[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Anntares’ 7 Stages of Love
What I learned from doing this assignment: Interesting that the main structural elements of the story aligned easily with the 7 stages of love. Maybe because the 7 stages incorporate some of the same types of dramatic action that the overall structure of the script also embodies.
7 Stages of Love for Adam and Zari.

Note: I have interwoven with overall structure of the big story so they connect with the story I planned in Assign 3, changed as needed. Not sure the formatting will hold and I can’t figure out how to use the Forum commands for bold, italics and caps. Here’s the format – if it doesn’t hold and this integration of 7 Stages of Love with the Assignment 3 script structure, I can send a pdf.
– The names of the 7 Stages are in BOLD ALL CAPS, the description of the stage in regular.
– The names of the structural elements of the script are in Bold Italics

Act 1:
• Opening – Adam and Zari are working together in a college project to help very impoverished Afghan farmers
1.1 MEET-CUTE: Adam and Zari in college, working together to help impoverished rural Afghan farming people, appreciate each other’s warmth and directness with the poor, showing no class divisions. 1.2 ATTRACTION/FLIRTING: Adam and Zari actually allow themselves to touch hands, shocking the rural people who are horrified and delighted
2. DENIAL: They both tell the rurals it was an accident, give reasons why they would never be interested in each other. Adam: She wants to be a college teacher – high falluting, independent, who would want that? Besides, his family is proud to be Hazarra and Ismaili – would be very sad if he married into a group that hates their culture and ethnicity. Zari: All he cares about is starting a rights organization, getting a PhD – awon’t be a good husband and besides, her family would hate her marrying a minority Hazzara
• Graduation Day – 3. SEPARATION: their project is praised but the lovers are parting, cannot marry because they do not want to hurt their families, each from a different faith and ethnic Afghan culture, and Zari’s family is prejudiced against the husband. They will stay in touch by email – but never marry

• Inciting Incident –The US evacuates Kabul, the Taliban takes over the government and Adam puts a message into Linkedin asking people to tell rights organizations what is happening. An American woman sees it, but her friends warn her it might be from a terrorist trying to get into the US or just wanting money from her

• Turning Point –Adam refuses his opportunity to get on a plane to the US during the evacuation because he cannot bear to leave Zari alone to face the Taliban’s control. She is a college teacher of women’s history and rights… a good target for Taliban’s fears of women and need to dominate, lock them into their homes or extinguish them.

Act 2:
• New plan –4. FORCED TOGETHER Adam will ask Zari and her family if she can marry him because he will protect her… and they can only lock her in the home as the Taliban takes over their pharmacy, doctor’s office and they have no sources of income
• Plan in action – While his pro-democracy friends are trying to get on planes to the US, Adam drives out of Kabul towards Zari’s home while truckloads of bearded, armed Taliban men ride towards Kabul
• Midpoint Turning Point – – Taliban ransacks Adam’s office, finds out about his many pro-democracy actions and wants to kill him, puts him on the execution list

Act 3:
• Rethink everything – Adam and Zari try to live with his mother, but the Taliban is tracking them and they must find new shelters every night

• New plan – get visa out of Kabul with the help of their American and try to make a temporary life in Pakistan in bleak refugee conditions (no electricity for fan in heat, Pakistanis resenting Afghan refugees, etc. – the American’s support letter gets the visa 5. WORKING THROUGH ISSUES/DIFFERENCES. Adam is helping refugees, wants Zara to help. Zara wants him to help her look like the woman she was, feels desperate at leaving family to whatever the Taliban is doing.

• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – the American puts them in contact with a US general she started talking with on Linkedin who mobilizes many to help… but then he fails too. They will have to wait 3-4 years in squalor and danger, and Zara has a miscarriage… so they start applying to any country that will accept them, from Albania to Zambia, with support letters from their American 5. WORKING THROUGH ISSUES continues

Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Leading up to the climactic moment (I’m not sure what the dramatic climax will be) the policy of finalizing Afghan cases already in the US before those outside suddenly changes. 6 HATE/BETRAYAL/ALL HOPE IS LOST – in the promised land, finally in the US, but suddenly are faced with challenges they did not expect. They feel anger, despair. Adam takes a sweatshop job 3 days a week to pay for food and rent and tries to finish his dissertation on other days. But Zara is ill and has second miscarriage, and even start fighting not just disagreeing but…

• Resolution: … they persist. Life in America is tough but they rebalance, realize this gives them a base to help other Afghans, and they find ways to connect their original fantasies about American democracy with their love of the vision of what the country will be and commit themselves to becoming full Americans by helping to turn the vision of democracy more and more into reality. 7 LOVE HAPPENS. As they accept the new challenges of being in America, they stop arguing and instead become warriors together, they reconnect to their love… and have their first baby.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 4 weeks ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: to get original spacing back
• This reply was modified 9 months, 4 weeks ago by  Tita Beal Anntares.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Anntares’ Big Story
What I learned from doing this assignment:
• These questions, building on the earlier concept/character thinking, are midwifing the story without months of anguished blind writing/rewriting
• Thankful I took SU’s courses, particularly the rewrite course
• Interesting that I could keep with the Big Story until the Climax/Resolution… then I had to focus on the two characters within overall events
Note – to give some context if anyone skims this: This is based on an actual journey I took from my living room with two Afghans escaping death by Taliban. When I have a clear dramatic story outlined, I will interview them to find out if I an align my guesses with their world views… or write it as a story I made up.
1. Ideas for a bigger story.
• A. What interesting world could this movie/show be set in?
o Afghanistan before and after the US evacuated and the Taliban took over the government
o The Taliban is chasing down any pro-democracy Afghans
o It is difficult to get a visa out of Afghanistan
o Pakistan refugee areas are difficult and dangerous
o Creating a new life in the US is better than the Taliban but the streets are paved with pain and uncertainty for immigrants

• B. What major conflict could be happening?
Desperate Afghans, Adam and Zari, flee for their lives. Specific conflicts in the bigger world include all of these related ones:
o When the US evacuates, Afghans who continue to support the promise of democracy are in danger of imprisonment and torture or assassination
o The US will only consider cases of Afghans outside the US until they have finalized the thousands of cases of Afghans who got to the US during the evacuation… and therefore elected US leaders and rights organizations cannot help
o The backlog of Special Immigration Visas of Afghans in the US may take 3-4 years to finalize before Afghans’ cases outside the US can be considered for immigration
o Pakistanis resent Afghans who are taking up living space, food, supplies, specially after floods put Pakistanis in need of support, so they do not hire them and some actually harass, beat them… and the Taliban’s friends in Isis-k in Pakistan are helping to track and kill refugees from Afghanistan
o Living conditions in the refugee areas are bleak – no electricity for fans despite very hot temperatures

• C. What intriguing situation could these characters be engaged in?
o They need help because there are so many refugees that rights organizations are overloaded
o They are not only fleeing for their own lives but helping other refugees
o They have to find ways to persuade rights organizations to help them out of the millions who need help… so that they can help other refugees
o Adam puts an alert message into Linkedin and an aging American woman asks how she can help – support letters from an American can build the confidence of rights agencies that they are not helping future sleepers and terrorists get to America
o Their American helps them get a visa to Pakistan, then finds a way to connected with a US general who mobilizes help but fails and says it will be 3-4 years before the backlog of Afghans in the US is finalized and their situation cannot be considered because they are outside… but suddenly something happens…
2. Turn that bigger story into a 3-Act or 4-Act structure.
Act 1:
• Opening – the lovers are parting, cannot marry because they do not want to hurt their families, each from a different faith and ethnic Afghan culture, and Zari’s family is prejudiced against the husband. They will stay in touch by email – but never marry
• Inciting Incident – The US evacuates Kabul, the Taliban takes over the government and Adam puts a message into Linkedin asking people to tell rights organizations what is happening. An American woman sees it, but her friends warn her it might be from a terrorist trying to get into the US or just wanting money from her
• Turning Point – Adam refuses his opportunity to get on a plane to the US during the evacuation because he cannot bear to leave Zari alone to face the Taliban’s control. She is a college teacher of women’s history and rights… a good target for Taliban’s fears of women and need to dominate, lock them into their homes or extinguish them
Act 2:
• New plan – Adam will ask Zari and her family if she can marry him because he will protect her.
• Plan in action – While his pro-democracy friends are trying to get on planes to the US, Adam drives out of Kabul towards Zari’s home while truckloads of bearded, armed Taliban men ride towards Kabul
• Midpoint Turning Point – – Taliban ransacks Adam’s office, finds out about his many pro-democracy actions and wants to kill him, puts him on the execution list
Act 3:
• Rethink everything – Adam and Zari try to live with his mother, but the Taliban is tracking them and they must find new shelters every night
• New plan – get visa out of Kabul with the help of their American and try to make a temporary life in Pakistan – the American’s support letter gets the visa
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – the American puts them in contact with a US general she started talking with on Linkedin who mobilizes many to help… but then he fails too. They will have to wait 3-4 years in squalor and danger… so they start applying to any country that will accept them, from Albania to Zambia, with support letters from their American
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Leading up to the climactic moment (I’m not sure what the dramatic climax will be) the policy of finalizing Afghan cases already in the US before those outside suddenly changes. They get to the US but suddenly are faced with challenges they did not expect. They feel anger, despair, and even start fighting not just disagreeing… but they persist.
• Resolution: Life in America is tough but they rebalance, realize this gives them a base to help other Afghans, and they find ways to connect their original fantasies about American democracy with their love of the vision of what the country will be and commit themselves to becoming full Americans by helping to turn the vision of democracy more and more into reality – and their deepened love for each other

• This reply was modified 9 months, 4 weeks ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: First time I post, the assignment loses all spacing and appears in one text glob. When I edit and save, the spaces return

[Tita Beal Anntares]

ASSIGNMENT
Tita Anntares’ Big Story
What I learned from doing this assignment:
• These questions, building on the earlier concept/character thinking, are midwifing the story without months of anguished blind writing/rewriting
• Thankful I took SU’s courses, particularly the rewrite course
• Interesting that I could keep with the Big Story until the Climax/Resolution… then I had to focus on the two characters within overall events
Note – to give some context if anyone skims this: This is based on an actual journey I took from my living room with two Afghans escaping death by Taliban. When I have a clear dramatic story outlined, I will interview them to find out if I an align my guesses with their world views… or write it as a story I made up.
1. Ideas for a bigger story.
• A. What interesting world could this movie/show be set in?
o Afghanistan before and after the US evacuated and the Taliban took over the government
o The Taliban is chasing down any pro-democracy Afghans
o It is difficult to get a visa out of Afghanistan
o Pakistan refugee areas are difficult and dangerous
o Creating a new life in the US is better than the Taliban but the streets are paved with pain and uncertainty for immigrants

• B. What major conflict could be happening?
Desperate Afghans, Adam and Zari, flee for their lives. Specific conflicts in the bigger world include all of these related ones:
o When the US evacuates, Afghans who continue to support the promise of democracy are in danger of imprisonment and torture or assassination
o The US will only consider cases of Afghans outside the US until they have finalized the thousands of cases of Afghans who got to the US during the evacuation… and therefore elected US leaders and rights organizations cannot help
o The backlog of Special Immigration Visas of Afghans in the US may take 3-4 years to finalize before Afghans’ cases outside the US can be considered for immigration
o Pakistanis resent Afghans who are taking up living space, food, supplies, specially after floods put Pakistanis in need of support, so they do not hire them and some actually harass, beat them… and the Taliban’s friends in Isis-k in Pakistan are helping to track and kill refugees from Afghanistan
o Living conditions in the refugee areas are bleak – no electricity for fans despite very hot temperatures

• C. What intriguing situation could these characters be engaged in?
o They need help because there are so many refugees that rights organizations are overloaded
o They are not only fleeing for their own lives but helping other refugees
o They have to find ways to persuade rights organizations to help them out of the millions who need help… so that they can help other refugees
o Adam puts an alert message into Linkedin and an aging American woman asks how she can help – support letters from an American can build the confidence of rights agencies that they are not helping future sleepers and terrorists get to America
o Their American helps them get a visa to Pakistan, then finds a way to connected with a US general who mobilizes help but fails and says it will be 3-4 years before the backlog of Afghans in the US is finalized and their situation cannot be considered because they are outside… but suddenly something happens…
2. Turn that bigger story into a 3-Act or 4-Act structure.
Act 1:
• Opening – the lovers are parting, cannot marry because they do not want to hurt their families, each from a different faith and ethnic Afghan culture, and Zari’s family is prejudiced against the husband. They will stay in touch by email – but never marry
• Inciting Incident – The US evacuates Kabul, the Taliban takes over the government and Adam puts a message into Linkedin asking people to tell rights organizations what is happening. An American woman sees it, but her friends warn her it might be from a terrorist trying to get into the US or just wanting money from her
• Turning Point – Adam refuses his opportunity to get on a plane to the US during the evacuation because he cannot bear to leave Zari alone to face the Taliban’s control. She is a college teacher of women’s history and rights… a good target for Taliban’s fears of women and need to dominate, lock them into their homes or extinguish them
Act 2:
• New plan – Adam will ask Zari and her family if she can marry him because he will protect her.
• Plan in action – While his pro-democracy friends are trying to get on planes to the US, Adam drives out of Kabul towards Zari’s home while truckloads of bearded, armed Taliban men ride towards Kabul
• Midpoint Turning Point – – Taliban ransacks Adam’s office, finds out about his many pro-democracy actions and wants to kill him, puts him on the execution list
Act 3:
• Rethink everything – Adam and Zari try to live with his mother, but the Taliban is tracking them and they must find new shelters every night
• New plan – get visa out of Kabul with the help of their American and try to make a temporary life in Pakistan – the American’s support letter gets the visa
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – the American puts them in contact with a US general she started talking with on Linkedin who mobilizes many to help… but then he fails too. They will have to wait 3-4 years in squalor and danger… so they start applying to any country that will accept them, from Albania to Zambia, with support letters from their American
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Leading up to the climactic moment (I’m not sure what the dramatic climax will be) the policy of finalizing Afghan cases already in the US before those outside suddenly changes. They get to the US but suddenly are faced with challenges they did not expect. They feel anger, despair, and even start fighting not just disagreeing… but they persist.
• Resolution: Life in America is tough but they rebalance, realize this gives them a base to help other Afghans, and they find ways to connect their original fantasies about American democracy with their love of the vision of what the country will be and commit themselves to becoming full Americans by helping to turn the vision of democracy more and more into reality

Again, the easiest way to create your structure is to just fill in the blanks listed in #2 above. Don’t worry about being perfect. Just fill in what you can…and know the rest will come to you.
Have fun creating your bigger story and structure!
Hal

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: Every time I Reply and paste in my assignment, it shows up without any spacing and is impossible to read. But if I click edit and then save, the spacing holds. Need to let the Web Master know about this glitch... also every time I go to the forum to put in my assignment I am told I am not enrolled, etc. and have to fiddle... still not sure which click works

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Anntares’ RomCom Comedy – Characters
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT”
I don’t have to think it all out at once perfectly… I can riff, get in the zone, feel as well as think – and come back to these questions later.

EDITED CONCEPT (Note – this story is drama/Rom Com comedy not just Rom Com)
• TWO PEOPLE WHO BELONG TOGETHER: Adam and Zari meet in college and both strongly value people who help the more vulnerable and both embrace the opportunity brought by the US and NATO to turn their country into a democracy where people can elect leaders and treat each other as equal regardless of external identities
• HOW ARE THEY SEPARATED: When they graduate from college, they agree they must separate and go home to separate parts of their country because they do not want to hurt their families who are of different faiths and ethnic backgrounds – ones their families are each prejudiced against
• WHAT FORCES THEM TOGETHER: For about 5 hey have been building their own careers, with a few email contacts, each checking to make sure the other has not yet married – then the Americans quickly evacuate Kabul and the Taliban is moving into the government. Because of his work
(teaching Afghan soldiers in the US military well as founding a rights organization, completing all courses toward a PhD in good government with Delhi University, managing a pro-democracy candidate’s presidential election and coaching Mullahs to speak in public about the value of equal rights),
Adam can get on a plane to the US… but they are not married so Zari cannot get on his visa. Adam cannot bear the idea of leaving Zari, a professional college teacher who has taught women’s history and rights on a US government program and therefore is a target for the Taliban’s insecure rate. So instead of getting on a plane to the US, Adam gets in his car and races to ask Zari to marry him – and her family, terrified by the change in government, think she will be safer from the Taliban as a married woman so say yes
• ISSUES TO BE RESOLVED :
o ZARI:
 Had dreams of a royal-style wedding and assumed when she married, she would live a comfortable middle class life with good clothes, home, etc. Because she has given up her past life and family, friends for Adam, she wants him to show his love by giving her gifts, even if just roses, when they can’t afford anything. She also remembers friends who used to complain when a husband did not show tangible signs of love. She I s willing to live in a refugee area to survive rather than go back to Taliban, but gets upset when Adam ignores her desires and says he loves her just the way she is, without make up, good clothes or gold bracelets.
 She needs to learn – or remember – that she can be a teacher as a volunteer with refugees, not only when recognized by a university… and that the real treasure is a husband who values her for herself, not any externals… and that requires really accepting herself, not just claiming she has value in rebellion against the Taliban.
o ADAM:
 He married a professional woman – he knows she cannot get teaching positions, she can help him volunteer with refugees, not suddenly seem to become a dependant housewife. He becomes irritated if she buys make up instead of needed food. He wants her to act like a free, strong, professional woman. When she gets sick, he is mortified that he could not take good care of her as he promised. He feels ashamed when the situation and Zaris requests make him feel like the kind of unevolved husband he never wanted to be . And later when they are out of the refugee camp and safe in the US, he pushes her to try to find jobs, teaching or tutoring, not just stay at home, lonely.
 He needs to realize that when he tries to force her into his ideal image of what a wife should be, he is no different than a Taliban husband insisting his wife do/be what he wants her to do./be… and that he needs to value a person’s real agency/autonomy – a choice to stay home and be a mother is as valid as teaching. And to really support democracy’s promise of equal treatment, he needs to respect choices he may not like
o BOTH: when they realize, at different times, that what they love about US democracy is imperfect… and what they love about Afghan culture is imperfect – they each in difference ways learn their goal needs to be to continuously make improvements, not expect perfection
Characters
On Their Journey of Love:
• WHO IS SHE? Zari, with the support of her family, when the US and NATO countries arrived in Afghanistan, went to college, volunteered as a teacher with the poorest of the poor in rural areas and then got highly competitive jobs teaching women’s history and rights in a college and for a US program.
o Opening scene to show her character: TBD
• WHO IS HE? Adam welcomed the US troops into Afghanistan from the time he was 10 and his father sent him to pick melons so they could give vans filled with arriving soldiers a welcome meal. His older brothers signed up for the US and UK militaries – too young, Adam got a BA, founded a rights organization, started helping bring democracy to his country, even getting a PhD in good government until the Taliban found his dissertation research and started trying to kill him.
o Opening scene to show his character: TBD
• WHAT MAKES THEM LOVABLE?
o They sincerely want to help others less privileged
o They love the values of democracy – elected leaders not tyrants, equality, etc. … but when one tries to tell the other what to do/believe, they tease each other for not practicing what they preach
o They love what they know of America, but when try to act American, with warmth they force each other to stand up for their own Afghan culture/practices that often conflict with American styles
• WHAT ATTRACTS THEM TO EACH OTHER:
o Each loves the other’s ability to turn ideas about kindness and mercy into action for people less fortunate
o They both embrace the good aspects of democracy but also value the good aspects of their Afghan culture
• WHAT NEEDS DO THEY FULFILL FOR THE OTHER?
o To have a partner when thinking and living at the edge of the struggle for democracy
o Zari also needs Adam’s help when she sees imperfections without giving up
o Adam also needs Zari’s ability show him the joys of just being human in a family without having to take on all the responsibility of leadership 24/7 leader

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Anntares’ Rom Com Project – Lesson 1

What I learned doing this assignment
-How easy it is to get into the creative zone when using a template to start thinking about what will interest an audience about the key theme, character and stpry/plot
– Interesting challenge to merge Convention with specific Concept elements, e.g.: by weaving together the Conventions with Concepts.
– I like a purpose that is focused on the audience, not my stuff: “As a result of this RomCom/Drama, audience will experience falling in love again…and through comedy, feel better about their own relationships current or past” Each Convention will build this.
– I figured out why I needed to over-think this long assignment for myself: the SU questions brought out months of unconscious thinking – NO NEED TO READ OR SKIM THIS! I am not ready to select essentials and write succinctly!

Here’s my personal version of merged Conventions and Concepts (Titles/explanations of each are SU/Croasmun’s – I can't figure out how to put them in italics)
Three overall conventions that run through the story –
– THE JOURNEY OF LOVE (Two people go from J.1 their “meet-cute” to J.2 denial of love to overwhelming attraction to J.3 breaking up over differences to J.4 finally reuniting and experiencing the love of their life.)
– COMEDY (Relationship and personal issues are dealt with through humor. As we laugh at the embarrassing moments on the screen, the audience feels better about their relationships)
– ISSUES to be resolved along the journey to love: (Each person has an internal personal issue that must be resolved for them to truly be together. This requires personal growth for them to become a couple. Both have some internal issue they must resolve in order to have this relationship)
***
JOURNEY Part 1 and 2: 1. MEET CUTE BUT 2. DENIAL
Specific Convention – RELATIONSHIP SET-UP (From the moment of the “meet-cute.” we see the romantic future for the couple, even if they refuse to believe it. This setup allows the couple to deal with their issues while the audience yearns for them to be together.)
– Concept – Two People Who Belong Together (Similarities, shared values, chemistry, surprising shared background)
***

JOURNEY Part 3: BREAKING UP OVER DIFFERENCES:
– Specific Convention – SEPARATION (Either physically or because of a specific situation, something keeps this couple apart. It is this separation that causes the audience to yearn for them to come together.)
– Concept – How They Are Separated: (Something keeps them apart that they must overcome.)
***

JOURNEY Part 4. UNITING AND EXPERIENCING THE LOVE OF THEIR LIFE
– Concept – What Forces Them Together (An external situation or party that keeps them together long enough to build a relationship.)

LESSON #1: Instead of just listing and making notes for each convention and concept in a linear way, I’ve written notes on each convention and concept by using the above template with merged Conventions/Concepts:

Working Title – A LINKED-IN ESCAPE FROM TERROR
Prelim Pitch/Hook: When Americans evacuate Kabul, Adam and Zari, two young pro-democracy Afghans, put out a cry for help on Linkedin – Come join them on their journey with the elderly American who helped them escape death by Taliban without leaving her apartment.

Genre: RomCom/Drama – based on writer’s experience from August 2021 March 2023 and resent. This will be a Stage Play for community and university theaters. Could be screenplay but for my own work, I am starting with a stage play… might try scene outline for both stage and screen stories. NO NEED TO READ THIS ASSIGNMENT! It is over detailed because the SU template categories triggered a flood of thoughts and memories from my 3 years supporting the journey of the two main characters – and I didn’t want to lose details as they bubbled up in my mind. Was it Shaw who apologised for not having enough time to write a short letter?

LESSON 1.1
Conventions: JOURNEY Part 1. MEET and Part 2. DENIAL (also two more [parts related to the Journey)Specific Convention – RELATIONSHIP SET-UP; Concept – Two People Who Belong Together:

As two students, Adam and Zari, have been assigned as partners on a final college project to help impoverished Afghan farm women learn their rights and how to survive impact of climate change. They have seen each other across classrooms, and picked up vibes, but this is the first time they were assigned to the same project. Each one really appreciates the other’s caring and commitment – but they force themselves to make it very clear to each other that they are only colleagues, never could be anything else.

They both welcomed the US and European countries who are helping Afghanistan become a democracy with elected leaders and equal rights…
…but not if that means they would hurt their family by associating with someone from a different faith and ethnic group. And their love for their parents makes it impossible for them to think about a personal friendship, and certainly not about romance, despite the chemistry and their shared goals, values and respect for each other’s different background.

Possible sources for COMEDY:
– Each time they try to say something positive about the other, they quickly have to explain they are just college students on a project, not friends or… their vociferous denial that they were going to say “more” – can’t even think about it.
– Zari gets dressed up with make-up each time she meets Adam for their project work – Adam says she’s overdressed. Zari makes up reasons/Adam teases her about inappropriate dress for such a poor community.
– When Adam starts lecturing the very poor women his hopes for democracy in Afghanistan and their rights as human beings, the women become frightened – too free, to terrifying – and Jesta has to lighten him up to save the project, try to translate for him by turning his high sounding politics into basic needs in the women’s homes and community.
– The impoverished women may become nervous when some of their curious or suspicious men in their lives – and Adam and Zari turn the conversation into a funny parody of how crazy anyone would be to want elected leaders every few years and equal rights… but in ways that make even the men think maybe democracy sounds fair and consistent with the teachings of the Prophet.
***

LESSON 1.2
Conventions: JOURNEY Part 3. BREAKING UP OVER DIFFERENCES and throughout COMEDY. Specific Convention – SEPARATION. Concept – How They Are Separated:

At their graduation, Adam receives his Masters degree, Zari receives her BA and they celebrate the success of their project in what they think is the last time. Partly why they like each other is they know neither would want to hurt their family by marrying into the wrong faith, culture and ethnic group.

Besides, they tell themselves and each other, they will be busy – Adam wants to start a legal and environmental rights organization and get his PhD in good government so that he can launch his career before supporting a wife and family. He will also manage a pro-demcracy candidate’s presidential campaign and coach Mullahs how to discuss the value of equal rights as part of the original teachings. In addition he will teach for the US military to help Afghans understand interactive Western-style education with the need to ask questions, practice, get feedback and een challenge the instructor so they will succeed… instead of sitting quietly and obediently waiting to be told what to memorize. Zari asks why he is overloading his schedule – he says he has to build a career so he can provide for a future wife…

Zari feels rebuffed, unaware he means her, and she counters with all her busy plans – many teaching jobs, thanks to her parents’ support of education for their daughters. And even a big opportunity to work in a US program teaching women’s history and rights. They part, Adam to go home to Kabul, the major city and Zari to her rural village and jobs teaching poor women… but she decides to check social media regularly to find out if Adam has married and as she leaves, we see her avoiding eligible men who are already targeting her as their bride.

Possible Sources for COMEDY: Other graduates interrupting their conversation, guys clearly wanting to arrange a marriage with Zari’s parents and women wanting to be bold enough to go out to a movie alone with Adam – the others joke that they are fair game because they can’t marry each other- too principled. Their different reactions to the early bird bidders. Maybe they come to each other’s defense… maybe tell the would be suitors horrible things about the other, to make sure they don’t get married.
***
LESSON 1.3
Conventions: JOURNEY Part 4. UNITING AND EXPERIENCING THE LOVE OF THEIR LIFE and COMEDY throughout.
Concept – What Forces Them Together:

– They are both living their lives well. Adam has completed all courses for his PhD from Delhi University online and recently was hired to manage security at the US Embassy, starting mid-August, in addition to his other work. Zari has won a job teaching women’s history and rights for a major US agency, against huge competition… and both are fending off marriage possibilities, checking each other on social media… sometimes sending an innocuous, guarded email or an impersonal warning about the political dangers of government corruption, angry Afghan soldiers without needed supplies, the mobilizing of the Taliban to take back the government in Kabul that they ruled before bin Laden hid out in a cave in their. Mountains and organized the strike against New York City and DC… Adam and Zari each become ecstatic when they get a simple answer, like “Thanks” or “Yes I saw that.”
– Adam gets a strange email from the US Embassy saying the start date for his new job will be delayed because of “issues” – he soon hears the entire Embassy has closed down and he is shocked that Americans are evacuating Afghanistan. Suddenly the Taliban takes over the government and Afghan soldiers flee because their corrupt government has stolen the money that would have got them weapons, protective gear, meals.
– Because Adam worked for the US military he has a special immigration visa for the US and could get on an evacuating plane. But he does not. He is not married to Zari so she cannot come with him on his visa and he cannot bear the thought of leaving her, a professional woman, to her fate with the Taliban…
– So Adam gets in his car and drives past vans and truckloads of bearded, armed Taliban forces coming into Kabul, arrives at Zari’s home, asks the men in her family for the right to marry and protect her because, as a professional woman employed – they had been against their marriage when they got wind of the attraction. But their world is crashing. They let them marry. Her mother helps set up a fast, bare minimum wedding – although Zari had dreamed of a full Afghan wedding with specially made gowns, music, banquets, etc…. everything the Taliban will soon be banning again.
– When they get to Adam’s home in Kabul, they have a few days with his mother – who is delighted to have a daughter in law to do her cleaning and cooking for family dinners of 30-40 people each day.
– But soon Adam finds out the office of his rights organization has been ransacked by the Taliban, who found and trashed his research PhD dissertation (comparing the value of building democracy in the 2000s vs. cruel Taliban government in the 1990s) Rather than settling into marriage, Adam and Zari now must find different shelters over night. He puts a warning in Linkedin, asking readers to alert global rights organizations about what is happening – and his fear for anyone who was working to turn the vision of a democracy with equal rights and election of leaders with rule of law not rule of tyrants.
– An elderly New Yorker – maybe a June Quipp or Maryann Plunkett type of actress – responds, asking how she can help. They ask her to write support letters to help them get to safety so they can help other Afghans not end up dead or in prison. At first they are afraid she might be a spy… and her NY friends warn her they may be con artists or terrorist sleepers trying to get to America to finish the job – something she understands because she had worked on the 101-105 floors of World Trade One until March 2001. But they decide to trust each other after emails and online meetings.
– A series of challenges begins – with the New Yorker writing support letters to rights organizations to get a visa to Pakistan, selling all their belongings, including their laptop, to hire a guide through the mountain passes, making it alive to Islamabad by March 2022. The New Yorker helps them get a latop and the next step is to ask US elected leaders to help get their special visa out of the backlog that might keep them in the refugee camp for years, and even when the New Yorker sees a major US General on tv, telling people not to forget the Afghans who believed our promise of democracy and now may die for it.
– The New Yorker finds him on Linkedin, thanks him and says she is trying to help two. She almost falls off her chair when he replies in less than an hour and starts mobilizing No One Left Behind to help… but even he hits a dead end because all the cases of Afghans who reached the US must be finalized before any cases outside the US… with some embarrassment, he says it will be several years in the refugee camp until the backlog ends… while ISIS-k helps the Taliban hunt down pro-democracy activists in Pakistan… Next step in the journey is filling out applications to every country welcoming Afghan refugees from Albania to Zambia, with recommendations from the New Yorker… but those countries have filled up with desperate – and white Christian – Ukrainians.
– Through all this Adam and Zari are using their laptop to help about a thousand other Afghans use their laptop find safe havens and figure out the immigration rules for each possible location. They are living in hot humid weather, no air conditioning, often no electricity for fans, and Zari is getting sick. Adam is remorseful for promising to protect her but unable to do do anything.
– But a month after the General says it would take years until all cases of Afghans in the US were vetted, suddenly the US changes that policy to allow consideration of pro-democracy Afghans outside the use. The General ignores the New Yorker’s thank you in case he pulled some behind-the-scenes levers… but paper work moves quickly and in March 2023, Adam and Zari get to an airport safely without any Taliban trackers, and arrive in the US after a 29 hour flight.
– Their New Yorker meets them and during a long lay-over, they play together from 3 am until 6 am in Times Square, empty of cars and people except for some police, but night lights are blazing. They drive around all the famous buildings returning to JFK in time for their plane and settle in Virginia near Adam’s older brother, a US army veteran relocated a few months earlier. They embrace the challenges of immigration, Adam working 15-hour days on Fri-Sun so he can look for good jobs and finish his PhD thesis during the wee -and continue to try to help other pro-democracy Afghans, including three who are fleeing Taliban assassination because they had converted to Christianity. Their New Yorker visits them for July 4 2023… and a year after arriving in the US, they welcome their first child in March 2024.

Possible Sources for COMEDY: TBD -Maybe their vision for their life together and their love for the promise of democracy vs realities… swings from anger at unexpected negatives to determination to make it better.
***

LESSON 1.4
Convention: ISSUES each must Resolve – throughout all the above conventions and concepts: small signs when they meet and are separated, growing stronger when they are forced together and their situation becomes dire… then even stronger when they are safe and settled. The issues will also be grist for COMEDY.
– Initial thoughts about Adam and Zari’s Issues and how each one needs to grow to connect deeply with their love. Throughout their escape and first year in America, personal issues arise:
o Zari: main personal issue to resolve for them to be fully together: She does not need external, material things to validate her worth or as proof of a man’s deep love for her.
 She feels she has given up everything for Adam – home, family, friends, career and country. She finds herself demanding “things” and attention from Adam, blaming him, comparing him to husbands of friends in the past who had well-paying jobs and can give gifts. She is all conflicted – wants to be taken care of but also respected as an educated, successful professional woman… but neither are working in the desolate refugee camp or later in the US where she feels very insecure.
 She grows emotionally as she realizes her negative reactions come partly from fear – she does not know how to connect as a teacher in refugee camp (but starts to join Adam in helping fellow refugees learn about immigration rules in safer countries And later in the US country where despite her licenses in teaching English are useless because she has trouble understanding Americans and speaking in aways they can understand.
 She needs to learn the value of her husband’s love and acceptance for herself – the good reason for his put-downs or teasing when she uses a lot of make-up, attempts to have elegant clothes (using money for fabric when they need money for food), fancy hair-do or other decorations… And, when she realizes she loved teaching and the respect it gave her, instead of being angrily conflicted, she starts thinking about how to prepare to rebuild her career in the future, after parenting – or even get new skills to help earn money part time. She learns there’s a difference between reverting to the old customs for women to stay at home that she once rejected and rebelled against – and choosing joyfully to stay at home to care for a baby and still pan for a professional future where she also contributes to society. And that wanting to be a full time wife and mother is not a regression to Taliban control, just because that’s what they want women to do.

o Adam: main personal issue to resolve for them to be fully together:
 Adam thought he had married a professional woman… wants Zari to help him serve fellow refugees and use a laptop their American bought for them to find resources. He becomes irritated by her use of food money for make-up, her pressure for clothes and jewelry.
 He needs to learn to give comfort when someone is acting like the materialistic people he can’t tolerate, learn that what she does may reveal her insecurity and fear, not materialism.,.. and value a woman who really wants to be wife and mother, not professional or to accept her fears…but he will learn that he can be a totally modern pro-democracy professional, someday with a PhD and teaching or leadership position… AND appreciate his wife’s desire to be cared for, be a wife and mother. Accept that sometimes and in some ways we can focus on family, not have to save the world to have value. Just because the Taliban locks women up and denies any other aspects of themselves than family and home, free women can have whatever education and employment are prepared forum they , but also have the freedom choose to focus on the home, particularly when they have young children, and prepare for future careers more slowly… and people who believe in true equality give the same respect for raising young human beings that a high level professional, Phd Professor or political leader would have.
***
The above types of issues build through their journey and, although they sound serious, can become generators of comedy and opportunities for the couple to shift from arguing to laughing at themselves and remembering the love each other even if not the same… specially because they share values but are very different individuals… and need to let each other be,

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: To deal with the fact that when I hit Reply all the careful spacing/formatting for easy reading vanished
• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: The first time I hit Reply my assignment lost all my careful spacing/formatting for easy reading. So I put in my email in case anyone wanted to read a pdf with bold, italics and spaces tseparate paragraphs, sections... but then when I hit Reply again, the assignment had its spaces back. We'll see if the formatting holds this time
• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: fix some typos I caught and computer-babble that showed up when I used an apostrophe (Adam's)

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tell us the following:
1. Name. – Tita Anntares

2. How many scripts you’ve written – I'm a stage play writer and my plays are more active and less talky thanks to Screenwritingu's ProSeries50, MSC4 and many specialised courses. I've written 3 full length scripts, each has won at least one contest and placed well in others… but except for staged zoom readings during covid, no productions… the producer who was going to produce one of my plays as soon as the shutdown ended was shutdown himself, dying of stomach cancer, probably because he didn't check symptoms when medical offices were high risk for covid. Also several short ones.

3. What you hope to get out of the class: I helped two Afghans escape the Taliban by writing support letters and want to figure out how to strengthen the story of their journey with their romance so it's deeper, more human than their frightening escape.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you: As you can see in #3 above, I jump into the world even if I rarely move out of my home to do that… or what about this – I was a freelance puppeteer in NYC, giving interactive puppet shows to kids in homes that ranged from duplex Park Ave apartments with servants greeting me to a low income housing project for a one year old but really for all the young parents.

We look forward to working with you all!

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Tita Beal Anntares.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Anntares – Yes I agree to the terms

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Precise Description – 18

What I learned

– This course has walked me through different ways to check my story and vision, make sure they are insync or change the beats, events, character interactions to align with the main story – or change the main story

– I have ended up with my script peppered with notes in bold about revisions to make from this analysis

– I also want to go back over my Assignments 1-17 to find revision ideas that still are valid (some may have evolved, changed or become irrelevant based on later assignments

– I can also describe the overall story much more clearly and easily… not just because of the useful strategy of writing revision notes for the Outline, rather than jumping into each specific revision and risking losing sight of the forest for the trees.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Hi – I completed assignment 17 but no assignment 18 in my email. When I click on #18 in Classes, it’s blank. (And by accident, as I was seeking a way to activate 18, I accidentally hit “completed.”

My schedule is overloaded…

(with two Afghans I helped escape the Taliban and landed in Richmond Va but need guidance for getting a job, a Greek American house guest waiting for a series of cancer diagnosis specialists so I gave her my bed and I’m on couch, a day-job consulting gig ready to start in 2-3 weeks, a stage director waiting to schedule time to give feedback on my revised script and oh yeah, plumbers, a blocked email password after a virus, fending off a would-be lover who seems very insensitive, etc)

…so I’m trying to get through the assignments and start an intense revision of my stage play based on this excellent course before I’m deluged more.

Tita (Beal) Anntares

PS And I really need help with directions. I write what I see in my mind and get yelled at by playwriting course leaders. Loved the video on how to look for the essence and cut paragraph to sentence, phrase to word. I needed SU assignment guidelines not just the solid examples on the video, (e.g., 1) the what/why of the assignment, 2) annotated examples of how others have done this, 3) sample assignment, 4) clear step by step instructions.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Key Scene Improvements(17)

What I learned from this assignment:

· The distinction between “purpose” of a scene and a summary of “what happens” is very important. Too easy to overintellectualize with the purpose so the script becomes stilted… and also too easy to get caught up in weaving an exciting, interesting story without connecting it to the purpose, from my as well as the characters’ points of view. The elements of a story may be very different depending on purpose. And even if story is full of sturm and drang, i.e. exciting, it is meaningless without purpose. The earlier SU lessons prepared us to think about action as it relates to meaningful connection to theme or characters as well as overall story. Thinking ouot loud…

· When I improve this current script and start the next, I need to keep in mind the key scenes that ground the structure of a story as I work out character/plot:

o Opening

o Inciting Incident

o Act I Turning Point

o Midpoint

o Act II Turning Point

o Climax

o Resolution

o Final Scene

Then review each of these and other scenes: For each scene:Determine the purpose and make sure it is fulfilled powerfully. Rewrite those scenes to be emotional and meaningful.Fill each scene with interest techniques (See lesson 9).

Question in case anyone reads these assignments: Does Assignment 17 includes this instruction:

“Go to each Reveal and make sure each of these is as strong as possible.

A. Create demand for the reveal.B. Deliver the reveal dramatically.C. The reveal changes things!”

Does that instruction assume that each key scene needs a reveal or that we should just find the reveals we have built based on the story in one or more of the key scenes?

Most valuable improvements made because of this assignment (for a stage play not filmscript):

· To get started, I made a chart with 3 columns: Key Scene: / <b class=””>Purpose: / Powerful? If not…: This process of going through my revision script, filled with notes from previous assignments and some changed scenes, helped me find and check the key scenes and list the other scenes in between them. (Chart available if interested)

· Act I Turning Point – I found a way to build in a reveal for a secret that was hinted at in an earlier scene.

· I changed the Midpoint – I had it too early in Act II, despite a twist with impact. But found a stronger place for a flip with impact later in Act II.

· I think Act II TP is similar to what other dramaturgs call the crisis – the main question/conflict of the story/theme becomes central – although we don’t know what will happen.

· Many of my scenes hold well but need more dramatic action or indirect reinforcement of theme

· By focusing on purpose, I see that many of my scenes should cut to the chase. Will have to work on that by double checking for purpose of some dialogue sections. After I found a scene and described its purpose I found myself scrolling fast through the dialogue thinking it was too much no matter how interesting or needed…I’ll comb through with purpose as well as meaningful action, character profile, etc.

The chart showing all key scenes and needed improvements (plus other non-key scenes listed between the key scenes) doesn’t copy to this system but it has now become a new version of the outline that I can work with

[Tita Beal Anntares]

16. Tita’s Character Intros/Exits

What I learned:

Excellent guidance for introductions and exits. And that my stage play has interesting intros and exits that fit the guidelines. They will be very useful for my next stage plays,

Examples: This is for a stage play not filmscript.

INTROS – the Protag and Antag are introduced first as actors who break the 4^th wall as the lights are going down. Next they are introduced as part of the storytelling in a Prologue that starts where the play as a story told by a tavern owner’s widow in 1794 with settlers moving West who will act out parts of the story for other settlers (audience) circled for the night.

PROTAG: Sam Adams, a quiet, unassuming man who listens, guides – and manipulates – people to do his political will by asking questions and showing respect to others – but he is guiding needed political action by giving people the sense that they came up with their own ideas and strategies.

INTRO AS ACTOR

· As actor, no costume, Sam slips onto stage as Dan – also as actor- is showing slides and quoting the praise that today’s militia members give to Shays Rebellion as justifying taking up arms against our elected government

· Sam joins the reciting of the praise but has slipped in a different slide showing the same quote but on the t-shirt that Timothy McVeigh wore the day he bombed innocents in Oklahoma in 1995

· Sam has infuriated Dan. The plays narrator shoos them backstage to start the play

INTRO Act I. Scene 1. 1781 (Type of Intro: Action)

· Sam Adams bolts out of a moving carriage because officers did not let him detour the carriage down to a tavern in order to celebrate victory with soldiers and camp follower who are former Boston mob leaders and farmers who signed up for Captain Daniel Shays’ regiment

· Sam spars with the African American Colonel who has chased him from the carriage and does wants him to get back in the carriage so he can return home from war of independence looking like a future leader not like the mastermind of the gangs of Boston that terrified people before the war

· Sam uses polite questions to respect whatever the officer and others want… but joyfully tricks the officer, getting him to return to the carriage so that Sam is free to join the foot soldiers and their camp followers who won their liberty from King and Parliament

EXIT Act II. Scene 7. 1793

· Sam comes out from his Inauguration party as Governor of the state of Massachusetts to deal with angry shouts about him and to stop a guard from arresting several of his former friends including Captain Daniel Shays who has been released from debtors prison

· Sam tries to reach out to his friends have turned against him, when he tries to reach out, they spurn him, almost knock him over – but, although the friendship is over, when Sam stops the arrest by asking for their promise that next time they disagree with the government they will choose voting over violence.

· As his wife Betsy tries to comfort him – despite agreeing with the friends – Sam is overcome with grief at losing the love of his beloved People but acknowledges he did not listen, let his anger and need to control what people do take over.

ANTAG: Captain Daniel Shays, a leader of high integrity who wants a peaceful life but also wants problems solved quickly and fairly… or else..

INTRO AS ACTOR:

· Daniel, as actor, rushes onto the stage to stop the house lights from lowering and warns the audience that the play is biased against today’s private armed militias who he says are patriots. He asks audience if their rights were in danger, wouldn’t they take up arms to protect our democracy? He shows slides and quotes Thomas Jefferson’s praise of Shays’ Rebellion.

· He becomes furious when his fellow actor Sam slips in and starts reciting the same quote – and has replaced his slide with one showing the same quote on the t-shirt that Timothy McVeigh’s wore the day he bombed innocents in Oklahoma in 1995

· He tries to explain to the audience that McVeigh was just one person and they can’t blame all people willing to take up arms to defend what they consider their democratic values rather than organize for the next election.

INTRO AS STORYTELLER. Prologue. 1795 (Type of Intro – Reactions to him)

· The same actor has become a drunk guarding a Native American who is tied by the neck to a covered wagon as settlers prepare for the night outside a ramshackle tavern in Sparta NY, across the border from Massachusetts.

· He tries to ignore the tavern owner’s widow who goads him to release the Native American, saying he is harmless, showed up with his wife and little one a few years ago during the “commotions” when Massachusetts men were shooting each other in the mid 1780s. Shays frees the Indian. Settlers run after their escaping captive, afraid he will warn his tribe and kill them before they reach a better life on the Ohio River.

· The tavern owner’s widow recognizes the drunk as Captain Daniel Shays, the leader of the Massachusetts rebellion now called “Shays Rebellion” that terrified the 13 nation states into proposing they unite under one Constitution in 1787. When the widow reminds Shays that she saw him meeting up with Sam Adams to celebrate victory – a memory that makes Shays double over, wretching.

INTRO: Act I. Scene 2.1781

· Outside the same tavern, Shays is gathered with his troop as soldiers and campfollowers squabble over who will be rich – but no one has money to buy a celebration drink of rum. Sam Adams, escaping through the woods from his carriage full of officers, arrives through the bushes, surprising all, to celebrate with soldiers. One soldier, a former leader of Boston’s South End mob, discovers a bag of spoils collected in night runs by another soldier, former leader of Boston’s North End mob.

· Shays tries to break up a fight over the spoils and who will be rich someday and able to Lord it over the others – and grab all Tory/Loyalist property because they supported King and Parliament when the British empire was depriving colonists of their rights as British citizens to govern and tax themselves through their elected representatives. Sam intervenes with a vision of a society of equals, each person getting respect, the right to vote, self-government, liberty. The troop laughs at him and escalates their dreams of being at the top of a rich, powerful hierarchy. Sam surprises them with his anger at wanting to become the new few that wants to dominate the many.

· Shays intervenes, reassures Sam they are actually afraid of returning home without pay for their years in service, just paper certificates of pay that may take years before they can be redeemed for money – Shays offer Sam all the spoils to help repay the debt so people can redeem their pay certificates as soon as possible – and the tavern owner’s widow offers them a keg of rum because she has seen too much war and killing, wants them to be able to celebrate

EXIT: Act II. Epilogue. 1795

· Outside the tavern, picking up exactly where the Prologue left off: The tavern owner’s widow is cleaning up the vomit off Shays who is in despair, mourning, and drunk as he sees settlers drag back the body of the Native American that he set free.

· The settlers, arguing over who killed him and who will bury him, explain to Shays they had to kill him so his tribe would not attack them when they move West.

· Shays hates the reasons, cannot again kill for a better life. Must be better way. He leaves the wagon train to stay with widow. Or her rum.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Meaningful Action

What I learned doing this assignment:

· A story that comes from historical events has a lot of ways to express meaning through related action. This exercise reminded me of a comment by a theater critic in a book (Walter Kerr?), you can have an entire battle going on stage with lots of active fighting but the audience will be bored if not hooked into characters and story.

· It’s a very valuable exercise to check each scene to understand it’s underlying, essential theme or idea or information about characters and articulate that… then look for ways to replace any generic action with action that aligns with, reflects, expands or deepens mood or level of plot, etc.

Analysis of Existing or Needed Action Aligned with Essence of Scene

I made a chart with 3 columns [SCENE #/Name…Essence/Meaning… Aligned Action]

· but this system cannot keep the format of a chart so if anyone reads this and wants to see it, I can email it to you. Most of my scenes had strong action (e.g., instead of just refusing to join an armed rebellion, farmers hogtie the rebel so he can’t join it either) but I strengthened some more fully

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Finally received lesson 13 in email (could not open it online)

Tita’s Elevated Scene Structures

What I learned from this assignment:

· Ways to strengthen scene structure: Chronological. Surprise. Suspense. Superior Position. Irony. Crucible. Twist. Mislead and reveal. Misinterpretation.Competitive Agendas. Investigation / Hiding

· Every scene in my play has one of the above attention-keepers

Current Scene Components:

With armed debtors and new rebels in closing courts to stop them from throwing neighbors into prison, Ruth, a conservative woman, mocks and shames Sam, the new progressive leader – once a rebel leader himself-for creating chaos not democracy. She tries to force him to sign an order that will allow police to arrest anyone just watching a court closing, even if just an observer. He is silent. Shamed.

Better Scene Structure

Beginning: Ruth comes in ranting, demanding, shaming Sam

Middle: Ruth mocks and shames Sam, the new progressive leader – once a rebel leader himself-for creating chaos not democracy. Demands he sign the Riot Act or else…

Ending: Sam grabs the document, says sure – he will sign it — because he is sure wealthy merchants have set up spies to agitate the poor debtors at all. He will catch her instigators – showing he is totally

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Elevated Scene Structures

What I learned from this assignment:

· Ways to strengthen scene structure: Chronological. Surprise. Suspense. Superior Position. Irony. Crucible. Twist. Mislead and reveal. Misinterpretation.Competitive Agendas. Investigation / Hiding

· Every scene in my play has one of the above attention-keepers

Current Scene Components:

With armed debtors and new rebels in closing courts to stop them from throwing neighbors into prison, Ruth, a conservative woman, mocks and shames Sam, the new progressive leader – once a rebel leader himself-for creating chaos not democracy. She tries to force him to sign an order that will allow police to arrest anyone just watching a court closing, even if just an observer. He is silent. Shamed.

Better Scene Structure

Beginning: Ruth comes in ranting, demanding, shaming Sam

Middle: Ruth mocks and shames Sam, the new progressive leader – once a rebel leader himself-for creating chaos not democracy. Demands he sign the Riot Act or else…

Ending: Sam grabs the document, says sure – he will sign it — because he is sure wealthy merchants have set up spies to agitate the poor debtors at all. He will catch her instigators – showing he is totally

[Tita Beal Anntares]

I just got an email with lesson 14 on meaningful action. I did not get an email for lesson 13. When I try to access I3 in classes, I see two 13 lessons, one on character and one on scene writing. And a notice to finish previous lesson (12) before I can have access to see the one or two assignments for 13. I guess 13 really is unlucky!

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Assignment 12 Tita’s Scene Ratings

What I learned

– Every scene for me seems highly entertaining – all with Intrigue, Curiosity/Anticipation and/or Emotion. But I’m writing the story so my ratings may just be my ego tripping. I controlled myself, didn’t give them all a 7-10 rating and tried to focus on one, not all, of the emotional, curious/anticipatory and intriguing aspects of each scene.

– I’m sure that in table readings I’ll find out parts of the script are boring to some or many people even if not to me. So I’ll need to be more aware of which of the three entertaining hooks is the main one in the scene in order to focus on what to strengthen. Where I gave middle level ratings, I will probably shorten the scenes as well as strengthen them… although maybe it’s okay to have some pauses/temporary plateaus before revving up.

Note to me – Key to Ratings: Entertainment Value from E1 (boring) to E10 (highly entertaining) – rating is based on the degree to which each scene evokes emotion, intrigue or creates curiosity/anticipation of future… based on my subjective bias as the writer. Question for Hal/SU: Where can we fit the 12 or 16 interest techniques from past courses? Maybe they fall under one of the 3 values – curiosity/anticipation, intrigue, emotion?

SAM’S RABBLE –Stage Play (not Filmscript)

Act I – Structurally, Act 1

Opening – E8 (Intrigue, Emotion) Two actors, Dan and Sam, rush out to stop the lights from going down. In front of a hand-painted backdrop, he warns the audience that the play is prejudiced against today’s patriotic groups like those on January 6 2021, in the tradition of Captain Daniel Shays who led an armed rebellion in 1787 to force the new nation of Massachusetts to protect their rights. But the other actor shows the same praise for armed rebellion on the t-shirt worn by our homegrown terrorist who bombed innocents in 1995.

Prologue –E5 (Curiosity, Emotion) Actress, putting on her costume to become tavern owner’s widow, stops their ranting, gives them jackets as costumes, starts the story, revealing a covered wagon with Native American tied by his neck to wheel and guarded by a drunk near Havens Inn, a ramshackle tavern. Settlers are gathering around a campfire. Widow Havens starts the story of why these veterans are leaving their new democracy to risk their lives in Indian Country. As she entices the drunk to free the captive before others kill him, she recognizes him as Captain Shays, amazed that only ten years ago this pathetic drunk could have terrified all 13 new nation states into uniting under one Constitution.

I.1. E4 (Curiosity) African American Colonel Middleton tries to stop Sam Adams from joining a troop of soldiers that includes former Boston gang members because he must return home looking like a future leader, not the head of the mobs, but Sam tricks him, rushes to his friends.

I.2. E5. (Emotion, Intrigue) Sam celebrates victory with his friend Captain Shays, telling the soldiers and camp-followers that they are equal now and as good as any Lord or Lady. Even Captain Shays may join the Society of the Cincinnati, a group planning to create a ruling group of Revoutionary War officers, other privileged men. Sam is shaken as he breaks up their fight over illegally stolen spoils and who will be richer more powerful than others – Structure: Inciting Incident for Sam who sees he cannot just assume democracy will happen.

Structurally, Act 2

I.3. E3 (Curiosity) Homecomings – the soldiers and campfollowers, even Captain Shays, return to debt, evictions and post war devastation.

I.4. E9 (Emotion, Curiosity) Sam and his wife Betsy reconnect after six years of war– sensual longing vs. need to catch up, e.g., Betsy’s political surprises. Love wins over politics.

I.5. E5 (Emotion, Curiosity) On their way into Masons’ memorial for James Otis, an early patriot, with Otis’ adopted Native American son, Sam and Betsy break up fight over a wagon between Mac and Swift, two former mob leaders, now jobless.

I.6. E8 (Emotion, Intrigue) To celebrate the first elections, Mac, determined to become rich and powerful has brought the wagon to country folk with Paris fashions, discarded by a ship captain because of mold. He swindles Shays and his wife and swindles everyone out of their army pay certificates – a celebration dance is interrupted by a call to help a neighbor being thrown into debtors’ prison, his family evicted from their farmhouse.

I.7.E8 (Intrigue) Ruth, the elegant Tory widow, tempts John Hancock into joining a “Society of the Cincinnati” for future leaders, maybe an American aristocracy… or more. Sam, warned by Otis’ son, interrupts the session, shaming Hancock.

Stage Play Act II – Structurally, Act 3

II.1. E8 (Emotion, Curiosity/Anticipation, Intrigue) Shots ring out. Swift, jobless, takes out his anger on Otis’ Native American son then African-American Colonel Middleton who has his tailor shop back. Sam puts his body in front of the gun.

II.2. E6 (Emotion, Curiosity/Anticipation) Ruth Otis, the Tory widow, ridicules and shames Sam – his beloved People are closing courts at gunpoint, the new government can’t even get people to pay their debts and his precious democracy is a mob-o-cracy.

II.3. E7 (Emotion, Anticipation) Sam meets Shays in countryside to ask protestors to use the vote, not violence, but they humiliate him.

Structural Mid-point – Changes Sam’s trust in people

II.4. E10 (Emotion, Curiosity) Shays refuses to join rebels and with wife hog-tie rebel Job Shattuck to stop violence and wait to vote.

II. 5. E6 (Curiosity) Lt. Col. Solomon Bush is warning Sam and John Hancock that “General” Shattuck has armed men taking over a town. They must deploy the army or the Order of the Cincinnati will.

II. 6. E9 (Emotion, Curiosity/Anticipation) As Bush pays condolences for death of Sam’s son, Mac, drags in Shattuck, wounded. Sam tries to help but Shattuck lashes out against Sam.

II.7. E11 (Emotion) In their bedroom, against Betsy’s wishes, Sam decides he must call out the army to shoot or arrest and hang the insurgents. [Structure: Turning Point for Act III]

Structurally: Act 4

II.8. E8 (Emotion, Intrigue/Anticipation) Shays prepares for war, making African American private Moses Sash one of his Captains but refuses the title of General for himself.

II.9 E6 (Curiosity) Relieved the rebellion is being crushed, Sam and Hancock hate the proposed Constitution, argue fight over giving rebels amnesty but farmer bursts in, demanding amnesty

II.10. E7 (Emotion, Curiosity) Swift helps Shays’ wife flee.

II.11. Crisis. E11 (Emotion, Intrigue, Curiosity) Rebels sneak Shays into Sam’s home to ask for amnesty. Major confrontation. Sam understands the insurrection but would hang rebel with his own hands.

II. 12. Climax. E12 (Emotion, Intrigue, Curiosity) Shays chained in dungeon, mocks Sam, challenges Sam to hang him. Major confrontation, continued. Will Sam hang him?

II.13. Resolution. E6 (Emotion, Curiosity) Sam’s Inauguration as Governor. Confrontation with Shays (hiding in wagon) toasts Sam as Mac tries to arrest him, Swift protects him – Shays now out of debtors prison but wife died in exile.

Epilogue. E8 (Emotion, Curiosity) (1795) Shays sees settlers dragging in body of the Native American. He can no longer kill for a better live. He leaves wagon train to stay with widow…or maybe her rum.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Assignment 11 – Tita’s Outline to Script!

What I learned from this assignment:

Before I started this assignment, I was afraid my outline with notes about what needs changing and from participant feedback was overwhelming and I’d never be able to merge the changes into the current script.

Without Hal’s clear, step by step thinking assignments for strengthening the script, I would never have Improved the play so much. Thank you Hal, Cheryl and team that produces such clearly structured guidance in the assignments for this as well as assignments I’ve built on from other courses I’ve taken (ProSeries50, MSC4, Write a Script in 30 Days, Profound Play, etc.)

When I panicked that there were too many changes in details to weave into the script, I remembered video 7 – turn freak out into a vision of how great it will be to achieve a goal. And I remembered Hal’s earlier statement – we don’t have to agree with the structure or just dislike fitting into a structure, but for this course, just follow it – we can change it or ignore it later. So, to survive this assignment without having a nervous breakdown:

· I calmly and methodically, without judging, copied the pre-course script on to another Word doc, then copied and pasted each section of the newest Outline in front of each scenes, writing notes when I changed the sequence and when I want to make small or major scene changes not in my outline that I remembered thinking.

· I put the outline for the scene in italics to be visually different than script. And my outline had two columns – description of the scene and notes about Hal film structure, adaptation to stage play structure (my script is for a stage play …although it could become a movie because I’ve built action into the scenes if not visual panoramas). And when I felt confused by my own outline vs script scenes or differences in sequencing, I wrote a note to myself about what to do to figure it out.

