[William Whelan]

I agree to the terms of this release form.
William Whelan

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Query Letter Revision #1
Dear (producer name),
Imagine if Eliza Doolittle was a mafia princess, who navigates family intrigues, dodges bullets, and survives betrayal, while trying to become a sophisticated lady.
I am excited to introduce you to my RomCom/Thriller screenplay, Lady Wiseguy. This unique story blends the charm of Pygmalion with the grit of Goodfellas, and a touch of Thelma and Louise.
Lady Wiseguy follows the journey of Liza, a determined mafia princess who dreams of breaking free from her criminal family to become an actor and a genteel woman. Liza’s path is anything but trouble-free. She faces the death of her father, her brother’s incarceration, betrayal by her best friend, an attempted rape, as well as a hit ordered on her life by a rival family member. Amidst this chaos, she also grapples with humiliation, rejection, and unrequited love. Despite these challenges, Liza’s relentless spirit leads her towards an opportunity to achieve her dreams.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
William Whelan
Contact information

[William Whelan]

Hi Rebecca,
I think your query letter works great with your intro hooks are very effective. I also liked your revision of the plot synopsis – it flows much better and held my interest throughout versus the prior iteration. Good work.
Best,
Bill Whelan

[William Whelan]

Hi Rebecca,
Thanks for your very helpful comments, it certainly energizes my query letter. You certainly have a talent for creating hooks and I will incorporate many of your suggestions into my revision. Also, I will read your query letter revision over the weekend and send my comments by Monday.
Best,
Bill Whelan

[William Whelan]

William Whelan — Query Letter Draft 1
What I learned doing this assignment is to write a first draft of my query letter.
Dear Producer
My name is William Whelan, and I have written a RomCom/Thriller screenplay titled Lady Wiseguy. It is the story of Liza, a mafia princess, who wishes to break with the family and pursue her dream of becoming an actor and sophisticated lady. Lady Wiseguy is Pygmalion meets Goodfellas with a dash of Thelma and Louise. During her journey Liza will experience: the death of her father, incarceration of her brother, betrayal by her best friend, an attempted rape, a contract being put out on her life by a rival family member, and unrequited love before finally achieving an opportunity to realize her dream. I would appreciate the opportunity to send you my screenplay at your earliest convenience since I think it is a good fit for your production company.
Yours truly,
William Whelan
860884 2081
wmwhelan99 2gmail.com

[William Whelan]

William Whelan Target Market
What I learned doing this assignment is to use IMDBpro to target 50 -100 producers.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Target Market
What I learned doing this assignment is target producers in my market.
Title: Lady Wiseguy
Logline: Mafia princess breaks with the family to follow her dream of being an actor and sophisticated lady.
Genre: RomCom/Thriller
1. Make a list of five or more movies that are similar to yours
• “Miss Congeniality” (2000)
• Plot: Gracie Hart, an unpolished FBI agent, goes undercover as a beauty pageant contestant to prevent a terrorist attack, undergoing a significant makeover in the process.
• Similarity: The protagonist’s transformation into a more refined version of herself, combined with comedic elements and an underlying romantic subplot, resonates with the themes in “Lady Wiseguy.”
• “The Princess Diaries” (2001)
• Plot: Mia Thermopolis, a socially awkward teenager, discovers she is the heir to the throne of Genovia and undergoes a dramatic transformation to prepare for royal duties.
• Similarity: The journey from an ordinary life to a world of sophistication and high society parallels Liza’s transformation from a mafia princess to a refined lady.
• “She’s All That” (1999)
• Plot: High school jock Zack Siler bets he can turn any girl into the prom queen, choosing the awkward Laney Boggs as his subject, only to fall for her during the process.
• Similarity: The makeover plot and the romantic development between two seemingly mismatched individuals align closely with the transformation and romantic elements in “Lady Wiseguy.”
• “Crazy Rich Asians” (2018)
• Plot: Rachel Chu, an American-born Chinese economics professor, travels to Singapore with her boyfriend and discovers he belongs to one of the country’s wealthiest families, navigating high society and familial expectations.
• Similarity: The clash between different cultural and social worlds, along with navigating complex family dynamics and romantic challenges, echoes the themes in “Lady Wiseguy.”
The Intern” (2015)
• Plot: Ben Whittaker, a 70-year-old widower, becomes a senior intern at an online fashion retailer, where he forms an unlikely friendship with the company’s young CEO, Jules Ostin, helping her navigate personal and professional challenges.
• Similarity: The film explores mentorship, transformation, and the blend of different worlds (age and experience vs. youth and modern business), resonating with the mentorship and refinement themes in “Lady Wiseguy

• Liza 5 Actors:
• Florence Pugh – Known for her versatility and strong presence, she can portray a range of emotions and depth, making her a great fit for Liza’s journey.
• Saoirse Ronan – With her exceptional acting skills and ability to convey both vulnerability and strength, she would excel in the role of a determined mafia princess.
• Zendaya – Bringing charisma and a modern edge, Zendaya can seamlessly transition between the tough and refined aspects of Liza’s character.
• Anya Taylor-Joy – Her unique screen presence and expressive acting would add layers to Liza’s transformation from mafia roots to a sophisticated lady.
• Hailee Steinfeld – With her talent for balancing drama and comedy, she could capture Liza’s spirit and the nuances of her challenging yet comedic journey.
Professor Shaw 5 Actors:
• Colin Firth – With his refined demeanor and extensive experience in playing sophisticated, intellectual characters, Firth would be perfect as the cultured professor guiding Liza.
• Stanley Tucci – Known for his charisma and versatility, Tucci can infuse the character with both gravitas and a touch of humor, making the professor a compelling figure.
• Ralph Fiennes – His commanding presence and ability to convey both warmth and sternness would make him an excellent choice for the role of Professor Shaw.
• Mark Rylance – With his nuanced performances and gentle, authoritative presence, Rylance would bring a unique depth to the character of the mentor.
• Ben Kingsley – Kingsley’s distinguished career and ability to portray complex characters would add a layer of sophistication and wisdom to Professor Shaw.
Big Dom 5 Actors:
• Robert De Niro – A legendary actor with extensive experience in mafia roles, De Niro can portray both the hard exterior and the tender fatherly side of Big Dom.
• Frank Grillo – Known for his rugged roles and intense performances, Grillo can bring a gritty and authentic presence to the character.
• Mark Ruffalo – Ruffalo’s ability to convey deep emotional complexity and his versatile acting range make him a compelling choice for Big Dom.
• Jon Bernthal – With his tough-guy persona and strong screen presence, Bernthal can effectively portray the protective and formidable father figure.
• Liev Schreiber – Schreiber’s commanding presence and ability to convey both menace and warmth would make him an excellent Big Dom.
Vito Rucci 5 Actors:
• Oscar Isaac – With his versatile acting skills and ability to portray complex characters, Isaac would bring a captivating presence to Vito.
• Pedro Pascal – Known for his charismatic and powerful performances, Pascal could embody Vito with a blend of charm and menace.
• Michael Fassbender – Fassbender’s intense screen presence and range make him an excellent choice for a multifaceted character like Vito.
• Tom Hardy – With his rugged looks and ability to convey both physicality and emotional depth, Hardy would be a compelling Vito.
• Mahershala Ali – Ali’s commanding presence and nuanced performances would add significant depth and gravitas to the character of Vito.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Phone Pitch
What I learned from this lesson is to formulate a phone pitch.

1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:
• Lead with credibility. Certificate in Screenwriting from UCLA
• Lead with a great title. Lady Wiseguy
• Lead with a strong business hook. Lady Wiseguy is Pygmalion meets Goodfellas with a dash of Thelma and Louise.
• Lead with a High Concept. Liza, a mafia princess, who wishes to break with the family and pursue her dream of becoming an actor and sophisticated lady.
2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.
• Hello, my name is William Whelan, and I have written a RomCom/Thriller screenplay titled Lady Wiseguy. It is the story of Liza, a mafia princess, who wishes to break with the family and pursue her dream of becoming an actor and sophisticated lady. Lady Wiseguy is Pygmalion meets Goodfellas with a dash of Thelma and Louise. I would appreciate the opportunity to pitch you my screenplay at your earliest convenience since I think it is a good fit for your production company.
3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:
• What’s the budget range? Low budget $500,000 to 5 million dollars.
• Who do you see in the main roles? Liza – Hailee Steinfeld; Professor Shaw – Hugh Grant; Big Dom – Robert DeNiro; Vito – Tom Hardy
• How many pages is the script? 100
• Who else has seen this? No one.
• Why do you think this fits our company? You do RomComs as well as Thrillers.
• How does the movie end? Liza flees Brooklyn after Vito puts a contract out on her and reconnects with Professor Shaw in Cambridge, England.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan: Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned is formulate a pitch for a Pitch Fest/
1. Tell us your credibility. Certificate in Screenwriting from UCLA
2. Tell us your genre and title. RomCom/Thriller; Lady WiseGuy
3. What is your one or two sentence hook? How does a Mafia Princess break with the family to become a sophisticated lady when the family pushes back with a vengeance,
4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:
• What is the budget range? Low budget: $500k to $5 million
• What actors do you like for the lead roles? Liza – Hailee Steinfeld; Professor Shaw – Hugh Grant; Big Dom – Robert DeNiro; Vito – Tom Hardy
• Give me the acts of the story.
Act 1 – Liza meets Professor Shaw and decides to pursue her dream of becoming an actress and sophisticated lady despite push back from her mafia family.
Act 2 – Big Dom dies, and Liza must take over the running of the family business until her brother Dom gets out of prison.
Act 3 – Liza shots Vito, an underboss, during an attempted rape setting off a internecine battle for control of the family business.
Act 4 – Vito puts a contract out on Liza, and she must go on the run to save her life.
• How does it end? (setup / payoff). Liza decides to leave Brooklyn and go on the run; Liza reconnects with Professor Shaw in Cambridge.
• Credibility questions What have you done? Have written several one act plays which have been performed off, off Broadway.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is how to write a query letter.
How does a Mafia Princess break with the family to become a sophisticated lady when the family pushes back with a vengeance,
Liza, a mafia princess, who desires to be an actor and sophisticated lady has a chance meeting with Professor Shaw and decides to enroll in his theater acting class. Her mafia boss father, Big Dom, pushes back, and Liza must decide whether to break with her family or give up her dream. When Big Dom unexpectedly dies, Loza must put her dream on hold and fight an underboss, Vito, for control of the family until her brother gets out of prison. After she shoots Vito during an attempted rape, a battle with rival factions of the family ensues culminating with Liza’s car being firebombed. Liza must go on the run to survive and while hiding out in Brooklyn is pursued by Vito’s rival faction. Liza, with a contract on her head, eludes a hitman and concludes her only escape is to leave the country and heads to JFK with her destination to be determined.
BIO:I have a Certificate in Screenwriting from UCLA and a certificate In Advance Playwriting from the National Theater Institute, Eugene O’Neil Theater which I attended I Spring 2022/
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.”
William Whelan
wmwhelan99@gmail .com
8608842081
1226 East Ash Road, Plymouth VY 05056

[William Whelan]

William Whelan — High concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is to formulate my High concept and Elevator Pitch.
High Concept: How does a Mafia Princess break with the family to become a sophisticated lady when the family pushes back with a vengeance,
Elevator Pitch: My screenplay is Pygmalion meets Goodfellas with a dash of Thelma and Louise.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Synopsis Hooks
“What I learned doing this assignment is to write a synopsis with hooks.”
Liza, a mafia princess, who desires to be an actor and sophisticated lady has a chance meeting with Professor Shaw and decides to enroll in his theater acting class. Her mafia boss father, Big Dom, pushes back, and Liza must decide whether to break with her family or give up her dream. When Big Dom unexpectedly dies, Loza must put her dream on hold and fight an underboss, Vito, for control of the family until her brother gets out of prison. After she shoots Vito during an attempted rape, a battle with rival factions of the family ensues culminating with Liza’s car being firebombed. Liza must go on the run to survive and while hiding out in Brooklyn is pursued by Vito’s rival faction. Liza, with a contract on her head, eludes a hitman and concludes her only escape is to leave the country and heads to JFK with her destination to be determined. .

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – 10 Most Interesting Things
• A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
Protagonist – Mafia princess who desires to break with the family and become a sophisticated lady.
Antagonist – loyal underboss who turns on the family and attempts to take it over.
• B. Major hook of your opening scene?
When young Liza observes her father torturing a police informer it scars her for life and turns her off to the family’s violent way of life.
• C. Any turning points?
!. Liza decides to take an acting class with Professor Shaw.
2. After her father’s death Liza decides to quit the lessons from Professor Shaw and take over as head of the family.
3. After her car is firebombed Liza decides to go on the run.
• . Emotional dilemma
When Liza’s car is firebombed, she must decide to leave Brooklyn and go on the run leaving friends and family behind.
• E. Major twists
1. Liza shoots Vito after an attempted rape.
2, Professor Shaw decides to return to England after he helps Liza dispose of Vito’s body,
• F. Reversals – Vito survives the shooting and puts a contract out on Liza.
• G. Character betrayals – Izzy betrays Liza and informs Vito of Liza’s whereabouts.
• H. Or any big surprises – Big Dom dying, Vito being shot, Liza’s car being firebombed, Izzy betraying Liza.
.4.“What I learned doing this assignment is to identify the 10 Most Interesting things in my script.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan Producer/Manager
1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
I would inform the producer that I would welcome his suggestions and recommendations and would be amenable to make any changes to the script he felt necessary.
2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?
I would inform the manager that I would welcome any suggestions and recommendations by him or a producer and would be amenable to make any changes to the script they felt necessary.
3. Answer the question “What I learned today is how to positively interact with producers and managers.

