[David Wetzel]

Lesson 6 Assignment – Applying Dialogue Subtext

What I learned doing this assignment is, once you look through your screenplay and find the scenes with “on the nose,” writing, you can apply to Subtext Mastery tools to improve the scenes.

Version 1: Dialogue covers subtext.

The Japanese are about to try to cross the dangerous Thanzit River at night to avoid detection by the Allied forces. They’ve fashioned a large wooden raft and have wounded soldiers piled on top while thirty troops are waist deep in the fast moving river. Despite Takeshi's words of comfort, Yoshi has no illusions about how dangerous the crossing is going to be.

EXT. THANZIT RIVER – NIGHT

Captain Osamu climbs on top of the raft and more groans emit from the wounded soldiers.

Yoshi and Takeshi are deep in the choppy water near the middle of the makeshift lifeboat.

YOSHI
I once read drowning is painful, I hope they're wrong.

TAKESHI
No one is drowning little brother.

Yoshi snickers while Takeshi lashes one of his hands tightly to a log on the raft.

YOSHI
It's four hundred meters over to mainland Burma, the river is up, and we can't see past our noses.

Captain Osamu raises his stick while Takeshi tightens his grip.

YOSHI
You're right.

YOSHI
(wry)
I'm sure we're safe.

Version 2: Dialogue points to subtext.

Yoshi, Hasu and Takeshi have so far survived numerous horrible attacks in the deadly mangrove swamps of Burma. Both from the Allied forces that strafe them with fighter jets from above and the bloodthirsty crocodiles and poisonous snakes that infest the swamps. Hasu is very religious, but he fears his luck is running out and that none of them will ever survive their treacherous journey across ten miles of swamps to reach mainland Burma. Yoshi has bedded down for the night, Hasu and Takeshi are alone.

EXT – MANGROVE SWAMPS – NIGHT

An eerie silence hangs over the two for a moment.

HASU
(somber)
I'm beginning to believe Yoshi; I don't think God is with us anymore.

Takeshi is unsettled by Hasu’s confession.

HASU
How could he find us in here? All I see is death,…I just hope I'm brave when it comes for me.

The owl's eerie call adds to the uneasy tension.

HASU
I'm sorry, but I need to ask you for a favor, while I still can.

Hasu looks ahead, into the gloomy darkness.

HASU
I'm not fast like you, or brave, or even a very good shot.

Takeshi listens but appears uneasy.

HASU
If those things attack us again, and things get bad.

Hasu looks back at Takeshi, serious, the owl calls again.

Then, without a word, Hasu nods at Takeshi's pistol.

TAKESHI
(unsettled)
We'll be OK, we have guns.

HASU
And you're a very skilled marksman, I've seen it.

TAKESHI
Just stay close.

HASU
(resolute)
Promise me, please.

Takeshi slowly nods, Hasu now appears at peace.

Hasu departs and readies to bed down next to Yoshi.

Takeshi is solemn as he resumes massaging his wounded leg.

He pulls out his pistol and works the firing mechanism, then cradles the gun in both hands.

After a moment, Takeshi glances over at Hasu, he's softly reciting a prayer, Takeshi holsters his pistol.

• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Lesson 5 Assignment – Applying Action Subtext

“What I learned doing this assignment is applying action subtext provides the writer with some useful tools to enhance the screenplay by employing the opposite of either the action portrayed, or the dialogue spoken.

Use each of the two types of Action Subtext in one or more scenes.

• Version 1: Action Opposite Dialogue

• Example, Yoshi and Takeshi are forced to try to cross the dangerous Thanzit River at night to avoid detection by the Allied forces. Takeshi tries to calm Yoshi’s fears and Yoshi responds jokingly that they’ll be safe before being attacked by the allies.

• Version 2: Action Hides Something Covert

• Example, Yoshi, Hasu and Takeshi return to the main regiment and beg to fight for the Emperor and claims they were attacked by crocodiles. In reality, they all deserted the battle of Sane Township and Takeshi feels guilty. Instead of surrendering to the Allied forces he wants them to rejoin the main regiment and fight for their family’s honor and the Emperor.

• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Lesson 4: Assignment – Applying Situation Subtext

What I learned doing this assignment is by using one of more of the subtext situations that are available you can make the story much more engaging for the audience and more enjoyable for the writer too.

1. Pick some scenes that could use situational subtext.

• C. Deception, Yoshi has a plan to deceive Major Inomata and his officers to allow them to rejoin the regiment.
2. Brainstorm the following for each scene:

• Subtext Situation: Yoshi has a plan to deceive Major Inomata and his officers to allow them to rejoin the regiment after they ran away from the hopeless battle at Sane Township.

• Surface: Yoshi, Hasu and Takeshi make their way to Ramree Town and attempt to rejoin the main regiment after they deserted during the hopeless battle at Sane Township.

• Beneath Surface: Yoshi, Hasu and Takeshi encountered the remnants of several dead Japanese soldiers who were attacked by both the Allied forces and bloodthirsty crocodiles. Yoshi plans to use his gambling skills to deceive the officers and sell them a story of why they left the battle at Sane Township.

• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Lesson 3 Assignment – Applying Character Subtext

What I learned doing this assignment is that the more your characters have a rich and

layered subtext, the better your story will affect the reader / audience.

1. Brainstorm the surface and subtext beneath the surface on a Character level for
your top 3 characters.

a. Takeshi is a fierce loyalist to the Emperor and wants revenge for the death of this father at the hands of the Allied forces.

But after killing multiple Allied soldiers, he does not feel fulfilled and as slowly learning the senselessness of a hopeless war.

b. Yoshi’s always been a pacifist and a realist, he understands that every Japanese solider must do their part but doesn’t want

the be a part of anymore killing. Yoshi’s father was a drunken gambler who cheated the wrong person and was killed in an

argument. He did nothing but bring shame to Yoshi and their family’s name. Deep down, Yoshi would like to just once be

considered a hero and restore his family’s honor.

c. Hasu has a close relationship with his parents and God. He’s also a pacifist but understands that every Japanese soldier is

expected to killed at least ten of the enemy. He is learning to be a skilled tailor like his father to one day take over the family

shop but deep down he’d rather become a Catholic priest.

2. Give us a sentence or two of how the character subtext might show up in your story.

• Character Surface: Takeshi, the fierce loyalist to the Emperor and a skilled soldier.

• Character Subtext: When Yoshi is brutally killed in the story climax, Takeshi makes the decision to run away from the

senseless battle and find an Allied boat to surrender.

• Character Surface: Yoshi, the pacifist who wants nothing more than to stop fighting tries throughout the story to convince

Takeshi of the senselessness of continuing to fight a war they have no hope of winning.

• Character Subtext: When Yoshi is brutally killed in the story climax, he becomes to hero, Takeshi finally makes the decision

to run away from the senseless battle.

• Character Surface: Hasu, the pacifist who is dutifully serving in the infantry to keep his family’s honor and serve the

Emperor, doesn’t want to kill anyone.

• Character Subtext: The senselessness and brutality of war takes its toll on Hasu, and he begins to loss all hope that

he’ll ever live to see his parents again. He’s brutally killed in the lead up to the story climax after Takeshi fails to protect him as

he promised he would.

• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Lesson 2: Assignment – Applying Environment Subtext

What I learned doing this assignment is that if you look for the deeper meaning in your chosen environments, they can lend more depth to your characters and their respective journeys.

1. January 1945, WWII Burma, Ramree Island, mangrove swamps that connect the island to mainland Burma.

2. A. Ramree Island is a lush tropical island, but the Imperial Japanese infantry are trapped on the island by the combined Allied forces of the British and Americans and Indian Punjab fighters.

Even though the island is beautiful, the Japanese are surrounded by death and eminent destruction.

The deeper meaning of the environment could signify that although the island is beautiful, it is also deadly.

2B. Instead of surrendering to the Allied forces, the Japanese officers adhere to their Bushido Samurai code of warfare, “death before surrender.”

They force one thousand soldiers to attempt to cross ten miles of deadly, crocodile infested mangrove swamps to reach mainland Burma.

The sweltering hot swamps are full of deadly snakes, scorpions and thousands of bloodthirsty crocodiles who hunt the soldiers relentlessly as they try to cross the swamps.

The deeper meaning of the environment could signify that war without the chance of victory is senseless and eventually leads to needless death and destruction.

• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Title: RAMREE ISLAND

Genre: WWII Historical Fiction

What I learned doing this assignment is that by digging deeper into the surface story of your screenplay, you can find interesting subtext at a plot level. Make sure your main character(s) have some flaw or imperfection. A main character without any flaws or struggles is flat and boring.

1. In WWII Burma, two childhood friends now find themselves as privates in the Imperial Japanese infantry trying to survive against unimaginable odds. One soldier, Takeshi, is a fierce loyalist to the Emperor, the other is Yoshi, a pacifist.

2. Takeshi’s father was an officer on the Akagi in the battle of Midway and was killed by the American bombers, fueling Takeshi’s desire for revenge against the British and Americans.

Yoshi’s dead father was a drunken gambler and an embarrassment to his mother and his family’s name. He yearns to be reunited with his mother and first love back in Japan. He wants to get off the island as soon as possible.

Takeshi’s mother is a widow and fears for the life of her only son, Takeshi, and his desire for revenge.

Takeshi’s grandfather wants him to give up his thirst for revenge and care for his mother.

Takeshi begins to see how little his superior officers care for the lives of the regiment so long as they prolong a war they have no chance of winning.

During a brutal battle, Yoshi makes the ultimate sacrifice and dies a hero in order give Takeshi and chance to surrender to the Allied forces.

Deeper Meaning: War is senseless but can sometimes make the unlikeliest of people act like heroes.

• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Outline Version 1

• Title: DIRE FALLS

• Logline: At Dire Falls Preparatory School, an aimless soul, a disillusioned war veteran and band of students fight evil both from within and the pits of hell.

• Horror Outline:

1. INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

A terrified student runs along a dark passage, horrible growls can be heard close behind. The student pulls on an old metal door, but he can’t open it.

2. EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT

The student finally opens the door and evades the demon, but only for a moment and is soon killed by an unseen evil.

3. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

The school is buzzing with the news of the attack. There’s a rumor going around that a similar string of attacks happened at the school twenty years ago.

A small band of student mystery solvers discusses the murder during study hall, the janitor, “Nearest,” overhears them.

4. INT – SCHOOL OFFICE – DAY

Jennifer is a new administrative assistant and Nearest (a janitor and war veteran) are friends and having lunch together, Nearest tells Jennifer about the gang’s interest in the killing.

Nearest tells Jennifer that the gang is known for solving small time mysteries around school.

5. INT – SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – DAY

The dean of the school and a visiting priest, Deacon Malum, tell the students the student must have been killed by a wild animal and not to spread crazy rumors.

6. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

Jennifer and Nearest tell the gang not to get involved in the school investigation since it could be dangerous.

Discreetly, the gang plan to ignore the warnings and continue their own investigation.

7. EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT

That night, a violent snowstorm hits the area, the bridge to school is knocked out and the whole student body is socked in on the school grounds.

8. INT – LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT

During the violent storm, a student is brutally murdered inside the locker room and the body is taken down a secret passageway.

Nearest finds the blood in the locker room and alerts the dean, Deacon Malum is on the scene too.

9. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – NIGHT

One of the gang overhears the conversation among the faculty, the gang are sure evil is afoot.

They find a hidden book in a dark corner of the library.

10. INT – DORM ROOM – NIGHT

Another student is attacked inside his dorm room by the demon which entered through a secret passageway inside the dorms.

11. INT – SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – DAY

The dean and Deacon Malum assert that the student had a history of mental health issues and was a three-time run away before this disappearance.

The gang are not buying the story and want to investigate the case.

They piece together that both the students share a first name with an apostle.

12. INT – SCHOOL OFFICE – DAY

Jennifer and Nearest are sure that evil is afoot and begin to research the school’s dark history.

Jennifer confides in Nearest that she feels lost in life and she doesn’t know what her true path in life is supposed to be.

She tells Nearest that if she ever figures out what that is she’d buy a car like Nearest’s 1969 Camero (nicknamed Lucille) and never look back.

13. INT – JENNIFER’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jennifer tries to recover from the horrible events, the demon appears in the shape of a troubled student and is about to attack when Nearest appears, the demon resumes the form of the student and leaves.

14. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – NIGHT

Jennifer confides in Nearest about her synesthesia abilities and says she senses a red aura around anything evil and sees it around Deacon Malum.

Jennifer is embarrassed because she’s not sure of what she sees as real or a hallucination from her former days as an opioid addict.

Nearest confides in his loss of faith and that he’s familiar with addiction as a recovering alcoholic and tells her to trust her instincts.

Their research uncovers the similarities of the attacks that occurred twenty years ago.

The gang overhears Jennifer and Nearest conversation and tells them they want to help, Jennifer and Nearest are reluctant but relent.

15. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer is in the chapel; she notices the painting behind the statue of Saint Micheal of archangels fighting demons from hell.

She notices one of the demons, Yog-Formido, resembles what a student described earlier.

The dean arrives and tries to lend some comfort and is killed from behind by the demon.

Jennifer and the gang see a long, tall dark figure running behind an old statue of a gargoyle in the chapel.

16. INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

The gang and Jennifer follow the dark figure down the passageway, another student follows along.

17. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Jennifer and the gang observe the demon and come upon a bright yellow / orange portal to hell.

Renny tries to tackle the demon but is thrown off, the demon slashes the throat of the student that tagged along.

Tom has his stomach slashed open by the demon’s claws and it disappears with the dead student into the portal to hell.

18. INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

The gang helps carry Tom back up the passageway, at the top is Deacon Malum.

Jennifer sees the red aura around the deacon and is sure he’s evil.

19. INT – SCHOOL INFERMARY – NIGHT

The gang get Tom cared for, Nearest arrives Jennifer tells him about the demon and the attack and her suspicions about Deacon Malum.

20. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Deacon Malum summons the demon back and orders it kill Jennifer, Nearest and the gang.

21. INT – NEAREST’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Nearest digs out his army old service revolver from his footlocker and makes sure he has bullets.

He also sifts through other items but they’re unseen at the moment.

22. INT – GYM – DAY

Jennifer sees Marley working out on a boxing dummy with a police baton.

Marley is frustrated that Terry won’t pay her enough attention.

Jennifer assures Marley that she’s awesome and any guy would be lucky to have her for a girlfriend.

23. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

The gang with Jennifer and Nearest regroup in the school chapel.

24. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

The gang confront Deacon Malum and the demon at the portal to hell, the gang try to fight the demon but he’s too strong.

Nearest shoots the demon but his bullets don’t hurt it.

One bullet ricochets off the demon and seems to kill Deacon Malum who falls into the portal to hell.

The demon follows the deacon into hell and gang escapes.

25. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

Jennifer and the gang begin to look for clues about the demon and what it wants.

They learn that the demon comes out every twenty years and must kill twelve students with the same first name of the apostles to escape the school grounds.

They learn the demon can be harmed by holy objects and a sword gifted by a saint can pierce its skin.

The demon can take and shape of any living human / animal, but its true appearance is revealed in the reflection of any holy object.

The demon is not alone and there are four other demons in portals to hell under other Catholic schools with a dark history.

Tom also tells Jennifer that the old scroll inside the book they found relates that anyone who has been gifted the sword of a saint by a saint or an angel must find the other four demons and destroy them.

Nearest is nearby and can hear the whole conversation but leaves Jennifer and the kids alone to bond.

26. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Nearest is alone in the chapel and rediscovers his faith in God, the statue of Saint Michael seems to come alive and gifts Nearest with the sword of Saint Michael.

27. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer, Nearest and the gang arrive at the chapel, ready to face the demon, armed with their new knowledge and resolve.

28. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Renny and the gang are all armed with various holy objects that take turns hurting the demon.

It tries to escape to hell but Nearest blocks its path, they battle and Nearest stabs the demon in the side with the sword.

As the demon is dying and falling into hell, it impales Nearest and takes him along with it!

Nearest gifts Jennifer the sword of Saint Micheal and she sees an aura of a white and a halo over Nearest’s head, he has
become an archangel.

Nearest yells at Jennifer to look deep inside his footlocker in his room as he falls into the pits of hell.

29. EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – DAY

The snowstorm breaks and the bridge to school is repaired, the authorities arrive, the school is safe.

30. INT – SCHOOL INFERMARY – DAY

Jennifer and the gang visit Tom who is still recovering from the wounds.

Jennifer and the gang talk about their adventure and examine the newly gifted sword of Saint Michael.