· As a result of putting the outline before each scene, I had strong, different insights:

o Some of the resequencing ideas are strengthening the balance the actual sequence of the historical events with interpersonal imagined scenes to give more human depth.

o I started feeling the scenes were too clunky long and could be faster, tighter, more quickly dramatic. I will probably be making a lot of cuts.

o I also started feeling the shape of the script. With the changes/improvements – and easier to read scene directions – it will be an effing powerful dramatic event on stage… and maybe partly in the theater, audience spaces, maybe even outside.

o Working with an outline is incredibly useful so that, as Hal said, I don’t get lost in the details and keep focused on the big picture. I needed the step by step assignments in this course to guide me through the revision – when I tried to use the excellent revision guidelines from ProSeries50 and MSC4, I became to A.D.D. to read through the same script so many times. These 11 structured assignments have helped me focus – and want to focus.

#Improvements based on Su assignments 1-11 and on participant feedback:

New Scenes: none – but I’ve split some scenes into two scenes before and after another existing scene

Changes to make current scenes better: Many changes, some just a line, to tighten, lighten, turn lurking expo into conflict or fear/hope, give more dominance to the protag, etc.As I revise the script, I’ll be checking each scene for:

(__) Scene Arc — Starts here and ends there?<div>

(__) The scene fulfills a purpose that moves the story forward.?

(__) There is conflict. (or Hope/Fear, Clues/Mystery, Set up/Surprising Humor etc._

(__) Action and dialogue come from character.

Major Revisions of Scenes: I don’t think there are many if any. Mostly changes in scenes to make them better/more entertaining (the E1-> E10) and in sequencing of some scenes to add dramatic suspense, hold attention, move between characters/conflicts involving urban leaders vs rural rebels.

Added back scene that I have cut many times, but realized it is needed because it sets up beginnings of a post war depression, competing of former gang members trying to survive and thrive vs more educated professionals, connect wagon from war to peace, show Sam as mediator

Ruth to later so Sam can appear at end of warnings/bribe attempt and to create first turning point for Sam

Resequencing: moved about 3 Scenes around and broke about 2 Scenes into two related short punchy Scenes – with Interesting Intermediary Scene that adds impact to the end of what was originally one longer scene.

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[Tita Beal Anntares]

Update – My 12 page outline is ready but only if you are interested in a script for a stage play and historical drama… if no one, I’ll tap a friend. anntares@yahoo.com, Tita Anntares

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!

What I learned from this assignment:

· I’m getting to know my Outline really well by now. I was surprised how many active interest techniques were already in the scenes and how easily I could improve, sharpen… probably the 12 interest techniques from several years ago have been unconsciously embedded in my mind since PS50/MSC4.

· These interest techniques are 4 more and easier to use than in previous Su courses…or I’ve learned more. I’ve used them in the past but did not have them all together as a mental checklist or brainstorming prompt for each scene. These step by step questions about structure, character, story, etc. are very helpful ways to think more deeply about a script. And working from the outline is genius. Saves so much time and bogged down freak-outs.

· The scenes will be much more interesting because of the following:

List of improvements to outline: (Note: Outline for stage play not filmscript)

I went through the 16 techniques, found and improved scenes that had at least one or created ways to use these interest techniques into existing or new scenes:

BIG PICTURE

A. More interesting setting. Brainstorm possible settings that could elevate the interest level. You’re looking for settings that are intriguing, unique, or put the characters or their goals in jeopardy.

From a kitchen to an 18^th century dungeon

B. Superior Position. We know something that the characters don’t know and it is even more powerful if the part they don’t know causes them to go in the opposite direction they should.

The protag seems to be supporting people’s independence but audience knows he is manipulating them into supporting his strategy not their own.

C. Misinterpretation. One or more characters has misconstrued a situation and continues to act out of an incorrect perspective.

When a rebel leader from another county comes to the Antag Shays’ home to beg him to join the armed rebellion, he thinks the Antag is just scared and that the Antag’s wife is keeping him tied to her apron strings… but soon Shays and his wife are hog-tying the rebel leader so he cannot join his own armed court closing.

D. External Dilemma. Two external choices where the main character will lose something no matter which they take.

Protag has claimed he would hang with his own hands his son if he did X, and has to decide whether to hang his friend who did the same thing (and feel despair) or give the friend and others amnesty (and lose respect and power for caving when he was refusing amnesty)

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CHARACTER

A. Character changes radically. We thought they were one person, then they turn out to be another. This could be a literal change or just a change of their position on the conflict.

Protag, man of the people, decides he will send out the army to shoot or arrest and hang his friends for rebelling against his government… despite understanding why they have valid grievances.

B. Betrayal. A character who is trusted turns against the main character.

The Protag has trusted the Antag to keep his promise to try to stop veterans from holding armed protests against Protag’s government. But when he hears the Protag is sending the army against veterans, he agrees to lead the armed protests.

C. Internal Dilemma. The character is struggling with their private quandary. It may be an identity dilemma –

Will Protag approve a Constitution that doesn’t dare mention the rights he and the Antag risked their lives to gain or will he refuse to approve on principle, even if that gives power to rebels and strengthens calls for an American ristocracy and monarchy?

or are they_________? Or they are struggling with their own values (right versus wrong ) or the direction of their life.

D. Uncomfortable Moment. One or more characters are placed in an awkward or embarrassing situation.

Protag, deeply committed to equal rights of people in his new democracy, finds out his friend, soon to be revealed as the Antag, has joined an association that is preparing for an American aristocracy… and the Antag tries to give reasons.

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TWIST

A. Major twist. A sudden change in direction causes the characters to have to deal with new circumstances and their consequences.

Protag has been asking for patience, peaceful organizing for the next election to redress grievances, but suddenly decides he must deploy his army to prevent the other 12 new American nations from invading Massachusetts to crush the rebellion by veterans before it spreads beyond borders

B. Surprise. Create (or identify) a predictable pattern, then shock us with an unexpected occurrence.

Protag has been compassionate to many and now to a captured rebel who is seriously wounded, asks questions that are attempts to get the rebel to say things that might excuse his actions, but suddenly Protag decides he should be put in chains.

C. Mislead / Reveal. Knowing what you want to reveal, take us in the wrong direction, then solve it with the reveal.

When the Antag leads some rebels to leave exile and sneak into the Protag’s home to beg for amnesty, Protag reconnects with his friendships with them, explains that he understands the despair that drove them to close at gunpoint the courts that were unfairly throwing them into debtors prison, their wives and children onto the dole, into poor houses or indentured servitude… As he speaks, he touches each rebel with gentle compassion, then pulls a rifle on them, saying if even his son had taken up arms against an elected government, he would hang him with his own hands. His wife stands between the gun and the rebels, helping them escape.

D. Cliffhanger. A startling conclusion with a major hook. Who shot J.R.? (only have a mild one)

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ANTICIPATION

A. Intrigue. Give clues that there are secrets that affect the other characters. Do this in a way that implies that one or more characters are being underhanded or scheming against the others.

The Protag champions the rights of each individual to be treated equally and with respect even if they have no wealth or title… but when several times when people disagree with him, he manipulates them to say what he wants them to say. The Protag justifies his manipulation on the grounds that he knows best but soon the yeomanry has lost trust in him and explodes in anger and contempt at him in ways that shatter his own confidence and trust in the “yeomanry” he has championed

B. Mystery. In any unknown situation, there are three corners — What happened, Who did it, and How it happened. The mystery gives us one or two of the corners and demands we discover the missing corners. We know what happened, but we’re obsessed with finding out who did it and/or how it was done.

When Protag is shown a wounded veteran who was his friend, Protag know the veteran had led an armed uprising against his government and that the government troops had wounded him, but the Protag does not understand why this veteran led an armed rebellion and keeps asking questions that give the Antag a way to sound innocent…

C. Suspense. We know something of consequence is going to happen and it is being withheld, thus causing us to wonder, worry, and want to know how it will play out.

People hear news that some rebels’ have been killed… but don’t know who as they wait to meet up with Daniel Shay’s wife who had to flee her home. Will she be okay? Was her husband shot – or any of his fellow veterans? Will Sam Adams call off the army?

D. Uncertainty. Alternate hope and fear by revealing details that make the goal appear likely, then unlikely.

In an early scene then woven throughout the first two acts, the Protag keeps hoping the people will embrace their hard-won right to self-government and a democracy where all men are equal regardless of wealth or titles… but he also keeps hearing the poor wanting to be better, richer than others and the wealthy wanting an American aristocracy, maybe a monarch, to control the common people and their mobs.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Elevates Lead Characters

What I learned from this assignment:

When I first read the questions/guidelines, I heard myself thinking “yes, got that… all okay” but when I forced myself to think harder, assume there were some missing elements, I found a lot. Some small changes that need to be woven throughout, lightly, but so they build awareness of who’s doing what why. Some more major changes. Biggest result from the assignment guidelines: I see how to layer in much more interesting contradictions within each lead character and between them – in ways that are aligned with concept, pitch, arc, etc.

List of Changes in Outline (not script) that I Made to Elevate Lead Characters:

Just for me because they won’t make sense out of context or without lengthy descriptions –

· Throughout, heighten violence vs voting concept indirectly. Sam calls for peaceful settling of grievances through elections by all but deploys army then cannot kill with his own hands as he says he will; Dan chooses armed opposition to make government more fair and just, but makes sure the armed rebels stay peaceful… until Sam triggers the violence.

o Show or heighten/spotlight reasons why Sam and Dan each hate or fear taking overt leadership, Sam prefers behind the scenes power and Dan just wants to be one of the guys – and insists people lead themselves.

o Sam’s wound – mother shamed him when he considered being a lawyer – focus more on helping people religiously, be a minister. And he saw his father’s attempt to help the poor with land bank humiliated. More effective to get others to take “spontaneous” action – weave throughout his inner conflict between loving “the people”, wanting to them to have equal respect and rights but learning too much about violence and greed in both street mobs and privileged Tories

o Dan: Doesn’t want to be a leader. Angry at privilege – was ignored or treated with contempt… loves Sam’s simplicity and his commitment to the people when most of Boston treated him with contempt for being country hick

· Intro of Sam: have him running out of carriage to join the people, chased by the colonel.

· Intro of Dan: show him not just refusing praise as leader but his resentment of leaders who used to look down on him – and his pride in cracking the sword.

· In celebration scene: when returning victorious from war and meeting each other, show more clearly Sam and Dan both agreeing to equal rights and peaceful use of elections to make changes…but don’t play it safe.

– In above scene and throughout:

o Don’t idealize Sam.. make sure we see Sam deciding how people should decide something when he disagrees with “the will of the people” manipulating them with charming supportive, loving strategy that takes away the agency, individual rights, that he has championed

o Show Dan’s longing for peace but hot-headed short temper/impatience. have people try to praise each of them. Both of them no – all the soldiers. No glory.

o With both lead characters getting their strength from not being titular heads, big positions, need to bring out their specialness early – maybe by each of them in celebration scene refusing to be the star for the others

· Weave more strongly elements of Dan’s character – strengthen focus on his avoidance of conflict, reluctance, weariness of war… but just before he decides to take up arms, show more clearly what turns him… not just Sam deploying army against him, but some personal reaction and need for violence despite all his talk about peace.

· Show why they are leaders. For each Sam and Dan, show in a scene with each of them, a moment when others are paralyzed, Sam or Dan suddenly takes leadership despite trying to avoid or stay in the background.

· Add new scene of Dan and Sam reconnecting, both trying to prevent the coming violence, both wanting to save democracy from people calling for an American aristocracy, maybe monarch… but ending with anger – Dan wont fall for Sam’s attempt to manipulate how he feels and Sam feeling abandoned by Dan for not trusting him to get merchants in Senate to understand. Here or in county meeting, show them both desperate to prove war was worth it.

· Look for places in outline then in script where I can play with and heighten contradictions to avoid the generic. Let go of wanting people to love him,

o Sam: loves equality but doesn’t trust people, fears their anger as he saw in mobs… – get closer. Hutch and father hurt his father’s attempt to bring fairness to farmers, people with land but no money. His mother wanted him to focus on spiritual joy not economic, she hated lawyers. Humor maybe in his mistrust of what he loves – self-govt, so has to make sure they decide… knows mobs, selfishness… loves the people, but doesn’t trust them the better he got to know them

o Dan: Doesn’t want to lead, be equals, when he took food to Boston, ignored, contempt for him, just be moral. Don’t depend on him… but he tells people that they shouldn’t rebel and close courts… until he suddenly gets angry and not just joins the rebels but leads them… Add in some moments where those contradictions come out where he speaks for peace but takes up guns… but makes sure all men with guns stay peaceful… can’t use them… meanwhile peace loving Sam who wants all grievances resolved through elected reps and if they can’t, vote in others… he panics and deploys army. Let go of need for people to love Sam – can love him even if he’s a strategic maestro of control while praising self-government.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

7. Tita Solves Major Problems

What I learned from this Assignment:

I learned how useful the guidelines in this assignment are, if turned into questions, for making improvements. I never would have seen these particular ways to strengthen the story without Croasmun depth charges. Thanks!!

List of Changes to Outline of the Script (NOTE: This is a stage play not filmscript)

What makes the Opening Strong? (C )<div>

Is the ordinary world interesting? I think so. Need to try it out with other people but – bam, the modern, ordinary world of the audience bursts onto stage before lights go down. Then we ease over to a mysterious tavern, campfire, settlers moving West with their covered wagon drawn up for the night… and something terrifying but typical.

· Is there a challenging situation the Hero/Antagonist must respond to? Yes. Will he or won’t he save a captive Native American – out of compassion? Or let his fellow settlers keep him chained, maybe kill him, to make sure they stay safe as they move West.

· Is the lead character introduced in action? Yes. He lets the Indian go free as settlers chase the captive shooting their rifles… but the lead character doubles over in what looks like grief, but vomiting.· Next Scene after the Opening, the Protagonist’s Ordinary world: He rejects being with fancy officers and has jumped off a carriage to meet his friends from the streets of Boston in a tavern down below. IMPROVEMENT – Merge this scene with next for pacing.

— Challenging situation: Celebrating veterans are fighting over spoils and vying for who will be richer and more powerful than others in new world.

— Character in Action: IMPROVEMENT: Protag gets Antag, his friend at the moment, to join him in getting others to give the spoils, celebrate each person, is equal.

—Twist / Insight: IMPROVEMENT: When soldiers and campfollowers laugh at the idea of equality, scorn each other. Protag scares them with his anger at their blindness to their victory – a vision of equality and rule of law by elected leaders not the rich and powerful… then they go back to celebrating. IMPROVEMENT– Merge Hill and Celebration Scenes for pacing

How does the Outline Show a STRONG TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY with a meaningful Arc from beginning to end? (A )

Specifically:

o How does transformational journey start in a way that shows goal but one the Protag can’t achieve unless he changes? IMPROVEMENT– to show Protag with a clear goal that he can’t achieve because of who he is – have him gain people’s cheers for democracy by manipulating them, but show he’s controlling them

o What makes the ending so meaningful that the journey is worth the character’s effort and the audience’s time?IMPROVEMENT: Add hope to Protag’s desolation. And strengthen apology by Antag. In Inaugural scene with Protag not at very last epilog scene.

o How do the obstacles force learning and improvement? How are they difficult and outside what Protag has experienced before… how do they line up together to cause the learning and change the character as needed? Yes – obstacles build from just a Tory against democracy to all loyal veterans choosing violence vs waiting for elections. I think so, but need to try out in a reading with this in mind.

o Does the Structure force Protag out his comfort zone? Yes but IMPROVEMENT: Make it clearer that Protag recognizes he has failed, chooses new strategy.

o How does the solution of the story show, through the Protag, that Change is the only way to survive! IMPROVEMENT – Make Protag more active in this. Build this more strongly into Inauguration scene. Show Protag taking on a new way of being that will be better from this point on… not just the failure.

Does the Story have a STRONG CONFLICT OR NEED A STRONGER ONE? (B)

· What is the single conflict (not multiples), e.g., a disagreement, opposition, fight, or battle, that is present and explored deeply, experienced constantly by audience from Act 1 TP on? Violence vs vote. Control with violence vs. trust all with the vote… when people want to improve government and claim more rights will they use violence vs. organize to vote? IMPROVEMENT – strengthen the question – Can a leader who believes in using the vote, trust and let go when the people disagree with the leader?

· How does this Conflict escalate with each new act’s Turning Point and create more tension, increase the need to resolve the conflict by any means? IMPROVEMENT – I think this happens. Double check the increasing tension/determination and build it in.

· To what extent does this rising Conflict force the Protag to fight to survive, push him beyond his limits, turgently, not sit still, becoming more and more active and extreme? From cheering to manipulating to controlling to deploying army to refusing amnesty and calling for all to be hanged….

Does the Story have a STRONG ENDING or Need a STRONGER ONE? (D)

· Where is the scene in which the conflict reaches its ultimate expression at a highly dramatic level (climax)?Dawn visit and dungeon scenes. IMPROVEMENT: Double check to make sure the main theme of the conflict is clearly bursting open here?

· How does the ultimate expression of the conflict show that the Protag can only survive because he has changed? IMPROVEMENT: When Protag refuses to hang Antag, show Protag ready to be mocked by Antag as no different than others and show his decision’s connection to voting not violence theme

· How does this ultimate expression of the conflict demand the Hero operate at a higher level that requires they have changed? IMPROVEMENT: It does but clarify/foreshadow the change in future better.

· How is the ending Surprising, yet inevitable – because the story was always leading here? Yes – For this Protag to suddenly start to choose violence, then change… both are surprising. But IMPROVEMENT – Bring out the hanging as no different than other uses of violence rather than vote through Antag mocking. Dawn scene sets up expectation that Protag will hang, because he said he would hang own son.

· How has the change occurred in an interesting unique way or with a unique outcome that leaves audiences surprised and fulfilled? The final decision is awareness by Protag that he too is choosing violence…. Lost trust in the people – but IMPROVEMENT: build in more hope.

NEXT STEP – NOTE TO ME: copy these and put them where they belong in the Outline!

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[Tita Beal Anntares]

TITA’S OUTLINE IMPROVEMENTS – Assignment 6:

COMPARE OUTLINE TO EACH COMPLETED ASSIGNMENT; MAKE ANY IMPROVEMENTS TO OUTLINE TO HONOR NEW VISION:

What I learned by doing this assignment:

· This assignment is easy to say… but not easy to do, e.g., go through the outline with each of the 5 instructions for “going through” the outline for pitch, structure, genre, character story lines, character profiles.

· As I wrote out the instructions for A, B, C and D – including listing the structure elements implied in SU guidelines for step B – I started wondering if Hal really knew what his great questions were asking us to do if we really want to do what we are asked to do rather than wing it. But I learned to accept without freak-out resistance because I have learned so much in previous courses.

· When I felt impatient, agitated, overwhelmed by the need to go through everything and align with SU questions, I wanted to quit. But sort of miraculously, I learned that if I forced myself to follow the Hal instructions step by step (and paste them into my outline so I could see them in the scene where they happen – or don’t – gradually I was able to do what I thought would drive me nuts.

· Again, as in previous assignment with meticulous questions about story line for each main character, I fought doing this, delayed, grumbled… but I learned that the steps, guidelines and questions in the assignment is a crucial, profound element of revision we rarely even think of doing… in this assignment, by “pitch” do you mean what was called “logline” in the assignment or the broader logline, concept and one page description? I’m assuming logline

· I wish I knew about this assignment when I started the course – I would have created a workbook where I could insert each assignment and have them all in one place. Hard to find, bring up, juggle, all the pieces involved in this assignment if you really want to try doing it fully.

Improvements to Outline – note – this is a STAGE PLAY not film:

A. Pitch Alignment: 1. Where is the pitch stronger or more interesting than the outline? Take advantage of those opportunities to make improvements. 2. Is there anything in this outline that goes against this pitch? If so, fix that part of the outline. 3. Is there anything in the outline that could be elevated to match this pitch? If so, elevate it. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>PITCH: Sam celebrates victory with his friend Dan in their war they fought together for equal rights and self-government… but in only five years they are ready to kill each other, both sure they are saving democracy from the other.<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Improvement: Throughout, slip in some actions that reveal more of Sam and Dan’s back story and friendship before the war so it is more tragic when they turn against each other

B. Match Your 4-Act Structure – for the Transitional Journey

ACT 1:

· B.1.1 Opening: Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Improvement: Merge Curtain Raiser with Prologue so no break and we have a continuous flow from modern world into the story telling world.

· B.1.2 Inciting Incident: How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey?

Improvement: Merge scenes 3-4 for sense of continuity. Heighten conflict to make sure the theme and main conflict between violence and voting as well as equality vs privileged comes out clearly – and so that it is relevant to capture audience attention without being preachy or expositional.

· Other scenes – Sam’s homecoming with wife… add that he has to pay condolences to Ruth (to foreshadow his appearance in next scene)but Betsy makes him stay with her longer

· B.1.3 Turning Point 1. How is this Turning Point a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?” Improvement: Build in Sam more strongly when he interrupts Ruth’s ‘seduction of’ – strengthen Sam’s shock when he sees Ruth drawing John into a longing to be in an aristocracy maybe monarch

Act 2:

· B.2.1 New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal after the Act 1 Turning Point? Improvement: Scene – Homecomings – Add Sam because he now, after what he saw, plans to stay close to people. Build him into some or all of the homecoming vignettes as he welcomes them and reminds them about the value of the new democracy where people have equal rights/respect and elect their own leaders so they can use the vote not violence to make government serve them well. Sam into some or all of the homecoming vignettes. And foreshadow LIGHTLY in the vignettes the potential for wanting to be better than each other and for preferring violence to patient organizing and voting.

· Election day scene shows Antag’s inciting incident – celebration ends with neighbor thrown in debtor’s prison, wife and kids out of home. Improvement – foreshadow Shays trying to keep it peaceful.. trust Sam.. how he helped Sam and got independence vs. yeah , got war

· B.2.2 Plan in Action: How does the protagonist take action on that plan? Scene 8, outside Green Dragon, shooting, Col Middleton, etc, Improvement: build in Sam more decisively- in line with his plan to stay close… instead of stopping Swift, he gives him a role and hope that life will get better.

· B.2.3 Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey? 9 outside courthouse, everyone in debt, scared of courts…Sam is jeered. Improvement: strengthen blaming Sam for not preventing, tax to pay soldiers ends up taxing them and still not paid…heighten Sam’s shock and the conflict between vote vs violence. Show Sam asking for their trust, he needs time with Senate…. Vote to change… vs can’t from jail

Act 3:

· B.3.1 React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things? Improvement – As Ruth humiliates and berates Sam build in more strongly vote vs violence. Ruth berates him.

· B.3.2 New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict? Daniel and wife get Sam/s message for peace, his job now, reasons… and they hog tie the violent one

· B.3.3 Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? Does this force them to adopt the change in a much bigger way? Job wounded, dumped with Sam, etc. Improvement: Have the vote vs violence conflict stop Sam’s compassion – show him angry

· Additional scenes –

o Sam tells Betsy about calling out army;

o Dan, his wife and others prepare for war again

o Dan’s wife

o Sam scene with John and constitution

Improvement — do the above scenes fit into Act 4 instead? Or change Job scene to just a scene and make the John/Constitution scene the TP?

Act 4:

· B.4.1 Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically? Two scenes –

o Crisis in Sam’s house then to dungeon scene.

o Climax – dungeon

Improvement… look for ways to get rid of any repetition or duplication from earlier scenes/insights… check vote vs violence

· B.4.2 Resolution: How does this resolution represent the transformation that has taken place and bring this story to a fitting conclusion? How does the change show up in your lead character’s behavior? Two scenes –

o inauguration (vote vs violence but impact on Sam Improvement: end more positive. Despair, loss of friends, yes… but show need to stop violence with military to protect the vote, self-govt, etc.

o end for Dan, Improvement: Something to connect wth liberty, not just vote vs violence.

C. Strong on Genre Conventions. This is irritating. I can’t find where I downloaded the pdf with genre structures. Mine is Drama and I remember thinking my Outline fits. But where did I put it? I just went to Classes and the homework for Genre – but that lesson seems to be the structure elements not genre. I remember downloading a doc from Hal describing genres with a lot of © notices so I assume it’s special to SU… but I can’t find it on my laptop files. Anyway, my outline has the main elements of Drama – interpersonal, conflict, etc.

D. The Characters Take Action from their Profiles. I will do this and E later when I’m looking more closely at the Outline from point of view of each character, e.g. – check each profile and make sure I have the secrets, wounds, goals, etc. and if not build in.

E. Build in each Character’s Story Line. – and look at each character’s story then check points in outline were something may need to be built in as action, conflict, or support for Protag or Antag

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Character Story Lines – Assignment 5

What I learned:

· This assignment was difficult, exasperating, sometimes tedious – but brilliant

· As I forced myself to work through the storyline details of each key char, I realized I had a lot of mental answers to Hal dramaturgical questions but the script needed at least some hints in words or action

· I see so many little points where the various characters’ storylines need to align with the overall storyline and with each other’s relevant actions. Also happily surprised to see many of the needed alignments already in the script

· Sometimes the changes really matter for the story’s dramatic power… sometimes they are needed to strengthen flow and interactions but don’t really matter so don’t mull and give up, just effing make ‘em up

CODE BELOW: Bold = notes to myself about what’s new or needs strengthening in current script

NOTE – This is a STAGE play.

OVERALL STORY LINE with general focus on Protag (Sam) and Antag (Dan):

Curtain Raiser/Prologue – sets focus/tone: Sam as actor stops Dan also as actor from claiming the play is biased and since 1776 we’ve had the right to take up arms against a government that is hurting our rights… Sam shows the t-shirt praising Timothy McVeigh wore on the day he bombed innocents in Oklahoma.

Beginning: Where does the character start? Sam Adams wants to join the people returning victorious from war, ignores warning he must look like a leader, not ride home with former gangs of Boston, even if they are his friends. Shays is celebrating their right to govern themselves and treat each person, rich or poor, with equal justice.

Inciting Incident: What propels them onto the journey? Sam rebels against the need to leave his friends, the poor, the working people in order to be a leader. Dan just wants to stay home with family.

Turning Point: What twist locks them into a conflict? Two scenes: (ADD) Sam sees Ruth manipulating Hancock into wanting royalty – and Dan, celebrating, finds out the government is treating his indebted neighbors unfairly.

Midpoint: What twist changes the meaning of the conflict? Sam meets with people to get them to protest through the vote not violence – but they attack him (add violent attempt)… for Shays: hearing about Job Shattuck beating.

Turning Point 2: What twist takes them to the biggest conflict? Sam – Should he give amnesty and use democracy’s tools – negotiate solutions with the wealthy and risk losing time before the other 12 nations invade to crush the uprising so it doesn’t spread, not resort to force…clarify… or save his democracy by sending out his own army and using violence

Dilemma: What are the two equally unacceptable choices and how are they forced to make the decision? Can Sam give amnesty because he understands why his friends rebelled or most he punish them to make sure it never happens again? Sam throws his friends out when they sneak into his home to ask for amnesty for all rebels and threatens to hang them with his own hands. Shays runs to help Job escape

Major Conflict: What is the ultimate experience of their conflict? Shays taunts Sam … Will Sam kill? Can’t hang him. Must wait for vote, law. Shays realizes he was too impatient.

Ending: How has their world changed? Last two scenes. Sam has won leadership, but lost his friends. Strengthen his awareness that he was not just saving Mass from others when he sent out the army – he wanted to kill. Dan realizes violence was wrong way, accepts that he was too impatient… not just leading rebels to try to protect friends from violence Add more awareness that he wanted the violence, wasn’t leading rebels to protect them from it

***

PROTAG STORY LINE – Sam

Beginning: Where does the character start? Sam celebrates victory, proud and relieved that the poorest of the poor and the rich joined together for independence… Strengthen – now wants to make sure people keep equal rights, not hierarchy of the richest or most educated.<div>

Inciting Incident: What propels them onto the journey? Sam, told to act like a leader, refuses, bolt to join common people

Turning Point 1: What twist locks them into a conflict? Sam sees Hancock courted by Ruth to feel above others. Must get closer to people, both H and the poor.

Midpoint: What twist changes the meaning of the conflict? Shock when the people he loves and who have followed him, jeer and boo him

Turning Point 2: What twist takes them to the biggest conflict? After being shamed for creating a mob-o-cracy by Tory Ruth and uprisings are breaking out

Dilemma: What are the two equally unacceptable choices and how are they forced to make the decision? When Shays and other rebels who are his friends sneak into his home to ask for amnesty, should he give them amnesty because he understand why they rebelled, or punish to make sure no one ever takes up arms against an elected govt instead of using the vote…

Major Conflict: What is the ultimate experience of their conflict? Sam throws them out, saying he would kill his own son if he took up arms against an elected govt, threatening kill them with his own hands.

Ending: How has their world changed? He has saved democracy by giving up many powers to a united govt… and he has lost the trust and friendship of the people he fought a war to make a society where each person has equal rights and the opportunity to use the vote, not violence to make life more fair

***

ANTAG STORY LINE – Shays

Beginning: Where does the character start? After a Prologue where we meet him at the end of his story, drunk, fed up with violence, in despair we see him confidant, sure a new world of fairness build</div><div>

Inciting Incident: What propels them onto the journey? When celebrating victory and hoping for future peace, Shays’ neighbors are thrown out of homes because in debt, but soldiers not paid/can’t redeem certificates, have sold them and govt has passed a tax build to raise funds to pay solders

Turning Point 1: What twist locks them into a conflict? Job asks him to join, he refuses, but add that he feels weak and cowardly despite his praises and loyalty to Sam

Midpoint: What twist changes the meaning of the conflict? When his own people jeer Sam and mock Shays for believing, trusting Sam and refusing to be a man, take up arms to save neighbors (build up)

Turning Point 2: What twist takes them to the biggest conflict? Should Shays join the armed rebellion or keep insisting on voting not violence even if more men are thrown in debtors prison and their women children into poorhouses or indenture?

Dilemma: What are the two equally unacceptable choices and how are they forced to make the decision? Should he keep fighting, give up or beg for amnesty?

Major Conflict: What is the ultimate experience of their conflict? Shays, proud, angry, but realizes Sam was not the enemy, democratic change takes time and waiting for elections, he was too impatient. And has lost his beloved wife.

Ending: How has their world changed? Shays has given up fighting for ideals, being a leader, just wants the killing to stop – and the despair in his brain to stop

***

SUPPORTING CHARACTER TO PROTAG – Elizabeth, Sam’s fiery, political wife

Beginning: Where does the character start? Mistrusts hope for future, ready to fight again

Inciting Incident: What propels them onto the journey? Sees gang leader vying to be richest, best. build

Turning Point: What twist locks them into a conflict? Seeing Job – and her husband Sam;s unable or unwilling to help.

Midpoint: What twist changes the meaning of the conflict? Sam decides to call out the army

Turning Point 2: What twist takes them to the biggest conflict? She comes into dawn kitchen with a rifle.

Dilemma: What are the two equally unacceptable choices and how are they forced to make the decision? Does she side with her husband or does she take the rebels’ side?

Major Conflict: What is the ultimate experience of their conflict? She helps the rebels escape.

Ending: How has their world changed? Her love and loyalty to her husband stays but has become more like pity because she has felt the coldness of their disagreement <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>build if not there

***

SUPPORTING CHARACTER TO ANTAG – Abigail Gilbert Shays, Shays’ gentle wife – but tough. She has run their farm by herself during the war and can take on any man… as, with her husband’s help, does at one point

Beginning: Where does the character start? Celebrates but mistrusts hope for future, just wants peaceful family life.

Inciting Incident: What propels them onto the journey? Resists Job’s demand they join the rebels – hog ties him with Shays’ help

Turning Point: What twist locks them into a conflict? Job’s wounding, torture even if she understands his ego took over and he went too far (build if not there)

Midpoint: What twist changes the meaning of the conflict? The decision to go to war… a danger she thought was over

Turning Point 2: What twist takes them to the biggest conflict? She has to run for safety

Dilemma: What are the two equally unacceptable choices and how are they forced to make the decision? She is ill, tired, should stay – but she wants to join her husband in exile, even if she has the cough that can be fatal

Major Conflict: What is the ultimate experience of their conflict? She finds gratitude.

Ending: How has their world changed? She goes into exile… we later find out, to die.

***

TRIANGLE UNITING CHAR (NEW EQUALS) – Mrs. Havens, tavern owner’s widow who sees the story happen before her as people pass through her tavern on the border of Massachusetts and New York

Beginning: Where does the character start? Her story starts at the end of her story… war weary, has seen too much killing. Wants to tell the stories of the people coming through – off to fight wars, back to try to recover, if they come back, now off to take Indian Country…

Inciting Incident: What propels them onto the journey? She recognizes the drunk as Shays. Tries to save the Native American captive by goading, trying to seduce the drunk

Turning Point: What twist locks them into a conflict? Meeting Sam when he stops by her tavern to greet Shays and celebrate – she cannot celebrate the killing (build)

Midpoint: What twist changes the meaning of the conflict? When she meets Shays’ wife as rebels flee to exile

Turning Point 2: What twist takes them to the biggest conflict? When Shays comes back a despairing, empty man…

Dilemma: What are the two equally unacceptable choices and how are they forced to make the decision? When the settlers bring back their captive, dead

Major Conflict: What is the ultimate experience of their conflict? Does she scoff at him, berate him for leading so many young men to their death (strengthen) or decide to help herself to his company no matter what?

Ending: How has their world changed? She accepts her need for comfort, regardless of her opinions, and gives comfort (she sees he won’t be comforted but company)

***

SECOND TRIANGLE CHAR (NEW ARISTOCRATS) – Ruth – widow of Sam’s best friend and mentor but she’s a Tory

Beginning: Where does the character start? Terrified that the returning soldiers will destroy civilized life so she tries to draw a leader of the war for independence into a new American aristocracy by commiserating with his resentments and insecurities.

Inciting Incident: What propels them onto the journey? Sees Sam, who she believes, ran the mobs, turned them against decent people, drove her husband insane is clearly coming into leadership (clarify her awareness) – and she must help one daughter get to Eng and marry redcoat

Turning Point: What twist locks them into a conflict? She mocks Sam’s failure of democracy

Midpoint: What twist changes the meaning of the conflict? She defends the formation of an aristocracy but realizes she will have to bring and include the disgusting lower sorts to win (add into a scene)

Turning Point 2: What twist takes them to the biggest conflict? Hearing of Philadelphia conference – hope they will come crush rebellion and bring order… build

Dilemma: What are the two equally unacceptable choices and how are they forced to make the decision? maybe her horror that other daughter is with son of general of revolution… but at least crushing rebels.

Major Conflict: What is the ultimate experience of their conflict? Despair and disgust of the people

Ending: How has their world changed? Hoping to win over the mob leader to lay groundwork for aristocracy based on wealth if not refinement even tho he disgusts her. Add her bribe, maybe in inauguration.

***

PS – NOTE TO SU:

I wish your system allowed copy/past of a table or you handed out a writable worksheet to complete for ourselves and submit for accountability. I needed to see the outline of the overall story and Sam’s storyline to build storylines of others. E.g. a chart with the structure elements down left, the overall story and key people across top, then fill in each one’s story elements in relationship to the overall story and each other. Or lay out 3×5 cards in columns all over the table or, if it gets too big, floor

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• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: took out some computer gobbledegook

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Character Profiles

What I learned:·

-Creating the profiles helps me sharpen my view of the story and ability to describe it more clearly· Confirmed I know the people – I was afraid I’d have to make up a lot·

-Looking forward to finding places in the script to build in or strengthen character·

-The role in story combined with why this character in the story really helped me clarify the character’s value, specially for when people tell me to cut the cast of this stage play down to 3-5

– Even a small additional detail about one of these and the other characters gives me ideas about how to strengthen that character’s impact in a scene

Pitch so far: Soon after two friends celebrate victory in the war for liberty they fought together, they are ready to kill each other, both sure they are saving their new democracy from the other.

Protag:

A. Name: Sam

B. Role in the Story: Turns a friendship into a life or death battle, then must decide if he will kill with his own hands

C. Core Traits: Listener, Strategist, Controller

D. Motivation: Wants leaders to give rights and liberties to the many so they can govern themselves through their elected representatives – free from control by the wealthiest and most influential few in ruling eletesNeeds to know when leadership requires repressing the rights and liberties of individuals to protect and free the many from control by the loudest, strongest few in mobsNeeds to learn to when an elected government to protect all people’s freedom to participate in self-government through elected representatives when individuals claim rights that will destroy other’s rights and liberties — and how to do that without destroying elected self-government– free from control by the

E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw: Offering freedom but wanting to retain control. Wound: Disrespect from people with wealth who crushed a program he and his father set up to help poor farmers

F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret: His pride in being a leader of the people despite championing their right to lead themselves; Hidden Agenda: free the American colonies from British King and Parliament despite claiming he just wants rights of Englishmen…

G. Internal Dilemma: He wants to give people self-government and the right to make their own decisions but if he disagrees with them defensively wants to insist on what he thinks is best

H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Sam helped forge self-government for the colony of Massachusetts then, when his friends and followers rose up against his new government, he sent out the army of Mass to shoot or arrest and hang them

Antag:

A. Name: Dan

B. Role in the Story: Leads a rebellion against his friend Sam’s new government

C. Core Traits: Compassionate, Loyal, Impatient

D. Motivation: Want/Need: Wants to help neighbors; Needs to find ways to use elections not guns to make government help people.

E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw: Quick to take action, even if reckless, once he makes a decision; Wound: As a farmer taking his produce to sell in Boston, he felt disrespected, put down by urban craftsmen, dockworkers, others

F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret: Hates military action and guns because he saw too much violence in the war and just wants to live a quiet life; Hidden Agenda: Take up guns and command veterans’ protests to stop injustices fast so he can get back to normal life.

G. Internal Dilemma: Heal from the violence of war in a quiet family life but make sure the war was worth fighting by insisting on fairness for his neighbors… even if the only fast way to do that means arming himself and his neighbors

H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? He is a peace-loving man who leads an armed rebellion

Other Key Pivotal Characters-

A. Name: Ruth Cunningham Otis,

B. Role in the Story: Widow of a patriot who triggered the calls for self-government

C. Core Traits: Elegant, charming, demanding, rigid

D. Motivation: Want/Need: Wants comfortable life; Needs to learn to flex to people she disagrees with

E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw – intrusive; Wound – spoiled by her rich parents.

F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret – she loathes the common people and more educated leaders who glorify them. Keep the colony loyal to the British Empire and set up an American aristocracy.

G. Internal Dilemma: Once loved her husband so doesn’t want to hurt him and still loves him when he agrees with her and does/says what she wants – but other times thinks he should be jailed.

H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Shows the power of many Americans of any classes/backgrounds who, after the revolution, wanted an aristocracy and king to control the mobs

A. Name: Ebeneezer Mackintosh (Mac) – changes his first name to Alexander to become more respectable

B. Role in the Story: Private in Continental Army, a returning veteran who wants to protect the government from his rebellious peers… and gain the respect he wants to gain position and wealth

C. Core Traits: ¨Ambitious, aggressive, selfish

D. Motivation: Want/Need: Wants to be rich and powerful; needs to earn respect E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw – uses brute strength to win what he wants; Wound – angry he never had as many chances as wealthier people

F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret – leads workers as part of his mob and later as soldiers but has no respect for the people he pretends he cares about; Hidden Agenda – Become just as respected and wealthy as any Lord in Parliament after he helps get rid of the Lords in the war for independence then help create an American Parliament

G. Internal Dilemma: Needs to act like a leader of the lower sorts when they disgust him… wants to be part of upper class but personally finds them disgusting too

H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Represents post war veterans who pulled themselves up by their bootstraps but once rich, want to prove they are better than others, doesn’t believe that all men are created equal

Note – I’ve done profiles for all important additional characters but I’m the only one who needs all those details. And probably none of this makes sense in a vacuum

<b class=””>Ways to improve the Character Profiles.

A: Any parts of the profiles to improve? In script will be adding the above levels to the profile – no longer as much “on the nose”

B: How the characters can fulfill their role in the story more effectively: I will weave through the script more nuances — want but need, secret, unexpressed wound, etc.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: added a learning and deleted two out of date sentences
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

ASSIGNMENT 3: GENRE

What I learned doing this assignment: As I read through my outline with each element of the Drama genre in mind, I think it’s all there. Am I lost in deaf/blind ego? Need a critical dramaturg to wake me?

Title: SAM’S RABBLE

Current Logline: When his friend Captain Daniel Shays leads armed veterans and farmers to close the courts so no more neighbors can be thrown unjustly into debtors’ prison, Sam Adams hears calls from frightened citizens for an American monarchy to control the mob-o-cracy, he understands the rebels’ despair but he must crush the rebellion to save the self-governing democracy he risked his life to win.

CONCEPT: Two friends, Sam Adams and Captain Daniel Shays, celebrate victory in their war for independence from the British Empire, but within a few years they are ready to kill each other. both sure they are saving democracy from the other. Their battle begins when Dan leads an armed rebellion in the new nation of Massachusetts that :

· drives Sam Adams, man of the people, to send out the army of the nation of Massachusetts out to shoot or arrest and hang his friends in order to silence calls for an American aristocracy, maybe monarchy, to control the mob-cracy and to stop the other 12 nations from invading Massachusetts to crush Shays’ rebellion,

· challenges Sam to do to Shays what he said he would do if even his own son took up arms against the people’s elected government: hang him with his own hands, and

· terrifies all 13 new American nation states into uniting under one Constitution that didn’t dare mention the rights that both Sam and Daniel risked their lives to win – rights that had to be tacked on at the end a few years later.

Genre: DRAMA

Elements of Drama (Copyright 2017, Hal Croasmun. All rights reserved. http://ScreenwritingU.com) in SAM’S RABBLE:

PURPOSE: To explore stories with emotional and interpersonal high stakes for their characters: Sam and Dan risked their lives for democracy but only a few years after winning the war for independence, both suddenly think the other is destroying that democracy.

CHARACTER-DRIVEN JOURNEY: We always need to care about the characters in a Drama, and their internal journey drives the film’s events and progression: We like both Sam and Dan and understand the valid goals, fears and motivations of both friends and the reasons why they have turned against each other.

HIGH STAKES COME FROM WITHIN: Whether the story’s events are relatively mundane or intense, the struggles, obstacles, and stakes comes from within the characters more than from external pressures: Sam and Dan are each sure that their actions are justified and the only way to save their democracy

EMOTIONALLY RESONATES: Drama audiences want to feel and be moved by the characters’ emotions and how they experience the events: Because audiences understand each friend’s valid motivations, we identify with protag and antag, grieving for their inability to listen and see each other’s perspective to find compassionate solutions.

CHALLENGING, EMOTIONALLY-CHARGED SITUATIONS: Characters get challenged to their core by the emotional situations and struggles that they run into: Sam is saving his life work to create a democracy from calls for monarch – every other nation has one; Dan is saving his neighbors; each is ready to kill the other.

REAL-LIFE SITUATIONS: Drama stories are grounded in reality: This is the real story of Shays Rebellion, not the one glorified by home-grown terrorist Timothy McVeigh and by extremist groups that attached the Capitol on Jan 6 ‘21

OUTLINE OF STAGE PLAY (THIS IS NOT A FILMSCRIPT)

Structure Beats – You want your structure points to be strong and as obvious as you can make them. That way, the audience will feel them and experience the purpose of each point. Make them strong!

SU Structure Act 1:

Opening: Engaging opening, lures us into the story? Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode?

IN STAGE PLAY – ACT I 1791-1786

(In paren, after Slug, I’ve put the state play’s scene *2 and titles in paren)

Opening –Engages, lures us into the story, lead character is clearly living in a pre-transformational mode:

1. OPENING. AUDIENCE AREA. CURRENT TIME (Curtain Raiser, Current Time) Actor playing Dan rushes out to warn audience the play is biased against today’s patriots, but blocked by actor playing Sam who shows Timothy McVeigh’s t-shirt that glorifies Shays Rebellion. Rachel, actress playing the widow Mrs. Havens insists they start the play.

[If I turn this into a filmscript: EXT. LOT OF MOVIE SET. CURRENT TIME: Actors Dan then Sam grab the camera on the lot, make their case]

2. EXT. HAVENS INN. COVERED WAGON. DAY (Prologue – Settlers Moving West. 1795) Outside ramshackle tavern – owner’s widow, worn down by seeing too much killing in the war, recognizes the drunk guarding an Native American tied by neck to a wagon wheel as Captain Daniel Shays and seductively tries to get him to let the captive escape. Shays does – and settlers chase off after the Indian shooting.

Inciting Incident – Invites and propels us into the journey:

3. EXT. HILL OVERLOOKING HAVENS INN. DAY (I.1 Leaders and Fighters1781) Sam Adams ignores warnings by African American Colonel George Middleton that to become a leader of the newly independent nation of Massachusetts Bay, Sam must act like a leader of the new government not hang out with low level people like his friends in former Boston mobs. Sam cons Middleton into thinking he agrees, then sneaks off to join the people to celebrate the end of the few ruling the millions – now the people will rule themselves through their elected representatives.

Additional Scene:

4. EXT. HAVENS INN. TROOPS GATHERED. DAY (I.2 Victory Celebrations 1781) Tavern is a little less ramshackle than in second scene. Covered wagon is no longer covered – holds supplies, army weapons. Sam and Captain Daniel Shays celebrate their victory against the British empire with Shays’ regiment of white and black soldiers and camp-followers, including the former mob leaders of Boston Henry Swift and Ebeneezer Mackintosh. As the soldiers argue over who will now become rich, maybe even help create an American nobility, Sam shocks them, saying there will be no Lords and Ladies. No King or Queen. No Tyrants telling us what to do. He promises that each of the 13 new independent nations will be a self-governing democracy with equal voting rights regardless of wealth (and laughter that New Jersey will even let women vote.) African American Private Moses Sash starts to say he is free and will vote then stops himself, unsure. Sam reassures him. Massachusetts freed slaves and he fought in the war so he should vote.

Turning Point 1- Twist that locks us into the journey with no going back:

5. INT. CANDLE-LIT ELEGANT PARLOR. EVENING (1.3 The Society 1781) Tory widow tries to get John Hancock to join a group that wants to set up an American nobility. Every civilized country has one. Maybe a king. Sam Adams interrupts the “seduction” just as Hancock starts to try on the crown. Sam determined to get rid of all longing for Americans’ own nobility, royalty and Lords and Ladies being better than others.

SU Structure Act 2:

New Plan – Protag creates new plan did the protagonist to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point – and in same scene –

6. EXT. MONTAGE. FARMS, BOARDING HOUSE. DAY. (1.4 Homecomings 1781) Joy and fears of soldiers and camp-followers returning home. Sam meets some of them, welcoming, reminding them they are free from monarchy, aristocracies – not going to recreate them in the new nation of Massachusetts.

Plan in action – The protagonist takes action on that plan:

7. EXT. ELECTION DAY. OUTSIDE WORCESTER COUNTY COURTHOUSE. DAY (I.5 Election Day 1782?) Veteran, former South End mob leader Ebeneezer MacKintosh, swindles Daniel Shays and his wife out of their army pay in his get rich quick scheme. Despite warnings from an old farmer who has a letter from Sam Adams warning of people’s weakness for baubles and their desire to be better than others, Shays and his wife fall for it because Daniel has joined the Order of the Cincinnati, a group preparing to set up a nobility starting with Continental Army officers.

8. EXT. OUTSIDE GREEN DRAGON TAVERN. DAY (I.6 Shots in the City 1783) Henry Swift, Boston dockworker and former North End mob leader is in debt, angry. Jealous, he takes out his anger – and contempt – first on Dan Shays, a farmer selling his specially of African American Colonel and Native American who have jobs “when white men don’t”. Sam Adams shames him.

Midpoint Turning Point 2: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey?

9. EXT. OUTSIDE WORCESTER COUNTY COURTHOUSE. DAY. (I.7 Shouts in the Country 1784) Sam Adams asks people in Daniel Shays’ County to be patient and not join armed mobs in other counties that are forcing judges to close courts so judges cannot any more neighbors into debtors prison. Sam is shaken – and shamed – by the angry reactions to him. He is shocked by the loss of people’s trust in him as “man of the people” who forged the new self-governing democracy.

SU Structure Act 3:

React/Rethink: After experiencing the rage from the people, Sam realizes he may be a new leader but he is loing the power he had over people before the war. He becomes defensive.

10. INT. GOVERNOR HANCOCK’S OFFICE. DAY (I.8 Mob-o-cracy, 1784) The Tory Widow shames Sam Adams for thinking the people can govern themselves. Court closings by armed mobs are proof, laughing at farmer Job Shattuck claiming to be a General.

New Plan – Protag creates plan to deal with this new level of conflict:

11. INT. THE SHAYS’ KITCHEN. NIGHT.(I.9. Peaceful Protests, 1785) Shays has received a messenger from Sam Adams, saying Sam has lost trust so it is up to Shays to make sure people in Worcester County refuses violence wants to wait for the vote. He and his wife hogtie a rebel, Job Shattuck, who wants Shays to mobilize veterans in his county to join court closings there and in other counties.

12. INT. SAM AND BETSY’S KITCHEN. DAY. (I.10 The Captive, 1786)A veteran, Job Shattuck, who has led his make-shift army to take over a town’s green, is seriously wounded and arrested, in pain. Sam tries to help him, get him to name British infiltrators who manipulated him into taking up arms against their elected government – but Shattuck is furious at Sam and blames him for not helping the people immediately, scoffing at Sam’s need for his time and patience. Sam is devastated as Shattuck is taken off to prison.

Turning Point 3: The lowest of the low. The protag has been brought to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way. This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way.

13. INT. SAM AND BETSY’S BEDROOM. DAWN. (II.1. Decision. 1787) Every court closing triggers more calls for a nobility, maybe an American King – every other nation has one. The 12 other nations are planning to meet in Philadelphia to invade Massachusetts to stop the rebellion so it doesn’t spread to across borders. Sam decides to call out the army of his nation.

Additional Scene:

14. INT. THE SHAYS’ KITCHEN. NIGHT. (II.2. Preparing for War…Again, 1787Shays prepares himself and his closest friends to stop the Massachusetts army from hunting down rebels. He appoints African-American veteran as Captain. They plan escape routes for themselves and Shays’ wife just in case they cannot stop the army.

IN STAGE PLAY – ACT I1; 1781-1786; 1795

Option During Intermission, depending on director’s decision: Quick banter between actors playing Dan and Sam as in Curtain Raiser at the beginning

SU Structure Act 4:

Protag’s reaction to TP 3:

15. INT. HANCOCK’S BEDROOM. DAY. (II.4. Amnesty? 1787) The army is clearing rebels out of every farm town and hollow. Some shot dead. And the nations are in Philadelphia but neither Hancock nor Sam Adams, delegates to the convention 10 years earlier that created the Declaration of Independence, have not been elected as representatives. Hancock, Governor, but in debt himself and ill, wants to stop the rebellion, give amnesty to all the arrested insurgents and let the ones in hiding in Vermont – but Sam Adams refuses. They rebelled against the people’s own elected democracy – no mercy.

16. EXT. HAVENS INN. DAY. (II.3 Blood on the Snow. 1787) The war is going badly for the rebels. Shays’ wife, escaping with her life, meets up with North End mob leader/veteran and his woman who will help her escape to exile in Vermont.

(+) Crisis:

17. INT. SAM AND BETSY’S KITCHEN. DAWN. (II.5 Dawn Visit. 1787) The North End mob leader sneaks Shays and other insurgents into the Adams’ kitchen to ask for amnesty. Sam seems to understand, but pulls his wife’s rifle on them, saying if his own son rebelled against their democracy he would hang him with his own hands. Sam’s wife helps them flee.

Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: The ultimate expression of the conflict. Requires a “fight to the death,” literally and symbolically:

18. INT. DUNGEON. SAME NIGHT. (II.6 The Noose. 1787)Sam has chased Shays, woke the sheriff and Shays is now locked in chains with another prisoner – Job Shattuck. Sickly Hancock has bring brought from his bed. Shays challenges Sam to do what he said he would do even to his own son – hang him with his own hands. Now. Sam cannot. Gives amnesty to the prisoner but Shays must stay in prison. Shays taunts him.

Resolution: The transformation that has taken place and this story comes to a fitting conclusion with the lead character’s behavior showing the change… also a resolution for the antagonist that brings us back up to current time:

19. EXT. OUTSIDE BOSTON’S GOVERNMENT BUILDING. EVENING (II.7 Inauguration. 1793) North End mob leader shows angry toasts from a wagon that is becoming a covered wagon outside the inauguration party for Sam as Governor. South End mob leader, now a guard, sees that Shays is hiding in the wagon. As Shays adds his drunken toasts, Sam tries to stop the guard from arresting or shooting him, realizes he should have listened and stood up for the rebels, tries to apologize but he has lost trust. Sam feels the pain of losing his friends, his connection with his beloved “yeomanry.” His wife Betsy says they are ungrateful for all his sacrifices to create a new world where people have freedom to vote and the wealthy cannot rule us, but the fools chose violence over voting. Sam blames himself – his hatred of the wealthy powerful few ruling the millions, he put too mu trust in the people – and their armed protests forced us to create a new world with both freedom and order. (Resolution Part 1)

20. EXT. HAVENS INN. DAY – SAME TIME AS PROLOGUE. (Epilogue – Settlers Moving West. 1795) Continuous time from Prologue, Shays’ is drinking. His wife has died of consumption contracted when in exile in cold barn. Settlers have dragged back the body of the Native American who escaped in the Prologue. Shays says he killed to create a better life… cannot do that again to create a better life in the West. Leaves the wagon train heading for the Ohio River. Stays with the widow. (Resolution Part 2)

Option, depending on director’s decision: after the play, at the Curtain Call, some shouts, maybe from audience or from actors Sam and Dan, connecting the story to current day extremists who believe in violent protests like Jan 5 2021 over organizing votes for elections.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: I deleted a note that was not able to activate lesson 3 because I figured out it was because I didn't click that I had viewed the video
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s 4-Act Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is:

· My overall structure has the key elements, just needed strengthening and rearranging of some scenes. Using the “Elevate” questions in the assignment makes the script so much better, clearer.

· Also needed to weave my main character through more scenes and sharpen the theme (need to balance freedom and order, choose the vote over violence) in key moments

· I had a time bomb but it was in the background. I needed to bring it out more.

What I have right now with some improvements, big picture points about Antagonist:

Genre – The one or two genres to fully honor in this rewrite: Historical Drama

High Concept – One sentence that gives us the major hook of this story:

Five years after Sam and Dan celebrate victory in their colonial war together for independence from the British empire, these two friends are ready to kill each other, both sure they are saving their new democracy from the other – terrifying all 13 new American nations into uniting under one Constitution that didn’t dare mention the rights both Sam Adams and Captain Daniel Shays risked their lives to win.

Main Conflict – The big fight, battle, or struggle that permeates the story from the 2^nd Act to the end of the final Act climax:

Sam Adams understands why his friend Captain Daniel Shays and his thousands of indebt ed veterans are closing courts at gunpoint to stop their government from throwing them in debtors prison – but every court closing triggers calls for an American monarchy to control the new mob-o-cracy after every court closing. As the other 12 new nations meet in Philadelphia to merge their armies and invade the nation of Massachusetts to crush Shays Rebellion before it spreads, Sam demands the rebels wait for the next election to vote for change – or his nation’s army will shoot or arrest and hang them, friends or not. Will the rebels wait to vote for a redress of grievances? If not, will Sam hang Daniel Shays and his other friends in the rebellion?

Not part of assignment, but what I have so far for:

Transformational Journey -The profound journey of internal and external change that the protagonist goes on:

From commitment to individual freedom and self-government without controlling leaders like King and Parliament but manipulating people behind the scenes, through an angry sense of betrayal when the people rise up with guns against his new government and Sam’s own decision to use violence against him to awareness that he cannot hang the rebels with his own hands – as he said he would do even to his own son if he took up guns against the people’s elected government – to awareness that he needs to balance freedom with order through a strong government.

Opposition – The forces that work against your protagonist or prevent them from succeeding, usually represented by one person labeled as the Antagonist:

After the war, Captain Daniel Shays sees his neighbors unfairly suffering because of government actions and his trust in Sam Adams, now a government leader, to redress their grievances immediately or his armed “regulators” will take up arms against their new government’s betrayal… realizing only after the killing starts again, that he has only caused more suffering by his impatience and his refusal to use the vote not violence.

OUTLINE OF STAGE PLAY (THIS IS NOT A FILMSCRIPT)

Structure Beats – You want your structure points to be strong and as obvious as you can make them. That way, the audience will feel them and experience the purpose of each point. Make them strong!

SU Structure Act 1:

Opening: Engaging opening, lures us into the story? Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode?

IN STAGE PLAY – ACT I 1791-1786

(In paren, after Slug, I’ve put the state play’s scene *2 and titles in paren)

Opening –Engages, lures us into the story, lead character is clearly living in a pre-transformational mode:

1. OPENING. AUDIENCE AREA. CURRENT TIME (Curtain Raiser, Current Time) Actor playing Dan rushes out to warn audience the play is biased against today’s patriots, but blocked by actor playing Sam who shows Timothy McVeigh’s t-shirt that glorifies Shays Rebellion. Rachel, actress playing the widow Mrs. Havens insists they start the play.

[If I turn this into a filmscript: EXT. LOT OF MOVIE SET. CURRENT TIME: Actors Dan then Sam grab the camera on the lot, make their case]

2. EXT. HAVENS INN. COVERED WAGON. DAY (Prologue – Settlers Moving West. 1795) Outside ramshackle tavern – owner’s widow, worn down by seeing too much killing in the war, recognizes the drunk guarding an Native American tied by neck to a wagon wheel as Captain Daniel Shays and seductively tries to get him to let the captive escape. Shays does – and settlers chase off after the Indian shooting.

Inciting Incident – Invites and propels us into the journey:

3. EXT. HILL OVERLOOKING HAVENS INN. DAY (I.1 Leaders and Fighters1781) Sam Adams ignores warnings by African American Colonel George Middleton that to become a leader of the newly independent nation of Massachusetts Bay, Sam must act like a leader of the new government not hang out with low level people like his friends in former Boston mobs. Sam cons Middleton into thinking he agrees, then sneaks off to join the people to celebrate the end of the few ruling the millions – now the people will rule themselves through their elected representatives.

