[Zev Ledman]

Monologue Scene – JAWS

1. Please watch this scene and
   provide your insights into what makes this scene great from a writing
   perspective. The writing increases the emotional connection with the
   characters and the deepening angst about the shark stalking them. Quint’s
   monotone and the silence around him, focuses our attention on every word.
   As he continues telling the story of the relentless attack by the sharks,
   filling the audience with terror from the horrific, non-stop attack by the
   sharks. Even Quint’s final statement of, “I was most scared waiting to be
   picked up.” This elevates our fear even more with the realization that,
   the fewer men in the water, the greater the likelihood to be attacked and
   eaten by the sharks.
2. Read the other writers comments
   and make notes of how you will use a strong monologue in your script.
   Monologues are most effective when telling of past emotionally filled experiences
   that relate directly with the situation at hand.
3. Rethink or create a Monologue
   scene for your script using your new insights and rewrite the scene.

Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?” and post it in the 6 PM daily post here.

JAWS — The Shark story about USS Indianapolis

SETUP: A man-eating shark has attacked and killed tourist. These three have gone out in a boat to lure the shark away and kill it. This is the night before they have the final fight with the shark.

Watch 1st
time for:

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[Zev Ledman]

Ironic Dialogue- IN THE LINE OF FIRE

Irony means there are two opposites present and the combination is meaningful.

1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights into what makes this scene great from a writing perspective. You have two individuals that are at odds. Both are dangerous. One wants to kill the other, who happens to be the one that saved his life. The other is trying to kill the person who the other is trying to protect.

2. Read the other writers comments and make notes of how you might use ironic dialogue in your script.

3. Rethink or create an Ironic Dialogue scene for your script using your new insights and rewrite the scene. Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?” and post it in the 6 PM daily post here.

SETUP: There is a credible threat against the President’s life and Secret Service Agent Frank Horrogan must stop it. After the shooter saves Frank’s life, Frank gets a call from him with a few FYI’s.

Watch 1st time for:

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[Zev Ledman]

<b align=”center”>Stacking Intrigue – JFK

Intrigue means we are perceiving that there is something underhanded, covert, or dangerous under the surface

1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights into what makes this scene great from a writing perspective. The verbalization of uncharacteristic actions and directives by assorted agencies makes the audience question who was truly involved in the coordinated conspiracy to assassinate the president. At first, it seems like just some right-wing theory. But as more and more statements are expressed about unusual activities and procedures initiated both before and after the assassination by so many government personnel, we believe more and more in the unthinkable.

2. Read the other writers’ comments and make notes of how you might use intriguing dialogue in your script.

3. Rethink or create an Intriguing Dialogue scene for your script using your new insights and rewrite the scene. Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?” and post it in the 6 PM daily post here. One adds to the depth and strength of the intrigue by adding more and more layers of intrigue.

SETUP: JFK was assassinated in Dallas, but the crime is being investigated from New Orleans. Prosecutor Jim Garrison meets with an Intelligence Officer to get the real story.

Watch 1st time for:

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[Zev Ledman]

Week 4 Day 2: Character Profile in Dialogue — MOLLY’S GAME

Even if you don’t know a character’s profile, you can see parts of their profile in their dialogue — traits: Molly- resentful, bitter, scared, hurt. Father- Confident, caring, ashamed, seeks redemption, loves his daughter. Subtext: Doesn’t give a shit about her but will give her a quick, direct therapy session. In reality, cares deeply about her well-being and loves her. Molly has disdain and contempt for her father. In reality, she is insecure and wants her father to love her as much as the brothers. Want/Need: Father wants to protect his daughter/ needs her to want to be his daughter. Molly wants her father’s/ love/ Needs to know her father cared for her as much as her brothers. Subtext, flaw, wound, what makes them special, etc. Father got caught cheating on the mother by a young Molly and seeks redemption. Molly resented her father for loving the brothers more. A strong character will speak and act from their profile.

1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights into what makes this scene great from a writing perspective. Transformational scene. A lifelong schism exists between them at the start. By the end, they both understand each other and renew the father-daughter relationship.

2. Read the other writers comments and make notes of how you will increase the amount of profile that shows in your character’s dialogue.

3. Rethink or create a great scene filled with character profile dialogue for your script using your new insights and rewrite the scene. Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?” and post it in the 6 PM daily post here.

Molly’s Game — 3 Years of Therapy in 3 Minutes

SET UP: Molly has been charged with a federal crime for running an illegal poker game worth millions of dollars. While waiting for prosecutors to decide, she runs into her dad…who she has despised for most of her life.

Watch 1st for:

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[Zev Ledman]

Attack / Counterattack — GROSS POINTE BLANK

1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights into what makes this scene great from a writing perspective. The interaction between the Psychiatrist and his hitman patient. A little like the Sopranos, but with some bantering humor.

2. Read the other writers comments and make notes of how you will use reveals in your script.

3. Rethink or create an Attack / Counterattack scene for your script using your new insights and rewrite the scene. A very reluctant and scared Psychiatrist is unable to get rid of his patient. Martin, a hitman, muses on whether he should go to his 10^th High School reunion and interact with his classmates, especially with Debbie, his old sweetheart.

Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?” and post it in the 6 PM daily post here.

SETUP: Martin is a hitman who has an invitation to go back to his high school reunion and see his high school girlfriend that he abandoned. This is his regularly scheduled therapy session.

Watch for:

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[Zev Ledman]

Week 3 Day 5: Stacking Intrigue — GAME OF THRONES

Intrigue means we are perceiving that there is something underhanded, covert, or dangerous under the surface.

1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights into what makes this scene great from a writing perspective.- No dialogue. Action drives everything. Scene begins with 3 men on horseback passing though a gate. Then, a long passageway. Finally, they pass through a heavy gate into the winter wilderness. They eventually split up to scout the area. The youngest rider spots smoke rising from a fire and gets off his horse to investigate, and stealthily crawls up to the top of the hill. Upon seeing the ritualistic killing of many people, he turns to face off to a young child nailed to the tree, her eyes wide open. Scared to death he races away. We see a slow build up tension. From the long tunnel to the huge, heavy gate. With such a wall and gate, we know it to protect the fort from something menacing. The young man investigates with trepidation. What he sees is a shock to him as it is for the audience. But, when he turns to race of, he’s confronted with a small baby girl nailed to a tree, her eyes wide open.

2. Read the other writers comments and make notes of how you might create this kind of drama in your script.

3. Rethink or create a Stacking Intrigue scene for your script using your new insights and rewrite the scene. Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?” and post it in the forums.

Game of Thrones — Night Watch meets White Walkers

NOTE: This scene’s intrigue is done primarily through images and action, and a little through dialogue.

Watch 1st time for:· Basic scene components — Scene arc, situation, conflict, moving the story forward, entertainment value, and setups/payoffs.

Watch 2nd time for:

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[Zev Ledman]

Good action and unusual visuals can drive your story forward while making the scene more interesting and entertaining for the audience.

[Zev Ledman]

Week 3 Day 4 – Visual Reveals — BREAKING BAD

1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights into what makes this scene great from a writing perspective.

2. Read the other writers comments and make notes of how you will use reveals in your script.

3. Rethink or create a Visual Reveal scene for your script using your new insights and rewrite the scene. Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?” and post it in the forums.

Basic scene components — Scene arc, situation, conflict, entertainment value, moving the story forward, and setup/payoffs.

What makes this scene great? Right from the start, we see a clean, pressed, empty pair of pants flying through the air. What does that mean This is followed by an RV racing through the desert being driven by a guy wearing a gas mask in his underwear. Action is the only thing driving the story.

How 9 pieces of new info are revealed.

1. Pants flying in the air.

2. RV racing through the desert.

3. Driver wears a gas mask as does the passed-out passenger next to him.

4. Glass containers falling off the counter in the RV and we see 2 dead men on the floor of the RV.

5. Gas mask fogs up causing the driver to crash.

6. After exiting the RV, a large amount of fluid drains from the RV and the Driver removes his mask.

7. Driver hears police sirens and composes himself and puts on his shirt but can’t find his pants.

8. Driver holds breath before going back to retrieve his wallet, a moving camera, and a gun from the dead passenger on the floor.

9. Walt starts recording a confession.

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[Zev Ledman]

Week 3 Day 3: Take it to an Extreme – BRIDESMAIDS

1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights into what makes this scene great from a writing perspective. I thought the beginning was interesting up to the point where everyone got sick or had diarrhea. This is supposed to be a comedy. The bathroom scene & the shitting in the street was gratuitous at best. I didn’t think it was humorous at all. I get the competing for any drain to empty the bowels or stomach. Yes, it was making a scene extreme. But, added little to the comic relief. The end of the scene when the Upstart friend approached the BFF of the bride to ask her if the uncomfortable, sweating young woman was sick from eating at the dive and then offering her candied almonds added to the scene’s tension as she didn’t want to admit to food poisoning from the cheap diner she had recommended, due to her tight budget.

2. Read the other writer’s insights and make notes of how you will take a scene to an extreme.

3. Rethink or create a scene that goes to an extreme using your new insights and rewrite the scene. Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?” and post it in the forums.

Objective: To create a scene that escalates on a gradient from “normal to extreme.

“Watch 1st time for:· Basic scene components — Scene arc, situation, conflict, moving the story forward, entertainment value, and setups/payoffs.

Watch 2nd time for:·

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[Zev Ledman]

Week 3 Day 2: Twists — THE MATRIX

The scene moves in one direction, then suddenly turns in another direction. The change in direction is a twist.

1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights into what makes this scene great from a writing perspective. – This initially looks like a typical FBI interrogation, both in mannerisms and dialogue. The primary agent plays the typical good cop while Neo seems like a typical street-smart young man who’s not intimidated by them and knows his rights. However, after Neo gives them the finger, everything takes a strange turn with Neo’s mouth being sealed and almost like his lips are melting. This bizarre world takes another twist when the agents implant a metal device in him through his belly button, only to wake up in his bed, wondering if it’s a real-life nightmare was a dream, or did it really happen? Even the audience is unsure. So, we’re left wondering. And, it is only later that we learn the truth.

2. Read the other writer’s comments and make notes of how you will build suspense into your script.

3. Rethink or create a Twist scene for your script using your new insights and rewrite the scene. Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?” and post it in the forums.

The Matrix — Interrogation scene

Watch 1st for:· Basic scene components — Scene arc, situation, conflict, entertainment value, moving the story forward, and setup/payoffs.

Watch 2nd for:

What makes this scene great? Totally unexpected, making us wonder what is real. Or, is Neo just having a dream?

How the twist was set up. When Neo becomes totally uncooperative after the agent threatens him and tells him one way or another, he is going to help them. Neo is neither scared or intimidated.

What happened after the twist? Everything changes and we’re introduced to another unbelievable reality. Now, Neo is scared out of his skin. But is it real or a dream.

How the twist changed the direction and meaning of the scene. This scene is transformational. It takes us into a world we have never seen before, nor expected.

Interesting action and dialogue. Interrogator to Mr. Anderson: “One of these lives has a future and one does not.” Neo better make the right choice.

o Payoff: Action: Mr. Anderson blows him off and gives them the finger.

Interrogator to Mr. Anderson: “Tell me Mr. Anderson, what good is a phone call if you are unable to speak?”

o Payoff: Action: Immediately Mr. Anderson mouth seals and his lips become like goo.

Interrogator to Mr. Anderson: “You’re going to help us, Mr. Anderson, one way or another.”

o Payoff: Action: Neo is held down while having a tracking device inserted through his belly button.

What really makes this scene great is how everything is a surprise and unexpected. No one could have imagined such a concept before.

[Zev Ledman]

For suspense to have the biggest impact, we need to create a scene that both puts the audience on edge and surprises them with unexpected events. Even better if we could put them on an emotional roller coaster ride. And, let the action drive the story.

[Zev Ledman]

Week 3 Day 1: Suspense — JAWS

Suspense happens when the writer promises some consequence and then delays the delivery. The audience wonders and worries about the final outcome.

Please watch this scene and provide your insights into what makes this scene great from a writing perspective.

We know they’re after a man-eating shark. So, it looks like this is just another shark fishing expedition. No real concern from anyone. Some bantering from Quinn to Brody and Hooper. Neither like being ordered around. With indignation, Brody finally starts throwing the chum in the water. Startled by the appearance of the mammoth shark, Brody is in shock saying nothing until reaching Quinn. His first words, “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.” causing Quinn to investigate. Everyone including the audience is taken aback by the enormity of the beast and new tactics need to be used. Quinn goes below and brings up a case with spear like devices and an unusual rifle and quickly starts assembling it. Hooper and Brody head to the front and almost slip off the boat. We know that if anyone falls in the water, they’re done.

While all this is going on, a radio call from Brody’s wife. Quinn responds that everything’s fine, just catching a few fish. Why? We begin to see this has become a personal vendetta for Quinn that he intends to win.

Else ware, we see Hooper and a scared shitless Brody bantering about getting a photo of the shark. Fully loaded, Quinn prepares to shoot the shark, but he needs Hooper to connect the rope to the spear. With dusk approaching, Hooper decides to get a tracking device from the cabin which will do no good if the rope isn’t connected to the barrel. With the shark quickly approaching, time is running out. Hooper races to the barrels, but will he have time to connect the rope? As the shark passes by, Hooper struggles to connect the rope. Quinn yells at him to hurry. All the while Brody frantically yells to shoot the shark, both creating heightened tension. At the last second, Hooper connects the rope and Quinn shoots it. Bullseye. The shark now is dragging a barrel.

Quinn is relieved, assured that the barrel will be the demise of the enormous beast. They chase after the barrel. But the barrel doesn’t slow down the shark. Rather, the barrel disappears into the depths leaving everyone bewildered.

3. Rethink or create a Suspense scene for your script using your new insights and rewrite the scene. Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?” and post it in the forums.

SETUP: The shark has been feeding at the beach of this resort town. So far, it has killed two kids. Sheriff Brody hired Quinn to chase the shark out to sea and kill it. But the problem is that the shark now seems to be hunting the hunters!

IMPORTANT: Don’t get distracted by the music. While the music helps, the suspense of this scene is written in the script. Look for the writing decisions.

JAWS — You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

Watch 1st for:· Basic scene components — Scene arc – When the monstrous shark appears, situation – fisherman hunting a shark; conflict – fisherman hunting shark versus shark hunting fisherman; entertainment value – unexpected mammoth shark, shock at first sight, interesting and funny bantering between the 3 characters, seeing the shark become the hunter, the shark is not fazed by the barrel it is dragging; moving the story forward – fisherman hunts for the shark, shark hunts the fisherman, with a radio call from Brody’s wife we realize that Quinn is going to see this to the end: Setup/payoffs – put out chum, Shark comes to boat: Your gonna need a bigger boat, Quinn intends to make due; Shark comes at them several times, shark becomes the hunter; They hook the barrel to the shark to slow it down, no impact.

[Zev Ledman]

What makes this scene great from a writing
perspective? Such unusual conflict between 2 people. The masked Protagonist despises the bizarre-looking (his mask)antagonist, whereas the Antagonist sees the Protagonist as a Comrade in Arms. Both skirt the laws of their environment. Batman will go outside the law to achieve his goal and save Gotham. Joker goes outside the norms of criminal behavior, ie. no concern for money; even though in jail, his dialogue shows confidence that he’s in control.

The Joker’s bizarre bantering to Batman in an attempt to get him to understand that they’re not that dissimilar. Batman controls Joker through physical violence. In the end, we see Joker is the puppeteer and because of Batman’s need for critical information, Batman has no choice but to be manipulated by him.

“What I learned rewriting my scene…?” Protagonist
can be both good and evil, while seeking a good outcome. An Antagonist can
be evil and still draw the audience in to want to see more of him and watch
what actions he will take to achieve his goals.

Basic scene components — Scene
arc – When Batman realizes he is not having the effect he seeks through
physical violence, situation, conflict – Joker is in jail but in control,
entertainment value – the bantering of a bizarre painted Joker is so
unexpected and interesting., moving the story forward – we see by this
that the antagonist has plans for everything he does, making us want to
see what else he has up his sleeve. and setup/payoffs.

What makes this scene great? It
is the most unusual interaction between a masked protagonist/antagonist I
have ever seen. In one way they are opposites. In another, they’re the
same. Batman wants a good outcome. Joker doesn’t. Both will do whatever it
takes to achieve their goal. A highly intelligent, manipulative psychopath
(along the lines of Hannibal) sparing against a highly intelligent,
do-gooder who wants to save his city. Both are willing to go outside of
accepted norms to achieve the results they seek.

[Zev Ledman]

When we have a character that surprises us with unexpected behavior or traits, it’s more interesting and entertaining if we can show it through their actions rather than dialogue. In fact the less dialogue, the better.

[Zev Ledman]

We see unusual behavior and dialogue from everyone, especially in a supposedly high society gathering, ie, mother physically checking out Chris and asking her daughter about his sexual proclivity. Then, the older couple telling Chris how it’s the black man’s turn to bat. Then, seeing a black woman dressed like a guest, but being treated like a maid. And, finally with the interaction between Chris and the only other black man there. The unexpected high-society, interaction that would never be seen between 2 black men. Then, the unattractive, older lady approaches him and we see he is at her beck and call, as if he were a Stepford husband. Nothing is normal, so we know there’s something amiss. But, what is it?

