[Thomas Duffy]

Thomas F. Duffy Query Letter Draft TWO

What I learned doing this assignment is another eye is always a good idea. Many eyes, even better. A query letter doesn’t have to be everything to everyone. It should be crafted for your target and get to the point in a way that pops. Thanks to all who helped.

Dear Mr. Ciardi,

When fate hands you a second chance, can you step up? The ROCKY of HOCKEY!

TITLE: SAVING GRACE

GENRE: Family Drama

The future of a little girl and an NHL team rests in the fragile hands of downtrodden grocery clerk/NHL practice goalie, Danny Murphy. He battles his wealthy mother-in-law, an old rival, and his own demons to rekindle a relationship with his daughter, Grace.

After a series of setbacks, Danny wonders if Grace would be better off without him. Can he transform his broken dreams in time to make the save of his life? I’m betting yes!

If you like the concept, I’d be glad to forward the script to you.

Bio: A veteran of over 40 films, I played college and semi-pro hockey and have left broken teeth and bones in arenas across the country. An early version of the script drew meetings at Imagine and Kennedy/Marshall. Representation is Hillary S. Bibicoff at Holmes Weinberg.

Best,

Thomas F. Duffy

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Thomas Duffy.

[Thomas Duffy]

Delete

[Thomas Duffy]

Thomas F. Duffy Query Letter Draft ONE

What I learned doing this assignment is TBD.

Dear Producer,

Your goal: the NHL play-offs + Your goalie: a grocery clerk = The ROCKY of HOCKEY!

The drama SAVING GRACE asks: Can an NHL practice goalie make the save of a lifetime to protect his daughter and his team’s season?

Danny Murphy had it all: a star goalie with a loving wife and baby, and destined for a long NHL career. In a moment, it was gone. His wife dead, his dreams and body crushed in a tragic car accident, and his daughter Grace, swept away by his wealthy mother-in-law.

After a decade of minor league comebacks, a downtrodden Danny moves to L.A. to win Grace back. When his best friend, Lou, the Kings star center, finds him a job as a practice goalie, it strengthens his relationship with a new girlfriend and further antagonizes his unrelenting mother-in-law.

After family court battles, an arrest and a near death scare for Grace, Danny questions whether his daughter and girlfriend might be better off without him? Fate forces Danny into an critical game, leading to a surprising climax that pays off with a thrilling, on the edge of your seat, conclusion that audiences love.

A ROCKY meets KRAMER VS. KRAMER story of perseverance, redemption and love.

I am a long-time film veteran, who played college, semi-pro and Bad Boys hockey with Jerry Bruckheimer. An early version of this script drew meetings at Kennedy/Marshall and Imagine.

If you like the concept, I’d be glad to send you a copy.

Thanks,

Thomas F. Duffy

(contact Information)

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Thomas Duffy.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Thomas Duffy.

[Thomas Duffy]

Tom’s Target Market

What I learned from this project is that, while I have used the IMDB list before, it is also a good place to jog your memory to people who might be able to help get you further down the road. I was away from writing for a decade. My old manager, though very high powered, just merged with another firm, and has not read my script, for almost a year. There are other people I might contact that were on the credits I researched. Maybe they can help with a new agent/manager or some might even be interested in producing.

Title: SAVING GRACE

Logline: A NHL practice goalie struggles to make the save of a lifetime to protect his daughter and his team’s season.

Genre: Drama

1A. I have a list of 40 similar films. The most helpful were films in my price range. (Moneyball, The Fighter, Miracle, Friday Night Lights, The Rookie)

1B. Danny – Jesse Plemons, Scott Eastwood, Michael B. Jordan, Wyatt Russell, Lucas Black; Abigail – Jean Smart, Holland Taylor, Dianne Weist, Blythe Danner, Diane Keaton

2. I have a list 100+ producers. Some I have connections/contacts with.

[Thomas Duffy]

Thomas F. Duffy’s Phone pitch

What I learned is that I can’t wait for my agent or manager to do all the work. Keep it simple, precise and to the point. Be prepared. I also learned I’ve been approaching my meetings all wrong. See it from the producers needs.

1. Credibility/Subject expertise: Long-time industry veteran with extensive hockey knowledge in college, semi-pro, and Bad Boys hockey with Jerry Bruckheimer, for years. Imagine and Kennedy/Marshall met me on an early version.

2. Hi, I’m Thomas F. Duffy and I’m wondering if I could run a 30 second quick pitch by you? Yes? I’ve got a family drama called SAVING GRACE. It asks: “Can a washed-up grocery clerk/NHL practice goalie save his daughter and his team’s season?”

3. Questions

3A. Budget Range – Probably between 30 to 50 million.

3B. Casting – Danny – Jesse Plemons, Scott Eastwood, Michael B. Jordan, Wyatt Russell; Abigail – Jean Smart, Holland Taylor, Dianne Weist, Blythe Danner

3C. Pages – 98

3D. A early draft drew meetings at Imagine and Kennedy/Marshall. I’ve done a page 1 re-write. Other than director Peter Markle, no one has seen it.

3E. I loved your film, “insert”, which I think is somewhat similar.

3F. Set-up: Battered and disappointed, Danny is losing the battle with Abigail. Danny considers taking Grace with him to Mexico. Then, food poisoning takes out the Kings two back-up goalies.

Payoff: Danny is now the back-up and when the starter is injured, he must play. Danny fights a terrible start, heckling fans, injuries, a past rival, and the pressure, to carry the team to victory and a new start with Grace and Jennifer.

[Thomas Duffy]

Thomas F. Duffy’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned in this lesson is less is more and boil it down to it’s selling points.

