Vaughn Roste
Forum Replies Created
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Rewrite, with improvements
INT. A BAR – NIGHT
The MUSIC PUMPS and lights swirl. It’s hard to have a conversation with the noise, so patrons yell at each other. TRENT, 40s, sits alone at the bar, swiping through his phone. Its screen provides 50% of the light in the room.
SAM, 20s, a shirtless bartender, notices Trent’s empty drink.
SAM
Another beer, Sir?
Trent, startled, looks up and eyes the bartender.
TRENT
It’s not a beer I’m looking for…
SAM
Something harder, perhaps?
TRENT
Perhaps.
The two lock eyes for a moment, but Trent doesn’t offer more.
SAM
Well, let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.
TRENT
Ever seen this boy before?
Trent shows Sam a pic on his phone.
SAM
I don’t know his name, but I know his face. He’s been in before. Haven’t seen him for awhile now though. Sorry I can’t help you more.
Sam moves off to help another customer. Trent surveys the room – men dressed in leather stand alone or in couples.
ROBERT, 20s, enters below the EXIT sign. His face lights up immediately when he sees Trent. He sidles up and takes the empty seat next to him.
ROBERT
You must be Trent.
TRENT
You’re late.
ROBERT
I’m sorry, Sir. There was a traffic accident on the freeway and then parking – had to walk like–
TRENT
No matter, you’re here now. What’re you drinking?
ROBERT
What do you want me to drink?
TRENT
Bartender! Two Scotch on the rocks.
Sam looks up from the far end of the bar.
SAM
Right away.
Trent turns his eyes back to Robert.
TRENT
(to Sam)
Make ‘em both doubles.
Robert shoots up his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything.
TRENT
The bartender says you’ve been here before.
ROBERT
I have. Not brand new to the scene, but – looking for new experiences.
TRENT
What have you done?
ROBERT
Nothing too crazy.
That’s all he offers. Trent tries a different approach.
TRENT
You know anyone in the room?
Robert takes a moment to look around.
ROBERT
The pup in the corner? Likes biting. Not my thing. Pretty sure Rubber Dude is on GHB or DMT or something. Muscle boy? Total bottom. And I heard the bartender had gonorrhea, but that might be old news, I dunno…
TRENT
Damn boy – that’s a lot of dirt. How do you know all this?
Robert smiles gregariously.
ROBERT
I’ve been around the block.
TRENT
And you’re still looking for…?
ROBERT
Not sure I’ve found it yet.
TRENT
Ah, well. Not sure I’ve found what I’m looking for yet either.
ROBERT
What are you looking for, Sir?
TRENT
Figure I’ll know when I see it.
ROBERT
What if it’s sitting right in front of you?
TRENT
Didn’t say I’ll know it immediately when I see it.
Sam arrives with their drinks.
SAM
Two doubles, on the rocks.
Trent hands Sam a $100 bill. Sam, confused, takes it.
TRENT
Keep the change.
SAM
Thanks! Enjoy your evening!
TRENT
Oh, I intend to.
Sam leaves to ring up the drinks. Trent turns to Robert and sips.
TRENT
So you sure you want this?
ROBERT
Yes – Sir. I’ve been looking forward to this all week.
TRENT
Good. But first I need to make sure you’re worth my time.
ROBERT
What can I do to prove myself?
TRENT
Impress me.
Trent DOWNS his drink and gestures to Robert’s.
TRENT
Finish your drink.
ROBERT
Already?
TRENT
Right now. Time to go.
ROBERT
(sipping)
Where are we going?
TRENT
Trust me.
Another gulp, and Robert’s drink is done. The glass is replaced on the bar. They both stand. Trent places a firm hand on Robert’s neck, and guides him into the back room.
INT. A BAR – THE BACKROOM – NIGHT
The light is even dimmer back here – but Trent knows his way around. He leads Robert directly to a ST. ANDREW’S CROSS.
Robert looks Trent in the eye but doesn’t say anything. Trent RIPS off Robert’s shirt. Robert doesn’t protest.
TRENT
Hands.
Robert offers them – and Trent straps each hand into the built-in restraints on the St. Andrew’s cross.
TRENT
Last chance, boy. You want this?
Robert nods. Trent growls.
TRENT
I want to hear you. Aloud!
