Lesson 7

[Renee Miller]

Renee’s Monster Reveal Track

What I learned doing this assignment is how to strategically reveal the monster to create demand and tension for the characters and increase the suspense for the audience in a well-thought-out way.

Who is your monster and what is their terror?
The monsters are ancient shadow creatures birthed from a failed ritual meant to suppress overwhelming darkness tied to guilt, fear, and unresolved trauma. They are formless, sentient manifestation of negative human emotions and thrive on feeding off guilt, fear, and despair. They inhabit and manipulate shadows, making them omnipresent in darkened environments. The creatures are not mindless – they are calculating predators, toying with their victims psychologically before striking.

Powers: they can extinguish light sources, stretch and warp shadows, and cloak themselves in darkness to move undetected; they exploit victims’ guilt and fears, creating illusions of loved ones, past traumas, or horrifying scenarios to weaken their prey; they can for tendrils, claws, or grotesque humanoid shapes to interact physically with their environment or attack victims. They absorb victims into their shadows, leaving no trace or distorting their bodies into grotesque forms; they can move silently and remain unseen unless they choose to be noticed.

Limitations: they can’t not exist in total light; they rely on the natural darkness of their environment, their strength is cyclical, tied to specific time cycles, they grow stronger as they feed on fear and guilt, but they are weaker at the start of their manifestation period.

Weakness: direct, strong light can temporarily repel or weaken them, though they adapt over time to extinguish the source; they are less effective against groups that remain united, calm, and rational; can be contained with a specific ritual if reperformed or modified; they expend energy to create illusions or manipulate their environment which can weaken their ability to attack.

Plan/Purpose/Appetite: they seek to spread darkness and chaos, they plan to isolate, divide, and weaken the group through paranoia, fear, and guilt; they feed on fear and unresolved guilt.

ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil Established
Decades ago, a young historian ventured into a forgotten section of the building, following strange symbols etched into the walls. As shadows moved unnaturally and whispers turned into screams, his lantern failed, leaving him to face an incomprehensible entity in total darkness—an event that still haunts him to this day.

Monster Reveal: the shadows move unnaturally, and whispers are heard by Edmund.
Demand: establishes an eerie tone and the sense that there’s something lurking, but its nature is entirely unknown.

Horror Situation: Someone is trapped in a pitch-black room as the shadows seep in through the cracks.
Reaction: Edmund finds his way up to the top of the lighthouse and hides in the light.

Connect with the Characters
The group is introduced: Stacy (the leader), Jack (the rebel), Eliza (the innocent), and others as they navigate their strained relationships and secrets in the claustrophobic, shared building. Stacy’s discovery of an old journal hints at the town’s dark history.

Monster Reveal: Stacy sees a shadow twisting and moving unnaturally, but she rationalizes it as a trick of the light.
Demand: creates curiosity about whether the shadows are psychological or physical.

Horror Situation: Stacy checks the building’s stairwells, freezing in terror as a shadow slowly approaches, its form twisting into her worst fear.
Reaction: denial. She brushes it off as a trick of the light because of the storm.

Monster Reveal: A resident hears the voice of a loved one calling from the darkness, nearly luring them deeper.
Demand: the connection to personal guilt and unresolved emotions creates intrigue – what do the shadows want?

Horror Situation: Rebecca discovers an old ritual book but hears the voices of a loved one calling for help from the darkness, almost luring her deeper.
Reaction: Deny it.

The Characters Are Warned Not to Do It
The historian, Edmund, now a reclusive older man, warns Stacy that uncovering the journal’s truths could unleash something terrible. He cryptically mentions that “the darkness must not be disturbed,” but no one takes him seriously.

Monster Reveal: Edmund gives a vague warning about what will come if the truth is revealed.
Demand: the cryptic warning adds urgency to solve the mystery of the moving shadows and whispered voices.

Denial of Horror
The characters rationalize the growing strange occurrences as the result of the storm: flickering lights, missing people, and strange noises in the hallways are brushed off as stress and bad luck.

Safety Taken Away
The building’s generator fails, plunging the entire structure into near-total darkness except the dim emergency lighting. The group realizes they're trapped with no way to contact the outside world and the storm blocking all exits.

Monster Reveal: the voice of her dead son lures Tracy to her death.

Horror Situation: A shadow mimics the voice of a loved one, leading a grieving mother into danger.
Reaction: She embraces the monster.

Character Death: Tracy
Why: to start the horror; she gives up on life after her son’s death
How: Gives Up (Disorientation to death: the creatures warp the environment, leading victims into endless hallways or trap-like spaces where they die of exhaustion, starvation, or insanity, all while hearing whispers of torment.)

Horror Situation: A character is kidnapped by the shadows, disappearing into the walls.
Reaction: the group witnesses the group firsthand, causing panic and disbelief. Some are paralyzed with fear, while others try to find an explanation. Some flee the area.

Monster Reveal: Chuck is dragged into the walls, dissolving into darkness.

Character Death: Chuck
Why: The character is in denial; as a former military officer, he doesn’t believe in anything that he can’t see with his own eyes.
How: surprised (Absorption: the creature drags victims into the shadows, where they dissolve into darkness, leaving no physical trace behind.)

ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Monster: The Nature of the Beast
The shadow creatures reveal their presence subtly at first—whispering voices, distorted reflections, and shadows that move unnaturally. Their ability to manifest victims’ fears becomes horrifyingly clear when one character is lured into the dark by a shadow mimicking a loved one.

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted
The group is forced to huddle in the lit areas of the building, but their limited light sources begin to fail. The creatures start dividing them by manipulating the building’s layout and isolating individuals.

Horror Situation: A character is shackled by shadowy tendrils, unable to move as the others flee.
Reaction: the group fractures even more. Some hide, and some try to escape.

Monster Reveal: the shadows have grown stronger and send tendrils out from the darkness to envelop and suffocate him.

Character Death: Edmund
Why: Monster made the decision because Edmund knows their history and is the only one who can stop them.
How: Surprised (Suffocation: Shadowy tendrils wrap around victims, choking the life out of them while inducing visions of their deepest fears.)

One of Us Killed
The shadows claim another victim in a horrifying display, dragging them into the darkness. When the others find their remains distorted and unrecognizable, panic spreads through the group. The group runs, but one member is frozen in fear. The others try to drag her along, but she doesn’t budge. Stacy makes the decision to close the fire doors effectively cutting off the group from the members.

Monster Reveal: the creatures manifest Jack’s rebellious guilt and partially consume him, leaving his distorted body behind.

Horror Situation: One character refuses to take action, leaving the others vulnerable.
Reaction: one member tries to fight while the others flee.

Character Death: Jack
Why: he made a bad decision; a young, rebellious teen, Jack refuses to listen and gets trapped by himself.
How: Thrown into the monster (Distortion: victims are consumed partially, leaving grotesquely twisted, half-shadowed bodies behind as a warning to others.)

MIDPOINT: The Monster is Worse Than We Thought!
Stacy uncovers the full truth: the creatures were born from an ancient ritual gone wrong, tied to the town’s collective guilt and unresolved traumas. Worse, the creatures grow stronger with every death and every ounce of fear, meaning their survival only empowers the darkness.

Monster Reveal: Stacy discovers the shadows were born from an ancient ritual gone wrong, tied to collective guilt and trauma. They are manifestations of humanity’s darkest emotions.

ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR

Full Pursuit by the Killer
The shadow creatures relentlessly pursue the group, extinguishing their light sources one by one. The shadows manipulating doors, stairwells, and hallways thwart the group's attempts to find safety, turning the building into a labyrinth of terror.

Monster Reveal: The shadows warp the basement into a labyrinth, trapping Anthony and Rebecca while extinguishing the lights.

Horror Situation: Two characters who are in the basement trying to get the generator going are chased through the building’s basement by shadows, unable to find the exit.
Reaction: The try to flee, but one trips and falls. They get up and try to fight the shadows.

Character Death: Anthony
Why: a character flaw that compels them to take the wrong action; he will do anything to protect his wife.
How: self-sacrifice (Absorption: the creature drag victims into the shadows, where they dissolve into darkness, leaving no physical trace behind.)

Horror Situation: The other person in the basement is forced to watch as a friend is consumed by the shadows.
Reaction: They hide, paralyzed by fear and guilt, unable to intervene as the shadows consume their friend.

Character Death: Rebecca
Why: the monster made the decision
How: Back into it (Distortion: victims are consumed partially, leaving grotesquely twisted, half-shadowed bodies behind as a warning to others.)

Terrorized
The creatures exploit each character’s personal fears and guilt, driving them to madness. Paranoia sets in as the group begins to turn on each other, unsure of who can be trusted and whether any of them can truly survive.

Horror Situation: Two characters must decide who to save when the shadows approach—a heartbreaking dilemma.
Reaction: one character sacrifices himself and embraces the shadows, giving the other a chance to hide.

Monster Reveal: the shadows grow deeper and darker as Patty sacrifices herself to save her friend.

Character Death: Patty
Why: A character flaw that compels them to take the wrong action
How: Charge blindly into action (Fear-induced death: the creatures manipulate victims’ minds, forcing them to relieve their worst memories or confront their greatest fears until their hearts give out or their minds shatter.)

ACT 4

Fight to the Death
The group makes a desperate attempt to fight back, gathering the last of their light sources and barricading themselves in a central room. Stacy insists the only way to stop the creatures is to complete the ritual, but the group’s paranoia and growing fear cause division, and they begin to turn on each other.

Hysteria
As the shadows grow stronger, the group descends into chaos. One member accuses Stacy of being the cause of everything and sabotages her efforts to perform the ritual. The creatures manipulate their paranoia, creating illusions of loved ones and past mistakes, driving the survivors to lash out at each other.

The Thrilling Escape from Death
Stacy and the remaining survivors make one final attempt to reach the generator to flood the building with light. They manage to restore power briefly, creating a glimmer of hope, but the shadows adapt, extinguishing the light and plunging the building into complete darkness.

Monster Reveal: After getting the generator going, the shadows quickly extinguish the lights and lure Eliza into a trap.

Horror Situation: A shadow creature pretends to retreat, luring the group into a false sense of security.
Reaction: Believing they’ve won, the survivors step out of hiding, only to be ambushed, leading to several brutal deaths.

Character Death: Eliza
Why: They made a bad decision; as the town finance manager she’s been embezzling funds and neglecting upkeep on the building.
How: Escape attempt takes them into it

Death Returns to Take One or More
One by one, the remaining survivors are claimed by the shadows in increasingly horrifying and personal ways. Stacy, realizing the ritual cannot stop the creatures but only delay them, sacrifices herself to buy the others time. However, the others are too consumed by fear to act effectively and are quickly overpowered.

Monster Reveal: Stacy is apparently overwhelmed by the shadows.

Horror Situation: A character faces impending doom as their flashlight dies in a shadow-infested stairwell.
Reaction: Escape and hide

Apparent Character Death: Stacy
Why:
How: Charges blindly into action

Resolution
The storm eventually clears, and the town is eerily quiet as spring arrives. When the tunnel reopens, those who left for the winter return to find the building abandoned, with no sign of life. Inside, the rooms are marked with frozen, distorted bodies and cryptic symbols burned into the walls. Whispers echo faintly in the halls, hinting that the shadows are dormant but still present, waiting for the next intrusion into the darkness. They find Stacy hidden, barely alive.

Horror Situation: The victims’ bodies are left behind, grotesquely distorted into a half-shadow form.

Reaction: The storm clears, leaving the returning townspeople horrified by the discovery of the abandoned, blood-stained building and faint whispers that hint at the shadow’s lingering presence.

[JD Oppen]

JD’s Monster Reveal Track

What I learned doing this assignment is how is being made of my outline and story as I added the Monster Reveals and is offering me some ideas for scene arrangement.

A. Who is your monster and what is their terror?

Powers?
– Can enter dreams of his victims.
– Howling screams
– Sharp teeth and claws
– The strength to tear his victims to shreds
– Can move from place to place very fast
– Ability to regenerate when injured

Limitations?
– Monster’s distance from its host (Angelo) is limited

Weaknesses
Monster vanishes if host (Angelo) wakes
Monster weakens if host’s (Angelo) experimental meds wear off

Plan/Purpose/Appetite?
– To destroy anyone who bullies or threatens its host (Angelo)

B. Sequence the reveals.
– Discussions with Angelo’s mother and doctor about his meds
– Talk between Angelo’s mother and father about him, meds, doctor
– Talk of a bear mutilating a family at a cabin destination
– Classmates apprehensive about Angelo coming on trip
– Angelo’s step siblings are mutilated (monster unseen)
– Some characters visited by an uneasiness when they fall asleep on the way to the cabins
– The real monsters believed to be a bear when the characters are lost in the woods
– Angelo has tremors in his sleep
– Characters are attacked when they sleep
– Initial kills, while violent, monster is virtually unseen due to its speed
– As the master kills it is seen more
– Monster is attacked by a couple of the characters
– Whenever Angelo wakes the monster disappears suddenly
– When it’s learned Angelo is the host he is attacked and the monster becomes more violent
– Angelo is killed and the monster is sucked back into his body, and when he does, Angelo lives again

C. Create Demand for each clue/reveal.

Demand: Why do classmates not want Angelo to go to the cabins?
Monster Reveal: His siblings were mutilated in their sleep

Demand: Why do Angel’s parents fight about him going. Father is fine with it. Why is his mother not?
Monster Reveal: Angelo’s mother and doctor discuss possible side effects or Angelo’s experimental meds

Demand: Characters are visited in their sleep.
Monster Reveal: Monster can attack them in their dreams.

