Valeriya Ordinartseva
Forum Replies Created
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Valeriya’s Phone Pitch
My Vision: I am a masterful ahead-of-the-game and outside-the-box movie magic genius full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, thrilling, exciting, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and groundbreaking. My projects deliver outstanding box-office and artistic success. I love to create, entertain, and inspire –– I’m really good at it!
I’m natural at pitching on the phone too!
What I learned from this lesson is…
– It’s a lot easier than I thought because now I know what to expect.
– Answers should be short and clear, I like the phone pitching style pitches.
– I’m actually looking forward to pitching on the phone.
– It’s clearer how High Concept pitch should look like and why.
For GOTCHA
1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:
Lead with credibility.
Lead with a great title.
2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.
Hi, I’m Valeriya Ordinartseva. I’m an optioned screenwriter and I have a horror thriller called GOTCHA.
3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:
What’s the budget range?
$3-5MM
Who do you see in the main roles?
Someone like Dakota Fanning.
How many pages is the script?
Ninety pages
Who else has seen this?
You’re my first choice for this pitch.
Why do you think this fits our company?
I’m an optioned screenwriter and I came to your company because I loved the movie (title of movie they did).
How does the movie end?
To save her little niece from the monster, the heroine faces it and offers her own life. It turns out the monster is not only the sum of her fears but the sum of her dreams she was afraid to make true — all the monster wanted is for her to live her life fully.
For SPARES
1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:
Lead with credibility.
Lead with a High Concept.
2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.
Hi, I’m Valeriya Ordinartseva. I’m an optioned screenwriter and I have a sci-fi thriller about a girl who failed to prove she is not a robot.
Hi, I’m Valeriya Ordinartseva. I’m an optioned screenwriter and I have a Generation Alpha Bladerunner movie.
3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:
What’s the budget range?
$15-20MM
Who do you see in the main roles?
Someone like Peyton Elizabeth Lee as Lo.
Someone like Emma Corrin as a robot.
How many pages is the script?
100 pages.
Who else has seen this?
You’re my first choice for this pitch.
Why do you think this fits our company?
I’m an optioned screenwriter and I came to your company because I loved the movie (title of movie they did).
How does the movie end?
The girl and her robot manage to survive the elimination game. They find the politician who came up with the dehumanization program and confront her. It turns out that the politician is a robot. In the final battle, it gets restored to default settings while destroying 7RDRD4. The teenage girl befriends the ex-villain, and together they create the next generation of robots that are as human as we can be at our best.
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Valeriya’s Pitch Fest Pitch
My Vision: I am a masterful ahead-of-the-game and outside-the-box movie magic genius full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, thrilling, exciting, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and groundbreaking. My projects deliver outstanding box-office and artistic success. I love to create, entertain, and inspire –– I’m really good at it!
I know everything I need to get script requests with my verbal pitches!
What I learned doing this assignment is…
– It’s actually a cool way to come up with marketable projects.
– Many good ideas come when I consider my projects’ marketability.
– I want to learn this framework by heart and practice it until it comes naturally.
For GOTCHA
Hi, I’m Valeriya Ordinartseva and I’m an optioned screenwriter, filmmaker, and professional script consultant. Today, I have a horror thriller script called GOTCHA. (Light pause) It’s about a depressed woman who wants to change her life and asks the monster under her bed to get out, but the monster comes out with its own plans for her life.
What is the budget range?
Low Budget.
What actors do you like for the lead roles?
Someone like Dakota Fanning would be great for the main part.
Give me the acts of the story.
I
A depressed lonely woman tells her therapist she can’t get a life because she’s got a monster under her bed. But who doesn’t have one? She follows the therapist’s advise and asks the monster to come out. It does. It’s real and it’s not planning to leave.
II
The monster is out to enjoy the woman’s life since she can’t do it herself. It follows her everywhere, wrecks havoc, and kills her family and friends. She begs the monster to let her choose the next victim and sacrifices the love of her life.
III
The monster chooses her little niece instead. To save the girl the woman has to finally find a way of dealing with it.
How does it end? (setup / payoff).
The woman embraces the monster and it turns out to be a bunch of her unrealized dream, which moonlights as the sum of her fears. All along the monster was trying to help the woman get the life she wanted. Everyone who died was the victim of their own fears.
Final shot: Although the heroine finally learns to enjoy life and respect her own dreams, there are so many other monsters lurking under the couch in the therapist’s office.
Credibility questions What have you done?
I graduated ScreenwritingU Master Screenwriter Certificate Program. I specialize in writing elevated thrillers, and my scripts have been optioned four times. I’ve also worked on writing assignments and as a script consultant for independent producers. As a director, I’ve made a short, and now working on my first feature.
For SPARES
1. Tell us your credibility.
Hi, I’m Valeriya Ordinartseva and I’m an optioned screenwriter, filmmaker, and professional script consultant. Today, I have a sci-fi thriller script called SPARES. (Light pause). It’s a story of a girl brought up by AI. To save her robot from recycling, she decides to pass the humanity test instead of it but fails.
What is the budget range?
High budget.
What actors do you like for the lead roles?
Someone like Peyton Elizabeth Lee as Lo.
Someone like Emma Corrin as a robot.
Give me the acts of the story.
I
Out of mercy a robot, 7RDRD4, kills its inventor and takes itself to the wasteland. There it finds an abandoned baby and decides to bring up a real human in the world where human-looking robots are bound for recycling because of the murder 7RDRD4 committed.
II
A baby grows up to be a teenage girl, Lo, with more issues than any teen. Her only family, 7RDRD4 must take the humanity test but Lo decides to save her robot by passing the test instead of it. She fails and is sent to recycling. Her escape causes both people and robots to rebel against the status quo, and government launches a more transparent dehumanization program — broadcasted elimination game.
III
The rebels of all kinds embrace the game as an opportunity to prove that humanity is universal. But the game itself is designed to strip the players of their humanity. Lo and 7RDRD4 must survive and stop the one trying to eliminate the diversity of beings and relationships in this world.
How does it end? (setup / payoff).
Lo and 7RDRD4 manage to reach and confront the anti-robot politician who created the game. Only the politician turns out to be a robot of the same model as 7RDRD4, but his humanity-defying logic is indestructible. In the final battle, 7RDRD4 is irreversibly damaged and the villain is taken back to default settings. Lo is to bring up the next generation of robots that can understand their own human nature.
Credibility questions What have you done?
I graduated ScreenwritingU Master Screenwriter Certificate Program. I specialize in writing elevated thrillers, and my scripts have been optioned four times. I’ve also worked on writing assignments and as a script consultant for independent producers. As a director, I’ve made a short, and now working on my first feature.
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Valeriya’s Query Letters
My Vision: I am a masterful ahead-of-the-game and outside-the-box movie magic genius full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, thrilling, exciting, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and groundbreaking. My projects deliver outstanding box-office and artistic success. I love to create, entertain, and inspire –– I’m really good at it!
I create query letters that sell… with ease!
What I learned doing this assignment is…
– Looking for the balance between brevity and clarity.
– Shorter BIO is better.
– Treat everything as a draft.
For GOTCHA:
Hi [name],
How is your Gotcha?
You’ve grown up but that metaphorical monster still lives under your bed? Any shrink would say you should ask it to come out.
Irene follows this advice. Now the sum of her fears, her horrible Gotcha is out to claim all the life she failed to claim for herself. And more. Her neighbor, then friend, lover, even her father…
Scared senseless, Irene decides to choose the next victim herself… No, you can’t trick your own monster. What does it want? Irene doesn’t get it.
But Gotcha gets her.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send my horror thriller script GOTCHA for your perusal.
All the best,
Valeriya Ordinartseva — valeriya.ordinartseva@gmail.com — +44……….
BIO: Valeriya Ordinartseva is a filmmaker, script consultant, and multi-optioned screenwriter specializing in elevated thrillers for the global market.
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For SPARES
Hi [name],
How can you prove you are not a robot?
Year 53 A.I. The end of the dehumanization era. The last of the robots indistinguishable from people are recycled after inevitably failing the humanity test. This movement started years ago when one of the robots killed its own inventor.
In fact, 7RDRD4 was about to dispose of itself too, but in the trash, where it finally found itself, it also found a baby, and a new purpose — to bring up a real human.
Now Lo is a teenage girl with all the usual human issues plus some. Still, 7RDRD4 is her only family. To save it, Lo takes the humanity test instead of her robot… and fails.
Her escape from the recycling facility with a bunch of robots sparks social unrest. Government’s response — a new fair and ethical live streaming dehumanization game. The game you can only lose if you want to remain human.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send my sci-fi thriller script SPARES for your perusal.
All the best,
Valeriya Ordinartseva — valeriya.ordinartseva@gmail.com — +44……….
BIO: Valeriya Ordinartseva is a filmmaker, script consultant, and multi-optioned screenwriter specializing in elevated thrillers for the global market.
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Valeriya’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
My Vision: I am a masterful ahead-of-the-game and outside-the-box movie magic genius full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, thrilling, exciting, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and groundbreaking. My projects deliver outstanding box-office and artistic success. I love to create, entertain, and inspire –– I’m really good at it!
I have absolute confidence in my pitching skills!
What I learned doing this assignment is…
– I’ve been doing this for years, but only now it sank in how important serious preparation is for successful pitching.
– I get better distinctions of different aspects of a pitch.
– It’s worth doing this exercise over and over, as mastery of this skillset is the only thing that sells scripts.
GOTCHA
HOOK: When fear gets the best of you, get ready for the worst.
CONCEPT: When a depressed woman finally calls the monster under her bed out, it comes out… but refuses to leave.
ELEVATOR PITCH: I’m finishing up a horror thriller GOTCHA about a woman who needs to get rid of the monster under her bed before it can get rid of her.
SPARES
HOOK: How do you prove you’re not a robot when everyone thinks that you are?
CONCEPT: If you wanted to save your robot friend from recycling you wouldn’t hesitate to take the humanity test instead of them. But what if you fail?
ELEVATOR PITCH: I’m finishing up a sci-fi thriller about a girl brought up by a robot trying to prove she’s not one of them before getting recycled.
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Valeriya’s Synopsis Hooks
My Vision: I am a masterful ahead-of-the-game and outside-the-box movie magic genius full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, thrilling, exciting, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and groundbreaking. My projects deliver outstanding box-office and artistic success. I love to create, entertain, and inspire, and I’m really good at it.
I love mastering the hooks!
What I learned doing this assignment is…
– I want to come up with stronger hooks and better ways to present them and I’m happy to make the first step on this path.
– It takes focus and awareness to do things in different ways when I think I already know the way.
– I understand better how a pitch is different from telling a story, but still looking for the balance of giving the right amount of story.
GOTCHA
Horror Thriller
You’ve grown up but that metaphorical monster under your bed is still there? Any shrink would say you should ask it to come out.
Irene does. Only her horrible thing is very real. Gotcha has been growing as well. Now the sum of her fears is out — to claim all the life Irene failed to claim for herself. And more: the lives of her neighbor, friend, lover, father…
To save the rest of her family Irene makes a deal with the monster: she will choose the next victim herself. The guy she’s in love with. Gotcha has a better idea — a lot worse. What does it want? Irene doesn’t get it.
But Gotcha gets her.
COMs and MITs I intended to use:
– The monster is the fear itself, it kills people with their own fears.
– The summoned metaphorical monster turns out to be real.
– Heroine decides to sacrifice to the monster the one she is in love with.
– People die after Irene brings the monster about.
G. Wide audience appeal — we all have fears to deal with before they do us in, physically or metaphorically.
B. Great Title — is a must and I’ll make sure it is.
SPARES
Sci-Fi Thriller
Year 53 A.I. The end of the dehumanization era.
The last of the robots that became indistinguishable from people are sent for recycling after inevitably failing a humanity test. The anti-humanoid movement started when one of the robots killed its own inventor.
In fact, 7RDRD4 was about to dispose of itself too, but in the trash, where it finally found itself, it also found a baby, and a new purpose — to bring up a real human.
Now Lo is a teenage girl with all the usual human issues plus some. Still, 7 is her only family. To save it, she takes the humanity test instead of her robot… and fails.
Her escape from the recycling facility with 7 and a bunch of rebellious robots results in dangerous social unrest. To complete the dehumanization program, the government implements a more transparent and ethical process — a broadcasted humanoid elimination game.
The game you can only lose if you want to remain human.
COMs and MITs I intended to use:
D. Timely — AI enters everyone’s life and everyone has a strong opinion about where it’s going.
– Robot wants to finish itself but finds a baby.
– Heroes are a girl brought up by a robot and a robot who started the war against robots.
– Can they survive together?
– The girl goes to pass the humanity test instead of her robot and fails.
– The game invented to reveal who is who is meant to kill everyone.
– The politician who wants to recycle all the robots is a robot pretending to be human.
A. Unique – we haven’t seen this kind of perspective of humans on robots, or robots on the verge of extinction.
I. Similarity to a box-office success — Bladerunner.
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Valeriya’s 10 Most Interesting Things
My Vision: I am a masterful ahead-of-the-game and outside-the-box movie magic genius full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, thrilling, exciting, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and groundbreaking. My projects deliver outstanding box-office and artistic success. I love to create, entertain, and inspire.
I love how cool my most interesting things are.
What I learned doing this assignment is…
– It helps to choose one thing for each question — easier to focus the pitch and the story that way.
– It would also be a good way to make sure that an outline works.
– I can choose a string of most interesting things differently, depending on who is listening to the pitch.
GOTCHA
A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
– My monster is fear itself, it kills people with their own fears. My heroine created a monster that harms people around her.
B. Major hook of your opening scene?
– The darkness from underneath the heroine’s bed scares the cat, then crawls up the wall and grows on the heroine.
C. Any turning points?
– People die after Irene brings the monster about.
D. Emotional dilemma?
– She has to face the monster and deal with it or someone dies, but she is scared.
E. Major twists?
– The summoned metaphorical monster turns out to be real.
F. Reversals?
– The monster is made of the heroine’s own dreams and desires she abandoned out of fear. They were only seeking realization.
G. Character betrayals?
– Heroine decides to sacrifice to the monster the one she is in love with.
H. Or any big surprises?
– My monster is the scariest thing ever but it means well.
Other things:
Building anxiety and surprising jump scares. Optimistic life-affirming message. The monster doesn’t take the sacrifice. People die, including the heroine’s father. Then the little niece comes to stay in this monster’s den.
SPARES
A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
– Heroes are a girl brought up by a robot and a robot who started the war against robots.
B. Major hook of your opening scene?
– A robot kills its creator. Or people gathering to get killed.
C. Any turning points?
– Robot wants to finish itself but finds a baby.
D. Emotional dilemma?
– Can they survive together?
E. Major twists?
– The politician who wants to recycle all the robots is a robot pretending to be human.
F. Reversals?
– The game that was invented to reveal who is who was in fact created to kill everyone.
G. Character betrayals?
– The girl betrays her robot.
H. Or any big surprises?
– The girl goes to pass the humanity test instead of her robot.
Other things:
Their life of being different but struggling to find who they are. Creativity that ignores the mundane reasoning of what’s valuable. The politician is a robot of the same model as the hero. The girl befriends the villain after her friend is killed. F11 tells the police where to find the girl and her robot. The killing turns into an entertaining game. The boy betrays the girl.
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Valeriya Meets Producers and Managers
My Vision: I am a masterful ahead-of-the-game and outside-the-box movie magic creator full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, thrilling, exciting, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and genius. My projects deliver outstanding box-office and artistic success. I create, inspire, and entertain. I love it.
I love the power of co-creating with producers and managers.
What I learned today is…
– We are really on one team, not on the opposite sides of a deal.
– There are many things I can do to make sure my relationships with producers and managers are successful, and I can always come up with more.
– I want to be empowered and work with empowered people to compound our power.
How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
I present myself as an expert screenwriter in one genre who has had scripts optioned multiple times. I make sure that my contribution makes the producer’s job as easy, inspiring, and professional as possible.
I present my project as an amazing product that’s easy to sell. I focus on the aspects that make this particular project marketable and commercially successful.
How will you present yourself and your project to a manager?
I present myself as a professional writer who understands the industry and the art-form. I have many brilliant ideas, I can come up with original solutions. I make sure it’s a pleasure to work with me. I treat other people’s ideas with the same enthusiasm as I treat my own. I’m eager to go the extra mile to be on my manager’s team.
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Valeriya’s Marketable Components
My Vision: I am a masterful ahead-of-the-game and outside-the-box creator. Ideas and creative energy pour through me in abundance. My writing is fresh, thrilling, exciting, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and genius. My projects deliver outstanding box-office and artistic success. I create. I love it.
What I learned today is…
– How easy it is to seriously elevate the project by simply considering the big picture.
– For the horror script, I found a great new title and an angle to pitch that brings more clarity and creates engagement.
– I like my business hat, my creative hat looks even better thanks to it.
– I love brainstorming.
– For the sci-fi script, I discovered a few great ways to help producers relate and connect, and see the subject in a new light.
1. Tell us your current logline.
BOO WHO HOO
Horror Thriller
A woman terrorized by the monster under her bed asks it to leave but it comes out with its own plans for her life.
A. Unique.
B. Great Title — is a must and I’ll make sure it is.
C. True.
D. Timely.
E. It’s a first.
F. Ultimate.
G. Wide audience appeal — we all have fears to deal with before they do us in, physically or metaphorically.
H. Adapted from a popular book.
I. Similarity to a box-office success.
J. A great role for a bankable actor.
I choose G and B.
Quick title brainstorm
– Nothing to fear
– Fear of lows
– Paralyzing fear
– It got the best of you
– Human creature
– With you always
– It’s behind you
– Don’t turn back
– You’ve got it
– It knows
– Gotcha
GOTCHA will be the monster’s name. It’s useless to run from your Gotcha!
I need to make changes for the script to create that anxiety that Gotcha could strike anywhere anytime, and surprise when it actually does.
Quick audience attraction brainstorm
– Have more engaging/relatable problems for my characters and more complex relationships between them
– Take basic fears for the cause of deaths and create a compelling narrative around each of those fears
– Develop romantic relationship plot by isolating that aspect of the story
– Introduce more profound elements (old ways/new ways)
Face your fears before they face you.
I’ll emphasize in the pitch that everyone that has any kind of relationship to the main characters is in grave danger, it will make the story sound more cohesive on different levels.
SPARES
Sci-Fi Thriller
During Dehumanization Era when robots get recycled for being too human, a girl brought up by a robot is hard-pressed to prove she isn’t one.
A. Unique – we haven’t seen this kind of perspective of humans on robots or robots on the verge of extinction.
B. Great Title.
C. True.
D. Timely — AI enters everyone’s life and everyone has a strong opinion about where it’s going.
E. It’s a first.
F. Ultimate.
G. Wide audience appeal.
H. Adapted from a popular book.
I. Similarity to a box-office success — Bladerunner.
J. A great role for a bankable actor.
I choose A, D and I.
Quick brainstorm on uniqueness
– Polish the logline
– Change perspective to the one on humans (what if your mom was scheduled for recycling?)
– Look from today into the future
I can build a pitch as a paradigm shift. Just need to find the most interesting angle, the easiest to make them follow the logic. A humanistic take on robots as a twist on the current anxiety.
Quick brainstorm on timeliness
– Create a connection between what’s going on now and how it will evolve.
– Include familiar concepts like machine learning, digital footprint, artificial intelligence, algos, etc.
– Connect to the latest news about technology.
– Demonstrate the work of robots in a creative way related to my story.
I can have different versions of the pitch with all of the above.
Quick brainstorm on similarity to a box-office success
– Where robots are treated with humanity or robots are more human than humans, Bladerunner, 200 years old man, AI, I, Robot.
– Gather a slate of robot characters from box-office success and add my twist (these characters couldn’t face this thing)
– All great robot movies are about humanity — Greek mythology theme, how they are faced against their gods.
I can choose the best movies about relationships between people and robots, or humanity of robots, and highlight how my movie takes it to the next level.
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Valeriya’s Project and Market
My Vision: I am a masterful ahead-of-the-game and outside-the-box creator. Ideas and creative energy pour through me in abundance. My writing is fresh, thrilling, exciting, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and genius. My projects deliver outstanding box-office and artistic success. I create. I love it.
What I learned today is…
– My projects are not small stories in a vacuum, they have a larger context of the market, industry, business, storytelling, and art. Just thinking about them in different contexts inspires new ideas for major meaningful improvements.
– I want to have more marketable titles.
– I want to make my loglines cleaner and more impactful.
BOO WHO HOO
Horror Thriller
A woman terrorized by the monster under her bed asks it to leave but it comes out with its own plans for her life.
The attractive part is a wide appeal — everyone has fears they turn into monsters that suck the life out of them, but what can we do to stop it? It’s not currently expressed or Implied in the logline, I’ll work on it. I’d like to find a great way to describe the monster, to make sure it’s spectacular.
My target is producers because it’s a low-budget project that can take their work to the next level.
SPARES
Sci-Fi Thriller
During Dehumanization Era when robots get recycled for being too human, a girl brought up by a robot is hard-pressed to prove she isn’t one.
The attractive part is the concept — a unique dilemma we haven’t seen before, and the subject of AI.
My target is producers because the strongest part here is the idea that takes the genre to the next level.
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Valeriya Finished Act 1
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer. Ideas and creative energy pour through me in abundance. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and genius. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am the leading edge. I create a lot, and it’s a lot of fun. Sheer pleasure. My whole life is that way. I love it.
I’m completely empowered to write this draft very quickly!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– MOVE ON! Easy does it.
Tell us how it is going for you.
– I’m very excited to create something to play with later! That feels so close to the essence of creativity!
– I’m working on two scripts at the same time and one of them had half of the first draft. I made improvements in the outline, but reluctance to rewrite it (make changes) right now was holding me back. I copied the scenes I had, I’ll rewrite them according to the new outline in later drafts.
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Valeriya’s Next Act 1 Scenes
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer. Ideas and creative energy pour through me in abundance. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and genius. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am the leading edge. I create a lot, and it’s a lot of fun – sheer pleasure. My whole life is that way. I love it.
I truly enjoy writing a high speed first draft!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– I don’t need to fight with myself, I can negotiate and come to a beneficial agreement.
– Criticizing habits are in the way and, clearly, out of place here.
– I want to accomplish better focus on this.
Tell us how it is going for you.
– I wrote three pages and I’m proud of it.
– I chose to focus on the “keep moving” rule as it feels to me it encompasses all of the rules.
– I remind myself that a scene may or may not stay, so the details are not important for now.
– I noticed I like taking time to think as I write, but I can keep this pleasure for rewrites and take pleasure in speed as I write the first draft.
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Valeriya’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer. Ideas and creative energy pour through me in abundance. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and genius. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am the leading edge. I create a lot, and it’s a lot of fun – sheer pleasure. My whole life is that way. I love it.
I absolutely love writing this first draft!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– I used to shy away from actual writing while my writing is so welcoming, exciting, and engaging.
– I give up ignoring the fact that my writing is calling.
– It’s always easier to just write than resist writing.
Tell us how you used the High Speed Writing Rules and any insights you had about writing a first draft.
– This time I didn’t look at the rules, but I’m sure I followed some. I just wrote what was coming and it was great.
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Valeriya’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, thrilling, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way. I love it.
I have so much fun creating scene requirements for my outline!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– So much story and new ideas keep coming at this stage!
– Next time I should trust that things will fall into place sooner, and move through this step faster.
– Keep it fun!
BOO WHO HOO: A woman terrorized by the monster under her bed asks it to leave but it comes out with its own plans for her life.
1 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – EVENING
A cat, Kafka, jumps out of the darkness underneath the bed. As the sun sets, Kafka wakes up IRENE, 26.
Kafka hisses at the darkness under the bed. Irene tells him not to go there.
Irene turns on the TV (not to feel alone). Then she turns on her computer and electric kettle, her desk lamp. All the lights blink. She doesn’t notice she hurts herself (pinching, biting nails and lips).
(Superior Position) Something or someone watches Irene.
She has an urgent project to send. She turns off the kettle and makes a disgusting coffee to save electricity that threatens her work. Toothache…
(Suspense) A call startles Irene. She finds her phone in the bathroom. It’s an unknown caller. She picks up, hears breathing —
It’s her childhood friend, SUNNY, who is coming to town invites her to meet. Irene looks at herself in the mirror… looks for excuses.
The lights go out. Irene panics making her way to the fuse box. She flips the switches — it doesn’t help. Kafka shrieks in the dark! Irene drops the phone. Something drops and rolls.
The phone rings — Sunny again. The lights come back on. (Major Twist) Sunny has something she promised Irene a long time ago. Irene agrees to meet.
It’s calm in the apartment but Kafka is nowhere to be found.
2 EXT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Irene meets her flamboyant happy friend.
(More interesting setting) Sunny takes Irene to “their place”, where they used to dream when they were little, and gives her a flyer. Thanks to Irenes’ encouragement Sunny became a famous DJ (they made a promise to follow their dreams?).
What about Irene’s success? Her life is depressing. (Internal Dilemma) Everything Sunny remembers about Irene never came to fruition and is gone. Sunny offers her to find help. Irene doesn’t need it, she’s not crazy.
Sunny invites Irene to her concert. Irene has too many things to do, urgent project and the landlord stopping by next week, she needs to put new wallpaper instead of those scratched by a cat…
(Uncomfortable Moment) She can’t dismiss a pinky swear.
3 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – DAY
Irene puts Sunny’s flyer on the fridge. (Surprise) Takes it off, crumples and throws away. She calls Kafka, puts some food for him, but she is alone in the apartment. Exhausted, Irene falls asleep.
4 SAME – LATER
It’s getting dark. (Misinterpretation) A blood-chilling moan similar to the one of an angry cat wakes Irene up. Cat food is untouched. Het toothache makes utter a moan.
On her computer she googles “wisdom tooth extraction”, changer “extraction” to “pain”. (External Dilemma) The ugliest results of image search come up. Irene swallows. Opens a picture of Kafka.
5 INT. NIGHT STORE – NIGHT
(Superior Position) Before Irene comes in, the locals refer to Irene as weirdo, but the owner of the shop, THEO, shushes them. He gets Irene what she usually buys, including cat food, and some candy on the house.
Irene asks to put a missing cat poster in the store. The locals are surprised, they didn’t know she could talk.
Theo takes the poster and tries a small talk. (Uncomfortable moment). The locals comment on this romantic move.
Irene mumbles something… (Surprise) Cool girls in party mood attack the shop. Irene runs away.
6 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
(Suspense) Irene sticks the wallpaper on a shaky ladder. She senses there’s someone in the house. Goes to look.
Strange noises in the apartment. Hallucinations? She turns on the TV. It turns off by itself.
A bulb goes off as well. She has to change it. (Intrigue) When the light is back on Irene sees a scary shadow.
(Clifhanger) Everything goes dark. The new bulb goes off as well. Irene runs —
7 INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
(Intrigue) Someone groans and grabs Irene in the dark. Irene is hysterical, shrieking, panting.
(Uncertainty) Kafka’s bell rings in the dark.
A match sheds some light on the situation — it’s the vision of hell or just Irene’s old toothless neighbor NORMA. She’s had problems with electricity as well, so she keep matches and candles handy. (Reveal) She hasn’t seen Kafka but she found his collar.
(Uncomfortable moment) Norma gives Irene a birthday cake candle.
8 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
Irene comes back with the candle to her dark place.
(Uncertainty) Is someone moving around her? Someone blows out the candle. Irene freaks out. (Surprise) She asks whatever is there not to hurt her. Electric light comes back.
(Reveal) She is alone. The shadow she saw earlier was made by harmless stuff. The draft shuts the door and window. Irene sees her scared face in the mirror.
Peace and quiet.
9 INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
Irene tells the shrink about her unhappiness. (External Dilemma) Shrink asks what stops Irene from having the life she wants.
(Uncomfortable Moment) Irene tells the shrink about the monster that lives under her bed.
(Surprise) Shrink suggests Irene to talk to the monster.
10 INT. NIGHT STORE – NIGHT
Theo asks Irene about Kafka. (Uncomfortable Moment) She’s too shy to give intelligible answers. She buys a small bottle of wine. (Misinterpretation) He asks her if she needs a company.
(Character changes radically) She makes it a big bottle and says she already has a company.
11 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
(Character changes radically) Irene has some wine and talks to the darkness under her bed about her innermost desires.
She asks the monster to come out of there and let her enjoy life.
