Wendell Yacur
Forum Replies Created
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By the way… if anyone attended the free call (precursor to this class) – do you remember Hal mentioning that we’d learn a new method he developed for creating titles? I emailed Cheryl about this but have not received a response.
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Renee – looks like you and I are the only ones ready to exchange, so would you like to partner up?
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Jay’s Lesson 10 and 11
Title: The Revelation
Genre: Sci-Fi
Logline: While working to establish
a colony on Mars, a faithless doctor attempts to keep her team alive as they
struggle against the events of the Apocalypse. <div><div>
Act 1:
EXT. MARS – NAUKLUFT PLATEAU – DAY (Opening Image)
The team is the first to begin the colonization of Mars. They have already lost two colonists.
During a typical Martian dust storm, the colonists bury another one of their own. The protagonist, Eliza (physician/biologist), helps dig the grave. While the antagonist, Mateo (psychologist/theologian/priest) leads the prayers, the protagonist does not pray.
One of the team, Joanna (Mechanical Engineer), falls ill.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – NIGHT
Joanna is going to be OK. Via a testing device, Eliza reveals to Joanna that she is ovulating. She and the commander, Victor (Mission Commander), are thinking about have a baby. It’s against protocol, and they do not know how the Martian environment will affect a fetus or a baby. They have a three-day window to conceive.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT – FLASHBACK
Young Joanna is with her dad at the hospital. Her mom, Lisa, has cancer. She’s been getting better, but suddenly suffers an aneurysm and dies.
INT. HOSPITAL CHAPEL – NIGHT – FLASHBACK
Young Joanna yells at God. Dad said you would save her. I hate you!
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MATEO’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Mateo counsels Sebastian (Computer Engineer). Sebastian hasn’t been able to connect with anyone. He’s better with computers than he is with people.
Afterwards, Mateo sends a video message to his brother. Reveals that he believes he’s a fraud. Can’t help anyone. He’s sad and lonely. Mars is getting to him.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT (Inciting Incident)
The room shakes violently. An atypical storm. A priority message from Earth is coming in. The communications array is hit by a meteor. The message cuts off. The array must be fixed in spite of the storm.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
The commander goes out to fix the array and is killed. The protagonist has to assume command.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – DAY (Turning Point)
As the meteorites are not letting up, Eliza and Joanna decide to go out and fix the array using a solar panel for protection.
Act 2:
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – DAY
Eliza and Joanna make it to the array and begin the repairs. The ground shakes. What’s going on?
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – – OPERATIONS DECK – DAY
Mateo and Sebastian indicate it’s a Mars quake. Something they have not experienced before. Mateo recalls lines from the Book of Revelation.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – DAY
The quake causes a giant crack in the ground. Victor’s body fall into the crack.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – CAVERN – DAY
At the bottom of the cavern all is eerily quiet. Then, a long, sticky ligament flies out of the darkness. It grabs Victor’s body and pulls him into the darkness.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
Eliza and Joanna work on the array. They hear a shriek of epic proportions.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
Sebastian indicates there is an unidentified blip on radar. Headed your way.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
Eliza and Joanna speed up the efforts. We learn the WSA does not provide the crew with weapons. All Eliza has is a machete.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
Sebastian indicates there is a second unidentified blip on radar. Also headed your way. Sebastian suits up to go out and help. Eliza orders him to stay inside. He doesn’t.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
Eliza and Joanna fix the array. As they do, they hear another shriek. They turn to see Alien #1.
INT./EXT MARS COLONY ALPHA – MAIN AIRLOCK – NIGHT
As Sebastian goes to exit the airlock door, he is struck by a meteorite and knocked out. He’s draped across the airlock door.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Mateo informs Eliza and Joanna of Sebastian’s predicament. Eliza orders him to get Sebastian back inside.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
Alien #1 shoots a volley of liquid at Eliza and Joanna. No luck hitting them. Alien #2 arrives. Looks the same as the other.
Throwing caution to the storm, Eliza and Joanna connect their tether units, throw the solar panel to the ground, activates their tether units (which are connected to the outside of the main airlock door), and they ride the panel like a snowboard back to the colony. The aliens pursue.
