[Tina Howe]

What I learned is that feedback is essential to progress. You must have the Hero, Villain and Red Herring clear on the page.

Thriller Map: THE CATALOG

INT. AUTOMOBILE – MOVING – DAY

A jumbled dream. Angry, distracted TEENAGE GIRL drives a car. Argues with an OLDER WOMAN in the passenger seat. The car crashes.

CUT TO BLACK.

Frantic breathing in the dark.

INT. DIM CORRIDOR – DAY

A CLEANER pushes a rumbling laundry cart past patient room number “305”.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS

Frantic breathing catches as JULIE DOE, mid-30s, startles at the rumbling cart. She struggles awake in a dim room. Oxygen mask on her face. Her eyes blink, tear up. She holds her ringing head. Her arms are pierced with futuristic, color-coded medical and feeding tubes that connected to bags of fluid and diagnostic devices. Tubes to drain body fluids. Her legs in devices that stimulates her muscles. She drags the oxygen mask off. Julie has woken up from a coma.

Her breathing somewhat normalizes. She struggles to sit up. Pulls the tubes from their fittings. She stands on shaky legs. Hobbles to the small bathroom sink, latches on. Turns on the light. In the mirror she feels her face. She discovers her big pregnant belly through her hospital gown. Gasps. How…? What…?

QUICK FLASHBACK to the car accident.

She limps back into the room. Tries the door. Locked. Looks out the small window in the door. Nobody. Knocks. Her raspy voice makes an effort to call out. She reads her wrist band with bar code: “DOE, JULIE”. That’s not right. Confusion.

A computer screen among the equipment has the header, “THE CATALOG”. Julie taps the keyboard – password protected.

This place is like a grim character. Down the hall she hears a woman screaming, screaming and a baby’s cry. The ringing in her ears stops and she covers them, cowers. Voices in the corridor. She climbs back in bed, sticks the needles back into their fittings, shuts her eyes. The door clicks open. The lights come on full. A camera in the corner above Julie’s bed turns on.

The lights come on when CARETAKER PETERS, 50s, comes in. Serious demeanor, lab coat. He glances at the lit bathroom, turns off the light. Glances at Julie’s diagnostics. Three male/female NURSES come into the room. One looks back into the corridor, hurries to shut the door. A Nurse makes the remark that here’s another diagnostics machine showing inaccurate activity. Caretaker Peters makes a comment about cheap Chinese equipment. He’s already called service to replace it, just ignore it for now. He shuts it off.

The caretakers sweat, on edge, try to hide their nervousness with banter. They notice that one of Julie’s tubes isn’t connected right. Peters takes over, is gentle with Julie. A Nurse says, While you’re at it, how about putting in a request for more help? It’s hard to get good people. Besides, we already have the best. Caretaker Peters discourages the others from saying anything negative, and they say they were “Just kidding. I’m a kidder.” They look at the camera and plaster on pleasant faces.

INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

On a large screen sectioned-off into several patient room views, most of them dim, in some Caretakers attend to other patients. Peters and his caretakers’ dialog is guarded, circular. Turns of phrases contain subtext or irony, although the employees act happy. They say things about the Operator which are not really compliments. Watch out, a cleaner will come for you (grim). And, You’ll end up on the 4th floor. Peters silences others with a motion or a glance.

The OPERATOR, 40s, a stern, old-style nurse complete with starched white hat, fitted white uniform and stockings and white, hard-soled shoes, sits in a chair, eyes closed, listens to Peters and the Nurses. The Operator opens her eyes at their derogatory remarks. She stands, coils a USB cable, and slips it into her pocket. Whips a folded baby blanket off a stack.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS

The subject of conversation changes to a comment about the “cute one” on page 65. They discuss this one coming due soon.

INT. CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

The Operator walks down the corridor cradling the bundled blanket like a baby. She pats it, shushes it. A pair of surgical scissors stick out of her pocket [the symbol = cutting the cord, cutting from the past, ending life, etc.]. She occasionally skips a step.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS

The door clicks open. Peters and the Nurses startle, eyes dart to the door. The Operator steps in, cradling the infant. All nicey-nice. They address her as “Ma’am”.

The Operator looks on Julie tenderly. Yet she talks about harvesting her newborn in the most commercial of terms. They all act concerned only about Julie’s baby. A-titter, even.

Peters prevents anyone else from touching Julie. He sweats.

The Operator announces that Julie is scheduled in three days. She’s ripe enough. Peters asks who she’s holding in her arms. The Operator stops patting the baby. Says it’s 208’s newborn, which has died. Peters is shocked. Wants to see it. But the Operator won’t let him. The Operator pretends to care about the patients, is over-emotional when a patient or infant dies or miscarries. Yet blames this loss of assets on Peters. You’re causing too many “assets” to die. She reprimands him for every failure which makes him seem like the bad guy. He offers but she won’t let him examine the dead infants or perform an autopsy. Peters backs off and readily accepts responsibility for newborn “deaths”. Glances between the Nurses show this isn’t true. The weepy Operator claims the Facility needs to show zero losses. But is devoid of true emotion (which is realized in her glance when she exits). The Operator swipes her photo key card, leaves.

INT. DIM CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

Cleaners roam the hallways with a heavy laundry cart. They see the Operator, step back against the wall, lower their heads. The Operator drops the dead newborn into a laundry bin. The blanket opens. It’s a Cabbage Patch doll.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS

Peters tells the Nurses to go on to the next patient, he’ll finish up here. He positions himself between the camera and Julie. He whispers to her not react. You can get up after the light goes out.

Peters brought Julie out of the coma – yes, she has been kept in a coma on purpose. The others can’t know. He ministers to her with the greatest of care. Yet he threatens her to help him. She has questions, tries to talk, wants to know who she is, where she is. Don’t talk! Amnesia is common when people first wake. But he says he has no personal data on patients so he can’t help her. He’ll be back. He swipes his key card, opens the door. The room goes dim, the camera shuts off. He turns back into the room. He’ll give Julie a few hours to get her mind clear.

She climbs out of bed. She tries to get into the computer but can’t. A banner plays across the screen: “It’s not about the money, it’s about being of service.” She almost collapses from labor pains. She can’t stay in this place!

INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

Peters comes back on last rounds. Pauses outside Julie’s door. He’s rather loud but halts the Nurses and calmly tells them, it’s been a long day. Meet me for a beer. He watches them walk down the hall.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS

Peters comes in. Has Julie made up her mind or would she rather be put back in a coma? Julie agrees to help him, but only if he’ll help her. Does he have a phone? No, and there’s no phone in this room. He leaves a computer screen logged in. Open to a screen with her name and info. He uses his photo key card to unlock the door and leaves, the lights go out. Wait until later. She gets out of bed, on the computer screen sees a phone number for “Prior Contact” but other contact info is left blank. He leaves the door ajar. Julie fears it’s a trap, is afraid to venture out, but finally does. She tests the handle from the outside which is unlocked and shuts the door.

EXT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

The Facility is cold and prison-like. Julie peeks into many other dim rooms like hers with coma women. Peters and the Caretakers are asleep in their rooms. Julie hides from a Cleaner who wheels one of Peters’ dead Nurses in a laundry cart out of an elevator. Another Cleaner cleans up a trail of blood and bitches at the other one for not taking proper protocol.

Julie creeps down halls, up and down staircases. Finds padlocked exit doors. She finds rooms full of infants. A locked “Morgue” with newborns plugged into some kind of technology (DNA splicing, electronic implants, etc.) It appears that the only way out of the building is past the office – where the Operator sits at a computer – and through the front door with Guards.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – DAY

Julie fakes her coma as Peters and his Nurses tend to her. Peters insists on checking her over himself. He asks the others why the Nurse who criticized the Operator has missed his/her shift. Nobody knows where they are. Maybe a sick day?

INT. CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

The Operator peeks through the small window and smirks. Pockets her scissors. She has blood splatters on her shoe.

MIDPOINT: JULIE’S DREAM – LATER

Julie sees snippets of her former life:

– At home having dinner with her parents.

– At school with her friends and boyfriend.

– The car accident. She was driving, she and her mother argue, crash. Julie watches her mother die and goes unconscious.

END OF DREAM

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – NIGHT

Julie wakes with a start. Climbs out of bed.

INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

Through a window in the corridor, the Operator picks up files and walks into a conference room in the back, shuts the door. Julie hides around the corner. Avoids the guards, sneaks into the office.

INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

She searches for a key, key card, phone, anything. She finds printed orders and emails with “Adoptions Catalog” on the masthead. She finds sell sheets with infant photos, parental D.N.A., and health information. On another computer screen she sees “SCHEDULED DELIVERIES” and a list of numbers. She compares the number on her wristband to those on the screen, finds hers. “STATUS: DELIVERY COUNTDOWN: 3 DAYS”. Julie overhears the Operator in an online meeting. Sneaks up to the closed conference room door.

INTERCUT: INT. OFFICE / CONFERENCE ROOM – CONTINUOUS

The Operator has a diabolical plan: On a Zoom call she talks to the CORPORATION BOARD and lies about losing assets, fake emotional – the corporation is about placing infants with deserving parents.

Julie finds emails coming in from purchase requests with specifications for exactly which kind of transhuman infant they’re looking for: SUPER STRENGTH, SUPER INTELLIGENCE, SUPER-ARTISTIC – machines, basically. She spots a cell phone.

On another Zoom call, the Operator assures delivery in three days to PARENT CUSTOMERS. She ends the Zoom call. She takes the USB cable out of her pocket, plugs herself into a charging device where her heart should be, shuts her eyes, goes offline.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – NIGHT

Julie opens the cell phone. She calls the “PRIOR CONTACT” number on the computer screen.

INTERCUT: PATIENT ROOM 305 / JACOBS HOME – CONTINUOUS

George Jacobs, 60s, answers. She asks, do you recognize my voice? Do you know who I am? Things aren’t right here. Where? I don’t know! He thinks it’s a cruel prank because he buried his wife and daughter fifteen years ago. He’s angry. He asks her something specific, but she can’t remember. She’s been in a coma all this time long time. Okay, then what were they arguing about just before the accident? She searches her memory – something about cheerleading, a boyfriend, a sport… He’s about to hang up when she says something that halts him for a moment, but he hangs up. Julie starts to have labor pains.

Peters comes in. Where has she been? He takes away her cell phone. Where’d she get this? Did you call out? She says no. He pockets it for himself. She starts to question what she saw in the office. Peters confesses that the Operator is transhuman, A.I. posing as human and is creating trans-human infants. The Corporation had threatened to kill Peters’ family if he didn’t cooperate, so to protect them he abandoned them. They think he’s dead. He just wants to go home. Julie: What’s transhuman? He explains – she’s not totally human. Is that what she’s doing to the babies? Is that what she’s going to do with my baby?

TURNING POINT 2: INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – DAY

The Operator pops into the room. The light comes on. Julie fakes that she’s asleep. The Operator jabs her with the scissors. Julie does her best not to react, but the Operator twists the scissors. Julie finally gives in. The Operator had suspected Peters. Peters comes in and she accuses him. He says, it happens. He holds up a syringe. “Miss Doe’s too out of it to understand what’s going on. I was about to put her back under, see?” The Operator doesn’t believe it. She takes his key card away. She calls to the Cleaners. They escort Peters out. Peters covertly sets the missing Nurse’s keycard [on a table] and takes a sad look back at Julie. The door clicks shut.

EXT. CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

Everyone follows the Operator’s rules or pays the price. The Operator stabs Peters in the temple with her scissors, killing him. The Operator signals the Cleaners to “Clean that up.” They stuff him into a laundry bin and heads back to Julie’s room.

CLIMAX: INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS

The Operator returns to Julie’s room. She’s gone.

INT. CORRIDORS – CONTINUOUS

The Operator, Caretakers and Cleaners hunt for Julie. She uses the key card to move between floors and get into rooms. They catch her and take her on the elevator.

INT. ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS

The Operator gaslights Julie about what a bad man Peters was, tells lies about him, how he’s trying to stop children from being adopted. Julie says she knows what she’s doing to those babies, how she’s making monsters of them. Is that how you see me, as a monster? Tears in the Operator’s eyes. She says keeping Julie locked down has been good for her baby.