Hi, I’m Thomas Duffy. I’m a long-time industry veteran with extensive hockey experience, including years with Jerry Bruckheimer’s Bad Boys hockey. Today, I have a drama called SAVING GRACE, an early draft of which drew meetings from Imagine & Kennedy/Marshall, the ROCKY of hockey.

Can a washed-up grocery clerk/NHL practice goalie save his daughter and his team’s season?

Questions

A. Budget Range – 40 to 60 million.

B. Casting – Danny – Jesse Plemons, Scott Eastwood, Michael B. Jordan, Wyatt Russell; Abigail – Jean Smart, Holland Taylor, Dianne Weist, Blythe Danner

C. Three Acts – Act 1 – NHL prospect, Danny Murphy, fights to retrieve his dreams, after tragic car crash took his wife, crushed his body, while his daughter, Grace, is swept away by Abagail, his wealthy mother-in-law. A decade later, a downtrodden Danny moves to LA, to try to reclaim Grace and Abigail says Grace will not leave her “safe walls.”

Act 2 – When best friend, Kings star Lou, gets him a job as a practice goalie, it thrills girlfriend, Jennifer, while Abigail tightens the clamp. After a fight with his old rival, Kondrk, an arrest and a near death scare for Grace, Danny questions whether Gracie & Jennifer might be better off without him?

Act 3 – On the ice, the Kings fight for the last playoff slot, while a desperate Danny considers taking Grace with him to Mexico. A King official tells him they need him, food poisoning. He hurries off. Danny fights a bad start, heckling fans, injuries, a past rival, and the pressure to carry his team to victory and a new start with Grace and Jennifer.

D. Ending: Jennifer arrives, drops her tray. Danny is on the ice with the Kings. When starter Cronin goes down, Danny must go in. He can’t stop a beachball in warm-ups. First two shots score. He says: “That’s the last one.” Kondrk looms over Danny, insults fly. The Kings rally around Danny, who returns the favor, one incredible save after another. A minor league goalie has arrived but Nevin sticks with Danny. Kings go ahead by a goal. Kondrk gets a penalty shot, as time expires. He plows into Danny, whose head slams to the ice. Danny struggles to his feet. Grace begs her dad to stop, tears pouring down. Danny tells the newly arrived back-up how to stop Kondrk. Easy save. Danny has kept the Kings season alive. The fans scream deservedly: Murphy! Murphy! Murphy! Danny and Jennifer kiss just as the game ends, cut to them and their wedding kiss. Danny, Jennifer and Grace are heading back to college, where Danny will be coaching. Abigail salutes the couple from her porch, the party is in her backyard.

Credibility: Imagine and Kennedy/Marshall met on an early version, long-time industry veteran with extensive hockey knowledge in college, semi-pro, and Bad Boys hockey with Jerry Bruckheimer for years.

[Thomas Duffy]

Tom’s query letter

What I learned for this assignment was: a new way to set-up a strong, short query. Hope it works!

Title: SAVING GRACE

Written by Thomas F. Duffy

Genre: Drama

The goal: the NHL play-offs. The goalie: a grocery clerk!

Danny Murphy had it all: a star goalie with a loving wife and baby, and destined for a long NHL career. In a moment, it was gone. His wife dead, his dreams and body crushed in a tragic car accident, and his daughter swept away by Abagail, his wealthy mother-in-law.

A decade later, a downtrodden Danny tries to win Grace back. When best friend, Kings star Lou, gets him a job as a practice goalie, it thrills his girlfriend, Jennifer, while still facing stiff opposition from Abigail.

After a fight with an old rival, an arrest and a near death scare for Grace, Danny questions whether Gracie & Jennifer might be better off without him? Danny battles to the brink. His decisions lead to a climax that pays off with a thrilling, on the edge of your seat, conclusion that audiences love.

A ROCKY meets KRAMER VS. KRAMER, underdog story of pain, redemption and love.

If you like the concept, I’d be glad to send you a copy.

I am long-time film veteran, who played college, semi-pro and Bad Boys hockey with Jerry Bruckheimer for years. An early version of this script drew meetings at Kennedy/Marshall and Imagine.

Contact Information

[Thomas Duffy]

TOM’S SYNOPSIS HOOKS

What I learned from this assignment hopefully is to get to heart of the piece and accent the hooks. I might be able to cut this down some more.

MOC

1. SAVING GRACE – Logline: A NHL practice goalie struggles to make the save of a lifetime to protect his daughter and his team’s season.

A great role for a bankable actor – Danny Murphy was on top of the world: the star goalie of his college hockey team, playing for a championship, with a loving wife and baby, and destined for a long NHL career. In a moment, it was gone. His wife dead, his daughter swept away by her wealthy mother-in-law, Abigail Thornton, and his future, dreams and body crushed in a tragic car accident. Down and out, Danny must pick up the pieces of his shattered life or he will lose any chance to put his life and family back together again.

Danny is a complex, meaty role that pushes the chops of an actor. Playing the younger, successful Danny against the down-trodden ex-athlete he becomes, and his determination to get his life and family back, create a character on the brink, with an equal chance of doom or redemption, that actors and audiences love.

Abigail Thornton: wealthy / over-protective grandmother / determined

Jennifer: feisty / intelligent / wary

Grace: fragile / caring / precocious

Lou: handsome NHL star / loyal / good friend

Nevin: NHL coach / crafty / zen

I. Similarity to a box-office success – A true ROCKY meets THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS / KRAMER VS. KRAMER, an underdog story of redemption, pain and perseverance, with a thrilling, on the edge of your seat ending audiences love.