Demand: Angelo has night tremors.
Monster Reveal: His tremors happen when the monster attacks its victims

Demand: Intrigue… what is the monster, what does it look like?
Monster Reveal: The monster attacks with blazing speed and murders some of its victims virtually unseen

Demand: Why does the monster appear more violent when the bear attacks some of the monster’s victims
Monster Reveal: The monster demands it possesses its victims and needs to be the one who takes the life

Demand: Why is Angelo never around during the attacks?
Monster Reveal: The victims realize Angelo is behind the attacks

Demand: The characters must find a way to wake up.
Monster Reveal: They do and beat up Angelo until he is unconscious

Demand: The characters are safe because Angelo is no longer sleeping
Monster Reveal: Angelo being unconscious makes the monster more violent and now he can attack them while they are awake

Demand: Characters must kill the monster
Monster Reveal: They do and the survivors escape, finding one of the vehicle and fleeing

Demand: As the monster is sucked back into Angelo’s body, it wakes him from death.
Monster Reveal: Angelo wakes from death

D. Updated outline with Monster Reveals (IN GREEN – colors are for me later)

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil established:

Group of classmates talks about going up to isolated cabin area that is closed to the public because a family was killed by a group of bears, all the while, the visuals are of the bear attack on the family, or just of the barren cabin location.

*Alternate Idea: News footage that is a one year anniversary after the family was killed talking about it, possibly a survivor, and discussing the fact the grounds remains closed to the public.

As well there is some chatter about bringing the main character, whose step brother and sister were mysteriously murdered in their sleep.

Horror Situation: Vicious bear attack
Reaction: News reel(s) of vicious bear attack

Horror Situation: Violent deaths of main character’s step brother & sister
Reaction: News reel(s) of their deaths

Horror Situation: Mother and doctor discuss Angelo’s experimental meds
Reaction: Glimpses into horrific side effects of main character’s reaction to experimental medication

Demand: Why do classmates not want Angelo to go to the cabins?
Monster Reveal: His siblings were mutilated in their sleep

Connect with the characters:

Most characters are classmates watching 2 of their friends playing a championship football game. We see the character’s traits and get an idea how they are and may react in horrific situations by how they are with the game and/or each other. Some are friends watching the game, a couple are cheerleaders and 2 are playing the game. A couple are friends of the main clique, so they are kind of outsiders. The main characters is teased.

As well, 2 other characters somewhat unrelated to this group listen in and decide to go to the same abandoned location for the weekend. They are a scary goth couple, frightening to some just to look at.

Horror Situation: Goth couple talk about violence, and what happened at the cabin location
Reaction: Characters are frightened, some reluctant to go on the trip

Demand: Why do Angel’s parents fight about him going. Father is fine with it. Why is his mother not?
Monster Reveal: Angelo’s mother and doctor discuss possible side effects or Angelo’s experimental meds

The characters are warned not to do it:

The more outsider characters, a friend of one of the cheerleaders, the main character, whose the cheerleader’s friend has a crush on, are all apprehensive about going to this place because of what happened. One of the cheerleaders is also apprehensive. The school basketball player agrees with the football players about how cool, fun and exciting the trip will be in the face of possible danger… bears. Again the main characters is teased/taunted. He really does not want to go, but is mostly talked into it by the friend of one of the cheerleaders.

The goth couple are sitting behind those watching the game and talking about their upcoming weekend, and they chime in about the dangers, then discuss amongst themselves how they should go too just to scare the hell of the group of friends… or protect them. They tell the main character they got his back, establishing some type of friendship.

Horror Situation: Glimpses into horrific side effects of main character’s reaction to experimental medication
Reaction: more of the brutal mutilation of his siblings

Denial of Horror:

The football players are all for it, so is the football player. They are all tough guys, so they are not afraid and don’t think anything will happen. As well, one of the cheerleaders has a crush on the quarterback, so she goes along with what he says. Some of them laugh stating the only thing they have to fear is sleeping around the main character because of what happened to his siblings.

Horror Situation: Goth couple startles others, showing weird piercings & implants
Reaction: Characters are more uneasy, frightened about the trip

Safety taken away:

On the three hour drive, a couple of them fall asleep and appear to be visited bu an entity while they sleep. As they get closer to the cabin area they are losing cell phone reception, it is intermittent. Even closer there are signs stating no trespassing, the area is closed to the public. The main characters is taunted again and the girl who likes him stands up for him.

The goth couple travel separately, they could care less about anything going wrong. They are not easily intimidated.

Horror Situation: Entity visits main characters while they sleep on the way to the cabin
Reaction: Those visited are intimidated by the entity, grow worrisome

Demand: Characters are visited in their sleep.
Monster Reveal: Monster can attack them in their dreams.

Monster: The nature of the beast:

The goth girl drives, her boyfriend falls asleep on the way and is visited by the entity. He wakes shaken and frightened, which is way out of character for him. His girlfriend laughs but is also a little excited about the entity her boyfriend dreamt of… maybe even a little jealous.

Horror Situation: Entity visits male goth character on the way to cabin
Reaction: While he is looked, his girlfriend is jealous, she is crazier than him

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted:

As the main group gets closer their vehicle dies. They must make the rest of the trip on foot and sun is on it’s way down. Cell reception is pretty much non-existent. They reach the cabins at dusk, and there’s no turning back now.

It gets late and it’s time for everyone to sleep. Some of them are visited by the entity as they sleep. They wake in a frenzy. The football players tell them it’s nothing to worry about. They all reluctantly go back to sleep.

Horror Situation: Weather takes a bad turn, wind, some rain
Reaction: starting to lose cell reception in an eerie place

Horror Situation: No trespassing/danger signs, warnings to keep out and weather turns to violent thunderstorm
Reaction: Main characters’ vehicle dies in eerie location from motor  getting wet – they must find cabins on foot in the storm

Horror Situation: All cell reception lost – relied on phones for navigation, cannot find the cabins, darkness falls
Reaction: Make lean-to with tarp(s), They must sleep outdoors and search in the morning

Horror Situation: Fear of noises,
Reaction: think it’s bears, they think they are being  hunted

Horror Situation: Goth couple do not see the broken down vehicle
Reaction: They plow into it

Horror Situation: Goth couple’s injuries look bad, they find the others and frighten them from their bloody injuries
Reaction: The others help them, take them in, clean them up

Horror Situation: Through the night some sleeping characters are visited by the entity
Reaction: one of them is killed

Character Death 1: Dina
Why: Because she is the innocent one.
How: By accident by the monster lunging to kill a bear which moves out of the way, the monster and Dina had an affection for each other

Horror Situation: They search the darkness for the cabins
Reaction: Again they think they are being hunted by bears

One of us killed:

The group is again confronted by the entity and one of them is brutally killed in their sleep. This is really happening now. But no signs of anyone or anything entering the cabin.

Horror Situation: the entity attacks all victims in their sleep, they cannot wake, The characters who most taunted the main character suffer brutal deaths
Reaction: The linebacker attempts to fight the entity
Horror Situation: The character thought to be the toughest fights the monster
Reaction: Linebacker is mutilated

Demand: Angelo has night tremors.
Monster Reveal: His tremors happen when the monster attacks its victims

Character Death 2: Bull
Why: Escalates the horror as he is the first character to attack the monster
How: Charges blindly into action and is violently ripped to shreds

Horror Situation: The goth male takes control to make weapons, Got girl doesn’t like the idea because she is smitten with the  entity, and quarterback does not like him taking control and attempt to  stop him
Reaction: The quarterback and head cheerleader are attacked and barely escape; they survive  – for now

Demand: Intrigue… what is the monster, what does it look like?
Monster Reveal: The monster attacks with blazing speed and murders some of its victims virtually unseen

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

Full pursuit by the killer:

The monster is the main character. His experimental meds turn him into a psychotic killer who attacks his victims in their dreams. Now the group of them are all in the same dream and fighting to survive as they realize who it is that’s attacking them.

Horror Situation: The other cheerleader is hysterical – runs and hides outside,
Reaction: she is found by the basketball player, she is being attacked and almost dead

Horror Situation: The basketball player attempt to save her, drags her back to  cabin
Reaction They are both attacked in the attempt and the girl is dismembered in front of him

Character Death 1: Violet
Why: Because we think she escaped the monster by running, then saved by Jazz, brought to safety, so we think
How: Escape attempt takes her into it, and she is slaughtered by the monster

Horror Situation: Basketball player manages to escape back to cabin, pleads to  be let in
Reaction: They open the door and one of his arms is ripped off by the entity as he gets inside

Horror Situation: The girl who likes the main character is confronted and realizes who he is
Reaction: she warns the others

Demand: Why does the monster appear more violent when the bear attacks some of the monster’s victims
Monster Reveal: The monster demands it possesses its victims and needs to be the one who takes the life

Terrorized:

The killer wages a brutal assault on the classmates who had taunted him. They are hunted in their dreams while the others are terrorized but trying to stop it from happening. They cannot wake.

Horror Situation: They fight to wake
Reaction: They do, the quarterback wakes the main character and beats the hell out of him rendering him unconscious… They think they are safe

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the death:

The victims are being brutally attacked. They are horrified, but must find a way to unite.

Horror Situation: Now that the monster is unconscious he attacks again
Reaction: this time his victims are awake

Hysteria:

Pandemonium ensues as the victims are being slaughtered, one by one.

Horror Situation: The basketball waits frightened in a tree with a weapon he made
Reaction: monster follows the blood trail from his missing arm

Character Death 2: Jazz

Why: Monster has it out for him because he could not kill him on the first try, after Jazz’s bad decision, saving Violet from the monster’s attack, now he is in a tree with a weapon he made.
How: Attempts something that fails (saving violet AND making a weapon to kill the monster) Initially has an arm ripped off and has to deal with it for a while, but the monster follows his blood trail, sniffs the blood, knows he is in a tree and gets his revenge by further dismemberment.

Demand: Why is Angelo never around during the attacks?
Monster Reveal: The victims realize Angelo is behind the attacks

The thrilling escape from death:

The goth boyfriend helps to unite the group in their dreams. They must find a way to wake the main character so the killing stops. Finally the last few survivors are able to wake and wake up the main character. One of the survivors is the quarterback. He is furious with the main character. Though they appear to be safe now that they are all awake, the quarterback beats the main character, knocking him unconscious.

Demand: The characters must find a way to wake up.
Monster Reveal: They do and beat up Angelo until he is unconscious

Horror Situation: The survivors must devise a plan quickly to kill the main character
Reaction: The goth girl tries to save the main character

Death returns to take one or more:

Because the main character is unconscious, he can attack his victims again. But this time the victims are all awake! They work together, deciding to kill the main character while he sleeps so he cannot attack them anymore.

Demand: The characters are safe because Angelo is no longer sleeping
Monster Reveal: Angelo being unconscious makes the monster more violent and now he can attack them while they are awake

Horror Situation: Bear attacks monster and Goth Girl tries to help the monster
Reaction: She is inadvertently killed (so we think)

Character Death 5: Trace
Why: Trace is the apparent death. She is infatuated with the monster.
How: Sacrificed – she sacrifices herself to save the monster. Trace tries to stop the bear when he attacks the monster and is inadvertently killed, so we think.

Horror Situation: Goth male attacks the monster out of betrayal.
Reaction: Quarterback seizes the opportunity and kills the main character as he sleeps – it’s over

Character Death 6: Spike
Why: Because he attacks the monster for killing his girlfriend Trace, who we don’t know is not actually dead
How: Betrayed – because the monster killed his girlfriend (so he thinks). Suffers a brutal death as the monster does not stand for being attacked.

Resolution:

Demand: Characters must kill the monster
Monster Reveal: They do and the survivors escape, finding one of the vehicle and fleeing

The surviving victims succeed. They kill the main character and escape as the evil entity is sucked back into the dead main character’s lifeless body.

Demand: As the monster is sucked back into Angelo’s body, it wakes him from death.
Monster Reveal: Angelo wakes from death

As they run to the goth couples’ vehicle to leave this place the evil is all sucked back into the main character… As the survivors flee in the car… the main character OPENS HIS EYES!

Horror Situation: Quarterback, head cheerleader, and main character’s girlfriend run for their lives
Reaction: the entity is slowly sucked back into the the  dead body

Horror Situation: They make it back to their vehicle but can’t get it started
Reaction: The last of the entity seeps into the main character’s dead body and the car starts, they drive away

Horror Situation: The main character’s eyes open!
Reaction: JD writes sequel, LOL

[Nick Walsh]

LESSON #7

Nick’s Monster Reveal Track

What I learnt: Doing this exercise gave me a couple of unique monster traits that hadn’t occurred to me until this lesson. I fleshed out the monster more and actually created empathy for them. By defining the motives of the monster, I made changes to the plot and created a surprise ending for the movie. It gets better with every lesson.

A. WHO IS YOUR MONSTER AND WHAT IS THEIR TERROR?
Powers?
—Powerful strength. Have regenerative powers. Can peel the skin from a carcass faster than a butcher with just its teeth. Can withstand being set on fire.

Limitations?
—Must stay secluded, or they will become known to the outside world—like Bigfoot—and be eradicated or caged. They don’t venture beyond their hidden geographic valley of influence.

Weaknesses?
—Need to constantly gnaw on bones to exercise their incisors, or they will grow too long and become useless and cause starvation. Can only be thoroughly killed by water—drowning.

Plan/Purpose/Appetite?
—Have an appetite for animal flesh and bones but consider human flesh a delicacy, derived exclusively from unwitting humans—like hikers—who wander into their area, otherwise they live peaceful lives. They cherish the victims’ eyeballs as talismans.

B. SEQUENCE THE DEMANDS / REVEALS.

Opening/prologue:
Demand: Who or what is crudely removing an eyeball from a screaming victim?

Reveal: We see a partial reveal of the monster’s face: His chattering yellow, beaver-like incisors and his mouth humming a tune.

During 1st Act:
Demand: A number of pool players from a local motorcycle gang are mysteriously missing one eye.

Reveal: We are led to believe that the motorcycle gang must be the monsters throughout the movie, but in the end, turns out they will be the saviors.

1st Act turning point:
Demand: The bikers discover the skin-stripped, liver-less, eyeless remains of the driver of the camper that saved them earlier.

Reveal: This is the first evidence of the monster’s work.

