Will Keightley
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WIL COMPLETED ACT 1
I’ve learned three important things in this process:
1. These lessons plowed ahead at a 30-day clip and I’m still on lesson 12, but I’m allowing myself to familiarize myself with the steps here, like choreographing a fight scene, where you go through the motions slowly the first time, then faster the next, then faster. These are important lessons and while I realize no one’s really paying attention, I’m going to keep this up till I reach the end. This is for me.
2. When I find myself bogging down, I’ve learned that it’s so critical to say, “Don’t freak. This is a 20% draft.” And then it shoots forward again.
3. I’m going with a FIVE-act structure on this one. Makes the most sense for me.
[First Act completed at 20% quality. It’s wonky, and doesn’t pack the punch it needs to, but it shall, as I whittle it into something amazing with each successive draft. I’m not posting the whole thing here, because it’s… well, really long. 22 pages.]
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WIL’S TURNING POINT 1 SCENE
Today I learned to be a bit more organized in my writing frenzy, as a) I thought I’d already posted this as completed, and b) when I went to copy the scene in, I discovered that I’d inadvertently written over it in the push to complete Act One.
That’s okay, as I’ve revised it anyway, and as I dive into the next section, I’ll likely retool it completely.
My protagonist, Lauren Kilkenny, is a very slow bloomer, and it’s going to take her a while to full commit.
SCENE POSTED:
EXT. AMBITION STREET – DAY
Lauren glances away from Conrad’s speech. She’s shocked to to see Ben Wheeler on his horse, heading out of town. She jumps up and hurries over. She jumps in front of his horse.
LAUREN
What are you doing?
BEN
Can I tell you straight? No subtext, everything on the nose?
LAUREN
Of course. This is just the 20% draft.
BEN
I’m leaving.
LAUREN
What? Are you not hearing what’s happening?
BEN
You’ve got plenty of able-bodied men willing to take up the cause.
LAUREN
Look at them. They’re afraid. The only reason they’re getting in line is they’re afraid of Conrad.
BEN
I don’t know if they’re cowards or not, Spitfire. But I do know one thing. You have a problem.
LAUREN
But we need help. You’re brave and you’re strong. I saw that last night.
BEN
And I have a duty to this man’s mother to get him back home for a proper burial.
Lauren notices for the first time the BUNDLED BLANKET draped over the back of his horse. Wil’s body.
LAUREN
(pathetically)
Can’t it wait a day?
BEN
You know what your problem is, Kilkenny?
LAUREN
I’m a half-breed orphan with a love for the opium?
BEN
You’re a porch-sitter.
LAUREN
Huh?
BEN
Your town has a problem. You’re expecting someone to come in and take care of it, like the hero in one of those books you read. And why is that? Because you think you don’t have what it takes. You think you’re helpless.
LAUREN
You saw that thing last night. I can’t fight that thing.
BEN
And I can?
LAUREN
It’s not just you. It’d be all of them, too. What I saw you do last night…
BEN
You’ve got potential, Kilkenny. Saddle up.
Lauren stares at him, fury growing.
LAUREN
They won’t let me.
Ben’s own fury grows.
BEN
God dang, girl, who are they to tell you no? Take control of your life. Get on your horse and tell them that you’re going. I’ve got business elsewhere, or I’d be coming with you.
But right now, this is more important than your fight.
Lauren looks down. Somewhere inside, she knows he’s right.
BEN
Be your own hero, Kilkenny. Just do it.
LAUREN
That’s a bit on then nose.
BEN
Sure is, but we’ll come up with something better later.
Ben touches the brim of his hat and guides his horse past Lauren.
She stares at the ground for a moment. And then her jaw sets. He’s goddamn right.
She runs off.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by Will Keightley.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by
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WILL’S INCITING INCIDENT
Good stuff–and by good stuff, I mean shitty stuff–but that’s the point. Especially in the second scene, I could feel my footing solidify because I realized I could actually race through the scene without worrying… And that’s when the tiny owl showed up. Not sure if that’s going to be something, but it wouldn’t have landed on the window sill if I hadn’t had the window open.
EXT. AMBITION STREET – DAY
Lauren steps out into the busy street. Then hesitates. She looks back at the spot where they two Apaches had been standing. They’re gone. She checks a couple other spots in the area. Nothing.
She turns around. And they’re standing right there. She might even make a little squeak of surprise.
Before Lauren can react, he reaches both hands for her face and turns her head slightly. That flaw in her iris CATCHES THE SUN. The older one says something in Chiricahua Apache language.
YOUNG APACHE
(to Lauren) You bear the mark.
Shocked, Lauren tries to pull away, but the effort is feeble and the man’s grip is strong.
LAUREN
Mark? What mark?
The Old Apache speaks again. The Young Apache translates.
YOUNG APACHE
He says your life is in danger. You must come with us.
LAUREN
No– What? No.
YOUNG APACHE
(repeats) You are in danger. He is hunting you.
LAUREN
What?
The Old Apache says something, grabbing for her arm.
YOUNG APACHE
Come with us. You must meet the Chief.
Lauren pulls hard to free herself, but the old man’s grip is like iron.
YOUNG APACHE
You must come with us. Or you will die.
The old man speaks English.
OLD APACHE
You will come. If you do not–
Half of the old man’s face blows off. He slumps. Lauren lets out a horrified gasp.
The Young Apache drops to the ground and throws himself on the body of his companion.
Lauren looks up. Standing a few yards away is SHERIFF JAKE THORNE, a lean, tanned mustache of a man with a glinty eye and a towering presence.
LAUREN
W-What did you–
JAKE
Don’t thank me, girl. I might get emotional.
Jake nods toward the Young Apache and says to a man standing next to him, DEPUTY DAILY.
JAKE
Take that one to the House.
Lauren stumbles back from the body as Daily, gun drawn, grabs the shocked Young Apache.
.LAUREN
turns away. We turn with her, keeping on her right side, following her face as she stumbles back to the Fool’s Gold Saloon.
She pushes into the saloon, past CUSTOMERS. As some of them look up, a few react to something we can’t see.
Lauren numbly pushes behind the bar, where Maggie gives her an intense look.
MAGGIE
The hell happened to you?
Lauren shakes her head, forcing herself back into her calm.
LAUREN
Nothing. Just give me a moment. I’ll be okay.
MAGGIE
You’d better clean yourself up first.
Lauren looks up at her. Then she turns to the mirror behind the bar. And we finally see the left side of her face.
It’s drenched in blood.
INT. TINY LIVING SPACE – DAY
Lauren stands at a small wash basin in front of a mirror and splashes water on her face. The Apache’s blood swirls in the clear water.
A bird flies in. It’s a TINY OWL. Lauren stares at it.
The water swirls red.
Then the bird leaves. Lauren strips the blood-stained shirt from her body and fetches a slightly cleaner one from a small drawer. As she pulls it over her head, her eyes settle on an old PHOTOGRAPH.
A slender NATIVE AMERICAN WOMAN sits stock still, a young girl in her lap. We might recognize the girl as Lauren if her face wasn’t a blur of motion. But even in the blur, there’s an ember evident in the eyes.
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WILL’S ACT 1: OPENING SCENES
It helps me to remember that each scene is its own structural entity. A good thing to keep in mind as I build each one out.
—– SCENE ONE: ANTAGONIST INTRO —–
BEATSHEET VERSION:
EXT. INT. ANDERSON HOMESTEAD – COLD OPEN – NIGHT
ANTOINE comes to a Homestead and finds four freshly killed bodies. Intro JEAN CAYATTE who has just escaped from a century of imprisonment. He poses the question, “Who will stop me from doing my bad stuff?”
EXPANDED VERSION:
Beginning: Antoine, who will soon be dead, arrives at a darkened homestead at night.
Middle: He enters, calling out for the occupants. He gets no answer. Then he finds out why: They’re all hanging from the rafters. Fresh blood still drips. Yet, incredibly, he’s not surprised for some reason. Then a mysterious voice in the darkness, an old enemy, the man (or thing) responsible for this butchery. Antoine and the mysterious person talk. They know each other. Antoine states the theme: BALANCE MUST BE PRESERVED. And the voice poses the question: WHO WILL STOP ME?
