[Veleka Gray]

AGREE, in which case, you Reply to this topic and include three things at the top of the page:

“I, Veleka Gray, agree to the terms of this release form.”

Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

Also, if you don’t agree to this group confidentiality agreement, you’ll still need to sign an agreement that says you will keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Veleka Gray]

Hello, writers! I’m Veleka, now residing in New Orleans. I’ve been studying with Hal since June, 2010, and taken every class he’s offered, and I think I am finally catching on as to how to craft a winning script! I spent the first two decades of my life as a professional singer, starting at age eight singing radio jingles for Dixie Maid Sugar. The second two decades I was a professional actress on Broadway, had lead and supporting roles in movies, prime time, and fifteen years starring on soaps. The next two decades have been spent as an acting coach, narrating audio books for Audible, and learning to write. I’ve written 14 screenplays and produced most of them with my acting students as the cast, and I’m in production right now with another one, a Web series this time. I’ve studied with McKee, Truby, Hauge, Vogler, and almost everyone else, but I keep taking Hal’s classes because he’s a genius. After meeting Geoff Fairbanks at one of Hal’s Career Launch events in Burbank, Geoff suggested I add how I taught acting classes inside of San Quentin prison in San Francisco, and I can now handle any kind of guff from knaves in the biz. 😉

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Veleka Gray.

[Veleka Gray]

Cheryl, sorry to post here, but I’m not getting help from support. I need the recording of the call from last Saturday, and I was told it would be online, but where?

[Veleka Gray]

Hi, everyone!

I’m Veleka Gray in New Orleans. I’ve written fifteen scripts, some of which I have produced with my acting students.

What I hope to get out of the class is a deeper understanding of the thriller genre so that I write better scripts.

Regarding something unique, special, strange or unusual about you, I was the only person in the United States with the name Veleka until I started performing in soap operas, after which thousands of birthing mothers stole my unique name for their daughters! I wouldn’t care except that it was a great user name for Web sites and e-mail addresses. 🙂

[Veleka Gray]

I, Veleka Gray, agree to the terms of this release form.

If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Veleka Gray]

[REWRITE] Lesson 1: Clarify Your Story

Veleka’s Logline and One Page

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that when I have a story that grips me, it’s easy to lay it all out.

Genre: Historical Thriller

Title: Renegade Patriot

Logline: When Jean Laffite, a French privateer, decides to fight the Battle of New Orleans on the side of the United States, he is gobsmacked when his offer of aid is rejected by Louisiana’s Governor since without Laffite’s powder, flints, and fighting men, the entire country could well be lost to the British.

Story Overview: Privateer Jean Laffite and the businessmen of New Orleans have enjoyed a profitable business relationship while Louisiana was owned by France. But during the regime change in 1803 after Napoleon sold Louisiana to U.S. President Thomas Jefferson, the United States set up laws to prevent Laffite from continuing his legal raiding of ships because they are in a battle with Britain and they don’t care about the difficulties of the businessmen in New Orleans or Laffite. But once this law puts the livelihood of Laffite and the French citizens of New Orleans in jeopardy, they circumvent this unfortunate law by Laffite moving his base of operations from New Orleans to the island of Barataria where he begins smuggling to provide goods to the city. After that, the U.S. calls Laffite a pirate, even though they made him so.

The British come to Louisiana anyway, determined to seize New Orleans, doorway to the Mississippi and the United States, to take back what they consider their property, and now Laffite and his Crescent City associates have a choice to make. If they side with the British, it is possible that life could go back to normal if the Brits drive the Americans out. But Jean argues that if they side with the U.S., it’s the devil they know and he thinks they and their families will be better off that way.

Unfortunately, Governor Claiborne has a strong antipathy towards Laffite. He pretends it’s because Laffite is still smuggling and taking money the U.S. would be making from port levies. So, even though Laffite offers his flints and his powder and his men to the governor to fight the British, not only is his offer rejected, Claiborne sends the U.S. Navy to raid Laffite’s business in Barataria and nearly destroys it.

However, Laffite knows why the governor is so angry, so he sidesteps the jealous fool and goes to General Andrew Jackson and offers his help to him, and Jackson accepts, then asks someone why Claiborne refused Laffite’s vital help and is told people think Laffite had an affair with the governor’s wife. When Jackson asks Lafitte if that’s true, Laffite says that even if it were, he wouldn’t dishonor the lady’s name and kiss and tell, and a man doesn’t have to be a cuckold to be jealous of a beautiful wife.

