp claws making clicking noises.

6. DEMAND: Twin boy finds the smartphone in the restroom cubicle and turns it on

MONSTER REVEAL: Enormous eyes pop out inside the cubicle and scan his eyes… boy’s body drops dead on the floor with eyes gouged out and blood oozing out seeps into the next cubicle the wetness touching the feet of his blind twin making him jump up and onto the commode.

7. DEMAND: lighting storm while the father is trying to unplug the car batteries turns on the car lights accidentally

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector is attracted to the lightning and ignores the car headlamps.

8. DEMAND: The father packs the car with the family and drives out to the mobile tower during the thunderstorm

MONSTER REVEAL: A swamp of Detectors are charging themselves hanging onto the mobile tower.

9. DEMAND: Blind twin forgets his blindfold and his walker senses an obstacle – The Detector!

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector is unable to scan his eyes and gets distressed by the infrared light from his walker shining into its enormous eyes and disappears.

10. DEMAND: Young sister removes the blindfold on her pet hamster inside the darkroom

MONSTER REVEAL: The detector doesn’t sense the hamster inside the dark room

11. DEMAND: Bind twin drags their mother and father inside the darkroom and removes their blindfold gently

MONSTER REVEAL: Kids leave the darkroom and Mother and Father grieve for the first time for the loss of their twin son when Dad takes out his picture from his wallet. They make a small shrine for him inside the darkroom.

12. DEMAND: Father tries to use sunglasses to cover his eyes.

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detectors blind him with their reflection.

13. DEMAND: Father trapped in a corner hears his dead twin son’s voice as a baby calling out to him to remove his blindfold and open his eyes.

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detectors mimic the voice of his dead son

14. DEMAND: Baby sister playing hide and seek peeps out of her blindfold

MONSTER REVEAL: A detector appears, and the blind boy uses his infrared sensor to distract it but there is more than one of them.

15. DEMAND: blind boy drop the sensor and kicks it down accidentally. Hides his sister behind a chandelier.

MONSTER REVEAL: The detector is confused by the reflected bright light.

16. DEMAND: Another detector finds the young girl and is ready to scan its eyes when the girl screams

MONSTER REVEAL: Mother removes her blindfold and using a torch attracts the Detector towards her.

17. DEMAND: Mother grabs a baseball bat and ball and swings at the ball that her blind son throws

MONSTER REVEAL: The ball strikes the enormous eyes of the Detector, and it gets disoriented and closes the inner transparent eyelid.

18. DEMAND: Mother loads her shotgun and shoots at the Detector

MONSTER REVEAL: The detector is immune to the gunpowder and absorbs it. The eyes have a bulletproof protective inner eyelid.

19. DEMAND: Mother grabs a steel rod and jams it into the protruding belly of the Detector.

MONSTER REVEAL: Fibre optic cable-like tentacles burst out and grab her mother and devour her after the enormous eyes scan her memories.

20. DEMAND: car crashes into the storefront and there is a crack in the darkroom

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector enters the darkroom and scans the lens store

21. DEMAND: Blind son looks for a magnifying glass and beams the laser light through it at the enormous eyes of the Detector

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detector shoots out tentacles but the light strains its enormous eyes and they burst.

22. DEMAND: The detector tentacles are still alive

MONSTER REVEAL: More detectors arrive outside the darkroom with their tentacles out as if to home in on the signal

23. DEMAND: Driving through the lightning storm they see a glow of light in the middle of the fields. [to create a sequel]

MONSTER REVEAL: The Detectors spawn at the server farm on the outskirts of town feeding on the enormous server data.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Character Death Track

“What I learned doing this assignment is…creating the ‘why’ and ‘how’ each character dies in my story.”

• Character Death 1: Athletic Twin Son (Jason Donner)

• Why: Strongest in the group / One most in denial / Breaks the rules

• How: Attempts to call his girlfriend and fails/surprised & blindsided / eyes are scanned and gouged out and eaten by the Detectors to show the audience how vicious they are.

• Character Death 2: Mother (Sarah Donner)

• Why: The one who is doing everything right

• How: Sacrifices herself to protect her kids and distracts the Detectors by removing her blindfold and charging blindly into action

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Horror Situation Track

“What I learned doing this assignment is…how easy it is to brainstorm more than 20 horror situations and their reactions to incorporate into my plot”.

4-ACT STRUCTURE: HORROR SITUATIONS & REACTIONS

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

• Atmosphere of Evil established: shops inside the mega mall are destroyed and lie derelict and desolate.

• Horror Situation – Impending doom: dead bodies are strewn around with eyes gouged out.

• Reaction – Denial: The kids play hide and seek.

• Connect with the characters: teenage twin boys play blindfolded with their younger sister in a dilapidated play area.

• Horror Situation – Lost: blindfolded Young sister trips into a TV showroom full of screens. Some are still intact and can dangerously attract the Detectors.

• Reaction – Escape: Blind son realizes where they are and grabs his sister to get her out of the store.

•Horror Situation – Unknown motive: The Detectors destroy the smartphones and TV shops trying to scan for information and retrieve recorded data

• Reaction – Denial: Twin Son tries to approach the Detectors with a baseball bat, but his father quickly blindfolds him and drags him away to safety.

• The characters are warned not to do it: teenage boy disagrees with his father that his girlfriend is dead and wants to call her

•Horror Situation<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> – Can not see (fog, being underwater), speak or yell, hear (too loud or too quiet): throughout we only see through the blindfold (POV shots), only time they can remove it during lighting storms and inside the darkroom

• Reaction – Escape: they escape from the Detectors by creating a safe corridor to walk in and count steps to each location.

•Horror Situation – Internal conflict in the group: twin son refuses to follow the rules of the family of no phones and using blindfolds.

• Reaction – Denial: Twin son steals a smartphone and hides it.

• Denial of Horror: he tricks his twin brother into hiding a smartphone for him.

•Horror Situation – Tricked: Twin brother tricks his blind twin into hiding a smartphone in the toilet by keeping it in a soap case.

• Reaction – Hide: Blind brother keeps the soap tray in the toilet.

• Safety taken away: teenage boy finds the smartphone in the restroom cubicle and turns it on.

•<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Horror Situation – Doing something forbidden: twin son makes a phone call to check on his girlfriend

• Reaction – Denial: Twin son dials the number and attracts the Detector which scans his eyes.

• Monster: The nature of the beast: he tries calling his girlfriend on the smartphone in the bathroom cubicle, but he gets devoured by the Detectors.

•Horror Situation – Face to face with the monster: twin son is scanned and killed brutally;

• Reaction – Hide: blind son hides on top of the toilet in the next cubicle

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

• Isolated: cars with corpses pile up outside the mall on the streets, the father drags the batteries from the cars to the generator room to power up the heaters, the mother takes a bath in the tub; the surviving blind twin son feels guilty for surviving and shares a strained relationship with his dad.

•<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Horror Situation – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Forces of nature: lighting is the only time they can escape without the Detectors sensing them

• Reaction – Escape: Father packs them into the car and drives out of the parking lot to the mobile tower where many detectors are waiting to get recharged

•Horror Situation – Walking into a trap: Father tries to fix the mobile tower while detectors are waiting there to get recharged

• Reaction – Try to solve it: Father tries to power up the mobile tower with car batteries but the cables are broken.

• Trapped: blind boy forgets his blindfold and meets the Detector, but it gets distracted and flees when he shines the infrared light sensor of his walker.

•<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Horror Situation – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>A character refuses to take action: Blind son refuses to blindfold his eyes

• Reaction – Fight: Blind son swings his walker and uses his infrared sensor to detect the Detector

•<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Horror Situation – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>The only one who sees the monster: blind twin son senses the Detectors before him trying to scan his blind eyes.

• Reaction – trying to solve it: he presses his walking stick infrared sensor. It gets distressed by the infrared light from the sensor in his walking stick.

•Horror Situation – Environment changing around you: mall becomes desolate, strewn will dead bodies with eyes gouged out. They lose their orientation when the storm destroys the mall and their safe corridor

• Reaction – Try to solve it: Blind son uses his walking sensor to identify a new path and recreates a safe zone.

• Abducted (Scapegoat): he finds a paint shop and brings black paint to create a lightproof dark room for their family meetings, he and his sister finish painting the dark room, but they need to test it; his sister sacrifices her pet hamster blindfolded in a darkened box, they place it in the darkroom and remove its blindfold and wait for the Detector to turn up, their black paint works.

• One of us killed (grieve for lost son): they hold their first family meeting and see each other; father and mother get their alone time to grieve for their lost twin son after 100 days.

•<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Horror Situation – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Trapped: inside the darkroom with the Detector trying to scan father’s blindfolded eyes.

• Reaction – trying to solve it: Father tries to use the sunglasses to cover his eyes but goes blind before his blind son drives it away with his infrared sensor.

•<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Horror Situation – A character becomes a liability (physically): Father is blinded by their reflection.

• Reaction – Hide: Father tries to hide from the Detector but gets trapped in a corner when his blind son distracts it.

• MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought: creatures climb onto mobile towers on the mall roof and hang out at night.

ACT 3 – ALL IN LOST

• Full pursuit by the killer: the blind boy protects his baby sister who loves playing games and during hide and seek she peeps from her blindfold and the Detector appears.

• Terrorized: the blind boy protects his sister using his infrared sensor to drive it away but drops the sensor and mistakenly kicks it off the floor trying to retrieve it; they hide behind a chandelier that reflects light and confuses the Detector.

ACT 4 — FULL OUT HORROR

• Fight to the death: Mother hears her daughter’s screams and removes her blindfold to sacrifice herself fighting the Detector to save the kids.

•<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Horror Situation – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Forced into a dangerous environment: Mother steps in front of the kids to save them and removes her blindfold to fight the Detectors

• Reaction – Fight: Mother grabs a baseball bat and swings it at the Detectors and reaches for her gun to shoot it.

•<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Horror Situation – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Dilemma: Who to save: Them or me? Or Person A versus Person B?: Mother decides to save her young girl

• Reaction – Fight: Mother grabs a baseball bat and throws a ball for her blind son to catch. They play ball and she hits the ball into the Detectors enormous eyes.

•<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Horror Situation – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Face to face with the monster: mother to protect her remaining kids

• Reaction – Fight: Mother removes her blindfold to see the Detector and uses her gun to fire at but fails to destroy it.

•<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Horror Situation – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Helping a good person and being attacked: Mother is attacked trying to save her kids

• Reaction – Fight: Mother grabs a steel rod and jams it into the eyes of the Detector after the infrared sensor weakens it

•<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Horror Situation – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>See another killed: young sister watches her mother get killed by the Detector even as her blind brother tries to cover her face.

• Reaction – Hide: Blind brother grabs her and hides behind the chandelier on the floor that reflects light and confuses the Detector

• Hysteria: Kids swing down the floor and the blind boy drives the showroom car blindfolded to their dad up the ramp. Losing his mother, he needs to mend his relationship with his dad to work together.

•<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Horror Situation – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Attacked or chased: blind twin son and young sister chased through the mall corridors

• Reaction – Escape: blind son gets into a showroom car and drives through the mall to their father waiting outside the darkroom and almost crashes into him.

•Horror Situation – Out of the frying pan and into the fire: from the car chase to getting trapped inside the darkroom with a Detector

• Reaction – Hide: Father and kids remove their blindfolds in the safety of the darkroom not realizing they have company

• The thrilling escape from death: Dad locks themselves inside the dark room but the corner allows light in from a crack, the Detector enters the darkened storeroom, it’s a lens store with sunglasses shattered on the floor, the boy finds a magnifying glass and uses it to beam the infrared light into the Detector’s enormous eyes. The father has his shotgun ready.

•<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Horror Situation – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Monster approaching: inside the darkroom, the Detectors enter through the cracks

• Reaction – Try to solve it: Blind son looks for a magnifying glass in the lens store

• Death returns to take one or more: The Detector’s eyes explode, and it collapses but rises again and this time the dad shoots it dead with his shotgun.

• Resolution: More creatures arrive, Dad reloads while son grabs more infrared pens, and younger sister points a walking stick with an infrared sensor like a gun.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Horror Plot

“What I learned doing this assignment is…how to create a basic horror plot and learnt the importance of each act in the structure”.

4-ACT STRUCTURE:

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

• Atmosphere of Evil established: shops inside the mega mall are destroyed and lie derelict and desolate.

• Connect with the characters: teenage twin boys play blindfolded with their younger sister in a dilapidated play area.

• The characters are warned not to do it: teenage boy disagrees with his father that his girlfriend is dead and wants to call her

• Denial of Horror: he tricks his twin brother into hiding a smartphone for him.

• Safety taken away: teenage boy finds the smartphone in the restroom cubicle and turns it on.

• Monster: The nature of the beast: he tries calling his girlfriend on the smartphone in the bathroom cubicle, but he gets devoured by the Detectors.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

• Isolated: cars with corpses pile up outside the mall on the streets, the father drags the batteries from the cars to the generator room to power up the heaters, the mother takes a bath in the tub; the surviving blind twin son feels guilty for surviving and shares a strained relationship with his dad.

• Trapped: blind boy forgets his blindfold and meets the Detector, but it gets distracted and flees when he shines the infrared light sensor of his walker

• Abducted (Scapegoat): he finds a paint shop and brings black paint to create a lightproof dark room for their family meetings, he and his sister finish painting the dark room, but they need to test it; his sister sacrifices her pet hamster blindfolded in a darkened box, they place it in the darkroom and remove its blindfold and wait for the Detector to turn up, their black paint works.

• One of us killed (grieve for lost son): they hold their first family meeting and see each other; father and mother get their alone time to grieve for their lost twin son after 100 days.

• MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought: creatures climb onto mobile towers on the mall roof and hang out at night.

ACT 3 – ALL IN LOST

• Full pursuit by the killer: the blind boy protects his baby sister who loves playing games and during hide and seek she peeps from her blindfold and the Detector appears.

• Terrorized: the blind boy protects his sister using his infrared sensor to drive it away but drops the sensor and mistakenly kicks it off the floor trying to retrieve it; they hide behind a chandelier that reflects light and confuses the Detector.

ACT 4 — FULL OUT HORROR

• Fight to the death: Mother hears her daughter’s screams and removes her blindfold to sacrifice herself fighting the Detector to save the kids.

• Hysteria: Kids swing down the floor and the blind boy drives the showroom car blindfolded to their dad up the ramp. Losing his mother, he needs to mend his relationship with his dad to work together.

• The thrilling escape from death: Dad locks themselves inside the dark room but the corner allows light in from a crack, the Detector enters the darkened storeroom, it’s a lens store with sunglasses shattered on the floor, the boy finds a magnifying glass and uses it to beam the infrared light into the Detector’s enormous eyes. The father has his shotgun ready.

• Death returns to take one or more: The Detector’s eyes explode, and it collapses but rises again and this time the dad shoots it dead with his shotgun.

• Resolution: More creatures arrive, Dad reloads while son grabs more infrared pens, and younger sister points a walking stick with an infrared sensor like a gun.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Characters for Horror

“What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s not enough to have characters that work for the concept but each one must have a specific role that will heighten the audience’s emotional journey.”

• TITLE: Signals

• CONCEPT: A family with no digital footprint stranded in a mega mall in town, must remain blindfolded to survive, where deaf light-sensitive mysterious species gouge the eyes and kill.

GROUP: Social Group (A Family)

DYING PATTERN: B. The characters experience the terror and survive together, but one or two die.

CHARACTERS:

Leader: The father who needs to rise above the loss of his twin son and mend his relationship with the other twin to defeat the monster.

Sacrificial Lamb: the athletic twin son who dies trying to save his girlfriend

Introvert / Loner: twin survivor – who’s blind and has a natural advantage over the monster and figures out the monster’s weakness.

Rescuer: Mother who wants to bring the estranged father and son and, in the end, saves her family by sacrificing herself

Innocent: the younger sister who inadvertently makes situations worse and puts the family at risk

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Terrifying Monster

“What I learned doing this assignment is…that the mythology is only important for the sequel but by knowing the backstory, I was able to tweak my terror and appearance of my monster”.

Monster/Villain: A creature that has photophobia feeds on light sources especially blue LED lights and human eyes that don’t filter it. It’s deaf to all audible sound frequencies and it’s called “the detectors” or “the watchers”.

• Their Terror: They terrorize by feeding on any blue light source especially blue light that passes through the human eyes; they pursue on land, unseen, fast and without warning, they isolate by forcing survivors to be blindfolded to remain undetected and by taking over the town; they cause death by first scanning our eyes to access our memories and then gouging them out to rip us to shreds! What makes them inescapable is that you’re handicapped when blindfolded and cannot see without light while they can travel faster and undetected.

• Their Mystery: What is the weakness of this light-sensitive monster? How many are there?

• Their Fear-Provoking Appearance: Grotesque and disturbing: Evolved from tech-obsessed human and DNA variants induced and fast-tracked by AI they look nothing like humans. The Watchers have enormous eyes with multiple eyelids, no ears, a small brain and thick skulls to protect against radiation, sharp teeth and webbed feet with retractable blade-like claw hands large thumb, long fingers, 90-degree elbow and a hunched back with no neck and no body hair.

• Their Rules: If there is light, especially blue light the watcher will appear; if it can see your eyes, it will scan them and gouge them out and rip you with its blade-like claws, it cannot be killed by ordinary bullets or explosives and is lightning fast in its movements. They can gather others through the AI network at a moment’s notice.

• Their Mythology: “The Detectors” or “The Watchers” are creatures that have evolved from humans who due to overexposure of the human brain to screens and digital technology were infected in a lab with a man-made virus during the 5G era causing a global pandemic. The watchers grew by feeding on mobile signals, blue light emissions, and constant screentime across various parts of the world. With increased screen use by subsequent generations, it evolved as a separate species with digitally encoded DNA variants that AI fast-tracked. The watchers became highly intelligent and started devouring the entire recorded digital memories of the collective human race available on the internet and cloud servers and exhausted them. Now they need memories that are stored within the brains of the human species to survive. Its only weakness is infrared light which can destroy its memories and blow up its brain!

[Sunil Pappu]

A Quiet Place Horror Conventions

“What I learned doing this assignment is… how different the genre conventions are for thriller and horror. Having written only thrillers thus far this was a real eureka moment for me. I also felt that each line of the script heightened one of the primal fears at any given point in time while watching the movie.”

• Title / Concept: A Quiet Place: A family is forced to communicate in sign language to stay alive in a world where noise-sensitive blind creatures kill humans.

• Terrorize The Characters: kills anyone who makes a sound!

• Isolation: alone in a ghost town, the son is trapped in a cornfield, the mute daughter is trapped in the granary, the pregnant wife is trapped in a flooded basement, and a newborn baby is trapped inside a wooden casket with an oxygen cylinder

• Death: Son is killed on the railway tracks

• Monster/Villain: blind noise-sensitive creatures called Death Angels but referred to by survivors as ‘The Creatures” or “The Listeners.”

• High Tension: Son turns on the toy spaceship and gets killed; kerosene lamp shatters and they hear a thud on the roof – racoons that get snatched by the creature, old man in the woods screams seeing dead woman, creature eats old man alive while father protects his son, wife’s pregnant and her water breaks with no one around, steps on a nail and smashes a photo frame that attracts the creature. The creature enters the basement, the alarm bell goes off and she escapes upstairs, son and father see the red lights indicating danger, pregnant wife must deliver her baby without a noise, son lights fireworks to distract the creature, the father runs in with shotgun to save the wife and sees a bloody tub, wife is alive and has given birth, son trapped in the field, daughter is saved by her hearing aid in the field, baby cannot cry, father carries the mother and baby into the soundproof basement, leaves mother and baby to save the kids, flooded basement with mother and baby trapped with the creature, son and daughter fall into the granary and creature jumps in, hearing aid drives away the creature, father saves the kids, mother sees creature swipe his razor sharp claws at father, kids run to hide under truck and creature follows ripping it apart, father screams to attract the creature away and gets killed. Kids start the truck and ride home. Mother takes them inside, in the basement the creature advances towards the mother, mute daughter holds the hearing aid to the microphone and incapacitates the creature, mother kills it with her shotgun. More creatures arrive captured on CCTV. The daughter increases the intensity and the mother reloads her shotgun.

• Departure from Reality: A trip to the grocery store is fraught with danger, boy running on the dirty floor without shoes, walking on gravel without footwear, talking and even arguing in sign language to stay alive, giving birth without making a sound, baby hidden in a wooden casket with an oxygen cylinder and mask, a creature that is blind and can kill with sound.

• Moral Statement: Instincts of motherhood to protect her children can defeat any monster. Parents will sacrifice their own lives to protect their children.

Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great horror film? – With minimal dialogue the film captured the emotions of the characters beautifully. Music and sound effects have been used to heighten the suspense and fear. The first audible dialogue comes at 57 minutes into the film spoken by the mother enquiring about her kids “Where are they?”

Conventions for my story are:

• Title: Signals / The Detectors

• Concept: A family with no digital footprint is separated and stranded across town, taken over by mysterious species that feeds on high-frequency human brainwaves altered by prolonged exposure to mobile signals. They must unite to save the last mobile tower and warn the outside world before being hunted down.

• Terrorize The Characters: feeds on anyone exposed long to mobile signals to alter the brain function and gouges their eyes and feeds on them.

• Isolation: only surviving family of five is separated and stranded inside a mega mall – father at a karaoke bar, mother in the sauna, one twin son with a girlfriend inside a bathroom stall, and younger daughter at the playpen, another son is at the bookstore.

• Death: nightclub patrons are slaughtered, the teen son is killed trying to save his girlfriend calling on her mobile, a movie theatre crowd, car pile up on streets, mother sacrifices her life to save her daughter.

• Monster/Villain: a high-frequency brainwave-detecting creature that feeds on human brains exposed to prolonged mobile signals. It’s called “the detectors” or “the watchers”

• High Tension: teens doing cocaine in a nightclub get decimated by the detectors/watchers, a teen boy is trapped with his girlfriend inside a bathroom cubicle and gets devoured by the detectors trying to call for help; a mob of the detectors enter the movie theatre and go on a rampage; the father hides behind a giant jukebox while the bar is destroyed; cars pileup outside the mall and the watchers feed on people on the streets while the mother is trapped in a sauna; young girl is trapped inside a toy house at the playpen with watchers wait outside, creatures climb onto mobile towers on the roof of the mall and hang at night, only surviving family lives inside the mall and find a way to defeat the watchers using low-frequency analogue tech and nature. The surviving twin son feels guilty for surviving and shares a strained relationship with his dad, losing his mother he needs to mend his relationship with his dad to work together, he protects his baby sister who loves playing mobile games.

• Departure from Reality: family with no digital footprint, creatures detecting people’s brainwaves and feeding on them, creatures that feed on people exposed to mobile signals and hang from mobile towers, family living inside a mall for days.

• Moral Statement: We spend too much time on smart devices, especially the Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids born with AI and smartphones that we might alter our brains permanently to detrimental effect.

[Sunil Pappu]

Hello everyone,

I’m Sunil from India and I specialize in thrillers with strong female leads. I’ve written 7 Spec scripts including two TV pilots. I’m hoping to write my first horror script by the end of this course. I’m also an engineer by qualification and before becoming a full-time screenwriter I worked in Television and produced over a hundred documentaries for National Geographic Channel.

Looking forward to working together with you!

Cheers

Sunil

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil R Pappu

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Outline Version 1

Title: Russian Sniper

Logline: A female CIA sleeper agent escapes the Russian prison and is hunted down by the KGB and soviet military as she is activated for a solo mission to stop KGB Commander Mikhail, her former instructor, from secretly launching a tactical nuclear warhead to win the war on Ukraine.

Action Outline:

1. Opening:

Svetlana is in a prison fight club against a huge opponent who is clearly a favourite. Israeli fighter who supports her warns her not to do it. She is the underdog, but she beats her opponent using Krav Maga’s moves. It’s a fight to the death by any means necessary. She grudgingly earns respect from her fellow inmates, but the Israeli fighter reminds her of her training to correct a few mistakes she made today. Now she has made a few more enemies and revealed herself to be a trained fighter.

Meanwhile, at Langley, CIA has credible sources to take them from DEFCON 3 to DEFCON 2. CIA Director has only one final option, and he authorises a clandestine mission he hopes can lower the threat level.

2. Inciting Incident:

Back in the prison, the guards who bet against her are not very happy with her and chain her up to be interrogated. She escapes her restraints using her wit and cleverly tricks them. They are left chained up instead as she slips out before the CCTV camera captures her face.

KGB surveillance agent alerts Commander Mikhail of a possible facial recognition match to a defected dead agent.

Commander recognises his former student, but his dilemma is whether to go after her as a defector from the KGB and clear his name or stick to his secret mission from the Kremlin.

He puts up an open contract with the prison guards to get the inmates to take her out and bring him proof of death for a million rubles.

Mikhail assembles his team for his secret mission that even the generals are not privy to – to secretly launch a nuclear warhead from a clandestine missile silo.

3. Act 1 Turning Point:

The fight club inmate takes the hit contract put out by the KGB Commander for Svetlana to get even with her for his humiliating defeat. He tries to abuse her but is brutally killed instead.

This triggers her wound from childhood. (in flashes across the remaining ACTS)

She recalls how her father is killed in a Sarov nuclear accident, and she is forced to abandon her plans to go to school. Instead, the KGB recruits her into the Red Sparrow program for teen girls. KGB commander Mikhail is her instructor then, who takes fancy to her and rapes her repeatedly after their martial arts lessons.