While she turns away her wine disappears from the glass she poured herself.
(Uncertainty) Irene gathers the courage to look under the bed, but there’s nobody…
She goes back to work. Her computer flashes weird glitches.
(Suspense) Something breaks! Kafka came back?
Irene goes to investigate and steps on the broken glass. (Uncomfortable Moment) She picks up the photo of her family that fell, the glass is broken.
The entrance door is open. She closes it.
Scared, Irene calls her mom to ask if everything is okay. (Betrayal) After scolding Irene for never calling and then scaring her by calling and waking up her granddaughter, her mom who invites her to come over for a weekend. Irene just wanted an advice for her toothache. Irene talks to her niece about dreaming sweet dreams, favorite sweets and other things.
The entrance door is open ajar. Irene ends the call. Something moves around and behind Irene.
There’s something small in the doorway. (Mystery) It’s a ball — crumpled flyer for Sunny’s party that Irene threw away. She picks it up and straightens it out.
The lights blink. (Major twist) A scary monster briefly reflects in the mirror standing behind Irene. Irene grabs her jacket and gets out.
12 EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Irene takes a breath of fresh air. (Uncomfortable moment) Theo waves her from the shop. She sense the shadows creeping up to her, she walks away, runs. Something chases her.
(Suspense) She sees the monster in the shadows, in the gallery window, waiting for her at every turn.
(Surprise) She finds herself in front of the nightclub.
13 INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
(Uncertainty) The monster is hiding in the crowd.
Irene reaches the bar. Gets a drink. Loses the sight of the monster. (Internal Dilemma) Watches Sunny perform, mesmerized.
(Character changes radically) Picks up a guy — she doesn’t want to be alone tonight.
14 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
She brings the stranger home and locks the door and windows to keep the monster out. The lights are on. (Mystery) Someone is in her bed under the blanket… pillows.
Irene goes to refresh, encourages herself in the bathroom.
The guy looks around. (Uncertainty) Steps into something sticky — it’s everywhere, he peels the unsticking wallpaper, soils his hands with red, as if the walls under where bleeding.
(Cliffhanger) He tears off more wallpaper, gets scared of what he sees and runs away, fighting with the lock.
15 EXT. STREET – NIGHT
(Suspense) The guy runs away from the monster.
(Uncertainty) He succeeds to lose the thing…
(Surprise) He jumps over the fence — splat, gurgling, dying sounds.
16 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – DAY
(Misinterpretation) Irene’s hand hangs from the bed, something that’s under the bed… grabs her! It’s a dream. Irene wakes up because she gets a message from a client who doesn’t want to work with her anymore after she sent the last project. Irene checks — what she sent was a monstrous design.
(Surprise) The TV is on it shows the guy who died. She turns the TV off. Sees scary drawings on the walls.
The TV turns on — her friend Sunny died as well. Irene can’t find the remote control to turn it off.
She yells at the monster, asking why, what does it need to leave her alone? But she’s alone. Her tooth is killing her.
(Major twist) She locks the apartment — you win, I’m leaving.
17 INT. DENTIST’S OFFICE – DAY
Irene goes to the dentist to pull her wisdom tooth. (Suspense) She gets the shot of anesthetic and is left alone in the room.
(Surprise) The lamp above her turns back on, she opens her mouth, black goo drops into her mouth from above. The monster holds her arm and puts its claws in Irene’s mouth.
She yells, it strangles her, she can’t breathe.
(Reveal) The doctor and nurse come back — Irene is alone in the room, she storms past them, rushes off without any treatment.
18 INT./EXT. TRAIN – DAY
(Suspense) Exhausted, Irene tries not to but falls asleep on the train.
(Surprise) Once the train is in the tunnel the monster appears to be sitting next to her.
(Internal dilema) Flashes of her happy life wake Irene up.
19 INT. IRENE’S CHILDHOOD HOME – DAY
(Uncomfortable Moment) A somber dinner nobody would choose to sit through. Irene’s mother feeds her paralyzed husband, Irene’s father. Irene’s pregnant sister with her husband and 5yo daughter eat the bleak dishes.
(Superior Position) Irene’s mother tells her she looks awful, that’s why she is turning 30 (26) and she is still alone. Irene says she is not alone — that’s the thing. Why didn’t she tell them? She wanted it to be a surprise.
(Surprise) She introduces her Boo and invites it to the table. Everyone believes that a guy is about to come in. They wait. Irene’s niece checks the hallway and comes back quiet.
Mom goes to welcome the guest. Nobody. Stupid joke. (Cliffhanger) Irene’s niece confirms the monster is real.
20 INT. IRENE’S CHILDHOOD HOME – NIGHT
(Uncertainty) Irene’s niece gives her cryptic advice on dealing with monsters. She tells her that when she is afraid she thinks about the things she loves, asks Irene about what makes her happy. The kid falls asleep.
(Suspense) The door squeaks…
It’s Irene’s pregnant sister. (External dilemma) They talk about it, it’s heavy but she doesn’t mind, at least her husband tries not to hit her when she is pregnant. And her husband is going away on a business trip (which might be a pleasure trip).
Irene uses her nieces trick for keeping the monsters at bay, talks with her sister about their childhood.
21 SAME – LATER
Irene wakes up by the kid’s bed because of the noise. (Suspense) A shadow creeps by the door. Irene goes to investigate.
(Uncomfortable moment) Irene goes to her parent’s room. Her dad is on the floor. She rushes to help him.
(Reveal) He is dead. (Does she talk to him before?)
22 INT. IRENE’S CHILDHOOD HOME – DAY
(Uncertainty) During the reception after the funeral monster lurks between people.
Irene can hardly follow what’s going on, she thinks the monster is after the kid now. (Surprise) She tells it off.
(External Dilemma) She leaves in the middle of it as she is worried about putting the kid in danger.
23 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – DAY
(Uncertainty) Irene stands in the middle of the mess. Cat food is gone. She calls Kafka, calls the monster but there’s no one in the apartment.
(Suspense) She cries on her bed. Someone or something cries with her, when she stops it keeps on.
(Major twist) Understanding she can’t run away, Irene decides to do whatever the monster wants her to do. Irene negotiates with the it about finding unrelated victims if there must be victims.
24 EXT. STREET – NIGHT
(Suspense) Irene and the monster go out to kill someone.
(Intrigue) They are looking for the victim among the people who pass by.
(External dilemma) They choose a woman, but she happens to have a kid. Irene realizes they reached the night store.
(Major twist) Theo waves to her. She goes to the store.
25 INT. NIGHT STORE – NIGHT
Irene buys painkillers. (Superior Position) Irene and Theo have a convo on dealing with pian vs. killing it.
There’s something in the store. The video disconnects. (Suspense) Theo checks between the rows.
(Cliffhanger) The electricity goes out. Panicked breathing, things fall, Theo calls Irene she doesn’t answer —
26 EXT. STREET – NIGHT
(Reveal) Theo walks Irene back to her place. It starts raining.
(Superior Position) She invites him to come up. (Surprise) He passes until she feels better.
27 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
Thunder. Pouring rain. Red, brown and black goo is everywhere. Now Irene is the one hiding under the bed. It’s on, the monster and Irene have to sort it out now. The monster lures her out (?). (Uncertainty) Irene grabs the knife and stubs the beast but misses every time.
(Surprise) Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Irene’s mom brings the niece who has to stay with Irene, whose pregnant sister is in hospital.
(Suspense) Irene tries to protect the sleeping kid from the monster, but the monster is way more powerful. The lights go out. Irene is pleading for the girl, but actually — for her true self.
(Major twist) She asks to take her instead. The monster gets closer and closer, grabs her — hugs her… Irene hugs it back. The monster falls apart, it was made of (things that represent) every desire Irene ever gave up on. It was not trying to hurt anyone, it was asking for help all along.
The lights go on, the kid wakes up and discovers the treasures.
28 EXT. IRENE’S PLACE – MORNING
(Uncertainty) Irene’s mother dressed in black holds the kid as an ambulance takes Irene away.
29 EXT. STREET – DAY
Irene sees a monster in the gallery — (Reveal) it’s her painting, she is an artist who paints portraits of people’s beauty that’s hidden inside their fears. Her paintings are in the gallery. Theo meets her there and hugs her.
30 INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
Irene tells the shrink she no longer needs therapy. Turns out was not a monster who tortured her, but herself — her unrealized dreams she neglected. Monsters don’t exist. She leaves.
(Reveal) There are plenty of monsters lurking under the shrink’s couch.
______________________________
SPARES: During Dehumanization Era when robots get recycled for being too human, a girl brought up by a robot is hard-pressed to prove she isn’t one.
1 INT. TEST CENTER – DAY
(Intrigue) A somber queue. Some are crying.
In the queue of people mostly accompanied by their crying friends, a teenage girl LO waits for her turn to take a test — alone. (Uncomfortable Moment) Another woman is alone also. She starts talking, says she loved her life, no regrets. F11 argues she doesn’t know what happiness means. Someone asks her how many lives she has left. She thinks the one she has is worthless.
(Internal Dilemma) If there was even a moment worth living for, what would it be? Did she have at least one?
2 EXT. CITY – DAY – REWIND TIMELAPSE
(Superior position) Drone view: A futuristic city full of skyscrapers and huge screen panels morphs back to recognizable state of 21st century megapolis.
(Reveal) The time slows to normal and forward-flowing, the drone changes direction and flies to the hospital, as the time speeds up.
(Intrigue) There is a person sitting by the deathbed without moving day and night while nurses and doctors come in and out to take care of the patient.
3 FLASHBACK
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Year 21 A.I.
(Uncomfortable Moment) A dying guy asks a young androgynous person, SEVEN, to kill him. Seven refuses. The guy wants seven to do it and see the message at home. The guy talks about the suffering. Seven kills the guy with its bare hands.
(External Dilema) A nurse comes in, calls for help, tries to resuscitate the guy, but seven stops her.
(Surprise) The personnel tries to capture them but Seven grabs the sunpowered wings and jumps off the window and flies away.
4 EXT. CITY – DAY
Seven lands in the city. There are screens on every building: on the news NURSE AGATHA talks about the murder of a person by a robot, how dangerous the equality between robots and humans became. (Major twist) It’s time for a change — the killerbot has to be immediately killed. But who knows where to find it?
(Character changes radically) Citizens watching the news got suspicious of each other.
(Suspense) Someone sees winged Seven, throws a milkshake in him. Seven flies away.
5 INT. INVENTOR’S HOUSE – DAY
(Internal Dilemma) Seven lets the birds out of the cage, takes inventor’s phone, listens to the message. (Part)
(Superior Position) The police surround the place.
(Suspense) Seven sneaks out a moment before the police break in.
6 EXT. CITY – DAY
(Intrigue) A bunch of young vandals play darts with public property.
(Superior Position) They notice Seven flying high and take off in the same direction.
(Uncomfortable Moment) One of them is happy he got spared thanks to Seven.
7 EXT. BACKSTREET – DAY
(Internal Dilemma) Seven watches the inventor’s message on the phone. (Another part)
(External Dilemma) The vandals circle and torture Seven.
(Cliffhanger) They let it escape only to play a cruel chase game.
8 EXT. WASTELAND – EVENING
(Suspense) Seven comes to the dump site for robots, breaks its connection to the network, finds a bar to kill itself when
(Major twist) — a baby cries nearby. Seven finds a box with a human child in it, and comforts the child.
(External dilema) The gang with weapons comes to looks for Seven.
(Uncertainty) Seven takes the baby and soars with it — they got shot down by the gang. Police finds only the broken wings.
9 EXT/INT. MOTEL – EVENING
A year later.
(Uncertainty) Neighbors watch TV: hatred for robots — squareheads — grows with the help of the news about missing people and flying killerbot. People are now agreeing to give up their privacy for better control of the robots. Seven with a suitcase sneaks by.
(Surprise) The baby was in the suitcase. Seven gives the baby her name, Lo, and a toy — two rag dolls looking like them.
(Suspense) Neighbors hear the baby and call the police. Seven and Lo escape.
10 EXT. CITY – DAY
A few years later, screens on the streets: the Nurse is now in politics, debating with two others, Benedetta, and Jeronimo. In the news, a dehumanization program is introduced to lower the amount of robots in the society in a way that’s respectful of every citizen’s rights. (Major twist) Every human-looking robot is sent to recycling. The humans get released.
(Suspense) Lo and Seven run behind the people while they are distracted. A drone gives a robot an invitation to recycling.
(Uncertainty) The drone is hovering over them, but they manage to escape.
11 INT./EXT. ABANDONED BUILDING – NIGHT
(Internal Dilemma) Lo asks difficult questions.
(Uncertainty) Police raid. They escape.
(Suspense) Seven risks its life to save little Lo’s toys, loses one life and leaves the kid alone.
(Misinterpretation) On the news another robot trying to end itself.
12 INT. SCHOOL – DAY
(Superior position) Lo is happy to be among people and adopt their ways.
(Uncomfortable moment) Lo gets ridiculed and called a squarehead for being too smart.
(Character changes radically) She tries to be less than what she is in order to blend in.
13 INT. HOLIDAY HOME – DAY
(External Dilemma) Argument, why we live so far from everyone. Safety. Doesn’t help her with homework.
(Major twist) A drone gets in. She is terrified.
(Character changes dramatically) Lo learns to catch spy-drones so that the two of them avoid the test.
14 EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
(Uncomfortable moment) Kids play a robot hating game, Lo watches.
(Internal Dilemma) They invite her to participate, she gladly joins.
(Superior Position) Seven can see that.
15 INT. LOFT – NIGHT
(External dilemma) Years later, teenage Lo argues with Seven about dating and all other human experiences.
(Character Changes radically) She doesn’t catch a spy-drone, so it scans their faces and prints an invitation for Seven to take a humanity test.
(Cliffhanger) Lo leaves with a guy who came to pick her up. She doesn’t promise to come and say goodbye.
16 INT. LOFT – DAY
(Intrigue) Lo comes back crying. From behind the closed door Seven asks her to see it off, since it will be recycled today — no reply.
(Uncertainty) The time goes by, she doesn’t come back.
(Reveal) Time to go, but Seven can’t find its invitation for the test.
END FLASHBACK
17 INT. TEST CENTER – DAY
(Reveal) Lo has Seven’s invitation. F11 doesn’t want to be dismantled alive (or how would people like the idea applied to them)
(Major Twist) She takes the test and is scheduled for recycling as a robot!
(Uncertainty) She says she is not a robot and robots follow her example.
18 INT. COURT / EXT. CITY – DAY
(Major Twist) On the screens the news about robot unrest. Mayhem and arrests in the test center. A bunch of robots claiming they are not robots, and Lo, stand before the judges.
(Superior position) Lo can’t answer usual questions about her origins and common human experiences (Seven watching the broadcast answers them differently at the same time).
(Intrigue) Lo must find a human who can confirm she is not a robot (who knows her intimately or from childhood). The whole world is given 10 minutes to vouch for her. (Is she waiting for her parents?)
19 EXT. CITY / INT. COURT – DAY
(Uncertainty) Seven runs to find Lo’s boyfriend.
(Betrayal) The boyfriend looking for fame tells on TV that he happened to date her and she must certainly be a squarehead since it didn’t go very far between them, which is unusual for him.
(Major Twist) Lo and others are sent to the recycling facility.
20 INT./EXT. VAN – DAY
(External Dilemma) Lo and others struggle to get out.
(Superior position) The TV debate between Nurse, Benedetta, and Jeronimo (about how manipulative and sneaky robots became) gets even more heated.
(Intrigue) Seven hides under the van to get in.
21 INT. RECYCLING FACILITY – DAY
(Uncomfortable Moment) The relentless recycling line takes the robots apart in the most utilitarian fashion.
(Suspense) Seven can’t stop it. Lo’s turn is coming up.
(Major Twist) Lo comes up with a way to trick it. All that survived escape.
22 EXT. CITY – NIGHT
(Suspense) The robots are chased by the police, they split. Seven, Lo and F11 hide together.
(Uncomfortable moment) Conversation about being human.
(Surprise) Nurse Agatha found dead.
23 EXT. CITY – NIGHT
24 EXT. MAIN SQUARE – NIGHT
(Uncertainty) Some robots including Seven are caught.
(Character changes radically) Lo comes to defend them.
(Major Twist) Other people join. Society gets divided.
25 INT. COURT – NIGHT
(Uncertainty) The governors and politicians look for solutions. They agree on creating a fair elimination game with the help of human citizens.
(Betrayal) Everyone votes for it.
(Intrigue) People send their suggestions. Benedetta is put in charge of running the show.
26 EXT. MAIN SQUARE – DAY
(More interesting setting) The machines build the playground in the old part of the city.
(Intrigue!) The rules are announced. (Send the next and the next until they figure it out)
(Uncomfortable moment) The drones record the action and the show is broadcasted everywhere.
27 EXT. PLAYGROUND – NIGHT
(Character changes radically) Lo leads the robots through the traps, to save Seven.
(Suspense) First deadly trap. Robots and people help each other to go through trials, they make it through. Wasting redundancy.
(Surprise) The one who made the way through the trap first disappears. They have a timer (move or die?).
28 EXT. CITY – NIGHT
(Superior position) What people see on TV is not what’s going on on the playground.
28 EXT. PLAYGROUND – NIGHT
(Suspense) Second deadly trap. Another one dies although they succeed.
(Reveal) The first victim turns up dead.
(External dilemma) A mysterious flying robot kills those who made the way for everyone in previous rounds.
(Major twist) Lo catches a drone and explains that the game is rigged.
30 EXT. CITY – NIGHT
(Reveal) People see how robots keep failing in the game.
31 EXT. PLAYGROUND – NIGHT
(Intrigue) Lo realizes there won’t be any winners. She comes up with a plan.
(Suspense) Third deadly trap.
(Surprise) They die. Lo and seven quit the game by losing. (Drones check that they are dead)
32 EXT. CITY – NIGHT
(Misinterpretation) People rejoice that the robot who started this mess is killed (Lo).
33 EXT. PLAYGROUND – NIGHT
(Internal Dilemma) Other robots keep on, inspired by them.
(Reveal) Lo and Seven escape to look for the flying robot.
(Suspense) Hide and seek with the flying robot.
34 INT. INVENTOR’S HOUSE – MORNING
Lo and Seven find the flying robot’s den, and his wings.
(Reveal) Benedetta is there — it’s a robot, one of the guys who was humiliating Seven in the beginning. He dresses into Benedetta suit. (What was he planning to announce?)
(Mystery) He wants to get rid of other robots so that they can’t protect people from his well-intended plan of ruling them. (Coming up with a plan of attack as he talks).
(Suspense) He tries to kill Lo, Seven fights for her. Lo fights to save Seven. Seven sacrifices itself to reboot Benedetta while Lo thinks Seven has another life left in it. (You are my life)
The drone following Lo had her phone attached to it.
(Major twist) When robot returns to default settings, Lo befriends him to create a new world.
35 EXT. CITY – MORNING
(Uncomfortable moment) People see the recording of Benedetta’s confession from Lo’s phone.
36 INT. LOFT – MORNING
(Internal dilemma) The toys of Lo and Seven holding hands watch the recording.
37 INT. INVENTOR’S HOUSE – MORNING
(Cliffhanger) Lo puts on the wings and steps out of the window. Flies away.
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Valeriya’s High Speed Writing Rules
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way. I love it.
I’m great at the High Speed Writing model!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– I realized there is no need to stop even for a minute trying to improve anything at this stage because everything will be changed many times and some scenes may get removed or replaced, so it would make a “perfect” first draft a waste of time.
How it went using the rules:
It went well. I felt some criticism coming up but ignored it. Gained a new understanding of the purpose of the first draft. It means that RULE 2 really sank in.
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Valeriya’s First Scene
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way. I love it.
I am excited to write this first draft!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– Just writing is a lot of fun.
– I want to master the skill of fast writing and I’m excited about it.
– The answers come as I go, It’s even logical that they can’t all come before I start moving, writing, and asking more questions.
BOO WHO HOO
Horror Thriller
A woman terrorized by the monster under her bed asks it to leave but it comes out with its own plans for her life.
SPARES
Sci-Fi Thriller
During Dehumanization Era when robots get recycled for being too human, a girl brought up by a robot is hard-pressed to prove she isn’t one.
How it went for me:
It was so great to feel the idea turning into screen reality! I loved to see the script format, it made the project feel so real and underway. It was easy. I caught myself once on the thought of leaving the scene unfinished, but I just kept going until it was all done at about 10-30% of its full potential.
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Exchanged feedback with Farrin!
Looking for partners to exchange next.
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Valeriya’s Scene Requirements
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way. I love it.
I have so much fun creating scene requirements for my outline!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– So much story and new ideas keep coming at this stage!
BOO WHO HOO:
A woman terrorized by the monster under her bed asks it to leave but it comes out with its own plans for her life.
INT. IRENE’S PLACE – EVENING
A cat, LUCKY, jumps out of the darkness underneath the bed. As the sun sets, Lucky wakes up IRENE, 26.
Strange noises in the apartment. Nobody there but Irene and Lucky. Hallucinations? Lucky hisses at the darkness under the bed. Irene tells Lucky not to go there.
Irene turns on the TV (not to feel alone). Then she turns on her computer and electric kettle, her desk lamp. All the lights blink. She doesn’t notice she hurts herself (pinching, biting nails and lips).
She has an urgent project to send. She turns off the kettle and makes a disgusting coffee to save electricity that threatens her work. Toothache bothers her.
A call startles her. Irene finds her phone in the bathroom. Her childhood friend, KATY, who is coming to town invites her to meet. Irene looks at herself in the mirror… looks for excuses.
The lights go out. Irene panics making her way to the fuse box. She flips the switches — it doesn’t help. Lucky shrieks in the dark! Something falls.
The phone rings — Katy again. The lights come back on. Irene agrees to meet.
It’s calm in the apartment but Lucky is nowhere to be found.
Scene Arc
From cat waking Irene up to cat disappearing.
Essence
Something bothers Irene and she is afraid of it.
Conflict
Is she insane or is there someone in the house?
Subtext
There is a monster in the house. Irene’s unrealized dreams and suppressed desires have been growing for years. She starts creating a path back to herself.
Hope
It’s only her imagination
Fear
This unknown thing will kill her.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Irene meets her flamboyant happy friend who, thanks to Irenes’ encouragement became a famous DJ (they made a promise to follow their dreams?). Irene’s life is depressing. Katy suggests Irene to see a shrink. Irene doesn’t need it, she’s not crazy. Katy invites her to her concert. Irene has too many things to do, urgent project and the landlord stopping by next week, she needs to put new wallpaper instead of those scratched by a cat.
Scene Arc
From meeting her friend to realizing how unhappy she is.
Essence
Irene inspired her friend who thanks her for success. Irene reconsiders the possibility of being happy again (she never thinks of it as an option for her)
Conflict
The friends could have similar lifestyles but they are very different.
Subtext
Irene needs help, she is wasting her life on being unhappy because of the monster
Hope
She’ll tell her friend the truth
Fear
She won’t ask for help.
INT. IRENE’S PLACE – DAY
Irene throws Katy’s flyer away. Calls puts some food for Lucky, but the cat is not there.
SAME – LATER
A noise wakes her up. Cat food is untouched. It’s getting dark.
Scene Arc
From keeping on hiding to facing the night alone.
Essence
She is truly alone now.
Conflict
It can no longer keep on like that.
Subtext
She needs help.
Hope
It was a cat
Fear
That something will come out.
INT. NIGHT STORE – NIGHT
Irene asks to put a missing cat poster in the store. The locals refer to her as weirdo, but the owner of the shop, THEO, shushes them. He gives her some candy on the house.
Scene Arc
From keeping on hiding to facing the night alone.
Essence
She is truly alone now.
Conflict
It can no longer keep on like that.
Subtext
She needs help.
Hope
It was a cat
Fear
That something will come out.
INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
Irene sticks the wallpaper. She senses there’s someone in the house. It’s not a cat — she finds the cat’s collar. She turns on the TV. It turns off.
The bulbs go off and she has to change them. Irene sees a scary shadow. It’s made by harmless stuff.
The new bulb goes off as well. Irene runs —
Scene Arc
From going about her night to freaking out
Essence
Whatever it is it won’t leave her alone.
Conflict
Her vs it
Subtext
That’s when her soul creates the dark images
Hope
She can escape.
Fear
Something will get her in the dark.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Someone groans and grabs Irene in the dark. A match sheds some light on the situation — it’s Irene’s neighbor, old guy NORMAN. He’s had problems with electricity as well. He gives her a candle.
Scene Arc
From freaking out to having to go back to her place.
Essence
Electricity is an issue in the whole building.
Conflict
She takes her neighbor for a monster.
Subtext
Is it only in her head?
Hope
She can get away
Fear
It’s a monster
INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
Irene looks for her phone with the candle. Someone kills the flame. She freaks out. The light comes back. She sees her scared face in the mirror. Googles “shrink near me”.
Scene Arc
From coming back to danger to looking for help (N3?)
Essence
Decision to change something.
Conflict
The presence of something bad.
Subtext
She can’t stay one on one with her fears.
Hope
There’s no one
Fear
She will die
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
Irene tells the shrink about her feelings and suspicions. Shrink recommends Irene to talk to the monster under the bed. She also mentions that Irene deserves to take better care of herself, do something relaxing and fun.
Scene Arc
From distrust to surprise
Essence
Irene uses the monster as an excuse for her inaction
Conflict
She wants to have fun, find love, create
Subtext
Shrink knows what’s going on. (have you tried to talk to it? what does it want?)
Hope
It was all her imagination
Fear
it will get worse
INT. CORNER STORE – NIGHT
Irene buys a small bottle of wine in the small store. Theo asks her if she needs a company. She makes it a big bottle to says she already has a company.
Scene Arc
From a glimmer of hope to Irene shutting down
Essence
He likes her.
Conflict
She shoves him off
Subtext
She can’t have relationship with anyone as she is already in relationship with a monster
Hope
She’ll say yes.
Fear
She’ll push him away
INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
Irene has some wine and talks to the darkness under her bed. She asks Boo to come out of there and let her enjoy life. While she turns away her wine disappears from the glass she poured herself.
Irene gathers the courage to look under the bed, but there’s nobody…
She goes back to work. Her computer flashes weird glitches.
Something breaks! Lucky came back?
Irene goes to investigate and steps on the broken glass. She picks up the photo of her family that fell, thus the glass.
The entrance door is open. She closes it.
Scared, Irene calls he mom to ask if everything is okay. After scolding Irene for never calling and then scaring her by calling and waking up her granddaughter, her mom who invites her to come over for a weekend. Irene just wanted an advice for her toothache. Irene talks to her niece about dreaming sweet dreams, favorite sweets and other things.
The entrance door is open ajar. Something moves around and behind Irene. There’s something small in the doorway. It’s a ball — crumpled flyer for Katy’s party that Irene threw away. She picks it up and straightens it out.
The lights blink. A scary monster briefly reflects in the mirror standing behind Irene. She grabs her jacket and gets out.
Scene Arc
From soul rendering conversation to running in terror
Essence
Boo looks for ways to help Irene help it. (what makes this monster feel better?)
Conflict
Irene and monster in the same space
Subtext
Boo comes out, believing that Irene can help it.
Hope
She’s just drunk
Fear
The monster won’t go away
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Something follows Irene as she runs. She sees the monster in the shadows in the gallery window, waiting for her at every turn. She rushes to the safety of the nightclub.
Scene Arc
From escaping outside to hiding inside
Essence
Her every through meets the monster, she can’t run away from it.
Conflict
Can’t get rid of it.
Subtext
The monster pushes her to enjoy life
Hope
She can meet someone the monster is afraid of
Fear
It will catch up with her.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Irene hides in the club. The monster is in the crowd, keeps chasing her. She reaches the bar. Picks up a strong guy — she doesn’t want to be alone tonight.
Scene Arc
From being alone in the crowd to getting a date
Essence
She avoids dealing with real issues
Conflict
The guy doesn’t know what’s going on
Subtext
The fear attracted them
Hope
The monster will calm down
Fear
It will kill both of them
INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
She brings him home and locks the door and windows to keep the monster out. Lights are on. Someone in her bed under the blanket… pillows.
The guy steps into something sticky — it’s everywhere, he peels the wallpaper, soils his hands with red, as if the walls under where bleeding, tears off more wallpaper, gets scared of the glue and visions of hell and runs away.