[Zev Ledman]

I see the importance of setting up a scene with unexpected actions and behavior, especially in a place where you would never expect it. It becomes more interesting and can raise the entertainment value for the audience. Give the audience something that they have never seen before while making the scene believable.

[Zev Ledman]

Scene Mastery – Week 2 Day 4: Character Reveal – SPIDER-MAN

Even though your characters may not be superheroes, there are many things you will want to reveal about them. This scene shows that the reveal doesn’t have to be through dialogue. Action is more powerful than words. Very important to know!

Instructions:

Please watch this scene and provide your insights into what makes this scene great from a writing perspective. Read the other writers insights and make notes of how you will reveal character in interesting ways. Rethink or create your own Character Reveal scene using your new insights and rewrite the scene. Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?”

Objective: Create a scene that reveals something unique about one of your lead characters through action and situation.

Spiderman — Peter Parker finds out he has special powers.

Basic scene components — Scene arc – when Peter is no longer afraid of Flash due to his new found powers, situation, conflict – Peter and Flash’s bullying (relationship will never be the same), moving the story forward – We see Peter’s new superpowers which will guide the story moving forward, entertainment value – Lots of unique action, and setups/payoffs.

Watch 2nd time for:

What makes this scene great?

How is the reveal demanded by the situation? Without the reveal, we just have a kid having lunch. Big kid getting mad at the small kid for an accident, Bully beats up kid. We need some action to move the story.

How does the scene reveal Peter Parker’s powers through action? No words needed – actions tell everything, and more interesting and entertaining. First, Peter is baffled upon first seeing his newfound powers. Then, it turns from surprise to amusement, then turns to amazement, before finally settling in Confidence.

How does Peter and others react to the reveal? Peter gets a little cocky. The antagonist’s friend thinks he’s a freak. The girl Peter loves is confused and doesn’t know what to think.

[Zev Ledman]

GET OUT – Subtext 1

The scene opens up with an outside party of upper-crust patrons mingling with each other. The first conversation with Chris and his girlfriend’s parents gets awkward fast. Rose’s mother starts out by querying him about his sexual prowess due to the fact he’s black while checking his muscles. very unusual for a mother to do this in front of her daughter, especially upon the initial introduction. Further baffling is Rose’s reaction to her mother’s flirtation with her date and the father’s acknowledgment of his wife’s statements. Next, we have Chris in another awkward situation when an older couple explains how it’s the black people’s turn to run the world. Chris decides to extricate himself by telling everyone he wants to photograph some of the events.

Chris immediately notices a black woman being directed by the host to keep up with accommodating the guest. As Chris pans around the many guests and sees through the camera, someone is waving him over. Using the camera as cover, and acting like he doesn’t see anyone, he continues panning, only to be surprised to see another black man in attendance. Walking over to the black man, Chris is delighted that there’s a normal black man to talk with. That quickly changes when the overly polite black man begins the conversation with a rendition of Stepford wives for men. Chris is taken aback by the unnatural conversation when an older lady approaches them and we quickly determine there is a relationship between them. The overtly polite black man divulges Chris’ private conversation, after which the woman directs her boyfriend to another white couple who had been asking for him. Chris says goodbye and puts out his hand for a fist bump. The black man grabs Chris’ hand and gives him a handshake.

In this final Garden Party scene, Chris notices the black man showing off his outfit to some other people as if a child displaying their new outfit.

So, what’s really going on? We know something’s not right with the strange conversations and bizarre behavior we’ve all just witnessed by several of the attendees. Many seem to have an agenda, but what is it? Nothing is what it seems to be.

[Zev Ledman]

We have an unusual, public setting where the scene occurs for the antics that are about to transpire. Initially, there’s some bantering back and forth where a frustrated Sally expresses her delight in never hooking up with a noncommittal, nonchalant Harry. He doesn’t understand why Sally is troubled, especially in light of his ability to leave the women satisfied in light of his sexual prowess. This is the arc of the scene. After Sally questions Harry as to how is he so sure, Harry assures her he knows full well when a woman is satisfied. To his surprise and embarrassment, she challenges his foresight by acting like she’s experiencing an orgasm for all to hear. The diner acts as an audience for Sally’s display that Harry cannot refute. She ends by casually going back to eating her sandwich having accomplished her task by popping his balloon. Harry is left questioning his confidence in relationships. For further comic relief, an older lady asks the waiter to give her whatever Sally had.

[Zev Ledman]

It’s important to show characters in action-packed and interesting scenes. This is but one piece of the puzzle that will distinguish me as a writer and make my stories more captivating. Let the audience see things they’ve never experienced before.

[Zev Ledman]

The scene opens up with Jack, dazed and confused, trying to access what’s going on amid a crazy, noisy environment. He comes out from behind the bushes to investigate and is overwhelmed by the sight of the crashed plane and numerous passengers who have been injured and are in shock. He gets hold of himself to access the situation and begins directing people to assist him in helping the injured. It’s apparent he has medical training and has been in some type of leadership position in that he takes total control of the situation. The character is all the more interesting as he just seems like a normal person. Then, we see him become the hero. The scene uses several interest techniques to elevate the scene. We see a totally destroyed plane, but an engine is still operating. Later, we see an individual get sucked into that engine, causing it to explode.

[Zev Ledman]

When introducing a main character, it’s critical that this character stand out from everyone else, whether by unusual, unexpected action or unique, exciting dialogue, or a mix of both.

[Zev Ledman]

It’s critical that the audience be totally engaged in every scene, but especially in the climax. That’s where we need as many Interest Techniques incorporated into the science as possible. I rewrote my low of lows to do just that. Then, in the buildup to the climax, I added some additional Interest Techniques to make that scene more entertaining.

[Zev Ledman]

Se7en:

We start out in the boondocks where it looks like the detectives are in control, having apprehended the serial murderer, who is on his knees and handcuffed. He poses no danger to the detectives. Doe comes across as a Dr. Hannibal, cold, calculating, and emotionless. Doe has killed the previous 6 people for the deadly sins they committed. But, there’s one last deadly sin that needs to be addressed, wrath. Initially, it looks like he won’t have an opportunity to complete his sick objective. Then, a mysterious package is delivered that will change everything and everyone. When Somerset opens the box, he notices the blood. Upon further examination, he’s shocked to see what it is and looks towards Mills to warn him, but he’s out of ear’s reach. So, we hear Doe explaining what had transpired.

We realize that the detectives are not in control and never were. This is brought out as Doe tells Mills how he visited his wife in the morning after Mills left. He continues to elevate the drama, first by saying he tried unsuccessfully to rape his wife, so he took her head (now we know what was in the box). As Somerset approaches them, he explains that Doe wants Mills to kill him. Mills is conflicted between the responsibility of his job and the horrific crime Doe said he committed, so horrific that Mills questions whether he actually did it. When he demands Somerset tell him the box’s contents, the realization sets in. Doe increases Mill’s anger by saying his wife begged for her life. But, then adds even more anger when he explains how she begged for the child’s life inside of her, which both Mills and Somerset were unaware of. Doe and Somerset now know that Mills will complete the 7th deadly sin for him. We feel all the emotions with Mills and know Doe has to die. But, we also know this action will change their life forever.

Somerset’s last line, “If you kill him, he will win.” is Somerset’s last attempt to change Mills’ actions. But, it’s all futile because of Mills’ rage. He kills Doe, execution style which goes against all his training and ethics fulfilling the seventh deadly sin, wrath.

So many Interest techniques are used in this scene. Surprise – what’s in the box, Major twist- Detectives in control, now Doe is, Hook – what did Doe do? Suspense- we know Doe has done something terrible & want to know what it is. Dilemma- will Mills arrest him or kill him? Reveal- we first think Doe will just be arrested and put on trial, instead, he is killed. All of this adds to the tension and emotion of the story, making us want to watch the final outcome.

[Zev Ledman]

For my rewrite, I realized that I need the main character to be the primary catalyst in the low of lows. In other words, he needs to be the person reacting more than anyone else. So, instead of a secondary character reacting to the main character’s despair. I had the main character expressing his despair physically and verbally to the secondary character. I also had to change an earlier scene to create a situation where the main character shows his arrogance, only to be totally humbled in the low of lows. Thus, a pay-off for the arrogance.

[Zev Ledman]

A Few Good Men – Climax

Set-up: Kaffee is trying to get his 2 Marines off a murder conviction. The military Code of Silence has prevented Kaffee from being able to defend his clients from a life sentence. It has also given Jessup the upper hand all through the proceedings. So, the only way to get to the truth is to have Col Jessup admit he ordered a Code Red on a weak Marine that died from the hazing. But, if it doesn’t work, he could be dishonorably discharged. Even his friend/partner shakes his head to warn him not to go down that road. He contemplates with great angst. But, after looking at his clients and seeing Jessups’ berating attitude towards him, Kaffee decides to go for broke. He confidently takes control and orders the Col. back to the witness stand. However, we see how nervous he really is by his shaking hand as he gets a drink of water to prepare for the high-risk game he’s about to play.

He begins by setting a trap for Jessup using his own words and giving Jessup the impression he was calling the airmen that would refute his testimony regarding the nonexistent flight from Guantanamo. This puts Jessup on notice that he would have to explain his previous testimony. Kaffee is also counting on his arrogance and pride to get him to admit that he ordered a Code Red on a substandard Marine.

By first challenging his own words that contradict his previous testimony, Jessup is put in an uneasy position of having to explain his changed testimony. Jessup’s pride gets the better of him as he goes into a tirade about the importance of his position to safeguard the country and how sometimes he has to make difficult decisions to save his men and protect his country. Jessup finally admits his order of Code Red, which he feels is totally justifiable. His belief in his own self-importance makes him think he is irreproachable and can now go back to his base. Instead, he is arrested and his clients’ murder charges are dropped.

[Zev Ledman]

ACT 1 Turning Point – We see Chris ambushed by Rose’s Mom as walks in from the outside after smoking. Chris is unsure why Rose’s mother wants to talk to him but at the same time wants to be cordial. Is it about his smoking? Is it about Rose? He’s aware that Rose’s mother does hypnosis, but he thinks it requires a specific device (like a clock swinging back and forth) in order to hypnotize anyone. So, he’s unaware that her calm voice and her continual stirring of the spoon are drawing him into a hypnotic state of mind. When he can’t move, she knows he’s in a hypnotic trance and has him wander into a deep abyss. From an audience standpoint, we’re aghast as to why is she doing this to Chris. For what purpose? And, why Chris? As an audience, we want to know these questions, but we know Chris will never be the same.

Act 2 Turning Point – Several of the guests engage Chris in a conversation regarding the fact that he’s black and how that has impacted his success. Chris is polite but will have none of it. Rather, he addresses the only other black man to get him to answer. That person is calm and composed. But, the more he talks, the more we realize that something is off. There’s no emotion and the older woman next to him seems to guide him. As Chris has now become suspicious of everyone around him (including the black man), he takes a picture of the man, not realizing that the flash is still on. The flash triggers a dramatic response from the calm, composed person as if taking him out of a trance, almost like he woke up to what was really going on. In desperation, he tries to warn Chris to leave. The man is then subdued and taken away. Many questions arise. Why was this person hypnotized? What purpose does he serve? In reality, is he a prisoner in his own mind? Later, we see the man docile and apologetic again. He seems to have reverted into his trance state with the help of others, especially Rose’s Mom. All this elevates Chris’ suspicions and distrust of everyone other than Rose, who seems to be oblivious to everything.

Act 3 Turning Point – Chris is desperate to leave. He keeps asking Rose for the keys, but she’s having difficulty finding them. Rose is the only person he can trust. A young man is by the door twirling a lacrosse stick in a threatening manner. An older gentleman approaches in the adjacent room and asks what his purpose in life was with a faint warning that everything eventually except the divine humans who are locked in their cocoons (human bodies). Young Man takes a swipe at Chris. With this bizarre chain of events, Chris realizes that things are getting stranger by the minute & he’s got to leave NOW! He yells at Rose to get the keys several times in desperation. Rose finally produces them but informs him that she can’t give them to him. Chris steps back coming to the realization that he’s on his own and can trust no one. When he charges the Young Man, Rose’s mother tapes her teacup, putting him back into a hypnotic trance. Why is Chris even there? Was he selected for an experiment? Is there any way out, or will he become a docile and compliant person like the only other Black Man?

[Zev Ledman]

This is a prime example of a contained movie that relies on dialogue to move the story forward. The inciting incident – 11 vote guilty on the murder conviction, 1 not guilty. Some have strong opinions, others are lackadaisical about the fate of the Young man’s life. Only one person questions the potential innocence of the person on trial, and not that strongly. He’s cool, calm, and collected and he wants to hear from everyone on why they think the Young man is guilty. Will the 11 prevail over the 1? Will the 1 stubbornly hold out? Or, will the 1 sway any of the 11? And, if he does, who will it be? The ones who seem to have little to no interest in the fate of the Young Man, or will it be the strongly opinionated jurists, or the ones who are pissed that he’s making them prolong the inevitable, or will it be the one that feels he’s guilty and doesn’t really want to analyze the merits of the case? So, after the inciting incident, we’re not really sure where the story will go. What will be the final fate of the Young man, because as things look, only one person holds the life of the Young man in check?

We feel the protagonist has the moral high ground and we want to see him prevail. But, will he?

What I learned: One can effectively use dialogue, character personalities, and a critical situation as a means of drawing the audience into the story. Properly used, it can become another tool in the toolbox to advance our story.

[Zev Ledman]

Everything starts with lots of action. So many interest techniques are used throughout the scene. First, men in clown masks break a glass panel and shot a zip line across to the next building. What’s this all about? Next, a man is holding a clown mask and slips it on prior to entering the SUV. There, we find more men in clown masks. Why? Then, 2 clowns zipline across to the other building high above the street. What is worth taking such a high-risk endeavor? The clowns in the SUV discuss who gets a share, but the 3rd clown remains silent. Who is this Joker person? The clowns enter the building. Now, we realize it’s a bank job. But, why clown masks instead of ski masks? The man cutting the silent alarm is surprised that it’s calling a private number. Why not 9-1-1? After disabling the alarm, the other clown kills him. Intriguing. The bank patrons have their hands tied and are given live grenades to keep them scared shitless from doing anything. The clown from the roof starts drilling the safe open but receives a jolt of 5,000 volts. Never heard of that before. Now, we’re told it’s a mob bank? Why would any criminal risk such an endeavor when they could just hit a regular bank?

Now, the clown from the roof that unlocks the safe is killed. Why are the robbers killing each other after accomplishing their task? With two clowns left, one figures out that he will be killed and prepares to execute the other. But, a school bus slams into him, killing him. The bus driver jumps out wondering why everyone is dead. Now, he’s killed. The last clown standing is now lectured and threatened by the severely wounded bank manager. Why is this clown not scared? Instead, the clown reacts by sticking some type of tube in his mouth with a string cord attached to it. What is it? A bomb? A flare? A smoke or poisonous gas bomb? The last clown pulls off the mask letting us see the strange, grotesque person under it. We now realize he is the leader and this is no normal criminal. As the clown jumps in the bus, the door closes on the cord causing the pin from the tube to release as he drives away. Something I haven’t seen before.

FADE IN: MACCABEES – THE REBELLION

EXT. JUDEA – TOWN OF EMMAUS – MIDDAY

JUDAH, (20) a cocky, religious Jew wearing a yamulka and fringes (2 long knotted strings on each side), and sparse beard, lugging a huge hammer, races away from badly damaged

idol of Zeus. Some Towns PEOPLE point to Judah, raising the alarm about the vandalism to the idol.

EXT. JUDEA – FOREST – DAY (LATE AFTERNOON)

Judah casually walks through the woods, carrying a huge hammer over his shoulder, occasionally chuckling.

A spear flies through the air and hits the tree next to a Judah, startling him.

YOUNG SOLDIER (O.S.) – Stop!

Judah turns and sees THEO, (30’s) an athletic, Greek Lieutenant and YOUNG SOLDIER, (mid-20’s) chasing him with swords drawn. They’re a ways off. Judah tosses the hammer and

races away.

INT. SCHOOL HOUSE – LARGE ROOM- DAY (DUSK)

JONAH,(mid-40’s) religiously-dressed teacher with a full beard, faces a room of lively religiously dressed, late-teen boys studying medium-sized scrolls on long tables with

benches. ELEAZER, a sprightly, (18) with a sparse beard sits in the front listening intently.

JONAH – And, what if they demand obedience?

ELEAZER – Did not Daniel defy the King’s decree in our time of captivity?

Jonah gives Eleazer a light nod, then notices it’s dusk.

JONAH – Okay, tomorrow we’ll study how we overcame other times of captivity.

As the students leave, Jonah jesters Eleazer hold up.

JONAH (CONT’D) – Eleazer, where’s Judah?

Eleazer shrugs and leaves. Jonah purses his lips and sighs.

TIME DISSOLVE:

Several lamps are lit. Jonah straightens up the tables and organizes the scrolls.