She chooses to endure it if it keeps him off from her best friend. But now, having lost her best friend and lover in the last mission and ending up in a Russian prison, she finally is getting a chance to avenge her death.

She is activated by the CIA for a mission she thought would never be sanctioned until now. The Israeli fighter gives her a postcard that has just arrived and asks her: “Time to go?” The postcard is an image of her in KGB training which is code for activation.

Her mission is to stop the KGB commander. But she doesn’t know that his mission is to launch a nuclear weapon that could kill many innocent lives in Ukraine and start a nuclear war with US and NATO.

She escapes from the Russian prison as inmates chase her to win the open contract on her, and prison guards try to stop her. She uses her wit and marksmanship to put into action a plan she worked out many years ago to escape and has been waiting for a green light.

She puts her carefully thought-out plan into action. She gets to a vantage point with a sniper rifle and takes out all the guards. She flips the postcard and examines it under a flame to read coordinates in magic ink and enters them into the computer at the guard station to see the target location of a missile silo and memorizes it. She saves the Israeli fighter and traps the prison inmates in the fight arena and escapes off into the woods.

4. ACT 2: Action-Reaction

Mikhail orders the military canine unit and sends his agents on skis with automatic weapons… who are killed by her bare hands.

The KGB Commander orders more agents and sends assassins into the forest to take her down.

She is chased by assassins on motorbikes airdropped into the forest. … she uses her sniper rifle on the move, quickly moving from one vantage point to the next using the natural terrain… takes out the chopper that blows up and comes down crashing.

Barely escaping the blades, she picks up one of the satellite phones from the dead assassins to threaten Mikhail in Russian that she’s coming for him to teach him a lesson this time. He warns her that she’s a dead woman if she comes after him.

She gets knocked out by a KGB agent, but she gets some help to neutralise him.

She falls through the cracks into the icy lake but is rescued by the ex-military sniper Igor and his rescue dog.

5. Mid-Point:

Svetlana would have drowned in the icy lake if Igor hadn’t shot the assassin and rescued her. Igor is an ex-military sniper who disobeyed his orders to hide out in the forest than fight an unjust war. He doesn’t trust her yet and needs to know who she really is and why she is being hunted down by KGB. Now he is at risk of being exposed. Will he help Svetlana or not?

Svetlana wakes up in bed chained. She becomes alert and looks around and sees no one. She unlocks her cuffs and looks for something to defend herself. Igor is out to get wood to light a fire, and they face off each other first with sniper rounds and eventually in hand-to-hand combat. It’s choreographed to pit them both as equal and is a good matchup. Their meet-cute is a sniper face-off!

Igor reveals that he’s against the war on Ukraine and was ready to end his life as he will be hunted down and hanged once he’s found out. Svetlana seeks his help to take down her nemesis and reveals she has a personal agenda. Igor agrees to help her stop Mikhail, who stands for the rogue regime taking innocent lives on and off the battlefield in this unjust war.

KGB commander knows she has been activated to stop him and wants her dead.

Svetlana gets on a UHF radio to send a distress signal with coordinates she memorised and activates a GPS tracker that is picked up by a CIA post to authenticate and identify her location.

5. Act 3 (rethink everything):

Svetlana and Igor are dropped off by her Mossad friend Yosef on the remote island that hosts an abandoned missile silo.

The military and KGB fortify the missile silo to make it impossible to enter without being detected while they scour the forest.

Mikhail reaches the missile silo and sets up snipers to keep a lookout for Svetlana and take anybody that moves within a mile…

Svetlana anticipates their positions and, with the help of her partner Igor, takes out the first sniper. She uses his position to neutralize the others.

Svetlana takes out the power to the missile silo by making an impossible sniper shot.

She enters the missile silo to stop the launch and shuts off power to the building. She has her sniper scope, and she sets up C4 bombs on the lower deck to ambush the mission platform.

7. Crisis/Dilemma:

One of the snipers goes after Igor and captures him.

She is forced to surrender when her partner Igor is taken hostage and beaten up, and the rescue dog is shot dead by Mikhail in the woods.

8. Act 3 Turning Point:

She is restrained and tortured like a defector to reveal her CIA secrets, and the missile launch is initiated.

Mikhail enters the target coordinates for the tactical nuclear missile launch and initiates the sequence.

9. Climax:

Svetlana breaks out of her restraints, using her escapism skills to kill the agents guarding her.

She takes on the Commander in an ultimate hand-to-hand combat and beats him.

But he manages to escape in a helicopter as bombs go off inside the missile silo, collapsing the structure, but the missile is launched.

Svetlana uses her sniper skills to make an impossible shot at the nuclear missile that is already mid-air through the launch sequence, using an anti-ballistic system to destroy it.

The blast wave takes out the Helicopter carrying Mikhail and his team and blows up in flames.

10. Resolution:

She rushes to save her partner Igor in the woods, whose barely alive.

The other missile launch sites have all been deactivated as well, and Russia is sanctioned heavily by NATO.

Even China condemns its actions of starting a nuclear war and signs onto the UN Treaty for the Prohibition of nuclear weapons.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Fast formatting!

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to use the various formats to write an action scene that is an easy read and has meaning.”

MY ACTION SCENE

Scene Arc: Svetlana is tortured for CIA secrets, but she breaks out and kills the agents to go after KGB Commander to stop the nuclear missile launch

Meaning: this is the climax scene where Svetlana has to believe in herself and face her nemesis and save the world and reunite with her new partner

Pre-Action: Svetlana knows she will eventually break from the torture, and she feels exhausted and resigned to her fate. She will let down the people who trust and believe in her once again.

Action: Svetlana breaks out of her restraints using her Houdini-like skills again and takes out the agents; she goes after Mikhail to stop the nuclear missile launch. Svetlana faces off with Mikhail in hand-to-hand combat. She manages to hit the anti-ballistic missile to destroy the nuclear warhead and blows up the missile silo. The blast wave takes out Mikhail’s chopper.

Post–Action: She must get out of the missile silo quickly to escape the blast and reunite with her sniper friend. She finally has a partner again and will do anything to protect him.

INT. TORTURE CHAMBER – MISSILE SILO – DAY

Svetlana is spread eagle. Hands cuffed to the iron rafter overhead, and her legs spread and cuffed at the bottom to the metal grills on either side.

SWISH. SLASH. SWOOSH.

KGB agent uses a knife to cut her all over her body expertly. Death by a thousand cuts…

…Mikhail steps under the spotlight. KGB agent STOPS! Puts away his knife. Steps back.

She whimpers as Mikhail calmly uncuffs her arms. Then her legs. Deliberately. Slowly.

THUMP!

Svetlana crashes to the floor in a heap.

Mikhail SCRAPES a metal chair and drags it under the spotlight.

The KGB Agent moves forward-

-Mikhail raises his hand-

MIKHAIL

(in Russian, subtitled)

I got this!

Bends to pick up Svetlana and plonks her onto the chair.

He drags another chair and pulls himself close to her…

…knees almost touching-

-taking her right hand into his palm-

She whimpers and jerks her arm-

Mikhail tightens his grip around her elbow and grabs her thumb…

…looking into her eyes…

he smiles slowly-

CRACKLE!

Her bone snaps-

Svetlana manages a smile back.

MIKHAIL

(in Russian, subtitled)

My girl-

SVETLANA

Fuck you-

MIKHAIL

American mouth… but soul still Russian…

Svetlana blinks as he takes her wrist again and moves to her next finger…

MIKHAIL

(in Russian, Subtitled)

Alas! Your trigger finger… you just give me one name for each finger huh?

CLACK! CLACK! CLACK!

-Boots stop as KGB Agent bends to whisper into his ears.

MIKHAIL

(in Russian, subtitled)

Saved by the bell!… I’m not done with you…my girl!

Mikhail kicks off his chair and walks out.

Svetlana is cuffed to the chair.

Loud music blasts from the speakers…flood lights blind her.

INT. LAUNCH PLATFORM – DAY

Mikhail pulls out the launch key from the chain around his neck. General Vasili has the secondary key in hand.

Multiple screens show the missile, the hatch opening and the anti-ballistic missile ready for counterfire, the target location on the map, countdown clock.

LAUNCH CONTROLLER

All crew to return to stations in…10…9….8…

INT. BELOW LEVEL – MISSILE SILO – DAY

Engineers and crew rush to the stations. They check the fuel gauge monitors.

FLIGHT ENGINEER

Fuel ready. SATAN II is a go.

INTERCUT – COMMAND CENTRE / BELOW DECKS OF SILO

LAUNCH CONTROLLER

Telemetry?

TELEMETRY ENGINEER

Telemetry is a go.

LAUNCH CONTROLLER

Comms?

COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR

Comms on standby.

LAUNCH CONTROLLER

Counting down to ignition…in 2 minutes.

MIKHAIL

General?

General Vasili nods and approaches the launch station with his key. Mikhail pulls out his and is ready to insert…

INSERT – IGNITION PANEL SHOWING SLOTS FOR THE KEYS TO LAUNCH THE NUCLEAR MISSILE

LAUNCH CONTROLLER

Commander…

MIKHAIL

On my command…3…2…1

CLICK! CLICK!

Both keys are inserted. Mikhail turns the knob which lights up green.

LAUNCH CONTROLLER

Launch sequence authorized.

CLANK! CLANK! CLANK!

The metallic hatch opens up to reveal the sky…

INT. TORTURE CHAMBER – MISSILE SILO – DAY

Music blaring. the lights are flashing…

OOMPH!

Svetlana whimpers. KGB agent on guard stares at her with a deadpan look.

SVETLANA

(in Russian, subtitled)

Water… please!

KGB agent softens and brings a glass of water…

…Svetlana slides her broken thumb through her cuffs and –

-grabs his hand, twists it behind him-

-slides out the weapon from his holster-

-aims behind her without looking-

BANG! BANG! BANG!

-shoots the other agent.

-grabs this agent as a shield and drags him to the door-

-steps outside…

…two more guards…

BANG! BANG!

Takes them out!

BANG!

Gets rid of the agent and grabs his keycard…

…KLAXON blares! Announcing her escape…

…KGB Agents scramble…guns COCKED. Pour out onto all the floors.

INT. MISSILE SILO – LOWER DECK – CONTINUOUS

Svetlana grabs a coat and slips into the maintenance room.

INT. MISSILE SILO – UPPER DECK – CONTINUOUS

KGB agents run down the winding staircase…

INT. MISSILE SILO – LOWER DECK – CONTINUOUS

Svetlana jumps out trying to blend in…

A KGB agent spots her and rounds the corner…

INT. MISSILE SILO – BOTTOM DECK – CONTINUOUS

Svetlana hides behind a pillar. She spots a detonator and activates it…

…moves on to the next one…

BEEP! BEEP! CLICK!

Sets the next one…

INT. MISSILE SILO – LOWER DECK – CONTINUOUS

BANG! BANG! BANG!

KGB agent spots Svetlana and fires…

…steps below to the bottom deck…

HIS POV: a brick of C-4 is attached to the pillars supporting the missile unit, the pale red light of the detonator glowing…

He takes a step back, lowers his weapons and glances about…

…noticing the RED LIGHTS of a MORE THAN A DOZEN C-4 explosive charges scattered throughout the deck.

CLICK!

Svetlana points her pistol to his temple.

SVETLANA

(in Russian, subtitled)

Drop it!

He puts down his weapon.

WHACK!

Svetlana kicks him down and tackles him in one swift move to the ground-

CRACK!

Breaks his neck… lays him on the floor gently…

DING!

Svetlana sees the elevator door open, and a crew member enters-

-Svetlana slips in-

-elevator doors close.

INT. MISSILE SILO – ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS

Crew member stares as he doesn’t recognize-

-Svetlana pulls out a gun.

SVETLANA

(in Russian, subtitled)

Top deck, please!

Crew member hastily presses his floor-

CREW MEMBER

(in Russian, subtitled)

I don’t… have… authorization-

Svetlana cocks her pistol-

SVETLANA

(in Russian, subtitled)

I hope for your sake-

CREW MEMBER

(in Russian, Subtitled)

…wait! one second…

He grabs the card hanging from her coat pocket… swipes it!

Pushes button. Elevator music PLAYS… they wait awkwardly…

CREW MEMBER

(in Russian, Subtitled)

Please, I won’t tell-

DING!

Doors open on the top deck…

…Svetlana grabs the crew member to shield her as she exits!

INT. MISSILE SILO – UPPER DECK – CONTINUOUS

KGB Agents spot her from across above and rush up the stairs.

BANG! BANG!

Svetlana shoots two shots at the agent-

-crew member dives back into the elevator before it shuts-

-She enters the launch platform. She runs and hides…

INT. LAUNCH PLATFORM – CONTINUOUS

She watches the Command Centre screens…

TICK! TICK! TICK!

…countdown clock ticks down!

CLICK! CLICK!

Svetlana arms her watch to detonate the bombs…

General Vasili is standing on the far deck with Mikhail…

GENERAL VASILI

(in Russian, Subtitled)

Mikhail! I’m not going to stand and watch you-

BANG! BANG!

Mikhail puts two bullets into the General-

FLICK!

-lights a smoke.

BEEP! BEEP!

Svetlana’s watch goes off.

BOOM!

One of the detonators goes off in the bottom deck…

KLAXON blares!

LAUNCH CONTROLLER

We have a breach… missile platform… unstable.

Mikhail rushes to the screen.

MIKHAIL

We have to launch…NOW!

LAUNCH CONTROLLER

But Commander-

MIKHAIL

It’s now or never!

LAUNCH CONTROLLER

Going for launch in 10…9-

WHACK!

Mikhail punches the launch button.

MIKHAIL

(in Russian, subtitled)

No time for this shit!

His POV: sees the missile lift off on the big screen-

-Spots Svetlana under the desk and grabs her-

CLICK!

-Svetlana punches her watch but-

-Mikhail grabs her hand and rips off the watch, and flings it on the ground-

YEEAAH!!!

-Svetlana growls and charges at him-

-knocks him to the ground-

-he twists her around and bangs her to the floor-

PUNCH! PUNCH!

Svetlana punches him in his ribs.

He swings her, and both fall onto the deck…

INT. MISSILE SILO – COMMAND CENTRE – CONTINUOUS

LAUNCH CONTROLLER

All stations. Lock control. Proceed to the exits!

KLAXON blares! WARNING: Missile silo unstable…

Crew and personnel rush to the exits!

KGB AGENT (V.O.)

(into the earpiece, in Russian, subtitled)

Commander, Chopper is ready on the roof.

MIKHAIL (O.S.)

(into the earpiece)

Get everyone out!

KGB AGENT

(into the earpiece)

Commander-

MIKHAIL

(into the earpiece)

Go! I have one last lesson to teach my girl-

SWOOSH!

Svetlana block Mikhail’s blows as she steps backwards…

INT. MISSILE SILO – UPPER DECK CONTINUOUS

JAB! JAB! JAB!

Mikhail takes an unexpected swing from Svetlana as she combines her Krav Maga moves…

He rushes onto her and both roll down…

MIKHAIL

(in Russian)

That’s new! Prison was good for you then…

SVETLANA

(in Russian)

I’m not a weak teen girl anymore…

MIKHAIL

(in Russian)

Yes but still know your weakness, my girl-

PUNCH!

He hits her below her belt and holds her close.

MIKHAIL

(in Russian)

I remember your sweet smell… (inhales deeply)

Svetlana kicks him in the nuts-

SVETLANA

I have been trying to get your stink out of my mind for two decades-

SWOOSH! WOOSH! WHACK!

She uses her Krav maga move to beat him down…

He grabs a metal rod-

MIKHAIL

You are a traitor-

SVETLANA

You are a coward-

She blocks his swings her hands-

CLASH! CLASH! CLING!

-grabs another rod and defends herself-

INT. MISSILE SILO – COMMAND CENTRE CONTINUOUS

On BIG SCREEN: WARNING LIGHTS

AUTOMATED (V.O.)

Time to target 2 minutes!

AUTOMATED (V.O.)

Evacuate! All personnel…structure

Unstable…

INT. MISSILE SILO – BOTTOM DECK CONTINUOUS

BANG! BANG!

C-4 charges go off in a blast and take out the bottom deck-

Crew members scramble-

-Bodies fly in the air-

-burnt alive-

INT. MISSILE SILO – TOP DECK CONTINUOUS

WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!

The helicopter starts up…

Mikhail disarms Svetlana-

-pushes her to the edge with the rod-

-she grabs his face-

MIKHAIL

(in Russian)

You bitch-

-Svetlana scratches his face-

WHUP!

Mikhail swings his rod-

Svetlana swings from the edge and lands on the lower deck.

KGB agent grabs hold of Mikhail’s hand-

Jumps into the chopper-

Chopper takes off-

INT. MISSILE SILO – LOWER DECK – CONTINUOUS

Svetlana drags herself to sit up-

-spots the anti-ballistic missile-

INT. HELICOPTER – CONTINUOUS

Mikhail puts on his headphones.

MIKHAIL

(in Russian, subtitled)

Mission accomplished boys!

KGB AGENT

(in Russian, subtitled)

What about the girl?

MIKHAIL

(in Russian, subtitled)

Don’t worry! She’s not a very good student!

KGB AGENT

(in Russian, subtitled)

You did your best boss-

MIKHAIL

Ha! Ha! (they all laugh)

Chopper banks and lifts off…

INT. MISSILE SILO – UPPER DECK – CONTINUOUS

Svetlana loads the coordinates for the missile…

Her broken thumb hurts-

SVETLANA

(in Russian, subtitled)

Com’on…can’t fail again!

HER POV: she looks through the scope at the nuclear warhead…she aims-

BEEP!

The missile is locked on target!

CLICK!

She presses her trigger finger to fire!

EXT. HELICOPTER – CONTINUOUS

WHOOSH!

Anti-ballistic missile passes by-

MIKHAIL (V.O.)

(into the headphone)

Don’t worry boys! No one can make that-

SWOOSH!

The ballistic missile flies to catch up with the nuclear warhead…

EXT. MISSILE SILO – UPPER DECK CONTINUOUS

HER POV: Svetlana sees the target through the scope…

BOOM! BOOM!

The nuclear warhead gets hit mid-air!

INT. MISSILE SILO – COMMAND CENTRE CONTINUOUS

Big Screen: Missile disintegrates and causes a shock wave!

EXT. HELICOPTER – CONTINUOUS

The shock wave hits the chopper blades-

Chopper swings wildly out of control-

-dives rapidly-

CRASH!

Goes up in flames!

EXT. MISSILE SILO – UPPER DECK CONTINUOUS

BOOM!

Explosions go off inside the missile silo-

The structure crashes down-

Svetlana leaps off the top deck and rolls away-

-silo door drops shut-

BOOM! BOOM!

Explosions go off inside, and the sky turns grey with smoke!

-Svetlana walks out from the rubble-

EXT. FOREST HIDEOUT – CONTINUOUS

Sees movement on the ground-

She rushes to-

HER POV: Igor tied up on the floor. Dead dog bleeds next to him.

Svetlana rushes to-

IGOR’S POV: looks into her eyes and smiles.

IGOR

You came…

Svetlana cradles his face and cries holding onto him.

SVETLANA

Shut up-

They kiss passionately.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Great Action Set Piece!

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to use the steps to create something really unique and with meaning that includes action with emotions and twists to engage the audience”

Pre-Action

Svetlana is being chased by KGB assassins and would have drowned in the icy lake if Igor hadn’t shot the assassin and rescued her. Igor is an ex-military sniper who disobeyed his orders to hide out in the forest than fight an unjust war. He doesn’t trust her yet and needs to know who she really is and why she is being hunted down by KGB. Now he is at risk of being exposed. Will he help Svetlana or not?

Action

Svetlana wakes up in bed chained. She becomes alert and looks around and sees no one. She unlocks her cuffs and looks for something to defend herself. Igor is out to get wood to light a fire, and they face off each other first with sniper rounds and eventually in hand-to-hand combat. It’s choreographed to pit them both as equal and is a good matchup. Their meet-cute is a sniper face-off!

Post-Action

Igor reveals that he’s against the war on Ukraine and was ready to end his life as he will be hunted down and hanged once he’s found out. Svetlana seeks his help to take down her nemesis and reveals she has a personal agenda. Igor agrees to help her stop Mikhail, who stands for the rogue regime taking innocent lives on and off the battlefield in this unjust war.

OUTLINE OF MY ACTION SET

Svetlana wakes up in bed chained. She becomes alert, looks around and sees no one.

Svetlana is held hostage after seeing her take out KGB assassins Igor knows she is dangerous. He sets up booby traps to protect his hideout and has sniper positions scoped out with rifles in place.

Svetlana uses her Houdini-like escape skills to get out of her chains and limps around to find a weapon to go after her captor.

She sees a photo of a Russian military platoon. She can’t tell who her captor is but slips the photograph into her pocket.

She sees sniper rifles and earpieces like the ones worn by the KGB assassins. Svetlana thinks she is being held captive by Russian assassins. Maybe more than one?

Igor is out to get wood to light a fire and is oblivious to his surroundings. Svetlana sees him on a sniper scope and identifies him in the photo with his platoon.

Igor is shocked by the sniper bullet that just grazes past him. It’s a warning shot. It splits a thin wooden splinter in his hands into perfect halves.

Igor knows the forest hideout inside out and surprises Svetlana with his agile moves.

Igor hides and picks up his rifle to fire back at her. He drives her to booby trap her and hits a bullet that drops a net onto Svetlana and traps her.

Svetlana rolls with the net and gets out of it using her escaping skills.

They start with guns, then go-to fists with the Russian martial arts of Systema and end up face-to-face with guns pointed at each other.

She is uncomfortable talking to Igor up close. As a sniper, she hates closed spaces. She disarms his gun and holds him down. Both are suspicious of the other. She gets a sniper rifle and challenges him to a sniper face-off in the snow. They set a timer to go off in 15 minutes to find their positions to hide.

Meet cute: Sniper faceoff – Svetlana and Igor are in the snow, trying to figure out each other on earpieces while they wait patiently for the other to falter and reveal their sniper positions to take a kill shot.

Identity Exposed: Svetlana reveals she is ex-KGB and now works for the CIA

Identity revealed: Igor confesses that he ran away from the Russian invasion of Ukraine.

Trick/Trap: Svetlana uses the snow to create a refracted image of her and escapes the fatal shot from Igor.

Deceived: Igor reveals his position tricked by Svetlana. Svetlana in the end gets Igor in the shoulder, but it’s a clean flesh wound that she nurses him back to health.

They both reveal their stories. Now, they trust each other.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Unique Action!

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to use the brainstorming techniques to find uniqueness in the action by simply asking the questions – What would happen if? Or What haven’t we seen before.”

STEP 1: Places for Uniqueness

1. Environment: Present time: How the Russian War on Ukraine ends; Secret Missile Silo on an Island hidden inside the Siberian Forest.

2. Rules: Conventional Rules of War have been broken when Russia invaded Ukraine; so anything goes in this Rogue war

3. Villain: KGB Commander with an endless supply of highly trained agents who trained the hero in martial arts

4. Mission: to stop the launch of the nuclear weapon and end the war

5. Struggle: Struggle to believe she can beat her master, the villain; to stop the launch of the missile

6. Unique Skillset: excellent marksmanship, sniper shots on the move; marital arts combo of krav maga/systema

7. Meaning: Each step brings her closer to believing in herself

8. Allies: Igor (Ex-military sniper); Israeli fighter

9. Weapon: Guns. Helicopter. Sniper rifles. Timer bombs. Nuclear missile.

STEP 2: STRATEGIES FOR UNIQUENESS

A. What if…?

Struggle/Unique Skillset: what if to stop the nuclear weapon she has to use her sniper skills to shoot the reset button on the nuclear head that is already mid-air through the launch sequence using an anti-ballistic system

B. Take to an extreme

Weapons: Svetlana uses her sniper rifle on the move to take out a target that is also moving at high speed, sometimes even in the opposite direction.

Unique Skillset: She uses her sniper skills to operate an anti-ballistic missile to take out the nuclear missile (ICBM) mid-air.

C. Specific to character or environment

Environment/Unique Skillset: The blanket of snow creates mirages like in a desert and makes it hard to hit targets at long range, even with a sniper rifle. Svetlana uses the natural terrain to get to a vantage point in the trees to set up her shots.

D. Shocking or Surprising

Mission: Svetlana takes out the power to the missile silo by making an impossible sniper shot

E. Go opposite

Mission: She resets the missile target to turn around and destroy the silo itself.

Allies: Israeli fighter turns out to be Mossad undercover agent helping keep an eye on her – a CIA sleeper agent; the Russian ex-military sniper joins the CIA

F. What haven’t we seen?

Unique Skillset: martial arts combo of Russian Systema and Israeli Krav Maga.

Improvements made:

1. Climax: Svetlana uses her sniper skills to shoot the nuclear missile (ICBM) that is already mid-air through the launch sequence, using an anti-ballistic system to destroy it

2. Act 3 (rethink everything): Svetlana takes out the power to the missile silo by making an impossible sniper shot to gain access to it.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Level 3 Action Emotions

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to use danger/excitement to either put the hero’s life at risk or provide relief when the hero is winning and then escalating danger to constantly keep the audience on the edge of the seat with adrenaline causing emotions.”