Additional Scene:

4. EXT. HAVENS INN. TROOPS GATHERED. DAY (I.2 Victory Celebrations 1781) Tavern is a little less ramshackle than in second scene. Covered wagon is no longer covered – holds supplies, army weapons. Sam and Captain Daniel Shays celebrate their victory against the British empire with Shays’ regiment of white and black soldiers and camp-followers, including the former mob leaders of Boston Henry Swift and Ebeneezer Mackintosh. As the soldiers argue over who will now become rich, maybe even help create an American nobility, Sam shocks them, saying there will be no Lords and Ladies. No King or Queen. No Tyrants telling us what to do. He promises that each of the 13 new independent nations will be a self-governing democracy with equal voting rights regardless of wealth (and laughter that New Jersey will even let women vote.) African American Private Moses Sash starts to say he is free and will vote then stops himself, unsure. Sam reassures him. Massachusetts freed slaves and he fought in the war so he should vote.

Turning Point 1- Twist that locks us into the journey with no going back:

5. INT. CANDLE-LIT ELEGANT PARLOR. EVENING (1.3 The Society 1781) Tory widow tries to get John Hancock to join a group that wants to set up an American nobility. Every civilized country has one. Maybe a king. Sam Adams interrupts the “seduction” just as Hancock starts to try on the crown. Sam determined to get rid of all longing for Americans’ own nobility, royalty and Lords and Ladies being better than others.

SU Structure Act 2:

New Plan – Protag creates new plan did the protagonist to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point – and in same scene –

6. EXT. MONTAGE. FARMS, BOARDING HOUSE. DAY. (1.4 Homecomings 1781) Joy and fears of soldiers and camp-followers returning home. Sam meets some of them, welcoming, reminding them they are free from monarchy, aristocracies – not going to recreate them in the new nation of Massachusetts.

Plan in action – The protagonist takes action on that plan:

7. EXT. ELECTION DAY. OUTSIDE WORCESTER COUNTY COURTHOUSE. DAY (I.5 Election Day 1782?) Veteran, former South End mob leader Ebeneezer MacKintosh, swindles Daniel Shays and his wife out of their army pay in his get rich quick scheme. Despite warnings from an old farmer who has a letter from Sam Adams warning of people’s weakness for baubles and their desire to be better than others, Shays and his wife fall for it because Daniel has joined the Order of the Cincinnati, a group preparing to set up a nobility starting with Continental Army officers.

8. EXT. OUTSIDE GREEN DRAGON TAVERN. DAY (I.6 Shots in the City 1783) Henry Swift, Boston dockworker and former North End mob leader is in debt, angry. Jealous, he takes out his anger – and contempt – first on Dan Shays, a farmer selling his specially of African American Colonel and Native American who have jobs “when white men don’t”. Sam Adams shames him.

Midpoint Turning Point 2: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey?

9. EXT. OUTSIDE WORCESTER COUNTY COURTHOUSE. DAY. (I.7 Shouts in the Country 1784) Sam Adams asks people in Daniel Shays’ County to be patient and not join armed mobs in other counties that are forcing judges to close courts so judges cannot any more neighbors into debtors prison. Sam is shaken by the angry reactions to him – the loss of people’s trust in him as “man of the people” who forged the new self-governing democracy.

SU Structure Act 3:

React/Rethink: After experiencing the rage from the people, Sam realizes he may be a new leader but he is loing the power he had over people before the war. He becomes defensive.

10. INT. GOVERNOR HANCOCK’S OFFICE. DAY (I.8 Mob-o-cracy, 1784) The Tory Widow shames Sam Adams for thinking the people can govern themselves. Court closings by armed mobs are proof, laughing at farmer Job Shattuck claiming to be a General.

New Plan – Protag creates plan to deal with this new level of conflict:

11. INT. THE SHAYS’ KITCHEN. NIGHT.(I.9. Peaceful Protests, 1785) Shays has received a messenger from Sam Adams, saying Sam has lost trust so it is up to Shays to make sure people in Worcester County refuses violence wants to wait for the vote. He and his wife hogtie a rebel, Job Shattuck, who wants Shays to mobilize veterans in his county to join court closings there and in other counties.

12. INT. SAM AND BETSY’S KITCHEN. DAY. (I.10 The Captive, 1786)A veteran, Job Shattuck, who has led his make-shift army to take over a town’s green, is seriously wounded and arrested, in pain. Sam tries to help him, get him to name British infiltrators who manipulated him into taking up arms against their elected government – but Shattuck is furious at Sam and blames him for not helping the people immediately, scoffing at Sam’s need for his time and patience. Sam is devastated as Shattuck is taken off to prison.

Turning Point 3: The lowest of the low. The protag has been brought to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way. This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way.

13. INT. SAM AND BETSY’S BEDROOM. DAWN. (II.1. Decision. 1787) Every court closing triggers more calls for a nobility, maybe an American King – every other nation has one. The 12 other nations are planning to meet in Philadelphia to invade Massachusetts to stop the rebellion so it doesn’t spread to across borders. Sam decides to call out the army of his nation.

Additional Scene:

14. INT. THE SHAYS’ KITCHEN. NIGHT. (II.2. Preparing for War…Again, 1787Shays prepares himself and his closest friends to stop the Massachusetts army from hunting down rebels. He appoints African-American veteran as Captain. They plan escape routes for themselves and Shays’ wife just in case they cannot stop the army.

IN STAGE PLAY – ACT I1; 1781-1786; 1795

Option During Intermission, depending on director’s decision: Quick banter between actors playing Dan and Sam as in Curtain Raiser at the beginning

SU Structure Act 4:

Protag’s reaction to TP 3:

15. INT. HANCOCK’S BEDROOM. DAY. (II.4. Amnesty? 1787) The army is clearing rebels out of every farm town and hollow. Some shot dead. And the nations are in Philadelphia but neither Hancock nor Sam Adams, delegates to the convention 10 years earlier that created the Declaration of Independence, have not been elected as representatives. Hancock, Governor, but in debt himself and ill, wants to stop the rebellion, give amnesty to all the arrested insurgents and let the ones in hiding in Vermont – but Sam Adams refuses. They rebelled against the people’s own elected democracy – no mercy.

16. EXT. HAVENS INN. DAY. (II.3 Blood on the Snow. 1787) The war is going badly for the rebels. Shays’ wife, escaping with her life, meets up with North End mob leader/veteran and his woman who will help her escape to exile in Vermont.

(+) Crisis:

17. INT. SAM AND BETSY’S KITCHEN. DAWN. (II.5 Dawn Visit. 1787) The North End mob leader sneaks Shays and other insurgents into the Adams’ kitchen to ask for amnesty. Sam seems to understand, but pulls his wife’s rifle on them, saying if his own son rebelled against their democracy he would hang him with his own hands. Sam’s wife helps them flee.

Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: The ultimate expression of the conflict. Requires a “fight to the death,” literally and symbolically:

18. INT. DUNGEON. SAME NIGHT. (II.6 The Noose. 1787)Sam has chased Shays, woke the sheriff and Shays is now locked in chains with another prisoner – Job Shattuck. Sickly Hancock has bring brought from his bed. Shays challenges Sam to do what he said he would do even to his own son – hang him with his own hands. Now. Sam cannot. Gives amnesty to the prisoner but Shays must stay in prison. Shays taunts him.

Resolution: The transformation that has taken place and this story comes to a fitting conclusion with the lead character’s behavior showing the change… also a resolution for the antagonist that brings us back up to current time:

19. EXT. OUTSIDE BOSTON’S GOVERNMENT BUILDING. EVENING (II.7 Inauguration. 1793) North End mob leader shows angry toasts from a wagon that is becoming a covered wagon outside the inauguration party for Sam as Governor. South End mob leader, now a guard, sees that Shays is hiding in the wagon. As Shays adds his drunken toasts, Sam tries to stop the guard from arresting or shooting him, realizes he should have listened and stood up for the rebels, tries to apologize but he has lost trust. Sam feels the pain of losing his friends, his connection with his beloved “yeomanry.” His wife Betsy says they are ungrateful for all his sacrifices to create a new world where people have freedom to vote and the wealthy cannot rule us, but the fools chose violence over voting. Sam blames himself – his hatred of the wealthy powerful few ruling the millions, he put too mu trust in the people – and their armed protests forced us to create a new world with both freedom and order. (Resolution Part 1)

20. EXT. HAVENS INN. DAY – SAME TIME AS PROLOGUE. (Epilogue – Settlers Moving West. 1795) Continuous time from Prologue, Shays’ is drinking. His wife has died of consumption contracted when in exile in cold barn. Settlers have dragged back the body of the Native American who escaped in the Prologue. Shays says he killed to create a better life… cannot do that again to create a better life in the West. Leaves the wagon train heading for the Ohio River. Stays with the widow. (Resolution Part 2)

Option, depending on director’s decision: after the play, at the Curtain Call, some shouts, maybe from audience or from actors Sam and Dan, connecting the story to current day extremists who believe in violent protests like Jan 5 2021 over organizing votes for elections.

<div>——————————————————-</div>

NOTE: I double checked and revised several times, using these questions:

ELEVATE YOUR STRUCTURE

Your chance to make these big-picture improvements now and make major improvements to the below-the-surface quality

A. Compare the structure to your Pitch from Lesson 1.

Does this structure clearly deliver that pitch? Are there any parts that distract or deviate from the pitch?Can you make the structure a stronger representation of the pitch?

B. Are there any weak or subtle structure points?

If so, go to the purpose of that structure point and brainstorm ways to fulfill it in a more powerful way.

C. Is the conflict represented well?

Are there strong opposing goals/needs?Who is fighting against who and how aggressive are they?Do you need higher stakes?

D. Could you use a Ticking Clock? If so, how can you make it critically important that they meet the deadline?

E. Are there any turning points that can be stronger?

Is the TP a major twist?Is there clearly no going back?Does this TP force the Protagonist further out of their comfort zone?Does this TP escalate the conflict?

F. Is the Transformational Journey present throughout this story?

G. Does the Midpoint continue the journey, but shift the meaning in a big way?

[Tita Beal Anntares]

ASSIGNMENT 1

Tita’s Project Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment: Well, I know more clearly what I know about my script… for now. Glad to see the main structural elements in it. But I know I will learn a lot more and make many improvements.

Elements for a Pitch – because I will be wordsmithing this I have not boiled it down to a 1-3 minute elevator speech. Just did the 3+ minute race through the key elements of a pitch suggested in the assignment:

A. Genre: Historical Drama

B. Title: Sam’s Rabble

C. High Concept:

Soon after two friends celebrate victory in their war together for democracy, Sam and Dan are ready to kill each other, both sure they are saving their new democracy from the other – and terrifying all 13 new nations into uniting under one Constitution that doesn’t dare mention the rights both Sam Adams and Captain Daniel Shays risked their lives to win.

D. Main Conflict:

Shays and his thousands of indebted veterans close courts at gunpoint to stop their government from throwing them in debtors prison, but Sam hears calls throughout the 13 new nations for an American monarchy to control the new mob-o-cracy so Sam demands the rebels wait for the next election to vote for change – or be shot dead by the army or arrested and hanged.

E. Transformational Journey: Sam, “man of the people”, loses faith in the people’s ability to govern themselves, deploys his army against the rebels and refuses to give amnesty to Shays and others arrested and waiting to be hanged… but realizes he too reacted from anger and fear and wanted to impose his views with the violence of the army.

F. Opposition :After the war, Captain Daniel Shays sees his neighbors unfairly suffering because of government actions and his trust in Sam Adams, now a government leader, to redress their grievances immediately or his armed “regulators” will take up arms against their new government’s betrayal… realizing only after the killing starts again, that he has only caused more suffering by his impatience and his refusal to use the vote not violence.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Hi – Tita Anntares

I’ve written four full length stage plays (three of them contest winners but so far no productions except Zoom staged readings during the covid shutdown), two film scripts for SU courses, several short stage plays. I hope this course will help me revise a stage play and maybe draft a film script version it. And also rewrite from scratch the play I wrote for the 30-Day course. I had to take a pen name (Anntares) after writing one play about a young Saudi falsely accused of raping, torturing and beating an American man.

I’ve taken many SU courses and PS50 and MSC4 certifications but I am writing stage plays not films. After I completed PS50 and returned to a stage play course led by a playwright, everyone was praising me for writing with so much more action, less exposition. I didn’t have the heart to tell them it wasn’t my work in their workshop, it was the Croasmun’s ScreenwritingU.

Something unique? My day jobs have included putting on corporate drag to design/develop sales and management training programs for major Pharma and finance firms AND putting on hand puppets to write, produce and perform in my puppet company for street fairs, museums, children’s hospitals, etc. I’ve quit both to take lighter consulting gigs and make more time for writing plays.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita (Beal) Anntares – I agree to the terms of the agreement.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita is not ready for an exchange but is willing to give feedback on someone’s script

I’m going to take time for distance (and catch up with what I’ve postponed while obsessed with this course.) So I’m signing off until I restart and do all the levels of revision, probably next month. But if one of you gets through all these revision rounds, I’d be glad to be a sounding board while this course is still open.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Chronological Edit…

What I learned from all these assignments up until 28:

I won’t get to this chronological level this week. I w<font face=”inherit”>ill do it after the first draft script has not just been revised.Maybe next month. First I want to go through the full template with a slightly different focus and maybe a different character as </font>protagonist<font face=”inherit”>.*</font>

When ready, SU/Hal revision template that will guide me:

1. Improve the flow.

c Are scenes out of order? are there confusing logic jumps? or don’t move the story forward? Exclude some scenes? Add one to flow better?

2. Improve the clarity.

c Descriptions: will reader we see exactly what you have planned for us.

c Story: So clear reader never has to slow down to figure out what is happening? reader is living in the moment of what is happening in the story.

If anything is unclear, just ask, “What am I trying to accomplish here?” Many times, confusing scenes just mean you hadn’t gotten clear on your purpose in the beginning. That’s easily solve

3. Improve the description.

Make improvements to the description as you read. Use these three strategies:

A) Delete anything that is unnecessary.

B) Find shorter ways to write description.

C) Use stronger nouns and verbs where you can.

4. Improve the dialogue.

c As you read, identify any dialogue that you absolutely love. Keep that!

c Then, notice any dialogue that just feels wrong. Focus on solving that dialogue first. With each line you want to improve, ask, “What would this character say here?” Discover dialogue that will be unique to this character. You don’t want your lead characters talking just like everyone else.

Try ending the scenes with a powerful line. The character might ask a question that takes us into another scene or they might sum up what just happened or they might make a threat. There are many ways to have the scene end with powerful dialogue. Just try on a few.

—

<font face=”inherit”>* I also learned that when I copy/paste from my </font>Word doc here, the reason some of the text doesn’t show up: If I have copied/pasted the assignment onto Word and then completed the assignment by typing under the questions or over the instructions, there are programming codes hidden that do not allow copying here… unless I copy small segments from my Word doc so they are not connected to the original format.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Will Solve Basic Scene Problems after I rehaul the basic structure… probably next month not in this last week

What I learned from this unfinished assignment so far:

Before I get to this level, I need to trust the value of my fast draft, love the story and complete all previous revision rounds before this and next (unless this is a paid assignment then I just need to love my client’s vision!)

—-

The SU/Hal template will guide my work

A) BASIC SCENE PROBLEMS

The basic scene structure rules make sure a scene works. Any scene that is missing one of the basic components could easily be improved.

Ask these questions and fix any scenes that don’t meet your needs.

c What is my most important purpose for that scene and does it deliver on that?

c How does this scene move your story forward?

c What is the conflict of the scene?

c Is there a clear scene arc — a change that occurs from beginning to end of the scene?

B) WEAK SCENES

Sometimes a scene will be good, but could easily be stronger. Often, just elevating one part will improve it dramatically.

See if you can elevate any of these:

c Make the scene arc stronger

c Increase the conflict

c Raise the stakes

c Focus around an interest technique (intrigue, suspense, surprise, betrayal, etc.)

C) SITUATIONS THAT DON’T CHALLENGE CHARACTERS

Every scene has a situation (circumstances of the scene). The more that situation challenges your main characters, the more engaging it is going to be for the audience.

Challenge them in one or more of these areas:

(Goal, Need, Values, Wound, Physically_

D) CLICHÉ SCENES

A cliché is simply something we’ve seen before that the audience might recognize from another movie. Anytime you have a cliché scene, it is an opportunity to be more creative.

c Follow these steps to bust clichés:

c Ask: What is the purpose of this scene?

c Brainstorm 5 to 10 versions that meet that purpose…and are fresh in some way. Pick the best and write it!

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Solved Character Problems… well, not yet (26)

What I learned from this assignment:

– Whether I transpose this filmscript as a stage play or not, I still need to stop listening to my characters’ talk and set up situations where they are not discussing what they want to do and arguing about it cognitively but pushing each other to do something the other person doesn’t want to do in more active, emotional, kinesthetic ways.

– That I have to feel passionate about the protag, not just choose one who would theoretically make an interesting story (a story from the point of view of a well-meaning royal governor in American colonies in the few years before 1776)… so I may rethink the story from the point of view of the character who resonates in me for a similar story – the patriot leader who kicked off the spirit of independence but goes mad and had to be carted out of Boston in a strait jacket before 1776, mentally torn between his love of

o ORDER in Parliament/King, the only nation in the world to let Lords and Commoners vote for reps so the only nation with liberty (and his Tory wife) , and

o FREEDOM for all people that Sam Adams is giving to even the poorest of the poor (and his love of living free of Puritan restrictions)

—

I have many more detailed notes on my script but the highlights, hoping no one reads this mess but posting forces me to do the assignment:

A. WEAK PROTAGONIST OR ANTAGONIST

· Protagonist: Often, the reason the hero might be weak is because you were focusing too much on making them likable. Or you may be worried to take a risk with this character. If so, give yourself permission to take them outside the box a bit. Try making them intriguing or causing them to struggle more. Give them something stronger to fight against. Get us engaged in some other emotion than just liking the character.

Antagonist: This character is there to force the protagonist to change. Make them a big expression of the protagonist’s fear, wound, or main issue in life. Make them intriguing, but more important, they should constantly force the protagonist into difficult situations.

[REVISION NOTES:

· NEED TO REWRITE INTRO OF PROTAG IN FIRST SCENE TO BE MORE DYNAMIC/ACTION TO SAVE ROBINSON FROM MOB

· NEED TO MAKE INTRO OF SAM MORE ACTIVE AS MANIPULATING MOB TO PRAISE HANCOCK

B. PROTAGONIST TOO GOOD OR ANTAGONIST TOO BAD

c Problem: If either character is on the absolute extreme, it reduces or kills relatability. It also may make the character seem improbable. [REV NOTE: ANTAG IS SO CRAFT HE MAY SEEM TOO GOOD]

c Solution: Give those characters some balancing parts. Even though Hannibal Lecter is a psychopath, he has taste and is helping Clarice. You can make your Protagonist relatable and liked, while still giving them some bad habits, internal struggles, and even have them do the wrong thing…on the way to making their change.

c On the other side, your Antagonist may be coming from hate and doing terrible things. But to be believed, they likely have a reason they’re doing all of that and may think they are totally in the right. Or they have an internal issue that they can’t control which is pushing them to do bad things. Either way, consider adding irony (good people doing bad things; bad people doing good things) to your lead characters to make them more interesting.

C. WEAK CHARACTER INTROS

Introduction? For your lead character introduction scenes, the most important thing is to create a scene situation that has this lead character stand out.

c “What scene situation will introduce something unique and surprising about this character?”Either the scene challenges them in a big way or it shows off something important about them. Whatever you do, make this THEIR scene!

[REVISION NOTE: Need to make protag do something more dynamic that is both interesting and related to character and theme. And make intro to antag more manipulative when getting gangs to win over rich Hancock]

Also, check the intro to make sure it includes the following:

c – Have them living in the Old Ways.

c – Put the character in action.

c – Give them interesting dialogue.

c – Challenge them in some way.

c – Consider creating distress to cause us to feel empathy.

c – Their reaction gives us an insight into who they are.

D. CHARACTERS NOT IN ACTION

If you have a lot of talking heads scenes (two characters just talking to each other), then any of those scenes are an opportunity to build in action.

c What is the meaning of their dialogue?

c Knowing the meaning, how can it be delivered through action?

o If they feel like failures, have them make a physical mistake.

o If the angry, have them break something.

o If they hate something, have them attack it. You’ll be surprised how often the meaning can be turned into action.

BTW, there is a difference between busy work — like walking or taking sips of coffee — versus meaningful action. If possible, use action that delivers the deeper meaning.

E. PROTAGONIST JOURNEY NOT STRONG

The protagonist is the character we go on the journey with and it is important that their journey is engaging. Consider these thoughts – to what extent does protag:

c They start with Old Ways and end up with New Ways. [GET A BALANCE BTW SAME GOAL – KEEP UNITED WITH FREE BEST NATION BUT SHOW TRANSITION FROM TELL TO LISTEN TO FAIL BUT PROUD]

c They are forced to confront a major fear or wound. [MAKE HIS FEAR CLEARER EARLIER]

c Their Old Ways are constantly challenged. [CLARIFY OLD WAYS BETTER[

c Their journey is a real obstacle course.[REV: MAP OUT IN CLEARER LINE TO GOAL]

c They have a clear goal for the journey.

c The Antagonist makes their life Hell!

[REV NOTES – CLARIFY ALL OF THE ABOVE]

F. ALL THE CHARACTERS SEEM THE SAME

c If all of your characters talk the same or act the same, then the job is to clarify what makes them unique in their character profiles.

c Once you have interesting profiles, you have the character express that uniqueness in the scenes. Pull out their character profiles and take these simple actions.

c For dialogue: With every line, ask, “How might this line deliver some part of this profile?”

c For action: With each action, ask, “How could this character take this action in their own unique way, based upon their profile?”

[REV NOTE: DO THIS AFTER I CHANGE CONTENT OF SOME SCENES]

G. LEAD CHARACTERS NOT PRESENT

c Do a quick skim of your script. With each scene, check to see which of your lead characters show up. Ninety percent or more of your scenes should have one or more lead characters.

c If you have a lot of scenes that don’t include your lead characters, consider giving some of those scenes to your leads.

c Focus on the lead character’s journey instead of the other characters. Shorten any subplots that don’t include one of the leads.

[REV NOTE: EITHER NEED TO SWAP PROTAG WITH ANOTHER CHARACTER OR BUILD A MUCH MORE DYNAMIC . MORE ACTIVE AND CLEARER GOAL FOR H AS PROTAG

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Solved Structural Problems

What I learned from this assignment:

· That I saw so many problems, I am going to take time to think, distance then revise

-I realized that I probably need to change my protagonist. Make him one of two antagonists and raise the madman to protag. I chose a different character for a filmscript version, because the play breaks the 4^th wall with the audience. But the idea I have for a stage play version of this story turns out that’s what interests my soul and/or gut or whatever (… assuming I’m not hiding from the need for a major revision of the first draft of this script.)

I got to that realization by going through SU/Hal questions with the script and taking notes on the script and copying more general notes here on the template/revision guidelines:

Act 1:

c Opening/Old Ways: Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Do the “Old Ways” show up in their behavior and dialogue? [REVISION NOTES: NEED TO REWRITE INTRO OF PROTAG IN FIRST SCENE TO BE MORE DYNAMIC/ACTION TO SAVE ROBINSON FROM MOB; ALSO INTRO ANTAG MORE MANIPULATIVELY]

Inciting Incident: How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey? [REVISION NOTE: GO FASTER TO CHARACTER’S EMOTIONAL FREAKING OUT, LESS TALK;

cTurning Point: How is this Turning Point a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?” [REVISION NOTE – AGAIN, I THINK I MISUNDERSTOOD BEGIN/MID/END AS SEPARATE SCENES. COMBINE THEM ALL, MOVE FASTER]

Act 2:

c New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point? [REVISION NOTE: CLARIFY NEW PLAN BETTER AND DO IT IN ACTION< NOT TALK]

c Plan in action: How does the protagonist take action on that plan? [REV – I THINK OKAY]

c Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey? [REVISION NOTE – NEED TO CHANGE TO STRONGER IMPACT ON H – SHOW SHAME, FEAR, ONLY ANSWER IS TO UNITE? OR SOMETHING DIFFERENT…. COULD GO BACK TO MAKE DESTRUCTION OF HIS HOME THE MIDPOINT AND SPEED THRU THIS]

Act 3:

c React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things? [REV NOTE – NEED TO SHOW H MORE CLEARLY ONE WAY IN BEGINNING – POLITE, ACCOMMODATING: AND AFTER MIDPOINT- ANGRY, FEARFUL, FIRM, DESPERATE FOR UNITY TO KEEP CIVILIZED GOOD GOVT VS THE MOB RULE. MERGE MIDPOINT PAIN WITH NEW PLAN]

c New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict?

c Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way.[REV NOTE: SHOW PROTAG’S SHAME BETTER – SHAME TO ANGER]

Act 4:

c Dilemma: What emotional dilemma requires the protagonist to choose between two alternatives, losing something with either choice? [REV NOTE: NEED TO CLARIFY CHOICE AFTER MIDPOINT AND IN TURNING PT MORE CLEARLY SO H CHOICE BETWEEN OLD DOMINATING LEADER AND HIS FAILING ATTEMPT TO BECOME A NEW COLLABORATIVE LISTENER/PARTNER…]

c Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically? [REV NOTE: I NEED TO =

-ALIGN THE FIGHT BETTER WITH THEME AND BUILD THE GROWING CONFLICT THROUGHOUT MORE FOCUSED ON FINAL SCENE.

-MAYBE CREATE A DIFFERENT CRISIS IF THIS FEELS STRETCHED.

-SHOW BETTER THAT H’s NEW COLLABORATIVE, HUMAN WAY OF BEING A LEADER FAILS BECAUSE HE CANNOT CHANGE THE ARISTOCRATIC LEADERS HE RESPECTS. SO HE LOSES HIS ATTEMPT TO KEEP COLONIES CONNECTED WITH THE NATION HE CONSIDERS THE MOST FREE NATION IN A WORLD OF KINGS AND TYRANTS…

… BECAUSE HE DOESN’T REALIZE THERE IS A NEW ALTERNATIVE BIRTHING. BUT HE WINS HIS SELF-RESPECT. HATED BY LORDS OF PARLIAMENT AND BY NEW PATRIOT LEADERS OF THE AMERICAN COLONIES. BUT HE HAS KEPT HIS HUMANITY, HANGED NONE OF THE REBELS]

c Resolution: How does this resolution represent the “New Ways” and bring this story to a fitting conclusion?

c New Ways: What are the New Ways and do they clearly show up in your lead character’s Act 4 behavior and dialogue?

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Filled in Missing Scenes (24)

What I learned from this assignment:

– That my first draft characters are too talky

– Instead of finding missing scenes, I realized I used the beginning-middle-end template for key scenes too literally. I made a separate scene for each of those three parts to set up, get to the action, then have a result. So the script moves too slowly. I need to jump in earlier and turn words into more dynamic action or words that are not just conversational but one character is trying to get something from the one they are arguing with so the words are covers for verbal knives, bulldozers or whatever

– Character intros need to be clearer, stronger and involving actions that are related to theme

I considered these questions as well as the overwriting, 3 for 1 scenes –

c Places the story jumps abruptly.

c Places where it just doesn’t flow well.

c Logic jumps that could be solved by adding a scene.

c Situations where we need to understand character better.

c Where you need a scene to set up something in the future.

c Where characters appear out of nowhere.

c Or characters from the 1st Act disappear until the 3rd or 4th Act.

All notes are on the script’s second draft and in short hand to me, not here.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Act IV Resolution

What I learned from this assignment:

After meticulously following the guidelines on the assignment templates for speedwriting a first draft of a script, I am amazed how this has not just been 23 cognitive, step by step “lessons” but a creative process. Who knew that forcing myself to follow assignments would free the creative flow, help past bits of story ideas to ‘fleshen,’ flow together, show up in the script. I thought I was just following instructions and allowing myself to write terribly… but reaching this assignment does what Hal promised – gave me a great feeling of accomplishment without judging quality – and also incredible gratitude that Hal/SU midwifed the play I needed to write (“play” because I will translate this script into a stage play, starting at the end, through Otis’ insane mind.) It remains to be seen if today I have birthed a stillborn fetus or a baby that, with care and feeding, can grow and strengthen. That’s to find out, starting tomorrow.

The process has been an overwhelming challenge because I chose a story I really care about and is not commercial. Forget 60-90 minutes a day! I love learning dramatic structure, but rarely can write even a short scene based on instructions. Those attempts usually end up flat. But given permission to write a script that is 80% or more dreadful, I made a commitment to myself to follow the assignments in this course even if that disrupted my work, family and personal life and sleep. I promised I would not reach the end of the course wishing I had finished and making excuses about why I couldn’t “but will someday.” I have wanting to turn the story in my mind into a dramatized story for years, trying on my own or signing up for weekly playwriting workshops, hating my work, giving up, tabling it, trying again, wondering why I keep needing to bring the story to life. To go woowoo, I feel as if Hutchinson and/or his biographer, Bernard Bailyn, are guiding, shaping what had been my messy hodgepodge of ideas before I could use SU/Hal assignments as a scaffolding.

SU Notes (So I have them in front of me while I write)”

The Hero has been forced through an incredible gauntlet. With that, the transformation has occurred. They have changed their life and the Old Ways are behind them. Now, the New Ways have become a natural part of their behavior. The final scene — the Resolution — is about showing us what their life is like after this change.

Your job is to wrap up the story and make sure it includes these main components:

A. The story conflict comes to an end. B. The characters are now in their “new normal.”C. The “New Ways” are showing up as part of their regular lives. D. Both Genre and Theme are represented in this scene.<div>

Original Beat Sheet Thoughts for Resolution

— Original thoughts from beat sheet for this scene: Resolution 9 The change has been made or tested. We now see the new status quo of the Hero.

SCENE A- Genl Gage and Brit Commissioner Robinson offerd H lots of goodies in England as they send him off on ship to tell King… he turns them down. Commissioner says when hes in London he’ll b glad to have them -and more;

SCENE B- H in England surrounded by Brit aristocrats, trying to groom him for his meeting with king. He refuses – tries to defend Americans… alone and surrounded by fops.

Question – end with him with King, trying to advocate for colonies, lighten harsh Port Act?

OUTLINE OF ACT IV Resolution

Beginning:

Cut fast to London. Elaborately dressed people are preparing Hutchinson for audience with king, reviewing what he should or not say if asked about turning down offers because that might sound arrogant or ungrateful, and not to tell king about the views he expressed in his letters. [Hutch – Bailyn p 290-292 – Baron, House of Commons, gov of different colony.Gives up baron, house of commons, gov of another colony]

Middle:

With the king. Close to verbatim of actual conversation.

End:

Hutchinson’s daughter, at first excited to hear about the audience with the king, comforts her father because he is longing to go back to his country home in Milton, loves the simplicity of the colony, Wants to return, hopes people will someday understand he aimed at his countrymens true interest. wishes people had listened to each other rather than blaming each other as enemies. His own people with each other. Settlers with Natives. Place at their simple temp residence in London… or maybe in fashionable restaurant with people commenting as they pass by. [NOTE: for details when I revise – Bailyn’s bio of H, p 290-292 etc]

First Draft Script for Act IV, Resolution

Beginning:

INT. LORD DARTMOUTH’S DRESSING ROOM- DAY

Elaborately dressed courtiers are preparing Hutchinson for audience with king. As they speak, one man servant goes through great challenges to dress Lord Dartmouth I ways that please him. He gestures which garments from a high pile he wants, then doesn’t like, wants a different one. Another man man servant keeps trying to add fancy stuff to Hutchinson’s suit and he politely pushes each attempt away – his light blue satin that he wore in the colonies on special occasions but that now, here in London seems plain -needs ruffles, scarves, lace, gold braid, etc. [NOTE: In future draft, find research on people Hutch wrote to from colonies and turn courtiers into specific named reps from House of Lords, House of Commoners]

COURTIER ONE

You have the protocol correct. You can go in as soon as Lord Dartmouth is ready. That gives us time to discuss another concern — what you will say to His Majesty, not how

HUTCHINSON

I’ll simply tell the truth. If I can remember anything afte twenty-eight days at sea.

[Courtiers shudder and squeal, gasp “No”… “Never to that with the king!”… “What??!!”]

Courtier One

The king may ask you why you have turned down our offer to make you a baron.

LORD DARTMOUTH

You must come up with a better response than you are so honored but you don’t have the financial resources. The king knows we can give you the financial resources if necessary.

HUTCHINSON

But my position would only give a title to my oldest son. I love all my children.

LORD DARTMOUTH

Don’t say anything like that. It would be rude.

COURTIER TWO

That was the first time we’d ever heard someone refuse an offer to join the nobility. And then turn down our offer to make sure you are elected to the House of Commoners.

LORD DARTMOUTH

You said you hope to return to the colonies. The king knows I assured you we could still get you appointed Governor of a more loyal colony as soon as there’s an opening.

COURTIER TWO

Or we can arrange one for you.

COURIER ONE

You’ve already rejected all our offers. And the king knows it.

[To others]

How can we make sure Governor Hutchinson doesn’t sound arrogant or ungrateful?

COURIER TWO

Or two unsophisticated to realize the value of our offers.

HUTCHINSON

If I accept any of your offers, I will confirm the lies they told about me. That I only support Parliament to get appointments and titles for myself and my friends and family.

LORD DARTMOUTH

Why do you care what the descendants of our poorhouses and jails say about you?

HUTCHINSON

I hope to return home someday. Home to America. When the problems have been resolved.

[Couriers look at each other, groaning, squirming]

COURIER TWO

Never say that to the King!

HUTCHINSON

Why not?

COURIER TWO

He might ask you why you want to – and what we could do to solve the problems.

HUTCHINSON

I have many suggestions. If someone had listened to me – I tried to explain why the colonies just want the same rights as British citizens here – maybe His Majesty could-

[All courtiers interrupt, gasping and reacting – “That’s the point!”… “Exactly!”… “That’s the problem!”]

COURTIER ONE

Promise us. You will not tell His Majesty about any of your ideas.

COURTIER TWO

If he thinks we didn’t follow-

LORD DARTMOUTH

[interrupting]

We didn’t think they were appropriate. You cannot rehash all your provincial solutions during your short time with His Majesty.

COURTIER TWO

Right. He will become extremely impatient with you. He can become quiet upset at the slightest irritation.

LORD DARTMOUTH

Any mention of all the many ways to solve the colonial problem will drive him, ah…

COURTIER ONE

-To turn against you.

COURTIER TWO

That’s why we’ve made all these offers to you – to protect you.

HUTCHINSON

From His Majesty??

LORD DARTMOUTH

Time to go in. Just say as little as possible. No specifics!

[They guide him up to a huge door, tap on it.]

Middle: 9Bailyn 358-359; king 275-278

INT. ELABORATE KING’S RECEPTION ROOM – DAY

Hutchinson and Lord Dartmouth stand

KING GEORGE III

Good day, Lord Dartmouth. Please wait in our private quarters. We will join you in a moment.

[He gestures to a door. Lord Dartmouth bows quickly and disappears through the door]

KING, Continued

Welcome home, Mr. Hutchinson. We wanted to speak to you as soon as you disembarked because you must know more about the colonies than anyone else… Lord Dartmouth here says you have written a detailed history of Massachusetts.

HUTCHINSON

Yes, Your Majesty. Not yet finished. We had some interruptions. But soon.

KING

I understand many of your writings were destroyed by those mobs. We have mobs too, but thankfully the walls of the palace keep the at a distance. Of course you had to ask us to send protection. You and your family could have been murdered – not just your home destroyed. Nothing could be more cruel then their betrayal of private correspondence. Publishing your letters. I understand you have suffered much abuse and injury on account of your service to us.

HUTCINSON

[Overwhelmed, kneels]

Thank you.

KING

I know most of the names of the men Dr. Franklin sent your letters for publication. But who is the John Adams? I have heard of one Mr. Adams, but who is this second one?

HUTCHINSON

[Back up]

A lawyer.

KING

Brother to the other?

HUTCHINSON

No, cousin.

KING

In such abuse as you met with, Mr. Hutchinson. I suppose there must have been personal malevolence against you as well as party rage?

HUTCHINSON

It has been my good fortune, Sir, to escape any charge against me in my private character. The attacks have been upon my public conduct… for such thins as my duty to Your Majesty required me to do and which you have been please to approve.

KING

I heard they threatened to pitch and feather you.

HUTCHINSON

Tar and feather, may it please Your Majesty. But I don’t remember that every I was threatened with that.

KING

What guard had you in all the turmoils?

HUTCHINSON

I depended, Sir, on the protection of Heaven. I had no other guard. I was not conscious of having done anything of which they could justly complain. If they discovered that I was afraid, that would encourage them to go on.

KING

After your home in Boston was attacked, it is true you live generally now in the countryside?

HUTCHINSON

Yes, seven or eight miles from the town. A pleasant situation. Most gentlemen from abroad say it has the finest prospect and views they ever saw.

KING

I’m glad for you. I am so glad to speak with you. Tell me, what is the state of Mr. John Hancock’s finances -truly the wealthiest man in your colony?

HUTCHINSON

He was when he inherited it from his uncle. But Samuel Adams seems intent on flattering Mr. Hancock to, what shall I say, “share” his funds with the radicals?

KING

What accounts for Sam Adams’ importance? He bankrupted his father’s brewery. What kind of position or salary is he intent on acquiring?

HUTCHINSON

No position or salary, Sir. Just control of the minds of the people.

KING

Oh, dear. Satan’s power. Can’t the clergy control him? I don’t understand how it is possible for upright clergymen, in the name of liberty or the public good to join with the people against the government, preach immorality and tolerate evil.

HUTCHINSON

They are, Sir, dependent on the people in their flocks. As you know, Congreational pastors and elders are elected by the people. And when the people are dissatisfied, they vote to throw them out.

HUTCHINSON

He professes his faith. As if the Lord chose him to lead the Hebrews out of Egypt.

KING

But many in the colonies of the South are Anglican. Are they united with your New England colonies or more loyal to us?

HUTCHINSON

The calls for liberty are just as strong. You have heard of Patrick Henry’s cry “Give me liberty or give me death?” So hypocritical – with two hundred thousand enslaved Africans.

KING

Well, we have taken a firm stand. We hope the Coercive Acts and our troops closing of the Port of Boston will encourage loyalty and caution in all the other colonies. Do the people realize there are certain consequences for ignoring the needs and wishes of the parent?… So? How did the people receive the news of Parliament’s recent measures? We felt it necessary to limit the range of action allowed to your town meetings, control who can be on juries.

HUTCHINSON

The people are extremely alarmed…

KING

That’s a step. I was particularly glad Parliament agreed we must appoint the members of your Council to the Governor, not let people elect them. Lord Dartmouth passed me your explanation about the original charter giving the people the right to vote on too many decisions. Are the new measures having a strong impact.

HUTCHINSON

The measures are extremely severe. They are causing much distress to the life of the town.

KING

Do you think they are unnecessarily severe?

HUTCHINSON

I cannot presume to judge. There is always a danger that the more harsh, the more anger.

KING

But if harsh enough, no one will dare flaunt our authority, right?

[Hutchinson starts to object but stops himself]

KING, Continued

We are blessed to have subjects like you. We were sure you would agree that the Coercive Acts and the Boston Port Bill are the only wise and effectual method to bring the colonies to a speeding submission. Enforce qualifications for vote for representatives in the assembly and the council, Finally, we will establish at least some government over the state of anachy in your province. Before that spreads. Now come – we have refreshments. And we – ah, I – I want to know so much about Massachusetts compared with the other provinces in New England. And who in your family has come with you to England. Why you do not grow wheat. How many Indians are still there – and why they were dying out…. Come – you must be exhausted. A little chat – I only have about two hours. Then I really recommend staying at home. We have provided find accommodations for you. Just rest for a few days to recover from the effects of your voyage. I, too can relax. We have subdued the French in Canada. And now you have reassured me that the dissatisfied men in the rest of our American provinces will soon realize they too must submit.

HUTCHINSON

I hope so, your Majesty. I actually do have some suggestions.

KING

Yes, I heard you have sent guidance to many members of Parliament. More than enough. You have done your best. Time now to enjoy the fruits of your labors.

[Hutchinson starts to speak, hesitates, and the King has already turned, is going through the door to his private quarters where we can see Lord Dartmouth and the other courtiers waiting.

Hutchinson stands motionless. The King looks back. Hutchinson flashes a smile and slight bow, quickly follows him into the private quarters.]

###

[NOTE: End of play? If not, I planned this ending… but I feel the play just ended without needing this and 20 percenters don’t have to figureout what works best –

Ending:

INT. FASIONABLE LONDON RESTAURANT- NIGHT (Unless that was the end of the play

Hutchinson’s daughter, at first excited to hear about the audience with the king, comforts her father because he is longing to go back to his country home in Milton, loves the simplicity of the colony, Wants to return, hopes people will someday understand he aimed at his countrymen’s true interest. wishes people had listened to each other rather than blaming each other as enemies. His own people with each other. Settlers with Natives. He knows he has failed – lost courage to tell King that harsh measures will only … but also knows that at least he kept trying to get Parliament to

Place at their simple temp residence in London… or maybe in fashionable restaurant with people commenting as they pass by.]

24 Fill In Missing Scenes
</div>

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: I changed courtier 3 to Lord Dartmouth but didn't do that consistently so I wanted to be able to know what I'm re=reading if I re-read this

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Act IV Climax (22)

What I learned doing this assignment:

My original description of this main beat and outline of this scene was too focused on talking about stuff vs characters making something physical or emotional happen

There are many events/interpersonal conflicts that I could choose for the climax, but as I read over SU/Hal template/guidelines, everything seemed flat and boring and I hated the whole story.

· Deep breath time. When I re-read the SU description of what needs to be in the Act IV key screens, I realized that I should not focus on the many optional climax events that fit into the What happens next/and then what storyline…

· …instead I held the SU/Hal descriptions of the elements that need to be in the climax scene to make it powerful… ultimate expression of conflict/theme, Protag-Antag, test Protag to the core; Protag finds new way to succeed – even if succeed means to get what you need not what you wanted…

· …then think about/feel ways to mix those elements with the theme and what matters to me personally, why the f am I writing this thing… not just choose an interesting moment or challenge from the storyline’s options.

· So the job was to look inside me to find out what would really strip open my Protag – and that I personally care about and want to communicate.

SU Dramaturgy Notes about Climax Scene

(repeated here so I keep them in mind a I outline/write)

Climax Scene: Ultimate expression of the conflict; The Test. This is the ultimate expression of the conflict. Face to face with the Antagonist for the ultimate fight! This is an impossible situation that the Hero can only win with the change they have made in their lives. It is the ultimate expression of the New Ways.

Throughout this story, you’ve been forcing the Protagonist to step outside their comfort zone and go on a transformational journey. By this point, they’ve made the change that was needed. The Climax puts that change to an extreme test!

Act IV Key Scenes

Key Scene 1: Reaction to 3rd Act Turning Point.

Key Scene 2: Protagonist faces their Dilemma.

Key Scene 3: Climax – The Ultimate Expression of The Conflict.

This scene or series of scenes will be the ultimate expression of the main conflict of this story. If the Hero was required to face this test at the beginning of the story, they would have had zero chance of success or survival. But with their transformation, they have become a worthy opponent. Your job as a writer is to make this the most difficult challenge you can imagine. Do not let your lead character off lightly

This is one of the strongest moments in your story. The most important job is to just make sure you fulfill the criteria listed above. Don’t worry about being perfect. You can always fix this in future drafts. As long as you get the main points in place, you’ll do well. And have fun doing it!

There are four parts to the Climax.

A. It is the ultimate expression of the conflict.

B. The Protagonist and Antagonist come face-to-face.

C. This scene tests the Protagonist to the core.

D. They must use the New Ways to succeed.

Specifically:

A. This is the ultimate expression of the conflict.

· Start with the main conflict of your story. Ask, “What could be the ultimate expression of that conflict?”

· If the story is about two neighbors who have friction, the Climax might be them blowing each other’s houses up. If two potential lovers lock eyes in the opening scenes, the ultimate expression of that “conflict” might be a wedding.

· Whatever that conflict is, take it to an extreme in the Climax.

B. The Protagonist and Antagonist come face-to-face.

· We’ve been watching the Antagonist heap emotional abuse upon the Protagonist for most of the movie. If those two don’t fight it out at the end, the audience will feel slighted. Your job is to craft this story so that these two are put in a cage and have to fight it out!

C. This scene tests the Protagonist to the core.

· The Climax is a trial-by-fire to see if the Protagonist has made the transformation. If they learned their lesson, they’ll survive. But it will be one of the most difficult ordeals they’ve ever experienced. You’ll make sure of that!

D. They must use the New Ways to succeed.

This is going to present an impossible situation for the Protagonist. To solve it, they must demonstrate their competence in the New Ways. The Old Ways are gone. The New Ways have become their go-to behavior an

Key Scene 4: Resolution – Wrap it up and show us the new status quo

Notes based on early planning and changes based on the above:

Main conflict of the story: Find a way to balance society’s need for order and individuals’ desire for liberty, freedom and the right to have a say in what impacts their lives.

What change does protag need to make in order to win, but resists?

–Protag’s goal – Hutch wants to keep colonies united with Great Britain in order to keep the nation with the most liberty of any other nation in a world of tyrants

–Obstacles – people on both sides have their own goals and will not listen to each other’s needs (Parl wants money to repay war debt; Colonial merchants want to keep profits not lose some in tariffs; Colonial citizens want to keep their charter rights as British citizens to govern themselves by electing representatives who set laws and taxes… not let Parliament 1000+ miles away make decisions for them

–Old ways that are preventing Protag from keeping colonies united: telling, explaining existing laws, minimizing colonists’ concerns, not listening or collaborating to find solution that meet each other’s needs, enforcing the laws of the overall nation and to force colonists to understand that their charter gives them

–New ways the Protag needs to accept and use in order to win: listen, try to collaborate, and if that is not possible, value individuals’ needs for rights and freedoms as much as the need for obedience to law and order

–What does winning mean -Protag wins goal or loses goal but wins what Protag really needed to evolve as a full human being? Hutch realizes he will not achieve his goal of keeping the colonies united with the Mother Country but knows he has not overrided people’s right and tried his best to protect his fellow colonists and their need for equal rights, even if the Lords of Parliament refused to listen to Hutch

Outline of Act IV. Climax**

Beginning: Hutch spots Sam. Hancock runs. Hutch holds Sam at gunpoint. Otis rages. Sam teases Hutch – award for top of hangmen’s list. Hutch – Sam may get his independence but will lose the fine balance between … Sam, never wanted independence. Wanted our liberties as British citizens. Go ahead – make me a martur so others can replace me. Better ones. Otis has a psychotic breakdown fit calling for both order and freedom. Both Sam and Hutch dive to help him.

Middle: Otis manically wanting both, men, both national order and personal freedom. Hutch lets loose his bitterness about Sam, never listening, no patience, escalating, using people – Sam says he wanted our liberties as British citizens and shames Hutch for not joining him – Sam wanted nothing Hutch wanted position and money… Hutch retorts that Sam wanted something more – control over the people and history. Sam – if that means leading people to save their liberty fine, Hutch – he also wanted Brit liberties. But not thru bloodshed. If we negotiate, we can stay unified inability to get Parl to understand, care – and to get Sam to wait. Sam – can’t wait. Hutch could have been negotiated if you had waited. Sam if we did … Hutch – once the soldiers take over – you’ll fight yourselves.not take actions, our liberties would be gone.

End: Guards say troops have come. Hutch – we’ve both failed. If we had just listened to each other – talked over ways to resolve. Not blamed and demonized each other. Sam … Hutch: Go fast. Sam – so you can tell people guards shot me as I ran? Hutch – I’ll tell them Andrew misunderstood – told them the ravings of a madman. Go. Otis needs help – Otis runs gets a horse.

22. First Draft of Act IV Climax

[Note – change end of III so that Hutch does not let the Commissioner into his carriage – and Hutch refuses an armed guard]

EXT. HUTCHINSON’S CARRIAGE ON ROAD NEAR FIELD (Beginning)

[Hutchinson and Andrew are looking out window of carriage, parked by a field. Hutchison has a spyglass. Otis can be seen in corner with hands covering face]

ANDREW

Look over there – the men running. The tall one with the lace – Hancock! Got to be him!

[Hutchinson and Andrew fly out of the carriage. Hutchinson has a pistol. Hancock, in his velvets and lace, sees them, runs off in another direction, hides behind a tree where he can watch. But they catch up with the other man – it is Sam Adams. Otis, unsteady, comes to join them, unsure what is happening]

SAM ADAMS

Hmm, thought they had sent you off to London.

HUTCHINSON

You’re under arrest for treason to our country for-

SAM ADAMS

I didn’t shut down the people’s House of Representatives. You did, Governor. Deprived us of our right to govern ourselves.

OTIS

[Manic at Hutchinson]

Right! Denying us our charter rights… from the King… more than one hundred years ago. Take away one of our rights, we lose them all. Little by little. Lose our liberty!

HUTCHINSON

[Trying to talk over Otis]

Get yourself under control, Mr. Otis! I must arrest him… for holding an illegal assembly meeting. To send conspirators to Philadelphia. You, too, Otis.

OTIS

I will never want independence. Sam wants it!

SAM ADAMS

Nonsense! We only want to protect our rights as British citizens!

HUTCHINSON

Andrew – the driver has handcuffs. Please get them.

SAM ADAMS

Does that pistol signify you’ve been promoted to Private in the royal army?

HUTCHINSON

My duty as your Governor. And as a loyal British citizen. Enforce the laws. And arrest anyone who breaks the laws.

OTIS

[Manic, switching to Sam]

Tearing us apart from the Mother Country! Over pennies!

[Seems to be choking on his own words]

OTIS, Con’t

You and Hancock. Top of His Majesty’s hanging list! That’s why. Couldn’t you thank Parliament for taking off the tax. They tried to help us. But no, you destroy… Over a few pennies on imports of tea.

[Otis collapses to the ground, jerking. Both Sam and Hutchinson dive down to grab Otis, find themselves both holding him, very close to each other’s face… an awkward moment before they edge away from each other, but stay on ground trying to calm Otis who seems to come back to himself]

(Middle)

OTIS

[touching Sam’s face gently]

Why couldn’t we demand our rights and follow the law?

[pushing Hutchinson’s face away roughly]

OTIS, Con’t

Why couldn’t you listen to us. Tell Parliament why we want our rights as first class citizens?!

HUTCHINSON

I tried.

[Andrew arrives with the cuffs and starts putting them on Sam]

Thank you. Now then, come – into the carriage. Or should we tie you to the back of it?!

ANDREW

Sorry, Sir –

[Sam so he is now sitting on ground, cuffed. Andrew gives keys to Hutchinson. Otis tries to attack Hutchinson but Andrew grabs Otis.]

ANDREW, Con’t

Respect Governor Hutchinson.. Sir. He’s a fine man who loves the colony and nation. You needed to control your mobs.

OTIS

Not mine!!

[Pointing at Sam]

His!

[Andrew forces him gently back to carriage, leaves him with the driver and returns.]

HUTCHINSON

I wrote many letters. That’s why Parliament rescinded the tax.

SAM ADAMS

You wrote letters siccing the royal army on everyone in Boston.

HUTCHINSON

Your mobs destroyed my home, my writings.

SAM ADAMS

If you had listened to us – joined us. Used your power from the Crown to demand Parliament stop infringing on our rights as first class citizens.

HUTCHINSON

Your agents only stole the letters about the destruction of my home, threats to my family. Why didn’t you publish my others? I wrote days and nights for you – trying to explain. Trying to stand up for the colonies. With negotiation. Without bloodshed. But every time I insisted colonists were decent citizens just concerned about losing their liberties – bam, you and your mobs.

[As he gestures, he drops pistol. Despite cuffs, Sam has it. Andrew risks his life to take it but Sam gives it up easily.]

SAM ADAMS

We never wanted violence. We wrote letters, town meeting resolves – no one listens to us. Unless we stop talking. Do something to force you and your Lords in Parliament to understand.

HUTCHINSON

You and Otis have demonized me since my father won disputes against each of your fathers. Every time I tried find a way to resolve the rights of our Parliament and our colonial assemblies, you blamed me for –

SAM ADAMS

[Interrupting]

“Every time” we tried to stop the Lords of Parliament from taking away our rights, you accused us of breaking Parliament’s laws – what about protecting our rights?

HUTCHINSON

We have both failed. I will tell Andrew and the driver we believed the ravings of poor mad Otis.

[Hutchinson unlocks the cuffs, turns his back to Sam, walks back to the carriage. Sam gets up, looking at Hutchinson thoughtfully. Hancock runs in from where he has been hiding, exhuberantly embracing Sam]

HANCOCK

Thank heavens I’ve rescued you! Come fast. We can still reach the wagon for Philadelphia.

[Sam goes with him, solemnly]

My Template Check of Climax Scene(s):

c A. Main Conflict? What is the main conflict of the story? _______ How is this scene the ultimate expression of the conflict?

c B. Face to Face? How do the Protagonist and Antagonist come face-to-face to deal with the emotional abuse the Antag has been heaping on the Protag ____

c C. Tested? How is the Protagonist tested to the core? ______ How does this trial-by-fire show if Protag has made the transformation, learned the lesson they need to survive? _____ How do you make sure that this confrontation one of the most difficult ordeals they’ve ever experienced?

c D. Needs New Ways? How is this an impossible situation for the Protag? ___ How must Protag use New Ways to demonstrate their competence and succeed – or not? ____

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: Why is my posting booked as 10:17 pm when it is 5:17 pm ET and 2:17 pm PT? Just curious - I check the details because of the other problems I was having, sections missing when I copied/pasted from a Word doc. No problems like that anymore. Maybe because I was copying/pasting the assignment from the email then writing on it and there were left over glitches. No problems now because I start typing the assogmemt in a clear space on a Word doc, separate from the copied assigment

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Act IV – the First Scenes (Assignment 21)

What I learned doing this assignment:

1. The SU template with structure points helps me notice early when I am including a scene that is too much background and doesn’t jump fast enough to what matters. Also, a simple reminder to sketch out a beat then divide it into beginning, middle and end stops me from just letting everyone talk and carry on. I can tell the folks fighting it out in my mind that I get to set priorities. And the template’s structure helps me skip scenes that would be tangents, slow, or off target.

2. As I look over my original beat sheet and descriptions of scenes, given the SU guidelines for what needs to happen in each act, I find that the events and interactions that actually happened in this historical time can easily be grouped into the SU outline. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m writing a script about a historical event or if this is organic human story telling and the elements of the SU outline would happen with any story.’

3. I realized for some stories, I would need to know what the climax involves and “backward chain” to the earlier scenes so they lead up and into the climax. I’ll think about trying this model on another play, but doing the assignments backwards so I know where I want to go before I start building Acts/Scenes.

4. To minimize the numbers of digital files flying around need to create an overall worksheet to help me track ‘n merge:

– My original beat sheet description/outline of the entire script

– For each Act and Assignments for Writing its Scenes, the related:

o SU dramaturgy notes as a template with notes for this step in the writing

o Impact on this assignment’s scenes from changes I made to the previous beats or sequence as I outlined and wrote them

o Outline of key scene(s) in the assignment

o First Draft of key scene(s) in the assignment

– A growing script, maybe with subheads that make explicit the trainer wheels (template elements), so I can track what’s what when I revise.

– A system for “nomenclature” so each file is titled in ways I won’t get mixed up with old/current drafts and will be able to find what I want when I need it for this script and future ones when the SU/Hal dramaturgy template will help me git ‘r done rather than snooze on the couch under a velvet blanket, flow with Hallmark tv love, walk or play with my cats during the hours I have reserved for script writing…

SU Notes on Act IV (Captured here so I kept them in mind while outlining and writing)

The 4th Act is the biggest of all the Acts. It is often where the lead character’s dilemma is resolved, the ultimate expression of the conflict is played out, and we get to see the final resolution. This is going to be fun to write! Everything that you’ve written before this has set up an amazing ending that will leave the audience blown away! Just follow the structure and it will happen.

Act 4:

Key Scene 1: Reaction to 3rd Act Turning Point.

· The 3rd Act Turning Point is the worst. It has brought the Protagonist to their knees and forced them to face utter failure. They are definitely going to have a reaction! However, in many movies, this reaction is short because things are happening fast.

· Essentially, we’re on the edge of a train wreck, so the reaction may happen in just a moment. Just ask yourself this, “If that 3rd Act TP happened to me, how would I react?” Be honest. That moment is very stressful. Ask the question about yourself, then ask it about the Protagonist. Even if he or she is a bad ass, this kind of attack will knock anyone for a loop

Key Scene 2: Protagonist faces their Dilemma.

Some dilemmas are faced before the Act 3 TP and others are faced right as the Protagonist goes into the Climax. And there are others that come up and the character makes a decision…only to change their mind in the Resolution. You decide when and how the Hero faces their dilemma. But there are three keys to a great dilemma: The dilemma:

has been pushing and pulling on their emotions throughout the story.gives them two choices, both of which are extremely uncomfortable or even terrible. makes the decision part of the Transformational Journey.

Remember, this story is about a character who was completely opposed to change. Then they took this journey and were forced to make this decision that truly shows that they changed. That is the role that the Dilemma plays in the journey. Don’t worry if you hadn’t built a dilemma into your script before this. You can go back at any time and add it to your story. Just look at the examples below and you’ll see where the writer did that. (Note ** Some questions – what is the main change the hero needs but doesn’t want to make? What happens that shows they have changed… what dilemma forces the decision to change?)

Key Scene 3: Climax – The Ultimate Expression of The Conflict.

Key Scene 4: Resolution – Wrap it up and show us the new status quo.

Outline of Act IV Early Key Scenes

Recap of Act III Midpoint/Turning Point 3:

· After royal army soldiers kill people in a mob on a Boston street, Hutchinson shocks himself and other royal officials when he listens to townspeople’s demands and lets them order him to remove both regiments from Boston

· Additional Scene: Meets with Tory woman, tries to explain why he made that decision. Trying not to admit he agrees with them

Outline of Act IV.1 Reaction to Midpoint/Turning Point 3:

· Beginning: Three tea ships have docked. Judge Oliver is warning Hutchinson about a massive town meeting and briefing him on what other colonies are doing (send ships back, boycott if they land and unload), Royal Tax Commissioner Robinson is demanding he call the troops – the town is sending letters all over counties in Mass and other colonies. Hutchinson saw the pain the townspeople are in – troops, killings, taxes, losing their ability to govern themselves

· Middle: Hutchinson runs into Town Meeting to reassure the townspeople he is writing to Parliament, explaining why they are upset about tax, killings, and now the tea tariff is a matter of principle… Tries to reassure them he is listening, writing to Parliament about why tariffs, in addition to taxes, upset the colonists even if they are confused – the charter is confusing. Gives too much to the people’s vote, not enough balance for men of wealth, education and commerce. People yell – Hutch asks why they can’t give him the same courtesy they want from him. Angry roars.

