Wilke Durand
Forum Replies Created
-
Logline: A suspended policewoman, in search of a pregnant teenager, must face the demons of her past as she fights a violent network to save this young girl and her unborn child.
OUTLINE
1.INT. HOME VANDERBELT – BEDROOM LILLY – NIGHT
Lilly is asleep. The doorknob slowly comes down. Her eyes wide open. When the door opens, she quickly closes them again. A man enters the room, sits next to her on the bed and softly strokes her hair and face. We need to speak about your behavior lately. You’re hurting your mother. She pulls the sheets up to under her nose, but he draws them down. Not a word about this to your mother. The consequences will be devastating for you. You understand? Do you understand? Without saying another word, he rapes her. Lilly stares at the wall. Expressionless. She transcended to another world.
2. INT. HOME VANDERBELT – DININGROOM – DAY
Lilly and mother are having breakfast. The man who raped her enters the room. They discuss the fact that she has to see the mentor about a paper she wrote. She’s defensive doesn’t want to talk. Closed off. She leaves when she hears a car honk. That’s her ride. Stepdad and mom discuss her big mouth. When can I just sit here in my own house and enjoy breakfast.
3. INT. HOME MEG & SARAH – DININGROOM
Two women having breakfast while getting ready to leave. We see a picture of one of them in police uniform graduating. She now puts on a security guard jacket. Sarah stops her and kisses her: I don’t know what it is about you in a uniform; you’re hot. Meg is wearing a security guard uniform. Sarah tells Meg she’s going to be late; she has mentor talks today. Talks about the disturbing paper she read from Lilly. You know her. The mayor’s stepdaughter. So real. The girl commits suicide. I need to speak to her about it. This isn’t right. She thinks Meg is sexy in her uniform. Meg thinks she’s crazy. The only thing this uniform does is remind me of the batch I’ve lost. You’ll get it back. Just be a good girl now and go see this police psychiatrist. Oh, come on! That cunt. Behave Meg. Jesus. When’s your next therapy session? Oh, thank you so much for making me feel less crazy.
4. EXT. ST. CLAIRE’S HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Meg and Sarah drive up the driveway and park the car. It becomes clear that this job is not making Meg happy.
We see Lilly walking up the stairs with a girlfriend. Sarah waves at her. See you in a bit, Lilly.
Meg: it’s like looking at myself that age. How unhappy can you get. Sarah utters her concern with this girl. Suicide mention.
5. INT. HALLWAY SCHOOL – DAY
Lilly with friend Becca. Are you coming to mine? No, I have a mentor talk. Come after then and sleep over. I’m not allowed to sleep over. My stepdad won’t let me. I must go to stupid function with my stepfather. I can sleep over at yours if he lets you go then. Lilly doesn’t want that. Why not? Because my parents are weird. She laughs, just a little too loud.
6. INT. HIGH SCHOOL – SARAH’S ROOM – DAY
Sarah talks about the paper Lilly wrote. It’s so depressed and detailed about suicide. It worries her.
Knock on the door. It’s Lilly. We now see that she is talking to Lilly’s stepfather. Lilly is shocked to see he’s sitting there. So, tell us about the paper he asks. What’s the reason you are so sad. Lilly says it’s all fiction. They should not think anything of it.
INCITING INCIDENT – MEG SEES A VIOLENT STREAK IN STEPFATHER. TRIGGERS HER TO TAKE AN INTEREST IN LILLY.
7. INT. BATHROOM SCHOOL -DAY
Meg breaks up a fight between two boys and from the corner of her eye watches Lilly quickly entering the bathroom, crying. When Lily comes out, MEG watches stepdad and Lilly argue. From a distance it looks like he’s threatening her. She turns pale and starts breathing heavily. Controls herself and walks up to them and asks if everything is alright. Everything is fine. He introduces himself. I’m the mayor of this wonderful town. Meg is not impressed. He leaves. Sarah comes out and asks Lilly if she’s alright. She says yes. They talk about which university Lilly wants to go after her graduation. She’s doing so well; she might get into a prestigious one. Lilly would like to go to NYC to study English literature. Just like Sarah. Is she looking forward? She is. Very much so. Meg joins them and asks about the fight with her dad was all about. She doesn’t want to go to a function with her parents, she wants to go to the school dance. But she’ll go to that stupid function. It’s clear Lilly is scared. Sarah gives her private number. You can call anytime Sarah.
8. INT. POLICE PSYCHIATRIST OFFICE – DAY
Therapy session with psychiatrist.
Meg doesn’t break but psychiatrist sees this as a sign she’s not ready. The investigation is still in motion. How does she feel about that? How was her relationship with her own father?
Meg answers it was okay. But you are not visiting him now that he has cancer? No. She doesn’t feel the need. Her relationship with him wasn’t that good. Is he dying? She doesn’t know and doesn’t care.
Did she see the pictures of the man she arrested and assaulted, yet?
Does she want to? She acts like it’s no problem. We see the pictures of the man she assaulted while arresting him. How does this make her feel? Do you remember etc. etc.
How’s it going with the panic attacks? Good. It doesn’t happen any longer.
9. INT. CITY HALL MIAMI – CONFERENCE HALL MAYOR – NIGHT
Speech mayor. It’s stepdad. Police officials fill the room. He announces that the city of Miami
Will donate to the police a new communication system and the computers.
Mother and Lilly stand beside him in silence. Smiling.
10. INT. CITY HALL MIAMI – RECEPTION ROOM MAYOR – NIGHT
Mother and Lilly stand beside stepdad, while he shakes hands and excepts many thank you’s.
The captain of the police force embraces him and slams amicable on the shoulder. The force is so grateful to get rid of the old slow computers and a new system altogether. He owes him big time.
11. INT. CAR – NIGHT
Mother asks about the talk with mentor. Father little cynical about the suicide paper. Mother laughs with him. But she still asks if she can be totally sure nothing’s going on. Lilly reassures her. She’s not going to kill herself.
Mother is upset. Stepdad suppresses his anger.
11. INT. BEDROOM LILLY – NIGHT
Lilly takes out a rope and places a chair next to the window. Is she hanging herself?
12. INT. HOME VANDERBRUGER – BEDROOM PARENTS – NIGHT
Mother is still upset. Stepfather gives her a pill to sleep. He will talk to Lilly. Mother thanks him for being such a good father to Lilly. She wouldn’t know what to do without him…
13. INT. BEDROOM LILLY – NIGHT
An empty bed. The doorknob slowly goes down. Stepdad appears and is startled by the look of the open window. A rope hanging out. He runs to the window and in a distance, we see Lilly walking on the deserted road. He runs downstairs. Jumps in the car and follows her.
14. EXT. STREETS – NIGHT
He gets out of the car and grabs her. Puts his hands around her throat: I’m going to kill you, you hear? I swear to God: I’m gonna kill you if you do this to your mother again. Why would you runaway for? You live a life of luxury. I work my ass off to give you and your mother everything you need and you’re doing this to us? He drags her into the car. Lilly starts crying and long loud cries. He puts his hand over her mouth to muffle the sound. She tells him she’s pregnant. Do you know who the father is? Of course, she knows. There is no other way, Lily tells him. I slept with no one else…The only thing he can say is I can see the headlines: the pregnancy of the mayor’s daughter. He drives the car into the night. He makes a call. Bernard? I need your help. It concerns a pregnant girl. 17 years old. Thank you, Bernhard.
15. INT. ST. CLAIRE’S HIGHSCHOOL – NIGHT
Meg and Sarah are cleaning up after the school party. Sarah expresses her worries about Lilly. She didn’t attend the dance. Mentions stepdad. I walk into my office and the mayor is sitting there. Very nice man. They’re making fun of Sarah being star struck by the mayor. MEG thinks he’s an as hole. Hasn’t got any reasons to think so. Sarah angry. Meg should go to her therapy sessions. She sees an asshole in every man.
They turn off the light and close the door.
16. INT. SHELTER – BERNARD – NIGHT
He’s extremely nice to her. Does she know who the father is. Should we notify anybody. Are you sure you want an abortion? She’s very sure. He wants to talk with stepdad alone. Stepdad lies about Lilly being very promiscuous, so anyone could be the father. Introduced to gynecologist. Gynecologist knows stepdad. Old boys’ network. Talks with both Lilly and stepdad in private about the abortion. Who’s the father? Stepdad lies about promiscuity Lilly. Gynecologist. Old boys’ network. Talks with Lilly in private about the abortion. Who’s the father? Lilly cries. She doesn’t know.
While stepdad is talking to the gyn. in his office the assistant fills out Lilly’s form.
17. INT. EXAMINATION ROOM GYNECOLOGIST BERNARD – NIGHT
He examines her and concludes that she’s too far gone to perform an abortion on her. Stepdad and Lily can’t believe this is true. Stepdad says something like; We…uh she..uhm …her period was not so long ago. The doctor looks at him puzzled: what does he know about the period of his stepdaughter. The gynecologist raises his eyebrows: does he suspect something? He tells stepdad, he’ll see to it that she’s in good hands. He will call the Goldbergers, the billionaire couple. They work a lot young girls. Stray cats they call them. He also finds them at the shelter for runaway trains. They are very kind and are desperately seeking someone to carry a baby for them. This way it won’t reach the press. He calls them and after a brief conversation, he says: You’re welcome at the Goldbergers, Lilly. They are very excited that you are coming. You can have the baby there in peace and quiet. When he’s alone, he makes another call. Cryptic. I’ve got something special for you. As requested. Then we’re even.
18. INT. ST. PATRICKS HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Meg and Sara start their day. Stepdad enters and tells Sarah that Lilly won’t be attending school anymore. Discussion. She is 17. In Florida the rule is that you must attend school until the age of 16. By law. He can’t force her to go. Meg and Sarah are dumbfounded. Meg wants to pay her mother a visit. She’s a detective after all. The girl was eager to go to university. What’s wrong with these people? Sarah is against it. Meg is suspended. No police work for her if she wants her job back. Meg flips. She says she is done with the questioning her abilities as a policewoman. Done with the fucking therapy. The past is the past. Sarah wants to know why she won’t talk about the past then.
19. EXT. BOAT – DAY
Gynecologist takes Lilly to billionaire couple.
One rule: no phones in the house. The housekeepers are very friendly but stern. She will meet with the Goldberger’s later. First settle in. Lilly is in awe with the splendor of the mansion. Bernard shows her the premise. The stables, the tennis court, the pool. From a distance we can see there are a lot of grey, white men with teenage girls having fun at the pool. The Goldbergers are there too. Quickly Bernard ushers her inside.
PP I MEG STARTS INVESTIGATION. SHE’S COMING WITH SARAH.
20. EXT. HOME VANDERBELT – DAY
Meg and Sarah ring the bell. A maid opens the door. Mrs. Vanderbelt is not feeling well. Meg insists and says they can wait.
21. INT. HOME VANDERBELT – DAY
Meg looks around. Mother finally comes downstairs. Lilly is at friends. No, she doesn’t know where. She got herself in trouble. Her husband wouldn’t tell what kind of trouble. Not to worry her. But he assured her she’s safe and she’s going to be alright. Her husband thinks it’s better if they are not in contact now. Lilly is a very difficult girl and I’m not well at all, so it’s probably best if we don’t see each other for a while. Weird behavior.
22. EXT. HOME VANDERBELT – DAY
They look at each other. What the fuck? Where would a girl go that is in trouble? The shelter.
23. INT. GYNECOLOGIST OFFICE – DAY
At the shelter Meg meets the gynecologist and asks about Lilly. He can’t give her any details for privacy reasons. He asks her badge. She hasn’t got one. On her way-out Meg casually asks the assistant for Lilly’s address. It’s the Goldberger’s Mansion. Meg must go to her therapy session and will ask her ex-partner for help. She needs to change though. She’s not going to visit the station in her monkey suit.
24. INT. GOLDBERG’S MANSION – DAY
Lilly is introduced to the Goldbergers. They are glamorous, attractive people. They ask her about her dreams and aspirations. Lilly feels seen and heard. She glows. There is another girl around who they introduce as their protegé. They thank Lilly for making it possible for them to be parents at last. They think she’s very pretty. How do you feel? Are you experiencing anything uncomfortable about the pregnancy? Tell us right away. We have masseuses and medical staff around 24/7. Germaine Goldberger shows her the massage room. Here’s where the magic happens. Why don’t you lay down so I can rub your back. She touches Lilly’s breasts. She thinks they feel tender, probably from pregnancy. She takes Lilly’s hand, puts them on her breasts and smiles. Feel. They feel totally different than yours, don’t you think. Lilly freezes. This doesn’t feel good, but normal enough not to stop it.
26. INT. POLICE STATION – PSYCHIATRIST OFFICE – DAY
Meg in session. Silence. Finally, the psychiatrist asks: you’re silence…what does it mean. No answer. Psychiatrist warns her, that when the hearing comes she has to file her report and it’s required to have made some progress. That’s not happening when you stay silent. So, if you want your job back, it’s very important to open up to me. Meg slams her fist on the table. Okay! If you want to know? The old bastard just died. And no, I’m not going to his funeral to pay him my respect. Because I don’t have any.
