Lesson 16

[Renee Miller]

If anyone is ready to swap outlines for feedback, let me know. You can email me at rmiller0911@gmail.com

Title: Frozen Shadows
Written By: Renee Miller – rmiller0911@gmail.com
Logline: When a freak blizzard blankets Whittier, Alaska, in perpetual darkness, the town’s residents are stalked by shadow creatures that manifest their deepest fears and grow stronger with each kill.
Outline Version 1

1. EXT. BEGICH TOWERS – NIGHT
Three teenagers—Edmund, Lucas, and Mark—sneak out of the residential tower, daring each other to go to the abandoned lighthouse.

Apprehension: They whisper nervously, debating if they should continue.
Suspense: Lucas hesitates, looking back at the lit windows of the tower.
Fear: The wind howls unnaturally, almost like a whisper.

2. INT. LIGHTHOUSE – NIGHT
The teens find an old ritual circle and a leather-bound journal inside the lighthouse. When Edmund steps inside the circle, a whisper thanks them—and Mark vanishes. Lucas flees, but the door slams shut, trapping Edmund inside.

Horror Situation:
Edmund is trapped inside the lighthouse as a malevolent force awakens.

Apprehension: The lantern flickers. The salt circle looks disturbed.
Shock: A whisper thanks them. Mark disappears.
Panic: Lucas bolts for the door—it slams shut behind him.
Fear: Shadows pulse toward Edmund, his breath frosting over.
Dread: A figure emerges from the dark, its face warping.
Horror: Edmund stumbles up the stairs, the shadows chasing him.
Release: At the top, the rotating beacon pushes the shadows back.
Scares & Releases:
Scare: A book slams shut by itself.
Release: The beacon saves Edmund—for now.
Monster Reveal: The shifting, amorphous entity watches him from the dark.

3. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – EDMUND’S ROOM – DAY
Now an old recluse, Edmund flips through books and journals while muttering about the darkness returning.

Surprise: A whisper snakes through the room.
Apprehension: The lights flicker sharply.

4. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – BASEMENT – DAY
Anthony, the building maintenance worker at the tower, works on a fuse box. The lights flicker violently as an unseen force stirs.

5. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – MAIL ROOM – DAY
Chuck finds an undeliverable letter with a faded postmark that wasn’t there before.

Surprise: The letter wasn’t there a second ago.
Apprehension: The room’s shadows shift behind him.

6. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY STORAGE ROOM – DAY
Rebecca, alone, checks storm supplies. A whisper from the dark hallway makes her stop.

Surprise: A sudden thud.
Apprehension: The hallway is too silent.

7. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY KITCHEN – DAY
Eliza and Patty pack storm supplies while discussing Tracy’s declining mental state.

Surprise: The lights dim suddenly.
Apprehension: The radio crackles with static.

8. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – STACY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Tired, Stacy sits at the kitchen table, staring at Jack’s suspension notice from school. He sulks across from her, arms crossed. They argue about his vandalism and disrespect, revealing her struggle as a single parent.

Apprehension: Stacy rubs her temple as Jack mutters
Suspense: The lights flicker—she doesn’t notice, but Jack glances toward the dark hallway, uneasy.
Fear: He suddenly asks, “Mom… have you ever seen something in the dark?”
Surprise: Stacy laughs it off. “You sound like Edmund.”
Dread: Jack doesn’t laugh. His eyes stay on the shadowed doorway.

9. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – ARCHIVES ROOM – DAY
Edmund warns Stacy it’s too late. She brushes him off.

10. EXT. TUNNEL ENTRANCE – DAY
Stacy closes the tunnel gate, sealing the town from the outside world.

Apprehension: The wind howls, almost protesting.
Surprise: A streetlamp flickers out.

11. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Tracy hears whispers from her bathroom.

Horror Situation:
Tracy’s mental state unravels as something supernatural watches her.

Surprise: A single water droplet hits the floor.
Apprehension: A whisper calls her name.

12. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S BATHROOM – NIGHT
She walks in to find the bathtub full of water and a small figure with its back turned toward her. The child shifts toward her; his skin is waterlogged, his lips are blue, and his eyes are ashen. She lets out a sob and stumbles backward, hands covering her mouth.

The water in the tub starts to overflow, rushing over the edge, but it’s black, ink-like, pooling at her feet. She shuts her eyes, and when she opens them again the bathtub is empty, dry, pristine.

Scare: The water in the tub starts overflowing—turning black.
Release: She blinks—the tub is empty again.

13. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – HALLWAY – NIGHT
Stacy approaches Tracy’s door, it’s slightly ajar. She calls out to Tracy. No answer. She pushes the door open and steps inside.

14. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT (INCITING INCIDENT)
Stacy steps in and immediately stops when she sees Tracy in the middle of the room, clutching her head and whimpering. Stacy rushes over to her and tries to convince her that there isn’t anyone there.

Before Stacy can react, Tracy stumbles backward. She looks up at Stacy in obvious stress before turning and rushing toward the balcony door. She throws it open and steps outside.

Stacy sprints forward, grabbing the back of Tracy’s shirt, but as she tips over the balcony edge, the weight pulls her out of Stacy’s grasp, and she tumbles over the edge.

Surprise: Stacy arrives to find Tracy clutching her head, whispering frantically, “It’s in the room with us.”
Fear: Stacy doesn’t see anything—but the lights dim unnaturally as Tracy stumbles toward the balcony.
Panic: Stacy lunges for her, grabs her shirt—but Tracy’s yanked out of her grasp.
Horror: Tracy plummets over the edge.

15. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY ROOM – NIGHT
Stacy informs the residents of Tracy’s suicide.

Apprehension: Edmund mutters, “It’s starting again.”

16. INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT
Chuck is dragged into the abyss by shadow tendrils.

Horror Situation:
The shadows claim their first victim inside the building.

Surprise: The lights flicker—then die.
Shock: A shadow tendril lashes out, wrapping around Chuck.
Horror: He’s yanked into the dark, screaming.
Scares & Releases:
Scare: The lights flicker—then go out entirely.
Release: Chuck turns on a flashlight—brief relief.
Scare: The tendril yanks him down the stairs.

17. INT. COMMUNITY COMMON ROOM – DAY
Stacy realizes that Chuck is missing.

Apprehension: Residents complain about strange noises.
Surprise: Chuck isn’t answering his radio.

18. INT. CHUCK’S APARTMENT – DAY
The bathroom mirror is fogged over—but the heater is off.

19. INT. STAIRWELL – DAY
The group finds Chuck’s flashlight—and his shadow still cast on the wall.

Horror Situation:
Chuck’s presence lingers—even though he’s gone.

Surprise: Chuck’s shadow is still on the wall.
Shock: The building loses power.
Horror: The whispers grow deafening.

ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN

20. INT. COMMON AREA – NIGHT
The survivors huddle together, trying to stay calm. The shadows shift, and Rebecca is attacked.
Horror Situation:
Something inside the dark finally reaches for them.

Fear: The storm howls outside. Silence inside. Everyone is hyper-aware of every flicker and whisper.
Suspense: Rebecca yanks her feet up as something brushes past her ankle.
Shock: A tendril shoots out, wrapping around her leg.
Dread: Anthony and Patty grab her, pulling her back just in time.
Horror: Edmund stands frozen, hearing his name whispered from the dark. Without a word, he runs off alone.

21. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT
Edmund rifles through books, trying to understand what is happening. The whispers surround him.
Horror Situation:
The darkness doesn’t just kill—it tricks. It lures.

Fear: The whispers aren’t just in his head anymore—they echo from the bookshelves.
Suspense: His flashlight sputters—he smacks it, forcing it to glow brighter.
Dread: He turns a page and gasps—the ritual was never completed properly.
Horror: The room darkens—shadows coil like living things.
Shock: The door SLAMS open—Stacy and the others arrive.
Panic: A tendril lashes out, dragging Edmund into the dark—his mouth opens in a silent scream.

22. INT. COMMON AREA – NIGHT
Stacy tells the group that she needs to go after Edmund. Some insist they stick together, others want to stay put. A shadow flickers in the corner of the room. They decide to follow Stacy.

Horror Situation:
The fear of isolation is growing, but they don’t yet realize they’re already being hunted.