INT. 4TH FLOOR – CONTINUOUS

The doors open to the dreaded “4TH FLOOR” sign. They walk Julie to the O.R. which is prepped for surgery, Surgeons and Nurses stand by. The Operator orders that Julie be put back into a coma, that’ll calm her down. The Operator tells Julie she has big plans for her asset, just like she did the previous four. Four?! What happened to them? You have no memory of being roused long enough to participate in the delivery. Afterward, the Operator will put Julie back in the coma and continue to use her as a breeder.

Julie can’t believe what these people are doing for money. Operator (robotically): “It’s not about the money, it’s about being of service.” Julie fights back, escapes their grip. She wrecks equipment, escapes the O.R., the Operator and others. Security Guards join the pursuit. But the staff doesn’t try as hard to catch her as the Operator would like. Julie runs toward the exit with key card in hand. They chase her through the halls, down stairwells.

EXT. THE FACILITY – DAY

Using the dead Nurse’s key card, Julie makes it outside. The Operator follows her, catches her. The Operator threatens to kill all the babies and leave no evidence unless Julie comes back inside. She almost does. Until she notices that the Doctors, Nurses, Cleaners, even Security Guards – pause and watch Julie stab the Operator with her own scissors. The employees then jump on the Operator and tear her apart. Julie makes it to the locked front gate where she collapses, alone and gives birth.

LATER

Julie holds her baby inside her hospital gown, exhausted from the delivery.

RESOLUTION: Julie’s father, the police and ambulances arrive. Her father sees her, recognizes it’s truly her – “Suzanne Jacobs. My daughter!” A police vehicle rams the gate. Caretakers lead SWAT, F.B.I., POLICE, and AMBULANCE WORKERS inside. George goes to Julie. Calls her by her real name, Suzanne. He had tried to call her back but she didn’t answer. The police traced the number here. Something Julie had told him about her mother rang true so on the off chance… FBI: The Caretakers will be debriefed. Infants taken to shelter, coma patients evaluated/ released/ hospitalized. Julie and her baby leave with her father.

INT. THE FACILITY – NURSERIES

F.B.I. tear the office apart, collect evidence, debrief the Security Guards – all were captives here. Caretakers wake people from comas. Tend to the babies. What will happen to the transhuman infants? With any luck, their transformation has not completed.

[Tina Howe]

What I learned is since this was a new concept, I didn’t know my characters very well. So I did some additional character development which actually enhanced what ended up in the map. Character is #1, even over concept and structure which work to fulfill the character’s purpose, not the other way around.

Title: The Catalog

Logline: A pregnant woman wakes in a secret long-term coma facility and must escape before The Operator hunts her down and kills her and her unborn child.

Tina’s Thriller Map Version 1

INT. AUTOMOBILE – MOVING – DAY

A jumbled dream. Angry, distracted TEENAGE GIRL drives a car. Argues with an OLDER WOMAN in the passenger seat. The car crashes.

CUT TO BLACK.

Frantic breathing in the dark.

INT. DIM CORRIDOR – DAY

A CLEANER pushes a rumbling laundry cart past patient room number “305”.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS

Frantic breathing catches as JULIE DOE, mid-30s, startles at the rumbling cart. She struggles awake in a dim room. Oxygen mask on her face. Her eyes blink, tear up. She holds her ringing head. Her arms are pierced with futuristic, color-coded medical and feeding tubes that connected to bags of fluid and diagnostic devices. Tubes to drain body fluids. Her legs in devices that stimulates her muscles. She drags the oxygen mask off. Julie has woken up from a coma.

Her breathing somewhat normalizes. She struggles to sit up. Pulls the tubes from their fittings. She stands on shaky legs. Hobbles to the small bathroom sink, latches on. Turns on the light. In the mirror she feels her face. She discovers her big pregnant belly through her hospital gown. Gasps. How…? What…?

QUICK FLASHBACK to the car accident.

She limps back into the room. Tries the door. Locked. Looks out the small window in the door. Nobody. Knocks. Her raspy voice makes an effort to call out. She reads her wrist band with bar code: “DOE, JULIE”. That’s not right. Confusion.

A computer screen among the equipment has the header, “THE CATALOG”. Julie taps the keyboard – password protected.

This place is like a grim character. Down the hall she hears a woman screaming, screaming and a baby’s cry. The ringing in her ears stops and she covers them, cowers. Voices in the corridor. She climbs back in bed, sticks the needles back into their fittings, shuts her eyes. The door clicks open. The lights come on full. A camera in the corner above Julie’s bed turns on.

The lights come on when CARETAKER PETERS, 50s, comes in. Serious demeanor, lab coat. He glances at the lit bathroom, turns off the light. Glances at Julie’s diagnostics. Three male/female NURSES come into the room. One looks back into the corridor, hurries to shut the door. A Nurse makes the remark that here’s another diagnostics machine showing inaccurate activity. Caretaker Peters makes a comment about cheap Chinese equipment. He’s already called service to replace it, just ignore it for now. He shuts it off.

The caretakers sweat, on edge, try to hide their nervousness with banter. They notice that one of Julie’s tubes isn’t connected right. Peters takes over, is gentle with Julie. A Nurse says, While you’re at it, how about putting in a request for more help? It’s hard to get good people. Besides, we already have the best. Caretaker Peters discourages the others from saying anything negative, and they say they were “Just kidding. I’m a kidder.” They look at the camera and plaster on pleasant faces.

INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

On a large screen sectioned-off into several patient room views, most of them dim, in some Caretakers attend to other patients. Peters and his caretakers’ dialog is guarded, circular. Turns of phrases contain subtext or irony, although the employees act happy. They say things about the Operator which are not really compliments. Watch out, a cleaner will come for you (grim). And, You’ll end up on the 4th floor. Peters silences others with a motion or a glance.

The OPERATOR, 40s, a stern, old-style nurse complete with starched white hat, fitted white uniform and stockings and white, hard-soled shoes, sits in a chair, eyes closed, listens to Peters and the Nurses. The Operator opens her eyes at their derogatory remarks. She stands, coils a USB cable, and slips it into her pocket. Whips a folded baby blanket off a stack.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS

The subject of conversation changes to a comment about the “cute one” on page 65. They discuss this one coming due soon.

INT. CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

The Operator walks down the corridor cradling the bundled blanket like a baby. She pats it, shushes it. A pair of surgical scissors stick out of her pocket [the symbol = cutting the cord, cutting from the past, ending life, etc.]. She occasionally skips a step.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS

The door clicks open. Peters and the Nurses startle, eyes dart to the door. The Operator steps in, cradling the infant. All nicey-nice. They address her as “Ma’am”.

The Operator looks on Julie tenderly. Yet she talks about harvesting her newborn in the most commercial of terms. They all act concerned only about Julie’s baby. A-titter, even.

Peters prevents anyone else from touching Julie. He sweats.

The Operator announces that Julie is scheduled in three days. She’s ripe enough. Peters asks who she’s holding in her arms. The Operator stops patting the baby. Says it’s 208’s newborn, which has died. Peters is shocked. Wants to see it. But the Operator won’t let him. The Operator pretends to care about the patients, is over-emotional when a patient or infant dies or miscarries. Yet blames this loss of assets on Peters. You’re causing too many “assets” to die. She reprimands him for every failure which makes him seem like the bad guy. He offers but she won’t let him examine the dead infants or perform an autopsy. Peters backs off and readily accepts responsibility for newborn “deaths”. Glances between the Nurses show this isn’t true. The weepy Operator claims the Facility needs to show zero losses. But is devoid of true emotion (which is realized in her glance when she exits). The Operator swipes her photo key card, leaves.

INT. DIM CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

Cleaners roam the hallways with a heavy laundry cart. They see the Operator, step back against the wall, lower their heads. The Operator drops the dead newborn into a laundry bin. The blanket opens. It’s a Cabbage Patch doll.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS

Peters tells the Nurses to go on to the next patient, he’ll finish up here. He positions himself between the camera and Julie. He whispers to her not react. You can get up after the light goes out.

Peters brought Julie out of the coma – yes, she has been kept in a coma on purpose. The others can’t know. He ministers to her with the greatest of care. Yet he threatens her to help him. She has questions, tries to talk, wants to know who she is, where she is. Don’t talk! Amnesia is common when people first wake. But he says he has no personal data on patients so he can’t help her. He’ll be back. He swipes his key card, opens the door. The room goes dim, the camera shuts off. He turns back into the room. He’ll give Julie a few hours to get her mind clear.

She climbs out of bed. She tries to get into the computer but can’t. A banner plays across the screen: “It’s not about the money, it’s about being of service.” She almost collapses from labor pains. She can’t stay in this place!

INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

Peters comes back on last rounds. Pauses outside Julie’s door. He’s rather loud but halts the Nurses and calmly tells them, it’s been a long day. Meet me for a beer. He watches them walk down the hall.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS

Peters comes in. Has Julie made up her mind or would she rather be put back in a coma? Julie agrees to help him, but only if he’ll help her. Does he have a phone? No, and there’s no phone in this room. He leaves a computer screen logged in. Open to a screen with her name and info. He uses his photo key card to unlock the door and leaves, the lights go out. Wait until later. She gets out of bed, on the computer screen sees a phone number for “Prior Contact” but other contact info is left blank. He leaves the door ajar. Julie fears it’s a trap, is afraid to venture out, but finally does. She tests the handle from the outside which is unlocked and shuts the door.

EXT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

The Facility is cold and prison-like. Julie peeks into many other dim rooms like hers with coma women. Peters and the Caretakers are asleep in their rooms. Julie hides from a Cleaner who wheels one of Peters’ dead Nurses in a laundry cart out of an elevator. Another Cleaner cleans up a trail of blood and bitches at the other one for not taking proper protocol.

Julie creeps down halls, up and down staircases. Finds padlocked exit doors. She finds rooms full of infants. A locked “Morgue” with newborns plugged into some kind of technology (DNA splicing, electronic implants, etc.) It appears that the only way out of the building is past the office – where the Operator sits at a computer – and through the front door with Guards.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – DAY

Julie fakes her coma as Peters and his Nurses tend to her. Peters insists on checking her over himself. He asks the others why the Nurse who criticized the Operator has missed his/her shift. Nobody knows where they are. Maybe a sick day?

INT. CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

The Operator peeks through the small window and smirks. Pockets her scissors. She has blood splatters on her shoe.

MIDPOINT: JULIE’S DREAM – LATER

Julie sees snippets of her former life:

– At home having dinner with her parents.

– At school with her friends and boyfriend.

– The car accident. She was driving, she and her mother argue, crash. Julie watches her mother die and goes unconscious.

END OF DREAM

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – NIGHT

Julie wakes with a start. Climbs out of bed.

INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

Through a window in the corridor, the Operator picks up files and walks into a conference room in the back, shuts the door. Julie hides around the corner. Avoids the guards, sneaks into the office.

INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

She searches for a key, key card, phone, anything. She finds printed orders and emails with “Adoptions Catalog” on the masthead. She finds sell sheets with infant photos, parental D.N.A., and health information. On another computer screen she sees “SCHEDULED DELIVERIES” and a list of numbers. She compares the number on her wristband to those on the screen, finds hers. “STATUS: DELIVERY COUNTDOWN: 3 DAYS”. Julie overhears the Operator in an online meeting. Sneaks up to the closed conference room door.

INTERCUT: INT. OFFICE / CONFERENCE ROOM – CONTINUOUS

The Operator has a diabolical plan: On a Zoom call she talks to the CORPORATION BOARD and lies about losing assets, fake emotional – the corporation is about placing infants with deserving parents.

Julie finds emails coming in from purchase requests with specifications for exactly which kind of transhuman infant they’re looking for: SUPER STRENGTH, SUPER INTELLIGENCE, SUPER-ARTISTIC – machines, basically. She spots a cell phone.

On another Zoom call, the Operator assures delivery in three days to PARENT CUSTOMERS. She ends the Zoom call. She takes the USB cable out of her pocket, plugs herself into a charging device where her heart should be, shuts her eyes, goes offline.

INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – NIGHT

Julie opens the cell phone. She calls the “PRIOR CONTACT” number on the computer screen.