Back at the colony, the aliens stop short of moving into the exterior lights. Instead, they shoot sticky filaments out of their mouths, Joanna pushes Eliza out of the way, and the two tongues stick to Joanna’s suit.
Eliza clips her tether to Joanna. There is a tug of war. The aliens again shoot a volley of liquid. One burns through Joanna’s suit. She dies. Eliza uses the machete to cut Joanna’s body from the tether so Eliza can get back to the colony. As the aliens take in Joanna’s body, they shriek with delight and disappear into the darkness.
INT/EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MAIN AIRLOCK DOOR – NIGHT
Eliza and Mateo get Sebastian into the airlock. The message!
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT (Midpoint)
The three remaining colonists hear the rest of the message. A comet appeared out of nowhere and is headed directly for Earth. It is an extinction level event. Mateo again quotes lines from the Book of Revelation. They all start drinking.
Act 3:
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – DAY
The three remaining colonists are where they were the previous night. Eliza says she has a new plan to keep them alive – small footprint. They are going to turn off all unnecessary power and life support and huddle in the Mess Hall. She says that she would like each of them to secure a personal item from their quarters. First though, she walks Sebastian to the Med Bay to evaluate him.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – DAY
Eliza puts Sebastian in the Med Bed and evaluates him. He’s OK.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MATEO’S QUARTERS – DAY
Mateo speaks to the metal cross on his wall. Ask God for direction. God gives him a sign. He now knows what he must do. He takes the metal cross as his personal item.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – ELIZA’S QUARTERS – DAY
Eliza selects a picture of her, her mom, and her dad as her personal item.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – SEBASTIAN’S QUARTERS – DAY
Sebastian selects a picture of him and a woman as a personal item.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MESS HALL – DAY
Mateo has set out a feast to celebrate his retirement from the priesthood. A shocked Eliza and Sebastian leave to shut down the unnecessary areas.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – DAY
Mateo sneaks in to steal some amphetamines.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Eliza and Sebastian shut down all unnecessary areas, including power and life support. This also includes the exterior lights.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MESS HALL – NIGHT
They talk about their personal items. Sebastian’s pic. His ex-girlfriend. How she ended it. He won’t tell them why. Eliza’s pic. She was a kid. The last time she, her mom, and dad were together. How her mom had cancer. How she died of an aneurism. Then, Mateo’s cross. How they have a purpose – to ensure the propagation of the human race. A warning klaxon blares.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Sebastian checks the radar. Two unidentified objects moving near the colony. These two are larger than the last two. Eliza’s realizes the lights are off. They turn the exterior lights back on. One of the aliens scurries away. The other does not. It’s under the Ops Deck.
Its legs break through the floor. A warning klaxon indicates a breach.
It legs lash out – looking for something to stab. It stabs Sebastian’s leg. Eliza yells to Mateo to get the high-powered flashlight. Eliza slices off the alien leg that stabbed Sebastian. They shine the flashlight into the hole. The alien disappears.
Eliza directs Mateo to seal the breach. She takes Sebastian to the Med Bay.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – NIGHT
Eliza puts Sebastian in the Med Bed. Tends to him. Starts him on pain and antibiotic drips. Remove the alien leg. The discuss Mateo. Where he might be going with what he is saying. How important it might be to propagate the human race. How he is sterile!
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Mateo fixes the breach, but not fully. He calls for the commander. He needs help fixing the breach.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – NIGHT
Mateo enters the Med Bay under the guise of checking on Sebastian. He grabs Sebastian by the neck. Sebastian cannot speak. Mateo tells Sebastian that he is to be the one to propagate the human race. Mateo pushes buttons to OD Sebastian on pain killers.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Eliza doesn’t see Mateo. Ask the computer where he is. Computer says location unknow. He removed hi tracking chip. That can’t be good.