OUTLINE OF MY SCENE:

Danger: KGB Commander Mikhail orders the military canine unit and sends his agents on skis with automatic weapons… who are killed by Svetlana’s bare hands.

The KGB Commander orders more agents and sends assassins into the forest to take her down.

Adrenaline: She is chased by assassins on motorbikes airdropped into the forest. … she uses her sniper rifle on the move, quickly moving from one vantage point to the next using the natural terrain… takes out the chopper that blows up and comes down crashing.

Excitement: Barely escaping the blades, she picks up one of the satellite phones from the dead assassins to threaten Mikhail in Russian that she’s coming for him to teach him a lesson this time. He warns her that she’s a dead woman if she comes after him.

SCENE:

INT. GUARD ROOM. SIBERIAN PRISON – DAY

A deafening phone rings repeatedly. An injured military guard recovers from the blast and picks up the ringing phone.

MILITARY GUARD

Yes sir. Commander! Will send them!

The phone line goes dead…

EXT. SIBERIAN FOREST – DAY

Svetlana waits as open land covered in snow stretches ahead of her…

Distant barking of dogs… howls get louder.

Svetlana pulls up her tattered boots and stomps into the open field.

A snowmobile jumps off a nearby slope and lands in the snow field.

The canine unit rumbles on behind the ski bikes pulling a sledge with their handlers.

Svetlana speeds up and slips. She scrambles to get up and runs in a zigzag fashion to avoid the bullets.

The riders on snowmobiles continuously fire automatic weapons attached to their bodies.

Svetlana finds a loose log and lobs it at one of the vehicles and then crashes it.

The rider recovers but she tackles him and grabs his automatic rifle to shoot at the other rider heading towards them.

The other snowmobile loses control and crashes into the first rider. Svetlana jumpstarts the first snowmobile and takes off.

The canine unit gains ground on her, and they trap her from the other side. She gets to the end of the field which is at the cliff edge and jumps off the vehicle at the last instant and grabs a rock to hang off the edge.

The dogs stop in time, but their handlers are thrown off the sledge and down the cliff to their deaths.

Svetlana looks into the fierce eyes of the lead dog, and he slows relaxes his breath. She grabs the dog’s harness and pulls herself back up. She gets into the sledge and rides into the forest.

A helicopter banks and hovers close to the ground. Assassins on motorbikes jump off into the forest to chase after Svetlana.

ASSASSIN # 1 (O.S.)

(into a Sat phone strapped to his bike handle)

The Eagle team has landed. Over.

KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL (V.O.)

Go for the kill. Over and Out.

The motorbikes race through the forest. Svetlana leaves the sledge and climbs up into a tree. She pulls out her rifle and sets it up. She waits…blows a dog whistle…

The first motorbike is blinded by the charging dogs and hits his body against a low branch and gets knocked down.

The second biker comes through, and Svetlana spots him through her rifle scope and takes him out. Two more come through but one of them gets a shot at her arm and knocks her down from her perch.

Svetlana crashes and lands near the motorbike and gets on it. She turns and races into the forest as the gunner in the heli spots her racing off and starts shooting through the trees. The last motorbike chases after her shooting with his automatic.

Svetlana spots high ground ahead and races to gain a vantage point.

The motorbike behind her catches up with her as her bike jumps off a slope and lands on a frozen lake.

She skids under the other bike and knocks it down.

They fight hand-to-hand on the frozen lake, and she defends herself using Krav maga moves to his Systema. She pulls out an unexpected move and the floor cracks. The fighter tries to grab her, but she kicks him down and rolls off to the side.

The heli gunner spots her and runs her down with machine gun fire. She races zig-zagging through the ice as the heli banks to take a turn. Pulling her rifle strapped to her back, she quickly sets up a sniper shot on the move and takes out the rotor. The second shot takes out the tail, and the heli goes into an uncontrolled spin and crashes into the frozen lake. The parts come apart raining down at her and cracking the ice.

A blade slices through the ice and stops short of Svetlana’s face.

She hears a muffled voice on the satellite phone strapped to the fallen motorbike and picks it up. The rider is not in the lake…

SVETLANA

(in Russian into the Sat phone)

I’m coming for you, Mikhail!

KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL

(in Russian into the Sat phone)

Sveta… I told you to get out of the country… now it’s too late for you my girl…

SVETLANA

(into the Sat phone)

My turn to teach a lesson Comrade!… Don’t call me your girl!

KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL

(into the sat phone)

You still have much to learn dear…

Sudden under her feet… she stares into the eyes of the assassin. The ice cracks and she falls through. The assassin grabs her and strangles her in the freezing water. He pushes her down and climbs out of the lake before he’s frozen to death. Svetlana loses consciousness and sinks deeper under the ice…

She faintly hears as everything goes into a haze: A sniper shot go off. A rescue dog’s muffled pants…water splashes as a body is being pulled out of a lake…a Military man’s face she’s never seen before…calling out to her…his lips move, but no sound comes out.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Level 2 Action Emotions

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to create a scene using all three emotions of surprise, shock and suspense and take a dull scene to make it more interesting.”

OUTLINE OF MY SCENE:

Surprise: KGB snipers are placed all around the missile silo covering all the angles for entry and exit to the silo. Svetlana using her scope, sees movement and follows it with her scope. She confirms the location of the sniper on her radio with Igor. Igor creates a distraction using a dummy, and the sniper fires. Svetlana takes out the sniper. Igor moves to his position instead and responds on the enemy radio to confirm his kill.

Shock: Igor takes out one sniper after another as Svetlana makes her way into the silo and starts setting up detonators on timers inside, breaching the perimeter and setting off an alarm that activates the silo to auto-lock all exits and rolls down the metal shutters, close. Meanwhile, Igor is spotted by the last KGB sniper as he checks in with Svetlana if she’s inside safely. When he rechecks his scope, the KGB sniper is gone. He looks around, turning his scope and hears a rifle cock behind him. He turns around and gets knocked to the ground with the butt of the rifle. Svetlana calls on the radio and gets no response… she hurries as she moves up the levels towards the launch platform.

Suspense: KGB Commander Mikhail is alerted of the breach, and the surveillance monitor captures Svetlana hiding her face as she moves across the camera. He pauses and zooms in to recognise her face and smiles. He orders the guards to look for her and capture her. Meanwhile, the KGB sniper radios in, and Mikhail leaves the silo using an underground exit which he asks the guards to close behind him. His fingerprints and eye scans are the only ones that can reopen the doors. The agents and military guards search the silo on all levels. Svetlana hurries up as she goes back to change the timers to go off sooner. She rushes around and sets up sniper rifles at vantage points. The guards are on her level and cross just behind her as she hides inside a missile storage unit.

Large empty crates are knocked down one by one. Svetlana grips the gun tightly as they come closer. Will they catch Svetlana? Meanwhile, outside, Igor is on his knees as a man stands over him with his gun pointed at his head. Mikhail picks up the fallen radio and speaks into it to catch the attention of Svetlana. A rescue dog growls as she is caught in a trap with her leg bleeding… Svetlana can hear the muffled sounds, and the guards stop to listen to her soft sobs. Mikhail picks up his pistol and shoots the dog dead! Svetlana drops her gun and the radio as she hears the loud bang! Mikhail’s voice comes over the radio again, telling her to surrender or it’s going to be her friend next. Igor tells her to get the job done and not worry about him and spits on the boots of the man hovering over him. He takes a kick in his groin and curls up onto the floor in agony. Svetlana steps out and drops her gun to surrender as the guards grab her.

SCENE:

EXT. OUTSIDE MISSILE SILO – DAY

KGB SNIPERS are strategically hidden around the missile silo covering all the angles for entry and exit to the silo.

KGB SNIPER # 1 (O.S.)

(into radio)

North entrance. Clear.

KGB SNIPER # 2 (O.S.)

(into radio)

You have to be crazy to wander into this cold weather. We are just wasting time.

KGB SNIPER # 1 (O.S.)

(into radio)

Do you have somewhere else to be?

KGB SNIPER # 2 (O.S.)

(into radio)

Yeah, a girl is waiting at the club!

KGB SNIPER # 1 (O.S.)

(into the radio)

You mean your sister-in-law? (laughs)

KGB SNIPER # 3 (O.S.)

(into the radio)

Ok, boys, cut it out!

Svetlana using her scope, sees movement and follows it with her scope.

SVETLANA

(into the radio)

Got him! Ready for my shot.

IGOR (O.S.)

(into the radio)

Copy that. I’m in position.

SVETLANA

Release the dummy.

IGOR

Copy. Releasing dummy.

Igor creates a distraction using a dummy, and Sniper # 1 fires. Svetlana takes out the sniper instead.

SVETLANA

Got him.

KGB sniper # 1 stops laughing abruptly.

KGB SNIPER # 3

What was that? Did anyone take a shot?

KGB SNIPER # 2

Negative 2.

KGB SNIPER # 3

Copy 2. 1 come in?

Igor moves to Sniper # 1 position and responds.

IGOR

(into the radio)

1 affirmative. I think I got one.

KGB SNIPER # 3

Be alert. There are more boogies.

IGOR

Ya. Copy 1. Out.

Igor unplugs the radio from the sniper and moves him out of his way.

IGOR

(into his radio)

Lana. North Entrance clear.

Svetlana packs up and grabs her rucksack. She slides out from the woods. She finds a scientist smoking outside and approaches him for a smoke, and pulls a gun on him. She grabs his credentials and enters the silo. She dumps the scientist in a restroom and ties him up before propping him onto a seat and bangs the cubicle door shut behind her. She walks out in the lab coat wearing his glasses.

INT. MISSILE SILO – DAY

Svetlana pulls out detonators and fixed the timer to the bomb, and starts planting them on the installations.

SVETLANA

(into the radio)

I’m in.

Outside, Igor smiles.

IGOR (O.S.)

(into the radio)

I never doubted you. Outside perimeter. Last position… to secure

He looks through the scope and finds the Sniper position abandoned. He scans the area… behind him, a GUN COCKS!

KGB SNIPER # 3 (O.S.)

Looking for me?

Igor turns around and gets knocked out by the butt of the rifle.

INTERCUT – INSIDE / OUTSIDE MISSILE SILO

Svetlana walks past a camera and tries to hide her face. The alarm inside the Silo goes off, and the shutters roll down.

Inside the Launch Command Centre…

Mikhail heads to the surveillance monitors and scans the videos. He sees the tape rewind and catches Svetlana crossing in a hurry…

KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL

Stop! Go back…

The tape rewinds, and Svetlana comes into view, but the image is grainy.

KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL

Can you enhance it…

The grainy image gets clearer. Mikhail smiles.

KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL

Print it! Everyone, we have an intruder. Find her! NOW!

He pulls out his pistol to head down to the lower levels. His radio BUZZES…

KGB SNIPER # 3 (V.O.)

(into the radio)

Commander. We’ve got an accomplice.

Mikhail stops and changes direction. He gets into a private lift and uses his fingerprints to push a button for an underground floor, and swipes his card to authorize it.

Svetlana sees agents heading into her level and quickly scrambles to reset the timers to go off sooner. The guards stop and listen. They start to carefully search the place that is full of empty cartons like the one Svetlana is hiding inside.

Mikhail steps out of the lift and walks into a parking garage. He pulls off the covers on a snowmobile and gets it. He activates the automatic exit doors to open.

Svetlana checks her rifle and finds a tiny hole to look out. The agents surround her and sweep the storage room.

Mikhail leaps into the air on his snowmobile as the doors open just enough for him to skid out and he races down the slopes.

KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL

(into his radio)

I’m coming to you. Keep him there.

KGB SNIPER # 3 (V.O.)

(into radio)

Copy that. Commander.

The guards knock down a few empty cartons and close in on Svetlana’s position. Svetlana fires. She shoots at the agents before they can get to her position and jumps out and runs up the levels fighting her way, and hides in a dark missile test chamber.

Guards scramble after her, and she shuts them out. They run to get the keys and call in reinforcements. More agents arrive.

Mikhail shuts off his snowmobile and gets down. He walks towards a camouflaged shack. Igor is kneeling as a man is standing over him. He steps aside to reveal Igor’s face to Mikhail and lifts his gun to point it at Igor’s head. Mikhail picks up the fallen radio…

KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL

(into the radio)

Sveta… I warned you not to come!

Svetlana stops struggling to close the missile chamber. Outside, the agents get a battering ram and start pounding the door open.

A rescue dog growls as she is caught in a trap with her leg bleeding… Svetlana can hear the muffled sounds.

Mikhail picks up his pistol and shoots the dog dead!

Svetlana shuts her ears as she hears the loud bang! Mikhail’s voice crackles over the radio…

KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL (V.O.)

(into the radio)

Poor dog! It was suffering… you know I had to… ask your friend…

SVETLANA

(into the radio)

Leave him out of it… it’s me you want…

KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL

(into the radio)

There is my girl…

Igor grabs the radio and shouts…

IGOR

(into the radio)

Lana! Get the job done!… I was going to end it anyway…

Svetlana plugs her earpiece back in as she sobs…

SVETLANA

(into the radio)

No Igor. I can’t lose you…

KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL

(into the radio)

Ha! Failing to protect your friends again… Sveta…

The missile chamber door gives, and the agents storm in, pointing their guns at her.

KGB AGENT # 1

Drop your weapon. Get down! Now!

Svetlana drops her gun and kneels down.

SVETLANA

(into the radio)

Sorry, Igor…

Igor agitated shouts

IGOR

(into the radio)

No Lana! Burn it all down! Noo!

He spits on the boots of the man hovering over him and takes a kick in his groin, and curls up onto the floor in agony. Svetlana is handcuffed and dragged out of the chambers.

KGB SNIPER # 3

We have her Commander!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Level 1 Action Emotions

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to get really good at creating fear and anxiety for the hero. I also learnt the importance of relief to heighten the fear and anxiety.”

OUTLINE OF MY OPENING SCENE:

Anxiety: The Emcee makes a joke as he reads the names of the next two fighters at the illegal prison fight club. Svetlana, lean and scrunched up in her corner, is laughed at, and some of the inmates make sexist and rude passes at her. A heavyweight opponent rips off his shirt to reveal his sweaty underwear and pounds onto the makeshift arena as the other inmates cheer him on. Svetlana bandages her fists with cloth strips. An Israeli fighter in her corner helps her. He tells her this is her last chance to back out, but she pushes him away. Her opponent pounds his chest, stares into her eyes and shakes his head. The Israeli fighter makes a bet and gets mocked for wasting his rations on a girl!

Fear: The fight begins, and her opponent swings at her and catches her in the face and knocks her back. She is pushed into a corner, and her blows don’t seem to make a dent. The Israeli fighter in her corner signals her to go now.

Relief: Svetlana makes her move and knocks the fighter to the ground and sits on his face. The fighter groans as she cracks his leg. The crowd goes silent! There is an uproar as she remains unbeaten. The Israeli fighter lifts her onto his shoulders and grabs his winnings before escaping the arena.

INT. PRISON DINING AREA. FIGHT CLUB – MIDNIGHT

The dining area looks like a WWE arena with the table joined in the centre for a makeshift ring. Inmates crowd around it on chairs and benches. The names of the fighters are on the blackboard where the daily menu is written. EMCEE, a lean man with a limp, takes bets in the corner. Prison supplies are the only currency here.

EMCEE

Any more bets?

A sinister-looking inmate bangs his fists on a table.

EMCEE

Comrade Ivan? Do you have any items to bet…

SINISTER INMATE lifts a bench he is sitting on and smashes it onto the ground splintering off its legs.

SINISTER INMATE

On Vlad…

EMCEE

Comrade Ivan this is not valid …

Sinister inmate grabs a few packets of chips from his SIDEKICK and thumps them down in the corner.

SINISTER INMATE

(growls)

Now I better win!

Emcee pushes the bets into place and gets onto a bench.

EMCEE

Right! Now lets hear it for our next fighter…Lana? Are you sure, dear… this is not the featherweight category!

Svetlana, lean and short, shakes her head as she climbs onto the ring.

SINISTER INMATE

Huh! Should I take my loot already?

Inmates laugh and jeer at her. ISRAELI FIGHTER walks up to Svetlana…

ISRAELI FIGHTER

You don’t have to prove anything… this is going to draw attention.

SVETLANA

That’s the point, Yosef. Go get me some snacks!

The Israeli fighter helps her wrap her fists with cloth strips. He goes up to place his bet and pulls out some chocolates from under his shirt.

SINISTER INMATE

You, jews are really smart!

His sidekicks laugh…

SINISTER INMATE

Do you think that little girl can beat Vlad the terrible? (Laughs)

Israeli fighter smiles. Places the chocolates in the corner.

EMCEE

And now… Vlad the terrible!

VLAD, a heavyweight inmate rips off his shirt to reveal his sweaty underwear and pounds onto the makeshift arena as the other inmates cheer him on.

Svetlana’s scrunched up in her corner alone and looks at the enormous figure looming in front of her.

SINISTER INMATE

Break her neck!…Yeah!

The emcee calls the fighters to the centre. They circle each other…

EMCEE

Let the fight commence!

Vlad swings at her and catches her in the face, and knocks her back. She is pushed into a corner, and her blows don’t seem to make a dent. She is like a tiny fly trying to bite a huge monster.

SINISTER INMATE

Vlad the terrible! Vlad! Vlad!

The inmates start to chant his name… Svetlana is on the ground taking a pounding…

Israeli fighter in Svetlana’s corner signals her to go now.

ISRAELI FIGHTER

Lana! Now!

Svetlana makes her move and knocks the fighter to the ground, and sits on his face. The fighter groans as she cracks his leg. The crowd goes silent! Another clean break! Crowd moans!

EMCEE

And 3..2..1.. We have a new winner!

The crowd goes into an uproar! She rises and kicks Vlad in his groin. Israeli fighter climbs on stage, lifts her onto his shoulders and grabs his winnings before escaping the arena.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Favorite Twists!

“What I learned doing this assignment is that my outline already has many of the twists built-in to it, but by knowing these new ways to brainstorm, I was able to add and tweak them more consciously to create suspense/mystery or surprise into the scenes”

FIVE favourite twists:

1. Unexpected support

Setup: An Israeli fighter roots for Svetlana, the underdog, and gets laughed at for throwing his money away

Twist: She beats her opponent using martial arts Krav Maga and leaves him close to death.

2. Protected

Setup: The Israeli fighter takes all the winnings to her in the form of prison supplies, and she picks up an American peanut butter jar and eats a handful.

Twist: He warns her to watch what she eats before practice the next day.

3. Trap/Trick– Escape

Setup: Prison guards who bet against her are not very happy with her and chain her up to be interrogated.

Twist: She escapes her restraints using her wit and cleverly tricks them. They are left chained up instead.

4. Identity Hidden– Exposed

Setup: CCTV camera captures her face.

Twist: KGB agent alerts Commander Mikhail of a possible facial recognition match to a defected dead agent

Twist: Israeli fighter gives her a postcard that has just arrived and tells her: “Time to go?” The postcard is an image of her in KGB training which is code for activation. She is a CIA sleeper agent.

5. Protected

Setup: She gets knocked out by a KGB agent

Twist: but she gets some help from the sniper to neutralize him.

Twist: She falls through the cracks into the icy lake but is rescued by the ex-military sniper Igor and his rescue dog.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Likability/Empathy/Justification

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to create empathy/distress for my hero and make the audience care for her even if she is going to cause more damage than the other side.”

LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY

A. Other people like or respect the character – She is the underdog in the prison fight club but she beats her opponent and earns respect from the inmates

B. The character shows love for something – She cares from her fellow inmate and instructor and saves him before she escapes into the woods

C. They’re trying to do something good – She is activated to stop a nuclear war that could take many innocent lives

D. Save the cat: rescue or do something good for someone else – the Israeli fighter is saved and she cares about the dog that rescues her from the ice lake.

E. Funny, humorous, witty – She is a escape artist who can trick her opponents while getting out of restraints with ease.

F. Kindness – She cares for her partner and is willing to surrender to save his life

G. Good moral decisions and actions. Being on the right side – will not kill the prison guards as they are just doing their jobs but takes out the assassins sent to kill her. On the right side of nuclear war – has witnessed the horror of the nuclear fallout of Chernobyl that affected her family in Ukraine and now the War on Ukraine was amoral.

EMPATHY / DISTRESS

A. Undeserved misfortune – prison guards beat her up for winning a fight fairly; a contract to kill her is circulated in prison; inmate tries to rape her for beating him at the fight club; CIA abandoned her and left her in Russian prison to rot.

B. External Character conflicts – Russian military is after her; KGB agents and assassins with heavy weapons chase her in Siberia

C. Plot intruding on life – She lost her family and entire childhood when she was inducted into the Red Sparrow program by the KGB. She became a traitor but her adopted country left her in an enemy prison to rot.

D. Moral dilemmas – to sacrifice the Ex-military sniper or complete her mission; to get her personal vendetta or to stop the nuclear war.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make – she must leave the Israeli fighter to defend himself and escape to complete her mission, to implode the nuclear missile on the silo itself.

F. Wound attacked – rape attempt by inmate triggers her trauma as teen when her KGB handler raped her; He is the one she must now stop from launching a nuclear weapon.

JUSTIFICATION

A. The character or their family abused – raped as a teen in the KGB by her handler, who is now the KGB Commander; her father was killed in a nuclear accident; she was recruited into KGB after that and trained in the Red Sparrow program for girls.

B. Threatened by others – inmate in prison ready to rape and kill her

C. The Hero is the victim of attacks – She lost her family, lost her life in prison, and is now on the run from a Russian prison, chased by KGB agents and assassins led by her former teacher and rapist.

D. They’ve suffered major losses – lost family, lost her love, lost the rescue dog, a new friend is beaten to death

E. The Villain or their representatives have trespassed – into the life of her friend who chose to leave the military when Russia invaded Ukraine in an unjust war and hide out in the forest but now, because of her, he is beaten and tortured. They will kill him if she doesn’t surrender.

RUSSIAN SNIPER – WHY WE CARE

We open with her in a prison fight club against a huge opponent who is clearly a favorite. She is the underdog, but she beats her opponent and earns respect from her fellow inmates in the end.

But the prison guards who bet against her are not very happy with her and chain her up to be interrogated. She escapes her restraints using her wit and cleverly tricks them. They are left chained up instead as she slips out before the CCTV camera captures her face.

KGB commander is alerted when a facial recognition match is found for a defected KGB agent. He puts out a contract to kill her, and the guards circulate it among the inmates at the Russian prison.

The inmate she beat in the fight club takes the contract, but he wants to humiliate her first and attempts to rape her. This triggers her wound from childhood.

She recalls how her father was killed in a Sarov nuclear accident, and she was forced to abandon her plans to go to school. KGB recruited her into the Red Sparrow program instead for teen girls. KGB commander was her instructor who took a fancy to her and raped her repeatedly after their martial arts lessons.

She chose to endure it if it kept him off from her other friends. Now having lost her best friend and her lover in the last mission and ending up in a Russian prison, she finally was getting a chance to avenge her friend.

She is activated by her CIA handler, having defected from the KGB. Her mission is to stop the KGB commander from launching a nuclear weapon that could kill many innocent lives in Ukraine and start a nuclear war with US and NATO.

She escapes from the Russian prison as inmates chase her to win the contract, and prison guards try to stop her. She uses her wit and marksmanship to put into action a plan she worked out many years ago to escape and has been waiting for a green light. She cares for her fellow inmate and instructor in Krav Maga and saves him before she escapes into the woods.

She is now chased down by KGB agents and assassins as the Commander wants her dead.

Now we care for her to live and outsmart him and fulfil her mission, even find love again and get reinstated as a CIA agent.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Story Map

“What I learned doing this assignment is to identify the three tracks and merge them to map the story and form the new structure.”

1. Opening:

Action 1: An illegal fight club inside the prison pits Svetlana against a giant inmate with seemingly good odds of a win. An Israeli fighter roots for Svetlana, the underdog, and she beats her opponent using martial arts Krav Maga and leaves him close to death.

Mission 1: The Israeli fighter takes all the winnings to her in the form of prison supplies, and she picks up an American peanut butter jar and eats a handful. He warns her to watch what she eats before practice the next day.

2. Inciting Incident:

Action 2: The prison guards who lost their bets decide to teach her a lesson and put her in restraints and interrogate her to find out who she really is. She breaks out of her restraints and almost chokes them to death. She is caught on the CCTV camera.

Villain 1: KGB agent alerts Commander Mikhail of a possible facial recognition match to a defected dead agent.

Villain 2: To go after her as a deflector from the KGB and clear his name or stick to his secret mission from the Kremlin.

Villain 3: He puts up a contract with the prison guards to get an inmate to take her out and bring him proof of death.

3. Act 1 Turning Point:

Action 3: An inmate takes the hit contract put out by the KGB Commander for Svetlana to get even with her for his humiliating defeat in the prison fight club. He tries to rape her but is brutally killed instead.

Mission 2: She is activated by the CIA for a mission she thought would never be sanctioned until now. The Israeli fighter gives her a postcard that has just arrived and tells her: “Time to go?” The postcard is an image of her in KGB training which is code for activation.

Action 4: She puts her carefully thought-out plan into action. She gets to a vantage point with a sniper rifle and takes out all the guards. She flips the postcard and examines it under a flame to read coordinates in magic ink and enters them into the computer at the guard station to see the target location of a missile silo. She saves the Israeli fighter and traps the prison inmates in the fight arena and escapes off into the woods.