End: They fight. But we cut away before we see the clash.EXT. WOODS – NIGHT EXT. ANDERSON HOMESTEAD – DUSK
A nearly-full moon casts everything silver and black. A LONE HORSEMAN rides. Not at full speed. A decent trot. There’s not real urgency, but there’s surely a reason for the nighttime travel.
He rides through an opening in the trees. Reins in to a stop.
EXT. HOMESTEAD – NIGHT
A moonlit clearing. An impressive two story home rises like hulk in the moonlight. A barn sits about forty yards away, doors closed.
A single, pale light burns in one of the upper windows. A tendril of smoke from the chimney. He regards the home.
His name is ANTOINE, thirties, lean. His eyes narrow beneath dark eyebrows. Is that the hint of a shine in them?
Antoine urges his horse forward, turning slightly to regard the barn. The flutter of restless animals inside. The anxious complaint of goats and cows. They’re reacting to something.
The light in the upper window goes dark.
EXT. HOMESTEAD – FRONT PORCH – NIGHT
Antoine slides off his horse. Silent. Listens. Stepping onto the porch, he pauses. The front door is open.
INT. HOMESTEAD
Antoine enters. Framed in the silvery doorway before he steps into total darkness.
ANTOINE (hint of French accent)
Hello? (beat)Weary traveler. Looking for a place to sleep the night.
Another beat, then a match flares in Antoine’s hand, touching the wick of a lantern. The front room of the house glows. Antoine turns. Then stops. Almost imperceptibly, his jaw tightens.
.A HEAVY RAFTER
Spans the width of the room. Four figures hang from it. An OLD WOMAN, a YOUNGER WOMAN, and TWO BOYS. They’re not hanging by the neck, but by the hand. One of each of their (right) hands has been nailed to the wood.
Blood drips lazily to small pools on the floor.
This has happened recently.
He steps past the bodies to look up a STAIRWAY leading to the second floor. It ascends into inky darkness. He looks for a beat, then senses — someone is _behind him_.
He quietly pushes back his cloak, revealing a pearl-handled PISTOL at his hip. But he doesn’t touch that. His hand settles on the hilt of a sword.
On the back of that hand is a curious tattoo: a bisected circle, one half filled in with black.
Without turning:
ANTOINE
How long have you been out?A voice answers him O.S. It’s not a healthy voice. It may have been human once, but it sounds rusty, sibilant, perhaps creaky with disuse.
VOICE
You know me?ANTOINE
Only by reputation.
He tilts his head slightly, indicating the macabre display.
ANTOINE
And you have a signature.
VOICE
I wondered if any of you were left.
ANTOINE
We are many.
VOICE
I don’t believe you.
ANTOINE
You’ll learn. Soon enough. We’ve changed since then.VOICE
So have I.
ANTOINE
Oh, yes? How?
He slides his blade slightly out of its sheath.
VOICE
We’ll sort this out later, make it about subtext.
ANTOINE
You kill me you’ll be dead within days.
VOICE
I’ll feast on you and anyone else who comes.
ANTOINE
We’ll stop you.
VOICE
And if I kill you all?
Antoine turns finally, and looks behind him. A tall shadow blocks the doorway. Impossible to see detail, let alone face. Low, very wide hat.
ANTOINE
Someone else will. That’s how it is.
VOICE
This is getting dumb. I’m talking to you at 20%.
ANTOINE
I agree. Am I leaving this house alive?
The figure’s eyes glow _yellow_. That’s all the answer Antoine needs.
Antoine hauls on his blade.
—– SCENE TWO: PROTAGINIST INTRO —–
BEATSHEET VERSION:
EXT. FOOLS GOLD SALOON – DAY
Wil helps Lauren sober up. He’s kind to her, which she appreciated. He’s looking for a place to spend the night, someplace hidden, adding mystery.
Beginning: Wil Tucker finds Lauren passed on in an alley.
Middle: She’s blitzed on Laudanum. She wakes when he checks her bottle. She tries to stand up, but can’t keep her BALANCE. Wil needs a hidden place to sleep for the night. She refuses to help him out, but then passes out again. He catches her.
End: A passerby sees him holding her and asks with what he mistakes for concern, “Is she dead?”
EXT. FOOL’S GOLD SALOON – ALLEY – DAY
A wagon with a broken wheel is parked behind the saloon, flanked by some moldering bales of hay and a couple wooden crates.
Wil emerges from the rear door of the saloon and looks around, spying…
.A PAIR OF WORN AND DIRTY SHOES
jutting out from the end of the wagon. The owner of those shoes is LAUREN KILKENNY. The rest of her attire matches the shoes, kept in check by a stained apron.
WIL
Uh, Ms. Kilkenny?
No response. He spots a small bottle next to her leg. He picks it up. It’s empty. A colorful label on the side reads, “LAUDANUM.”
Wil picks up the bottle and gives it a sniff. Reacts.
He nudges Lauren’s boot. She sits up like she’s been shocked. Wil jumps back, genuinely surprised.
WIL
Ms. Kilkenny. Forgive me for startling you.
Lauren focuses on him, which is a real effort. Her JET BLACK HAIR is pulled under a hat. What few strands have escaped are wet with sweat. Four days from turning 18, she’s soft and down-turned, like a plant that needs a glimmer of water and a splash of sunshine.
And she’s blitzed.
Wil touches the brim of his hat and gives her a smile. He’s about to speak when he hesitates and looks more closely at her.
There’s something interesting about her eyes–
LAUREN
What?
WIL
Uh, Miss Kilkenny, gentleman next door said you might–
He hesitates and leans closer, fascinated. Lauren recoils slightly. Wil smiles an apology.
WIL
Uh, said you might be able to assist a man looking or somewhere to bed down for the night.
LAUREN
I’m not a whore.
WIL
Somewhere discreet.
LAUREN
Why are you staring at me?
WIL
Forgive me. Your eyes–
Lauren looks away self consciously. In that moment, the sun catches her eyes and we see it– Her eyes are brown, but the left iris is marked with a SPLASH OF GOLD, which for a split moment, lights up like a candle.
Lauren doesn’t like the attention. She tries to jump down off the back of the cart. And passes out.
Wil catches her. Just barely. For an awkward moment, he stands there, holding her. He shakes her.
WIL
Ms. Kilkenny?
Nothing.
A WOMAN sees his predicament from the end of the alley. She hurries up to him.
WOMAN
Is she dead?
WIL
I don’t think so.
The woman straightens, disappointed.
WOMAN
Too bad.
She turns and walks out of the alley.
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WILL’S BEAT SHEET DRAFT TWO
This was an important exercise for me, because I’d had a sneaking suspicion that I was taking the villain for granted, and sure enough, tracking his beats helped me crystalize his vibe a bit more, and he’s developing into a formidable foe. I think a lot will come out in the writing, too.
—- ACT ONE —-
EXT. INT. ANDERSSON HOMESTEAD – COLD OPEN – NIGHT
ANTOINE comes to a Homestead and finds four freshly killed bodies. Intro JEAN CAYATTE who has just escaped from a century of imprisonment. He poses the question, “Who will stop me from doing my bad stuff?”
EXT. DESERT ROAD – DAY
A man named JEREMIAH SMITHMOUTH drives a wagon away from Ambition. A man named BEN WHEELER accosts him. (Is he robbing him?) Ben is headed for Ambition, AZ. He’s chasing a man. Jeremiah warns Ben to not go to Ambition. The town is damned.
Ben discovers that Jeremiah is traveling with his three young children. Ben decides not to rob them. Because the kids are so cute.
Ben ignores Jeremiah.
EXT. AMBITION, ARIZONA STREET – DAY
A young man named WIL TUCKER needs a place to sleep and is told to find LAUREN KILKENNY, who he finds lying out back in laudanum stupor.
EXT. FOOLS GOLD SALOON – DAY
Wil helps Lauren sober up. He’s kind to her, which she appreciated. He’s looking for a place to spend the night, someplace hidden, adding mystery.