Fear: Some argue to stay put, afraid of the unknown lurking in the halls.
Suspense: A single flicker of movement in the corner of the room makes them all freeze.
Dread: They ultimately decide to follow Stacy—but the shadows seem to shift in response, as if aware of their choice.

23. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT
Edmund frantically flips through books, realizing the ritual was incomplete. As Stacy and the others rush in, shadows coil around him and consume him whole.

Horror Situation:
Edmund figures out too late that the darkness was never meant to be contained. It takes him in response.

Fear: Edmund freezes. A horrifying realization dawns—they were wrong.
Suspense: The door slams open—Stacy and the group burst in.
Dread: Tendrils lash out, snaring Edmund. He gasps, struggling.
Horror: The shadows engulf him completely. His mouth opens in a silent scream, but there is no sound.
Shock: His body is gone. The book slams shut on its own.

24. INT. ARCHIVES – NIGHT
Stacy uncovers the truth—each death feeds the shadows, strengthening them.

Fear: The room is silent—the air heavy and suffocating.
Suspense: A loose document falls—it’s the original ritual diagram.
Dread: The shadows were never contained—the ritual was a failure.

25. INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The group flees the archives, but Jack stops suddenly, his eyes glazed over.

Horror Situation:
Jack is trapped in a hallucination, manipulated by the shadows.

Fear: The hallway stretches unnaturally.
Suspense: A pale woman cradles her stomach, staring at Jack.
Dread: A ghostly baby cries, echoing inside his head.
Horror: The hallway transforms into a hospital corridor—an empty crib rocking in the center.
Panic: Stacy tries to grab him, but the fire doors slam shut.
Shock: Jack steps into the darkness—he vanishes completely.

26. INT. HALLWAY – HALLUCINATION
Jack stops in the hallway, his breath hitching. Reality distorts around him—the shadows flicker, stretching into something wrong.

Horror Situation:
The shadows are not just killing. They are warping perception, dragging their victims into personal hells.

Dread: The hallway twists, elongates, flickering between reality and a nightmare.
Suspense: A figure materializes ahead—a grief-stricken young woman cradling her stomach.
Fear: A ghostly baby’s cry echoes, growing louder.
Dread: The hallway shifts into a sterile hospital corridor—a lone empty crib rocks slowly in the center.
Horror: The crying intensifies, drilling into his mind. The woman whispers something only he can hear.

27. INT. HALLWAY – HALLUCINATION
Jack stops in the hallway, his breath hitching. Reality distorts around him—the shadows flicker, stretching into something wrong.

Horror Situation:
The shadows are not just killing. They are warping perception, dragging their victims into personal hells.

Dread: The hallway twists, elongates, flickering between reality and a nightmare.
Suspense: A figure materializes ahead—a grief-stricken young woman cradling her stomach.
Fear: A ghostly baby’s cry echoes, growing louder.
Dread: The hallway shifts into a sterile hospital corridor—a lone empty crib rocks slowly in the center.
Horror: The crying intensifies, drilling into his mind. The woman whispers something only he can hear.

28. INT. HALLWAY – HALLUCINATION
Jack sees a woman ahead of him, grief-stricken, cradling her stomach. The baby’s cry grows deafening.

Horror Situation:
Jack is tricked into stepping forward—and the shadows take him.

Dread: The woman steps closer, her hollow eyes locked onto him.
Suspense: The crib rocks harder. The baby’s cry becomes deafening.
Fear: Jack trembles, whispering “I’m sorry” as the woman parts her lips—but only he can hear her words.
Horror: The hospital hallway melts away—the shadows surge forward.
Dread: Jack takes one step forward—then he’s gone.

29. INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT (Horror Scene – Stacy’s Anguish)
Stacy slams her hands against the sealed fire doors, realizing Jack is gone.

Horror Situation:
She can’t even see what took him. She can only feel the loss.

Shock: Stacy slams her hands against the door, breath ragged.
Anguish: Red emergency lights flicker, illuminating nothing on the other side.
Panic: “Open it! We have to open it!” She fights Anthony and Eliza, trying to get back to Jack.
Horror: The whispers stop. The shadows don’t move. Silence settles in.
Dread: Anthony grips Stacy’s arm. Her breath catches.
Anguish: Jack is gone.

30. INT. STACY’S OFFICE – NIGHT
(After Edmund is Taken – Stacy Faces Reality & Her Grief)
Essence of the Scene: Stacy, overwhelmed, sits at her desk. Jack’s school notice, Edmund’s journal, and a maintenance report lay before her. She grips a bottle of whiskey, hesitating before taking a drink.
Dread: The radio crackles, distorting Edmund’s voice: “It’s happening again.”
Fear: The lights flicker violently—shadows move without shape.
Shock: Jack’s voice calls her name—but he’s not there.
Horror: She SLAMS the radio off, heart pounding. For the first time, she believes.

ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR

31. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The group reaches the basement, but the corridors warp, stretch too long.
Horror Situation:
The basement is a trap. Anthony is next.

Fear: The walls seem to breathe, shifting unnaturally.
Suspense: A tendril lashes out, wrapping around Anthony’s ankle.
Dread: He fights back, but more tendrils emerge.
Panic: Stacy tries to grab him, but Eliza pulls her back.
Horror: Anthony’s eyes widen as he’s yanked into the abyss.

32. INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The survivors move cautiously, weapons in hand. The shadows shift just outside the light.

Horror Situation:
The whispers take the voices of lost loved ones, tempting them into the dark.

Anguish: Patty freezes—she hears a voice she hasn’t heard in years.
Fear: The building is too quiet—shadows breathe outside the flashlight beams.
Dread: The whispers return, soft at first, then louder—familiar voices.
Hysteria: Stacy grabs Patty’s wrist, whispering, “Don’t listen” before dragging her forward.

33. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The generator room is ahead, but the corridors warp, doors vanish and reappear. The shadows lunge.

Horror Situation:
The basement is alive—and Anthony is its next victim.

Anguish: Rebecca screams as Anthony swings wildly at the tendrils.
Panic: More wrap around him, pulling him backward.
Horror: Anthony’s eyes lock with Stacy’s—he mouths something unheard before he’s ripped into the abyss.
Hysteria: The whispers rise into unbearable screams.

34. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Rebecca stumbles forward, trying to process Anthony’s fate. She turns—his shadow is still there, stretched unnaturally.

Horror Situation:
She freezes, and the darkness devours her whole.

Dread: A flicker of hope—maybe Anthony is still there?
Horror: But no. His form is grotesque and unnatural.
Panic: The shadows slither toward her, sensing weakness.
Anguish: Stacy yells for her to move, but Rebecca collapses, frozen.
Horror: The darkness devours her completely.

35. INT. LOUNGE AREA – NIGHT
Patty realizes her family is connected to the shadows.
Horror Situation:
She offers herself to the darkness, but it only makes them stronger.

Dread: She understands now—this was always going to happen.
Panic: Stacy shakes her head—“No.”
Anguish: Patty smiles sadly—“I have to.”
Horror: She steps forward—the shadows devour her instantly.

36. INT. SAFE ROOM – NIGHT
Essence of the Scene:
With most of the group dead, Stacy, Eliza, Rebecca, Patty, and Anthony barricade themselves in a dimly lit storage room. The storm rages outside, but inside, it’s the silence that’s suffocating. The journal lies open in Stacy’s lap, its pages faded and brittle—but within it, the only chance of survival.

Horror Situation:
The truth about the ritual is worse than they expected. The creatures cannot be destroyed—only sealed away. But every failed attempt strengthens them.

Dread: Stacy flips through the journal, her breath hitching as she finds passages scrawled in frantic handwriting.
Fear: The journal speaks of a failed ritual centuries ago, its warnings ignored. The creatures were never killed—they were merely trapped.
Suspense: Rebecca points to a section—a diagram of the ritual. Symbols etched in blood, surrounded by charred fingerprints.
Anguish: Patty chokes on a sob—“So we were never meant to win?”
Shock: Stacy reads the final line aloud:
“With every death, they grow stronger.”
A gust of wind SLAMS against the door. The shadows pulse against the barricade.

37. INT. SAFE ROOM – LATER
With time running out, the survivors piece together the ritual’s requirements—but it demands a sacrifice.