· Ending: Sam calms them gets others to say the ship;s captain has insisted on docking despite the request of the town… and to ask if Hutchinson can get them to turn around. Hutch says no, Sam says “Then there;s nothing more we can do fr our country Suddenly whoops – and townspeople don blankets, smudge their faces and leave whooping – including Otis but not his adopted Native American son who is exasperated that they make his people look like the criminals.

First Draft of Act IV Reaction Scenes

EXT. BOSTON DOCKS – DAY (FOUR YEARS LATER) (Beginning of Reaction)

[Captain Rotch – TBD: Check name spelling – of one of three large ships docked in harbor runs up to Judge Peter Oliver, Royal Tax Commissioner Robinson and Acting Governor Hutchinson[

CAPTAIN ROTCH

Thank you for coming. They hauled me into a massive Town Meeting. Demanded we take our ships back out of the harbor. I said impossible. I have contracts with the shippers. So they denied us the right to unload. And if we disobey their orders, they will boycott all sales of our teas and spices in your Massachusetts colony. They were nobody. Nobody in any position. Just a mob of your townspeople.

GOVERNOR THOMAS HUTCHINSON

Several ships have turned around without unloading. Captain Rotch, can’t you-

ROYAL COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Governor Hutchinson other colonies called in troops to make sure they could unload their goods and do business without interruption. As acting governor you sent the troops out of Boston. Now is the time to call them back to protect men of commerce and their property. They can guard the unloading. Other colonies have sent their ships back.

HUTCHINSON

Those troops shot and killed five of them. Bringing in troops will only-

JUDGE PETER OLIVER

Thomas – order the troops to this dock. You saw the size of the crowd. People hanging out of windows, jamming the door. You cannot let Town Meetings dominate our government.

HUTCHINSON

The townspeople think their charter from the king gives them the right not to –

JUDGE OLIVER
Oh, no. Not another of your legalistic points!

HUTCHINSON

-to set import tariffs Troops will only risk violence again and–

JUDGE OLIVER

Maybe we need violence to control the mobs! We must – let’s get back to your office. Captain Rotch, don’t worry. We will handle this.

HUTCHINSON

I’ll handle this!

JUDGE OLIVER

I know you will. Come, we’ll work out a strategy.

[Oliver and Robinson pressure Hutchinson to leave with them]

HUTCHINSON

With them!

[He breaks out and charges ahead]

INT. FANEUIL HALL – CONTINUOUS TIME (Middle)

[Hutchinson enters the mobbed Town Meeting – all classes of men, a few women and blacks on the sides of the room. The adopted Native American son of James Otis is also at the back, dressed as a Boston lawyer, observing. Sam Adams is Moderator. Charismatic Otis is talking]

JAMES OTIS JR

Yes, the tax on the tea is tiny – but if we let Parliament tax us one penny, we give up the right to tax ourselves through our elected representatives. One tiny step. Of course the Lords of Parliament and His Majesty will be pleased. Maybe order all their troops in the colonies back home. But I promise you – that tiny tax on tea is a giant step to giving up our right to govern ourselves. Will you-

SAMUEL ADAMS

Excuse me, Mr. Otis. We have a welcome visitor. Governor Hutchinson, I trust you have come to help us make the tea ships turn around and take their wares to our Mother Country.

HUTCHINSON

[Taking the podium as Otis reluctantly steps aside]

Believe me – I understand the charter for our colony is confusing but-

[Angry reactions]

HUTCHINSON

By ‘confusing’, I mean it seems to give the settlers of this colony the right to make all their laws and set taxes in their Assembly. It was obvious, you can’t wait a month or two to communicate with your representative thousands of miles away in Parliament. I understand your concerns. But when the king and Parliament drew up our charter, they did not give up their own right to-

SAM ADAMS

Governor! We have two questions –

HUTCHINSON

Mr. Adams, this is important. Many of you are men of commerce. And influential clergy. Educated. You must realize that our nation is the only nation in the world to give people the right to vote for their own leaders – but not just anyone. We’re the only nation in the world to give liberty to everyone. We let the people can vote for their leaders in our colonial assemblies here and in Parliament’s House of Commons. But the beauty of our system is to give self government not only to the common people but also to men of wealth and influence in Parliament’s House of Lords – all balanced with the wisdom of our monarch. Benevolent. And if not-

[Angry shouts interrupt him – “Parliament has no right to tax us or set tariffs on our imports!” … “[TBD – etc. Research actuals]”

HUTCHINSON, Contiuned

Why can’t you people give me the same respect I give you. I listen to your concerns without yelling at you.

[More angry shouts TBD]

(Ending)

SAM ADAMS

Mr. Hutchinson, perhaps you might just answer our question. Will you order the captains of those three ships to leave the port of Boston?

HUTCHINSON

Each of those ships has products to be sold to businesses throughout our colony and all of New England. We cannot-

SAM ADAMS

[Moving to take over the podium]

So your answer is No, you refuse to order the ships to leave Boston.

HUTCHINSON

I can’t because –

SAM ADAMS

[Raising his arm then slamming it down on the podium’

Then there is nothing more we can do for our country.

[Suddenly loud wild Native American hoops and battle cries burst out, terrifying Hutchinson but just amusing some of the townspeople and activating some to put on blankets over their heads, and blacken their faces from grease pots they had ready for this in their pockets. These “Indians” include Otis, and Hancock, his fancy velvet suit and lace cuffs identifying him under the blanket. The Indians rush out, followed by the crowd of townspeople not with blankets but also hooping. As the first ones pass Sam Adams he cautions:

SAM ADAMS

Remember – No stealing. No damage to the ships or their property

OTIS TWO (Otis’ adopted native American son, in formal lawyer’s suit)

[Irritated]

Thanks, Mr. Adams, for honoring my people.

[He leaves in a different direction from the townspeople]

Template for checking Act IV Reaction scene

(_) Is this worst point so far in story?

(_) Is Protag brought to knees, forced to face utter failure

###

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Outline of Act IV Dilemma Scenes

Beginning: Hutch finds out Gage has shut down the port of boston because of the destruction of tea and other property. And Hutch must go to London to explain to Parliament what is happening. Hutch tries to lighten impact on boston.

Middle: Hutch’s spy rushes in and warns about an illegal meeting in Concord of the Massachusetts House of Reps to elect reps for a meeting of all colonies in Philadelphia. General Gage and others go off to order troops to stop the meeting in Concord and to protect a store of weapons in Lexington. Tells Hutch to go home and pack.

End: Otis, manic, tries to get Hutch to stop the meeting so they don’t give Gage an excuse to do worse, he climbs into the carriage uninvited with Hutch and Hutch’s slave Andrew.

First Draft Script for Act IV Dilemma Scenes

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY (A FEW MONTHS LATER) <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>(Beginning of Dilemma)

[General Gage in full royal regalia stands before a seemingly shrunken Acting Governor Hutchinson. Throughout, his slave Andrew, elegantly dressed, stands near him, supportive]

GOVERNOR THOMAS HUTCHINSON

You can’t close the entire Port of Boston!!

GENERAL THOMAS GAGE

His Majesty and Parliament “can’t” what?

[Silence]

As Commander in Chief of the royal army in North America, I can’t what?

I’m sure you do not condone criminal damage to property. Dumping crates of tea into the Boston harbor is not just criminal. Your mobs destroyed the livelihood of many farming businesses, processors and their shippers.

HUTCHINSON

They weren’t really a mob. They –

GAGE

Yes, that’s the point. The mob included many men of commerce from your colony.

HUTCHINSON

They think they have the right to set their own tariffs on imports.

GAGE

You’re apologizing? Of course, your fellow countrymen.

HUTCHINSON

I’ve already shut down our House of Representatives. That will stop them from organizing with the other colonies. Bringing back the royal army, blocking all activity on the docks without permission – that will only –

GAGE

Governor Hutchinson, I realize the mobs destroyed your home in Boston. So I suggest you go to your country home and pack what you need for your journey home. You can explain how you tried to keep order in this colony to Parliament. And to His Majesty King George the Third. If he will give you an audience.

(Middle)

[Hutchinson silently bows and starts to leave. But his spy, Dr. Church – with Tax Commissioner Robinson – rushes in, warning them] – **TBD much earlier additional scene to intro Dr. Church, his mistress, his reasons for becoming a spy]

DR. BENJAMIN CHURCH

You shut down the House of Representatives – but they’re holding an illegal meeting in Concord – not far from your home in Milton, Governor.

GATES

Why? What are they up to now?!

HUTCHINSON

It’s why I shut down their House of Representatives.

CHURCH

Clearly didn’t work. General – they are voting on whether to send four representatives from Massachusetts to a meeting of all colonies in Philadelphia they are threatening to hold.

GAGE

That has not been authorized!

TAX COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Welcome to the colonies, General Gage. Whatever the Mother Country authorizes they refuse. Whatever we don’t, they do

GAGE

Aren’t some of your representatives honest men? Haven’t they left the meeting? As soon as they realized they can’t –

CHURCH

They can’t.

GAGE

I know they can’t. They can’t start meeting together with other colonies.

CHURCH

They can’t leave. Samuel Adams has locked htem into the room until they vote. The only reason I know is one man pretended an urgent need to answer the call of nature.

GAGE

[Staring to leave]

That’s it. I’m ordering the troops to arrest the entire illegal assembly in Concord. Wait – isn’t there a large storage building with guns and ammo near there?

[To Hutchinson]

You must know! Where is it?

HUTCHINSON

Lexington.

GAGE

We’ll arrest any of the representatives who do not show remorse. And protect the military stores in Lexington.

[Stops Hutchinson]

You go to your home and start packing for your recall to London.

[Gage, Oliver and Robinson storm out. Hutchinson doesn’t move. Andrew starts guiding him out after the others have left.

EXT. HUTCHIINSON’S CARRIAGE – CONTINUOUS TIME

[OLIVER and ROBINSON are in street, leaving. As Hutchinson and Andrew start to get into carriage, James Otis Jr rushes up to them, hair mussed, coat half on, manic]

JAMES OTIS JR

Governor, they’ve called an illegal meeting

HUTCHINSON

Yes Mr. Otis, we know.

OLIVER

[As he runs off]

James – leave him alone. He has to go home to pack.

HUTCHINSON

I’ve been recalled. You aren’t with the others in that meeting?

OTIS

You know why! I wasn’t re-elected last year!

HUTCHINSON

Yes, I heard you are still recovering from your wounds. But the meeting is illegal I assumed that meant all of you could go.

OTIS

You must stop the meeting!

HUTCHINSON

I have to go home to pack.

OTIS

They will give General Gage every excuse he wants to crush them!

HUTCHINSON

Whose side are you on?

OTIS

Liberty!

HUTCHINSON

I’m not sure what that means anymore.

OTIS

Don’t go home to pack. Stay with us – stop the representatives from – from –

HUTCHINSON

From what?

OTIS

I don’t know! My head is aching again!

[He climbs, uninvited, into the carriage. Hutchinson and Andrew look at each other, shrug, and get in the carriage with Otis]

###

Template Quality Check for Act IV Dilemma Scene

(_) What dilemma has been pushing/pulling emotions throughout? (e.g. order vs liberty)

(_) What is the choice in this scene, either one is awful?

(_) What decision is made in this scene and how does it show a transformation or first part of one?

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Completed Draft of Act III

What I learned from this assignment

– That this system sometimes will not let me copy/paste some or all of my assignment… or it copies most of it but leaves out some chunks so I have to check… I have written support but no luck.

– I do not feel like retyping my notes about this and I cannot get the system to take my copy/pasted intro… that as far as I know is not any different from the script which did copy/paste.

– Basically from my Word doc: – I don’t want to add scenes, edit lightly etc. before I write Act IV because I will see how bad it is and lose the courage to keep going through to day 30.

FIRST DRAFT SCRIPT FOR III.1 REACT/RETHINK

EXT. KING STREET BENEATH GOVERNMENT BUILDING – DAY

[Troops arrive, line up outside the Government building in their fine redcoat uniforms, armed. A crowd is gathering. Some boys are pretend marching, trying to see the guns close up. Tax Commissioner Robinson shakes Captain Preston’s hand. Hutchinson , with Judge Oliver behind him, comes out to greet Captain Preston. When James Otis and his wife Ruth walk by, Otis looks at Commissioner Robinson, as if trying to remember. Robinson steps a safe distance away. John Hancock rushes out of his gold plaited carriage]

HUTCHINSON

Captain Preston, the people of Boston welcome you and your regiments.

JUDGE OLIVER

And about time too. Thank heavens we have some protection

SAM ADAMS

Oh, yes, Captain. We are so grateful for your protection… from, ah … Maybe the French sneaked back out of Quebec?

JAMES OTIS

Our warriors, back from beating the French!

[Moving too close to Captain Preston, touching his musket]

RUTH OTIS

[Guiding Otis away]

Sorry, Governor Hutchinson. He hasn’t recovered from that bar fight. [To Otis] We beat the French five years ago.

SAM

Maybe these fine soldiers have come to protect us from a Mohawk uprising? Or the Algonquins? – although I thought the peace treaties were holding.

JOHN HANCOCK

Governor Hutchinson – you should keep them in the fort. No one would see them – they’re making a mess of Faneuil Hall.

JUDGE OLIVER
We’re all relieved to bring back order to this colony.

JOHN HANCOCK

Order?! They’re making a filthy, smelly mess of our hall. Buckets of excrement

SAM

[Coaching him]

John – the town meetings…

JOHN HANCOCK

Right – how are we supposed to hold our Town Meetings with soldiers bunked down all over the floor?!

SAM

Maybe that’s the point? To stop townspeople from electing representatives who can call for the repeal of the tax. Mr. Hancock – didn’t you say something about quatering, you know, the law?

[NOTE TO ME – Did I write the scene where Sam wooes Hancock by getting mob leaders to call him King Hancock? If not, add it to Act I]

HANCOCK

Quartering soldiers among peaceful townspeople… isn’t there a law

HUTCHINSON

[TBD – spouts the law]

SAM ADAMS

That’s our Governor. Mr. Hutchinson is going to lecture us again about the law – while breaking it by quartering the military in [TBD – get the legal phrase]

[As crowd agrees with Sam. Mocks his quoting of laws. Hutchinson takes Hancock into the government building. They soon appear on the balcony. Hancock is mesmerized by the view from the top.]

HUTCHINSON

Mr. Hancock, can you feel the power? I’m just as upset about this as you and all our townspeople. I only asked for a small guard. To protect my family if the mobs tried to attack us in our new home. And to protect other men of commerce. Like yourself. I never expected the king to send two regiments! I understand why everyone is so upset about the Stamp Tax. Look, I had to enforce it. My job. But I am also a fellow Bostonian. Together we can meet with merchants. Specially now that Otis has been silenced. Temporarily. It’s our change. None of us want a tax imposed on us. Parliament never gave up their right – but colonists also have the right. What did you say about colonial charters –

HANCOCK

Not me. Samuel will know – [Starting to call down] Mr. Ad–

HUTCHINSON

No, don’t get him involved. We can work this out together. And with other men of influence.

HANCOCK

He said something about the king’s charters for each colony… but I don’t-

HUTCHINSON

Don’t worry. We can join together with other men of commerce to ask Parliament to rescind the Stamp Act. Explain to them why everyone in the colonies is so upset – find other ways to help the Mother Country pay off her debts.

HANCOCK

Yes – Parliament never sent funds to help us fight the French.

HUTCHINSON

Yes. It’s about fairness. I’ve heard you. And I can help you and all your fellow merchants reason with the Lords of Parliament.

HANCOCK

But I thought you –

HUTCHINSON

We are fellow citizens of the only free nation in a world of tyrants.

HANCOCK

Uh-oh. Here comes the but. Please Governor Hutchinson, don’t. My mind spins when you start telling us all the laws we have to obey

HUTCHINSON

Promise. I want to hear your ideas about how the colonies can stay aligned with our Mother Country. If the tyrants of the world commotions between the colonies and our government in England they will join together to tear us apart, chop up our colonies and Indian country into Spain, France, Russia – We can’t let that happen. We are the only nation where people can elect our own representatives to Parliament to make decisions that affect our lives. No tyrants. Our leaders in the Houses of Parliament. They can listen to reason… And I can help you – all of us – explain our concern that our colonial representative in Parliament is our only elected representative to vote on a tax –

HANCOCK

But we don’t vote for –

HUTCHINSON

Exactly. The king appoints him. But It’s not either our colonial rep in Parl or our elected reps in each colony’s assembly. Now let’s go in and plan – you can give me the names of the most intelligent men of commerce – people we can listen to.

[As Hutchinson reaches out to shake Hancock’s hand, Sam Adams, on the street below, looks up at them on the balcony. Concerned.]

###

INT. HANCOCK PARLOR -AFTERNOON

Hutchinson being escorted into over-luxurious parlor by overly-flouncy Dolly Hancock as Hancock points out a table laden with tea setting plus too many drinks and hors d’oevres

DOLLY HANCOCK

We are so honored to have you in our home, Mr. Hutchinson.

HANCOCK

Governor, Dolly! Here sir –

HUTCHINSON

Acting Governor. Still Lieutenant Governor. But Thomas is fine, Mrs. Hancock

HANCOCK

Here – tea? Or do you prefer rum or wine first? And we have these little sausages or this smoked cod… or we can have Cook bring something lighter if a savory tea is too –

[Dolly rushes to pour tea for Hutchinson]

HUTCHINSON

Nothing thank you.

DOLLY

Oh, dear. What else can I get you?

HUTCHINSON

Nothing. I just want to reassure you, I have ordered Captain Preston to control his troops better. Clean up after themselves in Faneuil hall. Use the privies. And I want to assure you, I understand what you and other men of commerce have been saying that the colonial charters –

HANCOCK

Spare me more legal points. You can tell me hundreds of your facts but-

HUTCHINSON

You’re right.

HANCOCK

I’m what??

HUTCHINSON

I should apologize. I have written Lord Dalrymple and others that they cannot just pay off their war debt by taxing the colonies. I have explained that of course Parliament can make final decisions for the colonies but our charters –

DOLLY

Oh, Mr. ah – Thomas. I knew you were on our side. We’re all British citizens – no reason to fight over a stupid tax.

HANCOCK

Dolly, the government issues are not stupid

HUTCHINSON

Mrs. Hancock is very wise. No reason to fight at all. Just a matter of policy. The charters gave all rights to the people – let them vote on anything. But we – any of us with education and sensibility – we know we need a balance between the voice of everyman, the experience of men of influence, and the mediating benevolence of royalty. I wanted to ask you to help me organize a meeting of men of influence. Together, we –

HANCOCK

I’m very honored.

HUTCHINSON

Honored?

HANCOCK

That you think I can bring them together.

HUTCHINSON

You’ve been very effective in supporting the boycott of any products taxed.

DOLLY

My husband was only talking with the radicals to learn what they are doing. So he could warn you.

HANCOCK

Right! I was never –

HUTCHINSON

The past is past. What we need to do now is join to together with other men of commerce. Develop proposals that I can pass on to leaders of Parliament.

HANCOCK

Can we trust you? I did. But you were secretly calling in the royal army.

HUtCHINSON

What if mobs had pillaged and burned this beautiful home of yours?

DOLLY

Oh, la, I’m going to faint.

HANCOCK

Don’t worry. She never does. Forgive me for asking – but it’s just hard to trust…

HUTCHINSON

If I cannot get Parliament – or even the King – to understand the concerns of colonists, I will resign as Acting Governor.

HANCOCK

Give up all that money?

HUTCHINSON

You thought I accepted this position this for money? No amount of money could make this job worth it. You probably believe all the attacks on me. But I love our colony. But if I cannot get them to listen to me, I will tell them to find a stronger man to be Governor.

###

First Draft Script for Key Scene 3 – Things go well, until…

EXT. OUTSIDE GOVERNMENT BUILDING – SNOWY EVENING

Royal army soldiers are lined up, armed. Crowd is gathering, shouting “Bloody lobsters!”… “Looking at our women!”… One boy throws a snowball. Otis, head still bandaged, runs up, shouts to crowd as more and more men and boys, black as well as white – and including Crispus Attucks, a large half African/half Native American, pick up snow to make snowballs

OTIS

You see what one of their men did to me? Their royal tax Commissioner?! And last week – the soldiers attacks our own boys. Our colony has our own militia. If we need protection, we can call in our own troops! Free citizens can protect ourselves!

[His wife, Ruth, and his adopted Native American son, try to draw him away but he frees himself and runs back. They stop him from making his own snowball and get him away from the crowd.

[Crowd pelts the soldiers with snowballs. One soldier, hit, yells in pain, “Rocks!” more and more snowballs thrown, soldiers nervous. Soldiers are shouting back – “Criminals!” – “Stand back” – “Worse than your own savages”… “Violent mob!” In the midst of the shouting and onslaught of snowballs, someone yells “Fire!” and the soldiers, already feeling attacked, fire on the crowd.

Four drop dead including Crispus Attucks- and a young boy lies wounded. Gasps. Silence. Some in crowd run, some rush to the fallen, the troops, guns still aimed at the crowd, stare, frozen. Sam and Betsy Adams run to help the fallen. Otis is wandering around glazed, horrified. Sam starts to guide him out of the crowd but he shakes Sam off and yells at Sam]

OTIS

Murderer! Now look what you’ve caused!!

[Runs off. Betsy Adams rushes to the government building]

BETSY ADAMS

Hutchinson!! [Turns to crowd] Hutchinson called in the royal army against us!

[looking up at the empty balcony and shaking her fist]

Murderer!!!! I’ll drag your hoary head through the streets of Boston.

[She and Sam go back to tending to the fallen. Hutchinson rushes in, also tends to wounded in other areas.]

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – MORNING

[Hutchinson comforting, taking depositions. Hutchinson is clearly in mourning along with the town. Townspeople lined up, giving short overlapping testimonies]

[INSERT quotes from actual ones]

[Otis runs in, has not changed clothes. Startles townspeople and Hutchinson by falling on Hutchinson’s shoulders, weeping]

OTIS

I’m sorry… so sorry. You were trying to protect us – balance our ship.

HUTCHINSON

Very unfortunate incident.

OTIS

You were trying to balance the –

HUTCHINSON

Please, Mr. Otis, I am taking witness testimonies.

OTIS

But now — Sam Adams has already sent out a letter to his correspondence committees. To every county in Massachusetts Bay and all the other colonies. Even King and Parliament. Blaming you for – for – a “Massacre”!

###

EXT. BALCONY IN GOVERNMENT BUILDING– LATE AFTERNOON:

Hutchinson, Judge Oliver, Royal Tax Commissioner on balcony.

HUTCHINSON

I see someone running here from the Town Meeting at Old South Church

JUDGE OLIVER

No matter what – do not remove the troops. You don’t want Parliament or King thinking you let the colonists run the British empire.

TAX COMMISSIONER

You must remove the regiment that fired on them. If you refuse, they might turn all the colonies into a raging mob against our government.

HUTCHINSON

Not a mob. They’re understandably upset – innocent lives.

JUDGE OLIVER

“Innocent?!”

ROYAL TAX COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

General Gage says we can remove the regiment that shot people. That will show the nation shares their grief. also don’t want to give colonists an excuse.

HUTCHINSON

General Gage can come up from New York and do that himself.

[Below in street, Dr. Benjamin Church, a spy for Hutch, has run to the building and yells up to balcony]

DR. BENJAMIN CHURCH

Governor Hutchinson! A committee’s coming from Town Meeting

HUTCHINSON

Their mission?

DR. CHURCH

Can you hear them?!

[Chant in distance becomes louder and louder – “Both Regiments or none!” ]

They found out that General Gage agreed to moving out the regiment that killed townspeople. And make sure the other one is more orderly

HUTCHINSON

I can’t order people to be orderly.

ROYAL TAX COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

At least General knows what’s at stake. If you don’t remove that regiment, I guaranty, mobs in all the colonies will rise up.

DR. CHURCH

Not mobs – the men coming right now are not the mobs that took down your house, Governor. Leaders of commerce, influence. All of them – shocked and grieving. Our own army has killed British citizens. Got to run – good luck, Governor

[Starts to leave]

ROBINSON

Wait, Dr. Church. Come up – we need all the reinforcements we can get.

DR. CHURCH

I have to leave before they see me. Leaves.

JUDGE OLIVER

Commissioner Robinson, this is confidential of course, but Dr. Church, he, ah, keeps us informed. Don’t want to lose him.

ROBINSON

Governor –Can’t you just send that Sheriff of yours – tell that Committee they don’t need to meet with you – you’re going to remove the regiment out of Boston.

HUTCHINSON

I welcome the chance to tell them, right here in our royal offices, what I’m going to do –remove both or none? My answer is “None.”

OLIVER

Hah!

ROBINSON

But they’ll mobilize all the colonies against the Crown. They’ve already despatched messengers with letters to every colony that the royal army “massacred” citizens.

[HUTCHINSON turns and goes in. Oliver and Robinson follow him in. Below, Hancock and Otis arrive with a gaggle of merchants, all in formal dress/wigs, followed by Sam Adams in his old patched dark red cloak, no wig.

No one on balcony as the group arrives. Hancock, Adams and all merchants enter the building – except Otis. His wife Ruth rushes over to him and holds him back. Backing her up is Otis Two (the Native American Otis has informally adopted and taught the law} dressed as a lawyer]

RUTH OTIS

No, please! You’ll make another scene – get us in worse trouble.

JAMES OTIS JR

I’m fine. Better. Let go of me.

RUTH

I’m begging – if you love me, come home with me!

OTIS

I love you with all my heart, Ruth. And I love our freedom to govern ourselves!

[He rushes into the building, She gestures for OTIS TWO to follow him]

OTIS TWO

I can’t. The townspeople did not – of course – vote me onto that Committee.

RUTH

Then stand by. In case he makes a commotion.

[She takes a seat on a bench but, as he starts to join her, waves him away from her. He stands aside]

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – SAME TIME

[The Committee from the Town Meeting is taking their places in front of Hutchinson, behind him Judge Oliver.. Hancock is first with other merchants behind him. Sam takes his place at the very back of the Committee. When OTIS joins the group and stands next to Hancock, Commissioner Robinson takes a position just ouside the door where Otis cannot see him]

HUTCHINSON

Welcome, gentlemen. I am grieving with you.

[Polite but skeptical muttering]

I am glad the Town Meeting appointed you to come talk with me. Our fellow citizens have been killed. We are all dreadfully upset.

[Polite sounds of agreement]

A very unfortunate incident that I-

HANCOCK

“Unfortunate incident?” Five dead, others woulnded. The Town demands you remove both regiments from Boston immediately.

OTIS

Human beings – each one, just protesting a free people

HANCOCK

[TBD – reading the names, ages of the dead and wounded]

[As Hancock names them, Sam Adams slips quickly next to Otis, gives him a signal to quiet down. Otis obeys this signal and Sam moves to the back again.]

The town of Boston demands you remove both regiments immediately.

HUTCHINSON

Only General Gage, Commander of his Majesty’s forces in the American colonies., can do that. And he is in New York at the moment.

HANCOCK

[Checking notes and reading from them]

As our acting Governor, you are also commander of our colony’s royal army and our town and county militias.

HUTCHINSON

Then I must also have the authority to tell General Gage to leave both regiments in the town of Boston.

[Angry reactions among the merchants… but as he keeps speaking, one by one, they step back, move to the wall behind Sam Adams.]

I understand why you want the regiments removed. Whether the soldiers were defending themselves from sharp rocks in ice or just frightened, the tragedy is that people have been killed.

[Someone mutters “You brought the army here, you send them out”]

Of course I understand why you want to order the soldiers out. But each one of you is a very intelligent, experienced influential citizen. Think for a moment, what will happen if our town can give orders to His Majesty’s royal army?… Will other colonies decide they can give orders to King and Parliament whenever they disagree?… What kind of chaos would that make for our nation? …And what about the other empires of the world? They hunger for our resources!

[Someone yells “We beat back the French. We won that war!”

If they think we no longer are loyal to our government, you don’t think the French won’t come down again from Canada. And take more lands of the South? Then there’s Spain’s control from Mexico all the way up to the North of Indian Country. You think they won’t move East? … And what about Russia in the North West?

[Someone else shouts: “We’re talking about Boston. Just get the troops out of our city!”]

Every other country in our world is ruled by one monarch or tyrannical barbarian. If they see our colonies fighting our nation? What happens? Every one of those nations would love to see our nation divided. Take over our lands and fisheries. The empires of France, Spain, Russia the Ottoman = each one a brutal regimes that has and can in the gfutre move against us. Will our nation protect us? Take one stone after another out of a stone wall, soon the wall collapses. Are you willing to grab the first stones? if Boston starts commanding the royal army, think – will Parliament invest money and resources protect us? Will His Majesty care? The Mother Country is not perfect. But the Houses of Parliament are willing to negotiate – you saw that they repealed the Stamp tax. Now we must negotiate tariffs. And better management of the troops. Nothing is perfect. But our nation is close to perfection The exquisite balance between equal liberty for all – our wealthy and our commoners each can vote for representatives to make laws and decisions that impact their lives. Our monarch must also follow rules to protect all groups in his domain. The only nation in the world on in the world with liberty. Are you willing to refuse to honor the laws of the only nation in the world to give people the right to vote for their own leaders. Are you willing to take the first stones out of the beautiful foundation of our government?

[Noises of apologies, reconsideration, etc – All have fallen back behind Sam Adams]

SAM ADAMS

A question, Governor Hutchinson. If we do not remove both regiments from Boston so they cannot kill us again, If we cannot decide when soldiers can or cannot take over our homes, have we given up our right to protect our own safety? We are all British citizens. Please help me understand. If our townspeople cannot decide when to remove soldiers who have killed innocents, how can we best protect ourselves and our liberty?

[Teasing – with a sparkle and smile as he zeroes in]

I need your advice. If the town of Boston cannot decide to remove both regiments, – do you want us to ask our representatives in the Massachusetts Bay Assembly to make that decision? Or perhaps you would like us to ask each colony’s House of Rep to vote on whether a town has the right to decide to remove soldiers to a fort when they have killed innocent citizens in an “unfortunate incident?” Whether intentionally or in confusion, soldiers have killed citizens. Do townspeople have the right to order both regiments to the fort outside Boston? Or would you advise us to ask our own and other colonies’ elected representatives?”

JUDGE OLIVER

You must follow the instructions of your Governor.

SAM ADAMS

Thanks you Governor Hutchinson for your praise of liberty. All of us in this room share our love as citizens the only nation in the world to give its citizens the liberty to govern our own lives through our elected representatives. We would all appreciate your counsel for us, the townspeople of Boston, the elected representatives throughout Massachusetts Bay and in the Houses of Representatives throughout the colonies.

HUTCHINSON

The townspeople have voted. No need to ask the other assemblies. We will remove both regiments.

[Gasps of shock]

This meeting is adjourned.

[Everyone files out – some praising him, patting him, shaking his hand… Some so angry they cannot look at him. Alone, he sits to start writing.]

JUDGE OLIVER

[On his way out]

You fool!

EXT. OUTSIDE GOVERNMENT BUILDING – NIIGHT

[As Hutchinson wearily leaves the building alone, exhausted, he sees Ruth Otis sitting alone on the bench.]

HUTCHINSON

Ruth. It’s late – Is something wrong? – Your husband?

RUTH OTIS

We got him to sleep. You’re working late.

HUTCHINSON

I had to write up an explanaton for my decision. A courier will take my letter early tomorrow to General Gage in New York. And the next ship to London.

RUTH

I heard you are removing not one but both regiments.

HUTCHINSON

Yes.

RUTH

Sit a moment.

HUTCHINSON

I’m very tired.

RUTH

You have every reason. James was surprisingly calm when we took him home.

HUTCHINSON

He seemed to understand what I was saying. How did you every marry him?

RUTH

Fathers. His father and mine. Both Colonels in the war against the French. And he certainly wasn’t boring… not a typical son of a rich father.

HUTCHINSON

He hates me for being appointed Chief Justice instead of his father.

RUTH

Let’s not talk about him. Will you be okay – with Parliament? You know, for removing both regiments?

HUTCHINSON

I don’t know.

RUTH

I hope Parliament won’t recall you to face inquiries in London.

HUTCHINSON

Easier than if the King appoints me as actual, not acting governor.

[Quiet for a moment]

At least I made sure we will stay united.

RUTH

We’re one country. The colonies would never survive without the Mother Country.

HUTCHINSON

It’s late. May I walk you home?

[They get up and slowly leave, together.]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>FIRST DRAFT SCRIPT FOR III.1 REACT/RETHINK

EXT. KING STREET BENEATH GOVERNMENT BUILDING – DAY

[Troops arrive, line up outside the Government building in their fine redcoat uniforms, armed. A crowd is gathering. Some boys are pretend marching, trying to see the guns close up. Tax Commissioner Robinson shakes Captain Preston’s hand. Hutchinson , with Judge Oliver behind him, comes out to greet Captain Preston. When James Otis and his wife Ruth walk by, Otis looks at Commissioner Robinson, as if trying to remember. Robinson steps a safe distance away. John Hancock rushes out of his gold plaited carriage]

HUTCHINSON

Captain Preston, the people of Boston welcome you and your regiments.

JUDGE OLIVER

And about time too. Thank heavens we have some protection

SAM ADAMS

Oh, yes, Captain. We are so grateful for your protection… from, ah … Maybe the French sneaked back out of Quebec?

JAMES OTIS

Our warriors, back from beating the French!

[Moving too close to Captain Preston, touching his musket]

RUTH OTIS

[Guiding Otis away]

Sorry, Governor Hutchinson. He hasn’t recovered from that bar fight. [To Otis] We beat the French five years ago.

SAM

Maybe these fine soldiers have come to protect us from a Mohawk uprising? Or the Algonquins? – although I thought the peace treaties were holding.

JOHN HANCOCK

Governor Hutchinson – you should keep them in the fort. No one would see them – they’re making a mess of Faneuil Hall.

JUDGE OLIVER
We’re all relieved to bring back order to this colony.

JOHN HANCOCK

Order?! They’re making a filthy, smelly mess of our hall. Buckets of excrement

SAM

[Coaching him]

John – the town meetings…

JOHN HANCOCK

Right – how are we supposed to hold our Town Meetings with soldiers bunked down all over the floor?!

SAM

Maybe that’s the point? To stop townspeople from electing representatives who can call for the repeal of the tax. Mr. Hancock – didn’t you say something about quatering, you know, the law?

[NOTE TO ME – Did I write the scene where Sam wooes Hancock by getting mob leaders to call him King Hancock? If not, add it to Act I]

HANCOCK

Quartering soldiers among peaceful townspeople… isn’t there a law

HUTCHINSON

[TBD – spouts the law]

SAM ADAMS

That’s our Governor. Mr. Hutchinson is going to lecture us again about the law – while breaking it by quartering the military in [TBD – get the legal phrase]

[As crowd agrees with Sam. Mocks his quoting of laws. Hutchinson takes Hancock into the government building. They soon appear on the balcony. Hancock is mesmerized by the view from the top.]

HUTCHINSON

Mr. Hancock, can you feel the power? I’m just as upset about this as you and all our townspeople. I only asked for a small guard. To protect my family if the mobs tried to attack us in our new home. And to protect other men of commerce. Like yourself. I never expected the king to send two regiments! I understand why everyone is so upset about the Stamp Tax. Look, I had to enforce it. My job. But I am also a fellow Bostonian. Together we can meet with merchants. Specially now that Otis has been silenced. Temporarily. It’s our change. None of us want a tax imposed on us. Parliament never gave up their right – but colonists also have the right. What did you say about colonial charters –

HANCOCK

Not me. Samuel will know – [Starting to call down] Mr. Ad–

HUTCHINSON

No, don’t get him involved. We can work this out together. And with other men of influence.

HANCOCK

He said something about the king’s charters for each colony… but I don’t-

HUTCHINSON

Don’t worry. We can join together with other men of commerce to ask Parliament to rescind the Stamp Act. Explain to them why everyone in the colonies is so upset – find other ways to help the Mother Country pay off her debts.

HANCOCK

Yes – Parliament never sent funds to help us fight the French.

HUTCHINSON

Yes. It’s about fairness. I’ve heard you. And I can help you and all your fellow merchants reason with the Lords of Parliament.

HANCOCK

But I thought you –

HUTCHINSON

We are fellow citizens of the only free nation in a world of tyrants.

HANCOCK

Uh-oh. Here comes the but. Please Governor Hutchinson, don’t. My mind spins when you start telling us all the laws we have to obey

HUTCHINSON

Promise. I want to hear your ideas about how the colonies can stay aligned with our Mother Country. If the tyrants of the world commotions between the colonies and our government in England they will join together to tear us apart, chop up our colonies and Indian country into Spain, France, Russia – We can’t let that happen. We are the only nation where people can elect our own representatives to Parliament to make decisions that affect our lives. No tyrants. Our leaders in the Houses of Parliament. They can listen to reason… And I can help you – all of us – explain our concern that our colonial representative in Parliament is our only elected representative to vote on a tax –

HANCOCK

But we don’t vote for –

HUTCHINSON

Exactly. The king appoints him. But It’s not either our colonial rep in Parl or our elected reps in each colony’s assembly. Now let’s go in and plan – you can give me the names of the most intelligent men of commerce – people we can listen to.

[As Hutchinson reaches out to shake Hancock’s hand, Sam Adams, on the street below, looks up at them on the balcony. Concerned.]

###

[NOTE: IN REVISION, CHANGE INAUG TO HANCOCK GIVING A BANQUET]

First Draft Script for Key Scene 2 – Makes a new plan

INT. HANCOCK PARLOR -AFTERNOO

Hutchinson being escorted into over-luxurious parlor by overly-flouncy Dolly Hancock as Hancock points out a table laden with tea setting plus too many drinks and hors d’oevres

DOLLY HANCOCK

We are so honored to have you in our home, Mr. Hutchinson.

HANCOCK

Governor, Dolly! Here sir –

HUTCHINSON

Acting Governor. Still Lieutenant Governor. But Thomas is fine, Mrs. Hancock

HANCOCK

Here – tea? Or do you prefer rum or wine first? And we have these little sausages or this smoked cod… or we can have Cook bring something lighter if a savory tea is too –

[Dolly rushes to pour tea for Hutchinson]

HUTCHINSON

Nothing thank you.

DOLLY

Oh, dear. What else can I get you?

HUTCHINSON

Nothing. I just want to reassure you, I have ordered Captain Preston to control his troops better. Clean up after themselves in Faneuil hall. Use the privies. And I want to assure you, I understand what you and other men of commerce have been saying that the colonial charters –

HANCOCK

Spare me more legal points. You can tell me hundreds of your facts but-

HUTCHINSON

You’re right.

HANCOCK

I’m what??

HUTCHINSON

I should apologize. I have written Lord Dalrymple and others that they cannot just pay off their war debt by taxing the colonies. I have explained that of course Parliament can make final decisions for the colonies but our charters –

DOLLY

Oh, Mr. ah – Thomas. I knew you were on our side. We’re all British citizens – no reason to fight over a stupid tax.

HANCOCK

Dolly, the government issues are not stupid

HUTCHINSON

Mrs. Hancock is very wise. No reason to fight at all. Just a matter of policy. The charters gave all rights to the people – let them vote on anything. But we – any of us with education and sensibility – we know we need a balance between the voice of everyman, the experience of men of influence, and the mediating benevolence of royalty. I wanted to ask you to help me organize a meeting of men of influence. Together, we –

HANCOCK

I’m very honored.

HUTCHINSON

Honored?

HANCOCK

That you think I can bring them together.

HUTCHINSON

You’ve been very effective in supporting the boycott of any products taxed.

DOLLY

My husband was only talking with the radicals to learn what they are doing. So he could warn you.

HANCOCK

Right! I was never –

HUTCHINSON

The past is past. What we need to do now is join to together with other men of commerce. Develop proposals that I can pass on to leaders of Parliament.

HANCOCK

Can we trust you? I did. But you were secretly calling in the royal army.

HUtCHINSON

What if mobs had pillaged and burned this beautiful home of yours?

DOLLY

Oh, la, I’m going to faint.

HANCOCK

Don’t worry. She never does. Forgive me for asking – but it’s just hard to trust…

HUTCHINSON

If I cannot get Parliament – or even the King – to understand the concerns of colonists, I will resign as Acting Governor.

HANCOCK

Give up all that money?

HUTCHINSON

You thought I accepted this position this for money? No amount of money could make this job worth it. You probably believe all the attacks on me. But I love our colony. But if I cannot get them to listen to me, I will tell them to find a stronger man to be Governor.

###

First Draft Script for Key Scene 3 – Things go well, until…

EXT. OUTSIDE GOVERNMENT BUILDING – SNOWY EVENING

Royal army soldiers are lined up, armed. Crowd is gathering, shouting “Bloody lobsters!”… “Looking at our women!”… One boy throws a snowball. Otis, head still bandaged, runs up, shouts to crowd as more and more men and boys, black as well as white – and including Crispus Attucks, a large half African/half Native American, pick up snow to make snowballs

OTIS

You see what one of their men did to me? Their royal tax Commissioner?! And last week – the soldiers attacks our own boys. Our colony has our own militia. If we need protection, we can call in our own troops! Free citizens can protect ourselves!

[His wife, Ruth, and his adopted Native American son, try to draw him away but he frees himself and runs back. They stop him from making his own snowball and get him away from the crowd.

[Crowd pelts the soldiers with snowballs. One soldier, hit, yells in pain, “Rocks!” more and more snowballs thrown, soldiers nervous. Soldiers are shouting back – “Criminals!” – “Stand back” – “Worse than your own savages”… “Violent mob!” In the midst of the shouting and onslaught of snowballs, someone yells “Fire!” and the soldiers, already feeling attacked, fire on the crowd.

Four drop dead including Crispus Attucks- and a young boy lies wounded. Gasps. Silence. Some in crowd run, some rush to the fallen, the troops, guns still aimed at the crowd, stare, frozen. Sam and Betsy Adams run to help the fallen. Otis is wandering around glazed, horrified. Sam starts to guide him out of the crowd but he shakes Sam off and yells at Sam]

OTIS

Murderer! Now look what you’ve caused!!

[Runs off. Betsy Adams rushes to the government building]

BETSY ADAMS

Hutchinson!! [Turns to crowd] Hutchinson called in the royal army against us!

[looking up at the empty balcony and shaking her fist]

Murderer!!!! I’ll drag your hoary head through the streets of Boston.

[She and Sam go back to tending to the fallen. Hutchinson rushes in, also tends to wounded in other areas.]

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – MORNING

[Hutchinson comforting, taking depositions. Hutchinson is clearly in mourning along with the town. Townspeople lined up, giving short overlapping testimonies]

[INSERT quotes from actual ones]

[Otis runs in, has not changed clothes. Startles townspeople and Hutchinson by falling on Hutchinson’s shoulders, weeping]

OTIS

I’m sorry… so sorry. You were trying to protect us – balance our ship.

HUTCHINSON

Very unfortunate incident.

OTIS

You were trying to balance the –

HUTCHINSON

Please, Mr. Otis, I am taking witness testimonies.

OTIS

But now — Sam Adams has already sent out a letter to his correspondence committees. To every county in Massachusetts Bay and all the other colonies. Even King and Parliament. Blaming you for – for – a “Massacre”!

###

EXT. BALCONY IN GOVERNMENT BUILDING– LATE AFTERNOON:

Hutchinson, Judge Oliver, Royal Tax Commissioner on balcony.

HUTCHINSON

I see someone running here from the Town Meeting at Old South Church

JUDGE OLIVER

No matter what – do not remove the troops. You don’t want Parliament or King thinking you let the colonists run the British empire.

TAX COMMISSIONER

You must remove the regiment that fired on them. If you refuse, they might turn all the colonies into a raging mob against our government.

HUTCHINSON

Not a mob. They’re understandably upset – innocent lives.

JUDGE OLIVER

“Innocent?!”

ROYAL TAX COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

General Gage says we can remove the regiment that shot people. That will show the nation shares their grief. also don’t want to give colonists an excuse.

HUTCHINSON

General Gage can come up from New York and do that himself.

[Below in street, Dr. Benjamin Church, a spy for Hutch, has run to the building and yells up to balcony]

DR. BENJAMIN CHURCH

Governor Hutchinson! A committee’s coming from Town Meeting

HUTCHINSON

Their mission?

DR. CHURCH

Can you hear them?!

[Chant in distance becomes louder and louder – “Both Regiments or none!” ]

They found out that General Gage agreed to moving out the regiment that killed townspeople. And make sure the other one is more orderly

HUTCHINSON

I can’t order people to be orderly.

ROYAL TAX COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

At least General knows what’s at stake. If you don’t remove that regiment, I guaranty, mobs in all the colonies will rise up.

DR. CHURCH

Not mobs – the men coming right now are not the mobs that took down your house, Governor. Leaders of commerce, influence. All of them – shocked and grieving. Our own army has killed British citizens. Got to run – good luck, Governor

[Starts to leave]

ROBINSON

Wait, Dr. Church. Come up – we need all the reinforcements we can get.

DR. CHURCH

I have to leave before they see me. Leaves.

JUDGE OLIVER

Commissioner Robinson, this is confidential of course, but Dr. Church, he, ah, keeps us informed. Don’t want to lose him.

ROBINSON

Governor –Can’t you just send that Sheriff of yours – tell that Committee they don’t need to meet with you – you’re going to remove the regiment out of Boston.

HUTCHINSON

I welcome the chance to tell them, right here in our royal offices, what I’m going to do –remove both or none? My answer is “None.”

OLIVER

Hah!

ROBINSON

But they’ll mobilize all the colonies against the Crown. They’ve already despatched messengers with letters to every colony that the royal army “massacred” citizens.

[HUTCHINSON turns and goes in. Oliver and Robinson follow him in. Below, Hancock and Otis arrive with a gaggle of merchants, all in formal dress/wigs, followed by Sam Adams in his old patched dark red cloak, no wig.

No one on balcony as the group arrives. Hancock, Adams and all merchants enter the building – except Otis. His wife Ruth rushes over to him and holds him back. Backing her up is Otis Two (the Native American Otis has informally adopted and taught the law} dressed as a lawyer]

RUTH OTIS

No, please! You’ll make another scene – get us in worse trouble.

JAMES OTIS JR

I’m fine. Better. Let go of me.

RUTH

I’m begging – if you love me, come home with me!

OTIS

I love you with all my heart, Ruth. And I love our freedom to govern ourselves!

[He rushes into the building, She gestures for OTIS TWO to follow him]

OTIS TWO

I can’t. The townspeople did not – of course – vote me onto that Committee.

RUTH

Then stand by. In case he makes a commotion.

[She takes a seat on a bench but, as he starts to join her, waves him away from her. He stands aside]

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – SAME TIME

[The Committee from the Town Meeting is taking their places in front of Hutchinson, behind him Judge Oliver.. Hancock is first with other merchants behind him. Sam takes his place at the very back of the Committee. When OTIS joins the group and stands next to Hancock, Commissioner Robinson takes a position just ouside the door where Otis cannot see him]

HUTCHINSON

Welcome, gentlemen. I am grieving with you.

[Polite but skeptical muttering]

I am glad the Town Meeting appointed you to come talk with me. Our fellow citizens have been killed. We are all dreadfully upset.

[Polite sounds of agreement]

A very unfortunate incident that I-

HANCOCK

“Unfortunate incident?” Five dead, others woulnded. The Town demands you remove both regiments from Boston immediately.

OTIS

Human beings – each one, just protesting a free people

HANCOCK

[TBD – reading the names, ages of the dead and wounded]

[As Hancock names them, Sam Adams slips quickly next to Otis, gives him a signal to quiet down. Otis obeys this signal and Sam moves to the back again.]

The town of Boston demands you remove both regiments immediately.

HUTCHINSON

Only General Gage, Commander of his Majesty’s forces in the American colonies., can do that. And he is in New York at the moment.

HANCOCK

[Checking notes and reading from them]

As our acting Governor, you are also commander of our colony’s royal army and our town and county militias.

HUTCHINSON

Then I must also have the authority to tell General Gage to leave both regiments in the town of Boston.

[Angry reactions among the merchants… but as he keeps speaking, one by one, they step back, move to the wall behind Sam Adams.]

I understand why you want the regiments removed. Whether the soldiers were defending themselves from sharp rocks in ice or just frightened, the tragedy is that people have been killed.

[Someone mutters “You brought the army here, you send them out”]

Of course I understand why you want to order the soldiers out. But each one of you is a very intelligent, experienced influential citizen. Think for a moment, what will happen if our town can give orders to His Majesty’s royal army?… Will other colonies decide they can give orders to King and Parliament whenever they disagree?… What kind of chaos would that make for our nation? …And what about the other empires of the world? They hunger for our resources!

[Someone yells “We beat back the French. We won that war!”

If they think we no longer are loyal to our government, you don’t think the French won’t come down again from Canada. And take more lands of the South? Then there’s Spain’s control from Mexico all the way up to the North of Indian Country. You think they won’t move East? … And what about Russia in the North West?

[Someone else shouts: “We’re talking about Boston. Just get the troops out of our city!”]

Every other country in our world is ruled by one monarch or tyrannical barbarian. If they see our colonies fighting our nation? What happens? Every one of those nations would love to see our nation divided. Take over our lands and fisheries. The empires of France, Spain, Russia the Ottoman = each one a brutal regimes that has and can in the gfutre move against us. Will our nation protect us? Take one stone after another out of a stone wall, soon the wall collapses. Are you willing to grab the first stones? if Boston starts commanding the royal army, think – will Parliament invest money and resources protect us? Will His Majesty care? The Mother Country is not perfect. But the Houses of Parliament are willing to negotiate – you saw that they repealed the Stamp tax. Now we must negotiate tariffs. And better management of the troops. Nothing is perfect. But our nation is close to perfection The exquisite balance between equal liberty for all – our wealthy and our commoners each can vote for representatives to make laws and decisions that impact their lives. Our monarch must also follow rules to protect all groups in his domain. The only nation in the world on in the world with liberty. Are you willing to refuse to honor the laws of the only nation in the world to give people the right to vote for their own leaders. Are you willing to take the first stones out of the beautiful foundation of our government?

[Noises of apologies, reconsideration, etc – All have fallen back behind Sam Adams]

SAM ADAMS

A question, Governor Hutchinson. If we do not remove both regiments from Boston so they cannot kill us again, If we cannot decide when soldiers can or cannot take over our homes, have we given up our right to protect our own safety? We are all British citizens. Please help me understand. If our townspeople cannot decide when to remove soldiers who have killed innocents, how can we best protect ourselves and our liberty?

[Teasing – with a sparkle and smile as he zeroes in]

I need your advice. If the town of Boston cannot decide to remove both regiments, – do you want us to ask our representatives in the Massachusetts Bay Assembly to make that decision? Or perhaps you would like us to ask each colony’s House of Rep to vote on whether a town has the right to decide to remove soldiers to a fort when they have killed innocent citizens in an “unfortunate incident?” Whether intentionally or in confusion, soldiers have killed citizens. Do townspeople have the right to order both regiments to the fort outside Boston? Or would you advise us to ask our own and other colonies’ elected representatives?”

JUDGE OLIVER

You must follow the instructions of your Governor.

SAM ADAMS

Thanks you Governor Hutchinson for your praise of liberty. All of us in this room share our love as citizens the only nation in the world to give its citizens the liberty to govern our own lives through our elected representatives. We would all appreciate your counsel for us, the townspeople of Boston, the elected representatives throughout Massachusetts Bay and in the Houses of Representatives throughout the colonies.

HUTCHINSON

The townspeople have voted. No need to ask the other assemblies. We will remove both regiments.

[Gasps of shock]

This meeting is adjourned.

[Everyone files out – some praising him, patting him, shaking his hand… Some so angry they cannot look at him. Alone, he sits to start writing.]

JUDGE OLIVER

[On his way out]

You fool!

EXT. OUTSIDE GOVERNMENT BUILDING – NIIGHT

[As Hutchinson wearily leaves the building alone, exhausted, he sees Ruth Otis sitting alone on the bench.]

HUTCHINSON

Ruth. It’s late – Is something wrong? – Your husband?

RUTH OTIS

We got him to sleep. You’re working late.

HUTCHINSON

I had to write up an explanaton for my decision. A courier will take my letter early tomorrow to General Gage in New York. And the next ship to London.

RUTH

I heard you are removing not one but both regiments.

HUTCHINSON

Yes.

RUTH

Sit a moment.

HUTCHINSON

I’m very tired.

RUTH

You have every reason. James was surprisingly calm when we took him home.

HUTCHINSON

He seemed to understand what I was saying. How did you every marry him?

RUTH

Fathers. His father and mine. Both Colonels in the war against the French. And he certainly wasn’t boring… not a typical son of a rich father.

HUTCHINSON

He hates me for being appointed Chief Justice instead of his father.

RUTH

Let’s not talk about him. Will you be okay – with Parliament? You know, for removing both regiments?

HUTCHINSON

I don’t know.

RUTH

I hope Parliament won’t recall you to face inquiries in London.

HUTCHINSON

Easier than if the King appoints me as actual, not acting governor.

[Quiet for a moment]

At least I made sure we will stay united.

RUTH

We’re one country. The colonies would never survive without the Mother Country.

HUTCHINSON

It’s late. May I walk you home?

[They get up and slowly leave, together.]

[Tita Beal Anntares]

What I learned from this assignment:

Just when I want to stop, breathe, think, get away from this, get back to my life, I force myself to keep my commitment to myself and I lay out the outline for the scenes, make a copy and start writing slug lines, directions/descriptions and dialog – sort of writing over the outline notes… letting myself be bad, not insisting I hit flow, enter each character… although sometimes I do get into flow, despite following a structural template and assignment instructions. (90 minutes/day? Finally getting there, but my mind keeps obsessing)

SU NOTES on Turning Point 3 )so I can see them as I write

· Act III ends with a third Turning Point – Protagonist faces their lowest low. In Turning Point 3 The “All is lost” or “lowest of the lows” moment where everything has failed. Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift.

· Act III Turning Point: the protagonist has met some kind of failure. They have tried the New Ways and came up short. They have hit the lowest point of the journey.

· Having a strong Act 3 Turning Point will cause the audience to feel empathy for the character and set them up for a breakthrough at the conclusion of the 4th Act.

· Remember this: This isn’t the place to be nice to your character. Put them in serious pain and make this a meaningful Turning Point.

· Even though the protagonist has resisted the New Ways for as long as possible, they go into this moment using the New Ways. They have changed inside and this is their chance to prove it. We’re not in the final Act yet, but they now believe in the New Ways.

· A shift has taken place, but is it enough?

· Sadly, the answer is “no.” They are using the New Ways, but something is missing. It is either too late in the competition or they just haven’t figured it out or there is still a part of them that hasn’t changed.

· Whatever the reason, they are crushed! They are defeated.

· This defeat will cause them to reach deeper, to discover what is missing, and to arrive at the Climax empowered. But all of that will all happen in Act 4.

· The job here is to prove with finality that the Protagonist must embrace the New Ways and complete their transformational journey!

OUTLINE OF ACT III.4 Protagonist faces their lowest low.

· <b style=”font-weight: bold;”>

Beginning: The town is demanding Hutch remove both regiments or none. Royal tax Commissioner is scared – Not mob that pulled down your home. Must keep the peace. Remove one and keep other orderly. As Gen Gage in NY says Hutch says he can’t order people to be orderly. Hutch – none, Judge Oliver agrees. Town committee arrives (Otis’ wife trying to stop him from entering. He says she’s embarrassing him – promises he is better). Hutch calls the killings an “unfortunate incident”. None – protect nation. Town – heard that General Gage in NY says remove one and watch the other better.

<b style=”font-weight: bold;”>·

Middle: Hutch greets group – understand – fellow colonists. Hutch gently, lovingly insists no regiments because of need to protect beautiful balance of mixed monarchy with elected reps. Appeals to shared love of liberty. Hutch stands up to them by talking about the fine quality of Boston, Mass, colonies. And shames them for not understanding need for obedience to laws/preservation of order… Group – shamed that they are not standing strong for their nation – caves, Sam holds steady – once at back, now ends up in front. Slams back – touches Hutchinson’s integrity and H gives in. Remove both regiments

o Sam confronts H by focusing on charter rights to freedom/rights in colonies, British Constitution and values for freedom/rights — and if you can move one, can move both… playing to his knowledge that H loves Mass, charter, Brit rights as Brit citizens…

o Despite pressure from Oliver, H agrees. Both regiments will be removed.

o Fury at H by Judge Oliver – Parl, King will see you caved, even less than Gen’ Gage

<b style=”font-weight: bold;”>·

Ending: Others leave, he will write, alone while others celebrate, Ruth Otis arrives. TE5 H realizes he has lost all but he is proud he stood up for British rights

{Note: build him and affair in thru script in revision] <b style=”font-weight: bold;”>

FIRST DRAFT SCRIPT FOR III.4 Turning Point #3

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

EXT. BALCONY IN GOVERNMENT BUILDING– LATE AFTERNOON:

Hutchinson, Judge Oliver, Royal Tax Commissioner on balcony.

HUTCHINSON

I see someone running here from the Town Meeting at Old South Church

JUDGE OLIVER

No matter what – do not remove the troops. You don’t want Parliament or King thinking you let the colonists run the British empire.

ROYAL TAX COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

You must remove the regiment that fired on them. If you refuse, they might turn all the colonies into a raging mob against our government.

HUTCHINSON

Not a mob. They’re understandably upset – innocent lives.

JUDGE OLIVER

“Innocent?!”

]ROBINSON

General Gage says we can remove the regiment that shot people. That will show the nation shares their grief. also don’t want to give colonists an excuse.

HUTCHINSON

General Gage can come up from New York and do that himself.

[Below in street, Dr. Benjamin Church, a spy for Hutch, has run to the building and yells up to balcony]

DR. BENJAMIN CHURCH

Governor Hutchinson! A committee’s coming from Town Meeting

HUTCHINSON

Their mission?

DR. CHURCH

Can you hear them?!

[Chant in distance becomes louder and louder – “Both Regiments or none!” ]

They found out that General Gage agreed to moving out the regiment that killed townspeople. And make sure the other one is more orderly

HUTCHINSON

I can’t order people to be orderly.

ROBINSON

At least General knows what’s at stake. If you don’t remove that regiment, I guaranty, mobs in all the colonies will rise up.

DR. CHURCH

Not mobs – the men coming right now are not the mobs that took down your house, Governor. Leaders of commerce, influence. All of them – shocked and grieving. Our own army has killed British citizens. Got to run – good luck, Governor

[Starts to leave]

ROBINSON

Wait, Dr. Church. Come up – we need all the reinforcements we can get.

DR. CHURCH

I have to leave before they see me. Leaves.