Mateo saunters in. He tries to be romantic with Eliza. Eliza rebuffs him. He turns on her. Tells her she is to be the mother of his child. They fight. He punches her and knocks the wind out of her.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MESS HALL – NIGHT (Turning Point)
Mateo drags her into the Mess Hall and puts her on the table. Says since she won’t accept her fate willfully, it is going to be on his terms. To demonstrate his ironclad will, Sebastian is dead and, reaching into Eliza’s pocket, pulls out her photo and rips it to shreds. Eliza body shudders and she dies!
Mateo cries out and stumbles out of the room.
Act 4:
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT – DREAM
Eliza sees her mother in a hospital bed. She sits up alive. Eliza’s eyes water.
EXT. MARS – OLYMPUS MONS VOLCANO – NIGHT – DREAM
From on high, her mom shows her a vision of the future. A thriving colony on Mars. Tells Eliza she needs to go back. But, what about Sebastian? Her mom says that God will provide. Also tells Eliza that her father is going to need her.
INT. HOSPITAL CHAPEL – NIGHT – DREAM
Lisa leads Eliza to the doors of a chapel. Says goodbye to her daughter. Eliza enters. Kneels and prays.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MESS HALL – NIGHT
Eliza’s eyes fly open. She’s alive. No sign of Mateo.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – NIGHT
Sebastian is still hanging on. She treats him. Groggy, he wakes up. He asks about Mateo. Eliza says she is going to talk and reason with him. Sebastian believes that spaceship has sailed.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Talking doesn’t work. All three fight. Mateo smashes Sebastian’s head with a vodka bottle. Sebastian goes down in a heap. Eliza stabs Mateo in his side with a machete. Mateo grabs Eliza. She shoves her fingers into his wound. Eliza stumbles to the Med Bay.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – NIGHT (Climax)
Eliza looks for more adrenalin. Mateo comes in. Pushes her to the floor. Mateo pulls off his boots and pants. Throws them on the floor. Mateo’s metal cross slides out of his pants. He pulls off Eliza’s boots and pants.
She tries to fight back. Suddenly, another Mars quake. A spay can of antiseptic falls to the floor. Eliza grabs it. Sprays Mateo in the eyes. She grabs some defibrillator paddles and shocks Mateo. He crashes to the floor.
Eliza sits on the floor with her head in her hands. She gets up. Searches the cabinets. Finds some pills. Goes to Mateo. Give them to him. She climbs on top of him. She tells him she is sacrificing herself for humanity. He says – finally – give it to me! She says – I’m not giving it to you. I’m taking it from you.
Mateo’s body tenses. Then goes limp. Eliza wails.
Behind Eliza, Mateo sits up. He grabs her hair and pulls her head backwards. Says no one takes anything from me. Eliza searches the floor for something, anything. Her hand is guided to Mateo’s cross. She slits his throat.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Eliza rushes to Sebastian. He’s alive.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – NIGHT
Eliza helps Sebastian into the Med Bed. She tells Sebastian she has failed. Failed to keep them all alive. He says it sounds like she did what she need to do and that now it’s time someone started taking care of her.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT (Resolution – 8 months later)
Eliza screams. Wails. A baby cries. Then another.
A klaxon blares an incoming priority message. A large number of humans has survived. They are on a ship headed to Mars. Eliza’s father is on the ship.
</div></div>
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Jay here – I’m not ready to exchange yet but will be by tomorrow morning.
Diana – would you be interested in being partners?
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All – Just an FYI. I posted a similar message to the Assignment 10 Forum as well. I am still working on my outline. Will have it posted by the morning of 3/9. Sorry for the delay.
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Just an FYI – I’m still working on my outline. Will post all to Lesson 11 Forum by the morning of 3/9.
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Jay’s Budget
What I learned from this assignment is there are a number of prime and secondary variables to consider pertaining to budget. This applies for either decreasing or increasing the budget.
1. Run through this list and tell us how many ways you might be able decrease the budget for your project by 25% if that was required.
