[Susan Willard]

Writing a Contained Movie Script

Day 4 Lesson 4 Build your Characters Depth

Susan Willard’s Character Depth!

What I learned doing this assignment is that the more I reviewed and used the Character Depth process, the more I could refine and update with more layers of depth. I originally hated the exercise, but once it was completed, it was worth it. I certainly will keep this Character Depth exercise in mind whenever I am writing.

Character: Dad:

Internal Character Depth

· Motivation: He started this entire story by deciding to move to live in his childhood home.

· Secret: Dad is torn about moving back to the home he grew up in. He is haunted by his childhood.

· Wound: Dad has spent his life running from his childhood remembrances.

· Subtext: Dad hides his emotions, partial memories, and his insecurity in leading the family.

· Layers: Dad has a degree in business management. He has trouble holding jobs for a long time.

Character to Character

Conflicts:

· Dad is conflicted internally, by his childhood, but he doesn’t know why.

Hidden Agenda:

· Dad wants to get to the bottom of what really happened in his childhood.

Conspiracy:

· Dad asked mom to help him figure out the truth about his childhood.

Intrigue:

· Dad against his childhood. Is he mentally unstable or is his mind making things up?

Character Situation

Dilemma:

· Dad: Should he decide that they will live at his childhood home permanently?

· Dad: Can he trust his thinking and perception of his past?

Secret Identity:

· Dad is a mentally insecure father, who has trouble with stability in his life.

______________________________________________________________________

Character: Mom:

Internal Character Depth

· Motivation: Mom feels responsibility is to keep the family together and happy.

· Secret: Mom has been communicating with Dad’s Aunt, secretly.

· Wound: Mom has an emptiness in her heart because she has never had a family of her own.

· Subtext: Mom is hiding the fact that she has never had a family, pretending to know what to do as a mom.

· Layers: Mom poured her life into an education of all types of scientific fields. She had her own plant nursery business before marrying.

Character to Character

Conflicts:

· Mom didn’t want to move.

Hidden Agenda:

· Mom wants to have her first family ever, close, loving, caring and happy, forever.

· Mom talks with dad’s aunt and agrees to get him to hold a backyard BBQ their first night in the house.

Conspiracy:

· Mom conspires with dad’s aunt to have a backyard BBQ their first night in the house.

Intrigue:

· Mom has set up a family BBQ on the first night in the dad’s childhood home. Is it a mistake?

Dilemma:

· Mom: Can she trust Dad’s aunt?

· Mom: Agreed to help have a backyard BBQ. Was the decision a good one?

Secret Identity:

· Mom is an overeducated scientist, who loves to learn about anything living.

______________________________________________________________________

Character: Daughter:

Internal Character Depth

· Motivation: Daughter’s anger and emotional sadness from moving far away from her school and friends is driving her to distance herself from her family.

· Secret: Daughter has a secret boyfriend and online selling business.

· Wound: Daughter’s wound is new; having to leave her secret boyfriend and business behind.

· Subtext: Daughter is hiding her secret boyfriend, her secret website and online business.

· Layers: She is actively running an online business selling clothing accessories, and it is stopping her from making the accessories, selling them, and advancing her business. She may be losing customers while she can’t run her business.

Character to Character

Conflicts:

· Their daughter didn’t want to move, because she is popular at her old school, secret boyfriend, and business.

Hidden Agenda:

· Their daughter plans to go back to her secret boyfriend, and she wants to continue her secret online business.

Conspiracy:

· Daughter conspires to run away and get back with her boyfriend.

Intrigue:

· Will their daughter run away to be with her secret boyfriend? Will she start up her business again and tell the family about it?

Dilemma:

· Daughter: Stay with family or run away? Start the business over in the new home or wait and see what happens?

Secret Identity:

· Their daughter is an online business owner.

______________________________________________________________________

Character: Son:

Internal Character Depth

· Motivation: He is excited about the change of moving.

· Secret: He has secretly been hacking the daughter’s computer. He knows all her secrets, even where she gets her money.

· Wound: He has interior and exterior pain from feet disability from birth, surgeries until last year when both feet were amputated.

· Subtext: He is secretly hiding his hacking his sister’s computer and applications.

· Layers: Son spent his growing up so far by watching TV and movies, and on the computer.

Character to Character

Conflicts:

· Son knows her secret of her secret boyfriend and online business.

Hidden Agenda:

· He is secretly pushing himself to become better with his prosthetics so that he can do other things that people with feet can do.

Conspiracy:

· Son conspires with his sister for what he wants, or he’ll tell mom and dad about her secrets.

Intrigue:

· Will their son tell his mom and dad about his sister’s secret boyfriend and business?

Dilemma:

· Keep quiet about his sister’s secrets, use the information, and blackmail his sister, or just out right tell on his sister?

Secret Identity:

Their son is a double foot amputee trying to find his niche in “real life”.

______________________________________________________________________

Character: Elderly Aunt:

Internal Character Depth

· Motivation: Aunt will hand over the family heritage and estate to Dad, as soon as possible.

· Secret: She was his secret babysitter, for him, as he grew up, when his parents were gone, and they were gone often.

· Wound: She is a neutral identity and has no emotional or physical wounds.

· Subtext: She is hiding what she really is. She isn’t human.

· Layers: She is dad’s childhood babysitter, educator, and protector while his parents were gone. She has never let go of that job and has been on duty for all of Dad’s life.

Character to Character

Conflicts:

· Aunt knows, (and controls), all that happens at dad’s childhood home.

Hidden Agenda:

· Aunt has a secret mission, to pass the family secrets on to Dad before she expires, and she’s on a timeline.

Conspiracy:

· Dad’s aunt conspired with dad, when he was young, not to tell anyone about their fun times together until he is a grown up with his own family.

Intrigue:

· What is their aunt’s big welcoming home surprise for dad, at the BBQ?

Character Situation

Dilemma:

· Aunt: No dilemma for her personally, but her actions may cause dilemmas for others.

Secret Identity:

· Dad’s Aunt is not a human.

· Dad’s Aunt was his babysitter.

[Susan Willard]

Writing the Ultimate Contained Movie Script

LESSON 3: Who are the Right Characters?

Susan Willard’s Right Characters!

What I learned doing this assignment is… as I flush out the people in my story, I do have room enough to make them each uniquely different yet fit together for my story. I have more ideas in mind, and ready to use that I realize.

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[Susan Willard]

Ultimate Contained Movie Script ASSIGNMENT Lesson 2. High Concept — The Key to Selling Scripts!

Susan A. Willard’s Great Hook!

A. How did this process work for you?

This process of creating ideas for a Great Hook worked well.

· Part 1: The Brainstorming story concept ideas helped me make each attributes become more meaningful and of equal depth, so the story could be well balanced.

· Part 2: The High Concept Question was an interesting exercise. Depending on the genre, I may have to do some research for some ideas to see what has been done before.

· Part 3: The “Exchanging Components” activity was useful and fun. I enjoyed mixing up ideas with other ideas. This exercise helped me put layers together to create more interest and intrigue to the story, because I wanted several of the Exchanged Components instead of using just one.

B. What did you learn doing this assignment?

I did have fun with this assignment. I learned in this assignment that I can go farther than I first envisioned in inventing ideas. Flushing out extremes, over-the-top, or the bizarre and strange, or the unique and new ideas, then will create new ideas.

[Susan Willard]

Ultimate Contained Movie Script ASSIGNMENT Lesson 1

Susan A. Willard’s Guidelines for THE BLUES BROTHERS (1980)

What I learned doing this assignment is that by choosing to do this exercise using the movie (1980) THE BLUES BROTHERS, I now believe that any movie can be reimagined using the COVID Guidelines. However, it may dramatically change actions and attributes of the story presentation, while keeping the story the same.

ASSIGNMENT PART 1: Select Your Project

1. Go through your five ideas and determine which of them can easily fit the Covid-19 guidelines.

A. I brainstormed seven ideas for my project.

· Two ideas put on hold due to requirement for children and mature actors.

· One idea put on hold due to requirement for the requirement of close contact with others.

· One idea put on hold uses animation or computer-generated characters.

· One idea put on hold because it may be too hackneyed, needs more concept work.

· One idea put on hold because I had already worked on it, and I want to start from nothing.

· One idea left to work on is promising.

B. I can write a pitch in one or two sentences.

C. There is something unique about it.

ASSIGNMENT PART 2: Adjust a Produced Movie to Covid Guidelines

2. Pick a movie that is outside the Covid Guidelines and give us your thoughts on how they could make it in the current production environment.

TITLE: THE BLUES BROTHERS (1980)

I picked THE BLUES BROTHERS movie from 1980 because I love the movie, but it has always seemed to have a bit of fluff.

AS THEY DID IT:

A. People: An inner circle of 20 to 25, with hundreds of others in 16 + crowd scenes.

B. Stunts: One or more stunts in the 16+ crowd scenes, and more with main actors

only.

C. Extras: Hundreds or more. (less if same extras used in multiple scenes).

D. Wardrobe: Each scene, especially the 16+ crowd scenes, need specific outfits for

specific scenes were required, main characters are dressed in repetitive.

costumes.

E. Hair and Make Up: Tremendous amount of hair and make used.

F. Kids and Animals: Children, older people and animals used.

G. Quarantine: Would have been too expensive and impossible.

H. Miscellaneous: Obviously had no limits in production or creativity.

COVID GUIDELINE VERSION:

To be COVID compliant, the concept of the story needs major rethinks to the story presentation, such as POV, or perspective, or timelines, or different manifestations of the difficulties that they experienced along the journey, are needed.

A. People: Use the Band Members only, with one or two secondary characters.

B. Stunts: Using reflective methods, the stunts represented by still pictures,

Drawn pictures, Band Members telling portions or discussing the stunts.

C. Extras: None needed.

D. Wardrobe: Only the simple Band Members outfits, for other routine character outfits.

E. Hair and Make Up: The actors can do their own hair, makeup – and costumes.

F. Kids and Animals: None needed.

G. Quarantine: Maybe, depending upon if the scenes are set with individuals or small

groups.

H. Miscellaneous: I knew THE BLUES BROTHERS would be challenging, but after spending time rethinking how to tell the story, I think it would be work.

[Susan Willard]

1. Susan A. Willard

2. I have been working on parts of three scripts for about one year.

3. The class in learning how to effectively write Contained Script will help me write tighter more appropriate scripts for everyone in the process of film making. I like this idea and want to be good at writing contained scripted.

