[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Monster Reveal Track

What I learned doing this assignment is that this is the most difficult part having two people ostensibly playing the monster without one knowing that he is actually the monster – but everyone only sees the monster and the dad is actually is also being injured by the monster but it’s really himself that’s doing it.
I’m keeping lots of horror situtaions in the outline – not sure how many I’ll use down the line

ACT 1
Opening/prologue: Start the mystery of the monster by showing us the result of their violence.
Atmosphere of Evil established: Open on unknown girl being dragged into the basement by faceless/masked man and shackled in the dark

Friends and Claire arrive at the family ranch and decide to have a party and go swimming / croquet / volleyball
Claire’s father arrives. Claire grabs Marcus to hide the fact that Tasha is her girlfriend.
The Barn Punishment (Psychological & Physical Torture)
• During 1st Act: Foreshadowing as clues
Monster appears in window to watch them playing.
Father tells Claire he wants everyone OUT and she refuses. He wasn’t expected and it’s her house too. Stop bossing her around. (He might be trying to save her – hard to know)
Later they are playing around and Jordan goes to his room to get the pipe and some pot and the monster comes out of the shadows and head locks him and pulls him away.
Character Death 1: Jordan
WHY: Sarcastic, doesn’t believe Father is as intense as he comes off and makes sarcastic jokes
HOW: The Colonel/Monster forces Jordan outside in the dead of night, stripping him down to his underwear and tying him to a post in the freezing barn. The Colonel whispers in his ear: “Disobedience must be corrected.”
REACTION: No one knows what happened to him. He’s gone in the morning. They assume he just took off cause of the pressure.
2. The “Cleanse” (Waterboarding with a Sinister Twist)
Character Death: Jude/ Black, non-binary, Claire’s best friend
WHY: Trigger: Jude kisses their boyfriend/girlfriend by the fire.
HOW: The Colonel /Monster believes in “purification” and forces Jude into an old, water-filled livestock trough, holding their head under while calmly instructing them to “repent.” The others scream, helpless.
1st Act turning point: Characters are locked into horror
Sargeant yells at Claire and Marcus, her supposed boyfriend defends her and makes her him stop only to have the Sargeant slam him against the wall and get in his face. “I told her to get you all out of here but she won’t listen anymore, and I can’t stop it from happening.” “What???” “This place isn’t friendly”

REACTION: Escalation: Just before Jude drowns, the Colonel stops, letting them gasp for air. He coldly warns: “Love should be clean, not indulgent.” The implication is clear—next time, he won’t stop.
They hear screams. Catch sight of the monster. Jude is unconscious. they know something is going on. They need to stick together.
The father says they can’t leave. It’s booby trapped. He’s a paranoid schizophrenic and they’re catching on to the fact that he has something to do with this. DO THEY SEE THE MONSTER?
They’re trapped with nowhere to go. Stuck and scared
ACT 2
• 1st half of 2nd Act: The monster is present, but hidden
Sargeant sees the monster staring at the friends and he goes after it but it eludes him. He searches everywhere and it drags him back to his room. Military dress, mask, strong arms him and Sargeant can’t do any but get dragged away.

3. The Obedience Drill (Military Training Turned Torture)
Victim: Tasha
WHY: Sargeant watches his monitors and see Tasha kissing Claire. Tasha tries to escape in the night. He drugs her – the monster takes over.
HOW: The Colonel catches her and forces her into a brutal, impossible obstacle course in the dark. She must crawl through barbed wire, climb an electrified fence, and sprint through an open field while dodging rifle shots at her feet. Escalation: If she fails, the Colonel forces her to watch a live-feed of her captured friends being punished, ensuring she follows orders.
REACTION: Everyone knows they’re trapped now and frantic to get out.
4. The Sermon Room (Mind-Breaking Isolation)
Victim: Marcus
WHY: Marcus defends Claire and refuses to kneel when ordered.
HOW: The Colonel locks Marcus in a pitch-black soundproof room with only a speaker playing old recordings of his sermons: “Obedience is strength. Disobedience is sin.”
Escalation: The darkness warps his mind. The whispers in the recording start to distort—Marcus hears his own father’s voice, his own self-doubts, his worst memories. It’s not just discipline—it’s psychological warfare.
REACTION: Everyone is looking for him. They know they’re trapped with no way out.

• Midpoint: Monster is worse than we thought
He hears them all laughing and joking. As one goes to the bathroom the Monster comes out of the shadows with a hunting knife. “WTF man” blocks the door, guts him. Wraps him in shower curtain. Drags him off.
Sargeant sits in his office, smokes a cigar and drinks bourbon. The monster hides in the corner. Watches. Does he tell him to do things yet? Sargeant is at its mercy.
5. The Silent Hunt (Prey vs. Predator)
Victim: The entire group
Trigger: They attempt to escape through the woods.
HOW: The Colonel cuts the ranch floodlights, leaving them in total darkness. Then, he starts hunting them.
Escalation: He whistles an eerie military cadence, his voice echoing. He taunts them over the loudspeakers: “You think you’re free? Run. Let’s see how far you get.”
Twist: He’s set silent traps—bear traps, tripwires, and hidden pits filled with sharpened bones from past victims.
6. The Confessional (Forced Confessions & Electric Torture)
Victim: Claire
WHY: Claire finally challenges the Colonel’s authority when he accused her of being a lesbian.
HOW: The Colonel straps Claire to an antique electric chair in the basement, forcing her to confess her “sins” while slowly increasing the voltage.
Escalation: He doesn’t ask about escaping—he demands she admit her queerness is a mistake. The true horror isn’t just the pain—it’s that Claire’s own father wants her to erase herself.
REACTION: She refuses to give in even if it kills her. Everyone is looking for her.

2nd half of 2nd Act: Monster pursuing / attacking characters, delivering clues with each attack
Sargeant admits that monster has been in the house for years. Generations. He’s grown up with it and it won’t let any intruders out alive.

7. The Scapegoat Execution (A Friend is Forced to Kill Another) – after Colonel sees them make out…
Victim: Ryan and Marcus
WHY: The group refuses to obey a command.
HOW: The Colonel drags Ryan and Marcus into the yard and places a loaded rifle between them. He tells Marcus: “Kill him, or I kill you both.”
Escalation: If Marcus refuses, the Colonel shoots Ryan himself—then hands the gun to Marcus for the next round. The horror isn’t just the death—it’s forcing a friend to become a killer.
ACT 3 –
FIGHTING, RESSURECTION – ULTIMATE FIGHT
DISCOVERS KATIE – EX GIRLFRIEND SHE THOUGHT GHOSTED HER

3rd Act: Characters solve the puzzle and fight back, apparently killing monster
They realize that her father is the monster before he does. When they injure the monster and her father shows up with the injury/blood. They check the video footage and actually see him harming himself – no monster and Claire realizes he’s insane.
So they have to trick him and escape before he kills them all.
Not sure how many horror situations will stay in the final draft but they are here as place holders –
THE MAIN PUZZLE WILL BE THE REVEAL THAT THE DAD/SARGEANT IS THE MONSTER AND IF THEY SUBDUE ONE THEY SUBDUE THE OTHER

8. The Branding Ritual (Scarring for Obedience)
Victim: Jude
Trigger: They talk back after the Colonel misgenders them.
Horror: The Colonel ties Jude down and heats a branding iron, saying: “If you don’t know who you are, let me brand you with what you really are: disobedient.”
Escalation: The brand is shaped like a Bible verse—a permanent scar of religious control. But before he presses it down, the lights flicker, and he hesitates—his own demons surfacing.
9. The Mirror Punishment (Forcing the Colonel to Face Himself)
Victim: The Colonel himself (Unintentional Horror)
Trigger: The group finds his hidden past—his love letters and old photos of a male lover.
Horror: Ryan and Claire throw the old letters at him, forcing him to read them aloud. His repression breaks into pure rage.
Escalation: He begins self-harming, scratching at his own skin, screaming that it’s a lie. The monster isn’t just external—it’s inside him, eating him alive.
10. The Final Act: The Boiling Room (Transformation into the True Monster)
Victim: The Colonel
Trigger: The group finally turns the tables.
Horror: The group traps the Colonel in the basement boiler room, where the heat warps his mind. He finally sees himself in the mirror—and sees the monster.
Escalation: His hallucinations intensify. He sees the ghost of his former lover. He screams, attacking his own reflection. His body contorts in the heat, his mind fully broken.
Climax: Instead of dying, he locks himself inside, embracing the flames rather than face the truth of what he is. His final words are not of rage, but of regret: “I could have been free.”
A Villain Who Breaks Himself: The Colonel isn’t just destroyed by the group—he’s destroyed by the truth he tried to bury.
1. The Forced Dinner (Eating with the Dead)
Victim: The whole group
Trigger: The group refuses to sit for dinner after the first punishment.
Horror: The Colonel drags them back to the table, force-feeding them while a rotting corpse sits at the head of the table—the mummified remains of a past victim who “didn’t obey.”
Escalation: He speaks to the corpse as if it were still alive, saying: “Unlike you, these kids think they can disobey me.”
Reaction: Claire vomits, Jude starts crying, and Ryan tries to flip the table but gets pistol-whipped.
2. The “Brotherhood” Ritual (Psychosexual Horror)
Victim: Marcus
Trigger: Marcus refuses to hit another friend as ordered.
Horror: The Colonel forces Marcus into an old military-style initiation, stripping him to his underwear, smearing mud on his face, and whispering: “You need to be made into a real man.”
Escalation: He caresses Marcus’s face but instantly recoils in disgust, breathing heavily as though fighting himself. Then, enraged, he forces Marcus to kneel at gunpoint, screaming, “Say you’re weak!”
Reaction: Marcus starts hyperventilating, realizing the Colonel’s rage is a mask for something even more dangerous.

3. The Gas Mask of Silence (Sensory Deprivation & Horror)
Victim: Jude
Trigger: They scream defiantly at the Colonel.
Horror: The Colonel straps an old military gas mask onto Jude’s face—but blocks the airflow, forcing them to struggle for breath.
Escalation: As they thrash, the Colonel whispers: “You don’t get to speak. You don’t get to exist.” Just before they black out, he removes it, making it clear: “Next time, I don’t take it off.”
Reaction: Jude hyperventilates as soon as it’s removed. Later, they whisper, “He wants to erase us.”
4. The “Hunting Dog” Execution (Turning Victims into Killers)
Victim: Tasha
Trigger: Tasha tries to attack the Colonel with a knife.
Horror: The Colonel breaks her wrist, takes the knife, and hands it to Marcus, ordering him to “prove his loyalty” by stabbing Tasha.
Escalation: If Marcus refuses, the Colonel cuts her himself and hands Marcus the bloody blade.
Reaction: Marcus, sobbing, fakes a stab just to get the Colonel to stop. Later, Tasha whispers, “He’s making us into him.”
5. The Ashes of Sin (Forced Body Horror & Branding)
Victim: Ryan
Trigger: Ryan mocks the Colonel’s rules.
Horror: The Colonel burns a Bible page and forces Ryan to hold the ashes in his mouth, whispering, “Cleanse your filthy soul.”
Escalation: He duct tapes Ryan’s mouth shut and leaves him gagging on the ashes.
Reaction: Ryan convulses and nearly suffocates, later whispering: “He wants us to choke on his rules.”
6. The Flooding Cellar (Drowning & Psychological Horror)
Victim: Claire
Trigger: Claire openly defies him.
Horror: The Colonel locks Claire in a dark basement as water begins flooding in. She must either escape or drown in total darkness.
Escalation: The Colonel speaks over an intercom: “Obedience is breath. Disobedience is drowning.”
Reaction: Claire, gasping, starts hallucinating her mother warning her to escape.
The Mirror Room (Forcing Self-Hatred into the Open)
Victim: The Colonel (Unintentional Horror)
Trigger: The group leaves his old love letters out for him to see.
Horror: He stares at his reflection and sees himself as monstrous—his skin cracked, his younger self begging to be free.
Escalation: He punches the mirror repeatedly until his hands are bleeding, screaming at his reflection, “You are not real!”
Reaction: The group sees this moment and realizes: His worst fear is himself.
8. The Glass Coffin (Being Buried Alive)
Victim: Jude
WHY: They keep fighting back despite torture.
HOW: The Colonel buries Jude alive in a glass box underground, forcing them to stare up at the dirt slowly covering the surface.
Escalation: A small intercom inside plays the Colonel’s voice: “Let the weight of your sins crush you.”
Reaction: The others frantically dig Jude out, but Jude emerges screaming, unable to stop clawing at their own skin.
9. The Branding Iron of Sin (Horrific Public Shame)
Victim: Marcus
WHY: Marcus refuses to denounce his bisexuality.
HOW: The Colonel heats a branding iron with the word “FRAUD” and presses it against Marcus’s chest, declaring: “This is what happens to men who lie to themselves.”
Escalation: If Marcus passes out, the Colonel slaps him awake, forcing him to repeat: “I am a fraud.”
Reaction: Later, Marcus whispers to Claire: “I never hated myself before. He wants me to.”
10. The Final Horror: The Self-Destruction (The Monster’s True Form Emerges)
Victim: The Colonel (Final Transformation)
Trigger: Claire reveals his past love to the others.
Horror: The Colonel physically starts convulsing, his mind breaking. He sees his younger self, and in a terrifying moment of body horror, he scratches his own face raw, screaming, “I will kill this part of me!”
Escalation: Instead of killing Claire, he burns his own skin, trying to “purge” himself.
Reaction: Claire whispers: “You are the real monster. And you’re afraid of yourself.” The Colonel stares at her, terrified—not of her, but of what he’s become

[David Zelitzky]

David Z's Character Death Track

What I learned doing this assignment is to pace and escalate the horror events and give them specific meaning.

Definitely in draft mode with preliminary ideas and escalating intensity

ACT 1
Atmosphere of Evil established: Open on unknown girl being dragged into the basement by faceless/masked man and shackled in the dark
They arrive at the ranch and decide to have a party and go swimming / croquet / volleyball

Claire’s father arrives. Claire grabs Marcus to hide the fact that Tasha is her girlfriend.

The Barn Punishment (Psychological & Physical Torture)

Character Death 1: Jordan
WHY: Sarcastic, doesn’t believe Father is as intense as he comes off and makes sarcastic jokes
HOW: The Colonel/Monster forces Jordan outside in the dead of night, stripping him down to his underwear and tying him to a post in the freezing barn. The Colonel whispers in his ear: “Disobedience must be corrected.”
REACTION: No one knows what happened to him. He's gone in the morning. They assume he just took off cause of the pressure.