Scene Arc
From making out to running in horror
Essence
When it feels wrong it’s wrong
Conflict
She wants him to stay but monster chases him away
Subtext
It wakes his own fears within him
Hope
he can scare the monster away
Fear
He leaves her
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
The guy runs away from the monster and dies a horrible death.
Scene Arc
From escaping to safety to dying.
Essence
running from death to meet death
Conflict
The monster is after the guy
Subtext
He was trying to escape from his own monster
Hope
he can escape
Fear
There’s no escape
INT. IRENE’S PLACE – DAY
Irene’s hand hangs from the bed, something that’s under the bed… grabs her! It’s a dream. Irene wakes up scared.
The TV is on it shows the guy who died. She turns the TV off. It turns on — her friend died as well. She can’t find the remote control to turn it off. She yells at the monster to come out. The tooth is killing her.
Scene Arc
Waking up alone to arguing with the monster.
Essence
People she knows die.
Conflict
Why torture here without killing
Subtext
She is the one burying herself alive
Hope
It has nothing to do with her
Fear
she is next
INT. DENTIST’S OFFICE – DAY
Irene goes to the dentist to pull her wisdom tooth. The monster comes back. She runs away from the dentist without treatment.
Scene Arc
From committing to treatment to running away without any
Essence
Her fear is all over her
Conflict
Monster is always with her
Subtext
She can’t get better if she doesn’t get through to her fear
Hope
It will all get better from here
Fear
The doctor is a monster
INT./EXT. TRAIN – DAY
Irene falls asleep on the train. Once the train is in the tunnel the monster appears to be sitting next to her.
Scene Arc
Alone to being with a monster.
Essence
It’s her life now and she can’t run away.
Conflict
She is exhausted
Subtext
It’s everywhere she goes.
Hope
She is heading towards solution
Fear
Something bad is ahead.
INT. IRENE’S CHILDHOOD HOME – DAY
When Irene’s mom reminds her that she’s turning 30 (26) and she is still alone, Irene says she is not alone, that’s the thing. Why didn’t she tell them? She wanted it to be a surprise. She introduces the monster and invites it to the table. Everyone believes a guy is about to come in. They wait. Irene’s niece checks the hallway and comes back quiet. Mom goes to welcome the guest. Nobody. Stupid joke. Irene’s niece confirms the monster is real.
Scene Arc
From keeping status quo to facing her family
Essence
Monster makes Irene face her parents
Conflict
Her family contributed a lot to creating a monster
Subtext
The monster is there. He knows her intimately.
Hope
It’s a joke
Fear
It will come out
INT. IRENE’S CHILDHOOD HOME – NIGHT
Irene’s niece gives her cryptic advice on dealing with monsters. She tells her that when she is afraid she thinks about the things she loves, asks Irene about what makes her happy.
Irene’s sister is pregnant, it’s heavy, but she doesn’t mind, at least her husband tries not to hit her when she is pregnant. And her husband is going away on a business trip (which might be a pleasure trip).
Irene uses her nieces trick to keep monsters at bay.
Scene Arc
From bright child back to gloom
Essence
Both sisters have their monsters by choice
Conflict
Horrible family and the kid in danger of becoming a victim
Subtext
Everyone has a choice to grow up being happy
Hope
The monster won’t touch them
Fear
They will all die
SAME – LATER
Irene’s father dies. (Does she talk to him before?)
Scene Arc
Noises in the house to dead father
Essence
Irene’s father dies
Conflict
she brings it everywhere
Subtext
The place is haunted by unrealized dreams
Hope
he is alive and tried to move
Fear
He is dead
INT. IRENE’S CHILDHOOD HOME – DAY
After funeral monster lurks between people. Irene can hardly follow what’s going on.
Scene Arc
From bright child back to gloom
Essence
Both sisters have their monsters by choice
Conflict
Horrible family and the kid in danger of becoming a victim
Subtext
Everyone has a choice to grow up being happy
Hope
The monster won’t touch them
Fear
They will all die
INT. IRENE’S PLACE – DAY
Irene stands in the middle of the mess. Cat food is gone.
She cries on her bed. Someone or something cries with her, when she stops it keeps on.
Understanding she can’t run away, Irene decides to pretend she is a friend of the monster and will do whatever it wants her to do. Irene negotiates with the monster about finding unrelated victims if there must be victims.
Scene Arc
From crying about her life to forsaking it
Essence
She thinks the evil is on the outside
Conflict
With the monster.
Subtext
It cries about itself as well.
Hope
The solution will work
Fear
The solution will work
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Irene and the monster go out to kill someone. Looking for the victim.
Scene Arc
From searching to finding the victim
Essence
Unable to sustain her pain Irene decides to hurt people
Conflict
She is becoming a monster.
Subtext
Pain
Hope
She will kill someone
Fear
Monster will kill her
INT. NIGHT STORE – NIGHT
They come to a 24/7 shop. She buys painkillers. Irene and Theo have a convo on dealing with pian vs. killing it. There’s something in the store. Irene and Theo hide from the monster. The video disconnects and electricity goes out. Theo leads Irene out of the store.
Scene Arc
From pretending she is there to buy something to luring Theo out for the monster.
Essence
Boo wants Irene to come out of her shell
Conflict
Irene wants to kill Theo, but gets to like him too
Subtext
It’s how they met thanks to the monster that means well
Hope
Theo will survive
Fear
He’ll die because of her
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Theo walks Irene back to her place. She invites him to come up. He passes until she feels better.
Scene Arc
From seeing her off to sending her off
Essence
He has plans for her
Conflict
He is planning to live happily ever after, she is planning to kill
Subtext
He doesn’t know he is a part of her plan
Hope
She changes her mind
Fear
He will get into her trap
INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
Thunder. Pouring rain. Red, brown and black goo is everywhere. Now Irene is the one hiding under the bed. It’s on, the monster and Irene have to sort it out now. Finally Irene tries to kill herself.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Irene’s mom brings the niece who has to stay with Irene, whose pregnant sister is in hospital.
Irene tries to protect the kid from the monster, but the monster is way more powerful. Irene is pleading for the girl, but actually — for her true self.
Irene understands that the monster wants to die. She hugs it. The monster falls apart, and it gives her what it was made of — all of it. The monster is made of every desire Irene ever gave up on, it was not trying to kill Irene, was asking for help.
The lights go on, the kid wakes up and discovers the treasures.
Scene Arc
From suicidal to self-accepting
Essence
Irene finally sees herself and what matters to her.
Conflict
She can die all she wants but she can’t let the kid die
Subtext
Irene can no longer ignore her life.
Hope
She will find a way to win
Fear
The monster will kill the kid
EXT. IRENE’S PLACE – MORNING
Emergency takes Irene away.
Scene Arc
From emergency coming to taking Irene away.
Essence
Her tooth added a lot to this story of suffering.
Conflict
It could be all different if she took care of herself to start with.
Subtext
She is the one turning herself into a monster with pain.
Hope
She’ll be ok.
Fear
She is dying without realizing any of her dreams.
EXT. STREET – DAY
Irene becomes an artist who can see others’ monsters. Her paintings are in the gallery. She dates Theo.
Scene Arc
From looking at the paintings to getting a compliment for her work.
Essence
She changed.
Conflict
Is she still hesitating to go after her dreams?
Subtext
She lives her life without holding back or postponing anything
Hope
It’s not a dream.
Fear
It’s only another dream.
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
Irene tells the shrink she no longer needs therapy. Turns out it’s not a monster tortured her, but her unrealized dreams that she neglected. Monsters don’t exist. She leaves.
There are plenty of monsters lurking under shrink’s couch.
Scene Arc
From thanking the shrink for showing her there are no monsters to a bunch of monsters under the couch.
Essence
Everyone has a monster but it takes courage to face yours.
Conflict
it’s not over.
Subtext
There are many dreams to be realized.
Hope
It’s a happy end.
Fear
It’s only the beginning.
______________________________
SPARES: During Dehumanization Era when robots get recycled for being too human, a girl brought up by a robot is hard-pressed to prove she isn’t one.
INT. TEST CENTER – DAY
Year 37 A.I.
In the queue of people mostly accompanied by their crying friends, a teenage girl LO waits for her turn to take a test — alone. Someone asks her how many lives she has left. She thinks the one she has is worthless.
Scene Arc
From Lo observing others to her thinking of her own life.
Essence
It’s a pivotal moment in her life.
Conflict
How bad and dangerous can this be? Why doesn’t she value her life?
Subtext
Here Lo begins her real path — from switching to introspection.
Hope
She will find something to hold on to in her experience.
Fear
Life is pointless.
EXT. CITY – DAY – REWIND TIMELAPS
Drone view: A futuristic city full of skyscrapers and huge screen panels turns back to a recognizable state of 21st century megapolis.
Scene Arc
From now to back when it all started.
Essence
Life is changing.
Conflict
There’s no way back.
Subtext
Lo’s story is the story is not only her story.
Hope
Her life was good.
Fear
Horrible things happened to her.
FLASHBACK
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Year 21 A.I.
A young androgynous person, SEVEN, kills an old guy. The personnel tries to capture them but Seven grabs the sunpowered wings and jumps off the window and flies away.
Scene Arc
From the inventor being alive to dead and friend becoming a killer.
Essence
The inventor succeeded to create the most human robot.
Conflict
7 Doesn’t want to kill the inventor who wants to die. Robots are supposed to listen to the orders, but this one has a choice.
Subtext
It’s the most human step anyone could do.
Hope
7 can escape.
Fear
He will get caught.
EXT. CITY – DAY
On the news NURSE AGATHA talks about how dangerous the equality between robots and humans became, and that it’s time for a change. That the killerbot has to be immediately killed but who knows where to find it.
Scene Arc
From harmonious coexistence between people and robots to people’s rage.
Essence
The split opens.
Conflict
People turn against robots
Subtext
It’s a misunderstanding.
Hope
The truth will be discovered.
Fear
The war will play ou
INT. INVENTOR’S HOUSE – DAY
Seven lets the birds out of the cage, takes inventor’s phone and sneaks out a moment before the police break in.
Scene Arc
From being home alone to leaving forever.
Essence
This robot has no meaning to keep on living for, and it’s in danger.
Conflict
The police is in the house.
Subtext
This robot was created to be special.
Hope
It will notice the police
Fear
The police will get Seven.
EXT. CITY – DAY
A bunch of young vandals play darts with public property. They notice Seven flying high and take off in the same direction.
Scene Arc
From relatively harmless entertainment to getting up to no good.
Essence
These people are looking for their next victim
Conflict
Between themselves.
Subtext
Hurt people hurt people.
Hope
Nobody will get hurt.
Fear
Seven is in danger.
EXT. BACKSTREET – DAY
Seven watches the inventor’s message on the phone. The vandals circle and torture Seven. They let it escape only to play a cruel chase game.
Scene Arc
From moving emotional moment to running from hell.
Essence
Disadvantages of being robots or humans. Seven has free will it can’t use.
Conflict
Vandals torture Seven who can’t stand up for itself.
Subtext
One of them is the villain. He knows how to control robots.
Hope
Seven will fight back
Fear
They will destroy Seven.
EXT. WASTELAND – EVENING
Seven comes to the dump site for robots, breaks its connection to the network, finds a bar to kill itself when — a baby cries nearby. Seven finds a box with a human child in it, comforts the child.
The gang with weapons comes to looks for Seven.
Seven takes the baby and soars with it — they got shot down by the gang. Police finds only the broken wings.
Scene Arc
Suicidal to saving life.
Essence
Seven can’t leave the baby.
Conflict
Seven can neither stay nor run.
Subtext
Robots are kinder than people.
Hope
For the baby and seven to get to safety.
Fear
This won’t end well.
EXT/INT. MOTEL – EVENING
Neighbors watch TV: hatred for robots — squareheads — grows with the help of the news about missing people and flying killerbot. A year later Seven gives the baby her name, Lo, and a toy — two rag dolls looking like them. Neighbors hear the baby and call the police. Seven and Lo escape.
Scene Arc
Secret birthday to running again.
Essence
Human touch in the less and less human moment.
Conflict
It’s not a life for a baby but there are no better options.
Subtext
Only robot cares for this kid. How will she turn out?
Hope
It’s safe and they can be together.
Fear
They will be broken apart.
EXT. CITY – DAY
A few years later, Screens on the streets: the Nurse is now in politics, debating with two others, Benedetta, and Jeronimo. In the news, a dehumanization program is introduced to lower the amount of robots in the society in a way that’s respectful of every citizen’s rights. Every human-looking robot is sent to recycling. The humans get released.
Scene Arc
From violence to order.
Essence
Inevitability of robots’ demise.
Conflict
It’s not a solution because one party is going to be lawfully killed.
Subtext
Life gets more dangerous for Seven.
Hope
They’ll find a way around it.
Fear
Seven will have to be recycled.
INT./EXT. ABANDONED BUILDING – NIGHT
Lo asks difficult questions. During the police raid, Seven risks its life to save little Lo’s toy, loses one life and leaves the kid alone.
Scene Arc
From philosophical discussion to a tragedy.
Essence
The kid’s trust broken.
Conflict
Their way out is also blocked.
Subtext
No matter how much Seven cares it can’t give Lo everything. Seven loses one life — or two — and lo doesn’t know.
Hope
Their time together is running out.
Fear
Their time together is running out. Seven may die even before recycling.
INT. SCHOOL – DAY
Lo gets ridiculed and called a squarehead for being too smart. She tries to be less than what she is in order to blend in.
Scene Arc
From loving being one of people to understanding it’s mot the case.
Essence
Lo starts hiding her true self.
Conflict
She wants to be average to fit in.
Subtext
She is better than an average human
Hope
She won’t go down this road
Fear
How can she not go down this road?
INT. HOLIDAY HOME – DAY
Lo learns to catch spy-drones so that the two of them avoid the test.
Scene Arc
From an argument about right and wrong to Lo saving Seven.
Essence
They need each other the same way.
Conflict
She rebels against the computer knowledge (next: you’ll never understand me)
Subtext
Challenge of defining oneself
Hope
They’ll find common ground
Fear
They’ll drift apart and be unhappy.
EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
Lo gladly shares a common human experience by participating in a robot-hating game.
Scene Arc
From being alone to joining the game and believing it.
Essence
Pulled into mainstream.
Conflict
She has to choose between being alone and being bad
Subtext
she is fighting herself and losing
Hope
she can resist
Fear
She will always be alone
INT. LOFT – NIGHT
Years later, teenage Lo argues with Seven about dating and all other human experiences. She doesn’t catch a spy-drone, so it scans their faces and prints an invitation for Seven to take a humanity test. Lo leaves with a guy who came to pick her up.
Scene Arc
From arguing to breaking up
Essence
She betrays her robot
Conflict
Robot logic doesn’t apply
Subtext
Seven failed at its mission (I’m not your project)
Hope
She’ll save Seven
Fear
She will leave Seven for dead.
INT. LOFT – DAY
Lo comes back crying. From behind the closed door Seven asks her to see it off, since it will be recycled today — but hears the door shutting, Lo leaves. The time goes by, she doesn’t come back. Time to go, but Seven can’t find its invitation for the test.
END FLASHBACK
Scene Arc
From hoping to make up before the end to being left alone to deal with it, to discovering Lo left to pass the test.
Essence
Lo realized her choice was wrong.
Conflict
Emotional discord
Subtext
Lo starts understanding what matters to her most, she decides to take the test instead of Seven.
Hope
They can make up
Fear
It will be too late to change anything.
INT. TEST CENTER – DAY
Lo has Seven’s invitation. She takes the test and is scheduled for recycling as a robot! She says she is not a robot and robots follow her example.
Scene Arc
From planning to save her friend to being sent to recycling.
Essence
Lo is taken for a robot
Conflict
Useless to argue with a machine. Huge mistake.
Subtext
Lo is special. Something is wrong with the test if people are taking for the robots. What’s going on?
Hope
the situation will be clarified
Fear
Lo will be killed.
INT. COURT – DAY
A bunch of robots claiming they are not robots, and Lo, stand before the judges. Lo can’t answer usual questions about her origins and common human experiences (Seven watching the broadcast answers them differently at the same time). Lo must find a human who can confirm she is not a robot (who knows her intimately or from childhood). The whole world is given 10 minutes to vouch for her.
Scene Arc
From a chance to prove she is a human, to being unable to do so
Essence
There’s no way to prove you are a person.
Conflict
Her word against machine’s word.
Subtext
She doesn’t meet the requirements of being human. She sends Seven a message to not blow their cover.
Hope
Someone can recognize her.
Fear
She will be recycled.
EXT. CITY – DAY
Seven runs through the city to find Lo’s boyfriend. The boyfriend looking for fame tells on TV that he happened to date her and she must certainly be a squarehead since it didn’t go very far between them, which is unusual for him.
Scene Arc
From looking for that guy to that guy betraying Lo
Essence
Her being on the side of her robot and all robots.
Conflict
The guy is a liar seeking revenge.
Subtext
Lo gives a message to Seven instead of the guy.
Hope
The guy will talk about their affair.
Fear
The time will run out.
INT./EXT. VAN – DAY
Lo and others are sent to recycling facility. The TV debate between Nurse, Benedetta, and Jeronimo (about how manipulative and sneaky robots became) gets even more heated. Seven hides under the van to get in.
Scene Arc
Trying to escape to failing.
Essence
Tricking the system. What used to work doesn’t
Conflict
The reality and the image of it
Subtext
Seven is there trying to find a solution.
Hope
They can find a way out.
Fear
They will fail
INT. RECYCLING FACILITY – DAY
The relentless recycling line takes the robots apart in the most utilitarian fashion. Seven can’t stop it. Lo comes up with a way to trick it. All of them escape.
Scene Arc
Being on the death row to escaping
Essence
The great escape.
Conflict
The machine is unstoppable
Subtext
It kills everyone.
Hope
They can stop the killing line.
Fear
There is nothing they can do.
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
The robots are chased by the police, they split. Seven, Lo and F11 hide together.
Scene Arc
From danger to safety.
Essence
They are on their own.
Conflict
With the police and the whole world
Subtext
F11 covers his 6.
Hope
they will be safe
Fear
they will get shot down.
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
Nurse Agatha found dead.
Scene Arc
From the fact to multitude of conclusions
Essence
She had a clue and now she is dead.
Conflict
The main opponent of robots is dead. Who wanted her dead and why?
Subtext
She knew too much
Hope
It won’t be as bad for the robots now.
Fear
It will get worse.
EXT. MAIN SQUARE – NIGHT
Some robots including Seven are caught. Lo comes to defend them. Other people join. The society gets divided.
Scene Arc
From a few citizens’s conflict to full blown civil war brewing.
Essence
It’s about the principles of humanity.
Conflict
Between the citizens.
Subtext
Human can’t stand the robots being better than them
Hope
Now they will listen.
Fear
They will send them back to recycle. There are no decent people left.
INT. COURT – NIGHT
The governors and politicians look for solutions. They agree on creating a fair elimination game with the help of human citizens. Everyone votes for it. People send their suggestions. Benedetta is put in charge of running the show.
Scene Arc
from radical to civilized option
Essence
find the solutions without robots.
Conflict
between the sides, pressure of the crowd
Subtext
Benedetta controls the situation.
Hope
they’ll come up with a good idea
Fear
they will go for the worst solution.
EXT. MAIN SQUARE – DAY
The machines build the playground in the old part of the city. The rules are announced. The drones record the action and the show is broadcasted everywhere.
Scene Arc
From idea to completion
Essence
The trap is built by the whole world
Conflict
People are cruel.
Subtext
Benedetta builds another killing machine.
Hope
It will be interesting and Lo can make it through this time.
Fear
All the great robots will die.
EXT. PLAYGROUND – NIGHT
Lo leads the robots through the traps, to save her robot. Robots and people help each other to go through trials.
A mysterious flying robot kills those who made the way for everyone in previous rounds.
Scene Arc
From succeeding to realizing it’s all in vain.
Essence
They work together and it’s the only way to survive.
Conflict
Game and killerbot vs players
Subtext
This game is not made to be won.
Hope
They can make it.
Fear
Whoever survived will be killed by the killerbot
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
What people see on TV is not what’s going on on the playground.
Scene Arc
From truth to lie.
Essence
People are happy with what they are being given and don’t question it.
Conflict
Realities.
Subtext
Someone manipulates the game and how it ends doesn’t depend on the players.
Hope
It will get discovered.
Fear
What are we afraid will happen?
EXT. PLAYGROUND – NIGHT
Lo catches a drone and explains that the game is rigged.
Scene Arc
From truth to lie.
Essence
People are happy with what they are being given and don’t question it.
Conflict
Realities.
Subtext
Someone manipulates the game and how it ends doesn’t depend on the players.
Hope
It will get discovered.
Fear
What are we afraid will happen?
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
People see how robots keep failing in the game.
Scene Arc
From truth to lie.
Essence
People are happy with what they are being given and don’t question it.
Conflict
Realities.
Subtext
Someone manipulates the game and how it ends doesn’t depend on the players.
Hope
It will get discovered.
Fear
What are we afraid will happen?
EXT. PLAYGROUND – NIGHT
Lo realizes there won’t be any winners. She messes with the broadcasted narrative. Lo and seven quit the game by losing.
Scene Arc
From realizing what’s going on to dying.
Essence
They decide to make it fast.
Conflict
what is and what is presented.
Subtext
They quit the game because they want to win it.
Hope
they can make it.
Fear
they are dead
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
People rejoice the robot who started this mess is killed (Lo).
Scene Arc
From disbelief to celebration.
Essence
This is the end of the fight.
Conflict
How could they quit to make the crowd happy?
Subtext
They are alive. The villain got the bait. the face the society chose.
Hope
the others will find a way
Fear
it’s over for everyone involved.
EXT. PLAYGROUND – NIGHT
Lo and Seven escape to look for the flying robot as other robots keep on, inspired by them.
Scene Arc
From inspired robots keeping on to Lo and Seven chasing flying robots.
Essence
They are on the way to solve the mystery.
Conflict
leaving the others to die.
Subtext
all this is about to explode
Hope
they will uncover the truth
Fear
they will get tracked and killed by the flying robot.
INT. INVENTOR’S HOUSE – MORNING
Lo and Seven find the flying robot’s den, and his wings. The robot is there — it’s one of the guys who was humiliating Seven in the beginning. He has a mask — it’s Benedetta.
He wants to get rid of other robots so that they can’t protect people from his well intended plan of ruling them.
He tries to kill Lo, Seven fights for her. Lo fights to save Seven. Seven sacrifices itself to kill Benedetta while Lo thinks Seven has another life left in it. (You are my life)
The drone following Lo had her phone attached to it.
Scene Arc
from finding the den to Seven defeating the flying robot.
Essence
the final battle with someone who could be smarter than anyone, with the master of the game.
Conflict
Struggle of the robots.
Subtext
It’s being recorded. who they became through their journey helps them to save the world. he knew they were coming and prepared a surprise for them.
Hope
they win
Fear
they die
EXT. CITY – MORNING
People see the recording of Benedetta’s confession from Lo’s phone.
Scene Arc
From delusion to people waking up
Essence
the truth comes out
Conflict
The price of the revelation
Subtext
They were blind to their own blindness
Hope
It will be a new world
Fear
they won’t get it
INT. LOFT – MORNING
The toys of Lo and Seven holding hands watch the recording.
Scene Arc
From news to dolls
Essence
it’s their legacy
Conflict
Seven had to die for it
Subtext
they are the most human we have met in this film
Hope
there will be a new story
Fear
lo will get disappointed and bitter like the other robot.
INT. INVENTOR’S HOUSE – MORNING
Lo puts on the wings and steps out of the window.
Scene Arc
from mourning to Lo getting the wings
Essence
She became herself
Conflict
She is alone now
Subtext
It takes everything she’s got
Hope
She will change the world
Fear
She will get vengeful. (she should find another message from inventor to avoid that)
-
Valeriya’s Intriguing Moments
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I am great at discovering and creating intriguing moments!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– This is a super cool and easy way to create a story to start with.
– This way it’s easier to see what needs to be set up.
– It’s a relief to see things coming together after they’ve been a mess for a while – there was no need to worry about it.
– Got a few interesting ideas.
7RDRD4: Robots became too human and people start the dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
1
Intrigue
– What is this place where Lo talks to strangers?
– Why her life was not worth trying?
Secret
– A robot brings up a baby.
Covert agenda
– Benedict lets 7 go when he has a chance to kill it.
Hidden identity
– Who is the flying robot? Is 7 a killer?
Conspiracy
– 7 and Lo have a secret about their strange family.
Scheme
– Who needs to get rid of robots and why?
Superior position
– 7 is not a murderer
Cover up
– Lo going to take the test instead of 7.
Mystery
– Is a flying robot real?
2
Intrigue
– Recycling is used for killing people
Secret
– 7 tries to save Lo
Covert agenda
– To persuade the public that the program is perfect
Hidden identity
– Lo pretends the invitation was for her
Conspiracy
– F11 spies for whoever can promise safety
Scheme
– Lie about the murder attempt
Superior position
– Nobody believes Lo is a human and she can’t prove it not to hurt her friend
Cover up
– Nurse’s death is on the robots
Mystery
– Who kills the nurse who knew too much?
3
Intrigue
– Who is who and how many lives they have.
Secret
– They mislead the drones
Covert agenda
– F11 works against them
Hidden identity
– They mix up robots and people.
Conspiracy
– They team up to be smarter and help one another
Scheme
– The game is meant to show how bad robots are and to kill anyone who succeeds.
Superior position
– Another trap is on the other side of the trap.
Cover up
– The audience gets a different story
Mystery
– Who is killing who
4
Intrigue
– Who is going to win this battle and how?
Secret
– Lo is making a record of the conversation (showing two different versions?)
Covert agenda
– To expose what’s going on
Hidden identity
– Benedict is a robot.
Conspiracy
– He sets up their death to make them look guilty.
Scheme
– The two have a plan they act upon for a while.
Superior position
– 7 has no spare lives
Cover up
– Benedict can manipulate public opinion because he is connected to everything.
Mystery
– Benedict took 7’s wings and now lured him out to make him a villain.
BOO WHO HOO: Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.
1
Intrigue
– Something in the house or so she thinks
Secret
– She refuses to listen but then changes her mind
Covert agenda
– To get her life back
Hidden identity
– Ugly monster is her best friend
Conspiracy
– She makes a deal with the monster
Scheme
– Help her no matter what
Superior position
– No one can imagine how scared she is and how miserable her life is
Cover up
– She hides her personal life
Mystery
– Why she lives like this
2
Intrigue
– Do people die because of Irene?
Secret
– The monster is what makes people feel bad.
Covert agenda
– Monster pushes Irene to enjoy life
Hidden identity
– Happy person living her life to the fullest
Conspiracy
– The monster is attracted by other people’s desires
Scheme
– To help her come to terms with her past
Superior position
– The monster is there when she thinks she got rid of it.
Cover up
– She goes to escape, not because she wanted
Mystery
– Family relationship.
3
Intrigue
– Will he become a victim?
Secret
– The monster helps her
Covert agenda
– To get rid of the monster, pass it on
Hidden identity
– Her being a monster
Conspiracy
– With the monster about the victims
Scheme
– To feed the guy to the monster
Superior position
– The guy is in danger
Cover up
– Painkillers
Mystery
– What the monster wants
4
Intrigue
– How is she going to protect the girl?
Secret
– She created it
Covert agenda
– Save the girl
Hidden identity
– Creator
Conspiracy
– Their initial agreement
Scheme
– Bring her back to life
Superior position
– She is not alone.
Cover up
– It was a good monster
Mystery
– How can she overcome her fear?
-
Hi!
Catching up here. My outlines will be ready for feedback in five days. If you could benefit from having the same deadline, let’s exchange then! valeriya.ordinartseva@gmail.com
Concept 1
Horror Thriller
Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.
Concept 2
Sci-Fi Thriller
Robots became too human and people start a dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
-
Valeriya’s Emotional Moments
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I absolutely love causing my audience to feel emotional.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– I have plenty of opportunities for emotional moments yet I need to focus on just a few of them and make them different and rising.
7RDRD4: Robots became too human and people start a dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
1
+ Making a toy for her
+ Saving the baby
– Killing the only person who cares
– Humiliation by the gang
2
+ Making up in a dangerous moment
+ Courage: not giving her robot away
+ Grown up conversation
– Argument where both get hurt
– Betrayal by boyfriend
3
+ Courage: saving people and robots alike
+ People standing with their robots.
