[Timothy Barley]

1. Tim Barley

2. Written four screenplays, three pilots.

3. I have a great (IMHO) thriller and horror film that have both received some great feedback, but are not contest or pitch ready. I would love to get a strategy in place to do amazing rewrites!

4. The thriller mentioned in #3 is the result of four summers traveling across the county at night and witnessing the world that many don't see.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley

“I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Happy Sunday! Had a few issues uploading this outline, but here is the working outline.

TITLE: Reflected
“Not everything in mirror is about you”

Logline: Eight rising social media influencers lured to a weekend retreat at a remote beach house find themselves hunted by their twisted doppelgängers, turning their vanities and darkest fears into weapons of their demise.

INT. VIVIAN’S STUDIO – NIGHT
Essence: Vivian’s transformation, replaced by her own reflection, introducing the curse of vanity and horror.
• Horror Situation: Vivian’s reflection independently grabs her.
• Monster Reveal: Vivian’s doppelgänger steps into reality as she’s trapped within the mirror.

EXT. SECLUDED BEACH HOUSE – DAY
Essence: The influencers, excited yet uneasy, arrive amid a brewing storm, highlighting rivalries and tensions.

INT. BEACH HOUSE FOYER – DAY
Essence: Vivian cryptically toasts to “transformation.” Tyler is wary, sensing something off.

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Essence: Conrad warns of the forecasted Nor’easter and reiterates the need to avoid mirrors at night. Some influencers laugh it off; Tyler and Lily remain cautious.

INT. BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Essence: As the storm intensifies, cell service cuts out, and the power flickers. Some in the group notice eerie reflections moving independently.
• Horror Situation: Storm isolates the house, and reflections act unusually.
• Monster Reveal: Brief, eerie glimpses of distorted reflections as a hint of what’s to come.

INT. BROOKE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Essence: Brooke’s reflection grabs her and pulls her into the mirror, leaving bloody streaks. Her doppelgänger emerges.
• Horror Situation: Reflection acts with aggression and independence.
• Scare: Reflection suddenly lunges, initiating a violent struggle.
• Monster Reveal: Brooke’s doppelgänger appears.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Essence: The group searches for Brooke, thinking she’s playing a prank. Tyler notices blood on the mirror but keeps his suspicions to himself.

EXT. POOL AREA – NIGHT
Essence: Jonah’s reflection pulls him under the water, and his dry doppelgänger emerges.
• Horror Situation: Reflection reaches out from the water and drowns him.
• Scare: Reflection’s hand breaks through the water.
• Monster Reveal: Jonah’s doppelgänger appears, unaffected by water.

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Essence: Tensions rise as the group notices changes in Jonah and Brooke’s behavior. Tyler shares his theories about Vivian’s myth with Lily, who begins to take him seriously.

INT. SOPHIA’S ROOM – NIGHT
Essence: Sophia’s doppelgänger, an idealized version of herself, lures her in and replaces her.
• Horror Situation: Reflection appears perfect, playing to Sophia’s vanity.
• Scare: Reflection gestures, enticing her.
• Monster Reveal: Sophia’s doppelgänger steps forward.

EXT. BEACH HOUSE – DAY
Essence: The group, frightened, attempts to leave, but the storm has intensified, cutting off all routes. Vivian reassures them it’s safer to stay put, feeding their paranoia.
• Horror Elements: Adds a rising feeling of entrapment, emphasizing the hopelessness of the storm.

INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Essence: Cassidy’s reflection distorts, and the mirror shatters, slicing her. Her reflection watches coldly.
• Horror Situation: Mirror shatters, disfiguring her.
• Scare: Mirror explodes outward suddenly.
• Monster Reveal: Cassidy’s flawless doppelgänger emerges.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Essence: Riley hears what he believes to be Brooke’s voice, reaches into the mirror, and is crushed as his reflection emerges.
• Horror Situation: Reflection traps and crushes Riley.
• Scare: Brooke’s voice lures him.
• Monster Reveal: Riley’s twisted doppelgänger appears.

INT. STUDY – NIGHT
Essence: Tyler, Lily, and Zara search the study and uncover photos, confirming Vivian’s age and connections to disappearances.
• Horror Elements: Builds dread and an understanding of the house’s dark history, preparing the group to fight back.

INT. DARKROOM – NIGHT
Essence: Zara’s reflection, seen in a cracked mirror, slowly crushes her head against the glass.
• Horror Situation: Zara’s own face presses and twists against the glass.
• Scare: Reflection appears suddenly in the window.
• Monster Reveal: Zara’s doppelgänger exits as she’s killed.

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Essence: Mason tries to smash the mirrors but is impaled by shards, with his reflection emerging in his place.
• Horror Situation: Shards fly, trapping him as he’s impaled.
• Scare: Mirror cracks suddenly before he’s killed.
• Monster Reveal: Mason’s reflection exits, smiling coldly.

INT. STUDY – NIGHT
Essence: They discover documents revealing Vivian’s history and the need to destroy the mirrors, specifically suggesting burning the house to sever the curse.

EXT. BEACH HOUSE – DAWN
Essence: Tyler and Lily spread gasoline around the house, but they catch sight of their own reflections grinning menacingly in the windows.
• Horror Situation: Reflections watch from all angles, trapping them with their own images.
• Scare: Reflections appear suddenly.
• Monster Reveal: Reflections show taunting smiles as they prepare to burn the house.

INT. FOYER – DAWN
Essence: Vivian’s doppelgänger taunts Tyler and Lily, subtly suggesting they can’t escape even by burning the house, before disappearing.
• Horror Situation: Vivian’s reflection is unmoved by their plans.
• Scare: Sudden appearance and taunting dialogue.
• Monster Reveal: Vivian’s doppelgänger’s final words indicate the curse persists.

EXT. POOLSIDE CABANA – DAWN
Essence: Tyler and Lily watch the house burn, but the pool’s reflection reveals distorted images, implying the curse remains.
• Horror Situation: Lingering, haunting reflections.
• Scare: Shadows in the water imply future danger.
• Monster Reveal: Reflections in the water remain, hinting that the mirror curse lives on.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim's Horror Outline Version 1 (very first version, btw)

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I already want to change up the outline to a weekend and not just one night.

1. INT. VIVIAN’S STUDIO – NIGHT
Essence: Vivian’s reflection reaches through the mirror and drags her in, leaving her doppelgänger to replace her, hinting at the curse of Vanity and our monster, Vivian.
• Horror Situation: Vivian is replaced by her reflection, symbolizing vanity and horror.
• Emotions: Apprehension (Vivian examining herself), Shock (reflection reaches out), Anguish (Vivian’s entrapment).
• Scares: Reflection acts independently, causing an unexpected grab.
• Release: Moment of calm as she breaks free for a second before her final pull through.
• Monster Reveal: Vivian’s ageless doppelgänger steps out, shatters the mirror into pieces, each with a piece of the original screaming for help.

2. EXT. SECLUDED BEACH HOUSE – DAY
Essence: The influencers arrive, jealousies between influencers and culture behavior heightened and excited but sensing the house’s isolated and ominous atmosphere.

3. INT. BEACH HOUSE FOYER – DAY
Essence: Vivian greets the group and explains what the house has to offer with a cryptic toast to “transformation.” Tyler is wary of her.

4. INT. BEACH HOUSE – VARIOUS ROOMS – NIGHT
Essence: Conrad, the cryptic property manager, warns them of a forecasted Nor’easter and mentions Vivian’s strange history. Tyler listens closely, intrigued.

5. INT. BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Essence: As the storm cuts off communication, and the power flickers from the generator, various members of the group notice subtle oddities in the mirrors, but they laugh it off as nerves.
• Horror situation: The storm rolls in, cuts off cell service and flickering the power
• Emotions: Apprehension (are the reflections real), anxiety (the dark and storm)
• Scares: ghoulish reflections on reflective surfaces
• Release: lights come back on, everyone relaxes

6. INT. BROOKE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Essence: Brooke is grabbed by her reflection and pulled into the mirror, leaving bloody streaks. Her doppelgänger emerges, smiling coldly.
• Horror Situation: Brooke’s reflection becomes aggressive and violent.
• Emotions: Fear (noticing reflection moving independently), Dread (realizing the danger), Shock (being pulled through).
• Scares: Sudden movement of the reflection, sinister smile.
• Release: Silence as her reflection observes her.
• Monster Reveal: Brooke’s doppelgänger steps out, replacing her.

7. INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Essence: The group searches for Brooke, assuming she’s playing a prank. Tyler notices the blood on the mirror but says nothing, creating tension with Jonah. Brooke shows up later.

8. EXT. POOL AREA – NIGHT
Essence: Jonah’s reflection reaches up through the water and drowns him. His dry doppelgänger emerges, indifferent.
• Horror Situation: Jonah’s reflection drags him under the water.
• Emotions: Suspense (footsteps approaching), Panic (water distorting his face), Horror (reflection holding him down).
• Scares: Reflection moves indpendently in the water.
• Release: Pool quiets after the attack.
• Monster Reveal: Jonah’s dry doppelgänger walks back into the house.

9. INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Essence: The group realizes something is wrong with Jonah and Brooke. Tyler shares his theories about Vivian, but only Lily takes him seriously.

10. INT. SOPHIA’S ROOM – NIGHT
Essence: Sophia’s doppelgänger pulls her through the mirror, twisting her body painfully.
• Horror Situation: Sophia’s reflection distorts to lure her in, embodying her vanity.
• Emotions: Surprise (seeing an idealized version of herself), Panic (being grabbed), Shock (bones snapping).
• Scares: Reflection beckons her.
• Release: A brief moment of calm as she reaches out.
• Monster Reveal: Sophia’s perfect doppelgänger replaces her.

11. INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Essence: Cassidy leans into a cracked mirror, and the glass shatters outward, slicing her. Her reflection watches with a cold smile.
• Horror Situation: Cassidy’s reflection embodies her fear of imperfection.
• Emotions: Apprehension (examining herself closely), Panic (mirror shattering), Horror (reflection’s cold stare).
• Scares: Sudden shattering of glass.
• Release: Moment of silence before the doppelgänger emerges.
• Monster Reveal: Cassidy’s flawless doppelgänger steps forward.

12. INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Essence: Riley hears Brooke’s voice calling for help. He reaches into a mirror and is crushed by his reflection, which twists his body as it replaces him.
• Horror Situation: Riley’s own reflection becomes his trap.
• Emotions: Suspense (hearing Brooke’s voice), Dread (seeing reflection change), Horror (being crushed by his reflection).
• Scares: Voice calling for help.
• Release: Brief silence before he reaches out.
• Monster Reveal: Riley’s doppelgänger steps out, twisting unnaturally.

13. INT. DARKROOM – NIGHT
Essence: Zara hides in the darkroom, but her reflection slowly crushes her head against a window as she struggles.
• Horror Situation: Zara’s reflection embodies her fear of reality.
• Emotions: Panic (noticing movement), Dread (reflection appears), Horror (reflection crushes her head).
• Scares: Reflection seen in window.
• Release: Silence before it acts.
• Monster Reveal: Zara’s doppelgänger emerges, adjusting her hair.

14. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Essence: Mason frantically tries to destroy the mirrors, but a shard impales him. His doppelgänger steps out, copying his dying expression, finishes the job coldly, then tosses his body through the mirror.
• Horror Situation: Mason’s reflection mirrors his desperation.
• Emotions: Suspense (mirror cracks), Dread (reflection’s face), Horror (impaled by shard).
• Scares: Shards falling around him.
• Release: Moment of belief he’s wining just before impact of shard.
• Monster Reveal: Mason’s doppelgänger exits, mirroring his expression.

15. INT. STUDY – NIGHT
Essence: Tyler and Lily discover old photos, historical information. ,etc. on Vivian, now realizing that they need to destroy the house to confine her.

16. EXT. BEACH HOUSE – DAWN
Essence: Tyler and Lily find gasoline for the generator and spread it around the house to destroy it, hoping to burn down the house.

17. INT. BEACH HOUSE FOYER – DAWN
Essence: Tyler and Lily catch sight of their reflections in a window, grinning back menacingly. Vivian’s doppelgänger appears, taunting them before fading away, suggesting the curse’s persistence.
• Horror Situation: Their own reflections haunt them as they attempt to destroy the house.
• Emotions: Suspense (seeing reflections watching), Dread (Vivian’s doppelgänger), Anguish (realizing the curse persists).
• Scares: Reflections suddenly appear.
• Release: Silence as reflections fade.
• Monster Reveal: Vivian’s doppelgänger smiles cryptically.

18. EXT. POOLSIDE CABANA – DAWN
Essence: Tyler and Lily watch the house burn, glimpsing distorted reflections in the pool. They walk away, leaving the reflections behind, uncertain if they’ve truly escaped.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 4 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim's Scary as Hell scene

What I learned from doing this is that I can probably make it even scarier (after writing this twice)

Horror Map for the Climax Scene

Horror Situation:
Tyler and Lily are cornered by their doppelgängers in the basement. The doppelgängers have gained strength, relentlessly toying with them, pushing Tyler and Lily toward hysteria.

Emotional Sequence: From Fear to Hysteria

1. Fear – Tyler and Lily hear footsteps echoing around them, too close to be anything but intentional.
– Physical Action: Tyler and Lily exchange a terrified look, realizing they’re trapped.
– Scare: The footsteps stop suddenly, plunging the room into silence.

2. Suspense – They brace themselves, straining to listen as the shadows stretch and deepen around them.
– Physical Action: Lily grips Tyler’s hand, trembling, as both watch the shadows, half-expecting their reflections to emerge from them.
– Release: A creak from above, almost like a false sense of security that something or someone might be approaching to help.

3. Dread – Their own faces appear in a cracked mirror on the wall, grinning back, independent of their expressions.
– Physical Action: Tyler and Lily gasp, stepping back as their reflections move in twisted, jerky ways, hands pressed against the glass as though they’re ready to step through.

4. Anguish – Tyler watches helplessly as Lily’s doppelgänger grabs her, pulling her toward the mirror.
– Physical Action: Tyler lunges forward, desperately reaching for her as she screams his name.
– Scare: Lily’s face contorts in horror as her reflection tightens its grip.

5. Panic – Tyler grabs a broken piece of mirror to fight back, but his own doppelgänger blocks him with a disturbing ease.
– Physical Action: Tyler struggles, swinging wildly, but his reflection smiles back, twisting his arm until he drops the shard.
– Release: He staggers, getting a few inches away, thinking he might escape—but his reflection is faster.

6. Horror – Both reflections press their faces and hands against the mirrors, mouths stretching open as they laugh, taunting Tyler and Lily.
– Physical Action: Tyler and Lily scream, their own voices echoing in distorted, mocking laughter from their doppelgängers.
– Scare: The reflections start chanting their names, pushing through the mirrors as their laughter grows.

7. Hysteria – Tyler and Lily collapse, sobbing and laughing uncontrollably as they’re trapped between the mirrors and their doppelgängers, who slowly reach out to claim them.
– Physical Action: Tyler, losing all control, tries to shatter the mirror with his bare hands, but it only cracks, trapping him even further.
– Final Scare: Their reflections pull them into the mirror world, their screams fading as the room falls silent.

Scene Draft: Climax Scene – Final Confrontation with the Doppelgängers

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

The storm outside rattles the walls, and faint, ominous footsteps echo in the darkened basement. Tyler and Lily stand back-to-back, breathing heavily, eyes darting around as the sound grows louder.

LILY
(barely a whisper)
Tyler… they’re here.

Tyler reaches for her hand, squeezing tightly, their eyes wide as the footsteps stop suddenly. A tense silence follows, thick and oppressive.

Lily trembles, clutching Tyler’s hand like a lifeline. Shadows stretch across the walls, creeping toward them.

TYLER
(strained)
Stay close… don’t let go.

From the corner of his eye, Tyler catches movement—a glint of something familiar. He turns, and his heart stops as he sees his own face staring back from a cracked mirror on the wall, grinning with dark, gleeful malice.

Lily gasps, her reflection joining Tyler’s, eyes glinting with a sinister light. Both reflections press their palms against the glass, fingers stretching as though testing the barrier.

LILY
(horrified)
No… no, that’s… that’s not us.

Her reflection tilts its head, that same grin widening, lips peeling back to reveal too many teeth.*

TYLER
(trembling)
They’re… they’re trying to get out.

Suddenly, Lily’s doppelgänger slams a hand through the mirror, shattering the glass. Shards fall like rain, and the doppelgänger grabs Lily, pulling her forward as she screams.
LILY
(screaming)
Tyler! Help me!

Tyler lunges forward, grabbing Lily’s other arm, pulling her back with all his strength. But his own doppelgänger blocks him, a twisted smile stretching across its face.

TYLER
(struggling)
Let her go! Let her—

His reflection catches his wrist, twisting it until he drops a shard he’d grabbed for defense. Tyler grimaces in pain, his voice breaking as he watches Lily’s face contort in horror, her reflection’s grip unrelenting.

The doppelgängers press their faces and hands closer, distorted laughter filling the room, echoing from the walls. Their voices turn into chants, whispering Tyler’s and Lily’s names in a mocking, sing-song tone.

TYLER (DOPPELGÄNGER)
(whispering)
Tyler… Tyler… come join us…

Lily’s doppelgänger grins wider, her eyes wide with malice as she pulls Lily closer. Tyler’s breaths come in panicked gasps, his eyes darting desperately for any escape.
TYLER
(panicked)
No… no, this isn’t real! This isn’t—

But his voice is drowned out by laughter—his own laugh, twisted and warped, coming from his reflection as it leans close, trapping him against the wall.

Tyler’s mind shatters, his laugh blending with his sobs as he tries to claw at the mirror. The glass cracks further, spiderwebbing around his reflection, but it won’t break.

TYLER (DOPPELGÄNGER)
(smiling)
There’s no way out, Tyler.
The screen goes black. A final, anguished scream, leaving the basement silent once more.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim's Scares, Releases and Creepy Moments

What I learned from this assignment is that it was fun to scare and release!

Scene Outline: Zara hiding in the darkroom

1. Scare: Zara hears faint footsteps outside the darkroom. As the sound gets closer, she presses herself against the wall, holding her breath, heart pounding as the doorknob slowly turns—but it stops suddenly, leaving her in tense silence.

2. Release: Zara cautiously relaxes, thinking she’s safe and alone. She checks the darkroom’s red lighting, relieved that no reflections can appear. She takes a deep breath, leaning against the counter and laughing nervously at her own paranoia.

3. Creepy Moment: As she adjusts her camera settings, she catches a glimpse of something moving in the corner of the darkroom. Slowly, she turns, seeing her reflection in a cracked mirror on the wall. It smiles back with an unnatural, almost predatory grin, moving independently of her own expression. Her reflection raises its hand, beckoning her to come closer.

Scene Draft: Zara in the Darkroom

INT. DARKROOM – NIGHT

The small, confined space is bathed in a dim red light. Film canisters and developing trays clutter the counters, casting distorted shadows on the walls. Zara slips inside, breathing heavily as she locks the door behind her. She leans against it, closing her eyes, trying to steady her nerves.

Outside, faint footsteps echo down the hallway, pausing just outside the door. The doorknob rattles slightly, and Zara’s eyes fly open, her pulse hammering in her throat. She presses herself flat against the wall, holding her breath as the footsteps stop.

After a tense beat, the footsteps fade, moving away. Zara exhales slowly, releasing a shaky laugh.

ZARA
(breathing heavily)

Get it together, Zara… You’re safe in here.

She looks around the darkroom, squinting in the dim light. No mirrors, no reflections—just the comforting red glow of the developing equipment. She takes a deep breath, letting her shoulders relax as she approaches the counter, fiddling with her camera, calming herself.
She reaches for a film strip and she sees a shadow shift in the corner of her eye. Her head snaps up, and her blood runs cold as she sees her reflection in a cracked mirror on the wall—one she hadn’t noticed before.
Her reflection stares back, grinning with an unsettling, twisted smile that doesn’t match her own expression.

ZARA
(barely whispering)
No…

The reflection tilts its head, its eyes narrowing with a predatory glint. Zara’s breath catches as it raises its hand slowly, beckoning her with a curling finger. Her hands tremble, and she backs away, eyes glued to the reflection as it steps closer to the glass, face pressing against it as if trying to break through.

ZARA
(whispering)
Stay the fuck away.

Her reflection’s smile widens, showing too many teeth. It presses its hand against the glass, leaving a dark, smeared print that seems to bleed into the mirror’s cracks. The reflection’s voice comes in a whisper, distorted and chilling, matching Zara’s but with a cruel edge.

ZARA (REFLECTION)
(whispering)
You can’t hide from yourself, Zara…

With a final, desperate look, Zara spins around, grabbing at the door handle, struggling to twist it open as her own distorted face laughs softly behind her, echoing in the small space.
The door finally opens, and Zara stumbles out, leaving the darkroom door swinging open as her laughter fades into silence.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim's horror emotions #3

What I learned from doing this assignment is that my characters are going to suffer…

Scene Outline: Final Confrontation

Anguish:

Tyler and Lily are separated as their doppelgängers toy with them. Tyler hears Lily’s screams as she’s cornered, forced to watch from a distance as she fights back, helplessly experiencing anguish for her pain and fear.

Panic:

Tyler desperately searches for anything to protect them, realizing his options are running out. He tries to grab Lily, but his reflection blocks him at every turn. Their adrenaline spikes, and irrationality takes over as they try to escape the impending attack.

Horror:

They both witness their doppelgängers smirking and slowly advancing, mimicking their terror as though mocking them. Tyler’s doppelgänger grabs his arm, forcing him to look into the mirror’s dark depths where distorted, screaming faces writhe in agony.

Hysteria:

Tyler and Lily break down, screaming and laughing hysterically as they’re cornered, pushed far beyond their breaking points. In their desperation, Tyler fights his doppelgänger, who overpowers him with ease, as Lily is helplessly dragged into her own reflection.

Scene: Final Confrontation

INT. BASEMENT – DAWN

The storm rages outside, casting eerie, flickering shadows across the walls. Tyler and Lily stand back-to-back, panting and wild-eyed, each
watching a twisted version of themselves slowly emerge from the darkness.

LILY
(breathless)
Tyler… they’re coming. I can’t… I can’t do this…

Tyler’s eyes dart around, searching desperately for something, anything that can help them. His own reflection—an eerie, malicious twin—steps forward, mirroring his every movement but with a slow, mocking grin.

TYLER
(stammering)
Lily… don’t… don’t let them get too close. Just stay with me, we’ll—

But his words are drowned by a piercing scream as Lily’s doppelgänger grabs her arm, yanking her forward. Tyler reaches out to grab her, but his own doppelgänger blocks his path, gripping his shoulders in a cold, vice-like grip.

TYLER
(anguished)
No! Lily! Let her go!

He strains against the doppelgänger’s grip, his face twisted in horror as he watches Lily struggle. Her face contorts, her eyes pleading with him even as her doppelgänger mimics her fear with a twisted smile.

LILY
(sobbing)
Tyler, help me… please… I can’t—

Her words are cut short as her reflection leans close, whispering into her ear, making her convulse in terror. Tyler’s heart races, and his breaths come shallow and quick, panic overtaking him as he looks around desperately.

TYLER
(shouting)
Stop it! Leave her alone!

The basement walls seem to close in around them. Tyler tries to wrench free, but his doppelgänger presses his face into a shattered mirror, forcing him to look into the dark, distorted depths.

Inside the mirror, he sees endless faces staring back, each one twisted in silent screams, some familiar, others nightmarishly deformed. His own reflection grins, pressing harder.

TYLER
(horrified)
No… no, no, no…

The faces writhe, mouths open in silent agony as Tyler’s own face contorts in terror, forced to confront the horror directly. Lily’s screams echo in his ears, and his mind begins to fracture.

With a final burst of adrenaline, Tyler yanks free and lunges for Lily, but it’s too late. Her doppelgänger smiles, pulling her backward, dragging her body toward the mirror as Lily thrashes, her own laugh blending with a shrill, uncontrollable sob.

LILY
(hysterical)
Tyler! It’s me! I’m… still here…

But her doppelgänger drags her, laughing, and Lily’s voice shifts, breaking into a twisted laughter, blending with the reflection’s laughter, mocking her fear. Tyler stumbles forward, broken and overwhelmed, his face twisted in helpless agony.

TYLER
(laughing hysterically)
You can’t… this isn’t real… It’s not real!

The doppelgängers close in on him from all sides. Tyler collapses to his knees, his laughter turning into a gut-wrenching sob as his own doppelgänger places a hand on his shoulder, leaning close.

TYLER (DOPPELGÄNGER)
(whispering)
Oh, but it is, Tyler… It’s very real.

Tyler’s eyes widen as he stares into the eyes of his double, losing himself in a twisted reflection of his own fear. The reflection’s grin widens until it splits into a sickening, distorted smile, enveloping him as darkness closes in.

FADE TO BLACK.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim's Level 2 Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned from doing this assignment is that dread and suspense can be used a lot, but Fear is that great icing!

Scene Outline: Jonah’s Disappearance

1.Fear:
Jonah approaches the pool alone, scoffing at Tyler’s growing paranoia. He leans over to splash water on his face, but as he looks down, his reflection lingers, grinning with a dark intensity. The water ripples, distorting his reflection into something unnatural, making Jonah uneasy.

2.Suspense:
Jonah leans in closer, checking his face in the water as the night around him grows deathly silent. He turns, convinced he hears footsteps, but sees no one. Returning to his reflection, the rippling water calms—only to show his reflection again, now moving in ways he hasn’t.

3.Dread:
Jonah realizes his reflection isn’t just distorted—it’s reaching up toward him, as though it wants to pull him in. Despite his terror, he can’t pull away fast enough. His reflection’s hand breaks through the water and seizes him, dragging him in. Jonah is helplessly pulled under, his scream muffled by the water.

Scene Draft: Jonah’s Disappearance

EXT. POOL AREA – NIGHT
The pool shimmers under the moonlight, its surface disturbed by the occasional raindrop from the storm gathering above. Jonah steps out, rolling his eyes, clearly annoyed by the tension inside.

JONAH
(under his breath)

Ghost stories and jump scares… Unbelievable.

He moves to the edge of the pool, crouching down. With a sigh, he dips his hands into the water, splashing his face to clear his head. The ripples distort his reflection, but as they settle, his reflection seems to grin back, twisted and sinister.
Jonah pulls his hands away. The smile fades, but his reflection’s eyes remain locked on him, just a shade too intense.

JONAH
(murmuring to himself)

What the hell…?

He leans in, examining the pool’s surface. The night around him grows quiet, almost unnaturally so. Jonah glances over his shoulder, half-expecting someone to jump out and yell “boo,” but there’s only silence.

When he turns back to the water, his reflection doesn’t match his movements. It leans toward him, tilting its head, eyes widening with a look of dark amusement. Jonah’s mouth goes dry, his breath catching.

JONAH
(whispering)

No way…

Suddenly, the reflections hands SHOOTS out of the water, swiping at his face. Jonah pulls back but the arm clasps his wrist tightly.

JONAH
(screaming, struggling)

What the fuck! Let go, motherfucker!

He thrashes, kicking and twisting, but the reflection’s grip tightens, pulling him forward. He gasps, his face inches from the water as he fights to free himself. His own distorted face sneers back, victorious.

With a violent pull, the reflection drags Jonah under the water. His scream is muffled as his head slips below the surface, swallowed by a silent, dark abyss. His hand reaches out desperately, his fingers clawing at the air, before they, too, are pulled under.

The water stills, leaving no sign of Jonah—just a faint ripple, and an eerie silence settling over the pool.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

TIM'S HORROR EMOTION SCENE

What I learned from doing this assignment is that 1. I think I have too many characters. And 2. I REALLY want to scare them all before I kill them…

Scene Outline: Brooke’s Encounter – first death

1. Establishing Anxiety/Apprehension:
Brooke enters her room and sets up her phone to record a vlog, talking about the eerie vibes of the house. She’s excited, but there’s an undercurrent of nervous energy as she acknowledges the isolation and strange atmosphere, though she brushes it off.

She starts vlogging in front of the mirror, noticing a flicker or odd movement in her reflection. She stops and stares, chalking it up to a glitch or her imagination, but the mood shifts subtly to unease.

2. Surprise:
As she checks the playback, her reflection doesn’t match her recorded gestures. Brooke feels unsettled as her reflection holds an expression she knows she didn’t make. She leans closer, surprised but curious, almost trying to confront her “other self.”

3. Shock:
The reflection suddenly moves independently, grinning widely, and reaches out toward Brooke. Before she can react, her reflection pulls her violently through the mirror’s surface. Blood spatters the glass as her reflection exits the mirror, taking her place with a satisfied, eerie calm.

SCENE:

INT. BROOKE’S ROOM – NIGHT

The storm is raging outside, casting fleeting shadows across Brooke’s dimly lit room. She props her phone against a flickering table lamp, angling it toward the large, ornate mirror hanging on the wall. She hits record, eyeing her reflection as she begins her vlog.

BROOKE

"Hey guys… checking in from the freakiest house I’ve ever stayed in. Middle of nowhere, can’t call anyone, and I’m totally alone… Spooky, right?"

She chuckles, but a hint of apprehension creeps in as her reflection seems to hesitate for a beat too long. The subtle delay is enough to give her pause, but she brushes it off, chalking it up to tired eyes.

BROOKE
(laughing nervously)

"Guess I’m getting too into character…"

She glances back at her phone to check the playback. As she watches, her reflection in the video lingers just a bit longer than her own movements—a half-smile lingering eerily on its lips. Brooke’s own smile falters.

Brooke rewinds the video, leaning in to get a closer look. Onscreen, her reflection is not mirroring her expressions. Instead, it stares back with an unsettling grin that she knows she never made.

BROOKE
(whispering to herself)
"What… what the hell…"

She looks up, her eyes locked on the mirror. Her reflection tilts its head, smirking with a cruel edge that sends a shiver down her spine.
Brooke inches closer, her breaths shallow, a thin layer of sweat forming on her brow. Her reflection leans in as well, gaze growing darker, more malicious. Suddenly, the reflection moves forward, its hand reaching out and pressing against the glass.
Brooke stumbles back, her heart racing as her reflection’s hand starts pushing through the mirror, stretching the glass like thick, viscous liquid.

BROOKE
(screaming)

"No. No!"

Before she can finish, the reflection’s hand clamps onto her wrist, its grip impossibly strong. Brooke yelps, thrashing, but it drags her closer. Her reflection’s eyes widen in dark excitement as it yanks her toward the mirror’s surface.

Brooke’s body slams against the glass, her face pressing painfully into it as the reflection drags her deeper, her skin pressing and stretching against the cold surface.

Blood begins to bead around her lips as the force presses her mouth shut, smearing against the mirror in sickening streaks.
In a brutal final tug, her reflection wrenches her through with a sickening, wet pop. Blood sprays onto the glass from the other side as the reflection steps out, adjusting its hair and wiping the blood from its cheek with a nonchalant smile.

It glances down at Brooke’s phone, still recording, and picks it up, whispering into the camera as it mimics Brooke’s voice.

BROOKE (DOPPELGÄNGER)

(whispering to the camera)
"Totally alone… or maybe not."

With a sly smile, it hits stop, ending the video as the storm rages outside.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Horror Outline Version #1

What I learned is that, again, writing from an outline into basic scenes is better than going from outline to full writing.

(very basic and first pass of the) Outline for “Reflected”

Prologue: Vivian’s Origin
INT. VIVIAN’S STUDIO – NIGHT
Vivian, a famous style maker, examines herself in a large mirror, obsessing over her appearance. Her reflection suddenly smiles back at her—a twisted, distorted version of her face. Her reflection reaches through the glass, dragging Vivian into the mirror. Her doppelgänger steps out, smiling cruelly. The original Vivian pounds on the other side of the glass before disappearing into darkness. The new Vivian, unchanged and ageless, adjusts her appearance and steps into the world.
ACT 1: Welcome to the Retreat
EXT. SECLUDED BEACH HOUSE – DAY
The remote beach house sits under overcast skies. A storm brews on the horizon as influencers arrive in luxury cars, excited for the exclusive retreat. The ocean crashes against the rocks, creating an ominous backdrop.
INT. BEACH HOUSE FOYER – DAY
Vivian greets the influencers, her charm unsettling yet magnetic. Tyler is visibly suspicious of her, while the others are too captivated by the luxurious surroundings to notice. She offers a cryptic toast to “transformation.”
INT. BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
The storm hits hard, cutting off all communication and trapping the group inside. The influencers notice subtle oddities in the mirrors—reflections that move too fast or hold unsettling smiles. They laugh it off, chalking it up to nerves or the strange energy of the house.
INT. BEACH HOUSE – VARIOUS ROOMS – NIGHT
Conrad, the cryptic groundskeeper, warns them about the mirrors, calling Vivian “the ghost of the airwaves.” His words are met with laughter, but Tyler pays close attention. The group jokes and continues exploring the house.
ACT 2: Unraveling Horror
INT. BROOKE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Brooke sets up her phone to record a vlog in front of an antique mirror. Her reflection lags behind her movements before grabbing her by the throat. She struggles, but it pulls her into the mirror, leaving bloody streaks behind. Her doppelgänger steps out, adjusting its smile.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The group searches for Brooke, annoyed by what they think is a prank. Tyler notices the blood on the mirror but keeps his thoughts to himself. Jonah dismisses Tyler’s concerns, calling them superstitions. Tension rises between them.
EXT. POOL AREA – NIGHT
Jonah washes his face in the pool, staring into his reflection. The water distorts his face before it reaches up and yanks him under. He thrashes beneath the water as his doppelgänger holds him down. The group finds his dry doppelgänger wandering back into the house, convinced he’s fine.
INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Panic sets in as the group realizes that Jonah and Brooke are acting strangely. Tyler shares his theory about Vivian’s myth and the mirror world. The others mock him, but Lily listens closely. They start covering the mirrors with sheets, desperate to prevent further attacks.
INT. SOPHIA’S ROOM – NIGHT
Sophia, drawn to a mirror, sees a more perfect version of herself. She touches the glass, and her reflection pulls her in, snapping her bones as it does. Her doppelgänger steps out, flawless and chillingly calm.
INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Cassidy, frantic and desperate to maintain her appearance, leans into a cracked mirror to fix her makeup. The glass shatters outward, slicing her face and body to pieces. Her doppelgänger emerges, looking down at her mangled body with a detached smile.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Riley hears what he thinks is Brooke’s voice calling for help behind a mirror. He reaches in, and his reflection crushes him inside the glass. His doppelgänger steps through, twisting his head unnaturally to match the smile.
ACT 3: Desperate Measures
INT. DARKROOM – NIGHT
Zara isolates herself, hiding in the shadows of the darkroom. Her reflection looms behind her in a window, pulling her head against the glass until it crushes her skull. Her doppelgänger steps out, smoothing her hair with a smile.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Mason tries to destroy the mirrors, but a large mirror wall shatters, sending shards flying into him. Pinned against the wall, he bleeds out as his doppelgänger steps through the broken glass, mirroring his last pained expression.
INT. STUDY – NIGHT
Tyler and Lily find notes about Vivian’s history and the mirror world. Tyler realizes that sunlight can weaken the doppelgängers. The first light of dawn offers them a glimmer of hope.
EXT. BEACH HOUSE – DAWN
Tyler and Lily use the rising sun’s light reflected off the ocean to confront their doppelgängers. Tyler’s double lunges at him, but he traps it in a shattered mirror, using sunlight to weaken it.
Final Confrontation & Resolution
INT. BEACH HOUSE FOYER – DAWN
As Tyler catches his breath, he spots Zara’s reflection in a window, grinning back at him. Vivian appears briefly in a distant mirror, offering a final, cryptic smile before fading away. Lily and Tyler realize the battle is not truly over, and the mirror world’s grip may return.
EXT. SECLUDED BEACH HOUSE – DAWN
Tyler and Lily stand at the edge of the property, looking out over the stormy ocean. As they stare at their own reflections in the water, Tyler’s reflection smirks back before disappearing beneath the waves. They walk away, haunted by the knowledge that the danger lingers.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim's Character Journey Track

What I learned from doing this assignment was that it seems insane to create this much depth for characters that I loathe and can't wait to kill in various ways…

CHARACTER PROFILES:

1. Tyler – The Rebel / Survivor

– Role: Conspiracy theorist influencer who aims to uncover the truth behind the myth of Vivian.

– Traits: Skeptical, sharp-minded, stubborn, often sarcastic.

– Fears: Being powerless or losing control; that he’s right but no one will listen.

– Wants/Needs: He wants validation that his conspiracy theories have merit and needs to prove that he’s not just paranoid. Deep down, he craves connection but struggles to trust others.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: Despite his often grating nature, his honesty and ability to see through illusions make him relatable. His determination to protect others once he understands the threat makes him worth rooting for.

– How They React Under Stress: Leans into paranoia, becomes more obsessive, and pushes others away when they doubt him. However, he also takes action and refuses to give up, which makes him resilient.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Rivalry with Mason: Clashes with Mason over leadership, as Mason dismisses Tyler’s theories.

– Connection with Zara: Finds a kinship with Zara’s cynicism and shares his suspicions with her, though she keeps him at arm’s length.

– Protective of Lily: Sees her as genuinely kind, and her belief in his theories pushes him to fight harder.

– Suspicious of Vivian: Keeps a close eye on her, believing she’s hiding something, which creates tension throughout.

2. Riley – The Rescuer / Victim

– Role: The moral compass who tries to keep everyone calm and focused on survival.

– Traits: Charismatic, empathetic, slightly overbearing, people-pleaser.

– Fears: Failing to protect others; being seen as weak or selfish.

– Wants/Needs: Desperately wants to be the one who saves the day and feels a need to be seen as a good person. He craves recognition for his selflessness.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: His genuine concern for others makes him likable, but his need to be the hero can sometimes feel self-serving.

– How They React Under Stress: Dramatizes and becomes increasingly frantic, trying to convince everyone to listen to him. Struggles to remain calm as the situation worsens.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Close to Cassidy: Protective of her, possibly nursing a secret crush, which clouds his judgment when it comes to her well-being.

– Rivalry with Tyler: Finds Tyler’s conspiracy theories irritating and tries to keep him from spreading panic.

– Supportive of Mason: Looks to Mason for leadership but tries to influence him to adopt a more compassionate approach.

– Dismissive of Sophia: Finds her vanity frustrating and tries to push her to be more selfless.

3. Mason – The Leader / Victim

– Role: The self-appointed leader who tries to organize the group’s survival efforts.

