[Ira Drower]

Horror Emotions – Lesson 10
I Lewis Drower’s Scene using Apprehension/Anxiety, Surprise, and Shock
What I learned from this assignment was that using these three emotions early in the story can add to the audience’s anxiety and fears for the characters in the story.
Scene – Dinner at the Group Home
INT – GROUP HOME – NIGHT
Leah and Grace set the table in the group kitchen as Rob finishes preparing chili for dinner. Skeeter and Tony place the folding chairs in position. Becky sits quietly in a corner staring at the table.
LEAH
So, have you thought about what we want to do this weekend? It is the last weekend we will all be together before school starts.
ROB
We could binge watch Kobra Kai?
GRACE
We need to go somewhere, do something. I’m off this weekend and want to be outside. When was the last time you went out, Rob?
LEAH
Yeah, Rob. You are looking mighty pale these days.
GRACE
Speaking of pale, anyone hear from the Princess?
SKEETER
She sent a text. She is on her way with Jack.
LEAH
Ugh. He is such an asshole.
GRACE
She is always getting out of doing chores around here.
SKEETER
You know, I thought I saw Caretaker today. He was in the stands at Becky’s swim meet.
TONY
I swear I saw him on a bus.
LEAH
I thought I saw him, too.
GRACE
Me, too.
SKEETER
That dude was scary.
TONY
Are you saying that because he was black?
SKEETER
No, uh. No. It’s not a black thing Tony. Um…
TONY
No, I’m just messing with you. You’re right. He was frigging scary.
A large shadowy figure appears at the doorway. Skeeter, Leah, and Becky freeze and gasp as they stare at the figure. Diane’s boyfriend, Jack, enters the kitchen followed by Diane.
LEAH
Oh, man you guys scared the crap out of us.
GRACE
Missed out on chores again.
DIANE
Jack brought beer.
TONY
You know we are not allowed alcohol in the home, Diane.
Diane
You can’t make an exception to this one time?
TONY
It’s the rule. If we don’t follow it, we can’t live here. OK, let’s sit down and eat so we can discuss this weekend’s activity. Jack, can you set them on the side for now?

Rob serves the bowls of chili to everyone as they take their places at the table.
DIANE
You know, I thought I saw him on a motorcycle as Jack and I were driving here.
LEAH
That’s hysterical, Caretaker as a biker. Was he wearing any biker colors?
GRACE
Maybe he was delivering flowers.

The group breaks out in laughter except Jack.
JACK
Who’s Caretaker?
TONY
He was the groundskeeper at Miss Marie’s Gardening camp we all went to as kids. He didn’t say much but when he did you jumped.
SKEETER
Rumor has it the camp closed because he killed Miss Marie and buried her in her own garden.
GRACE
We should totally go there for the weekend.
ROB
Are you crazy it’s a murder scene.
LEAH
No murder, Rob. That place was shut down by the state after too many kids ran away from the camp and disappeared.
JACK
What did you guys do at the camp? Plant flowers? Mow the lawn?

Stunned silence from the group.
TONY
I honestly can’t remember a thing about what we did at the camp. Just remember Miss Marie and Caretaker.
BECKY
I remember her nursery rhyme. Trees will sway and flowers will swoon. Plants erupt under the blood red moon.
LEAH
Not too creepy, Becky. Take a break.
GRACE
The camp is supposedly abandoned for years. We could go camping and hiking in the area.
TONY
We could bring our bikes, too.
JACK
So, you all want to visit a summer camp you went to years ago, but no one can remember a thing about it?
DIANE
I’m in. Maybe being there will help us remember the fun we had.
ROB
Or not.

The house director, JOHN, a heavyset man in his thirties enters the kitchen and joins the group.
DIRECTOR JOHN
So, last weekend before everyone split up for school or work. Diane will be leaving us for her 1st semester at USC. Skeeter is back at forestry school. Some of you will still be here. You have any plans for your last weekend together?
GRACE
We’re going to Simi Valley to visit our old summer gardening camp.
DIRECTOR JOHN
You know there isn’t cell service in that area. And we are expecting some wicked weather. You sure you want to go?
TONY
We will pack all the necessary gear. It will be nice to disconnect from the real world for a few days.
DIRECTOR JOHN
Just make sure you look out for each other.

[Ira Drower]

I Lewis Drower’s Readable Outline – Lesson 9
If you want to swap scripts please feel free to email me.
What I learned from this lesson is once all of the background information is assembled the scenes can be rewritten as a short synopsis.

The Garden of Evil – Night of the Blood Red Moon
By I. Lewis Drower
I_drower@yahoo.com

Gen 3:24
And he cast Adam out, and set at the entering of the garden Eden, Cherubim with a naked sword moving in and out, to keep the way to the tree of life.

Act I. Set up for Horror
EXT – CAMPSITE / LAKE – DAY
Two Drug Cartel pot growers are relaxing by a lake in a remote valley, the former Mystic Gardens Campsite. As the sun sets they drink their beer and discuss the grow operation. Vegetation on top of the lake moves closer to shore. A blood-red moon appears in the sky.
Hermano remarks, “The trees and bushes sway but there is no wind.” As Chano steps closer to the lake’s edge the lake vegetation shoots out its long leaves like the spasdic tentacles of a giant squid and grabs Chano, wrapping its leaves around him and dragging him into the water.
Hermano steps cautiously toward the water’s edge stopping just short. He searches the water for his accomplice. Bushes with spikes near the man strike him repeatedly. As he calls to Chano he removes his belt and tosses one end into the lake screaming for Chano.
Chano reappears and still wrapped in leaves gasping for air. A giant mouth filled with sharp teeth appears at the center of the giant leaves. Hermano runs into lake and drags Chano to shore cutting the leaves with his machete. The monster plant retreats under water. “What the hell is that?” shouts a hysterical Hermano. Chano removes the rest of the leaves still wrapped around his body, grabs his rifle and shoots randomly into the lake.
Chano is whacked from behind by a swaying tree’s branch and dropped into the lake where the monster plant wraps him up again and drags him below the surface. Hermano freaks out and runs into a nearby shed with a dirt floor as bushes and grasses and trees attack him. “Mother Mary of God what is this cursed place?” A mound of dirt begins to grow behind Hermano. A dark form with a straw hat towers over him. Hermano feels his heart pump out of his chest he is grabbed by the form and thrown into a chair. Creeping vines wrap themselves around him securing him in place. Chano screams, “My arms, my arms!” A dry crackling voice responds, “I’ll give you something better than arms.” Blood splatters on the walls of the cabin as the screams turn to gurgling and suddenly stop.

EXT – Santa Monica – Day
We see the main characters, former wards of the state during a normal day.
Leah is marching in a protest at a college she doesn’t attend. She is a paid protester. She thinks she sees the Caretaker from the Garden Camp she attended seven years ago. She looks again and he is gone.
Tony is the unofficial leader of the group. He is a trick bicycle rider and assists other youngsters with tricks. On his way home he thinks he spots the Caretaker on the bus next to him.
Rob is the self-appointed cook of the group and is out to pick up some spices from the local store. He buys a candy bar and steals the spices. He thinks he sees the Caretaker bagging groceries.
Grace works at a flower shop near the Group Home where former wards of California live. She gives a quarter to a panhandler but does a double take when she thinks she sees the Caretaker.
Becky is completing a practice competition at the Junior College she attends as a member of the swimming team. She continues to swim after winning her race. Her boyfriend, Skeeter, sits in the seats for the home team. He glances over to the opposite stands and also sees the Caretaker.
Jack, the starting quarterback at USC and Diane cruise around in Jack’s convertible. Diane glances at a motorcyclist next to the car and shivers at what she sees. The rider looks like the Caretaker.
INT – GROUP HOME – NIGHT
A group of former wards of the state meet in their group home for a dinner on the last weekend of summer. Diane’s boyfriend Jack joins them. Rob prepares chili as the rest of the group discuss how to spend their last weekend together. Tony suggests visiting their old, abandoned summer camp. The others chimed in and swore they saw the Caretaker from their Garden camp for underprivileged kids they attended seven years ago. Grace exclaims, “Ooh, back to nature and plants, yes.” Jack asks, what is so special about this camp? None of them can recall a single thing about their visit or time spent at the camp except for the Caretaker and Miss Marie, the Master Gardener. Rob shudders at the thought of the Caretaker. The resident director of the home warns the group about heavy storm warnings and poor cell service in the remote area.
EXT – HIGHWAY 101 – DAY
The group heads off in their minibus loaded with supplies and bikes followed by Diane in Jack’s Camaro. At the campsite they discover the remnants of a pot crop and a cell phone with disturbing pictures of monstrous sized carnivorous plants. Skeeter, the forestry student, informs the group, “These types of plants are typically smaller. There must be something unique in the soil to make them grow to this size.” The others dismiss the video as cartoonish photoshop for amusement. Tony agrees. “There are no plants in sight that look like this.” Skeeter is unconvinced and searches the area with Becky for clues. Diane gives Jack a hand job in one of the old bunks in the main cabin as the rest enjoy the day and reminisce about their past experience at the camp.
Leah, Rob, Tony, and Grace clean up weeds in Madame Marie’s Garden. As the sun sets Becky goes for a swim in the lake.
Act II. THE POINT OF NO RETURN
EXT – CABIN – NIGHT
The group prank Jack who storms off to leave while the group laughs hysterically. As Becky approaches the shore a blood red moon appears in the sky. Lake vegetation follow Becky to shore and shoots out its tendrils of leaves as Becky reaches down for her towel, the leaves miss her. She dries and walks toward the group stepping on some cool moss the ground gives way, and her foot is chomped on by a large plant hidden underground. Becky screams in agony. The group attempts to rush to her aid only to be attacked by tree branches, vines, spiked bushes, and grasses that cut them. Screams pierce the night air as they frantically try to save Becky and themselves.
Jack returns in his car and plows into the bushes and attacking plants with his Camaro running into Rob but causing enough damage to the plants that they release their stranglehold. Skeeter rushes to Becky’s aid using rocks and broken sticks to pry her mangled foot from the monster plants mouth. They all rush back into the cabin and secure the door.
INT – CABIN – NIGHT
Becky screaming in agony is placed on a bunk as Tony bandages what is left of her leg and shouts. “We need to get her to a hospital now.” Jack yells, “The road is gone!” Tree branches bang on the cabin walls and roof as panic races through the room. “This can’t be happening”, screeches Leah. Skeeter tries to comfort Becky who is hysterical. He reaches into his backpack and pulls out a syringe. He heats up a bent spoon with some powder which liquifies and draws it into the syringe. He injects it into Becky who immediately collapses into a stupor on the bed.
Grace recites the nursery rhyme Madame Marie used to tell them years ago. “The bushes sway, and the trees swoon. Dancing ‘Neath the blood-red moon.” “What the hell does that mean?”, asks Jack.
“It means we’re fucked if we don’t get out of here now”, informs Tony.
Jack fires everyone up to attack the plants. We can use the brush cutters, and axes left by the pot growers.
They decide to create a distraction, so Tony can ride out to a nearby town and call for help.
The remaining group grabs the garden tools and head outside.
EXT – CAMPSITE – NIGHT
The teens attack the plants yelling and screaming, whacking away at the trees, bushes, vines, and plants as Tony rides off avoiding the attacking plants. The power tools do the most damage, causing the plants to retreat allowing Tony to make his escape on his bike.
A clematis vine creeps through a broken window and wraps itself around Becky’s leg.
The group fights the plants with power tools, axes, and a machete until the fuel runs out. The group is beaten back and retreats into the cabin.
INT – CABIN – NIGHT
Skeeter tells his friends there is more fuel in the storage shed. Skeeter, Leah, Ron, and Jack exit the cabin and make a beeline to the storage shed while Becky and Grace remain behind.
EXT – CAMPSITE – NIGHT
The four teens leave through the back door and arrive quickly at the storage shed. “How come we weren’t attacked by the forest?”, questions Diane. They enter the shed.
Tony being an expert cyclist uses his skills to avoid the tree branches as they attempt to knock him off his bicycle. Jumping over vines and plowing through bushes he reaches the outer edge of the campgrounds. Here the forest is quiet. Tony speaks quietly to himself, “I must be beyond the range of whatever controls these plants.” Suddenly he is knocked off his bike. As he looks up three armed men hover over him. One near death, the other two badly cut and bruised.
INT – CAMPSITE/SHED – NIGHT
As Diane, Jack, Rob, and Skeeter enter the shed they spot an old straw hat on the ground. Diane whispers, “Miss Marie used to wear a hat like that.” Before she could utter another sound, vines wrap themselves around the teens securing them to the grafting table. The Caretaker enters the shed.
“Welcome back, campers.”, croaks the dark figure. “It’s him!”, screams Diane. Rob begins to weep.
Shots ring out in the forest as the Caretaker tells them it is not their fault. When he sees the ground begin to move the Caretaker exits quickly.
A shapeless mound of dirt rises under the hat inching upward until it reveals Miss Marie.
Jack struggles with the vines that bind him. “I see we have a new recruit”, croaks the figure. The red moon provides a glimpse of the figure through the dirty window of the shed. It is in the shape of a woman but covered with dirt. Bugs crawl over and through its blackened exterior. She grabs Jack who continues to curse and fight with the vines and places him in a wooden chair.
“A fine specimen for my army”, hisses Miss Marie. She quickly hooks up tubes to Jack’s one arm, cutting his other wrist so blood pours from the wound. Green liquid is pumped into Jack’s arm causing blood to squirt out faster from his other wrist.
EXT – FOREST – NIGHT
Tony attempts to explain the dilemma but the three men beat him with the butts of their rifles until he collapses. “It looks like he came from the grow operation site”, says one of the men. They shake Tony awake and pepper him with questions. Vines creep along the forest floor and entangle one of the armed men. Tony takes the opportunity while the men fight off vines to grab his bike and head back to the campgrounds to warn the others. A shot is fired by one of the men striking Tony in the back. Tony continues to ride at breakneck speed.
INT – SHED – NIGHT
Rob frees himself, Diane, and Skeeter using the fancy knife he stole from the cabin. Jack begins to transform into a horrible plant monster. As they make their escape, a giant carnivorous plant latches onto Rob and pulls him into its mouth where he is consumed in one slurp.
The remaining teens run back toward the main cabin.
INT – CABIN – NIGHT
Leah, Diane, and Grace sob uncontrollably at the loss of their friend. Becky dies, the clematis becoming part of her leg. Tony bursts into the cabin and collapses on the floor. His shirt is soaked in blood. Following close behind him are three armed men. They shut the door behind them.
ACT III.
INT – CABIN – NIGHT
Tony lies motionless on the ground as the battered trio interrogate the group. Grace escapes through the back door and runs toward Marie’s garden. Skeeter attempts to reason with them and join in the fight. The plants and plant-creatures mount a full-scale attack on the cabin. The gang leader wants to burn down the forest to destroy the plants. The plant monster that was Jack appears at the door and uses its tendrils to grab Diane. The gang shoots at it but it continues to drag Diane away. Skeeter pours a hot pan of water on the plant-creature and causes it to shriek and release Diane. Two gang members head outside to start a fire.
EXT – CABIN – NIGHT
Another creature, Hermano appears at the cabin door. A gang member recognizes the shirt on the monster plant as his brother’s. It spears the brother and drags him off. The teens believe that hot water may save them, but Skeeter concocts a new plan to pour bags of salt they saw in the shed into the water tower and hose the plants into submission.
Tony stirs and with the vine wrapped around Becky, they carry her outside toward the lake. Tony transforms into a tree. Diane morphs into a water Lily.
While the cartel gang fights the plants with guns, machetes, and fire, Skeeter, Leah, and Diane run to the shed and grab the large bags of salt. They dump the bags of salt into the water tower near Marie’s Garden. Diane operates the hose as Skeeter uses hot water to keep the plants away. The surviving gang member decides to burn the evil place to the ground. He becomes trapped in the pot crop as it burns and wraps itself around him. He runs into the lake. The water lily prevents the lake monster from attacking the man.
EX. – FOREST – NIGHT
Leah dives into the water tank when an obstruction stops the flow of water. She manages to clear the obstruction but is killed by a water plant residing inside the tank. Using the hose, the plants shrivel up from the salt water.
EXT. –GARDEN – DAY
When daylight finally reveals the aftermath, Skeeter and Diane go to the garden where Grace is frozen in a fixated stare. Marie’s hand pops out of the ground and grabs Grace’s hand.
EXT – SANTA MONICA CITY HALL – DAY
Grace applies to reopening Mystic Gardens Campsite for Underprivileged children.
INT – FLOWER SHOP – DAY
Diane now works at the same flower shop where Grace once worked. The owner tells her she has never seen the flowers glow so brilliantly.
INT – FORESTRY SCHOOL – DAY
Skeeter sells a baggie of heroin to a college professor. His gloves hide the small buds that appear on his fingers.

