Alex Surer
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Alex has Completed Act 2 Draft 1
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” I can get back in after a break.
I was gone for over a week, did have short attempts to get back in during the Berlin Film Festival, but could not divide my attention that well. Going back in today, I might have spent a bit too much time with 2-1 instead of moving on, trying to fix details… but am moving forward to 2-2 now.
Key Scene 1: Reaction to the Turning Point. The Old Ways are not enough.
INT. OONA’S ROOM
Oona is awoken by Bernhard apologizing (is she still visible to him? Or do they just hear each other speaking?)
Tries to get rid of him by doing Yoga. Standing on head. Listening to loud music. Exorcism dancing.
Barbara opens and asks what’s going on.
Oona says nothing and quickly closes the door.
INT. OONA’S FLAT – KITCHEN
Oona wants to tell her mother what happened but doesn’t want to get her worried… (or get herself committed again)
Barbara is not thrilled with Oona’s new friend choice…. questions if Rosemary is the right kind of person for Oona to be hanging out with.
Oona feels misunderstood. AND has bigger problems: A male voice from 1850 inside her head!!
OONA: You always want me to have a friend and now that I have one, you’re not ok with my choice?
Barbara bites her tongue.
Oona: I can hear you think you know! Your silence is deafening. (The voices in my head are NOT haha)
Oona is furious: First she’s a problem because she’s a loner, now she has the wrong friend.
No wonder her father didn’t want anything to do with her/them.
Oona decides to go for a run in the forest.
LENZBURG FOREST – 2024
Oona runs through the forest – focussing on something that’s real.
LENZBURG FOREST – 1850
Shocked by his own behavoir of leaving a girl in the snow to die, Bernhard is having a good boy phase.
He has taken a steady job as mason and has been staying out of trouble.
EXT. LENZBURG – 2024
Oona crosses the street, almost gets hit by a car. Bernhard yells at her and saves her life (he doesn’t tell her he can see through her eyes!)
After trying to silence Bernhard, Oona decides to play along.
They define ground rules.
Bernhard convinces Oona he means no harm. (For now). But wants to help her. Like a genie with one wish? He feels she is the Schutzengel he has been dreaming about.
What can he help her with? Selbstbewusstsein!
She does not tell him he will die. But what things from his history can she prove to him?
Key Scene 2: Protagonist makes a plan and executes it. NEW TALENTS
Oona decides to let Bernhard help her boost her confidence.
At first, Bernhard only HEARS… later he can also SEE 2024.
Oona starts seeing 2024 through Bernhard’s eyes, rewarding her with a new paradigm of reality.
She is never alone again! (Does that bug her?)
INT. SCHOOL 2024
Oona takes a history test 1848.
INT. SCHOOL 1850
Bernhard runs to his brother the teacher to get the answers.
Oona aces the test. Hot teacher is floored by details. Asks her to stay on… she was always a nerd, but now has this ear for detail.
INT. SCHOOL 2024
Rosemary feels bad about giving Oona drugs and avoids her.
Oona gets bullied by a boy and gives him a Bernhard comeback (threat?)
Plays poker? (What else can we do with a second set of eyes? Or can he only see through her eyes?)
PLACE HOLDER – MODERN WORLD MONTAGE
Philosophical FUN AND GAMES explaining 2024 to an alien from 1850. Excess, Opulence, Porn,
Possible Places: MIGROS, ATM, CARS, MOVIES, EMAIL, EMAIL SCAMS Prince gives you millions.
PLACE HOLDER
Bernhard’s comments sharpens Oona’s senses, gives her ideas for TWINSTA posts.
She deletes the Blackout one Rosemary told her to do and turns to: Twinsta Series: Cos play DAUGHTER OF THE REVOLUTION… WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?
Her comments on Lenzburg 1850-2024 are benign philosophy, economics, social responsibility… not yet activism.
She has cultural followers… people that are interested in museums, history, taking tours.
EXT. LENZBURG – DAY PARADIGM SHIFT
Oona explains and re-discovers Lenzburg 2024 with Bernhard (with the filming experience she has learned from Rosemary)
Oona is the healthiest she has ever been – even if she doesn’t sleep enough.
INT. MAYOR OFFICE LENZBURG – DAY
Tourists arrive from out of town Switzerland… even Austria and Germany… the US…
Oona becomes Nr 1 on Trip Advisor and Travel Channels
Tourists are flooding the town. Hotels are booked out.
Mayor office tries to understand why.
INT. SCHOOL –
Hot teacher wants to introduce Oona to German journalist friend of his from Zurich (WATSON? NZZ?): UTA UNGERMANN.
Oona has IMPOSTER SYNDROM and says no.
Rosemary is jealous. And feels guilty.
Oona has been spending less time with her, has excuses for being busy.
PLACE HOLDER – BERNHARD MATTER DMs START BLOWING UP
JOURNALISTS hound Oona on DM, want interviews, Podcasts invite her, Radio stations (… she considers doing one if she does not have to show her face?)
She is being offered products to promote and endorse.
INT. LIBRARY
Rosemary follows Oona to the library. Learns Oona is posting as Bernhard. (R-Mary does not follow travel channels after all, ha)
Confronts her.
Oona admits ever since that night, Bernhard has been speaking to her – first she wanted to exorcize him, but then they started getting along.
Rosemary speaks to Bernhard.
PLACE HOLDER
Rosemary anonymously tells Journalist Uta Ungermann the Influencer is a local Lenzburg girl.
PLACE HOLDER – TROUBLE IN PARADISE
Peace does not last.
Bernhard is getting riled up with all the ‘look don’t touch’.
He wants to go to the fancy places, wants to experience The Big Life.
With all this insane wealth and opulence, why doesn’t Oona get hers?
Why was he born in a destitute time. Why can’t he come to 2024… Oona came to 1850 after all.
He tries to influence Oona to take bigger risks / think criminal thoughts.
Tries to get her to be more like Rosemary the Gangster Moll. Shames Oona?
They start fighting a lot (schizophrenic yelling to herself on the street)
PLACE HOLDER
Oona thinks maybe she can help Bernhard/shut him up and takes him to her mother’s AA meeting.
So far Bernhard has only seen Barbara through the eyes of her avoidant daughter.
INT. AA MEETING – DAY
Bernhard falls in love with Barbara, the Delinquent Savior… and becomes obsessed she could repair him.
Barbara 2024 reminds him of Barbara 1850 and all he has lost.
He begs Oona to tell her mother about him so they can take a meeting.
Oona refuses to admit to her mom she is a full blown (but controlled) schizophrenic.
PLACE HOLDER
Oona and Rosemary have a falling out about how to use POWER – what to post.
The essence of Bernhard is BEING BAD and HAVING FUN.
Rosemary wants to do Crime Stories… and commit new crimes… how fun would that be.
Key Scene 3: Not only does their plan fail, but…
PLACE HOLDER – IN THE MEANTIME IN 1850
Influenced by the luxury to be had in 2024, Dark Bernhard rises again.
Commits a crime. (Is this the SMUGGLER PHASE???)
Plans to escape Aargau for the US.
Tries to get Barbara and his young daughter to go with him. She refuses. It’s too late. She no longer believes him. And has been in jail twice because of him. And she is seeing someone else.
Bernhard begs his father for the money to go to the US. Ready to board ship in Le Havre. But doesn’t pass the health test – idiot slept with prostitutes on the trip through Paris and gotten a venereal disease. And idiot that he is he goes home to Lenzburg.
PLACE HOLDER
Pressured by Rosemary, Oona accepts endorsements for free swag.
Her whole apartment is filled with boxes. Barbara wants to know WTF is going on.
She confronts Rosemary and agrees to protest something and rally followers.
If anything, they should use the power for good.
Oona has ‘a seance’ with Bernhard in front of Rosemary.
They get along thick as thieves!
Rosemary jests how fun it would be to sneak into the JVA.
PLACE HOLDER
They liberate a pig farm. (Maybe with help of the Juvenile Delinquents on leave?)
PLACE HOLDER
BENIGN HEIST (Rob something, steal Blocher’s paintings)
PLACE HOLDER 1850
Bernhard is captured (because he is occupied too much in 2024?) and goes to jail.
PLACE HOLDER
In the middle of the HEIST Oona freaks out because she can no longer hear Bernhard… because he is in jail.
Does she tell Rosemary? They have a really close call with the police.
Midpoint Turning Point
Key Scene 4: Turning Point = Midpoint – There’s a huge change in meaning!
PLACE HOLDER 2024
Rosemary tells Journalist Uta she herself is the local girl posting as Bernhard Matter.
She needs Bernhard at her side for her goal to be a gangster moll.
PLACE HOLDER 2024 – ROSEMARY WANTS TO REPLACE OONA (is Bernhard on board with this or not?)
Oona is glad Bernhard is gone. Life can go back to normal.
She tells Rosemary Bernhard is gone. (Maybe even admits it to her mother?)
Rosemary convinces Oona to go back to 1850 to check on him… since he will be executed soon.
Would Rosemary be willing to get rid of Oona/send her to her death?/ Does Rosemary try to go to 1850 herself?
(Good for end when Barbara goes with Oona – we establish it can’t be done)
Oona struggles. Especially since she doesn’t know what caused the trip in the first place… Rosemary does.
They try a bunch of things – but have to go to the Club again?
PLACE HOLDER 2024
Rosemary gets Oona drunk and slips her the ecstasy again. Oona is walking/talking in her sleep.
Rosemary is channeling Bernhard through an unconscious person (wow lol würg???) – she is like a rag doll, they are abusing a person not in control – kinda like Garp. Bernhard gives Rosemary instructions to break out the juvenile delinquents. DO YOU MATTER GANG.
PLACE HOLDER 1854
Oona lands in 1854 and speaks with Bernhard in jail? Or is he no longer in jail because he is being sentenced (we could have a court scene?)
PLACE HOLDER 2024
Rosemary hacks Oona’s TWINSTA account and starts posting Do You Matter Challenges.
EXT. JVA
With the help of Bernhard Oona channeling, Rosemary liberates ALPHA and BETA from JVA and is finally the Gangster Moll she always wanted to be.
PLACE HOLDER
Oona learns to gain control of the sleep traveling.
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Alex Midpoint Turning Point
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” I can get back in after a break.