EXT. JUDEA – FOREST – NIGHT

Judah races into a clearing. Catching his breath, he looks back to see 2 torches, far in the woods, moving towards him.

He races to the lit schoolhouse before him.

INT. SCHOOL HOUSE – NIGHT

The door flies open and Judah, desperate, races in and locks the door with the wooden latch. Jonah glares at him.

JUDAH – Greek Soldiers!

Alarmed, Jonah points to the back and they dash to a large wooden chest, with gaps between the slats on its side.

They remove dozens of scrolls in the box, then Judah jumps in and Jonah covers him with a large prayer shawl and throws a bunch of scrolls on top of him before closing it.

JONAH – Keep silent, Judah.

Pounding on the door. Jonah throws a few scrolls on top of the box and races to the door and unlocks it.

Theo and Young Soldier barge in and check out the room.

THEO – Where is he?

JONAH – Who? There’s no one here, but me.

Judah peers through the slats of the box and sees Theo racing his way checking under the rows of desks. Judah freezes.

THEO – He was heading towards your school. I know it was one of your students.

Theo throws the scrolls off the top of the chest, lifts the lid, and shuffles around the scrolls. Nothing. He closes the lid.

JONAH – Everyone’s already gone.

THEO – You, come with us!

Judah sees the Soldiers grab Jonah and haul him away. Jonah glances at Judah and lightly shakes his head.

INT. ANTIOCH ROYAL PALACE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

Armed Guards line the Hall. KING ANTIOCHUS, mid-fifties and wearing a crown, sits on a throne with a dour look. LYSIAS, his mid-fifties Royal Chancellor, stands beside him. Jonah,

his hands tied in front, is knelt down before the King. Theo stands on one side of Jonah, Young Soldier on the other.

VOICE-OVER – In the year 175 BCE, Antiochus Epiphanies, considered the cruelest

of all the Hellenist Kings becomes King of the eastern provinces.

SUPERIMPOSE: JUDEA – 169 BCE

JONAH – I did nothing to your idols. But, neither will I bow down to them.

KING ANTIOCHUS – It’s those exact words that incite your students to vandalize our

statues!… The Athenian King kindly gifted me with something made for removing insolence from you religious fanatics. This seems like an opportune time to test it.

(to Theo) And, find that brazen young man.

Theo nods. Jonah’s anxious about Judah. The King waves them off, and Theo and Young Soldier drag Jonah away.

KING ANTIOCHUS (CONT’D) (to Lysias) – Rome’s power and influence is rising rapidly. It’s critical we unite all our people behind one set of customs and beliefs. Jason’s been High Priest over these Judeans for several years! So, why hasn’t he moved more of these stiff-necked people to our Greek ways, Lysias?

LYSIAS – King Antiochus, that honored and lucrative position would be prized by many. So, let us find another.

INT. LARGE PRISON ROOM – DAY

Theo and Young Soldier stuff a bound, loudly protesting Jonah into a huge brass bull through a large door and latch it. Other soldiers light the large wood stack under it. King Antiochus and Lysias watch as the wood burns.

KING ANTIOCHUS

It’s called the Brazen Bull. They said the tubes inside make the screams sound like… They said I’d have to hear it to believe it. Lysias gives him a puzzled look as the fire intensifies.

Kicking, banging and muffled cries are heard through the nostrils of the bull as the fire escalates under it. Smoke exits the nostrils and the banging and screams get louder, sounding more and more like a bull in distress. With smoke billowing out of the nostrils, the loud screams turn into sounds of a bull moaning. The King purses his lips

and tilts his head to Lysias who looks on in dread. Theo smirks at the shocked Young Soldier.

EXT. WALLED JEWISH CEMETERY – DAY

Waiting for them outside the gate is a saddened, mid-50’s MATISYAHU. Eleazer talks to an anxious Judah.

JUDAH – I was hiding. They just hauled him away. I didn’t know why. Or, was I

supposed to show myself and get arrested?

ELEAZER – Why did you need to hide?!

Judah is alarmed to see Theo and Young Soldier approaching. He tries to hide behind Eleazer so they don’t see him.

YOUNG SOLDIER – I really didn’t get a good look. But, he was older with dark hair.

THEO – All his students should be coming out soon. See if you can spot him.

All Jonah’s students, many with their parents, exit through the gates of the cemetery. Following behind them is ZALMY, his wife, Malka, AMOS and his wife, EVA (all middle-aged) and MIRIAM, Zalmy’s pretty eighteen-year-old daughter. All are solemn, some weeping.

Theo and Young Soldier can’t figure out who was the culprit, so Theo yells out to all the students.

THEO (CONT’D) – A reward of 15 silver drachmas for anyone who tells us who defaced our

statues.

Eleazer glares at Judah, who timidly looks down.

ZALMY – This is neither the time or place.

THEO – We tell you what to do, old man. (to the students) – Again, 15 drachmas, and no one will know. Go to any outpost.

Zalmy and Matisyahu look sternly at Theo and Young Soldier, who leave. Matisyahu hugs Zalmy.

MATISYAHU – Zalmy, Jonah was a dear friend. May the Holy One comfort you among the

mourners of Zion… You know we all wanted to be there.

ZALMY – Everyone here knows you’re a Cohen, Matisyahu. Nonetheless, we

appreciate you coming. (sighing) I told him to watch what he said. At least, he’s no longer suffering.

MATISYAHU – Amen. When you finish your time of mourning, my boys will come and

help with your harvest.

Judah moves from hiding behind Eleazer and approaches a teary-eyed

Malka and Miriam with empathy.

JUDAH – Shalom Malka… Miriam?… I’m so sorry about Jonah. He was my

dearest teacher. We grieve for him.

MIRIAM – My uncle never defaced their idols.

An anxious Judah presses his lips together as she weeps.

INT. ANTIOCH ROYAL PALACE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

King Antiochus sits on his throne with Lysias standing beside him. A late-40’s General GEORGIOS stands on the side of the room closely watching everyone and everything. A trimmed bearded, fiftyish MENELAOS stands before the King wearing the High Priest garments with a priestly turban.

MENELAOS – King Antiochus, circumcision, and the Torah bind our people to this

religion. As High Priest, I will end both to break their covenant. We’ll start in the large cities.

KING ANTIOCHUS – Make it so, Menelaos. But, don’t let me hear of any unrest. These

Romans would be quick to exploit any dissent.

Menelaos nods, bows, and leaves.

KING ANTIOCHUS (CONT’D) – General Georgios, send word to Commander Apolonios to return. You know how restless these Jews get when new decrees are enacted. Georgios bows and leaves. The King turns to Lysias.

KING ANTIOCHUS (CONT’D) – What of the Palaestra’s progress?

LYSIAS – Concerns have been voiced about the gymnasium’s proximity to their temple. Vandalism and protests continue to be a problem.

KING ANTIOCHUS – No further delays. Find these agitators and imprison them!

[Zev Ledman]

Hi everyone,

I’m Zev Ledman. I’m in a screenwriting group and have been writing for almost 20 years. However, I realized I had to up my game and have taken several classes by Hal & Cheryl. Without a doubt, these classes have improved my writing substantially. I hope this will be another class that takes me to the next level. Looking forward to seeing everyone’s comments on the lessons.

[Zev Ledman]

As a member of this group, I, Zev Ledman, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Zev Ledman]

A stronger, emotional connection is made with the audience by having an endearing character who overcomes so many obstacles in his life and sees his dreams realized.

[Zev Ledman]

Rudy’s lifelong dream is to go to Notre Dame and play on the football team. But, in reality, both are unfathomable because he has a learning disability and he’s way too small to play football. But, he’s got heart and determination. A mentor helps him to improve his learning and with great effort, he gets accepted to Notre Dame. He then tries out for the practice football team and even though he is far outmatched, he perseveres. As graduation draws near, Rudy’s dream to be on the field during the game is realized when a Player gives up his position so Rudy can be seen as part of the team in the final game. When other students, parents, and faculty realize Rudy is on the field, they cheer him on to have the coach let him play. With only 1 minute to go, Rudy is put in for one play, after which he prepares to return to the sidelines. However, with time still on the clock, the coach surprises him by letting him stay for the final play. He shows his grit by making the tackle on the final play. So, against all odds, Rudy has attained everything he has strived for. An endearing story of triumph for the ultimate underdog.

[Zev Ledman]

Cypher is almost the opposite of Neo. He’s cruel, selfish, jealous, self-engrossed, disloyal, uncaring, and loud. These two contrasting characters add to the dramatic interaction with the other people.

We see these traits stand out when he’s sitting on top of Morpheus, expressing his resentment for Morpheus while talking to Trinity. But, also when he kills his so-called friends with no remorse.

[Zev Ledman]

1. Provide your insights/breakthroughs into what makes this character great from a writing perspective.

Neo initially comes off as a quiet, unassuming, anti-establishment, counter-culture person who’s trying to solve the puzzle of what is the Matrix. But, his desire to know the answer makes him willing to take risks. It is this intent to know the truth that makes him take the red pill, changing his world as he knew it, forever.

That is one of the many qualities that make this character stand out. He knows there’s something not right in his world. And, he’s willing to throw caution to the wind in order to know the truth. Most people would have taken the blue pill and lived in ignorant bliss.

[Zev Ledman]

On his daughter’s wedding day, the Godfather cannot refuse any request for a favor. However, there are several issues that arise with Bonesera. First, he’s demanding and shows little respect for Corleone. Even though Corleone’s wife is Godmother to his only child, they have done their best to disassociate from the Godfather’s environment to show they are good and proud Americans. However, everything changes when Bonesera’s daughter is severely assaulted and the perps are set free with a slap on the wrist. Now, revenge brings Bonesera back into the old world. This is when the Godfather calls him out in a subtle but forceful way for disrespecting him and not even seeking his friendship. The Godfather goes further by letting him know that people will fear him because of his association with him. With trepidation, Bonesera gives him the respect he demands and hesitantly requests his friendship to exact revenge on his daughter’s perps. The Godfather lets Banesera know that he will be beholden to him.

What I learned: Sometimes the subtle display of power can be more effective than an aggressive display as was also seen in Hannibal’s communication.

[Zev Ledman]

Clarice is an ambitious Greenhorn agent that seeks to prove herself. She is given an opportunity to do just that when Jack Crawford lets her participate in one of the biggest cases of their time. But, to figure out this serial killer psychopath, Jack must gather information from another manipulating serial psychopath that’s in prison and uses Clarice to do this. He hopes that her innocence & naivety will let his guard down to get the info he needs.

Hannibal will, in turn, use her to get free of the cage he’s in. As his respect for her grows, he chooses to help her while using her to attain his ultimate goal, freedom. Freedom so he can continue his hunt for victims.

In my story, a self-righteous Judah leads the Zealot rebellion against the cruel King Antiochus, who seeks to end all Jewish beliefs and traditions. Judah must devise tactics to overcome the larger and superior armies sent against him. As his numbers and tactics improve, he eventually defeats the Greeks, while coming to the realization that he has his own faults that make him no better than anyone else.

King Antiochus seeks to end the rebellion by killing Judah in an attempt to unite his kingdom under one set of beliefs to stand up to the challenge of the growing Roman influence. He sends his army and spies to locate him but is outfoxed at every turn. In the final battle, the King has several surprises that initially devastate Judah’s army. In a strange twist, the King is mysteriously killed and his army is defeated.

[Zev Ledman]

Where do you see attraction show up for Ally?

Anyone that writes a song about someone with such emotion already has feelings.

Where do you see attraction show up for Jack?

Jack realizes how deep and intuitive Ally is and sees an incredible undiscovered talent that he wants to see blossom.

What is causing that attraction?

Two sensitive and wounded, yet talented people find solace in each other.

What drama is this scene built around?

Ally lets Jack see and hear her undiscovered talent. Jack is blown away and wants to help her attain her dream.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future)<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> showed up in these two <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>character’s words and actions?

Jack admires and appreciates talented singer/songwriters and encourages them. At the same time, he is becoming insecure about himself and goes to the bottle to deal with his demons. Ally’s life has been filled with the disappointment of lost dreams and deep struggles. Together, we see the possibility of them finding themselves by sharing love and leaning on each other in difficult times.

[Zev Ledman]

What makes this love triangle interesting?

Danny’s fresh out of prison and desires to reconnect with his wife. Tess is trying to put her life back together after being totally upended by Danny 5 years earlier. Still holding resentment for all the problems he created for her, she hopes Terry will be the answer to ending all her problems. But, Danny makes her realize that Terry is far from the right person for her. When Terry arrives, it appears he’s been tracking Danny’s every move and will do everything in his power to ensure he succeeds at nothing. Danny, on the other hand, is not intimidated by Terry and has other plans brewing.

Where do you see secrets, intrigue, and emotional needs?

Danny wants his wife back and is concerned with her choice of Terry. Danny is planning something and it looks like he will continue his life of stealing. Tess realizes that not all her needs are being met with Terry, but she wonders if Danny’s just trying to steer her away from him for some ulterior motive. Tess has an emotional for stability and safety. Terry needs to be in control and will use his position to attain that. He also lets Danny see that Tess is his and he will never get her back.

Where do you see conflict between each point of the triangle?

Danny is disappointed that Tess never reached out to him in jail. Tess is angry that she got caught holding the bay for his antics and was so humiliated, she had to leave her home city. Danny and Terry are jocking for position over Tess. Both are perturbed with one another and we know a payback will be coming from both of them.

What drama is this scene built around?

Tess shouldn’t be there. Something big is planned. Terry has Danny under a tight leash as he doesn’t trust him.

· What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

[Zev Ledman]

How is this power struggle created?

Numerous power struggles are going on between the white coaches who feel they’ve been passed over for the black coach. To the racist who’s telling the white coach that his time is coming, insinuating he has a sinister plan. Then, there are the 2 jocks challenging the coach’s authority. Finally, the subtle disdain shown by the parents watching everything from the sidelines.

What is it about these characters that demand this power struggle?

The black coach is confident & assertive, challenging the social norms of that time. The coaches, racist, and two jocks, Gary & his sidekick, have been used to dictating their demands on staff. They see a coach who isn’t intimidated or cowering to any of them. Then, he further asserts his position over Gary and his sidekick until Gary is humiliated and backs down for all to see.

How does each character’s audience influence and depend upon this power struggle?

The racist, the white coaches, the white parents, and Gary & his sidekick want the black coach to fail so they can show themselves as being superior. The black coach & asst coach want to show that they’re no different from the white folks, but will demand the respect and obedience of their position.

What drama is this scene built around?

The drama is created by the tension between all the characters and the black coach.

What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two characters’ words and actions?

The black coach’s quick reaction to the disrespect shows that he has experienced this more than once in the past and will cut them off at the knees before allowing the behavior to escalate. We see that Gary’s confidence is quickly deflated when challenged reflecting many insecurities. But, what are they? The class bully isn’t used to being challenged. So many blatant and subtle prejudices are seen in this short scene allowing for many setups and payoffs as the story continues.

[Zev Ledman]

LOGLINE: MAXINE and RENEE want the same job, but there’s only one opening.

ESSENCE: Maxine and Renee are friends, but will stop at nothing to get the advantage for a promotion.

TRAIT YOU CHANGED:

SCENE: Holiday Party at a Hotel Ballroom

SITUATION: One person promises the other that they kept the secret, but really didn’t.

SCENE ARC: From: The promise confirmed
to: the other person discovering the secret is out.

A couple of hundred people dressed in a dressy casual, while others are in suits and semi-formal dresses. They mull about in fancy Hotel Ballroom with twenty tall, small round table which people use to set their drinks and cocktail plates on as they mingle about. Music blares from a stage where a DJ spins records. A buffet area with plates, silverware and napkins are set on both sides of the hall where people serve themselves an assortment of food. There are also two open bars areas with lines of people waiting for drinks.

MAXINE, an early thirties wearing a pants suit, talks with JASON REYNOLDS, the General Manager, who occasionally smiles and nods. Maxine notices RENEE, her early thirties gregarious friend, dressed to the hilt, coming towards them and quickly turns back to Mr. Reynolds and, after saying a few words, shakes his hand and leaves for a table made up of five fellow employees, all in their late twenties and dressed to impress who talk and laugh as they eat and drink.

BETHANY, Maxine’s friend who’s dressed in a low-cut red dress, showing her cleavage, and wearing heels nods her head up to Maxine as she approaches. ROB, a tall, good-looking slickster smiles and winks at her. Maxine sets her drink down beside them.

BETHANY: So, how did it go? I see Renee talking with him.

MAXINE: She’s just a brown-noser. It won’t help her.

Rob watches Renee talking to Jason Reynolds.

ROB: You sure?

MAXINE: Really! Come on… So, how’s the party?

ROB: Free food, free booze, good-looking women. It don’t get no better.

Rob winks at Maxine who slyly looks at Jason as he gives an uninterested smile to Renee whose trying to talk with him. After a few minutes, he jesters that he has to go. Maxine cracks a smile.

A dejected Renee looks over the hall and notices Maxine smiling at her while waving her over.

MAXINE: Renee, I was worried you weren’t coming.