[Ira Drower]

I Lewis Drower’s Character Journey Track – Lesson 8
What I learned doing this assignment is how defining the characters determines how they react to the terror and each other.
Character: Skeeter
A. What is their Character Profile?
1. Role: Provide knowledge about how plants respond to stimulus, survivor
2. Traits: knowledgeable, well-liked among the group, enables Becky’s drug addiction.
3. Fears: Of being deprived, of displaying his pain, of his failed relationships
4. Wants/Needs: a stable relationship, to find a way to destroy the attacking plants
5. Likability / Rooting factors: He truly cares about Becky, once adopted with little brother when he took the blame for a house fire his brother started.
6. How they react under stress: Inventive, creative in options for defense, manipulative, risky options harm some in group.
7. Relationship with other characters: a good friend to others, ex-boyfriend to Diane, Becky’s current squeeze.
B. What is their Character Journey for this story?
1. Character Intro: works in a plant conservatory. Attend college studying botany.
2. Denial: He doesn’t buy into hype of rumors about campsite. Goes because it is a group event.
3. Their reaction at first horror: Shock. Becky is attacked by a plant while Skeeter is trapped by some trees trying to beat him with branches.
4. Relation to group after first horror: The group asks for his expertise regarding plants in general.
5. How they fight back: Devises a plan of attack with salt mixed with water. Sprays plants with a hose attached to a water tank.
6. End Point: Defeat plant creatures, saves himself and a few others.
7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? His survival shows his knowledge of plants and what can make them grow or die.

Character: Diane:
A. What is their Character Profile?
1. Role: To survive, Flamboyant, spoiled, but loyal to the group.
2. Traits: Prima Donna type, pretty and she knows it, achiever, goal oriented.
3. Fears: Of being worthless
4. Wants/Needs : Social status, acceptance by boyfriend who accepts her unconditionally.
5. Likability / Rooting factors: Root for her and Skeeter to reconnect, molested at a young age.
6. How they react under stress: being separated. She denies the horror then helps attack the
plants with an axe.
8. Relationship with other characters: They think she is spoiled and hooking up with Jack
because he is a star athlete and can get her into parties and sororities. She is still one of them.
B. What is their Character Journey for this story?
1. Character Intro: Driving in Jack’s Camaro with top down. Feeling like a million bucks.
2. Denial: Rumors and failed memories are not socially acceptable, so she denies what she
Sees.
3. Their reaction at first horror: Numb to the violence, she remains in the cabin at first
believing the screams were laughter.
4. Relation to group after first horror: She sees the horror and grabs an axe to attack the
plants.
5. How they fight back: She works with the others to carry bags of salt from the shed to the
water tower.
6. End Point: Hoses down plants to kill them. Survives the night of the blood-red moon.
7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Privilege has its rank.

Character: Becky
A. What is their Character Profile?
1. Role: Nonconformist, Aloof, detached, heroin addict. 1st to Die
2. Traits: Loner, temperamental, sensual.
3. Fears: Being alone, losing identity, feeling inadequate
4. Wants/Needs : discovering herself, self-esteem
5. Likability / Rooting factors: sexy/group tries to help her with her struggles.
6. How they react under stress: goes for a swim
7. Relationship with other characters: Skeeter’s girlfriend
B. What is their Character Journey for this story?
1. Character Intro: swim team member, best swimmer but kicked off team because wouldn’t
stop swimming at end of races.
2. Denial: thinks she can control her addiction. She can’t understand what is happening.
3. Their reaction at first horror: She is the one who remembers things but isn’t believed by the
group.
4. Relation to group after first horror: She is catatonic in a bunk with a tourniquet on her leg.
5. How they fight back: She tries to pull her leg free from attacking plant, screams for help.
6. End Point: Dies from blood loss after foot chopped off. She transforms into a water lily.
7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? The others start to
believe her wild tales of what happened to them when they were at the camp as kids.
Skeeter loses another girlfriend.

Character: Jack
A. What is their Character Profile?
1. Role: self-appoints himself as leader when attacked by plants.
2. Traits: Man’s man, hubris in that he thinks he can do anything since he is a football player.
3. Fears: not being in charge and the center of attention.
4. Wants/Needs : wants to be admired, needs empathy toward others.
5. Likability / Rooting factors: Disliked as a bully, but admired for guts standing up to plants.
6. How they react under stress: Attack terror head on.
7. Relationship with other characters: Diane’s boyfriend. Disliked by group but tolerated.
B. What is their Character Journey for this story?
1. Character Intro: Driving his Camaro with Diane in passenger seat. Tells her his expectations
of their relationship.
2. Denial: Doesn’t believe any of the rumors or stories about Mystic Gardens.
3. Their reaction at first horror: Drives his Camaro directly into the bushes and plants
attacking other teens.
4. Relation to group after first horror: Let’s kill it. Grab some shears and start cutting.
5. How they fight back: attack plants, sneak into shed to pick up more weapons, captured by
the Caretaker, tied up. Injected by the Gardener Miss Marie and transforms into monstrous
plant.
6. End Point: Transforms into a carnivorous plant with vines for arms. Kills a cartel gang
member.
7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? This can happen to
any of them if the Gardener gets a hold of them.

Character: Grace
A. What is their Character Profile?
1. Role: provides the moral viewpoint of events. Questions everything, worrier.
2. Traits: Seeks truth, responsible, anxious, hates surprises.
3. Fears: being unloved.
4. Wants/Needs : to make a difference, to feel needed, to accept things at face value.
5. Likability / Rooting factors: she confronts her fears and runs toward the terror to battle it.
6. How they react under stress: screamer in the group, questions the plants motives.
7. Relationship with other characters: becomes outsider as she desires to save Miss Marie’s
Garden believing it has the power to affect the plants in the area.
B. What is their Character Journey for this story?
1. Character Intro: Tutors math to a young boy, ward of the state.
2. Denial: no ghost stories please, just the facts, ma’am.
3. Their reaction at first horror: denial, she retreats inward at first.
4. Relation to group after first horror: adapts to fighting the plants but indecisive.
5. How they fight back: Uses boards from the cabin to attack the plants, then goes to shed
with Jack and Leah for weapons to fight the plant.
6. End Point: Survives the night but becomes possessed by the spirit of Miss Marie when she
enters the Mystic Gardens after battling the plants with Skeeter and Diane.
8. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Defines the 2 sides of
the Mystic Gardens which represent life and death.

Character: Rob
A. What is their Character Profile?
1. Role: Monster Candy
2. Traits: Fearful, fall guy, denies his anger. Kleptomaniac.
3. Fears: separation from the group, loss of support team.
4. Wants/Needs : to be needed by the group.
5. Likability / Rooting factors: sympathetic character. He can’t control his thievery.
6. How they react under stress: complacent, resigned to his fate.
7. Relationship with other characters: seeks support and reassurance.
B. What is their Character Journey for this story?
1. Character Intro: Preps dinner for the group at group home, steals a watch from a
government official who checks in on them from Social Services.
2. Denial:
3. Their reaction at first horror: shattered human being, cannot function, wrings his hands
constantly asks, “what should we do?”
4. Relation to group after first horror: Anxious but accepts responsibility to help fight plants.
5. How they fight back: Saves Leah and Skeeter from the Caretaker and Gadener.
6. End Point: Consumed by a giant Venus Flytrap that ensnares and dissolves him.
7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Plants gotta eat.
Shows unpredictable nature of the plants at the camp.