I was gone for over a week, did have short attempts to get back in during the Berlin Film Festival, but could not divide my attention well enough… did browse over the exercise, read it… Going back in today, I might have spent a bit too much time with 2-1 instead of moving on, trying to fix details… but am moving forward to 2-2 now.
Key Scene 4: Turning Point = Midpoint – There’s a huge change in meaning!
PLACE HOLDER 2024
Rosemary tells Journalist Uta she herself is the local girl posting as Bernhard Matter.
She needs Bernhard at her side for her goal to be a gangster moll.
PLACE HOLDER 2024 – ROSEMARY WANTS TO REPLACE OONA (is Bernhard on board with this or not?)
Oona is glad Bernhard is gone. Life can go back to normal.
She tells Rosemary Bernhard is gone. (Maybe even admits it to her mother?)
Rosemary convinces Oona to go back to 1850 to check on him… since he will be executed soon.
Would Rosemary be willing to get rid of Oona/send her to her death?/ Does Rosemary try to go to 1850 herself?
(Good for end when Barbara goes with Oona – we establish it can’t be done)
Oona struggles. Especially since she doesn’t know what caused the trip in the first place… Rosemary does.
They try a bunch of things – but have to go to the Club again?
PLACE HOLDER 2024
Rosemary gets Oona drunk and slips her the ecstasy again. Oona is walking/talking in her sleep.
Rosemary is channeling Bernhard through an unconscious person (wow lol würg???) – she is like a rag doll, they are abusing a person not in control – kinda like Garp. Bernhard gives Rosemary instructions to break out the juvenile delinquents. DO YOU MATTER GANG.
PLACE HOLDER 1854
Oona lands in 1854 and speaks with Bernhard in jail? Or is he no longer in jail because he is being sentenced (we could have a court scene?)
PLACE HOLDER 2024
Rosemary hacks Oona’s TWINSTA account and starts posting Do You Matter Challenges.
EXT. JVA
With the help of Bernhard Oona channeling, Rosemary liberates ALPHA and BETA from JVA and is finally the Gangster Moll she always wanted to be.
PLACE HOLDER
Oona learns to gain control of the sleep traveling.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Alex Surer.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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Alex Act 2 TP
What I learned doing this assignment, is to live with the 20% rule. This is my weakest point so far – I know for Act 3 we will descend into mayhem and I’m glad I have bad girl Rosemary right now pushing the boundaries too much (which might make my lead too passive)… she is stealing the show from Oona right now, but she will find her early demise soon and Oona has to clean up for her.
Heading to: Rethink everything… DO YOU MATTER GANG REVOLUTION
Midpoint Turning Point
Key Scene 4: Turning Point = Midpoint – There’s a huge change in meaning!
PLACE HOLDER 2024
Rosemary has gone to the journalist and claims she is the local girl behind DYM. She needs Bernhard at her side.
PLACE HOLDER
Oona is glad Bernhard is gone. Life can go back to normal.
She tells Rosemary Bernhard is gone. (Maybe even admits it to her mother?)
Rosemary tries to convince her to go back to 1850 and check on him… since he will be executed soon (does Oona not know that from the books?)
Oona refuses. Especially since she doesn’t know what caused the trip in the first place… Rosemary does.
PLACE HOLDER
Rosemary gets Oona drunk and slips her the ecstasy again.
She is talking in her sleep. Bernhard gives Rosemary instructions?
PLACE HOLDER
Oona lands in 1854 and speaks with Bernhard in jail?
Or is he no longer in jail because he is being sentenced (we could have a court scene?)
PLACE HOLDER 2024
Rosemary has gone to the journalist and claims she is the local girl behind DYM.
PLACE HOLDER 2024
She hacks Oona’s account and starts posting Do You Matter Challenges.
EXT. JVA
With the help of Bernhard Oona channeling, Rosemary liberates ALPHA and BETA from JVA and is finally the Gangster Moll she always wanted to be.
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Alex’ Key Scenes 2 and 3
What I learned is… thanks to # in notes… finally being able to find my stuff!
I have a tendency to forget where I put stuff… and I’ll have a faint memory of an earlier draft that had a great plot point or passage (not even wordsmithing or anything minor like that mind you!)… which always made me loose my s*** trying to find it again.
This is probably the first time I can actually finish a ScreenwritingU class with an actual result I love…
Key Scene 2: Protagonist makes a plan and executes it. (14.2.)
After trying to silence Bernhard, she decides to play along.
They define ground rules.
(GENRE RULES? He will stop talking to her when he is in prison).
Oona starts seeing 2024 through the eyes of Bernhard, rewarding her with a new paradigm of reality.
She is never alone again! (Does that bug her?)
Bernhard convinces Oona he means no harm. For now.
PLACE HOLDER – MODERN WORLD MONTAGE
Philosophical FUN AND GAMES explaining 2024 to an alien from 1850. Excess, Opulence, Porn,
MIGROS
ATM
CARS
MOVIES
EMAIL
EMAIL SCAMS Prince gives you millions.
PLACE HOLDER
Bernhard’s comments sharpens Oona’s senses, gives her ideas for Insta posts.
VIRAL TWEETS, 10k Followers
INT. SCHOOL – PLACEHOLDER NEW TALENTS
Oona aces a history test.
EXT. LENZBURG – DAY PARADIGM SHIFT
Oona explains and re-discovers Lenzburg 2024 with Bernhard.
She is the healthiest she has ever been.
Does an Insta Series: Cos play DAUGHTER OF THE REVOLUTION… WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?
Her comments on Lenzburg 1850-2024 are benign philosophy, economics, social responsibility… not yet activism.
She has cultural followers… people that are interested in museums, history, taking tours.
INT. MAYOR OFFICE LENZBURG – DAY
Waves of tourists arrive from out of town Switzerland… even Austria and Germany… the US…
She becomes Nr 1 on Trip Advisor and Travel Channels
Tourists are flooding the town. Hotels have no room.
INT. SCHOOL – PLACEHOLDER NEW TALENTS
Hot teacher wants her to write a book. Introduces her to a journalist friend of his.
Rosemary is jealous.
Oona has been spending less time with her, has excuses for being busy.
Rosemary stalks Oona and learns Oona is posting as Bernhard. (R-Mary does not follow travel channels after all, ha)
PLACEHOLDER – HER DMs START BLOWING UP
Local Journalist hound her on DM, want interviews, Podcasts invite her, Radio stations (… she considers doing one if she does not have to show her face?)
Is getting IMPOSTER SYNDROM
She is being offered products to promote and endorse.
PLACEHOLDER
Rosemary goes to tabloids and breaks the Influencer is a young local woman.
PLACE HOLDER – TROUBLE IN PARADISE
Peace does not last.
Bernhard is getting riled up with all the ‘look don’t touch’.
He wants to go to the fancy places, wants to experience The Big Life.
With all this insane wealth and opulence, why doesn’t Oona get hers?
Why was he born in a destitute time. Why can’t he come to 2024… Oona came to 1850 after all.
He tries to influence Oona to take bigger risks / think criminal thoughts.
Tries to get her to be more like Rosemary the Gangster Moll. Shames Oona?
They start fighting a lot (schizophrenic yelling to herself on the street)
PLACE HOLDER
Oona thinks maybe she can help Bernhard/shut him up and takes him to her mother’s AA meeting.
So far Bernhard has only seen Barbara through the eyes of her avoidant daughter.
INT. AA MEETING – DAY
Bernhard falls in love with Barbara, the Delinquent Savior… and becomes obsessed she could repair him.
Barbara2024 reminds him of Barbara1850 and all he has lost.
He begs Oona to tell her mother about him so they can take a meeting.
Oona refuses to admit to her mom she is a full blown (but happy) schizophrenic.
PLACE HOLDER
Oona and Rosemary have a falling out about how to use POWER – what to post.
The essence of Bernhard is BEING BAD and HAVING FUN.
Rosemary wants to do Crime Stories… and commit new crimes… how fun would that be.
Key Scene 3: Not only does their plan fail, but…
PLACE HOLDER – IN THE MEANTIME IN 1850
Influenced by the luxury to be had in 2024, Dark Bernhard rises again.
Commits a crime. (Is this the whole SMUGGLER PHASE???)
Plans to escape Aargau for the US.
Tries to get Barbara and his young daughter to go with him. She refuses. It’s too late. She no longer believes him. And has been in jail twice because of him. And she is seeing someone else.
Bernhard begs his father for the money to go to the US (in real life he started smuggling… dunno if there is room for that)
Ready to board ship in Le Havre.
But doesn’t pass the health test – idiot slept with prostitutes on the trip through Paris and gotten a venereal disease.
And idiot that he is he goes home.
PLACE HOLDER
Pressured by Rosemary, Oona accepts endorsements for free swag.
Her whole apartment is filled with boxes. Barbara wants to know WTF is going on.
She confronts Rosemary and agrees to protest something and rally followers.
If anything, they should use the power for good.
Oona has ‘a seance’ with Bernhard in front of Rosemary.
They get along thick as thieves!
Rosemary jests how fun it would be to sneak into the JVA.
PLACE HOLDER
They liberate a pig farm.
PLACE HOLDER
Rob something, steal Blocher’s paintings
BENIGN HEIST
PLACE HOLDER 1850
Bernhard is captured (because he is occupied too much in 2024?) and goes to jail.
PLACE HOLDER
In the middle of the HEIST Oona freaks out because she can no longer hear Bernhard… because he is in jail.
Does she tell Rosemary?
They have a really close call with the police.
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Alex’ Scene 1 Outline.
What I learned is: This is running really smoothly… Now I just gotta put down the tracks. And get back to real life as well. I know I will be really busy with real life starting Wednesday for at least a week I will kinda be out of commission – and I will just be able to do the bare minimum. So I want to get the outline as far as I can get it before then, so I’ll just be tweaking instead of getting my head in knots.
ACT 2 – 1
THE KEY SCENES OF ACT 2 – Now that you have a voice… what are you going to say… WHAT MATTERS TO YOU?
Key Scene 1: Reaction to the Turning Point. The Old Ways are not enough.
INT. OONA’S FLAT – KITCHEN 2024
Oona wants to tell her mother what happened but doesn’t want to get her worried… (or get herself committed again)
Barbara is not thrilled with Oona’s new friend choice.
