[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s Phone Pitch

I learned how to prepare powerful strategies for phone pitches.

1. Which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch?

I will lead with a great title and a strong business hook.

2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.

Hi, I’m John Woodward. I have a neo-noir thriller called The Takedown Artist. It’s about a washed-up cage fighter who risks his life to steal a $20-million masterpiece with a mysterious and seductive woman who might not be worthy of his trust.

A mysterious murder, a cursed masterpiece, and a gauntlet of violence in a decadent LA underworld forge a noir canvas where love, greed, trust and betrayal slug it out toe-to-toe. To envision The Takedown Artist imagine a cross between Pulp Fiction & Basic Instinct.

3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:

• What’s the budget range?

Budget range is $1 million to $5 million. However, casting with A-List talent would justify a budget in the $15 to $30 million range.

• Who do you see in the main roles?

For the protagonist CHANCE, we see a Jason Statham type.

For the female lead ALLISON, we see a Sharon Stone type.

• How many pages is the script? The script is 103 pages.

• Who else has seen this? At this time, we have not shopped the screenplay.

• Why do you think this fits our company?

I think The Takedown Artist fits your company because you’ve produced engaging and financially successful movies in the same genre.

• How does the movie end?

Setup:

With their enemies vanquished, and with the fortune generated by the sale of the stolen masterpiece, Allison and Chance live a beautiful life in a secluded ocean-side villa in Mexico.

Payoff:

When Chance learns that Allison used poison to kill her husband, he suspects she has poisoned him with the margaritas she just served to celebrate their luxurious new life. To prove she did not, Allison holds his margarita — the one with salt — takes a huge gulp of the drink. She wraps her arms around Chance. Her cold, wet lips glisten as she whispers in his ear, “I can’t make you trust me, Chance.” Chance searches her eyes for a clue. Her incredible beauty and availability make him ache to believe her. Seemingly hurt by his lack of trust, Allison backpedals. With puzzling urgency, she suddenly sprints toward the beach. Chance follows as Allison races into the surf, angles her body away from him to conceal her action, but she can’t hide her attempts to induce vomiting. Chance collapses on the wet sand, realizes that Allison did poison his drink. Allison, now purged of the poison, wipes her mouth, strides through the waves, emerges triumphantly from the moonlit sea as The Takedown Artist having taken down six super macho men.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s Pitch Fest Pitch

I learned to have answers for commonly asked questions posed during a pitch.

Hi,

I’m John Woodward. Today I have The Takedown Artist, a Neo-Noir Thriller.

Hook:

If the potential payoff is a $20-million El Greco masterpiece, would you risk your life to steal it with a mysterious and seductive woman who might not be worthy of trust.

The budget range is $500k to $5 million. With bankable stars, $15 million to $30 million.

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

Chance – Jason Tatum.

Allison – a Sharon Stone type

ACT 1. A washed-up cage fighter meets an alluring woman hours before her estranged husband, a notorious broker of black-market art, tries to kill her. Desperate to start a new life, she persuades the fighter to help her steal a cursed El Greco masterpiece from her husband, who stole it from a barbaric Russian expatriate in L.A. to shop the hot painting — “trophy art” stolen during World War II.

ACT 2. They proceed with the heist, but their plan rebounds on them when the husband dies after a bloody fight, in which the art dealer viciously bites his wife’s partner in crime. Even worse, suspicion grows between the accomplices as each blames the other for the death. Now the duo have to unload the El Greco — and a corpse. And how does one get blood and DNA evidence out of the hotel carpet, or ditch a body from the 14th floor of a Sunset Strip luxury hotel?

ACT 3. As the couple rely on each other to survive, their bond strengthens despite the mysterious murder, and the fighter begins to slowly lower his guard with his beautiful partner. However, the police investigation isn’t their only problem. The ruthless Russian and his men unleash a gauntlet of violence as they relentlessly pursue the couple through a decadent LA underworld. The fighter resourcefully uses firearms and MMA skills to vanquish their heinous enemies. And although the fighter hopes his lover is the good woman he wants her to be, he still wonders if he has invited a cobra to bed.

ACT 4. With the fortune generated by the sale of the stolen masterpiece, the couple now live a beautiful life in a scenic ocean-side villa in Mexico until the fighter realizes too late that she poisoned him. As he collapses on the beach, he watches his lover stride through waves, emerging triumphantly from the moonlit sea as The Takedown Artist having completely taken down her “lover” and six ruthless macho men who threatened her.

A mysterious murder, a cursed masterpiece, a gauntlet of violence, and a decadent LA underworld forge a noir canvas where love, greed, trust and betrayal slug it out toe-to-toe. It’s Pulp Fiction meets Basic Instinct.

How does it end? (setup / payoff).

With the fortune generated by the sale of the stolen masterpiece, the couple now live a beautiful life in a scenic ocean-side villa in Mexico until the fighter realizes too late that she poisoned him. As he collapses on the beach, he watches his lover stride through waves, emerging triumphantly from the moonlit sea as The Takedown Artist having completely taken down her “lover” and six ruthless macho men who threatened her.

Credibility: John Woodward has an MA in Film Production from UT Austin. He has written and directed three feature films. Texas Taliban won several festival awards. His short film Disciples of the Crow, based on a Stephen King story, won an Academy Award. His feature screenplay Out of the Dark won the Houston International Film Festival.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s Query Letter – Draft One

Doing this assignment, I learned more about writing a query letter.

Question 1.

TO ANYONE WHO READS THIS PLEASE VOTE for the best opening hook to a noir-thriller

A, B, or C below:

A. Allison Van Zandt, the abused wife of a notorious broker of black-market art, to her lover: I realized at an early age that under the right circumstances, I was capable of anything.

B. If the potential payoff were a $20 million masterpiece, would you put your life on the line for an alluring woman who might not be worthy of trust?

C. The Takedown Artist is a neo-noir thriller about a washed-up cage fighter who risks his life to steal a $20-million masterpiece with a mysterious and seductive woman who might not be worthy of trust.

QUESTION 2.

The Takedown Artist: a neo-noir thriller

Synopsis

A washed-up cage fighter meets an alluring woman hours before her estranged husband, a notorious broker of black-market art, tries to kill her. Desperate to start a new life, she persuades the fighter to help her steal a cursed El Greco masterpiece from her husband who stole it from a barbaric Russian expatriate in L.A. to shop the hot masterpiece — “trophy art” stolen during World War II.

Their plan rebounds on them when the husband is killed during the heist. In their struggle to escape the Russian barbarian and the police, they fall in love, but can you trust your lover when the tie that binds is murder? Is the seductress an abused wife desperate to free herself from a controlling husband — or a world-class con artist?

A mysterious murder, a cursed masterpiece, a gauntlet of MMA battles, and a decadent LA underworld forge a noir canvas where love, greed, trust and betrayal slug it out toe-to-toe.

QUESTION 3.

BIO: John Woodward has an MA in Film Production from UT Austin. He has written and directed three feature films. Texas Taliban won several festival awards. His short film Disciples of the Crow, based on a Stephen King story, won an Academy Award. His feature screenplay Out of the Dark won the Houston International film Festival.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely,

John Woodward

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s Query Letter – Draft One

Doing this assignment, I learned more about writing a query letter.

Question 1.

TO ANYONE WHO READS THIS PLEASE VOTE for the best opening hook to a noir-thriller

A, B, or C below:

A. Allison Van Zandt, the abused wife of a notorious broker of black-market art, to her lover: I realized at an early age that under the right circumstances, I was capable of anything.

B. If the potential payoff were a $20 million masterpiece, would you put your life on the line for an alluring woman who might not be worthy of trust?

C. The Takedown Artist is a neo-noir thriller about a washed-up cage fighter who risks his life to steal a $20-million masterpiece with a mysterious and seductive woman who might not be worthy of trust.

QUESTION 2.

The Takedown Artist: a neo-noir thriller

Synopsis

A washed-up cage fighter meets an alluring woman hours before her estranged husband, a notorious broker of black-market art, tries to kill her. Desperate to start a new life, she persuades the fighter to help her steal a cursed El Greco masterpiece from her husband who stole it from a barbaric Russian expatriate in L.A. to shop the hot masterpiece — “trophy art” stolen during World War II.

Their plan rebounds on them when the husband is killed during the heist. In their struggle to escape the Russian barbarian and the police, they fall in love, but can you trust your lover when the tie that binds is murder? Is the seductress an abused wife desperate to free herself from a controlling husband — or a world-class con artist?

A mysterious murder, a cursed masterpiece, a gauntlet of MMA battles, and a decadent LA underworld forge a noir canvas where love, greed, trust and betrayal slug it out toe-to-toe.

3. Write your Bio and add it below the salutation with the word “BIO:” before it.

BIO: John Woodward has an MA in Film Production from UT Austin. He has written and directed three feature films. Texas Taliban won several festival awards. His short film Disciples of the Crow, based on a Stephen King story, won an Academy Award. His feature screenplay Out of the Dark won the Houston International film Festival.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s High Concept and Elevator Pitch.

1. To find your main hook, give us what is most unique about your lead character’s journey from a big picture perspective.

A desperate cage fighter risks his life for love and a $20 million masterpiece.

2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?

If the potential payoff were a $20 million masterpiece, would you put your life on the line for an alluring woman who might not be worthy of trust?

Dilemma

Main Conflict

What’s at stake?

Goal/Unique Opposition

We just finished a neo-noir thriller about a washed-up cage fighter who puts his life on the line to steal a $20-million masterpiece with a mysterious, seductive woman who might not be worthy of his trust.

3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?

The Takedown Artist is a neo-noir thriller about a washed-up cage fighter who puts his life on the line to steal a $20-million masterpiece with a mysterious and seductive woman who might not be worthy of his trust.

4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I learned to use the protagonist’s dilemma, main conflict, and/or stakes to write a one sentence pitch.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

JOHN WOODWARD Synopsis Hooks

Doing this assignment I learned to include marketability and hooks in oral and written presentations like a SYNOPSIS.

Hooks:

1. Strong audience appeal of the GENRE.

For nine decades, noir thrillers have fascinated audiences with darkly compelling characters, tragic anti-heroes, irresistible femme fatales, smart dialogue, and callous gangsters. The proven audience appeal of the genre includes dozens of movies that are both financial and artistic successes, movies like Chinatown, Fargo, Basic Instinct, Casablanca, Pulp Fiction, No Country for Old Men, Momento, Body Heat, and The Last Seduction.

The Takedown Artist delivers on the neo-noir genre conventions with intense thrills, surprising twists, mystery, suspense, intrigue, betrayal, passion and love. Perhaps most important, the relationship between Chance and Allison has a level of depth that is rare even in the best noir thrillers.

2. Great roles for bankable actors.

Chance Mitchel is both on the ropes and at the end of his rope. He’s a tragically-flawed, tough guy and a resourceful loser who recently retired as a professional MMA fighter to manage and train a small team of fighters. While Chance skillfully maneuvers the callous brutality of the fight world, in his personal life he has a solitary existence with no meaningful connection. Allison’s and her daughter’s dire circumstances and vulnerability reawaken in Chance a powerful hunger for the meaningful relationships of a family. As Chance protects them from a series of deadly threats, he experiences not only intimacy, but also the powerful sense of having a purpose greater than himself. Although Chance believes Allison killed her husband, he can’t help dropping his guard, which might prove lovely or lethal.

The Chance role should prove attractive to bankable actors, including action stars looking for a role with action but also more depth.

Allison Van Zandt is the romantic lead, but is she also a femme fatale villain? She’s wounded, vulnerable, victimized yet sly, tough, even predatory. No mere damsel in distress, she can give as well as take. A tough match for even the toughest of men. She’s a tender trap men find hard to resist. With vulnerability, innocent charm, and youthful beauty, she earns Chance’s trust, but does she deserve it? The role of Allison can do for a relatively unknown actor what Basic Instinct did for Sharon Stone.

The Takedown Artist

A twist-filled Neo-Noir Thriller that keeps the viewer guessing until the final scene.

LOGLINE: An art dealer’s wife seduces a washed-up cage fighter into stealing a priceless masterpiece from her abusive husband, incurring the wrath of its barbaric Russian owner. A fixed fight, a cursed masterpiece, and a decadent LA underworld forge a noir canvas where love, greed, trust, and betrayal slug it out toe-to-toe.

SYNOPSIS:

When prideful cage fighter Diego “The Hammer” Dedon fails to take a dive, he puts himself and his longtime trainer, Chance Mitchell, in the crosshairs of a cutthroat fight fixer.

Presented with a pay-up-or-die ultimatum by the fixer, Chance visits the Malibu home of Brad Van Zandt, a notorious broker of black-market art, who owes him money. Van Zandt is nowhere to be found, so Chance puts the squeeze on Brad’s estranged wife. Allison Van Zandt seems to have everything — beauty, charm, wealth, and sex appeal. But things aren’t as they seem. Allison claims that she’s separated from Brad because he‘s a controlling sociopath. She further claims that Brad’s about to flee to Europe with a priceless El Greco masterpiece he stole from his client, Vladimir Prudnikov, a Russian expatriate in LA to shop the hot masterpiece — “trophy art” stolen during World War II. And to top it all off, she says, Brad insists that he’ll take their 8-year-old daughter Melissa with him, and that if Allison refuses to join them, he guarantees he’ll kill her.

Allison makes a proposal to Chance: If he helps her steal the priceless masterpiece at the West Hollywood luxury hotel where she’s scheduled to meet Brad, she’ll pay off the fight fixer. Although Chance has no way of knowing whether Allison is an abused wife and mother desperate to free herself from a controlling husband, or a world-class con artist, he agrees to help her with the heist.

Their plan backfires when Brad assaults Allison at the hotel. When Chance restrains Brad to protect Allison, the art dealer viciously bites Chance’s arm, resulting in a devastating one-punch knock out of the abuser. When Chance returns from the hotel garage with the El Greco, the unconscious Brad is now the mysteriously dead Brad. Chance accuses Allison of killing her husband, but Allison claims Brad must have died as result of his fight with Chance. Now Chance and Allison have to sell the masterpiece — and ditch a body from the 14th floor of a Sunset Strip luxury hotel. And how does Chance get his blood out of the carpet and even worse — out of the dead guy’s mouth? The police aren’t the only problem. They’ve inherited the wrath of the Russian from whom Brad stole the El Greco, Vladimir Prudnikov, a battle-hardened, homicidal psychopath with an air of sophistication.

As events unfold, Allison’s and her daughter’s dire circumstances and vulnerability reawaken in Chance a hunger for the family life that so far has escaped him. As he protects them from a series of deadly threats, he experiences not only intimacy, but also the powerful sense of having a purpose greater than himself. Although Chance strongly suspects that Allison killed her husband, he can’t resist dropping his guard, a game plan that ultimately might prove lovely or lethal.

To recover his prized El Greco, Prudnikov kidnaps Allison’s daughter and demands the El Greco in exchange for the little girl. Chance recruits Hammer to help him battle Prudnikov and his allies. Hammer tries to convince Chance to keep the masterpiece and abandon Allison and her daughter. Chance refuses. Allison, for her part, tries to convince Chance that it’s not her but Hammer who can’t be trusted. When she asks Chance why he’s willing to risk his life to help her rescue Melissa, his selfless answer impresses her. Their revealing and emotional discussion ends with a loving embrace and a kiss.

Chance and his team rescue Melissa from Prudnikov in a bloody battle at a closed Russian nightclub, but it appears Allison may have double-crossed him when she flees the scene with the El Greco while Chance lay unconscious after being KOed by the Russians. Later, when Chance questions Allison about fleeing with the priceless masterpiece, she claims that she fled the nightclub to survive a barrage of bullets fired by Hammer in an attempt to steal the painting for himself. Hammer tries to convince Chance that Allison fled because she sees Chance as a useful chump. Chance remains confused about whom to believe. Once Chance decides to trust Allison, he has a savage fight with Hammer that climaxes as they wrestle for a pistol. As Hammer is about to kill Chance, Allison shoots Hammer.

With the fortune generated by the El Greco’s sale, Allison, Chance, and Melissa now live a beautiful family life in a scenic ocean-side villa in Mexico. Allison serves a margarita, and all seems hunky-dory, but the past still haunts Chance, and he regularly checks the Internet for news. He finds a shocking article, “MEDICAL EXAMINER CONFIRMS ART DEALER POISONED.” Chance studies his empty margarita glass. Is he poisoned or just sick from the possibility? He wobbles to the window for air, blinks to clear his vision. Lovely, fresh, sexy Allison sashays to Chance with two more margaritas, holds the frosty glass to his lips, coaxes her lover to drink. When Chance reaches for the margarita in Allison’s other hand, she responds, “That’s mine, honey. Yours is the one with salt.” Eden disintegrates. Chance asserts firmly, “I know you poisoned Brad. Have you poisoned me?” Allison holds his margarita — the one with salt, “You think this is poisoned?” He nods. To prove she did not poison Chance, she takes a huge gulp of the drink. She wraps her arms around him and with cold, glistening lips whispers in his ear, “You may be well advised to protect yourself at all times, but I intend to keep you for another fifty years.” Chance searches her eyes for a clue. Her incredible beauty and availability make him ache to believe her. He asks, “How do I know you never will?”