Character: Leah
A. What is their Character Profile?
1. Role: sensible one
2. Traits: problem solver, reclusive, eccentric
3. Fears: being incompetent.
4. Wants/Needs : to be the smartest one in the room, to feel confidence.
5. Likability / Rooting factors: she is nice to the group and is a go-getter.
6. How they react under stress: perceptive but schizophrenic.
7. Relationship with other characters: they need her to help solve mystery
B. What is their Character Journey for this story?
1. Character Intro: She is protesting at a college campus she doesn’t attend. She is a paid
protester.
2. Denial: doesn’t believe the rumors about Miss Marie’s death or Becky’s unreliable memory.
3. Their reaction at first horror: fends off 1st attack.
4. Relation to group after first horror: brings group together to try to discover an escape from
Mystic Gardens.
5. How they fight back: discovers hot water kills plants, then helps Skeeter load salt into water
Tower.
6. End Point: killed by a carnivorous plant inside the water tank as she cleared an obstruction .
7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Sometimes good people die too.

Character: Tony

A. What is their Character Profile?
1. Role: protector of the group, unofficial leader of group home.
2. Traits: extrovert, personable, skilled bike rider.
3. Fears: being controlled.
4. Wants/Needs : to save the group and forgive himself for being abandoned.
5. Likability / Rooting factors: nice guy, caring, wants to protect group from harm.
6. How they react under stress: Tries to bring group together to resolve crisis. Rides off for
help.
7. Relationship with other characters: Respected and well-liked by everyone except Jack.
B. What is their Character Journey for this story?
1. Character Intro: Riding his bike in/out of traffic to bring spice back to group home for dinner.
2. Denial: ambivalent to rumors.
3. Their reaction at first horror: Takes terror at face value, not in denial, just shock.
4. Relation to group after first horror: Hero of the group, to ride for help.
5. How they fight back: Returns to cabin after confronting Cartel search party to warn others.
6. End Point: Dies from bullet wound, picks up Becky and takes her to lake where she turns
Into a water lily and he transforms into a mighty tree.
7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Becky’s memory of
injections when they attended camp as kids means they may all transform at some time.

Character: Caretaker
A. What is their Character Profile?
1. Role: monster enabler. He takes care of the camp.
2. Traits: Manipulative, vengeful
3. Fears: afraid to enter Miss Marie’s special garden.
4. Wants/Needs : overrun Miss Marie’s garden with monstrous plants, to go home.
5. Likability / Rooting factors: None. He is a monster maker.
6. How they react under stress: He kidnaps up teens to keep them safe.
7. Relationship with other characters: He is the Caretaker of the camp. He knows them even if
They can’t remember him.
B. What is their Character Journey for this story?
1. Character Intro: Has monster plant in lake attack pot growers.
2. Denial: denies he is evil. He wants his rightful place in Mystic Gardens.
3. Their reaction at first horror: more, more, more
4. Relation to group after first horror: They think he is evil and creating the terrors.
5. How they fight back: he kidnaps the teens in his shed, unaware that Miss Marie is
Moving through the ground.
6. End Point: He returns to the woods after daybreak. Not to be seen again until the sequel.
7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Caretaker considers
himself to be the good guy.

Character: Master Gardener Miss Marie
A. What is their Character Profile?
1. Role: Mystic Camp Master Gardener
2. Traits: creator, a people-pleaser, possessive
3. Fears: fear of being evil.
4. Wants/Needs : Keep Garden Pristine, make more plants from people for garden.
5. Likability / Rooting factors: Hidden most of the story, appears as a shadow. The real
monster behind the monsters.
6. How they react under stress: Inject kids with a time-release substance that will change
Them into a plant for her garden.
7. Relationship with other characters: She was the gardening instructor when they attended
A state sponsored camping trip for underprivileged wards of the state.
B. What is their Character Journey for this story?
1. Character Intro: Story and flashback of Caretaker cutting off her legs and Miss Marie diving
Into her garden to escape.
2. Denial: None
3. Their reaction at first horror: she doesn’t think it’s horror but a solution to unwanted kids.
4. Relation to group after first horror: They fear her.
5. How they fight back: she uses the ground to move within the campsite and injects fast acting solution into the cartel gang and Jack who she considers intruders.
6. End Point: She transfers her spirit into Grace so she can restart the camp.
7. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? It’s still her garden and she is still in control within the confines of the camp grounds.

[Ira Drower]

I Lewis Drower’s Monster Reveal Track

What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of sequencing the monster reveal and the clues. This technique enhances the terror and increases the monster’s intrigue.

A. Who is monster and what is their terror? All vegetation, grass, trees, bushes, plants are the monsters the audience and teens see. Their terror is that some grow to dangerous proportions during the blood-red moon, and all attack the teens using their branches, spikes, stickers, creeping vines, etc.
B. The hidden monster controlling the plants and campsite is the former operator and Gardener of Mystic Gardens Camp. She unleashes her power through the ground to all the plants.
Powers: The plants undergo transformations during the night of the blood-red moon. The trees begin to sway and use their branches as clubs; their sap grows hot and scalds. The plants become aggressive and carnivorous attacking the teens with large spikes, sharp teeth, extending vines, and grass blades that cut. Some of the teens are transformed into half-plant, half monsters that also attack relentlessly without mercy. Plants like the Pitcher plant and Venus Flytrap grow to enormous dimensions capturing and dissolving prey or people.
Powers: The power of the Gardener, Miss Marie is she controls the earth she is buried in. She can move within the ground and appear to inject the teens with a solution that changes them into monstrous plants under her control. She can make the trees sway and pummel; the plants pull their roots out and become mobile to attack the teens.
Limitations: Powers are enhanced during the Blood-Red Moon. Only active within the campgrounds.
Weaknesses: Area restricted – powers are limited to camp grounds. The blood-red moon is the catalyst for the plants to morph into monsters. Part of the grounds are protected from the Gardener but not her creations. Creatures can be stopped with hot water, salt, or fire.
Plan/Purpose/Appetite: Giant killer plants are carnivorous and mobile. Gardener wants to restock her garden with her new creations of plants made from the visiting teens. She represents Mother Nature and her purpose is to solve the problem of the unwanted youth in the world by converting them into a plant.
C. Sequence of Reveals:
Opening/Prologue: Show the mystery of the monster.
Lake plant monster takes down one gang member. Shadowy figure injects the other.

During First Act: Foreshadowing as they discuss their old camp
A group of teens discuss seeing the Caretaker from their former gardening camp. The rumor was he cut the Master Gardener, Marie in two and planted her in her own garden.

First Act Turning Point: Teens decide to spend last weekend of the summer at the camp.
None of the teens can remember anything about the camp but decide to go anyways. They are warned of thunderstorms and lack of cell service in the area. They might get stuck.

1st Half of 2nd Act: Monster is present but hidden.
The teens arrive and immediately start to clean up the area and main cabin with old bunks. They find remnants of squatters, the pot growers, as the main cabin appears to be lived in. Finding an old cell phone the teens charge it up and view the videos taken by the squatters. The size and shapes of the plants in the videos get mostly laughs from the group. Skeeter takes it seriously.

The plants in Marie’s personal garden seem to enjoy the group’s attention as the teens weed and prune.

A Lake Plant follows Becky, an avid swimmer, as she swims in the lake.

Midpoint: Monster is worse than we thought
The trees and bushes begin to sway. When the bold-red moon rises in the sky, all the plants attack the teens at once. The blades of grass cut the teens feet and ankles, the trees sway and use their branches as clubs, the bushes grow long spikes to whack the teens, the vines extend and grab victims, some of the plants grow to enormous size while others grow fang-like extensions.
Becky steps on a plant that almost bites her ankle in two.

2nd Half of 2nd Act: Monster pursuing/attacking/characters, delivering clues with each attack
Retreating to the cabin after pulling Becky from the carnivorous plant, the group is licking their wounds wondering what is going on. The plants begin to pull their roots from the ground and become mobile.

Diane is attacked by creeping vines coming up between the floorboards. Startled, Leah spills some hot water on it causing the vine to whither.

The vines wrapped around their vehicles preventing them from moving and the teens escaping.

The Caretaker shows up capturing and tying up some of the teens in the nearby tool shed. Miss Marie emerges from the dirt floor of the shed and injects one teen.

Jack is turned into a half Venus Flytrap, half cape sundew. Sticky retractable tongue with fly-trap hands brandishing 4” spikes.

A Cartel Gang breaks into the cabin in search of their pot grower friends.

The remaining teens are freed and return with a chain saw, shears, bags of salt, and pesticide sprays.

3rd Act: Characters Solve the Puzzle and fight back, apparently killing the monster
Rob tries using the pesticide on the plants with mixed results. Leah and Becky spray them with hot water which causes plants to recede. Rob drops a candle starting a fire. Fire is effective against the plants, but they will die too. Grace puts out the fire using an old water-type extinguisher left on site.

Skeeter mixes the salt with the water from the old fire extinguisher and uses it effectively against the plants. The survivors make a run for Jack’s car using the salt-water extinguisher to keep the plants at bay and chain saw to remove the vines holding the car in place.

The fire extinguisher with salt-water runs dry. The group returns to the cabin. Skeeter comes up with a plan to use the salt and the water tower on site to spray the plants.

Resolution: Survivors live…but somehow, the monster is still alive for the sequel
Skeeter, Diane, Leah, and Grace dump the salt into the water tower to fend off the attacking plants.
The Gardener, Miss Marie, reaches her hand up through the dirt and grabs onto Grace. Grace becomes possessed by Miss Marie.

Skeeter and Diane survive, Grace petitions the state to reopen Mystic Gardens Gardening Camp for the Underprivileged.

Act 1 Reveals:
Interest/Need: Intrigue- Why are the Cartel pot growers shooting randomly at no one?
Monster Reveal: The trees and bushes sway and heave in an exaggerated movement while water plants shoot out their leaves like the tentacles of some spasdic squid. The shadow of an unknown entity appears to grow from the ground.
Interest/Need: Curiosity- Group of teens desires to relive fun summer camp. Discuss rumors of the Caretaker dismembering and burying his wife in the garden. He then disappeared.
Monster Reveal: Rumors about the Caretaker capable of killing his wife.
Interest/Need: Curiosity – They want to return to campsite to jog their dormant memories.
Monster Reveal: The group views the Caretaker as the monster.

Act 2 Reveals:
Interest/Need: Discovery Teens feel need to clean up weeds and trim plants in Marie’s Garden at the camp site.
Monster Reveal: Plants in garden respond to pruning and weeding by touching group gently.
Interest/Need: Figure out Mystery – Group discovers remains of drug growers and cell phone video.
Monster Reveal – Find cell phone with footage of monster carnivorous plants. Plants are not in the garden shed where they were filmed.
Interest/Need: Suspense: Becky, an avid swimmer, is followed by unseen Lake monster as the sun sets.
Monster Reveal – Lake contains monstrous plant with long leaves. Misses Becky. Ground plant bites Becky’s leg. Carnivorous Plants attack group.
Interest/Need: Terror: Blood-Red Moon – plants rise up and attack. Gardener wants revenge for cleaning up wife’s garden. Apprehension: How to defend against the Gardener and his creatures.
Monster Reveal: Plant monsters pull themselves up from ground, grow to giant proportions, grow enlarged spikes, extensions, etc.
Interest/Need: Paranoia: Group needs to escape danger and save Becky. Need to know dangers each plant possesses.
Monster Reveal: Plant creatures attack group. Some larger and more mobile. Group takes yard tools to fight back. Search for better weapon.
Interest/Need: Discovery – grass, trees branches, bushes all move and sway. Discover good and bad plants exist in different parts of the camp.
Interest/Need: Apprehension: Teens retreat to storage shed. Dirt floor.
Monster reveal – Caretaker appears from ground and kidnaps teens to make more plant monsters. Jack was converted to one.
Interest/Need: Conflict: How to save Other teens. Stage a rescue. Rob is caught in plant trap.
Monster Reveal: Carnivorous plants can attack and eat people. This one swallowed Rob whole.
Interest/Need: Terror – Jack attacks group as a plant monster. More monsters attack cabin. Need to discover their weaknesses and what deadly mechanisms they possess
Monster Reveal: Creeping vines, shooting spikes, whipping trees and bushes beat on cabin. Monster plants attack other side of garden.
Interest/Need: Conflict: artel gang member enters cabin. Need to work with him.
Monster reveal: Plants attack and kill gang member. Caretaker reappears for vengeance.
Interest/Need: Discovery: saltwater stops plants. Add to Water tower tank which is then used to hose down the carnivorous creatures. Cartel member starts fire to burn camp and gardens to ground.
Act 3 Reveals:
Monster Reveal: Cartel member attacked by his brother who is one of the pot growers transformed into a carnivorous plant.
Interest/Need: Terror – Leah is attacked by a water plant inside the water tank.
Monster Reveal: A water plant inside the tank has stinging tentacles and vines that grab and pull prey under water to drown.
Interest/Need: Terror: Miss Marie grabs Grace’s hand and possesses her.
Monster Reveal: See a hand breaking through the dirt in her garden and transfer her spirit into Grace

[Ira Drower]

Reposting due to bad formatting:

I. Lewis Drower Lesson 6 – Character Death Track
I learned how to create a death list for a horror outline. Throughout the script, this helps to organize and identify if the carnage increases properly.