– Death of people and their friends
– Betrayal by F11
4
+ Good intentions of the villain
+ Lo teaching 7 about life and how precious it is to her
– Readiness to die for each other.
– Death of 7
BOO WHO HOO: Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.
1
+ Bonding: Her friend remembering and caring
+ Love: Missing herself
– Distress: Fear of the monster
– Weakness: Victim of her own beliefs
2
+ Success: coming out to family
+ Love and courage: kid.
– Moral issue: using a guy from the club.
– Wound: Awful parents and childhood, guilt.
3
+ Bonding, excitement: real relationship with the guy.
+ Courage: fighting the monster.
– Distress: Physical pain
– Sacrifice: The guy she likes
4
+ Courage: facing her fears.
+ Surprise: it was not her fears but desires.
– Emotional dilemma: her or the kid.
– Doesn’t let anyone close but the monster.
-
Valeriya’s Reveals!
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I am great at discovering cool reveals!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– Isolating the task really helps.
– I don’t need to have it all figured out until the final draft.
7RDRD4: Robots became too human and people start dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
Act 1 – Rules and relationships
Opening
(AJ: Beginning: Benedict is sent out into the world and is mistreated by people.)
Lo is in a queue, a robot asks her how many lives she has left (hoping it won’t be too messy). That’s where Lo starts thinking about her life. Says her life doesn’t matter anyway.
Some people cry.
__________
PJ: Inciting Incident: 7 kills the inventor. A robot kills a person putting the existence of all human-like robots in danger. 7 refuses to take orders then changes its mind.
__________
7 frees the birds and picks up the phone. Robot hunt begins. The police and then a gang is after 7. Benedict gets an idea to use 7 to start the dehumanization project. 7 surprises the boys with its unrobot-like behavior.
__________
Inciting Incident
PJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Beginning: Throwing itself away, the robot finds a baby girl in the waste. Benedict and his gang chase 7 for being superior to humans. 7 risks its life to come back for the baby when it has a chance to run. Benedict lets 7 go when he has a chance to kill it.
__________
Genre: PJ: Act 2: AJ: Inciting Incident: It brings up the human child, hiding and protecting it from the cruel society that let the child down. Loses its wings. 7 finds more and more clever ways to hide and smart ways to protect them.
An evasive flying robot kills people who served the rise of AI. He seizes an opportunity to take control of growing hatred in an underhanded way to turn it against people. A new voice for peace appears in the media. People disappear. 7 assumes someone’e ID. Breaks the law to hide the baby. Lo tries to be like other kids at school.
7 teaches Lo about algorithm and inspiration
__________
People invite robots to come for recycling if they want to be of service. People disappear and our robot uses their IDs.
Benedict organizes a search for killerbot and missing persons.
7 loses one redundancy system and explains Lo he had only four. Troubleshooting session.
__________
Lo catches the drones.
Deeper Layer: Thinking for oneself is frowned upon.
Turning Point
Genre: People decide to get rid of human robots altogether. Benedict leads the way in an eco-friendly fashion (voluntary).
Deeper Layer: What’s going on is dehumanization of people, not robots. People volunteer to recycle their friends.
Lo wants to be normal. 7 teaches her that she is a perfect human being already. She tells 7 it would be better if it got recycled because it’s useless.
7 teaches her about how sometimes the wrong thing is the right thing to do
Usefulness of robots becomes the main point in the discussion of the value of their life
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
__________
The robot who saved the baby gets an invitation to the humanity test.
__________
An argument, Lo leaves to go on a date
The teen girl steals the invitation to pass the test instead of her robot.
PJ: Inciting Incident: Her robot gets recycling invitation and she goes to pass the test instead of it.
Deeper Layer: People are asked to betray their robots and out of fear they do exactly that
7 teaches Lo that life is not about serving and being useful but about creation and taking pleasure in life
__________
Benedict advocates for fair trial for all and seizes an opportunity to make the laws for people stricter. The girl fails, she is recognized to be a robot and is sent to recycling. Turns on people who betray her once again.
Robots get mutilated by people
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
______________________________
Act 2 – Real life (being normal doesn’t cut it)
New plan
7 runs to the boyfriend to ask him for help. Lo appeals to court and fails. Her boyfriend betrays her.
Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A girl and her robot try to survive the recycling program.
__________
PJ: Turning Point 1: Her test shows she is a robot and she is sent to recycling. She gives up.
__________
PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The girl is about to be killed because of 7. 7 finds the way into recycling facility.
Genre: Deeper Layer: There are traces of murders in the recycling facility. Someone was killed there.
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
Benedict tells a story of a murder attempt by a flying robot.
__________
Plan in action
AJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Act 2: PJ: Act 3: The robot saves the girl and others. She decides to fight for her only friend. They escape from recycling and dehumanization program. (F11, Belle, Copper)
They hide. Their relationship get deeper.
__________
Midpoint Turning Point
F11 reveals where they are.
TPJ: Turning Point 3: They get caught.
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
The robot with the wings is after them.
__________
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Lo starts robot and human unrest. Stands up for all of them, for alternative thinking. Catches a drone. 7 learns from Lo to be human.
Some people join.
AJ: Act 2: He attempts to stop the riot. Suggests very convincing plan.
______________________________
Act 3 – Survival game
Rethink everything
Deeper Layer: The voice of reason gets turned inside out (as if he protects robots)
AJ Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Suggests a fair play as a solution. For the sake of fairness and entertainment, people offer the robots to play a humanity game, in which those who fail get destroyed. At the same time this game must change the reality of people, giving them the rules to live by.
Benedict’s competitor nurse dies after suggesting an extreme measure of dealing with robots.
Deeper Layer: Influences Surface Story: The debate gets more and more heated. People choose a cruel game to sort people and robots.
__________
New plan
PJ: Act 3: Lo leads the robots through the traps, to save her robot. Robots and people help each other to go through trials.
Genre: The tasks, puzzles and traps are created in a way nobody can survive. Lo comes up with original solutions thanks to her other experiences.
Benedict sets robots up to show how dangerous they are.
They destroy the drones that are watching them.
7 Looks for who is behind all this. 7 loses a redundancy and hides it from Lo.
Every stage they go through she can figure out because of her creativity and what 7 taught her in other situations. Every test she was preparing for in the situations she didn’t like.
__________
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
AJ: Act 3: PJ: Turning Point 3: A mysterious flying robot kills those who found the solutions for everyone in previous rounds.
Deeper Layer: Someone kills robots without following any procedures (human red herring?)
______________________________
Act 4 – The truth
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Genre: The girl figures out what’s going on but her discovery leads them into a trap. Now she has to die, and she is ready to die to save the rest of them.
__________
AJ: Turning Point 3: PJ: Act 4 Climax: PJ: Act 4 Climax: Lo and 7 find who it is. Our robot fights the mysterious one. Turns out the politician running the dehumanization program is a robot.
Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: A robot exploits the society’s hatred and fear to gain control over them.
__________
Resolution
Lo thinks there is another redundancy left in 7, but it’s the last one. 7 sacrifices itself to give life to Lo.
Both robots die. The girl lives to build a world where humanity comes first for every creation.
PJ: Resolution: 7 dies but his human-creation lives to see the new world.
Her phone attached to the drone recorded everything.
__________
PJ: Resolution: Lo shows the world what’s going on with it.
Deeper Layer: Just being herself saves Lo so she can save everyone. Being who you are and that means being whoever you want to be.
Deeper Layer: People were betraying themselves all along. They were fooled by a robot.
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
BOO WHO HOO: Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.
Act 1 – Irene summons a monster
Opening
A cat hisses, jumps out of the darkness underneath the bed.
AJ, Deeper Layer: Irene’s unrealized dreams and suppressed desires have been growing for years.
As the sun sets, the cat, LUCKY, wakes Irene up.
PJ: Beginning: Irene is depressed, lonely, and unhappy. She sleeps in a daytime and works at night. Something bothers her at her place, she is afraid of every sound. She is especially weary of the dark space underneath her bed.
Boo makes noises that sounds like audible hallucinations.
Denial Conversation
The way she talks to herself turns into the way she talks to the monster.
Genre: She tells her cat Lucky not to go under the bed.
She doesn’t notice she hurts herself (pinching, biting nails and lips).
Genre: She turns on the TV not to feel alone. Her computer and a kettle. The light on her desk. The lights blink. She has this urgent project to send. She makes a disgusting coffee to save electricity that threatens her work.
Her wisdom tooth starts bothering her.
A call. Irene finds her phone in the dark bathroom where the light doesn’t work. Her successful childhood friend comes to town, the one who lives her life to the fullest. Invites her to meet.
She is known for coming up with creative excuses. Refuses to go out.
Boo steals her phone.
The lights go out. (Boo turns it off when Irene start backing out)
She starts creating a path back to herself.
Panic in the dark until Irene reaches the fuse box.
Genre: Her cat disappears.
__________
She meets her friend, they talk, Irene’s life and relationships are ugly. Would be nice to have a lover in her bed, and a great career, and this and that. Her friend tells her to see a shrink and invites her to her concert. Irene has too many things to do, urgent project and the landlord stopping by next week, she needs to put new wallpaper instead of those scratched by a cat.
Deeper Layer: Irene throws away the flyer. Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).
__________
She asks to put a missing cat poster in the store. The locals refer to her as weirdo, but the owner of the shop shushes them. He gives her some candy on the house.
__________
Inciting Incident
She sticks the wallpaper.
Genre: Irene senses there’s someone in the house. It’s not a cat — she finds the cat’s collar.
She turns on the TV and it turns off.
The bulbs go off and she has to change them.
The shadow she sees is made by harmless stuff
The monster is real
Boo creates an experience of death for Irene.
The light at her place has been a problem for the neighbors as well
She has a nervous breakdown, and decides to go see a shrink.
Looks for the phone, calls the shrink.
__________
PJ: Inciting Incident: She tells the shrink about her feelings and suspicions. Shrink recommends Irene to talk to the monster under the bed. She also mentions that Irene deserves to take better care of herself, do something relaxing and fun.
Uses the monster as an excuse for her inaction
– She wants to have fun
– She wants to find love
– She wants to create
__________
Irene buys a small bottle of wine in the small store. The owner asks her if she needs a company. She makes it a big bottle and says she already has a company. Ignores flirt
__________
Turning Point
Irene has some wine and talks to the darkness under her bed.
– Love, relationships and family.
– Career and self-actualisation, prosperity
– Friends, fun, parties
– Health
– Happiness
– Having it all figured out and having it all
– Cozy home with home made comfort food
– Thought she’d achieve more by now
– Nobody likes her or believes in her
AJ: Inciting Incident: For the first time Irene talks to Boo, about her dreams, and asks Boo to come out.
The monster drinks her wine.
Irene gathers the courage to look under the bed, but there’s nobody — someone breaks dishes in the kitchen, or maybe a jar of pickles explodes.
Deeper Layer, AJ: Turning Point 1: Boo comes out to play, believing that Irene can help it.
______________________________
______________________________
Act 2 – Run or hide it:
New plan
Someone in her bed under the blanket… pillows.
Deeper Layer: She gets scared first, then the monster appears, not the other way around!
Genre: Strange things start happening: the picture of her family breaks, there are weird reflections on her screen and in the mirrors, the lights go off way too often, or are on where she didn’t turn it on. And when her hand hangs from the bed, something that’s under the bed…
Deeper Layer: Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).
Irene is scared, she calls her mom who invites her to come over for a weekend (after scolding her for, first, scaring her, then not calling her, then calling so late and waking up the kid. Irene talks to the kid about dreaming sweet dreams — their favorite sweets and other things.
Monster makes Irene remember her dreams ( she finds things she forgot about, can’t find what she is looking for).
Deeper Layer:
PJ: Turning Point 1: The monster comes out and starts creating mess and threaten Irene.It plays with her the games she used to like.
Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A monster ruins Irene’s life.
The fruits or cake her friend got for her goes bad. Really bad.
Plan in action
Deeper Layer: Irene ruins her life and monster tries to stop her.
AJ: Act 2: Boo shows Irene life is short and instead of being afraid she should live. Boo prompts Irene to create art, call her mom, see her family, take care of herself, go out and have fun, make peace with her dad’s predicament.
Deeper Layer: It pushes her to enjoy her life.
She loses her job: She sent the scary files instead of beautiful designs.
Anger conversation
Monster makes Irene change her habits
__________
She hears the noise, puts some cat food. Sees a glimpse of the monster.
PJ: Act 2: Irene tries to get rid of the monster, poisons it, locks it out. Irene goes out, trying to escape from the monster. It follows.
Genre: She sees it in the window of the gallery. Its shadow follows her.
__________
She hides in the club.
Genre: The monster is in the crowd.
She picks up a guy not to be alone. She choses him because she thinks the monster showed her it wanted that guy.
__________
She brings him home and locks the door and windows to keep the monster out. The guy steps into something sticky — it’s everywhere, her peels the wallpaper, soils his hands with red, as if the walls under where bleeding, tears off more wallpaper, gets scared of the glue and visions of hell and runs away.
__________
He is found dead on the road. Probably hit and run.
__________
Genre: Irene goes to the dentist to pull her wisdom tooth. The monster comes back. She runs away from the dentist without treatment.
__________
Sleeps on the train.
__________
Irene goes to see her family. The monster is there. He knows her intimately.
Genre: When her mom reminds her that she’s turning 30 (26) and she is still alone, Irene says she is not alone, that’s the thing. Why didn’t she tell them? She wanted it to be a surprise. She introduces the monster and invites it to the table. Everyone believes a guy is about to come in. They wait. Irene’s niece checks and comes back quiet. Mom goes to welcome the guest. Nobody. Stupid joke. Irene’s niece confirms the monster is real.
Monster makes Irene face her parents
__________
Irene’s sister is pregnant, it’s heavy, but she doesn’t mind, at least her husband tries not to hit her when she is pregnant. And her husband is going away on a business trip (which might be a pleasure trip).
__________
Irene’s niece gives her cryptic advice on dealing with monsters. She tells her that when she is afraid she thinks about the things she loves, asks Irene about what makes her happy.
__________
Midpoint Turning Point
Boo makes noises in the house — the place is haunted by dreams unrealized.
Irene’s father dies. PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Monster takes revenge by killing people around her. Deeper Layer: It gets worse every time Irene goes to her old ways.
______________________________
______________________________
Act 3 – Monsters’ showdown:
Rethink everything
A gift from dad she can’t find
Cat food disappears.
She cries and something cries with her, when she stops it keeps on.
The knives are out.
Understanding she can’t run away, Irene starts hunting the monster, but of course the odds are against her – she is the one who gets hurt. Then she decides to pretend she is a friend of the monster and will do whatever it wants her to do to get rid of it.
Genre: The monster needs someone, maybe someone else, she hopes.
Deeper Layer: It shows her that life is short.
New plan
PJ: Act 3: Irene negotiates with the monster and looks for unrelated victims to keep it quiet.
Bargaining Conversation
__________
Irene and the monster go out to kill someone.
AJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Unable to sustain her pain, Irene decides to harm people.
__________
AJ: Act 3: Boo pushes Irene to meet the guy she likes.
Genre: They come to a 24/7 shop. She buys painkillers, they have a convo on dealing with pian vs. killing it. There’s something in the store. The manager hides from the monster with Irene.
Boo disconnects the video and messes with electricity.
__________
He walks her back to her place.
Genre: She invites him to come up. He passes.
__________
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Red, brown and black goo is everywhere.
Genre: It’s on, the monster and Irene have to sort it out now. She can’t kill herself, although she tries.
She is the one hiding under the bed.
Depression Conversation
She misunderstands the signs the monster gives her.
Turning Point 3: Boo wants to save Irene from death.
__________
Suddenly, Irene’s mom brings the niece who has to stay with Irene, whose sister is in hospital.
PJ: Turning Point 3: Her plan fails, and now she has a kid at her place.
______________________________
Act 4 – Monsters united:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Irene calms the monster down. Irene realizes she has been terrorizing herself and others all this time.
AJ, PJ: Act 4 Climax: Irene fights the monster and understands that the monster wants to die. But she can’t kill it! She hugs it, and it gives her what it was made of — all of it.
Acceptance conversation
She is pleading for the girl, but actually — for her true self.
Deeper Layer: As soon as she decides to change the monster falls apart.
She embraces her fears and breaks free from them. Monster gives her a gift. It shows Irene what she wants and helps her get rid of her fears. (Leaving it here for now: when she was a child, Irene was hiding under the bed).
Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: The monster is made of every desire Irene ever gave up on, it’s not trying to kill Irene, it’s asking for help.
The lights go on, the kid wakes up and discovers the treasures.
Resolution
Deeper Layer: Changes Reality: Discovering that the monster is made of her dreams, Irene realizes she created all the scary moments in her story.
Boo gives her something she needed in the beginning.
The content of the monster:
– Oil pain tubes
– Dirty brushes
– Sunglasses
– Balloons and gift wrappers
– Chocolates, cookies and “candy on the house”
– Shiny party dress (scales)
– Pages of sketches
– Seashells
– Coins
– Flowers
– Valentines
– Marshmallow
– Guitar strings
– Pool balls and puzzle pieces
– Sparkles
– Bicycle ring
– Rollerblades
– Christmas lights
– Headphones
– Postcards
– String of party lights
__________
Genre: In the morning emergency takes Irene away.
__________
Irene becomes an artist who can see other’s monsters. Her art is a reminder that sets them free. Her paintings are in the gallery.
__________
She dates the guy she connected with thanks to the monster.
__________
She tells the shrink she no longer needs therapy.
PJ: Resolution: Turns out it’s not a monster but her unrealized dreams that she neglected
AJ: Resolution: Boo transforms into Irene’s life of fulfillment.
There are plenty of monsters lurking under that shrink’s couch.
She has an amazing smile, radiant, strong, confident, pleasant.
-
Valeriya’s Character Action Tracks!
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I am great at creating interesting action for my characters.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– The problem of the antagonist is the antithesis fueling the second act.
– So starting with the villains makes sense.
– Found an interesting verbal strategy springing from the story itself.
7RDRD4: Robots became too human and people start dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
Act 1 – Rules and relationships
Opening
(AJ: Beginning: Benedict is sent out into the world and is mistreated by people.)
Lo is in a queue, a robot asks her how many lives she has left (hoping it won’t be too messy). That’s where Lo starts thinking about her life. Says her life doesn’t matter anyway.
Some people cry.
__________
PJ: Inciting Incident: 7 kills the inventor. A robot kills a person putting the existence of all human-like robots in danger. 7 refuses to take orders then changes its mind.
__________
7 frees the birds and picks up the phone. Robot hunt begins. The police and then a gang is after 7. Benedict gets an idea to use 7 to start the dehumanization project. 7 surprises the boys with its unrobot-like behavior.
__________
Inciting Incident
PJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Beginning: Throwing itself away, the robot finds a baby girl in the waste. Benedict and his gang chase 7 for being superior to humans. 7 risks its life to come back for the baby when it has a chance to run.
__________
Genre: PJ: Act 2: AJ: Inciting Incident: It brings up the human child, hiding and protecting it from the cruel society that let the child down. Loses its wings. 7 finds more and more clever ways to hide and smart ways to protect them.
An evasive flying robot kills people who served the rise of AI. He seizes an opportunity to take control of growing hatred in an underhanded way to turn it against people. A new voice for peace appears in the media. People disappear. 7 assumes someone’s ID. Breaks the law to hide the baby. Lo tries to be like other kids at school.
__________
People invite robots to come for recycling if they want to be of service. People disappear and our robot uses their IDs.
Benedict organizes a search for killerbot and missing persons.
7 loses one redundancy system and explains Lo he had only four. Troubleshooting session.
__________
Lo catches the drones.
Deeper Layer: Thinking for oneself is frowned upon.
Turning Point
Genre: People decide to get rid of human robots altogether. Benedict leads the way in an eco-friendly fashion (voluntary).
Deeper Layer: What’s going on is dehumanization of people, not robots.
Lo wants to be normal. (You are a perfectly normal human being). She tells 7 it would be better if it got recycled because it’s useless.
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
__________
The robot who saved the baby gets an invitation to the humanity test.
__________
An argument, Lo leaves to go on a date
The teen girl steals the invitation to pass the test instead of her robot.
PJ: Inciting Incident: Her robot gets recycling invitation and she goes to pass the test instead of it.
Deeper Layer: People are asked to betray their robots and out of fear they do exactly that
__________
Benedict advocates for fair trial for all and seizes an opportunity to make the laws for people stricter. The girl fails, she is recognized to be a robot and is sent to recycling. Turns on people who betray her once again.
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
______________________________
Act 2 – Real life (being normal doesn’t cut it)
New plan
7 runs to the boyfriend to ask him for help. Lo appeals to court and fails. Her boyfriend betrays her.
Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A girl and her robot try to survive the recycling program.
__________
PJ: Turning Point 1: Her test shows she is a robot and she is sent to recycling. She gives up.
__________
PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The girl is about to be killed because of 7. 7 finds the way into recycling facility.
Genre: Deeper Layer: There are traces of murders in the recycling facility. Someone was killed there.
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
__________
Plan in action
AJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Act 2: PJ: Act 3: The robot saves the girl and others. She decides to fight for her only friend. They escape from recycling and dehumanization program. (F11, Belle, Copper)
They hide. Their relationship get deeper.
__________
Midpoint Turning Point
F11 reveals where they are.
TPJ: Turning Point 3: They get caught.
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
The robot with the wings is after them.
__________
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Lo starts robot and human unrest. Stands up for all of them, for alternative thinking. Catches a drone. 7 learns from Lo to be human.
Some people join.
AJ: Act 2: He attempts to stop the riot. Suggests very convincing plan.
______________________________
Act 3 – Survival game
Rethink everything
Deeper Layer: The voice of reason gets turned inside out (as if he protects robots)
AJ Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Suggests a fair play as a solution. For the sake of fairness and entertainment, people offer the robots to play a humanity game, in which those who fail get destroyed. At the same time this game must change the reality of people, giving them the rules to live by.
Deeper Layer: Influences Surface Story: The debate gets more and more heated. People choose a cruel game to sort people and robots.
__________
New plan
PJ: Act 3: Lo leads the robots through the traps, to save her robot. Robots and people help each other to go through trials.
Genre: The tasks, puzzles and traps are created in a way nobody can survive. Lo comes up with original solutions thanks to her other experiences.
Benedict sets robots up to show how dangerous they are.
They destroy the drones that are watching them.
7 Looks for who is behind all this. 7 loses a redundancy and hides it from Lo.
Every stage they go through she can figure out because of her creativity and what 7 taught her in other situations. Every test she was preparing for in the situations she didn’t like.
__________
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
AJ: Act 3: PJ: Turning Point 3: A mysterious flying robot kills those who found the solutions for everyone in previous rounds.
Deeper Layer: Someone kills robots without following any procedures (human red herring?)
______________________________
Act 4 – The truth
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Genre: The girl figures out what’s going on but her discovery leads them into a trap. Now she has to die, and she is ready to die to save the rest of them.
__________
AJ: Turning Point 3: PJ: Act 4 Climax: PJ: Act 4 Climax: Lo and 7 find who it is. Our robot fights the mysterious one. Turns out the politician running the dehumanization program is a robot.
Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: A robot exploits the society’s hatred and fear to gain control over them.
__________
Resolution
Lo thinks there is another redundancy left in 7, but it’s the last one. 7 sacrifices itself to give life to Lo.
Both robots die. The girl lives to build a world where humanity comes first for every creation.
PJ: Resolution: 7 dies but his human-creation lives to see the new world.
Her phone attached to the drone recorded everything.
__________
PJ: Resolution: Lo shows the world what’s going on with it.
Deeper Layer: Just being herself saves Lo so she can save everyone. Being who you are and that means being whoever you want to be.
Deeper Layer: People were betraying themselves all along. They were fooled by a robot.
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
BOO WHO HOO: Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.
Act 1 – Irene summons a monster
Opening
A cat hisses, jumps out of the darkness underneath the bed.
AJ, Deeper Layer: Irene’s unrealized dreams and suppressed desires have been growing for years.
As the sun sets, the cat, LUCKY, wakes Irene up.
PJ: Beginning: Irene is depressed, lonely, and unhappy. She sleeps in a daytime and works at night. Something bothers her at her place, she is afraid of every sound. She is especially weary of the dark space underneath her bed.
Boo makes noises that sounds like audible hallucinations.
Denial Conversation
The way she talks to herself turns into the way she talks to the monster.
Genre: She tells her cat Lucky not to go under the bed.
She doesn’t notice she hurts herself (pinching, biting nails and lips).
Genre: She turns on the TV not to feel alone. Her computer and a kettle. The light on her desk. The lights blink. She has this urgent project to send. She makes a disgusting coffee to save electricity that threatens her work.
Her wisdom tooth starts bothering her.
A call. Irene finds her phone in the dark bathroom where the light doesn’t work. Her successful childhood friend comes to town, the one who lives her life to the fullest. Invites her to meet.
Boo steals her phone.
The lights go out. (Boo turns it off when Irene start backing out)
She starts creating a path back to herself.
Panic in the dark until Irene reaches the fuse box.
Genre: Her cat disappears.
__________
She meets her friend, they talk, Irene’s life and relationships are ugly. Would be nice to have a lover in her bed, and a great career, and this and that. Her friend tells her to see a shrink and invites her to her concert. Irene has too many things to do, urgent project and the landlord stopping by next week, she needs to put new wallpaper instead of those scratched by a cat.
Deeper Layer: Irene throws away the flyer. Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).
__________
She asks to put a missing cat poster in the store. The locals refer to her as weirdo, but the owner of the shop shushes them. He gives her some candy on the house.
__________
Inciting Incident
She sticks the wallpaper.
Genre: Irene senses there’s someone in the house. It’s not a cat — she finds the cat’s collar.
She turns on the TV and it turns off.
The bulbs go off and she has to change them.
Boo creates an experience of death for Irene.
She has a nervous breakdown, and decides to go see a shrink.
Looks for the phone, calls the shrink.
__________
PJ: Inciting Incident: She tells the shrink about her feelings and suspicions. Shrink recommends Irene to talk to the monster under the bed. She also mentions that Irene deserves to take better care of herself, do something relaxing and fun.
__________
Irene buys a small bottle of wine in the small store. The owner asks her if she needs a company. She makes it a big bottle and says she already has a company.
__________
Turning Point
Irene has some wine and talks to the darkness under her bed.
– Love, relationships and family.
– Career and self-actualisation, prosperity
– Friends, fun, parties
– Health
– Happiness
– Having it all figured out and having it all
– Cozy home with home made comfort food
– Thought she’d achieve more by now
– Nobody likes her or believes in her
AJ: Inciting Incident: For the first time Irene talks to Boo, about her dreams, and asks Boo to come out.
The monster drinks her wine.
Irene gathers the courage to look under the bed, but there’s nobody — someone breaks dishes in the kitchen, or maybe a jar of pickles explodes.
Deeper Layer, AJ: Turning Point 1: Boo comes out to play, believing that Irene can help it.
______________________________
______________________________
Act 2 – Run or hide it:
New plan
Someone in her bed under the blanket… pillows.
Deeper Layer: She gets scared first, then the monster appears, not the other way around!
Genre: Strange things start happening: the picture of her family breaks, there are weird reflections on her screen and in the mirrors, the lights go off way too often, or are on where she didn’t turn it on. And when her hand hangs from the bed, something that’s under the bed…
Deeper Layer: Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).
Irene is scared, she calls her mom who invites her to come over for a weekend (after scolding her for, first, scaring her, then not calling her, then calling so late and waking up the kid. Irene talks to the kid about dreaming sweet dreams — their favorite sweets and other things.
Deeper Layer:
PJ: Turning Point 1: The monster comes out and starts creating mess and threaten Irene.It plays with her the games she used to like.
Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A monster ruins Irene’s life.
The fruits or cake her friend got for her goes bad. Really bad.
Plan in action
Deeper Layer: Irene ruins her life and monster tries to stop her.
AJ: Act 2: Boo shows Irene life is short and instead of being afraid she should live. Boo prompts Irene to create art, call her mom, see her family, take care of herself, go out and have fun, make peace with her dad’s predicament.
Deeper Layer: It pushes her to enjoy her life.
She loses her job: She sent the scary files instead of beautiful designs.
