[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Marketing Campaign

What I learned doing this assignment is it’s really about taking one step at a time.

Marketing Campaign #7: Building Your Network

1. Continue to connect with other industry professionals on social media.

2. Finish at least three screenplays.

3. Start contacting connections.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Wendy Weising.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Query Letter Draft ONE

What I learned doing this assignment is if what you put in the letter is compelling, you may not need awards behind your name.

Would you rather be a cannibal or starve to death? One woman must choose.

On Earth, Jane takes the abuse of her violent husband to protect her kids. She dreams about commanding an army—which is true. Her memory was wiped, but she’s remembering her real life again. So the aliens on the planet Cerebros recall her—by running her down with her husband’s car.

She wakes up in restraints in a strange hospital where everyone tells her she’s crazy; she has no children.

She soon learns the truth about the hospital—the patients aren’t getting better; they’re being consumed as food by the aliens controlling the hospital. She does have children, but they’re miles away.

Can she escape and get to them before their served up on someone’s table? For that matter, can she defeat the aliens before humans cease to exist. If she fails, it will be the end of us all.

But in order to do that, she must defeat Dr. Jones, who is the dictator of the hospital. What she wants, she gets. She controls everyone with something. Ava is a fifteen-year-old whose mother was killed by Dr. Jones. Jones now pimps her out to her friends and then gives her drugs to feed her addiction. Her colleague, Dr. Zyn, loves Jane but must become Dr. Jones’s mate to protect Jane. She uses Polly as a slave, with the threat that she will be next on the menu. And Dr. Jones hates humans, even though she needs them to survive.

Then Jane discovers she is really an alien. Before her memory wipe, Jane was a mercenary who kidnapped potential food sources to protect her children from Dr. Jones. Jones forced her to kill Ava and Polly’s parents.

Jane escapes the hospital, but can she feed human flesh to herself and children to save them? Can she watch them slowly die?

Jane finds out Dr. Jones’s darkest secret: Aliens and humans started from the same race of people. What will she do now? Is there another answer besides being a cannibal?

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Wendy Weising

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Wendy Weising.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Wendy Weising.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Target Market

What I learned doing this assignment is I can gather a ton of names, but I’m not sure how I am going to contact these people.

Space Blind

An abused housewife becomes a ruthless warrior to save her children when she wakes up without them in a “hospital” where aliens are consuming humans to survive, finding out later that she too is an alien, she must also defeat the aliens’ Old Regime to save humans from extinction and free her people from oppression.

1 & 2. Make a list of five or more movies that are similar to yours and five actors that you might want to play your lead characters. Come up with producers.

Shows:

The Man in the High Castle

The Peripheral

The Expanse

Lost in Space

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds

Actors:

Molly Parker as Jane March

The Wicker Man

Wormwood

Confinement

The Road

Peter Pan and Wendy

Elizabeth Mitchell as Dr. Jones

The Purge: Election Year

Lost

Frequency

First Kill

James Bigwood…producer (8 episodes, 2022)

Wendy Coulas…consulting producer (8 episodes, 2022)

Felicia D. Henderson…executive producer (8 episodes, 2022)

Matthew Matruski…producer (8 episodes, 2022)

Miguel Nolla…co-producer (8 episodes, 2022)

Karah Preiss…executive producer (8 episodes, 2022)

Emma Roberts…executive producer (8 episodes, 2022)

V.E. Schwab…executive producer (8 episodes, 2022)

Jet Wilkinson…executive producer (2 episodes, 2022)

The Expanse

Burn Gorman as Dr. Zyn

Pacific Rim: Uprising

Halo

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

Undergods

Torchwood

Mallory James Mahoney as Ava

Hana Mae Lee as Polly

The Man in the High Castle

Director

Dirty War

The State Within

The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon

Lead Characters

Alexa Devalos

The Mist as Sally: Produced by

Raines as Sandy Boudreau

The Chronicles of Riddick as Kyra

Rufus Sewell

Continuum as Gabriel

Lee Kim…producer (produced by)

Old

Rise as Colonel Briggs

Arman Cole…co-producer

Vincent John Conti…associate producer (as Vincent Conti)

Trevor Engelson…producer

Steven Louis Goldenberg…line producer

Roy Lee…producer

Damien Mazza…associate producer

Michel Pensas…associate producer / executive producer

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter as Adam

Luke Kleintank

Person of Interest as Caleb Phipps

Dark House as Nick Di Santo

No Ordinary Family as Chris Minor

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Phone Pitch

What I learned from this lesson is that I have to rely on my title and concept because I don’t have connections.

Write out your phone pitch along with answers to the questions.

Hi, I’m Wendy Weising, and I have a female-driven sci-fi series called Space Blind.

1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:

Concept and title

2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.

Hi, I’m Wendy Weising, and I have a female-driven sci-fi series called Space Blind.

When a mother wakes up in a hospital manacled and the staff tells her she has no children, she escapes her room only to find that staff members are human-consuming aliens, patients are food, and her kids are in a facility fifty miles away. In trying to save her kids, she saves the human race.

3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:

What’s the budget range? Mid Budget: $15 million to $30 million

Who do you see in the main roles?

Meryl Streep as Dr. Jones

Molly Parker as Jane March

Younger new actors in other roles

How many pages is the script? The script is 60 pages.

Who else has seen this?

Why do you think this fits our company? I have not seen sci-fi series with and entire cast of female characters who are strong and willing to fight.

How does the movie end?

In the last episode, Jane commands a space ship that lands on a new planet where they believe they’ve found a cure. But when they disembark, they don’t see the last person to leave—Dr. Jones.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is that there are two hooks. One is for the season. The other is for the entire show.

1. Tell us your credibility.

I am an alumni of Screenwriting U.

2. Tell us your genre and title.

Sci-fi

Space Blind

3. What is your one or two sentence hook?

Jane wakes up in a dark world run by aliens eating human flesh to survive. She needs to find her children. But when she learns that she and her children are aliens too, she must decide whether to feed her children human flesh or die—or is there another solution?

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

What is the budget range?

$15 million to $30 million per series

What actors do you like for the
lead roles?

Dr. Jones: Meryl Streep

Jane March: Naomi Watts

Give me the acts of the first
season.

Teaser: Jane leads an army into war, only to wake up and find that she is an abused wife.

Act 1: Jane shields her kids from the abuse any way she can. She has a flashback of breaking into a home and kidnapping a family.

Act 2: Meanwhile on the planet Cerebros, an alien scientist hits Jane’s recall button when the abuse becomes too severe. A car hits Jane, and she wakes up in restraints, in a strange hospital where the alien, Dr. Jones, tells her she doesn’t have children.

Act 3: Jane meets Ava and Polly, who unlock Jane’s restraints against Jones’s orders. Jane can’t find a way out of the hospital.

Act 4: Polly who serves the all-powerful Dr. Jones as a slave, fifteen-year-old Ava who gets pimped out to her friends, and Dr. Zyn who becomes her mate, even though he loves Jane. Dr. Jones holds a partaking, where friends feast on gray matter.

Act 5: Jane discovers that she isn’t really in a hospital but in a facility where aliens are eating live humans’ brains to survive.

How does it end? (setup /
payoff).

Dr. Jones is able to control everyone because she knows their secrets and fears.

She doesn’t know that they have turned against her and plan to help Jane escape.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment is I don’t have anything to put on my bio, so I left it blank.

Would you rather be a cannibal or starve to death? One woman must choose.

On Earth, Jane takes the abuse of her violent husband to protect her kids. She dreams about commanding an army—which is true. Her memory was wiped, but she’s remembering her real life again. So the aliens on the planet Cerebros recall her—by running her down with her husband’s car.

She wakes up in restraints in a strange hospital where everyone tells her she’s crazy; she has no children.

She soon learns the truth about the hospital—the patients aren’t getting better; they’re being consumed as food by the aliens controlling the hospital. She does have children, but they’re miles away. Can she escape and get to them before their served up on someone’s table? For that matter, can she defeat the aliens before humans cease to exist. If she fails, it will be the end of us all.

But in order to do that, she must defeat Dr. Jones, who is the dictator of the hospital. What she wants, she gets. She controls everyone with something. Ava is a fifteen-year-old whose mother was killed by Dr. Jones. Jones now pimps her out to her friends and then gives her drugs to feed her addiction. Her colleague, Dr. Zyn, loves Jane but must become Dr. Jones’s mate to protect Jane. She uses Polly as a slave, with the threat that she will be next on the menu. And Dr. Jones hates humans, even though she needs them to survive.

Then Jane discovers she is really an alien. Before her memory wipe, Jane was a mercenary who kidnapped potential food sources to protect her children from Dr. Jones. Jones forced her to kill Ava and Polly’s parents.

Jane escapes the hospital, but can she feed human flesh to herself and children to save them? Can she watch them slowly die?

Jane finds out Dr. Jones’s darkest secret: Aliens and humans started from the same race of people. What will she do now? Is there another answer besides being a cannibal?

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Wendy Weising

4737 Hunters Crossing Drive

Old Hickory, TN 37138

(615) 788-9001

wendyweising@gmail.com

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned doing this assignment is that this process works well.

Select 6 – 10 hooks that could give an overview of your story.

1. Being hit by a car, waking up trapped in a hospital

2. Discovering that aliens are consuming human patients for a needed chemical, Jane must escape and defeat the Old Regime aliens, who control the planet and want everything to stay the same, before humans cease to exist. If she fails, it will be the end of us all.

3. Dr. Jones is the dictator of the hospital. What she wants, she gets. She controls everyone with something. And she hates humans, even though she needs them to survive. But she is hiding a secret that will change everything: aliens and humans started from the same race of people.

5. Jane must find her children before they become alien food.

6. Then when she finds out that she is an alien, she must force herself and her children to eat humans too, or else they will die.

7. Before her memory wipe, Jane was a mercenary who kidnapped potential food sources to protect her children from Dr. Jones.

8. Dr. Jones ordered Jane to kill Polly and Ava’s family members.

9. Dr. Jones pimps fifteen-year-old Ava out to her friends and then gives her drugs to feed her addiction.

10. Jane is no longer on Earth but Cerebros.

12. On Earth, Jane lives as an abused housewife when she is really an alien warrior living with an alien mercenary pretending to be her husband.

Organize those hooks into a sequence that makes sense for the story. Using those hooks as an outline, write a first draft of your synopsis.

On Earth, Jane takes the abuse of her violent husband to protect her kids but has a dream about being a commander of an army—which is true. Her memory was wiped. When she remembers too much, she is recalled to the planet Cerebros when a car hits her.

She wakes up in restraints in a strange hospital where everyone tells her she’s crazy; she has no children.

She soon learns the truth about the hospital—the patients aren’t getting better; they’re being consumed as food by the aliens controlling the hospital. She does have children, but they’re miles away. Can she escape and get to them before their served up on someone’s table? For that matter, can she defeat the aliens before humans cease to exist. If she fails, it will be the end of us all.

But in order to do that, she must defeat Dr. Jones, who is the dictator of the hospital. What she wants, she gets. She controls everyone with something. Ava is a fifteen-year-old whose mother was killed by Dr. Jones. Dr. Jones now pimps her out to her friends and then gives her drugs to feed her addiction. Her colleague, Dr. Zyn, loves Jane but must act as Dr. Jones’s mate to protect Jane. She uses Polly as a slave, with the threat that she will be next on the menu. And Dr. Jones hates humans, even though she needs them to survive.

Another secret is revealed: Jane is really an alien. Before her memory wipe, Jane was a mercenary who kidnapped potential food sources to protect her children from Dr. Jones. Jones forced her to kill Ava and Polly’s parents.

Jane escapes the hospital, but can she feed human flesh to herself and children to save them? Can she watch them slowly die?

Jane finds out Dr. Jones’s darkest secret: Aliens and humans started from the same race of people. What will she do now? Is there another answer besides being a cannibal?

[Wendy Weising]

ASSIGNMENT 5

“What I learned doing this assignment is that the nucleus of my story is different from what I thought it was.

Wendy Weising’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

1. HOOK:

How does a woman save her children from aliens?

2. The woman is trapped in a hospital.

You hate the aliens who must consume human brain tissue to survive and took you and your kids to their planet, until you discover you’re an alien too. Will you eat brain tissue, serve it to your kids, and live or refuse it and die?

3. I’m finishing up a story that answers the question if you discovered that you were an alien who needed human brain tissue to survive, would you eat the brain tissue, serve it to your kids, and live or refuse it and have everyone die?

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned doing this assignment is there are quite a few twists and turns in this screenplay.

1. Go through your project and see which of these specific hooks you have:

A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?

Villain (Dr. Jones): She’s an alien who hates humans but must consume them to survive. If she can’t get love or friendship, she’ll use her power to make people do what she wants. She keeps herself and her hospital white and clean while feasting on human brain tissue and pimping a fifteen-year-old patient out to her friends.

Hero (Jane March): An abused housewife who doesn’t know she is an alien warrior.

B. Major hook of your opening scene?

Starts with a bang: The weakest looking person leads an army of farmers against fully equipped and armored enemy soldiers.

Twist: She was dreaming. The real enemy is the man sharing her bed.

C. Any turning points?

Jane discovers she is not in a hospital but a facility where aliens are mining humans for brain tissue needed for their survival.

Jane is no longer on Earth but on Cerebros.

Jane was pregnant, but Dr. Jones takes her baby for experimentation.

Jane finds out that her kids are in another facility and in danger.

Jane learns that she is an alien.

Dr. Jones steals human children to use as her slaves. She’s pimping a fifteen year old out to her investors.

Janes husband on Earth is really an alien mercenary.

Dr. Zyn fell in love with his best friend’s wife (Jane).

Dr. Jones killed Polly’s parents and took her to Cerebros.

D. Emotional dilemma?

Should Dr. Zyn eat human brain tissue and live or remain true to his morals, abstain, and slowly die?

Once Jane finds out she and her kids are aliens, should she eat and give her kids human brain tissue to survive or die?

Dr. Zyn must either become Dr. Jones’s mate and save Jane’s life or confess his love to Jane and risk her being killed by Dr. Jones.

Polly must either be a slave, be fed, have a home or escape with her friends, be free, and in the unknown.

Ava must remain a slave and a prostitute with full access to the drug she’s addicted to or escape with her friends and no longer have the drug.

E. Major twists?

Setup: Jane’s having weird visions.

Twist: She’s remembering her life as an alien mercenary.

Setup: Aliens discussing dinner.

Twist: They are discussing the flavor of the next human sacrifice.

Setup: Jane sees doctors with a human skull open in surgery.

Twist: They’re not fixing the brain but extracting is for consumption.

F. Reversals?

Setup: Jane attacks a warrior.

Reversal: It’s the husband who abuses her.

Setup: Jane takes abuse from her husband to protect her sons.

Reversal: He’s not her husband but an alien.

Setup: Dr. Zyn says he loves Jane.

Reversal: He must become Dr. Jones’s mate to protect Jane.

Setup: Aliens eating in a pristine setting.

Reversal: They are eating human brain tissue.

G. Character betrayals?

Dr. Jones lies to Jane, telling her that she has no children.

Dr. Jones forces Dr. Zyn to become her mate even though she knows he loves Jane.

Polly spies on her friends for her slave master.

H. Or any big surprises?

Setup: Dr. Jones controls everyone.

Surprise: They all escape and leave her.

Setup: Jane hates aliens.

Surprise: She finds out she is an alien.

Setup: Dr. Jones does experimental surgery on Jane.

Surprise: It wasn’t an experiment. She removed Jane’s fetus and now holds it hostage.

2. Other interesting things.

The aliens and humans started from the same race of people.

The aliens are dying because they lack something in their atmosphere.

3. Organize both and select the 10 most interesting things.

1. Jane lives as an abused housewife when she is really an alien warrior living with an alien mercenary pretending to be her husband.

2. The aliens see themselves as being better, more sophisticated, and cleaner than humans, yet they must eat human brain tissue to survive.

3. Dr. Jones kidnapped Polly and Ava and now uses them as her slaves.

4. Dr. Zyn is in love with Jane but must mate with Dr. Jones to protect Jane from her wrath.

5. Dr. Jones pimps Ava out to her friends and gives her drugs to help her cope. Because Ava is addicted to the drug, she must continue to sleep with Dr. Jones’s friends if she wants access to the drug.

6. Dr. Jones controls everyone in the hospital, until they surprise her by escaping.

7. Jane discovers she is not in a hospital but a facility where aliens are mining humans for brain tissue needed for their survival.

8. Jane is no longer on Earth but on Cerebros.

9. Moral aliens must go against their morals and eat human brain tissue or keep their morals and die.

10. The aliens and humans started from the same race of people.

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment 3

Wendy Weising’s Producer/Manager

What I learned today is I love writing in all genres.

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

My script, pitch bible, and pitch are the best they can be and ready to read.

There is a strong market for leading female roles. I have several in my series as can be seen in the script of my pilot.

The first season mostly takes place in one location, thus cutting down on the cost of filming.

All ages love sci-fi. Teens and young adults eat them up. Older adults who have already watched fantastic sci-fi movies and series are always looking for more.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?

My script, pitch bible, and pitch are ready, but I am willing to make changes whenever they are needed. I have written several scripts in different genres, some are movie length, and some are a series. I’m versatile and love writing in all genres. I am teachable and willing to work and learn from you.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Marketable Components

What I learned doing this assignment is that my story is relevant for today’s post coronavirus society.

1. Logline

After being hit by a car, waking up in a hospital on the planet of Cerebros, and discovering that aliens are consuming the human patients for a needed chemical, a woman must escape and defeat the Old Regime aliens who control the planet before humans cease to exist.

2. Marketability

D. Timely/F. Ultimate.

Our planet has been through a major event involving many people being hospitalized and even dying. Many were powerless to make things better for themselves and their family members. We had no idea how many people would die or if we’d ever find a way to stop it. We did! Here is a story about a woman trapped in a hospital who breaks free, finds the courage to fight back, and wins, not only for herself but all of humankind. Because if she doesn’t, that’s the end of us all.

J. A great role for a bankable actor.

There are several strong women’s roles.

3. I combined two categories to make it stronger—Timely and ultimate.

Before the pandemic, we didn’t know that a virus would come and kills thousands and that we wouldn’t know how to stop it. We fought it hard and then found the answer. Jane faces another threat to humanity that is more vicious. It has arms and legs and looks just like us—aliens. They need a nutrient found in our brains for their survival. They want to live too. She is every mother who wants to protect her children. She is every being who wants to survive and is willing to fight for it.

Actors are looking for strong women’s roles that are intriguing and interesting. Four of these women dominate the screen in this film. Jane has to save her kids from death by alien consumption. Then finding out that she is an alien who must eat human brain tissue to survive, she must eat it and give it to her kids—she makes the hard decisions and fights with everything she’s got, just like mothers do. Polly is a super intelligent human who is also socially awkward. Even though she has a phobia of leaving the hospital and her hoarders’ paradise, she if forced to escape to save her brain and ultimately, her life. Ava it a human teenager in a dark world. She becomes addicted to drugs to escape the pain of prostitution. She must leave the only place that can support her drug habit. Then we have the super antagonist, Dr. Jones, an OCD dictator, who wants to be looked up to while committing heinous crimes. She uses threats and punishment to get other people to do what she wants.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Project and Market

What I learned today is my most attractive selling points.

1. Genre: Sci-fi thriller

Title: Space Blind

Concept: An abused housewife becomes a ruthless warrior to save her children when she wakes up without them in a “hospital” where aliens are consuming humans to survive, finding out later that she too is an alien, she must also defeat the aliens’ Old Regime to save humans from extinction and free her people from oppression.

2. Unique characters living in a strange new world.

3. Producers. They make the shows happen.

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment #15

Wendy Weising Finished Wordsmithing!

What I learned doing this assignment is that it takes a long time to unlearn correct grammar.

The hardest part of this entire process has been not using nouns in a sentence. I work as a book editor, and this goes against my nature. I had to work very hard at this.

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment 14

Wendy Weising Has Amazing Description!

What I learned doing this assignment is that my characters revealed even more.

1. ORIGINAL:

INT. CHURCH – DAY

JANE MARCH, wearing a tunic and men’s breeches, kneels and begins to pray. All is quiet.

Crash! JOHN PARKER, her second-in-command, drops a load of ancient armor next to her.

Jane opens one eye but doesn’t move.

JANE

It can’t be time yet.

PARKER

The enemy is gathering.

He motions for her to get up. She slowly stands. He roughly straps different pieces of armor onto her.

JANE

But we’re not ready.

PARKER

We’re ready.

JANE

We’re not strong enough.

PARKER

The enemy has better weapons, but we’ll fight with everything we’ve got.

JANE

I’m afraid.

He shoves the helmet on her head.

PARKER

We don’t have time. Let’s go.

CHANGED:

TEASER

INT. CHURCH – DAY

JANE MARCH, a pale, thin woman wearing a tunic and men’s breeches, kneels and begins to pray. A cross stands before her. All is quiet. The church is empty.

Boom! JOHN PARKER, her second-in-command, slams through the doors and storms down the aisle.

Jane opens one eye but doesn’t move.

Crash! He drops a load of ancient armor next to her.

Both eyes are open now.

JANE

It can’t be time yet.

PARKER

The enemy is coming.

He motions for her to get up. She slowly stands. He roughly straps different pieces of armor onto her.

JANE

But we’re not ready.

PARKER

We’re ready.

JANE

We’re not strong enough.

PARKER

The enemy has better weapons, but we’ll fight with everything we’ve got.

JANE

I’m afraid.

He shoves the helmet on her head.

PARKER

We don’t have time. Let’s go.

2. ORIGINAL

DR. ZYN

Jane, it’s going to be OK. I’m here to help you.

JANE

Don’t touch me. The only way you can help me is giving me my boys!

DR. ZYN

The most important thing is that you get better. Then we can find your boys.

Dr. Jones glares at him, picks up a syringe, and leans over Jane.

CHANGED

DR. ZYN

Jane, it’s going to be OK. I’m here to help you.

JANE

Don’t touch me. The only way you can help me is giving me my boys!

DR. ZYN

The most important thing is that you get better. Then we can find your boys.

Dr. Jones glares at him to knock it off, picks up a syringe, and leans over Jane.

3. ORIGINAL

JANE

Please just give me my kids. They are my whole world.

DR. JONES

And what a sad little world you live in. I have things to do.

She stabs the tranquilizer into Jane’s neck and leans in again.

DR. JONES (CONT’D)

(Whispering)

I have all the power; you have none. Remember that.

Jane immediately stops moving.

JANE

But I can outlast anyone.

CHANGED

JANE

Please just give me my kids. They are my whole world.

DR. JONES

And what a sad little world you live in. I have things to do.

She stabs the tranquilizer into Jane’s neck and leans in again.

DR. JONES (CONT’D)

(Whispering)

I have all the power; you have none. Remember that.

Jane immediately stops moving.

JANE

But I can outlast anyone.

One last jab before she falls asleep.

ORIGINAL

INT. HALLWAY-DAY

Dr. Zyn sits in a chair with his head in his hands. Dr. Jones shoots out of Jane’s room and up to Dr. Zyn.

DR. JONES

What was that?

DR. ZYN

What?

DR. JONES

(mimicking his voice)

“You just get better, Jane, and we’ll find your kids.” Why did you tell her that?

DR. ZYN

I thought it would help her, ease her mind.

DR. JONES

Are you insane? You can’t tell her things like that. I thought we agreed.

DR. ZYN

I want to help her.

DR. JONES

That wasn’t helping her. That was helping yourself. No more, understand? Or you’re out of here.

DR. ZYN

OK.

INT. HALLWAY-DAY

Dr. Zyn sits, staring down at a medallion. He rubs it gently.

Dr. Jones shoots out of Jane’s room and up to Dr. Zyn.

DR. JONES

What was that?

DR. ZYN

What?

DR. JONES

(mimicking his voice)

“You just get better, Jane, and we’ll find your kids.” Why did you tell her that?

DR. ZYN

I made a mistake. I was trying to comfort her.

DR. JONES

Are you insane? You can’t tell her things like that. I thought we agreed.

DR. ZYN

I want to help her.

DR. JONES

That wasn’t helping her. That was helping yourself.

The medallion slips out of Dr. Zyn’s hands and hits the floor with a ting! Dr. Jones grabs it up.

DR. JONES (CONT’D)

No! You can’t have this.

DR. ZYN

It’s mine.

DR. JONES

But it’s from her.

DR. ZYN

Jealousy doesn’t look good on you.

DR. JONES

Are you that stupid? She can’t see this because then she’ll remember.

DR. ZYN

Maybe that’s a good thing.

DR. JONES

That’s never a good thing. You don’t know what she’s capable of.

DR. ZYN

But I know her.

When Dr. Jones shoves the medallion in a pocket, Dr. Zyn jumps up, just holding back his rage.

DR. JONES

It no longer exists. End of discussion. You play by my rules or you won’t be here to protect her.

Dr. Zyn stares hatred at her. Then he storms down the hall.

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment 13

Wendy Weising Has Great Introductions!

What I learned doing this assignment was that I am fine tuning everything.

World Intros

I changed the teaser’s opening to describe more of tranquil setting near a pool in a forest—a place that Jane would like to be but instead, she has to strap on armor and fight a war. (Irony)

Later, I introduced a new group of creepy characters that roam the halls to help with the mood and give the audience another clue (tone).

Character Intros

I gave some direct description because it has to do with the story. I was also able to use pieces of clothing like a high-heeled white shoe stepping over a body to show how cold and calculating one character is. Most of my characters are different and a bit odd already.

I have a lot of irony. I was able to put a little bit more in with the new characters and opening.

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment #12

What I learned is that I had no expanded description, so everything was better. I was worried about my page count, but by the time I went through this assignment and #11, I was up to 53 pages.

Example 1

Original:

TEASER

INT. TENT-DAY

Under a richly adorned tent, JANE MARCH and her SECOND IN COMMAND, who are in full ancient battle gear, pore over a map. An archer comes in.

ARCHER

Lady March, it’s time.

JANE

Thank you.

Her second in command puts out his hand to Jane.

SECOND IN COMMAND

Are you ready?

JANE

No. But let’s go.

She takes his hand.

EXT. BATTLEFIELD-DAY

Jane’s army is on top of a hill. Her soldiers look at her for a sign to charge forward.

SECOND IN COMMAND

We’re with you.

Jane nods, hoists her shield, and lifts her sword.

JANE

Let’s kill the bastards!

Changed:

EXT. BEHIND BATTLEFIELD LINES-DAY

JANE MARCH, a woman dressed in ancient armor, pores over an old map. Her second-in-command, JOHN PARKER, startles her out of her intense concentration.

PARKER

Why are you studying maps? Those won’t help you.

JANE

Something to do.

PARKER

Well, it’s time.

JANE

But we’re not ready.

PARKER

We’re ready.

JANE

We’re not strong enough.

PARKER

The enemy has better weapons, but we fight with everything we’ve got.

JANE

I’m afraid.

PARKER

We don’t have time. The enemy is coming.

EXT. BATTLEFIELD-DAY

Jane’s army is on top of a hill, looking down at numberless enemy. Her SOLDIERS carry sharpened farming tools. Only a few have swords.

Now they are all looking at Jane, their leader, for a signal to charge down the hill.

Jane hesitates.

PARKER

We’re with you.

Jane nods, hoists her shield, and lifts her sword.

JANE

For our children!

ARMY

For our children!

Jane and her army charge down the hillside toward the oncoming enemy.

When the two sides collide, soldiers hack, slash, and stab one another. Blood sprays as chests are punctured. The ones with farming tools fight with passion. They are all in.

A SOLDIER cuts a FARMER’S arm off. The farmer drops down, picks up the scythe with his other hand, and slices through the soldiers legs. The soldier’s down.

A WOMAN with a pitchfork shields herself from the blows of a SOLDIER. When he breaks the pitchfork’s handle, she runs at him, pitchfork in front of her. The soldier chops her head off before she reaches him.