HOOKS

A. Unique Hero – A struggling grocery clerk / NHL practice goalie tries to save his daughter and his team’s season.

B. Major Hook: An washed-up NHL practice goalie gives his team a shot at the championship.

C. Turning Points: A tragic car crash destroys his family, dreams and body / after a confrontation and arrest, he vows to change for good. / Grace almost dies.

D. Emotional Dilemma: Would Gracie & Jennifer be better off without Danny?

E. Reveal: Danny was not drunk at the accident / Danny saved his minor hockey earnings for Grace’s college / Jennifer are was raped by her wealthy father, behind those safe walls / Vytas has left Danny a substantial inheritance / The Penalty Box crew took up a collection for Danny

F. Reversal: Danny stops drinking after the brawl. / Jenny overcomes his fear of water to save Grace / Abigail is won over by Danny’s actions towards Grace

G. Character Betrayals: Jago steals Danny’s recycling idea and gets promoted / Abagail sicks the sheriff on Danny /Jago (boss) dogs Danny for no reason

Title: SAVING GRACE

Written by: Thomas F. Duffy

Genre: Drama / Family / Sports

Can a washed-up grocery clerk / NHL practice goalie save his daughter and his team’s season?

Danny Murphy had it all: a star goalie with a loving wife and baby, and destined for a long NHL career. In a moment, it was gone. His wife dead, his dreams and body crushed in a tragic car accident, and his daughter swept away by Abagail, his wealthy mother-in-law.

Ten years later, a snakebitten Danny tries to rekindle his ties with his now distant daughter, Grace, with little means to support her. Backed by his best friend, Kings star Lou, a feisty new girlfriend, Jennifer, and gritty friends from his bar, The Penalty Box, he faces stiff opposition from Abigail. When Lou gets him a job as the Kings practice goalie, he can finally see hope.

But after a fight with an old rival and a near death scare for Grace, Danny questions whether Gracie & Jennifer might be better off without him?

Danny battles to the brink, with an equal chance of doom or redemption. His decisions lead to a climax that pays off with a thrilling, on the edge of your seat conclusion that actors and audiences love.

A ROCKY meets KRAMER VS. KRAMER, underdog story of redemption, pain and love.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Thomas Duffy.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Thomas Duffy.

[Thomas Duffy]

Thomas F. Duffy – High Concept / Elevator Pitch

What I learned from this assignment is it is very difficult to cut your description of your story down to a single sentence, but not impossible.

My High Concept: A washed-up NHL practice goalie fights to make the save of his life.

Main hook alternatives:

Dilemma: Would you give up everything you cherish for a shot at the pros? Can a washed-up NHL practice goalie make the save of a lifetime?

What’s At Stake: A washed-up NHL practice goalie has to decide what’s more important, a lifetime with his only child or a shot at the pros?

Elevator Pitch: I’m doing a polish on a script, that was a finalist in several writing contests, about a washed-up NHL practice goalie, who has to choose between to saving his daughter or his team’s season.

[Thomas Duffy]

What I learned from this assignment is that having these 10 points to focus on helps me to get to the essence of your film and show what will bring in an audience.

A. Unique Hero – A gimpy grocery clerk / NHL practice goalie tries to save his daughter and his team’s season.

B. Major Hook: An underdog NHL goalie prospect leads his team to an improbable championship.

C. Turning Points: A tragic car crash destroys his family, dreams and body / after a fight and arrest, he vows to change for good.

D. Emotional Dilemma: Would Gracie & Jennifer be better off without Danny?

E. Reveal: Danny was not drunk at the accident/ Jennifer are was raped by her wealthy father, behind those safe walls

F. Reversal: Danny stops drinking after the brawl / Jenny overcomes his fear of water to save Grace / Abigail is won over by Danny’s actions towards Grace

G. Character Betrayals: Abagail sicks the sheriff on Danny /Jago (boss) dogs Danny for no reason / Jago steals Danny’s recycling idea and gets promoted

H. Surprise: Danny called to play for the Kings / After Danny saves the game for the Kings, he has the backup goalie take the final penalty shot, telling him how to stop the shot

[Thomas Duffy]

What I learned is to not be a jack of all trades and to help fill the needs of the particular producer or manager.

Pitch to producers: Present my current script in a short, to the point way. That my script is in their market. Several great roles actors will want to play. Let them know that I know the world of the script and that I am open to any suggestions they make.

Pitch to managers: Present my current script in a short, to the point way. Talk to them about other scripts or ideas. Dedicated, writing every day. Experienced and connections to major producers. Have a lot of solid ideas to pitch and write.

[Thomas Duffy]

Thomas’s- Marketable Components

What I learned doing this assignment is the power of the hook and selling more with less, a focused pitch.

1. SAVING GRACE – Logline: A NHL practice goalie struggles to make the save of a lifetime to protect his daughter and his team’s season.

2. Similarity to a box-office success. A great role for a bankable actor.

3. Danny Murphy was on top of the world: the star goalie of his college hockey team, playing for a championship, with a loving wife and baby, and destined for a long NHL career. In a moment, it was gone. His wife dead, his daughter swept away by his wealthy mother-in-law, and his body, dreams and body crushed in a tragic car accident. Ten years later, a down and out Danny must pick up the pieces of his shattered world or he will lose any chance to put his life and family back together again.

Abigail Thornton: wealthy / over-protective grandmother / determined

Jennifer: feisty / intelligent / wary

Grace: fragile / caring / precocious

Lou: handsome NHL star / loyal / good friend

Nevin: NHL coach / crafty / zen

Similarity to a box-office success – A true ROCKY sports underdog story of redemption, pain and perseverance, with a thrilling, on the edge of your seat ending audiences love.