1st half of 2nd Act:
Demand: The monster is finally seen munching on a body, but at a great distance so we can’t make out his frightening details.

Reveal: The first biker is found barely alive, missing his eyes, his torso skin stripped and pulled over his head. An interrupted monster at work.

Midpoint:
Demand: The bikers happen upon a cabin and witness contented domesticity in a family of monsters.

Reveal: The family of monsters are living their lives, just like us, only with different values. The mother is sewing skin-tight clothes made from human skin.

2nd half of 2nd Act:
Demand: Why are the monsters attacking humans?

Reveal: We hunt deer for food and skin; the monsters hunt humans for the same.

3rd Act:
Demand: The monster is set on fire, but keeps on fighting as if he’s not. He’s immune.

Reveal: The monster is finally killed off by water, not fire.

Resolution:
Demand: The survivor is finally safe at home, but tosses around in bed in the throes of a vivid nightmare.

Reveal: Although the survivor wakes up from a sweaty nightmare of losing his other eye by the monster he killed, we further learn that peace has returned to the monsters’ home and a mother monster is lovingly feeding a baby monster.

xxx

[David Wickenden]

David Wickenden Assignment #7 Monster Reveal Track
What I learned doing this assignment is…?
By tracking the reveals, I can leave a trail of clues for the audience to pick up on.
A. Who is your monster and what is their terror?
• Powers? – Shape shifter and able to evolve to dangers
• Limitations? – Can be injures by unknown attacks
• Weaknesses? – Can only be injured or killed using new types of attacks.
• Plan/Purpose/Appetite? Kill all adversaries. Can eat flesh for energy and transformations
B. Sequence the reveals.
C. Create Demand for each clue/reveal.
2. Lay that over your current outline and fill in each clue/reveal using the tag “Monster Reveal:.”
Act 1 – Set up for Horror
Atmosphere of Evil established – Scientists working in a lab are confronted by a specimen that escapes its holding tank.
Horror Situation – A lab specimen escapes from its holding tank and tears apart a scientist.
Character Death 1 – Scientist – Tyler’s Father
Why: He makes the mistake and releases the monster.
How: Creature bites into him and shakes him like a dog shaking a rat.
Monster Reveal: Monster attacks a scientist and attacks by biting him like an animal
Reaction – the other scientists leave him to his fate and rush to escape while the lab goes into lockdown.
Horror Situation – Trying to escape, one of the scientist slides under the closing door and is cut in half.
Character Death 2 – Scientist 2
Why: In a panic to escape, he leaves a visiting team to fend for himself and attempts to slide under the closing door.
How: The door closes and cuts him in two. He watches the boy as he bleeds out.
Reaction – his blood covers one of his co-workers and he goes into shock.
Monster reveal: Monster gets down on all fours and licks at the pool of blood.
Connect with the characters – Meet Team Bravo, Heavy Reactionary group. A group of hardcore men and women, all professional soldiers, some
The characters are warned not to do it. – The head scientist warns them that if any of the specimens escaped, it would be suicide for them to enter, but government agent refuses to stand down. Nothing can stop his group.
Denial of Horror – Leader of Team Bravo tells the scientist that nothing can defeat his team.
Safety taken away – As the team enters the building, the creature attacks and the soldiers retaliate. A bullet hits a gas main, and a fire ensues. The fire follows the gas line and creates an explosion which destroys the entrance to the facility. The creature is wounded and slinks off. One man is taken. They find a teenager, terrified and wide-eyed. Monster Reveal: The soldiers only see a flash of black as it grabs their leader and retreats. Lightening fast.

Horror Situation: Vincent –Unknown Motive – Corporate Scientist and guide goes missing after the attack.
Reaction: No one knows what happened to him.
Monster Reveal: We see how its claws can cut through body armor and can adapt (shape shifting) its body to become bullet proof.
Monster: The nature of the beast. We see the wounded soldier being hung from the ceiling. Razor sharp claws cut through the man’s body armor. Its skin simulates the body armor so that it becomes bullet proof.
Horror Situation – Shackled – The creature begins to skin the man while still alive.
Reaction – the man dies screaming.
Character Death 3 – Captain Armstrong – Platoon Leader
Why: Not ready for an attack with his entire crew at the ready.
How: Grabbed from behind and taken. Skinned alive.
Monster Reveal: Monster’s body goes gray and as he licks the blood off the body, it becomes healthier.

Act 2 – The Point of No Return
• Isolated / Trapped / Abducted
The team realizes that they are trapped within the building and the locks are in place for 12 hours.
Monster Reveal Demand: Tyler explains that he watched as the creature became stronger when it licked up the blood of its victims.
• One of us killed
Horror Situation: Determines to clear the lab of all creatures, the group finds their dead friend, all his skin lying in a heap on the floor beside a pool of blood.
Reaction – Fear and anger – they want revenge
Horror Situation – Character loses it (hysterical) General’s son loses it, firing off his entire clip, endangering team.
Reaction – team members disarm him but now have to guard him for his own good. No one is happy about this.

Midpoint: The monster is worse than we thought!
• Full pursuit by the killer
They must fight their way room by room, the creature always attacking.
Horror situation – spooky situation – A flame thrower causes the sprinkler system to go off, and emergency lighting is all that’s left for them to navigate.
Monster Reveal: Fire hurts the monster.
Reaction – group become rattled, hard to see the monster coming.
Horror Situation – Character loses it – General’s son makes a run for it and throws himself into a room and locks the door
Monster Reveal: The monster stretches itself flat against the ceiling. It shows its shape shifting talent as it stretches its mouth to fully envelope its victim.
Reaction – The monster drops from the ceiling and kills the General’s son.
Character Death 4 – Webster – General’s Son
Why: panics, undisciplined
How: Creature is part of a ceiling, falls onto Webster devouring him.
• Terrorized
Horror Situation – Transforms into something else – The group tries to secure their area, but the creature keeps attacking. Their weapons don’t seem to hurt it.
Monster Reveal: They realize it is now bullet proof. It adapts.

Act 3 – Full Out Horror
• Fight to the death
The group is attacked nonstop. One soldier throws a knife and wounds the creature.
Monster Reveal: Adapts to every attack.
Horror Situation – transforms – the creature evolves able to throw bone fragments like knives at the soldiers.
Reaction – One bone fragment kills one of the women.
Character Death 5 – Mia – Female Hispanic soldier.
Why: Gets in the way of an attack by the monster.
How: Creature evolves and throws a bone fragment that impales Mia.
Horror Situation – character loses it – seeing her partner killed, the other woman goes ballistic and attacks the monster.
Monster Reveal: If bullets won’t kill it, try a grenade.
Reaction – In close quarters, she throws a grenade and manages to wound the thing but is killed. The entire platoon attacks the wounded creature, their weapons tearing the thing apart. Their relief is short changed.
Character Death 6 – Zuri – Female Black soldier
Why: Reacts to Mia’s death – her lover and attacks the monster.
How: When the monster grabs her, she pulls the pin on a grenade. She is killed and wounds the monster.
Monster Reveal: The monster is making copies of itself.
Character Death 7 – Vincent reappears and we find out that he created these monsters – he sees himself as their father and believes they will listen to him.
Why: underestimates the creatures loyalty.
How: Vincent approaches the creature to comfort it, but it pulls him in for a hug and crushes him until his body bursts.
• Death returns to take one or more.
Horror situation – Out of the frying pan and into the fire – A second creature appears and kills another soldier. They realize that there are others. The fighting resumes and the last of the soldiers are cut down, but the second creature dies. Only our hero and the teen are left.
Character Death 8 – Barrett
Why: The tough German is dangerous to the monster and has caused a lot of damage
How: Barrett attacks with a AA-12 (Auto Assault – 12) with high explosive armor-piercing (HEAP) and high explosive fragmenting antipersonnel (HEFA) and the monster retaliates with bone spears. Both are killed.
• Resolution
Horror situation – Working with someone, then they become the evil one – The teen reveals that he too is one of the monsters.
Reaction – and kills off our hero.
Character Death 8 – Archer
Why: He’s the last of the team
How: Tyler exposes that he is one of the monsters, and attacks Archer with his jaws.
Survivor
• Teen – Tyler Dundas – Scientist’s kid – saw his father killed
• He’s one of the monsters
• Theme – messing with unknown technology can end up killing all of us.
We cut to a scene to an observation room where a scientist and a general witness the entire fight. The General likes what he has seen and orders the experiment to proceed to the next phase. The Chinese will never know what hit them.

• This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wickenden.

[Barry Barry Durbin Durbin]

Barry’s Monster Reveal Track
What I learned by doing this assignment is how to gradually reveal your monster and build terror and suspense throughout the script.

Who is the monster?
• According to Choctaw folklore, Shampe or The Hairy Man is a malevolent, Ogre-like monster.
• It is giant and hairy and it said to be a man-eater.
• It’s most salient feature is its smell.
Powers
• Can go between the real and the spiritual worlds
• Super Strength
• Lightning fast
• Can move around and disappear without being detected.

Limitations
• Spiritual item’s presence causes it back off.
• Can’t fit into small spaces.

Weaknesses
• Afraid of fire

Plan/Purpose/Appetite
• To seek revenge for disturbing the Native American burial site.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil established: Native American guide with hikers crossing a stream on the outside of the forest tree line. They see movement and noises in the forest. An unseen creature lets out an extended, earth-shattering scream. Something is there and we don’t know what it is.

Monster Reveal. Opening: They hear the scream. They are frozen with fear. We see terror on their face and just as they begin to scream, it stops. We see blood and maybe a piece of clothing floating in the water.

Connect with the characters: Characters are loading the vehicle for their trip and traveling to their destination.

Horror Situation: One character is hiding, jumping out at to surprise someone. Reaction: They scream, then laugh it off. Denial.
The characters are warned not to do it: An elderly Native American woman warns them about the spirit of Shampe, Choctaw word for Bigfoot and cautions them not to go.

Monster Reveal: An elderly Native American woman warns the group about the Hairy Man. She gives Nashoba a spiritual item (maybe a necklace) and urges him to keep the item with him for protection.

Denial of Horror: The leader assures everyone that he is an expert woodsman, and they have nothing to worry about and the old lady is crazy.

Horror Situation: They get lost trying to find the cabin. They lose their sense of direction. Reaction: Solve it. The leader figures out the right way to go and calms everyone down.

Monster Reveal: There is unusual movement in the trees. They think they see something, but then it is gone.

Monster Reveal: They smell something with such a horrible stench it gags them. They blame it on Bennie (the complainer) and his gastrointestinal issues.

Safety taken away: The car becomes disabled, and they discover there is no cell service at their location.

Horror Situation: During the hike to the cabin, they discover an ancient Native American burial ground, which is overgrown and spooky. Reaction: One character disturbs one the graves and removes and ancient relic left behind, while the others are aghast by his actions.

Monster Reveal: After they leave the burial site, the ground begins to shake and the grave that has been disturbed, the earth begins to crack.

Monster: The nature of the beast: With the dead young creature inside the cabin, the adult creature is lurking outside. It’s found them!

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: Trapped inside the cabin with the creature outside. They don’t know what is outside or how to defend themselves.

Horror Situation: Only one character can see the creature. Reaction: The othesr are in denial and don’t believe them.

Monster Reveal: From the Monster’s POV, we see the cabin our victims are in. It’s watching them. We still don’t see the monster.

Horror Situation: They hear the creature outside. They aren’t sure what it is. Reaction: They hide inside and try to stay quiet.

Monster Reveal: They hear sounds of something big moving through the woods. They hear a large animal growl and what sounds like an attack that suddenly stops just after starting.

Horror Situation: The leader comes up with a plan to protect them. Reaction: The others disagree with his plan and causes an internal conflict.

Horror Situation: The light goes out causing them to be in the dark. Reaction: They search for a different light source.

Monster Reveal: They smell the same stench from earlier. They still wonder what the smell is.

Horror Situation: The creature goes silent. They think it’s gone, and the female character goes outside to look for her phone she dropped earlier. The Leader goes to protect her. The creature isn’t gone. The Leader tries to fight the creature. Reaction: The female frantically runs back to the cabin. The creature chases her, but she barely makes it back to safety.

Horror Situation: Those inside can hear horror happening outside the others. Reaction: They hide behind a barricade. They are almost hysterical.

One of us killed: The leader is killed.

Character Death 1 : Alex, the Leader. Why? Alex is the leader. Killing him first makes us fearful for the others. How? He is attempting to protect Beth as she goes outside to look for her phone she dropped earlier. She wants to call for help. He is blindsided and snatched. We don’t see the monster, but blood splashes on Beth’s face.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought: They now realize that the creature is after them.

Horror Situation: The female makes it back into the cabin. She becomes hysterical trying to recall what she saw. Reaction: They try to come up with another plan to kill the monster.

Full pursuit by the killer: Creature tries to gain access to the cabin, and they have to come up with a new plan to stop it.

Horror Situation: The creature circles the cabin, pounding on the walls. Reaction: They try to solve it by finding the weak spots and putting out barricades.

Monster Reveal: We see more of the monster, but not the full monster. Maybe its sharp teeth or something else menacing.

Horror Situation: As the creature gets near them, the Native character says something in Choctaw and the creature backs off. Reaction: The others are paranoid that he is part of the terror.

Monster Reveal: Nashoba says something in his Choctaw language and holds the item the elderly woman gave him. The monster backs off.

Terrorized: As the creature becomes more aggressive, Chad goes to confront the creature. The weapon is of no use as he is killed

Character Death 2: Chad – the Obnoxious One. Why? Chad becomes abusive to the others. He tries to take control of the group and makes a bad decision that puts them in more danger. Maybe he decides to leave, and the others refuse to follow.
How? The monster stalks him. He can’t tell which direction the monster is coming from. He eventually walks backwards cautiously searching for the monster and back into it. He screams and we don’t see what happens.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the death: The remaining victims come up with a new plan.