Jackson tells Claiborne that he mustn’t play the part of Othello if they are to win this war, and he’s accepting Laffite’s offer. But Claiborne is determined to get rid of Laffite, and after the war he drives Laffite to Galveston. But after Laffite has trouble there, too, he decides to “die”. He changes his name, continues pirating on the Spanish Main, and ends up in San Francisco in 1849.

[Veleka Gray]

Veleka Gray

I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Veleka Gray]

Hi, I’m Veleka Gray, and I have been studying with Hal since June 2010. I’ve written fourteen scripts, but all of them have been practice scripts as I’ve delved into the craft and learned. In this class I think I’ll finally be able to write my first really excellent script. Something unusual about me is that when I was on soap operas in the ’70s and ’80s, a lot of pregnant women took my first name for their daughters. Before that, I had been the only Veleka in the United States.

[Veleka Gray]

Hi, Cheryl,

I did not get today’s lesson on feedback On the call Hal said we could find that lesson on the forums, but I cannot find it. I see “Lesson 5 Assignment & Feedback”, but there is no lesson. Where is it?

Veleka

[Veleka Gray]

Veleka’s Subtext Plot

● My work is respected and produced, and I am rewarded with success and great wealth.

● What I learned from doing this assignment is how easily the answers come when you know how to ask the right questions.

● Concept: A retired psychiatrist, scammed out of his savings, is forced to move his wife into a former asylum owned by his family, only to discover ancestor ghosts in the attic who demand therapy, or they will haunt the hospital.

● Give us a few sentences on how your Subtext Plot will play out inside this story.

★ Using #1: Scheme and Investigation, Judd must hide from wife Robbie that he has lost all of their savings, and he is banking his hopes on finding the family jewels that a ghost ancestor has hidden in the mansion (now mental hospital). He physically investigates the building, and he interrogates his great-great-great-grandfather when providing psychotherapy to him.

★ Using #7: Competitive Agendas, Judd doesn’t realize that his ancestor Patrick is only pretending to be his mentor, and he is actually his primary antagonist and is planning to take over Judd’s body to make love to Robbie, Judd’s wife, with whom he’s fallen in love, despite the fact that Patrick’s ghost wife knows what her husband is up to and will foil his every attempt to be unfaithful to her.

[Veleka Gray]

Veleka’s Transformational Journey

My work is respected and produced, and I am rewarded with success and great wealth.

What I learned from doing this assignment is how often my characters’s journeys mirror my own.

2. Tell us the Character Arc for your Protagonist:

• Arc Beginning: Judd believes he has no value unless he is rich

• Arc Ending: Judd embraces the wealth within himself of a lifetime of experience helping his patients

3. Give us their Internal/External Journey.

• Internal Journey: From feeling feckless and unworthy to finding out he has a true gift for healing

• External Journey: From being an average shrink and husband to being his ancestors’s hero and his wife’s romantic Prince Charming and that she actually, really loves him

4. Tell us their Old Ways at the beginning of the movie and their New Ways at the end.

• Old Ways: Judd doesn’t believe anyone really cares about him or respects him, just for himself.

• New Ways: He discovers that he has a lot to offer his family and community.

[Veleka Gray]

Veleka’s Intentional Lead Characters<div>

My work is respected and produced, and I am rewarded with success and great wealth.

What I learned was that once I understood about making the characters intentional and what the intention was relating to gambling and risk-taking, the muse just gave me all the info I need to write this.

• Character: Protagonist Judd is a retired psychiatrist and gambler.

• Logline: After Judd loses most of his and his wife’s retirement savings in a speculative venture, he invests the last of their funds in a former mental hospital that belonged to an ancestor to return to psychotherapy and recover his losses.

• Unique: Judd is actually bored with his conservative life, and gambling is exciting, but he goes too far and he’s too innocent, so the scammers got him.

• Character: Antagonist and Mentor Patrick is a ghost and Judd’s great-great-great-grandfather.

• Logline: At first ghost Patrick tells Judd he wants to move on to the afterlife, but then he falls in love with Robbie, Judd’s wife, so from then on he thwarts all attempts Judd makes to get him to pass on.