27. INT. GOLDBERGER’S MANSION – DAY
Lilly sees the Goldberger’s drive away in their car. Lilly explores the house and stumbles upon the protegé. They get along and the girl shows Lilly the control room. Camera’s are everywhere. Taped also girls in the bathroom. Surveillance / watched – cameras in the house. They find sex videos. She tries to call Sarah with the home phone. A click. The phone’s dead. The phone’s tapped. Quickly the girls put everything in order again.
28. GOLDEBERGER MANSION = OFFICE HOUSEKEEPERS – DAY
Mrs. tells Mr. the call was made from the control room. Go there, quick.
29. INT. GOLDBERGER’S MANSION – DAY
When the housekeepers walk in on them. The protégé is giving Lilly a neck massage. What exactly did they see? The girls deny. They haven’t seen anything. The housekeepers must report this to the Goldbergers. Sure. No problem. As soon as they leave, Lilly signals the protégé to stand on the lookout. Quickly Lilly dials a number with the land line. No answer.
LILLY wants out. The girl tells Lilly that the couple is bad news and that she must flee the island. She doesn’t know much about the gynecologist. He has been at parties, but she never saw him leave with a girl. Let’s leave together. They plan to meet at the boathouse.
30. INT. HOME MEG & SARAH – DAY
Sarah’s phone beeps. 2 missed calls. Call back the number see who it is. They look it up on their computer. It’s the Goldberg Mansion. The guy who has been convicted for fucking underaged prostitutes. What does he want from Sarah? They call the number.
31. INT. GOLDBERG MANSION – HOUSEKEEPERS OFFICE – DAY
Mrs. Housekeeper picks up the phone. Looks at her husband and signals to give her a pen. She says and what’s your number? Ah oh…now I see…I have dialed the wrong number. Your number ends at 3 but I was supposed to dial an 8. I scribbled the number down in a hurry…I’m sorry to have bothered you. Meg wants to go and see stepdad to ask where Lilly is. Sarah doesn’t want her to get involved. You focus on your own stuff. Here’s where our responsibility ends.
32. EXT. HOME VANDERBELT – NIGHT
Meg’s sitting in her car, watching the house. She hesitates but goes over the house and rings the bell. The housekeeper opens the door. She tells Meg she has to make an appointment. Stepdad appears. He says it’s okay and lets Meg in. She asks him where Lily is. He wants to know who’s asking. She introduces herself as Detective Meg Stubs. He wants to see her badge. She says she’s suspended. Then she has no business being here. He can assure her: Lilly is fine. Better than she has ever been. Stepdad tells her he doesn’t know either. Mother comes down. She looks sick. It’s best for her to leave Lily in peace for now. She doesn’t want to see them. She’s in good hands.
33. INT. GOLDBERG MANSION – NIGHT
Lilly sneaks out of the house. Avoiding the cameras.
33. EXT. GOLDBERG MANSION – BOAT HOUSE – NIGHT
When she arrives, she sees her new friend Abby waiting for her. When she comes closer, the housekeepers and Mr. & Mrs. Goldberg appear. A security guard leads Abby away. They leave the island in a hurry. The housekeepers tell her off. The couple has been so generous she must be grateful. That awful girl has been coming here for years and has gotten a professional training and she is so ungrateful. They bring Lilly to the billionaire couple. They interrogate Lilly. How much does she know? Suddenly, they are not the soft-spoken nice people anymore.
30. INT. HOME MEG & SARAH – NIGHT
Meg comes in. Sarah in bed. She joins her and tells her she visited stepdad. No luck. Her phone rings. It’s her boss, the chief of police. She has to come in for a talk the next day. What’s it about? Hopefully it’s about the hearing and she can return to the police force soon.
33. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Talk police chief and Meg. She must stay away from the mayor. 1. He has just donated the entire IT system to the force. 2. She’s suspended, so no more contact. The hearing will be in 2 day’s time, so back off. You can’t be involved in another scandal.
34. EXT. GOLDBERG MANSION – DAY
TV cameras and journalists outside the gate. Lilly watches the news. Her friend that betrayed her is found dead in another state. Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg are talking to the press. Very articulate and clique. We have helped her, tried everything we could to keep her clean, but the addiction was stronger. We are very sad. She was like a daughter to us. Lilly is in shock and pretends to feel pain. Cramps. They contact the gynecologist. He must come and examine her.
35. INT. HOME MEG & SARAH – DAY
Meg enters. Depressed. She won’t get her job back. Sarah comforts her. They turn on the TV and watch the new about the dead girl that apparently lived at the Goldberg Mansion for a long time. Meg jumps up. They killed her. Sarah tries to calm her down: Oh sweetie. You literally see a child killer/molester in everyone. What happened to you? Meg is stone cold: she just has seen too many children living in hell that’s called home. I saw just a little too many perverts. Especially the rich and powerful. The ones that people look up to. They are the worst. Sarah: maybe vice is just not the right place for you to work?
36. INT. GYNECOLOGIST OFFICE – DAY
There are two men with Bernard in his office, who listen to the conversation with Goldberg with great interest. They want to come with him. Bernard thinks it’s too soon. They should wait. 9 months is a long time. She’s not that much overdue. Tells his assistant he’ll be at Goldberg’s. On their way-out they bump into stepdad. Stepdad comes over to ask about Lilly. He wants to know where she is and with whom. Gynecologist tells stepdad to leave her alone and not to report her missing. The two criminal looking guys blackmail him: don’t report her missing otherwise I’ll go to the police tell them you sexually abused your stepdaughter. Yes. They know. Gynecologist: you gave yourself away Mr.
A cryptic conversation between criminals and gynecologist. They tell him to follow their plan. It’s not safe there. They are too sloppy over there.
37. INT. ST. PATRICKS HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Meg is greeting the boys and girls that are coming in. In comes Lilly’s friend. Meg asks if she ever heard from her friend again. Sadly no. I’ve called her a hundred time, but her phone is not even on. Nothing on Insta or Tik Tok. Very unlike Lilly. It just doesn’t feel good not to know where her friend is. Could Meg help her find her? Meg promises to help her.
38. INT. VANDENBELT MANSION – NIGHT
Meg confronts stepdad and mother. Must report their child missing. Stepdad influential can have her fired. She talks with the mother and tells her off. What kind of mother is she?
38. EXT. ST. PATRICKS HIGHSCHOOL – DAY
Meg and Sarah drive away. Meg wants to stop by at the gynecologist office again. Sarah asks her if that’s a good idea: the hearing is tomorrow. You don’t want to get into trouble babe. Meg raises her eyebrows. More trouble than I’m already in?
39. INT. SHELTER – DAY
Meg asks if she can speak to Dr. Bernard. No he left. Can she wait? No he won’t be back for some time. Meg asks the assistant for Lilly’s address. She gave her the wrong address. That’s her home address, you see? And she moved somewhere else. Assistant looks it up. She is now at the Goldberg Mansion. Well what a coincidence. Dr Bernard just went there, I believe. He goes there quite often with his stray cats.
40. INT. GOLDBERG MANSION – DAY
Gynecologist examines Lilly. The Goldbergs want to be in the room, but he refuses. No this is between my patient and me. Lily tells the gynecologist that she wants to escape; he says he will help her. He promises her to smuggle her from the island. She tells him the billionaire couple are abusing the girls. Tried to touch her too. He promises he will protect her. Just hang in there. He tells her 2 police officers will come and get her later. They will tell them they are there on behalf of Lilly’s family. This is all part of an investigation of the Goldbergs. He makes a phone call. ‘ She’s ready to go’.
Lilly tries to listen in on the conversation he has with the Goldbergs next door.
41. INT. GOLDBERG MANSION – LIVING ROOM – DAY
He tells the couple Lilly wants out. They fight over the baby. They threaten him. They will ruin his career. He will always have to look over his shoulder. It was never your intention to let us keep the baby. They don’t know what kind of sick game he’s playing but they know he wants the baby himself. He always kept his part of the bargain. The baby was a coincidence. They got lucky. But the girl wants to leave. They’ve got plenty of girls he delivered on their doorstep. Plenty of girls to use as a surrogate. He leaves.
42. EXT. GOLDBERG MANSION – DAY
Meg and Sarah are watching the entrance of the mansion. They see the gynecologist leave while 2 men driving up the driveway, get out of the car and show their batches to the housekeeper.
43. EXT. GOLDBERG MANSION – DAY
Meg is puzzled. Who are these guys? Are they cops? Is it FBI? She doesn’t know them. They enter the house. After a while Lilly and the two men are coming out. Meg starts the car. She must know where they are taking her. She follows the car.
44. INT. CAR CRIMINALS – DAY
The man behind the wheel looks in his rear mirror. He notices Meg’s car is following them. He signals to his partner, who takes a gun out. He tells Lilly not to worry and to lay down. Bad people are following them. The guy opens the window and shoots.
45. INT. CAR MEG – DAY
A bullet flies right through the front window. It bursts in a thousand fragments. Meg is completely overwhelmed by the situation. Sarah screams while Sarah tries to keep the car on the road. The car zig zags, hits another car, spins, and stops against a tree.
46. INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Meg and Sarah are questioned by the police. Police chef enters and tells Meg he had a talk with the mayor, who has supported the police force with communication system. We don’t want them to be crossed. She must back off. She is jeopardizing her come back to the force. The hearing is tomorrow. Maybe we should postpone it. No! That’s not what she wants. You were on a stake out at the Goldberg mansion. Why? You are fixated on pedophile cases. Leave the judgement up to us. This man is doing so much for the arts, for science, for politicians. This is way out of our league, Meg. Back off. He is a philanthropist. Gives enormous amounts of money to the community. You are not ready to come back. Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg are very concerned about Lilly. These men posed as FBI agents. Why did those people shoot at you? What did you do to these people this time? Did you shoot at them? Hand in your gun, you should have handed that in long time ago. There’s something not right in your head. And leave the investigation of Lilly’s abduction up to us.
47. INT. HOME GYNECOLOGIST – NIGHT
Lilly stays at gyn. home. She asks her phone back, but he thinks it safer not to make any calls. The Goldbergs are powerful people. She must promise to stay safe: no phones, no computers. Bernard installs her on the couch with a blanket. Makes her hot chocolate. I’m so sorry that you must go through all of this. He fatherly strokes her hair. You’re very special, you know that? Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You’re only 17. You’re very mature for your age. Lilly glows. His kind words touch her to the core. She misses her mom. Bernard comforts her. She’ll be going home soon. No! That’s not what she wants. Lilly doesn’t want to go home. He calms her down. Okay sweetpea, okay. You’re staying right here with me.
48. INT VANDERBELT HOME – NIGHT
Stepfather, mother, and detective. Questions of who could know where she is. The name Bernard comes up. He’s the one that brought her to the Goldbergs in the first place.
49. INT. HOME MEG & SARAH – NIGHT
Meg and Sarah enter. Meg’s depressed. Sarah is angry. Doesn’t say a word. It drives Meg crazy. Finally, she bursts out: Say it! Say I’m fucked up. Yes, I am fucked up. I was abused, used as a doormat and I haven’t ‘worked that through’, like my psychiatrist so euphemistically puts it. Well, fuck you, Sarah. Fuck you. With your fine and dandy childhood. With your loving parents and your loving siblings. Fuck you. Maybe you still trust the world, but I’m not. Sorry about that. Call me crazy but I’m going to try and find Lilly. Because I believe she is in danger. Fuck that.
50. INT. HOME GYNECOLOGIST – NIGHT
Lilly and Bernard are watching a movie together when the doorbell rings. He signals that Lilly must be quiet. He quickly puts her in the other room, taking her cup and blanket, pushing her into the room. It’s the detective. He lets him in. Asks a couple of questions. Shows him pictures from the security cameras of the Goldbergs. Does he know these men? No. Has he heard from Lilly? No. The doorbell. It’s Meg. The detective sends her away. He has to report this. Won’t look good at the hearing tomorrow. Meg: fuck the hearing. Asshole. Bernard suggests going to the shelter and see if Lilly has been seen there. The detective to Meg: and you’re not coming, luni.
51. INT. HOME GYNECOLOGIST – NIGHT
Lilly hears Bernard leave. She gets out of bed. Gets a drink and some food and snoops around a little.
52. EXT. HOME GYNECOLOGIST – NIGHT
Meg sits in her car and watches the gynecologist leave with her ex-colleague. She gets out of the car and climbs over the fence. She climbs up to look through the window. Where she sees Lilly.