RENEE: Hi everybody. Sorry, I’m late. I had to change because I spilled a glass of wine on my dress. So, I certainly couldn’t come like that.

ROB: Not sure what the other outfit looked, but you’re looking good.

Everybody else smiles and nods to her.

RENEE (CONT’D): What were you and Jason talking about?

MAXINE: Mr. Reynolds was just asking how work was going.

RENEE: Huh, I tried talking to him, but he told me he needed to go to the podium.

MAXINE: He is the Manager.

RENEE: Surely, he could have taken a few minutes.

Maxine acts like she’s distracted as Mr. Reynolds taps on the microphone at the podium and starts clapping enthusiastically, trying to make sure Mr. Reynolds notices her.

Renee looks at her suspiciously as Jason speaks in the microphone, a drink in hand.

JASON: How’s everyone doing tonight?

Cheering, whistling, and clapping is heard throughout the hall.

JASON (CONT’D): We had a great year. And, that was thanks to all of you. So, let’s keep that momentum going. Your hard work will allow us to grow even more.

More cheers, clapping, and whistling.

JASON (CONT’D): This is my little way of showing my appreciation to all of you. So, let’s get this party going!

Jason raises his glass as everyone cheers and toasts. He leaves the podium.

RENEE: I wonder if he made a decision on the Team Supervisor.

MAXINE: I wouldn’t know.

RENEE: That’s funny. He told me he had narrowed it down to a couple of people earlier at the office. He didn’t tell you?

ROB: Ladies, no more talk about business. You heard him. It’s party time! Free food, free booze.

Rob puts his arm around Bethany while glancing down her dress, which she notices and kiddingly puts a cocktail napkin to cover her breasts.

BETHANY: If you don’t mind.

ROB: I’m just admiring your outfit like half the other guys in this place.

He winks as she smiles flirtatiously at him while looking around to see who else is checking her out.

MAXINE: Haven’t you got anything better to do?

ROB: All work and no play make for a boring night. And, I know you know how to play.

MAXINE: What’s that supposed to mean?

RENEE: Rob’s just trying to get everyone to follow Mr. Reynolds’ instructions to have fun.

MAXINE: I would prefer a more refined crowd.

Rob spits out his drink from laughing.

Maxine gives him a look that could kill.

RENEE: You think you’re better than everyone else.

MAXINE: I do not. But, I’m not interested in being around a bunch of people who like getting fall on their butt drunk.

ROB: We wouldn’t want that to happen to you. But, just in case you get a little frisky later, here!

Rob throws her a condom.

ROB (CONT’D): Wouldn’t want you to get in trouble, eh Maxine.

A totally pissed Maxine glares at Renee.

MAXINE: What did you tell them, Renee?

RENEE: Nothing, I swear.

Maxine gives her an irritated, suspicious look. Rob smirks at Maxine.

ROB: It’s okay, Maxine, your secret’s safe with us.

MAXINE (to Renee): You bitch! (to the group at table) I don’t know what she told you, but I was in love. I thought we were going to be a family. He told me he wasn’t ready for a child and pleaded with me to end it… I did. I thought we would always be together. Instead, he

left me. (to Renee): Did you tell them that?

RENEE: Close. I told them you got knocked up, then he dumped you.

MAXINE: To think I trusted you.

RENEE: And, I trusted you. You know that promotion’s between you and me. I know you threw me under the bus, didn’t you?

MAXINE: I did no such thing. In fact, I told Mr. Reynolds

you would make a great assistant.

RENEE: Assistant?! You’re no manager. You alienate people. This position requires someone who’s a team player, not someone who resents anyone that excels. I would encourage those people… That’s why I deserve the position.

MAXINE: Mr. Reynold’s realizes you’re not the right person.

RENEE: Maybe he’ll change his view when he knows what you did. Remember, he’s Catholic.

Maxine furrows he eyes and purses her lips together, then throws her drink on her and leaves.

The whole table is both shocked and humored. From across the hall, Renee notices Mr. Reynold’s looking at her with deep interest.

Acting like she doesn’t see him, she sighs and shakes her head as she wipes the drink off her face and clothes. Mr. Reynolds sternly looks at Maxine as she leaves.

[Zev Ledman]

Zev Ledman Max Entertainment – Rewrite Scene

Logline – Nancy, and Squire meet to finalize a Divorce.

Essence – Nancy wants to protect her assets from her ex, Squire who wants to figure out how to get the most out of her without angering her.

Scene – A quaint bar. The place is almost empty except for a few people sitting at the bar. NANCY, with a large shopping bag beside her, and SQUIRE, both thirtyish, sit at a back corner table with a drink.

SQUIRE – So, what have you been up to? And, what’s with the bag?

NANCY – It’s nothing. Let’s just focus on why we came here.

SQUIRE – Always so wound up. I hope someday you learn to relax.

NANCY – I know where that leads. And, that ain’t happenin.

SQUIRE – I just thought we could do this in a nice way.

NANCY – So, what did you come up with?

SQUIRE – What do you think is fair?

NANCY – Fair! Are you kidding me? You’re supposed to present something to me. Why are we even here?

SQUIRE – To work out our differences.

NANCY – So, tell me, what do you have a problem with?

SQUIRE – Nancy, I can’t live on what you’ve offered.

NANCY – That’s not my problem. You just need to find a job. I mean, why did you even get a degree in Computer Science?

SQUIRE – How did I know that type of work would stress me out so much?

NANCY – I’m sorry about that, Squire. But, why did you bother spending so much time and my money getting more certificates if you weren’t going to use them?

SQUIRE – I really thought that by improving my skills, it would make my job less stressful. It didn’t.

Nancy – Surely, there’s some other job you can do.

Seeing Squire’s almost empty glass, WAITRESS comes to the table.

WAITRESS – Refill?

Squire is relieved the Waitress came and gestures to refill both drinks.

Nancy shakes her head.

SQUIRE (to Waitress) Both. (to Nancy) Come on, Nancy. Chill! You know, I really want you to be happy. Let’s start with my original proposal.

Waitress leaves and Nancy sighs as she furrows her brow at him.

NANCY – You get half of anything? It was so ridiculous.

SQUIRE – Because that’s the way it works? I really want to be fair.

NANCY – Really! Knowing that over seventy percent of my assets were from an early distribution from my parent’s estate. I know your attorney told you that any inheritance is not included in the joint assets.

SQUIRE – I’m not asking for all of that, just a little.

NANCY – Forget it. Give a little and you’ll want more.

SQUIRE – Not true. I just need something to cover me until I find something. And, what I’m asking for won’t affect your lifestyle at all. I would never do that.

NANCY – How much time?

SQUIRE – I don’t know.

NANCY – Is that right? Why don’t you tell me what places you’ve interviewed with?

SQUIRE – Lots, I can’t remember them all.

She glares at him intently.

Squire starts chuckling.

Nancy’s pissed.

SQUIRE – Sorry, honey. I was just thinking about those times we would fight. You were unbelievable in those make-up sessions. You know I did everything to make it up to you.

Nancy thinks and smiles.

SQUIRE – I will always love you.

NANCY – Love is much more than making love. We have children to think about.

SQUIRE – Do you think our split has been good for the kids?

NANCY – Of course not. But, neither was it good for them to see us fighting all the time.

The Waitress sets the drinks down on the table.

WAITRESS – Can I get you anything else?

Both shake their heads and Waitress leaves.

NANCY – Okay, this is what I’ll agree to. I’ll give you my entire Fidelity account if you agree to let me have sole custody of the children.

SQUIRE – You call that fair? Either, I get thrown out on the street or I never get to see my kids.

NANCY – Look drama queen, you were a lousy father. You only took the kids on things you wanted to do. You were never interested in even finding out what they wanted to do.

SQUIRE – Bullshit. I wanted them to experience unusual things in their life.

NANCY – What, like racetracks and boxing?

SQUIRE – What’s wrong with that?

NANCY – Never mind. That’s my offer.

SQUIRE – No way.

NANCY – I know you think my brother was the reason I decided to seek a Separation. Not true. I was just scared of your reaction. All he told me was not to worry. He would handle it.

SQUIRE – He’s an asshole.

NANCY – Well, I stopped that asshole from going over to beat the shit out of you after you slashed his tires and broke his windshield. And, you know what he’s capable of!

SQUIRE – I don’t know what you and your brother have been smoking, but I didn’t even know about this until you told me.

NANCY – I know you saw the cameras on my brother’s home. Did you really think that by wearing a hoody and ski mask, nobody would figure it out.

Squire rolls his eyes, shakes his head and, his hands lightly shaking, takes a big swallow off his new drink.

NANCY – This is how it stacks up, you’ll be out on the street in six months if you don’t take my offer because you’re nothing but a lazy slug. Besides, it’ll be better for the kids. And, I’ll throw in another bonus. I’ll pay off all the credit cards that you ran up. We both know you’ll never pay a dime on them.

SQUIRE – The whole time we were together, you never cared about me. Your whole focus was your job, always trying to outdo everyone else so you would get the promotion.

NANCY – Was it wrong to be ambitious? You got a lot of benefits from that. And, was that your excuse for having numerous affairs? I had never even expected that. But my family thought there was something fishy going on. So, I followed their advice and got a P.I. to follow you. And, you’ll never guess what he discovered while he tailed you over a month. Imagine my surprise. You’re quite the busy bee. So, it wasn’t only affairs you were having.

Squire glares at her, shocked.

NANCY – That’s right. And, it will be presented at the court, and specially delivered to the D.A.’s office. Oh yeah, did you ever wonder what happened to those special, really expensive boots you bought when we went to Sweden?

She reaches in her bag and pulls the boots out and sets them on the table.

NANCY – That’s how we knew it was you. It’s on the camera.

SQUIRE – You fucking bitch!

Nancy throws her new drink all over him. Everyone in the bar turns towards them. Squire is embarrassed and raging.

He grabs for the boots in one hand and prepares to punch Nancy with the other. Nancy sticks her cheek out at him.

NANCY – Go on, you coward! My brother drove me here and he’s still waiting outside. So, go on!

Squire starts shaking a little as he looks at her with trepidation.

NANCY – Think good and hard about my proposal… And, the boots stay with me. Or, if you prefer, I’ll have my brother come in and get them.

Squire releases them and she puts them back in her bag, throws $50 on the table, and leaves while giving him a disgusted look.

NANCY – I know you had no intention of paying.

She scurries out. An embarrassed Squires wipes the drink off his face as he smiles uncomfortably while looking around the bar.

[Zev Ledman]

Zev Ledman Max Entertainment Part 2

Logline – Nancy and Squire meet to finalize Divorce.

Essence – Nancy wants to protect her assets from her ex, Squire who wants to figure out how to get the most out of her without angering her.

Scene – A quaint bar. The place is almost empty except for a few people sitting at the bar. NANCY, with a large shopping bag beside her, and SQUIRE, both thirtyish, sit in a back corner with a drink.

SQUIRE – So, what have you been up to? And, what’s with the bag.

NANCY – It’s nothing. Let’s just focus on why we came here.

SQUIRE – Always so wound up. I hope someday you learn to relax.

NANCY – I know where that leads. Never again.

SQUIRE – Fine, I just thought we could do this in a nice way.

NANCY – So, what did you come up with?

SQUIRE – You’ve had time to think about it, what do you think is fair?

NANCY – Are you kidding me? Why are we even here?

SQUIRE – To work out our differences.

NANCY – Okay, what do you think needs to be changed?

SQUIRE – Nancy, I can’t live on what you’ve offered.

NANCY – You wouldn’t have that problem if you would just get a job. I mean, why did you even get a degree in Computer Science.

SQUIRE – I never realized how that type of work would affect my nerves.

NANCY – I’m sorry about that, Squire. But, why did you bother getting so many more certificates if you were never going to use them. That cost me a lot of money.

SQUIRE – I really thought that by improving my skills, it would make my job less stressful. It didn’t.

Nancy – Surely, there’s some other job you can do.

Seeing Squire’s almost empty glass, WAITRESS comes to the table.

WAITRESS – Refill?

Squire is relieved the Waitress came and gestures to refill both drinks.

Nancy shakes her head.

SQUIRE (to Waitress) Both. (to Nancy) Come on, Nancy. Chill out and let’s work this thing out.

Waitress leaves and Nancy sighs as she furrows her brow at him.

SQUIRE – Tell me, what do you have a problem with?

NANCY – What makes you think I would ever give you half of anything?

SQUIRE – Because that’s the way it works? All I want is my share.

NANCY – First of all, over seventy percent of those assets you claim were from an early distribution from my parent’s estate. I know your attorney told that’s not included in the joint assets.

SQUIRE – I’m not asking for all of that, just a little.

NANCY – Not a chance. Give a little and you’ll want more.

SQUIRE – Not true. You know I can’t work in computer programming. So, I just need something to cover me until I find something.

SQUIRE – And, I’ll find it. I just need time.

NANCY – How much time?

SQUIRE – I don’t know.

NANCY – What does that mean? So, what are you looking at?

SQUIRE – A lot.

She glares at him intently.

Squire start chuckling.

Nancy’s pissed.

SQUIRE – Sorry, honey. I was just thinking about how we used to fight. Remember how we used to make up. You know I always did my best to make it up to you.

Nancy thinks and smiles.

SQUIRE – I will always love you.

NANCY – Love is much more than making love. We have children to think about.

SQUIRE – Do you think our split has been good for the kids?

NANCY – Of course not. But, neither was it good for them to see us fighting all the time.

The Waitress sets the drinks down on the table.

WAITRESS – Can I get you anything else.

Both shake their heads and Waitress leaves.

NANCY – Okay, this is what I’ll agree to. I’ll give you my entire Fidelity account if you agree to let me have sole custody of the children.

SQUIRE – You call that working things out? Either, I get next to nothing or I never get to see my kids.

NANCY – Let’s face it, you were a lousy father. You only took the kids on what you wanted to do. You were never interested in even finding out what they wanted to do.

SQUIRE – Bullshit. I wanted them to experience unusual things in their life.

NANCY – What, like racetracks and boxing.

SQUIRE – What’s wrong with that?

NANCY – Never mind. That’s my offer.

SQUIRE – No way.

NANCY – I know you think my brother was the reason I decided to seek a Separation. Not true. I was just scared of your reaction. All he told me was not to worry. He would handle it.

SQUIRE – He’s an asshole.

NANCY – Well, that asshole was going to beat the daylights out of you after you slashed his tires and broke his windshield. And, you know what he’s capable of!

SQUIRE – I don’t know what you and your brother have been smoking, but I didn’t even know about this until you told me.

NANCY – I know you saw the cameras on my brother’s home. Did you really think that by wearing a hoody and ski mask, nobody would figure it out.

Squire rolls his eyes, shakes his head and, his hands lightly shaking, takes a big swallow off his new drink.

NANCY – This is how it stacks up, because of how lazy you are, you’ll be out on the street within six months if you don’t take my offer. It’ll be better for the kids too. And, here’s another bonus, I’ll even pay off all the credit cards you ran up. We both know you’ll never pay a dime on them.

SQUIRE – You never gave a shit about me. Your whole focus was always trying to outdo everyone at your office. It’s apparent that this is nothing but a waste of time.

NANCY – So, was that your excuse for having numerous affairs. My family thought there was something fishy going on. So, I followed their advice and got a P.I. to follow you. And, you’ll never guess what he discovered he tailed you over a month’s time. And, to my big surprise. You’re quite the busy bee. And, it wasn’t only affairs you were doing.

Squire glares at her, shocked.

NANCY – That’s right. And, it will be presented at the court, and special delivered to the D.A.’s office. Oh yeah, did you happen to notice how those special, real expensive boots you bought when we went to Sweden ended up missing?

She reaches in her bag and pulls the boots out and sets them on the table.

NANCY – That’s how we knew it was you. It’s on the camera.

SQUIRE – You fucking bitch!

Nancy throws her new drink all over him. Everyone in the bar turns towards them. Squire is raging.

He grabs for the boots in one hand and prepares to punch Nancy with the other. Nancy sticks her cheek out at him.

NANCY – Go on, you coward! My brother drove me here and he’s still waiting outside. So, go on!

Squire starts shaking a little as he looks at her with trepidation.

NANCY – Think good and about my proposal… And, I’m taking the boots.

She grabs the boots and looks at him steely eyed.

He releases the boots and she put them back in the bag.

She throws $50 on the table.

NANCY – I know you had no intention of paying.

She scurries out. An embarrassed Squires wipes the drink off his face as he smiles uncomfortably while looking around the bar.

[Zev Ledman]

Zev Ledman MAX INTEREST

What I learned that is improving my writing?- Adding more Interest Techniques to the scenes makes the story more compelling.

INT. MATISYAHU’S HOME – SUMMER – DAY

A Jewish circumcision ceremony. Zalmy, sits holding the baby.

Matisyahu stands over a small linen-covered table beside Zalmy. Judah and Miriam, wearing her necklace, huddle around them. Laid across the table is a small flask of wine, a small white cloth, and a small, very sharp knife.

Matisyahu pours some wine on the cloth and lets the baby suck on it while Eleazer, Malka, Jonathan, Jokanon, Simon, and their wive, look on along with Jauk and two young children.