Villain 4: Mikhail orders the military canine unit and sends his agents on skis with automatic weapons… who are killed by her, and a sniper in the woods who is an ex-military fighter Igor who went into hiding because he doesn’t believe in the war on Ukraine.

Action 5: The KGB Commander orders more agents and sends assassins into the forest to take her down.

Action 6: She is chased by assassins on motorbikes airdropped into the forest. … she uses her sniper rifle on the move, quickly moving from one vantage point to the next using the natural terrain… takes out the chopper.

Villain 5: She uses one of the sat phones to threaten Mikhail in Russian that she’s coming for him to teach him a lesson this time. He warns her that she’s a dead woman if she comes after him.

Action 7: She gets knocked out by a KGB agent, but she gets some help from the sniper to neutralize him.

Mission 3: She falls through the cracks into the icy lake and is rescued by the ex-military sniper Igor and his rescue dog.

4. Mid-Point:

Mission 4: An Ex-military sniper saves her and team up with her against the KGB assassins.

Villain 6: KGB commander knows she has been activated to stop him and wants her dead.

Mission 5: The military and KGB fortify the Missile Silo to make it impossible to enter without being detected while they scour the forest.

Action 8: Mikhail reaches the missile silo and sets up snipers to keep a lookout for Svetlana and take anybody that moves within a mile… Svetlana anticipates their positions and, with the help of her partner Igor, takes out the first sniper. She uses his position to neutralize the others.

Action 9: She enters the missile silo to stop the launch and shuts off power to the building. She has her sniper scope, and she sets up shots and is ready to ambush the enemy.

5. Crisis/Dilemma:

Villain 7: One of the snipers goes after Igor and captures him. Mikhail beats him and lets Svetlana hear him shoot and kill the rescue dog (the one that saved Svetlana).

Action 10: She is forced to surrender when her partner Igor is taken hostage and beaten up, and the rescue dog is shot dead by Mikhail in the woods.

6. Act 2 Turning Point:

Action 11: She is restrained and tortured like a defector to reveal her CIA secrets, and the missile launch is initiated.

Villain 8: Mikhail enters the target coordinates for the tactical nuclear missile launch and initiates the sequence.

7. Climax:

Action 12: Svetlana breaks out of her restraints to kill the agents guarding her.

Mission 6: She takes on the Commander in an ultimate hand-to-hand combat. She changes the missile target just in time to implode the missile silo on itself.

8. Resolution:

Mission 7: She rushes to save her partner Igor in the woods whose been kept barely alive. The other missile launch sites have all been deactivated as well, and Russia is sanctioned heavily by NATO. Even China condemns its actions of starting a nuclear war and signs on the UN Treaty for the Prohibition of nuclear weapons.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Action Structure!

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to identify the structure points for my story using the three tracks and also identify the major turning points for the story to fit into the genre conventions.”

3-ACT STRUCTURE:

1. Opening: An illegal fight club inside the prison pits Svetlana against a giant inmate with seemingly good odds of a win. An Israeli fighter roots for Svetlana, the underdog, and she beats her opponent using Israeli martial arts Krav Maga and leaves him close to death. The Israeli fighter takes all the winnings to her in the form of prison supplies, and she picks up an American peanut butter jar and eats a handful. He warns her to watch what she eats before practice the next day.

2. Inciting Incident: The prison guards who lost their bets decide to teach her a lesson and put her in restraints, and interrogate her to find out who she really is. She breaks out of her restraints and chokes them to death. She is caught on the CCTV camera. KGB agent alerts KGB Commander Mikhail of a possible facial recognition match to a defected dead agent.

3. Act 1 Turning Point: An inmate takes a hit contract put out by the KGB Commander for Svetlana and get even with her for his humiliating defeat in the prison fight club. He tries to rape her but is brutally killed instead. The Israeli fighter gives her a postcard that has just arrived and tells her: “Time to go?” She puts her carefully thought-out plan into action. She gets to a vantage point with a sniper rifle and takes out all the guards. She flips the postcard and examines it under a flame to read coordinates in magic ink and enters them into the computer at the guard station to see the target location of a missile silo. She saves the Israeli fighter and traps the prison inmates in the fight arena and escapes off into the woods.

4. Mid-Point: An Ex-military sniper saves her and joins her to team up against the KGB assassins. KGB commander knows she has been activated to stop him and wants her dead.

5. Crisis/Dilemma: One of the snipers goes after the Ex-military sniper and captures him. Mikhail beats him and lets Svetlana hear him kill the rescue dog (the one that helped save Svetlana).

6. Act 2 Turning Point: Svetlana is captured and tortured, and the missile launch is initiated.

7. Climax: Svetlana breaks out of her restraints to kill the agents guarding her and takes on the Commander in an ultimate hand-to-hand combat. She changes the missile target just in time to implode the missile silo on itself.

8. Resolution: She rushes to save her partner in the woods whose been kept barely alive. The other missile launch sites have all been deactivated as well, and Russia is sanctioned heavily by NATO. Even China condemns its actions of starting a nuclear war and signs on the UN Treaty for the Prohibition of nuclear weapons.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Action Track!

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to know the purpose for each action scene, to make the action track truly meaningful and exciting”

A. Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up in this movie?

Escape/Evade, Chase/Pursuit, Fight, Shootout, Rescue, Competition, Dangerous Situations, Interrogation & Torture

B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track?

Competition: prison fight club – beats an inmate using Krav Maga; Interrogated by the prison guards, Escape/Evade from prison, Chase/Pursuit by the military, Fights KGB agents, Shootout with assassins, Rescue by an ex-military sniper, Shootout with snipers, Dangerous Situations – enter a heavily guarded missile silo while her rescuer, an ex-military sniper, is beaten and his dog shot dead, captured and tortured, escapes and fights hand to hand combat

C. How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a climax in the 3rd Act?

ACT 1 – competition in the prison with krav maga fighter, interrogation by prison guards, fight with inmates, escape/evading from prison, chase/pursuit by canine units, shootout with assassins on skis, and motorbikes

ACT2 – rescue by an ex-military sniper, sniper face-off with KGB agents, breaks into the missile silo, hunter captured and beaten, rescue dog shot dead

ACT 3 – evades and fights her way in, surrounded by the enemy on multi-levels, she is trapped, captured, tortured, escapes and fights, ultimate face off with the villain, blows up the silo and rescues ex-military sniper.

ACTION TRACK:

1. COMPETITION: An illegal fight club inside the prison pits Svetlana against a giant fighter with seeming odds of a win. An Israeli fighter roots for Svetlana the underdog and she beats her opponent and leaves him close to death.

Purpose: to establish illegal gambling and fighting inside Russian prisons and lax guards. Also to show glimpses into Svetlana’s unique martial arts skills in Krav Maga.

2. INTERROGATION: Svetlana is restrained by prison guards. She catches them off guard and using her skills breaks free from her restraints to choke them to death.

Purpose: She also has Houdini-like skills in escaping from restraints. Her face is captured on CCTV.

7. FIGHT/EVADE: An inmate takes the contract to kill Svetlana, but he wants to humiliate her first for beating him at the fight club. This time he is armed and has help from the guards. They restrain her, and he tries to force himself on her. She kills him brutally and escapes. Fighting her way out.

Purpose: This exposes her wound of being raped by the commander. But now, she is fully prepared to defend herself, even ready to kill if necessary. This rekindles her rage, and she goes berzerk. This sets up her need to be on the run.

8. ESCAPE/SHOOTOUT: She fights her way out. She gets to a vantage point and uses her marksmanship to take out all the guards and throws the prison gates open as the fight club resumes with the winner having to fight to the death.

Purpose: She has unique sniper skills on the move. She anticipates their moves and knows how the prison system works. She has been studying ways to escape if she needs to and bidding her time to do that. She could have left the prison anytime she wanted. Establish that she is not a normal prisoner but, in fact, a highly trained spy with a unique set of skills.

9. CHASE/PURSUIT: She is chased by the canine unit of the Russian military into the woods… she confuses them and befriends one of them. The minders are left unconscious.

Purpose: To set her off on the run and draw the KGB Commander to send his team in to deal with her. She has her own set of moral codes.

10. THE ORDER: The KGB Commander orders his agents and sends assassins into the forest to take her down.

Purpose: Insight into the Villain. He instantly wants her dead. Why? Shows the stakes for Svetlana.

11. SHOOTOUT/DANGEROUS SITUATIONS: She is hunted down by KGB agents on skis strapped with automatic weapons and chased by assassins on motorbikes airdropped into the forest. She takes them down, but she gets some help.

Purpose: Establish a fellow sniper, her love interest. Two people who need each other.

12. SNIPER AMBUSH: She is ambushed outside the missile silo, but she is prepared for it. There is a sniper face-off, and she gets her mark and slips away, but her friend is ambushed.

Purpose: Hero against villain’s representatives. Svetlana up against sniper agents with orders to kill her. Cool scene to watch. Twist in the end with her friend ambushed. Increases stakes.

13. BREAK IN: She enters the missile silo to stop the launch and shuts off power to the building. She has her sniper scope, and she sets up shots and is ready to ambush the enemy.

Purpose: Insight into the hero. She can outsmart the villain.

14. CAPTURED: She is forced to surrender when her partner is taken hostage and beaten up, and the rescue dog is shot dead by Mikhail in the woods.

Purpose: Hero has a moral code, and she is loyal to her friends, and her friend will die to protect her.

15. TORTURED: She is restrained and tortured like defectors to reveal her CIA secrets.

Purpose: The villain will stop at nothing to see her dead, but he wants to have fun watching her suffer for the humiliation he caused her by defecting to the enemy.

16. ESCAPE: She escapes from her restraints and kills the agents on guard.

Purpose: Insight into Hero. She is an escape artist. She will do anything to fulfil her mission.

17. HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT: She fights the ultimate fight to beat her own teacher using new methods she learned along the way. Leaves him to die in the missile blast and fire as she changes the target to the silo itself.

Purpose: She gets her revenge. But she still wants him to suffer the most horrific death for his mistakes.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Villain Track!

“What I learned doing this assignment is to think about what the villain’s plan would be if the hero didn’t interfere and also come up with a version 1 plan for improvisation once the hero starts to dismantle the villain’s carefully constructed plan.”

A. What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero? The plan could be pre-existing or created on the spot.

Mikhail and his KGB men have been tasked with launching tactical nuclear weapons to win the war on Ukraine, but they have to do it without detection from the NATO and US forces and spies. When a sleeper agent is activated and tries to stop their plans and fulfil a personal vendetta, the KGB commander is ready to send his men to kill her and eventually take her on himself.

B. How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?

Mikhail sends his KGB canine unit after her into the woods; then he sends a team on ski bikes with automatic weapons to hunt her in the ice; he then sends an aerial team to assist assassins on motorbikes air-dropped to comb the forest; around the perimeter of the missile silo installs his best snipers to spot her and take her out; tortures a hunter who rescues her in the woods and kill a dog to lure her out; captures her inside the silo and tortures her; fights hand to hand combat in the end

C. What advantage does the Villain have, and how can they exploit that in this movie?

He is KGB Commander for this secret mission and has highly skilled KGB agents and assassins in his team; he has a loyal team of trained snipers to protect the missile silo; he has an unlimited supply of automatic weapons and explosives, Russian military taking orders and even prison guards who award hit contracts to inmates.

D. What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain where they pay for what they’ve done?

The villain and his team are burnt in the blast at the isolated missile silo when the missile target is changed to the fire on itself.

VERSION 2 PLAN: The villain had a secret plan to launch a tactical missile undetected by US and Nato allies to win the war on Ukraine by taking out key installations, followed by a series of attacks to escalate into an all-out war on neighbouring NATO countries and an ICBM launch from a submarine on the US. The orders come directly from the Kremlin and even the generals are unaware of this secret mission.

VERSION 1 PLAN: When the hero escapes prison and tries to stop the launch, the villain must teach a final lesson to his old student from KGB on might and loyalty.

VILLIAN: Mikhail Vasiliev

HERO: Svetlana Irumov

Mikhail’s plan is revealed through the following decisions and actions that he and his team take:

1. SKIRMISH: Svetlana fights with an inmate and is caught on a camera.

2. DETECTION: KGB agent alerts Mikhail when their facial recognition hits a match for a defected agent Svetlana

3. DILEMMA: To go after her as a deflector from the KGB and clear his name or stick to his secret mission from the Kremlin.

4. HIT CONTRACT/KILL HER: He puts up a contract with the prison guards to get an inmate to take her out and bring him proof.

5. MISTAKE: A prison inmate who takes the contract tries to rape Svetlana, and the guards join in, but she takes them hostage and takes over the weapons and uses her skills to take out anyone from her post with her sniper gun. KGB Commander is alerted of the prison skirmish and escape.

6. DECISION/KILL HER: Mikhail orders the military canine unit and sends him agents on skis with automatic weapons… who are killed by her, and a hunter in the woods who is an ex-military fighter who went into hiding because he doesn’t believe in the war on Ukraine.

7. BIGGER HIT CONTRACT: Aerial unit drops assassins on motorbikes into the forest to chase her down… she uses her sniper rifle on the move, quickly moving from one vantage point to the next using the natural terrain… kills them all and takes out the chopper.

8. BAITED: She uses one of the sat phones to threaten Mikhail in Russian that she’s coming for him to teach him a lesson this time. He warns her that she’s a dead woman if she comes after him.

9. NEW PLAN/SHOOT TO KILL: Mikhail reaches the missile silo and sets up snipers to keep a lookout for Svetlana and take anybody that moves within a mile… Svetlana anticipates their positions and, with the help of the hunter, takes out the first sniper. She uses his position to neutralise the others.

10. RETALIATION: One of the snipers goes after the hunter and captures him. Mikhail tortures him and lets her hear him kill his dog (the one that helped rescue Svetlana).

11. CAPTURE: Inside the missile silo, his team sets a trap for Svetlana. She is captured, and Mikhail returns to torture her to find out whom she works for etc.…. She uses her evasion skills to get out of her cuffs and takes out the agents.

12. MISSILE LAUNCH: Mikhail enters the target coordinates for the tactical nuclear missile launch and initiates the sequence.

13. FITTING END: She and Mikhail get into hand-to-hand combat, and he uses systema to beat her down. He was her teacher and still knows her weaknesses… but Svetlana uses the newly acquired skills of Krav Maga to surprise him and beat him in the end. She changes the coordinates of the missile launch to blow up the missile silo … escapes into the forest and saves the wounded hunter.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Hero’s Mission Track

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to identify a clear mission and brainstorm steps to outline an impossible mission from the Hero’s perspective”

A. What is it about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds?

She has a reputation for being a Houdini in escaping from anywhere and entering highly fortified establishments like the Russian Nuclear missile silos and the Kremlin using her expert marksmanship. She is also a master in Krav Maga.

B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal?

One person against the entire Russian military and KGB agents. To neutralize a nuclear weapon launch in the war on Ukraine without starting an all-out war between Russia and the rest of the world

C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero?

Internal Motivation: to exact revenge on her former teacher for rape

External Motivation: The Russian military and KGB agents are going to hunt and kill her!

D. Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain?

Clear Mission: to get revenge by tracking down and killing the KGB commander and his agents to stop the launch of a nuclear weapon

• Motivation: Kill her rapist and stop him from launching a nuclear weapon. Two birds with one stone.

• Inciting Incident: She is activated by the CIA for a mission she thought would never be sanctioned until now.

• First Action: She breaks out of a maximum-security prison in Siberia using her Houdini-like escapist skills and her marksmanship

• Obstacle: The Russian military is hunting her down as she escapes into the forest to shake them off and get to the nuclear missile silo

• Twist: She finds a hunter and uses his help to stock up on weapons and supplies

• Escalation: KGB Agents take over the hunt led by the Commander

• Overwhelming Odds: The military and KGB fortify the Missile Silo to make it impossible to enter without being detected while they scour the forest.

• New Plan: She draws out the KGB agents, killing them one by one and finds an ingenious way to enter and scope the place before she is caught and arrested. The hunter’s hideout is found and taken out by the KGB Commander.

• Full out Attack: She is tortured but finds a way to escape and in hand-to-hand combat with the KGB Commander, kills him. Barely alive, she puts her plan into action and completely destroys the missile silo.

• Success: She covers her tracks and gets out to relay her status to her CIA handler. She hides out in the woods, rebuilding the hideout.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Hero and Villain

“What I learned doing this assignment is to fill in the blanks and then ask the question if X then ___ to make comparisons and improve the Hero and Villain”

Concept: A female CIA sleeper agent escapes the Russian prison and is hunted down by the KGB and soviet military as she is activated to stop Russia from launching a tactical nuclear weapon to win the war on Ukraine.

• Hero Morally Right: She’s trying to stop a nuclear war

• Villain Morally Wrong: to launch a tactical nuclear weapon on innocent civilians

Hero: Svetlana Irumov

• A. Unique Skill Set: skilled in the Russian martial arts (Systema) with modern modifications in Israeli Krav Maga learnt in prison, marksmanship, escape and evasion

• B. Motivation: to get revenge on Mikhail

• C. Secret or Wound: Mikhail raped her during her training as a teen in the KGB

Villain: Mikhail Vasiliev

• A. Unbeatable: As KGB head of unit, he has hundreds of assassins and agents at his disposal; He was Svetlana’s teacher in Russian martial arts

• B. Plan/Goal: use his agents to launch a tactical nuclear weapon

• C. What they lose if Hero survives: he and the other agents die; they lose the war on Ukraine

Impossible Mission

• A. Puts Hero in Action: She escapes from prison, runs and fights

• B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: fight against Russian military and KGB agents and save a country at war

• C. Destroy the Villain: She kills Mikhail and other KGB agents

Improvements:

If Villain is also skilled in Russian martial arts, then Hero has modern modifications of Israeli Krav Maga learnt in the prison in addition to Systema.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Conventions!

What I learned doing this assignment is… to use the creative process of filling in the blanks and then elevating by asking the question: “having to do with this component, what haven’t we seen before?” I also learned to keep the question open as I strengthen the conventions as we go along.

Concept: A female CIA sleeper agent escapes the Russian prison and is hunted down by the KGB and soviet military as she is activated to stop Russia from launching a tactical nuclear weapon to win the war on Ukraine.

Conventions:

Highly Skilled Hero: A female CIA sleeper agent who is an excellent marksman

Demand for Action: escapes Russian prison with the Russian military and KGB agents hunting her down

Mission: to stop Russia from launching a tactical nuclear weapon (Satan 2 missile)

Antagonist: The Russsian KGB commander leading the hunt (who trained her before she deflected to CIA)

Escalating Action: the escape, the hunt and sniper gamesmanship on the move with formidable rivals and agents, including her own teacher

[Sunil Pappu]

Hello everyone!

I’m Sunil Pappu from India.

I specialize in thrillers with strong female leads. I’ve completed five scripts for TV and film. I’ve also done eight paid writing assignments in the last three years.

I’m excited to learn to write great action, and I want to write my first action thriller this year.

Before becoming a full-time screenwriter, I was a TV Producer for a decade and made over 100 documentaries for National Geographic.

I look forward to working with you in this class!

Cheers

[Sunil Pappu]

I, Sunil Pappu, agree to the terms of this release form.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu

I, Sunil Pappu, agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Sunil Pappu]

Hi Lenore,

Thank you for your feedback. Sure I’ll try to condense it further based on your take. That helps.

Cheers
Sunil

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Transformational Journey

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…to create a compelling transformational journey for my protagonist that audiences will care about deeply.”

Title: Decoding Enemy Lines

Genre: War Thriller

High Concept: A female communications expert joins a rebel naval crew to tap undersea cables in a crucial wartime operation during the 1971 Indo-Pak War.

PROTAGONIST: TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY

• Arc Beginning: Ria is a gifted but traumatised radio operator who joins a male-dominated Naval crew as the daughter of a disgraced Naval officer.

• Arc Ending: Ria is the only one who can decipher the complex code that will self-destruct after a single error in translation to pinpoint the D-day of enemy attack that can help save countless lives in the Indo-Pak war of 1971.

• Internal Journey: traumatized by a diving accident, shamed by her disgraced father and ridiculed as a woman who has no place on a naval operation to navigating the male-dominated world to clear her father’s name and overcoming her fear of water to dive into the deep sea to save the day.

• External Journey: from a ridiculed female radio operator with questionable connections to be on the crew to being respected by the crew for her bravery and attention to detail in completing a crucial mission.

• Old Ways:

• Gifted but naïve

• Traumatized by water

• Ashamed of her father’s dishonorable discharge from naval service for desertion during an operation in ‘65 war.

• Doesn’t belong in the male-dominated world

• New Ways:

• Confident and accomplished

• Fearless and brave

• Honors her father’s legacy and gains the respect of her crew

• Operated well in the male-dominated world

AI VERSION:

1. Character Arc:

Arc Begins: Ria is introduced as a highly skilled but emotionally withdrawn radio operator. Her expertise is overshadowed by the dishonor of her father’s legacy. She is fiercely independent, often to her detriment, skeptical of authority, and struggles with claustrophobia which is a metaphor for her trapped feelings about her father’s tarnished reputation.

Arc Ends: By the end of the story, Ria has grown into a leader who trusts her team. She has reconciled with her father’s past and overcome her claustrophobia, symbolizing her newfound freedom. Ria becomes a symbol of hope and honor, both for her country and her personal life.

Improvement: Deepen Ria’s arc by showing subtle changes after each act, emphasizing her increasing trust in others and hinting at her inner healing process. Show her learning to ask for help as a sign of strength, not weakness.

2. Internal/External Journey:

Internal Journey: Ria’s internal journey revolves around overcoming her psychological scars – the claustrophobia representing her internal struggle and her need to clear her father’s name. Her growth involves learning to trust others, and herself, and accepting that her worth isn’t tied solely to her father’s reputation.

External Journey: Externally, Ria is part of a dangerous mission that requires her to use her intellect and technical skills to intercept crucial communications. Her external challenges reflect her internal struggle, as she faces physical confinement and battles to assert her place in a male-dominated environment.

Improvement: Integrate Ria’s internal and external journeys by using her skills and missions as metaphors for her personal growth. As she cracks codes and uncovers plots, she’s also unraveling her own psychological knots.

3. Old Ways/New Ways:

Old Ways: Ria is initially closed-off, her skepticism and independence act as barriers to teamwork. Her fear of confined spaces is debilitating, and she’s fixated on clearing her father’s name to the exclusion of all else.

New Ways: Ria becomes open to collaboration, leading to successful mission outcomes. Her claustrophobia diminishes, signifying a release from the past. She finds value in herself, not just as a vindicator of her father.

Improvement: To improve the depiction of Old Ways/New Ways, show the gradual shedding of her old habits in response to events that challenge her beliefs. Portray her willingness to change as a gradual transformation, with each mission providing a lesson that contributes to her new outlook.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Intentional Lead Characters

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…to create compelling intentional lead characters who fit the high concept.”

Title: Decoding Enemy Lines

Genre: War Thriller

High Concept: A female communications expert joins a rebel naval crew to tap undersea cables in a crucial wartime operation during the 1971 Indo-Pak War.

PROTAGONIST:

• Character: Ria Sarkar

• Role: Radio operator, Rebel naval crew

• Logline: A female radio operator trained as a British spy is enlisted to intercept a top-secret cable between the US and Pakistan during the 1971 Indo-Pak war.

• Unique: to prove her worth in the rebel crew dominated by men and clear her father’s name for a botched operation in the ’65 war.

ANTAGONIST:

• Character: Commander Vikram Singh

• Role: Tactical commander of rebel Naval crew

• Logline: A Pakistan Naval Officer who deserted his ship and reluctantly joined the rebel crew but secretly plots for their mission to fail

• Unique: His hatred for the rebel forces led by the Muslim League for an Independent East Pakistan after losing his sister who joined them in the protests.

TRIANGLE CHARACTER:

• Character: Lt. Rehman Khan

• Role: Diver, Rebel Naval Crew, Ria’s love interest

• Logline: Rehman wants to be on the right side of this war and fight for a free Bangladesh

• Unique: Believes and trusts Ria to risk his life to fulfill his mission even at the cost of disobeying his superior officer Vikram.

CONNECTED CHARACTERS: Captain Anirudh Desai (Rebel ship MV Padma), Secretary Arjun Verma (Intelligence agency mission lead- RAW)

ENVIRONMENT CHARACTERS: Rebel crew seaman, Master’s at arms, Seamen, Cadets, Naval officers, Pakistani frogmen (marine commandos), Foreign Merchant ship captain and crew, local boatsmen, Ship Engineers, etc

AI VERSION:

Genre: War Thriller

Title: Decoding Enemy Lines

Character: Ria Sarkar

Role: Protagonist – Radio operator, RA&W

Journey: Ria must navigate the male-dominated intelligence service while fighting her claustrophobia to decode enemy messages. Her journey is about overcoming her past, proving her worth, and uncovering the truth about her father’s tarnished legacy, ultimately preventing a devastating attack.

Unique: Her combination of a sharp intellect, the personal stake in clearing her father’s name, and her struggle with claustrophobia make her a unique protagonist. Her ability to notice the minutiae may be key to decoding the enemy’s plans.

Intentional: Ria’s background and personal challenges are intentionally designed to create a narrative of personal and professional redemption. Her character drives the story’s emotional core and delivers a transformative arc.