Dread: Stacy flips through Edmund’s journal. The truth sinks in—“We were never meant to survive this.”
Suspense: Eliza finds the ritual’s requirements—a circle, a sacrifice, an incantation that the last survivor must speak.
Fear: Patty whispers, “This is suicide.”
Shock: Stacy closes the book. “Then I’ll do it.”

Horror Situation:
They know. But survival comes at a cost. Who will make the sacrifice?

Dread: The ritual requires a circle of fire and blood—symbols must be drawn before the final passage is spoken.
Suspense: Eliza points to a specific passage: “The last of the living must stand alone in the end.”
Fear: Stacy realizes this ritual will not save them all. Someone has to be left behind.
Shock: Rebecca grips Stacy’s wrist. “It has to be you.”
Anguish: Stacy shakes her head. “No. We find another way.” But deep down, she knows the truth.

ACT 4 – FINAL ATTEMPT AT SURVIVAL

38. INT. GENERATOR ROOM – NIGHT
Stacy and Eliza restart the generator, but it’s a trap.

Horror Situation:
The shadows were waiting for the light to lure them in.

Dread: The shadows vanish—too easy.
Panic: Eliza steps forward cautiously.
Horror: A black tendril erupts, strangling her.
Shock: Stacy lunges, but Eliza is yanked into the abyss.

39. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Stacy has one last chance to run, but chooses to face the creatures.

Dread: The whispers surround her. They take Jack’s voice.
Suspense: “You can still leave,” they whisper. “Let someone else take your place.”
Fear: She tightens her grip on the journal, shaking but resolute.
Shock: “You can bring him back.”
Horror: She whispers the ritual incantation instead.

40. INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT
Stacy is the last one standing. She clutches the journal, knowing the ritual was never meant to end the creatures, only contain them. Her flashlight flickers out. The shadows close in. She begins reciting the passage, her voice trembling as tendrils wrap around her arms and legs.

Horror Situation:
There is no true victory. Only survival—if she can finish the ritual before the darkness consumes her.

Dread: Stacy realizes—this was never about stopping them. The ritual was only a delay, a warning ignored.
Panic: Her flashlight flickers. The shadows surge forward, filling the stairwell with writhing black tendrils.
Hysteria: The whispers return, no longer soft and seductive—they are deafening, enraged, familiar voices screaming her name.
Anguish: Stacy forces herself to keep reading, her hands shaking, the journal slipping from her grasp as inky tendrils snake up her arms.
Horror: She finishes the passage. The darkness explodes outward, engulfing her in a suffocating void. Her scream is swallowed whole.

41. INT. RESIDENTIAL BUILDING – DAY
The storm has cleared. Searchers find grotesque, twisted bodies.

Horror Situation:
The shadows are gone—but something remains in Stacy.

Horror: Searchers find symbols burned into the walls.
Dread: They find Stacy curled in a corner.
Shock: Her eyes flutter open—a shadow moves across her iris.

[Patricia Semler]

PAT’S HORROR OUTLINE VERSION 1
What I learned doing this assignment is to flesh out the terror with variation and that some bridging scenes were missing. I also found a lot more horror situation than I thought I had. We’ll see what happens when the characters begin exerting their personalities.
Title still needs to be brainstormed.
Concept – A pair of teachers and their Gen Z students accidentally free a vengeful witch from her prison and scramble to survive her wrath.

EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
Sometime after the Civil War, a wary group of God-fearing townsfolk hold a solemn vigil at two story sprawling house.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – DAY
While a witch woman lies dying in the root cellar, three Santeria priestesses are forced to perform a holding spell. Once done the women are promptly killed.
Horror situation – Tricked
Emotions: Dread – The women are betraying one of their own
Fear – Forced to perform
Betrayal – Betrayed in turn, the head priestess curses the men who used them.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
Present day. The same house surrounded by the foundations of high rise condos. A worker uncovers the mass grave, sworn to silence by Developer Ivan.
Horror situation – Find the clutch of bones
Emotions: Shock – superstitious, the worker is creeped out
Denial – Developer Ivan refuses to acknowledge the find
Fear – the Worker wants no part of this, leaves the site
EXT. VOCATIONAL HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Meet the core of the carpentry class – Mika, Arianna, Nat, Bryan, Johnny Ray and Rusty.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – CARPENTRY SHOP – DAY
Ivan offers the teacher Franklin a chance to get hands on experience by renovating the house since he’s restricted by its historic designation.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – CARPENTRY SHOP – DAY
History Teacher Dahlia brings in research. Gossip of hauntings get laughs from these Gen Z non-believers.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
The access is a dirt lane that crosses an old wooden bridge over a wide rocky brook.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – GROUND FLOOR ROOMS – DAY
Franklin leads a tour of the house. Its too quiet. The cell phone service chancy, no electricity or running water.
Horror Situation – Walking into a trap
Emotions: Anxiety – Gen Zers fret over poor cell service
Suspense – What could happen to them if they stay?
Release – A stray cat surprises them.
Denial – They don’t believe in ghosts.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – UPPER HALL – DAY
Whisperings follow them through the halls. The boys needle the girls. By the way, where are the bathrooms?
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – OUTHOUSE – DAY
Dahlia shows Arianna and Mika the outhouse. Nat uses it after the girls leave, locked in and threatened by a sludge monster.
Horror Situation – Trapped
Emotions: Surprise. Nat thinks his buddies are playing games.
Disquiet – Something’s moving in the toilet hole
Panic – No one answers his calls for help.
Release – Just seconds from being slimed the door opens. Johnny Ray laughs at him. There’s nothing in the outhouse.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – UPPER HALL – DAY
Franklin pulls down a trap door to the attic. They’re pummeled by escaping bats.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – KITCHEN – DAY
Dahlia finds out the house belonged to Esperanza as leader of a Cuban community after the Civil War.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DRAWING ROOM – DAY
The kids find an ornate mirror and try to invoke Bloody Mary.
Dahlia chases them out and is the only one to see the witch Esperanza in the mirror. Freaked out she covers the mirror.
Horror Situation – Out of the frying pan
Emotions: Suspense – As a goof they recite the mantra
Release – the boys startle the girls
Surprise – Dahlia sees the witch in the glass
Monster Reveal – The witch senses Dahlia’s presence.
Dread – Is this real? What can she do to contain the witch?
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – DAY
Rusty finds the witchy bundle in the wall. Ivan takes the thing, unties the ribbons which undoes the holding spell.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOT CELLAR – DAY
A ghost light ignites in the cellar, runs through the walls of the house like a spirit awakening.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION TRAILER – DAY
Ivan tosses the shoes in a trash fire.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOF – DAY
The boys deal with missing roof tiles. Johnny Ray almost goes over the side after his harness pick point fails.
Horror Situation – Sneak attack
Emotions – Suspense. Safety harnesses unhitch themselves
Panic – No matter what they try they can’t pull Johnny up.
Anguish – They run out of ideas for a rescue.
Release – Nat and Bryan go below to pull Johnny in a window.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
Dahlia gets a warning from her librarian friend about the house. Get out before the witch wakes.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION- BROOK – DAY
Driving out, the librarian crashes into a buttress that takes out the bridge on the only road in. She’s drowned.
Horror Situation – Face to face with the monster
Emotions – shock. The apparition simply appears in the way.
Panic – She tries to swerve, hits the bridge
Hysteria – The bridge collapses, she’s trapped and drowns.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – KITCHEN – DAY
Dahlia is the only one who can read cursive. So the kids head back to repairs and she digs through the books.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – DAY
Franklin admonishes Arianna to do more work and less Facetime live stream documentation. She’s overwhelmed by spiders.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DRAWING ROOM – DAY
Rusty works solo. A nail gun moves on its own, blinds him in a near miss. A whisper coaxes him to follow.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOT CELLAR – DAY
Rusty stumbles down stairs. The floor gives under him and he’s swallowed by quicksand.
Horror Situation – Wounded
Emotions – Anguish. Rusty freaks out, latches onto the witch’s voice
Fear – childhood memories surface as he crabs along a hall
Suspense – the witch waits in the root cellar.
Surprise – He’s trapped in quicksand and dies.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR
Work continues, but poltergeist activity increases. Johnny Ray and Bryan struggle with misbehaving tools.
Horror Situation – denial
Emotions: Anxiety – They chalk up troubles to approaching storm.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – BROOK – DAY
Franklin does a perimeter check. They’re surrounded by 10 foot fences, the gate locked. Ivan uninterested in helping.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – HALL – DAY
Where’s Rusty? A search misses the cellar door.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – NIGHT
Dahlia reports highlights about Esperanza. The kids aren’t buying the “typical” horror story themes.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – HALL – NIGHT
Ghastly noises, weakening flashlight batteries and ghostly touchings cause tensions to rise.
Horror Situation – Attacked or chased
Emotions – Anxiety – disbelief hampers the teens’ ability to come to grips with Esperanza’s hauntings
Panic – Their world is upended as reality falls apart.
Hysteria – We don’t know what to do.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOF – NIGHT
Franklin dies in a fall off the roof when his harness undoes itself before his eyes.
Horror situation – isolated
Emotions: Fear. He’s afraid of the storm and without backup.
Suspense – His harness twitches under unseen hands.
Apprehension – Franklin feels the weakness, loses his balance.
Terror – He clings to the eave right over the debris pile.
Shock – Esperanza appears, stomps on his hand holds.
INT/EXT. BUS – NIGHT
The kids pile in, but the bus won’t start. They run to the construction trailer, demand that Ivan unlock the gate.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT
Ivan dies trying to jumpstart one of his construction vehicles, strangled with the cords.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION TRAILER – NIGHT
The machine chases the kids back to the house.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DRAWING ROOM – NIGHT
Jock Bryan picks the wrong time to hit on Arianna which riles Esperanza with righteous fury.
INT. SECOND FLOOR – BEDROOM – DAY
Nat and Mika find the decapitated Bryan. They locate Johnny Ray and plot an escape.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DRAWING ROOM – NIGHT
Arianna has totally flipped out. Esperanza consoles, coaxes her to the mirror and pulls her in.
Horror Situation – Entrapment
Emotions: Hysteria. Arianna is lost without her internet.
Suspense – Esperanza appears to be sympathetic.
Shock – Arianna is beyond thinking, lets the witch take her.
Denial – Too late Arianna resists. Esperanza absorbs her whole, gaining more substance.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Dahlia frantically combs through the books to find anything that will contain the witch.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – HALLS – NIGHT
The witch captures the remaining teens, prepares to siphon their life energy.
Horror situation – being chased or attacked
Emotions – Dread – Nothing they’re tried has made them safer.
Anguish – Nat is injured
Surprise – Mika takes the lead but Johnny Ray balks and the witch traps them one by one
Horror – Esperanza relishes their terror
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOT CELLAR – NIGHT
Dahlia bluffs a fresh binding spell, using baby shoes that belong to Mika from her sister, sacrificing herself.
Horror situation – Dilemma
Emotions: Dread – Dahlia is desperate to avoid facing the witch, but that would mean sacrificing the teens
Anguish – She’s not sure she can accomplish the holding spell
Anxiety – Esperanza taunts Dahlia to distract her
Suspense – Can she finish the spell and free the teens?
Determination – Not a horror emotion, but Dahlia resolves to give herself to allow the teens to escape
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – NIGHT
On their way out Johnny Ray sets up a slow burn arson.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – BROOK – DAY
Mika, Nat and Johnny Ray run to the brook. Johnny Ray dies trying to cross the brook.
Horror Situation – See another killed
Emotions: Apprehension. The trio flee the house to the brook.
Anxiety – Crossing the water on the broken beams is a balancing act.
Horror – Johnny Ray crows a final “Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live”, and a final burst of Esperanza’s hatred shoves him off a beam to drown.
Shock – Nat and Mika cower when the house ignites.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
Police cars and fire engines crowd the brook as people rush to build a temporary bridge.
The house is burning cinders.
Nat and Mika herded into an ambulance. Neither one ready to talk.
Who would believe their story?