[William Whelan]

William Whalen – Marketable components
1. LOGLINE: Mafia princess wants to break with the family and become a sophisticated lady but the family pushes back attempting to thwart her attempts to go her own way.
2.
A. Unique – No other movie combines the world of the Mafia and the Pygmalion myth.
B. Great Title – Lady Wiseguy conveys the essence of the story.
3. Pitch: Lady Wiseguy combines America’s fascination with the world of the Mafia with the beloved makeover myth of Pygmalion for a story that is both Romcom and Thriller.
4. What I learned doing this assignment is to formulate marketable components for my screenplay.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan, Lady Wiseguy, Streaming Platforms
1.) RomCom/Thriller; Lady Wiseguy; A Mafia Princess desires to break with the family and pursue her dream of becoming a sophisticated lady.
2.) Lady Wiseguy combines America’s fascination with the mafia and a classic makeover story and the element of female empowerment. Lade Wiseguy is Goodfellas meets Pygmalion with a dash of Thelma and Louise.
3.) I would target first producers associated with the streaming platforms since I feel they are the venues with the audience and budgets best suited to my project. 4.
What I learned today is to identify my target intermediaries and audience.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan
I agree to the terms of this release form
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[William Whelan]

I am ready to exchange outline for feedback. wmwhelan99@gmail.com

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Stacking Intrigue

What I learned from doing this assignment is to stack intrigue in my screenplay

Scene arc: Walk in park where Chief explains what the protection for the president should have entailed, what actually was the protection and both men sit on a park bench and chief explains his theory of what happened and why/

Situation: Two men discuss JFK assignation in a park.

Conflict: Cover up of assassination vs. what happened.

Moving the story forward: The Chief tells Jim Garrison his theory on the assignation.

Entertainment value: Suspense and revelations of the Chiefs story.

Setups/payoffs: Actual events; Chief’s theory.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Character Profile in Dialogue.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to reveal character in dialogue in my screenplay

Scene arc: Father approaches Molly on park bench, father says he’s there as a therapist, Molly goes to leave but father insists she remain, father confesses to his infidelity, reconciliation between father and daughter.

Situation: Meeting between father and daughter in park.

Conflict: Father/daughter

Entertainment value: The suspense of the confrontation and then the healing/reconciliation process.

Moving the story forward: Confrontation, confession, healing reconciliation.

Setup/payoffs: Father appears to be therapist; father also needs therapy.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Attack/Counterattack

What I learned from doing this assignment is to make scenes of my screenplay fascinating by Attack/Counterattack in my dialogue.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Stacking Intrigue

What I learned from doing this assignment is to make scenes of my screenplay fascinating by Stacking Intrigue.

Scene arc: Horsemen travel through tunnel, leave the fortress, travel through woods. One horseman goes solo, see smoke, finds frozen people massacred laid out in ritual pattern.

Situation: Reconnaissance mission

Conflict: Civilized people vs. savages

Moving the story forward: Suspense of what the horseman will find.

Entertainment value: Intense suspense.

Setups/payoffs: Horseman reconnaissance mission; find massacre.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Visual reveals

What I learned from doing this assignment is to make scenes of my screenplay fascinating using visual reveals.

Scene arc: Speeding camper runs over pants, camper crashes, Walter escapes from camper, police sirens heard in distance, Walter gives video confession.

Situation: Walter trying to escape from police in chem lab camper.

Conflict: Escape vs. capture.

Entertainment value: Constant action and suspense.

Moving the story forward: Suspense of what will be Walter’s fate.

Setup/payoffs: Walter is trying to escape; Walter gives video confession.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Twists – The Matrix

What I learned from doing this assignment is to add a twist scene to my screenplay.

Scene arc: Interrogation of Mr. Anderson, he asks to make his phone call, torture of Mr. Anderson, it’s all a dream.

Situation: Interrogation of Mr. Anderson.

Conflict: Government vs. Mr. Anderson.

Entertainment value: Constant suspense, twist at the end.

Moving the story forward: Suspense of what the government will do to Mr. Anderson.

Setup/payoffs Torture; Dream

What makes this scene great? Twist at the end.

How the twist was set up: Gluing of Mr. Anderson’s mouth together without any hands on action by the interrogators gave the vibe of a dream

What happened after the twist. Phone rings.

How the twist changed the direction and meaning of the scene. Mr. Anderson is back to reality, and he has a deep-seated fear of being caught by the government.

Interesting action and dialogue. “One life has a future the other doesn’t” “I give you the finger and you give me my phone call”.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Suspense – Jaws

What I learned from doing this assignment is to add suspense to my screenplay.

Scene arc: Crew is complacent, Brodey sees shark, crew goes into shark hunt mode, Flint puts a barrel into shark, crew waits for shark to return.

Situation: Crew hunting killer shark in a boat.

Conflict: Man vs. shark,

Entertainment value: Constant suspense, action, and conflict between crew members.

Moving the story forward: hunt for the killer shark.

Setup/payoffs: Crew out hunting for killer shark, they find the shark and he is much bigger than they imagined.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Scene Requirements

What I learned from doing this assignment is to add scene requirements to my screenplay.

ACT 1

Scene 1

INT. LIZA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Liza, six years old, is awakened by screams and goes looking for the source of the screams.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Protag/Antag relationship.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to increase my protag/antag conflict.

· Scene arc: Batman starts interrogation, Joker attempts to get him on his side, Batman rejects the Jokers ploy.

· Situation: Interrogation of the Joker.

· Conflict: Batman vs. Joker

· Entertainment value: Constant action,

· Moving the story forward: Interrogation.

· Setup/payoffs: Joker tries to win over the batman to his side; Batman rejects the Joker’s gambit.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Character Reveal

What I learned from doing this assignment is to reveal character through action in my screenplay.

· Scene arc: Peter has fork stick to hand. He accidentally hits Flash with the food tray. Flash goes to fight Peter, but he eludes him. Peter punches Flash in the stomach and wins the altercation.

· Situation: Lunch time in high school cafeteria.

· Conflict: Peter vs Flash

· Moving the story forward: revelation of Peter’s superpowers.

· Entertainment value: Enjoyment of watching Peter get superpowers and win fight.

· Setups/payoff: Peter gets superpowers; he wins the fight with Flash.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Character Subtext #1

What I learned from doing this assignment is to add subtext to my screenplay.

· Scene arc: Chris is treated as a stereotype; he then begins to take pictures of the event. While taking pictures Chris discovers he is not the only Blackman at the party. He realizes that though he and Logan are both black they inhabit two different worlds.

· Situation: Party at Roses’ parents’ house.

· Conflict: Chris thinks he will be accepted but realizes he is an outsider.

· Moving the story forward: Chris discovers that he doesn’t fit in.

· Entertainment value: Observing the hypocrisy and patronizing behavior of the people at the party.

· Setups/payoffs: Chris expects to be accepted; Chris realizes he is an outsider.

· What makes this scene great? Chris’s slow realization he doesn’t fit in.

· Which characters are obviously covering the real meaning beneath the surface? Logan is deferentially polite; Rose feigns indignation at the comments of some of the guests.

· How many ways do they cover-up? Hypocrisy, patronizing behavior, stereotyping.

· What causes you to believe there is something under the surface? Chris’ realization he doesn’t relate to anyone else at the party.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan –Character Intros that sell actors.

What I learned from this assignment was to increase the action and strengthen the introduction of my main character.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan –Characterization scene

What I learned from this assignment was to increase the characterization of my characters through actions and dialogue.

· Scene arc: Sally says the Harry is insensitive to a women’s needs; Harry disagrees and says his women are satisfied. Sally says hiswomen might fake their orgasm; Harry disagrees. Sally fakes orgasm; Harry is chagrined.,

· Situation: Harry and Sally eating in a restaurant.

· Conflict: Sally says the Harry is insensitive to women’s needs; Harry disagrees,

· Entertainment value: Women faking orgasm on screen is novel and engrossing.

· Moving the story forward: Women faking orgasm

· Setup/payoffs: Sally faking orgasm; Harry being proven wrong.

· What makes this scene great? · Sally faking orgasm in a restaurant.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Resolution Scene 1

What I learned rewriting my scene is to construct a resolution scene that gives a surprising but inevitable ending.

· Scene Arc: Morgan Freeman opens sealed box. Kevin spacey taunts Brad Pitt about his wife and that he has killed her. Morgan freeman’s action confirm to brad Pitt That Kevin spacey has killed his wife. Brad Pitt kills Kevin Spacey.

· Situation: Prisoner Kevon Spacey leads detectives to a sealed box in a fileld which they must open.

· Conflict: Whether Brad Pitt will kill Kevin spacey.

· Entertainment value: Tense, gripping final scene.

· Setup/Payoff: Kevin spacey has killed Brad Pitt’s wife. Brad Pitt kills Kevin Spacey.

· Conclusion: Killer/prisoner is executed.

· New status quo: Punishment without trial by summary execution of prisoner.

· Satisfying ending: Biblical ending – “Eye for an eye”.

· Delivering character: All character actions in the final scene are consistent with their character in the prior scenes.

· Interesting dialogue: “If you kill him, he will win.”

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Intriguing Moments

What I learned from doing this assignment is to add intriguing moments to my screenplay.

Act 1.

· Covert agenda: Professor Shaw is smitten by Liza after meeting her in the Dunkin Donuts and plans on meeting her again.

· Secret: Liza plans to continue taking acting lessons even after Big Dom forbids her from continuing the lessons.

Act 2.

· Scheme: After Big Dom’s death Vito Rucci plans to take control of the family while Dom Jr. is in jail.

· Cover up: Liza attempts to conceal her activities in the mafia family from Professor Shaw.

Act 3.

· Conspiracy: Liza, Izzy, and Professor Shaw conspire to dump Vito’s body after Liza has shot him.

· Intrigue: After Vito survives the shooting, he plans revenge by firebombing Liza’s car.

Act 4.

· Cover up: Professor Shaw conceals from Liza his intention to return to England.

· Hidden agenda: After the firebombing of her car Liza plans to go on the run and follow Professor Shaw to England.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – 3^rd Act Climax: 3:10 to Yuma.

What I learned rewriting my scene is to construct a scene that is the ultimate expression of my screenplays conflict.

· Scene arc: Son starts a stampede to enable his father to put the prisoner on the train. When prisoner is on the train the gang leader guns down the father. The gun is returned to prisoner, and he guns down gang leader and the rest of the gang. Prisoner gets on the train voluntarily.

· Situation: Rancher must put prisoner on train to Yuma while being opposed by prisoner’s gang.

· Conflict: Rancher must put prisoner on train to Yuma while being opposed by prisoner’s gang.

· Moving the story forward: Constant tension from the battle between the rancher and the gang.

· Entertainment value: constant intrigue on whether the father will be successful getting the prisoner on the train.

· Setup/payoff: the setup is the father attempting to get the prisoner on the train; the payoff is the prisoner getting on the train voluntarily after the father’s death.

· Scene ultimate expression of the conflict: The scene resolves the conflict.

· Escalation of the conflict: The final twist is the prisoner getting on the train voluntarily after the father’s death.

· Interesting dialogue: the prisoner shouts “No!”, “One thing I will grant you is that the rancher is one tough son of a bitch”. “You dun it Pa. you got him on the train.”

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Emotional Moments

What I learned rewriting my scene is to add and or increase the emotional moments in my screenplay.

Positive Emotions

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Turning Points: Get Out

What I learned rewriting my scene is to increase the no turning back elements in my turning points.

Movir: Get Out

· Turning Point 1: Mother hypnotizes Chris, he is now under her control.

· Turning Point 2: Chris takes a picture of the other black man at the party wishing to document the hypocrisy and patronizing atmosphere of the patio scene. His actions reveal he is not buying into the charade and is an outsider.

· Turning Point: Chris realizes the family has turned against him and attempts to escape. The mother triggers the hypnosis of Chris and the family proceeds to deal with the outsider who has upset the status quo of their world.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Reveals

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to include setups and reveals in my screenplay.

Act 1

· Question 1: What will you reveal? Professor Shaw is attracted to Liza, and he goes to the hair salon where she works to get a haircut.

· Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 1

· Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work? Liza cuts the line in front of Professor Shaw in Dunkin Donuts and informs him he needs a haircut and gives him her business card.

· Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong? Act 1.

Act 2

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Inciting Incident/Call to Adventure #1 – 12 Angry Men

What I learned rewriting my scene is to have an inciting incident which propels the story forward.

· Scene Arc: The scene goes from one hold out juror to another juror stating the need to discuss verdict to each juror having to articulate the reason for their verdict.

· Situation: Jurors voting guilty/not guilty in a death penalty case.

· Conflict: One hold-out juror in death penalty case.

· Moving the story forward: The scene goes from one juror wanting to discuss the case to two jurors to every juror verbalizing their decision.

· Entertainment value: Constant tension and conflict between hold-out juror and the other jurors.

· Setup/payoff: The setup is the hold-out juror the only one wanting to discuss their verdict to all jurors having to verbalize the reason for their verdict.

· Challenging: One juror against eleven.

· Interesting Action: The courage of the hold-out juror not giving in and forcing the of the jurors to discuss the reasoning for their verdict.

· Interesting dialogue: “Guess we talk”, “We’re talking about someone’s life”, “Do you think you were born with a monopoly on the truth.”.

· Something inside the character needs to go on the journey: The hold-out juror needs to see the judicial process run its course and there not be a rush to judgement.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Character Actions Tracks

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to increase the action in my script…

Outline Beat Sheet Character Actions Tracks

Protagonist: Liza Valente

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – The Dark Knight

What I learned rewriting my scene is to add strong components to the opening scene.

· Challenging situation: Bank Robbery

· Intrigue: Shot of robber with back to camera carrying a mask and duffle bag waiting to be picked up by the van.

· Interesting Action: Robbers zip lining between buildings; robbers shooting up bank; office worker with shotgun shooting robbers; school bus backing into bank.

· Interesting dialogue: Discussion in van of loot split which foreshadows problems among the thieves on how the money will be divided between them.

· Tone: Sinister – no honor among thieves.

· Lure into story: Violence, intrigue, things not as they appear to be.

· Twist: The Joker is the person killing off the other robbers.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan

I agree to the terms of the release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[William Whelan]

Hello Everyone,

I am Will Whelan a Playwright/Screenwriter located in Vermont. I attended the National Theater Institute in Spring ’22 and have had several of my plays performed in Edinburgh and New York City, I am currently working on my third screenplay. I am looking forward to participating in the Scene Mastery class.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – New Outline Beats

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to revise my outline beat sheet..

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Deeper Layer

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to create a multilayered screenplay.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Character Journey Structure

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to create character journey structure.

Protagonist: Liza Valente

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Supporting Characters

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to create character profiles.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Character Profiles Part 2

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to create character profiles.

Liza Valente

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Character Profiles Part 1

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to create character profiles.

Liza Valente

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Likaability/Reliability/Empathy

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to add Likaability, Reliability and Empathy to my characters.

Protagonist – Liza Valente

Likability: Sense of Humor:

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Character Intrigue

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to add intrigue to my characters.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Subtext Characters

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to develop subtext for my characters.

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[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Actor attractors

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to develop a character attractore

Lead Character Name: Liza Valente

Role: Protagonist

1. What about this role would
   cause an actor to want to be known for it?

The role of Liza is the classic transformational character where they leave their old life behind and embrace a new life.

2. What makes this character one
   of the most interesting characters in your story?

The character is three dimensional with a distinct character arc.

3. What are the most interesting
   actions the Lead could take in the script?

Liberating herself from the old-world mafia mentality to adopt a new life.

4. How can you introduce this role
   in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Show the liberated women, assertive, straight forward side of Liza with her first encounter with Professor Shaw.

5. What could be this character’s
   emotional range

Liza would have a panoply of scenes from the assertive and self-confident to the despondent and hopeless.

6. What subtext can the actor
   play?

She must lead a double life is her pursuit of an acting career while still appearing to be an active member of the mafia family.

7. What’s the most interesting
   relationships this character can have?

Her relationship with Professor Shaw who will become her mentor/romantic interest in her pursuit of her acting career.

8. How will this character’s
   unique voice be presented?

She will start out with an uncultured Brooklyn accent and transform into a having a cultured, English accent.

9. What could make this character
   special and unique?

Liza will play Juliet with a hot body, dark hair with blue streaks, copious make-up and a Brooklyn accent.

Lead Character Name: Big Dom Valenti

Role: Antagonist

1. What about this role would
   cause an actor to want to be known for it?

This is the quintessential mafia boss role which would be attractive to several actors with experience in mafia/crime movies.

2. What makes this character one
   of the most interesting characters in your story?

Big Dom will have the character arc of being an old-world mafia boss but have the conflict that his love for his daughter demands that he changes his ways.

3. What are the most interesting
   actions the Lead could take in the script?

Big Dom will be caught between the love for his daughter Liza and preserving the mafia family and its business.

4. How can you introduce this role
   in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Big Dom will be introduced interrogating/torturing a stool pigeon showing his violent old world mafia ways.

5. What could be this character’s
   emotional range.

Big Dom will go from being a violent, vicious mafiosi to a caring, loving father.

6. What subtext can the actor
   play?

The conflict between being a crime boss and a loving father.

7. What’s the most interesting
   relationships this character can have?

Being a caring, loving father to Liza and bringing sympathy and compassion to the role.

8. How will this character’s
   unique voice be presented?

Being a tough guy but also displaying a softer, compassionate.

9. What could make this character
   special and unique?

The combination of a vicious, ruthless side with a compassionate, caring side.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Actor attractors for Café Society

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to develop a character which will attract major actors in the industry.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS Template

Movie Title: Café Society

Lead Character Name: Bobby Dorfman

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

The script is written by Woody Allen and the lead character is multi-dimensional with dialogue that is replete with subtext and double entendre.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

Bobby Dorfman has a significant transformation going from naïve putz wanting to be part of the Hollywood scene to a savvy, wordily night club owner in New York City.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Bobby decides to leave his father’s jewelry business in New York City and move to Los Angeles. When things don’t work out for him in LA both career-wise and romantically he returns to New York city and when his brother is arrested, he takes over control of the nightclub.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

He is introduced as a naïve wannabe who wishes to change his life for something better.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

Externally the character is stoic showing limited emotion on the surface while internally he experiences a wide range of emotions.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

The role is loaded with subtext since the character has many instances where he is a naïve player to what is transpiring in the story, however the audience is aware of what is actually happening.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

The relationship with Vonnie his first and true love and with his uncle Phil.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

The character’s voice is presented in three ways: the voice over, the understated, non-judgmental attitude of Bobby Dorfman and the subtext of his dialogue.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

Bobby Dorfman is an honest, genuine person in a world of selfish, corrupt, and deceitful people.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

When Bobby Dorfman sees the framed Rudolph Valentino letter in Phil’s office, he realizes Vonnie is having an affair with Phil. He accepts the realization with equanimity and understanding of human nature and does not fly into a jealous rage.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Genre Conventions

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to develop the 4-act transformational structure for my screenplay.

Concept: Mafia princess desires to break with the family and become a cultured, sophisticated lady.

Main conflict: Liza wants to break with the mafia’s criminal underworld life and become a cultured, sophisticated lady.

Genre: Romcom

RomCom Conventions:

· The Journey of Love

· Relationship Set-up

· Issues

· Separation

· Comedy

ACT 1:

· Opening – Liza, as a six-year-old, witnesses a torture/beating in the garage of her home being administered by her father Big Dom on a stool pigeon.

· Inciting Incident – Initial meeting is at a Dunkin Donuts where Liza comments to Professor Shaw that he needs a haircut and gives him her business card. In the hair salon in which Liza works she interacts with Professor Shaw, a professor of theater, and decides to enroll in an acting class which he teaches at Brooklyn college.

· Turning point – After Liza’s brother, Dom Jr. gets arrested and jailed her father Big Dom tells Liza she must quit the acting class to help out with the family business. Liza’s father has a cardiac event when they argue about Liza taking the acting class.

Act 2:

· New Plan – Liza will continue taking acting lessons behind Big Dom’s back.

· Plan in action – Liza participates in the collection of vigs and shakedowns while still taking the acting class. Liza gives Vito pushback over his aggressive methods of collecting the vigs and doing shakedowns.

· Midpoint Turning Point –Liza returns home from the acting class to discover Big Dom has suffered a fatal heart attack. Liza must then assume control of the family business until her brother Dom Jr.is released from prison further drawing her into the underworld she desires to escape. On the ride home from the burial Liza shows Vito a letter from Big Dom giving her temporary control of the family increasing the conflict between them.

Act 3:

· Rethink everything – Liza must devise a strategy to run the family business while continuing working in the hair salon and taking the acting class.

· New plan – Liza visits her brother in prison, and he instructs her to turn the running of the business over to Vito until he gets out. Liza feels betrayed and alienated by her brother’s lack of support. Liza turns over effective control of the family business to Vito, the underboss, until her brother, Dom Jr., is released from prison.

· Turning Point: Huge failure/Major shift: Liza shoots and kills Vito, the underboss, when he attempts to rape her. She must dispose of his body and make it appear that a rival family had whacked Vito. Liza and her friend Izzy cannot move Vito’s huge body, so they enlist Professor Shaw to help them dump the body on Staten Island

Act 4:

· Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Vito, surviving being shot by Liza, vows revenge and attempts to take over control of the family business from Liza and her brother. Professor Shaw, repulsed by his involvement in the cover-up of the shooting of Vito decides to cut his sabbatical short and return to England.

· Resolution – Liza survives a car bombing attempt on her life and decides to flee the country and reunite with Professor Shaw in Cambridge.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Transformational Structure

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to develop the 4-act transformational structure for my screenplay.

Concept: Mafia princess desires to break with the family and become a cultured, sophisticated lady.

Main conflict: Liza wants to break with the mafia’s criminal underworld life and become a cultured, sophisticated lady.

Old Ways / New Ways

· Old Ways – Brooklyn accent, copious make-up and teased hair, her life dominated by her father, Big Dom, and the mafia way of life.

· New Ways – Cultured accent, natural look, independent lifestyle.

ACT 1:

· Opening – Liza, as a six-year-old, witnesses a torture/beating in the garage of her home being administered by her father Big Dom on a stool pigeon.

· Inciting Incident – In the hair salon in which Liza works she meets Professor Shaw, a professor of theater, and decides to enroll in an acting class which he teaches at Brooklyn college.

· Turning point – After Liza’s brother, Dom Jr. gets arrested and jailed her father Big Dom tells Liza she must quit the acting class to help out with the family business. –

Act 2:

· New Plan – Liza will continue taking acting lessons behind Big Dom’s back.

· Plan in action – Liza participates in the collection of vigs and shakedowns while still taking the acting class.

· Midpoint Turning Point – When Big Dom discovers Liza is still taking acting lessons. A big argument ensues during which Big Dom suffers a fatal heart attack. Liza must then assume control of the family business until her brother Dom Jr.is released from prison further drawing her into the underworld she desires to escape.

Act 3:

· Rethink everything – Liza must devise a strategy to run the family business while continuing working in the hair salon and taking the acting class.

· New plan – Liza decides to turn over effective control of the family business to Vito, the underboss, until her brother, Dom Jr., is released from prison.

· Turning Point: Huge failure/Major shift: Liza shoots and kills Vito, the underboss, when he attempts to rape her, She must dispose of his body and make it appear that Vito had been whacked by a rival family.

Act 4:

· Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Vito, surviving being shot by Liza, vows revenge and attempts to take over control of the family business from Liza.

· Resolution – Liza survives a car bombing attempt on her life and decides to flee the country and reunite with Professor Shaw in Cambridge.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Subtext Plot

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to develop subtext in my screenplay.

4. Fish Out of Water: Professor Shaw, on sabbatical from Cambridge, is exposed to the mafia underworld through a student Liza Valente.

6. A Major Cover Up: After Liza kills Vito, a mafia underboss, during a rape attempt she enlists Professor Shaw to help her dispose of his body and coverup the killing since Vito is a made man.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Transformational History

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to explore the transformational history of my protagonist.

Protagonist Character Arc

· Arc Beginning – Liza is stuck in a dead-end job and inhabits a world she does not want to be part of anymore.

· Arc Ending – Liza follows Professor Shaw back to England to start a new life in a new country.

Internal/External

· Internal Journey – Ever since witnessing a torture/beating as a little girl Liza has longed to leave the mafia life of violence and old-world mentality.

· External Journey – Liza starts by getting a hair stylist job outside the family business, then enrolls in a theater class followed by taking elocution lessons from Professor Shaw.

Old Ways / New Ways

· Old Ways – Brooklyn accent, copious make-up and teased hair, her life dominated by her father, Big Dom, and the mafia way of life.

· New Ways – Cultured accent, natural look, independent lifestyle.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Intentional Lead Characters

Vision: To write a screenplay which will become a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to start the process of fleshing out my characters.

Character: Liza Valente

Logline: Liza is a mafia princess who desires to break with the family and become a cultured, sophisticated lady.

Unique: Liza’s transition to another life can be dangerous to her health and safety.