Jennifer tells them that she’s leaving school, she has finally found her purpose in life.

31. INT – NEAREST’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jennifer enters Nearest’s bedroom and finds his old army footlocker.

Jennifer discovers a false bottom in the locker and finds a cache of hundreds of thousands of dollars wrapped in neatly packed bundles.

There’s a note on top of the money from Nearest, he tells her he thinks that she’s found her purpose in life and to take Lucille and to hunt down the other four demons and finish God’s work.

32. INT – SCHOOL SHOP CLASS – DAY

Terry, Johnny and Marley marvel at Renny’s handiwork on a new storage case for the sword of St. Michael.

33. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer sits alone and prays for the strength to complete her noble quest.

The gang arrive and they all hug and promise to stay in touch with each other.

Marley gifts Jennifer with Renny’s new storage case for the sword of Saint Michael.

They all wander back over to the painting behind the statue of Saint Michael.

They’re all astonished to see what appears to be Nearest in the painting, battling Yog-Formido in the pits of hell alongside other heavenly archangels.

34. EXT – TRAIN CROSSING – DAY

Jennifer sits in Lucille at a traffic signal, waiting for the train to pass.

As the train flies by, Jennifer spots Deacon Malum riding onboard.

After the train passes, Jennifer punches the gas and Lucille fish tails down the road towards the speeding train, on a mission from God.

• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Horror Outline Version 1

What I learned doing this assignment is, if you follow the “Scary-as-Hell” model to build each horror situation and then add the non-horror scenes so story flows you can get a good idea of your current story outline, and which areas need further refinement.

DIRE FALLS

1. INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

A terrified student runs along a dark passage, growls can be heard close behind. The student pulls on an old metal door, but he can’t open it.

Horror Situation: A terrified student runs along a dark passageway; he seems to be running from something close behind him.

• Anxiety: The student is anxious as he inches towards the unseen hooded figure that beckons him to come closer.

• Shock: The student’s eyes open wide in shock as an unseen figure emerges from the floating portal and growls.

• Fear: The student spins around in horror as the demon moves closer to him with its claws open and growls again.

• Panic: The student screams and sprints back up the passageway as the padded footsteps of the demon can be heard behind him!

• Hysteria: The hysterical student pulls hard at the old metal door as the demon moves closer, unseen back at the portal, the hooded figure laughs.

• Release: Then at the last second, the student pries the door open and dashes outside into the dark, snowy night just as a long black claw barely misses him!

2. EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT

The student finally opens the door and evades the demon, but only for a moment.

Horror Situation: The student is torn to pieces and left on the snowy school grounds.

• Anxiety: The student is anxious as he tries to catch his breath and tries to get to his feet and run to safety.

• Shock: The student’s eyes open wide in shock as he hears a deep guttural breathing behind him.

• Fear: The student slowly turns to see the demon standing over him!

• Panic: The student screams and tries to get to his feet and run away.

• Horror: The demon grabs the student and lifts him into the air with one long, black arm with its claws out and rips him to pieces!

3. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

The school is buzzing with the news of the attack. There’s a rumor going around that a similar string of attacks happened at the school twenty years ago.

The gang discreetly discusses the grisly murder during study hall, the janitor, “Nearest,” overhears them.

4. INT – SCHOOL OFFICE – DAY

Jennifer and Nearest are friends and are having lunch together, Nearest tells Jennifer about the gang’s interest in the killing.

Nearest tells Jennifer that the gang is known for solving small time mysteries around school like stolen property etc.

5. INT – SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – DAY

The dean of the school and a visiting priest, Deacon Malum [David Dastmalchian], tell the students the student must have been killed by a wild animal and not to spread crazy rumors.

6. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

Jennifer and Nearest tell the gang not to get involved in the school investigation since it could be dangerous.

Discreetly, the gang plan to ignore the warnings and continue their own investigation.

7. EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT

That night, a violent snowstorm hits the area, the bridge to school is knocked out and the whole student body is socked in on the school grounds.

8. INT – LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT

During the violent storm, a student is brutally murdered inside the locker room and the body is taken down a secret passageway.

Horror Situation: A student is killed in the locker room; the body is taken by the demon down a secret passageway to the locker room.

• Anxiety: Another student is anxious about the attack on the student from earlier. She shares her concern with another girl in the locker room with her.

• Dread: The student hears a strange guttural sound behind her, she stops and slowly turns around.

• Shock: The student’s eyes open wide in shock.

• Monster reveal: The demon appears in front of her and growls!

• Hysteria: The student screams and tries to escape from the monster.

• Suspense: The student hides inside a locker as the demon passes her.

• Release: The student slowly emerges from the locker; all seems safe now.

• Horror: The student turns around and the demon is right behind her! It impales the student with its claws and drags the body into a secret opening into the locker room.

Nearest finds the blood in the locker room and alerts the dean, Deacon Malum is on the scene too.

9. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – NIGHT

One of the gang overhears the conversation and tells the others, they’re sure something evil is afoot.

10. INT – DORM ROOM – NIGHT

Another student is attacked inside his dorm room by the demon which entered through a secret passageway inside the dorms.

The student’s body is dragged away from the scene of the attack and down the passageway.

Horror Situation: A student is killed in a dorm room; the body is taken by the demon down a secret passageway to the portal to hell.

• Anxiety: Another student is anxious about the attack on the student from earlier. She shares her concern with another girl in the dorm room with her.

• Dread: The student hears a strange guttural sound behind her, she stops and slowly turns around.

• Shock: The student’s eyes open wide in shock, something growls at her!

• Hysteria: The student screams and tries to escape from the monster.

• Suspense: The student hides inside a closet as the demon passes her.

• Release: The student slowly emerges from the closet; all seems safe now.

• Horror: The student turns around and the demon is right behind her! It slashes the student’s throat with its claws and drags the body into a secret opening into the locker room.

11. INT – SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – DAY

The dean and Deacon Malum assert that the student had a history of mental health issues and was a three-time run away before this disappearance.

The gang are not buying the story and want to investigate the case.

They piece together that both the students share a first name with an apostle.

12. INT – SCHOOL OFFICE – DAY

Jennifer and Nearest are sure that evil is afoot and begin to research the school’s dark history.

The attacks are similar in nature to attacks at the same school twenty years ago.

Jennifer confides in Nearest that she feels lost in life and she doesn’t know what her true path in life is supposed to be.

She tells Nearest that if she ever figures out what that is she’d buy a cool car like Nearest’s red 1969 Camero RS Coupe (nicknamed Lucille) and never look back.

Nearest tells Jennifer to put her faith in God and to “listen for the whispers,” and God will eventually show her the way.

13. INT – JENNIFER’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jennifer tries to recover from the horrible events, the demon appears in the shape of a troubled student and is about to attack.

Nearest appears at the door and the demon resumes the form of the student and leaves.

Horror Situation: Jennifer is confronted by the demon while she’s alone in her room.

• Anguish: Jennifer tries to gather herself from the attack at the portal.

• Suspense: Suddenly, Jennifer hears a creepy, shuffling noise behind her.

• Release: Jennifer spins to reveal, CINDY (14) pint sized, long braided black hair, appealing, thin, looking troubled.

• Surprise/scare: Jennifer has her head turned as she closes the wardrobe door, when she closes the door.

• Monster reveal: When Jennifer closes the door, the horrible image of Yog-Formido appears in the mirror where Cindy was standing!

• Dread: Jennifer stops, an air of dread fills the room, the hairs on the back of her neck stand.

• Terror: Jennifer slowly turns, Cindy is standing there but now there’s an eerie red “aura” around her! Cindy lowers her eyes, they now glow red, Cindy laughs menacingly, Jennifer is terrified!

• Release: Suddenly Nearest appears at the door, Cindy laughs (as a little girl) and leaves, Jennifer rushes over to Nearest and gives him a hug.

14. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – NIGHT

Jennifer confides in Nearest about her synesthesia abilities and says she senses an evil red aura anything evil and around Deacon Malum.

Jennifer is embarrassed because she’s not sure of what she sees as real or a hallucination from her former days as an opioid addict.

Nearest confides in his loss of faith and that he’s familiar with addiction as a recovering alcoholic and tells her to trust her instincts.

Their research uncovers the similarities of the attacks that occurred twenty years ago.

The gang overhears Jennifer and Nearest conversation and tells them they want to help, Jennifer and Nearest are reluctant but relent.

Tom has them all gather together to take a picture and capture the moment of the addition of the two newest members of their mystery solvers club.

15. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer is in the chapel praying; she notices the painting behind the statue of Saint Micheal of archangels fighting demons from hell.

She notices one of the demons, Yog-Formido, resembles what a student described earlier.

The dean arrives and tries to lend some comfort.

Horror Situation: The demon kills Dean Foy with its claws in front of Jennifer.

• Anxiety: Jennifer shares her feelings of anxiety over the killings and their inability to leave the school grounds.

• Dread: The As the dean is trying to lend Jennifer comfort she’s filled with dread and she sees a red “aura,” behind the dean.

• Shock: Jennifer is shocked to see the demon rise up behind the dean!

• Monster reveal: The demon is standing behind the dean!

• Horror: Jennifer is horrified as the demon impales the dean from behind with its huge claws!

• Release: The gang arrive to see the demon sprint towards a dark corner of the chapel.

Suddenly, the dean has two huge black claws impale him in his chest from behind!

Jennifer screams, the gang are nearby hear her and come running.

Jennifer and the gang see a long, tall dark demon running behind an old statue of a gargoyle in the chapel.

16. INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

The gang and Jennifer follow the demon down the passageway, another student follows along.

17. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Jennifer and the gang observe the demon come upon and bright yellow / orange portal to hell.

Renny tries to tackle the demon but is thrown off, the demon slashes the throat of the student that tagged along.

Tom has his stomach slashed open by the demon’s claws before it disappears with the dead student into the portal to hell.

Horror Situation: Jennifer and the gang confront the demon alone.

• Anxiety: Jennifer is anxious as she and the gang navigate the dark passageway to follow the demon.

• Dread: A sense of dread overcomes the gang as the glowing orange / yellow portal floats just around the bend with cries and screams emanating from within.

• Monster reveal: Jennifer is shocked to see the demon appear from the portal!

• Hysteria: Renny shouts and tries to tackle the demon!

• Horror: They are horrified as demon grabs a student that came down with them and rips his throat out!

• Shock: Tom is shocked as the demon takes a swing at him and slashes his stomach with its claws! The demon takes the body back into the portal with it.

• Hysteria: Jennifer is hysterical as Terry and the guys help Tom to his feet, they all scramble back up the passageway to safety.

• Release: The wound to Tom’s stomach looks bad but he says it’s not too deep.

18. INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

The gang helps carry Tom back up the passageway, at the top is Deacon Malum.

Jennifer sees the red aura around the deacon and is sure he’s evil.

19. INT – SCHOOL INFERMARY – NIGHT

The gang get Tom cared for, Nearest arrives Jennifer tells him about the demon and the attack and her suspicions about Deacon Malum.

20. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Deacon Malum summons the demon back and orders it kill Jennifer, Nearest and the gang.

Horror Situation: The deacon summons the demon to kill the gang and Jennifer.

• Dread: Deacon Malum stands in front of the portal and summons the demon.

• Monster reveal: The demon appears from hell.

• Dread: The deacon orders the demon to kill Jennifer and the gang.

21. INT – NEAREST’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Nearest digs out his army old service revolver from his footlocker and makes sure he has bullets.

He also sifts through other items but they’re unseen at the moment.

22. INT – GYM – DAY

Jennifer sees Marley working out on a boxing dummy with a short police baton.

Marley is frustrated that Terry won’t pay her enough attention.

Jennifer assures Marley that she’s awesome and any guy would be lucky to have her for a girlfriend.

23. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

The gang with Jennifer and Nearest regroup in the school chapel.

24. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

The gang confront Deacon Malum at the portal to hell, the gang try to fight the demon but he’s too strong.

Nearest shoots the demon but his bullets don’t hurt it.

One bullet ricochets off the demon and seems to kill Deacon Malum who falls into the portal to hell.

The demon follows the deacon into hell and gang all escape.

Horror Situation: Jennifer, Nearest and the gang confront the demon and Deacon Malum.

• Apprehension: Jennifer, Nearest and gang cautiously round the bend in the dark passageway to come upon the glowing yellow / orange portal to hell.

• Shock: Everyone is shocked to see Deacon Malum at the portal as he summons the demon from hell.

• Monster reveal: The terrifying demon, Yog-Formido appears from hell!

• Panic: Jennifer and Marley both scream in horror.

• Release: Nearest pulls the two behind him for protection.

• Anxiety: Jennifer reminds Nearest that they’re responsible for the gang’s safety and he comforts her.

• Panic: Renny charges ahead of Nearest and sprints at the demon!

• Hysteria: The gang all attack the demon at once but can’t seem to hurt it badly.

• Shock: Nearest shoots the demon and the bullet ricochets off the demon and hits Deacon Malum.

• Panic: The demon strikes Nearest and sends him flying ten feet.

• Hysteria: The gang all retreat back up the passageway to safety.

25. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

Jennifer and the gang begin to look for clues about the demon and what it wants.

They learn that the demon comes out every twenty and must kill twelve students with the same first name of the apostles to escape the school grounds.

They learn that the demon can be harmed by holy objects and a sword gifted by a saint can pierce its skin.

He tells the gang the additional research with Marley and Johnny has revealed that the demon is not alone and there are four other demons in portals to hell under other Catholic schools with a dark history

The demon can take and shape of any living human / animal but its true appearance is revealed in the reflection of a holy object.

Nearest is nearby and can hear the story but leaves Jennifer and the kids alone to bond.

26. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Nearest is alone in the chapel and rediscovers his faith in God, the statue of Saint Michael seems to come alive and gifts Nearest with the sword of Saint Michael.

27. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer and the gang arrive at the chapel, ready to face the demon, armed with their new knowledge and resolve.

28. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Renny and the gang are all armed with various holy objects that take turns hurting the demon.

It tries to escape to hell but Nearest blocks its path, they battle and Nearest stabs the demon in the side with the sword.

As the demon is dying and falling into hell, it pulls Nearest along with it!

Nearest smiles at Jennifer and hands her the sword of Saint Micheal and she sees the aura of a bright white halo over Nearest’s head.

Nearest yells at Jennifer to look deep inside his footlocker in his room as he falls into the pits of hell.

Horror Situation: The Jennifer, Nearest and the gang confront the demon at the portal to hell for a final showdown.

• Anxiety: Jennifer, Nearest and the gang cautiously venture back down the dark passageway that leads to the glowing portal to hell.

• Surprise/scare: Suddenly, something runs across Jennifer’s feet! She squeals and jumps back in horror.

• Release: Marley points to the corner, Renny lights up the spot, it’s just a mouse.

• Monster reveal: The demon, Yog-Formido leaps from the portal ready to attack, and bares its fangs and flashes its claws.

• Shock: The gang jump back in shock at the ferocity of the demon.

• Fear: Jennifer and Marley are terrified, Marley grabs Terry by the arm.

• Release: Terry tries to ease Marley’s fear as Nearest settles the gang down and moves up to take the point.

• Panic: The demon takes a swing at Marley and barely misses her but catches Terry’s arm and cuts him badly.

• Release: Terry says he’s OK and keeps on fighting.

• Shock: Nearest charges forward and drives the sword of St. Michael into the demon’s side! The demon appears fatally wounded as the demon is staggering backwards, it grabs Nearest and impales him with its claws!

• Hysteria: Nearest is dying and tells Jennifer to get the gang to safety and gifts Jennifer the sword of St. Michael. As Nearest is falling into the portal to hell, Nearest tells Jennifer to look deep into his footlocker before he disappears!

• Panic: Jennifer and the gang flee back up the passageway to get Terry cared for.

• Release: The gang are happy to have beaten the demon but saddened at the horrible cost of Nearest’s life.

29. EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – DAY

The snowstorm breaks and the bridge to school is repaired, the authorities arrive, the school is safe, for now.

30. INT – SCHOOL INFERMARY – DAY

Jennifer and the gang visit Tom who is still recovering from the wounds.

Tom also tells Jennifer that the old scroll they all discovered relates that anyone who has been gifted the sword of a saint by a saint or an angel must find the other four demons and destroy them.

31. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – NIGHT

Jennifer and the gang talk about their adventure and examine the newly gifted sword of Saint Michael, Jennifer tells them that she’s leaving school, she has found her purpose in life.

Jennifer tells the gang that they’re all going to turn out great if they take care of each other and there’s a big group hug.