MAIN VARIABLES
Number of Locations Could decrease number of colony
rooms/decks
Number of pages Could decrease from about 103 to
90 pagesSECONDARY VARIABLES
None
2. Then go through the list and tell us what you might add if your budget was quadrupled.
MAIN VARIABLES
Number of Locations Could add more locations
Number of characters Could add more characters
Special effects Could add more impressive
special effects
Number of pages Could expand from 103 to 120
pagesSECONDARY VARIABLES
Green screen work Could add this
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Jay Writes Great Hope/Fear
What I learned from this assignment is that it is a great exercise! I didn’t ID the specific fears but did list as many hopes and fears as I could. Some I left blank as I still need to work on them.
Using the list of Infinite Possibilities above, brainstorm 5 or more Hope/Fear moments that can occur in each Act. Sequence those Hope/Fear moments to fit the emotional journey you want your audience to have.
ACT 1
1. FEAR: Their ship is damaged. Can they not go home?
2. HOPE: Alpha 2 is on the way with supplies, more people, and a ship that could take them home.
3. FEAR: One of the team passes out. Is she going to be OK?
4. HOPE: Eliza’s (protag) mother is going to be OK.
5. FEAR: Her mother has a heart attack and dies.
6. HOPE: Eliza is ovulating.
7. FEAR: It’s against the rules. What would happen to a fetus or baby born on Mars?
8. HOPE:
9. FEAR: A storm comes in – atypical.
10. HOPE: A new message is coming in from Earth. Priority Message Klaxon.
11. FEAR: The storm knocks out the communications array; they only hear part of the message.
12. HOPE: We can fix it.
13. FEAR: We have to go out into the storm to do so.
14. HOPE: Commander gets to comm array and begins to fix it.
15. FEAR: Commander is killed.
16. HOPE: Eliza assumes command. Has a plan.
17. FEAR: A meteorite punctures the Rec Room hab. Waring Klaxon.
18. HOPE: Sebastian fixes leak.
19. FEAR: While attempting to fix array, there is a Mars quake, dead commander’s body falls into crack, and they hear a shriek coming from the crack.
ACT 2
1. FEAR: Four blips are showing on terrestrial radar.
2. HOPE: Sebastian goes out to assist.
3. FEAR: As he’s exiting the airlock door, a meteorite hits him, knocks him out, and drapes him across airlock door. Waring Klaxon.
4. HOPE: Mateo goes out to assist Sebastian.
5. HOPE: They fix the array. (When does the storm pass Mars?)
6. FEAR: Shrieks are getting closer.
7. HOPE: Elisa and Joanna make it back to airlock door.
8. FEAR: The alien monsters appear. Grab Joanna with a frog like tongue and pull her towards them.
9. HOPE: Eliza tries to save Joanna.
10. FEAR: The alien monsters kill Joanna; they return underground with their pray.
11. HOPE: The remaining three safely enter and shut the airlock door. Priority Waring – the Message!
12. FEAR: The message indicates a comet appeared out of nowhere. Headed for earth. Extinction level event.
ACT 3
1. HOPE: Eliza comes up with a plan. Shelter in the Mess Hall. Shut down all non-essential areas, power, and life support.
2. FEAR: Sebastian is hurt. Eliza takes him to Med Bay.
3. HOPE: Sebastian is going to be OK.
4. FEAR: Mateo believes this is the apocalypse. Goes to his room to retrieve a personal item. Doesn’t know what to do. Asks God for a sign. He is given one. He has new purpose. Takes a metal cross with him.
5. HOPE: In the Mess Hall, Mateo has prepared a celebratory feast.
6. FEAR: He’s getting drunk.
7. HOPE: Eliza and Sebastian shut down all non-essentials, including exterior lighting.
8. FEAR: Mateo sneaks to the Med Bay and steals drugs.
9. HOPE:
10. FEAR: Warning Klaxon – Perimeter Breach
11. HOPE: The floodlights! They turn them back on. One alien scurries away.
12. FEAR: Where’s the other? Under the colony. Smashes its legs into the operations deck.
13. HOPE: Get the high-power flashlights!
14. FEAR Another meteor pierces the hab. Warning Klaxon.
15. HOPE: Mateo goes to seal the breach.
16. FEAR: The alien stabs one of its legs into Sebastian’s leg.
17. HOPE: Eliza chops off the alien’s leg. It scurries back out, sees the exterior lights, and departs.
18. FEAR: Sebastian’s leg is skewered.
19. HOPE: Sebastian is going to be OK.
20. FEAR: With the alien handled, Mateo drugs himself (adrenalin). He calls for Eliza to assist him with a repair in the Ops Deck.