In the sea of fighters, Parker blocks a sword’s blow coming at Jane. He thrusts his sword through another SOLDIER who is about to decapitate her.

As Jane fights, she is looking for someone. She stops searching and begins to move toward a WOMAN IN ARMOR AND A FACE-COVERING HELMET, standing in a golden chariot.

Parker is busy fighting an AXE-WIELDING WARRIOR when he notices that Jane is gone. He splits open the warrior’s head. Then he yells for Jane.

Jane fights more fiercely, hacking her way to the chariot.

Example 2

Original:

INT. BEDROOM-NIGHT

Jane, now in tactical gear, slides into a child’s room through the window. She quickly tapes one of the kid’s mouths, flips the child over, and zip-ties her hands. She hands the child out the window.

She leaves the room and returns with a packaged boy and hands him out the window.

The baby wakes up and begins to cry.

BABY

Maaaamaaaa!

Jane scoops up the child and tries to comfort her. The baby holds her arms out to the crib. Jane picks up a lamby–no, not the one. A doll? Nope. Finally, she gives her a neon pink bear, and the baby stops crying and snuggles with it. Jane hands the baby out the window.

Too late! The parents are now awake. Before they can say a word, Jane immobilizes them with a phaser. She checks their vitals. She pulls out her comm device.

JANE

This is JM62. I have two live adults ready for transport.

SOLDIER

(OS)

JM62, we will have transport to your location right away.

JANE

Thanks.

When she turns around, the parents have disappeared.

Changed:

INT. BEDROOM-NIGHT

Jane, now in tactical gear, slides into a child’s room through the window. It’s pretty, pink, and fluffy–a girl’s room.

She quickly duct tapes the LITTLE GIRL’s mouth, flips the child over, and zip-ties her hands and feet. The child squirms as Jane hoists her up and over her shoulder, going to the window. She hands the child out the window to a LON, a man dressed like her.

She leaves the room, returns with a packaged boy, and hands him out the window. As she does, he knocks over a glass ornament that shatters.

That’s when Jane notices the crib in the room.

BABY

Maaaamaaaa!

Jane scoops up the child and tries to comfort her.

Lon’s head pops up at the window.

LON

Tape her mouth for Pete’s sake.

JANE

I can’t tape her mouth; she’s a baby.

LON

Then shut her up another way.

The baby holds her arms out to the crib. Jane moves to the crib and sees what looks like a million stuffed animals.

Jane picks up Lamby. The baby shakes her head. She holds up a doll. The head shake is more vehement this time. She dances a a neon pink bear in front of the baby, and the baby stops crying and snuggles with it. Jane hands the quiet baby out the window.

But it’s too late! The parents are awake and in the room.

Before they can say a word, Jane immobilizes them with a phaser. She checks their vitals. She pulls out her comm device.

JANE

This is JM62. I have two live adults ready for transport.

SOLDIER

(OS)

JM62, it will be a few minutes before we can get a transport to you.

JANE

Then they’ll be dead.

SOLDIER

We can’t have that. Boss needs em alive. I’m redirecting transport 8 to you now.

JANE

Thanks.

When she turns around, the parents have disappeared.

Example 3

Original:

INT. DR. JONES’S DINING ROOM-EVENING

Ava arrives dressed in a gorgeous low-cut gown. Dr. Jones, who sits at the head of the table, signals for Ava to sit next to DOR LANZEE.

DR. JONES

Dor, this is someone whom I think you will enjoy getting to know.

DOR LANZEE

Dr. Jones has told be so much about you. You probably want to know about me. I own several mining operations, but I haven’t found the right mate yet.

Ava smiles and nods graciously. Dor put his hand on her leg, which causes her to flinch.

DOR LANZEE (CONT’D)

I really want to get to know you.

He continues to move his hand up her thigh, but she grabs his hand.

AVA

What a lovely ring? How did you obtain such a beautiful stone?

DOR LANZEE

I have several associates who are always in search of beautiful things. It was found at an ancient dig.

DR. JONES

I’d like to interrupt you for a moment, if I may.

DOR LANZEE

Yes, please.

DR. JONES

I have a rare collection of gemstones in my bedroom. Ava, why don’t you take Mr. Lanzee to see them.

AVA

Uh, I don’t know–

DR. JONES

Yes, I think you should do that now.

Changed to:

INT. DR. JONES’S DINING ROOM-EVENING

Dr. Jones sits at the head of a very long dining table.

A delicate linen tablecloth and vases of flowers sit on the table. There are no place settings, goblets, or plates of food.

Dr. Jones’s guests sit around the table, talking loudly and laughing even louder. The guests are a weird assortment of richly dressed people.

Dr. Jones rings a golden bell.

Her nurses appear in maids’ uniforms, pushing carts with many dishes with golden covers. They set one dish in front of each person. No one removes the cover but awaits, all eyes on Dr. Jones.

DR. JONES

Let us say thanks.

Each person lift their dish up.

DR. JONES (CONT’D)

Thank you, those in Ward 5, for your sacrifice.

EVERYONE

Thank you, those in Ward 5, for your sacrifice.

Dr. Jones sits down, and they all sit down.

DR. JONES

Let’s partake!

Dr. Jones removes the golden cover and breathes in the scent of what looks like gray gelatinous lumps with a golden pronged tong sticking out of it.

Everyone else copies her.

KAI BENNA

You have outdone yourself this time. The smell is sweet yet savory.

They all dig in, using their tongs to stab and pull chunks of the meat out. They moan as they chew.

SU KRAKE

Mmmmm, so tender. If I’m not mistaken, you keep the young ones in Ward 5.

DR. JONES

Very good observation, my friend.

In only a few minutes, they have eaten every globule.

Dr. Jones rings her little bell again.

Her maids clear the table.

Example 4

Original:

Dr. Jones goes back to the chart. Her gaze focuses in on something of interest. She opens her door and yells for Nurse Akal. The nurse comes in. Dr. Jones hands her the paperwork.

DR. JONES (CONT’D)

Did you run these blood tests on Jane?

NURSE AKAL

Yes, ma’am.

DR. JONES

Is test 5 showing what I think it is?

NURSE AKAL

Definitely.

DR. JONES

Come with me, please.

They leave together. Polly sneaks in and looks at the report but can’t figure out what it says. She rips off the page and stuffs it in her pocket.

Changed:

INT. DR JONES’S OFFICE-EVENING

Dr. Jones goes back to the chart. She taps a place on the page. Then she opens her door and yells for Nurse Akal. The nurse comes in. Dr. Jones hands her the chart and taps on the same place again.

DR. JONES

Did you run these blood tests on Jane?

NURSE AKAL

Yes, ma’am.

DR. JONES

Is test 5 showing what I think it is?

NURSE AKAL

Definitely.

DR. JONES

Come with me, please.

Dr. Jones puts the chart in her desk drawer and locks it. She and the nurse leave together.

Polly sneaks into the room. She tries the drawer–locked. She pulls out a ring of keys. After the third key, it opens. She looks at the report but can’t figure out what it told Dr. Jones. She opens an old vest she has on and unzips a large inner pocket. She slides the chart in.

Example 5

Original

INT. DR JONES’S BEDROOM-EVENING

Ava holds up different pairs of earrings, which Dr. Jones rejects. Nothing is right.

When her comm buzzes, she shoos Ava from the room and answers it. The four royal matriarchs of the Old Regime, her bosses, appear on screen. They greet one another.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

Dr. Jones, we asked you to join us today for two reasons. First, a disturbing rumor has reached us of staff leaving the hospital and production being down. Would you like to comment on this?

DR. JONES

President Lan, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, production has increased, and our workers are very contented.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

That is good news. I knew that we could count on you. We will expect a full written report from you by next week. Now we come to the second reason. It has been brought to my attention that you will soon be past you mating years. We, the Old Regime and I, have decided that you must mate by the next lunar revolution or loose your position in the regime. Is this understood?

DR. JONES

Yes, president.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

Very good. That is all.

They are gone just like that.

Dr. Jones goes into a rage. She picks up whatever she can get her hands on and throws it as she screams.

She finally calms down and adjusts her clothes. She pushes buttons on her comm, and her friends show up on screen.

DR. JONES

Hello, darlings. Are you up for one of my parties?

KAI BENNA

Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss any party that you throw.

SU KRAKE

There. I’m in.

DOR LANZEE

Will Ava be there to entertain us?

Everyone laughs.

DR. JONES

Of, course, you dirty old man. You’re first on her dance card.

DOR LANZEE

I’ll be there to hear her sing.

DR. JONES

Right. I don’t care why you’re coming, as long as you’re coming.

Changed to:

INT. DR JONES’S BEDROOM-EVENING

Dresses are strewn across a bed. Dr. Jones is wearing an expensive-looking pants suit. She is sitting in front of a mirror and applying makeup as Ava holds up different pairs of earrings, which Dr. Jones rejects.

When her comm buzzes, she grabs the earrings that Ava currently has in her hand, shoves them through her ears, shoos Ava from the room, and answers it.

The four royal matriarchs of the Old Regime, her bosses, appear on screen. They greet one another.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

Dr. Jones, we asked you to join us today for two reasons. First, a disturbing rumor has reached us of staff leaving the hospital and production being down. Since you’re in charge of Facility 1, any loss is on your head. If you can’t manage, tell us now, and we’ll replace you.

DR. JONES

President Lan, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, production has increased, and our workers are very content.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

That is good news. I knew that we could count on you. We will expect a full written report from you by next week. Now we come to the second reason. It has been brought to my attention that you will soon be past your mating years. We, the Old Regime and I, have decided that you must mate by the next lunar revolution or lose your position in the regime. Is this understood?

DR. JONES

Yes, president.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

Very good. If we don’t see a mating contract from you soon, we will proceed with your removal.

DR. JONES

As a matter of fact, I have a contract underway.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

Really? With whom?

DR. JONES

Nol Zyn.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

Perfect. Send the contract over.

DR. JONES

I will, president.

They are gone just like that.

Dr. Jones goes into a rage. She picks up whatever she can get her hands on and throws it as she screams.

She finally calms down and adjusts her clothes.

She pushes buttons on her comm, and her friends show up on screen.

DR. JONES (CONT’D)

Hello, darlings. Are you up for one of my parties? There’ll be entertainment and exotic food.

KAI BENNA

Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss any party that you throw.

SU KRAKE

Who is the exotic food this week?

DR. JONES

That’s a surprise.

DOR LANZEE

Will the Ava I’ve heard so much about be there to entertain us?

DR. JONES

Of, course. And you’re first on her dance card. I’ll see you tonight.

[Wendy Weising]

1. Wendy Weising

2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Dialogue 7 – 8

What I learned doing this assignment is that I needed to add more subtext pointers.

Dialogue Skill 7. Dialogue As Action

1. Original:

INT. TENT-DAY

Under a richly adorned tent, JANE MARCH, who is dressed in ancient armor, pores over a map. Her SECOND-IN-COMMAND startles her out of her intense concentration.

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

It’s time.

JANE

But we’re not ready.

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

Our people have been ready for years. They want this fight.

JANE

We’re not strong enough.

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

They may have better weapons, but our people will fight with everything they’ve got.

JANE

I don’t know how to lead.

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

You’re doing it already. Besides, you aren’t alone. If we wait any longer, the enemy will be attacking us, and we will lose all that we’ve gained.

JANE

What if–

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

No more excuses. We have to go.

Changed to:

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

It’s time.

JANE

But we’re not ready.

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

Our people want this fight.

JANE

We’re not strong enough.

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

They may have better weapons, but our people will fight with everything they’ve got.

JANE

What if–

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

Time for action. The enemy is here.

2. Original

INT. DR JONES’S BEDROOM-EVENING

Ava holds up different pairs of earrings, which Dr. Jones rejects. Nothing is right.

When her comm buzzes, she shoos Ava from the room and answers it. The four royal matriarchs of the Old Regime, her bosses, appear on screen. They greet one another.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

Dr. Jones, we asked you to join us today for two reasons. First, a disturbing rumor has reached us of staff leaving the hospital and production being down. Would you like to comment on this?

DR. JONES

President Lan, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, production has increased, and our workers are very content.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

That is good news. I knew that we could count on you. We will expect a full written report from you by next week. Now we come to the second reason. It has been brought to my attention that you will soon be past you mating years. We, the Old Regime and I, have decided that you must mate by the next lunar revolution or lose your position in the regime. Is this understood?

DR. JONES

Yes, president.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

Very good. That is all.

Changed to:

INT. DR JONES’S BEDROOM-EVENING

Ava holds up different pairs of earrings, which Dr. Jones rejects. Nothing is right.

When her comm buzzes, she shoos Ava from the room and answers it. The four royal matriarchs of the Old Regime, her bosses, appear on screen. They greet one another.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

Dr. Jones, we asked you to join us today for two reasons. First, a disturbing rumor has reached us of staff leaving the hospital and production being down. Since you’re in charge of Facility 1, any loss is on your head. If you can’t manage, tell us now, and we’ll replace you.

DR. JONES

President Lan, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, production has increased, and our workers are very content.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

That is good news. I knew that we could count on you. We will expect a full written report from you by next week. Now we come to the second reason. It has been brought to my attention that you will soon be past your mating years. We, the Old Regime and I, have decided that you must mate by the next lunar revolution or lose your position in the regime. Is this understood?

DR. JONES

Yes, president.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

Very good. If we don’t see a mating contract from you soon, we will proceed with your removal.

DR. JONES

As a matter of fact, I have a contract underway.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

Really? With whom?

DR. JONES

Nol Zyn.

PRESIDENT GEM LAN

Perfect. Send the contract over.

DR. JONES

I will, president.

They are gone just like that.

3. Original:

Jane scoops up the child and tries to comfort her. The baby holds her arms out to the crib. Jane picks up a lamby–no, not the one. A doll? Nope. Finally, she gives her a neon pink bear, and the baby stops crying and snuggles with it. Jane hands the baby out the window.

Too late! The parents are now awake. Before they can say a word, Jane immobilizes them with a phaser. She checks their vitals. She pulls out her comm device.

JANE

This is JM62. I have two live adults ready for transport.

SOLDIER

(OS)

JM62, we will have transport to your location right away.

JANE

Thanks.

When she turns around, the parents have disappeared.

Changed to:

Jane scoops up the child and tries to comfort her. The baby holds her arms out to the crib. Jane picks up a lamby–no, not the one. A doll? Nope. Finally, she gives her a neon pink bear, and the baby stops crying and snuggles with it. Jane hands the baby out the window.

Too late! The parents are now awake. Before they can say a word, Jane immobilizes them with a phaser. She checks their vitals. She pulls out her comm device.

JANE

This is JM62. I have two live adults ready for transport.

SOLDIER

(OS)

JM62, it will be a few minutes before we can get a transport to you.

JANE

Then they’ll be dead.

SOLDIER

We can’t have that. Boss needs em alive. I’m redirecting transport 8 to you now.

JANE

Thanks.

Dialogue Skill 8. Subtext

1. Original

Dr. Jones rolls out a machine and begins to ultrasound Jane but stops when Dr. Zyn arrives with some flowers and a smile.

DR. JONES

What do you think you’re doing?

DR. ZYN

Just bringing flowers to the patients. It…it helps them.

DR. JONES

I haven’t seen these flowers in any of the other rooms.

DR. ZYN

There aren’t very many available, and I’m worried about her.

DR. JONES

I think we both know that it’s more than that. I’m going to nip this in the bud now. Nol Zyn, as the matriarch of this facility, I choose you as my rightful mate. We will mate tonight. Go and prepare my bedroom. You’ll need the flowers.

DR. ZYN

Wait. We didn’t even discuss this. I don’t want to be with you. I don’t love you. I will always love Jane. Someday, she’ll remember me.

DR. JONES

You don’t have to love me. I don’t need to discuss it with you. It’s my right. You may leave now.

Dr. Zyn shakes his head as he leaves.

Changed to:

Dr. Jones rolls out a machine and begins to ultrasound Jane but stops when Dr. Zyn arrives with some flowers and a smile.

DR. JONES

What do you think you’re doing?

DR. ZYN

Just bringing flowers to the patients. It…it helps them.

DR. JONES

I haven’t seen these flowers in any of the other rooms.

DR. ZYN

There aren’t very many available, and I’m worried about her.

DR. JONES

I think we both know that it’s more than that. I’m going to nip this in the bud now. Nol Zyn, as the matriarch of this facility, I choose you as my rightful mate. We will mate tonight. Go and prepare my bedroom. You’ll need the flowers.

DR. ZYN

Wait. We didn’t even discuss this. I don’t want to be with you. I don’t love you. I will always love Jane. Someday, she’ll remember me.

DR. JONES

You don’t have to love me. I don’t need to discuss it with you. It’s my right. You need to stop at surgery and get a treatment. You look peaky.

DR. ZYN

I’m fine.

DR. JONES

I know you hate even the thought of it, but you won’t survive if you don’t go.

DR. ZYN

Let me do it my way.

DR. JONES

No! Your way doesn’t work. I can’t have my future mate looking ill and dying. It’s bad for business.

DR. ZYN

That’s touching.

DR. JONES

Let me say it this way. You are the only one protecting Jane from me. If you die, she dies. Now go!

DR. ZYN

Fine. I’ll go.

Dr. Zyn shakes his head as he leaves.

2. Original

He comes back in. She gives him the coffee, but he sets it down and shoves her against the wall. He begins kissing her neck. She grimaces.

DAN (CONT’D)

We need to make up for the night we missed. I’ll be home early. Be ready.

JANE

I’m doing cartwheels.

DAN

What?

JANE

Just excited.

DAN

That’s my girl!

Changed to:

He comes back in. She gives him the coffee, but he sets it down and shoves her against the wall. He begins kissing her neck. She grimaces.

DAN (CONT’D)

We need to make up for the night we missed. I’ll be home early. Be ready.

JANE

I’m doing cartwheels.

DAN

What?

JANE

Just excited.

DAN

That’s my girl! I’ll miss you.

JANE

It’s only a few hours.

DAN

Right.

3. Original:

She finally calms down and adjusts her clothes. She pushes buttons on her comm, and her friends show up on screen.

DR. JONES (CONT’D)

Hello, darlings. Are you up for one of my parties?

KAI BENNA

Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss any party that you throw.

SU KRAKE

I’m in.

DOR LANZEE

Will Ava be there to entertain us?

Everyone laughs.

Changed to:

She finally calms down and adjusts her clothes. She pushes buttons on her comm, and her friends show up on screen.

DR. JONES (CONT’D)

Hello, darlings. Are you up for one of my parties? There’ll be entertainment and exotic food.

SU KRAKE

Who is the exotic food this week?

DR. JONES

That’s a surprise.

KAI BENNA

Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss any party that you throw.

DOR LANZEE

Will Ava be there to entertain us?

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment #9

Wendy Weising Dialogue 3–5

What I learned doing this assignment is that my dialogue is getting so much stronger and more meaningful.

3. Setup/Payoff

Original:

DAN

OK. Now it’s your turn.

JANE

Not tonight–please?

DAN

You’re starting to hurt my feelings.

Changed to:

DAN

OK. Now it’s your turn.

JANE

Not tonight–please?

DAN

You’re starting to hurt my feelings.

JANE

I think I’m coming down with that stomach virus that’s been going around. Wouldn’t want to give it to you. It’s pretty nasty. (setup)

DAN

I think you’re lying. Stop stalling.

He stands up and unzips his pants. He grabs her head and forces it toward his pants.

DAN (CONT’D)

You know how I like it.

Suddenly, his intestines make a disturbing noise, and he stops. He goes back to what he was doing. Another disturbing noise expresses itself, and he grabs his stomach. He duck-waddles to the bathroom with his pants around his ankles.

JANE

Yup. Definitely a nasty virus. (Payoff)

Original:

POLLY

OK, OK. Bad news. Jane’s not in her room.

AVA

Oh, no!

POLLY

We better find her before Jones does.

I added a last line to Polly’s: “or our lives won’t be worth living.” (setup)

Later

DR. JONES

Consequences. Can either of you tell me what that word means? (payoff)

POLLY

Cause and effect. When a planet is sucked into a black hole, th—

DR. JONES

Polly, no.

POLLY

Too hard? Easier answer. A monkey takes a baboon’s banana. This causes the big ugly baboon to chase the cute little monkey and hurt it.

DR. JONES

You will not derail this conversation. Letting Jane out of her restraints was reckless and dangerous. I don’t think you understand your positions here. When I give an order, you follow it–period–or I have no further use for you. And believe me, Polly, I know you took the key.

4. Anticipatory Dialogue

I already had a lot of this.

Original:

DR. JONES

I think we both know that it’s more than that. I’m going to nip this in the bud now. Nol Zyn, as the matriarch of this facility, I choose you as my rightful mate. We will mate tonight. Go and prepare my bedroom. You’ll need the flowers.

DR. ZYN

Wait. We didn’t even discuss this. I don’t want to be with you. I don’t love you.

I added to the end of Dr. Zyn’s line: “I will always love Jane. Someday, she’ll remember me.” (Jane will remember him in a future, and they will fall in love).

3. Irony

Original

DAN

There’s glass everywhere. You better clean it up. I almost cut myself. You look like shit! Where’s dinner?

JANE

I’ll make it right away.

Changed:

DAN

There’s glass everywhere. You better clean it up. I almost cut myself. You look like shit! Where’s dinner?

JANE

It’s your favorite. I’ve been working on it all day. I just have to warm it up.

Jane takes a store-bought, pre-made lasagna out of the refrigerator, pulls the plastic wrap off, and pops it into the microwave. (words opposite action)

Original

He comes back in. She gives him the coffee, but he sets it down and shoves her against the wall. He begins kissing her neck. She grimaces.

DAN (CONT’D)

We need to make up for the night we missed. I’ll be home early. Be ready.

Changed:

He comes back in. She gives him the coffee, but he sets it down and shoves her against the wall. He begins kissing her neck. She grimaces.

DAN (CONT’D)

We need to make up for the night we missed. I’ll be home early. Be ready.

JANE

I’m doing cartwheels.

DAN

What?

JANE

Just excited.

DAN

That’s my girl!

The school bus honks, and Dan pulls away. Dan slaps Jane on the butt and heads out to his gold Mustang. She grabs disinfecting wipes and wipes her kissed places down. (Words opposite action)

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Dialogue 1 + 2

What I learned doing this assignment is that I am fine tuning every word that comes out of the main character’s mouth.

My opening scene had a archer come into the tent and tell Jane and her Second-in-Command that it was time to go into battle. I changed it to:

INT. TENT-DAY

Under a richly adorned tent, JANE MARCH, who is dressed in ancient armor, pores over a map. Her SECOND-IN-COMMAND startles her out of her intense concentration.

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

It’s time.

JANE

But we’re not ready.

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

Our people have been ready for years. They want this fight.

JANE

We’re not strong enough.

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

They may have better weapons, but our people will fight with everything they’ve got.

JANE

I don’t know how to lead.

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

You’re doing it already. Besides, you aren’t alone. If we wait any longer, the enemy will be attacking us, and we will lose all that we’ve gained.

JANE

What if–

SECOND-IN-COMMAND

No more excuses. We have to go.

____

Jane was yelling for her kids. I added that they were her whole world.

Jane was arguing with Dr. Jones. I changed her last words.

DR. JONES (CONT’D)

(Whispering)

I have all the power; you have none. Remember that.

JANE

But I can outlast anyone.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Completed P/S Grid #2

What I learned doing this assignment is that there are so many pieces to this that can and need to be changed or moved to make it better.

Characters We Don’t Care About

The villain of the story wasn’t someone people would care about. I had the person she cared about tell her that he didn’t love her.

Took out redundant speaking when what was happening was clear.

Did a lot of tweaking and changing things.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Completed P/S Grid #1

What I learned doing this assignment is that this is so much harder than writing but really important.

I worked on the following:

Structure: Do my Acts Work?

Some of my acts did not have the requirements, so I added that.

Conclusion: Mystery or Impossible Goal/Mission weak

I changed the ending so that there was a clearer goal.

Weak Turning Points

I checked my turning points. One wasn’t a twist, so I changed it.

[Wendy Weising]

W

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Wendy Weising.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising Has Finished Act 4 + 5

What I learned doing this assignment is to make sure you have enough information in your outline so that you have enough pages in your screenplay.

I got slowed down because for the first time in my life, I didn’t have enough pages. I had to go back and add some things. It’s still short, but I’m hoping that the other passes will help with that.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Finished Act 3

What I learned doing this assignment is that even though I’m behind in assignments, I’m going to catch up. I’m telling my inner critic to shut up, and I’m just writing it.

Because of all the work that we did on character development, my characters have their own voices when I write dialogue.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Finished Act 2

What I learned doing this assignment is that because the draft is pretty simple, if I need to change something that’s bothering me, I can do it quickly.

Rule 1: B

Rule 2:A

Rule 3:A

Rule 4:A

Rule 5:A

Rule 6:A

I can’t get over how easy it is to write when you have an outline.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Wendy Weising.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Wendy Weising.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Finished Act 1 First Draft

What I learned doing this assignment is that I’m really enjoying this.

It is all about the amount of work that you put into the outline. You can write fast, if you have a structure in place. New insights do come too–that make it better.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Teaser / High Speed Writing

What I learned doing this assignment is that when you have an outline like we have created, high-speed writing is so fun and easy.

I absolutely love high-speed writing, especially when I had such a thought-out outline to use.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Outline With Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is that I keep thinking that I can’t possible find anymore intrigue—sometimes this is true, but sometimes I find more.

TEASER

EXT. BATTLEFIELD—DAY: Intriguing World

Jane, in full ancient battle gear, hesitates at the top of a hill. Her soldiers look at her for a sign to charge forward. Her second in command nudges her. Jane yells the charge and leads her small army into battle. When she finds the enemy leader, she knows him, and he knows her. She attacks him first. She pins him to the ground, but he knocks her sword away, so she grabs his throat and begins to squeeze hard.

Open Loop: Why does Jane seem to hate this man and want him dead?

Mystery: Is this a battle from history?

Empathy/Distress: Jane is hesitant to charge into battle.

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: How do Jane and the enemy commander know each other? Why do they recognize each other.

INT. BEDROOM—DAY: Strange Behavior

Jane is on top of her husband, Dan, squeezing his neck. She is fierce, and he is scared. He wrestles her off him, yells her name, and slaps her across the face. She wakes up. When he wants to know what’s got into her, she tells him about her dream. He laughs hysterically because she couldn’t hurt a fly.

Open Loop: If Jane can’t hurt a fly, why was Dan so afraid of her?

Mystery: Dan is truly alarmed at how fierce Jane is. It scares him.

Empathy/Distress: Dan makes fun of Jane.

Payoff: Jane’s having a dream, and the man is her husband.

Irony: A woman who couldn’t hurt a fly is fighting a battle and killing people.

Setup:

ACT 1

EXT. SOCCER FIELD—DAY: Wound

Jane and her younger son, Michael, watch her son Josh play soccer. When Josh lets a ball into the goal and the coach belittles him loudly, Michael wants her to do something about it. She goes all the way down the stands and onto the field. The coach remembers her and her father. He says that she is as pretty as a peach and as ripe as one. At that, she goes back to her seat.

Open Loop: Why won’t Jane stand up for herself and her kids?

Mystery: She has history with the coach, which is revealed when he says she’s as pretty as a peach…and as ripe as one. He also asks about her dad.

Empathy/Distress: Josh’s coach belittles him. Jane does not have enough confidence to confront the coach.

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup:

INT. FAMILY ROOM—EVENING: Wound

Josh and Michael are playing the new video game that Jane substituted for courage. As she hears aliens being killed on screen by her boys, she has a panic attack. To escape, Jane moves to the kitchen to get some water. When she turns on the tap, she sees blood coming out of it. Then her sight is blurred.

Open Loop: Why does the sound of aliens being killed bother her?

Mystery: Why does she see blood come out of the tap?

Empathy/Distress: Jane has a panic attack.

Payoff:

Irony: The very things she bought to pacify her kids aggravates her.