An actor would be able to play a complex, meaty role that pushes his chops as an actor. Playing the younger, successful Danny against the down-trodden ex-athlete he becomes, and his determination to get his life and family back, create a character on the brink, with an equal chance of doom or redemption, that actors and audiences love.

[Thomas Duffy]

Thomas F. Duffy – Project and Market

1. Drama, ONE LAST SHOT, The ROCKY of hockey.

2. When a fatal crash takes his wife and leaves his body and spirit shattered, a gimpy ex-hockey goalie struggles to reunite with his only daughter, but when he is given one last shot to prove himself, he must make the save of his life.

3. I’ll target managers. I had a top-rated manager years ago, and I learned that the process involved with a manager (script appraisal, re-writes) led to a better script and better meetings with top production companies.

4. What I learned today is less is better, when pitching your script.

[Thomas Duffy]

Thomas F. Duffy agrees to the terms of this release form.

[Thomas Duffy]

Thomas F. Duffy – Build Their Clock

What I learned was there is a total formula and timing, like a play: beginning, middle and end. There is a rhythm and beat to the action and that although people don’t realize it necessarily, a formula the audience is used to.

Assignment #1

Aloha Florida

Segment 1:

Element: ­­­­­­­­­­­Cold Open Tease

Element: Title of the show

Element: Meet the house shopper

Element: Meet the Real Estate Agent

Element: Interview while driving

Element: ­­­­­­­­­­­­­Interview with Real Estate Agent

Element: House Tour #1

Element: Interview while Driving

Element: House Tour #2

Element: Interview While Driving

COMMERCIAL BREAK 1

Segment 2:

Element: House Tour #3

Element: Interview while Driving

Element: Interview with the House Shopper

COMMERCIAL BREAK 2

Segment 3:

Element: Interview while Driving

Element: House Tour #4

Element: House Tour #5

Element: Interview with Real Estate Agent

Segment 4:

Element: Decision Revealed

Element: Interview while Driving

Element: Interview with the Family

Element: Credits

When in the show do viewers meet the couple who is looking for a home, and what

do we learn about them and the problems they need to solve? In the first

segment, they need a house

When do we learn what the couple is looking for in a home…and how successful is
their strategy unfolding throughout the half-hour? In the first segment

When do we learn of conflict in the couple relative to their search?

Second segment

How many houses are toured in each segment and how much time do we spend

seeing each house? 2 in the first, one in the second and two in the third, – 2 minutes

When do we learn of the couple’s final decision? Segment #3

When do we see the couple in the home they chose and for how many minutes? Segment 4

How often and in which segment(s) do we hear an interview with one or both

house shoppers describing their house shopping journey and emotional

experience? Every segment

How often and in which segment(s) do we hear an interview with the real estate

agent describing the house shoppers? Segments 1 and 3

In what segment do we hear the first sign of conflict between the house

shoppers? First

In which segment do we learn the most biographical information about the house shoppers? First

Assignment #2

1. Logline: Hidden in faraway mountains and obscure valleys around the world lie the buried treasure of an era long past, when dinosaurs ruled the Earth. Movie paleontologist, Thomas F. Duffy, explores the mystery and history of hunting for bones and artifacts of the past. They’re still here, and we’re going to find them!

2. Tell us if your show idea is a half-hour or a full hour.

Half hour

3. For half-hour, give us a version of what the 4 segments might look like. For full hour, give us 8 segments.

Segment 1:

Element: ­­­­­­­­­­­Cold open – drive-up

Element: Title sequence – V.O. – Dinosaurs are still here, and we’re going to find them!

Element: Host arrives at dig site – a look around and intros

Element: Interview with the on-site manager

COMMERCIAL BREAK 1

Segment 2:

Element: mini-travelogue. Thomas drives to the site, talks about region & history.

Element: Thomas meets the crew at dig.

Element: meet the paleontologist.

Element: See first discoveries.

COMMERCIAL BREAK 2

Segment 3:

Element: A look at the bone clean-up and preservation.

Element: Interview with manager/paleontologist

Element: A look at the day’s finds

Element: Explain & show the dinosaurs being discovered there.

COMMERCIAL BREAK 3

Element: Panoramic view of dig site and surrounding environment

Element: Thomas talks about the finds and site with paleontologist

Element: A close-up of big bones found, good-bye to crew and/or paleontologist

Element: Credits & Production Company logo

[Thomas Duffy]

Thomas F. Duffy – <u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Lesson #3 – Connecting to the Viewer

What I learned from this assignment is the shape of what makes the emotional connection with your material is as important, if not more important, than the basic concept. I learned to dig a little deeper to hopefully find the real connection for the project and heighten and strengthen it.<u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

Assignment 1 –

A Points of access

1.Emotional connection: an attractive, amiable husband/wife team, joined occasionally by their children.

2. Although they’re on a schedule to complete their makeover of the properties, the contrast of his construction and her decorating make for a great build up to the reveal.

B Characters:

1. an attractive, amiable husband/wife team, crew & vendors, joined occasionally by their children.

2. Also, the couple or family that is getting the makeover can lead to some funny or tense moments.

C Expertise:

1. the couple has proven to be very knowledgeable about what they’re doing and most people are thrilled with the results. 2. people basically know that no matter how big the challenge, by the end of the show they will receive the reward of a gorgeous home.

D. Settings

1. the Waco Texas setting gives it a very down-home feel, which feeds into the wholesomeness of the couple and family. 2. a new house, a new challenge every week. How will they do it? Answer–tune in for the reveal.

E. Humor

1. husband has a down-home kind of corny sense of humor. He always tries to keep it light. 2. His wife is more the straight man, but It always seems are looking out for each other.

What makes it so successful? A combo of all five points of access. I think the ease and personalities of the two leads, combined with their love of family and town, are the determining factors. We want to see them succeed. It’s a definite hybrid.