21. HOPE: Mateo visits Sebastian in Med Bay. Checks on him.
22. FEAR: Mateo gives Sebastian a drug overdose.
23. HOPE: Mateo joins Erika. He is being romantic.
24. FEAR: Mateo turns. Tells Eliza she is to be the mother of his child. Eliza fights him. He punches her and knocks the wind out of her. Drags her to the table in the Mess Hall. She dies.
25. HOPE: Eliza is with her mother. A flashback? A dream? Heaven? Her mother says she is forgiven for forsaking God. Tells her daughter she has much to do; that faith will lead her. Eliza’s eyes fly open. She’s alive.
ACT 4
1. HOPE: Eliza sneaks into the Med Bay. Checks on Sebastian. He is alive. She has a plan. They go to the Ops Deck to surprise Mateo.
2. FEAR: They all fight.
3. HOPE: Eliza subdues Mateo. She takes him on her terms.
4. FEAR: Mateo gets back up. Claims ownership of Eliza.
5. HOPE: She kills him. Rushes to Sebastian on the Ops Deck. Gets him to the Med Bay. He’s going to be OK.
6. FEAR: Eliza yells, screams out in pain.
7. HOPE: A baby cries.
8. FEAR: A Klaxon blares.
9. HOPE: A message come in – a large number of humans has survived.
10. FEAR: They are on a ship headed to Mars.
11. HOPE: Eliza’s father is on the ship.
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Jay’s 4 Act Structure
What I learned from this assignment is that structure is necessary for the base foundation of the story and for supporting all other story elements.
1. Tell us the following:
Concept: When a doomsday comet
appears, colonists on Mars fight to survive the apocalypse.
Main Conflict: While trying to
keep her team alive, the commander fights nature, monsters, and man, the
latter of which who believes he is the savior of the human race.2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.
Act 1:
Opening: During a typical Martian
dust storm, the colonists are burying one of their own. The protagonist helps
dig the grave. While the antagonist leads the prayers, the protagonist
does not participate.
Inciting Incident: An atypical
storm rolls in. As a priority message from Earth comes in, a meteorite smashes
the communications array. The crew must fix the array and retrieve the rest
of message. The commander goes out to fix the array and is killed. The
protagonist has to assume command.
Turning Point: As the meteorites are
not letting up, the protagonist and the team engineer go out to fix the
array. While outside, they experience a Mars quake, which produces a large
crack in the ground. The dead commander falls into the crack. From the
crack they hear a giant shriek.Act 2:
New plan: The commander and the
engineer must fight off the alien monsters while they fix the array.
Plan in action: The array gets
fixed, but the engineer is taken and killed by the alien monsters. The
commander makes it back to the ship. For some, reason the aliens do not
advance on the colony.
Midpoint Turning Point: The
commander, the antagonist, and the computer engineer finally hear the
message. A comet, appearing out of nowhere, is headed for Earth. It’s an
extinction level event.Act 3:
Final plan: Although it could mean
the end of the human race, the commander decides she is not going to give
herself to the antagonist.
Climax/Ultimate expression of the
conflict: The antagonist tries to take her by force. The hero’s mother
visits her; shows her past, present, and future. Tells her she must have
faith; that she will be shown the way. The commander succumbs to the antagonist.
Immediately after, the antagonist claims to own the commander. It is then
that she kills the antagonist.
Resolution: With the computer
engineer by her side, the protagonist gives birth. A priority message
comes in, not from Earth, but from an Earth ship bound for Mars. -
Jay’s Delivering Multiple Layers!
What I learned from this assignment is there are plot, character, and location layers and that there are different types of layers within the plot, character, and location layers.
Plot Layers
Surface Layer: A team of
astronauts is trying to establish a colony on Mars.