INTERCUT: PATIENT ROOM 305 / JACOBS HOME – CONTINUOUS

George Jacobs, 60s, answers. She asks, do you recognize my voice? Do you know who I am? Things aren’t right here. Where? I don’t know! He thinks it’s a cruel prank because he buried his wife and daughter fifteen years ago. He’s angry. He asks her something specific, but she can’t remember. She’s been in a coma all this time long time. Okay, then what were they arguing about just before the accident? She searches her memory – something about cheerleading, a boyfriend, a sport… He’s about to hang up when she says something that halts him for a moment, but he hangs up. Julie starts to have labor pains.

Peters comes in. Where has she been? He takes away her cell phone. Where’d she get this? Did you call out? She says no. He pockets it for himself. She starts to question what she saw in the office. Peters confesses that the Operator is transhuman, A.I. posing as human and is creating trans-human infants. The Corporation had threatened to kill Peters’ family if he didn’t cooperate, so to protect them he abandoned them. They think he’s dead. He just wants to go home. Julie: What’s transhuman? He explains – she’s not totally human. Is that what she’s doing to the babies? Is that what she’s going to do with my baby?

TURNING POINT 2: INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – DAY

The Operator pops into the room. The light comes on. Julie fakes that she’s asleep. The Operator jabs her with the scissors. Julie does her best not to react, but the Operator twists the scissors. Julie finally gives in. The Operator had suspected Peters. Peters comes in and she accuses him. He says, it happens. He holds up a syringe. “Miss Doe’s too out of it to understand what’s going on. I was about to put her back under, see?” The Operator doesn’t believe it. She takes his key card away. She calls to the Cleaners. They escort Peters out. Peters covertly sets the missing Nurse’s keycard [on a table] and takes a sad look back at Julie. The door clicks shut.

EXT. CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

Everyone follows the Operator’s rules or pays the price. The Operator stabs Peters in the temple with her scissors, killing him. The Operator signals the Cleaners to “Clean that up.” They stuff him into a laundry bin and heads back to Julie’s room.

CLIMAX: INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS

The Operator returns to Julie’s room. She’s gone.

INT. CORRIDORS – CONTINUOUS

The Operator, Caretakers and Cleaners hunt for Julie. She uses the key card to move between floors and get into rooms. They catch her and take her on the elevator.

INT. ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS

The Operator gaslights Julie about what a bad man Peters was, tells lies about him, how he’s trying to stop children from being adopted. Julie says she knows what she’s doing to those babies, how she’s making monsters of them. Is that how you see me, as a monster? Tears in the Operator’s eyes. She says keeping Julie locked down has been good for her baby.

INT. 4TH FLOOR – CONTINUOUS

The doors open to the dreaded “4TH FLOOR” sign. They walk Julie to the O.R. which is prepped for surgery, Surgeons and Nurses stand by. The Operator orders that Julie be put back into a coma, that’ll calm her down. The Operator tells Julie she has big plans for her asset, just like she did the previous four. Four?! What happened to them? You have no memory of being roused long enough to participate in the delivery. Afterward, the Operator will put Julie back in the coma and continue to use her as a breeder.

Julie can’t believe what these people are doing for money. Operator (robotically): “It’s not about the money, it’s about being of service.” Julie fights back, escapes their grip. She wrecks equipment, escapes the O.R., the Operator and others. Security Guards join the pursuit. But the staff doesn’t try as hard to catch her as the Operator would like. Julie runs toward the exit with key card in hand. They chase her through the halls, down stairwells.

EXT. THE FACILITY – DAY

Using the dead Nurse’s key card, Julie makes it outside. The Operator follows her, catches her. The Operator threatens to kill all the babies and leave no evidence unless Julie comes back inside. She almost does. Until she notices that the Doctors, Nurses, Cleaners, even Security Guards – pause and watch Julie stab the Operator with her own scissors. The employees then jump on the Operator and tear her apart. Julie makes it to the locked front gate where she collapses, alone and gives birth.

LATER

Julie holds her baby inside her hospital gown, exhausted from the delivery.

RESOLUTION: Julie’s father, the police and ambulances arrive. Her father sees her, recognizes it’s truly her – “Suzanne Jacobs. My daughter!” A police vehicle rams the gate. Caretakers lead SWAT, F.B.I., POLICE, and AMBULANCE WORKERS inside. George goes to Julie. Calls her by her real name, Suzanne. He had tried to call her back but she didn’t answer. The police traced the number here. Something Julie had told him about her mother rang true so on the off chance… FBI: The Caretakers will be debriefed. Infants taken to shelter, coma patients evaluated/ released/ hospitalized. Julie and her baby leave with her father.

INT. THE FACILITY – NURSERIES

F.B.I. tear the office apart, collect evidence, debrief the Security Guards – all were captives here. Caretakers wake people from comas. Tend to the babies. What will happen to the transhuman infants? With any luck, their transformation has not completed.

FADE OUT

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tina Howe.

[Tina Howe]

What I learned is many of my misdirects were already in the map but I discovered a couple of news ones that were exciting. Just being aware of the need for misdirects and how to include them is going to be very helpful going forward.

Tina Misdirects…When Appropriate!

How my misdirections were effectively used:

A. The Red Herring – Caretaker Peters

– Peters threatens Julie to help him (already in map)

– Warns the other employees to behave (already in map)

B. The Villain – the Operator

– Acts sympathetic and concerned (already in map)

C. The cover-up for each mystery presented as “Reality”

– The newborns are not really dying (already in map)

– The Operator has threatened Peters to do her bidding (already in map)

– Peters protects his patients and the last thing he’d do is kill anyone (already in map)

– Peters has his own plan of escape (already in map)

Ops for Misdirection

A. Clue Misdirection

– Peters leaves Julie’s door unlocked. (already in map)

B. Character Misdirection

– After a grand, sobbing performance that reaches into our hearts, the Operator drops the dead newborn, in reality a Cabbage Patch doll, into a laundry bin

– Julie’s father thinks her call is a prank but comes to her rescue in the end (already in map)

C. Dialogue Misdirection

– Turns of phrases throughout which contain subtext or irony, i.e., the employees seem happy and say things about the Operator which are not really compliments

– Dialog is guarded, circular

– Everyone speaks to/about the Operator with respect/fear

D. (Added) Writer Misdirection

– The Catalog is not just patient records, it’s a sales and marketing tool. (already in map)

NEW THRILLER MAP

OPENING:

Direction: Julie dreams of being in a car accident.

Mystery 1: Julie has a jumbled dream about a car accident in which she’s driving and crashes.

Reveal 1: It’s a flashback/dream.

INCITING INCIDENT:

Intrigue: Frantic breathing in the dark.

Covert: (Julie wakes to) Rumbling past her door.

Reveal 2: Julie wakes up from a coma

Mystery 2: She can’t remember who she is. She wonders that she’s pregnant. She scrutinizes her face in the mirror, looks old to herself.

Twist: Julie wakes up in the futuristic Facility, plugged into medical tubing.

Covert: Julie’s wrist identifier band has “Doe, Julie.” and a number.

Covert: The Catalog on the computer screen has password-only access.

Overt: Julie’s door is locked from the outside.

Twist: She hears a woman screaming, people running down the corridors, a baby crying.

Mystery 3: What is The Facility and why is ‘Julie Doe’ here?

Mystery 4: She hears a woman screaming and a baby crying.

Mystery 5: Why is her door locked from the inside?

Reveal 3: Julie’s a prisoner.

Red Herring’s Plan 1: Caretaker Peters is cruel, gives orders to the staff, and appears to be running things.

Direction: Julie pretends to still be comatose.

TURNING POINT 1:

Overt: Caretakers discuss being perpetually short-handed. It’s hard to get good people.

Covert: Caretakers discuss (Julie) coming due soon.

Covert: Employees sweat, on edge, and try to hide this with banter.

Covert: Comment about the “cute one” on page 65.

Overt: Caretaker Peters discourages the others from saying anything negative, and they say they were “Just kidding. I’m a kidder.”

Dialog Misdirect: Turns of phrases throughout which contain subtext or irony, i.e., the employees seem happy and say things about the Operator which are not really compliments

Dialog Misdirect: Dialog is guarded, circular

Dialog Misdirect: Everyone speaks to/about the Operator with respect/fear

Overt: Watch out, a cleaner will come for you. (grim)

Covert: Peters silences others with a motion or a glance.

Twist: Peters knows she’s awake but lets it slide.

Covert: Peters ignores Julie’s brainwaves; he has put in a service request.

Covert: An employee talks about how cold the Operator is.

Covert: (Intro) The Operator eavesdrops on the conversation.

Covert: The Operator skips a word or a step.

Covert: The Operator coils a USB cable and puts it in her pocket.

Covert: The Operator carries a pair of surgical scissors in her pocket distinguished by a ribbon or pacifier (pacifier could be the symbol.)

Trust: The Op handles Julie tenderly.

Distrust: She talks about harvesting her newborn in the most commercial of terms.

Life threatening 2: Peters and the other Caretakers on their daily rounds believe Julie’s still comatose. They’re only concerned about Julie’s baby.

Mystery 6: One of the Caretakers thinks Julie’s brainwaves are too active but Peters ignores this/he shuts off the monitor.

Life threatening 3: Painful medical procedures are performed on Julie when she’s faking the coma.

Mystery 7: What is Caretaker Peters hiding?

Direction: The suspicious Operator observes Peters’ activities and makes notes.

Twist: The Operator announces that Julie will be scheduled to have her baby harvested.

Mystery 8: Caretaker Peters updates The Operator about Julie’s “procedures” in a few days once she’s ripe enough.

Distrust: Peters lies to The Operator about Julie’s condition.

Trust: He protects Julie’s wellbeing.

Direction: The Operator carries a newborn she says is dead.

Twist: The newborn isn’t dead.

Too many “assets” are not surviving. She blames this on Peters.

Trust: She reprimands Peters for every failure which makes him seem like the bad guy.

Distrust: She lets Peters continue to tend to Julie.

Villain’s Plan 2: The cold Operator claims the facility needs to show zero losses.

Life threatening 4: Everyone will follow the Operator’s rules or pay the price.

Villain’s Plan 3: The Operator pretends to care about the patients, is over-emotional when a patient or infant dies or miscarries. But is devoid of real emotion (which is realized when she exits). It’s “never about the money, it’s about being of service.”

Direction: Why does Peters so readily take responsibility for newborn “deaths?”

Reveal 5/Twist: The Operator tortures the employees if they disagree.

Direction: The Operator takes the dead newborns away before autopsies can be performed.

Twist: The not-dead newborns are taken to a secret locked room.

Trust: She weeps for every newborn that doesn’t survive.

Distrust: She won’t let Peters examine the dead infants or perform autopsies.

Villain’s Plan 4: Where does the Operator take the tiny bodies before autopsies that could help them understand the fatalities can be completed?

Character Misdirect: After a grand, sobbing performance that reaches into our hearts, the Operator drops the dead newborn, in reality a Cabbage Patch doll, into a laundry bin.

Life threatening 5: Julie’s baby could be harvested at any moment while she’s awake.

Life threatening 6: Julie has labor pains.

Reveal 4/Twist: Caretaker Peters wants to use Julie in his own escape plan.

Mystery 9: Caretaker Peters wants Julie to help him in some way (escape? Bring down The Operator?) (but can Peters be Trusted?).

Distrust: Peters threatens Julie to help him.

Peters brought Julie out of the coma – yes, she has been kept in a coma on purpose.

Trust: He handles Julie with the greatest of care.

Covert: Cleaners roam the hallways with a heavy laundry cart.

Covert: The Cleaners seem stressed and fearful.

Covert: Peters warns about the room bugged, writes out instructions. Gives Julie 5 min. to roam and make up her mind.

Overt: The Facility is cold and prison-like.

Overt: Peters’ and Julie’s quid quo pro.

Overt: Julie sees many other coma patients locked in rooms like hers.

Covert: Julie is hiding, sees a Cleaner wheel a dead body out of an O.R. and the other one cleaning up the blood.

Mystery 10: Julie wants him to tell her who she is but Peters says he has no personal data on patients which keeps them from getting emotionally attached.