EXT. AMBITION STREET – DAY
The arrival of SARAH PARSONS and her father, CONRAD. She stunning. She trips. Wil catches her. Something is kindled.
EXT. HOTEL – DAY
Sarah encounters John Kelley, who appears to be a drunk. He seems to recognize her. The encounter bothers her.
INT. HOTEL – DAY
Sarah sees Wil climbing into the nearby hayloft with his stuff. Intrigued.
EXT. AMBITION, STREET – DAY
TE: When crossing the street, Lauren is accosted by two Apaches, who catch a glimpse of her eyes. They tell her they need to take her to their chief. She refuses. SHERIFF JAKE THORNE misinterprets their aggression and shoots one of the Apaches dead and takes the other (CALICO) into custody.
INT. HAYLOFT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Scene with Wil. I’d like to bring up the addiction early on. She’s interested in him, but only kinda. He tells her she needs to get sober.
INT. SALOON – DAY
A crowded evening. Nervous townsfolk. Wil shows up with Sarah Parsons. Hurt blooms in Lauren. She decides to have some Laudanum
TE: Lauren manages to deny herself the indulgence. Only just barely.
EXT. AMBITION, AZ – NIGHT
Night falls on Ambition. Maybe a montage.
INT. SALOON – NIGHT
Massive turning point scene.
ANTAGONIST MOMENT 1: Jean Cayatte enters the Saloon. Maybe a short scene outside. Sees Sarah Parsons. Is transfixed. He believes that she’s someone he can turn into a mate.
Scene should be surreal and weird. He tries to take her into his arms. Wil fights back. Cayatte kills him. All hell breaks loose.
TE: Lauren comes face to face with him. Vampires exist! Ben Wheeler is there, too. His presence will make sense later.
At a key moment, Sheriff Thorne and a bunch of others fill the saloon full of lead from outside. Lauren, Ben and Sarah escape.
EXT. AMBITION – NIGHT
Big escape scene. Lauren and Ben try to get Sarah back to the safety of her hotel. Cayatte catches up to them. This time, they’re saved by JOHN KELLEY, who seems to know how to fight him.
TE: Lauren sees for the first time that something can stand against the vampires.
EXT. AMBITION ALLEY – NIGHT
Face off between Kelley and Cayatte. There’s history there. But Cayatte isn’t interested in fighting. He only wants one thing.
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
Sarah thinks she’s safe in her room. She tries to close her window. Cayatte grabs her and she’s gone.
EXT. AMBITION STREET – NIGHT
Lauren and Ben see it from outside. Cayatte seems to carry her off as a swarm of bats.
Who the hell was that guy?
—- ACT TWO —-
EXT. AMBITION TOWN SQUARE – MORNING
Conrad Parsons delivers a thunderous speech about the godless town of Ambition. And decries the loss of his daughter. You need to do something, he implores. _Go get this man!_
EXT. AMBITION TOWN SQUARE – DAY
A ten-man posse forms. JAKE tries to round up more, but none are coming. It’s a terrified town.
EXT. AMBITION STREET – DAY
Lauren confronts Ben, who’s about to ride out of town. Help us! But he’s got what he’s come for. Wil’s body lies wrapped in a blanket on his horse. This is not his fight. You should do it yourself. Stop asking others to do your work for you.
te: Lauren is told she has the strength to be a hero.
EXT. AMBITION TOWN SQUARE – DAY
Riders ask Jake if he knows where to go. He absolutely has no idea. They consult a map. Then he remembers… that APACHE.
INT. JAILHOUSE – DAY
Calico refuses to help. They make him an offer he can’t refuse. He says okay. And now they have a guide.
EXT. JAILHOUSE – DAY
Lauren confronts Jake and says she’s going. He won’t let her but won’t tell her why. She insists she’s going anyway. He locks her in a jail cell.
EXT. ROAD OUT OF AMBITION – DAY
The posse rides. Absolute badasses.
INT. JAIL CELL – DAY
Lauren tries to escape. She fails.
EXT. KATE BOGGINS HOME – DAY
They ask for her opinion. She wants to join, because she thinks something happened at the Andersson Homestead and that’s where they should go. But they refuse because Kate is a wild-haired free slave and ain’t no room for her in that group. Dailey calls her a filthy slave or something.
EXT. HIGH DESERT ROAD – DAY
Ben rides with Wil’s body. The body twitches. He’s alive! But when he’s let out of the blanket he burns. Before Ben can even recover from the shock, he spies a wagon off the track.
EXT. HIGH DESERT – WAGON – DAY
The wagon belongs to the Smithmouth family. And everyone has been slaughtered. Enough of this. Ben turns back toward Ambition.
INT. JAIL CELL – DAY
Lauren mopes. Then Ben Wheeler offers to free her. He does, by accidentally tearing the wall of the jailhouse down.
EXT. HIGH DESERT – DAY
Lauren and Ben have to decide where to go. Lauren knows someone who’s wise. Also, she’s half Indian. She can track. But then realizes she’s hopeless at it.
EXT. HIGH DESERT – DAY
TE: Quitting the opium Part One Lauren tries to take some Laudanum. Ben catches her and gives her a choice. She chooses the drug. But she feels terrible after that and throws the rest of it away. (She’s got more hidden away.)
EXT. HIGH DESERT RIVER – DAY
Lauren cleans herself up. Sees her reflection. Taking a bit of pride in her appearance, trying to fix her self-esteem.
EXT. KATE BOGGINS HOME – DAY
She wants to throw in with the two, but Ben refuses. Lauren overrides him, showing her first glimmer of leadership.
Also, she says she knows where the posse is headed.
EXT. ANDERSSON HOMESTEAD – EVENING
The posse ride up. The place shows no sign of life. Or death for that matter. The blood we know should be there is gone. Jake decides they’ll stay there the night.
EXT. HIGH DESERT FOREST – EVENING
Placeholder: Boggins, Ben and interact, and Lauren and Ben clash, possibly with the beginning of a mutual respect.
Boggins says something about how she’s a survivor (SETUP)
INT. ANDERSSON HOMESTEAD – EVENING
The posse members are unwinding. Having a bit of drink.
Hints that they are not alone in the house. Something is in there with them. More for the audience than for the characters.
INT. ANDERSSON HOMESTEAD – NIGHT
SOunds outside. It’s Lauren and Ben and Kate. There’s a conflict. Jake is pissed that she’s there.
Placeholder: Conflict between Lauren and Dailey, who all but admits he shot Lauren’s mother. This might be too extreme.
INT. ANDERSSON HOMESTEAD – UPSTAIRS BEDROOM – NIGHT
TE: Quitting the opium Part Two
Lauren isn’t feeling well. Coming down off the opium. Tormented by guilt. She admits to Ben that it was she who killed Father Byrne. She tries to take some opium. Ben again catches her. But this time, she stops. Even though she’s a wreck. (She keeps it.)
INT. ANDERSSON HOMESTEAD – NIGHT
_Midpoint “Oh Shit” Moment_
Shit hits the fan. Someone notices _Calico is gone_ and goes outside to look for him. About twenty people are standing there. And they’re no longer human. People who used to live in Ambition are now monsters.
INT. ANDERSSON HOMESREAD – NIGHT
_The Big Fight_
The place swarms with vampires. The posse puts up a valiant fight. Lots of things happen:
TE: Lauren kills her first vampire.
Jake is bitten in the calf by a vampire.
A fire starts.
Deputy Daily is killed in a satisfying way?
ANTAGONIST MOMENT 2: Lauren and Cayatte come face to face. And he recognizes her. Begins to understand her spirit. But Jake intervenes before Cayatte can take her.
Ben and Lauren escape out a back window and ride into the woods.
Everyone else is killed.
INT. ANDERSSON HOMESTEAD – NIGHT
Wounded, Jake faces Cayatte (he’s not there). He’s about to die. The house is an inferno.
Someone kills the vampire. A wild man. He grabs Jake and drags him into a trap door, which slams shut as the house collapses into fiery ruin.
EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
Ben and Lauren are pursued through the woods. Lauren smacks a branch, goes down. Ben comes back to help her. They’re both tackled. But it’s not vampires. It’s Apaches. Lauren blacks out.