32. INT – NEAREST’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jennifer enters Nearest’s bedroom and finds his old army footlocker.

She looks over old army memorabilia and old family photos.

Next to family photos and the new picture of Nearest with Jennifer and the gang that Tom took earlier.

Jennifer smiles and pockets the picture and continues to look in the footlocker.

Jennifer discovers and false bottom in the locker and pulls out the bottom to reveal a cache of hundreds of thousands of dollars wrapped in neatly packed bundles.

There’s a note on top of the money from Nearest, he tells her he thinks that she’s found her purpose in life now and to go hunt down those four other demons and finish God’s work.

Nearest goes on to tell Jennifer to take good care of Lucille and that she gets a little skittish at anything over 120 mph.

Jennifer empties the envelope and the keys to Lucille and his dog tags fall into her palm. Jennifer smiles and pockets them both.

33. INT – SCHOOL SHOP CLASS – DAY

Terry, Johnny and Marley look over Renny’s handiwork on a storage case for the sword of St. Michael.

They marvel at the shiny new gun metal grey case and hi five Renny.

34. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer sits alone and prays for the strength to complete her noble quest.

The camera pulls back to reveal the gang just behind her, giving her space to be alone.

Soon they all hug and promise to stay in touch with each other.

Marley gifts Jennifer with a newly fashioned sturdy but ornately designed grey metal storage case made by Renny to store and take care of the sword of Saint Michael.

The image of Saint Michael fighting demons is embossed on the cover of the case.

They all wander back over to the painting behind the statue of Saint Michael.

They’re all astonished to see what appears to be Nearest in the painting, battling Yog-Formido in the pits of hell alongside other heavenly archangels.

35. EXT – TRAIN CROSSING – DAY

Jennifer sits in silence in Lucille at a red traffic signal, waiting for the train to pass.

Her signal blinkers are flashing to her intention to turn right.

She glances over at the grey metal storage case in the passenger seat and lovingly pats it.

As the train flies by, it’s travelling right to left, Jennifer spots a familiar face riding onboard.

Time seems to slow to a crawl for a moment.

A red aura surrounds Deacon Malum [David Dastmalchian], their eyes meet.

Deacon Malum has a devilish grin as he gazes at Jennifer and slowly pulls the shade down.

When the train passes, the gates go up, and the signal turns green.

Jennifer smiles to herself, then pats the grey metal case again as she changes her turn signal to left.

Jennifer pulls back onto the road and turns the car left in the direction the train is rolling, then she revs the engine on the bright red hot rod for a moment.

Lucille sounds like a ferocious beast that’s ready to be unleashed.

Jennifer pulls out Nearest’s dog tags the crucifix that she now wears around her neck and kisses both keepsakes before tucking them back under her shirt.

Jennifer brings up her Spotify and dials up “Lucille” by Little Richard.

Jennifer cranks the volume up to ten and punches the gas, Lucille roars to life and fish tails down the road towards the speeding train, on a mission from God.

• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Scary-As-Hell Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is, once you have your Horror Map figured out, it's much easier to write the scene of interest with all of your steps in place.

1. Full Out Horror: Jennifer, Nearest and the gang confront the demon for a final battle at the portal to hell.

2. SEQUENCE THE HORROR EMOTIONS

• From Anxiety to Panic

B. What emotions go in between the bottom and top emotion?

• Anxiety, Shock, Fear, Panic, Shock, Hysteria, Panic

C. What is the physical representation of each emotion?

• Anxiety: Jennifer, Nearest and the gang cautiously venture back down the dark passageway that leads to the glowing portal to hell.

• Shock: This time, the demon appears more enraged than ever, the gang jump back in shock at the ferocity of the demon.

• Fear: Jennifer and Marley are terrified, Marley grabs Terry by the arm. Terry tries to ease her fear as Nearest settles the gang down and moves up to take the point.

• Panic: The demon takes a swing at Marley and barely misses her but catches Terry’s arm and cuts him badly.

• Shock: Nearest charges forward and drives the sword of St. Michael into the demon’s side!

The demon appears fatally wounded as the demon is staggering backwards, it grabs Nearest and impales him with its claws!

• Hysteria: Nearest is dying and tells Jennifer to get the gang to safety and gifts Jennifer the sword of St. Michael.

As Nearest is falling into the portal to hell, Nearest tells Jennifer to look deep into his footlocker before he disappears!

• Panic: Jennifer and the gang flee back up the passageway to get Terry cared for.

3. ADD IN SCARES AND RELEASES

SCENE: Full Out Horror: Jennifer, Nearest and the gang confront the demon for a final battle at the portal to hell.

Anxiety: Jennifer, Nearest and the gang cautiously venture back down the dark passageway that leads to the glowing portal to hell.

• Surprise/scare: Suddenly, something runs across Jennifer’s feet! She squeals and jumps back in horror.

• Release: Marley points to the corner, Renny lights up the spot, it’s just a mouse.

• Shock: This time, the demon appears more enraged than ever, the gang jump back in shock at the ferocity of the demon.

• Fear: Jennifer and Marley are terrified, Marley grabs Terry by the arm.

Terry tries to ease her fear as Nearest settles the gang down and moves up to take the point.

• Panic: The demon takes a swing at Marley and barely misses her but catches Terry’s arm and cuts him badly.

• Release: Terry says he’s OK and keeps on fighting.

• Shock: Nearest charges forward and drives the sword of St. Michael into the demon’s side!

The demon appears fatally wounded as the demon is staggering backwards, it grabs Nearest and impales him with its claws!

• Hysteria: Nearest is dying and tells Jennifer to get the gang to safety and gifts Jennifer the sword of St. Michael.

As Nearest is falling into the portal to hell, Nearest tells Jennifer to look deep into his footlocker before he disappears!

• Panic: Jennifer and the gang flee back up the passageway to get Terry cared for.

DIRE FALLS

INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

Jennifer, Nearest and the gang anxiously navigate down the dark passageway while Renny lights the way.

Suddenly, Jennifer shrieks as something runs over her foot!

JENNIFER
Ah!

The gang stops, Nearest runs over to Jennifer.

NEAREST
You OK?!

Marley tugs at Jennifer’s elbow and points to a corner, Renny shines his light in that direction, a small mouse scampers up the dirt passageway.

Jennifer blushes, the gang laugh a little and push on.

The glowing orange / yellow portal is around the bend, no sign of the demon yet.

Once again, distant cries and screams can be heard emanating from deep inside the floating portal.

Nearest stops the group just short of the bend, Jennifer gets next to him.

NEAREST
I’m on point, got it?

Everyone nods,

NEAREST
Weapons check.

Marley pulls out her collapsible twenty one inch police baton from her backpack.

With a hard snap of her wrist the baton fully extends!

JOHNNY
You brought the big one! Oh man, that monster’s had it!

Marley smiles, as she examines the sturdy baton.

MARLEY
And it’s supercharged, Nearest blessed it and sprinkled some holy water on it.

The gang look amazed, Terry holds up the large crucifix he had before, Johnny has a large vial of holy water, Renny raises the scepter.

Nearest steps forward and pulls out the sword of St. Michael from a canvas duffle bag.

The gang marvel at the long sword with the bejeweled hilt.

RENNY
We gotta get you a better case for that!

As the gang marvel at the sacred weapon, Jennifer looks dejected as she holds up the simple silver crucifix Nearest gave her.

Nearest pats her on the shoulder.

NEAREST
Remember kiddo, “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”

Jennifer smiles weakly,

NEAREST
Besides, we got Marley representing the ladies. I think she could take on Rambo!

Jennifer and the gang look at Nearest, puzzled.

MARLEY
Who’s Rambo?

It’s Nearest’s turn to look dejected.

NEAREST
Lord give me strength, let’s go.

As they round the bend, the eerie pulsating portal grows brighter.

Yog-Formido leaps from the portal and flashes its huge fangs and claws!

Its red eyes glow with hate as it growls! GROWL!

The aura around the demon is bright red, Jennifer is shocked!

JENNIFER
Ah!

Nearest pulls Marley behind Jennifer and takes the point.

Nearest steps forward and holds up the sword of St. Michael.

The demon’s red eyes widen, it steps back, Marley shouts from behind Jennifer.

MARLEY
It’s afraid of the sword!

NEAREST
Recognize this, you two are about to get real close! Charge!

The guys all rush forward, Johnny throws the holy water on the demon!

Its black skin smokes as the demon roars in agony! ROAR!

Nearest thrusts the sword at the demon but it knocks his arm away before he can land a solid blow.

Renny bashes the demon on its side with the long scepter, it roars again! ROAR!

The demon flails at the gang with its long claws but barely misses them all.

Marley charges forward with her baton!

MARLEY
Ah!

Marley strikes the demon on the side of its head!

It roars in agony and stumbles backwards and flails away again.

This time, it slashes Terry’s arm!

TERRY
Ah!

Terry stumbles back holding his arm, Jennifer and Marley are terrified and they rush over.

JENNIFER
You OK?!

Terry nods as he moves his hand, this cut isn’t too deep.

Marley wraps a handkerchief around it.

Terry is grateful and they share a sweet moment.

The demon roars at Jennifer, she thrusts her crucifix in its face and burns its skin!

The demon roars again! ROAR!

Jennifer jumps back, Nearest charges again and trusts the sword deep into the demon’s side!

It howls in agony! ROAR!

The demon staggers backwards to the portal and the gang all cheer!

But then, the demon grabs Nearest by his shirt and pulls him close and impales him in the stomach with its claws!

The gang are shocked, Jennifer cries out.

JENNIFER
Nearest!

The demon pulls Nearest with it as the portal begins to shrink around them!

The gang all shout as Nearest looks back at Jennifer as she runs to the portal.

NEAREST
Take care of the kids, I’m going to finish this filth!

Then, Nearest pulls the sword from the demon and hands it to Jennifer!

Jennifer trembles as she holds the sacred weapon, she’s overcome with a surge of immense power!

Then, Jennifer is shocked, Nearest now has a bright white aura around him and a glowing halo over his head!

Jennifer points to the halo as Nearest smiles weakly.

NEAREST
Look deep in my locker! You might find what you’re looking for!

With tear filled eyes, Jennifer nods as Nearest and the demon disappear into the portal!

The glowing portal closes, Jennifer, now holding the sword, comforts Marley who’s crying as well.

Renny offers the canvas bag to Jennifer, she stores the sword as they all stagger back up the passageway.

The gang dispaly a mixture of emotions, high spirits for beating the demon but at a terrible cost.

Terry’s arm appears to be OK but still needs medical attention.

Back inside the passageway, all is quiet again, the evil has passed.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Scares, Releases and Creepy Moments!

What I learned doing this assignment is that developing the skills to create scares, releases and creepy moments are some of the most rewarding aspects of horror screenwriting.

DIRE FALLS

INT – JENNIFER’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jennifer tries to gather herself from the troubling discovery her and Nearest made in the library about similar attacks at Dire Falls Academy twenty years ago.

Jennifer stands at the tall, mirrored wooden wardrobe and admires the silver crucifix Nearest gave her earlier which she wears around her neck.

Jennifer opens the wardrobe door and removes her sweater when suddenly, she hears a creepy, shuffling noise behind her!

Jennifer spins to reveal, CINDY (14) pint sized, long braided black hair, appealing, thin, looking troubled.

Jennifer settles as Cindy relates how scared she is because of the horrible events that have happened at the school.

Jennifer gets down to Cindy’s height and pulls her in close, she reassures her that she and Nearest will keep her safe.

Cindy gives Jennifer a big embrace, then Jennifer stores her sweater in the wardrobe and removes her (blessed) crucifix and hangs in on a hook inside the wardrobe.

Jennifer has her head turned as she closes the wardrobe, when she closes the door, for and instant, the horrible image of Yog-Formido appears in the mirror where Cindy was standing!

Jennifer stops, an air of dread fills the room, the hairs on the back of her neck stand.

Jennifer slowly turns, Cindy is standing there but now there’s an eerie red “aura” around her!

Cindy lowers her eyes and laughs menacingly, Jennifer is terrified!

Suddenly, Nearest appears at the door, Cindy laughs (as a little girl) and leaves, Jennifer rushes over to Nearest and gives him a hug.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Level 3 Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is that the art of creating emotional rollercoasters of anguish, panic, terror, and hysteria are one of the most rewarding aspects of horror screenwriting.

DIRE FALLS

Jennifer, Nearest and gang cautiously round the bend in the dark passageway to come upon the glowing yellow / orange portal to hell!

Cries of anguish and screams emanate from deep inside the portal, Marley clutches Terry by the arm.

Deacon Malum stands beside the portal, repeating his chants in Latin.

DEACOM MALUM
(Latin)

Come forward warrior! Serve the dark lord’s messenger!

The horrible figure of Yog-Formido appears at the portal and growls! GROWL!

It’s seven feet tall with long, slender limbs, huge claws and long fangs!

Jennifer and Marley scream and panic, Nearest pulls them behind him to protect them.

Nearest, his army service revolver in hand, motions to Terry and the guys to get ready.

Suddenly, Jennifer pulls Nearest by the arm, they retreat a few paces from the gang.

JENNIFER
(nervous)

We’re in charge of these kids, we should wait for the police.

NEAREST

We’re trapped here with the deacon and that thing; the cops won't get here for days.

If we don’t do something now, more people could die, we have to step up.

Jennier is still anxious but relents.

JENNIFER

If this is what’s it’s like to be a responsible adult, it’s overrated.

Nearest gives her a wink and a nod, Jennifer smiles weakly.

NEAREST

Don’t worry kiddo, I’ve led plenty of troops into firefights, I’ll take care of them.

Nearest moves back up to the front with the guys, Jennifer and Marley stay back.

NEAREST

I’ll take the point, you guys, back me up!

Terry and the guys form up, Renny looks ready for a fight.

Terry has a large, silver crucifix, Johnny has a glass vial of holy water, Renny wields the gold scepter with the image of Jesus Christ embossed on crown from earlier at the chapel.

RENNY

Let’s finish this monster!

Suddenly, Renny sprints past Nearest and charges towards the demon!

NEAREST
(panic)

I’m on point!

Too late, the gang all charge forward together!

The monster growls at the gang! GROWL!

Jennifer and Marley scream!

Ah! Ah!

The monster lunges forward with its claws open; Johnny throws his holy water on the demon!

The demon roars in agony as the blessed water burns its black hide, ROAR!

Renny strikes the demon’s side with the scepter, it staggers backwards!

Terry thrusts the crucifix at the demon and burns its skin, it roars again, ROAR!

The demon reels for a moment then gathers itself, Deacon Malum laughs manically HA! HA!

DEACON MALUM

Little trinkets from your failed God won’t defeat my champion!

Nearest charges ahead with his revolver and aims for the demon’s heart!

NEAREST

Oh yeah, how about some hot lead from Smith & Wesson!

Nearest shoots the demon square in the chest, the shot stuns the demon, it roars again, ROAR!

The bullet merely scratches the hide of the demon but ricochets off!

DEACON MALUM

Ah!

The bullet hits Deacon Malum in his stomach, he cries in pain again, Ah!

The demon roars and charges at the gang again, more terrifying than ever!

TERRY

We can’t kill it!

The demon swings its long arms and strikes Nearest hard and sends him flying ten feet!

JENNIFER

Nearest!

Deacon Malum is bleeding from his stomach and stumbles backwards towards the portal.

The demon swings its arm again and almost takes Terry’s head off!

JENNIFER

We have to get out of here!

The demon roars again, ROAR!

The gang gather themselves and help Nearest to his feet and hysterically sprint back up the dirt passageway!

The demon takes Deacon Malum under its arm and dives into the portal to disappear.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Level 2 Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is that the art of creating emotional rollercoasters of fear, suspense and dread is one of the most rewarding aspects of horror screenwriting.

DIRE FALLS

INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer and the gang observe a tall, black figure running into a dark corner of the chapel.

RENNY

What is that?!

TOM
(dread)

I don’t want to know!

MARLEY

Let’s check it out!

Jennifer

Guys, we should wait, at least for Nearest.

TERRY

We could lose it! You saw what it did to Dean Foy!

JENNIFER

That’s why we should wait!

JOHNNY

Come on guys!

The gang rush towards the dark corner of the chapel, Jennifer reluctantly follows.

They come upon a huge marble statue of a gargoyle.

Johnny pulls out his powerful mini flashlight and illuminates the area.

The statue is imposing to behold, the ferocious looking gargoyle is perched on a mountain of crushed skulls.

MARLEY

I’ve never seen this before, it’s scary as hell!

JENNIFER

Guys, I'm supposed to be the adult here, no swearing in the chapel, please!