Character: Big Dom Valente

Logline: Big Dom is a mafia boss who needs to deal with a threat to the family – his daughter.

Unique: Big Dom is an old-world mafia boss who must deal with a conflict within his own family.

Character: Professor Shaw

Logline: Cambridge theater professor who while on sabbatical gets involved in the seamy underworld of the mafia.

Unique Professor Shaw, a fish out of water, gets involved inadvertently in a conflict that could have dire consequences for his health and safety.

Supporting Characters:

Vito – Mob underboss to Big Dom

Isabella – Owner of hair salon and Liza’s best friend.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan Title, Concept and Character Structure

Vision: To write a screenplay which will be turned into a successful movie.

What I learned from doing this assignment was to start the process of writing an outline for my screenplay.

Title: Lady Wiseguy

Concept: Mafia princess desires to break with the family and become a cultured, sophisticated lady.

Character Structure: RomCom

[William Whelan]

William Whelan, I have written 5 scripts, i would to write a screenplay which is produced and filmed and I have no unique or special attributes.

[William Whelan]

William Whelam

i agree to the terms of the release form

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – assignment: Lesson #26 qe cycle #6

Logline: Marcus pushes back against Carley after he loses the lead role in a play production.

ESSENCE: Marcus and Carley find a mutual attraction after a dispute over creative differences.

EXT. BEACH -DAY

Carley, dressed in her jogging outfit, is doing stretches before going for a run on the beach. Marcus, also in running gear approaches her.

MARCUS

Thanks for stabbing me in the back.

CARLEY

I don’t know what you are talking about.

MARCUS

Yes, you do — don’t play coy with me.

CARLEY

I’m not — I genuinely have no idea what you are referring to and if I have offended you, I assure you it was unintentional.

MARCUS

Unintentional? I was supposed to play the lead in Kota’s play in Playlab and I heard through the grapevine you were the one who nixed me.

CARLEY

Is that why your ear is purple.

MARCUS

I don’t think it’s funny — Kota promised me the part.

CARLEY

We both decided the part was not suited for you.

MARCUS

What? Because I was too macho for the part.

CARLEY

I did think the part would be better served by a more reserved, sensitive type.

MARCUS

I always got that vibe that you thought I was a male chauvinist pig.

CARLEY

You’re wrong. I actuallythink you are an excellent actor but just not right for the part.

MARCUS

So, you are saying it was the result of creative differences.

CARLEY

Yes, if that makes you feel better.

MARCUS

Give me an audition — would that be so hard to do? I’ll show you I’m right for the part.

CARLEY

Let me think about it — I have a very full schedule, I not sure I have the time to give you an audition.

MARCUS

I’ll work around your schedule. What will an audition take? Twenty minutes? Half an hour at most?

CARLEY

I said let me think about it.

MARCUS

Look, I’m sorry about the backstabbing comment –I’m sure your decision was nothing personal.

CARLEY

No offense taken – as I said it was strictly a creative decision.

MARCUS

How about tonight after class for an audition — we can go for some pizza afterwards my treat.

CARLEY

Is that a bribe?

MARCUS

No, it will just be a thank you for being flexible enough to give me a second chance.

CARLEY

This is not going to lead to a after dinner drink and you trying to hit on me?

MARCUS

Wow! Where did that come from?

CARLEY

I know your reputation. I heard last semester at the wrap party for the play you had the lead role they played “you’re so vain I bet you think this song is about you”.

MARCUS

Well…it was all in jest.

CARLEY

Many a truth is said in jest.

MARCUS

Believe me, my bark is worse than my bite.

CARLEY

So, you admit you’re a wolf?

MARCUS

Would you rather me be a sheep? Would I stand a better chance to get the lead if I was?

CARLEY

Possibly — to you own sheep’s clothing?

MARCUS

No, but I think I know where I can get some.

CARLEY

Why don’t you do that?

MARCUS

So, does that mean I have an audition after class tonight?

CARLEY

I haven’t decided yet.

MARCUS

Man, you are a real tease.

CARLEY

Don’t text me, I’ll text you.

THE END

[William Whelan]

WILLIAM WHALEN — ASSIGNMENT 22: MAX INTEREST scene

What I learned doing this assignment is to increase the use of max interest techniques.

Logline: Rocco goes to Armando, the head of a rival family, seeking a truce in the war between the families.

STRUCTURAL:

Suspense: what is going to be the outcome of the sit down.

Major twist: Rocco proposes knee surgery for the nephew.

Surprise: Rocco turns the tables on Armando and poisons him.

Interesting setting: Dark café, sinister surroundings.

Mislead/Reveal: Rocco is out for revenge not peace.

Superior position/Irony: Armando holds all the high cards.

Uncertainty: Who will win the sit-down.

Intrigue: What are the circumstances that lead to the war.

Mystery: What will be the outcome of the sit-down.

Cliffhanger: Is the poisoning of Armando the end of the mafia war or an escalation.

Something unseen: How the compensation for the nephew’s injury will be resolved.

INT. BACKROOM OF A dark CAFE IN LITTLE ITALY – DAY

Rocco approaches a table at which Armando is sitting.

ROCCO

I want to call a truce, enough blood has been spilled — let’s bury the hatchet.

Armando motions for Rocco to take a seat.

ARMANDO

It’s about time you came to your senses.

ROCCO

And you can keep half the smack. Agreed?

ARMANDO

It was dropped in my territory — by rights it’s all mine.

ROCCO

You know the policy is you keep twenty-five percent — I’m giving you fifty, I’d recommend you take my deal and not get greedy.

ARMANDO

Possession’s nine-tenths of the law — I can legally keep the whole five kilos.

ROCCO

But don’t forget you’re a nice guy — you won’t want to ruin your reputation.

ARMANDO

What about my nephew Pauly? The guy you kidnapped and kneecapped trying to get your stash back.

ROCCO

I guess you’re looking for monetary compensation.

ARMANDO

Yeah, you got it. You owe me.

ROCCO

How much?

ARMANDO

He’s crippled for life, how about an annuity — like say a thousand bucks a month for the rest of his life.

ROCCO

You really want to go there? You want to give me an incentive to bring about his untimely demise?

ARMANDO

Let’s say I consider you an honorable man and you will let him die in God’s good time.

ROCCO

Tell you what, my wife Carla has a cousin who is an orthopedic surgeon. He said he’ll take a look at him. He thinks he can give him a metal kneecap that will make him good as new — it’s unbelievable what they can do nowadays.

ARMANDO

What? You think I’m stunotz? You think I’m going to fall for that trick? you think I’m going to let you kidnap both him and me? I’m lucky we were able to find out where you were hiding him the first time and rescue him.

Armando raises two fingers and signals the waiter to bring two more cups of expresso.

ROCCO

So, is that a no?

ARMANDO

A big fat no with a bow on it! Capice?

The waiter brings two expressos to the table and removes the dirty cups and saucers.

ROCCO

Well, I’m not going to give that sleazebag nephew of yours squat — so I guess this sit down is over.

Armando shrugs his shoulder,

ARMANDO

Ciao! And don’t let the door hit you in the butt on the wat out.

Armando takes a healthy sip of his expresso. He then begins to gag, grabs his neck with both hands while drool starts to emanate from the side of his mouth. Rocco stands.

ROCCO

You forgot — the switch goes to the highest bidder. Enjoy your cup of Drano you greedy, fat, fuck.

THE END

[William Whelan]

William whelan – Lesson 21: Reveals that pique curoisity.

DEMAND: After Betty professes her love for Lance, Emmylou feels it’s necessary to tell her that Lance is the father of her child.

COVER-UP: The father of both Emmylou’s and Grady’s children are unknown.

REVEAL: It is revealed that Lance is the father of both Emmylou’s and Grady’s children by artificial insemination but also that Lance is gay.

EXT. SWIMMING HOLE DAY

Betty and Emmylou sun themselves on blankets at the swimming hole.

BETTY

I think I’m in love.

EMMYLOU

Lance?

BETTY

Yes!

EMMYLOU

You sure it’s not a summer infatuation?

BETTY

What? I’m not old enough to distinguish between true love and a summer romance. I’m hurt you would say something like that.

EMMYLOU

Sorrrry! It’s just that this is such a fab place it’s like living a fantasy — and when you leave and return to reality you might find out that some of the emotions you felt while here could fade a bit.

BETTY

Well, I don’t think that is going to happen — the feeling is mutual. He said he’d come visit me at Carnegie-Mellon in the fall.

EMMYLOU

Wow! Way cool. It does sound serious.

BETTY

It is. I think I’m going to get a hotel room and lose my virginity — I just love him so much!

EMMYLOU

We’re friends, right?

BETTY

Sure.

EMMYLOU

I have something to tell you.

BETTY

I don’t think I’m going to like this!

EMMYLOU

Lance is the father of my child.

BETTY

No way! How can that be? I mean I know you’re friends and all but I never saw anything romantic between the two of you.

EMMYLOU

It’s been over for a while.

BETTY

I guess we’re okay then — I wish he had told me about it. I don’t like it when people aren’t totally honest. Is there anything else I should know?

EMMYLOU

I think there is something Grady needs to tell you.

BETTY

Wow! I’m starting to get a very weird vibe!

Emmylou sees Grady approaching the swimming hole for a dip.

EMMYLOU

Great, here comes Grady, I’ll let her tell you herself.

Grady, dressed in a bathing suit and carrying a towel and water bottle joins Betty and Emmylou.

GRADY

How’s the water?

EMMYLOU

Chilly, like it’s been all summer.

GRADY

You okay, Betty? I haven’t seen you this down in the mouth since your father told you he wasn’t going to leave your suitcase on the porch.

BETTY

Emmylou says you have something to tell me.

EMMYLOU

I told her about me and Lance.

GRADY

Okay! I guess I have some splaining to do. Lance is the father of the child I’m carrying also.

Betty, her head on a swivel, looks incredulously at both Emmylou and Grady.

BETTY

Don’t tell me! I hope it’s not what I think it is.

GRADY

What is it you think it is?

BETTY

Well, you are both three months pregnant, and Lance is the father of both of your babies so I’m thinking it’s one of those…I can’t remember the exact name of it but it’s french and it’s when there’s three people…

GRADY

(interrupts)

Manage-a-trois.

BETTY

Yeah, that’s it.

GRADY

No, that didn’t happen.

EMMYLOU

It was artificial insemination.

BETTY

You’re kidding me!

EMMYLOU

No, that’s the truth.

BETTY

I think my head is about to explode.

GRADY

All three of us were here last summer and Lance agreed to make a deposit at the sperm bank at Dartmouth-Hitchcock. On Mayday we both decided to make a withdrawal and get pregnant.

Emmylou and Grady look at each other lovingly and squeeze hands. Betty starts to slowly hyperventilate.

BETTY

Well, I guess the silver lining is that Lance is a free agent.

GRADY

There is something else you need to know.

Betty puts her hands over her ears and squeezes her eyes shut tight.

BETTY

Stop! TMI! TMI! TMI!

Grady gently removes one of Betty’s hands from her ear.

GRADY

No, you really need to know this, Betty.

Betty removes her hand from her other ear.

BETTY

Okay, lay it on me. But be gentle.

GRADY

Lance is gay.

Betty’s eyes pop open.

BETTY

You mean gay gay?

EMMYLOU

Yes.

BETTY

Not part gay? Like bi?

GRADY

No full-blown gay.

BETTY

But he…..

GRADY

What?

BETTY

(meekly)

Kissed me.

EMMYLOU

And that’s all he’s going to do.

BETTY

This is turning into the worst day of my life!

Betty abruptly stands.

BETTY

I think I’m going to throw up!

Betty takes off on the run towards the farmhouse. Emmylou and Grady look at each other concerned.

GRADY

Tough love.

EMMYLOU

Yes, but it had to be done.

GRADY

You feel like going for another dip?

EMMYLOU

Sure.

Emmylou and Grady hold hands and enter the water.

THE END

What I leaned during this assignment was to use reveals to add suspense and twists to my scenes.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Character Relationships

Betty: naïve, secretive, ambitious, independent,

Grandpa: non-conformist, reflective, outgoing, peacemaker.

Jim: controlling, territorial, caring, self-righteous.

Lance: selfish, devious, carefree, manipulative

Betty/ Grandpa – Betty’s independence meshes well with Grandpa’s non-conforming, her secretiveness conflicts with Grandpa as peacemaker, her naivete contrasts with Grandpa ability to be outgoing, and her ambition is in competition with Grandpa’s penchant for reflection. The subtext is that Betty uses her grandfather to assert her independence from her father. Trait change: naïve to outgoing.

Betty/Jim – Betty’s naivete works well with Jim’s caring since it blinds her to the downside of him being overprotective. Her independence conflicts with Jim’s controlling nature, her secretiveness conflicts with Jim’s self-righteousness and her ambition competes with Jim being territorial. The sub text is Betty does not want to follow the career path Jim wants her to follow. Trait change: secretive to caring.