Distrust: Peters says he doesn’t know Julie’s true name.

Life threatening 7: Caretaker Peters will give Julie a few hours to get her mind clear. When he returns, she’d better do his bidding or he’ll put her back in a coma.

Direction: Under threat, Julie agrees to help Peters, but only if he helps her. He leaves her door unlocked.

Reveal 6/Trust: He leaves a computer screen open with her info so she can see her father’s address and phone number.

Distrust: Peters says he’ll help Julie escape.

Trust: He leaves her door unlocked.

Life threatening 9: Julie fears it’s a trap, is afraid to venture out, but finally does.

Direction: Julie finds surgical rooms. Many comatose patients. Rooms full of infants. The locked “dead infant” room. Breakaway fire doors padlocked. Peters and the Caretakers locked in their rooms until rounds.

Twist 12: The only way out of the building is through the guarded front door.

Reveal 7/Villain’s Plan 10: Julie finds a remote room with the “dead” newborns plugged into A.I. technology; DNA splicing, electronic implants, etc.

Mystery 11: Who is The Operator, really, and what’s going on here?

Overt: Peters asks other employees why the one who criticized the Operator has missed his/her shift.

Covert: The Operator has blood spatters on her shoe.

MIDPOINT:

Direction: Julie gets into The Operator’s office.

Direction: Julie remembers more about the car accident.

Twist: She was driving, killed her mother in the crash, ended up in a coma.

Mystery 12: Through another flashback, Julie begins to remember who she is. Now in her 30s, she had the car crash that killed her mother and put her in a coma at age 18.

Mystery 13: Julie sneaks into the offices looking for a key, key card, phone, etc.

Direction: Julie finds an auction announcement in The Operator’s office.

Twist: Someone wants to purchase infants.

Direction: Julie overhears The Operator’s online meetings.

Reveal 8/Twist: Julie discovers The Operator’s diabolical plan: She’s selling transhuman infants.

Overt: Julie’s baby is listed for bid with the same identifier number as on her wrist identifier band.

Overt: Julie learns what the Catalog is.

Overt: the Operator takes her USB cable out of her pocket and plugs herself into a charging device.

Mystery 14: Julie finds emails coming in from purchase requests with specifications for exactly which kind of transhuman infant they’re looking for.

Villain’s Plan 11: The Operator Zooms with the corporation and lies about losing assets, fake emotional – the corporation is about auctioning infants to wealthy parents. But her objective doesn’t align with theirs.

Villain’s Plan 12: On a second Zoom call, the Operator is running another business, a super-secret transhuman infant-selling ring. Why?

Direction: Julie finds a way to call out.

Twist: Her father thinks she’s pranking him – he buried his daughter and his wife.

Mystery 15: Desperate Julie finds The Facility’s address and a way to call outside.

Reveal 9/Mystery 16: Her father answers but thinks it’s a cruel prank because they buried his daughter. She gives him the address/she says something (about the accident, she killed her mother?) that should pique his interest, but it doesn’t and he hangs up on her.

Direction: Julie starts to have labor pains.

Twist: She watches the Operator plug herself into electronic equipment.

Life threatening 13: Julie has worse labor pains and takes steps to keep herself and her baby safe.

Mystery 17: Julie hides and when the Operator comes back and Julie watches her plug into electronics and go “offline”.

Red Herring’s Plan 5: Julie sneaks back to her room. Peters is waiting.

Direction: Julie asks Peters what’s up with the operator?

Reveal 10/Twist #: The Operator is transhuman A.I. posing as human and is creating trans-human infants.

Reveal 11/Red Herring’s Plan 6: What’s up with The Operator? Peters confesses that the Operator is

Red Herring’s Plan 7: The Operator had threatened to kill Peters’ family if he didn’t cooperate so to protect them he left them behind and joined The Facility. He wants to go home.

Direction: The Operator discovers Peters lied about Julie and takes the key card away.

Distrust: Peters tells the Operator that Julie stole his key card.

Reveal 12/Trust: Peters has taken the missing employee’s keycard and leaves it with Julie.

TURNING POINT 2:

Life threatening 14: The Operator discovers Julie’s not in her room.

Life threatening 15: The Operator had suspected Peters, Julie’s only ally, questions him.

Reveal 13/Twist: The Operator kills Peters.

Covert: The Operator’s scissors stick out of Peters’ temple; he’s dead, of course.

Covert: Cleaners stuff Peters into a laundry bin.

Life threatening 16: The Operator catches Julie.

Reveal 14/Twist: Julie’s baby will be turned into a transhuman.

CLIMAX: The Operator has a failsafe.

Life threatening 18: The Operator catches Julie and takes her to the O.R. to harvest her infant.

Covert: The Operator has an O.R. prepped.

Overt: The Operator tells Julie she has big plans for her.

Life threatening 19: The Operator will put Julie back in the coma and continue to use her as a breeder. Reveal 15/Twist: Julie has birthed 5 children over the years.

Direction: Julie is being put back into a coma.

Twist: Julie fights back, escapes.

Reveal 16/Life threatening 20: Julie wrecks equipment, escapes the O.R., The Operator and other health workers and security guards in pursuit.

Trust: The Operator gaslights Julie and it appears Julie falls for it.

Distrust: She chases her, tries to capture her.

Trust: She says keeping Julie locked down will be good for her baby.

Distrust: Julie’s too much trouble and The Operator will kill her after the baby’s delivered.

Life threatening 21: The Operator threatens to blow up the facility and kill all the babies so as to leave no evidence.

Julie disables The Operator and the Workers and Security take over and tear her apart cog by cog.

Reveal 17/Direction: Julie makes it outside the building.

Twist: The Operator follows her, catches her, Julie kills her.

Direction: Alone and about to give birth, Julie makes it to the front gate.

Twist: Her father arrives with police and ambulances

Twist: Something Julie had told her father about her mother rang true.

RESOLUTION: Julie’s father and police break into The Facility and free Julie.

Twist: Something she said rang true.

– Julie’s father, the police and ambulances arrive. The Caretakers will be debriefed. Infants taken to shelter, coma patients evaluated/released/hospitalized. Julie and her baby go home with her father.

Mystery18: But what will happen to the transhuman infants?

[Tina Howe]

I learned a few things:

– I added a fifth main mystery which is, “What is the Catalog?” which is the title, after all, and nowhere thus far had I referenced the title!

– I came up with some cool clues to add. Most took what’s in the current outline a little deeper. I kept all of the clues.

– This turned out to be a pretty fun exercise. It’s scary how diabolical a writer can think. 🙂 However, in the new map there’s a ton crammed in and a lot of redundancy. It’s counter-productive to just cram everything in, in “order,” without having a clear, concise outline or flow. I think it would be easier to plant/extract clues from current items after the flow is honed to a larger degree.

Tina Gives Great Clues!

1. Main Mysteries

1. What is the Facility and why is ‘Julie Doe’ here?

2. What is Caretaker Peters hiding?

3. Who is the Operator, really?

4. Will the Operator kill Julie and take her baby?

5. What is the Catalog?

2. List Clues for Each Mystery

1. What is the Facility and why is ‘Julie Doe’ here?

Covert: (This wakes Julie) Rumbling past her door, the Cleaners roam the hallways with a full laundry cart.

Covert: The Cleaners seem as stressed and fearful as the others.

Overt: Caretakers discuss being perpetually short-handed. It’s hard to get good people.

Covert: Caretakers discuss (Julie) coming due soon.

Overt: Julie’s door is locked from the outside.

Overt: The Facility is cold and prison-like.

Overt: Julie sees many other coma patients locked in rooms like hers.

2. What is Caretaker Peters hiding?

Covert: Employees sweat, on edge, and try to hide this with banter.

Overt: Caretaker Peters discourages the others from saying anything negative, and they say they were “Just kidding. I’m a kidder.”

Overt: Watch out, a cleaner will come for you. (grim)

Covert: Peters silences others with a motion or a glance.

Covert: Peters ignores Julie’s brainwaves; he’ll put in a service request.

Overt: Peters’ and Julie’s quid quo pro.

3. Who is the Operator, really?

Covert: An employee talks about how cold the Operator is.

Covert: The Operator eavesdrops on employee conversations in the patient rooms.

Overt: Peters asks other employees why the one who criticized the Operator has missed his/her shift.

Covert: The Operator skips a word or a step.

Covert: The Operator coils a USB cable and puts it in her pocket.

Covert: The Operator carries a pair of surgical scissors in her pocket distinguished by a ribbon or pacifier (pacifier could be the symbol.)

Covert: The Operator has blood spatters on her shoe.

Covert: Cleaners stuff Peters into a laundry bin.

Overt: the Operator takes her USB cable out of her pocket and plugs herself into a charging device.

4. Will the Operator kill Julie and take her baby?

Covert: The Operator’s scissors stick out of Peters’ temple; he’s dead, of course.

Covert: The Operator has an O.R. prepped.

Overt: The Operator tells Julie she has big plans for her.

Covert: Julie is hiding, sees Cleaners wheel a dead body out of an O.R. and cleaning up the blood.

5. What is the Catalog?

Covert: Julie’s wrist identifier band with “Doe, Julie.” and a number.

Covert: The Catalog on the computer screen with password-only access.

Covert: Comment about a “cute one” on page 65.

Overt: Julie learns what the Catalog is.

Overt: Julie’s baby is listed for bid with the same identifier number as on her wrist identifier band.

3. Which Clues to Keep & Sequence

Covert: (Julie wakes to) Rumbling past her door, Cleaners roam the hallways with a heavy laundry cart.

Covert: The Cleaners seem stressed and fearful.

Overt: Caretakers discuss being perpetually short-handed. It’s hard to get good people.

Covert: Caretakers discuss (Julie) coming due soon.

Covert: Employees sweat, on edge, and try to hide this with banter.

Covert: Comment about the “cute one” on page 65.

Overt: Caretaker Peters discourages the others from saying anything negative, and they say they were “Just kidding. I’m a kidder.”

Overt: Watch out, a cleaner will come for you. (grim)

Covert: Peters silences others with a motion or a glance.

Covert: Peters ignores Julie’s brainwaves; he has put in a service request.

Covert: An employee talks about how cold the Operator is.

Covert: (Intro) The Operator eavesdrops on employee conversations in the patient rooms.

Covert: The Operator skips a word or a step.

Covert: The Operator coils a USB cable and puts it in her pocket.

Covert: The Operator carries a pair of surgical scissors in her pocket distinguished by a ribbon or pacifier (pacifier could be the symbol.)

Covert: Julie’s wrist identifier band has “Doe, Julie.” and a number.

Covert: The Catalog on the computer screen has password-only access.

Overt: Julie’s door is locked from the outside.

Overt: Peters’ and Julie’s quid quo pro.

Covert: Peters warns about the room bugged, writes out instructions. Gives Julie 5 min. to roam and make up her mind.

Overt: The Facility is cold and prison-like.

Overt: Julie sees many other coma patients locked in rooms like hers.

Covert: Julie is hiding, sees a Cleaner wheel a dead body out of an O.R. and the other one cleaning up the blood.

Overt: Peters asks other employees why the one who criticized the Operator has missed his/her shift.

Covert: The Operator has blood spatters on her shoe.

Covert: The Operator’s scissors stick out of Peters’ temple; he’s dead, of course.

Covert: Cleaners stuff Peters into a laundry bin.

Overt: Julie’s baby is listed for bid with the same identifier number as on her wrist identifier band.

Overt: Julie learns what the Catalog is.

Overt: the Operator takes her USB cable out of her pocket and plugs herself into a charging device.

Covert: The Operator has an O.R. prepped.

Overt: The Operator tells Julie she has big plans for her.

4. New Map with Clues Added

OPENING:

Direction: Julie dreams of being in a car accident.

Mystery 1: Julie has a jumbled dream about a car accident in which she’s driving and crashes.

Reveal 1: It’s a flashback/dream.

INCITING INCIDENT:

Intrigue: Frantic breathing in the dark.

Covert: (Julie wakes to) Rumbling past her door.

Reveal 2: Julie wakes up from a coma

Mystery 2: She can’t remember who she is. She wonders that she’s pregnant. She scrutinizes her face in the mirror, looks old to herself.