2. The "Cleanse" (Waterboarding with a Sinister Twist)
Character Death: Jude/ Black, non-binary, Claire’s best friend
WHY: Trigger: Jude kisses their boyfriend/girlfriend by the fire.
HOW: The Colonel /Monster believes in “purification” and forces Jude into an old, water-filled livestock trough, holding their head under while calmly instructing them to "repent." The others scream, helpless.
REACTION: Escalation: Just before Jude drowns, the Colonel stops, letting them gasp for air. He coldly warns: "Love should be clean, not indulgent." The implication is clear—next time, he won’t stop.
They hear screams. Catch sight of the monster. Jude is unconscious. they know something is going on. They need to stick together.
The father says they can't leave. It's booby trapped. He's a paranoid schizophrenic and they're catching on to the fact that he has something to do with this. DO THEY SEE THE MONSTER?
They’re trapped with nowhere to go. Stuck and scared

ACT 2
3. The Obedience Drill (Military Training Turned Torture)
Victim: Tasha
WHY: Sargeant watches his monitors and see Tasha kissing Claire. Tasha tries to escape in the night. He drugs her – the monster takes over.
HOW: The Colonel catches her and forces her into a brutal, impossible obstacle course in the dark. She must crawl through barbed wire, climb an electrified fence, and sprint through an open field while dodging rifle shots at her feet. Escalation: If she fails, the Colonel forces her to watch a live-feed of her captured friends being punished, ensuring she follows orders.
REACTION: Everyone knows they’re trapped now and frantic to get out.

4. The Sermon Room (Mind-Breaking Isolation)

Victim: Marcus
WHY: Marcus defends Claire and refuses to kneel when ordered.
HOW: The Colonel locks Marcus in a pitch-black soundproof room with only a speaker playing old recordings of his sermons: “Obedience is strength. Disobedience is sin.”
Escalation: The darkness warps his mind. The whispers in the recording start to distort—Marcus hears his own father’s voice, his own self-doubts, his worst memories. It’s not just discipline—it’s psychological warfare.
REACTION: Everyone is looking for him. They know they’re trapped with no way out.

5. The Silent Hunt (Prey vs. Predator)
Victim: The entire group
Trigger: They attempt to escape through the woods.
HOW: The Colonel cuts the ranch floodlights, leaving them in total darkness. Then, he starts hunting them.
Escalation: He whistles an eerie military cadence, his voice echoing. He taunts them over the loudspeakers: "You think you’re free? Run. Let’s see how far you get."
Twist: He’s set silent traps—bear traps, tripwires, and hidden pits filled with sharpened bones from past victims.
6. The Confessional (Forced Confessions & Electric Torture)
Victim: Claire
WHY: Claire finally challenges the Colonel’s authority when he accused her of being a lesbian.
HOW: The Colonel straps Claire to an antique electric chair in the basement, forcing her to confess her "sins" while slowly increasing the voltage.
Escalation: He doesn’t ask about escaping—he demands she admit her queerness is a mistake. The true horror isn’t just the pain—it’s that Claire’s own father wants her to erase herself.
REACTION: She refuses to give in even if it kills her. Everyone is looking for her.

7. The Scapegoat Execution (A Friend is Forced to Kill Another) – after Colonel sees them make out…
Victim: Ryan and Marcus
WHY: The group refuses to obey a command.
HOW: The Colonel drags Ryan and Marcus into the yard and places a loaded rifle between them. He tells Marcus: "Kill him, or I kill you both."
Escalation: If Marcus refuses, the Colonel shoots Ryan himself—then hands the gun to Marcus for the next round. The horror isn’t just the death—it’s forcing a friend to become a killer.

ACT 3 –
FIGHTING, RESSURECTION – ULTIMATE FIGHT

DISCOVERS KATIE – EX GIRLFRIEND SHE THOUGHT GHOSTED HER
8. The Branding Ritual (Scarring for Obedience)
Victim: Jude
Trigger: They talk back after the Colonel misgenders them.

Horror: The Colonel ties Jude down and heats a branding iron, saying: “If you don’t know who you are, let me brand you with what you really are: disobedient.”
Escalation: The brand is shaped like a Bible verse—a permanent scar of religious control. But before he presses it down, the lights flicker, and he hesitates—his own demons surfacing.

9. The Mirror Punishment (Forcing the Colonel to Face Himself)

Victim: The Colonel himself (Unintentional Horror)

Trigger: The group finds his hidden past—his love letters and old photos of a male lover.

Horror: Ryan and Claire throw the old letters at him, forcing him to read them aloud. His repression breaks into pure rage.
Escalation: He begins self-harming, scratching at his own skin, screaming that it's a lie. The monster isn’t just external—it’s inside him, eating him alive.

10. The Final Act: The Boiling Room (Transformation into the True Monster)
Victim: The Colonel
Trigger: The group finally turns the tables.

Horror: The group traps the Colonel in the basement boiler room, where the heat warps his mind. He finally sees himself in the mirror—and sees the monster.

Escalation: His hallucinations intensify. He sees the ghost of his former lover. He screams, attacking his own reflection. His body contorts in the heat, his mind fully broken.

Climax: Instead of dying, he locks himself inside, embracing the flames rather than face the truth of what he is. His final words are not of rage, but of regret: “I could have been free.”

A Villain Who Breaks Himself: The Colonel isn't just destroyed by the group—he's destroyed by the truth he tried to bury.

1. The Forced Dinner (Eating with the Dead)
Victim: The whole group

Trigger: The group refuses to sit for dinner after the first punishment.

Horror: The Colonel drags them back to the table, force-feeding them while a rotting corpse sits at the head of the table—the mummified remains of a past victim who "didn’t obey."

Escalation: He speaks to the corpse as if it were still alive, saying: "Unlike you, these kids think they can disobey me."
Reaction: Claire vomits, Jude starts crying, and Ryan tries to flip the table but gets pistol-whipped.

2. The “Brotherhood” Ritual (Psychosexual Horror)
Victim: Marcus

Trigger: Marcus refuses to hit another friend as ordered.

Horror: The Colonel forces Marcus into an old military-style initiation, stripping him to his underwear, smearing mud on his face, and whispering: "You need to be made into a real man."

Escalation: He caresses Marcus’s face but instantly recoils in disgust, breathing heavily as though fighting himself. Then, enraged, he forces Marcus to kneel at gunpoint, screaming, "Say you're weak!"

Reaction: Marcus starts hyperventilating, realizing the Colonel’s rage is a mask for something even more dangerous.
3. The Gas Mask of Silence (Sensory Deprivation & Horror)
Victim: Jude

Trigger: They scream defiantly at the Colonel.
Horror: The Colonel straps an old military gas mask onto Jude’s face—but blocks the airflow, forcing them to struggle for breath.

Escalation: As they thrash, the Colonel whispers: "You don't get to speak. You don't get to exist." Just before they black out, he removes it, making it clear: "Next time, I don’t take it off."

Reaction: Jude hyperventilates as soon as it’s removed. Later, they whisper, "He wants to erase us."

4. The "Hunting Dog" Execution (Turning Victims into Killers)
Victim: Tasha
Trigger: Tasha tries to attack the Colonel with a knife.
Horror: The Colonel breaks her wrist, takes the knife, and hands it to Marcus, ordering him to "prove his loyalty" by stabbing Tasha.
Escalation: If Marcus refuses, the Colonel cuts her himself and hands Marcus the bloody blade.
Reaction: Marcus, sobbing, fakes a stab just to get the Colonel to stop. Later, Tasha whispers, "He’s making us into him."
5. The Ashes of Sin (Forced Body Horror & Branding)
Victim: Ryan
Trigger: Ryan mocks the Colonel’s rules.
Horror: The Colonel burns a Bible page and forces Ryan to hold the ashes in his mouth, whispering, "Cleanse your filthy soul."
Escalation: He duct tapes Ryan’s mouth shut and leaves him gagging on the ashes.
Reaction: Ryan convulses and nearly suffocates, later whispering: "He wants us to choke on his rules."
6. The Flooding Cellar (Drowning & Psychological Horror)
Victim: Claire
Trigger: Claire openly defies him.
Horror: The Colonel locks Claire in a dark basement as water begins flooding in. She must either escape or drown in total darkness.
Escalation: The Colonel speaks over an intercom: "Obedience is breath. Disobedience is drowning."
Reaction: Claire, gasping, starts hallucinating her mother warning her to escape.

The Mirror Room (Forcing Self-Hatred into the Open)
Victim: The Colonel (Unintentional Horror)
Trigger: The group leaves his old love letters out for him to see.
Horror: He stares at his reflection and sees himself as monstrous—his skin cracked, his younger self begging to be free.
Escalation: He punches the mirror repeatedly until his hands are bleeding, screaming at his reflection, "You are not real!"
Reaction: The group sees this moment and realizes: His worst fear is himself.
8. The Glass Coffin (Being Buried Alive)
Victim: Jude
WHY: They keep fighting back despite torture.
HOW: The Colonel buries Jude alive in a glass box underground, forcing them to stare up at the dirt slowly covering the surface.
Escalation: A small intercom inside plays the Colonel’s voice: "Let the weight of your sins crush you."
Reaction: The others frantically dig Jude out, but Jude emerges screaming, unable to stop clawing at their own skin.
9. The Branding Iron of Sin (Horrific Public Shame)
Victim: Marcus
WHY: Marcus refuses to denounce his bisexuality.
HOW: The Colonel heats a branding iron with the word "FRAUD" and presses it against Marcus’s chest, declaring: "This is what happens to men who lie to themselves."
Escalation: If Marcus passes out, the Colonel slaps him awake, forcing him to repeat: "I am a fraud."
Reaction: Later, Marcus whispers to Claire: "I never hated myself before. He wants me to."

10. The Final Horror: The Self-Destruction (The Monster’s True Form Emerges)
Victim: The Colonel (Final Transformation)
Trigger: Claire reveals his past love to the others.
Horror: The Colonel physically starts convulsing, his mind breaking. He sees his younger self, and in a terrifying moment of body horror, he scratches his own face raw, screaming, "I will kill this part of me!"
Escalation: Instead of killing Claire, he burns his own skin, trying to "purge" himself.
Reaction: Claire whispers: "You are the real monster. And you're afraid of yourself." The Colonel stares at her, terrified—not of her, but of what he’s become

• This reply was modified 3 months ago by  David Zelitzky.
• This reply was modified 3 months ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Horror Situation Track

What I learned doing this assignment is this is the crux of the construction and the most difficult for me. Creating the bones to hang the story on is basically writing the movie in short hand and I need to continuously let go of the resistance to creation and allow myself the flexibility to throw out multiple ideas – any of which can change throughout the creative process.

ACT 1
Atmosphere of Evil established: Open on unknown girl being dragged into the basement by faceless/masked man and shackled in the dark

The Barn Punishment (Psychological & Physical Torture)

Victim: Ryan (First to rebel)
Trigger: Ryan makes a sarcastic joke about authority at dinner. Jordan laughs. Dad has it out for him.

Horror: The Colonel forces Ryan Jordan outside in the dead of night, stripping him down to his underwear and tying him to a post in the freezing barn. The Colonel whispers in his ear: “Disobedience must be corrected.”
REACTION: No one knows what happened to him. He’s gone in the morning. They assume he just took off cause of the pressure.
The Sargeant is not surprised.
Do we see a glimpse of the monster in the window?

2. The “Cleanse” (Waterboarding with a Sinister Twist)
Victim: Jude
Trigger: Jude kisses their boyfriend/girlfriend by the fire.

Horror: The Colonel believes in “purification” and forces Jude into an old, water-filled livestock trough, holding their head under while calmly instructing them to “repent.” The others scream, helpless.
Escalation: Just before Jude drowns, the Colonel stops, letting them gasp for air. He coldly warns: “Love should be clean, not indulgent.” The implication is clear—next time, he won’t stop.
They hear screams. Catch sight of the monster. jude is unconscious. they know something is going on. They need to stick together.
The father says they can’t leave. It’s booby trapped. He’s a paranoid schiphrenic and they’re catching on to the fact that he has something to do with this.

3. The Obedience Drill (Military Training Turned Torture)
Victim: Tasha
Trigger: Tasha tries to escape in the night.
Horror: The Colonel catches her and forces her into a brutal, impossible obstacle course in the dark. She must crawl through barbed wire, climb an electrified fence, and sprint through an open field while dodging rifle shots at her feet.
Escalation: If she fails, the Colonel forces her to watch a live-feed of her captured friends being punished, ensuring she follows orders.
4. The Sermon Room (Mind-Breaking Isolation)

Victim: Marcus
Trigger: Marcus defends Claire and refuses to kneel when ordered.

Horror: The Colonel locks Marcus in a pitch-black soundproof room with only a speaker playing old recordings of his sermons: “Obedience is strength. Disobedience is sin.”

Escalation: The darkness warps his mind. The whispers in the recording start to distort—Marcus hears his own father’s voice, his own self-doubts, his worst memories. It’s not just discipline—it’s psychological warfare.

5. The Silent Hunt (Prey vs. Predator)
Victim: The entire group

Trigger: They attempt to escape through the woods.

Horror: The Colonel cuts the ranch floodlights, leaving them in total darkness. Then, he starts hunting them.
Escalation: He whistles an eerie military cadence, his voice echoing. He taunts them over the loudspeakers: “You think you’re free? Run. Let’s see how far you get.”
Twist: He’s set silent traps—bear traps, tripwires, and hidden pits filled with sharpened bones from past victims.

6. The Confessional (Forced Confessions & Electric Torture)
Victim: Claire
Trigger: Claire challenges the Colonel’s authority.

Horror: The Colonel straps Claire to an antique electric chair in the basement, forcing her to confess her “sins” while slowly increasing the voltage.

Escalation: He doesn’t ask about escaping—he demands she admit her queerness is a mistake. The true horror isn’t just the pain—it’s that Claire’s own father wants her to erase herself.

7. The Scapegoat Execution (A Friend is Forced to Kill Another) – after Colonel sees them make out…
Victim: Ryan and Marcus

Trigger: The group refuses to obey a command.

Horror: The Colonel drags Ryan and Marcus into the yard and places a loaded rifle between them. He tells Marcus: “Kill him, or I kill you both.”

Escalation: If Marcus refuses, the Colonel shoots Ryan himself—then hands the gun to Marcus for the next round. The horror isn’t just the death—it’s forcing a friend to become a killer.