Terry spots something at the base of the statue.

TERRY

Johhny, what’s that along the base?

Johnny illuminates the base of the gargoyle statue; it’s covered in ancient text engraved into the marble.

Johnny, Terry and Marley all move closer, Tom stays a good distance back.

JOHNNY

That’s Latin, I’m sure of it, Marley?

Marley and Johnny both move in closer and run their hands along the engraved scripture.

TERRY

Can you read it?

Johnny and Marley slowly read the script together.

JOHNNY and MARLEY

“On the twentieth year, the dark lord will be avenged.”

Jennifer’s eye widen in fear as an “aura” of red suddenly appears around the statue!

A yellow / orange glow appears in a crack in the wall behind the statue too!

Jennifer covers her mouth and points to the crack in the wall.

TERRY

What? What do you see?

Jennifer continues to point to the crevice in the wall, the gang move in closer.

RENNY

What is that?!

There’s more writing on the base of the statue next to the crevice.

MARLEY

“Souls lost, never to return, all who enter.”

Suddenly, the huge statue moves away from the wall to widen the crevice!

The gang jump back as the yellow / orange glow emits from the widened crevice.

Sounds can be heard deep inside; it sounds like chanting in a foreign tongue.

TERRY

There’s somebody in there!

RENNY

Let’s go!

JENNIFER
(dread)

You just heard Marley, two seconds ago! “Souls lost,” “all who enter!”

TOM

I’m with Jennifer, I’m not going in there!

Renny pulls on the statue, the huge gargoyle moves further away from the wall to reveal a dark passage!

JENNIFER

Oh, hell no!

The gang reply in unison.

THE GANG

Language!

It’s Jennifer’s turn to blush, Johnny sticks the flashlight inside the crevice to reveal a downward sloping dirt passageway.

JOHNNY

It looks like it goes down a good ways.

RENNY

I say we check it out.

TERRY

Somebody’s in there.

MARLEY

With whatever killed Dean Foy!

Tension hangs in the air for a moment, Jennifer shakes her head.

JENNIFER
(dread)

I can’t protect you guys alone; we can’t go in there.

Suspense for a few moments, then Terry finally steps up.

TERRY

That’s why we’re going in together, everybody stay close.

Jennifer and the gang venture into the dark passageway as the eyes on the gargoyle now burn red!

• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Level 1 Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is the art of creating emotional rollercoasters is one of the most rewarding aspects of horror screenwriting.

DIRE FALLS

FADE IN

INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

Inside a dimly lit passageway, SIMON (15), slight build, sandy hair, big eyes to match his outsized curiosity moves cautiously down the dirt path.

SIMON (apprehensive)

You sure it’s OK?

A black garbed arm just offscreen motions for Simon to continue.

As Simon slowly moves down the dark path he notices and bright orange / yellow glow emanating from just around the corner.

Simon cautiously peers around the corner, he’s stunned to observe a swirling orange/yellow “portal” that appears to be floating in the air just above ground.

Distant cries and screams seem to be emanating from inside the eerie portal.

The dark hooded figure stands next to the glowing portal and extends his hand.

Suddenly, a hideous figure appears at the mouth of the portal, its huge eyes burn red.

Simon’s eyes open wide.

SIMON (shocked)

What is that?!

The dark figure laughs maniacally, a long black hand with huge claws reaches from inside the portal towards Simon!

Simon shrieks in horror and runs back up the dark path as the demon growls, GROWL!

SIMON

Ah!

Simon sprints back up the path, heavy padded footsteps can be heard behind him.

Simon reaches the top of the path and pulls on a large metal door; the footsteps grow louder.

A long black arm with long claws reaches for Simon!

Simon finally pulls the door open and runs out into the dark, snowy night, just in time to evade the claws of the demon!

• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Horror Outline Version 1

What I learned doing this assignment is if you follow the rough outline that you’ve already laid out, you can get good idea of where your story works and what needs to be refined.

INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

A terrified student runs along a dark passage, growls can be heard close behind. The student pulls on an old metal door, but he can’t open it.

EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT

The student finally opens the door and tries to escape; a huge claw spins him around and he screams in horror.

The student is torn to pieces and left on the snowy school grounds.

INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

The school is buzzing with the news of the attack. There’s a rumor going around that a similar string of attacks happened at the school every twenty years ago.

The gang discreetly discusses the grisly murder during study hall, the janitor, “Nearest,” overhears them.

INT – SCHOOL OFFICE – DAY

Jennifer and Nearest are friends and are having lunch together, Nearest tells Jennifer about the gang’s interest in the killing.

Nearest tells Jennifer that the gang is known for solving small time mysteries around school like stolen property etc.

INT – SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – DAY

The dean of the school and a visiting priest, Deacon Malum [David Dastmalchian], tell the students the student must have been killed by a wild animal and not to spread crazy rumors.

INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

Jennifer and Nearest tell the gang not to get involved in the school investigation since it could be dangerous.

Discreetly, the gang plan to ignore the warnings and continue their own investigation.

EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT

That night, a violent snowstorm hit the area, the whole student body is socked in on the school grounds.

INT – LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT

During the violent storm, a student is brutally murdered inside the locker room and the body is taken down a secret passageway.

Nearest finds the blood in the locker room and alerts the dean, Deacon Malum is on the scene too.

INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – NIGHT

One of the gang overhears the conversation and tells the others, they’re sure something evil is afoot.

INT – DORM ROOM – NIGHT

Another student is attacked inside his dorm room by the demon which entered through a secret passageway inside the dorms.

The student’s body is dragged away from the scene of the attack and down the passageway.

INT – SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – DAY

The dean and Deacon Malum assert that the student had a history of mental health issues and was a three-time run away before this disappearance.

The gang are not buying the story and want to investigate the case.

They piece together that both the students share a first name with an apostle.

INT – SCHOOL OFFICE – DAY

Jennifer and Nearest are sure that evil is afoot and begin to research the school’s dark history.

Jennifer confides in Nearest that she feels lost in life and she doesn’t know what her true path in life is supposed to be.

She tells Nearest that if she ever figures out what that is she’d buy a cool car like Nearest’s red 1969 Camero RS Coupe (nicknamed Lucille) and never look back.

Nearest tells Jennifer to put her faith in God and to “listen for the whispers,” and God will eventually show her the way.

EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT

That night, another violent snowstorm knocks out the only bridge that connects the school to the main road, everyone is trapped on the school grounds for a while at least.

INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – NIGHT

Jennifer confides in Nearest about her synesthesia abilities and says she senses an evil red aura around Deacon Malum.

Jennifer is embarrassed because she’s not sure of what she sees as real or a hallucination from her former days as an opioid addict.

Nearest confides in his loss of faith and that he’s familiar with addiction as a recovering alcoholic and tells her to trust her instincts.

Their research uncovers the similarities of the attacks that occurred twenty years ago.

The gang overhears Jennifer and Nearest conversation and tells them they want to help, Jennifer and Nearest are reluctant but relent.

Tom has them all gather together to take a picture and capture the moment of the addition of the two newest members of their mystery solvers club.

INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer is in the chapel praying; she notices the painting behind the statue of Saint Micheal of archangels fighting demons from hell.

She notices one of the demons, Yog-Formido, resembles what a student described earlier.

The dean arrives and tries to lend some comfort.

Suddenly, the dean has two huge black claws impale him in his chest from behind!

Jennifer screams, the gang are nearby hear her and come running.

The demon kills another student with its claws as it escapes the chapel.

Jennifer and the gang see a long, tall dark demon running behind an old statue of a gargoyle in the chapel.

INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

The gang and Jennifer follow the demon down the passageway, another student follows along.

INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Jennifer and the gang observe the demon come upon and bright yellow / orange portal to hell.

Renny tries to tackle the demon but is thrown off, the demon rips the head off the student that tagged along.

Tom has his stomach slashed open by the demon’s claws before it disappears with the dead student into the portal to hell.

INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

The gang helps carry Tom back up the passageway, at the top is Deacon Malum.

Jennifer sees the red aura around the deacon and is sure he’s evil.

INT – SCHOOL INFERMARY – NIGHT

The gang get Tom cared for, Nearest arrives Jennifer tells him about the demon and the attack and her suspicions about Deacon Malum.

INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Deacon Malum summons the demon back and orders it kill Jennifer, Nearest and the gang.

INT – NEAREST’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Nearest digs out his army old service revolver from his footlocker and makes sure he has bullets.

INT – DORM ROOM – NIGHT

Another student is killed inside their dorm room by the taking the shape of the student’s roommate.

INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

The gang with Jennifer and Nearest regroup in the school chapel.

INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

The gang confront Deacon Malum at the portal to hell, the gang try to fight the demon but he’s too strong.

Nearest shoots the demon but his bullets don’t hurt it.

One bullet ricochets off the demon and seems to kill Deacon Malum who falls into the portal to hell.

The demon follows the deacon into hell and gang all escape.

INT – JENNIFER’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jennifer tries to recover from the horrible events, the demon appears in the shape of a troubled student and is about to attack.

Jennifer sees the red aura around the student and hurts the demon with an ampule of holy water, and it assumes its true shape and escapes by using a secret passage that leads to her room.

INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

Jennifer and the gang begin to look for clues about the demon and what it wants.

They learn that the demon comes out every twenty and must kill twelve students with the same first name of the apostles to escape the school grounds.

They learn that the demon can be harmed by holy objects and a sword gifted by a saint can pierce its skin.

He tells the gang the additional research with Marley and Johnny has revealed that the demon is not alone and there are four other demons in portals to hell under other Catholic schools with a dark history

The demon and take and shape of any living human / animal but its true appearance is revealed in the reflection of a holy object.

Nearest is nearby and can hear the story but leaves the kids alone to bond.

INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Nearest is alone in the chapel and rediscovers his faith in God, the statue of Saint Michael seems to come alive and gifts Nearest with the sword of Saint Michael.

The gang arrives and catch the demon about to attack Nearest.

The demon sees that Nearest now wields the sword of Saint Micheal and flees down the passageway back to the portal to hell.

INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Renny and the gang are all armed with various holy objects that take turns hurting the demon.

It tries to escape to hell but Nearest blocks its path, they battle and Nearest stabs the demon in the chest with the sword.

As the demon is dying and falling into hell, it pulls Nearest along with it!

Nearest smiles at Jennifer and hands her the sword of Saint Micheal and she sees the aura of a bright white halo over Nearest’s head.

Nearest yells at Jennifer to look deep inside his footlocker in his room as he falls into the pits of hell.

EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – DAY

The snowstorm breaks and the bridge to school is repaired, the authorities arrive, the school is safe, for now.

INT – SCHOOL INFERMARY – DAY

Jennifer and the gang visit Tom who is still recovering from the wounds.

Tom tells Jennifer that the old scroll they all discovered relates that anyone who has been gifted the sword of a saint by a saint or an angel must find the other four demons and destroy them.

INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – NIGHT

Jennifer and the gang talk about their adventure and examine the newly gifted sword of Saint Michael, Jennifer tells them that she’s leaving school, she has found her purpose in life.

Jennifer tells the gang that they’re all going to turn out great if they take care of each other and there’s a big group hug.

INT – NEAREST’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jennifer enters Nearest’s bedroom and finds his old army footlocker.

She looks over old army memorabilia and old family photos.

Next to family photos and a crucifix is the new picture of Nearest with Jennifer and the gang that Tom took earlier.

Jennifer smiles and pockets the picture and continues to look in the footlocker.

Jennifer discovers a "false bottom" in the locker and pulls out the bottom to reveal a cache of hundreds of thousands of dollars wrapped in neatly packed bundles.

There’s a note on top of the money from Nearest, he tells her he thinks that she’s found her purpose in life and to take the money and hunt down those four other demons and finish God’s work.

Nearest goes on to tell Jennifer to take good care of Lucille and that she gets a little skittish at anything over 120mph.

Jennifer empties the envelope and the keys to Lucille and his dog tags and a silver crucifix both on a metal chain fall into her palm, Jennifer smiles and pockets them both.

INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer sits alone and prays for the strength to complete her noble quest.

The camera pulls back to reveal the gang just behind her, giving her space to be alone.

Soon they all hug and promise to stay in touch with each other.

Marley gifts Jennifer with a newly fashioned sturdy but ornately designed grey metal storage case made by Renny to store and take care of the sword of Saint Michael.

The image of Saint Michael is embossed on the cover of the case.

Jennifer tells that gang that as long as they stay true to themselves and take care of each other they are going to turn out great.

They all wander back over to the painting behind the statue of Saint Michael.

They’re all astonished to see what appears to be Nearest in the painting, battling Yog-Formido in the pits of hell alongside other heavenly archangels.

EXT – TRAIN CROSSING – DAY

Jennifer sits in silence in Lucille at a red traffic signal, waiting for the train to pass.

Her signal blinkers are flashing to her intention to turn right.

She glances over at the grey metal storage case in the passenger seat and lovingly pats it.

As the train flies by, it’s travelling right to left, Jennifer spots a familiar face riding onboard.

Time seems to slow to a crawl for a moment.

A red aura surrounds Deacon Malum [David Dastmalchian], their eyes meet.

Deacon Malum has a devilish grin as he gazes at Jennifer and slowly pulls the shade down.

Time speeds back up to the present, when the train passes, the gates go up, and the signal turns green.

Jennifer smiles to herself, then pats the grey metal case again as she changes her turn signal to left.

Jennifer pulls onto the road and turns the car left in the direction the train is rolling, then she revs the engine on the bright red hot rod for a moment.

Lucille sounds like a ferocious beast, ready to be unleashed on the world.

Jennifer pulls out Nearest’s dog tags and the crucifix that she now wears around her neck and kisses both keepsakes before tucking them back under her shirt.

Jennifer brings up her Spotify on the high tech stereo system and dials up “Lucille” by Little Richard.

Jennifer puts her Ray Ban Aviators on, cranks the volume up to ten and punches the gas, Lucille roars to life and fish tails down the road towards the speeding train, on a mission from God.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Character Journey Track

What I learned from doing this assignment was that creating characters that the audience can relate to and will form an emotional investment in their survival is key when creating a successful horror franchise.

CHARACTER PROFILES:

1. WILLIAM HARPER “JOHNNY” LITTLEJOHN (16) – The Moral One

– Role: Biology, archaeology, and geology student, loves all things science and biology related.

– Traits: Tall, gangly, very smart but shy too, loves science but religious as well.

– Fears: Loss of control, things he can’t figure out, fear of the devil and evil.

– Wants/Needs: He wants to feel validated and appreciated for his science skills.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: Very shy but likable, loves to dig in for clues no matter where he / they have to look. Open to believing in the unbelievable. A loyal friend who will fight to protect those in danger.

– How They React Under Stress: Relies on science to explain the believable and religion to explain the unbelievable. Acts fast when others are in danger.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Very close with the gang who he grew up with.

– Connection with Jennifer: Johnny see the challenges that Jennifer has endured to get her life sober and back in order and is amazed at her synesthesia ability. What’s Jennifer to open up about her experience of being clinically dead for two minutes, did she see God / the devil? Did she see anything at all?

– Protective of Marley: Johnny secretly has a crush on Marley but know that she only has eyes for Terry.

– Suspicious of Deacon Malum: Keeps an eye the deacon, especially once Jennifer warns the gang that she senses evil in him.

2. JOHN “RENNY” RENWICK JR (16) – The Rebel / Rule Breaker

– Role: Ready to fight at a moment’s notice, willing to dig in and help Johnny and the gang search for clues.

– Traits: African American, tall, large build, engineering wiz, loves to wrestle and box in his spare time.

– Fears: Fear of failing to help the gang, fear of not living up to his own high bar for success.

– Wants/Needs: Wants to fight for the side of good and destroy evil including racism.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: Renny is ready to fight to protect his friends from any wrongdoing or evil no matter if it’s human or demon.

– How They React Under Stress: Wants to understand what the enemy is and if he can’t beat it with science he’s will to use his fists.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Close to Tom: Protective of Tom since he is smaller and picked on sometimes at school for his size.

– Supportive of Terry: Renny wants to help Terry and the gang solve the mystery of the murdered students.

– Suspicious of Deacon Malum: Renny also does not trust Deacon Malum.

3. THOMAS “TOM” ROBERTS (15) – The Monster Bait / Victim

– Role: Tom is the doubter of the gang and wants to avoid confrontations at all costs.

– Traits: Short, skinny, pale as a sheet, electrical wiz, has bad asthma which is worsened by extreme exertion but is controlled with twice monthly injections and daily medication.