Setup:

INT. BEDROOM—DAY: Secret Identity

Jane, now in tactical gear, is kidnapping someone’s kids. She tapes their mouths so that they cannot alert the parents. She can’t tape the baby’s mouth. As the baby cries, she also holds out her arms to something in the crib. Jane picks up a lamb—no, not the one. A doll—nope. Finally, she gives her a neon pink bear from her crib, and the baby stops crying and snuggles with it. She hands the kids out the window. The parents have heard the baby and come in. Jane immobilizes them with a phasor. She checks their vitals. She goes to the window to ask for a help with two live adults, but when she turns around, the parents have disappeared.

Open Loop: Why does Jane keep having these strange dreams? Mystery: Why is Jane kidnapping children?

Empathy/Distress: The baby holds her arms out for something in the crib. Jane picks up and tries the different toys until the baby snuggles with the bear.

Payoff:

Irony: Jane shoots the parents but wants them alive.

Setup: What is the significance of the pink bear? Where did the parents go?

INT. KITCHEN—EVENING: Secret

Dan shakes Jane awake. He jerks her to her feet and wants to know where dinner is. He wants a glass of wine stat! Dan puts his feet up and turns on the TV. A laxative commercial is on TV, which he makes fun of. She pours more than wine into the glass. She adds a clear liquid to it and mixes it together. She smiles as she serves him.

Open Loop: Why is this marriage so awful?

Mystery: Is Jane really helpless or pretending to be?

Empathy/Distress: Dan doesn’t even care that Jane is on the floor. He expects her to fix him a drink while he puts his feet up and watches TV.

Payoff: The parents disappeared because it was another dream.

Irony: There is a laxative commercial on the TV.

Setup: What is the clear liquid that Jane adds to Dan’s glass?

ACT 2

INT. DINING ROOM—EVENING: Deception

At the dinner table, Dan asks about the new games, and the boys shame their mom because of her failure at the soccer game. Dan laughs and allows the boys to leave the table. Dan hoists Jane onto his lap, calls her his Sweet Tart. He begins kissing Jane and whispering that he will take care of everything. He unbuttons her shirt and is about to kiss her breasts when his intestines rumble and he runs for the bathroom. She buttons up her shirt. She hides a bottle marked “Mama’s Helper” in the cupboard, smiles widely, and pours herself a glass of wine.

Open Loop: Who is really controlling the situation?

Mystery: She hides a bottle marked “Mama’s Helper” in the back of a cupboard. What is it?

Empathy/Distress: Boys shame Jane, and Dan just laughs about it. Dan gets sick.

Payoff: Whatever Jane put in Dan’s glass has sent him running to the bathroom.

Irony:

Setup:

INT. KITCHEN—MORNING: Secret Identity

Jane tells the boys to get ready for school, but they ignore her, so she uses a cookie cutter to make heart-shaped sandwiches for their lunches while they play on their phones. Her husband is in a foul mood because he spent the night in the bathroom. He commands coffee from Jane. She adds more Mother’s helper to his to-go cup. He wants to know why the boys aren’t ready. Jane has told them to get ready. He doesn’t back her up but tells them to get dressed, and they obey. Dan shoves her against the wall and begins kissing her neck and tell that they will make up for the night they missed. She grimaces. But then the school bus honks, and the boys down. The boys leave on the bus, and Dan leaves in his gold mustang. Jane reaches to the back of a cupboard, pulls out a box of chocolates, and pours herself a glass of wine. She sits in Dan’s chair with her feet up and her favorite book. Then Jane gets a phone call.

Open Loop: Is Jane going to kill her husband?

Mystery: Who calls Jane?

Empathy/Distress: The boys won’t obey her, and her husband won’t back her up.

Payoff:

Irony: Jane sits in the master’s chair when he leaves.

Setup: Dan leaves in his gold mustang.

EXT. MAILBOX—DAY: Mystery

Jane grumbles as she opens the mailbox. She finds a heart-shaped note that reads, “Au revoir, my Sweet Tart.” She is angry for having her me time interrupted. She shreds the note and stomps on it. Then a gold mustang plows through her.

Open Loop: Who called Jane? Who hit her? Who is the note from?

Mystery: The note addresses her like her husband does.

Empathy/Distress: Jane is hit by a car.

Payoff: A gold mustang hits her.

Irony: It is a heart-shaped note, but she tears it up and stomps on it.

Setup: A car plows through Jane. She should be dead.

ACT 3

INT. HOSPITAL—DAY: Conspiracy

Jane wakes up in a hospital, in restraints. When she screams for her kids, Dr. Jones tells her that she has no family. She knows this isn’t true… or is it? As Jane thrashes to get free from her restraints, Dr. Zyn, who acts like he knows her, uses her name, and keeps touching her, tells her the restraints are for her own protection. When Dr. Jones tells her she’s hallucinating because she overdosed on medication, Jane spits in Dr. Jones’s face and gets tranquilized.

Open Loop: Is Jane going crazy? Are they telling her the truth?

Mystery: They tell Jane that the restraints are there for her protection and that she’s been self-harming, but she can’t remember ever doing this.

Empathy/Distress: No one acts like they believe Jane.

Payoff: Jane is alive but told that she has overdosed.

Irony:

Setup: Dr. Zyn acts like he knows her.

INT. DR. JONES’S OFFICE—DAY: Hidden Agenda

Dr. Zyn acts very protective of Jane and wants to take her restraints off, but Dr. Jones says she knows what he’s up to. She’s not the same person. He needs to control himself because Jane’s a patient. Then she rips a staffing sheet off the wall and shoves it into Dr. Zyn’s chest. They don’t have enough staff—they lost three more people the previous week. She mutters about people wanting the product but not being willing to do the dirty work.

Open Loop: How could Jane and Dr. Zyn know each other before?

Mystery: Why are hospital staff quitting?

Empathy/Distress: Dr. Jones won’t allow Dr. Zyn to take Jane’s restraints off.

Payoff: Dr. Zyn has history with Jane.

Irony:

Setup: What are they really doing at the hospital?

INT. DR. JONES’S BEDROOM—NIGHT: Wound

Ava holds up different pairs of earrings, which Dr. Jones rejects. Nothing is right. When her com buzzes, she shoos Ava from the room and answers it. The four royal matriarchs of the Old Regime, her bosses, who are now on screen, ask her about rumors of staff members quitting. She lies to hide the truth. They advise her that she must mate soon or lose her position in the regime. After the call ends, she goes into a rage, throwing things. Then she calms down and calls her friends for a party. When Mr. Lanzee asks if Ava will be at the party, he is delighted to find out she will. Dr. Jones is in full control again.

Open Loop: Who is the Old Regime? What planet are they on?

Mystery: Mr. Lanzee asks about Ava. Will she be at the party?

Empathy/Distress: The Old Regime gives Dr. Jones an ultimatum that makes her angry.

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: The Old Regime tells Dr. Jones she must mate soon or lose her position. Mr. Lanzee is delighted that Ava will be at the party.

INT. KITCHEN—EVENING: Hidden Agenda

With fix-it manual in one hand and a wrench in the other, Polly is trying to repair a stove. Ava arrives and wants her to come meet the new arrival, but Polly thinks that a working stove is more important. Ava pulls out a new leather-bound book with gold edges. Polly drops everything and slowly nods. She takes the book and kisses it. Ava wants to bring a meal, but she doesn’t want to wait for Polly to fix the stove.

Open Loop: Who are these two young women? Are they patients or hired help?

Mystery: Polly is repairing a stove by looking at a book.

Empathy/Distress: Polly can’t fix everything for Ava.

Payoff:

Irony: Ava wants to bring a hot meal for Jane, but she also can’t wait long enough for Polly to fix the stove.

Setup: Who is the new arrival they are going to see? How will Ava bring a meal if the stove doesn’t work?

INT. JANE’S ROOM—EVENING

Polly cleans Jane’s room while Ava tries to feed Jane a plate of sandwiches and sings. When Jane begins to cry, Ava wipes her face and asks Polly for the key, but Polly disagrees. Ava pulls Polly to Jane and dips her finger in Jane’s tears. Polly opens her hand, and Ava takes the key.

Open Loop: What is the relationship between Polly and Ava?

Mystery: Empathy/Distress: Jane cries. Ava dips Polly’s fingers in Jane’s tears.

Payoff: The new arrival is Jane. Ava’s meal for Jane ends up being a plate of sandwiches.

Irony:

Setup: Ava unlocks Jane’s restraints.

ACT 4

INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY—LATE NIGHT: Imminent Threat

Jane runs down dark hall after dark hall, trying doors and softly calling her kids names. She must find them. Everything is locked. She hesitates at the top of the stairs to the basement because she is afraid. She’s sees light, so she goes down. The light is coming from under a door. Someone’s coming. She hides but looks as the nurse opens the door. She sees a person hooked up to lives-saving machines, but the skull of his head is missing, and his brain is exposed. The doctor stabs the brain with a forked instrument, pulls the brain out, and takes a bite. Jane panics and runs.

Open Loop: What kind of hospital locks all of its doors? Why does the doctor eat a piece of the brain?

Mystery: The doctors are taking a live patient’s brain out.

Empathy/Distress: Jane is afraid. She panics.

Payoff: Jane escapes her room and looks for her kids.

Irony: Doctors are supposed to heal patients, not hurt them.

Setup: What will happen to the patient if the doctor eats part of his brain?

INT. STORAGE CLOSET—LATE NIGHT: Imminent Threat

Jane finds a window to the outer world, but it’s locked. She rubs on the grimy glass to see what is outside. Two nurses carry a skull-less body to a pit and drop it in—and then another, and then another. Jane hyperventilates as she begins a full-blown panic attack. She drops to the floor, clutching her chest and trying to breathe. Dr. Jones arrives, rubs Jane’s back, and helps her breathe.

Open Loop: What is this place? Hell?

Mystery: This doesn’t seem like real hospital.

Empathy/Distress: Jane finds a window, but it’s locked.

Payoff: The patient dies, and the nurses dump his body in a pit.

Irony: Nurses are disposing of bodies for doctors. Dr. Jones physically helps Jane but is clearly lying to her.

Setup: Jane sees doctors eating a living patient’s brain.

INT. JANE’S ROOM—LATE NIGHT: Conspiracy

Jane rants about people being killed. She fights the nurses who drag her into her room and hold her down on the bed. Dr. Jones holds an oxygen mask over her face to keep her quiet while nurses strap on the restraints. Dr. Jones tells Jane she’s hallucinating again. Jane continues to thrash, so Dr. Jones tranquilizes her. Then Dr. Jones removes a necklace, locks Jane’s restraints with a key that is on it, and puts the necklace back around her neck. She reminds the nurses that their futures depend on their silence. They nod.

Open Loop: What is the secret the nurses must keep?

Mystery: Dr. Jones reminds the nurses that their futures depend on their silence.

Empathy/Distress: Jane knows what she saw, but they tell her she’s hallucinating again. She’s being forced into restraints.

Payoff: Jane is restrained again and told she is hallucinating because of what she saw.

Irony:

Setup:

ACT 5

INT. DR. JONES’S OFFICE—DAY: Imminent Threat

Dr. Jones is angry because the girls unlocked Jane’s restraints. She’s rants at Polly, who steals a book while the doctor’s back is turned. Ava sees, and they both smiles at the joke, except Dr. Jones catches the smile. She grabs a red marker and Polly’s head and draws a bull’s eye on Polly’s forehead. Polly must be a better spy or her brain is next. When Dr. Jones tells Ava she will be entertaining some of her male guests and that Mr. Lanzee has asked for her, Ava passes out.

Open Loop: What is Polly’s relationship with Dr. Jones? What is Ava’s? Why are these young women so afraid of Dr. Jones?

Mystery: Polly is Dr. Jones’s spy.

Empathy/Distress: Dr. Jones threatens to take Polly’s brain if she doesn’t obey Dr. Jones. Ava is so upset about Mr. Lanzee that she passes out.

Payoff: They are being disciplined for removing Jane’s restraints. When Ava finds out that Mr. Lanzee will be at the party, she passes out.

Irony:

Setup: Polly steals a book.

INT. POLLY’S NEST—DAY: Deception

Polly is proudly still wearing the bull’s eye. She wants the world to see what Dr. Jones does. She finds a pen in her stash and writes in the stolen book. Dr. Jones appears, wondering where another stolen item is. Polly puts the book behind her back. Dr. Jones wants to know what she’s just hidden. Polly shakes her head. Dr. Jones insists. Polly pulls the screw cap off an old can full of rotten meat—her secret weapon. Dr. Jones shrinks back and tells her to clean up her area.

Open Loop: Why does Polly live in hole in the wall and hoards things?

Mystery: What else is in Polly’s stash?

Empathy/Distress: Polly’s living conditions are pretty bad.

Payoff:

Irony: Polly is proudly wearing the mark that Dr. Jones meant to threaten her with.

Setup: Polly writes something in the stolen book.

INT. JANE’S ROOM—DAY: Wound

Jane won’t eat or talk. Ava is worried about Jane. She tries to spoon different foods, which she has spent a long time preparing, into her mouth, but Jane won’t open her mouth. While this is going on, Polly tucks a pink bear under Jane’s pillow so that Dr. Jones cannot find it. Ava becomes frustrated with Jane, slams the tray on a nearby table, and storms out. Polly cleans around the bed until she gets closer and closer to Jane. She asks Jane what she needs. Jane just needs to find her kids. Polly picks up the spoon and tells her that she needs to eat and that they will help her. Jane takes a bite.

Open Loop: Will Jane ever snap out of her depression? Is this the same pink bear we saw in Jane’s dream? Did Jane kidnap Polly?

Mystery: Polly tucks the bear under Jane’s pillow so that Dr. Jones cannot find it.

Empathy/Distress: Ava is worried about Jane. She tries to spoon different foods to her mouth, but Jane turns her head away.

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: Polly plants the pink bear for Jane to find.

INT. DR. JONES’S OFFICE—EVENING: Suspicion

Dr. Jones is reading Jane’s medical chart when Polly, with the bull’s eye still on her forehead, makes a big show of reporting to Dr. Jones that Jane is now eating, which the doctor doesn’t care about. Dr. Jones tells her to wash her face, but Polly hides and spies on her. Dr. Jones goes back to the chart. Her gaze focuses in on something of interest. She opens her door and calls for Nurse Akal. She shows the page to the nurse and asks if she ran the test. The nurse did. She asks if it is what she thinks it is. The nurse nods. They leave together. Polly looks at the report but can’t figure out what it says. She rips off the page and stuffs it in her pocket.

Open Loop: When Polly spies on Dr. Jones, who does she tell?

Mystery: Something on that chart completely captures Dr. Jones’s attention.

Empathy/Distress: Dr. Jones treats Polly like dirt.

Payoff: Polly spies on Dr. Jones.

Irony:

Setup: Dr. Jones finds something in the report. Polly takes the page of the report.

INT. JANE’S ROOM—EVENING: Goal

When Dr. Jones enters Jane’s room, Jane becomes agitated. She wants to know if Dr. Jones killed her kids like she did the others. Dr. Jones laughs and administers a tranquilizer. She begins to ultrasound Jane while she sleeps, but Dr. Zyn arrives with some flowers and a smile. That’s when Dr. Jones tells him that she has chosen him as her mate. She sends him to prepare her a bath. She returns to the ultrasound and finds a baby.

Open Loop: Does Dr. Zyn have a choice in the matter of being a mate?

Mystery: She wants to know if Dr. Jones killed her kids like she did the others.

Empathy/Distress: When Dr. Jones enters the room, Jane becomes upset.

Payoff: Dr. Jones finds a baby when she ultrasounds Jane. Dr. Jones tells Dr. Zyn that she has chosen him as her mate.

Irony:

Setup:

INT. JANE’S ROOM—LATE EVENING: Secret

Jane finds the pink bear and hugs it. A nurse comes in and tries to take the bear because it’s dirty, but Jane won’t let her have it. The nurse gives in and leaves. She has better things to do. But something is wrong with the bear. Jane finds a pocket and pulls out a book, in which is written, “Don’t believe them. They’re lying about everything.”

Open Loop: Will Jane remember the bear from her dream?

Mystery: The bear contains Polly’s book. The book contains a message.

Empathy/Distress: The nurse tries to take the only thing that is bringing comfort to Jane.

Payoff: There’s a book with a message in the bear that confirms what Jane believe is true. They are lying to her.

Irony:

Setup: Jane finds a message telling her that she’s not crazy. They are lying to her.

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment #11

Wendy Weising’s Scene Requirements

What I learned doing this assignment is that while my scenes are becoming simpler, they have more meaning.

TEASER

EXT. BATTLEFIELD—DAY

Jane, in full ancient battle gear, hesitates at the top of a hill. Her soldiers look at her for a sign to charge forward. Her second in command nudges her. Jane yells the charge and leads her small army into battle. When she finds the enemy leader, she knows him, and he knows her. She attacks him first. She pins him to the ground, but he knocks her sword away, so she grabs his throat and begins to squeeze hard.

Start: Leader of a small army

Challenging Situation: (Wound) Jane needs to be encouraged before advancing into battle because her father verbally abused her, causing her to lack confidence.

Conflict: Jane attacks the enemy’s leader, who knocks her sword away, so she pins him with her shield and begins to strangle him.

Action: When Jane first sees the enemy’s leader and he sees her, they are shocked. They know each other and apparently don’t like each other.

Finish: She pins the enemies leader to the ground and strangles him.

INT. BEDROOM—DAY

Jane is on top of her husband, Dan, squeezing his neck. She is fierce, and he is scared. He wrestles her off him, yells her name, and slaps her across the face. She wakes up. When he wants to know what’s got into her, she tells him about her dream. He laughs hysterically because she couldn’t hurt a fly.

Start: Jane is a warrior trying to kill her husband.

Challenging Situation: (Wound) Jane allows her husband to verbally abuse her because her father verbally abused her.

Conflict: When Jane doesn’t act the way she’s supposed to, her husband verbally abuses her.

Action: Jane is so intent on killing her husband in the dream that he has to use strong force to dislodge her.

Finish: Her husband demeans her.

ACT 1

EXT. SOCCER FIELD—DAY

Jane and her younger son, Michael, watch her son Josh play soccer. When Josh lets a ball into the goal and the coach belittles him loudly, Michael wants her to do something about it. She goes all the way down the stands and onto the field. When the coach turns on her, she immediately goes back to her seat.

Start: Jane tries to stand up for her son.

Challenging Situation: (Wound) Because Jane’s husband verbally abuses her, she is afraid to stand up to the coach who is doing the same thing.

Conflict: She struggles within herself to help her son.

Action: The getting up, going down the stands, and then returning to her seat show that she lacks the confidence to help her son.

Finish: She backs away and doesn’t help her son.

INT. FAMILY ROOM—EVENING

Josh and Michael are playing the new video game that Jane substituted for courage. As she hears aliens being killed on screen by her boys, she has a panic attack. To escape, Jane moves to the kitchen, where her sight is blurred.

Start: Jane has regained the boys favor by buying them a new video game.

Challenging Situation: (Need) Jane needs a peaceful environment without conflict, so she goes to the kitchen away from the sounds of killing.

Conflict: A feeling of terror is triggered inside her when she hears the game, and she has a panic attack.

Action: Moving from the boy’s room to the quiet of the kitchen. Why does the game bother her so much?

Finish: She tries to escape the noises of people being killed in the game.

INT. BEDROOM—DAY

Jane, now in tactical gear, is kidnapping someone’s kids. She tapes their mouths so that they cannot alert the parents. She can’t tape the baby’s mouth so she gives her a neon pink bear from her crib, which settles her down. The parents have hear the baby. Jane immobilizes them with a phaser. She goes to the window to ask for a help with two live adults, but when she turns around, the parents have disappeared.

Start: Jane is in control of her situation as she kidnaps a family.

Challenging Situation: (Goal) Jane’s mission is to kidnap the family, but she loses the parents.

Conflict: She must silence the kids so that she can secure them before the parents arrive, but the parents arrive and put up a fight.

Action: Although Jane is on task, she stops to give the baby a teddy bear. She isn’t heartless but just doing her job.

Finish: The parents disappear, causing Jane to lose control of her situation.

INT. KITCHEN—EVENING

Dan shakes Jane awake. He jerks her to her feet and wants to know where dinner is. He wants a glass of wine stat! Dan puts his feet up and turns on the TV. She pours more than wine into the glass. She adds a little liquid laxative to it. She smiles as she serves him.

Start: Jane’s husband wakes her up and shows no concern that she is on the floor.

Challenging Situation: (Value) Jane is tired of being abused, so she is quietly defiant.

Conflict: Her husband jerks her to her feet and tells her to pour him a glass of wine. She pours more than wine into his glass.

Action: She smiles after giving the glass to her husband because she has just defied him.

Finish: Jane mixes liquid laxative into his glass of wine.

ACT 2

INT. DINING ROOM—EVENING

At the dinner table, Dan asks about the new games, and the boys shame their mom because of her failure at the soccer game. Dan laughs and allows the boys to leave the table. Dan hoists Jane onto his lap, calls her his Sweet Tart. He begins kissing Jane and whispering that he will take care of everything. He unbuttons her shirt and just puts his mouth on her breast when his intestines rumble and he runs for the bathroom. She buttons up her shirt, smiles widely, and pours herself a glass of wine.

Start: Boys tell their dad what a failure their mom is.

Challenging Situation: (Value) Jane wants to be loved, but her husband only wants her body for sex and a meal.

Conflict: Because her husband verbally abuses her, so do the boys. She doesn’t like this but doesn’t know how to stop it, so she does what she can.

Action: She begins cleaning every bottle in the door of the refrigerator.

Finish: She watches her husband rush to the bathroom.

INT. KITCHEN—MORNING

Jane tells the boys to get ready for school, but they ignore her, so she uses a cookie cutter to make heart-shaped sandwiches for their lunch while they play on their phones. Her husband wants to know why they aren’t ready. Jane has told them. He doesn’t back her up but tells them to get dressed, and they obey. Dan shoves her against the wall and begins kissing her neck. The school bus honks, the boys leave on the bus, and Dan leaves in his gold mustang. Jane reaches to the back of a cupboard and pulls out a box of chocolate and pours herself a glass of wine. She sits in Dan’s chair with her feet up and her favorite book. Then Jane gets a phone call.

Start: Jane’s boys won’t obey her.

Challenging Situation: (Need) She needs her boys to love her. They only act like they do if she gives into them.

Conflict: Jane’s husband won’t back her up when the boys don’t obey her. This frustrates her.

Action: She finally takes care of herself when no one can see what she’s doing.

Finish: When everyone leaves, she gets out the chocolates, wine, and her favorite book. It’s mom time…until the phone rings and she has to get up again.

EXT. MAILBOX—DAY

Jane grumbles as she opens the mailbox. She finds a note that reads, “Au revoir, my Sweet Tart.” She is angry that her husband has interrupted her me time. She shreds the note and stomps on it. Then a gold mustang plows through her.

Start: Jane goes to the mailbox even though she doesn’t want to.

Challenging Situation: (Goal) Jane just wants to do her husband’s errand quickly so that she can get back to me time, but the note stops her.

Conflict: How dare her husband call her out of the house to leave her a weird note.

Action: She tears up the note and stomps on it.

Finish: A gold mustang plows through her.

ACT 3

INT. HOSPITAL—DAY

Jane wakes up in a hospital, in restraints. When she screams for her kids, Dr. Jones tell her that she has no family and that she has overdosed. She knows this isn’t true… or is it? As Jane thrashes to get free from her restraints, Dr. Zyn acts like he knows her, using her name and touching her, but she kicks at him because she doesn’t know him. When Dr. Jones tells her she’s hallucinating because of the medication she has taken, Jane spits in Dr. Jones’s face and gets tranquilized.

Start: Jane wakes up in restraints, as a mom looking for her kids.

Challenging Situation: (Need) She needs to know that her kids are safe and that she is sane, but they are telling her that what she believes isn’t true.

Conflict: The doctors say that Jane overdosed and is hallucinating a family that she knows exists.

Action: Jane thrashes to get free, kicks Dr. Zyn, and spits in Dr. Jones’s face because she’s not buying their story.

Finish: Dr. Jones stabs her with a tranquilizer, and Jane falls asleep.

INT. DR. JONES’S OFFICE—DAY

Dr. Zyn acts very protective of Jane and wants to take her restraints off, but Dr. Jones says no. When he asks why, she rips a staffing sheet off the wall and shoves it into Dr. Zyn’s chest. They don’t have enough staff—they lost three more people the previous week. She mutters about people wanting the product but not being willing to do the dirty work.

Start: Dr. Zyn wants to take Jane’s restraints off.

Challenging Situation: (Need) Dr. Zyn needs to protect Jane because he loves her, but Dr. Jones won’t approve it.

Conflict: Dr. Zyn and Dr. Jones argue about releasing Jane.

Action: Dr. Jones shoves rips an employee chart off the wall and thrusts it at Dr. Zyn—they don’t have enough staff to let patients wander around.

Finish: Dr. Jones wins the argument.

INT. DR. JONES’S BEDROOM—NIGHT

Ava holds up different pairs of earrings, which Dr. Jones rejects. Nothing is right. When her com buzzes, she shoos Ava from the room and answers it. The four royal matriarchs of the Old Regime, her bosses, who are now on screen ask her about rumors of staff members quitting. She lies to make hide the truth. and is lying about the staff departures. They advise her that she must mate soon or lose her position in the regime. After the call ends, she goes into a rage, throwing things. Then she calms down and calls her friends for a party. She is in full control again.

Start: Dr. Jones has Ava help her prepare for her virtual meeting with the Matriarchal Old Regime. Nothing is right.

Challenging Situation: (Goal) Dr. Jones always has to win, but these women want to know if what they’ve heard it true about staff members leaving. They also want her to marry or lose her position.

Conflict: When they challenge her ability to lead, she lies about the losses and says that she has chosen Dr. Zyn as her mate.

Action: When she signs off, she goes into a rage, throwing things.

Finish: She calms down, adjusts herself, and invites her friends for a party.

INT. KITCHEN—EVENING

With fix-it manual in one hand and a wrench in the other, Polly is trying to fix a burner. Ava arrives and wants her to come meet the arrival, but Polly thinks that a working burner is more important. Ava pulls out a new leather-bound books with gold edges. Polly drops everything and slowly nods. She takes the book and kisses it. Then she follows Ava.

Start: Polly is fixing a stove.

Challenging Situation: (Value) Ava thinks that Polly should stop what she’s doing and come and meet Jane, but Polly doesn’t think it’s important enough.

Conflict: They argue about it until Ava pulls out a new leather-bound book with gold edges.

Action: When Polly nods and receives the book, she kisses it because she is willing to meet this stranger if it means adding this precious item to her stash.

Finish: Polly gets up, stashes the book in her clothes, and follows Ava.

INT. JANE’S ROOM—EVENING

Polly cleans Jane’s room while Ava feeds Jane and sings. When Jane begins to cry, Ava wipes her face and asks Polly for the key, but Polly disagrees. Ava pulls Polly to Jane and dips her finger in Jane’s tears. Polly opens her hand, and Ava takes the key.

Start: Polly cleans Jane’s room while Ava feed Jane.

Challenging Situation: (Value) When Jane cries, Ava wants Polly to give her the key to the restraints, but Polly doesn’t want to get into trouble.

Conflict: Ava wants the key, and Polly refuses to give it.

Action: Ava pulls Polly up to Jane and dips her finger into Jane’s tears. She is trying to help Polly understand compassion.

Finish: Polly gives the key to Ava, and Ava unlocks Jane’s restraints.

ACT 4

INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY—LATE NIGHT

Jane runs down dark hall after dark hall, trying doors. She wants out. Everything is locked. She hesitates at the top of the stairs to the basement because she is afraid. She’s sees light, so she goes down. The light is coming from under a door. Someone’s coming. She hides but looks as the nurse opens the door. She sees person hooked up to lives-saving machines, but the skull of his head is missing, and his brain is exposed. The doctor stabs the brain with a forked instrument and pulls the brain out. Jane panics and runs.