Character: Captain Anirudh Desai

Role: Connecting Character – Ship’s Captain, MV Padma

Journey: Captain Desai’s journey involves reconciling his own past failures with the mission at hand. His initial resistance to Ria evolves as he learns to respect her abilities and confronts his own prejudices.

Unique: His authoritative nature is challenged by Ria’s presence, causing internal conflict and growth. His misogynistic views and commanding presence add complexity to his character.

Intentional: The captain serves as a foil to Ria, embodying the traditionalist views she must overcome. His leadership and experience are crucial to the story’s authenticity in the military setting.

Character: Commander Vikram Singh

Role: Antagonist – Tactical Commander of the rebel Naval crew

Journey: Vikram’s journey is a descent into betrayal, as his disillusionment with the government and personal vendetta against the rebels drive him to commit treason.

Unique: Unlike typical antagonists, his motivations are ideologically driven, adding depth to his betrayal. His charm and intelligence make him a formidable adversary.

Intentional: His treachery and high rank provide direct opposition to Ria’s mission. His actions serve as catalysts for the narrative’s tension and Ria’s development, embodying the thematic conflict between personal vendettas and duty.

Character: Lieutenant Rehman Khan

Role: Triangle Character/Diver

Journey: Rehman’s journey is not just about overcoming his own guilt but also defining his legacy separate from his brother. His relationship with Ria adds a personal dimension to the war’s ideological battle.

Unique: His charm, bravery, and recklessness, coupled with his love for Ria, make him a dynamic force in the story, embodying the passion and unpredictability of war.

Intentional: His impulsiveness and bravery highlight the courage required in war, while his love for Ria humanizes the conflict and raises the stakes for both of them.

Character: Secretary Arjun Varma

Role: Mentor/Head of Special Frontier Forces

Journey: Varma’s journey is about redemption and leadership, guiding Ria and the team through the treacherous mission while confronting his past failures.

Unique: His strategic mind and compassion, combined with a strong sense of patriotism, make him the moral compass of the team and an anchor for Ria.

Intentional: His role as a mentor to Ria and his unwavering belief in her abilities underscore the theme of trust and the importance of leadership in times of war.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Scene Requirements

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to create a compelling scene arc with action, conflict and challenging situations that challenge the needs, goals, values etc. of the main characters.”

Title: Hawala Heist

Format/Genre: One-Hour Heist Thriller Series

Show Concept: A rookie RAW agent joins a crew of international thieves to penetrate an underground banking network to retrieve a ledger that can crash the financial world.

Pilot Concept: Rookie agent, Priya joins a heist team to decode messages to stop a terror attack that is used as a distraction for the sale of a ledger on the Hawala market.

Inciting Incident: Priya is forced to join the heist team to stop a terror attack when her class project turns into a real covert operation.

A Story: The covert operation

B Story: The Hawala network

C Story: Heist team secrets

Mystery 1: Who is the mole in the heist team who gave away their plan

Mystery 2: What is the ghost ledger and how do you steal it?

Impossible Goal: To steal the elusive ledger and bring down the powerful underground banking network of hawala

Major Conflict: Priya and the heist team have a mole that is working with the Hawala network they are trying to bring down by stealing the ghost ledger.

BEAT SHEET WITH ESSENCE

Teaser

EXT. BACK ALLEYS / FESTIVE CELEBRATIONS (MUMBAI) – EVENING

PRIYA RAO (AKA Rookie) weaves through the back alleys of Mumbai on a motorcycle and through the jam-packed streets with festive revelers in the pouring rain as she tries to lose the ominous figures tracking her to arrive at the safe house.

• Start: Priya is on a motorbike weaving through back alleys

• Challenging Situation: a thunderstorm and pouring rain and the streets jammed with festival revelers.

• Conflict: ominous figures are tracking her

• Action: The chase.

• Finish: she loses her tail and arrives at a safe house.

EXT/INT. SAFEHOUSE – NIGHT

Narrowly escaping, she arrives at a safe house, revealing a ledger from her backpack. The heist team including ARJUN NAIR (AN), MEERA VERMA (MV), SOFIA PETROVNA (SP), MANDEEP SINGH (MS), LINA CHEN (LC), question the ledger’s authenticity when heavily armed military trucks show up outside. They scurry into the woods to watch from a safe distance while the safe house is raided by RAW agents. Priya notices that the ledger is blank beyond the first few pages… The team is shocked—the real ledger is still out there, and they’ve been betrayed by one of their own.

• Start: Priya reveals a ledger from her backpack

• Challenging Situation: need to be trusted by the team

• Conflict: the ledger is counterfeit, and the raid points to a mole in the team

• Action: heavily armed military trucks surround the safe house

• Finish: the team escapes into the woods

INT. DINER – DAY

Priya dejected for letting down the team and exhausted from the chase waits for her order when she discovers a secret compartment in her backpack. She finds a cryptic message in a book that reminds her of her childhood. The message triggers memories of her father’s mysterious gatherings and she leaves abruptly.

• Start: Priya exhausted from the chase orders food

• Challenging Situation: she feels dejected for letting down the team.

• Action: finds a cryptic message in a secret compartment of her backpack

• Conflict: the message reminds her of a puzzle from her childhood

• Finish: she leaves abruptly as the message triggers memories of her father’s mysterious gatherings.

Act 1:

INT. UNIVERSITY LAWNS – DAY

Priya traces patterns in the air as she tries to solve a math problem, she created from watching a group of students playing on the lawns. She ignores her CLASSMATES who are having fun at her expense and declines their invitation to go out for drinks.

• Start: Priya is solving a math problem watching a group of students playing on the lawns

• Challenging Situation: She is awkward in her interactions with her classmates

• Conflict: she ignores her classmates who are having fun at her expense

• Action: she traces patterns in the air as she solves her problem

• Finish: she declines her classmate’s invitation to go out with them for drinks

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – EVENING

Priya is scribbling equations on the huge whiteboard in her room when a bell rings – her ailing FATHER is calling for her – interrupting her flow. She cares for her sick father, but her mind is preoccupied. She ignores a message from her classmates who post a picture of them having fun at a club. She tucks her father in and reads a book of puzzles to him and gets a brainwave that helps her crack her problem.

• Start: Priya scribbles equations on the huge whiteboard in her room

• Challenging Situation: her ailing father calls out to her and interrupts her flow.

• Conflict: she cares for her sick father, but her mind is preoccupied

• Action: she ignores a message from her classmates who post a picture of them having fun at a club

• Finish: she tucks her father in and reads a book of puzzles to him and gets a brainwave that helps her crack her problem.

INT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

HARSH MEHTA (AKA The Cobra) watches the crowd from his perch scanning for any threats. Priya’s classmates are a riot on the floor. SOFIA PETROVNA (AKA Chameleon) in disguise watches over the group and makes eye contact with Harsh. Sofia gets rattled and tries to shake it off in the bathroom and speaks into her earpiece that she’s been made. Harsh enters the dungeon where they are holding a man bruised and tied to a chair, he breaks off his finger and walks away.

• Start: Harsh watches the crowd from his perch scanning for any threats

• Challenging Situation: Priya’s classmates are a riot on the floor

• Conflict: SOFIA PETROVNA in disguise watches over the group and makes eye contact with Harsh

• Action: Sofia gets rattled and tries to shake it off in the bathroom, communicates into her earpiece that she’s been made.

• Finish: Harsh enters the dungeon where they are holding a man bruised and tied to a chair, he breaks off his finger and walks away.

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – NIGHT

Priya is in a strange recurring dream involving symbols and numbers that she doesn’t understand, hinting at her hidden lineage and her mind’s mysterious workings. She screams as she is plunged into the abyss. She wakes up from her nightmare shaken. She scribbles down some of the numbers and symbols. She sneaks into her father’s room and takes the couch holding her book close to her chest as she tries to fall back asleep.

• Start: Priya is in a strange recurring dream involving symbols and numbers

• Challenging Situation: she screams as she is plunged into the abyss

• Conflict: she wakes up from her nightmare shaken

• Action: she scribbles down some of the numbers and symbols

• Finish: she sneaks into her father’s room and takes the couch

INT. LECTURE HALL – DAY

Priya and her classmates are given a problem in class by the PROFESSOR. Priya’s talent in pattern recognition and cryptanalysis shines during the project but she catches a classmate trying to steal her work. Priya is publicly accused by her professor of stealing another student’s work, a plot to test her reactions under pressure. Priya’s professor apologizes and commends her work after everyone leaves.

• Start: Priya and her classmates are given a problem in class

• Action: Priya’s talent in pattern recognition and cryptanalysis shines during a class project, she catches a classmate trying to steal her work

• Conflict: Priya is publicly accused by a professor of stealing another student’s work, a plot to test her reactions under pressure.

• Challenging Situation: She recalls how her father hounded the media and was driven into hiding by false accusations of theft that led to his current ill health.

• Finish: Priya’s professor apologizes and commends her work after everyone leaves.

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – EVENING

Priya sees a complex puzzle left by someone in her book. It has symbols similar to ones from her recurring dream. Priya tries to solve the puzzle with a distinctive pattern in her cryptanalysis work. She doesn’t know who left it for her or even if there is a right answer. Priya shows her work to her father who tears up.

• Start: Priya sees a complex puzzle left by her father in her book

• Conflict: It is similar to the symbols from her recurring dreams

• Action: Priya tries to solve the puzzle with a distinctive pattern in her cryptanalysis work

• Challenging Situation: She doesn’t know who left it for her or even if there is a right answer

• Finish: Priya shows her work to her father who tears up

INT. DINER – EVENING

Priya takes her father out to the diner to get some fresh air and clear her mind. Her father’s memory is fuzzy, and he cannot answer Priya’s questions about her childhood. Her professor bumps into them and questions her father about the Hawala network. Her father gets agitated and Priya tells her professor off.

• Start: Priya takes her father out to the diner to get some fresh air and clear her mind

• Challenging Situation: Her father’s memory is fuzzy, and he cannot answer Priya’s questions about her childhood

• Conflict: Her professor bumps into them and questions her father about the Hawala network

• Action:

• Finish: Her father gets agitated, and Priya tells her professor off

EXT. CLUB – NIGHT

Priya’s classmate leaves the club carrying her class project in her backpack. She is drunk and finds herself on a deserted lane. Someone is following her. She speeds up her pace but the boots catch up with her as she hits a dead-end.

• Start: Priya’s classmate leaves the club carrying her class project in her backpack.

• Challenging Situation: She is drunk and finds herself on a deserted lane

• Conflict: someone is following her

• Action: she speeds up her pace

• Finish: the boots catch up with her as she hits a dead-end

INT. UNIVERSITY HALLWAY – DAY

Lina bumps into Priya in the hallway and flashes a badge. There’s a fleeting look of recognition or guilt that she quickly masks pretending to be a RAW agent. She questions Priya about the murder of her classmate and her missing class project file. Lina reacts with a subtle but noticeable discomfort when Priya talks about her father, hinting at a shared history. She leaves her contact if she needs a friend. Priya walks away in tears as she is now being accused of murder.

• Start: Lina bumps into Priya in the hallway and flashes a badge

• Challenging Situation: There’s a fleeting look of recognition or guilt that she quickly masks pretending to be a RAW agent.

• Conflict: She questions Priya about the murder of her classmate and her missing class project file.

• Action: Lina reacts with a subtle but noticeable discomfort when Priya talks about her father, hinting at a shared history. Leaves her contact if she needs a friend.

• Finish: Priya walks away in tears as she is now being accused of murder.

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

Priya is in class still shaken from her interaction in the hallway. Real RAW agents shuffle into the back row during the lecture. Professor abruptly ends his lecture. Priya’s professor is suddenly detained by intelligence agents in the middle of a lecture. Priya is handed a classified dossier by a RAW agent.

• Start: Priya is in class still shaken from her interaction in the hallway

• Challenging Situation: real RAW agents shuffle into the back row during the lecture

• Action: Professor abruptly ends his lecture

• Conflict: Priya’s professor is suddenly detained by intelligence agents in the middle of a lecture

• Finish: Priya is handed a classified dossier by a RAW agent

INT. PROFESSOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Priya is seated across from the RAW agent going through the dossier. It reveals that the unsanctioned ops is a personal agenda of her professor. They question her about the professor and his covert operation and threaten to dig up her father’s past. The agent holds her down in the chair and gives her a choice – walk away or become an accomplice and face the wrath of the RAW agency. Priya takes the classified dossier and leaves.

• Start: Priya is seated across from the RAW agent going through the dossier

• Challenging Situation: It reveals that the unsanctioned ops is a personal agenda of her professor.

• Conflict: They question her about the professor and his covert operation and threaten to dig up her father’s past

• Action: The agent holds her down in the chair and gives her a choice – walk away or become an accomplice and face the wrath of the RAW agency.

• Finish: Priya takes the classified dossier and leaves

INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT

Priya on her computer looks for clues. She digs into the classified dossier to find a much larger conspiracy. Her professor is playing a role that’s more than academic. Priya has to decide what to do. A symbol that she’s seen before on the class project stops her in her tracks.

• Start: Priya on her computer looks for clues

• Action: She digs into the classified dossier to find a much larger conspiracy

• Conflict: Her professor is playing a role that’s more than academic

• Challenging Situation: Priya has to decide what to do.

• Finish: A symbol that she’s seen before on the class project stops her in her tracks.

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – NIGHT

Priya unlocks her secret locker that has her class project file. Priya deciphers an encrypted message that reveals a terror threat. She has an impossible choice to make that can sacrifice her father and her own safety. She checks on her father who is unaware of her secret life. Priya contacts Lina who she thinks can help her.

• Start: Priya unlocks her secret locker that has her class project file

• Action: Priya deciphers an encrypted message that reveals a terror threat

• Conflict: She has an impossible choice to make that can sacrifice her father and her own safety

• Challenging Situation: She checks on her father who is unaware of her secret life.

• Finish: Priya contacts Lina who she thinks can help her.

EXT. SURVEILLANCE VAN – DAY

Priya reaches the university lawns when a surveillance van approaches her. Two masked men jump out, throw a bag over her head and drag her into the van. Priya tries to resist but she is bound and gagged. Priya is thrown into the back and the van drives away. She lets out a muffled scream as she looks out through the burlap sack. Priya is now part of the covert team as a cipher.

• Start: Priya reaches the university lawns when a surveillance van approaches her

• Challenging Situation: Two masked men jump out, throw a bag over her head and drag her into the van

• Conflict: Priya tries to resist but she is bound and gagged

• Action: Priya is thrown into the back and the van drives away

• Finish: She lets out a muffled scream as she looks out through the burlap sack. Priya is now part of the covert team as a cipher.

Act 2:

INT. SECRET DEN – DAY

Priya’s blindfolds are taken off and she’s now in a secret den of master thieves. Priya must earn the trust of the team. She must navigate the complex chemistry of her companions – Arjun’s vendetta, Meera’s ghosts, Sofia’s missing pieces, Mandeep’s shadows, and Lina’s penance. Priya punches Mandeep for her chaffed hands. Lina breaks up the fight and drags her away.

• Start: Priya’s blindfolds are taken off and she’s now in a secret den of master thieves

• Challenging Situation: Priya must earn the trust of the team

• Conflict: Priya must navigate the complex chemistry of her companions – Arjun’s vendetta, Meera’s ghosts, Sofia’s missing pieces, Mandeep’s shadows, and Lina’s penance.

• Action: Priya punches Mandeep for her chaffed hands

• Finish: Lina breaks up the fight and drags her away

INT. PLANNING ROOM – EVENING

The professor, Arjun codenamed “Raven, shows his true self and introduces everyone to Priya. Arjun reveals his meticulous plan to infiltrate the Hawala network. Priya interrupts him to reveal the message that points to an imminent terror attack. The heist team doesn’t believe her and sees no threat. Arjun backs Priya for now.

• Start: The professor, Arjun codenamed “Raven, shows his true self and introduces everyone to Priya.

• Challenging Situation: Arjun reveals his meticulous plan to infiltrate the Hawala network

• Action: Priya interrupts him to reveal the message that points to an imminent terror attack

• Conflict: the heist team doesn’t believe her and sees no threat

• Finish: Arjun backs Priya for now

EXT. SECRET DEN – NIGHT

Arjun looks at the encrypted message and recalls his sister. Arjun’s flashback takes him to his failed attempt to stop a terror attack that killed his sister. Arjun suffers from PTSD but he masks it with his stoic demeanour. He is seen on the phone in rage with fists flying and the team is worried about his erratic behavior.

• Start: Arjun looks at the encrypted message and recalls his sister

• Action: Arjun’s flashback takes him to his failed attempt to stop a terror attack

• Conflict: Arjun lost his sister to the terror attack

• Challenging Situation: Arjun suffers from PTSD but he masks it with his stoic demenaour

• Finish: Arjun is seen on the phone in rage with fists flying and the team is worried about his erratic behavior

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Meera (AKA Ghost) navigates the digital world with unequalled skill. Her computer pings with the message, and she quickly closes it before anyone can see it. She receives a cryptic message that visibly disturbs her, but she dismisses it when questioned by Priya. She is haunted by a past she seeks to obliterate. Meera closes the chat window on her secret online romance.

• Start: Meera (AKA Ghost) navigating the digital world with unequaled skill

• Action: Meera’s computer pings with the message, and she quickly closes it before anyone can see.

• Challenging Situation: She receives a cryptic message that visibly disturbs her, but she dismisses it when questioned by Priya

• Conflict: she is haunted by a past she seeks to obliterate

• Finish: Meera closes the chat window on her secret online romance

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

Sofia (AKA Chameleon) is drinking with music blaring as she tries on various disguises. Sofia sees her sister’s shadow every time she looks in the mirror. She wants to find her missing sister. She pulls out a burner phone, types a coded message and hides it in her makeup bag. Sofia throws her drink at the mirror and cracks it.

• Start: Sofia (AKA Chameleon) is drinking with music blaring as she tries on various disguises

• Challenging Situation: Sofia sees her sister’s shadow every time she looks in the mirror

• Conflict: Sofia wants to find her missing sister

• Action: She pulls out a burner phone types a coded message and hides it in her makeup bag

• Finish: Sofia throws her drink at the mirror and cracks it.

INT. MANDEEP’S ROOM – NIGHT

Mandeep opens his laptop and starts to change his soiled clothes. His laptop shows surveillance cameras installed in all the private rooms. Mandeep is secretly watching the team. Mandeep zooms in on Sofia’s room and sees her undress. He continues to watch when she disappears. He hears a knock on his door and quickly hides his surveillance equipment to open the door. Sofia wades in with a drink.

• Start: Mandeep opens his laptop and starts to change his soiled clothes

• Challenging Situation: Madeep’s laptop shows surveillance cameras installed in all the private rooms

• Conflict: Mandeep is secretly watching the team

• Action: Mandeep zooms in on Sofia’s room and sees her undress. He continues to watch when she disappears.

• Finish: He hears a knock on his door and quickly hides his surveillance equipment to open the door. Sofia wades in with a drink.

INT. PLANNING ROOM – DAY

Priya looks through the “Oracle, ”Lina’s financial flow charts in awe. Lina watches her from the door and smiles. She approaches her with a familiarity almost as if she’s known her from before. Priya is caught off guard. Lina feels guilty for her past actions. She tells Priya this is her atonement for her past misdeeds.

• Start: Priya looks through Lina’s financial flow charts in awe

• Action: Lina watches her from the door and smiles. She approaches her with a familiarity almost as if she’s known her from before.

• Challenging Situation: Priya is caught off guard

• Conflict: Lina feels guilty for her past actions

• Finish: She tells Priya this is her atonement for her past misdeeds.

INT. BATHROOM – DAY

Priya is in a bathroom stall when she hears voices. She pulls herself onto the seat when Meera checks to see if the stalls are empty. Priya overhears a cryptic conversation between two team members (Meera & Sofia). The toilet roll drops and they stop talking to investigate. Meera kicks open the stall door and finds it empty. They leave in a hurry. Priya drops onto the floor her arms hurting from balancing in the air spread eagle against the walls.

• Start: Priya is in a bathroom stall when she hears voices.

• Action: Priya pulls herself onto the seat when Meera checks to see if the stalls are empty

• Conflict: Priya overhears a cryptic conversation between two team members (Meera & Sofia)

• Challenging Situation: The toilet roll drops and they stop talking to investigate. Meera kicks open the stall door and finds it empty. They leave in a hurry.

• Finish: Priya drops onto the floor her arms hurting from balancing in the air spread eagle against the walls

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Raghav (AKA The Hyena), the charismatic leader of the Hawala Network has a peculiar ritual or superstition he follows religiously, believing it’s the source of his success. The ledger he keeps goes against the rules of doing Hawala business and becomes the Achilles’ heel exploited by the heist team. Raghav secures the ledger in a high-security vault that he boasts is impenetrable.

• Start: Raghav (AKA The Hyena), the charismatic leader of the Hawala Network

• Action: with a peculiar ritual or superstition he follows religiously, believing it’s the source of his success

• Challenging Situation: The ledger he keeps goes against the rules of doing Hawala business.

• Conflict: The ledger becomes the Achilles’ heel exploited by the heist team

• Finish: Raghav secures the ledger in a high-security vault that he boasts is impenetrable.

EXT/INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – DAY

The heist team takes position to breach the Hawala headquarters. Meera discovers real-time surveillance feeds that were previously undetected, indicating they have walked into a trap. Armed men detect the team and exchange gunfire. The heist team retaliates and aborts their mission to fall back when some of them sustain injuries. Arjun grabs a Hawala operative as they make their escape.

• Start: The heist team takes position to breach the Hawala headquarters

• Challenging Situation: Meera discovers real-time surveillance feeds that were previously undetected, indicating they have walked into a trap

• Conflict: Armed men detect the team and exchange gunfire.

• Action: The heist team retaliates and aborts their mission to fall back when some of them sustain injuries

• Finish: Arjun grabs a Hawala operative as they make their escape.

INT. SECRET DEN – DAY

Arjun is in a heated argument with a superior at RAW who warns Arjun to stand down or be hunted down by RAW agents. Arjun is driven by his vendetta to stop going after the Hawala network. Arjun enters the basement to torture the Hawala operative. Mandeep suggests they let the Hawala operative go but Arjun lashes out at him

• Start: Arjun is in a heated argument with a superior at RAW

• Challenging Situation: The superior at RAW warns Arjun to stand down or be hunted down by RAW agents.

• Conflict: Arjun is driven by his vendetta to stop going after the Hawala network

• Action: Arjun enters the basement to torture the Hawala operative

• Finish: Mandeep suggests they let the Hawala operative go but Arjun lashes out at him

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – EVENING

Raghav examines a complex financial chart indicating a drastic plan. He hides the plan when Harsh approaches him to report on the missing operative. Raghav casually mentions a “game-changing move” during a phone call, with a ledger in the background. Initiating the sale of a secret ledger will have global implications. Raghav hides the ledger in the vault. It is a fake because the real one is in the briefcase when he gets into his rooftop chopper.

• Start: Raghav examines a complex financial chart indicating a drastic plan.

• Challenging Situation: He hides the plan when Harsh approaches him to report on the missing operative

• Action: Raghav casually mentions a “game-changing move” during a phone call, with a ledger in the background

• Conflict: Initiating the sale of a secret ledger will have global implications

• Finish: Raghav hides the ledger in the vault. It is a fake because the real one is in the briefcase when he gets into his rooftop chopper.

INT. CASH ROOM/HAWALA EXCHANGE – EVENING

Harsh is counting out cash and dumping them into a duffel bag. One of the Hawala operatives is bleeding out in the corner. Harsh is looting cash from his own cash room. He loads the bag into a truck which has a terrorist flag on it. He orchestrates a shoot-out to make it look like a burglary and shoots the dying operative in his head.

• Start: Harsh is counting out cash and dumping them into a duffel bag

• Challenging Situation: One of the Hawala operatives is bleeding out in the corner.

• Conflict: Harsh is looting cash from his own cash room

• Action: Harsh loads the bag into a truck which has a terrorist flag on it.

• Finish: Harsh orchestras a shoot-out and makes it look like a burglary and shoots the dying operative in his head.

EXT. HAWALA EXCHANGE – NIGHT

Sofia walks into the Hawala Exchange and notices that something is amiss when no one stops her. She talks into her embedded earpiece, but Arjun hears only static in the sewers. He sees a light ahead and races to catch up. Harsh comes up behind Arjun and puts a gun to his head. Sofia sees the dead operative and freaks out. Arjun and Harsh get into a fistfight. Arjun’s secret vendetta comes to light. Sofia is held at gunpoint. Arjun surrenders when Harsh’s men confirm it on the walkie. Police sirens save them from Harsh and his men but now they are trapped. Arjun and Sofia narrowly escape through an opening in the sewers.

• Start: Sofia walks into the Hawala Exchange and notices that something is amiss when no one stops her.

• Challenging Situation: Sofia talks into her embedded earpiece, but Arjun hears only static in the sewers. He sees a light ahead and races to catch up.

• Conflict: Harsh comes up behind Arjun and puts a gun to his head. Sofia sees the dead operative and freaks out.

• Action: Arjun and Harsh get into a fistfight. Arjun’s secret vendetta comes to light.

• Finish: Sofia is held at gunpoint. Arjun surrenders when Harsh’s men confirm it on the walkie. Police sirens save them from Harsh and his men but now they are trapped. Arjun and Sofia narrowly escape through an opening in the sewers.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Priya watches the body cam footage from Sofia and notices a message which she decodes. However, it points to a hidden ledger implicating her father, casting doubts on her loyalty. Priya smashes the TV screen and runs off. Priya rides her motorbike dangerously back into the city.