Hysteria: Creature crashes through the cabin wall and snatches another victim pulling them out and killing them.

Monster Reveal: They smell that horrible smell again, they realize now that it’s the monster that smells. Bennie sits against the wall and yells at the others that its not him that smells.

Character Death 3: Bennie – the Complainer
Why? By this time, we are sick to death of his complaining and are cheering for him to get killed!
How? He is sitting next to the wall inside the cabin next to a window. The monster stealthily moves towards the window. Bennie seems relaxed inside when all of a sudden, the monster’s arm crashes through the window and pulls Bennie through the window. We hear him screaming.

Horror Situation: Character is sitting with their back to the wall. The creature sneaks up without being noticed. Just when the person inside is relaxed, the creature crashes its arm through the wall and snatches them. We assume they’re dead. We don’t see them again. Reaction: The others become hysterical and try to escape by running to a different room in the cabin.

Horror Situation: As the characters run from the horror, one-character falls through the floor and lands in a hidden room (they find something to help fight the creature, e.g. Weapons, explosives, etc.) Reaction: The others are in a panic. They look for a way to get the person out.

Horror Situation: One character can’t contain themselves and run from the cabin hoping to reach safety. The creature stalks them. It seems to be all around them, but they can’t see it. It toys with him before killing him. Reaction: He runs trying to escape but fails.

Horror Situation: The three remaining characters come face-to-face with the creature. They are forced to fight to the death. Reaction: They attempt to fight back with the weapons found in the hidden room.

Monster Reveal: We now see the full Monster.

The thrilling escape from death: Just three remain. The Native American male sacrifices his life thinking he will save Meghann. The creature destroys the cabin leaving Meghann apparently dead under a pile of debris. Beth is hurt and traumatized, but alive.

Character Death 4: Nashoba, the Sacrificial Lamb
Why? He sacrifices himself for the others.
How? The monster is going after Beth. Nashoba distracts the monster. The monster slams Meghann across the room and turn towards Nashoba. The monster tears him apart killing him.

Death returns to take one or more: We assume it’s over and the monster returns to kill Beth. There is movement in the pile of debris, Meghann is alive.
Character Aparant Death: Meghann, the Moral One
Why is Meghann saved? She is the one who always tries to do the right thing.

Character Death 5: Beth, the Rebel/Rule Breaker
Why? It seems that the monster has left. Beth screams obscenities in the direction the monster leaves and taunts the monster. How? Suddenly, the monster appears and knocks her head off. She dies because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut!

Resolution: The creature has survived, and we get a glimpse of its world, hidden from humans.

• This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by  Barry Barry Durbin Durbin.

[Deborah Daughetee]

Debbie’s Monster Reveal Track

I learned to define my monster. The limitations–how they are going to defeat it, that sort of thing. Also, I learned that in plotting the character deaths (the how, why, and demand) I was able to build in a rising sense of terror and, hopefully, a few surprises.

The Revenant Queen

Powers:
1. Drowning Aura – Creates an oppressive, supernatural force that makes breathing difficult, as if victims are underwater even when they aren’t.
2. Water Manipulation – Controls the river and any water on the boat, allowing her to summon waves, flood rooms, or even make water rise unnaturally to drag victims under.
3. Decay & Corruption – Anything she touches begins to rot, rust, or dissolve, including wood, metal, and flesh. The riverboat slowly falls apart under her influence.
4. Leech Swarm – Her body constantly drips with leeches that feed on the life force of victims, weakening them physically and mentally.
5. Shadowy, Shifting Form – She is never fully solid, constantly shifting between dripping mud, tangled bones, and fragments of the drowned dead.
6. Unnatural Movement – Can emerge from any water source, whether a puddle, a drinking cup, or the river itself.

Limitations:
1. Tied to the River – She cannot stray far from the Mississippi or the water that feeds her. If separated from the river for too long, she weakens.
2. Physical Form is Unstable – Fire, salt, and light can temporarily disrupt her body, forcing her to retreat or lose her ability to manipulate her surroundings.

Weaknesses:
1. Fire & Heat – Her waterlogged, muddy form hardens and cracks under intense heat, making her slow and vulnerable to physical attacks.
2. Salt – Has a purifying effect that repels her and can even cause her form to disintegrate temporarily. A circle of salt may hold her off, but won’t destroy her.

Plan / Purpose / Appetite:
1 Plan: To punish those who repeat the crimes of the past—the traffickers, the buyers, and those complicit in the horrors aboard the riverboat.
2 Purpose: She was betrayed, drowned, and erased from history, and now she exists as an unstoppable force of justice and vengeance. She will not rest until those responsible—or those continuing the cycle—have paid with their lives.
3 Appetite: She does not “feed” in the traditional sense but absorbs pain, fear, and suffering. She can merge victims into her own form, making them part of her tortured existence, their voices forever whispering in the water.

Sequence

1. Seaweed on paddlewheel.
2. Tendrils of mud pulling crewman under.
3. Information that the Riverboat is cursed. Terrible things happened aboard.
4. Men watching the women dancing the cancan and discussing who want whom.
5. Death of rich men.
6. Attack of Samson when he tries to free the snag.
7. Fog rolls in smelling of rot
8. Bonnie Lou has a liaison with Cassius. They discuss the girls and Lillith
9. Bonnie Lou is killed
10. Discover that the girls are now locked below deck in cages. Jonas is their keeper. Next, he is going after Lillith.
11. Monster finds Lillith and Quinn. She stands in front of them, not moving, then a tendril reaches out and lifts Lillith’s locket.
12. Quinn attacks the monster with a chair, but it simply gets absorbed into her body. It turns on Quinn. Quinn scrambles,and ends up spilling some salt on the ground. The Monster hisses and backs away.
13. Monster kills Jonas
14. Lillith explains the locket has a picture of her grandmother and a lock of her hair. She shows newspaper articles of what happened to the Revenant Queen before and reveals that her grandmother disappeared while on the cruise.
15. Quinn breaks into Cassius’ cabin and discovers the ledger and information on the auction.
16. The monster finds the girls in the cages.
17. Lillith finds the girls and the monster. She uses salt to chase the monster away. She tries to free the girls, but needs the key.
18. The captain lowers a hidden rowboat and begins to row toward shore. The boat becomes a part of the monster, and it folds up around him, devouring him.
19. Samson climbs back into the boat.
20. Quinn and Lillith confront Cassius. He denies it until Quinn throws his ledger at him. Cassius says it’s only business, nothing personal.
21. The monster shows up. Cassius tries to sacrifice Lillith to the monster. Samson comes in with a torch and kills the monster. It melts away into the deck and nothing is left but a puddle of mud.
22. Cassius recovers his gun and holds it on them.
23. The monster is resurrected (a thin line of watery mud ran toward the edge of the boat at into the river)
24. The monster kills Cassius.
25. The monster turns into a pretty woman who looks like Lillith. She stands there for a moment, then dissolves into water and mud that runs back into the river and is gone.
26. The fog dissipates. The snag lets go of the boat.

1. Clue: Seaweed on the Paddlewheel
• What Demands It?
o A crewman inspects the paddlewheel and finds it clogged with long strands of wet, dark seaweed. This seaweed is unusual. It shouldn’t be here.
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o The Mississippi doesn’t have this kind of seaweed.
o It hints that the boat at something unnatural going on.
• What It Leads To?
o Sets up the Revenant Queen’s influence over the river—the first suggestion that the river itself is working against them.
o The audience wants to know why the river is behaving this way.
2. Clue: Tendrils of Mud Pulling a Crewman Under
• What Demands It?
o The audience already suspects something is wrong with the river (from the seaweed).
o A crewman is sent to clear the paddlewheel but tendrils of mud and water pull him under the water.
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o It proves something lurks beneath the water, but we don’t know what yet.
o Is it a creature? A ghost? A force of nature?
• What It Leads To?
o Urgency increases—is the boat itself cursed?
o The characters must look into the boat’s past to explain the supernatural attack.

3. Clue: The Riverboat is Cursed—Terrible Things Happened Aboard
• What Demands It?
o A crew member whispering to Samson that the riverboat is cursed:
 “We never should have taken this route. This boat is cursed.”
o When pressed, the crew refuses to talk—suggesting fear and superstition.
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o Now, both the crew and the audience want to know: what happened here?
o A cursed boat means a history of horror—but what exactly?
• What It Leads To?
o The gambler and Lilith must find records, old stories, or people who know the truth.

4. Clue: Men Watching the Women Dance & Discussing Who Wants Whom
• What Demands It?
o A dancer goes missing.
o The captain believes she is probably with one of his rich men. Lillith knows that can’t be true.
o Meanwhile, the rich men continue their drunken discussions of who they’ll “take.”
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o At first, it seems harmless, but once a girl disappears, the audience realizes this isn’t just talk.
o Now, the audience wants to know what happened to the dancer.
• What It Leads To?
o Someone needs to check below deck.

5. Clue: Death of the Rich Men
• What Demands It?
o The audience is suspicious of the missing dancer—then all of the wealthy buyers are found dead.
o They drowned in a locked room while conducting the auction.
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o Now we have a murder mystery.
o What killed them? How did all that water and mud get in there. Why are all the fixtures rusted?
o The audience demands to know what is happening and if this is connected to the missing dancer.
• What It Leads To?
o The boat is going to return to dock.

6. Clue: The Attack on Samson While He Frees the Snag
• What Demands It?
o The boat is caught on something underwater.
o The captain orders Samson to go free the snag.
o The audience knows something supernatural is in the river, so there’s high tension.
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o What is under the water?
o The Revenant Queen’s power is expanding—what will she do next?
• What It Leads To?
o Further proof that the monster isn’t random—it has an agenda.
o The audience wants to know what it is.

7. Clue: Fog Rolls In Smelling of Rot
• What Demands It?
o After the attack on Samson, the fog closes in.
o It smells of decay, and whispers echo through it.
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o Is the monster moving with the fog?
o The voices aren’t just random—they are pleading, crying, and accusing.
o The audience demands to know whose voices these are.
• What It Leads To?
o The is filled with the voices of the women who died with her. They are calling out their names so they won’t be forgotten.

8. Clue: Bonnie Lou Has a Liaison with Cassius & Is Killed by the Revenant Queen
What Demands It?
• A dancer has already disappeared, but the rich men act like nothing is wrong.
• Bonnie Lou seems unconcerned—maybe she knows something.
• She sneaks into Cassius’ cabin, where they make love and he makes her promises he has not intention of keeping. He assures her:
o “You and I, we know how to pick the right side.”
Why Does This Create Demand?
• What is the right side Bonnie Lou has picked?
• Is Bonnie Lou betraying her friends in some way?
What It Leads To?
• This sets Bonnie Lou up to be the next victim.

9. Clue: Bonnie Lou is Killed by the Revenant Queen

What Demands It?
• Bonnie Lou confidently leaves Cassius’ cabin, thinking she is on the winning side.
• But she is a traitor and needs to be killed
Why Does This Create Demand?
• The Revenant Queen hasn’t fully revealed herself yet—this is the first extended interaction.
• Bonnie Lou is why is the monster targeting her now?
• The audience demands to know what Bonnie Lou was caught up in. Was she killed because she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time? Was it a moral statement about sex? Or was it about whatever Cassius referred to earlier?
What It Leads To?
• This raises the stakes—now, no one is safe.
• The audience need to know: How does the monster choose its victims? What does it want?

10. Clue: Lilith Discovers All the Girls Are Missing

What Demands It?
• The Dancers don’t show up for rehearsal. Lillith has a bad feeling about this.
• The gambler notices the halls are too quiet, and the usual laughter and conversation from the girls’ quarters is missing.
• Lilith and Quinn checks the rooms. Empty.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• Bonnie Lou was killed. Are they all dead now?
• The audience demands to know where the women are—and if they’re still alive.

What It Leads To?
• Lillith’s determination to call out the monster with her witchcraft.
• Quinn is both skeptical and thinking this isn’t a good idea.

11. The Girls Are Locked in Cages Below Deck—Jonas Is Their Keeper
• What Demands It?
o Jonas leads us to a secret room below decks.
o We find all the girls in changes.
o We find the missing dancers—locked in cages.
o Jonas suggests Lillith will be joining them soon
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o The audience demands to know why the are locked up
o Will they get Lillith?
o What about the monster. These girls can’t run if it finds them.
• What It Leads To?
o Jonas going off to kidnap Lillith

12. Clue: Lillith calls the monster through her spell.
• What Demands It?
o The missing girls are Lillith’s motivation. She wants to know what the monster wants.
o The pentagram can’t hold the amorphous shape of the monster. It escapes and comes toward Lilith
o It doesn’t attack. It reaches out and touches her Locket.
o Quinn attacks
o Quinn flees from the monster. Knocks over salt. The monster retreats
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o What is Lilith’s connection to the monster?
o The audience now realizes this is personal.
• What It Leads To?
o Lilith must reveal her family history.
o We now know the monster has a weakness – salt

13. Clue: Lilith Reveals Her History to Quinn

What Demands It?
• The Revenant Queen has reacted to Lilith’s locket, as if recognizing it.
• The fog has been whispering names, but no one understands why.
• Quinn has been pushing for answers—why is Lilith really here?
• Quinn confronts Lilith in her cabin:
o “You know something, don’t you? This isn’t just business for you. This is personal.”
• Lilith hesitates, then finally unlocks her trunk.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• What does Lilith know that she hasn’t said?
• Why does the Revenant Queen recognize her?
• Are the women from the newspaper articles the same ones haunting the boat?
• The audience demands to know if Lilith is connected to the monster—or if she’s in danger from it.