[Patricia Semler]

How many years have I taken classes here and I still can’t get the hang of these forums. Ready for feedback exchange at patriciasemler@gmail.com

[Barry Barry Durbin Durbin]

Would anyone like to exchange feedback? email me at barryrdurbin@yahoo.com

Title: Terror on Calvary Mountain

Concept:
When college friends set search for an abandoned Calvary encampment and mistakenly disturb an Indian burial ground, they are trapped and terrorized by a giant, malevolent creature from the spirit world.

ACT 1

EXT. CALVARY ENCAMPMENT. DUSK
Three U.S. Calvary soldiers are running for their lives through the woods. Their faces are gripped with terror. Suddenly, with a flash, one soldier disappears, then a second soldiers disappears. The last soldier makes it back to the encampment and tries to enter the watchtower. The gate is locked. He screams at someone to let him in. He just begins to scream, and we see blood splash on the side of the gate. We hear him gurgling and the creature lets out an ear-piercing scream.

Horror Situation: Calvary soldiers are being chased by something large. It catches them and kills them one at a time.

Note: Opening Scene

Horror Map:
Creepy Moment: Foggy, dark forest.
Apprehension: Soldiers are looking for something. Their rifles are ready.
Surprise: Loud cracking noise nearby startles them.
Terror: They see the creature, but we can’t.
Panic: They start shooting their rifles and it doesn’t stop the creature. The panic and run.
Terror: One soldier is killed
Release: Second soldier falls to the ground. He tripped on a stump but it is ok.
Terror: As soon as the fallen soldier starts running again, he is killed.
Panic: The last soldier makes it to the gate, but can’t open it.
Dread: The creature reaches him. He has his back to the creature and slowly turns
Terror:
He gets killed
Creepy Moment: Blood splashes on the fence along with claw marks from the creature.

EXT. HOUSE DRIVEWAY. DAY
Introduce characters. They are loading the vehicle for a trip.

Alex, the leader, is loading backpacks into the vehicle. They discuss going on the trip. He tells Meghann, the Moral One, about he and his dad spending time hiking in the woods and mentions rumors of big, hairy monsters being seen in the woods.

Beth, the Rule Breaker, arrives carrying her backpack. She starts to put her backpack in the vehicle when Chad, the Obnoxious One, jumps out from under a blanket and scares her. She screams and punches him.

Bennie, the Complainer, is the last one to arrive. The others are already aggravated with him for making them wait. He makes excuses and blames his lateness on someone else.

EXT. NASHOBA’S HOUSE. DAY
Nashoba, the introvert, is outside helping his elderly Grandmother move items in her yard as the others pull up in the vehicle.

Nashoba’s elderly Native American Grandmother warns them they are going near sacred ground and about the Shampe, the Hairy Man. Shampe is the Choctaw word for Bigfoot. She cautions them not to go.
The Grandmother gives Nashoba a necklace with spiritual meaning and urges him to keep the item with him for protection

INT. VEHICLE. DAY
Alex assures everyone that he is an expert woodsman, and they have nothing to worry about. Chad adds that the old lady is crazy. Nashoba warns him not to anger the spirits. Chad scoffs at him. Meghann agrees with Alex and angrily tells Chad the woman and Nashoba aren’t crazy. She tells him to be quiet. He rolls his eyes.
Bennie tries to convince himself that there is nothing to worry about. He complains that he didn’t want to go on this trip in the first place. He farts and gags the others. He tells them he ate cheese enchiladas and forgot to take his lactose pills.

EXT. WOODS. DAY
They get lost. They lose their sense of direction. Chad and Beth tease Alex for getting lost since he’s supposed to be a big woodsman.

Chad argues with Alex about the correct direction to proceed. Meghann jumps in to play peacemaker.

EXT. WOODS. LATER
There is movement in the trees. Meghann sees a figure, but then it is gone. No one else sees it.

EXT. WOODS. MOMENTS LATER
A clump of gray animal hair clings to a branch 7 feet off the ground.

EXT. INDIAN BURIAL GROUND. DUSK
They smell something with such a horrible stench, they blame Bennie.
They discover an Indian Burial marker. Chad throws it into the woods.

EXT.NASHOBA’S GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE.DUSK
The Grandmother looks up to the sky. She says something in Choctaw. Then in English, “The spirits are angry.”