Act 1 Deaths:
1) Angel, Cartel pot grower : Monster stalking prey during blood-red moon
Harpooned by a lake plant with extending tentacles

2) Chano, Cartel pot grower: Made a Bad Decision – Ran to the garden shed with a dirt floor.
Caretaker ties him to the table; an Unknown Shadow kills him.

Skeeter, Group Home Teen, enables Becky’s drug addiction. Survives For now

Diane, Group Home Teen, spoiled – Survives For now

Act 2 Deaths:
3) Becky, Group Home Teen, talented swimmer, heroin addict.

Innocent who was out when the blood-red moon first appears.

Blood loss when she steps on a carnivorous plant, changes into a water lily.

4) Jack, College QB dating Diane is egotistical and not a Group Home Member.

When he suggests they go to the shed to find weapons, he is strapped to a table where Miss Marie replaces his blood with chlorophyll.

He transforms into a monstrous plant with vines for arms.

Act 3 Deaths:

5) Tony, Group Home Teen, leader.

Makes a bad decision – While attempting to get help he rode his bike into a gang searching for their compatriot.

He is shot by a random bullet as he tries to escape.

He transforms into a tree upon his death.

6) Rob, Group Home Teen, kleptomaniac, afraid

He dies for a moral reason, to save Leah, he sacrifices himself.

He is captured by a giant Venus Flytrap and dissolved by the plant.

7) Cartel Gang Member 3, Part of search party for other gang members.

His character flaw of being too scattered makes him expendable.
Gang leader uses him as Monster bait to protect himself.

He is attacked by many vines that pull him causing him to be drawn and quartered.

8) Cartel Gang Member 2, Part of search party.

Character is in denial when he opens cabin door and confronts his brother Chano, now a monstrous plant.

Chano grabs his brother and places him against a Strangle Wood tree.

The stringy, hairy bark envelops the man and strangles him to death.

9) Leah, Group Home Teen, the smart one.

Monster makes a decision and stalks Leah inside the large water tank during blood-red moon.

She is drowned by a carnivorous plant while unblocking a tank obstruction.

Miss Marie, a former camp owner – survives in her garden.

Caretaker, Former Camp Handyman – Survives

Grace, Group Home Teen, the moral one – Survives but is Possessed by the spirit of Miss Marie.

[Ira Drower]

I. Lewis Drower Lesson 6 – Character Death Track
I learned how to create a death list for a horror outline. This helps to organize and identify if the carnage increases properly throughout the script.
Death Order/Mutated Character Name Why Character Died How Character Died
1 Angel Monster stalking prey during blood-red moon Harpooned by a lake plant with extending tentacles
2 Chano Made a Bad Decision – Ran to the garden shed with dirt floor Caretaker ties him to table – Unknown Shadow – kills him
Skeeter – 1 (wing 9) Survives For now
Diane – 3 (wing 2) Survives For now
3 Becky – 4 (wing 5) Innocent who was out when the blood-red moon 1st appears Blood loss when she steps on a carnivorous plant, chgs into water lily
Jack – 8 (wing 7) Miss Marie replaced his blood with chlorophyll Transformed into a monstrous plant w/vines for arms
Grace – 6 (wing 7) Survives Possessed by spirit of Miss Marie
6 Rob – 9 (wing 1) moral reason, to save Leah Captured by Venus Flytrap and dissolved by the plant
8 Leah – 5 (wing 4) Monster stalking Leah inside tank during blood-red moon Drowned by monstrous plant while unblocking tank obstruction
5 Tony – 7 ((wing 8) Bad decision – rode bike into gang searching for compatriot Shot by random bullet as he tries to escape, changes into a tree
Miss Marie – 8 (wing 7) survives
Caretaker – 2 (wing 1) Survives
Cartel Gang Leader 1 – 8 Survives Burned by the fire he started, swims to shore after using machete
7 Cartel Gang Member 3 – 6 Character in denial, meets his brother, Chano – now a plant Chano grabs brother and pulls him outside, stuck to a Strangle wood tree, choked to death
4 Cartel Gang Member 2 -7 character flaw-cartel leader sacrificed him to save himself Ripped apart by vines in a drawn and quartered.

[Ira Drower]

I Lewis Drower’s Horror Situation Track
I learned from this lesson how to piece horror situations together into a story. It’s like picking dishes from a Chinese menu. One from column A, one from column B, only in this case are the choices dismemberment of a person, someone shot, stabbed, tortured, trapped, etc. All tasty dishes, indeed.

Act I. Set Up for Horror
Atmosphere of evil established: two Mexican drug Cartel members operating an illegal marijuana crop relax and fish at the nearby long-closed Summer Camp. They are suddenly attacked by an unknown creature lurking in the lake.
Horror Situation: Environment Changing around them. The men notice the trees and grass swaying but there is no wind. A blood-red moon rises high into the night sky.
Reaction: Denial: They question the trees movement while drinking beer but do nothing.
Horror situation: Attacked: One man is harpooned by a tentacle shot out from a large water plant dragging him into lake as it opens a mouth filled with teeth.
Reaction: Friends in Danger: Second man attempts to save his partner as he wades into lake a few feet and uses his belt for the caught man to grab. Failing that…
Horror Situation: Monster Approaching: The carnivorous plant pulls the man closer to its mouth.
Reaction: Fight/Escape: The man grabs is rifle and fires it at the creature’s mouth as it pulls its prey closer. The gunfire causes the plant to release his friend. The second man wades into the lake to retrieve him.
Horror Situation: Injured, Wounded, debilitated: The two men run from the lake only to be attacked by a tree branch which knocks them both toward the shoreline.
Reaction: Escape: One man is harpooned again and pulled beneath the water. The second man attempts to run again only to be caught by a vine.
Horror Situation: Trapped: The vine wraps around the man’s legs as he is dragged into a small shack 50 yards from the embankment. The door closes behind him.
Reaction: Denial: A light goes on inside the shed. A menacing shadow rises behind the man who screams. Then silence.

Connect with Characters: Meet the teens from a group home for young adults who were former wards of the state. They are having dinner together with Jack, Diane’s boyfriend. Jack makes fun of food cooked by Rob, one of the groups. Everyone raves about the food and asks for seconds even though it is terrible. Talk about what they should do this weekend. Each resident either thought they saw Caretaker or received an automated email or text message about 7-year reunion at their old Summer Camp.
Deceptive Situations: Lured into the Horror: The characters are warned not to do it. Resident Director of group home informs the teens there are warnings of flash floods in the area near the closed camp where they wish to visit.
Denial of Horror: Teens brush off storm warnings from the Resident Director of the group home. Always felt safe at Madame Marie’s camp even though they have no memory of anything that happened there. This is the last weekend getaway before college and new jobs start. Nothing will stop them from fun and games.
Safety taken away: Make it to camp. Discover no cell phone service. No cell service in valley. Search of area discovers no one. Stuck listening to Skeeter’s playlist.
Horror Situation: Group views video of pot grower’s cell phone showing guns, crops, gang-approved message kind of video. They see monstrous sized carnivorous plants.
Reaction: Denial: Mixed reactions between concern and “we can handle them” from the guys. Leah and Tony are concerned about Cartel’s quick exit from the site. Skeeter identifies the plants by Latin name starting with the pot plants and remarks how huge they are. The group views a plant trapping and consuming a rodent.

Act II. The Point of No Return
Isolated/Trapped/Abducted: The flash flood wiped out only access/exit from the area. The valley and hills prevent cell service from working. The group decides Tony will ride out in the morning and find cell service. Jack storms off after the group plays a joke on him and sits in his car. Becky returns from a late evening swim.
Monster: Spooky: An unknown entity shadows Becky to the shore. As she exits the water a Blood Red Moon rises.
Horror Situation: Attacked: Becky walks toward the group still laughing outside the cabin. She steps on some ground moss and her leg falls into the mouth of a voracious plant which chews on her foot. As the group rushes to her aid, they are attacked by tree branches, vines, spikes from bushes, Jack’s car is attacked by vines and tall grass.
Reaction: Fight: Jack drives car back through the camp grounds toward the group dodging and being hit by tree branches and bushes as he strikes back through the window with a small baseball bat. As Jack runs over the vines and bushes some teens are freed and retreat to house as Tony, Leah, and Skeeter help Becky. Jack pulls Diane inside as she tries to help Becky.
One of us is killed: Becky is bleeding out fast.
They pull and cut the long grasses wrapped from Becky that the ground plant shot out to grab and hold Becky. They barricade themselves in the cabin. Confusion and anger rise in the teens.
Horror Situation: Becky’s leg is almost severed, losing lot of blood. She will die without medical help.
Reaction: Denial: Grace is in denial. Rob tries to list what the hell is going on but is freaking out. Skeeter is by Becky’s side holding her hand trying to comfort her. Leah applies a tourniquet on Becky’s leg.
Reaction: Escape: Tony decides to ride out on his bicycle now to get help.
Midpoint – The monster is worse than we thought
Horror Situation: Terrorized: The teens are trapped in a cabin as they try to fend off carnivorous plant creatures. Plants continue their assault on cabin.
Reaction: Fight Back: Jack rallies the group to fight back. They come up with a plan to search the shed for weapons to use against the plants.
Horror Situation: Walking into a Trap: Tony uses his skills to reach the edge of the Campsite avoiding the attacking plants and trees. As he turns to avoid another attacking bush he confronts three armed cartel soldiers in search of their associates.
Reaction: Escape/Hide: Tony tries to use the swaying trees to hide while returning to the cabin to warn the others but is shot as the soldiers shoot in all directions at the attacking plants.
Horror Situation: Shackled/Kidnapped: The Caretaker appears at the shed and captures the teens.
Horror Situation: The Caretaker ties Leah and Rob and straps Jack to the grafting table.
Reaction: Denial: Jack doesn’t believe what is happening to him. Rob and Leah are next and struggle with vines that bind them.
Horror Situation: Torture/Transformation into something else: When Caretaker leaves the shed, a shadow appears to grow from the ground. It injects a green liquid (Chlorophyll) into Jack’s veins while pumping out his blood. Jack turns into a carnivorous plant creature.
Reaction: Escape: Rob uses a box cutter he swiped from the workbench earlier to free himself and Leah and escape from the shed with shears, a portable tank with a hose, and chain saw.
Horror Situation Trapped: The teens are again trapped in a cabin as they collect tools and weapons to try to fend off the carnivorous plant creatures and the Caretaker.
Reaction: Fight: Skeeter comforts Becky. Grace boils water for a leg amputation. Leah and Rob return with tools and weapons to use to battle the plants and try to retrieve Jack’s car to escape.

Act III. Full out Horror
Horror Situation: Tormented/Another Character Loses It: Tony returns to the cabin, wounded. Shots are fired outside the cabin. Diane cuts off Becky’s leg.
Reaction: Hysteria: Grace becomes hysterical and runs out of the cabin. Leah runs after her.