Start: Jane leaves her room.

Challenging Situation: (Need) She needs to escape the hospital, but she can’t seem to find a way out.

Conflict: Everything is locked, but she keeps trying doors.

Action: She hesitates at the top of the stairs to the basement because she is afraid of what she will find.

Finish: She sees what looks like a brain surgery in progress.

INT. STORAGE CLOSET—LATE NIGHT

Jane finds a window to the outer world, but it’s locked. She rubs on the grimy glass to see what is outside. Two nurses carry a skull-less body to a pit and drop it in—and then another, and then another. Jane hyperventilates as she begins a full blown panic attack. She turns and runs into Dr. Jones.

Start: Jane finds a window to the outer world.

Challenging Situation: (Goal) Jane almost makes it to the outer world, but the window is locked.

Conflict: Dr. Jones has made sure she can’t get out, but she rubs on the glass to see what is outside.

Action: When she sees nurses skull-less bodies to a pit, she has a panic attack.

Finish: Dr. Jones catches her.

INT. JANE’S ROOM—LATE NIGHT

Jane rants about people being killed. She fights the nurses who have descended on her. Dr. Jones holds her face and stuffs a cloth in her mouth. She tells Jane she’s hallucinating again. Jane continues to thrash, so Dr. Jones tranquilizes her. The nurses drag her down the hall and into her room. Then Dr. Jones removes a necklace, locks Jane’s restraints with a key that is on it, and puts the necklace back around her neck. She reminds the nurses that their futures depend on their silence. They nod.

Start: Jane rants about people being killed

Challenging Situation: (Need) Dr. Jones needs to have complete control of the hospital, but Jane challenges this.

Conflict: Jane yells the truth about the hospital, and Dr. Jones must keep the truth hidden from the patients so that they remain compliant.

Action: Dr Jones removes a necklace, locks Jane’s restraints with a key on it, and puts the necklace back around her neck.

Finish: Dr. Jones reminds there nurses to be silent about the basement.

ACT 5

INT. DR. JONES’S OFFICE—DAY

Dr. Jones is ranting at Polly, who steals a book while the doctor’s back is turned. Ava sees, and they both smiles at the joke, except Dr. Jones catches the smile. She grabs a red marker and Polly’s head and draws a bull’s eye on Polly’s forehead. Polly must be a better spy or her brain is next. When Dr. Jones tells Ava she will be entertaining some of her male guests, Ava passes out.

Start: Dr. Jones rants at Polly and Ava.

Challenging Situation: (Need) Polly needs to think for herself and to be safe, but Dr. Jones will only offer safety if Polly does what she tells her—spying on others.

Conflict: Polly must decide which need is more important—thinking for herself or being safe. She can’t have both.

Action: She steals a book from Dr. Jones’s shelf while her back is turned and when Dr. Jones draws the bull’s eye on her, she leaves it on so that everyone can see what Dr. Jones did. When she does occasionally spy for Dr. Jones, she tells her things that everyone already knows and that aren’t important.

Finish: Ava passes out.

INT. POLLY’S NEST—DAY

Polly is proudly still wearing the bull’s eye. She was the world to see. She finds a pen in her stash and writes in the stolen book. Dr. Jones appears wondering where another stolen item is. Polly puts the book behind her back. Dr. Jones wants to know what she’s just hidden. Polly shakes her head. Dr. Jones insists. Polly pulls out an old can full of rotten meet—her secret weapon. Dr. Jones shrinks back and tells her to clean it up.

Start: Polly finds a pen in her stash and writes a note in the stolen book.

Challenging Situation: (Goal) Polly must write a message in the book without anyone seeing her do it, but Dr. Jones arrives while she’s still writing.

Conflict: Polly’s mission is in jeopardy because of Dr. Jones.

Action: Polly pulls out a can of rotting meat to make Dr. Jones go away and not look any further.

Finish: Dr. Jones won’t touch Polly’s stash now but tells her to clean it up.

INT. JANE’S ROOM—DAY

Jane won’t eat or talk. Polly tucks a pink bear down the side of Jane’s bed for her to find but Dr. Jones to miss. Ava strokes her hair, and Jane falls asleep.

Start: Jane won’t eat or talk.

Challenging Situation: (Need) Polly and Ava need Jane to want to escape, but she has shut down.

Conflict: Polly and Ava fight against Jane’s depression.

Action: Polly tucks the bear partway under Jane’s pillow so that she will find it but Dr. Jones won’t.

Finish: Jane falls asleep with the bear next to her.

INT. JANE’S ROOM—EVENING

Polly, with the bull’s eye still on her forehead, makes a big show of reporting to Dr. Jones that Jane won’t eat, which the doctor already knows. Dr. Jones has a hunch. She begins to ultrasound Jane while she sleeps, but Dr. Zyn arrives with a wrapped present and a smile because he’s been spending most of his evenings with Jane. That’s when she tells him she has chosen him as her met. She sends him to prepare her a bath. She returns to the ultrasound and finds a baby.

Start: Polly reports that Jane won’t eat.

Challenging Situation: (Goal) Wants to find out if Jane is pregnant but doesn’t want anyone else to know, but when Dr. Zyn comes into the room, he might stop her.

Conflict: Dr. Jones sends Dr. Zyn on a demeaning errand when he clearly usually spends this time with Jane.

Action: Dr. Zyn arrives with a wrapped present and a smile because he has been spending his evenings with Jane.

Finish: Dr. Jones discovers that Jane is pregnant.

INT. JANE’S ROOM—LATE EVENING

Jane finds the pink bear and hugs it. A nurse comes in and tries to take the bear because it’s dirty, but Jane won’t let her have it. The nurse gives in and leaves. She has better things to do. But something is wrong with the bear. Jane finds a pocket and pulls out a book, in which is written, “Don’t believe them. They’re lying about everything.”

Start: Jane thinks that someone has left her a bear to hug.

Challenging Situation: (Goal) Jane wants her kids, but the hospital staff and possible others are lying to her.

Conflict: She has accepted what others have told her that reality is, but now she’s told that the reality isn’t real.

Action: A nurse comes in and tries to take the bear, but Jane won’t let her have it. She wants to keep this gift.

Finish: Jane finds a note in the bear that tells her that the staff is lying to her.

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment #10

Wendy Weising’s Beat Sheet

What I learned doing this assignment is that I loved writing the Beat Sheet.

1. Tell us your Show Concept and Inciting Incident.

Concept

After an accident, a housewife wakes up in a hospital, finds out that the doctors are aliens mining human brains for chemicals, escapes to find her children, discovers she’s an alien, and becomes a warlord who conquers the planet and leads her people to a cure in a new galaxy.

Inciting Incident

When a wife and mother wakes up in a hospital, is told she has never had a family, and the doctors are killing the patients, she decides to escape and rescue her children.

2. List your A, B, and C Stories.

A Story: Jane’s Journey

B Story: Relationships in the hospital

C Story: Love story

3. Present your current Beat Sheet with no dialogue.

Scene breakdown

TEASER

Jane stands with her army, overlooking the enemy, and yells charge. They rush down the hillside and clash with the enemy, sword to sword. Jane runs toward the fiercest fighter. When he turns, she is shocked for a moment because it is her husband. He laughs and swings his sword. She blocks him. They fight. She pins him to the ground. He knocks her sword away. She grabs his throat and squeezes with all her strength. The man yells for her to stop.

She opens her eyes and finds herself on top of her husband, with her hands wrapped around his neck. She holds her position a moment longer and then let’s go. They both stare at each other, alarmed. He asks her what got into her. She tells him the dream. He laughs at her and tells her that it has to be a dream. She usually wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Act 1

Jane is sitting next to her son Michael in the stands while they watch her other son play soccer. When Josh allows a ball into the goal that he is guarding, his coach comes onto the field, yelling insults. He drags the boy by his shirt off the field. Michael asks Jane if she going to do something. She timidly stands us, steps down the bleachers, hesitates, and then returns to her seat. Michael chastises her. She tells him that the referee has it all under control, which he clearly does not.

Instead, we see Josh and Michael with the latest video game, shooting at screen aliens and each other’s avatars. Every time they viciously shoot, stab, and kick an alien, it shrieks hideously, and Jane puts her fingers in her ears. She goes into the kitchen and turns on a cooking show. She moves around her perfect kitchen with its island.

Suddenly, her sight is blurred. Then she is in tactical gear. She talks on her watch about having the transport pod ready. She uses a glasscutter, sticks her arm through the whole in the window, and unlocks it. She slides through the window and into the house. She enters the room of three sleeping children. She quickly puts tape over the two older kids mouths, which awakens them. She picks up the baby who begins to whimper and hold her hands out to something in her crib. Jane scoops up a neon pink teddy bear and gives it to the baby, who snuggles with it. She hands the baby through the window. She rolls the two older kids up in their sheets. Then she hands them off to someone outside. Just as she hands off the last child, the mother enters, screaming at her. She pulls out a phasor and shoots the woman. Her husband follows, and Jane shoots him. She checks their pulses. She radios that she has two live ones coming. When she looks back, but they’re gone.

Someone is shaking her. It’s Dan. He’s hungry. What’s going on?

Act 2

They sit at the dinner table in silence. Her husband asks about the new game. The boys tell him about their mom’s failure on the field. He excuses the boys. He speaks smoothly to her about how he will take care of it because that’s his job. Hers is to make him happy. She begins to pick up the dishes. He grabs her hand and pulls her on his lap. He talks about how much he misses his Sweet Tart during the day. He has to make up for it every night. His hands are moving inside her robe. His phone rings. He has to take the call. He goes out on the deck. She continues to clean as she watches her husband watching her and laughing.

The next morning, Jane uses a heart cookie cutter to cut the kids’ sandwiches. She asks them to get dressed for school, but they are on their phones and ignore her. Her husband arrives and asks why the kids aren’t ready to go. She’s told them. He yells at them, and they move. While the kids are upstairs, Dan tells Jane that he’ll miss his little Sweet Tart. He grabs Jane, pushes her against the wall, and begins kissing and groping her. They are interrupted by the honking of the school bus. The kids come running. She kisses each boy, hands him a lunch, and watches him get on the bus. Dan grabs her again, kisses her, says, “To be continued,” and slaps her rear. She cringes. He goes out and gets into his gold mustang as Jane watches.

As soon as she gets to the kitchen, her husband calls her. She heads to the mailbox, where she finds a note, “Au Revoir, my Sweet Tart.” Then a gold mustang plows through her. She wakes up in a hospital where the doctors tell her that she has no family.

Act 3

Jane is in restraints and thrashing. Dr. Jones holds her face still and tells her that the drugs she took and almost overdosed on are making her hallucinate. Jane makes it clear that she doesn’t take drugs. Dr. Jones won’t listen, so Jane spits in her face and then yells for her husband. Dr. Jones mumbles that he won’t help her. Jane wants to know what she meant. Dr. Jones tells her that the medication causes hearing problems as well. Dr. Jones asks the nurse to get a tranquilizer. Dr. Zyn acts like he knows Jane, using her name. He tells tries to her to calm her down, but she doesn’t know him. He needs to stop touching her. The tranquilizer kicks in.

Dr. Zyn argues with Dr. Jones about taking the restraints off Jane, and it infuriates Dr. Jones. She argues that they don’t have enough staff to have patients wandering around. Two of their staff left during the previous week. Everyone wants the final product, but they don’t want to be part of the distasteful process. So they are stuck with the work. She wins the argument. Polly spies on them.

Dr. Jones stands before a screen filled with older women (Leaders of the Old Regime). Dr. Jones doesn’t want to report on her failures, so she pretends that things are going well. They advise her that she must take a mate soon or she will lose her position in the regime.

Polly, with book in hand, is fixing a burner in the kitchen. Ava comes in and tells her that they have a new arrival.

Polly and Ava scurry into Jane’s room. Polly is an extremely intelligent and introverted hoarder who hates change. Ava is an empathetic teenage patient. Polly cleans while Ava presents food and sings. As Ava sees tears running down Jane’s face, she takes out a hankie, dries her eyes, and tells Jane that they will take care of her. Even knowing the horrible consequences that she will face, Ava decides to take off the restraints. Polly isn’t sure but produces a key. Ava frees Jane.

Act 4

Jane waits until she is alone that night and then sneaks out of her room. She runs down dark hall after dark hall, trying to find a way out of the hospital. She finally creeps down to the basement. She sees light coming from under a door with a “Do Not Enter” sign on it. She can’t open it. She hears someone coming. She hides. As the nurse opens the door, she thinks she sees what looks like a brain surgery in progress.

She moves on, trying doors. Then she gets to a small window that has condensation on it. She uses her hospital robe to wipe it off. She sees two nurses carrying a skull-less body. They dump it in a pit. Then they bring out another body and dump it. Jane backs away. As she turns in terror, Dr. Jones appears with two nurses.

Dr. Jones escorts the hysterical Jane back to her room. As Jane rants about murdered patients, Dr. Jones reassures her that there’s no such room where patients are being killed. She was just hallucinating headless bodies. As Jane continues to fight the nurses, Dr. Jones stabs her with a hypodermic, and Jane passes out. Dr. Jones tells the nurses to carry her back to her room. They are not to tell anyone what is in that room; otherwise, there will be consequences.

Act 5

Dr. Jones rails against Ava and Polly for taking off Jane’s restraints, but when her back is turned, Polly steals a book off her shelf and half-smiles at Ava. Dr. Jones catches her smile. She draws a bulls-eye on Polly’s forehead and tells her that she’s next unless she spies for her. Polly is terrified. Dr. Jones mentions that Ava needs to entertain some male friends that she has coming to a party. Ava passes out.

Polly is searching for something in her nest. She pulls out the book and writes something in it. Dr. Jones appears and questions Polly about where she has found that item. Polly thinks it’s the book, but Dr. Jones thinks it’s a broach. When she snatches the broach and slaps Polly, Polly exhales slowly.

Polly and Ava go to Jane’s room. Jane lies in her bed in restraints again. She has shut down and won’t talk. Ava sings a song about a bird being poisoned as she strokes Jane’s hair. Polly shushes her and tucks a very pink, very old teddy bear in Jane’s arms. She inserts the book into a pocket at the front of the bear. Ava tries to get Jane to eat, but she won’t. Jane falls asleep.

Outside of her room, Polly reports that Jane won’t eat to Dr. Jones. Dr. Jones makes them leave and then uses an ultrasound device on Jane as she sleeps. She finds a baby.

Jane finally notices the teddy bear and hugs it to her. There is something wrong with it. She finds the pocket and the book. She opens the book to its bookmark and reads the note in the book, which says, “Don’t believe them. They’re lying about everything.”

3. Present your current Beat Sheet with no dialogue.

BEAT SHEET

TEASER

EXT. BATTLEFIELD—DAY

Jane leads her army into battle. She pins the enemy’s leader to the ground, but he knocks her sword away, so she grabs his throat and begins to squeeze hard.

INT. BEDROOM—DAY

Jane is on top of her husband, Dan, with her hands squeezing his neck. He wrestles her off of him and yells her name. When she wakes up and tells him about her dream, he laughs hysterically because she couldn’t hurt a fly.

ACT 1

EXT. SOCCER FIELD—DAY

Jane and her younger son, Michael, watch her son Josh play soccer. When Josh lets a ball into the goal and the coach belittles him loudly, Jane goes to intervene but changes her mind and sits back down.

INT. FAMILY ROOM—EVENING

Josh and Michael are playing the new video game that Jane substituted for courage. To escape the noise, Jane moves to the kitchen, where her sight is blurred.

INT. BEDROOM—DAY

Jane is in tactical gear. She breaks into a home and ties up the children. She gives the baby a pink teddy bear to quiet her. Then she immobilizes the parents with a phasor. She calls for backup, but when she looks back, the parents are gone.

INT. KITCHEN—EVENING

Dan shakes Jane awake. He wants to know where dinner is.

ACT 2

INT. DINING ROOM—EVENING

Jane’s family is eating dinner. When Dan asks about the new games, the boys share their mom’s failure at the soccer game. He dismisses the boys. He tells Jane he will take care of everything as long as she is his Sweet Tart and then gropes her until he gets a phone call. He takes the call out on their deck. She cleans the kitchen from top to bottom.

INT. KITCHEN—MORNING

Jane uses a cookie cutter to make heart-shaped sandwiches for the boys’ lunches as they play on their phones and ignore her reminders to get ready for school. Her husband tells them, and they obey. He begins to remind her of how sweet of a tart she is when the school bus honks and the boys coming running down. She watches the boys leave on the bus and Dan in his gold mustang. While cleaning up after breakfast, she receives a call from Dan.

EXT. MAILBOX—DAY

When Jane opens the mailbox, she finds a note that reads, “Au Revoir, my Sweet Tart,” and a gold mustang plows through her.

INT. HOSPITAL—DAY

Jane wakes up in a hospital, in restraints. When she wants to know about her kids, the doctors tell her that she has no family.

ACT 3

INT. HOSPITAL—DAY

As Jane thrashes to get free from her restraints, Dr. Jones tells her she’s hallucinating because of the medication she has taken. Dr. Zyn acts like he knows her, using her name and touching her. She kicks at him. Then she spits in Dr. Jones’s face. For that, she gets tranquilized.

INT. DR. JONES’S OFFICE—DAY

Dr. Zyn wants to take Jane’s restraints off. Dr. Jones says they don’t have enough staff—they lost three more people the previous week. Polly is spying on them. Dr. Jones wins.

INT. DR. JONES’S BEDROOM—NIGHT

Dr. Jones is standing before the matriarchs of the Old Regime, her bosses. She lies about the staff departures. They advise her that she must mate soon or lose her position in the regime.

INT. KITCHEN—EVENING

With a fix-it manual in hand and a wrench in the other, Polly is trying to fix a burner. Ava tells her that they have a new arrival.

INT. JANE’S ROOM—EVENING

Polly cleans Jane’s room while Ava presents food to Jane and sings. Ava sees the restraints and feeds Jane. When Jane begins to cry, Ava wipes her eyes. Then she puts her hand out to Polly. Polly shakes her head. Ava gets in her face and tells her that it’s important. Polly produces a key, and Ava unlocks Jane’s restraints.

ACT 4

INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY—LATE NIGHT

Jane runs down hallway after hallway, trying doors. She goes down to the basement. She sees light coming from under a door, but a sign on it says, “Do Not Enter.” She tries the door anyway. It’s locked. When a nurse goes in, she think she sees a brain surgery in progress. Now she frantically looks for a door out of the hospital.

INT. STORAGE CLOSET—LATE NIGHT

Jane finds a window. She wipes the grime off to see outside. Two nurses carry a body—without the top part of its skull. Then they bring out another body in the same condition. Jane turns and runs into Dr. Jones.

INT. JANE’S ROOM—LATE NIGHT

Jane rants about people being killed as two nurses drag her into her room. Dr. Jones stabs her with a tranquilizer and tells her that no one’s killing anyone. It’s all just a bad dream until Jane passes out. Then Dr. Jones tells the nurses that they must keep their mouths shut about the basement.

ACT 5

INT. DR. JONES’S OFFICE—DAY

While Dr. Jones rails against Polly and Ava for taking the restraints off, Polly steals a book off a shelf, hides it, and smiles at Ava. Dr. Jones only sees the smile, but it’s enough. She draws a red bull’s eye on Polly’s forehead and says she’s next if she doesn’t have information on Jane by tomorrow. When she mentions that Ava will be entertaining some of her male guests that evening, Ava passes out.

INT. POLLY’S NEST—DAY

Polly is searching her stash. She finds the a pen and writes in the stolen book. She just has time to stash it as Dr. Jones appears wondering where a certain stolen item it. Polly is terrified. But Dr. Jones doesn’t find the book but picks up a broach and slaps Polly on the back of the head.

INT. JANE’S ROOM—DAY

Jane won’t eat or talk. Polly tucks a pink bear in her arms while Ava strokes her hair. Jane falls asleep.

INT. JANE’S ROOM—EVENING

Polly reports to Dr. Jones that Jane won’t eat. Dr. Jones sends everyone away. She ultrasounds Jane while she sleeps and finds a baby. Jane is pregnant.

INT. JANE’S ROOM—LATE EVENING

Jane finds the pink bear, which has slide down the side of the bed. She hugs it, but something is wrong with it. She finds a pocket and pulls out a book. She opens it to where it is bookmarked. Words have been written over the words in the book, which say, “Don’t believe them. They’re lying about everything.”

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment #9

Wendy Weising’s Setting Up The Future

What I learned doing this assignment is that many things are linked, but you have to dig for them.

1. List of things that could be set up in the pilot.

Polly’s mother is killed.

Dr. Jones surprises Dr. Zyn by announcing that she has chosen him as a mate

Dr. Jones decides to use Polly’s brain even though she promised she wouldn’t.

Dr. Zyn tells her that she isn’t in a hospital but in a facility run by aliens, who must partake of the human brain for a chemical that helps them survive.

Polly is able to draw a map of the hospital maze from memory.

Polly hotwires the vehicle.

Dr. Jones holds up Jane’s live embryo and says, “Did you forget something?”

They are no longer on Earth but on Cerebros.

Ava finds her mother in the dead pile.

Ava no longer wants to live without the drug now that her mother is dead. She exchanges herself for the two boys.

Dr. Jones has made a few gene enhancements to Jane’s child and wants to watch her grow up to reach her full potential.

It’s Jane’s husband, Dan, who is really one of Dr. Jones’s hitmen. The man whom she thought was her husband was also hired as a hunter.

Dr. Jones tells Jane that Jane is an alien whom she hired to go to Earth, hunt, and capture humans for experimentation.

And the father of the baby? Dr. Jones tells her that it’s someone in that room—Dr. Zyn. She can’t remember her kids because her memory was wiped and she was given human memories before going to Earth.

2. Going to use these

How does Polly know how to do so many things? Show her with a book, fixing the refrigerator just before she takes out food and serves it.

Dr. Jones made enhancements to Jane’s child. Show her adding liquids to Jane’s living embryo.

Jane took Polly as a baby. Her parents were killed in brain mining later. When Jane takes Polly, Polly is crying and reaching for something in her crib. Jane gives a pink teddy bear to Polly. Polly gives this same teddy bear to Jane.

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment #8

Wendy Weising’s Adding Empathy/Distress!

What I learned doing this assignment is that I filled in a lot of holes and made the story flow better.

<u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Crucible:

They are trapped in a hospital run by an alien who thinks she’s god.

Betrayal:

Jane’s husband is head of her enemy’s army in her dream.

Hurt those they love:

Dr. Zyn acts like he knows her, using her name. He tells tries to her to calm her down, but she doesn’t know him. He needs to stop touching her.

Brings wound present:

Jane tries to make up for attacking her husband by making him a perfect lunch. But he reminds her that he’s going out to lunch with a client. She focuses on the kids. She uses a heart cookie cutter to cut their sandwiches. She asks them to get dressed for school, but they are on their phones and ignore her. Her husband asks why the kids aren’t ready to go. She’s told them. He yells at them, and they move. She goes the refrigerator, wiping every bottle and carton and lining them up.

Dr. Jones tells Polly how cute and obedient she was as a child. She asks her what’s happened. Dr. Jones tells Polly not to show her face at the party. She doesn’t’ want the guests to be frightened.

External Conflict:

Jane is in restraints and thrashing. Dr. Jones holds her face still and tells her that the drugs are making her hallucinate. Jane spits in Dr. Jones’s face and then yells for her husband. Dr. Jones asks the nurse to get a tranquilizer.

Dr. Jones with Dr. Zyn about the need to restrain all patients. They don’t have enough staff to have patients wandering around. Two of their staff left during the previous week. Everyone wants the final product, but they don’t want to be part of the distasteful process. So they are stuck with the work. She wins the argument.

Dr. Zyn is angry as he enters Jane’s room. He tells her that she’s selfish! She needs to snap out of it and wake up. What kind of mother is she? The two girls who have been caring for and protecting her being abused while she’s lying there feeling sorry for herself.

Plans that Failed:

Dr. Jones stands before a screen filled with older women (Leaders of the Old Regime). Dr. Jones doesn’t want to report on her failures, so she pretends that things are going well.

Witnessing the Pain of Others:

Ava is an empathetic teenage patient. As Ava sees tears running down Jane’s face, she takes out a hankie, dries her eyes, and tells Jane that they will take care of her.

Extreme Consequences:

Dr. Jones asks Dr. Zyn if he took the restraints off against her will. He tells her that he wanted to but didn’t. She makes it clear to the staff that Jane is to remain in restraints.

Dr. Jones tells her that those who won’t eat are fed a different way and with what they have on hand.

Create More Loss:

Jane lies in her bed in restraints again. She has shut down and won’t talk. Ava tries to get her to eat, but she won’t.

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment #7

Wendy Weising’s Open Loops and Mysteries

What I learned doing this assignment is that I don’t need to answer all the questions.

Look through your current outline and find opportunities for at least 5 Open Loops and 5 Mysteries either in the plot or about the characters.

Main Mystery: What is the hospital?

Sub-Mysteries: Has anyone escaped the hospital alive?

Sub-Mysteries: Who does Dr. Jones report to?

Sub-Mysteries: Why does Polly spy for Dr. Jones?

Sub-Mysteries: Sub-Mysteries: Why does Dr. Zyn say that he will always love Jane?

Main Open Loop: Who is Jane, really?

Sub-Open Loops: Is Jane hallucinating that she has a family, or is the medical staff lying to her?

Sub-Open Loops: Will Jane and the others escape the hospital and save her kids?

Sub-Open Loops: Why does Dr. Jones hook the tubes up and make Jane drink the brain fluid if she’s a human?

Sub-Open Loops: Will Polly continue to spy for Dr. Jones?

Sub-Open Loops: Will Jane ever fall in love with Dr. Zyn, knowing what she knows about him?

Sub-Open Loops: Why does Dr. Zyn smile when he discovers that Jane is pregnant?

Some of these were already in my outline. Of the ones that I added, it helped explain Dr. Jones’s actions and more about the hospital.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Stacks Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is these characters have minds of their own.

Mystery: Jane’s husband calls her away from her kids and sends her to the mailbox. Then a car that looks just like his hits her. Was it her loving husband?

Act 1 TP: Car hits Jane, and she ends up in a hospital where the doctors tell her she has no family.

Deception: The doctors are lying to the patients about what they are really doing. Why? Because there are four doctors left. Every alien wants the serum, but they don’t want to be part of the mining process. It is distasteful. If the patients knew what they were doing, the patients would revolt. Dr. Jones doesn’t want to report on her failures, so she pretends that things are going well.

Conspiracy: All doctors and nurses will try to stop Jane from entering the DNE room because they don’t want her to find out.

Act 2 TP: Jane enters the Do
Not Enter room and sees doctors cutting into humans’ brains.

Wound: Jane has been so put
down by men that she has no confidence. She even questions whether all of
it is a hallucination or not.
Coping mechanism: When Polly
and Ava need to escape the hospital, Jane pulls it together. Her mothering
skills kick in.

Act 3 TP: Jane finally reads
the note in the book, it says, “Don’t believe them. They’re lying.” Ava
sings, “We’re bustin’ outta here.”

Wound: Dr. Jones watches a
video of her father before his death. He commissions her to find a cure
and be good like her sister. Well she kind of got one of those right.

Coping Mechanism: Polly and Ava
are becoming loyal to Jane, and Dr. Zyn tells Dr. Jones that he will never
love her. She controls everyone so that they can’t leave her alone.

Secret identity: Dr. Jones
hates humans, but she has to partake if she wants to survive. So she does.

Act 4 TP: Dr. Jones makes a
deal with Polly: She becomes her spy or she becomes brain serum. Dr. Jones
is hosting a party. When Ava appears dressed in an evening gown, Dr. Jones
introduces her to a hideous-looking man who takes her hand and leads her
out of the room. Dr. Jones tells Dr. Zyn that she has chosen him as her
mate, and then she announces it to the party.