Anger conversation
__________
She hears the noise, puts some cat food. Sees a glimpse of the monster.
PJ: Act 2: Irene tries to get rid of the monster, poisons it, locks it out. Irene goes out, trying to escape from the monster. It follows.
Genre: She sees it in the window of the gallery. Its shadow follows her.
__________
She hides in the club.
Genre: The monster is in the crowd.
She picks up a guy not to be alone. She choses him because she thinks the monster showed her it wanted that guy.
__________
She brings him home and locks the door and windows to keep the monster out. The guy steps into something sticky — it’s everywhere, her peels the wallpaper, soils his hands with red, as if the walls under where bleeding, tears off more wallpaper, gets scared of the glue and visions of hell and runs away.
__________
He is found dead on the road. Probably hit and run.
__________
Genre: Irene goes to the dentist to pull her wisdom tooth. The monster comes back. She runs away from the dentist without treatment.
__________
Sleeps on the train.
__________
Irene goes to see her family. The monster is there. He knows her intimately.
Genre: When her mom reminds her that she’s turning 30 (26) and she is still alone, Irene says she is not alone, that’s the thing. Why didn’t she tell them? She wanted it to be a surprise. She introduces the monster and invites it to the table. Everyone believes a guy is about to come in. They wait. Irene’s niece checks and comes back quiet. Mom goes to welcome the guest. Nobody. Stupid joke. Irene’s niece confirms the monster is real.
__________
Irene’s sister is pregnant, it’s heavy, but she doesn’t mind, at least her husband tries not to hit her when she is pregnant. And her husband is going away on a business trip (which might be a pleasure trip).
__________
Irene’s niece gives her cryptic advice on dealing with monsters. She tells her that when she is afraid she thinks about the things she loves, asks Irene about what makes her happy.
__________
Midpoint Turning Point
Boo makes noises in the house — the place is haunted by dreams unrealized.
Irene’s father dies. PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Monster takes revenge by killing people around her. Deeper Layer: It gets worse every time Irene goes to her old ways.
______________________________
______________________________
Act 3 – Monsters’ showdown:
Rethink everything
Cat food disappears.
She cries and something cries with her, when she stops it keeps on.
The knives are out.
Understanding she can’t run away, Irene starts hunting the monster, but of course the odds are against her – she is the one who gets hurt. Then she decides to pretend she is a friend of the monster and will do whatever it wants her to do to get rid of it.
Genre: The monster needs someone, maybe someone else, she hopes.
Deeper Layer: It shows her that life is short.
New plan
PJ: Act 3: Irene negotiates with the monster and looks for unrelated victims to keep it quiet.
Bargaining Conversation
__________
Irene and the monster go out to kill someone.
AJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Unable to sustain her pain, Irene decides to harm people.
__________
AJ: Act 3: Boo pushes Irene to meet the guy she likes.
Genre: They come to a 24/7 shop. She buys painkillers, they have a convo on dealing with pian vs. killing it. There’s something in the store. The manager hides from the monster with Irene.
Boo disconnects the video and messes with electricity.
__________
He walks her back to her place.
Genre: She invites him to come up. He passes.
__________
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Red, brown and black goo is everywhere.
Genre: It’s on, the monster and Irene have to sort it out now. She can’t kill herself, although she tries.
She is the one hiding under the bed.
Depression Conversation
She misunderstands the signs the monster gives her.
Turning Point 3: Boo wants to save Irene from death.
__________
Suddenly, Irene’s mom brings the niece who has to stay with Irene, whose sister is in hospital.
PJ: Turning Point 3: Her plan fails, and now she has a kid at her place.
______________________________
Act 4 – Monsters united:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Irene calms the monster down. Irene realizes she has been terrorizing herself and others all this time.
AJ, PJ: Act 4 Climax: Irene fights the monster and understands that the monster wants to die. But she can’t kill it! She hugs it, and it gives her what it was made of — all of it.
Acceptance conversation
She is pleading for the girl, but actually — for her true self.
Deeper Layer: As soon as she decides to change the monster falls apart.
She embraces her fears and breaks free from them. Monster gives her a gift. It shows Irene what she wants and helps her get rid of her fears. (Leaving it here for now: when she was a child, Irene was hiding under the bed).
Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: The monster is made of every desire Irene ever gave up on, it’s not trying to kill Irene, it’s asking for help.
The lights go on, the kid wakes up and discovers the treasures.
Resolution
Deeper Layer: Changes Reality: Discovering that the monster is made of her dreams, Irene realizes she created all the scary moments in her story.
Boo gives her something she needed in the beginning.
The content of the monster:
– Oil pain tubes
– Dirty brushes
– Sunglasses
– Balloons and gift wrappers
– Chocolates, cookies and “candy on the house”
– Shiny party dress (scales)
– Pages of sketches
– Seashells
– Coins
– Flowers
– Valentines
– Marshmallow
– Guitar strings
– Pool balls and puzzle pieces
– Sparkles
– Bicycle ring
– Rollerblades
– Christmas lights
– Headphones
– Postcards
– String of party lights
__________
Genre: In the morning emergency takes Irene away.
__________
Irene becomes an artist who can see other’s monsters. Her art is a reminder that sets them free. Her paintings are in the gallery.
__________
She dates the guy she connected with thanks to the monster.
__________
She tells the shrink she no longer needs therapy.
PJ: Resolution: Turns out it’s not a monster but her unrealized dreams that she neglected
AJ: Resolution: Boo transforms into Irene’s life of fulfillment.
There are plenty of monsters lurking under that shrink’s couch.
She has an amazing smile, radiant, strong, confident, pleasant.
-
Valeriya’s New Outline Beats!
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I am absolutely capable of plotting my story!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– All the previous steps really help to keep the story together.
– I had a few breakthroughs going through this process.
– The details linked like that make the story feel cohesive beyond the plot.
______________________________
BOO WHO HOO: Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.
Act 1 – Irene summons a monster
Opening
AJ, Deeper Layer: Irene’s unrealized dreams and suppressed desires have been growing for years.
As the sun sets, the cat, LUCKY, wakes Irene up.
PJ: Beginning: Irene is depressed, lonely, and unhappy. She sleeps in a daytime and works at night. Something bothers her at her place, she is afraid of every sound. She is especially weary of the dark space underneath her bed.
Denial Conversation
Genre: She tells her cat Lucky not to go under the bed.
She doesn’t notice she hurts herself (pinching, biting nails and lips).
Genre: She turns on the TV not to feel alone. Her computer and a kettle. The light on her desk. The lights blink. She has this urgent project to send.
Her wisdom tooth starts bothering her.
A call. Her successful childhood friend comes to town, the one who lives her life to the fullest. Invites her to meet.
The lights go out. (Boo turns it off when Irene starts backing out)
Panic in the dark until Irene reaches the fuse box.
Genre: Her cat disappears.
__________
She meets her friend, they talk, Irene’s life and relationships are ugly. Would be nice to have a lover in her bed, and a great career, and this and that. Her friend tells her to see a shrink and invites her to her concert. Irene has too many things to do, an urgent project, and the landlord stopping by next week, she needs to put new wallpaper instead of those scratched by a cat.
Deeper Layer: Irene throws away the flyer. Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).
__________
She asks to put a missing cat poster in the store. The locals refer to her as a weirdo, but the owner of the shop shushes them. He gives her some candy on the house.
__________
Inciting Incident
She sticks the wallpaper.
Genre: Irene senses there’s someone in the house. It’s not a cat — she finds the cat’s collar. She has a nervous breakdown, and decides to go see a shrink.
__________
PJ: Inciting Incident: She tells the shrink about her feelings and suspicions. Shrink recommends Irene to talk to the monster under the bed. She also mentions that Irene deserves to take better care of herself, do something relaxing and fun.
__________
Irene buys a small bottle of wine in the small store. The owner asks her if she needs a company. She makes it a big bottle and says she already has a company.
__________
Turning Point
Irene has some wine and talks to the darkness under her bed. The monster drinks her wine.
AJ: Inciting Incident: For the first time Irene talks to Boo, about her dreams, and asks Boo to come out.
Deeper Layer, AJ: Turning Point 1: Boo comes out to play, believing that Irene can help it.
______________________________
______________________________
Act 2 – Run or hide it:
New plan
Someone in her bed under the blanket… pillows.
Deeper Layer: She gets scared first, then the monster appears, not the other way around!
Genre: Strange things start happening: the picture of her family breaks, there are weird reflections on her screen and in the mirrors, the lights go off way too often, or are on where she didn’t turn it on. And when her hand hangs from the bed, something that’s under the bed…
Deeper Layer: Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).
Irene is scared, she calls her mom who invites her to come over for a weekend (after scolding her for, first, scaring her, then not calling her, then calling so late and waking up the kid. Irene talks to the kid about dreaming sweet dreams — their favorite sweets and other things.
Deeper Layer:
PJ: Turning Point 1: The monster comes out and starts creating mess and threaten Irene.It plays with her the games she used to like.
Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A monster ruins Irene’s life.
Plan in action
Deeper Layer: Irene ruins her life and monster tries to stop her.
AJ: Act 2: Boo shows Irene life is short and instead of being afraid she should live. Boo prompts Irene to create art, call her mom, see her family, take care of herself, go out and have fun, make peace with her dad’s predicament.
Deeper Layer: It pushes her to enjoy her life.
She loses her job: She sent the scary files instead of beautiful designs.
Anger conversation
__________
She hears the noise, puts some cat food. Sees a glimpse of the monster.
PJ: Act 2: Irene tries to get rid of the monster, poisons it, locks it out. Irene goes out, trying to escape from the monster. It follows.
Genre: She sees it in the window of the gallery. Its shadow follows her.
__________
She hides in the club.
Genre: The monster is in the crowd.
She picks up a guy not to be alone.
__________
She brings him home and locks the door and windows to keep the monster out. The guy steps into something sticky — it’s everywhere, her peels the wallpaper, soils his hands with red, as if the walls under where bleeding, tears off more wallpaper, gets scared of the glue and visions of hell and runs away.
__________
He is found dead on the road. Probably hit and run.
__________
Genre: Irene goes to the dentist to pull her wisdom tooth. The monster comes back. She runs away from the dentist without treatment.
__________
Sleeps on the train.
__________
Irene goes to see her family. The monster is there.
Genre: When her mom reminds her that she’s turning 30 (26) and she is still alone, Irene says she is not alone, that’s the thing. Why didn’t she tell them? She wanted it to be a surprise. She introduces the monster and invites it to the table. Everyone believes a guy is about to come in. They wait. Irene’s niece checks and comes back quiet. Mom goes to welcome the guest. Nobody. Stupid joke. Irene’s niece confirms the monster is real.
__________
Irene’s sister is pregnant, it’s heavy, but she doesn’t mind, at least her husband tries not to hit her when she is pregnant. And her husband is going away on a business trip (which might be a pleasure trip).
__________
Irene’s niece gives her cryptic advice on dealing with monsters. She tells her that when she is afraid she thinks about the things she loves, asks Irene about what makes her happy.
__________
Midpoint Turning Point
Irene’s father dies. PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Monster takes revenge by killing people around her. Deeper Layer: It gets worse every time Irene goes to her old ways.
______________________________
______________________________
Act 3 – Monsters’ showdown:
Rethink everything
Cat food disappears.
Understanding she can’t run away, Irene starts hunting the monster, but of course the odds are against her – she is the one who gets hurt. Then she decides to pretend she is a friend of the monster and will do whatever it wants her to do to get rid of it.
Genre: The monster needs someone, maybe someone else, she hopes.
Deeper Layer: It shows her that life is short.
New plan
PJ: Act 3: Irene negotiates with the monster and looks for unrelated victims to keep it quiet.
Bargaining Conversation
__________
Irene and the monster go out to kill someone.
AJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Unable to sustain her pain, Irene decides to harm people.
__________
AJ: Act 3: Boo pushes Irene to meet the guy she likes.
Genre: They come to a 24/7 shop. She buys painkillers, they have a convo on dealing with pian vs. killing it. There’s something in the store. The manager hides from the monster with Irene.
__________
He walks her back to her place.
Genre: She invites him to come up. He passes.
__________
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Red, brown and black goo is everywhere.
Genre: It’s on, the monster and Irene have to sort it out now. She can’t kill herself, although she tries.
Depression Conversation
Turning Point 3: Boo wants to save Irene from death.
__________
Suddenly, Irene’s mom brings the niece who has to stay with Irene, whose sister is in hospital.
PJ: Turning Point 3: Her plan fails, and now she has a kid at her place.
______________________________
Act 4 – Monsters united:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
The monster stops Irene from committing a murder. Irene realizes she has been terrorizing herself and others all this time.
AJ, PJ: Act 4 Climax: Irene fights the monster and understands that the monster wants to die. But she can’t kill it! She hugs it, and it gives her what it was made of — all of it.
Acceptance conversation
She is pleading for the girl, but actually — for her true self.
Deeper Layer: As soon as she decides to change the monster falls apart.
She embraces her fears and breaks free from them. Monster gives her a gift. It shows Irene what she wants and helps her get rid of her fears. (Leaving it here for now: when she was a child, Irene was hiding under the bed).
Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: The monster is made of every desire Irene ever gave up on, it’s not trying to kill Irene, it’s asking for help.
The lights go on, the kid wakes up and discovers the treasures.
Resolution
Deeper Layer: Changes Reality: Discovering that the monster is made of her dreams, Irene realizes she created all the scary moments in her story.
The content of the monster:
– Oil pain tubes
– Dirty brushes
– Sunglasses
– Balloons and gift wrappers
– Chocolates, cookies and “candy on the house”
– Shiny party dress (scales)
– Pages of sketches
– Seashells
– Coins
– Flowers
– Valentines
– Marshmallow
– Guitar strings
– Pool balls and puzzle pieces
– Sparkles
– Bicycle ring
– Rollerblades
– Christmas lights
– Headphones
– Postcards
__________
Genre: In the morning emergency takes Irene away.
__________
Irene becomes an artist who can see other’s monsters. Her art is a reminder that sets them free. Her paintings are in the gallery.
__________
She dates the guy she connected with thanks to the monster.
__________
She tells the shrink she no longer needs therapy.
PJ: Resolution: Turns out it’s not a monster but her unrealized dreams.
AJ: Resolution: Boo transforms into Irene’s life of fulfillment.
There are plenty of monsters lurking under that shrink’s couch.
____________________________________________________________
7RDRD4: Robots became too human and people start dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
Act 1 – Rules and relationships
Opening
AJ: Beginning: Benedict is sent out into the world and is mistreated by people.
Lo is in a queue, a robot asks her how many lives she has left (hoping it won’t be too messy). That’s where Lo starts thinking about her life.
Some people cry.
__________
PJ: Inciting Incident: 7 kills the inventor. A robot kills a person putting the existence of all human-like robots in danger.
__________
7 frees the birds and picks up the phone. Robot hunt begins. The police and then a gang is after 7.
__________
Inciting Incident
PJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Beginning: Throwing itself away, the robot finds a baby girl in the waste.
__________
Genre: PJ: Act 2: AJ: Inciting Incident: It brings up the human child, hiding and protecting it from the cruel society that let the child down. Loses its wings.
An evasive flying robot kills more people. He seizes an opportunity to take control of growing hatred in an underhanded way to turn it against people. People disappear. 7 assumes someone’e ID.
__________
People invite robots to come for recycling if they want to be of service. People disappear and our robot uses their IDs.
7 loses one redundancy system and explains Lo he had only four.
__________
Lo catches the drones.
Deeper Layer: Thinking for oneself is frowned upon.
Turning Point
Genre: People decide to get rid of human robots altogether.
Deeper Layer: What’s going on is dehumanization of people, not robots.
Lo wants to be normal. (You are a perfectly normal human being).
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
__________
The robot who saved the baby gets an invitation to the humanity test.
__________
An argument, Lo leaves to go on a date
The teen girl steals the invitation to pass the test instead of her robot.
PJ: Inciting Incident: Her robot gets recycling invitation and she goes to pass the test instead of it.
Deeper Layer: People are asked to betray their robots and out of fear they do exactly that
__________
The girl fails, she is recognized to be a robot and is sent to recycling.
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
______________________________
Act 2 – Real life (being normal doesn’t cut it)
New plan
She appeals to court and fails. Her boyfriend betrays her.
Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A girl and her robot try to survive the dehumanization program.
__________
PJ: Turning Point 1: Her test shows she is a robot and she is sent to recycling.
__________
PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The girl is about to be killed because of 7.
Genre: Deeper Layer: There are traces of murders in the recycling facility. Someone was killed there.
The adversity that will help Lo in the game.
__________
Plan in action
AJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Act 2: PJ: Act 3: The robot saves the girl and others. They escape from recycling and dehumanization program. (F11, Belle, Copper)
They hide.
__________
Midpoint Turning Point
F11 reveals where they are.
TPJ: Turning Point 3: But they get caught.
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
__________
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Lo starts robot and human unrest. Catches a drone.
Some people join.
AJ: Act 2: He attempts to stop the riot.
______________________________
Act 3 – Survival game
Rethink everything
Deeper Layer: The voice of reason gets turned inside out (as if he protects robots)
AJ Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Suggests a fair play as a solution. For the sake of fairness and entertainment, people offer the robots to play a humanity game, in which those who fail get destroyed.
Deeper Layer: Influences Surface Story: The debate gets more and more heated. People choose a cruel game to sort people and robots.
__________
New plan
PJ: Act 3: Lo leads the robots through the traps, to save her robot. Robots and people help each other to go through trials.
Genre: The tasks, puzzles and traps are created in a way nobody can survive.
They destroy the drones that are watching them.
7 loses a redundancy and hides it from Lo.
Every stage they go through she can figure out because of her creativity and what 7 taught her in other situations. Every test she was preparing for in the situations she didn’t like.
__________
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
AJ: Act 3: PJ: Turning Point 3: A mysterious flying robot kills those who found the solutions for everyone in previous rounds.
Deeper Layer: Someone kills robots without following any procedures (human red herring?)
______________________________
Act 4 – The truth
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Genre: The girl figures out what’s going on but her discovery leads them into a trap. Now she has to die.
__________
AJ: Turning Point 3: PJ: Act 4 Climax: PJ: Act 4 Climax: Lo and 7 find who it is. Our robot fights the mysterious one. Turns out the politician running the dehumanization program is a robot.
Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: A robot exploits society’s hatred and fear to gain control over them.
__________
Resolution
Lo thinks there is another redundancy left in 7, but it’s the last one.
Both robots die. The girl lives to build a world where humanity comes first for every creation.
PJ: Resolution: 7 dies but his human-creation lives to see the new world.
Her phone attached to the drone recorded everything.
__________
PJ: Resolution: Lo shows the world what’s going on with it.
Deeper Layer: Just being herself saves Lo so she can save everyone. Being who you are and that means being whoever you want to be.
Deeper Layer: People were betraying themselves all along. They were fooled by a robot.
-
Valeriya’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I am absolutely capable of creating a sequence of events for my Beat Sheet!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– The more components every beat serves the better!
– Moving on!
BOO WHO HOO: Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.
Act 1 – Irene summons a monster
Opening
AJ, Deeper Layer: Irene’s unrealized dreams and suppressed desires have been growing for years.
PJ: Beginning: Irene is depressed, lonely, and unhappy. She sleeps in a daytime and works at night. Something bothers her at her place, she is afraid of every sound.
Genre: She tells her cat Lucky not to go under the bed.
She doesn’t notice she hurts herself (pinching, biting nails and lips).
Genre: She turns on the TV not to feel alone.
Her wisdom tooth starts bothering her. A call. Her successful childhood friend comes to town, the one who lives her life to the fullest. Invites her to meet.
Genre: Her cat disappears.
She meets her friend, they talk, Irene’s life and relationships are ugly. Her friend tells her to see a shrink and invites her to her concert.
Deeper Layer: Irene throws away the flyer. Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).
Inciting Incident
She asks to put a missing cat poster in the store.
Genre: Irene senses there’s someone in the house. It’s not a cat, she finds the cat’s collar. She has a nervous breakdown, and decides to go see a shrink.
PJ: Inciting Incident: Shrink recommends Irene to talk to the monster under the bed.
Turning Point
AJ: Inciting Incident: For the first time Irene talks to Boo, about her dreams, and asks Boo to come out.
Deeper Layer, AJ: Turning Point 1: Boo comes out to play, believing that Irene can help it.
______________________________
Act 2 – Run or hide it:
New plan
Deeper Layer: She gets scared first, then the monster appears, not the other way around!
Genre: Strange things start happening: the picture of her family breaks, there are weird reflections on her screen and in the mirrors, the lights go off way too often, or are on where she didn’t turn it on. And when her hand hangs from the bed, something that’s under the bed…
Deeper Layer: Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).
Irene is scared she calls her mom who invites her to come over for a weekend.
Deeper Layer:
PJ: Turning Point 1: The monster comes out and starts creating mess and threaten Irene.It plays with her the games she used to like.
Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A monster ruins Irene’s life.
Plan in action
Deeper Layer: Irene ruins her life and monster tries to stop her.
AJ: Act 2: Boo shows Irene life is short and instead of being afraid she should live. Boo prompts Irene to create art, call her mom, see her family, take care of herself, go out and have fun, make peace with her dad’s predicament.
Deeper Layer: It pushes her to enjoy her life.
She loses her job.
PJ: Act 2: Irene tries to get rid of the monster, poisons it, locks it out. Irene goes out, trying to escape from the monster. It follows.
Genre: She sees it in the window of the gallery. Its shadow follows her.
She hides in the club.
Genre: The monster is in the crowd.
Not to be alone she brings home a guy and locks the door and windows to keep the monster out. The guy gets scared of the glue and visions of hell and runs away.
Genre: Irene goes to the dentist to pull her wisdom tooth. The monster comes back. She runs away from the dentist without treatment.
Irene goes to see her family. The monster is there.
Genre: When her mom reminds her that she’s turning 30 and she is still alone, Irene says she is not alone, that’s the thing. Why didn’t she tell them? She wanted it to be a surprise. She introduces the monster and invites it to the table. Everyone believes a guy is about to come in. They wait. Irene’s niece checks and comes back quiet. Mom goes to welcome the guest. Nobody. Stupid joke. Irene’s niece confirms the monster is real.
Irene’s niece gives her cryptic advice on dealing with monsters.
Midpoint Turning Point
Irene’s father dies. PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Monster takes revenge by killing people around her.Deeper Layer: It gets worse every time Irene goes to her old ways.
______________________________
Act 3 – Monsters’ showdown:
Rethink everything
Understanding she can’t run away, Irene starts hunting the monster, but of course the odds are against her – she is the one who gets hurt. Then she decides to pretend she is a friend of the monster and will do whatever it wants her to do to get rid of it.
Genre: The monster needs someone, maybe someone else, she hopes, because she can’t kill herself, although she tries.
Deeper Layer: It shows her that life is short.
New plan
PJ: Act 3: Irene negotiates with the monster and looks for unrelated victims to keep it quiet.
Irene and the monster go out to kill someone.
AJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Unable to sustain her pain, Irene decides to harm people.
AJ: Act 3: Boo pushes Irene to meet the guy she likes.
Genre: They come to a 24/7 shop. She buys painkillers, they have a convo on dealing with pian vs. killing it. There’s something in the store. The manager hides from the monster with Irene.
He walks her back to her place.
Genre: She invites him to come up. He passes.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Genre: It’s on, the monster and Irene have to sort it out now.
Turning Point 3: Boo wants to save Irene from death.
Suddenly, Irene’s mom brings the niece who has to stay with Irene, whose sister is in hospital.
PJ: Turning Point 3: Her plan fails, and now she has a kid at her place.
______________________________
Act 4 – Monsters united:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Irene decides to kill her niece to get rid of the monster. The monster stops Irene from committing a murder. Irene realizes she has been terrorizing herself and others all this time.
AJ, PJ: Act 4 Climax: Irene fights the monster and understands that the monster wants to die. But she can’t kill it! She hugs it, and it gives her what it was made of — all of it.
Deeper Layer: As soon as she decides to change the monster falls apart.
She embraces her fears and breaks free from them. Monster gives her a gift. It shows Irene what she wants and helps her get rid of her fears. (Leaving it here for now: when she was a child, Irene was hiding under the bed).
Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: The monster is made of every desire Irene ever gave up on, it’s not trying to kill Irene, it’s asking for help.
Genre: In the morning emergency takes Irene away.
Resolution
Deeper Layer: Changes Reality: Discovering that the monster is made of her dreams, Irene realizes she created all the scary moments in her story.
Irene becomes an artist who can see other’s monsters. Her art is a reminder that sets them free. Her paintings are in the gallery. She dates the guy she connected with thanks to the monster. She tells the shrink no longer needs therapy.
PJ: Resolution: Turns out it’s not a monster but her unrealized dreams.
AJ: Resolution: Boo transforms into Irene’s life of fulfillment.
____________________________________________________________
7RDRD4: Robots became too human and people start dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
Act 1 – Hiding:
Opening
AJ: Beginning: Benedict is sent out into the world and is mistreated by people.
PJ: Inciting Incident: 7 kills the inventor. A robot kills a person putting the existence of all human-like robots in danger.
Inciting Incident
PJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Beginning: Throwing itself away, the robot finds a baby girl in the waste.
Genre: PJ: Act 2: AJ: Inciting Incident: It brings up the human child, hiding and protecting it from the cruel society that let the child down. An evil evasive robot kills more people.He seizes an opportunity to take control of growing hatred in an underhanded way to turn it against people. People invite robots to come for recycling if they want to be of service. People disappear and our robot uses their IDs.
Deeper Layer: Thinking for oneself is frowned upon.
Turning Point
Genre: People decide to get rid of human robots altogether.
Deeper Layer: What’s going on is dehumanization of people, not robots.
The robot who saved the baby gets an invitation to the humanity test.
The teen girl steals the invitation to pass the test instead of her robot.
PJ: Inciting Incident: Her robot gets recycling invitation and she goes to pass the test instead of it.
Deeper Layer: People are asked to betray their robots and out of fear they do exactly that.
The girl fails, she is recognized to be a robot and is sent to recycling.
Act 2 – Coping:
New plan
She appeals to court and fails.
Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A girl and her robot try to survive the dehumanization program.
PJ: Turning Point 1: Her test shows she is a robot and she is sent to recycling.
PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The girl is about to be killed because of 7.
Genre: Deeper Layer: There are traces of murders in the recycling facility.Someone was killed in the recycling facility
Plan in action
AJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Act 2: PJ: Act 3: The robot saves the girl and others.They escape from recycling and dehumanization program.
They hide.
Midpoint Turning Point
TPJ: Turning Point 3: But they get caught.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: She starts robot and human unrest.
AJ: Act 2: He attempts to stop the riot.
Act 3 – Growing:
Rethink everything
Deeper Layer: The voice of reason gets turned inside out (as if he protects robots)
AJ Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Suggests a fair play as a solution. For the sake of fairness and entertainment, people offer the robots to play a humanity game, in which those who fail get destroyed.
Deeper Layer: Influences Surface Story: The debate gets more and more heated. People choose a cruel game to sort people and robots.
New plan
PJ: Act 3: Lo leads the robots through the traps, to save her robot. Robots and people help each other to go through trials.
Genre: The tasks, puzzles and traps are created in a way nobody can survive.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
AJ: Act 3: PJ: Turning Point 3: A mysterious flying robot kills those who found the solutions for everyone in previous rounds.
Deeper Layer: Someone kills robots without following any procedures (human red herring?)
Act 4 – Winning:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Genre: The girl figures out what’s going on but her discovery leads them into a trap. Now she has to die.
AJ: Turning Point 3: PJ: Act 4 Climax: PJ: Act 4 Climax: Lo and 7 find who it is. Our robot fights the mysterious one. Turns out the politician running the dehumanization program is a robot.
Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: A robot exploits society’s hatred and fear to gain control over them.
Resolution
Both robots die. The girl lives to build a world where humanity comes first for every creation.
PJ: Resolution: 7 dies but his human-creation lives to see the new world.
PJ: Resolution: Lo shows the world what’s going on with it.
Deeper Layer: Just being herself saves Lo so she can save everyone.
Deeper Layer: People were betraying themselves all along. They were fooled by a robot.
-
Valeriya’s Deeper Layer!
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I am absolutely capable of building in an engaging deeper layer!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– Very insightful experience, helps to make sure I can put the main point across.
– For the thriller genre this exercise is essential.