4. I am able to work efficiently and effectively from both sides of my brain, analytically and creatively.

[Susan Willard]

1. Susan A. Willard

2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

[Susan Willard]

Week 4 Day 1 – Attack – Counterattack — GROSS POINTE BLANK

Assignment

What I learned in rewriting my scene.

I learned that attack – counterattack dialogue can be fun to enter into most scenes. I had more dialogue to cut because I kept writing and writing. The possibilities are endless.

[Susan Willard]

Week 4 Day 2: Character Profile in Dialogue —

Scene: “MOLLY’S GAME”

What I learned in rewriting my scene.

In rewriting my scene, I realized that I could improve the
interaction of my characters by bouncing the ideas of the dialogue back
and forth between the characters in a more normal way of talking.
I also noticed that my dialogue needed more meaning, and to come
from a deeper place within each character’s profiled person.

[Susan Willard]

Week 4 Day 4 – Ironic Dialogue — IN THE LINE OF FIRE

Scene “The Irony is so Thick.”

What I learned in rewriting my scene.

I have learned that irony can fit in my scenes in ways I have never expected. I need to practice and really investigate where I can use irony. I believe this could be beneficial to my screenplays.

[Susan Willard]

Week 4 Day 3: Stacking Intrigue – JFK

Scene: “A Meeting with X.”

What I learned in rewriting my scene.

When I rewrote my scene, I found that if I leave it alone when I think I have stacked enough, I come back to find out that there is more stacking to do. I will be learning stacking for intrigue for a long time. (That is a good thing.)

[Susan Willard]

Week 4 Day 5 – Monologue Scene – JAWS

Scene: “The Indianapolis Speech”

What I learned in rewriting my scene.

I learned that a monologue can be extremely useful in the correct place at the correct time. The monologue needs clean, tight, efficient (as few words as possible), and purposeful writing.

[Susan Willard]

Week 4 Day 5 – Monologue Scene – JAWS

Scene: “The Indianapolis Speech”

JAWS — The Shark story about USS Indianapolis

SETUP: A man-eating shark has attacked and killed tourist. These three have gone out in a boat to lure the shark away and kill it. This is the night before they have the final fight with the shark.

Watch first time for:

Basic scene components —

Scene arc:

From a restful night before a fish hunt turns into a time of tense contemplation of what can happen when battling a shark in a life and death situation, as supported by Sailor Quint’s story.

Situation:

The three men are on a boat, in the middle of the ocean, resting around a table, on the night before they start actively looking for a shark so they can kill it, so it will not kill anymore people. Quint tells his personal experience about surviving shark attacks.

Conflict:

Man against Shark

Moving the Story Forward:

The monologue moves the story forward with the tense, suspenseful, horrifying truths and events of a true man against shark attack. It leaves the audience and the three men in anticipation of the events to follow.

Entertainment Value:

The scene intertwines true horrors of man fighting sharks in the water, with the potential events that could happen on the movies shark hunt. Everyone is now in deep and tense anticipation.

Setups:

Quint’s story gives the horrific possibilities of fighting sharks in/on the sea, such as being eaten by the shark, persistence of the sharks, lifeless eyes of the shark until they bite you, and unknown actions by the shark until they act. The shark is an intelligent foe. Quint’s fight for survival mirrored the battle of waterloo.

Payoffs:

The movie’s action doesn’t fail to give us all that as promised in Quint’s story: suspense, horror, death, persistence, intrigue, a formable foe, an unexpected ending and more.

Watch second time for:

What makes this scene great?

Quint’s monologue makes this scene by:

· Preparing the men for what they will experience in the shark fight.

· Giving the men an excellent description of the shark, very descriptive.

· Letting the men know the horrors of a shark fight, such as death, fight involved, methods of a shark attack, extreme loss of life.

· Putting fear, suspense, anticipation, horror, things that could happen in the shark hut into the minds of the men and the audience.

How is the monologue demanded by the situation?

The monologue sets the men and audience an expectation for the possible actions and events that may happen in the fight against the shark.

How does it deliver deep insight that is an expression of character?

By Quint telling the shark survival story, explains why Quint acts as he does. On the surface Seaman Quint seems eccentric and plain unusual. However, after hearing his “USS Indianapolis speech,” explains why he hunts the shark with a passion and a purpose, why he demands specific tasks be conducted a certain way, and why “HE” wants to be the one to kill the shark. It’s personal and painful for Quint, and all that matters to him in life.

How does the monologue have a beginning, middle, and an end?

§ Monologue’s beginning:

The stage is set by the story of USS Indianapolis delivering the bomb to Titian, sunk by two Japanese submarine torpedoes, sending eleven hundred men into the ocean, to survive on their own.

§ Monologue’s middle:

The story paints a picture of surviving in the ocean with sharks attacking. Quint’s description is complete with shark details, habits, and actions of the sharks, what happened to the men in the ocean = only 316 came out alive from the water, the sharks took the rest.

§ Monologue’s end:

Quint: “Eleven hundred men went into the water. Three hundred and sixteen came out of the water. The sharks took the rest. June 29, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.”

What are your insights into monologues in general?

The monologue in a script is a great transitionary tool that can deliver:

§ Tension

§ Suspense

§ Anticipation

§ Vivid Descriptions

§ Set the Stage for Future Events

§ Reveal Secrets

§ Communicate Experiences

§ Explain Motives

§ Paint Character Attributes, positive and negative

§ And more.

What I learned in rewriting my scene.

I learned that a monologue can be extremely useful in the correct place at the correct time. The monologue needs clean, tight, efficient (as few words as possible), and purposeful writing.

[Susan Willard]

Week 4 Day 4 – Ironic Dialogue — IN THE LINE OF FIRE

Scene “The Irony is so Thick.”

SETUP: There is a credible threat against the President’s life and Secret Service Agent Frank Horrigan must stop it. After the shooter saves Frank’s life, Frank gets a call from him with a few FYI’s.

Watch first time for:

Basic scene components —

Scene arc:

A former Secret Service agent, who worked for protecting JFK during his assassination, gets a call from a criminal who is planning to kill the current president.

Situation:

The former Secret Service agent, who is investigating the plot to kill the current president, tries to get information out of the caller that only pokes fun on him.

Conflict: Ironic Conflict:

§ The same government that trained Mitch Leary to kill, also trained Frank Horrigan to protect.

§ Frank Horrigan could not save JFK from assassination but did save someone on the rooftop and accused by Mitch Leary of saving himself, and Mitch Leary, the assassin, saved Frank Horrigan.

§ Mitch Leary is determined to kill the current president, while Frank Horrigan is determined to stop Mitch Leary and kill him also.

Moving the Story Forward:

The Scene moves the story forward by their back-and-forth power struggle of phone dialogue.

Entertainment Value:

The dynamic banter between the two men on the phone, along with each other’s reactions create an entertaining scene. The audience must stick around to see if Frank Horrigan kill Mitch Leary by the end of the movie.

Setups:

§ Mitch Leary wants to kill the president.

§ Frank Horrigan want to kill Mitch Leary and foil his evil plot.

Payoffs:

I have not seen the movie, but I hope both the setups are satisfied by the end of the movie.

Watch second time for:

What makes this scene great?

The adversarial relationship between both men, their dialogue, and their enthusiastic responses to each other.

Besides saying it is ironic, how does irony show up in the dialogue
itself?

§ Mitch Leary says, “The irony’s so thick that you can choke on it… The same government that trained me to kill trained you to protect.”

§ Mitch Leary says, “Do you really have the guts to take a bullet.”

§ Frank Horrigan says, “I’ll be thinking about that while I’m pissing on your grave.”

How does irony show up in the character’s behavior?

Both men’s faces show their passion, anger, and determination, as they talk with each other, through their facial expressions: eyes open wide, skin color changes, eyebrows ruffle or release, their smiles, grimaces, or pursed lips.

What are your insights into ironic dialogue and irony in general?

§ Irony in a scene can give deeper meanings to actions, words, or situations.

§ Irony can set up new and deeper pay offs for later in the film or story.

§ Irony can add depth to your character, that otherwise would not be possible.

§ Irony can add additional relationships to consider between your protagonist and your antagonist.

What I learned in rewriting my scene.

I have learned that irony can fit in my scenes in ways I have never expected. I need to practice and really investigate where I can use irony. I believe this could be beneficial to my screenplays.

[Susan Willard]

Week 4 Day 3: Stacking Intrigue – JFK

Scene: “A Meeting with X.”

SETUP: JFK was assassinated in Dallas, but the crime is being investigated from New Orleans. Prosecutor Jim Garrison meets with an Intelligence Officer to get the real story.

Watch first time for:

Basic scene components —

Scene arc:

§ A General, Intelligence Officer, meets with a prosecutor, to discuss his case in the JFK murder.

§ He talks consistently and asks questions in the 4 minutes of interaction, leaving little time for the prosecutor to ask questions.

§ By the end of the interaction, the prosecutor has more questions than answers, just like the Intelligence Officer, leaving them needing more information to be able to know the truth.

Situation:

§ The prosecutor from New Orleans in the JFK assassination case, located in Dallas, is trying to find answers by talking to an Intelligence Officer to get the truth.

Conflict:

§ The assassination happened in Dallas, the case is being investigated from New Orleans, and all the information from the Intelligence Officer indicates a well-organized, military style, government involved plot and coverup.

Moving the Story Forward:

§ The layered non-stop four-minute dialogue from the informant, layered with flashback pictures of the assassination scenes, background noises and music, combined to leave the audience pinned to the screen, waiting for what is next.

§ The fast-paced start of the Intelligence Officers dialogue of sixteen plus factual statements, layered with unknown answers to pivotal questions in the first minute and a half.

§ Followed by the next two minutes of the Black Operations set up of the assassination, back with seventeen plus facts, and riddled with unanswered questions.

§ Supported by the last minute and a half of challenges in facts and questions, laying out for the prosecutor the three questions he needs to answer to prove his defendant innocent.

Entertainment Value:

§ The layered non-stop dialogue from the informant, with the flashback pictures of the assassination scenes, and the background noises and music, combined to leave the audience pinned to the screen, waiting for what is next.

Setups:

§ Come from the informant, Intelligence Officer’s, information.