MATISYAHU: And God told Avraham, all males shall you circumcise on the eighth day. It is an everlasting covenant.

Matisyahu picks up the small blade, but his hand lightly shakes. Everyone is alarmed. Matisyahu tries to control his shaking hand to no avail.

Judah: It’s okay, Abba. I’ll do it.

The door flies open and Theo, Five soldiers, and a fiftyish, regally dressed LOCAL OFFICIAL rush in. Everyone’s alarmed.

Theo smirks at an anxious Zalmy and, at the same time, notices Judah and gives him a dirty look. Matisyahu’s sons prepare to fight.

Local Official pulls out a small scroll and reads it.

LOCAL OFFICIAL: Matisyahu, you are a leader, honored and revered. By order of the king, you shall officiate our sacrificial ceremony.

MATISYAHU: We’re not finished here.

LOCAL OFFICIAL: This is not a choice.

He puts down the blade and signals his sons to stand down.

MATISYAHU: May one of my sons assist me?

Official acquiesces and nods. Miriam grabs her baby.

MATISYAHU (CONT’D): Eleazer, come.

Judah slyly passes a knife to Eleazer, who hides it. Local Official signals to Theo and points to the baby. Theo nods.

Matisyahu, Eleazer, two Soldiers, and Local Official leave. As the door closes, the other Soldiers ready their spears while Theo opens the small blanket to check out the baby.

He smiles and grabs the child away from a shaking Zalmy.

MIRIAM: Don’t touch my boy!

Miriam grabs Theo’s arm.

MIRIAM (CONT’D): Let him go!

Theo pushes Miriam to the floor. The Brothers hold Judah back from retaliating.

THEO: You need not worry. A noble family will care for this child. (to Judah) Be glad I’m under strict orders from the King. But, I shall return.

An alarmed Miriam rushes toward Theo, who pulls his sword.

THEO (CONT’D) Woman, if you or anyone else comes any closer, I’ll kill this child.

Judah shakes his head at Miriam, who stops.

The women cry as Theo and the soldiers leave with the child.

Judah and his brothers grab knives, staffs and sharp devices.

JUDAH (to Miriam) Stay with your mother and father. I won’t return without our son.

JOKANON’S STERN WIFE: Jokanon, don’t go.

Jokanon shakes his head and leaves with Judah and his brothers who grab knives, staffs, and sharp farm implements.

Jokanon’s wife cries as they leave, then yells at Miriam.

JOKANON’S STERN WIFE (CONT’D) Don’t you see? They’re professional soldiers with real weapons. Your son dies and we become widows.

MIRIAM: Nooo!

EXT. STEEP MOUNTAINSIDE – PATH – DAY

Judah and his three other brothers get ahead of the Soldiers and hide behind a clump of trees and large rocks.

They notice the soldiers coming towards them from afar following a path beside a steep mountainside.

JUDAH: Let them not get into formation. Attack as they near the cliff.

They prepare to attack when they notice Miriam, with her necklace, struggling toward the Greeks, weeping.

MIRIAM: Give me my child!

Judah’s brothers hold Judah back from jumping out.

The Soldiers stop on the path as Miriam draws near.

THEO: Do you desire to die?

MIRIAM: My life matters not. Let my son go.

Miriam tries to pull her son from Theo.

Judah jumps out from behind the trees and confronts the soldiers with a kitchen knife and a grain-cutting implements. They are some distance from him.

JUDAH: I implore you, do not harm them.

Judah drops his weapons to the ground as Theo grabs Dassie by the hair.

THEO: Delighted to see you. Since you saved me a trip back, I’ll give you a choice. Your son or your wife?

JUDAH: No honor may be derived from either child or woman! Take me instead!

Theo cracks a smile as he watches Judah fall to his knees with tears running down his face.

THEO: Wrong answer!

Theo intentionally lets go of the baby and Miriam, causing her to fall down the steep, jagged rocked mountain.

Theo watches as she cuddles the baby to protect it while bouncing off the jagged rocks and killing both of them. He turns back to Judah and shrugs, oh well, and smirks.

Judah grabs his weapons and races towards Theo and the Soldiers who, preparing for Judah, don’t notice the three brothers attacking from the opposite side.

Two soldiers are pushed off the cliff with their staffs while Judah and Theo fight ferociously.

Simon and Jokanon fight the third Soldier eventually killing him.

Judah severely wounds Theo, who agonizes at his fate. With tears streaming down his face, Judah angrily presses his lips together and kicks him off the steep mountain. Theo screams as he bounces off the jagged rocks and dies.

[Zev Ledman]

Zev Ledman Challenging Situations

Scene 1:

A. Logline – Judah is chased by Two Soldiers for defacing their idols and hides in Schoolhouse.

B. Essence: Judah’s teacher is arrested and later tortured to death for Judah’s antics.

C. Challenges: Soldiers chase Judah through the woods. Jonah, his teacher, is dragged away when they can’t find Judah. The King blames Jonah for his student’s vandalism and makes an example of him.

D. Judah races through the woods at night with soldiers chasing him with a torch. When the soldiers can’t locate Judah, they arrest Jonah. The King blames Jonah and has him tortured to death.

Scene 2:

A. Logline –While Miriam is healing at their home, Judah’s interest in her has grown into a desire to marry her.

B. Essence: Judah tries to find the right time to ask Miriam to marry him.

C. Judah gets interrupted while he’s expressing his interest in Miriam. Miriam stops Judah from finishing his proposal making Judah think she’s rejecting him.

D. As Judah is expressing his interest in Miriam, Eleazer sneaks up from behind and takes him to the ground until Judah’s turned the table on him.

What I’ve learned? I must put Interest Techniques in every scene otherwise, the scene is too boring.

[Zev Ledman]

Zev Ledman

Judah – King Antiochus – Eleazer

Revised Profiles: I think the listing of traits and knowing the subtexts that drive them keeps your story focused and the characters aligned as the story develops.

Judah -Twenty yr old religious Jew who wants to right wrongs done by the Greeks – Adventurous, Protector, Reactionary, Holier than thou

Judah feels guilty for getting his friend/teacher tortured to death over his antics.

King Antiochus – Mi-fifties ruler of the eastern Greek kingdom – Ruthless, Demanding, Intolerant, Enraged

Because of the growing Roman influence, Antiochus must keep his kingdom strong and united requiring him to quell any unrest that the Romans might exploit.

Eleazer Eighteen yr old religious Jew, Judah’s dedicated younger brother – Caring, Courageous, Loyal, Judgmental

Eleazer idolizes his brother and will do anything to help him succeed.

[Zev Ledman]

Edward Gillow – Unusual location & incorporating interest techniques. I would suggest you use less dialogue as an avenue to show those interest techniques and traits. Sorry for the delay.

[Zev Ledman]

Robert Kerr – Nice use of Interest techniques. A lot of twists and turns that kept me wondering where it was going. Totally unexpected ending. Sorry for the delay. I’m way behind.

[Zev Ledman]

Lesson 9 QE #2 Rewrite

Logline: John, a short, average-looking guy confronts good-looking Nick about his sister’s divorce

Essence: John needs to get info to protect his sister in her upcoming divorce from a slick Nick.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Nick sits at a loud, crowded bar checking out all the good-looking women flirting with the people around them while finishing his beer. He tilts his head to the slouched over GOOD-LOOKING GUY next to him, wearing a sport coat, who half-smiles.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: How’s it going?

NICK: Just waiting on my soon-to-be ex’s brother to show. He hates crowds. So, I thought this would be the best place to meet.

Good-looking guy looks at him quizzically.

NICK (arrogantly): If you want an edge, put someone in an uncomfortable setting… My soon to be ex-wife thinks she getting half of everything I own. She did nothing while I worked my ass off. And, I had a successful business long before we were married.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Kids?

NICK: Three.

Nick removes a photo of his kids from his wallet and points at the picture.

NICK: Nick, Jr. He’s eleven. That’s Johnny, he’s ten. And there’s sweet Angela. She’s six.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Wow, good looking kids. That must have kept her busy.

NICK (proudly): She just watched TV all day. But, they’re really great kids.

Good-Looking Guy looks at him in deep thought as Nick notices John walking up to him in the mirror behind bar and turns to him.

NICK: Here he comes… John, good to see you. Let me get you a beer. (turns to the good-looking guy) What are you drinking?

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Scotch, on the rocks.

The barmaid comes to Nick who points to his beer, then at himself and John. He then gestures to the Good-Looking Guy’s drink and nods to the barmaid. She smiles and nods back. Good-Looking Guy nods his thanks.

JOHN: Thanks for meeting me, Nick. But, I wish we could have met in a quieter place.

NICK: Relax, you need to socialize more. You know Jill was always worried you would never find someone. There’s more to life than researching shit on the internet. (tilts head to the end of the bar) Like those babes at the end of the bar.

John glances at them, then back at Nick and sighs as he situates himself next to him. The barmaid delivers the drinks. Nick toasts John and the good-looking Guy.

NICK: Believe in yourself. I really want you to find someone, buddy.

Nick lifts his glass to Good-Looking Guy and John.

NICK (CONT.): May we all get lucky.

Good-Looking Guy raises his glass and drinks with Nick. John rolls his eyes and sighs as he sets his beer down on the bar.

JOHN: We’re here to deal with Jill’s issues.

NICK: Fine, I hope you understand that I have no interest in making this difficult for her. The most important thing is the kids…You know, I could use someone like you. How would you like a thirty-five percent increase in pay?

JOHN: Doing what?

NICK: We’d find something for you.

JOHN: We’ll talk after my sister’s taken care of.

Nick checks out the women at the end of the bar. One smiles at him and he crack a smile at her.

JOHN: Hey, let’s stay focused on what we’re here for.

NICK: I am. But there’s nothing that says we can’t enjoy the eye candy while taking care of business.

JOHN (irritated): Jill’s attorney said she’s entitled to half of everything accumulated during the marriage.

NICK: Fuck her attorney. I have no problem with the child support. But your sister is wanting way too much. She seems to forget that I already thriving business before we even met. And, I see no reason to pay alimony. She’s perfectly healthy and capable of working.

JOHN: Don’t the kids deserve a decent place to live?

NICK: I told her she can have half the equity from the house when it sells. And, the kids can stay with me any time.

JOHN: And, what about that land you purchased through that company you set up?

NICK (surprised): What are you talking about? What company? What land?

JOHN: You think she didn’t know?

NICK: What the hell are you talking about.

JOHN: We know the property. Since you didn’t list that on your asset list that you provided the court, that’s perjury. I’ve been told it’s worth over $2million.

NICK (flustered): Ah, bullshit. Whoever said that is lying. It’s not worth a dime over $800,000.

As the conversation gets louder, Good-looking guy starts listening.

JOHN: Then, why would they say $2 million?

NICK: I bought that 5 years ago for $250,000. It’s just an empty lot across from Wal-Mart, which wasn’t built when I got the lot. It might catch $900,000. No more.

JOHN (grinning): Wal-Mart, huh? I think I know which lot that is.

NICK: What, I thought you said you knew.

JOHN: I do now. And, it looks like you valued the company at 25% of its true value.

NICK: Says who? Jill? Jill doesn’t know shit about business.

JOHN: She handled all the books for seven years until it became too much with the kids.

NICK: She hardly did anything… I need to take a piss. I’ll be right back.

Nick walks towards the two women at the end of the bar and whispers to the woman that was checking him out as he passes by her. She giggles.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: That’s really nice that you’re looking out for your sister.

John tries to ignore him.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Did your sister really help with the business.

JOHN: Help?! The business was going under when my sister came to work there. She helped him turn it around. They were a team. After a year and a half, they got married. She kept him focused and encouraged him whenever things were going bad because he’s manic depressant.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Huh!

John looks at him quizzically, then turns to see Nick heading back, while slyly passing a folded paper in her hand of the girl he flirted with. She opens it and shows it to her girlfriend who giggles as looks at John. Nick whispers in her girlfriend’s ear before walking back to John.

NICK: Okay, so where were we?

JOHN: We were talking about what your business was worth. The bottom line is that she gets half, but she might settle for a third if you sign over the property.

NICK: See that woman down there that’s smiling at you? She likes you. I have a proposition for you. You can’t take a good looking woman out in that old piece of shit Ford Fiesta. I’ll get you a low mileage Lexus 300. Just forget about that Lot and I’ll pay Jill, in cash, 25% of appraised value of the business.

JOHN: You really think I would betray my sister for a car?

NICK: She’s divorcing me.

JOHN: That’s cause you’re a pig. The divorce isn’t done and you’re already chasing women. Of course, that never stopped you in the past. You think Jill didn’t know about all your philandering? She stayed with you for the kids until I said enough was enough. And, that bullshit about you having a successful business before you met Jill. You were on the verge of bankruptcy.

Nick furrows his brow and purses his lips at Good-Looking guy, then turns back to John. Good-Looking Guy listens intently again.

NICK: So, you’re not going to help me. You’ll always be alone, driving that old jalopy.

JOHN: I can live with that.

NICK: Yeah, well live with this! I don’t care what my attorney says, I’ll make sure she gets nothing. But I’ll get a house for the kids in their name and she can live with them. But, I’ll still give Jill her share of the equity of the house. But, that’s it.

JOHN: You think so! Now that I verified that property, my sister will get everything she’s entitled to.

Nick looks at him dumbfounded.

JOHN: Yeah, thanks for verifying that. Jill wasn’t sure.

NICK: Why don’t we slip behind the building and have a friendly discussion?

JOHN: Great. I have no problem getting my ass kicked as long as my sister gets what’s rightfully hers.

NICK: Let’s go! (to the barmaid) Hold my seat. I’ll be back in about five minutes.

They leave. Good-Looking Guy sips his drink thinking deeply for a minute, then looks up to the Barmaid.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Hold my place. I’ll be back in a few minutes.

BARMAID: Where are you going?

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: To do my good deed for the night. And, don’t expect this guy back.

No longer slouching over, the Good-Looking Guy gets up and takes his sports coat off. He’s huge. He walks to the exit.

[Zev Ledman]

Lesson 8 QE #2

Logline: John, a short, average-looking guy confronts good-looking Nick about his sister’s divorce

Essence: John needs to get info to protect his sister in her upcoming divorce with Nick.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Nick sits at a loud, crowded bar checking out all the good-looking women flirting with the people around them while finishing his beer. He tilts his head to the slouched over GOOD-LOOKING GUY next to him.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: How’s it going?

NICK: Just waiting on my soon-to-be ex’s brother to show. He hates crowds. So, I thought this would be the best place to meet.

Good-looking guy looks at him quizzically.

NICK: If you want an edge, put someone in an uncomfortable setting… My wife nuts if she thinks I’m giving her half of everything I own. All she did was stay at home while I worked. And, I had a successful business long before we were married.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Kids?

NICK: Three.

Nick removes a photo of his kids from his wallet and points at the picture.

NICK: Nick, Jr. He’s eleven. That’s Johnny, he’s ten. And there’s sweet Angela. She’s six.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Wow, good looking kids.

NICK (proudly): Yeah, they’re really great kids.

Good-Looking Guy looks at him in deep thought while Nick notices John walking up to him in the mirror behind bar and turns to him.

NICK: Here he comes… John, good to see you. Let me get you a beer. (turns to the good-looking guy) What are you drinking?

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Scotch, on the rocks.

The barmaid comes to Nick who points to his beer, then at himself and John. He then gestures to the Good-Looking Guy’s drink and nods to the barmaid. She smiles and nods back.

JOHN: I appreciate you meeting with me, Nick. But, it’s really hard to talk in a place like this.

NICK: Relax, we’ll be fine. You need to start socializing a little more. You know Jill was always worried you would never find someone. Live a little. There’s more to life than researching shit on the internet. You really do need to get out more. (tilts head to the end of the bar) Check out those babes at the end of the bar. They’re not out of your league, John.

John glances at them, then back at Nick and sighs as he situates himself next to him. The barmaid delivers the drinks. Nick toasts John and the good-looking Guy.

NICK: May we all get lucky.

John gives him a stern look and puts his beer down.

JOHN: Let’s just see if we can resolve the issues you have with Jill.

NICK: Fine, I hope you understand that I have no interest in making this difficult for her. The most important thing is the kids. We’ve known you for a number of years. You know, I could use someone like you. How would you like a thirty-five percent increase in pay?

JOHN: Doing what?

NICK: We’d find something for you.

JOHN: But my sister also needs to be taken care of.

Nick checks out the women at the end of the bar. One smiles at him and he crack a smile at her.

JOHN: Let’s stay focused on what we’re here for.

NICK: I am. But there’s nothing that says we can’t enjoy the eye candy and while taking care of business.

JOHN (irritated): What about Jill?

NICK: I have no problem with the child support. But your sister is wanting way too much of my assets. She seems to forget that I already thriving business before we even met. And, I see no reason to pay alimony. She’s perfectly healthy and capable of working.

JOHN: Don’t the kids deserve a decent place to live?

NICK: I told her she can have half the equity from the house when it sells. And, the kids can stay with me any time.

JOHN: And, what about that land you purchased through some company you set up?

NICK (surprised): What are you talking about? What company? What land?

JOHN: You don’t think she knew?

NICK: I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.