ROBERT
Yes, Sir.
TRENT
Good.
Trent unhooks the flogger from his belt. Its lashes caress Robert’s bare back- gently at first. Robert contorts in a mixture of surprise, pain – and pleasure.
TRENT
You want more?
ROBERT
Yes Sir. Harder, please, Sir.
TRENT
Louder!
ROBERT
(yells)
Please flog me harder, Sir!
TRENT
Good boy. I like what I see. So far.
The flogging continues. Robert embraces the cross.
ROBERT
I deserve this.
TRENT
You’re going to take more. Not until you’re done. Until I’m done.
The flogger THUDS harder. Robert’s eyes flash in fear.
ROBERT
No, wait – stop. Ow, that’s too much. Don’t I get a safe word?
It’s the last thing he says before Trent puts in the GAG. muffling Robert’s screams – and flogs him harder than ever.
FADE OUT.
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INT. A BAR – NIGHT
The MUSIC PUMPS and lights swirl. It’s hard to have a conversation with the noise, so patrons yell at each other.
TRENT, 40s, sits alone at the bar, flipping through his phone. Its screen provides 50% of the light in the room.
SAM, 20s, a shirtless bartender, notices Trent’s empty drink.
SAM
Another beer, Sir?
Trent, startled, looks up and eyes the bartender.
TRENT
It’s not a beer I’m looking for…
SAM
Something I can help you with?
TRENT
Ever seen this boy before?
Trent shows SAM a pic on his phone.
SAM
I don’t know his name, but I know his face. He’s been in before.
TRENT
Seen him tonight?
SAM
Haven’t seen him for awhile now.
Sam moves off to help another customer. Trent surveys the dark room – men dressed mostly in leather stand alone or in couples.
ROBERT, 20s, enters below the EXIT sign. His face lights up immediately when he sees Trent. He sidles up and takes the empty seat next to him.
ROBERT
You must be Trent.
TRENT
You’re late.
ROBERT
I’m sorry, Sir. There was a traffic accident on the freeway and then parking – had to walk like–
TRENT
No matter, you’re here now. What’re you drinking?
ROBERT
What do you want me to drink?
TRENT
Bartender! Two Scotch on the rocks.
Sam looks up from the far end of the bar.
SAM
Right away.
Trent turns his eyes back to Robert.
TRENT
(to Sam)
Make them both doubles.
Robert shoots up his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything.
TRENT
The bartender says you’ve been in here before.
ROBERT
I have. Not entirely new to the scene, but, you know – haven’t found what I’m looking for.
TRENT
That begs the question what you are looking for…
ROBERT
Not sure I know that yet.
TRENT
Ah, well. Not sure I’ve found what I’m looking for yet either.
ROBERT
Does that beg the same question?
TRENT
Figure I’ll know when I see it.
ROBERT
What if it’s sitting right in front of you?
TRENT
Didn’t say I’ll know it immediately when I see it.
Sam arrives their drinks.
SAM
Two doubles, on the rocks.
Trent holds out two twenties. Sam, confused, takes both.
TRENT
Keep the change.
SAM
Thanks! Enjoy your evening!
TRENT
Oh, I intend to.
Sam walks away to ring up the drinks. Trent turns to Robert. They each sip.
TRENT
So you sure you want this?
ROBERT
Yes – Sir. I’ve been looking forward to this all week.
TRENT
Good. But I need to first make sure you’re worth my time.
ROBERT
What can I do to prove myself?
TRENT
Impress me.
Trent DOWNS his drink and gestures to Robert’s.
TRENT
Finish your drink.
ROBERT
Already?
TRENT
Right now. Time to go.
ROBERT
(sipping)
Where are we going?
TRENT
Trust me.
Another gulp, and Robert’s drink is done. The glass is replaced on the bar. They both stand. Trent places a firm hand on Robert’s neck, and leads him into the dark back room.
INT. A BAR – THE BACKROOM – NIGHT
The light is even dimmer back here – but Trent knows his way around. He leads Robert directly to a ST. ANDREW’S CROSS.
Robert looks Trent in the eye but doesn’t say anything. Trent RIPS off Robert’s shirt. Robert doesn’t protest.
TRENT
Hands.