Seemingly hurt by his lack of trust, Allison backpedals from him. With puzzling urgency, she bolts out the door, sprints toward the beach. Chance follows, watches from a distance as she races into the surf. Allison angles her body away from him to conceal her action, but she can’t hide her attempts to induce vomiting. As Chance realizes that Allison did indeed poison his drink, he collapses on the wet sand.

Now purged of the poison, Allison wipes her mouth, strides through the waves, emerges triumphantly from the moonlit sea as the real Takedown Artist, having taken down six extremely macho men. As she walks with her daughter to the villa, Melissa asks, “What about Chance?” Allison responds, “Don’t worry, honey. He’ll wake up when the tide tickles his toes. He needs to sleep.”

A fixed fight, a cursed masterpiece, and a decadent LA underworld forge a neo-noir canvas where timeless themes of love, greed, trust and betrayal slug it out toe-to-toe.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s 10 Most Interesting Things.

A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?

The villain is unique because there are actually FOUR villains not one. The utterly horrific villains attack the hero independently from each other with motivations and methods unique to each.

Villain 1. Vladimir Prudnikov is a battle-hardened psychopath of a villain with a refined air and who enjoys philosophical exchanges with his victims. Vlad’s uniqueness includes killing his father to gain materially. He wears a scarlet cravat to cover the wound he received when his father defended himself by choking his son with a chain. Prudnikov’s larynx damage results in an especially sinister and raspy voice that must be processed and amplified by an electrolarynx, an artificial larynx. To speak, Prudnikov must place the small, battery-operated device directly on his neck, under the chin.

To Vlad, the only thing that’s sacred is his right to have what he wants, when he wants it. His motto might be “Women and children first,” only in the sense that they’d be the first sacrificial lambs if they stood in the way of his getting what he craves.

Villain 2. Diego “The Hammer” Dedon is a shrewd, Mike Tyson style goon of a street smart MMA fighter, willing to sledgehammer anything or anyone who stands between him and his quest. Hammer betrays Chance (his best friend) as well as all of his allies at the worst possible moment. Vile, brutish, and ultimately murderous if necessary.

Villain 3 Allison Van Zandt . Allison is the romantic lead and a villain. She’s vulnerable yet sly. A woman of many dimensions. Wounded yet tough. Open yet inscrutable. Victimized yet predatory. A tender trap any man would find it hard to resist. No mere damsel in distress, she can give as well as take. A tough match for even the toughest of men. With vulnerability, innocent charm, and youthful beauty, she convincingly earns Chance’s trust, but does she deserve it?

Villain 4 Tony Bruno. Vain, buff, earrings, tattoos, black leather vest. Tony ‘s a biker gangster, San Fernando Valley style. He enjoys a lucrative sideline fixing MMA fights. Chance is Hammer’s long time trainer and manager. When the unpredictable Hammer betrays his agreement to take a dive in a fixed fight against Tony’s top-ranked fighter, Chance has 24 hours to pay the Tony’s debt.

B. Major hook of your opening scene? A desperate old man braves the severe wilderness of Russia’s most remote Ural Mountains to retrieve a long-hidden, priceless treasure from an abandoned subterranean mine. The old timer appears to be well ahead of the KGB types who pursue him, only to be betrayed by an especially close ally who murders him and escapes with the cursed booty.

C. Any turning points?

The female lead sets up the protagonist.

The female lead kills her husband when left alone with her unconscious husband and claims that he died from the protagonist’s attack.

Villain Vlad kidnaps the female lead’s young daughter.

The female lead poisons the protagonist.

D. Emotional dilemma?

Should the protagonist trust the female lead?

E. Major twists?

Allison claims to help Chance by taking him to her husband Brad, a notorious broker of black market art. She actually leads Chance into a trap and the vile Prudnikov.

Another twist immediately ensues when Prudnikov attacks Allison because her husband stole his priceless masterpiece. A third twist follows when Chance uses his MMA skills to save Allison from being pistol whipped by the furious Russian.

F. Reversals?

An MMA fighter who agreed to take a dive betrays his best friend and trainer Chance Mitchell, the hero, when he knocks out the rising star, incurring the wrath of the fight fixer who specializes in taking revenge with dynamite.

G. Character betrayals?

The female lead poisons her husband and the protagonist. To avoid sharing the proceeds of the priceless masterpiece, Hammer kills his loyal friend Nate, and tries to kill Chance and Allison.

H. Or any big surprises?

In order to save Chance’s life, Allison shoots Hammer in the forehead, but he doesn’t die! Allison is stunned, but the audience realizes, years earlier, a surgeon installed a steel plate to repair the forehead damage Hammer caused himself when he repeatedly head butted an MMA opponent.

Make a list of any other things in your script that would interest a producer.

3. Organize both and select the 10 most interesting things.

Four ruthless villains each with his own motivations and methods.

Strong, intriguing, well-defined characters, some of whom are offbeat/colorful

Neo-noir genre with demonstrated commercial appeal for more than 80 years.

Roles that attract topline actors

Dark humor as comic relief

Engaging, believable dialogue that often hides more than it reveals

Relatable, convincing love story

Suspenseful plot with a Unique MacGuffin

Sex, action, violence, lust, betrayal

Riveting dramatic conflict in exciting settings

4. I learned to analyze the screenplay based on criteria that appeals to producers, actors, agents, managers, and other industry pros.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  John Woodward.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  John Woodward.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  John Woodward.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s Producer/Manager

Answer to #1

I’ll present myself as the co-writer of a screenplay that fits a genre with a track record proven to be both popular and evergreen—that is, a neo-noir thriller along the lines of too-numerous-to-count blockbuster hits over the years. Adult audiences of all persuasions have flocked to movies of this type, ones that spin tales of the darker side of human nature, ones rife with elements of love and hate, trust and betrayal, and enough sex and violence to whet viewers’ appetites.

In addition to wide audience appeal, the screenplay offers roles juicy enough to attract a bevy of topline actors. Hard-boiled roles with punchy, authentic dialogue and three-dimensional depth.

Directors, too, would be drawn to our script, which is replete with compelling scenes, riveting twists and turns, captivating visuals, and comic relief of the dark-humor sort.

Answer to #2

I’d say that anyone who could write a screenplay like The Takedown Artist (along with a plethora of quality works both produced and available) has demonstrated an ability to generate future works of high quality.

Answer to #3

I’ve learned that the roles, expectations, and wants/needs of producers and managers differ greatly, and a screenwriter with a finished screenplay in hand should approach a representative of either category based on those differing needs and agendas.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  John Woodward.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s Marketable components

Doing this assignment, I learned to include Components of Marketability in materials created to promote the script.

1. Current logline —

A washed-up cage fighter meets an alluring woman hours before her estranged husband, a notorious broker of black-market art, tries to kill her. Desperate to start a new life, she persuades the fighter to steal a cursed masterpiece her husband stole from a ruthless boss in LA’s Russian underworld. In their struggle to escape, they fall in love, but can you trust your lover when the tie that binds is murder?

2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick one or two that have the most potential for selling this script.

* A. Unique.

* B. Great Title

* C. True.

* D. Timely — connected to some major trend or event.

* E. It’s a first.

* F. Ultimate.

* G. Wide audience appeal.

* H. Adapted from a popular book.

* I. Similarity to a box-office success.

* J. A great role for a bankable actor.

3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate those two components for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through the two components.

Strong audience appeal —

Producers, managers, agents and other industry professionals recognize the enduring popularity of Noir Thrillers. The genre includes movies that were often both financial and artistic successes. These include Chinatown, Basic Instinct, Casablanca, Pulp Fiction, No Country for Old Men, Fargo, Momento, Rambo, Body Heat, The Last Seduction, Single White Female, and Gone Girl. The Noir Thriller genre also includes femme fatale thrillers, a popular subset of the Neo-Noir Thriller genre. For almost 100 years, the genre has proven itself as an enduring favorite of filmgoers. Many of these movies had such strong market appeal that they have endured for decades in the minds of movie fans.

The Takedown Artist delivers on the neo-noir genre conventions with thrills that include intense action, intrigue, twists, mystery, suspense, surprises, betrayal, passion, and love. Perhaps most important, the relationship between Chance and Allison has a level of depth that is rare even in some of the best noir thrillers.

Great roles for bankable actors.

Chance Mitchell is both on the ropes and at the end of his rope. He’s a tough guy with questionable morals who at the same time is capable of self-sacrifice in the name of love. A retired MMA fighter, he knows how to escape a rear naked choke applied by professional cage fighters, but like many of the toughest of men, he has more difficulty escaping a submission hold applied by a woman in Allison Van Zandt’s weight class.

Allison Van Zandt is vulnerable yet sly. A woman of many dimensions. Wounded yet tough. Open yet inscrutable. Victimized yet predatory. A tender trap any man would find it hard to resist. No mere damsel in distress, she can give as well as take. A tough match for even the toughest of men.

Diego Dedon is an Iago-like schemer and goon of an MMA fighter. Street smart. Super tough. Willing to sledgehammer anything or anyone that stands between him and what he wants. Vile, brutish, murderous if cornered. He’s one of Chance’s best friends, who may be loyal only to himself.

Vladimir Prudnikov is a battle-hardened psychopath of a villain with somewhat of a refined air about him. To him, the only thing that’s sacred is his right to have what he wants, when he wants it. His motto might be “Women and children first,” only in the sense that they’d be the first sacrificial lambs if they stood in the way of his getting what he craves.

The Chance role offers a challenge and an opportunity for popular action stars (think Jason Stathem) to step up to a role that requires more than the non-stop action for which they are so well known.

The Allison role can do for an excellent, but relatively unknown actor what Basic Instinct did for Sharon Stone.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

THE TAKEDOWN ARTIST: John’s Project and Market.

1.

GENRE: Neo-Noir Thriller.

TITLE: The Takedown Artist.

CONCEPT: A recently retired MMA fighter resourcefully uses a mixture of skills to steal a priceless masterpiece from a notorious broker of black-market art who stole it from a Russian mob boss. Our anti-hero allies with the art broker’s estranged young wife who claims her depraved and controlling psychopath hubby intends kill her and flee to Europe with the priceless masterpiece and their eight-year-old daughter. As the duo battles a bevy of vile pursuers, dire consequences build, and the couple falls in love. But can the lovers truly trust each other when the tie that binds is murder?

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

The Takedown Artist has an intriguing title. The quality of the lead roles will attract high-level male and female actors a la Basic Instinct. The film involves a mixture of fascinating Los Angeles underworlds complete with MMA fight fixers, Russian mobsters, and a stolen masterpiece that is both priceless and cursed.

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production companies — and why you picked that target.

We will target FIRST actors’ production companies, because the lead roles should attract actors with box-office clout.

4. I learned to emphasize the project’s market appeal in all material used to attract producers, actors, agents, and managers.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  John Woodward.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  John Woodward.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  John Woodward.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

3:10 to Yuma.

What I learned: There are several payoffs and reversals and surprises. There is almost no dialogue in the entire scene. The action is powerfully dramatic, and its meaning is conveyed substantially through subtext that is very open to interpretation. I can imagine that most moviegoers would debate the meaning of the climactic sequence.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

3:10 to Yuma. Scene arc, situation, conflict, moving the story forward, entertainment value, and setups/payoffs

Situation: Post Civil War old west in Arizona. Dan Evans wants to deliver Ben Wade to the train that takes prisoners to Yuma for trial. It’s the correct thing to do, and Dan wants to accomplish the delivery of the leader of a gang of armed robbers against the almost 99.99% chance he will be killed trying to accomplish the dangerous feat. Dan persists because he wants his son to see that he has courage.

HIGH STAKES CONFLICT: Dan and his son battle Ben Wade’s gang of about 8 heavily armed and highly skilled gunmen. Initially, Charlie Prince, Wade’s second in command, fires at Dan from a corral full of steers. REVERSAL: Dan’s son, William, drives the steers out of the corral. The animals trample Charlie. He’s injured, but still capable of shooting. The steers provide cover for Dan to fire at the gang members.

When Dan delivers Ben to the jail car on the train. Ben sincerely congratulates him, but one of the gang shoots Dan in the back. SURPRISE: Ben yells NO to stop the gang, apparently genuinely concerned for Dan’s life and his mission to impress his son. Charlie stumbles forward firing bullets into Dan’s chest. Ben exits the train out of concern for Dan who is dying at his feat. Charlie calls Dan, “one tough son of a bitch.” The gang tosses Ben’s pistol to him. The pistol is decorated with Christ’s cross. Ben stares at the cross. REVERSAL: Charlie realizes Ben is not himself and draws his pistol, but Ben fires rapidly, killing 6 of his gang members. Ben places his pistol on the wounded Charlie’s chest, and fires. Dan’s son William witnesses all of it.

William runs to his father, tells him, “You done it, Pa. You got him on the train.” Dan smiles slightly as he dies. William pulls a pistol, aims it at Ben. Ben faces him, willing to die. William can’t pull the trigger, lowers the pistol. DRAMATIC REVERSAL: Ben gets on the train, surrenders his firearm, sits down inside the cell. Ben submits himself out of a moral sense of honoring Dan, his worthy adversary. The train pulls away as William kneels over his dad. Ben Whistles. His horse runs after the train.

What I learned: There is almost no dialogue in the entire scene. The action is powerfully dramatic, and its meaning is conveyed substantially through subtext that is very open to interpretation.

[John Woodward]

I learned to make sure stories have definite turning points, to pay close attention to them, to make them dramatic and intense. I learned turning points force the lead character (often others) to go forward in a different direction. Turning Points propel the story and reveal new information that prevent characters to return to an earlier state, point of view, or intended action. In the movie Body Heat, once the lead character Ned Racine (William Hurt) agrees with Matty Walker (Kathleen Turner) to kill her husband, they can’t return to a state of no jeopardy. They are vulnerable to being caught by detectives and executed. Each is at the mercy of the other to keep their secrets. They are forced to trust the other with their lives.

[John Woodward]

GET OUT, Act 1 TP. Missy hypnotizes Chris. Outwardly, Missy is concerned that Chris’s smoking will have ill effects on her daughter Rose. She wants to help him by hypnotizing him to give him a suggestion to quit smoking, but once he’s hypnotized, we no longer see the mother as a person seeking to help Chris. Missy wants to control Chris for something other than kicking cigarettes. Missy can’t go back to being the seemingly sweet, thoughtful, helpful mother of his girlfriend. The audience and Chris realize something weird is coming.

GET OUT, Midpoint turning point: Logan freaks out. Logan seems very docile with an oddly flat affect. When Chris takes Logan’s photo, the flash snaps Logan out of the flat facade he seems to hide behind. Logan attacks Chris, urgently warning him to “Get Out.” This event propels the story forward. Chris gets a glimpse of the true personality Logan has under the calm facade the audience has come to know. Chris can’t go back to thinking that this is a normal group of awkward white people who may have eccentricities but are generally friendly and harmless. Chris can’t go back because the warning given to him by Logan is so emotionally intense, urgent, and dire. The incident is stronger evidence that something weird is going on with Chris’ girlfriend’s family and their friends.

GET OUT, Act 2 TP: Rose refuses to give Chris the keys! Rose, her brother, and parents surrounded Chris. He realizes he’s in mortal danger and wants to escape the house, but he needs his car keys. He yells at Rose to give him the keys. The brother, father, and mother menace Chris as Rose frantically searches for the car keys in her purse, seemingly trying her best to help Chris escape. Suddenly, she finds the keys. Her distraught emotions disappear. She calmly states, “You know I can’t give you the keys. Right, Babe?” Chris’s last lifeline disappears. Chris and the audience realize Rose is incredibly devious, has pretended to love and protect her imperiled boyfriend, and now sides with her family against him. The fraudulent relationship cannot be saved, there is no going back as the story shifts into the final act.

[John Woodward]

While 12 ANGRY MEN is based on a play that is dialogue driven, and is in a very different genre from my screenplay or THE DARK KNIGHT, all three opening scenes have in common the following elements: scene arc, situation, conflict, moving the story forward, entertainment value, setups/payoffs, invitation to the journey, challenging situations, interesting action, intriguing dialogue, and character motivations and/or needs that propel them to go on the journey.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

Regarding writing my own opening scenes, I learned to consider and double check for the following: basic scene components, including scene arc, situation, conflict, moving the story forward, entertainment value, setups/payoffs, invitation to the journey, challenging situations, interesting action, intriguing dialogue, and what is the thing inside the characters that propel them to go on the journey.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  John Woodward.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  John Woodward.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

12 ANGRY MEN

Initially, 11 jurors for guilty and 1 wants to deliberate. Most of the 11 seem disinterested in talking. Eventually a few of the jurors indicate they are willing to talk (deliberate). This is the inciting incident that compels the story to the end.

Situation: Twelve jurors discuss murder case in the jury room.

Conflict: 11 are ready to convict and not very interested in talking as Juror 8 would like to do.

Moving the story forward: The story is moved forward by introducing the conflict, the setting, the stakes, the characters and their personalities and points of view.

Entertainment value: Conflict and a murder trial are inherently entertaining in that the audience becomes engaged by the high stakes for the victim’s family and the accused murderer.

Setups/payoffs: The situation, basic issue of the case, the initial positions of the jurors, and personalities are all set up. Payoffs likely to come later in the story. An immediate payoff is that the group decides to talk when they didn’t think there was a need initially.