§ 1. The plot to kill JFK, based on the 16+ facts, and more speculative questions he asks.

§ 2. The organizations, or people, who planned and executed the assassination.

§ 3 The open questions remaining, and how to follow up with to find the truth. – Who had the power, money, and knowledge to accomplish the assassination?

Payoffs:

I have not seen the movie, but hopefully the payoffs come from finding out and dealing with:

§ The details of the JFK assassination plot.

§ The combined activities that pulled off the assassination.

§ Who planned and executed the assassination plot?

Watch second time for:

What makes this scene great?

§ The dialogue pace and details.

§ The scenes of the assassination are in the form of flashbacks.

§ The way the dialogue built the tension and rose to more questions by the order of information put forth.

How most of the questions and statements cause intrigue?

§ By the quick pace of rapid fire, leaving no time for interruption.

§ By the order picked to give the information causing thoughts and questions to build on latest information.

Different forms of intriguing lines.

§ Short statements of facts.

§ Statements that pull multiple facts together.

§ Questions based on stated facts.

§ Speculative questions based on a combination of facts and or other questions.

§ Leading questions with facts to back them up.

§ Challenging facts and questions – requiring more information, thought, and subtext.

The effect of stacking a series of intriguing statements on top of
each other.

The effect of stacking a series of intriguing statements is to pull the audience into the scene with more focus of information given, give the audience information for the things to come, to think about, to question, and to raise the audience tension for what is going to come next.

What are your insights into intriguing dialogue and stacking
intrigue?

This scene demonstrated to me that there are unlimited techniques for utilizing stacking dialogue, dialogue with visuals, and dialogue with audibles, in script writing.

Our imagination is our boundaries in stacking for intrigue.

What I learned in rewriting my scene.

When I rewrote my scene, I found that if I leave it alone when I think I have stacked enough, I come back to find out that there is more stacking to do. I will be learning stacking for intrigue for a long time. (That is a good thing.)

[Susan Willard]

Week 4 Day 2: Character Profile in Dialogue —

Scene: “MOLLY’S GAME”

SET UP: Molly, charged with a federal crime for running an illegal poker game worth millions of dollars, and waiting for prosecutors to decide her fate, she runs into her dad…who she has despised while growing up.

Watch first for:

Basic scene components —

Scene arc:

The hurting father, who searched for his daughter, confronts her to connect and start a better father-daughter relationship with her.

Situation:

Molly, a hurt, angry, rebellious daughter, doesn’t want to have a discussion or relationship with her father. However, she respectfully listens to his words.

Conflict:

Molly, an angry, hurt, and rebellious daughter, doesn’t want her father to interfere in her life now. Her father, a hurting, shameful, sinful father, urgently desires to confess his sins, and shame, to reconnect and build a new relationship with his daughter.

Entertainment Value:

The scene delivers fiery and leading dialogue that pulls our attention to the end of the scene so that we can see the result.

Moving the Story Forward:

The ping/pong method of intent in dialogue of both characters compel the scene forward, directing our attention to every action on stage.

Setup:

Molly, charged with a federal crime for running an illegal poker game worth millions of dollars, and waiting for prosecutors to decide her fate, she runs into her dad…who she has despised while growing up.

Payoff:

By the end of the scene, Molly, and her dad, have an improved understanding of each other and their behaviors. They have taken the first step to a new and growing relationship.

Setup:

The relationship connection with the father/daughter sets up for a change in both characters’ lives.

Payoffs:

Payoffs are possible, further into the story, due to this scene’s set up.

Watch second for:

What makes this scene great?

The change in the relationship, through their dialogue back and forth, resulting in a plot change in the lives of both, as well as the direction of the story – makes the scene great.

Notice the difference in their dialogue.

The daughter’s dialogue is pushing back, dismissive, and negative, while the father’s dialogue is authoritative, determined, urgent, persistent. The dialogue dynamics make for an entertaining, informative, and process of change for both characters.

What parts of his profile do you see coming through?

§ Authoritative Father and psychiatrist.

§ Sinful, Shameful Father, who treated his daughter differently from his sons.

What parts of her profile do you see coming through?

§ An independent, successful women in trouble and distress.

§ A raw, hurt, angry, father dismissing, resistant daughter.

Interesting dialogue that makes this scene powerful.

Interesting Quotes, (to me), not listed in
context or in order.

Molly: “Old man, do you really not recognize sarcasm?”

Father: “I’m just admiring my watch.”

Father: “I’m indifferent as to whether your father lives or dies.”

Father: “Ok, we’re going to do three years of therapy in three minutes.”

Molly: “Do you think you were a good husband?”

Father: “I did. It’s only that from time to time it appeared that I didn’t.”

Molly: “You turned into a different person. Your voice… Your face…”

Father: “You saw me in the car, and you didn’t know what you saw.”

Father: “You tripped over a stick.”

What insights did you have into Character Profile Dialogue?

§ The father’s dialogue and actions show his urgency to get his message across so that they can get along better.

§ The daughter’s dialogue and actions demonstrate her reluctance, frustration, and rejection of her father’s visit and message.

What I learned in rewriting my scene.

In rewriting my scene, I realized that I could improve the
interaction of my characters by bouncing the ideas of the dialogue back
and forth between the characters in a more normal way of talking.
I also noticed that my dialogue needed more meaning, and to come from
a deeper place within each character’s profiled person.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Susan Willard. Reason: Added the analysis of "What I learned in rewriting my scene."

[Susan Willard]

Week 4 Day 1 – Attack – Counterattack — GROSS POINTE BLANK

Assignment

SETUP: Martin is a hitman who has an invitation to go back to his high school reunion and see his high school girlfriend that he abandoned. This is his regularly scheduled therapy session.

Watch 1st time for:

Basic scene components —

Scene arc:

Martin arrives at his therapy session and begins talking. Therapist states that he no longer is his therapist, because the Therapist is afraid of him – being a hit man he fears for his life and is emotionally afraid. Martin is at wits end and emotionally wants to work with the therapy process to solve his problems. The two men fight their issues through their discussion with each other, until the Therapist give therapy suggestions. Martin reluctantly receives them. The end of the session until the next one.

Situation:

Martin is compelled to collaborate with the Therapist. He is emotionally desperate to solve his life’s problems. At the same time, his therapist is compelled to bow out of counseling Martin, because Martin told him that he made a living as a hitman. The Therapist is emotionally desperate to not have Martin as a patient. They push their sides of the situation, back and forth, in the form of dialogue.

Conflict:

Both Martin and actively working to get their position taken seriously and resolved. Martin keeps pushing his therapist to collaborate with him to solve life problems, while his therapist is desperate to get away and never see Martin again, fearing for his life. Both men push, against each other, the best they know how in their dialogues.

Entertainment Value:

§ The action of the attack / counterattack dialogue.

§ Each men driven deeper into the situation by their fight, instead of flight, dialogue.

§ Both men are threatened by the other’s adverse actions. We are intrigued and stay to watch what will happen.

Moving the Story Forward:

Each statement, each thought put into dialogue move the scene forward. No waste in any word or sentence. The fight in discussion is swift and well thought out by each man. Until Martin gets three or four answers from the Therapy and verification from the therapist that he, Martin, indeed, needs to get a different scenery – and without shooting anyone.

Setup/Payoffs:

§ Setup: Martin asks if he should go to his high school reunion.

§ Payoff: Therapist finally says, “Yes” after a war of words.

§ Setup: The Therapist doesn’t want to collaborate with Martin because the Therapist is afraid for his life.

§ Payoff: No payoff on this scene, but there may be further into the movie.

§ Setup: M Martin asks the therapist for a regular therapy session, and even threatens him to get it.

§ Payoff: Therapist answers Martins questions:

Ø Question: Martin wanted to talk about why he was miserable.

Ø Answer: Therapist said he was killing him. It was obvious. His life was lacking morality.

Ø Question: Martin asked to talk about his dreams about being a battery bunny, as one example.

Ø Answer: Therapist answered that the bunny represented Martin, no brain, banging his hands together, not doing anything, aimless…

Ø Question: Martin asks if he should go to the high school reunion.

Ø Answer: Therapist: Yes, just don’t shoot anyone.

Watch 2nd Time for:

What makes this scene great?

The natural and realistic nature of the banter back and forth allows the audience to not only witness, but to experience and relate to both men and their struggles.

How every response is an Attack / Counterattack?

Each line is either an attach or a counterattack because each man responds to the other’s comments with their point of view, in a simple and direct manner.

How this is a natural part of their relationship.

This is a natural part of the Therapist patient’s (or potential patient) relationship of being truthful, direct, to the point, deathly honest and personal with each other.

How Attack / Counterattack comes from opposing perspectives.

Each character’s dialogue pushes back giving his perspective on how things should be going.

What insights did you have about Attack/Counterattack dialogue?

Having considered and tried to write dialogue like this for a scene in my active script, I am going to have to write slower, more detailed, more to the point, in a layered fashion to get a moving combat type dialogue that works well and moves the scene to the next scene. (Lots of practice ahead of me).

[Susan Willard]

Week 3 Day 5 Stacking Intrigue Game of Thrones Opening_The Wildlings are Dead_S1E1 Assignment

Watch 1st time for: · Basic scene components:

· Scene arc:

Three horsemen, on patrol in a snowy forest; one finds the remains of a ritualistic cult sacrifice of twelve people and flees to tell the others.

· Situation:

Evil against humanity exists in the nearby woods.

· Conflict:

The evil in the woods is constrictive to any activity the community has outside their fortified compound. The riders must deal with the Evil, in the woods, immediately, and completely.

· Moving the story forward:

· Action: The waiting riders in the beginning of the scene, called attention to the riders, their look, and their mannerisms, while waiting for the wooden door to slowly slide open. What will happen next?

§ Action gradually increased by transitioning movements, such as the first rider motioning to others to spread out, alone, to different areas. What will happen next?

§ Upon finding a rising mist, beyond a ridge, the second rider investigates, the action stops, giving rise to the climatic visions, until

§ At the very fast-fleeing rider, stumbling against a dead child, with horrified frozen face, turns and rides to tell the others, developing the top of intrigue, begging the question: What will happen next?

· Visuals: Timely and detailed visual scenes force the audience to more intense information without focusing on dialogue, sound effects, or an intricate soundtrack.