EXT. WOODS. SIMULTANEOUSLY
The creature appears through an inter-dimensional portal. From the Creature’s POV, it can see them.

EXT.WOODS-SWINGING BRIDGE.DAY
They cross a rickety, swinging bridge over a steep ravine. They argue about crossing because it looks dangerous. They begin crossing the bridge that has missing boards. As the first-person crosses, a board breaks, and they almost fall. As the last two cross, we see the bridge about to give way and collapse. Just as they are almost to the end, the bridge collapses. They grab part of the bridge and hold on. They are dangling over the ravine’s edge with a high ledge. The others scramble to pull them to safety. They are now isolated.

EXT. ABANDONED CALVARY ENCAMPMENT. DAY
They see a tall fence constructed of tree trunks. It’s grown over and abandoned. They begin to move closer. Suddenly, they hear loud snapping of tree branches. They freeze and listen. They hear more branches cracking and getting closer. They rush to the fence and look for an opening. They find a gate and tear away the overgrowth. As the gate is cleared, they see signs of the previous horror, blood splatter, deep claw marks, etc. The creature lets out a loud scream. They frantically try to open the gate. They can’t get it open. The sound is getting closer. They finally can pull the gate open enough to get inside.

Horror Situation: Something is after them. They see signs of previous terror as they find a way into the encampment.

Note: First Turning Point

Horror Map:
Apprehension: They are nervous about going inside the spooky environment.
Creepy Moment: The encampment fence is overgrown, dark, and spooky.
Fear: They hear branches breaking nearby.
Panic: They desperately try to get inside.
Fear: They uncover a portion of the fence with blood splatter and claw marks. They hear the creature scream (howl).

INT. ENCAMPMENT. DAY
They push the gate shut and find a pole to help barricade the gate.

EXT. ENCAMPMENT. SIMULTANEOUSLY
From the creatures POV. It’s looking at the gate.

ACT 2
INT. ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Trapped inside the encampment with the creature outside. They look for a way inside one of the buildings behind the fence. Only two buildings and a watchtower near the main gate are still standing. Other buildings have collapsed. They find a way in one of the buildings and look for a way to secure the door.

Bennie starts to break down in fear. They argue again about what to do next.

Meghann peaks outside through a window and thinks she sees the creature. No one else can see anything. The others are in denial and don’t believe her.

EXT. WOODS. NIGHT
We see the legs of the creature walking through an inter-dimensional portal and along the fence line.

INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
They hear the creature outside pounding against the fence and snorting. They hide inside and talk quietly.

INT. ENCAMPMENT.LATER
Beth ventures by herself into a different room using her cell phone for light. Her battery dies and she’s in the dark. She falls through the floor.

INT. HIDDEN ROOM. NIGHT
Beth lies on the floor as the others run to her rescue. She finds a lantern. Bennie throws her a lighter. The others look at him confused and he pulls out his weed. She finds old TNT and flares. They make a human ladder and pull her out.

INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Chad to leave, others want to move to the watchtower. Beth agrees to go with him.

EXT.WOODS. NIGHT (MIDPOINT)
Chad and Beth exit the encampment building. They walk cautiously, scanning the surrounds. Chad opens the gate and they exit. They leave the gate ajar.

The monster stalks them. they can’t tell which direction the monster is coming from. He eventually walks backwards cautiously searching for the monster and back into it. He screams and blood splashes on Beth’s face. She panics and runs back to the encampment. She leaves the gate ajar.

Horror Situation: Chad and Beth leave the encampment to seek safety on their own. Chad gets killed.
Horror Map:
Apprehension: They scan the area looking for the creature.
Fear: They leave the gate ajar.
Creepy Moment: The creature is watching them.
Fear: They hear the creature growling and snapping branches.
Anxiety: They can’t tell which direction the sound is coming from.
Suspense: The noise stops, but they still don’t see anything.
Horror: Alex is backing up as he scans. He runs into the creature and is killed.
Panic: Beth face is splattered with blood. She screams and starts running.
Fear: She hears the creature behind her. She enters the compound, but leaves the gate ajar. The creature disappears through the portal.

INT. ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Those remaining react to the sight of Beth’s bloody appearance and Chad’s death.

EXT. ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
The creature enters the encampment through the open gate.

INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT (2nd TP)
Horror Situation: Creature pulls Bennie out of the window and kills him.

Horror Map: 2nd TP Scene
Apprehension: They smell the bad smell again. What is it?
Creepy Moment: The creature is lurking outside
Fear: Bennie sits near the window.
Creepy Moment: There is a crack in the window.
Suspense: Everyone is talking and are unaware that the creature is nearby.
Fear: Bennie sits by the window
Creepy Moment: The creature is getting closer to the window. We see the crack.
Suspense: Bennie sits quietly. The others talk.
Shock: The creature's arm crashes through the window.
Terror: Bennie is pulled through the window.
Panic: The other scream and scramble to hide.
Fear: They hear Bennie screaming outside.
Creepy Moment: We see Bennies dead, bloody body.

They smell the same stench from earlier. They still wonder what the smell is. The others tease Bennie again. Bennie is angry and moves away from the others and sits near a window. The creature smashes through the window and pulls him out. They hear him screaming and gurgling before going silent. Monster Reveal: We see the full creature. They light a flare pointing it at the creature and it retreats through the portal.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Nashoba is calm, withdraws, and looks at his spiritual item. Beth is trembling and in shock. Alex goes into action to barricade the opening.
Meghann screams. She eventually regains control of herself and impatiently urges Beth to calm down and help.

INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Alex decides on a new plan to move to the watchtower.

EXT. ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
They begin moving to the watchtower using flares as protection. Alex protects the others and is the last to go. His flare is extinguished. He tries to light another one, but fails. There is suspense as he tries to light another flare. He begins to panic and runs towards the watchtower. The creature grabs his legs and pulls him away. He screams and the others are watching him being brutally killed.

Horror Situation: The characters are attempting to move to a safer location. Alex is the last to go. His flare burns out and his is killed.
Apprehension: Alex climbs through the broken window and is outside. Beth doesn’t want to go.
Creepy Moment: They see Bennies dead body.
Panic: Nashoba can’t open the Watchtower door.
Monster Reveal: The creature appears again through the portal.
Fear: Alex’s flare goes out.
Panic: He can’t light another one.
Fear: The creature is getting closer.
Horror: Alex is pulled away by his legs and killed.
Hysteria: The girls become hysterical, not able to control their emotions.
Creepy Moment: Alex is still breathing. Blood squirts out of his mouth. He dies.

INT. WATCHTOWER. NIGHT
They react to the horror. Meghann comes up with a new plan to lure the creature to the explosives.

EXT. WATCHTOWER. NIGHT
The monster circles the watchtower, pounding on the walls. Then stops.

INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
She rallies everyone to put her plan into place. The light flares and leave.

EXT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
The monster is going after Meghann. Nashoba tries to distract the monster away from Meghann. The monster swipes its claw at her ripping her skin as blood flies. It slams Meghann across the room. She’s hurt and not moving. The monster slowly starts towards her, when Nashoba screams at it as he moves toward the trap. The monster leaps at him and they both fall into the trap. The building explodes.

Beth is traumatized, but alive. Beth is holding a flare. She begins to scream obscenities toward the monster. The monster emerges from the fire and kills Beth. The creature looks toward Meghann, she appears to be dead. It leaves. As soon as it’s gone, Meghann moves. She’s alive. We see police helicopters flying overhead.

Horror Situation: They lead the creature to the TNT. Nashoba throw a flare onto the TNT and blows the building up, killing them. Monster emerges to kill Beth. Meghann survives.
Note: Climax
Horror Map:
Apprehension: They leave the safety of the watchtower not knowing where the monster is located.
Monster Reveal: The creature enters through the portal. The full creature is visible.
Fear: The creature is coming after them.
Panic: Beth abandons her role in the plan, she runs and hides
Suspense: Meghann and Nashoba each hold flares, it keeps the creature at bay for now
Terror: Meghann tries to lure the creature to the TNT, it knocks her into the building causing a partial collapse on top of her. She’s injured and appears to be dead.
Fear: The creature turns to Nashoba.
Suspense: Nashoba uses the flare to keep the creature back while he positions himself near the TNT.
Terror: The creature lunges at Nashoba and they both fall through the floor on top of the TNT. The burning flare ignites the TNT and the building explodes killing them.
Shock: Beth taunts the creature. It emerges from the fire and kills her. The creature leaves. Meghann moves and is alive.