Full Pursuit by Killer:
Fight to the Death: Leah and Grace retreat to the cabin after finding safety in the Marie’s garden. The cabin is being ripped apart by branches and vines and now mobile plant creatures. Tony returns.
Horror Situation: Tormented /Friend in Danger: Grace and Leah confront Caretaker outside.
Reaction: Fight: Leah sprays Caretaker with salty water from the spray tank, blinding Caretaker. Grace runs off toward Miss Marie’s Mystic Garden, Leah runs back to the main cabin.
Horror Situation: Paranoia /Menacing Stranger: Two drug Cartel members burst into the cabin with guns drawn.
Reaction: Try to Solve It: Tony collapses on floor. Leah lets a vine in as she returns to attack Cartel member. Skeeter saves the cartel guys and swings a deal – an alliance to defeat the plants.
Character Death: Becky dies.
Horror Situation: Torture/Injured/Transformed: leaf stalks begin to appear from Becky’s leg. Tony’s features take on a wooden appearance as he picks up Becky’s body and exits the cabin , walking toward the lake. The lost cartel member appears as a giant carnivorous plant with extending vines for arms.
Reaction: Denial: The brother of the lost gang member stands before him frozen in terror.
Character Death: One cartel guy is captured by the plants (his brother) and ripped apart.
The Thrilling Escape from Death: Grace discovers the plants are moving toward Marie’s Mystic Garden. Skeeter discovers the plants’ weakness, an aversion to salt.
Character Death: Tormented/Save another Char: Rob sacrifices himself for Leah and is killed as a giant mobile Venus Flytrap that ensnares and dissolves him.
Horror Situation: Pursued/Out of Frying Pan into Fire: The Cartel boss goes berserk and starts a massive fire to kill everything in the campsite, the third cartel guy runs into the monster Jack.
Character Death: 3rd Cartel gang member killed by Jack.
Reaction: Fight back: – Skeeter rushes off to storage shed for 50 lb. bags of salt. Diane and Leah hook up a hose to the water tank. Cartel leader uses machete on plants as he burns with them.
Horror Situation: Spooky: As the Cartel leader heads toward the lake he is dragged into lake by lake plant.
Character Death: Cartel Gang Leader killed by plant in the lake
Reaction: Fight back: – Leah, Diane, and Skeeter grab bags of Salt and dump them into the large water tank by Miss Marie’s Garden. Grace grabs the hose as Leah helps Diane. Skeeter faces Miss Marie who moves underground to try toppling the water tank.
Death Returns: Although the killer plants are dead, or horribly blanched, the Caretaker returns.
Character Death: Leah is killed by a water plant inside the tank when she dives underwater to clear an obstruction.
Horror Situation: Pursued/Attacked: Plants close in on Diane, Skeeter, and Leah. Caretaker says he tried to warn them but Miss Marie already injected you.
Reaction: Fight: Grace returns to help with Diane hosing the half-creatures and plants with salt water. The water tower is toppled, and the water kills the approaching plants.
Horror Situation: Isolated/Forces of Nature: As the blood-red moon disappears, a thunderstorm pops up putting out the remaining fires.
Reaction: Relief: Grace, Diane, and Skeeter relax for a minute as the forest recedes and the fires are quenched.
Horror Situation: Tormented/Possession: As Grace sits at the edge of Mystic Gardens a hand reaches out and grabs Grace’s hand. Grace is possessed by the spirit of Miss Marie.
Reaction: Escape: Grace doesn’t move. Skeeter pulls Diane away.
Resolution: Skeeter and Diane return to their lives in LA awaiting the time when they will change into a plant. Grace applies for a business license to reopen Mystic Gardens.

[Ira Drower]

Lesson 4 Horror: Ira Drower’s Horror Plot Track

I learned to design a quick outline using basic plot points and reveals.

The Garden of Evel – Night of the Blood-Red Moon

Act 1 – Atmosphere of Evil Established:
The opening scene has two drug cartel growers being killed by a monster water plant hidden in the lake by the long-closed Summer Gardens campsite. It uses extended spear-like appendages to spear the pot growers and drag them into the water.

Connect with the Character:
At a group home for former wards of the state of California, a group of 19-year-old teens sit around the dinner table and discuss the day’s events. When Tony mentions he thought he saw Caretaker riding a bus, the conversation suddenly shifts to the summer camp they all attended, ‘Summer Gardens.’ They discuss how they are all going separate ways soon, and a weekend together at the former camp sounds good. And cheap.

Characters are Warned not to Go:
Grace complains it’s been abandoned for years, and there is nothing at the site but a few dilapidated buildings. And cell service is spotty at best. It doesn’t come up on Google Maps. None of the group can remember anything about their 2-week trip seven years ago. Rumor has it the place was closed because the Caretaker killed Miss Marie.

Denial of Horror: Grace informs the group that Summer Gardens was closed by the state because of too many runaways. Becky tells them Miss Marie loved her garden so much that she named the plants. After laughing over the scare tactics, the group decides the trip would be a couple of days of swimming in a nice lake and being together one last time.

Safety Taken Away:
Tony steers the minivan onto an unmarked dirt road, accelerating down a dirt path covered with leaves and plants as if on autopilot. Grace tells everyone she lost cell phone service. They soon enter a clearing for the Summer Gardens Youth Camp.
The buildings are completely covered in vines and plants. They have some cleanup to do before having fun in the sun.

Monster: The nature of the Beast
Becky takes a long swim late in the afternoon as an ominous floating plant follows closely behind. A boot worn by one of the Cartel men floats nearby.

Act 2 – The Point of No Return

Isolated/Trapped/Abducted:

As the sun slowly sets, the plants and trees begin to sway and howl as if it is getting windy, except there is no wind. As the burnt orange turns to deep purple, the blades of grass slash the tires on the minivan and Rob’s Camaro. When the blood-red moon rises, the tracks made by the tires are covered by leaves and underbrush. Vines grow and twist around the axles of the vehicles.

One of Us is Killed:
Becky dries herself off from her swim and walks back toward the cabin where everyone is hanging out. She steps on what looks like a piece of moss until it opens its tooth-filled jaws and chomps on her foot, almost tearing it off the bone. Her screams summon everyone outside.

Midpoint – The Monster is Worse than We Thought:
The teens are all attacked by the trees and plants that have morphed into something more dangerous and deadly. The trees pound on them with branches shaped like clubs, some shoot spikes at them, and bushes strike victims with elongated thorns.
The flowers show their fangs.

Full Pursuit by Killer: The roots of the plants rise above the ground, making them mobile. They stab, bite, bludgeon, whack, and cut the teens.

Terrorized:
The plants attack in all directions as they try to return to the cabin. Jack uses his Camaro to fend the plants off so they can run to safety. A group of Drug Cartel Enforcers searching for their compatriots seeks refuge in the cabin as well, abducting the teens.

Act 3 – Full Out Horror:

Fight to the Death:
The cartel sends several teens outside to create a distraction for their escape. The teens run into the nearby shed used for repairs and maintenance in search of weapons. One teen, ensnared by a giant Venus flytrap, is slowly dissolved alive. The ones that make it to the shed encounter the Caretaker who ties them up. Rob cuts them loose with a box cutter he swiped from the workbench. Jack provides cover for the returning teens but is overwhelmed by the plants attacking him. They return to the cabin with bags of salt.

Hysteria: Once inside the cabin, Grace recites biblical passages of death and destruction. Becky mutters about what Miss Marie did to them in an almost trance-like state. Tony carries Becky outside as they both transform into plants. Tony becomes a tree while Becky turns into a water Lilly. The cartel members decide to run for it but get cut down by the encircling plants and Jack, who is now a cannibalistic plant.

The Thrilling Escape from Death:
Skeeter, Leah, and Becky create a plan to dump the bags of salt into the water tank on site and hose the plants. The saltwater should make them shrivel and die. Skeeter dumps them into the tank as Grace hoses down the plants. When an obstruction in the tank stops the water, Leah swims underwater to remove it.

Death Returns Once More: An Underwater Plant Creature attacks and drowns Leah inside the tank. Rob is pulverized by a thorn bush and swallowed by a Corpse Flower.

Resolution:
The three survivors sit at the edge of Miss Marie’s Garden as dawn breaks. The plantation is withered or returning to normal. The Caretaker stops by to pick up his knapsack taken by Rob. He tells them he never tried to harm them, only protect them. He disappears into the woods. A hand pops out of the garden and grabs hold of Grace. The three return to their lives. Grace files paperwork to re-open Summer Gardens.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s Horror Concept:

Title: Garden of Evil: Night of the Blood Red Moon

Logline: A group of teens visiting their old summer camp relive the horrific events from dormant childhood memories as they fight for survival when the forest comes alive and tries to consume them.

[Ira Drower]

Lesson 3: Ira Drower’s Survivor and Victims

Title: The Garden of Evil – Night of the Blood Red Moon

Concept: A group of teens visiting their old summer camp relives the horrific events from dormant childhood memories as they fight for survival when the forest comes alive and tries to consume them.

Group Chosen: Social Group. These teens are former wards of the state (orphans) living together in a half-way house set up to help them transition to college or work.

Dying pattern: All die except three teens. After the final battle, one of them becomes possessed by the spirit of Miss Marie.

Identity of Group:
Tony: The protector of the group and its unofficial leader. Tries to escape the plants to get help for the group.
Skeeter: Rescuer – personable, well-liked, resourceful. He works with Leah to battle the plants.
Diane: Love interest – spoiled but loyal friend, trying to overcome her past. She becomes a warrior attacking the plants with an axe.
Becky: Introvert/Loner – temperamental, kicked off high school swim team for weird behavior, a heroin addict. First, she succumbs to the plants when she steps on one and it bites her foot off.
Jack: Out of Control/Obnoxious – Diane’s current boyfriend, jock, is only interested in Diane. He leaves after being humiliated but returns when he discovers the danger the group is in.
Grace: Moral one – paranoid but practical, seeks truths and not rumors. She pieces together their sketchy memories of camp before her possession by Miss Marie.
Rob: Monster Candy – came along due to fear of being alone. Kleptomaniac. Eaten by a giant stink plant.
Leah: Rebel/Rule Breaker – The Sensible One: – problem solver. Works with Skeeter to battle back against the plants.

[Ira Drower]

Lesson 2 – Ira Drower – Crafting My Monster

I learned how to think about the Monster within the horror genre. The terror that the monster creates, the mystery about who or what the Monster is, its appearance, and the rules that apply to the Monster.

The monster: The main monsters are all the plants within the perimeter of the former gardening camp for underprivileged kids.

Their terror: The plants each use unique methods to terrorize. Trees can use their branches to beat or drop pods of boiling sap, bushes send out thorns like darts, grass blades cut like razors, vines extend and constrict victims.

How do they pursue? The vines send out feelers that grab and pull victims, and some plants, like the Venus Flytrap, grow large enough to capture a person. The algae within the lake send spear-like appendages that stab a victim and pull them underwater. Some plants absorb a person while others can pull their roots up and use them to crawl toward their victim.

How does the monster isolate? The grasses slashed all of the tires on the vehicle. The teens are trapped inside a cabin when outside the plants slowly surround it.

What is the terrible thing they do? Absorb people, bite off limbs, capture them, strangle or constrict them, cut them, beat them, burn them.

How does the monster cause death? Beatings by a tree branch, biting off a foot, capturing them and dissolving them alive, stabbing them with thorns, and spearing them with spear-like appendages.

What makes this inescapable? They are trapped inside the cabin surrounded by carnivorous plants.

What is their mystery? How can we survive the rampage by cannibalistic plants and is there any way to kill them before they kill us?

Their fear-provoking appearance: The plants morph into larger, violent plants with deadly defensive mechanisms. The flowers grew teeth; the grass cut flesh. Some bushes can cut off limbs with sharpened leaves. The rows of corn stalks march against them like an army.

Their rules: The plants all seem to have the same goal. Kill the teens and anyone in the cabin. The plants come to life during the Blood Red Moon.

Mythology: The teens trapped inside the cabin all have sketchy memories of their time at the camp they visited 7 years ago. The head of the program, Miss Marie, and the Caretaker took in groups of underprivileged kids to teach them gardening and bring them into nature. The rumor is the Caretaker killed Miss Marie and buried her in her garden. The state shut them down after too many instances of runaways before the rumor of Miss Marie’s death.

[Ira Drower]

Lesson 1 Horror Concepts

What I learned in this lesson is what constitutes ‘Smart’ horror and the specific beats you need to include in your script.

Title/Concept: Aliens – A group of space marines with their advisor battle deadly Aliens in a remote off-world colony.

Terrorize the Characters: Yes, it is a large group of Aliens with sharp teeth, a spiked tail, and acid blood. And they are ugly!

Isolation: On a distant planet, trapped inside a mining station laboratory.

Death: Death 5-ways. One: The aliens, Xenomorphs, can extend a second jaw with sharp teeth that pierce your skull. Two: The aliens can capture you and stick you to a wall where a face-hugger will implant an embryo that explodes from your stomach. Three: The Aliens can use their spike to stab you. Four: the acid blood from the Aliens can melt through flesh and steel. Five: The plant can implode in a nuclear reaction.

Monster/Villain: Xenomorphs – the Monster. Alien mother – the bigger Monster. Carter – the corporate monster. The Xenomorphs want to kill the marines or capture them for cocooning. Carter tries to impregnate Ripley and Newt with an Alien and trap survivors by locking them out of safety.