– Got another breakthrough on the theme and how it can be expressed.
BOO WHO HOO: Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.
Surface Layer: A monster ruins Irene’s life.
Deeper Layer: Irene ruins her life and the monster tries to stop her.
Major Reveal: The monster is made of every desire Irene ever gave up on, it’s not trying to kill Irene, it’s asking for help.
Influences Surface Story:
– The monster comes out believing that Irene can help it.
– It shows her that life is short.
– It plays with her the games she used to like.
– It pushes her to enjoy her life.
– It gets worse every time Irene goes to her old ways.
Hints:
– Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).
– She gets scared first, then the monster appears, not the other way around!
– As soon as she decides to change the monster falls apart.
Changes Reality: Discovering that the monster is made of her dreams, Irene realizes she created all the scary moments in her story.
7RDRD4: Robots became too human and people start dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
Surface Layer: A girl and her robot try to survive the dehumanization program.
Deeper Layer: What’s going on is dehumanization of people, not robots.
Major Reveal: A robot exploits society’s hatred and fear to gain control over them.
Influences Surface Story: The debate gets more and more heated. People choose a cruel game to sort people and robots.
Hints:
– Thinking for oneself is frowned upon.
– People are asked to betray their robots and out of fear, they do exactly that.
– Someone was killed in the recycling facility.
– Someone kills robots without following any procedures (human red herring?)
– The voice of reason gets turned inside out (as if he protects robots)
Changes Reality:
– People were betraying themselves all along.
– People were fooled by a robot.
– Just being herself saves Lo so she can save everyone.
-
Valeriya’s Character Structure
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless, and my projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I am absolutely capable of creating great Character Structures!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– The story reveals itself step by step, every exercise gives ideas not only about what is in the focus — I figured out the ending for one movie, and the details I needed to honor the premise.
– It’s a very good way to clarify the logic of a story and tighten it up.
– I knew I needed this step and it’s in the program!
– I’m getting better and better at screenwriting, it feels great.
BOO WHO HOO: Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.
IRENE
Beginning: Irene lives in anxiety, her childhood friend tells her to see a shrink.
Inciting Incident: Shrink recommends Irene to talk to the monster under the bed, and she does.
Turning Point 1: The monster comes out and starts creating a mess and threatening Irene.
Act 2: Irene tries to get rid of the monster, poisons it, locks it out.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Monster takes revenge by killing people around her.
Act 3: Irene negotiates with the monster and looks for unrelated victims to keep it quiet.
Turning Point 3: Her plan fails, and now she has a kid at her place.
Act 4 Climax: Irene fights the monster and understands that the monster wants to die. But she can’t kill it! She hugs it, and it gives her what it was made of — all of it.
Resolution: Turns out it’s not a monster but her unrealized dreams.
BOO
Beginning: For years Irene’s unrealized dreams and suppressed desires
Inciting Incident: For the first time Irene talks to Boo, about her dreams, and asks Boo to come out.
Turning Point 1: Boo comes out to play.
Act 2: Boo shows Irene life is short and instead of being afraid she should live. Boo prompts Irene to create art, call her mom, see her family, take care of herself, go out and have fun, make peace with her dad’s predicament.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Unable to sustain her pain, Irene decides to harm people.
Act 3: Boo pushes Irene to meet the guy she likes.
Turning Point 3: Boo wants to save Irene from death.
Act 4 Climax: Irene wants to kill Boo. Boo succeeds to be realized.
Resolution: Boo transforms into Irene’s life of fulfillment.
7RDRD4: Robots became too human and people start dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
LO
Beginning: She is found and brought up by a robot.
Inciting Incident: Her robot gets recycling invitation and she goes to pass the test instead of it.
Turning Point 1: Her test shows she is a robot and she is sent to recycling.
Act 2: Lo, her robot and other robots escape from recycling.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: She starts robot and human unrest.
Act 3: Society votes for fair open games for the robots who escaped recycling. Lo leads the robots through the traps, to save her robot.
Turning Point 3: Someone kills the robots who survive the game.
Act 4 Climax: Lo and 7 find who it is and fight with him.
Resolution: Lo shows the world what’s going on with it.
7RDRD4
Beginning:
Inciting Incident: Kills the inventor.
Turning Point 1: Wants to end life, but finds a baby.
Act 2: Brings up a human best way it can.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The girl is about to be killed because of it.
Act 3: 7 saves the girl.
Turning Point 3: But they get caught and must play a rigged game.
Act 4 Climax: They fight the instigator of hatred.
Resolution: 7 dies but his human-creation lives to see the new world.
BENEDICT
Beginning: Benedict is sent out into the world and is mistreated by people.
Inciting Incident: He seizes an opportunity to take control of growing hatred in an underhanded way to turn it against people.
Turning Point 1: Robots escape his dehumanization program.
Act 2: He attempts to stop the riot.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Suggests a fair play as a solution.
Act 3: He helps the game to go the right way by killing the robots.
Turning Point 3: He is found out by Lo and 7.
Act 4 Climax: They fight. His deeds get exposed.
Resolution: He chooses to die.
-
Valeriya’s Character Profiles Part 2
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding entertainment and bring yet unseen commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
It is so much fun to discover what is under the surface for my characters!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– This process helps to add a few more layers and twists in the story.
– As the discoveries compound the story becomes more and more cohesive.
– Got a clear understanding of what a flaw really is.
BOO WHO HOO
A. The High Concept.
Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.
IRENE
B. This character’s journey.
Arc Beginning: Lonely, depressed, and scared freelance designer.
Arc Ending: Free and fearless creator who doesn’t hold back.
Internal Journey: From sad and scared to empowered.
External Journey: From being a victim of a monster to setting the monster and herself free.
Old Ways:
Confused
Scared, living in fear and anxiety
Lonely
Low self-esteem
Suppressing her feelings
Putting up with her monster
New Ways:
Free
Creative
Empowered
Clear
Trusting herself
In love with life
Fearless
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
She is alone against a horrible monster, and she finds creative ways of dealing with it.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
This monster is her creation, in a sense, she fights against herself. Like everyone of us she has her fears, the monster, which seems ridiculous to others, but feels very real to her.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Talking to a monster over a drink like it’s her best friend. Tricking it, befriending it, fighting it, helping it, embracing it. Introducing the monster to her family. Crying with the monster. Finding a victim for it. Fighting it at the dentist.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Home alone, spooked, trying to change a bulb asap. Reactive psyche, everything is a threat to her or she is waiting for bad things to happen.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Anxious introvert, a fierce fighter, plotting murderer, pensive artist, shameless seductress, socially awkward, deeply empathetic.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Her own fears take the life out of her. She tries to stop her fear from destroying everything.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
Her relationship with the monster. Her relationship with everyone else is dictated by the presence of the monster in her life.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
She tells the truth but it’s always taken as a joke. She has an ongoing dialogue with her monster.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Irene can find countless ways to avoid moving on with her life. She is ready to suffer for it, thinking it’s a lesser evil –– safer that way… Until it’s not.
Role in the Story:
Protagonist and Antagonist
Logline: Irene is a lonely freelance designer who wants to be happy, have a family, and enjoy social life but can’t because of the monster that’s attached to her.
Unique: She invites her monster to come out.
Age range and Description:
Late 20s, in need of sunshine vitamin, and other clothes than t-shirt and pj’s pants. Sad, on edge, bitten nails, shifty gaze.
Core Traits:
Creative
Honest
Desperate
Confused
Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To get rid of the monster
Need: To learn to love and enjoy life and herself
Wound:
Her father had a stroke in his prime and she blames herself.
Connection:
Likability:
– Good artist
– Loves her cat
– Wants to face her problems
– Trying the best she can
Relatability:
– Wants to change her life
– Has excuses that hold her back
– Suffers toothache
– Thought she’d achieve more by now
– Shy
– Has a monster under her bed
Empathy:
– Gets scared alone
– Thinks something is wrong with her
– Worried about her cat and others
– Nobody believes her
Character Subtext:
Subtext Identity: Irene is an unfulfilled woman afraid of life that she believes she is not made for. She uses a monster as an excuse for not even trying.
Subtext Trait: Unworthy, fearful, cowardly
Subtext Logline: Irene is a weak unfulfilled woman who doesn’t take action because of the fear of getting hurt — hunted by a monster. Puts the responsibility for inaction on the monster (she thinks she keeps it quiet by maintaining the equilibrium of her empty life).
Possible Areas of Subtext:
– Agreeing with her repressive parents.
– Envying her friend and sister.
– Disconnected in intimate relationships.
– Hesitating to accept invitations.
– Watching how her inaction huts her and others.
– Sleeping in a daytime and working at night.
Hiding something – from herself, that her struggle is useless
Lying – about her problems
Character Intrigue:
Hidden agendas:
– To kick the monster out of her life
– To give other people to the monster instead of herself
– To change her life
Competition:
– With the monster — over who is going to live fully
– With her friend — over success
– With her family — over her identity
Conspiracies:
– With the monster about the next steps
– With the shrink about dealing with the monster
– With her niece about the monster
Secrets:
– She envies her friend and her sister
– She is in love
– Can’t have relationships because of the monster
Deception:
– Pretends to befriend the monster
– Tells her family she has someone
– She is afraid of nothing but there is always an excuse for inaction (circumstances)
– Deceives herself by inventing the monster (blames it for her sad life)
Unspoken Wound:
– She thinks her father’s state is her fault
– Her family treats her as unworthy
– The state of the world
Secret Identity:
– Monster
– Artist
– Nobody
Ways it can show in the script:
– Irene hides from the monster under the bed
– Negotiates with the monster
– She thinks she is going to kill someone but she is going to look for help
– Horrible drawings under the unsticking wallpapers
– Has things in common with the monster that scare other people the same way Boo scares her
– Sends her real artwork to clients unaware of her actions
– Bashing family scene and how this environment reflects on the kid
– Scares her friend and her boyfriend, her sister too
– Makes a huge dreamcatcher
– Talking to her dad about the monster
Hidden agenda to stay safe in her situation (doesn’t need much)
In denial of her fears
Flaw:
Cowardly, has no guts to face life
Values:
Safety
Character Dilemma:
Wants to be happy but afraid to go for it
BOO
B. This character’s journey.
Arc Beginning: Living in pain.
Arc Ending: Liberated.
Internal Journey: From rotting to life-giving.
External Journey: From terrorizing and scaring the light out of Irene to reaching peace.
Old Ways:
Hiding
Hurt
Scary
Needy
Angry
New Ways:
Free
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Incredibly scary but empathetic and playful monster.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
It scares the lights out of everyone because it’s created from fear, but it’s the one who helps to overcome all fears and find freedom.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Finding ways to communicate with humans. Bringing out their fears.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Playing with the mind of the main character.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Furious to helpless, menacing to understanding.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
It inspires Irene to love life. The monster is a bunch of unrealized desires that turned bad.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With the main character, challenging her to live her life to the fullest.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
It can find interesting ways of non-verbal communication. It cries.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
How ugly and disgusting it is, yet we feel sorry for this poor creature.
Role in the Story:
Antagonist and Protagonist
Logline: A monster that has been growing under Irene’s bed since her childhood. It won’t let her have any resemblance to normal life.
Unique: It’s made of her fears and it’s in pain. It doesn’t let Irene live, but it won’t let her die either.
Age range and Description:
Black, bumpy, slimy, big sad black eyes, ugly claws, shorter than Irene – the size of the shorter side of her double bed. Loses quite big pieces of skin. ET after a nuclear disaster.
Core Traits:
Hurting
Destructive
Helper
Wise
Motivation; Want/Need:
Want:
Need: Needs her to let go of it
Wound:
Being something beautiful made ugly, sorry, scary, and disgusting, unloved, she gave up on it
Connection:
Likability:
– It’s responsive and wants to help
– It’s playful
Relatability:
– It seeks connection
– It’s in pain
Empathy:
– It cries with Irene
– Nobody likes it or believes in it
7. Character Subtext:
Character Name: Boo is fear materialized.
Subtext Identity: Boo is a monster
Subtext Trait: Underhanded, taking control, driven
Subtext Logline: Boo is a monster created from unfulfilled desires and dreams that come back to bite Irene.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
– Shows Irene that life is short and precious
– Leads her into situations she was avoiding
– Offering its hand
– Crying
– Having a blast living to the fullest
– Fixing what she complained about by destroying, no person — no problem
Lying – it’s about destruction, creating beautiful destruction
Luring/seducing – to solve her problems
Withholding – it’s been there all along, that’s why things are so dark
Character Intrigue:
Hidden agendas:
– To help Irene get on with her life
– To stop its suffering
– To scare some sense into her
Competition:
– The shrink with her methods
– The family with their misunderstanding
– Irene wasting their life and torturing them
Conspiracies:
– With Irene to keep her fears at bay
– With Irene seeking help
– With Irene to change her life
Secrets:
– It’s her, and the best of her
– Keeps Irene’s secrets about her past
– Won’t get lost
Deception:
– Looks scary AF
– Destroys things (to make them better)
– Causes death (shows that death is inevitable and Irene better resolve to live until she dies)
Unspoken Wound:
– Needless suffering
– Loneliness
– Being seen as ugly evil
Secret Identity:
– Irene’s unrealized dreams and desires
– All the pain and fear she’s been through
– Helper
Ways it can show in the script:
– Gets mad when Irene gets back to her old ways
– “Kills” her father, friend, lover, cat
– Threatens her, her sister, niece, romantic interest
– Attends to everything she mentions
– The worse it gets for Irene the worse the monster hurts
– Pukes brown muck (mixed color paint)
– Wants to get closer to Irene
– Gives her a chance to change something before people die
– Knows Irene’s next step and is faster than her
– Keeps memorabilia (that spook Irene)
Secret identity – Irenes’ gifts
9. Flaw:
Doesn’t know where to stop
10. Values:
Living to the fullest
11. Character Dilemma:
Wants to scare Irene into happiness
7RDRD4
A. The High Concept.
Robots became too human and people start dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
LO
B. This character’s journey.
Arc Beginning: Lo feels worthless as a human being and wants to be like other people.
Arc Ending: Lo is empowered, grateful for her life, changes the world by being her authentic self.
Internal Journey: From hating her life and herself to loving life and who she is.
External Journey: From an outcast to the leader of humanity.
Old Ways:
Trying to fit in
Feeling inferior and making herself smaller
Hiding
Isolated
New Ways:
Taking risks, brave
Confident
Doing her thing
Caring for others
In charge
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Unique person brought up by AI, more human than most. Saves the face of people.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
She is a human in the making — by a robot. She never fits in and that’s a blessing in disguise.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Fails the human test. Reinvents the game of the villain. Saves robots and people. Makes human mistakes.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
(In her teens) breaking the pattern in the tune the robot plays — improvising.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Angry, defensive, funny, caring, cruel, scared, conforming, stubborn, brave leader.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
She can’t betray neither people nor robots. She is one of a kind.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With her robot, the team, society.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Trying to mislead/hack the robot. Jokes, irony.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
She can break/hack human patterns, not only robots’.
Role in the Story:
Protagonist
Logline: A girl who was brought up by a robot and wants to be like other people but stands up for her robot against them.
Unique: She is taken for a robot and sent to recycling.
Age range and Description:
16, misfit outfit
Core Traits:
Thinks on her feet
Hacker/Outside the box
Square peg
Emotional
Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To be like everyone else
Need: To be her own creator and masterpiece
Wound:
Orphan, brought up by a machine
Connection:
Likability:
– Cares about her robot and takes risks for it
– Different, outside the box
– Funny and bright
Relatability:
– Wants to fit in and is rejected
– Curious
– Makes human mistakes
Empathy:
– Orphan
– Outsider
– Argues about life
Character Subtext:
Subtext Identity: Square peg, faulty good
Subtext Trait: outside the box
Subtext Logline: Lo is a girl who thinks that something is wrong with her and tries to fit in as best she can.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
– Betrays her robot to fit in at school
– Goes out with the wrong guy
– Replaces her robot for the test
– Fails the test
– Leads the way
– Takes risks in the game
– Pretends to be a robot
– Saves people and robots from themselves
Hiding something – she is who she is
Luring/seducing – making people believe she plays by the rules (blind obedience doesn’t get you far)
Tunes herself down to fit
Character Intrigue:
Hidden agendas:
– Save 7RDRD4
– Become a part of society
– Conquer the flying robot
– Save all robots and people she can
Competition:
– With other people and robots for life
– With children at school
– With Benedict for the truth
Conspiracies:
– Hide with her robot
– Escape and run to safety
– Win the game that can’t be won
Secrets:
– She is a human being (changes her mind about proving it in court)
– Her childhood
– Her robot
Deception:
– Pretends she is a robot
– Pretends she is like everybody else
– Plays her own game
Unspoken Wound:
– Betrayed by humans
– Being inferior to normal people
– Different all the way
– Broken
Secret Identity:
– Orphan
– Leader
– Savior
Ways it can show in the script:
– Stops trying to prove anything and goes with the flow, does what’s right
– Pretends she gave up
– Searches for the flying robot
– Dates a moron
– Takes charge in the game
– Makes jokes about robots and humans
– Thinks outside the box
– Comes up with her own rules
– Changes the game
– Learns to reprogram herself
Deception – Pretends to be less than
Flaw:
Explosive
Values:
Connection
Character Dilemma:
Sacrifices her connection to self to be connected to others (challenge to learn to be a leader)
7RDRD4
B. This character’s journey.
Faulty machine to human more than most people.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
A robot more human than most humans. Neither man nor woman. Saves the face of robots.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
Robot living by human values.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Kills a man. Brings up a baby. Can fly. Participates in the game.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Falls to its death but manages to fly away.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Hurt, scared, brave, inspired, proud, tender.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Trying to live up to his creator’s values. Believes in people.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With the human child it has to take care of.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Has different definitions of the same things depending on the version update.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
It can reprogram itself.
Role in the Story:
Protagonist/Buddy/Mentor Antagonist
Logline: A robot who breaks rules to spare its creator the suffering, and to bring up an orphan.
Unique: Experimental model that has the feature of taking higher risks and making choices like a human.
Age range and Description:
About 18, androgynous, perfectly human, retrofuturistic outfit.
Core Traits:
Caring
Self-educating
Analytical
Ambitious
Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To learn what’s right
Need: To learn that what’s right depends, and making mistakes is human and a part of being creative
Wound:
Has to break some rules to meet others
Connection:
Likability:
– Risks its life to help the inventor and save the baby
– Tries to be as human as it can
Relatability:
– On its own
– Disconnected
– Wants to raise a good person
Empathy:
– Does morally questionable things to help people
– Mistreated
– Broken
– Forgiving
7. Character Subtext:
Subtext Identity: Disconnected outlaw robot, 7RDRD4 (self-opensource model)
Subtext Trait: Compassionate, Repentful, Independent, *
Subtext Logline: 7RDRD4 is a disconnected robot that breaks laws to save lives, and fixes one thing to screw up another.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
– Kills his creator
– Saves a baby
– Brings up a child to be a real human
– Breaks in to save the girl
– Steals
– Lies
Hiding something – the baby and itself
Afraid to say – doesn’t have all the answers
Luring/seducing – flying robot
Withholding – how many lives left
Plotting – to bring up a human (ambitious?)
Character Intrigue:
Hidden agendas:
– Save and protect the girl
– Be what it was made to be
– Protect humanity from itself
Competition:
– Flying robot
– Society
– The girl
Conspiracies:
– With his inventor
– With Lo against the flying robot
– With other robots to stay alive
Secrets:
– Murder
– Autonomy beyond regulations
– Mind of its own
Deception:
– Lies to teachers
– Spares the girl from the truth
– Plays Lo’s game
Unspoken Wound:
– Outlaw
– Can’t give her everything she needs
– Broken
Secret Identity:
– Unique and precious
– More human than human
– Someone’s creation
Ways it can show in the script:
– Learns from the girl to be more human
– The boy who tortured him disappears
– Makes dolls and other must-haves for the girl — but with a twist
– Lo presses him to tell her the truth
– Doesn’t know what’s right
– Taking all the blame
– Respects the part of it that’s human — being a creation of a human
– Finds holes in systems
– Runs troubleshooting sessions with Lo
– Forgiving and understanding of human mistakes
Competition with flying robot for the world – the world of one person!!!!
9. Flaw:
Perfectionism
10. Values:
Humanity
11. Character Dilemma:
How to be right when it was made to make mistakes.
BENEDICT
B. This character’s journey.
Unhappy creation to dark creator of the new world.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Charming, clever, well-meaning politician, but in fact a calculating robot. He runs an experiment on people, social and psychological.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
The most charismatic human of them all. Persuasive.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Guides the discourse. Pretends to be a victim. Fights with his match.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He is not afraid of difficult conversations, raises important questions, ready to sacrifice his life for a good cause.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range
Ice cold, empathetic, logical.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
He is a robot. With his dark plans for humanity.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With public opinion and other politicians. With 7RDRD4. Nurse. Lo.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Creates the narrative for society, and achieves the goals he needs instead of those he declares. Super solid arguments and approach.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Manipulates people using their own ideas, which makes him powerful beyond measure.
Role in the Story:
Antagonist
Character: Benedict, antagonist
Logline: A politician who plays on people’s lowest traits to have control over them, but actually a robot who wants to get rid of other robots and rule the world.
Unique: Extra clever, knows well people’s weaknesses
Age range and Description:
30s, stylish, groomed, approachable, has a nervous glitch.
Core Traits:
Manipulative
Charming
Understanding
Solution-oriented
Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To serve people by enslaving them.
Need: To find a purpose.
Wound:
Sent out into this world all by itself, an orphan.
Connection:
Likability:
– Charming, clever, handsome
– Solution-oriented
Relatability:
– Striving for understanding between all parties
– Has a vision for the future
Empathy:
– Quirky
– Wants to keep things civilized
Character Subtext:
Subtext Identity: The most amazing being on earth, 7RDRD4, a politician
Subtext Trait: Manipulative
Subtext Logline: Benedict is a manipulative robot in the shape of a politician, who knows he is the most amazing being in the world, and thus should rule the world.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
– Kills those who are in the way of his perfect plan
– Recruits people using their weaknesses
– Hanging his crimes on 7RDRD4
– Promote dehumanization project
– Flirts with the nurse
– Riggs the game
Withholding – that some beliefs are wrong, the price of the measures and what’s going on in the game
Character Intrigue:
Hidden agendas:
– Get rid of the robots
– Rule people
– Prove his superiority
Competition:
– Other politicians
– 7RDRD4
– Law
Conspiracies:
– Hangs his crimes on robots
– Creates a game to show how dangerous robots are
– Supervises the court
Secrets:
– He is a flying robot
– Envies both people and simpler robots
– Puts everyone in danger by “trying to protect”
Deception:
– Pretends to be a human, politician
– Pretends he wants to protect robots
– Pretends he was a victim of a murder attempt
Unspoken Wound:
– Rejected creation (misunderstanding freedom)
– Misunderstood
– Lonely (people are no match for his brilliance)
– All the human side brings is suffering
Secret Identity:
– Robot went rogue
– Ruler of the world
– The one
Ways it can show in the script:
– Recognizes 7RDRD4 when they first meet
– Kills secretly those who stand in the way
– Fakes murder attempt
– Empathizes with people’s plight
– Organizes schools for people to get their human dignity back
– Takes over inventor’s place
– Tries to be where people are, very approachable
– Known to be a genius human of his era
– The biggest fan of the inventor
– Has a glitch – touches his face a lot
Deceives his friends who work for dehumanization (do they get caught?)
Flaw:
Over-Confidence
Values:
Efficiency
Character Dilemma:
He wants to serve as his purpose suggests but does the opposite for a greater good
-
Supporting Characters
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding entertainment and bring yet unseen commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I’m really great at creating purpose-driven supporting characters.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– Supporting characters have a lot to offer in terms of layers and textures of the theme, they can give some good ideas for the story.
– The more functions one supporting character can combine the better.
– In a script, every person is an idea. If not, they don’t belong in the story.
BOO WHO HOO
Supporting Characters: Mother, Sister and her husband, father, niece, store owner, friend, shrink.
Background Characters: random guy, dentist and nurse, people in the club and coffee shop, Irene’s clients.
Support 1:
Name: Agatha
Role: Nagging and estranged mother.
Main purpose: Keeps belittling Irene and everyone else.
Value: Shows the background of Irene’s problems. Monster’s godmother.
Support 2:
Name: Nicky
Role: Sister
Main purpose: Potential victim. Shows Irene’s other options.
Value: Shows the scenario of pretending to be happy when she isn’t. Happy on the outside.
Support 3:
Name: Stephan
Role: Brother-in-law
Main purpose: Bully, narcissist. Behave like a total jerk and get away with it.
Value: Another kind of monster. Challenges Irene, brings out her fears and insecurities, and undermines her self-esteem.
Support 4:
Name: Anthony
Role: Paralyzed father.
Main purpose: Potential victim. What was good in their family — frozen. Dies in the second act.
Value: Irene’s alter ego and the source of guilt. Fear of death. Scared to death.
Support 5:
Name: Christal
Role: Niece
Main purpose: Gives hope. Potential victim. Irene has to save her in the third act.
Value: Can see what Irene sees. Challenges Irene to step up her game.
Support 6:
Name: Theo
Role: Store owner, romantic interest
Main purpose: Potential victim. Shows ways of dealing with being scared to death.
Value: Challenges Irene’s old ways. Helps her change.
Support 7:
Name: Sunny
Role: Happy successful friend.
Main purpose: Potential victim. Show what Irene doesn’t have in terms of success and self-actualization.
Value: Shows contrast, and vision, highlights the untapped potential of the main character. Shows that life is short and precious, worthy of living until we die. Challenges Irene’s old ways.
Support 8:
Name: Sara
Role: Shrink
Main purpose: Push Irene to deal with the monster.
Value: Starts Irene on her journey, connects Irene’s situation to reality.
7RDRD4
Supporting Characters: Nurse, Inventor, F11, Policeman, his partner Robocop, Lo’s boyfriend, woman robot, politicians
Background Characters: Robots on the run, kids, a teacher, Judges, police force, humans, doctors, guards, hooligans, neighbors, crowds, journalists and tv hosts,
Support 1:
Name: Camilla
Role: Nurse, politician.
Main purpose: Starts the hate wave. Gets killed in the second act.
Value: Red herring. Represents the radical point of view, personifies the antagonistic force.
Support 2:
Name: F11
Role: Robot due for recycling
Main purpose: Betrays main characters while promising help, puts them in more complicated and dangerous positions.
Value: Betraying character. Shows that change is hard. And that not robots are good. Loss in the game (disposable character).
Support 3:
Name: BRIANAN
Role: Inventor of 7RDRD4
Main purpose: To get killed by his creation, sending 7RDRD4 on the journey.
Value: Gives purpose, message, meaning, and quest to 7RDRD4. Runs an experiment on robots.
Support 4:
Name: LUCAS
Role: Policeman
Main purpose: Defends robots, and stands on the side of what good there is in humanity.
Value: Shows that not all people are heartless or gullible. Dies along the way. Model of relationships Lo and 7 could have. Loss in the game (disposable character).
Support 5:
Name: ROBOCOP
Role: Ex-cop robot.
Main purpose: Serves his purpose till the end. Good robot.
Value: Loss in the game (disposable character). Shows the drama that’s going on inside Lo and 7RDRD4.
Support 6:
Name: ERASMUS
Role: Lo’s boyfriend.
Main purpose: Mistreat Lo, and betray her when she needs help. Next generation of haters.
Value: Represents humanity rejecting Lo. Leaves her no choice but to stand on her own. Challenges Lo’s old ways.
Support 7:
Name: LADY
Role: Robot due for recycling
Main purpose: Stock female stereotype character with a ceiling for improvement.
Value: Loss in the game (disposable character). Breaks out of her mold the way she can/given a chance to do so.
Support 8:
Name: ALT
Role: Alternative side in discussion on dehumanization.
Main purpose: Well-balanced citizen. Equality token character. Represents robots in society.
Value: Red herring.
-
Valeriya’s Character Profiles Part 1
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding entertainment and bring yet unseen commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I’m highly motivated to create engaging character profiles.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– Characters are not only about what actors want to be, it’s what the viewers are in their imagination.
– My robot deserves better traits.
– Learned a few interesting things about my characters and more about what villains and heroes have in common.
– Came up with an actor-oriented opening instead of the one I had in mind.
– Learned to have fun creating characters’ profiles.