Invitation to the journey: The details of the case, introduction to the characters and their thoughts are an invitation to the journey.

Watch 2nd time for:

Challenging Situation: 12 Jurors disagree about how to proceed to a verdict in a murder trial. Personality types, opinions of guilt, and the way to proceed all contribute to the Challenging Situation.

Interesting Action and Intriguing Dialogue: When the stakes are high as is the case in a murder trial, debate alone is interesting. A change of point of view and a clash of personalities and positions are both intriguing and interesting.

Something inside this character needs to go on the journey: Juror 8 is compelled to go on the journey by his moral values, sense of fairness, desire to be thorough, and his concern that a mistake might send an innocent person to prison for life.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  John Woodward.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

My interpretation of Cheryl’s instructions is that she expected writers in the class to post our rewrites of our opening scenes, but nobody has. Not sure what to do. Any assistance is appreciated.

[John Woodward]

Opening sequence is only 4 minutes 56 seconds of screen time. A guy in clown masks fires two ziplines to the bank rooftop. Joker (we only learn this guy is the Joker at the end of the opening sequence. I name him because it clarifies which of the 5 heist clowns turns out to be Joker) stands at the street corner with a clown mask and a duffle bag. Truck arrives, Joker gets in the back seat. Action and cutting are face paced. Set up: Bank robber in clown mask says – The Joker is going to sit out the danger, and still expects a share of the loot.

The three clowns go into the bank. MYSTERY: A bank officer/manager has an unusually calm reaction. Something is up with him. The silent alarm is disabled. MYSTERY & INTRIGUE: The alarm is wired to alert a private number not 911. That’s weird.

Is there a problem? No. Surprise and twist: Partner kills the clown who disabled the alarm.

Bank manager kills one clown in the lobby, fires on two that remain. INTRIGUE and TWIST: BANK MANAGER says: You have no idea who you’re stealing from. You’re all dead.

Under fire, the two clowns try to determine if the Bank Manager is out of shells. Surprise and twist: The clowns counted incorrectly. Manager has one more shell and wounds the spiky-haired clown. REVERSAL: Now manager is out of bullets. The Joker shoots him.

CLOWN drills the vault door. INTRIGUE & MYSTERY: Vault door is wired to administer a shock to the thieves. That’s unusual. AS CLOWN opens the vault, he says: The Joker said I should take out the other guy who disarmed the alarm. TWIST & SURPRISE: The clown behind the vault man says – He told me something similar. He shoots the vault driller.

REMAINING CLOWN shovels money into bags. He encounters the JOKER in the lobby and realizes he should shoot Joker because he expects to be murdered by him. JOKER corrects him, says – I’m supposed to kill the bus driver. What bus? PAYOFF and SURPRISE: Bus blasts through the wall, killing the clown who was about to kill the Joker, and talked earlier about stealing Joker’s cut of the heist money. TWIST: Joker kills the bus driver, loads cash into the bus. Manager says the new breed of criminals have no respect for organized crime rules. JOKER replies – What doesn’t kill you simply makes you Stranger. He pulls off his clown mask revealing his clown face. He calmly puts a bomb in the Bank Manager’s mouth. INTRIGUE, DREAD, DANGER: We expect to see the Manage explode. SURPRISE and MYSTERY: It’s just a smoke bomb, the manager survives.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s World and Characters!

Doing this assignment, I learned to emphasize traits that create MIS for each of the characters.

CONCEPT: A washed-up MMA trainer meets an alluring young woman hours before her estranged husband, a notorious broker of black-market art, tries to kill her. Desperate to start a new life, she persuades the fighter to steal a cursed masterpiece her husband stole from a ruthless boss in L.A.’s Russian underworld. In their struggle to escape, they fall in love, but can you trust your lover when the tie that binds is murder?

Big Mystery: Where is the stolen masterpiece? Can Chance and Allison successfully steal the painting from her estranged and desperate husband, Brad, a notorious dealer of black-market art. If they can steal the masterpiece to fund their life together, will they survive the wrath of Allison’s estranged husband? Can Chance and Allison survive the unrelenting efforts by the ruthless underworld boss, Vladimir Prudnikov, to recover the priceless masterpiece that the art dealer stole from him?

Big Intrigue: Can Chance trust Allison? Does she truly love him? Or has she seduced him to use him to recover the painting from her brutal husband?

Big Suspense: In the struggle to possess the priceless masterpiece, will Allison betray Chance? Will Allison kill Chance?

2. INTRIGUING WORLD: The notorious LA underworld of stolen masterpieces, Russian mobsters, MMA fight fixing, black market art deals, and a beautiful young trophy wife desperately trying to free herself from a wealthy controlling deviant husband.

3. CHARACTERS MIS

HERO: Chance Mitchell

Mystery: Chance is a retired MMA fighter, who trains fighters out of his shoddy gym. Is he being set up by Allison, the estranged wife of a notorious broker of black-market art?

Intrigue: When one of the MMA fighters Chance trains fails to take a dive, the fight fixer gives Chance 72 hours to come up with the funds to cover his losses or they will kill him. Will Chance secure the money to pay the potentially lethal debt? Chance seeks out Brad Van Zandt, a notorious broker of black-market art, who owes Chance $150,000 from a recent MMA promotion. When Chance visits the art dealer’s home, he meets Brad’s beautiful young (but estranged) trophy wife, Allison Van Zandt. Chance learns that Brad stiffs everybody he deals with, and only pays when he’s threatened physically. Allison claims that whatever Brad did to Chance he’s done 100 times worse to her. She reveals that the art broker is on the run with a priceless masterpiece he stole from a client. The duo decides to team up. Chance falls for Allison. She claims she loves him, but does she? Or is she using him? Will she kill him once she has what she wants?

Suspense: Allison’s estranged husband is jealous, controlling and lethal. Will Chance be killed for getting too close to Allison? The painting belongs to Vladimir Prudnikov, a mobster determined to get it back. Will Chance get hurt or killed for stealing the priceless masterpiece from Prudnikov?

VILLAIN OR RED HERRING: Allison Van Zandt.

Allison is either the villain or the red herring. We learn for sure on the last page.

A. Mystery of this character. She hates her husband who is extremely jealous, controlling and deadly. She has a scheme to leave her wealthy husband who she claims has stolen a priceless masterpiece from a notorious client.

B. Suspense of this character. Can she survive splitting from Brad, and the various thugs he has ripped off.

C. Intrigue of this character. Can Allison convince Chance to steal the priceless masterpiece? Will they be successful or die in the attempt? Does Allison grow to love Chance or is she using him only to help her secure the masterpiece? Will she dispose of Chance when he is no longer needed? Will Chance discover Allison can’t be trusted and leave her to the wolves (Brad and Prudnikov) who pursue her?

[John Woodward]

John’s feedback for Evelyn’s Outline V1 KARMAGEDDON IS A BITCH

Cool title.

I know you have numerous details in mind beyond the outline. My questions follow:

Regarding the INCITING INCIDENT, why does minion Peg want Mikki to drop out of a charity fight? How does it help raise money for Shayla to pay her gambling debts?

The first time Shayla begs her parents to loan her money might belong in Act 1.

Given villain Shayla’s mission to get money to pay gambling debts, it’s probably important for the reader to understand how Shayla benefits from the alley attack on Mikki.

Does Mikki later see the photo of Shayla in Reinaldo’s bathrobe and suspect an affair between her husband and Shayla? This could be one of several issues that create a low point for Mikki in which she feels it is impossible to succeed. It definitely creates empathy for Mikki.

How does the trio raise money from the attempts on Mikki’s life? Seems they need Mikki to be alive in order for her to raise money to pay a ransom.

As an action story, this seems doable on a modest budget, which you likely know opens up the large number of producers who operate in that budget range. Once the script is polished, you probably want to consider submitting to MMA Stars who do movies or aspire to star in films.

Once you finish the script, I’d be happy to read it. My email is tazfilms@yahoo.com

[John Woodward]

Assignment 1: John’s Basic Instinct Stacking Suspense.

I realized how dense the story is. It’s chock full of MIS. The mystery and intrigue are compelling and drive the story forward in large part because it’s so tough to conclude who the villains are and who or what can be trusted. Part of the enjoyment for the audience is evaluating what information is true, vital, distorted, trustworthy of false.

Much of the mystery is conveyed quickly in dialogue. Whether it’s a fact that is being stated or an opinion raised or argued by Nick, his partner, other cops, or the various suspects. Information must always be weighed in light of the character who provides it. The MIS map is extremely intricate and layered regarding the breadth of the questions raised and how and when they are paid off.

Perhaps the most enjoyable part of the story is that the leads as characters are worthy adversaries. Neither one retreats from the challenge the other presents. My favorite scenes involve their rivalry, their game play, and their chemistry. Nick admits he’s in love with Catherine, but as a professional crime investigator, he still intends to nail her for the crime he believes she committed.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s Big M.I.S.

I learned the value of filling in the blanks.

Logline for The Takedown Artist – An art dealer’s wife seduces a washed-up cage fighter into stealing a priceless masterpiece from her husband, a notorious broker of black-market art, incurring the wrath of the painting’s owner, a ruthless Russian underworld boss. In their struggle to escape, they fall in love, but can a lover be trusted when the tie that binds is murder?

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero:

Chance Mitchell, a retired yet skilled MMA fighter, who now trains a group of professional fighters out of his shoddy gym.

Dangerous Villains:

BRAD VAN ZANDT, a notorious broker of black-market art.

ALLISON VAN ZANDT, the art dealer’s estranged wife, seems to have everything — beauty, wealth, charm. But things aren’t as they seem. Allison’s husband, Brad, is a controlling sociopath about to flee the country with an El Greco masterpiece he stole from a shady client.

VLADIMIR PRUDNIKOV, a ruthless Russian underworld boss, determined to recover the priceless masterpiece that the art dealer stole from him.

High stakes: Chance’s life and possibly a long prison term for a murder he didn’t commit. Allison’s life, and her daughter’s life.

Life and death situations: Chance’s fighter fails to take a dive, incurring the wrath of a small-time hood who fixed the fight. Chance must collect money owed to him by a shady art dealer to pay his debt to the hood. Allison must flee to Europe with Brad and the priceless masterpiece, or he kills her. All three must elude the painting’s real owner, a ruthless Russian underworld boss. Allison may or may not be using Chance. She might kill him.

This story is thrilling because? Throughout the story, we constantly worry about Chance and Allison as they try to survive while executing a plan to steal the stolen masterpiece from Allison’s controlling husband, Brad. Each attempt to recover the priceless masterpiece puts them in more danger.

Big Mystery: Where is the stolen masterpiece? Can Chance and Allison successfully steal the painting to fund their life together?

Big Intrigue: Can Chance trust Allison? Does she truly love him? Or has she seduced him only to use him to recover the painting from her brutal husband?

Big Suspense: In the struggle to possess the priceless masterpiece, who will betray whom? Who will kill whom?

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story?

Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded plot that will live under the surface for most of the movie?

Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script?

[John Woodward]

How do we partner up?

[John Woodward]

Subject line: John Woodward’s Outline Version 1

Title: FATAL PREJUDICE

Logline: A gutsy inner-city youth teams with a jaded survivalist to terminate an undead slave-ship captain before the vile monster can assassinate a much-loved African American civil rights leader, running for President.

Action Outline:

When an innocent play in a baseball game angers a ruthless crew of gangbangers, the gang chases TREY, a gutsy athletic youth, and his brother DOMINO through the ghetto. When the brothers hide in the hellish sub-basement of a dilapidated tenement, they encounter ELDRIDGE MAKEPEACE, a ghoulish rogue, peering from behind the rusted bars of a crude cage. A hideous scar traverses his neck from earlobe to earlobe. Compounding the mystery, the old-timer speaks in an antiquated British accent, wears his tarry pigtail long in the 18th century style.

As the brothers question Makepeace about his situation, his “keeper” KWA, an elderly African obeah man (shaman), arrives, and reveals clues regarding the mystery of Makepeace, but avoids direct answers.

When the gangbangers arrive to kill Trey and his brother, the pale prisoner employs trickery and insults to goad the intruders. The ploy works. The gangsters shoot the lock off the cell. When Kwa tries to physically stop them from releasing Makepeace, the gang shoots Kwa, and enters the cell to teach Makepeace some manners, but their trusted automatic pistols are powerless against him. Makepeace uses his immense strength to turn the pistol to his gang leader’s head. Boom! Executes him. The gang riddles Makepeace with gunfire, however it affects him very little. He returns fire, slaughtering the gang. Trey and his brother see that the gang’s bullets have virtually no effect against the vile prisoner, providing evidence for Kwa’s claim that Makepeace is an 18th century slave ship captain doomed to the realm of the undead after being killed then cursed by a mutinous African shaman whom he sought to enslave. Trey begins to realize the gang has unwittingly released into the modern world a diabolical and supernatural racist monster. Few hearts beat with more venom than that of the wickedly intelligent and obscenely hostile Captain Eldridge Makepeace.

As soon as Makepeace murders the last gangster, the evil racist shoots Trey’s brother Domino in the back as he sprints for safety. Domino dies in Trey’s arms. Trey, alone, escapes from the vile sub-basement. Trey, alone, realizes the slave trader’s plan to assassinate black leaders, culminating with PATRICIA HAMILTON, a highly admired candidate for U.S. President.

Trey not only battles Makepeace, but he also fights his conscience. Trey blames himself for his brother’s murder because Domino did not want to descend into the sub-basement to hide from the gangbangers. Trey’s quest to avenge his brother’s murder provides additional motivation for him to destroy Makepeace.

When the gang’s surviving members discover their friends slaughtered in the sub-basement, they immediately begin to hunt Trey, assuming that he killed their homies. Makepeace quickly realizes Trey alone can thwart his dark obsession, increasing Makepeace’s motivation to kill Trey. As the vile villain ruthlessly pursues Trey through the ghetto, he forces Trey into a tough adjacent neighborhood.

When Trey breaks into a flat to hide from Makepeace, he finds a stash of weapons. The resident of the flat, JOE ROSELLI, a world-weary loner and survivalist, surprises the young man and holds him at gunpoint for the police. When Makepeace arrives first, Trey and Joe barely survive as they shoot it with Makepeace, then flee together. A neighbor videos Trey and Joe as they appear to viciously execute a helpless old white man (actually, the monster Makepeace) while he lays face-down on the street. The video goes viral and makes the national news. Now, Trey and Joe are wanted for murder so they can’t go to the police for assistance, which makes the mission even more impossible. Can these unlikely allies prevent the immortal embodiment of racism from irreparably scarring America? The immediate answer is no. Joe bails from the fight to save the targeted civil rights leaders because he doesn’t see it as his fight. When Joe abandons Trey, the youngster is once again alone on his increasingly impossible mission: the police, the gangbangers, and Makepeace all hunt Trey.

Soon Makepeace assassinates his first target, the revered civil rights leader WALKER JONES. Joe sees news coverage that Jones was assassinated and realizes his decision to abandon Trey cost the revered leader his life.

Knowing that bullets can’t stop Makepeace, Trey brainstorms a new solution. He purchases a compound bow to fire arrows through Makepeace and pin him to a wall. Trey’s plan slows Makepeace’s advance, but not for long. The ruthless racist breaks free from the arrows and continues to relentlessly pursue Trey. Following a chase through the ghetto, Makepeace pins Trey down in a steel dumpster, and it seems certain that Makepeace finally has Trey at his mercy, but Joe dramatically re-enters the battle at the very last second to rescue Trey from Makepeace. This cements the growing friendship and partnership between Trey and Joe. The unlikely allies are now stuck with each other and grow to rely on each other.

When Makepeace successfully assassinates another beloved national statesman, the atmosphere in the country becomes increasingly chaotic and violent. The urgency of Trey’s mission intensifies exponentially. While Trey and Joe feel defeated at this point, they realize the urgency and danger, and commit to their mission to destroy Makepeace in the face of impossible odds. Seeking to increase their firepower, the unlikely allies break into an armory/compound rumored to be controlled by skinheads. A skinhead gets the drop on Trey, but Joe gets a drop on the skinhead. Joe covers the skinheads as Trey loads weapons into carry bags. The skinheads appeal to Joe as a white man to abandon Trey and join them in the intense riots taking place around the city. Joe, not-so-politely, declines. Trey and Joe successfully leave the armory with several intense weapons, including a bazooka. However, the unlikely allies have made another mortal enemy. The skinhead gang joins the gangbangers, the police, and Makepeace in the hunt to terminate Trey and Joe.

Knowing Trey and Joe are in pursuit, Makepeace accelerates his efforts. This time he finds Trey and Joe as they are pulled over by a police patrol car. As an officer questions Joe and Trey, their adlib answers generate more suspicion from the police. Soon the police order our heroes to put their hands on the hood of the vehicle in order to pat them down. Makepeace takes this opportunity to attack. He wounds both officers, allowing Trey and Joe to escape. As Makepeace moves in to execute the wounded officers, Trey throws Joe’s car into reverse, smashing into Makepeace and saving the patrol officers.