JUDGE OLIVER

Commissioner Robinson, this is confidential of course, but Dr. Church, he, ah, keeps us informed. Don’t want to lose him.

ROBINSON

Governor –Can’t you just send that Sheriff of yours – tell that Committee they don’t need to meet with you – you’re going to remove the regiment out of Boston.

HUTCHINSON

I welcome the chance to tell them, right here in our royal offices, what I’m going to do –remove both or none? My answer is “None.”

OLIVER

Hah!

ROBINSON

But they’ll mobilize all the colonies against the Crown. They’ve already despatched messengers with letters to every colony that the royal army “massacred” citizens.

[HUTCHINSON turns and goes in. Oliver and Robinson follow him in. Below, Hancock and Otis arrive with a gaggle of merchants, all in formal dress/wigs, followed by Sam Adams in his old patched dark red cloak, no wig.

No one on balcony as the group arrives. Hancock, Adams and all merchants enter the building – except Otis. His wife Ruth rushes over to him and holds him back. Backing her up is Otis Two (the Native American Otis has informally adopted and taught the law} dressed as a lawyer]

RUTH OTIS

No, please! You’ll make another scene – get us in worse trouble.

JAMES OTIS JR

I’m fine. Better. Let go of me.

RUTH

I’m begging – if you love me, come home with me!

OTIS

I love you with all my heart, Ruth. And I love our freedom to govern ourselves!

[He rushes into the building, She gestures for OTIS TWO to follow him]

OTIS TWO

I can’t. The townspeople did not – of course – vote me onto that Committee.

RUTH

Then stand by. In case he makes a commotion.

[She takes a seat on a bench but, as he starts to join her, waves him away from her. He stands aside]

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – SAME TIME

[The Committee from the Town Meeting is taking their places in front of Hutchinson, behind him Judge Oliver.. Hancock is first with other merchants behind him. Sam takes his place at the very back of the Committee. When OTIS joins the group and stands next to Hancock, Commissioner Robinson takes a position just ouside the door where Otis cannot see him]

HUTCHINSON

Welcome, gentlemen. I am grieving with you.

[Polite but skeptical muttering]

I am glad the Town Meeting appointed you to come talk with me. Our fellow citizens have been killed. We are all dreadfully upset.

[Polite sounds of agreement]

A very unfortunate incident that I-

HANCOCK

“Unfortunate incident?” Five dead, others woulnded. The Town demands you remove both regiments from Boston immediately.

OTIS

Human beings – each one, just protesting a free people

HANCOCK

[TBD – reading the names, ages of the dead and wounded]

[As Hancock names them, Sam Adams slips quickly next to Otis, gives him a signal to quiet down. Otis obeys this signal and Sam moves to the back again.]

The town of Boston demands you remove both regiments immediately.

HUTCHINSON

Only General Gage, Commander of his Majesty’s forces in the American colonies., can do that. And he is in New York at the moment.

HANCOCK

[Checking notes and reading from them]

As our acting Governor, you are also commander of our colony’s royal army and our town and county militias.

HUTCHINSON

Then I must also have the authority to tell General Gage to leave both regiments in the town of Boston.

[Angry reactions among the merchants… but as he keeps speaking, one by one, they step back, move to the wall behind Sam Adams.]

I understand why you want the regiments removed. Whether the soldiers were defending themselves from sharp rocks in ice or just frightened, the tragedy is that people have been killed.

[Someone mutters “You brought the army here, you send them out”]

Of course I understand why you want to order the soldiers out. But each one of you is a very intelligent, experienced influential citizen. Think for a moment, what will happen if our town can give orders to His Majesty’s royal army?… Will other colonies decide they can give orders to King and Parliament whenever they disagree?… What kind of chaos would that make for our nation? …And what about the other empires of the world? They hunger for our resources!

[Someone yells “We beat back the French. We won that war!”

If they think we no longer are loyal to our government, you don’t think the French won’t come down again from Canada. And take more lands of the South? Then there’s Spain’s control from Mexico all the way up to the North of Indian Country. You think they won’t move East? … And what about Russia in the North West?

[Someone else shouts: “We’re talking about Boston. Just get the troops out of our city!”]

Every other country in our world is ruled by one monarch or tyrannical barbarian. If they see our colonies fighting our nation? What happens? Every one of those nations would love to see our nation divided. Take over our lands and fisheries. The empires of France, Spain, Russia the Ottoman = each one a brutal regimes that has and can in the gfutre move against us. Will our nation protect us? Take one stone after another out of a stone wall, soon the wall collapses. Are you willing to grab the first stones? if Boston starts commanding the royal army, think – will Parliament invest money and resources protect us? Will His Majesty care? The Mother Country is not perfect. But the Houses of Parliament are willing to negotiate – you saw that they repealed the Stamp tax. Now we must negotiate tariffs. And better management of the troops. Nothing is perfect. But our nation is close to perfection The exquisite balance between equal liberty for all – our wealthy and our commoners each can vote for representatives to make laws and decisions that impact their lives. Our monarch must also follow rules to protect all groups in his domain. The only nation in the world on in the world with liberty. Are you willing to refuse to honor the laws of the only nation in the world to give people the right to vote for their own leaders. Are you willing to take the first stones out of the beautiful foundation of our government?

[Noises of apologies, reconsideration, etc – All have fallen back behind Sam Adams]

SAM ADAMS

A question, Governor Hutchinson. If we do not remove both regiments from Boston so they cannot kill us again, If we cannot decide when soldiers can or cannot take over our homes, have we given up our right to protect our own safety? We are all British citizens. Please help me understand. If our townspeople cannot decide when to remove soldiers who have killed innocents, how can we best protect ourselves and our liberty?

[Teasing – with a sparkle and smile as he zeroes in]

I need your advice. If the town of Boston cannot decide to remove both regiments, – do you want us to ask our representatives in the Massachusetts Bay Assembly to make that decision? Or perhaps you would like us to ask each colony’s House of Rep to vote on whether a town has the right to decide to remove soldiers to a fort when they have killed innocent citizens in an “unfortunate incident?” Whether intentionally or in confusion, soldiers have killed citizens. Do townspeople have the right to order both regiments to the fort outside Boston? Or would you advise us to ask our own and other colonies’ elected representatives?”

JUDGE OLIVER

You must follow the instructions of your Governor.

SAM ADAMS

Thanks you Governor Hutchinson for your praise of liberty. All of us in this room share our love as citizens the only nation in the world to give its citizens the liberty to govern our own lives through our elected representatives. We would all appreciate your counsel for us, the townspeople of Boston, the elected representatives throughout Massachusetts Bay and in the Houses of Representatives throughout the colonies.

HUTCHINSON

The townspeople have voted. No need to ask the other assemblies. We will remove both regiments.

[Gasps of shock]

This meeting is adjourned.

[Everyone files out – some praising him, patting him, shaking his hand… Some so angry they cannot look at him. Alone, he sits to start writing.]

JUDGE OLIVER

[On his way out]

You fool!

EXT. OUTSIDE GOVERNMENT BUILDING – NIIGHT

[As Hutchinson wearily leaves the building alone, exhausted, he sees Ruth Otis sitting alone on the bench.]

HUTCHINSON

Ruth. It’s late – Is something wrong? – Your husband?

RUTH OTIS

We got him to sleep. You’re working late.

HUTCHINSON

I had to write up an explanaton for my decision. A courier will take my letter early tomorrow to General Gage in New York. And the next ship to London.

RUTH

I heard you are removing not one but both regiments.

HUTCHINSON

Yes.

RUTH

Sit a moment.

HUTCHINSON

I’m very tired.

RUTH

You have every reason. James was surprisingly calm when we took him home.

HUTCHINSON

He seemed to understand what I was saying. How did you every marry him?

RUTH

Fathers. His father and mine. Both Colonels in the war against the French. And he certainly wasn’t boring… not a typical son of a rich father.

HUTCHINSON

He hates me for being appointed Chief Justice instead of his father.

RUTH

Let’s not talk about him. Will you be okay – with Parliament? You know, for removing both regiments?

HUTCHINSON

I don’t know.

RUTH

I hope Parliament won’t recall you to face inquiries in London.

HUTCHINSON

Easier than if the King appoints me as actual, not acting governor.

[Quiet for a moment]

At least I made sure we will stay united.

RUTH

We’re one country. The colonies would never survive without the Mother Country.

HUTCHINSON

It’s late. May I walk you home?

[They get up and slowly leave, together.]

###

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: the system added some computer-speak gobbledegook and when I copied/pasted from my Word doc, it left out some headings so notes, outline, script all smushed together so I put in manually

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Act III Middle Scenes

What I learned from this assignment:

Dividing the act into beats and then into outlines for the key scenes helps me deal with the overwhelming thought of writing a whole act. But good to outline the scenes together so I can see how they interact together, impact each other… and therefore know what to change and, as I make changes while writing the draft of the script, the outlines help me make the changes consistent with the actions and characters throughout the first 3 scenes.

Key Scene Outlines for III.2 and III.3

Key Scene III.2: Makes a new plan. Now, the hero creates a new plan and pursues it. With that, they embrace the need to change. This could involve training sequences, bringing on new partners, or taking actions they never would have taken during the first half of the movie. Outline of Beat:

· Beginning: Hutchinson starts ordering soldiers to clean up, stop harassing townspeople and he begins writing new letters to Parliament and King—shows Hancock that he has heard them, is on their side. Advocating. Otis, his head still bandaged, out of control. His wife and adopted Native American son get him to leave. (Note to me: “Otis Two” but get him a Wampanoag or Mashpee name)

· Middle: Hancock offers to give banquet for the people and invite Hutchinson who declines – they will want Hancock as Gov. [Note to me – check details about how/when Hancock buddied up with Hutch]

· End: Hutchinson tries to connect with Sam, saying they are fellow colonists, neither wants soldiers. Sam – and then why did you ask for them? Hutchinson – the mobs. My home – Sam, because of unfair tax. Did you write home to stop it. Hutch understands now – says he is writing to get the tax repealed.

Key Scene 3: Things start going well, until… Outline of Beat:

· Beginning: Increased complaints about dirty troops taking over their Town Meetings by bunking in Faneuil Hall. Crowd is taunting, throwing snowballs. Otis egging them on – free citizens should not have military controlling them. His wife tries to get him away.

· Middle: Soldiers shoot, kill. Crowd shocked. Sam and Betsy, mob leaders, trying to help wounded. Otis horrified.

· End: Hutchinson comforting, taking depositions. both Hutch and Sam comforting relatives of the wounded and dead, compassionate for losses, panic.

TE 4 – H realizes how much he cares about people of Boston and Mass.

· Otis sees Hutchinson upset. Weeps for him, praising the beautiful order of their Mother Country – just need same rights here. Tensions between Hutchinson’s focus on law/order and Sam’s focus on freedom/rights are driving Otis insane Betsy confronts Hutch – Sam gets her away… her actual line – drag his hoary head

First Draft Script for Key Scene 2 – Makes a new plan

INT. HANCOCK PARLOR -AFTERNOO

Hutchinson being escorted into over-luxurious parlor by overly-flouncy Dolly Hancock as Hancock points out a table laden with tea setting plus too many drinks and hors d’oevres

DOLLY HANCOCK

We are so honored to have you in our home, Mr. Hutchinson.

HANCOCK

Governor, Dolly! Here sir –

HUTCHINSON

Acting Governor. Still Lieutenant Governor. But Thomas is fine, Mrs. Hancock

HANCOCK

Here – tea? Or do you prefer rum or wine first? And we have these little sausages or this smoked cod… or we can have Cook bring something lighter if a savory tea is too –

[Dolly rushes to pour tea for Hutchinson]

HUTCHINSON

Nothing thank you.

DOLLY

Oh, dear. What else can I get you?

HUTCHINSON

Nothing. I just want to reassure you, I have ordered Captain Preston to control his troops better. Clean up after themselves in Faneuil hall. Use the privies. And I want to assure you, I understand what you and other men of commerce have been saying that the colonial charters –

HANCOCK

Spare me more legal points. You can tell me hundreds of your facts but-

HUTCHINSON

You’re right.

HANCOCK

I’m what??

HUTCHINSON

I should apologize. I have written Lord Dalrymple and others that they cannot just pay off their war debt by taxing the colonies. I have explained that of course Parliament can make final decisions for the colonies but our charters –

DOLLY

Oh, Mr. ah – Thomas. I knew you were on our side. We’re all British citizens – no reason to fight over a stupid tax.

HANCOCK

Dolly, the government issues are not stupid

HUTCHINSON

Mrs. Hancock is very wise. No reason to fight at all. Just a matter of policy. The charters gave all rights to the people – let them vote on anything. But we – any of us with education and sensibility – we know we need a balance between the voice of everyman, the experience of men of influence, and the mediating benevolence of royalty. I wanted to ask you to help me organize a meeting of men of influence. Together, we –

HANCOCK

I’m very honored.

HUTCHINSON

Honored?

HANCOCK

That you think I can bring them together.

HUTCHINSON

You’ve been very effective in supporting the boycott of any products taxed.

DOLLY

My husband was only talking with the radicals to learn what they are doing. So he could warn you.

HANCOCK

Right! I was never –

HUTCHINSON

The past is past. What we need to do now is join to together with other men of commerce. Develop proposals that I can pass on to leaders of Parliament.

HANCOCK

Can we trust you? I did. But you were secretly calling in the royal army.

HUtCHINSON

What if mobs had pillaged and burned this beautiful home of yours?

DOLLY

Oh, la, I’m going to faint.

HANCOCK

Don’t worry. She never does. Forgive me for asking – but it’s just hard to trust…

HUTCHINSON

If I cannot get Parliament – or even the King – to understand the concerns of colonists, I will resign as Acting Governor.

HANCOCK

Give up all that money?

HUTCHINSON

You thought I accepted this position this for money? No amount of money could make this job worth it. You probably believe all the attacks on me. But I love our colony. But if I cannot get them to listen to me, I will tell them to find a stronger man to be Governor.

###

First Draft Script for Key Scene 3 – Things go well, until…

EXT. OUTSIDE GOVERNMENT BUILDING – SNOWY EVENING

Royal army soldiers are lined up, armed. Crowd is gathering, shouting “Bloody lobsters!”… “Looking at our women!”… One boy throws a snowball. Otis, head still bandaged, runs up, shouts to crowd as more and more men and boys, black as well as white – and including Crispus Attucks, a large half African/half Native American, pick up snow to make snowballs

OTIS

You see what one of their men did to me? Their royal tax Commissioner?! And last week – the soldiers attacks our own boys. Our colony has our own militia. If we need protection, we can call in our own troops! Free citizens can protect ourselves!

[His wife, Ruth, and his adopted Native American son, try to draw him away but he frees himself and runs back. They stop him from making his own snowball and get him away from the crowd.

[Crowd pelts the soldiers with snowballs. One soldier, hit, yells in pain, “Rocks!” more and more snowballs thrown, soldiers nervous. Soldiers are shouting back – “Criminals!” – “Stand back” – “Worse than your own savages”… “Violent mob!” In the midst of the shouting and onslaught of snowballs, someone yells “Fire!” and the soldiers, already feeling attacked, fire on the crowd.

Four drop dead including Crispus Attucks- and a young boy lies wounded. Gasps. Silence. Some in crowd run, some rush to the fallen, the troops, guns still aimed at the crowd, stare, frozen. Sam and Betsy Adams run to help the fallen. Otis is wandering around glazed, horrified. Sam starts to guide him out of the crowd but he shakes Sam off and yells at Sam]

OTIS

Murderer! Now look what you’ve caused!!

[Runs off. Betsy Adams rushes to the government building]

BETSY ADAMS

Hutchinson!! [Turns to crowd] Hutchinson called in the royal army against us!

[looking up at the empty balcony and shaking her fist]

Murderer!!!! I’ll drag your hoary head through the streets of Boston.

[She and Sam go back to tending to the fallen. Hutchinson rushes in, also tends to wounded in other areas.]

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – MORNING

[Hutchinson comforting, taking depositions. Hutchinson is clearly in mourning along with the town. Townspeople lined up, giving short overlapping testimonies]

[INSERT quotes from actual ones]

[Otis runs in, has not changed clothes. Startles townspeople and Hutchinson by falling on Hutchinson’s shoulders, weeping]

OTIS

I’m sorry… so sorry. You were trying to protect us – balance our ship.

HUTCHINSON

Very unfortunate incident.

OTIS

You were trying to balance the –

HUTCHINSON

Please, Mr. Otis, I am taking witness testimonies.

OTIS

But now — Sam Adams has already sent out a letter to his correspondence committees. To every county in Massachusetts Bay and all the other colonies. Even King and Parliament. Blaming you for – for – a “Massacre”!

###

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: typo

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint (Assignment-Day 17)

What I learned from this assignment:

How useful it is to have a simple template for the rhythm of scenes. For the first 20%good draft. I can always make it more interesting, richer later. After I’ve survived the challenge of getting the basic script blocked out. What I haven’t learned is why, when I copy/past my Word doc onto this form, some typed sections don’t show up and I have to hand type them in.

Notes to me – SU Guidelines and the Act II -> Act III Transformation (so I remember when I write script)

SU Guidelines – Reminders for me from Assignment 17 and earlier ones:

· Act II Midpoint: As Act 2 was finishing up, the Protagonist had a major shock to their reality — the Midpoint. That moment shifts their life and their way of thinking. The game has changed and for the first time, they see the new rules that they didn’t know. That naturally is going to cause them to rethink things, which will start Act 3.

· Act III. With Midpoint change, Profound moments that give us new ways. New Plan – Purses it, embraces need to change.

o When the Midpoint changes the meaning of the journey, the Protagonist must rethink their situation. Something major has changed, leaving the Hero floundering for a path toward survival or success. They must now face the real story beneath the surface! This is part of the Hero’s transformation —The Midpoint changes everything. This is an important part of the Hero’s transformation.

o Reaction/Rethink scenes are part of character growth and part of the transformational journey.The Hero starts to:

A. Have multiple insights into why things weren’t working.B. See that the Old Ways just won’t cut it anymore.C. Up their game, which means they must change!

Note: In an Action movie, the reaction can be played out as action.

—-

Transformation from Act II to Act III.

SAME JOURNEY: Keep the colonies together with the Mother Country by telling colonists why the laws of Parliament are fair to them and why colonists must obey in order to save their union with the only free nation in the world where people can elect their own representatives in Parliament to pass laws that affect their lives… and if distant, have virtual representation through their colonial representative appointed by the king.

– ACT II Midpoint: Sam’s publishing of Hutchinson’s letters asking for military protection after his home is destroyed turn all colonists against him

– ACT III React/Rethink: Hutchinson’s humiliation, shame… wondering why just giving the best argument did not win over people…then realization that he has been telling people what to do, not listening or involving them as partners

DIFFERENT MEANING: Keep colonies united with the Mother Country by listening, partnering, not ordering them around.

ACT III BEATS/OUTLINES

Key Scene III.1: React/Rethink the new reality revealed by Midpoint. Outline of Beat:

· Beginning: Troops have arrived. Hutchinson welcomes them, justifying them… He overrides complaints that they are taking over the town’s meeting space Faneuil Hall- Sam making fun of them. Otis, head bandaged from beating, praises order, uniforms.

· Middle: Hancock furious at Hutchinson. Promised. Otis threatening to shoot them – free people. His wife and adopted son force Otis home. Peter Oliver glad some protection. Hutchinson tries to explain – no one listens. Hutch realizes he was telling people what to do not trying to understand their concerns and needs

· End: Hutchinson tries to reset his relationships – listen, hear their grievances but Sam organizes letter writing all over Mass and colonies.

Key Scene III.2: Makes a new plan. Now, the hero creates a new plan and pursues it. With that, they embrace the need to change. This could involve training sequences, bringing on new partners, or taking actions they never would have taken during the first half of the movie. Outline of Beat:

· Beginning: Hutchinson starts ordering soldiers to clean up, stop harassing townspeople and he begins writing new letters to Parliament and King—shows Hancock that he has heard them, is on their side. Advocating. Otis, his head still bandaged, out of control. His wife and adopted Native American son get him to leave. (Note to me: “Otis Two” but get him a Wampanoag or Mashpee name)

· Middle: Hancock offers to give banquet for the people and invite Hutchinson who declines – they will want Hancock as Gov. [Note to me – check details about how/when Hancock buddied up with Hutch]

· End: Hutchinson tries to connect with Sam, saying they are fellow colonists, neither wants soldiers. Sam – and then why did you ask for them? Hutchinson – the mobs. My home – Sam, because of unfair tax. Did you write home to stop it. Hutch understands now – says he is writing to get the tax repealed.

Key Scene 3: Things start going well, until… Outline of Beat:

· Beginning: Increased complaints about dirty troops taking over their Town Meetings by bunking in Faneuil Hall. Crowd is taunting, throwing snowballs. Otis egging them on – free citizens should not have military controlling them. His wife tries to get him away.

· Middle: Soldiers shoot, kill. Crowd shocked. Sam and Betsy, mob leaders, trying to help wounded. Otis horrified.

· End: Hutchinson comforting, taking depositions. both Hutch and Sam comforting relatives of the wounded and dead, compassionate for losses, panic.

TE 4 – H realizes how much he cares about people of Boston and Mass.

· Otis sees Hutchinson upset. Weeps for him, praising the beautiful order of their Mother Country – just need same rights here. Tensions between Hutchinson’s focus on law/order and Sam’s focus on freedom/rights are driving Otis insane Betsy confronts Hutch – Sam gets her away… her actual line – drag his hoary head

Key Scene 4: Turning Point – Protagonist faces their lowest low. Turning Point 3 The “All is lost” or “lowest of the lows” moment where everything has failed. Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift. Outline of Beat:

· Beginning: Sam Adams gets Town Meeting – in a Church – to demand removal of both regiments or none. Sam in town hall gets townspeople to march demanding removal of both regiments from Boston after what Sam calls the “Massacre” -and Hutch calls an “unfortunate incident”. Otis promising he is better.

· Middle: Hutchinson’s people telling him he must be strong, not give in. Hutch says he can’t order people to be orderlywants to remove the regiment responsible for the killings, but not both.

· End: Hutchison shames Hancock, Otis to back off… But Sam, at back, now ends up in front. Slams back – touches Hutchinson’s integrity and H gives in. Remove both regiments. Notes for this scene: Meeting with H –

o Officials say no regiments leave. Hutch wiling to say he will remove the one that did the killing; Sam has got the Town Meeting and its reps in this meeting to say Both regiments must leave Boston

o Brits and Tories telling him to keep army in Boston. Hutch stands up to them by talking about the fine quality of Boston, Mass, colonies. And shames them for not understanding need for obedience to laws/preservation of order

o Hancock, Otis, other Leaders from Town Meeting fall back, too intimidated by Hutch

o Left alone to confront Hutch is Sam who usually is at the back of a demonstration, at the front. Sam confronts H by focusing on charter rights to freedom/rights in colonies, British Constitution and values for freedom/rights —playing to his knowledge that H loves Mass, charter, Brit rights as Brit citizens…

o Despite pressure, H agrees. Both regiments will be removed.

o Fury at H by royals and Tories, blaming H for weakness, coddling fellow Amer…

o TE5 H realizes he has lost all but he is proud he stood up for Brit

FIRST DRAFT SCRIPT FOR III.1 REACT/RETHINK

Beginning:

EXT. KING STREET BENEATH GOVERNMENT BUILDING – DAY

[Troops arrive, line up outside the Government building in their fine redcoat uniforms, armed. A crowd is gathering. Some boys are pretend marching, trying to see the guns close up. Tax Commissioner Robinson shakes Captain Preston’s hand. Hutchinson , with Judge Oliver behind him, comes out to greet Captain Preston. When James Otis and his wife Ruth walk by, Otis looks at Commissioner Robinson, as if trying to remember. Robinson steps a safe distance away. John Hancock rushes out of his gold plaited carriage]

HUTCHINSON

Captain Preston, the people of Boston welcome you and your regiments.

JUDGE OLIVER

And about time too. Thank heavens we have some protection

SAM ADAMS

Oh, yes, Captain. We are so grateful for your protection… from, ah … Maybe the French sneaked back out of Quebec?

JAMES OTIS

Our warriors, back from beating the French!

[Moving too close to Captain Preston, touching his musket]

RUTH OTIS

[Guiding Otis away]

Sorry, Governor Hutchinson. He hasn’t recovered from that bar fight. [To Otis] We beat the French five years ago.

SAM

Maybe these fine soldiers have come to protect us from a Mohawk uprising? Or the Algonquins? – although I thought the peace treaties were holding.

Middle

JOHN HANCOCK

Governor Hutchinson – you should keep them in the fort. No one would see them – they’re making a mess of Faneuil Hall.

JUDGE OLIVER
We’re all relieved to bring back order to this colony.

JOHN HANCOCK

Order?! They’re making a filthy, smelly mess of our hall. Buckets of excrement

SAM

[Coaching him]

John – the town meetings…

JOHN HANCOCK

Right – how are we supposed to hold our Town Meetings with soldiers bunked down all over the floor?!

SAM

Maybe that’s the point? To stop townspeople from electing representatives who can call for the repeal of the tax. Mr. Hancock – didn’t you say something about quatering, you know, the law?

[NOTE TO ME – Did I write the scene where Sam wooes Hancock by getting mob leaders to call him King Hancock? If not, add it to Act I]

HANCOCK

Quartering soldiers among peaceful townspeople… isn’t there a law

HUTCHINSON

[TBD – spouts the law]

SAM ADAMS

That’s our Governor. Mr. Hutchinson is going to lecture us again about the law – while breaking it by quartering the military in [TBD – get the legal phrase]

[As crowd agrees with Sam. Mocks his quoting of laws. Hutchinson takes Hancock into the government building. They soon appear on the balcony. Hancock is mesmerized by the view from the top.]

Ending:

HUTCHINSON

Mr. Hancock, can you feel the power? I’m just as upset about this as you and all our townspeople. I only asked for a small guard. To protect my family if the mobs tried to attack us in our new home. And to protect other men of commerce. Like yourself. I never expected the king to send two regiments! I understand why everyone is so upset about the Stamp Tax. Look, I had to enforce it. My job. But I am also a fellow Bostonian. Together we can meet with merchants. Specially now that Otis has been silenced. Temporarily. It’s our change. None of us want a tax imposed on us. Parliament never gave up their right – but colonists also have the right. What did you say about colonial charters –

HANCOCK

Not me. Samuel will know – [Starting to call down] Mr. Ad–

HUTCHINSON

No, don’t get him involved. We can work this out together. And with other men of influence.

HANCOCK

He said something about the king’s charters for each colony… but I don’t-

HUTCHINSON

Don’t worry. We can join together with other men of commerce to ask Parliament to rescind the Stamp Act. Explain to them why everyone in the colonies is so upset – find other ways to help the Mother Country pay off her debts.

HANCOCK

Yes – Parliament never sent funds to help us fight the French.

HUTCHINSON

Yes. It’s about fairness. I’ve heard you. And I can help you and all your fellow merchants reason with the Lords of Parliament.

HANCOCK

But I thought you –

HUTCHINSON

We are fellow citizens of the only free nation in a world of tyrants.

HANCOCK

Uh-oh. Here comes the but. Please Governor Hutchinson, don’t. My mind spins when you start telling us all the laws we have to obey

HUTCHINSON

Promise. I want to hear your ideas about how the colonies can stay aligned with our Mother Country. If the tyrants of the world commotions between the colonies and our government in England they will join together to tear us apart, chop up our colonies and Indian country into Spain, France, Russia – We can’t let that happen. We are the only nation where people can elect our own representatives to Parliament to make decisions that affect our lives. No tyrants. Our leaders in the Houses of Parliament. They can listen to reason… And I can help you – all of us – explain our concern that our colonial representative in Parliament is our only elected representative to vote on a tax –

HANCOCK

But we don’t vote for –

HUTCHINSON

Exactly. The kind appoints him. But It’s not either our colonial rep in Parl or our elected reps in each colony’s assembly. Now let’s go in and plan – you can give me the names of the most intelligent men of commerce – people we can listen to.

[As Hutchinson reaches out to shake Hancock’s hand, Sam Adams, on the street below, looks up at them on the balcony. Concerned.]

###

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Has Completed ACT II, Draft 1 (Assignment 16. Finish Act II)<div>

What I learned from this Assignment:

When writing the play so fast every day feels overwhelming, the SU template steps help me keep moving forward, not give up because it’s so bad or so many loose ends are flying around my mind. Curious if this would be as helpful without the pressure to produce a segment every day. Will try using this template on my next play without the daily deadlines… will I work more comfortably or without the time pressure, delay and get lost in over-thinking before I have a 20%-decent first draft?

SU Guidelines and assignment notes to keep in mind:

Scenes for Act 2 at a 20% quality level:

Scene 1: Reaction to the Turning Point.Scene 2: Protagonist makes a plan and executes it.Scene 3: Not only does their plan fail, but…Scene 4: Turning Point = Midpoint.

Once you have those complete, feel free to outline and write out any other scenes that will fill out your 2nd Act. Do a quick read of Act 2 and add/improve anything you’d like. Every day that you get an assignment done, feel good about the accomplishment and celebrate! That communicates to your creative mind that you’re doing something worth repeating. Keep going! You’ll be proud when you’re done!

SCRIPT

Act II – Reaction Scene (First Scene in Act II – Reaction to Turning Point at end of Act I):

Beginning:

1NT. STUDY IN HUTCHINSON’S ELEGANT BOSTON HOME– DAY

[Hutchinson madly working at desk, surrounded by piles of books, paper, files. He writes, crosses out, starts to throw paper away, files it carefully in wastebasket. Knocking on door with a cane]

PEGGY HUTCHINSON

I told you, Judge Oliver. My father is writing his history.

[Hutchinson’s daughter Peggy tries to hold back Judge Peter Oliver who is pushing through the door, shouting]

JUDGE PETER OLIVER

[Yelling]

History is being made right now!! (INSERT PO’s rant against Sam and Otis as sons of Satan)

PEGGY

Please! My father is already upset. He needs to write.

HUTCHINSON

How can I write?! First my sons telling me that I should do whatever the tax Commisioner wants so I do’t lose my position – or a chance to be Governor. Now my cousin ranting

Middle:

JUDGE OLIVER

Not ranting! Trying to force you to face the truth. Otis and Adams are not just ensnaring the people of Boston – they’ve got silversmith jumping on his horse to take copies of all correspondence about the tax into our Western counties And others ride to the borders so people on all our borders – Connecticut, New York, New Hampshire, the Vermont Territory and Rhode Island Then runners tke the letters spople are mobilizing against this Stamp tax all over the colonies. Runners pick up the correspondence I nto the other countries frm there! What are you going to do to put out this prairie fire before this two servants of Satan start a prairie fire in Boston and Mass?

HUTCH

before you barged in –I – I was looking for my copies of letters fro Lord Dartmouth (name?] proving Parliament never gave up their right t tax the colonies.

JUDGE

If you don’t know what to do, I do. The first sign of anyone refusing to pay the tax, we arrest them. Fill the jails – and if the jails overvflow, we arrest and lock them in cell

HUtCH

No, no! That’s just the kind of tyrannical action that will feed them!

JUDGE

So you do nothing?

HUTCH

I’ll keep reasoning with them. Explain the laws. They’re our fellow citizens – we can’t arrest them because they are sure they are protesting an unfair law. Even if the law says Parl an ta them, doensn’t mean it’s fair t tax them.

JUDGE

That really worked – last week you didn’t even finish your speech. Had people sneering and jeering. Walking off. Some of them who found a bench fell asleep.

Ending

HUTCH

Believe me – we can trust our government to realize they rescind the tax. They should stick to tariffs on imports if anything

JUDGE

What did the empire get for their troubles when they were just imposing tariffs? Supposedly decent men of wealth refusing to pay the tax, smuggling heir stuff – then that Otis radical calling us tyrants because we send Customs aentpppgents to take back the contrabnand fast as a fox,they

HUTCH

Sloppy thinking, Judge – the first arrest will turn every Brtish citzens in our colony into a tax evader = and proud of it.

JUDGE

So what are you going to do?

HUTCH

Not arrest them

JUDGE

That’s n ot an answer

[Stomps out]

PEGGY

He’s proably going to get Gov Bernard to arrest anyone not buying the tax stamp.

HUTCH

Gov Bernard just wants to get recalled to London. He won’t do anything that might make the Kng tell him to stay her

PEGGY

Or worse – that tax commissioner threatened t write a bad report about you to the king. If you lose your appointment – everyone in the family may lose shipping contracts – future placements… Billy and Tommy – and what about cousin Andrew – if the king turns on you, wont he cancel the appointment of cousin Andrew as tax master?

HUTCH

I’ll write Lord Dartmouth again. I trust our nation to do the right thing… even after they do the worst first. We live in the only nation with liberty in a world of tyrants around the world – monarchies. Parliament will realize the Stam tax may be legal but its not a good strategy. King Charles of Spain, King Louis of France – and xxxxx. If they see we can’t control our own citizens, make them pay taxes – they will all band together to take bites out f us –

PEGGY

But we beat back the French. All the colonies of New England stayed British

HUTCH

They can all move into Indian country.- the French ccan come down from the North, the Spaniards up from Florida… Don’t worry, I’ll write Lord Dartmouth again . And some other. keep writing Parl… show them why taxing the colonies is legal and their right, They will see reason.

Act II Key Scene 2 Protagonist takes on a plan and executes itL

Beginning:

EXT. TREE OF LIBERTY IN BOSTON GREEN- NIGHT

Following Judge Peter Oliver who rushes in pointing in rage to view the protest, Hutchinson is shocked. Tax Commissioner Robinson stays, frightened, at the back. Townspeople – merchants, shopkeepers, laborers, dockworkers, even ministers and some policemen in uniform but part of the crowd – stand around a large wagon with a glowing lantern inside a sheet painted with dancing devils – and hanging from a pole on the wagon, an effigy of a man labeled “Tax Master” and a large boot labeled “Lord Bute.”

JUDGE PETER OLIVER

Arrest them!

HUTCHINSON

For…?

JAMES OTIS

[Leaps out from crowd]

We’ll be hanging the Lords of Parliament as soon as-

SAM ADAMS

[Pulling Otis away to back]

Jemmy, keep it peaceful.

JOHN HANCOCK

[Apologetically]

But Judge Oliver, they reassured me that our Constitution gives every British citizen –

JAMES OTIS

[Breaking free and in Oliver’s face]

Anywhere! Damn right! Every citizen of Great Britain has the right to vote for our own leaders to make laws for us, tax us. Our forefathers never gave up that right by moving to the New World!

JOHN HANCOCK

They showed me the King’s charter to the first settlers of our colony. Too far to elect people for Parliament so the king gave them the right –

JAME OTIS

[Interrupting]

Right to elect our own leaders. As long as we are loyal to our monarch. By standing against the illegal Stamp Tax, we are showing our loyalty to our king and the Constitution of our nation Great Britain!

[Crowd cheers]

We got one of those boxes of Stamp Tax papers – make us prove we paid your illegal tax by stamping every purchase? People of this colony – what are we going to do with Parliament’s illegal tax on us? Hold up your stamp papers! You don’t have one? Hold up any paper you got.

[Grabs a torch, lights it from a lantern, and starts lighting stamp papers, people light each others’ paper until the circle around the wagon becomes a circle of fires]

JUDGE OLIVER

Where’s Sheriff Greenleaf?!

OTIS

[Now in Hutchinson’s face]

See? The people trust me. They know I resigned from the royal position rather than let our officers break into people’s homes.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Smugglers’ homes. And you’re inebriated.

JUDGE OLIVER

[to Robinson] That’s just what he’s like.

[to Hutchinson] Lieutenant Gov – we don’t want the Commissioner reporting back that we;’re unruly savages – do something! Get the police – disburse this crowd. Arrest him arrested and I’ll jail him

[Angry roar from crowd]

HUTCHINSON

If we arrest him, this whole crowd will become enraged –

[Eying Sam Adams who is guiding Otis away again.]

– and another rabble rouser will pop up then –

Middle:

SAM ADAMS

[Handing Otis over to Hancock]

Gentlemen, come see this magnificent creation the people have created – their peaceful protest against your illegal tax

[Two men rush forward, each trying to be the first to explain proudly]

HENRY SWIFT

[Dockworker pointing proudly to the boot]

I hanged Lord Bute here for telling Parliament to stick us with the Stamp Act? And –

EBENEEZER MACKINTOSH

King Louis. We sent his French troops and their Indians back into Canada. Even Satan here couldn’t help him invade our British colonies!

HENRY SWIFT

And – and we’re hanging the Tax Master – Ain’t he your cousin, Lieutenant Governor?

JAMES OTIS

See?! Anyone stealing our rights will be hanged for – Mr. Hancock, leave me be – for depriving our right as British citizens to govern and tax ourselves! Anyone! House of Lords, House of Commoners. Even royal appointees born right here in Boston!

[Crowd getting agitate]

JUDGE OLIVER

Police! We’re outnumbered? Go fast – get the Sheriff and reinforcements!

[The policemen who had been part of the crowd run off blowing their whistles to alert the Sheriff. Crowd becomes angrier]

SAM ADAMS

[To Crowd]

How can we show the good Judge Oliver and all of Lieutenant Governor’s other family and friends that we are peaceful citizens exercising our lawful right to express our concerns?

MACKINTOSH

[Jumping up to effigies on wagon]

Yeah – me and my South End boys’ll show how we’re gonna hang anyone takes away our rights!

HANCOCK

Mr. Adams, this is –

SWIFT

You’re full of it, Mackintosh – me and my North Enders’ll send their tax men back to London or down to Hell!

Ending

SAM ADAMS

[To Crowd}

A law abiding people. But we’re free to protest Parliament’s illegal tax on us. Who are we?

[Many in crowd shout “Sons of Liberty!”]

Do the Sons of Liberty have the courage and strength to cart our wagon up to the top of that hill and sacrifice our effigies for trying to take away our rights as British citizens? Mr. Mackintosh – Mr. Swift – can you and your men start the procession?

[The procession begins, taking the wagon off]

JUDGE OLIVER

[TBD – Fuming as in his book against Otis and Adams]

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Harvard graduates. Good families – why?!

JUDGE OLIVER

Jealousy. Sons of men who helped us win the war last year against the French.

HUTCHINSON

The king gave me the appointment Colonel Otis wanted – James accused me of buying his father’s position. And Samuel Adams? His father wanted us to allow farmers to set up a Land Bank -use land as currentcy. Ridiculous. Both of them loyal sons, each blaming me for the idiocy of their fathers.

JUDGE OLIVER

Look!

[They see on a hill a bonfire and silhouette shadows of people dancing around it]

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Primitive savages. Why do the men of commerce join with them?

JUDGE OLIVER

Scared.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Understandable. Most from the poorhouses and prisons of the Mother Country. People back home thought the colonies were just rich farmers and shippers. I’ll tell ‘em.

HUTCHINSON

To survive in the wilderness. Often under attack by the tribes And recently by the French and the Indians. Even the wealthiest had to be tough. Parliament must rescind this Stamp Tax.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Not you, too?!

—

Additional Scene/Placeholder

EXT. PORCH OF GREEN DRAGON TAVERN. TWO WEEKS LATER/AFTERNOON

Sam mobilizes merchants, workers, ministers, gang members, farmers etc. into Committee of Correspondence to end news of the peaceful protest, pride in the people… send throughout Massachusetts and the other colonies.

[TBD Insert part of Sam’s words from his actual letter praising the bravery and patriotism of the people]

Joyful celebration – Otis ecstatic – the real spirit of the people…

—

Key Scene 3: Not Only Does the Plan Fail, but…Old ways don’t work

Beginning:

EXT. OUTSIDE HUTCHINSON’S HOME IN BOSTON – NIGHT

Large angry group is gathering with torches yelling at Hutchinson who is on his porch alone. His slave Andrew and his daughter Peggy come out.

HUTCHINSON

Andrew – take Peggy inside – no – take her to Judge Oliver’s home – anywhere safe.

[Peggy refuses to go with Andrew – he can’t physically touch her to force her. So stand to guard her.

Otis and Sam Adams rush in at the back of the crowd. Sam’s wife Betsy joins him]

OTIS

Too late! Hancock told me someone got the South and North Enders drunk… but so many have joined them!

SAM

Betsy – this isn’t safe.

BETSY

They’re going to ruin all the respect and unity you built

[Sam starts going from one person to another, saying “We’re loyal civilized people – are we going to let ourselves act like criminals? Help us stop this!” – Betsy does same, working the crowd but going to the few women in the crowd – “Get your man to go home” . Otis takes his cue and goes to others… Hancock joins them too… but no one listens to them or laughs at them, yells at them to join The People, or worse, snap back at the men (not at Betsy – just polite ignoring of her). They burrow into the crowd.

Throughout, Hutchinson is addressing the crowd. TBD – Get his actual words from letters and splice into these 3 sections:]

HUTCHINSON

I understand your concerns – we have always had the right to elect representatives who can pass laws and tax us.

[Yells – cannot tax us – only our elected reps can… Otis joins in with his phrase from earlier – Taxation without representation is tyranny – but Sam shuts him up, gestures to keep the crowd peaceful.]

Hutchinson, Continues

The king can appoint administrators and judges because we can wait two months for the royal papers to arrive… I’ve heard you – we all know the king gave us charters allowing us to set up our own elected assemblies of elected representatives.

[Some cheers from crowd mixed with shouts like “Then stop the Stamp tax!”

Hutchinson, Continues

Each colony has rights… But Parliament did not give up the right to pass laws that are necessary for all colonies…

[Crowd starts jeering, throwing things.]

PEGGY HUTCHINSON

Father – come – you have to leave!

HUTCHINSON

Andrew! I told you to take her to safety.

PEGGY

I’m not leaving without you!

ANDREW

Come with me, Miss Hutchinson. You can get someone to call the sheriff. I promise, I’ll come back to help him.

PEGGY

It will be too late. Father

[Rioters rush up to the porch. Andrew Hutchinson away. Peggy follows. The three watch in horror from a safe distance and the crowd loots, bringing their elegant thing out and giving to people to take away… boxes of papers are just dumped….torches start fire. The house starts to burn – Hutchinson forces himself from his slave Andrew to try to collect his papers from the ground.

[Hutchinson is desperately trying to collect papers from ground as rioters step on them, push Hutchinson out of their way as they run in and out of the housewith his possessions]

HUTCHINSON

My history – our history

[Andrew rushes in, fights off attacks, grabs and drags Hutchinson, still clutching papers, to safety.

Middle: (Next Plan)

INT. HUTCHINSON’S OFFICE – DAY

[Hutchinson has been awake all night, in same clothes, trying to sort his papers. Standing near him is Judge Oliver. And sitting near by, the Tax Commissioner Robinson. Quietly, merchants including Hancock and shopkeepers, come in to put their hands on his shoulders, whisper apologies – Hancock, others

[Otis runs in, weeping, gives Hutchinson an unwanted bear hug, Tax Commissioner pulls him off]

OTIS

My deep apologies! Damn them. Damn Sam Adams. Believe me, Thomas – Mr. Hutchinson. I will fight them to the death. I was so wrong. –

JUDGE OLIVER

[starts his rant again – TBD get from book]

HUTCHINSON

Thank you, Mr. Otis. That took courage and decency.

OTIS

How could I be so misled. I was so wrong. You were right – our nation is the only nation in the world where Lords and Commoners can elect their own representatives in Parliament. We can’t destroy that beautiful order – with our monarch serving all the people, defending us –

[Gestures for Oliver Andrew to get Otis out – which he does, firmly, with contempt. Practically throws him out, closes the door – cutting off the line of people waiting to apologize.]

JUDGE OLIVER

[Rant against the people continues – get the actual words]

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

You know you are in danger here. All the people of your colony are in danger. You don’t have enough police. Your militia cant be trusted – they may be part of the mob.

HUTCHINSON

You saw how people apologized – they are still lined up.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Apologies only because your home was destroyed. They care about property at least. But they wont stop fighting you

HUTCHINSON

My family and I can move to our country home in Milton. We will be all right. But my writings – the history of each person who built our colony from nothing . I was bringing them to life again – each burning page was their second death

JUDGE OLIVER

[Ranting against people again]

HUTCHINSON

Judge Oliver. Think. The ugly violence last night – so many people coming to apologize.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Those radicals – they will stir them up again. You need to call for troops from England.

HUTCHINSON

That will only inflame them again… But if we build on this foundation – their goodwill right now. Show them we are fellow citizens. They’ve seen me as their competitor for royal appointments. As if because I may be wealthier, I think I’m better. The radicals are making them fantasize about equality… I can show I am listening to them, respect their concerns about taxes. Build consensus. I can write Lord XXXX – explain the reasoning for repealing the Stamp Act. Just focus on tariffs on imports.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Then they win.

HUTCHINSON

Not about winning. We must rebuild trust – this is our opportunity. To reconnect with people of influence, men of commerce. Please – open the door.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Sounds ridiculous. That mob last night could have killed you. And your daughter.

HUTCHINSON

Let the next one in. I will stay here, accepting their shared grief.

[Robinson lets in the next one and leaves himself. Otis’s Tory wife come in. As he leaves:]

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Whatever you do, ask the king for protection.

RUTH OTIS

Does he mean the royal army? [Hutchinson nods] You need troops. My husband – the people – he has started an anger in them. He will not stop. None of them will

[She touches him carefully]

I am so very sorry. I wonder. Should you and I just take our children home to the Mother Country?

[Hutchinson looks at her for a moment, wishing]

HUTCHINSON

I must save the unity of – our nation. The Mother Country needs us. Our colony – all the others. We need Great Britain. The only nation in the world to allow the people to elect their reps in Parl – if we look divided, the kings of Spain, France, Russia – even the Ottomans

JUDGE OLIVER

Mrs. Otis, how could you ever marry that Satanic madman? The Cunninghams – you come from one of our best families.

RUTH

Peter – what could I do? His father and my father, both Colonels in our long war against the French. And before he became political – James was an excellent lawyer.

[To Hutchinson]

And I saw how happy you and your Margaret were. Oh, dear, there are many waiting to give you their commiserations and support. I shouldn’t take up your time.

[She starts to leave. Looks back]

If I can help in any way…

Ending – Plan in Action

EXT. OUTSIDE GREEN DRAGON TAVERN

[Sam is walking with his wife Betsy near the tavern. Former friends pass, nod. Hurry away. Some ignore him. Merchants, shop keepers. friends, avoiding Sam. Some mutter negative comments, some look at him and laugh. Most ignore Sam’s nod of greeting.]

[REWRITE NOTE – Revise this so as they talk, they are feeling their love for each other and lighten the political talk]

“So glad His Majesty appointed Thomas Hutchinson to be our new Governor – first American-born governor!”

“His inauguration today starts a new government. Orderly. Peaceful. Hutchinson will try to get the Stamp Act repealed – but going through the process, not using the mobs!”

“If you want to show your support, I’m sure they’ll let you into the inauguration party – seriously. We’ll all be better off if we stand together against the violent extremists.”

BETSY

They think you caused the riots. So unfair. You were standing up for liberty

SAM ADAMS

We must keep standing for liberty

BETSY

Who’s “we?” No one even wants to say hello to you now. I heard Hutchinson’s men got people to get the mobs drunk.

SAM

Probably. We need to be closer to the people. To the poorest of the poor. Keep them closer to us

BETSY

Question is how.

SAM

I don’t know. But what I do know is someday England will be a tiny island, the American colonies will be the new power . [TO DO: get exact quote from letter]

B<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ETSY

Shhh – don’t put your name at the top of the King’s hanging list.

SAM

Why? We are loyal to our king, aren’t we? Our charters already give each colony’s assembly the right to make our own laws and tax ourselves through our elected representatives.

BETSY

But will the king support 13 little Parliaments in the New World – or just one in London?

SAM

Why not? We can all stay loyal to the king. Little Parliaments in the New World. All loyal to the king, just like the Parliament in England. But we must keep standing for liberty.

BETSY

But if no one stands with you? You brought together merchants, shopkeepers, craftsmen, laborers. Now they think you caused the riot.

SAM

Will you stand with me?

BETSY

Do you have to ask?!

SAM

Even if it’s just the two of us. If they take away our right to govern and tax ourselves through our elected representatives, that is the first step to giving Parliament a tyrant’s control over us.

###

Midpoint – Turning Point, last scene of Act II

Beginning

EXT. STREET NEAR DOCKS– DAY (Continuous time)

[Sam and Betsy walking past docks when James Otis rushes up with an envelope]

OTIS

I was just going to your house. Here – the captain had this letter for you from London. Look – it’s from the American colonies’ representative in Parliament.

SAM

Thank you, James. I’ll open it as soon as we get home.

OTIS

Now – Franklin must have something urgent.

[They open it. Find several letters enclosed inside. Skim them]

OTIS

They’re from Hutchinson!

SAM

Hutchinson asked Parliament to send the royal army. To Boston.

BETSY

I knew he’d do that.

OTIS

Secretly turning Parliament and King against us!

BETSY

Finally, people will know who he really is.

OTIS

No – these are confidential

BETSY

Won’t be after we get them to the Boston Gazette

OTIS

You can’t publish his letters – look – he says we destroyed his home, his history.

SAM

You don’t think people need to be warned that troops may be coming?

OTIS

You loosed mob leaders and their mad dogs on him. He’s afraid.

BETSY

People need to know he’s calling for troops against us.

OTIS

Against the people who looted and burned his home!

SAM

We have a colonial militia. Our soldiers beat the French out of their forts. Why didn’t he call out our militia to guard against the mobs? And against me, you, anyone fighting his grab for power? Stole your father’s chance to be appointed Chief Justice. Kept that position and also accepted his royal appointment as Lieutenant Governor and member of the King’s Council to advise our House of Representatives. What did you say about the separation of powers?

OTIS

He’s grabbed them all for himself – executive, legislative and judicial. Pure tyranny.

SAM

And now choosing the royal army’s authority over us. Just when we’ve shown Swift and Mackintosh who got their men drunk, stirred them up. To turn everyone against you and me and others struggling to keep our rights as British citizens.

OTIS

I told you – he acts so polite and perfect. He’s grabbing all the powers he needs to strip away our right to elect our leaders and govern ourselves

SAM

Good point. Agents of Parliament among us. They want to make anyone who advocates liberty look like rioters.

Middle

INT. BOSTON GAZETTE PRINTING MACHINES – DAY

Printing machine spewing forth copies of Hutchinson’s letters – despite printer’s fear he will be closed down by govt

EXT. BOSTON STREET – DAY

[Pages rapidly printing out of printers become papers that people in street are passing around to each other, creating anger, fear, shock. Lieutenant Governor Hutchinson is accosted by everyone from laborers to shopkeepers and wealthy merchants. Sam in the crowd is whispering to people who run up to Hutchinson, holding the copy of one of his letters in his face, shouting – as Hutchinson shocked, sputters, tries to defend but at a loss for words, humiliated. Trying to get away.

OTIS

[Rushing through the crowd, shouting, riling people up]

Taxation without representation is tyranny!

LABORER

“Traitor!

SHOPKEEPER

“You’re siccing the royal army on your own people?!”…

“Yeah – it’s our right to elect our own leaders to tax ourselves – or not!”

WEALTHY MERCHANT

“We demand our rights as British citizens and you call in the army?!”

“Secret deals to ruin busi<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ness – while you pretend to be supporting our right to be taxed by our own leaders?!”

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

[Tax Commissioner Robinson rushes in, chases Otis off. Hutchinson’s slave Andrew rushes him away, contemptuously pushing back the crowd. Judge Peter Oliver screeches at the people, driving them off. Tax Commissioner Robinson edges Otis into a tavern, signals some men who create their own chaos, pull out clubs aiming at Otis’ head just as he turns to try to punch them. Otis is down.]

Midpoint Ending:

INT. HUTVHINSON NEW COUNTRY HOME IN MILTON – DAY.

[Hutchinson’s daughter Peggy is giving him tea. Hutchinson slumped, head in hands]

HUTCHINSON

They’ve turned against me.

PEGGY

Hateful people. You loved them. Night after night you were writing their history. Writign a beautiful stories of the people of our colony…. Bringing the liberty of our Mother Country to the wilderness. You are a fine leader.

[Judge Peter Oliver comes in despite Andrew’s attempts to keep him out. He’s the last straw for Peggy and Hutchinson]

JUDGE PETER OLIVER

[TBD – more Oliver ranting against Sam and radicals from his book]

who feels alone, deserted, failure and worse, hypocritical spy against fellow colonists… he loved them, gave his life to writing their history, the beautiful story of the making of the colony and its connection to the Mother Country… now he hated – and he hates them. Judge Peter Oliver ranting against Sam and Otis.]

PEGGY

Judge Oliver. My father needs rest. I’m taking him to his room.

[Peggy guides her father out. Judge Oliver follows them, ranting]

###

End of Act II

</div>

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Act 2 TP – Midpoint (Assignment 15)

BEAT SHEET FOR THIS SCENE

Hutchinson has won the sympathy and respect of Boston’s merchants and shopkeepers. He reassures people he is doing everything to try to get the Stamp Tax rescinded and has isolated Sam Adams – no one speaks to him. Suddenly Sam receives a copy of Hutchinson’s letters to king and Parliament asking them to send troops after the destruction of his home and his fear of future violence.

SAME JOURNEY: Keep the colonists loyal, obeying Parliament’s laws/taxes, and united to the Mother Country to protect the only nation in world to give citizens right to vote for own leaders

DIFFERENT MEANING: Advocate to King and Parliament for colonists’ rights in order to keep colonies loyal and united to the Mother Country and to protect colonists from tyrannical nations plundering them

SU NOTES (REMINDERS TO KEEP IN MIND AS I COMPLETE THIS ASSIGNMENT)

Up until now, the protagonist thinks the story is about one thing. The audience is with them in their journey. By providing a stark change in context or meaning, you get to explore the journey in a new way.

MIDPOINT = A major twist. It changes the meaning of the journey, but we’re still the same physical journey.

The Midpoint has the same characteristics as the other turning points — major twist, no turning back — but it also has one unique thing that the others don’t. It changes the meaning of the journey! That takes the story to a new level and demands the character make another change in their life.

This isn’t about suddenly changing the story’s Genre or Protagonist – it’s about going deeper into the story.

The journey is still moving in the same direction, but the meaning has changed in a big way that shifts reality. It could be any of these:

· The forces of antagonism are 10 times bigger than we thought.

· Reality has changed (The Matrix). We’re through the looking glass.

· The whole first half of the movie was a con.

· They discover who has been betraying them.

· Everything they based their success on is wrong!

Whatever shift you choose, it completely disrupts the Hero’s reality.

Midpoints are always some of the most interesting scenes in a movie. Why? Because they are more than a Turning Point. They shift everything that happens from that point on.

Throughout the 2nd Act, your characters have implemented their first plan to resolve this story, which brings them to this very special moment where everything changes.

Just remember, same journey, different meaning.

OUTLINE OF MID-POINT SCENE

EXT. STREET NEAR DOCKS – DAY

Sam and Betsy walking past docks. Otis runs to them with letter from Franklin in England. They open letter and read that Franklin is enclosing copy of Hutchinson’s letter to Parliament/King requesting army to protect him and decent citizens. Otis shocked – secretly turning Parliament and King against us. Wife Betsy insists the world must know. Tell the world that H not friend, cannot trust him, just wants his money, titles and power to give others royal appointments. Otis switches begs Sam not to publish the letters – says But then says we destroyed his home, his history. You loosed the mad dogs on him. Sam but the people need to know he is asking for troops while pretending to be with us. Otis suddenly switches his position back again, rails against Hutchinson – he lied. Chose violence of authority over us. Sam agrees as if Otis suggested it – H is making everyone advocating freedom and liberty look like rioterspeople must know troops may be coming. Hutchinson as their secretive, hypocritical enemy.

· Theme exploring: When people advocating social order over freedom are not transparent and choose the violence of authority, they give power to the people advocating freedom and liberty above all else to make leaders look like unfairly treated victims

INT. BOSTON GAZETTE – DAY

Printing machine spewing forth copies of Hutchinson’s letters – despite printer’s fear he will be closed down by govt

EXT. BOSTON STREET – DAY

Papers being passed around to people in street. Hutchinson is accosted by people from all classes and becomes defensive. shamed and mortified. Otis, even more insane, rushes to him demanding the head of King George on a platter.

· Theme exploring: More on above (– When law/order people are not transparent and choose the violence of authority, they give power to the freedom/rights people to look like unfairly treated victims) – even turns some people who were more for law/order to swing over to freedom/rights as more important

INT. H NEW HOME – DAY.

Daughter trying to comfort Hutchinson who feels alone, deserted, failure and worse, hypocritical spy against fellow colonists… he loved them, gave his life to writing their history, the beautiful story of the making of the colony and its connection to the Mother Country… now he hated – and he hates them. Judge Peter Oliver ranting against Sam and Otis

· Theme exploring: The good side of law/order focus

FIRST DRAFT SCRIPT FOR MID-POINT SCENE

EXT. STREET NEAR DOCKS– DAY (Continuous time)

[Sam and Betsy walking past docks when James Otis rushes up with an envelope]

OTIS

I was just going to your house. Here – the captain had this letter for you from London. Look – it’s from the American colonies’ representative in Parliament.

SAM

Thank you, James. I’ll open it as soon as we get home.

OTIS

Now – Franklin must have something urgent.

[They open it. Find several letters enclosed inside. Skim them]

OTIS

They’re from Hutchinson!

SAM

Hutchinson asked Parliament to send the royal army. To Boston.

BETSY

I knew he’d do that.

OTIS

Secretly turning Parliament and King against us!

BETSY

Finally, people will know who he really is.

OTIS

No – these are confidential

BETSY

Won’t be after we get them to the Boston Gazette

OTIS

You can’t publish his letters – look – he says we destroyed his home, his history.

SAM

You don’t think people need to be warned that troops may be coming?

OTIS

You loosed mob leaders and their mad dogs on him. He’s afraid.

BETSY

People need to know he’s calling for troops against us.

OTIS

Against the people who looted and burned his home!

SAM

We have a colonial militia. Our soldiers beat the French out of their forts. Why didn’t he call out our militia to guard against the mobs? And against me, you, anyone fighting his grab for power? Stole your father’s chance to be appointed Chief Justice. Kept that position and also accepted his royal appointment as Lieutenant Governor and member of the King’s Council to advise our House of Representatives. What did you say about the separation of powers?

OTIS

He’s grabbed them all for himself – executive, legislative and judicial. Pure tyranny.

SAM

And now choosing the royal army’s authority over us. Just when we’ve shown Swift and Mackintosh who got their men drunk, stirred them up. To turn everyone against you and me and others struggling to keep our rights as British citizens.

