[Torino Von Jones]

What happens when your brother’s dream girl really likes you?

Dance movies have a faithful following, but the international box office for this genre often doubles the domestic numbers.

With a diverse cast of lead actors (African-American, Asian-American, and Southeast Asian), MOVE resonates with an international and a domestic audience.

Competitive brothers, Jewelz and Will, race to an audition. Jewelz sprints down the streets, Will somersaults from roof to roof. Jewelz wins.

Selected for a Las Vegas showcase, the brothers join a group of dancers from around the world, including Fria, a gorgeous girl from India.

The antagonist, choreographer Jeffrey Cortes, is a master manipulator who must win the showcase or else. He’s willing to use his connections and cunning to make it happen.

For the brothers, a professional career is the winner’s prize, but when they compete for Fria’s affection, there’s no way they can win.

MOVE is similar to the STEP UP films and has the innovative set dance pieces, romance, and and emotional core to appeal to all ages.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO: I am a multi-optioned writer. I’ve written a script that passed through the Chinese censors process.

Torino Von Jones cell:555-555-5500 email: movethemovie@gmail.com

What I learned doing this assignment was how to use hooks to pitch and how to write a GREAT query letter that looks professional.

[Torino Von Jones]

Torino Von Jones Query Letter

What happens when my brother’s dream girl really likes me and I like her?

Dance movies have a faithful following, but the international box office for this genre often doubles the domestic numbers. With a diverse cast of lead actors (African-American, Asian-American, and Southeast Asian), MOVE resonates with an international and a domestic audience.

Competitive brothers, Jewelz and Will, race to an audition. Jewelz sprints down the streets, Will somersaults from roof to roof. Jewelz wins.

Selected for a Las Vegas showcase, the brothers join a group of dancers from around the world, including Fria, a gorgeous girl from India.

The antagonist, choreographer Jeffrey Cortes, is a master manipulator who must win the showcase or else. He’s willing to use his connections and cunning to make it happen.

For the brothers, a professional career is the winner’s prize, but when they compete for Fria’s affection, there’s no way they can win.

Similarly to the STEP UP films with innovative dance set pieces, romance, and an emotional core, MOVE has the elements to appeal to all ages.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO: I am a multi-optioned writer. I’ve written a script that passed through the Chinese censors process.

Torino Von Jones cell:555-555-5500 email: movethemovie@gmail.com

What I learned doing this assignment was how to use hooks to pitch and how to write a GREAT query letter that looks professional.

[Torino Von Jones]

Torino Von Jones Synopsis Hooks

What I learned is using hooks to write a synopsis will engage the reader and writing this way will let the producer know I am a professional.

Hooks:

2) Similarity to a box office success

Similar to the STEP UP films, MOVE has the elements to appeal to all ages.

Opening Hook

Two brothers, one a dancer, the other a parkour specialist race to an audition. One runs down the street, the other somersaults from rooftop to rooftop.

1) Wide audience appeal/Unique

Dance movies have a faithful audience with the international box office often doubling the domestic numbers. With a diverse cast of lead actors (African-American, Asian-American, and Southeast Asian), MOVE will attract an international and domestic audience.

Logline

Two brothers compete in a career-starting dance showcase, but when they fall for the same girl, nobody wins.

3) A great role for a bankable actor

The antagonist, Jeffrey Cortes, choreographer of the best dance company west of New York, is a master manipulator, a smooth operator who’s willing to use his money, connections, and cunning to win the showcase.

What’s at stake:

A career as a professional is lost when a dancer and his brother compete for the same girl.

Goal/ Unique opposition:

Winning a dance competition is all that matters for a dancer until he falls for the same girl as his brother…

Elevator Pitch

When two brothers fall for the same girl during a dance competiton, there’s no way they can win.

Synopsis Draft 1

Dance movies have a faithful audience with the international box office often doubling the domestic numbers. With a diverse cast of lead actors (African-American, Asian-American, and Southeast Asian), MOVE will resonate with an international and a domestic audience.

2. Two competitive brothers, Jewelz is a dancer and Will is a parkour specialist, race to an audition. One runs down the streets, the other somersaults from roof to roof.

When they are selected for a Las Vegas showcase, the brothers join a select group of international dancers from around the world, including Fria, a beautiful dancer from India.

The antagonist, choreographer Jeffrey Cortes, is a master manipulator who must win and will use his money, connections, and cunning to do it.

A professional career is the winner’s prize, but when the brother’s compete for Fria’s affection, there is no way they can win.

Similar to the STEP UP films, MOVE has innovative dance set pieces, romance, and an emotional core sure to appeal to all ages.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Torino Von Jones.

[Torino Von Jones]

Torino Von Jones High Concept and Elevator Pitch

What I learned: The way to find the main hook is to figure out the big picture explanation of the lead character’s journey.

1. Main Hook: During a dance competiton, a dancer can’t win when he falls for the same girl as his brother.

2.

Dilemma:

How does a dancer competing in a dance competition have any chance of winning win when he falls for the same girl as his brother?

Main Conflict:

Nobody wins when two brothers at a dance competition compete for the same girl.

What’s at stake:

A career as a professional is lost when a dancer and his brother compete for the same girl.

Goal/ Unique opposition:

Winning a dance competition is all that matters for a dancer until he falls for the same girl as his brother…

3.