EXT.MONSTER’S WORLD.NIGHT
The creature steps through the portal into a world with many more of his species.

• This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by  Barry Barry Durbin Durbin.

[Barry Barry Durbin Durbin]

Barry's Horror Outline Version Two

What I learned is the inter-dimensional part of my story didn't work. I changed the that aspect of the creature to manifest from shadows. I also changed the ending to accommodate the change from using a portal.

Title: Terror on Calvary Mountain

Concept:
When college friends set search for an abandoned Calvary encampment and mistakenly disturb an Indian burial ground, they are trapped and terrorized by a giant, malevolent creature from the spirit world.

ACT 1
1 EXT. CALVARY ENCAMPMENT. DUSK
Three U.S. Calvary soldiers are running for their lives through the woods. Their faces are gripped with terror. Suddenly, with a flash, one soldier disappears, then a second soldiers disappears. The last soldier makes it back to the encampment and tries to enter the watchtower. The gate is locked. He screams at someone to let him in. He just begins to scream, and we see blood splash on the side of the gate. We hear him gurgling and the creature lets out an ear-piercing scream.

Horror Situation: Calvary soldiers are being chased by something large. It catches them and kills them one at a time.

Note: Opening Scene

Horror Map:
Creepy Moment: Foggy, dark forest.
Apprehension: Soldiers are looking for something. Their rifles are ready.
Surprise: Loud cracking noise nearby startles them.
Terror: They see the creature, but we can’t.
Panic: They start shooting their rifles and it doesn’t stop the creature. The panic and run.
Terror: One soldier is killed
Release: Second soldier falls to the ground. He tripped on a stump but it is ok.
Terror: As soon as the fallen soldier starts running again, he is killed.
Panic: The last soldier makes it to the gate, but can’t open it.
Dread: The creature reaches him. He has his back to the creature and slowly turns
Terror: He gets killed
Creepy Moment: Blood splashes on the fence along with claw marks from the creature.

2 EXT. HOUSE DRIVEWAY. DAY
Introducing characters. They are loading the vehicle for a trip.

Alex, the leader, is loading backpacks into the vehicle. They discuss going on the trip. He tells Meghann, the Moral One, about he and his dad spending time hiking in the woods and mentions rumors of big, hairy monsters being seen in the woods.

Beth, the Rule Breaker, arrives carrying her backpack. She starts to put her backpack in the vehicle when Chad, the Obnoxious One, jumps out from under a blanket and scares her. She screams and punches him.

Bennie, the Complainer, is the last one to arrive. The others are already aggravated with him for making them wait. He makes excuses and blames his lateness on someone else.

3 EXT. NASHOBA’S HOUSE. DAY
Nashoba, the introvert, is outside helping his elderly Grandmother move items in her yard as the others pull up in the vehicle.
Nashoba’s elderly Native American Grandmother warns them they are going near sacred ground and about the Shampe, the
Hairy Man. Shampe is the Choctaw word for Bigfoot. She cautions them not to go.
The Grandmother gives Nashoba a necklace with spiritual meaning and urges him to keep the item with him for protection

4 INT. VEHICLE. DAY
Alex assures everyone that he is an expert woodsman, and they have nothing to worry about. Chad adds that the old lady is crazy. Nashoba warns him not to anger the spirits. Chad scoffs at him. Meghann agrees with Alex and angrily tells Chad the woman and Nashoba aren’t crazy. She tells him to be quiet. He rolls his eyes.
Bennie tries to convince himself that there is nothing to worry about. He complains that he didn’t want to go on this trip in the first place. He farts and gags the others. He tells them he ate cheese enchiladas and forgot to take his lactose pills.

5 EXT. WOODS. DAY
They get lost. They lose their sense of direction. Chad and Beth tease Alex for getting lost since he’s supposed to be a big woodsman.
Chad argues with Alex about the correct direction to proceed. Meghann jumps in to play peacemaker.

6 EXT. WOODS. LATER
There is movement in the trees. Meghann sees a figure, but then it is gone. No one else sees it.

7 EXT. WOODS. MOMENTS LATER
A clump of gray animal hair clings to a branch 7 feet off the ground.

8 EXT. INDIAN BURIAL GROUND. DUSK
They smell something with such a horrible stench, they blame Bennie.
They discover an Indian Burial marker. Chad throws it into the woods.

9 EXT.NASHOBA’S GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE.DUSK
The Grandmother looks up to the sky. She says something in Choctaw. Then in English, “The spirits are angry.”

10 EXT. WOODS. SIMULTANEOUSLY
From the Creature’s POV, it can see them.

11 EXT.WOODS-SWINGING BRIDGE.DAY
They cross a rickety, swinging bridge over a steep ravine. They argue about crossing because it looks dangerous. They begin crossing the bridge that has missing boards. As the first-person crosses, a board breaks, and they almost fall. As the last two cross, we see the bridge about to give way and collapse. Just as they are almost to the end, the bridge collapses. They grab part of the bridge and hold on. They are dangling over the ravine’s edge with a high ledge. The others scramble to pull them to safety. They are now isolated.

12 EXT. ABANDONED CALVARY ENCAMPMENT. DAY
They see a tall fence constructed of tree trunks. It’s grown over and abandoned. They begin to move closer. Suddenly, they hear loud snapping of tree branches. They freeze and listen. They hear more branches cracking and getting closer. They rush to the fence and look for an opening. They find a gate and tear away the overgrowth. As the gate is cleared, they see signs of the previous horror, blood splatter, deep claw marks, etc. The creature lets out a loud scream. They frantically try to open the gate. They can’t get it open. The sound is getting closer. They finally can pull the gate open enough to get inside.

Horror Situation: Something is after them. They see signs of previous terror as they find a way into the encampment.

Note: First Turning Point

Horror Map:
Apprehension: They are nervous about going inside the spooky environment.
Creepy Moment: The encampment fence is overgrown, dark, and spooky.
Fear: They hear branches breaking nearby.
Panic: They desperately try to get inside.
Fear: They uncover a portion of the fence with blood splatter and claw marks. They hear the creature scream (howl).

13 INT. ENCAMPMENT. DAY
They push the gate shut and find a pole to help barricade the gate.

14 EXT. ENCAMPMENT. SIMULTANEOUSLY
From the creatures POV. It’s looking at the gate.

ACT 2
15 INT. ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Trapped inside the encampment with the creature outside. They look for a way inside one of the buildings behind the fence. Only two buildings and a watchtower near the main gate are still standing. Other buildings have collapsed. They find a way in one of the buildings and look for a way to secure the door.

Bennie starts to break down in fear. They argue again about what to do next.

Meghann peaks outside through a window and thinks she sees the creature. They look again and all they see is shadows. The others are in denial and don’t believe her.

16 EXT. WOODS. NIGHT
We see the legs of the creature walking along the fence line.

17 INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
They hear the creature outside pounding against the fence and snorting. They hide inside and talk quietly.

18 INT. ENCAMPMENT.LATER
Beth ventures by herself into a different room using her cell phone for light. Her battery dies and she’s in the dark. She falls through the floor.

19 INT. HIDDEN ROOM. NIGHT
Beth lies on the floor as the others run to her rescue. She finds a lantern. Bennie throws her a lighter. The others look at him confused and he pulls out his weed. She finds old TNT and flares. They make a human ladder and pull her out.

20 INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Chad to leave, others want to move to the watchtower. Beth agrees to go with him.

21 EXT.WOODS. NIGHT (MIDPOINT)
Chad and Beth exit the encampment building. They walk cautiously, scanning the surrounds. Chad opens the gate and they exit. They leave the gate ajar.
The monster stalks them. they can’t tell which direction the monster is coming from. He eventually walks backwards cautiously searching for the monster and back into it. He screams and blood splashes on Beth’s face. She panics and runs back to the encampment. She leaves the gate ajar.

Horror Situation: Chad and Beth leave the encampment to seek safety on their own. Chad gets killed.