– Traits: Confident, authoritative, strategic thinker, stubborn.

– Fears: Losing control or failing to lead effectively; being exposed as inadequate.

– Wants/Needs: Wants to maintain control and prove that he can handle the crisis. He needs to be seen as strong and capable.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: His confidence can be reassuring in the early stages, but his refusal to listen to others can make him less likable as the situation escalates.

– How They React Under Stress: Blames others when plans fail, becomes more controlling, and refuses to accept alternative ideas. Can snap under pressure when he feels his authority is challenged.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Conflict with Tyler: Constantly butts heads with Tyler over what to do, dismissing his theories.

– Respected by Riley: Riley looks up to Mason, but Mason sometimes sees Riley as a distraction.

– Romantic Tension with Sophia: There’s an attraction between Mason and Sophia, though he’s critical of her focus on appearance.

– Dismissive of Lily: Sees her as too fragile to be helpful, which causes friction between them when she shows hidden strength.

4. Zara – The Introvert / Loner / Victim

– Role: The cynical photographer who observes from the sidelines, keeping to herself.

– Traits: Reserved, sarcastic, insightful, distant.

– Fears: Losing her independence; being forced to rely on others.

– Wants/Needs: Wants to stay out of the drama and avoid getting too involved. Needs to feel like she has control over her own fate.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: Her dry wit and honesty make her relatable, and her reluctance to trust adds a layer of depth.

– How They React Under Stress: Shuts down emotionally, becomes even more distant, and avoids taking sides. Reluctantly engages when her survival is directly threatened.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Aloof from Mason: Resents Mason’s need for control and questions his decisions.

– Mutual Respect with Tyler: Shares some of Tyler’s skepticism, though she doesn’t fully buy into his theories.

– Sympathy for Lily: Feels a protective instinct toward Lily, recognizing the strength behind her timid exterior.

– Dismissive of Riley’s Optimism: Finds Riley’s attempts to rally the group irritatingly naïve.

5. Sophia – The Out of Control / Victim

– Role: An OnlyFans star who thrives on attention and pushes boundaries for her audience.

– Traits: Flirty, confident, manipulative, vain.

– Fears: Becoming irrelevant; losing control over her image.

– Wants/Needs: Needs constant validation and craves the attention she gets online. Wants to maintain her relevance and visibility.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: Her boldness and refusal to conform to others’ expectations can be compelling, but her self-centeredness makes her harder to root for.

– How They React Under Stress: Deflects with humor and tries to maintain her image, even as the situation deteriorates. When truly afraid, she becomes desperate for validation and attention from others.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Flirts with Mason: Uses her charm to try and manipulate Mason, but is irritated by his dismissiveness.

– Dismissive of Tyler: Views Tyler as too paranoid and annoying, often making fun of his theories.

– Friction with Cassidy: Competes with Cassidy for attention, especially from the male influencers.

– Dismissive of Riley: Finds Riley’s hero complex tedious, but uses him for emotional support when scared.

6. Jonah – Monster Bait / Victim

– Role: The rational tech mogul who refuses to believe in the supernatural.

– Traits: Arrogant, analytical, dismissive, prideful.

– Fears: Anything he cannot explain or control; being wrong or humiliated.

– Wants/Needs: Wants to maintain his image as the smartest person in the room and needs to control the narrative.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: His intelligence can be admirable, but his dismissiveness and pride make him difficult to sympathize with.

– How They React Under Stress: Dismisses concerns, doubles down on rationality, and belittles others for believing in “superstitions.” Becomes increasingly frustrated as things become less explainable.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Dismissive of Tyler: Sees Tyler’s theories as nonsense and openly mocks him.

– Tolerates Mason: Views Mason as a useful leader but doesn’t respect his authority.

– Frustrated with Riley: Finds Riley’s emotional approach to situations irritating.

– Indifferent to Sophia and Cassidy: Sees them as superficial and not worth engaging with.

7. Brooke – The Carrier / First to Die

– Role: The thrill-seeker who is always chasing the next big story or viral moment.

– Traits: Bold, curious, energetic, adventurous.

– Fears: Being irrelevant; missing out on an opportunity.

– Wants/Needs: Wants to capture everything on camera and needs to prove that she’s always in the middle of the action.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: Her adventurous spirit is infectious, and her desire to push boundaries makes her an exciting presence.

– How They React Under Stress: Embraces the danger, seeing it as just another story until it’s too late. Her curiosity overrides her sense of caution.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Rivalry with Sophia: Competes for the spotlight, often trying to outdo Sophia in terms of attention and content.

– Friendship with Riley: Appreciates his supportive nature, though she doesn’t always take his concerns seriously.

– Dismisses Tyler: Finds his conspiracy theories amusing but not worth considering.

– Adventurous Bond with Mason: Sees Mason as a kindred spirit in their desire to take risks.

8. Cassidy – The Complainer / Victim

– Role: The beauty influencer obsessed with maintaining her perfect appearance.

– Traits: Vain, high-maintenance, dramatic, shallow.

– Fears: Imperfection; losing her looks or control over her appearance.

– Wants/Needs: Needs to feel admired and respected for her beauty and wants to keep up her carefully curated image.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: Her vulnerability under pressure reveals that she’s more insecure than she appears, making her sympathetic when the danger intensifies.

– How They React Under Stress: Dramatizes everything and becomes increasingly hysterical as her appearance deteriorates. Looks to others for reassurance.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Resents Sophia: Sees Sophia as competition and constantly tries to outshine her.

– Dependent on Riley: Relies on Riley for emotional support, manipulating his affection to get what she wants.

– Clashes with Zara: Finds Zara’s cynicism distasteful and condescending.

– Skeptical of Tyler: Thinks Tyler is just looking for attention with his theories.

CHARACTER JOURNEYS (in order of death)

1. Brooke – The Carrier / First to Die

– Character Intro: Brooke is introduced as the adventurous thrill-seeker, eager to capture the perfect content and push boundaries for her audience.

– Denial: Dismisses the strange behavior of reflections as “cool visuals” for her videos, seeing the house as an opportunity rather than a threat.

– Their Reaction at First Horror: When her reflection begins moving out of sync, she’s intrigued rather than scared, seeing it as a potential viral moment. Her curiosity keeps her engaged until it’s too late.

– Relation to Group After First Horror: Her disappearance shocks the group, but many assume she wandered off for more footage or is pulling a prank. It’s not until her blood is found that panic starts to set in.

– How They Fight Back: Brooke doesn’t truly have the chance to fight back; her curiosity leads her straight into the doppelgänger’s grasp.

– End Point: Dragged into the mirror by her reflection, leaving bloody streaks as the doppelgänger takes her place.

– What Insight Do Their Deaths Bring?: Brooke’s death shows the audience the deadly allure of the mirrors and sets the tone for how the reflections will manipulate each character’s flaws. Her absence creates the first rift of fear among the group.

2. Jonah – Monster Bait / Second to Die

– Character Intro: Jonah is the rational tech mogul who scoffs at the idea of anything supernatural, positioning himself as the voice of reason.

– Denial: Jonah refuses to believe anything is wrong, dismissing the group's concerns as hysteria and insisting there must be a logical explanation.

– Their Reaction at First Horror: After Brooke’s disappearance, he grows annoyed by Tyler’s theories and mocks the others for believing in “ghost stories.”

– Relation to Group After First Horror: His skepticism distances him from the group, especially Tyler, creating tension. Others look to him for reassurance, but his refusal to listen makes him seem increasingly out of touch.

– How They Fight Back: Jonah tries to debunk the fear by directly interacting with the pool’s reflection, aiming to prove it’s harmless.

– End Point: His doppelgänger drags him into the pool, holding him underwater while the group sees his distorted, terrified face beneath the surface. His doppelgänger emerges dry, taking his place.

– What Insight Do Their Deaths Bring?: Jonah’s death reveals that the reflections can manipulate the physical world and are far more dangerous than anyone imagined. It emphasizes that denial is no protection from the danger.

3. Sophia – The Out of Control / Third to Die

– Character Intro: Sophia is introduced as a bold, flirty influencer who thrives on attention and validation, using her looks as her primary currency.

– Denial: She brushes off the initial warnings, convinced that any strange occurrences can be used to her advantage as part of her brand.

– Their Reaction at First Horror: Sophia is unnerved by Jonah’s disappearance but clings to the belief that she can use the situation to her benefit, seeking to maintain her composed, confident image.

– Relation to Group After First Horror: She distances herself from the more fearful members, trying to remain self-assured. Her tension with Cassidy grows, as they compete for the group’s attention.

– How They Fight Back: Sophia tries to leverage her vanity against the reflections, thinking she can charm or manipulate her mirror image.

– End Point: Her reflection seduces her with a more perfect version of herself, pulling her into the glass as her body contorts and snaps. Her doppelgänger emerges with flawless, unsettling composure.

– What Insight Do Their Deaths Bring?: Sophia’s death warns the group—and the audience—about the danger of self-obsession. It shows that the reflections can use the characters’ deepest desires against them.

4. Cassidy – The Complainer / Fourth to Die

– Character Intro: Cassidy is the high-maintenance beauty influencer, constantly preoccupied with her appearance and irritated by the discomforts of the retreat.

– Denial: Despite growing tensions, Cassidy refuses to believe that the mirrors are truly dangerous, seeing the others as overreacting. She focuses on maintaining her appearance amid the chaos.

– Their Reaction at First Horror: Jonah’s disappearance and Sophia’s odd behavior start to shake her composure, but she clings to her belief that they are just trying to scare her.

– Relation to Group After First Horror: Becomes more dependent on Riley for emotional support, leaning into her damsel persona, which grates on others like Tyler and Zara.

– How They Fight Back: Cassidy tries to keep up appearances, literally, focusing on fixing her makeup even as the mirrors become more menacing.

– End Point: While touching up in front of a cracked mirror, the glass shatters outward, slicing her face and body to pieces. Her doppelgänger steps through the shards, smiling coldly as Cassidy bleeds out.

– What Insight Do Their Deaths Bring?: Cassidy’s death illustrates that the mirrors exploit vanity and denial. Her gruesome end drives home that the reflections are ruthless in exploiting personal weaknesses.

5. Riley – The Rescuer / Fifth to Die

– Character Intro: Riley is the empathetic, supportive influencer who tries to keep everyone calm and focused on survival.

– Denial: Even as the situation becomes dire, Riley clings to the belief that they can figure out what’s happening and get through it if they stick together.

– Their Reaction at First Horror: He tries to rally the group after Jonah and Sophia disappear, urging them to stay calm and work together.

– Relation to Group After First Horror: Becomes more protective, especially toward Cassidy, but his desire to help starts to come off as desperation.

– How They Fight Back: Riley attempts to physically pull a trapped “Brooke” out of a mirror, refusing to accept that she’s gone.

– End Point: The reflection traps and crushes him inside the glass, leaving him twisted and broken as his doppelgänger emerges.

– What Insight Do Their Deaths Bring?: Riley’s death shows that the desire to save others can be used as a trap. It reveals that even the well-intentioned are vulnerable to the manipulations of the reflections.

6. Zara – The Introvert / Loner / Sixth to Die

– Character Intro: Zara is the cynical photographer who keeps her distance, observing the group’s dynamics with a critical eye.

– Denial: Zara is skeptical of the supernatural but suspects that something is off with Vivian and the house. She keeps her concerns mostly to herself, unwilling to fully engage.

– Their Reaction at First Horror: Zara becomes more cautious, avoiding reflective surfaces and keeping herself physically distant from the group.

– Relation to Group After First Horror: She tries to warn others subtly but refuses to put herself on the line for them. Tension rises with Tyler as he pushes her to engage more directly.

– How They Fight Back: Zara attempts to stay out of the mirrors’ reach by isolating herself, using the darkroom as a sanctuary.

– End Point: Her reflection drags her through a darkened window, crushing her head against the glass as she’s pulled into the shadowy depths.

– What Insight Do Their Deaths Bring?: Zara’s death highlights that isolation is not a defense against the mirrors. It shows that avoiding the problem won’t keep one safe from the inevitable.

7. Mason – The Leader / Seventh to Die

– Character Intro: Mason is the self-appointed leader who tries to take charge of the group’s survival efforts.

– Denial: Mason refuses to believe that the situation is out of his control, convinced that he can outthink and outplan whatever is happening.

– Their Reaction at First Horror: He becomes frustrated when others, especially Tyler, challenge his leadership, focusing on practical solutions like breaking the mirrors.

– Relation to Group After First Horror: His need for control puts him at odds with Tyler, but Riley’s support emboldens him, even as others lose faith.

– How They Fight Back: He leads a coordinated effort to destroy the mirrors but underestimates their power and the doppelgängers’ ability to manipulate the reflections.

– End Point: The mirror wall collapses on him, pinning him with jagged shards as his doppelgänger emerges to finish him off.

– What Insight Do Their Deaths Bring?: Mason’s death demonstrates that overconfidence is deadly in the face of the supernatural. It marks the turning point where the survivors realize they can’t control the situation.

8. Tyler and Lily – Survivors

– Tyler:

– Character Intro: Tyler is the conspiracy theorist who attends the retreat to debunk the myth of Vivian.

– Denial: He’s suspicious from the start but keeps his theories to himself until the first signs of danger appear.

– Their Reaction at First Horror: Tyler’s paranoia ramps up, and he starts taking action, covering mirrors and trying to decipher the nature of the threat.

– Relation to Group After First Horror: He alienates some of the group with his theories, but forms a tentative alliance with Zara and later Lily.

– How They Fight Back: He uses his knowledge of the myth to find ways to weaken the doppelgängers and break the mirrors strategically.

– End Point: Defeats his own doppelgänger, using a combination of light and mirror traps. Survives with the grim understanding that the mirror world’s threat isn’t entirely gone.

– What Insight Do Their Survival Bring?: Tyler’s survival emphasizes that knowledge, even when seen as paranoia, is crucial to overcoming the supernatural threat.

– Lily:

– Character Intro: Lily is the anxious and shy influencer who is often underestimated.

– Denial: Initially clings to the hope that everything will resolve itself if they stay calm.

– Their Reaction at First Horror: Begins to believe Tyler after the first disappearances, quietly aligning with his theories.

– Relation to Group After First Horror: Becomes more assertive in urging others to listen to Tyler, showing a hidden strength that surprises the group.

– How They Fight Back: Supports Tyler’s efforts to weaken the doppelgängers, using her keen observation skills to notice inconsistencies between the doppelgängers and the originals.

– End Point: Survives alongside Tyler, more resilient than before, but deeply haunted by what she has witnessed.

– What Insight Do Their Survival Bring?: Lily’s survival shows that strength comes from unexpected places, and those who see beyond appearances can find a way through the terror.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil Established:

Vivian’s original self, a style maker from generations ago, is replaced by her doppelgänger. Her eerie legacy stretches through decades, adapting to each new medium. She welcomes the group to the retreat, her presence radiating an unsettling charm.

– Monster Reveal: Vivian is shown being replaced in a flashback, setting the eerie tone.

– Demand: Establishes the danger of mirrors and the concept of replacement.

Character Intro:

– Brooke: Thrill-seeker, eager to explore. Sees the house as an opportunity for unique content.

– Jonah: Dismissive tech mogul, the rational one who mocks the supernatural.

– Sophia: Confident, self-absorbed, looking for the perfect content to maintain her influence.

– Cassidy: Focused on her looks, sees the retreat as a chance to relax while staying beautiful.

– Riley: The compassionate one, eager to keep the group united and safe.

– Zara: Cynical observer, keeping her distance but subtly watching everyone.

– Mason: Self-appointed leader, takes charge from the start, organizing the group's activities.

– Tyler: Skeptical conspiracy theorist, attending with a hidden agenda to investigate Vivian’s rumored immortality.

– Lily: Shy, overlooked, but watches Tyler’s behavior with curiosity.

The Characters are Warned Not to Do It:

Conrad warns the group about the strange occurrences in the house, emphasizing the danger of mirrors.

– Monster Reveal: Conrad’s warnings include references to disappearances surrounding Vivian.

– Demand: Increases the eerie atmosphere, but the group dismisses his warnings.

Denial:

– Brooke: Eagerly dismisses Conrad’s warnings, thinking it’ll make for great footage.

– Jonah: Rationalizes the warnings as superstition, laughing it off.

– Sophia: Sees the house’s oddities as just another dramatic setting to manipulate for content.

– Cassidy: Scoffs at the idea of danger, focusing more on self-care.

– Riley: Tries to calm everyone, thinking they’re overreacting to the creepy atmosphere.

– Zara: Watches the reactions but keeps her own concerns to herself.

– Mason: Assumes control, dismissing the warnings as a means to maintain calm.

– Tyler: Listens closely, feeling a thrill at the confirmation of his suspicions.

– Lily: Nervous but hopes Tyler’s curiosity doesn’t cause trouble.

Safety Taken Away:

A sudden storm traps the group inside the house, cutting off communication. The mirrors seem to pulse with a strange energy, creating an unsettling environment.

– Horror Situation: The house is isolated by the storm, reflections in windows and mirrors multiply.

– Reaction – Denial: The group jokes about going dark, but the tension builds.

– Character Reactions:

– Brooke: Sees this as a chance for unique content.

– Jonah: Continues to dismiss the tension, reassuring others it’s just a storm.

– Sophia: Focuses on maintaining her aesthetic despite the setting.

– Riley Tries to keep everyone focused on enjoying themselves despite the storm.

– Zara: Withdraws to observe from the shadows.

– Mason: Tries to take charge, organizing the group’s activities indoors.

– Tyler: Begins mapping the house’s reflective surfaces, increasingly anxious.

– Lily* Observes Tyler’s behavior and starts to worry that he might be right.

Monster: The Nature of the Beast:

Brooke is the first to encounter the danger. Her reflection becomes aggressive, dragging her into the glass, leaving only streaks of blood behind.

– Horror Situation: Brooke’s disappearance is marked by bloody streaks.

– Reaction – Confusion: The group searches but believes she’s playing a prank.

– Character Reactions:

– Brooke’s Denial ends with her death, setting the tone.

– Group Reactions:

– Jonah: Assumes she wandered off.

– Sophia: Thinks Brooke is trying to get attention.

– Mason: Frustrated with the distraction, downplays the danger.

– Riley: Worried but tries to keep the group calm.

– Tyler: Begins to suspect something supernatural, but no one listens.

– Zara: Notices Tyler’s growing paranoia.

– Lily: Starts believing Tyler’s suspicions but is afraid to speak up.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted:

The storm worsens, turning the house into a fortress. Mirrors appear in unexpected places, showing reflections that don’t match the group’s movements.

– Monster Reveal: Tyler shares the myth of Vivian’s immortality and connection to disappearances.

– Demand: The group starts questioning the true nature of the house and Vivian.

One of Us Killed – Jonah:

Jonah dismisses Tyler’s theories and leans over the pool. His reflection drags him underwater, his face twisted with terror as he drowns.

– Horror Situation: Jonah is drowned by his reflection, leaving no body behind.

– Reaction – Denial* The group tries to rationalize his absence.

– Character Reactions:

– Sophia: Starts to panic internally but hides it behind a confident façade.

– Riley: Grows more desperate to keep everyone together.

– Mason: Doubles down on leading, refusing to accept a supernatural explanation.

– Zara: Becomes more wary, aligning with Tyler.

– Lily: Trusts Tyler’s theories, adding to the tension with Mason.

Full Pursuit by the Killer:

The doppelgängers become more aggressive. Sophia is seduced by a perfect version of herself, drawn through the glass as her body contorts.

– Monster Reveal: Sophia’s doppelgänger steps out, more flawless and manipulative.

– Demand: The group realizes anyone could be next, driving mistrust.

– Character Reactions:

– Cassidy: Clings to Riley for comfort, becoming increasingly hysterical.

– Mason: Struggles to maintain control as his leadership is questioned.

– Tyler: Becomes more frantic, trying to destroy mirrors.

– Zara: Isolates herself further, avoiding reflective surfaces.

– Lily: Begins to take a more active role in supporting Tyler’s theories.

One of Us Killed – Cassidy:

Cassidy’s obsession with her appearance leads her to fix her makeup in front of a cracked mirror. It shatters outward, slicing her to pieces.

– Horror Situation: Cassidy is shredded by the glass, her doppelgänger stepping through.

– Reaction – Panic: The survivors scramble to escape the reflections.

– Character Reactions:

– Riley: Devastated by Cassidy’s death, he blames himself for not protecting her.

– Mason: Becomes more desperate, trying to control the situation.

– Tyler: Uses Cassidy’s death as proof that the reflections are the real threat.

– Zara: Becomes even more withdrawn, suspicious of everyone.

– Lily: Gains confidence in Tyler’s plan, actively helps him cover mirrors.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the Death – Riley:

Riley tries to rescue what he thinks is Brooke from a fractured mirror, but his reflection pulls him in. His body is crushed as his doppelgänger emerges.

– Horror Situation: Riley’s twisted body is trapped in the glass.

– Monster Reveal: The real bodies are imprisoned in the reflection world.

– Demand: Drives the survivors to try and prevent their own replacements.

– Character Reactions:

– Mason: Loses composure, snapping under pressure.

– Tyler* Urges Lily and Zara to trust him, trying to find the right mirrors to break.

– Zara: Reluctantly supports Tyler’s plan, though she doesn’t fully trust him.

– Lily: Shows her bravery, helping Tyler navigate the doppelgängers’ traps.

One of Us Killed – Zara:

Zara is dragged through a darkened window, her head crushed against the glass as she’s pulled into the reflection world.

– Horror Situation: Zara’s screams fade into the shadows as her doppelgänger steps out.

– Monster Reveal: The reflections gain strength with each new victim.

– Demand: Tyler and Lily realize they are out of time, with doppelgängers closing in.

– Character Reactions:

– Tyler: Becomes more determined to use the storm’s aftermath against the reflections.

-Lily: Resolves to help Tyler, showing newfound strength.

One of Us Killed – Mason:

Mason smashes a mirror wall but is pinned by the shards as his doppelgänger emerges.

– Horror Situation: Mason is impaled by glass, bleeding out as his doppelgänger walks past.

– Monster Reveal: The wrong mirrors can give the doppelgängers more access.

– Demand: Tyler and Lily must be precise in their actions.

The Thrilling Escape from Death – Tyler and Lily:

Tyler faces his doppelgänger, using a combination of natural reflections and shattered mirrors to weaken it. Lily provides crucial assistance, helping him trap the doppelgänger in a final mirror.

– Monster Reveal: Sunlight can weaken the reflection world’s grip.

– Demand: The remaining reflections continue to haunt the house, suggesting the threat lingers.

Resolution:

Tyler and Lily survive but are left deeply scarred by the experience. As Tyler looks out over the ocean, he sees Zara’s reflection smiling back at him, leaving the audience with the chilling possibility that the mirror world still has a hold on reality.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Just checking something out by making a comment on this lesson…

[Timothy Barley]

Tim's Monster Reveal Track

What I learned from this assignment is that I think I have a really good monster!

My monsters is Vivian, and subsequently, each of the doppelgängers that take the place of the original influencers.

– The monster is Vivian’s doppelgänger, a supernatural entity that has existed for generations, preying on influencers and style-makers throughout different eras. It uses mirrors as gateways to the real world, replacing those it deems flawed with more "perfect" versions of themselves.

Powers:

The doppelgängers can:

– Manifest through any reflective surface (mirrors, screens, windows, water).

– Mimic the behavior, speech, and memories of the person it replaces.

– Manipulate reflections to lure victims into traps.

– Physically interact with and pull people into the mirror world.

– Gain strength from those who spend time interacting with their reflections.

– Create distorted visions and voices within reflective surfaces to manipulate and terrorize victims.

Limitations:

The doppelgängers can:

– Can only fully manifest in the real world if a person directly interacts with their reflection for long enough (e.g., touching, speaking to the reflection).

– Needs the mirrors intact or accessible to use as a passage between worlds.

– Cannot move through non-reflective or covered surfaces, meaning rooms without mirrors or covered windows can offer temporary safety.

Weaknesses:

The doppelgängers are:

– Is vulnerable when its reflection is disrupted (e.g., smashing the mirror from which it emerged can temporarily weaken it).

– Cannot stand direct, natural sunlight—reflections in such light weaken its control.

– Must maintain the illusion of the replaced person; any deviation in behavior can alert others and risk its cover.

Plan/Purpose/Appetite:

The doppelgängers' purpose is to harvest and replace influential figures in each generation, using their influences to shape cultural trends and spread its influence through new media forms. It desires to create a world where reflections hold more power than reality, with it as the controlling force behind the most influential faces in the world. This time, it aims to replace the new wave of social media influencers who shape the cultural narrative. For what ultimate purpose, no one really knows, but it's at the direction of something else.

Updated outline with reveals/demand to come.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim's Character Death Track

What I learned from this is that I did hesitate for one second on why and how these people had to die. I am actually rooting for the "monster" here.

Influencer death tracks

1. Brooke:

– How: Dragged struggling into the mirror by her reflection, leaving bloody streaks behind.

– Why: Her reckless curiosity and desire to explore the unknown, [both CHARACTER FLAWS] lead her too close to the danger [BAD DECISIONS].

2. Jonah:

– How: Drowned in the pool by a reflection that suffocates him just below the surface.

– Why: His refusal [DENIAL] to believe in anything supernatural makes him vulnerable.

3. Sophia:

– How: Pulled through a narrow gap in the glass, her body twisting as it’s consumed by the mirror.

– Why: Her desperate need for validation makes her an easy target for the seductive lure of her reflection.

4. Cassidy:

– How: Shattered glass slices into her body as her doppelgänger emerges through the shards.

– Why: Her vanity and focus on appearances make her ignore the danger until it’s too late.

5. Riley:

– How: Pulled through a jagged, fractured mirror that crushes him like a vice.

– Why: His desire to save others leads him into the trap set by his doppelgänger.

6. Zara:

– How: Dragged backward through a darkened window reflection, her body contorted and crushed as she’s pulled into the dark.

– Why: Her isolation means she has no one to turn to when her reflection attacks.

7. Mason:

– How: Pinned and skewered by shards of a shattered mirror as his reflection watches him bleed out.

– Why: His overconfidence in leading the group blinds him to the doppelgängers’ power.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley. Reason: formating is incorrect when I type in content

[Timothy Barley]

TIM'S HORROR SITUATION TRACK

What I learned from doing this assignment is that this make it so much easier to outline (something I STILL hate doing to this day…)

ACT 1 – Atmosphere of Evil Established:
The original Vivian is replaced by her doppelgänger 10 years ago after staring into her reflection too long. Her doppelgänger now lives her life, becoming a legendary influencer.

-Horror Situation: The reflection smiles at Vivian as she looks away, and in a slow, eerie sequence, she is pulled into the mirror.

Reaction – Escape: Vivian tries to escape but is trapped as her doppelgänger steps out, replacing her.

Connect with the Characters:

The group of influencers arrives at the luxurious beach house for the retreat, each obsessed with their own persona and status. Tyler starts cracking jokes about the strange things that happen in places like this.

The Characters are Warned Not to Do It:

Conrad, the groundskeeper, warns them about the house, mentioning strange disappearances and odd behavior related to mirrors.

Horror Situation: Conrad cryptically talks about the reflections and their strange behavior.

Reaction – Denial: The group laughs off the warnings, thinking Conrad is just playing into Tyler’s conspiracy theorist antics.

Denial of Horror:
Early strange behavior in the mirrors—faces moving when the real person isn’t—goes unnoticed as the influencers chalk it up to exhaustion or stress from maintaining their online personas.

Horror Situation: A reflection subtly waves to someone before they do, but they dismiss it as their mind playing tricks.

Reaction – Denial: The group brushes it off and continues posting about the retreat.

Safety Taken Away:

The Wi-Fi and phones cut out as a sudden storm isolates the group completely from the outside world.

Horror Situation: The house loses all signal, and the storm traps them inside.

Reaction – Denial: They laugh at first about being “off-grid,” but then realize they have no means of communication or escape.

Monster: The Nature of the Beast:

Brooke is the first to notice something is wrong, spending time in front of a mirror. Later, she is found missing, and her doppelgänger seamlessly takes her place.

Horror Situation: Brooke’s reflection grins maliciously at her and pulls her into the mirror. The next morning, her doppelgänger has replaced her.
Reaction – Denial: The group assumes Brooke is playing a prank or is simply somewhere else.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted:
The house becomes increasingly hostile as reflective surfaces seem to be everywhere. The windows, mirrors, and even the ocean reflect twisted versions of the group.

Horror Situation: The group notices their reflections behaving strangely in every surface, but they can’t figure out why.

Reaction – Try to Solve It: Tyler starts investigating the mirrors and tells the group to avoid looking into them.

One of Us Killed:
Jonah is killed by his doppelgänger at the pool. His body is left floating for a moment before disappearing, only for his doppelgänger to reappear moments later, seamlessly fitting back into the group.

Horror Situation: Jonah’s body floats lifelessly in the pool, but when the group returns, it’s gone and “Jonah” is alive again.

Reaction – Denial: The group is rattled but convinces themselves they must have imagined seeing his body.

MIDPOINT — THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT!

Full Pursuit by the Killer:
The doppelgängers are now fully pursuing the group, gaining strength every time a character interacts with their reflection. The doppelgängers start stalking the group, appearing in mirrors and glass.

Horror Situation: The group begins seeing their doppelgängers walking through mirrors, following them from room to room.

Reaction – Escape: The group frantically tries to flee, but each exit is blocked by another reflection.

Terrorized:
The group is now completely terrorized, smashing mirrors and glass in a desperate attempt to stop the doppelgängers. Their paranoia grows as they begin to suspect each other of being replaced.

Horror Situation: Mirrors and windows are smashed, but the doppelgängers still appear in reflections from unexpected places, like water or shiny surfaces.

Reaction – Hysteria: The group begins to fracture, with some hiding and others lashing out at anything that moves, convinced they’re being hunted by their own reflections.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the Death:
Tyler and the remaining survivors make a final stand, trying to destroy the mirrors and trap the doppelgängers in the reflection world for good.

Horror Situation: Tyler faces his own doppelgänger in a reverse, mirror-like sequence as they battle inside the reflection.

Reaction – Fight: Tyler manages to defeat his doppelgänger by destroying the reflection, but it’s a brutal and disorienting fight.
Hysteria:
By now, the few remaining characters have lost all trust in one another, convinced that everyone around them might be a doppelgänger. Panic and violence break out.

Horror Situation: The group turns on each other, with one character attacking another in a fit of paranoia, only to realize too late they were attacking a human.

Reaction – Hysteria: The characters scream and panic, unsure of who’s real and who isn’t, making the situation worse.

The Thrilling Escape from Death:
Tyler and another survivor narrowly escape being replaced, smashing the last of the reflective surfaces in a desperate attempt to stop the doppelgängers from coming through.

Horror Situation: They believe they’ve stopped the doppelgängers by destroying the final mirrors.

Reaction – Escape: The survivors flee, thinking they have outrun their pursuers.

Death Returns to Take One or More:
Just as they think they’ve survived, one of the remaining characters—perhaps Zara or Mason—is revealed to have already been replaced. The doppelgänger launches a final deadly attack.

Horror Situation: The doppelgänger reveals itself and attacks, leaving the survivors helpless.

Reaction – Fight: Tyler fights back one last time, but it’s a brutal, deadly struggle.

Resolution:
Tyler is left standing, traumatized but alive. As he looks out at the ocean, his reflection in the water gives a final chilling hint that his doppelgänger may still be out there.

Horror Situation: Tyler’s reflection in the ocean stares back at him with a knowing, sinister grin.

Reaction – Denial: Tyler tries to shake off the feeling, but the audience is left wondering if his doppelgänger will return.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley's Horror Plot

What I learned from this was that I really enjoyed this lesson. It was a great to create the beats, which I always have trouble remember to do rather than just jump into writing!

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil Established:
We open with Vivian’s original self being slowly replaced by her reflection 10 years ago, after becoming obsessed with her image in the mirror. Her doppelgänger takes over her life, and she rises to fame as an influencer, but it was never her—only her sinister reflection.

Connect with the Characters:
The group of influencers arrives at the house, each engrossed in their social media personas, filming, posting, and obsessing over their image. We see their personal flaws, from Mason's arrogance to Lily's insecurity, as they prepare for the retreat.

The Characters are Warned Not to Do It:
Conrad, the mysterious groundskeeper, warns them about the house, mentioning strange occurrences and people disappearing. They brush it off as local superstition, convinced that this retreat is just another branding opportunity. (see denial)

Denial of Horror:
When the reflections first start behaving strangely—shifting when no one moves, smiling when the real person doesn’t—the group writes it off as exhaustion or stress, or drugs. Accusations fly, but they are too busy chasing likes and followers to notice the creeping danger.

Safety Taken Away:
The storm cuts off their phone service and Wi-Fi, leaving them completely isolated. At first, they joke about “going dark,” but the unsettling realization that they are truly cut off begins to sink in.

Monster: The Nature of the Beast:
Brooke is the first to fall, pulled into a mirror during a moment of vanity. Her doppelgänger emerges the next day, acting perfectly normal. The group remains oblivious to the true horror lurking within the reflections.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted:
The house turns hostile as reflective surfaces—mirrors, windows, the ocean—begin reflecting eerie, twisted versions of the influencers. They realize they are completely trapped by the storm, and the windows feel like eyes watching their every move.

One of Us Killed:
Jonah’s arrogance is his undoing. Alone, he is dragged into the pool by his reflection, and his doppelgänger rises from the water. His body briefly floats, seen by someone but when the others return, it’s gone—replaced by a perfect imitation of Jonah.

MIDPOINT — THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT!
Full Pursuit by the Killer:
The doppelgängers are now fully hunting the group, gaining strength with each reflection the influencers interact with. Every glance into a mirror or window pulls the doppelgängers closer, until they begin stalking the group in full.

Terrorized:
As more characters are replaced, paranoia grips the survivors. They destroy mirrors, but reflective surfaces keep multiplying, and the doppelgängers hunt them down with terrifying precision. Tyler’s warnings about reflections are ignored, making him an outsider even as his theories prove true.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the Death:
Tyler, Lily, and Zara (or Mason) make a final stand, attempting to destroy all the mirrors in the house. In a surreal mirror-world sequence, Tyler faces his own doppelgänger and manages to kill it, breaking free and returning to the real world.

Hysteria:
By this point, the remaining characters are in full breakdown mode, unable to tell who is real and who has been replaced. Friend turns on friend as suspicions run wild, with everyone a potential threat.

The Thrilling Escape from Death:
The survivors narrowly evade death, smashing the last mirrors and reflective surfaces. They think they’ve ended the nightmare as they flee into the storm, believing they’ve won the battle against the doppelgängers.

Death Returns to Take One or More:
Just as the remaining characters believe they’re safe, one of them—perhaps Zara or Mason—reveals their true nature. They’ve already been replaced by a doppelgänger, launching one final deadly attack.

Resolution:
Tyler survives, but he is forever changed. As he stands alone, the reflection of the house in the ocean’s surface subtly shows his own reflection staring back, hinting that his doppelgänger might still be out there, waiting to strike.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I had these characters in mind from the beginning, I was just working on a way to kill them off! But, I found a way to boil them down first before remaking them more fully.

CONCEPT: A group of social media influencers invited to a secluded Long Island off-season beach house must survive each other and their murderous doppelgängers inhabiting their worst traits.

Social event/social group type

Character:

Influencers:

1. Mason – The Leader
– Identity: Mason is the self-proclaimed leader who tries to take charge, but his arrogance makes him more of a liability than an asset as the group turns against him.

2. Riley – The Rescuer
– Identity: Riley positions himself as the moral compass and caretaker of the group, always trying to help, but his performative empathy becomes his downfall.

3. Lily – The Innocent
– Identity: Lily is the fragile, anxious one who seems harmless, often needing protection but gradually revealing hidden strengths in the face of horror.

4. Sophia – The Out of Control / Obnoxious One
– Identity: As an OnlyFans star, Sophia’s shameless, brazen attitude and desperate thirst for attention make her stand out. She lashes out, seeking control in all the wrong ways.

5. Cassidy – The Complainer
– Identity: Cassidy is the vain beauty influencer who constantly whines about the conditions around her. Her narcissism keeps her focused on trivial things, even as chaos unfolds.

6. Tyler – The Rebel / Rule Breaker
– Identity: The conspiracy theorist influencer who constantly challenges authority and refuses to play by the rules, which sometimes helps and sometimes makes things worse.

7. Zara – The Introvert / Loner
– Identity: The cynical photographer who stays distant from the group, observing from the sidelines and always skeptical. Her instincts about the sinister happenings are sharp, but she keeps to herself.

8. Jonah – Monster Bait
– Identity: The tech mogul whose arrogance and refusal to believe in anything he can’t explain makes him a prime target. His wealth and success can’t save him from his fate.

9. Brooke – The Carrier (The one who brings the horror to the group)?????
– Identity: The adventurous influencer, initially unsuspecting, who inadvertently attracts the attention of the doppelgängers through her exploration of the mirrors and reflections.

Other Characters:
10. Vivian – The Host (The Monster)
– Archetype: The Carrier/The Monster
– Identity: Vivian, the mysterious once-revered influencer from pre-social media days, now a cold, calculating doppelgänger, is both the source of the horror and the one who unleashes it on the influencers. She orchestrates the whole event to entrap and replace them.

11. Conrad – The Groundskeeper (The Red Herring)
– Identity: A mysterious figure, Conrad appears to know more than he lets on, and his aloof behavior casts suspicion on him as an accomplice or even a threat.

12. Maria – The Housekeeper (The Sacrificial Lamb)
– Identity: The quiet and seemingly unimportant housekeeper who meets a grim fate early on, signaling the arrival of the horror.

13. Jake – The Pool Technician (Monster Bait)
– Identity: The lighthearted and oblivious pool tech, who provides a brief moment of levity before falling prey to the doppelgängers.

Die-Off Pattern:

First to Die:
– Maria (The Sacrificial Lamb): Killed early, perhaps brutally and off-screen, to demonstrate the severity of the threat and that no one is safe, setting the tone for the escalating horror.

– Brooke (The Carrier): Her exploration or selfie-taking near a reflective surface inadvertently draws out the first doppelgänger. She is the first influencer to die, symbolizing how curiosity and thrill-seeking in the influencer world can lead to devastating consequences.

Next to Die:
– Jonah (Monster Bait): His arrogance leads him to dismiss the warnings and threat, only to be taken in a gruesome, ironic death that emphasizes his blindness to the danger right in front of him.