High Tension: Yes – Marines have their weapons confiscated while confronting the Xenomorphs. The Marines are almost out of ammo when the remaining ones return to safety. The Aliens break down the survivor’s defenses. Newt is captured, and Ripley goes into the den of the birthing Queen Alien to retrieve her. The entire plant is about to explode as she rushes back to the ship with Newt only to find that the ship isn’t there.

Departure from Reality: Yes – a huge mining plant on a remote planet overrun by deadly Xenomorphs constitutes science fiction. Aliens with acid blood and flying face huggers implanting embryos into humans is also a departure from reality.

Moral Statement: None. A moral argument could be made about corporate greed being more important than the preservation of human life.

[Ira Drower]

AGREE, in which case, you Reply to this topic and include three things at the top of the page:
1. Ira Drower
2. I agree to the terms of this release form.
3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.
If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.
Also, if you don’t agree to this group confidentiality agreement, you’ll still need to sign an agreement that says you will keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
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I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
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This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Ira Drower]

Hello,

I am Ira. I have taken many of Hal’s classes and enjoyed them all. I have written eight scripts or so.

I hope to complete a horror trilogy I have been toying with for years. I don’t expect to have them written but at least outlined and have a solid synopsis.

I am finishing up a script for an animated feature film based on a children’s book I wrote. The book will be published in October. We’ll see what happens with the script. I did review the project with an animation producer, which prompted me to write the screenplay.

A bit of a stretch from children’s animation to horror. But I love mixing genres.

[Ira Drower]

Lesson 9 – Emotions Part 2 Assignment
I learned from the assignment to continue the application of emotions to a Rom-Com with additional emotions.
TODAY’S ROM COM EMOTIONS
• Betrayal
• Anger
• Passion
• Obsession
• Love
6. Betrayal – Scene: Chris meets in Ron Fielder’s office.
Chris informs Ron and Bo the vampire stake is real and will kill Count Dracul. Count Dracul is furious that the play he is excited to perform in is just a ruse to bring him out of exile to kill him. The Count believes Sophia is a part of the conspiracy to kill him because she discusses her set needs testing especially for the final death scene.

Scene: Sophia and Jerry discuss the play
Producer Jerry discusses the play while being very handsy with Sophia the evening after she paid him. Count Dracul is on stage awaiting Bo’s direction as he scowls at her.
Scene: Chris tries to weaken Count Dracul at Sopia’s apartment.
Believing Count Dracul is Jewish he provides Count Dracul with some chicken soup and a prayer shawl (talis) to try to harm Count Dracul and prevent him from continuing getting closer to Sophia.

7. Anger – Scene: rehearsal Act 3
Count Dracul, angered by Sophia’s betrayal has Ron Fielder replace the cast with his family of undead vampires and plans to drain Sophia’s blood on stage.

8. Passion – Scene: Sophia’s apartment during a lesson
The passion after Count Dracul made a breakthrough with his speech and he makes love with Sophia.

9. Obsession – Scene: Count Dracul with Chris
Trying to make sense of his feelings he confides in Chris that there are times he looks at Sophia and thinks she could be his one true love and other times she could be his lunch.

Scene: In Ron and Bo’s office
Count Dracul discusses ways to seduce Sophia with his powers. They go over each one and its effect on her trying to come up with a plan that will work.

10. Love – Scene: London – Thames Riverwalk
Count Dracul follows Sophia to London where they embrace and try to figure out where to go and how it can work. Her request for a coffin for two seals the deal as they embrace and prepare for life together as woman and vampire.

[Ira Drower]

What I learned from this lesson was how to incorporate emotions into the scenes of the Rom-Com.
TODAY’S ROM COM EMOTIONS
• Attraction
• Desire
• Yearning
• Doubt
• Jealousy
1. Attraction – Scene: Audition
Count Dracul sweeps Sophia off her feet during his audition. He finds her to be a strong woman capable of being his equal in the stare-down. He finds this to be an attractive characteristic. Count Dracul is not used to women resisting his charms and hypnotic trance. He discusses this at great length with Ron and Bo, his servants, and later with Chris as he struggles to come to terms with someone as powerful as himself.

2. Desire – Scene: After winning the role Count Dracul meets with the cast and Sophia’s team.
Count Dracul and Sophia discuss her stage sets with the authentic castle and village. He offers her advice on what the inside of the castle contains, and she is thrilled to find someone interested in her unique design. She seeks him out for advice even though her work is already extraordinary. Count Dracul makes himself available for her to discuss details about the castle.

3. Yearning – Scene: After an evening Rehearsal
Sophia yearns to be taken seriously as an artist and set designer and Count Dracul provides her with moral support when the crew laughs at her rotating set piece. Count Dracul yearns for someone to take a real interest in his castle and discusses a restoration project with her.

4. Doubt – Scene: Sophia’s apartment after Count Dracul’s breakthrough
Sophia is struggling to understand how Count Dracul could leave after sex because it is close to dawn. Is he really a vampire or just out of sunscreen?

5. Jealousy – Scene: Sophia and Chris save the Production
Jerry the Producer tries to seduce Sophia with future work if she agrees to become his girlfriend. Her looks and personality would do wonders for sealing deals. Sophia pays him to continue the play after he threatens to shut it down unless he receives his weekly stipend. Chris provides the money to Sophia after selling the real vampire stake to a collector.

Chris is also jealous of the attention she receives from Jerry as well as feeling Count Dracul and Sophia are getting too close. Count Dracul becomes enraged when he thinks Sophia is cheating on him. Chris tries to explain that modern women can date multiple people.

[Ira Drower]

What I learned about this lesson was how to incorporate humor into the script with incongruent situations.
1. Use this list to brainstorm Incongruent Situations for your Rom Com.
• 1. Misinterpretation – Chris finds Dracula’s lair but it has a Jewish star on the floor and a prayer pulpit because the space was used many years ago by Jewish immigrants first coming to America.
• Misinterpretation: No one believes Count Dracul is really Dracula the vampire. A lot of humor will come from this misinterpretation. Chris believes Count Dracul to be a great method actor.
• 2. Comedic Surprise – Chris is searching for Dracula’s lair and discovers a closet full of his capes. As he moves the capes around on the rack, he fails to see some of the auditioners bodies are hanging in plastic with the capes.
• 3. Wildly Inappropriate Response – Chris found the coffin and decides to test it out. Count Dracul finds Chris in the coffin. Chris exclaims as the coffin is opened, “This is nice. If you add a mini-bar it works.”
• 4. Forced union of incompatibles – Sophia a successful independent alive woman and Count Dracul who is a vampire, needs blood to survive, and is the Prince of Darkness.
• 5. Embarrassment – Bo and Ron Fielder try to explain to Count Dracul why they left the castle. It was because they were having it deep-cleaned when Bo had an accident on the rug. “I’m not proud of it,” he says sheepishly.
• Embarrassment and Wildly inappropriate response: Chris never felt he had a fan base until Count Dracul’s family of undead tell him what a great actor he is and how they look forward to his films. They think of him as a super star on screen. When Count Dracul says not to worry, they won’t touch you, Chris responds, “I don’t think I will touch myself either. And that’s one of my favorite things.”
• 6. Comedic tragedy – The theatre building goes up in flames as Dracula and family feast on the Van Helsings. Dracula declares “I told my family there would be dinner and a show. Shows over and it looks like we are having Bar-B-Que.”

[Ira Drower]

I learned a unique way of structuring a Rom-Com by creating an outline and expanding it to include the essentials of a Rom-Com.

Lesson 6 – Putting it all Together
I learned that by using all three plot tracks together can create a structure and outline for the Rom-Com screenplay.
Act 1:
Setup
Opening: Count Dracul sits with his assistants Renfield and Boris at his 500th birthday party at his castle.
His Initial State: When no one shows up to celebrate he decides to self-exile himself for 100 years because he feels irrelevant.
Her Initial State: Sophia is on the set of a zombie movie as her ex-boyfriend Chris fumbles his way through a scene as a zombie. His attempts to impress her fall flat as she is more concerned about the set itself and her career than with Chris.
She tells him about a new job she has as set designer for a major play. She shows Chris the unique rotating set she is designing as she stares at a picture of Dracula. Chris goes to his talent agent, Ron Fielder, for more information.
Inciting Incident: Renfield, and Boris are now in New York running a talent agency for actors when they receive a certified letter addressed to Count Dracul. It is an invitation to audition for the role of Count Dracula in a play called, “Dracula Lives”. They awaken Count Dracul.
Chris discovering the news about the play and a potential opportunity to obtain a speaking role. Chris believes he will gain relevance as an actor and rekindle his relationship with Sophia if he can get the lead role as Dracula.
Turning Point: Count Dracul decides to audition. Chris decides to sabotage the other actors’ auditions for the role he desires. Sophia places the picture of Dracula above her workstation.

Act 2:
New Plan: Dracul heads to New York for the audition. (He thinks he is still in his castle in Transylvania.)
Plan in Action: Renfield, now calling himself Ron Fielder and Boris who goes by Bo pretend to transport him in his coffin to New York for the audition.) He watches the others audition and wins the part with his dramatic entrance.
Meet-Cute: Count Dracul sweeps Sophia off her feet and flies up to the top of her set piece with her in his arms.
Him: His gaze into her eyes is meant to hypnotize her but has no effect.
Her: Sophia finds him a bit much as he is flamboyant and somewhat conceited.
Flirting: Count Dracul raises his eyebrows in an attempt to seduce her with his trademark move.
Her: She is not fooled but amused by his continued attempts to place her in his control.
Him: Perplexed by Sophia’s strength of character and not falling for him.
Her Initial Challenge: She tells him she likes that he presented an excellent audition as Dracula down to his egotistical attitude along with his suave act but insists he is no vampire.
His Initial Challenge: No woman has ever resisted his attempts to hypnotize and seduce them. He is confused by her reaction and feels more irrelevant than when he auditioned.
Denial: Count Dracul believes its due to his temporary exile and his powers of control will return.
Count Dracul wins the role as Dracula as the producer is convinced Count Dracul is perfect for the part. Everyone is congratulatory except Sophia. Chris is offered the part as the Judas vampire who hands the vampire killing stake to Van Helsing in the play.
Attraction/Flirting: Count Dracul compliments Sophia on her design of the castle and village that are part of her set pieces and how it rotates for easy transitions between acts. They make small talk until Chris interrupts them.
Midpoint Turning Point: A disgruntled zombie actor, Chris, who is sabotaging the other auditions for the role decides to investigate Count Dracul and locates his coffin and accoutrements in the basement of the theatre where the play will take place. He is convinced Count Dracul is a method actor who excels at magic with mirrors. Chris agrees to help him with the part in exchange for teaching him the tricks he used in the audition.

Act 3:
Rethink Everything
New Plan: Count Dracul is enjoying his newfound fame when the producer decides his accent is too off-putting for modern audiences and wants him to change his speech.
Major Conflict/Obstacle: Chris suggests using Sophia, the set designer who was his old voice coach knowing she is a tough teacher and will upset Count Dracul.
Chris has been a friend to Count Dracul the whole-time offering advice on how to gain Sophia’s trust and get her to like him. The advice is always bad but somehow Count Dracul misinterprets his meaning and gets Sophia to laugh and open up more.
Attraction/Flirting: Count Dracul continues to try to charm Sophia as she starts coaching Count Dracul. At first, she is sweet and endearing to him in an effort to see if that encourages him to change his speech.
Denial: When that fails, she runs roughshod over him in her training using all of the tools of speech pathology and diction at her disposal. They are now at each other’s throats, literally.
Chris stops by one of their sessions to find them fighting and arguing about the lessons. Count Dracul insists he has no interest in what the precipitation is in Spain while Sophia is almost in tears.
Chris is still determined to rid himself of Count Dracul and finds out from the actor playing Van Helsing that Chris can weaken Count Dracul with religious items and food that is part of his heritage. He mistakenly believes Count Dracul is Jewish based on seeing a Jewish star in Count Dracul’s basement lair, presents a prayer shawl, talis, and chicken soup for them to eat.
Separation/Forced Together: Count Dracul complains to Ron Fielder and Bo that his speech classes are terrible, and he is not convinced he can change his speech.
Not wanting to go back to Transylvania Ron and Bo convince Count Dracul to give it one more attempt.
Working Through issues/Differences: Chris tries to make it worse by putting on an AC/DC album to ‘calm’ everyone down. When the song, “If You Want Blood” plays, Count Dracul and Sophia in a call-and-response technique. When Count Dracul sings, “If you want blood,” Sophia responds, “you got it!”
Chris leaves in frustration as Count Dracul and Sophia dance and sing the night away. They make love that night but Count Dracul leaves before dawn.
Turning Point: Huge Failure/Major Shift: Count Dracul after believing Sophia is in love with him sees her getting chummy with the producer, Jerry.
Hate/Betrayal/All Hope is Lost: Count Dracul discovers the fake stake prop that will be used to ‘kill’ him on stage has been replaced by a real Vampire-killing stake stolen from the Hollywood Museum. He blames Sophia who scheduled a rehearsal of the death scene. He is so incensed he changes into a demon in Ron and Bo’s office and plots his revenge.

Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate Expression of Conflict: Count Dracul has Ron Fielder replace all the extras from the play with his ‘family’ of undead and vampires. They will attack and kill everyone else associated with the play at the rehearsal which is open for family and friends of the original cast. Ron Fielder even has the ushers and concession stand employees replaced with Count Dracul’s clan.
Self-Reflection: Count Dracul and Sophia confront each other on stage during the rehearsal.
Her: She gazes into his eyes and raises her eyebrows copying Count Dracul’s earlier moves. A wry smile on her face.
Him: He laughs and reaches for her hand.
Love Happens: Count Dracul cannot kill Sophia and instead they confess their love for each other on stage. He explains he could not bite her because she represents all that he has lost. Her humanity, her warmth, her light that shines through her that he has missed for centuries.

Acceptance and Growth: He lets her leave but unleashes the vampires on Van Helsing and his family. It was Van Helsing who set up the entire play in an attempt to draw Count Dracul out of his self-imposed exile to kill him.
Acceptance and Growth 2: Count Dracul lets Chris go because he is the friend who helped him throughout the process and tells Chris his family of the undead are Chris’s biggest fans. He hands Chris one of his capes as a parting gift.
Resolution: The horde of vampires attack the audience who are all Van Helsing family members as the theatre burns to the ground.
Chris finds new satisfaction with continuing to be a top zombie/undead actor.
Sophia returns to London to reopen her speech school for actors.
Demonstrate the Change: Count Dracul follows her to London saving her from two thugs who try to attack her along the Thames River.
Reunion: They embrace and decide to give their love the chance to flourish. She asks him if they make the coffin that is carried by Ron and Bo in a double-wide model.

[Ira Drower]

I learned that in a Rom-Com both lovers must have a transformational journey in which they both make changes to keep the relationship moving forward.
Dracula’s Transformational Journey:
1. Initial State: Dracula is in a self-imposed exile for 100 years because he feels irrelevant when no one shows up for his 500th birthday party.
2. Meet-Cute Moment: When Dracula opts for a dramatic entrance to his audition sweeping Sophia, who is giving on-stage directions to the other actors, into the air attempting to hypnotize her with her stare. It does not affect her.
3. Initial Challenges: Dracula is not a classically trained actor and doesn’t have stage experience. His entrance and audition win him the role but now he must learn the finer points of acting.
4. Major Conflict/Obstacle: The Producer wants Dracula to change his speech to a more hip version. Sophia can provide lessons. He can only work nights.
5. Self-Reflection: Dracula becomes more obsessed with Sophia who is resistant to his tricks and attempts to control her as she begins to exert more control over him than he is used to.
6. Acceptance and Growth: When Dracula discovers he is being set up to be killed he confronts Sophia on the stage during rehearsal only to admit his true feelings toward her.
7. Demonstrate the Change: Dracula refuses to bite her to change her into his slave because it is the human side of Sophia he is in love with and would never want to change that part of her.
8. Reunion: Sophia leaves the play to return to London and work as a speech coach. Dracula follows her, rescuing her from some thugs and wrapping her up in his cape for warmth. They leave for Mort’s Mortuary in search of a larger coffin for the 2 of them.

Sophia’s Transformational Journey:
1. Initial State: Sophia has been hired to direct a play and design a new set for a rotating stage. She recently broke up with Chris but is excited about the new opportunity.
2. Meet-Cute Moment: Sophia is swept off her feet when Dracula performs his audition for the play. His antics amuse her as she finds his audition unique.
3. Initial Challenge: Although Dracula finds Sophia intoxicating she is not interested in a relationship and wants to keep things professional.
4. Major Conflict/Obstacle: When the Producer insists on changing Dracula’s speech from Old World to a more modern way of speaking. Sophia is forced to work with him on his diction. She must train in the evenings due to his affinity to sunlight.
5. Self-Reflection: When Dracula has a breakthrough, Sophia kisses him sparking their night of romance.
6. Acceptance and Growth: Sophia realizes she has feelings for him and has lied to herself that Dracula could be her one student who became famous due to her coaching.
7. Demonstrate the Change: Sophia confesses her true feelings on stage and quits the play rather than present a false appearance to him. When they meet again in London they reunite and embrace.

[Ira Drower]

I learned that a Rom-Com requires specific elements for that genre. It’s what makes a Rom-Com unique.
The 7 stages of Love:
1) Meet-Cute: Count Dracul, Dracula, flies into his audition with thunder and lightning and shrieks of pain and anguish. He sweeps up Sophia in his arms and flies to the top of the set piece used for auditions. Sophia and Count Dracul stare into each other’s eyes but Count Dracul does not hypnotize Sophia the way Dracula is used to and he sets her down.
2) Attraction/Flirting: Count Dracul wins the audition and works closely with Sophia on his lines. He becomes frustrated when his charm and sophistication do not break Sophia’s single-minded focus on directing the actors and finishing her unique rotating set pieces for the play. Sophia laughs at him when he raises his eyebrows in a flirtatious manner.
3) Denial: Sophia is intrigued by Count Dracul but doesn’t believe he is a vampire. Count Dracul wonders if he needs glasses when hypnotizing women.
4) Separation/Forced Together: Jerry, the Producer wants a more hip version of Dracula and wants to change his speech. Chris recommends Sophia, who was his voice coach. Sophia and Count Dracul must spend time together to improve his speech. Count Dracul can only work on it during the evenings.
5) Working Through Issues/Differences: Sophia begins to suspect Count Dracul is not just an actor. Count Dracul is fed up with her teaching methods and can’t decide if he should continue the lessons or drain her blood. Not being able to work during the day frustrates Sophia. Count Dracul has an epiphany and makes a breakthrough, both falling into each other’s arms in celebration.
6) Count Dracul discovers a real vampire killing stake has replaced the prop stake for Dracual’s death scene. A full-dress rehearsal for Dracula’s death scene causes Dracula to believe Sophia is behind the betrayal. He arranges for the current cast to be replaced with his family and undead relatives.
7) Count Dracul and Sophia face off on the stage during the death scene only to confess their true feelings toward each other. Sophia quits the show and leaves for London. Dracula survives the attempted death and rushes off stage to find his one true love.

[Ira Drower]

I learned from this assignment how to create the story within the story for a Rom-Com using screenplay structure, the 7 stages of love, and the characters transformational journey.
• A. What interesting world could this movie/show be set in?
It’s set in a theatre reviving a 100 year-old play about Dracula.
• B. What major conflict could be happening?
Sophia is human and Dracula is undead. He needs blood to survive. She needs a challenge.
• C. What intriguing situation could these characters be engaged in?
The Director, Sophia takes Count Dracul under her wing to train him as an actor after he wins the role of Dracula.
Act 1:
• Opening – Sophia is directing her ex-boyfriend, Chris in a Zombie movie. Count Dracul is awakened from his exiled sleep by an invitation to audition for a play.

• Inciting Incident – Sophia is selected to direct the stage show of ‘Dracula Lives’ Count Dracul accepts the invitation to audition.

• Turning Point – Count Dracul wins the audition in spite of ex trying to sabotage Count Dracul’s outrageous entrance.
Act 2:
• New plan – Chris discovers Count Dracul’s coffin in the basement of the theatre and agrees to help him if Count Dracul shows him the ‘tricks’ he used at his audition.
• Plan in action – Chris convinces Sophia to work with him on his speech and acting.
• Midpoint Turning Point – Count Dracul falls for Sophia.
Act 3:
• Rethink everything – Chris assists Sophia with speech lessons in an attempt to win her back. Jerry the producer wants to sleep with Sophia and offers her potential Director jobs in his production company. The character in the play, Van Helsing forces Sophia to conduct a full-dress rehearsal of Act 3 of the Play.
•
• New plan – Chris tries to weaken Count Dracul with religious artifacts. Jerry tells Sophia he will shut down production unless he is paid weekly. Chris devises a way to provide the money to pay Jerry by selling a real Vampire Stake made of solid silver that he finds as a stage prop.
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Count Dracul discovers the real vampire stake and blames Sophia for attempting to kill him.
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Sophia and Count Dracul profess their love for each other during dress rehearsal on stage as Sophia quits the play and returns to London because of all the backstabbing going on.
•
• Resolution – Count Dracul turns the tables on the character Van Helsing who is the real Van Helsing and responsible for setting up the whole play in an attempt to destroy Count Dracul forever. He kills Van Helsing, Van Helsings relatives in attendance, and Jerry the Producer. He lets Chris go because he believes he is a real friend. Count Dracul goes to London to find his one true love.

[Ira Drower]

What I learned from this assignment is that it is important to define the characters in a Rom-Com by first defining what makes them a couple, what makes them likable, and what might keep them apart in their search for love.
Concept: Count Dracul, a Vampire and a stage director fall in love while preparing for a play about Dracula and must find a way to work around him being undead and her desire for a career in theatre and film.
Two People Who Belong Together: Count Dracul needs someone outside his world of the undead to make him feel alive. Sophia needs someone who can provide her with love without being needy.
How Are They Separated: Sophia’s ex-boyfriend tries to sabotage Count Dracul’s audition, Jerry the Producer attempts to control her with promises of co-producing and upward mobility in the theatre and film, and Van Helsing is using her to try to kill Count Dracul.
What Forces Them together: Chris agrees to help Count Dracul if he shows Chris his ‘tricks’ and arranges for Sophia to be his acting and speech coach.
Issues to be Resolved: He is undead and struggles with wanting to love her and needing to drink her blood. She discovers he is arrogant and not a willing student.
On Their Journey of Love: The steps to reconciling their two worlds and finding peace together.

• Who is She? A rising star as a director of film and stage, voice and acting coach. She is strong, confident, but unfulfilled with her personal life.

• Who is He? Count Dracul is the vampire Dracula struggling with feeling irrelevant as the Prince of Darkness decides to audition for the part of Dracula in a play.

• What makes them lovable?
Sophia: She is smart, sincere, wants to see her students and actors succeed. Loves a challenge even if it is training a vampire to act and speak properly on stage.
Count Dracul is suave and charming and seeking that which he cannot have, love of a human, warmth, compassion with someone who can deal with his eccentricities.
• What attracts them to each other?
Sophia is attracted to his charm and wit coupled with an old-world style of chivalry attracts Sophia to him. He also shows vulnerability at times but tries to hide it.
Count Dracul is attracted to her ability to look him in the eye and not be hypnotized. She is strong, confident, and accepts no excuses for not following her stage directions. He finds her interesting and believes her loneliness is similar to his boredom with immortality.
• What needs does each fulfill for the other?
Sophia provides the human contact Count Dracul has missed, aside from killing humans for their blood. She represents warmth when he only feels cold, she provides the internal light he shuns during the day, and she is his equal in the way she handles him.
Count Dracul provides Sophia with someone who is finally good enough for her. As her student, she finally found someone who she could mold into a great actor.

[Ira Drower]

1. Name? Ira Drower
2. How many scripts you’ve written? 6 both spec and TV
3. What you hope to get out of the class? Complete this Rom-Com project I am working on.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I am in the process of writing a book. Sci-Fi Action genre.

[Ira Drower]

Ira’s Rom-Com assignment: I learned from this assignment that there are specific conventions in a Rom-com that help define the journey of love. These create important beats within the Rom-Com genre.

My project is titled: Count Me In

The Premise is: A desperate actor, Chris attempts to win back his ex-girlfriend and the lead role as Dracula by sabotaging the auditions of the other actors only to possibly lose both when the real Dracula shows up to audition for the part.