JOHN: We already know the property. Since you didn’t list that on your asset list that you provided the court, that’s perjury. I’ve been told it’s worth over $2million.

NICK (flustered): Ah, bullshit. Whoever said that is lying. It’s not worth a dime over $1,000,000.

As the conversation gets louder, Good-looking guy starts listening.

JOHN: Then, why would they say $2 million?

NICK: I bought that 5 years ago for $250,000. It’s just an empty lot across from Wal-Mart, which wasn’t built when I got the lot. I might be able to get $1.25.

JOHN (grinning): Wal-Mart, huh? I think I know which lot that is. How big is it?

NICK: You tell me. You seem to know so much.

JOHN: I do now. And, it looks like you valued the company at 25% of its true value.

NICK: Says who? Jill? Jill doesn’t know shit about business.

JOHN: She handled all the books for the first seven years until it became too much with the kids.

NICK: She hardly did anything… I need to take a piss. I’ll be back.

Nick walks towards the two women at the end of the bar and whispers to the woman that was checking him out as he passes by her. She giggles.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: That’s really nice that you’re looking out for your sister.

John tries to ignore him.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: So, your sister helped out with the business.

JOHN: Helped out?! The business was going under when my sister came to work there. She helped him turn it around. They were a team. After a year and a half, they got married. She kept him focused and encouraged him whenever things were going bad.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Huh!

John looks at him quizzically, then turns to see Nick heading back, while slyly passing a folded paper in her hand of the girl he flirted with. She opens it, looks down and smiles, then folds it and puts it in her bra, which John sees. He whispers in ear of the woman’s friend, who looks up at John and smiles. He returns to John.

NICK: Okay, so where were we?

JOHN: We were talking about what your business was worth. The bottom line is that she gets half, but she might settle for a third if you sign over the property.

NICK: See that woman down there that’s smiling at you? She’s interested in you. I have a proposition for you. Instead of driving that old piece of shit Ford Fiesta, I’ll get you a low milage Lexus 300. Just forget about that Lot and I’ll pay Jill, in cash, 25% of appraised value of the business.

JOHN: You think I would betray my sister for a car?

NICK: She’s divorcing me.

JOHN: That’s cause you’re a pig. The divorce isn’t done and you’re already chasing women. Of course, that never stopped you in the past. You think Jill didn’t know about all your philandering? She stayed with you for the kids until I said enough was enough. And, that bullshit about you having a successful business before you met Jill. You were on the verge of bankruptcy.

Nick furrows his brow and purses his lips at Good-Looking guy, then turns back to John. Good-Looking Guy listens intently again.

NICK: So, you’re not going to help me. You’re going to live alone, driving that old jalopy for the rest of your life.

JOHN: I can live with that.

NICK: Yeah well live with this, I don’t care what my attorney says, I’ll make sure she gets nothing. But I’ll get a house for the kids and she can live with them because it will be in the kids’ name only. But she can still have her share of the equity of the house. But, that’s it.

JOHN: You’re toast. Now that I verified that property, my sister will get everything she’s entitled to.

NICK: She didn’t know about the commercial lot?!

JOHN: She does now.

NICK: Why don’t we slip behand the building and have a friendly discussion.

JOHN: That’s fine. I have no problem getting my ass kicked by you as long as my sister gets what she rightfully hers.

NICK: Good, let’s go! )to the barmaid) Hold this. I’ll be back in about five minutes.

They leave. Good-looking guy sips his drink thinking deeply for a few minutes, then looks up to the Barmaid.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Hold my place. I’ll be back in a few minutes.

BARMAID: Where are you going?

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: To do my good deed for the night.

No longer slouching over, the huge Good-Looking Guy gets up and walks out looking for John.Lesson 8 QE #2

Logline: John, a short, average looking guy confronts good-looking Nick about his sister’s divorce

Essence: John needs to get info to protect his sister in her upcoming divorce with Nick.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Nick sits at a loud, crowded bar checking out all the good-looking women flirting with the people around them while finishing his beer. He tilts his head to the slouched over GOOD-LOOKING GUY next to him.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: How’s it going?

NICK: Just waiting on my soon to be ex’s brother to show. He hates crowds. So, I thought this would be the best place to meet.

Good-looking guy looks at him quizzically.

NICK: If you want an edge, put someone in an uncomfortable setting… My wife nuts if she thinks I’m giving her half of everything I own. All she did was stay at home while I worked. And, I had a successful business long before we were married.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Kids?

NICK: Three.

Nick removes a photo of his kids from his wallet and points at the picture.

NICK: Nick, Jr. He’s eleven. That’s Johnny, he’s ten. And there’s sweet Angela. She’s six.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Wow, good looking kids.

NICK (proudly): Yeah, they’re really great kids.

Good-looking guy looks at him in deep thought while Nick notices John walking up to him in the mirror behind bar and turns to him.

NICK: Here he comes… John, good to see you. Let me get you a beer. (turns to the good-looking guy) What are you drinking?

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Scotch, on the rocks.

The barmaid comes to Nick who points to his beer, then at himself and John. He then gestures to the Good-Looking Guy’s drink and nods to the barmaid. She smiles and nods back.

JOHN: I appreciate you meeting with me, Nick. But, it’s really hard to talk in a place like this.

NICK: Relax, we’ll be fine. You need to start socializing a little more. You know Jill was always worried you would never find someone. Live a little. There’s more to life than researching shit on the internet. You really do need to get out more. (tilts head to the end of the bar) Check out those babes at the end of the bar. They’re not out of your league, John.

John glances at them, then back at Nick and sighs as he situates himself next to him. The barmaid delivers the drinks. Nick toasts John and the good-looking Guy.

NICK: May we all get lucky.

John gives him a stern look and puts his beer down.

JOHN: Let’s just see if we can resolve the issues you have with Jill.

NICK: Fine, I hope you understand that I have no interest in making this difficult for her. The most important thing is the kids. We’ve known you for a number of years. You know, I could use someone like you. How would you like a thirty-five percent increase in pay?

JOHN: Doing what?

NICK: We’d find something for you.

JOHN: But my sister also needs to be taken care of.

Nick checks out the women at the end of the bar. One smiles at him and he crack a smile at her.

JOHN: Let’s stay focused on what we’re here for.

NICK: I am. But there’s nothing that says we can’t enjoy the eye candy and while taking care of business.

JOHN (irritated): What about Jill?

NICK: I have no problem with the child support. But your sister is wanting way too much of my assets. She seems to forget that I already thriving business before we even met. And, I see no reason to pay alimony. She’s perfectly healthy and capable of working.

JOHN: Don’t the kids deserve a decent place to live?

NICK: I told her she can have half the equity from the house when it sells. And, the kids can stay with me any time.

JOHN: And, what about that land you purchased through some company you set up?

NICK (surprised): What are you talking about? What company? What land?

JOHN: You don’t think she knew?

NICK: I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.

JOHN: We already know the property. Since you didn’t list that on your asset list that you provided the court, that’s perjury. I’ve been told it’s worth over $2million.

NICK (flustered): Ah, bullshit. Whoever said that is lying. It’s not worth a dime over $1,000,000.

As the conversation gets louder, Good-looking guy starts listening.

JOHN: Then, why would they say $2 million?

NICK: I bought that 5 years ago for $250,000. It’s just an empty lot across from Wal-Mart, which wasn’t built when I got the lot. I might be able to get $1.25.

JOHN (grinning): Wal-Mart, huh? I think I know which lot that is. How big is it?

NICK: You tell me. You seem to know so much.

JOHN: I do now. And, it looks like you valued the company at 25% of its true value.

NICK: Says who? Jill? Jill doesn’t know shit about business.

JOHN: She handled all the books for the first seven years until it became too much with the kids.

NICK: She hardly did anything… I need to take a piss. I’ll be back.

Nick walks towards the two women at the end of the bar and whispers to the woman that was checking him out as he passes by her. She giggles.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: That’s really nice that you’re looking out for your sister.

John tries to ignore him.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: So, your sister helped out with the business.

JOHN: Helped out?! The business was going under when my sister came to work there. She helped him turn it around. They were a team. After a year and a half, they got married. She kept him focused and encouraged him whenever things were going bad.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Huh!

John looks at him quizzically, then turns to see Nick heading back, while slyly passing a folded paper in her hand of the girl he flirted with. She opens it, looks down and smiles, then folds it and puts it in her bra, which John sees. He whispers in ear of the woman’s friend, who looks up at John and smiles. He returns to John.

NICK: Okay, so where were we?

JOHN: We were talking about what your business was worth. The bottom line is that she gets half, but she might settle for a third if you sign over the property.

NICK: See that woman down there that’s smiling at you? She’s interested in you. I have a proposition for you. Instead of driving that old piece of shit Ford Fiesta, I’ll get you a low milage Lexus 300. Just forget about that Lot and I’ll pay Jill, in cash, 25% of appraised value of the business.

JOHN: You think I would betray my sister for a car?

NICK: She’s divorcing me.

JOHN: That’s cause you’re a pig. The divorce isn’t done and you’re already chasing women. Of course, that never stopped you in the past. You think Jill didn’t know about all your philandering? She stayed with you for the kids until I said enough was enough. And, that bullshit about you having a successful business before you met Jill. You were on the verge of bankruptcy.

Nick furrows his brow and purses his lips at Good-Looking guy, then turns back to John. Good-Looking Guy listens intently again.

NICK: So, you’re not going to help me. You’re going to live alone, driving that old jalopy for the rest of your life.

JOHN: I can live with that.

NICK: Yeah well live with this, I don’t care what my attorney says, I’ll make sure she gets nothing. But I’ll get a house for the kids and she can live with them because it will be in the kids’ name only. But she can still have her share of the equity of the house. But, that’s it.

JOHN: You’re toast. Now that I verified that property, my sister will get everything she’s entitled to.

NICK: She didn’t know about the commercial lot?!

JOHN: She does now.

NICK: Why don’t we slip behand the building and have a friendly discussion.

JOHN: That’s fine. I have no problem getting my ass kicked by you as long as my sister gets what she rightfully hers.

NICK: Good, let’s go! )to the barmaid) Hold this. I’ll be back in about five minutes.

They leave. Good-looking guy sips his drink thinking deeply for a few minutes, then looks up to the Barmaid.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Hold my place. I’ll be back in a few minutes.

BARMAID: Where are you going?

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: To do my good deed for the night.

No longer slouching over, the huge Good-Looking Guy gets up and walks out looking for John.Lesson 8 QE #2

Logline: John, a short, average looking guy confronts good-looking Nick about his sister’s divorce

Essence: John needs to get info to protect his sister in her upcoming divorce with Nick.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Nick sits at a loud, crowded bar checking out all the good-looking women flirting with the people around them while finishing his beer. He tilts his head to the slouched over GOOD-LOOKING GUY next to him.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: How’s it going?

NICK: Just waiting on my soon to be ex’s brother to show. He hates crowds. So, I thought this would be the best place to meet.

Good-looking guy looks at him quizzically.

NICK: If you want an edge, put someone in an uncomfortable setting… My wife nuts if she thinks I’m giving her half of everything I own. All she did was stay at home while I worked. And, I had a successful business long before we were married.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Kids?

NICK: Three.

Nick removes a photo of his kids from his wallet and points at the picture.

NICK: Nick, Jr. He’s eleven. That’s Johnny, he’s ten. And there’s sweet Angela. She’s six.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Wow, good looking kids.

NICK (proudly): Yeah, they’re really great kids.

Good-looking guy looks at him in deep thought while Nick notices John walking up to him in the mirror behind bar and turns to him.

NICK: Here he comes… John, good to see you. Let me get you a beer. (turns to the good-looking guy) What are you drinking?

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Scotch, on the rocks.

The barmaid comes to Nick who points to his beer, then at himself and John. He then gestures to the Good-Looking Guy’s drink and nods to the barmaid. She smiles and nods back.

JOHN: I appreciate you meeting with me, Nick. But, it’s really hard to talk in a place like this.

NICK: Relax, we’ll be fine. You need to start socializing a little more. You know Jill was always worried you would never find someone. Live a little. There’s more to life than researching shit on the internet. You really do need to get out more. (tilts head to the end of the bar) Check out those babes at the end of the bar. They’re not out of your league, John.

John glances at them, then back at Nick and sighs as he situates himself next to him. The barmaid delivers the drinks. Nick toasts John and the good-looking Guy.

NICK: May we all get lucky.

John gives him a stern look and puts his beer down.

JOHN: Let’s just see if we can resolve the issues you have with Jill.

NICK: Fine, I hope you understand that I have no interest in making this difficult for her. The most important thing is the kids. We’ve known you for a number of years. You know, I could use someone like you. How would you like a thirty-five percent increase in pay?

JOHN: Doing what?

NICK: We’d find something for you.

JOHN: But my sister also needs to be taken care of.

Nick checks out the women at the end of the bar. One smiles at him and he crack a smile at her.

JOHN: Let’s stay focused on what we’re here for.

NICK: I am. But there’s nothing that says we can’t enjoy the eye candy and while taking care of business.

JOHN (irritated): What about Jill?

NICK: I have no problem with the child support. But your sister is wanting way too much of my assets. She seems to forget that I already thriving business before we even met. And, I see no reason to pay alimony. She’s perfectly healthy and capable of working.

JOHN: Don’t the kids deserve a decent place to live?

NICK: I told her she can have half the equity from the house when it sells. And, the kids can stay with me any time.

JOHN: And, what about that land you purchased through some company you set up?

NICK (surprised): What are you talking about? What company? What land?

JOHN: You don’t think she knew?

NICK: I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.

JOHN: We already know the property. Since you didn’t list that on your asset list that you provided the court, that’s perjury. I’ve been told it’s worth over $2million.

NICK (flustered): Ah, bullshit. Whoever said that is lying. It’s not worth a dime over $1,000,000.

As the conversation gets louder, Good-looking guy starts listening.

JOHN: Then, why would they say $2 million?

NICK: I bought that 5 years ago for $250,000. It’s just an empty lot across from Wal-Mart, which wasn’t built when I got the lot. I might be able to get $1.25.

JOHN (grinning): Wal-Mart, huh? I think I know which lot that is. How big is it?

NICK: You tell me. You seem to know so much.

JOHN: I do now. And, it looks like you valued the company at 25% of its true value.

NICK: Says who? Jill? Jill doesn’t know shit about business.

JOHN: She handled all the books for the first seven years until it became too much with the kids.

NICK: She hardly did anything… I need to take a piss. I’ll be back.

Nick walks towards the two women at the end of the bar and whispers to the woman that was checking him out as he passes by her. She giggles.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: That’s really nice that you’re looking out for your sister.

John tries to ignore him.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: So, your sister helped out with the business.

JOHN: Helped out?! The business was going under when my sister came to work there. She helped him turn it around. They were a team. After a year and a half, they got married. She kept him focused and encouraged him whenever things were going bad.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Huh!

John looks at him quizzically, then turns to see Nick heading back, while slyly passing a folded paper in her hand of the girl he flirted with. She opens it, looks down and smiles, then folds it and puts it in her bra, which John sees. He whispers in ear of the woman’s friend, who looks up at John and smiles. He returns to John.

NICK: Okay, so where were we?

JOHN: We were talking about what your business was worth. The bottom line is that she gets half, but she might settle for a third if you sign over the property.

NICK: See that woman down there that’s smiling at you? She’s interested in you. I have a proposition for you. Instead of driving that old piece of shit Ford Fiesta, I’ll get you a low milage Lexus 300. Just forget about that Lot and I’ll pay Jill, in cash, 25% of appraised value of the business.

JOHN: You think I would betray my sister for a car?

NICK: She’s divorcing me.

JOHN: That’s cause you’re a pig. The divorce isn’t done and you’re already chasing women. Of course, that never stopped you in the past. You think Jill didn’t know about all your philandering? She stayed with you for the kids until I said enough was enough. And, that bullshit about you having a successful business before you met Jill. You were on the verge of bankruptcy.

Nick furrows his brow and purses his lips at Good-Looking guy, then turns back to John. Good-Looking Guy listens intently again.

NICK: So, you’re not going to help me. You’re going to live alone, driving that old jalopy for the rest of your life.

JOHN: I can live with that.

NICK: Yeah well live with this, I don’t care what my attorney says, I’ll make sure she gets nothing. But I’ll get a house for the kids and she can live with them because it will be in the kids’ name only. But she can still have her share of the equity of the house. But, that’s it.

JOHN: You’re toast. Now that I verified that property, my sister will get everything she’s entitled to.

NICK: She didn’t know about the commercial lot?!

JOHN: She does now.

NICK: Why don’t we slip behind the building and have a friendly discussion?

JOHN: That’s fine. I have no problem getting my ass kicked by you as long as my sister gets what she rightfully hers.

NICK: Good, let’s go! )to the barmaid) Hold this. I’ll be back in about five minutes.

They leave. Good-looking guy sips his drink thinking deeply for a few minutes, then looks up to the Barmaid.

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Hold my place. I’ll be back in a few minutes.

BARMAID: Where are you going?

GOOD-LOOKING GUY: To do my good deed for the night.

No longer slouching over, the huge Good-Looking Guy gets up and walks out looking for John.