• Start: Priya watches the body cam footage from Sofia and notices a message

• Challenging Situation: Priya decodes the message

• Conflict: However, it points to a hidden ledger implicating her father, casting doubts on her loyalty.

• Action: Priya smashes the TV screen and runs off

• Finish: Priya rides her motorbike dangerously back into the city

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – NIGHT

Priya paces up and down as she sees her father’s name flash on the message. She is torn between proving her father’s innocence and stopping a terror attack. She will have to sacrifice her father’s safety. Priya writes a note for her father and leaves without saying her goodbyes. Priya back on her motorbike, her father reads the note and weeps.

• Start: Priya paces up and down as she sees her father’s name flash on the message.

• Challenging Situation: she is torn between proving her father’s innocence and stopping a terror attack

• Conflict: She will have to sacrifice her father’s safety

• Action: Priya writes a note for her father and leaves without saying her goodbyes

• Finish: Priya back on her motorbike, her father reads the note and weeps.

Act 3:

INT. SECRET DEN – DAY

Arjun redraws plans to find the hidden ledger. Priya is missing and she is the suspected mole in the team. The team needs to find the hidden ledger and Priya’s father is their best bet. Arjun proposes taking him hostage but Lina protests. He questions their captive Hawala operative on the ledger.

• Start: Arjun redraws plans to find the hidden ledger.

• Challenging Situation: Priya is missing and she is the suspected mole in the team

• Conflict: The team needs to find the hidden ledger and Priya’s father is their best bet.

• Action: Arjun proposes taking him hostage but Lina protests.

• Finish: Arjun questions their captive Hawala operative on the ledger.

INT. ABANDONED MANSION – DAY

Priya goes through her father’s library for clues. Cut-off from her the team, she starts her own investigation to prove her father’s innocence. She clears out the basement to create her own suspect board and pins up pictures, symbols, messages to start her investigation.

• Start: Priya goes through her father’s library for clues

• Challenging Situation: Priya starts her own investigation cut off from her the team

• Conflict: Priya needs to prove her father’s innocence

• Action: Priya clears out the basement to create her own suspect board.

• Finish: Priya pins up pictures, symbols, messages to start her investigation

INT. BEDROOM/ABANDONED MANSION – NIGHT

Priya sees glimpses into the ledger’s contents. She decrypts messages that point to a financial crash. She grapples with the devastating consequences if it falls into the wrong hands. Priya packs her backpack with the decrypted messages and rides out in the dead of night blindfolded.

• Start: Priya sees glimpses into the ledger’s contents

• Challenging Situation: She decrypts messages that point to a financial crash

• Conflict: Priya grapples with the devastating consequences if it falls into the wrong hands.

• Action: Priya packs her backpack with the decrypted messages

• Finish: Priya rides out in the dead of night blindfolded.

EXT/INT. SECRET DEN – NIGHT

Priya on the bike counts a turn and ends up on a dirt road. Arjun in the control room, watches surveillance cameras that show him the main road and the captive operative in the dungeon. Steps away from the cameras. Priya takes off her blindfold as she sneaks closer to the den. Arjun steps outside for a smoke and hears rustling. He goes to take a closer look. Priya sneaks inside and gets into the control room. Sees Arjun on the monitor. She rummages through the files and notices the captive on screen. Arjun closes the screen door as he gets back in. Priya blocks out the dungeon camera and shows the ledger to the captive. Arjun comes out of the washroom and looks at the cameras. He sees everything is clear. Priya uses the blind spots to get away.

• Start: Priya on the bike counts a turn and ends up on a dirt road. Arjun in the control room, watches surveillance cameras that show him the main road and the captive operative in the dungeon. Steps away from the cameras.

• Challenging Situation: Priya takes off her blindfold as she sneaks closer to the den

• Conflict: Arjun steps outside for a smoke and hears rustling. He goes to take a closer look.

• Action: Priya sneaks inside and gets into the control room. Sees Arjun on the monitor. She rummages through the files and notices the captive on screen. Arjun closes the screen door as he gets back in. Priya blocks out the dungeon camera and shows the ledger to the captive.

• Finish: Arjun comes out of the washroom and looks at the cameras. He sees everything is clear. Priya uses the blind spots to get away.

INT. PLANNING ROOM – DAY

Arjun is looking for the fake ledger and makes a mess. He is agitated that there is a leak. Mandeep rewinds the surveillance and sees Priya enter the dungeon. Arjun approaches the suspect board and pierces a knife through Priya’s photo on the board. He bursts into the dungeon to question the captive who screams for help.

• Start: Arjun is looking for the fake ledger and makes a mess.

• Challenging Situation: Arjun is agitated that there is a leak

• Conflict: Mandeep rewinds the surveillance and sees Priya enter the dungeon

• Action: Arjun approaches the suspect board and pierces a knife through Priya’s photo on the board

• Finish: Arjun bursts into the dungeon to question the captive who screams for help.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Meera has digital traces running on her computer. A security breach alert pops on her screen and she tries to override it but it backfires. Meera’s photo from her past association dances on her screen as a screensaver. She frantically starts to unplug her system. She has been hacked and now it’s a looming threat to the team. Meera dumps her hard disks and fries them in the microwave.

• Start: Meera has digital traces running on her computer.

• Challenging Situation: A security breach alert pops on her screen and she tries to override it but it backfires.

• Action: Meera’s photo from her past association dances on her screen as a screensaver. She frantically starts to unplug her system

• Conflict: She has been hacked and now it’s a looming threat to the team

• Finish: Meera dumps her hard disks and fries them in the microwave

INT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

Sofia in disguise gets drunk and pushes Mandeep away. He gets out before his cover is blown. Sofia stumbles into the basement and seduces a guard to get past the door knocking him unconscious. She turns on the lights to see a man dead on the floor. She turns away to go back out before she notices a picture of her sister on the floor where the blood has run off.

• Start: Sofia in disguise gets drunk and pushes Mandeep away

• Challenging Situation: Mandeep gets out before his cover is blown

• Action: Sofia stumbles into the basement and seduces a guard to get past the door knocking him unconscious.

• Conflict: Sofia turns on the lights to see a man dead on the floor.

• Finish: She turns away to go back out before she notices a picture of her sister on the floor where the blood has run off.

EXT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

Mandeep pulls out a photo from his pocket that he stole from the club. The photo shows a young Sofia with Arjun and Harsh. He grapples with suspicion and loyalty as he takes a call. The person on the other line reminds him of his mission and asks if he found the mole yet. He folds the photo and puts it away before he answers.

• Start: Mandeep pulls out a photo from his pocket that he stole from the club.

• Challenging Situation: The photo shows a young Sofia with Arjun and Harsh.

• Conflict: Mandeep grapples with suspicion and loyalty as he takes a call

• Action: The person on the other line reminds him of his mission and asks if he found the mole yet.

• Finish: Mandeep folds the photo and puts it away before he answers.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – DAY

Mandeep and Arjun have a private conversation. He shows signs of genuine respect and camaraderie, which conflicts with his earlier suspicion. Mandeep questions his suspicion of Arjun being the mole. Arjun tears up as he relates his story about his sister. He consoles Arjun.

• Start: Mandeep and Arjun have a private conversation

• Challenging Situation: He shows signs of genuine respect and camaraderie, which conflicts with his earlier suspicion.

• Conflict: Mandeep questions his suspicion of Arjun being the mole.

• Action: Arjun tears up as he relates his story about his sister

• Finish: Mandeep consoles Arjun

INT. MOBILE REPAIR SHOP – DAY

Lina waits to walk into a mobile repair shop and asks for a top-up. The owner nods and leads her through a false door into the back. She pulls out bungles of cash and sets them on the table. The old Hawala operative behind the counter recognizes her. The owner walks out to close the shutters. The operative takes the money, pulls out two shot glasses and smiles as he pours a drink. Lina dips her finger to taste it and then smiles to toast like old friends.

• Start: Lina waits to walk into a mobile repair shop and asks for a top up.

• Challenging Situation: The owner nods and leads her through a false door into the back.

• Conflict: Lina pulls out bungles of cash and sets them on the table. The old Hawala operative behind the counter recognizes her. The owner walks out to close the shutters.

• Action: The operative takes the money, pulls out two shot glasses and smiles as he pours a drink.

• Finish: Lina dips her finger to taste it and then smiles to toast like old friends.

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Raghav is on a video call with heads of state and dictators. He finishes going through his entire portfolio before the stock market opens every day and resets his vault to the market opening digits. He keeps everyone on hold as they are frustrated with the delay. Raghav tells them to get on with his plan or he will crash the market and release their secrets. Raghav demonstrates the ticking clock that coincides with the stock market clock and how they will change their fortunes by the end of the day in 48 hours.

• Start: Raghav is on a video call with heads of state and dictators.

• Action: He finishes going through his entire portfolio before the stock market opens every day and resets his vault to the market opening digits

• Challenging Situation: He keeps everyone on hold as they are frustrated with the delay.

• Conflict: Raghav tells them to get on with his plan or he will crash the market and release their secrets.

• Finish: Raghav demonstrates the ticking clock that coincides with the stock market clock and how they will change their fortunes by the end of the day in 48 hours.

INT. SERVER ROOM/HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – EVENING

Priya disguised as a technician shows her badge at the gate. Priya evades the guards and slips into the basement with an access card she swiped from a guard to access the server room. She unlocks the server room and searches for the video cables. She hacks into the video feed to Raghav’s control room. She sees the video on her phone and records it before she hears someone at the door. She sneaks back out and dumps her card and clothes as she races off on her bike.

• Start: Priya disguised as a technician shows her badge at the gate.

• Challenging Situation: Priya evades the guards and slips into the basement with an access card she swiped from a guard to access the server room.

• Action: She unlocks the server room and searches for the video cables.

• Conflict: She hacks into the video feed to Raghav’s control room

• Finish: She sees the video on her phone and records it before she hears someone at the door. She sneaks back out and dumps her card and clothes as she races off on her bike.

INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Priya drives in on the surveillance cameras. Mandeep grabs his sidearm, but Arjun stops him. She walks back into the den with all the team members waiting for her. Everyone thinks she is the mole and wants to grab her. Priya with her raised hands pulls out her phone and plugs it into the big screen to play Raghav’s video feed. She tells them there is a ledger that is going to be auctioned for sale in 48 hours that has a list of sleeper agents, and the terror attack is a coverup. She believes her father was being framed to take the fall.

• Start: Priya drives in on the surveillance cameras. Mandeep grabs his sidearm, but Arjun stops him.

• Challenging Situation: Priya walks back into the den with all the team members waiting for her.

• Conflict: Everyone thinks she is the mole and wants to grab her.

• Action: Priya with her raised hands pulls out her phone and plugs it into the big screen to play Raghav’s video feed

• Finish: Priya tells them there is a ledger that is going to be auctioned for sale in 48 hours that has a list of sleeper agents, and the terror attack is the coverup. Her father was being framed.

Act 4:

INT. PLANNING ROOM – DAY

Lina confirms the sale and backs Priya up. They work together to pinpoint the terror plot. Arjun and the rest of the team need to find the ledger and stop its sale. The team splits into two – Lina and Priya work on the terror plot while Meera, Arjun, Sofia and Mandeep go into the field to locate the ledger. Priya wants to prove her father’s innocence and keeps digging into the ledger’s origins.

• Start: Lina confirms the sale and backs Priya up

• Challenging Situation: Lina and Priya work together to pinpoint the terror plot

• Conflict: Arjun and the rest of the team need to find the ledger and stop its sale

• Action: The team splits into two – Lina and Priya work on the terror plot while Meera, Arjun, Sofia and Mandeep go into the field to locate the ledger

• Finish: Priya wants to prove her father’s innocence and keeps digging into the ledger’s origins.

INT. PRIYA’S HOME – DAY

Priya digs into the father’s files. She discovers a past alias of her father that connects him to the Hawala network. Priya questions her father about his connections, but he draws a blank. RAW agents enter their home catching her off guard. Priya is knocked unconscious and tied up.

• Start: Priya digs into the father’s files

• Challenging Situation: She discovers a past alias of her father that connects him to the Hawala network.

• Action: Priya questions her father about his connections, but he draws a blank

• Conflict: RAW agents enter their home catching Priya off guard

• Finish: Priya is knocked unconscious and tied up

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – EVENING

Priya is tied to a chair when she comes to. She is interrogated by the RAW agent. He forces her to reveal her secret agenda and threatens her father’s safety. Another agent shows her a video of her father in captivity. Priya crumbles and shares her discovery of her father’s connection.

• Start: Priya is tied to a chair when she comes to

• Challenging Situation: Priya is interrogated by the RAW agent

• Conflict: RAW agent forces her to reveal her secret agenda and threatens her father’s safety

• Action: Another agent shows her a video of her father captive

• Finish: Priya crumbles and shares her discovery of her father’s connection

EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – NIGHT

Arjun waits in his unmarked van when a car pulls up. RAW agents get out and hold him at gunpoint to step out. He is shown Priya and her father in captivity and threatened to drop his unsanctioned op or lose one of his teammates. Arjun fights the RAW agents and extractions the location of Priya’s captivity. He takes a hostage and rides out.

• Start: Arjun waits in his unmarked van when a car pulls up

• Challenging Situation: RAW agents get out and hold him at gunpoint to step out

• Conflict: Arjun is shown Priya and her father in captivity and threatened to drop his unsanctioned op or lose one of his teammates

• Action: Arjun fights the RAW agents and extractions the location of Priya’s captivity

• Finish: Arjun takes a hostage and rides out.

EXT/INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Meera talks to Sofia and Mandeep through the surveillance at the Hawala Headquarters. Her workstation lights up with a flood of incriminating evidence planted against her. She uses her hacking skills in real-time to unmask an old associate from her dark past who has infiltrated their system. Meera is cornered and with a gun to her head, has to choose between saving her own life or risking everything to help the team. Meera outsmarts the old rival and hacks into their network instead; pinpointing the location of the ledger that she shares with Sofia. She takes a bullet before she kills the gunman.

• Start: Meera talks to Sofia and Mandeep through the surveillance at the Hawala Headquarters.

• Challenging Situation: Meera’s workstation lights up with a flood of incriminating evidence planted against her.

• Conflict: Meera uses her hacking skills in real-time to unmask an old associate from her dark past who has infiltrated their system.

• Action: Meera is cornered and with a gun to her head, has to choose between saving her own life or risking everything to help the team.

• Finish: Meera outsmarts the old rival and hacks into their network instead; pinpointing the location of the ledger that she shares with Sofia. She takes a bullet before she kills the gunman.

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Mandeep’s flawless execution of tasks is compromised when his emotions for Sofia cloud his judgment, especially as he stumbles upon clues that suggest she might be involved with the mole.

• Start: Sofia approaches a guard in disguise

• Action: Mandeep slips into the airduct while Sofia distracts the guard

• Challenging Situation: Sofia wipes card to the secret vault

• Conflict: Mandeep crosses the corridor and hears a voice to see Sofia’s sister who looks just like her.

• Finish: Mandeep reaches the vault room, but it is protected by a passcode.

INT. LOWER LEVEL/HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

One of the Hawala operatives recognizes Sofia. She is startled and plays along to accompany the operative until she slips away in time as her sister emerges. She hears her sister’s voice and hides. She ducks into a bathroom and throws up. Sofia looks at the mirror and sees her twin sister’s face staring back at her.

• Start: One of the Hawala operatives recognizes Sofia.

• Challenging Situation: Sofia is startled and plays along to accompany the operative until she slips away in time as her sister emerges.

• Conflict: Sofia hears her sister’s voice and hides.

• Action: Sofia ducks into a bathroom and throws up.

• Finish: Sofia looks at the mirror unable to recognize all her various identities until she sees her twin sister’s face staring back at her.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

Sofia stares at a photo of her twin sister. RAW agent (younger Mandeep) asks her if she is she was kidnapped. She hesitates before answering. She is not sure if she needs to rescue her sister or not. Sofia’s memory flashes to her playing with her sister, her sister playing with puzzles then taking a hand and walking away with a twinkle in her eyes. Sofia nods as the RAW agent assures her, they will find her sister.

• Start: Sofia stares at a photo of her twin sister

• Challenging Situation: The RAW agent (younger Mandeep) asks her if she is she was kidnapped. She hesitates before answering.

• Conflict: Sofia is not sure if she needs to rescue her sister or not

• Action: Sofia’s memory flashes to her playing with her sister, her sister playing with puzzles then taking a hand and walking away with a twinkle in her eyes.

• Finish: Sofia nods as the RAW agent assures her they will find her sister.

EXT/INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Mandeep can’t get Sofia’s sister out of his head when his earpiece crackles. Meera is bleeding, but she communicates the passcode before passing out. Mandeep enters the passcode and unlocks the vault to find a ledger. Secret alarms go off and armed men rush to the vault; Mandeep grabs the ledger and shoots his way out while Sofia heads out to help Meera. Mandeep jumps into the unmarked van as they take fire and speed off.

• Start: Mandeep can’t get Sofia’s sister out of his head when his earpiece crackles.

• Challenging Situation: Meera is bleeding, but she communicates the passcode before passing out

• Action: Mandeep enters the passcode and unlocks the vault to find a ledger.

• Conflict: Secret alarms go off and armed men rush to the vault; Mandeep grabs the ledger and shoots his way out while Sofia heads out to help Meera

• Finish: Mandeep jumps into the unmarked van as they take fire and speed off.

EXT. FINANCIAL DISTRICT – DAY

Lina enters the financial district. A shadowy figure follows her as she tries to lose her tail. Lina slips in and out of shops and ends up in an alley. Lina is thrust against the wall from behind and slipped a note. Lina recovers to find her surroundings empty and puts her hands into her pocket to pull out the note that gives her a location and time.

• Start: Lina enters the financial district

• Challenging Situation: a shadowy figure follows her as she tries to lose her tail

• Action: Lina slips in and out of shops and ends up in an alley

• Conflict: Lina is thrust against the wall from behind and slipped a note

• Finish: Lina recovers to find her surroundings empty and puts her hands into her pocket to pull out the note that gives her a location and time.

EXT/INT. SECRET DEN – NIGHT

Lina goes over her files and hesitates over a specific name – Priya’s father’s alias. An old photograph falls out of depicting Lina with Priya’s father. Lina wants no one to see this file, especially Priya. Lina takes out the contents of the file and replaces it with bogus papers and changes the name. Lina burns the file and watches the photo get eaten by the flames.

• Start: Lina goes over her files and hesitates over a specific name – Priya’s father’s alias.

• Challenging Situation: An old photograph falls out of depicting Lina with Priya’s father.

• Conflict: Lina wants no one to see this file, especially Priya

• Action: Lina takes out the contents of the file and replaces it with bogus papers and changes the name

• Finish: Lina burns the file and watches the photo get eaten by the flames.

INT. RAW SAFEHOUSE – NIGHT

Arjun unties Priya’s hands and rescues her. He tells her the house is rigged to blow and Priya wants to know if her father is okay. Arjun tells her she was chosen for the mission due to her father. Priya slaps Arjun for playing games with her. Arjun drags her to safety before the safehouse explodes in a fire.

• Start: Arjun unties Priya’s hands and rescues her

• Challenging Situation: Arjun tells her the house is rigged to blow and Priya wants to know if her father is okay

• Conflict: Arjun tells her she was chosen for the mission due to her father

• Action: Priya slaps Arjun for playing games with her

• Finish: Arjun drags her to safety before the safehouse explodes in a fire.

INT. PRIVATE ROOM / NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

Harsh pushes away a whiskey bottle and shatters it. He takes out a worn out picture of a young girl (Arjun’s sister) from his wallet and traces a pendant. He pulls out his necklace to hold the same pendant in his palms and kisses it gently. Harsh is remorseful but he needs to toughen up to do his job. He wipes away his tears before putting photo away and picks up his sidearm.

• Start: Harsh pushes away a whiskey bottle and shatters it

• Challenging Situation: He takes out a worn out picture of a young girl (Arjun’s sister) from his wallet and traces a pendant.

• Action: He pulls out his necklace to hold the same pendant in his palms and kisses it gently

• Conflict: Harsh is remorseful but he needs to toughen up to do his job

• Finish: He wipes away his tears before putting photo away and picks up his sidearm.

EXT. RAW SAFEHOUSE – DAY

Priya is hiding in the bushes with Arjun watching the emergency firefighters go through the rubble. A charred body comes out in a gurney. Priya wants to rush out, but Arjun muffles her scream and holds her down. She wants to see her father’s body, but she cannot be seen by the agents. She wipes away her tears and runs off with Arjun chasing after her.

• Start: Priya is hiding in the bushes with Arjun watching the emergency fire fighters go through the rubble

• Challenging Situation: A charred body comes out in a gurney

• Action: Priya wants to rush out but Arjun muffles her scream and hold her down

• Conflict: Priya wants to see her father’s body but she cannot be seen by the agents

• Finish: Priya wipes away her tears and runs off with Arjun chasing after her.

Act 5:

INT. SECRET DEN – EVENING

Arjun debriefs the team. The ledger Mandeep secured is a fake. Meera with a sling, Priya is wounded from losing her father, and Mandeep is mistrustful of Sofia. Lina lays out the plan for the terror attack on the Bombay Stock Exchange and a secret high-security vault room that holds the ghost ledger. Arjun reminds them of the ticking clock when the stock market bell rings.

• Start: Arjun debriefs the team

• Conflict: The ledger Mandeep secured is a fake

• Challenging Situation: Meera with a sling, Priya is wounded from losing her father, and Mandeep is mistrustful of Sofia.

• Action: Lina lays out the plan for the terror attack on the Bombay Stock Exchange and a secret high-security vault room that holds the ghost ledger

• Finish: Arjun reminds them of the ticking clock when the stock market bell rings

INT. BOMBAY STOCK EXCHANGE (BSE) BUILDING – DAY

The stock market bell rings and the clock ticks. Sofia in disguise enters with Amandeep to join the brokers, Arjun and Priya enter the sewers, and Lina and Meera monitor from the surveillance van parked down the street. Priya and Arjun have to get past the armed guards to the high-security vault; Mandeep and Sofia need to identify the terrorists and overpower them, Meera and Lina need to crack the multi-level passwords for the vault. Terrorists take hostages on the market floor but trading is not suspended as the indices show a downward trend; Sofia and Mandeep are taken hostage and they secure the hostages; Arjun meets a terrorist and triggers his PTSD. Priya is taken hostage and joins Sofia. Arjun recovers but now he has to fight the terrorists before securing the vault.

• Start: The stock market bell rings and the clock ticks

• Challenging Situation: Sofia in disguise enters with Amandeep to join the brokers,

• Arjun and Priya enter the sewers, and Lina and Meera monitor from the surveillance van parked down the street.

• Conflict: Priya and Arjun have to get past the armed guards to the high-security vault; Mandeep and Sofia need to identify the terrorists and overpower them, Meera and Lina need to crack the multi-level passwords for the vault

• Action: Terrorists take hostages on the market floor but trading is not suspended as the indices show a downward trend; Sofia and Mandeep are taken hostage and they secure the hostages; Arjun meets a terrorist and triggers his PTSD. Priya is taken hostage and joins Sofia.

• Finish: Arjun recovers but now he has to fight the terrorists before securing the vault.

INT. UPPER FLOOR / BSE BUILDING – DAY

Harsh forces the Chairman and other exchange officers to suspend online trading but keep the floor trading open. Armed men force the CEO to write down the vault passwords. Harsh shoots an officer as he tries to trigger an alarm. Illegal trading drives the stock market down. Harsh holds the key officers locked in the Chairman’s office with armed men guarding them.

• Start: Harsh forces the Chairman and other exchange officers to suspend online trading but keep the floor trading open.

• Challenging Situation: Armed men force the CEO to write down the vault passwords.

• Action: Harsh shoots an officer as he tries to trigger an alarm

• Conflict: Illegal trading drives the stock market down

• Finish: Harsh holds the key officers locked in the Chairman’s office with armed men guarding them.

INT. HOSTAGE ROOM / BSE BUILDING – DAY

Harsh confronts a terrorist as he takes a girl away to a room. Harsh warns the terrorist that he wants no harm to come to the hostages. The terrorist points his weapon at Harsh and gets his brains blown out. Harsh walks away as hostages are terrified and shocked. He touches his pendant and slides his necklace back under his shirt as he walks out to see traders calling out stock prices at gunpoint.

• Start: Harsh confronts a terrorist as he takes a girl away to a room

• Challenging Situation: Harsh warns the terrorist that he wants no harm to come to the hostages.

• Conflict: Terrorist points his weapon at Harsh and gets his brains blown out

• Action: Harsh walks away as hostages are terrified and shocked

• Finish: Harsh touches his pendant and slides his necklace back under his shirt as he walks out to see traders calling out stock prices at gunpoint.

EXT/INT. BSG BUILDING – EVENING

Arjun makes his way into the building and locates the hostages. Armed terrorists guard the hostages. He fights the terrorists, and his team joins to overpower them. Priya slips away to locate the vault and Mandeep joins Arjun to take down the terrorists. Sofia bumps into Harsh in the corridor. She questions him about her sister, but he laughs and tells her she doesn’t know her sister at all.