53. INT. HOME GYNECOLOGIST – NIGHT
Lilly startled jumps up as she hears a knock on the window. She sees it’s Meg who signals her to open the door. She opens the door. Meg is very clear: get your stuff we’re out of here. You’re in danger. Lilly refuses. She trusts Bernard. Meg snoops around, trying to find proof. Breaks open his desk. Lilly wants to stop her. You can’t do this. She finds a loaded gun. She tries to open the computer no luck. She finds a notebook with names of girls with a phone number attached. She calls one: the girl answers with Hi Mr. Bocuse. She hangs up. Next one. This girl also answers with Mr. Bocuse. She tries to open the computer with Mr. Bocuse. No luck. Now with Bocuse. It opens. Files with photos of naked young girls complete with address and date of birth. Also, there are price tags attached to the girls. The younger the pricier. Now she sees a file: operation baby.
Finds videos on computer involving babies. We hear a baby cry. She puts her hand in front of Lilly’s eyes. Don’t look. Don’t look. Meg vomits. Lilly cries hysterically. She hears the door open.
Bernard and the two ‘policemen’ are coming in. Meg grabs the gun and pushes Lilly into the room leading to the garden. There is a boat in the water behind the house. ‘She hears Bernard whisper: we can still stop it. Too much attention on the Goldbergs and Lilly now. Not a smart move shooting at that lunatic ex-detective. Overhears conversation about Lilly being useless anyway after the baby is born.
Bernard tells them he wants out. He wants to stop the baby deal. She already knows too much. The two men threaten him, they are powerful people and capable of having him disappear. They will kill the girl when it’s all over.
54. INT. HOME GYNECOLOGIST – GARDEN ROOM – NIGHT
Meg tries to open the doors to the garden. It’s locked. She whispers I’m going to break down that door: run as fast as you can to that boat. I will follow you. Lilly doesn’t want to she’s scared. Trust me. You have to run as fast as you can. If you can’t get the boat started, swim as fast as you can. Meg breaks down the door. Lilly runs. Thedoor opens.
55.EXT. GYNECOLOGIST HOME – GARDEN – NIGHT
Meg runs outside. The two ‘policemen‘ shoot at her. She falls. Lilly stops and runs back. Meg cries: go, go, go!! She shoots back but passes out and misses. Lilly grabs the gun. Holds it behind her back.
Lights go on in the surrounding houses. Suddenly the scene is there for everyone to see. Quickly they drag Meg who is unconscious into the dark side of the garden and shout to Lilly: go inside! But from the corner of her eye, Lilly notices that Meg opens her eyes. Secretly she drops the gun next to Meg and runs inside. Meg grabs the gun and points. She shoots one in the back, but the other man runs into the house and shoots at her. She crawls behind a tree and tries not to lose consciousness. She shouts at Lilly: run, Lilly!
Lilly tries to run, falls and hits a statue in the hallway and bleeds. Gynecologist wants to examine her. She struggles. Shots are fired. Lilly sees a gun laying on the floor. Meg’s still down but pointing her gun at criminal. When he wants to shoot her, Lilly manages to get the gun and shoot him. Gynecologist tries to escape but the police has arrived.
56. EXT. HOME GYNECOLOGIST – STREET – NIGHT
He easily gives himself up. With a gun in his hand, he holds his hands up high. When they approach him, he say: I give up and shoots himself through the head.
57. INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Lilly in hospital, she has lost the baby. She watches how the billionaire couple is taken into custody. Goldberg looks all smug. He thinks he’s going to get away with it. Mother in hospital beside her. Mother cries relentlessly if Lilly tells her that she doesn’t want to go back home. But seeing her mom in distress, she agrees to come home. She first wants to say goodbye to Meg.
58. INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Meg’s in bed, her arm in bandage. She’s okay. She wants to go home but the doctors won’t let her out just yet. Police inspector walks in: for a suspended policewomen you get shot at quite a lot. She will get her job back. That’s the least they can do.
Lilly walks in and thanks Meg. She’s going home. Meg asks if she’s, okay? Lilly says yes she is okay. Meg gives her phone number. Call me now so I have your number as well. Yes, got it. Call me if you need me. When she’s gone, Meg doesn’t feel comfortable with the kid going back home. She still doesn’t trust that stepdad. Sarah rolls her eyes: are you kidding me?
59. INT. VANDERBELT HOME – NIGHT
Lilly stepdad and mother at dinner table. Stepdad opens champagne. A festive mood. Happy that she’s back. Mother utterly happy. They all need some rest. We’re off to bed early.
60. INT. VANDERBELT HOME – BEDROOM PARENTS – NIGHT
Mother thanks her husband for a wonderful welcome home for Lilly. He’s the best. But why is he pestering her about her sleeping with many boys? You know that isn’t true. Well she must have slept with one at the very least, he says cynically. Your daughter is making you sick. See how tired you look right now. Yes, she now is dead tired. She already took her sleep medication. Her head is bursting again. All the things that could have happened to my girl. He kisses her. But they didn’t. It’s over now. The pill kicks in and she already doses of.
61. INT. VANDENBELT HOME – LILLY’S ROOM – NIGHT
Lilly is asleep. The doorknob slowly comes down. Her eyes wide open. When the door opens, she quickly closes them again. Stepdad enters and sits next to her on the bed. He pulls down the sheets. As he starts undressing her, Lilly reaches for her phone under the sheets and calls the last person she has called that day: Meg.
62. INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Meg’s phone rings. I’s Lilly. She picks up the phone. Lilly? No answer. She puts the phone on speaker and hears him breathing heavily saying:
So what did Lilly tell the police what had happened? Lilly scared: like you said. I ran away from home because I was pregnant. Ended up in the shelter and got aquatinted with the Goldbergs. Good. That’s the truth and nothing but the truth. You slept with too many guys to know who the father was, so I can imagine that’s shameful. You know that isn’t true.
63. INT. HOME VANDERBELT – LILLIY’S ROOM NIGHT
Tears well up in her eyes as he crawls on top of her.
64. INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Meg and Sarah jump up. We hear Lilly cry out hysterically; You know that isn’t true. You raped me. You know you were the only one, you bastard you know that….Lilly reaches under her bed and grabs a heavy candle holder waiting there to hit him. She hits him on the head. Hard. She pushes him away and tries to run. He dives from the bed and grabs her ankles. She falls.
65. INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Meg and Sarah run for the door. Meg in pyjama’s and limping but they reach the exit of the hospital. Sarah gets the car. We still hear Lilly screaming.
66. INT. VANDENBELT HOME – BEDROOM PARENTS – NIGHT
Mother wakes up and hears Lilly scream: You raped me. You raped me! She stumbles to Lilly’s room. We see him laying on top of Lilly. Naked. His blood dripping all over her. He tries to muffle her screams. Mother is crying hysterically. He shouts it’s all her fault. She can’t give him what he needs. You’re a sorry ass excuse for a wife. While he schleps Lilly by the hair through the hallway. Your whore daughter asked for it. She was dying to fuck me! Now mother is besides herself and runs for the candle holder.
67. INT. CAR MEG & SARAH – NIGH
Sarah drives through town like a mad woman, while they hear Lilly and mother cry out hysterically. Sarah’s using her phone to call ambulance and police. They arrive at the house and try to get in. They break the window and Sarah gets in through the window. Opens the door for Meg who stumbles inside. Takes out her gun as she limps upstairs. Mother and Vanderbelt are struggling Lilly gets up and as he lifts the candle holder to hit his wife, Meg shouts: stop! You fucking son of a bitch. Outside police and ambulances gather. Stepdad knows it over.
68. Stepdad is arrested. Mother and Lilly watch him getting into the police car. Meg and Sarah embrace each other. Sarah whispers in her ear: You did well, Stubs. You did well.
-
1. Check these three to see how effectively you used misdirection
A. The Red Herring character. The couple betrays her but are on her side.B. The Villain’s plan. He helps her get away from the couple and comes with two guys who are FBI. C. The cover-up for each mystery presents as “Reality.”
2. Look through your Thriller Map for a few opportunities to add in misdirection.
A. Clue Misdirection.B. Character Misdirection. Stepfather is very sympathetic. Dialogue Misdirection. Stepfather says things about Lilly that are inappropriate for a father to say. He knows when she had her period and says things like well she knows her way with men…
-
THRILLER MAP
1. What’s eating Lilly? Why is she depressed and writes about suicide?
2. The gynecologist is connected to pedophile network and needs the baby to pay off the 2 criminals he’s working with.
3. What is really happening in the billionaire couple’s house?
4. What has happened to the detective in the past? Why is she as troubled as she is?
Mystery 1. What is eating Lilly? Why is she depressed?
COVERT CLUES
· Stepdad is sad that Lilly is so hostile to him. In front of her mom, he asks her to stop that behavior. He also talks with the mentor in a loving way about her but asks what exactly did Lilly told her about what’s happening in her life?
· Stepdad enters her room when she is asleep and fatherly strokes her hair. Is he slowly moving towards her breasts?
· He stands too close to Lilly. Not in a fatherly way.
· When gynecologist asks her about the father, she cries hysterically. Gynecologist tells stepdad she is too far gone and will have to give birth to the baby and then stepdad no longer wants to take Lilly home.
· Detective visits the house of stepdad and mom. Puts pressure on stepdad.
· When it’s all over, Lilly doesn’t want to go home. Stepdad insists.
· She calls her mentor and leaves a message on voicemail telling her why she can’t stay here any longer.
· Stepdad rapes her but she has a chandelier underneath her blanket. She hits him and tries to get away. Her mother wakes up and overhears the conversation between her husband and daughter.
1. OVERT CLUES
· Mentor talks with her wife about Lilly and expresses her doubts about stepdad.
· Stepdad realizes the gynecologist lied about the length of Lilly’s pregnancy. He remembers she had her period after a gala. Gynecologist confronts him with knowing all this private information about his stepdaughter. Is he abusing her?
· Stepdad wants gynecologist to perform the abortion after all and blackmails him: he will go to the police telling them about his secret abortion clinic.
· When it’s all over she doesn’t want to go home. She seems scared.
· Mom is asleep again. He tries to rape her. Enters her room just as in opening scene. She has a chandelier hidden under her blankets. She manages to dial the mentor’s number. She runs and there is a fight. Mother wakes up. In an emotional confrontation Lilly tells her that he was the father.
MYSTERY 2. The gynecologist is connected to pedophile network and needs the baby to pay off the 2 criminals he’s working with.
OVERT CLUES
o Lily’s new friend informs her about the gynecologist but doesn’t show up at the meeting point.
o Gynecologist confesses that he brings girls to the couple but doesn’t know about the sexual abuse. She believes him.
o When he comes to collect Lilly, the couple accuse him of the fact that this was his plan all along. They threaten to ruin his life.
o Finds child’s pornography on his computer. Also the girl that has disappeared. Finds a secret file: operation baby.
o Lilly finds a diary with telephone numbers of teenage girls and calls a couple of them who all respond with: Hi Mr. Bocuse! That’s not his name.
o She tries to enter his computer finally she uses the password: Bocuse and enters. Numerous pictures of the names of the teenage girls she has found in his diary. Among them the friend who has disappeared. She wants to open a file named: operation baby. Access denied. He comes in. Confronts her.
o OVERHEARS conversation with criminals and realizes why they have an interest in her. She realizes the baby is for them.
o When Lilly miscarriages, he goes crazy. He tells her he’s dead now, she’s dead now too. Without a baby she’s of no use for them.
COVERT CLUES
o Gyn. Sends his assistant home and refuses to show Lily the ultrasound images.
o He tells Lilly and stepdad that she is not allowed to have an abortion, she is too far gone.
o He takes her to billionaire couple and helps her.
o Even though we think stepdad is trustable, we appreciate it when he listens to Lily when she says she’s scared of stepdad. He sees to it that stepdad doesn’t come near Lily again.
o When it turns out the billionaire couple are sexually abusing young girls and are abusing her, he promises to save her. Comes in with the 2 criminals posing as FBI agents. When her friend turns up dead, he comes to her rescue with 2 criminals and promises to go to the police.
o When the billionaire couple follow them the criminals and the gynecologist get shot at. They protect Lily.
Mystery 3. What is really happening at the billionaire’s home?
OVERT
· Talks with girl who permanently lives at the house. The girl tells her about the party and what her job in the house is.
· She discovers a control room and finds out that there are camera’s placed everywhere.
· The woman touches her breasts and asks her to do the same with her.
· The detective is on a stake out and sees all these extremely young girls going in and out
· In the control room Lilly sees how a young girl is raped.
· The girl is found dead. Lilly fears for her life and asks gynecologist for help.
· When gyn. is coming to get her, the couple accuses him in front of Lilly of being an accomplish. They admit it. These girls want it themselves. They take the money. These girls are nothing…trash…
COVERT CLUES
o When Lilly arrives, she must give her phone to them.
o She can’t be around when the parties are there
o The pictures and paintings of naked young girls are everywhere.
o She finds cameras in her room
o She can’t go out by herself.
o They ask her to be discrete. Can she do that?
Mystery 4. Detective is a victim of sexual abuse herself and has served time in prison after killing a predator when she took him into custody. She now is working as a security guard.