Beneath That: A dust storm, a more
violent one, is a harbinger for something much more catastrophic: a comet
heading towards each.
How Revealed: A radio message from
Earth.Character Layers
Surface Layer: Mateo is a
psychologist/theologian/priest who is there to counsel the team.
Beneath That: He has never believed
in himself as a psychologist and the desolation and loneliness of Mars is
getting to him. He’s starting to unravel.
How Revealed: An event occurs
where he starts drinking and believes God has tasked him with continuing the
propagation of the human race.Location Layers
Surface Layer: Mars
Beneath That: Alien monsters
living underground
How Revealed: After a Mars quake,
a dead astronaut falls into a crack in the ground. After his falling body
comes to a stop, it is grabbed and pulled out of the frame by a long, thin,
slimy ligament. -
Jay’s Character Journeys
What I learned doing this assignment is that a three-act structure for each character journey is paramount.
Eliza (Protag)
Beginning: As a biologist/physician, she is working as part of a team to establish a colony on Mars. She confesses to one of her female team members that she and her boyfriend might go against the rules and try to have a baby.
Turning Point: A storm beyond anything they’ve seen before rolls it. Not only does it cut communications with Earth, but it kills her boyfriend – the team commander. She is thrust into that role.
Midpoint: When they fix the equipment and hear the latest message from Earth, they find out a comet appeared out of nowhere. It’s headed to Earth and is to be an extinction level event.
Turning Point 2: She finds out that God has told Mateo he is to be the father of the new human race and that she is to be the mother.
Dilemma: Give herself to Mateo or not. If the latter, the human race ends with her.
3rd Act Climax: She fights with Mateo and staves him off. He “mother” convinces her to give in, but she ends up killing Mateo.
Ending: She gives birth to the first of the new humanity.
Mateo (Antag)
Beginning: He serves as the team’s theologian, priest, and psychologist. He does a poor job at the latter.
Turning Point: His best friend, the commander, is killed and Eliza is thrust into the commanding role.
Midpoint: He tells the remaining crew that the comet is Wormwood and that this is the apocalypse.
Turning Point 2: He tells the crew that God has selected him to be the father of the new human race. He kills the one remaining male team member.
3rd Act Climax/Ending: He tries to rape Eliza. She gives herself to him. She kills him.
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Jay’s Character Depth
What I learner doing this assignment is that there are specific ways/methods to help mine character depth.
Character: Eliza (Protag)
Secret: To find answers
in the cosmos – is there a God? <div>Wound: Her mother died
was she was young.Motivation: Want – establish
a colony on Mars; Need – find her way back to faith.<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Layers. She gave up on
God when her mother died. While this hurt her father, her has forgiven
her. She hasn’t forgiven herself.<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”><b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Conflict. She is a woman
of science.<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”><b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Dilemma: She can give herself
to Mateo to ensure the propagation of the human race or don’t do it and
have to live with the fact that the human race ended with her.Character: Mateo (Antag)
Secret: That he has
been selected by God to ensure the propagation of the human race.
Motivation: Want – establish
a colony on Mars; be the one all can confide in and heal their emotional
wounds; Need – to be successful at something. </div>Subtext. The desolation
and loneliness of Mars is getting to him; he is losing his mind.
Layers. He sends
messages to his brother. A brother who is dead. A brother he could not
help heal emotionally.Hidden Agenda: He has to get
rid of one remaining male crew member.Conflict. He is a man of faith.
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Jay’s Right Characters!
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is a great exercise to help focus your main characters on the concept, hook, setting, conflict, etc.
Compare your concept to your lead characters to find unique ways for them to fulfill the concept.
Think about your
Concept Hook and Contained Setting.HOOK: All sources of antagonism are fueled by events described in the Book of Revelation.
CONTAINED SETTING: Mars
With each of
your main characters, how can they uniquely fit with the Hook?PROTAG: When she was young, her mother passed away. When it happened, feeling forsaken, she gave up on God. She became a loner and a woman of science.