Makepeace again endures the assault by Trey and Joe. As the intense gun battle continues, Makepeace runs out of ammunition. Trey hits the accelerator and peels away with Joe in the passenger seat. Makepeace climbs into the police cruiser and resumes his pursuit. He immediately frees the police shotgun from its rig, but the heroes have clearly made a clean escape. As Makepeace departs the alley in the cruiser, an emergency vehicle arrives to assist the wounded police officers.

Based on televised news reports about Hamilton’s next campaign stop, Trey and Joe decide to get ahead of Makepeace before he can reach Hamilton. Makepeace sees the same report about Hamilton’s campaign on a TV in a gas station, and immediately resumes his relentless pursuit of Hamilton as her campaign moves from New York to Delaware. Once Hamilton is in jeopardy from Makepeace, the stakes are elevated for America, Trey, Joe, and the audience. Makepeace ditches the police cruiser and carjacks a Cadillac from an elderly lady to pursue Trey and Joe.

A vicious gun battle ensues during an intense car chase on the open rural highway of southern New Jersey. After several failed attempts, Trey fires the bazooka, destroying the undead slave trader’s Cadillac, and sending it over a cliff. But once again the immortal villain emerges from the fiery crash damaged but not destroyed. Trey’s plan has completely failed, and it looks like there is little hope because Makepeace is an enemy that cannot be killed even by extremely powerful weapons like a bazooka.

Joe and Trey drive onto a massive ferryboat that will take them across Delaware Bay. The captain of the ferry informs them that the ferry will depart when full. Fearing Makepeace could arrive any minute, Joe and Trey sweat out the suspenseful wait for each car (anyone of which could be Makepeace) to board the ship until full. Once full, the pair bump fists to celebrate the relief they feel. But the relief is short-lived. A rickety pickup truck accelerates toward the ship as workers wait to close the gate as the last vehicle squeezes into the only open slot. The pickup truck rockets up the ramp, access the ferry. The truck smashes into various cars before settling on the ship. Makepeace emerges from the pickup truck, and immediately receives fire from Joe and Trey. The vicious racist battles the unlikely duo on a claustrophobic ferry ride across Delaware bay, an environment with little chance for escape. The gunfire sends passengers overboard or into hiding places.

During the battle, Makepeace appeals to Joe, white man to white man, in order to convince him to betray Trey. This time, Joe replies with bullets. In the gun battle, Makepeace shoots the ferryboat captain who collapses onto the throttle in full steam ahead position. As the ship accelerates toward the shore, the gun battle continues until the ship SLAMS into the dock! Trey and Joe steal a car near the front of the ferry to escape the carnage.

Makepeace tracks Hamilton to a rural hunting-lodge style hotel that she uses to rest up for a campaign appearance. Makepeace battles then kills a dozen secret service agents on his way to Hamilton’s room. Patricia Hamilton physically fights Makepeace, resourcefully defending herself long enough for Trey and Joe to join the battle with the immortal villain. Trey and Joe rescue her for the time being. The stakes rapidly increase for Trey, Joe, Hamilton, and the country.

The climactic battle continues from the hotel to an industrial waterfront. During the fire fight, Joe appears to be trapped in a boat as it sinks offshore. Meanwhile, Makepeace pursues Trey and Hamilton. Eventually Joe re-enters the battle, fires a commercial spear gun (used to hunt whales) from the deck of a nearby ship. A gigantic steal harpoon slams through Makepeace and pins him to a huge wooden dock post. Not dead, but not free, Makepeace curses the pair as they use a chainsaw to cut the wooden post and load it and Makepeace into a truck for transport to the fiend’s final resting place.

Still harpooned to the dock post, Makepeace curses Trey and Joe as they drop him into a cavernous hole dug for a gigantic pilon that forms part of the foundation for an enormous skyscraper under construction near the Statue of Liberty. Joe positions his massive cement truck, and dumps concrete atop the treacherous fiend. The vile Makepeace is not dead, but he may as well be.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  John Woodward.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s Unique Action!

Doing this assignment, I learned to employ brainstorming to improve the action.

Brainstorm ways to make one or more of places unique:

A. What if…?

Rules: Trey must discover in pieces the clues that reveal the power needed to re-imprison the undead Makepeace (villain). It’s more intriguing for the audience to go on a journey of discovery with Trey to solve the puzzle as opposed to having most everything explained to him in the first act.

Weapon: Trey must find a way to incorporate the ancient Obeah voodoo talismans with unusual weapons and strategy to defeat Makepeace.

B. Take it to an extreme.

Unique Skill Set: Patricia Hamilton has a unique skill set with weapons she uses to delay her demise at the hands of Makepeace long enough for Trey to arrive and save her.

Weapons: Trey and Joe must resourcefully discover, steal, or build more powerful weapons to fight the evil fiend.

C. Specific to character or environment.

Villain: Before killing the beautiful Hamilton, Makepeace ignorantly tries to exercise his privilege as a white slave-trader to have her sexually before terminating her.

Environment: Because Makepeace pursues Hamilton as she campaigns for President, any environment in the country is appropriate for chases and the climactic battle. In the case of a smaller budget, Hamilton’s campaign stops could be in rural locations. With a bigger budget, the showdown could be in a major city where riots, looting, and arson form the backdrop.

D. Shocking or Surprising.

Struggle: Hamilton feigns attraction or admiration for Makepeace to delay his assault.

Allies: Trey convinces Joe, an utterly unlikely ally, to help him.

E. Go opposite.

Meaning: Trey has reasons not to trust the police, but he’s moral and saves a cop from being killed by Makepeace.

Struggle: Even though the gangbangers have tried to kill Trey, as Makepeace slaughters them one by one, Trey attempts to save them.

F. What haven’t we seen?

Environment: The high-speed freeway gun battle continues onto a ferry until the massive ship crashes into the harbor. Many passengers are gunned down in the crossfire between Makepeace, Joe, and Trey.

Rules: Even fiery crashes and explosions don’t kill Makepeace.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s Level 3 Action Emotions. Danger, excitement, and adrenaline.

Doing this assignment, I learned the action emotions frequently overlap each other, relief can be short lived, and adrenaline accompanies excitement or danger.

SCENE:

INT. GAS STATION – DAY

Joe pours two coffees as a HUNTER in a green flannel cap exits. Joe glances outside.

JOE’S POV — The hunter climbs into a Winnebago next to a mangled NYPD squad car. Joe does a double take, hurries out.

EXT. GAS STATION – DAY

[ANXIETY]

A wrecked NYPD squad car in southern New Jersey means one thing: Makepeace. Joe pulls his Browning, scans the station, joins Trey in the convertible.

JOE: There’s a New York City squad car parked behind the Winnebago.

TREY: Makepeace. What’s he doing here?

JOE: Same as us. Getting gas — following Hamilton to Delaware. He’s ditching the squad car. Probably jacked that RV.

Joe eases the convertible next to the RV. Trey leans out his door, slashes tires.

TREY: Roll!

Tires SQUEAL as they speed away. Makepeace steps out of the hunter’s Winnebago with a shotgun in each hand. He wears the hunter’s hat and jacket as a disguise. He detects the punctured tires, scans the station for a vehicle to his liking.

MAKEPEACE’S POV — TWO TEENAGERS exit a very old HONDA CIVIC.

Even a slave trader from the 18th century knows not to choose a Civic as a chase car. Makepeace looks around.

MAKEPEACE’S POV — A new CADILLAC pulls into the station.

Makepeace steps in front of the Cadillac. A WOMAN slams the brakes. Makepeace jerks open her door.

MAKEPEACE: I’ll make no bones about it, ma’am, if you don’t relinquish and be quick about it, I’ll use your blood to warm my rum.

WOMAN: This is my husband’s car! He’ll –

MAKEPEACE: I don’t care two coppers whose it is, and you may lay to that, ma’am.

[DANGER]

Makepeace yanks her from the Caddie. Still an awful driver, he grinds the ignition, jerks a turn, tears down the road.

EXT. PENINSULA ROAD – DAY

Trey and Joe speed along a desolate road that runs down a narrow peninsula. Joe glances in the rear view mirror.

JOE’S POV — The Cadillac crests a hill, speeds toward them.

JOE: He stole a Cadillac!

Makepeace steadies a shotgun on the Cadillac’s side-view mirror, fires! Joe swerves to the other side of the road. Trey snatches the Mossberg shotgun, fires at the Cadillac.

The windshield shatters, hangs in its frame. Makepeace brushes it away, fires through the open space.

[ADRENALINE]

The Cadillac weaves unsteadily under Makepeace’s inexperienced hand, but he speeds abreast the convertible. As Trey blasts away at the slave trader, Joe swerves, slams the Caddie into a guard rail that parallels a steep bluff.

Makepeace can’t handle the skid. The Cadillac slides sideways in the gravel as the convertible pulls away.

Makepeace controls the skid, closes on the convertible.

The convertible zips past a pickup which tows a tractor on a trailer. The Cadillac swerves past the truck. A crotchety FARMER gives the finger to the passing vehicles.

Trey fires. The Cadillac’s radiator explodes.

Makepeace fires. Bullets rake the convertible’s tail lights.

Joe struggles to pull the convertible out of a skid.

[EXCITEMENT]

Trey sends several rounds into the Cadillac’s hood. Flames erupt from the Caddie’s engine! Makepeace struggles to see through the blaze. When the flames part, his eyes grow wide!

MAKEPEACE’S POV — Trey aims the bazooka, fires!

KABOOM! The bazooka blast obliterates the front of the Cadillac! What’s left SMASHES through a guard rail, disappears over the bluff! A fireball rises from the rocky shore! Trey and Joe celebrate their apparent victory.

[RELIEF]

TREY: HELL YEAH!!!

JOE: Burn! Burn, baby, BURN!

EXT. FERRY PORT – DAY

A tree-covered hill slopes to a dock on the New Jersey side of Delaware Bay. A SEAMAN oversees access to a weathered mom-and-pop ferry. Joe pays the fare, drives the convertible up the ramp. Trey looks behind for Makepeace.

EXT. FERRY – DAY

Joe and Trey drive across the oil-stained deck, park on the ferry’s forward-most row. The HELMSMAN chews a toothpick, waddles past.

JOE: Yo, Captain, when do we shove off?

HELMSMAN: Soon as she’s full up.

JOE: Any way to leave sooner?

HELMSMAN: Can you swim?

DISSOLVE TO:

Except for two spaces, cars now fill the ferry. From a strategic position near the ramp, Joe scrutinizes cars as they board. Trey looks sea sick, wipes his sweaty brow.

JOE: You okay?

TREY: Sea sick. It’s like third grade all over again.

A red MERCEDES stops short of the toll gate. Windshield glare hides the driver, fuels their anxiety.

[ANXIETY]

TREY: What’s he doing?

JOE: It’s gotta be Makepeace.

Trey slips a hand into his jacket. Joe grips the pistol in his pants, squints. The Mercedes veers to the toll booth. A masculine hand pays the fare. The Mercedes angles to an open slot. Trey watches intently as the windshield glare disappears, reveals an ELDERLY MAN. Joe relaxes his grip on the pistol. Trey breathes easier.

JOE (facetious): Good thing we didn’t panic.

TREY: Maybe the explosion finished him.

JOE: Maybe my aunt’s got gonads.

A blue BUICK boards the ferry, takes the last space. Again, the glare hides the occupants.

TREY: I can’t stand this much longer.

Trey and Joe grip their pistols. The driver’s door opens. A BIG MAN, as huge as an NFL lineman and black, sets his six-year-old son on deck, points to the restroom. The BOY hurries past Trey, pretends to shoot him with his index finger. Trey forces a smile. The seaman locks the gate. The ferry chugs away from shore.

[RELIEF]

TREY: He’s finished.

JOE: About time.

Trey high-fives Joe. A RUMBLE interrupts the celebration.

THEIR POV — The pickup from the peninsula road crests the hill — no longer tows the tractor.

JOE: That’s the guy we passed.

TREY: Where’s the tractor he was towing?

[SUSPENSE]

JOE: Makepeace.

TREY: But he’s too late.

[DANGER]

The pickup accelerates, crashes through the toll gate, speeds up the ramp, arcs through the air, crash lands on the ferry atop the Mercedes, slides back! The truck teeters on the edge of the deck, tilts toward the water. A huge, black hand snatches the bumper! The hulk-like lineman struggles heroically to save the pickup from plunging into the bay.

INT. PICKUP – DAY

Makepeace seizes an automatic in each hand, begins to climb out of the pickup.

EXT. FERRY – DAY

The big man strains to secure the pickup. Trey appears.

TREY: Say dog, let me give a brother a hand.

BIG MAN: Thanks, brother.

Trey sucker punches the big man, knocks him to the deck, lunges into the bumper, heaves the truck overboard! The pickup SLAMS into the surf.

TREY: Slipped right outa my hand.

[EXCITEMENT]

As the truck sinks, travelers gather, but not for long — Trey unloads pistols into the cab roof, eliminates the air pocket. Water inundates the pickup. It plunges to a watery grave.

The helmsman cuts the ferry’s engine, heads toward Trey. Suddenly, the FERRY ENGINE SPUTTERS to life. The helmsman glances back.

HELMSMAN’S POV — Joe heads the ship out to sea.

The helmsman races back to his post, spins Joe around.

HELMSMAN: What you’re doing is a federal crime.

Joe jams a pistol barrel into the helmsman’s gut. A toothpick drops from the helmsman’s jaw.

CUT TO:

The six-year-old black boy emerges from the restroom, finishes zipping his pants.

BOY’S POV — A scarred, water-soaked, hand clutches a remote section of the oil-stained deck.

A child’s curiosity compels the boy to watch with cherubic, innocent eyes.

Makepeace pulls himself on board, spots the child, raises a finger to his lips to hush the boy, motions him to draw near.

[ SUSPENSE]

MAKEPEACE: Come here, sonny, come nearer here. Just a bit closer.

The child stands dead-still.

MAKEPEACE: Look, boy, look what I’ve got for you here in me pocket.

Makepeace puts a hand inside his jacket, grips a knife in his breast pocket, continues to charm the boy.

MAKEPEACE: I’ve been to the confectioners and I’ve got me a pocket full of sweetmeats?

The boy stares, bewildered, inches away. Makepeace seems to hypnotize the child with his voice, edges forward.

MAKEPEACE: Come, boy, come get your tasty treat. Right here in me pocket.

The boy backs away.

MAKEPEACE: Don’t you like candy, boy?

The boy bolts.

[RELIEF]

BOY: Daddy! Daddy! A stranger tried to give me candy.

With secrecy no longer his, Makepeace dives behind a car.

Trey ties the helmsman’s hands to a rail near the ferry’s throttle, spins around to locate the commotion.

[ADRENALINE]

Joe and Trey open fire on Makepeace from the helm. Makepeace returns fire. Bullets slam into cars. Several gas tanks EXPLODE! Travelers scatter. A few topple under Makepeace’s indiscriminate fire.

LONG SHOT — Chaos erupts on the ferry’s deck. Flames and black smoke rise from burning cars. Many travelers dive into the bay. Others take cover under cars. Makepeace advances. Trey lays down a barrage of lead to cover their retreat down a line of cars.

MAKEPEACE: Joseph, your friend seems none too happy aboard this ship.

Trey fires again. Makepeace stalls, reloads his weapons.

MAKEPEACE: Now, Joseph, your head ain’t much account, nor ever was. But you’re able to hear, I reckon; leastwise, your ears is big enough. Now, here’s what I say: Give Trey over to me, and we’ll join up. At least, I’m one of your own kind, Joseph. Then we’ll take care of this nasty business, such as it be. Duty is duty after all, and you’ll be free to take your place in a better world. You know I’m right. What do you say?

[SUSPENSE]

Trey stares at Joe, almost expects to be betrayed.

JOE: What are you lookin’ at?

MAKEPEACE: You can’t touch pitch and not be mucked, lad. I’ll be tellin’ you for the last time! Choose your poison.

Joe answers Makepeace with lead.

MAKEPEACE: If that’s your answer, well then, I’ve had as much as I can stand of you two clams, you’ve hazed me long enough, by thunder!

Makepeace advances on their position. DOLLY with Trey and Joe as they crawl down a row of cars, reload their guns.

TREY: What now?

JOE: I’ll keep him busy. You get the bazooka. Try for a shot that’ll blast him overboard.

TREY: Dat’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.

JOE: Trey.

TREY: Yeah?

JOE: Don’t miss.

Trey crawls away. Joe slips inside a black sedan, lies on the floor board, grips his Browning automatic.

Makepeace searches. Several passengers become fodder for his savage indifference. As the slave trader passes the black sedan, Joe swings the door open, shoots him in the back. Makepeace falls face down.

MAKEPEACE: How can I extol your high qualities, Joseph, when you shoot me in the back?

[DANGER]

Makepeace rolls over, fires! Joe dives behind a car, leads Makepeace toward Trey. Makepeace takes the bait, follows in a parallel row.

Trey retrieves the bazooka from the trunk, scampers to an adjacent aisle, sets up for a clear shot.

The ferry speeds toward the rocky shore of Lewes, Delaware.

Still tied to the rail, the helmsman glances futilely from the full-open throttle to the fast approaching shore. The helmsman stretches to hook the throttle with his foot. His toes barely rake the throttle.

The ship roars on, closes on the rocky coast. The helmsman stretches his toe closer to the throttle. A precious inch would prevent disaster!