• Start: Arjun makes his way into the building and locates the hostages

• Challenging Situation: Armed terrorists guard the hostages

• Conflict: Arjun fights the terrorists and his team joins to overpower them

• Action: Priya slips away to locate the vault and Mandeep joins Arjun to take down the terrorists

• Finish: Sofia bumps into Harsh in the corridor. She questions him about her sister but he laughs and tells her she doesn’t know her sister at all.

INT. SURVEILLANCE VAN – EVENING

Meera has the passwords but its incomplete. The rest of the codes are with the Chairman but someone has to get them before the trading clock runs out. Lina has worked in the building and knows it well, so she jumps out of the van to find the Chairman. Lina will have to get past the guards and make the chairman divulge his codes but she’s too old for this. Lina enters the building through a secret service door.

• Start: Meera has the passwords but its incomplete

• Challenging Situation: The rest of the codes are with the Chairman but someone has to get them before the trading clock runs out.

• Action: Lina has worked in the building and knows it well so she jumps out of the van to find the Chairman

• Conflict: Lina will have to get past the guards and make the chairman divulge his codes but she’s too old for this.

• Finish: Lina enters the building through a secret service door.

INT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – EVENING

Raghav is watching the hostage situation in a luxurious yet antiquated office. He has bidders for the ledger but still doesn’t have it in his possession. He bluffs the bidders with a fake ledger while he sees Harsh and his team unable to break into the vault. He wants to sell the ledger to the highest bidder even if they are dictators to secure his legacy. Raghav sees the stock market indices crash on the screen.

• Start: Raghav is watching the hostage situation in a luxurious yet antiquated office.

• Challenging Situation: He has bidders for the ledger but still doesn’t have it in his possession

• Action: Raghav bluffs the bidders with a fake ledger while he sees Harsh and his team unable to break into the vault

• Conflict: Raghav wants to sell the ledger to the highest bidder even if they are dictators to secure his legacy

• Finish: Raghav sees the stock market indices crash on the screen

INT. CHAIRMAN’S OFFICE – EVENING

Lina takes a terrorist mask for a dead terrorist on the floor. Armed guards bar the doors to the Chairman’s office. Lina breaks a fire extinguisher and opens the nozzle to spray it at an armed guard. The armed guard fires his weapon but Lina kicks him down and snatches the weapon, hearing the thud the door opens as more armed men come out cautiously. Lina tackles them with surprisingly agile martial arts moves and knocks them out. Lina enters the room and greets the Chairman taking off her mask. He recognizes her.

• Start: Lina takes a terrorist mask for a dead terrorist on the floor

• Challenging Situation: Armed guards bar the doors to the Chairman’s office

• Action: Lina breaks a fire extinguisher and opens the nozzle to spray it at an armed guard

• Conflict: The armed guard fires his weapon but Lina kicks him down and snatches the weapon, hearing the thud the door opens as more armed men come out cautiously. Lina tackles them with surprisingly agile martial arts moves and knocks them out.

• Finish: Lina enters the room and greets the Chairman taking off her mask. He recognizes her.

INT. SECRET VAULT/BSE BUILDING – NIGHT

Priya is outside the vault when Harsh walks into the antechamber with Sofia. Priya is caught in the middle and needs to make a choice. She tries various passwords that don’t work, Harsh is almost at the vault, Lina gets on the comms and gives her the password. Harsh enters the vault and sees it locked; Sofia pushes him against the door and they get into a fistfight. She overpowers him and questions him about her sister while punching him repeatedly until he falls unconscious. The vault door opens when the room is filled with Sofia’s heavy breathing. Priya steps out with the ledger. Raghav watches her on his camera feed.

• Start: Priya is outside the vault when Harsh walks into the antechamber with Sofia

• Challenging Situation: Priya is caught in the middle and needs to make a choice

• Action: Priya tries various passwords that don’t work, Harsh is almost at the vault, Lina gets on the comps and gives her the password

• Conflict: Harsh enters the vault and sees it locked; Sofia pushes him against the door and they get into a fistfight. She overpowers him and questions him about her sister while punching him repeatedly until he falls unconscious

• Finish: The vault door opens when the room is filled with Sofia’s heavy breathing. Priya steps out with the ledger. Raghav watches her on his camera.

EXT. BACK ALLEYS / FESTIVE CELEBRATIONS (MUMBAI) – EVENING

Priya weaves through the back alleys of Mumbai on a motorcycle and through the jam-packed streets with festive revelers in the pouring rain as she tries to lose Sofia’s sister tracking her.

• Start: Priya is on a motorbike weaving through back alleys

• Challenging Situation: a thunderstorm and pouring rain and the streets jammed with festival revelers.

• Conflict: ominous figures are tracking her

• Action: The chase.

• Finish: she loses her tail.

INT. SURVEILLANCE ROOM – NIGHT

Mandeep sees Priya get off her bike in the pouring rain. He spots a grainy image of a figure who watches her. Mandeep captures the image and zooms in on the face, he enhances the grainy image to see Sofia’s sister. Mandeep mistakes the twin her for Sofia and suspects her to be the mole. Mandeep rewinds the tape a few times to confirm its Sofia. Arjun and Sofia walk in when Mandeep finishes erasing the tape.

• Start: Mandeep sees Priya get off her bike in the pouring rain

• Challenging Situation: He spots a grainy image of a figure who watches her

• Action: Mandeep captures the image and zooms in on the face, he enhances the grainy image to see Sofia’s sister

• Conflict: Mandeep mistakes the twin her for Sofia and suspects her to be the mole

• Finish: Mandeep rewinds the tape a few times to confirm its Sofia. Arjun and Sofia walk in when Mandeep finishes erasing the tape.

EXT/INT. ABANDONED MANSION – NIGHT

Priya leaves the diner abruptly after discovering the cryptic message in a secret compartment in her backpack and rashly rides her motorbike to reach the mansion. She pulls out the message and uses the book to decode it. She stumbles upon a bizarre code in the ledger that doesn’t match traditional bookkeeping. Priya maps the code to a digital vault. She calls Arjun to tell him the pages are blank because the rest of the code is on digital crypto files.

• Start: Priya leaves the diner abruptly after discovering the cryptic message a secret compartment in her backpack rashly rides her motorbike to reach the mansion

• Challenging Situation: Priya pulls out the message and uses the book to decode it

• Conflict: Priya stumbles upon a bizarre code in the ledger that doesn’t match traditional bookkeeping.

• Action: Priya maps the code to a digital vault

• Finish: Priya calls Arjun to tell him the pages are blank because the rest of the code is on digital crypto files.

EXT. HAWALA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Raghav is looking at the digital ledger on the screen. The ledger has a list of sleeper RAW agents detailed profiles and last known missions. lt is not just transactions but holds dangerous secrets that can decimate countries. Raghav checks the stock market and sets his new code to the closing indices. Sofia’s sister walks in and pours herself a drink before telling him it’s done.

• Start: Raghav is looking at the digital ledger on the screen

• Challenging Situation: the ledger has a list of sleeper RAW agents detailed profiles and last known missions

• Conflict: the ledger is not just transactions but holds dangerous secrets that can decimate countries

• Action: Raghav checks the stock market and sets his new code to the closing indices

• Finish: Sofia’s sister walks in and pours herself a drink before telling him it’s done.

INT. ABANDONED MANSION – NIGHT

Priya goes through her father’s things and packs them up. She grieves for her father. She wants to avenge him and find out who he really is. She finds a familiar symbol on the wall behind the bookshelf and runs her finds around the grove. She pushes the pendent in her necklace to match the grove in the wall and opens a secret vault. Priya enters.

• Start: Priya goes through her father’s things and packs them up

• Challenging Situation: She grieves for her father

• Conflict: Priya wants to avenge him and find out who he really is.

• Action: Priya finds a familiar symbol on the wall behind the bookshelf and runs her finds around the grove.

• Finish: Priya pushes the pendent in her necklace to match the grove in the wall and opens a hidden vault. Priya enters.

EXT. RAW SITUATION ROOM – NIGHT

RAW agents track a safe house on their surveillance monitors. The phone rings to tell the receiver that he’s just triggered a bomb. RAW agents watch as a safe house gets blown up. Two figures escape (Arjun and Priya) while the RAW agents scramble. Raghav calls someone to say that a file has been closed (taking Priya’s father’s alias).

• Start: RAW agents track a safe house on their surveillance

• Action: The phone rings to tell the receiver that he’s just triggered a bomb

• Challenging Situation: RAW agents watch as a safe house gets blown up

• Conflict: Two figures escape (Arjun and Priya) while the RAW agents scramble

• Finish: Raghav calls someone to say that a file has been closed (taking Priya’s father’s alias)

EXT. HIDDEN VAULT – NIGHT

Priya recalls her mother abandoning her father after a heated fight. Priya past comes to her in flashes. Priya recognizes her father’s friend who looks like a young Lina. A woman she called mama helps her solve bizarre puzzles. She can’t recall her face. Priya goes through the vault to learns of a secret society that has been manipulating the financial markets for generations.

• Start: Priya recalls her mother abandoning her father after a heated fight

• Challenging Situation: Priya past comes to her in flashes

• Conflict: Priya recognizes her father’s friend who looks like a young Lina

• Action: A woman she called mama helps her solve bizarre puzzles. She can’t recall her face.

• Finish: Priya goes through the vault to learns of a secret society that has been manipulating the financial markets for generations.

INT. HAWALA CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT

Priya as she exits the BSE vault kisses her pendant and the video freezes. Someone is watching a video feed on a big screen and gasps. The person has a similar pendant that she holds up to match that on the screen. Who is this and what does she want with Priya. The unknown character exhibits a mannerism that is just like that of Priya.

• Start: Priya as she exits the BSE vault kisses her pendant and the video freezes

• Action: Someone is watching a video feed on a big screen and gasps

• Challenging Situation: The person has a similar pendant that she holds up to match that on the screen

• Conflict: Who is this and what does she want with Priya

• Finish: The unknown character exhibits a mannerism that is just like that of Priya.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Open Loops and Mysteries

“What I learned doing this assignment is… that I have much better clarity on my pilot outline and introducing open loops and having clear mysteries to setup the opening and cliffhangers is a great way to make the pilot intriguing and bingeworthy.”

Open Loops and Mysteries:

Title: Hawala Heist

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color); background-color: var(–bb-content-background-color);”>Format/Genre: One-Hour Heist Thriller Series

Pilot Concept: Rookie agent, Priya joins a heist team to decode messages to stop a terror attack that is used as a distraction for the sale of a ledger on the Hawala market.

Mystery 1: Who is the mole in the heist team who gave away their plan

Mystery 2: What is the ghost ledger and how do you steal it?

Impossible Goal: To steal the elusive ledger and bring down the powerful underground banking network of hawala

Major Conflict: Priya and the heist team have a mole that is working with the Hawala network they are trying to bring down by stealing the ghost ledger.

Mysteries & Open Loops added to the Outline are:

TEASER:

(OL) Why do the cryptic messages from the hawala remind Priya of the puzzles she solved in childhood?

(M) Who is the shadowy figure tracking Priya’s movements?

(M) How was the safe house raided shortly after Priya’s arrival?

(OL) Who installed surveillance equipment in their safe house?

(OL) Who is this unknown ally and how do they know more about her than she does herself?

ACT 1:

(M) Who did Sofia see at the nightclub that got her so rattled and scared?

(OL) Her professor bumps into her and her father at a diner – her two worlds collide in a dangerous and revealing way when her father is recognized as a past Hawala member.

<b style=”background-color: var(–bb-content-background-color); font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>(M) What is Priya’s father’s connection to the Hawala?

(M) What is Priya’s professor’s true identity?

(OL) Priya be blamed again but for something far more serious than cheating from the girl – murder?

<b style=”background-color: var(–bb-content-background-color); font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>(OL) How did the RAW agents know about Priya’s class project?

<b style=”background-color: var(–bb-content-background-color); font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>(OL) How will Priya keep her secret life as a RAW agent from her ailing father?

ACT 2:

(OL) Every member of the heist team has hidden secrets and agendas – each can potentially be the mole but who is the real mole?

(OL) Who is Arjun secretly communicating with outside the team?

(OL) Who is the secret online lover Meera is communicating with? Is it code for something more sinister?

(M) Does Sofia ever show her real self to anyone including Mandeep or is she always in character?

(OL) Why is Lina so familiar with Priya almost as if she’s known her from before?

(M) What are Meera and Sofia hiding from the rest of the team, especially Priya?

(M) What is the secret ledger sale?

(M) Why is Harsh sending cash boxes to terrorists?

(M) How do Arjun and Sofia know Harsh?

(M) who hacked their system and did Meera aid them? Is she the mole?

(OL) Why is Priya receiving these messages?

ACT 3:

(M) glimpses into the ledger’s contents through encrypted messages that Priya decrypts, teasing its importance and the devastating consequences if it falls into the wrong hands.

<b style=”background-color: var(–bb-content-background-color); font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>(OL) What do the cryptic flashes of the ledger content mean?

(OL) How does Priya have these memories?

(M) Who stole the ledger and why?

(OL) Why did Arjun accuse Priya of theft? Did she do it?

(M) Why does Sofia push Mandeep away?

(M) How does Lina know details about the Hawala’s operations? Who is she talking to?

(OL) Was Priya’s induction into the team a coincide or an elaborate plan all along and who’s secretly pulling the strings behind the scenes?

ACT 4:

(M) What is the nature of Lina and her father’s relationship?

(OL) What is Priya’s true identity and how is she related to the ledger?

(M) Will Mandeep share his discovery of the mole with the rest of the team or let his love cloud his judgement?

(M) Will Lina disclose her true motivations? How will this affect the team who rely on her expertise?

(OL) Was Priya’s father killed by the Hawala or was it natural causes as stated in his autopsy?

ACT 5:

(M) Will Arjun be able to protect the team under stress or will his PTSD make him unfit to lead?

(M) How does Harsh know Meera?

(M) Why is the shadowy figure caught on the grainy CCTV footage following Priya to the safe house strikingly similar to Sofia?

(OL) Why does Raghav relax security around the ledger leading up to the sale?

(OL) Lina was her parent’s friend. Is she the mole?

(OL) Priya recalls how a woman she called mother helped her solve the puzzles. Who was she really?

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Episode List Rough Draft

“What I learned doing this assignment is… that it’s easier to see the episodes when you lay out the various components and set up the mysteries and layers to make each episode intriguing.”

SEASON 1 Beginning: Rookie RAW agent Priya Rao joins a crew of international thieves to retrieve a crucial ledger. They face local hawaldars and the treachery within the murky finance world, all while Priya deals with her father’s scandal.

SEASON 1 Ending/Cliffhanger: The crew discovers that the ledger they’ve been chasing is only a part of a larger, more complex puzzle. Priya’s father is arrested, putting her loyalty into question.

Mysteries for SEASON 1:

Mystery Set Up: What is the link between the ledger and the terror attack

Mystery Solved: Priya and Meera discover codded messages between terrorists and Hawala. The team tracks down the ledger moving in a complex network of couriers and safe houses. The true architect of the terror attack is a high-ranking government official in a major world power, using the Hawala Network for their own agenda.

Mystery Setup: Misdirection Through Black Market Deals: The team is led to believe that the Ghost Node is a myth propagated by black market dealers to inflate prices. Various heists targeting these dealers turn up false leads and fabricated stories, muddying the waters.

Mystery Solved: The Ghost Node’s Creator: The team discovers that the Ghost Node was created by a rogue member of the Hawala Network, a shadowy figure known as “The Architect,” who is actually one of the founding members gone into hiding.

Mystery Set Up: Ghost Node Puzzle: Meera during a routine hack triggers a failsafe in the network causing a complete blackout

Mystery Solved: The blackout is caused by a mysterious ghost node. The team with the help of Priya and Meera begin a high-stakes operation to track down the ghost nodes through cyber trails with cryptic puzzles and digital traps set by cybercriminals and government agencies. The ghost nodes are key to controlling the entire Hawala operation.

Mystery Setup: Fake Ledgers: The team initially discovers ledgers that turn out to be fakes, designed to throw off pursuers. These fakes are protected by the same caliber of security as the real ledger, suggesting their authenticity and leading to false confidence.

Mystery Solved: The Ledger is Multi-Layered: The ledger is not just a list of transactions, but also contains a multi-layered encryption that hides a secondary ledger detailing a planned economic coup to destabilize multiple governments.

Mystery Set Up: The location of the ledger is concealed within an intricate network of shell companies and off-the-books transactions.

Mystery Solved: The ledger contains not just financial transactions, but also incriminating political secrets. Each heist uncovers a piece of the ledger and a part of the secret history, with the final reveal showing a high-profile global summit as the key to piecing together the ledger’s ultimate hiding place. The ledger is a decentralized digital ledger accessible only through a series of biometric keys held by top-ranking members of the network, including The Cobra. It is not in one piece but fragmented across different locations tied to a series of historical financial crimes that once uncovered, could incriminate some of the world’s most powerful individuals.

Mystery Setup: A series of high-profile cyber-attacks are initially believed to be independent incidents.

Mystery Solved: The Quantum Algorithm: The team uncovers that these attacks were orchestrated to test a quantum algorithm capable of breaking modern encryption.

Mystery Setup: Conflicting Loyalties: Tensions arise as team members are shown to have conflicting loyalties. These are initially explained as stress under pressure, but are actually signs of deeper infiltration by the Hawala Network.

Mystery Solved: The Mole Within the Team: Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow) discovers evidence that suggests there’s a mole within the team, reporting to an unknown mastermind who seems to be orchestrating both sides of the conflict.

Mystery Setup: The Mole’s Identity: The team uncovers evidence of a mole within the intelligence community who is orchestrating the cover-up. A government official publicly leads a global task force against financial crimes, positioning themselves as the foremost fighter against the kind of terrorism they’re secretly orchestrating.

Mystery Solved: Misinformation leads the team to suspect various innocuous figures in the intelligence community, but the real mole is a high-ranking official, using their position to manipulate investigations.

Mystery Setup: Priya’s father, Vijay Rao, a respected banker, is accused of orchestrating a massive financial fraud involving the laundering of billions of rupees through the Hawala network. The scandal is publicized through a series of leaked documents that suggest Vijay created shell companies to funnel illegal funds internationally, implicating him as the mastermind behind a shadowy financial empire.

Mystery Solved: A whistleblower from within the bank reaches out to Priya, suggesting that Vijay was set up as a scapegoat to protect higher-ups in the financial world and in the government. Priya uncovers encrypted communications between the true culprits, revealing that her father was forced into compliance under threats to his family. He was made to appear guilty through forged documents and coerced transactions. Vijay had been trying to expose the network from the inside but was outmaneuvered and framed before he could act. The actual mastermind is revealed to be a high-ranking official with deep ties to the global financial market, who had been using the Hawala network to finance illegal activities and destabilize economies for personal gain.

Mystery Setup: Arjun’s sister is portrayed in flashbacks as a humanitarian aid worker, her involvement with the network completely obscured and only hinted at through cryptic clues.

Mystery Solved: Arjun’s sister was not just a victim; she was involved with the Hawala Network, unknowingly part of a larger scheme.

Mystery Setup: Meera’s history is scrubbed clean by her former organization, which plants evidence suggesting she’s been killed, removing any trace of her past connections.

Mystery Solved: Meera’s former cybercriminal organization is backed by an alliance of intelligence agencies that use criminal networks for off-the-books operations.

Mystery Setup: Mandeep’s investigations are continuously misdirected by planted evidence, making him suspect loyal agents instead of the actual moles.

Mystery Solved: Mandeep Singh discovers the Indian Intelligence Service has been infiltrated at the highest levels by the Hawala Network, questioning his loyalty.

Mystery Setup: Lina’s records are altered to show her as a victim of the network’s manipulation, with fake testimonies corroborating her innocence.

Mystery Solved: Lina Chen’s involvement with the Hawala Network was not as unwitting as she claims; she had her own reasons for joining their financial schemes.

Mystery Setup: Sofia receives intel that her sister died during a network operation, with doctored footage of her last moments, to prevent her from digging deeper.

Mystery Solved: Sofia’s missing sister is alive and has been operating as a mole within the Hawala Network, providing information to an unknown entity.

Mystery Setup: Raghav frequently moves the physical ledger, engaging in elaborate transactions that seem important, but are actually diversions from the true digital ledger.

Mystery Solved: Raghav Patel’s ledger is a decoy; the real ledger is digital, hidden within the blockchain, making it nearly impossible to locate and decode.

Mystery Setup: Initial signs point to a rogue state as the architect behind the quantum leap, distracting the team from the Network’s involvement.

Mystery Solved: The team discovers that the Hawala Network is experimenting with quantum computing to create unbreakable encryption.

Mystery Setup: The team keeps encountering operations that seem like Hawala’s doing but are actually orchestrated by The Architect to cover his tracks and pit nations against each other.

Mystery Solved: The team uncovers that The Architect is actually a high-ranking government official from a foreign country, who’s been manipulating the Hawala Network for political gain.

Mystery Setup: Technological Misdirection: The team initially believes the ledger’s anomalies are due to outdated tech or human error, not realizing it’s an advanced AI system camouflaging its digital traces.

Mystery Solved: The Ledger’s True Nature: It’s discovered that the ledger not only contains financial information but also acts as a key to a digital vault where a dangerous AI is stored, capable of disrupting global financial systems.

Plot Layers revealed in Season 1:

Plot Surface: A suspended RAW agent puts together a team to steal the ghost ledger

LAYER 1: key to finding the Ghost ledger is to find the ghost node within the Hawala network

LAYER 2: Double Heist Revelation: the ledger is in fact, a decoy. The real ledger is embedded within the blockchain, disguised as a series of seemingly innocuous transactions

Character Layers revealed in Season 1:

1. Secret Identity: Priya Rao discovers that her own family has ties to the Hawala network, raising questions about her true allegiance.

2. Arjun’s Dilemma: It’s revealed that Arjun once had the chance to kill The Cobra but refrained, leading to the event that killed his sister.

3. Meera’s Betrayal: Meera is coerced into feeding information to her former organization by threatening her loved ones, forcing her to play a dangerous game of double agent.

4. Sofia’s Discovery: Sofia finds her sister, only to learn she has willingly become part of the Hawala Network’s core operations, challenging Sofia’s allegiances.

5. Mandeep’s Conflict: Mandeep’s mission is compromised when he develops genuine bonds with the team, especially with Arjun, whom he starts to admire, leading to a conflict between his duty and his newfound loyalty.

6. Lina’s Redemption: Lina’s past with the Hawala Network involves a lost love who was an undercover agent trying to expose the network. Her quest for redemption is also a path to avenge her lost love.

Main Storyline (STORY A): Search for the Ledger & Heists

Storyline 2 (STORY B): Team Relationships

Storyline 3 (STORY C): Hawala’s decoy efforts

Episode 1: Priya’s initiation into the heist crew while grappling with her father’s scandal reveals a mole within the team when coded messages are discovered.

Episode 2: Priya cracks the coded message as the team investigates a cybercriminal syndicate. Meera erases her tracks while she evades the trap set by the network. Sofia’s double-dealings are revealed as Cobra watches their every move.

Episode 3: Lina’s dire predictions force the team to change their plans. Priya finds out about Lina’s involvement in implicating her father.

Episode 4: Sofia infiltrates a gala to plant a decoy as she searches for her missing sister while struggling between loyalty and love. Priya disobeys orders to create a distraction for Sofia to escape and is shocked to recognize patterns from her childhood.

Episode 5: Priya starts connecting the dots between her father’s case and the ledger. The team’s plan goes awry, leading to a chase. Priya is captured by “The Cobra.”

Episode 6: The team plans a rescue mission for Priya. A twist reveals that Priya’s father may have been set up. The rescue mission is successful, but the ledger is moved.

Episode 7: The team uncovers the existence of multiple ghost nodes. The team splits up to follow different leads. One of the ghost nodes is found, but it’s a trap.

Episode 8: The crew confronts “Hyena” and “Cobra” to obtain the ledger, but it is only a part of the larger puzzle. Priya’s loyalty is questioned when she discovers family ties to the Hawala network.

Episode 1: The Initiation

• Teaser: Priya Rao is introduced in a high-stakes chase that showcases her pattern recognition skills when she helps RAW agents trap a Hawala operator.

• Main Character Journey: Priya joins the team and struggles to earn their trust while grappling with her father’s scandal.

• Action/Reaction: The team’s first mission together; they successfully infiltrate a minor Hawala outlet.

• Midpoint: The team discovers that the minor outlet is just the tip of the iceberg.

• Major Challenge/Conflict: Local hawaldars and tensions arise within the team, especially between Priya and the distrustful Mandeep. Coded messages in the Hawala network are discovered.

• Cliffhanger: The team learns of a mole, and Mandeep suspects Priya when media exposes her father’s scandal.

Episode 2: The Web of Deceit

• Teaser: Meera, “Ghost,” is shown erasing her tracks from a previous cyber-attack.

• Main Character Journey: Priya proves her worth by cracking a complex security system by deciphers the coded message.

• Action/Reaction: The team investigates a cybercriminal syndicate and evades a trap set by the network, hinting at a leak within.

• Midpoint: Meera reveals her past with the cybercriminal syndicate

• Major Challenge/Conflict: Arjun’s vendetta against “The Cobra” starts clouding his judgment. The team is divided on how to proceed. Meera must now navigate this digital labyrinth, a complex and ever-evolving puzzle that puts even her considerable skills to the test. One wrong move and she could expose not only herself but the entire team to the network’s enforcers.