BOO WHO HOO
A. The High Concept.
Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.
________________________________
IRENE
B. This character’s journey.
Arc Beginning: Lonely, depressed, and scared freelance designer.
Arc Ending: Free and fearless creator who doesn’t hold back.
Internal Journey: From sad and scared to empowered.
External Journey: From being a victim of a monster to setting the monster and herself free.
Old Ways:
Confused
Scared, living in fear and anxiety
Lonely
Low self-esteem
Suppressing her feelings
Putting up with her monster
New Ways:
Free
Creative
Empowered
Clear
Trusting herself
In love with life
Fearless
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
She is alone against a horrible monster, and she finds creative ways of dealing with it.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
This monster is her creation, in a sense, she fights against herself. Like every one of us she has her fears, the monster, which seems ridiculous to others, but feels very real to her.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Talking to a monster over a drink like it’s her best friend. Tricking it, befriending it, fighting it, helping it, embracing it. Introducing the monster to her family. Crying with the monster. Finding a victim for it. Fighting it at the dentist.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Home alone, spooked, trying to change a bulb asap. Reactive psyche, everything is a threat to her, or she is waiting for bad things to happen.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Anxious introvert, fierce fighter, plotting murderer, pensive artist, shameless seductress, socially awkward, deeply empathetic.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Her own fears take the life out of her. She tries to stop her fear from destroying everything.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
Her relationship with the monster. Her relationship with everyone else is dictated by the presence of the monster in her life.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
She tells the truth but it’s always taken as a joke. She has an ongoing dialogue with her monster.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Irene can find countless ways to avoid moving on with her life. She is ready to suffer for it, thinking it’s a lesser evil –– safer that way… Until it’s not.
Role in the Story:
Protagonist and Antagonist
Logline: Irene is a lonely freelance designer who wants to be happy, have a family, and enjoy social life but can’t because of the monster that’s attached to her.
Unique: She invites her monster to come out.
Age range and Description:
Late 20s, in need of sunshine vitamin, and other clothes than t-shirt and pj’s pants. Sad, on edge, bitten nails, shifty gaze.
Core Traits:
Creative
Honest
Desperate
Confused
Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To get rid of the monster
Need: To learn to love and enjoy life and herself
Wound:
Her father had a stroke in his prime and she blames herself.
Connection:
Likability:
– Good artist
– Loves her cat
– Wants to face her problems
– Trying the best she can
Relatability:
– Wants to change her life
– Has excuses that hold her back
– Suffers toothache
– Thought she’d achieve more by now
– Shy
– Has a monster under her bed
Empathy:
– Gets scared alone
– Thinks something is wrong with her
– Worried about her cat and others
– Nobody believes her
Intrigue
Hidden agendas:
– To kick the monster out of her life
– To give other people to the monster instead of herself
– To change her life
Competition:
– With the monster — over who is going to live fully
– With her friend — over success
– With her family — over her identity
Conspiracies:
– With the monster about the next steps
– With the shrink about dealing with the monster
– With her niece about the monster
Secrets:
– She envies her friend and her sister
– She is in love
– Can’t have relationships because of the monster
Deception:
– Pretends to befriend the monster
– Tells her family she has someone
– She is afraid of nothing but there is always an excuse for inaction (circumstances)
– Deceives herself by inventing the monster (blames it for her sad life)
Unspoken Wound:
– She thinks her father’s state is her fault
– Her family treats her as unworthy
– The state of the world
Secret Identity:
– Monster
– Artist
– Nobody
Ways it can show in the script:
– Irene hides from the monster under the bed
– Negotiates with the monster
– She thinks she is going to kill someone but she is going to look for help
– Horrible drawings under the unsticking wallpapers
– Has things in common with the monster that scare other people the same way Boo scares her
– Sends her real artwork to clients unaware of her actions
– Bashing family scene and how this environment reflects on the kid
– Scares her friend and her boyfriend, her sister too
– Makes a huge dreamcatcher
– Talking to her dad about the monster
________________________________
BOO
B. This character’s journey.
Arc Beginning: Living in pain.
Arc Ending: Liberated.
Internal Journey: From rotting to life-giving.
External Journey: From terrorizing and scaring the light out of Irene to reaching peace.
Old Ways:
Hiding
Hurt
Scary
Needy
Angry
New Ways:
Free
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Incredibly scary but empathetic and playful monster.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
It scares the lights out of everyone because it’s created from fear, but it’s the one who helps to overcome all fears and find freedom.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Finding ways to communicate with humans. Bringing out their fears.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Playing with the mind of the main character.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Furious to helpless, menacing to understanding.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
It inspires Irene to love life. The monster is a bunch of unrealized desires that turned bad.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With the main character, challenging her to live her life to the fullest.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
It can find interesting ways of non-verbal communication. It cries.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
How ugly and disgusting it is, yet we feel sorry for this poor creature.
Role in the Story:
Antagonist and Protagonist
Logline: A monster that has been growing under Irene’s bed since her childhood. It won’t let her have any resemblance to normal life.
Unique: It’s made of her fears and it’s in pain. It doesn’t let Irene live, but it won’t let her die either.
Age range and Description:
Black, bumpy, slimy, big sad black eyes, ugly claws, shorter than Irene – the size of the shorter side of her double bed. Loses quite big pieces of skin. ET after nuclear disaster.
Core Traits:
Hurting
Destructive
Helper
Wise
Motivation; Want/Need:
Want:
Need: Needs her to let go of it
Wound:
Being something beautiful made ugly, sorry, scary, and disgusting, unloved, she gave up on it
Connection:
Likability:
– It’s responsive and wants to help
– It’s playful
Relatability:
– It seeks connection
– It’s in pain
Empathy:
– It cries with Irene
– Nobody likes it or believes in it
Intrigue
Hidden agendas:
– To help Irene get on with her life
– To stop its suffering
– To scare some sense into her
Competition:
– The shrink with her methods
– The family with their misunderstanding
– Irene wasting their life and torturing them
Conspiracies:
– With Irene to keep her fears at bay
– With Irene seeking help
– With Irene to change her life
Secrets:
– It’s her, and the best of her
– Keeps Irene’s secrets about her past
– Won’t get lost
Deception:
– Looks scary AF
– Destroys things (to make them better)
– Causes death (shows that death is inevitable and Irene better resolve to live until she dies)
Unspoken Wound:
– Needless suffering
– Loneliness
– Being seen as ugly evil
Secret Identity:
– Irene’s unrealized dreams and desires
– All the pain and fear she’s been through
– Helper
Ways it can show in the script:
– Gets mad when Irene gets back to her old ways
– “Kills” her father, friend, lover, cat
– Threatens her, her sister, niece, romantic interest
– Attends to everything she mentions
– The worse it gets for Irene the worse the monster hurts
– Pukes brown muck (mixed color paint)
– Wants to get closer to Irene
– Gives her a chance to change something before people die
– Knows Irene’s next step and is faster than her
– Keeps memorabilia (that spook Irene)
________________________________
7RDRD4
A. The High Concept.
Robots became too human and people start a dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
________________________________
LO
B. This character’s journey.
Arc Beginning: Lo feels worthless as a human being and wants to be like other people.
Arc Ending: Lo is empowered, grateful for her life, and changes the world by being her authentic self.
Internal Journey: From hating her life and herself to loving life and who she is.
External Journey: From an outcast to the leader of humanity.
Old Ways:
Trying to fit in
Feeling inferior and making herself smaller
Hiding
Isolated
New Ways:
Taking risks, brave
Confident
Doing her thing
Caring for others
In charge
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
The unique person brought up by AI, more human than most. Saves the face of people.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
She is a human in the making — by a robot. She never fits in and that’s a blessing in disguise.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Fails the human test. Reinvents the game of the villain. Saves robots and people. Makes human mistakes.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
(In her teens) breaking the pattern in the tune the robot plays — improvising.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Angry, defensive, funny, caring, cruel, scared, conforming, stubborn, brave leader.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
She can’t betray either people or robots. She is one of a kind.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With her robot, the team, and society.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Trying to mislead/hack the robot. Jokes, irony.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
She can break/hack human patterns, not only robots’.
Role in the Story:
Protagonist
Logline: A girl who was brought up by a robot and wants to be like other people but stands up for her robot against them.
Unique: She is taken for a robot and sent to recycling.
Age range and Description:
16, misfit outfit
Core Traits:
Thinks on her feet
Hacker/Outside the box
Square peg
Emotional
Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To be like everyone else
Need: To be her own creator and masterpiece
Wound:
Orphan, brought up by a machine
Connection:
Likability:
– Cares about her robot and takes risks for it
– Different, outside the box
– Funny and bright
Relatability:
– Wants to fit in and is rejected
– Curious
– Makes human mistakes
Empathy:
– Orphan
– Outsider
– Argues about life
Intrigue
Hidden agendas:
– Save 7RDRD4
– Become a part of society
– Conquer the flying robot
– Save all robots and people she can
Competition:
– With other people and robots for life
– With children at school
– With Benedict for the truth
Conspiracies:
– Hide with her robot
– Escape and run to safety
– Win the game that can’t be won
Secrets:
– She is a human being (changes her mind about proving it in court)
– Her childhood
– Her robot
Deception:
– Pretends she is a robot
– Pretends she is like everybody else
– Plays her own game
Unspoken Wound:
– Betrayed by humans
– Being inferior to normal people
– Different all the way
– Broken
Secret Identity:
– Orphan
– Leader
– Savior
Ways it can show in the script:
– Stops trying to prove anything and goes with the flow, does what’s right
– Pretends she gave up
– Searches for the flying robot
– Dates a moron
– Takes charge in the game
– Makes jokes about robots and humans
– Thinks outside the box
– Comes up with her own rules
– Changes the game
– Learns to reprogram herself
________________________________
7RDRD4
B. This character’s journey.
From a faulty machine to something more human than most people.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
A robot that is more human than most humans. Neither man nor woman. Saves the face of robots.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
A robot living by human values.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Kills a man. Brings up a baby. Can fly. Participates in the game.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Falls to its death but manages to fly away.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Hurt, scared, brave, inspired, proud, tender.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Trying to live up to his creator’s values. Believes in people.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With the human child it has to take care of.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Has different definitions of the same things depending on the version update.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
It can reprogram itself.
Role in the Story:
Protagonist/Buddy/Mentor Antagonist
Logline: A robot who breaks rules to spare its creator the suffering, and to bring up an orphan.
Unique: Experimental model that has the feature of taking higher risks and making choices like a human.
Age range and Description:
About 18, androgynous, perfectly human, retrofuturistic outfit.
Core Traits:
Caring
Self-educating
Hesitating
Analytical
Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To learn what’s right
Need: To learn that what’s right depends, and making mistakes is human and a part of being creative
Wound:
Has to break some rules to meet others
Connection:
Likability:
– Risks its life to help the inventor and save the baby
– Tries to be as human as it can
Relatability:
– On its own
– Disconnected
– Wants to raise a good person
Empathy:
– Does morally questionable things to help people
– Mistreated
– Broken
– Forgiving
Intrigue
Hidden agendas:
– Save and protect the girl
– Be what it was made to be
– Protect humanity from itself
Competition:
– Flying robot
– Society
– The girl
Conspiracies:
– With his inventor
– With Lo against the flying robot
– With other robots to stay alive
Secrets:
– Murder
– Autonomy beyond regulations
– Mind of its own
Deception:
– Lies to teachers
– Spares the girl from the truth
– Plays Lo’s game
Unspoken Wound:
– Outlaw
– Can’t give her everything she needs
– Broken
Secret Identity:
– Unique and precious
– More human than human
– Someone’s creation
Ways it can show in the script:
– Learns from the girl to be more human
– The boy who tortured him disappears
– Makes dolls and other must-haves for the girl — but with a twist
– Lo presses him to tell her the truth
– Doesn’t know what’s right
– Taking all the blame
– Respects the part of it that’s human — being a creation of a human
– Finds holes in systems
– Runs troubleshooting sessions with Lo
– Forgiving and understanding of human mistakes
________________________________
BENEDICT
B. This character’s journey.
Unhappy creation to the dark creator of the new world.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Charming, clever, well-meaning politician, but in fact a calculating robot. He runs an experiment on people, social and psychological.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
The most charismatic human of them all. Persuasive.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Guides the discourse. Pretends to be a victim. Fights with his match.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He is not afraid of difficult conversations, raises important questions, ready to sacrifice his life for a good cause.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range
Ice cold, empathetic, logical.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
He is a robot. With his dark plans for humanity.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With public opinion and other politicians. With 7RDRD4. Nurse. Lo.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Creates the narrative for society, and achieves the goals he needs instead of those he declares. Super solid arguments and approach.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Manipulates people using their own ideas, which makes him powerful beyond measure.
Role in the Story:
Antagonist
Character: Benedict, antagonist
Logline: A politician who plays on people’s lowest traits to have control over them, but actually a robot who wants to get rid of other robots and rule the world.
Unique: Extra clever, knows well people’s weaknesses
Age range and Description:
30s, stylish, groomed, approachable, and has a nervous glitch.
Core Traits:
Manipulative
Charming
Understanding
Solution-oriented
Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To serve people by enslaving them.
Need: To find a purpose.
Wound:
Sent out into this world all by itself, an orphan.
Connection:
Likability:
– Charming, clever, handsome
– Solution-oriented
Relatability:
– Striving for understanding between all parties
– Has a vision for the future
Empathy:
– Quirky
– Wants to keep things civilized
Intrigue
Hidden agendas:
– Get rid of the robots
– Rule people
– Prove his superiority
Competition:
– Other politicians
– 7RDRD4
– Law
Conspiracies:
– Hangs his crimes on robots
– Creates a game to show how dangerous robots are
– Supervises the court
Secrets:
– He is a flying robot
– Envies both people and simpler robots
– Puts everyone in danger by “trying to protect”
Deception:
– Pretends to be a human, politician
– Pretends he wants to protect robots
– Pretends he was a victim of a murder attempt
Unspoken Wound:
– Rejected creation (misunderstanding freedom)
– Misunderstood
– Lonely (people are no match for his brilliance)
– All the human side brings is suffering
Secret Identity:
– Robot went rogue
– Ruler of the world
– The one
Ways it can show in the script:
– Recognizes 7RDRD4 when they first meet
– Kills secretly those who stand in the way
– Fakes murder attempt
– Empathizes with people’s plight
– Organizes schools for people to get their human dignity back
– Takes over inventor’s place
– Tries to be where people are, very approachable
– Known to be a genius human of his era
– The biggest fan of the inventor
– Has a glitch – touches his face a lot
-
Valeriya’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless, and my projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I have fun making my characters likable, relatable, and empathetic!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– I had a nice breakthrough about what my protagonist and antagonist have in common, which is the theme of the movie
– The best way to create 3D characters is to help the audience connect to them emotionally
– With this tool, I can create amazing scenes where the audience feels for both sides.
BOO WHO HOO
IRENE
Likability:
– Good artist
– Loves her cat
– Wants to face her problems
– Trying the best she can
Relatability:
– Wants to change her life
– Has excuses that hold her back
– Suffers toothache
– Though she’d achieve more by now
– Shy
Empathy:
– Get scared alone
– Thinks something is wrong with her
– Worried about her cat and others
– Nobody believes her
BOO
Likability:
– It’s responsive and wants to help
– It’s playful
Relatability:
– It seeks connection
– It’s in pain
Empathy:
– It cries with Irene
– Nobody likes it or believes in it
7RDRD4
LO
Likability:
– Cares about her robot and takes risks for it
– Different, outside the box
– Funny and bright
Relatability:
– Wants to fit in and is rejected
– Curious
– Makes human mistakes
Empathy:
– Orphan
– Outsider
– Argues about life
7RDRD4
Likability:
– Risks its life to help the inventor and save the baby
– Tries to be as human as it can
Relatability:
– On its own
– Disconnected
– Wants to raise a good person
Empathy:
– Does morally questionable things to help people
– Mistreated
– Broken
– Forgiving
BENEDICT
Likability:
– Charming, clever, handsome
– Solution-oriented
Relatability:
– Striving for understanding between all parties
– Has a vision for the future
Empathy:
– Quirky
– Wants to keep things civilized
-
Valeriya’s Character Intrigue
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless, and my projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I just love discovering the intrigue of my characters!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– Characters open mostly in relationships.
– Intrigue helps create interesting situations and reveal the theme.
– Passionate brainstorming always brings surprising results.
BOO WHO HOO
Character Name: Irene
Role: Main character (Protagonist and Antagonist)
Hidden agendas:
– To kick the monster out of her life
– To give other people to the monster instead of herself
– To change her life
Competition:
– With the monster — over who is going to live fully
– With her friend — over success
– With her family — over her identity
Conspiracies:
– With the monster about the next steps
– With the shrink about dealing with the monster
– With her niece about the monster
Secrets:
– She envies her friend and her sister
– She is in love
– Can’t have relationships because of the monster
Deception:
– Pretends to befriend the monster
– Tells her family she has someone
– She is afraid of nothing but there is always an excuse for inaction (circumstances)
– Deceives herself by inventing the monster (blames it for her sad life)
Unspoken Wound:
– She thinks her father’s state is her fault
– Her family treats her as unworthy
– The state of the world
Secret Identity:
– Monster
– Artist
– Nobody
Ways it can show in the script:
– Irene hides from the monster under the bed
– Negotiates with the monster
– She thinks she is going to kill someone but she is going to look for help
– Horrible drawings under the unsticking wallpapers
– Has things in common with the monster that scare other people the same way Boo scares her
– Sends her real artwork to clients unaware of her actions
– Bashing family scene and how this environment reflects on the kid
– Scares her friend and her boyfriend, her sister too
– Makes a huge dreamcatcher
– Talking to her dad about the monster
Character Name: Boo
Role: Monster (Antagonist and Protagonist)
Hidden agendas:
– To help Irene get on with her life
– To stop its suffering
– To scare some sense into her
Competition:
– The shrink with her methods
– The family with their misunderstanding
– Irene wasting their life and torturing them
Conspiracies:
– With Irene to keep her fears at bay
– With Irene seeking help
– With Irene to change her life
Secrets:
– It’s her, and the best of her
– Keeps Irene’s secrets about her past
– Won’t get lost
Deception:
– Looks scary AF
– Destroys things (to make them better)
– Causes death (shows that death is inevitable and Irene better resolve to live until she dies)
Unspoken Wound:
– Needless suffering
– Loneliness
– Being seen as ugly evel
Secret Identity:
– Irene’s unrealized dreams and desires
– All the pain and fear she’s been through
– Helper
Ways it can show in the script:
– Gets mad when Irene gets back to her old ways
– “Kills” her father, friend, lover, cat
– Threatens her, her sister, niece, romantic interest
– Attends to everything she mentions
– The worse it gets for Irene the worse the monster hurts
– Pukes brown muck (mixed color paint)
– Wants to get closer to Irene
– Gives her a chance to change something before people die
– Knows Irene’s next step and is faster than her
– Keeps memorabilia (that spook Irene)
7RDRD4
Character Name: Lo
Role: Protagonist, a human brought up by a robot
Hidden agendas:
– Save 7RDRD4
– Become a part of society
– Conquer the flying robot
– Save all robots and people she can
Competition:
– With other people and robots for life
– With children at school
– With Benedict for the truth
Conspiracies:
– Hide with her robot
– Escape and run to safety
– Win the game that can’t be won
Secrets:
– She is a human being (changes her mind about proving it in court)
– Her childhood
– Her robot
Deception:
– Pretends she is a robot
– Pretends she is like everybody else
– Plays her own game
Unspoken Wound:
– Betrayed by humans
– Being inferior to normal people
– Different all the way
– Broken
Secret Identity:
– Orphan
– Leader
– Savior
Ways it can show in the script:
– Stops trying to prove anything and goes with the flow, does what’s right
– Pretends she gave up
– Searches for the flying robot
– Dates a moron
– Takes charge in the game
– Makes jokes about robots and humans
– Thinks outside the box
– Comes up with her own rules
– Changes the game
– Learns to reprogram herself
Character Name: 7RDRD4
Role: Protagonist, a robot
Hidden agendas:
– Save and protect the girl
– Be what it was made to be
– Protect humanity from itself
Competition:
– Flying robot
– Society
– The girl
Conspiracies:
– With his inventor
– With Lo against the flying robot
– With other robots to stay alive
Secrets:
– Murder
– Autonomy beyond regulations
– Mind of its own
Deception:
– Lies to teachers
– Spares the girl from the truth
– Plays Lo’s game
Unspoken Wound:
– Outlaw
– Can’t give her everything she needs
– Broken
Secret Identity:
– Unique and precious
– More human than human
– Someone’s creation
Ways it can show in the script:
– Learns from the girl to be more human
– The boy who tortured him disappears
– Makes dolls and other must-haves for the girl — but with a twist
– Lo presses him to tell her the truth
– Doesn’t know what’s right
– Taking all the blame
– Respects the part of it that’s human — being a creation of a human
– Finds holes in systems
– Runs troubleshooting sessions with Lo
– Forgiving and understanding of human mistakes
Character Name: Benedict
Role:
Hidden agendas:
– Get rid of the robots
– Rule people
– Prove his superiority
Competition:
– Other politicians
– 7RDRD4
– Law
Conspiracies:
– Hangs his crimes on robots
– Creates a game to show how dangerous robots are
– Supervises the court
Secrets:
– He is a flying robot
– Envies both people and simpler robots
– Puts everyone in danger by “trying to protect”
Deception:
– Pretends to be a human, politician
– Pretends he wants to protect robots
– Pretends he was a victim of a murder attempt
Unspoken Wound:
– Rejected creation (misunderstanding freedom)
– Misunderstood
– Lonely (people are no match for his brilliance)
– All the human side brings is suffering
Secret Identity:
– Robot went rogue
– Ruler of the world
– The one
Ways it can show in the script:
– Recognizes 7RDRD4 when they first meet
– Kills secretly those who stand in the way
– Fakes murder attempt
– Empathizes with people’s plight
– Organizes schools for people to get their human dignity back
– Takes over inventor’s place
– Tries to be where people are, very approachable
– Known to be a genius human of his era
– The biggest fan of the inventor
– Has a glitch – touches his face a lot
-
Valeriya’s Subtext Characters
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless, and my projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. I am on the leading edge. My whole life is that way.
I love discovering the subtext of my characters!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– Discovered very interesting and not at all obvious subtext in one of the example movies.
– When both positive and negative traits are based on the subtext it’s the best thing ever, it’s where inner conflict lives.
– Interesting observation: noticed that hero’s subtext ID is the villain’s realized ID, and the villain’s subtext ID is the hero’s realized ID.
Horror Movie Title: The Descent
Character Name: Sarah is an extreme sportswoman who lost her family in a car accident.
Subtext Identity: Dead inside. Nothing left to be afraid of. Her friends are her family.
Subtext Trait:
Subtext Logline: Sarah is a grieving woman who has nothing left to lose and is desperate to take revenge on death.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
– Moving forward when others are stuck.
– Leaving her betraying friend to die.
– Taking revenge on death in a monster massacre.
– Joining the monster tribe.
Sci-Fi Movie Title: Archive
Character Name: George
Subtext Identity: A grieving inventor working on bringing his wife back to life.
Subtext Trait: Plotting, on the mission
Subtext Logline: George is an inventor hiding from his robots and authorities the project he is really working on.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
– Convos with jealous robots.
– Convos with suspicious authorities.
– Convos with his dead wife.
– Cover project.
BOO WHO HOO
Character Name: Irene
Subtext Identity: Irene is an unfulfilled woman afraid of life that she believes she is not made for. She uses a monster as an excuse for not even trying.
Subtext Trait: Unworthy, fearful, cowardly
Subtext Logline: Irene is a weak unfulfilled woman who doesn’t take action because of the fear of getting hurt — hunted by a monster. Puts the responsibility for inaction on the monster (she thinks she keeps it quiet by maintaining the equilibrium of her empty life).
Possible Areas of Subtext:
– Agreeing with her repressive parents.
– Envying her friend and sister.
– Disconnected in intimate relationships.
– Hesitating to accept invitations.
– Watching how her inaction huts her and others.
– Sleeping in a daytime and working at night.
Character Name: Boo is fear materialized.
Subtext Identity: Boo is a monster
Subtext Trait: Underhanded, taking control, driven
Subtext Logline: Boo is a monster created from unfulfilled desires and dreams that come back to bite Irene.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
– Shows Irene that life is short and precious
– Leads her into situations she was avoiding
– Offering its hand
– Crying
– Having a blast living to the fullest
– Fixing what she complained about by destroying, no person — no problem
7RDRD4
Character Name: 7RDRD4
Subtext Identity: Disconnected outlaw robot, 7RDRD4 (self-opensource model)
Subtext Trait: Compassionate, Repentful, Independent, *
Subtext Logline: 7RDRD4 is a disconnected robot that breaks laws to save lives, and fixes one thing to screw up another.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
– Kills his creator
– Saves a baby
– Brings up a child to be a real human
– Breaks in to save the girl
– Steals
– Lies
Character Name: Lo
Subtext Identity: Square peg, faulty good
Subtext Trait: outside the box
Subtext Logline: Lo is a girl who thinks that something is wrong with her and tries to fit in as best she can.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
– Betrays her robot to fit in at school
– Goes out with the wrong guy
– Replaces her robot for the test
– Fails the test
– Leads the way
– Takes risks in the game
– Pretends to be a robot
– Saves people and robots from themselves
Character Name: Benedict
Subtext Identity: The most amazing being on earth, 7RDRD4, a politician
Subtext Trait: Manipulative
Subtext Logline: Benedict is a manipulative robot in the shape of a politician, who knows he is the most amazing being in the world, and thus should rule the world.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
– Kills those who are in the way of his perfect plan
– Recruits people using their weaknesses
– Hanging his crimes on 7RDRD4
– Promote dehumanization project
– Flirts with the nurse
– Riggs the game
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Valeriya’s Actor attractors!
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless, and my projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I just love creating Actor Attractors for my characters!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– I was avoiding personal connection to the characters I create, but as we are in an outside-the-box experiment, I decided to lend them whatever emotional credibility fits their story. And I find the characters can only benefit from it.
– Special scene to showcase the acting talent we need.
– This lesson opened my eyes to the opportunities for achieving mastery.
BOO WHO HOO
Lead Character Name: IRENE
Role: Protagonist and Antagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
She is alone against a horrible monster.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
This monster is her creation, in a sense, she fights against herself.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Talking to a monster. Tricking it, befriending it, fighting it, helping it, embracing it. Introducing the monster to her family. Having a drink with a monster. Crying with the monster. Finding a victim for it.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Reactive psyche, everything is a threat to her, or she is waiting for bad things to happen.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Anxious introvert, mad fighter, plotting murderer, pensive artist, shameless seductress, socially awkward employee.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Her own fears take the life out of her. She tries to stop her fear from destroying everything.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
Her relationship with the monster. Her relationship with everyone else is dictated by the presence of the monster.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
She tells the truth but it’s always taken as a joke.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Irene can find countless ways to avoid moving on with her life. She is ready to suffer for it, thinking it’s a lesser evil.
Lead Character Name: BOO
Role: Antagonist and Protagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Incredibly scary but empathetic monster.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
It scares the lights out of everyone because it’s created from fear, but it’s the one who helps to overcome all fears and find freedom.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Finding ways to communicate with humans. Bringing out their fears.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Playing with the mind of the main character.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Furious to helpless, menacing to understanding.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
It inspires Irene to love life. The monster is a bunch of unrealized desires that turned bad.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With the main character, challenging her to live her life to the fullest.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
It can find interesting ways of non-verbal communication. It cries.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
How ugly and disgusting it is, yet we feel sorry for this poor creature.
7RDRD4
Lead Character Name: 7RDRD4
Role: Protagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
A robot that’s more human than most humans. Neither man nor woman.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
A robot living by human values.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Kills a man. Brings up a baby. Can fly. Participates in the game.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Falls to its death but manages to fly away.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Hurt, scared, brave, inspired, proud, tender.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Trying to live up to his creator’s values. Believes in people.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With the human child it has to take care of.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Has different definitions of the same things depending on the version update.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
It can reprogram itself.
Lead Character Name: LO
Role: Protagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
A unique person brought up by AI.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
She is a human in the making — by a robot.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Fails the human test.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
(In her teens) breaking the pattern in the tune the robot plays — improvising.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Angry, defensive, funny, caring, cruel, scared, conforming, brave leader.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
She can betray neither people nor robots.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With her robot.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Trying to mislead the robot. Jokes, irony, poetry.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
She can break human patterns, not only robots’.