COVERT CLUES
o Doesn’t want to talk about Lizzies case with her wife.
o She has anxiety attacks when nobody is around.
o Why isn’t she joining the relation therapy sessions with her wife?
o She is fired from her job as a policewoman. Why? What happened?
o Forced by her wife to go to the mandatory therapy sessions needs to stay out of prison. What did she do?
o Her father is dying of cancer. Sister comes over to ask her to say goodbye. She refuses.
o When he dies, she doesn’t go to the funeral.
o In an emotional encounter with her family, she tells why she is not going and why they shouldn’t be going either. Forgiveness can only be given when asked by the predator.
OVERT CLUES:
· Her wife is worried about her mental health and talks to ex-boss chief of police.
· Her wife wants her to look into Lilly’s case, she is reluctant but takes on the case off the record and watches the billionaire couple and finds out gynecologist’s involvement.
· Asks her former boss for help. In cryptic discussion he warns her not to get too involved, afraid of what might happen.
· Wants to break into the apartment of gynecologist to safe Lilly. She has a gun but the mentor insists she gives the gun to her. No more shooting from her side. ‘You’re out on parole’.
-
OPENINGIntrigue: A teenager is sleeping. Slowly the bedroom door opens. Suspense: The girl opens her eyes. Scared. Closes them again, pretends she’s asleep. Is it a burglar?Mystery: Who is this man who sneaks into her bedroom?Intrigue: He sits next to her on the bed and strokes her hair.Mystery: Is it her father?Intrigue: Why is she looking at him full of anger? Mystery: What is it that she needs to keep quiet from her mother?
4. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact.
1.
A. What is the reveal? Her stepdad is the father.B. How did it get covered up? She is loyal to him. He is a loving stepdad. He even tells the mentor not to blame her for her hostility. She’s just a teenager with a mother who can’t handle her. She’s lost. C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?
When gynecologist asks her about the father, she cries hysterically.Gynecologist tells stepdad something and then stepdad no longer wants to take Lilly home.When it’s all over she doesn’t want to go home. She seems scared. D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. Where is mum? She is away to rest. He tries to rape her. Enters her room just as in scene 1. She manages to dial the mentor’s number. She runs and there is a fight. She tells him that he was the father.2. REVEAL: LILLY finds out she was not too late to have an abortion.
How did they cover up:
A. Gyn. Sends his assistant home and refuses to show Lily the ultrasound images.
B. Lily’s new friend informs her about the gynecologist but doesn’t show up at the meeting point. Gynecologist is there and tells her: you see? She’s not to be trusted.
C. He confesses that he brings girls to the couple but doesn’t know about the sexual abuse. She believes him.
D. He helps her get away from the couple.
E. Finds child’s pornography on his computer.
F. The criminals have an interest in her. She realizes the baby is for them.
3. A. What is the reveal?
The gynecologist is connected to pedophile network and needs the baby to pay off the 2 criminals he’s working with.
B. How did it get covered up?
He tells Lilly and stepdad that she is not allowed to have an abortion, she is too far gone.
He takes her to billionaire couple and helps her.
Even though we think stepdad is trustable, we appreciate it when he listens to Lily when she says she’s scared of stepdad. He sees to it that stepdad doesn’t come near Lily again.
When it turns out the billionaire couple are sexually abusing young girls and are abusing her, he promises to save her. Comes in with the 2 criminals posing as FBI agents.
When her friend turns up dead, he comes to her rescue with 2 criminals and promises to go to the police.
When the billionaire couple follow them the criminals and the gynecologist get shot at. They protect Lily.
C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?
What kind of business does the gynecologist have with the 2 criminals and why are they so interested in Lilly.
He lies about everything to her. Why?D. Lilly finds a diary with telephone numbers of teenage girls and calls a couple of them who all respond with: Hi Mr. Bocuse! That’s not his name.
E. She tries to enter his computer finally she uses the password: Bocuse and enters. Numerous pictures of the names of the teenage girls she has found in his diary. Also the friend who has disappeared. She wants to open a file named: operation baby. Access denied. He comes in. Confronts her.
E. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact.
When Lilly miscarriages, he goes crazy. He tells her he’s dead now, she’s dead now too. Without a baby she’s of no use for them.A. Reveal: the housekeepers are to be trusted. When Lilly’s friend is found dead, they inform the police.
B. How did it get covered up?
They rapport the fact that the girls have been in the control room.
They overhear Lilly’s friend’s plan to run away together and tell the couple.C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?
When the girl is removed from the island. Her fear and cry for help makes them doubt whether the billionaire couple is to be trusted
D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact.
They are threatening them to be send away by the billionaire couple once they ask them about the disappearance of the girl.
E. A Jane Doe is found dead in a different state; it’s Lilly’s new friend. The housekeepers report it to the police without telling the couple.
F. They help Lilly escape.
4.
A. Reveal:
Lilly’s friend is to be trusted after all when she’s found dead in another state.
B. How did it get covered up?
She shows up at the meeting point to escape but brings the couple and the housekeepers.
5. A. Reveal: Detective is a victim of sexual abuse herself and is send home after killing a predator when she took him into custody.
B. How does it get covered up?
Doesn’t want to talk about Lizzies case with her wife.
Avoiding the mandatory therapy sessions and has to choose: get her job back or writing parking tickets
C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?
She has anxiety attacks when nobody is around.
Why isn’t she joining the relation therapy sessions with her wife?
She is fired from her job temporarily. Why? What happened?
Her father is dying of cancer. Sister comes over to ask her to say goodbye. She refuses.
When he dies, she doesn’t go to the funeral.
D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact.
In an emotional encounter with her family, she tells why she is not going and why they shouldn’t be going either. Forgiveness can only be given when asked by the predator.
-
Hero: Lily – mentor – detective<div>
Basic state Lily: trustable
Appears not trustable:
Fighting with her stepdad and mother
Runs away from home because she’s pregnant.
According to stepdad promiscuous and bad news.
Switches:
When we find out stepdad has raped her and impregnated her.Basic state mentor: trustable
Appears not trustable: ?
Basic state detective: trustable
Appears not trustable: ?Villain: Gynecologist
Basic state: not trustable
Appears trustable:
He takes her to billionaire couple and helps her.
Even though we think stepdad is trustable, we appreciate it when he listens to Lily when she says she’s scared of stepdad. He sees to it that stepdad doesn’t come near Lily again.
When it turns out the billionaire couple are sexually abusing young girls, he promises to safe her.Red Herring Character: Housekeepers</div><div>
Basic state: trustable
Appears not trustable:
They rapport the fact that the girls have been in the control room.
They overhear Lilly’s friend’s plan to run away together and tell the couple.
Switch:
1. When the girl is removed from the island. Her fear and cry for help makes them doubt the couple’s trustability.
2. When the girl is found dead, they inform the police and help Lilly escape.</div><div>Stepdad
Basic state: not trustable
He seems very concerned with Lily’s well-being.
Is very kind with sick spouse.
Is kind to Lily even though she hates his guts.
Switch:
When it’s all over and Lilly moves back home, he tries to rape her.
We find out he is the father of the baby. </div><div>Lilly and Friend at the billionaire couple’s house
Basic state: trustable
She shows up with the billionaire’s couple at the meeting point. Bertrays Lilly.</div><div><b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Appears not to be trustable:
<font face=”inherit”>She doesn</font>’<font face=”inherit”>t show up at the meeting point to escape the island.</font>
Switch: She is found dead in another state.
Lilly / Gynecologist
TRUST: She assumes that gynecologist knows best when he says she is to long overdue to perform an abortion on her.</div><div>
DISTRUST: The friend at couples house tells her gyn. Is in on the girl trafficking.
TRUST: The girl doesn’t show up at the meeting point. Gynecologist is there and tells her`: you see? She’s not to be trusted.
DISTRUST: finds out she was not to far gone into her pregnancy to have an abortion.
DISTRUST: She finds out he’s in on the girls’ trafficking for the couple.
TRUST: He confesses that he brings girls to the couple but doesn’t know about the sexual abuse. She believes him.
TRUST: He helps her get away from the couple.
DISTRUST: Finds child’s pornography on his computer.
DISTRUST: The criminals have an interest in her. She realizes the baby is for them.
Lilly / Stepdad
DISTRUST: She doesn’t trust him because he sexually abuses her</div><div>
TRUST: He promises her to help her escape from the gynecologist’s house and tells her she must come home. Nothing will happen to her.
DISTRUST: When he tells her that her mother is in the hospital, she hangs up on him. She doesn’t believe him.
TRUST: She talks with her mentor on the phone, not exposing stepdad.
DISTRUST: When she comes home when it’s all over and he wants to ‘tuck her in’. When he rapes her, she kills him with the candle holder.
Detective & mentor / stepdad
DISTRUST: Why isn’t he report her missing? </div><div>
DISTRUST: Why isn’t he going after the billionaire couple.
TRUST: He asks for her help to make Lilly’s escape possible.
DISTRUST: She knows that Lilly doesn’t want his help. What is happening to her at home?TRUST: Lilly doesn’t break when she is busting her chops about her stepdad.
DISTRUST: Hearing Lilly on the phone telling stepdad off about the abuse.
DETECTIVE – GYNECOLOGIST
DISTRUST: Why is he frequenting the house of the billionaire’s couple and why is he also attending their parties at their private island? </div>
DISTRUST: Why is he so keen on saving Lilly? What is she to him?
TRUST: He has saved Lilly from the billionaire’s couple.
DISTRUST: The people that posed as detectives are criminals.
TRUST: He runs with Lilly from the criminals.
DISTRUST: Lilly disappears. He was the last person to see her.
DISTRUST: She breaks into his home when taken off the case and finds Lilly in the basement. The criminals after her and ask him why she isn’t dead yet. Shoot out with criminals and gynecologist.
-
OPENING
Direction: a teenage girl is sleeping.
Twist: A man comes in and rapes her.
A girl is raped.
LIVE THREATENING 1 – Will this man kill the girl?
Direction: He puts his hands around her neck as if he wants to strangle her.
Twist: He talks to her in a threatening but fatherly way and closes the door behind him.
MYSTERY 1 Who is this man? Is he an intruder?
MYSTERY 2 He leaves without saying a word.
MYSTERY 3 The girl doesn’t scream or talk.
LIVE THREATENING 2 – Will stepdad do what he has told her he will do when she talks? Kill her?
MYSTERY 1 Will she talk to her mother?
Direction: Having breakfast with mother. Tells her mom she is called in for a talk with her mentor.
Twist: Stepdad walks in, we recognize the rapist.
MYSTERY 2 Will she tell her schoolteacher?
MYSTERY 3 Will she tell her friend,
Breakfast. We meet Lilly’s mother. Theatrical person. Totally absorbed by new husband. Is Lilly going to tell her what’s happening? Mom has to come to school too Stepdad looks at her threateningly.
1. School. Talk with a mentor about her paper. . It’s about a troubling paper she wrote about a girl who commits suicide. It’s well written. Lilly claims it’s not auto-biographic.
Direction: Lily goes in for a talk with her mentor.
Twist: Stepdad is sitting there. They talk about the topic she picked. The suicide of a young girl. She hung herself.
2. Stepdad Florida’s governor
3. Lily flees the house by climbing out of the window. She’s followed by stepdad. Stepdad catches her and she tells him she’s pregnant. He takes her to the gynecologist’s office. How does she know the child is his. There is no other way, Lily tells him. He was the only one.
Direction: Lilly is climbing on a chair. A rope in her hand. new think she will commit suicide.
Twist: she attaches the rope to the window and climbs out along the rope and runs.
Direction: Stepdad wants to sneak out of bed.
Twist: mother wakes up.
Direction: Stepdad follows her, and catches her.
Twist: She’s pregnant and her stepdad takes her to the gynecologist.
LIFE-THREATENING 3
Stepdad follows her. Catches her. What is he going to do? Is he going to make her disappear, like he said he would?
INCITING INCIDENT
Introduced to gynecologist. Gynecologist knows stepdad. Old boys’ network. Talks with both Lilly and stepdad in private about the abortion. Who’s the father? Stepdad lies about promiscuity Lilly.
Direction: Abortion procedure.
Twist: She can’t have an abortion.
Direction: Who is the father?
Twist: stepdad
MYSTERIE 1
Who is the gynecologist? Is he to be trusted?MYSTERIE 2
Is the gynecologist telling the truth about Lilly’s pregnancy?
MYSTERY 3
Will Lilly tell the GYN. Her stepdad is the father?
MYSTERY 4
Who are the 2 wise guys talking to the gynecologist?Life-threatening 4
Wise guys threaten gynecologists. He’s got to make a move on.
MYSTERY 1
Why does the Gynecologist say everything is going to be alright? ‘ Let’s say: I got lucky today?.’
Life-threatening 5
Stepdad threatens her again.
MYSTERY 1
What has the gynecologist said to make stepdad back off?
Direction: gynecologist is a friend of stepdad and tells Lilly he will help him to make this disappear.
Twist: He threatens his stepdad to tell on him.
4. Scene with stepdad and Lilly. Here’s what we’re going to do…Abortion. Make your life into a living hell if this comes out. Your mother will not survive this.