Twist: Julie wakes up in the futuristic Facility, plugged into medical tubing.

Covert: Julie’s wrist identifier band has “Doe, Julie.” and a number.

Covert: The Catalog on the computer screen has password-only access.

Overt: Julie’s door is locked from the outside.

Twist: She hears a woman screaming, people running down the corridors, a baby crying.

Mystery 3: What is The Facility and why is ‘Julie Doe’ here?

Mystery 4: She hears a woman screaming and a baby crying.

Mystery 5: Why is her door locked from the inside?

Reveal 3: Julie’s a prisoner.

Red Herring’s Plan 1: Caretaker Peters is cruel, gives orders to the staff, and appears to be running things.

Direction: Julie pretends to still be comatose.

TURNING POINT 1:

Overt: Caretakers discuss being perpetually short-handed. It’s hard to get good people.

Covert: Caretakers discuss (Julie) coming due soon.

Covert: Employees sweat, on edge, and try to hide this with banter.

Covert: Comment about the “cute one” on page 65.

Overt: Caretaker Peters discourages the others from saying anything negative, and they say they were “Just kidding. I’m a kidder.”

Overt: Watch out, a cleaner will come for you. (grim)

Covert: Peters silences others with a motion or a glance.

Twist: Peters knows she’s awake but lets it slide.

Covert: Peters ignores Julie’s brainwaves; he has put in a service request.

Covert: An employee talks about how cold the Operator is.

Covert: (Intro) The Operator eavesdrops on the conversation.

Covert: The Operator skips a word or a step.

Covert: The Operator coils a USB cable and puts it in her pocket.

Covert: The Operator carries a pair of surgical scissors in her pocket distinguished by a ribbon or pacifier (pacifier could be the symbol.)

Trust: The Op handles Julie tenderly.

Distrust: She talks about harvesting her newborn in the most commercial of terms.

Life threatening 2: Peters and the other Caretakers on their daily rounds believe Julie’s still comatose. They’re only concerned about Julie’s baby.

Mystery 6: One of the Caretakers thinks Julie’s brainwaves are too active but Peters ignores this/he shuts off the monitor.

Life threatening 3: Painful medical procedures are performed on Julie when she’s faking the coma.

Mystery 7: What is Caretaker Peters hiding?

Direction: The suspicious Operator observes Peters’ activities and makes notes.

Twist: The Operator announces that Julie will be scheduled to have her baby harvested.

Mystery 8: Caretaker Peters updates The Operator about Julie’s “procedures” in a few days once she’s ripe enough.

Distrust: Peters lies to The Operator about Julie’s condition.

Trust: He protects Julie’s wellbeing.

Direction: The Operator carries a newborn she says is dead.

Twist: The newborn isn’t dead.

Too many “assets” are not surviving. She blames this on Peters.

Trust: She reprimands Peters for every failure which makes him seem like the bad guy.

Distrust: She lets Peters continue to tend to Julie.

Villain’s Plan 2: The cold Operator claims the facility needs to show zero losses.

Life threatening 4: Everyone will follow the Operator’s rules or pay the price.

Villain’s Plan 3: The Operator pretends to care about the patients, is over-emotional when a patient or infant dies or miscarries. But is devoid of real emotion (which is realized when she exits). It’s “never about the money, it’s about being of service.”

Direction: Why does Peters so readily take responsibility for newborn “deaths?”

Reveal 5/Twist: The Operator tortures the employees if they disagree.

Direction: The Operator takes the dead newborns away before autopsies can be performed.

Twist: The not-dead newborns are taken to a secret locked room.

Trust: She weeps for every newborn that doesn’t survive.

Distrust: She won’t let Peters examine the dead infants or perform autopsies.

Villain’s Plan 4: Where does the Operator take the tiny bodies before autopsies that could help them understand the fatalities can be completed?

Life threatening 5: Julie’s baby could be harvested at any moment while she’s awake.

Life threatening 6: Julie has labor pains.

Reveal 4/Twist: Caretaker Peters wants to use Julie in his own escape plan.

Mystery 9: Caretaker Peters wants Julie to help him in some way (escape? Bring down The Operator?) (but can Peters be Trusted?).

Distrust: Peters threatens Julie to help him.

Trust: He handles Julie with the greatest of care.

Covert: Cleaners roam the hallways with a heavy laundry cart.

Covert: The Cleaners seem stressed and fearful.

Covert: Peters warns about the room bugged, writes out instructions. Gives Julie 5 min. to roam and make up her mind.

Overt: The Facility is cold and prison-like.

Overt: Peters’ and Julie’s quid quo pro.

Overt: Julie sees many other coma patients locked in rooms like hers.

Covert: Julie is hiding, sees a Cleaner wheel a dead body out of an O.R. and the other one cleaning up the blood.

Mystery 10: Julie wants him to tell her who she is but Peters says he has no personal data on patients which keeps them from getting emotionally attached.

Distrust: Peters says he doesn’t know Julie’s true name.

Life threatening 7: Caretaker Peters will give Julie a few hours to get her mind clear. When he returns, she’d better do his bidding or he’ll put her back in a coma.

Direction: Under threat, Julie agrees to help Peters, but only if he helps her. He leaves her door unlocked.

Reveal 6/Trust: He leaves a computer screen open with her info so she can see her father’s address and phone number.

Distrust: Peters says he’ll help Julie escape.

Trust: He leaves her door unlocked.

Life threatening 9: Julie fears it’s a trap, is afraid to venture out, but finally does.

Direction: Julie finds surgical rooms. Many comatose patients. Rooms full of infants. The locked “dead infant” room. Breakaway fire doors padlocked. Peters and the Caretakers locked in their rooms until rounds.

Twist 12: The only way out of the building is through the guarded front door.

Reveal 7/Villain’s Plan 10: Julie finds a remote room with the “dead” newborns plugged into A.I. technology; DNA splicing, electronic implants, etc.

Mystery 11: Who is The Operator, really, and what’s going on here?

Overt: Peters asks other employees why the one who criticized the Operator has missed his/her shift.

Covert: The Operator has blood spatters on her shoe.

MIDPOINT:

Direction: Julie gets into The Operator’s office.

Direction: Julie remembers more about the car accident.

Twist: She was driving, killed her mother in the crash, ended up in a coma.

Mystery 12: Through another flashback, Julie begins to remember who she is. Now in her 30s, she had the car crash that killed her mother and put her in a coma at age 18.

Mystery 13: Julie sneaks into the offices looking for a key, key card, phone, etc.

Direction: Julie finds an auction announcement in The Operator’s office.

Twist: Someone wants to purchase infants.

Direction: Julie overhears The Operator’s online meetings.

Reveal 8/Twist: Julie discovers The Operator’s diabolical plan: She’s selling transhuman infants.

Overt: Julie’s baby is listed for bid with the same identifier number as on her wrist identifier band.

Overt: Julie learns what the Catalog is.

Overt: the Operator takes her USB cable out of her pocket and plugs herself into a charging device.

Mystery 14: Julie finds emails coming in from purchase requests with specifications for exactly which kind of transhuman infant they’re looking for.

Villain’s Plan 11: The Operator Zooms with the corporation and lies about losing assets, fake emotional – the corporation is about auctioning infants to wealthy parents. But her objective doesn’t align with theirs.

Villain’s Plan 12: On a second Zoom call, the Operator is running another business, a super-secret transhuman infant-selling ring. Why?

Direction: Julie finds a way to call out.

Twist: Her father thinks she’s pranking him – he buried his daughter and his wife.

Mystery 15: Desperate Julie finds The Facility’s address and a way to call outside.

Reveal 9/Mystery 16: Her father answers but thinks it’s a cruel prank because they buried his daughter. She gives him the address/she says something (about the accident, she killed her mother?) that should pique his interest, but it doesn’t and he hangs up on her.

Direction: Julie starts to have labor pains.

Twist: She watches the Operator plug herself into electronic equipment.

Life threatening 13: Julie has worse labor pains and takes steps to keep herself and her baby safe.

Mystery 17: Julie hides and when the Operator comes back and Julie watches her plug into electronics and go “offline”.

Red Herring’s Plan 5: Julie sneaks back to her room. Peters is waiting.

Direction: Julie asks Peters what’s up with the operator?

Reveal 10/Twist #: The Operator is transhuman A.I. posing as human and is creating trans-human infants.

Reveal 11/Red Herring’s Plan 6: What’s up with The Operator? Peters confesses that the Operator is

Red Herring’s Plan 7: The Operator had threatened to kill Peters’ family if he didn’t cooperate so to protect them he left them behind and joined The Facility. He wants to go home.

Direction: The Operator discovers Peters lied about Julie and takes the key card away.

Distrust: Peters tells the Operator that Julie stole his key card.

Reveal 12/Trust: Peters has taken the missing employee’s keycard and leaves it with Julie.

TURNING POINT 2:

Life threatening 14: The Operator discovers Julie’s not in her room.

Life threatening 15: The Operator had suspected Peters, Julie’s only ally, questions him.

Reveal 13/Twist: The Operator kills Peters.

Covert: The Operator’s scissors stick out of Peters’ temple; he’s dead, of course.

Covert: Cleaners stuff Peters into a laundry bin.

Life threatening 16: The Operator catches Julie.

Reveal 14/Twist: Julie’s baby will be turned into a transhuman.

CLIMAX: The Operator has a failsafe.

Life threatening 18: The Operator catches Julie and takes her to the O.R. to harvest her infant.

Covert: The Operator has an O.R. prepped.

Overt: The Operator tells Julie she has big plans for her.

Life threatening 19: The Operator will put Julie back in the coma and continue to use her as a breeder. Reveal 15/Twist: Julie has birthed 5 children over the years.

Direction: Julie is being put back into a coma.

Twist: Julie fights back, escapes.

Reveal 16/Life threatening 20: Julie wrecks equipment, escapes the O.R., The Operator and other health workers and security guards in pursuit.

Trust: The Operator gaslights Julie and it appears Julie falls for it.

Distrust: She chases her, tries to capture her.

Trust: She says keeping Julie locked down will be good for her baby.

Distrust: Julie’s too much trouble and The Operator will kill her after the baby’s delivered.

Life threatening 21: The Operator threatens to blow up the facility and kill all the babies so as to leave no evidence.

Julie disables The Operator and the Workers and Security take over and tear her apart cog by cog.

Reveal 17/Direction: Julie makes it outside the building.

Twist: The Operator follows her, catches her, Julie kills her.

Direction: Alone and about to give birth, Julie makes it to the front gate.

Twist: Her father arrives with police and ambulances

Twist: Something Julie had told her father about her mother rang true.

RESOLUTION: Julie’s father and police break into The Facility and free Julie.

Twist: Something she said rang true.

– Julie’s father, the police and ambulances arrive. The Caretakers will be debriefed. Infants taken to shelter, coma patients evaluated/released/hospitalized. Julie and her baby go home with her father.

Mystery18: But what will happen to the transhuman infants?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tina Howe.

[Tina Howe]

What I learned is that this “map” is a great big jumble now, not what I would call a map, with tons of repetition and things out of place. Most of the things I listed as twists in previous lessons are the reveals.

Tina’s Dramatic Reveals

REVEAL 1:

Direction: Julie dreams of being in a car accident.

Mystery: Julie has a jumbled dream about a car accident in which she’s driving and crashes.

Reveal: It’s a flashback/dream.

REVEAL 2:

Intrigue: Frantic breathing in the dark.

Mystery: She can’t remember who she is. She wonders that she’s pregnant. She scrutinizes her face in the mirror, looks old to herself.

Reveal: Julie wakes up from a coma.

REVEAL 3:

Mystery 3: What is The Facility and why is ‘Julie Doe’ here?

Mystery 5: Why is her door locked from the inside?

Reveal: Julie’s a prisoner.

REVEAL 4:

Mystery: One of the Caretakers thinks Julie’s brainwaves are too active but Peters ignores this/he shuts off the monitor.

Distrust: Peters lies to The Operator about Julie’s condition.

Reveal/Twist: Caretaker Peters wants to use Julie in his own escape plan.

REVEAL 5:

Trust: She reprimands Peters for every failure which makes him seem like the bad guy.