Assignment 2:

A – what is the emotional connection to my show? I think it will be a combination of hey fun host and crew, the mystery and anticipation of what we might discover, and the exploration of the unknown. People will get to know areas and occupations they will probably never do themselves.

B – how are the characters relatable or non-relatable? Dr. Bones and his crew do not know much more about paleontology, then the audience might when we start out. You will see growth and a fun exploration to find diverse fossils. We will also get up close and personal with some of the top paleontologists in the world, who will take us on a journey we’ve never experienced. We might also explore celebrities at some digs.

C is there expert advice or skill depicted that is compelling to watch or learn? Dr. Bones and his crew will collect, record and identify their discoveries, supervised by noted paleontologists from around the world, who will take us on a journey we’ve never experienced.

D is there an authentic setting that is uniquely compelling? We will explore active fossil sites, interesting nearby finds, dino prints, associated museums or preparation rooms, as well as storage areas for recent finds. Many of these sites are in beautiful, rustic areas, which will be highlighted in drive-ups, personal interviews or panoramic shots of the area.

E do the situations portrayed in your show idea lend themselves to comedy or drama? I think I will leave a combination of humor and drama. It will be hot, dusty and the somewhat dangerous as you are always off the beaten path. Whenever people work together I think you see a combination of both drama and humor. Dr. Bones and crew will be no exception. To temper the seriousness that diggers and paleontologist sometimes bring to their work, humor is a great release. For example, with all the Latin names for dinosaurs, you are sure to mess up at least a few. Paleontologists will keep us honest.

2. how do those answers help define your show and how it might connect with the audience?

I think you start with a beloved character from a highly successful box office success, so the audience is already relaxed. You put him and his crew in various new, and challenging environments, trying to discover new and old species of dinosaurs and other fossils. You try to have some fun along the way and offer the mystery of the unknown, unearthing millions-of-year-old bones, before their eyes and help them understand what dino or fossil each bone belongs to and visualize the creature. Top to bottom, the life of digging for dinosaurs.

3. What I learned from this assignment is the shape of what makes the emotional connection with your material is as important if not more important than the basic concept. I learned to dig a little deeper to hopefully find the real connection for the project and heighten and strengthen it.

[Thomas Duffy]

What I learned during this assignment is the different brands of the players in reality TV. You can see where your project has place and other areas to seek or avoid.

Assignment 1.

HGTV’s brand is: wholesome/family, HGTV’s Brand is: make-over properties. Ordinary People. Relationships, Competition, Major life decisions. Entertaining and a ‘what if” quality for the viewer.

Bravo: Melodramatic lifestyle and beautiful, affluent people, conflict & drama, wheeling and dealing, high end location, people and property. For the cool in us, maybe.

ID’s Brand is: Crime, workings of justice/injustice, sensational/tawdry evidence, who done it. Ordinary people, problems, mystery, complications, resolutions or not.

ASSIGNMENT 2

A. Using a few key words, characterize your reality show idea. We’ve already talked about formats on day one. So, let’s instead stick to words that describe themes, trends, tone, and characters — BIG ideas like the descriptions for TLC above.

Themes: discovery, challenge, hard-work, teamwork, wholesome, history, educational.

B. Appeal

1.People of all ages, family friendly, educational without being boring.

2. Dinosaur lovers

3. People who love to travel and see new environments.

4. People who love the outdoors and nature

5. Aspirational viewers looking for an escape from the every day

C. What elements are the most compelling to watch my show

1. mystery – discovering bones that are thousands of years old, that have never been seen by man.

2. Far away, sweeping settings in nature

3. Arecognizable host, having had a starring role in the Lost World Jurassic Park, as Dr. Burke, the hippie paleontologist, who has been on many dinosaur digs. Likeable assistants.

4. Mysteries – Exploring the unknown. minute to minute you never know what you’re going to find.

5. The discovery and the visual aids about the creatures we have found in the episode.

6. Construct a virtual dinosaur from the bones we have discovered on the show.

7. A paleontologist to explain and identify the fossil finds.

8. The finding of new bones and added visual aids about the actual creatures found.

D. What does a viewer learn (or take home) after watching the show?

1. They learn the workings of a fossil site, the who, what, where, of a site and how it works. Also warns us more to fossils then the T Rex

2. Far away destinations to discover new finds, sometimes entirely new species. Also the shrinking habitat for digs (farmers selling land, permission needed)

3. Similarities between modern and prehistoric creatures.

4. Exploring the unknown. You never know what you’ll find.

5. Paintings, pictures and video reproductions make dinosaurs/fossils come alive. We would also visit museums, hopefully talking to the curators or the paleontologist in charge.

6. Celebrity diggers. Many celebs are big dinosaur fans.

E. 1 Dino Hunter – Discovery, Oak Island – History, Any dino show.

F. On what platform — cable or streaming — could my show idea fit?

Cable or streaming

G. On what cable channel(s) could my show fit?

HISTORY
TLC
HULU
NETFLIX
DISCOVERY+

[Thomas Duffy]

Change to 2 B – Occu-soap, Docu-series, Adventure/Exploration, Travel, Hidden Historical Discoveries, with big personalities.

[Thomas Duffy]

Thomas F. Duffy Day 1 – What I learned from this assignment: is that their are so many possibilities for this concept. I also learned that I had strong knowledge of the subject and that I have a lot more structure than I realized.

Group 1 – Scientology – Format: Docu-Series/Topical

Group 2 – Wicked Tuna – Format: Occu-Soap

Group 3 – Love After Lockup – Format: Structured Relationships

Group 4 – Expedition Unknown – Format: Adventure/Travel

Group 5 – Flea Market Flip – Format: Makeover/Competition Reality/Game

<u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Assignment Part 1. Using the 10 formats, brainstorm as many ideas as you can (at least 5) so you have multiple ideas to choose from.