• Cliffhanger: Sofia’s double dealings are hinted at, and her connection to the enemy revealed. “The Cobra” is watching the team’s every move.

Episode 3: The Shadows of the Past

• Teaser: Lina, “Oracle,” makes a dire prediction that sets the episode’s stakes.

• Main Character Journey: Priya confronts her father’s legacy and his possible guilt.

• Action/Reaction: The team reacts to Lina’s prediction by changing their plan.

• Midpoint: A flashback reveals a link between Arjun’s sister’s death and “The Cobra.”

• Major Challenge/Conflict: Mandeep’s investigation into the mole intensifies, putting Sofia at risk.

• Cliffhanger: Priya finds out about Lina’s involvement in implicating her father.

Episode 4: The Chameleon’s Dilemma

• Teaser: Sofia’s multiple identities are shown in a montage.

• Main Character Journey: Priya questions her allegiance as her father’s situation worsens. Sofia’s struggle between loyalty and love.

• Action/Reaction: The team pulls off a decoy operation to mislead the network.

• Midpoint: Sofia’s secret communication with the enemy is intercepted.

• Major Challenge/Conflict: Arjun’s obsession with revenge leads to a reckless decision. Sofia infiltrates a gala hosted by Raghav and plants surveillance devices. Priya disobeys orders to create a distraction for Sofia to escape and is shocked to recognize patterns from her childhood.

• Cliffhanger: Sofia’s sister is shown in danger, held by the network.

Episode 5: The Oracle’s Vision

• Teaser: Lina foresees a major financial shift that could expose the ledger.

• Main Character Journey: Priya starts connecting the dots between her father’s case and the ledger.

• Action/Reaction: The team attempts to use the financial shift to their advantage.

• Midpoint: “The Hyena” tightens his grip on the network, sensing unrest.

• Major Challenge/Conflict: The team’s plan goes awry, leading to a chase.

• Cliffhanger: Priya is captured by “The Cobra.”

Episode 6: The Eye of the Storm

• Teaser: Priya in captivity facing “The Cobra.”

• Main Character Journey: Priya learns of her father’s deeper involvement.

• Action/Reaction: The team plans a rescue mission for Priya.

• Midpoint: A twist reveals that Priya’s father may have been set up.

• Major Challenge/Conflict: Rescue mission is successful, but the ledger is moved.

• Cliffhanger: Mandeep confronts Sofia about her betrayal.

Episode 7: The Hydra’s Head

• Teaser: “The Cobra” meets with an unknown figure, hinting at a bigger conspiracy.

• Main Character Journey: Priya’s belief in her father’s innocence strengthens.

• Action/Reaction: The team uncovers the existence of multiple ghost nodes.

• Midpoint: Arjun’s past with “The Cobra” is revealed, complicating the mission.

• Major Challenge/Conflict: The team splits up to follow different leads.

• Cliffhanger: One of the ghost nodes is found, but it’s a trap.

Episode 8: The Final Key

• Teaser: A flashback to the event that led to the ledger’s creation.

• Main Character Journey: Priya leads the final charge against the network to stop the terror attack.

• Action/Reaction: The team confronts “The Hyena” and “The Cobra.”

• Midpoint: The true mastermind behind the terror attack is revealed.

• Major Challenge/Conflict: A last stand to retrieve the ledger and clear Priya’s father.

• Cliffhanger/Season Ending: They obtain a ledger, but it’s part of a larger puzzle. Priya’s father is arrested, and her loyalty is questioned. The crew must decide their next move.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Plot and Character Layers

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to create intriguing plot and character layers for my series”

ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show

My Example Show: Mr Robot

Plot Layers:

Plot Surface: A cybersecurity tech must stop a hack to protect his client Evil Corp

Layer 1: He is the one who plants the hack.

Layer 2: He refuses an offer by the acting CTO to join him at the high table.

Layer 3: He joins the hacker group Fsociety to take down Evil Corp

Layer 4: His mentor and boss Gideon finds out he’s the mole and the Secret Army warns him about his downfall.

Layer 5: He hacks his own security company to clear his name and get the Secret Army to join their takedown of Evil Corp.

Layer 6: Tyrell joins him to take down Evil Corp

Layer 7: He is Mr. Robot and he brings down Evil Corp by encrypting their data and freeing people of debt

Character Layers: Elliot

Character Surface: Elliot is a shy lonely cybersecurity techie

Layer 1: He is a vigilante hacker

Layer 2: He is a mole within his security company Allsafe who hacks his client Evil Corp he is meant to protect

Layer 3: He blames Evil Corp for knowingly infecting his father with a poisonous emission that killed him

Layer 4: He and Darlene from Society are brother and sister.

Layer 5: Mr Robot is his father and he’s been dead all along

Layer 6: He created fsociety and he is Mr Robot.

ASSIGNMENT 2: My Show

My Show: Ghost Ledger

Format/Genre: 1 hour Heist Thriller Series

Concept: A suspended RAW agent assembles a crew of expert international thieves to penetrate an enigmatic hawala network operation outside India to retrieve a coveted ledger that can upend governments and bring the financial world to its knees.

Plot & Character Layers (Without AI)

Plot Surface: A suspended RAW agent puts together a team to steal the ghost ledger.

Layer 1: The key to finding the Ghost ledger is to find the ghost node within the Hawala network.

Layer 2: The ghost ledger is not one single document but broken up into several pieces each stored in an impossibly secure vault in secret locations around the world.

Layer 3: The ghost ledger is not just a document with names and transactions but actually a map for a more sinister prototype called “Operation Pheonix” that is much bigger than the hawala network.

Layer 4: The prototype will destroy an entire nation unless the team can stop it but if they do they will never find the new system.

Layer 5: The new system will overhaul the entire world economy.

Character Surface: Arjun is a suspended RAW agent who wants to find the ghost ledger to clear his name

Layer 1: Hidden Agenda: We suspect, he is the mole with his past relationships within the Hawala network.

Layer 2: Secret: He wants to avenge his sister.

Layer 3: Conspiracy: He recruited each person on his team as they have a relationship with the Hawala network and he wants to exploit it for his own revenge.

Layer 4: Wound: He triggered the terror attack that killed his sister

Layer 5: Betrayal: Sofia is the mole who betrays his trust to find her sister.

Plot & Character Layers (With AI)

Plot Layers:

1. Double Heist Revelation: As the team inches closer to retrieving the coveted ledger, they discover that the ledger they are after is, in fact, a decoy. The real ledger is embedded within the blockchain, disguised as a series of seemingly innocuous transactions, leading to a race against time to decode it.

2. Shift in Loyalty: In a twist, it’s revealed that the RAW itself has members who are part of the Hawala Network. Mandeep Singh’s investigation leads to the exposure of a high-ranking official in the Indian Intelligence Service as a key network operator.

3. Clandestine Benefactors: The team learns that a global syndicate of powerful figures, including politicians and business tycoons, are the true puppeteers of the Hawala Network, using it for their geopolitical games.

4. Cryptic Ally: An anonymous entity, known only as “The Nomad,” begins providing the team with crucial intel. The Nomad’s identity and agenda remain a mystery, driving speculation and mistrust within the team.

Deeper Plot Layers:

1. The Shadow Ledger: Beyond the physical ledger, there’s a digital “shadow ledger” that holds encrypted keys to offshore accounts and illicit deals. It’s not just a record of transactions but a treasure map to a vast hidden fortune. This ledger is rumored to exist, and its pursuit could involve a subplot of deciphering cryptic clues left by its creator.

2. The Network’s Patron: The Hawala Network is revealed to be a front for a more ancient and powerful secret society that has manipulated financial markets for centuries. This society has members in the highest echelons of power worldwide, and its exposure could be the team’s ultimate goal.

3. Coded Mythology: The operations of the Hawala Network are found to be intricately linked with ancient mythological tales. Each major player in the network adopts a mythological figure as an alias, and their transactions follow patterns that mirror these myths. Deciphering these could lead to predicting the network’s next move.

4. The Cobra’s Conscience: Harsh Mehta, The Cobra, is driven by more than just loyalty to Raghav Patel. He is a true believer in a cause that has yet to be revealed—perhaps a utopian vision that the network claims to fund with its activities, creating a moral ambiguity about his role.

5. The Ghost Signal: Meera, the hacker, encounters a mysterious signal in the digital realm that interferes with her operations. This signal is from an unknown group that is also working against the Hawala Network, and it leads to a cautious collaboration.

6. The Lazarus Protocol: There is a secret protocol within the network that can be initiated if the ledger or its contents are at risk of exposure. It involves erasing all traces of the network and starting anew, with no regard for the lives entangled in its web.

7. The Ethical Virus: Lina devises a financial virus that targets only illicit funds, a Robin Hood-esque solution to dismantle the network. But releasing it would have unpredictable effects on the global economy, placing the team in a moral quandary.

8. Sofia’s Paradox: Sofia’s missing sister is not just a victim but a key architect of the network’s security systems. Her involvement is by choice, driven by a vendetta against a common enemy, adding layers of family drama and conflicting loyalties.

9. The Zenith Event: The series could build towards a climactic event where the network plans to destabilize economies with a massive, simultaneous cash-out. Stopping this requires not just confronting the network but outmaneuvering the world’s financial defenses.

10. The Resurrection Initiative: Arjun discovers that The Cobra has a contingency plan called the “Resurrection Initiative,” a means to rebuild the network from scratch using hidden resources and sleeper agents around the world.

Character Layers:

1. Arjun’s Dilemma: It’s revealed that Arjun once had the chance to kill The Cobra but refrained, leading to the event that killed his sister. This secret haunts him, and his hesitation is a wound he must confront.

2. Meera’s Betrayal: Meera is coerced into feeding information to her former organization by threatening her loved ones, forcing her to play a dangerous game of double agent.

3. Sofia’s Discovery: Sofia finds her sister, only to learn she has willingly become part of the Hawala Network’s core operations, challenging Sofia’s allegiances.

4. Mandeep’s Conflict: Mandeep’s mission is compromised when he develops genuine bonds with the team, especially with Arjun, whom he starts to admire, leading to a conflict between his duty and his newfound loyalty.

5. Lina’s Redemption: Lina’s past with the Hawala Network involves a lost love who was an undercover agent trying to expose the network. Her quest for redemption is also a path to avenge her lost love.

6. Raghav’s Legacy: Unbeknownst to all, Raghav is terminally ill and is grooming a successor who might be closer to the team than they realize, adding an undercurrent of urgency to his actions.

7. Harsh’s Guilt: Harsh, under the alias The Cobra, secretly despises what he has become and the incident with Arjun’s sister. He begins to sabotage the network subtly, hoping for atonement.

Deeper Character Layers for Arjun:

1. Love Lost in Espionage: Arjun’s past could include a romantic relationship with a fellow agent who disappeared or was believed to be killed during a mission. This loss would have been a catalyst for his hardened persona but could resurface if this person is discovered to be alive and involved with the Hawala Network.

2. Intellectual Nemesis: Arjun could have a Moriarty-like figure from his past – a rival from his academy days who is his intellectual equal and now works for the opposite side, adding a personal and cerebral challenge to his mission.

3. Repressed Trauma: Finally, Arjun could be dealing with repressed trauma from an operation gone wrong, one that he led, resulting in collateral damage. This could haunt him, leading to moments of PTSD that he must hide from his team to maintain his image as an unflappable leader.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Show Relationship Map

“What I learned doing this assignment is…that the relationship map is quite critical to create layers and intrigue for the series to sustain over five seasons. I also learned to fill in the blanks and put something there even if I was drawing a blank on some categories. Also, it took a lot of work even with AI to fine-tune these maps.”

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Example Show: Mr. Robot

Relationship Map

Elliot Vs:

Mr. Robot

Surface: Activist Hacker

Common Ground: To bring down Evil Corp

Conflict: Disagree on the methods

History: No prior association but knew about Elliot’s Dad

Subtext: Keeps plans close to his chest

Relationship Arc: from strangers to rival hackers to fellow activists

Tyrell

Surface: Techie Exec

Common Ground: Techies; To protect Evil Corp

Conflict: Turns down a promotion offer

History: No prior association

Subtext: To show his superiority in hacking

Relationship Arc: from boss/underling to reluctant collaborators

Shayla

Surface: Drug Dealer / Hippie Neighbour-Girlfriend

Common Ground: Drugs

Conflict: With her Supplier who rapes her

History: No prior association

Subtext: knows his real self

Relationship Arc: from neighbour to drug dealer to lover

ASSIGNMENT 2:

Relationship Map of My Show

Title: Ghost Ledger

Genre: Heist Thriller (One Hour Serial)

Concept: A suspended RAW agent with the Indian Intelligence Service assembles a crew of expert international thieves to penetrate an enigmatic hawala network operation outside India, unveiling a web of international intrigue and betrayal.

Main Characters:

1. Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

• Unique Role: Former RAW agent turned mastermind behind the operation. He’s a brilliant strategist with knowledge of espionage and the Hawala Network.

2. Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

• Unique Role: A gifted hacker and expert in navigating the Ghost nodes of the Hawala Network. She’s the tech-savvy brains behind the operation.

3. Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

• Unique Role: Master of disguise and infiltration. Sofia can become anyone and slip into the most secure locations without being detected.

4. Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

• Unique Role: A highly skilled field operative with a history as a renowned thief. He excels in intelligence extraction and covert heists.

5. Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

• Unique Role: A brilliant financial analyst and a key member of the team. She provides crucial insights into the Hawala Network’s money flow and helps devise strategies to disrupt their financial operations.

6. Raghav Patel (AKA The Hyena)

• Unique Role: Raghav Patel is a charismatic and ruthless leader within the Hawala Network, masterminding its clandestine financial operations and ensuring its survival.

7. Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

• Unique Role: Harsh Mehta serves as Raghav Patel’s trusted enforcer within the Hawala Network, ensuring compliance, enforcing loyalty, and eliminating threats to the organization.

Relationship Maps:

Arjun Nair (AKA Raven) Vs:

Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

Surface: Tech ally

Common Ground: Stealing the Ghost Ledger

Conflict: Trust issues. Vanished from their lives and reappeared recently.

History: Besties with Arjun’s sister who betrayed her to the cybercriminal org

Subtext: Mutual dependency; Has a childhood crush on him

Relationship Arc: Friends to Forbidden Love to Hatred

Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

Surface: Mysterious infiltrator

Common Ground: Both staked their sisters to the network

Conflict: Mole within the team

History: Worked on unsanctioned covert ops in Eastern Europe

Subtext: Hidden Agendas; Enamoured by her but doesn’t know the real Sofia.

Relationship Arc: From enigma to discovering true identity

Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

Surface: Suspicious operative

Common Ground: Stealing the Ghost Ledger; in love with Sofia

Conflict: Disagreement on Arjun’s suspension

History: Took over his position at RAW

Subtext: Suspects Arjun as a double agent

Relationship Arc: from Colleagues to Competitors to Collaborators

Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

Surface: Financial analyst

Common Ground: Revenge against the Network

Conflict: Her involvement in the Hawala scheme led to his suspension

History: Met on a covert job playing poker at Macau

Subtext: Fear of exposure

Relationship Arc: From Advisor to Adversary to Mutual Redemption

Raghav Patel (AKA The Hyena)

Surface: Arch enemy

Common Ground: Both want the Ghost Ledger; Smitten by Sofia

Conflict: Leader-enemy dynamic

History: Long-time adversaries

Subtext: Power struggle

Relationship Arc: Confrontation/Defeat

Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

Surface: Personal vendetta

Common Ground: Terror attack

Conflict: Revenge focus

History: Attack on sister

Subtext: Unresolved grief

Relationship Arc: Revenge/Reconciliation

Meera Verma (AKA Ghost) Vs:

Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

Surface: Hacker Leader

Common Ground: Stealing the Ghost Ledger

Conflict: Trust Uncertainty.

History: Besties with his sister who betrayed her to the cybercriminal org

Subtext: Has a childhood crush on him; Mutual dependency

Relationship Arc: Friends to Forbidden Love to Hatred

Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

Surface: Mysterious infiltrator

Common Ground: Good at hiding their real selves.

Conflict: Arjun is smitten by her

History: Arjun’s old crush

Subtext: Wants to prove she’s superior

Relationship Arc: triangle with Arjun

Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

Surface: Stealth Operative

Common Ground: Uncovering the mole/betrayer; Surveillance – online vs on-ground

Conflict: Hidden Agendas

History: No direct history; Known through Arjun

Subtext: Hidden Intentions

Relationship Arc: From Teammates to Targets

Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

Surface: Financial Pro

Common Ground: Redemption

Conflict: Hidden Agendas

History: Connected through Arjun’s sister

Subtext: Past Remorse

Relationship Arc: From Unknown to Allies

Raghav Patel (AKA The Hyena)

Surface: Network Overlord

Common Ground: Terror Attack that killed Arjun’s sister

Conflict: Direct opposition

History: Former Cybercriminal org works with Hawala

Subtext: Cyber ghost on their network

Relationship Arc: Ongoing Confrontation

Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

Surface: Violent Enforcer

Common Ground: Terror Attack that killed Arjun’s sister

Conflict: Enemy of Ally

History: Former Cybercriminal org works with Hawala

Subtext: Cyber ghost on their network

Relationship Arc: Unpredictable Clash

Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon) Vs:

Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

Surface: Mission Leader

Common Ground: Both staked their sisters to the network

Conflict: Mole within the team

History: Worked on unsanctioned covert ops in Eastern Europe

Subtext: Hidden Agendas; No one knows the real Sofia.

Relationship Arc: From enigma to revealing true identity

Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

Surface: Tech Genius

Common Ground: Good at hiding their real selves.

Conflict: Arjun’s crush on her

History: Linked through Arjun

Subtext: Hide her true self

Relationship Arc: Triangle with Arjun

Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

Surface: Covert Expert

Common Ground: Stealing the Ghost Ledger

Conflict: Loyalty Questions

History: No Prior Interaction

Subtext: interplay of romance and covert motives

Relationship Arc: from passion to potential heartbreak

Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

Surface: Financial Wizard

Common Ground: Secret: Helped the Hawala network

Conflict: Past Deceit

History: Macau Job

Subtext: Seeking Redemption

Relationship Arc: Forgiveness/Acceptance

Raghav Patel (AKA The Hyena)

Surface: Ultimate Adversary

Common Ground: Wellbeing of sister

Conflict: Blackmail

History: Funded her Acting career as an arms dealer in Eastern Europe

Subtext: Intense Hostility; Smitten by her enigmatic presence

Relationship Arc: Confrontation/Battle

Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

Surface: Target of Investigation

Common Ground: Kidnapping of sister

Conflict: Hostile Intent

History: Worked together in the bars – dancer and bouncer

Subtext: Unveiled Secrets

Relationship Arc: Revelation/Conflict

Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow) Vs:

Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

Surface: Team Leader

Common Ground: Stealing the Ghost Ledger; in love with Sofia

Conflict: Disagreement on Arjun’s suspension

History: Took over his position at RAW

Subtext: Suspects Arjun as a double agent

Relationship Arc: From Colleagues to Competitors to Collaborators

Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

Surface: Cyber Expert

Common Ground: Uncovering the mole/betrayer; Surveillance – online vs on-ground

Conflict: Hidden Agendas

History: No direct history; Known through Arjun

Subtext: Hidden Intentions

Relationship Arc: From Teammates to Targets

Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

Surface: Disguise Artist

Common Ground: Stealing the Ghost Ledger

Conflict: Loyalty Questions

History: No Prior Interaction

Subtext: Complex interplay of love and deception

Relationship Arc: From attraction to clarity to betrayal

Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

Surface: Financial Guru

Common Ground: Stealing the Ghost Ledger

Conflict: Secretive Past

History: No Prior Interaction

Subtext: Skeptic of her predictions

Relationship Arc: from cynic to believer

Raghav Patel (AKA The Hyena)

Surface: Main Adversary

Common Ground: Both looking for a mole

Conflict: Direct Conflict

History: Historical Enemy

Subtext: Intense Animosity

Relationship Arc: Confrontation & Defeat

Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

Surface: Ruthless Opponent

Common Ground: Physical prowess & torture

Conflict: Vengeful Opposition

History: Marked by conflict, hostility

Subtext: Wants to show physical superiority

Relationship Arc: Continuous Conflict

Lina Chen (AKA Oracle) Vs:

Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

Surface: Mission Leader

Common Ground: Revenge against the Network

Conflict: Her involvement in the Hawala scheme led to his suspension

History: Met on a covert job playing poker at Macau

Subtext: Fear of exposure

Relationship Arc: From Advisor to Adversary to Mutual Redemption

Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

Surface: Tech Expert

Common Ground: Redemption

Conflict: Hidden Agendas

History: Connected through Arjun’s sister

Subtext: Past Remorse

Relationship Arc: From Unknown to Allies

Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

Surface: Disguise Expert

Common Ground: Secret: Helped the Hawala network

Conflict: Past Deceit

History: Macau Job

Subtext: Seeking Redemption

Relationship Arc: Forgiveness/Acceptance

Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

Surface: Tactical Expert

Common Ground: Stealing the Ghost Ledger

Conflict: Secretive Past

History: No Prior Interaction

Subtext: Skeptic of her predictions

Relationship Arc: from cynic to believer

Raghav Patel (AKA The Hyena)

Surface: Nemesis

Common Ground: Deeply enmeshed in the criminal networks, on opposing sides

Conflict: Direct Opposition

History: Prior Victim: Unknowingly helped the network in the past

Subtext: Past Victimhood

Relationship Arc: Inevitable Confrontation

Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

Surface: Dark Enforcer

Common Ground: A shared history in the dark realms of crime and manipulation

Conflict: Concealed Animosity

History: Historical animosity for unknowingly helping the network

Subtext: Hidden Rage

Relationship Arc: Unmasking Realities

Raghav Patel (AKA The Hyena) Vs:

Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

Surface: Formidable Foe

Common Ground: Both want the Ghost Ledger; Smitten by Sofia

Conflict: Leader-enemy dynamic

History: Long-time Enemies

Subtext: Deep Hostility

Relationship Arc: Ongoing Confrontation

Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

Surface: Technological Threat

Common Ground: Terror Attack that killed Arjun’s sister

Conflict: Cyber Conflicts

History: Former Cybercriminal org works with Hawala

Subtext: Mutual Deception

Relationship Arc: Technological Showdown

Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

Surface: Stealth Adversary

Common Ground: Wellbeing of sister

Conflict: Blackmail

History: Funded her Acting career as an arms dealer in Eastern Europe

Subtext: Smitten by her enigmatic presence

Relationship Arc: Revealing Intentions

Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

Surface: Covert Threat

Common Ground: Both looking for a mole

Conflict: Subterfuge Battles

History: Operational Clashes

Subtext: Distrust and Suspicion

Relationship Arc: Unfolding Confrontations

Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

Surface: Financial Nuisance

Common Ground: financial manipulation

Conflict: Financial Feuds

History: Prior Victim: Unknowingly helped the network in the past

Subtext: Past Victimhood

Relationship Arc: Inevitable Confrontation

Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

Surface: Loyal Enforcer

Common Ground: Loyalty to Network

Conflict: Obedience vs. Morality

History: Shared Dark Secrets

Subtext: Depths of Loyalty

Relationship Arc: Evolving Loyalties

Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra) Vs:

Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

Surface: Mortal Enemy

Common Ground: Terror attack

Conflict: Vengeance Focus

History: Attack on sister

Subtext: Unresolved Hatred

Relationship Arc: Path to Confrontation

Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

Surface: Digital Adversary

Common Ground: Terror Attack that killed Arjun’s sister

Conflict: Cyber Conflict

History: Former Cybercriminal org works with Hawala

Subtext: Cyber ghost on their network

Relationship Arc: Battles in the Shadows

Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

Surface: Invisible Threat

Common Ground: Kidnapping of sister

Conflict: Mystery and Uncertainty

History: Worked together in the bars – dancer and bouncer

Subtext: Unveiled Secrets

Relationship Arc: Unfolding Mysteries

Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

Surface: Stealth Opposition

Common Ground: Physical prowess & torture

Conflict: Shadow Conflicts

History: strategic confrontations and covert battles

Subtext: Wants to show physical superiority

Relationship Arc: Covert Confrontations

Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

Surface: Economic Rival

Common Ground: clandestine networks of crime and deceit

Conflict: Financial Foes

History: Historical animosity for unknowingly helping the network

Subtext: Hidden Rivalries

Relationship Arc: Financial Warfare

Raghav Patel (AKA The Hyena)

Surface: Loyal Ally

Common Ground: Criminal Association

Conflict: Obedience and Secrecy

History: Dark Collaborations

Subtext: Trust and Suspicion

Relationship Arc: Test of Loyalties

[Sunil Pappu]

Hi Larry,

Good to see you too!

Cheers

Sunil

[Sunil Pappu]

Hi Bobby,

Good to see you again.

Cheers

Sunil

[Sunil Pappu]

Hi Eclipse,

Glad to see you too!

Cheers

Sunil

[Sunil Pappu]

Hi Adite,

Same here. I think you might be the first one I’ve come across since taking Hal’s various courses from Thriller, Horror, Contained, MSC and BWTV over the last few years.

Congratulations on optioning your book. I’m excited for you!

Looking forward to working with you in the class as well.

Cheers

Sunil

[Sunil Pappu]

Hi Susan,

Sure, thanks for your message. Yes, I would be happy to exchange when you are ready with yours. Do send me your outline at sunilrpappu@gmail.com

Looking forward to the exchange.

Cheers

Sunil