OTIS

I told you – he acts so polite and perfect. He’s grabbing all the powers he needs to strip away our right to elect our leaders and govern ourselves

SAM

Good point. Agents of Parliament among us. They want to make anyone who advocates liberty look like rioters.

INT. BOSTON GAZETTE PRINTING MACHINES – DAY

Printing machine spewing forth copies of Hutchinson’s letters – despite printer’s fear he will be closed down by govt

EXT. BOSTON STREET – DAY

[Pages rapidly printing out of printers become papers that people in street are passing around to each other, creating anger, fear, shock. Lieutenant Governor Hutchinson is accosted by everyone from laborers to shopkeepers and wealthy merchants. Sam in the crowd is whispering to people who run up to Hutchinson, holding the copy of one of his letters in his face, shouting – as Hutchinson shocked, sputters, tries to defend but at a loss for words, humiliated. Trying to get away.

OTIS

[Rushing through the crowd, shouting, riling people up]

Taxation without representation is tyranny!

LABORER

“Traitor!

SHOPKEEPER

“You’re siccing the royal army on your own people?!”…

“Yeah – it’s our right to elect our own leaders to tax ourselves – or not!”

WEALTHY MERCHANT

“We demand our rights as British citizens and you call in the army?!”

“Secret deals to ruin business – while you pretend to be supporting our right to be taxed by our own leaders?!”

[Tax Commissioner Robinson rushes in, chases Otis off. Hutchinson’s slave Andrew rushes him away, contemptuously pushing back the crowd. Judge Peter Oliver screeches at the people, driving them off. Tax Commissioner Robinson edges Otis into a tavern, signals some men who create their own chaos, pull out clubs aiming at Otis’ head just as he turns to try to punch them. Otis is down.]

INT. H NEW HOME – DAY.

[Hutchinson’s daughter Peggy is giving him tea. Hutchinson slumped, head in hands]

HUTCHINSON

They’ve turned against me.

PEGGY

Hateful people. You loved them. Night after night you were writing their history. Writign a beautiful stories of the people of our colony…. Bringing the liberty of our Mother Country to the wilderness. You are a fine leader.

[Judge Peter Oliver comes in despite Andrew’s attempts to keep him out. He’s the last straw for Peggy and Hutchinson]

JUDGE PETER OLIVER

[TBD – more Oliver ranting against Sam and radicals from his book]

who feels alone, deserted, failure and worse, hypocritical spy against fellow colonists… he loved them, gave his life to writing their history, the beautiful story of the making of the colony and its connection to the Mother Country… now he hated – and he hates them. Judge Peter Oliver ranting against Sam and Otis.]

PEGGY

Judge Oliver. My father needs rest. I’m taking him to his room.

[Peggy guides her father out. Judge Oliver follows them, ranting]

###

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: when I copy/paste my Word doc into this system, some key parts are left out for some unknown reason

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Act II Middle Scenes (Assignment 14)

What I learned from this Assignment:

Ways to take a breath and stop fighting the process so I can use the model to learn this way to “git ‘er done” fast – specially when:

· I’ve copied the info needed for each step in the assignment so I remember details of this model but everything seems out of order or mixed up or overwhelming or over intellectualized… Breathe.

· I’m putting the elements of the assignment in sequence along with SU notes about the steps so I stay aligned with Hal’s guidelines. Breathe.

· These daily challenges feel overwhelming and exhausting – specially in addition to ongoing life challenges. So I force myself through the steps of this next section of the SU “git ‘er done” model

· I despair of my messy pieces of thoughts, disorganization of files even with the clear SU outline and fear that after putting this and other plays on hold while I was main financial and parenting support for my children, now, when finally working part time to free up playwriting time, I may have dementia. Breathe.

· I can’t bear the thought of writing what I outlined, I can copy/paste the outline and almost mechanically turn it into dialog and directions… and revise/make it better later. At least I’ll have a draft to work with rather than nothing but thoughts and wishes.

· I need to find a minute-by-minute strategy for balancing:

o meticulous rigid left brain focus on following SU “rules” without letting myself whine or rebel

with

o creatively sensual right brain ease as I let the story in my mind flow into the elements/steps of the SU model

Breathe!

SU Strategy Reminders

Key Scene 2: Protagonist takes on a plan and executes it.

SU NOTES: The Act 1 TP occurred, locking the Hero into this journey and sending them into unknown territory. They had an instant reaction being put in that uncomfortable position. But they have a plan — that represents their Old Ways.

Remember, all it takes to challenge the Old Ways is to simply have them fail. You don’t need to have the characters lecture them or directly spell out their Old Ways in dialogue. Just have them rely on their normal solutions and see what happens in the next scene.

Key Scene 3: Not only does their plan fail, but…

Those Old Ways are challenged from lightly to heavily — and they no don’t work…The Protagonist’s plan, once executed, comes short of success. Not only that, but it also sets up or supports the Midpoint where everything changes.

With the failure of this first plan, the flaws in the Old Ways show up. The plan failed, often leaving this character in a helpless position, but it isn’t over. It is about to get worse in the Midpoint scene. For now, just dramatize the downfall of the plan in a fun way. Remember, all it takes to challenge the Old Ways is to simply have them not work. You don’t need to have the characters lecture them or directly spell out their Old Ways in dialogue. For now, just create a list of attempts to solve the problem or to make themselves feel better… then have those actions fail or make things worse.

BEAT SHEET for Act II Key Middle Scenes 2 and 3

The Plan (Key Scene II.2) – Hutchinson is shocked by an anti-tax demonstration but insists to raging Judge Oliver and Tax Commissioner why he will allow it (despite the effigy being his cousin and then burning stamps.)

o TE2 H becomes aware that they look rebellious but maybe have real concerns not just out to destroy society

o Theme Exploring – How people who want freedom/rights can protest without violence

o Old Ways – explain and enforce law

· The Next Plan (Key Scene II.3) Hutchinson hears that radical leaders are using the demonstration to unite the colonies against the tax – tax commissioner wants all involved arrested. Hutchinson will write Lord XX [Find his name] that even if tax is lawful, important to listen to people – maybe just stay with tariffs on imports.

o New Ways – starting to consider listening/negotiating not just enforcing laws

o TE2, continued – H realizes they maybe have real concerns not just out to destroy society

Outline of Key Scene 2: The Plan (+ Additional/Placeholder Scenes – Protag takes on a plan and executes it)

1765

Beginning: The royal tax commissioner has hauled out Hutchinson with his slave Andrew to see a demonstration in a Boston park. Hutch is startled. Sam, Otis, others welcome him, explain the event/effigies of King Luis, Satan and new Boston Tax collector. Judge Peter Oliver insists Hutch arrest them – they have an effigy hanging on a wooden wagon commandeered by mob leaders but surrounded by merchants, shopkeepers, laborers, freed slaves, Otis’ Native American son, that is his brother Andrew, the newly appointed tax master for Massachusetts Bay Colony.

EXT. TREE OF LIBERTY IN BOSTON GREEN- NIGHT

Demonstration against Stamp Act – H sees Sam and other radicals keeping it calm. Judge Peter Oliver takes him aside, insists he call the sheriff, arrest the leaders. H refuses to arrest fellow citizens. Must demand that Parl rescind the tax.

Middle: Sam Adams, watching from shadowed sidelines, greets Hutch and others. James Otis and the two gang leaders explain the display. Hutchinson, against anger from Judge Oliver and Tax Commissioner Robinson. The demonstrators call for elected reps to make their taxes and they all set fire to paper they call the stamp tax paper…and Hutch, politely, explains why they already are taxed by their reps… and if they want to argue, at least pay taxes while they argue so they won’t give enemies an opportunity to make another war on Great Britain.

Theme Exploring – The fear felt by people who focus only on law/order with others protest, even peacefully, for their freedom/rights

End:

As people start shouting back, getting angry, Sam, charming, agrees to everyone’s shock and consternation, says all are patriotic, gets the demonstrators to take the effigies up to a hill and burn them. Hutch watches the bonfire.

Additional Scene/Placeholder:

EXT. HILL ABOVE BOSTON – CONTINUOUS TIME

Bonfire. Joyful, wild celebrating. Hutch sees Sam leading people to carry effigies to hill top. Watches from afar with spyglass. Commissioner terrified by mob. H tries to explain them – had to survive on their own. Came from poorhouses and jails of Eng….

Additional Scene/Placeholder

EXT. PORCH OF GREEN DRAGON TAVERN. TWO WEEKS LATER/AFTERNOON

Sam mobilizes merchants, workers, ministers, gang members, farmers etc. into Committee of Correspondence. Insert part of his real letter praising the bravery and patriotism of the people

Joyful celebration – Otis ecstatic – the real spirit of the people…

—

First Draft Script for Key Scene II.2 Protagonist takes on a plan and executes it.

EXT. TREE OF LIBERTY IN BOSTON GREEN- NIGHT

Following Judge Peter Oliver who rushes in pointing in rage to view the protest, Hutchinson is shocked. Tax Commissioner Robinson stays, frightened, at the back. Townspeople – merchants, shopkeepers, laborers, dockworkers, even ministers and some policemen in uniform but part of the crowd – stand around a large wagon with a glowing lantern inside a sheet painted with dancing devils – and hanging from a pole on the wagon, an effigy of a man labeled “Tax Master” and a large boot labeled “Lord Bute.”

JUDGE PETER OLIVER

Arrest them!

HUTCHINSON

For…?

JAMES OTIS

[Leaps out from crowd]

We’ll be hanging the Lords of Parliament as soon as-

SAM ADAMS

[Pulling Otis away to back]

Jemmy, keep it peaceful.

JOHN HANCOCK

[Apologetically]

But Judge Oliver, they reassured me that our Constitution gives every British citizen –

JAMES OTIS

[Breaking free and in Oliver’s face]

Anywhere! Damn right! Every citizen of Great Britain has the right to vote for our own leaders to make laws for us, tax us. Our forefathers never gave up that right by moving to the New World!

JOHN HANCOCK

They showed me the King’s charter to the first settlers of our colony. Too far to elect people for Parliament so the king gave them the right –

JAME OTIS

[Interrupting]

Right to elect our own leaders. As long as we are loyal to our monarch. By standing against the illegal Stamp Tax, we are showing our loyalty to our king and the Constitution of our nation Great Britain!

[Crowd cheers]

We got one of those boxes of Stamp Tax papers – make us prove we paid your illegal tax by stamping every purchase? People of this colony – what are we going to do with Parliament’s illegal tax on us? Hold up your stamp papers! You don’t have one? Hold up any paper you got.

[Grabs a torch, lights it from a lantern, and starts lighting stamp papers, people light each others’ paper until the circle around the wagon becomes a circle of fires]

JUDGE OLIVER

Where’s Sheriff Greenleaf?!

OTIS

[Now in Hutchinson’s face]

See? The people trust me. They know I resigned from the royal position rather than let our officers break into people’s homes.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Smugglers’ homes. And you’re inebriated.

JUDGE OLIVER
[to Robinson] That’s just what he’s like.

[to Hutchinson] Lieutenant Gov – we don’t want the Commissioner reporting back that we;’re unruly savages – do something! Get the police – disburse this crowd. Arrest him arrested and I’ll jail him

[Angry roar from crowd]

HUTCHINSON

If we arrest him, this whole crowd will become enraged –

[Eying Sam Adams who is guiding Otis away again.]

– and another rabble rouser will pop up then –

SAM ADAMS

[Handing Otis over to Hancock]

Gentlemen, come see this magnificent creation the people have created – their peaceful protest against your illegal tax

[Two men rush forward, each trying to be the first to explain proudly]

HENRY SWIFT

[Dockworker pointing proudly to the boot]

I hanged Lord Bute here for telling Parliament to stick us with the Stamp Act? And –

EBENEEZER MACKINTOSH

King Louis. We sent his French troops and their Indians back into Canada. Even Satan here couldn’t help him invade our British colonies!

HENRY SWIFT

And – and we’re hanging the Tax Master – Ain’t he your cousin, Lieutenant Governor?

JAMES OTIS

See?! Anyone stealing our rights will be hanged for – Mr. Hancock, leave me be – for depriving our right as British citizens to govern and tax ourselves! Anyone! House of Lords, House of Commoners. Even royal appointees born right here in Boston!

[Crowd getting agitate]

JUDGE OLIVER

Police! We’re outnumbered? Go fast – get the Sheriff and reinforcements!

[The policemen who had been part of the crowd run off blowing their whistles to alert the Sheriff. Crowd becomes angrier]

SAM ADAMS

[To Crowd]

How can we show the good Judge Oliver and all of Lieutenant Governor’s other family and friends that we are peaceful citizens exercising our lawful right to express our concerns?

MACKINTOSH

[Jumping up to effigies on wagon]

Yeah – me and my South End boys’ll show how we’re gonna hang anyone takes away our rights!

HANCOCK

Mr. Adams, this is –

SWIFT

You’re full of it, Mackintosh – me and my North Enders’ll send their tax men back to London or down to Hell!

SAM ADAMS

[To Crowd}

A law abiding people. But we’re free to protest Parliament’s illegal tax on us. Who are we?

[Many in crowd shout “Sons of Liberty!”]

Do the Sons of Liberty have the courage and strength to cart our wagon up to the top of that hill and sacrifice our effigies for trying to take away our rights as British citizens? Mr. Mackintosh – Mr. Swift – can you and your men start the procession?

[The procession begins, taking the wagon off]

JUDGE OLIVER

[TBD – Fuming as in his book against Otis and Adams]

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Harvard graduates. Good families – why?!

JUDGE OLIVER

Jealousy. Sons of men who helped us win the war last year against the French.

HUTCHINSON
The king gave me the appointment Colonel Otis wanted – James accused me of buying his father’s position. And Samuel Adams? His father wanted us to allow farmers to set up a Land Bank -use land as currentcy. Ridiculous. Both of them loyal sons, each blaming me for the idiocy of their fathers.

JUDGE OLIVER

Look!

[They see on a hill a bonfire and silhouette shadows of people dancing around it]

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Primitive savages. Why do the men of commerce join with them?

JUDGE OLIVER

Scared.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Understandable. Most from the poorhouses and prisons of the Mother Country. People back home thought the colonies were just rich farmers and shippers. I’ll tell ‘em.

HUTCHINSON

To survive in the wilderness. Often under attack by the tribes And recently by the French and the Indians. Even the wealthiest had to be tough. Parliament must rescind this Stamp Tax.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Not you, too?!

—

Additional Scene/Placeholder

EXT. PORCH OF GREEN DRAGON TAVERN. TWO WEEKS LATER/AFTERNOON

Sam mobilizes merchants, workers, ministers, gang members, farmers etc. into Committee of Correspondence to end news of the peaceful protest, pride in the people… send throughout Massachusetts and the other colonies.

[TBD Insert part of Sam’s words from his actual letter praising the bravery and patriotism of the people]

Joyful celebration – Otis ecstatic – the real spirit of the people…

—

Outline of Key Scene 3: Not Only Does the Plan Fail, but…

Old ways don’t work

Beginning:

EXT. OUTSIDE HUTCHINSON’S HOME IN BOSTON – NIGHT

Rioters loot, burn and almost kill Gov Hutchinson. H is trying to stop them by appealing to ethics and not leaving his porch… Sam is working the crowd desperately trying to break up the riot. Both fail.

Adams and wife Betsy running with Otis to Hutch mansion.., crowd shouting.. Otis says someoe got them drunk… was too good… Betsy is getting women to rush to bring their men home… Hutch with Andrew… Calling on merchants against the tax to see what illegal actions – Hutch plea – violence, throwing, fire starts, daughter and Andrew try to get Hutch away… Otis getting wilder from joiing to condemning… John Hancock terrified – stop them… house on fire. Looting, papers… Daughter and Andrew pull Hutch away…

Theme exploring – How people demanding freedom/rights without balancing with law/order can cause violence

Middle: (Next Plan)

INT. COUNCIL CHAMBERS – DAY

Apologies from many – Hancock, etc. Otis, half mad, runs in, weeping pledging loyalty and damning Sam

Theme exploring – Sometimes demands for freedom/right may sound high level but actually be based on personal greed/anger… or maybe the law/order people distort the reasons for wanting freedom/rights

Hutch decides to use the goodwill, be friend not competitor, equal not better. Judge Peter Oliver is ranting against the people. H stops Commissioner from calling troops. Decides to build consensus by discussing concerns about taxes – but as soon as Commissioner walks out secretly writes letter requesting royal army protection. Maybe because: Otis’s Tory wife apologizing for her husband, his jealous because H’s father got appointed to the job O’s father wanted. Maybe they become close,

Theme exploring – Growing awareness of a law/order person of the need to listen to needs/concerns of the people demanding freedom/order (Note – interesting to find the theme all over the place – all I changed to highlight it here is the phrase in italics)

Plan in Action

Ending:

EXT. OUTSIDE GREEN DRAGON TAVERN

Merchants, friends, avoiding Sam. Used the mobs… romanticized poor and ignorant and violent.

Inauguration party for Hutch. Outside. People going to party scoff Sam. Sam, alone except for leaders of the two mobs, says someday England will be a tiny island, the American colonies will be the new power. [TO DO: get exact quote from letter] When accused of being against King, he says he hopes under king who supports an American Parliament..

Theme exploring – Sometimes demands for freedom/right may sound high level but actually be based on personal greed/anger… or maybe the law/order people distort the reasons for wanting freedom/rights

First Draft Script for Key Scene 3: Not Only Does the Plan Fail, but…

Old ways don’t work

EXT. OUTSIDE HUTCHINSON’S HOME IN BOSTON – NIGHT

Large angry group is gathering with torches yelling at Hutchinson who is on his porch alone. His slave Andrew and his daughter Peggy come out.

HUTCHINSON

Andrew – take Peggy inside – no – take her to Judge Oliver’s home – anywhere safe.

[Peggy refuses to go with Andrew – he can’t physically touch her to force her. So stand to guard her.

Otis and Sam Adams rush in at the back of the crowd. Sam’s wife Betsy joins him]

OTIS

Too late! Hancock told me someone got the South and North Enders drunk… but so many have joined them!

SAM

Betsy – this isn’t safe.

BETSY

They’re going to ruin all the respect and unity you built

[Sam starts going from one person to another, saying “We’re loyal civilized people – are we going to let ourselves act like criminals? Help us stop this!” – Betsy does same, working the crowd but going to the few women in the crowd – “Get your man to go home” . Otis takes his cue and goes to others… Hancock joins them too… but no one listens to them or laughs at them, yells at them to join The People, or worse, snap back at the men (not at Betsy – just polite ignoring of her). They burrow into the crowd.

Throughout, Hutchinson is addressing the crowd. TBD – Get his actual words from letters and splice into these 3 sections:]

HUTCHINSON

I understand your concerns – we have always had the right to elect representatives who can pass laws and tax us.

[Yells – cannot tax us – only our elected reps can… Otis joins in with his phrase from earlier – Taxation without representation is tyranny – but Sam shuts him up, gestures to keep the crowd peaceful.]

Hutchinson, Continues

The king can appoint administrators and judges because we can wait two months for the royal papers to arrive… I’ve heard you – we all know the king gave us charters allowing us to set up our own elected assemblies of elected representatives.

[Some cheers from crowd mixed with shouts like “Then stop the Stamp tax!”

Hutchinson, Continues

Each colony has rights… But Parliament did not give up the right to pass laws that are necessary for all colonies…

[Crowd starts jeering, throwing things.]

PEGGY HUTCHINSON

Father – come – you have to leave!

HUTCHINSON
Andrew! I told you to take her to safety.

PEGGY

I’m not leaving without you!

ANDREW

Come with me, Miss Hutchinson. You can get someone to call the sheriff. I promise, I’ll come back to help him.

PEGGY

It will be too late. Father

[Rioters rush up to the porch. Andrew Hutchinson away. Peggy follows. The three watch in horror from a safe distance and the crowd loots, bringing their elegant thing out and giving to people to take away… boxes of papers are just dumped….torches start fire. The house starts to burn – Hutchinson forces himself from his slave Andrew to try to collect his papers from the ground.

[Hutchinson is desperately trying to collect papers from ground as rioters step on them, push Hutchinson out of their way as they run in and out of the housewith his possessions]

Hutchinson

My history – our history

[Andrew rushes in, fights off attacks, grabs and drags Hutchinson, still clutching papers, to safety.

Middle: (Next Plan)

INT. HUTCHINSON’S OFFICE – DAY

[Hutchinson has been awake all night, in same clothes, trying to sort his papers. Standing near him is Judge Oliver. And sitting near by, the Tax Commissioner Robinson. Quietly, merchants including Hancock and shopkeepers, come in to put their hands on his shoulders, whisper apologies – Hancock, others

[Otis runs in, weeping, gives Hutchinson an unwanted bear hug, Tax Commissioner pulls him off]

OTIS

My deep apologies! Damn them. Damn Sam Adams. Believe me, Thomas – Mr. Hutchinson. I will fight them to the death. I was so wrong. –

JUDGE OLIVER

[starts his rant again – TBD get from book]

HUTCHINSON

Thank you, Mr. Otis. That took courage and decency.

OTIS

How could I be so misled. I was so wrong. You were right – our nation is the only nation in the world where Lords and Commoners can elect their own representatives in Parliament. We can’t destroy that beautiful order – with our monarch serving all the people, defending us –

[Gestures for Oliver Andrew to get Otis out – which he does, firmly, with contempt. Practically throws him out, closes the door – cutting off the line of people waiting to apologize.]

JUDGE OLIVER

[Rant against the people continues – get the actual words]

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

You know you are in danger here. All the people of your colony are in danger. You don’t have enough police. Your militia cant be trusted – they may be part of the mob.

HUTCHINSON

You saw how people apologized – they are still lined up.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Apologies only because your home was destroyed. They care about property at least. But they wont stop fighting you

HUTCHINSON

My family and I can move to our country home in Milton. We will be all right. But my writings – the history of each person who built our colony from nothing . I was bringing them to life again – each burning page was their second death

JUDGE OLIVER

[Ranting against people again]

HUTCHINSON

Judge Oliver. Think. The ugly violence last night – so many people coming to apologize.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Those radicals – they will stir them up again. You need to call for troops from England.

HUTCHINSON

That will only inflame them again… But if we build on this foundation – their goodwill right now. Show them we are fellow citizens. They’ve seen me as their competitor for royal appointments. As if because I may be wealthier, I think I’m better. The radicals are making them fantasize about equality… I can show I am listening to them, respect their concerns about taxes. Build consensus. I can write Lord XXXX – explain the reasoning for repealing the Stamp Act. Just focus on tariffs on imports.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Then they win.

HUTCHINSON

Not about winning. We must rebuild trust – this is our opportunity. To reconnect with people of influence, men of commerce. Please – open the door.

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Sounds ridiculous. That mob last night could have killed you. And your daughter.

HUTCHINSON

Let the next one in. I will stay here, accepting their shared grief.

[Robinson lets in the next one and leaves himself. Otis’s Tory wife come in. As he leaves:]

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Whatever you do, ask the king for protection.

RUTH OTIS

Does he mean the royal army? [Hutchinson nods] You need troops. My husband – the people – he has started an anger in them. He will not stop. None of them will

[She touches him carefully]

I am so very sorry. I wonder. Should you and I just take our children home to the Mother Country?

[Hutchinson looks at her for a moment, wishing]

HUTCHINSON

I must save the unity of – our nation. The Mother Country needs us. Our colony – all the others. We need Great Britain. The only nation in the world to allow the people to elect their reps in Parl – if we look divided, the kings of Spain, France, Russia – even the Ottomans

JUDGE OLIVER

Mrs. Otis, how could you ever marry that Satanic madman? The Cunninghams – you come from one of our best families.

RUTH

Peter – what could I do? His father and my father, both Colonels in our long war against the French. And before he became political – James was an excellent lawyer.

[To Hutchinson]

And I saw how happy you and your Margaret were. Oh, dear, there are many waiting to give you their commiserations and support. I shouldn’t take up your time.

[She starts to leave. Looks back]

If I can help in any way…

Ending – Plan in Action

EXT. OUTSIDE GREEN DRAGON TAVERN

[Sam is walking with his wife Betsy near the tavern. Former friends pass, nod. Hurry away. Some ignore him. Merchants, shop keepers. friends, avoiding Sam. Some mutter negative comments, some look at him and laugh. Most ignore Sam’s nod of greeting.]

[REWRITE NOTE – Revise this so as they talk, they are feeling their love for each other and lighten the political talk]

“So glad His Majesty appointed Thomas Hutchinson to be our new Governor – first American-born governor!”

“His inauguration today starts a new government. Orderly. Peaceful. Hutchinson will try to get the Stamp Act repealed – but going through the process, not using the mobs!”

“If you want to show your support, I’m sure they’ll let you into the inauguration party – seriously. We’ll all be better off if we stand together against the violent extremists.”

BETSY

They think you caused the riots. So unfair. You were standing up for liberty

SAM ADAMS

We must keep standing for liberty

BETSY

Who’s “we?” No one even wants to say hello to you now. I heard Hutchinson’s men got people to get the mobs drunk.

SAM

Probably. We need to be closer to the people. To the poorest of the poor. Keep them closer to us

BETSY

Question is how.

SAM

I don’t know. But what I do know is someday England will be a tiny island, the American colonies will be the new power . [TO DO: get exact quote from letter]

BETSY

Shhh – don’t put your name at the top of the King’s hanging list.

SAM

Why? We are loyal to our king, aren’t we? Our charters already give each colony’s assembly the right to make our own laws and tax ourselves through our elected representatives.

BETSY

But will the king support 13 little Parliaments in the New World – or just one in London?

SAM

Why not? We can all stay loyal to the king. Little Parliaments in the New World. All loyal to the king, just like the Parliament in England. But we must keep standing for liberty.

BETSY

But if no one stands with you? You brought together merchants, shopkeepers, craftsmen, laborers. Now they think you caused the riot.

SAM

Will you stand with me?

BETSY

Do you have to ask?!

SAM

Even if it’s just the two of us. If they take away our right to govern and tax ourselves through our elected representatives, that is the first step to giving Parliament a tyrant’s control over us.

###

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Act 2 Reaction to Turning Point at end of Act 1

What I learned from this assignment:That I can lose confidence, even hate the play or just feel too sleepy to tackle another Act right away. But because I already have the Beat Sheet. Even if I change my earlier description of a beat, I can give myself a push and just outline that simple Beginning, Middle End of a scenes. And then instead of curling up under the covers on the couch to watch a Hallmark tv love story. Or nap. Or clean the kitchen a second time… I can decide to take that outline and just block out a rough draft of the script. So what if it’s lousy, sloppy, full of holes… it’s an effing first step into the next scene and I can keep going! Thanks Hal and SU!!

Assignment 13:

Beat Sheet for Reaction to Turning Point 1

INT. HUTCHINSON’S ELEGANT BOSTON HOME– DAY

H with adult children – he plans how to protect them physically and financially if people blame him. Theme exploring – The fear felt by people trying to assert order but attacked by people wanting more freedom/rights

Reaction Scene Outline

Beginning: Hutchinson madly working at desk, surrounded by piles of books, paper, files. Daughter Peggy tries to keep Judge Peter Oliver out, but he pushes in, foaming against James Otis and Sam Adams manipulating decent people, etc. (from book with his actual words) Demands what he’s going to do. Tax Commissioner can ruin rep with King and Lords of Parliament.

Middle: Peter tells him what to do if he doesn’t know what to do. Arrest them all. Hutch no – that will just stir them up worse. Must reason with them. Explain the laws. Peter says that didn’t work – they don’t even listen to you any more.

Ending: Hutch counters with dangers of tyrants around the world – monarchies, hate our system of allowing nobles and commoners to vote on issues that impact their lives… then we will keep writing Parl… show them why taxing the colonies is legal and their right, but – trust our nation – we have most liberty of any nation in world. Must trust them. Challenges Peter – doesn’t trust leaders to

Script

INT. STUDY IN HUTCHINSON’S ELEGANT BOSTON HOME– DAY

(Scene/Structure: Reaction to Turning Point 1)

[Hutchinson madly working at desk, surrounded by piles of books, paper, files. He writes, crosses out, starts to throw paper away, files it carefully in wastebasket. Knocking on door with a cane]

PEGGY HUTCHINSON

I told you, Judge Oliver. My father is writing his history.

[Hutchinson’s daughter Peggy tries to hold back Judge Peter Oliver who is pushing through the door, shouting]

JUDGE PETER OLIVER

[Yelling]

History is being made right now!! (INSERT PO’s rant against Sam and Otis as sons of Satan)

PEGGY

Please! My father is already upset. He needs to write.

HUTCHINSON

How can I write?! First my sons telling me that I should do whatever the tax Commisioner wants so I do’t lose my position – or a chance to be Governor. Now my cousin ranting

Middle

JUDGE OLIVER

Not ranting! Trying to force you to face the truth. Otis and Adams are not just ensnaring the people of Boston – they’ve got silversmith jumping on his horse to take copies of all correspondence about the tax into our Western counties And others ride to the borders so people on all our borders – Connecticut, New York, New Hampshire, the Vermont Terriroty and Rhode Island Then runners tke the letters spople are mobilizing against this Stamp tax all over the colonies. Runners pick up the correspondence I nto the other countries frm there! What are you going to do to put out this prairie fire before this two servants of Satan start a prairie fire in Boston and Mass?

HUTCH

before you barged in –I – I was looking for my copies of letters fro Lord Dartmouth (name?] proving Parlliament never gave up their right t tax the colonies.

JUDGE

If you don’t know what to do, I do. The first sign of anyone refusing to pay the tax, we arrest them. Fill the jails – and if the jails overvflow, we arrest and lock them in cell

HUtCH

No, no! That’s just the kind of tyrannical action that will feed them!

JUDGE

So you do nothing?

HUTCH

I’ll keep reasoning with them. Explain the laws. They’re our fellow citizens – we can’t arrest them because they are sure they are protesting an unfair law. Even if the law says Parl an ta them, doensn’t mean it’s fair t tax them.

JUDGE

That really worked – last week you didn’t even finish your speech. Had people sneering and jeering. Walking off. Some of them who found a bench fell asleep.

Ending

HUTCH

Believe me – we can trust our government to realize they rescind the tax. They should stick to tariffs on imports if anything

JUDGE

What did the empire get for their troubles when they were just imposing tariffs? Supposedly decent men of wealth refusing to pay the tax, smuggling heir stuff – then that Otis radical calling us tyrants because we send Customs aentpppgents to take back the contrabnand fast as a fox,they

HUTCH

Sloppy thinking, Judge – the first arrest will turn every Brtish citzens in our colony into a tax evader = and proud of it.

JUDGE

So what are you going to do?

HUTCH

Not arrest them

JUDGE

That’s n ot an answer

[Stomps out]

PEGGY

He’s proably going to get Gov Bernard to arrest anyone not buying the tax stamp.

HUTCH

Gov Bernard just wants to get recalled to London. He won’t do anything that might make the Kng tell him to stay her

PEGGY

Or worse – that tax commissioner threatened t write a bad report about you to the king. If you lose your appointment – everyone in the family may lose shipping contracts – future placements… Billy and Tommy – and what about cousin Andrew – if the king turns on you, wont he cancel the appointment of cousin Andrew as tax master?

HUTCH

I’ll write Lord Dartmouth again. I trust our nation to do the right thing… even after they do the worst first. We live in the only nation with liberty in a world of tyrants around the world – monarchies. Parliament will realize the Stam tax may be legal but its not a good strategy. King Charles of Spain, King Louis of France – and xxxxx. If they see we can’t control our own citizens, make them pay taxes – they will all band together to take bites out f us –

PEGGY

But we beat back the French. All the colonies of New England stayed British

HUTCH

They can all move into Indian country.- the French ccan come down from the North, the Spaniards up from Florida… Don’t worry, I’ll write Lord Dartmouth again . And some other. keep writing Parl… show them why taxing the colonies is legal and their right, They will see reason.

###

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Finished Act I (Assignment 12)

American Tory by T. Anntares

I.1 EXT. BOSTON DOCKS 1764 – DAY

[Ship has arrived from London to busy, chaotic docks, as wealthy travelers disembark down one exit ramp, the poor of England and parts of Europe disembarking down a second exit ramp, crowds on dock greeting, hawking wares, just watching. A sheriff (Greenleaf) forces people to part the way for an elegant American man, 50s, in light blue satin (Acting Governor Thomas Hutchinson) and his hunched over companion in black (Judge Peter Oliver).

Hutchinson’s African slave (Andrew), well dressed as a European servant, pushing an empty cart, helps the sheriff clear the way. In the hub-bub, they pass a gold plaited carriage near a wooden wagon with working men hanging effigies, two trading punches near the wagon.

Near the carriage an even more elegantly dressed man (John Hancock) in red satin with lace cuffs and neck collar tries to stop them but all three ignore him… when the working men on the wagon jump down to the street to salute the man in blue, Sheriff Greenleaf pushes them aside – but Hutchinson, stops for a second, to nod acknowledgement to them.

At exit ramp, Sheriff Greenleaf calls out the name “Commissioner Robinson?” and a flamboyant Londoner waves to identify himself, gesturing for his servants to push through the crowds to connect with the group.

GOV. THOMAS HUTCHINSON

Commissioner Robinson?… So sorry about this. Untimely.

COMMISSIONER JOHN ROBINSON

Governor Hutchinson?

HUTCHINSON

And my cousin, Judge Peter Oliver. Just leave your bags here. Andrew will handle them.

[Andrew starts to take the bags from the Commissioner’s white servants, confused and envious, hesitate giving them. Hutchinson snaps his fingers for them to put the bags on cart, They obey]

COMMISSIONER

Disgusting – oh, excuse me: Not just Boston – London has worse rabble. But I thought – envisioned a quiet little shipping town carved into woodlands

JUDGE PETER OLIVER

The crew probably raced to get here in time for Pope’s Day. What we call Guy Fawkes Day here.

COMMISSIONER

Thank God, then you’re not always – ah – like this.

[Hancock, the elegantly dressed man in red and lace pushes close up.]

JOHN HANCOCK

Welcome to Boston, Commissioner. I’m John Hancock.

[to Hutchinson]

I brought my carriage for him. Keep him safe from all this.

COMMISSIONER

How kind! Where…?

HUTCHINSON

No, ours is right over here. Come, Mr. Robinson – we need to settle you in then go over what these new taxes will cover.

[Abruptly guides Commissioner away from Hancock. Judge Oliver hurries to catch up, Andrew and servants follow with suitcases. Hancock stands rebuffed.

JUDGE OLIVER

He’s just a country parson’s son. His uncle had no heirs.

COMMISSIONER

Better than most of them – thrown out of our poorhouses and jails. I hope my quarters will be far from the crowds.

[Behind them, as they hurry off, a man (Sam Adams) puts his arm around Hancock and guides him back towards his carriage]

HUTCHINSON

No worries. A private residence next to the best inn. My daughter has personally supervised the servants to make sure the apartment is fully equipped and prepared for you.

COMMISSIONER

. Your savages are probably more civilized than the excrements we sent off to the New World. Just –

HUTCHINSON

When you get to know them…

COMMISSIONER

I won’t be staying long in this God-forsaken place, thank heavens

HUTCHINSON

Ah… many came here with nothing, no one helping them – and they…

COMMISSIONER

Terribly sorry, Mr. Hutchinson. I forgot you – I should have remembered from your accent. You’re one of them, too. They told me your grandmother fought off the Indians-

HUTCHINSON

Come – our carriage is right over there. We’ll leave your luggage and go over Parliament’s tax plan.

COMMISSIONER

Well, I hope you’ll be able to control them better than our former governors. His Majesty told Parliament the colonials might be a bit more manageable if their Governor was one of them. King George is depending on you.

HUTCHINSON

Believe me, the docks are the worst. At lunch, I’ll tell you about the very fine people I’m writing about in my history of our colony.

COMMISSIONER

You actually filled more than ten pages? Ah, which governor did they tar and feather before they shipped him back home?

I.2 EXT. WOODEN CART ON DOCKS – CONTINUOUS TIME

[Sam Adams, the man we saw earlier in the distance, has guided Hancock back to his golden carriage – but near it, workmen are hanging effigies. A large muscular man, Ebeneezer Mackintosh, leader of Boston’s South End mob, mocks him]

MAC

Aw, poor Mr. Hancock. Richest man in the colony of Massachusetts Bay – and the nobs still won’t give you the time of day!

[A smaller, wirey man jumps off cart to hit Mac – he is Henry Swift, leader of Boston’s North End mob]

SWIFT

Stop riding him, Mac.

HANCOCK

Thank you, Henry Swift.

MAC

Watch out, Mr. Hancock – When Swift kisses up, he’s ready to swindle you out of something.

SWIFT

No problem, Mr. Hancock, Sir. By sundown, me and my North Enders’ll meet on the bridge and dump his wagon and all his stinking boys into the Bay. We should throw that tax collector from the ship with them tonight. Mr. Adams – you found out what the King’s taxes will be for?

SAM ADAMS

Parliament’s taxes. We’ll let you know as soon as we know.

MAC

Swift don’t got no money to tax. But me and my men – soon as our King hears how tough we are – you’ll be looking at me, leader of his royal guard in the colonies. And I’ll be mopping up dock scum like you!

SWIFT

Lords of Parliament already told me to protect that fellow that just come off the boat.

MAC

Hell with the damn Lords. We’re in a world of kings. Every nation’s got one. When King George hears how me, Ebeneezer Mackintosh and my South-

SWIFT

Our king – you’re nothing. The king’ll hang you before he ever asks your name.

SAM ADAMS

Do you care what the king actually thinks of you? Don’t you realize each of you is just as fine as any king or aristocrat on earth?

[Swift and Mac laugh, ridicule the idea by prancing around like foppish rulers. Hancock is edging away.]

SAM ADAMS

Every one of you is as fine as any nobleman or king.

[More laughter]

Are you gentlemen blind?! Mr. Swift – Mr. Mackintosh – don’t you see the gold right in front of your eyes?

MAC

Where?!

SWIFT

You jerk. He’s pulling your leg again.

SAM

No, I’m being very serious. John Hancock, would you ever claim you’re better than other people just because of your uncle’s fortune, would you?

HANCOCK

Of course not!

SAM

Or blind you to the troubles regular people?

HANCOCK

No!

SAM

You hear that? Mr. Hancock is proud to be one of us.

HANCOCK

A year ago, I was regular people. I never expected –

SAM

You said it yourselves. Every nation’s got a king. But what about the people, not just the rulers of nations. Have we got a king looking out for us? A king to stop people like Governor Hutchinson filching all the royal appointments for himself and his family – treating a fine citizen like dirt. Didn’t we all see how he treated Mr. Hancock today?

HANCOCK

He never would have treated my uncle like that..

SAM

The people respect you. We see who you really are, don’t we?

MAC

Who… what?

SAM

John Hancock comes from a country town. He knows how hard farmers work the fields, moving rocks, clearing land, caring for the food that feeds all of us in Boston, doesn’t he?

SWIFT

What’re you –

SAM

[To Swift, with a wink]

Did you see how Hutchinson and his fancy tax collector showed no respect for our own Mr. Hancock.

MAC

“Our own”?!

SAM

Yes! Mr. Hancock has received the gift of riches but he has not forgotten us. A true leader of the people of the earth! We live in a world ruled by kings – but can’t the people have their own…? Can’t we honor a very wealthy man who knows he is one of us? The people’s own leader…

SWIFT

Or King?

MAC

King!

[Grabs a bottle of rum]

Come on, Swift – get your men to give a toast to King Hancock!

[All men on wagon hold up cups, empty bottles as MAC pours a round and all burst out with cheers, of “King Hancock!” Swift toasts to Sam with an admiring smile.]

I.6 INT. HUTCHINSON’S PARLOR- CONTINUOUS TIME

(Structure: Reaction to Inciting Incident)

[Hutch alone with his daughter Peggy after the storm has subsided. She is leafing through a large notebook on a desk. Andrew is on duty.

HUTCHINSON

Peggy, you heard him. He wants to ruin me. And he can. Andrew – you can take the rest of night for yourself. Thank you for your support today.

ANDREW

Thank you, Sir. You’ve always said British citizens in America are much more rational and compassionate. He proved it.

HUTCHINSON

We’ve had to survive. No matter how wealthy. No one to help us. Andrew – whatever happens. Please be my eyes and ears.

ANDREW

Of course, Sir.

[Andrew leaves]

PEGGY HUTCHINSON

Wait til the news gets out and the people learn what Parliament will be taxing. Throughout the colonies. Stupid House of Lords. Should’ve asked their Ladies.

HUTCHINSON

Damned House of Lords. Even if the tax is perfectly legal – how can I defend such an outrageous, stupid use of Parliamentary power?

PEGGY

Then don’t. You, Otis and Adams would make odd bedfellows. But… You don’t have to defend the tax. Not just our colony but all thirteen will be up in arms as soon as they hear the details. You can just sit it out. So what if the king takes back your appointment as governor. We can farm.

HUTCHINSON

I wish. Life is treacherous. We came from nothing. I’ve laid a foundation of wealth and influence for the family. Not so I could get royal appointments to higher and higher positions. To make sure your brothers start life well. And you and your sister marry well. As she was dying, your dear, lovely mother was so sorry she could not help me launch each of you well. We could lose everything.

PEGGY

You’ll handle it well.

HUTCHINSON

What makes you so sure?

PEGGY

Your grandmother. My great grandma. Didn’t like stodgy Puritans so she upped and started a new religion in next door Rhode Island… Then survived a bunch of angry Mohawks. You’ll survive a bunch of angry colonists.

HUTCHINSON

Easier than a bunch of angry Lords of Parliament. Poor King George. He has to deal with them every day.

PEGGY

You need some rest. Actually I’m worn out from this day!

[He gives her a good night hug]

HUTCHINSON

You and your brothers and sister – you are so precious to me.

PEGGY

And we love you.

[She goes. Hutchinson collapses on a chair, head in hands.]

###

I.7 EXT. GREEN DRAGON TAVERN – DAY

(Structure: Turning Point Script – Beginning)

[Sam Adams on porch with two mob leaders, Henry Swift (a dockworker) and Ebeneezer MacKintosh (a cobbler) and two well-dressed shipping merchants, John Hancock and John Rowe. Very opposite looks – and each very skeptical, wary about each other. Clearly resisting something none of them like.]

SAM ADAMS

Have you heard the details? If so, you know this Stamp Act will tax everything and everyone – newspapers, weddings, funerals [ADD OTHERS] – [to mob leaders] your playing cards.

[Grumbles from all]

All of us will suffer the costs. No matter who we are. If we’re going to suffer together, do you think it makes sense to join together. Work together to do something? Don’t worry -of course, something legal.

[Resistance from all -merchants are sure the mob leaders will take criminal actions, the mob leaders want to]]

We all want to stop this tax… Can we just try a simple handshake?

[Reluctantly, begrudgingly all shake hands with each other… although the merchants secretly wipe their hands clean on their pants after.

James Otis – the lawyer who interrupted Hutchinson’s meeting with the royal Commissioner earlier – rushes up the steps to join them on the porch. His wife, Ruth, an elegant and beautiful woman in her 40s, yells at him from a black carriage in the street]

RUTH CUNNINGHAM OTIS

James! James!! Come back!

JAMES OTIS

Ruth, I told you – just a short meeting –

RUTH

You’ve caused enough trouble!

OTIS

Apologies for being late. My lovely wife, heard about yesterday. Poor dear is worried for me. Thanks for coming. I can’t do this alone – Sam, did you brief them?

SAM

Let’s go inside the tavern are waiting for us. We just had to get some fresh air –

OTIS

Come on! We’re going to stop that damned tax!

[some scoff – he ignores them and guides them into the tavern]

Trust me! We’re going to forge together our power as British citizens – you’re going to the founding members of the Sons of Liberty!

I.8 EXT. ROYAL GVERNMENT OFFICE BALCONY – DAY

(Structure: Turning Point – Middle)

[Point of View of Royal Commissioner Robinson, watching from the doorway behind Hutchinson]

HUTCHINSON

In closing – this is not just about paying the tax. Of course the King gave us the right to elect our own representatives and govern ourselves. It wouldn’t be practical to wait two months for a ship to come with laws. Wait – just one minute more!

[A shout – “We got our own assembly for Massachusetts!”… “Yeah! All our colonies elect people – and all the damned buggers tax us.” Hutchinson looks toward Commissioner who gestures to keep going]

Yes! Of course our elected representatives tax. But Parliament has every right to tax us to help repay the debts from the war against the French.

[Shouts – “We did the fighting…. Yeah, with our own guns and ammo…London didn’t give us a penny!]

Parliament never gave up their right to tax us. They protect us every day. And the world is getting more and more dangerous.

[Shouts – “We just won the bloody war against the French Empire…”]

Tyrants run every other nation in the world. Parliament – This Stamp tax will fund stronger protection against –

[Shouts – “We fought off Indians without No help from Parliament!..” Approval… Grumbles… then silence as Hutchinson watches people just walk away. Hutchinson comes towards door.]

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

Well, Lieutenant Governor, you tried.

HUTCHINSON

They just left. I explained to them the law.

ROBINSON

You wasted your time. We’ll see how you do we start stamping tax payment. Please don’t take this personally. But it is my duty to report. In addition to your Boston mansion, you also have a farm, don’t you? Somewhere in Milton? [] I’m sure you can survive there. If we have to take back your appointments.

HUTCHINSON

Excuse me. I have to get back to my office.

ROBINSON

[Following him into the building]

But if you find a way to get these people under control. Make them respect the law… If I propose you to become the first American-born Governor of this colony, I know His Majesty will approve the appointment!

INT. HUTCHINSON’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS TIME

(Structure: Turning Point – Ending)

[Hutchison, opens door to his office, doesn’t notice Ruth Otis as she arrives. He yells back to Robinson.]

HUTCHINSON

I’ll be fine! I love my country place. And I don’t need to be anyone’s puppet. Dangle that position to someone willing grovel!

ROBINSON

Rude, uncivilized provincials. Lord help me!

[Robinson passes him, leaving in a huff, ignoring Ruth]

RUTH

You can’t!

HUTCHINSON

Mrs. Otis! So sorry about your husband yesterday.

RUTH

Me too!

[She escorts him into his office, checks in hall for Robinson – not there – and close the door behind them]

HUTCHINSON

I made sure your husband was not arrested.

RUTH

You should have…. Arrested him.

HUTCHINSON

I understood he was upset about

RUTH

You should have…. Arrested him.

HUTCHINSON

– “arrested” him??

RUTH

I was going to come to apologize to you for my husband’s rudeness yesterday. I heard he barged into your meeting with the tax commissioner. But then I saw him plotting with people at the Green Dragon today. So I wanted to warn you, too. And on the way, I heard your fine talk on the balcony.

[Hutchinson gestures for her to sit. As she speaks, he pours two sherries. Takes another chair.]

RUTH

Then to hear you telling the Commissioner you’d rather quit. Mr. And if the Commissioner can get you appointed as Governor, we will be even safer. I realize he’s an arrogant idiot, but we need you in government Hutchinson. We need you to protect us.

HUTCHINSON

When I talked about the tyrannical governments surrounding us, I just –

RUTH

Spain, France, the Ottoman empires – they’re not the danger… We need you here – to protect us. My husband… he… it’s unspeakable

HUTCHINSON

Your husband – protect you from James?

RUTH

Not just him. All of them – they’re all joining up. The lower sorts, the ship owners, storekeepers. A nightmare alliance. Against Parliament. You must stop them.

HUTCHINSON

Parliament’s stupid tax. I was afraid this tax would stir everyone up. Parliament has the right to tax. They just let the colonies have their own local assemblies as an indulgence. And practical.

RUTH

It doesn’t matter who can tax us. If they turn against Parliament our King can’t protect us. Our children – just starting off in life. Your sons and mine… starting careers. Our daughters – ready for good right marriages… – I just see Jemmy revelling with the worst of the worst. I hope you don’t think I’m just an angry wife. I just needed to warn you.

HUTCHINSON

Not at all. It takes courage to come here. Warn me.

RUTH

That crowd. They didn’t listen to you. Jeered at you when you simple asked people to stay loyal to the most free nation in the world. They only listen to my husband

HUTCHINSON

I’ve already written several people I know in the House of Lords. They think they can just tax the colonies to repay the crippling debts from the wars in India and Canada. They don’t understand.

RUTH

You must stay. And when Governor Bernard goes back home, become our Governor. I understand why you’d like to just leave Boston, go off to the comfort of your beloved country home. I watched you from afar. You’ve raised six beautiful children. Time to relax. After Margaret died, I wanted to help you with the children. But each time you were promoted to a position, my husband would start ranting.

HUTCHINSON

I only wanted the royal assignments to make sure my sons would have a good start to their lives. And my daughters find good husbands.

RUTH

I couldn’t say anything, but I knew you were always doing what’s best for your children and their futures – but my husband? What kind of father quits a royal appointment as the colony’s attorney general and depriving his family of his salary. His arrogance. Forgets his family, gives up everything to defend the rights of smugglers! to bar customs officials from searching for their homes and businesses for looted treasure!

HUTCHINSON

Your husband’s words are his sword. “A man’s home is his castle” – and yesterday – “Taxation without representation is tyranny.”

RUTH

That’s why you must save us from him. And I know that’s a lot to ask. You will be alone. I’ve seen it start. My husband and that Sam Adams, They are courting the people of Boston. Against you. But you can steer the ship to safety even if you have to do it alone.

HUTCHINSON

Your confidence in me. I know I’m not alone.

RUTH

Both of us are alone. You are alone, widowed. I am alone, married.

[She puts her hand on his arm. Hutchison is nervous.]

I, ah… – our colony needs your protection.

[Hutchinson relaxes, takes her hand.]

### End Act I, Draft 1

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Inciting Incident (and the Reaction Scene )

What I learned from Assignment 10:

· I probably should have chosen a light comedy I don’t care about rather than this story that I really want to write. And maybe taken the course when I’m on a month-long vacation if I could ever do that. Why? Because the time pressure and my commitment to myself to keep up with the assignments no matter what else is happening in my life has activated my manic side. I forget meals. I let the To Dos of life go, ignore dishes and bills.

· I know SU says cool it, get rid of perfection. I know what I’m doing is far from perfect and will need lots of rewrites. Maybe the SU rewrite course. But even doing it as fast as possible takes thinking time and the mental coordination to keep focused on three challenges simultaneously: 1) Remember what each of the SU dramaturgy guidelines mean, 2) while trying to summarize main beats, scenes and their high level beginning-middle-end, then 3) fleshing out new or implied interactions and dialogue while staying at least lightly connected to the SU guidelines and the storyline that is developing in the beats/scene summaries… boignnnnnee.

· Yikes. But I am so deeply grateful for this plunge into templates, scaffolding, mentoring, whatever you call the elements in the assignments. Thank you. I’ve made it through the first 10 assignments, had the reinforcement of seeing them pasted into SU’s anti-visual non-formatted window. And I’ll try to remember to breathe, eat, and walk while I keep going through the next how many more assignments – 20 more???

– Big copy/paste problem with this. Tedious and time consuming. Will explain to Support.

Act I.3. Inciting Incident –

Beat Summary

James Otis, meets with Sam Adams and his wife, becomes so upset about Parliament’s new tax that he bursts into Lt. Gov Hutchinson’s meeting with the royal tax commission — shocked, the tax commissioner demands that Hutchinson prove he can control radicals and mobs, and keep colonists loyal to England – the most free nation in the world. Or King George will strip Hutchinson of all royal appointments and salaries.

OUTLINE of Inciting Incident

Beginning: James Otis shows Sam the documents that make any tax on colonists by Parliament illegal. Insists they do something. Sam thinks as soon as people learn in Town Meeting what will be taxed, everyone will refuse to pay – and most are too indebted from the war with the French to buy most of the stuff being taxed.

Middle: Hutchinson is discussing with Commissioner Robinson and Judge Peter Oliver logistics for implementing the tax – including royal salaries, positions etc. Hutch daughter is hostess because her mother died.

End: Otis blasts into the meeting, angrily shouting that the tax is illegal. The Commissioner is terrified, then angry that Hutchinson does not have him arrested immediately. Sam runs in and takes Otis off. Judge Oliver accuses him of, just petty jealous. Commissioner thinks Hutch is too weak on his fellow colonists- will ask king and Parl to revoke his approval to be Gov. Hutch, defensive, insists he understands the law and will enforce it.

DRAFT 1 SCRIPT for Inciting Incident.

INT, SIMPLE KITCHEN OF SAM AND BETSY ADAMS – DAY

[James Otis Jr comes to kitchen table with Sam and Betsy Adams. Otis Two, James’ adopted Native American son from a Cape Cod tribe (called by the townspeople “Otis Two” because he dresses like Otis so two lawyers) lays out papers from a briefcase on the table. As James names them Otis Two takes documents out, slaps the on table as he explains them. James is drinking from a flask.

JAMES OTIS JR

Magna Carta?

OTIS TWO

When the King gave nobles the right to vote for representatives to make laws for themselves in their House of Lords…

OTIS

British Constitutional decisions after Cromwell

OTIS TWO

The King gave Commoners their own House and right to elect representatives to make laws that would impact their lives

OTIS

Charter from the King for Massachusetts Bay

OTIS TWO

Retaining for colonists their right to elect representatives to make laws and levy taxes for themselves.

[Otis hugs OTIS TWO]

OTIS

You see how well my son knows the law?

SAM ADAMS

Now I know why townspeople call you “Otis Two”!

OTIS TWO

I have the best teacher.

SAM

After Harvard, I tried to study law. Too many laws to remember and cite. My mother wanted me to be a minister. Too many verses to remember and cite. I thought running my father’s brewery would be simpler… too many debts and credits to calculate nightly.

[Betsy gives him a loving hug]

BETSY

Because he spends all his time helping the people.

OTIS

This new tax from Parliament – it will destroy people if we don’t take strong action. For the next Town Meeting, we need a strategy – make it illegal to pay the tax.

BETSY

When people hear what Parliament is going to tax, everyone will refuse to pay. Newspapers, weddings, funerals -even playing cards. That’s like taxing their free time.

SAM

When people hear what’s in the Stamp Tax, everyone will refuse to pay it.

OTIS

But not illegally. People must show we are obeying the law – by disobeying the tax!

SAM

Parliament should be re-imbursing Massachusetts Bay for all the money we spent forcing the French to stay back in Quebec.

BETSY

Right! Hundreds of colonists volunteered for the royal army but their women had to make their own uniforms. They even had to use their own weapons. Pay for the ammunition. And now they tax us! No one will pay for a tax stamp!

OTIS

Right now, Hutchinson is meeting with that Tax Commissioner. I saw them go into Hutchinson’s home!

[Jumps up and runs for the door and out]

SAM

Jemmy…?? Where’s he going?!

OTIS TWO

You know my father. I love him. He didn’t have to adopt me, teach me the law. But life is never calm.

BETSY

Um… he’s been refilling his flask.

SAM

Come on – let’s make sure he’s not headed for Hutchinson’s home.

INT. HUTCHINSON’S ELEGANT PARLOR -DAY

[Hutchinson Commissioner Robinson and Judge Peter Oliver are gathered around a large piece of parchment on a table, Hutchinson is writing names and creating an organization chart. Hutchinson’s daughter Sally watches from a chair away from the table. Hutchinson’s slave Andrew, even more formally dressed as servant, occasionally offers tea – but Hutchinson’s daughter Sally jumps up to offer, hand out savories.]

HUTCHINSON

My cousin Andrew Oliver would make the perfect Stamp Master. Very good at financial calculations. And we’ll need people to set up the stamps in every enterprise, keep the stamp paper supplied, and maybe Peter, you have people to watch for shopkeepers who don’t collect the tax, or worse, after they stamp it collected… Agh! The inkwell is dry again.

[Andrew quickly takes it to refill. Judge Oliver gets a map of Boston out of a briefcase]

JUDGE OLIVER

We’ll need to build an office for the Stamp Act compilations. Secure.

[The Commissioner notices Andrew carefully refilling the ink]

COMMISSIONER ROBINSON

You’ve got a fine African there, Mr. Hutchinson. Had him long?

HUTCHINSON

Since he was a child. He’s like family.

COMMISSIONER

You know I want to get back to London as soon as we have this Stamp Tax set up. If you’d like to treat him, I could take him for a while. Send him back. If he wants to come back.

HUTCHINSON

I’d be lost without him,

COMMISSIONER

If he wanted to stay in London, I’d buy you out of course.

ANDREW

Thank you, Commissioner. But I would be lost without Mr. Hutchinson. As he said, we are like family.

COMMISSIONER

You don’t know what you’re missing. We’ll talk later. What we need to do right now is finish setting up the procedures.

[The doorbell rings… knocking… Andrew starts to go out of the room to get the door. But James Otis bursts in, flask in hand, toasting them]

God help us!

JAMES OTIS JR.

I’ll second that! God help us from you, Sir. Servant of an illegal Parliament – you’re so, “so” that you must know, taxation without representation is tyranny. The people of Massachusetts Bay have our own House of elected Representatives – and they did not vote for this abominable tax!

COMMISSIONER

Mr. Hutchinson. That sheriff? Tell you slave to run for the sheriff! Arrest this maniac!

[Andrew looks to Hutchinson for orders. Hutchinson discretely signals no]

HUTCHINSON

For yelling at me? Mr. Otis, you’ve been drinking again. Please go home and we can discuss this in my office tomorrow.

OTIS

[in Hutchinson’s face]

Yes, Mr. Hutchinson, take orders from this poppycock slave of the Lords of Parliament. You stole the position the King had promised to my father. Then gave it to his cousin of yours here when you somehow finagled the royal appointment as our new governor. Are you laying the foundation for your next title? Prince of the Massachusetts Bay colony?!

[The doorbell rings again. Frantic knocking. Andrew runs to the door.]

COMMISSIONER

Is his how you rule your colony, Mr. Hutchinson? Tell a madman to go sleep it off?

[Sam and Otis Two rush in, grab Otis and try to rush him out, apologizing to Hutchinson and his daughter as they go. Commissioner Robinson tries to block them, can’t – they all run into street]

EXT. OUTSIDE HUTCHINSON’S MANSION IN BOSTON – SUNSET

COMMISSIONER

He’s staying here until that “Andrew” gets the sheriff. Barging in, threatening royal officials!

HUTCHINSON

Commissioner Robinson, excuse me, but James Otis in jail and the whole province will rise up.

[Sam and Otis Two get Otis out the door and leave. Judge Oliver follows them railing at them, his words getting softer and softer, while the Commissioner talks over him.]