Joe runs in a crouch behind cars, allows Makepeace to get an occasional glimpse. Makepeace fires at Joe, misses.

At the front of the ferry, Joe crawls into the convertible, revs the engine, glances in the rear view mirror.

JOE’S POV — A few cars back from the convertible, Makepeace steps between bumpers. The slave trader raises his weapon for an unobstructed kill shot on Joe!

Joe pops the clutch. Tires SQUEAL! The convertible plows in reverse into the car behind it, bulldozes a line of cars, pins Makepeace between bumpers. The slave trader buckles at the knees. His automatic weapon arcs wildly out of control. Stray bullets rake the helmsman. He falls. The throttle remains wide open. The ship barrels full-tilt toward a disastrous collision with a wood pier on the rocky shore.

[EXCITEMENT]

Joe opens fire on the trapped slave trader. His bullets send Makepeace into a jiggling dance. Trey moves into position for a clear shot, fires the bazooka!

The BLAST just misses the slave trader, obliterates the car that has him pinned, frees Makepeace.

TREY: Damn.

As Trey reloads the bazooka, he glimpses the pending disaster.

TREY’S POV — The ferry closes on the wood pier.

TREY: Joe! Look!

JOE’S POV — The ferry roars for shore with amazing speed.

[ADRENALINE]

Joe revs the convertible’s engine. Trey drops the bazooka, races up the aisle, dives into the car. Joe slams it into drive, hits the gas. The convertible accelerates through the ferry’s front gate, flies off the deck, lands with a bang on the pier, zips over rough beams, races a few planks ahead of the ferry as it smashes into the pier, obliterates the dock, grinds timbers to pulp as it goes.

Joe struggles to control the convertible. The ferry grinds to a halt a few planks short of shore. The convertible accelerates off the pier, whips south down Delaware Highway 9.

EXT. SHORE – DAY

Joe drives the convertible down the road. Trey gazes behind.

JOE: Is he coming?

TREY: Maybe he’s stuck on the ferry.

[RELIEF]

JOE: Maybe he’s having a cup of tea. Maybe he went and turned himself in. How did you miss that shot?!

The convertible crests a hill, disappears down the highway.

EXT. FERRY – DAY

Cars burn out-of-control on the ferry. Makepeace strides out of the inferno as if emerging from hell.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s Level 2 Action Emotions.

Doing this assignment, I learned SURPRISE and SHOCK often occur repeatedly in an overarching SUSPENSE scene.

Create a scene that uses all three of these Action emotions.

SCENE:

Footfalls and muffled voices indicate the gang prowls the alley. Domino ducks behind a tarp which hangs on a wall. Trey joins him, draws the pistol.

[SURPRISE]

Domino notices they lean against a massive door fortified with wrought iron. A bone‑white leopard skull contrasts dark splintered wood. The carved Congo tribesman talisman dangles on a strand of zebra skin from the cat’s fangs. And if you haven’t realized it, Trey and Domino picked the wrong house to hide in — Kwa’s house. Domino examines the talisman.

TREY: Dayum! What kinda freaky voodoo shit they rockin’ up in this bitch?

Domino lifts the enormous fortification timber.

INT. BASEMENT STAIRS ‑ DAY

The door CREAKS open, reveals steep rock steps. Domino CREAKS the door back and forth to unnerve his brother.

TREY (ghostly): Woooo. Wooooooo.

DOMINO: C’mon dog, this ain’t time to play. Gar’s boys are still out there.

Trey steps onto the first stair, inadvertently nudges a bucket. It CLATTERS down the stairs with an EERIE ECHO.

DOMINO: Stop clownin’! Y’gonna get us killed.

Trey plays like a kid in the tunnel of horrors.

[SURPRISE]

TREY: Hello down there. Anybody down there? (jumps at Domino) BOO!

DOMINO: Hey!

TREY (feigns fright): I saw somethin’.

DOMINO: That ain’t funny, man.

TREY: Really, I think I saw somethin’. You go first.

Trey pushes Domino into the doorway. Domino spins away.

TREY: All right, step back, little ho. Step somewhere and take off that dress. Let a man handle this.

Thick silence engulfs Trey as he descends a few steps.

TREY: Hellooo down there? (throws voice) Hello up there. (loud) Anybody down there? Hellooo

Something CREAKS almost imperceptibly from the darkness. Trey’s cocky smile vanishes.

TREY (softly): Hello?

DOMINO: What do you see?

Trey whistles to mask his fear, inches to the bottom, faces a pack rat’s wet dream of junk, bulging boxes, and discarded furniture.

DOMINO: C’mon, Trey, let’s roll before this gets ugly.

TREY: Calm down, ho, before you pee in your panties.

INT. BASEMENT – DAY

Domino follows Trey between stacks of junk into the claustrophobic nightmare of the basement’s depths. The high-pitched SQUEAL of a dying rat ECHOES from the darkness.

DOMINO: You hear that?

TREY: Sounded like a rat.

DOMINO: A rat?

TREY: Dog, we live in the projects. You should know a rat when you hear one.

TREY’S POV ‑‑ A few yards ahead, the path ends against a brick wall. From beneath the floor, light shines through the iron bars of a trap door.

Domino and Trey draw close to the light.

THEIR POV — A reinforced shaft plunges from the basement’s dirt floor to an even lower chamber. A bare bulb glows at the bottom of a 14-foot ladder.

DOMINO: Aw, hell naw! I ain’t gettin’ caught up in no dungeons and dragons voodoo! I’m steppin’.

TREY: Hold on, dog. We came this far without meetin’ no fire-breathin’ monsters –- let’s see what’s up.

Trey checks over his shoulder, carefully opens the trap door, descends the ladder. Domino follows.

INT. LOWER CHAMBER ‑ DAY

At the bottom of the ladder, a tangle of junk rises from floor to ceiling, offers one path into the chamber’s depths. Trey heaves an empty wine bottle over a wall of barrels and crates. An ECHOING SPLASH indicates an area of hidden water. Floating bottles CLINK against one another, create a surreal ambiance.

DOMINO: We best bounce outta here while we can still bounce.

TREY: Meow.

DOMINO: Oh, now I’m pussy?

TREY: Didn’t say that at all… Meow.

TREY twists through junk piles, sloshes through a foot of water. Domino follows reluctantly. As the floor slopes downward, water rises to their knees.

[SURPRISE] Something catches Domino’s cuff! Domino kicks to free himself, smashes the foe with his free foot! Domino jerks his ankle loose and with it ‑‑ a coil of barbed wire and a rusted chain.

Domino traces the chain to its source in a relatively open area of the gruesome chamber. As he tugs on the chain, something SNAPS, splashes under the water! Two more violent movements in quick succession. Domino and Trey tumble backward into the muck, train their eyes on the spot.

The water settles. Slowly, Domino traces the chain, pulls three rusted bear traps from the murky water.

DOMINO: Daaaamn!

Domino probes the water with a busted board, upsets more traps, piles them on a barrel.

TREY: What is this place?

DOMINO: One thing’s sure. Whoever put ’em here ain’t layin’ out no welcome mat.

TREY (touches a trap): Bear traps?

DOMINO: Coon traps is more like it.

A deep, sinister VOICE echoes from the darkness.

[SURPRISE]

VOICE (O.S.): They keep the mice down.

The guys jump, turn to the voice.

Strands of mold‑covered rat paws hang like a beaded curtain from rusted iron bars, provide privacy for a crude cage. Gnarly fingers push the curtain aside. Light spills into the dismal cell.

ELDRIDGE MAKEPEACE, a tall, pale, abominable old rogue with a ruggedly handsome face, wears ragged earth‑stained clothes, peers with a shrewd, prying intensity from the cell. His hair hangs in a braid below the shoulders of his soiled blouse.

A livid scar from a saber slash traverses his neck from earlobe to earlobe. A tattoo of a man hanging from a gallows adorns one sinewy arm. Another tattoo, near his shoulder, reads “A FAIR WIND.” He speaks in the antiquated vernacular of an 18th century British seaman.

MAKEPEACE: We haven’t any trouble with mice here. Mice nor rats.

Domino and Trey step from the sludge to a dry part of the floor, gaze into the cage.

TREY’S POV — Decades-old, frayed magazines and artifacts assembled from rat bones decorate the cell.

TREY: Man, whatchu doin’ in there?

MAKEPEACE: Strangers, sonny, strangers. I don’t like strangers comin’ upon me sudden like. This port’s full of the most unreliable men. Be you lads cast adrift?

DOMINO: We musta made a wrong turn.

TREY: Fuck that. We’re lost.

MAKEPEACE: Aye. Lost, indeed. Could anyone be more entirely lost than you?

Trey glances at Domino, confused by the remark.

MAKEPEACE: I reckon you and me will have to sign articles: You lads set me free, I’ll escort you out. Look see if that box of figs don’t hide the key. Across there. Against the wall. See it?

In such a horrifying setting, the prisoner’s crafty formality magnifies the mystery. Domino looks in a crate marked “FIGS.”

MAKEPEACE: Many’s a long night I dreamed of freedom and woke up again and here I were.

Kwa, the huge, tattooed, black man from the first scene, emerges from the darkness, slides a big hand around an axe handle, sneaks up behind Domino and Trey, lifts the club. It appears Makepeace has set them up, but then —

MAKEPEACE: Look out, lads!

Trey and Domino duck away from Kwa.

MAKEPEACE: Hold steady. Keep your weather-eye open, lads.

KWA: You boys would be wise to leave this place and be quick about it.

MAKEPEACE: What can he do? Summon the authorities? Charge you with trespass upon his prison?!

Kwa lifts the club. Domino trumps him, raises the Colt, cocks the hammer — arm extended, hand almost steady.

DOMINO: What’s goin’ on here?

MAKEPEACE: Yes, tell these brave buckos who’ve been so kind to come to me aid.

DOMINO: Why you got him locked up with all these traps and crap danglin’ on everything?

MAKEPEACE: Don’t wait on his tricks, mate! Cut ‘im down like that much pork. Dead men don’t bite. You hear me? Blaze away, you crawlin’ squid, or give me the gun!

Trey waits for Kwa’s move. Kwa lowers the axe handle, mouths a cigarette, searches his pockets for matches. Domino lowers the pistol.

DOMINO: Why you got him locked up?

MAKEPEACE: Don’t listen to the fat scurvy clam!

Kwa lights his cigarette, takes a leisurely drag. His deep, gravelly voice and mulish pace cast a spell.

KWA: Two hundred years ago, a ship laden with rum and firearms docked on Africa’s “Slave Coast.” Muslim slave traders provided the human cargo. A certain African name of Bol Enkay was loaded on a ship bound for America, but he didn’t fancy the prospects of life as a slave so he rallied the captives to seize the ship.

MAKEPEACE: Not the slave story, by thunder!

Kwa bangs the axe handle against the bars to silence Makepeace, but the prisoner doesn’t flinch, smiles defiantly at his jailer. These two have been at each other for years.

DOMINO: The brothers fought back?

KWA: Of 200 captives, ten survived.

TREY: What about the cats on the other end of the whips?

KWA: Slaughtered. Including the captain. They slit his throat.

Domino glances at the scar on the prisoner’s neck. Makepeace smiles, dares Domino to believe the worst.

DOMINO: It’s time to roll, dog.

TREY: Hold up, fool. Let him finish.

KWA: In their enthusiasm for freedom, our tribal brothers lost sight of two crucial facts: they were in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and not a brave warrior among them had a sliver of sailing experience.

TREY: Them cats had a problem.

KWA: Bol Enkay had an answer. He was an African obeah man.

DOMINO: Obeah what?

Kwa hesitates. Makepeace interrupts, puts an overly dramatic spin on Kwa’s story.

MAKEPEACE: Witch doctor! Feeble clam brains, he’s spewing witch doctor fibs.

TREY: The obeah guy was a witch doctor?

Kwa nods.

MAKEPEACE: If ever a trickster come to port, it’s that one there. Do you know what whopper he’ll have you swallow next, lads?

Trey glances at Domino.

MAKEPEACE: The savage stitched the captain’s wounds like so much zebra hide. And what think ye, the heathen done next? Tossed the poor captain overboard to feed the sharks? No. He summoned spirits to revive the Captain so as he could chart a course back to Africa. Would anyone but a fresh-water swab believe such rubbish?

KWA: Bol Enkay’s pleas were answered, but they were answered by <u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>evil spirits. The evil magic revived the captain, doomed him for all time to the realm of the undead.

Makepeace traipses around his cage like a zombie.

MAKEPEACE: Come now, are you lubbers so dense as to swallow this drivel?

KWA: The fiend charted a course, but not for Africa, he ran the ship aground on the American coast. The spell persists. This is the captain. Captain Eldridge Makepeace.

DOMINO: He’s dead? Been dead and locked up for 200 years?

Kwa nods.

MAKEPEACE: You can hear me, can’t you, boy? Well, surely, you know — nothin’ but flesh can talk!

KWA: You can’t kill what’s already dead. The best we can do is contain him — generation by generation.

DOMINO: You’re serious.

KWA: Dead serious. I’ve kept him locked up like my Daddy, Granddaddy, and Great Grandaddy done before me. It takes powerful voodoo.

MAKEPEACE: Well now, I’m no scholar, but you boys are lads who can read and figure, and to put it straight, do you take it as a dead man is dead for good, or do he come alive again? Do you call that a head on your shoulders, or a blessed dead eye?

TREY: Domino, these cats been rockin’ the pipe. Open the cage.

DOMINO: Then can we bounce?

Domino pushes strands of rat paws away from the lock. Makepeace returns to his fawning, sneering manner.

MAKEPEACE: That’s a good boy, I’ve taken quite a fancy to you, don’t you know.

DOMINO: “Boy”?

MAKEPEACE: Aye. I had a son of my own, as like you as two blocks, and he was all the pride of my ‘eart.

Kwa jerks Domino away from the cage.

KWA: I’ve tended this evil bastard in this dank hellhole for 40 years. I ain’t about to let a couple of slack-jawed dim-witted punks turn him loose on the world.

TREY: Well, if you don’t want this slack-jawed punk to pop a cap in your old ass, then you best let my brother go.

[SURPRISE]

Trey cocks the pistol, waits for Kwa to obey. Suddenly, a trap SNAPS in the darkness! Water SPLASHES. Someone SCREAMS.

Trey turns. Chico and Flip pry the trap from Pete’s ankle. Trey hides the Colt in his pants, covers the bulge with his shirt. Gar emerges from the sludge, pistol drawn.

GAR: What the fuck this is, a giant rat trap?

MAKEPEACE: Dear, deary me, that’s a nasty gash. But not so bad as ye can’t save the knee. Still, ’tis a shame to trade a leg for a peg. And him such a strong young bucko. His whole life ahead of ‘im. It’s a pleasant thing to be young and have ten toes, and you may lay to that.

Makepeace’s antiquated accent bewilders Gar.

GAR: Who the fuck you is, English faggot motherfucker?

MAKEPEACE: I’ll grant I never had a pious mother, but there’s no call for slurs.

GAR: You one of them freaky white boys, ain’t you? S&M, bondage, and shit. You like to give it up, old man?

MAKEPEACE: I’ve been high and low, my friend, broad and wide, far and near; I’ve lived so rough as you’d be ashamed to hear of, but fear me not for I have yet to “give it up.”

Gar chuckles, shakes his head in disbelief.

CHICO: Come on, Gar. Pete needs a doctor.

FLIP: He’s right. Somethin’s fucked up, dog. Let’s get d’fuck outta here.

GAR: Since when do you give the orders, niggah?

MAKEPEACE: That’s right, sonny, don’t abide their frippery. The best thing for boys is discipline. Now, had your mates sailed with me, they wouldn’t have to be spoke to twice. That was never my way. Nor the way of such as sailed with me.

GAR: What you yakkin’ about now, caged-up monkey-ass motherfucker?

MAKEPEACE: How many savage lads, think ye, have I seen drying in the sun from the executioner’s rope? And all for lack of discipline. I seen a thing or two, I have. But you won’t listen! I know you. You like a bit o’ fun. You’ll take your jolly fling, a mouthful of rum, and go hang.

GAR: You hear that? He thinks you savage motherfuckers ain’t got discipline.

MAKEPEACE: Aye. Mine was the roughest crew afloat; the Devil himself would have feared to go to sea with them. Lambs wasn’t the word for my old crew. Some was feared of my boatswain, Will, and some was feared of the first mate, Blue; but Blue his own self was feared of me.

Gar studies Makepeace, and tries to make sense of a man who refuses to fear him.

GAR: You yak too much, motherfucker.

Calm and steady, Makepeace speaks so that all can hear.

MAKEPEACE: I see you ride well-provided. Do you possess the fortitude to use your weapons — motherfucker?

A battle of glares. Slowly, deliberately, Gar aims his Glock automatic at Makepeace.

MAKEPEACE: Hardly good sport — might as well shoot fish in a barrel as fire upon a man in a cage.

Gar eyes Makepeace, then blasts the cell’s lock.

MAKEPEACE: Aye, let’s clear the decks for pleasant action.

KWA: No!

Kwa rushes at Gar. Gar fires. Kwa pitches over, gasps for air. His face contorts in pain. Trey tends him. Gar tears the rat-paw curtain from the cell. The brighter light reveals the gallery of lynchings.