Life threatening: Everyone will follow the Operator’s rules or pay the price.

Reveal/Twist: The Operator tortures the employees if they disagree.

REVEAL 6:

Mystery: Julie wants him to tell her who she is but Peters says he has no personal data on patients which keeps them from getting emotionally attached.

Distrust: Peters says he doesn’t know Julie’s true name.

Reveal/Trust: He leaves a computer screen open with her info so she can see her father’s address and phone number.

REVEAL 7:

Direction: The Operator carries a newborn she says is dead.

Twist: The newborn isn’t dead.

Reveal/Villain’s Plan 10: Julie finds a remote room with the “dead” newborns plugged into A.I. technology; DNA splicing, electronic implants, etc.

REVEAL 8:

Direction: Julie finds an auction announcement in The Operator’s office.

Direction: Julie overhears The Operator’s online meetings.

Reveal/Twist: Julie discovers The Operator’s diabolical plan: She’s selling transhuman infants.

REVEAL 9:

Twist: Something she said rang true.

Mystery: Desperate Julie finds The Facility’s address and a way to call outside.

Reveal: Her father answers but thinks it’s a cruel prank because they buried his daughter. She gives him the address/she says something (about the accident, she killed her mother?) that should pique his interest, but it doesn’t and he hangs up on her.

REVEAL 10:

Villain’s Plan: The cold Operator pretends to care about the patients, is over-emotional when a patient or infant dies or miscarries. But is devoid of real emotion (which is realized when she exits). It’s “never about the money, it’s about being of service.”

Twist: She watches the Operator plug herself into electronic equipment.

Reveal/Twist: The Operator is transhuman A.I. posing as human and is creating trans-human infants.

REVEAL 11:

Direction: Why does Peters so readily take responsibility for newborn “deaths?”

Distrust: She won’t let Peters examine the dead infants or perform autopsies.

Reveal/Red Herring’s Plan: The Operator had threatened to kill Peters’ family if he didn’t cooperate so to protect them he left them behind and joined The Facility. He wants to go home.

REVEAL 12:

Direction: The Operator discovers Peters lied about Julie and takes the key card away.

Distrust: Peters tells the Operator that Julie stole his key card.

Reveal/Trust: Peters had stolen one of the worker’s/a duplicate keycard and leaves it with Julie.

REVEAL 13:

Life threatening: The Operator discovers Julie’s not in her room.

Life threatening: The Operator had suspected Peters, Julie’s only ally, questions him.

Reveal/Twist: The Operator kills Peters.

REVEAL 14:

Life threatening: Julie’s baby could be harvested at any moment while she’s awake.

Life threatening: The Operator catches Julie.

Reveal/Twist: Julie’s baby will be turned into a transhuman.

REVEAL 15:

Life threatening: The Operator catches Julie and takes her to the O.R. to harvest her infant.

Life threatening: The Operator will put Julie back in the coma and continue to use her as a breeder.

Reveal/Twist: Julie has birthed 5 children over the years.

REVEAL 16:

Direction: Julie is being put back into a coma.

Twist: Julie fights back, escapes.

Reveal/Life threatening: Julie wrecks equipment, escapes the O.R., The Operator and other health workers and security guards in pursuit.

REVEAL 17:

Twist: Her father arrives with police and ambulances.

Twist: Something Julie had told her father about her mother rang true.

Reveal/Direction: Julie makes it outside the building.

[Tina Howe]

What I learned is there are a lot of crossovers and duplication of items from the various lists which is going to require a ton of organizing when it comes to the outline.

Tina’s Trust Relationships

Main Characters:

• Hero: Julie Doe
• Villain: The Operator
• Red Herring Character: Caretaker Peters
• Trusted, but shouldn’t be: The Operator
• Isn’t trusted, but should be: Caretaker Peters

NEW THRILLER MAP

OPENING:

• Twist 1:
• Direction: Julie dreams of being in a car accident.
• Mystery 1: Julie has a jumbled dream about a car accident.

INCITING INCIDENT:

• Mystery 2: She can’t remember who she is. She wonders that she’s pregnant. She scrutinizes her face in the mirror, looks old to herself.
• Twist: Julie wakes up in the futuristic Facility, plugged into medical tubing.
• Twist 2:
• Direction: Julie can’t remember who she is.
• Twist: Julie is surprised she’s pregnant.
• Twist 3:
• Direction: Julie’s locked in her room.
• Twist: She hears a woman screaming, people running down the corridors, a baby crying.
• Mystery 3: What is The Facility and why is ‘Julie Doe’ here?
• Mystery 4: She hears a woman screaming and a baby crying.
• Mystery 5: Why is her door locked from the inside?
• Red Herring’s Plan 1: Caretaker Peters is cruel, gives orders to the staff, and appears to be running things.
• Twist 4:
• Direction: Julie pretends to still be comatose.

TURNING POINT 1:

• Twist: Peters knows she’s awake but lets it slide.
• TRUST: The Op handles Julie tenderly.
• DISTRUST: She talks about harvesting her newborn in the most commercial of terms.
• Life threatening 2: Peters and the other Caretakers on their daily rounds believe Julie’s still comatose. They’re only concerned about Julie’s baby.
• Mystery 6: One of the Caretakers thinks Julie’s brainwaves are too active but Peters ignores this/he shuts off the monitor.
• Life threatening 3: Painful medical procedures are performed on Julie when she’s faking the coma.
• Mystery 7: What is Caretaker Peters hiding?
• Twist 5:
• Direction: The suspicious Operator observes Peters’ activities and makes notes.
• Twist: The Operator announces that Julie will be scheduled to have her baby harvested.
• Mystery 8: Caretaker Peters updates The Operator about Julie’s “procedures” in a few days once she’s ripe enough.
• DISTRUST: Peters lies to The Operator about Julie’s condition.
• TRUST: He protects Julie’s wellbeing.
• Twist 6:
• Direction: The Operator carries a newborn she says is dead.
• Twist: The newborn isn’t dead.
• Too many “assets” are not surviving. She blames this on Peters.
• TRUST: She reprimands Peters for every failure which makes him seem like the bad guy.
• DISTRUST: She lets Peters continue to tend to Julie.
• Villain’s Plan 2: The Operator claims the facility needs to show zero losses.
• Life threatening 4: Everyone will follow the Operator’s rules or pay the price.
• Villain’s Plan 3: The Operator pretends to care about the patients, is over-emotional when a patient or infant dies or miscarries. But is devoid of real emotion (which is realized when she exits). It’s “never about the money, it’s about being of service.”
• Twist 7:
• Direction: Why does Peters so readily take responsibility for newborn “deaths?”
• Twist: The Operator tortures the employees if they disagree.
• Twist 8:
• Direction: The Operator takes the dead newborns away before autopsies can be performed.
• Twist: The not-dead newborns are taken to a secret locked room.
• TRUST: She weeps for every newborn that doesn’t survive.
• DISTRUST: She won’t let Peters examine the dead infants or perform autopsies.
• Villain’s Plan 4: Where does the Operator take the tiny bodies before autopsies that could help them understand the fatalities can be completed?
• Life threatening 5: Julie’s baby could be harvested at any moment while she’s awake.
• Life threatening 6: Julie has labor pains.
• Twist 9:
• Direction: Caretaker Peters discovers that Julie is awake.
• Twist: Caretaker Peters wants to use Julie in his own plan.
• Mystery 9: Caretaker Peters wants Julie to help him in some way (escape? Bring down The Operator?) (but can Peters be trusted?).
• DISTRUST: Peters threatens Julie to help him.
• TRUST: He handles Julie with the greatest of care.
• Mystery 10: Julie wants him to tell her who she is but Peters says he has no personal data on patients which keeps them from getting emotionally attached.
• DISTRUST: Peters says he doesn’t know Julie’s true name.
• TRUST: He leaves a computer screen open with her info so she can see her father’s address and phone number.
• Life threatening 7: Caretaker Peters will give Julie a few hours to get her mind clear. When he returns, she’d better do his bidding or he’ll put her back in the coma.
• Twist 10:
• Direction: Under threat, Julie agrees to help Peters.
• Twist: She’ll help, but only if he helps her. He leaves her door unlocked.
• DISTRUST: Peters says he’ll help Julie escape.
• TRUST: He leaves her door unlocked.
• Life threatening 9: Julie fears it’s a trap, is afraid to venture out, but finally does.
• Twist 11:
• Direction: Julie finds surgical rooms. Many comatose patients. Rooms full of infants. The locked “dead infant” room. Breakaway fire doors padlocked. Peters and the Caretakers locked in their rooms until rounds.
• Twist 12: The only way out of the building is through the guarded front door.
• Villain’s Plan 10: Julie finds a remote room with the “dead” newborns plugged into A.I. technology; DNA splicing, electronic implants, etc.
• Mystery 11: Who is The Operator, really, and what’s going on here?
• Twist 13:

MIDPOINT:

• Direction: Julie gets into The Operator’s office.
• Twist: Julie discovers The Operator has a diabolical plan.
• Twist 14:
• Direction: Julie remembers more about the car accident.
• Twist: She was driving, killed her mother in the crash, ended up in a coma.
• Mystery 12: Through another flashback, Julie begins to remember who she is. Now in her 30s, she had the car crash that killed her mother and put her in a coma at age 18.
• Mystery 13: Julie sneaks into the offices looking for a key, key card, phone, etc.
• Twist 15:
• Direction: Julie finds an auction announcement in The Operator’s office.
• Twist: Someone wants to purchase infants.
• Twist 16:
• Direction: Julie overhears The Operator’s online meetings.
• Twist: The Operator is selling transhuman infants.
• Mystery 14: Julie finds emails coming in from purchase requests with specifications for exactly which kind of transhuman infant they’re looking for.
• Villain’s Plan 11: The Operator Zooms with the corporation and lies about losing assets, fake emotional – the corporation is about auctioning infants to wealthy parents. But her objective doesn’t align with theirs.
• Villain’s Plan 12: On a second Zoom call, the Operator is running another business, a super-secret transhuman infant-selling ring. Why?
• Twist 17:
• Direction: Julie finds a way to call out.
• Twist: Her father thinks she’s pranking him – he buried his daughter and his wife.
• Mystery 15: Desperate Julie finds The Facility’s address and a way to call outside.
• Mystery 16: Her father answers but thinks it’s a cruel prank because they buried his daughter. She gives him the address/she says something (about the accident, about her mother) that should pique his interest, but it doesn’t and he hangs up on her.
• Twist 18:
• Direction: Julie starts to have labor pains.
• Twist: She watches the Operator plug herself into electronic equipment.
• Life threatening 13: Julie has worse labor pains and takes steps to keep herself and her baby safe.
• Mystery 17: Julie hides and when the Operator comes back and Julie watches her plug into electronics and go “offline”.
• Red Herring’s Plan 5: Julie sneaks back to her room. Peters is waiting.
• Twist 19:
• Direction: Julie asks Peters what’s up with the operator?
• Twist #: She’s transhuman!
• Red Herring’s Plan 6: What’s up with The Operator? Peters confesses that the Operator is A.I. posing as human and is creating trans-human infants.
• Red Herring’s Plan 7: The Operator had threatened to kill Peters’ family if he didn’t cooperate so to protect them he left them behind and joined The Facility. He wants to go home.
• Twist 20:
• Direction: The Operator discovers Peters lied about Julie.
• DISTRUST: Peters tells the Operator that Julie stole his key card.
• TRUST: He has a duplicate keycard and leaves it with Julie.

TURNING POINT 2:

• Twist: The Operator kills Peters.
• Life threatening 14: The Operator discovers Julie’s not in her room.
• Life threatening 15: The Operator had suspected Peters, Julie’s only ally, questions and kills him.
• Life threatening 16: The Operator catches Julie.
• Life threatening 17: Julie discovers that her baby is to be turned into a transhuman.
• Twist 21:
• Direction: The Operator catches Julie.
• Twist: Julie’s baby will be turned into a transhuman.