[Zev Ledman]

EXT. BEACHFRONT PAVILION – NIGHT LATE 80’s Lesson 6 – QE Cycle #1

Numerous High School graduates loiter around a pavilion, some sitting on concrete picnic tables, smoking and drinking beer out of cups. All are dressed in beach clothes, some revealing. Others stroll around the beach drinking while others line up to fill their cups from a keg set on the back of a pick-up truck with speakers blaring out music. Some smoke pot below the pavilion. A few people dance to the music.

TRENT, a hip, dressed-like Miami Vice guy races up in a Vette convertible and parks on an angle close to a number of girls. He sits on his door, making sure everyone sees all his jewelry. It’s all fake. A couple of attractive girls approach him wearing beach clothes and a bikini top.

PRETTY GIRL 1 Nice to see you show up.

PRETTY GIRL 2 Can we get you a drink?

TRENT Sure, Babe.

STEVE, a somewhat overweight, slightly drunk, nineteen-year-old, holding a drink, walks toward him.

STEVE Trent, what’s happening, bro?

He tries to give Trent a hip handshake, which Trent tries to ignore, causing him to spill his beer on his door, almost spilling it on him.

TRENT Hey, asshole, what the hell’s the matter with you?

STEVE Sorry, man. I’ll clean it up.

The girls snicker as they leave followed by an embarrassed Steve. Trent yells at him.

TRENT And, find a soft cotton cloth!

Embarrassed, he nods as a ticked-off Trent reaches into his glove compartment and pulls out a soft cloth to clean the beer off his car.

JULIE, his pretty girlfriend, approaches him with two beers.

JULIE What took you so long?

She hands him a beer.

TRENT It takes money to pay for this stuff.

Trent flashes his jewelry to her as ROBERT, a good-looking, friendly nineteen-year-old drives up in an older Toyota Corolla and parks close to Trent’s Vette.

He gets out of his car and walks toward Trent, who is delighted to see him.

TRENT Good to see you, Robert.

ROBERT And, you. Hi, Julie.

He cracks a smile at her, who shyly looks away. Trent furrows his brow.

ROBERT So, what’s going on?

Trent gets out of his car and walks up to him, holding his full beer, and gives him a thumb handshake as he leans over to whisper in his ear.

TRENT Julie told me how you came on to her. She’s out of your league, bro. Nice try.

ROBERT (awkwardly) I was just being friendly. I have no interest in any friend’s girlfriends.

TRENT Okay, no problem, bro.

Robert sees the two pretty girls coming towards them, one with one beer, and the other with two.

ROBERT Wow, for me.

PRETTY GIRL 2 In your dreams.

Trent winks at her as she passes it to him. Robert looks at Trent’s two beers and huhs to himself. Julie’s put off by the flirting girls.

JULIE Give it to him, will you?

The girls smile flirtingly at Trent as they leave while glancing at Julie, who gives them a stern look. Seeing Julie’s irritated, Trent passes a beer to Robert.

TRENT Here.

ROBERT Thanks, bro.

TRENT If you want to get high, they’re toking under the pavilion.

Trent notices JIM, a smart-ass jock sitting on one of the picnic tables under the pavilion.

TRENT Looky there, Jim made it.

Robert looks his way and hurumphs.

Trent looks at Robert and raises his brow.

ROBERT He would have never graduated had a couple of girls not helped him cheat his way through school. Typical jock.

TRENT You might want to be careful about who you say that too.

Trent sees Steve returning with a cup of water and a rag.

ROBERT I’m careful. Anyway, let me see who else is here.

TRENT (to Steve) Don’t get any water on my leather seats. And, you better not scratch the paint.

Robert glances at Julie with a half-smile as he moseys on. Trent notices and furrows his brow.

STEVE I’ll be really careful. I’m really sorry, man.

Robert acts like he’s friends with everyone, making sure all the girls see him, occasionally flirting with some of them as he continues walking around.

Trent looks at Julie and tilts his head toward the pavilion. They head to the pavilion.

TRENT (whispers to Julie) You know he’s full of shit.

She stops and looks at him.

TRENT Do you think I don’t know the crap he’s been saying?… First, you know the Vette is mine. And, the Rolex, it’s real.

TIME DISSOLVE:

Robert walks toward the pavilion. Now, a little drunk, but still acting friendly towards everyone. Jim sees him and tilts his head, acknowledging him. Robert walks up to him and gives him a thumb handshake.

ROBERT So, what have you been doing over the summer?

JIM Just partying every chance I get. How bout you?

ROBERT Same old, same old.

They raise their cups to each other.

Jim notices Trent who gives him a light nod. Jim gives him a light nod back and turns to Robert.

JIM You want to smoke a joint?

Jim points to the beach.

EXT. BEACH BELOW PAVILION – NIGHT

Robert, Jim, and a few guys are passing a joint around. Robert is getting high and giggles a lot.

ROBERT (snickering) This is really good stuff.

JIM Since I couldn’t get a football scholarship, my girlfriend broke up with me. She said we weren’t a good fit.

ROBERT (snickering) That’s too bad, man.

JIM So, you think I’m some kind of dumb shit.

ROBERT (snickering) Yeah, right… Wait, what?

Robert blows air, trying to get straight. Jim looks at him sternly.

ROBERT Bullshit! Who said it?

JIM Her friends, for one. Trent, for another.

ROBERT Ah, the only thing I said was that the teacher sucked and no one can learn anything from him.

JIM Ohhh, I see. I appreciate you clearing that up.

Somewhat relieved, Robert nervously smiles and nods. Jim starts beating the shit out of him with his buddies joining in.

[Zev Ledman]

EXT. BEACHFRONT PAVILION – NIGHT LATE 80’s Double the quality

Numerous High School graduates loiter around a pavilion, some sitting on concrete picnic tables, smoking and drinking beer out of cups. All are dressed in beach clothes, some revealing. Others stroll around the beach drinking while others line up to fill their cups from a keg set on the back of a pick-up truck which also has speakers blaring out music. Some smoke pot below the pavilion. A few people dance to the music.

TRENT, a hip, dressed-like Miami Vice guy races up in a Vette convertible and parks on an angle close to a number of girls. He sits on his door, making sure everyone sees all his jewelry. It’s all fake. A couple of attractive girls approach him.

PRETTY GIRL 1

Nice to see you show up.

PRETTY GIRL 2

Can we get you a drink?

TRENT

Sure, Babe.

STEVE, a somewhat overweight, slightly drunk, nineteen-year-old, holding a drink, walks toward him.

STEVE

Trent, what’s happening, bro?

He tries to give Trent a hip handshake, which Trent tries to ignore, causing him to spill his beer on his door, almost spilling it on him.

TRENT

Hey, asshole, what the hell’s the matter with you?

STEVE

Sorry, man. I’ll clean it up.

The girls snicker as they leave. An awkward Steve leaves. Trent yells at him.

TRENT

And, find a soft cotton cloth!

Embarrassed, he nods as a ticked-off Trent reaches into his glove compartment and pulls out a soft cloth to clean the beer off his car.

JULIE, his pretty girlfriend, approaches him with two beers.

Julie

What took you so long?

She hands him a beer.

TRENT

It takes money to pay for this stuff.

Trent flashes his jewelry to her as ROBERT, a good-looking, friendly nineteen-year-old drives up in an older Toyota Corolla and parks close to Trent’s Vette.

He gets out of his car and walks toward Trent, who is delighted to see him.

TRENT

Good to see you, Robert.

ROBERT

And, you. Hi, Julie.

He cracks a smile at her, who shyly looks away. Trent furrows his brow.

ROBERT

So, what’s going on?

Trent gets out of his car and walks up to him, holding his full beer, and gives him a thumb handshake as he leans over to whisper in his ear.

TRENT

Julie told me how you came on to her. She’s out of

your league, bro. Nice try.

ROBERT

(awkwardly)

I was just being friendly. I would never do that to a friend.

TRENT

Okay, no problem, bro.

Robert sees the two pretty girls coming towards them, one with one beer, and the other with two.

ROBERT

Wow, for me.

PRETTY GIRL 2

In your dreams.

Trent winks at her as she passes it to him. Robert looks at Trent’s two beers and huhs to himself. Julie’s put off by the flirting girls.

JULIE

Give it to him, will you.

The girls smile flirtingly at Trent as they leave while glancing at Julie, who gives them a stern look. Seeing Julie’s irritated, Trent passes a beer to Robert.

TRENT

Here.

ROBERT

Thanks, bro.

TRENT

If you want to get high, they’re toking under the pavilion.

Trent notices JIM, a smart-ass jock sitting on one of the picnic tables under the pavilion.

TRENT

Looky there, Jim made it.

Robert looks his way and hurumphs.

Trent looks at Robert and raises his brow.

ROBERT

He would have never graduated had a couple of girls not

helped him cheat his way through school. Typical jock.

TRENT

You might want to be careful about who you say that to.

Trent sees Steve returning with a cup of water and a rag.

ROBERT

I’m careful. Anyway, let me see who else is here.

TRENT

(to Steve)

Don’t get any water on my leather seats. And, you better not

scratch the paint.

Robert glances at Julie with a half-smile as he moseys on. Trent notices and furrows his brow.

STEVE

I’ll be really careful. I’m really sorry, man.

Trent looks at Julie and tilts his head toward the pavilion. They head in that direction.

Robert acts like he’s friends with everyone, making sure all the girls see how popular he is.

He flirts with several of the girls as he continues walking around.

TIME DISSOLVE:

Robert walks toward the pavilion. Now, a little drunk, but still acting friendly towards everyone. Jim sees him and tilts his head, acknowledging him. Robert walks up to him and gives him a thumb handshake.

ROBERT

So, what have you been doing over the summer?

JIM

Just partying every chance I get. How bout you?

ROBERT

Same old, same old.

They raise their cups to each other.

Jim notices Trent who gives him a light nod. Jim gives him a light nod back and turns to Robert.

JIM

You want to smoke a joint?

Jim points to the beach.

EXT. BEACH BELOW PAVILION – NIGHT

Robert, Jim, and a few guys are passing a joint around.

ROBERT

(snickering)

This is really good stuff.

JIM

My girlfriend broke up with me. She didn’t think we were

a good fit.

ROBERT

(snickering)

That’s too bad, man.

JIM

So, you think I’m some kind of dumb shit.

ROBERT

(snickering)

Yeah, right… Wait, what?

JIM

That’s right

ROBERT

Bullshit. Who said it?

JIM

Friends of hers.

ROBERT

Ah, the only thing I said was that the teacher

sucked and no one can learn anything from him.

JIM

Ohhh, I see. Thanks for clearing that up.

Robert nervously smiles and nods. Jim starts beating the shit out of him with his buddies joining in.

[Zev Ledman]

EXT. BEACHFRONT PAVILION – NIGHT LATE 80’s Double the quality

Numerous High School graduates loiter around a pavilion, some sitting on concrete picnic tables, smoking and drinking beer out of cups. All are dressed in beach clothes, some revealing. Others stroll around the beach drinking while others line up to fill their cups from a keg set on the back of a pick-up truck which also has speakers blaring out music. Some smoke pot below the pavilion. A few people dance to the music.

TRENT, a hip, dressed-like Miami Vice guy races up in a Vette convertible and parks on an angle close to a number of girls. He sits on his door, making sure everyone sees all his jewelry. It’s all fake. A couple of attractive girls approach him.

PRETTY GIRL 1

Nice to see you show up.

PRETTY GIRL 2

Can we get you a drink?

TRENT

Sure, Babe.

STEVE, a somewhat overweight, slightly drunk, nineteen-year-old, holding a drink, walks toward him.

STEVE

Trent, what’s happening, bro?

He tries to give Trent a hip handshake, which Trent tries to ignore, causing him to spill his beer on his door, almost spilling it on him.

TRENT

Hey, asshole, what the hell’s the matter with you?

STEVE

Sorry, man. I’ll clean it up.

The girls snicker as they leave. An awkward Steve leaves. Trent yells at him.

TRENT

And, find a soft cotton cloth!

Embarrassed, he nods as a ticked-off Trent reaches into his glove compartment and pulls out a soft cloth to clean the beer off his car.

JULIE, his pretty girlfriend, approaches him with two beers.

Julie

What took you so long?

She hands him a beer.

TRENT

It takes money to pay for this stuff.

Trent flashes his jewelry to her as ROBERT, a good-looking, friendly nineteen-year-old drives up in an older Toyota Corolla and parks close to Trent’s Vette.

He gets out of his car and walks toward Trent, who is delighted to see him.

TRENT

Good to see you, Robert.

ROBERT

And, you. Hi, Julie.

He cracks a smile at her, who shyly looks away. Trent furrows his brow.

ROBERT

So, what’s going on?

Trent gets out of his car and walks up to him, holding his full beer, and gives him a thumb handshake as he leans over to whisper in his ear.

TRENT

Julie told me how you came on to her. She’s out of

your league, bro. Nice try.

ROBERT

(awkwardly)

I was just being friendly. I would never do that to a friend.

TRENT

Okay, no problem, bro.

Robert sees the two pretty girls coming towards them, one with one beer, and the other with two.

ROBERT

Wow, for me.

PRETTY GIRL 2

In your dreams.

Trent winks at her as she passes it to him. Robert looks at Trent’s two beers and huhs to himself. Julie’s put off by the flirting girls.

JULIE

Give it to him, will you?

The girls smile flirtingly at Trent as they leave while glancing at Julie, who gives them a stern look. Seeing Julie’s irritated, Trent passes a beer to Robert.

TRENT

Here.

ROBERT

Thanks, bro.

TRENT

If you want to get high, they’re toking under the pavilion.

Trent notices JIM, a smart-ass jock sitting on one of the picnic tables under the pavilion.

TRENT

Looky there, Jim made it.

Robert looks his way and hurumphs.

Trent looks at Robert and raises his brow.

ROBERT

He would have never graduated had a couple of girls not

helped him cheat his way through school. Typical jock.

TRENT

You might want to be careful about who you say that to.

Trent sees Steve returning with a cup of water and a rag.

ROBERT

I’m careful. Anyway, let me see who else is here.

TRENT

(to Steve)

Don’t get any water on my leather seats. And, you better not

scratch the paint.

Robert glances at Julie with a half-smile as he moseys on. Trent notices and furrows his brow.

STEVE

I’ll be really careful. I’m really sorry, man.

Trent looks at Julie and tilts his head toward the pavilion. They head in that direction.

Robert acts like he’s friends with everyone, making sure all the girls see how popular he is.

He flirts with several of the girls as he continues walking around.

TIME DISSOLVE:

Robert walks toward the pavilion. Now, a little drunk, but still acting friendly towards everyone. Jim sees him and tilts his head, acknowledging him. Robert walks up to him and gives him a thumb handshake.

ROBERT

So, what have you been doing over the summer?

JIM

Just partying every chance I get. How bout you?

ROBERT

Same old, same old.

They raise their cups to each other.

Jim notices Trent who gives him a light nod. Jim gives him a light nod back and turns to Robert.

JIM

You want to smoke a joint?

Jim points to the beach.

EXT. BEACH BELOW PAVILION – NIGHT

Robert, Jim and a few guys are passing a joint around.

ROBERT

(snickering)

This is really good stuff.

JIM

My girlfriend broke up with me. She didn’t think we were

a good fit.

ROBERT

(snickering)

That’s too bad, man.

JIM

So, you think I’m some kind of dumb shit.

ROBERT

(snickering)

Yeah, right… Wait, what?

JIM

That’s right

ROBERT

Bullshit. Who said it?

JIM

Friends of hers.

ROBERT

Ah, the only thing I said was that the teacher

sucked and no one can learn anything from him.

JIM

Ohhh, I see. Thanks for clearing that up.

Robert nervously smiles and nods. Jim starts beating the shit out of him with his buddies joining in.

[Zev Ledman]

INT. FRATERNITY HOUSE – NIGHT 1^st Draft

Loud music is playing. Numerous College Students are partying. Everyone is drinking a punch drink in plastic cups. A few people are dancing. Through a doorway in the kitchen stands an open, emptied out refrigerator with a large plastic trash can in it, filled with punch. Several large, empty bottles of liquor are dispersed around the floor next to the refrigerator.

TRENT, a sharply dressed guy stands in front of the refrigerator, holding two cups while a LOUD DRUNK, holding a ladle, fills the cups. A number of college kids stand in line with their cups. Drunk overflows Trent’s cups.

TRENT

Hey, watch it.

LOUD DRUNK

Sorry, Trent.

Trent gives him a stern look as he sets the cups on countertop and washing his hands in the sink.

Trent sighs at the drunk as he walks out of the kitchen into the hallway, where JULIE, his attractive girlfriend is waiting. He hands her the drink.

TRENT

This stuff will lay you on your ass. It’s been fermenting

for several days.

She lightly nods and slowly sips the drink. Trent notices ROBERT entering, slapping people on the back as he walks past them. He nods to Trent as he approaches him.

ROBERT

What’s going on, buddy?

TRENT

If you’re going to pledge, you need to get here early to

set up and help clean up at the end.

ROBERT

I gotcha.