Elevator Pitch

When two brothers fall for the same girl during a dance competiton, there’s no way they can win.

[Torino Von Jones]

Torino Von Jones Day 4 Assignment

10 Most Interesting things about MOVE

Jewelz, my protaganist is a diverse lead actor who’s afraid to love. Jeffrey Cortes, my antagonist is a master manipulator, cunning, greedy and willing to color outside the lines to achieve the desired result.

The major hook of my opening scene is the realization that Jewelz, my protaganist, is looking forward to the showcase audition, but Will, his brother, has anxiety issues and hasn’t put in the time to get a routine. Subsequently, Jewelz is selected to be a part of the Global All-stars and Will is not.

Turning points: When Will isn’t selected and Jewelz teases him, Will reacts with a parkour freerun that gets the attention of the choreographer and he is ultimately selected — much to Jewelz’s chagrin. During the pre-lims, Will freezes and Jewelz rescues the moment with a scintallating dance that pushes the team into the finals. When Jeffrey is able to scare off two of the dancers, Stephanie, their choreographer, changes the routine to feature Will’s parkour skills and takes away Jewelz’s solos. Jewelz quits the team, succumbing to his selfish desires to be the singular important dancer and the rest of the team realize they cannot win without Jewelz.

The emotional dilemma: Jewelz either realizes the definition of family is more than blood or risks a life without love from Will’s family and Fria.

Major twists: After Will is not selected during the audition, Stephanie sees him performing in a nightclub and invites him to join the dance team. Jewelz is completely focused on winning the showcase; thinks Fria is only a pretty girl with nothing interesting on the inside, but learns that Fria is the girl he’s got to have and realizes love matters more than his dancing dreams.

Reversals: Will wants to get close to Fria and Jewelz helps him devise a strategy, but when Will has to cancel a date with Fria, Jewelz takes his place and Jewelz and Fria realize they have a connection and they began a secret romance.

Character betrayal: When Will finds out about Jewelz and Fria’s romance, he decides that Jewelz will never be the brother he thought he would be. Fria overhears Will and Jewelz fighting, decides Jewelz is not who she thought and breaks up with hiim.

Big surprises: Stephanie finds out Jeffrey, her former assistant, has sabotaged her team, planted a dancer on her team with the intention of making a mistake during the finals performance.

Other interesting points: Most dance films perform better internationally, so the diverse lead actors (African-American, Asian-American, and Southeast Asian) will appeal to an international box office AND a domestic box office.

What I learned from this assignment: How to find the most interesting things about my screenplay and how to utilize them to make it appealing for a producer to request my screenplay.

[Torino Von Jones]

Torino Von Jones Producer/Manager

When I meet with a producer I’ll want to be on the same page, with the intention of creating the best screenplay possible, and a pitch that makes it easy to get funding, actors, and directors.

When I meet with a manager, knowing they are interested in building my writing career, I’ll be listening carefully to their suggestions, discussing all my future projects, and my commitment to becoming a writer who can perform well in the business.

What I learned was producers and managers have different roads that lead to getting a film made. The goal for the writer is to understand how to successfully work with these two important business people.

[Torino Von Jones]

Logline

Two dancing brothers, one adopted, compete in a Las Vegas showcase, but when they fall for the same girl, their definition of family is tested and destroys the team’s chance of winning.

These marketable components have potential for selling my script

1) Wide audience appeal

Dance movies have a faithful audience with the international box office often doubling the domestic numbers. MOVE, with a diverse cast of lead actors (African-American, Asian-American, and Southeast Asian) will attract an international and a domestic audience.

2) Similarity to a box office success

Similarly to STEP UP and other dance films, MOVE has innovative dance set pieces, romance, and a emotional core that will resonate with a global audience.

3) A great role for a bankable actor

The antagonist, Jeffrey Cortes, is a master manipulator who’s willing to use his money, connections, and cunning to win the showcase.

I learned a writer needs at least one marketable component to get a script request.

[Torino Von Jones]

I agree.

[Torino Von Jones]

“MOVE”

GENRE: Dance/Family

CONCEPT: It’s energetic, hi-level dancing, romance, and a strong emotional core about the definition of family.

The dance movie audience is faithful to the genre. In my research, I discovered that the international box office was often double the domestic numbers. I imagined what it would be like to write a story targeting an international and a domestic box office, instead of the other way around.

What’s attractive about MOVE ?

1) The cast leads are diverse: African-American, Asian-American, and Southeast Asian.

2) The brother’s relationship gives the story an emotional core.

3) The strong, energetic dance set pieces.

I want to target producers, studios, and streaming companies who’ve made dance/ family films and are looking for stories with global appeal.

I learned the difference between telling and selling and why less is more when you pitch.

[Torino Von Jones]

My name is Torino.

I’ve written 13 screenplays. I worked for a Japanese/Chinese/American production company for 5 years developing content. It was a great way to learn about the business, but everything I learned about screenwriting I learned at ScreenwritingU. I’ve worked with 10 producers, had three scripts optioned, two A-list talent attached but nothing produced.

I would like to learn the nuances of marketing my content to seasoned producers and studios.

I was raised in Honolulu, Hawaii, but lived in the UK, Europe, Japan, and South Africa for thirteen years. It gave me a global perspective and I aspire to write for a global audience.