• Unique: Patrick in his day was also a gambler, but he became a millionaire (like a billionaire from today).

• Character: Triangle character Robbie is a retired psychiatrist and Judd’s adored wife.

• Logline: Robbie wants only to travel around the world with her husband now that they are retired so he can spend quality time making love to her now that they no longer have to work.

• Unique: Robbie is a builder, not a better, and only invests on what she thinks are sure things.

• Character: Antagonist Lenore is a TV personality and Robbie’s only daughter.

• Logline: Since Lenore is about to ask her mother to invest in a movie or TV show starring herself so she can have a big career breakthrough, she freaks when she discovers Judd has lost all their money.

• Unique: Lenore castigates Judd for speculative investment in bitcoin when she wants the money to bet on a show starring her that has no guarantee of any success.

</div>

[Veleka Gray]

Subject Line: Veleka’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

My work is respected and produced, and I am rewarded with success and great wealth.

Bill Martell talks about Intentional Lead Characters, and I’m very interested in learning what Hal will share about how to do this.

Veleka’s Title and Concept to claim ownership of it:

Madhouse Manor

“A retired psychiatrist, scammed out of his life savings, is forced to hide this from his wife and move her into a former asylum owned by his family, only to discover ancestor ghosts in the attic who demand therapy, or they will haunt the hospital.”

Veleka’s Character Structure: Ensemble Cast (since I already have the actors for this project cast)

[Veleka Gray]

Hello,

Where will I find the lesson? When I click on Post Day 1 Assignment Here, it doesn’t say what the assignment is.

Veleka

[Veleka Gray]

Hello, everybody!

I’m Veleka Gray and I’ve been studying with Hal since June, 2010.

I’ve written about 37 scripts, mainly for films I shoot with my acting students. I have them improvise a scenario in class and call out lines to them when they run dry. Then the scenes are typed up and the students “star” in a class film. It’s a lot of fun for everyone. 🙂

Since the next class film is a comedy, I’m here to learn more about the genre so our summer film is the best it can be.

Maybe the most unique thing about me is that until 1970, I was the only Veleka in the Western hemisphere. But alas! Once I started performing on soap operas, pregnant women stole my unique name for their babes. There are now hundreds of Velekas out there, and few know that the name is actually an adjective that means “great”. I’m still striving to live up to that. 😛

Looking forward to having fun with all of you!

Veleka

[Veleka Gray]

1. Veleka Gray

2. 37

3. What you hope to get out of the class?

A breakthrough in my courage so that I just love writing the way I naturally do and to forever let go of the fear of not being good enough.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you?

I wrote my first novel at age eight. Also, before I became an actress, I was the only Veleka in America. But once I was on TV, pregnant women took my name, and now there are probably hundreds or thousands of Velekas.

[Veleka Gray]

1. Veleka Gray

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

3. The entire text below is what I agree to.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Veleka Gray. Reason: Misspelling

[Veleka Gray]

I, Veleka Gray, agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Veleka Gray]

Hi, everyone, I’m Veleka Gray, now living in New Orleans, and have been studying with Hal since June, 2010. I’ve taken 99% of the classes offered. Not horror. Scared of that! I teach acting and started my coaching career in San Quentin Prison, teaching inmates in the re-entry program how to be successful on job interviews. I’ve written twelve scripts and most of them are contained since I learned how to do that during my fifteen years as a leading actress on six soaps on CBS and NBC. Soaps are the essence of contained drama and how you keep an audience engaged year after year so they will buy your…. well, soap! Looking forward to meeting you and learning new things about this style of writing. Hal always teaches me something new.

[Veleka Gray]

Veleka’s Character Interviews

What I learned doing this assignment was how extraordinary this interview process is. Not only did I get a comprehensive report about my protagonist and antagonist, but I got their whole histories, too, and some of their future. It was more than a character interview. It was like turning on the TV and watching a program that was already in full swing.

[Veleka Gray]

Veleka’s Character Profile Part 2

What I learned doing this assignment is that the story and characters are branching out like crazy. And since I know I can change stuff later that doesn’t work, I feel free to just put anything down that feels right, right now.

Arminda

• What draws us to this character? She is tough and strict, but kind and caring, and you can sometimes see her secret suffering.

• Traits: Not afraid to dive in and handle the hard stuff, no matter how messy the job. Genuinely humble and devout.