– Cassidy (The Complainer): Her obsession with her appearance leads to her demise, as her doppelgänger exploits her vanity, perhaps pulling her into a mirror as she’s fixing her makeup.

Middle of the Movie:

– Conrad (The Red Herring): The group suspects Conrad of being complicit, only for him to die in a way that proves he’s just another victim. His death adds to the confusion and paranoia among the group.

-Jake (Monster Bait): He dies suddenly, almost comically, but his death shifts the tone back to seriousness. He’s caught in the crossfire of the unfolding terror, reminding everyone how unpredictable the doppelgängers are.

– Sophia (Out of Control / Obnoxious One): Her reckless ambition drives her to betray someone, but she’s outmatched by her doppelgänger, who exploits her desperation for fame and attention. Her death is visceral and reflects the darker side of her persona.

Final Deaths:
– Riley (The Rescuer): His self-proclaimed empathy backfires. His reflection manipulates him into thinking he’s saving someone, only for him to walk into a deadly trap, possibly involving a reflection of someone he trusts.

– Mason (The Leader): His arrogance and need to maintain control leads to his downfall. His doppelgänger tricks him into believing he can control the situation, only for him to be overtaken in a climactic battle.

Survivors:
– Tyler (The Rebel / Rule Breaker): His paranoia and instincts pay off, allowing him to survive. He pieces together the truth about the doppelgängers’ nature and, despite his reputation as the conspiracy theorist, manages to outlast the rest.

– Zara (The Loner) or Lily (The Innocent): One of these two survives alongside Tyler. Zara, with her skeptical, detached approach, might keep herself out of danger by thinking critically and trusting no one. Alternatively, Lily’s innocent nature could be her shield—she doesn’t engage with her reflection as much as the others, and this keeps her safe.
Final Standoff:

– Vivian (The Host): In the final moments, either Tyler or Zara/Lily confronts Vivian and realizes she’s not who she appears to be. Vivian, being a fully-formed doppelgänger, hints at the larger threat, leaving the door open for a sequel as she seemingly disappears or is only temporarily defeated.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

What I learned from doing this lesson is that my monster(s) are not necessarily hack and slash monsters but eerie doppelgängers.

My monsters in "Reflected:"

Their Terror:
They feed on their victims' insecurities when they are alone and around reflective surfaces. they don't chase their victims, instead allowing their vanities to lead them closer. As they draw their real-life victim closer into the surfaces, they strike and drown them in the "mirror world."

Their Mystery:
Who is and who isn't a doppelgänger and how did they get into this world? And how do those left stop them?

Their Fear Provoking Appearance:
They are perfect replicas with subtle unsettling differences: intense expressions, lifeless eyes, over time, the originals' insecurities become twisted in the new versions. Think children suddenly becoming adults.

Their Rules:
Relentless, but can only get into this world via reflections. Perfect mimicry of originals. Almost impossible to detect. The doppelgängers reflect the originals' deepest flaws but in exaggerated forms, becoming malevolent versions of the originals.

Their Mythology:
The host, the. original influencer has found that social media has made it much easier to bring her fellow doppelgängers across the divide to this world. This isn't the first time. It isn't the last.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

What I learned doing this assignment is that I had these ideas all in my head, but didn't know how to quantify them.

1. Pick a horror movie that fits three criteria:

Title / Concept: SALEM'S LOT (MAX)

Terrorize The Characters:
A vampire is preying on the people of Salem's Lot, forcing the heroes to kill newly turned friends and family to survive.

Isolation:
Scenes include the young hero trapped in the vampire's lair,

Death:
Townspeople are being slaughtered by vampires.

Monster/Villain:
An ancient vampire and the newly turned friends and family.

High Tension:
Vampires are stalking people.

Departure from Reality:
Vampires don't exist.

Moral Statement:
I really couldn't find one.

My story: "REFLECTED"

Concept: A group of social influencers at an off-season luxurious Long Island beach house must fight for their lives as their reflections come to life, aiming to replace them and erase their existence.

Terrorize The Characters: The doppelgängers exploit their deepest insecurities and flaws, turning their worst fears into reality while stalking them.

Isolation: The beach house’s remote location and cutting off communication trap the characters with no outside help.

Death: Visceral and symbolic deaths, with each character killed in ways that reflect their online personas and personal flaws.

Monster/Villain: The doppelgängers—twisted, perfected versions of the influencers that want to replace them.

High Tension: Paranoia escalates as the characters can’t trust their own reflections or each other.

Departure from Reality: The line between reality and reflection blurs as the influencers struggle to retain their identities.

Moral Statement: A critique of influencer culture, vanity, and the dangers of curated personas, exploring the consequences of losing authenticity and becoming consumed by the desire for perfection.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

1. Tim Barley

2. How many scripts you’ve written – eight (8) film scripts and two (2) TV pilots, including 1 thriller and 1 action after the ScreenwritingU classes.

3. What you hope to get out of the class? – really looking forward to creating a horror franchise! I've fallen in love with horror over the years.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I write better when/after I've been moving. So, I drive Uber to let my creative brain chill out and accumulate ideas to short-term writing problems, and drive across country every summer to work on bigger projects.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

1. Tim Barley

2. I agree to the terms of this release form (see below)

3.

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim’s lesson #15

[Timothy Barley]

Tim’s lesson #14

[Timothy Barley]

Tim’s lesson #13

[Timothy Barley]

Tim’s lesson #12

[Timothy Barley]

Tim’s lesson 11

[Timothy Barley]

Tim’s lesson 10

[Timothy Barley]

Tim’s LESSONS 8 & 9 ARE TOGETHER

[LESSON #8]

TIM’S LIKABILITY/EMPATHY/JUSTIFICATION

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it’s quite hard to fit the likability into the script naturally; not because they’re not likable, but because it’s not easy to put something that seems overtly artificial into the story. But I decided to do it low key (see below).

I have three heroes:

Sylvia Marlowe:

Likability:

After her announcement, she’s at her house making food for the agency heads and authorities

Telling funny stories – witty, funny and ribald

She’s kind to everyone from the directors to the guys watching from the tree lines

Empathy:

Her husband is missing, presumed dead

Justification:

Even in retirement, she is constantly threatened

She has been the victim of attempts on her life

She’s lost her husband and through this, her kids

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>Emily Marlowe:

Likability:

She saves a dog from wannabe killers

Despite their estrangement, she loves her brother and mother

She’s thinking she’s got to save her mom

She funny, and droll

Empathy:

Her mom’s ultimatum/challenge intrudes on her life

She’s lost her father whom she was close to

<u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>Justification:

She might find those who “killer” her father

Recent break up – “I just broke up with _____. What else was I going to do this weekend?”

Thomas Marlowe:

Likability:

Handsome

Funny, incredulous that this is actually happening

Kind, pretends he’s the boyfriend of a waitress being harassed

Out to save his mother. Nothing’s stopping him

Empathy:

Mother’s challenge breaks him from his recent divorce

Loss of his father

<u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>Justification:

All the other assassins in the world are desdending on his mother’s house. He has to stop them.

They are killers. No one will miss them

ACT I sequencing:

After her announcement, Sylvia is at her house making food for the agency heads and authorities, Telling funny stories – witty, funny and ribald

She’s kind to everyone from the directors to the guys watching from the tree lines

They ask where her kids are. She tells them she is sure they will turn up.

On the way into town, Emily saves a dog from wannabe killers by taking them all out easily and tying them up and leaving them for the cops to find

On the other edge of town, Thomas saves a waitress at a dive bar by kissing her (it’s his old girlfriend). He leads the harassers around back and kicks the shit out of them.

At dusk, Sylvia takes out cookies and coffee to the guards on her patio.

Thomas and Emily meet up in an old tunnel leading to the house. Their angry estrangement softens as they reconnect and realize they are both her to save their mother.

[TIM’S LESSON #9]

TIM BARLEY’S FAVORITE TWISTS

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it was actually fun to create as many fun twists and THEN winnow down to just a few major ones, leaving smaller ones as breadcrumbs for what’s really going on.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

TIM STORY MAP

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I HATE doing this, but after I do I love that it works so well.

The 3-Act Structure – REWRITTEN WITH M/A/V

Opening: On the road toward the town, a lone hitchhiker leads three ruffian bikers off the road and into a trap where he dispatches them easily and takes their sunglasses and a weapon or two and gets back on the road to join the thickening traffic toward a small diner on the outskirts of town where local authorities have set up a roadblock.

Inciting incident: The loner enters a diner packed with various riff-raff watching the small television – on it, the news reporter, a typical local mid TV market blonde is standing outside near the barricade, she interviews a state trooper and cuts to Sylvia’s dark web broadcast which got into the mainstream. The loner exits, but not before he sees a woman he recognizes (his sister). She sees him, smiles and disappears before he can make his way toward her.

First Turning Point at end of Act 1: The loner tries to get through the barricade, but is turned away, he follows some others who wind their way on the back side of the small town toward the country home, including Tango & Cash, Mickey, Mallory & Maude, and The Bear.

On the other sides of town, and in the forest, the other main villains pick their way through people and obstacles toward the house.

Mid-Point: Emily and Thomas run into each other in the tunnels, at first we are led to believe they are at odds with each other, but they hug and decide to hurry as they share who they’ve seen so far.

Second Turning Point at end of Act 2: The kids reach the house intending on saving their mother, who chews them out and tells them that this is all a set up and introduces them to the heads of the agencies who are working in her dining room over dinner.

Crisis: The killers advance on the house, taking out the soldiers, agents, troopers and others surrounding the house.

Climax: It’s a battle royale in the house on all floors with weapons and anything not nailed down as the heavyweight killers band together to assault the house. The battle ebbs and flows with guns, knives, frying pans, lamps, awards, belts, anything.

Resolution: Sylvia and the kids turn over the still alive assassins to the heads of the law enforcement departments. After they leave, Dupre exits the shadows with his message.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

TIM’S ACTION STRUCTURE

What I learned from doing this assignment is that doing this lesson informed a lot of the previous lessons. Enough so, that I am going back to revisit lessons 2-5.

1. The 3-Act Structure

Opening: On the road toward the town, a lone hitchhiker leads three ruffian bikers off the road and into a trap where he dispatches them easily and takes their sunglasses and a weapon or two and gets back on the road to join the thickening traffic toward a small diner on the outskirts of town where local authorities have set up a roadblock.

Inciting incident: The loner enters a diner packed with various riff-raff watching the small television – on it, the news reporter, a typical local mid market blonde is standing outside near the barricade, she interviews a state trooper and cuts to Sylvia’s dark web broadcast which got into the mainstream. The loner exits, but not before he sees a woman he recognizes. She sees him, smiles and disappears before he can make his way toward her.

First Turning Point at end of Act 1: The loner tries to get through the barricade, but is turned away, he follows some others who wind their way on the back side of the small town toward the country home, including Tango & Cash, Mickey, Mallory & Maude, and The Bear.

On the other sides of town, and in the forest, the other main villains pick their way through people and obstacles toward the house.

Mid-Point: Emily and Thomas run into each other in the tunnels, at first we are led to believe they are at odds with each other, but they hug and decide to hurry as they share who they’ve seen so far.

Second Turning Point at end of Act 2: The kids reach the house intending on saving their mother, who chews them out and tells them that this is all a set up and introduces them to the heads of the agencies who are working in her dining room over dinner.

Crisis: The killers advance on the house, taking out the soldiers, agents, troopers and others surrounding the house.

Climax: It’s a battle royale in the house on all floors with weapons and anything not nailed down as the heavyweight killers band together to assault the house. The battle ebbs and flows with guns, knives, frying pans, lamps, awards, belts, anything.

Resolution: Sylvia and the kids turn over the still alive assassins to the heads of the law enforcement departments. After they leave, Dupre exits the shadows with his message.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Saving my post here for LESSONS 3-5 as the error posting as a reply to the first person in every lesson is still existing.

LESSON #3:

TIM BARLEY’S HERO MISSION TRACK

What I learned from this lesson is that, although I have a grip on the story, it’s nice to have a step by step to input the beats as it were.

1. Mission track questions:

a. Our heroes, the Marlowe’, Emily, Thomas and Sylvia, are spies or former spies. In the case of Sylvia, this is her ingenious plan to bring all the world’s assassins and wannabes into the same place to take them off the board. For the Marlowe children, it’s about thinking they’re going to save their mother who they think is in danger.

b. The mission is seemingly impossible as they kids have to navigate an assortment of low and high level killers laying siege to the little town and their mother’s homestead, and after that, defending it from the final onslaught of the varsity squad of killers.

c. Sylvia – (internal) get her kids to visit her, take killers of the board, (external) stop the killers from killing them all

Emily – (internal) saver her mother, (external) save herself!

Thomas – (internal) save his mother, (external) save the family!

d. The family would have to survive and naturally have to come up with an excuse how and why Sylvia did this and what happened to all the killers who descended on the town.

2. Clear Mission:

• Motivation: Sylvia – take a laundry list of killers, professional and wannabes, out of circulation; and get her kids to visit once in a while! Thomas & Emily – find out what their mom is up to and save her (does she really need saving?).
• Inciting Incident: Sylvia’s very public announcement to the world!
• First Action: Wannabes and low-level killers flood the town, picked up by local, county and state authorities. Thomas and Emily make their way into town separately.
• Obstacle: Other assassins, authorities at ever level, check points
• Escalation: Thomas and Emily make their separate ways toward the house, as the really good killers find ways into the town past authorities and capture.
• Overwhelming Odds: Thomas and Emily dispatch various killers, getting to the house past authorities, roadblocks, and lockdowns.
• New Plan: After reaching home, and finding out what Sylvia has done, family drama comes out and a new plan has to be made as the elite killers descend on the homestead.
• Full out Attack: Assault on the house, as the Marlowe’s defend their home.
• Success: The Marlowe family is successful as various agencies, waiting in the wings, swoop in and take any prisoners and bodies off their hands.
• Denouement: Dupre, a messenger that has slipped past everyone, brings a message about their father, who is alive and a prisoner of a mysterious organization.

LESSON #4:

Tim Barley’s Villain Track

What I learned from doing this assignment is that most of my villains’ plans seem spur of the moment, but they are actually ready to go plans once Sylvia finally popped her head up with her challenge.

1. Villains track questions

a. Plans for each villain to annihilate the Marlowes

Nikolai “The Bear” Volkov

1. Plan to seek revenge on Sylvia’s part in taking down the USSR has been in place, but the steps are an on the spot plan.

a. Wait near the back of the crowd, pick his moments to take out others and work through the woods to the house.

2. Attack: His sheer size and strength makes him an imposing foe to deal with. He could and has crushed men’s skulls with his bare hands.

3. Advantage: size and strength and stamina, Spetsnaz training.

4. “Fitting end:” crushed under something big

Raven

1. Plan seeking to kill Sylvia for leaving her with a scar that marred her perfect face was put on hold after Sylvia disappeared from public and spy life.

a. On the spot plan is to stealthily navigate to the house, only interacting with others as necessary.

2. Attack: ghost-like ability to move quickly and quietly and attack from the shadows

3. Advantage: silence and stealth

4. “Fitting end:” dying loud

Giselle “La Guillotine” LeClerc

1. French intelligence operative turned mercenary with no ill will toward Sylvia Marlowe

a. Her plan is to kill Sylvia to prove she is the best and take her fortune and possible connections to the underworld around the world.

2. Attack: sniper, precision marksman

3. Advantage: long-distance marksmanship

4. “Fitting end:” having her head taken off

Cleaver

1. Sadistic enforcer who loves long knives, no clear plan or motive

a. Created on the spot plan to kill others and leave macabre artistic signs of his having been there.

2. Attack: Bloody knife work with an artistic and sadistic style

3. Advantage: no feelings, but a sense of style that strikes fear into others.

4. “Fitting end:” skewered with his own long knives

“The Chameleon”

1. His plan to show he can get to Sylvia has long been in place.

a. Using his mastery of disguise, he will move through the town and toward the house with ease.

2. Attack: close proximity assault with various weapons

3. Advantage: disguised as anyone, even the kids

4. “Fitting end:” Having his face ripped off by one of the kids to reveal it isn’t Thomas or Emily.

Tango & Cash and Mickey Mallory & Maude

1. On the spot plan, as they are pure chaos, running straight into and through the fight.

a. Steps: go in fast and hard and never let them see you.

2. Attack: They’ve watched too many movies and delight in killing with whatever torture-horror film idea they’ve seen last.

3. Advantage: No fear, no pain (probably on drugs – although one may be purely driven by sociopathic clarity)

4. “Fitting end:” Dying by their own tools they’ve brought with them would be masterful.

Dupre

1. His job as emissary and sometimes assassin requires him to be ready with a plan to get to his target at any time.

a. Steps: quietly wait in the background behind the others until they are all dead and then deliver his message.

2. Attack: Dramatic entrances, cool, calm and sociopathic

3. Advantage: patience

4. Unclear

LESSON #5

Tim Barley’s Action Track!

What I learned from this assignment is that there is a logic here and a LOT of moving parts with so many villains, and that I DO NOT have as good of a handle on this as I thought I did; frustrating as I want it all “right” on the first draft.

ACTION QUESTIONS:

1. Action that naturally shows up are the arrival of a menagerie of professional and wannabe killers, as well as press and lookey-loos to a small New Hampshire town.

2. The action for the heroes is split – between Sylvia setting up for whichever assassins finally make it to her house, and the kids who have to fight their way there through the onlookers, authorities and other killers to save their mom and make a stand against the villains, whose action is all about fight against each other to get to the house.

TYPES OF ACTION USED:

1. Chases

a. Foot chases

b. Tracking

c. Surveillance tracking

2. Fights

a. Martial arts

b. Wrestling

c. Fights to the death

d. Disarming, stealing and changing weapons

3. Shootouts

a. On the move

b. Snipers

c. Night, darkened house

d. Small arms, close proximity

4. Rescues

a. Saving Slyvia

5. Dangerous situations

a. Disarmed

b. Beaten

6. Escape/evade

a. Disguises

b. Hiding

c. Explosion as diversion

7. Competition

a. Taking out more targets – brother/sister rivalry

8. Torture

a. Leaving a calling card

ACTION SCENES/PURPOSE

DIGUISES: The Chameleon reveals themselves as the news van driver, killing the reporter and cameraman on their way to get an interview with Sylvia.

PURPOSE: showcase their ability to become someone else, as they inhabit the identity of the reporter next.

FIGHT TO THE DEATH: Fights between the Marlowe kids and the final 5 killers that make it to the house, consisting of SHOOTOUTS, MULTI-LEVEL, DISARMING EACH OTHER, IMPROVISED WEAPONS, ESCAPE/EVADING, DANGEROUS SITUATIONS.

PURPOSE: showcase the abilities of both the killers and kids as adaptable to survive.

more

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Hero(es) and Villain(s)

What I learned doing this assignment is that the process works.

(There’s an error on the link to Lesson #2 and it replies to random writers, so here is my Lesson #2:)

Concept:

An aging former super spy, Sylvia Marlowe, announces a contest in her small New England town: kill her in 72 hours and inherit her estate. Little does everyone know, she’s luring the world’s deadliest assassins into a trap, and trying to reconnect with her estranged children.

Hero(es) Morally Right:

Sylvia Marlowe stands for redemption, family reconciliation, and the protection of her nation from hidden threats.

Villain(s) Morally Wrong:

The assembled assassins, though varied in their motivations, collectively represent greed, ruthlessness, and the willingness to kill for personal gain without moral compass.

Hero(es):

A. Unique Skill Set

• Sylvia: Mastery of espionage, psychological manipulation, and an unrivaled ability to predict enemy moves, even in her older years, she’s still formidable.
• Thomas and Emily Marlowe: Thomas Marlowe, undercover CIA agent, master of counter espionage and surveillance; Emily Marlowe, NSA hacker and former women’s Olympic 2016 judo silver medalist.

B. Motivation

• Sylvia: To reconcile with her children, atone for her past, and clandestinely serve her country one last time.
• Thomas and Emily: Initially driven by anger and curiosity and the potential inheritance, they become motivated to save their mother and uncover family secrets.

C. Secret or Wound

• Sylvia: Carries the burden of her husband’s mysterious disappearance and supposed death, which her spy life indirectly caused, and further emboldening a mysterious anti-intelligence agency.
• Thomas and Emily: Unaware of their mother’s connection to their father’s death, they harbor feelings of abandonment and betrayal.

Villain(s)

A. Unbeatable The lead antagonist, Dupre – an emissary to a shadowy figure who masterminded the international incident Sylvia was involved in, is seemingly unbeatable due to sociopathy and lack of morals.

B. Plan/Goal Fully unknown – To take Sylvia’s challenge as a means to exact revenge and claim her estate, or merely wade through everyone else to deliver a message?

C. What they lose if Hero(es) survives The villains stand to lose their literal freedom and status in the assassin community.

Impossible Mission

A. Puts Hero(es) in Action The announced contest and the arrival of assassins force Sylvia and subsequently, her children, into a life-threatening dance of strategy and survival.

B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: Sylvia must not only use all her skills but also overcome her emotional wounds to outsmart the assassins, all while trying to repair the relationship with her children. Thomas and Emily must confront the truth about their family and rise to the legacy of their mother’s skills under extreme pressure.

C. Destroy the Villain(s) The overarching mission, layered beneath the immediate survival challenge, is to dismantle the network of assassins and the shadowy figure at the helm, effectively eliminating a substantial global threat.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Conventions

What I learned from this assignment is that it’s fun to revisit some of the ideas I had for other classes and remake them into something different.

Concept:

When a reclusive widow in a quiet New England town offers her entire fortune to anyone who can kill her within 72 hours, a menagerie of assassins, bounty hunters, and family descend on the peaceful community, igniting a high-stakes game of survival, deception, and revelation of international conspiracies.

Conventions:

Hero(es): The entire Marlowe family, including Sylvia Marlowe, daughter Emily and son Thomas.

Demand For Action: A menagerie of assassins, both pro, international and government sanctioned down to local yokels descend on the poor town, through each other, to claim the prize.

Mission: The Marlowe children must use their skills to navigate the insanity to reach their mother and save her.

Antagonist: Every would be assassin, including Dupre, a Marlowe family adversary sent with a message from a mysterious organization.

Escalating Action: As the lower level wannabes are knocked off by local deputies, each challenge to reach and protect their mother becomes tougher and tougher and rougher and rougher.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley — “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Timothy Barley]

Good morning, everyone!

1. Tim Barley

2. Seven screenplays (3 since started in with Hal’s classes) and four pilots (also since joining here in 2022)

3. After taking the thrillers class, I realized that my thriller is actually more of an action idea (as were the other concepts I didn’t choose for the class), so I’m marrying up the two.

4. I dive Uber for fun (and a very well funded travel account), and am a 8 handicap on the course.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley Misdirects… When Appropriate!

What I learned from doing this is that I have a LOT of misdirect already. This could be good or bad, not sure yet. But, I found a few spots to add some dialogue misdirect, which, as a psychological/action thriller, may be worth adding more and more.

Effective use so far

The Red Herring: Griffin’s desire to be a mentee of The Courier has him around a lot, and most times when something happens, it points to him as the cause. He wants to help, but not seem to eager, which causes him to shy away from explaining what he was/is doing

The Villain’s Plan: Nocturne has hired an ex-partner and friend of The Courier to do his bidding to try and stop The Courier from completing the delivery.

Mystery Cover-ups:

The following has been added to the Thriller Map as “cover up:”

In their first and only meeting, Nocturne tells The Courier that “they have that one thing they both wish they could change, don’t we?”

New/Added misdirection:

Dialogue misdirection: Cruz tells The Courier that he’s always been good at making extra on every job. When The Courier tells him that’s why they aren’t partners anymore, Cruz says that he’s learned his lesson about double dealing, misdirecting us to think he’s a good guy.

Character misdirection: when The Courier and Astra are taken into custody, they see Griffin leaving the scene, thinking he had something to do with it. But, later learn that he was going to try to help them, but decided to wait until later.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley Gives Great Clues

What I learned from doing this is that I have a wild and hard to handle story that needs me to stand at 10k feet and look at it. Peppering in clues is where I have to take a look at what I have and really start to make sense of it.

The Four MAIN Mysteries of “Travel by Night”

1. What is (or is in) the package?

2. Who or what is Nocturne and why does he want to stop The Courier?

3. Who is Astra really?

4. What is The Night World?

5. Who is betraying The Courier?

6. Who’s been helping The Courier?

Mystery #1. What is (in) the package?

Reveal: at the end, only The Courier knows as he looks into it (but, it may be a piece of night, a soul, cryptocurrency, a small nuke).

Clues:

It’s a sphere, made of unknown metal.

It’s cold to the touch.

Mystery #2. Who or what is Nocture and what is his game?

Reveal: it’s a future version of himself

Clues:

Mystery #3. Who is Astra really?

Reveal: Astra is actually Nyte – a high ranking member of The Night Authority, perhaps even Nyx herself, the goddess of night.

Clues:

She just happens to be at the first stop he makes

Astra: “I knew you’d be here”

Her hair changes color subtly in different light

She knows how to find Bazaar

Night folk move out of her way

She asks The Courier about his past, which she already knows

Mystery #4. What is the Night World

Reveal: The Night World, run by The Night Authority (or Authority) is the world that begins when the sun goes down and night falls across the land. It is at it’s most powerful and dangerous when there is a new moon.

Clues:

Nothing happens until dusk

The denizens of The Night World open shop after everyone else is safely at home

Separate ID’s for the NW

Markings on cars on license plates and elsewhere that only show up in certain light that marks them as part of the nigh.

Tattoos with similar markings

Trade with separate currency types

Specific acknowledgements between those who know

Mystery #5. Who is betraying the courier?

Reveal: turns out, it’s his old partner and one time friend, Cruz

Clues:

Someone had to know where his primary transport was to sabotage it

Has a new vehicle

Knows a lot about the package and its destination

Admits that it’s confusing to him that The Courier is still going forward when “you’ve asked me to do these things.”

Mystery #6. Who’s been helping the courier?

Reveal: turns out, it’s the newbie, Griffin, great auto mechanic and wannabe mentee

Clues:

He and Astra are released as someone spoke up for them

Thriller Map: Latest Version [working separately, will add later]

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Dramatic Reveals

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I think I almost have a grasp on what my story is really about. I’ve peppered in the reveals in the way the makes the mystery/intrigue/suspense pop a little more and does a good job of rewarding the reader/viewer. I think.

List of reveals (note: not a full list yet)

Reveal #1: The Package

A. What is the reveal?

When the package is opened, only The Courier can see what’s inside. But, by his expression, it’s something indescribable.

B. How did it get covered up?

The package is always encased in an unmarked box, is shielded from prying eyes, and its contents are only rumors, spoken of in hushed whispers.

C. Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense:

• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mystery: Rumors suggest the package holds the essence of The Night itself, or that it’s a soul. Or cryptocurrency. Or a nuke. Everyone has an opinion.
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Intrigue: The Courier is sabotaged in the beginning, almost held up, delayed and arrested and killed at every turn by emissaries of Nocturne.
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Suspense: The question is if he and the package will ever safely reach its destination.

D. Dramatic Impact upon Revelation:

The reveal causes a HUGE twist at the end that puts us right back at the beginning. Literally.

Reveal #2: Nocturne’s True Identity

A. What is the reveal?

Nocturne is unveiled as a near future version of The Courier, working to prevent his own journey’s conclusion.

B. How did it get covered up?

Nocturne always remains in the shadows, using intermediaries to communicate and act, so that no one fully sees him until the reveal.

C. Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense:

• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mystery<font face=”inherit”>: How does Nocturne anticipate The Courier’s every step? His knowledge about </font>the<font face=”inherit”> courier (transport, habits, hangouts, allies, etc.) becomes a pressing question.</font>
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Intrigue<font face=”inherit”>: His interaction with the people he is using to stop The Courier causes </font>confusion<font face=”inherit”> among those he employs. Why is The Courier trying to stop himself? </font>
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Suspense<font face=”inherit”>: The relentless pursuit and growing dangerous </font>efforts<font face=”inherit”> by an unseen </font>adversary<font face=”inherit”> makes the audience question why someone is trying stop him.</font>

D. Dramatic Impact:

The reveal shakes the viewer from their thought of standard thriller to one of profound internal struggle against fate, and re-evaluate every prior interaction and decision in the story.

Reveal #4: Astra’s Mysterious Aura – Is She or Isn’t She Nyx?

A. What is the reveal?

Astra might be the Goddess Nyx or at least very high up in The Night Authority, but it’s never DEFINITELY confirmed.

B. How did it get covered up in the story?

Astra’s youth and seemingly “normal teen runaway/vagabond” demeanor serve as a veil, making the assumption of her being a mythical figure feel absurd at first glance.

C. Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense:

• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mystery<font face=”inherit”>: What is </font>the<font face=”inherit”> unique tattoo on her neck? And does her hair change colors subtly from silver, to grey to black? Is she more than she appears to be or just a runaway? </font>
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Intrigue: Astra whispers into the night, and on more than one occasion, the darkness seems to “respond” to her calls in inexplicable ways. She has a commanding presence when needed, and some call her “Nyte” in hushed tones.
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Suspense: Looking at her, all you see is a long lost young woman that’s been on the road for some time, but cross her and she’ll stare you down.

D. Dramatic Impact:

Astra’s revelation is clouded, and leaving it open-ended ensures the audience remains intrigued, discussing and theorizing her true nature long after the film ends.

Reveal #5: Cruz’s Betrayal

A. What is the reveal?

Cruz, who seemed like The Courier’s closest ally, has been sabotaging and betraying him throughout the journey.

B. How did it get covered up?

Cruz’s actions were always masked as unfortunate events or accidents. He always had a valid excuse or seemed as shocked and surprised as The Courier.

C. Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense:

• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mystery: How certain obstacles or attacks on The Courier’s path seems too precise, almost as if someone is feeding information to the Night Authority about his moves.
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Intrigue: Cruz occasionally disappears during critical moments, offering vague explanations upon return. He also has secret communications with an unknown party, to which he replies that he’s got “a side business.”
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Suspense: As The Courier faces increasing danger, we ask who is the mole? With suspicions cast on multiple characters, Cruz’s betrayal is a shocking twist.

D. Dramatic Impact:

Cruz’s treachery shatters The Courier’s trust. It makes him question everyone’s loyalty, friendship, and whether or not any of this is real.

Reveal #6: Griffin’s Hidden Assistance and Aspiration

A. What is the reveal?

Griffin, who has been shrouded in ambiguity as our red herring, has been covertly aiding The Courier and Astra all along, hoping to be mentored by The Courier.

B. How did it get covered up?

Griffin’s actions are always on the periphery, subtle enough to be dismissed. He intervenes discreetly, preventing catastrophes while keeping his true intentions obscured.

C. Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense:

• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mystery<font face=”inherit”>: Who fixed </font>The<font face=”inherit”> Courier’s car at Bazaar? Who got them out of jail near the end? Random acts of assistance—whose source remains elusive—aid The Courier and Astra’s journey.</font>
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Intrigue: Griffin’s coincidental appearances and cryptic comments suggest he knows more than he lets on, but he never directly offers allegiance.
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Suspense: The constant uncertainty surrounding Griffin’s role and allegiance creates tension. Why does he intervene, yet stay distant? Does he have an ulterior motive?

D. Dramatic Impact upon Revelation:

Discovering Griffin’s desire for mentorship adds a layer of emotional depth to the narrative arc of this character. It’s a personal story of aspiration, seeking guidance and mentorship, and trying to find one’s place in this dark world.

Reveal #7: The Hidden World of The Night Authority

A. What is the reveal?

The Night Authority not only governs the covert operations that happen under the cover of darkness but also oversees an entire hidden society that awakens at night, complete with its own commerce, justice system, rituals, and a hierarchy that has silently coexisted alongside the ‘day’ world for centuries.

B. How did it get covered up?

Their activities and the existence of this underworld are hidden in plain sight, masked by mundane nocturnal activities. Night workers, insomniacs, late-night cafes, and even clubs serve as fronts for this secretive society. You just have to “know where to look.”

C. Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense:

• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mystery<font face=”inherit”>: What </font>actually<font face=”inherit”> happens at night </font>when<font face=”inherit”> we go to bed and the night world wakes up? What are the rules? WHO rules the night? How deep does The Night </font>Authority<font face=”inherit”> go?</font>
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Intrigue: The Courier occasionally interacts with seemingly ordinary people who, with just a nod or a whispered password, reveal their affiliation with this world, providing him with resources or information.
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Suspense: Anyone could be part of the The Night World, and not everyone is playing for Team The Courier!

D. Dramatic Impact upon Revelation:

It becomes clear that The Night Authority’s influence isn’t just about a parcel or controlling the literal night. They govern an entire ecosystem that thrives in the shadows, with its own set of rules, power dynamics, and a vast network that stretches everywhere. Our journey through this world exposes us to its depth, complexity, and the immense power The Night Authority wields over it.

I’ve planted the reveals into the thriller map strategically to pace the outline/script to heighten tension and reward the viewer/reader into wanting to see and read more. I think that as I continue to add some more reveals, more secrets are going to come out and my intrigue and suspense will get better.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Trust Relationships

What I learned from doing this assignment is that there is a LOT of complexity in my story and a lot of mistrust, some well place and some not. Moreover, in doing this exercise, I also re-evaluated and recreated a few narratives and mysteries. And that will probably change again. And again.

MAIN CHARACTER LIST:

1. (Hero) The Courier

Basic Trust State: Trust issues due to the clandestine nature of his job and past tragedies/experiences. Seen by all as the best courier out there and therefore the most trustworthy.

Appears not trustable as he is a maverick in his ways of doing things, but trustable to get the job done and always on time with almost no issues ever.

2. (Villain) Nocturne

Basic Trust State: Highly not trustable. Mainly due to his mysteriousness.

Could be seen as trustable by offering up hints to his identity or the package’s contents, but this is merely to cause him doubt about his goal and what he’s actually carrying.

3. (Red Herring) Griffin

Basic State: Seen as not trustable, but is just trying to help.

Could be seen as non trustable being seen with Night Authority enforcers or warning The Courier not to trust others, but it’s genuine concern. However, could also be seen as trustable in learning information but sharing it too late (on purpose or not?)

4. (Isn’t trusted but should be trusted) Astra

Basic State: Mysterious, initially not trustable due to unpredictability and vagabond nature.

Her constantly showing up suddenly in the path of The Courier, combined with her ability to get into places and order others around as well as obviously hiding information seem not trustable and are highly suspicious but she is in fact highly trustable.

5. (Trusted, but shouldn’t be trusted) Cruz – Old Friend/Partner

Basic State: Appears trustable due to past relationship, but time’s are hard, and money’s money, isn’t it?

While an old friend, Cruz’s time away and on his own makes him untrustworthy but he seems trustworthy by offering up help and knowledge, particularly fixing The Courier’s transport.

CHARACTER RELATIONSHIPS (and how trust/distrust shows up):

The Courier/Nocturne: <font face=”inherit”>Deep mistrust. The two are at odds, with Nocturne presenting as the primary antagonist and remaining </font>mysterious<font face=”inherit”> by use of intermediaries, including </font>The<font face=”inherit”> </font>Courier’s<font face=”inherit”> old </font>partner, Cruz<font face=”inherit”>.</font>

The Courier/Griffin: Initially trusts due to Griffin’s eagerness to please (looking for a mentor), but The Courier grows suspicious as the story unfolds, only to find that he’s just new at this.

The Courier/Cruz: Implicit trust because of past experiences as partners, but that sours as we learn that he’s being paid by Nocturne.

The Courier/Astra: A long, complicated relationship of showing up out of nowhere at various points on the road. Almost an estranged father/daughter relationship, fill with initial distrust at first due to her sudden appearance but gradually comes to rely on her.

Travel By Night new outline

Act I – Setup:

Inciting incident:

THREATS:

– The Courier is given a short-notice, expedited delivery in short timeframe due to other drivers “not being available”

TRUST/DISTRUST: The Courier seeks Cruz’s advice about the package. Cruz hints that he wasn’t the first choice but doesn’t say why, adding to the mystery.

Twist 1 (Lost their resources): The Courier arrives at his base of operations expecting to be on his way immediately, only to find that his transportation has been sabotaged by someone with firsthand knowledge of his life.

TRUST/DISTRUST: An anonymous tip warns The Courier of Nocturne’s involvement.

– From the very moment he is tasked with the delivery, he has the feeling of being watched as he is being watched

MYSTERY:

– Dispatch casually mentions that The Courier wasn’t the first choice, suggesting it was due to availability or skill set.

Twist 2 (Something planned for doesn’t happen): The Courier expects to pick up a simple package (documents, illicit/stolen goods, etc., but finds only a smooth, steel box with one opening for a key and the number “017” etched on the top.

Twist 3 (Something planned for doesn’t happen/new consequences emerge): He’s also expecting the “standard timeframe to deliver,” but Dispatch informs him that it must be cross country in a much shorter time, which may result in his loss of privileges.

– The package is a metal box with no markings save the numbers “017” etched into the metal, a triangle key hole.

– False allies in the form of fellow couriers and other “night travelers” who at first appear to be genuinely helpful, but may be trying to hinder or steal the package.

TRUST/DISTRUST: Griffin offers assistance, against the rules, but it’s just his naïveté.

– Where is everyone? Why can’t he contact some of his connections?

Twist 4 (a new problem occurs): He meets Astra, asking for information, and then he’s forced to take Astra along with him.

TRUST/DISTRUST: When they meet, Astra seems to know of the new delivery deadline before The Courier tells her.

VILLAIN’S PLAN:

Sabotage: The courier’s main vehicle is sabotaged that isn’t a quick repair (someone knew how to hamstring his transport run effectively), and he’s forced to use his backup, which is less secure and less well-equipped.

Turning point:

THREATS:

– The Courier’s primary vehicle is damaged/sabotaged, putting him in a less-than-ideal backup vehicle that doesn’t have the known/unseen safety features necessary for a clandestine trip through the Night Authority.

MYSTERY:

– Discovery of sabotage elements (it’s not a regular malfunction). Clues hinting at insider knowledge of the courier’s vehicle – where it was stored and how to disable it.