What It Leads To?
• Lilith pulls out her locket—inside is a photo of her grandmother and a lock of her hair.
• She spreads newspaper clippings across the bed—articles about a “disaster” on this very boat decades ago.
• Quinn skims the pages, then freezes.
o The names in the articles are the same ones the fog has been whispering.
• Lilith’s voice trembles as she says:
o “My grandmother was on this boat the night it disappeared. She was never seen again.”
o “I came here to find out what happened to her… and all the others.”
• Quinn exhales sharply.
o “Lilith… I think we just found them.”
• Now, the audience demands to know—will the Revenant Queen see Lilith as an enemy… or as family?
•
14. Clue: Jonas is Killed by the Revenant Queen (Unseen by Lilith & Quinn)

What Demands It?
• Lilith and Quinn are deep in conversation, uncovering the truth about her past and the Revenant Queen’s victims.
• As they piece together the ship’s history, the whispers in the fog, and the missing girls, one urgent question remains:
o “Where are the girls now?”
• The audience knows that Jonas is the only one who knows.
• Meanwhile, Jonas is looking for Lillith. He confronts her and Quinn.
• Jonas bursts into the room to kidnap Lillith
• The monster comes up behind him and embraces him. When it lets go, he is covered in leeches which suck him dry. The leeches fall off his desiccated corpse, then begin to explode, spreading blood everywhere. The monster with draws.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The audience knows Jonas holds the key to the hidden room.

What It Leads To?
• The audience wonders how they will find the girls in the hidden room.
• The audience is also getting the idea that this monster is out for revenge or something other than just killing what comes in it’s path.
• Quinn and Lillith splitting up. Lillith looking for the girls and Quinn going to Cassius cabin.

10. Clue: The Auction Ledger—Cassius’ Full Guilt Revealed
• What Demands It?
o We discover that Cassius was conducting an auction, auctioning the dancers and Lillith to the highest bidder (all of who are dead now)
o He also finds Cassius’ grandfather ledger and realizes that Lillith’s grandmother and the other women were auctioned off as well.
o He finds a set of keys
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o Is The monster after all the traffickers? Is Cassius next?
o Where is Cassius and what is he doing now?
o Is Lillith in danger from him.
• What It Leads To?
o A confrontation with Quinn and Lillith
o The final confrontation—the monster’s revenge.
o Keys to the girls cages
o
15. Clue: The Revenant Queen Finds Lilith and Chases Her Below Deck

What Demands It?
• Just when we thought Lillith was safe from the monster, it’s now after her.
• We are going below decks to where the girls are in a hidden room
• We discover another way to thwart the monster. Now we have two ways and we have hope for survival.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The Revenant Queen has never moved this aggressively before.
• Why is she after Lilith now?
• The audience demands to know—will Lilith survive, or is she the next victim?

What It Leads To?

• Lillith is able to hide from the monster.
• When the monster breaks down the door to the hidden room, Lillith hears her girls screaming
• Lillith finds a torch and a way to light it. She goes after the monster with the torch. The monster flees.
• Lillith finds the girls, but has no key to the cages.

16. Clue: The Captain Tries to Escape, but the Boat Devours Him

What Demands It?
• Cassius is still in control—but not for long.
• The Captain has seen the Revenant Queen kill.
• He knows what’s coming.
• He isn’t waiting to find out if he’s next.
• Cassius wants to get on the Rowboat with the Captain, but the Captain salutes and rows away.
• The rowboat turns into a living being (part of the monster) and devours him.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The Captain was part of the original crime.
• The audience knows he deserves to die—but how will it happen?
• Does he think he can outrun the river itself?

What It Leads To?
• The audience now has the satisfaction of knowing the bad guy just had a gruesome death.
• The audience demands to know—who’s next?

17. Clue: Samson Climbs Back Aboard

What Demands It?
• The heroes are running out of time.
• The Revenant Queen is stronger than ever.
• They need help.
• We need a good resurrection of a good guy.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• Samson was lost earlier in the film.
• The audience thought he was dead—how did he survive?
• Will he turn the tide of the fight, or is he too late?

What It Leads To?
• How did Samson survive? Why did he survive? What is he going to do now?

18. Clue: Quinn & Lilith Confront Cassius; He Denies Everything Until Quinn Throws the Ledger at Him

What Demands It?
• The evidence is undeniable.
• The girls are locked up, the buyers are dead.
• Cassius is the last loose end.
• The Revenant Queen has taken her vengeance on the worst offenders

Why Does This Create Demand?
• Cassius has been untouchable until now.
• The audience needs to see him answer for his and his grandfather’s crimes.
• Will he break, or will he fight?

What It Leads To?
• An epic confrontation with the monster.

19. Clue: The Monster Arrives; Cassius Tries to Sacrifice Lilith

What Demands It?
• Cassius is cornered.
• The Revenant Queen is coming.
• He has one last, desperate move.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The audience demands to know—will Cassius actually get away?
• Will the Revenant Queen let him live if he gives her Lilith?

What It Leads To?
• Quinn is knocked out.
• Cassius grabs Lilith, shoving her forward.
o “This is what you want, isn’t it?”
• The Revenant Queen halts.
• The audience demands to know—will she take the deal? Or will she take her revenge?

21.Clue: Samson Comes in With a Torch and Kills the Monster

What Demands It?
• The Revenant Queen hesitated.
• Lilith was moments from being taken.
• The heroes needed a way to stop her.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The audience demands to know if fire is enough to stop her for good.
• Is the nightmare finally over?

What It Leads To?
• Samson bursts in, torch in hand.
• Flames arc through the air, striking the monster.
• The Revenant Queen howls, her body melting into the deck like burning wax.
• Nothing remains but a puddle of thick, black mud.
• The audience exhales—but is it truly over?

22.Clue: Cassius Recovers His Gun and Holds It on Them

What Demands It?
• The monster is dead (or so they think).
• The human villain is still standing.
• Cassius is not done fighting. He always gets what he wants.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• Will he kill them and escape?
• The audience demands to know who gets the final justice—man or monster?

What It Leads To?
• Cassius grabs his gun, leveling it at Lilith and Quinn.
o “I should’ve shot you both earlier.”
• The audience demands to know—will they make it out alive?

23. Clue: The Monster is Resurrected (A Thin Line of Watery Mud Runs Into the River)

What Demands It?
• Cassius believes he won.
• The Revenant Queen should be gone.
• But something moves—just barely.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The audience sees it before the characters.
• Is she coming back? Is it for Cassius, or for all of them?

What It Leads To?
• A thin line of black mud slithers toward the edge of the boat.
• It reaches the water—and disappears.
• The audience demands to know—what happens now?

24. Clue: The Monster Kills Cassius

What Demands It?
• Cassius still has the gun.
• He’s ready to end this.
• But the river has other plans.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• Does Cassius get away, or does the river take what it is owed?
• The audience demands to see true justice.

What It Leads To?
• Cassius smirks, stepping forward—gun aimed, finger tightening on the trigger.
• The Revenant Queen rises up behind him, injects him with water, and he explodes.

25. Clue: The Monster Turns into a Pretty Woman Who Looks Like Lilith, Then Dissolves

What Demands It?
• Cassius is gone.
• The revenge is complete.
• But something is still here.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The audience demands to know—what is the Revenant Queen now?
• Is she at peace, or is she something else?

What It Leads To?
• A figure stands where Cassius fell.
• Not a monster, not mud—just a woman.
• She looks like Lilith.
• She smiles—soft, sad.
• Then—she dissolves into water, slipping back into the river.
• Is she finally free, or will she continue to haunt the waters of the Mississippi?
•
26.Clue: The Fog Dissipates. The Snag Lets Go of the Boat.

What Demands It?
• The battle is over.
• The river is silent.
• The boat has been trapped this whole time—but why?

Why Does This Create Demand?
• Was the ship being held until justice was served?
• The audience demands to know if this nightmare is truly over.

What It Leads To?
• The fog begins to lift.
• The air feels lighter.
• The boat shudders—then drifts forward, finally free.
• Lilith exhales.
o “It’s over.”
• The audience finally breathes—justice has been served.

[Patricia Semler]

Pat’s Monster Reveal
What I learned doing this assignment is to work through frustration with this piece by piece Lego building method of creation. Layering each section into the previous work, for me, makes a mess of sometimes repetitive notes.

A. Who is your monster and what is their terror?
Esperanza Montenegro, a Cuban midwife, herbalist and Santeria priestess. Her spirit is bound to the house for “depredations” and witchcraft.
Powers – Having been close to nature all her normal life, she can possess and manipulate any plant or inanimate object. She also has a hypnotic voice and lures her victims to their death.

Limitations – She’s spellbound to the house itself by the witchy bundle built by her acolytes under duress.

Weaknesses – Her power extends partially over the grounds around the house, but not past the stream. Extended defiance can break her spell.

Plan/Purpose/Appetite- She will have her revenge on all despoilers of her property, the church elders for being two-faced and men in general.

B. Sequence the reveals.
Opening/prologue: Esperanza orchestrates the ruin of a local rich boy after he rapes her daughter. She’s bound to the house by townsfolk who force her priestesses to trap her. She whispers her defiance and curses the house as she dies.

During 1st Act: Foreshadowing as clues
Developers are plagued with multiple accidents working around the house. A brick or façade work from the roof nearly hits Ivan as he argues with the town mayor.

Once the class gets to work, one boy nearly skids off the roof.
The librarian turning over historical diaries dies taking out the bridge access.

1st Act turning point: Characters are locked into horror

they arrive at the house to find the construction workers have been pulled. They have the weekend to themselves with chancy cell service, no electricity or running water. Whispers follow them around the rooms. Things move of their own accord. Accidents add up.

1st half of 2nd Act: The monster is present, but hidden
Bloody Mary conceit reveals witch to Dahlia but no one else. She digs into diaries to find any information on the past occupants.

Midpoint: Monster is worse than we thought
One boy goes missing when he’s lured to the basement and killed.

2nd half of 2nd Act: Monster pursuing / attacking characters, delivering clues with each attack
Franklin falls off the roof. The witch has full possession of the house and is learning quickly how to use machines and tools against the intruders.

3rd Act: Characters solve the puzzle and fight back, apparently killing monster
Dahlia finds fractured history of Esperanza and her troubles with the church. Johnny Ray tries a half-assed exorcism, gets himself killed.
Dahlia pieces together enough of the spell used to bind her to cover the remaining kids escape.

Resolution: Survivors live…but somehow, the monster is still alive for the sequel.
Dahlia’s bumbling efforts with the spellcraft take a sudden turn to effectiveness when she sheds her own blood on Mika’s baby sister’s booties and succeeds in binding Esperanza once again. But, she’s trapped in the house as well.

[Ira Drower]

I Lewis Drower’s Monster Reveal Track

What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of sequencing the monster reveal and the clues. This technique enhances the terror and increases the monster’s intrigue.

A. Who is monster and what is their terror? All vegetation, grass, trees, bushes, plants are the monsters the audience and teens see. Their terror is that some grow to dangerous proportions during the blood-red moon, and all attack the teens using their branches, spikes, stickers, creeping vines, etc.
B. The hidden monster controlling the plants and campsite is the former operator and Gardener of Mystic Gardens Camp. She unleashes her power through the ground to all the plants.
Powers: The plants undergo transformations during the night of the blood-red moon. The trees begin to sway and use their branches as clubs; their sap grows hot and scalds. The plants become aggressive and carnivorous attacking the teens with large spikes, sharp teeth, extending vines, and grass blades that cut. Some of the teens are transformed into half-plant, half monsters that also attack relentlessly without mercy. Plants like the Pitcher plant and Venus Flytrap grow to enormous dimensions capturing and dissolving prey or people.
Powers: The power of the Gardener, Miss Marie is she controls the earth she is buried in. She can move within the ground and appear to inject the teens with a solution that changes them into monstrous plants under her control. She can make the trees sway and pummel; the plants pull their roots out and become mobile to attack the teens.
Limitations: Powers are enhanced during the Blood-Red Moon. Only active within the campgrounds.
Weaknesses: Area restricted – powers are limited to camp grounds. The blood-red moon is the catalyst for the plants to morph into monsters. Part of the grounds are protected from the Gardener but not her creations. Creatures can be stopped with hot water, salt, or fire.
Plan/Purpose/Appetite: Giant killer plants are carnivorous and mobile. Gardener wants to restock her garden with her new creations of plants made from the visiting teens. She represents Mother Nature and her purpose is to solve the problem of the unwanted youth in the world by converting them into a plant.
C. Sequence of Reveals:
Opening/Prologue: Show the mystery of the monster.
Lake plant monster takes down one gang member. Shadowy figure injects the other.

During First Act: Foreshadowing as they discuss their old camp
A group of teens discuss seeing the Caretaker from their former gardening camp. The rumor was he cut the Master Gardener, Marie in two and planted her in her own garden.

First Act Turning Point: Teens decide to spend last weekend of the summer at the camp.
None of the teens can remember anything about the camp but decide to go anyways. They are warned of thunderstorms and lack of cell service in the area. They might get stuck.

1st Half of 2nd Act: Monster is present but hidden.
The teens arrive and immediately start to clean up the area and main cabin with old bunks. They find remnants of squatters, the pot growers, as the main cabin appears to be lived in. Finding an old cell phone the teens charge it up and view the videos taken by the squatters. The size and shapes of the plants in the videos get mostly laughs from the group. Skeeter takes it seriously.

The plants in Marie’s personal garden seem to enjoy the group’s attention as the teens weed and prune.

A Lake Plant follows Becky, an avid swimmer, as she swims in the lake.

Midpoint: Monster is worse than we thought
The trees and bushes begin to sway. When the bold-red moon rises in the sky, all the plants attack the teens at once. The blades of grass cut the teens feet and ankles, the trees sway and use their branches as clubs, the bushes grow long spikes to whack the teens, the vines extend and grab victims, some of the plants grow to enormous size while others grow fang-like extensions.
Becky steps on a plant that almost bites her ankle in two.

2nd Half of 2nd Act: Monster pursuing/attacking/characters, delivering clues with each attack
Retreating to the cabin after pulling Becky from the carnivorous plant, the group is licking their wounds wondering what is going on. The plants begin to pull their roots from the ground and become mobile.

Diane is attacked by creeping vines coming up between the floorboards. Startled, Leah spills some hot water on it causing the vine to whither.