KWA: Look.

TREY’S POV — Decayed rats dangle from nooses. Pinned to the rats — photos of black leaders — Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Walker Jones, and Patricia Hamilton.

Trey glances from the horrific sight to the dying old man. Kwa grits his teeth, gasps for breath, coughs blood.

KWA: Stop him. For God’s sake, stop him.

Gar swings the cell door open, aims his pistol.

GAR: A’right old man, I’m gon’ count three. If my dark brown ass gets past two and a half without hearin’ some serious beggin’, you assed out. One… two…

MAKEPEACE: If you don’t put that pistol this instant in your pocket, the world will soon be rid of one very dirty scoundrel. And you may lay to that, sonny.

GAR: Three.

Gar fires, but the shot hardly fazes Makepeace. He twists Gar’s wrist, forces the pistol while still in Gar’s grip to the gang leader’s head.

MAKEPEACE: Die knowing it’s by your hand, by your unbridled hate that I am free! (gleefully formal) Any last words?

Gar trembles, fears for his life, but remains defiant.

GAR: Eat shit, motherfucker.

[SHOCK]

Makepeace’s finger closes down on Gar’s trigger finger. Gar struggles but can’t match the older man’s strength. BANG! Point-blank in the head. Gar pitches over.

[SHOCK]

The gangbangers open fire on Makepeace. Their bullets hardly phase the Captain. Pete squanders his ammunition. Makepeace executes Pete with cold dispatch, shoots Chico in the chest.

[SUSPENSE]

Domino and Trey bolt for the ladder. Makepeace fires several rounds into Flip. He topples over, dead. Trey sprints through the sludge ahead of Domino. SNAP! A trap closes on Domino’s leg.

DOMINO: Trey!

TREY: Hold on, bro, I gotcha! HOLD ON!

Trey crouches to pry the trap from his brother’s leg. A bullet SLAMS into Domino’s back! Domino slumps to his knees, coughs blood. Trey holds his brother, keeps him above the water.

TREY: NOOO!

Domino presses the Colt into Trey’s hand. Trey glances from Domino’s panicked eyes to the pistol, then across the room.

TREY’S POV — Several yards across the sub-basement, Makepeace takes aim at Trey, but Domino remains directly between them.

Trey struggles to drag Domino behind a crate. Makepeace fires. Another bullet smashes into Domino. Trey carries his brother to cover, applies pressure to the wounds.

TREY: Don’t die, bro, don’t die.

[SHOCK]

A lifetime of surviving inner city streets comes to this. Domino dies in Trey’s arms. Trey breaks down, tries desperately to revive Domino’s limp body. In an instant, Trey loses his brother, gains the sole responsibility to stop Makepeace. But before Trey can shoulder that burden, he tackles the most primal of all challenges –- survival.

Makepeace sloshes through the water toward Trey’s position. Trey empties the gun on Makepeace.

TREY’S POV — As the smoke clears, Makepeace aims, fires.

Trey flees through the sludge, scrambles up the ladder. Bullets splinter rungs below Trey’s feet as he disappears up the shaft. Gar’s pistol CLICKS empty. Makepeace tosses it into the sludge, jerks Kwa up by the collar.

MAKEPEACE: I know you hear for death cannot veil the certainty of my words. The world is ripe. My time has come!

Makepeace gathers the photos depicting his assassination fantasies, steps over Kwa’s lifeless body, wades through sludge after Trey.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s Level 1 Action Emotions.

Doing this assignment, I learned to consciously consider the emotions of the audience in outline and scene writing decisions.

Anxiety: Trey, a gutsy inner-city youth, pursues a baseball into the outfield. Unfortunately, the ball rolls to a stop at the feet of several neighborhood gangbangers. The gangsters tell Trey to get lost. Trey defies the leader, snatches the ball and throws home for the out.

Fear: The gangsters draw weapons. Trey flees with his brother Domino. They sprint away dodging bullets through dense traffic. The gangsters fire at every open shot. Trey and Domino turn down an alley, trying various tenement doors. One opens. They sprint down the stairs into a basement.

Relief: From a basement window, the brothers see that the gangsters hustle down the alley past their hiding place in the dismal tenement.

SCENE:

EXT. SANDLOT BASEBALL FIELD ‑ DAY

Young BLACK MEN and TEENS play baseball on a paved ghetto playground. A battered brick wall serves as the backstop. Trey, an athletic and gutsy youth, plays leftfield, hides his flask with his baseball glove, takes a swig. LEDREW, the shortstop, carries the ball to Domino on the mound.

LEDREW: Good thing he didn’t pull it down the line.

Ledrew gestures, “Check it out.”

DOMINO’S POV — GAR, a dope dealer, and three gang associates, FLIP, CHICO, and PETE, conduct business where the foul line meets the street.

A STOUT KID approaches the plate, eyes the defense.

DOMINO: A’ight y’all, one more out and the fat lady sings! Yo Aaron Judge wannabe, step up, fool, take a swing.

The stout kid taps the plate. Domino adjusts his cap, fires the ball. The stout kid smashes a drive down the line.

Trey appears ready to catch it, but he wobbles on intoxicated legs. The ball barely clears his glove, rolls over a discarded “Hamilton for President” placard, stops near Gar, Flip, Chico, and Pete.

Trey glances from the ball at Gar’s feet to the runners circling the bases.

TREY: Let me throw it, bro, I can still nail him.

The dope man chuckles at Trey’s bravado. Trey returns the smile, bends for the ball. Gar steps on it.

GAR: You lose.

Trey drives a shoulder into Gar’s gut, topples the dealer.

Chico and Pete charge Trey from behind. Trey turns, hurls the ball; the gangbangers duck to avoid decapitation.

The ball flies toward home. The CATCHER braces himself for a play. Gar pulls a pistol, fires at Trey. A close play becomes a dash for survival. Players sprint off the field as the ball crosses the plate. Domino joins Trey as he cuts behind a brownstone, Gar and his gang in pursuit.

EXT. STREET/ALLEY ‑ DAY

Domino hurdles trash cans. Trey slams into BAG LADY, tumbles into the alley. The gang stampedes after them, firing as they pursue. Domino and Trey sprint around a corner. Trey heaves a brick through a window. They climb inside a ramshackle tenement.

INT. KITCHEN ‑ DAY

Domino hides below the kitchen window, quiets his breathing. Trey searches cabinets and drawers, discovers oddly carved, ivory-handled silverware. In the next drawer, he finds a Colt .45 pistol, slaps the cylinder open — loaded!

TREY: Hell yeah! We ready now!

Domino peeks out the window. The gangbangers sprint by.

Trey spins the pistol like a gunslinger, almost drops it.

DOMINO: Yo, Clint Eastwood wannabe, you best gimme that thing ‘fore you bust a cap in your foot.

Domino takes the pistol from Trey, secures it under his shirt.

DOMINO: Man, you picked the wrong brother to piss off.

TREY: Don’t worry. I’ll talk to them cats, calm ’em down ‘fore they act a fool.

DOMINO: You can’t talk sense to those cats.

Footfalls and muffled voices indicate the gang prowls the alley. Suddenly, gun fire RINGS out! The gangbangers sprint toward the sound and away from tenement in which Trey and Domino hide. Trey ducks behind a tarp which hangs on a wall. Domino joins him, draws the pistol.

Domino notices they lean against a massive door fortified with wrought iron. A bone‑white leopard skull contrasts dark splintered wood. A carved Congo tribesman talisman dangles on a strand of zebra skin from the cat’s fangs. And if you haven’t realized it, Trey and Domino picked the wrong house to hide in — Kwa’s house. Domino examines the talisman.

TREY: Dayum! What kinda freaky voodoo shit they rockin’ up in this bitch?

Domino lifts the enormous fortification timber.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s 5 Favorite Twists!

Doing this assignment, I learned that twists build audience engagement because they create surprise, suspense, intrigue, and enjoyment.

FIVE favorite twists listed as Setup/Twist:

1. New Threat: A vicious crew of gangbangers chase Trey, a gutsy inner-city youth, for the innocent offense of retrieving a baseball that rolled too close to the gangsters. The lethal bullies pursue Trey to exact a devastating punishment. When Trey hides in a ghoulish sub-basement of a ghetto tenement, he discovers an extreme oddity – Eldgidge Makepeace, a robust older man who speaks in an antiquated British accent, locked in a crude cell-sized cage.

Unexpected Support: When the gang thugs suddenly arrive to kill Trey, Makepeace insults the ruthless mob leader. The ruthless killers enter the cell to teach Makepeace a lesson. But their trusted automatics are powerless against him! The ruthless bullies have freed a more powerful ruthless bully! Makepeace kills all of the gangsters, facilitating Trey’s escape.

2. REVERSAL: When Makepeace terminates the gangbangers, he saves the lives of Trey and his brother Domino.

REVERSE THE REVERSAL: After slaughtering the gangbangers, Makepeace immediately turns the gang’s weapons on Trey and his brother Domino, killing Domino! Trey alone survives the massacre in the sub-basement. Trey alone must deal with the terror that is Makepeace.

3. Identity Exposed: In Kwa’s “Undead Slave Trader” story, we find out that ELDRIDGE MAKEPEACE is an 18th century slave ship captain doomed to the realm of the undead after being killed then cursed by an African shaman whom he sought to enslave. Makepeace can’t be killed because he is already dead.

4. It Just Got Better: Trey and Joe use their weapons well. The bullets can’t kill Makepeace, but they slow him down.

It Just Got Worse: A neighbor videos Trey and Joe blasting Makepeace with automatic weapons until he falls out of sight behind a dumpster. The video goes viral and soon Trey and Joe are wanted by the police for murder. They can’t seek help from the authorities.

5. BETRAYAL: Joe quits on Trey, choosing to live his own life rather than helping Trey to stop Makepeace from assassinating black leaders.

SURPRISING ALLIANCE: After Makepeace assassinates revered leader Walker Jones, the villain hunts Trey down and closes in for the kill. Joe returns at the last second to save Trey from certain death. The unlikely allies flee together from the immortal fiend.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward’s Likability/Empathy/Justification.

What I learned doing this assignment is that I had several of these elements in my previously submitted structure/plot/outline, but I did brainstorm a few new ideas, or more effective ways to handle existing material related to Likability/Empathy/Justification.

1. Brainstorm answers to Likability/Empathy / Distress/Justified for your Hero.

LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY:

A. Other people like or respect the character.

B. The character shows love for something.

C. They’re trying to do something good.

D. Save the cat — rescue or do something good for someone else.

E. Funny, humorous, witty.

F. Kindness.

G. Good moral decisions and actions. Being on the right side.

Trey’s brother loves his brother and shows it by trying to guide him in his attitudes about life and people. After learning more about Trey, a very skeptical survivalist shows him respect, and assists Trey in stealing weapons from his group.

Trey shows love for his brother, and respect for Politician Patricia Hamilton.

Trey makes it his mission to save Patricia Hamilton from an assassin she is completely unaware is hunting her.

Trey risks his life to save his brother’s life, but Domino dies in Trey’s arms. Trey saves a cop from Makepeace. Trey rescues Hamilton from Makepeace’s attempts to assassinate her.

Discussions between Trey and Domino are frequently humorous. Banter between Trey and Joe are often witty. Some situations with the police make Trey the butt of humor. He goes with it.

Trey saves a wounded cop from Makepeace.

Trey decides to avenge his brother’s murder, and to save Hamilton from the evil immortal racist Makepeace. He repeatedly risks his life to take action to do both.

EMPATHY / DISTRESS

A. Undeserved misfortune.

B. External Character conflicts.

C. Plot intruding on life.

D. Moral dilemmas.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make.

F. Wounded or attacked.

Trey doesn’t deserve to be hunted by gangbangers for making a play in a baseball game that offended their egotistic sensibilities. Trey doesn’t deserve to be hunted by Makepeace, the police, or the surviving gang members.

Trey has major conflicts with Makepeace, the gangbangers, and initially with Joe whom he later befriends.

When Makepeace escapes his imprisonment, he hunts Trey forcing Trey to completely restructure his life.

Trey needs help to destroy Makepeace, and Joe appears to be his only option, but should Trey trust Joe, a guy who initially constrained him and threatened to turn him into the police.

Virtually all of Trey’s decisions to escalate the battle with Makepeace are forced on him by Makepeace or the gangbangers.

Everybody attacks Trey: the gangbangers, Makepeace, even Joe initially roughs Trey up.

JUSTIFICATION

A. The character or their family was abused.

B. Threatened by others.

C. The Hero is the victim of attacks.

D. They’ve suffered major losses.

E. The Villain or their representatives have trespassed.

Gangbangers abuse Trey and his brother. Makepeace kills Domino (Trey’s brother), and abuses Trey.

Makepeace, the gangbangers, a few cops, and Joe threaten Trey.

Trey (the Hero) is unjustly attacked by gangbangers, repeatedly by Makepeace, and once by Joe who later becomes Trey’s ally.

Trey lost his brother when Makepeace killed him. Trey blames himself and suffers because he failed to stop Makepeace from killing revered leader Walker Jones.

Makepeace kills Trey’s brother, kills a respected civil rights leader, and attempts to assassinate a revered presidential candidate. The gangbangers attempt to murder Trey and his brother.

[John Woodward]

Subject line: John Woodward’s Story Map.

What I learned doing this assignment is that I described many of the same events with different language depending on the point of view – hero, villain, action.

Inciting Incident

A1. GANGBANGERS CHASE TREY & DOMINO. An innocent play in a ghetto baseball game pisses off a vicious crew of gangbangers. They ruthless gangsters chase Trey, a gutsy athletic youth, and his brother Domino through the dismal ghetto.

M3. First Action: Trey and his brother flee from local ghetto gangbangers.

M4. Obstacle: The ruthless gangbangers.

M5. Escalation: Desperate to hide from the murderous pursuers, Trey and his brother scramble into the creepy sub-basement of a dilapidated tenement.

V1. PLOTTING: From behind the rusted iron bars of a crude cage, Makepeace fantasizes about his plans to assassinate black leaders. Gnarly white fingers flip through a news magazine circa 1968 to a tattered photo of Walker Jones, a distinguished black civil rights leader. A razor blade carves the photo from the page. Fingers plunge a rusty pin through Jones’ smiling face and into the rat.

Several dead rats dangle from string nooses tied to the iron bars in a gallery of lynchings. Pinned to the rats: photos of black civil rights leaders, including popular presidential candidate Patricia Hamilton, America’s best hope for turning back a rising tide of racial conflict. Clearly, Hamilton is the ultimate target of his hate.

The brothers have inadvertantly gone from the frying pan to the fire as they enter the horribly twisted world of Captain Eldridge Makepeace, abominable old rogue, doomed to the realm of the undead after being killed and cursed by an African obeah doctor he sought to enslave. Compounding the mystery, the old-timer speaks in an antiquated British accent, wears his tarry pigtail long in the 18th century style. Imprisoned behind the rusted iron bars of the gruesome cage, MAKEPEACE peers at the boys. After a brief conversation, Trey learns Makepeace intends to assassinate Hamilton. And suddenly, the gangbangers discover the brothers.

TO ESCAPE IMPRISONMENT from the crude cage, MAKEPEACE EMPLOYS TRICKERY and EXTREME violence.

When the pale prisoner goads the gang members with insults, the gangsters resolve to teach him some manners. As they enter the cell to attack Makepeace, they unknowingly remove the sacred talismans that keep Makepeace weak and imprisoned. The vile gangsters soon learn that their trusted automatics are powerless against him! The fiend effectively turns the gangbangers’ weapons against them. As Makepeace slaughters all the gangbangers who forced Trey and his brother to hide in the tenement sub-basement. As Makepeace finishes off the gang, Trey and Domino flee! A second before the boys make a clean getaway, Makepeace shoots Trey’s brother in the back. Domino dies in Trey’s arms. Trey, alone, escapes from the sub-basement. Trey, alone, discovers the captain’s plan to assassinate America’s foremost black leaders culminating with Patricia Hamilton! Makepeace thrusts upon Trey the impossible mission of avenging his brother’s murder and saving Hamilton.

A2. Makepeace realizes he must destroy Trey before he rallies forces to thwart his assassination plan. When the news of the massacre gets back to the gang’s surviving members, they assume Trey killed their homies and begin to hunt him.

M1. Motivation: Avenge his brother’s murder and survive the villain’s attempts to kill him. Trey blames himself for his brother’s murder because Domino did not want to descend into the sub-basement to hide from the gangbangers. External motivation – Trey wants to prevent Makepeace from assassinating Hamilton and other civil rights leaders.

M2. Inciting Incident: Trey (hero) has the mission forced on him by the acts of Makepeace (the Villain).

M3. Overwhelming Odds: Makepeace is an immortal racist with supernatural strength who can’t be killed with weapons because he’s already dead. Trey discovers that although powerful weapons can’t kill Makepeace, they can slow him down.