Betty/Lance –Betty’s secretiveness has rapport with Lance’s deviousness since it prevents each from seeing the other’s true intentions, her ambition conflicts with Lance’s carefree nature, her naivete contrasts with his manipulative behavior, and her independence competes with his selfishness. The subtext is that Betty is unable to distinguish infatuation from true love. Trait change: naïve to distrustful

Grandpa/Jim – Grandpa’s reflectiveness is in sync with Jim’s caring, his non-conformity contrasts with Jim’s controlling nature, his outgoing nature contrasts with Jim being territorial, and him being the peacemaker is in competition with Jim’s self-righteousness. Trait change: reflective to conciliatory.

Grandpa/Betty – Grandpa’s non-conformist works well with Betty’s independence, his being outgoing conflicts with her secretiveness, his reflectiveness contrasts with her naivete, and his peacemaking is in competition with her ambition, The subtext is Grandpa is trying to make-up his short comings as a father by helping betty follow her dreams. Trait change: non-conformist to mentor.

Grandpa/Lance – Grandpa’s non-conformity meshes with Lance’s carefree nature, his ability to reflect conflicts with Lance’s deviousness, his outgoing contrasts with Lance’s selfishness and his peacemaker is in competition with Lance’s manipulative behavior. The subtext is Grandpa’s sees his younger self in Lance. Trait change: outgoing to adviser.

Jim/Betty – Jin has a rapport between his caring and her naivete in that they both value the family relationship. There is a conflict between Jin’s controlling and Betty’s independence, Jim’s self-righteousness contrasts with Betty being secretive, and there is competition between Betty’s ambition and Jim being territorial. The subtext is that Jim uses his control over Betty to get back at his father. Trait change: controlling to understanding. Trait change: devious to supportive,

Jim/Grandpa – Jim’s caring and Grandpa’s peacemaker behavior mesh. Jim’s controlling behavior and Grandpa’s non-conformist attitude conflict, Jim being territorial contrasts with Grandpa being outgoing, Jim and his self-righteousness competes with Grandpa being reflective. Trait change: self-righteous to reflective.

Jim/Lance — Jim’s caring and Lance’s selfish behavior coincide because both put themselves first. Jim’s controlling behavior and Lance being carefree conflict, Jim’s self-righteousness and Lance’s deviousness contrast, and Jim’s being territorial competes with Lance’s manipulation. The subtext is Jim resents Lance’s lifestyle. Trait change: self-righteous to tolerant.

Lance/Betty – Lance’s deviousness and Betty’s secretiveness coincide. Lance’s manipulative behavior conflicts with Betty’s naivete, his carefree behavior contrasts with her ambition, and his selfishness competes with her independence. Trait change: selfish to caring.

Lance/Jim – Lance’s selfishness and Jim being territorial coincide. Lance carefree conflicts with Jim’s controlling, his deviousness contrasts with Jim’s self-righteousness, and his manipulative behavior competes with Jim’s caring. Trait change: devious to supportive.

Lance/Grandpa – Lance’s carefree behavior meshes with Grandpa being a non-conformist. His manipulative behavior conflicts with Grandpa being a person of reflection, his selfishness contrasts with Grandpa being outgoing and his deviousness competes with Grandpa being a peacemaker. Trait change: manipulative to genuine.

What I learned doing this assignment was to examine, evaluate, and modify my character’s traits to improve my writing.

[William Whelan]

Critigue for Karen Armbrust:

While reading your scene I could not get the TV show Alice out of my mind. LOL

Good hook , mystery, and cliffhanger. I clearly saw Renee’s non-conformist trait however it seemed to dominate the scens. I saw her outgoing trait in her custoner service but examples of her being prissy or devious were less clear. Maxine was clearly paranoid and emotionally wounded but her being tricky and snobbish were less clear.

Best, Will Whelan

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Lesson #19 QE Cycle #4: Write the Scene – Draft 2

Logline – Maxine asks Renee to keep it a secret that she is dating someone in the office and that she has a child from a previous relationship. William Whelan — Lesson 17 QE Cycle #4: Write this scene. Draft #2

Essence – Maxine wishes to keep her relationships and child a secret.

Trait changed: Maxine from snobbish to secretive.

INT. COTTEE SHOP – DAY

Renee and Maxine are chatting over lunch.

MAXINE

I don’t want you to tell anyone in the office I’m dating him — you’re the only one that knows.

RENEE

Why would I tell anyone — it’s in the vault.

Renee makes a zipping motion across her lips with her fingers.

MAXINE

Well, you did date him for awhile and I thought….

RENEE

(interrupts with mock New York accent)

Fuggedaboutit! That’s long over — anyway he wasn’t my type.

MAXINE

Which is?

RENEE

Ambitious, upwardly mobile — wears a Rolex.

MAXINE

He is kind of country bumpkinish, but what can you expect — he’s from Mississippi.

RENEE

Tell me about it. That southern drawl was really starting to get on my nerves.

MAXINE

You’re right, it can be annoying at times. But I can deal with it — I want this relationship to work. And he is kind of hot, you have to admit that.

RENEE

I’ll give you that, but he can really be a stick in the mud sometimes. I wanted someone I could bring home to meet my parents who would fit into our fun loving life style.

MAXINE

Yes, you’re right — he’s not the country club type. And he’s so religious! I didn’t realize there were Catholics in Mississippi, I thought they were all Southern Baptists.

RENEE

Oy vey! And he can be sanctimonious at times!

MAXINE

I’m afraid if he finds out I had Josh out of wedlock it might be curtains for the relationship before it even gets started.

RENEE

You’ll have to tell him sometime — you don’t think the sooner the better? (sarcastic) Isn’t honesty the best policy.

MAXINE

I’m not sure — don’t forget what you don’t know won’t hurt you. If I wait till we know each other better he might overlook it, then again, he might feel I tricked him into a situation that wasn’t what he thought he was getting into. What would you do?

RENEE

He’s pretty good in the sack — why ruin a good thing if you don’t have to.

MAXINE

You’re right — he’s the best Catholic I ever had. Besides, I’m not sure I could deal with another failed relationship right now — I’m just getting over Josh’s father walking out on me.

RENEE

One thing about Spencer — he seems the loyal, trusting type, He’ll probably be willing to forgive and forget.

MAXINE

That’s the way I feel about him. I think I’m going to wait awhile before I tell him about Josh — work my feminine magic on him so he’s like putty in my hands.

RENEE

Sounds like a plan.

Maxine phone chimes for a text message.

MAXINE

It’s a message from Spencer.

Maxine’s face goes ashen as she views the message.

MAXINE

He sent a pic of me and Josh — the one I gave you. He wants to know who the little boy is. (pause) You sent him that pic didn’t you?

RENEE

Maybe.

MAXINE

Bitch!

RENEE

Really? Let’s face it he wasn’t your type either — you should thank me for keeping you from getting hurt again.

MAXINE

So you think you can pull this shit and get away with it? Huh?

RENEE

Right now it looks like advantage Renee.

MAXINE

Okay, game on.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan — Lesson 17 QE Cycle #4: Write this scene.

Logline – Maxine asks Renee to keep it a secret that she is dating someone in the office and that she has a child from a previous relationship.

Essence – Maxine wishes to keep her relationships and child a secret.

Trait changed: Maxine from snobbish to secretive.

INT. COTTEE SHOP – DAY

Renee and Maxine are chatting over lunch.

MAXINE

I don’t want you to tell anyone in the office I’m dating him — you’re the only one that knows. And also, don’t forget, you’re the only one who knows about Josh.

RENEE

Why would I tell anyone — it’s in the vault.

Renee makes a zipping motion across her lips with her fingers.

MAXINE

Well, you did date him for awhile and I thought….

RENEE

(interrupts with mock New York accent)

Fuggedaboutit! That’s long over — anyway he wasn’t my type.

MAXINE

Which is?

RENEE

Ambitious, upwardly mobile — wears a Rolex.

MAXINE

He is kind of country bumpkinish, but what can you expect — he’s from Mississippi.

RENEE

Tell me about it. That southern drawl was really starting to get on my nerves.

MAXINE

You’re right, it can get annoying at times.

RENE

Besides, I wanted someone I could bring home to meet my parents who would fit into our fun loving life style — he can really be a stick in the mud sometimes.

MAXINE

Yes, I realize he’s not the country club type. And he’s so religious! I didn’t realize there were Catholics in Mississippi, I thought they were all Southern Baptists.

RENEE

Yes, he can be sanctimonious at times.

MAXINE

I’m afraid if he finds out I had Josh out of wedlock it might be curtains for the relationship before it even gets started.

RENEE

You’ll have to tell him sometime — you don’t think the sooner the better?

MAXINE

I’m not sure. If I wait till we know each other better he might overlook it, then again, he might feel I tricked him into a situation that wasn’t what he thought he was getting into. What would you do?

RENEE

Honesty is the best policy. I’d tell him ASAP.

MAXINE

I’m not sure I could deal with another failed relationship — I’m just getting over Josh’s father walking out on me.

RENEE

One thing about Spencer — he seems the loyal, trusting type.

MAXINE

That’s the way I feel about him. I think I’m going to wait awhile before I tell him about Josh — work my feminine magic on him so he’s like putty in my hands.

RENEE

Sounds like a plan.

Maxine phone chimes for a text message.

MAXINE

It’s a message from Spencer.

Maxine’s face goes ashen as she views the message.

MAXINE

He sent me a pic of me and Josh — the one I gave you. He wants to know who the little boy is. (pause) You sent him that pic didn’t you?

RENEE

Maybe.

MAXINE

Bitch!

RENEE

Really? Let’s face it he wasn’t your type either — you should thank me for keeping you from getting hurt again.

[William Whelan]

Critique for Karen Armburst

The hook of searching through the drawers at the start and the cliffhanger at the end is very effective.

I did not clearly see the traits in either character. Nancy did not seem caring, and I felt Squire was more sympathetic to Sam. Also, I did not observe her scheming and no clear examples of stubbornness or being confrontational with Squire. The only time I felt Squire was seductive was when he touched Nancy’s shoulder and his evasiveness seems limited to him not revealing to Nancy what he whispered in Sam’s ear. Also, I did not see a clear instance where he was either selfish or happy-go-lucky.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Assignment Lesson #14: QE Cycle #3 Revision

Logline: Two CNO officers discuss the approach to notifying a young, attractive women that her husband has died in combat.

Essence: Nancy is uncomfortable with the way Squire performs his job.

EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT – CAR TRAVELING ON HIGHWAY – DAY

INT. CAR – DAY

Nancy drives while Squire rides shotgun. Squire checks his cell phone occasionally for directions.

NANCY

I don’t want a repeat of what happened last time.

SQUIRE

What are you talking about?

NANCY

You know damn well what I am talking about.

SQUIRE

I wouldn’t say I didn’t know what you were talking about if I knew what you were talking about.

NANCY

Don’t play dumb with me — you know what I’m referring to.

SQUIRE

Jesus, I see it’s going to be one of those days where you talk in riddles all shift.

NANCY

I’m talking about what happened two months ago.

SQUIRE

You lost me — you have got to be more specific.

NANCY

Memphis.

SQUIRE

You mean the young widow with the toddler.

NANCY

No, I mean the young, hot, widow with the rockin’ body you were trying to hit on.

SQUIRE

I wasn’t trying to hit on her — I was comforting her.

NANCY

Holding her hand, putting your arm around her, and hugging her is against regulations — you were putting the Squire moves on her. I know them when I see them.

SQUIRE

She was crying uncontrollably; my words weren’t cutting it. What was I supposed to do? It was between letting her cry herself out or going against regulations.

NANCY

You were just supposed to keep talking in that calm, bedside manner you have — that’s why you got the job in the first place.

SQUIRE

Look, it worked, didn’t it? She felt better and stopped crying – that’s the bottom line isn’t it?

NANCY

You are lucky it worked — and that’s the only reason I didn’t report you. Just don’t let it happen again. Because it worked in the past doesn’t mean it’s going to work in the future.

SQUIRE

So, I’m assuming that’s a warning shot across my bow because today’s client is young and attractive, and that I need to be on my best behavior.

NANCY

You got it, Captain.

SQUIRE

I think you’re jealous.

NANCY

I knew you’d go there. No, I’m not jealous — I just don’t want you taking advantage of anyone when they’re at their most vulnerable. It’s about them, not you — try to keep that in mind for once in your life.

SQUIRE

You expect me to believe that you don’t have a thing for me — after you asked that I be assigned to you…Major.

NANCY

Don’t flatter yourself. I didn’t ask -– I was told you were being assigned to me as my partner. The brass knew your reputation — they figured I could straighten you out. I’m still hoping to get you to see the error of your ways.

SQUIRE

Nice try, but I think it’s more than duty that made you take me on as your partner.

NANCY

You’re right — you remind me of my ex-husband. If this partnership doesn’t work out, I’ll know it was me not him that was the problem.

SQUIRE

See I was right — you do have a thing for me.

NANCY

If I do it’s purely professional — don’t think you are getting into my pants.