—- ACT THREE —-
EXT. APACHE CAMP – NIGHT
Lauren regains consciousness. She’s safe. And Ben is there!
But who’s this John Kelley guy?
EXT. APACHE CAMP – NIGHT
_Story Time Part 1_
Possibly drawn out in stages. Kelley and an Apache Medicine man explain who Jean Cayatte is.
Cayatte and Kelley have been fighting each other since the 1700s. He’s been imprisoned in a mine complex nearby for the past 100 years and some damn fool let him out.
Kelley himself is part of an organization called the Threshold, whose main purpose is fighting vampires.
He has cool weapons. He has knowledge. And he’ll take it from here.
EXT. APACHE CAMP – NIGHT
_Story Time Part 2_
The Apaches tell her who she is, according to their dreams. She’s called the Changing Woman, and according to them, will help them find the one who can sew up the night with the day.
Lauren interprets this to mean she’s not a chosen one, but that she knows who he is. (It’s gotta be Ben – set this up)
EXT. APACHE CAMP – NIGHT
TE: Blended in with these dark tales is Lauren’s detox. It’s finally hitting her, and it’s brutal. A literal long, dark night of the soul. The Apache Medicine Chief recognizes Lauren’s addiction and reminds her that the battle has to be won by her.
EXT. APACHE CAMP – DAWN
The Apaches tell her that her father is dead. She learns the truth about him.
EXT. APACHE CAMP – DAWN
Lauren realizes she has a say in how things should go, and convinces him to accept their help. And a new posse of seven is born.
EXT. APACHE CAMP
Placeholder: Kate Boggins rejoins the group, reminding them all, ‘she’s a survivor.’
EXT. APACHE CAMP – MORNING
Placeholder: Perhaps a lovely scene between Ben and Lauren. Attraction forming, but some mistrust and misplaced irritation.
EXT. APACHE CAMP – DAY
Kelley is leaving to face Cayatte on his own.
Lauren says no way, Juan. They’re coming with. A show of leadership. Kelley tells her she has no idea what she’s saying, but he grudgingly acquiesces.
EXT. HANGING VALLEY – DAY
John, Lauren, Ben and Kate are led by Calico and another Apache to a valley where they come to an old mine. The Apaches are forbidden to follow, so they leave them.
EXT. HANGING VALLEY – DAY
The Apaches talk about Lauren. She will find the Changing One, Calico says, but she will die.
EXT. MINE ENTRANCE – DAY
Kelley gives them a pep talk. Leave Cayatte to me. He’s too dangerous.
EXT. MINE ENTRANCE – DAY
Incredibly, Jake shows up, accompanied by a haggard man — ANDERSSON, the patriarch of the family that lived at the Homestead. He’s the man who saved Jake, and had been lurking in the crawlspace below his house. His sanity is in question.
EXT. MINE ENTRANCE – DAY
Jake is too far gone. But Kelley gives him a special substance that restores him a little ways back toward humanity. It won’t last, but it’ll do for now.
EXT. MINE ENTRANCE – EVENING
TE: Primer on Threshold weaponry. Lauren understands for the first time the power and ability of the Threshold.
The goal for the final stage is for them to simply get a crate — something Kelley calls an N.E.D. — into the mine and light a long fuse. Then get the hell out. It will eradicate the nest.
INT. BLACK MINE – NIGHT
The Seven enter and find themselves fighting nerves.
INT. BLACK MINE – NIGHT
Bats swarm. Incredibly intense. And when they clear, Lauren is gone. She has fallen into a crevice, most certainly to her death.
Conflict – Ben wants to go after her, but it’s clear that there’s no hope. And they don’t have time. It’s past sunset.
—- ACT FOUR —-
INT. BLACK MINE – NIGHT
They find an old working elevator and get on…
INT. BLACK MINE – CREVICE – NIGHT
Lauren’s death/rebirth in the depth of the mountain. She has some matches. And don’t forget the Button.
Lauren frees herself and falls into an underground river that takes her into…
INT. BLACK PALACE – NIGHT
On the shore of an underground lake, in the middle of a wild, Gothic wonderland.
INT. BLACK PALACE – NIGHT
Placeholder: A huge set of interconnecting scenes that leads Lauren into despair and hope. She meets someone she knows. She’s saved by Ben. They kiss. Kelley confronts Cayatte for the last time, and everyone fights a horde of vampires.
Everything goes to hell quickly. They succeed in defeating the vampires, but Cayatte is too strong, and makes quick work of them and their plan to destroy the nest and everything in it with the Threshold equivalent of a nuclear bomb.
Lauren sacrifices herself and saves Ben, expressing her love at last
Major turning point. She goes back, and the wild sequence of survival gives her one, last chance.
ANTAGONIST MOMENT 3: Lauren, trying to escape, is caught by Cayatte. Their main conflict, face to face. They fight, but he bites her. The bomb goes off, blasting them out of the mountain, just before sunrise. Realizing he’s lost, Cayatte spares her life and allows the sun to destroy him.
[[Note that here Cayatte finally realizes that he had it wrong. He can’t recreate his lost love based on how she looks. But rather who the person is. But of course, by this point, it’s too late.]]
Lauren is slowly transforming into a vampire and sitting on the mountainside, exposed to the sunlight. Three colleagues of the late John Kelley find her at the crucial time and work their magic, inducting her into the organization, telling her that her previous life is gone.
—- CODA —-
50 years later, Lauren’s love interest, Ben, is on his death bed. Lauren visits him in his final moments, not having aged a day.
-
Will’s High Speed Beat Sheet
(I’m way behind, but I’ll catch up!)
One of the things I always claim (something I learned doing NaNoWriMo) is that quantity is better than quality on the first draft. Just get the stuff out. It’s easier said than done, though, when my internal critic has a mouth like a bullhorn. But the rules are great, and really helped drown out that bullhorn in a torrent of imperfect words. I’m learning to be okay with imperfection.
—- ACT ONE —-
EXT. INT. ANDERSON HOMESTEAD – COLD OPEN – NIGHT
ANTOINE comes to a Homestead and finds four freshly killed bodies. Intro JEAN CAYATTE who has just escaped from a century of imprisonment. He poses the question, “Who will stop me from doing my bad stuff?”
EXT. DESERT ROAD – DAY
A man named JEREMIAH SMITHMOUTH drives a wagon away from Ambition. A man named BEN WHEELER accosts him. (Is he robbing him?) Ben is headed for Ambition, AZ. He’s chasing a man. Jeremiah warns Ben to not go to Ambition. The town is damned.
Ben discovers that Jeremiah is traveling with his three young children. Ben decides not to rob them. Because the kids are so cute.
Ben ignores Jeremiah.
EXT. AMBITION, ARIZONA STREET – DAY
A young man named WIL TUCKER needs a place to sleep and is told to find LAUREN KILKENNY, who he finds lying out back in laudanum stupor.
EXT. FOOLS GOLD SALOON – DAY
Wil helps Lauren sober up. He’s kind to her, which she appreciated. He’s looking for a place to spend the night, someplace hidden, adding mystery.
EXT. AMBITION STREET – DAY
The arrival of SARAH PARSONS and her father, CONRAD. She stunning. She trips. Wil catches her. Something is kindled.
EXT. HOTEL – DAY
Sarah encounters John Kelley, who appears to be a drunk. He seems to recognize her. The encounter bothers her.
INT. HOTEL – DAY
Sarah sees Wil climbing into the nearby hayloft with his stuff. Intrigued.
EXT. AMBITION, STREET – DAY
TE: When crossing the street, Lauren is accosted by two Apaches, who catch a glimpse of her eyes. They tell her they need to take her to their chief. She refuses. SHERIFF JAKE THORNE misinterprets their aggression and shoots one of the Apaches dead and takes the other (CALICO) into custody.
INT. HAYLOFT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Scene with Wil. I’d like to bring up the addiction early on. She’s interested in him, but only kinda. He tells her she needs to get sober.
INT. SALOON – DAY
A crowded evening. Nervous townsfolk. Wil shows up with Sarah Parsons. Hurt blooms in Lauren. She decides to have some Laudanum
TE: Lauren manages to deny herself the indulgence. Only just barely.