5. Gynecologist examines Lily. She’s too far gone. Abortion is not possible. Tells stepdad, he’ll see to it that she’s in good hands. He calls the billionaire couple. Good news. They are going to be parents at last. They send a car.
PLOT POINT 1 Gynecologist takes Lilly to billionaire couple. He delivers young girls. Stray cats he calls them. He also works at the shelter for runaway trains.
· Billionaire couple nice. There are more girls there. Lilly wants to call home. They won’t let her. Number one rule: no phones in the house. Introduction RED HERRING HOUSEKEEPERS?
Direction: leaving the gynecologist’s office to move Lilly to the couple.
Twist: Stopped by 2 mean-looking wise guys.
Direction: Gyn. Brings Lilly to safety.
Twist: It seems a prison. It’s a small island. Needs a boat to get off the ‘island’. She is not allowed to use her phone. They are acting weird.
6. Gyn. tells the couple the baby is for them. He has a deal with them brings in fresh blood. Stray cats as he calls them.
MYSTERIE 1
What is happening in this house behind closed doors and what has the gynecologist has got to do with it?
MYSTERY 2
Who is the young girl who’s always on their side?
MYSTERY 3 Gyn. Cryptic language to wise guys. I’ve got something special for you. As requested. Then we’re even.
Mystery 4 Will the schoolteacher and her detective wife find out where Lilly is?
Direction: Teacher and her detective wife want to find out where Lily’s at.
Twist: phone call boss detective. They need to back off.
Direction: Detective is going to back off.
Twist: Mentor takes over.
Life threatening 6
The housekeepers catch Lily and her new friend red handed in the control room.
Direction: finding out how bad these people really are.
Twist: They are caught red-handed by housekeepers.
7. There is a party going on, but Lily is not invited in. Housekeepers take over. At the party lots of young girls and old important men.
8. Schoolteacher visits mother and stepdad. Expresses her worries.
9. The mysterious girl befriends Lilly in secret. Tells Lilly about the control room. They are caught red-handed by housekeepers.
Direction: Lilly and the girl want to escape together. They set a time and place.
Twist: The girl is waiting for her with the couple and housekeepers.
Direction: Lilly wants to confront the girl.
Twist: the girl has left the house.
10. PINCH 1
MYSTERY 1 Why are the criminals interested in Lilly and her pregnancy?
MYSTERY 2 WHAT’S IN THE CONTROL ROOM.
MYSTERY 3 Where have they taken the girl?
MYSTERY 4 Is the gynecologist just as bad as the couple?
Lilly investigates and finds sex videos on computer. Taped also girls in the bathroom. Surveillance / watched – cameras in the house. Control room
11. She asks gynecologist for help. She wants out.
12. Talking about the danger – friendship with another victim. She tells Lilly that the couple is bad news and that she must flee the island. She doesn’t know much about the gynecologist. He has been at parties, but she never saw him leave with a girl. But she’s not sure.
13. Mother presses stepdad. She wants to know where Lily is. Stepdad tells her he doesn’t know either. It’s best for her to leave Lily in peace for now. She doesn’t want to see them. She’s in good hands.
14. Life threatening 7
15. Lilly is taken away by armed men after being interrogated by the couple. The housekeepers tell her off. The couple has been so generous she must be grateful. That awful girl has been coming here for years and has gotten a professional training and she is so ungrateful. They bring Lilly to the billionaire couple. They interrogate Lilly. How much does she know? Suddenly, they are not the soft-spoken nice people anymore.
Direction: Lily wants to talk to the girl who has left the house.
Twist: Lilly finds out the girl is dead. Sees it on the news: body of missing girl found. (Different State)
LIFE THREATENING 8 Is Lilly going to be the next victim?
16. Lilly wants to find her friend and finds out she is dead. Sees it on the news: the body of the missing girl found. (Different State)
17. Lilly tells the gyn. the billionaire she has found out that the couple are abusing young girls. She wants out. He promises her to come and get her. Follow his lead and everything will be alright. Lily tells the gynecologist that she wants to escape; he says he will help her. He promises her to smuggle her from the island.
18. Gynecologist tells criminals: She wants out. A cryptic conversation between criminals and gynecologist. It’s clear he’s afraid of them and that they are after the baby. They tell him to follow their plan.
19. Stepdad comes over to ask about Lilly. The criminals threaten him. Gynecologist tells stepdad to leave her alone and not to report her missing. He blackmails him: don’t report her missing otherwise I’ll go to the police tell them you sexually abused your stepdaughter.
20. Gynecologist comes over and tells the couple that he wants to take Lilly with him. They fight over the baby. He acts like he’s protecting Lilly.
21. MP The detective comes to her rescue
Mystery 1 Are the criminals really police officers?
Mystery Pedophile criminals pose as police officers and tell them they are there on behalf of Lilly’s family. They are taking Lily with them. They tell Lilly they are police. Lilly still thinks she’s safe with gynecologist. Detective watches them leave and follows them.Direction: gyn. Is coming to safe her.
Twist: the criminals in police uniforms enter. They have a court order to take Lily with them.
Lilly gets her stuff. Her phone is in there. Quickly hides it. 86 missed calls from mentor.
22. PINCH II Scene with detective, boss and billionaire, who has supported the police force with communication system. We don’t want them to be crossed. Maybe she should take a break. But when the billionaire is gone, he says he can’t do anything about her investigating while on a break. I think a lot of people will help you get this MF behind bars.
Direction: Boss has orders to take detective from the case
Twist: He gives her carte blanche to arrest them.
23. She stays at gyn. house, finds out about the pedophile network and his trade with girl trafficking. Overhears conversation about her being useless after the baby is born. She tries to flee with dinky and almost drowns.
Direction: Finding out who the criminals are.
Twist: finds out about the pedophile network and his trade with girl trafficking
24. Detective follows them but when they spot her a shoot-out follows.
25. Boating accident. Lilly wakes up in cellar of gynecologist. Female detective wakes up in hospital.
26. Detective confronts stepdad and mother. Must report their child missing. Stepdad influential can have her fired. She talks with the mother and tells her off. What kind of mother is she?
27. Detective doesn’t know what to do anymore when mother shows up and reports her daughter missing.
Direction: Detective is at the end of her rope
Twist: Mother comes to the station Afterall to report her girl missing.
28. PLOTPOINT 2 Lilly escapes. Chased by gynecologist and criminals. She manages to stop a police car. They recognize her from Amber alert. Take her to the station but are shot at by masked men. They capture Lilly.
29. MYSTERY 15
Will the detective find Lilly?30. LIFE THREATENING The criminals will kill her now that they know she had a miscarriage.
Direction: Detective talks to mother and stepdad. Stepdad doesn’t have information.
Twist: Mother starts looking in her calendar: she remembers her husband was talking about this gynecologist. Gives detective the address.
31. Detective is at house gynecologist. She’s off the case. She breaks in. Searches the house and finds videos on computer involving babies. She vomits.
32. Criminals and gynecologist come in. She hides. Realizes this is a disturbed pedophile network. Gynecologist blackmailed them, but they turned it around and demand the baby. They are powerful people and capable to have him disappear. They will kill the girl when it’s all over.
CLIMAX Gynecologist wants to examine Lilly. She struggles. They find out she had a miscarriage.
Direction: They will take Lilly to Mexico to have the baby.
Twist: Lilly had a miscarriage.
33. Detective wants to arrest them. Shots are fired. Lilly knows there is a gun ( she snooped around before and found a gun ) Detective down but still pointing her gun at criminal. When he wants to shoot the detective, Lilly manages to get the gun and shoot criminal. Detective gets the other one. Gynecologist tries to help the criminal, but Detective cuffs him.
RESOLUTION
34. Lilly in hospital, billionaire couple taken to prison. Criminals dead. Mother in hospital with girl and detective. The girl doesn’t want to go back home. She must.
Direction: All’s well ends well.
Twist: At home stepdad wants to continue the sexual abuse. Lilly fights him this time. She manages to redial the detective’s number unseen.
35. At home Mother is hospitalized. She’s all alone with him. School teacher is detectives’ spouse. Lilly calls her. She sounds scared but doesn’t tell what’s going on. Detective suspicious.
36. At home stepdad wants to continue the sexual abuse. Lilly fights him this time. She manages to redial the detective’s number unseen.
37. The detective overhears what Lilly says to him. She tells him she’s going to blow the whistle on him. He tries to strangle her.
38. Detective drives through town like a mad woman. Arrives at the house. Tries to get in.
39. Lilly manages to grab a heavy candle holder. She hits him on the head several times.
40. The detective comes in. He’s down already and Lilly hits him several times with the candleholder. The detective stops Lilly. Don’t kill him. When he tries to grab the candle holder the detective shoots him.
41. THE END
Police cars ambulances schoolteacher and the detective are taking care of Lilly.
-
<div>What I’ve learned doing this assignment is to keep focus in every sequence to where your endpoint is. Just design steps to get to the next plot point. </div>
OPENING
A girl is raped.
LIVE THREATENING 1 – Will this man kill the girl?
MYSTERY 1 Who is this man? Is he an intruder?
MYSTERY 2 He leaves without saying a word.
MYSTERY 3 The girl doesn’t scream or talk.
LIVE THREATENING 2 – Will stepdad do what he has told her he’s do when she talks? Kill her?
MYSTERY 1 Will she talk to her mother?
MYSTERY 2 Will she tell her schoolteacher?
MYSTERY 3 Will she tell her friend,
Breakfast. We meet Lilly’s mother. Theatrical person. Totally absorbed by new husband. Is Lilly gonna talk? Stepdad looks at her threatening.
1. School. Talk with mentor about performance Lilly at school. She’s 17. Does she want to quit?
2. Stepdad mayor of Miami. VIP.
3. Lily flees the house by climbing out of the window. She’s followed by stepdad. Stepdad catches her and she tells him she’s pregnant. He takes her to gynecologist office. How does she know the child is his. There is no other way, Lily tells him. He was the only one.
LIFE THREATENING 3
Stepdad follows her. Catches her. What is he going to do? Is he going to make her disappear, like he said he would?
INCITING INCIDENT
Introduced to gynecologist. Gynecologist knows stepdad. Old boys’ network. Talks with both Lilly and stepdad in private about the abortion. Who’s the father? Stepdad lies about promiscuity Lilly.
MYSTERIE 1
Who is the gynecologist. Is he to be trusted?MYSTERIE 2
Is the gynecologist telling the truth about Lilly’s pregnancy?
MYSTERY 3
Will Lilly tell the gyn. Her stepdad is the father?
MYSTERY 4
Who are the 2 wise guys talking to gynecologist?Life threatening 4
Wise guys threaten gynecologist. He’s got to make a move on.
MYSTERY 1
Why does the Gynecologist says everything is going to be alright. ‘ Let’s say: I got lucky today?.’
Life threatening 5
Stepdad threatens her again.
MYSTERY 1
What has the gynecologist said to make stepdad back off?
4. Scene with stepdad and Lilly. Here’s what we’re going to do…Abortion. Make your life into a living hell if this comes out. Your mother will not survive this.
5. Gynecologist examines Lily. She’s too far gone. Abortion is not possible. Tells stepdad, he’ll see to it that she’s in good hands. He calls the billionaire couple. Good news. They are going to be parents at last. They send a car.
PLOTPOINT 1 Gynecologist takes Lilly to billionaire couple. He delivers young girls. Stray cats he calls them. He also works at the shelter for runaway trains.
· Billionaire couple nice. There are more girls there. Lilly wants to call home. They won’t let her. Number one rule: no phones in the house. Introduction RED HERRING HOUSEKEEPERS?
6. Gyn. tells the couple the baby is for them. He has a deal with them brings in fresh blood. Stray cats as he calls them. A stake out by female detective. She’s with a reluctant partner. They see the gyn. Coming out opf the house. He’s on the phone.
MYSTERIE 1
What is happening in this house behind closed doors and what has the gynecologist has got to do with it?
MYSTERY 2
Who is the young girl who’s always on their side?
MYSTERY 3 Gyn. Cryptic language to wise guys. I’ve got something special for you. As requested. Then we’re even.
Mystery 4 Will the schoolteacher and her detective wife find out where Lilly is?
Life threatening 6
The housekeepers catch them red handed in the control room.
7. There is a party going on, but Lily is not invited in. Housekeepers take over. At the party lots of young girls and old important men.
8. Schoolteacher visits mother and stepdad. Expresses her worries.
9. The mysterious girl befriends Lilly in secret. Tells Lilly about the control room. They are caught red handed by housekeepers.
10. PINCH 1
MYSTERY 1 Why are the criminals interested in Lilly and her pregnancy?
MYSTERY 2 WHAT’S IN THE CONTROL ROOM.
MYSTERY 3 Where have they taken the girl?
MYSTERY 4 Is the gynecologist just as bad as the couple?
Lilly investigates and finds sex videos on computer. Taped also girls in the bathroom. Surveillance / watched – cameras in the house. Control room
11. She asks gynecologist for help. She wants out.
12. Talking about the danger – friendship with another victim. She tells Lilly that the couple is bad news and that she must flee the island. She doesn’t know much about the gynecologist. He has been at parties, but she never saw him leave with a girl. But she’s not sure.