SQUIRE

But you’re wearing a dress.

NANCY

Whatever.

Squire checks his phone.

SQUIRE

This is our exit.

The car exits off the highway and pulls into an industrial neighborhood full of warehouses. Nancy looks around.

NANCY

You sure that was the right exit? It’s all warehouses around here — not a house in sight.

SQUIRE

I put in the address exactly as you gave it to me.

NANCY

Which was?

SQUIRE

2336 Maple Street.

NANCY

I said Drive not Street. There you go screwin’ up again.

SQUIRE

Don’t screw with me. You said Street not Drive,

NANCY

Don’t tell me what I said — put in the correct address and see how far away we are from her house.

Squire enters the address in his phone.

SQUIRE

It’s across town — says forty-five minutes with the heavy traffic.

NANCY

It’s gonna be your ass, not mine, if she hears about her spouse’s death on the news first and not from us — and you know for the brass that’s a big, fat no no.

SQUIRE

You set me up, didn’t you? You gave me the wrong address on purpose.

NANCY

WTF you talking about?

SQUIRE

You know what I’m talking about. I know a woman scorned when I see one.

NANCY

You never give it a rest do you. Just STFU and pay attention to the directions and pray we get there before she sees it on the news.

SQUIRE

Is that an order?

NANCY

Yes, that’s an order. And by the way, your fly’s open. It might be a good idea to zip up before you get out of the car.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Assignment Lesson #14: QE Cycle #3

Logline: Two CNO officers discuss the approach to notifying a young, attractive women that her husband has died in combat.

Essence: Nancy is uncomfortable with the way Squire performs his job.

EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT – CAR TRAVELING ON HIGHWAY – DAY

INT. CAR – DAY

Nancy drives while Squire rides shotgun. Squire checks his cell phone occasionally for directions.

NANCY

I don’t want a repeat of what happened last time.

SQUIRE

What are you talking about?

NANCY

You know damn well what I am talking about.

SQUIRE

I wouldn’t say I didn’t know what you were talking about if I knew what you were talking about.

NANCY

Don’t play dumb with me — you know what I’m referring to.

SQUIRE

Jesus, I see it’s going to be one of those days where you talk in riddles all shift.

NANCY

I’m talking about what happened two months ago.

SQUIRE

You lost me — you have got to be more specific.

NANCY

Memphis.

SQUIRE

You mean the young widow with the toddler.

NANCY

No, I mean the young, hot, widow with the rockin’ body you were trying to hit on.

SQUIRE

I wasn’t trying to hit on her — I was comforting her.

NANCY

Holding her hand, putting your arm around her, and hugging her is against regulations — you were putting the Squire moves on her. I know them when I see them.

SQUIRE

She was crying uncontrollably, words weren’t cutting it, what was I supposed to do.

NANCY

You were just supposed to keep talking in that calm, bed side manner you have — that’s why you got the job in the first place.

SQUIRE

It worked, didn’t it? Or did you want to sit there and listen to her cry for an hour?

NANCY

You are lucky it worked — and that’s the only reason I didn’t report you. Just don’t let it happen again.

SQUIRE

So that’s a warning shot across my bow because today’s client is young and attractive, and I need to be on my best behavior.

NANCY

You got it, Captain.

SQUIRE

I think you are jealous.

NANCY

I knew you’d go there. No, I’m not jealous — I just don’t want you taking advantage of anyone when they’re most vulnerable.

SQUIRE

You expect me to believe that — after you asked that I be assigned to you…Major.

NANCY

Don’t flatter yourself. I didn’t ask -– I was told you were being assigned as my partner. The brass knew your reputation — they figured I could straighten you out. I’m still hoping to get you to see the error of your ways.

SQUIRE

I think it’s more than duty that made you take me on as your partner.

NANCY

Your right — you remind me of my ex-husband. If this partnership doesn’t work out I’ll know it was me not him that was the problem.

SQUIRE

See I was right — you do have a thing for me.

NANCY

If I do it’s purely professional — don’t think you are getting into my pants.

Squire checks his phone.

SQUIRE

This is our exit.

The car exits off the highway and pulls into an industrial neighborhood full of warehouses. Nancy looks around.

NANCY

You sure that was the right exit? It’s all warehouses around here — not a house in sight.

SQUIRE

I put in the address exactly as you gave it to me.

NANCY

Which was?

SQUIRE

2336 Maple Street.

NANCY

I said Drive not Street. There you go screwin’ up again.

SQUIRE

Don’t screw with me. You said Street not Drive,

NANCY

Don’t tell me what I said — put in the correct address and see how far away we are from her house.

Squire enters the address in his phone.

SQUIRE

It’s across town — says forty-five minutes with the heavy traffic.

NANCY

It’s gonna be your ass not mine if she hears about her spouse’s death on the news and not from us first — and you know for the brass that’s a big, fat no no.

SQUIRE

You set me up didn’t you? You gave me the wrong address on purpose.

NANCY

WTF you talking about?

SQUIRE

You know what I’m talking about. I know a woman scorned when I see one.

NANCY

You never give it a rest do you. Just STFU and pay attention to the directions so you don’t screw up again.

SQUIRE

Is that an order?

NANCY

Yes, that’s an order.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Max Interest Techniques Part 2

Logline: Betty and Lance discuss their relationship while hanging out at the swimming hole.

Essence: Betty wants to know if she has a future with Lance.

Max Interest Techniques’ –

1.) Hook – what is the future of Betty’s and Lances’ relationship.

2.) Dilemma – Betty is unsure where she stands with Lance.

3.) Predictions – Betty tells Lance she wants him to visit her at Carnegie-Mellon.

4.) Something unseen – Betty is blind to the fact that Lance is gay and has no intentions of having a serious relationship with her.

5.) Mystery – what will happen to the relationship when Betty finds out Lance is gay.

6.) Creating a future – the audience will realize that Lance is gay and will anticipate how the relationship will resolve itself.

7.) Anticipatory dialogue – the dialogue will be ambiguous and be open to multiple interpretations.

8.) Cliffhanger – when will Betty discover that Lance is gay.

9.) Uncomfortable moment – Betty and Lance kiss.

What I’ve learned to improve my writing is to use the additional nine interest techniques to make my writing more interesting and dynamic.

EXT. SWIMMING HOLE – DAY

Betty and Lance frolic in the swimming hole. Lance pretends he is a shark and chases Betty around the swimming hole while mimicking the music from Jaws.

LANCE

Shark attack!

BETTY

There are no sharks in Vermont.

LANCE

I am swimming hole Sharknado!

BETTY

Help! Help!

Lance finally catches and pretends to attack her.

LANCE

Gotcha!

They both laugh.

BETTY

Please Mr. Sharknado don’t eat me! I’ll do anything you want.

LANCE

Anything! I’m taking you to the Shark Cave!

Lance picks her up and carries Betty out of the water and up a large rock where their towels and water bottles are waiting. Lance and Betty both pant from the exertion.

LANCE

Wow: Being a shark is exhausting.

BETTY

And being the prey isn’t easier either.

LANCE

I need a drink.

BETTY

Same here,

They both sit, pick up their water bottles, and take a drink while starting to towel off. Betty leans back on her elbows taking in the sun.

BETTY

I can’t believe the summer is almost over.

LANCE

And you haven’t gone skinny dipping yet. I thought you said that was on your to do list.

BETTY

How do you know I haven’t? Maybe I snuck out at night and did it when no one else was around.

LANCE

Not bloody likely! I know you. You’re afraid to walk through the woods at night because of the lions and tigers and bears!

BETTY

OH MY!

They both laugh.

BETTY

I guess I’ll have to move that to my to do list for next summer. (pause) Do you think you will be back next summer?

LANCE

No idea. That’s too far away for me to even think about it right now?

BETTY

How about visiting me at Carnegie-Mellon? Is that too far in the future to think about now?

LANCE

No, that’s probably doable.

BETTY

You don’t seem very enthusiastic about coming to see me at school.

LANCE

To be honest, I haven’t given it much thought. I’m enrolled to take some acting classes when I get back to New York City. And who knows? Maybe I’ll get lucky and land an acting job — I don’t want to make any firm commitments right now.

BETTY

So, this is just a summer fling?

LANCE

Of course not, I really like you — it’s just there are other things that need to be considered.

BETTY

I’m too young for you — is that it?

LANCE

No, if anything I’m too old for you — I’m twenty-five.

BETTY

I don’t have a problem with your age.

LANCE

I promise you I will visit you this semester — I just can’t give a firm time frame.

BETTY

Okay — can I have a kiss?

LANCE

(hesitantly)

Sure.

Lance leans over and awkwardly kisses Betty on the lips. He breaks off the kiss abruptly to Betty’s chagrin.

LANCE

I think we better get back — we don’t want to be late for lunch.

Lance stands and helps Betty up.

BETTY

I think I’m falling in love with you.

LANCE

Don’t say that — it’s probably just a summer infatuation.

BETTY

You’re patronizing me — you do think I’m too young.

LANCE

C’mon Betty let’s not quarrel — it’s our last week together.

BETTY

Okay, can we hold hands on the way back to the house?

LANCE

Sure, let’s go.

Betty and Lance head back to the farmhouse.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan: Challenging Situations

Scene1:

Logline: Grady explains that skinny dipping is totally permissible at the swimming hole after Betty states she did not pack a swimsuit. Jim chokes on the iced tea he is drinking and spits some out in front of him.

Essence: Grady explains the lifestyle at the Artist retreat is totally uninhibited.

Brainstorm:

n Jim tells Betty they will go immediately to the store to buy her a swimsuit.

n Jim tells Betty she cannot swim at the swimming hole since it is probably polluted.

n Jim loses his temper and tells his father that the mores at the Artist retreat are unacceptable.

n Jim spits his drink out and it lands on Grady’s face and neck.

Summary: Jim spits his drink out landing on Grady’s face and neck. Grady accuses Jim of doing it on purpose despite his protestations that it was an accident. Betty becomes very upset with her father’s actions.

Scene 2:

Logline: Lance distributes CBD gummies for pain relief. Jim forbids Betty from taking a gummie for her discomfort since she is underage. Margaret says she wants a gummie for her discomfort and that she is overage.

Essence: Margaret pushes back against Jim for denying Betty pain relief.

Brainstorm:

n Jim berates Margaret for setting a bad example for their daughter.

n Jim states that he cannot abide by the drug culture at the Artist retreat and that they are leaving.

n Jim tells Lance to put the gummies away and sit down.

n Jim grabs the bottle of gummies from Lance.

Summary: Jim grabs the bottle of gummies resulting in a hand tussle between him and Lance. Lance pulls the bottle from Jim’s grip and the bottle goes flying across the patio.

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to increase action and conflict in my scenes.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Assignment #11

Betty Anderson –

Current: Betty is a high school senior who is slated to attend Carnegie-Mellon University and fulfill her father’s wish to be a research scientist.

Core traits: Loyal, secretive, low-self-esteem, rebellious.

Sub-text: Betty wishes to become a singer/songwriter.

Revised: Betty will rebel against her domineering father and spend the summer at her Grandfather’s Artist retreat to become a singer/songwriter.

Jim Anderson –

Current: Jim is a patent attorney who wants his daughter to be a research scientist — a dream he was unable to achieve.

Core traits: Confident, manipulative, controlling, distrustful.

Sub-text: Jim mistakes tough love for caring.

Revised: Jim learns to be less controlling and give Betty the space to pursue her dreams and not his.

Will Anderson –

Current: A 70’s something playwright who runs an Artist retreat to help wanna-be artists pursue their dreams.

Core traits: Gregarious, needy, conspiring, generous.

Sub-text: Will wants to give young people the opportunity to pursue the Arts which he did not have growing up.

Revised: Will realizes that for Betty to pursue her dreams he must also have a reproachment with his son Jim.

What I have learned that is improving my writing is that the use of traits to make my characters more interesting and dynamic.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan: Critique #2 for Karen Armburst.

1. The setting was appropriate for the scene.

2. Good suspense from the beginning, piqued interest in who is the perp.

3. The dialogue was short and to the point, no extended exposition in dialogue.

4. Evident throughout the scene of the feeling out process going on between the two characters.

5. Good twist at the end though I would like more foreshadowing.

6. Would have liked the dialogue to have more subtext and subtlety; often it was obvious what each character was attempting to elicit from the other character and often it was stated by the characters themselves.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan: Critique #2 for Jeff Cochran

1.) Interesting and unique setting.

2.) Good setting the scene and action at the opening.

3.) The dialogue concerning the neighborhood and the Taberville theme park was distracting, I felt it took away from the action and tightness off the scene and could be trimmed if not eliminated.

4.) The twist at the end seemed abrupt and not realistic.

[William Whelan]

WILLIAM WHALEN — ASSIGNMENT PTE TECHNIQUES 2 rewrite

Logline: Nick attempts to persuade John to fix a basketball game in order that he can win a bet and settle gambling debts.

ESSENCE: Nick wants John to fix a basketball game to win bet.