TRUST/DISTRUST: The Courier confronts Cruz and Griffin separately about the sabotage, given Cruz’s detailed knowledge of his operations and Griffin’s mechanical propensity.
– Night Authority – may be infiltrated by Nocturne’s influence to stop The Courier (also regular authorities – Highway Patrols, sheriffs, etc. – may be turned as well

Twist 5 (New consequences emerge): He’s expecting to move along quickly and quietly and not attract attention, but with his backup vehicle he is finding it harder to move without proper “identification”

– Denizens – night denizens, creatures of night myth, usually uninterested in the goings-on of the Night World, suddenly come out of the literal dark to try get the package

TRUST/DISTRUST: While Nocturne leaves a cryptic message, implying he’s behind the Night denizens’ sudden interest, Astra is able to get them out of trouble. But how? And why is she so cryptic about her past?

VILLAIN’S PLAN:

False Allies: Our hero meets a “Fellow Courier” who seems helpful but has been turned by Nocturne to hinder The Courier.

First Run-In with Authorities: Unknown law enforcement tries to pull him over, against “the rules” of the night transport kingdom. He evades, but realizes the forces against him are more organized and potent than he thought.

Act II – Confrontation:

Rising action:

THREATS:

– Additional physical danger is added when he is confronted by thugs and authorities – both real and Night Authority agents

Twist 6: (we see an unexpected side of someone): needing to get off the road and get a fake passport and car sigil, Astra reveals herself to be quite capable of getting to and into Bazaar – the Night Authority market for everything

– Nocturne has hired other couriers that know The Courier to track him and chase him down, including The Night Authority rogue agents that are looking to stop him

– A trip to Bazaar for parts and information leads to trouble

TRUST/DISTRUST: The Courier begins to suspect Astra’s true identity and role in the Night World.

MYSTERY:

– Introduction of seemingly helpful characters Astra, Griffin and other couriers.

– – Inexplicable failures or setbacks while they’re around, especially Griffin, a great mechanic who knows The Courier the longest/most.

– Griffin offers to take the route, noticing The Courier is using his secondary vehicle.

Midpoint:

THREATS:

– A close ally springs a trap on The Courier by Luring The Courier and Astra into a dangerous situation.

Twist 7 (It just got more dangerous): an old close ally springs a trap with the assistance of rogue agents in the Night Authority

TRUST/DISTRUST: The Courier, feeling desperate, accepts Griffin’s help, but Griffin seems to be leading him into a trap.

MYSTERY:

– Strange encounters with mythic creatures, normally no interaction.

Turning point two

THREATS:

– The Courier is picked up and has to be rescued by an Astra, putting her in Danger, and putting her in a situation where she may be injured or possibly die

Twist 8 (the worst possible thing happens): Seemingly in the clear and making up time, they are suddenly picked up by “regular” law enforcement on a tip from someone

TRUST/DISTRUST: In captivity, The Courier thinks that Griffin may have led them into a trap, but might have connections with “real world law enforcement” to get them out.

– If he doesn’t complete the task, he becomes an delivery agent that is “less than” and unhireable

MYSTERY:

– The Future Key – presented by Nocturne himself who near the end, while never showing his face to us, alludes that he is the future self, giving The Courier the key to open it and stop what will happen

– The discovery that it’s an aged version of a key the Courier already owns.

– The realization that his own key doesn’t work on the package lock.

VILLAIN’S PLAN:

Mythic Denizens Encounter: Night denizens approach The Courier interested in what he has in his car. This is unusual and can only the work of someone who told them what was in the package.

Act III – Resolution:

Pre climax

THREATS:

– The Courier’s closeness to the villain (the same person, or at least that is what Nocturne says) makes him susceptible to future knowledge that can be used against him.

TRUST/DISTRUST: Cruz reveals he’s been resentful of The Courier for some old betrayal.

MYSTERY:

Climax

Twist 9: (new options emerge): the code is you never look in the package, but Nocturne offers up a key that will open the package

Twist 10: (secret identity uncovered): Nocturne is The Courier… or is he?

THREATS:

– The danger that the package presents is a big unknown that has put him into a tough situation, as Nocturne offers up a key that he says can unlock it so he can see why he shouldn’t make the delivery – putting The Courier at odds with The Code.

MYSTERY:

– What’s in the box?

VILLAIN’S PLAN:

Final Confrontation with Nocturne (Climax): An elaborate chase ends in a standoff where Nocturne reveals that he is a future version of the Courier, hinting that delivery of the package is a mistake. Leaving The Courier with doubt.

Conclusion

DISTRUST/TRUST: After the climax, Astra’s true backstory solidifies her as having her own hidden agenda, but it’s for his and everyone else’s good.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Twists and Turns

What I learned form doing this assignment is that I have a lot of twists (and turns) already, but figuring out more has actually led to me streamlining my idea, that in my head had gotten wildly out of control.

Travel By Night new outline

Act I – Setup:

Inciting incident:

THREATS:

– The Courier is given a short-notice, expedited delivery in short timeframe due to other drivers “not being available”

Twist 1 (Lost their resources): The Courier arrives at his base of operations expecting to be on his way immediately, only to find that his transportation has been sabotaged by someone with firsthand knowledge of his life.

– From the very moment he is tasked with the delivery, he has the feeling of being watched as he is being watched

MYSTERY:

– Dispatch casually mentions that The Courier wasn’t the first choice, suggesting it was due to availability or skill set.

Twist 2 (Something planned for doesn’t happen): The Courier expects to pick up a simple package (documents, illicit/stolen goods, etc., but finds only a smooth, steel box with one opening for a key and the number “017” etched on the top.

Twist 3 : He’s also the “standard timeframe to deliver,” but Dispatch informs him it must be cross country in a much shorter time, which may result in his loss of privileges

– The package is a metal box with no markings save the numbers “017” etched into the metal, a triangle key hole.

– False allies in the form of fellow couriers and other “night travelers” who at first appear to be genuinely helpful, but may be trying to hinder or steal the package.

– Where is everyone? Why can’t he contact some of his connections?

Twist 4 (a new problem occurs): He meets Astra, asking for information, and then <font face=”inherit”>he’s forced to take Astra along with him.

VILLAIN’S PLAN:

Sabotage: The courier’s main vehicle is sabotaged that isn’t a quick repair (someone knew how to hamstring his transport run effectively), and he’s forced to use his backup, which is less secure and less well-equipped.

Turning point:

THREATS:

– The Courier’s primary vehicle is damaged/sabotaged, putting him in a less-than-ideal backup vehicle that doesn’t have the known/unseen safety features necessary for a clandestine trip through the Night Authority.

MYSTERY:

– Discovery of sabotage elements (it’s not a regular malfunction). Clues hinting at insider knowledge of the courier’s vehicle – where it was stored and how to disable it.
– Night Authority – may be infiltrated by Nocturne’s influence to stop The Courier (also regular authorities – Highway Patrols, sheriffs, etc. – may be turned as well

Twist 5 (New consequences emerge): He’s expecting to move along quickly and quietly and not attract attention, but with his backup vehicle he is finding it harder to move without proper “identification”

– Denizens – night denizens, creatures of night myth, usually uninterested in the goings-on of the Night World, suddenly come out of the literal dark to try get the package

VILLAIN’S PLAN:

False Allies: Our hero meets a “Fellow Courier” who seems helpful but has been turned by Nocturne to hinder The Courier.

First Run-In with Authorities: Unknown law enforcement tries to pull him over, against “the rules” of the night transport kingdom. He evades, but realizes the forces against him are more organized and potent than he thought.

Act II – Confrontation:

Rising action:

THREATS:

– Additional physical danger is added when he is confronted by thugs and authorities – both real and Night Authority agents

Twist 6: (we see an unexpected side of someone): needing to get off the road and get a fake passport and car sigil, Astra reveals herself to be quite capable of getting to and into Bazaar – the Night Authority market for everything

– Nocturne has hired other couriers that know The Courier to track him and chase him down, including The Night Authority rogue agents that are looking to stop him

– A trip to Bazaar for parts and information leads to trouble

MYSTERY:

– Introduction of seemingly helpful characters Astra, Griffin and other couriers.

– – Inexplicable failures or setbacks while they’re around, especially Griffin, a great mechanic who knows The Courier the longest/most.

– Griffin offers to take the route, noticing The Courier is using his secondary vehicle.

Midpoint:

THREATS:

– A close ally springs a trap on The Courier by Luring The Courier and Astra into a dangerous situation.

Twist 7 (It just got more dangerous): an old close ally springs a trap with the assistance of rogue agents in the Night Authority

MYSTERY:

– Strange encounters with mythic creatures, normally no interaction.

Turning point two

THREATS:

– The Courier is picked up and has to be rescued by an Astra, putting her in Danger, and putting her in a situation where she may be injured or possibly die

Twist 8 (the worst possible thing happens): Seemingly in the clear and making up time, they are suddenly picked up by “regular” law enforcement on a tip from someone

– If he doesn’t complete the task, he becomes an delivery agent that is “less than” and unhireable

MYSTERY:

– The Future Key – presented by Nocturne himself who near the end, while never showing his face to us, alludes that he is the future self, giving The Courier the key to open it and stop what will happen

– The discovery that it’s an aged version of a key the Courier already owns.

– The realization that his own key doesn’t work on the package lock.

VILLAIN’S PLAN:

Mythic Denizens Encounter: Night denizens approach The Courier interested in what he has in his car. This is unusual and can only the work of someone who told them what was in the package.

Act III – Resolution:

Pre climax

THREATS:

– The Courier’s closeness to the villain (the same person, or at least that is what Nocturne says) makes him susceptible to future knowledge that can be used against him.

MYSTERY:

Climax

Twist 9: (new options emerge): the code is you never look in the package, but Nocturne offers up a key that will open the package

Twist 10: (secret identity uncovered): Nocturne is The Courier… or is he?

THREATS:

– The danger that the package presents is a big unknown that has put him into a tough situation, as Nocturne offers up a key that he says can unlock it so he can see why he shouldn’t make the delivery – putting The Courier at odds with The Code.

MYSTERY:

– What’s in the box?

VILLAIN’S PLAN:

Final Confrontation with Nocturne (Climax): An elaborate chase ends in a standoff where Nocturne reveals that he is a future version of the Courier, hinting that delivery of the package is a mistake. Leaving The Courier with doubt.

Conclusion

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Thriller Plot!

What I learned from doing this lesson is that I loathe outlining, but the process works. And from all the classes I have taken from Hal, you’d think I’d know that…

I am using the standard 3-act structure with a bit of circular Fabula/syuzhet story structure due to it’s twist at the end [as conceived for now].

Act I – Setup:

Inciting incident:

THREATS:

– The Courier is given a short-notice, expedited delivery in short timeframe due to other drivers “not being available”

– From the very moment he is tasked with the delivery, he has the feeling of being watched as he is being watched

MYSTERY:

– Dispatch casually mentions that The Courier wasn’t the first choice, suggesting it was due to availability or skill set.

– The package is a metal box with no markings save the numbers “0008” etched into the metal, a triangle key hole.

– False allies in the form of fellow couriers and other “night travelers” who at first appear to be genuinely helpful, but may be trying to hinder or steal the package.

– Where is everyone?

– Why can’t he contact some of his connections?

VILLAIN’S PLAN:

Sabotage: The courier’s main vehicle is sabotaged that isn’t a quick repair (someone knew how to hamstring his transport run effectively), and he’s forced to use his backup, which is less secure and less well-equipped.

Turning point:

THREATS:

– The Courier’s primary vehicle is damaged/sabotaged, putting him in a less-than-ideal backup vehicle that doesn’t have the known/unseen safety features necessary for a clandestine trip through the Night Authority.

MYSTERY:

– Discovery of sabotage elements (it’s not a regular malfunction). Clues hinting at insider knowledge of the courier’s vehicle – where it was stored and how to disable it.

– Night Authority – may be infiltrated by Nocturne’s influence to stop The Courier (also regular authorities – Highway Patrols, sheriffs, etc. – may be turned as well

– Denizens – night denizens, creatures of night myth, usually uninterested in the goings-on of the Night World, suddenly come out of the literal dark to try get the package

VILLAIN’S PLAN:

False Allies: Our hero meets a “Fellow Courier” who seems helpful but has been turned by Nocturne to hinder The Courier.

First Run-In with Authorities: Unknown law enforcement tries to pull him over, against “the rules” of the night transport kingdom. He evades, but realizes the forces against him are more organized and potent than he thought.

Act II – Confrontation:

Rising action:

THREATS:

– Additional physical danger is added when he is confronted by thugs and authorities – both real and Night Authority agents

– Nocturne has hired other couriers that know The Courier to track him and chase him down, including The Night Authority rogue agents that are looking to stop him

– A trip to Bazaar for parts and information leads to trouble

MYSTERY:

– Introduction of seemingly helpful characters Astra, Griffin and other couriers.

– – Inexplicable failures or setbacks while they’re around, especially Griffin, a great mechanic who knows The Courier the longest/most.

– Griffin offers to take the route, noticing The Courier is using his secondary vehicle.

Midpoint:

THREATS:

– A close ally springs a trap on The Courier by Luring The Courier and Astra into a dangerous situation.

MYSTERY:

– Strange encounters with mythic creatures, normally no interaction.

Turning point two

THREATS:

– The Courier is picked up and has to be rescued by an Astra, putting her in Danger, and putting her in a situation where she may be injured or possibly die

– If he doesn’t complete the task, he becomes an delivery agent that is “less than” and unhireable

MYSTERY:

– The Future Key – presented by Nocturne himself who near the end, while never showing his face to us, alludes that he is the future self, giving The Courier the key to open it and stop what will happen

– The discovery that it’s an aged version of a key the Courier already owns.

– The realization that his own key doesn’t work on the package lock.

VILLAIN’S PLAN:

Mythic Denizens Encounter: Night denizens approach The Courier interested in what he has in his car. This is unusual and can only the work of someone who told them what was in the package.

Act III – Resolution:

Pre climax

THREATS:

– The Courier’s closeness to the villain (the same person, or at least that is what Nocturne says) makes him susceptible to future knowledge that can be used against him.

MYSTERY:

Climax

THREATS:

– The danger that the package presents is a big unknown that has put him into a tough situation, as Nocturne offers up a key that he says can unlock it so he can see why he shouldn’t make the delivery – putting The Courier at odds with The Code.

MYSTERY:

– What’s in the box?

VILLAIN’S PLAN:

Final Confrontation with Nocturne (Climax): An elaborate chase ends in a standoff where Nocturne reveals that he is a future version of the Courier, hinting that delivery of the package is a mistake. Leaving The Courier with doubt.

Conclusion

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Life Threatening Sequence

What I learned from doing this assignment is that, although I have it all in my head, it’s good to get it in steps and down on paper.

1. Nocturne’s Plan & How It Puts The Courier in Danger

Nocturne’s plan is to stop The Courier from making a successful deliver of The Package on time. The efforts that he uses to stop The Courier from completing his task involve secondary characters used to stop him from moving forward escalating to actual interaction to appeal to his human nature, putting The Courier in both physical and mental danger and loss of his reputation as someone who can complete deliveries.

2. Potential Dangers – that work in “Drive at Night” and in sequenced order

Talking about the danger: this is a short-notice, expedited delivery in short timeframe due to other drivers “not being available”

Surveillance/watched/stalked: From the very moment he is tasked with the delivery, he has the feeling of being watched as he is being watched by agents of Nocturne looking to stop him any way they can

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Physical danger<font face=”inherit”>: his primary vehicle is damaged/sabotaged, putting him in a less-than-ideal backup vehicle that </font>doesn’t<font face=”inherit”> </font>have<font face=”inherit”> the known/unseen safety features necessary for a clandestine trip through the Night </font>Authority

Additional physical danger is added when he is confronted by thugs and authorities – both real and Night Authority

Something that damages their reputation & loss of jobs/career: if he doesn’t complete the task, he becomes an delivery agent that is “less than” and unhireable

Chased by Thugs or professionals hired to hurt him: Nocturne has hired other couriers that know The Courier to track him and chase him down, including The Night Authority rogue agents that are looking to stop him

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Someone operating covertly around them/Betrayal from someone close: a close ally springs a trap on The Courier by L<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>uring The Courier and Astra into a dangerous situation.

<font face=”inherit”>Closeness to the villain: The Courier’s </font>closeness<font face=”inherit”> to the villain (the same person, or at least that is what </font>Nocturne<font face=”inherit”> says) makes him </font>susceptible<font face=”inherit”> to future knowledge that can be used against him.</font>

Arrested: The Courier is picked up and has to be rescued by an Astra, putting her in Danger, and putting her in a situation where she may be injured or possibly die

<font face=”inherit” style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>The unknown: </font>the<font face=”inherit” style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> danger that the </font>package<font><font face=”inherit”> presents is a big unknown that has put him into a tough situation, as </font>Nocturne<font face=”inherit”> offers up a key that he says can unlock it so he can see why he shouldn’t make the delivery – putting The Courier at odds with The Code</font></font>

[Timothy Barley]

Hello! I don’t seem to have the correct time for the live meetings. Can anyone tell me what time/day they are?

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Mystery Sequence

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it’s actually quite fun to create the cover up to the secrets and mysteries.

Big Secret cover up:

Nocturne is actually The Courier future self, attempting to stop a cataclysmic event triggered by the package’s successful delivery.

Covering up the secret/mysteries:

– THE PACKAGE [THE Mystery] is a metal box with no markings save the numbers “0008” etched into the metal, a triangle key hole.

– Dispatch casually mentions that The Courier wasn’t the first choice, suggesting it was due to availability or skill set.

– Sabotage: The Courier discovers an issue with his primary vehicle that may indicate sabotage, causing him to take his secondary, less equipped vehicle.

– False allies in the form of fellow couriers and other “night travelers” who at first appear to be genuinely helpful, but may be trying to hinder or steal the package.

– Night Authority – may be infiltrated by Nocturne’s influence to stop The Courier (also regular authorities – Highway Patrols, sheriffs, etc. – may be turned as well

– Denizens – night denizens, creatures of night myth, usually uninterested in the goings-on of the Night World, suddenly come out of the literal dark to try get the package

– The Future Key – presented by Nocturne himself who near the end, while never showing his face to us, alludes that he is the future self, giving The Courier the key to open it and stop what will happen

Sequence of mysteries & Mystery Chains

The Package – what it is and who wants it and why do they want it?

1. What is the package?

2. Why the courier wasn’t the first choice. Which couriers wouldn’t/couldn’t pull this off? Why was he chosen?

– Where is everyone?

– Why can’t he contact some of his connections?

3. Why the courier’s primary vehicle was sabotaged?

– Vehicle not start.

– Discovery of sabotage elements (it’s not a regular malfunction).

– Clues hinting at insider knowledge of the courier’s vehicle – where it was stored and how to disable it.

4. Who the false allies are and why they’re interfering?

– Introduction of seemingly helpful characters Astra, Griffin and other couriers.

– Inexplicable failures or setbacks while they’re around, especially Griffin, a great mechanic who knows The Courier the longest/most.

– Griffin offers to take the route, noticing The Courier is using his secondary vehicle.

5. Why mythic night denizens are interested in the package.

– Strange encounters with mythic creatures, normally no interaction.

– Them having knowledge of the package.

– Discovery that someone has been leaking information to them.

6. Why Nocturne gives the courier a key to the package.

– Presentation of a key by Nocturne.

– The discovery that it’s an aged version of a key the Courier already owns.

– The realization that his own key doesn’t work on the package lock.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Villain (Nocturne) Has a Great Plan!

What I learned from doing this lesson is that I had a good idea for a villain and a plan, but not a real plan. It’s beginning to take shape, although I am keeping it basic for now due to a possible major twist ending.

1. Villain’s (Nocturne’s) End Goal:

Nocturne’s goal is to stop the courier from delivering the package because doing so would bring about an unnamed catastrophe that he has seen. Nocturne has seen and lived this future and is willing to undo it at any cost, even sabotaging himself.

2. Devious Methods:

Through the use of intermediaries (until he realizes he may have to actually meet his old self), sabotaging the courier’s first vehicle causing our hero to use a back up/less equipped vehicle, hiring false allies to help the courier, setting other mythic denizens of the night on him, alluding to it’s great value to them, offering him a key to open it (which is against his code), and a last minute meeting with him before he drops off the package.

3. Covering it Up:

The use of intermediaries, false allies and other denizens of the night courier trade to try and stop the courier.

Sequencing:

Sabotage: The courier’s main vehicle is sabotaged that isn’t a quick repair (someone knew how to hamstring his transport run effectively), and he’s forced to use his backup, which is less secure and less well-equipped.

False Allies: Our hero meets a “Fellow Courier” who seems helpful but has been turned by Nocturne to hinder The Courier.

First Run-In with Authorities: Unknown law enforcement tries to pull him over, against “the rules” of the night transport kingdom. He evades, but realizes the forces against him are more organized and potent than he thought.

Mythic Denizens Encounter: Night denizens approach The Courier interested in what he has in his car. This is unusual and can only the work of someone who told them what was in the package.

The Future Key: Nocturne appears and leaves behind a key. It’s an aged version of a key the Courier already possesses, but his own key fails to even fit in the package lock.

False Allies Revealed: Fellow Courier’s betrayal, leading to an ambush by Nocturne’s henchmen, escalating urgency.

Authority Ambush: Close to the drop-off point, they face a roadblock set by corrupt law enforcement in cahoots with Nocturne.

Final Confrontation with Nocturne (Climax): An elaborate chase ends in a standoff where Nocturne reveals that he is a future version of the Courier, hinting that delivery of the package is a mistake. Leaving The Courier with doubt.

Resolution: The Courier successfully makes the drop-off but leaves the audience and himself with lingering questions. Did he avert a terrible future, or enable it?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Stacking Suspense

ASSIGNMENT #1:

What I learned from doing this assignment is that you watch thrillers in a different way and understand more when you look at it though this lens.

I learned that not EVERY scene needs the MIS, and would probably be too much if every scene did have this unnaturally.

Every scene DID use part of the MIS stack and added or answered new mysteries and intrigue.

ASSIGNMENT #2:

Scene #1:

Action: Clarice called into director’s office.

Mystery: Who is Buffalo Bill? And who is Hannibal Lecter?

Intrigue: Why was she chosen when she’s a trainee?

Suspense:

Character MIS: She determined. Why? What’s driving her?

Stakes: Possible career advancement by getting answers from a serial killer.

Scene #2:

Action: Clarice interviews Hannibal

Mystery: How smart is Lechter? Will he provide answers to this trainee?

Intrigue: Why is Dr. Chilton hitting on Clarice?

Suspense: Is Chilton going to be an issue with this investigation?

Character MIS: She thinks she’s good enough to go against Lechter.

Stakes: Danger in going toe to toe with a master psychologist.

Scene #3:

Action: A psychological back and forth.

Mystery: Who will this battle of wits?

Intrigue: Lechter is charming and coolness.

Suspense: The mind games

Character MIS: Wants to be see as more than a badge and a skirt.

Stakes: Answers and acceptance from Lechter.

Scene #4:

Action: A tip from Lechter leads to a storage unit.

Mystery: What’s in the storage unit?

Intrigue:

Suspense: Will she stumble across something or someone?

Character MIS:

Stakes: More clues.

Scene #5:

Action: Another prison interview with Lechter

Mystery: What’s Lechter want from Clarice?

Intrigue: Probing questions from Lechter.

Suspense:

Character MIS: Clarice wants to advance, so she plays along.

Stakes: More answers

Scene #6:

Action: Buffalo Bill kidnaps next victim

Mystery: Will he get his next victim?

Intrigue: Using a fake broken arm and a chair into a van to get the woman.

Suspense: Is she going to fall for it and get kidnapped?

Character MIS:

Stakes: Kidnapping

Scene #7:

Action: Investigation and autopsy

Mystery:

Intrigue: Cops vs FBI

Suspense: What isn’t Crawford telling her?

Character MIS: How hard does Clarice have to work to get accepted as a female?

Stakes: being accepted and taken seriously.

Scene #8:

Action: Natural history museum to learn more about the bug in the woman’s throat

Mystery: What is the bug?

Intrigue: Flirtation.

Suspense:

Character MIS: Clarice can handle the filtration by flirting back

Stakes: The moths are the clue

Scene #9:

Action: News conference

Mystery:

Intrigue:

Suspense: will they find the daughter

Character MIS:

Stakes: timeline set – 3 days to find daughter.

Scene #10:

Action: New interview with Lechter

Mystery: Will Lechter accept offer to work with FBI to find SEnator’s daughter

Intrigue: Chilton is listening in. Why?

Suspense: Why is Lechter pushing Clarice about her past

Character MIS: quid pro quo to get what she wants

Stakes: Getting Lechter to help

Scene #11:

Action: The lotion scene

Mystery: Where is she being held? What’s with the lotion?

Intrigue:

Suspense: will she die here?

Character MIS:

Stakes:

Scene #12:

Action: Chilton works with senator for a REAL deal

Mystery: What’s Chilton playing at? Was there really a deal between Clarice and Lechter?

Intrigue: Chilton’s out for himself. Possibly playing Lechter.

Suspense:

Character MIS:

Stakes: Lechter may be getting out. Probably not a good idea.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Scene #13:

Action: Lechter transfer to Tennessee

Mystery: Is Lechter really secure?

Intrigue: Lechter sends everyone off on a goose chase

Suspense: Will Lechter use this as a chance to escape? How did he get the pen?

Character MIS:

Stakes: Finding Buffalo Bill. Lechter getting out.

Scene #14:

Action: Clarice gets one more chance to talk to Lechter

Mystery: Will she get any more info before she if found out?

Intrigue:

Suspense: What did Lechter mean by “Bye, Clarice,” and touching her hand?

Character MIS: She finally confronted her past.

Stakes: Getting real actual info.

Scene #15:

Action: Lichter is served a second dinner

Mystery: How is he going to escape?

Intrigue: He ordered a second dinner. He’s calm and lulling them into a sense of security.

Suspense: How will he kill them?

Character MIS:

Stakes: Escape!

Scene #16:

Action: The police advance on the fourth floor

Mystery: Is he still there.

Intrigue: Elevator goes up, goes down, there’s a shot

Suspense: The guard is alive, the body in the elevator is believed to be Lechter

Character MIS:

Stakes: Getting away before they discover the body is the police

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Scene #17:

Action: Clarice learns of Lechter’s escape

Mystery: Will she uncover the final message from Lechter?

Intrigue: message is pretty cryptic

Suspense:

Character MIS: She’s confident he won’t come after her

Stakes: Find the girl!

Scene #18:

Action: Belvedere, OH

Mystery: What is the connection to the first victim?

Intrigue:

Suspense: Is she over her here with out Lechter to guide her?

Character MIS:

Stakes: Find the connection to the first victim

Scene #19:

Action: Bill’s house

Mystery: Will Kathryn’s plan to get the dog work?

Intrigue:

Suspense: will she get the dog or will she get punished more?

Character MIS:

Stakes: for Kathryn getting out

Scene #20:

Action: Calumet City

Mystery: Will the swat team take the house and find Buffalo Bill?

Intrigue: Where are they? Where is Clarice?

Suspense: Will they and Clarice get Kathryn out safely?

Character MIS:

Stakes: Clarice is in trouble

Scene #21:

Action: Clarice talking to Bill

Mystery: Will she realize it’s him before it’s too late?

Intrigue: Bill questioning Clarice about the case, stalling, gun on the stove

Suspense: There’s a gun on the stove, just out of reach. A moth flitters by.

Character MIS: She realizes she has him

Stakes: Life or death

Scene #22:

Action: Basement

Mystery: Who kills who?

Intrigue: Clarice lies about other officers coming, Bill turns out the lights, using his nigh vision

Suspense: Will she get him even though she’s at a disadvantage

Character MIS: A game of cat and mouse

Stakes: Kill or be killed

Scene #23:

Action: Graduation

Mystery: She has a phone call, who is it?

Intrigue:

Suspence:

Character MIS: Acceptance by peers

Stakes:

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s World and Characters for “Travel By Night”

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I’ve got a really big idea and characters floating around my head, but this lesson is the beginning of making them more concrete.

CONCEPT: In the darkness of America’s nighttime highways and byways, a courier with a mysterious package travels on a perilous journey evading relentless pursuers while navigating the secret society of nighttime denizens from truckers to mythic beings.

Big Mystery: The content and importance of the mysterious package to his future self, his job and other denizens of the night.

Big Intrigue: The future version of the courier is orchestrating events from behind the scenes, manipulating the present through underhanded and hidden means.

Big Suspense: The escalating danger to the courier, trying to complete his delivery as they are pursued not only by their future self’s agents but also other night denizens with varying motives.

INTRIGUING WORLD:

The nighttime world of travelers made up of the lonely, truckers, drivers, law enforcement, pirates, strange mythic beings and the gods of the night, traveling the highways and hidden byways from one bright neon-lit oasis to the next. A world filled with secrets, danger, and magic—a place where every journey is a story and every traveler harbors a hidden purpose or desire.

Top Inner Circle of Characters:

1. The Hero – The Courier:

Big Mystery: What’s his connection to the package and this world, and why was he chosen to carry this package?

Suspense: Will he succeed in delivering the package or will he uncover the truth behind the package?

Intrigue: What led him to this life, and how does he know so much about it?

2. The Ally – Astra, The Roadwise Girl: A 17-year-old emancipated girl who has grown up within the nighttime world, familiar with its unspoken code, mythic beings, and secrets.

Mystery: Why is she alone on the road, and what’s her connection to the hero?

Suspense: How will her knowledge and connections help or hinder the hero’s journey? What secrets is she keeping?

Intrigue: Is she real or inside The Courier’s head? What drives her loyalty to the hero?

3. The Villain – Nocturne: A dark, enigmatic figure hell-bent on stopping The Courier.

Mystery: What’s the true nature of his pursuit, and how are they connected to The Courier?

Suspense: Will he convince The Courier to stop his mission or open the package before The Courier learns how Nocturne is?

Intrigue: The complexity of their mission, the duality of being both a foe and possibly a protector, and the moral ambiguity of their actions add layers of intrigue.

4. The Red Herring – The Fellow Courier: A seemingly friendly fellow courier whom our hero encounters on the road, providing camaraderie and doubt.

Mystery: Why does this new courier have time to hang out and help our hero?

Suspense: Are they an ally, or a secret adversary, or merely a diversion, pulling the hero’s attention from the real villain?

Intrigue: Are they friend or foe? What’s their hidden agenda?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Big MIS for “Travel by Night”

What I learned from doing this assignment is that going over and over the BIG MIS really honed my logline as well as my hero and villain.

Logline:

On the hidden roads of America’s nighttime highways, a courier with a mysterious package travels on a perilous journey evading relentless pursuers while navigating a secret society of nighttime denizens from truckers to mythic beings.

1. Conventions of the story:

– Our hero, The Courier, is an expert driver and delivery agent, traveling by night to avoid prying eyes, “normies,” and traffic. He knows his car’s capabilities, he knows his roads, side roads, his stops and habits of the night travelers.

– The main villain, the biggest obstacle to his delivery, is actually his future self trying to stop him from completing the delivery. There are other obstacles and entities that want the package as the delivery nears.

– The stakes are mysterious. No one knows what’s in the box, but we know everyone seems to want it.

– The situations that arise from our main villain trying to stop him, to possibly supernatural entities trying to get the package, elevate the life and death aspects of attempting to deliver the package.

– Mixing bits of “The Transporter,” “The Hitcher” and “Next Exit,” “Travel by Night” will thrill as a road trip movie, at night, with unknown pursuers.

2. The Big M.I.S. of the story

– Big Mystery: The box. Its mystery is never revealed until the very end. But, why does everyone want it? And will The Courier open it to find out what it is and break his code?

– Big Intrigue: Why is the unseen and unknown future version of him trying to stop him?

– Big Suspense: The dangers that The Courier face grow as he gets closer to his delivery of the mysterious package. His future self becomes more and more desperate to stop himself while his current self has to fend off the other denizens of the night who have taken an interest in his itinerary.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

“Constantine” Thriller Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment is that I really like thrillers. Many types of thrillers. And one of my favorite movies is “Constantine,” which falls into the sub-genre of supernatural thriller for many reasons (see below).

2. Conventions of “Constantine”

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Constantine is a tired, worn-out demon-hunter, that as a suicide survivor, knows he is going to hell when he dies. But, that doesn’t stop him from taking risks to do the right thing. He’s practiced in magic and knowledge of demons, angels and good v evil.

– Dangerous Villain: Mammon, the son of Lucifer himself, who unknown to his father is working with the angel Gabriel and a half-breed demon, Balthazar, to ascend to Earth and bring war.

– High stakes: Literally, hell on earth. Death. Eternal damnation.

– Life and death situations: Again, the life and death is literal, as Constantine travels to hell by electrocuting himself to determine if a police detective’s twin died by suicide. His goal is also to stop Mammon and save the detective to prevent billions from dying.

– This movie is thrilling because? It’s really well written (based on DC Comics source material) without being too inside baseball or over-the-top supernatural story. And it’s really well acted.

3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?

Big Mystery: What’s behind the uptick in demon sightings as well as the death of the twin and Constantine’s priest ally? Who is the servant of God helping Mammon?

Big Intrigue: While Balthazar is the face of the plot at bringing hell to earth, who is pulling his strings from hell? And does Lucifer even know? And what does Gabriel have to do with it, and what is their plan?

Big Suspense: Constantine experiences danger from soldier demons, as well as common demons, a half-breed demon named Balthazar working for Mammon and a duplicitous angel, Gabriel, all putting Constantine at risk being sent to hell.

<u style=”font-weight: bold;”>4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller? It’s really well written and acted, touching on a bit of religious dogma, and throwing in a bit of horror as well.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Good afternoon!

1. Tim Barley

2. Seven features. (One from the 30 screenplay class). Five series, including after the BingeworthyTV class.

3. I want to practice more quick writing skills while working on the thriller genre and learn more about what “thriller” is.

4. I just returned to hurricane-readying LA from an annual 6 week road trip in which I come up with new ideas every year to write about. I also am an 8 handicap on the course.

[Timothy Barley]

1. Tim Barley

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

3.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

Agreed.

Tim Barley

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s High Speed Beat Sheet

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I had already partially done this, but now it’s real and I have to add more flesh to the bones, so to speak!

ACT 1

INT. MARTIN’S HOUSE – DAY

Martin is working while also getting himself ready for the Oscars. Lucifer shows up at his door, dressed as the limo driver. “Let’s talk”

Lucifer discusses what Martin has done with their deal since it was struck. “But, you lied about lying about how you got to where you are.” (none of what has been written about Martin actually happened). Still, if he wins, then Lucifer gets his soul.

INT. TRAVELING LIMO – DAY

They stop to pick up Martin’s +1 – his longtime assistant, bulwark against his shenanigans, and brilliant writer in her own right, Marnie. Lucifer playfully attempts to make a deal with her, but she’s smarter.

INT. OSCAR AWARDS – NIGHT

Lucifer ditches the car and joins them inside (of course he has an invite – someone else’s that he got with a deal that day).

Martin wins his Oscar for Best Picture. He’s not as happy as everyone thinks he should be, of course.

INT. OSCARS AFTER PARTY #1 – NIGHT

Martin strikes a new deal. Makes a deal for that night: let’s do all the things I’ve every pretended to do and we’ll see if we can survive. But, Lucifer must give up his abilities. Lucifer accepts.

ACT 2

INT. OSCARS AFTER PARTY #1 BATHROOM – NIGHT

Martin is confronted by another producer with a score to settle, accusing him of stealing the award.

Lucifer is confronted by Azazel, in the form of an alluring young actress, who tells him that he needs to stay on task or things “must change in Hell.”

Martin comes back as Azazel leaves. They agree it’s time to get on with the bet. Shots are taken…

INT. OSCARS AFTER PARTY #2 – NIGHT

Outdoor party, dancing, drinking, confronted by a young actress (old flame) who wants a break. Lucifer could offer a deal, but he doesn’t. Can he, without his powers?

Azazel offers her a tissue when Martin tells her there is nothing he can do, even though there are on good terms.

They go in search of drugs and more parties.

<u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 3

INT. DTLA ELECTRONIC DANCE CLUB – NIGHT

Both are partying hard and dancing, doing drugs in a corner booth with many women. One sparks Lucifer’s interest. Jealous guys show up. A wild fight ensues.

EXT. DTLA – NIGHT

Lucifer, Martin and woman run out of the club. She takes them to her place. Turns out, she is a servant of Azazel and takes them prisoner.

They escape and find themselves in more trouble when they end up in a very bad part of town. Lucifer is shot and is bleeding when Azazel shows up and takes Martin’s soul.

ACT 4

EXT. COFFEE SHOP – NIGHT

Martin doesn’t understand why he has no soul. Lucifer reveals that he isn’t in trouble, “I’d never give up my immortality. It’s too dangerous up here.”

They come up with a way to get Martin’s soul back.

EXT. BEACH – DAWN

Lucifer tells Martin how Hell actually came to be and how he came to rule it.

Azazel shows up and makes a deal with Lucifer to get Martin’s soul back.

Lucifer pretends to go back to Hell, pushes Azazel in and closes the door. He wants to stay and be a producing partner. Or writer. Or actor. Maybe there is just a little vanity still there.

First, he has to go back to Hell and check on something. The door is locked. Azazel tricked HIM!

END

[Timothy Barley]

aa

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Timothy Barley. Reason: wrong lesson!

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Transformation Events

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it’s so important to create the beats necessary to create the changes from the old ways to the new ways.

Protagonists:

MARTIN STERLING

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>OLD WAYS: selfish, egotistical, narcissist, bullying to avoid actual confrontation, values money over all else

NEW WAYS: open-minded, risk taker, compassionate, empathetic, team player

Changes: Face death, Listen to a good pitch, Get reprimanded by a subordinate, be near someone who “dies,” finds himself with no money

LUCIFER

OLD WAYS: solitary, tempter, evil

NEW WAYS: responsible, light-hearted, “kinder,” playful

Changes: Gives up his powers, share a deep story about how he really got to be ruler of Hell, gets tempted, meets someone who challenges him

ACT 1

Martin finds that his antics, while just for show, may be getting him fired.

Takes a challenge from Martin and gives up his supernatural abilities.

ACT 2

Martin is confronted by an actress, a writer, and a producer, all with scores to settle.

Lucifer is confronted by Azazel, who tells him that she’s taking over.

ACT 3

Martin and Lucifer get too deep with a late night party.

Lucifer’s has to intervene when Azazel tries to tempt his new interest.

ACT 4

Martin loses Lucifer’s interest when Lucifer tells him about how Hell came to be.

Martin and Lucifer have to help each other when Azazel brings her force to bear on both of them, and take Martin’s soul with her.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is that although I hate structure and planning everything in advance, I DO know that it is the best way to get this done and that this lesson is tantamount to success.

