Theodor Nelson
Forum Replies Created
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A cool scene. The golfer practices but says he’s out of the game.
Bagger arrives, at once ingratiating and needling, talking his way in, and gets his deal as a caddy– “Five dollars guaranteed”, but we know he’s after the 10% if this man wins. So he’s confident.
My rewrite: making a character talk her way into the confidence of another.
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Insight: the gal is being told of her future fights by a guy who is either her son or a friend of her son. She is being warned. My rewrite is about being told of the future by some scary insight, rather than a time traveller.
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I went to Harvard and there’s no such bar, nor ever this style of confrontation. (There are casual intellectual duels, but much more abstruse and untranslatable.) However, given this fantasy situation, the three characters stack up strangely– the first guy with a sleazy introduction, the second challenging him and the third backing up the sleaze, with hints of a fight. It’s really a working-class situation transposed to an imaginary Harvard.
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Theodor Nelson
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