JOHN — 21, 6’6″, athletic, blond hair and blue eyes, starting power forward on college basketball team.

NICK — 22, 6’1″, athletic, black hair brown eyes, reserve point guard on college basketball.

INT. COLLEGE BASKETBALL LOCKER ROOM

NICK

So, you okay with the prop I told you about the other day?

JOHN

What are you talking about?

NICK

Don’t play dumb with me. I’m talking about the points adjustment in tonight’s game.

JOHN

Did you forget? I told you I am not fixing any game. What? You have early onset Alzheimer’s?

NICK

Don’t tell me you ain’t in on this? You said you’d think about it. I got it all set up with the Greek. He’ll front us the money and only take a twenty percent vig.

JOHN

Not to mention that he’ll have a piggyback bet and probably score ten times what we’ll make.

NICK

Of course, he’s a businessman – can you blame him? Look it will be an easy couple of grand for us — who cares how much he makes.

JOHN

I told you I don’t like Bruno, I don’t want anything to do with him.

NICK

I’ll deal with him. You won’t need to get within ten miles of him. All you’ll need to do is your part and collect the winnings from me.

JOHN

And what if we get caught?

NICK

How we gonna get caught? We already made the tournament. We got nothing to play for. Everybody has a bad game. So, you score twenty points instead of thirty — you think anybody’s going to notice? It’s the last game of the season. It’ll be easy peasy Japenesey.

JOHN

And this is only a one-time thing — Bruno doesn’t expect any action in the tournament.

NICK

No — he said one and done.

JOHN

The guys a damn liar. The big money is in the tournament. There’s no way he won’t expect us to fix the tournament too.

NICK

I know the guy. We went to Xaverian high in Brooklyn together. We’re solid. If he says it’s a one off it’s a one off. I trust the guy.

JOHN

Well, I don’t. In my book he’s a sleaze bag.

NICK

You trust me don’t you?

JOHN

I’m not so sure I trust you either.

NICK

Okay, I’ll come clean with you. I owe Bruno big time — he said if I don’t pay him back soon things could get ugly.

JOHN

How much?

NICK

Ten grand.

JOHN

Well, that’s your problem — not mine.

NICK

You don’t give a rat’s ass about me, do you? I’m your only friend on the team and you’d throw me under the bus without a second thought wouldn’t you.

JOHN

We both know these things don’t end well. We do it once and Bruno will have us by the balls. He’ll expect us to fix the entire tournament as well.

NICK

How many times do I got to tell you it’s one and done. I can handle Bruno. I’m sure if I tell Bruno that’s your terms, he won’t press us for a repeat.

JOHN

Even if I wanted to save your ass I couldn’t do it to Coach K. If it ever came out I shaved points it would ruin both our careers. I could never do that to him — he’s been like a father to me.

NICK

You think Coach K deep down really gives a shit about you? If you got injured, he’d cut you in a heartbeat. It’s a dog-eat-dog world –- you got to look out for numero uno.

JOHN

Sorry, but that’s not the way I roll.

NICK

So, if I wind up in the trunk of a car with a bullet in the back of my head you couldn’t give a shit — is that it?

JOHN

You made your bed, now you’ve got to lie in it.

NICK

I can’t believe this shit — after all I done for you. When you got here three years ago you were some hick from Podunk, Kentucky and I showed you the ropes. I lent you money when you didn’t have a pot to piss in. I let you hang out with me even though you had the social skills of a dork. And this is the way you repay me?

JOHN

I appreciate all you’ve done for me but what you’re asking is a bridge too far.

NICK

After they come for me, they’ll be coming for you. Don’t think I won’t tell them you were involved in all this shit too and you owe them money also. I’ll through you under the bus in a heartbeat as well –- just watch me.

JOHN

You don’t scare me — and anyway I know how to take care of myself. I need to go. I’ll catch you at warm-ups later.

John picks up his gym bag and heads toward the exit. Nick shouts after him.

NICK

You got six hours to change your mind big guy! You hear me? I’m countin’ on you! Don’t let me down! You hear me! I’m countin’ on you Bro! Don’t let me down. You hear me!

END

[William Whelan]

WILLIAM WHALEN — ASSIGNMENT PTE TECHNIQUES 2

JOHN — 21, 6’6”, athletic, blond hair and blue eyes, power forward on college basketball team.

NICK — 21, 6’6”, athletic, black hair brown, reserve point guard on college basketball.

INT. COLLEGE BASKETBALL LOCKER ROOM

NICK

So you okay with the prop I told you about the other day?

JOHN

What are you talking about?

NICK

Don’t play dumb with me. I’m talking about the points adjustment in tonight’s game.

JOHN

Did you forget? I told you I ain’t fixing any game. What? You have early onset Alzheimer’s?

NICK

Don’t tell me you ain’t in on this? I got it all set up with the Greek. He’ll front us the money and only take a twenty percent vig.

JOHN

Not to mention that he’ll have a piggy back bet and probably score ten times what we’ll make.

NICK

Of course, he’s a business man. Look it will be an easy couple of grand for us — who cares how much he makes.

JOHN

I told you I don’t like Bruno, I don’t want anything to do with him.

NICK

I’ll deal with him. You won’t need to get within five miles of him All you’ll need to do is your part and collect the money from me.

JOHN

And what if we get caught?

NICK

How we gonna get caught? We already made the tournament. We got nothing to play for. Everybody has a bad game. So you score twenty points instead of thirty — you think anybody’s going to notice? It’s the last game of the season. It’ll be easy peasy Japenesey.

JOHN

And this is only a one time thing — Bruno doesn’t expect any action in the tournament.

NICK

No — he said one and done.

JOHN

The guys a damn liar. The big money is in the tournament. There’s no way he won’t expect us to fix the tournament too.

NICK

I know the guy. We went to Xaverian in Brooklyn together. We’re solid. If he says it’s a one off it’s a one off. I trust the guy.

JOHN

Well I don’t. In my book he’s a sleaze bag.

NICK

You trust me don’t you?

JOHN

I’m not so sure I trust you either.

NICK

Okay, I’ll come clean with you. I owe Bruno big time — he said if I don’t pay him back soon things could get ugly.

JOHN

How much?

NICK

Ten grand.

JOHN

Well that’s your problem — not mine.

NICK

You don’t give a rat’s ass about me do you? I’m your only friend on the team and you’d throw me under the bus without a second thought wouldn’t you.

JOHN

We both know these things don’t end well. We do it once and Bruno will have us by the balls. He’ll expect us to fix the entire tournament as well.

NICK

How many times do I got to tell you it’s one and done. I’m sure if I tell Bruno that’s your terms he won’t press us for a second shot.

JOHN

Even if I wanted to save your ass I couldn’t do it to Coach K. If it ever came out I shaved points it would ruin both our careers. I could never do that to him — he’s been like a father to me.

NICK

So if I wind up in the trunk of a car with a bullet in the back of my head you couldn’t give a shit — is that it?

JOHN

You made you bed now you’ve got to sleep in it.

NICK

I can’t believe this shit — after all I done for you. When you got here four years ago you were some hick from Podunk, Kentucky and I showed you all the ropes. I lent you money when you didn’t have a pot to piss in. I let you hang out with me even though you had the social skills of a dork. And this is the way you repay me?

JOHN

I appreciate all you’ve done for me but what your asking is a bridge too far.

NICK

After they come for me, they’ll be coming for you. Don’t think I won’t tell them you were involved in all this shit too and you owe them money. I’ll through you under the bus in a heartbeat.

JOHN

You don’t scare me — and anyway I know how to take care of myself. I need to go. I’ll catch you at warm-ups later.

John picks up his gym bag and heads toward the exit. Nick shouts after him.

NICK

You got six hours to change your mind. You hear me? I’m countin’ on you1 Don’t let me down. You hear me! I’m countin’ on you Bro! Don’t let me down. You hear me!

END

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Critique for Karen Armbrust scene rewrite.

1. Nice touch to have Robert give the bartender a tip to show his character.

2. Would like to see more show and less tell in Suzannes behavior. Possibly have Robert recall an incident at work so we can have a visual.

3. Effective turning of the tables by Trent on Robert to demonstrate his character.

4. Good use of inference in the final scene rather than the actual attack in the restroom.

5. Felt the scene could have had snappier dialogue, often the verbal exchanges came off as expository rather than natural.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – QE Cycle #1: Scene Re-Write

TRENT – 40, 6 ft, stocky, buzz cut, wears Jets t-shirt with jeans and sports jacket.

ROBERT – 35, 5’8”, slicked back black hair, wears flashy suit and floral wide lapeled shirt.

INT. HOTEL BAR

Robert and Trent stand at the hotel bar drinking beers.

TRENT

So, you’ve done a hook-up on Instagram before?

ROBERT

Sure — all the time. The babes love me.

TRENT

Then you know the drill.

ROBERT

Been there, done that. Got the steam card in my pocket. If she looks the same as advertised the money is as good as yours.

TRENT

You like them young, don’t you.

ROBERT

Don’t we all.

TRENT

And blonde.

ROBERT

Guilty as charged.

TRENT

You know the rules right? Nothing kinky. No bondage or pain. If she says stop, you stop. Agreed.

ROBERT

Of course — do I look like a guy who would hurt a woman. What do you take me for some low life? You’re looking at Mr. Smooth Operator.

TRENT

No, you look cool — but you never know looks can be deceiving.

ROBERT

Tell me about it. That’s why I don’t pay until I can see the merchandise in person. Nothing like expecting a Mercedes and winding up with dump truck. You get my drift, right?

TRENT

My sentiments exactly. She’s a sweet young thing, college student, so discretion is very important. I don’t like loose lips, that can lead to things getting messy, and we don’t want that do we?

ROBERT

You are preaching to the choir. And in turn, you and me never met. Everything here is on the Q.T..

TRENT

Not a problem. I think she’s your type. I feel she might even surprise you.

ROBERT

I love surprises.

TRENT

Good. She likes to exceed expectations — giving her clients more than they bargained for.

ROBERT

That’s music to my ears. I’ve got a few tricks of my own too.

Robert sticks out his tongue and wags it up and down.

TRENT

You’re the man. Let’s get going.

Trent raises his glass for a toast.

TRENT

To an awesome night. Cheers!

Robert raises his glass and clinks Trent’s glass.

ROBERT

Cheers!

Trent and Robert exit the bar.

INT. HOTEL HALLWAY

Trent unlocks the room door with the keycard and motions for Robert to enter first.

INT. HOTEL ROOM

ROBERT

Where is she?

TRENT

Who?

ROBERT

Tiffany. Who the hell do you think I’m talking about.

TRENT

She left, she decided you weren’t her type.

ROBERT

What the fuck is this a shakedown?

TRENT

No, I would call it retribution. Her friend Sandy told Tiffany what you were really like.

ROBERT

Who the hell is Sandy?

TRENT

You don’t remember Sandy?

ROBERT

No, of course not. Why should I remember some hook-up named Sandy that never happened?

TRENT

Because she remembers you. After you screwed her last month you said she was a bad girl and needed to be punished. You spanked her so hard you left her butt and thighs black and blue. Then when she fought back you punched her in the face giving her a swollen jaw and black eye.

ROBERT

That wasn’t me — you got the wrong guy.

TRENT

It was you all right — she sent me the pic you exchanged with her on Instagram. The one where you were in your boxers — flexing your pecs and biceps.

ROBERT

Okay, it was an accident. She said she was into spanking and things got out of hand — it happens. And I didn’t mean to punch her in the face — I’m really sorry about that. I just flew off the handle – I don’t know what got into me.

Trent takes a step toward Robert.

TRENT

And this is an accident too.

Trent gut punches Robert, and as he doubles over Trent then karate chops him in the back of the neck, sending him to the floor. Robert curls up on the floor groaning in agony. Trent kneels and takes Robert’s wallet from his back pocket removing the steam card and cash.

TRENT

Since you appear to be genuinely sorry, I’m sure you won’t mind making a small contribution to pay for her medical bills.

Trent gets up.

ROBERT

You sonofabitch — you’ll pay for this!

Trent kicks Robert in the gut. Robert groans in agony.

TRENT

Sandy told me to kick you in the balls, but I told her that wasn’t a guy thing.

ROBERT

Don’t think this is over. I know people. You’ll get yours.

TRENT

You threatening me?

ROBERT

I’m telling you you’re messing with the wrong guy — I got connections.

TRENT

Fuck the guy thing!

Trent kicks Robert in the balls. Robert let out a blood curdling groan.

ROBERT

Just you wait dirtbag — your ass is mind.

TRENT

I don’t see why you are taking this so hard Casanova — I thought you said you liked surprises.

Trent gives Robert a mock salute goodbye and exits the room.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – QE Cycle #1: Scene Re-Write

TRENT – 40, 6 ft, stocky, buzz cut, wears Jets t-shirt with jeans and sports jacket.

ROBERT – 35, 5’8”, slicked back black hair, wears flashy suit and floral wide lapeled shirt.

INT. HOTEL BAR

Robert and Trent stand at the hotel bar drinking beers.