PASS #1: Protagonists Martin Sterling and Lucifer

MARTIN STERLING

Concept: Uber producer Martin Sterling accepts an offer from The Devil that leads to a night that neither was expecting. <div>

Main Conflict: Martin suffers from all the bridges he has burned on his way up in Hollywood, and it isn’t making the night any easier.

Old Ways: selfish, egotistical, narcissist, bullying to avoid actual confrontation, values money over all else

New Ways: open-minded, risk taker, compassionate, empathetic, team player

LUCIFER

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Concept: When Lucifer returns to Earth to collect Martin Sterling’s soul, he makes him another offer that leads to a night that neither will forget.

Main conflict: Lucifer’s boredom and restlessness in Hell has given an opening to those who would usurp his power, and one of them has followed him to Earth…

Old Ways: solitary, tempter, evil

New Ways: responsible, light-hearted, “kinder,” playful

Act 1:

Opening: while getting ready for his sure-fire win tonight at the Oscars, Martin is bullying delayed payments to a writer of another upcoming buzzed-about project</div><div>

Inciting Incident: After accepting his award(s), Martin finds Lucifer waiting on him in his limo to go to the parties.

Turning Point: Lucifer makes the offer asking Martin to let him into his world of debauchery.

Act 2:

New plan: embrace all of the debauchery and darkness that humanity can offer in one night</div><div>

Plan in action: partying, drug scoring, strip clubs, after hours parties

Midpoint: time doesn’t seem to exist, they are in the thick of it, Martin makes one too many mistakes with another producer in public

Turning Point: Azazel shows up as they realize that this kind of sucks

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Lucifer begins to realize that not all who subscribe to this life are “evil” and meant for Hell; Martin realizes this fake life has no future</div><div>

New plan: Martin begins to repair bridges, confronts others, listens to even more, Lucifer vows to limit exactly who goes to Hell

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Azazel confronts Lucifer and [what]?; Martin’s next project is cancelled

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Martin repairs final bridges, Lucifer sends Azazel back to Hell.</div><div>

Resolution: Martin announces his next “Indie” project, while Lucifer learns his is locked out of Hell

PASS #2: Antagonist – Azazel

Azazel

Main Conflict: pissed that Lucifer is on Earth and becoming “soft”

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Act 1:

She arrives to make sure that Lucifer is doing his job and not just taking a break.

Act 2:

She lets Lucifer know that she’s there and that she has plans.

Act 3:

Acting as the innocent, young lady she’s pretending to me, she elicits help from everyone from cops, doormen, bar goers and anyone she can provoke to trip up Martin and Lucifer

Act 4:

She leaves, and locks the door to Hell behind her.

</div>

[Timothy Barley]

TIM BARLEY’S CHARACTER INTERVIEWS

What I learned from doing this assignment is that you can really expound on traits and motivations when you have to sound out what your characters’ thoughts are. And that if you treat it like a real interview, you can really get down to the nitty gritty.

While the majority of my characters’ traits did NOT change, the reasoning behind why they have these traits comes more into focus, which will help guide their motivations better down the line. A three dimensional trait makes for a better nuanced character than does a one word trait used as reasoning why a character does what he/she does. I’m still collating the answers in the interviews, but will edit this as necessary.

[Timothy Barley]

LESSON #3: TIM BARLEY’S CHARACTER PROFILE #2

“What I learned from doing this assignment is that I am THANKFUL that I have saved everything in a Word doc as I am going along, and that it’s fun to really dig into my characters.”

Character profile part 2:

LEAD CHARACTERS:

Martin Sterling

What draws us to this character? He’s got it all, doesn’t he? But, he’s conflicted now.

Traits: Mercurial, sanguine, introverted extrovert, all talk

Subtext: he talks loudly, fast and mean to disguise that he’s not ALL that bad, despite his rep

Flaw: he has to live up to what he’s created and he’s finding it harder and harder to do so

Values: happiness and money are the most important, part of his flaw that this will lead to more and more happiness

Irony: he knows that his ‘bad behavior” is a self fulfilling prophecy that eats away at his soul

What makes this the right character for the role? He’s got it all and he got it unfairly and now he doesn’t want it, does he?

The Devil

What draws us to this character? He’s the devil: suave, powerful, magnetic, articulate, the list goes on and on

Traits: evil, angelic, fair, tricky, funny

Subtext: double speaks, talks in deals and

Flaw: doesn’t want to be ruler of Hell anymore. He leaves himself open to revolt

Values: truth, honesty, love of God

Irony: he’s “evil” but does it for the good of people

What makes this the right character for the role? No other figure in history is more misunderstood (in his opinion) than the Angel that took one for the team…

Azazel

What draws us to this character? Deliciously, outright ruthlessly evil with no compunctions

Traits: brutal, really evil, conniving, driven

Subtext: menacing, physically dominant

Flaw: short sighted and tunnel visioned

Values: care about nothing but power and the throne

Irony:

What makes this the right character for the role? No other figure can stand against Lucifer than Azazel

[Timothy Barley]

LESSON #2: Tim Barley’s Character Profiles Part I

What I learned from doing this assignment is that this is a great exercise to piece together future motivation(s) for my characters from protagonist to antagonist to supporting characters.

Protagonist [Martin Sterling] role: Runner

Martin is literally on the run from the Oscars ceremony until the next morning as he dodges crazy exes, domineering rival producers and disgruntled writers/actors/directors all night.

Antagonist [Azazel] role: Predatory Change Agent

Azazel, ruthless and relentless, is 2nd in command in Hell and normally collects souls, but is suspicious when The Devil takes the Martin assignment. His suspicion will drive him to pursue his quarry as far as it takes, and will use disguise, deceit chase and discord to catch them.

Other character’s that are necessary (names TBA):

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS:

Martin’s #1 assistant

Martin’s #2 assistant

Studio Head

Rival Producer #1

Disgruntled writer

MINOR ROLES

Rival Producer #2

Crazy actor

Crazy actress

BACKGROUND CHARACTERS

Oscar attendees, Oscar party attendees, LA club scene people

GENRE: Dark Comedy

LEAD CHARACTERS:

Martin Sterling

Role in the story: Protagonist – legendary hedonistic Hollywood Uber producer

Age range and Description: 40’s, athletic/strong health freak balances his love for booze and drugs

Internal Journey: FROM jaded, egotistical, bottom-line, control freak tyrant TO humble, empathetic and creative driven producer, allowing others to use their creativity

External Journey: FROM a man that has everything done for him TO a man that takes control of his OWN life in running from threats both real and supernatural and working WITH others and not against them

Motivation: atone for the person he has become instead of what he was

Wound: loss of his innocent/creative side he came into this industry with

Mission/Agenda: atone by making amends with those he wronged

Secret: many of the ideas that he used to get rich didn’t come from himself, but others

What makes them special? dormant creativity with hard charging style

The Devil

Role in the story: Protagonist – (curious about life) Prince of Darkness

Age range and Description: (human form) – young, attractive man in his early 30’s

Internal Journey: FROM sinister, evil, bored, restless Lord of Hell to believer in humanity and open to new experiences that Earth has to offer

External Journey: FROM overseer of the tortured damned to one learning that humans can be so much worse to themselves than he can ever be.

Motivation: experience the decadence that Martin has cultivated to achieve a thrill he hasn’t had in a long time

Wound: making a deal with God to rule Hell, thereby losing his Angel status

Mission/Agenda: have a good time, stop Azazel

Secret: may be planning abdicating his throne in an appeal to return to Heaven

What makes them special? he’s Satan

Azazel

Role in the story: Antagonist – disgruntled demon, one of three who would rule Hell in Lucifer’s absence

Age range and Description: (human form) – young, attractive woman in her early 30’s

Internal Journey: from demon that wants to kill Lucifer to one that crafts a plan to become ruler of Hell

External Journey: from her arrival on Earth to hounding Martin and Lucifer all night until they finally confront each other

Motivation: to be ruler of Hell

Wound: rebelled against God

Mission/Agenda: kill or trap Lucifer on Earth

Secret: other demons do not know she is on Earth

What makes them special? She’s a brutal, chaotic, insane high ranking demon from Hell

[Timothy Barley]

(Just an FYI to those who are new to this: always save what you are inputting (here or anywhere) as a Word doc on your computer. In cases like this last week, all I have to do is copy/paste them back here.)

LESSON #1: Tim Barley’s Transformation Journey

What I learned from doing this assignment is that doing the Stuart Smalley “I’m good enough…” empowerment is a great way to get writing and thinking! Also, while I thought I had a handle on my idea, working through this assignment alone got me to round of some edges that I needed to address.

I have two heroes/protagonists for this project: uber movie producer Martin Sterling and The Devil.

Martin’s internal journey: FROM jaded, egotistical, bottom-line, control freak tyrant TO humble, empathetic and creative driven producer, allowing others to use their creativity

Matin’s external journey: FROM a man that has everything done for him TO a man that takes control of his OWN life in running from threats both real and supernatural and working WITH others and not against them

The Devil’s internal journey: FROM sinister, evil, bored, restless Lord of Hell to believer in humanity and open to new experiences that Earth has to offer

The Devil’s external journey: FROM overseer of the tortured damned to one learning that humans can be so much worse to themselves than he can ever be.

———

Martin’s old ways: selfish, egotistical, narcissist, values money over all else

Martin’s new ways: open-minded, risk taker, compassionate, empathetic, team player

The Devil’s old ways: solitary, tempter, evil

The Devil’s new ways: responsible, light-hearted, “kinder,” playful

[Timothy Barley]

[Once again…:) }]

1. My name is Tim Barley

2. I’ve worked in TV production (writers’ room) and have written three pilots, including just finishing one as part of the ScreenwritingU’s “BingeworthyTV Bootcamp.” Now, I want to return to screenwriting with a goal of writing three a year. I have written seven previous screenplays, about two of them good… 🙂

3. To be able to write well quickly. Lots of ideas in my head that need to get out!

4. I am a scratch golfer, I drive Uber for fun ($$ goes to my vacation fund), and own a social media consultancy that works with international health care non-profits (cancer orgs)

[Timothy Barley]

[Finally able to get back in here!!!]

1. Tim Barley.

2. TI agree to the terms of this release form.

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Marketing Campaign

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I have already started creating the marketing campaign!

I’ve selected marketing campaign #1 (Can’t Travel – although I CAN and DO live in LA), with a specific emphasis on strategies 5-9 (building a fan base).

The first action I am taking is to create the social channels around the title (currently not published), and share items that will create buzz and create fans.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Query Letter Draft ONE

What I learned from doing this assignment was that, like my script, I need to tighten it up and offer up something intriguing without giving it all away.

QUERY LETTER (ORIGINAL DRAFT):

What if I told you that the story of the Garden of Eden is not our beginning of OUR story, but the chilling climax of another?

Enter a world of hidden forces, supernatural entities, magic and super science lurking behind the facade of modern-day L.A. “Decendence” is the story of Alex Powers, the most powerful being alive. He’s just unaware of it. “Good enough” at everything he does, Alex has settled into the apathy of a 30-something uninterested stoner corporate drone. And that’s fine with him. But, there are many groups and beings from the unseen world who DO know who and what Alex is:

· Gemma, a wise, enchanting, and ass-kicking enchantress with a deep connection to Alex’s destiny, knows a LOT about Alex and his life.

· Her brother, Tyler, a covert guardian masquerading as Alex’s neighbor, now succumbing to the hedonistic temptations of LA’s dark side, has watched him all his life, but as of late seems to be succumbing to the hedonistic temptations of LA’s dark side.

· Victor, a shadowy prince to a shadowier cabal rivalry of Gemma and Tyler, whose allegiances seem to be unclear.

· And Billy, the enigmatic intern, oldest being on the planet, and observer of the unfolding chaos with an inscrutable agenda as guardian or a manipulator.

Everyone wants to “help” Alex learn to control his rapidly flourishing power for their own motives. But, ancient rivalries die hard, as to ancient politics and feuds. And they aren’t the only things after Alex’s power. As Alex’s true power emerges, it’s a race against time to shield him from the sinister darkness that lurks in the shadows

Submerge yourself in “Decendence,” a gripping tale of power, destiny, and the battle to forge one’s identity in a world teeming with deception and darkness.

If you are interested, I’d be happy to send you the pilot and bible.

Tim Barley

REWRITTEN DRAFT TWO – (MINUS TYPOS, TOO MUCH INFO AND GENERALLY TIGHTENED UP)

What if I told you the story of the Garden of Eden was not just the beginning of OUR story, but the chilling end of another? Enter a world of hidden forces, supernatural entities, magic and super science lurking behind the facade of modern-day L.A.

“Decendence” is the story of Alex Powers, who, like most his age, has settled into the apathy of a 30-something, uninterested stoner corporate drone. He also happens to be the most powerful being alive,he’s just unaware of it. But, there are many groups and beings from the unseen world who DO know who and what Alex is:

· Gemma, pixie-esque, a wise, enchanting, and ass-kicking enchantress with a deep connection to Alex’s destiny, who knows a LOT about Alex and his life.

· Her brother, Tyler, a covert guardian masquerading as Alex’s neighbor, now succumbing to the hedonistic temptations of LA’s dark side, has watched him all his life.

· Victor, a shadowy prince to a dark cabal rival group of Gemma and Tyler, and whose allegiances seem to be unclear.

· And Billy, the oddly-sized enigmatic intern, oldest being on the planet, and observer of the unfolding chaos with an inscrutable agenda as guardian or a manipulator.

Everyone wants to “help” Alex learn to control his rapidly flourishing power for their own motives. But, ancient rivalries die hard, as do ancient politics and feuds. And they aren’t the only things after Alex’s power. As Alex’s true power emerges, it’s a race against time to shield him from the sinister darkness that lurks in the shadows.

Submerge yourself in “Decendence,” a gripping tale of power, destiny, and the battle to forge one’s identity in a world teeming with deception and darkness.

If you are interested, I’d be happy to send you the pilot and bible.

Tim Barley

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Target Market

What I learned from doing this assignment is that there is a LOT of research going on that I didn’t even think about. It’s kind of exciting and tedious at the same time to figure out all this. I need an assistant!!! 🙂

Shows

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Battlestar Galactica

Extraordinary

The Magicians

Supernatural

Actors

Alex – Tom Felton, Scott Eastwood, Grant Austin, Austin Butler, Freddie Highmore

Allistar (needs to be similar to Feenix) – Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Eddie Redmayne, Cooper Raiff, Ben Barnes

Feenix (needs to be similar to Allistar) – Chloe Grace Moretz, Elle Fanning, Jenna Ortega, Mckenna Grace, ?

Victor – Theo James, Samuel Claflin, Richard Madden, Rizwan Ahmed, Tom Blyth

Jimmy – Ben Whishaw, Aneurin Barnard, Max Irons, Dane Dehaan, Cody Fern

Producers

Jane Espenson

Joss Whedon

Marti Noxon

Steven S DeKnight

Drew Greenberg

Sera Gamble

John McNamara

Mike Moore

Ronald Moore

Eric Kripke

Andrew Dabb

Robert Berrens

Jeremy Carver

Robert Singer

Craig Matheson

Brad Buckner

Kim Manners

Scott B Smith

Sara Desmond

Joe Barton

Jonathan Cavendish

Colm McCarthy

Simon Barry

Amy Berg

David Hayter

Sheila Wilson

Matt Venebales

Amanda Tapping

D Brent Monte

Eliot Laurence

Nikki McCauley

More may be added as I dig deeper into second level and third level and producers who have worked with my actor wish list.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Phone Pitch

What I learned from this lesson is that it is MUCH MORE GEARED TOWARD film than TV and it doesn’t really offer up a patch for those of us without much “credibility.” That being said, I did the best I could.

I chose to use the strategy of leading with a great/unique title that has a high concept:

“Hello, my name is Tim Barley and I’ve written a new pilot called “Decendence.” It’s a modern day story that answers the question, “what really happened in the Garden of Eden?”

* The budget range is $2.5 – $3.5 million per episode.

* For main roles, the main roles (Alex, Feenix, Allistar and Victor) should all be non-household names so as not to distract from the storyline. Ancillary roles, such as the leaders of each faction, CAN be bigger names and more mature actors. (Note: this also lessons talent cost)

* The script is a standard 1-hour drama single camera 50-55 pages.

* The script and idea are fresh and have not been presented yet.

* It fits your company because it is similar to well-received projects that you have done in the past.

* The end of this season sees a climatic battle and resolve to get to the bottom of everything, leading us into Season 2…

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Timothy Barley. Reason: Finishing up the lesson

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it’s easy to write this and have it ready but another to actually do it!

I [have zero credibility] have worked as a writer’s assistant for years in Hollywood, reading and editing scripts. “Decendence” is my latest 1 hour sci-fi/fantasy thriller. Set in modern day Alex Powers discovers a world of hidden forces, supernatural entities, magic and super science lurking behind the facade of modern-day L.A when he discovers he the most powerful being alive. It’s a gripping tale of power, destiny, and the battle to forge one’s identity in a world teeming with deception and darkness.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Query Letter

What I learned from this assignment is that it’s great to finally see all the building blocks put together in something tactile.

Letter:

What if I told you that the story of the Garden of Eden is not our beginning of OUR story, but the chilling climax of another?

Enter a world of hidden forces, supernatural entities, magic and super science lurking behind the facade of modern-day L.A. “Decendence” is the story of Alex Powers, the most powerful being alive. He’s just unaware of it. “Good enough” at everything he does, Alex has settled into the apathy of a 30-something uninterested stoner corporate drone. And that’s fine with him. But, there are many groups and beings from the unseen world who DO know who and what Alex is:

· Gemma, a wise, enchanting, and ass-kicking enchantress with a deep connection to Alex’s destiny, knows a LOT about Alex and his life.

· Her brother, Tyler, a covert guardian masquerading as Alex’s neighbor, now succumbing to the hedonistic temptations of LA’s dark side, has watched him all his life, but as of late seems to be succumbing to the hedonistic temptations of LA’s dark side.

· Victor, a shadowy prince to a shadowier cabal rivalry of Gemma and Tyler, whose allegiances seem to be unclear.

· And Billy, the enigmatic intern, oldest being on the planet, and observer of the unfolding chaos with an inscrutable agenda as guardian or a manipulator.

Everyone wants to “help” Alex learn to control his rapidly flourishing power for their own motives. But, ancient rivalries die hard, as to ancient politics and feuds. And they aren’t the only things after Alex’s power. As Alex’s true power emerges, it’s a race against time to shield him from the sinister darkness that lurks in the shadows

Submerge yourself in “Decendence,” a gripping tale of power, destiny, and the battle to forge one’s identity in a world teeming with deception and darkness.

If you are interested, I’d be happy to send you the pilot and bible.

Tim Barley

1644 Hermosa Ave, 9

Hermosa Beach, CA 90254

(310) 808-7923

Timothy.L.Barley@gmail.com

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it IS slow work, but rewarding when I can see it rounding into shape. By looking at the hooks from my COM and MIT, I can see my story more clearly and how to rewrite some of the pilot.

Hooks:

Title

Great roles

Unique/high concept

Ultimate

Emotional Dilemma

Reversals

Character betrayals

First draft synopsis:

Enter a world of hidden forces, supernatural entities, magic and super science behind the facade of modern-day L.A. “Decendence” is the story of Alex Powers, the most powerful being alive. He’s just unaware of it. “Good enough” at everything he does, Alex has settled into the apathy of a 30-something uninterested stoner corporate drone. And that’s fine with him.

But, there are many groups and beings from the unseen world who DO know who and what Alex is:

Gemma, a wise, enchanting, and ass-kicking enchantress with a deep connection to Alex’s destiny, knows a LOT about Alex and his life.

Her brother, Tyler, a covert guardian masquerading as Alex’s neighbor, now succumbing to the hedonistic temptations of LA’s dark side, has watched him all his life, but as of late seems to be succumbing to the hedonistic temptations of LA’s dark side.

Victor, a shadowy prince to a shadowier cabal rivalry of Gemma and Tyler, whose allegiances seem to be unclear. And Billy, the oldest being on the planet, posing as an intern, watches over all with no known purpose, or maybe he does.

All want to “help” Alex learn to control his rapidly flourishing power for their own motives. But, ancient rivalries die hard, as to ancient politics and feuds. And they aren’t the only things after Alex’s power. As Alex’s true power emerges, it’s a race against time to shield him from the sinister darkness that lurks in the shadows

Submerge yourself in “Decendence,” a gripping tale of power, destiny, and the battle to forge one’s identity in a world teeming with deception and darkness.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Timothy Barley. Reason: removed query letter hook question

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned from doing this assignment is that this was the lesson I was really looking for(ward) to. It really helped me to focus my pitch, which led to my bible and to actually rewriting a bit of the pilot.

Main hook: A slacker’s easy life is cast into chaos, navigating the unseen world of ancient rivalries when it’s revealed he has power not seen since humanity’s genesis.

Interesting possibilities:

Dilemma – Can a 30-something slacker break from his do-nothing lifestyle, accept his incalculable power, and save the world?

Main conflict – An average, boring man has to navigate ancient warring factions in order to learn about his family history and his growing powers.

What’s at Stake – An average man has to learn to use an ancient power before an ancient war engulfs the unknowing world.

Goal/Unique Opposition – An unassuming, average man has to learn to use and harness his hereditary power in order to save the world from an unseen, ancient war threatening to spill into the real world.

Elevator Pitch: “Decendence” follows an underperforming slacker turned savior as he navigates the unseen world of ancient societal power struggles, answering the question: “what really happened at the Garden of Eden?”

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I have a lot of interesting things from which to choose.

1. The most unique thing about the hero is that his blandness is an unknown cover for his actual superiority to everyone.

2. Alex is super powerful, descended from a long line of two groups of ancient mortal enemies.

3. There is a big surprise when it’s revealed who/what group is actually assassinating those with the Power.

4. It’s a major twist when it’s revealed who and what Jimmy is.

5. Feenix is totally floored when she realizes that her brother and her enemy have had or are still in a relationship.

6. Alex is betrayed when his new girlfriend is found out to be part of the radical opposition group.

7. The person watching Alex from the shadows may be his long lost father.

8. His aunt and CEO of the most advanced tech firm, may actually be his mother.

9. Each side, which want to “mentor and teach him to use his growing powers,” may actually be using him to win the war.

10. Alex’s power may come not just from what was the Garden of Eden, but may also be extraterrestrial in part.

[Timothy Barley]

TIM BARLEY’S PRODUCER/MANAGER MEETINGS

Producer:

Serious writer with an exciting, fast-paced, well-written project that fits the previous projects they have produced in the past, containing fantastic roles and would be easily shot with minimal locations and little need for special effects.

Manager:

Eager writer looking to build a great relationship with a lead-off marketable project that can be well received by studies, streamers and talent.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I want to act this out with friends, family and others to rehearse this to make it better and better.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Marketable Components

What<font face=”inherit”> I learned from this assignment is that I’m more confident in what I’ve written that I was in the </font>interim between modules.

Current logline: “Descendence” follows Alex, a descendant of 1000s of generations of ancient magic and super science practitioners, as he navigates the dangerous, hidden world of rival factions vying for the ultimate power, while he struggles to harness his growing inherited abilities and uncover the truth about his lineage.

Two possible marketable components:

Great title

Great role(s)

(possible 3rd or 4th) Wide appeal/Ultimate

Marketing Elevation

The title is solid and I can’t see any new work needing to be done. Three of the four main roles are solid, fun and creative with so many options where they could go which should draw interest from up-and-coming actors in their late 20s/early 30s.

<font face=”inherit”> </font>

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s “Decendence” –

Streaming Platforms

GENRE: Sci-fi/fantasy thriller,

TITLE: “Decedence”

CONCEPT: “Descendence” follows Alex Powers, a descendant of 1000s of generations of ancient magic and super-science practitioners, as he enters and navigates the dangerous, unseen world of rival factions vying for the ultimate power inside Alex, while he struggles to harness his growing inherited abilities and uncovering the truth about his lineage.

TARGETING:

Managers first – because it’s a great first step to help me manage next steps and would know more about who needs what

“What I learned today” was that it was hard to get back into the routine of thinking about all of this project. But, once I switched hats to a more business feel and looked at my project from the outside, I could create better marketing materials.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

I still haven’t found anyone to exchange for feedback, so I have begun to work on my pitch bible again, and have shared my pilot with writers outside this class for some feedback and have gotten some great, positive reinforcement.

If anyone is ready for feedback, I don’t know how to connect with anyone else, so please reach out.

Tim

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley ready for feedback

Genre: Sci-fi/fantasy

Title: Decendence

Same as Elizabeth, I wasn’t sure where to exchange feedback in a separate forum. I believe my contact info is in my profile, just ask to connect and we can proceed from there (although some you already have my contact info… 🙂 )

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Finished Wordsmithing!

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I could probably write and rewrite and rewrite the whole pilot. I could also write the next three episodes with scenes I cut from my finished product. Truthfully, I am a day away from it being done, but the last two days were filled with a slammed personal schedule that derailed me. So, I am almost done. Tomorrow for sure.

I eliminated a lot of areas in description where I used 5 words instead of 2, or capitalized too much.

I added a relationship that I didn’t even see until falling asleep two days ago that adds to some open loops and tension amongst the four characters in the inner circle.

I deleted some scenes that gave away too much and was a drag on mystery and in doing so, added some irony.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley has amazing description!

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I’ve been constantly doing these techniques with every rewrite, but it’s always good to get fresh eyes and look at it with a plan.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley Has Great Introductions!

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I loved this step in setting up my characters in great ways, either by using an ironic set up for my main (showcasing his “ordinariness”) or by inserting the primary antagonist directly into the action and using intrigue and action to make his a juicy part.

My original set up for Alex had him just ordinary. But, I set up two scenes for him in the opening act to showcase his “abilities” that he doesn’t know he has but has always relied on.

For Edris, I rewrote the entire scene with amazing description to make him seem vulnerable yet at the same time in command as he dispatches a squad of soldiers.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s DESCRIPTION 1!

What I learned from doing this assignment is that my description is more prose in places. But, I’ve written screenplays/TV before so it wasn’t TOO bad. However, I did find places where the description could be changed.

THE DREAM SEQUENCE:

(BEFORE)

They share a hug and Alex’s mother takes Alex’s hand. Both share a glance at the father as they walk down the hall. The father then turns and meets with the doctors before opening the door and stepping inside. The doctors turn, backs to the door and assume a more militant stance as they guard the door. Down the hall, Alex turns one last time to catch a glimpse of a blue light steadily growing in intensity from under the door, until it blinds us…

(AFTER)

Alex’s mother takes Alex by the hand. The father watches them walk down the hall, then turns and meets with the doctors before opening the door and stepping inside. The “doctors” turn, backs to the door and assume a more militant stance. Alex turns one last time and glimpses of a BLUE LIGHT steadily growing in intensity from under the door. As they exit the hospital we see COMMOTION and hear SHOUTS as a DARKNESS begins to form in the hallway…

The First Real Action Sequence

(Before)

Alex walks under a street lamp with coffees in hand. He can feel eyes on him. He looks back and sees movement on the edge of the light cast down by a street lamp two back. It skirts the edge a lamp back. Alex turns and moves briskly toward the corner. He rounds the corner into a group of four thugs. The coffee goes flying everywhere.

(AFTER)

Alex walks under a street lamp with coffees in hand, edgy. He looks back and sees MOVEMENT on the edge of the light cast down by a street lamp two poles back. Alex turns and moves briskly toward the corner. He rounds the corner into a group of FOUR THUGS. The coffee goes flying everywhere.

(BEFORE)

The thugs randomly fire off shots into the dark. From the shadows, the D-Bag Barista creeps into the light, but instead of the asshole from the coffee shop, he’s pale, almost completely hairless, his dark eyes set back and he moves fluidly.

(AFTER)

The two remaining thugs randomly FIRE OFF SHOTS into the dark. The reports echo around the buildings. From the shadows, the D-BAG BARISTA creeps into the light, but instead of the asshole from the coffee shop, he’s PALE, almost COMPLETELY HAIRLESS, his dark eyes set back and he moves fluidly.

ALLISTAR SAVES FEENIX AND ALEX

(BEFORE)

A bright, focused wave of energy from the darkness hits the second No-Thing and it dissipates. The first shrieks and turns toward a tall, cloaked figure emerging from the shadows. The figure lowers a harmless looking metal rod at the oncoming No-Thing and obliterates the horror.

The figure bends down to Feenix and helps her up.

(AFTER)

A BRILLIANT, FOCUSED WAVE OF ENERGY SHOOTS from the darkness HITTING the second No-Thing and CAUSING IT TO COLLAPSE IN ON ITSELF. The first SHRIEKS AND TURNS toward a TALL DARK, CLOAKED FIGURE emerging from the shadows. The figure lowers a harmless looking LONG METAL ROD at the oncoming No-Thing and VANQUISHES the horror.

The figure bends down to Gemma and helps her up.

BROTHER SISTER FIGHT

(BEFORE)

Allistar looks furiously at Feenix. She stares back, equally furious. Allistar comes at her, throwing a punch. Feenix dodges easily, countering with a spinning kick, taking Allistar’s legs out from under him. There’s almost no noise. Somehow their sounds feel muted. Allistar hops up, attempting a kick-punch combo, which Feenix again, easily blocks, this time driving her foot directly into his chest and knocking him into the wall that Alex is listening into.

(AFTER)

Tyler SEETHES at Gemma. She stares back, equally furious. Tyler MOVES QUICKLY, THROWING A PUNCH. Gemma DODGES EASILY, COUNTERING WITH A QUICK SWEEPING KICK, taking Tyler’s legs out from under him. The fight is EERILY MUTED. Tyler HOPS UP, attempting a KICK-PUNCH COMBO, which Gemma again, EASILY BLOCKS, this time DRIVING HER FOOT DIRECTLY INTO HIS CHEST and KNOCKING HIM INTO THE WALL nearest Alex.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley Has Great Dialogue!

What I learned form doing this assignment is that I have BETTER dialogue. My inner critic has crept into the foreground and is railing against my passes at dialogue. But, it’s so much better, concise and purposeful than it was in the beginning, even after the last lesson.

Pulling two scenes but with more than five examples:

EXAMPLE #1. FIRST MEETING OF ALEX AND FEENIX (BEFORE)

FEENIX

Hi.

ALEX

Hi. New here?

FEENIX

Is it that obvious?

ALEX

I’m just good at recognizing new faces.

FEENIX

That’s a nice talent.

ALEX

(shrugging)

Comes in handy.

He holds out his hand.

ALEX

Alex.

FEENIX

Fee.

ALEX

Nice to meet you.

FEENIX

You, too.

At his floor, Alex gets out and walks off. He turns to her.

ALEX

Nice meeting you, Fee. Here’s to running into each other again.

FEENIX

Count on it.

The door starts to shut.

FEENIX

I mean, nice to meet you t–

FIRST MEETING OF ALEX AND FEENIX (AFTER)

FEENIX

Hi.

ALEX

Hi.

There is a long awkward silence.

ALEX

New here?

FEENIX

Is it that obvious?

ALEX

I’m good with faces. I’d remember yours.

Longer silence. Alex dies inside.

FEENIX

Well, it’s nice to have a talent.

Se holds out her hand.

FEENIX

Fee.

ALEX

Alex.

FEENIX

Nice to meet you.

ALEX

You, too.

The elevator dings, Alex thankfully gets off.

FEENIX

Nice meeting you, Alex. Here’s hoping we run into each other again.

ALEX

It’s a pretty big building. We might not-

The elevator door shuts in his face.

ALEX

(smacking himself in the head) Idiot.

I USED SUBTEXT AND LACK OF DIALOGUE TO SHOWCASE THE MEETING WHERE ONE OF THEM KNOWS MORE ABOUT THE OTHER.

EXAMPLE #2 MEETING WITH ALEX AND HIS BOSS (BEFORE)

They smile at each other. Todd points to the chair in front of his desk.

TODD

Sit. What are you working on now?

ALEX

Still working on the climate migration disruption piece for next week. It’s coming into shape.

TODD

I might need you to help out on something else if you’ve got the time.

ALEX

You know I never have the time. But, I’m always glad to help the team out.

TODD

Good. Billy’s got some-

ALEX

Nope.

TODD

What?

ALEX

Nope. It means “no.” Nein. Nyet. Non. I can tell you in almost any language.

TODD

Chinese.

ALEX

Bu.

TODD

Swahili

ALEX

Bahana.

TODD

Egpytian.

ALEX

La’Shukran.

TODD

Sumerian.

ALEX

Nu.

TODD

Christ. I don’t know you do that.

ALEX

Neither do I. But, here’s one more way I’m telling you.

He spells out “non” in ASL.

TODD

So, it’s a “no,” then?

ALEX

I know what you’re going to ask. You’re going to ask me to help Billy on another one of his crazy conspiracy stories that he wants to present and I’m going to get behind in my work.

MEETING WITH ALEX AND HIS BOSS (AFTER)

They smile at each other. Todd points to the chair in front of his desk.

TODD

Sit. What are you working on now?

ALEX

Still working on the climate migration disruption piece for next week. It’s coming into shape.

TODD

Table it. I need you to help out on something else.

ALEX

You know I don’t have the time.

Alex starts to get up.

TODD

Sit.

ALEX

But, I’m always glad to help the team out.

TODD

Good. Billy’s got some-

ALEX

Nope.

TODD

What?

ALEX

Nope. It means “no.” Nein. Nyet. Non. I can tell you in any language you want.

TODD

Chinese.

ALEX

Bù, woǒ bù huì zhèyàng zuò

TODD

Indian.

ALEX

Nahin main yah nahin karoonga [NO I WILL NOT DO IT]

TODD

Swahili

ALEX

si kwenda kufanya hivyo [NOT GOING TO DO IT]

TODD

Egyptian.

ALEX

abadan fi milyun sana [NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS]

TODD

Sumerian.

ALEX

Nu. [NO]

Todd thinks.

TODD

Lakota Sioux.

ALEX

[I’M DONE WITH THIS EXERCISE]

TODD

Christ. I don’t know you do that.

ALEX

Neither do I. But, here’s one more way I’m telling you.

He spells out “no” in ASL.

TODD

So, it’s a “no,” then?

ALEX

I know what you’re going to ask. You’re going to ask me to help Billy on another one of his crazy conspiracy stories that he wants to present and I’m going to get behind in my work.

FOR THIS SCENE, I USED ATTACK/COUNTERATTACK TO SHOWCASE ALEX’S LATENT POWER THAT HE DOESN’T KNOW HE HAS. HE JUST THINKS HE’S GOOD AT LANGUAGE. ALSO, THERE IS DIALOGUE THAT IS ANTICIPATORY.

EXAMPLE #3: POST BROTHER/SISTER REUNION “SPAT” (BEFORE)

Allistar pulls himself up against the wall, groaning. Feenix moves toward him, bending down to look at her brother.

FEENIX

You’ve gotten soft in your old age.

ALLISTAR

Yeah, and you’re still a little bitch after all this time.

She smiles.

FEENIX

What are you doing?

ALLISTAR

What do you mean?

FEENIX

Getting stone every day. Jobless.

ALLISTAR

Like I need a job. I haven’t needed one in 70 years.

FEENIX

How are you fitting in?

ALLISTAR

Look around.

He points to his life as a stoner.

ALLISTAR

No one thinks twice about the stoner in LA. It’s the same as it was in the 60’s. And the 30’s. And the other 60’s.

FEENIX

Nice cover.

Feenix stands up and opens Allistar’s apartment door, taking it all in. Allistar gets up.

ALLISTAR

This isn’t a social visit. So, I’m going to ask you again. Why. Are. You. Here?

FEENIX

They asked me to check in on you and Alex.

Next door, Alex listens intently to his name, but the conversation is muffled.

ALLISTAR

(sighs)

Why?

FEENIX

Because she hasn’t heard from you in a long time. None of us have. You’ve gone AWOL.

She sighs. He looks at her.

FEENIX

The council is sure that he’s the one.

ALLISTAR

“The one” what?

FEENIX

The last of the great ones.

ALLISTAR

(laughing)

Fuck off. That’s impossible. I’ve watched Alex for 30 years. He probably the most boring assignment I’ve managed. And that’s saying a lot. Remember Bartleby Jones? 15th century? Alex is a basic, ordinary guy working in a boring, ordinary shit job, living his boring, ordinary shit life.

FEENIX

He was attacked tonight.

ALLISTAR

Yeah, I was there. I saved you remember?

FEENIX

And why do you think they showed up?

ALLISTAR

I don’t know. Maybe they were drawn to you. You just happened to be close by…

FEENIX

Alex said he was attacked earlier by someone. A hairless, pale, boneless man.

ALLISTAR

He’s probably on drugs.

POST BROTHER/SISTER REUNION “SPAT” (AFTER)

Allistar pulls himself up against the wall, groaning. Feenix moves toward him, bending down to look at her brother.

FEENIX

You’re rusty.

ALLISTAR

(shrugging) There isn’t the need for all out mayhem fighting anymore.

She smiles and shakes her head.

FEENIX

What are you doing, brother?

ALLISTAR

What do you mean?

FEENIX

Getting stoned every day. Jobless.

ALLISTAR

Like I need a job. I haven’t needed one in 70 years.

FEENIX

How are you fitting in?

ALLISTAR

Look around.

He points to his life as a stoner.

ALLISTAR

No one thinks twice about the trust fund recreational drug user in LA. It’s the same as it was in the 60’s. And the 30’s. And the other 60’s.

FEENIX

One day that cover is going to blow up in your face.

Feenix stands up and opens Allistar’s apartment door, taking it all in. Allistar gets up.

ALLISTAR

You’re not here just to check on me. So, why-

FEENIX

They asked me to protect Alex.

Next door, Alex tries to hear but the conversation is muffled.

ALLISTAR

(sighs)

Why?

She sighs. He looks at her.

ALLISTAR

Feenix?

FEENIX

The council is sure that he’s one of them.

ALLISTAR

“One of them” what?

FEENIX

One of the great ones.

ALLISTAR

(laughing)

Fuck off. Color me dubious. I can’t believe that’s why you’re here. I’ve watched Alex for 30 years. He probably the most boring assignment I’ve managed. And that’s saying a lot. Remember Bartleby Jones, apothecary’s assistant? Alex is a basic, ordinary guy working in a basic, ordinary shit job, living his basic, ordinary shit life.

FEENIX

He was attacked by No-Things tonight.

ALLISTAR

Yeah, no shit. I was there. And, I saved you remember? Waiting on that thank you.