Accusation: Jane yells at Dr.
Jones that they are not in a hospital. The patients aren’t getting better;
they’re dying.

Conspiracy revealed: Dr. Jones
tells her that it’s an alien facility where they mine human brains of a
chemical. They take this in by partaking of it. Even Dr. Zyn does this. He’s
lying too. She takes Jane into a room where Dr. Zyn is savagely eating a
brain.

Act 5: Jane doesn’t know who to
trust but knows she must escape.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Layers and Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment is that I had way too much talking and telling. I tried to put actions in places where there was talking. I still need to do more of this.

Look through your current outline and find opportunities for Layers and Reveals, either in the plot, situation, or characters.

Jane’s husband

Acts very loving and interested in Jane sexually.

He call’s her my sweet tart.

She shares about a dream that she has where she is a warrior. He laughs hysterically. When she questions him, he says that she couldn’t even hurt a fly and then kisses her.

Encourages her to confront the kids’ coach. When she seems hesitant, he says he’ll take care of it.

He receives a phone call and goes out on the deck so that Jane can’t hear. When he comes in, he seems very happy. He grabs Jane, pushes her against the wall, and begins kissing her. She tells him he’ll be late for work, and he stops. He says, “To be continued, my sweet tart.” He goes out and gets into his gold mustang as Jane watches.

As soon as she gets to the kitchen, he calls her. She grumbles but heads to the mailbox, where she find a note, “Au Revoir, my sweet tart.” Then a gold mustang plows through her.

Rather than tell Jane that she’s not in a real hospital, she needs to run out of the Do Not Enter area, looking for a way out of the hospital. She’s trying doors and pounding on them. She finally finds a small window to the outside world. She wipes the condensation off. It’s dark. She sees men dragging bodies to a pit. These bodies no longer have skullcaps or brains.

Jane sees Dr. Zyn drinking the gelatinous substance.

Dr. Jones tells her that superior species will do what it takes to survive. Even Dr. Zyn partakes.

Polly sees the hideous man take Ava to the bedroom. She comes back with Dr. Zyn, who enters bedroom with apologies and tells man that Dr. Jones is waiting to toast him. He wraps Ava in a sheet and walks her out.

Ava wants to become pregnant so that men won’t want her. She asks Dr. Zyn to do this. He doesn’t want to but is conflicted.

Polly’s hides things in her nest and retrieves them when needed. Finds key on floor while cleaning. Checks it in different doors until she reaches outer door. Doesn’t open it because of alarm, but the key works. She stashes it in nest. Dr. Jones catches Polly by surprise. Begins to question her about where she has found that item. Polly thinks it’s the key, but Dr. Jones thinks it’s a broach. When she snatches it up and wacks Polly, Polly exhales slowly.

When Dr. Zyn enters Jane’s room, he says her name and goes to her bedside. She is asleep. He waits until Dr. Smith is entertaining friends. He ultrasounds Jane’s abdomen. A baby shows up on the screen. He smiles.

Dr. Jones threatens Polly by drawing a bulls-eye on the place where she’ll harvest Polly’s brain.

While in bed with Dr. Zyn, Dr. Jones mentions that she will be taking Polly’s brain soon. Dr. Zyn is upset and objects. Dr. Jones pins him to the bed and tells him she can do anything she wants. She is the god of that world.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Character Story Lines

What I learned doing this assignment is that the my characters have different starting and stopping arcs.

Jane

Beginning: She tries to be the perfect mother, but her kids don’t respect her or listen to her. She tries to be a good wife, but because she hates conflict, her husband has to fight all her battles for her. He talks down to her because he thinks he’s superior to her.

Turning Point: She goes to the mailbox, is hit by a car, and wakes up in a hospital, where the doctors tell her that she has no family.

Midpoint: Ava takes off Jane’s restraints. Jane sneaks off and enters a forbidden area of the hospital. She sees doctors removing parts of patients’ brains.

Turning Point 2: Ava and Polly tell her that they are not in a hospital.

Major conflict: Dr. Jones confirms that they are in a holding facility, waiting to be processed into brain serum. She tells Jane that she does have kids but that they are in another, waiting to be processed. The only way she’s leaving is dead.

End: She decides that she must find a way out of the hospital and save her kids.

Polly

Beginning: She is an extremely intelligent and introverted hoarder who hates change. She is a patient who cleans the hospital. She steals things from Dr. Jones.

Turning Point: Polly gives Ava a key that she has stolen to unlock Jane’s restraints.

Midpoint: After Jane enters the forbidden room, Dr. Jones takes her anger out on Polly and Ava. She tells Polly that she must spy on Jane for her; otherwise she will become brain serum. Polly is terrified.

Turning Point 2: She spies on Jane but continues to steal from Dr. Jones.

Major conflict: She wants to escape her situation, but she doesn’t know if she can leave her hoard and what she has always known.

End: She gives Jane a stolen book, in which she has written, “Don’t believe them. They’re lying.”

Ava

Beginning: Ava is a teenage patient who serves meals and sings.

Turning Point: Even knowing the horrible consequences that she will face, she tells Polly to unlock Jane’s restraints.

Middle: After Jane finds the brain room and shuts down, Dr. Jones takes her anger out on Polly and Ava. She forces Ava to entertain her friends.

Turning Point: A horrible male guest takes Ava into a bedroom for sex.

Main conflict: She wants Jane to escape so that she can go with her, but she is afraid of Dr. Jones.

End: She decides to go with Jane, wherever she goes.

Dr. Zyn

Beginning: Alien doctor in the hospital. He gives more attention to Jane.

Turning Point: Dr. Zyn recognizes Jane when he enters her room. He lies to her to calm her down so that she won’t be a target for Dr. Jones.

Middle: When Jane finds the brain room and shuts down, he wants to help her because he loves her. Dr. Jones finds out and makes him her mate. She threatens to kill Jane if she doesn’t comply.

Turning Point: Dr. Zyn thinks he’s alone when he kisses the sleeping Jane and tells her that he loves her, but Polly is watching.

Main Conflict: After she tells Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones confronts and reminds him of their deal. Dr. Zyn acts like Dr. Jones’s loving mate to protect Jane, but secretly sends gifts to her through Polly.

End: When Polly confides in him that she might escape with Jane, he decides to help, whatever it means for him.

Dr. Jones

Beginning: She is in charge of the hospital and actively cares for patients.

Turning Point: Dr. Zyn approaches her about taking the restraints off Jane, and it infuriates her. She has a rival for the loyalty of the others. She regains control by telling him no.

Middle: When she finds out that the others have been helping Jane, she uses Jane’s finding the brain room as an excuse to force the others to do what she wants.

Turning Point: In her private rooms, Dr. Jones cries. She cannot get their love.

Main conflict: If she cannot win their love and loyalty, she will fight to control them.

End: Even though Dr. Zyn loves Jane, Dr. Jones has him by her side and in her bed.

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment 3

Wendy Weising’s Pilot Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is everything continues to change, which is good. It’s getting better.

Present the first draft of your pilot Acts.

Teaser:

Essence: Jane stands with her
army, overlooking the enemy, and yells charge. They clash with the enemy,
sword to sword. <div>

<div>

Turning Point: Just as Jane
swings her sword, she slaps her husband who was sleeping next to her. He
grabs her arm and yells, waking Jane. When she tells him the dream, he
laughs at her and tells her that he can’t think of anyone less likely to
be a warrior. She can’t even confront their kids.

Act 1:

Essence: Jane tries to be the
perfect wife and mother, but her husband controls her, her kids don’t
listen to her, and she’s afraid to confront the kids’ coach for putting
her kids down. Her husband always ends up fixing things for her, which
makes her feel useless, so she shuts down for a couple of days and then
works harder to be perfect.</div><div>

Turning Point: Dan tells Jane
to check the mailbox for an important letter. When she does, a car that
suspiciously looks like his slams into her.

Act 2:

Essence: Jane wakes up in a
hospital, in restraints. When she begins to scream for her kids, Dr. Zyn
tries to calm her down, and Dr. Jones tells her that she has no kids.
Polly spies on them. After they leave, Polly and Ava scurry into the room.
Polly cleans while Ava presents food. Ava wants to take off the
restraints. Polly isn’t sure but produces a key. Ava frees Jane. </div><div>

Turning Point/Midpoint: Jane waits
until she is alone at night and then sneaks out of the room. She runs down
dark hall after dark hall, trying to find a way out of the hospital. She
sees light coming from under a door and goes through it. Doctors have just
taken the top off a comatose patients’ skull and are cutting out part the
brain. She thinks she sees one of them taste it. Polly and Ava, who have
followed Jane, pull her out of the room. Polly tells Jane, “This isn’t a
hospital. Those aren’t doctors.” Ava says, “There’s only one way patients leave
here—dead.” Just then Dr. Jones appears with two nurses. They drag Jane
back to her room. She doesn’t resist.

Act 3:

Essence: Jane lies in her bed
in restraints again. She has shut down and won’t talk. Dr. Zyn argues with
Dr. Jones about the restraints. He loses. Dr. Jones rails against Ava and
Polly, but when her back is turned, Polly steals a book off her shelf and
winks at Ava. Later, they go to Jane’s room. Ava sings a song about a bird
being poisoned as she strokes Jane’s hair. Polly shushes her and holds up
a book. </div><div>

Turning Point: When Jane
finally reads the note in the book, it says, “Don’t believe them. They’re
lying.” Ava sings, “We’re bustin’ outta here.”

Act 4:

Essence: Jane has snapped out
of her depression and is questioning Polly and Ava about the hospital.
Suddenly, Dr. Jones enters with a group of nurses and shoos Polly and Ava
out of the room. The nurses begin inserting tubes into Jane. She panics.
Dr. Jones tells her they’re just giving her some fluids. They put a mask
over her face and squeeze a bottle of a gray, gelatinous substance through
a hole in the mask. She falls asleep. </div><div>

Turning Point: Dr. Jones makes
a deal with Polly: She becomes her spy or she becomes brain serum. Dr.
Jones is hosting a party. When Ava appears dressed in an evening gown, Dr.
Jones introduces her to a hideous-looking man who takes her hand and leads
her out of the room. Dr. Jones tells Dr. Zyn that she has chosen him as
her mate, and then she announces it to the party.

Act 5:

Essence: Dr. Zyn enters Jane’s
room while she’s sleeping. He strokes her hair, kisses her forehead, and
whispers, “I will always love you.” Polly is watching. She tells Dr. Jones.
Dr. Jones reminds Dr.
Zyn that they will mate that night after dinner and that if he doesn’t
want Jane to mysteriously die, he had better perform well and often. She
has all the tubes and restraints taken off Jane. </div>

Lock In: She asks Jane if there
is anything she wants to know. Jane asks her is what the hospital really
is. She tells Jane the truth: It is a facility where her own alien race
extracts human brain tissue and chemicals for a serum. They need it to
survive. She tells her that she will never be able to escape, and if she
tries again, she next on the brain donner list. Jane won’t want that
because she does have children…in another facility. Jane decides she must
escape.

</div>

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment #2

Wendy Weising’s Amazing Inciting Incident

What I learned doing this assignment is starting at the midpoint really helped me fill in the other blanks quickly.

1. What is the “Inciting Incident” of your series that this pilot needs to deliver powerfully?

Jane is trapped in a hospital where aliens are mining human brains for a serum they need for survival.

2. Give us the main beats of that Inciting Incident:

Intriguing Concept: Jane is
going to escape the hospital, save her kids, and conquer an alien nation.
Act 1: Jane is trying to be the
perfect wife and mother. She is hit by a car and wakes up in a hospital.
Midpoint: Jane sneaks into a
forbidden room and discovers doctors sawing patients skulls open and
extracting brain tissue.
Lock In: Polly and Ava tell Jane
that she isn’t in a hospital but in a facility where aliens are mining
human brains for a serum they need for survival. Dr. Jones tells her that
she’s never getting out alive.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Big Picture Components

What I learned doing this assignment is that things shift. I had to move some of the events forward.

Assignment #1

1. Give us the basic Series Info:

SERIES INFO:

World: An alien planet where
human brains are mined for needed chemicals and its people are being
oppressed.
Main mystery: Who is Jane?
Impossible Goal: Jane must
escape and make things right, not only for her family but also for the
oppressed on the planet.
Main Conflict: The Old Regime
of aliens don’t want change or lose their power. Jane must change
everything to save the people of the planet.
Second Mystery: How will Jane
accomplish her goal when her army has so few people and she doesn’t know
who she can trust.
Season 1 Arc: From patients
trapped in a hospital to fighters living on a new planet.
Season 1 Protagonist Internal
Journey: From a suburban housewife who is afraid of conflict to an alien
fighter who will do anything to rescue her kids.

2. Tell us the basic Pilot Info:

PILOT INFO:

Pilot Conflict: Jane must figure
out what the hospital is, even though the doctors are lying, and escape it.
Characters Introduced: Jane,
Polly, Ava, Dr. Zyn, Dr. Jones, Dan, and other alien doctors and nurses
who are assisting them.
Inciting Incident: Jane sneaks into a forbidden room and
discovers doctors sawing patients skulls open and extracting brain tissue.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

The process has removed tons of fluff. I guess I’m a fluffy person.

What I learned doing this assignment is this is hard stuff. I struggle with being concise.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Episode Titles

What I learned doing this assignment is that I couldn’t just throw a bunch a titles out there and try to sequence them. I had to think before doing it. I think they will continue to change.

Season Titles

Season 1

Death of a Housewife

Season 2

Mother of Lost Children

Season 3

The Survivalist

Season 4

She’s an Alien

Season 5

Warlord

Series Titles

Episode 1

Blindsided

Episode 2

Crazy Smart

Episode 3

The Thornbird Sings

Episode 4

The Terrible Truth

Episode 5

Love’s Bitter Sacrifice

Episode 6

Believe It or Not

Episode 7

The Surgery to Buy Time

Episode 8

Narrow Escape

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is that I can come up with more intriguing ways to write things, even when I think I’ve already done it.

This assignment definitely added more intrigue and fixed some the problems. I also feel that it needs a really good edit.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Intrigue Patterns

What I learned doing this assignment is that I can really do these quickly if I don’t think about what they should be and just let me imagination come up with something.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation

What I learned doing this assignment is a deeper meaning to the show.

Sometimes my characters were doing things, and I didn’t know why. This assignment helped me figure some of the reasons out. I knew that one couple was in love, but now I know their history—it goes further back than I thought. My antagonist became more evil when I found out that she was more involved than I had thought. Some answers came to me where there had been questions. I used all the tools. When I ran out of ideas using one, I tried another tool.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Show Summary

What I learned doing this assignment is that you have to stay very focused to only include intriguing information.

Cerebros

One Hour Sci-Fi Thriller

Jayne, a submissive housewife, is using a cookie cutter to make heart-shaped sandwiches for her kids as they play on their phones. At her husband’s request, she goes to the mailbox, she finds a note that reads, “Goodbye, bitch,” and a speeding car hits her.

She wakes up in a hospital. She is in restraints and has a mask over her mouth. When Dr. Jones opens a hole in the mask, Jayne screams for her husband and kids. Dr. Jones tells her that she has no family and forces a gel-like substance through the hole. Jayne falls asleep and has two disturbing nightmares: Her husband isn’t kind but brutal. She is breaking into houses and kidnapping kids. Polly, who is Dr. Jones’s spy, shows Jayne the words, “Don’t believe them.” Ava sings a song about lies and then confesses that Dr. Jones has turned her into a prostitute, which enrages Jayne. Dr. Zyn and Jayne fall in love, even though Jayne is trying to remain faithful to her husband, and Dr. Zyn has to act like Dr. Jones’s mate to protect Jayne.

When Jayne’s restraints are removed, she enters a room with a “Do Not Enter” sign on it. It is filled with comatose patients and scientists who are removing their brains. Jayne discovers that she is in an alien facility where they are mining human patients’ brains for chemicals, which the aliens need to survive. She does have kids, and they are in another facility.

They all need to escape the hospital, Dr. Jones, and her security guards. But the good doctor has been controlling everyone. Can she trust people who need things they can only get at the hospital from Dr. Jones? Her need to escape forces her to trust these people. She has no other choice.

Jayne agrees to an experiment that Dr. Jones has wanted to perform on her so that her friends can steal a vehicle. It’s really a surgery to remove a fetus—Jayne is pregnant but doesn’t know it. Dr. Jones does.

To get out the bay doors, Jayne, with amazing dexterity, fights and kills the alien guards. When Dr. Jones hold up a container with a living embryo, she asks Jayne, “Did you forget something?” But Dr. Zyn pulls her inside the vehicle, and Polly drives it through the bay doors.

Jayne sees green bands across the sky and asks what has happened to Earth. Dr. Zyn tells her that she is no longer on Earth. Where are they?

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Episode Descriptions

What I learned doing this assignment is if I just followed my episode list, the rest came.

Assignment #5

Episode 1: Accidents Happen

Jayne uses a cookie cutter to make heart-shaped sandwiches as her kids play on their phones. When her husband orders her to check the mailbox for an important letter, she finds a note that reads, “Goodbye, bitch,” and is hit by a speeding car. Jayne wakes up in a weirdly silent hospital. She has restraints on her arms and legs and a strange mask over her mouth, which keeps her from speaking. Jayne panics, thrashes, and knocks over what looks like a cup of blood on her nightstand.

A nurse arrives and forces the blood-like liquid through a hole in Jayne’s mask. She falls asleep and dreams about capturing and kidnapping children. When she awakens the next time, Dr. Zyn is talking in a strange language to his nurse. She has had enough. When Dr. Zyn takes off her mask, she summons the courage to scream for her husband and kids. He tries to calm her, but she won’t have it. She demands to see her kids. Dr. Smith arrives and tells her that she has no husband or kids and then forces her to drink more of the liquid.

Episode 2: Simple Genius

Dr. Jones kills baby Polly’s parents and tells her that she is her new mommy. But Polly cries most of the time and refuses to eat, so Dr. Jones loses interest and neglects her. Dr. Zyn sees Polly lying on the floor and crying and picks her up. He kisses the top of her head. “I will always love you, little one,” he says.

Polly now stands before Dr. Jones, who is reminding her that she is a spy and that a spy had better bring back information or face severe consequences. Polly steals a book while Dr. Smith’s back is turned. Then she does what she must do even though she doesn’t like it. She listens in on a conversation between Dr. Zyn and Jayne, when he tells her that believes her. She files that information away for later.

As Polly cleans Jayne’s room, she notices how upset she is. Even though Polly is extremely introverted, she shows Jayne her book, rifles through it, points to the words, “Don’t believe them.” Then she scurries from the room.

Episode 3: A Thornbird Sings

While serving Jayne breakfast, Ava sings about liars and then begins to cry. When questioned by Jayne, Ava honestly tells this woman who is like her mother about her life.

She was taken from her mother. Dr Smith chose her out of a group of teenagers because of her beautiful voice. When Ava sang, the insomniac Dr. Smith slept. However, when Ava stopped singing, Dr. Smith bribed her with fancy clothes and a beautiful room to sing at the elaborate parties that she threw for her odd friends. Finally getting a chance to be noticed, Ava agreed. At one party, a man lured Ava into a bedroom and closed the door. Awhile later, Ava ran out in tears with a torn dress. Dr. Jones made light of it and gave Ava drugs.

When Jayne hears this story, she is furious. She vows to kill Dr. Jones. When she asks if Ava is now safe, Ava admits that it hasn’t stopped–she is still Dr. Jones’s prostitute.

Episode 4: The Truth Hurts

One day, after giving Jayne her daily antibiotic shot, Dr. Zyn removes Jayne’s restraints and tells her that she can move about the hospital. Dr. Jones pulls him aside and argues with him about undermining her authority. Jayne sneaks out of the room, desperate to find her children. She sees the “Do Not Enter” signs, and for once in her life, this perfect rule follower breaks them and goes in.

Doctors are removing brains from people who are comatose but still alive. Jayne flips out as doctors rush her from the room. Dr. Jones drags her back to her room and tells her that if she does anything like it again, she will keep her in restraints.

Polly has seen the whole thing and goes to get Ava. She leads her to the “Do Not Enter” doors and points. Then she leads her to Jayne’s room. Ava goes to Jayne and puts her arms around her. Jayne wants to know what is going on. Ava tells her that they are in a human brain-mining facility run by aliens.

Episode 5: Love Protects

Dr. Zyn decides to become Jayne’s main caregiver because he is in love with her. As he sits in her room, and she sleeps, he remembers the day that his friend introduced him to his mate, Jayne, whom Dr. Zyn couldn’t take his eyes off. He never acted on those feelings because the Great Death came. His race began to die.

No one knew why, until the brilliant scientist Dr. Jones revealed that her people were missing a chemical in their bodies. Dr. Zyn went to work with her. She felt that humans were similar enough that they might find the needed chemical there. When she found that humans were a match, she sent harvesters to capture humans and bring them to Cerebros. Dr. Zyn could take not more after he witnessed the horrors of her mining methods. He agreed to watch over the patients but not to be part of the mining process.

Now he summons his courage and tells Jayne that he loves her, but she is asleep. He kisses her forehead. Dr. Jones has witnessed the whole event. She tells him that they will mate that night after dinner and that if he doesn’t want Jayne to mysteriously die, he better perform well and often.

Episode 6: Believe It or Not

Jayne tells Polly and Ava that she must escape and save her kids. They encourage her to confide in Dr. Zyn. He is their friend. She doesn’t know if it’s a good idea or not, but she decides to trust and tell him. He tells her that her kids are at a facility about fifty miles away. They agree to escape together.

Polly produces a map drawn from her amazing memory of her travels around the hospital. They know which door to exit, but how will they unlock it? Once they leave, how will they travel those fifty miles? Dr. Zyn knows where the vehicles are, but they are heavily guarded. Jayne decides to agree to an experiment that Dr. Jones has been going on about. That will give the others time to steal a vehicle. Meanwhile, Ava steals extra drugs to take with her, and Dr. Zyn steals more vials of the brain serum to survive.

Dr. Jones knows that something is going to happen. Did Polly tell her? She tells Jayne that she is controlling everyone in her little group. Polly is her spy, Ava is her prostitute, and Dr. Zyn is her mate. They will do anything for her.

Episode 7: The Key

Jayne has scrapped the escape plan and gone into a deep depression. She doesn’t trust anyone. Polly stood up to Dr. Jones and told her she would never spy for her again. Dr. Jones said she was next on the brain-serum donation list. Polly gives Jayne a gold heart from her stash, but Jayne doesn’t respond. Then Polly slides a key into her hand and leaves. Dr. Zyn tells her that she needs to snap out of it, get her butt out of bed, and save her children. He also shares news about Polly standing up to Dr. Smith and the consequences.

Jayne finds a strength she didn’t know she had. She is back in. Everyone packs pillowcases full of stolen supplies. But how will they unlock the door? Jayne pulls out the key compliments or Polly. Jayne grits her teeth and goes to Dr. Smith for the experiment. Dr. Zyn hates this but leads the girls to the garage. Ava steps forward. Polly motions for Dr. Zyn to plug his ears. Ava sings. The security guards drop to the floor. They climb in the nearest vehicle, but there is no key. Polly hotwires it.

Dr. Zyn saves Jayne just after Dr. Jones has finished the experiment, which was really a surgery. He whisks her off. Dr. Jones holds up container with a living embryo taken from Jayne, who was pregnant and didn’t know it.

Episode 8: The Escape

As they are loading the vehicle, Dr. Smith arrives. She lies about experimenting on Jayne’s children. Jayne fights Dr. Jones and almost kills her but stops herself. Dr. Jones tells Jayne that her husband is alive and well on the planet as she reaches for and hits the panic button. More security guards arrive.

Jayne fights them with amazing skill, steals a weapon, and kills them. Dr. Jones laughs and tells her that she is being more like the Jayne she knows. Dr. Jones presses a button that closes the garage door and then locks it. Polly revs the engine. As Dr. Zyn pulls Jayne into the truck, Dr. Jones holds up Jayne’s live embryo and says, “Did you forget something?” But Dr. Zyn pulls her in and closes the door.

Polly floors the vehicle and crashes through the garage door, and the group escapes. Jayne sees green bands across the sky and asks what has happened to Earth. Dr. Zyn tells her that she is no longer on Earth but on Cerebros.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Episode List Rough Draft

What I learned doing this assignment is that the story is coming to life more and more.

Assignment #4

1. Use the Cheat Sheet above to do Step 1–5, answering the questions.

Beginning: After her husband asks her to check the mailbox, Jayne, a perfect wife and mother, finds a note that says, “Goodbye, bitch,” is hit by a speeding car, and wakes up in a strange hospital where they tell her she doesn’t have kids or a husband.

Ending: After finding out that the hospital is a human brain-mining facility and that her kids are being held at another location, she decides to escape and save her kids. When Polly, Ava, Dr. Zyn, and Jayne escape together, Jayne sees red bands across the sky. When she asks what has happened to Earth, the others tells her that she is no longer on Earth but on Celebros.

Mystery

Mystery 1: Jayne wakes up in a hospital looking for her kids and is told she does not have kids. Ava sings a song about liars to Jayne. Polly whispers the words, “Don’t believe them.” Dr. Zyn placates her by saying that he’s sure she is a good mother. Dr. Jones continues to tell her that she has no family and that it’s just a side effect of the daily antibiotic she must take. Jayne notices that most of the patients are comatose and not getting better. She sees areas in the hospital that have “Do Not Enter” signs posted on them. She catches some of the nurses speaking in a strange language.

Mystery 1 Solved: She enters one of the rooms with the “Do Not Enter” sign on it. It is filled with comatose patients and scientists who are removing their brains. Polly and Ava tell her that the hospital is run by aliens, who are mining human brains for a serum that keeps them alive. Dr. Zyn tells her that she does have kids that are located in a different facility.

Mystery 2: Who left the note and hit Jayne?

Mystery 3: How do they escape the hospital? Jayne, Polly, Ava, and Dr. Zyn work together to secretly gather supplies, drugs, and food for the escape. Polly draws a map of the hospital from memory. They determine the best door to escape from. They need a vehicle and a key to get out.

Mystery 3 Solved: Polly is a hoarder. In her stash, she finds the key to the exit door. Jayne agrees to an experiment to buy her friends times to locate a vehicle. Dr. Zyn stops the experiment and saves Jayne. They fight their way through Dr. Jones and security to escape.

3. Journey

Jayne Beginning: Submissive and perfect-looking wife and mother

Jayne Ending: an alien fighting against her own people to save them

4. Layers

Layer: Polly spies for Dr. Jones even though she hates her so that Dr Jones won’t use her brain.

Layer: Ava is a fifteen-year-old prostitute who allows Dr. Jones to pimp her out to her friends. Ava earns drugs that she is addicted to, nice clothes, and a beautiful room for being Dr. Jones’s prostitute.

Layer: Dr. Zyn is in love with Jayne but remains Dr. Jones’s mate even though he hates it. If he keeps Dr. Jones happy, she will not hurt Jayne.

Layer: Dr. Zyn and Dr. Jones (and Jayne) must have a brain chemical only found in humans to survive. They do not tell the patients.

Layer: Dr. Zyn saw the horrors of Dr. Jones’s experiments and surgeries and his race dying when they ran out of the needed chemical.

Layer: Dr. Jones is afraid to be alone. She controls others to keep them from leaving her.

Layer: Dr. Jones hates humans but must rely on them to survive.

Layer: Jayne is really an alien, who hunted and captured humans for Dr. Jones’s experiments.

Layer: Jayne falls in love with Dr. Zyn, even though Dr. Jones tells her that her husband is alive.

Layer: As a baby, Polly was adopted by Dr. Jones, who later tired of and neglected her. Dr. Zyn raised her.

Layer: Polly hoards things to make herself feel safer.

Layer: Ava can change an alien’s minds when she sings.

Layer: Dr. Jones got Ava addicted to drugs.