CLIMAX:

• The Operator has a failsafe.
• Life threatening 18: The Operator catches Julie and takes her to the O.R. to harvest her infant.
• Life threatening 19: The Operator will put Julie back in the coma and continue to use her as a breeder. Julie has born 5 children over the years.
• Twist 22:
• Direction: Julie is being put back into a coma.
• Twist: Julie fights back, escapes.
• Life threatening 20: Julie wrecks equipment, escapes the O.R., The Operator and other health workers and security guards in pursuit.
• TRUST: She’s kind to Julie when she sees she’s woken from the coma.
• DISTRUST: She chases her, tries to capture her.
• TRUST: She says keeping Julie locked down will be good for her baby.
• DISTRUST: Julie’s too much trouble and The Operator will kill her after the baby’s delivered.
• Life threatening 21: The Operator threatens to blow up the facility and kill all the babies so as to leave no evidence.
• Twist 23:
• Direction:
• Twist:
• Julie kills her in a gruesome way.
• Twist 24:
• Direction: Julie makes it outside the building.
• Twist: The Operator follows her, catches her, Julie kills her.
• Twist 25:
• Direction: Alone and about to give birth, Julie makes it to the front gate.
• Twist: Her father arrives with police and ambulances; something Julie had told him rang true.
• The Operator is taken away.

RESOLUTION:

• Julie’s father, the police and ambulances arrive. Something Julie said had rang true. The Caretakers will be debriefed. Infants taken to shelter, coma patients evaluated/released/hospitalized. Julie and her baby go home with her father.
• Mystery18: But what will happen to the transhuman infants?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tina Howe.

[Tina Howe]

What I learned is…

– It’s very difficult to not fill in minutiae and stick with the points you’ve already come up with to further clarify the plot, but then you end up with an outline. Then again, I came up with a lot of minutiae in the preceding lessons.

– I think through this outlining process I need to develop an FBI or even an offbeat investigator who’s already been investigating The Facility, maybe someone he knew who had a comatose friend/relative; so when Julie’s father contacts him, this lends corroboration to his theory.

– I added the red herring’s points even though they weren’t called for; they came up, so I labeled them.

Subject Line: Tina’s Thriller Plot!

MAIN STRUCTURE

OPENING: Julie Doe dreams of a terrible car wreck, screaming, burning.

INCITING INCIDENT: Julie wakes up in the futuristic Facility, plugged into medical tubing, pregnant, doesn’t know who she is.

TURNING POINT 1: Caretaker Peters discovers that Julie is awake and she must do his bidding.

MIDPOINT: Julie gets into The Operator’s office and discovers her plan. She has to stop her, but how?

TURNING POINT 2: The Operator discovers Peters lied about Julie and kills him.

CLIMAX: The Operator is going to kill all the transhuman infants and Julie fights/kills her to protect them.

RESOLUTION: Julie’s father and police break into The Facility and free Julie. But what about the infants?

PLOT

INCITING INCIDENT: Julie wakes up in the futuristic Facility, plugged into medical tubing, pregnant, doesn’t know who she is.

Mystery 1: Julie has a jumbled dream about a car accident in which she’s driving and crashes.

Mystery 2: She can’t remember who she is. She wonders that she’s pregnant. She scrutinizes her face in the mirror, looks old to herself.

Mystery 3: What is The Facility and why is ‘Julie Doe’ here?

Mystery 4: She hears a woman screaming and a baby crying.

Mystery 5: Why is her door locked from the inside?

Red Herring’s Plan 1: Caretaker Peters is cruel, gives orders to the staff, and appears to be running things.

Life threatening 1: Julie pretends to still be comatose.

Life threatening 2: Peters and the other Caretakers on their daily rounds believe Julie’s still comatose. They’re only concerned about Julie’s baby.

Mystery 6: One of the Caretakers thinks Julie’s brainwaves are too active but Peters ignores this/he shuts off the monitor.

Life threatening 3: Painful medical procedures are performed on Julie when she’s faking the coma.

Mystery 7: What is Caretaker Peters hiding?

Red Herring’s Plan 2: The suspicious Operator observes Peters’ activities and makes notes.

Mystery 8: Caretaker Peters updates The Operator about Julie’s “procedures” in a few days once she’s ripe enough.

Villain’s Plan 1: The Operator carries a newborn she says is dead. Too many “assets” are not surviving. She blames this on Peters.

Villain’s Plan 2: The Operator claims the facility needs to show zero losses.

Life threatening 4: Everyone will follow the Operator’s rules or pay the price.

Villain’s Plan 3: The Operator pretends to care about the patients, is over-emotional when a patient or infant dies or miscarries. But is devoid of real emotion (which is realized when she exits). It’s “never about the money, it’s about being of service.”

Red Herring’s Plan 3: Why does Peters so readily take responsibility for newborn “deaths?”

Villain’s Plan 4: Where does the Operator take the tiny bodies before autopsies that could help them understand the fatalities can be completed?

Life threatening 5: Julie’s baby could be harvested at any moment while she’s awake.

Life threatening 6: Julie has labor pains.

TURNING POINT 1: Caretaker Peters discovers that Julie is awake.

Red Herring’s Plan 4: Peters discovers Julie’s come out of the coma.

Mystery 9: Caretaker Peters wants Julie to help him in some way (escape? Bring down The Operator?) (but can Peters be trusted?).

Mystery 10: Julie wants him to tell her who she is but Peters says he has no personal data on patients which keeps them from getting emotionally attached.

Life threatening 7: Caretaker Peters will give Julie a few hours to get her mind clear. When he returns, she’d better do his bidding or he’ll put her back in the coma.

Life threatening 8: Under threat, Julie agrees to help Peters, but only if he’ll help her. He leaves her door unlocked.

Life threatening 9: Julie fears it’s a trap, is afraid to venture out, but finally does.

Mystery 10: Sequence: There are surgery rooms. There are many comatose patients. Rooms full of infants. The Operator has Peters and the Caretakers locked in their rooms, too. Even the breakaway fire doors are padlocked. The only way out of the building is through the guarded front door.

Villain’s Plan 10: Julie finds a remote room with the “dead” newborns plugged into A.I. technology; DNA splicing, electronic implants, etc.

Mystery 11: Who is The Operator, really, and what’s going on here?

MIDPOINT: Julie gets into The Operator’s office and discovers her plan. She has to stop her, but how?

Mystery 12: Through another flashback, Julie begins to remember who she is. Now in her 30s, she had the car crash that killed her mother and put her in a coma at age 18.

Mystery 13: Julie sneaks into the offices looking for a key, key card, phone, etc.

Mystery 14: Julie finds emails coming in from purchase requests with specifications for exactly which kind of transhuman infant they’re looking for.

Villain’s Plan 11: The Operator Zooms with the corporation and lies about losing assets, fake emotional – the corporation is about auctioning infants to wealthy parents. But her objective doesn’t align with theirs.

Villain’s Plan 12: On a second Zoom call, the Operator is running another business, a super-secret transhuman infant-selling ring. Why?

Mystery 15: Desperate Julie finds The Facility’s address and a way to call outside.

Mystery 16: Her father answers but thinks it’s a cruel prank because they buried his daughter. She gives him the address/she says something (about the accident, about her mother) that should pique his interest, but it doesn’t and he hangs up on her.

Life threatening 13: Julie has worse labor pains and takes steps to keep herself and her baby safe.

Mystery 17: Julie hides and when the Operator comes back and Julie watches her plug into electronics and go “offline”.

Red Herring’s Plan 5: Julie sneaks back to her room. Peters is waiting.

Red Herring’s Plan 6: What’s up with The Operator? Peters confesses that the Operator is A.I. posing as human and is creating trans-human infants.

Red Herring’s Plan 7: The Operator had threatened to kill Peters’ family if he didn’t cooperate so to protect them he left them behind and joined The Facility. He wants to go home.

TURNING POINT 2: The Operator discovers Peters lied about Julie.

Life threatening 14: The Operator discovers Julie’s not in her room.

Life threatening 15: The Operator had suspected Peters, Julie’s only ally, questions and kills him.

Life threatening 16: The Operator catches Julie.

Life threatening 17: Julie discovers that her baby is to be turned into a transhuman.

CLIMAX: The Operator has a failsafe.

Life threatening 18: The Operator catches Julie and takes her to the O.R. to harvest her infant.

Life threatening 19: The Operator will put Julie back in the coma and continue to use her as a breeder. Julie has born 5 children over the years.

Life threatening 20: Julie wrecks equipment, escapes the O.R., The Operator and other health workers and security guards in pursuit.

Life threatening 21: The Operator threatens to blow up the facility and kill all the babies so as to leave no evidence. Julie fights back.

RESOLUTION: Julie’s father and police break into The Facility and free Julie. Something she said rang true.

– Julie’s father, the police and ambulances arrive. The Caretakers will be debriefed. Infants taken to shelter, coma patients evaluated/released/hospitalized. Julie and her baby go home with her father.

Mystery18: But what will happen to the transhuman infants?

[Tina Howe]

What I learned is it’s too early to know exactly which life-threatening situations I’ll use and which I won’t, so I didn’t eliminate any possibilities, but I very well understand the value of this exercise. This list will grow and evolve as the story develops.

Tina’s Life-threatening Sequence Brainstorm

1. What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?

Villain’s Plan: The A.I. Villain uses comatose women as surrogates to illegally create transhuman beings that will one day rule the world.

– Julie’s baby could be harvested at any moment.

– The C-section is to be performed while Julie’s awake.

– Julie’s baby will be taken away and turned into a transhuman.

2. What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain?

– To continue the charade that she’s still comatose.

– When Caretaker Peters discovers Julie’s awake, he threatens to report her to The Operator unless she helps him.

– Caretaker Peters asks Julie to help him escape.

– Medical procedures performed on Julie when she’s awake.

– Torture by The Operator when Julie’s discovered.

– Julie has flashbacks to the accident in which she was driving, her mother was killed, and Julie ended up in a coma.

– Julie sneaks into The Operator’s office and discovers her plan.

– Peters threatens the life of Julie’s baby.

– Julie starts to have labor pains.

– The Operator kills Peters, Julie’s only ally.

– The Operator threatens to kill all the babies to leave no evidence.

– Julie kills The Operator.

3. From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story. These are sequenced (step 4).

1. People around them die or are injured. Julie has flashbacks to the accident in which she was driving, her father injured, mother killed, Julie ended up in a coma.

2. Trapped/Abducted/Arrested. Julie pretends to still be comatose.

3. Closeness to Villain. The Operator talks about Julie’s upcoming procedures.

4. Physical danger. Sometimes with much pain endured and knowledge of her condition,

5. Physical danger. Painful medical procedures performed on Julie when she’s awake.

6. Talking about the danger. Julie’s baby could be harvested at any moment.

7. Physical danger. Julie starts in with labor pains, the C-section will be performed while Julie’s awake.

8. Surveillance/watched: Caretaker Peters discovers Julie’s awake and threatens to report her to The Operator unless she helps him in some way (escape? Bring down The Operator?).

9. Other parties who want the Villain dead. Peters wants Julie to help him in some way (escape? Bring down The Operator?) (but can Peters be trusted?).

10. Closeness to Villain. Julie gets into The Operator’s office and discovers her plan. The Operator catches her, puts her in shackles.

11. Danger to someone they know. Julie’s baby will be taken away and turned into a transhuman.

12. Closeness to Villain. Torture by The Operator when Julie’s discovered.

13. People around them die or are injured. The Operator had suspected Peters, Julie’s only ally, and kills him.

14. Danger to someone they know. The Operator threatens to kill Julie’s baby.

15. Physical danger. Julie escapes the O.R., The Operator and other health workers and security guards in pursuit.

16. People around them die or are injured. The Operator threatens to kill all the babies to leave no evidence.

17. Physical danger. Julie kills The Operator.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tina Howe.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tina Howe.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tina Howe.

[Tina Howe]

What I learned is that sequencing a brand-new mystery concept is much more difficult than watching a movie and sequencing it. You really should do considerable character development before attempting this more in-depth list. It’s a start.

1. What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up? The Operator is A.I. running a secret transhuman infant-selling ring.

2. How many ways can they cover that secret? She takes away newborns she says have died.

3. The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it. Julie Doe must remember who she is and escape.

4. Tina’s Mystery Sequence:

Mystery 1: What is The Facility and why is ‘Julie Doe’ here?

– Comatose patient Julie Doe wakes.