He glances at Julie with a half-smile, who shyly looks away. Trent pulls Robert towards him and whispers in his ear.

TRENT

And, brother’s girlfriends are off limits. Did you really

think Julie wouldn’t tell me you came on to her?

ROBERT

I knew that. I was only trying to be friendly. Nothing else.

Trent looks at him cynically.

TRENT

As you can see, lots of women here, but you can’t go out

with a Little Sister unless you Pledge. So, how’s everything

else going?

ROBERT

Great. Classes are a breeze. I’ll probably have a 3.5 this

semester.

TRENT

Really. Jim’s in your chemistry class. He didn’t think you

were doing that well. You know the school requires a 2.75

to pledge any fraternity.

ROBERT

Piece of cake. And, Jim doesn’t know shit. Just because I

ask questions doesn’t mean I don’t get it. And, let’s face it,

he’s not the sharpest tool in the box.

TRENT

Good enough. By the way, if you feel like getting high,

they’re outside in the back.

Robert cracks a smile and glances at Julie again as he moseys on. Trent notices and furrows his brow.

Robert acts like he’s best friends with everyone, making sure the girls see this as he makes his way to the kitchen and grabs a cup of punch.

He flirts with several of the girls as he makes his way around the rooms.

TIME DISSOLVE:

Robert loiters close to the back door where JIM, a smart-ass jock, stands close to the door. Trent gives him a nod. Jim looks at Robert and cracks a smile, then looks back at Trent and gives a light nod.

Jim walks up to Robert and puts his hand on his shoulder and whispers in his ear. Robert pulls back with a smile as Jim tilts his head to the back door.

EXT. BACKYARD – NIGHT

They step out the back door where a few guys are smoking a joint and walk up to the group. One of the guys passes the joint to Robert. He takes a puff and passes it to Jim.

The all take turns passing the joint around.

ROBERT

Wow, this is really good stuff.

JIM

So, you think I’m some kind of dumbshit.

ROBERT

(snickering)

Yeah, right… Wait, what?

JIM

You think I didn’t hear it?

ROBERT

That’s bullshit. I never said any such thing. Who said it?

JIM

Trent! Are you saying he’s lying?

ROBERT

I think he misunderstood what I was saying. All I was

saying was that the teacher was worthless and nobody

can understand him.

JIM

I think you’re full of shit.

Jim starts flailing on Robert with his buddies joining in.

[Zev Ledman]

ESSENCE – Lesson 3 Extreme People

By understanding a character’s traits, it gives your characters their own voice. In addition, you better understand the changes in traits that happen through their journey.

Person 1

Resentful

holier than thou

loud-mouthed coward

helps others for praise

Him – I get here on time. Why can’t you?

Me – Some of us have a lot of things we’re trying to do.

Him – So does everyone. You have to decide what’s important.

Me – There are certain things I can’t wait on.

Him – Everyone makes their own excuses.

Me – Maybe if you worked a regular job…

Him – There’s more to life than money. At least, I’m married. Something you’ll never be.

Person 2

Takes advantage of people

Deflects responsibility

Charming

Humorous

Wants a great life for himself and his children

Me – But, you burned through your father-in-law’s entire retirement, getting stuff to help you.

Him – He decided he wanted a new car. I just helped him decide which one.

Me – That you’re now using. You also talked him into buying a truck for your business.

Him – He was the one who told me to use it. And, I told him if he had a truck, he could do all our deliveries. So, he thought it would be a good business to earn money since he’s retired.

Me – I see. So, you and your wife are the only ones who drive the car. He knows nothing about business. He’s just a good old country boy who trusted you. Now, he’s got nothing to live on. What happens if you go out of business?

Him – That can happen to any business. I didn’t tell him what to do. He decided for himself. Besides, business is going great.

Person 3

Hard-working

Insecure

Easily intimidated

Emotionally weak

Enjoys socializing

Me – Tell him he’s got to get a job?

Her – I begged him. He said he was providing life experiences for the family. If he worked, he couldn’t do that. Then, our son agreed with him.

Me – Tell him, most fathers can do both.

Her – You don’t understand, he told me that if he didn’t make enough money within 6 months of our move, he would get a job.

Me – That was 5 years ago. What’s the excuse now?

Her – He wanted another 3 months, then 6. Then, he said he wanted to stay home until our son went to university.

Me – Give me a break. The guy’s a slug. He needs to be a responsible adult. Stand up to him!

Her – If I push too hard, he’ll start criticizing me. Then, our son will join in.

Me – So what!

Her – You don’t know how bad it will get.

Me – Tell me this, how often do you go out with friends?

Her – Not in years. But, with COVID, there’s not much to do anyway.

Me – COVID’s over! Are you telling me you’re not even allowed to have a social life! Before you moved, you had so many friends. He’s just a control freak. And, he brings nothing to the table.

Her – You don’t know what it’s like. Gas is very expensive and he keeps a watch on the mileage.

Me – But, you make the money! It’s so bizarre. Oh, just forget it.

[Zev Ledman]

Lesson 2

Zev Ledman – Puts Essence to Work

I am beginning to realize how critical it is to have an understanding of the meaning of any scene and it’s importance to the story.

Scene 1 – Location – Gravesite of Miriam’s uncle

Logline – Judah attends the funeral of his teacher, who is also Miriam’s uncle, who was tortured and killed by the King.

Essence I’ve discovered – Judah feels guilty about the torture and killing of Miriam’s uncle because of Judah’s mischievous activities of vandalizing Greeks idols.

New Logline – Miriam’s uncle is tortured and killed for Judah’s mischievous activities.

Scene 2 – Judah and his brother travel to help Zalmy.

Logline – On his way to Zalmy’s, Zealots attack a Greek patrol who have stolen Torahs and are slaughtered.

Essence – Judah sees the Greek battle tactics and their ruthlessness towards some captured Zealots.

New Logline – Judah watches a Greek patrol’s tactics when attacked by Zealots and their ruthlessness.

Scene 3 – Judah visits Jerusalem marketplace.

Logline – Judah comes to Miriam’s aid after she is hit by Greek soldiers.

Essence – Judah’s interest in Miriam becomes apparent when he notices her admiring a necklace and reacts strongly after she is hit by a Greek soldier.

New Logline – Judah notices Miriam admiring a necklace and saves her from an assault by a Greek soldier.

Scene 4 – Greek Palestra

Logline – After getting an okay to attend the Palestra from temple official, Amos and Eva find themselves being drawn into lewd behavior, contrary to their belief system.

Essence – After receiving and invitation from a Greek official, a religious couple attends the Greek Palestra and find themselves drawn into lewd behavior that they never intended to do.

New Logline – After receiving conditional approval from a temple official to attend a Greek lascivious festival, a drunken religious couple finds themselves drawn into lewd behavior that they never intended.

Scene 5 – Egyptian surrender to the Hellenist King.

Logline – King Antiochus destroys the Egyptian army, but is humiliated by a Roman leader who forces his army to leave with no tribute, putting his treasury in peril.

Essence – A victorious King expects to replenish his treasury and make the conquered army a vasal state, but is humiliated by a Roman leader, ending up with nothing requiring him to take another tactic to replenish his treasury.

New Logline – After conquering the Egyptian army, a humiliated King Antiochus is forced to accept Roman terms and identifies the Jewish temple as a way to replenish his treasury.

[Zev Ledman]

Script – FORREST GUMP – ACT 1

There should be a strong underling meaning to all the scenes

Zev Ledman Finds the Essence

Scene 1 – Mrs. Gump meets with Principal to attend High School.

Logline – Mrs. Gump wants Forrest to attend a normal High School.

Essence – Mrs. Gump will do anything to make sure her low IQ son attends a normal High School.

Scene 2 – Forrest tries to find a seat on the bus.

Logline –Forrest meets Jenny on the school bus for the first time.

Essence – Other than his mother, Jenny is the dearest person to Forrest.

Scene 3 Forrest goes to college.

Logline – A football coach sees Forrest’s ability to run and gets him on the university team.

Essence – A football coach will overlook any person’s deficiencies to win games.

Scene 4 – U of Alabama integrates.

Logline – Gov Wallace and demonstrators try to prevent their university from integrating as an oblivious Forrest unknowingly helps the black girl enter the university.

Essence – Forrest has no racial prejudices and is oblivious to the seriousness of the situation and unknowingly assists the black girl showing she’s no different from any other girl.

Scene 4 – Forrest waits for Jenny to return from her date at college.

Logline – Forrest mistakenly tries to save Jenny and expresses his deep love for her, but doesn’t really understand love.

Essence – Forrest truly loves Jenny even though he doesn’t really understand physical love, but will do anything to protect her.

[Zev Ledman]

Zev Ledman

Lesson 4 – Max Interest Part 1

INT. SCHOOL HOUSE – DAY

JONAH, a mid-forties religiously dressed teacher, wearing a yamulka and fringes on the corner of his clothes stands in the front of a room filled with rows of long tables and benches facing him. Older religiously dressed Teenage Boys study the medium-sized scrolls set before them.

ELEAZER, a sprightly, eighteen-year-old with a sparse beard sits in the front listening intently.

JONAH

And, what if they demand obedience?

ELEAZER

Did not Daniel defy the King’s decree in our time of captivity?

Jonah gives Eleazer a light nod.

JONAH

Okay, tomorrow, we’ll study further the struggles our people overcame during the Babylonian captivity.

All the students leave as Jonah points to Eleazer.

JONAH (CONT’D)

Where’s Judah?

Eleazer shrugs and lightly shakes his head.

JONAH (CONT’D)

I expect him here tomorrow.

As Eleazer leaves, Jonah starts organizing things.

TIME DISSOLVE:

JUDAH, a cocky, religiously dressed twenty-year-old with a short beard, races through the door, out of breath, intently looking around as he turns the wooden block to lock the door.

JONAH (CONT’D)

What did you do this time, Judah?

JUDAH

I think someone saw me.

Pounding on the door. Jonah directs Judah to hide in a large wooden box in the back.

He quickly jumps in and covers himself with a prayer shawl as Jonah fills it with scrolls, closes it and puts more scrolls on top of the box.

Jonah rushes to the door and unlocks it as THEO, an athletic, thirtyish Lieutenant and SOLDIER 1 charge in, intently walk around the room.

THEO

Where is he?

JONAH

What are you talking about?

Judah peers through a crack on the side of the box and sees Theo racing to his box.

THEO

We saw him coming this way.

Judah crouches silently as Theo lifts the lid and shuffles the scrolls on top of the prayer shawl before closing it.

JONAH

What you’re talking about? All the students left some time ago.

Judah sees the Soldiers grab Jonah and take him away.

THEO

You’re coming with us.

[Zev Ledman]

1. Zev Ledman

2. I’ve written 2 scripts.

3. I hope to elevate my writing quality.

4. I do Land Developing. Not exactly, someone you would expect to write screenplays.

[Zev Ledman]

Zev Ledman

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Zev Ledman]

Zev Ledman

I agree to the terms of this release form

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Zev Ledman]

I see the importance of wounds and how they can dramatically elevate the emotional attachment to a movie.

What causes both characters to
reveal their wounds?

Skylar tells Will she wants him
to move with her to California. An insecure Will doesn’t believe the rich,
trust fund woman. Rather, he believes that she just wants to play with him,
only to dump him when she tires of him. Skylar reveals that she has been
hurt in the past, but she is ready to take the step out and commit her
love to someone again.

How are those wounds
motivating their emotions, actions, and reactions?

Will thinks it’s all a bullshit
rich girls’ game and reacts by telling her, he knows she’ll abandon him at
the first sign of trouble. He then reveals, he’s not who he says he is. He
has no huge family. In fact, he an orphan raised in an abusive home in a
dangerous, low-class neighborhood. She tells him it doesn’t matter and
that she’s still committed to love and care for him. Then, she exposes her
soul and requests that he tell her, “Tell me you don’t love me, if you
really don’t.” He does and leaves, ripping her heart out with no concern
for her feelings.

How is each character threatening
the other’s wound?

Skylar opens up about her feelings of love causes an
unbelieving Will to react vociferously to her perceived lies. Rather than show
any vulnerability, he attacks her revealing his total disbelief in
anything she says, breaking her heart once again.

What drama was this scene built
around?

High emotion of 2 deeply hurt, traumatized people reacting
differently to their wound. A disbelieving Will attacking Skylar, while
Skylar sympathizes with Will’s tormented upbringing revealing she won’t do
that to him. Instead, Will opens her wound.

What traits showed up in these
character’s words and actions?

Will- distrusting, angry, reactionary,
no concern for other’s feelings, low self-esteem.

Skylar- Vulnerable, loving,
compassionate, committed, desires to help him, self-conscious about her economic position.

[Zev Ledman]

I learned how deep wounds can elevate the emotional connection to the story by the audience.

What causes both characters to
reveal their wounds?

Skylar tells Will she wants him
to move with her to California. An insecure Will doesn’t believe the rich,
trust fund woman. Rather, he believes that she just wants to play with him,
only to dump him when she tires of him. Skylar reveals that she’s been
hurt in the past, but she is ready to take the step out and commit her
love to someone again.

How are those wounds
motivating their emotions, actions, and reactions?

Will thinks it’s all a bullshit
rich girls’ game and reacts by telling her, he knows she’ll abandon him at
the first sign of trouble. He then reveals, he’s not who he says he is. He
has no huge family. In fact, he an orphan raised in an abusive home in a
dangerous, low-class neighborhood. She tells him it doesn’t matter and
that she’s still committed to love and care for him. Then, she exposes her
soul and requests that he tell her, “Tell me you don’t love me. If you
really don’t, I won’t bother you again.” He rips her heart out with no concern
for her feelings by telling her he doesn’t love her.

How is each character threatening
the other’s wound?

Skylar opens up about her feelings of love causes an
unbelieving Will to react vociferously to her perceived lies. Rather than show
any vulnerability, he attacks her, revealing his total disbelief in
anything she says, breaking her heart once again.

What drama was this scene built
around?

High emotion of 2 deeply hurt, traumatized people reacting
differently to their wound. A disbelieving Will attacking Skylar, while
Skylar sympathizes with Will’s tormented upbringing revealing she won’t do
that to him. Instead, Will rips open her wound.

What traits showed up in these
character’s words and actions?

Will- distrusting, angry, reactionary,
no concern for other’s feelings, low self-esteem.

Skylar- Vulnerable, loving,
compassionate, committed, desires to help, self-conscious about her economic situation.

[Zev Ledman]

Junah has lost all confidence
in his golf. The fact that he keeps hitting balls at night privately
reflects that he wants it back. But, he can’t figure out what to do. So,
he just keeps hitting balls while getting more discouraged.

Baggar, in an unassuming manor,
wants to be part of the game. He’s very knowledgeable and has the skill
set that allows him to identify what a golfer needs to become better. He wants
to help and is confident in his ability to teach someone how they can
improve their game.

Junah has lost his edge and has
no idea what to do. He can’t figure out what to do on his own. Baggar knows how to fix his problem. And,
he’s comes out of the darkness into the light, like an angel to show Junah
the way at a critical time in his life.

Drama –

Junah wants to compete, but can’t.
Baggar has the answers, but it’s hard for Junah to believe.

Character’s words and
actions? Characters are polar opposites: Junah – High Society,
articulate, serious, intense, superiority complex versus Baggar – laid back
country boy, unrefined, humorous, relaxed.

[Zev Ledman]

Zev Ledman

(2) screenplays – 1 is a coming of age Romantic Comedy taking place in the 1980’s. The other is a true to life, historical drama revealing the time when Greeks ruled Judea (Israel) and oppressed the followers of the Jewish G-d and their traditions.

I have come to the realization of the importance of great and interesting characters to every story and hope to improve my skill set and elevate my writing to the next level.

Big on critical self-analysis in the hopes of making me a better person.

Good luck everyone.

[Zev Ledman]

What future is
Sarah Connor living into? To
save the world.
What future is Kyle Reese
living into? To protect Sarah
What is Sarah’s
transformation that is implied by this scene? Sarah thinks she’s a nothing. She will transform into
the leader to save the earth from the machines and bear a son who will lead
the fight after her.

Traits:

Sarah – caring, seeks
understanding, questions abilities, inquisitive, compassionate, lacks
confidence but begins to wonder when Kyle tells her what a great dressing
she did.
Kyle – Strong, idolizes Sarah,
protector, emotional, willing to sacrifice his all.

What makes this character great
from a writing perspective?

Kyle – Subtext- what he’s saying is not the real reason he came to protect Sarah.

Sarah – She must reinvent herself to become the person she needs to be.

[Zev Ledman]

Typical yuppie college bar where outsiders (Chuckie & friends) from the other side of life are trying to schmooze the women that are clearly out of their league, only to be confronted by the elitist who wants to show the upstart how dumb he is, seeking to humiliate Chuckie in front of the women. Skylar is not amused by the elitists intent to embarrass Chuckie. Then Will, his non-academic, highly intelligent friend intercedes to turn the tables on the elitist, embarrassing him. The elitist student leaves with a parting dig about the difference between them, only to see Will’s blue-collar reaction come out.

[Zev Ledman]

Good eye, I missed Skylar turning around to see Will leave. Set-up for a future scene.