V3. MAKEPEACE PLOTS HIS MISSION FROM THE CRUDE CAGE. ELDRIDGE MAKEPEACE, a tall, pale, abominable old rogue with a ruggedly handsome face, wears ragged earth-stained clothes, peers with a shrewd, prying intensity from the cell. His hair hangs in a braid below the shoulders of his soiled blouse. A livid scar from a saber slash traverses his neck from earlobe to earlobe. A tattoo of a sailor swinging on a rope by the neck adorns one sinewy arm. Another tattoo, near his shoulder, reads “A FAIR WIND.” He speaks in the antiquated vernacular of an 18th century British seaman. Strands of mold-covered rat paws hang like a beaded curtain from rusted iron bars, providing privacy for the crude cage. Gnarly fingers push the curtain aside. Light spills into the dismal cell.

V5. Trey learns of Makepeace’s plan to assassinate black leaders. Trey alone escapes from the sub-basement. Makepeace realizes he must destroy Trey before he rallies forces to thwart his plan.

V6. MAKEPEACE KILLS TREY’S BROTHER. Trey blames himself for his brother’s murder because the brother did not want to descend into the sub-basement in order to hide from the ganbangers. It motivates Trey to kill Makepeace and avenge his brother’s murder. It motivates Makepeace to kill Trey before he can attain revenge.

V7. MAKEPEACE KILLS GANGBANGERS. Makepeace escapes and kills all the ganbangers who chased Trey and caused him to hide in the tenement sub-basement. The living members of the gang assume that Trey killed their homies. They hunt Trey.

V8. MAKEPEACE KILLS the shaman KWA who has kept him imprisoned.

First Turning Point at end of Act 1

A5. MAKEPEACE CHASES TREY thru the ghetto. The chase forces Trey into a tough adjacent neighborhood. Joe, a world-weary construction foreman, discovers TREY breaking into his house and holds him at gunpoint for the police. Makepeace arrives first. Trey and Joe fight Makepeace then flee together.

A6. Neighbor videos TREY and JOE as they appear to murder an elderly white man who is actually the monster Makepeace. The video goes viral on the internet and makes the national news. The police, the gangbangers and Makepeace hunt Trey and Joe. Makepeace continues to pursue the unlikely allies. Joe removes himself from the fight to save the targeted civil rights leaders.

V9. MAKEPEACE CHASES TREY thru the ghetto. The chase forces Trey into a tough adjacent neighborhood. Joe, a world-weary construction foreman, discovers TREY breaking into his house and holds him at gunpoint for the police. Makepeace arrives first. Trey and Joe fight him then flee together.

V10. A neighbor uses his smartphone to video TREY and JOE appearing to murder the monster Makepeace. The video is played on the news and the internet. Trey and Joe are hunted by the police. Makepeace continues to pursue the unlikely allies. Now, Trey and Joe are wanted for murder by the police so they can’t go to the police for assistance.

M7. New Plan: Trey seeks help with weapons and tactics from a less-than-tolerant garden variety survivalist who sees Trey as big trouble. Trey must convince the survivalist that Makepeace is for real, and that Trey is not just another neighborhood grifter running a BS scam.

Mid-Point

A7. MAKEPEACE assassinates revered civil rights leader Walker Jones. The atmosphere in the city becomes increasingly chaotic and violent. Joe returns to help Trey after realizing he failed to believe Trey’s story and now Walker Jones is dead.

A8. Trey attacks MAKEPEACE with a bow and arrow. AS POLICE ARREST TREY, MAKEPEACE arrives and kills them. The undead monster realizes that Trey is resourcefully seeking weapons that can slow him down. And therefore, Makepeace doubles his effort to kill Trey.

V11. MAKEPEACE assassinates revered civil rights leader Walker Jones. Trey and Joe realize the urgency of their mission. The atmosphere in the city becomes increasingly chaotic and violent. Joe returns to help Try after realizing he failed to believe Try’s story and now Walker Jones is dead. The unlikely allies are now stuck with each other and will grow to rely on each other.

V12. MAKEPEACE endures a bow and arrow attack by Trey. The undead monster realizes that Trey is resourcefully seeking weapons that can slow him down. And therefore, Makepeace doubles his effort to kill Trey.

V13. AS POLICE ARREST TREY, MAKEPEACE arrives and kills them. At the last second, Joe arrives to save Trey. Makepeace endures Joe’s attack with more powerful firearms. Another intense gun battle and chase ensues.

Second Turning Point at end of Act 2

A9. MAKEPEACE initiates his hunt for Presidential candidate Patricia Hamilton. Knowing Trey and Joe are in pursuit, Makepeace accelerates his mission to assassinate Hamilton. Makepeace endures Joe’s attack with more powerful firearms. Another intense gun battle and chase ensues. Makepeace follows Hamilton as her campaign moves from New York to Delaware. Based on news reports for Hamilton’s next campaign stop, Trey and Joe try to get Makepeace before he gets Hamilton.

A10. MAKEPEACE steals a car to pursue Trey and Joe. Gun battle ensues during an intense car chase on the open highway. Trey fires a bazooka that destroys the undead slave trader’s Cadillac. But once again the immortal villain emerges from the fiery crash damaged but not destroyed.

V14. MAKEPEACE initiates his hunt for Presidential candidate Patricia Hamilton. Knowing Trey and Joe are in pursuit, Makepeace accelerates his mission to assassinate Hamilton. Makepeace follows Hamilton as her campaign moves from New York to Delaware. Based on news reports for Hamilton’s next campaign stop, Trey and Joe try to get Makepeace before he gets Hamilton.

V15. MAKEPEACE steals a car to pursue Trey and Joe. Gun battle ensues during an intense car chase on the open highway. Trey fires a bazooka that d estroys the undead slave trader’s Cadillac. But once again he emerges from the fiery crash damaged but not destroyed.

V16. MAKEPEACE battles the unlikely duo on a claustrophobic ferry ride across Delaware bay.

V17. MAKEPEACE appeals to Joe, white man to white man, in order to convince him to betray Trey.

Crisis

A11. MAKEPEACE battles the unlikely duo on a claustrophobic ferry ride across Delaware bay.

A12. MAKEPEACE tracks Hamilton to a rural hunting-lodge style hotel that she uses to rest up for a campaign appearance. Makepeace battles then kills a dozen secret service agents on his way to Hamilton’s room. Hamilton resourcefully defends herself long enough for Trey and Joe to join the battle with the immortal villain. Trey and Joe help to rescue her for the time being.

V18. MAKEPEACE tracks Hamilton to a rural hunting-lodge style hotel she uses for the campaign stop. Makepeace battles then kills a dozen secret service agents on his way to Hamilton’s room. Makepeace Hamilton resourcefully defends herself long enough for Trey and Joe to join the battle with the immortal villain.

Climax

M9. Success: Trey retrieves the sacred talismans and uses them to weaken and re-imprison Makepeace.

M8. Full out Attack: Trey and the survivalist battle Makepeace with bullets as they seek to save Hamilton. Makepeace kills the survivalist who put his life on the line to help Trey save Hamilton.

A13. The climactic BATTLE continues from the hotel to an industrial area of the waterfront. Joe appears to be trapped in a boat as it sinks offshore. Makepeace pursues Trey and Hamilton. Eventually Joe re-enters the battle. A commercial speargun (used to hunt whales) slams threw Makepeace and pins him to a huge wooden dock pilon. Not dead, but not free, Makepeace curses the pair as they transport him to his final resting place. Or is it?

V19. A climactic BATTLE continues from the hotel to an industrial area of the waterfront. Joe appears to be trapped in a boat as it sinks offshore. Makepeace pursues Trey and Hamilton. Eventually Joe re-enters the battle. A commercial speargun (used to hunt whales) slams through Makepeace and pins him to a huge wooden dock pilon. Not dead, but not free, Makepeace curses the pair as they transport him to his final resting place. Or is it?

Resolution

Hamilton wins Delaware primary. Still harpooned to the dock post, Makepeace curses Trey and Joe as they drop him into an enormous pilon for a gigantic skyscraper near the Statue of liberty. Joe positions his massive cement truck, dumps concrete atop the treacherous fiend. The fiend is not dead, but he may as well be.

[John Woodward]

Subject line: John Woodward’s Action Structure!

What I learned doing this assignment is that my action track, villain track, and mission track fit nicely into the 3-Act structure.

3-Act structure for the story.

Opening

An innocent play in a baseball game pisses off a ruthless crew of gangbangers. They chase Trey, a gutsy athletic youth, and his brother Domino through the ghetto. The brothers hide in the creepy sub-basement of a dilapidated tenement, and discover ELDRIDGE MAKEPEACE, a pale, abominable old rogue imprisoned behind the rusty iron bars of a decrepit crude cage.

Inciting Incident

When the gangbangers arrive to kill Trey and his brother, MAKEPEACE EMPLOYS TRICKERY and EXTREME violence to slaughter the GANGBANGERS. Trey and his brother see that the gang’s weapons are powerless against the undead demon. The brothers flee as Makepeace murders the last of the gangsters. As soon as Makepeace escapes IMPRISONMENT from the crude cage, he kills Trey’s brother Domino. Trey alone realizes that Makepeace is an 18th century slave trader doomed to the realm of the undead after being killed and cursed by an African obeah doctor he sought to enslave. Trey alone escapes from the sub-basement. Trey alone knows the slave trader’s plan to assassinate black leaders. Makepeace realizes he must destroy Trey before he rallies to thwart his dark obsession. Trey blames himself for his brother’s murder because Domino did not want to descend into the sub-basement in order to hide from the gangbangers. It motivates Trey to destroy Makepeace and avenge his brother’s murder. It motivates Makepeace to kill Trey before he can attain revenge. The gang’s survivors assume that Trey killed their homies and begin to hunt him.

First Turning Point at end of Act 1

MAKEPEACE CHASES TREY thru the ghetto. The chase forces Trey into a tough adjacent neighborhood. Joe, a world-weary construction foreman and survivalist, discovers TREY breaking into his house and holds him at gunpoint for the police. Makepeace arrives first. Trey and Joe fight him then flee together. A neighbor videos TREY and JOE as they appear to murder an elderly white man who is actually the monster Makepeace. The video goes viral on the internet and makes the national news. Now, Trey and Joe are wanted for murder by the police so they can’t go to the police for assistance, which makes the mission even more impossible. This is a major twist in the story and a “point of no return.” As Makepeace continues to pursue the unlikely allies, Joe bails from the fight to save the targeted civil rights leaders. When Joe abandons Trey, the youngster is once again alone in the battle against Makepeace. From this point on, Trey can’t go back as he faces an increasingly impossible mission: the police, the gangbangers, and Makepeace all hunt Trey. Will Trey and Joe reunite as unlikely allies in a fight against an immortal racist? Will circumstances force an alliance that makes them rely on each other to fight the menace? They must decide – will they risk their lives for the greater good of the country. Will they accept their unique situations as the only soldiers in a fight against evil? Welcome to Act 2! The Hero must confront the main conflict of this story.

Mid-Point

MAKEPEACE assassinates revered civil rights leader Walker Jones. After realizing he failed to believe Trey’s story and now Walker Jones has been murdered, Joe decides to return to the battle. Just as Makepeace finally has Trey at his mercy, Joe dramatically re-enters the battle to rescue Trey from Makepeace at the very last second. This cements the growing friendship and partnership between Trey and Joe. The unlikely allies are now stuck with each other and will grow to rely on each other. A monster is successfully assassinating beloved statesmen and national leaders. The atmosphere in the country becomes increasingly chaotic and violent. The journey is the same, but the purpose, meaning, and urgency of their mission has intensified exponentially. Trey and Joe realize the urgency and danger yet commit to their mission in the face of impossible odds.

Second Turning Point at end of Act 2

Trey feels defeated at this point. MAKEPEACE initiates his hunt for Presidential candidate Patricia Hamilton. Knowing Trey and Joe are in pursuit, Makepeace accelerates his mission to assassinate Hamilton. Makepeace endures Joe’s attack with more powerful firearms. Another intense gun battle and chase ensues. Makepeace follows Hamilton as her campaign moves from New York to Delaware. Based on news reports for Hamilton’s next campaign stop, Trey and Joe try to get Makepeace before he gets Hamilton. Once Hamilton is in jeopardy from Makepeace, the stakes are elevated for America, Trey, Joe, and the audience. MAKEPEACE steals a car to pursue Trey and Joe. Gun battle ensues during an intense car chase on the open highway. Trey fires a bazooka that destroys the undead slave trader’s Cadillac. But once again the immortal villain emerges from the fiery crash damaged, but not destroyed. Trey’s plan has completely failed again. It looks like there is little hope because Makepeace is an enemy that cannot be killed even by the extremely powerful weapons like a bazooka.

Crisis

MAKEPEACE battles the unlikely duo on a claustrophobic ferry ride across Delaware bay, an environment with little chance for escape. MAKEPEACE appeals to Joe, white man to white man, in order to convince him to betray Trey. WIll he? MAKEPEACE tracks Hamilton to a rural hunting-lodge style hotel that she uses to rest up for a campaign appearance. Makepeace battles then kills a dozen secret service agents on his way to Hamilton’s room. Patricia Hamilton is a person willing to physically fight her attacker. She resourcefully defends herself long enough for Trey and Joe to join the battle with the immortal villain. Trey and Joe help to rescue her for the time being. The stakes rapidly increase for Trey, Joe, Hamilton, and the country. Increases stakes.

Climax

The climactic BATTLE continues from the hotel to an industrial waterfront. Joe appears to be trapped in a boat as it sinks offshore. Makepeace pursues Trey and Hamilton. Eventually Joe re-enters the battle. A commercial speargun (used to hunt whales) slams through Makepeace and pins him to a huge wooden dock pilon. Not dead, but not free, Makepeace curses the pair as they transport him to his final resting place.

Resolution

Hamilton wins Delaware primary. Still harpooned to the dock post, Makepeace curses Trey and Joe as they drop him into an enormous pilon for a gigantic skyscraper near the Statue of liberty. Joe positions his massive cement truck, dumps concrete atop the treacherous fiend. He’s not dead, but he may as well be.

[John Woodward]

Subject line: John Woodward’s Action Track!

What I learned doing this assignment is to avoid judging while brainstorming.

1. Answer the Action Questions:

A. Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up in this movie?

Chase/Pursuit, Fights, pistol and rifle battles, Rescue, Escape/Evade, Dangerous Situations, Interrogation, extreme weapon battles, car chases, battles aboard ferry, villian must battle the hero, police, FBI, and secret service.

B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track?

Battles with unusual weapons and tactics necessary for this specific undead villain.

C. How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a climax in the 3rd Act?

Act 1. Initially the hero battles the villian with traditional weapons and tactics. These weapons and tactics have little effect on the undead racist fiend.

Act 2. Hero is forced to brainstorm the use of a variety of unusual weapons, which he resourcefully employs.

Act 3. Hero’s resourcefulness leads to the use of increasingly violent and inventive weapons. The final showdown requires unique weapons and tactics.

2. Select the types of action you’ll use.

Chase/Pursuit, Fights, rescues, pistol and rifle battles, Escape/Evade, Dangerous Situations, Interrogation, battles with extreme weapons, car chases, battles aboard a ferry, increasingly violent and inventive weapons with unique weapons and tactics, villian must battle the hero, police, FBI, and secret service.

3. Sequence the action scenes to deliver your story. Give us your list of action scenes and the purpose of each scene.

1. GANGBANGERS CHASE TREY & DOMINO

Purpose: It endears the hero to the audience based on his need to fight gangbangers during utterly innocent daily activities. Shows relationship between Trey and his brother Domino. Shows how much Trey relies on his brother for leadership, guidance, and advice. Audience appreciates that the two brothers rely on each other. Insight into Trey’s environment . Gang leader wants Trey dead. Why? Shows the stakes for Trey.

2. TO ESCAPE IMPRISONMENT from the crude cage, MAKEPEACE EMPLOYS TRICKERY and EXTREME violence as he slaughters GANGBANGERS. Makepeace escapes and kills all the gangbangers who chased Trey and his brother, and forced them to hide in the tenement sub-basement. Villain effectively turns the gangbangers’ weapons against them. Makepeace realizes he must destroy Trey before he rallies forces to thwart his assassination plan. The gang’s survivors assume thatTrey killed their homies, and begin to hunt him.

Purpose: Hero against Villain. Trey up against an undead immortal assassin with the evil intentions of an extreme racist. Increases stakes. Exciting fight with gun battles. Establishes Villain Makepeace as a clever, devious, ruthless villain who is willing to kill to achieve his goals. Trey’s mission becomes more impossible because he is now hunted by both Makepeace and the surviving gangbangers. Trey learns that Makepeace plans to assassinate black leaders, but will he step up to the challenge and effectively prevent the monster’s mission.

3. MAKEPEACE KILLS TREY’S BROTHER. Trey alone escapes from the sub-basement. He blames himself for his brother’s murder because the brother did not want to descend into the sub-basement in order to hide from the ganbangers.

Purpose: It motivates Trey to kill Makepeace and avenge his brother’s murder. It motivates Makepeace to kill Trey before he can attain revenge.

4. MAKEPEACE KILLS the shaman KWA who has kept him imprisoned.

Purpose: Once Kwa is dead, nobody knows how to fight the immortal assassin. It forces Trey to discover the secret of an effective kryptonite for Makepeace.

5. MAKEPEACE CHASES TREY thru the ghetto. The chase forces Trey into a tough adjacent neighborhood. Joe, a world-weary construction foreman, discovers TREY breaking into his house and holds him at gunpoint for the police. Makepeace arrives first. Trey and Joe fight Makepeace then flee together.