Robert supplies them – and straps each hand into the built-in restraints on the St. Andrew’s cross.
TRENT
Last chance, boy. You want this?
Robert nods. Trent growls.
TRENT
I want to hear you. Aloud!
ROBERT
Yes, Sir.
TRENT
Good.
Trent removes the flogger from his belt. Its lashes caress Robert’s bare back. Robert contorts in a mixture of surprise, pain – and pleasure.
TRENT
You want more?
ROBERT
Yes Sir. Harder, please, Sir.
TRENT
Good boy. I like what I see. So far.
The flogging continues. Robert winces – and smiles.
FADE OUT.
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Hello everyone, I’m Vaughn Roste, currently living in Fort Wayne, Indiana. I’ve been writing full-time for two years, and in that time have published about ten poems, two short stories, optioned one feature, written a short which will be shot this summer, and won about 47 awards for screenwriting. I’ve written three features, three pilots, and about eight shorts.
I’m hoping to learn how to make my best writing better, even irresistible. Something unique about me is I’ve visited every continent except Antarctica and lived on four of them.
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Vaughn Finds the Essence
What I learned is a single relationship can be a metaphor for all relationships, and cultures.
Script I choose: Dances With Wolves – Michael Blake, 1989 – a movie that touched me greatly
Scene 1 Location: Fort Sedgewick. Dunbar is alone. p. 24.
Logline: Dunbar first encounters the wolf. His training tells him to shoot it – but he reconsiders, and lowers his gun.
Essence: Foreshadowing Dunbar’s character arc, this scene relates that Dunbar has a love for nature – and, of crucial import for this story, is willing to reconsider what he has been taught. He can make friends – and learn.
Scene 2 Location: Fort Sedgewick. Dunbar first meets a “wild Indian.” p. 27-29.
Logline: Dunbar’s first encounter with the indigenous population does not go well for either party – both of them are scared silly. Dunbar thinks they were stealing his horse and prepares to defend himself, but Kicking Bird was really only curious – and was surprised to be accosted by a naked white man.
Essence: Dunbar feels threatened and makes preparations – but his line “the man I encountered was a magnificent looking fellow” reveals that he too is curious, and on an intellectual level at least, attracted to the natives.
Scene 3 Location: The Prairie. A Knoll – Day. p. 41-42
Logline: Dunbar assertively takes matters into his own hands and rides out to meet the Sioux in full regalia. He encounters Stands with a First first, in the act of committing suicide. Again, his first impression is terrible, as Old Glory flies across his face. He tries to help her – she runs. He bandages her injuries with strips of fabric cut from the flag.
Essence: Dunbar is not here to hurt them – and is willing to forgo symbols of his nation to help.
Scene 4 Location: Feasting Fire – Night. p. 64-65
Logline: Dunbar has saved the life of Smiles a Lot, a Sioux adolescent in the buffalo run, and the tribe is celebrating a huge success. Wind in His Hair, the great warrior, takes an interest in Dunbar’s tunic, and trades him for his breastplate.
Essence: Dunbar has proven his worth and earned everyone’s respect – and Wind in his Hair’s trade is a symbol of acceptance and friendship.
Scene 5 Location: Kicking Bird’s Lodge – Night. p. 82
Logline: Black Shawl, the chief’s wife, wants to know how things are going with Dunbar, who has been given the honorary name of Dances with Wolves. Stands with a Fist says he is learning well.
Essence: In this really short scene, what Black Shawl is really doing is inquiring about Stand With a Fist’s feelings around Dunbar – and considering match-making them.
My selection for most profound essence: Location: Canyon Trail – Day p. 132
Logline: Dances with Wolves must leave the Sioux camp, people he has grown to love, because he is viewed as a traitor and will be hunted, and does not want to endanger the tribe. Wind in his Hair has never been good with words, and does not know how to say goodbye – so he shouts it from the canyon ridge – you will always be my friend.
Essence: In the emotional climax of the movie, his emotions overpower Wind in his hair, and the fearsome warrior we were first presented with acknowledges his friendship and love for Dances with Wolves. Beyond the love between two men, already so difficult to express, however, this is love between two humans – and love between two tribes.
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AGREE, in which case, you Reply to this topic and include three things at the top of the page:
I, Vaughn Roste, agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