Music Competition Reality – Guitar Legend, Country Roads, Punked Out, Kid Stars, Foodies, Asian Cooking

Competition Reality – Dog Show, Armchair Quarterbacks, Ice Hockey Skills, Urban Commandos, Uber v Lyft, Waiting For A Break – waiters compete

Docu-Soap – Off-Shore – life in a real New Jersey family, Finding America – A recent arrival Afghan family embraces life in the US., My Big Fat Irish/Italian family – Back East family intrigue.

Occu-Soap – Crafty’s (life in a craft beer bar), Starstruck – (life in a beginning acting class), Animal Rescue – (life of an animal rescue team), Real Realty – (life in a real estate office), Building Tension -(life in a NYC real estate development office.

Docu-Series – Dr. Bones – a movie paleontologist explores history, discoveries, daily finds and prep, and commentary at dig sites around the world., A Taste of Ireland – a celebrity explores the sights and cuisine of the Emerald Isle., Cowboy Quest – host explores the fact and fiction of the legends of the Old West, ghost towns and old mines, The Real Jersey Shore – host explores the real sights, oddities/myths and cuisine of the towns along the Jersey Shore.

Structured Relationship – Living Religion – follows a Catholic Opus Dei family, Making Rent – follows a young couple struggling to make ends meet, Newlywed Fame – a famous newlywed are followed from pre to 1st year marriage, The Resident – the struggles of a newlywed, just married 1st year intern. Covid Bound – an immuno-compromised person’s struggles with the pandemic and staying alive, while keeping the peace and welfare of his family.

Makeover – That’s So Dad – dad’s of all ages undergo a full makeover.
That’s So Mom – same for mom. , Fashion Police – a group of influencers pick a random person to makeover, Beverly Hills Pooch – a stylist takes a pet and gives it the full pet spa treatment, This Tired House – a combination of experts tell the ups and downs of fixing a house on a fixed budget.

Adventure/Exploration – Dr. Bones – a movie paleontologist explores history, discoveries, daily finds and prep, and commentary at dig sites around the world. Undercover Hollywood – host looks into crimes, outrages and scandals in old Hollywood, Wild West Exposed – host looks into crimes, outrages and scandals in the Wild West. Great Myths of History – host looks into crimes, outrages and scandals through history, Buried History CA – host explores the history, mysteries and myths surrounding the settling of California.

Game – High School Honors – HS honor students face off for general knowledge questions and answers plus athletic contests, Egg Cart Challenge – people of all ages try the gauntlet of crates for fame and fortune, The Great Scavenger Hunt – College students compete on their campuses, to solve the puzzle map and clues for scholarship money, Cornhole Challenge – people vie against each other for a chance at Cornhole supremacy.

• Topical – The Earth – a host travels the country exploring the effects of climate change to life as we have known it, A Sinking Feeling – host follows the effect of rising coastal waters and drought starved bodies of water. Elev8 – people doing good around the country, Real Change – people making meaningful efforts to produce change.

Assignment Part. 2

A. Doctor Bones – a movie paleontologist explores history, discoveries, daily finds and prep, and commentary at dig sites and museums in the US and around the world. The show will be panoramic, entertaining and educational, supported with expert analysis and identification of the species discovered, from dinosaurs to other fossils.

B. The series will be a hybrid, combining adventure/exploration, docu-series, travel & topical.

C. The series will be hosted by Thomas F. Duffy, who portrayed hippie paleontologist, Dr. Robert Burke in The Lost World Jurassic Park, who was last seen in the jaws of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

D. Duffy did extensive research into paleontology prior to his role, joining a dig with famed paleontologist, Dr. Robert Bakker, talking with Jack Horner, the world-renowned paleontologist and Jurassic Park technical expert, as well as paleontologists at the Museum of Natural History in New York City, the La Brea Tar Pits in Los Angeles, and other experts. He will engage the audience with the everyday workings of a paleontologist and their crew, and explore the nitty-gritty of getting a fossil from the ground to museum. We’ll examine clothing, tools, technology, research and many other aspects in the field. His TLW:JP role has made it easy to bond and talk with paleontologists.

E. The digs can happen in remote, sometimes breathtaking locales, which can be very panoramic and beautiful. We will also travel and record the museums that receive the fossils.

F. This up-close analysis of fossils and what it takes to find and preserve them Will be informative, entertaining and educational, resulting in a can’t miss viewing experience. A great experience for the whole family.

3. Fossils are discovered in many locations throughout the world. Adults and children alike will enjoy our shows. We could spend several episodes at one dig site or multiple sites throughout the season. As there are many places to dig and many college programs running in various states and countries, the possibilities are there for exploring many different sites and locales. Also, you never know what you’re going to find from day to day, at any given site. The anticipation alone could feed a large audience.

[Thomas Duffy]

1. Thomas F. Duffy

2. How many scripts you’ve written? 7

3. What you hope to get out of the class? To create a reality tv show and pitch it to producers

4. 41 year in business. Here’s my bio – Many actors talk about transforming themselves for a role, but Thomas F. Duffy has made a career of it. He’s gone from dinosaur hunting paleontologist to saving the world from aliens, Olympic hockey hero to a murderous gang leader, militiaman bank robber to Ground Zero fire captain. A veteran of over 100 films, plays and television shows, his ability to transform himself has seen him with almost as many faces as Lon Chaney, changing looks and attitudes with every new role he takes on.