JUDGE OLIVER

Go on – carrying on about liberty – you’re just jealous of my cousin. He and his father won fair and square – your father Mr. Otis was a puffed up military man. Not what we need in a judge. And they killed off the stupid idea you and your father tried to force on the colony, Mr. Adams, letting farmers set up a land bank – as if land could be traded like silver and gold!

COMMISSIONER

Fine! Do nothing! I’m glad I saw this. The first ship to return to England will carry my report to his Majesty. The King must rescind your royal appointment as Governor. And all your relatives you’ve got feeding off the tit of Parliament’s money.

HUTCHINSON

Excuse me, Sir. I was recommending the best men from the best families. If you want to give the positions to others you –

COMMISSION

Anyone who can enforce the tax. That’s all I care about. We’re in debt from saving your colonies from the French and Indians – their Indians. We pass a simple tax so every British citizen can help us repay the war debt – but you – Incapable of carrying out the laws of our king and Parliament – or is it a lack of loyalty?

HUTCHINSON

Mr. Robinson. You asked earlier about the royal governor who was thrown out of this colony. I’d be glad to get on the next ship back home and leave you in charge here. Since you seem to know what to do. But you’d last about two days. Or two hours. And how dare you challenge my ability to govern this colony? Or my loyalty. The colonies have a representative in Parliament – a Mr. Benjamin Franklin at this time. They have representation. I will make sure no one listens to these better men – the people of Massachusetts will understand that Parliament has the right to make laws regarding any provinces and colonies throughout the nation. They will pay their taxes like honest citizens. And don’t you ever question my authority or my loyalty again… or our King and both Houses of Parliament will my report about you!

End of Inciting Incident Scenes ###

Act I Reaction Scene after Inciting Incident

BEAT SUMMARY– Hutchinson realizes the tax will cause resistance but vows to do everything necessary to keep what he has built for his family, his own life and his children’s futures.

OUTLINE of Reaction Scene:

<i style=”font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;”>Beginning: Alone with his daughter after everyone has left, she tries to comfort him with their family history of strength. Tells Andrew to take off the rest of the night.

<i style=”font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;”>Middle: Hutch praises the colonists. Damns Parl for passing such an unjust tax. Will stir up resistance.

<i style=”font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;”>End: Hutchinson loves his family most – must protect their relationship with Lords of Parl and the Crown, get positions for sons, good marriages for daughters. Vows to defend Parl, Calls for Andrew to be his eyes and ears.

DRAFT 1 SCRIPT Reaction Scene

<i style=”font-style: italic;”>INT. HUTCHINSON’S PARLOR- NIGHT

[Hutch alone with his daughter after the storm has subsided. She is leafing through a large notebook on a desk. Andrew is on duty.

HUTCHINSON

Sally, you heard him. He wants to ruin me. And he can. Andrew – you can take the rest of night for yourself. Thank you for your support today.

ANDREW

Thank you, Sir. You’ve always said British citizens in America are much more rational and compassionate. He proved it.

HUTCHINSON

We’ve had to survive. No matter how wealthy. No one to help us. Andrew – whatever happens. Please be my eyes and ears.

ANDREW

Of course, Sir.

[Andrew leaves]

SALLY HUTCHINSON

Wait til the news gets out and the people learn what Parliament will be taxing. Throughout the colonies. Stupid House of Lords. Should’ve asked their Ladies.

HUTCHINSON

Damned House of Lords. Even if the tax is perfectly legal – how can I defend such an outrageous, stupid use of Parliamentary power?

SALLY

Then don’t. You, Otis and Adams would make odd bedfellows. But… You don’t have to defend the tax. Not just our colony but all thirteen will be up in arms as soon as they hear the details. You can just sit it out. So what if the king takes back your appointment as governor. We can farm.

HUTCHINSON

I wish. Life is treacherous. We came from nothing. I’ve laid a foundation of wealth and influence for the family. Not so I could get royal appointments to higher and higher positions. To make sure your brothers start life well. And you and your sister marry well. As she was dying, your dear, lovely mother was so sorry she could not help me launch each of you well. We could lose everything.

SALLY

You’ll handle it well.

HUTCHINSON

What makes you so sure?

SALLY

Your grandmother. My great grandma. Didn’t like stodgy Puritans so she upped and started a new religion in next door Rhode Island… Then survived a bunch of angry Mohawks. You’ll survive a bunch of angry colonists.

HUTCHINSON

Easier than a bunch of angry Lords of Parliament. Poor King George. He has to deal with them every day.

SALLY

You need some rest. Actually I’m worn out from this day!

[He gives her a good night hug]

HUTCHINSON

You and your brothers and sister – you are so precious to me.

SALLY

And we love you.

[She goes. Hutchinson collapses on a chair, head in hands.]

###

NOTE – SALLY’S NAME WILL BE CHANGED TO PEGGY

[Tita Beal Anntares]

TIta’s Inciting Incident and Reaction

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-weight: bold;”>What I learned from doing assignment 10:

-When I copy my entire assignment and paste it here, some paragraphs do not get copies so I have to cut and paste little sections. (I don’t know if this happened every time I posted)

<b style=”font-weight: bold;”>- I probably should have chosen a light comedy I don’t care about rather than this story that I really want to write. And maybe taken the course when I’m on a month-long vacation if I could ever do that. Why? Because the time pressure and my commitment to myself to keep up with the assignments no matter what else is happening in my life has activated my manic side. I forget meals. I let the To Dos of life go, ignore dishes and bills.

· I know SU says cool it, get rid of perfection. I know what I’m doing is far from perfect and will need lots of rewrites. Maybe the SU rewrite course. But even doing it as fast as possible takes thinking time and the mental coordination to keep focused on three challenges simultaneously: 1) Remember what each of the SU dramaturgy guidelines mean, 2) while trying to summarize main beats, scenes and their high level beginning-middle-end, then 3) fleshing out new or implied interactions and dialogue while staying at least lightly connected to the SU guidelines and the storyline that is developing in the beats/scene summaries… boignnnnnee.

· Yikes. But I am so deeply grateful for this plunge into templates, scaffolding, mentoring, whatever you call the elements in the assignments. Thank you. I’ve made it through the first 10 assignments, had the reinforcement of seeing them pasted into SU’s anti-visual non-formatted window. And I’ll try to remember to breathe, eat, and walk while I keep going through the next how many more assignments – 20 more???

Act I.3. Inciting Incident Assignment

(I have to put the notes, beat summary and beginning/middle/end outline in front of me so I can remember them as I speed write script… so I am including all that here – SU notes, my Beat notes, and first draft script)

SU NOTES:

The call to go on the journey. Creates the opportunity to live outside the box and take on the New Ways.

The Inciting Incident propels us on the journey. It is a “call to adventure” for the protagonist. It is the moment they decide they must take some kind of action. This moment sets up the Transformational Journey. It also creates the opportunity to live outside the box and take on the New Ways.

But remember that it needs to be done in a dramatic way. This isn’t a character sitting on the couch who just decides to take a new risk in life. Something changes in their life that forces them into this decision. Make it strong, and emotional. If possible, connect it to the character’s weakness or fear. It may even be initiated by the Antagonist. Make sure it is a dramatic that sends the character into their journey. (See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfy4and2vPg – inciting incident in Legally Blonde)

NOTE – Every time I copy and paste my assignment here, chunks of it do not show up. I’ve tried pasting section by section, getting rid of bold in my draft, etc. Nothing works. Random chunks do not appear in the cut and paste. So I and submitting it to Support folks with a request to post it for me.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Act 1 Opening Scene (and Intro to Antagonist)

What I learned from this assignment:

· This structure is so helpful. I could feel my “old ways” of resisting the challenge of starting a new play but I could overcome that by going through the Assignment instructions and points, outline them and match them up with my beat sheet description of the opening and other Act 1 scenes.

· When I was outlining the scenes and one felt too crowded, another was too light, it was easy to move a chunk out of one to another while staying aligned with the general storyline/theme and development of the characters/conflict.

· Feels like the visions of this play that have meandered through my mind for years are suddenly being inseminated and are growing so fast – boosted by the Hal Croasmun dramaturgy.

· Such a joy to know, if I can keep prioritizing these assignments no matter what else in my life wants my time, I will have a draft of a play* that, even if lousy in its first draft, after revisions may capture something important about our roots of democracy that is also too relevant today.

· Rather than hearing/seeing a scene in my mind and getting committed to it too early, I set the scene up by looking for/creating an action that could trigger a revelation of character

· And very difficult. I had to copy the dramaturgical notes about each scene as well as the scene’s beat sheet, outline and then write the script under the outline. Feels rigid but I am learning on these “trainer wheels” and the structural elements/guidelines/ instructions are triggering the more artistic flow. Growtowski or Peter Brook said something like: “Creativity is the intersection between discipline and spontaneity.”

(* I’ll be translating the filmscript back to stage play so I can put it on for friends in an empty warehouse or whatever if I can’t find producers)

SU Instructions for Assignment 9 Opening Scene/Main Character Intros

Your opening scenes and character introductions become the reader’s first experience of your story and characters. While we want it to be exciting, much of that will happen in future drafts – so make sure you focus on getting the big picture ideas onto the page, rather than aiming for perfection in details!

For Act 1, these are the Key Scenes:

Act I. Set up and see the Old Ways (25-30 pps)

Key Scene 1: Exciting opening scene intros a main character, the conflict and/or world.

Below is a list of components you can brainstorm for the opening scene and character intros. You don’t have to get all of them, but this gives you a chance to make these scenes more interesting. After you outline the Key Scenes for each day, you’ll write them.

1. Opening Scene

The purpose is to lure us into the journey with a strong opening! Here are a few key components to consider as you build your opening scene.

Introduce us to a lead characters in action. Show us the world as the character experiences it.Show us their Old Ways as their natural way of being. Make sure there is some kind of conflict present.End the scene with a twist.

2. Character Introduction for the Protagonist

Introducing your Protagonist helps us know who we are going on the journey with and gives us a taste of what this movie will be like. For character introductions: Introduce us to the lead characters in action. Show us the Old Ways as their natural way of being. Here are a few key components to consider as you present this character:

Introduce their “regular life” that is filled with the “Old Ways.”Challenge them in some way that requires a response.Put them in action. Have them say interesting lines.Conclude the Character Introduction with an insight into who they are.

Key Scene 2: Inciting Incident propels the protagonist onto the journey!

Key Scene 3: The protagonist reacts emotionally to the Inciting Incident.

Key Scene 4: Turning Point – Lock in the journey.

Background:

Theme in a cyberbyte:

Focusing rigidly only on law and order or only freedom and rights, we cannot listen to each other and end up achieving nothing but chaos and violence.

Main Characters – Assignments 2-4:

Protagonist – Thomas Hutchinson; Antagonist – Sam Adams (a unique switch because in most American histories, tv-film-stage scripts, he’s the hero or sidekick to a hero)

I built Sam into most of the Beat Sheet but will tweak and add a little more – without describing details of each scene and how he interacts

To Get Started:

Go to your Beat Sheet and find the opening scene and a second lead character introduction. Create a simple outline those scenes for those two scenes.

Step 1. Copy the scene from your beat sheet.Step 2. Outline the scene.

· Definition of Outline: A general sketch, indicating the main features of the screenplay, book, or project.

· For this program, we’re using an overview outline that will be very short and cover big picture decisions only.

· This is a simple process where you are going to take your scene from your beat sheet and add a beginning, middle, and end in order to make it a very light outline.

Step 3. Write a minimum level first draft.

OPENING SCENE WITH INTRO OF PROTAGONIST

SU NOTES:

The OpeningL

· Introduces us to lead characters in action.

· Shows Old ways as their natural way of being, e.g., Order is priority, despite promised to include all citizens in decisions that affect their lives, most wealthy and influential people hold the power and make the decisions.

· Set us up for the journey that starts with the Inciting Incident. Maybe preview a sign of potential transformation

Introducing your Protagonist helps us know who we are going on the journey with and gives us a taste of what this movie will be like. For character introductions: Introduce us to the lead characters in action. Show us the Old Ways as their natural way of being. Here are a few key components to consider as you present this character:

· Introduce their “regular life” that is filled with the “Old Ways.”

· Challenge them in some way that requires a response.

· Put them in action.

· Have them say interesting lines.

· Conclude the Character Introduction with an insight into who they are.

From BEAT SHEET:

EXT. BOSTON DOCKS 1764 – MORNING

Newly inaugurated Governor Hutchinson greets the pompous, foppish royal tax Commissioner Robinson from London as he disembarks then suddenly must protect him from two Boston mob leaders fighting over holiday. Judge Peter Oliver, also greeting Commish, rants against colonials as, except for a few civilized elite, are the worst of the worst from the jails and poorhouses of England and European serfs. Hutchinson reassure the terrified visitor that he has it under control but tells Sheriff Greenleaf to get them out of the way [Sam Adams, referred to only by Oliver]-antag- is in background hanging out with leaders of the South and North End mobs and other workers.]Theme Intro: When people of all classes find out the visitor is the new royal tax commissioner, they react in two opposite ways – some approving the Commissioner coming to the colony to enforce laws so everyone does their fair part in helping the nation repay the war debt; others – OTIS – angrily saying their own Boston Town meeting and colonial assembly can tax them – they have a right to be taxed only by their elected reps not pompous poppycocks from the Mother Country. SAM guides him away.

OUTLINE – OPENING SCENE

Beginning: Sheriff Greenleaf guides Gov Hutchinson and Judge Peter Oliver through the crowds – and even mob leaders fighting (but take a second to bow, then go back to fighting) – on the dock greeting a ship from London to greet the new elegantly foppish Tax Commissioner Robinson.

Middle: Commissioner rants against such an uncivilized horde from worst jails and poorhouses of Great Britain., Judge Oliver rants about Hancock, country preacher’s son, and mobs, tries weakly to defend them to but Judge Oliver rants. Hutchinson caves and tells sheriff to get the mob leaders out of the way

End: Hancock tries to help, rebuffed by Hutch, panned by Oliver who rants about Hancock, rich only because his uncle had no heirs – just empty headed country preacher’s son and prances around in a gold carriage. Sam Adams guides Hancock away, reassuring him he’s the best…

DRAFT 1 SCRIPT – Act I

I.1 FIRST DRAFT SCRIPT – OPENING

EXT. BOSTON DOCKS 1764 – DAY

[Ship has arrived from London to busy, chaotic docks, as wealthy travelers disembark down one exit ramp, the poor of England and parts of Europe disembarking down a second exit ramp, crowds on dock greeting, hawking wares, just watching. A sheriff (Greenleaf) forces people to part the way for an elegant American man, 50s, in light blue satin (Acting Governor Thomas Hutchinson) and his hunched over companion in black (Judge Peter Oliver).

Hutchinson’s African slave (Andrew), well dressed as a European servant, pushing an empty cart, helps the sheriff clear the way. In the hub-bub, they pass a gold plaited carriage near a wooden wagon with working men hanging effigies, two trading punches near the wagon.

Near the carriage an even more elegantly dressed man (John Hancock) in red satin with lace cuffs and neck collar tries to stop them but all three ignore him… when the working men on the wagon jump down to the street to salute the man in blue, Sheriff Greenleaf pushes them aside – but Hutchinson, stops for a second, to nod acknowledgement to them.

At exit ramp, Sheriff Greenleaf calls out the name “Commissioner Robinson?” and a flamboyant Londoner waves to identify himself, gesturing for his servants to push through the crowds to connect with the group.

GOV. THOMAS HUTCHINSON

Commissioner Robinson?… So sorry about this. Untimely.

COMMISSIONER JOHN ROBINSON

Governor Hutchinson?

HUTCHINSON

And my cousin, Judge Peter Oliver. Just leave your bags here. Andrew will handle them.

[Andrew starts to take the bags from the Commissioner’s white servants, confused and envious, hesitate giving them. Hutchinson snaps his fingers for them to put the bags on cart, They obey]

COMMISSIONER

Disgusting – oh, excuse me: Not just Boston – London has worse rabble. But I thought – envisioned a quiet little shipping town carved into woodlands

JUDGE PETER OLIVER

The crew probably raced to get here in time for Pope’s Day. What we call Guy Fawkes Day here.

COMMISSIONER

Thank God, then you’re not always – ah – like this.

[Hancock, the elegantly dressed man in red and lace pushes close up.]

JOHN HANCOCK

Welcome to Boston, Commissioner. I’m John Hancock.

[to HUTCH]

I brought my carriage for him. Keep him safe from all this.

COMMISSIONER

How kind! Where…?

HUTCHINSON

No, ours is right over here. Come, Mr. Robinson –

[Abruptly guides Commissioner away from Hancock. Judge Oliver hurries to catch up, Andrew and servants follow with suitcases. Hancock stands rebuffed]

[As he rushes to catch up, explaining to Commissioner]

JUDGE OLIVER

He’s just a country parson’s son. His uncle had no heirs.

COMMISSIONER

Better than most of them – thrown out of our poorhouses and jails. I hope my quarters will be far from the crowds.

[Behind them, as they hurry off, a man (Sam Adams) puts his arm around Hancock and guides him back towards his carriage]

HUTCHINSON

No worries. A private residence next to the best inn. Fully equipped. Servants have prepared it.

COMMISSIONER

. Your savages are probably more civilized than the excrements we sent off to the New World. Just –

HUTCHINSON

When you get to know them…

COMMISSIONER

I won’t be staying long in this God-forsaken place, thank heavens

HUTCHINSON

Ah… many came here with nothing, no one helping them – and they…

COMMISSIONER

Terribly sorry, Mr. Hutchinson. I forgot you – I should have remembered from your accent. You’re one of them, too. They told me your grandmother fought off the Indians-

HUTCHINSON

Come – our carriage is right over there. We can settle you in, talk over lunch.

COMMISSIONER

Well, I hope you’ll be able to control them better than our former governors. Which governor did they tar and feather before they shipped him back home?

###

SCENE I.2 INTRO OF ANTAGONIST

SU NOTES:

The scene that introduces the other lead character (Antagonist) Making the Antagonist’s first appearance interesting engages the audience because this is the character who will create anticipation and drive the conflict. A great character intro also helps to hook an actor.

· Introduce them as a representation of the conflict they’ll cause the Protagonist.

· Put them in action.

· Have them say interesting lines.

· Conclude the Character Introduction with them being a formidable opponent.

NOTE: If you have a relationship movie (Rom-Com or equal buddy movie), then assume that both characters are the Protagonist and the other character’s Antagonist. They will push each other’s buttons and create issues that must be resolved for them to have a real relationship

From BEAT SHEET:

EXT. GANGS’ TWO CARTS WITH EFFIGIES FOR “POPE’S DAY CELEBRATION” – CONTINUOUS TIME (Intro of Antagonist) Sam Adams guides the mortified Hancock over to leaders of South and North End mobs who are planning their holiday rumble. Sam gets mob leaders cheering and flattering Hancock. James Otis Jr, lawyer, bursts in ranting and warning about Parliament planning a tax on almost every Boston transaction (from cards and newspapers to weddings and funerals) Hancock doesn’t want politics, Sam eases Otis away from his prey.

Theme: H restricts Hancock’s respect and therefore sense of full freedom/rights while Sam nourishes Hancock’s need to feel free and first class citizen with all right

OUTLINE – SCENE INTRODUCING ANTAGONIST

Beginning: Sam invites Hancock looking rejected and forlorn to join them – they go to mob leaders who have come up to mock Hancock – richest in colony and can’t even…

Middle: Mob leaders fight over who will win the fight on the bridge tonight, knock the others into the Bay. Swift says we – dockworkers should throw the tax collector over too. Sam says no royals – each will be equal. Mobs laugh. Mac looks at Hancock, him too- all the rich ones claiming God chose them while living off our backs, … and Mac says he will be as rich as kings.

End: Sam interrupts. He’s happy not to be rich or famous – but if you need a king – until you get Hancock cares about the people – country farmer, pastors son – don’t hold it against him that his uncle got rich shipping – I’m sure wants all of us to prosper, not just the Lords and Ladies – encourages H to give some coins – is he our own is our own king right now. Cheers

DRAFT 1 SCRIPT, I.2 Introduction of Antagonist

EXT. WOODEN CART ON DOCKS – CONTINUOUS TIME

[Sam Adams, the man we saw earlier in the distance, has guided Hancock back to his golden carriage – but near it, workmen are hanging effigies. A large muscular man, Ebeneezer Mackintosh, leader of Boston’s South End mob, mocks him]

MAC

Aw, poor Mr. Hancock. Richest man in the colony of Massachusetts Bay – and the nobs still won’t give you the time of day!

[A smaller, wirey man jumps off cart to hit Mac – he is Henry Swift, leader of Boston’s North End mob]

SWIFT

Stop riding him, Mac.

HANCOCK

Thank you, Henry Swift.

MAC

Watch out, Mr. Hancock – When Swift kisses up, he’s ready to swindle you out of something.

SWIFT

No problem, Mr. Hancock, Sir. By sundown, me and my North Enders’ll meet on the bridge and dump his wagon and all his stinking boys into the Bay. We should throw that tax collector from the ship with them tonight. Mr. Adams – you found out what the King’s taxes will be for?

SAM ADAMS

Parliament’s taxes. We’ll let you know as soon as we know.

MAC

Swift don’t got no money to tax. But me and my men – soon as our King hears how tough we are – you’ll be looking at me, leader of his royal guard in the colonies. And I’ll be mopping up dock scum like you!

SWIFT

Lords of Parliament already told me to protect that fellow that just come off the boat.

MAC

Hell with the damn Lords. We’re in a world of kings. Every nation’s got one. When King George hears how me, Ebeneezer Mackintosh and my South-

SWIFT

Our king – you’re nothing. The king’ll hang you before he ever asks your name.

SAM ADAMS

Do you care what the king actually thinks of you? Don’t you realize each of you is just as fine as any king or aristocrat on earth?

[Swift and Mac laugh, ridicule the idea by prancing around like foppish rulers. Hancock is edging away.]

SAM ADAMS

Every one of you is as fine as any nobleman or king.

[More laughter]

Are you gentlemen blind?! Mr. Swift – Mr. Mackintosh – don’t you see the gold right in front of your eyes?

MAC

Where?!

SWIFT

You jerk. He’s pulling your leg again.

SAM

No, I’m being very serious. John Hancock, would you ever claim you’re better than other people just because of your uncle’s fortune, would you?

HANCOCK

Of course not!

SAM

Or blind you to the troubles regular people?

HANCOCK

No!

SAM

You hear that? Mr. Hancock is proud to be one of us.

HANCOCK

A year ago, I was regular people. I never expected –

SAM

You said it yourselves. Every nation’s got a king. But what about the people, not just the rulers of nations. Have we got a king looking out for us? A king to stop people like Governor Hutchinson filching all the royal appointments for himself and his family – treating a fine citizen like dirt. Didn’t we all see how he treated Mr. Hancock today?

HANCOCK

He never would have treated my uncle.

SAM

The people respect you. We see who you really are, don’t we?

MAC

Who… what?

SAM

John Hancock comes from a country town. He knows how hard farmers work the fields, moving rocks, clearing land, caring for the food that feeds all of us in Boston, doesn’t he?

SWIFT

What’re you –

SAM

[To Swift, with a wink]

Did you see how Hutchinson and his fancy tax collector showed no respect for our own Mr. Hancock.

MAC

“Our own”?!

SAM

Yes! Mr. Hancock has received the gift of riches but he has not forgotten us. A true leader of the people of the earth! We live in a world ruled by kings – but can’t the people have their own…? Can’t we honor a very wealthy man who knows he is one of us? The people’s own leader…

SWIFT

Or King?

MAC

King!

[Grabs a bottle of rum]

Come on, Swift – get your men to give a toast to King Hancock!

[All men on wagon hold up cups, empty bottles as MAC pours a round and all burst out with cheers, of “King Hancock!” Swift toasts to Sam with an admiring smile.]

###

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Anntares; Beat Sheet Draft 2 – Theme and Antagonist

What I learned from this assignment:

· Amazed at how well the beat scenes in Assignment 7 aligned with theme and how involved Sam the antag already was in the outline.

· Very useful to force myself to re-read the Beat Sheet’s outline to double check where the theme is woven through or needs to be woven in more strongly even if that means changing what happens in scenes.

· Same for role of antagonist throughout the scenes

· Going through the outline twice made me much more aware of what I had set up when answering assignment questions about structural elements in each act.

· I thought I wished I had outlined the story over 4 acts, even if very general high level sentence for each… and that I had focused on theme and antagonist before interviewing characters and blocking out key structural elements of each act… they would be stronger if built after outlining the storyline at least at general level. But it turns out the theme was already embedded in the outline, just needed naming the points where it shows up. Mystery of synchronicity between story/writer?

Theme in a cyberbyte:

Focusing rigidly only on law and order or only freedom and rights, we cannot listen to each other and end up achieving nothing but chaos and violence.

Main Characters – Assignments 2-4:

Protagonist – Thomas Hutchinson; Antagonist – Sam Adams (a unique switch because in most American histories, tv-film-stage scripts, he’s the hero or sidekick to a hero)

I built Sam into most of the Beat Sheet but will tweak and add a little more – without describing details of each scene and how he interacts

BEAT SHEET

Acts, Key Scenes around Structural Elements, Ideas for additional scenes leading into or out of the key scenes

(NOTE – Formatting helps me see quickly what groups togethe. the system kept bold and italics, but not indents, line spacing and border around Hal’s definitions so this is hard to read… I hope no one reads these assignments!}

Act I. Set up and see the Old Ways (25-30 pps)

Opening

· Introduces us to lead characters in action.

· Shows Old ways as their natural way of being, e.g., Order is priority, despite promised to include all citizens in decisions that affect their lives, most wealthy and influential people hold the power and make the decisions.

· Set us up for the journey that starts with the Inciting Incident. Maybe preview a sign of potential transformation

EXT. BOSTON DOCKS 1764 – MORNING

Newly inaugurated Governor Hutchinson greets the pompous, foppish royal tax Commissioner from London as he disembarks then suddenly must protect him from two Boston mob leaders fighting over holiday. Judge Peter Oliver, also greeting Commish, rants against colonials as, except for a few civilized elite, are the worst of the worst from the jails and poorhouses of Eng and European serfs. Hutchinson reassure the terrified visitor that he has it under control. [Sam Adams -antag- is in background hanging out with leaders of the South and North End mobs and other workers.]

Theme Intro: When people of all classes find out the visitor is the new royal tax commissioner, they react in two opposite ways – some approving the Commissioner coming to the colony to enforce laws so everyone does their fair part in helping the nation repay the war debt; others angrily saying their own Boston Town meeting and colonial assembly can tax them – they have a right to be taxed only by their elected reps not pompous poppycocks from the Mother Country.

Additional Scenes Needed:

EXT. GREEN DRAGON TAVERN – CONTINUOUS TIME

(TE 1 – early sign of potential transformation)

Hutchinson introduces Commissioner to wealthy Boston merchants as a way to prove people of Boston are not all savages. Hancock, heir of wealthiest man, says something stupid, Hutchinson steers Commissioner and other merchants away from Hancock.

EXT. GANGS’ TWO CARTS WITH EFFIGIES FOR “POPE’S DAY CELEBRATION” – CONTINUOUS TIME (Intro of Antagonist) Sam Adams guides the mortified Hancock over to leaders of South and North End mobs who are planning their holiday rumble. Sam gets mob leaders cheering and flattering Hancock. James Otis Jr, lawyer, bursts in ranting and warning about Parliament planning a tax on almost every Boston transaction (from cards and newspapers to weddings and funerals) Hancock doesn’t want politics, Sam eases Otis away from his prey.

Theme: H restricts Hancock’s respect and therefore sense of full freedom/rights while Sam nourishes Hancock’s need to feel free and first class citizen with all rights

Note to me: Run Judge Peter Oliver throughout; Also Native American Mashpee son of Otis who Otis taught the law. As well as Sam’s wild wife Betsy and H’s warrior daughter

Inciting Incident

The call to go on the journey. Creates the opportunity to live outside the box and take on the New Ways.

INT. HUTCHINSON’S OFFICE- CONTINUOUS TIME

When James Otis rushes into H’s meeting with the royal tax Commissioner and former Gov Bernard preparing to leave for London, H must insist that he can control radicals and mobs – like the ones who threw out previous governors. Maybe Judge Peter Oliver wants Otis arrested and Sam arrives to pull Otis away.

Theme Exploring: Otis demands rights as British citizens to be taxed by their elected representatives but colonies only have one royal appointed rep in Parliament

Turning Point

Locks in the journey. There is no going back from here.

EXT. BALCONY OF ROYAL OFFICE – AFTERNOON

H has been inaugurated. Promises to crowd below as first Gov, he will respect Americans – self made, not inherited – and at same time ensure American’s loyalty to Parliament and Crown because he loves Great Britain, the only nation in the world to let people vote for reps who will make laws for them in Houses of Lords and Commons. Sam is in crowd, telling people to hold him to it.

Theme Exploring: H trying to balance both law/order and freedom/rights

Act II. Challenge the Old Ways (20-30 pps)

Reaction

Protag is now outside the box. It is uncomfortable, maybe unbearable. But the Hero can’t go back – must move forward in some way.

INT. HUTCHINSON ELEGANT HOME – DAY

H with adult children – he plans how to protect them physically and financially if people blame him.

Theme exploring – The fear felt by people trying to assert order but attached by people wanting more freedom/rights

The Plan

With every step, they use their Old Ways, but…

EXT. TREE OF LIBERTY IN BOSTON GREEN- NIGHT

Demonstration against Stamp Act – H sees Sam and other radicals keeping it calm. Judge Peter Oliver takes him aside, insists he call the sheriff, arrest the leaders. H refuses to arrest fellow citizens. Must demand that Parl rescind the tax.

TE2 H becomes aware that they look rebellious but maybe have real concerns not just out to destroy society

Theme Exploring – How people who want freedom/rights can protest without violence

Additional Scenes/Placeholders:

EXT. HILL ABOVE BOSTON – CONTINUOUS TIME

Bonfire. Joyful, wild celebrating. Led from behind by Sam; watched from afar by H with spyglass. H watching with spyglass. Commissioner terrified by mob. H tries to explain them – had to survive on their own. Came from poorhouses and jails of Eng….

Theme Exploring – The fear felt by people who focus only on law/order with others protest, even peacefully, for their freedom/rights

EXT. PORCH OF GREEN DRAGON TAVERN. TWO WEEKS LATER/AFTERNOON

Sam mobilizes merchants, workers, ministers, gang members, farmers etc. into Committee of Correspondence.

Plan in Action

Those Old Ways are challenged from lightly to heavily — and they no don’t work.

EXT. H’s Home – NIGHT

Rioters loot, burn and almost kill Gov Hutchinson. H is trying to stop them by appealing to ethics and not leaving his porch… Sam is working the crowd desperately trying to break up the riot. Both fail.

Theme exploring – How people demanding freedom/rights without balancing with law/order can cause violence

Next Plan

Remember, all it takes to challenge the Old Ways is to simply have them not work. You don’t need to have the characters lecture them or directly spell out their Old Ways in dialogue. For now, just create a list of attempts to solve the problem or to make themselves feel better… then have those actions fail or make things worse.

INT. COUNCIL CHAMBERS – DAY

Judge Peter Oliver is ranting against the people. H stops Commissioner from calling troops. Decides to build consensus by discussing concerns about taxes – but as soon as Commissioner walks out secretly writes letter requestion royal army protection. Otis, half mad, runs in, weeping pledging loyalty and damning Sam

Theme exploring – Growing awareness of a law/order person of the need to listen to needs/concerns of the people demanding freedom/order (Note – interesting to find the theme all over the place – all I changed to highlight it here is the phrase in italics)

Additional Scenes/Placeholder

INT. GREEN DRAGON TAVERN – NIGHT

Otis accuses Sam of stirring up mobs – savages. Sam calms him, reminds him of the importance of their rights as first class full Brit citizens… explains why they must get closer to mobs

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Merchants, ministers, even workers and gangs come to apologize.

H thanks them for their sympathy for loss of home. Reassures them the Stamp tax on all transactions will be withdrawn. Wants to work together.

TE3 – H realizes town does not hate him personally just the laws.

Theme exploring – By listening to people’s needs/concerns about freedom/rights the law/order person can build a bridge to collaboration not violence.

EXT. OUTSIDE GREEN DRAGON TAVERN

Merchants avoiding Sam. H plan seems to be working

INT GOV OFICE

Otis’s Tory wife apologizing for her husband, his jealous because H’s father got appointed to the job O’s father wanted. Maybe they become close

Theme exploring – Sometimes demands for freedom/right may sound high level but actually be based on personal greed/anger… or maybe the law/order people distort the reasons for wanting freedom/rights

Additional Scenes leading up to Midpoint:

INT. SAM AND BETSY’S SIMPLE KITCHEN – DAY

Sam finds out about H request for army, damning rebels. Wife Betsy insists the world must know. Tells the world that H not friend, cannot trust him, just wants his money, titles and power to give others royal appointments.

Theme exploring – When law/order people are not transparent and choose the violence of authority, they give power to the freedom/rights people to look like unfairly treated victims

INT. BOSTON GAZETTE – DAY

Printing – despite printer’s fear he will be closed down by govt

Midpoint/Turning Point 2

The journey is still moving in the same direction, but the meaning has changed in a big way that shifts reality. It could be any of these:

· The forces of antagonism are 10 times bigger than we thought.

· Reality has changed (The Matrix). We’re through the looking glass.

· The whole first half of the movie was a con.

· They discover who has been betraying them.

· Everything they based their success on is wrong!

Whatever shift you choose, it completely disrupts the Hero’s reality.

EXT. BOSTON STREET – DAY

H is accosted by people from all classes. Defensive. shamed and mortified. Otis, even more insane, rushes by demanding the head of King George on a platter

Theme exploring: More on above (– When law/order people are not transparent and choose the violence of authority, they give power to the freedom/rights people to look like unfairly treated victims) – even turns some people who were more for law/order to swing over to freedom/rights as more important

Additional Scene

INT. H NEW HOME – DAY.

Daughter trying to comfort Hutchinson who feels alone, deserted, failure and worse, hypocritical spy against fellow colonists… he loved them, gave his life to writing their history, the beautiful story of the making of the colony and its connection to the Mother Country… now he hated – and he hates them. Judge Peter Oliver ranting against Sam and Otis

Theme exploring – The good side of law/order focus

Act III. With Midpoint change, Profound moments that give us new ways. New Plan – Purses it, embraces need to change.

Place holder – Royal Army arrives in Boston, takes over town meeting. Sam confidently mocks them – hear to save us from Indians? Funny, didn’t hear of any attacks. Reactions against the military of others; some fawning over the presumed power of men in uniform

Note Add in a town meeting earlier

Theme exploring – Can the military enforce law/order on people who want freedom/rights? Italics = added for the theme)

Rethink Everything

The Midpoint changes everything. This is an important part of the Hero’s transformation.

· A. They have multiple insights into why things weren’t working.

· B. They see that the Old Ways won’t cut it anymore.

· C. They must up their game, which means they must change!

INT. HUTCHINSON COUNTRY HOME – DAY

H with family. realizes he can’t fight them by just giving orders to control them.. What to do? Resign? Leave? But he needs his salary, loves his position and the respect he gts TE4: but he loves his home and land

New Plan

Now, the hero creates a new plan and pursues it. With that, they embrace the need to change. This could involve training sequences, bringing on new partners, or taking actions they never would have taken during the first half of the movie.

INT. GOV OFFICE – DAY

Peter Oliver ranting against Sam, Otis, radicals. He has brought poor Ruth Otis with him, Otis’ wife from wealthy influential family. She equates her husband’s madness with all – recommends – stop ordering people around like an aristocrat. Instead, listen, include them instead of elitism, bring them in, buy them – merchants.

Theme exploring – Tensions between Hutchinson’s focus on law/order and Sam’s focus on freedom/rights are driving Otis insane

Additional Scenes/Placeholders maybe needed:

SCENE: Show the plan working. H winning over merchants, Hancock, parties, gracious 18^th century ball

SCENE H has isolated Sam – no one speaks to him or respects him. Worse, they are bored by his rantings about the need for more liberty.

SCENE: H gets Hancock others laughing at Sam, deserting him. Otis switching pro Order con Freedom then pro Freedom con Order, completely nuts. If his sister is in this, show her trying to stop him, get him back to his mind

SCENE: People, including tax Commissioner Robinson. beat up the ranting Otis in a tavern— triggers his madness worse. People just shrug, say too bad. A brilliant mind, lost. Sam gathers info it was a set up. But no one cares

Theme exploring – The extremists on both sides are moving into violence

Turning Point 3

The “All is lost” or “lowest of the lows” moment where everything has failed. Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

EXT. STREET – DAY

“Boys and Negroes” throwing snowballs at soldiers, are ice balls with rocks indie. Massacre… 5 killed

Theme exploring – Society, not just people focused on politics, is collapsing into a need for violence

Additional Scenes/Placeholders: (all explore theme of law/order and freedom/rights when not balanced leading to chaos and violence)

Scenes of both H and S comforting relatives of the wounded and dead, compassionate for losses, panic.

TE 4 – H realizes how much he cares about people of Boston and Mass.

Scene: Brits/Tories telling H to be tough… can’t order people to be orderly… H wants to remove the regiment responsible for the killings, but not both.

Scene: Sam in town hall gets townspeople to march demanding removal of both regiments from Boston after what Sam calls th “Massacre” -and Hutch calls an “unfortunate incident”.

Scene (key): Meeting with H – Officials say no regiments leave. Hutch wiling to say he will remove the one that did the killing; Sam has got the Town Meeting and its reps in this meeting to say Both regiments must leave Boston

· Brits and Tories telling him to keep army in Boston. Hutch stands up to them by talking about the fine quality of Boston, Mass, colonies. And shames them for not understanding need for obedience to laws/preservation of order

· Hancock, Otis, other Leaders from Town Meeting fall back, too intimidated by Hutch

· Left alone to confront Hutch is Samwho usually is at the back of a demonstration, at the front. Theme exploring in addition to storyline. Sam confronts H by focusing on charter rights to freedom/rights in colonies, British Constitution and values for freedom/rights —playing to his knowledge that H loves Mass, charter, Brit rights as Brit citizens…

· Despite pressure, H agrees. Both regiments will be removed.

· Fury at H by royals and Tories, blaming H for weakness, coddling fellow Amer…

o TE5 H realizes he has lost all but he is proud he stood up for Brit

Act IV: Test the change in this character! Prove New Ways! (With Turning Point 3, the Protagonist embraces a new way, which gives them a fighting chance in Act 4.)

Scenes/Placeholders – Maybe some are fast montage clips building up to Climax

SCENE: H hears that yes, stamp tax repealed but tariff on imports, e.g. Tea – H knows it’s perfectly legal but will blow up

SCENE: Sam caucusing with merchants, workers, gangs, ministers – pact throughout colonies. Committees of Correspondence with farmer Daniel Shays. Other colonies sending tea back safe. Some let it land and paid the tariff Not Boston – will show what we’ll do… but no violence, no stealing – just take back power to decide what happens to unfairly taxed imports

SCENE: Town Meeting, Sam gives signal for town meeting to start the Tea Party

Theme exploring – Protesting in aggressive, non-peaceful but not violent ways

SCENE: Shock of property damage. H must go to England, General Gage become Gov

Theme exploring – Authorities focused on law/order take over with guns and stronger laws

SCENE: Port Act closes Boston – starve or obey. H tries to fight General Gage/write Parl and King not to impose such harsh punishment

TE6 – H is fighting for people despite risk to himself

SCENE: Letters going all over colonies via committees of correspondence

SCENE: Sam in illegal assembly to vote for reps to go to Continental Congress – someday Eng will be a little island

Theme exploring – More on aggressive but non violent protest, breaking the law by establishing a new illegal order

SCENE: Spy – B. Church – warns Hutch and Gage but says Sam has locked the reps in until they vote. Gage ready to send royal army. H – tries to stop that.

TE: Hutchinson more aware of human cost of focusing only on order, not listening to needs for rights

Theme: Here and next two scenes – focusing only on order leads to lethal violence not negotiation

SCENE: Revere and Tommy Dawes warning countryside, farmers picking up rifles and hiding behind stone walls

Crisis (Play’s main question)

EXT. ROADS/INTERCUT SCENES – DAY

Sam fleeing Brit army from Lexington/Concord and Hutchinson riding in carriage with daughter, going from his home to shipped to England – will Sam or Hutch achieve their goal?

Climax

Ultimate expression of the conflict; The Test. This is the ultimate expression of the conflict. Face to face with the Antagonist for the ultimate fight! This is an impossible situation that the Hero can only win with the change they have made in their lives. It is the ultimate expression of the New Ways.

EXT. CROSSROADS – DAY

Sam and Hutchinson meet at a crossroads. Sam damns H for calling out army against the people. Dares him when he reaches London to lie to Parliament and King about Americans. Hutchinson claims he has never lied. Tried to protect. Confrontation reveals:

-Despite his denials before, Sam never felt it was realistic to have elected reps in Parl…

-H despite his attempts to enforce the laws of Parl, knew they jst wanted Amer tax money and were unfair to colonist

Theme: Sam will bring about a war he didn’t want, fail to get Parliament to listen to colonists’ need for their full rights as British citizens; and Hutch will not win his goal of keeping colonies/Mother Country loyal and united, but wins what he didn’t realize he needed – reconnection with his love for the simplicity and ideas of colonists.

Resolution 9 The change has been made or tested. We now see the new status quo of the Hero.

SCENE A- Genl Gage and Brit Commissioner Robinson offerd H lots of goodies in England as they send him off on ship to tell King… he turns them down. Commissioner says when hes in London he’ll b glad to have them -and more;

SCENE B- H in England surrounded by Brit aristocrats, trying to groom him for his meeting with king. He refuses – tries to defend Americans… alone and surrounded by fops.

Question – end with him with King, trying to advocate for colonies, lighten harsh Port Act?

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s High Speed Beat Sheet – Day 7

What I learned by doing this assignment:

Assignment 7, after 3 + round:

1) Working with an outline of acts with prescribed key structural elements, but no need to go through it sequentially or even finish ideas or sentences, is very freeing. Allows ideas about all parts of the story to pop out whenever/wherever… then a second round helps figure out if they fit and if so, where. Also allows me to forget key details about the story in my head then remember them and write a note to myself about where to fit them in later. Much more freeing that plodding through step by step, losing confidence or giving up to watch a Hallmark movie or nap.

2) An uncomfortable assignment and a lot more than 90 minutes. But bottom line – Hal’s template of questions for this assignment midwifed the story from my mind or opened the floodgates of images about what could happen. Actually, both.

3) I don’t understand why, before we start creating sluglines/descriptions of scenes for each structural element in an Act, why we don’t describe generally what, at the moment, we think happens in the story during that act. Without the storyline, even if general and changeable, how do we describe an inciting incident or plan or climax to summarize what happens in a scene? The character’s needs to change in order to transform could be embedded in many different types of scenes, depending on what story we are telling. Maybe harder for me because I am not making up a story, I’m creating a story about people caught up in historical events… so I needed to plot out what, in general is happening when before I build character actions/goals into those actions.

4) I found it difficult to fit into the assignment guidelines. Simple slugline/descriptions about a scene’s key structural element is awkward to create before I have figured out what’s going on in a scene. So, my improvisations within the assignment in order to do it:

· I could not write short succinct phrases for each beat – I first had to write notes on what flooded my mind’s eye… then tried to summarize it. Actually, Hal’s short summaries o each structural element I his examples could not have been written until he saw the scenes he was summarizing.

· I also could not remember in detail what each structural element involves so I went back to copy/paste Hal’s definitions of each one and list them under their respective acts.

· To speed my writing I need to minimize stress and time spent flipping back and forth between Hal assignments, terms, definitions and examples in order to incorporate them into a Beat Sheet. In case this system accepts a table, here’s my personal worksheet for this assignment

If the SU system accepts a table, here’s an example of the template I developed to help me through. If it doesn’t come thru when I cut/paste, I hope no one ever slogs through these slugs but if you are reading, I can send you the template. Just email anntares@yahoo. The template, in case the system can accept a table (If not, skip over computer gobbledegook to the sentence starting with “First”

THE SYSTEM DOES NOT ACCEPT A TABLE. I NEEDED A WORKSHEET (“TITA’S TRAINER WHEELS”) SO I DEVELOPED A TEMPLATE TO HELP ME SPEED THROUGH THIS ASSIGNMENT WITHOUT HAVING TO KEEP FLIPPING BACK AND FORTH TO FIND RELATED DEFINITIONS AND GUIDELINES FROM PREVIOUS ASSIGNMENTS. This Template included:

– main conflict, old ways, transformational events and needs to make the transformation, new ways –

– for each act, the structural elements (with Hal definition so I stayed focused) (two columns – on left the structural elements and definitions, on write my Scene slug line, description for each element and any additional scenes/placeholder notes. This Worksheet helped me trim down and focus the main ideas in my head when each structural element made me visualize lots of possible actions/conversations..

Assignment 7: BEAT SHEET

Act I. Set up and see the Old Ways (25-30 pps)

Opening

· Introduces us to lead characters in action.

· Shows Old ways as their natural way of being, e.g., Order is priority, despite promised to include all citizens in decisions that affect their lives, most wealthy and influential people hold the power and make the decisions.

· Set us up for the journey that starts with the Inciting Incident.

Maybe preview a sign of potential transformation

EXT. BOSTON DOCKS 1764 – MORNING

Newly inaugurated Governor Hutchinson greets the pompous, foppish royal tax Commissioner from London as he disembarks then suddenly must protect him from two Boston mob leaders fighting over holiday. Hutchinson reassure the terrified visitor that he has it under control.

Additional Scenes Needed:

EXT. GREEN DRAGON TAVERN – CONTINUOUS TIME (TE 1 – early sign of potential transformation) Hutchinson introduces Commissioner to wealthy Boston merchants as a way to prove people of Boston are not all savages. Hancock, heir of wealthiest man, says something stupid, Hutchinson steers Commissioner and other merchants away from Hancock.

EXT. GANGS’ TWO CARTS WITH EFFIGIES FOR “POPE’S DAY CELEBRATION” – CONTINUOUS TIME (Intro of Antagonist) Sam Adams guides the mortified Hancock over to leaders of South and North End mobs who are planning their holiday rumble. Sam gets mob leaders cheering and flattering Hancock. James Otis Jr, lawyer, bursts in ranting and warning about Parliament planning a tax on almost every Boston transaction (from cards and newspapers to weddings and funerals) Hancock doesn’t want politics, Sam eases Otis away from his prey.

Inciting Incident The call to go on the journey.

Creates the opportunity to live outside the box and take on the New Ways.

INT. HUTCHINSON’S OFFICE- CONTINUOUS TIME

When James Otis rushes into H’s meeting with the royal tax Commissioner and former Gov Bernard preparing to leave for London, H must insist that he can control radicals and mobs – like the ones who threw out previous governors.

Turning Point Locks in the journey. There is no going back from here.

EXT. BALCONY OF ROYAL OFFICE – AFTERNOON

H has been inaugurated. Promises to crowd below as first Gov, he will respect Americans – self made, not inherited – and at same time ensure American’s loyalty to Parliament and Crown because he loves Great Britain, the only nation in the world to let people vote for reps who will make laws for them in Houses of Lords and Commons.

Act II. Challenge the Old Ways (20-30 pps)

Reaction Protag is now outside the box. It is uncomfortable, maybe unbearable. But the Hero can’t go back – must move forward in some way.

INT. HUTCHINSON ELEGANT HOME – DAY

H with adult children – he plans how to protect them physically and financially if people blame him.

The Plan With every step, they use their Old Ways, but…

EXT. TREE OF LIBERTY IN BOSTON GREEN- NIGHT

Demonstration against Stamp Act – H sees radicals keeping it calm, refuses to arrest leaders. (TE2

Additional Scenes/Placeholders:

EXT. HILL ABOVE BOSTON – CONTINUOUS TIME

Bonfire. Joyful, wild celebrating. Led from behind by Sam; watched from afar by H with spyglass. H watching with spyglass. Commissioner terrified by mob. H tries to explain them – had to survive on their own. Came from poorhouses and jails of Eng….

EXT. PORCH OF GREEN DRAGON TAVERN. TWO WEEKS LATER/AFTERNOON

Sam mobilizes merchants, workers, ministers, gang members, farmers etc. into Committee of Correspondence.

Plan in Action Those Old Ways are challenged from lightly to heavily — and they no don’t work.

EXT. H’s Home – NIGHT

Rioters loot, burn and almost kill Gov Hutchinson

Next Plan Remember, all it takes to challenge the Old Ways is to simply have them not work. You don’t need to have the characters lecture them or directly spell out their Old Ways in dialogue. For now, just create a list of attempts to solve the problem or to make themselves feel better… then have those actions fail or make things worse.

INT. COUNCIL CHAMBERS – DAY

H stops Commissioner from calling troops. Decides to build consensus – but as soon as Commissioner walks out secretly writes letter requestion royal army protection. Otis, half mad, runs in, weeping pledging loyalty and damning Sam

Additional Scenes/Placeholder

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Merchants, ministers, even workers and gangs come to apologize. TE3 – Realizes town does not hate him personally just the laws. Thanks them for their sympathy for loss of home. Reassures them the Stamp tax on all transactions will be withdrawn. Wants to work together.

EXT. OUTSIDE GREEN DRAGON TAVERN

Merchants avoiding Sam. H plan seems to be working

INT GOV OFICE Otis’s Tory wife apologizing for her husband, his jealous because H’s father got appointed to the job O’s father wanted. Maybe they become close

Additional Scenes leading up to Midpoint:

INT. SAM AND BETSY’S SIMPLE KITCHEN – DAY

Sam finds out about H request for army, damning rebels. Wife Betsy insists the world must know. Tells the world that H not friend, cannot trust him, just wants his money, titles and power to give others royal appointments.

.

INT. BOSTON GAZETTE – DAY

Printing – despite printer’s fear he will be closed down by govt

Midpoint/Turning Point 2 The journey is still moving in the same direction, but the meaning has changed in a big way that shifts reality. It could be any of these:

· The forces of antagonism are 10 times bigger than we thought.

· Reality has changed (The Matrix). We’re through the looking glass.

· The whole first half of the movie was a con.

· They discover who has been betraying them.

· Everything they based their success on is wrong!

Whatever shift you choose, it completely disrupts the Hero’s reality.

EXT. BOSTON STREET – DAY

H is accosted by people from all classes. Defensive. shamed and mortified. Otis, even more insane, rushes by demanding the head of King George on a platter

Additional Scene

INT. H NEW HOME – DAY.

Daughter trying to comfort Hutchinson who feels alone, deserted, failure and worse, hypocritical spy against fellow colonists… he loved them, gave his life to writing their history… now he hated – and he hates them.

Act III. With Midpoint change, Profound moments that give us new ways. New Plan – Purses it, embraces need to change.

Place holder – Royal Army arrives in Boston, takes over town meeting. Sam confidently mocks them – hear to save us from Indians? Funny, didn’t hear of any attacks.

Note Add in a town meeting earlier

Rethink Everything The Midpoint changes everything. This is an important part of the Hero’s transformation.

· A. They have multiple insights into why things weren’t working.

· B. They see that the Old Ways won’t cut it anymore.

C. They must up their game, which means they must change!

INT. H HOME – DAY

H with family. realizes he can’t fight them, give orders or control them.. what to do? Resign? But he needs his salary. Leave? TE4: but he loves his home and land

New Plan Now, the hero creates a new plan and pursues it. With that, they embrace the need to change. This could involve training sequences, bringing on new partners, or taking actions they never would have taken during the first half of the movie.

INT. GOV OFFICE – DAY

Peter Oliver ranting against Sam, Otis, radicals. He has brought poor Ruth Otis with him, Otis’ wife from wealthy influential family. She equates her husband’s madness with all – recommends – stop ordering people around like an aristocrat. Instead, listen, include them instead of elitism, bring them in, buy them – merchants.

Additional Scenes/Placeholders maybe needed:

SCENE: Show the plan working. H winning over merchants, Hancock, parties, gracious 18^th century ball

SCENE H has isolated Sam – no one speaks to him or respects him. Worse, they are bored by his rantings about the need for more liberty.

SCENE: H gets Hancock others laughing at Sam, deserting him. Otis switching pro Order con Freedom then pro Freedom con Order, completely nuts. If his sister is in this, show her trying to stop him, get him back to his mind

SCENE: People, including tax Commissioner Robinson. beat up the ranting Otis in a tavern— triggers his madness worse. People just shrug, say too bad. A brilliant mind, lost. Sam gathers info it was a set up. But no one cares

Note: Run Judge Peter Oliver throughout; Also Native American Mashpee son of Otis who Otis taught the law

Turning Point 3 The “All is lost” or “lowest of the lows” moment where everything has failed. Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

EXT. STREET – DAY

“Boys and Negroes” throwing snowballs at soldiers, are ice balls with rocks indie. Massacre… 5 killed

Additional Scenes/Placeholders:

Scenes of both H and S comforting relatives of the dead people, compassionate for losses, panic. …

TE 4 – H realizes how much he cares about people of Boston and Mass.

Scene: Brits/Tories telling H to be tough… can’t order people to be orderly… H wants to remove the regiment responsible for the killings, but not both.

Scene: Sam in town hall gets townspeople to march demanding removal of both regiments from Boston.

Scene (key): Meeting with H – Brits and Tories telling him to. H stands up to them. Hancock, Otis, other Leaders fall back , leaving Sam who usually is at the back of a demonstration, at the front. Sam confronts H by playing to his knowledge that H loves Mass, charter, Brit rights as Brit citizens… Despite pressure, H agrees. Both regiments will be removed. Fury at H by royals and Tories, blaming H for weakness, coddling fellow Amer… TE5 H realizes he has lost all but he is proud he stood up for Brit

Act IV: Test the change in this character! Prove New Ways! (With Turning Point 3, the Protagonist embraces a new way, which gives them a fighting chance in Act 4.)

Scenes/Placeholders – Maybe some are fast montage clips building up to Climax

SCENE: H hears that yes, stamp tax repealed but tariff on imports, e.g. Tea – H knows it’s perfectly legal but will blow up

SCENE: Sam caucusing with merchants, workers, gangs, ministers – pact throughout colonies. Committees of Correspondence with farmer Daniel Shays. Other colonies sending tea back safe. Some let it land. Not Boston – will show what we’ll do…

SCENE: Town Meeting, Sam gives signal for town meeting to start the Tea Party

SCENE: Shock of property damage. H must go to England, General Gage become Gov

SCENE: Port Act closes Boston – starve or obey. H tries to fight General Gage/write Parl and King not to impose such harsh punishment (TE6 – H is fighting for people despite risk to himself)

SCENE: Letters going all over colonies via committees o correspondence

SCENE: Sam in illegal assembly to vote for reps to go to Continental Congress – someday Eng will be a little island

SCENE: Spy – B. Church – warns Hutch and Gage but says Sam has locked the reps in until they vote. Gage ready to send royal army. H – tries to stop that.

SCENE: Revere and Tommy Dawes warning countryside, farmers picking up rifles and hiding behind stone walls

Crisis (Play’s main question)

EXT. ROADS/INTERCUT – DAY

Sam fleeing Brit army from Lexington/Concord and Hutchinson in carriage with daughter, going from his home to shipped to England – will Sam or Hutch achieve their goal?

Climax Ultimate expression of the conflict; The Test. This is the ultimate expression of the conflict. Face to face with the Antagonist for the ultimate fight! This is an impossible situation that the Hero can only win with the change they have made in their lives. It is the ultimate expression of the New Ways.

EXT. CROSSROADS – DAY

Sam and Hutchinson meet at a crossroads. Sam damns H for calling out army against the people. Dares him when he reaches London to lie to Parliament and King about Americans. Hutchinson claims he has never lied. Tried to protect. Confrontation reveals:

-Despite his denials before, Sam never felt it was realistic to have elected reps in Parl…

-H despite his attempts to enforce the laws of Parl, knew they jst wanted Amer tax money and were unfair to colonist

(Sam will bring about a war he didn’t want, fail to get Parliament to listen to colonists’ need for their full rights as British citizens; and Hutch will not win his goal of keeping colonies/Mother Country loyal and united, but wins what he didn’t realize he needed – reconnection with his love for the simplicity and ideas of colonists.)

Resolution 9 The change has been made or tested. We now see the new status quo of the Hero.

SCENE A-

Genl Gage and Brit Commissioner Robinson offerd H lots of goodies in England as they send him off on ship to tell King… he turns them down. Commissioner says when hes in London he’ll b glad to have them -and more;

Or

SCENE B-

H in England surrounded by Brit aristocrats, trying to groom him for his meeting with king. He refuses – tries to defend Americans… alone and surrounded by fops.

Question – end with him with King?

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Transformational Events

What I learned from doing this assignment:

Very useful to focus early on what causes the transformation… and how important it is to track the transformation of a character and to find or build events that provoke that transformation step by step, more and more strongly. Before this assignment, I think I was just assuming that the transformation was an automatic part of the story arc from goals to climax and character’s achievement of original goal or failing but getting what they really need, not what they think they need. To build in ideas for all the elements of structure in each Assignment, I need to 1) After the Character Profiles and Interviews and before itemizing the dramatic elements in each act, I need to come up with at least a rough story line for the acts. Otherwise I’m just making stuff up in a vacuum and can’t keep flipping back and forth to remind myself of all the other pieces. Not sure the SU system can handle a table so I will develop a template later.

~~~

The Assignment:

Using the list of Old Ways and New Ways, point to changes that need to be made for the character. Brainstorm dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character. Add these transformational events (Specific events in the story that force the character to either face that the Old Ways don’t work or cause them to step out of the box and use the New Ways.) to your four act structure. Sequence the steps from easiest to most difficult. This will imply the journey the character takes.

~~~

Old Ways: Order is more important than freedom. Although the government promises all people the right to vote for one’s own representatives to make laws, H agrees with Parliament that the less educated and poorer citizens do not qualify to vote, would be too ignorant to determine who understands the democratic system and who, if elected, will become a tyrant. He believes societies need wealthy and influential people to guide, control and make laws for the lower sorts in order to maintain order. Anyone disagreeing is a threat to order and therefore leaders must repress protesters.

~~~

Changes Needed: (Some)

· Reconnect with his own love of the simplicity of American colonists over aristocratic dominance and foppery

· Stop accepting criticism and shame of himself as truth about his weaknesses… and stop seeing any disagreements with his leadership as threats to government security… and another stop – stop hearing criticism of govt as criticism of himself personally

· Overcome fear of losing financial security for himself and others in family

· Listen to learn from people rather than dismissing them, telling them answers

· See people’s individual value as unrelated to education and wealth or lack of it

· Value justice and equal rights over personal security, wealth and prestige

· Shift from identifying with establish family to identifying with liberty loving country

~~~

4-Act Structure – Story Line Summary and Transformational Events

Instructions: Sequence the steps from easiest to most difficult. This will imply the journey the character takes. Brainstorm dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character. Add these transformational events to your four act structure. (Note to me: to keep time on this down, I am not revising the thoughts down to clear phrases as in the examples from movies in the assignment. Clean it up mentally later by making the “events” clear, concise event highlights)

Act 1: 25 to 30 pages — Set up and see Old Ways.