Oona is furious: First she’s a problem because she’s a loner, now she has the wrong friend.
No wonder her father didn’t want anything to do with her.
Key Scene 2: Protagonist makes a plan and executes it.
Oona can now hear the invisible Bernhard as voice in her head in real time in 2024. (RULES? He will stop talking to her when he is in prison). Oona ‘sees’ 2024 through the eyes of Bernhard, rewarding her with a new paradigm of reality. She is never alone again! (Does that bug her?)
Bernhard convinces Oona he means no harm. For now.
PLACEHOLDER – IN THE MEANTIME IN 1850
Shocked by his own behavoir of leaving a girl in the snow to die, Bernhard is having a good boy phase.
He has taken a steady job as mason and has been staying out of trouble.
PLACEHOLDER
Bernhard’s voice makes Oona bold, sharpens her senses, gives her ideas for Insta posts . VIRAL TWEETS, 10k Followers
Philosophical FUN AND GAMES explaining 2024 to an alien from 1850
Excess, Opulence, Porn, Email: Prince gives you millions, EMAIL SCAMS
EXT. LENZBURG – DAY (PARADIGM SHIFT)
Oona explains and re-discovers Lenzburg 2024 with Bernhard.
She is the healthiest she has ever been.
Does an Insta Series: Cos play DAUGHTER OF THE REVOLUTION… WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?
Her comments on Lenzburg 1850-2024 are benign philosophy, economics, social responsibility… not yet activism. She has cultural followers… people that are interested in museums, history, taking tours.
INT. MAYOR OFFICE LENZBURG – DAY
First tourists arrive from out of town Switzerland… even Austria and Germany… the US…
She becomes Nr 1 on Trip Advisor and Travel Channels
Tourists are flooding the town. Hotels have no room.
INT. SCHOOL – PLACEHOLDER NEW TALENTS
Oona aces a history test.
Hot teacher wants her to write a book. Introduces her to a journalist friend of his.
Rosemary is jealous.
Oona has been spending less time with her, has excuses for being busy.
Rosemary stalks her and learns Oona is posting as Bernhard. (R-Mary does not follow travel channels after all, ha)
PLACEHOLDER – HER DMs START BLOWING UP
Local Journalist hound her on DM, want interviews, Podcasts invite her, Radio stations (… maybe she does one if she does not have to show her face?)
She is being offered products to promote and endorse.
PLACEHOLDER
Rosemary goes to tabloids and breaks the Influencer is a young local woman.
PLACEHOLDER
Bernhard is getting antsy with all the ‘look don’t touch’.
With all this insane wealth and opulence, why doesn’t Oona get hers?
Why was he born in a destitute time. Why can’t he come to 2024… Oona came to 1850 after all.
He starts to influence her to think criminal thoughts.
Oona thinks maybe she can help Bernhard/shut him up and takes him to her mother’s AA meeting.
So far Bernhard has only seen Barbara through the eyes of her avoidant daughter.
INT. AA MEETING – DAY
Bernhard falls in love with Barbara, the Delinquent Savior… and becomes obsessed she could repair him.
2024 Barbara reminds him of 1850 Barbara and all he has lost.
He begs Oona to tell her mother about him so they can take a meeting.
Oona refuses to admit to her mom she is a full blown but happy schizophrenic.
PLACEHOLDER
Oona and Rosemary have a falling out about how to use POWER – what to post.
The essence of Bernhard is BEING BAD and HAVING FUN.
Rosemary wants to do Crime Stories… and commit new crimes… how fun would that be.
Key Scene 3: Not only does their plan fail, but…
PLACEHOLDER – IN THE MEANTIME IN 1850
Bernhard gets in trouble. Commits a crime. Plans to escape Aargau for the US. Tries to get Barbara and his young daughter to go with him. She refuses. It’s too late. She no longer believes him. And has been in jail twice because of him. And she is seeing someone else.
Bernhard begs his father for the money to go to the US (in real life he started smuggling… dunno if there is room for that)
Ready to board ship in Le Havre. But doesn’t pass the health test – idiot had slept with prostitutes on the trip through Paris and gotten a venereal disease.
And idiot that he is he goes home.
BACK IN AARGAU HE LANDS IN JAIL. NOW OONA CAN NO LONGER HEAR HIM.
PLACEHOLDER
Pressured by Rosemary, Oona accepts endorsements for free swag.
Her whole apartment is filled with boxes. Barbara wants to know WTF is going on.
PLACEHOLDER
Oona is freaking out because she can no longer hear Bernhard.
She reaproaches Rosemary and agrees to protest something and rally followers.
If anything, they should use the power for good.
They liberate a pig farm.
Midpoint Turning Point
Key Scene 4: Turning Point = Midpoint – There’s a huge change in meaning!
PLACEHOLDER
Rosemary claims she is BERNHARD.
She hacks Oona’s account and starts posting Do You Matter Challenges.
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Alex’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is: I’m happy with these 20%. There is a good flow, I’ve introduced the characters, theme and a basic outline I need and some twists… happy to know I am still missing 80%, yay.
I have a history of always starting from scratch… and restarting again and all the characters change… but hey, this was easier than ever… so LET’S GET ON WITH IT 😉
OUTLINE ACT 1
PAGE ONE
INT. JAIL – DAWN (1854)
BERNHARD MATTER is in his execution cell.
A blinding guardian angel appears.
(It is Oona with the flashlight on cell phone in hand?)
He begs for absolution of his soul.
The executioners come in.
As Bernhard has slipped away, they take the angel… a 17 year old girl… dressed in an oversized white hoodie. Hello Billie Eilish!
EXT. EXECUTION SCAFFOLDING – DAWN
OONA is sitting tied up on the execution chair, the executioner swings his sword.
She looks out to the audience rubbernecking, gasping at her in dismay and excitement.
Act 1
INT. CLASSROOM HISTORY – DAY (2024)
Oona awakens with a scream, struggling. Hoodie over her eyes.
She has fallen asleep on her chair head back drooling.
Wrapped in her laptop and cellphone charging cables.
The class laughs. No one comes to her aid, but watches her unravel herself.
Hot Mess ROSEMARY films it on the phone and posts it.
HOT TEACHER calms class down and wipes black board: History lesson Switzerland Justice Reform: The right for men to vote was introduced in 1848. For women it lasted until 1971.
One of the dudes says: Hot Mess ROSEMARY does ‘Field Research Justice Reform’.
INT. BATHROOM – DAY
Oona sees the post of her drooling, is embarrassed. At least it got some likes. She herself has no followers.
Suddenly she sees feet in the stall next to her. Rosemary.
They both silently wash their hands.
Rosemary asks if Oona how it feels to have narcolepsy… does she ever have visions?
Oona does not know why she should trust her.
Rosemary deletes the Insta and apologizes. She admits she is weird too, confides that she pukes and is into weird things: Shows her a teaspoon around her neck she twisted in ESP extra curricular. Says: You have to focus and imagine the sun is shining on it to melt the iron. Oona tries twisting it, but it won’t budge.
Rosemary asks, if Oona wants to film her taming the wild animals?
EXT. YOUTH PRISON LENZBURG – DAY
Rosemary drags Oona up the hill to the prison.
Juvenile delinquents are out in the yard playing soccer.
ALPHA BOY signals gang to fence towards the girls… or better, directly over to cute blonde Rosemary in her short summer dress.
She looks over to Oona: ?? What are you waiting for? Film me on Insta Live! She does.
BETA BOY saunters over to Oona: You’re cruel. I sense under that baggy hoodie you’re hiding a really nice pair of tits – why won’t you let the world see them?
Oona turns bright red. Alpha wants to call Beta off.
But Oona counters: You’re cruel! I sense unter those swooping bangs you’re hiding a few brain cells – why won’t you let the world see them?
To the sound of thunderous laughs from the mates, Oona does a hair flip, an expert booty twerk and sashays away down the hill towards the trees.
From a safe distance, Oona wipes a tear from her cheek with her sleeve, takes out her cell and snaps a few artistic shots of the apes behind the fence drooling over Rosemary.
INT. OONA’S HOME – DAY
From Oona’s Mother Barbara’s room comes angry screaming. Sounds like sex, but it is in fact a patient. Her mother is a guidance counsellor.
Barbara opens the door and mouths ‘There is food in the microwave’.
Rosemary appears behind Oona. Asks Barbara if they can go to her closet? She is taking Oona to the Salsa Club in Aarau.
Barbara is astonished Oona is hanging out with her… but decides to trust her daughter… asks her not to drink… in her condition… and goes back to her patient.
INT. SALSA PARTY IN TOWN – NIGHT
They get out of Rosemary’s car. Oona is wearing a dress from her mother.
Rosemary hits the dance floor, asks Oona to film her.
Takes off with a boy kissing.
The music changes to slow time.
A YOUNG MAN asks Oona to dance. He takes her hand, pulls her towards the dance floor. She is excited, but stumbles over her own feet, is embarrassed, pulls her hand away. Excuses herself and sits down alone on a chair.
Rosemary has watched this and decides Oona needs to loosen up.
She slips something in her drink.
Oona falls asleep, slides from the chair and hits her head.
KEY SCENE THREE
INT. TAVERN 1850 – NIGHT
Oona awakens under a table. She has no idea where she is.
She sees feet of men in old timey shoes.
The music is Ländler. She wants to sit up and hits her head.
BERNHARD looks under the table and laughs.
He helps her out from under the table, sits her down.
Orders her a glass of wine. She asks for water.
He goes back to telling a wild story about some break in (in code?).
Oona feels like she’s seen his face before. So does he.
A GANGSTER opens the door and motions to Bernhard. He takes his leave and goes outside.
Oona follows him to the door.
But when she opens it, it does not lead outside.
When it closes behind her, she is standing in a
INT. PFARRHAUS – NIGHT
She hears them stealing something in the next room.
Then Pfarrer wakes up.
Oona saves them from getting caught.
They run out into the forest. She can’t run. He lifts her up and runs with her.
She falls asleep.
INT. CAR – DAWN
Oona wakes up in the car that is shaking.
Rosemary laughs that earlier she was running like a dog in her sleep.
She was out for hours.