– Fears: Being seen as inadequate or a drag on the gang because of his size and asthma, but inside he has the heart of a lion.

– Wants/Needs: Wants to maintain control and prove that he can handle the crisis. He needs to be seen as strong and capable.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: Tom is very likable as he’s grown up with Terry and the gang, he’s closest to Renny who protects him from bullies at school.

– How They React Under Stress: Tom’s asthma symptoms get worse under stressful situations so he keeps plenty of inhalers nearby.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Close to Renny: Renny protects Tom from any bullies at school.

4. MISAKI “MARLEY” BROOKS (15) – The Love Interest

– Role: Marley loves using her intelligence to help the gang solve mysteries.

– Traits: Asian, small, cute girl, extremely intelligent, sharp wit, likes to practice fencing and martial arts Bo staff fighting.

– Fears: Being seen a less because of her size and age and not needed by the gang.

– Wants/Needs: Marley is very attracted to Terry but too shy to say anything.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: Marley may be small in size, but her heart is huge and so is her fighting spirit, she’ll fight to protect her friends against anyone / anything that means them harm.

– How They React Under Stress: Marley jumps into action when danger is nearby, she may be small but she has the heart of a lion and fights like one too.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Attracted to Terry – Marley is very attracted to Terry but too shy to say anything.

– Mutual Respect with Nearest: Marley respects Nearest for his sacrifices and trauma from the Iraqi war, her grandfather was in WWII and fought against the Allied forces.

– Sympathy for Jennifer: Marley feels for Jennifer and the pain she’s endured from her opioid addiction to her near death and is drawn to her and the only other female in the gang.

– Suspicious of Deacon Malum: Marley’s radar is up and shares her unease around the deacon along with Renny and Johnny.

5. TERRENCE “TERRY” LEE JR (16) – The Leader

– Role: Terry is the de facto leader of the gang, he’s smart but caring and giving.

– Traits: Tall, wiry, dark skinned, intense, has Asperger's syndrome, very smart.

– Fears: Terry wants to keep his friends safe and solve the mystery of the murders at the school while they’re cut off from outside help. He fears failure and his disorder will be a hindrance to the gang.

– Wants/Needs: Terry needs to feel like he’s “normal,” even though he knows he’s not.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: When one of the students goes missing, Terry and the gang try to find out who or what is abducting and possibly killing students at the school. They eventually enlist the reluctant help of Jennifer.

– How They React Under Stress: Terry sometimes has “stimming” episodes if he’s under tremendous stress which is a source of embarrassment.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– A Fierce Protector of His Friends: Terry will fight with all his might to protect his friends.

– Respects Nearest: Terry respects Nearest and the trials he’s endured in the war and his personal struggles.

– Attracted to Jennifer: Even though Jennifer is older, Terry is attracted to her and Marley can see it, so does Jennifer but she knows that nothing could come from it and those thoughts and actions are inappropriate for a school faculty staff member and a student (especially one that’s underage).

6. JENNIFER WEATHERLY (24) – Introvert / Loner

– Role: Jennifer is an administrative assistant at the school and helps the gang and Nearest solve the mystery of the murders at the school.

– Traits: Naturally attractive, recovering opioid addict now two-years sober, attempted suicide survivor by opioid overdose, a synesthete. A person with synesthesia may mingle with sound, taste with touch, etc. The senses are cross wired. For example, when a digit-color synesthete sees or just thinks of a number, the number appears with a color film over it. Since Jennifer’s attempted suicide (she was clinically dead for four minutes) her synesthesia has since manifested in way that allows her to visualize a person’s true nature in form of a colored “aura” around that person in certain stressful or heightened situations. Arrogant, analytical, dismissive, prideful.

– Fears: Jennifer is afraid the students will learn of her dark history and cause her further embarrassment. She’s thankful to have a job and is leery of causing trouble. Unbeknownst to Jennifer, Marley and Tom did some investigative research on Jennifer and uncover her dark past and share it with the gang but they don’t tell Jennifer until much later in the story.

– Wants/Needs: Jennifer wants to maintain her image as good and responsible employee. She needs stability in her life and the recent traumatic events cause her anxiety.
– Likability / Rooting Factors: Jennifer is a survivor and a fighter who believes in the gang and wants to help..

– How They React Under Stress: When the students begin to talk about seeing a demon in the reflection of a holy object, Jennifer is unsure that when she herself witnesses the same vision of if she’s hallucinating as she did under the influence of drugs.
– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Knows about Terry’s feelings for her: Jennifer knows that Terry is attracted to her (and she know that Marley is attracted to Terry). Jennifer understands that nothing could come from the attraction by Terry and that those thoughts and actions are inappropriate for a school faculty staff member and a student (especially one that’s underage).

– Likes the Gang: Jennifer likes the gang that the way they watch out for each other.
– Very close to Nearest: Jennifer and Nearest are very close, both are old souls that have seen a lot but are still trying to become the best version of themselves.

7. NEVILLE “NEAREST” GREEN” (late 60’s) – The Rescuer

– Role: Nearest knows that there is evil lurking in the church / school and wants to help destroy it too.

– Traits: African American, school janitor, a former priest in the armed services who lost his faith, Iraqi war veteran, former alcoholic, now sober.

– Fears: Nearest feels lost since he lost his faith and is afraid of death.

– Wants/Needs: Nearest yearns for connection again and finds in his friendship with Jennifer and the gang. He wants to keep the ones he cares for safe.

– Likability / Rooting Factors: Very kind and likable with and old soul quality.

– How They React Under Stress: Nearest has been in firefights before so he’s cool under pressure and willing to die to protect his friends.

– Relationship with Other Characters:

– Close to Jennifer: Jennifer and Nearest are very close, both are old souls that have seen a lot but are still trying to become the best version of themselves.

– Suspicious of Deacon Malum: Nearest has been around evil long enough to know someone’s true nature and shares his unease around the deacon along with Renny and Johnny and Jennifer.

CHARACTER JOURNEYS (in order of death)

1. TOM ROBERTS – The Monster Bait / Victim

– Character Intro: Tom and the gang meet in the library after first murder and don’t believe it was a wild animal attack.

– Denial: The visiting Deacon Malum insists that the attack was a terrible accident. Jennifer tells the gang to leave the investigating to the authorities but she’s unsure herself.

– Their Reaction at First Horror: The gang try to find evidence of any other wild animal attacks on the schools grounds in the past. There was a similar attack twenty years ago.

– Relation to Group After First Horror: The gang commit to sticking together.

– How They Fight Back: The gang tries to follow every lead and solve the mystery.

– End Point: Tom is attacked by the monster after Deacon Malum lures the gang into the bowels of the school, he barely survives the attack.

– What Insight Do Their Deaths Bring?: Terry and the gang realize how dangerous and terrible the demon is and that anyone of them could be next.

2. Nearest – The Rescuer / Second to Die

– Character Intro: Nearest is introduced as a humble janitor for the school but as the story progresses we learn of his past with the war and his alcohol abuse.

– Denial: Nearest warns the gang not to interfere with the school investigation of the death of the student in the opening sequence.

– Their Reaction at First Horror: Nearest and Jennifer begin to privately investigate the death of the student.

– Relation to Group After First Horror: Nearest fears for the student’s safety and warns them not to get too close to the investigation.

– How They Fight Back: Nearest and Jennifer dig deeper into the school’s history and the mysterious Deacon Malum. Nearest regains his faith in God and a statue in the image Saint Michael the Archangel warrior angel gifts Nearest with the sword that he’s holding in the statue.

– End Point: Nearest severely wounds the demon with the sword of Saint Michael and allows the gang and Jennifer to escape certain death but the demon kills Nearest in the battle. Theres also a painting behind the statue of Saint Michael with his army of Archangels battling demons from hell.

– What Insight Do Their Deaths Bring?: Nearest makes the ultimate sacrifice to save Jennifer and the gang. The demon seems to be destroyed but could survive for more in the franchise. Jennifer is alone in the chapel and observes to her astonishment that Nearest now appears to be in the painting of Saint Michael battling Yog – Formido along with other heavenly warriors.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR
• Atmosphere of Evil established – One of the students at the school is killed in a horror manner. The school is buzzing with the news, the dean of the school and Jennifer Weatherly try to calm the uneasy students. It seems to happen in multiple instances at the school every twenty years.

– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Intrigued by the killing of the student.

– Renny: Sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Tom: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it.

– Marley: Sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Terry: Sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Jennifer: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it.

– Nearest: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it.

• Connect with the characters – The gang discreetly discusses the grisly murder during study hall, the janitor, “Nearest,” overhears them.

Moral One – WILLIAM HARPER “JOHNNY” LITTLEJOHN

Rebel / Rule Breaker – JOHN “RENNY” RENWICK JR

Monster Bait – THOMAS “TOM” ROBERTS

Love Interest or lovers – MISAKI “MARLEY” BROOKS

Leader – TERRENCE “TERRY” LEE JR

Introvert / Loner – JENNIFER WEATHERLY

Rescuer – NEVILLE “NEAREST” GREEN”

• The characters are warned not to do it. – Jennifer and Nearest warns the gang not to try to get involved in the murder investigation.

Terry, Johnny, Renny and Marley are eager to learn more about the death and the cause, Tom warns them that it may be too dangerous.

– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Respects his elders and their orders but wants more information.

– Renny: Sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Tom: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it.

– Marley: Sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Terry: Sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Jennifer: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it.

– Nearest: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid any harm coming to anymore students.

• Denial of Horror – The dean of the school and Deacon Malum informs the students that the unfortunate death of the student was simply a terrible accident and not a murder.

The gang are not persuaded by Deacon Malum to avoid the mystery, Jennifer tells them not to get involved. Nearest warns them that it may be dangerous, but they want to get answers.

– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Wants to respect the order by Nearest and Jennifer but sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Renny: Defies the orders of Nearest and Jennifer and wants to dig in for more information.

– Tom: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it and not cause trouble.

– Marley: Likes Jennifer but sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Terry: Is attracted to Jennifer and wants to bide by her wishes but he sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Jennifer: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it and not cause a scene. She wants to remain under the radar at school.

– Nearest: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it to protect everyone.

• Safety taken away – The bridge that allows access to the school is washed out by a violent storm and is impassable for weeks. The current weather conditions are too rough for aerial landings.

Tom is even more nervous now, Nearest and Jennifer are also on edge. The gang resolve to buckle down and forge ahead to solve the mystery.

– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Wants to listen to the adults and avoid causing trouble.

– Renny: Sees this as a chance to spend more time trying to find clues to the mystery.

– Tom: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it.

– Marley: Sees this as a chance to get closer to Terry but senses that he’s not interested in her, he likes Jennifer (why?). She agrees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Terry: Sees this as a chance to hang out around Jennifer more but is concerned about the safety of the gang. He knows that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Jennifer: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it. She can tell that Terry likes her, but she knows it’s inappropriate, she senses Marley’s jealousy of her.

– Nearest: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it and keep everyone safe.

• Monster – The nature of the beast. Jennifer and Nearest begin to explore the legend of the school and uncover accounts to the monster from previous attacks years ago.

Jennifer is unsettled by the findings of the history of the school and its dark past as a former prison for the criminally insane.

Nearest is also tested as he wants to avoid stressful situations. The gang forge ahead with their investigation.

– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Even though they were told to stay out of the investigation Johnny wants to dig in for more information.

– Renny: He’s on the scent of the trail now and wants to dig in for more information.

– Tom: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it. He tells the others to stay out of the situation.

– Marley: Sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Terry: Sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Jennifer: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it.

– Nearest: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

• Isolated / Trapped / Abducted – The current weather conditions are too rough for other boats to come or for any aerial landings.

Tom is even more on edge as their only way to escape is removed. The gang try to settle him down. Jennifer and Nearest are also on edge as they sense there is evil at work in the school. Terry, Johnny, Renny and Marley try to dig in for more clues.

– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Renny: Sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Tom: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it.

– Marley: Sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Terry: Sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Jennifer: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it.

– Nearest: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it.

• One of us killed – another student is killed and Tom Roberts in the gang is almost killed too. Jennifer manifests her synesthesia abilities to observe a red “aura” around Deacon Malum.

The gang and Jennifer follow Deacon Malum under the school along with another student who is killed by the demon. Tom is seriously wounded too. Nearest hears about the fight but still can’t believe it’s true. Jennifer sees the “aura” of evil around
Deacon Malum for the first time. Now she reveals her gifts to the gang and Nearest.

– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Feels terrible that Tom was hurt, and someone was killed and feels responsible for letting them tag along with the gang and Jennifer. He’s committed to finding out what’s going on.

– Renny: Is furious that something hurt one of the gang and wants revenge.

– Tom: Currently unconscious after the attack by the demon.

– Marley: Sees that something is fishy and wants to dig in for more information.

– Terry: Feels terrible that Tom was hurt, and someone was killed and feels responsible for letting them tag along with the gang and Jennifer. He’s committed to finding out what’s going on too.

– Jennifer: Senses the aura of danger around Deacon Malum and knows that there’s danger about and can no longer avoid it. She feels terrible about the attacks.

– Nearest: Feels terrible that he wasn’t there to protect the others.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

• Full pursuit by the killer – Jennifer, and the gang follow Deacon Malum into the bowels of the school and observe him summoning the demon “Yog-Formido,” from a portal to hell.

Deacon Malum senses that Jennifer knows his true intentions to have the demon kill twelve students and orders the demon to attack and kill the gang. Tom is in the school infirmary recovering from his wounds.

– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Johnny is terrified by what he sees in the bowels of the school but is determined to help safe his friends from danger.

– Renny: Sees the evil and is ready for a fight.

– Tom: Still recovering from the attack.

– Marley: Terrified by what he sees in the bowels of the school but is determined to help safe her friends from danger. She confides in Jennifer about her feelings for Terry.

– Terry: Terrified by what he sees in the bowels of the school but is determined to help safe her friends from danger.

– Jennifer: Terrified by what he sees in the bowels of the school, she knows that Deacon Malum is dangerous and wants to protect the gang. She confides in Marley that if Terry doesn’t like her it’s his loss.

– Nearest: Feels terrible that he let any harm come to innocent students.

• Terrorized – Deacon Malum orders the demon to hunt down and kill the gang.

The gang band together with Jennifer and Nearest to dig for more clues. Jennifer, the gang and Nearest research the identity of the demon and find a book hidden in the school library that identifies the demon as Yog-Formido and its ancient history.

– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Helps Jennfer and Nearest dig in for more information on the demon. Finds the demon description of Yog-Formido.
– Renny: Wants to know how to hurt the demon.

– Tom: Still recovering from the attack but describes the demon in detail for them.

– Marley: Helps dig for clues in the library.

– Terry: Helps dig for clues in the library.

– Jennifer: Helps the gang and Nearest dig in for more information on the demon. Sees an aura around one of the texts buried deep in the library.

– Nearest: Helps Jennifer the gang and dig in for more information on the demon.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

• Fight to the death – The demon kills another student while searching for Jennifer and the gang.

Nearest shoots the demon with one of his old guns from the Army but it does not harm the monster.

Jennifer, Nearest and the gang try to kill the demon but fail and barely escape annihilation by seeking refuge in the school chapel. Jennifer, the gang and Nearest decode a part of the old text that tells them the demon can be killed by the sword of Saint Michael.

– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Using their new knowledge of the demon wants to help kill it.

– Renny: Ready for battle.

– Tom: Still recovering from the attack but helps them build an electrical trap for the demon.

– Marley: Terrified of the demon but wants to protect her friends and kill it.

– Terry: Terrified of the demon but wants to protect his friends and kill it.

– Jennifer: Terrified of the demon but wants to protect the students and kill it. She senses the true desire of Deacon Malum and wants to see him revealed for the true evil he is.

– Nearest: Terrified of the demon but wants to protect the students and kill it. Nearest is at his lowest and almost loses all faith but remembers that the true path to redemption is in the service of those in need. He tries to shot the demon with his old service pistol but the shot doesn’t harm the monster.

• Hysteria – Jennifer, Nearest and the gang try to kill the demon but fail and barely escape annihilation by seeking refuge in the school chapel. Nearest regains his faith in God and a statue in the image Saint Michael the Archangel warrior angel gifts Nearest with the sword that he’s holding in the stature. Theres also a painting behind the statue of Saint Michael with his army of Archangels battling demons from hell.

– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Using their new knowledge of the demon wants to help kill it.

– Renny: Ready for battle.

– Tom: Still recovering from the attack but wants to help.

– Marley: Using their new knowledge of the demon wants to help kill it. She accepts that even though Terry may not be attracted to her, she values their love and friendship just as much.