ANTAG: A true scholar, he has degrees in psychology and theology. He ended up becoming a priest – a true man of faith.
Thinking about
the conflict that hook creates, how does each main character enhance or
cause that conflict?ANTAG: Unbeknownst to the rest of the team, the desolation and loneliness of Mars is getting to him (and he’s the one who’s supposed to be counseling the others). As the events of the story unfold, he recognizes the events of the apocalypse, starts drinking, and quoting lines from the Book of Revelation. He feels that they are doomed.
PROTAG: She is thrown into the role of commander and needs to keep her team alive. As the events unfold, she wonders if it is truly the apocalypse. If it is, being faithless, where does she stand?
Tell us what
makes these characters the “right ones” for this story?At the midpoint, the specific conflict between the two of them ratches up. An event leads him to believe that God has selected him to ensure the propagation of our species. She is the only woman remaining. Should she accept faith? Should she become the mother of our future or fight off her aggressor? If the latter, it that the end for us?
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Jay’s Great Hook
How did this process work for you?
Coming into the class, I had already decided to work on an existing script. Even through this was the case, the process was interesting and helped to confirm a number of items.
What did you learn doing this assignment?
It was interesting to step through and complete the process, and I learned a lot. I believe it helped confirm my story is high concept and that it has a strong hook.
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Jay’s Project and Guidelines for Ocean’s 11
ASSIGNMENT PART 1: Select Your Project
1. Go through your five ideas and determine which of them can easily fit the Covid-19 guidelines. For the moment, don’t list the ideas. Just tell us your experience of evaluating them based upon the guidelines.
A. The idea I selected can be done as a contained story in one location – Mars. B. While establishing a colony on Mars, a faithless doctor struggles to survive against nature, monsters, and man. C. All sources of antagonism are fueled by events described in the Book of Revelation.
ASSIGNMENT PART 2: Adjust a Produced Movie to Covid Guidelines
2. Pick a movie that is outside the Covid Guidelines and give us your thoughts on how they could make it in the current production environment.
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are many ways to contain scripts.
TITLE: Ocean’s 11
AS THEY DID IT:
A1. People: The 11 good guys; the mark; his goons; the love interest
A2. Locations (added): Many
B. Stunts: Two major ones: 1) the use of the “pinch” to knock out electricity; 2) the heist itself
C. Extras: Actors learning/playing poker; circus patrons; betting track patrons; casino staff/guards; casino patrons; boxers; extra’s in flashbacks showing previously failed casino heists
D. Wardrobe: Nice clothes/suits; casino staff/guard uniforms
E. Hair and Make Up: Negligible
F. Kids and Animals: None
G. Quarantine: Many extras in casino scenes throughout
COVID GUIDELINE VERSION:
A1. People: Cut the good guy team in half
A2. Locations (added): Cut all locations except in and around Vegas
B. Stunts: Cut part about stealing and using the pinch; maybe just one quick scene somehow overloading the electrical grid
C. Extras: Cut all those outside Vegas; cut number of scenes in people heavy locations
D. Wardrobe: No changes
E. Hair and Make Up: No changes
F. Kids and Animals: N/A
G. Quarantine: Cutting number of good guys and extras limits the need for this. Removing all scenes outside Vegas scenes reduces the number of shooting locations.
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Wendell Jay Yacur
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Greetings and Salutations!
My full name is Wendell Jay Yacur. It’s a mouthful, so I go by Jay.
My day job is that of an IT Project Manager, but I caught the writing bug a while back. I graduated from the UCLA Screenwriting Certification Program about 10 years ago and have written eight features. Most of them are Science Fiction. My latest one, which is pretty much contained, made it to the second round of the 2021 Austin Film Festival.
Through this class, I hope to hone my craft with an eye on what’s happening in the industry. I want to improve my most recent script and sell it by the end of 2022 so I can depart the fascinating world of IT and become a full-time writer.
Something strange about me? There are so many things 🙂 While in high school, I took first place in the California State Talent Competition playing the accordion.
. Name?
2. How many scripts you’ve written?
3. What you hope to get out of the class?
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you?
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Awesome, thanks!