· Sounds: Sometimes absent, sometimes faint, sometimes music-like, but never with dialogue, the sounds haunted the scene for both the audience and the riders, which put the focus of the riders’ task at hand.

· Pacing: From the riders waiting to leave the tunnel, to their slow preview of the woods, to the full stop to investigate the terror, ending in the flight because of the realized horror lurking still in the forest. Pacing played an excellent part in focusing the realization of what each action meant.

· Sequencing: Sequencing of the action elevated the anticipation of the rider’s findings. By having the rider come to a full stop, off the horse, and able to do nothing but take in the terrifying unanticipated murder scene, full horror and shock came over everyone, rider, and audience, with maximum trauma inflicted.

· Point of View:

The audience, (We) watch the actions, as outside observers in the beginning. Once the second rider sees the mist, then we assume split images from watching as outside observers – to watching through the eyes of the second rider. Back and forth the point of view changes, until after the second rider has fled to tell the other the news. Only then are we as birds above in the trees looking down on the horrific death below.

· Frame Shots:

The use of composition of vision in each shot of this scene focuses the audiences’ attention in the most purposeful way. No vision or action is wasteful. All information, as in action, composition, and presentation, is important. Clues exist that heighten the awareness and hint at the reality of the scene if the observer is attentive enough to notice. Each frame is positioned to give the most visual with impact needed at the time, from the close ups to the far away shots.

· Entertainment value:

The action, visuals, and total compilation of this “show-me” experience keep the interested audience glued to the scene, and asking, “What comes next?”

· Setups/payoffs:

§ Setups:

v Waiting for the door to rise.

v Waiting to see what is at the end of the tunnel.

v Waiting to see what is in the woods.

v Waiting to see what is causing the mist to rise beyond the ridge.

v What will happen when the second rider tells the other riders?

§ Payoffs:

v We see a rock tunnel.

v We see a path to the forest in a deeply frozen winter.

v We see a quiet peaceful frozen forest without any movement at all, no animals, birds or rustling at all.

v We have the shock of seeing the ritualistic death scene, which hints at the terror found in the woods.

v We have a hint that more ritualistic deaths will occur in the future.

Watch 2nd time for:

What makes this scene great?

Continuous movement and action, enhanced with changes between POV, pacing, and payoffs, create a personal quest we must complete. You are part of this group and have skin in the game and are horrified at the end of the scene just like the second rider.

How does each step create more intrigue?

By increasingly showing closer visuals as the scene progresses.

By pacing the shots faster and with different points of view.

By showing instead of telling, detailed and timely visuals with no dialogue.

Different forms of intrigue used:

§ Visual shots that make the viewer search for information.

§ Slow to fast action shots

§ Action that pulls you onto the next shot

§ Sound that enhances the action

§ Intriguing characters which insight questions.

The effect of stacking a series of intriguing images and statements
on top of each other.

A series of intriguing images, characters, sounds, and statements topped onto each other only add to the questions and attention of the viewer.

What are your insights about stacking intrigue?

In building up intrigue in my current script, I found that having intricate characters with the audience having open-ended questions about them, continuous actions that may not connect to logic immediately, and pacing may be helpful.

[Susan Willard]

Week 1 Day 5: Resolution Scene 1

What I learned rewriting my scene:

· My setups were not as fulfilled in my final resolution scene as they need to be.

· A plot twist, a character change of mind, and an underestimated antagonist, who is more than expected are being added to my final resolution scene.

[Susan Willard]

Week 3 Day 4 – Visual Reveals – Breaking Bad

The first minutes of BREAKING BAD

What I learned rewriting my scene

· I was not using visual reveals, like pictorial action, or physical reveals efficiently.

· Visual reveals are great ways of communicating lots of information in segments and creative ways.

· Time, understanding, story line direction, and elongated suspense can enhance visual reveals.

· I am still experimenting with visual reveals in my scenes.

[Susan Willard]

Week 3 Day 4 – Visual Reveals – Breaking Bad

The first minutes of BREAKING BAD

Basic Scene Components

· Scene Arc:

The scene arc is advanced by incredibly detailed, quick-moving, short visuals of dramatic action.

· Situation:

A man in his underwear, and gas mask, is driving erratically, gets stuck in a ditch, jumps out to collect his nerve, his thoughts and don a shirt. While holding his breath he jumps back into the RV, gathers a gun, his wallet, and a camera.

· Conflict:

The man, in the underwear and gas mask, versus the situation that has occurred. More information is needed to know the nature of the conflict.

· Entertainment Value:

The audience’s entertainment comes from trying to make sense of each new detailed picture given to build the story. At the end of the scene, the audience has so many unanswered questions, because the storyline is not complete yet.

· Moving the Story Forward

As the audience watches each active video clip, the story moves closer to becoming a coherent storyline. The audience will stick with the story to see how it all moves on from this scene.

· Setups: Each revealed visual action leads to the next.

· Payoffs: The payoff will come after this scene when the story line comes together.

What makes this scene great?

All the short, quick detailed clips, back-to-back, without explanation, make this scene a great imagination playground for the

How nine pieces of new info are revealed.

1. Rocks: Early morning and Mid-Morning visuals.

2. Pants: Fly through the air only to get run over by a fast-moving RV.

3. RV: Driven erratically fast down a desert-like road, with an unconscious person wearing a gas mask in the passenger seat.

4. Man Driving: Wearing underwear and a gas mask.

5. Diverted Attention: By sounds of glass breaking and heavy objects (two bodies) sliding.

6. Trouble Driving: As gas masks fogs eye shield, fumes cause coughing, efforts to avert unwanted symptoms fail.

7. Swerving RV: Runs into ditch.

8. Frustrated Man: Jumps outside RV to collect himself, his nerves, and put on a shirt, no pants. The pants were lost in #2.

9. Angry Man: Holds breath while running into toxic RV to retrieve a gun, his wallet and camera.

How each reveal is demanded.

The reveals flow together starting by setting the location and activities of the RV, leading to the activities of the main character. The next reveal is demanded by the previous reveal, like dominoes.

How some reveals answer questions and create questions at the same
time.

o This is true to #1 to #9 above.

o We see the first visual and ask questions that lead to the next visual.

o Note: The visual reveals do not answer all the questions, but many are.

o My list of questions is too long to list.

o But the audience is continually asking questions and answering questions because each visual leaves out valuable information that will hopefully follow as the story unfolds.

[Susan Willard]

Week 3 Day 3: Take it to the Extreme – BRIDESMAIDS

Bridesmaids Food Poisoning Scene

What I learned rewriting my scene:

· Taking the scene to extremes makes the scene more memorable.

· Allows more creativity in scene building.

· Can give the scene more flexibility and depth.

· Going to the extremes may be off limits due to your subject matter and age category.

· I have many ideas but need to pick one story-specific idea and stick to it.

[Susan Willard]

Week 3 Day 3: Take it to the Extreme – BRIDESMAIDS

Bridesmaids Food Poisoning Scene

Basic Scene Components:

· Scene Arc:

The scene builds on a carefree day of bridesmaids’ dress hunting to the extreme calamity of food poison, as each bridesmaid becomes to get sick to the extreme of nowhere to go to relieve their sickness: From standing wearing bridesmaids dresses to running to the nearest bathroom or trashcan. Places used to remedy the outpouring of sickness – toilets, sinks, others’ heads, floors, walls, and even the middle of the road – truly extreme sickness leads to extreme relief.

· Situation:

Two competing bridesmaids go to the extreme to show their friendship with Lillian, the bride. The bride’s long-time friend, Annie, takes the group to a small-hole-in-the-wall place for lunch to extremely contrast to the extremely high-end bridal shop to shop for dress, as arranged by the fashionable friend of Lillian. The fact that the two events explode together to give the film the ultimate female gross-out scene is the result.

· Conflict:

One major conflict of the film is that of the bride’s two friends, as they both compete for Lillian’s best favor.

The conflict of lifestyles when the result of eating as a small out of the way lunch place meets the expensive dress shop in town. We see the conflict in full action.

· Moving the Story Forward:

Each person’s experience, as seen in action, pushes the story forward.

· Entertainment Value:

Entertainment comes in assorted styles. People can enjoy the all-out gross fest. Different people can enjoy the bridesmaid’s rivalry gone extreme. Still, other people can enjoy the scene’s honesty of what has happened before.

What makes this scene great?

o The uniqueness of the circumstances, food poisoning in a bridal shop make this an interesting scene.

o The way the individual characters deal with their individual sickness makes a great character learning scene.

o The depths of the extremes in the scene make this a great scene.

The escalation on a gradient from “normal to extreme.”

The sequence of events and how each individual character deals with their individual sickness escalated the change gradient from normal to extreme.

Each step takes us further outside the norm.

Yes, it does.

Express character on the edge.

o When a bridesmaid gets sick on another bridesmaid.

o When a bridesmaid get sick on the walls and floor.

o When a bridesmaid uses a marble sink as a toilet.

o When the bride “goes” in the middle of the street, wearing the most expensive wedding dress in the store, and cars driving past.

Interesting Action and Dialogue.

Unique Dialogue:

o “It’s coming out of me like lava.”

o “Not the bathroom. Go outside. There’s a bathroom across the street.”

o “I think you’d feel better if you just threw up.”

o “Don’t you dare ruin that dress.”

o “You’re really doing it, aren’t you? You’re shitting in the street.”

o “We’ll just take five of the French Burnies,’ Brittaney. They really look better.”

· Unique Action with bridesmaids’ dresses on:

o All aspects of getting sick.

o All aspects of trying to find a place to get sick and not finding a place.

o All aspects of disrespect, usually not found in a high-end dress shop.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Susan Willard.

[Susan Willard]

Week 3 Day 2: Twists – THE MATRIX

The Matrix — Interrogation Scene

Basic Scene Components:

· Scene arc:

The action and dialogue ramps up through three unexpected twists:

1. Neo was asked to work with the establishment to turn over Morpheus. Twist: when Neo said no, they turned on him.

2. Neo wanted his one phone call. Twist: What good is a phone call if you are unable to speak. Neo’s mouth closes over.

3. The Establishment is making him help them. Twist: Put a robotic scorpion into his body. Twist: Neo woke up in bed, rain falling outside, all alone, phone ringing.

· Situation:

The Establishment wanting to keep control of the old Status Quo will stop at nothing to keep their control over the enslaved population.