The vines wrapped around their vehicles preventing them from moving and the teens escaping.

The Caretaker shows up capturing and tying up some of the teens in the nearby tool shed. Miss Marie emerges from the dirt floor of the shed and injects one teen.

Jack is turned into a half Venus Flytrap, half cape sundew. Sticky retractable tongue with fly-trap hands brandishing 4” spikes.

A Cartel Gang breaks into the cabin in search of their pot grower friends.

The remaining teens are freed and return with a chain saw, shears, bags of salt, and pesticide sprays.

3rd Act: Characters Solve the Puzzle and fight back, apparently killing the monster
Rob tries using the pesticide on the plants with mixed results. Leah and Becky spray them with hot water which causes plants to recede. Rob drops a candle starting a fire. Fire is effective against the plants, but they will die too. Grace puts out the fire using an old water-type extinguisher left on site.

Skeeter mixes the salt with the water from the old fire extinguisher and uses it effectively against the plants. The survivors make a run for Jack’s car using the salt-water extinguisher to keep the plants at bay and chain saw to remove the vines holding the car in place.

The fire extinguisher with salt-water runs dry. The group returns to the cabin. Skeeter comes up with a plan to use the salt and the water tower on site to spray the plants.

Resolution: Survivors live…but somehow, the monster is still alive for the sequel
Skeeter, Diane, Leah, and Grace dump the salt into the water tower to fend off the attacking plants.
The Gardener, Miss Marie, reaches her hand up through the dirt and grabs onto Grace. Grace becomes possessed by Miss Marie.

Skeeter and Diane survive, Grace petitions the state to reopen Mystic Gardens Gardening Camp for the Underprivileged.

Act 1 Reveals:
Interest/Need: Intrigue- Why are the Cartel pot growers shooting randomly at no one?
Monster Reveal: The trees and bushes sway and heave in an exaggerated movement while water plants shoot out their leaves like the tentacles of some spasdic squid. The shadow of an unknown entity appears to grow from the ground.
Interest/Need: Curiosity- Group of teens desires to relive fun summer camp. Discuss rumors of the Caretaker dismembering and burying his wife in the garden. He then disappeared.
Monster Reveal: Rumors about the Caretaker capable of killing his wife.
Interest/Need: Curiosity – They want to return to campsite to jog their dormant memories.
Monster Reveal: The group views the Caretaker as the monster.

Act 2 Reveals:
Interest/Need: Discovery Teens feel need to clean up weeds and trim plants in Marie’s Garden at the camp site.
Monster Reveal: Plants in garden respond to pruning and weeding by touching group gently.
Interest/Need: Figure out Mystery – Group discovers remains of drug growers and cell phone video.
Monster Reveal – Find cell phone with footage of monster carnivorous plants. Plants are not in the garden shed where they were filmed.
Interest/Need: Suspense: Becky, an avid swimmer, is followed by unseen Lake monster as the sun sets.
Monster Reveal – Lake contains monstrous plant with long leaves. Misses Becky. Ground plant bites Becky’s leg. Carnivorous Plants attack group.
Interest/Need: Terror: Blood-Red Moon – plants rise up and attack. Gardener wants revenge for cleaning up wife’s garden. Apprehension: How to defend against the Gardener and his creatures.
Monster Reveal: Plant monsters pull themselves up from ground, grow to giant proportions, grow enlarged spikes, extensions, etc.
Interest/Need: Paranoia: Group needs to escape danger and save Becky. Need to know dangers each plant possesses.
Monster Reveal: Plant creatures attack group. Some larger and more mobile. Group takes yard tools to fight back. Search for better weapon.
Interest/Need: Discovery – grass, trees branches, bushes all move and sway. Discover good and bad plants exist in different parts of the camp.
Interest/Need: Apprehension: Teens retreat to storage shed. Dirt floor.
Monster reveal – Caretaker appears from ground and kidnaps teens to make more plant monsters. Jack was converted to one.
Interest/Need: Conflict: How to save Other teens. Stage a rescue. Rob is caught in plant trap.
Monster Reveal: Carnivorous plants can attack and eat people. This one swallowed Rob whole.
Interest/Need: Terror – Jack attacks group as a plant monster. More monsters attack cabin. Need to discover their weaknesses and what deadly mechanisms they possess
Monster Reveal: Creeping vines, shooting spikes, whipping trees and bushes beat on cabin. Monster plants attack other side of garden.
Interest/Need: Conflict: artel gang member enters cabin. Need to work with him.
Monster reveal: Plants attack and kill gang member. Caretaker reappears for vengeance.
Interest/Need: Discovery: saltwater stops plants. Add to Water tower tank which is then used to hose down the carnivorous creatures. Cartel member starts fire to burn camp and gardens to ground.
Act 3 Reveals:
Monster Reveal: Cartel member attacked by his brother who is one of the pot growers transformed into a carnivorous plant.
Interest/Need: Terror – Leah is attacked by a water plant inside the water tank.
Monster Reveal: A water plant inside the tank has stinging tentacles and vines that grab and pull prey under water to drown.
Interest/Need: Terror: Miss Marie grabs Grace’s hand and possesses her.
Monster Reveal: See a hand breaking through the dirt in her garden and transfer her spirit into Grace

[Sophia Lee]

Sophia’s Monster Reveal Track (#7, 2/10/25)

What I learned during this assignment – it’s continuing to build the story, layer by layer.

ARCANE

Was unable to watch The Thing, but did watch the new horror film Companion (which was good) while being aware of these guidelines.

A. who is my monster? Arcane. A beautiful wealthy philanthropist who is set on fire by her husband’s mistress, as they are all part of the same elite circle wherein they blackmail each other to have something on the other to build their collective empires.

Her limitations and weaknesses? She’s human. Her wit, imagination, deception and revenge can take her only so far.

Her plan is to make it seem like the mistress is the one killing everyone so she loses everything.

We don’t find out until the very end that it is really Arcane, who survived the burns and with surgery has been able to recreate her identity. But, the TWIST – a third person kills Arcane as she has to make sure everyone is killed off in order to be let into another more elite group.

[updated outline with the above]

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Monster Reveal Track

What I learned doing this assignment is that this is the most difficult part having two people ostensibly playing the monster without one knowing that he is actually the monster – but everyone only sees the monster and the dad is actually is also being injured by the monster but it’s really himself that’s doing it.
I’m keeping lots of horror situtaions in the outline – not sure how many I’ll use down the line

ACT 1
Opening/prologue: Start the mystery of the monster by showing us the result of their violence.
Atmosphere of Evil established: Open on unknown girl being dragged into the basement by faceless/masked man and shackled in the dark

Friends and Claire arrive at the family ranch and decide to have a party and go swimming / croquet / volleyball
Claire’s father arrives. Claire grabs Marcus to hide the fact that Tasha is her girlfriend.
The Barn Punishment (Psychological & Physical Torture)
• During 1st Act: Foreshadowing as clues
Monster appears in window to watch them playing.
Father tells Claire he wants everyone OUT and she refuses. He wasn’t expected and it’s her house too. Stop bossing her around. (He might be trying to save her – hard to know)
Later they are playing around and Jordan goes to his room to get the pipe and some pot and the monster comes out of the shadows and head locks him and pulls him away.
Character Death 1: Jordan
WHY: Sarcastic, doesn’t believe Father is as intense as he comes off and makes sarcastic jokes
HOW: The Colonel/Monster forces Jordan outside in the dead of night, stripping him down to his underwear and tying him to a post in the freezing barn. The Colonel whispers in his ear: “Disobedience must be corrected.”
REACTION: No one knows what happened to him. He’s gone in the morning. They assume he just took off cause of the pressure.
2. The “Cleanse” (Waterboarding with a Sinister Twist)
Character Death: Jude/ Black, non-binary, Claire’s best friend
WHY: Trigger: Jude kisses their boyfriend/girlfriend by the fire.
HOW: The Colonel /Monster believes in “purification” and forces Jude into an old, water-filled livestock trough, holding their head under while calmly instructing them to “repent.” The others scream, helpless.
1st Act turning point: Characters are locked into horror
Sargeant yells at Claire and Marcus, her supposed boyfriend defends her and makes her him stop only to have the Sargeant slam him against the wall and get in his face. “I told her to get you all out of here but she won’t listen anymore, and I can’t stop it from happening.” “What???” “This place isn’t friendly”

REACTION: Escalation: Just before Jude drowns, the Colonel stops, letting them gasp for air. He coldly warns: “Love should be clean, not indulgent.” The implication is clear—next time, he won’t stop.
They hear screams. Catch sight of the monster. Jude is unconscious. they know something is going on. They need to stick together.
The father says they can’t leave. It’s booby trapped. He’s a paranoid schizophrenic and they’re catching on to the fact that he has something to do with this. DO THEY SEE THE MONSTER?
They’re trapped with nowhere to go. Stuck and scared
ACT 2
• 1st half of 2nd Act: The monster is present, but hidden
Sargeant sees the monster staring at the friends and he goes after it but it eludes him. He searches everywhere and it drags him back to his room. Military dress, mask, strong arms him and Sargeant can’t do any but get dragged away.

3. The Obedience Drill (Military Training Turned Torture)
Victim: Tasha
WHY: Sargeant watches his monitors and see Tasha kissing Claire. Tasha tries to escape in the night. He drugs her – the monster takes over.
HOW: The Colonel catches her and forces her into a brutal, impossible obstacle course in the dark. She must crawl through barbed wire, climb an electrified fence, and sprint through an open field while dodging rifle shots at her feet. Escalation: If she fails, the Colonel forces her to watch a live-feed of her captured friends being punished, ensuring she follows orders.
REACTION: Everyone knows they’re trapped now and frantic to get out.
4. The Sermon Room (Mind-Breaking Isolation)
Victim: Marcus
WHY: Marcus defends Claire and refuses to kneel when ordered.
HOW: The Colonel locks Marcus in a pitch-black soundproof room with only a speaker playing old recordings of his sermons: “Obedience is strength. Disobedience is sin.”
Escalation: The darkness warps his mind. The whispers in the recording start to distort—Marcus hears his own father’s voice, his own self-doubts, his worst memories. It’s not just discipline—it’s psychological warfare.
REACTION: Everyone is looking for him. They know they’re trapped with no way out.

• Midpoint: Monster is worse than we thought
He hears them all laughing and joking. As one goes to the bathroom the Monster comes out of the shadows with a hunting knife. “WTF man” blocks the door, guts him. Wraps him in shower curtain. Drags him off.
Sargeant sits in his office, smokes a cigar and drinks bourbon. The monster hides in the corner. Watches. Does he tell him to do things yet? Sargeant is at its mercy.
5. The Silent Hunt (Prey vs. Predator)
Victim: The entire group
Trigger: They attempt to escape through the woods.
HOW: The Colonel cuts the ranch floodlights, leaving them in total darkness. Then, he starts hunting them.
Escalation: He whistles an eerie military cadence, his voice echoing. He taunts them over the loudspeakers: “You think you’re free? Run. Let’s see how far you get.”
Twist: He’s set silent traps—bear traps, tripwires, and hidden pits filled with sharpened bones from past victims.
6. The Confessional (Forced Confessions & Electric Torture)
Victim: Claire
WHY: Claire finally challenges the Colonel’s authority when he accused her of being a lesbian.
HOW: The Colonel straps Claire to an antique electric chair in the basement, forcing her to confess her “sins” while slowly increasing the voltage.
Escalation: He doesn’t ask about escaping—he demands she admit her queerness is a mistake. The true horror isn’t just the pain—it’s that Claire’s own father wants her to erase herself.
REACTION: She refuses to give in even if it kills her. Everyone is looking for her.

2nd half of 2nd Act: Monster pursuing / attacking characters, delivering clues with each attack
Sargeant admits that monster has been in the house for years. Generations. He’s grown up with it and it won’t let any intruders out alive.

7. The Scapegoat Execution (A Friend is Forced to Kill Another) – after Colonel sees them make out…
Victim: Ryan and Marcus
WHY: The group refuses to obey a command.
HOW: The Colonel drags Ryan and Marcus into the yard and places a loaded rifle between them. He tells Marcus: “Kill him, or I kill you both.”
Escalation: If Marcus refuses, the Colonel shoots Ryan himself—then hands the gun to Marcus for the next round. The horror isn’t just the death—it’s forcing a friend to become a killer.
ACT 3 –
FIGHTING, RESSURECTION – ULTIMATE FIGHT
DISCOVERS KATIE – EX GIRLFRIEND SHE THOUGHT GHOSTED HER

3rd Act: Characters solve the puzzle and fight back, apparently killing monster
They realize that her father is the monster before he does. When they injure the monster and her father shows up with the injury/blood. They check the video footage and actually see him harming himself – no monster and Claire realizes he’s insane.
So they have to trick him and escape before he kills them all.
Not sure how many horror situations will stay in the final draft but they are here as place holders –
THE MAIN PUZZLE WILL BE THE REVEAL THAT THE DAD/SARGEANT IS THE MONSTER AND IF THEY SUBDUE ONE THEY SUBDUE THE OTHER

8. The Branding Ritual (Scarring for Obedience)
Victim: Jude
Trigger: They talk back after the Colonel misgenders them.
Horror: The Colonel ties Jude down and heats a branding iron, saying: “If you don’t know who you are, let me brand you with what you really are: disobedient.”
Escalation: The brand is shaped like a Bible verse—a permanent scar of religious control. But before he presses it down, the lights flicker, and he hesitates—his own demons surfacing.
9. The Mirror Punishment (Forcing the Colonel to Face Himself)
Victim: The Colonel himself (Unintentional Horror)
Trigger: The group finds his hidden past—his love letters and old photos of a male lover.
Horror: Ryan and Claire throw the old letters at him, forcing him to read them aloud. His repression breaks into pure rage.
Escalation: He begins self-harming, scratching at his own skin, screaming that it’s a lie. The monster isn’t just external—it’s inside him, eating him alive.
10. The Final Act: The Boiling Room (Transformation into the True Monster)
Victim: The Colonel
Trigger: The group finally turns the tables.
Horror: The group traps the Colonel in the basement boiler room, where the heat warps his mind. He finally sees himself in the mirror—and sees the monster.
Escalation: His hallucinations intensify. He sees the ghost of his former lover. He screams, attacking his own reflection. His body contorts in the heat, his mind fully broken.
Climax: Instead of dying, he locks himself inside, embracing the flames rather than face the truth of what he is. His final words are not of rage, but of regret: “I could have been free.”
A Villain Who Breaks Himself: The Colonel isn’t just destroyed by the group—he’s destroyed by the truth he tried to bury.
1. The Forced Dinner (Eating with the Dead)
Victim: The whole group
Trigger: The group refuses to sit for dinner after the first punishment.
Horror: The Colonel drags them back to the table, force-feeding them while a rotting corpse sits at the head of the table—the mummified remains of a past victim who “didn’t obey.”
Escalation: He speaks to the corpse as if it were still alive, saying: “Unlike you, these kids think they can disobey me.”
Reaction: Claire vomits, Jude starts crying, and Ryan tries to flip the table but gets pistol-whipped.
2. The “Brotherhood” Ritual (Psychosexual Horror)
Victim: Marcus
Trigger: Marcus refuses to hit another friend as ordered.
Horror: The Colonel forces Marcus into an old military-style initiation, stripping him to his underwear, smearing mud on his face, and whispering: “You need to be made into a real man.”
Escalation: He caresses Marcus’s face but instantly recoils in disgust, breathing heavily as though fighting himself. Then, enraged, he forces Marcus to kneel at gunpoint, screaming, “Say you’re weak!”
Reaction: Marcus starts hyperventilating, realizing the Colonel’s rage is a mask for something even more dangerous.