13. Mother presses stepdad. She wants to know where Lily is. Stepdad tells her he doesn’t know either. It’s best for her to leave Lily in peace for now. She doesn’t want to see them. She’s in good hands.
14. Life threatening 7
15. Lilly is taken away by armed men after being interrogated by the couple. The housekeepers tell her off. The couple has been so generous she must be grateful. That awful girl has been coming here for years and has gotten a professional training and she is so ungrateful. They bring Lilly to the billionaire couple. They interrogate Lilly. How much does she know? Suddenly, they are not the soft-spoken nice people anymore.
LIFE THREATENING 8 Is Lilly going to be the next victim?
16. Lilly wants to find her friend and finds out she is dead. Sees it on the news: body of missing girl found. (Different State)
17. Lilly tells the gyn. the billionaire she has found out that the couple are abusing young girls. She wants out. He promises her to come and get her. Follow his lead and everything will be alright. Lily tells the gynecologist that she wants to escape; he says he will help her. He promises her to smuggle her from the island.
18. Gynecologist tells criminals: She wants out. A cryptic conversation between criminals and gynecologist. It’s clear he’s afraid of them and that they are after the baby. They tell him to follow their plan.
19. Stepdad comes over to ask about Lilly. The criminals threaten him. Gynecologist tells stepdad to leave her alone and not to report her missing. He blackmails him: don’t report her missing otherwise I’ll go to the police tell them you sexually abused your stepdaughter.
20. Gynecologist comes over and tells the couple that he wants to take Lilly with him. They fight over the baby. He acts like he’s protecting Lilly.
21. MP The detective comes to her rescue
Mystery 1 Are the criminals really police officers?
Mystery Pedophile criminals pose as police officers and tell them they are there on behalf of Lilly’s family. They are taking Lily with them. They tell Lilly they are police. Lilly still thinks she’s safe with gynecologist. Detective watches them leave and follows them.22. PINCH II Scene with detective, boss and billionaire, who has supported the police force with communication system. We don’t want them to be crossed. Maybe she should take a break. But when the billionaire is gone, he says he can’t do anything about her investigating while on a break. I think a lot of people will help you get this MF behind bars.
23. She stays at gyn. house, finds out about the pedophile network and his trade with girl trafficking. Overhears conversation about her being useless after the baby is born. She tries to flee with dinky and almost drowns.
24. Detective follows them but when they spot her a shoot-out follows.
25. Boating accident. Lilly wakes up in cellar of gynecologist. Female detective wakes up in hospital.
26. Detective confronts stepdad and mother. Must report their child missing. Stepdad influential can have her fired. She talks with the mother and tells her off. What kind of mother is she?
27. Detective doesn’t know what to do anymore when mother shows up and reports her daughter missing.
28. PLOTPOINT 2 Lilly escapes. Chased by gynecologist and criminals. She manages to stop a police car. They recognize her from Amber alert. Take her to the station but are shot at by masked men. They capture Lilly.
29. MYSTERY 15
Will the detective find Lilly in the cellar?30. LIFE THREATENING The criminals will kill her now that they know she had a miscarriage.
31. Detective is at house gynecologist. She’s off the case. She breaks in. Searches the house and finds videos on computer involving babies. She vomits.
32. Criminals and gynecologist come in. She hides. Realizes this is a disturbed pedophile network. Gynecologist blackmailed them, but they turned it around and demand the baby. They are powerful people and capable to have him disappear. They will kill the girl when it’s all over.
CLIMAX Gynecologist wants to examine Lilly. She struggles. They find out she had a miscarriage.
33. Detective wants to arrest them. Shots are fired. Lilly knows there is a gun ( she snooped around before and found a gun ) Detective down but still pointing her gun at criminal. When he wants to shoot the detective, Lilly manages to get the gun and shoot criminal. Detective gets the other one. Gynecologist tries to help the criminal, but Detective cuffs him.
RESOLUTION
34. Lilly in hospital, billionaire couple taken to prison. Criminals dead. Mother in hospital with girl and detective. The girl doesn’t want to go back home. She must.
35. At home Mother is hospitalized. She’s all alone with him. School teacher is detectives’ spouse. Lilly calls her. She sounds scared but doesn’t tell what’s going on. Detective suspicious.
36. At home stepdad wants to continue the sexual abuse. Lilly fights him this time. She manages to redial the detective’s number unseen.
37. The detective overhears what Lilly says to him. She tells him she’s going to blow the whistle on him. He tries to strangle her.
38. Detective drives through town like a mad woman. Arrives at the house. Tries to get in.
39. Lilly manages to grab a heavy candle holder. She hits him on the head several times.
40. The detective comes in. He’s down already and Lilly hits him several times with the candleholder. The detective stops Lilly. Don’t kill him. When he tries to grab the candle holder the detective shoots him.
41. THE END
Police cars ambulances schoolteacher and detective are taking care of Lilly.
-
Stepfather threatens to kill her if she talks. <div>
Lily flees the house by climbing out of the window. She’s followed by stepdad.
Stepdad catches her and takes her to gynecologist office.Gynecologist talks with both Lilly and stepdad in private about the abortion. Who’s the father?
Lilly asks the gynecologist for help.Gynecologist tells stepdad to leave her alone and not to report her missing.
Female detective is visiting her stepdad and wonders why `Lilly is not living with them anymore and they don’t want to reveal her whereabouts.
.Gynecologist takes Lilly to billionaire couple. She is kept there against her will.
One of the girls befriends Lilly in secret. Tells Lilly about the control room.Lilly asks gynecologist for help.
She finds out gynecologist hasn’t performed the abortion on her and flees the island. Chased by criminals who are after gynecologist and the baby.
Threats – stepdad </div>
Talking about the danger – friendship with other victimPhysical danger – flees the island, tries to escape the cellar falls down the stairs.
Surveillance / watched – camera’s in the house. Control roomChased – stepdad – gynecologist – criminals
Lured into a dangerous situation – taken to the billionaire’s couple
Closeness to the villain – thinks he’s on her side. Until she discovers she’s still pregnant.
Trapped / Abducted / Arrested – thinks she flees the island but is abducted by gynecologist. Is trapped in his basement.
People around them die or are injured. – the girl she befriended never returns to the big house. She goes on a search and finds out she must be murdered.
Control room. Tapes.
-
0Create your mystery sequence. Give us the answer to these questions.
What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?
The gynecologist wants the baby for himself to give it to a disturbed pedophile network. He blackmailed them, but they turned it around and demanded a baby. They are influential people and capable of making him disappear. They will kill the girl when it’s all over.
How many ways can they cover that secret? Those become the mysteries.
· What is the billionaire couple doing with all these young girls? And why is she treated differently than the other girls?
· Why is she still pregnant?
· Why is the gynecologist helping her escape?
· Who are the people that are after the gynecologist?
· Why isn’t her stepfather looking for her?
· RED HERRING HOUSEKEEPERS?
The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it.Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one. Include ONE Red Herring mystery if you can.Create a Mystery Chain for each main mystery.Answer the question “What I learned is…?” and put it at the top of your assignment.Create the end goal of the Villain. What are they trying to accomplish or stop that is so valuable that they’ll go to any means to achieve the goal?
· Gynecologist wants the baby for himself to give it to disturbed pedophile network. He blackmailed them, but they turned it around and demand a baby. They are powerful people and capable to have him disappear. They will kill the girl when it’s all over.
Look for how the Villain might execute the plan. What would need to take place to make that plan happen in a covert way? Brainstorm devious, dangerous, covert, and even disturbing ways your Villain could make all of this could happen.
· He doesn’t perform an abortion on the girl.
· He lies to the billionaire couple about his motives.
· He blackmails the girl’s stepfather: don’t report her missing otherwise I’ll go to the police tell them you sexually abused your stepdaughter.
· He abducts the girl when she runs away. He chases her. She falls so hard; she loses the child.
· Now he wants to kill her.
How can the villain’s plan and their actions be covered up?
· He lies about the abortion; she will find out she’s pregnant when it’s too late.
· He lies to the billionaire couple about his motives
· He tells the girl the billionaire couple are villains and that they have forced him not to perform the abortion. She must trust him. The couple are villains because they are abusing young girls. But they do want to have the baby.
-
Wilke Durand – THE VILLAIN’S PLAN
Create the end goal of the Villain. What are they trying to accomplish or stop that is so valuable that they’ll go to any means to achieve the goal?
· Gynecologist wants the baby for himself to give it to a disturbing pedophile network. He blackmailed them, but they turned it around and demand a baby. They are influential people and capable to have him disappear. They will kill the girl when it’s all over.
Look for how the Villain might execute the plan. What would need to take place to make that plan happen in a covert way? Brainstorm devious, dangerous, secretive, and even disturbing ways your Villain could make all of this could happen.<div>
· He doesn’t perform an abortion on the girl.
· He lies to the billionaire couple about his motives.
· He blackmails the girl’s stepfather: don’t report her missing otherwise I’ll go to the police and tell them you sexually abused your stepdaughter.
· He abducts the girl when she runs away. He chases her. She falls so hard; she loses the child.
· Now he wants to kill her.
How can the villain’s plan and actions be covered up?
· He lies about the abortion; she will find out she’s pregnant when it’s too late.
· He lies to the billionaire couple about his motives
· He tells the girl the billionaire couple is villains and that they have forced him not to perform the abortion. She must trust him. The couple is villain because they are abusing young girls. But they do want to have the baby.
Sequence them to make it as intriguing as possible — starting with the first event that is dangerous.</div><div>
· Stepfather threatens to kill her if she doesn’t do as she’s told. She tells him she’s pregnant.
· They see the gynecologist. He’s extremely nice to her. Finds out stepdad is the father. Sends him home. Don’t come looking for her. She’s in good hands now. Otherwise, I’ll go to the police. We don’t know if this is part of his covert plan. We think he wants to help the girl.
· Abortion scene. She’s under but there doesn’t seem to be happening much. Phone call with billionaire couple. They send a car.
· Boat ride to the island. The girl throws up. Is normal after an abortion your body still thinks it’s pregnant.
· Billionaire couple nice. There are more girls there. She wants to call home. They won’t let her.
· Villain acts like he’s protecting her. She wants to escape; he says he will help her, but he tells the billionaire couple.
· The girl finds out she’s still pregnant. He examines her and tells her he doesn’t understand but she doesn’t have to worry, the couple would want to have the baby. She doesn’t want the billionaire couple to have her baby.
· He smuggles her from the island. She stays at his house and finds out about the pedophile network and his trade with girl trafficking.
· She flees. Goes to her mother, but her stepfather is in on it. Stepdad is the father of the child. Is blackmailed by the gynecologist. She is chased by them. Stepdad kills the gynecologist.
· Stepdad goes after the girl, who reaches the police station but the girl is still reported missing and he is allowed to take her home.
· He drives her into the woods and tries to kill her. She loses the baby but manages to kill him with help of the female detective.
· Billionaire couple is arrested.
· Bittersweet ending. Mother in hospital with girl and detective. The girl won’t go back home.
</div>
-
Assignment 1
Wat heb ik geleerd van de Thriller Chart Basic Instinct.
Foreshadowing: when the girl mates it’s for life
– You can’t have 1 villain – the villain must change so need a red herring
– Interesting to intertwine the villain with the red herring
– Helpers can cause suspense too
– Good to use mystery in terms of raising questions of how a character thinks about certain issues. Not too obvious good or bad guy/girl.
– Cop can be interesting to use
– All characters must have a strong objective and an underlying motive, plan. These plans should contradict the other character(s) motives, plans.
–
– ASSIGNMENT 2
–
– Use transitions from one scene to other location/characters by mirroring.
–
– Example Hannibal say: Maybe Buffalo Bill is looking for his new ‘ very special lady’. CUT TO: very special lady next victim. Introduction BB.
–
–
–
– Writer uses suspense 2 x FBI exercise: presents it as reality but it is an exercise FBI.
–
– Later in the last suspense sequence, the shoot out, he uses the cutting between two locations. We think it is the killers location. He milks it big time and it’s suspense until the end. Simple device, a lot of mileage.
–
– He cleverly intertwines the coping of Clarice’s childhood trauma’s with the investigation.
–
– Chilton intervenes with her investigation. He is both her nbemisis and Hannibal’s. Introduction of another villain besides BB and Hannibal.
–
– Writer uses the investigation to reveal character.
-
· ASSIGNMENT
· 1. Remind us of your CONCEPT and the Big M.I.S. of your story.
Logline: A traumatized teenage runaway becomes the surrogate mother for a billionaire couple, but when she finds out this highly respected couple is connected to a child trafficker, who runs a pedophile network, she must run for her life and that of her unborn child.
· Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story?
· Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded part that will live under the surface for most of the movie?
– Why is the gynecologist so interested in the girl? And what is he doing at their mansion so often?·
– A pedophile network of rich and powerful men who ‘share’ extremely young girls, who threaten to kill them if they open their mouths.
· Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script?
· Will they kill her after she has given birth to the baby now that she knows too much?
· 2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story.
· The world of ultra-rich and powerful sexual deviants.
· 1. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions:
· HERO
· A. What is the mystery of this character?
· At first she doesn’t know she’s pregnant, because she thinks the gynecologist has performed an abortion on her. What are the real intentions of the people who have taken her in and why is the gynecologist so interested in her? When she loses the baby she must keep it a secret, because she no longer is of any use to the villains.
· B. What is the suspense of this character?
· She’s determined to flee the island which puts her and the baby’s life in danger.
· C.
· What is the intrigue of this character? Once she finds out she is pregnant she won’t tell who the father is: her stepfather.
· VILLAIN
· A. What is the mystery of this character? He and his wife trade the baby with the gynecologist for new supplies of young girls.
· B. What is the suspense of this character? The girl who wants to blow the whistle on them.
· · C. What is the intrigue of this character?
· They lure young girls with money and perspective for the future. They blind them with their wealth and powerful friends. They know the gynecologist has bad intentions with the baby, but go along because he sends them girls. Their real plan is to get rid of the gynecologist and keep the baby.
· Red Herring – an undercover female detective / the stepfather
· A. What is the mystery of this character? The stepfather seems to be the girl’s biggest threat but ultimately, he is the one who gets killed instead of the girl.
·
· B. What is the suspense of this character?
· Will the stepfather find out where she is and will he find out she’s pregnant with his child?
· C. What is the intrigue of this character?
· He is the mayor and a very respectable man. He is taking extremely good care of his mentally ill wife and has been taking care of his stepdaughter like she was his own. But he is sexually molesting her, and nobody will ever suspect him of this crime.
-
Assigment 2
Use transitions from one scene to other location/characters by mirroring.
Example Hannibal say: Maybe Buffalo Bill is looking for his new ‘ very special lady’. CUT TO: very special lady next victim. Introduction BB.
Writer uses suspense 2 x FBI exercise: presents it as reality but it is an exercise FBI.
Later in the last suspense sequence, the shoot out, he uses the cutting between two locations. We think it is the killers location. He milks it big time and it’s suspense until the end. Simple device, a lot of mileage.
He cleverly intertwines the coping of Clarice’s childhood trauma’s with the investigation.
Chilton intervenes with her investigation. He is both her nbemisis and Hannibal’s. Introduction of another villain besides BB and Hannibal.
Writer uses the investigation to reveal character.
-
1. Keep your cards to your chest and use the information for mystery and intrigue.
2. A good red herring is worth a lot.
3. Character intrigue for the villain is important also use it for the hero.
4 Suspense doesn’t necessarily have to come from the main story. For example, the elevator opens on the wrong floor several times.
-
ASSIGNMENT
1. Remind us of your CONCEPT and the Big M.I.S. of your story.
Logline: A traumatized teenage runaway becomes the surrogate mother for a billionaire’s couple, but when she finds out this highly respected couple is connected to a child trafficker, who runs a pedophile network, she must run for her life and that of her unborn child.
Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story?
<div>
Why is the gynecologist so interested in the girl? And what is he doing at their mansion so often?
<div>
Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded part that will live under the surface for most of the movie?
A pedophile network of rich and powerful men who ‘share’ extremely young girls, who threaten to kill them if they open their mouths.
Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script?
Will they kill her after she has given birth to the baby now that she knows too much?
2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story.
The world of ultra-rich and powerful sexual deviants.
1. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions:
HERO
A. What is the mystery of this character? </div><div>
She doesn’t know she’s pregnant. What are the real intentions of the people who have taken her in and why is the gynecologist so interested in her? When she loses the baby she must keep it a secret, because she no longer is of any use to the villains.
B. What is the suspense of this character?
She’s determined to flee the island which puts her and the baby’s life in danger.
C.
What is the intrigue of this character? Once she finds out she is pregnant she won’t tell who the father is: her stepfather.
VILLAIN
A. What is the mystery of this character? He and his wife trade the baby with the gynecologist for new supplies of young girls.</div><div>
B. What is the suspense of this character? The girl who wants to blow the whistle on them.
· C. What is the intrigue of this character?
They lure the young girls with money and perspective for the future. They blind them with their wealth and powerful friends. They know the gynecologist has bad intentions with the baby, but go along because he sends them girls. Their real plan is to get rid of the gynecologist and keep the baby.
Red Herring
A. What is the mystery of this character? The stepfather seems to be the girl’s biggest threat but ultimately, he is the one who gets killed instead of the girl.</div><div>
B. What is the suspense of this character?
Will he find out where she is and will he find out she’s pregnant with his child?
· C. What is the intrigue of this character?
He is the mayor and a very respectable man. He is taking extremely good care of his mentally ill wife and has been taking care of his stepdaughter like she was his own. But he is sexually molesting her, and nobody will ever suspect him of this crime.
4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.
5. Post your assignment in the forums.
Subject line: (Your name’s) World and Characters! (place in first line)
Deadline: 48 hours
</div></div>
-
What I learned doing this assignment is:
My story might not be a thriller as I have set it up right now. Maybe I need a detective investigating. She’s on the stepfather’s side and is out there to bring the girl back home. Until she finds out that he raped his stepdaughter and is the father of her child. Not sure if this is the right direction. She might lose the baby but has to keep it a secret to save her life. Once they know she’s lost the baby, they’ll kill her.
1. What are the conventions of your story?
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: pregnant teenagerDangerous Villain: billionaire and wife but as a big surprise the gynecologist whom we thought of as the good guy + stepfatherHigh stakes: Once they have the baby they will get rid of her because she knows too much.Life and death situations: fleeing from the billionaire’s island. This story is thrilling because? The girl is pregnant and we constantly fear for her life and that of her unborn baby.
2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?
Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story? Will the pregnant girl survive and safely deliver the baby before they catch her?Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded plot that will live under the surface for most of the movie? The dangerous pedophile network of the gynecologist trades young girls with the billionaire couple for babies. Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script? They will take her baby as soon as she gave birth and kill her.
3. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.
4. Post your assignment in the forums.
-
What I learned doing this assignment is:
Define your villain just as good as your main character. In this film the intrigue is missing. The MC knows who is after him and why from the beginning. That makes it more of an action movie than an action/thriller. Also, it’s hard in this case to choose the main character. Is it the woman, the boy, the policeman?
ASSIGNMENT 1
Those who wish me dead
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: the boy, fire woman, policeman,
Dangerous Villain: The assassins that kill the accountant. High stakes: Life and death situation throughout the movie.
The boy and his father are in constant danger. We fear for fire woman’s life because of suicide, she takes the boy with her so now her life is in danger too. The policeman and his wife are under threat as well. Threatening to kill his pregnant wife if he doesn’t help them.
Life and death situations:
Fire woman when lightning strikes and she slides down (throughout the film her wounded hand is foreshadowing her and the boys escape) , father and son are shot, a pregnant woman is shot at, the fire and they nearly shoot her, lightning when fire woman flees with the boy, a policeman comes home and his partner gets shot. The policeman dares the assassins to kill him. In the tower when they are shooting through the tower. The shoot out with pregnant woman and villain. The villain chasing the fire woman. She has an axe and he has a gun. The villain wants to execute the boy. The fire woman kills him together with the boy. It’s a close call. The fire is almost near the tower. The fire is also chasing the boy and fire woman. The reach the creek and lay under the water holding their breath until the fire has passed them by.
This movie is thrilling because? There are a lot of life-death situations.
3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?
Big Mystery: What has the accountant found out about these important people. This is not resolved though. We know this from the beginning until the end. We don’t know who are the people behind the assassinations. Will the boy and the people that help him survive the assassinations? Big Intrigue: Who gave the assignment to kill the boy? Not resolved
Big Suspense: Some ugly villains will kill anyone that gets in the way of them killing the boy.
1. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller?
The main character, the firefighting woman has a chip on her shoulder that is a threat throughout the movie. It resonates and mirrors the chip on the boy’s shoulder. There is an emotional layer under it all. That’s what makes it interesting.
-
Wilke Durand
I agree to the terms of this release form
-
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that even though North by North West is an outdated movie, it forms a good structure for a thriller/action movie.
EXT. ADVERTISING AGENCY. DAY
Introduction Main Character Roger Thornhill. Successful advertising man.
INT. LOBBY HOTEL. DAY
Thornhill abducted. They think he is Kaplan.
INT. CAR – DAY
Tries to convince them he is not Kaplan.
INT. TOWNSEN HOME – NIGHT
He meets Mr. Townsend and his right-hand Leonard. When they don’t get the info they want, they let him drink a bottle of whisky.
EXT. ROAD. NIGHT
Attempt to kill him by putting him drunk in a stolen car. He is followed by the gangsters when he doesn’t drive from the cliff, but he is stopped by the police and taken to the station.
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Calls mother and tells her what happened.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Tells the story. Police comes with him to the Townsend home.
INT. HOME TOWNSEND – DAY
Act from so called Mrs. Townsend. They believe her. Nobody believes Thornhill.
INT. HOTEL NEW YORK – DAY
Takes measures in own hands. Searches room Kaplan. Finds connection with Townsend. Nobody has ever seen Kaplan. Escapes the crooks. He steps up his game.
INT. UNITED NATIONS – DAY
Finds out Mr. Townsend is someone else and ends up framed for killing the real Towsend. Picture with the knife in hand in the newspaper. He runs. INT. secret service office – day His predicament is complicated by the secret service intrigue. Kaplan is a decoy for a spy who is on to van Damm. Thornhill is on his own. They won’t help him
INT. TRAIN STATION – DAY
Takes train to Chicago to find Kaplan. Calls mother. Is recognized by the clerk. Gets on the train. Helped by a beautiful blonde.
INT. RESTAURANT TRAIN – DAY Seduction scene. Gets acquainted with Eve Kendall. Train Stops policemen enter the train. He runs.
INT. SLEEPING COMPARTMENT – DAY
He hides here. Kendall lies for him. He’s off the hook. Wonders why she is so sweet to him.
INT. SLEEPING COMPARTMENT – NIGHT
Clear that Kendall is one of the crooks.
EXT. TRAIN – DAY
He gets away as a piccolo. They find out. Looking for him
INT. TRAIN STATION – DAY
Kendal and Lenonard talk. Kendall sets him up. First signs of doubt with Kendall. She sends him to the middle of nowhere to meet Kaplan.
EXT. COUNTRYSIDE – DAY
Waits for Kaplan is chased by plane. The poison must run. Almost run over by a truck. Plane crashes on the truck. Steels a car gets away.
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
Sees Kendall and confronts her without actually saying something. She leaves. He acts like he doesn’t suspect her. Knows where she’s going. Follows her.
INT. AUCTION HOUSE – NIGHT
Confronts Kendall and Van Damm. Secret Sevice is there too. Starts fight taken by police.
INT. AIRPORT – NIGHT
Finds out Kendall is a secret agent.
EXT. MOUNT – day
He must play Kaplan in order not to compromise the mission and to protect Kendall.
INT. RESTAURANT MOUNTAIN – DAY
He’s trading Kendall for van Damme’s safe passage, but she shoots him. Leonard is a double agent. His body is taken by the CIA.
EXT. WOODS – DAY
We think it’s all over. He meets Kendall. They reconcile, but it all turns around. Professor lied to him. She has to go with van Dam not to blow their cover.
INT. HOSPITAL / JAIL – NIGHT
Acts like he is okay with Kendall leaving with van Dam. Climbs out of the window. Escapes.
EXT. HOUSE VAN DAM – NIGHT
Kendall’s cover was blown. He comes to her rescue. The trick with matches planted in beginning. She is off to the plain. The maid catches him.
EXT. PLAIN – NIGHT
The maid has the fake gun and shoots him. She runs to him with the microfilm
EXT. RUSHMORE MOUNTAIN – NIGHT
They climb down. Danger. She falls but is alright. They are followed by the henchman. He falls too but makes it. They are stuck. They roll down the mountain. Last fight. He wins. Another guy throws her off the mountain. Her life is on a thread. Leonard gives him the last push but is shot. He rescues her and asks her to marry him.
-
Wilke’s Basic structure
Concept: Struggling teenage artist with a chip on her shoulder becomes a surrogate mother to pay the rent, but when she finds out the billionaire couple is part of a pedophile network, she must run for her life and that of her unborn child.
1. OPENING
Libby ( 18) in the doctor’s office has a black eye but is examined by a gynecologist. He asks her all kinds of questions about her family situation, background, how her apartment looks like, etc. Weird questions for a gynecologist. – When she gets back home her drunk boyfriend ambushes her and hits her. Apparently, this is a recurring thing and she undergoes it meekly. He falls asleep and she moves out of her boyfriend’s apartment. The only furniture she takes with her is a few paintings and her painting gear. She roams the streets of NYC and asks a friend if she can stay for a while.