Oona shares she had a crazy dream. (Rosemary suggests she should post it?)
PLACE HOLDER
Oona creates a new account under a fake name.
PLACE HOLDER
Bernhard in 1850.
In prison?
He sees a picture of an angel with Oona’s face?
Jail breaks and goes to see his wife… he needs to change things… he needs to find that angel…
INT. ROSEMARY’S ROOM – DAY
Rosemary shows Oona a picture of Bernhard Matter (in the comic?). Oona realizes he was the man in her dream and in 1850. (The picture speaks? They listen to the song?)
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
There is hardly anything on the internet. Oona researches Matter Book. She reads.
PLACEHOLDER
Oona hears Bernhard talking. She freaks out.
INT. OONA’S HOME – DAY
Wants to tell her mother but doesn’t want to get her worried… or committed again.
INT. MC DONALD – DAY
She steals a large portion instead of taking her small one.
PLACEHOLDER
Oona finds the picture on her phone of Bernhard in the execution cell?
And bends a large spoon.
Her post blows up.
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Alex Turning Point 1
What I learned doing this assignment is: It is getting more manageable to organize information. I do still worry that I’m forgetting stuff and loosing scenes, have trouble finding them… but now at least now I KNOW that.
And I think I get tangled up in logic and remember: 20%!!
I always knew the turning point would be a crossover from 1850 to 2024… I started understanding it could be Bernhard’s voice first… later she would see him etc.
The turning point ties in with the inciting incident nicely.
Suddenly Oona has a BFF/ally… not sure I will want to keep her… but for now, she is a good bridge into the unknown, she’s into woo woo stuff… and I do suddenly come across information like: WAIT, she Oona doesn’t even know that man is Bernhard yet. But since Rosemary has a thing for delinquents, of course she can point out Bernhard Matter to her.
PAGE ONE
INT. JAIL – DAWN (1854)
BERNHARD MATTER is in his execution cell.
A blinding guardian angel appears.
(It is Oona with the flashlight on cell phone in hand?)
He begs for absolution of his soul.
The executioners come in.
As Bernhard has slipped away, they take the angel… a 17 year old girl… dressed in an oversized white hoodie. Hello Billie Eilish!
EXT. EXECUTION SCAFFOLDING – DAWN
OONA is sitting tied up on the execution chair, the executioner swings his sword.
She looks out to the audience rubbernecking, gasping at her in dismay and excitement.
Act 1
INT. CLASSROOM HISTORY – DAY (2024)
Oona awakens with a scream, struggling. Hoodie over her eyes.
She has fallen asleep on her chair head back drooling.
Wrapped in her laptop and cellphone charging cables.
The class laughs. No one comes to her aid, but watches her unravel herself.
Someone films it on the phone (and posts it.)
HOT TEACHER calms class down and wipes black board: History lesson Switzerland Justice Reform: The right for men to vote was introduced in 1848. For women it lasted until 1971.
One of the dudes says: Hot Mess ROSEMARY does ‘Field Research Justice Reform’.
INT. BATHROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Oona is embarrassed and does her stimming banging head against the door.
MIDDLE: Rosemary catches her, but instead of making fun of her, admits she is weird too, confides that she pukes and is into weird things: shows her a spoon she twisted in ESP extra curricular. Says: You have to focus and imagine the sun is shining on it to melt the iron. Oona tries twisting it, but it won’t budge.
END: Rosemary shows Oona her video and says she’ll delete it, if Oona comes to the JVA and films her taming the wild animals.
KEY SCENE ONE
EXT. YOUTH PRISON LENZBURG – DAY
Rosemary drags Oona up the hill to the prison.
Juvenile delinquents are out in the yard playing soccer.
ALPHA BOY signals gang to fence towards the girls… or better, directly over to cute blonde Rosemary in her short summer dress.
She looks over to Oona: ?? What are you waiting for? Film me on Insta Live!
BETA BOY saunters over to Oona: You’re cruel. I sense under that baggy hoodie you’re hiding a really nice pair of tits – why won’t you let the world see them?
Oona turns bright red. Alpha wants to call Beta off.
But Oona counters: You’re cruel! I sense unter those swooping bangs you’re hiding a few brain cells – why won’t you let the world see them?
To the sound of thunderous laughs from the mates, Oona does a hair flip, an expert booty twerk and sashays away down the hill towards the trees.
From a safe distance, she wipes a tear from her cheek with her sleeve, takes out her cell and snaps a few artistic shots of the apes behind the fence drooling over her girlie friend.
INT. OONA’S HOME – DAY
From Oona’s Mother Barbara’s room come angry screaming. Sounds like sex, but it is in fact a patient. Her mother is a guidance counsellor.
Barbara opens the door and mouths ‘There is food in the microwave’.
Rosemary comes to pick Oona up.
Barbara is astonished Oona is hanging out with her… but decides to trust her daughter… asks her not to drink.
KEY SCENE TWO
INT. SALSA PARTY IN TOWN – NIGHT
Rosemary has convinced Oona to wear a dress.
Rosemary hits the dance floor, asks Oona to film her.
Takes off with a boy kissing.
The music changes to slow time.
A YOUNG MAN asks Oona to dance. He takes her hand, pulls her towards the dance floor. She is excited, but stumbles over her own feet, is embarrassed, pulls her hand away.
Excuses herself and sits down alone on a chair.
Rosemary has watched this and decides Oona needs to loosen up.
She slips something in her drink.
Oona falls asleep, slides from the chair and hits her head.
KEY SCENE THREE
INT. TAVERN 1850 – NIGHT
Oona awakens under a table. She has no idea where she is.
She sees feet of men in old timey shoes.
The music is Ländler. She wants to sit up and hits her head.
BERNHARD looks under the table and laughs.
He helps her out from under the table, sits her down.
Orders her a glass of wine. She asks for water.
He goes back to telling a wild story about some break in (in code?).
Oona feels like she’s seen the face before. So does he.
A GANGSTER opens the door and motions to Bernhard. He takes his leave and goes outside.
Oona follows him to the door.
But when she opens it, it does not lead outside.
When it closes behind her, she is standing in a
INT. PFARRHAUS – NIGHT
She hears them stealing something in the next room.
Then Pfarrer wakes up.
Oona saves them from getting caught.
They run out into the forest. She can’t run. He lifts her up and runs with her.
She falls asleep.
INT. CAR – DAWN
Oona wakes up in the car that is shaking.
Rosemary laughs that earlier she was running like a dog in her sleep.
She was out for hours.
She shares she had a crazy dream – Rosemary suggests she should post it?
KEY SCENE FOUR
BEGINNING: Oona is no longer certain it was just a dream.
MIDDLE: Oona clearly hears Bernhards voice commenting.
END: Based on her dream, she creates a NEW PROFILE. It becomes a retweeted success.
Can bend a large soup spoon.
INT. ROSEMARY’S ROOM – DAY
Rosemary shows Oona a picture of Bernhard Matter (in the comic?). Oona realizes he was the man in her dream and in 1850. (The picture speaks? They listen to the song?)
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
There is hardly anything on the internet. Oona researches Matter Book. She reads and hears him talking. All the time now!!! Tries to get rid of it like Tinnitus.
INT. OONA’S HOME – DAY
Wants to tell her mother but doesn’t want to get her worried… or committed again.
INT. MC DONALD – DAY
She steals a large portion instead of taking her small one.
PLACEHOLDER
Oona finds the picture on her phone of Bernhard in the execution cell?
Oona post goes viral.
And bends a large spoon.
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Alex’ Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this is to push forward. Falling behind caused me some anxiety… and I still have trouble getting back in when I leave… But hey, I have 20% for sure 😉
I am aware that the 3rd act will reflect back on the first. The outline I have gives some good first imagery and mood. I received a new supporting (or not so much supporting BFF) character that pushes Oona forward.
As I have a buddy movie (in 2 time lines… yeah, convoluted and complex as per usual) I did Key Scenes for both of them.
<font face=”inherit”>As Bernhard is a historical character, I also have to make </font>decisions<font face=”inherit”> how to tell his story. Do we learn about him WITH Oona or is Oona already aware of him?</font>
<font face=”inherit”>I just decided to go with learning hand in hand WITH our protagonist!</font>
<font face=”inherit”>Thanks ‘just doing’ energy, ha!</font>
ACT ONE OUTLINE OONA
Key Scene 1 Oona:
Oona dreams of Bernhard execution cell.
Bernhard sees Oona as Angel of Death – asks her to absolve his soul. Forgiveness for his failures.
Bernhard vanishes and Oona takes the fall for him.
Oona on the execution stage and experiences a transfixed spellbound audience for the first time
Key Scene 2 Oona:
Oona goes to a party with Rosemary
She takes drugs and hits her head. Lands in 1850
Sweet /Bitter Meet with Bernhard there doing something (party with stolen goods? break in or break out)
Key Scene 3 Oona:
Oona experiences a moment of power in real life 1850 with Bernhard.
Key Scene 4 Oona:
Back in 2024, she hears Bernhards voice guiding her to do a post.
It becomes a retweeted success.
Key Scene 1 Bernhard:
Bernhard is in the execution cell.
Bernhard sees Oona as Angel of Death – asks her to absolve his soul. Forgiveness for his failures.
Bernhard vanishes and lets Oona take the fall for him.
Key Scene 2 Bernhard:
Bernhard meets Oona in 1850 (party with stolen goods? Break in or break out?)
Key Scene 3 Bernhard:
Oona changes his behavoir in some way, touches him – looks like a way of redemption for him!
Key Scene 4 Bernhard:
He decides to follow her where ever she is going (2024)
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Alex’s Act One
What I learned: I was really fast and got ‘er done!
As I usually wordsmith and then have to kill my darlings, I’m happy to say I could strike and rewrite these in a heart beat (I just did… while brushing my teeth I thought: I don’t want to introduce Oona to be a victim, I want to give her a witty comeback – so I did!)
Well… maybe not the opening scene… I already had and really love that one, LOL.
But I did for sure not want to do school scenes. It’s just a great generic place to start with 17 year olds!
PAGE ONE
INT. JAIL – DAWN (1854)
BERNHARD MATTER is in his execution cell.
A blinding guardian angel appears.
(It is Oona with the flashlight on cell phone in hand.)