Horror Map:
Apprehension: They scan the area looking for the creature.
Fear: They leave the gate ajar.
Creepy Moment: The creature is watching them.
Fear: They hear the creature growling and snapping branches.
Anxiety: They can’t tell which direction the sound is coming from.
Suspense: The noise stops, but they still don’t see anything.
Horror: Alex is backing up as he scans. He runs into the creature and is killed.
Panic: Beth face is splattered with blood. She screams and starts running.
Fear: She hears the creature behind her. She enters the compound, but leaves the gate ajar. The creature disappears through the portal.

22 INT. ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Those remaining react to the sight of Beth’s bloody appearance and Chad’s death.

23 EXT. ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
The creature enters the encampment through the open gate.

24 INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT (2nd TP)
They smell the same stench from earlier. They still wonder what the smell is. The others tease Bennie again. Bennie is angry and moves away from the others and sits near a window. The creature smashes through the window and pulls him out. They hear him screaming and gurgling before going silent. Monster Reveal: We see the full creature. They light a flare pointing it at the creature and it retreats.

Horror Situation: Creature pulls Bennie out of the window and kills him.

Horror Map: 2nd TP Scene
Apprehension: They smell the bad smell again. What is it?
Creepy Moment: The creature is lurking outside
Fear: Bennie sits near the window.
Creepy Moment: There is a crack in the window.
Suspense: Everyone is talking and are unaware that the creature is nearby.
Fear: Bennie sits by the window
Creepy Moment: The creature is getting closer to the window. We see the crack.
Suspense: Bennie sits quietly. The others talk.
Shock: The creature's arm crashes through the window.
Terror: Bennie is pulled through the window.
Panic: The other scream and scramble to hide.
Fear: They hear Bennie screaming outside.
Creepy Moment: We see Bennies dead, bloody body.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

25 INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Nashoba is calm, withdraws, and looks at his spiritual item. Beth is trembling and in shock. Alex goes into action to barricade the opening.

Meghann screams. She eventually regains control of herself and impatiently urges Beth to calm down and help.

26 INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Alex decides on a new plan to move to the watchtower.

EXT. GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE. NIGHT
She is performing a spiritual ritual and speaks in Choctaw asking the spirits to protect the group of friends.

27 EXT. ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
They begin moving to the watchtower using flares as protection. Alex protects the others and is the last to go. His flare is extinguished. He tries to light another one but fails. There is suspense as he tries to light another flare. He begins to panic and runs towards the watchtower. The creature grabs his legs and pulls him away. He screams and the others are watching him being brutally killed.

Horror Situation: The characters are attempting to move to a safer location. Alex is the last to go. His flare burns out and his is killed.

Apprehension: Alex climbs through the broken window and is outside. Beth doesn’t want to go.
Creepy Moment: They see Bennies dead body.
Panic: Nashoba can’t open the Watchtower door.
Monster Reveal: The creature appears again through the portal.
Fear: Alex’s flare goes out.
Panic: He can’t light another one.
Fear: The creature is getting closer.
Horror: Alex is pulled away by his legs and killed.
Hysteria: The girls become hysterical, not able to control their emotions.
Creepy Moment: Alex is still breathing. Blood squirts out of his mouth. He dies.

28 INT. WATCHTOWER. NIGHT
They react to the horror. Meghann comes up with a new plan to lure the creature to the explosives.

29 EXT. WATCHTOWER. NIGHT
The monster circles the watchtower, pounding on the walls. Then stops. It moves away from the building and turns into a shadow and disappears.

30 INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
They think the creature is gone. Meghann rallies everyone to put her plan into place. They climb down into the lower level of the watchtower. They hesitate, look anxiously at each other, light flares and leave.

31 EXT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
The monster is going after Meghann. Nashoba tries to distract the monster away from Meghann. The monster swipes its claw at her ripping her skin as blood flies. It slams Meghann across the room. She’s hurt and not moving. The monster slowly starts towards her, when Nashoba screams at it as he moves toward the trap. The monster leaps at him and they both fall into the trap. The building explodes.

Beth is traumatized, but alive. Beth is holding a flare. She begins to scream obscenities toward the monster. The monster emerges from the fire and kills Beth. The creature looks toward Meghann, she appears to be dead. It leaves. As soon as it’s gone, Meghann moves. She’s alive.

Horror Situation: They lead the creature to the TNT. Nashoba throw a flare onto the TNT and blows the building up, killing them. Monster emerges to kill Beth. Meghann survives.

Note: Climax

Horror Map:
Apprehension: They leave the safety of the watchtower not knowing where the monster is located.
Monster Reveal: The creature appears through a shadow. The full creature is visible.
Fear: The creature is coming after them.
Panic: Beth abandons her role in the plan, she runs and hides
Suspense: Meghann and Nashoba each hold flares, it keeps the creature at bay for now
Terror: Meghann tries to lure the creature to the TNT; it knocks her into the building causing a partial collapse on top of her. She’s injured and appears to be dead.
Fear: The creature turns to Nashoba.
Suspense: Nashoba uses the flare to keep the creature back while he positions himself near the TNT.
Terror: The creature leaps at Nashoba and they both fall through the floor on top of the TNT. The burning flare ignites the TNT, and the building explodes killing them.
Shock: Beth leaves her hiding spot and taunts the creature. It emerges from the fire, it’s not dead, and kills her. The creature looks in the direction of Meghann, walks into a shadow, and disappears. Once the creature is gone, Meghann moves and is alive.

32 INT.AMBULANCE.LATER
Paramedics load Meghann into an ambulance on a stretcher. She has bandages on her head and is wearing an oxygen mask. We hear the police scanner saying they’ve found another body. The paramedics shut the ambulance door. Meghann turns her head toward the window. In the edge of the woods, shadows start to move and dozens of the creatures are watching her. She starts to scream and shake her head violently. They paramedics hold her down and give her a shot to calm her down. The paramedics don’t see the other creatures.

• This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by  Barry Barry Durbin Durbin.

[Patricia Semler]