– Terry: Using their new knowledge of the demon wants to help kill it.

– Jennifer: Using their new knowledge of the demon wants to help kill it.

– Nearest: Nearest regains his faith in God and a statue in the image Saint Michael the Archangel warrior angel gifts Nearest with the sword that he’s holding in the stature.

• The thrilling escape from death – Jennifer, Nearest and the gang fight the demon, and he’s badly wounded by the newly gifted sword of Saint Michael. Deacon Malum is killed by Nearest in a battle in the bowels of the school.
– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Helps fight the demon.

– Renny: Helps fight the demon.

– Tom: Uses and new electrical trap to stop the demon for a moment.

– Marley: Helps fight the demon.

– Terry: Helps fight the demon.

– Jennifer: Helps fight the demon and is armed with her senses to detect any student taking on the demon’s form.

– Nearest: Nearest and the gang fight the demon, and the demon is badly wounded by the newly gifted sword of Saint Michael. Deacon Malum appears to be killed by Nearest in a battle in the bowels of the school.

• Death returns to take one or more. – Nearest is killed by the demon as Nearest sacrifices himself to allow the gang and Jennifer to escape death.

– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Stunned by the loss of Nearest to the demon and brought closer together by the battle.

– Renny: Furious over the loss of Nearest but grateful to be alive.

– Tom: Stunned by the loss of Nearest to the demon and brought closer together by the battle.

– Marley: Stunned by the loss of Nearest to the demon and brought closer together by the battle.

– Terry: Stunned by the loss of Nearest to the demon and brought closer together by the battle. Terry learns that a true leader has to sometimes make the ultimate sacrifice.

– Jennifer: Stunned by the loss of Nearest to the demon and feels she has finally forgiven herself for her mistakes by helping others in need or danger.

– Nearest: Regains his faith and takes his place in heaven fighting evil.

• Resolution – Jennifer and the gang recover from the battle as the weather clears and boats and police and once again able to cross the waters to the island. Jennifer is alone in the chapel and observes to her astonishment the Nearest now appears to be in the painting of Saint Michael battling demons.

– Character Reactions:

– Johnny: Sees that fighting for something good is the most noble cause.

– Renny: Sees that fighting against evil is his destiny and resolves to continue.

– Tom: Senses there’s danger in the world but also love and good.

– Marley: Now closer to the gang than ever before and feels accepted and loved.

– Terry: Proud of the gang and what they did to save the school from evil, committed to fighting evil no matter what form it takes.

– Jennifer: Senses there’s danger about and wants to avoid it.

– Nearest: Nearest with the sword that he’s been gifted by Saint Michael is in heaven with God and his army of Archangels battling demons from hell.

– Jennifer (now armed with the sword of Saint Michael) must now hunt down the demon at the next school where terror strikes to make sure it is indeed the demon Yog – Formido at work and to make sure it cannot recruit more demons and hopefully kill Yog – Formido once and for all. Jennifer uses her newly manifested synesthesia ability to see an aura of evil around any demon in human form which helps her in her noble quest.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Monster Reveal Track

What I learned doing this assignment is that you must make sure it’s imperative to solve the mystery of the monster and give the audience hope that it can happen. Let the monster live so it can come back for a sequel.

Who or what the monster is?

• What are its powers? Incredible strength, long sharp fangs and claws, impervious to fire or man-made bullets, seven feet tall, can take the shape of any living person on the school property, (mostly in the form of David Dastmalchian when in human form).

• What are its limitations? The demon cannot leave the school property, it cannot maintain human form inside the chapel (it’s forced to reveal its true image in the presence of God).

• What are its weaknesses? The sword of Saint Michael can pierce its skin; any blessed object can harm it. It must obey its current master, Deacon Malum. Its true form is visible in the reflection of any holy object.

• What is its Plan/Purpose/Appetite? It must kill twelve students / faculty with the same first name as one of the twelve apostles.
During the story the demon kills ten victims.

After it kills all twelve victims, its free to leave the school property to roam the earth and kill anyone it chooses.

It plans to use its human form to seek out and free more demons from other Catholic schools that also have a dark history (and also have portals to hell) to create an army of bloodthirsty demons to ravage the earth.

Jennifer (now armed with the sword of Saint Michael) must now hunt down the demon at the next school where terror strikes.

Jennifer needs to make sure it is indeed the demon Yog – Formido at work and to make sure it cannot recruit more demons and hopefully kill Yog – Formido once and for all.

Jennifer uses her newly manifested synesthesia ability to see an aura of evil around any demon in human form which helps her in her noble quest.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

• Atmosphere of Evil established – One of the students at the school is killed in a horror manner.
The school is buzzing with the news, the dean of the school and Jennifer Weatherly try to calm the uneasy students. It seems to happen in multiple instances at the school every twenty years.

• Demand – Terror

• Monster reveal – The unseen monster is a ferocious killer and appears from the dark. The name of the first victim is identified.

• Connect with the characters – The gang discreetly discusses the grisly murder during study hall, the janitor, “Nearest,” overhears them.

• Demand – Curiosity

• Monster reveal – The monster kills another victim; a student thinks they saw a glimpse of a small part of the monster’s claws in the refection of a holy object.

• Demand – apprehension

• The characters are warned not to do it. – Jennifer and Nearest warns the gang not to try to get involved in the murder investigation.

• Denial of Horror – The dean of the school and Deacon Malum informs the students that the unfortunate death of the student was simply a terrible accident and not a murder.

• Demand – curiosity

• Monster reveal – Once alone, Deacon Malum descends a secret passage under the school, the portal to hell is not revealed yet.

• Safety taken away – A terrible storm washes away the bridge to the school, the students and faculty are trapped at the school.

• Demand – Discovery

• Monster reveal – The nature of the beast. Jennifer and Nearest begin to explore the legend of the school and uncover accounts to the monster from previous attacks twenty years ago.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

• Isolated / Trapped / Abducted – The current weather conditions are too rough for other to come or for any aerial landings.

• One of us killed – another student is killed and Tom Roberts in the gang is almost killed too. Jennifer manifests her synesthesia abilities to observe a red “aura” around Deacon Malum.

• Demand – Trying to figure out the mystery.

• Monster reveal – Jennifer and the gang deduce that the demon is killing students / faculty with the same first name of the apostles and that it cannot leave the school property.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

• Full pursuit by the killer – Jennifer, and the gang follow Deacon Malum into the bowels of the school.

• Demand – Discovery

• Monster reveal – Jennifer and the gang observe Deacon Malum summoning the demon “Yog-Formido,” from a portal to hell.

• Terrorized – Deacon Malum orders the demon to hunt down and kill the gang.

• Demand – Terror / Discovery

• Monster reveal – Jennifer and the gang learn that the demon is a servant of Deacon Malum.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

• Fight to the death – The demon kills another student while searching for Jennifer and the gang.

• Demand – Putting the pieces together

• Monster reveal – Jennifer, the gang and Nearest research the identity of the demon and find a book hidden in the school library that identifies the demon as Yog-Formido and its ancient history.

• Hysteria – Jennifer, Nearest and the gang try to kill the demon but fail and barely escape annihilation by seeking refuge in the school chapel.

• Demand – Discovery / Putting the pieces together.

• Monster reveal – Jennifer, the gang and Nearest decode a part of the old text that tells them the demon can be killed by the sword of Saint Michael.

• Demand – Terror / Discovery

• Monster reveal – Nearest shoots the demon with one of his old guns from the Army but it does not harm the monster.

• Nearest regains his faith in God and a statue in the image Saint Michael the Archangel warrior angel gifts Nearest with the sword that he’s holding in the statue.

Theres also a painting behind the statue of Saint Michael with his army of Archangels battling demons from hell. One of the demons looks like Yog-Formido.

• Demand – Trying to figure out the mystery

• Monster reveal – Jennifer and Nearest find an ancient scroll in hidden library in the chapel that reveals the intent of its mission to kill twelve students / faculty and be free to roam the earth and recruit more demons from other Catholic schools.

• The thrilling escape from death – Jennifer, Nearest and the gang fight the demon, and he’s badly wounded by the newly gifted sword of Saint Michael.

Deacon Malum is apparently killed by Nearest in a battle in the bowels of the school by falling into the pits of hellfire.

• Death returns to take one or more. – Nearest is killed by the demon as Nearest sacrifices himself to allow the gang and Jennifer to escape death.

• Resolution – Jennifer and the gang recover from the battle as the weather clears and the bridge is restored and police and once again able to gain access to the school.

Jennifer is alone in the chapel and observes to her astonishment the Nearest now appears to be in the painting of Saint Michael battling Yog-Formido.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Character Death Track

What I learned doing this assignment is that deciding who dies when and why is one of the most interesting and enjoyable parts of the writing process.

Character Death 1: Student is torn to pieces in underground passage by and unseen demon.

Why?: Early in the story, to establish that a horrible evil is loose on the school grounds.

Character Death 2: Student is impaled in the school locker rooms.

Why?: The audience needs to see how vicious the monster is and can attack anywhere.

Character Death 3: Student is murdered in her dorm room with claws slashing her neck.

Why?: The demon has access to anywhere on the school property via secret passages behind the dorm rooms.

Character Death 4: The dean of the school has his head bitten off by the demon while inside the school chapel with Jennifer nearby.

Why?: The audience needs to see how vicious the monster and that that any major character can die.

Character Death 5: Student is torn to pieces in the passage under the school by the demon.

Why?: The demon is hunting students under the order of Deacon Malum.

Character Death 6: Student is impaled by demon and Tom is badly wounded too.

Why?: The demon is hunting the gang and kills a student that Tom likes adding to the gang’s loss and adding a “whiff of death” that almost claims the life of someone in the gang .

Character Death 7: Student is killed by demon in his room with its claws.

Why?: Deacon Malum sends the demon to kill more students.

Character Death 8: Deacon Malum is killed by falling into a pit of fire at the portal to hell.

Why?: Jennifer and the gang fight Deacon Malum and send him to hell where he belongs.

Character Death 9: The demon is killed by Nearest with the sword of Saint Michael.

Why?: Nearest battles with the demon to protect Jennifer and the gang.

Character Death 10: Nearest is killed by demon’s claws before it dies.

Why?: Nearest makes the ultimate sacrifice to protect Jennifer and the gang.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Horror Situation

What I learned doing this assignment is that just as in stories with 3 Act Story Beats, the horror genre also follows an established list of story beats as well.

ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil established: A terrified student runs through a dark passage under the school.

Horror Situation: A student is being pursued by a monstrous demon from hell.

Reaction – Hide: The student tries to evade the monster but is lost in the dark passage.

Horror Situation: The student is cornered and torn to pieces by the vicious monster.

Connect with the characters: The school is buzzing with the news; the dean of the school and Jennifer Weatherly try to calm the uneasy students. It seems to happen in multiple instances at the school every twenty years. The gang discreetly discusses the grisly murder during study hall, the janitor, “Nearest,” overhears them.

Denial of Horror: The dean of the school and Deacon Malum informs the students that the unfortunate death of the student was simply a terrible accident and not a murder.

Safety taken away: The bridge that connects the school to the main road is washed away in a violent storm.

Horror Situation: A student is attacked in a locker room.

Reaction – Escape: The student tries to evade the monster but is cornered in the locker room.

Horror Situation: A student is attacked in their dorm room.

Reaction – Denial: The dean of the school says the student has a history of attempted run aways.

Monster: The nature of the beast: Jennifer and Nearest begin to explore the legend of the school and uncover accounts to the monster from previous attacks years ago.

Horror Situation: A student is attacked inside the school chapel.

Reaction – Escape: The student tries to escape the attack but is killed by the monster.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: Trapped – The students are trapped at the school.

Horror Situation: Jennifer and the students explore the underground passage under the school. The monster sees them and chases after them.

Reaction – Escape: They try to run away from the monster but one of the students is killed.

Horror Situation: Deacon Malum lures a student to the passage.

Reaction – Escape: The monster hunts down the student and kills them.

Horror Situation: The gang try to confront the monster together.

Character Death: Tom is badly wounded in the attack by the monster.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

Full pursuit by the killer – Jennifer, and the gang follow Deacon Malum into the bowels of the school and observe him summoning the demon “Yog-Sothoth,” from a portal to hell.

Jennifer manifests her synesthesia abilities to observe a red “aura” around Deacon Malum.

Horror Situation: Terrorized – Deacon Malum orders the demon to hunt down and kill the gang.

Reaction – Escape: They try to run away from the monster but one of the students is killed.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Horror Situation: Terrorized – The demon kills another student while searching for Jennifer and the gang.

Reaction – Escape: The gang barely escape being killed by the monster.

Hysteria – Jennifer, Nearest and the gang try to kill the demon but fail and barely escape annihilation by seeking refuge in the school chapel.

Horror Situation: When Jennifer is alone in her room the monster tries to attack.

Reaction – Escape: Nearest get her text and rescues her from death.

Nearest regains his faith in God and a statue in the image Saint Michael the Archangel warrior angel gifts Nearest with the sword that he’s holding in the stature. Theres also a painting behind the statue of Saint Michael with his army of Archangels battling demons from hell.

Horror Situation: The thrilling escape from death – Jennifer, Nearest and the gang fight the demon in the chapel!

Reaction – Fight: Jennifer, Nearest and the gang fight the demon in the chapel, and he’s badly wounded by the newly gifted sword of Saint Michael. Deacon Malum is killed by Nearest in a battle in the bowels of the school.

Death returns to take one or more. – Nearest dies saving the gang.

Horror Situation: Nearest fights the demon as Nearest sacrifices himself to allow the gang and Jennifer to escape death.

Reaction – Fight: Nearest is killed by the demon as Nearest sacrifices himself to allow the gang and Jennifer to escape death.

Resolution – The weather clears and police are able to cross the bridge to the school. Jennifer and the gang recover from the battle as a unifed team, stronger together than alone.

Jennifer is alone in the chapel and observes to her astonishment that Nearest now appears to be in the painting of Saint Michael battling demons from hell.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Horror Plot

What I learned doing this assignment is that classic horror scripts generally follow the same Elizabethan 3 – Act structure of most American dramatic works where Act 1 sets the scene and introduces characters, Act 2 builds tension with rising action and key conflicts, and Act 3 delivers the climax and resolution.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

• Atmosphere of Evil established – One of the students at the school is killed in a horror manner. The school is buzzing with the news, the dean of the school and Jennifer Weatherly try to calm the uneasy students. It seems to happen in multiple instances at the school every twenty years.

• Connect with the characters – The gang discreetly discusses the grisly murder during study hall, the janitor, “Nearest,” overhears them.

• The characters are warned not to do it. – Jennifer and Nearest warns the gang not to try to get involved in the murder investigation.

• Denial of Horror – The dean of the school and Deacon Malum informs the students that the unfortunate death of the student was simply a terrible accident and not a murder.

• Safety taken away – The boat the ferries the students back to the mainland from the island has mysteriously suffered inoperable damage. The current weather conditions are too rough for other boats to come or for any aerial landings.

• Monster – The nature of the beast. Jennifer and Nearest begin to explore the legend of the school and uncover accounts to the monster from previous attacks years ago.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

• Isolated / Trapped / Abducted – The current weather conditions are too rough for other boats to come or for any aerial landings

• One of us killed – another student is killed and Tom Roberts in the gang is almost killed too. Jennifer manifests her synesthesia abilities to observe a red “aura” around Deacon Malum.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

• Full pursuit by the killer – Jennifer, and the gang follow Deacon Malum into the bowels of the school and observe him summoning the demon “Yog-Sothoth,” from a portal to hell.

• Terrorized – Deacon Malum orders the demon to hunt down and kill the gang.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

• Fight to the death – The demon kills another student while searching for Jennifer and the gang.

• Hysteria – Jennifer, Nearest and the gang try to kill the demon but fail and barely escape annihilation by seeking refuge in the school chapel. Nearest regains his faith in God and a statue in the image Saint Michael the Archangel warrior angel gifts Nearest with the sword that he’s holding in the stature. Theres also a painting behind the statue of Saint Michael with his army of Archangels battling demons from hell.

• The thrilling escape from death – Jennifer, Nearest and the gang fight the demon, and he’s badly wounded by the newly gifted sword of Saint Michael. Deacon Malum is killed by Nearest in a battle in the bowels of the school.

• Death returns to take one or more. – Nearest is killed by the demon as Nearest sacrifices himself to allow the gang and Jennifer to escape death.