He begs for absolution of his soul.
The executioners come in.
As Bernhard has slipped away, they take the angel… a 17 year old girl… dressed in an oversized white hoodie.
EXT. EXECUTION SCAFFOLDING – DAWN
OONA is sitting tied up on the execution chair, the executioner swings his sword.
She looks out to the audience rubbernecking, gasping at her in dismay and excitement.
Act 1
INT. CLASSROOM HISTORY – DAY (2024)
Oona awakens with a scream, struggling. Hoodie over her eyes.
She has fallen asleep on her chair head back drooling.
Wrapped in her laptop and cellphone charging cables.
The class laughs. No one comes to her aid, but watches her unravel herself.
HOT TEACHER calms class down and wipes black board: History lesson Switzerland Justice Reform: The right for men to vote was introduced in 1848. For women it lasted until 1971.
Oona’s BFF Hot Mess ROSEMARY sends her a text: Meet me after class for ‘Field Research Justice Reform’.
EXT. YOUTH PRISON LENZBURG – DAY
Rosemary drags Oona up the hill to the prison.
Juvenile delinquents are out in the yard playing soccer.
ALPHA BOY signals gang to fence towards the girls… or better, directly over to cute blonde Rosemary in her short summer dress.
She looks over to Oona: ?? What are you waiting for? Film me on Insta Live!
BETA BOY saunters over to Oona: You’re cruel. I sense under that baggy hoodie you’re hiding a really nice pair of tits – why don’t you let the world see them?
Oona turns bright red. Alpha wants to call Beta off.
But Oona counters: You’re cruel! I sense unter those swooping bangs you’re hiding a few brain cells – why don’t you let the world see them?
To the sound of thunderous laughs from the mates, Oona does a hair flip, an expert booty twerk and sashays away down the hill towards the trees.
From a safe distance, she wipes a tear from her cheek with her sleeve, takes out her cell and snaps a few artistic shots of the apes behind the fence drooling over her girlie friend.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by Alex Surer.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by
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What I learned doing this assignment is to do what works. To trust it. I know I trust Hal’s Systems. And now I am willing to also trust myself by making it my own.
I have never finished a 20% first draft – because I get really complex really fast. So I am putting up the first half of Lesson 8 here… I will feel so happy and liberated to catch up to the lesson beat. (And I have Berlinale coming up – so I want to get as much structure as possible done before! Rewriting is going to be so much easier from a first rough draft!)
The beat sheet is half done. I had crafted a really great third act via Reverse Cause and Effect. interweaving the specification of Thema and Antagonist will come naturally in next passes.
THEME
What is this story really about?
What is the real issue I want to explore?
What is the meaning of all this?What is this story really about?
The perpetual promise of potential.
The strength, weakness and shame of the ADD brain – and personality.
How two ADD humans present in Switzerland 1850 (a caste system of rich and poor) versus 2024 (a caste system of rich, poor and some in the middle diligently scrambling up or falling down)
How Attention Surplus Disorder societies react to neurodiverse individuals – and everyone’s desire to ‘fix’ them.
What is the real issue I want to explore?
The perpetual promise of potential. The misunderstanding of society. The counter-intuitiveness, the contradictions, the reverse psychology.
How ADD presents itself in a young fluid woman 2024 and a kind, but rowdy delinquent in 1854.
Oona and Bernhard are both are involuntary disrupters.
Modern society knows so much more about how the brain works. Finally female brains are taken into account… Females might not fight and flight, but they tend and befriend.
They are vexing, annoying, irritating, bothersome and oh so charming, generous, lovable, fair, funny, resourceful, intuitive, alert, acute, baffling, shrewd and an utter bewilderment to anything and anyone around them.
What is the meaning of all this?
Finally a topic I am the TOTAL EXPERT on.
ADD looks like a personality disorder, but it is not.
God created the ADD brain for survival in nomadic cultures.
There they are leaders.
In sedentary and agricultural societies they are in jail or the loony bin.
Or artists if they get really lucky and have advocates, managers, able parents – that can serve as structure and fans.
ANTAGONISTS
As ADD humans tend to self destruct, I’ve always found it really difficult to grasp and create a functioning antagonist.
Now I get, that Antagonists are part of the ‘functioning’ system: THE STATUS QUO
SO CALLED STABLE SOCIETY
PEACE, QUIET and BOREDOM
That thwart, impede, obstruct and prevent CHANGE, EVOLUTION, REVOLUTION
The REPRESENTATIVES that ENFORCE
Police, Priests, Prosecutors, Law/Justice, Teachers
The ONES THAT GET AWAY WITH CHEATING (SOCIETY)
The self-serving, crooked, unethical, unscrupulous, rotten, evil, nefarious
that corrupt, pervert, pollute, damage, abuse, maltreat, injure, undermine, disgrace, disfigure, stain
Greedy Landowners, Self-Serving Politicians, Lying Journalists, Desirous Fans.
Stakes Characters – that can also represent/backstab
COMPLY, CONCEDE, CAPITULATE, CAVE (Victims, Wives, Children, Farmers, Refugees)
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Alex High Speed Beat Sheet.
Wow! I learned I might finally be able to do this. Get an outline that satisfies me… and is str4uctured enough to build on that it won’t collapse!
I feel like this is the most concise beat sheet I have ever had.
Even though I did not have the breath for places for Act 3, I did get in the gist and solved a few long standing problems along the way… and was gifted a BFF based on one of my mother’s friends growing up.
PAGE 1:
DREAM INT. JAIL 1854
Bernhard is in his execution cell. A blinding guardian angel appears to him (Oona with a cell phone in her hand)
He begs for absolution of his soul.
The executioners come in. Bernhard is gone they take Oona.
DREAM INT. SCAFFOLD 1854
Oona is sitting tied up on the execution chair, the executioner swings his sword.
She looks out to the audience that is gasping at her in dismay and excitement.
ACT 1
INT. CLASSROOM HISTORY – DAY 2024
Oona awakens with a gasp. She has fallen asleep and has tied herself up in laptop cables. Everyone laughs at her.
History lesson they were learning about 1850s?
EXT. YOUTH PRISON LENZBURG – DAY
Oona’s toxic BFF ROSEMARY wants to go flirt with the juvenile delinquents.
PLACE HOLDER – MUSEUM? PLACES IN AARAU? – DAY
Audience learns about Bernhard Matter history. Do we learn WITH Oona.
Or Oona/or Rosemary already knows and obsesses over him?
INT. OONA’S ROOM/INTERNET/OR ON HER CELL
Oona tries creating an exciting post. No one cares. She doesn’t matter. Only has few followers. Not even Rosemary? Her post is as dumb as a fence post… but she got a lotta lady humps.
Oona’s mother BARBARA follows her… cringey. (Barbara created alias?)
And even created an avatar for her great grand aunt that lives with them?
OK, tripple cringe. But Mom tries.
And a NERDY LOSER who has a crush on Oona reposts.
Does Oona parrot famous Influencers? Or powerful game changers like Greta?
INT. SCHOOL CELLAR
Rosemary convinces Oona to join a ESP class (Rose is hot for TEACHER?).
Oona can twist the spoon in tripple knot! (Matter talent to bend iron runs in the family).
PLACE HOLDER IMAGERY POWER VS NATURE – PRISON VS FREEDOM
Imagery of blade of grass breaking through concrete.
INT. PLACE HOLDER – NIGHT
Oona feels invaded by harmful spirit: foreshadowing)… tempted to steal, but stays good girl.
Example MC DONALDS
Doesn’t have enough money for a big meal just orders a hamburger. A big bag of food is sitting there. She steals it, wants to run off but stops and returns it.
INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Wants to self harm ritual/stimming – but SOMEONE stops her.
INT. OONA HOME – DAY
Her messy room. Too much stuff. Can’t organize herself, her thoughts.
Relationship with mom Barbara is good (Barbara was an actor, is now an AA guidance counsellor – she leaves her daughter be, but worries.
Rosemary shows up to take Oona to a party.
Oona promises her mom she won’t drink (Oona had a psychic break a while back)
Inciting Incident
INT. PARTY CELLAR – NIGHT
Oona takes drugs/someone sneaks her drugs at a party and hits her head.
PLACE HOLDER (FOREST? TAVERN? During Matter BREAK IN) – NIGHT
Oona lands in 1850. Falls from the sky?
‘MEET CUTE’ 1850
Oona meets Bernhard for the first time.
Oona realizes who Bernhard is. Realizes where he is in his biography?
INT. PLACE HOLDER – DAY
She starts stalking him.
He becomes aware of her.
Who does he think she is? Normal girl or the angel from his dream?
Does he wonder about her clothing?
Does he hit on her? (Ryan and Tatum O’Neal at funeral)
INT. TAVERN – NIGHT
Oona predicts the future or does something witchy.
Experiences people staring at her like she’s a major influence!
Bernhard ropes Oona into stealing something with him.
INT. PLACEHOLDER – DAY
Oona lands back in 2024 (no longer at the party?)
Her mother has been looking for her.
When she wakes up, she is in the hospital?
Does Oona find ‘proof’, she was really in a 1850? Ever?
Turning Point
Oona lies to Barbara (and Rosemary) about what happened and is released.
She posts something about the story (I had a dream) and has first success.
ACT 2
New plan
Oona can now hear the invisible Bernhard as voice in her head in real time in 2024.
Oona thinks it is still the drugs and tries to get rid of him. Tries stimming.
Bernhard convinces her he means no harm.
He starts influencing her, becoming her mentor.
Plan in action
Oona explains 2024 to Bernhard, rewarding her with a totally new paradigm on reality. (She aces some kind of history test?). She is never alone again!
INT. OONA’S ROOM – DAY
Bernhard’s voice makes her bold, sharpens her senses, gives her ideas for Insta posts and TikToks.
EXT. LENZBURG – DAY
Oona explains and re-discovers Lenzburg 2024 with Bernhard, someone from 1850 (FUN AND GAMES)
Does an Insta Series: Showing my town to an alien creature from out of town.
INT. OONA SCHOOL – DAY
Podcasts invite her. Radio stations (she does not have to show her face)
Interviews in news papers.
INT. MAYOR OFFICE LENZBURG – DAY
Tourists are flooding the town. Hotels have no room.