Ready to exchange thoughts on Version 2 of my outline patriciasemler@gmail.com

Title: Disturb Not
WRITTEN BY PAT SEMLER
Logline: A pair of teachers and their Gen Z students accidentally free a vengeful witch from her prison and scramble to survive her wrath.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
Sometime after the Civil War, a nervous group of God-fearing townsfolk hold a solemn vigil at sprawling three story house.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – DAY
While a witch woman lies dying in the root cellar, three Santeria priestesses are forced to perform a holding spell, symbolically tying a pair of baby shoes. Once done the women are promptly killed by a rabid pastor.
Horror situation – Tricked
Emotions: Dread – The women are betraying one of their own
Suspense – the dying witch promises disaster if she gets free
Fear – Forced to perform
Betrayal – Betrayed in turn, the head priestess curses the men who used them.
Shock – The pastor dies running from the house, prompting it to be shunned.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
Present day. The same house surrounded by the foundations of high rise condos. A worker uncovers the mass grave, sworn to silence by Developer Ivan.
Horror situation – Find the clutch of bones
Emotions: Shock – superstitious, the worker is creeped out
Denial — Ivan refuses to acknowledge the find
Fear – the Worker wants no part of this, convinces the entire crew to vacate the site
INT. CONSTRUCTION TRAILER – DAY
Furious over the mass quitting, Ivan faces new trouble. The house has an historic designation so he can’t bulldoze it.
EXT. VOCATIONAL HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Meet the core of the carpentry class – Mika, Arianna, Nat, Bryan, Johnny Ray and Rusty, jockeying for plum assignments.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – CARPENTRY SHOP – DAY
Ivan offers teacher Franklin hands on experience by renovating the house into something useable.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – LIBRARY – DAY
History teacher Dahlia and a Librarian cull articles about the house and the history of Santeria practices there.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – CARPENTRY SHOP – DAY
Dahlia presents the house’s history. It belonged to Esperanza as leader of a Cuban community after the Civil War. She was spurned as a witch.
Rumored hauntings get laughs from these Gen Z non-believers.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
The access is a dirt lane that crosses an old wooden bridge over a wide rocky brook.
The foundations for the condos horseshoe the house with 12 foot chain link fences closing off access from shore to shore of the rambling brook.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – FOYER – DAY
Dahlia and Arianna lay out blueprints Arianna has drawn up for turning the ground floor into a reception area and offices.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – GROUND FLOOR ROOMS – DAY
Franklin leads a tour of the house. Its too quiet. The cell phone service chancy, some electricity, no running water.
Horror Situation – Walking into a trap
Emotions: Anxiety – Gen Zers fret over poor cell service
Suspense – What could happen to them if they stay?
Surprise – A stray cat zooms past them.
Denial – They don’t believe in ghosts.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – UPPER HALL – DAY
Whisperings follow them through the halls. The boys needle the girls. By the way, where are the bathrooms?
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – OUTHOUSE – DAY
Dahlia shows Arianna and Mika the outhouse. Nat uses it after the girls leave. He’s locked in and threatened by a sludge monster.
Horror Situation – Trapped
Emotions: Surprise. Nat thinks his buddies are playing games.
Disquiet – Something’s moving in the toilet hole
Panic – No one answers his calls for help.
Release – Just seconds from being slimed the door opens. Johnny Ray laughs at him. There’s nothing in the outhouse.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – UPPER HALL – DAY
Franklin pulls down a trap door to the attic. They’re pummeled by escaping bats.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – FOYER – DAY
Franklin divides up the work. Johnny Ray messes with Mika’s keepsake baby booties. Dahlia takes possession.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DRAWING ROOM – DAY
The kids find an ornate mirror and try to invoke Bloody Mary.
Dahlia chases them out and is the only one to see the witch Esperanza in the mirror. Freaked out she covers the mirror.
Horror Situation – Out of the frying pan
Emotions: Suspense – As a goof they recite the mantra
Release – the boys startle the girls
Surprise – Dahlia sees the witch in the glass
Monster Reveal – The witch senses Dahlia’s presence.
Dread – Is this real? What can she do to contain the witch?
Surprise – Dahlia has a connection to Santeria.
Denial – She won’t get involved.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – DAY
Rusty finds wrapped baby shoes in the wall. Ivan takes the thing, unties the ribbons which undoes the holding spell.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOT CELLAR – DAY
A ghost light ignites in the cellar, runs through the walls of the house like a spirit awakening.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – LIBRARY – DAY
The Librarian reacts to a psychic warning, unlocks diaries, tries to call Dahlia but the call won’t go through.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION TRAILER – DAY
Ivan tosses the shoes in a trash fire. A storm threatens.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOF – DAY
Franklin has the boys tackle missing roof tiles. Johnny Ray almost goes over the side after his harness pick point fails.
Horror Situation – Sneak attack
Emotions – Suspense. Safety harnesses unhitch themselves
Panic – No matter what they try they can’t pull Johnny up.
Anguish – They run out of ideas for a rescue.
Release – Nat and Franklin go below to pull Johnny in a window.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
Dahlia gets a warning from her librarian friend. Read these books, use what’s inside to keep everyone safe.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION- BROOK – DAY
Driving out, the librarian crashes into a buttress that takes out the bridge on the only road in. She’s drowned.
Horror Situation – Face to face with the monster
Emotions – shock. The apparition simply appears in the way.
Panic – She tries to swerve, hits the bridge
Hysteria – The bridge collapses, she’s trapped and drowns.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – KITCHEN – DAY
Dahlia is the only one who can read cursive. So the kids head back to repairs and she digs through the books.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – DAY
Franklin admonishes Arianna to do more work and less cell phone documentation. She’s bummed that she can’t live stream, is overwhelmed by spiders. Bryan rescues.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DRAWING ROOM – DAY
Rusty works solo. A nail gun moves on its own, blinds him in a near miss. A whisper coaxes him to follow.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOT CELLAR – DAY
Rusty stumbles down stairs. The floor gives under him and he’s swallowed by quicksand.
Horror Situation – Wounded
Emotions – Anguish. Rusty freaks out, latches onto the witch’s voice
Fear – childhood memories surface as he crabs along a hall
Suspense – the witch waits in the root cellar.
Surprise – He’s trapped in quicksand and dies.
New threat – the witch absorbs his memories to learn about these intruders
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR
Work continues, and poltergeist activity increases. Johnny Ray and Bryan struggle with misbehaving tools. Franklin’s confidence begins to fray.
Horror Situation – denial
Emotions: Anxiety – They chalk up troubles to the approaching storm.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – BROOK – DAY
Franklin does a perimeter check. They’re surrounded by 10 foot fences, the gate locked. Ivan uninterested in helping.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – HALL – DAY
Looks like we’re staying the night. Where’s Rusty? A search misses the cellar door. Mika and Nat find common ground in being outsiders.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – HALL – NIGHT
Ghastly noises, weakening flashlight batteries and ghostly touchings cause tensions to rise. Franklin argues with Dahlia.
Horror Situation – Attacked or chased
Emotions – Anxiety – disbelief hampers the teens’ ability to come to grips with Esperanza’s hauntings
Surprise – Objects take on a life of their own.
Panic – Their world is upended as reality falls apart.
Hysteria – We don’t know what to do.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOF – NIGHT
Franklin dies in a fall off the roof when his harness undoes itself before his eyes.
Horror situation – isolated
Emotions: Fear. He’s afraid of the storm and without backup.
Suspense – His harness twitches under unseen hands.
Apprehension – Franklin feels the weakness, loses his balance.
Terror – He clings to the eave right over the debris pile.
Shock – Esperanza appears, stomps on his hand holds.
INT/EXT. BUS – NIGHT
Dahlia and the kids pile in, but the bus won’t start.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT
They demand that Ivan loan them a vehicle, unlock the gate. Ivan dies trying to jumpstart one of his trucks.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION TRAILER – NIGHT
The machine chases the kids back to the house.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – KITCHEN – NIGHT
The teens berate Dahlia over her refusal to share Santeria information. They split up when the witch attacks.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Bryan consoles the hysterical Arianna. They’re tormented by Esperanza.
INT. SECOND FLOOR – BEDROOM – DAY
Nat and Mika find the decapitated Bryan. They meet up with Johnny Ray and plot an escape.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DRAWING ROOM – NIGHT
Arianna has totally flipped out. Esperanza consoles, coaxes her to the mirror and pulls her in.
Horror Situation – Entrapment
Emotions: Hysteria. Arianna is lost without her internet.
Suspense – Esperanza appears to be sympathetic.
Shock – Arianna is beyond thinking, lets the witch take her.
Denial – Too late Arianna resists. Esperanza absorbs her whole, gaining more substance.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Dahlia frantically combs through the books to find the spell to contain the witch. There’s only one thing she really needs – shoes, then she remembers the baby booties.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – HALLS – NIGHT
The witch captures the remaining teens.
Horror situation – being chased or attacked
Emotions – Dread – Nothing they’re tried has made them safer.
Anguish – Nat is injured
Surprise – Mika takes the lead but Johnny Ray balks and the witch traps them one by one
Horror – Esperanza relishes their terror, needing that frenzy to complete her transformation.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOT CELLAR – NIGHT
Dahlia recites a fresh binding spell, using Mika’s booties, sacrificing herself.
Horror situation – Dilemma
Emotions: Dread – Dahlia is desperate to avoid facing the witch, but that would mean sacrificing the teens
Anguish – She’s not sure she can accomplish the holding spell
Anxiety – Esperanza taunts Dahlia to distract her
Suspense – Can she finish the spell and free the teens?
Determination – Not a horror emotion, but Dahlia resolves to give herself to allow the teens to escape
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – NIGHT
On their way out Johnny Ray sets up the generator for a slow burn arson.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – BROOK – DAY
Mika, Nat and Johnny Ray run to the brook. Johnny Ray dies trying to cross the brook.
Horror Situation – See another killed
Emotions: Apprehension. The trio flee the house to the brook.
Anxiety – Crossing the water on the broken beams is a balancing act.
Horror – Johnny Ray crows a final “Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live”, and a final burst of Esperanza’s hatred shoves him off a beam to drown.
Shock – Nat and Mika cower when the house ignites.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
Police cars and fire engines crowd the brook as people rush to build a temporary bridge.
The house is burning cinders.
Nat and Mika herded into an ambulance. Neither one ready to talk. Who would believe their story?