8. The Branding Ritual (Scarring for Obedience)
Victim: Jude
Trigger: They talk back after the Colonel misgenders them.

Horror: The Colonel ties Jude down and heats a branding iron, saying: “If you don’t know who you are, let me brand you with what you really are: disobedient.”
Escalation: The brand is shaped like a Bible verse—a permanent scar of religious control. But before he presses it down, the lights flicker, and he hesitates—his own demons surfacing.

9. The Mirror Punishment (Forcing the Colonel to Face Himself)

Victim: The Colonel himself (Unintentional Horror)

Trigger: The group finds his hidden past—his love letters and old photos of a male lover.

Horror: Ryan and Claire throw the old letters at him, forcing him to read them aloud. His repression breaks into pure rage.
Escalation: He begins self-harming, scratching at his own skin, screaming that it’s a lie. The monster isn’t just external—it’s inside him, eating him alive.

10. The Final Act: The Boiling Room (Transformation into the True Monster)
Victim: The Colonel
Trigger: The group finally turns the tables.

Horror: The group traps the Colonel in the basement boiler room, where the heat warps his mind. He finally sees himself in the mirror—and sees the monster.

Escalation: His hallucinations intensify. He sees the ghost of his former lover. He screams, attacking his own reflection. His body contorts in the heat, his mind fully broken.

Climax: Instead of dying, he locks himself inside, embracing the flames rather than face the truth of what he is. His final words are not of rage, but of regret: “I could have been free.”

A Villain Who Breaks Himself: The Colonel isn’t just destroyed by the group—he’s destroyed by the truth he tried to bury.
Would you like any of these expanded into full scenes or dialogue? 🎬🔥

ACT 2

1. The Forced Dinner (Eating with the Dead)
Victim: The whole group

Trigger: The group refuses to sit for dinner after the first punishment.

Horror: The Colonel drags them back to the table, force-feeding them while a rotting corpse sits at the head of the table—the mummified remains of a past victim who “didn’t obey.”

Escalation: He speaks to the corpse as if it were still alive, saying: “Unlike you, these kids think they can disobey me.”
Reaction: Claire vomits, Jude starts crying, and Ryan tries to flip the table but gets pistol-whipped.

2. The “Brotherhood” Ritual (Psychosexual Horror)
Victim: Marcus

Trigger: Marcus refuses to hit another friend as ordered.

Horror: The Colonel forces Marcus into an old military-style initiation, stripping him to his underwear, smearing mud on his face, and whispering: “You need to be made into a real man.”

Escalation: He caresses Marcus’s face but instantly recoils in disgust, breathing heavily as though fighting himself. Then, enraged, he forces Marcus to kneel at gunpoint, screaming, “Say you’re weak!”

Reaction: Marcus starts hyperventilating, realizing the Colonel’s rage is a mask for something even more dangerous.
3. The Gas Mask of Silence (Sensory Deprivation & Horror)
Victim: Jude

Trigger: They scream defiantly at the Colonel.
Horror: The Colonel straps an old military gas mask onto Jude’s face—but blocks the airflow, forcing them to struggle for breath.

Escalation: As they thrash, the Colonel whispers: “You don’t get to speak. You don’t get to exist.” Just before they black out, he removes it, making it clear: “Next time, I don’t take it off.”

Reaction: Jude hyperventilates as soon as it’s removed. Later, they whisper, “He wants to erase us.”

4. The “Hunting Dog” Execution (Turning Victims into Killers)
Victim: Tasha
Trigger: Tasha tries to attack the Colonel with a knife.
Horror: The Colonel breaks her wrist, takes the knife, and hands it to Marcus, ordering him to “prove his loyalty” by stabbing Tasha.
Escalation: If Marcus refuses, the Colonel cuts her himself and hands Marcus the bloody blade.
Reaction: Marcus, sobbing, fakes a stab just to get the Colonel to stop. Later, Tasha whispers, “He’s making us into him.”
5. The Ashes of Sin (Forced Body Horror & Branding)
Victim: Ryan
Trigger: Ryan mocks the Colonel’s rules.
Horror: The Colonel burns a Bible page and forces Ryan to hold the ashes in his mouth, whispering, “Cleanse your filthy soul.”
Escalation: He duct tapes Ryan’s mouth shut and leaves him gagging on the ashes.
Reaction: Ryan convulses and nearly suffocates, later whispering: “He wants us to choke on his rules.”
6. The Flooding Cellar (Drowning & Psychological Horror)
Victim: Claire
Trigger: Claire openly defies him.
Horror: The Colonel locks Claire in a dark basement as water begins flooding in. She must either escape or drown in total darkness.
Escalation: The Colonel speaks over an intercom: “Obedience is breath. Disobedience is drowning.”
Reaction: Claire, gasping, starts hallucinating her mother warning her to escape.

ACT 3 – FIGHTING, RESSURECTION – ULTIMATE FIGHT

DISCOVERS KATIE – EX GIRLFRIEND SHE THOUGHT GHOSTED HER

7. The Mirror Room (Forcing Self-Hatred into the Open)
Victim: The Colonel (Unintentional Horror)
Trigger: The group leaves his old love letters out for him to see.
Horror: He stares at his reflection and sees himself as monstrous—his skin cracked, his younger self begging to be free.
Escalation: He punches the mirror repeatedly until his hands are bleeding, screaming at his reflection, “You are not real!”
Reaction: The group sees this moment and realizes: His worst fear is himself.
8. The Glass Coffin (Being Buried Alive)
Victim: Jude
Trigger: They keep fighting back despite torture.
Horror: The Colonel buries Jude alive in a glass box underground, forcing them to stare up at the dirt slowly covering the surface.
Escalation: A small intercom inside plays the Colonel’s voice: “Let the weight of your sins crush you.”
Reaction: The others frantically dig Jude out, but Jude emerges screaming, unable to stop clawing at their own skin.
9. The Branding Iron of Sin (Horrific Public Shame)
Victim: Marcus
Trigger: Marcus refuses to denounce his bisexuality.
Horror: The Colonel heats a branding iron with the word “FRAUD” and presses it against Marcus’s chest, declaring: “This is what happens to men who lie to themselves.”
Escalation: If Marcus passes out, the Colonel slaps him awake, forcing him to repeat: “I am a fraud.”
Reaction: Later, Marcus whispers to Claire: “I never hated myself before. He wants me to.”
10. The Final Horror: The Self-Destruction (The Monster’s True Form Emerges)
Victim: The Colonel (Final Transformation)
Trigger: Claire reveals his past love to the others.
Horror: The Colonel physically starts convulsing, his mind breaking. He sees his younger self, and in a terrifying moment of body horror, he scratches his own face raw, screaming, “I will kill this part of me!”
Escalation: Instead of killing Claire, he burns his own skin, trying to “purge” himself.
Reaction: Claire whispers: “You are the real monster. And you’re afraid of yourself.” The Colonel stares at her, terrified—not of her, but of what he’s become.
Why These Escalations Work
The Colonel Becomes the Monster: His punishments start as discipline but transform into horrific self-destruction.
Queer Horror as Psychological Terror: The group isn’t just physically tortured—they are forced to confront the horror of oppression, conversion tactics, and forced shame.
Repression is the True Horror: The Colonel becomes his own punishment. His monstrous actions aren’t just violence—they are his own mind trying to erase itself.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Horror Plot

What I learned doing this assignment is just throw stuff at the dart board and let it fall or stick depending on what develops later

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil established
An army barracks where the Staff Sergeant beats a Private while the others watch, unsure of what to do as the private is unconscious, unmoving.
A hidden figure pulls a screaming girl into a dungeon and chains her to a wall and slams the door behind him. She is drugged and dying.
All the friends are arriving at the isolated house for a weekend of revelry. A break from school where they can all be themselves.

Connect with the characters
they all start playing around. We see who is coupled. Talking about her dad, strict, in the army. She’s a lesbian with her girlfriend there. Another female couple and a male couple.
Her father unexpectedly arrives. Silently furious at the partying. Claire grabs Marcus to cover and appease her father. Marcus won’t object because he knows what the deal is.

The characters are warned not to do it.
Claire warns everyone that her father is so strict and they talk about leaving but her dad tells them they’re here and there’s a storm coming so they better stay.

Denial of Horror
Someone leaves? It’s curious but they think he was just uncomfortable.
Safety taken away
Outdoors is booby trapped, Phone is cut off. No WiFi, can’t call out.

Monster: The nature of the beast.
Seems to be the dad, he’s furious and wants to punish them all. They don’t want to split up. They’ll keep disappearing if they do.
FOR NOW THEY ARE TRAPPED

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted
No phones, can’t leave. Rain. Traps. Furious dad.

One of us killed
One of them is dead. Knife wounds.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
we see the masked monster for the first time.
Marcus is exercising in the gym and Sargeant watches.
we find out at some point that it is a dishonorable discharge for beatings. That’s why he’s home.
The monster is full out attack mode.

Full pursuit by the killer
People screaming. More dying. Hysteria.

Terrorized
They find the bodies.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
They are scared to go anywhere. Dad has his shotgun and pistols.
He finds out that his daughter is not with Marcus. Thinks she is protecting him cause he’s gay. Kills Ryan for it after he sees Marcus and him making out –

Fight to the death
The father is trying to shoot the monster. The others can’t see him. So many of them are dead now.
Hysteria
The thrilling escape from death
Do they kill / trap the father and what happens to the monster? He escapes the trap and reappears. The daughter won;t kill him but he’s an escape artist and can’t be contained.
He doesn’t realize until now that the monster is only something that he sees unless he’s actually dressed as the monster.
He doesn’t know if he can kill the monster.
What does he do about Marcus
Death returns to take one or more.
What does he do when he finds out Claire is a lesbian?

Resolution
Who is left and the father ultimately has to be killed so they can escape and shut the power off so they can leave.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Characters for Horror

What I learned doing this assignment is to try and let go of expectations, just name people and their characteristics and allow it to change and evolve over time.

CONCEPT: When a rebellious young woman brings her diverse group of queer friends to her family’s remote lake house, her fanatically strict father enforces his own twisted rules—punishing disobedience with brutal, ritualistic discipline

GROUP: A diverse group of queer friends who just wanted a fun weekend, only to realize their host’s father sees them as “broken” souls in need of discipline… or disposal

Tell us the Dying Pattern of this movie.

Trying to escape the characters either die or are tortured one by one with only two surviving –
Escaping and booby trapped killed on the way out –
Avoiding the booby trap but killed by electric fence
Drugged and tyrapped in the dungeon, tortured
Monster maims and kills
Monster fights and kills
Monster gets beaten and revealed

Give us an Identity and a sentence for each character that makes up your group.

1. Claire Redding (22, Protagonist) – A queer, independent-minded young woman estranged from her military father. Claire spent years resisting his rigid, authoritarian upbringing, choosing to forge her own life in the city. She invites her friends to the ranch as an act of defiance, hoping to show them she’s not afraid of her father. However, when the horrors begin, she’s forced to confront the deep scars he left on her psyche and fight back on his terms.

2. The Villain: Colonel Richard Redding ANTAGONIST: A 50-something ex-military survivalist who lives by strict discipline, structure, and control. He views modern society as weak and indulgent, believing that pleasure is the root of all corruption. What he cannot admit—to himself or anyone else—is that he once loved another man and has spent his life trying to erase that part of himself. His self-loathing fuels his cruelty, making him a brutal and calculating force.

His rules are clear: Do not disobey. Do as you’re told, follow orders without question, and accept your punishments if you step out of line. His punishments are worse than death—they are designed to humiliate, break, and condition his victims into compliance.

5. Jude (23, Nonbinary, Black) – Claire’s best friend and the heart of the group. Jude is a charismatic bartender with a sharp wit and an unshakable sense of loyalty. As the stakes rise, they become the moral center, constantly rallying the group and challenging the Colonel’s authority with unbreakable defiance.

6. Ryan (22, Gay, Latino) – A sarcastic, thrill-seeking college dropout who masks his insecurities with humor. Ryan is the first to recognize the Colonel’s abusive tendencies, but his reckless nature puts him at risk. He’s also the first to suspect the Colonel’s hidden past, piecing together his repression through small clues.

7. Tasha (21, Lesbian, Asian-American) – A fiercely intelligent pre-med student with a pragmatic approach to survival. Tasha is the one who recognizes the psychological warfare the Colonel is waging, quickly realizing that breaking his “rules” strategically might be the key to escaping. Her knowledge of medicine and anatomy proves vital.

• This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z's Terrifying Monster

“What I learned doing this assignment is the more I can brainstorm what makes this monster unique the more interesting it becomes

Tell us what or who your monster is.

Their Terror: violent enfocement of unknown rules costs limbs, life and liberty – the monster orders the father to commit unspeakable horrors

Their Mystery: At first the guests don't know who or why it is happening – then they slowly start to piece it together

Their Fear Provoking Appearance: does he wear a mask? robot? so he's not himself when it's on –

Their Rules: anything that appears as disorder and the punishment, torture is meted out in relation to the infraction – if the father is tied up they realize the monster is also

Their Mythology: raised in a tremendously abusive home where he split his personality to save himself and now continues the abuse as love and discipline – cannot be gay or date or have sex before marriage – the REVEAL being that the father, disgraced army captain, is a paranoid schizophrenic and the monster is only visible to him, commanding him to commit these acts and the visitors have to realize that when they subdue him they will subdue the monster – but the father has no idea he is committing these atrocities until the end

• This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z – Bodies Bodies Bodies – Horror Conventions

Title / Concept: What happens when six friends stay at a mansion for the week-end and one of them is killed?

Terrorize The Characters: The first kill has his throat slashed while outside in the pouring rain

Isolation: paretns are gone / remote mansion / thunderstorm / no power / car battery dies

Death: They start accusing each other – after the saber throat slash, one is killed by a girl with kettle ball weights, one has a gun and is pushed off the balcony as they fight for possession, accusing each other / one is found at the bottom of the stairs, mysteriously dead / the remaining two – girlfriends, beat each other, fall into the pool and struggle against each other for survival

Monster/Villain: Similar to a Lord of the Flies scenario, once stranded they descend into chaos, each accusing the other for good reason that they are the killer and need to be subdued

High Tension: They stumble around in the darkness with just their phone flashlight, not knowing whether to stay together or hide from each other! As they are all accusing the others it's a matter of survival until dawn when they are picked up.

Departure from Reality: All the societal niceties are stripped away, there's nowhere to hide and none of their usual customs are available to them.

Moral Statement: Self-centered and rich, or lying for status, they have always hidden their true natures and finally they are revealed through chaos and violence

Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great horror film?
…… The level of tension is kept at a 10 throughout the movie, wondering who will die or be killed next – and in the end, it is discovered that none of them is responsible making their deadly activities all the more ludicrous

With your concept, fill in each of these Conventions for your story.