• Resolution – Jennifer and the gang recover from the battle as the weather clears and boats and police and once again are able to cross the waters to the island. Jennifer is alone in the chapel and observes to her astonishment the Nearest now appears to be in the painting of Saint Michael battling demons.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 4 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 4 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 4 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Characters for Horror

What I learned doing this assignment is that just as in Situational Comedy, the horror genre has it’s own Universal Characters as well.

1. Tell us your Concept and the Group you have chosen. Outcast college coed preparatory school students between the ages of 13 and 18 and the Administrative Assistant and janitor who has befriended them.

2. Tell us the Dying Pattern of this movie. Alone in their rooms at night or in the locker rooms

3. Give us an Identity and a sentence for each character that makes up your group.

Moral One – WILLIAM HARPER “JOHNNY” LITTLEJOHN (16) tall, gangly, biology, archaeology and geology student, loves all things science and biology related, religious, very shy.

Rebel / Rule Breaker – JOHN “RENNY” RENWICK JR (16) African American, tall, large build, engineering wiz, loves to wrestle and box in his spare time.

Monster Bait – THOMAS “TOM” ROBERT’S (16) short, skinny, pale as a sheet, electrical wiz, has bad asthma which is worsened by extreme exertion but is controlled with twice monthly injections and daily medication.

Love Interest or lovers – MISAKI “MARLEY” BROOKS (15) Asian, small, cute girl, extremely intelligent, sharp wit, likes to practice fencing and martial arts Bo staff fighting. Marley is very attracted to Terry but too shy to say anything.

Leader – TERRENCE “TERRY” LEE JR (16) tall, wiry, dark skinned, intense, has Asperger's syndrome, is the unspoken leader of the small group of outcast students. When one of the students is killed and another student goes missing, Terry and the gang try to find out who or what is abducting and possibly killing students at the school. They eventually enlist the reluctant help of Jennifer.

Introvert / Loner – JENNIFER WEATHERLY (24) naturally attractive, recovering opioid addict now one-year sober, attempted suicide survivor by opioid overdose, administrative assistant as the school, synesthete. A person with synesthesia may mingle with sound, taste with touch, etc. The senses are cross wired. For example, when a digit-color synesthete sees or just thinks of a number, the number appears with a color film over it. Since Jennifer’s attempted suicide (she was clinically dead for two minutes) her synesthesia has since manifested in way that allows her to visualize a person’s true nature in form of a colored “aura” around that person in certain stressful or heightened situations. For example, a dangerous person may have a red aura around them etc. Jennifer eventually learns that the best way to begin to love yourself again is to help someone else in need (or in danger).

Rescuer – NEVILLE “NEAREST” GREEN” (late 60’s) African American, school janitor, a former priest in the armed services who lost his faith, Iraq war veteran, former alcoholic, now sober. Nearest can relate to Jennifer’s struggles and self-hatred and being ashamed of her mistakes but he sees the natural goodness in her too. He likes the outcasts, the gang of misfits and wants to help. He knows that there is evil lurking in the church / school and wants to help destroy it too.

The Carrier – DEACON MALUM [David Dastmalchian] (49) is a visiting deacon to the school from Europe who allows the monster to rise from hell (from a portal in the bowels of the school). Jennifer can see the red aura of evil around Deacon Malum in Act III of the story

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

1. Dave Wetzel

2. To date, I've written four screenplays including a YA TV Pilot, I have a screenplay currently listed on The Black List site and was so grateful to recently receive an overall score of 8/10! So happy!

3. I hope to gain the foundational skills to write a solid and marketable horror screenplay that can be shot for under $5-8 million using very few locations with 90% practical effects with a possible series spin off.

4. I'm a registered pharmacist in CA, NY and OH and hold a Doctor of Pharmacy degree. It's great to meet everyone!

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel Terrifying Monster

What I learned doing this assignment is that the easiest way to create mystery is to have us not see the monster.

Keep the monster’s full visage / appearance a mystery for as long as possible.

Create an early version of your monster.
1. Tell us what or who your monster is; Yog-Sothoth, brutal demon from hell.

2. Give us a few sentences for each of the following for your monster:

• Their Terror: Yog-Sothoth hunt for their prey when they’re alone and then violently kill and eat their victims.

• Their Mystery: Created by the devil to serve and kill on command, some have rebelled against the devil and kill anything it wishes instead of following the bidding of the devil.

• Their Fear-Provoking Appearance: Pitch black, slender but strong like steel, red eyes, over seven feet tall with huge sharp teeth and long arms and legs with long, razor sharp claws.

• Their Rules: The Yog-Sothoth hunts at night when the victim is alone. It can take on a human-like form during the day in the appearance of any human it chooses. Its most common / preferred form as a human is in the image of David Dastmalchian.

• When it’s in it’s human form their true appearance can be seen in the reflection of any blessed or holy object.

• It can be killed by a sword gifted by an angel of God in the hands of a believer in God.

• Their Mythology: Former brutal executioners from all different cultures, centuries and countries.

Monster: Yog-Sothoth (originally from HP Lovecraft), in human form most often in the image of David Dastmalchian but it can take the form of any human who has broken one of the ten commandments.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

“Dire Falls,” Horror Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment is watch “Smart Horror,” examples and try to work your concept into as many of the conventions as possible.

Analyze a HORROR movie to discover how the conventions were expressed. It is totally okay to analyze a movie you've already seen, but please watch it again. Don't just do it from memory.

1. Go to Netflix, iTunes, or Amazon and search for “horror" movies. Pick a horror movie that fits three criteria:
• A. It matches our model. The Conjuring
• B. It is not one of our example movies.
• C. You can get instant access to it. Check iTunes, Netflix, YouTube or Amazon.
2. Watch the movie and as you do, note its conventions.
• Title / Concept: Paranormal investigators take on one last terrifying case involving mysterious entities they must confront.
• Terrorize The Characters: Ed and Lorraine Warren
• Isolation: House
• Death: Former suicide
• Monster/Villain: Ghost of suicide
• High Tension: Plenty
• Departure from Reality: Ghosts
• Moral Statement: Put our faith in God, family, or both
3. Anything else you'd like to say about what made this movie a great horror film.
Excellent use of low budget practical effects to invoke terror, very few locations.

4. With your concept, fill in each of these Conventions for your story. “Dire Falls”
• Concept: A depressed suicide survivor (who is also a synesthete) is an administrative assistant at a preparatory school for children on an island built on top of a former insane asylum.
• Terrorize The Characters: Jennifer Weatherly, Dean, faculty, support staff, students.
• Isolation: Island off the coast of Maine
• Death: Children and adults
• Monster/Villain: Demon from hell gone rogue that kills anyone it chooses not just the victims ordered to be killed by the devil.
• High Tension: Throughout
• Departure from Reality: Often
• Moral Statement: Put your faith in God and friends.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

1. Dave Wetzel.
2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Hi Dean, this is looking awesome, great job! I think we only need to add the emotions for each "Horror Situation," and then add the emtions in bullets like the outline template for "It Follows," from Lesson 15, not each scene in between too. It's coming along great, it's an awesome premise, contratulations!

• This reply was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Outline Version 3

• Title: DIRE FALLS

• Logline: At Dire Falls Preparatory School, an aimless soul, a faithless war veteran and band of students fight evil both from within and the pits of hell.

• Horror Outline:

DIRE FALLS

1. INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

A terrified student runs along a dark passage, growls can be heard close behind.

The student pulls on an old metal door, but he can’t open it.

Horror Situation: A terrified student runs along a dark passageway.

• Anxiety: The student is anxious as he approaches an unseen hooded figure.

• Shock: The student’s eyes open wide in shock as the shadow of a tall unseen figure emerges from a glowing portal.

• Fear: The student runs in horror as the demon chases him.

• Hysteria: The hysterical student pulls hard at the old metal door as the demon moves ever closer.

• Release: At the last second, the student pries the door open and dashes outside!

2. EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT

The student finally opens the door and evades the demon, but only for a moment.

Horror Situation: The student is torn to pieces and left on the snowy school grounds.

• Anxiety: The student is anxious as he tries to catch his breath and get to his feet.

• Shock: The student’s eyes open wide in shock as he hears a deep guttural breathing behind him.

• Fear: The student slowly turns to see the demon standing over him!

• Panic: The student screams and tries to run away.

• Horror: The demon grabs the student and lifts him into the air and rips him to pieces!

3. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

The school is buzzing with the news of the attack. There’s a rumor going around that a similar string of attacks happened at the school twenty years ago.

A small band of student mystery solvers discusses the murder during study hall, the janitor, “Nearest,” overhears them.

4. INT – SCHOOL OFFICE – DAY

Jennifer is a new administrative assistant and Nearest (a faithless war veteran) are friends and having lunch together, Nearest tells Jennifer about the gang’s interest in the killing.

Nearest tells Jennifer that the gang is known for solving small time mysteries around school.

5. INT – SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – DAY

The dean of the school and a visiting priest, Deacon Malum [David Dastmalchian], tell the students the student must have been killed by a wild animal and not to spread crazy rumors.

6. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

Jennifer and Nearest tell the gang not to get involved in the school investigation since it could be dangerous.

Discreetly, the gang plan to ignore the warnings and continue their own investigation.

7. EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT

That night, a violent snowstorm hits the area, the bridge to school is knocked out and the whole student body is socked in on the school grounds.

8. INT – LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT

That night, a student is brutally murdered inside the locker room and the body is taken down a secret passageway.

Nearest finds the blood in the locker room and alerts the dean, Deacon Malum is on the scene too.

Horror Situation: A student is killed in the locker room; the body is taken by the demon down a secret passageway to the locker room.

• Anxiety: A student is anxious about the attack on the student from earlier. She shares her concern with another girl in the locker room with her.

• Dread: The student hears a strange sound behind her, she turns around.

• Shock: The student’s eyes open wide in shock.

• Monster reveal: The demon appears in front of her!

• Hysteria: The student screams and tries to escape from the demon.

• Suspense: The student hides inside a locker as the demon passes her.

• Release: The student slowly emerges from the locker; all seems safe now.

• Horror: The student turns around and the demon is right behind her! It impales the student with its claws and drags the body into a secret opening into the locker room.

Nearest finds the blood in the locker room and alerts the dean, Deacon Malum is on the scene too.

9. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – NIGHT

One of the gang overhears the conversation and tells the others, they’re sure something evil is afoot.

They find a hidden book in a dark corner of the library.

10. INT – DORM ROOM – NIGHT

Another student is attacked inside his dorm room by the demon which entered through a secret passageway inside the dorms.

The student’s body is dragged away from the scene of the attack and down the passageway.

Horror Situation: A student is killed in a dorm room; the body is taken by the demon down a secret passageway.

• Anxiety: Another student is anxious about the attack on the student from earlier. She shares her concern with another girl in the dorm room with her.

• Dread: The student hears a strange sound behind her, she stops and turns around.

• Shock: The student’s eyes open wide in shock; something growls at her!

• Hysteria: The student screams and tries to escape from the demon.

• Suspense: The student hides inside a closet as the demon passes her.

• Release: The student slowly emerges from the closet; all seems safe now.

• Horror: The student turns around and the demon is right behind her! It slashes the student’s throat and drags the body down a secret opening into the locker room.

11. INT – SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – DAY

The dean and Deacon Malum assert that the student had a history of mental health issues and was a three-time run away before this disappearance.

The gang are not buying the story and want to investigate the case.

They piece together that both the students share a first name with an apostle.

12. INT – SCHOOL OFFICE – DAY

Jennifer and Nearest are sure that evil is afoot and begin to research the school’s dark history.

The attacks are similar in nature to attacks at the same school twenty years ago.

Jennifer confides in Nearest that she feels lost in life and she doesn’t know what her true path in life is supposed to be.

She tells Nearest that if she ever figures out what that is she’d buy a cool car like Nearest’s red 1969 Camero RS Coupe (nicknamed Lucille) and never look back.

Nearest tells Jennifer to put her faith in God and to “listen for the whispers,” and God will eventually show her the way.

13. INT – JENNIFER’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jennifer tries to recover from the horrible events, the demon appears in the shape of a troubled student and is about to attack.

Nearest appears at the door and the demon resumes the form of the student and leaves.

Horror Situation: Jennifer is confronted by the demon while she’s alone in her room.

• Anguish: Jennifer tries to gather herself from the attack at the portal.

• Suspense: Suddenly, Jennifer hears a creepy noise behind her.

• Release: Jennifer spins to reveal, CINDY (14) pint sized, long braided black hair, appealing, thin, looking troubled.

• Surprise/scare: Jennifer has her head turned as she closes the wardrobe door, when she closes the door.

• Monster reveal: When Jennifer closes the door, the horrible image of the demon appears in the mirror where Cindy was standing!

• Dread: An air of dread fills the room.

• Terror: Jennifer turns, Cindy is standing there but now there’s an eerie red “aura” around her! Cindy lowers her eyes, they now glow red, Cindy laughs menacingly, Jennifer is terrified!

• Release: Suddenly Nearest appears at the door, Cindy laughs (as a little girl again) and leaves, Jennifer rushes over to Nearest and gives him a hug.

14. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – NIGHT

Jennifer confides in Nearest about her synesthesia abilities and says she sees an evil red aura around Deacon Malum.

Jennifer is embarrassed because she’s not sure if what she sees as real or a hallucination from her former days as an opioid addict.

Nearest confides in his loss of faith and that he’s familiar with addiction as a recovering alcoholic and tells her to trust her instincts.

Their research uncovers the similarities of the attacks that occurred twenty years ago.

The gang overhears Jennifer and Nearest conversation and tells them they want to help, Jennifer and Nearest are reluctant but relent.

Tom has them all gather together to take a picture and capture the moment.

15. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer is in the chapel praying; she notices the painting behind the statue of Saint Micheal of archangels fighting demons from hell.

She notices one of the demons, Yog-Formido, resembles what she saw in her room earlier.

The dean arrives and tries to lend some comfort.

Horror Situation: The demon kills Dean Foy with its claws in front of Jennifer.

• Anxiety: Jennifer shares her feelings of anxiety with the dean over the killings.

• Dread: The As the dean is trying to lend Jennifer comfort she’s filled with dread and she sees a red “aura,” behind the dean.

• Shock: Jennifer is shocked to see the demon rise up behind the dean!

• Monster reveal: The demon is standing behind the dean!

• Horror: Jennifer is horrified as the demon impales the dean from behind with its huge claws!

• Panic: The gang arrive to see the attack and as the demon sprints towards a corner of the chapel.

• Apprehension: Jennifer and the gang see a tall, dark figure running behind an old statue of a gargoyle.

16. INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

The gang and Jennifer follow the demon down the passageway, another student follows along.

17. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Jennifer and the gang observe the demon come upon and bright yellow / orange portal to hell.

Renny tries to tackle the demon but is thrown off, the demon slashes the throat of the student that tagged along.

Tom has his stomach slashed open by the demon’s claws before it disappears with the dead student into the portal to hell.

Horror Situation: Jennifer and the gang confront the demon alone.

• Anxiety: Jennifer is anxious as she and the gang navigate the dark passageway to follow the demon.

• Dread: A sense of dread overcomes the gang as the eerie portal floats just around the bend.

• Monster reveal: The gang are shocked to see the demon appear at the portal!

• Hysteria: Renny tries to tackle the demon!

• Horror: The gang are horrified as demon kills the student that tagged along.

• Shock: Tom is shocked as the demon takes a swing at him and slashes his stomach with its claws! The demon takes the body of the dead student into the portal with it.

• Hysteria: Jennifer is hysterical as Terry and the guys help Tom to his feet, they all scramble back up the passageway to safety.

• Release: The wound to Tom’s stomach looks bad but he says it’s not too deep.

18. INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

The gang helps carry Tom back up the passageway, at the top is Deacon Malum.

Jennifer sees the red aura around the deacon and is sure he’s evil.

19. INT – SCHOOL INFERMARY – NIGHT

The gang get Tom cared for, Nearest arrives Jennifer tells him about the demon and the attack and her suspicions about Deacon Malum.

20. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Deacon Malum summons the demon back and orders it kill Jennifer, Nearest and the gang.

Horror Situation: The deacon summons the demon to kill the gang and Jennifer.

• Dread: Deacon Malum stands in front of the portal and summons the demon.

• Monster reveal: The demon appears from hell.

• Dread: The deacon orders the demon to kill Jennifer and the gang.

21. INT – NEAREST’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Nearest digs out his army old service revolver from his footlocker and makes sure he has bullets.

He also sifts through other items but they’re unseen at the moment.

22. INT – GYM – DAY

Jennifer sees Marley working out on a boxing dummy with a short police baton.