2. THE INCITING INCIDENT
Libby gets a call and goes back to the gynecologist it turns out it’s a surrogate mother’s office and Libby decides to go for it. Meets with the couple she’s carrying the baby for. They are awfully nice to her. Because she doesn’t have her own apartment they ask her to come live with them. They introduce her to a well-known billionaire.
4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE
She overhears conversations with billionaires and checks their computers. She asks a friend for help to access the darknet. She goes to the police, but they suspect her to have second thoughts about the surrogacy. The couple is very disappointed in her. This is not the first time they are disappointed by the surrogate mother. They bring her to the billionaire where she finds out she can’t leave the island by herself.
5. MID-POINT
She manages to escape, but she is chased by the gunmen of the couple and the billionaire couple. With new evidence, she goes to the police, but they tell her to get lost. It’s not enough evidence and with her drug abusive past, it’s hard for them to believe her. They have already called them and asked if they would bring her and their baby back. But when the girl who helped her reaches out she needs to go there. She now has to make a choice: will she go back to save the girl or will she run as far away as she can. She decides to go back.
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
The girl that helped her is tortured and raped by the billionaire and his wife to give information about her whereabouts. When she arrives the girl has disappeared.
7. CRISIS
8 months pregnant she tries to find the girl that helped her, but instead, she finds her grave and flees, but captured.
8. CLIMAX
Examined by the gynecologist and prepared for a caesarian she manages to grab a knife and stab the doctor. She puts the billionaire’s wife a knife to her throat.
9. RESOLUTION
The female police officer who didn’t believe her at first comes to her rescue. The baby is born. The couple is arrested. The man commits suicide in his cell and the woman is still in prison. The policewoman takes her in and for the first time she has a stable family.
-
PS 80 Wilke’s NECESSARY QUESTIONS
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that being fearless while writing is key. Do not think too much about is this the right choice, is this actually what I want to say, is this theme…just go with the flow. It’s liberating really.”
a. Concept:
When a struggling artist becomes a surrogate mother and finds out she’s carrying the baby for child traffickers of a pedophile network, she must run for her life before the baby is due.
b. Dramatic Question:
Will she be able to save herself and her unborn child?
c. What is the main conflict of the story?
To save her unborn child from the claws of this pedophile network.
d. What is the dilemma of the main character?
Will she overcome her fear and fight to free the other girls or will she only take care of herself and her baby?
e. What is the theme of the story?
When people are blinded by money and fame they are unable to see the truth.
-
“What I learned doing this is that the formats turned out to be variations on the theme. Because of the different structure of the formats, the main characters change places, and the storyline changes, but the core message stays the same…interesting.”
Assignment
1. Looking through the 10 plots above, select two that could possibly work for your story.
Sacrifice
A woman under the spell of a powerful billionaire does everything to please him. Even if this means: grooming teenage girls and lure them to his private island. However, when his sexual demands become more violent and a young girl dies, she starts to rethink her childhood and realizes that she was a victim of child abuse herself and has transformed from victim to predator. Her father was befriended with her now-husband and she went from her father’s prison to the prison of her husband. She must now find a way to cut herself loose and save her soul. She turns against her husband, who now threatens to kill her, and when she helps the girls escape, but she is shot and ends up in a coma. He manages to blame his wife and it seems that he is off the hook, but just before she dies, the woman makes one of the girls she has saved promise to fights him and have him arrested and convicted. In court, the girl testifies against him, even though he has threatened to kill her. When she testifies nevertheless, he commits suicide and the girls are finally free.
Discovery
A girl who has been a victim all her life falls for the seduction of a well-known billionaire. She even becomes his accomplish in luring young girls to his mansion. But when his demands become more and more perverse, she understands, that what she’s doing to the other girls is repeating what has been done to her all of her life and when he askes her to help him rape a thirteen-year-old girl, she can’t go through with it and turns against him. She helps the other girls escape and is deadly wounded. The policemen (and his wife) who she has been working with to get the billionaire behind bars are sitting next to her when she wakes up. They offer her to come and live with them, she envisions her life with this family and dies a happy child.
2. Original concept:
A struggling artist becomes a surrogate mother to pay the rent, but when she finds out the couple she’s carrying the baby for are child traffickers for a pedophile network she must run for her life and that of her unborn child.
3. Tell the name of the plot selection and write a logline for each one.
loglines 4 concepts
1. escape
Logline:
When a struggling artist becomes a surrogate mother and finds out she’s carrying the baby for child traffickers of a pedophile network, she must run for her life and that of her unborn child, before they lay hands on the baby.
Escape
A struggling artist breaks up with her boyfriend and therefore can no longer afford to live in her NYC apartment and decides to become a surrogate mother to pay the rent. The couple she is carrying the baby for inviting her to come and stay with them during her pregnancy and introduce her to a well-known billionaire. They bath her in luxury and they boost her career as an artist but soon she starts to suspect there is something wrong with these people and investigates. She finds out the couple is supplying a pedophile network, who communicate through the darknet. The couple catches her checking out their computer and covertly confine her; they send her to the billionaire who owns an island, where he lives together with a group of very young girls of whom he claims to be the foster father. She asks the girls for help, but they are brainwashed and too scared to talk. She tries to escape but they catch her. She is now locked up in a room, tries to get the other girls to help her, but to no avail. When the baby is due in several weeks one of the girls finally helps her escape. She is now chased and moves from motel to motel and when she alarms the police, but the police don’t believe her. The billionaire is a public figure and highly respected. She’s terrified and when the couple finds her and threatens to kill her, she gives in; she will give the baby up for abortion. Only to return to the house to continue her search for evidence against the couple and the billionaire and when she finds out that the girl that helped her at the island is brutally raped by the billionaire, she has only one mission: to set the girl free and kill them all.
2. The Riddle
Logline:
A troubled pregnant teenager is talked into an abortion by the clinic’s doctor and send to a benefactor’s private island to recover, only to find out that she is being recruited to satisfy the sexual preferences of a billionaire’s couple and that no one has yet managed to escape from their island.
A teenage girl from an underprivileged background is thrown out by her mother and stepfather when they find out she’s pregnant. At the abortion clinic, she starts to doubt whether she will have the abortion or to keep the baby. She tells the dr. she has nowhere to go and asks him if he could help her to find an organization where she can stay until the baby is born. However, the doctor convinces her to have an abortion, while she desperately wants to keep the baby. He offers his help and introduces her to a well-known billionaire and his wife who have a foster home for teenage girls on their private island. They take care of them lovingly and the girls seem very happy but never leave the island alone. The dr. from the abortion clinic brings in new girls all the time and even though they are under age they are allowed to drink alcohol and join parties with influential people. The girls are waiting to work on their future and study, but they never do. The billionaire couple promises them all kinds of things but they never follow through. The doctor talks to her, explaining that she must do certain things to be able to lead this life of luxury. The girl now realizes why she’s here and she’s now forced by the couple to have sex with them and their guests. She tries to escape, but they make it very clear to her: some girls fled and never made it from the island. She now has to fight to get her life back.
3. Sacrifice
Logline:
When a billionaire’s wife finds out her husband has brutally raped one of the girls she has recruited to please him, she must find a way to save the girls that are living under his reign, before she’s too late to save her soul.
A woman under the spell of a powerful billionaire does everything to please him. Even if this means: grooming teenage girls and lure them to his private island. However, when his sexual demands become more violent and a young girl dies, she starts to rethink her childhood and realizes that she was a victim of child abuse herself and has transformed from victim to predator. Her father was befriended with her now-husband and she went from her father’s prison to the prison of her husband. She must now find a way to cut herself loose and save her soul. She turns against her husband, who now threatens to kill her when she helps the girls escape. She gets shot and ends up in a coma. He manages to blame her and it seems that he is off the hook, but just before she dies, the woman makes one of the girls she has saved promise to fight him and have him arrested and convicted. In court, the girl testifies against him, even though he has threatened to kill her. When she testifies nevertheless, he commits suicide and the girls are finally free.
4. Discovery
Logline:
A teenage girl falls victim to a child-abusing billionaire couple and starts recruiting for them, but when a young girl dies, she must turn against them, before they kill them all.
A girl who has been a victim all her life falls for the seduction of a well-known billionaire. She even becomes his accomplish in luring young girls to his mansion. But when his demands become more and more perverse, she understands, that what she’s doing to the other girls is repeating what has been done to her all of her life and when he askes her to help him rape a thirteen-year-old girl, she can’t go through with it and turns against him. She helps the other girls escape and is deadly wounded. The policemen (and his wife) who she has been working with to get the billionaire behind bars are sitting next to her when she wakes up. They offer her to come and live with them and when she envisions her life with her new family, dies a happy child.
4. Then, looking at the four plots (two from yesterday and two from today) tell us which plot you would like to use throughout the Outlining module.
1. escape
Logline:
When a struggling artist becomes a surrogate mother and finds out she’s carrying the baby for child traffickers of a pedophile network, she must run for her life and that of her unborn child, before they lay hands on the baby.
-
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is, that it’s hard not to put too much detail in ‘ the synopsis’. In this stage of the process, there are a lot of things you don’t know yet or don’t want to know yet.
1. escape
2. riddle
1. Escape
A struggling artist breaks up with her boyfriend and therefore can no longer afford to live in her NYC apartment and decides to become a surrogate mother to pay the rent. The couple she is carrying the baby for inviting her to come and stay with them during her pregnancy and introduce her to a well-known billionaire. They bath her in luxury and they boost her career as an artist but soon she starts to suspect there is something wrong with these people and investigates. She finds out the couple is suppliers for a pedophile network, who communicate through the darknet. The couple catches her checking out their computer and covertly confine her; they send her to the billionaire who owns his own island, where he lives together with a group of very young girls of whom he claims to be the foster father. She asks the girls for help, but they are brainwashed and too scared to talk. She tries to escape but they catch her. She is now locked up in a room, tries to get the other girls to help her, but to no avail. When the baby is due in several weeks one of the girls finally helps her to get out. She is now chased and moves from motel to motel and when she alarms the police they attempt to kill her. She’s scared to death but when she finds out that the girl that helped her at the island is brutally raped by the billionaire, she decides to return with a mission: to set the girl free.
2. The Riddle
A teenage girl from an underprivileged background is thrown out by her mother and stepfather when they find out she’s pregnant. At the abortion clinic, she starts to doubt whether she will have the abortion or give the baby up for adoption. She tells the dr. she has nowhere to go and asks him if he could help her to find an organization where she can stay until the baby is born. However, the doctor convinces her to have an abortion, while she desperately wants to keep the baby. He offers his help and introduces her to a well-known billionaire and his wife who have a foster home for teenage girls on their private island. They take care of them lovingly and The girls seem very happy but never leave the island alone. The dr. from the abortion clinic brings in new girls all the time and even though they are under age they are allowed to drink alcohol and join parties with influential people. The girls are waiting to be able to go and study, but they never do. The billionaire couple promises them all kinds of things but they never follow through. The doctor talks to her, explaining that she must do certain things in order to be able to lead this life of luxury. The girl now realizes why she’s here and she’s now forced by the couple to have sex with them and their guests. She tries to escape, but they make it very clear to her: there are girls that never made it from the island. She now has to fight to get her life back.
-
ASSIGNMENT
1. High Concept
A struggling artist becomes a surrogate mother but when she finds out the couple she is carrying the baby for are child traffickers for a pedophile network she must run for her life and that of her unborn child.
2. Tell us the Character Structure you choose for your story.
Character structure Nr. 4
3. Give us one sentence on each of your lead characters.
My protagonist is an artist who becomes a surrogate mother to pay the rent.
My antagonist is a child trafficker for a pedophile network connected to a powerful billionaire.
4. In one or two paragraphs, tell us how you see the character structure playing out in your story.
The protagonist has just broken up with her boyfriend and is unable to support herself financially and decides to become a surrogate mother. She is blinded by the wealth of the couple she’s carrying the baby for and moves in with them. She is introduced to a very powerful billionaire but starts to suspect there is something not right and when she finds out that the couple is part of a pedophile network she asks her ex-boyfriend for help, but before she can reach out to him, the couple catches her and keep her as imprisoned. She manages to flee, pregnant 7 month’s and is scared to death they’ll find her. But when a former victim reaches out to her, she decides to turn things around and changes from victim to predator.
-
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
-
Hi!
Welcome to the group. Before I started Screenwritingu’s Binge Worthy TV Writing I had not been writing for 10 years. Due to the financial crisis, my husband and I needed to put our shoulders to the grindstone and make sure the restaurant we had just bought on the top of the market was not going bankrupt…well won’t keep you in suspense any longer; business is thriving and mama could go back to writing scripts. The project I worked on during the BWTV writing class is doing very well in the competitions. I have won 4 accolades so far thanks to this amazing class. So if you want to write for TV, do the course!
So far I’ve written 3 features and 36 episodes of a sitcom for children, co-wrote a solo performance and a TV Film.
I’m really excited to start this pro-series! Hope to meet you all on skype, FB or Whatsapp!
Warmest Regards,
Wilke Durand