3. The Gas Mask of Silence (Sensory Deprivation & Horror)
Victim: Jude
Trigger: They scream defiantly at the Colonel.
Horror: The Colonel straps an old military gas mask onto Jude’s face—but blocks the airflow, forcing them to struggle for breath.
Escalation: As they thrash, the Colonel whispers: “You don’t get to speak. You don’t get to exist.” Just before they black out, he removes it, making it clear: “Next time, I don’t take it off.”
Reaction: Jude hyperventilates as soon as it’s removed. Later, they whisper, “He wants to erase us.”
4. The “Hunting Dog” Execution (Turning Victims into Killers)
Victim: Tasha
Trigger: Tasha tries to attack the Colonel with a knife.
Horror: The Colonel breaks her wrist, takes the knife, and hands it to Marcus, ordering him to “prove his loyalty” by stabbing Tasha.
Escalation: If Marcus refuses, the Colonel cuts her himself and hands Marcus the bloody blade.
Reaction: Marcus, sobbing, fakes a stab just to get the Colonel to stop. Later, Tasha whispers, “He’s making us into him.”
5. The Ashes of Sin (Forced Body Horror & Branding)
Victim: Ryan
Trigger: Ryan mocks the Colonel’s rules.
Horror: The Colonel burns a Bible page and forces Ryan to hold the ashes in his mouth, whispering, “Cleanse your filthy soul.”
Escalation: He duct tapes Ryan’s mouth shut and leaves him gagging on the ashes.
Reaction: Ryan convulses and nearly suffocates, later whispering: “He wants us to choke on his rules.”
6. The Flooding Cellar (Drowning & Psychological Horror)
Victim: Claire
Trigger: Claire openly defies him.
Horror: The Colonel locks Claire in a dark basement as water begins flooding in. She must either escape or drown in total darkness.
Escalation: The Colonel speaks over an intercom: “Obedience is breath. Disobedience is drowning.”
Reaction: Claire, gasping, starts hallucinating her mother warning her to escape.
The Mirror Room (Forcing Self-Hatred into the Open)
Victim: The Colonel (Unintentional Horror)
Trigger: The group leaves his old love letters out for him to see.
Horror: He stares at his reflection and sees himself as monstrous—his skin cracked, his younger self begging to be free.
Escalation: He punches the mirror repeatedly until his hands are bleeding, screaming at his reflection, “You are not real!”
Reaction: The group sees this moment and realizes: His worst fear is himself.
8. The Glass Coffin (Being Buried Alive)
Victim: Jude
WHY: They keep fighting back despite torture.
HOW: The Colonel buries Jude alive in a glass box underground, forcing them to stare up at the dirt slowly covering the surface.
Escalation: A small intercom inside plays the Colonel’s voice: “Let the weight of your sins crush you.”
Reaction: The others frantically dig Jude out, but Jude emerges screaming, unable to stop clawing at their own skin.
9. The Branding Iron of Sin (Horrific Public Shame)
Victim: Marcus
WHY: Marcus refuses to denounce his bisexuality.
HOW: The Colonel heats a branding iron with the word “FRAUD” and presses it against Marcus’s chest, declaring: “This is what happens to men who lie to themselves.”
Escalation: If Marcus passes out, the Colonel slaps him awake, forcing him to repeat: “I am a fraud.”
Reaction: Later, Marcus whispers to Claire: “I never hated myself before. He wants me to.”
10. The Final Horror: The Self-Destruction (The Monster’s True Form Emerges)
Victim: The Colonel (Final Transformation)
Trigger: Claire reveals his past love to the others.
Horror: The Colonel physically starts convulsing, his mind breaking. He sees his younger self, and in a terrifying moment of body horror, he scratches his own face raw, screaming, “I will kill this part of me!”
Escalation: Instead of killing Claire, he burns his own skin, trying to “purge” himself.
Reaction: Claire whispers: “You are the real monster. And you’re afraid of yourself.” The Colonel stares at her, terrified—not of her, but of what he’s become

[Deborah Daughetee]

Debbie’s Monster Reveal Track

I learned to go even deeper into my monster to give her some depth and interesting behaviors that will lead to red herrings and real terror.

The Revenant Queen

Powers:
1. Drowning Aura – Creates an oppressive, supernatural force that makes breathing difficult, as if victims are underwater even when they aren’t.
2. Water Manipulation – Controls the river and any water on the boat, allowing her to summon waves, flood rooms, or even make water rise unnaturally to drag victims under.
3. Decay & Corruption – Anything she touches begins to rot, rust, or dissolve, including wood, metal, and flesh. The riverboat slowly falls apart under her influence.
4. Leech Swarm – Her body constantly drips with leeches that feed on the life force of victims, weakening them physically and mentally.
5. Shadowy, Shifting Form – She is never fully solid, constantly shifting between dripping mud, tangled bones, and fragments of the drowned dead.
6. Unnatural Movement – Can emerge from any water source, whether a puddle, a drinking cup, or the river itself.

Limitations:
1. Tied to the River – She cannot stray far from the Mississippi or the water that feeds her. If separated from the river for too long, she weakens.
2. Physical Form is Unstable – Fire, salt, and light can temporarily disrupt her body, forcing her to retreat or lose her ability to manipulate her surroundings.

Weaknesses:
1. Fire & Heat – Her waterlogged, muddy form hardens and cracks under intense heat, making her slow and vulnerable to physical attacks.
2. Salt – Has a purifying effect that repels her and can even cause her form to disintegrate temporarily. A circle of salt may hold her off, but won’t destroy her.

Plan / Purpose / Appetite:
1 Plan: To punish those who repeat the crimes of the past—the traffickers, the buyers, and those complicit in the horrors aboard the riverboat.
2 Purpose: She was betrayed, drowned, and erased from history, and now she exists as an unstoppable force of justice and vengeance. She will not rest until those responsible—or those continuing the cycle—have paid with their lives.
3 Appetite: She does not “feed” in the traditional sense but absorbs pain, fear, and suffering. She can merge victims into her own form, making them part of her tortured existence, their voices forever whispering in the water.

Sequence

1. Seaweed on paddlewheel.
2. Tendrils of mud pulling crewman under.
3. Information that the Riverboat is cursed. Terrible things happened aboard.
4. Men watching the women dancing the cancan and discussing who want whom.
5. Death of rich men.
6. Attack of Samson when he tries to free the snag.
7. Fog rolls in smelling of rot
8. Bonnie Lou has a liaison with Cassius. They discuss the girls and Lillith
9. Bonnie Lou is killed
10. Discover that the girls are now locked below deck in cages. Jonas is their keeper. Next, he is going after Lillith.
11. Monster finds Lillith and Quinn. She stands in front of them, not moving, then a tendril reaches out and lifts Lillith’s locket.
12. Quinn attacks the monster with a chair, but it simply gets absorbed into her body. It turns on Quinn. Quinn scrambles,and ends up spilling some salt on the ground. The Monster hisses and backs away.
13. Monster kills Jonas
14. Lillith explains the locket has a picture of her grandmother and a lock of her hair. She shows newspaper articles of what happened to the Revenant Queen before and reveals that her grandmother disappeared while on the cruise.
15. Quinn breaks into Cassius’ cabin and discovers the ledger and information on the auction.
16. The monster finds the girls in the cages.
17. Lillith finds the girls and the monster. She uses salt to chase the monster away. She tries to free the girls, but needs the key.
18. The captain lowers a hidden rowboat and begins to row toward shore. The boat becomes a part of the monster, and it folds up around him, devouring him.
19. Samson climbs back into the boat.
20. Quinn and Lillith confront Cassius. He denies it until Quinn throws his ledger at him. Cassius says it’s only business, nothing personal.
21. The monster shows up. Cassius tries to sacrifice Lillith to the monster. Samson comes in with a torch and kills the monster. It melts away into the deck and nothing is left but a puddle of mud.
22. Cassius recovers his gun and holds it on them.
23. The monster is resurrected (a thin line of watery mud ran toward the edge of the boat at into the river)
24. The monster kills Cassius.
25. The monster turns into a pretty woman who looks like Lillith. She stands there for a moment, then dissolves into water and mud that runs back into the river and is gone.
26. The fog dissipates. The snag lets go of the boat.

1. Clue: Seaweed on the Paddlewheel
• What Demands It?
o A crewman inspects the paddlewheel and finds it clogged with long strands of wet, dark seaweed. This seaweed is unusual. It shouldn’t be here.
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o The Mississippi doesn’t have this kind of seaweed.
o It hints that the boat at something unnatural going on.
• What It Leads To?
o Sets up the Revenant Queen’s influence over the river—the first suggestion that the river itself is working against them.
o The audience wants to know why the river is behaving this way.
2. Clue: Tendrils of Mud Pulling a Crewman Under
• What Demands It?
o The audience already suspects something is wrong with the river (from the seaweed).
o A crewman is sent to clear the paddlewheel but tendrils of mud and water pull him under the water.
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o It proves something lurks beneath the water, but we don’t know what yet.
o Is it a creature? A ghost? A force of nature?
• What It Leads To?
o Urgency increases—is the boat itself cursed?
o The characters must look into the boat’s past to explain the supernatural attack.

3. Clue: The Riverboat is Cursed—Terrible Things Happened Aboard
• What Demands It?
o A crew member whispering to Samson that the riverboat is cursed:
 “We never should have taken this route. This boat is cursed.”
o When pressed, the crew refuses to talk—suggesting fear and superstition.
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o Now, both the crew and the audience want to know: what happened here?
o A cursed boat means a history of horror—but what exactly?
• What It Leads To?
o The gambler and Lilith must find records, old stories, or people who know the truth.

4. Clue: Men Watching the Women Dance & Discussing Who Wants Whom
• What Demands It?
o A dancer goes missing.
o The captain believes she is probably with one of his rich men. Lillith knows that can’t be true.
o Meanwhile, the rich men continue their drunken discussions of who they’ll “take.”
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o At first, it seems harmless, but once a girl disappears, the audience realizes this isn’t just talk.
o Now, the audience wants to know what happened to the dancer.
• What It Leads To?
o Someone needs to check below deck.

5. Clue: Death of the Rich Men
• What Demands It?
o The audience is suspicious of the missing dancer—then all of the wealthy buyers are found dead.
o They drowned in a locked room while conducting the auction.
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o Now we have a murder mystery.
o What killed them? How did all that water and mud get in there. Why are all the fixtures rusted?
o The audience demands to know what is happening and if this is connected to the missing dancer.
• What It Leads To?
o The boat is going to return to dock.

6. Clue: The Attack on Samson While He Frees the Snag
• What Demands It?
o The boat is caught on something underwater.
o The captain orders Samson to go free the snag.
o The audience knows something supernatural is in the river, so there’s high tension.
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o What is under the water?
o The Revenant Queen’s power is expanding—what will she do next?
• What It Leads To?
o Further proof that the monster isn’t random—it has an agenda.
o The audience wants to know what it is.

7. Clue: Fog Rolls In Smelling of Rot
• What Demands It?
o After the attack on Samson, the fog closes in.
o It smells of decay, and whispers echo through it.
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o Is the monster moving with the fog?
o The voices aren’t just random—they are pleading, crying, and accusing.
o The audience demands to know whose voices these are.
• What It Leads To?
o The is filled with the voices of the women who died with her. They are calling out their names so they won’t be forgotten.

8. Clue: Bonnie Lou Has a Liaison with Cassius & Is Killed by the Revenant Queen
What Demands It?
• A dancer has already disappeared, but the rich men act like nothing is wrong.
• Bonnie Lou seems unconcerned—maybe she knows something.
• She sneaks into Cassius’ cabin, where they make love and he makes her promises he has not intention of keeping. He assures her:
o “You and I, we know how to pick the right side.”
Why Does This Create Demand?
• What is the right side Bonnie Lou has picked?
• Is Bonnie Lou betraying her friends in some way?
What It Leads To?
• This sets Bonnie Lou up to be the next victim.