· Conflict:

The Establishment, wanting to keep control of the old Status Quo, is searching to shut down him and his movement, with Neo as a part of the movement – New Status Quo.

· Entertainment Value:

The interrogation of Mr. Anderson scene entertains by changing the reality of the scene with unexpected twists. As we watch we are surprised just long enough to be surprised by the next twist. The end of the scene leaves us with questions and expecting anything.

· Moving the Story Forward: The dialogue set up and their matching payoffs move the story along.

· Setup: Dialogue: Interrogator to Mr. Anderson: “One of these lives has a future and one does not.” (A threat)

o Payoff: Action: Mr. Anderson does not agree to help them, gives them the finger, and requests his one phone call.

· Setup: Dialogue: Interrogator to Mr. Anderson: “Tell me Mr. Anderson, what good is a phone call if you are unable to speak?”

o Payoff: Action: Immediately Mr. Anderson tries to speak and can’t because his mouth closes over.

· Setup: Dialogue: Interrogator to Mr. Anderson: “You’re going to help us, Mr. Anderson, one way or another.”

o Payoff: Action: They grab Neo (Mr. Anderson) open his shirt, and slam him on the table, lying on his back, while they hold him down. The interrogator places a robotic scorpion on his stomach, and it wiggles into his body through his belly button. Once it disappears, he wakes alone, on his bed with rain falling outside. The phone rings. (End of scene).

What makes this scene great? – Twists and turns, in a way, never seen before.

How was the twist set up? – Each twist has an introduction line of dialogue.

What happened after the twist? The Interrogator tells Neo what will happen before the twist begins.

How did the twist changed the direction and meaning of the scene? Each twist takes Neo and the audience a bit more off guard, deeper into amazement of what is happening and equally further away from reality, and into the unknown.

Interesting action and dialogue.

· Setup: Dialogue: Interrogator to Mr. Anderson: “One of these lives has a future and one does not.” (A threat)

o Payoff: Action: Mr. Anderson does not agree to help them, gives them the finger, and requests his one phone call.

· Setup: Dialogue: Interrogator to Mr. Anderson: “Tell me Mr. Anderson, what good is a phone call if you are unable to speak?”

o Payoff: Action: Immediately Mr. Anderson tries to speak and can’t because his mouth closes over.

· Setup: Dialogue: Interrogator to Mr. Anderson: “You’re going to help us, Mr. Anderson, one way or another.”

o Payoff: Action: They grab Neo (Mr. Anderson) open his shirt, and slam him on the table, lying on his back, while they hold him down. The interrogator places a robotic scorpion on his stomach, and it wiggles into his body through his belly button. Once it disappears, he wakes alone, on his bed with rain falling outside. The phone rings. (End of scene).

[Susan Willard]

Week 3 Day 1: Suspense – Jaws

JAWS — “You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat.”

What I learned rewriting my scene:

Information doesn’t have to come out in a linear fashion.

Action can happen, but leave the of the meaning of the action with vague or many interpretations during the real-movie-time activities.

Physical and dialogue don’t have to match. IF they don’t match it can create suspense, because it means that something else is going on – especially if all characters have different reactions with opposing dialogue.

[Susan Willard]

Week 3 Day 1: Suspense – Jaws

JAWS — “You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat.”

Suspense happens when the writer promises some consequence and then delays the delivery. The audience wonders and worries about the outcome.

SETUP: The shark has been feeding at the beach of this resort town. So far, it has killed two kids. Sheriff Brody hired Captain Quinn to chase the shark out to sea and kill it. But the problem is that the shark is now hunting the hunters!

IMPORTANT: Don’t get distracted by the music. While the music helps, the suspense of this scene is written in the script. Look for the writing decisions.

Basic Scene Components:

· Scene Arc:

Ramping up of action, payoffs, resulting in full suspense and waiting again.

1. Low action of waiting and watching for the shark.

2. Medium action of chumming and moving the boat drawing the shark.

3. High action of getting things ready, shooting, and tracking the shark with the boat.

4. Low action of waiting and watching for the shark.

· Situation:

Three men of varied ocean expertise, and a small fishing boat, in the middle of the Ocean, hunting a 25-plus foot shark weighing 3-plus ton shark.

· Conflict:

The wit, physical and mental endurance, of the three men, against the wit, physical, and mental endurance of the shark.

· Entertainment Value:

Continual entertainment provides actions and reactions in real time.

· Moving the Story Forward:

The pace of the action is set by the actions of the shark. By spotting the shark the story moves forward in specific actions taken to contain and/or kill the shark. As the shark disappears, the story’s movement slows with the actions of waiting, watching and sparce dialogue.

· Setups:

The scene sets up the current scene and scenes to come. Waiting, watching, and preparing for the shark become an omen of things to come.

Payoffs:

The waiting in the beginning paid off at the beginning of the scene when the shark showed up, also giving prediction for a suspense of the second payoff of the waiting at the end of the scene, because they know the shark will be back.

What makes this scene great?

The great writing that combines the cycling waiting with action, the lack of dialogue when the men are waiting, the short urgent, precise verbiage with slow purposeful movements during the high action.

What sets up the suspense and causes us to worry?

The prolonged periods of waiting.

The slow swimming of the shark to the rear of the boat.

Waiting for what the shark will do when it gets to the boat.

The delay of shooting the shark with Mrs. Brody calls.

The delay of hooking up the shark gun when Chief Martin Brady goes to get a tracking device.

The chasing the Air container while chasing the shark until it disappeared.

How is the suspense drawn out?

Purposeful slow movements in time of danger.

Short, quick paced, calm dialogue in times of danger.

Periods of uncertainty and waiting.

What increases the suspense?

· Not knowing: Not having all the information.

· Waiting: for something to happen.

· Fumbling: foot off the railing, getting the tracking device, tying the rope.

What is the payoff in the end?

The scene’s progress has loaded the scene’s ending with a taste of what is yet to come and gives you time to think about it so you can worry, wonder, and grow the consequences of danger while you are thrust into the next scene.

[Susan Willard]

Week 2 Day 5: Protagonist/Antagonist Relationship Scene – The Dark Knight:

Scene: Heath Ledger – Incredible Acting

What I learned rewriting my scene:

§ It’s ok to make the relationship between a Protagonist and an Antagonist personal.

§ I am excited to build this into my script, but it will change some other parts of the script, so requires some deeper thought.

§ Relationships need to be stretched and pushed as well as the plot, the story arc, and the characters. (Subtext may help the script here.)

§ The other characters don’t have to understand the relationship between the Protagonist and the Antagonist, just the two characters and the audience.

[Susan Willard]

Week 2 Day 5: Protagonist/Antagonist Relationship Scene – The Dark Knight:

Scene: Heath Ledger – Incredible Acting

• Basic Scene Components:

 The scene escalates as Batman asks the Joker about why he was sent for. Joker through progressive dialogue and twisted logic tries to persuade that the two of them complete each other. Without each other they both are out of a job. The scene’s climax is when Joker shows his last hand in control over Batman by giving both locations, but one of the missing persons will surely die, because Batman can’t be in two locations at once.

 With two missing people, Harvey Dent and his daughter, Joker wants to see Batman. The authorities allow Batman in to talk with Joker and find out where to find the missing people.

 While Batman and Joker both share being outsiders in normal society, their conflict lies in the set of rules, values, and morals they each live by. Batman saves people, while Joker kills people.

 The entertainment value for the viewer is the intricate and twisted logic in the dialogue of Joker to Batman. Batman has one interest but doesn’t disagree with Joker’s logic until Joker takes the upper hand of control indicating that only one missing person will live.

 Dialogue and action move this scene forward. Batman stays true to character and so does Joker, but they both have a steady relationship of duty, no matter what their relationship may be.

 The scene sets up the next scene for the payoff of what will happen next.

• The mental and physical struggles of this scene makes it great. Notice Batman is operating from a physical threat, while the Joker is operating from a mental threat. Both understand each other’s motive and actions. No matter what Batman does he still has to play, at this moment, by the rules for the lives of the two people abducted, as put in play by Joker. But Joker is in jail.

• Both Batman and Joker are outsiders, almost freakish, strange to normal society, just different, used when needed. However, Batman operates from a moral grounding to save and help people. Whereas the Joker kills, destroys, and acts only by his own immoral will.

• For Joker, his only competition is Batman. For Batman, his only purpose is to stop the Joker. Without each other, they both would be out of a job.

• Batman communicated by actions of harm towards Joker. Joker spoke in twisted logic and persuasive lies to influence Batman, with such lines as, “You complete me.” And “You have nothing to threaten me with.” Joker played a metal game, while Batman was playing a physical game, both for the life or death of the two-missing people.

[Susan Willard]

Week 2 Day 4: Character Reveal #1: Spider Man

Scene: “Peter vs Flash”

Peter Parker finds out he has special powers.

Objective: Create a scene that reveals something unique about one of your lead characters through action and situation.

What I learned rewriting my scene:

· The character reveal scene should be focused on the character being revealed. Sounds easy, but I have a lot to learn.

· The character reveal can be an enhanced reveal when the hero is compared to a competent opponent.

· Creativity adds color and depth to the character’s reveal.

I am still working on my character’s reveal.

[Susan Willard]

Week 2 Day 4: Character Reveal #1: Spiderman

Scene: “Peter vs Flash”

Objective: Create a scene that reveals something unique about one of your lead characters through action and situation.

Spiderman — Peter Parker finds out he has special powers.

Basic scene components

• The scene arc is the progression of Peter’s learning his Spiderman, going from not knowing about skills to being able to use them to win a fist fight.

• At school lunch Peter learns that he has superhuman skills and accidentally hits “Flash”, a big fellow student, with a lunch. Peter must defend himself from a school bully.

• Two conflicts exist together:

 Peter versus his superpowers. Peter has superpowers and must learn how to use them.

 Peter versus Flash, a school bully. Peter accidentally splattered him with food.

• The scene moves forward as Peter discovers and uses each new superhuman power that is unexpectedly used. Peter has no dialogue, only action, which moves from one event to the other.

• It’s entertaining to see Peter learn about different new abilities, fumble with these abilities, and learn to use them better. It want to see more of these abilities and what Flash do to Peter because he got into trouble.

• Each new ability sets up new possibilities for the story. The payoffs will come later in the story as Peter uses these, and other, new abilities.

What makes this scene great?

• Peter’s new abilities, as they are revealed, are needed to fight against the bully and for the rest of the story of his conversion into his use of them.