TITLE: DO NOT DISOBEY

Concept: A group of queer young adults visit their friend’s estranged father on his remote ranch, only to be subjected to his twisted military-style discipline. As they fight to survive, they uncover his darkest secret—his self-hatred is the real monster, and he’ll kill to keep it buried.

Terrorize The Characters: expectation of disobedience / being gay / enjoying sex, etc – electrocution, losing fingers, watching loved ones die, torture, medieval torture device collection

Isolation: The cabin is in a remote location and the outside is booby trapped because of the Captain’s paranoia.

Death: while trying to escape a grizzly death occurs when they realize they are trapped

Monster/Villain: He has no feelings and flips out when there is love or affection or any form of frivolity or happiness – it is also revealed that because of his abusive childhood and undiagnosed paranoid schizophrenia he is convinced he hears voices telling him that he needs to discipline children for their unpure thoughts

High Tension: They don’t know how to behave so anything can set him off and they could lose their lives.

Departure from Reality: Sharing a house with a maniac serial killer with the likelihood they will never escape.

Moral Statement: repression and childhood abuse will always follow you and fuck your life up and exhibit itself in the most horrendous ways.

• This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  David Zelitzky.
• This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

1. David Zelitzky
2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[David Zelitzky]

Hi there – David Zelitzky, taken a bunch of classes here – Master Screenwriter, Horror, Sub-text, etc. Working more on marketing now. Have written over 10 scripts – the last one being the best so I’m forgetting the others and concentrating on contained horror now.
Interesting thing? Hmmmm… third year abroad in Oxford, studied English Literature and feel Jane Austen influences all my writing! 🙂

• This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Query Letter

Genre: Contained Horror
Title: The Devil’s Diner

I have a female driven contained horror script.

Tessa hears her brother calling to her for help, but he’s unconscious on the floor of the diner where she works!

In a deserted town decimated by the drug epidemic, it turns out that he’s been given an overdose of Devil Dust, the most dangerous drug ever to hit the streets. And now they’re coming for her. There’s only one option:

She needs to sacrifice herself and take a massive dose to rescue him from wherever he’s trapped.

She takes a dosage strong enough to put her in a coma and she ends up transported to the underworld where all the dealer’s victims are trapped. She finally finds her brother but now he thinks he belongs there with all the other shadows who want her gone. Tessa barely escapes with her life.

Now she’s more determined than ever to go back and fight to the death to get him. Whatever the cost.

She discovers the powers to control the underworld she never realized she had and is able to finally defeat the dark forces to release the others and get her brother home.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Thank you,

David Zelitzky
dzelitzky@gmail.com
310.291.3283
BIO: Advanced Screenwriting Certificate – UCLA
Master Screenwriting Program – ScreenwritingU
Placed in several screenwriting competitions

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment is how to explain my story through hooks that are meaningful in the business and will create a desire to request the script.

Genre: Contained Horror
Title: The Devil’s Diner

I have a female driven contained horror script with an LGBTQ subplot.

Tessa’s brother lies dying on the floor of the diner where she works but she hears him calling to her for help!

Turns out that he’s been given an overdose by her boyfriend who’s been pushing the most dangerous drug ever to hit the streets. What can she do now?

She knows there’s only one option – sacrifice herself and take a massive dose to rescue him from wherever he’s calling her.

She forces her boyfriend to give her a dosage strong enough to put her in a coma and she ends up transported to the underworld where all the dealer’s victims are trapped. She finally finds her brother but now he thinks he belongs there and is marrying the dealer! Tessa barely escapes with her life.

But now she’s determined to go back and fight to the death to rescue him. Whatever the cost.

She discovers the powers she never realized she had and is able to finally defeat these dark forces and get her brother back home.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Thank you,

David Zelitzky
dzelitzky@gmail.com
310.291.3283
BIO: Advanced Screenwriting Certificate – UCLA
Master Screenwriting Program – ScreenwritingU
Placed in several screenwriting competitions

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is to get really clear about the shortest way to hook someone to read the script.

High Concept

Tessa sacrifices her life and overdoses to follow her brother into the underworld after he was tricked into using it.

What is your Elevator Pitch?
I have a screenplay about a young woman who has to sacrifice herself by overdosing to rescue her brother who has been transported to the underworld after succumbing to the most dangerous drug on the streets.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned doing this assignment is to focus on the unique and compelling aspects of my story above all else.

A. What is most unique about your villain and hero? A very strong young woman with the ability to see the underworld and other visions

B. Major hook of your opening scene? A strong woman suddenly taken down by her visions and working hard to ignore her abilities

C. Any turning points? Her brother is transported to the Underworld / she goes to rescue him

D. Emotional dilemma? She has to sacrifice her hard won sobriety and shoot up to save her brother

E. Major twists? Turns out she used to be an addict /

F. Reversals? Mick her BF only cares about his career but ends up sacrificing his life to save her

G. Character betrayals? Mick is the one that gives Chris the drugs that put him into a coma and he lies to her about it

H. Or any big surprises? Tessa is the only one that can travel back and forth to the underworld and can resist the drug enough to be able to do it

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Marketable Components

What I learned doing this assignment is to focus more directly on what makes tmy script attractive to people who make movies!

LOGLINE: In a dying small town where a deadly new drug has decimated the youth, Tessa has lost her brother to an overdose and makes the desperate decision to sacrifice herself by overdosing to find him in the underworld and bring him home

A. Unique. – New Drug transports users forever to the underworld
B. Great Title. The Devil’s Diner
D. Timely. There’s drug epidemic killing kids and we barely talk about it!
F. Ultimate. the DEADLIEST DRUG to hit the streets!
I. Similarity to a box-office success. – CONJURING meets UNDERWORLD
J. A great role for a bankable actor. – SEVERAL – Coming of age young badass woman and flamboyant troubled confused younger brother
3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate the components you chose for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through those components. – have changed the log line… making it the DEADLIEST and most FINAL drug..

Example: If you say your script has a great role, in one or two sentences, tell us how you can emphasize that role as you pitch your concept.
This young quiet woman keeps her abilities to herself until she is forced to use all her strength to fight anything in her way of saving her brother

[David Zelitzky]

Is anyone checking this page for feedback?
I have a horror / not slasher / feminist script would like to exchange… happy to read anything
Thanks,
David
dzdogs@hotmail.com

[David Zelitzky]

David Zelitzky’s Project and Market
Genre – Horror
Title – Hell’s Diner
Concept: Youth addicted to a new drug disappear into the underworld and must be rescued.
Most Attractive: This is a much needed young feminist movie with a strong and visual anti-drug message.
I will target FIRST — managers because I want someone who knows the business, can help me grow and possibly get me writing assignments to get something to the market
What I learned – getting serious about what makes a project attractive –

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Structure Solutions!

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to be really clear in my ability to answer where my inciting incident and act breaks take place, what happens and what scene

I made the inciting incident happen on the right page and made the incident much clearer as a possible change in her life…
I’m moving incidents for the close of Act 1 so the supernatural occurrences build more logically from less to most severe.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z Has Finished Act 4!

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is it’s okay to put notes in the script to fill out later… just get her done!

I finished yesterday… obviously needs a lot of work but I celebrated – I lifted both arms in the air and said yay! you did it! It felt anti-climactic but I’ve gotten so much better at allowing myself to write fast, put comments in the script for things to revisit later and put in 30% good dialog that will be revised down the line… but I’m finished!

[David Zelitzky]

David Z Continues Act 4

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is it's okay to put notes in as I write… knowing that I will fill them all out on subsequent drafts –

hows it going – I had stalled out a bit because there was an important interaction I wanted to get right… wanted the dialog to reflect the journey they had been on etc… but then just bit the bullet and put in a basic… I'm sorry… I love you… and it will become more meaningful as I revise and work on a dialog pass

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z Started Act 4

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is even deciding to write one sentence will give me ideas to continue… don’t get stuck before you start the day!

How it’s going… was worried that I had finished too soon but will be more comfortable adding the suspense and conflict on my subsequent drafts… celebrated that I finished!

[David Zelitzky]

David Z is Finishing Act 3

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is just keep moving forward… don’t look back or you’ll turn into a pillar of salt! Even when I just try to get a sense of where I left off I start revising… didn’t I kill this guy off earlier? So I just make a note in the script to check whether or not killing him here is better dramatically or decide if earlier was the better choice…

It’s a learning process… re-learning how to write without the pressure that what I’m writing cannot be changed so needs to be ‘right’ from the start… definitely not true!!

[David Zelitzky]

David Z Continuing Act 3

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is what if it's not five pages… what if I finished Act 3 in 2 pages? What if I need to add more… I'm slowly learning to allow that to happen… as I have found out that if the screenplay is too short at least it's finished and can be expanded and perfected in subsequent scenes… so that's what I'm learning and how it's going in a nutshell

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z Began Act 3

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to keep pushing through regardless of how bad I want to try to rewrite it!

I’m slowly but surely learning to just get the words on the page and know that I can go back and expand it later… the script is too short but it can easily be filled in with the suspense and fight scenes I need to happen in later drafts… trying very hard to allow myself that freedom… and put notes and phrases for what I want to have in those scenes rather than struggling to get the scene ‘right.’

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Completed Act 2

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I can insert more suspense later, I can choreograph fight scenes later, I can add more quiet suspense later, but now I have a completed Act 2 and know what I’m working with and I’m trying to celebrate that! 🙂

I think I’ll be finished in the next couple days and then I can move on to Draft 2! It’s been hard to let go of doing it ‘right’ but every day I’m trying to ease the pressure of that and push ahead.,.. seems to be working….. step by step…

[David Zelitzky]

David Z Continuing Act 2!

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I think if I had a better more complete outline I would be further along in the script but I’ve also written very brief scenes to get the outline connected to the script so my page count doesn’t really match what it will ultimately be after the rewrites –

how it is going for you… it’s still quite difficult – not gonna lie or sugar coat it… I stare at the page a lot and am happy to get a few lines down… did manage to write a scene last night and had my requisite celebration for doing so – definitely felt better to make some progress and think that I can see the ending in sight although it’s such a short script at this point without the time taken for back story or suspense, etc that I can’t get an accurate read on where exactly I am… so a lot of anxiety goes along with my writing that I’m trying to battle on a daily basis –

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Finished Act 1
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is it’s unfortunately getting increasingly hard to let go of perfectionism… my scenes are too short, I need back story… I have 25 pages and in another five I could be finished if I don’t start adding the back story, subtext, etc. But I’m pushing through and hope I have enough story to round it all out –

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Next Act 1 Scenes
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it’s not getting easier… the words struggle to come out, but I’m pushing through and trying to ignore the 30% quality of this draft and continue to write… but I have a lot of resistance!

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I’m becoming more aware of when I stop, what causes me to freeze up and how to continually recognize when it happens and learn how to push through. It’s a process!

[David Zelitzky]

David Z's High Speed Writing Rules

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is it's still a bit agonizing getting everything down into professional formatting but now I have a roadmap to follow so at this stage I'm trying to allow myself to just format and fill in the blanks.

How it went using the rules. It's a real process to let go of having a nice first draft! I have to remind myself constantly to power through and just make a note for anything I don't have the answer for. I think it's really good practice and hopefully I'll continue to improve and allow speed over perfection in these early drafts.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s First Scene
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is it’s nice to have a roadmap to follow as it takes one of the biggest stressors away.

The process was challenging as it’s hard to loosen up the requirements of having a great first draft. I don’t have much dialogue in the first scenes so that’s a bit challenging. But I wanted to create the world visually and have a sense of dread and suspense without much talking. It’s very nice to get it started tho… completed one big hurdle!!

[David Zelitzky]

I’m almost ready to exchange! Anyone interested please let me know – thanks!
David Z’s Outline Exchange 1
Title: Hell’s Diner
Written By: David Zelitzky
Email address: dzdogs@hotmail.com
Genre: Horror
Concept: : In small town American where the new drug, Devil Dust, has decimated the youth, Tessa has sworn to always stay clean but when Chris, her brother is taken down that deadly path by her lying, ambitious boyfriend, Mick, she has the gut-wrenching choice of either saving him by descending into that deadly world or trying to preserve her own life.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to remember these prompts as I finish the script!

ACT THREE:
Scene 19. INT – LADIES BATHROOM – NIGHT
(INTERESTING SETTING) Mick takes Tessa inside. He knows what Chris has taken. (Superior Position) He convinces her that the drugs are causing him hallucinations, maybe he can take it and see what he finds, knowing that she won’t let him. Tessa needs it. She can find him if she does the same thing. (Suspense) Mick says he’ll monitor them while she’s under.
Scene 20. INT – DINER – NIGHT
(SUSPENSE) Mick prepares the needle. Tessa takes Chris’s locket from around his neck so she can find her way back. She gives him her right arm. What’s happening? Foams at the mouth. They grab her and lay her down as she seizes uncontrollably. (CLIFFHANGER) She lies lifeless next to Chris. They use washcloths, hold her hand.
Scene 21. INT TESSA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
(UNCERTAINTY) She enters the house. Different. Shadows. Calling for Chris. Shadows fly past. She hears him crying. She finds him on the floor. (CHARACTER CHANGES RADICALLY) He yells at her. She’s ruined his life. Controlling. Because she has no life of her own. Says the worst possible thing. She grabs him. He throws her off and runs away. She cries.
Scene 22. INT TESSA’S BATHROOM – NIGHT
(UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Tessa runs in. Tries to wash her face. Hard to recognize. HALLUCINATING – SHE SEES her reflection. (SURPRISE) Skeletal. All her worst fears. Pulls a nail out. Hair is falling out. Monsters are banging down the door.
Rethink everything: She calls. Zombies come. NO ONE LETS HER GET TO CHRIS AS HE CRIES FOR HELP. WHEN SHE FINDS HIM HE DOESN’T WANT TO LEAVE. HE INSULTS HER. SAYS UNSPEAKABLE THINGS. IT’S NOT HIM BUT SHE HAS TO WONDER. DOES HE REALLY THINK ALL THIS? She has to fight them off. she is being battered and bloodied on the floor of the diner. They throw water on her. Wake her up. She’s furious TO COME BACK. THE OWNER OF THE DINER THREATENS. SHE FIGHTS HIM OFF. THROWS BOILING OIL FROM THE FRYER. HE SLIPS AND SKEWERS HIMSELF. DEAD. SHE HAS TO FIND CHRIS. AT ANY COST.
Scene 23. New plan… do it again and don’t fall for the hallucinations
Scene 24. Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – She can’t drag Chris back. They’re stuck. It’s been too long.