FEENIX

Allistar, why do you think they showed up here?

He waits for his thank you.

FEENIX

Fine. Thank you. Alright? Can we get back to what happened tonight?

ALLISTAR

I don’t know. Maybe they were drawn to you. You just happened to be close by…

FEENIX

Did you notice anything different about them?

ALLISTAR

No. I was busy dispelling them.

FEENIX

They showed up in a goddamned car and rammed us.

ALLISTAR

Corporeal? That’s new.

FOR THIS SCENE I LET THE CHARACTERS SPEAK THROUGH THEIR PROFILES TO CREATE BROTHER/SISTER COMPETITION, SECRETS, HOPE/FEAR, COPING MECHANISMS AND SET-UPS (WITH OPEN LOOPS) AS WELL AS ANTICIPATORY DIALOGUE.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Dialogue 7 + 8

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I was kind of doing this already when I was doing the previous assignments.

Dialogue as action:

I gave Feenix much more forceful dialogue that works better for her character.

Alex’s boss, Todd, gets much more action dialogue that showcases the back-and-forth relationship that exists between the two of them.

Subtext:

In the second conversation with Feenix and Allistar, I added in silences and changing of topics, jokes as subtext from Allistar as it was more in line with his “I don’t care about any of this” character.

It’s hard for me to keep track of the actual changes, but there are a LOT of the asterisks showing in my dialogue to the right of the page…

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Dialogue 4-6

What I learned doing this assignment is that I liked this dialogue better than the attack/counterattack. It made more sense to me. Plus, going through and revising some of the scenes of dialogue really helped out some of those scenes.

A. Set up / payoff:

Using this dialogue, I was able to rewrite the initial meeting with Alex and Feenix to set up further meetings.

B. Anticipatory dialogue:

I used this to set up the reputation for Alex as someone much smarter than he displays outwardly in a attack/counterattack with his boss and his ability to speak in any language at ease.

C. Ironic Dialogue:

Using words opposite actions, I was able to use ironic dialogue in Act 4 in the aftermath of the attack of the No-Things.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Dialogue 1 + 2

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I hate writing dialogue, and I am around people everyday. You’d think I’d learn more about speaking patterns and understand dialogue, but I don’t. However, this lesson really helped me look past the character’s speech and more into their meaning.

I rewrote three scenes: early on between Alex and his boss that serves to better use dialogue to share backstory and aspects of Alex’s character makeup. A second scene between Billy and Alex that discusses history of the Ancient Houses without talking directly about the Ancient Houses and a night scene with Allistar and Feenix, discussing Alex and the family.

I went through and chose Alex’s dialogue throughout to make his dialogue more aligned with his character profile. It helped to make the dialogue more believable and readable for the character.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Complete P/S Grid #2

What I learned from doing this assignment is to stick to the assignment and not take too much on at one time. I had to keep myself from rewriting everything as I went and concentrate on the holes and aspects of the assignment.

Alex – I rewrote some earlier scenes to showcase his wish to be just normal – job, lifestyle, etc. to provide more empathy when his fate comes knocking.

Cut some scenes that were too revealing. Instead, folded them into other scenes to create better reveals.

Removed some cliches.

Rewrote clunky dialogue.

Challenged my main character.

Broadened some 2nd circle characters.

Added better action sequences to cause more tension.

Renamed the show: Now called “Decendence”

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Completed P/S Grid #1

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I can more easily rectify issues in my script not that I had the grid which has helped me focus on the issues that were there.

TEASER – I completely removed the first teaser attempt and found a much better place for it in the first act, and rewrote an entirely new, more engaging and enticing (with lots of mystery and open loops) teaser.

STRONGER CLIFFHANGER/A, B, & C STORIES – I recreated some of the three main story lines to work toward and into each other that ends the pilot with a bigger cliffhanger AND will subsequently help the remainder of the season and series.

Working on some other problems with midpoint (my Achille’s heel) and some basic storyline that will force me to rewrite my bible a bit.

–update 11.20–

ACT 1 – I cut and pasted Act 1 into part of the original teaser and introduced my main character quicker, setting up more plot and questions quickly, thereby also setting up Act 2 and 3 for better payoffs. Act 1 is also better cover and benefits from a stronger teaser and should lead to a better midpoint shock

ACT 2 & 3 – Recreated for my mysteries and an additional open loop. The midpoint now is much stronger than it was.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Timothy Barley. Reason: adding changes to lesson as I continue
• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Cheryl,

For the next draft(s), should we track changes within the original draft? Or copy/paste into a new document and rework there as a “second draft,” subsequently creating multiple draft files? (thinking out loud as I embark upon the second draft.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley has finished Act 4 + 5!!!

What I learned from this assignment is that it’s great to have a draft, even though there is so much more I wanted to do within writing the draft. I wanted to edit, re-edit, add lines, etc. but I blazed through. I feel much better with it done and can now work to polish to 50% in the next lesson. Writing the first draft made me see the big picture even more clearly and allowed me to see things I didn’t see, adding notes to the margins as I steadily moved forward.

Taking a 24 hour break and moving on to lesson 6!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Finished Act 3

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I’m getting a handle on the writing rules even though I know my page count is going to be way short.

Rule 1: A

Rule 2: A

Rule 3: A

Rule 4: A

Rule 5: A

Rule 6: A

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Finished Act 2

What I learned from doing this assignment is that the work flows much faster when you adhere to the high speed writing rules!

1. I am somewhere in the A- range for using the rules. I continue to spell and grammar check as I go along. This might be an excuse to try to make small edits, or it may be OCD. Not sure which.

Rule 1 (empowerment): Grade A: it’s easy to empower yourself when it doesn’t HAVE to be perfect.

Rule 2 (draft writing understanding): Grade B: not always accepting that it’s JUST a draft.

Rule 3 (speed over quality): Grade A: totally have this one down!

Rule 4 (starting w/o answers): Grade A: I may not have the answers, but I have notes!

Rule 5 (keep moving): Grade A: done and done.

Rule 6 (can’t now/will later): Grade A: see rule 4

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Finished Act 1 FIRST DRAFT

What I learned from doing this assignment is that this is DEFINITELY a first draft. The high speed writing rules helped immensely and kept me from trying to edit as I went. Notes were made off to the sides, but cruising through based on my outline made writing Act 1 a breeze!

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s High Speed Writing

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it’s OKAY to write “junk.” You can’t get a polished product if you don’t start somewhere. I did learn to concentrate on finishing up something and not got back and edit as I went. The Teaser took about 40 minutes as I had to stop myself from going backward and not just keep going forward.

(Not sure whether we are to include our writing here; I don’t think the formatting would hold when copy/pasting. If you want to see it before it gets edited in lesson 6, I can share a PDF.)

[Timothy Barley]

<div>Tim Barley’s Outline with Intrigue</div>

What I learned from doing this assignment (as an extension of the previous two lessons) is that the pieces are in place, and all out of place as I have rewritten and reimagined things. I’ll need some time to adjust mysteries, open loops, etc. to complete this before writing…

TEASER

INT. HOSPITAL 25 YEARS AGO – NIGHT (INTRIGUE: SECRET)

An 8-year old Alex is with his mother and father outside a hospital room. There’s talk of his father’s father speaking about “Dark Men” and “being chased.” He wants to go with his dad into the room, but his mother holds him tightly. He breaks free and tries to open the door, but can’t. His mother pulls him away as a glow seeps under the door. He can feel the warmth of it as the light floods the whole scene…

Mystery: What’s happening behind that door?

ACT 1:

INT. OFFICE – DAY (INTRIGUE: MYSTERY)

Alex snaps out of his daydream as his boss drops more work on his desk with smug satisfaction. Billy, a hulking young go-getter and the new girl, Feenix, offer to help, but the boss yells at them to get back to their desk. Billy lingers and says that they taking out the new girl for drinks and socialize and he should come. Alex hems and haws but Billy wears him down and Alex agrees.

Mystery: Who’s the new girl in the office?

Open loop: What’s the deal with Billy who’s so big and knows so much?

Empathy/Distress: It’s so hard for Alex to commit, knowing he just wants to be “normal.”

INT. CLUB – EVENING (INTRIGUE: STRANGE BEHAVIOR)

The group is talking at a booth in a fancy bar, asking Feenix all about her. Alex, as is typical not wanting to get too into personal lives, gets up to get drinks. At the bar, a woman strikes up a conversation with him. He turns on the charm and looks like he’s going to close the deal. And then it fizzles out, he says something stupid and she walks away. Feenix is there. They smile at each other. She laughs and holds her fingers closely, mouthing “sooooo close…” Alex pays the bill, and walks back with beers.

Setup: There’s a lot more to Alex that we or he knows

Empathy/Distress: Trying to pick someone up in a bar

EXT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – LATER (INTRIGUE: DECEPTION)

Alex arrives home to find his stoner neighbor, Allistar, sitting on their landing, smoking a bong. He offers up one to Alex, who thinks about whether or not he should smoke tonight. He partakes. As the pot is hitting him, Allistar says he’s sorry that he didn’t hook up tonight even though he could’ve. Alex tries to grasp at this, looking at Allistar, who seems so far away and so ancient. “What?” “Yeah, she was cute.” Alex desperately tries to cling to alertness but is drawn down into sleep.

Open loop: What could a stoner neighbor know about the goings on of Alex?

Mystery: What did Allistar mean by his comments?

Setup: There’s much more to Allistar than “stoner neighbor”

ACT 2:

INT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – MORNING (INTRIGUE: STRANGE BEHAVIOR)

Alex wakes up confused and groggy, questions swirling inside his head. He looks at his phone and panics when he realizes he’s going to be late. He jumps into action, getting ready. Everything is in its place and he is ready in record time, surprising himself. AND, he feels so much more alive than he did minutes ago!

Set up: How did Alex rally?

EXT. ALLISTAR’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS (INTRIGUE: STRANGE BEHAVIOR)

Realizing he has time, Alex locks up his apartment and knocks on Allistar’s door. Allistar is annoyingly hungover and still stoned and not much help even at Alex’s insistence for answers. Allistar wishes him a good day. He never does that…

Open loop: Why is Alex not as hung over as Allistar?

Empathy/distress: Trying to get answers to your questions and not getting any.

INT. OFFICE – DAY (INTRIGUE: CONSPIRACY)

The entire office is in a late day all hands staff meeting. It’s boring and it shows. But, the sadistic self-please boss has more work for Alex to do. The boss is not happy when Billy and Feenix offer to help with the workload, but when Feenix assertively says that it must be important needs to get done, he feels compelled to allow it. The meeting breaks up and they agree to work in here as their “war room.” Alex says that he’ll make a coffee run.

Setup: Working late, getting coffee never equals “uneventful night”

Open loop: Why are Billy and Feenix so keep on helping Alex all the time?

INT. COFFEE HOUSE – EVENING (INTRIGUE: MYSTERY)

Alex is in the coffee house, making their oder. The d-bag coffee house nemesis barista seemingly purposely makes Alex’s order incorrectly, something he apparently always does just to fuck with Alex. Alex seethes, closes his eyes and wishes this coffee gone and the correct order in his hands without this usual bullshit. There’s a jolt, like a bad edit, and the d-bag barista confusedly hands him an empty cup, as another barista hands him his order, wishing him a good night and to be careful out there.

Mystery: What’s the deal with the barista hating on Alex?

Open loop: Will we find out what happened back there?

Empathy/distress: Feel for Alex at the whims of a barista

Payoff: Nice to see Alex get what he wanted and the barista what he deserved

Setup: Whatever just happened with Alex, it’s going to cause trouble.

EXT. DARK STREET – LATER (INTRIGUE: IMMINENT THREAT)

Alex is walking back to the office with coffees in hand. Up ahead, a shadow breaks free from another bigger shadow in Alex’s path and rises up in the shape of a black suited man. He stops dead in his tracks and watches it. It moves toward him. Alex crosses the street as another shadow man appears. They are human shaped, in black suits and hats, but no discernible features. The second one moves toward him. He drops the coffee and runs down the center of the street and corner for his building.

Empathy/distress: Who are things things about to attack him?

Setup: These things seem like they have and move with a singular purpose.

EXT. ALLEYWAY – CONTINUOUS (INTRIGUE: IMMINENT THREAT)

Alex runs into a group of three ne-er-do-wells aka muggers. He doesn’t even stop as they are about to mug him, tripping and falling against a car and onto the sidewalk. The shadows round the corner and cut through the muggers, who die screaming. Alex sits and watches as they turn toward him. He scrambles up and can hear sirens approach. Alex runs, not sure which way to go now. A hand grabs him and pulls him into a doorway. It’s his neighbor. On the building above, a dark figure is watching.

Empathy/distress: Thinks he is getting away. Runs into more trouble.

ACT 3:

EXT. STREET – NIGHT (INTRIGUE: MYSTERY)

Alex is breathing hard and confused as Allistar leads him away from the gathering flashers of police cars, trying to answer Alex’s questions while leading them home. It’s dark and even though they are trying not to be seen, they are traveling in the well-lit parts of the street. Allistar won’t answer questions, but is telling him to run. They come to an area they recognize and slow down a bit, knowing they are on the right track home.

Open loops: What’s going on? What were those things?

Empathy/distress: Feel like your in way over your head when all you wanted was a normal

day for once.

INT. BOMBED OUT BUILDING – DAY (INTRIGUE: INTRIGUING WORLD)

13 men are bound on their knees, threatened with beheading. One is being held with a knife to his throat. He pretends not to understand their language, but speaks fluently as they are about to kill him. He calmly tells them he can’t die and what is going to happen next. They all laugh. But, Edris convinces his captor to make his hood off, and then he quickly somehow kills every terrorist as a unit of private merc types burst in, taking the last man out. They are mad they didn’t get any fun, but Edris tells his mercs that the hooded bound men are equally bad and they can be taken to The Vault. He’s given a dossier by their leader. He pens it and finds a picture of Alex.

Open loops: Why is this man so dangerous? What does he have planned?

Setup: We have a potential villain out there.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT (INTRIGUE: SECRET IDENTITY)

Allistar and Alex have made their way almost home. But, a black old style car races up. Like its occupants, it doesn’t really have boundaries either. The No Things get out. Allistar readies for a fight, ready to defend Alex, but another figure drops down in front of them and blinds the No Things away. She turns around, it’s Feenix. Both Alex and Allistar are in awe. She tells them they have to get out of here now.

Payoff: Feenix, the new girl in the office, is some kind of super hero!

ACT 4:

EXT. STREET – NIGHT (INTRIGUE: MYSTERY)

They are all walking in silence. For Alex it’s confusion, not knowing how to ask questions. For Allistar and Feenix, it’s something else. Feenix asks if Alex is alright. Alex says he is. She holds his hands and tells him to control his breathing and his heart rate and stop emanating. Alex says he doesn’t know what that means and as Allistar is about to say something. Feenix tells him to shut the fuck up and gives Alex a bottle of water to drink. He drinks the whole thing before she can stop him. They walk back to the apartment building in silence.

Mystery: What is going on? Who are these two really? Why are they so familiar with

each other?

Open loops: what was in that bottle of water?

INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT (INTRIGUE: SECRET)

Alex lets himself in and Feenix says she’ll be in in a second. Allistar moves toward his apartment when Feenix lays into him. Alex can hear they talking It’s apparent they are siblings. What they are talking about doesn’t make sense to Alex. Something about watching him. About his family. There’s more, so he opens the door and tells them to answer questions or get away from him. They come in.

Empathy/distress: Alex is left out of the conversation that has to do with him.

EXT. SMALL PRIVATE AIRPORT IN LA – NIGHT INTO INT. MOVING LIMO (INTRIGUE: MYSTERY)

Edris now cleaned up and now dressed impeccably, disembarks the jet to a waiting car, the driver nodding quietly. They drive off. He leafs through the dossier. Where to start? He looks at family history. Names. Companies. Father. Mother. Ancient runes and texts and trees and things we can’t comprehend… He tells the driver they need to go to The Offices.

Open loops: What’s Edris’ mission in LA?

ACT 5:

INT. ALEX’ APARTMENT – SUNRISE (INTRIGUE: CONSPIRACY)

It’s been a long night. Alex is tired and looking at them in disbelief. He tells them none of it can be true. It’s impossible. They tell him his real name. His real father, the mother he doesn’t speak to and his inheritance. What he must do. What he must become. Now he feels angry. His life yesterday was his. Boring. Even-keeled. Just the way he liked it. He tells them to get out. They leave.

Empathy/distress: Alex just found out a lot about his life that he didn’t know and doesn’t

like it at all.

Mystery: Who and what are these people and how do they know his family?

Open loops: what’s is Alex going to do with all this new knowledge?

EXT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS (INTRIGUE: HIDDEN AGENDA)

Feenix and Allistar talk about what’s going on. Allistar is pissed and asks why she is here. She tells them that she’s here because the family asked her to take the lead. Older sister has to tell her baby brother that he has fucked up. They start fighting, small at first like brother and sister, but it gets intense as they knock down Allistar’s door. Outside, they hear Alex coming out of his apartment, ready for work. “It’s a work day.” Allistar asks what they fuck. Feenix says it’s a concoction, thinking it would work last night. But, it took longer than expected and it won’t last forever…

Open loops: how long will it be before Alex regains his memory of last night?

Irony: Alex just learned everything but now has forgotten it thanks to Feenix.

INT. OFFICE – DAY (INTRIGUE: DECEPTION)

Alex walks into the office as makes a beeline for his desk just as he reaches it. He asks Alex what happened to him last night and about the muggers getting killed and the investigation. Alex tells Billy that he ran into some friends and lost track of time. Billy tells him that he was left all night to work on everything but he didn’t mind. He leaves some files about some historical items that “are wrong.” Alex questions how he knows. He says he just does.

Mystery: Who is Billy?

Open Loops: Since he dropped his coffees around the corner, will he be connected to the

killings of the muggers?

Setup: there’s an investigation brewing

Empathy/distress: having to lie to coworkers

INT. OFFICE – EVENING (INTRIGUE: WOUND)

Alex packs up his stuff to leave for the night. Feenix is looking on and Alex smiles at her, ways goodnight. He smiles back and she tells him to be careful. She is worried about how long the drug will work.

Irony: Feenix told him everything, but he doesn’t remember thanks to her.

INT. ALEX’ APARTMENT – EVENING (INTRIGUE: HIDDEN AGENDA)

Alex enters his dark apartment feeling something is wrong. He turns on the light to find a charismatic Edris sitting in his favorite chair. Edris tells him that it’s good to see him; he is there to set the record straight. Alex says he has no idea what he is talking about. Edris says, “Oh, my dear Feenix, what. Did. You. Do?”

Open loops: what’s the relationship between Edris and Alex.

Empathy/distress: There’s a strange, charismatic man in the house

Setup: There’s so much mystery now

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Scene Requirements

What I learned from doing this assignment is that, along with lesson 10, this was a great way to break down or break into pieces the expansion of each scene.

BEAT SHEET: PASS #1

TEASER

INT. HOSPITAL 25 YEARS AGO – NIGHT

Alex’s father and mother drag him to a hospital room. Alex’s dad leaves him with his mom and closes the door behind him. A bright light glows under the door.

Start: Alex enters the area outside a hospital room.

Challenging Situation: Confusing with all the adults talking over him.

Conflict: Alex wants to be in that room, but only his father goes.

Action: His mother pulls him away as his father enters the room that glows.

Finish: Alex stands away but can feel the glow on his face.

ACT 1:

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Alex snaps to attention as his boss is speaking to him to carry more of the load. Billy comes by and says they’re taking the new girl, Feenix out and to come along.

Start: Alex is daydreaming about his past in the office.

Challenging Situation: Boss throws more work at him.

Conflict: More work on his desk, friends want to help, boss HATES that.

Action: Billy talks Alex into coming out with them.

Finish: Alex is convinced to go out with them.

INT. CLUB – EVENING

The group is talking at a booth. Alex gets up to get drinks. A woman strikes up a conversation with him. He looks like he’s going to close the deal. She walks away. Feenix is there. They smile at each other.

Start: A few people from the office are sitting in a booth with the new girl, grilling her.

Challenging Situation: Alex grows bored and goes to get drinks.

Conflict: At the bar, he starts talking to a girl

Action: Looks like he might charm her, but at the last moment he loses concentration.

Finish: He’s left standing at the bar, now staring at Feenix.

EXT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – LATER

Alex arrives home to find his neighbor, Allistar, sitting on their landing, smoking a bong. He offers up one to Alex, who partakes. Allistar says he’s sorry that he didn’t hook up tonight even though he could’ve as Alex passes out.

Start: Alex finds Allistar sitting outside, enjoying the evening.

Challenging Situation: Alex finds that Allistar knows too much about the night.

Conflict: Whether or not to hit the bong.

Action: Hits the bong.

Finish: Alex has passed out not finding out what Allistar meant.

ACT 2:

INT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – MORNING

Alex wakes up confused. He gets ready for work and leaves.

Start: Alex wakes up groggy with questions about last night.

Challenging Situation: Running late for work

Conflict: Getting ready quickly

Action: Races through is apartment, stuff just seems ready for him

Finish: Ready and out the door in record time.

EXT. ALLISTAR’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS

Alex knocks and Allistar opens the door. Alex asks about last night. Allistar said he didn’t know what he was talking about.

Start: Alex is ready and has enough time to stop by Allistar’s

Challenging Situation: Asking questions of a very hungover/stoned Allistar

Conflict: Not forthcoming on what he knew about last night.

Action: hard line of questioning

Finish: Alex leaves with more questions than answers.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

All hands staff meeting. More work for Alex. He’s dejected. Billy says he’ll help. Feenix volunteers. Boss not happy with this.

Start: Boring staff meeting

Challenging Situation: More work being thrown at Alex

Conflict: The load of work seems personal.

Action: Billy and Feenix volunteer to help Alex. Boss not happy, but Feenix asserts herself

Finish: Alex, Billy and Feenix have a ton of work to do tonight.

INT. COFFEE HOUSE – EVENING

Alex orders coffee. His coffee house nemesis barista makes it not the way Alex wants it. It’s been a bad day and Alex just wishes it had been made right. There’s a jolt, like a bad edit, and another barista hands him his order.

Start: Alex is getting coffee for those working.

Challenging Situation: Alex orders from the one barista that doesn’t seem to like him, getting his order wrong.

Conflict: Alex channels his anger into thinking that he should get the right order.

Action: There’s a “hiccup” and the drink explodes in the barista’s face as another barista has. his order ready and correct for him simultaneously.

Finish: Bewildered but glad, Alex walks out with his order and back toward the office.

EXT. DARK STREET – LATER

A shadow breaks free from another bigger shadow in Alex’s path. Concerned, he turns and crosses the street. Another one appears. They are human shaped figures, but no discernible features; black on shades of black. Alex runs.

Start: Alex walks toward the office

Challenging Situation: Dark street with lots of shadows

Conflict: The “No Things” attack

Action: He’s attacked and he runs, dropping the coffee.

Finish: He’s running away

EXT. ALLEYWAY – CONTINUOUS

Alex runs into a group of muggers. About to mug him when the No Things approach and dispatch the muggers, who die screaming. Sirens approach. Alex runs. A hand grabs him and pulls him aside. It’s his neighbor. On the building above someone is watching.

Start: Alex is running from the strange creatures

Challenging Situation: He runs into a group of muggers

Conflict: Alex is caught between muggers and No Things.

Action: The No Things try to go through the muggers to get to Alex

Finish: The muggers are slaughtered, sirens are approaching as Allistar grabs him and pulls him away from the scene

ACT 3:

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Allistar leads a bewildered Alex away from the gathering flashers of police cars, trying to answer Alex’s questions while leading them home.

Start: Alex is not sure what is happening as they head for home

Challenging Situation: It’s night, dark and they are sticking to lighted areas as they avoid the police.

Conflict: Allistar is not answering Alex’s questions

Action: they are running back toward home

Finish: They’re on the run, fleeing the scene toward home.

INT. BOMBED OUT BUILDING – UNKNOWN

Edris and 12 other men are bound on their knees, threatened with beheading. He pretends. not to understand their language until just before they cut his throat. He calmly tells them what is going to happen before dispatching the terrorists. Private merc types burst in, taking the other men out. He’s given a dossier. Opens it; it’s a picture of Alex.

Start: Unknown situation with Edris and 12 others who appear captured and set for death

Challenging Situation: Bound and hooded, awaiting death

Conflict: The terrorists in the room want them dead

Action: Edris talks them into taking off his hood. Then gag, then he kills them all as clandestine, private military types charge in.

Finish: Edris hands over his fellow kidnappees as he is handed a dossier with Alex’s picture in it.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Allistar and Alex have made their way almost home. A black car pulls up. Like the No Things, it doesn’t really have boundaries. The No Things get out. Allistar readies for a fight, but another figure drops down in front of them and blinds the No Things away. She turns around, it’s Feenix. Allistar is not pleased.

Start: The two are still moving, almost home

Challenging Situation: They’re so close to home when they are cornered again by the dark men

Conflict: The No Things stand between them and the safety of home.

Action: Feenix arrives and saves them by blasting the No Things with a blinding light

Finish: As Alex’s sight comes back, he sees Feenix standing in front of him.

ACT 4:

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Feenix asks if Alex is alright, much to Allistar’s complaining, then moves them to Alex’s apartment.

Start: The three are standing under a street lamp, getting their bearings

Challenging Situation: Safe but out of breath, Alex and Allistar wants answers

Conflict: Feenix won’t fill them in until they are back to Alex’s

Action: She leads them toward home, telling Alex to stop emanating. He doesn’t know what that means.

Finish: They arrive home.

INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT

Feenix and Allistar argue. It’s apparent they are siblings. What they are talking about doesn’t make sense to Alex. He says to tell him or get out.

Start: They stand on the doorstep as Alex opens the door

Challenging Situation: Lots of questions. No answers and now Feenix and Allistar are cross with each other

Conflict: Alex wants answers. The other two want to argue with each other

Action: Alex calls a timeout and gets some answers

Finish: Alex tells them goodnight and they are left on his doorstep. They acquiesce. Alex lets them in.

EXT. SMALL AIRPORT LA – NIGHT

Edris. now dressed impeccably, disembarks the jet to a waiting driver, They drive off.

Start: A private jet taxis and Edris disembarks

Challenging Situation: Where to start with Alex?

Conflict: Edris needs to find the best way to start with Alex

Action: He gets into the town car

Finish: He tells the driver to take him to “the offices.” Car pulls away.

ACT 5:

INT. ALEX’ APARTMENT – SUNRISE

Alex seems flabbergasted. He tells them it can’t be true. They tell him his real name. His real father, the mother he doesn’t speak to and his inheritance. They leave.

Start: They’ve been up all night.

Challenging Situation: Alex has a hard time believing what they said

Conflict: This can’t be real.

Action: Alex fights them on every answer they give him about his family.

Finish: he tells them to get out

EXT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS

Feenix and Allistar talk about what’s going on. Allistar is pissed. Alex comes out ready for work.

Start: Feenix and Allistar stand on the landing looking at the sunrise

Challenging Situation: Allistar is pissed he’s being monitored

Conflict: Older sister tells younger brother he fucked up

Action: They wrestle with each, not serious at first, but it gets tense as they fall into Allistar’s apartment.

Finish: They hear Alex closing and locking his door. Feenix comes out, smiles. Alex tells her it’s a work day…

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Bill stops by and asks questions about Alex’s night. Tells him of the investigation into the muggers. Billy leaves some files about some historical items that “are wrong.” Alex questions how he knows. Just does.

Start: Alex enters the office as Billy makes a beeline for him, telling him about the killings.

Challenging Situation: Billy asks what happened to him after he went out to get coffee

Conflict: How to lie credibly to Billy

Action: He tells Billy a lie and asks what he has for him

Finish: Billy shares his files on some history that isn’t right, leading Alex to ask how he knows it. “I just do.”

INT. OFFICE – EVENING

Alex leaves with Feenix looking on.

Start: Alex is packing up to leave the office

Challenging Situation: Feenix stops by his desk

Conflict: How can he talk to her with all this new knowledge running around his brain

Action: He tells her he needs time. She tells him to be careful

Finish: He leaves like he always does

INT. ALEX’ APARTMENT – EVENING

Alex enters to find Edris there wanting to “tell him the truth.”

Start: Long day. Glad to be home.

Challenging Situation: There is a strange, charismatic man in his home

Conflict: What to do about the strange man

Action: Alex arms himself, but Edris says he won’t need it

Finish: Alex sits

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>BEAT SHEET: PASS #2:

TEASER

INT. HOSPITAL 25 YEARS AGO – NIGHT

An 8-year old Alex is with his mother and father outside a hospital room. There’s talk of his father’s father speaking about “Dark Men” and “being chased.” He wants to go with his dad into the room, but his mother holds him tightly. He breaks free and tries to open the door, but can’t. His mother pulls him away as a glow seeps under the door. He can feel the warmth of it as the light floods the whole scene…

ACT 1:

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Alex snaps out of his daydream as his boss drops more work on his desk with smug satisfaction. Billy, a hulking young go-getter and the new girl, Feenix, offer to help, but the boss yells at them to get back to their desk. Billy lingers and says that they taking out the new girl for drinks and socialize and he should come. Alex hems and haws but Billy wears him down and Alex agrees.

INT. CLUB – EVENING

The group is talking at a booth in a fancy bar, asking Feenix all about her. Alex, as is typical not wanting to get too into personal lives, gets up to get drinks. At the bar, a woman strikes up a conversation with him. He turns on the charm and looks like he’s going to close the deal. And then it fizzles out, he says something stupid and she walks away. Feenix is there. They smile at each other. She laughs and holds her fingers closely, mouthing “sooooo close…” Alex pays the bill, and walks back with beers.

EXT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – LATER

Alex arrives home to find his stoner neighbor, Allistar, sitting on their landing, smoking a bong. He offers up one to Alex, who thinks about whether or not he should smoke tonight. He partakes. As the pot is hitting him, Allistar says he’s sorry that he didn’t hook up tonight even though he could’ve. Alex tries to grasp at this, looking at Allistar, who seems so far away and so ancient. “What?” “Yeah, she was cute.” Alex desperately tries to cling to alertness but is drawn down into sleep.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 2:

INT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – MORNING

Alex wakes up confused and groggy, questions swirling inside his head. He looks at his phone and panics when he realizes he’s going to be late. He jumps into action, getting ready. Everything is in its place and he is ready in record time, surprising himself. AND, he feels so much more alive than he did minutes ago!

EXT. ALLISTAR’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS

Realizing he has time, Alex locks up his apartment and knocks on Allistar’s door. Allistar is annoyingly hungover and still stoned and not much help even at Alex’s insistence for answers. Allistar wishes him a good day. He never does that…

INT. OFFICE – DAY

The entire office is in a late day all hands staff meeting. It’s boring and it shows. But, the sadistic self-please boss has more work for Alex to do. The boss is not happy when Billy and Feenix offer to help with the workload, but when Feenix assertively says that it must be important needs to get done, he feels compelled to allow it. The meeting breaks up and they agree to work in here as their “war room.” Alex says that he’ll make a coffee run.

INT. COFFEE HOUSE – EVENING

Alex is in the coffee house, making their oder. The d-bag coffee house nemesis barista seemingly purposely makes Alex’s order incorrectly, something he apparently always does just to fuck with Alex. Alex seethes, closes his eyes and wishes this coffee gone and the correct order in his hands without this usual bullshit. There’s a jolt, like a bad edit, and the d-bag barista confusedly hands him an empty cup, as another barista hands him his order, wishing him a good nigh

EXT. DARK STREET – LATER

Alex is walking back to the office with coffees in hand. Up ahead, a shadow breaks free from another bigger shadow in Alex’s path and rises up in the shape of a black suited man. He stops dead in his tracks and watches it. It moves toward him. Alex crosses the street as another shadow man appears. They are human shaped, in black suits and hats, but no discernible features. The second one moves toward him. He drops the coffee and runs down the center of the street and corner for his building.

EXT. ALLEYWAY – CONTINUOUS

Alex runs into a group of three ne-er-do-wells aka muggers. He doesn’t even stop as they are about to mug him, tripping and falling against a car and onto the sidewalk. The shadows round the corner and cut through the muggers, who die screaming. Alex sits and watches as they turn toward him. He scrambles up and can hear sirens approach. Alex runs, not sure which way to go now. A hand grabs him and pulls him into a doorway. It’s his neighbor. On the building above, a dark figure is watching.

ACT 3:

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Alex is breathing hard and confused as Allistar leads him away from the gathering flashers of police cars, trying to answer Alex’s questions while leading them home. It’s dark and even though they are trying not to be seen, they are traveling in the well-lit parts of the street. Allistar won’t answer questions, but is telling him to run. They come to an area they recognize and slow down a bit, knowing they are on the right track home.

INT. BOMBED OUT BUILDING – DAY

13 men are bound on their knees, threatened with beheading. One is being held with a knife to his throat. He pretends not to understand their language, but speaks fluently as they are about to kill him. He calmly tells them he can’t die and what is going to happen next. They all laugh. But, Edris convinces his captor to make his hood off, and then he quickly somehow kills every terrorist as a unit of private merc types burst in, taking the last man out. They are mad they didn’t get any fun, but Edris tells his mercs that the hooded bound men are equally bad and they can be taken to The Vault. He’s given a dossier by their leader. He pens it and finds a picture of Alex.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Allistar and Alex have made their way almost home. But, a black old style car races up. Like its occupants, it doesn’t really have boundaries either. The No Things get out. Allistar readies for a fight, ready to defend Alex, but another figure drops down in front of them and blinds the No Things away. She turns around, it’s Feenix. Both Alex and Allistar are in awe. She tells them they have to get out of here now.

ACT 4:

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

They are all walking in silence. For Alex it’s confusion, not knowing how to ask questions. For Allistar and Feenix, it’s something else. Feenix asks if Alex is alright. Alex says he is. She holds his hands and tells him to control his breathing and his heart rate and stop emanating. Alex says he doesn’t know what that means and as Allistar is about to say something. Feenix tells him to shut the fuck up and gives Alex a bottle of water to drink. They get back to the apartment building in silence.

INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT

Alex lets himself in and Feenix says she’ll be in in a second. Allistar moves toward his apartment when Feenix lays into him. Alex can hear they talking It’s apparent they are siblings. What they are talking about doesn’t make sense to Alex. Something about watching him. About his family. There’s more, so he opens the door and tells them to answer questions or get away from him. They come in.

EXT. SMALL PRIVATE AIRPORT IN LA – NIGHT INTO INT. MOVING LIMO

Edris now cleaned up and now dressed impeccably, disembarks the jet to a waiting car, the driver nodding quietly. They drive off. He leafs through the dossier. Where to start? He looks at family history. Names. Companies. Father. Mother. Ancient runes and texts and trees and things we can’t comprehend… He tells the driver they need to go to The Offices.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 5:

INT. ALEX’ APARTMENT – SUNRISE

It’s been a long night. Alex is tired and looking at them in disbelief. He tells them none of it can be true. It’s impossible. They tell him his real name. His real father, the mother he doesn’t speak to and his inheritance. What he must do. What he must become. Now he feels angry. His life yesterday was his. Boring. Even-keeled. Just the way he liked it. He tells them to get out. They leave.

EXT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS

Feenix and Allistar talk about what’s going on. Allistar is pissed and asks why she is here. She tells them that she’s here because the family asked her to take the lead. Older sister has to tell her baby brother that he has fucked up. They start fighting, small at first like brother and sister, but it gets intense as they knock down Allistar’s door. Outside, they hear Alex coming out of his apartment, ready for work. “It’s a work day.” Allistar asks what they fuck. Feenix says it’s a concoction, thinking it would work last night. But, it took longer than expected and it won’t last forever…

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Alex walks into the office as makes a beeline for his desk just as he reaches it. He asks Alex what happened to him last night and about the muggers getting killed and the investigation. Alex tells Billy that he ran into some friends and lost track of time. Billy tells him that he was left all night to work on everything but he didn’t mind. He leaves some files about some historical items that “are wrong.” Alex questions how he knows. He says he just does.

INT. OFFICE – EVENING

Alex packs up his stuff to leave for the night. Feenix is looking on and Alex smiles at her, ways goodnight. He smiles back and she tells him to be careful. She is worried about how long the drug will work.

INT. ALEX’ APARTMENT – EVENING

Alex enters his dark apartment feeling something is wrong. He turns on the light to find a charismatic Edris sitting in his favorite chair. Edris tells him he is there to set the record straight. Alex says he has no idea what he is talking about. Edris says, “Oh, my dear Feenix, what. Did. You. Do?”

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Beat Sheet

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it has been a long time since I wrote out a beat sheet to complete an episode of TV. It’s been a great practice and it uses a muscle I have long since let atrophy…

Show Concept: An unremarkable office drone finds out that he is the blood heir to a millennia-old power. He may not want it, but it seems everyone else does.

Inciting Incident: Alex’s first demonstration of his power defending himself draws the attention of those who want his power for their own purposes.

A Story: Alex’s power manifesting itself and his attempts to learn how to use it without killing himself, others or the whole planet.

B Story: All the politicking and conniving of the Ancient Houses on both sides to claim Alex and his power.

C Story: The love quadrangle between Alex, Jade, Feenix and Allistar.

BEAT SHEET:

TEASER

INT. HOSPITAL 25 YEARS AGO – NIGHT

Alex’s father and mother drag him to a hospital room. Alex’s dad leaves him with his mom and closes the door behind him. A bright light glows under the door.

ACT 1:

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Alex snaps to attention as his boss is speaking to him to carry more of the load. Billy comes by and says their taking the new girl, Feenix out and to come along.

INT. CLUB – EVENING

The group is talking at a booth. Alex gets up to get drinks. A woman strikes up a conversation with him. He looks like he’s going to close the deal. She walks away. Feenix is there. They smile at each other.

EXT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – LATER

Alex arrives home to find his neighbor, Allistar, sitting on their landing, smoking a bong. He offers up one to Alex, who partakes. Allistar says he’s sorry that he didn’t hook up tonight even though he could’ve as Alex passes out.

ACT 2:

INT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – MORNING

Alex wakes up confused. He gets ready for work and leaves.

EXT. ALLISTAR’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS

Alex knocks and Allistar opens the door. Alex asks about last night. Allistar said he didn’t know what he was talking about.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

All hands staff meeting. More work for Alex. He’s dejected. Billy says he’ll help. Feenix volunteers. Boss not happy with this.