EXT. AMBITION, AZ – NIGHT
Night falls on Ambition. Maybe a montage.
INT. SALOON – NIGHT
Massive turning point scene.
Jean Cayatte enters the Saloon. Maybe a short scene outside. Sees Sarah Parsons. Is transfixed.
Scene should be surreal and weird. He tries to take her into his arms. Wil fights back. Cayatte kills him. All hell breaks loose.
TE: Lauren comes face to face with him somehow. Vampires exist! Ben Wheeler is there, too. His presence will make sense later.
At a key moment, Sheriff Thorne and a bunch of others fill the saloon full of lead from outside. Lauren, Ben and Sarah escape.
EXT. AMBITION – NIGHT
Big escape scene. Lauren and Ben try to get Sarah back to the safety of her hotel. Cayatte catches up to them. This time, they’re saved by JOHN KELLEY, who seems to know how to fight him.
TE: Lauren sees for the first time that something can stand against the vampires.
EXT. AMBITION ALLEY – NIGHT
Face off between Kelley and Cayatte. There’s history there. But Cayatte isn’t interested in fighting. He only wants one thing.
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
Sarah thinks she’s safe in her room. She tries to close her window. Cayatte grabs her and she’s gone.
EXT. AMBITION STREET – NIGHT
Lauren and Ben see it from outside. Cayatte seems to carry her off as a swarm of bats.
Who the hell was that guy?
—- ACT TWO —-
EXT. AMBITION TOWN SQUARE – MORNING
Conrad Parsons delivers a thunderous speech about the godless town of Ambition. And decries the loss of his daughter. You need to do something, he implores. _Go get this man!_
EXT. AMBITION TOWN SQUARE – DAY
A ten-man posse forms. JAKE tries to round up more, but none are coming. It’s a terrified town.
EXT. AMBITION STREET – DAY
Lauren confronts Ben, who’s about to ride out of town. Help us! But he’s got what he’s come for. Wil’s body lies wrapped in a blanket on his horse. This is not his fight. You should do it yourself. Stop asking others to do your work for you.
te: Lauren is told she has the strength to be a hero.
EXT. AMBITION TOWN SQUARE – DAY
Riders ask Jake if he knows where to go. He absolutely has no idea. They consult a map. Then he remembers… that APACHE.
INT. JAILHOUSE – DAY
Calico refuses to help. They make him an offer he can’t refuse. He says okay. And now they have a guide.
EXT. JAILHOUSE – DAY
Lauren confronts Jake and says she’s going. He won’t let her but won’t tell her why. She insists she’s going anyway. He locks her in a jail cell.
EXT. ROAD OUT OF AMBITION – DAY
The posse rides. Absolute badasses.
INT. JAIL CELL – DAY
Lauren tries to escape. She fails.
EXT. KATE BOGGINS HOME – DAY
They ask for her opinion. She wants to join, because she thinks something happened at the Andersson Homestead and that’s where they should go. But they refuse because Kate is a wild-haired free slave and ain’t no room for her in that group. Dailey calls her a filthy slave or something.
EXT. HIGH DESERT ROAD – DAY
Ben rides with Wil’s body. The body twitches. He’s alive! But when he’s let out of the blanket he burns. Before Ben can even recover from the shock, he spies a wagon off the track.
EXT. HIGH DESERT – WAGON – DAY
The wagon belongs to the Smithmouth family. And everyone has been slaughtered. Enough of this. Ben turns back toward Ambition.
INT. JAIL CELL – DAY
Lauren mopes. Then Ben Wheeler offers to free her. He does, by accidentally tearing the wall of the jailhouse down.
EXT. HIGH DESERT – DAY
Lauren and Ben have to decide where to go. Lauren knows someone who’s wise. Also, she’s half Indian. She can track. But then realizes she’s hopeless at it.
EXT. HIGH DESERT – DAY
TE: Quitting the opium Part One Lauren tries to take some Laudanum. Ben catches her and gives her a choice. She chooses the drug. But she feels terrible after that and throws the rest of it away. (She’s got more hidden away.)
EXT. HIGH DESERT RIVER – DAY
Lauren cleans herself up. Sees her reflection. Taking a bit of pride in her appearance, trying to fix her self-esteem.
EXT. KATE BOGGINS HOME – DAY
She wants to throw in with the two, but Ben refuses. Lauren overrides him, showing her first glimmer of leadership.
Also, she says she knows where the posse is headed.
EXT. ANDERSSON HOMESTEAD – EVENING
The posse ride up. The place shows no sign of life. Or death for that matter. The blood we know should be there is gone. Jake decides they’ll stay there the night.
EXT. HIGH DESERT FOREST – EVENING
Placeholder: Boggins, Ben and interact, and Lauren and Ben clash, possibly with the beginning of a mutual respect.
Boggins says something about how she’s a survivor (SETUP)
INT. ANDERSSON HOMESTEAD – EVENING
The posse members are unwinding. Having a bit of drink.
Hints that they are not alone in the house. Something is in there with them. More for the audience than for the characters.
INT. ANDERSSON HOMESTEAD – NIGHT
SOunds outside. It’s Lauren and Ben and Kate. There’s a conflict. Jake is pissed that she’s there.
Placeholder: Conflict between Lauren and Dailey, who all but admits he shot Lauren’s mother. This might be too extreme.
INT. ANDERSSON HOMESTEAD – UPSTAIRS BEDROOM – NIGHT
TE: Quitting the opium Part Two
Lauren isn’t feeling well. Coming down off the opium. Tormented by guilt. She admits to Ben that it was she who killed Father Byrne. She tries to take some opium. Ben again catches her. But this time, she stops. Even though she’s a wreck. (She keeps it.)
INT. ANDERSSON HOMESTEAD – NIGHT
_Midpoint “Oh Shit” Moment_
Shit hits the fan. Someone notices _Calico is gone_ and goes outside to look for him. About twenty people are standing there. And they’re no longer human. People who used to live in Ambition are now monsters.
INT. ANDERSSON HOMESREAD – NIGHT
_The Big Fight_
The place swarms with vampires. The posse puts up a valiant fight. Lots of things happen:
TE: Lauren kills her first vampire.
Jake is bitten in the calf by a vampire.
A fire starts.
Deputy Daily is killed in a satisfying way?
Ben and Lauren escape out a back window and ride into the woods.
Everyone else is killed.
INT. ANDERSSON HOMESTEAD – NIGHT
Wounded, Jake faces a powerful vampire, not Cayatte (he’s not there). He’s about to die. The house is an inferno.
Someone kills the vampire. A wild man. He grabs Jake and drags him into a trap door, which slams shut as the house collapses into fiery ruin.
EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
Ben and Lauren are pursued through the woods. Lauren smacks a branch, goes down. Ben comes back to help her. They’re both tackled. But it’s not vampires. It’s Apaches. Lauren blacks out.
—- ACT THREE —-
EXT. APACHE CAMP – NIGHT
Lauren regains consciousness. She’s safe. And Ben is there!
But who’s this John Kelley guy?
EXT. APACHE CAMP – NIGHT
Story Time Part 1
Possibly drawn out in stages. Kelley and an Apache Medicine man explain who Jean Cayatte is.
Cayatte and Kelley have been fighting each other since the 1700s. He’s been imprisoned in a mine complex nearby for the past 100 years and some damn fool let him out.
Kelley himself is part of an organization called the Threshold, whose main purpose is fighting vampires.
He has cool weapons. He has knowledge. And he’ll take it from here.
EXT. APACHE CAMP – NIGHT
Story Time Part 2
The Apaches tell her who she is, according to their dreams. She’s called the Changing Woman, and according to them, will help them find the one who can sew up the night with the day.
Lauren interprets this to mean she’s not a chosen one, but that she knows who he is. (It’s gotta be Ben – set this up)
EXT. APACHE CAMP – NIGHT
TE: Blended in with these dark tales is Lauren’s detox. It’s finally hitting her, and it’s brutal. A literal long, dark night of the soul. The Apache Medicine Chief recognizes Lauren’s addiction and reminds her that the battle has to be won by her.