5. List of major story lines

Line 1: Jayne finding out what the hospital is

Line 2: Jayne, Polly, Ava, and Dr. Zyn escaping

Line 3: Dr. Jones getting Ava addicted to drugs

Line 4: Polly spying for Dr. Jones to keep her brain safe from brain-mining

Line 5: Ava doing anything for drugs

Line 6: Dr. Zyn loving Jayne but having to hide it and pretend to love Dr. Jones to keep Jayne safe

Line 7: Dr. Jones determined to obtain enough brain serum to last until she can find another source

Line 8: Jayne is no longer on Earth

Line 9: Jayne thinks she’s having nightmares when she’s dreaming about real events

2. Episodes

Episode 1: Accidents Happen

Jayne is hit by car and wakes up in weird hospital.

· Jayne’s husband calls and sends her to the mailbox.

· Jayne find note that says, “Goodbye, bitch.”

· A car hits Jayne.

· Jayne wakes up in weird hospital asking about her husband and kids.

· Doctors tell her she has no husband or kids.

Episode 2: The Simple Genius

Polly’s story told

· Polly is a baby when Dr. Jones kills her parents and takes her.

· Dr. Jones tries to raise Polly but neglects her when she tires of her.

· Dr. Zyn cares for her.

· Dr. Jones reminds Polly that she needs to bring her better information or suffer the consequences.

· Polly steals a book from Dr. Jones while her back is turned

· Polly shelves book in her hidden stash.

· Polly listens in on Jayne and Dr. Zyn

· Polly cleans Jayne’s room and notices how upset she is.

· Polly decides to tell Jayne, “Don’t believe them,” and then leaves.

· Dr. Jones questions Polly and berates her.

Episode 3: The Thornbird Sings

Ava’s story told

· While serving Jayne breakfast, Ava sings about liars and then begins to cry.

· When questioned, Ava recalls her life

· She is separated from her mother.

· Dr. Jones listens to Ava’s voice and relaxes.

· Dr. Jones gives beautiful clothes and place to stay to Ava if she will entertain her friends.

· Dr. Jones introduces Ava to her friends.

· Dr. Jones’s friend lures Ava into a nearby room.

· Ava comes out in tears with her dress torn.

· Tells Jayne that she is Dr. Jones’s prostitute.

Episode 4: The Truth Hurts

Jayne finds out that the hospital is a human brain-mining facility run by aliens.

· Dr. Zyn and Dr. Jones have a huge argument about Jayne.

· Dr. Zyn removes Jayne’s restraints.

· She sneaks out of her room and sees the “Do Not Enter” signs.

· She enters.

· Doctors are removing brains from people who are comatose but still alive.

· Jayne is hysterical as the aliens rush her from the room.

· Polly and Ava tell her that they are in human brain-mining facility run by aliens.

· Dr. Zyn shares the history of his people.

Episode 5: Love Protects

Dr. Zyn’s love story told

· Dr. Zyn volunteers to care for Jayne because he is in love with her.

· He remembers the day that his friend introduced him to his mate, Jayne, whom Dr. Zyn couldn’t take his eyes off.

· Dr. Jones sees him kissing Jayne’s forehead.

· Dr. Jones reminds him that they will mate that night after dinner.

· Polly sees that Dr. Zyn is upset and gives him a gold star from her stash.

· When Dr. Zyn arrives home and finds Dr. Jones hitting and verbally abusing Ava, he stops her.

· Dr. Zyn tells Jayne that he loves her, but she doesn’t hear him because she has fallen asleep.

· Polly hears this and tells Dr. Jones.

· Dr. Jones tells Dr. Zyn that she knows he is in love with Jayne, but he had better fully be her mate, or she will kill Jayne.

Episode 6: Believe It or Not

Dr. Jones blocks their escape by telling Jayne that she controls everyone.

· Polly produces a map of the hospital that she has drawn from memory.

· They figure out how to escape, but how will they unlock the exit door?

· Ava steals more of her drugs from Dr. Jones after spiking her drink.

· Dr. Zyn visits the “Do Not Enter” room and steals extra brain serum.

· Dr. Jones knows that something is going to happen. Did Polly tell her?

· Dr. Jones mentions to the group how she is controlling each person.

· Jayne scraps the plans to escape because she doesn’t trust the others.

· Polly refuses to spy for Dr. Jones.

· Dr. Jones tells her that she is going to use Polly’s brain for herself.

Episode 7: The Key

Polly finds the exit key, and Jayne sacrifices herself.

· Dr. Jones tells Jayne she is going to use her in an experiment.

· Polly convinces Jayne that they must leave and what will happen if they don’t.

· The group produces everything that they have stolen.

· Polly rummages in her stash for one more thing—a key to the exit door.

· Jayne agrees to Dr. Jones’s experiment so that the others can steal a vehicle.

· The group finds a vehicle but it won’t start.

· Polly hotwires it.

· Dr. Zyn saves Jayne just after Dr. Jones has begun the experiment.

Episode 8: The Escape

Jayne escapes with friends from the hospital and finds out she is not on Earth anymore.

· Dr. Jones stops the group from leaving.

· She lies about experimenting on Jayne’s kids.

· Jayne fights Dr. Jones and almost kills her.

· Dr. Jones tells Jayne that her husband is alive and well on the planet.

· Security aliens arrive.

· Jayne fights them with amazing skill, steals a weapon, and kills them.

· Dr. Jones laughs and tells her that she is being more like the Jayne she knows.

· Dr. Jones presses a button that closes the garage door and then locks it.

· Polly floors the vehicle and crashes through the garage door.

· Jayne sees green bands across the sky and asks what has happened to Earth.

· Dr. Zyn tells her that she is no longer on Earth but on Celebros.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Five Seasons

What I learned doing this assignment is that my inner perfection was screaming while I was doing this one. I had to block it out and just keep going.

Assignment #3

1. Brainstorm to find the arc of the entire journey, from Season One to Five.

SEASON 1 START:

Jayne is a perfect housewife who wakes up strapped to a bed in a strange hospital, wanting to know where her husband and kids are.

SEASON 5 END

Jayne becomes an alien warlord who conquers her planet and leads her people to a new galaxy where there is a cure to keep them alive.

2. Brainstorm the Stair Step version.

Bigger opponent.

Season 1: Jayne fights Dr. Smith and escapes the hospital.

Season 2: Jayne fights alien scientists at other facilities as she tries to find and save her kids.

Season 3: Jayne fights the strange climate and animals on the new planet to survive.

Season 4: When Jayne finds out that she is an alien, she fights herself and her friends, to regain trust and build an army.

Season 5: Jayne goes to war with her small army against the planet’s leaders, wins, and then leaves for another galaxy to find a cure for her people.

Bigger arena for the fight.

Season 1: hospital

Season 2: facilities where the brain mining is done

Season 3: the wilds of the new planet

Season 4: the cities and government of the new planet

Season 5: Travel to another galaxy

New layer exposed

Season 1: Woman is hit by a car and ends up in hospital that is run by aliens who are mining humans for a brain serum.

Polly is a genius.

Ava is forced to work as a prostitute for Dr. Smith.

Dr. Zyn falls in love with Jayne but acts like Dr. Smith’s mate to protect Jayne.

Dr. Smith is controlling everyone except Jayne.

Season 2: They are no longer on Earth, and Jayne’s kids are in another facility and in danger.

Polly maps the planet from memory and figures out where the facilities might be.

Ava is drug addict who is almost out of drugs.

Dr. Zyn shares his true feelings for Jayne.

Jayne’s “husband” is really a mercenary hired by Dr. Smith to track her and kill her.

Season 3: Her children aren’t the same kids that she remembers. The new planet isn’t like Earth.

Polly has an amazing knowledge of the animals and plants there.

Ava uses her voice to cause the aliens to comply.

Dr. Smith kidnaps Ava.

Season 4: She finds out that she is an alien, who hunted and captured humans for Dr. Smith.

Season 5: She discovers that Dr. Zyn was from a royal family of warriors on his planet. She finds that she already has skills while training with him.

Mystery

Season 1: Who tried to kill Jayne?

Why are the doctors telling her that she doesn’t have a family when she knows she does? Is she insane, or are they lying?

It’s not a real hospital. The doctors and nurses are aliens. The patients are not getting better, but their brains are being mined for a chemical that the aliens need to survive.

Season 2: Jayne’s children aren’t the children she remembers. They know her, but she doesn’t know them.

Jayne has two nightmares: Her husband isn’t kind but brutal. She is breaking into houses and capturing families.

In real life, her husband is brutal. He says something that makes her think he tried to kill her.

Season 3: They are no longer on Earth.

Season 4: Jayne is an alien

Season 5: Another planet has a serum that will keep the aliens alive without hurting humans.

Conflict

Season 1: Jayne vs. Dr. Smith

Season 2: Jayne vs. the aliens at the other facility

Season 3: Jayne vs. the climate and creatures of the new planet

Season 4: Jayne vs. herself and alien leaders.

Season 5: Jayne vs. the alien government’s army

3. For each season, brainstorm the Building Blocks.

Season 1: The Hospital

A. High concept or major hook of the season:

Humans trying to escape a facility run by aliens who need their brain chemicals to survive.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Jayne goes from a trapped patient to a free fighter for her children

C. Main Conflict: Figuring out what the hospital is and how to get out.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: Will Dr. Smith stop Jayne from saving her children? Will Dr. Zyn tell Jayne that he loves her? What happens when Ava runs out of drugs? What happens when Dr. Zyn runs out of human brain serum?

E. Cliffhanger: Jayne escapes the hospital with her friends and discovers that they are no longer on Earth.

Season 2: Facility #4

A. High Concept or major hook of the season.

Jayne and friends try to locate the brain-mining facility where her kids are being held and rescue them.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey:

Jayne goes from a fighter for her children to a killer of aliens.

C. Main Conflict:

Finding the facility where Jayne’s kids are without being caught and killed by the aliens.

D. Mystery/Open Loops:

Will Jayne and her group be able to outrun Dr. Smith and her alien mafia squad? Will Jayne and her friends survive the planet and find a place of safety? Are the kids really her children or another alien lie? Is she really still married to the creep who says he is her husband? Will Ava find her mother in one of the facilities?

E. Cliffhanger: Ava offers herself in trade to Dr. Smith for the release of Jayne’s children. The group leaves as Dr. Smith pulls out the drug.

Season 3: Cerebro

A. High Concept or major hook of the season.

Jayne and the group go into the wilderness of the planet Cerebro, where they must fight off weird wild animals and adapt to the strange climate changes while hiding from aliens.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey:

Jayne goes from a killer of aliens to a wilderness survivalist.

C. Main Conflict:

The group must battle aliens, the elements, strange creatures, and Dr, Smith to survive.

D. Mystery/Open Loops:

Will Jayne being an alien change her relationship with Dr. Zyn? Will Jayne embrace her alienness? Will she be able to gain Polly and Ava’s trust again.

E. Cliffhanger: When they rescue Ava, Dr. Smith tells Jayne that she is an alien who has hunted and captured humans for experimentation. That is why she was on Earth.

Season 4: Alien

A. High Concept or major hook of the season.

Jayne decides to use her alien skills to overthrow the government. But first she needs an army.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey:

From Jayne the alien fighter to Jayne the society magnet

C. Main Conflict:

Fighting her way into society to change aliens’ minds and build an army

D. Mystery/Open Loops:

Will Jayne be true to Dr. Zyn or will she fall in love with someone new? Will Dr. Smith convince other aliens to trap and kill Jayne? Will anyone follow Jayne?

E. Cliffhanger: Jayne learns that a planet exist in another galaxy where serum is being mined from the planet’s trees.

Season 5: Warlord

A. High Concept or major hook of the season.

Jayne amasses and trains her army to take over the planet and find the other planet that has the serum.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey:

Jayne goes from confident and ruthless society leader to warlord who conquers the planet.

C. Main Conflict:

Jayne and her army fight against the old regime’s armies to gain access to spaceships.

D. Mystery/Open Loops:

Will Jayne forget her friends? Will she choose Dr. Zyn as her mate? Will she win the battle? Will she find the planet? Is there really a serum there?

E. Cliffhanger:

The spaceships that Jayne and the rebels have taken land of the new planet. Her ship’s door opens to darkness.

4. Write a description of each season and give us the 5 seasons.

4. Write a description of each season and give us the 5 seasons.

Season 1: The Hospital

When a perfect wife and mother is hit by a car and ends up in a hospital, she is told that she has no husband or children. Soon she discovers that she is in a facility run by aliens who need human brain chemicals to survive. Jayne is told that she has a brain-eating virus, and gets injections once a day. Dr. Smith is running the show and wants to kill Jayne. Jayne’s children are alive but in a different facility. Jayne has nightmares about her husband being evil and about kidnapping and capturing children.

She befriends two patients and an alien. Polly is a genius, who acts simple, hoards anything she can get her hands on, and has been spying for Dr. Smith. Ava is fifteen. Dr. Smith got her addicted to a drug only found at the hospital and pimps her out to her alien friends. Dr. Zyn, Dr. Smith’s chosen mate, falls in love with Jayne but must act like Dr. Smith’s mate so that she will not kill Jayne. The three have nothing to lose, so they decide to escape with Jayne. She picked the right people: Polly has map of the hospital in her head and an exit door key, Ava sings to aliens to make them compliant, and Dr. Zyn know the aliens’ plans. Jayne fights Dr. Smith and wins.

As Jayne steps out, she sees strange bands of color across the sky, and they aren’t from a rainbow. Jayne is no longer on Earth.

Season 2: Facility #4

Ava volunteers her brain so that Dr. Zyn can stay alive. He brought enough antiviral medication to get Jayne through her disease. Dr. Zyn thinks Jayne’s children are in Facility #3.The patients there are almost or already brain dead—the final result of the alien solution. There are no children. They move on to other facilities with horrific sights. Ava finds her mother in the dead pile. When they reach Facility #4, there are children lying comatose in beds with tubes coming out of their bodies. Jayne doesn’t recognize her kids. Where are they?

The facility is invaded by Dr. Smith’s goons. They capture the group and take them to a lovely house. Dr. Smith has a girl in her lap and a boy playing at her feet. She also has a gun. When Jayne enters, both kids call out “Mama.” But Jayne doesn’t recognize them. Is this another alien trick? She decides that they are someone’s kids and will rescue them. When Ava begins to sing, he stuffs cotton in his ears and Jayne’s, and the other aliens begin to smile. They are in a daze. Jayne grabs a weapon and deftly kills three of the goons. Dr. Zyn holds onto the kids. She will only trade for them.

Ava offers herself, and Dr. Smith releases the children. The group leaves as Dr. Smith pulls out the drug.

Season 3: Cerebro

Jayne and the group go into the wilderness of the planet Cerebro. They encounter strange creatures, some of which are good for food. They must convince Polly to donate brain serum to keep Dr. Zyn alive. They survive off large game that is dangerous to hunt. They go through several climate challenges.

Then they find a deserted cabin. Polly stays in the cabin while Dr. Zyn and Jayne hunt. Jayne’s husband, who is really one of Dr. Smith’s hitmen, attacks Polly and tortures her to find out where Jayne is. She says nothing. Finally he gives up and leaves to find them. They return to the cabin and find Polly. She says that she didn’t tell this time. While Dr. Zyn helps Polly, Jayne leaves, hunts her husband down, finds out who he really is, and kills him.

When Jayne returns, they decide to rescue Ava. When they rescue Ava, Dr. Smith tells Jayne that she is an alien who has hunted and captured humans for experimentation. That is why she was on Earth. If she doesn’t believe it, she can ask Dr. Zyn.

Season 4: Alien

At first, Jayne and everyone else is rocked by the news that Jayne is an alien. She confirms it by asking Dr. Zyn. She is angry with herself and Dr. Zyn. Many things fall into place. She wasn’t getting a viral shot but a serum. The kids look strange because they are aliens and not what she remembers. Dr. Zyn tells her that Dr. Smith gives the alien hunters human memories before they go to Earth. He also tells her that the alien body can do things that a human one can’t.

He and Jayne begin to train together. As she learns about the injustices happening on the planet, she wants to change things. They go to the capital city. Jayne steals clothing for them. They blend in. Jayne rubs elbows with the elite. She tries to change their mind about injustice, but most don’t’ listen. One very good-looking male invites her on a date. She goes, crushing Dr. Zyn. She goes to find out more information. He tries to rape her, but she beats him up. When she returns to her friends, they seek out the down and outers of the city. They begin to build an army of the poor and a few of the elite. Jayne tells Dr. Zyn why she went on the date. He confesses his love for her. She isn’t sure.

One of the things Jayne learned is that a planet exists in another galaxy where serum is being mined from the planet’s trees.

Season 5: Warlord

Jayne amasses and trains her army to take over the planet’s old regime. It is the only way they can gain access to spaceships that will take them to the new planet where the serum is being produced. They attack the capital city and kill most of the old regime’s leaders. Jayne sees herself in a mirror. She is covered in blood after killing many of her people. As she sits down and sobs, Dr. Zyn finds her and holds her. He tells her that she did what she had to do. She finally tells him that she has loved him but didn’t want to lose him if their mate relationship didn’t work out. He reassures her that he will always be by her side. They finally kiss.

They find the spaceships and board. One passenger gets on last. No one sees her boarding. Dr. Smith is going too.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Character Descriptions

What I learned doing this assignment is was that even though it was extremely hard to do, it fixed a problem I had with the main character.

Assignment #2

Jayne March

Jayne is a perfect wife and mother. She is terrified of conflict, which causes other people to abuse her, including her husband. She is also fierce, even though she doesn’t know it. She will do anything to keep her kids safe.

At her husband’s request, Jayne goes to their mailbox at the end of the drive to check for a letter. A speeding vehicle plows into her. She wakes up tied down and in a weird hospital where no one speaks. When she screams for her kids, Dr. Smith tells her that she has no kids but has a life-threatening disease that they are treating. That’s why she’s hallucinating. Dr. Zyn placates her by telling her that everything will be OK. He will be there to help her. While serving her food, another patient, Ava, sings about a bird in a cage. Dr. Zyn comes in often and daily administers the medication for her disease. Polly comes in to clean her room. She tells her that the doctors are lying. Jayne wakes up to Dr. Smith and Dr. Zyn having an argument. They stop talking when they she is awake. Dr. Zyn takes the restraints off Jayne.

She escapes her room and heads for a main door out. However, Ava and Polly stop her just before she opens the door. They tell her that she is not in a real hospital. She is in an alien facility where they mine human brains for a serum they need to survive. She is no longer on Earth. The world outside that door will likely kill her.

Polly Doyle

As a baby, Polly was taken from Earth and her parents and raised by Dr. Smith, who neglected her after she got tired of her. Because of this, she has no social skills, must control of her environment, and is an introverted hoarder. She acts like she’s slow when she’s really a genius. Because of her photographic memory, she has a map in her head of the hospital and planet.

She spies on the patients and lies for Dr. Smith so that she will be left out of the brain-mining operations. She does favors to use Dr. Smith’s library. She competes with Ava to get what she wants from Dr. Smith, but she is also Ava’s friend. When Jayne arrives, she and Ava decide to tell her the truth. Polly is so terrified, she can only utter, “They’re lying.” As Jayne talks about escaping, Polly becomes unsettled and hides. When she hears that Dr. Smith will use her brain soon, she decides to leave with Jayne, but Dr. Smith tells everyone that Polly has been her spy, which causes others not to trust her. She begins to hoard supplies and gain Jayne’s trust. Because she knows Dr. Smith’s secrets and the planet, Jayne decides to let her come.

One of the things she finds is a key to the hospital exit’s door. She gives it to Jayne. When Jayne runs for a door out, she blocks her way, and Ava tells Jayne that they are no longer on Earth.

Ava Grace

Ava is a fifteen-year-old who wants to find her mother. Dr. Smith took her from her mom and brought to the hospital. Dr. Smith loves her voice, so Ava is not part of the mining operation. She is a patient who serves food to other patients. She sings her songs to the patients to cheer them.

Dr. Smith gave her a beautiful room, clothes, and food for singing and doing favors for Dr. Smith’s friends. Dr. Smith turned it into a prostitution business. Ava escape her reality by taking a drug that Dr. Smith offers. She is now addicted to a drug that can only be obtained at the hospital. She competes with Polly to get what she wants from Dr. Smith, but she is also Polly’s friend. When Jayne arrives, she and Polly decide to tell her the truth. She sings about a bird in a cage. She trusts Jayne and tells her about the abuse she has been experiencing. Jayne becomes her protector, so when Jayne wants to escape, Ava decides to go with her. She will help in the escape because she can make aliens love her just by singing. She doesn’t tell anyone about her drug addiction. She thinks she can go off the drugs cold turkey. Only Dr. Zyn knows her secret.

When Jayne runs for the exit door, Ava sings her to a stop. Then she tells Jayne what’s really outside that door.

Dr. Zyn

He is Alien doctor at the hospital. He hates violence and cares about humans. He is handsome and friendly.

He saw his own people dying, so he worked with Dr. Smith on a cure, until she started killing people for it. Now he cares for the patients. He and Dr. Smith must have the brain serum, which is only found in humans, to survive. They do not tell patients about it. They are in a matriarchal society, and Dr. Smith has chosen him as her mate. He is kind to Polly and Ava. He gives Polly gifts of extra food and trinkets. He tries to protect Ava from Dr. Smith’s friends by acting as if he wants her.

Then Jayne arrives. He wants to be Jayne’s doctor because he is attracted to her. He begins to fall in love with her but tries not to show it. He constantly competes with the memory of Jayne’s husband. If Dr. Smith finds out that he loves her, she will kill Jayne. Because of this, he continues to act as Dr. Smith’s mate. When Jayne plans to escape, he wants to go. She agrees because she’s falling for him, and he knows what the aliens are up to and how to find her kids. Because Dr. Smith loves him, he can sometimes get her to do what he wants, which will be helpful in obtaining supplies for and the escape itself.

He finds out from Dr. Smith that Jayne is really an alien who was sent to Earth to hunt down and bring back humans for mining. Her memories were programmed to make her believe that she was a wife and mother. He now knows that the daily anti-virus shot he has been giving her is really brain serum. He continues to give her the shots without telling her the truth.

Dr. Smith

She is an alien doctor and top scientist in charge of the hospital. Because of her power, she can do what she wants, not based on the good of others but on her emotions. Everyone hates her. No one chooses her. Her father taught her to get to the top, no matter who has to die while she’s doing it. Her purpose is to keep her race alive by extracting enough brain serum and finding new sources. She does this by enslaving, operate on, and destroy another race.

She took Ava from her mother and bribed her with beautiful clothes and a room. She told her that she would be famous. She is, but not for her singing. She is a prostitute, and Dr. Smith pimps her out to her friends. When Ava fell apart, she gave her drugs to cope. Now Ava is addicted. She took Polly from Earth as a baby. She tried to raise her, but when Polly didn’t turn out to be pretty and thin, she got bored and put her to work cleaning. She is secretly planning on using Polly’s brain for herself, even though she promised that she wouldn’t. She has chosen Dr. Zyn as her mate. He complied as usual.

Jayne was one of Dr. Smith’s hunters. She trained her to capture humans and bring them to the new planet. Jayne was showing signs of empathy, so Dr. Smith had her other hunter, Jayne’s supposed husband, hit her with his car. He then brought her to the new planet. Dr. Smith implanted memories of a husband, family, and life on Earth. She knows that Dr. Zyn loves Jayne. She wants to kill her, but Dr. Zyn will do what she says if she keeps her alive. She and Jayne are mortal enemies. She believes that Polly, Ava, and Dr. Zyn will remain loyal to her; otherwise, she will make them suffer.

When Jayne tries to escape, she carries out her first experiment on her. Jayne loses an eye in the process.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Intriguing Concept and World

What I learned doing this assignment is it’s getting harder to make every word count, but I can do it.

1. Concept

A. A submissive housewife becomes a ruthless fighter of aliens…

B. …when she wakes up in a “hospital” where they are mining humans for brain chemicals…

C. …only to find while trying to escape from a psychopathic scientist and save her family…

D. …that she is an alien too.

2. World

A. A hospital that mines its patients for brain chemicals, eventually destroying their brains…

B. …and a planet filled with new dangers, rules, and places…

C. …experienced by a human who learns she is an alien.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising is ready for feedback!

What I learned doing this process: This was the hardest assignment for me. I tend to be more wordy, so it took me awhile to cut things down. The plot became clearer as I moved through it.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Creating Irony!

What I learned doing this assignment is that when you start on an assignment, you shouldn’t be emotional about it but just do it. If you do it, you have more to work with later.

Lesson #11, Assignment #1

Wendy Weising

Lost

Kate, a criminal, is given the gun to for safekeeping.

Sahid, the expert interrogator, is captured and interrogated.

Locke was in a wheelchair before the plane crash. Now he is a tracker, hunter, and outdoors man.

Jack’s father says that he sacrificed his relationship with Jack to make him a better surgeon.

Boone, the young heartthrob, used to work for his mother who was a wedding mogul.

Sawyer, the bad boy, gives Hurley the plane’s manifest just for asking nicely.

There are polar bears living on a tropical island.

Charlie’s band just got a contract to go on a bigger tour. Charlie cancels it to save his brother from drugs. Then Charlie becomes a drug addict.

Sun wants to marry Jin because he is a good man. However, in order to marry her, he has to work for her father, which means he has to do unethical things, and it makes him a bad man whom she wants to leave.

When he was a boy, Sawyer was hurt by a man named Sawyer. Now he hurts others and calls himself Sawyer.

Lesson #11, Assignment #2

1. Jayne, a mother who hates conflict, goes to war to find and save her kids.

2. Polly acts like she’s simple, but she’s really a genius.

3. Jayne hates the aliens but falls in love with one.

4. Dr. Smith mines human beings’ brains for a needed serum but takes in a human baby and raises her.

5. Dr. Zyn must remain Dr. Smith’s lover to keep her from experimenting on the woman he really loves—Jayne.

6. Jayne’s loving husband lures her out into the street and then hits her with his car.

7. A hospital exists where the patients don’t get better but they get mined for alien brain serum.

8. Ava entertains Dr. Smith’s friends to keep getting the drugs that Dr. Smith got her hooked on in the first place.

9. Dr. Smith hates human beings, treats them like animals, but must have them to survive.

10. When Jayne listens to Dr. Zyn describe his race dying, she is really listening to the story of her own race—she too is an alien.

11. Ava believes that she has a mother out there when in fact, her mother is right beside her (Jayne).

12. Dr. Zyn, who is from a royal family, is taking orders from a scientist.

13. Polly must be Dr. Smith’s spy if she doesn’t want her brain used for the serum.

14. Dr. Smith must harm human beings to save her own race.

15. Jayne decides to escape from the hospital with people who need things from the hospital to survive.

16. Jayne who is on the human side of the spectrum is flipped to the alien side when she is told that she is one.

17. Dr. Smith tries to control everyone because she doesn’t want to be alone. But because she is so mean, everyone leaves her.

18. Polly informs on the other patients, but when she is tied up and tortured, she gives away no information.

19. Dr. Smith loves Ava’s voice, yet the more her friends about Ava, the less she sings.

20. Dr. Smith allows Polly to take little objects from the hospital. One of those objects is a key that will get them out of it.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Plot and Character Layers

What I learned doing this assignment was that it is difficult to get down to the bottom layer.

Lesson #10, Assignment #1

Wendy Weising

Lost

Character Layers

Surface: Claire is a pregnant woman who has survived a plane crash.

Layer 1: She is on a strange island.

Layer 2: She begins to have nightmares about someone taking the baby. In the dream, Locke tells her that the baby was her responsibility and that now everyone would have to pay for her mistake.

Layer 3: The next night, she believes that someone attacked her and tried to stick a needle in her belly, where the baby is.

Layer 2: She remembers that back in Australia, she made plans with her boyfriend to move in together after she became pregnant. He then broke up with and rejected her.

Layer 3: She also remembers that meets a psychic who at first, won’t tell her what he sees in her future. When she comes back a second time, he tells her that she must raise the child and that only her goodness can protect the child. When she won’t listen to him and wants to put the baby up for adoption, he tells her that he knows a couple who could take the baby and raise it well, but she must fly out the next day to LA. She goes, but there is no couple. On her way back, the plane crash happens.