INT. OONA HOME – DAY
She is being sent endless senseless products to promote and endorse.
Invites to fancy parties.
They want to see her face! Or has she posted as Bernhard all along?
PLACE HOLDER – IN THE MEANTIME IN 1850
Bernhard gets deeper into trouble. Commits a crime. Gets out of prison.
Immediately goes to see Barbara, who has divorced him.
He has to escape Aargau. Begs her to go to US with him.
Begs his father for money.
Wants to board ship in Le Havre. Sleeps with prostitutes in Paris.
Midpoint Turning Point
Oona now has 10k followers. (Mainly Germans first.)
She wanted to be the inspiring voice of her generation, not the sales girl.
Wants to regain access to 1850, to Bernhard’s voice and guidance, to trigger Bernhard to come back?
INT. PLACE HOLDER – DAY
Oona wants to confide in her mother who is a therapist… but afraid of admitting to (another) mental break. She now SEES Bernhard!
INT. PLACEHOLDER – DAY
Bernhard has followed Oona to 2024. He is now visible to her.
INT. AA MEETING – NIGHT
Bernhard meets Oona’s mother Barbara and falls in love/believes Barbara is his wife. Has a new agenda now: Wants to impress Barbara! Maybe even get her to see him? Oona tells Bernhard to cut it out.
Bernhard wants to appear to Barbara, Oona freaks out, that’s not possible! Hands off my mother!
Oona takes Bernhard to the airport so he can go to America. Something’s holding him back. (He does not have a body after all)
ACT 3
Rethink everything
PLACE HOLDER
Oona realizes Bernhard has his own agenda.
He starts ‘taking over her body’. He is a parasite after all.
Bernhard needs Barbara’s forgiveness, wants to beg Barbara for forgiveness.
How can Bernhard appear to Barbara? He only appears to Oona!
He starts taking over her body! (The Tenant)
She need boundaries.
Bernhard abandons Oona several times. He is a womanizer and parasite after all.
New plan
Bernhard inspires Oona to set up ‘Do You Matter’ challenges.
Oona now has to show her face – but puts up Bernhard as a front.
Becomes an even bigger success, since now the followers start reposting her and starting actions.
At first they are good civil disobedience, but then the punk and party people start ruining it for everyone.
The adventures go viral, they become famous and notorious.
The imitators are irresponsible assholes, they go too far (Bernhard never went too far).
Through DoYouMatter adventures, innocents are harmed and injured.
Oona sees that Bernhard is unreliable (where is she herself?)
There is a DoYouMatter wave of imitations, like Leiden des Jungen Werthers, only they do not end their lives, but start living as if there were no tomorrow.
The DoYouMatter virus captures the population of Lenzburg…, Canton of Aargau…, the whole of Switzerland? The whole world?
Oona has to stop the movement before it infects the whole world…, before it spills over the borders…, imagine that it starts in Germany ;)?
Oona decides that Bernhard has to/can change – so that he experiences a happy ending this time.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Her followers start looting and rioting in Bernhard name.
Demanding retribution. (All of the Matter name)
Someone gets hurt. It’s the end of the road.
At first Oona did not have to show her face… but now the cops are on to her.
Oona needs to dissolve the DoYouMatter revolution. She demands Bernhard go back to 1850 and become the martyr. (The window for crossing is closing!)
Oona shows her face and gives a speech to the followers, they boo her as a traitor and pelt her with tomatoes.
Oona understands that Bernhard must be executed. The effect of this cause was reforms: both in the judiciary and in the socio-political sphere (truth is complex – Bernhard’s life was ended ‘too early’ – but it also made him famous/bigger than life, as he had wished.)
Oona has to convince Bernhard to die a coward to end the DoYouMatter movement and get the gang off the wrong track.
Premise: It feels good to be bad. But for how long?
When there are innocent victims, when you get locked up, deprived of liberty and ruin your future
ACT 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Oona needs to dissolve the DoYouMatter revolution.
She demands Bernhard go back to 1850 and become a martyr. (The window for crossing is closing!)
She needs to get Bernhard back to 1850. But does not know how. Tries drugs, but finally realizes it was the hitting of her head that gave her access. But how often can she do that without doing irreparable harm to herself?
Oona needs the gang to see the Bernhard killed! Hopefully as a coward! They need to see crime don’t pay!
She stages a fake killing… Can she count on Bernhard?
Nope.
Bernhard fails her and survives as an even bigger hero. (Asshole!)
Bernhard considers whether he wants to die a coward (viewers are unsure to the last moment whether he will/can really pull it off, and no one will ever know if it was a production or if he really felt the fear and remorse that way.)
Resolution
Bernhard understands her needs to go back – maybe Barbara helps him understand?
They all go back (together? or Oona alone).
Bernhard considers whether he wants to die a coward (viewers are unsure to the last moment whether he will/can really pull it off, and no one will ever know if it was a production or if he really felt the fear and remorse that way.)
They experience Bernhard being executed.
Experiencing that gives Oona the voice she needs to speak to non violence… and what is wrong with selfishness and breaking stuff.
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Alex Transformational Events
What I learned is that even though my brain struggles with this kind of abstraction and tends to freeze. I empower myself that I am only looking for 20% of my first draft here – even though this might feel like failing a test… and first the lists are short, suddenly they swell like tidal waves and grow enormously large.
And that I will find a way to organize and reconnect with my thoughts and ideas from yesterday.
Character Arc OONA:
From feeling she does not matter to being the only one that can change the mind of a mob of followers
Old Ways – Passive Dreamer
- Rumination, self harm: Poor mental health
- Clumsy, inept: Poor physical health
- Loner, Pushover: Poor social skills
New Ways – Active Dreamer
- Can say no, put up boundaries and laugh about herself: Good mental health
- Can fight, endure, not afraid to dress sexy: Good physical health
- Leads, inspires others and can stop the mob: Good social skills
OONA EMOTIONAL GROWTH
- Wants to matter. Cannot make her own voice be heard: Parroting others.
- Experiencing anger about injustice and turning it outwards instead of towards herself.
- Learns to survive without creature comforts.
- Willing to experience and stand up against injustice – and push back.
- Learns to deal with light and dark of fame: adored and criticised: Public speaking from a stage to a large audience
- Rejects faux fame.
- Learns who she wants to matter to.
RANDOM DRAMATIC EVENTS OONA
SCHOOL?
- Bullied by a boy, has no comeback line / Loses a debate
- Picked last on team.
- Cheating off someone’s test
Freaks out over a dead animal
Admit she is stimming. Admit she is lost and needs help
INFLUENCER
- Parroting off another, stealing someone’s lines.
- Only reposting. Doesn’t get reposted.
Virtue signalling? - Fake cause… That then becomes real?
DREAM STATE
- How does she get back from dream? Does it get harder every time?
- At party, takes drugs – but it’s the hitting her head that does it?
- Wakes up in a dream, accept that she can time travel
- Become skilled at operating inside the dream as a creator
- She can move in and out the dream world – can consciously get there
1850
- Can find a path without google maps, sleeps outside (Experiencing real exhaustion, pain, hunger – real world)
- Make Bernhard believe she is from the future
- Bernhard gets hurt. Drags limping Bernhard to safety – convinces neighbors to let them stay
- Steals something with Bernhard out of necessity
- Helps someone in need – her Oma appears in 1850 or someone that looks like her?
- Breaks out of jail. Run away from… and stand up to the Landjäger.
- Double cross bad guys
- Learning what is important to her by loss
- Save Matter from being beheaded
- Convinces Bernhard to die as a coward
- Can watch Bernhard be executed
2024 FAME – MYTHOS?
- Commands a 2024 mob to stand down
- Experiencing the dark side of fame
- Offered tons of money to promote awful products.
- Actually do research about the products and people behind them (Ask difficult questions)
- Say no to a great opportunity – and then finding out it was the right choice because it was too good to be true.
- Get agent, be pushed to marketing
- Being chased by Trolls on the Internet – in real life?
- Lying about her and her past: Religious, ex boyfriends, being on the news, mother losing her job
- Being responsible for someone getting hurt
- Being responsible for someone hurting someone else
WOUND?
- Learning the truth about her dad? That he took drugs/killed himself/just doesn’t care about her and Barbara? No longer idealizing him.
BERNHARD EMOTIONAL GROWTH
Lazy. Instant gratification. Not willing/able to work or be monogamous. Can’t change won’t change. Easy fix. Not asking for true support. Asking for quick help (money) Caring about someone else more than himself, actually listen to Oona and her time, – helping him understanding his own experience with ADD. Makes real amends. Accepting defeat.Willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good.<b style=”text-decoration: underline;”>
RANDOM DRAMATIC EVENTS BERNHARD
Experiencing 2024: Cars, internet, light, surveillance, ATM, Lenzburg Jail
Understands 1850 as a truly horrible time in history
AA Meeting with Barbara – Stops showing off, but listens to someone smarter than him
Understands ADD, it’s not all his fault – humbled by the change he initiated in justice politics
Someone finds his skull? Mythos: He was strong, could bend metal. Trick minds, would have been a great mentalist!! Snake Oil Salesman takes advantage of him? Experience what it means to be a hero, a martyr.
Being given the choice to save himself or someone else – what would you sacrifice your pinky for?
Believe in angels and god – no longer believe in angels and god?
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This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by Alex Surer.
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Concept
A teen influencer in 2024 is influenced by an infamous 1850 pretty criminal, escape artist and ladies man. und his advice garners her success and followers of questionable nature.
Main Conflict
A Big Life vs a Long Life
Can Oona have fame without infamy?
Bernhard gets bored, his freedom is taken, he escapes – vicious cycle.
Can Oona break Bernhard’s cycle and save his life?
Old Ways Oona
Rumination, self harm: Poor mental health
Clumsy, inept: Poor physical health
Loner, Pushover: Poor social skills
New Ways Oona
Can say no, can be selfish, can laugh about herself: Good mental health
Can fight and put up boundaries, dress sexy: Good physical health
Leads gang and stops them: Good social skills
Old Ways Bernhard
Poser, Bragger, Pretender, Cheat, Liar, Womanzier: Poor social skills
Yes to instant gratification, hungry (Jail), quick to fight: Poor physical and mental health
New Ways Bernhard
Empathy for Oona, makes the ultimate sacrifice (real connection)
Act 1:
Page One
Oona has a nightmare: She is being executed in lieu of Bernhard (who sneaks off.)