EXT. APACHE CAMP – DAWN
The Apaches tell her that her father is dead. She learns the truth about him.
EXT. APACHE CAMP – DAWN
Lauren realizes she has a say in how things should go, and convinces him to accept their help. And a new posse of seven is born.
EXT. APACHE CAMP
Placeholder: Kate Boggins rejoins the group, reminding them all, ‘she’s a survivor.’
EXT. APACHE CAMP – MORNING
Placeholder: Perhaps a lovely scene between Ben and Lauren. Attraction forming, but some mistrust and misplaced irritation.
EXT. APACHE CAMP – DAY
Kelley is leaving to face Cayatte on his own.
Lauren says no way, Juan. They’re coming with. A show of leadership. Kelley tells her she has no idea what she’s saying, but he grudgingly acquiesces.
EXT. HANGING VALLEY – DAY
John, Lauren, Ben and Kate are led by Calico and another Apache to a valley where they come to an old mine. The Apaches are forbidden to follow, so they leave them.
EXT. HANGING VALLEY – DAY
The Apaches talk about Lauren. She will find the Changing One, Calico says, but she will die.
EXT. MINE ENTRANCE – DAY
Kelley gives them a pep talk. Leave Cayatte to me. He’s too dangerous.
EXT. MINE ENTRANCE – DAY
Incredibly, Jake shows up, accompanied by a haggard man — ANDERSSON, the patriarch of the family that lived at the Homestead. He’s the man who saved Jake, and had been lurking in the crawlspace below his house. His sanity is in question.
EXT. MINE ENTRANCE – DAY
Jake is too far gone. But Kelley gives him a special substance that restores him a little ways back toward humanity. It won’t last, but it’ll do for now.
EXT. MINE ENTRANCE – EVENING
TE: Primer on Threshold weaponry. Lauren understands for the first time the power and ability of the Threshold.
The goal for the final stage is for them to simply get a crate — something Kelley calls an N.E.D. — into the mine and light a long fuse. Then get the hell out. It will eradicate the nest.
INT. BLACK MINE – NIGHT
The Seven enter and find themselves fighting nerves.
INT. BLACK MINE – NIGHT
Bats swarm. Incredibly intense. And when they clear, Lauren is gone. She has fallen into a crevice, most certainly to her death.
Conflict – Ben wants to go after her, but it’s clear that there’s no hope. And they don’t have time. It’s past sunset.
—- ACT FOUR —-
INT. BLACK MINE – NIGHT
They find an old working elevator and get on…
INT. BLACK MINE – CREVICE – NIGHT
Lauren’s death/rebirth in the depth of the mountain. She has some matches. And don’t forget the Button.
Lauren frees herself and falls into an underground river that takes her into…
INT. BLACK PALACE – NIGHT
On the shore of an underground lake, in the middle of a wild, Gothic wonderland.
INT. BLACK PALACE – NIGHT
Placeholder: A huge set of interconnecting scenes that leads Lauren into despair and hope. She meets someone she knows. She’s saved by Ben. They kiss. Kelley confronts Cayatte for the last time, and everyone fights a horde of vampires.
Everything goes to hell quickly. They succeed in defeating the vampires, but Cayatte is too strong, and makes quick work of them and their plan to destroy the nest and everything in it with the Threshold equivalent of a nuclear bomb.
Lauren sacrifices herself and saves Ben, expressing her love at last
Major turning point. She goes back, and the wild sequence of survival gives her one, last chance.
Lauren, trying to escape, is caught by Cayatte. They fight, but he bites her. The bomb goes off, blasting them out of the mountain, just before sunrise. Realizing he’s lost, Cayatte spares her life and allows the sun to destroy him.
Lauren is slowly transforming into a vampire and sitting on the mountainside, exposed to the sunlight. Three colleagues of the late John Kelley find her at the crucial time and work their magic, inducting her into the organization, telling her that her previous life is gone.
—- CODA —-
EXT. CONVALESCENT HOME – EVENING
50 years later, Lauren’s love interest, Ben, is on his death bed. Lauren visits him in his final moments, not having aged a day. She says goodbye.
-
LIAM’S TRANSFORMATIONAL EVENTS
It’s interesting to me that while I had a bunch of scenes in mind throughout the story, I didn’t have any real transformative qualities attached to any of them. Running through this exercise helped me consider the poles that are holding up the fabric of the transformation. Cool stuff.
LAUREN KILKENNY’S OLD WAYS
Numbing her pain and fear with opium
Ashamed of her Native American blood
Always looking outside to others for help
LAUREN KILKENNY’S NEW WAYS
Sober and clear-eyed
Proud of her heritage and finding a balance between the two halves
Accepting a role in leading others herself.Some steps along the way in her transformation, in pretty much chronological order:
See that there’s something out there that can balance the evil of the vampires
In Act I, the nuttiness that ensues that night, she sees John Kelley in action against Jean Cayatte.
Quit the drugs
In Acts I and II, especially as she nears the Homestead Conflict at the midpoint
Accept that vampires exist
Seeing the way WIL TUCKER is killed in the saloon, and realizes that the monsters are real.
Take some pride in her appearance (the logical upshot of gaining some self esteem)
Act II, as she and Ben are riding, she cleans herself up at a river, at first to put some cold water on her face, which burns from the withdrawals
Show the first hint of leadership
When KATE BOGGINS offers to help out and Ben refuses. Lauren overrides him and says absolutely.Admit that she killed Father Byrne, but didn’t bring on the plague
In Act Two, in conversation with Ben Wheeler.
Discover that she has strength and can hurt the vampires
In the Homestead Ambush scene, she tries out the wooden stake to the heart idea, and discovers it works.
Accept the Native American side of her life
After the Homestead Massacre, she’s told of the history of the Apaches and vampires, and is given a hint at who her father was.
Make a choice about her own fate and not depend on someone else
After the midpoint, she tells Kelley that he’s not going to fight Cayatte alone, and the others follow her lead.
Learn the ways of the Threshold
At the entrance to the mine, in Act III, when John Kelley gives her a primer on the weapons of the Threshold.
Choose to sacrifice her own life and become the ultimate expression of a hero
In the battle at the end, when all is lost and they’re trying to run away, she realizes that she has an opportunity to go back and light that fuse, sacrificing herself but destroying Cayatte and the vampires.
Commit to the fight, both in the immediate and in a long-term way.
Conrad Parsons’ thunderous speech in the wake of his daughter’s disappearance inspires her to join the posse. Or try to.
-
Will’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
Today, I discovered that the first act, which I’m having so much trouble with (oddly, it’s not the middle) can be whittled to a couple basic beats, and that clarity helps me push past the roadblock I’ve been kicking at.
BLOOD & DUST
CONCEPT
At the end of the great Western era, the small town of Ambition, Arizona finds itself beset by vampires, and their hopes of defeating them falls almost entirely upon one young woman, a drug-addled outcast named Lauren Kilkenny.MAIN CONFLICT
Lauren embarks on a journey (along with six others) to rescue a young woman kidnapped by an old, wicked vampire named Jean Cayatte.OLD WAYS
- Numbing her pain and fear with opium
- Ashamed of her Native American blood
- Always looking outside to others for help
NEW WAYS
- Sober and clear-eyed
- Proud of her heritage and finding a balance between the two halves
- Accepting a role in leading others herself.