• Peter’s powers show up in something happening unexpected, such as:

 The web shot out of his wrist unexpectedly at the lunch table.

 He can hear and feel everything around him in slow motion in the school hallway.

 He moves to avoid punches.

 He jumps and flips to avoid an attach from behind.

 He catches Flashes hand in mid punch and then punches Flash down the hall.

• Different people, in the scene, had different reactions to Peter’s new powers:

 Peter is amazed, energized, angry, worried, frustrated, and confused. Most of all, Peter is glad he wasn’t hurt by Flash. At the end of the scene, Peter is standing, while taking in all the reactions for his evaluation.

 Flash’s friend is angry. He says to Peter, “You’re a freak.”

 Peter’s friend is excited. He says to Peter, “Peter, That’s amazing.”

 Peter’s female friend is pondering, trying to figure out what she just watched – speechless.

[Susan Willard]

Week 2 Day 3: Character Subtext #1

GET OUT – Meet the neighbors:

What I learned rewriting my scene:

 Many different processes can be used to add or enhance subtext in a scene, such as

• By action.

• By dialogue.

• By using props.

• By using background situations.

• By interactions with surroundings.

• By interactions with other characters.

• By interactions with yourself.

 I must include many of these types of subtext indicators in a few of my script’s scenes. It will take time; this is my first script.

 I am excited to try new ways of adding subtext into scenes!

[Susan Willard]

Week 2 Day 3: Character Subtext #1

GET OUT – Meet the neighbors:

Basic scene components:

· The scene arc is emphasized by Chris’s noticing nuances in the way the neighbors are acting, especially to him and all the black people in attendance. At first, he notices one or two comments, then he takes the time to notice many more. The ends after an interaction with another young black person who acts weird, is with a white lady so much older than he is, and who shakes hands – rather than giving Chris a fist bump. At the end of the scene, Chris knows that weird things are happening that he doesn’t understand.

· The scene is a group situation where Chris is meeting all his girlfriend’s neighbors at a backyard barbeque event.

· The scene conflict starts out as a neighbor’s interaction with Chris that rub him the wrong way. By the end of the scene, Chris feels a foreboding, foreshadowing of terrible situations to come for him.

· The story is moved forward by the increasing number of unusual interactions with neighbors Chris has.

· The unusual activities and dialogue of the neighbors with and around Chris is entertaining to us because we want to see more, so that we can understand what is going on.

· Setup: When a neighborhood couple asks him deeply personal and embarrassing, and inappropriate questions. Set up of What makes them think they can ask these questions? Payoff: TBD.

· Setup: A couple outside comment that “Black is now in fashion.” They are speaking about Chris being black as his girlfriend is white. Very disturbing to Chris. Payoff: TBD.

· Setup: As Chris prepares to take pictures outside, he witnesses a black woman being asked to serve drinks. Payoff: TBD.

· Setup: As Chris is taking pictures outside, he witnesses four couples talking about him and waving him over. He pretends not to see them. Payoff: TBD.

· Setup: As Chris is taking pictures outside, he spies another young black man about his age, and interacts with him. But the entire interaction is frustrating and disturbing. Chris knows that something is not right. Something is wrong. Payoff: TBD.

The act of meeting and judging the neighbors with Chris allows us to
determine that things are happening under the surface of the situation he
is in. This lets us feel the experience with Chris and makes a great
scene.

Everyone in the scene, except Chris, are covering up the activities underneath
the surface of the current situation.

Everyone is acting the same way as if what they say and do is
normal. But for Chris everything they do and say is unusually,
unexpectedly wrong.

The way everyone is acting in the scene causes us to believe there
is something under the surface.

· The actions of the people is unusual:

§ The way a lady feels his muscles.

§ The way a white lady asks a black lady to deliver drinks.

§ The way Logan’s white lady friend holds onto him and direct him around.

§ The unusual way Logan moves as he is standing alone at the food table.

§ The unusual way Logan responds to a fist-bump with a handshake.

§ The way Logan is treated as a new toy or an item of interest when he is introduced to new people. They have him turn around as if looking at a model to judge him and his looks.

· The dialogue of the people is unusual:

§ The way the couple inside the house asks personal and embarrassing questions.

§ The way the couple outside states that “Black is now in fashion.” Indicating dating a black person is like changing clothes.

§ The way the lady talks to Logan, and gives him direction, as if he is a child and can’t think for himself.

[Susan Willard]

Week 2 Day 2 – Characterization Scene

This is about giving us a unique experience of who the character is through their actions and dialogue.

When Harry Met Sally — “I’ll have what she’s having.”

What I learned rewriting my scene:

· I am going to have to figure out a way to elevate the conflict with action and dialogue, in an unusual way in a more dynamic “Character Scene.”

· I may be able to have two scenes where I can dramatize the character conflicts in a more unique way. I’ll have to work more on this skill proficiency for my script, by adding something new or enhancing already existing ideas.

[Susan Willard]

Week 2 Day 2 – Characterization Scene

This is about giving us a unique experience of who the character is through their actions and dialogue.

When Harry Met Sally — “I’ll have what she’s having.”

Basic Scene Components:

• The scene arc advances from a simple lunch conversation to a dramatic enactment done by Sally during lunch to prove a point to Harry.

• The situation defining the scene is a friendly conversation started when Sally states, “I am just so glad I never got involved with you.”

• The conflict between Sally and Harry is the disagreement of whether women pretend to have orgasms and men can’t tell the difference.

• The height of the entertainment value is when Sally acts out and orgasm at the lunch table in front of all those lunching around them. We want to see what will happen.

• Now that Sally has proven her point the story can move forward.

• The fact that Sally acts out the orgasm in an unexpected and crowded space, while embarrassing Harry makes this a great scene.

• Sally states her point then uses actions to prove her point. Harry states his point. He expects Sally to automatically accept his point of contention. That’s when Sally says, “Oh right. I forgot. You’re a man.”

• The most unique action in the scene is Sally’s demonstration for Harry. The most unique line of dialogue in the scene is the lady that tells the waiter, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

[Susan Willard]

Week 2 Day 1: Character Intro that Sells Actors.

Objective: Create Character Introductions that attract actors and engage audiences in the character.

Insights into the – LOST – Intro Jack Character Scene

What I learned rewriting my character introduction scene:

• My character introduction was very weak, in ways separate from the background situation.

• It is taking me a longer time than expected to integrate the background action and dialogue with my main character attributes, dialogue, and action.

• I may have to rethink the introduction of my character, or the background situation.

[Susan Willard]

Week 3 Day 2: Twists – THE MATRIX

The Matrix — Interrogation Scene

What I learned rewriting my scene:

· Putting more twists into my scene requires rethinking the action/reaction relationship of the scene.

· More twists, in a scene, create a more entertaining and surprising effect, as well as setting up more information to be revealed later.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Susan Willard.

[Susan Willard]

Objective: Create Character Introductions that attract actors and engage audiences in the character.

Insights into the – LOST – Intro Jack Character Scene

Basic scene components:

• The scene arc start slow, just as the character is moving slowly, trying to figure out what is going on. The scene arc moves to a more active scene as Jack moves to see things more clearly. We see the scene as if in the mental situation of:

 Beginning with a point of view of shock – action moving slowly.

 Gaining understanding – action and sound coming into focus.

 Realizing what he can do to help people – Action focuses longer on severely hurt people who need the most help, while the camera, and Jack’s attention, moves swiftly by stabilized people or don’t need help.

 Being in control of his ability to help others – Camera action moves, as Jack moves toward the people most severely hurt. The camera sees exactly what Jack sees – Jack’s POV – until he gets to the person he can help.

 Helping others to the best of his ability, as he also helps others help the hurt, real-time communication with people, and they know his name so they can recognize him for more help – Clear, real-time action, reactions, and sound.

• The audience is immediately in the same situation as a passenger, Jack, involved in a plane wreck on the beach. The scene tracks the actions of the main character, Jack.

• The audience see the conflict viewed from Jack’s point of view of the plane wreck, what people are doing and what he should be doing. Life or Death.

• The action and dialogue move forward as Jack moves forward. He is the driving force for the scene.

• The entertainment value starts immediately because everyone wonders what is going on, what will happen in the terribly dangerous situation, the people and especially with Jack. We will watch to see what happens next.

• Setup: Jack starts out wandering around on the beach, we know nothing about him or the situation.

 Payoff: At the end of the scene, we know Jack has been involved in a passenger plane wreck on a shoreline. It has just happened, and Jack is a medical doctor who helps hurt people at the wreck site.

• Setup: A man trapped under the wheels of a huge plane engine that’s running – soon to fall on the man.

 Payoff: Jack gets assistance, pulls the man to safety, stops the leg from bleeding and gets assistance to move the man to safety.

• Setup: A lady is in birth pains, near the running plane engine, and asking for help.

 Payoff: Jack evaluates her situation, tells her to breathe slowly, she will be fine, and finds someone to assist her away from danger, until she is ready to have her baby, then he will come to deliver the baby.

• Setup: A man wandering closely to the running engine.

 Payoff: Another man wanders to close to the running engine; the engine pulls him inside and explodes.

Character Enhancements:

• Challenging situation: A just-happened plane wreck on a beach shoreline.

• Unique actions:

 Passenger plane engine scene background, at a beach shore wreck site with all types of survivors helping others, yelling, running, dazed and more.

 Jack saving a man trapped under the running engine, stopping the bleeding stopped, and having the patient moved to safety.

 A pregnant surviving plane wreck passenger going into labor: Jack evaluated, calmed, ensured her safety, and will be there if the baby is ready for birth.

• Interesting dialogue:

 “Help, somebody help me!” yelled by the man under the landing gear.

 “Help, somebody help me!” yelled by the woman in labor.

 “Hey, what’s your name?” yelled by the man attending to the pregnant woman.

• Deliver character: The characteristic attributes as the background situation forcing him to act and talk in true to his character. The audience see that he is an educated medical man, who is decisive in a time of crisis, caring, thoughtful, dependable, clear, and precise in dialogue, quick to act, and continues to work to help others if he as needed.

Additional Scene Insights:

• The specific and detailed crisis, main character, character dialogue, and action working together make this scene a great character introduction scene.

• The lead character is the main subject from the first moment of the scene to the last.

• The act of going from a plane crash victim to an active triage doctor on scene is what makes him a special, unique character in this scene.