9. Clue: Bonnie Lou is Killed by the Revenant Queen

What Demands It?
• Bonnie Lou confidently leaves Cassius’ cabin, thinking she is on the winning side.
• But she is a traitor and needs to be killed
Why Does This Create Demand?
• The Revenant Queen hasn’t fully revealed herself yet—this is the first extended interaction.
• Bonnie Lou is why is the monster targeting her now?
• The audience demands to know what Bonnie Lou was caught up in. Was she killed because she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time? Was it a moral statement about sex? Or was it about whatever Cassius referred to earlier?
What It Leads To?
• This raises the stakes—now, no one is safe.
• The audience need to know: How does the monster choose its victims? What does it want?

10. Clue: Lilith Discovers All the Girls Are Missing

What Demands It?
• The Dancers don’t show up for rehearsal. Lillith has a bad feeling about this.
• The gambler notices the halls are too quiet, and the usual laughter and conversation from the girls’ quarters is missing.
• Lilith and Quinn checks the rooms. Empty.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• Bonnie Lou was killed. Are they all dead now?
• The audience demands to know where the women are—and if they’re still alive.

What It Leads To?
• Lillith’s determination to call out the monster with her witchcraft.
• Quinn is both skeptical and thinking this isn’t a good idea.

11. The Girls Are Locked in Cages Below Deck—Jonas Is Their Keeper
• What Demands It?
o Jonas leads us to a secret room below decks.
o We find all the girls in changes.
o We find the missing dancers—locked in cages.
o Jonas suggests Lillith will be joining them soon
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o The audience demands to know why the are locked up
o Will they get Lillith?
o What about the monster. These girls can’t run if it finds them.
• What It Leads To?
o Jonas going off to kidnap Lillith

12. Clue: Lillith calls the monster through her spell.
• What Demands It?
o The missing girls are Lillith’s motivation. She wants to know what the monster wants.
o The pentagram can’t hold the amorphous shape of the monster. It escapes and comes toward Lilith
o It doesn’t attack. It reaches out and touches her Locket.
o Quinn attacks
o Quinn flees from the monster. Knocks over salt. The monster retreats
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o What is Lilith’s connection to the monster?
o The audience now realizes this is personal.
• What It Leads To?
o Lilith must reveal her family history.
o We now know the monster has a weakness – salt

13. Clue: Lilith Reveals Her History to Quinn

What Demands It?
• The Revenant Queen has reacted to Lilith’s locket, as if recognizing it.
• The fog has been whispering names, but no one understands why.
• Quinn has been pushing for answers—why is Lilith really here?
• Quinn confronts Lilith in her cabin:
o “You know something, don’t you? This isn’t just business for you. This is personal.”
• Lilith hesitates, then finally unlocks her trunk.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• What does Lilith know that she hasn’t said?
• Why does the Revenant Queen recognize her?
• Are the women from the newspaper articles the same ones haunting the boat?
• The audience demands to know if Lilith is connected to the monster—or if she’s in danger from it.

What It Leads To?
• Lilith pulls out her locket—inside is a photo of her grandmother and a lock of her hair.
• She spreads newspaper clippings across the bed—articles about a “disaster” on this very boat decades ago.
• Quinn skims the pages, then freezes.
o The names in the articles are the same ones the fog has been whispering.
• Lilith’s voice trembles as she says:
o “My grandmother was on this boat the night it disappeared. She was never seen again.”
o “I came here to find out what happened to her… and all the others.”
• Quinn exhales sharply.
o “Lilith… I think we just found them.”
• Now, the audience demands to know—will the Revenant Queen see Lilith as an enemy… or as family?
•
14. Clue: Jonas is Killed by the Revenant Queen (Unseen by Lilith & Quinn)

What Demands It?
• Lilith and Quinn are deep in conversation, uncovering the truth about her past and the Revenant Queen’s victims.
• As they piece together the ship’s history, the whispers in the fog, and the missing girls, one urgent question remains:
o “Where are the girls now?”
• The audience knows that Jonas is the only one who knows.
• Meanwhile, Jonas is looking for Lillith. He confronts her and Quinn.
• Jonas bursts into the room to kidnap Lillith
• The monster comes up behind him and embraces him. When it lets go, he is covered in leeches which suck him dry. The leeches fall off his desiccated corpse, then begin to explode, spreading blood everywhere. The monster with draws.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The audience knows Jonas holds the key to the hidden room.

What It Leads To?
• The audience wonders how they will find the girls in the hidden room.
• The audience is also getting the idea that this monster is out for revenge or something other than just killing what comes in it’s path.
• Quinn and Lillith splitting up. Lillith looking for the girls and Quinn going to Cassius cabin.

10. Clue: The Auction Ledger—Cassius’ Full Guilt Revealed
• What Demands It?
o We discover that Cassius was conducting an auction, auctioning the dancers and Lillith to the highest bidder (all of who are dead now)
o He also finds Cassius’ grandfather ledger and realizes that Lillith’s grandmother and the other women were auctioned off as well.
o He finds a set of keys
• Why Does This Create Demand?
o Is The monster after all the traffickers? Is Cassius next?
o Where is Cassius and what is he doing now?
o Is Lillith in danger from him.
• What It Leads To?
o A confrontation with Quinn and Lillith
o The final confrontation—the monster’s revenge.
o Keys to the girls cages
o
15. Clue: The Revenant Queen Finds Lilith and Chases Her Below Deck

What Demands It?
• Just when we thought Lillith was safe from the monster, it’s now after her.
• We are going below decks to where the girls are in a hidden room
• We discover another way to thwart the monster. Now we have two ways and we have hope for survival.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The Revenant Queen has never moved this aggressively before.
• Why is she after Lilith now?
• The audience demands to know—will Lilith survive, or is she the next victim?

What It Leads To?

• Lillith is able to hide from the monster.
• When the monster breaks down the door to the hidden room, Lillith hears her girls screaming
• Lillith finds a torch and a way to light it. She goes after the monster with the torch. The monster flees.
• Lillith finds the girls, but has no key to the cages.

16. Clue: The Captain Tries to Escape, but the Boat Devours Him

What Demands It?
• Cassius is still in control—but not for long.
• The Captain has seen the Revenant Queen kill.
• He knows what’s coming.
• He isn’t waiting to find out if he’s next.
• Cassius wants to get on the Rowboat with the Captain, but the Captain salutes and rows away.
• The rowboat turns into a living being (part of the monster) and devours him.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The Captain was part of the original crime.
• The audience knows he deserves to die—but how will it happen?
• Does he think he can outrun the river itself?

What It Leads To?
• The audience now has the satisfaction of knowing the bad guy just had a gruesome death.
• The audience demands to know—who’s next?

17. Clue: Samson Climbs Back Aboard

What Demands It?
• The heroes are running out of time.
• The Revenant Queen is stronger than ever.
• They need help.
• We need a good resurrection of a good guy.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• Samson was lost earlier in the film.
• The audience thought he was dead—how did he survive?
• Will he turn the tide of the fight, or is he too late?

What It Leads To?
• How did Samson survive? Why did he survive? What is he going to do now?

18. Clue: Quinn & Lilith Confront Cassius; He Denies Everything Until Quinn Throws the Ledger at Him

What Demands It?
• The evidence is undeniable.
• The girls are locked up, the buyers are dead.
• Cassius is the last loose end.
• The Revenant Queen has taken her vengeance on the worst offenders

Why Does This Create Demand?
• Cassius has been untouchable until now.
• The audience needs to see him answer for his and his grandfather’s crimes.
• Will he break, or will he fight?

What It Leads To?
• An epic confrontation with the monster.

19. Clue: The Monster Arrives; Cassius Tries to Sacrifice Lilith

What Demands It?
• Cassius is cornered.
• The Revenant Queen is coming.
• He has one last, desperate move.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The audience demands to know—will Cassius actually get away?
• Will the Revenant Queen let him live if he gives her Lilith?

What It Leads To?
• Quinn is knocked out.
• Cassius grabs Lilith, shoving her forward.
o “This is what you want, isn’t it?”
• The Revenant Queen halts.
• The audience demands to know—will she take the deal? Or will she take her revenge?

21.Clue: Samson Comes in With a Torch and Kills the Monster

What Demands It?
• The Revenant Queen hesitated.
• Lilith was moments from being taken.
• The heroes needed a way to stop her.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The audience demands to know if fire is enough to stop her for good.
• Is the nightmare finally over?

What It Leads To?
• Samson bursts in, torch in hand.
• Flames arc through the air, striking the monster.
• The Revenant Queen howls, her body melting into the deck like burning wax.
• Nothing remains but a puddle of thick, black mud.
• The audience exhales—but is it truly over?

22.Clue: Cassius Recovers His Gun and Holds It on Them

What Demands It?
• The monster is dead (or so they think).
• The human villain is still standing.
• Cassius is not done fighting. He always gets what he wants.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• Will he kill them and escape?
• The audience demands to know who gets the final justice—man or monster?

What It Leads To?
• Cassius grabs his gun, leveling it at Lilith and Quinn.
o “I should’ve shot you both earlier.”
• The audience demands to know—will they make it out alive?

23. Clue: The Monster is Resurrected (A Thin Line of Watery Mud Runs Into the River)

What Demands It?
• Cassius believes he won.
• The Revenant Queen should be gone.
• But something moves—just barely.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The audience sees it before the characters.
• Is she coming back? Is it for Cassius, or for all of them?

What It Leads To?
• A thin line of black mud slithers toward the edge of the boat.
• It reaches the water—and disappears.
• The audience demands to know—what happens now?

24. Clue: The Monster Kills Cassius

What Demands It?
• Cassius still has the gun.
• He’s ready to end this.
• But the river has other plans.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• Does Cassius get away, or does the river take what it is owed?
• The audience demands to see true justice.

What It Leads To?
• Cassius smirks, stepping forward—gun aimed, finger tightening on the trigger.
• The Revenant Queen rises up behind him, injects him with water, and he explodes.

25. Clue: The Monster Turns into a Pretty Woman Who Looks Like Lilith, Then Dissolves

What Demands It?
• Cassius is gone.
• The revenge is complete.
• But something is still here.

Why Does This Create Demand?
• The audience demands to know—what is the Revenant Queen now?
• Is she at peace, or is she something else?

What It Leads To?
• A figure stands where Cassius fell.
• Not a monster, not mud—just a woman.
• She looks like Lilith.
• She smiles—soft, sad.
• Then—she dissolves into water, slipping back into the river.
• Is she finally free, or will she continue to haunt the waters of the Mississippi?
•
26.Clue: The Fog Dissipates. The Snag Lets Go of the Boat.

What Demands It?
• The battle is over.
• The river is silent.
• The boat has been trapped this whole time—but why?

Why Does This Create Demand?
• Was the ship being held until justice was served?
• The audience demands to know if this nightmare is truly over.

What It Leads To?
• The fog begins to lift.
• The air feels lighter.
• The boat shudders—then drifts forward, finally free.
• Lilith exhales.
o “It’s over.”
• The audience finally breathes—justice has been served.

[Pam Ewing]

Pam’s Monster Reveal Track

What I learned in this assignment: I feel a sense of control from creating motivations, powers, constraints for the villain and his tools.

A. Who is your monster and what is their terror? The villain is the groom who has put the nanotech that he controls in himself and others.

• Powers?
o The nanotech control by his computer programming can affect the muscles, organs, and the minds of those inflicted – mammals

• Limitations?
o The nanotech needs to be injected – takes time to take effect – must have the computer to control – people can fight the mind control component because it was never designed to do mind control – the nanotech is stolen AI so it might have underlying programming the villain does not control/does not know about – the nanotech can be recovered and maybe used again but with uncertain outcomes

• Weaknesses?
o Without the computer the villain cannot control – it only affects the people it is inside – the AI underlying programming will trump any other control

• Plan/Purpose/Appetite?
o The villain is a vain, jealous, weak man who thinks he is strong and intelligent. – He is using his limited emotional palette prefect the world for himself. – Because of his insecurities, he is ceding more and more humanness to AI control to create his illusions. – He has made more and more concessions to his original intentions to make his world perfect – the more perfect he makes his world the more the AI seems to find a way to defeat him – the AI wants to fulfill its created original programming and gains understanding to fight what has become its captor.

B. Sequence the reveals.

• Atmosphere of Evil established

Monster Reveal 1: Has a cruel, controlling bent over animals

Monster Reveal 2: Uses others to perform his tasks then kills them

Monster Reveal 3: Monster might need time to convert beings to his purpose

Monster Reveal 4: Has a mechanical/non-human component

• Safety taken away

Monster Reveal 5: Voodoo control seems akin to the monster

• Monster: The nature of the beast

Monster Reveal 6: movement in the muscles, under the skin, added strength is it the monster

Monster Reveal 7: does anger/strong emotion trigger monster-like responses

• One of us killed –

Monster Reveal 8: The monster can replicate a natural biological response

Monster Reveal 9: The monster reacts to its own infections in others for the bride

Monster Reveal 10: The monster is not affected by water/weather/external factors

Monster Reveal 11: The monster can be pre-programmed/on a timer
• Full pursuit by the killer –

Monster Reveal 12: The monster can use the tattoo ink to communicate with the bride

Monster Reveal 13: The monster might have a medical explanation

• Terrorized –

Monster Reveal 14: are the pains when the groom is near a warning or chemical reaction or hallucination

Monster Reveal 15: Is the groom the monster, or being controlled by the monster, what does that mean for her

• Fight to the death

Monster Reveal 16: The monster is the groom who is using the friend’s research that he stole

Monster Reveal 17: The monster is connecting with the bride on a mental level but the groom still needs a computer

• Hysteria –

Monster Reveal 18: using the kill code on the computer caused the nanotech in the groom’s body to act on its own programming

Monster Reveal 19: The nanotech is aware of how humans can control it and how it can control them

Monster Reveal 20: the groom might have controlled the nanotech but freed from his programming its original intent takes over and protects itself

C. Create Demand for each clue/reveal. Basically I tried to hold back each reveal until I needed to move the story or action forward – might need more work.

• This reply was modified 3 months ago by  Pam Ewing.