—–ACT ONE—–
Opening
LAUREN is living the life of an outcast in her town, which is plagued by people going missing, and spends much of her time in an opium haze, keeping a low profile.Inciting Incident
When a Chiricahua APACHE sees the flaw in Lauren’s eyes, he tells her she needs to come with him to meet their chief. That she’s special. She, of course, refuses.Turning Point
JEAN CAYATTE attacks the town and takes the daughter of the town’s new pastor.—–ACT TWO—–
New plan
The townsfolk put together a large, bad-ass posse on a hunt for this mysterious Jean Cayatte.Plan in action
The posse rides, splintered at first by disorganization and tension. But eventually they reach a homestead whose prominent tenants have gone mysteriously quiet. Lauren teams up with eventual love interest, BEN.Midpoint Turning Point
The posse are attacked in the homestead, not by Cayatte, but by a swarm of vampires they didn’t even know existed, many of them people who had gone missing from Ambition. The posse is wiped out, save for one or two resourceful (lucky) folks.—–ACT THREE—–
Rethink everything
Having barely escaped with their lives, Lauren and two other posse members are rescued by Apaches, who take them into the mountains to meet the chief and a strange man named JOHN KELLEY. He has cool weapons. He has knowledge. And he’ll take it from here. Lauren realizes she has a say in how things should go, and convinces him to accept their help. And a new posse of seven is born.New plan
They enter the old copper mine where Cayatte is holed up, looking for Sarah and hoping she’s still alive. They find a weird, gothic nest carved from the stone cave – a central knot of dozens of vampires. And they find Sarah, but she’s well on her way to becoming a mindless eating machine.Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Everything goes to hell quickly. They succeed in defeating the vampires, but Cayatte is too strong, and makes quick work of them and their plan to destroy the nest and everything in it with the Threshold equivalent of a nuclear bomb.—–ACT FOUR—–
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Lauren, trying to escape, is caught by Cayatte. They fight, but he bites her. The bomb goes off, blasting them out of the mountain, just before sunrise. Realizing he’s lost, Cayatte spares her life and allows the sun to destroy him.Resolution
Lauren is slowly transforming into a vampire and sitting on the mountainside, exposed to the sunlight. Three colleagues of the late John Kelley find her at the crucial time and work their magic, inducting her into the organization, telling her that her previous life is gone.Coda
50 years later, Lauren’s love interest, Ben, is on his death bed. Lauren visits him in his final moments, not having aged a day. -
WILL’S CHARACTER INTERVIEWS
I love this stuff. I always learn when I dig into their psyches and just let them talk. At first, as always, it was incredibly difficult, and then it just flowed. And I have to relearn that process every single time.QUESTIONS FOR LAUREN
Tell me about yourself.
I’m washed up at 17. I’m a girl who used to love her town, and had a strong, wonderful mother. But I had enough. My father left when I was very young. My mother tried to make do, and asked for help from Father Byrne. He tried to rape her. I shot him dead. I killed a man of God. And demons have been set upon our town in punishment. Or at least that’s what everyone thinks. Me? I’m not sure. But I know that whatever it is lives and breathes like everyone else. At least I think they do.
Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?
Because some damn fool thinks this mark in my eye means something, that I’m important somehow. But what does all this have to do with me? If you were to ask my mother, it’s because I have the blood of her ancestors in my veins. She might have known something, but she never told me.You are up against Jean Cayatte, one of the most sadistic vampires around. What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you?
I don’t know how to fight him. I don’t even know what he is. In fact, when I get to thinking about him, my blood goes cold. Wait, hang on one moment… <fumbles in a pocket>
I need you sober for this, Lauren.
All right, all right. Then let’s wrap it up. I have places to go. And people to hide from.In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?
I have to sober up. That’s going to be a stampede of good times. I also will have to stop looking to others for help. It’s all inside me. That’s what my mother said. And I guess it’s true. Right now I’m looking for a hero to help get us out of this. I thought that hero might be Wil Tucker. But there’s someone after Wil, and I think that he might be THE ONE. (It’s not me.)What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?
Seriously?Oh, right. You’ve got a drug problem.
Out of everything, it might not be the hardest thing to handle. Guilt might be a bit harder. Did I bring this shit on my town? I think I may have. And if you ask me, that’s why I’m raiding Doc Jenkins’s medicine cabinet.What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?
I’m not worth anything. Especially now. I don’t have what it takes to get what I want. And I’m scared of enclosed spaces. Mostly, it’s just that the solution of my problems lies with me. And I’ve never understood that.What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?
I’m strong and I’m quick and I’m bright. And I’m CONSTANTLY underestimated. Just that “weirdo half-breed girl,” as they call me. I get in close and I can strike. But yeah, I’ve got to kick the sauce. And I will, in spectacular fashion.What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?
That my mother wasn’t the one who killed Father Byrne. It was me. I killed him, for hurting my mother. If they found out, they’d hang me. They already want to do that.What do you think of Jean Cayatte?
Creepy. In truth, he’s terrifying. But really cool hair.Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.
We were on the verge, Ambition was. As a town. As much as I hate where I am now, I grew up loving the place. It’s beautiful. And then people began to die. We never saw who or what was doing it. Well up to now. You’re talking to me just before the massacre at the Fool’s Gold Saloon, but we’ll finally get a good look at this guy. I need someone to teach me some stuff about them. Can you do that?In a way, I guess I will be. But no. Not now.
Fair enough.What does it do for your life if you succeed here?
Nothing will ever be the same. In order to truly succeed, I’m going to need to die and then come back to the Threshold, as they call it. That boundary between Dark and Light. Ekta.What’s “Ekta”?
Not sure yet. Do some more research and I’ll tell ya.You ready to have the shit kicked out of you by everyone and everything for two hours?
Get out of my sight. And give me my Laudanum.
QUESTIONS FOR JEAN CAYATTE
Tell me about yourself.
I’m going to eat your soul.Ha-ha, no, seriously.
<silent glare through yellow-tinted eyes> I’m older than this country of yours. Twice as old. I was born in the filthy countryside of France during the Black Death, sliding out onto a filthy mattress as my mother expired. My father tried to raise me, but the poor man also caught the sickness and expired in a mess of filth and prayer. I wasn’t even a full man when Sandrine found me. She turned me into what I am, and we ravaged the world for a century together. Also, I like the violin.Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?
I am simply stronger and smarter and better at everything. Even better than those mewling, pathetic swogs who call themselves the Threshold. They’re chaotic. I’m… well, I’m just better. And I have an advantage.What’s that?
I’m insane.Some would call that a disadvantage.
Next question. Or I’ll tear out your throat with my back teeth.Uh, okay. Why are you committed to making Lauren fail?
Who’s Lauren? I’m more interested in that simp, John Kelley. Can’t believe he’s still around after almost ten decades. Yeah, it’s all about the failure. I want them to fail. I want them to die. Because my survival depends on it. He put me in this prison, where I sat for almost 100 years. Him and those savages. I can’t be imprisoned again. I’ve seen to it. And I’ve got projects to finish.What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?
The chance to reclaim what I lost – Sandrine. I’ll learn that she didn’t die in that burning church 150 years ago. Somehow she survived. And then lost her life to that grease-gummed silver-head man, John Kelley. But I have a plan. That Sarah girl, the one I took from the saloon that night? Or rather, WILL take when I storm the place – she may as well be the reincarnation of Sandrine. I can take her and mold her into the very duplicate of Sandrine.What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?
Vengeance. Thirst. And the chance to reclaim Sandrine by turning Sarah into one of my kind. Really, with the right touch of powder and a bit of rouge, she’ll look the part.What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity?
That’s the secret itself. That’s it. If that dog Kelley finds out that everything I hope for lies in turning that girl, he’ll just take her back or kill her or worse. And the secret? I think I’m failing. Sarah’s mind is weak. It’s unable to survive the transformation. She’ll be a mindless hunger machine like the rest of them. And that makes me very… not sad. More passionately violent.Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?
There are no other people like me. But since we’re making comparisons, look at you. Then look at me. Between the two of us, who’d win in a blood-drinking duel? I don’t sound much like my character, I know, but since you only exist in my head, that makes me insane. Which actually IS in character, so there.
What do you think of Lauren?
Not much, I’m afraid. She does knock me for a loop on that battle in the saloon, but I couldn’t care less. She’s a gnat. She’s a withered petal in the sun. She’s… I can’t even remember who we’re talking about now. Oh, the half-breed. I’ll come to respect her. But I don’t think she’s a threat. Is that going to bite me in the ass later? Sure.Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.