Layer 4: As she and Charlie talk this through, she comes to the conclusion that the psychic purposely put her on the flight because he knew it would crash.

Layer 5: When Claire has contractions, Charlie finds Ethan and tells him to get Jack. Then Claire feels better and they begin to walk back. They run into Ethan, who has brought Jack back.

Plot layers

Layer 1: Plane broke in two pieces-one section landed on the beach, and the other landed somewhere else on the island.

Layer 2: Beach survivors wonder if the other group has survived.

Layer 3: They find a distress call recording that has been sending out the message for many years.

Layer 4: Sahid finds a cable that goes from the ocean to the woods. He becomes trapped in a snare. A French woman, who is the recorder of the message, mentions “the others.”

Layer 5: Claire thinks she is attacked and remembers that she must protect the baby from evil.

Layer 6: This causes Hurley to take a census. Boone points out that all he needs it the manifest. He somehow gets it from the pack rat, Sawyer. He talks to people and checks off their names on the manifest. There is one person who was not on their plane: Ethan.

Layer 7: Not knowing about Hurley’s discovery, Claire and Charlie come to the conclusion that she was put on that plane on purpose so that she would end up on the island.

Layer 8: When Claire has contractions, Charlie sends Ethan to get Jack. When her contractions stop, they meet Ethan coming back. Charlie asks Ethan where Jack is. The episode ends.

Lesson #10, Assignment #2

1. Brainstorm a list of possible PLOT layers.

PLOT LAYERS

When Jayne’s husband calls her and asks her to check the mailbox, a large truck runs over her.

She wakes up in a hospital with other patients. She wants to know where her husband and kids are. She is told that she doesn’t have a husband or children.

Jayne meets Polly and Ava. Polly is a spy for Dr. Smith. Ava is giving her body to Dr. Smith’s friends to be given drugs that she is addicted to.

Jayne and Dr. Zyn fall in love.

They decide to escape the hospital.

It’s not really a hospital, and they are no longer on Earth.

Aliens destroyed the earth five years earlier and brought humans to a different planet where they are mining their brains for a serum that they need to stay alive.

They escape.

Dr. Smith sends her henchman after them—Jayne’s husband. He hints at her not being what she thinks.

They find Jayne’s children.

Dr. Zyn knows that Jayne is an alien but has kept it from her. He finally reveals this.

2. Brainstorm a list of possible CHARACTER layers.

Jayne March

Plot Surface: Jayne is a housewife and a mother who is afraid to stand up for herself.

Layer 1: When she wakes up as a patient, Dr. Smith and Dr. Zyn are there. She tells them that she needs to find her children. They tell her that she has no children. She continues to believe that her kids are out there somewhere and vocalizes her belief regardless of the painful things that Dr. Smith does to her to “help her come to her senses.” Dr. Zyn tells her that he is treating her for a rare bacteria, which he does with daily shots.

Layer 2: She becomes stronger when she meets two other patients who tell her that the doctors are lying. She is not going crazy.

Layer 3: Jayne develops feelings for Dr. Zyn, who is very kind to her, but she feels bad that she isn’t being faithful to her husband.

Layer 4: Jayne begins having nightmares that her husband was abusive to her and her kids, which seems strange to her. She also dreams about being hit by a car. She tries to remember if she saw the person who was driving the car that hit her. Dr. Zyn tells her that they are only dreams and that they cannot hurt her.

Layer 5: After Polly and Ava reveals that the hospital staff are aliens who are mining human brains for chemicals that they must have to survive, Jayne recoils from Dr. Zyn’s affection. She doesn’t trust him now. She also strikes back at Dr. Smith, who has been so abusive to her. She stands up for the others.

Layer 6: Jayne decides to escape. She tells Polly and Ava, and they want to go with her.

Layer 7: Jayne’s hidden talents come out. She is good at repairing things, picking locks, and killing aliens.

Layer 8: Jayne is still attracted to Dr. Zyn. He tells her his story and that he has opposed what his race is doing. She invites him to escape with them, not thinking about the consequences of him not having the chemical.

Layer 9: Dr. Smith reveals that Polly has been her spy, that Ava is addicted to drugs that she can only get at the hospital, and that Dr. Zyn is her mate. This sends Jayne into a depression. She doesn’t know who she can trust. Dr. Zyn still cares for her and gives her he daily shot.

Layer 10: When her friends gather supplies for the escape, she decides to take a chance. What is left for her to lose? She makes the decision to offer herself as an experiment so that her friends can steal a vehicle. Just before that experiment, Dr. Zyn intervenes. That’s not enough for Jayne. She beats Dr. Smith up in an expert way. As the doctor lies there, she tells Jayne that her husband is alive and well and such a lovely man too. Dr. Zyn rushes her away to the vehicle.

Layer 11: Jayne is conflicted over this information. She pulls away from Dr. Zyn. He continues to give her a daily shot.

Layer 12: As they travel, Jayne is told that the earth has been destroyed. There is no going back. She curls into a ball in the vehicle. Dr. Zyn tries to comfort her, but she just wants to know why. He tells her the story of his people dying. She hasn’t been paying attention. She asks how he has been surviving without the brain chemical. He says he is dying. She realizes what he has sacrificed for her. They kiss.

Layer 13: Jayne decides to let Dr. Zyn take some of her brain chemical every few days to stay alive. Ava agrees to it too. Polly just can’t get past the idea. Dr. Zyn agrees to Ava’s but not to Jayne’s. He says that Ava can replenish hers more easily.

Layer 14: When Dr. Zyn and Jayne go hunting, Jayne sees her husband. He escaped as well. He assumes that she will go with him to find their kids, but she is hesitant because of the dreams. When he grabs her arm, drags her off with him, and says, “Shut up, bitch.” She realizes that he was at the wheel of the car. She begins to scream. She knows it was him. She surprises him by kneeing him in the balls and then running back to her group. Dr. Zyn wants to go after him, but the women tell him they need to leave. They escape.

Layer 14: When she finds her kids, they don’t look quite right but they act as if they know her. So they take them along.

Layer 16: They encounter her husband again. When Dr. Zyn pins him to the ground, her husband asks her if she feels different. Maybe she should ask the alien who she really is.

Layer 17: Dr. Zyn confesses that she is really an alien. She had no life on Earth. She does have children, but her mate died. She is in shock. She must now face the universe on the opposite side. She questions Dr. Zyn about how she is able to function without the brain serum. He mentions that the antibiotics aren’t really antibiotics but the serum.

Polly Doyle

Character Surface: Polly is a patient at the hospital who doesn’t speak much.

Layer 1: She cleans the rooms, where she hears and sees things that others can’t.

Layer 2: She takes things that she finds lying around. She is a packrat and has her stash in a hard to see cupboard. She is highly intelligent and constantly writes equation on a blackboard that she keeps with her.

Layer 3: She has made a deal with Dr. Smith. She will report what she sees and hears, and Dr. Smith won’t use her brain for the serum.

Layer 4: Polly goes into Dr. Smith’s private rooms. She enters a huge library and begins to browse. She stuffs several books in her bag. Dr. Smith enters and greets her warmly, and they begin to talk about books. Polly is reminded that she gets books for her loyalty.

Layer 5: Dr. Smith took Polly as a baby and raised her as her own. But when she saw that Polly isn’t a pretty adult the way that she was a pretty child, she puts her to work in the hospital. Dr. Smith treats her kindly

Layer 6: Dr. Zyn finds out that Dr. Smith’s kindness isn’t really kindness at all. He tells Polly that she has kept Polly for herself. She wants to mine Polly’s brain serum because she believes it will make her even more intelligent. This will happen soon. This causes Polly to join the escape.

Layer 7: Dr. Smith reveals to Jayne that Polly has been her spy. This causes Polly to pace and nervously write on her chalkboard.

Layer 8: Polly knows every nook and cranny of the hospital. She knows the planet too. She creates elaborate maps for the escape and gives them to Jayne. Jayne decides to take her with them.

Layer 9: Polly clobbers Jayne’s husband with a cast-iron skillet.

Layer 10: Polly finds out that Jayne is one of the aliens. She leaves the group and finds a cabin in the woods. Jayne’s husband arrives and humiliates her. He then ties her up and tortures her to find Jayne’s whereabouts, but Polly says nothing.

Layer 11: When the group arrives at the cabin after following Polly, Polly is alone, muttering to herself. They set her free. She immediately goes to her chalkboard and writes, “I said nothing.”

Ava Grace

Character Surface: A flighty teenage patient who sings much of the time.

Layer 1: She works in the hospital food service. She encourages the patients to have hope.

Layer 2: Dr. Smith is using Ava to please her friends. She sings for them but also disappears into rooms with them. She is Dr. Smith’s caged bird.

Layer 3: Dr. Smith bought her when she heard her voice. If she sings and pleasures Dr. Smith’s friends, Dr. Smith not only will her brain not used for serum but she is also given beautiful clothes and a room. Most importantly, she will always have a supply of drugs.

Layer 4: One of Dr. Smith’s alien friends is too rough with Ava. She ends up with bruises. When Jayne sees her bruises, she tells her she has to leave with her. She agrees.

Layer 5: Ava reveals that her mother might be out there.

Layer 6: Ava makes a deal with Dr. Zyn. She will supply him with brain serum, and he will give her the drugs that he has left.

Layer 6: When she finds out that Jayne is an alien, she throws up. She thought she was escaping, but who was she escaping with? Another alien. She tells Jayne about the abuse.

Dr. Zyn

Plot Surface: He is a kind doctor at the hospital.

Layer 1: He is Dr. Smith’s mate. She picked him in that matriarchal society. They live together.

Layer 2: When Jayne arrives and he begins to take care of her, he falls in love with her.

Layer 3: He protects Jayne from Dr. Smith’s experimentation by continuing to be Dr. Smith’s lover.

Layer 4: He hates Dr. Smith and all that she stands for, but he keeps silent.

Layer 5: He helps Ava after she is beat up.

Layer 6: Polly gives him some of her strange treasures when she sees him.

Layer 7: When he finds out that Polly will be mined for serum, he tells her and Ava.

Layer 8: He moves out of Dr. Smith’s quarters and helps Polly and Ava procure supplies for the escape.

Layer 9: He knows that Jayne is really an alien but doesn’t tell her. He uses the last of the serum on her.

Layer 10: When Jayne and Ava volunteer their serum, he knows that he cannot take it from Jayne. So he makes up an excuse.

Layer 11: He knows that Jayne’s “husband” is really an alien who works for Dr. Smith. She has sent him to track them and kill Jayne.

Layer 12: After Jayne’s husband declares that she should ask him, he tells them the truth—that Jayne is an alien and that all her memories were implanted.

Layer 13: He reveals that he is from a royal family on another planet.

Dr. Smith

Surface: She is the lead doctor at the hospital.

Layer 1: She experiments on the patients “to make them better,” only they don’t get better, they die.

Layer 2: She loves opulence and power.

Layer 3: She has chosen Dr. Zyn as her mate because he is from a royal family. She knows that her work is distasteful to him, so she shares that she watched her family die and everyone else. Being a scientist, she came up with a solution.

Layer 4: She tries to mother Polly but can’t stand her.

Layer 5: She loves Ava’s voice. She uses her as a centerpiece that all her friends can admire and congratulate Dr. Smith on her find.

Layer 6: She hates Jayne because she is jealous of her relationship with Dr. Zyn.

Layer 7: Basically, she hates all humans and uses them.

Layer 8: She continues to keep Polly close because she wants to know what’s going on in the hospital and what Dr. Zyn is doing. She also plans on putting Polly into a comatose state and mine her brain for a serum that she feels will complete her by making her smarter.

Layer 9: When she finds out that the group is going to escape, she shares horrible things about them.

Layer 10: When Jayne agrees to an experiment, she tries to find out what is going on. Polly tells her that Jayne is depressed. Once she has Jayne tied down, she tells her that she’ll do the experiment without painkillers.

Layer 11: When Dr. Zyn arrives to save Jayne, she waits until they begin to leave and then attacks Jayne.

Layer 10: When they leave anyway, she cries. Then she picks herself up and has Ava’s husband, her mercenary, go after them. She wants Jayne dead.

3. Organize them each into a possible sequence of reveals.

The doctors are lying to Jayne.

Ava has a beautiful voice that calms the aliens.

Dr. Zyn is in love with Jayne.

Jayne has feelings for Dr. Zyn, but she is conflicted about being unfaithful to her husband.

Jayne isn’t in a hospital. She is in an alien holding facility. They are mining the patients’ brains for a serum they need to survive.

Dr. Zyn is from a royal family on another planet. He stays with Dr. Smith so that she won’t kill Jayne.

Dr. Smith really hates humans. She reveals what happened on her planet that made her find the serum.

Dr. Smith took Polly as a baby. She tried to mother Polly but couldn’t stand her. She is a genius.

Dr. Smith is pimping Ava out in return for drugs.

Dr. Smith reveals that Polly has been her spy, that Ava works for her as a whore, and that Dr. Zyn is her mate.

Dr. Zyn reveals that Dr. Smith has kept Polly safe so that she could use Polly’s serum herself.

Dr. Smith tells Jayne that her husband is alive and well.

The earth has been destroyed.

Dr. Zyn is dying because he has given the serum to Jayne so that she can survive.

When Ava runs out of the drugs from the hospital, Jayne finds out that Dr. Smith got her addicted to them.

Ava reveals that she has a mother out there.

When Jayne finally meets her husband, he is abusive. He says something that causes her to realize that he is the one who hit her with the truck.

Dr. Zyn tells Jayne that she is really an alien.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Big Picture Open Loops

What I learned doing this assignment was that there are many questions you can ask that will make your characters world deeper, richer, and more interesting.

Lesson #9, Assignment #1

Wendy Weising

Lost

Will Jack and Kate ever become a couple?

Will the survivors ever be rescued?

What is the island?

Where is the island?

What is the creature in the woods?

Is Jack’s father really alive or a hallucination?

Will Kate ever reveal what she did that made her a convict?

Where are the people who were in the tail of the plane? Did they survive? Where are they?

Does the island control the things that happen?

Who left the distress call recording that has been playing for several years? Answered in episode 9: Sahid finds a cable that goes from the beach to the woods. He gets trapped by a woman. She turns out to be the one who recorded the message. She came to the island on a ship. She keeps mentioning the others. Who are the others? She says she can hear voices. Sahid escapes, and while in the woods, he hears the voices too. Who is talking?

Lesson #9, Assignment #2

1. Use this list to brainstorm big picture open loops for your first season that you will use to keep the audience captivated.

Is Jayne insane or is she being lied to?

Will Jayne, Polly, Ava, and Dr. Zyn escape the hospital?

Will Jayne and Dr. Zyn fall in love? What happens when they do? (Alien/human)

Will Jayne find her kids and husband?

If Jayne’s husband is alive, will she leave him for Dr. Zyn?

Will Polly tell Dr. Smith about their escape? Who will she be loyal to?

Once they leave the hospital, how will Dr. Zyn survive without the human brain chemical?

Once they leave the hospital, what will happen to Ava when her drugs are gone?

Will Polly return to what is familiar if things become too strange and hard?

Will Ava find her mother?

Will Dr. Zyn continue to work for Dr. Smith or break from her?

Has the earth really been destroyed or is it another alien lie?

What secrets does Polly know about the hospital, planet, and aliens? Will she tell the others?

Will Dr. Zyn tell the truth or will he lie to get what he wants?

Once Jayne finds her kids, will they be alive and not brain dead?

When Jayne agrees to allow Dr. Smith to experiment on her so that others can steal a vehicle, will Dr. Smith kill her, or will Jayne stop her and escape?

Will they be able to get enough supplies and a vehicle to leave the hospital?

How will Jayne get the others to help her escape?

What will Dr. Smith do once her mate and patients have escaped?

Who hit Jayne while she was on Earth? Was it her husband?

2. Tell us your top 5-8 Big Picture Open Loops that could be in your pilot.

Who hit Jayne while she was on Earth? Was it her husband?

Is Jayne insane or is she being lied to?

Will Jayne, Polly, Ava, and Dr. Zyn escape the hospital?

Will Jayne and Dr. Zyn fall in love? What happens when they do? (Alien/human)

Will Polly tell Dr. Smith about their escape? Who will she be loyal to?

How will Dr. Zyn and Ava survive without the substances they must take?

Has the earth really been destroyed or is it another alien lie?\

What will Dr. Smith do once her mate and patients have escaped?

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Show Mysteries

What I learned doing this assignment is that the more assignments I do, the more the plot is filled in.

Lesson #8, Assignment #1

Wendy Weising

Lost

The Shocking Events

A plane crashes on an island

Before pilot dies, he says that they are hundreds of miles off course, so no one knows how to find them.

They kill a polar bear on the tropical island.

They hear something big and ominous in the woods. It’s tearing down tries, and it ate the pilot.

Someone knocks Sayid out just as he has gotten a signal on the transceiver

Sahid tortures Sawyer to get needed medication from his stash.

Over Time Mysteries

Why is Sawyer so mean to everyone, and why does he push everyone away?

Revealed in Episode 8: His mother slept with another man, and as a result, his entire family died except for him. The man’s name was Sawyer. In his hunt for Sawyer, he has become him.

A recording is playing somewhere on the island of a distress call. It has been playing for years. Who recorded it? Where is this person?

What is the creature that thunders through the woods? What does it look like? What does it want? Where does it live on the island?

Are there other people on the island? The people in the tail section of the plane landed somewhere else. Where are they? Did they survive? Was the smoke from their section of the plane? Has someone else been living on the island?

Locke was a paraplegic man before the plane crash. After the crash, he stood up, and he has been walking ever since then.

What did Kate do that made her a convict?

Why is Jin so jealous? Why was Sun going to leave him?

Why is a polar bear on a tropical island? Are there other weird animals or even people on the island?

Why does Jack keep seeing his father on the island? His father was on the plane, but he was dead in a coffin. The coffin was empty. Does this mean his father is alive? If the island can heal a man’s legs, can it also bring someone back to life?

Lesson #8, Assignment #2

1. Shocking Event Mystery

A. Shocking Event: Jayne is on speakerphone with her husband. They make plans to leave kids with grandparents and drive down the coast in his new convertible. He asks her to check the mail box at the end of the driveway. She opens the mailbox to find a note that says, “Goodbye, Bitch.” Just then, a yellow convertible Mustang plows into her, and everything does dark.

B. Secret: Who was driving the mustang? Why did they want to kill her?

C. Investigation: The audience will wonder if her husband was involved. They will wonder why he might kill her.

What: A car hits Jayne in front of her mailbox.

When: On an ordinary day in the present

Where: In front of their mailbox

Part Withheld:

Who: Jayne’s husband is driving the car

Why: He is a bully and is afraid that she is getting ready to leave him and take the kids with her.

How: He lures her into the street and hits her while going fast.

2. Over Time Mystery

A. Cover up: Jayne wakes up in a hospital. Being worried about her kids, she asks about them. She is told by the medical staff that she doesn’t have a family, that she’s single, and that she tried to end her own life.

B. Secret: The hospital is not a human one. The staff are aliens. The patients are not getting better, but their brains are being mined for a chemical that the aliens need to survive.

C. Reveals: Two patients begin to reveal that the hospital isn’t real and that they are no longer on Earth. They tell her that the staff are aliens who look like humans but that they are taking chemicals out of living patients’ brains to consume and survive. They confirm that the staff is lying to her. Her memories are true. They think that the children are being kept in another facility. Jayne decides to escape the hospital and go to find them.

What: Jayne wakes up in a hospital and is told that her memories aren’t correct. She isn’t who she thinks she is. Some of the patients have been there awhile but are in comas. There is no way out of the hospital.

When: Five years after Jayne’s accident. She has been in a coma that long.

Part Withheld:

Who: The aliens created the facility that looks like a hospital.

Where: They are on the planet Kine.

How: The aliens took over Earth, abducted most of the human race,and placed them in facilities where they could mine the chemical from their brains.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Show Empathy/Distress

What I learned doing this assignment is that you can always find more layers of intrigue, even when you don’t think there are any left to find.

Lesson #7, Assignment #1

Wendy Weising

Lost

D=detail-oriented empathy/distress

BP=Big-picture-oriented empathy/distress

A. Undeserved Misfortune

Charlie started Driveshaft but his brother got all the glory and wanted to take over the band. (BP)

Jack’s mother blamed him for his father leaving and wants him to find his father, even though it wasn’t his fault. (BP)

When Locke was in a wheelchair, his dreams of going outback in Australia were crushed by everyone who said that he couldn’t do it or wouldn’t let him do it. (BP)

B. External Character Conflicts

Charlie saves his brother by canceling their band’s tour, but he becomes addicted to the same drugs. He is in a place where he will run out of drugs. He begins to go through withdrawals. (BP)

Sawyer pushes everyone away by acting unkind. (BP)

Sawyer doesn’t tell Kate about Jack being in a cave in. Kate is livid with him when she finds out. (D)

Kate pushes Jack away when she’s really falling in love with him because of the criminal things she has done. She’s trying to protect Jack. (BP)

Jin wants to marry Sun so badly that he agrees to work for her father. However, the longer he works for him, the more it changes Jin in a bad way. This causes Sun to want to leave him. (BP)

Michael wasn’t part of his son’s life much until they crashed. Now he’s trying, but he doesn’t know how to do it. (BP)

C. Plot Intruding on Life

Sahid keeps trying to get the transceiver working. First it breaks. Sahid repairs it and has a plan. He works with two other so that they can triangulate the signal. Everyone is in position and ready when someone sneaks up, bashes him on the head, and knocks him out. (BP)

Jack brings everyone that he can to the caves because he thinks that it will be safer there, but then there is a cave in, and he is in it. (D)

D. Moral Dilemmas

Sun tries to leave her husband while they are in the airport, but she can’t make herself do it. (BP)

Kate ends up surviving an airplane crash, along with her captor. However, he is severely injured. She doesn’t want him to be in pain but also doesn’t want anyone to find out about being a convict. She ends up giving a gun to Sawyer, who puts the man out of his misery. (BP)

Sawyer likes Kate but knows she likes Jack. He is supposed to tell her that Jack is trapped in a cave in, but he doesn’t tell her until later, when it slips out accidentally. (D)

E. Forced Decisions

Kate would never sew a person’s wound up. Jack tells her that he can’t do it alone. So she does it. (D)

Because Locke can now walk, he thrusts himself into the wild unknown and danger. (BP)

Charlie would have been on drugs until he died, but when he ends up on the island with a limited supply of drugs and Locke finds out, he allows Locke to his drug while he goes through withdrawals until he is strong enough to throw it in the fire. (BP)

Because everyone tells Charlie that he can do it, Charlie goes in to save Jack from the cave in. (BP)

Jenn would never do anything, but she finally agrees when she is desperately needed. (D)

Lesson #7, Assignment #2

Jayne March

A. Undeserved Misfortune

Taken by aliens to another planet where they are mining human brains for a chemical they must have to survive.

B. External Character Conflicts

Intentional

Dr. Smith and Jayne are enemies who will use, lie to, and kill each other if given a chance. They hate each other.

Unintentional

When Jayne speaks with hatred about the alien, Dr. Smith, it hurts her friend, Dr. Zyn, who is also an alien.

C. Plot Intruding on Life

When Jayne first wakes up in the hospital, no one will believe her when she says her name and asks for her kids. They tell her that she must be hallucinating.

She discovers that she is not only in a fake hospital but also on a different planet. They tell her that Earth has been destroyed.

When Jayne, Polly, Ava, and Dr. Zyn are finally ready to escape, Dr. Smith mentions to Jayne that Ava is addicted to a drug only produced at the hospital, Polly has been reporting everything they do to Dr. Smith, and Dr. Zyn is her mate.

D. Moral Dilemmas

Jayne is falling in love with Dr. Zyn, but he is an alien from the race that has been mining human brains, and she is already married. She decides to love and trust him.

She tells Polly that Dr. Smith has scheduled her first surgery, which is a lie, to get her to leave with them.

She decides to take Ava, if she is willing to detox with Dr. Zyn.

She decides to take Polly. She needs her brain and knowledge of the planet too much to leave her behind.

E. Forced Decisions

Dr. Smith has wanted to do an experiment on Jayne, but Dr. Zyn has stopped her. The only way that they can escape is if Jayne pretends to agree to the experiment. This will give her friends time to steal a vehicle. She will have to stand up to Dr. Smith and possibly fight her to the death.

She must also trust her friends, who have not been all that trustworthy, with the life of herself and her children.

Polly Doyle

A. Undeserved Misfortune

When Polly is a baby, Dr. Smith kills her family on Earth, takes her to the new planet, and raises her like a pet. When Polly grew out of cute, Dr. Smith sent her to the brain-mining hospital.

B. External Character Conflicts

Intentional:

She outwardly grovels before Dr. Smith while stealing her books.

She spies for Dr. Smith even though she hates her so that she doesn’t have to be part of the brain-mining operation.

Unintentional

She hurts Jayne by reporting on her.

C. Plot Intruding on Life

Polly is forced to be Dr. Smith’s spy in the hospital.

She feels safe in the hospital, but Jayne is asking her to leave with her.

She wants to bring her books, but Jayne says that she can only bring one.

D. Moral Dilemmas

Helping Dr. Smith to be protected.

Lying to Jayne.

E. Forced Decisions

She decides to leave the hospital when she finds out that Dr. Smith has schedule her for a surgical experiment.

Ava Grace

A. Undeserved Misfortune

Ava was taken from her mother on Earth and brought to the hospital.

She was raped by one of the aliens.

B. External Character Conflicts

Intentional

She hates Dr. Smith but must sing and entertain her guests, who like to touch her.

Unintentional

She started taking a drug that Dr. Smith told her would help her relax. Now she is addicted to it. She will do anything for it.

C. Plot Intruding on Life

She wants to find her mother, but if she leaves the hospital, she can no longer get the drug.

D. Moral Dilemmas

She hates being dependent on Dr. Smith and having to “entertain” her guests, but she needs the drug. She decides to leave with Jayne. She pretends to detox while packing as much of the drug as she can to take with them.

E. Forced Decisions

Using her voice and body to get drugs.

Eventual detox when the drug runs out so that she can find her mother

Dr. Zyn

A. Undeserved Misfortune

Dr. Smith chooses him for a mate. She has him assist her in her experiments.

B. External Character Conflicts

Intentional

He argues with Dr. Smith regarding the ethics of what they are doing.

He loves Jayne but they frequently confront each other.

Unintentional

Sometimes he hurts Jayne’s feelings when they argue.

Dr. Smith takes out her anger at Dr. Zyn on the patients

C. Plot Intruding on Life

He falls in love with Jayne but finds out that she is going to escape.

Dr. Smith decides to move him to another facility.

D. Moral Dilemmas

He is in love with a human. He has to lie about this around other aliens.

In order to be with Jayne, he lies and says that her husband is dead.

He must kill some of the aliens so that Jayne can escape.

E. Forced Decisions

He doesn’t like violence, but he must kill his own kind to help Jayne to escape. He decides to leave his opulent life and go on the run with her.

Dr. Smith

A. Undeserved Misfortune

Her father is a commander who believes that she can always do better.

She loves Dr. Zyn, but he doesn’t love her.

Everyone hates her.

She is truly alone.

B. External Character Conflicts

Intentional

She argues with Dr. Zyn but usually wins.

She forces others to do what she wants.

She hates all humans and treats them like animals.

Unintentional

She hurts everyone around her, including the being that she loves (Dr. Zyn).

C. Plot Intruding on Life

She has been moving up the ranks in the scientific world. She is the top human brain specialist in her field. Everyone does what she wants…until Jayne arrives. Dr. Zyn loves Jayne. Jayne stands up to Dr. Smith. Then they escape.

D. Moral Dilemmas

Early on, she decided that even though humans look a lot like her race, she would conduct her experiments on them.