Thomas received critical praise for his starring roles as hippie Paleontologist Dr. Robert Burke in THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK for Steven Spielberg and as James Van der Beek’s fiery football loving dad, Sam Moxon, in the hit film VARSITY BLUES. Other noted directors he has worked for include JJ Abrams, James Cameron, Oliver Stone, Mike Nichols, Curtis Hanson, Richard Donner, Roland Emmerich, William Friedkin, Harold Becker, Tony Scott and Wes Craven. He’s worked with Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino, Charles Bronson, Meryl Streep, John Candy, Sean Penn, Jack Nicholson, Gary Oldman, Christopher Plummer, Ed Harris, Jennifer Lopez, Jim Carrey, Bruce Willis, Laurence Fishburne, Michelle Pfeiffer, Nicolas Cage & Antonio Banderas.

Thomas made a commanding feature film debut as Charles Bronson’s main nemesis, Nirvana, in DEATH WISH II. His over 40 film roles include SUPER 8, WORLD TRADE CENTER, INDEPENDENCE DAY, THE RIVER WILD, WOLF, RUBBER, THE MAMBO KINGS, MERCURY RISING, THE ABYSS, STATE OF GRACE, MIRACLE ON ICE, SUPREMACY, POODLE SPRINGS, TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A., OUT FOR JUSTICE, THE WATERDANCE, WAGONS EAST, STRANGE MEN and THE CANDIDATE.

His over fifty television appearances include: THE DAILY SHOW, SHAMELESS, THE X-FILES, GREY’S ANATOMY, WISDOM OF THE CROWD, LOUIE, GETTING ON, E.R., LAW& ORDER: LOS ANGELES, HAWTHORNE, WITHOUT A TRACE, FRANKLIN & BASH, THE TWILIGHT ZONE, NYPD BLUE, THE AGENCY, G vs. E, TALES FROM THE CRYPT, WALKER, TEXAS RANGER, MATLOCK, TWO FISTED TALES, CHICAGO HOPE and NIGHT COURT. Recurring television roles include: SHAMELESS, THE MIDDLE, IN LIVING COLOR, FAMILY LAW, COVER ME, PICKET FENCES, A YEAR IN THE LIFE and DAYS OF OUR LIVES.

Thomas has been ranked as high as 1,386, among all actors in the world by IMDB. He won two Drama-Logue awards for his work on the stage and has been in many award-winning films. He served an adjudicator for the American College Theatre Festival, and has lectured at colleges across the country, including Brown, Smith, Miami and Ohio.

[Thomas Duffy]

I agree to the group confidentiality release agreement.

Thomas F. Duffy

[Thomas Duffy]

Thanks for your help!

As regards to Steven Stern, he was a real gentleman. He always thought of me when he had a role I was right for. I loved his family. I’m glad you had the opportunity to know and work with him. I don’t think I can remember a moment when he lost his cool. You can’t say that about many directors. I was very sad to hear of his passing. RIP Steven.

Good luck with your project!

[Thomas Duffy]

Good luck with your project!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Thomas Duffy.

[Thomas Duffy]

Thanks for your critique. Both were very helpful. I realized I was doing a synopsis, not a query.

[Thomas Duffy]

Hi Andrea,

Thanks for the great notes! I agree and have already used them.

Your letter is strong but I have a couple of thoughts. You use “ruthless” and “extreme” twice in this short letter. I suggest using alternate terms the second time. Here are a few ideas: crazy, fanatic, rabid, radical, violent – or – callous, cold-blooded, heartless, soulless, stony.

The only other issue is you might think about losing “seemingly more.” I realize why you are saying this, but it is a family movie. Most villains are only seemingly more powerful, and our hero usually outsmarts them in the end.

Again, the letter is already great! I’d love to read the script if you wouldn’t mind.

[Thomas Duffy]

Hi Phyllis,

I’ve read and re-read your letter and it is great. The opening hook is my only question. Though it pulls you in, I’m not sure it’s as strong as what you deliver below it.

I always like a play on a known expression, that reflects your idea, and compels finding out what that may mean. Your leads travel to Africa to authenticate and develop their play but find it enlightens them in a much deeper, spiritual way.

Maybe I’m way off, but here’s a thought: the old saying –

Life is a journey, not a destination – to –

Sometimes the destination defines the journey!

I would love to read your script, if that’s okay. Thanks again for your invaluable support!

[Thomas Duffy]

Thanks! You are the best! I’ll see yours tomorrow!

[Thomas Duffy]

Thanks, Andrea! Dead on! Love the changes.

[Thomas Duffy]

Hi Guil,

I agree with Mark. The first time through, I found it confusing as to why they kidnapped Valenti. Was he their producer? Was he a random producer? Was it for the money or motivated. Mark’s suggestion about a distributor or the reason they had for kidnapping Valenti in particular, would help clarify this. Nice letter.

[Thomas Duffy]

Hey Gordon,

Thanks for your feedback. It was helpful. I tried to get as much on the trimmed bones without weighing it down. It’s been a decade since I skated with the Bad Boys group. Long time between showers. There were a lot of other industry folks in the group, many who have climbed the ladder. I’ll be following up with some of them. Meanwhile, I’m hustling. Here’s my change from your notes. Hopefully, it’s a little clearer.

“After a decade of minor league comebacks, a downtrodden Danny moves to L.A. to win Grace back. When his best friend, Lou, the Kings star center, finds him a job as a practice goalie, it strengthens his relationship with a new girlfriend and further antagonizes his unrelenting mother-in-law.

After family court battles, an arrest and a near death scare for Grace, Danny questions whether his daughter and girlfriend might be better off without him? Fate forces Danny into an critical game, leading to a surprising climax that pays off with a thrilling, on the edge of your seat, conclusion that audiences love.”