ACT FOUR:
Scene 25.
Scene 26. Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Fights with all the drugged, trapped people who don’t want anyone to leave. THE ONE IN CHARGE OF THE TRAPPED TORTURES HER. CHRIS SITS BY HIS SIDE. SHE HAS TO DECIDE TO DIE TO SAVE HIM.

[David Zelitzky]

DAVID Z’s Scene Requirements

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to be purposeful and exacting when creating a scene.

HELL’S DINER
Deserted, drab street. Boarded up shops.
Scene 1. EXT -DEAD LOOKING WET, GRAY TOWN – DAY
TESSA, 25, runs through the gray mist, sweating, pushing harder. Has her hoodie up. Barely see her. Cell phone Rings. She looks. Mick with cute head shot. She turns it off and pockets it. Continues to run. Unseen eyes peer from above. She feels them and tries to ignore it.
Essence: She’s unhappy and plagued by visions.
Conflict: She doesn’t want to talk to anyone.
Subtext: Is something after her? Does this happen often?
Hope/fear: She’s unsafe… hope she makes it through her run

Stops to stretch. Has terrible headache. Visions.
Scene 2. EXT. CEMETARY – DAY
Rain continues. Just three gray figures standing at a gravesite. Tessa holds her head. Barely see her face.
Scene 3. EXT. SMALL, RUNDOWN HOUSE – DAY
The peering eyes seem closer than before. Tessa stops and listens. Goes inside.
HOPE/FEAR – she’s still in danger
SUBTEXT – she doesn’t seem surprised but deals with these visions like it’s all happened before
Scene 4. INT. TESSA’S HOUSE – DAY
Tessa comes in, picks up after Chris. Yells that she’s not his maid. Seems it’s her BF but find out it’s her flamboyant brother. She tells him to hurry. He’s smoking pot, checking outside. Tessa tells Chris he better not talk to parker anymore… closet case is bad news… Chris says… yeah… Mick isn’t exactly a saint…
Conflict: They have an uneasy relationship. Seems to bicker and have different approaches
Subtext: Chris is paranoid. Tessa doesn’t share that she’s also had visions.
Hope/fear: Is there really something outside? Are they in danger?

Scene 5. EXT – CEMETARY – DAY
Gray, drizzling, empty except for Chris and Tessa and a priest reading from the bible. Tessa sees Mick talking to someone in a black limo. He stops on the way back to her at a strung out dude and they exchange something. When Mick returns to Tessa Chris flicks his cigarette. Not at Mom’s funeral. And we see the pale, sniffing guy walking away, suddenly drop to the ground with a massive seizure. Motionless.
Scene Arc: Mom’s funeral, a disagreement, uneasy relationship. Killer drugs
Essence: Seems that Mick is selling and people are dying while Chris and Tessa mourn.
Conflict: Mick and Chris have a very uneasy relationship. Tessa tries not to fight with Mick but he’s very irresponsible and she holds her temper while he sweet talks her.
Subtext: Drugs are circulating and everyone seems to accept the town is dying.
Hope/fear: the atmosphere seems very dangerous

Scene 6. EXT. DINER – DAY
Mick and their two friends are planning Tessa’s surprise birthday party. Mick sneaks off to deal drugs to a homeless guy in the alley. When he sees Tessa coming he runs back but homeless guy has seizure and disappears into the brick wall. Mick wants his money and thinks the deadbeat skipped out.
Scene Arc: Trying to set up a party and be happy but it’s deadly all around
Essence: Trying to be happy but can’t avoid the addiction and death.
Conflict: Mick tries to hide what he’s doing. Tessa hates her job
Subtext: Tessa wants to leave and is trying hard to make that happen
Hope/fear: It’s a dangerous place and the drug will kill you if you touch it.

Scene 7. EXT. – STREET – DAY
Tessa walks to work, stopping to see if someone is there. Homeless guy jumps out at her. She knows him – still feels eyes – in the trees? Where?
Scene 8. INT – TESSA’S HOUSE – DAY
Chris gets high, smokes, listens to music to drown out scratching and noise from somewhere he’s not sure. But it’s the old house. It’s creepy and he doesn’t want to stay. He gets dressed, smokes more, but seems there’s a figure in the shadows? He’s imagining it? Tessa told him to stay put but he can’t stay there. Texts Tessa he’s coming there.
Scene Arc: Chris wants to be comfortable at home but he can’t ignore the visions he’s having anymore
Essence: It’s a dangerous world and Chris is running from all the signs of it.
Conflict: He’s supposed to stay there but can’t force himself to do it anymore.
Subtext: He’s able to see the evil forces at work and is trying hard to ignore them.
Hope/fear: He’s in a lot of danger and there doesn’t seem to be anywhere he’s safe.

Scene 9. EXT – STREETS – DAY
Chris tries to act brave as he hurries down the street. Past passed out homeless guys. A car slows down, throws something, yells a slur. Chris stops, yells, flips them off. The car stops, backs up.
Scene 10. EXT – BACK OF DINER – DAY
Mick and her two friends try to fool around and have a party but Tessa stops, grabs her head, another headache. It’s Chris. They try to stop her but she runs down the street to find him.
Scene 11. EXT STREET – DAY
Tessa runs down the street and stops the boys from kicking Chris while he’s on the ground. They fight, rescues Chris. Chases them off. Walks him back, nursing wounds.
Scene 12. INT DINER – DAY
Her friends try to come in and continue celebrating. Owner kicks them out. Mick says they’ll wait. Chris is having a cigarette and Mick sits next to him. Flirts shamelessly. Says he has just the thing to make him feel better. Chris is a sucker for his charms. They go around the corner and Chris shoots up. He follows them back and then says he doesn’t feel well. Passes out. Unconscious. Mick runs to get Tessa. She comes out. Calls paramedics. Tries to nurse Chris. Yells at Mick. No one is sure what’s just happened.
Scene Arc: Party might be over, they take it outside and think things are okay and then obviously not.
Essence: Mick has revealed himself to us as a liar and a pusher.
Conflict: Between everyone. Diner owner yelling at Tessa to get back to work. Tessa yelling at Mick. Trying to revive Chris.
Subtext: Chris trying to hide that he’s a pusher. Tessa wants out of the relationship. Wants to tell Mick she’s moving away.
Hope/fear: Will Chris make it? We fear he won’t. Everyone else has died or disappeared. No one knows.

ACT TWO:
Midpoint Turning Point: Mick says he ‘found’ what he used and she lets him shoot her up.
HER COWORKER IS SCARED TO DEATH AND RUNS OUTSIDE. BRUTALLY MURDERED. NO ONE LEAVES HERE!!
The escalating body count creates a sense of dread and urgency as Tessa fights to save her brother and herself.

Scene 13. INT DINER – DAY
Tessa and her friends – couple worried customers – trying to revive Chris. On phone talking to paramedics. Diner owner yelling to work. Chris is seizing.. alive but unconscious. Tessa is trying to hold her temper with Mick – he claims he doesn’t know what happened but it’s not looking goo.

Scene Arc: they are frantic, waiting for paramedics, suspicions arise, fighting to keep Chris alive.
Essence: The drugs are killing everyone. What is the solution.
Conflict: Tessa is beginning to realize Mick is controlling this. Her friends want to leave
Subtext:
Hope/fear:

Scene 14. INT – Tessa’s Hell House – NIGHT
Chris is lost. Those shadows he’s been seeing are here. There’s no way out. They’re trying to catch him. Calling his name, tearing his clothes. Throwing him to the ground. He calls for Tessa.

Scene 15. INT DINER – DAY
Tessa holds Chris’ hand. Mick convinces her – she has to follow him and get him back – the only way.
Scene 16. EXT DINER – DAY
Raining harder. Paramedics arrive. Homeless, drugged people swarm the car, pull them out. They’ll never make it.
Scene 17. INT – DINER – DAY
Tessa and her friends see it and are helpless to stop it. They’re on their own.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Intriguing Moments

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is this is a good reminder to make sure we take these events to the extreme for maximum impact.

TITLE: HELL’S DINER
GENRE: HORROR

ACT ONE
Chris keeps it a secret from Tessa that he has been meeting up with Parker without anyone knowing…

SECRETS – Both Chris and Tessa hear and/or have visions and don’t want to acknowledge it to each other until they have no choice –

SUPERIOR POSITION – We start to see that Mick is a user and can’t be trusted… Chris sees it first and then Tessa finally does – she wants to believe the best in people and is charmed by him

SCHEME – Mick is coerced into making sure that all the kids – Tessa and Chris – are shot up and addicted to further his career.

ACT TWO

MYSTERY – How will Tessa escape the underworld created by Devil Dust? Once it has everyone in its grips most will never escape and die or are lost forever.

SURPRISE: Tessa was a drug addict and swore she would never shoot up and ruin her life again. Her parents are gone and now there is no other way to rescue Chris.

ACT THREE:

CHARACTER CHANGE: Tessa starts to find her strength as she fights the dark forces and works against the hallucinations that were holding her back.

INTERNAL DILEMMA: Tessa has to decide if she gives up her health and possibly her life to rescue Chris and bring him back from the brink. Her LOVE of him and BONDING makes the decision unavoidable.

ACT FOUR:

MISLEAD/REVEAL: Mick has been the evil force throughout but he is consumed by guilt when he says the chaos that has been brought and when he SACRIFICES himself we actually feel for him – finally.

SUSPENSE/UNCERTAINTY – Do Chris and Tessa track down Drug Lord and make sure he never hurts anyone else? Will they risk or lose their own lives in the process?

CHARACTER CHANGES RADICALLY: Tessa becomes her own super hero and refuses to back down anymore.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Emotional Moments
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I can find more emotional moments than I had previously thought.

ACT ONE:

Surprise – when Tessa comes in and talks to Chris off-screen we think he is her boyfriend but then find out he is definitely gay… and her brother!

Bonding – Tessa knows that Chris is in trouble… she is so bonded to him and runs outside to chase the bashers away and save him!

Betrayal – Tessa trusts Mick to watch over Chris but Mick talks him into shooting up with Devil Dust and he goes unconscious.

ACT TWO:

SURPRISE: Anyone who leaves the diner is murdered.

BONDING: Tessa hears Chris calling to her even though he’s unconscious and can’t be revived.

LOVE: Tessa shoots up to follow Chris to wherever he went to save him.

SACRIFICE/COURAGE: Does Tessa give up everything, her health and almost her life to rescue Chris.

MORAL ISSUE: Does Tessa break it off with Mick? No matter how apologetic he is she can’t forgive what he’s done and discovers the rest of it.

DISTRESS/HIDDEN WEAKNESS – Mick realizes what he’s done – he had no idea… he was at the mercy of the drug lord and getting his career started… he doesn’t know how to correct what he’s done.

ACT THREE:

HIDDEN WEAKNESS/DISTRESS – As Tessa lies lifeless next to Chris she enters his realm. HALLUCINDATING – SHE SEES her reflection. Skeletal. Pulls a nail out. Hair is falling out.
LOVE/BONDING: WHEN SHE FINDS HIM HE DOESN’T WANT TO LEAVE. HE INSULTS HER. SAYS UNSPEAKABLE THINGS. She knows IT’S NOT HIM BUT SHE STILL HAS TO WONDER. DOES HE REALLY THINK ALL THIS? And tries to save him even tho he doesn’t want to be saved by her.
LOVE/BONDING – She’s more determined than ever to get Chris back and ignore the hallucinations.
Act 4:
EXCITEMENT: fights with all the drugged, trapped people who don’t want anyone to leave. the one in charge of the trapped tortures her. Chris sits by his side. she has to decide to die to save him.
BETRAYAL: When they get back, battered and exhausted mick reveals himself as the pusher who has to get them to overdose for his career.
DISTRESS/SACRIFICE/MORAL ISSUE: Mick prepares a massive dose for Tessa. he almost hits his mark but she grabs he needle. screaming he knows it’s the end. Chris has visions. he can control mick who is forced to shoot up, dying. they’re dying everywhere from this pusher. the limo drives slowly past, looking at who has survived. does mick have a crisis of conscience and shoot himself up to follow Tessa?

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Character Action Tracks!

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is it’s hard to come up with action events for every scene!

Act 1: Introduction

Establishing Resolve: Tessa lectures Chris about staying clean and the evils of Devil Dust while she cleans the house and makes a protein shake. This action establishes her commitment to staying clean and protecting others.

Confronting Mick: Tessa confronts Mick about her suspicions and possible involvement with the drug, showing her proactive stance and determination to protect her brother and others from addiction. He convinces her it’s just career stuff… not drugs.

Monitoring Chris: Chris calls Tessa as he’s coming to the diner. Does Tessa rescue Chris from being bashed? Then takes him to the diner to nurse his black eye. This shows her protective nature and her initial distrust of the world around them.

Making a Promise: Tessa makes a heartfelt promise to Chris that she will always be there to protect him, setting the stage for the internal conflict when she might have to break this promise.

Act 2: Rising Tension

Investigating Mick’s Activities: Tessa finds evidence in his backpack of his involvement in the Devil Dust trade. This risky move highlights her growing desperation and bravery.

Seeking Help: Tessa hears on the news and from her friends at the diner that this drug is killing everyone. How easy it is to overdose and the people seem to disappear completely! This shows her willingness to learn and adapt.

Confronting Chris: Tessa realizes Chris has used Devil Dust and tries to intervene. Was Mick involved? This action shows her direct involvement and the beginning of her internal struggle.

Sacrificing Trust: Chris is so depressed over being bashed, Tessa’s anger, etc that he succumbs to Mick’s advances and shoots up. Tessa decides to temporarily alienate herself from Chris to try and scare him into quitting. This painful decision marks the start of her internal conflict between her principles and her love for her brother.

Act 3: Descent

Entering Dangerous Territory: Tessa sees the effects of Devil Dust, the people laying in the gutters, trying to break in to get to Mick. She knows she has to go where they have gone to rescue Chris. This represents her descent into the world she swore to avoid. Forces Mick to say it was Limo Man pushing.

Confronting Dealers: Tessa confronts the Limo Man, demanding information about Mick and Chris. Her courage and determination put her at great risk but show her commitment to saving her brother.

Using Herself as Bait: Tessa pretends to be interested in using Devil Dust to get closer to the dealers and Mick. This shows her willingness to sacrifice her safety and principles. Limo Man knows he has her if he has Chris.

Bargaining with Mick: Tessa offers Mick something – that she’ll try Devil Dust to make his ‘manager’ happy – in exchange for Chris’s freedom or getting him back. This act of desperation underscores her internal conflict and the lengths she’s willing to go.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution

Rescue Attempt: Tessa plans and executes a daring rescue to pull Chris out of a drug den. This action is the culmination of her external journey and shows her bravery.