• Subtext: Deep, incurable shame for failing her child and whoever else, and she shows distress by rubbing the tops of her hands and by gripping her hands together.

• Flaw: Constant self-mortification for what she did and for failing her child. Can’t find or accept forgiveness, so when anyone tries to touch her or comfort her, she is not used to hugging and touching and pulls away.

• Values: It’s okay to hide, but when you do speak, speak truth.

• Irony: When she finds out her daughter is alive.

• What makes this the right character for this role? She’s strong and smart and lives in the present. She’s open to reality.

Lucien

• What draws us to this character? He’s handsome, seems sincere. Seems like a nice young man.

• Traits: Super polite, especially to senior citizens. He’s uncomfortable and awkward with children. He’s vain about his looks. Well-bred, wealthy family background. Loves rap music and to dance to it. Loves to dance to anything.

• Subtext: He could jiggle his leg, twiddle his thumbs.

• Flaw: Always looking for the advantage, the win.

• Values: He’s very sincere, committed. A natural bachelor, women’s chatter irritates him. He doesn’t grok them, can’t relate to them except socially.

• Irony: That if he had been sincere about the property he wanted, he might have been able to trade with Arminda and have it. But he was too afraid to expose his desires for fear someone would block him.

• What makes this the right character for this role? Arminda needs an antagonist like him to bring out the best in her, to learn to fight instead of hiding inside herself.

[Veleka Gray]

Veleka’s Character Profiles Part 1

What I learned doing this assignment is that if there is a proper framework, this is a fast-blooming story.

PROTAGONIST – Fighter – she’s mainly a fighter, came from a hardscrabble childhood. She is a medical doctor and psychiatrist and counsels the others.

ANTAGONIST – Predator – he’s the secret killer who seems to be interested in her office space as a real estate venture, but that’s his cover story. He’s buried bodies there. It’s his killing ground.

SUPPORTING – her friend and assistant, the Detective, the Female Cop, the others in our family, the strange Handyman.

MINOR ROLES – the Little Girl, the Little Girl’s Mother, the man who flirts, the secretary

BACKGROUND – neighbors resistant to them moving into the neighborhood, visitors, clients

GENRE – Buddy Movie with elements of Thriller, Magical Realism, Visionary, Christian

PROTAGONIST PROFILE

Role in the story: Feminist, healer, teacher

• Age range and Description: overweight deliberately so men aren’t attracted and the girth gives stability and authority

• Internal Journey: realizing that she can be fully a woman and fully a man and let all parts play while still doing her duty and following her vocation

• External Journey: protecting her tribe and neighborhood from crime

• Motivation: helping people makes me feel really good and being of service as a counselor

• Wound: was disappointed in love long ago

• Mission/Agenda: to see that our work is given credit and respect, even if we are mere women

• Secret: intensely sexual and have to restrain it much of the time, and do so by diving into beauty anywhere can find it

• What makes them special? She’s ahead of her time and will find this out as the show goes on. Also, she has Discernment of Spirits, so can really help people.

[Veleka Gray]

Veleka’s Character Profiles Part 1

I’m not able to paste into this field like I was yesterday for Day One. Don’t know what to do about that.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Veleka Gray. Reason: I cannot paste. I have to type, and I don't want to retype everything I already wrote, so I'll see if I can post it in yesterday

[Veleka Gray]

Veleka’s Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment is that by brainstorming about the story before class started, I had laid groundwork that bore fruit when it was time to do the homework.

Who is your Hero and what is their Character Arc that represents a transformation? Arminda Cupit will be a Lone Ranger to start, and over the course of Season One learn that she is loved as well as respected.

Internal Journey: Ashamed of being a poor, Irish immigrant

External Journey: Learns to join a community and not just lead it.

What are the Old Ways and New Ways?

Old: bossy, perfectionist, distant, isolated.

New: lets herself be rescued and ultimately saved by her team

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Veleka Gray. Reason: Forgot to put subject line

[Veleka Gray]

Jerry, did you send this message to Veleka?
“I bet you have your subject all lined up.“

[Veleka Gray]

Eclipse, tropical, Chinese, or Vedic astrology?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Veleka Gray.

[Veleka Gray]

Eclipse, I am thrilled you rescued an elephant. Namaste and hooray to you!!!!!

[Veleka Gray]

Eclipse, were you living in Rome at the time?