In order to control her environment, she gets Ava addicted to drugs and scares Polly into submission. Once she knows that Dr. Zyn is in love with Jayne, she forces him into a relationship with her, if he wants to save Jayne.

She plans on killing Jayne when she has the opportunity. She plans on using Polly as her own source of brain fluid. She believe that it will add to her intelligence.

E. Forced Decisions

When Jayne attacks her before their escape, she is wounded. She decides she must leave the hospital and track the escapees. She becomes obsessed in her mission.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Show Relationship Map

What I learned doing this assignment is that even when you aren’t feeling like you can do the assignment, you can fill in the blanks. Once you do, it’s amazing to see how the characters know each other.

Lesson #6, Assignment #1

Lost

Jack

Relationship with Kate

Surface: Couple-Girlfriend

Common Ground: Fit, young, good looking, trapped on the island

Conflict: Jack not knowing Kate’s past. Kate not wanting to
tell him.

History: She was one of the first people he met. They bonded
immediately and were attracted to each other. She chooses not to go with him to
the caves.

Subtext: Kate doesn’t think she can be good enough for him.

Relationship Arc: First meeting to being a couple to distancing

Relationship with Locke

Surface: Advisors/Locke-on the island/Jack-anything
medical

<div>

Common Ground: Working to feed and shelter the group

Conflict: Sometimes disagree on next action to take.

History: Jack saw Locke’s expertise when he brought back a boar-now Jack looks to him for things regarding the island/Locke saw Jack saving people medically-he defers to Jack when medical attention is
needed.

Subtext: Mutual respect for each other’s help and expertise

Relationship Arc: From one of the survivors to reliance on each other

Relationship with Sawyer

Surface: Adversaries

Common Ground: Both like Kate

Conflict: Sawyer is jealous of Jack because Kate is close to
him. Jack doesn’t trust Sawyer because he steals and makes passes at Kate.

History: While Jack was busy helping people after the crash,
Sawyer was stealing supplies for himself. They have gotten into it several
times.

Subtext: competition

Relationship Arc: From not paying attention to each other to fighting
and keeping tabs on each other

Assignment #2

Jayne March

Relationship with Dr. Zyn

Surface: Doctor-patient

Common Ground: Love of humans and children

Conflict: He is from a race of beings that are feeding on
humans. She doesn’t know if she can trust him.

History: He is the first person she sees in the hospital. He
falls in love with her. He takes special care of her. She begins to care for
him.

Subtext: In love but can’t admit it

Relationship Arc: From doctor-patient to close friends to soul mates

Relationship with Ava Grace

Surface: Patient-food service

Common Ground: Trapped in the hospital/Love brussel sprouts

Conflict: Jayne pushes Ava to get off the aliens’ drugs, but
she doesn’t want to.

History: When Jayne woke up, Dr. Zyn brought Ava in to sing
and calm her down. They began to talk. Ava goes to Jayne for help and advice.

Subtext: Mother-daughter

Relationship Arc: From a voice calming a patient to a daughter of Jayne

Relationships with Dr. Smith

Surface: Doctor-patient

Common Ground: Dr. Zyn

Conflict: Dr. Smith lies to Jayne, and Jayne steals from and plots against her. Both
compete for Dr. Zyn’s love and loyalty.

History: Dr. Smith conducts experiments on Jayne, which Dr.
Zyn stops. Jayne gathers info about her. She begins to fight back.

Polly Doyle

Relationship with Dr. Smith

Surface: Patient-doctor

Common Ground: Dr. Smith’s library

Conflict: Dr. Smith forces Polly to become her spy. Wants her
to hurt Jayne.

History: Dr. Zyn found her as a baby. Dr. Smith raised her
as her own. Polly was not pretty, so she put her to work in the hospital. Polly
does extra jobs to stay out of the brain-mining operation and to have access to
Dr. Smith’s library.

Subtext: Captive-Controller

Relationship Arc: Dr. Smith was like Polly’s mother. Then Polly is
used by Dr. Smith to the point that Polly spills the secrets of the hospital
and planet to Jayne.

Relationship with Jayne March

Surface: Patient cleaner-patient

Common Ground: Love of maps

Conflict: When Polly tells Jayne that she’s been working for
Dr. Smith, their escape plan stalls while Jayne processes it.

History: They meet when Jayne is ranting about her family
and no one acts like they believe her. Polly comes into her room. Polly won’t
talk to her at first. Then she whispers, “They’re lying.” They become friends,
but Polly keeps working for Dr. Smith until they decide to escape. Then Polly
draws up maps of the hospital and planet and restores their friendship.

Subtext: Friends forged in fire

Relationship Arc: Not speaking to each other to close friends who
rely on each other

Relationship with Ava Grace

Surface: Patient coworkers

Common Ground: Love <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Jayne Eyre/Hate
but need Dr. Smith.

Conflict: They try to outdo each other to gain Dr. Smith’s favor.

History: They compete against each other until Jayne comes.
Then they work together to obtain extra supplies and plan their escape with
Jayne.

Subtext: Competition/Friendship

Relationship Arc: From competitors who dislike each other to friends
who rely on each other

Ava Grace

Relationship with Dr. Smith

Surface: Patient-doctor

Common Ground: They both love Ava’s voice.

Conflict: Dr. Smith got Ava addicted to drugs to control her.
Ava must perform for her drugs.

History: Ava wakes up in hospital. When Dr. Smith prepares
experiment but hears her singing. This stops her. She tells Ava that she killed
her own mother and then supplies her with drugs. She gives her the job of
feeding the other patients.

Subtext: Slave/Master

Relationship Arc: From Dr. Smith in awe of Ava’s voice to controlling
her and her voice

Relationship with Polly Doyle

Surface: Fellow patient workers in hospital

Common Ground: <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Jayne Eyre-their favorite book/Hate
but need Dr. Smith.

</div>

Conflict: They try to outdo each other to gain Dr. Smith’s
favor.

History: They compete against each other until Jayne comes.
Then they work together to obtain extra supplies and plan their escape with
Jayne.

Subtext: Competition/Friendship

Relationship Arc: From competitors who dislike each other to friends
who rely on each other

Relationship with Dr. Zyn

Surface: Patient-doctor

Common Ground: Both care about Jayne but in different ways.

Conflict: She takes some of his hospital supplies to sell to
other patients, and he catches her. He also confronts her about the drugs.

History: Dr. Zyn was always nice to Ava and made her laugh.
She would sing for him and bring him steak.

Subtext: Friendship

Relationship Arc: From troublesome teenager stealing his supplies to
caring about each other as friends

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Character Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment is that sometimes a character’s need is not so obvious. I had to really dig to find it.

Lesson #5,

Assignment #1

Lost

Jack

A. Situational: Hope / Fear

Hope: He hopes that he will save the survivors of the crash and lead them to safety/Fear: He fears that he doesn’t have what it takes because he never brought his father home to his mother.

B. Motivation:

Want: Perfection

Need: Approval

C. Mask:

Base Negative Emotion: Worthless

Public Mask: Savior

D. Weaknesses

No self-care, shuts down when overwhelmed, blames himself for everything that goes wrong.

E. Triggers

Too many people need help, can’t save someone

F. Coping Mechanism

Problem solves, shuts down

Kate

A. Situational:

Hope: To start her life over as a free person

Fear: of being caught or found out that she was a convict

B. Motivation:

Want: freedom

Need: to be exonerated

C. Mask:

Base Negative Emotion: Guilt

Public Mask: the law

D. Weaknesses: breaks moral laws to look innocent or do what her code of ethics says is right

E. Triggers: When someone is being unfair or unjust

F. Coping Mechanism: She fights back/she does what needs to be done/she takes the hardest assignments/she tackles the bullies

Assignment
#2

Jayne March

A. Situational:

Hope: Escape the hospital and find her family

Fear: She isn’t strong enough to save her family

B. Motivation:

Want: Strength

Need: Self-esteem/approval

C. Mask:

Base Negative Emotion: shame

Public Mask: Protecting and mothering others/staying faithful to her husband

D. Weaknesses: Doesn’t believe she can stand against opposition/stays loyal to the wrong men

E. Triggers: conflict/ when she is attracted to someone new

F. Coping Mechanism: Shuts down/panic attacks/denies she feels anything

Polly Doyle

A. Situational:

Hope: Be safe/ have needs and wants met/be left alone

Fear: Aliens will destroy her brain.

B. Motivation:

Want: Safety

Need: Control of her own life and environment

C. Mask:

Base Negative Emotion: Terror

Public Mask: Keeps to herself

D. Weaknesses: no social skills/ will do anything to protect herself

E. Triggers: When someone threatens to change her environment, take something away, or harm her

F. Coping Mechanism: She problem solves how to appease the person or fix the situation

Ava Grace

A. Situational:

Hope: That she will be famous someday.

Fear: She will always be a nobody.

B. Motivation:

Want: to be loved by everyone

Need: Approval/Fame

C. Mask:

Base Negative Emotion: Worthless

Public Mask: Singer, performer, and important person

D. Weaknesses: Gets her self-esteem from others

E. Triggers: Negative treatment

F. Coping Mechanism: abuses drugs/placates one who treated her negatively

Dr. Zyn

A. Situational:

Hope: Break free of his situation/find love and family

Fear: He will always be controlled by Dr. Smith.

B. Motivation:

Want: Escape with Jayne March

Need: To be loved

C. Mask:

Base Negative Emotion: Despair

Public Mask: An optimistic doctor

D. Weaknesses: Afraid of Dr. Smith/Afraid to show his feelings

E. Triggers: When Dr. Smith orders him to carry out experiments/when he is in close proximity to Jayne.

F. Coping Mechanism: denial/compartmentalizes/acts calm and cool

Dr. Smith

A. Situational:

Hope: Be in charge of the planet/ mate with Dr. Zyn

Fear: She won’t be able to control her subjects/Dr. Zyn will reject her.

B. Motivation:

Want: Power

Need: Dominance

C. Mask:

Base Negative Emotion: Weak

Public Mask: Powerful

D. Weaknesses: Self-centered/Narcissistic/No moral codes

E. Triggers: When someone goes against her

F. Coping Mechanism: Manipulates and fights back

[Wendy Weising]

Subject line: Wendy Weising’s Intriguing Character Layers

What I learned doing this assignment is that the characters begin to tell you who they are.

Lesson #4, Assignment #2

Character Name: Jayne March

Role: She is a mother, wife, and patient in a hospital following an accident.

Hidden agendas: She agrees to an experiment so that Polly and Ava can steal the keys to the hospital.

Competition: She competes with Dr. Smith for Dr. Zyn’s attention.

Conspiracies: Polly, Ava, and Jayne make a plan of escape by stealing food, clothes, and supplies and creating a map of the hospital from what Polly and Ava know of it.

Secrets: She has a recurring dream about sneaking into a house and killing everyone there. She is horrified and tells no one.

Deception:?

Wound: Because her father constantly put her down, she is afraid to stand up for herself. She feels like she hasn’t been a very good mother.

Secret Identity: She seems to know how to use weapons well for a housewife.

Character Name: Polly Doyle

Role: She is a patient, who also cleans at the hospital.

Hidden agendas: She does extra work for Dr. Smith so that she doesn’t have to be part of the brain mining.

Competition: She competes with Ava. They are both trying to outdo each other so that they can get what they want from Dr. Smith.

Conspiracies: Polly, Ava, and Jayne make a plan of escape by stealing food, clothes, and supplies and creating a map of the hospital from what Polly and Ava know of it.

Secrets: Sometimes, she dreams the future. She doesn’t like to talk about it.

Deception: She agrees to report on the patients to the Dr. Smith, especially Jayne, in exchange for access to Dr. Smith’s library.

Wound: She can’t remember having any family members so she is used to keeping to and relying on herself.

Secret Identity: She acts dumb while doing her menial cleaning tasks because she doesn’t like talking to other people.

Character Name: Ava Grace

Role: She is a patient who serves food to the other patients at the hospital.

Hidden agendas: Performs for Dr. Smith and her friends so that she can get drugs.

Competition: She competes with Polly. They are both trying to outdo each other so that they can get what they want from Dr. Smith.

Conspiracies: Polly, Ava, and Jayne make a plan of escape by stealing food, clothes, and supplies and creating a map of the hospital from what Polly and Ava know of it.

Secrets: Because of her beautiful voice, the aliens are mesmerized by her. That is why she is not part of the experiments. She doesn’t tell the others about this power until later. She is addicted to a drug that is only found at the hospital.

Deception:

Wound: Dr. Smith has told her that she killed her mother.

Secret Identity: She acts like an average teenager but begins to use her songs on all the doctors and nurses to try to control them.

Character Name: Dr. Zyn

Role: Doctor at the hospital.

Hidden agendas: Wants to be Jayne’s doctor because he is attracted to her. He eventually tells Jayne that her husband is dead, even though he isn’t because he doesn’t want to lose her.

Competition: Dr. Zyn is competing against Jayne’s husband, whom he knows is alive, for her love.

Conspiracies: He and Dr. Smith must have a brain chemical only found in humans to survive. They do not tell the patients so that they will comply.

Secrets: He is an alien. He is in love with Jayne.

Deception: He is working against the aliens even though he is one of them.

Wound: He sees the horrible things that the experiments and surgeries do to the patients. He saw his family and race dying on their previous planet because they ran out of the needed chemical.

Secret Identity: He is an alien pretending to be a doctor.

Character Name: Dr. Smith

Role: Doctor in charge at the hospital.

Hidden agendas: She has chosen Dr. Zyn has as her mate, so she brought him to her hospital. She got Ava addicted to drugs, which are only found at the hospital so that she would comply with her rules.

Competition: She is competing with Jayne for Dr. Zyn’s attention.

Conspiracies: She and Dr. Zyn must have a brain chemical only found in humans to survive. They do not tell the patients so that they will comply.

Secrets: She hates humans. She hates having to rely on them. She treats them like lab rats.

Deception: She acts as if they are on Earth, but they aren’t.

Wound: She saw her race dying on their previous planet because they ran out of the needed chemical. Her own daughter died because of this.

Secret Identity: She is an alien pretending to be a doctor.

[Wendy Weising]

Subject line: Wendy Weising’s Intriguing Character Layers

Lesson #4, Assignment #1

Intrigue for Lost

Jack:

A wound from his past causes him to have panic attacks, turn to alcohol for relief, and feel that he needs to save everyone.

Secret-Keeps seeing a man in a suit appear, but he doesn’t tell anyone.

Kate:

A wound (being on the run from the law) causes her to freak out when she can’t outrun danger and makes her willing to do anything that needs to be done, whether she likes it or not.

Secret identity: Acts like she is good but was a prisoner of a US Marshall.

Conspiracy: She gives Sawyer the gun so that he can kill the US Marshall.

Charlie:

Secret: He is addicted to drugs.

A wounds causes him to need people to know that he was in a famous band.

Locke:

Secret: He was paralyzed and in a wheelchair before the plane crash.

Secret Identity: Has a suitcase full of hunting knives. He knows everything about wild boars and how to hunt them, even though he has never actually done it before.

Sawyer:

He is in a competition with everyone, especially Jack.

A wound causes him to lash out at others and hoards supplies from the airplane.

Shannon:

Her hidden agenda stems from her competition with Boone. She acts like she’s interested in Charlie, but she only wants him to catch a fish so that she can prove she is useful to Boone. Charlie takes on the secret identity of being an amazing fisherman.

Conspiracy: The group that hikes up the mountain with the transceiver is in a conspiracy. They decided not tell the others about the distress recording they heard that’s been playing for years.

[Wendy Weising]

Subject line: Wendy Weising’s Engaging Main Characters

Lesson #3, Assignment #2

Wendy Weising

What I learned doing this assignment is that the characters will begin to tell you who they are as you think and write about them.

1. Journey:

When a loving wife and mother wakes up in a hospital bed and is told that her family doesn’t exist, she must face her fear of conflict, figure out what is really going on, and lead her small group to escape the hospital, find their families, and survive the new planet that they are now on.

2–3. Main characters that will sell your show

Jayne March

A. Role: She is a mother, wife, and patient in a hospital following an accident.

B. Unique Purpose: escaping the hospital and finding her family

Expertise: She has spent days caring for and leading her two children. She knows how to care for people who have been hurt.

C. Intrigue: Before the accident, she was never able to stand up for herself or her children—her husband always did this. She is falling in love with Dr. Zyn, who is an alien and not her husband.

D. Moral Issue: She lies, destroys property, and even kills to escape the hospital and find her family. She falls for someone who is not her husband.

E. Unpredictable: She no longer has a protector or someone who will take care of things for her. She must do things that are uncomfortable for her and the opposite of what she would normally do: stand up for herself in her belief that she has a family when the medical staff tells her she’s crazy, lead a group of friends to freedom, and hurt others if they stand between her and her friends and family.

F. Empathetic: At first, she doesn’t know how to stand up for herself. She must learn by trial and error. The hospital staff tells her that she doesn’t have family when she knows that she does. She is separated from her kids, who are in danger.

Polly Doyle

A. Role: She is a patient who also cleans at the hospital.

B. Unique Purpose: To help Jayne plan their escape and survive the hospital.

Expertise: She is extremely smart and knows every nook and cranny of the hospital. She also knows about the planet.

C. Intrigue: She was taken as a child and raised on the planet because of her intelligence. She has worked a few times for the aliens and helped them with their brain studies and surgeries to protect her own brain. She knows what is truly happening in the hospital and in the outside world but acts like she doesn’t.

D. Moral Issue: She believes in Jayne and wants to follow her out of the hospital, but to do that, she has to lie about her involvement with the aliens and what she knows.

E. Unpredictable: If she was willing to sell others out to save herself, she might do it again, even though she doesn’t want to hurt her friends. Because she is so smart, she comes up with extremely inventive ways to do things.

F. Empathetic: She has no one but herself to rely on. There aren’t any kids or a spouse for her to rescue. She was taken as a baby and raised on the planet because of her intelligence. She is extremely introverted.

Ava Grace

A. Role: She is a patient who serves food to the other patients at the hospital.

B. Unique Purpose: She wants to find her mother, so she is willing to help Jayne and the others escape from the hospital.

Expertise: She is the extrovert extraordinaire. She can make anybody like her. She is a singer and entertainer.

C. Intrigue: The aliens have not touched her brain because they love music. They are enthralled by her singing. She is addicted to a drug that she can only get at the hospital.

D. Moral Issue: She knows that if she leaves, she won’t have the drug. She tells the others that she wants to leave but doesn’t know if she can. She is stealing and hoarding it so that she will have enough to last her.

E. Unpredictable: She might be willing to stay behind or even turn her friends in for the drug. If she goes and runs out of the drug, who knows what will happen.

F. Empathetic: She is a teenager without parents. She is addicted to a drug. She sings beautiful songs.

Dr. Zyn

A. Role: An alien assigned to be a doctor at the hospital where Jayne is a patient.

B. Unique Purpose: Help Jayne escape the hospital and navigate the planet.

Expertise: Because he is one of the aliens, he knows everything—their plans, goals, empire, etc.

C. Intrigue: He is working against his fellow aliens because he does not agree with them. He is in love with Jayne.

D. Moral Issue: He must thwart the plans of his own race to save one woman and her family, which might reunite her with her husband.

E. Unpredictable: He has to act the part to fool the aliens but win the heart of Jayne. His actions will seem strange to both sides.

F. Empathetic: He is a good guy. He is willing to give up a lot for the woman he loves.

[Wendy Weising]

Lesson #3, Assignment #1

Wendy Weising

From the show Lost

Kate

A. Role in the show: Kate survived the plane crash with Jack. She is his closest confidant and helper. She is strong and does things that she doesn’t want to do because they need to be done. She comes across as innocent and sad.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: She is determined to help Jack. She wants to start over and live a better life. Because she was an escaped convict, she knows how to use a gun, get away from danger, and survive difficult situations. She is a perfect helper for the Island.

C. Intrigue: She is an escaped convict. Everything she does is to run from it or try to act like an innocent person. She has even fooled the group that hikes to the mountain. They ask her to keep the gun.

D. Moral Issue: In order to look innocent, Kate must lie—or withhold the truth. She is conflicted about the US Marshall who is dying. Her old self wants him to die so that he cannot tell the others about her. Her new self doesn’t want him to be in any more pain. She gives the gun to Sawyer to kill the US Marshall.

E. Unpredictable: Because the conflict pulls her two different directions, will she hurt someone again or will she do the right thing in the eyes of the law?

F. Empathetic: Even though she caused a crash to get away from the US Marshall, she drags Ray’s (the driver) body away from the burning car to the edge of the road so that he will be saved. She also wants to make sure that he gets his money for turning her in. Kate wants to tell Jack what she did, but he says that she shouldn’t. He wants her to live going forward because everyone deserves a fresh start.

[Wendy Weising]

Subject line: Wendy Weising’s Three Circles of Characters

Lesson #2, Assignment #1 and 2

Wendy Weising

What I learned doing this assignment is that I can create character names and descriptions a lot faster than I thought I could.

Assignment #1 Lost

A. Main Characters Circle

Jack

Kate

Charlie

Hurley

B. Connected Circle

Locke

Sawyer

Jin-Soo

Sun-Hwa

Shannon

Boone

Claire

Michael

Walt

Vincent

U.S. Marshall

C. Environmental Circle

Flight attendants

Other people on plane

Other survivors of the plane crash

Assignment
#2

A. Main Characters Circle

Jayne March-She is petite thirty-year-old mom and housewife who hasn’t ever had to fight her own battles, so even though she is fierce, she hesitates during conflict.

Polly Doyle-She is a short, stocky, forty-two-year-old woman who is off-the-chart smart and very introverted and cleans the rooms.

Ava Grace-She is a waiflike, extroverted teenage girl who sings much of the time and serves the patients their food.

Dr. Zyn-He is an alien who is posing as a tall, dark, and handsome doctor and is conflicted about what his race is doing.

B. Connected Circle

Dr. Jones (alien)

Dr. Smith (alien)

Dr. Brown (alien)

Nurse Craydon (alien)

Nurse Beckett (alien)

Nurse Miller (alien)

Nurse Arnold(alien)

Hilda (patient)

Mary (patient)

C. Environment Circle

Other patients

Security people (aliens)

[Wendy Weising]

Subject line: Lost 5 Star Model Module 1

Wendy Weising

What I learned doing this assignment is that there should be a reason for every action and event that happens.

1. Outline of the pilot of Lost

The word LOST glides across the screen.

An eye appears, blinking.

Jack, a man in a suit, is lying on the ground in the middle of a bamboo forest. A white dog runs by him. He gets painfully to his feet. He finds a small bottle of alcohol in his pocket but doesn’t drink it. Then he tries to push his way out of the forest. He passes a white tennis shoe hanging from a tree.

He comes out onto a beach and finds the chaos of a plane that has just crashed. The engines are still running. People are dead, dying, and injured. Jack seems overwhelmed for a moment. He jumps into action when he sees that a man is trapped under a piece of the plane that is leaking gasoline and is ready to fall over. He gets help to move the man. One of the man’s legs is bleeding. Without thinking, Jack pulls off his tie and uses it as a tourniquet. He helps other people on the beach, sometimes at risk to his own life.

Charlie wanders aimlessly and seems to just miss getting killed by the wreckage.

Jack is alone and away from the group. He finds that he has a gash down his side that needs stitches. Kate, a beautiful, young woman in white shows up. Even though she is afraid to stitch Jack up, she agrees when he asks her to. Jack shares a deeply personal story about a spinal surgery that he botched but fixed. He said that he allowed himself to feel fear to the count of five and then just fixed it.

Jack comes up with a plan to retrieve the transceiver from the cockpit. Kate and Charlie decide to go with him to find it. Kate saw smoke earlier from the woods, so they will go in that direction. When asked how he knows so much about planes, Jack says that he took flying lessons but that is wasn’t for him. Jack tells Kate that she needs different shoes, so she gently pulls a pair of off a dead person and puts them on her own feet.

People on the beach have started bonfires. They are helping one another when creepy sounds come from the woods. They can’t see a creature, but whatever it is, it’s knocking down trees and making growling noises.

Jack has a flashback. He is on the plane. The flight attendant gives him two small bottles of liquor, which he quickly downs. Charlie runs through the cabin toward the bathroom as the flight attendants chase him. Then the plane goes down.

Charlie reveals that he is part of a famous band called Driveshaft. Kate knows the band but not him. They find the cockpit in a tree. They climb up to where the dead pilot is—but he’s not dead. He tells them that they are a thousand miles off course and that rescuers will be looking for them in the wrong location. They get the transceiver, but now Charlie is gone. Kate finds him in the bathroom. Just as they return to the cockpit, the monster approaches and passes them. The pilot is eaten when he puts his head through the window to try to see it. They run for their lives.

Rain begins to pour. Charlie slips in the mud and falls. Jack goes back to help him while Kate keeps running.

Kate hides in the woods. No one comes. She cries out for Jack. Then while shaking, she begins to count. Charlie shows up. The rain stops. Kate goes to look for Jack. She finds him. Above them high in a tree, the body of the pilot has been chewed up and spit out by the monster. Charlie asks, “How does something like that happen?”

2.

A. What is the big hook of the show?

The island: Why are these people on this island? What is the island? Where is the island? Will they survive the creatures that live there?

The people and the secrets that they are trying to hide.

B. What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?

Jack

He’s a doctor and a leader. He knows how to delegate responsibility. He struggles with alcohol. He is willing to put himself at risk to help others. His mantra is to feel the fear and then do it. He is kind.

Kate

She is beautiful and young. She is willing to do things that she doesn’t want to do because they must be done. She believes in Jack and is very connected to him, even though she has just met him.

Charlie

At first, he seems out of it. But somehow, he just misses disaster. He is proud and loud about his part in the band Driveshaft. He seems to think that everyone should know who he is even though they don’t. He is secretive. He goes into a bathroom on a plane that is about to fall from a tree. Who does that?

The Island

It has a tropical forest and beautiful beach. At least one man-eating monster lives on it. The rain turns on and off quickly. It is located off the map. It has more secrets than answers.

C. What situation causes us to feel both empathy and distress for this character?

Jack

Jack wakes up alone on a tropical island. He runs in a panic through the woods. He helps many injured people while he himself is hurt. He nearly misses getting blown up. He downs alcohol quickly on the plane. He helps Kate not to be afraid. He runs from the monster.

Kate

She helps Jack, even though she doesn’t want to do it because it needs to be done. While hiding from the monster, she cries out for Jack and then uses his counting system to calm down.

Charlie

Kate knows his band but not him, and Jack doesn’t know at all. He runs from the monster.

The Island

It seems like it feels trespassed against.

D. Layers/Open Loops

What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?

What is the island? Why are these people there? What is the monster in the woods? What are the main characters hiding? What else will they find there? What are these peoples’ stories and secrets? Will they ever get rescued?

E. Inviting Obsession

How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?

The pilot ends with us not knowing if the people are going to be safe. I want to know what the monster is. Will the transceiver work? Will they get rescued? The outside world is looking for them in the wrong place. I want to know what they will find to eat and drink on an island surrounded by saltwater. What will they use to create shelter. I want to see more of the island and its secrets.

3. Second Time through the Show

What I learned this time:

Jack has a full-blown panic attic until he sees the white dog.

Jack likes to tell others that they’ll be OK, even if they aren’t.

Instead of drinking the second bottle of liquor, Jack uses it for his wound and Kate’s.

When Kate first appears, she looks like she’s been crying. She’s very sad.

When Kate agrees to sew up Jack, she says something odd: “Of course, I will.”

Charlie writes the word “FATE” on his fingers. He reminds others that he’s OK when he is left out.

The transceiver doesn’t work.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Wendy Weising]

Hello there,

My name is Wendy Weising. I have been working on several scripts but have never tried to sell them. I want to do better. I’m taking this class to be all in. I want to try to write or update my scripts so that I can sell them.

I live in Tennessee but haaaaaate turkey vultures (They are everywhere). My family likes to tease me by sending pics of them to me.

I’m so glad that you all are here being brave with me!