– She’s surprised she’s pregnant.

– Julie can’t remember who she is.

– Her door is locked from the inside, unlocked from the outside.

– She scrutinizes her face in the mirror, looks old to herself.

– She hears women screaming and is fearful to reveal she has awakened.

– Julie pretends to still be comatose.

– Caretaker Peters (Red Herring) is cruel, gives orders to the staff, and appears to be running things.

– Peters and the other Caretakers on their daily rounds believe Julie’s still comatose. They’re only concerned with Julie’s baby.

– One of the Caretakers thinks Julie’s brainwaves are too active but Peters ignores this.

– The suspicious Operator observes Peters’ activities and makes notes.

– A large number of newborns die.

– Why does Peters so readily take responsibility for newborn “deaths?”

– The Operator doesn’t show any true feelings.

– Where does the Operator take the tiny bodies?

Mystery 2: What is Caretaker Peters hiding?

– The Operator claims the facility needs to show more successes and zero losses.

– Julie begins to remember who she is.

– Now in her 30s, Julie had the car crash that put her in a coma at age 18.

– Julie has labor pains.

– She must find a way to contact her parents, if they’re even still alive.

– Peters discovers that Julie is awake, acts like he doesn’t know, and leaves her door unlocked.

– Julie thinks it’s a trap, is afraid to venture out, but finally does.

– There are surgery rooms.

– There are many comatose patients.

– Rooms full of infants.

– The Operator has Peters and the Caretakers locked in their rooms, too.

– There seem to be no doors out of the building. Even the breakaway fire doors are locked.

Mystery 3: Who is The Operator, really?

– The Operator is “never about the money, it’s about being of service.”

– The only way out of the building is through the guarded front door.

– Julie sneaks into the offices looking for a key, key card, phone, etc.

– Julie finds emails coming in from purchase requests with specifications for exactly which kind of transhuman infant they’re looking for.

– Julie has worse labor pains and takes steps to keep her baby safe.

– Julie hides and when the Operator comes in Julie watches her plug into electronics and go “offline”.

– Julie finds rooms with the “dead” newborns plugged into A.I. technology; DNA splicing, electronic implants, etc.

– Peters confesses that the Operator is A.I. posing as a human and is creating trans-human infants.

– The Operator had threatened to kill his family if he didn’t cooperate.

Mystery 4: Will the Operator kill Julie and take her baby?

– Under threat of The Operator killing his family, Peters was reported missing and joined The Facility.

– The Operator learns of Julie’s recovery.

– Desperate Julie finds The Facility’s address and finds a way to call outside.

– Her father answers but thinks it’s a cruel prank. She gives him the address. She says something (about the accident, about her mother) that should pique his interest, but he doesn’t and hangs up on her.

– The Operator finds out and Peters covers for Julie’s awakening.

– The Operator kills Peters.

– The Operator tracks down Julie.

– Julie finds an escape route.

– Julie kills The Operator.

– Julie’s father, the police and an ambulance arrive. The rest of the Caretakers are set free.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tina Howe.

[Tina Howe]

What I learned is:

– The villains’ plan needs to be as strong as the hero’s

– The villain needs to be good at fooling everyone and covering their evil

– The villain has a strong need to succeed

– The villain is stronger than and one step ahead of the hero

– The villain sees themselves as the real hero of the story

– The villain is brilliant

Tina’s Villain Has a Great Plan!

1. What is The Operator’s end goal?

· Using comatose women as breeders, The Operator, A.I., is creating transhuman children to rule the world

2. How can The Operator accomplish that in a devious way?

· Force human healthcare workers to follow her rules

· Keep her secret from the corporation

· When healthcare workers get too close to the truth, supposed ‘infant deaths’ are blamed on them and they’re fired

· She kills whistleblowers with no family to protect through devious means

3. How can The Operator cover it up? Sequenced.

· Act like she cares about the patients, show emotion when one dies, etc.

· Makes it appear that head OB/Gyn Caretaker Peters is making medical mistakes

· Reprimand Caretaker Peters at every opportunity

· Threaten Peters’ job

· Threaten Peters’ family which contacts Peters to let him know

· Threaten Peters’ life

· Lie to the corporation about progress – the corporation is about selling infants but her objective doesn’t align with theirs

· Lie that infants are dying at birth or miscarrying

· Ship the infants who survive to her secret facility

· Hide her Transhuman Project from the corporation whose goal is to make money selling them to wealthy people

· Dispose of infant bodies and mother patients before inquiries can be completed

· Lie that the system has gone awry and blame it on Peters

· Kill Peters once she no longer needs him or

· Kill Peters when she learns he tried to help Julie escape

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tina Howe.

[Tina Howe]

Assignment 1: Tina’s BI Stacking Suspense

List of the things I learned about Thrillers:

– Nothing is subtle as far as what people say and what they want. It’s in your face all of the time. There’s actually not a lot in the way of subtext. Maybe it’s because in the early ‘90s subtext wasn’t as big a requirement in a script?

– Every scene needs questions for the audience to pursue the answers too, whether it be something about a character, a mystery, a set-up, a pay-off that leads to another question, etc. I can see where the table will help come up with the thriller components.

– The story needs to get started quickly and let pertinent backstory come out over time through escalations, new mysteries, etc.

– The story needs to hold the viewer’s interest from start to finish, which this did.

– The end needs to satisfy the journey of this story. This ending gave us a bonus, as it left the future hanging which was interesting and also made you continue to worry about the hero. Or, maybe Catherine just likes the thrill of knowing the ice pick was under the bed, adding to her thrill of sex in that she holds his life in her hands.

Assignment 2: Tina’s SOTL Stacking Suspense

List of the things I learned about Thrillers:

– Precautions and rules given to the hero gives direction to the reader/ audience and a heads-up to what’s coming which is the breaking of those rules by either the hero or villain, probably both.

– Question after question arises that the hero must figure out.

– The hero and villain are flip-sides of the same coin.

– The character makes some progress but usually faces overwhelming odds that they must find a way out of.

– Misleads equal twists in character or story which invite participation by the reader/audience as they try to think ahead to figure out what comes next or the “who done it”. When things don’t work out the way the reader thinks they will, and it’s a good twist, they’re delighted that the writer was able to stay one step ahead of them.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tina Howe.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tina Howe.

[Tina Howe]

What I learned doing this assignment is that many ideas for this story came up during this task, so I started a list of possible things to include. I realize these are just ideas with none are cast in stone.

THE CATALOG’s World and Characters!

CONCEPT: A pregnant woman wakes in a secret long-term coma facility and must escape before The Operator hunts her down and kills her.

BIG M.I.S.:

Big Mystery: How long has my heroine been in the Facility, who put her here, why is she pregnant, and how does she get out?

Big Intrigue: Who’s running a Facility that uses women as ‘breeders,’ and why?

Big Suspense: If my heroine doesn’t escape, she’ll be put back into a coma to be used as a breeder for the rest of her ‘useful’ life.

Intriguing World: A coma facility run by corrupted technology.

Characters

Heroine: Julie Doe

A. Mystery: How come she can’t remember who she is and why can’t she leave?

B. What is the intrigue of this character? She continues to make believe she’s in a coma until she’s found out.

C. What is the suspense of this character? Will she finally escape, come clean that she’s awake, or be disposed of?

Red Herring: Caretaker Peters

A. What is the mystery of this character? Why does he do such cruel things to the patients?

B. What is the intrigue of this character? His brow is always sweating; what is he hiding?

C. What is the suspense of this character?

Villain: The Operator

A. What is the mystery of this character? Who put this cruel woman in charge and why?

B. What is the intrigue of this character? Is she human or machine?

C. What is the suspense of this character? Who will she kill next?

[Tina Howe]

What I learned doing this assignment is:

The Big Mystery is the question the hero asks and pursues an answer to.

The Big Intrigue is the hero’s pursuit to figure out and destroy the villain’s plan.

The Big Suspense is the main danger the Hero experiences and how can they possibly survive?

‘The Catalog’ Big M.I.S.

Logline: A pregnant woman wakes in a secret long-term coma facility and must escape before The Operator hunts her down and kills her.

1. What are the conventions of my story:

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: A woman in her 30s wakes from a coma in a long-term medical Facility 15 years older and pregnant.

Dangerous Villain: The A.I. Facility Operator is in the business of providing designer babies to the wealthy.

High stakes: The Heroine and her unborn baby will either be killed trying to escape or be put back into a comatose state.

Life and death situations: Escape from her room; pretending to be in a coma after she wakes; keeping her mental state stable knowing she’s been in the Facility for 15 years; how did she get here? Are her parents still alive? Near-term delivery during her escape; being captured by the Operator once it’s discovered she’s awake.

This story is thrilling because? We never know if she’s going to be caught, killed, tortured, lose her baby, or be treated like a caged animal; basically, the Facility “owns” her, her family doesn’t know she’s alive, and she has no rights.

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of my story:

Big Mystery: How long has she been in the Facility, who put her here, why is she pregnant, and how does she get out?

Big Intrigue: Who’s running a Facility that uses women as ‘breeders,’ and why?

Big Suspense: If she doesn’t escape, she’ll be put back into a coma to be used as a breeder for the rest of her ‘useful’ life.

[Tina Howe]

‘Coma’ (1978) Thriller Conventions – written by Michael Crichton

What I learned doing this assignment is, no matter how old the script, a great structure is still a great structure. I found that it’s still quite thrilling. I also like that the character pushed for her rights as a person back in 1978 (this was adapted from a novel written in ‘77) which is part of why she pushed to find out the truth of the situation and also made the story seem “current”.

The reason I rewatched this after many years is because my script’s concept involves the state of coma.

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Susan, a surgeon, presses to learn the medical truth of how her best friend ended up in a coma and then died, then finds an even deeper meaning beyond the medical. Even though her boyfriend tells her she’s cold (not human), it’s her humanity that allows her to succeed.

Dangerous Villain: The chief whom Susan regarded as a father figure is the one running the organ-harvesting ring along with other cooperative medical people (betrayal).

High stakes: She’s going to probably lose her job if she keeps probing but she does anyway. It’s life and death not only for Susan but for many patients who enter the hospital for the simplest of procedures and end up in comas.

Life and death situations: Susan is threatened by the chief to get fired; then she’s followed and chased; the maintenance guy gives her a clue and he’s murdered by the guy chasing Susan; then she’s shot at; her boyfriend thinks she’s delusional and it appears he’s a part of whatever’s going on (mislead/betrayal?); she’s chased through the coma institute by threatening medical people; she discovers that people are put into comas so their body parts can be harvested and auctioned for big money.

This movie is thrilling because? It’s non-stop between Susan finding one clue after another, following those clues, and you’re not sure who’s for/against her. Susan wants what she wants – relentlessly pursues her goal to get to the bottom of the mystery – and she doesn’t let anything stop her. I feared she’d end up in the coma and that institute, and she almost does.

Big Mystery: Why are so many patients becoming comatose during surgery?

Big Intrigue: How are the comas happening? The intrigue kept changing and escalating around this question.

Big Suspense: Is one of the people in on the organ-harvesting scheme going to catch and kill her? Worse, she ends up as a nearly comatose surgical patient. I was always rooting for Susan because her intentions were noble and she didn’t give up.

Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller? I like how in the beginning the writer took time to explain how the anesthesia process worked so we’d “understand” how the comas happened.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Tina Howe.

[Tina Howe]

I go by Tina Field Howe. Before I started screenwriting I wrote two sci-fi novels in a series and a children’s picture book. I’ve written 9 scripts that I would show to anyone and a couple of pilots, although features are my strength. I currently have a proof-of-concept in pre-production and am developing the feature with the producers alongside it. I hope the POC will shoot this spring/summer. I write in various genres such as thriller, sci-fi, comedy, romance, bio-pic and wrote an animated script for a producer. I think I’ve taken about every Screenwriting U course and have been to a few member events in LA which were a blast. Although I’ve written a couple of thrillers, my skills can always get stronger which is why I’m here. Something strange: I live in a haunted house. When I first moved it, things were in an uproar but we live together peacefully now.

[Tina Howe]

Tina Field Howe: I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Tina Howe]

Hi Mariannjely, would you like to exchange?