Purpose: Trey and Joe are unlikely allies in a fight against an immortal racist. Their forced alliance makes them rely on each other to fight the menace. They must decide if they will risk their lives for the greater good of the country. Will they accept their unique situations as the only soldiers in a fight against evil?

6. Neighbor videos TREY and JOE as they appear to murder an elderly white man who is actually the monster Makepeace. The video goes viral on the internet and makes the national news. The police, the gangbangers and Makepeace hunt Trey and Joe. Makepeace continues to pursue the unlikely allies. Joe removes himself from the fight to save the targeted civil rights leaders.

Purpose: Trey and Joe are wanted for murder by the police so they can’t go to the police for assistance, which makes their mission even more impossible. When Joe abandons Trey, the youngster is once again alone in the battle against Makepeace.

7. MAKEPEACE assassinates revered civil rights leader Walker Jones. The atmosphere in the city becomes increasingly chaotic and violent. Joe returns to help Trey after realizing he failed to believe Trey’s story and now Walker Jones is dead.

PURPOSE: The unlikely allies are now stuck with each other and will grow to rely on each other. Trey and Joe realize the urgency of their mission.

8. Trey attacks MAKEPEACE with a bow and arrow. AS POLICE ARREST TREY, MAKEPEACE arrives and kills them. The undead monster realizes that Trey is resourcefully seeking weapons that can slow him down. And therefore, Makepeace doubles his effort to kill Trey.

PURPOSE: When Makepeace finally has Trey at his mercy, Joe dramatically re-enters the battle to rescue Trey from Makepeace at the very last second. This cements the growing friendship and partnership between Trey and Joe.

9. MAKEPEACE initiates his hunt for Presidential candidate Patricia Hamilton. Knowing Trey and Joe are in pursuit, Makepeace accelerates his mission to assassinate Hamilton. Makepeace endures Joe’s attack with more powerful firearms. Another intense gun battle and chase ensues. Makepeace follows Hamilton as her campaign moves from New York to Delaware. Based on news reports for Hamilton’s next campaign stop, Trey and Joe try to get Makepeace before he gets Hamilton.

Purpose: Once Hamilton is in jeopardy from Makepeace, the stakes are elevated for America, Trey, Joe, and the audience.

10. MAKEPEACE steals a car to pursue Trey and Joe. Gun battle ensues during an intense car chase on the open highway. Trey fires a bazooka that destroys the undead slave trader’s Cadillac. But once again the immortal villain emerges from the fiery crash damaged but not destroyed.

Purpose: Reinforces Makepeace as an enemy that cannot be killed even by the most powerful weapons.

11. MAKEPEACE battles the unlikely duo on a claustrophobic ferry ride across Delaware bay.

Purpose: Cool battle action in an environment with little chance for escape. MAKEPEACE appeals to Joe, white man to white man, in order to convince him to betray Trey. WIll he?

12. MAKEPEACE tracks Hamilton to a rural hunting-lodge style hotel that she uses to rest up for a campaign appearance. Makepeace battles then kills a dozen secret service agents on his way to Hamilton’s room. Hamilton resourcefully defends herself long enough for Trey and Joe to join the battle with the immortal villain. Trey and Joe help to rescue her for the time being.

Purpose: Introduces Hamilton in an action scene. She is a person willing to physically fight her attacker. Shows the stakes for Trey, Joe, Hamilton, and the country. Increases stakes. Intense fight scene to watch.

13. The climactic BATTLE continues from the hotel to an industrial area of the waterfront. Joe appears to be trapped in a boat as it sinks offshore. Makepeace pursues Trey and Hamilton. Eventually Joe re-enters the battle. A commercial speargun (used to hunt whales) slams threw Makepeace and pins him to a huge wooden dock pilon. Not dead, but not free, Makepeace curses the pair as they transport him to his final resting place. Or is it?

Purpose: Intense and entertaining action provides an engaging experience for the audience.

[John Woodward]

Subject line: John Woodward’s Villain Track!

I learned from this assignment that some villains are impossible to destroy.

1. PLOTTING: From behind the rusted iron bars of a crude cage, Makepeace fantasizes about his plans to assassinate black leaders. Gnarly white fingers flip through a news magazine circa 1967 to a tattered photo of Walker Jones, a distinguished black civil rights leader. A razor blade carves the photo from the page. Fingers plunge a rusty pin through Jones’ smiling face and into the rat.

Several dead rats dangle from string nooses tied to the iron bars. Pinned to each rat a black face. A gallery of lynchings. The low light and poor condition of the photos mask their identities.

2. GANGBANGERS CHASE TREY & DOMINO

An innocent play in a baseball game pisses off a group of gangbangers. Chase ensues with Trey and his brother Domino fleeing through the ghetto with gangsters in close pursuit.

3. MAKEPEACE PLOTS HIS ESCAPE FROM THE CRUDE CAGE. ELDRIDGE MAKEPEACE, a tall, pale, abominable old rogue with a ruggedly handsome face, wears ragged earth-stained clothes, peers with a shrewd, prying intensity from the cell. His hair hangs in a braid below the shoulders of his soiled blouse. Strands of mold-covered rat paws hang like a beaded curtain from rusted iron bars, provide privacy for a crude cage. Gnarly fingers push the curtain aside. Light spills into the dismal cell.

4. MAKEPEACE EMPLOYS TRICKERY TO ESCAPE IMPRISONMENT from the crude cage.

A livid scar from a saber slash traverses his neck from earlobe to earlobe. A tattoo of a sailor swinging by the neck on a rope adorns one sinewy arm. Another tattoo, near his shoulder, reads “A FAIR WIND.” He speaks in the antiquated vernacular of an 18th century British seaman.

5. Trey learns of Makepeace’s plan to assassinate black leaders. Trey alone escapes from the sub-basement. Makepeace realizes he must destroy Trey before he rallies forces to thwart his plan.

6. MAKEPEACE KILLS TREY’S BROTHER. Trey blames himself for his brother’s murder because the brother did not want to descend into the sub-basement in order to hide from the ganbangers. It motivates Trey to kill Makepeace and avenge his brother’s murder. It motivates Makepeace to kill Trey before he can attain revenge.

7. MAKEPEACE KILLS GANGBANGERS. Makepeace escapes and kills all the ganbangers who chased Trey and caused him to hide in the tenement sub-basement. The living members of the gang assume that Trey killed their homies. They hunt Trey.

8. MAKEPEACE KILLS the shaman KWA who has kept him imprisoned.

9. MAKEPEACE CHASES TREY thru the ghetto. The chase forces Trey into a tough adjacent neighborhood. Joe, a world-weary construction foreman, discovers TREY breaking into his house and holds him at gunpoint for the police. Makepeace arrives first. Trey and Joe fight him then flee together.

10. A neighbor uses his smartphone to video TREY and JOE appearing to murder the monster Makepeace. The video is played on the news and the internet. Trey and Joe are hunted by the police. Makepeace continues to pursue the unlikely allies. Now, Trey and Joe are wanted for murder by the police so they can’t go to the police for assistance.

11. MAKEPEACE assassinates revered civil rights leader Walker Jones. Trey and Joe realize the urgency of their mission. The atmosphere in the city becomes increasingly chaotic and violent. Joe returns to help Try after realizing he failed to believe Try’s story and now Walker Jones is dead. The unlikely allies are now stuck with each other and will grow to rely on each other.

12. MAKEPEACE endures a bow and arrow attack by Trey. The undead monster realizes that Trey is resourcefully seeking weapons that can slow him down. And therefore, Makepeace doubles his effort to kill Trey.

13. AS POLICE ARREST TREY, MAKEPEACE arrives and kills them. At the last second, Joe arrives to save Trey. Makepeace endures Joe’s attack with more powerful firearms. Another intense gun battle and chase ensues.

14. MAKEPEACE initiates his hunt for Presidential candidate Patricia Hamilton. Knowing Trey and Joe are in pursuit, Makepeace accelerates his mission to assassinate Hamilton. Makepeace follows Hamilton as her campaign moves from New York to Delaware. Based on news reports for Hamilton’s next campaign stop, Trey and Joe try to get Makepeace before he gets Hamilton.

15. MAKEPEACE steals a car to pursue Trey and Joe. Gun battle ensues during an intense car chase on the open highway. Trey fires a bazooka that destroys the undead slave trader’s Cadillac. But once again he emerges from the fiery crash damaged but not destroyed.

16. MAKEPEACE battles the unlikely duo on a claustrophobic ferry ride across Delaware bay.

17. MAKEPEACE appeals to Joe white man to white man in order to convince him to betray Trey.

18. MAKEPEACE tracks Hamilton to a rural hunting-lodge style hotel she uses for the campaign stop. Makepeace battles then kills a dozen secret service agents on his way to Hamilton’s room. Makepeace Hamilton resourcefully defends herself long enough for Trey and Joe to join the battle with the immortal villain.

19. A climactic BATTLE continues from the hotel to an industrial area of the waterfront. Joe appears to be trapped in a boat as it sinks offshore. Makepeace pursues Trey and Hamilton. Eventually Joe re-enters the battle. A commercial speargun (used to hunt whales) slams threw Makepeace and pins him to a huge wooden dock pilon. Not dead, but not free, Makepeace curses the pair as they transport him to his final resting place. Or is it?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  John Woodward.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  John Woodward.

[John Woodward]

ACTION CLASS LESSON 3

Subject line: John Woodward’s Hero’s Mission Track.

Doing this assignment, I learned that the mission and the various obstacles to accomplishing it bring forth ideas for action scenes that flow logically and naturally from the mission.

Ask the Mission Track questions to discover your Hero’s mission.

A. What is it about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds? Makepeace killed Trey’s brother. Trey alone learns that Makepeace plans to assassinate black leaders including Patricia Hamilton. Trey believes it is his moral obligation to try to save Hamilton.

B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal? Save Hamilton, destroy Makepeace.

C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero? Trey’s internal motivation is the need to avenge his brother’s murder, and his desire to survive Makepeace’s attempts to kill him. The external motivation – Trey wants to prevent Makepeace from assassinating Hamilton and other leaders.

D. Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What would naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain? Trey must learn how to fight Makepeace. He must convince at least one person to help him gain skills, and battle Makepeace. In Trey’s attempt to stop Makepeace, cellphone video makes it appear that Trey murdered an innocent old man. Suddenly, Trey must evade the police who now seek him for the murder. Another video makes it appear that Trey (not Makepeace) is stalking Hamilton. Trey must also evade and battle the gang boss and his killers who believe Trey (not Makepeace) murdered his men.

2. Use the Mission Steps to outline the mission.

Clear Mission:

Motivation: Avenge his brother’s murder, and his desire to survive the villain’s attempts to kill him. External motivation – Trey wants to prevent Makepeace from assassinating Hamilton and other leaders.

Inciting Incident: Trey (hero) has the mission forced on him by the acts of Makepeace (the Villain). A vicious crew of ghetto gangbangers chase Trey and his younger brother into the gruesome sub-basement of a dilapidated tenement. Temporarily safe from the crew, the brothers discover dead rats dangling in tiny nooses from the rusty bars of crude cage. Pinned to the rats: photos of black civil rights leaders, including popular presidential candidate Patricia Hamilton, America’s best hope for turning back a rising tide of racial conflict. A pale old rogue peers at the boys from behind the rusty iron bars. The brothers have inadvertently entered the horribly twisted world of Captain Eldridge Makepeace, an 18th century slave trader doomed to the realm of the undead after being killed and cursed by an African obeah doctor he sought to enslave. Compounding the mystery, the old-timer speaks in an antiquated British accent, wears his tarry pigtail long in the 18th century style. After Trey and his brother learn Makepeace intends to assassinate Hamilton, the gangbangers suddenly discover the brothers. When the pale prisoner goads the gang members with insults, the gangsters resolve to teach him some manners. As they enter the cell to attack Makepeace, they unknowingly remove the sacred talismans that keep Makepeace weak and imprisoned. They soon learn that their trusted automatics are powerless against him! Makepeace kills the gangsters and Trey’s younger brother. Trey, alone, escapes. Trey, alone, has discovered the captain’s plan to assassinate America’s foremost black leaders culminating with Patricia Hamilton! Makepeace thrusts upon Trey the impossible mission of avenging his brother’s murder and saving Hamilton.

First Action: Trey and his brother flee from their local ghetto gangbangers.

Obstacle: The ruthless gangbangers.

Escalation: When Trey and his brother hide in a random dilapidated sub basement, they go from the frying pan to the fire when they discover Makepeace locked in a crude cage.

Overwhelming Odds: Makepeace is an immortal racist with supernatural strength who can’t be killed with weapons because he’s already dead. Trey discovers that while powerful weapons can’t kill Makepeace, they can slow him down.

New Plan: Trey seeks help with weapons and tactics from a less-than-tolerant garden variety survivalist who sees Trey as big trouble. Trey must convince the survivalist that Makepeace is for real, and that Trey is not just another neighborhood grifter running a BS scam.

Full out Attack: Trey and the survivalist battle Makepeace with bullets as they seek to save Hamilton. Makepeace kills the survivalist who put his life on the line to help Trey save Hamilton.

Success: Trey retrieves the sacred talismans and uses them to weaken and re-imprison Makepeace.

[John Woodward]

John’s Hero and Villain

I learned my hero is short on unique skills or capabilities. He may need to be more like Sarah Connor in the first Terminator. He must gain skills with weapons and tactics that he does not initially possess in order to survive and destroy the villain Makepeace.

Concept: A gutsy inner-city youth teams with a jaded loner to prevent a resurrected slave-ship captain from assassinating a much-loved African American civil rights leader.

Hero Morally Right: He’s trying to avenge his brother’s murder and save a beloved stateswoman from assassination.

Villain Morally Wrong: He’s an evil and ugly racist, murders Trey’s brother, assassinates several civil rights leaders, frames the hero, targets a beloved stateswoman for assassination.

Hero: Trey Thomas, a gutsy inner-city youth.

A. Unique Skill Set: Young, exceptionally athletic, bright, brave. Initially, no amazing skill set. In order to survive and destroy the villain Makepeace, Trey must gain skills with weapons, tactics, and strategy that he does not initially possess. He must also solve the mystery of the immortal villain’s weakness and deploy the correct kryptonite.

B. Motivation: Revenge for his brother’s murder, must save an exemplary stateswoman from assassination.

C. Secret or Wound: He blames himself for allowing his brother to be murdered by Makepeace.

Villain: Captain Eldridge Makepeace, a horribly twisted 18th Century slave-ship captain doomed to the realm of the undead after being killed and cursed by an African obeah doctor whom he sought to enslave.

A. Unbeatable: He can’t be killed because he’s already dead.

B. Plan/Goal: To kill Trey Thomas and prevent him from stopping his assassination of Patricia Hamilton, a beloved stateswoman.

C. What they lose if Hero survives: Beloved stateswoman survives, Makepeace is defeated and re-imprisoned.

Impossible Mission: Trey must stop the immortal and ruthless racist from harming the beloved stateswoman.

A. Puts Hero in Action: Trey initially flees the villain to survive. As he gains skills and transforms himself, he pursues Makepeace to a final showdown.

B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: Solving the mystery of killing a villain who is already dead. It will take more than pistols, rifles, and other lethal weapons. Trey must solve the mystery of Makepeace’s power and discover the secret element that weakens the ruthless villain.

C. Destroy the Villain: To save Hamilton, Trey battles: the police, neighborhood gangbangers, and the immortal racist Makepeace.

[John Woodward]

John’s Conventions

I learned several details about action movie conventions.

Hero: Trey, a gutsy inner-city youth.

Antagonist: Eldridge Makepeace, a horribly twisted 18th Century slave-ship captain doomed to the realm of the undead after being killed and cursed by an African obeah doctor whom he sought to enslave.

Mission: Trey must terminate the slave trader before he assassinates several much-loved civil rights leaders, including U.S. Presidential candidate Patrcia Hamilton.

Demand for Action: Trey battles a ruthless villain who can’t be killed because he’s already dead.

Escalating Action: As Trey scrambles to discover the key to destroying the immortal villain, he battles a vicious crew of gangbangers who wrongly believe he killed their boss. Topping off the insurmountable obstacles, Trey must flee from the police who incorrectly conclude our hero murdered several of Makepeace’s growing tally of victims.

[John Woodward]

John Woodward, “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[John Woodward]

Hello,

I’m John Woodward. I’ve written about 9 screenplays, 2 horror movies, a thriller, a couple of comedies, and a docudramady based on the actual trial of a stripper for lewd conduct and indecent exposure. That last one was far from a marketable genre, but it won film festival recognition, generated lots of laughter, and may have contributed to a change in the way the Houston vice squad policed strip clubs. I directed both horror movies, one of the comedies and the docudramady. I think I have a commercial idea for an action movie, and I wanted to use the class to develop it. Something unusual, I taught acting for several years. Richard Linklater was my one of my students during the time he was developing his movie Slackers.

[John Woodward]

Wow. Evelyn, you made so many great points. I have answers to some, but I see how they are not being communicated. My idea is that bullets knock Makepeace back like bullets slowed the Terminator, but he recovers perhaps with additional scars. I will send you Feedback later today, and I’ll revise my outline.

[John Woodward]

Excellent.