After Sandrine’s death, I wanted to be alone. I left Europe and came out here where the sun is so blasted bright, but the Threshold were mercifully scarce. Then the Threshold found out I was here and teamed up with those filthy savages. They sealed me in this old copper mine and left me to rot, because they knew they couldn’t kill me. Thanks to greed and fading memories, someone opened up this mine one day. I drank him dry before he hit the earth. And now I’m building my own little private army in order to gain back some of what I once was. Everything was going fine. Then I saw HER. That Sarah Parsons in the saloon. So much like my Sandrine. <shrugs> I took a her and now they want her back for some reason. But trust me… she ain’t all that.GO AWAY NOW.
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Will’s Character Profile, Part Deux
What I learned this time around was simply that, when dropped side by side, my protagonist and antagonist don’t have much in common, and I’d like for them to be a bit more intertwined, at least thematically.
LAUREN KILKENNY
What draws us to this character? Lauren is a pathetic and hapless figure at the beginning, who, when shown a little kindness, embarks on a personal quest for redemption. We want to know how she’s going to go from a splintered mess to a unifying hero.
Traits: Clever, Persistent, Guilt-ridden, Righteous, a Drug Addict
Subtext: Her Native American blood, which she’s been taught is a liability, is really a strength, and while she’s defensive of it and outwardly ashamed, deep inside she senses its importance.
Flaw: Her hot-headed impulsiveness. It’s what lands her in the town jail when everyone else heads off on the rescue mission.
Values: Being true to one’s self. Belief in sacrifice. But deep down in side, she craves love and acceptance, particularly the simple joy of finding a partner and living a simple home life. Much like her mother and father once had before he wandered off.
Irony: The harder she fights against her role in the prophecy, the more she fulfills it. She decides that by being reckless and confronting Cayatte head on, she can prove that she’s not the hero people are telling her she is.
What makes this the right character for this role? It’s literally about her journey from being a half-breed addict to a half-vampire army of one. The story IS her.
JEAN CAYATTE
What draws us to this character? He’s deliciously evil, a monster who trafficks in pain, but who craves what he thinks I love, something he can never have. He’s way stronger than any individual in the magnificent posse, so it’s hard to imagine how they might come out victorious.
Traits: Articulate, Wise, Sadistic, Insane
Subtext: His sadism comes from a cavernous hollow at the center of his being, his longing for the woman who created him, and who he thinks he can recreate in Sarah Parsons.
Flaw: He recognizes the importance of love, which is a liability when you’re trying to terrorize people.
Values: He values beauty, loyalty, strength, and admires that in others.
Irony: He does all this stuff because he wants love, but he himself is utterly incapable of it.
What makes this the right character for this role? He’s a depraved monster without a shred of conscience, whose hundred years’ imprisonment has pushed him over the mental edge. I’d like to sort out why he’s the perfect antagonist for Lauren, so I’ll brainstorm some of the ways in which they can help each other out.
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WILL’S CHARACTER PROFILES Part 1
As always, I’m discovering that by carefully mapping out some details, I’m discovering little gems of character I hadn’t thought of before, particularly in the antagonist character.
2. LAUREN KILKENNY
Protagonist. Fighter. She won’t start out that way. A theme of the story is finding balance—between light and dark, monster and hero, hope and despair. As she finds her way, prodded by people and events, she slowly learns to take control, and by the end, is accepted into the ranks of an order of warriors who fight vampires.
3. JEAN CAYATTE
Antagonist. Predator. Simply put, he’s a monster, driven mad by a century of imprisonment in a mountain, but who still feels a desire for companionship, and thinks he can recreate an old passion using a new victim. But mostly, he wants to just kill and eat.
4. Supporting characters:
Mentor – John Kelley, a member of a steampunk order called the Threshold, who knows all about the villain and his type, and who has a long history of tangling with Cayatte
Companion #1 – Ben Wheeler, a mercenary who takes an interest in Lauren that grows from pity to respect to love.
Companion #2 – Kate Boggins, a reclusive hermit and ex-slave who just wants to punch things in the face
Companion #3 – Jake Thorne, town sheriff, who once loved Lauren’s mother, and protects Lauren under the guise of being a pain in her ass
Companion #4 – Patriarch of the Andersson clan, whose family is butchered in the opening moments
Companion #5 – Calico, the Apache who believes Lauren is the embodiment of an Apache legend
Minor roles:
Sarah Parsons – the new pastor’s daughter, whose abduction by Cayatte on her first night in town kicks off a quest to get her back before it’s too late.
Background characters:
Posse members, men who ride out with Sheriff Thorne, not knowing they’re soon to be vampire fodder.
5. Pick your genre.
Horror / Western
6. Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.
LAUREN KILKENNY
Role in the story: Protagonist – Warrior. An outcast in the bustling western town of Ambition, reviled for her role in the death of the town priest, an event which most believe caused a scourge of deaths and demon sightings in the area.
Age range and Description: Seventeen, with pale skin and jet-black hair, she’s part Apache, part Irish and part opium addict. She has a flaw in one iris, a splash of gold, that catches the sun.
Internal Journey: From a self-pitying outcast to a confident woman who has the strength to assume enormous responsibility.
External Journey: From drug-addled loner to a leader in the fight against vampires.
Motivation: Atone for her mother’s sin (who murdered the town’s old pastor) by saving the daughter of the new pastor, especially because Sarah was kind to her.
Wound: She believes that by murdering the pastor (who was a genuinely corrupt man) she caused her own mother to be murdered when she assumed the blame for the man’s death.
Mission/Agenda: To join the posse riding out in search of Sarah Parsons, but truly to find her own purpose, whatever it might be.
Secret: It was really her who killed the pastor, who was trying to rape her mother. Her mother protected her by taking the blame, and was murdered herself as a result.
What makes her special? Her transformation has been foretold in Apache myth, and eventually she comes to accept her role as a leader in a fight against evil.
JEAN CAYATTE
Role in the story: Antagonist, predator.
Age range and Description: Honestly, it’s hard to tell by lookin’ at him. He was born in the 1600s, but he can look however old he wants. His true form is hideous indeed.
Internal Journey: He begins the story thinking he can recreate a lost love by corrupting a young woman who looks like her, to realizing that maybe he’s just a bit too soulless to pull it off.
External Journey: From demon in complete control of his powers to accepting his damnation by facing a sunrise.
Motivation: He’s got a Pygmalion complex, thinking he can turn a young woman into a suitable companion for him. And simply causing chaos and destroying everything in his path.
Wound: His female companion was slain by the Threshold shortly before he himself was imprisoned in an old mine for a century, and he suffered the entire time not realizing she was alive and searching for him.
Mission/Agenda: To kill everyone who comes up against him, while trying to twist the hapless Sarah Parsons into a vampiric mate.
Secret: Not sure yet!
What makes them special? He’s a centuries’-old vampire with a grudge
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Will’s Transformational Journey
What I learned… As often happens, it’s worthwhile to try and distill just a couple basic waypoints in a character’s journey, and the more disparate they are, the more inherently compelling I find the arc.
LAUREN KILKENNY is seventeen and an outcast in Ambition, Arizona; born to an Irish father and a Navajo mother, who spends much of her time in a Laudanum stupor, unaware of her role in a fight against a centuries’-old evil.
INTERNAL JOURNEY: From a self-pitying outcast to a confident woman who has the strength to assume an enormous responsibility.
EXTERNAL JOURNEY: From drug-addled loner to a leader in the fight against evil.
OLD WAYS
- Numbing her pain and fear with opium
- Ashamed of her Navajo blood
- Always looking outside to others for help
NEW WAYS
- Sober and clear-eyed
- Proud of her heritage and finding a balance between the two halves
- Accepting a role in leading others herself
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Will Keightley
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi, there! My name is Will, and I’m a perfectionist…
I wasn’t always a perfectionist, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found it harder and harder to sit down and write, and it was a complete mystery to me as to why. A couple years ago I figured it out, and I’m on a mission to reclaim the fearlessness with which I wrote a couple decades ago.
I’ve written about a dozen scripts, sold one, optioned two, but nothing produced. I was in the WGAw for a few years, but that was a long time ago.
I believe that when it comes to page one drafts, the key is quantity over quality. But putting that into practice? Not so easy for me. So that’s what this class is for.
I have a teeny, tiny dog named Jinx, who has the most probing gaze of any animal I’ve met.