Marley is frustrated that Terry won’t pay her enough attention.

Jennifer assures Marley that she’s awesome and any guy would be lucky to have her for a girlfriend.

23. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

The gang with Jennifer and Nearest reassemble in the school chapel.

24. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

The gang confront Deacon Malum at the portal to hell, the gang try to fight the demon but he’s too strong.

Nearest shoots the demon but his bullets don’t hurt it.

One bullet ricochets off the demon and seems to kill Deacon Malum who falls into the portal to hell.

The demon follows the deacon into hell and gang all escape.

Horror Situation: Jennifer, Nearest and the gang confront the demon and Deacon Malum.

• Apprehension: Jennifer, Nearest and gang venture down the dark passageway to come upon the portal to hell.

• Shock: Everyone is shocked to see Deacon Malum at the portal as he summons the demon.

• Monster reveal: The terrifying demon, Yog-Formido appears from hell!

• Panic: Jennifer and Marley both scream in horror.

• Release: Nearest pulls the two behind him for protection.

• Anxiety: Jennifer reminds Nearest that they’re responsible for the gang’s safety and he comforts her.

• Panic: Renny charges ahead of Nearest and sprints at the demon!

• Hysteria: The gang all attack the demon at once but can’t seem to hurt it badly.

• Shock: Nearest shoots the demon and the bullet ricochets off the demon and hits Deacon Malum.

• Panic: The demon strikes Nearest and sends him flying.

• Hysteria: The gang all retreat back up the passageway to safety.

25. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

Jennifer and the gang begin to look for clues about the demon and what it wants.

They learn that the demon comes out every twenty years and must kill twelve students with the same first name of the apostles to escape the school grounds.

They learn that the demon can be harmed by holy objects and a sword gifted by a saint can pierce its skin.

Tom tells the gang that his research with Marley and Johnny revealed that the demon is not alone and there are four other demons in portals to hell under other Catholic schools with a dark history.

The demon can take and shape of any living human / animal, but its true appearance is revealed in the reflection of a holy object.

Anyone who has been gifted the sword by a saint or an angel is tasked with finding the other four demons and destroying them.

Nearest is nearby and can hear the whole story but leaves Jennifer and the kids alone to bond.

26. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Nearest is alone in the chapel and rediscovers his faith in God, the statue of Saint Michael comes to life and gifts Nearest with the sword of Saint Michael.

27. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer and the gang arrive at the chapel, ready to face the demon, armed with their new knowledge and resolve.

28. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Renny and the gang are all armed with various holy objects that take turns hurting the demon.

It tries to escape back to hell but Nearest blocks its path, they battle and Nearest stabs the demon in the side with the sword.

As the demon is dying and falling into hell, it impales Nearest and pulls him along with it!

Nearest gives Jennifer the sword of Saint Micheal and she sees the aura of a bright white halo over Nearest’s head, he has become an archangel.

Nearest yells at Jennifer to look deep inside his footlocker in his room as he falls into the pits of hell.

Horror Situation: The Jennifer, Nearest and the gang confront the demon at the portal to hell for a final showdown.

• Anxiety: Jennifer, Nearest and the gang venture back down the passageway to the portal to hell.

• Surprise/scare: Suddenly, something runs across Jennifer’s feet!

• Release: Marley points to the corner, Renny lights up the spot, it’s just a mouse.

• Monster reveal: The demon, Yog-Formido leaps from the portal ready to attack, and bares its fangs and flashes its claws.

• Shock: The gang jump back in shock at the ferocity of the demon.

• Fear: Jennifer and Marley are terrified, Marley grabs Terry by the arm.

• Release: Terry tries to ease Marley’s fear as Nearest settles the gang down and moves up to take the point.

• Panic: The demon takes a swing at Marley and barely misses her but catches Terry’s arm and cuts him badly.

• Release: Terry says he’s OK and keeps on fighting.

• Shock: Nearest stabs the demon’s side with the sword! The demon appears fatally wounded as the demon is staggering backwards, it grabs Nearest and impales him with its claws!

• Hysteria: Nearest is dying and tells Jennifer to get the gang to safety and gifts Jennifer the sword. As Nearest is falling into the portal to hell, Nearest tells Jennifer to look deep into his footlocker before he disappears!

• Panic: Jennifer and the gang flee back up the passageway to get Terry cared for.

• Release: The gang are happy to have beaten the demon but saddened at the horrible cost of Nearest’s life.

29. EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – DAY

The snowstorm breaks and the bridge to school is repaired, the authorities arrive, the school is safe, for now.

30. INT – SCHOOL INFERMARY – DAY

Jennifer and the gang visit Tom who is still recovering from the wounds.

31. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – NIGHT

Jennifer and the gang talk about their adventure and examine the newly gifted sword of Saint Michael.

Jennifer tells them that she’s leaving school, she has found her purpose in life.

Jennifer tells the gang that they’re all going to turn out great if they take care of each other and there’s a big group hug.

32. INT – NEAREST’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jennifer enters Nearest’s bedroom and finds his old army footlocker.

She looks over old army memorabilia and old family photos.

Jennifer discovers and false bottom in the locker and finds a cache of hundreds of thousands of dollars.

There’s also a note from Nearest, he tells her she’s found her purpose in life and to go hunt down those four other demons and finish God’s work.

Jennifer empties the letter envelope and finds the keys to Lucille and Nearest's dog tags, Jennifer pockets them both.

33. INT – SCHOOL SHOP CLASS – DAY

Terry, Johnny and Marley marvel Renny’s handiwork at fashioning a proper metal storage case for the sword of St. Michael.

34. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer sits alone and prays for the strength to complete her noble quest.

The camera pulls back to reveal the gang just behind her.

Soon they all hug and promise to stay in touch.

Marley gifts Jennifer with the new storage case for the sword of Saint Michael.

They all wander back over to the painting behind the statue of Saint Michael.

They’re astonished to see what appears to be Nearest now in the painting, battling Yog-Formido in the pits of hell alongside other heavenly archangels.

35. EXT – TRAIN CROSSING – DAY

Jennifer sits in Lucille at a traffic signal, waiting for the train to pass.

When the train passes, Jennifer spots Deacon Malum riding onboard.

Jennifer punches the gas and races to catch the speeding train, on a mission from God.

• This reply was modified 6 months, 4 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 4 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 4 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 4 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 4 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Thanks Dean!

Good luck on your project, it’s an awesome premise!

Take care, enjoy your holidays and be well!

[David Wetzel]

Hi Dean,

This is great!

Much more condensed and I really like that someone may be left to warn the world of the danger, great job!

[David Wetzel]

Dave Wetzel’s Outline Version 2

• Title: DIRE FALLS

• Logline: At Dire Falls Preparatory School, an aimless soul, a faithless war veteran and band of students fight evil both from within and the pits of hell.

• Horror Outline:

1. INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

A terrified student runs along a dark passage, growls can be heard close behind.

The student pulls on an old metal door, but he can’t open it.

2. EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT

The student finally opens the door and evades the demon, but only for a moment and is soon killed by an unseen evil.

3. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

The school is buzzing with the news of the attack.

There’s a rumor going around that a similar string of attacks happened at the school twenty years ago.

A small band of student mystery solvers discusses the murder during study hall, the janitor, “Nearest,” overhears them.

4. INT – SCHOOL OFFICE – DAY

Jennifer is a new administrative assistant and Nearest (a janitor and war veteran) are friends and having lunch together, Nearest tells Jennifer about the gang’s interest in the killing.

Nearest tells Jennifer that the gang is known for solving small time mysteries around school.

5. INT – SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – DAY

The dean of the school and a visiting priest, Deacon Malum, tell the students the student must have been killed by a wild animal and not to spread crazy rumors.

6. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

Jennifer and Nearest tell the gang not to get involved in the school investigation since it could be dangerous.

Discreetly, the gang plan to ignore the warnings and continue their own investigation.

7. EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT

That night, a violent snowstorm hits the area, the bridge to school is knocked out and the whole student body is socked in on the school grounds.

8. INT – LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT

During the violent storm, a student is brutally murdered inside the locker room and the body is taken down a secret passageway.

Nearest finds the blood in the locker room and alerts the dean, Deacon Malum is on the scene too.

9. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – NIGHT

One of the gang overhears the conversation among the faculty, the gang are sure evil is afoot.

They find a hidden book in a dark corner of the library.

10. INT – DORM ROOM – NIGHT

Another student is attacked inside his dorm room by the demon which entered through a secret passageway inside the dorms.

11. INT – SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – DAY

The dean and Deacon Malum assert that the student had a history of mental health issues and was a three-time run away before this disappearance.

The gang are not buying the story and want to investigate the case.

They piece together that both the students share a first name with an apostle.

12. INT – SCHOOL OFFICE – DAY

Jennifer and Nearest are sure that evil is afoot and begin to research the school’s dark history.

Jennifer confides in Nearest that she feels lost in life and she doesn’t know what her true path in life is supposed to be.

She tells Nearest that if she ever figures out what that is she’d buy a car like Nearest’s 1969 Camero (nicknamed Lucille) and never look back.

13. INT – JENNIFER’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jennifer tries to recover from the horrible events, the demon appears in the shape of a student and is about to attack when Nearest appears.

The demon resumes the form of the student and leaves.

14. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – NIGHT

Jennifer confides in Nearest about her synesthesia abilities and says she senses a red aura around anything evil and sees it around Deacon Malum.

Jennifer is embarrassed because she’s not sure of what she sees as real or a hallucination from her former days as an opioid addict.

Nearest confides in his loss of faith and that he’s familiar with addiction as a recovering alcoholic and tells her to trust her instincts.

Their research uncovers the similarities of the attacks that occurred twenty years ago.

The gang overhears Jennifer and Nearest conversation and tells them they want to help, Jennifer and Nearest are reluctant but relent.

15. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer is in the chapel; she notices the painting behind the statue of Saint Micheal of archangels fighting demons from hell.

She notices one of the demons, Yog-Formido, resembles what a student described earlier.

The dean arrives and tries to lend some comfort and is killed from behind by the demon.

Jennifer and the gang see a long, tall dark figure running behind an old statue of a gargoyle in the chapel.

16. INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

The gang and Jennifer follow the dark figure down the passageway, another student follows along.

17. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Jennifer and the gang observe the demon and come upon a bright yellow / orange portal to hell.

Renny tries to tackle the demon but is thrown off, the demon slashes the throat of the student that tagged along.

Tom has his stomach slashed open by the demon’s claws and it disappears with the dead student into the portal to hell.

18. INT – DARK PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT

The gang helps carry Tom back up the passageway, at the top is Deacon Malum.

Jennifer sees the red aura around the deacon and is sure he’s evil.

19. INT – SCHOOL INFERMARY – NIGHT

The gang get Tom cared for, Nearest arrives Jennifer tells him about the demon and the attack and her suspicions about Deacon Malum.

20. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Deacon Malum summons the demon back and orders it kill Jennifer, Nearest and the gang.

21. INT – NEAREST’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Nearest digs out his army old service revolver from his footlocker and makes sure he has bullets.

He also sifts through other items but they’re unseen at the moment.

22. INT – GYM – DAY

Jennifer sees Marley working out on a boxing dummy with a police baton.

Marley is frustrated that Terry won’t pay her enough attention.

Jennifer assures Marley that she’s awesome and any guy would be lucky to have her for a girlfriend.

23. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

The gang with Jennifer and Nearest regroup in the school chapel.

24. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

The gang confront Deacon Malum and the demon at the portal to hell, the gang try to fight the demon but he’s too strong.

Nearest shoots the demon but his bullets don’t hurt it.

One bullet ricochets off the demon and seems to kill Deacon Malum who falls into the portal to hell.

The demon follows the deacon into hell and gang escapes.

25. INT – SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

Jennifer and the gang begin to look for clues about the demon and what it wants.

They learn that the demon comes out every twenty years and must kill twelve students with the same first name of the apostles to escape the school grounds.

They learn that the demon can be harmed by holy objects and a sword gifted by a saint can pierce its skin.

The demon can take and shape of any living human / animal, but its true appearance is revealed in the reflection of any holy object.

Tom tells the gang his research revealed the demon is not alone and there are four other demons in portals to hell under other Catholic schools with a dark history.

Anyone who has been gifted the sword of a saint by a saint or an angel must find the other four demons and destroy them.

Nearest is nearby and hears the story but leaves Jennifer and the kids alone to bond.

26. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Nearest is alone in the chapel and rediscovers his faith in God, the statue of Saint Michael comes to life and gifts Nearest with the sword of Saint Michael.

27. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer, Nearest and the gang arrive at the chapel, ready to face the demon, armed with their new knowledge and resolve.

28. INT – PORTAL TO HELL – NIGHT

Renny and the gang are armed with various holy objects that take turns hurting the demon.

It tries to escape to hell but Nearest blocks its path, they battle and Nearest stabs the demon in the side with the sword.

As the demon is dying and falling into hell, it impales Nearest and takes him along with it!

Nearest gifts Jennifer the sword of Saint Micheal and she sees an aura of a white and a halo over Nearest’s head, he has become an archangel.

Nearest yells at Jennifer to look deep inside his footlocker as he falls into the pits of hell.

29. EXT – SCHOOL GROUNDS – DAY

The snowstorm breaks and the bridge to school is repaired, the authorities arrive, the school is safe.

30. INT – SCHOOL INFERMARY – DAY

Jennifer and the gang visit Tom who is still recovering from the wounds.

Jennifer and the gang talk about their adventure and examine the newly gifted sword of Saint Michael.

Jennifer tells them that she’s leaving school, she has finally found her purpose in life.

31. INT – NEAREST’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jennifer enters Nearest’s bedroom and finds his old army footlocker.

Jennifer discovers a false bottom in the locker and finds a cache of hundreds of thousands of dollars wrapped in neatly packed bundles.

There’s a note on top of the money from Nearest, he tells her he thinks that she’s found her purpose in life.

Take Lucille and to hunt down the four other demons and finish God’s work.

32. INT – SCHOOL SHOP CLASS – DAY

Terry, Johnny and Marley marvel at Renny’s handiwork on a storage case for the sword of St. Michael.

33. INT – SCHOOL CHAPEL – NIGHT

Jennifer sits alone and prays for the strength to complete her noble quest.

The gang arrive and they all hug and promise to stay in touch with each other.

Marley gifts Jennifer with Renny’s new storage case for the sword of Saint Michael.

They wander back over to the painting behind the statue of Saint Michael.

They’re all astonished to see what appears to be Nearest in the painting, battling Yog-Formido in the pits of hell alongside other heavenly archangels.

34. EXT – TRAIN CROSSING – DAY

Jennifer sits in Lucille at a traffic signal, waiting for the train to pass.

When the train passes, Jennifer spots Deacon Malum riding onboard.

Jennifer punches the gas and races to catch the speeding train, on a mission from God.

• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Hi Dean,

Thanks so much for looking at my outline, great thoughts on the epilogue, I'll work on trimming that up, I've been out of town sorry for the slow response.

I'll check yours out Sunday,

Thanks!
Dave

• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Hi Dean, this is an awesome premise to develop, congratulations!

Here are some thoughts, maybe tighten up the log line to one sentence,

Logline: In a small and isolated village, a mysterious “Myst” preys on loneliness and fear.

With each scene description maybe go for broad strokes of the descriptions of action within each single scene.

Here’s an example.

Fear: They see level three Myst attacking someone else who was stupid enough to be out in the Myst like they are. Thick Roaming Myst (Hunter Layer): A dense, roaming Myst moves unpredictably throughout the town, actively hunting individuals who are emotionally vulnerable. This thick Myst can form shadowy figures and whispers, playing on the fears of its victims and engulfing those who succumb to despair. The presence of these three layers – each with its own function – creates an environment of total isolation, helplessness, and inevitable doom.

Example: Fear: Marcus and Dr Hart witness level three myst (Hunter Layer) attack someone who ventured outside. They think the layers of myst work together to create an environment of isolation and eventual doom.

If each scene description can be distilled down to a short summary of the action that occurs without adding a lot of emotion and inner thoughts it will give you a sense of general flow of the story.

One more thought, instead of having everyone killed in the town, maybe Anna escapes (wounded but alive) so there’s someone left to try to warn the world of the impending danger, like Charlie Sheen in “The Arrival.” The aliens are here, he alone must warn the world.

The story is a great idea, congratulations!

• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[David Wetzel]

Thanks Zachary!

[David Wetzel]

Thanks Zachary! This should be fun to bring to life!

[David Wetzel]

Thanks Diane! The old and scarier the better with dark past added!