INT. COFFEE HOUSE – EVENING

Alex orders. His coffee house nemesis barista makes it not the way Alex wants it. It’s been a bad day and Alex just wishes it had been made right. There’s a jolt, like a bad edit, and another barista hands him his order.

EXT. DARK STREET – LATER

A shadow breaks free from another bigger shadow in Alex’s path. Concerned, he turns and crosses the street. Another one appears. They are human shaped figures, but no discernible features; black on shades of black. Alex runs.

EXT. ALLEYWAY – CONTINUOUS

Alex runs into a group of muggers. About to mug him when the No Things approach and dispatch the muggers, who die screaming. Sirens approach. Alex runs. A hand grabs him and pulls him aside. It’s his neighbor. On the building above someone is watching.

ACT 3:

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Allistar leads a bewildered Alex away from the gathering flashers of police cars, trying to answer Alex’s questions while leading them home.

INT. BOMBED OUT BUILDING – UNKNOWN

Edris and 12 other men are bound on their knees, threatened with beheading. He pretends. not to understand their language until just before they cut his throat. He calmly tells them what is going to happen before dispatching the terrorists. Private merc types burst in, taking the other men out. He’s given a dossier. Opens it; it’s a picture of Alex.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Allistar and Alex have made their way almost home. A black car pulls up. Like the No Things, it doesn’t really have boundaries. The beings get out. Allistar readies for a fight, but another figure drops down in front of them and blinds the No Things away. She turns around, it’s Feenix. Allistar is not pleased.

ACT 4:

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Feenix asks if Alex is alright, much to Allistar’s complaining, then moves them to Alex’s apartment.

INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT

Feenix and Allistar argue. It’s apparent they are siblings. What they are talking about doesn’t make sense to Alex. He says to tell him or get out.

EXT. SMALL AIRPORT LA – NIGHT

Edris. now dressed impeccably, disembarks the jet to a waiting driver, They drive off.

ACT 5:

INT. ALEX’ APARTMENT – SUNRISE

Alex seems flabbergasted. He tells them it can’t be true. They tell him his real name. His real father, the mother he doesn’t speak to and his inheritance. They leave.

EXT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS

Feenix and Allistar talk about what’s going on. Allistar is pissed. Alex comes out ready for work.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Bill stops by and asks questions about Alex’s night. Tells him of the investigation into the muggers. Billy leaves some files about some historical items that “are wrong.” Alex questions how he knows. Just does.

INT. OFFICE – EVENING

Alex leaves with Feenix looking on.

INT. ALEX’ APARTMENT – EVENING

Alex enters to find Edris there wanting to “tell him the truth.”

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Setting up the Future

What I learned from doing this assignment is that putting the questions about the series open loops and mysteries really caused me to put finer points on the pilot to set up why this should is binge-worthy.

Event/character reveals/under-the-surface info setups: (bold+italicized included in pilot)

Alex being finally told what he is.

Learning about the “real” history of the world and how it’s come to the point now.

Figuring out how the characters are all related.

Who’s watching Alex from the shadows?

Will Alex and Edris ever meet?

How can Alex learn to control his power?

Will the “No Things” attack him again?

What is the organization of the world and how does his family’s company fit into all of it?

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Adding Empathy/Distress

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I have no empathy. I put my character through some shitty stuff and didn’t really want to rein it in, but needed to leave some stuff for a later episode or two.

Undeserved Misfortune, plot intruding on life, plans that failed, bring their wounds present:

Running from whatever it is back where he was from (mystery), Alex has the underserved misfortune of working in a lackluster career, with a shitty boss, and dreams that have so far died on the vine.

– Plans that failed: life, love, career – (WORSE) NOW BEGINNING TO TAKE THEIR TOLL EMOTIONALLY ON HIM, REJECTED BY DATES, STEAMROLLED BY HIS BOSS AND BOSS’S SYCOPHANTIC ASST.

– Undeserved misfortune: turning his back on his family, changing his name has left him to fight on his own, but only enough that he doesn’t “go underwater.” – (WORSE) BILLS PILING UP, THINKS ABOUT CALLING HIS FAMILY, BUT CHICKENS OUT AT THE LAST MOMENT.

– Bring their wounds present: the loss of his father when he was younger has left him scarred and with a gap in his memory. (WORSE) VIOLENTLY PAINFUL TO TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS FATHER; COMES TANTALIZINGLY CLOSE BUT CAUSES HIM TO ALMOST PASS OUT

– Plot intruding on life: his unsatisfying yet steady life is violently thrown out of whack when he is attacked for the first time and is just as bizarrely rescued by his seemly stoner neighbor; (WORSE) HIS ATTACKERS ARE HAUNTINGLY SCARY BUT NOT “THERE” AND THEIR TOUCH ALMOST KILLS HIM

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Open Loops and Mysteries

What I learned from doing this assignment is that there are a lot of opportunities for mystery and open loops in the pilot but settling on a few and then putting them into JUST the pilot seems very hard for me to do. Plus, I’m behind (again).

Main Mystery #1: Who or what is Alex and why is everyone interested in him?

Sub-mysteries:

– Where does Alex come from?

– What is the dark family secret that Alex has? (Does he know what it is?)

– Who were his parents?

– Why doesn’t Alex talk about them?

– Why is everyone interested in him and his family history all of a sudden?

– Who is the mysterious Edris?

-Why is there a “license” on Alex?

– Is someone following him? (If so, who?)

Main Open Loop: Will Alex find out what the hell is going on?

Sub-open loops:

– Will we find out where Alex is from?

– Will Alex learn who his neighbor really is?

– Does Feenix really like Alex?

– How is everyone related?

– Will Edris find Alex in LA?

Q4: Adding in some of these mysteries and loops has made me rewrite my outline again and again. For instance: the Mystery & Open Loop of Edris’s mission and search for Alex takes on much greater importance and becomes more of a sinister slow burn to better engage the audience’s interest level.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Stacks Intrigue

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I am not going to be happy until I get this right, and sometimes it’s getting harder and harder to do something that isn’t perfect right out of the gate…

TURNING POINTS

ACT 1:

Turning Point: He wishes he had more sugar for his coffee on the way home and he is attacked by dark malevolent forces. Allistar shows up and barely saves him. High above the street, Feenix watches, seething. Across the street, someone else (Billy) looks on.

STRANGE BEHAVIOR: Did Alex imagine that his coffee was sweeter and was it just coincidence that moments later, strange figures like the ones that his grandfather used to talk about showed up?

MYSTERY/STRANGE BEHAVIOR: How did Allistar just happen to be there? Why was Feenix on top of a building (HIDDEN AGENDA, STRANGE BEHAVIOR)? Who’s the person who we see only through POV (SECRET IDENTITY)?

ACT 2:

Turning point: Alex returns home to find his neighbor waiting, who comes in and fills him in on his family legacy. Feenix shows up and they have a fight that gets wild. Outside someone is watching.

CONSPIRACY: Audacious, wild story about who Alex is. And who Allistar is (SECRET IDENTITY), INTRIGUING WORLD, HIDDEN LAYER: Allistar/Feenix relationship

ACT 3:

Turning point: Alex finally gets Feenix and Allistar to quit fighting and between their family squabbling, they two of them tell him about his past and who he is what he needs to do.

INTRIGUING WORLD/CONSPIRACY/MYSTERY/SECRET/SECRET IDENTITY/HIDDEN AGENDA – The brother and sister lay out the history of “humans” for Alex to absorb, along with their long history and why they are keeping an eye on him.

ACT 4:

Turning point: Alex has to now figure out who wants to help him and who wants to kill him or worse. Edris shows up and lays out his side of the story.

HIDDEN AGENDA, INTRIGUING WORLD, STRANGE BEHAVIOR – The cunning, calculated Edris shows up to tell Alex his side of the history of humans and how Alex plays a role in all of it.

ACT 5:

Turning point: Alex accepts that his life is no longer something he can hide from. Feenix and Allistar tell him he has to speak to someone else. Billy types on his old computer…

DECEPTION, INTRIGUE, SECRET: Billy’s real identity is coming into focus while Alex deals with his own mystery.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Character Story Lines

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it was hard to get back onto schedule, but this helped out quite a bit and was very involved to create what will be a great pilot.

Characters’ beginning, middle and end story:

Alex:

Alex is a bored office drone confronted by his neighbor, new office mates and a stranger who all claim his is something more.

Beginning: Working in a boring office job.

Turning Point: He wishes he had more sugar for his coffee on the way home and he is attacked by dark malevolent forces. His neighbor saves him.

Midpoint: Next day, Feenix tells him what he is.

Turning Point 2: Neighbor shows up. So does new worker.

Major Conflict: After they leave, Edris shows up with more information about who he is as his power manifests itself more.

Ending: He beings to realize that he is something that he has been ignoring his whole life.

(Dilemma): TBD…

Feenix:

Feenix arrives in Alex’s office and realizes that she needs to protect him better than her brother has.

Beginning: She’s new to Alex’s office

Turning Point: Walks out with Alex one evening, following him.

Midpoint: She sees that her brother almost let Alex die.

Turning Point 2: She makes herself known to Alex and her brother, upsetting Allistar.

Major Conflict: Finding out that Edris is also in town, she begins to realize what Alex is.

Ending: She sees Alex as more than something she has to protect.

(Dilemma): TBD…

Edris:

Edris is on the other side of the world when he gets an assignment in LA; when he gets there, and sees the others, he begins to realize the gift he has been given.

Beginning: Is on another assignment in one part of the world.

Turning Point: Gets a new assignment in LA: Alex.

Midpoint: He meets all the people around Alex and comes up with a plan to get him to learn about himself. He feels honored and selfish to get Alex on his side.

Turning Point 2: He realizes that Feenix is in town. His long, long, long hurt feelings manifest in a myriad of plans to hurt her or Alex as he manipulates others.

Major Conflict: HIs old feelings for Feenix and the pressure to bring Alex to his side…

Ending: Leave his with a cold, dark master plan.

(Dilemma): TBD…

Billy:

A big, but meek kid, Billy is the office intern. Quiet, but knowledgeable, he observes the newest people around and tries to get close to Alex.

Beginning: Billy is just an intern with a lot of knowledge at his command.

Turning Point: He becomes aware of the newcomers in town.

Midpoint: He observes and notes everything about Alex. And now Feenix.

Turning Point 2: He observes the attack on Alex and the arrival of Edris into town.

Major Conflict: His notes are found by someone and he has to dispose of them before they tell.

Ending: He types in a report on a computer that looks like it has been around forever and has evolved and mutated for about 100,000 years.

(Dilemma): Who is he?

PILOT EPISODE OUTLINE (1ST VERSION)

ACT 1:

Beginning: Alex is working in his boring office job. Feenix arrives as the new hire to Alex’s office. Billy asks if he wants to get together with the others in the office.

Turning Point: He wishes he had more sugar for his coffee on the way home and he is attacked by dark malevolent forces. Allistar shows up and barely saves him. High above the street, Feenix watches, seething. Across the street, someone else (Billy) looks on.

ACT 2:

Essence: Edris gets his new assignment and travels to LA. While Feenix corners Alex in the office with information about him and his family. Billy wants to be part of the conversation with information that both find odd.

Turning point: Alex returns home to find his neighbor waiting, who comes in and fills him in on his family legacy. Feenix shows up and they have a fight that gets wild. Outside someone is watching.

ACT 3:

Essence: Edris arrives in LA and begins to make trouble.

Turning point: Alex finally gets Feenix and Allistar to quit fighting and between their family squabbling, they two of them tell him about his past and who he is what he needs to do.

ACT 4:

Essence: Alex faces the truth about his power and navigates his office in a new light.

Turning point: Alex has to now figure out who wants to help him and who wants to kill him or worse. Edris shows up and lays out his side of the story.

ACT 5:

Essence: Alex enters the world of the unseen to learn more about who he is as Edris arrives in LA and tells him his side of things.

Turning point: Alex accepts that his life is no longer something he can hide from. Feenix and Allistar tell him he has to speak to someone else. Billy types on his old computer…

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Layers and Reveals

What I learned from doing this lesson is that the layers and reveals are right there for the taking and adding into the show (pilot).

PILOT EPISODE OUTLINE (1ST VERSION) – with added layers, cover ups and reveals

ACT 1:

Beginning: Alex is working in his boring office job. Feenix arrives as the new hire to Alex’s office. Billy asks if he wants to get together with the others in the office.

Turning Point: He wishes he had more sugar for his coffee on the way home and he is attacked by dark malevolent forces. Allistar shows up and barely saves him. High above the street, Feenix watches, seething. Across the street, someone else (Billy) looks on.

ACT 2:

Essence: Edris gets his new assignment and travels to LA. While Feenix corners Alex in the office with information about him and his family. Billy wants to be part of the conversation with information that both find odd.

Turning point: Alex returns home to find his neighbor waiting, who comes in and fills him in on his family legacy. Feenix shows up and they have a fight that gets wild. Outside someone is watching.

REVEALS:

– Feenix and Allistar are sister and brother!

ACT 3:

Essence: Edris arrives in LA and begins to make trouble.

Turning point: Alex finally gets Feenix and Allistar to quit fighting and between their family squabbling, they two of them tell him about his past and who he is what he needs to do.

REVEALS:

– Alex’s life, good fortune and abilities are the result of eons of breeding

– Reveal what humanity really is

COVER UP:

– WHY Alex’s life is the way it is, when it wasn’t on the Houses’ radar.

ACT 4:

Essence: Alex faces the truth about his power and navigates his office in a new light.

Turning point: Alex has to now figure out who wants to help him and who wants to kill him or worse. Edris shows up and lays out his side of the story.

REVEAL:

– Alex is being lied to by the brother and sister

ACT 5:

Essence: Alex enters the world of the unseen to learn more about who he is as Edris arrives in LA and tells him his side of things.

Turning point: Alex accepts that his life is no longer something he can hide from. Feenix and Allistar tell him he has to speak to someone else. Billy types on his old computer…

LAYERS:

– There is more to Billy than meets the eye about who/what he is and where he gets all his information

–

REVEALS:

– Allistar and Feenix tell Alex there are more of them out there

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Pilot Structure

What I learned from doing this assignment is that this was very helpful to highlight each act without having to get too deep into writing it all out.

TEASER:

Essence: A young Alex stands in a hallway with his father in a large, dark home. His father tells him that he must go into the room and he has to wait there. The door shuts and we see a bright light from under the door…

Turning point: As we transition now to a bored adult Alex at his desk reading about historical conspiracy theories.

ACT 1:

Essence: Alex is just going through life’s motions. He is good at things, talks to people easily, plays sports well, and could be great. But, he’s obviously just running from something and wants to “not make waves.”

Turning point: Alex’s boss wants him to do more work while they “look to hire someone.”

ACT 2:

Essence: Working late, Alex stops by a coffee shop for coffee on the way home where they get his order wrong. Wishing it were different, it suddenly is.

Turning point: While thinking he is being followed, a dark car with mysterious occupants begins following him and chases him through downtown city streets.

ACT 3:

Essence: Alex makes it home to find his neighbor Allistar there waiting for him. Feenix arrives soon after.

Turning point: Between their family squabbling, they two of them tell him about his past and who he is what he needs to do.

ACT 4:

Essence: Alex faces the truth about his power and navigates his office in a new light, as in another part of the world, Edris gets an assignment in LA.

Turning point: Alex has to now figure out who wants to help him and who wants to kill him or worse.

ACT 5:

Essence: Alex enters the world of the unseen to learn more about who he is as Edris arrives in LA and tells him his side of things.

Turning point: Alex can no longer hide from his past. Everyone wants something from him. He can do more and more things. Humans are after him. The Ancient Houses are after him. His friends may or may not have ulterior motives. And there’s something about someone close to him radioing a message to someone with some advanced technology, even for us.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Amazing Inciting Incident

What I learned from doing this assignment is I want to keep writing and rewriting my bible! But, this season actually helped me better understand that structure and ideas.

INCITING INCIDENT THAT NEEDS TO BE DELIVERED POWERFULLY:

Alex finds that he has fantastic ability but needs to learn to control it before he’s killed by those who want it.

MAIN BEATS:

Intriguing Concept: Alex, a unaccomplished “average guy” is the heir to the oldest power on earth.

Act 1: Alex is just your average office drone, good at his job in research, but doesn’t “try.” Things come naturally to him – sports, charisma, theory – yet he doesn’t seem to care about anything, happy to just be.

Midpoint: Alex doesn’t get the order he was looking for from a local coffee shop. Rather than complain, he just leaves. On his way home, he wishes it was different. As he tastes it, he is chased by dark men in a dark car (The No Things).

Lock in: Alex finds out that some of his friends have been hiding secrets. Big secrets that can help him understand changes he is experiencing. What they show him will change his outlook on the world forever.

[Timothy Barley]

Subject Line: Tim Barley’s Big Picture Components

What I learned from doing this assignment is that even though I have worked in writers’ rooms, I have lost the knack for outlining, and outlining again, so that the actual writing comes much easier…

SERIES INFO:

World: The unseen world of what humanity actually is and how 100,000 years has now led to this.

Main Mystery: Alex’s family history and how it relates to old and new friends.

Impossible Goal: Learning his power and controlling it before it or someone else kills him.

Main Conflict: Learning his abilities and how to control them.

Second Mystery: Navigating the politics of ancient family houses and the duplicitous natures of each.

Season 1 Arc: From knowing nothing about his lineage and working a dead-end job to learning about the real history of Earth and the power he learns of and learns how to use.

Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: From a disconnected, un-eventful, unproductive life to accepting his “inheritance” as the heir to the original source of power in the world and “doing something with his life.”

PILOT INFO:

Pilot Conflict: After his father’s death, Alex’s power begins to manifest which draws dark creatures to him, and new friends.

Main Characters Introduced: Alex, Allistar, Feenix, Edris, Billy

Inciting Incident of Season 1: Alex must accept that he has abilities and learn how to use them.

[Timothy Barley]

Subject line: Tim Barley’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

What I learned from doing this assignment is that in my mind, I have a lot of work to do and stop kidding myself that “it’s good enough.” I want to edit and re-edit and punch up and add intrigue, “underwrite” items, elevate things and make everything better. This usually happens at 11:30 pm as I’m about to go to bed…

I have to stop seeing everything as a problem, and see how “problems” might be amazing POSSIBILITIES for set ups for intrigue/loop/mystery.

Just not enough time in the day to write, work a full-time job and sleep…

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Visually Appealing Bible

What I learned from doing this lesson is that I have found an amazing AI art creator to help create my images. It’s on Discord.com (I didn’t know what that was, but some of my friends use it for networking and event communication). It’s called Midjourney and it’s an AI bot that is open to all (free at first, but small charger after TBD).

I have created SOME images and am working concurrently with assignment #11 at the same time to create an amazing pitch bible, while also backtracking to assignment #9/#10 just a bit to reimagine some of the episodes that will heighten the tension, mystery and open loops a bit.

I have images available if others would like to see what I was able to create with first passes.

(LAST NOTE: I have been inspired by you all and have loved what I am seeing from others. I feel like a JV player sometimes and indecisive at others when I finish a lesson and get ready to post… 😀 )

– Tim

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Non-Stop Intrigue

What I learned from doing this assignment is that taking lessons 8, 9, and 10 together as a whole and combining with 11, I was able to make everything much more interesting, maybe more intriguing. Although, there is much more to do and will be going back to this lesson again and again.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Episode Titles

What I learned from doing this episode is that I had already wanted to accomplish this and was ready to throw ideas around, but this gave me a better, more closely fine-tuned strategy to accomplish the task. Also, doing this BEFORE lesson #9, gave me more incite into creating better lines overall in my bible.

EPISODES:

Episode 1: “…In the Beginning”

Conflict: “Premoves”

Journey: “Undiscovered Talents”

Dilemma: “Facing Facts”

Issue faced: “Accepting Who You Are”

Irony: “Confusion Through Knowledge”

Hero’s challenging situation: <b class=””>“ASCENDANT”√√√

Threat to hero: “Unbalancing the Stasis”

Discovery: “Finding That Inner Gem”

Metaphor:

Episode 2: “What the What?”

Conflict:

Journey: “Emptied and Replaced”

Dilemma: “An Overwealth of Discovery”

Issue faced: “Confronting ‘Reality'”

Irony: “The Things Thought to Be True”

Hero’s challenging situation:

Threat to hero: “The DISTANT SOUND OF A FUTURE EVER NEARER” √√√

Discovery: “Things That Cannot Be”

Metaphor:

Episode 3: Hey Now!

Conflict:

Journey:

Dilemma: “Throwing it all Away INTO the Wind”

Issue faced:

Irony:

Hero’s challenging situation: “Frenemies and Enemiends”

Threat to hero: “A LIGHTLY CLAD SERPENT” √√√

Discovery: “A Light Shines in the Growing Darkness”

Metaphor: “Practical Moves”

Episode 4: “Pay Attention!”

Conflict: “Schemes and Counter-Schemes”

Journey: “The Unfurling of Plans”

Dilemma: “Faultlines”

Issue faced: “Schemes of Ages Passed”

Irony:

Hero’s challenging situation: “PIECES AND PLACES” √√√

Threat to hero: “Machinations”

Discovery: “Ramifications”

Metaphor: How to Play Politics Like Chess

Episode 5: “Look What We Did!”

Conflict: “PROVING ONESELF” √√√

Journey: “Through Day and Night and Into Day Again”

Dilemma: “How to Be Taken Seriously”

Issue faced: “No Answers Given”

Irony: “I Didn’t Want This Anyway”

Hero’s challenging situation: “Expressing Oneself Clearly”

Threat to hero: “Cast Aside”

Discovery: “A Plan Exposed”

Metaphor: “The Garden Eden Wasn’t This Nasty”

Episode 6: Dammit, Edris

Conflict: “Truths and Steel: Hard and Extremely Cold”

Journey:

Dilemma: “PRISONERS OF WAR” √√√

Issue faced: “

Irony:

Hero’s challenging situation: “A Rock and a Human’s Place”

Threat to hero:

Discovery:

Metaphor:

Episode 7: “You Should Look at This”

Conflict: “Love, Triangles and Other Astrophysics”

Journey: “Exposed”

Dilemma: “DIVERSIONS” √√√

Issue faced:

Irony: “When it Rains it Pours. And Floods”

Hero’s challenging situation: “Triangle”

Threat to hero: “Jilted”

Discovery: “Love From an Unexpected Corner”

Metaphor: “Love and Other Means of Breaking Hearts”

Episode 8: “Not So Fast”

Conflict: “Between The Fighting, Truth”

Journey:

Dilemma: “Precious Stones and Rising Birds”

Issue faced: “Pick One”

Irony: “Never Had This Much Trouble Single”

Hero’s challenging situation:

Threat to hero: “Jealousy, Thy Color is Jade”

Discovery:

Metaphor: “SCYLLA AND CHARYBDIS” √√√

Episode 9: “UNCHAINED”√√√

Conflict:

Journey:

Dilemma:

Issue faced:

Irony:

Hero’s challenging situation:

Threat to hero:

Discovery:

Metaphor:

Episode 10: Oh, There’s More…

Conflict: “Endgames. Kinda. Sorta. Maybe. Well…”

Journey: “ANSWERS AND QUESTIONS” √√√

Dilemma: “Killing the Messenger”

Issue faced: “Where Does It Go From Here?”

Irony: “Trying Harder Would Have Helped”

Hero’s challenging situation:

Threat to hero:

Discovery: “Who Do You Want to Be?”

Metaphor:

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Timothy Barley. Reason: Changes to titles (again)

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Intrigue Patterns

What I learned from doing this assignment was that it was an amazing tool to get me to think about how some of my lines are written and how to make them even more exciting and read-worthy.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Investigation of Show

What I learned from this assignment is that I could go in and change everything if you gave me enough time. And while I did take much longer than I wanted to in doing this assignment, I did settle on a few changes that HAD to be made and some on which I am sitting for a bit.

1. Use in TV pitch Bible

– Changing all episode titles and season titles to more dramatic/thriller themed titles to adjust tone within the Bible

– Create and write better inciting action to launch first episode (also using in episodes)

– Created new “neutral” character of Billy, Alex’s intern, who may have a lot more answers than he is letting on about

– Addition of two new pure human characters as a way to build more “political” intrigue into the storyline

2. Use in episodes

– Change episode titles

– Adding changeover from the world we see and the world that IS more dramatically and…

– …explain it better

3. Don’t use:

– The Dark Men/No Things as an alternate antagonist for Alex and his group of heroes.

[Timothy Barley]

[currently a work in progress, but question for the group: as you did this assignment and investigated/discovered more and more about your show, did/should you go back and update the changes in previous lessons? Or did you just change in your working bible?]

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Show Summary

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I am constantly going back to add (which I know is the next lesson [investigate your show]), which I need to avoid doing as it makes me second guess myself. AND, this show summary needs to be rewritten with all that new information…

Summary format: highlights of the entire season

Alex is your typical 40 year old. Other than looking like he’s 25, he is content with being a expert researcher rather than being a writer, enjoying the status quo of his life, and not rocking the boat or aspiring for too much. “You can’t lose it if you don’t risk it,” is his motto.

But, after he’s attacked after his first accidental use of a power he didn’t know he had and saved by his strange, new coworker and his equally strange neighbor, who seem to know a lot about him and his family, he’s thrown into a world of ancient lineages, races, battling with each other for an enormous, primordial power through politicking, love, friendship and the “honor” of combat.

And, unfortunately for Alex, he seems to be the an heir to that power. As various people around him cozy up to him, try to gain his favor and gain his trust, Alex is unsure of who he even is as bits and pieces of history and his family history are pieced together, unlocking more and more of his power, until he’s forced to confront it or lose it forever, taking him out of his cozy little steady world and into something much, much larger than anything he could ever learn from a book, and with very real and substantial consequences for everyone on Earth.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Engaging Episode Descriptions:

What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s becoming real! A lot of late nights tossing ideas around, shower moments and reflecting while driving cross country have finally been collated into a series. And now, I have episodes! And I want to write, rewrite and make it perfect, but sticking to the plan…

LESSON #5: ENGAGING EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS

Episode 1: “…In the Beginning”

Daydreaming in his office as a TV researcher, Alex is reminded of the time his dementia-addled grandfather disappeared, and he and his father had to find him, discovering him states away, running from “the dark men.” The new girl in the office wakes him up from his daydream, asking him how his father was. He asks how she knew what he was thinking, but she is called away. Before he leaves, his intern, Billy, gives him notes on a possible new comet and updates on his story about how humans are not humans… On his way home that evening, he is chased by a dark car, but he can only see their silhouettes as they are chased off by someone else. When he gets home, he tells his neighbor Allistar about it.

Meanwhile, a world away, Edris is bound and gagged with some others, about to be beheaded by extremists. He convinces them to ungag him and he tells them that they can’t kill him. They laugh, but he kicks out the lights, and in the darkness and the gunfire, we see all the extremists fall one by one. When the lights come back on, he tells someone off camera, “there, you got what you needed?” “Yes, thank you. I have a message for you: you’re needed in Los Angeles. Something about the power hair…?” Edris smiles.

The next day in LA, the new girl in the office asks Alex if he’s okay with a twinkle in her eye and asks if it’s okay if she comes over later, showing him a picture of his mom and dad…

Episode 2: “What the What?”

That night, at Alex’s, Feenix tells him the REAL history of what’s known as the “human race” – that 100,000 years ago, the last great invasion took its toll on the system, leaving Earth with a virus that exploded onto the planet, plundering the very Source of power to the planet and its inhabitants. What we know as the Neanderthals, took their technology and took the fight to the stars, while the great races/Houses, did the only thing they could to the human infestation – breed it out. Though the countless generations since, four great houses comprised the majority of intelligent life on earth and the human virus.

As Feenix is relaying this story, Allistar comes in, as neighbors do, and is stunned to find Feenix there. They get into a fight. Feenix tells Allistar that he’s not been doing his job protecting Alex. He tells her he’s B-O-R-E-D!!! She says “mom is pissed off. It’s almost time.” Alex stops them from destroying his apartment, freezing them in place. After the spell is broken, a stunned Feenix magically fixes the apartment and tells him to sleep. Allistar and she share a look as they leave. As he gets drowsy, and closes the door, we see a figure down on the street looking up at the door.

Episode 3: “Hey Now!”

Alex wakes the next day to the sound of Allistar knocking on his door wanting to talk. Ignoring him, Alex heads out and skips work and heads to the beach. There he meets Jade, a beautiful, funny change to take his mind off of everything. They agree to meet later, and Alex heads home to find Allistar waiting outside his place to talk. Alex says he has a date and can’t talk.

Alex meets up with Jade for dinner, but Allistar spoils the date by addressing that he and Jade are exes, from a time long ago. Alex leaves, telling the both of them to stay away from him.

Feenix finds Edris skulking around Alex’s, and invites him for a drink where they discuss what they were told to do regarding Alex.

Episode 4: “Pay Attention!”

Seeing that Alex is spending more time with Jade, Allistar goes speaks with his mother about what her motivations could be and alert her to possible political ramifications. During a romantic encounter, Jade helps Alex discover a new ability.

Both Edris and Feenix arrive at their target, a Human scientist. Both equal in ability, their fight destroys an entire block outside Los Angeles, with Feenix leaving with the scientist, and Edris vowing revenge.

Episode 5: “Look What We Did!”

Showing off yet another new ability to Jade outside LA, the brother and sister Feenix/Allistar roll up, telling him it’s time to introduce him to the elders. With Jade tagging along, the four of them travel through shadows into someplace unknown, but when they get there it’s like a scene out of The Garden of Eden. Art showcases the downfall of humanity, replete with depictions which are similar to the bible stories we all grew up with.

The elders are unimpressed with what Alex shows them he can do. Several call into question his lineage, and one, Feenix and Allistar’s mother suggesting he is more human than Earthling, knowing who his mother is. He is furious, but as he is about to go after her, he is tossed out and winds up back in his apartment, where Edris is waiting.

Episode 6: “Dammit, Edris”

Edris is waiting for Alex when he gets back and explains his position as a Human, an old human, and how Alex might be a Human as well. Alex refuses, and Edris says in time, he will understand.

The next day at work, he notices that Billy, an intern that looks up to Alex, isn’t at work. Someone says he was out sick, but he called in and left a message on his voicemail. Alex listens to it; it’s Edris saying he has Billy and if he wants to see him, he’ll meet and to come alone. Feenix, leaning in his door, tells him he can’t go alone. Alex confesses he doesn’t know what the hell is going on anymore. Feenix tells him it’s going to be alright, calls her brother and they go to the meet point. Someone is tailing them. When they get there, it turns out NOBODY played by the rules and each side has back up. Mayhem breaks out, each side using fighting skills aquired over years and specific magic available to each of them. It’s a standstill, until Jade shows up, trying to get Billy from Edris’ backup. She’s wounded, but Alex, Feenix, Bily and Allistar are able to get away with a rapidly dying Jade…

Episode 7: “You Should Look at This”

The group finds themselves outside LA at a refuge. Although the land is dry, this mini-Eden has everything they need. Billy is infatuated with everything, even though he is also wounded. His constant questioning is interrupted when Allistar takes a call. He relays what happened, and then looks up. “Astronomy says there is a new comet out there…” Billy pipes up, “See, Alex? Told you.” Allistar says that he will get Billy back to his place and then come back. Just the three of them, Feenix makes an admission that she might be falling in love with Alex. This goes over poorly. Jade, her mother’s voice in her head, goes mad and brawls with Feenix, which carries them outside the Eden spot to the edge of a cliff, where she forces Feenix over the edge. Alex cries out looking for her. Jade pushes him, “if you like her so much, you can go after her.” She walks off.

Episode 8: “Not So Fast”

As Alex and Feenix fall from the cliff, they are buffeted by the wind which eases them onto the ground, hundreds of feet below. Jade is there, apologizing for her jealous behavior. Feenix screams that she just threw them both off a cliff. They begin shouting accusations at each other about how they were directed to behave toward Alex and what to do to bring them into their Houses. Alex grows tired of them bickering and in a bit of frustration and anger he wills himself away and finds himself standing on… the middle of the Pacific Ocean!

Episode 9: “Alex Unchained”

Panicking and willing himself back to any dry land, he realizes he is in South America. He speaks little Spanish, so he tries again. This time, Finland. Then, the desert of Saudi Arabia. More, then back home. Now, he takes stock of his power. He begins to see how he can use it to do bad things to people, like the asshole treating his do badly. Or the woman berating a server. But, causing bad things to happen to people appears to have ill effects on his body. Allistar suddenly shows up and tells him this, relaying stories about how he used his limited power and telling him that he is nothing compared to Alex. Alex asks if they have to do something about Edris. Feenix, from the shadows, says yes, they have to and do it soon, or it may be too late. “The comet isn’t random…” “Set up a meeting…”

Episode 10: “Oh, There’s More…”

In the desert outside of LA, Edris and his Human followers face off against Alex, Allistar, and Feenix. Edris tells Alex that he’s only on assignment from someone back home where he grew up. Alex tells him that he doesn’t care, he just wants to stop Edris from killing off Earthlings and must forfeit his power to Alex. An epic battle ensues, all hidden by a gigantic dust storm. In the midst of the battle, as Alex is about to take Edris’ power, Jade arrives with Billy in hand. She threatens to kill him, she’s double crossed them! But Billy plays his hand – an unseen gauntlet appears on his hand and he grabs Jade and absorbs her power, she withers shrieking. Everyone looks on in horror as he moves quicker than anything they have ever seen to do the same to Edris’s men. Edris, his power failing, disappears before it’s his turn. As the storm subsides and the dust settles, Billy introduces himself – William Draker, Homeworld Intelligence Officer and overseer of World Unification. “Now, we have a lot of work to do. And I’ll tell you on the way. Alex, can you get us a ride?” Alex conjures up a ’67 Lincoln Continental Convertible. “Perfect.” They climb in. “Where are we going,” asks Feenix. “Alex. Knows.” Alex sighing, “Home”

Season ends on the car raising dust as they head East.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Episode List (VERY) Rough Draft

What I learned from this assignment is that this is where the rubber is really beginning to hit the road and my characters are just beginning to stretch their legs and may take ME somewhere I didn’t think of at all…

Episode 1: …In the Beginning

Alex is attacked and new people enter his life, all wanting “to help”

· The Dark Men make an attempt on an unsuspecting Alex

· Feenix fends them off, pissing off Allistar

· They tell him that he is heir to the greatest power ever

· Edris gets an assignment in LA

Episode 2: What the What?

Alex learns the history of the eternal battle between Earthlings and Humans

· Allistar and Feenix share with him the real history of Earth, and what “humans” really are

· Battle for Earth, one race leaves to battle on

· Human virus gets into the source of The Power

· Fateful decision made to remove the human presence

· Review the history of genocides, wars, plagues, where the batte is now

Episode 3: Hey Now!

Jade gains Alex’s interest, much to the dismay of Allistar and Feenix

· Wanting nothing to do with any of this, Alex meets Jade

· They grow close quickly

· Allistar meets Jade and they fight – turns out they are exes

· Jade makes it clear to Allistar that she is actually interested in Alex, not for her mother, but for her

· Edris and Feenix get the same assignment but with different reasons to do the job

Episode 4: Pay Attention!

Despite Allistar’s efforts, Jade and Alex take more steps together

· Allistar looks into Jade’s motives

· Feenix and Edris both arrive at their target at the same time, an epic fight ensues

· Alex and Jade’s relationship takes a turn when Alex gains a new power

Episode 5: Look What We Did!

Allistar and Feenix introduce Alex to their mother and the council

· Alex continues to make big strides in growing his power and abilities

· Brother and sister take Alex to meeting the heads of the Houses

· The Houses are unimpressed and call into question his family lineage

·

Episode 6: Dammit, Edris

Hoping to get Alex’s attention, Edris makes a bold play

· Edris uses his target from an earlier episode (Billy from the office) as bait for Alex to come get

· Jade, Allistar and Feenix come along, but Edris also brought his friends

· They fight, and get Billy out, but at a cost

Episode 7: You Should Look at This

A call goes out to all the houses about something they should look at in the sky

· While getting medical attention at a Refuge, it’s made known that there’s something out in the cosmos heading toward the solar system.

· In recuperation, Feenix mentions that she may be liking Alex.

· Jade offhand says that he might not be around long enough to enjoy

· Jade drops Feenix off a cliff

· We see Feenix hanging off the cliff, swearing revenge

Episode 8: Not So Fast

Jade makes a move to get Alex to commit his patronage to her house

· Feenix shows up and takes a small amount of revenge

· Alex gets tired and frustrated with all the backstabbing

Episode 9: Alex Unchained

Alex finally begins to see the world as it is

· He begins to use his power for his personal use

· This brings about some nasty side effects

· Using the power for personal gain or ill effect may be “bad”

Episode 10: Oh, There’s More…

Edris and his follower confront Alex, Allistar, Feenix and Jade

· Edris tells the group that he’s only acting on orders from someone more powerful, and known to Alex back in his hometown

· The battle moves to the desert outside SoCal

· Jade makes a sacrifice that she can’t come back from

· Billy makes his presence know

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Five Seasons

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I had the five already in my head, but when forced to look at them again, I changed it up just a bit; and will probably do so again…

Season 1 – Rude Awakening

Wanting nothing more than to just live his life in quiet, Alex’s existence is thrown into turmoil when he’s become the target of unknown forces attempting to kill him and steal his power that he didn’t even know he had. Out of the woodwork, it seems that all around him already know who he is and vie for his time, often backstabbing each other, sometimes literally. Swirling around him are Dark Men, technological breakthroughs, romantic interests, family secrets, ancient bad blood and a mysterious comet mentioned on the news the other day… But, after a showdown with a nemesis, it’s time to go home and get some answers.

Season 2 – Godlike

It’s time to return home and get some answers. Alex, his power growing and with his new friends in tow, travel to his small town to learn his family’s secrets, only to find a dark secret that he cannot escape. As family secrets spill out and threaten to split up the new group, including his new relationship with Feenix, Alex’s ever growing power draws the focus of dark forces who descend on the town, causing the group to set aside differences, circle up and defend themselves from an emissary who brings dark tidings from across the world. And what is that object that entered the atmosphere?

Season 3 – Ascending the Throne

Done with being at the mercy of those who want his power, now completely under his control and almost godlike, Alex makes the decision to bring all parties together, Earthling and human. Making use of his friends, he sends them to bring them all the negotiating table. But, old rivalries are hard to overcome; and new relationships are easy to manipulate. But, they all need to come together because we finally know what that object speeding toward Earth is…

Season 4 – Coming Home to Roost

The world is thrown into chaos as the first wave of Neanderthals have come home to Earth, looking to reclaim what they left behind, including The Power. Travel weary, they are NOT in a mood to let Alex keep it, and while negotiations with world “leaders” publicly continue with tech sharing, repatriation, etc., the REAL work is being done to avoid an all out war. But, as some fights break out between Earthlings/humans and Neanderthals, it’s pretty obvious that there is no stopping this war.