Final Confrontation: Tessa faces Mick in a final showdown, revealing her growth from a passive to an active protector. Does she use the knowledge she’s gained to outsmart him? Or guilt him into shooting up? Etc…

Sacrificial Act: Tessa takes Devil Dust herself to save Chris from an overdose, putting her own life at risk. This selfless act demonstrates her ultimate transformation.

Aftermath: As Tessa recovers (or doesn’t, depending on your ending), she continues to fight against the drug epidemic, now with firsthand experience. This final action solidifies her role as a selfless protector and advocate, having embraced the dangerous world she once feared to save her brother.

Tessa and Chris can leave the diner now because they’ve both been in Devil Dust hell and the zombie/addicted will leave them alone and continue their hunt for the drugs, not understanding they’re hunting for their own death. Tessa is determined to get the drugs off the street and Chris has learned how to stand up for himself and band together with his sister to fight the drug war.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s New Outline Beats!

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is once you have the full outline it's easier to go back and lay in the events that have to happen as precursors which makes for a complete and compelling story

HORROR ELEMENTS – LAY IN MORE SURPRISES, SCARES AND DEATH THROUGHOUT
ACT ONE
Chris needs to see and hear visions earlier on so when he succumbs to them we know he has no choice.
We need to see that the addicts who are left in the town are willing to kill for another high so when we get all the hallucinations and killings at the end we’ve laid that in already.
The black limousine drives slowly by the cemetery which is like a black cloud we see frequently… it threatens Mick inside and out every time he sees it.
Customer runs out and is killed… we know they can’t escape.
ACT TWO
Decide when to reveal that Tessa abused drugs… maybe for her anxiety. That she’s risking her sobriety as well as her life and future by rescuing Chris.
Decide how much to reveal about Mick sacrificing his friends and life to get ahead and become famous.
He knows he can keep using his charm and looks to get what he wants.
ACT THREE
The hell creates reality for everyone. Chris thinks he doesn’t want to leave and Tessa is falling apart… her reality is crumbling and Chris has become a total asshole under the influence.
Go back and forth… like in the Matrix… to show how they’re suffering in the Diner and have to be brought back.
They bring Tessa back before she can get Chris to agree to come and she needs to go back and be even stronger than she was.
Drug addicts waiting outside to kill them. Girlfriend dies when she runs outside… or customer…
ACT FOUR
Has to be the violent fight… Tessa almost dies… people in the diner are gone.
After getting Chris to come to his senses he can come back.
Does Mick shoot up to save them or to punish himself? Has a seizure – gives up on life after the guilt of what he’s done.
Chris and Tessa need to decide that enough people have died… Does Mick try to save them? Does he stop Tessa from shooting up again? Does he grab the needle from her so she can’t do it again? Does she want to go back to save someone else… Withdrawals? How else is the drug a killer?

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is this is the hardest assignment so far… almost like writing the script in shorthand!
GENRE: HORROR
ACT ONE: Tessa loses her brother Chris to an overdose

Tessa / Protagonist = PJ
Chris / Co-Protagonist = CPJ
Mick / Antagonistn= AJ
GENRE CONVENTIONS – ISOLATION/DEPARTURE FROM REALITY
PJ: At the cemetery burying their mom, Tessa takes on the mother role to Chris
CPJ: Chris tries to numb the pain by sneaking a joint
AJ: Mick excuses himself and makes a drug deal with an addict behind a tree who staggers away – convulses and dies.
PJ: Tessa jogs through the dying town, sweating, determined to live through it.
CPJ: Chris dresses up, ignores voices. Looks outside, see shadows, Tessa coming back. Opens window to dispense pot smoke.
PJ: Tessa warns Chris to stop smoking, try to be healthy, stay away from Parker that asshole closet case.
CPJ: Chris says that Mick isn’t exactly a saint so she shouldn’t be talking… Parker is the best he’s going to get in this hell hole.
AJ: Mick tries to plan a surprise birthday party for Tessa’s 25th with their only two friends.
PJ: Tessa hurries to work as she feels eyes on her… looks behind her… nothing… homeless guy jumps in front!
CPJ: Chris hears scratching, faint voices crying for help, getting closer, banging on the door, throws on his colorful outfit has to run outside.
AJ: Mick meets a homeless guy behind the restaurant – shoots him up with the new Devil Dust – When Mick goes to see Tessa homeless guy, high as hell, is slammed repeatedly into the brick wall, disappears, leaving old back pack which Mick takes all the money from.
PJ: Tessa has to work. Sick of it. Her friends wait for her.
AJ: Black stretch limo pulls up for Mick. Drug Lord threatens to break his pretty nose if he doesn’t get Chris and Tessa to take the new drug. He has to figure out a way.
CPJ: Car passes Chris as he tries to run to the Diner, yellow derogatory term, Chris turns and flips them off. Brake lights come on. Chris is in trouble.
AJ: Mick and their two best friends wait with balloons. He’s good at pretending to be a loving BF.
PJ: Tessa has to stay and work. Other server called in sick. She’s stuck… again.
CPJ: Chris shows up, beaten, tries to act like it’s nothing. THE BEGINNING OF THE END
PJ: Tessa washes him up. Has to get back to work.
AJ: Mick takes Chris out back. ULTERIOR MOTIVE TO SAVE HIMSELF… flirts with Chris.
CPJ: Chris against his better judgment allows himself to be seduced.
AJ: Mick talks him into shooting up with the new DD that will make all his problems go away.
CPJ: Mick shoots him up and Chris goes unconscious.
PJ: Tessa hears him calling to her – runs out back to him but he’s unresponsive!
GENRE = DEATH AND ISOLATION!
ACT TWO

New plan:
PJ: Tessa tries frantically to revive Chris… barely a heartbeat.
AJ: Mick says he calls paramedics DOESN’T. Deceitful.
DEEPER LAYER – HE’S NOT A TRUE BOYFRIEND – MUCH MORE FOR TESSA TO DISCOVER
PJ: Tessa calls and they arrive. They are brutally murdered by drugged zombies pulled from truck.
AJ: Mick tries desperately to cover his tracks. ‘Finds the drugs.’ He knows it’s the new DD.
PJ: Hears Chris calling again. Looks all over. Goes to the store room. Calling for help.
AJ: Mick tries to hide evidence.
IT WILL BE OVER WHEN TESSA FINDS OUT THE TRUTH!
PJ: Plan in action. Tessa realizes she has to follow him and get him back – the only way.
Midpoint Turning Point:
AJ: Mick says he ‘found’ what he used – LIAR
PJ: Mick tries to find a vein… he’s scared… doesn’t want to. She does it. Seems like she’s done it before.

THE GIRL IS SCARED TO DEATH AND RUNS OUTSIDE. BRUTALLY MURDERED. NO ONE LEAVES HERE!!
The escalating body count creates a sense of dread and urgency as Tessa fights to save her brother and herself.

Act 3:
PJ: As she lies lifeless next to Chris she enters his realm. HALLUCINDATING – SHE SEES her reflection. Skeletal. Pulls a nail out. Hair is falling out.
Rethink everything: She calls. Zombies come. NO ONE LETS HER GET TO CHRIS AS HE CRIES FOR HELP. WHEN SHE FINDS HIM. HE DOESN’T WANT TO LEAVE. HE INSULTS HER. SAYS UNSPEAKABLE THINGS. IT’S NOT HIM BUT SHE HAS TO WONDER. DOES HE REALLY THINK ALL THIS? She has to fight them off. she is being battered and bloodied on the floor of the diner. They throw water on her. Wake her up. She’s furious TO COME BACK. THE OWNER OF THE DINER THREATENS. SHE FIGHTS HIM OFF. THROWS BOILING OIL FROM THE FRYER. HE SLIPS AND SKEWERS HIMSELF. DEAD. SHE HAS TO FIND CHRIS. AT ANY COST.
New plan… do it again and don’t fall for the hallucinations
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – She can’t drag Chris back. They’re stuck. It’s been too long.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Fights with all the drugged, trapped people who don’t want anyone to leave.

CHRIS WANTS TO STAY. FEELS POWERFUL –
THE ONE IN CHARGE OF THE TRAPPED TORTURES HER. CHRIS SITS BY HIS SIDE. SHE HAS TO DECIDE TO DIE TO SAVE HIM.
WHEN THEY GET BACK, BATTERED AND EXHAUSTED MICK REVEALS HIMSELF AS THE PUSHER WHO HAS TO GET THEM TO OVERDOSE FOR HIS CAREER. HE FINDS HIS FRIEND, THEY FIGHT AND MICK JABS THE NEEDLE DEEP INTO HIS NECK KILLING HIM.
Resolution: MICK PREPARES A MASSIVE DOSE – supposedly FOR TESSA. HE GRABS HE NEEDLE. SCREAMING HE KNOWS IT’S THE END. CRYING… REMORSE… GUILT AT THE DEATH… FINALLY GIVES UP AND SHOOTS HIMSELF UP INSTEAD… GONE FOREVER.

THE LIMO DRIVES SLOWLY PAST, LOOKING AT WHO HAS SURVIVED.
MORAL STATEMENT… DRUGS WILL DEFINITELY KILL YOU AND CAUSE YOU TO SUFFER – THOSE THAT PUSH THEM AND LIE WILL PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE!!

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Deeper Layers!
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is this is the difficult part that gets to the heart of the story and the hidden motivation that make this a meaningful and more deeply profound movie and not just a week-end horror movie.
Surface Layer: Tessa is working hard to get out of this town with her brother, trying to stay healthy and keep him together.
Deeper Layer: She’s controlling and doesn’t show her emotions because of her grief over losing their mother
Major Reveal: She has been battling drug addiction her whole life.
Influences Surface Story: She can’t forgive Mick for dealing drugs. Her friends know her issues but never talk about it.
Hints: Her anger at her brother for smoking pot, her obsession with working out and eating healthy foods only.
Changes Reality: Now we see the pull that all the drugs surrounding Tessa has on her, her anger with anyone that has anything to do with it and her

[David Zelitzky]

David Z's Character Structure
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.
What I learned from doing this assignment is when you have all these foundation exercises in place the script is mostly done when you sit down to write it!

GENRE: HORROR – Hell’s Diner
Character Journey for Tessa (Protagonist)
Beginning:
Starting Point: Tessa begins as a determined and principled young woman. She has sworn to stay clean and protect her brother, Chris, from the devastating effects of Devil Dust. She is focused on maintaining a healthy lifestyle and escaping the toxic environment of their small town.
Turning Point:
Twist 1: Tessa is afraid that Chris will be seduced by the new drug killing kids in this godforsaken town. She realizes her brother is in immediate danger, and her current approach isn't enough to save him.
Midpoint:

Twist 2: Tessa has suspicions about Mick and sees how people are dying around him.
Turning Point: Tessa discovers Chris has overdosed and they call 911 to rescue him.

Twist 3: The paramedics are killed. They're alone. Tessa hears Chris. She knows she's the only one that can help. This twist forces Tessa to make even riskier moves to protect her brother.
Dilemma:

Two Unacceptable Choices: Tessa faces an agonizing choice: she can follow Chris down the darkest path to rescue him, or abandon her brother to save herself. Both choices seem equally devastating.
Major Conflict:

Ultimate Conflict: Tessa is consumed by Devil Dust and now she must navigate through the darkness, facing physical and moral dangers, to rescue her brother. Reality is twisted. Her visions of herself dying. Emaciated. Chris refuses help. He's not himself. This ultimate confrontation forces her to rely on all her newfound skills and courage.
Ending:

World Changed: Tessa successfully rescues Chris but not without significant sacrifice. She is left deeply scarred by the ordeal. Tessa evolves into a courageous and selfless protector, no longer just focused on survival but on creating a safer world for her brother. Her actions have changed the town's trajectory, offering hope where there was once despair.

Character Journey for Mick (Antagonist)
Beginning:
Starting Point: Mick starts as a charismatic yet ruthless young man, driven by the trauma of his abusive childhood. His ambition is fueled by a promise from the drug lord that he will become famous or be killed if he fails to get everyone hooked or eliminate them.
Turning Point:

Twist 1: Mick sees an opportunity in Chris, recognizing his vulnerability and need for acceptance. By coming on to Chris and getting him hooked, Mick aims to solidify his position within the drug trade, thinking this will secure his future as a celebrity and fulfill the drug lord's demands.
Midpoint:

Twist 2: Mick’s relationship with Tessa is falling apart when she realizes Mick's involvement in the drug trade. His initial confidence wavers as he realizes she might be a significant threat to his plans.
Turning Point:

Twist 3: Mick realizes Tessa might die and is locked in his dilemma of his future as a star or killing everyone who has ever meant anything to him. Mick’s desperation and allegiance highlights the depth of his ruthlessness.
Dilemma:

Two Unacceptable Choices: Mick is faced with a dilemma: he can either eliminate Tessa and Chris to secure his position, which would further erode his already fragile humanity, or he can risk his life by defying the drug lord’s orders to save them, a move that could lead to his own death.
Major Conflict:

Ultimate Conflict: Mick is forced into a direct confrontation with Tessa. His internal conflict between his humanity and ambition peaks during a brutal encounter where he must decide whether to kill Tessa or try to rescue her by shooting up and risking his own life.
Ending:

World Changed: Mick’s ambition leads to his downfall. During the confrontation, he is mortally wounded. In his final moments, he realizes the futility of his pursuits and the damage caused by his actions. His death dismantles the drug operation, indirectly aiding Tessa’s efforts. Mick's end serves as a tragic reminder of the destructive power of unchecked ambition and unresolved trauma AND HOW DRUGS ALWAYS END IN DEATH!

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Supporting Characters
Vision: I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.
What I learned from doing this assignment is thinking pragmatically about how we can further the plot and purpose of the story using supporting characters for that role

Support 1: Mick’s friend
Name: Ross
Role: To back up Mick, support him without question until he dies doing it
Main purpose: To show us there is no end that Mick will not go to in order to fulfill his ambitions
Value: We need to see him die to know that this is serious business and the risk of everyone dying is very real

Support 2: Ross’s girlfriend
Name: Cortney
Role: Airhead, disbelieves what is happening
Main purpose: to die showing us that no one can leave the diner without losing their life
Value: Up the tension and answers the question why isn’t anyone leaving this situation

Support 3:
Name: Scottie
Role: Owns diner
Main purpose: To die. To create tension by being an asshole
Value: Re-affirming why Tessa can’t wait to quit and leave her job and this town. There’s nothing pleasant here!