• Jack’s dialogue is interesting because he takes over the situation of giving the crash victims triage help immediately, without introduction, commanding, precise and with follow-up to secure the safety of the person as well.

• Jack’s actions are different from other wreck victims because he is evaluating everyone, prioritizing the critical ones, working quickly, and continuing to work if he sees people that need his type of help.

[Susan Willard]

Week 1 Day 5: Resolution Scene 1

What I learned rewriting my scene:

· My setups were not as fulfilled in my final resolution scene as they need to be.

· A plot twist, a character change of mind, and an underestimated antagonist, who is more than expected are being added to my final resolution scene.

[Susan Willard]

Objective of the Resolution Scene:<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> To create a resolution scene that gives us that surprising, yet inevitable ending.

Basic scene components:

• The Box Scene of Se7en bring the scene arc to an end – to the new status-quo.

• This scene takes the life of John Doe and our movie to a close, while putting our two detectives into a new life that will be completely different, out of their control.

• The conflict in “The Box” scene plays out a series of events creating a conflicting unexpected mental challenge that is too much for Detective David Miller to deal with.

• The Box Scene moves the movie to its conclusion.

• The entertainment value is in the well written scene, with the twist that is unexpected. All the characters are true to themselves, and true to the story.

• The setup of the criminal, John Doe, killing people for the sin they commit, is fulfilled in the ending of The Box scene. Detective David Miller had to punish John Doe for his sin knowing that the judicial system would punish Detective Miller for his sin of anger/wrath for killing John Doe.

• Conclusion: Once Detective David Mills shoots John Doe, the serial killer, the movie has concluded. Detective Mills has set in motion the future of all their lives: John Doe is dead, Detective David Mills will be arrested and tried, and Detective Lt. William Somerset’s career is over.

• The New Status-Quo: Once Detective David Mills shoots John Doe, both Detective David Mills and Detective Lt. William Somerset start walking away in shock and mental anguish of their minds. Their reality has been completely changed. They can no longer have a life of crime fighting, or normalcy. Their lives will be controlled by others, in the short term, and then try to create a new life as they get through the tough times to come.

• A Satisfying Ending: The one satisfying part of the ending was that the threat of John Doe was gone. No one expected this outcome, so no one was prepared for the way that it ended. But John Doe was eliminated, and that is satisfying to the audience.

• Delivering Character: Each Character doesn’t fail to deliver. Each Character has their mental struggles, and the intertwining of how their struggles interact with their job and purpose, move the story along. The detectives are working together, learning, pushing forward, and the story brings out their faults and weaknesses. John Doe believes he is chosen by God to punish people is playing a mental game that they have had to try to learn and navigate. The information for all the characters delivering rich, riveting personas is in their details of action, reactions, and dialogue.

• The Last Lines of the Movie:

• When John Doe says, “Come to me, Wrath.” He is begging Detective David Mills to kill him, as to punish him for his sins, while also setting into play the punishments for the two detectives.

• The last line said by the main character is said by Detective Lt. William Somerset. He says, “If you kill him, he will win.” This simple statement sums up the entire situation. Detective David Mills does kill John Doe, and John Doe’s death does control the rest of the lives of the two detectives.

• The last line of the entire movie is one of the detective units in the helicopter, as bac-up help for the ground detective says, “Somebody call somebody.” This last line of the entire movie is a perfectly simple statement that demonstrates, not only the confusion and frustration of the helicopter support, but also of the two detectives on the ground, both walking – in separate directions form each other, and away from the dead body of John Doe. This last picture is a metaphor of how both detective’s lives will go from now on.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Susan Willard.

[Susan Willard]

<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Day 4: 3rd Act Climax

What I learned, from the Third Act Climax of A Few Good Men, is that the story depends upon the closely intertwined action/dialogue interplay. Only then is the progression of the story entertaining and mesmerizing.

Both action and dialogue, when varied appropriately, often in opposite manners are powerful, leaving emotional and thought-provoking moments.

The action and reaction moments are story driven, but character enhanced.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Susan Willard. Reason: no date needed

[Susan Willard]

Day 4: 3rd Act Climax

SETUP: Lt. Daniel Kaffee (Tom Cruise) has Col. Nathan R. Jessop (Jack Nicholson) on the stand. Throughout the movie, Kaffee has been preparing a defense for two Marines who are charged with killing a “weak” Marine. Kaffee learned that the men were ordered to give a “Code Red,” meaning an internal punishment that somehow went bad. With Jessup on the stand, Kaffee has one chance to get him to admit he gave the illegal order, but it could lose him his career!

My Insights into what makes the basic scene components of a 3^rd Act Climax (A Few Good Men) great from a writing perspective are:

· The scene starts with the lawyer being calm, but nervous and canvasing the people in the court room. The witness was calm, unconcerned, and finished giving his testimony. This escalates slowly into a battle of wits, nerves, and truth telling ending in the arrest of the Colonel.

· The situation developed when the Colonel ordered a “Code Red” punishment to be conducted to one of his service men by two others of his servicemen, and it went terribly wrong, killing the man punished. The Colonel and his power threatens all and changes facts to cover the illegal action of the “Code Red”.

· The conflict was between lies and manipulation, of a powerful person controlling the lives of those he is in to develop, train and protect and the truth.

· This scene was needed to move the story past the conflict between the Colonel controlling the narrative of what happened versus the facts.

· This third climatic scene is so entertaining the audience is glued to every action and statement said. The famous line, “You can’t handle the truth.” Has been memorized and quoted often.

· The entry of the new evidence of the flight logs, and the countering testimonials of the two new witnesses set the Colonel up for failure by letting everyone, including the audience that the lawyer is pushing for the truth. The gentle questions that allow the Colonel to show his authority and power are used first. The fact that the Colonel’s men always obey his command. Logic dictated that the orders were given and the appropriate actions followed. This trapped the Colonel into finally stating that he most certainly ordered the “Code Red”, and therefore was arrested. The dialogue build was subtle enough to all out the audience to root for the lawyer until the confession was given.

The Third Act Climax of A Few
Good Men, show the ultimate climatic expression of the conflict between Good
and Hubris/A Powerful Person (beyond self-control, feels privileged), as
battled in a court room.

The conflict is escalated by the
comparison of each’s physical and verbal actions. Lt. Daniel Kaffee, the
lawyer, is determined to bring out the truth, as demonstrated by the entry
of the flight logs and the new witnesses, and Colonel Nathan R. Jessop on
the witness stand who is determined to keep his actions hidden. The Twist
comes when the line of questioning traps the Colonel into answering the
question. His only true answer was that he did, which led to his arrest.
He felt so entitled to making his own decisions, that he felt that he was
justified in his actions. The case dismissed and he was arrested.

The final payoff of the scene was
when Lt. Daniel Kaffee took command of the moment, after being called son.
He corrected the Colonel. He is a lawyer, ended the conflict and the moment
by dismissing him from further testimony, (The Colonel was now under
arrest.) This dialogue showed that Lt. Daniel Kaffee was indeed in control
of the truth in this current situation over the Colonel. Kaffee was going to
do the right thing even if it ended his career.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Susan Willard. Reason: Spell checked

[Susan Willard]

What I learned rewriting my scenes’ Turning Points:

· I need to raise the stakes, tension, and intrigue at turning points.

· I need to be very purposeful in the planning of the turning points.

· More show, not tell or assume that the audience will understand.

· More creativity in the ending, the turning points needs to be tried, perfected, and used.

· I need to practice, practice and practice putting together turning points, because I am not very good at writing turning points yet.

[Susan Willard]

After watching three Turning Points of “GET OUT”:

My insights into what makes the scenes great:

1. Act 1 TP: Missy hypnotizes Chris:

The interaction between Missy and Chris is What makes this scene great. The audience is shown the interaction, not told. The fact that Missy is so subtle as she uses words, tones, attitude, and even her spoon hitting the cup to control the hypnosis is very powerful. Chris’s reactions are unexpected until the audience realizes the depth of what is happening. Great scene.

2. Midpoint: Logan freaks out — “Get Out”:

The actions and interactions of the two characters again make this scene great.

Logan is almost robotic in his movements. He is disjointed from reality. When he snaps back into reality because of the picture flash, he wants to warn Chris to “Get Out”. Chris now absolutely understands what is going on. He may not have all the pieces, but he now realizes how big the trouble is.

Once put back under control Logan is again robotic and controlled. Everyone is pleased with his apology. But Chris, now knowing the truth as seen through Logan’s transitions, is truly terrorized, and the audience sees it in his actions and facial expressions. Great job.

3. Act 2 TP: Rose refuses to give Chris the keys!:

The betrayal is drawn out with mounting danger, building great tension in this scene. The audience, and Chris, are led to believe that Rose is indeed fumbling through the bag looking for the keys. The scene could go either way. But as the other characters act more erratic, the possibility of getting out of danger thins.

Here Missy’s control through her words, and the spoon against the teacup are pivotal. You can almost see the shift in Chris, as he fights to hang on to reality. He finally is trapped with Rose says she can’t give him the keys, and he should already know this fact. He’s doomed. He again is trapped way

My insights into what makes the turning points work:

1. Act 1 TP: Missy hypnotizes Chris:

The turning point of Missy hypnotizing Chris works because when the scene ends Chris is no longer in reality. He is mentally locked into the deep, dark abyss of his empty mind waiting for Missy’s controlling commands.

We, and the audience, are on the edge of our seats waiting to see what is next. How will this affect Chris. What will Rose do? What will Missy do? We want to know.

2. Midpoint: Logan freaks out — “Get Out”:

The turning point of the Logan freaks out – “Get Out” scene is set up when Logan freaks out and yells “Get Out”. Logan shows up the drastic change created in his personality and reality by this action.

The turning point is realized at the end of the scene, the pay off for the setup, when Logan comes back to the entire group of people and apologizes for his seizure and yelling, brought on by Chris’ picture flash. We, just like the audience, realize that the picture flash brought Logan back to reality. But now Logan has been put into hypnotic compliance.

The actions and dialogue twists put Chris through the mental terrors of more complete realization of the situation he is in, as the audience experiences along with him.

3. Act 2 TP: Rose refuses to give Chris the keys!:

Rose’s betrayal of Chris is the punch that makes this turning point work.

Rose uses Chris’s trust in her to mislead him as the others can get him into their control, as they have done to others.