TRENT

So, you’ve done a hook-up on Instagram before?

ROBERT

Sure — all the time. The babes love me.

TRENT

Then you know the drill.

ROBERT

Been there, done that. Got the steam card in my pocket. If she looks the same as advertised the money is as good as yours.

TRENT

You like them young, don’t you.

ROBERT

Don’t we all.

TRENT

And blonde.

ROBERT

Guilty as charged.

TRENT

You know the rules right? Nothing kinky. No bondage or pain. If she says stop, you stop. Agreed.

ROBERT

Of course — do I look like a guy who would hurt a woman. What do you take me for some low life? You’re looking at Mr. Smooth Operator.

TRENT

No, you look cool — but you never know looks can be deceiving.

ROBERT

Tell me about it. That’s why I don’t pay until I can see the merchandise in person. Nothing like expecting a Mercedes and winding up with dump truck. You get my drift, right?

TRENT

My sentiments exactly. She’s a sweet young thing, college student, so discretion is very important. I don’t like loose lips, that can lead to things getting messy, and we don’t want that do we?

ROBERT

You are preaching to the choir. And in turn, you and me never met. Everything here is on the Q.T..

TRENT

Not a problem. I think she’s your type. I feel she might even surprise you.

ROBERT

I love surprises.

TRENT

Good. She likes to exceed expectations — giving her clients more than they bargained for.

ROBERT

That’s music to my ears. I’ve got a few tricks of my own too.

Robert sticks out his tongue and wags it up and down.

TRENT

You’re the man. Let’s get going.

Trent raises his glass for a toast.

TRENT

To an awesome night. Cheers!

Robert raises his glass and clinks Trent’s glass.

ROBERT

Cheers!

Trent and Robert exit the bar.

INT. HOTEL HALLWAY

Trent unlocks the room door with the keycard and motions for Robert to enter first.

INT. HOTEL ROOM

ROBERT

Where is she?

TRENT

Who?

ROBERT

Tiffany. Who the hell do you think I’m talking about.

TRENT

She left, she decided you weren’t her type.

ROBERT

What the fuck is this a shakedown?

TRENT

No, I would call it retribution. Her friend Sandy told Tiffany what you were really like.

ROBERT

Who the hell is Sandy?

TRENT

You don’t remember Sandy?

ROBERT

No, of course not. Why should I remember some hook-up named Sandy that never happened?

TRENT

Because she remembers you. After you screwed her last month you said she was a bad girl and needed to be punished. You spanked her so hard you left her butt and thighs black and blue. Then when she fought back you punched her in the face giving her a swollen jaw and black eye.

ROBERT

That wasn’t me — you got the wrong guy.

TRENT

It was you all right — she sent me the pic you exchanged with her on Instagram. The one where you were in your boxers — flexing your pecs and biceps.

ROBERT

Okay, it was an accident. She said she was into spanking and things got out of hand — it happens. And I didn’t mean to punch her in the face — I’m really sorry about that. I just flew off the handle – I don’t know what got into me.

Trent takes a step toward Robert.

TRENT

And this is an accident too.

Trent gut punches Robert, and as he doubles over Trent then karate chops him in the back of the neck, sending him to the floor. Robert curls up on the floor groaning in agony. Trent kneels and takes Robert’s wallet from his back pocket removing the steam card and cash.

TRENT

Since you appear to be genuinely sorry, I’m sure you won’t mind making a small contribution to pay for her medical bills.

Trent gets up.

ROBERT

You sonofabitch — you’ll pay for this!

Trent kicks Robert in the gut. Robert groans in agony.

TRENT

Sandy told me to kick you in the balls, but I told her that wasn’t a guy thing.

ROBERT

Don’t think this is over. I know people. You’ll get yours.

TRENT

You threatening me?

ROBERT

I’m telling you you’re messing with the wrong guy — I got connections.

TRENT

Fuck the guy thing!

Trent kicks Robert in the balls. Robert let out a blood curdling groan.

ROBERT

Just you wait dirtbag — your ass is mind.

TRENT

I don’t see why you are taking this so hard Casanova — I thought you said you liked surprises.

Trent gives Robert a mock salute goodbye and exits the room.

[William Whelan]

willaim Whalen – Assignment 5: write the scene

INT. HOTEL BAR

Robert and Trent stand at the hotel bar drinking beers.

TRENT

So, you’ve done a hook-up on Instagram before?

ROBERT

Sure — all the time. The babes love me.

TRENT

Then you know the drill.

ROBERT

Been there, done that. Got the steam card in my pocket. If she looks the same as advertised the money is as good as yours.

TRENT

You like them young, don’t you.

ROBERT

Don’t we all.

TRENT

And blonde.

ROBERT

Guilty as charged.

TRENT

You know the rules right? Nothing kinky. No bondage or pain. If she says stop you stop. Agreed.

ROBERT

Of course — do I look like a guy who would hurt a woman. What do you take me for some low-life?

TRENT

No, you look cool — but you never know looks can be deceiving.

ROBERT

Tell me about it. That’s why I don’t pay until I can see the merchandise in person. Nothing like expecting a Mercedes and winding up with dump truck. You get my drift right?

TRENT

My sentiments exactly. She’s a sweet young thing and I think she might surprise you.

ROBERT

I love surprises.

TRENT

Good. She likes to exceed expectations — giving her clients more than they bargained for.

ROBERT

That’s music to my ears.

TRENT

Let’s get going then.

Trent raises his glass for a toast.

TRENT

To an awesome night. Cheers!

Robert raises his glass and clinks Trent’s glass.

ROBERT

Cheers!

Trent and Robert exit the bar.

INT. HOTEL HALLWAY

Trent unlocks the room door with the keycard and motions for Robert to enter first.

INT. HOTEL ROOM

ROBERT

Where is she?

TRENT

Who?

ROBERT

Tiffany. Who the hell do you think I’m talking about.

TRENT

She left, she decided you weren’t her type.

ROBERT

What the fuck is this a shakedown?

TRENT

No, I would call it retribution. Her friend Sandy told Tiffany what you were really like.

ROBERT

Who the hell is Sandy?

TRENT

You don’t remember Sandy?

ROBERT

No, of course not. Why should I remember some hook-up named Sandy that never happened?

TRENT

Because she remembers you. After you screwed her last month you said she was a bad girl and needed to be punished. You spanked her so hard you left her butt and thighs black and blue. Then when she fought back you punched her in the face giving her a swollen jaw and black eye.

ROBERT

That wasn’t me — you got the wrong guy.

TRENT

It was you all right — she sent me the pic you exchanged with her on Instagram. The one where you were in your boxers — flexing your pecs and biceps.

ROBERT

Okay, it was an accident. She said she was into spanking and things got carried away. I didn’t mean to punch her in the face.

Trent takes a step toward Robert.

TRENT

And this is an accident too.

Trent gut punches Robert and he doubles over. Trent then karate chops him in the back of the neck sending him to the floor. Robert curls up on the floor groaning in agony. Trent kneels down and takes Robert’s wallet from his back pocket removing the steam card and cash.

TRENT

Since you appear to be genuinely sorry, I’m sure you won’t mind making a small contribution to pay for her medical bills.

Trent gets up.

ROBERT

You sonofabitch — you’ll pay for this!

Trent kicks Robert in the gut. Robert groans in agony.

TRENT

Sandy told me to kick you in the balls but I told her that wasn’t a guy thing.

ROBERT

Don’t think this is over. I know people. You’ll get yours.

TRENT

I don’t see why you are taking this so hard. I thought you said you liked surprises.

Trent gives Robert a mock salute goodbye and exits the room.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Max interest Part 1.

Logline: Betty and Grandpa decide to ask Jim if Betty can spend a year at the Artist Retreat.

Essence: Betty wants to remain at Artist Retreat and not return to Chicago for college.

Interest techniques: Suspense, more interesting setting, uncertainty.

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to use max interest techniques as a tool to bring my scenes alive and dynamic.

EXT. RIVERBANK BEHIND farmHOUSE

Betty and Grandpa stand on the riverbank. Betty eats wild raspberries while Grandpa watches the river flow by.

GRANDPA

Go easy on the wild raspberries White Swan — you don’t want to get a belly ache in the car on your ride home.

BETTY

I don’t want to leave Grandpa; I love it here.

GRANDPA

Don’t forget our agreement with your father was that you would return to Chicago in time to start the fall semester at Carnegie-Mellon.

BETTY

Can’t you convince him to let me stay? Tell him that I need a year off before starting college to find myself.

GRANDPA

I’m not sure “finding yourself” is a concept your father understands. You’ll be back next year — let’s not ruin a good thing by getting your father upset.

BETTY

You promise not to die over the winter?

GRANDPA

Where did that come from? Does it look like I’m on my last legs?

BETTY

You do use a cane. I would feel better if you promised me that you would be here next summer.

GRANDPA

Of course, I promise you.

Betty hugs Grandpa as she speaks.

BETTY

I feel better now but I still don’t want to leave.

Grandpa’s phone rings.

GRANDPA

Hi Jim. (pause) You’re in the driveway? Okay, we are down by the river. The door’s unlocked — so let yourself in. We’ll meet you out on the patio in a few minutes.

Grandpa ends the call.

BETTY

Does he sound mad?

GRANDPA

No, but we both know that can change in a heartbeat.

BETTY

How mad do you think he will get when I tell him I need a year off to find myself?

GRANDPA

On a scale of one to ten?

BETTY

Yeah.

GRANDPA

Fifteen.

Both Betty and Grandpa laugh.

GRANDPA

C’mon, let’s head back to the house. “Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand!”.

Betty and Grandpa head up the hill to the farmhouse.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan—Character Assignment

Person 1: Ebullient, demonstrative, hypocrite, transactional.

Person 2: Mercurial, unselfish, absentminded, introspective.

Person 3: Self-absorbed, clueless, talented, selfish.

What I learned to improve my writing is creating 3-D characters by considering a panoply of traits and not those which are self-evident and obvious.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is to increase conflicts in scenes.

Script: Promises….Unpromises.

Scene 1 :

Location: Backroad in Vermont.

Logline: Jim Anderson walks around outside of car trying to get GPS signal.

Essence: Increase conflict through dialogue.

New Logline: While Jim searches for signal Betty rolls down car window and tells her father that her mother, Margaret, has found the directions on a paper map.

Scene 2:

Location: Back patio of Vermont Artist retreat.

Logline: Jim rolls his eyes when it is revealed Phoebe is a woman.

Essence: Increase conflict through dialogue.

New Logline: Jim and Phoebe have a verbal exchange over gender identity.

Scene 3:

Location: Back patio of artist retreat.

Logline: Jim forbids Betty to have a CBD gummie for menstrual cramps because she is underage.

Essence: Increase conflict through dialogue.

New Logline: Margaret says she wants a gummie and is not underage.

Scene 4:

Location: Back patio of Artist retreat.

Logline: Jim tells Betty she cannot spend the summer at her grandfather’s artist retreat.

Essence: Increase conflict through dialogue.

New Logline: Betty pushes back and says she will not leave and for her parents to leave without her.

Scene 5:

Location: Backyard of artist retreat.

Logline: Jim observes love scene between Betty and Lance over Zoom.

Essence: Increase conflict through dialogue.

New logline: Jim protests to his father over cell phone about the love scene.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan – Find the Essence

Thelma and Louise

Scene 1:

Location: Thelma’s living room.

Logline: Thelma does not tell Darryl she is going away for the weekend with Louise.

Essence: Thelma avoids conflict with Darryl/men.

Scene 2:

Location: Int. Silver Bullet

Logline: Thelma and Louise order drinks.

Essence: Both women are fed up with their present humdrum lives and want some excitement/

Scene 3:

Location: Parking lot Silver Bullet.

Logline: Louise shoots Harlan

Essence: Louise is fed up with women being disrespected by men.

Scene 4:

Location: Ext. Convenience store

Logline: Thelma hops in car after robbing store.

Essence: Thelma buys into being an outlaw on the run.

Scene 5:

Location: Grand Canyon

Logline: Louise puts the car in gear and floors it.

Essence: Death is the ultimate freedom.

Most profound Essence Scene:

INT. CAR – DAY

They are still looking at each other really hard.

THELMA

You’re a good friend.

LOUISE

You, too, sweetie, the best.

(SHOOT WITH OR WITHOUT.)

MUSIC: B.B. King song entitled “Better Not Look Down”

begins. It is very upbeat.

LOUISE

Are you sure?

Thelma nods.

THELMA

Hit it.

Louise puts the car in gear and FLOORS it.

This scene is the most profound essence since Thelma and Louise have chosen dying together over incarceration. They have chosen to escape the consequences of what they consider justified actions and of which they will not get a fair trial. They have chosen the ultimate act of freedom – death.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan

I have written four screenplays. I am also a playwright and have written ten plays ranging from 10 minute plays to full length.

I hope to convert one of my stage plays to a screenplay.

I am a retired chemist and writing is a second career.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan

I agree to the terms of this release form

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.