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Character Profiles Part 2
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is there are always deeper layers to add to create complex characters.

Tessa – Protagonist
Character Subtext:
Tessa is hiding her past struggle with drug use after her mother’s death. She deeply regrets this period and fears that it undermines her ability to protect and save her brother, Chris. She also secretly saves money to escape the town with Chris, not telling him to avoid raising his hopes prematurely.

Flaw:
Her biggest internal issue is her tendency to shoulder all responsibilities alone, driven by guilt over her past. This makes her reluctant to seek help or trust others, leading to isolation and burnout.

Values:
Tessa deeply values family and loyalty, driven by her love for her brother and the memory of her mother. She believes in resilience and the possibility of redemption, both for herself and for Chris.

Character Dilemma:
Tessa’s internal conflict stems from her desire to save her brother versus her need to protect herself and preserve her own future. She is torn between descending into the dangerous world of Devil Dust to rescue Chris or escaping the town to ensure her own survival and future well-being.

Chris – brother – co-protagonist
Character Subtext:
Chris is secretly struggling with his romantic feelings for another boy in town. He hides this aspect of himself due to fear of rejection and judgment in their conservative community. Additionally, he conceals the extent of his drug use and involvement with dangerous individuals from Tessa.

Character Intrigue:
Chris has a hidden agenda to fit in and be accepted by the local youth, even if it means engaging in risky behaviors. His deception involves downplaying his involvement with Devil Dust to his sister and others.

Flaw:
Chris’s internal issue is his deep-seated insecurity and desire for acceptance, which often leads him to make poor decisions and align with people who do not have his best interests at heart.

Values:
Chris values acceptance and love, desperately wanting to belong and be understood. He also values his relationship with Tessa, even if he sometimes feels overshadowed by her.

Character Dilemma:
Chris faces a conflict between his need for acceptance in a hostile environment and his intrinsic desire to be true to himself. This is compounded by his fear of disappointing Tessa and the consequences of his drug use.

Mick – BF/Antagonist
Character Subtext:
Mick is hiding the trauma of his abusive childhood, which drives his ruthless ambition. He masks his fear of vulnerability and the belief that power and control are the only ways to ensure he is never hurt again.

Character Intrigue:
Mick’s hidden agenda is to rise to power within the local drug trade. His deception involves manipulating Tessa and others to further his ambitions while secretly plotting against the current drug dealer with a rival gang.

Flaw:
Mick’s internal issue is his inability to trust anyone, stemming from his past abuse. This paranoia leads him to sabotage relationships and rely on manipulation, which ultimately undermines his own goals.

Values:
Mick values power and control above all else, believing these are essential for survival and success. Despite his harsh exterior, he also values loyalty, though he struggles to recognize it in others due to his distrust.

Character Dilemma:
His desire for power is in constant conflict with his buried need for genuine connection and redemption.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z's Character Profiles Part 1
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

WHAT I LEARNED: Continuing to add depth to the characters creates more interest and a deeper understanding of their motivation

TESSA/PROTAGONIST CHARACTER JOURNEY
Arc Begins: Tessa starts as a determined young woman who has sworn to stay clean in a city plagued by the devastating effects of Devil Dust. She is steadfast in her resolve to protect herself and her brother from the dangers of addiction, but her commitment is tested when her brother falls victim to the drug.
Arc Ends: By the conclusion of the story, Tessa undergoes a profound transformation. She evolves from a cautious and principled individual to a courageous and selfless protector. Her journey forces her to confront her fears and inner demons, ultimately leading her to sacrifice her own safety in order to save her brother.
ATTRACTOR: She's a fighter when her back is up against the wall. Action in the face of insurmountable odds.
She's a runner, she knows martial arts, she will overdose to save her brother and fight demons risking her life to help
She goes from silent and unexpressed to being a fighter, seeing reality of who her real friends are and destroying those who would harm her or her brother
Role in the Story: Catalyst for change, fights to save her brother
Age range and Description: 21 years old – healthy, wiry, unconcerned with enhancing her natural good looks
Core Traits: committed to her health, motherly, principled
Motivation; Want/Need: to get out of this town / to keep her brother safe
Wound: Lost her mother and cannot replace that hole in her heart
Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Her strong will to stay healthy and her resolve to save money to leave the town show her as someone who is hardworking and determined, qualities that are generally admired.
CHRIS – CO-PROTAGONIST
This character’s journey – From being a victim, ignoring his visions and numbing the pain to fighting for his life and deciding to rescue others
C. The Actor Attractors for this character – flamboyant, hiding pain, numbing visions, learning to fight
Role in the Story: Tessa's brother – taking her down a dark path towards death to save him and ultimately the other kids dying from the drug
Age range and Description: 18 – flamboyant, pale, trying to be beautiful
Core Traits: Happy, high, sensitive
Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to move away to the city – needs to be loved and accepted.
Wound: Bullied for being gay, dad rejected him before he left
Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Chris tries hard to have people like him. He gets bullied and masks his pain. He sees supernatural occurrences that no one else does so has to hide his feelings and numb his pain.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  David Zelitzky.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  David Zelitzky.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to continue pushing for layers to all the main characters.
Tessa (Protagonist)
Likability:
Caring Nature: Tessa is shown taking care of her brother Chris in small but meaningful ways, such as cooking his favorite meals, or defending him from bullies.
Determination: Her strong will to stay healthy and her resolve to save money to leave the town show her as someone who is hardworking and determined, qualities that are generally admired.
Relatability:
Struggle with Responsibility: Tessa’s sense of responsibility for her brother, especially after the death of their mother, is something many people can relate to, particularly those who have had to take on a caretaker role.
Desire for Escape: Her longing to escape a toxic environment and build a better life is a universal aspiration, making her relatable to anyone who has ever felt trapped by their circumstances.
Empathy:
Emotional Vulnerability: Scenes that show Tessa’s moments of vulnerability, such as breaking down when alone or confiding in a friend about her fears and frustrations, can make the audience empathize with her struggles.
Sacrifices: Highlighting the sacrifices she makes for Chris, like giving up personal dreams or enduring hardship, can deepen the audience’s empathy for her.

Mick (Antagonist)
Likability:
Charismatic: Mick can be portrayed as charming and charismatic, winning people over with his confidence and social skills. This likability can create a compelling contrast with his darker actions.
Moments of Kindness: Showing Mick in moments where he helps others, even if it’s for selfish reasons, can make him appear more human and multifaceted.
Relatability:
Ambition and Desperation: Mick’s ambition to rise above his circumstances and his desperation to escape his past can be relatable to anyone who has felt driven to change their life for the better, even if his methods are flawed.
Empathy:
Backstory: Providing a glimpse into Mick’s traumatic childhood and the abuse he suffered can evoke empathy from the audience, helping them understand the roots of his ruthless behavior. DOES THE PUSHER THREATEN TO SCAR HIS FACE IF HE DOESN’T GET MORE PEOPLE HOOKED? BEAT HIM UP?
Inner Conflict: Highlighting moments where Mick shows regret or conflict about his actions, such as hesitating before committing a harmful act or expressing sorrow in private, can make the audience empathize with his internal struggle.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z's Character Intrigue
VISION: I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.
What I learned from doing this assignment is there are still more layers to uncover bringing even more depth
TESSA/PROTAGONIST
Unspoken Wound: The death of her mother, who was her role model and anchor, left a void that fuels her need to protect Chris and escape the town.
Secret Identity: Tessa sees herself as a silent guardian and avenger, tasked with protecting her brother and possibly the town, even if it means sacrificing her own future.
Chris/CO-PROTAGONIST
Hidden Agenda: Chris wants to fit in and be accepted, but he’s also quietly trying to find a way to express his true self in a stifling environment.
Secret: Chris is hiding his romantic feelings for another boy in town, terrified of the repercussions in their conservative community.
MICK-ANTAGONIST
Secret: Mick’s charm masks a traumatic childhood of neglect and abuse, which fuels his ruthless ambition and desire for control.
Deception: He pretends to care deeply for Tessa while using her connections and trust to further his own goals.
Unspoken Wound: Mick’s past abuse has left him with a deep-seated belief that power and control are the only ways to ensure he’s never hurt again.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z's subtext characters
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.
What I learned: Subtext gives the characters depth and is the most interesting thing about them.
Character Name: Tessa
Subtext Identity: Victim
Subtext Trait: motherly
Subtext Logline: Tessa has had to take on a lot of responsibility since her parents are gone and works hard on her patience and guidance,
Possible Areas of Subtext: She's controlling with her brother to keep him safe and forgiving with her boyfriend in the face of all evidence that she should not trust him.

Character Name: Chris – Tessa's brother
Subtext Identity: Sensitive and Flamboyant Outsider
Subtext Trait: Charismatic, creative, and yearning for acceptance and love
Subtext Logline: Chris is Deeply insecure and desperate to find a place where he belongs, hiding his vulnerability behind a vibrant exterior
Possible Areas of Subtext: Despite his outward confidence, Chris often makes covert decisions driven by his need for approval and love, sometimes from the wrong people

• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Actor attractors!
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to always create character with depth and complexity that I know their unique character before I even start on the script.
Role: Tessa: Protagonist
What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
she’s a fighter when her back is up against the wall. Action in the face of insurmountable odds.
What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
she’s sensitive, she’s a fighter and she won’t take bullshit from anyone when her family is threatened.
What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
she’s a runner, she knows martial arts, she will overdose to save her brother and fight demons risking her life to help
How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
she’s at her mother’s funeral, running in a hoodie through deserted streets, sensing danger, fighting through her suspicions, making her brother drink a protein shake to take care of him
What could be this character’s emotional range
She goes from silent and unexpressed to being a fighter, seeing reality of who her real friends are and destroying those who would harm her or her brother
What subtext can the actor play?
she misses her mom… feels responsible for her brother and is trying to figure out a way to leave this town and the people holding her back
What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
she totally accepts her brother and is motherly to him… is blind to her boyfriend’s faults because she only sees the good in people… until she doesn’t
How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
She plays a lot of subtext with her eyes and body language because she doesn’t stand up for herself verbally. When she talks you better listen.
What could make this character special and unique?
No one would expect that she knows martial arts. She has a personality that isn’t found in this dying town…
Role: Chris: Co-Protagonist
What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
He’s sensitive and flamboyant and wants to be loved… stands out in this middle American town.
What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He’s colorful and articulate and calls people out on their bullshit.
What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
He can dance and dress up… wear some makeup… sensitive to supernatural occurrences and can control them.
How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He’s the most colorful personality in the story. He has a sixth sense and is unapologetically himself
What could be this character’s emotional range
He’s scared of his visions – gets high to numb them… can get very angry and very loving
What subtext can the actor play?
He’s used to being bullied and has internalized it and learned to fight back by being even more flamboyant
What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
He has a loving, complex, and unique relationship with his sister.. they can talk about anything and be brutally honest
How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Through his dress and mannerisms.
What could make this character special and unique?
There are no strong, gay, flamboyant, sensitives being portrayed in the media

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Actor attractors for Immaculate with Sidney Sweeney
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is thinking conscientiously about the range of emotions and the transformation the actor goes through really helps to keeo me thinking about my own protagonist’s changes.

Lead Character Name:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
Goes from sweet and unsuspecting to take charge, fighting for her life and destroying her own devil baby after giving birth in a field trying to run away.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
Everyone is against her. She’s on her own to figure it out, take con

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

6. What subtext can the actor play?

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

9. What makes this character special and unique?

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

[David Zelitzky]

David Z's Genre Conventions
VISION: I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.
WHAT I LEARNED: MORE CLARITY ON GENRE CONVENTIONS. ADDING ELEMENTS TO HIGHLIGHT THEM.

ISOLATION:
DEATH:
MONSTER/VILLAIN:
HIGH TENSION:
DEPARTURE FROM REALITY:
MORAL STATEMENT
Act 1:
Opening: Coming in from a run, drinking a shake. Her brother Chris – flamboyant, sensitive, smoking pot.
FRIENDS PLANNING HER 21ST BIRTHDAY PARTY WHILE MICK DEALS DRUGS TO A HOMELESS GUY WHO HAS A VIOLENT REACTION, DISAPPEARING INTO A BRICK WALL.
TESSA WALKS TO WORK, SURE SHE IS BEING WATCHED UNTIL A FIGURE JUMPS OUT AT HER. SHE KNOWS HIM AS HE BEGS FOR MONEY BUT SHE STILL FEELS EYES ON HER.
Inciting Incident: Birthday party shows how empty and trapped she is.
Turning Point; AS CHRIS GOES OUT TO HAVE A CIGARETTE Her brother is CHARMED BY MICK WHO FLIRST SHAMELESSLY to do Devil Dust and BECOMES unresponsive. IS HE DEAD?
Act 2:
New plan: Try reviving Chris. Call Paramedics. They are brutally murdered.
Plan in action. She hears Chris. She realizes she has to follow him and get him back – the only way.
Midpoint Turning Point: Mick says he 'found' what he used and she lets him shoot her up.
HER COWORKER IS SCARED TO DEATH AND RUNS OUTSIDE. BRUTALLY MURDERED. NO ONE LEAVES HERE!!
Act 3:
As she lies lifeless next to Chris she enters his realm. HALLUCINDATING – SHE SEES her reflection. Skeletal. Pulls a nail out. Hair is falling out.
Rethink everything: She calls. Zombies come. NO ONE LETS HER GET TO CHRIS AS HE CRIES FOR HELP. WHEN SHE FINDS HIM HE DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE. HE INSULTS HER. SAYS UNSPEAKABLE THINGS. IT'S NOT HIM BUT SHE HAS TO WONDER. DOES HE REALLY THINK ALL THIS? She has to fight them off. she is being battered and bloodied on the floor of the diner. They throw water on her. Wake her up. She's furious TO COME BACK. THE OWNER OF THE DINER THREATENS. SHE FIGHTS HIM OFF. THROWS BOILING OIL FROM THE FRYER. HE SLIPS AND SKEWERS HIMSELF. DEAD. SHE HAS TO FIND CHRIS. AT ANY COST.
New plan… do it again and don't fall for the hallucinations
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – She can't drag Chris back. They're stuck. It's been too long.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Fights with all the drugged, trapped people who don't want anyone to leave. THE ONE IN CHARGE OF THE TRAPPED TORTURES HER. CHRIS SITS BY HIS SIDE. SHE HAS TO DECIDE TO DIE TO SAVE HIM.
WHEN THEY GET BACK, BATTERED AND EXHAUSTED MICK REVEALS HIMSELF AS THE PUSHER WHO HAS TO GET THEM TO OVERDOSE FOR HIS CAREER. HE FINDS HIS FRIEND, THEY FIGHT AND MICK JABS THE NEEDLE DEEP INTO HIS NECK KILLING HIM.
Resolution: MICK PREPARES A MASSIVE DOSE FOR TESSA. HE ALMOST HITS HIS MARK BUT SHE GRABS HE NEEDLE. SCREAMING HE KNOWS IT'S THE END. CHRIS HAS VISIONS. HE CAN CONTROL MICK WHO IS FORCED TO SHOOT UP, DYING. THEY'RE DYING EVERYWHERE FROM THIS PUSHER. THE LIMO DRIVES SLOWLY PAST, LOOKING AT WHO HAS SURVIVED.
MICK DROVE HER CAR TO WORK SO TESSA AND CHRIS DRIVE OFF TO FIND WHERE THE NEXT FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL WILL BE.
CHAT GPT
• Mick emerges as the primary villain, embodying the monstrous nature of addiction and exploitation. His manipulation and control over Tessa and Chris add layers of terror to the story.
• The users under Mick's influence become monstrous figures, driven by their addiction to inflict harm on others.
• Mick emerges as the primary villain, embodying the monstrous nature of addiction and exploitation. His manipulation and control over Tessa and Chris add layers of terror to the story.
• The users under Mick's influence become monstrous figures, driven by their addiction to inflict harm on others.
• Mick emerges as the primary villain, embodying the monstrous nature of addiction and exploitation. His manipulation and control over Tessa and Chris add layers of terror to the story.
• The users under Mick's influence become monstrous figures, driven by their addiction to inflict harm on others.
• The screenplay grapples with moral dilemmas surrounding addiction, sacrifice, and the lengths one will go to save a loved one.
• Tessa's journey becomes a reflection of the moral ambiguity inherent in confronting the monstrous forces of addiction and exploitation.
• By integrating these genre conventions, your screenplay becomes a chilling tale of survival and sacrifice in the face of unimaginable horror.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

VISION:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.
WHAT I LEARNED:
Be clear from the beginning where you’re going and THEN you can add subtext and dialogue.