Rose is a part of his danger, not a trusted girlfriend. Once she says to Chris that she can’t give him the keys, final horror sets in, but it’s too late because he is again caught in the deep, dark, empty recesses of his mind, only to be controlled by Missy’s will.

[Susan Willard]

12 Angry Men: Inciting Incident: A Call To Action: What I learned:

· I learned that actions and dialogue working in concert with each other are very powerful.

· Emotions can be triggered with actions in very strong ways and are enhanced with the arrangement of words.

· It is important that each character have his own dialogue method, differing actions, and ways of bodily expressions. In this way, the scene will come alive.

[Susan Willard]

12 Angry Men: Inciting Incident: A Call To Action: Writing Analysis:

Basic Scene Components:

· Scene Arc:

· Starts with eleven votes of guilty to one vote of not guilty.

· Emotions, tension, and suspense is raised with each argumentative statement of why they have one vote for not guilty.

· The scene ends in the climax of truth, the defendant doesn’t have to prove anything, the burden of proof is on the prosecution, so the jury now must decide if the prosecution did their job.

· Situation:

· An 18-year-old young man is accused of killing his father. He says he is not guilty.

· Conflict:

· The jury starts out with eleven guilty votes and one not guilty vote.

· The jury must come to a twelve to zero conclusion, or be a hung jury, which starts the process all over again.

· Moving the story forward:

· The discussion between the jurists moves the story forward.

· It is evident that no one knows the facts that are conclusive evidence.

· The jurists just say, “I just think he’s guilty.” And “You heard the evidence.”

· It is evident that a deep discussion about the evidence needs to happen next.

· Entertainment Value:

· The differing opinions, actions, and emotions of the jurors are engaging to watch; therefore, we are entertained and want to watch more.

· Setups/Payoffs:

· Each attitude in the jurors that talk set up for payoffs as the story goes along.

· Example: One juror called the defendant – people like that.

· Example: Another juror just wants to be done with the trial so he can go to a ball game.

· Example: A third juror keep talking about work and seems preoccupied.

· With twelve jurors there are at least twelve, and more, setups to be paid off as the story rolls along.

Additional Scene Attributes:

· Challenging Situation:

· It is a challenging situation to be the only juror to vote not guilty and suggest further discussion.

· It is challenging to keep your cool, when people are saying things that are prejudiced, or not caring, or claiming you’re wrong.

· It is challenging to think about the other person’s point of view when you think you’ve seen the evidence, you are right and someone – only one – challenges you to examine the facts because a man’s life is on the line.

· Intrigue:

· Many questions arise:

· What is the evidence?

· What did they hear in the court?

· Why was only one man standing for more thought and conversation about the evidence?

· What made the one man give the boy the benefit of the doubt?

· Is there more evidence?

· How will they work this out? It’s not clear at this point.

· Interesting Action:

· The man that voted not guilty stayed still and in his seat.

· The other men moved about nervously.

· One got out of his seat and turned his back on the others while defending his opinion.

· One man diverted the attention by telling stories.

· One man diverted attention by drawing pictures of what he did at work.

· Intriguing Dialogue:

· At the beginning with the 11 to 1 vote: “So what do we do now?”

· “Do you really think he’s innocent?

· “I don’t know.” (He’s telling the truth.)

· “I just want to talk.”

· “It’s just not easy to raise my hand and send a man off to die without talking about it first.”

· “I’m not trying to change your mind.”

· “Do you think you were born with a monopoly on the truth?

· “I just don’t think he’s guilty. I thought it was obvious from the word go. I mean nobody proved otherwise.”

· Nobody must prove otherwise. The burden of proof lies on the prosecution. The defendant doesn’t even have to open his mouth.”

· Tone:

· The tone of the man voting not guilty is one of inquiry, learning and collaboration.

· The tone of the eleven men voting not guilty is one of argument, frustration, anger, confusion, and fed up with the activity.

·

The overall tone of the scene is one of growing disruption of thought, and frustration.

Lures us into the Story:

· Not having set through the trial, we have no way to judge the case, so we are lured into wanting to see the merits of both sides, guilty and not guilty.

· We are interested when different personalities give differing opinions obviously based on personal biases, thoughts, or other concerns.

· We want to see if the young man’s life will be taken by the fact or by the personal faults of the jury.

· Twist at the Conclusion of the Scene:

· When the juror, who voted not guilty, states that the prosecution has the burden of creating a shadow of a doubt and the defendant does not have to open his mouth, he has set in motion the need to examine in detail the facts as presented in the trial.

· The jurors have only begun to do their job.

[Susan Willard]

What I learned from the opening scene of The Dark Knight:

· To start an opening scene in the middle of the intriguing action.

· To build interest and intrigue through advancing action and dialogue throughout the scene, with the rise of tension and suspense.

· To intermix action and dialogue to build subtext and character attributes.

· How to build a story line and a lead character’s introduction profile at the same time, in a way that is creative, hooking, active, suspenseful, entertaining, which makes the audience want more, all in one scene.

· Build more meaning into each word, each prop, each movement, and each physical movement.

· Repetition of actions and dialogue can be helpful in beat transitions.

· Subtle interactions between characters make a significant difference in a scene and can communicate small bits of information to the audience.

· For me to get proficient at writing script openings I have a lot of script openings to write.

[Susan Willard]

The Black Knight Movie Opening: Writing Analysis:

Basic Scene Components:

· Scene Arc:

§ The Audience’s learning curve is built by experiencing the action and digesting the knowledge acquired along with the bank robbers throughout the robbery.

§ To knowing the complete character profile of Joker, the planner of the bank robbery, sole survivor.

§ Builds intrigue by raising bigger questions with each characters’ questions.

§ Builds a strong hook, with entertainment by using quick and content building actions.

· Situation:

§ Mob bank robbery, with six people, five who don’t know each other, but we are tricked into thinking all six are in the dark.

§ Each bank robber has one focused task to do.

§ Each bank robber is killed by his nearest- neighbor robber when his task is completed.

§ One sole survivor get all the money, learning, and a clean get away.

· Conflict:

§ The act of the Bank Robbery creates conflict since the robbers since they each know different details of the robbery, and each robber is told to kill another when they complete their task.

§ The fact that the mob owns the money in the bank raises the stakes for the Joker.

§ The plan for the robbery is a self-inflicted conflict for the Joker, as he tells the audience in the scene’s last line, “I believe whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stranger.” The audience watches the Jocker as he learns added information about robbing a high-end bank, containing mob money, as he stops to think and turns his head in pondering throughout the action. The opening is one big self-inflicted conflict Joker devised so that he could learn things he needed to know for the future.

· Moving the story forward:

§ The quick, creative use of props.

§ The interconnecting, new actions.

§ The sharp, to the point dialogue.

§ The unexpected in all the above.

· Entertainment Value:

§ The new ways of interconnecting quick scenes and dialogue to create a fluid/flowing story.

§ The questioning dialogue, with quick answers from another person or source.

§ The continual flow of added information, from one beat to another.

§ The setups that do not pay off immediately, which need resolution.

· Setups/Payoffs:

§ What did Joker learn by robbing the mob’s bank?

§ What will Joker do with the money he took?

§ Where did he get the people to rob the bank with? Does it matter?

§ Where is Joker going with the bus and money?

§ What did Joker mean by he gets stranger? How will he get ‘stranger’?

§ Did Joker know that the bank has the mob’s money?

§ Will Joker pull off another bank robbery?

§ Will the mob go after Joker? If so, how?

§ Why did each of the bank robbers have to be killed?

§ Is the Joker going to work without a band of bad guys?

§ Who did the alarm call, if not the police?

§ What will happen next?

Additional Scene Attributes:

· Challenging Situation:

§ A purposely planned high-end bank robbery to steal the mob’s money, using five people who don’t know the entire plan, who each with one job then will be killed, and the Joker is the alone survivor?

· Intrigue:

§ Raised by robbers asking questions.

§ Raised by bank manager yelling about the money belonging to the mob.

§ Raised by each bank person handed a grenade to hold so it won’t blow up.

§ Raised as Jocker took time to observe and see what people would do.

§ Raised as 911 wasn’t called.

§ Raised when bomb place in man’s mouth.

· Interesting Action:

§ Robbers killing Robbers.

§ Grenades are put into people’s hands to hold so they don’t blow.

§ Bomb put into bank manager’s mouth so that the bank blows as Joker drives away.

§ Two robbers sliding onto the roof to gain access to the alarm system.

§ Two robbers picking a third robber on the busy street corner.

§ The three robbers pull up to rob the bank in the middle of daylight and no one notices or reacts as they climb the stairs to the bank.

§ Each robber has a specialty task and performs it seamlessly, and quickly, adding to the intensity of the scene.

· Intriguing Dialogue:

§ The Bank Manager asking the Joker: “What do you believe in?”

§ The Joker answering the Bank Manager: “I believe that what doesn’t kill you makes you stranger.”

§ All the questions asked by the bank robbers, such as

o “The Joker?”

o “Why do they call him Joker?”

o “Makeup?”

o “Three guys?”

o “He thinks he can sit it out and still take a slice?”

o “Is it a problem?”

o “Where’s the alarm guy?”

o “Where did you learn to count?”

o “What happened to the rest of the guys?”

o “If this Joker guy is so smart, he ‘d have a bigger car.”

o “What bus driver?”

o “He’s ‘out’ right?”

· Tone:

§ Overall scene: Disbelief, Violence, Dark/Evil.

§ Bank Robbers: Another day at work, Matter of Fact in doing activities, even killing.

§ Joker: Learning, interested, pleased at the end before he drove away.

· Lures us into the Story:

§ The desire to answer questions that arise.

§ The building action, to see more and what results.

§ The characters encounters and their progression and dialogue

§ The unfulfilled setups that need fulfilling.

· Twist at the Conclusion of the Scene:

§ The Joker planned and implemented, was the sole survivor of, and the sole benefactor of, a high-end bank robbery of mob money, for a learning experiment.

§ He says one full line at the end that tells us this, “I believe whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stranger.”

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[Susan Willard]

Hi, my name is Susan Willard

I have not written any scripts.

I hope this class will help me make a script that others will enjoy.

I co-invented the deep water remote controlled camera, named T-Rex, for the 1998 expedition.

[Susan Willard]

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I, Susan A. Willard, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

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