Brief Overview: H meets Brit official when his ship docks in Boston on Pope’s Day. Introduces him to merchants, warns him about radicals and protects him from gangs.

Transformational Event:

· Although H is totally supportive of the arriving royal guest’s insistence on hierarchical aristocratic rules and styles, when the guest ridicules the simplicity of townspeople and the silliness of even the poorest clamoring to have a say in government and elect their leaders, H tries, very gently to stand up for his people – H is first non-American appointed by the King to govern Massachusetts Bay Colony.

Act 2: 20 to 30 pages — Challenge the Old Ways

Brief Overview: Protests grow, H handles them until the attack him, destroy his home.

Transformational Events:

· At a peaceful protest against the Stamp Act, H is ready to arrest Sam and Sons of Liberty but Sam forces him to realize and accept the protest is peaceful and allowed by the Mother Country’s laws.

· When two weeks later drunken mobs rage at him, destroy his home and everything in it including the history of Massachusetts H was writing, H is almost killed because he refuses to leave his doorstep, but his daughter and his slave Andrew save him. Maybe he rages against Sam but finds out from crazed Otis that Sam is trying to take over the gangs as a way to use them and control their violence. H refuses to believe Sam is trying to stop mob violence

· H has difficulty getting reps in the House of Commons and House of Lords to provide real support, not just ridicule, contempt, and recommendations to hang them all as an example. H tries to stand up for the people because radicals like Sam have manipulated them… to counter rumors that loyalists got the mobs drunk to make the radicals look bad.

Act 3: 20 to 30 pages — With Midpoint change, Profound moments that give us new ways

Brief Overview: Soldiers arrive. H greets. S mocks. Massacre. Both H and S trying to calm. Meeting – evict soldiers- H agrees. Realizes just people, his people, should listen… will try to stand up for them even if he loses. New tactic – win everyone over, isolate Sam… until Tea then people back with Sam and teapartying.

Transformational Events:

· H sees the roughness of soldiers on the people, even before the Massacre – after soldiers kill 5 people, he feels sorrow for the families, has to acknowledge that Sam and radicals are using the incident but also grieving too

· When the townspeople come to demand he remove the troops, he sees the callous lack of interest in the British royal appointees and American loyalists/Tories. He fights the townspeople down strongly… they all back away, except Sam. Who challenges him to focus on the people not on the aristocrats…

· To the horror of leadership, H overrules them and commands the two regiments leave the city for a fort outside. He has reconnected with his fellow townspeople

Act 4: 25 pages — Test the change in this character! Prove New Ways!

Brief Overview Before Climax: H hears from spy of Sam’s plot to vote in illegal assembly to send reps to new colonial congress in Phil. H knows if Mass goes, all will but if Mass does not, no others will. Fights General Gage sending out troops to Lex/Concord to arrest all in illegal convention and protect weapons stored. Gage ridicules H attempts to keep it (Sub: Otis totally mad, carted out of Boston in a strait jacket)

Transformational Events:

As he tries to stop a full military mobilization against the illegal assembly, H becomes even more aware of the arrogance of his fellow loyalists/tories and the consistent focus of radicals on laws that should protect British citizens even when they live in America. Remembers his own beliefs in democratic rights when he was fighting the even more privilege loving French in Canada.

(He tries to find an alternative to the army, fighting General Gates – just lock the illegal reps in their room, not send many troops into the countryside in a parade. And quietly move troops to guard the weapon storage. H is afraid heavy army moves will just recruit for the radicals. Tries to explain what colonists are upset about, based on original charter from the Mother Country.)

New Ways: Freedom is more important than order. H realizes he was wrong to try to keep colonies united with the Mother Country. He now values the right for anyone to vote for representatives who will make decisions, pass laws and levy taxes that impact their lives. He has stopped judging character based on wealth, education or influence. He can see the value of each human being. He is surrounded by powerful people giving his old arguments for restricting the vote only to educated influential people but although too late, H understands why the Americans he thought were destructive radicals were right to protect those rights – and he wonders if he could have prevented war if he had stood with them.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

What I learned from doing this assignment:

Not a short assignment. I had trouble coming up with details within acts – realized I needed first to sketch out the main story of each act, at least a vision of what part of the story, in general, each act was driving. Maybe because I’m writing one with some historical events so I needed to figure out which could go where. Or there’s a step missing where we describe in 1-3 sentences what part of the story each act includes… so that we can then put the answers to each structural element in context. Or maybe I just over complicate story and characters.

I also learned that I don’t remember details when I am thinking cognitively and therefore needed to see past decisions from Assignments 1-4, in order to build 5… A difference between intellectually choosing something to fit a structural element like The Plan vs responding to a more general question like the ones in assignments 1-4) Then the story flows into the structure elements, just triggered by a question. And the questions and structure really help me streamline and focus – and come up with actions as interesting and interrelated.

Summary of Prework and Assignment 1 (I needed to see them as I riff this assignment – and edited as I copied them)

Main Conflict: Save liberty by maintaining order even if that means giving special privileges to some, not others vs. save liberty by insisting on equal rights for all, even if that means disrupting order

· Hutchinson wants people to follow all rules, even if that means giving up some rights, in order to keep their nation united – because it has the most liberty in the world

· Sam Adams wants people to demand everyone gets equal rights, even if that means fighting or seceding from their nation – because it needs to find ways to build in more liberty

Old Ways: Order is more important than freedom.

Although the government promises all people the right to vote for one’s own representatives to make laws, the less educated and poorer citizens do not qualify to vote and need wealthy and influential people to guide, control and make laws for them in order to maintain order. Anyone disagreeing is a threat to order and therefore leaders must repress protesters.

New Ways: Freedom is more important than order.

The government must give each individual the same rights to vote for representatives who will make decisions and laws that impact their lives, regardless of wealth, education or influence. Anyone trying to restrict the vote is a threat to freedom and therefore citizens must make demands even if disruptive.

The Acts (I needed to visualize a high level story arc for each Act before I could see answers to the structural sub-items for each act in context of what was happening.)

Act 1: 25 to 30 pages — Set up and see the Old Ways:

Brief Overview: H meets Brit official when his ship docks in Boston on Pope’s Day. Introduces, warns and protects him.

Structural elements:

Opening: (Introduce us to the lead characters in action. Show us the Old Ways as their natural way of being; Set us up for the journey that starts with the Inciting Incident)

Pope’s Day – Hutchinson greets, apologizes for arrival date – probably crew… mobs with their carts, fighting British vs French war… Hutch guiding very foppy British royal customs official through mobs at dock.. and encounters with gang leaders, Hancock, merchants Tories… Sam as son of man fighting with Hutch own father… Hutch -hopes each time Brit is disgusted or impressed but these colonials need better style – Gangs see Hutch and suddenly very polite. Class.. Hutch thanks them – hears Sam mutter they have as much value in little fingers as someone who…

As he introduces, H is planning/pointing out which colonials in his family will get royal appointments -no interviews needed, H knows colony

Inciting Incident: (This is the call to go on the journey. It creates the opportunity to live outside the box and take on the New Ways.)

Volatile James Otis bursts in yelling against tax to his protegee Sam Adams and rushes to Hutch to demand him arrested. Hutchinson stands up for his fellow colonialists but gets put down and reassures them he will handle colonists even if he is first Amer gov. (Note: Throughout Otis becomes more and more insane as he mirrors and tries to reconcile both Hutchinson’s love of order and Sam’s love of freedom)

Turning Point: (Lock in the journey. There is no going back from here.)

Brit Commissioner agrees to make the appointments and keep Hutch as gov as long as Hutch can handle them – memories of Boston driving out a past gov. But threatens H with loss of position and wealth and widespread shaming if H fails to control them.

Act II: 20 to 30 pages — Challenge the Old Ways:

Brief Overview: Protests grow, H handles them until the attack him, destroy his home.

Structural elements:

Reaction (They are now outside the box. It is uncomfortable, maybe unbearable. But the Hero can’t go back. They must move forward in some way.):

H hates the mobs but most of all the mob masters, feels lost all – home, book… his daughter, family – wants to do everything for family – didn’t do enough for wife before she died. Doesn’t want to take control of colonists and become exactly like the royal governors. Had hoped to be a gov they like but must take on the responsibility.

The Plan (With every step, they use their Old Ways, but they don’t work)

H will just let protests go and focus on winning over the wealthy, despite the tax….Sam proud of people… All seems okay, safe but the plan in action:

Plan in Action: (Those Old Ways are challenged from lightly to heavily.)

Attempt to buy people doesn’t work. Peaceful protests doesn’t work – drinking, mobs destroy H home, almost kill him. He stands up in front of them alone while Sam is trying to calm them from behinds

Next plan: (Remember, all it takes to challenge the Old Ways is to simply have them not work. You don’t need to have the characters lecture them or directly spell out their Old Ways in dialogue. For now, just create a list of attempts to solve the problem or to make themselves feel better… then have those actions fail or make things worse.)

H forgives merchants who apologize for burning of H house, gather them around him as fellow American-born British citizens. And decides to rule by building consensus – and secretly call for army to protect against mobs and mob leaders

Midpoint/Turning Point: Turning Point 2: (MIDPOINT: The journey is still moving in the same direction, but the meaning has changed in a big way that shifts reality. It could be any of these:

The forces of antagonism are 10 times bigger than we thought.Reality has changed (The Matrix). We’re through the looking glass.The whole first half of the movie was a con.They discover who has been betraying them.Everything they based their success on is wrong!

Whatever shift you choose, it completely disrupts the Hero’s reality.)

Sam finds out about H request for army, damning rebels. Tells the world that H not friend, cannot trust him, just wants his money, titles and power to give others royal appointments. H is shamed and mortified. Merchants leave, British threaten to strip him.

Shifts: H feels alone, deserted, failure and worse, hypocritical spy against fellow colonists… he loved them, gave his life to writing their history… now hated. (Sub: Otis, half mad, runs in pledging loyalty and damning Sam one minute, demanding the head of King George on a platter then next.)

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Character Interviews – Assignment 4.

What I learned from this assignment: I dreaded it. When I first read it, I thought, oh no, a let’s pretend assignment… what a waste of time. But I remember Hal telling us to just accept and go with the plan. I was really wrong! This assignment not just informed me about my characters but immediately helped me hear their voice, feel inside their heads, see each of them through the other’s eyes. I could have done this in an objective theoretical synopsis of who’s who if we had been just asked to describe our characters. But by asking us to settle back and interview – suddenly the two people burst into my mind, effing alive and talking, even toying with me.

QUESTIONS FOR PROTAGONIST: Thomas Hutchinson

Tell me about yourself.

TH: Bernard Bailyn told you all you need to know in his book about me. He gave you the green light and said he had always hoped for this. The mobs burned my writings – why bother trying to tell you who I am and how I spent hours, years, writing? Or telling you wat a good governor I was of the colony in the years before everything blew up into a war.

– What are you most proud of?

TH: My sons and daughters – their mother would be proud. But most people damn them as spoiled, living off jobs I got for them. I was just trying to be a good father. Their mother died too young. I also would be very proud of history I wrote about the colony of Massachusetts Bay – but the mobs burned it before I finished.

– You sound bitter.

TH: Who wouldn’t? Everything I did, I was just loyal to the very liberty they wanted. I just didn’t want violence. Or demands that could not be met so could only cause chaos, undermine our government. The empires of France and Spain were salivating.

What do you want to accomplish?

TH: Keep the colonies united with Great Britain – because GB is the only nation with an organized government where both the wealthy and the common people can vote on what affects their lives. And our monarch must follow certain rules. Every other nation in the world – among civilized ones – has a king or queen who can choose to work for the benefit of the people, but if not, there are no laws to control the tyrant.

–Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?

TH: I was willing to confront the mobs and their radical puppet masters. Willing to stand up for liberty, even if my home and all my books and writings burned to the ground. Even if I died in the flames. With my life’s work. But my daughter forced me to leave before that happened.

You are up against Sam Adams. What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you?

TH: The people love him. They don’t see how manipulative, cunning, destructive he is. He preaches about liberty and they follow him, Whatever he puts in the people’s ears comes out of their mouths. Puppetmaster.

In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?

TH: I may not save the unity of the colonies with our Mother Country. As a time traveller, you already know how that worked out. But win or lose, I will NEVER change.

— But if you had to -?.

TH: I will never give up my commitment to the orderly beauty of the Mother Country.

–Give me a break – At least tell me what changes would you refuse to make? And which would be the hardest?

TH: You want to say I would give in to the mob and the cabal of radical leaders who wanted power for themselves.

— I’m not asking you to give up your commitment to keeping the colonies loyal and united to the Mother Country. But what if to achieve that goal you would have to change something about yourself?

TH: You’re badgering me.

–No, just interviewing you. Maybe one change you need to make is stop being so defensive.

TH: That’s your view. Not mine.

–We’ll be here all day and use up all the energy you need to go back through the wormhole. Just give me one of the most difficult change syou would need to make to achieve your goal and—

TH: Tell them I understand they are also trying to save democracy.

–Would you mean it?

TH: Yes, damn it. Now leave me alone.

What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?

TH: I failed. I couldn’t let go.

— Of what…?

TH: You’re so impudent. Disrespectful.

–Let go of…?

TH: Not listening to them. I was sure they were just spouting about liberty in order to take power from me. Then people would see who’s the real tyrant. Their beloved revolutionaries, calling for people’s liberty just to rule them with tyrannical

What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?

TH: That people would think I had caved out of fear. Or worse, actually belive the mobs can elect their own leaders in fair elections and govern themselves decently.

What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?

TH: I thought I was well-suited to face this conflict with Mr. Adams and his mobs because I am the only Governor of the colony who was born in America but also have the education and family background to appreciate the unique liberty we have in our Parliamentary government.

What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?

TH: You know how Sam Adams carries on about being proud to be poor? about loving the yeomanry as if they have all the qualities of educated, civilized people? About not wanting fame or fortune? All his rabble-rousing slogans? Carrying on like that works – turns every uneducated brute into a philosopher sounding like sophisticated political Leveller.

Lord knows if he really believes that nonsense. But he’s set such a low bar, everyone claiming they love simplicity of poverty that I can’t tell the truth – I really enjoy the privileges and luxurious of life. Of course it’s unfair if only a few have that. But that’s life. Unfortunately I can’t tell anyone that I really love the privileges. And, btw, I may be Anglican. I may think the fundamentalist Congregational ministers are hypocrites and ruining the true Anglican rituals with their authoritarian rigidities. But I agree with those Puritans about one truth – wealth is a sign that we have earned our privileges and the poor just should have studied and worked harder.

What do you really think of Mr. Adams?

TH: Basically? Satan – masked as an advocate for the people. Just read Judge Peter Oliver’s book – quote him, you quote me.

Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

TH: Fairly simple. After the Mother Country won the 7 year’s war that saved the thirteen American colonies from the French and protected our tea and spice trade with India, we had many war debts we had to repay so Parliament passed a tariff on some imports and a tax on transactions in the colonies. But selfish greedy American merchants refused to pay the tariffs, becoming smugglers, hiding their profits in their homes. So of course our customs officers had to get the profits back. And the colonists refused to pay the stamp tax. Greedy merchants joined with manipulative radicals, at first just a cabal in Massachusetts and Virginia but soon spreading throughout the colonies.

These evil radicals manipulated the people turning them against us. My home with all my belongings and my writings was burned to the ground by mobs protesting the stamp tax, the property of shipping merchants was destroyed in what they called a “tea party.” The radicals spread lies about us so more and more colonists mistrusted our government. And when we sent in our government’s troops to maintain order, farmers shot at the soldiers of their own government.

Throughout all this, I tried to fight the evil lies and awaken colonists to the beauty of our government, the only nation in the world to have self-govt… so while the mobs were howling for liberty, they were tearing down not just decent people’s homes but also the nation with the most liberty in the world.

What does it do for your life if you succeed here?

TH: You know I didn’t. But, if I had, I might become president or prince of the colonies united together under King George III. I would be praised in your times as you praise your President Abe Lincoln – and you probably would have avoided a civil war because Parliament was going to end slavery

Later will ask any other questions about their character profile that will help you.

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR ANTAGONIST – Sam Adams

Tell me about yourself.

SA: Just a bankrupt brewer. I earn a small fee when I’m elected to our House of Representatives. Devoted husband to my wife Betsy – my second wife – and my son and daughter. The Lord called their mother, my beloved first wife, home. But Betsy raised our children as her own. I made money for a while as a tax collector but I didn’t have the heart to force money from people who were struggling. You know, after we beat the French and their Indians after the 7 years war, there was a post war depression. And a small pox. The people were in trouble. Our royal governor Thomas Hutchinson claimed I stole the taxes. Any one in Boston who knew me, knew I would never steal.

Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?

SA: What strengths are needed by anyone who loves liberty? – willingness to do anything needed to make sure people have an equal say in decisions that impact their lives. Weaknesses? Can any of us really be aware of my failings?

– Give me one weakness you might have.

SA: If I’m really honest with myself, I guess, it’s my irritation. When someone really doesn’t understand threats to liberty even when they are obvious. But I try never to show that irritation. I just have to keep asking questions to help them think through the challenges we are facing and remember why democracy matters. They usually come around.

Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change?

SA: Hutchinson is helping King and Parliament deprive colonists of our rights as British citizens. When we or our forefathers boarded the ships to come here, they never gave up those rights. But now, tax by tax, law by law, the Lords of Parliament are turning us into their indentured servants. I still hope members of the House of Commons, maybe even some Lords will listen to us and stop the threats to our li berty. Hutchinson change? Never! He would have t admit that our rights as British citizens are being stolen away. As an American born in Boston, he must realize that is what is happening regardless of his pontificating… but if he speaks the truth he might lose his royal appointment and all its perks. He’d never give up his luxuries and privileges!

What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?

SA: What do we get out of living in a democracy? In our Charter from England, the people who sailed to American kept their right to vote for their own leaders not be ruled by tyrants. In our Congregational church, we vote for our ministers and leaders. In our Town Meetings, the people vote on issues that will impact their lives. Why does any of this freedom matter? As you say, “What do we get out of living in a society where we join to govern ourselves together? What do you think we get out of living with the freedom to live fully – in control of our lives? Some might say what we get is full life… maybe Life itself.

What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?

SA: Sorry, I thought I just explained that.

— I was wondering about what drives you to risk your life personally, not just for politics.

SA: For me politics is our personal life. Politics determines whether or not we can live freely or in fear of a dictator’s control and wrath. But personally? My father took me to meetings when he was trying to help farmers form a bank wher they could use land to make purchases not just money. My mother believed we are here to learn to follow Jesus, bring his love and compassion into our lives. And when I was young, a preacher came to town. Put up a big tent. Inspired hundreds of us to live in simplicity. Learn what has true value while we are living in this physical world. Instead of trying for fame and fortune in the material world that has no meaning when we go to God, see material baubles for what they are. At best nothing. At worst, weapons for making a few people think they are better than everyone else.

Like our royal governor Thomas Hutchinson. He and his family think they deserve power. Not just because they have inherited glittering gold and other objects. But also because they have the luck to have a privileged education when others have none or had to work rather than go to school. High pay from the royal treasure chest and special credit to buy land and own ships… when most slave away for pennies and can barely keep their children nourished, warm and skilled. I risk danger, ruin and early death because I do not want to spend my time on this earth just feeding myself and my family. I want to use the time I am here to help others gain equal opportunities to live fully.

What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity?

SA: To succeed first of all I must keep everyone’s secrets – build trust. Unless someone’s secrets are hurting others. I had to expose Governor Hutchinson’s secret dealings with Parliament – calling us violent mobs when we were just protesting our loss of rights as British citizens… telling Parliament he needs the military to protect decent citizens from the mobs. The mobs… that’s another story. That gets to my biggest secret – until all people can get a good education, we cannot really trust the many to make good decisions. They are too easily swayed by lies from people in power. Or by alcohol – I’m getting the mobs to understand the importance of acting like free, responsible citizens. But I realize they terrified Hutchinson. So my secret? Well one secret is I felt very sad when Hutchinson’s house burned down, not – but I had to do what I had to do. Get closer to the mobs. That’s part of my biggest secret – I realized we had to get closer to the mobs that tore his house down, not damn them or distance myself and the struggle for liberty further away from them. We had to embrace them… to control them. That’s my secret. Actually my shame. That to win freedom I must – ah, I don’t want to say “manipulate” – Hutchinson calls me a manipulator… What’s a better word…? “Guide” people to make what I know are the right decisions. Help them see the right actions. “Guide” is a better description. More accurate.

Do I keep secrets out of fear and insecurity? I certainly keep secret my need to “influence” decisions by the people in Boston’s Town Meeting, in the Massachusetts House of Representatives, in our conferences with al colonies. I definitely fear losing all my influence if they find out that my questions are usually a series of questions that guide people to understand what I know they must do t protect their freedom. Or what’s left of it.

Secrets because of my personal fears or insecurities? I encourage others to take the stage. Usually for good reasons. The wealthy Southerners feel much more comfortable with John Hancock, knowing he’s the wealthiest man in Massachusetts thanks to his inheritance from his childless uncle. At least until they get to know him better. But maybe I give the stage to others not out of respect or generosity – I’m not a very charismatic speaker. I know that. In fact, I’m quite middling. I’m okay if I just look in people’s eyes, ask questions to get them thinking and talking. And I write news articles and petitions – but under pseudonyms or documents signed by many… I’m basically very middling. Not a firebrand like the people I work with – including my firey wife. You’ll meet her.

Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?

What makes me special? Back to my secret. Most people leading our struggle to keep our rights as British citizens talk. They lecture. They talk like preachers or warriors. They carry on and on. And people praise them as leaders. Me? I’m quiet. I listen. I ask questions – not just for information – the questions I mentioned that guide thinking and action. And instead of praising me, the people celebrate themselves and their ability to make their own decisions, take action.

What do you think of Thomas Hutchinson?

SA: I’m sure you know the answer to that by now. But I’ll be direct. I can be direct. When I’m off duty. I think Thomas Hutchinson is a typical human being. He wants comfort, security and enough wealth to have whatever he wants. Nothing wrong with that – except when the privilege and power comes at the expense of fellow human beings.

I can understand his needs. His grandmother was a lively hero. Created her own religion, took followers from Massachusetts to Rhode Island for what she considered freedom from Puritans. Escaped Indian attacks. So her children and their children right down to Hutchinson wanted to be safe. And most of what Hutchinson has done to give away our rights as free British citizens, he did to get positions, money and security not just for himself, his children and his relatives. But he seems to be unaware that in the process he is putting his fellow Americans at risk of losing our rights and liberties as British citizens. Right now he is destroying our right to govern ourselves, a gift that has grown ever since the Magna Carta was signed in the year of our Lord twelve hundred fifteen. After more than 500 years of British liberties, Thomas Hutchinson, a fellow American born in Boston is giving away our liberties to the order and Commoners of Parliament.

Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

SA: Simple, logical: Americans came to these shores with charters from the King of our nation, granting us the right to govern ourselves. For decades, we have ruled ourselves by electing representatives to make our laws and levy taxes through our colonial assemblies.

Suddenly Parliament wants to start taxing us – a first step to taking away all our liberties. And our first American born royal governor, Thomas Hutchinson, is helping the destruction of our liberty because of his own lust for fame and fortune. As my own guide and mentor, James Otis, said, before his brilliant mind went mad: “Taxation without representation is tyranny!”

Every time Hutchinson supports Parliament’s next move against us, I will do whatever I can to destroy him.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: left out end of a sentence
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: called my main character by a different name, would confuse me if I reread

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Anntares’ Character Profile Part 2 for Lesson 3, 30-Day Course

What I learned doing this assignment: As I applied the 7 characteristics, my characters became so much richer and their personalities became integrated with the story. I find the definitions of some of the 7 Part 2 very helpful. Some I knew because of previous courses with SU and others…. But new definitions/connections for me –

· Subtext: I never thought about creating a character’s way of expressing hidden meanings/purpose/goal in what they are saying – I usually thought of subtext as an aspect of dialog, e.g. what do they really want or fear that they are not saying? Vs How to they try to hide their real feelings or goals.

· Irony: I previously thought of this as an action that contrasts with some other goal, value, belief, event, etc. Really like SU definition for character profiles – “Opposing parts of a person that cause internal or external conflict. Two opposite parts work together in a meaningful way.”

· Right for Role: I never thought about why a type of character would be right for the role of hero, villain, authority, etc.

Character Profile/Protag Thomas Hutchinson – two parts brought together

Part 1, revised/enhanced

Protagonist’s role: Hero. Royal Governor Thomas Hutchinson of the British colony of Massachusetts Bay is devoted to the Mother Country because England has the only nation in the world of nations ruled by kings, tyrants and dictators that is founded, since the Magna Carta, on rule by elected representatives in Parliament’s House of Lords and House of Commons gives both the wealthy and all others the right elect their own representatives and have a say in what impacts their lives… so he will crush the attempts of any mobs and their extremist leaders to undermine British laws and destroy the unity for their own selfish, raging reasons. Besides, it takes weeks or months to cross the Atlantic so representatives cannot be in England and inform their constituents about votes. Instead the system for appointing one colonial representative who virtually represents the American colonies is the only practical way to give colonists self-government.

Age range and Description: 50s, Widowed. Elegant.

Internal Journey: From arrogant assumption that only someone from his background from “good” family, wealth, education and government experience can govern the people that, after being smothered with attention by the much more wealthy powerful people of London, his story leads to his despairing realization that the people he saw only as unruly mobs had real concerns that he should have listened to and a true love of democracy that he dismissed as insincere.

External Journey: From a leader fighting to save democracy and who would be praised like an Abe Lincoln for keeping the colonies united with Great Britain if he had won to his failure and being evacuated from the home and country he loves to London’s high society that he finds disgustingly self-centered…

Motivation: Mainly his desire to make sure his family remains a dominant and influential recipient of royal appointments to government positions so his sons will have a good life and his daughters will marry well. And to help his brothers, cousins and other family members also stay in power and get appointed to administer whatever policies the Mother Country requires, e.g., import tariffs and sales taxes.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”><b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Wound:<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Since childhood, helping his father lead the colony, he has faced only jealousy and hatred from the townspeople of Boston – who praise his father’s enemy and son – the father of Sam Adams. He wants people to like his loyalty, his desire to document Massachusetts colonial history for all citizens to know and remember. Unappreciated.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”><b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mission/Agenda: To expose and destroy radicals like Sam Adams who are using mob rule to destroy the only nation in the world to have a king who allows elected self-government in Parliament

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”><b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Secret: He knows his defense of Parliament is wrong (that if the colonies have one representative in Parliament, they have self-government virtually) but personally he thinks uneducated working people are too primitive, animal and unthinking to be given the vote, even if voting for representatives in London were possible)

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”><b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>What makes them special? His willingness to risk his comfort and possibly life to fight all the pressures, political/economic forces and personal relationships leading to a war – and his sincere love of self-government through elected representatives, a rare structure in the 1770s, even if he limits who is educated and responsible enough to be allowed to vote. As shown in his careful writing of the full history of Massachusetts (that mobs will destroy), we can love his love of the colonies, the spirit of freedom in the American experiment, starting with his grandmother Anne Hutchinson who started her own religion and survived Native American attacks… and at the end, we can love how the truly rich and privileged nobility in London disgusts him, makes him long for the simplicity, directness and basic respect for the poor he knew but did not value in his Massachusetts colony.

Part 2

What draws us to this character? We know he’s the bad guy but he’s charming, smooth as he hurts people. And he means well. Doesn’t mean to drive protesters to become revolutionaries. oops

Traits: Polite, regal, quick to take offense, supportive of his family and slave, wants approval and obedience to prove he is respected but too cool to show it

Subtext: When he feels disrespected, he does not engage. He imposes rules and authority.

Flaw: Can’t listen to people he disagrees with. Defensiveness – he interprets any apparent criticism as a personal attack

Values: Honoring tradition, order over chaos, reputation, security (financial/government), caring for family by getting privileges for them, not just for himself (titles, wealth, influence, respected authority – his grandmother fled Native wars, was a headstrong level that put her family in jeopardy)Irony: Despite his strong love of tradition and order, he loved the English rebellions against kings that led to the creation of the first nation with government by elected reps… but he cannot accept demands of colonists for some form that will allow election of reps to tax people. Love of the order of monarchy/Parliament but wants people’s approval. More personal/emotional – belief in leaders ruling people but appreciation of people electing their own … that’s still external. Courage to take an unpopular stand vs Fear of not being popular

· What makes this the right character for this role? To tell the story of Americans who were loyal to King and Parliament, a character who is not from England, was born and raised in the colony… and, although people think he only cares about money and position, we get to know him as a loving father, thoughtful, trying to do the best for the colonies. A good hero as Protagonist who is interesting because his actions are those of the “villains” in the story.

~~~

Character Profile/Antag – Sam Adams– two parts brought together

Part 1, revised/enhanced

Antagonist’s role: Authority. Sam Adams believes in the original charter from England to the settlers of his colony that guaranteed the right to elect representatives so the colonial settlers could govern themselves and make laws, like taxes, through the representatives of the people – and he is determined to crush any royal appointee who dares deprive colonists of their right to have a say in decisions affecting their lives.’’**

Age range and Description: early 60s, vital, quiet, asks questions more than he speaks… but has often met privately with people to ensure their answers before asked publicly; ironic sense of humor – e.g. when the British move soldiers in, he praises them for saving colonists from Indians although he didn’t realize there were still attacks on Boston.

Internal Journey: From joyful, loving support of every person’s equal rights to self-government to his despairing realization that he, like Hutchinson earlier, must enforce order when people’s anger becomes so strong that they cannot listen to facts and they become violent against the government

External Journey: From radical leader for the people, demanding fairness when the government overtaxes them to emerge from a post-war depression… to new government leader suppressing a rebellion from indebted veterans (during another post-war depression) who were his friends in the build up to the war… they accuse him of becoming no different than Hutchinson now that he is in power

Motivation: Deep commitment to giving each human being full respect and participation in self government, not just from Magna Carta and the Cromwellian revolution in Britain in late 1600s, but also starting with his mother’s strong religious commitment to Congregational Church where every member votes for the minister, to his support of his father’s attempt to let the poor use land as currency – an attempt to form a “land bank” that Hutchinson’s father and Hutchinson squelched.

Wound: Disrespect shown for his father, a beer brewer, from Hutchinson and other wealthy merchants – and his own mother’s disrespect for politics, attempt to force him to be a pastor in order to get her respect. He wants people to like his loyalty, his desire to document Massachusetts colonial history for all citizens to know and remember. Unappreciated.

Mission/Agenda: Midwife a new society where every person participates in a self-governing equal society.

Secret: He claims he wants people to govern themselves as equals but he wants to control how they think and make decisions.

What makes him special: His real love for people, regardless of their backgrounds; his quiet behind the scenes strategizing and mobilizing without wanting fame or fortune; his consistency and courage in taking a stand for equal rights even if it gets him at top of a king’s hanging list.

Part 2

What draws us to this character? Sense of humor; Quiet strategic power without any signs of typical ego needs for power… but has the power to outwit authorities, galvanize the wealthy to join with the poor, merge people from different classes and backgrounds to work together even if they do not like each other. We witness true power and gradually learn that there is ego, just not what we are used to – the pride of being ready to sacrifice everything to regain elected self government and other values of the British Constitution.

Traits: Listens a lot, asks more questions than gives answers

Subtext: When disagreeing, he asks questions that corner the other person into seeing what he wants the person to believe or understand… but rarely states what he wants when negotiating. May ask questions that seem innocuous but uses them to sting.

Flaw: Wants people to want what he wants, says he’s for people’s self government but finds unique ways to control them.

Values: Respect for fellow human beings regardless of wealth, education, ethnicity; Married love and family; Prefers poverty to getting privileges for himself/family; people’s accomplishments for the good of others not their wealth or titlesIrony: Seems quiet, passive because he listens and asks questions so seems to be in background but is pro-actively shaping how people answer his questions and what they do next

What makes this the right character for this role? Making Sam the Antag avoids the problem that stopped me from writing this play for a few years – if he is Protag, we all know his story… but if we see him through the loyalists’ eyes and fears, he becomes more interesting. And Sam was an authority on all things legal but not pedantic – he was hanging out with mobs and plotters in taverns.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Anntares’ Character Profile Part 2 for Lesson 3, 30-Day Course

What I learned doing this assignment: As I applied the 7 characteristics, my characters became so much richer and their personalities became integrated with the story. I find the definitions of some of the 7 Part 2 very helpful. Some I knew because of previous courses with SU and others…. But new definitions/connections for me –

Subtext: I never thought about creating a character’s way of expressing hidden meanings/purpose/goal in what they are saying – I usually thought of subtext as an aspect of dialog, e.g. what do they really want or fear that they are not saying? Vs How to they try to hide their real feelings or goals.

Irony: I previously thought of this as an action that contrasts with some other goal, value, belief, event, etc. Really like SU definition for character profiles – “Opposing parts of a person that cause internal or external conflict. Two opposite parts work together in a meaningful way.”
Right for Role: I never thought about why a type of character would be right for the role of hero, villain, authority, etc.

Character Profile/Protag Thomas Hutchinson – two parts brought together

Part 1, revised/enhanced

Protagonist’s role: Hero. Royal Governor Thomas Hutchinson of the British colony of Massachusetts Bay is devoted to the Mother Country because England has the only nation in the world of nations ruled by kings, tyrants and dictators that is founded, since the Magna Carta, on rule by elected representatives in Parliament’s House of Lords and House of Commons gives both the wealthy and all others the right elect their own representatives and have a say in what impacts their lives… so he will crush the attempts of any mobs and their extremist leaders to undermine British laws and destroy the unity for their own selfish, raging reasons. Besides, it takes weeks or months to cross the Atlantic so representatives cannot be in England and inform their constituents about votes. Instead the system for appointing one colonial representative who virtually represents the American colonies is the only practical way to give colonists self-government.

Age range and Description: 50s, Widowed. Elegant.
Internal Journey: From arrogant assumption that only someone from his background from “good” family, wealth, education and government experience can govern the people that, after being smothered with attention by the much more wealthy powerful people of London, his story leads to his despairing realization that the people he saw only as unruly mobs had real concerns that he should have listened to and a true love of democracy that he dismissed as insincere.
External Journey: From a leader fighting to save democracy and who would be praised like an Abe Lincoln for keeping the colonies united with Great Britain if he had won to his failure and being evacuated from the home and country he loves to London’s high society that he finds disgustingly self-centered…
Motivation: Mainly his desire to make sure his family remains a dominant and influential recipient of royal appointments to government positions so his sons will have a good life and his daughters will marry well. And to help his brothers, cousins and other family members also stay in power and get appointed to administer whatever policies the Mother Country requires, e.g., import tariffs and sales taxes.
Wound: Since childhood, helping his father lead the colony, he has faced only jealousy and hatred from the townspeople of Boston – who praise his father’s enemy and son – the father of Sam Adams. He wants people to like his loyalty, his desire to document Massachusetts colonial history for all citizens to know and remember. Unappreciated.
Mission/Agenda: To expose and destroy radicals like Sam Adams who are using mob rule to destroy the only nation in the world to have a king who allows elected self-government in Parliament
Secret: He knows his defense of Parliament is wrong (that if the colonies have one representative in Parliament, they have self-government virtually) but personally he thinks uneducated working people are too primitive, animal and unthinking to be given the vote, even if voting for representatives in London were possible)
What makes them special? His willingness to risk his comfort and possibly life to fight all the pressures, political/economic forces and personal relationships leading to a war – and his sincere love of self-government through elected representatives, a rare structure in the 1770s, even if he limits who is educated and responsible enough to be allowed to vote. As shown in his careful writing of the full history of Massachusetts (that mobs will destroy), we can love his love of the colonies, the spirit of freedom in the American experiment, starting with his grandmother Anne Hutchinson who started her own religion and survived Native American attacks… and at the end, we can love how the truly rich and privileged nobility in London disgusts him, makes him long for the simplicity, directness and basic respect for the poor he knew but did not value in his Massachusetts colony.

Part 2

What draws us to this character? We know he’s the bad guy but he’s charming, smooth as he hurts people. And he means well. Doesn’t mean to drive protesters to become revolutionaires. oops

Traits: Polite, regal, quick to take offence, supportive of his family and slave, wants approval and obedience to prove he is respected but too cool to show it

Subtext: When he feels disrespected, he does not engage. He imposes rules and authority.
Flaw: Can’t listen to people he disagrees with. Defensiveness – he interprets any apparent criticism as a personal attack
Values: Honoring tradition, order over chaos, reputation, security (financial/government), caring for family by getting privileges for them, not just for himself (titles, wealth, influence, respected authority – his grandmother fled Native wars, was a headstrong level that put her family in jeopardy)
Irony: Despite his strong love of tradition and order, he loved the English rebellions against kings that led to the creation of the first nation with government by elected reps… but he cannot accept demands of colonists for some form that will allow election of reps to tax people. Love of the order of monarchy/Parliament but wants people’s approval. More personal/emotional – belief in leaders ruling people but appreciation of people electing their own … that’s still external. Courage to take an unpopular stand vs Fear of not being popular

What makes this the right character for this role? To tell the story of Americans who were loyal to King and Parliament, a character who is not from England, was born and raised in the colony… and, although people think he only cares about money and position, we get to know him as a loving father, thoughtful, trying to do the best for the colonies. A good hero as Protagonist who is interesting because his actions are those of the “villains” in the story.

Character Profile/Antag – Sam Adams– two parts brought together

Part 1, revised/enhanced

Antagonist’s role: Authority. Sam Adams believes in the original charter from England to the settlers of his colony that guaranteed the right to elect representatives so the colonial settlers could govern themselves and make laws, like taxes, through the representatives of the people – and he is determined to crush any royal appointee who dares deprive colonists of their right to have a say in decisions affecting their lives.’’**

Age range and Description: early 60s, vital, quiet, asks questions more than he speaks… but has often met privately with people to ensure their answers before asked publicly; ironic sense of humor – e.g. when the British move soldiers in, he praises them for saving colonists from Indians although he didn’t realize there were still attacks on Boston.
Internal Journey: From joyful, loving support of every person’s equal rights to self-government to his despairing realization that he, like Hutchinson earlier, must enforce order when people’s anger becomes so strong that they cannot listen to facts and they become violent against the government
External Journey: From radical leader for the people, demanding fairness when the government overtaxes them to emerge from a post-war depression… to new government leader suppressing a rebellion from indebted veterans (during another post-war depression) who were his friends in the build up to the war… they accuse him of becoming no different than Hutchinson now that he is in power

Motivation: Deep commitment to giving each human being full respect and participation in self government, not just from Magna Carta and the Cromwellian revolution in Britain in late 1600s, but also starting with his mother’s strong religious commitment to Congregational Church where every member votes for the minister, to his support of his father’s attempt to let the poor use land as currency – an attempt to form a “land bank” that Hutchinson’s father and Hutchinson squelched.
Wound: Disrespect shown for his father, a beer brewer, from Hutchinson and other wealthy merchants – and his own mother’s disrespect for politics, attempt to force him to be a pastor in order to get her respect. He wants people to like his loyalty, his desire to document Massachusetts colonial history for all citizens to know and remember. Unappreciated.
Mission/Agenda: Midwife a new society where every person participates in a self-governing equal society.
Secret: He claims he wants people to govern themselves as equals but he wants to control how they think and make decisions.
What makes him special: His real love for people, regardless of their backgrounds; his quiet behind the scenes strategizing and mobilizing without wanting fame or fortune; his consistency and courage in taking a stand for equal rights even if it gets him at top of a king’s hanging list.

Part 2

What draws us to this character? Sense of humor; Quiet strategic power without any signs of typical ego needs for power… but has the power to outwit authorities, galvanize the wealthy to join with the poor, merge people from different classes and backgrounds to work together even if they do not like each other. We witness true power and gradually learn that there is ego, just not what we are used to – the pride of being ready to sacrifice everything to regain elected self government and other values of the British Constitution.
Traits: Listens a lot, asks more questions than gives answers
Subtext: When disagreeing, he asks questions that corner the other person into seeing what he wants the person to believe or understand… but rarely states what he wants when negotiating. May ask questions that seem innocuous but uses them to sting.
Flaw: Wants people to want what he wants, says he’s for people’s self government but finds unique ways to control them.
Values: Respect for fellow human beings regardless of wealth, education, ethnicity; Married love and family; Prefers poverty to getting privileges for himself/family; people’s accomplishments for the good of others not their wealth or titles
Irony: Seems quiet, passive because he listens and asks questions so seems to be in background but is pro-actively shaping how people answer his questions and what they do next
What makes this the right character for this role? Making Sam the Antag avoids the problem that stopped me from writing this play for a few years – if he is Protag, we all know his story… but if we see him through the loyalists’ eyes and fears, he becomes more interesting. And Sam was an authority on all things legal but not pedantic – he was hanging out with mobs and plotters in taverns.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: I guess Customer Service resolved this because I can copy/paste but I columned delete the entry
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

I cannot paste my assignment. I wrote it on Word. I was able to paste the response in Word for Assignments 1 and 2 but not now for #3. I will contact Help…

Tita Anntares

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Character Profiles Part 1 –

What I learned doing this assignment: I was profoundly amazed at how the Transformation guidelines for Assignment 1 and now these Assignment 2 questions about the characters unleashed all the info that has been stored but inaccessible in my brain cells for years after I researched the War of Independence.

I did the research in before 2009 when a crisis interrupted my life and I wrote a different play, VEILS OF JUSTICE, about that crisis and studed for two years with Screenwritingu to learn to make my writing better. Then I wrote a stage play about a post war rebellion that triggered the uniting of the 13 colonies under one Constitution.

So we’re talking 10 years + … and many attempts to start this story. Writing it in this course as a screen play because films can have many characters… At the end of these 30 days, I may revise it as a stage play with actors taking different parts as story theater (to keep budget for stage play reasonable – even 6 characters plus understudies is a lot these days)

Preliminary Lead Character Profiles

Protagonist’s role: Hero. Royal Governor Thomas Hutchinson of the British colony of Massachusetts Bay is devoted to the Mother Country because England has the only nation in the world of nations ruled by kings, tyrants and dictators that is founded, since the Magna Carta, on rule by elected representatives in Parliament’s House of Lords and House of Commons gives both the wealthy and all others the right elect their own representatives and have a say in what impacts their lives… so he will crush the attempts of any mobs and their extremist leaders to undermine British laws and destroy the unity for their own selfish, raging reasons. Besides, it takes weeks or months to cross the Atlantic so representatives cannot be in England and inform their constituents about votes. Instead the system for appointing one colonial representative who virtually represents the American colonies is the only practical way to give colonists self-government.

Age range and Description: 50s, Widowed. Elegant.

Internal Journey: From arrogant assumption that only someone from his background from “good” family, wealth, education and government experience can govern the people that, after being smothered with attention by the much more wealthy powerful people of London, leads to his despairing realization that the people he saw only as unruly mobs had real concerns that he should have listened to and a true love of democracy that he dismissed as insincere.

External Journey: From a leader fighting to save democracy and who would be praised like an Abe Lincoln for keeping the colonies united with Great Britain if he had won to his failure and being evacuated from the home and country he loves to London’s high society that he finds disgustingly self-centered…

Motivation: Mainly his desire to make sure his family remains a dominant and influential recipient royal appointments to government positions so his sons will have a good life and his daughters will marry well. And to help his brothers, cousins and other family members also stay in power and get appointed to administer whatever policies the Mother Country requires, e.g., import tariffs and sales taxes.

Wound: Since childhood, helping his father lead the colony, he has faced only jealousy and hatred from the townspeople of Boston – who praise his father’s enemy and son – the father of Sam Adams. He wants people to like his loyalty, his desire to document Massachusetts colonial history for all citizens to know and remember. Unappreciated.

Mission/Agenda: To expose and destroy radicals like Sam Adams who are using mob rule to destroy the only nation in the world to have a king who allows elected self-government in Parliament

Secret: He knows his defense of Parliament is wrong (that if the colonies have one representative in Parliament, they have self-government virtually) but personally he thinks uneducated working people are too primitive, animal and unthinking to be given the vote, even if voting for representatives in London were possible)

What makes them special? His willingness to risk his comfort and possibly life to fight all the pressures, political/economic forces and personal relationships leading to a war – and his sincere love of self-government through elected representatives, a rare structure in the 1770s, even if he limits who is educated and responsible enough to be allowed to vote. As shown in his careful writing of the full history of Massachusetts (that mobs will destroy), we can love his love of the colonies, the spirit of freedom in the American experiment, starting with his grandmother Anne Hutchinson who started her own religion and survived Native American attacks… and at the end, we can love how the truly rich and privileged nobility in London disgusts him, makes him long for the simplicity, directness and basic respect for the poor he knew but did not value in his Massachusetts colony.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Antagonist’s role: Authority. Sam Adams believes in the original charter from England to the settlers of his colony that guaranteed the right to elect representatives so the colonial settlers could govern themselves and make laws, like taxes, through the representatives of the people – and he is determined to crush any royal appointee who dares deprive colonists of their right to have a say in decisions affecting their lives.’’**

Age range and Description: early 60s, vital, quiet, asks questions more than he speaks… but has often met privately with people to ensure their answers before asked publically; ironic sense of humor – e.g. when the British move soldiers in, he praises them for saving colonists from Indians although he didn’t realize there were still attacks on Boston.

Internal Journey: From joyful, loving support of every person’s equal rights to self-government to his despairing realization that he, like Hutchinson earlier, must enforce order when people’s anger becomes so strong that they cannot listen to facts and they become violent against the government

External Journey: From radical leader for the people, demanding fairness when the government overtaxes them to emerge from a post-war depression… to new government leader suppressing a rebellion from indebted veterans (during another post-war depression) who were his friends in the build up to the war… they accuse him of becoming no different than Hutchinson now that he is in power

Motivation: Deep commitment to giving each human being full respect and participation in self government, not just from Magna Carta and the Cromwellian revolution in Britain in late 1600s, but also starting with his mother’s strong religious commitment to Congregational Church where every member votes for the minister, to his support of his father’s attempt to let the poor use land as currency – an attempt to form a “land bank” that Hutchinson’s father and Hutchinson squelched.

Wound: Disrespect shown for his father, a beer brewer, from Hutchinson and other wealthy merchants – and his own mother’s disrespect for politics, attempt to force him to be a pastor in order to get her respect.

Mission/Agenda: Midwife a new society where every person participates in a self-governing equal society.

Secret: He claims he wants people to govern themselves as equals but he wants to control how they think and make decisions.

What makes him special: His real love for people, regardless of their backgrounds; his quiet behind the scenes strategizing and mobilizing without wanting fame or fortune; his consistency and courage in taking a stand for equal rights even if it gets him at top of a king’s hanging list.

** Note – I have done years of research and written a stage play about Sam Adams but the play starts in 1781 after the end of the War of Independence when Sam is the new leader then plunges us into a 1785-1787 rebellion by veterans and farmers. This filmscript would start in 1764 and end in 1785 as the post war rebellion starts, led by a farmer/veteran who is his good friend.

Other characters that may be necessary: (I’ll do ages later – historical so have to get the books I’ve researched out)

Supporting characters:

– James Otis Jr., lawyer, who is Sam Adams’ mentor and ignited the colonies’ rebellion but who also loves the order of the Parliamentary system, fears Sam’s mobs and as Hutchinson and Adams battle their way towards 1776, Otis tries to bring them together – and ends up insane, being carted out of Boston in a strait jacket as others gear up for rebellion.

– Betsy Welles Adams, Sam’s supportive, very politically active wife

– Devoted, protective daughter of Hutchinson whose name I forget Andrew – Hutchinson’s loyal Tory African slave who detests and fears the colonists, supports top-down rule not giving the keys to low level mobs

Minor roles:

– John and Dolly Hancock, used by both Hutchinson and Adams

– Two leaders of Boston’s North End and South End mobs, used by Adams who tries to control them but sometimes end up taking over power

– Farmer who helps Adams organize countryside before the war but after leads veterans to rebel against Adams once he is in power

– Otis’ wife Ruth, a Tory who helps drive her husband crazy and supports Hutchinson

– Native American, called “Otis Two” by townspeople, originally from the Mashpee Wampanaug reservation that Otis’ family supervised, but informally adopted by James Otis, taught the law

– Judge Peter Oliver, loyalist Tory, rabidly against Adams and Otis, trying to get them and Hancock hanged.

– Prince Hall, freed slave who founds a Masonic group – part of Masonic support for Sam Adams’ demands for elective self-government… if he can control the mobs

– Sam and Betsy Adams’ two servants: Surrey, an African given to him and his wife as a wedding present but Sam and Betsy accepted her only after freeing her and she chose to stay; a white indentured servant who they raised, educated – have to find his name.

Background characters:

– Wealthy American shipping merchants like Theosophus Lillie or John Rowe who don’t like tariffs on their shipments of tea, slaves, rum, etc.

– Gang members in Boston and farmers outside of Boston who don’t like the Stamp tax on everything from cards and newspapers to weddings and funerals

– Children of Hutchinson and Adams

– Native Americans who take sides – some who side with colonists, others who fought with the French in Quebec until the war against American colonies ends at the start of this story and hate the British, and still others who like the British because they want to prevent settlers from moving into Indian Country

Freed (e.g. Moses Sash, Crispus Attucks) and enslaved Africans – Sam Adams organizes votes to ban slavery. Some support the colonists’ rebellion because of their stands for equality; others hear only words/no truth and therefore support the British who promise to ban slavery if they crush the colonies’ rebellion

Genre: Drama.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: Grammo

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Anntares Transformational Journey – Assignment 1/30-Day Course

What I learned doing this assignment: I saw the dynamic value of starting to structure a script by mapping only the protagonist’s personal arc that will drive the story through transformation.

Croasmun’s approach opened my mind in much more energetic ways than my usual — start by mapping the relationship and conflict between the protagonist and antagonist and a story arc from an inciting incident that triggers the protag’s goal, obstacles all leading to an ending with crisis/climax moments that reveal whether the protag will or won’t achieve the goal they want or maybe their inner need not the external goal, All that’s okay but much more meaningful to start with the personal transformation, not tack it on at the end..

Hero: Thomas Hutchinson – a Royal Governor in the 1770s of the British colony of Massachusetts Bay who loves British Empire because it is the nation with the most liberty in the world. He is determined to risk all to keep the colony loyal to the Mother Country despite Boston’s mobs.

Character Arc that represents a transformation: From arrogant self-righteous elitism to willingness to listen to people regardless of their background or conflicting views.

Internal Journey: From telling others what they must do to willingness to ask why and listen to others, regardless of their income or education

External Journey: From defending the nation that he believes is the most free in the world to experiencing and hating his fellow arrogant elites he had defended

Old Ways:

· Value people by their wealth, education and cultural style

· Support without question the nation as the most free in the world and crush any opposition

· Guide and control uneducated people because they are too ignorant to know what good governance is

New Ways:

· Listen to and value people’s opinions regardless of wealth, education or cultural style

· Assume that even the most free nation may not be perfect and listen to people who claim to see better ways to govern

· Defend the right of people from all backgrounds to suggest better ways – and protect the majority of people from powerful elites.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: typos and mentos

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Anntares, signing in from the Upper Westside, NYC.

##: I’ve written three full length scripts in last 7 years, each winning one or more contests and placing well in others, none produced so far. Also several short ones.

UNIQUE, I think, for this group: I’m writing stage plays. SU’s ProSeries 50 and Master Screenwriting Class 4 changed my life and art because I would write the same scene for assignments as film script and stage play… and when I returned to a playwriting class for stage plays, the playwright leading it and other participants kept saying how much better my writing was – dynamic, active, almost no exposition, etc .

GOAL, for the 30 days: I’m returning (also returned for specialized SU courses in past, e.g. Comedy, Profound) to stop letting day-jobs and insecurities bog me down and instead start writing the three stories that have been circling my mind yearning to be freed to become typed words… or maybe a new story.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares. Reason: typo

[Tita Beal Anntares]

TITA ANNTARES = I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Anntares’ Marketable Components – Power Players Lesson 2

I learned that the first sentence in my current logline is too abstract, the next line too specifically focused on story.

Previous/Current Logline before this assignment:

Can we govern ourselves by voting, not violence<s>, listening to each other and negotiating resolutions to conflicts</s>… or must democracy give way to the loudest, strongest and most violent rulers or rebels?

Top 2 Marketability Components: TRUE STORY; TIMELY – also bankable role for two actors

C. True Story: Based on an actual rebellion by insurgents calling themselves patriots but choosing violence over the vote

D. Timely: Based on the true 1787 rebellion that homegrown terrorist Timothy McVeigh praised on his T-shirt when he bombed innocents in Oklahoma in 1995 -and glorified by todays white extremists

How to Elevate Those Two Components – New ‘Business’ Logline:

Can we govern ourselves by voting, not violence<s>.</s>.. or must democracy give way to the loudest, strongest and most violent rulers or rebels? After fighting a war for liberty, Sam Adams, now in power, sends out the army of Massachusetts to shoot or arrest and hang his friend Captain Daniel Shays and veterans who are terrifying the 13 new nations into uniting under one Constitution – the true story of a rebellion in 1787 glorified by homegrown terrorist Timothy McVeigh on the T-shirt he wore when he bombed innocents in Oklahoma in 1995… and embraced by today’s white supremacists who chose violence over voting on January 6 2021.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Anntares – PRODUCT AND MARKET

1. Historical drama, SAM’S RABBLE (stage play) – real story of a rebellion that terrified 13 new American nations into uniting under one Constitution… a rebellion glorified by white extremist groups today.

2. “Two friends, Sam and Daniel, fight a war together to win democracy, but only a few years after victory, they are trying to kill each other, both sure they are saving their democracy from each other…Why did Sam Adams, man of the people, send out the army of the nation of Massachusetts to shoot or arrest and hang indebted veterans led by Captain Daniel Shays, his friend and comrade before the War of Independence?”

3. I am marketing first to stage directors connected with Off-Broadway and Regional theaters because if interested in the script, they can help propose it to producers who, based on research by the National New Play Network, receive an average of 2,000 new scripts each year but barely have budget to risk producing one new play.

4. What I learned today is that some management companies produce. Also that I remember from ProSeries and MSC -and have used- hooks, 10 (12?) elements of marketability, and the focus on what producers/etc want… but I need a tune-up because the details are not fully part of my own thinking as opposed to my attempt to remember.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

1. Tita Anntares

2. 3 stage plays, 2 filmscripts, several short stage plays

3. The confidence to market my stage plays more broadly, motivation to revise the film scripts I wrote in ProSeries50 and MSC4, using Hal’s revision guidelines (I am focused on stage plays so did not nurture the exercise scripts)

4. Past day-jobs: Assistant Vice President in a major bank and a Puppeteer with stage and puppets in a bag for birthday parties, block parties, children’s hospitals, museums, schools

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita Anntares. I agree to the term of this release form, including all six items.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Unique Character Dialogue

What I learned:

A very useful strategy for finding and replacing generic, expositional or bland dialogue and bringing characters and their interactions more to life

Dialogue aligned better with Character Profile – 3 Examples:

“Is there anything from this character’s profile represented in that line?” If not, rewrite .

These examples are for a stage play not filmscript.

Sam Adams Profile – Key Highlights: Fiercely committed to creating a world of self-government and equal rights but leads by questioning, getting others to make decisions. Suspicious of the wealthy and powerful “few” and devoted to getting equal rights for the “many.” Wound – his mother wanted him to be a minister, didn’t want him helping his father with political action to support farmers. Secret: Advocates for self- government, voting rights for all citizens (as defined in 1770s) , the value of the poor/”yeomanry” but wants to control what people do… and does it by asking questions, using humor.

Three examples of re-aligning dialogue better with character profile to energize dialogue

EXAMPLE 1

Before:

COLONEL MIDDLETON: Why in God’s name did you leap out of a moving carriage?!

SAM ADAMS: I asked the driver to take the road down to that valley. You and your Colonels overruled me.

COLONEL MIDDLETON: You could have killed yourself, Mr. Adams!

`

After: (My revision goal: Turn Sam’s flat response into emotional one)

COLONEL MIDDLETON: Why in God’s name did you leap out of a moving carriage?! You could have killed yourself Mr. Adams!

SAM ADAMs: Redcoats could’ve killed those troops down at that tavern – why didn’t you and your Lieutenants and Colonels want to thank the soldiers who won our liberty? –- [Offering spyglass] Look – See that evergreen flag? It’s got to be Captain Shays’ regiment.

EXAMPLE 2

Before:

SAM: Today, every court closing triggers more calls for an American aristocracy to control the mobs. The empires of Europe are mobilizing to retake the colonies. Sending in emissaries to encourage our hidden monarchists. The Cincinnati are laying the foundation for an American nobility with hereditary property in the West.

After: (My revision goal: Turn exposition into conversational challenge)

SAM: You’ve heard the calls for an American aristocracy to control the mobs… Did we devote our lives to create a new world where every citizen has equal rights – only to turn our guns against each other? Who do you think is agitating our loyal veterans to take up arms against the elected democracy they won with their blood? What common goal could possibly cause the empires of Europe to unite with each other after decades of war? Why is the Order of the Cincinnati only recruiting officers of the Continental Army, no foot soldiers? Why can members of the Cincinnati pass on their property their first born sons? You have been my best strategist – do you not see what is happening?!<s></s>

EXAMPLE 3

Before:

SAM: I was working out ways for Senators to stop putting debtors on trial without scaring men of commerce into the arms of the Society. We need them to keep helping us pay off war debts. Believe me, I understood why you wanted to close the courts… to save your neighbors from prison, save their homes, their families…

After: My revision goal: Turn exposition into conversational challenge and questions that force listeners to understand the risks and impacts)

SAM: Do you think I wanted men of wealth to put veterans on trial for debt? Do you think I don’t know you are in debt because we could not pay you for your years of service? But what if I demanded they forgive your debts? Or extend them? How do you think our Senators – and all our men of commerce – would react? Run into the arms of the Order and build an American aristocracy?… Refuse to help our nation to pay off war debts so we would forever be slaves to foreign countries? Believe me, I understood why you wanted to close the courts… Stop them from throwing your neighbors’ fathers, husbands, brothers, sons into prison. Stop them from throwing your wives and children out of their homes and into the poorhouse. Or worse…