Concept: The new Devil Dust has decimated the youth of her city and she’s sworn to always stay clean but when her brother is taken down that deadly path she has the gut-wrenching choice of either saving him by descending into that deadly world or trying to preserve her own life.
Main Conflict: She has no idea her boyfriend is a pusher making a deal with the devil to get everyone hooked but and now she has to overdose to get her brother back
Old Ways: Committed to health and leaving this dying town, scared to speak up about her feelings
New Ways: : Realizes she would do anything for her brother and has the strength to fight those who stand in her way

Act 1:

Opening: Coming in from a run, drinking a shake. Her brother Chris – flamboyant, sensitive, smoking pot.
Inciting Incident: Birthday party shows how empty and trapped she is.
Turning Point; Her brother is convinced to do Devil Dust and is unresponsive
Act 2:
New plan: Try reviving Chris. Call Paramedics. They are brutally murdered.
Plan in action. She hears Chris. She realizes she has to follow him and get him back – the only way.
Midpoint Turning Point: Mick says he ‘found’ what he used and she lets him shoot her up.
Act 3:
As she lies lifeless next to Chris she enters his realm. She begins looking. Catches her reflection. Skeletal. Pulls a nail out. Hair is falling out.
Rethink everything: She calls. Zombies come. She has to fight them off. she is being battered and bloodied on the floor of the diner. They throw water on her. Wake her up. She’s furious… Has to find him
New plan… do it again and don’t fall for the hallucinations that appear as reality
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – She can’t drag Chris back. They’re stuck. It’s been too long.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Fights with all the drugged, trapped people who don’t want anyone to leave
Resolution: She find her strength to fight them all off… drag her brother back and decide to continue the fight wherever it takes them.
CHAT GPT:
Act 1:

Opening: Tessa works in a diner in a small, dying town.
Inciting Incident: Tessa realizes that drugs are ravaging the youth who haven’t left the town.
Turning Point: Mick secretly gets her brother, Chris, to shoot up Devil Dust, leaving him alive but unresponsive.
Act 2:

New Plan: Tessa begins to understand that the drugs have ensnared Chris.
Plan in Action: Tessa hears Chris’s voice calling to her and decides to follow him by taking Devil Dust herself, despite her commitment to staying clean.
Midpoint Turning Point: Tessa hallucinates and faces terrifying challenges to her reality. She’s saved from further harm by her diner friends, but she’s distraught as she still needs to save Chris.

Act 3:

Rethink Everything: Tessa realizes that Mick is the true enemy, not just the drugs. She confronts him, tying him down and administering Devil Dust to prove its danger.
New Plan: Tessa decides to rescue Chris by doing the same thing she despises.
Turning Point: Mick, tied down and forced to face the reality of his actions, reveals a major shift in the situation, leading to a huge failure or significant change.
Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: A massive fight ensues as Tessa fights to rescue Chris from the clutches of Devil Dust. They emerge victorious but scarred, deciding to help other trapped kids as they leave the rubble behind.
Resolution: Tessa and Chris, transformed by their harrowing ordeal, leave their old town behind, determined to make a difference and prevent others from falling victim to the deadly drug.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s subtext plot

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is behaviors and thoughts are exposed even when we try to hide them

A Major Cover Up:
Tessa doesn’t know that her boyfriend Mick gave the drugs to her brother and he’s the pusher that causing all the death around her.
Competitive Agendas:
Mick is only concerned with his ambitions and will do whatever it takes to get there and Tessa is focused on rescuing her brother and ridding the town of the drug that are decimating the kids.
CHAT GPT
Layering:
Initially, Tessa believes her brother’s descent into addiction is solely due to peer pressure and poor choices. However, as she delves deeper, she uncovers a layer of sinister manipulation orchestrated by Mick, who has been preying on vulnerable youth to expand his drug empire. The revelation of Mick’s true intentions adds a chilling layer of horror to the story, as Tessa realizes the extent of the evil she’s up against.
Someone Hides Who They Are:
Throughout the screenplay, Mick presents himself as a caring boyfriend and supportive figure to Tessa, hiding his true nature as a ruthless drug dealer. As Tessa starts noticing inconsistencies and suspicious behavior, she begins to investigate, eventually uncovering Mick’s double life. The discovery shatters her trust and sets off a chain of events that leads to a confrontation with Mick and the dangerous world he represents.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z's Transformational Journey

Vision:

I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS: to bring more clarity to the emotional journey and realizing that's what this story is truly about

Arc Beginning: Committed to health and leaving this dying town, scared to speak up about her feelings

Arc Ending: Realizes she would do anything for her brother and has the strength to fight those who stand in her way

Internal Journey: shy and unable to talk about her feelings

External Journey: Able to fight for freedom and do whatever it takes to strike out on her own

Old Ways: quiet worker, never speaks up

New Ways: doesn't put up with bullshit and willing to point it out and fight against it

AI SUGGESTIONS:

Protagonist's Character Arc:

Arc Begins: Tessa starts as a determined young woman who has sworn to stay clean in a city plagued by the devastating effects of Devil Dust. She is steadfast in her resolve to protect herself and her brother from the dangers of addiction, but her commitment is tested when her brother falls victim to the drug.

Arc Ends: By the conclusion of the story, Tessa undergoes a profound transformation. She evolves from a cautious and principled individual to a courageous and selfless protector. Her journey forces her to confront her fears and inner demons, ultimately leading her to sacrifice her own safety in order to save her brother.

Internal/External Journey:
Internal Journey: Tessa's internal journey is marked by a tumultuous struggle with her own values and beliefs. She battles with feelings of guilt, fear, and desperation as she grapples with the moral dilemma of whether to succumb to the allure of Devil Dust to save her brother or to uphold her principles at the risk of losing him.

External Journey: Externally, Tessa's journey is characterized by a series of increasingly perilous encounters and decisions. She navigates the dangerous world of addiction and crime, confronting both physical threats and moral dilemmas as she fights to rescue her brother from the clutches of the drug.

Old Ways/New Ways:
Old Ways: At the beginning of the movie, Tessa's old ways are marked by her rigid adherence to her principles and her reluctance to compromise her values. She is hesitant to confront the harsh realities of the world around her, preferring to maintain a safe distance from the dangers of addiction and temptation.

New Ways: By the end of the movie, Tessa's new ways reflect her newfound courage and resilience. She is willing to challenge her own beliefs and make difficult sacrifices in order to protect her loved ones. Tessa emerges as a stronger and more compassionate individual, capable of confronting the darkness within herself and the world around her.
Improvement Suggestions:

Ensure that Tessa's transformation is depicted gradually throughout the story, with each obstacle she faces contributing to her growth and development.
Provide moments of internal reflection for Tessa to explore her evolving thoughts and emotions, allowing the audience to empathize with her struggles.
Showcase Tessa's internal conflict through her actions and decisions, highlighting the tension between her desire to protect her brother and her commitment to staying true to herself.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z's Intentional Characters
Vision:

I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

WHAT I LEARNED: Solidifying intentional characters for my story

CHARACTER: Tessa/Protagonist

LOGLINE: Committed to her healthy lifestyle but loves her brother so much she would do anything – even overdose.

UNIQUE: In a small town decimated by drug deaths she is determined to be healthy and make a difference

CHARACTER: MICK/ANTAGONIST:

LOGLINE: Committed to being a famous model he'll do anything, even push drugs to his girlfriend's brother

UNIQUE: He's the major problem with this dying city: selling drugs and killing the youth

CHAT GPT FEEDBACK:
Character: Tessa

Role: Protagonist

Journey: Tessa begins as a young woman dedicated to staying clean in a city ravaged by the effects of Devil Dust, a deadly drug. Her journey takes a drastic turn when her brother, whom she loves dearly, falls victim to the drug's allure. Tessa's resolve to keep herself and her brother away from the drug is tested as she faces the gut-wrenching choice of either descending into the dangerous world of drugs to save him or trying to preserve her own life and sanity.

Unique: Tessa's uniqueness lies in her unwavering determination to protect her brother, even if it means sacrificing her own principles and safety. She is a complex character who struggles with the moral dilemma of saving her brother while risking her own well-being. Tessa's strength and vulnerability make her a compelling protagonist whom the audience can empathize with and root for throughout her journey.

Intentional: Tessa's character is intentionally crafted to embody the internal conflict and moral complexities inherent in the story's theme of sacrifice and redemption. Her journey serves as the emotional core of the narrative, driving the plot forward and compelling the audience to contemplate the lengths one would go to for the ones they love.

Character: Mick

Role: Antagonist

Journey: Mick is a charismatic and ambitious young man who sees Devil Dust not only as a means to achieve his own goals but also as a tool to manipulate others, including Tessa's brother, into furthering his own agenda. His journey revolves around his relentless pursuit of success and recognition in the modeling world, even if it means exploiting vulnerable individuals and perpetuating the cycle of addiction.

Unique: What sets Mick apart is his calculated manipulation and willingness to do whatever it takes to get ahead, even if it means sacrificing the well-being of others. His charm and persuasive abilities make him a formidable antagonist who poses a constant threat to Tessa and her brother. Mick's backstory and motivations add depth to his character, highlighting the darker aspects of ambition and greed.

Intentional: Mick's character serves as a stark contrast to Tessa, embodying the corrupting influence of ambition and addiction. His actions propel the conflict forward, serving as the primary obstacle to Tessa's quest to save her brother. Mick's presence heightens the tension and stakes of the story, forcing Tessa to confront her own demons and make difficult choices in order to protect the ones she loves.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  David Zelitzky.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  David Zelitzky.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  David Zelitzky.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  David Zelitzky.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

DAVID ZELITZKY'S TITLE, CONCEPT AND CHARACTER STRUCTURE
Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

WHAT I LEARNED: Is to continually find more clarity in stating the concept/hook and outline

I CLAIM OWNERSHIP OF:
TITLE: Descent into Darkness
GENRE: HORROR
CONCEPT: The new Devil Dust has decimated the youth of her city and she's sworn to always stay clean but when her brother is taken down that deadly path she has the gut-wrenching choice of either saving him by descending into that deadly world or trying to preserve her own life.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE: Dramatic two character protagonist/antagonist

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

hey everyone – I’m David Zelitzky… I’ve written about a dozen scripts over the years… only a few that are presentable 🙂 I’ve been through the Master Screenwriting class twice – plus several other here and a couple years writing at UCLA Professional Program.

What I hope here is to get my Mojo back – either start a new script or dig into the latest one and get that presentable for a contest or a manager. I feel like I’m finally understanding what makes a good script so now I need some fresh ideas to put my thoughts into action …

Unique about me? Studied classical ballet in England for a year when I was young… now I train and show dogs… scent work, retrieving etc… Have two Goldens and a Border Collie!

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  David Zelitzky.

[David Zelitzky]

“I agree to the terms of this release form.”

[David Zelitzky]

Born from the collective guilt and buried traumas of its people, the creatures are both a punishment and a reflection of humanity’s darkest fears…..
you must be a fiction writer… so eloquent and prosaic…

[David Zelitzky]

Also take a look at 28 days of night where the vampires live because it’s Alaska and they can be outside all day and terrorize people. Really good movie

[David Zelitzky]

Hey there Nick – be careful of condemning horror cliches and then having backwoods low IQ people senselessly killing kids. That trope has been around – certainly since Deliverance in 1972 or Texas Chainsaw Massacre in 1974 when a group of friends fall victim to cannibals, or The Hills Have Eyes, Wes Craven – the cannibalistic mountain folk on the trail of stranded vacationers in the Southwestern desert.
You might think about adding a supernatural element, like they are being controlled by an external force they don’t understand or are doing it to save themselves from death, etc… something with a more unique take on inbred low IQ mountain folk –
Just a thought 🙂

[David Zelitzky]

Let me know what you think… it has stuck with me since I saw it. Such accomplished handling of a very small budget –

[David Zelitzky]

It just opened this week. I saw a Thursday preview.

[David Zelitzky]

Have you seen Presence yet? The new Soderbergh movie written by David Koepp… contained… haunted house… so good!!

[David Zelitzky]

A lonely man must give up his love for a wayward elf if he wants to save Xmas and return him to the North Pole.
Sounds like an awesome movie I want to see!

[David Zelitzky]

have you watched Resident Alien? Really fun series –

[David Zelitzky]

have you seen the movie Upgrade? Leigh Whannell movie… really good nanotech controlling a paralyzed guy…

[David Zelitzky]

my scenes are really short too! I think they’ll beef up during rewrites… but at 20 pages my outline seems to be at the end of Act 2!

[David Zelitzky]

have you seen The First Omen?