Season 5 – Fallout

War! With the main ship, disguised as a comet, containing the entire Neanderthal race bearing down on Earth, Alex and the remnants of the Houses and the humans must defend the planet from a pissed off group of beings that have lost any sense of decency and forgiveness. But, a war is going to cost a lot to the planet; so who will blink first and back off from destroying the only thing that each side wants?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Character Descriptions

What I learned from this assignment is that I am finding my characters evolving constantly, and doing this specific assignment has led to a new character and new layers, mysteries and plot lines…

MAIN CHARACTERS:

ALEX: A ‘typical’ bored 20/30-something who enjoys his uneventful, upper-middle class, single life, Alex has always been good at things; creative endeavors, problem solving, brokering peace between friends, etc. Yes, Alex is content, almost apathetic. That is until one day when he is attacked by unknown entities in the form of men in hats and suits, which propels him into a world of ancient warfare, millennia family trees, genetics, super cutting-edge science, political intrigue, assassinations, new friends and new enemies and a long lost comet… It’s a lot for someone who just wants to do his job, find a date, and enjoy his life.

ALLISTAR: Snarking, OLD, outgoing and amazingly good-looking, Allistar uses the more common name Tristan Collins when among those who don’t know of the world-behind-the-world. Allistar has been friends with Alex ever since Alex moved to LA, keeping him safe from those who would harm Alex by any means necessary. Because Allistar has lived so long, he has built up a snarky exterior. But, below the surface, he has an agenda – his, or someone else’s we don’t know – that he is serving, until the day that Jade shows up.

FEENIX: Serious, gorgeous and deadly, Feenix is a new co-worker of Alex’s, sister of Allistar, and romantically attracted to Alex, after arriving in LA tracking Idris who has also arrived in LA. Unlike her brother, she has enjoyed her time alive, and is now working at mother’s behest to help bring Alex into the fold because her brother has been failing, causing a rift between the two. Feenix is considered the preeminent hunter of those carrying the human gene, but hides this seriousness to complete her mission(s) with a public mask of a party girl, which has led some men to regret making moves on her.

JADE: A new romantic interest of Alex’s, she is known to Allistar and Feenix as someone else – a member of a rival house that must be dealt with before luring Alex with her sexuality. Making this harder is the fact that Jade is actually one of the few outside Alex’s lineage who has fully embraced her power, learned to cultivate it and make the world bend to her will in a limited way. But, does she just really want to share her know-how with Alex, is she into him or is she related to him? And does she know herself?

IDRIS: Intense and focused on bringing the human race to its full potential thwarted by the great houses a 100,000 years ago, Idris is the most complete alternate to Alex, and the leader of all things ‘human.’ Idris’ fascination with Alex only confuses his hatred for all things House related, as he likes him immediately. But, will generations upon generations of hatred will out against the possibility of a peace?

Connected Circle:

Alex’s boss – might be human, might be other, certainly knows more about Alex than he should for a boss

Allistar’ & Feenix’s mother – longtime leader of the Antique Societa, and grand schemer, she seems to know something that is “coming” but is not letting on just yet

House Leaders of Antique Societa – smaller schemers, but schemers nonetheless

House Leaders of Virus Humanum – vindictive and always looking for payback and bringing about their full potential upon the Earth.

The Dark Men – ????? unknown, also known as No Things, they appear at great concentrations of The Power and might be anti-Power in nature

Environmental Circle:

Friends group of neighbors/coworkers/partyers

Various other species’ members – members of each house, working as ‘normals’ in all manner of society

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Intriguing Concept and World

What I learned from this assignment is that it’s getting harder and harder to keep track of everything, but this assignment makes it easier to collate everything to be ready for the next module.

1. Concept of “The Last of the Great Ones”

A. An apathetic, bored blood heir to the world’s oldest power…

B. ...has to face pure humans, “No Things,” new friends, new enemies, ancient family Houses and family…

C. …to learn what he actually is and how he fits into the…

D. …world of ancient and hidden power dynamics, politics, race, dynasties, and mankind’s very evolution.

2. The World [behind the world] of “The Last of the Great Ones”

Unique Sub-World: the world that every conspiracy alludes to, but even deeper, hidden meeting places, clubs, labs, wars

Previously Unexplored: what does it mean to be human? Why are there so many different types of “people?”

The Unknown: Who’s really running the world? What are they preparing for? Power dynamics of the Houses.

The Unseen: the “real” history of the world. What is/are the force(s) aligning up against our main character and his “friends?”

Unheard of Dangers: those posing as “people,” The “No Things.”

Reason to explore it: May actually cause us to think about the real history of this planet and what’s lurking around us and waiting for us in the dark?

[Timothy Barley]

What I learned from doing this process is that I’ve never had a better, easier or more logical way for me to build a series.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Creating Irony

What I learned from doing this exercise is that I need to go back and now recreate a lot of what I have done now that I have found more irony in my characters and plot.

Assignment #1: Irony in “The Walking Dead”

– Rick is a sworn sheriff’s deputy, but must bend the rules when it comes to saving his family and staying alive.

– The survivors must work together but often find themselves just as awful as they were in the before world.

– The very things that they need to survive (guns) often draw more walkers to them.

– Shane just wants Lori to accept him, but he’s going dark.

Assignment #2: Possible Irony for “The Last Of the Great Ones”

Character Irony:

– Alex is the quintessential “middle of the road, no chances” guy. To be more, he must get out of that safe lane.

– Alex wants to not to be boring and for something to happen in his life, but he keeps missing the signs to take a chance.

– Allistar’s lifelong lie may be too much for him to tell the truth finally to Alex.

– Alex could use his power to make a better life for himself, but that would be too much effort.

– Feenix or Jade could be the exact relationship that Alex has been looking for, but he doesn’t want it forced on him.

Situational Irony:

– Alex wants love, but doesn’t see the love right in front of him from his friends and romantic interests.

– The very underground world that could save the world can’t be unveiled because it would upset and destroy the world order.

– The fact that Alex has ignored his family history may be what thwarts his future.

– As each house tries to bring them to their side, it may cause Alex to turn to the humans.

– By avoiding using his new power, Alex learns that he might be getting sicker.

– And by using and honing his new power, he puts himself and those around him in more danger from “No Things,” humans and The Dark Men.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Plot and Character Layers

What I learned from this assignment is that there is no shortage of plot and character layers if you just. Keep. Digging…

Lesson #10, Assignment #1:

Plot Layers:

The zombie apocalypse has ended the world and forced people to group together to survive.

Layer 1: Mystery – are there others still alive? Other groups? Are they friendly?

Layer 2: Secret – what did the doctor at the CDC tell Rick before they left?

Layer 3: Major betrayal – Shane+Lori+Rick

Layer 4: Hidden plan/secrets – everyone has a different plan for safety

Character Layers:

Rick/Lori/Shane/Carl – hidden secrets, betrayals, secret identities

Lesson #10, Assignment #2:

“The Last of the Great Ones”

PLOT LAYERS

Major Scheme revealed: each character is jockeying for position to bring Alex to their side and to teach him how to use his newfound power

Mystery revealed: the 100’s of generations-long “plan” on recreating the original source of power that once was

Thought the story was one thing, but it is another:

Major shift in meaning:

Hidden history: what “history” has really been going on, historical figures and not so historical figures

Hidden plan: the plans of each of Alex’s friends and the plans behind those plans of the heads of those Houses

Major betrayal: when each of the characters learn of the actual plan that the Houses have in mind.

CHARACTER LAYERS

Alex:

Secret identity – blood heir to an ancient power that will save the world from humanity

Character intrigue – relationship with girlfriends, family members and why he is just content with being “safe”

Hidden relationships and conspiracies – family drama that had mother having him hiding his family lineage, and his father who neglected using his power and never told Alex how to use; or the consequences of using it

Hidden character history – family history, relationship with his father, mother, grandfather, friends from back home

Allistar

Secret identity – great, great, great uncle to Alex (or similar, long-term relationship), watching over him and his family for generations at the behest of The House

Character intrigue – how/when can he tell Alex who he really is. What is he really up to? Hasn’t given his House an heir, upsetting to his family

Hidden relationships and conspiracies – relationship to Alex’s family, and his tenuous grip on his station in The House

Hidden character history – Allistar has existed for a long time, protecting Alex’s family, having on/off relationships with the other family’s, including with Jade (?)

Feenix

Secret identity – masterclass spy/assassin, daughter of the leader of The (group of houses)

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Character intrigue<font face=”inherit”> – is she in love with Alex? What is her real intent? Is her anarchistic act just a charade or does she want to burn IT all down?</font>

Hidden relationships and conspiracies – Who is she communicating with if not her family? Why does she have seemingly advanced tech?

Hidden character history – daughter of the leader, younger than most, may be the only non almost-immortal

Jade

Secret identity – heir to her family’s House,

Character intrigue – does she really love Alex or is she in it for something else.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies – a past relationship with Allistar long, long ago that may or may not upset Alex

Hidden character history – similar to Feenix and Allistar, she is older than she appears and has not been able to procreate, much to the chagrin of her family

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Big Picture Open Loops

What I learned doing this assignment is that the Open Loops, along with the Mystery, have caused me to dig deeper into my characters and learn more about them.

Assignment #1:

Open loops from The Walking Dead:

What caused the apocalypse?

Is there any semblance of authority out there? (what happened to that chopper in ep 1?)

Are Lori and Rick fine?

Will Shane accept Rick being back?

Can they keep surviving the herds of walkers?

Assignment #2:

Big Picture Open Loops for “The Last of the Great Ones”

Can Alex get a handle on his power?

Will he stay out of the reach of “The No Things?”

Is someone going to tell him the issues with using his power? Will he be able to survive?

Will Jade or Feenix end up with Alex?

Who are the Houses?

What is the real history of the world?

What are “The No Things?”

Can Alex actually break from his vanilla, no drama world?

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Show Mysteries

What I learned doing this assignment is that there are a lot more mysteries to unravel and that this assignment got me thinking a lot more than the others so far.

Assignment #1:

The Walking Dead Mysteries:

Shocking Mystery: the zombie apocalypse – what happened and how to survive it every day

Over time Mystery: there are other groups out there, distrusting and looking to survive also. Can they find the CDC and a cure? Who has been bitten and may be hiding it? The eternal search for safety. Personality conflicts.

Assignment #2:

Shocking event mystery: Alex’s father dies and suddenly he has a “power,” drawing all manner of people to him.

Secret 1: who is Alex really?

Investigation: in the pilot, after his father’s death, we see that he can create things, but there might be a “cost.”

Who: Alex

Where: the world behind the world

When: an eons old manipulation of evolution

Part withheld:

Why: to create one centralized person who has all the power that then can be accessed

What: what he is?

How: can he do what he does?

The Over-Time mystery: what is this new world that Alex has suddenly been thrust into?

Cover Up: the power in the world around us and humanity’s evolution

Secret: that the world is actually made up of people who have access to power to change the world

Who: Alex is part of a system of ancient Houses

What: Houses are part of an unseen organization pushing humanity to evolve before someone comes back to look for that power

Part Withheld:

When: how long this has been going on

Why: why has this been going on?

How: can Alex figure out his power and avoid those that want it for themselves

[Timothy Barley]

Assignment #1:

Will Rick and Lori reconcile?

Will Rick and Shane confront each other?

Assignment #2:

What I learned from this assignment is that getting sidelined by COVID takes a few weeks to unfog your brain and get back on track. But, I AM loving learning about my characters!

Alex Empathy/Distress Situations:

A. Undeserved misfortune – father and HIS father both died due to a form of dementia and he will too (possibly)

B. External Character conflicts – all the various Houses wanting something from him

C. Plot intruding on life – he has to learn to access and control his power before others can get it from him

D. Moral dilemmas – using the power to make things better for himself or for others at risk to himself

E. Forced decisions they’d never make – enter into this world and have to take a stand and upsetting his carefully uneventful life

Allistar Empathy/Distress Situations:

A. Undeserved misfortune – forced to not tell Alex the true story of who he is and why they are friends

B. External Character conflicts – family history with other houses, including Jade’s

C. Plot intruding on life – uncovering what his family is really up to regarding Alex and his power

D. Moral dilemmas – whether or not to continue his mission or to join Jade and Feenix to protect Alex

E. Forced decisions they’d never make – going against his family to help protect Alex

Jade Empathy/Distress Situations:

A. Undeserved misfortune – Forced to be with Alex by family

B. External Character conflicts – Family history with Allistar’s and Feenix’s Houses, distrust of both

C. Plot intruding on life – having to monitor Alex and report back to family when she’d rather just enjoy her life

D. Moral dilemmas – falling for Alex or remaining true to her House

E. Forced decisions they’d never make – going against her House

Feenix Empathy/Distress Situations:

A. Undeserved misfortune – limited by her family to serve only as a spy

B. External Character conflicts – falling in love with Alex, conflict with other Houses

C. Plot intruding on life – keeping Alex alive and helping him access his power

D. Moral dilemmas – whether or not to tell Alex how she feels

E. Forced decisions they’d never make – going against her family

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Show Relationship Map

What I learned from doing this assignment is that with this map, I can start to see my characters and their motivations a little more clearly now.

Assignment #1

Rick Grimes

Relationship with Lori

Surface: Wife

Common Ground: Their desire to keep Carl safe

Conflict: the secret that she is keeping about her relationship with Shane

History: their marriage was on the rocks before the zombie apocalypse, and although they share common ground, it’s still fraught with major difficulties

Subtext: Rick is beginning to get the idea of what happened

Relationship arc: we didn’t see the beginning, but we know it’s not going to be easy to reconcile with everything that is going on around them

Relationship with Shane

Surface: strained friendly

Common ground: stay alive and keep Rick’s family and everyone safe

Conflict: Shane’s anger about the secret is more than he can deal with

History: coworkers, friends

Subtext: competition over Lori and lies between old coworkers

Relationship arc: from coworkers/friends to enemies

Relationship with Daryl

Surface: allies against the undead

Common ground: killing zombies

Conflict: Rick killed his brother

History: none, in the same group of survivors

Subtext: competition to be the leader doing it their ways

Relationship arc: wariness turning to friends they can count on

Assignment #2:

Alex/Allistar

Surface: long time friends

Common Ground: working to help Alex stay safe

Conflict: the life-long lie of not telling Alex who he was

History: old time friends

Subtext: wariness of more lies

Relationship arc: friends who turn out to be allies and closer friends

Alex/Feenix

Surface: coworkers

Common Ground: working to find out Alex’s true power

Conflict: jealousy of Alex’s power

History: none, coworkers

Subtext: what are her true intentions?

Relationship arc: new coworkers to lovers

Alex/Jade

Surface: girlfriend/boyfriend

Common Ground: living together

Conflict: her true intentions

History: been dating for years, with Alex unaware of what she really is

Subtext: is she really in love with Alex

Relationship arc: boyfriend/girlfriend to enemies

Allistar/Feenix

Surface: uneasy allies to help Alex

Common Ground: helping Alex

Conflict: at odds on how to best help Alex

History: aware of each other’s family lineage and Houses

Subtext: how to best deduce Feenix’s intentions toward Alex

Relationship arc: uneasiness to friends

Allistar/Jade

Surface: friends through Alex

Common Ground: friends through Alex

Conflict: normal bro jealousy of girlfriends and he suspects who she really is

History: known her since she’s dated Alex

Subtext: figuring out what Jade’s game really is and what house she’s with

Relationship arc: jealous best friend to enemy

Feenix/Jade

Surface: at odds women

Common Ground: none

Conflict: Alex’s attention, romantically and regarding the power

History: none

Subtext: figuring out who each of them is allied to

Relationship arc: jealous women to even more jealous women

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

What I learned from this assignment is that scratching at these internal struggles are just the keys to inhabiting my characters and building their personal motivations and lives up to this point in the story.

Assignment #1

“The Walking Dead” Depth of Emotion/Internal Struggles

Rick Grimes:

A. Situational

Hope/Fear – Keep Lori & Carl (and others) alive/Dying either by group strife or zombies

B. Motivation

Want/Need – To be a better husband & father/find a safe place to stay

C. Masks

Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask – Fear/leader and arbiter

D. Weaknesses

Trying to be everything to everyone and keeper of the peace

E. Triggers

Threats to his family

F. Coping Mechanism

Analyze the situation and fight back

Shane:

A. Situational

Hope/Fear – Get back together with Lori/will be replaced and no longer the leader

B. Motivation

Want/Need – Lori & be seen as the alpha/recognition

C. Masks

Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask – anger/tough guy

D. Weaknesses

Ego bruises too easily

E. Triggers

Not being noticed or dismissed

F. Coping Mechanism

Fight back, manipulate, alter their state

Assignment #2:

Tim Barley’s Character Emotions

Alex:

A. Situational

Hope/Fear – living out his life in relative peace/not amounting to much (see the phrase ‘a boat is safe in the harbor. But, that’s not what it was build for…’)

B. Motivation

Want/Need – A ‘comfortable,’ happy life. Recognition for things he does

C. Masks

Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask – worthless/happy go lucky, easy going guy

D. Weaknesses

Unmotivated, irresponsible, depressed

E. Triggers

Stupid people getting things he deserves or more than they SHOULD

F. Coping Mechanism

Shuts himself down, distractions himself, denial, move on to something else

Allistar:

A. Situational

Hope/Fear – complete his mission and help Alex succeed/falling short of his mission and Alex being mad at him for his secret

B. Motivation

Want/Need -Alex to be his friend without secrets/keep the two of them alive

C. Masks

Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask – Resentment at not being able to come clean to Alex/bored trust fund kid, ennui

D. Weaknesses

Quick to intercept anyone he thinks is out to get Alex

E. Triggers

Threats to Alex, personal or at work

F. Coping Mechanism

Manipulate the situation, distract, lies (all while analyzing) and fight back if necessary

Feenix:

A. Situational

Hope/Fear – complete her mission to bring Alex to her House (for her mom)/not being able to do that

B. Motivation

Want/Need – to be closer to Alex/mother’s approval for completing her task

C. Masks

Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask – sadness/fun party girl

D. Weaknesses

Being left alone

E. Triggers

Being mistreated by guys who underestimate her

F. Coping Mechanism

Kick ass, question later

Jade:

A. Situational

Hope/Fear – complete her mission to bring Alex to her House (for her mom)/not being able to do that

B. Motivation

Want/Need – to be closer to Alex/mother’s approval for completing her task

C. Masks

Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask – bitch/bitch

D. Weaknesses

Disapproval

E. Triggers

Not getting enough attention

F. Coping Mechanism

Shut down, drinks, calls for help

[Timothy Barley]

Assignment #1 – “The Walking Dead” Character Intrigue

Rick Grimes: Moralistic Captain Ahab, leader of survivors.

Competition: with others for leadership, including his best friend, Shane.

Secret: Morgan, whom he left behind with his son.

Wound: literally, a gunshot wound, and the loss of his family, even though they are back together now.

Secret identity: moralistic, although wiling to lay down law, wants all to get along.

Lori Grimes: wife, Rick’s reason to keep everyone else safe.

Hidden agenda: keep her affair with Shane a secret.

Conspiracies: she and Shane trying to keep her affair with Shane from Rick.

Secret: her affair with Shane.

Deception: hiding her affair from Rick

Wound: thinking her husband was dead; told to her by Shane.

Shane: best friend, epitome of a boring kettle of anger.

Hidden agenda: trying to find a way back into Lori’s arms.

Competition: with Rick, for Lori.

Conspiracies: working with/against Lori to hide truth from Rick.

Secrets: his affair with Lori, growing anger and jealousy that Rick is back.

Wound: loss of Lori and Carl now that Rick is back.

Tim Barley’s Intriguing Character Layers

What I learned from doing this assignment is that, again, there is so much more to making my characters ‘click.’ There are secrets even I didn’t know they had! And there are going to be more. And some characters were probably going to switch places inside various circles as I learn more about them.

Alex Stone:

Hidden agenda: learning about his family history and his new and growing power without letting it be know.

Competition: coworkers vying for an account

Conspiracy: working with Allistar and Feenix to keep his abilities quiet and unseen from others, including The Dark Men and the dark forces

Secrets: huge family secret, and even bigger secret in his newfound powers

Deception: hiding his power from everyone, including those who say they are there to help him

Wound: father and grandfather lost to Alzheimer’s, a distant mother and sister

Secret identity: keeping his powers hidden from his girlfriend and from his coworkers and friends

Allistar:

Role: Alex’s protector, confidante and sounding board.

Hidden agenda: protecting Alex from everyone and everything but who has told him to do this is unknown.

Competition: working at odds with Alex’s girlfriend Rebecca (Jade) until her motives are clear(er), not 100% aligned with Feenix or her mother or their House.

Conspiracy: hiding the real reason that he is guarding Alex.

Secret: see above, his real reason for acting as Alex’s friend and his unknown guardian, and keeping this FROM Alex, is a secret.

Deception: hiding his true intent from everyone.

Wound:

Secret identity: not the cavalier, goof-off, trust fund kid that everyone thinks he is. Actually quite capable at everything. The guy you really hate because he’s good at everything

Rebecca/Jade:

Role: Alex’s girlfriend; either with him to help him or steal from him.

Hidden agenda: she has one, but is it for good or for evil?

Competition: highly competitive with Allistar, and after meeting Feenix, very competitive with her.

Conspiracy: who is she working with to be closer to Alex?

Secret: secretly the daughter of another House, posing as Alex’s girlfriend, but might actually be in love with him. (or not)

Wound:

Secret identity: powerful sorceress and undercover agent

Feenix:

Role: New work buddy with Alex, but actually a plant to help introduce him into the unseen world and show him how to use his powers.

Hidden agenda: is she actually helping Alex to understand his power or to take it from him by procreating with him?

Competition: competing with Allistar and Jade for Alex’s attention.

Conspiracies: conspiring with her mother to bring him into the fold.

Secrets: hiding her real life from coworkers and hiding from Alex that she wants him romantically.

Deception: convincing everyone at work that she is NOT a CIA agent and deceiving Alex that she has his best interest at heart.

Wound: unseen, but possible trauma between her and her mother.

Secret identity: secretly a House operative, capable assassin and covert operative

[Timothy Barley]

Assignment #2

What I learned from doing this assignment is that my characters are more alive and richer than I could ever have given them credit.

Tim Barley’s Engaging Main Characters

Journey: From an average, everyday man running away from his family’s past to man of god-like power… and responsibility.

Alex Stone:

Role in the show – Average man running from his responsibilities is forced into a brand new world of magic and science

Unique Purpose/expertise –

Expertise: Actually quite smart and intuitive

Purpose: To learn and accept his family’s legacy of power and to keep others from getting ahold of it

Intrigue – He is taught his power and to accept it, using it to get ahead the easy way, finding that power corrupts…

Moral Issue – Cheating his way at work, etc. with his new power, Is it okay to use this power to destroy others?

Unpredictable – Will he or won’t he accept his power and use it for “good”?

Empathetic – He’s an every man who now has to accept his responsibility and become “more” than he is when he’d rather just “be.”

Allistar:

Role in the show – Friend of Alex since childhood, sounding board and protector of Alex and his secret

Unique Purpose/expertise –

Expertise – Combat skills, brilliant tactician

Purpose – Keep Alex safe from all threats

Intrigue – Mission to keep Alex safe without making himself know

Moral Issue – Keeping a life long secret from Alex

Unpredictable – Fighting Alex’s girlfriend. Taking out others that would expose him – doctors’ results, etc.

Empathetic – Feel for him having to keep this secret from Alex for such a long time, knowing that it’s killing him.

Jade:

Role in the show – Alex’s girlfriend and secretly a member of a fmily enemy of his family

Unique Purpose/expertise –

Expertise: Assassination, spy craft

Purpose: Spy on Alex, and try to lure him into giving up his power

Intrigue – Hiding her family’s identity and her powers from Alex

Moral Issue – Is she capable of double crossing someone she might actually love?

Unpredictable – Frustrated for having to be with Alex for so long without being able to make a move

Empathetic – Feel for her in a relationship that she was forced into, but might be liking it

Feenix:

Role in the show – New friend at work, introduction into the new world and help him learn his powers

Unique Purpose/expertise –

Expertise: Mind powers, profound empathy

Purpose: Trying to get Alex to accept his family legacy and powers

Intrigue – Is her real goal to help Alex with his powers or to procreate with him to create an offspring?

Moral Issue – He zest for offspring to prove to her mother what she can do may push Alex away to the enemy.

Unpredictable – (I hate saying it) hormonal, wish to be a mother but not lose her edge

Empathetic – A lost soul beholden to her mother’s wishes that we can understand

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Assignment #1: Rick Grimes, The Walking Dead

A: Role in the show

Georgia sheriff’s deputy who awakens from a coma to find that zombies have taken over the world and has to lead survivors to safety

B: Unique Purpose/Expertise

Expertise: position of authority, proficient with weapons, level-headed

Purpose: to lead a group of survivors in a strange new world

C: Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

Leading group of strangers, reconnecting with his wife and son, not entirely ready for the violence that is needed to survive

D: Moral issue: moral boundaries crossed

Is it okay to kill, even though they are undead? “Laying down the law” within the group of strangers, and leave to die.

E: Unpredictable: what will they do next?

How much leadership will he embrace and take over? How hard does he have to be to maintain order in this new world?

F: Empathetic: why do we care?

He is finally reunited with his family and will stop at nothing to keep them safe.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

What I learned doing this assignment is that I really had NO idea how big my cast was going/need to be and that it’s okay to let it evolve and grow as needed and to not put limitations on it.

Assignment #1: Tim Barley’s 3 Character Circles for “The Walking Dead”

A. Main Characters Circle: Rick, Shane, Lori, Carl

B. Connected Circle: Dale, Glen, Andrea, Merle, T-dog, Amy, Morales, Jim, Jacqui

C. Environment Circle: Walkers, gang members, refugee workers, survivors, soldiers

Assignment #2:

(Tim Barley’s) Three Circles of Characters

A. Main Character Circle:

Alex Stone (Aex D’Henom [Daybringer]): inheritor of a long dormant but substantial, god-like power, currently “spinning his wheels and getting by.”

Tristan Collins (Allistar): Alex’s best friend, seemingly a bored trust fund kid, but actually a protector of Alex

Rebecca Hardin (Jade Faddington): Alex’s girlfriend of a few years. Kind of a bitch, but protective of Alex and at odds at times with Tristan. Possibly a foe of both.

Phoenix Dale: New female friend of Alex’s at work, and his introduction to the new unseen world within the seen world.

B. Connected Circle:

Alex’s boss

Phoenix’s mother

Leaders of Antique Societa

Leaders of Virus Humanum

The Dark Men

C. Environmental Circle:

Coworkers

Friends

Various other species’ members

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Timothy Barley. Reason: Needed to substitute for some family members' standings while in my writing retreat vacation

[Timothy Barley]

What I learned from this assignment is that EVERY CHARACTER, no matter how small, has a story that serves to add to the story of our protagonists (and possibly antagonists) and adds to open loops.

The Walking Dead – Pilot

Open on a policeman, Rick, arriving in his beat up squad car to an area of some type of disaster. He gets out, looking for gas among abandoned cars, garbage and personal items. He spies a little girl, calling out to her. She turns. She’s a zombie! He shoots her in the head. Other zombies rouse to life and surround him…

Opening credits

Flashback: Rick and his partner, Shane, sitting in their car, talking personal matters. They get a call to assist with a chase. They disable the car, but a gun battle ensues. The police kill the suspects but miss one who shoots Rick. He blacks out…

In and out of consciousness, Shane visits in the hospital…

Rick wakes up in present to a stopped clock, dead flowers and no one answering his call outs. He pulls himself out of bed, into an abandoned hospital, blood on the walls, debris everywhere. He tries ways to get out, but they are blocked by corpses. Finally, able to get out, he finds even more bodies and more signs of something having happened.

He walks through town, more destructions, desertion. He tries cars. Nothing works. He finds a bike with a corpse next to it. The zombie comes to life, scaring him, but he gets the bike and makes it home. No one is there. He sees a man on the street and waves to him. An unseen figure hits him on the back of the head with a shovel! Out cold…

Rick comes to as Morgan, the father, shoots the shambling man on the street, and stops his son, Duane, from killing Rick. Morgan pulls his gun on Rick demanding to know about Rick’s bandage, but Rick passes out.

He wakes up later in restraints to being interrogated by Morgan about his gunshot and passes out again.

When he wakes up, Morgan releases the restraints, and explains to him what happened. Duane spies a woman zombie on the street who comes up to the house, Morgan explain it’s his wife.

Next day, they go to Rick’s house and Rick kills his first walker on the way. Rick believes his family is still alive, and learns of the Atlanta refugee camp at the CDC (possible cure?). The three of them go to the police station, gather arms and ammunition and shower. After Morgan says he’ll stay, Rick gives him a radio he’ll check it every day, waiting for him to join him.

Rick takes off in his squad car, using the radio to find other survivors. A girl hears him but can connect as it breaks up. He gets to the area we saw in the opening scene.

We see Shane, who is trying to find the “unknown caller,” with a boy and woman.

Rick escapes the horde, sending out more message, but his car dies. He walks, finding a farm and a horse which he rides into a deserted and destroyed Atlanta. Then he hears a helicopter, and races after it…

He races into town… right into a horde of zombies! He turns, but another street is blocked by advancing zombies. His horse bucks him off and he spies a tank and rolls under it. The horde is cling in and he’s about to do himself in, but spies a hatch. He climbs in, safe! but there’s a zombie inside. He shoots it, but it’s deafening. And there are zombies now climbing on top of the tank toward the open hatch. He sees his guns on the ground. No use. He closes the hatch. Now he’s safe. For now

Big Picture Hooks

Zombies. A man trying to find his way in a new (dystopian) world to find his family.

Amazing and Intriguing Character

Rick’s level headed. A leader and a good man. Driven to find his family.

Empathy / Distress

Rick is in a new world order of the undead. He could be killed at any moment and there isn’t anyone else around help him. We feel for him as a man who just wants to find his family, and possibly help others (cop).

Layers / Open Loops

What happened to the world? Will it end? What happened to his family? Are there survivors? And if so, where are they?

Inviting Obsession

What does the world look like and what caused it? How bad is it? Will he find his family and will he get them somewhere safe and how do they do that?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

1. My name is Tim(othy) Barley

2. I’ve written five full-length screenplays, cowritten one more, have co-written one one-hour sci-fi drama TV series and have a head swimming with so many more…

3. …that although I’ve worked in TV production on a writing staff, I’d like to use the format to formulate the ideas in #2 into sellable series.

4. I’ve been on “Jeopardy!,” “America’s Most Wanted,” still maintain an 8-handicap on the golf course, and play beach volleyball, living a block off the beach in Hermosa Beach, CA, all while writing away.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

Tim Barley

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Diane!

I liked it. Gave me a “The Descent” kind of vibe. Could be really moody and claustrophobic horror thriller. (A handheld camera aesthetic could really amp that up). Going to reread it again to help offer some notes.

First impression: it kind of… ends. I think it needs more of a denouement. Like, they get close to a way out, having surpassed an obstacle or solved a mystery, and as they are rejoicing, they don’t notice the water beginning to rise again… Something like that.

[Timothy Barley]

Hi Dean!

I read the two versions and the second is definitely better! Good job working toward a quicker paced outline (this will help immensely when you go from looking at the outline to free flow writing slug line-character-dialogue repeat and not have to wade through too much exponential material in the outline.

I do have a couple of questions that I think would make this even better if explained IN the screenplay/film:

1. Is the government and governor in on all of it? We see at the beginning the request to keep it under wraps, but I didn't see anything else from the government afterward unless I missed it. Maybe have an evil aide to the governor with an axe to grind be the point man and the wall between Hargrove and the governor.

2. What is the MYST and how is it created? Movies like The Blob (the movie which I equated this to) take a bit to explain how it comes to be so that the audience is not left with that gnawing question weighing on them throughout the whole movie.

3. It make more sense to limit yourself to “just the facts” about each scene. See the example of the last three scenes of your work that I used:

EXT. ELDERGROVE – SUNSET
Suspense: The scientists quickly remove and dispose of Anna’s body.
Shock, Hysteria: As they search the village, Dr Hart, now a raving lunatic, jumps out at them. Both scientists unload their revolvers into her. Even then, she still makes noise much longer than she should.
Suspense: A government team arrives to investigate the disappearance of everyone, along with Mr. Hargrove, who quickly buys the village under the guise of helping, hinting at further sinister plans. Hargrove agrees to keep everything quiet, so he won’t ruin the governor’s chances of re-election. He also agrees to have his top scientists figure what could be causing such a MYSTerious phenomena.
EXT. SEASIDE TOWN – DAY
Suspense: The Myst rolls into a new, isolated town, teeming with new red antennas.
EXT. BASE CAMP – DAY
Suspense: Two scientists oversee the operation from a distance, hinting that Mr. Hargrove has a bigger plan; and the cycle is far from over. So the Myst isn’t so MYSTerious after all, for as long as there is greed and despair, the Myst will be there. They say that after this village, they’ll experiment with larger towns and even cities.
Shock: A sudden look to the camera as he says to the viewer: Maybe yours. The Myst’s sinister cackle resounds.

BECOMES–>

EXT. ELDERGROVE – SUNSET
The aftermath. Scientists move in to “clean up” – disposing of bodies, killing the crazed Dr. Hart, followed by a government team and Mr. Hargrove.
Suspense: The scientists quickly remove and dispose of Anna’s body.
Shock, Hysteria: Armed Scientists kill Dr. Hart.
Suspense: A government team arrives along with Hargrove to “investigate.” Hargrove furthers his sinister plans with the governor’s backing.

EXT. SEASIDE TOWN – DAY
The Myst rolls into a new, isolated town, teeming with new red antennas.
Suspense: New town. Same MYST. Will it be the same outcome?

EXT. BASE CAMP – DAY
Two scientists oversee the operation from a distance, talking about larger towns and cities even.
Suspense: hinting that Mr. Hargrove has a bigger plan; and the cycle is far from over.
Shock: A sudden look to the camera as he says to the viewer: Maybe yours.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

Dean, thanks so much for the feedback. It flows so much better when I added the second day. I hadn't realized it on the first draft, but it all took place that first night. I think the addition of a second day/morning adds more dread when they realize they can't leave and SOMETHING is going on.

There is a great movie called "Coherence" that works similar to this idea (not doppelgängers and mirror but mashed up realities) but to have originals AND doppelgängers at each other is something I have to tread carefully with or I could confuse myself!

I have an idea for WHAT the doppelgängers are up to and there IS a backstory that can be explored some in this film, but the goal would be another film or two to explain it all… 🙂

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

This has such a moral statement to it! Love it!

[Timothy Barley]

“the Menu” is one of my favorites. A great [non gory] horror film with a huge moral lesson(s).

[Timothy Barley]

I LOVED “Thanksgiving.”

[Timothy Barley]

I agree wholeheartedly; I loved this course, but without instructor feedback, the writers are left to their own devices. I started out responding to others’ efforts, but didn’t feel like anyone wanted to communicate.

[Timothy Barley]

David, I couldn’t edit my own initial staked out replies on lessons 9-15 and I fell down the “it’s gotta be perfect RIGHT NOW!!!” rabbit hole.

That and a broken foot, which is not an excuse…

Lastly, I also had to turn to a previous screenplay written years ago that suddenly has new interest. 🤞

[Timothy Barley]

Thanks!!!

I have it in my calendar as 6pm, 3pm and 12pm, but not 1pm. Grrr….

[Timothy Barley]

Veleka, same here. Although I seem to have gotten the wrong time for the phone calls (I’ve been traveling and may have put the wrong time zone in my calendar). Do you know what time the calls are PST on Saturday?

[Timothy Barley]

I can’t wait to find out as well!

[Timothy Barley]

I love this idea! I can see it in my head and I can see my mother and I watching it together when I visit (movie watching is something we can rarely agree on), which is to say “two thumbs up!”

[Timothy Barley]

Gave us the great line, “Get. Off. My. Plane.”

[Timothy Barley]

This movie was a great slow burn with a monster twist (no pun intended).

[Timothy Barley]

The great thing about Blade Runner (and the ’92 director’s cut is the best…) is that you can watch it again again and find different parts so profound. Good choice!

[Timothy Barley]

Jeanne, I got tripped up by the website issues. I’m working hard to catch up.

[Timothy Barley]

Good point!

I think you’re right. I may recreate this as BOTH, and add an actual “sit down for 5 minutes” version as well.

[Timothy Barley]

Paul,

Email me. I can’t find a message function on this site to SEND a message to connect with anyone who hasn’t already connected with me.

Timothy.L.Barley@gmail.com

Tim

[Timothy Barley]

Elizabeth,

Not sure where we are supposed to exchange feedback, and I’ve never initiated a communication or DM to another person (but have communicated), so since we are both done, do you want to exchange? You can send me an email to Timothy.L.Barley@gmail.com

Tim

[Timothy Barley]

Couldn’t agree with you more. And, at times for me, I make a change and that leads to a change in something earlier in the season, etc. All for the better, but it IS the hard part.

[Timothy Barley]

Tolan, a few others of us have also mentioned this but have not gotten a response. Until we do, I am just writing all my answers to the lessons out in a basic word document that I can copy/paste into the forum/chat/answer areas when they do become available. It’s given me time to rewatch and build some characters. You’re not alone…

[Timothy Barley]

I took the time to watch and rewatch, and rewatch my pilot episode of “Prison Break,” yielding more insights and amended my “what did I learn?” thesis.

[Timothy Barley]

Elizabeth, I replied with the following to Ellen:

“I am also not finding a place to post anything in the forums.

I wonder if there is nothing to add at this point. The first two lessons/emails this week seem to be watching the show of your choice and understanding it in your head and taking notes. But in the syllabus, it seems that with lesson four a new stage in the first module begins. Maybe at that point we can start adding our content?”

Maybe? – Tim

[Timothy Barley]

I am also not finding a place to post anything in the forums.

I wonder if there is nothing to add at this point. The first two lessons/emails this week seem to be watching the show of your choice and understanding it in your head and taking notes. But in the syllabus, it seems that with lesson four a new stage in the first module begins. Maybe at that point we can start adding our content?