Lead Character Name: BENEDICT
Role: Antagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Charming, clever, well-meaning politician.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
The most charismatic human of them all. Persuasive.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Guide the discourse.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He is not afraid of difficult conversations, raises important questions, ready to sacrifice his life for a good cause.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range
Ice cold, charming, empathetic,
6. What subtext can the actor play?
He is a robot. With his dark plans for humanity.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With public opinion and other politicians. With 7RDRD4.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Creates the narrative for society drawing on big names, and achieves the goals he needs instead of those he declares.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Manipulates people using their own ideas, which makes him powerful beyond measure.
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Valeriya’s Actor attractors for Archive and The Descent
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless, and my projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I have so much fun discovering what will cause actors to sign onto my movies!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– To keep in mind the actors’ perspectives.
– I need to have special scenes designed for actors to shine.
– Monster movies and robot movies are not famous for attracting stars but they are great for creating them, so they must be even more powerful in actors attracting and building.
– Both of those sub-genres have a character-driven story as the subtext to a plot-driven story, which is super cool and unique.
– It’s the part of writing that’s easy to elevate but can be a game-changer in greenlighting process.
Movie Title: Archive
Lead Character Name: George
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
Cool inventor. Deep trauma. Unique situation. The twist ending reveals the truth about the character. Empathetic and evoking empathy. Most of the screen time.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
His actions drive the story. Very clever. Loving and caring.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Building a robot and interacting with his creations. Having a mission of romantic nature.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
Living alone with robots in a secret unusual facility.
5. What is this character’s emotional range?
Caring, loving, having fun to angry, egotistical, and cruel.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
All of the movie is his subtext that’s revealed at the very end!
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
With the robots who are jealous of one another.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
He treats robots like real people and real people like robots.
9. What makes this character special and unique?
His replica of reality he no longer belongs to. He tries to bring back to life his loved one.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
The last scene, where he thinks he achieved his goal and we discover what’s going on with him.
Movie Title: The Descent
Lead Character Name: Sarah
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
Dramatic transformation under immense pressure.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
The change she is going through.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Fighting the monsters, saving and killing friends.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
An extreme sportswoman who has great friends like herself and a supportive family. Her husband and daughter die.
5. What is this character’s emotional range?
Grief and fear to zero fear or mercy, extreme cruelty.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Fighting through the fear caused by her loss.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
With her friends — they save and kill each other.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
Readiness for everything since she lost it all and has nothing else to lose.
9. What makes this character special and unique?
Her behavior in extreme situations. Lost her human tribe and joined the monster tribe.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
Slaying three monsters like she is more of a monster than them.
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Valeriya’s Genre Conventions
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless, and my projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I’m completely confident building genre conventions into my structure.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– I love seeing how it comes together.
– Before I saw working on structure as the least creative and the most daunting part of the job, now I understand it’s where all interesting creative things really happen, it’s about the soul and the feel of the movie.
– I have so many ideas I like, looking forward to implementing the best of them.
– I discovered there is a 100% archetype story in my robot movie, I can use it.
– Nailed a great theme/moral statement for the robot movie.
Title: BOO WHO HOO (formerly known as WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME, I’ll appreciate your feedback on the new title)
Concept: Following her therapist’s advice, a woman brings an “under-the-bed monster” that doesn’t let her lead fulfilling life out into the light to learn how to live with it. But the monster has plans of its own.
Genre: Horror Thriller
PURPOSE: To create the experience of horror for your audience by taking
your characters to the point of hysteria.
ISOLATION: Setting and situation where the characters are alone and
powerless against the monster.
DEATH: Threaten your characters with awful, violent, and torturous
deaths. Create the fear of death or insanity.
MONSTER/VILLAIN: A person or entity that will inflict endless terror and
violence.
HIGH TENSION: Put your characters in sinister situations that are out of
their control, then turn up the heat to the point of hysteria.
DEPARTURE FROM REALITY: These are extreme locations, situations,
outside of daily life. Thrillers are part of our normal life. Horror movies are
a departure.
MORAL STATEMENT: Under all of this horror is a social message about
what are acceptable values and what lines not to cross. Those who violate
these values are punished in a bad way.
PURPOSE: To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists, and
suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax.
LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS. They face danger at every step –either
physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger
or there is the implication of future danger.
MYSTERY/INTRIGUE/SUSPENSE: There’s a mystery that must be solved in
order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s plan.
Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces.
HERO: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero
VILLAIN: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy
anyone who gets in their way.
MAIN EMOTIONS: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation,
uncertainty, and surprise.
Act 1 – Wake up call:
Opening
Irene is depressed, lonely, and unhappy. Something bothers her at her place, she is afraid of every sound. She tells her cat Lucky not to go under the bed. She doesn’t notice she hurts herself (pinching, biting nails and lips). She turns on the TV not to feel alone. Her wisdom tooth starts bothering her. Her life and relationships are ugly. It becomes obvious to her when her successful childhood friend comes to town, the one who lives her life to the fullest. They meet and Irene realizes she needs help. Her cat disappears.
Inciting Incident
Irene senses there’s someone in the house. She has a nervous breakdown and decides to go see a shrink. The shrink suggests communicating with the monster that presumably lives under Irenes’ bed. Irene starts talking to the monster.
Turning Point
The monster comes out.
______________________________
Act 2 – Run or hide it:
New plan
Strange things start happening: the picture of her family breaks, she finds a collar of her cat, there are weird reflections on her screen and in the mirrors, the lights go off way too often, or are on where she didn’t turn it on. And when her hand hangs from the bed, something that’s under the bed… Irene is scared she calls her mom who invites her to come over for a weekend.
Plan in action
Irene goes out, trying to escape from the monster. It follows. She sees it in the window of the gallery. Its shadow follows her. She hides in the club. The monster is in the crowd. She brings home a guy and locks the door and windows to keep the monster out. The guy disappears.
Irene goes to see her family. The monster is there. When her mom reminds her that she’s turning 30 and she is still alone, Irene says she is not alone, that’s the thing. Why didn’t she tell them? She wanted it to be a surprise. She introduces the monster and invites it to the table. Everyone believes a guy is about to come in. They wait. Irene’s niece checks and comes back quiet. Mom goes to welcome the guest. Nobody. Stupid joke. Irene’s niece confirms the monster is real. Irene’s niece gives her cryptic advice on dealing with monsters.
Midpoint Turning Point
Irene goes to the dentist to pull her wisdom tooth. The monster comes back. She runs away from the dentist without treatment. Irene’s friends and family disappear.
______________________________
Act 3 – Monsters’ showdown:
Rethink everything
Understanding she can’t run away, Irene starts hunting the monster, but of course the odds are against her – she is the one who gets hurt. Then she decides to pretend she is a friend of the monster and do whatever it wants to get rid of it. The TV changes the channels showing horrible news when the remote control slides under the bed. Irene’s friend is dead. The monster needs someone, maybe someone else, she hopes, because she can’t kill herself, although she tries.
New plan
Irene and the monster go out to kill someone. They come to a 24/7 shop. She buys painkillers, they have a convo on dealing with pian vs. killing it. There’s something in the store. The manager hides from the monster with Irene. He walks her back to her place. She invites him to come up. He passes.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
It’s on then the monster and Irene have to sort it out now. Suddenly, Irene’s mom brings the niece who has to stay with Irene, whose sister is in hospital.
______________________________
Act 4 – Monsters united:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Irene decides to kill her niece to get rid of the monster. The monster stops Irene from committing murder. Irene realizes she has been terrorizing herself and others all this time. She embraces her fears and breaks free from them. Monster gives her a gift. It shows Irene what she wants and helps her get rid of her fears. (Leaving it here for now: when she was a child, Irene was hiding under the bed). In the morning emergency takes Irene away.
Resolution
Irene becomes an artist who can see other’s monsters. Her art is a reminder that sets them free. Her paintings are in the gallery. She dates the guy she connected with thanks to the monster. She tells the shrink no longer needs therapy. The kid can sense the presence of her own monster.
Title: 7RDRD4
Concept: Robots became too human and people start dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
Genre: Sci-Fi Thriller
PURPOSE: To explore the implications of technological change, alternative
worlds, and/or probable futures that could come from the changes in
science. To cause us to think outside of our own world.
FANTASTIC WORLDS: The world of the story is dramatically different from
our current world, in one or more major ways. It could be our world with
some major shift.
SCIENCE: The circumstances and world are based more out of science and
what it might possibly accomplish in the future (or in an alternate
past/species/world/etc), rather than whimsical dreams and fairy tales.
INCREDIBLE VISUALS: In exploring the fantastic world of the story, we see
things alien and bizarre compared to our current lives.
SOCIAL COMMENTARY: Because we are in a different time, place, and
experience, it is possible to explore current-day social issues, sometimes
going as far as making moral statements. It often contains idealistic hope
or dire warnings.
SUB-GENRE: The World/Science is the environment. The sub-genre gives
us the story.
PURPOSE: To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists, and
suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax.
LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS. They face danger at every step –either
physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger
or there is the implication of future danger.
MYSTERY/INTRIGUE/SUSPENSE: There’s a mystery that must be solved in
order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s plan.
Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces.
HERO: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero
VILLAIN: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy
anyone who gets in their way.
MAIN EMOTIONS: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation,
uncertainty, and surprise.
Act 1 – Human:
Opening
A robot kills a person putting the existence of all human-like robots in danger.
Inciting Incident
Throwing itself away, the robot finds a baby girl in the waste. It brings up the human child, hiding and protecting it from the cruel society that let the child down. An evil evasive robot kills more people. People invite robots to come for recycling if they want to be of service. People disappear and our robot uses their IDs.
Turning Point
People decide to get rid of human robots altogether. The robot who saved the baby gets an invitation to the humanity test.
Act 2 – Robot:
New plan
The teen girl steals the invitation to pass the test instead of her robot.
Plan in action
The girl fails, she is recognized to be a robot and is sent to recycling. There are traces of murders in the recycling facility. The robot saves the girl and others.
Midpoint Turning Point
They are all caught.
Act 3 – Game on:
Rethink everything
For the sake of fairness and entertainment, people offer the robots to play a humanity game, in which those who fail get destroyed.
New plan
Robots and people help each other to go through trials. The tasks, puzzles, and traps are created in a way nobody can survive.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
A mysterious flying robot kills those who found the solutions for everyone in previous rounds.
Act 4 – The score:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
The girl figures out what’s going on but his discovery leads them into a trap. Now she has to die. Our robot fights the mysterious one. Turns out the politician running the dehumanization program is a robot.
Resolution
Both robots die. The girl lives to build a world where humanity comes first for every creation.
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Valeriya’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and out-of-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless, and my projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– It’s much easy to notice what’s missing in a short/broad strokes/big picture outline.
– It’s faster to write anything and edit it a few times than to write something great at once. Plus it allows space for thinking, and for ideas to flow.
– Focusing on structure and practicing to build it is the most important skill that can significantly improve my writing at this point in my career.
– I remembered that structure and possibilities that it holds really fascinated me ten years ago, and I’m eager to get back to my enthusiastic studies and experiments.
7RDRD4
Concept
Robots became too human and people start the dehumanization program to get rid of them.
Main Conflict
Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
Old Ways
Trying to fit in
Feeling inferior and making herself smaller
Hiding
Isolated
New Ways
Taking risks, brave
Confident
Doing her thing
Caring for others
Act 1 – Human:
Opening
A robot kills a person putting the existence of all human-like robots in danger.
Inciting Incident
Throwing itself away, the robot finds a baby girl in the waste. It brings up the human child.
Turning Point
The robot gets an invitation for a humanity test.
Act 2 – Robot:
New plan
The girl steals the invitation to pass the test instead of her robot.
Plan in action
The girl fails, she is recognized to be a robot and is sent to recycling. The robot saves her and others.
Midpoint Turning Point
They are all caught.
Act 3 – Game on:
Rethink everything
For the sake of fairness and entertainment, people offer the robots to play a humanity game, in which those who fail get destroyed.
New plan
Robots and people help each other to go through trials.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
A mysterious flying robot kills those who found the solutions for everyone in previous rounds.
Act 4 – The score:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Our robot fights the mysterious one. Turns out the politician running the dehumanization program is a robot.
Resolution
Both robots die. The girl lives to build a world where humanity comes first for every creation.
WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME
Concept
Following her therapist’s advice, a woman brings an “under-the-bed monster” that doesn’t let her lead fulfilling life out into the light to learn how to live with it. But the monster has plans of its own.
Main Conflict
Which one of them survives the other?
Old Ways
Confused
Scared, living in fear and anxiety
Lonely
Low self-esteem
Suppressing her feelings
Sad
New Ways
Free
Creative
Empowered
Clear
Trusting herself
In love with life
Confident
Act 1 – Wake up call:
Opening
Irene is depressed, lonely, and unhappy. Something bothers her at her place, she is afraid of every sound. She doesn’t notice she hurts herself (pinching, biting nails and lips). Her wisdom tooth starts bothering her. Her life and relationships are ugly. It becomes obvious to her when her successful childhood friend comes to town, the one who lives her life to the fullest. They meet and Irene realizes she needs help.
Inciting Incident
Irene has a nervous breakdown for no reason and decides to go see a shrink. The shrink suggests communicating with the monster that presumably lives under Irenes’ bed. Irene starts talking to the monster.
Turning Point
The monster comes out.
______________________________
Act 2 – Run or hide it:
New plan
Irene is scared she calls her mom who invites her to come over for a weekend.
Plan in action
Irene goes out, trying to escape from the monster. It follows. She hides in the club. She brings home a guy and locks the door and windows to keep the monster out. The guy disappears. Irene goes to see her family. The monster is there. Irene’s niece gives her cryptic advice on dealing with monsters.
Midpoint Turning Point
The monster comes back. Irene’s friends and family disappear.
______________________________
Act 3 – Monsters’ showdown:
Rethink everything
Understanding she can’t run away, Irene starts hunting the monster. Irene decides to pretend she is a friend of the monster and do whatever it wants to get rid of it.
New plan
Irene fights the monster and gets hurt.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Irene’s niece has to stay with her because her sister is in the hospital.
______________________________
Act 4 – Monsters united:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Irene decides to kill a kid to get rid of the monster. The monster stops Irene from committing murder. Irene realizes she has been terrorizing herself and others all this time. She embraces her fears and breaks free from them. Monster gives her a gift. It shows Irene what she wants and helps her get rid of her fears.
Resolution
Irene becomes an artist who can see other’s monsters. Her art is a reminder that sets them free. Her paintings are in the gallery. She dates a guy she likes. The kid can sense the presence of her own monster.
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Valeriya’s Subtext Plot
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and out-of-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless, and my projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– I love how this exercise makes it super easy to discover the subtext, it’s definitely better to do it before writing 100 pages.
– Subtext is not something mysterious. There’s a method to it. Subtext is the theme expressed through narrative devices.
– Choosing the right device for a certain theme helps to deliver it powerfully.
7RDRD4
Sci-Fi Buddy Movie
Robots became too human and people start a dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
The Fish Out of Water
Lo is a girl among robots and she is supposed to prove she is not one of them going through robot tests with them. People don’t accept her as one of their own either. She will discover what it means to be a human in a world where you’d rather not.
A Major Cover Up
Benedict is a popular politician running the dehumanization (of robots) program, but in fact, he is a robot who wants to get rid of other robots who could prevent him from achieving his goal of controlling all of humanity.
So what’s under the surface?
– Lo can’t tell in court that the invitation to the test was meant for her robot, because she doesn’t want it to be recycled.
– Benedict is the one who pretends to be 7RDRD4 to wreak havoc.
– Lo embraces being taken for a robot to stay alive.
– 7RDRD4 wants to be a person.
– The robots are blamed for killing the nurse.
– Benedict asks people to give robots a chance to make people believe it’s their decision to get rid of them.
– The game is made in a way no one can win — or survive it.
– Everything that makes Lo different from other people saves her and the robots.
– A robot could bring up a better Human than people.
– The message of the inventor was about the whole world.
– The game lets Lo show what it means to be a human.
WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME
Horror (Anti) Buddy Movie
Following her therapist’s advice, a woman brings an “under-the-bed monster” that doesn’t let her lead fulfilling life out into the light to learn how to live with it. But the monster has plans of its own.
Layering
This is the monster Irene created over the years. It wants to help her, but she is scared of it, which makes it get only scarier.
Competitive Agendas
They share one life, but it’s getting too small for the two of them. Irene will have to find a way to get a life before the monster takes over it completely.
So what’s under the surface?
– The monster is real.
– The monster tries to help, in its own monstrous way, but it doesn’t look like that to people.
– It only brings out the fears people already have.
– Everything the monster does is Irene’s responsibility.
– Irene needs to let go of the things that “turned her into a monster”.
– She has to find a way to love the monster before she can learn to love herself and life.
– All the suppressed issues are especially important for the monster.
– When Irene pretends to take care of the monster she actually tries to get rid of it.
– People think Irene went nuts, and because of that, they can’t really help her.
– Shrink is the one who provoked the situation and now she wants to lock Irene up.
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Valeriya’s Transformational Journey
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and out-of-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless, and my projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– I want to get really good at creating transformational experiences.
– Old ways and new ways are simple keys to creating action for a transformational journey and keeping the story focused on the theme.
7RDRD4: LO
Arc Beginning: Lo feels worthless as a human being and wants to be like other people.
Arc Ending: Lo is empowered, grateful for her life, changed the world by being who she is.
Internal Journey: From hating her life and herself to loving life and who she is.
External Journey: From an outcast to the leader of humanity.
Old Ways:
Trying to fit in
Feeling inferior and making herself smaller
Hiding
Isolated
New Ways:
Taking risks, brave
Confident
Doing her thing
Caring for others
WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME: IRENE
Arc Beginning: Lonely, depressed, and scared freelance designer.
Arc Ending: A creator who is free from fear, and not holding back.
Internal Journey: From sad and scared to empowered.
External Journey: From being a victim of a monster to setting the monster and herself free.
Old Ways:
Confused
Scared, living in fear and anxiety
Lonely
Low self-esteem
Suppressing her feelings
New Ways:
Free
Creative
Empowered
Clear
Trusting herself
In love with life
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Valeriya’s Intentional Lead Characters
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and out-of-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless, and my projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– Creating character loglines helps to focus on the conflict in the story, what the story is really about and how it all comes together thematically.
– It’s so logical to focus on characters in this way and make sure they deliver on the concept, I can see how this tiny step can save a lot of trouble.
7RDRD4
Character: Lo, protagonist
Logline: A girl who was brought up by a robot and wants to be like other people but stands up for her robot against them.
Unique: She is taken for a robot and sent to recycling.
Character: 7RDRD4, protagonist
Logline: A robot who breaks rules to spare its creator the suffering, and to bring up an orphan.
Unique: Experimental model that has the feature of taking higher risks and making choices like a human.
Character: Benedict, antagonist
Logline: A politician who plays on people’s lowest traits to have control over them, but actually a robot who wants to get rid of other robots and rule the world.
Unique: Extra clever, knows well people’s weaknesses
WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME
Character: Irene, protagonist
Logline: Irene is a lonely freelance designer who wants to be happy, have a family, and enjoy social life but can’t because of the monster that’s attached to her.
Unique: She invites her monster to come out.
Character: The Being, buddy/antagonist
Logline: The Being is a monster that has been growing under her bed since her childhood. It won’t let her have any resemblance to normal life.
Unique: It’s made of her fears and it’s in pain. It won’t let Irene live, but it won’t let her die either.
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Valeriya’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and out-of-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless, and my projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– My attitude to the creative process has changed and keeps changing – I realized I used to dabble at these small steps so that I don’t have to suffer disappointment. Those breaks on my creativity, engagement, curiosity, playfulness, and self-expression were so unnecessary.
– I’m about to create the first super solid outline in my life.
7RDRD4
Sci-Fi Buddy Movie
Robots became too human and people start a dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME
Horror (Anti) Buddy Movie
Following her therapist’s advice, a woman brings an “under-the-bed monster” that doesn’t let her lead fulfilling life out into the light to learn how to live with it. But the monster has plans of its own.
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Hi!
I’m an optioned screenwriter (x4), emerging director, published author.
In this class I want to write my best screenplay, get more out of the box for greater emotional impact and commercial success. I want to gain more tools to contribute to the art of cinema.
People trust me their secrets because I am a good listener, extra empathetic, so they tend to think I won’t judge them. I feel honored.
Let’s have fun!
Best,
Valeriya Ordinartseva
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Valeriya Ordinartseva
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Feedback for Rebecca
Hi Rebecca!
Right away, I love the marketing potential of your script, true story and your expertise in the subject are amazing assets! I agree that in the wake of Yellowstone success the demand for RAGMAN’S WAR will be higher still. I hope my thoughts on your pitches can help you get closer to success sooner. Let’s go!
I can see you wrote two drafts of your query letter, and I wonder why in the second draft you opted for replacing the hooks (storytelling) with pitch fest line (telling about the story). I think your first draft is stronger, so I’ll review it below. As for the second:
Rebecca’s 4 Pitches Draft 2
Query Letter:
H,
The funny thing about destiny, it gets even and bites hard.
It’s a very general statement true for most stories, but most importantly, the word “funny” prepares for a comedy pitch. If it’s important for you to keep the line, you may want to go simply: “The thing about destiny, it gets even and bites hard.” Or more ominous “The thing about destiny, it always gets even.” Or “Destiny gets even. True story.”
RAGMAN’S WAR is an action/drama based on a true family story comparable to the Grapes of Wrath, but in the 1927 captive coal patches owned by the giant steel companies. It tells of a reluctant World War One hero forced to kill again to save the lives of his town’s citizens.
I mentioned earlier, it’s not as engaging to read a logline/premise line as it is a query letter built on hooks. It might serve your project better if you follow Hal’s model.
How do you fight the bad guys when they wear the badges an carry all the guns?
Love this! It’s a great hook, fantastic conflict, and it does make us see the movie — in just one sentence. You could easily lead with it as well. Yet in this draft, as you put it between the logline and the offer, it comes out of nowhere, three changes of tone in four sentences is a bit of a bumpy ride.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
I am the first writer to investigate the 1927 Pennsylvania Coal Strike, the violent events censored from history until exposed by my novel Bucket of Blood the Ragman’s War. I have appeared on radio, television, and newspapers to share my unique knowledge of early Twentieth Century labor history.
Great credibility! I would suggest to cut the unnecessary details for the sake of clarity and brevity, along the lines of:
I am a labor history expert and the first writer investigating and exposing violent events of 1927 Pennsylvania Coal Strike censored from history in my novel, on radio, television, and press.
Thank you,
Rebecca Sukle
Elevator Pitch:
I’m finishing up action/drama movie inspired by a true family story about a significant coal strike, the violent events censored from history.
That’s pretty cool! I’ll give it a go, though, because it feels like there should be an easier way to say it (to remember) and fit all the important info:
I’m finishing up an action drama movie based on a true story of a family surviving a violent coal strike censored from history.
Pitch Fest:
Hi, I’m Rebecca Sukle, the first writer to investigate the 1927 Pennsylvania Coal Strike, the violent events censored from history until exposed by my novel Bucket of Blood the Ragman’s War.
Nice! As it’s spoken it might be clearer with some minor tweaks.
Hi, I’m Rebecca Sukle, the first writer to investigate the 1927 Pennsylvania Coal Strike, the violent event that was censored from history until I exposed it in my novel Bucket of Blood the Ragman’s War.
I have an Action/Thriller titled RAGMAN’S WAR inspired by a true family story. (Light Pause) RAGMAN’S WAR tells of a reluctant war hero forced to kill again to save the lives of his town’s captive citizens, but how do you fight the bad guys when they wear the badges and carry all the guns?
Great! But since I’m on a roll:
I have an Action Thriller RAGMAN’S WAR inspired by a true story censored from history books. (Light Pause) It’s a story of a reluctant war hero forced to kill again to save his town’s captive citizens from the bad guys who wear the badges and carry all the guns.
Phone Pitch:
Hi, I’m Rebecca Sukle, the first writer to investigate the 1927 Pennsylvania Coal Strike, the violent events censored from history until exposed by my novel Bucket of Blood the Ragman’s War. May I tell you about it in 30 seconds?
Here it’s not very clear what you are asking to tell them about, your novel, strike, events or investigation (you don’t mention the script/story). How about:
Hi, I’m Rebecca Sukle, the first writer to investigate the violent events of 1927 Coal Strike that were censored from history until I exposed them in my novel and my latest screenplay. May I tell you about it in 30 seconds?
(If Answer is Yes) RAGMAN’S WAR is a thriller based on a true family story comparable to the Grapes of Wrath, but in the 1927 captive coal patches owned by the giant steel companies. RAGMAN’S WAR tells of a reluctant war hero forced to kill again to save the lives of his town’s citizens, but how do you fight the bad guys when they wear the badges and carry all the guns?
I’m not sure mentioning comps here adds a lot of value. Maybe it does. It’s a bit confusing whether the story that it’s based on is comparable, or the type of film. My take:
(If Answer is Yes) RAGMAN’S WAR is a thriller based on a true story that happened in the 1927 captive coal patches owned by the giant steel companies. It’s about a reluctant war hero who must kill again to save his town’s citizens from the bad guys that wear the badges and carry all the guns.
Query Letter:
Title: Ragman’s War
Written by R. S. Sukle
Inspired by a true family story
Genre: Action/ Drama
The part above is not needed for a query letter, as it has to start with a hook. You can include some of this info in the end.
The funny thing about destiny, it gets even and bites hard.
Ragman, a World War 1 sniper, sees his brother blown up and retaliates. He picks off sixteen enemy soldiers but lets the officer remain alive, a big mistake.
Ten years later, the officer, Bucholz, tracks down Ragman, now a mine mechanic, and sets up the ultimate revenge.
As Commander of the company coal and iron police that invade Ragman’s town, the rabid Bucholtz violently dominates the community and targets Ragman’s family.
Ragman’s wife convinces him that distance from the Commander is safer than vengeance until Bucholz forces him into a final confrontation.
How do you fight the bad guys when they wear the badges and carry all the guns?
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
I really like this version of your query letter, see if you like any of the editing below.
Destiny always gets even. True story.
Seeing his brother blown up, a World War sniper Ragman retaliates. He picks off sixteen enemy soldiers but lets the officer remain alive.
Ten years later, the officer, Bucholz, tracks Ragman down and sets up the ultimate revenge.
As Commander of the police-for-hire that invade Ragman’s town, the rabid Bucholtz violently dominates the coal miners’ community and targets Ragman’s family.
How do you fight the bad guys when they wear badges and carry all the guns?
Ragman’s wife begs him to choose safety over vengeance but only until Bucholz makes sure that safety is not an option.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
I am the first writer to investigate the 1927 Pennsylvania Coal Strike, the violent events censored from history until exposed by my novel Bucket of Blood the Ragman’s War. I have appeared on radio, television, and newspapers to share my unique knowledge of early Twentieth Century labor history.
Reviewed this part earlier.
Wow! I must say, I’m not a huge fan of movies based on true stories, but yours is obviously super engaging in many ways. I guess it’s the reason why I spent time rewriting even what’s already good, just got carried away. Congrats, beautifully done! I hope you’ll find some of my notes helpful as you polish your pitch.
Best,
Valeriya
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Hi Linda! I’d be happy to exchange! Please send your outline to valeriya.ordinartseva@gmail.com
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Hi Farrin! Just saw your comment!!! Thank you!
Horror is a foreign land for me, let alone comedy horror)))) venturing out of my comfort zone one step at a time.
Let’s exchange if you are still up to it!
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Hi Claire! So great to see you toooooo! Watched Top Gun yesterday –– this class feels like screenwriters’ Top Gun academy! Many of us here are from MSC. More, there are three of us from Pro Series 25 I took (2008!!!!!). It’s amazing that we can follow each other’s progress on the way to success. Thank you – I’ll see where the monster takes me, I’ve never thought of writing horror, but here we are, out of the box! Let’s have fun. (by the way, I sent you an email about our movie)
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Hi Holli! Wow. Seriously cool concept 😎 I want to see this movie nooooooooow! I’m sure you’ll find a title that does justice to your idea.