Bernhard in his execution cell experiences Oona as the angel of death.
Opening
We meet Oona in 2024. An awkward teen, a dreamer who wants to be an influencer, the voice of her generation. Prone to being invisible and bullied. Self harming tendencies.
Takes ESP class, can bend spoon.
Feels possessed by harmful spirit… tempted to steal, but is a good girl.
Inciting Incident
Oona takes drugs at a party and hits her head. She lands in 1850.
Oona knows who Bernhard is. He does not know who Oona is or where she is from. (Does he hit on her?)
Oona spends a week in 1850. It is more than a dream. They deeply connect.
Turning Point
Oona needs to get back to 2024.
When she wakes up, she is in the hospital?
She finds proof, that she was in a 1850 gown? Was it a costume party?
But she lies about what happened and is released.
Act 2:
New plan
She can now see/hear the invisible Bernhard in real time in 2024. He starts influencing her, becoming her mentor.
Plan in action
Oona explains 2024 to Bernhard, rewarding her with a totally new paradigm on reality. (She aces some kind of history test?). She is never alone again!
Bernhard in turn makes her bold, sharpens her senses, gives her ideas for Insta posts and TikToks.
Bernhard meets Oona’s mother Barbara and falls in love/believes Barbara is his wife.
Has a new agenda now: Wants to impress Barbara! Maybe even get her to see him?
Midpoint Turning Point
Oona suddenly has 10k followers. Mainly Germans first.
She is being sent tons of stuff to promote. But the promoters stress her out.
Oona realizes Bernhard has his own agenda.
Oona wants to confide in Barbara who is a therapist… but afraid of admitting to (another) mental break.
Oona has falling outs with both Barbara and Bernhard.
Bernhard vanishes/stops talking to her.
But actually he is imprisoned in 1850.
Act 3:
Rethink everything
Oona want to be the inspiring voice of her generation, not the sales girl.
Needs to regain access to 1850, to Bernhard’s voice and guidance, to trigger Bernhard to come back?
But does not know how. Tries drugs, but finally realizes it was the hitting of her head that gave her access. But how often can she do that without doing irreparable harm to herself?
Finally she succeeds.
New plan
Bernhard inspires Oona to set up ‘Do You Matter’ challenges.
Oona gets interviews and an agent… and has to show her face?
It is an even bigger success, since now the followers start reposting her and starting actions.
At first they are good civil disobedience, but then the punk and party people start ruining it for everyone.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Her followers start looting and rioting in her name.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Someone gets hurt. It’s the end of the road.
At first Oona did not have to show her face… but now the cops are on to her.
Resolution
Bernhard is executed.
Experiencing that gives Oona the voice she needs to speak to non violence… and what is wrong with selfishness and breaking stuff.
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Alex’ Character Interview
Character Interviews are always fascinating to me. Having the characters lay on the coach and bare their souls, unburden themselves.
I learned that answering the questions from my 17 year old protagonist as a girl (which she is) or a boy did in fact give me different answers… the ‘do-er’ qualities were very strong in the male driven animus… I also realized that girls ‘in crime’ get away with a lot more… when it comes to run-ins with justice, a girl CAN actually twirl her hair and shrug a lot longer than a boy ever could.
Regarding my Antagonist/Buddy, he had clear views about his character make-up from within his time 1850… there were a lot of mentions of God and the Devil running someone’s life, being more fatalistic, being stuck in one’s caste (rich or poor)… and he did have a lot of excuses towards me, he was a bit ‘thick’.. the quick wit was always compared to animals and senses.
Will definitely have another interview with him about visiting 2024… when I get deeper into action and plot.
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Marian, 4 should be coming later today. Got this from support:
2 Feb 2023
8:00 AM
Day 4
Subject: [30 Day Script] Lesson 4: Character Interviews
3 Feb 2023
8:00 AM
Subject: [30 Day Script] Lesson 5: Four-Act Transformational Structure
4 Feb 2023
8:00 AM
Lesson 6
Subject: [30 Day Script] Lesson 6: Transformational Events
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What I learned doing this assignment… I felt blocked laying this track (so I guess I am overcomplicating it). I started yesterday and thought: No, I’ll sleep on it… and then got kinda anxious this morning and started cleaning my room BUT! I PUSHED through. I learned I can push through. I developed a good ritual, have a standing desk and 20 min timer. It went off twice, yay!
OONA (ODAR as boy avatar name – I turn to imaging my lead being male when Oona gets stuck in her head and/or feelings – not boldly going for action instead of doubting herself)
What draws us to this character?We admire dreamers that boldly storm the path less travelled. We see through the lens of magic, curiosity, asking the big questions: Why am I here? Do I matter? And she will not give up until she gets her answer!
Traits: Curious, stubborn, driven, uncomfortable in their own skin
Subtext: Makes erudite jokes hardly anyone understands – can come across as arrogant, where she is actually deeply empathic to all suffering and a kind and gentle being… to everyone but herself.
Flaw: Hypercritical, Empath (but doesn’t know it)… grew up too quickly. Nerdy adult behavoir… will feel like she missed out on being young and stupid. Needs to let go and laugh more. And dance like on one is watching.
Values: Truth, integrity, life should be an exciting adventure – Swiss society is too grounded and functional, the magic is hidden and money is too important. The facade has beauty, but also hides the double standard.
Irony: Bored by trodden path, wants to reform and blow shit up but wants to be loved and feels shame being an outsider, to not belong
What makes this the right character for this role?
She is a GenZ warrior… youngsters like Oona will lay the path for future generations. She has the will and determination to evoke change, ask the right questions… there is snark and disrespect for the past… they are quick to judge, because they have all this information at their fingertips… they can ‘see the whole world’ – and believe their are powerful and a second later will mope and pout and be passive aggressive woke. The great paradox in her: She is hypercritical, but a dreamer. Driven but also comfortable, maybe even lazy. Whatever that means. (ADD in women is a fascinating neurodiversity we are just beginning to understand)
BERNHARD
What draws us to this character?Bigger than life, egregious, daring, strong like an ox and a bear. Robin Hood character. Selfish and so so obvious in his faulty behavoir. Wants to be the special one. A beacon of fun and celebration.
Traits: Loud, cocky, comfortable in his own skin, scoundrel, addict, deeply insecure. Comfortable in his own skin. Ladies man. Shit magnet. Lucky bastard. Unlucky bastard.
Subtext: Happy drunk, vain, charming, anecdotal, quick to apologize the same empty promises that he believes himself and hopes will magically come true – but that are repetitive and without real substance or paths to real change.
Flaw: Lies (to himself), cheats, steals, self sabotages, pulls people down with him. Listens to the wrong people – gets drawn into gangs – but stays a loner.
Values: Freedom. Freedom. Have I mentioned freedom? Pursuit of happiness. Instant gratification, quick rewards.
Irony: Wants to leave Switzerland for the US, the Wild West, where his values would probably have made him a star… but can’t sever th ties to his ancestors… wants his family and (ex)wife be proud of him.
What makes this the right character for this role?
He is a real life character. This man existed.
For me it is a way to understand my own father… what he could have become… for better and/or for worse, if he would have met different people on the path.
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OONA PROTAGONIST
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Explorer: She pushes the bounds of knowledge in a physical sense – by accessing her inner <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Dreamer…<font face=”inherit”> </font>imagining<font face=”inherit”> a brighter future and taking action to bring it into being.</font>
BERNHARD PROTAGONIST
Change Agent: His purpose is to cause change. Teacher, coach, guide, he has an experience of Oona’s vision… but is a petty thief himself… a <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Predator: Narcissist. Has little empathy, because he can’t focus long enough on being ordinary. He might not want to eat Oona, but is definitely using her.
Supporting characters:
BARBARA 2024 (Oona’s Mom), BARBARA 1850 (Bernhard’s Ex-Wife), THAT CHEERLEADER (2024… Bernhard’s Affairs 1850), AUTHORITY FIGURES 1850
Minor roles: Characters who are in just a few scenes. LOVE INTEREST OONA 2024, REAL ACTIVISTS, REPORTER/INFLUENCER TALENT AGENT/MARKETING SPECIALIST
Background characters: Extras needed to make it work visually. VILLAGERS and PRISON GUARDS 1850, TROLLS/FOLLOWERS/DO YOU MATTER CHALLENGE.
GENRE
BUDDY-MOVIE with ACTION/DRAMA Elements
ROLE IN THE STORY: OONA
Protagonist Oona is 17, currently avoiding school. Sees herself as an activist, wants to influence, be the voice of her generation… right now she is more of an armchair activist.
AGE RANGE/DESCRIPTION: On the cusp of adulthood. Lives with her single mom and great grand aunt. Oona is non-binary in a natural way, she is still finding herself and experimenting with budding sensuality, avoiding sexuality… due to the rare early memories she has of her parents (both actors at the time) fighting (Liz Taylor / Richard Burton energy)
INTERNAL JOURNEY: From know-it-all GenZ to appreciating the sacrifice of her ancestors in creating a peaceful modern world… even if there is still a lot to be done and a lot has been f***ed up on our way here.
EXTERNAL JOURNEY: Through Bernhard’s eyes she learns to see the miracle that is present day 2024 … also the absurdity. Becoming a powerful influencer and famous/infamous… to the wrong people. Having brands chase her to becoming a voice for Greenwashing and other dubious sales. Discerning where she wants her influence to land. Learning to control her lucid dreaming ability, futility of saving her uncle from being executed.
MOTIVATION
Oona wants to have 10k followers.
She needs to have a mission, the right place for her activism to land.
She need to understand nuances. To focus and temper her energy and tendency to self-destruct, be consumed by her creative flame burning at all ends. In two time zones.
WOUND: Oona’s father is absent. He is in the US and never came to Switzerland. Ever. I am not making a definite choice yet… is he just estranged, remarried, dead (illness or self inflicted), or just a selfish prick and/or artist. Oona starts by blaming her mother. But finds out dealing with Bernhard, what it feels like to deal with a charming but ultimately deadly narcissist with addict structure.