There is plenty of other info in the script. By the way, I did three MOW’s with Steve Stern, as an actor. He was a great guy!

I’ll send you some notes tomorrow on your letter.

[Thomas Duffy]

Hi Cara,

So, I’ve been bouncing around a hook for your script, many having to do with Lady Gaga tattoos. Here’s my best shot after a long day:

Is there any rhyme to achieving poetic immortality?

I hope to have a clearer head tomorrow.

10/19 – I’m back. Second try: Obsession nearly killed the fragile poet, Rilke. Letting go made him legendary.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Thomas Duffy.

[Thomas Duffy]

You’ve been a great help to me, I hope I can return the favor.

All right, here’s a hook possibility: Sometimes a journey turns magical, for everyone!

First, I like ZINZI alone as your title. Another idea may be ZINZI’S JOURNEY.

Break up your opening paragraph with more white space. It’s all there and easily understood. Just like with a script, readers like their white space. One typo on “with” second line.

I would like you to consider my new drama, CREATING ZINZI. It tells the story of a white playwright and Black Broadway producer who workshop an American musical in Africa.

Collaborating with indigenous artists, they navigate clashing cultures and real-life perils to ensure the authenticity of the musical’s African scenes and to find a child to play the musical’s title character, “Zinzi.”

Their journey leads to their shocking multi-cultural awakening and to the realization that the Ancestor Spirits have an invisible hand in the musical’s fate.

I recently finished shooting proof-of-concept footage for ZINJI in South Africa. The actual film has a projected budget of $5-$10M.

(I’m not sure what a Senior Producer is but I assume it may the equivalent of either an Executive Producer or what we call simply, a producer.)

My script for ZINZI has been overwhelmingly received: being a Nicholl Fellowship Finalist, a William Wisdom-William Faulkner top five finalist, and a Kaufman Award winner. I’m a produced playwright, novelist and a member of The Broadway League. …or something like that. Also, I wish I knew more about ZINZI so I could help you with a hook.

All in all, it just comes down to moving things around, little nip here, and you’re letter will be as great as the actual script. You don’t win all those awards unless you are a great writer!

Hope this helps!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Thomas Duffy.

[Thomas Duffy]

Hi Stephen,

I’m not really a horror expert, but here are a few of my notes. Interesting concept. I think your letter needs a stronger hook. I get your reason for choosing it, but it is a little vague and a well known phrase. Maybe a slight ironic change, that gives a better clue to what is to come in your script, or not. I know this is a class assignment, but you have to proofread your grammar and spelling, as production is infamous about rejecting anything that does not have almost perfect punctuation and spelling. One typo is “devout” for “devour.” Could be a very scary movie!

Good luck!

[Thomas Duffy]

Hi Jeff,

So in looking at your letter, I agree with much of the advice about hooks and title. You need a strong hook to stir interest, and I kind of like PAINKILLER by itself. Here’s a few of my thoughts.

First, if it’s a true story, do you have the rights?

For a hook, I think something ironic referring to his profession. Here’s one: When a scam artist threatens an anasthesiologist’s family, the doctor dispenses his own kind of medicine!

You use the word smuggler/smuggle twice in two sentences. Replace the second smuggle. Possible substitutes: heist, scam, fraud, rip-off, sham, con.

Lose the ensemble cast info. Instead, emphasize why it’s a great role for your two lead actors, especially the Doctor.

Hard to tell without knowing more. Hope this helps!

Tom Duffy

[Thomas Duffy]

Thanks Mark. Those were my thoughts, as well. I also got a meeting with Tollin/Robbins, who were not exactly slouches, but the other two are really tough to get meetings with. I’ll read your letter and leave feedback.

Tom

[Thomas Duffy]

Thanks for the great notes! I tried to re-incorporate the ROCKY hook into the opening hook. I am off to physical therapy (too much hockey) but will post my notes for your letter.

I’d love to read your script after we get through this course, if that’s okay.

Best,

Tom

tfduffy@sbcglobal.net

[Thomas Duffy]

Great notes, as expected!

I made some changes per your notes but I want to wait until I do my final letter, to let it all sink in. I read your letter and have a few ideas and notes. I have to go to physical therapy soon, (too much hockey) but I will post later.

The reason I include the Imagine and Kennedy/Marshall meetings is because they are two of the most prestigious production companies in the business, known for big budget quality films. They are capable of green lighting the film, and impossible to meet for a new writer. I’d love more input, because I did have questions about this adding doubt, as well.

Spot on, helpful advice! I’d love to read your script after we get through this course, if that’s okay.

Best,

Tom

tfduffy@sbcglobal.net

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Thomas Duffy.

[Thomas Duffy]

Jeff, The one thing that helps casting is he’s a goalie behind a mask, so skating isn’t as important.

I worked with Jessie when he was around ten years old on VARSITY BLUES. He’s made quite a career since then. He does have a great mug. I’ll look at your letter tomorrow.

Thanks! Tom

[Thomas Duffy]

I love this! Great humor and very smart. You gain a lot more chance of drawing someone in when you come in with a new and funny approach. Probably not something that happens everyday for the folks you reach. Made me smile, and I feel this is something that will make someone else smile, as well.

[Thomas Duffy]

Phyllis,

I think you are putting your ideas into a sound package and not skipping ahead of yourself. A strong pitch deck is essential and I think gathering all your presentation material and being organized and well prepared will be a winning combination. Keep pushing ahead!

Hope this is of some help.

[Thomas Duffy]

Thanks, Phyllis. I have been very busy with an outside project, so I haven’t been as thorough checking out the other posts. I’m going to re-read your posts and hopefully give you some usable feedback. Best, Tom