MISSION: To stop the execution of Bernhard in 1850
A secret AGENDA is to not throw the baby out with the bathwater… to not flat out reject Bernhard’s narcissism and her futile attempts to be seen and loved by him (proxy to her father) – but to mine and cherish his character aspects that are promising. Especially his ABILITY TO ACT. Like her mother did (who is now a guidance counsellor and addict specialist – but just in her work, no in everyday life… Barbara has learned she can only help where her help will be received).
SECRET: Oona can visit 1850-54 in her dreams. There is a price to pay (she has to do some kind of stimming, like maybe hitting her head… which is detrimental to her health obviously).
As she ‘deteriorates’ or ‘her skills augment’ – Bernhard from 1850 also becomes visible to her in 2024. In modern times it might look like she is talking to herself… but HEY, no, she’s obviously on the phone… has earbuds in, right???
WHAT MAKES HER SPECIAL:
This is my secret: I am writing her as a male… but not telling anyone.
Got this from Seinfeld… Elaine was written as one of the boys. Yep.
I have gotten feedback that my female characters tend to feel ‘unsympathetic’ to the reader… they have self-pity, ruminate and dwell instead of jumping in feet first and acting… I hope this twist will do the trick for me.
BERNHARD
ROLE IM THE STORY: Protagonist
A real life low life from 1850. Executed in 1854. Never killed anyone, only robbed the rich. Life of every party. Charming devil. Narcissistic Robin Hood. Not a leader. Strong like an ox. Could bend metal with bare hands.
AGE AND DESCRIPTION: 30s. Hot bad boy. Happy drunk. Excellent smuggler. Lone wolf, never really joined a gang. But temped to influence by real criminals with no empathy. Like Pinocchio, all he really wanted was become a real boy and be good.
INTERNAL JOURNEY: Comes to really see and care for his niece Oona from 2024. Helps her become notorious in 2024 like he was in his own time 1850. Fails to see it will end badly… neither he nor Oona have the stomach to become hardened criminals… they just have ADD… they are nomads and bohemians in a sedentary environment of farmers and a rural mindset… a society that defines itself/holds on to material goods for dear life… Curious and willing to learn about the future 2024… not necessarily his own 1854. Goes from feeling doomed to knowing his sacrifice will change the justice system. Goes from trying to escape everything and everyone to ‘humbly’ accepting his fate. Losing his head.
EXTERNAL JOURNEY: To be wealthy and admired, have the good life without working. Thinks this is possible in the US, but can’t get himself to actually leave – is tethered to the soil of Kanton Aargau and his wife Barbara. Regularly lets himself get captured, because the one thing he is good at is breaking free. He can escape any jail with his wits and his tenacity… is erudite about buildings, was trained as a mason, bricklayer… and human empathy he can count on from others. Not afraid to ask for anything but real help.
MOTIVATION: System Crasher. Trouble maker. A life less ordinary. Being seen as a Robin Hood and Don Juan… without wanting to commit or actually lead, focus, have a vision beyond his own instant gratification. Influences Oona to become a socialite (in a country that hates making waves… coz that means enemies will be coming for your money, honey), throw a party, entertain and tell a great joke. To make em laugh.
WOUND: Believes he is unloveable. Incorrigible. But it’s just ADD. He would have made a great Robin Williams. (Which sadly ends badly as well, sob.)
MISSION/AGENDA: To escape. Reality. And real connection. To live a decent and ordinary life. Yawn.
SECRET: Is visited by an angel from 2024 that wants to save his life… change his ways… but he puts the shoe on the other foot to make her more like him…
WHAT MAKES HIM SPECIAL: He was larger than life, it now a mythical character – the stuff of legends. When we was beheaded, it is said his head rolled off stage and bit a fair maiden in her lower leg/calf… a doctor stole his head and put it in his night stand… but it was found and thrown out by the maid, at his public execution rubberneckers stole his clothes and blood (that they though imbued him with magical powers), to this day his grave/body has not been located.
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What I learned doing this assignment is:
- How much I appreciate language and words. And worlds. And a premise.
- How even after 2-3 decades of doing this, I am apprehensive to take bold action. I dread making choices… going left or right. Throwing myself into forward motion. It dilutes the premise. I’m prone to the haze and the maze. Do I really want to find the way out? I love getting lost. But hate feeling lost.
- I know screenwriting is moving pictures, action. Not deliberation and philosophy.
- Maybe I’m actually a poet or song writer or novelist. But I’m so in love with the product of film. So I keep going.
LOGLINE
A teen influencer/armchair activist’s mysterious new mentor has turned her into an internet sensation overnight, now she only has to steer clear of not losing her head like her notorious relative, who was publicly beheaded in 1854.
PROTAGONISTS
OONA MATTER (17) in 2024
BERNHART MATTER (35) in 1854
ANTAGONISTS
BARBARA in 2024. Oona’s Mother.
BARBARA in 1854. Bernhart’s (Ex) Wife.
THAT POPULAR GIRL. Who is actually an airhead. Her attraction is only skin deep. She might be popular now, in high school… but there is no substance to build a real life and character from to last a long successful life.
JAVERT-Characters. JURISPRUDENCE. LAW ABIDING SOCIETY with double standards.
OONA and BERNHART are buddy-movie antagonists – not a romcom as they are niece/uncle, but they deserve and love to hate each other. They have Benedict and Beatrice rapport – we love to see them sparring off, a Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid amity (albeit young Oona is closer to the guarded level-headedness of Butch and her uncle more of a naive, shirt-chasing Sundance). HAMLET and FALSTAFF.
INTERNAL JOURNEY:
Oona longs to belong. Beyond belongings.
As with many GenZ kids, matter no longer matters. (transcending labels and labelling).
Oona strives to build a social media self/avatar that will attract followers… to tell her who she is. To project a slick external shell of self-assurance, as inside she feels hollow and empty, struggles with self-acceptance.
She is young, has not experienced a lot of life yet. And as we know: Youth is wasted on the young.
She is tired of being a good girl. Bad girls seem to have all the fun.
She will learn that life and love are limited goods.
Becoming responsible is to adequately respond. An absolute truth In 2024 as it was in 1854.
Watch your thoughts, they become your words. Watch your words, they become your actions, your actions become your habits, which become your destiny.
External Journey:
Oona starts dreaming about her ancestor, her great-great not so great grand uncle Bernhart Matter, a legendary thief, petty crook, escape artist, jail- and heart breaker, underground rock star, who was publicly beheaded in 1854 in the Swiss town of Lenzburg.
The death sentence was an overwrought response to his actions, the justice department at the time couldn’t help themselves. They wanted him to behave and cut the crap. He lead them on a wild goose chase and ridiculed them.
Aargau was a young state. They were sandwiched in between the older richer states of Zurich and Basel.
At first Oona is mesmerized by the attention Bernhart commands. He lived fast and died young.
As she knows he only has a few years to live and knows the outcome, the consequences of his actions, she tries to warn him to change his ways.
Bernhart lives a life less ordinary. He influences Oona, advises her to go out on a limb, to ‘do first and think later’, to be bold, ruthless, self-centred, self sufficient and selfish. He is also full of self-hatred, when he has glimpses of ‘what alcoholics refer to as moments of clarity’… that in fact his are not victimless crimes.
ARC BEGINNING: Bernhart Matter appears in Oona’s dreams. She appears in his.
ARC ENDING: Oona is an internet sensation. ‘Do You Matter’ Challenges have gone overboard and she has to put the genie back in the bottle. Also she can’t stop Bernhart Matter from being executed again. Because his death will inspire justice reforms.
Old Ways: As much as Oona never thought Bernhart Matter made sound choices, she envies him for his headless behavoir. He is unreflective.
New Ways: Oona understands that life is precious and it’s a shame to waste it. To live in society is a subtile dance of self expression and respect for the space and belongings of others.
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1. Alexandra Surer agrees to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, Alexandra Surer agrees to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi everyone! Happy 2023.
I’m Alex (she/her), Swiss American, based in Zurich. Excited to be back at the U after a 5 year hiatus in which I developed and produced other writer’s labours of love. I’ve written 5-7 specs, all chilling in a drawer.
‘Do You Matter’ will be my first script to enter Swiss Film Funding.
I‘m excited to get back into the groove of writing daily, laying down track first thing in the morning. I juggle a lot of other creative’s urgent needs, so making my own storytelling my most important part of my day will be a game changer.
Hal once told me in his brilliant succinct way: Your writing is always outside the box – but you need to stay within the… what was it… theme? Topic? Scope… hmmm, grrr… yeah… high functioning dyslexic at work here!
I taught my sister’s cat Gloria, a timid grey Scottish Fold rescue, to hiss and growl. But she only hisses and growls at me… when we are alone – no one else has ever heard her utter even remotely aggressive sounds… as happy as I am that I inspired her to own and grow her range of feline emotions (you go gurl!), I catch myself pondering: Does she genuinely hate me? Why did I do this to myself. Sob. Gotta love a good dilemma.
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I, Alexandra Surer,
2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi everyone! Happy 2023.
I’m Alex (she/her), Swiss American, based in Zurich. Excited to be back at the U after a 5 year hiatus in which I developed and produced other writer’s labours of love. I’ve written 5 specs, they are chilling in my desk drawer.
‘Do You Matter’ will be my first script to enter Swiss Film Funding.
I hope to get back into the groove of writing daily, laying down track first thing in the morning. I juggle a lot of other creative’s urgent needs, so making my own storytelling my most important part of my day will be a game changer.
Hal once told me in his brilliant succinct way: Your writing is always outside the box – but you need to stay within the… what was it… theme? Topic? Scope… hmmm, grrr… yeah… high functioning dyslexic at work here!
I taught my sister’s cat Gloria, a timid grey Scottish Fold rescue, to hiss and growl. But she only hisses and growls at me… when we are alone – no one else has ever heard her utter even remotely aggressive sounds… as happy as I am that I inspired her to extend her range of feline emotions (you go gurl!), I catch myself pondering: Does she now genuinely hate me? Why did I do this to myself. Sob. Gotta love a good dilemma.
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Yes, also received lesson 17 but not 4 yet.
When the header said ‘Act 3 begins’… I first thought: Fascinating! We are building backwards… that’s smart, do the hard part first 😁’