1. Starting with whatever idea you have, fill in the blanks to create a concept.
•Two People Who Belong Together: Sophia and Dracula. • How Are They Separated: She is human, he is undead. Chris, her ex-boyfriend, wants her back. Jerry, a producer wants to use her for his next project.

•What Forces Them Together: A play about Dracula. Sophia is the assistant director, and Dracula is auditioning for the lead. Chris is trying to sabotage the actors so he can win the role. Sophia agrees to coach Dracula with his speech.
• Issues to be Resolved: How to stay together as a vampire and human. Or will Dracula change her or kill her? Will Sophia take Chris back? Will Jerry, the Producer convince her to go with him on a new production?

• On Their Journey of Love: Sophia coaches Dracula’s speech and acting. She is thrilled when he finally gets it.

2. Then fill in the blanks to create your conventions. Even though some of these are the same, it is worth looking at them in the context of the conventions.

• Experience of Falling In Love: Dracula feels irrelevant, and Sophia feels unfulfilled that none of her students were ever successful. She works closely with Dracula.

• The Journey of Love: Sophia agrees to help Dracula with his speech. And acting. Chris helps Dracula with Sophia’s lessons. • Relationship Set-up: Dracula shows up as the final audition for the role of Dracula in a play. He sweeps Sophia off her feet and flies into the air perching on a prop with her in his arms.

• Issues each must Resolve: Can Dracula resist biting her to change her into a vampire? Can Sophia resist his charms? Will she take Chris back? What are her feelings toward Jerry? Can Dracula be her crowning achievement?

• Separation: They part ways on stage as Sophia and Dracula profess their love for each other.

• How will Comedy be Expressed: Sophia believes Dracula could be her most successful student. She chose her selfish goals over Vlad’s goal of performing for the sheer joy of performing. She decides to return to London to coach actors. Chris is clueless and believes Dracula is a fantastic method actor embracing his role. Jerry sees an opportunity in the performance art version of the play and wants Sophia to direct it. While sleeping with him of course. Dracula’s assistants try to keep Dracula out of trouble and provide him with bodies while he rehearses for the play.

[Ira Drower]

Ira’s Rom-Com assignment:
I learned from this assignment that there are specific conventions in a Rom-com that help define the journey of love. These create important beats within the Rom-Com genre.
My project is titled: Count Me In
The Premise is: A desperate actor, Chris attempts to win back his ex-girlfriend and the lead role as Dracula by sabotaging the auditions of the other actors only to possibly lose both when the real Dracula shows up to audition for the part.

1. Starting with whatever idea you have, fill in the blanks to create a concept.
• Two People Who Belong Together: Sophia and Dracula.
• How Are They Separated: She is human, he is undead. Chris, her ex-boyfriend, wants her back.
• What Forces Them Together: A play about Dracula. Sophia is asst director, Dracula is auditioning for the lead. Chris is trying to sabotage others for the role.
• Issues to be Resolved: How to stay together as a vampire and human. Or will Dracula change her or kill her? Will Sophia take Chris back? Will Jerry, the Producer convince her to go with him on a new production.
• On Their Journey of Love: Sophia coaches Dracula’s speech and acting.
2. Then fill in the blanks to create your conventions. Even though some of these are the same, it is worth looking at them in the context of the conventions.
• Experience of Falling In Love: Dracula feels irrelevant, and Sophia feels unfulfilled that none of her students were ever successful. She works closely with Dracula.
• The Journey of Love: Sophia agrees to help Dracula with his speech. And acting. Chris helps Dracula with Sophia’s lessons.
• Relationship Set-up: Dracula shows up as the final audition for the role of Dracula in a play. He sweeps Sophia off her feet and flies into the air perching on a prop with her in his arms.
• Issues each must Resolve: Can Dracula resist biting her to change her into a vampire? Can Sophia resist his charms? Will she take Chris back? What are her feelings toward Jerry? Can Dracula be her crowning achievement?
• Separation: They part ways on stage as Sophia and Dracula profess their love for each other.
• How will Comedy be Expressed: Sophia believes Dracula could be her most successful student. She chose her selfish goals over Vlad’s goal of performing for the sheer joy of performing. She decides to return to London to coach actors. Chris is clueless and believes Dracula is a fantastic method actor embracing his role. Jerry sees an opportunity in the performance art version of the play and wants Sophia to direct it. While sleeping with him of course. Dracula’s assistants try to keep Dracula out of trouble and provide him with bodies while rehearsing.

[Ira Drower]

I, Ira Drower, as a member of this group agree to the following:
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s Favorite Twists

I learned that you can spice up the story/script by including various types of twists and misdirections. These come in various forms and can be smaller in nature such as going from danger to safety or major plot points such as betrayal or trap/escape.

From Act 1:

Unexpected Support: Frank adopts a local pack of wolves he uses to guard a cave and back entrance to the prison. He considers them family and treats them as such.

New Threat: Frank discovers blood and microchips in the restricted closed base and secret Alien prison known as Area 54 identifying two missing local hunters from town.

It Just Got Worse: Frank is forced to bring a military inspector to Area 54 to inspect for toxic material when the Bureau of Land Management leased land next to the site to a cattle rancher.

Deceived: The military inspector is a phony in search of a lost gold shipment. Frank shows him very little.

Identity Exposed: The Military Inspector tells Frank’s girlfriend about Frank who was a vicious tank battalion leader known as ‘rôdeur mortel’, the Death Stalker.

Deceived: The warden tells Frank he will receive a full pardon for capturing the Alien but he doesn’t tell Frank any details about the Alien Predator.

Protected: The wolf pack assists Frank in tracking and hunting the Alien Predator.

From Act 2:

Danger: An Alien Spy from the Universal Planetary Council arrives to eliminate the Alien Predator.

Plan Succeeds: Frank and Prof. Warner’s assistant Rick track the Alien Spy and capture it believing it is the one they seek.

Danger: An Alien Bounty Hunter picks up a communication from the Warden to the Universal Planetary Council alerting them of an unauthorized Alien Predator at Area 54.

It Just Got Worse: The Bounty Hunter takes over the body and mind of the military inspector and insists on a return visit to Area 54. When Frank hesitates to show the Bounty Hunter/inspector any details he decides to take the prison by force.

New Threat: The Bounty Hunter rounds up a group of mercenaries that the military inspector knew were locals and attacks Frank at the prison site.

Plan Fails: Frank and his wolf pack respond with brutal force killing all the mercs except one who escapes with the Bounty Hunter.

Unexpected Support: The Alien Predator kills the escaping mercenary near Area 54.

Unexpected Weapon: The Alien Spy uses its powers of suggestion to influence Rick at the prison within Area 54.

Betrayal: Under strong suggestions from the Alien spy, Rick knocks out Frank and straps him to an examination table.

Attacked: The actual Alien Predator attempts to break into the facility while Frank is strapped to a table.

It Just Got Worse: The Alien Predator has a host of advanced weaponry as well as cloaking capabilities, is powerful, and stands 7 feet plus.

Unexpected Support: Frank’s wolf pack counter-attacks the Alien Predator at the cave preventing it from breaching the entrance.

New Threat: Still under the influence of the Alien spy, Rick begins to shoot at the Alien Predator. If he kills it Frank will not get his pardon.

Escape: Frank manages to free himself from the restraints and disarms the Bounty Hunter. The Bounty Hunter knocks Frank back into the cave as it makes its retreat. The Alien Predator also escapes into the nearby forest.

Unexpected Weapon: The Bounty hunter’s weapon is an advanced laser blaster which Frank now posesses.

Plan Fails: Tracking the Predator, Frank and his wolf pack can not locate it when cloaked.

Reversal: The Alien Predator does what it does best. It now hunts Frank and his wolf pack.

My 5 favorite twists are the Betrayal, It Just Got Worse, New Threat, Unexpected Support, and Attacked.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s Likeability/Empathy/Distress/Justification

I learned that creating empathy for a character, even one who has done or is doing illegal actions can provide a means for an audience to embrace the character and actually root for them.

LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY

A. The local townspeople of Crystal Flats trust Frank more than the authorities.

B. Frank was engaged to a woman in Beirut when he was stationed there.

C. He is tasked with capturing a lethal Alien Predator before it kills again.

D. He has a pack of wolves he cares for like family.

E. He cares for his current girlfriend but struggles to show it.

F. The death of his fiance haunts him since he fired the tank blast that killed her.

EMPATHY / DISTRESS

A. His fiance was killed by his actions.

C. Forced to serve as a prisoner transporter at a secret Alien prison.

D. Set up by the Prison Warden he is forced to track and capture a lethal Alien Predator.

E. Ambushed by an Alien Bounty hunter in search of the same Predator.

F. He is forced to resort to his military training becoming the brutal fighter he was trained to become in the military.

JUSTIFICATION

A. Frank is offered a pardon if he catches the Predator.

B. There are others in search of the Predator who beat him up and try to breach the prison.

C. Frank must engage the other Aliens in search of this Predator before they kill it.

D. The Alien Predator harms his wolves as they track it.

E. The Warden wants the Alien Predator dead and will kill anyone who tries to stop him.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s Map of my Story

I learned that combining the 3 tracks of Action, Mission, Villain, and Action can produce an orgainzed story structure useful in determining plot development.

I will revise and update this as soon as I review my notes from the previos lessons.

1. Opening:

(A2) Fight/Kill: Alien Predator kills two local hunters on restricted military land. It hides the bodies.

(V2) Dilemma: Alien Predator inadvertently kills 2 local hunters on restricted military property.

(M2) Fight/Kill: Alien Predator kills two local hunters on restricted military land. It hides the bodies.

2. Inciting Incident:

(A1) Discovery: Prof Warner activates his teleportation device inadvertently sending a signal to an Alien Predator.

(V3) Decision: Alien Predator hides bodies in warehouse of taxidermist near town.

(M2) Fight/Kill: Alien Predator kills two local hunters on restricted military land. It hides the bodies.

(A3) The Order: Universal Planetary Council sends a spy to eliminate Alien Predator.

3. 1st Act Turning Point:

(A4) Track/Hunt: Frank tracks an unknown entity he believes is the Alien Predator.

(A5) Dangerous Situation/Capture: Frank and his assistant capture an Alien and return to the Alien prison.

(M4) Track/Hunt: Frank tracks an unknown entity he believes is the Alien Predator.

(M5) Dangerous Situation/Capture: Frank and his assistant capture an Alien and return it to the secret Alien prison.

4. Midpoint:

(A6) Hunt/Chase: Frank tracks the Alien Predator using 4X4 off-road vehicles and his wolf pack.

(A7) Escape/Evade: Alien Predator evades Frank using mimicry and cloaking to avoid Frank.

(V4) Plan: Alien Predator cloaks itself as Frank and wolf pack leave the cave in search of it.

(M6) Hunt/Chase: Frank tracks the Alien Predator using 4X4 off-road vehicles and his wolf pack.

(A8) Fight: Alien Predator fires a prisoner restriction net it stole from Frank’s jeep, ensnaring one of the wolves.

(M7) Escape/Evade: Alien Predator evades Frank using mimicry and cloaking to avoid Frank.

5. Second Turning Point at End of Act 2:

(A9) Shootout: The Alien Predator tries a frontal assault on the cave entrance using laser blasters and grenades to blow down the cave wall to the inner prison control center.

(A10) Fight/Escape: Frank uses conventional weapons against the Alien Predator and forces it back into the forest.

(V5) Shoot-out: Predator battles Prof Warner’s assitant, Rick who is under control of an Alien spy.

(V9) Shoot-out: Battle at Area 54 when Alien Predator blasts its way into cave and blows a hole in the cave wall into the prison command center.

(M9) Shootout: The Alien Predator tries a frontal assault on the cave entrance using laser blasters and grenades to blow down the cave wall to the inner prison control center.

6. Crisis:

(A11) Discovery: Frank discovers other entities want to kill the Predator before he catches it.

(V8) Hunted becomes Hunter: Alien Predator takes the fight to Frank as it tracks and hunts Frank.

(A13) Taking Hostages: Frank is forced to trade his prisoner for his kidnapped girlfriend.

7. Climax:

(A12) Fight/Capture: Frank battles Alien Predator with blades using trickery to capture the Alien Predator

(A14) Escape/Rescue: Frank’s girlfriend is recused by the wolves who attack. The Alien Predator temporarily escapes.

(V10) Mano-o-mano: Out of ammo, the Alien Predator takes on Frank using a spear.

(M12) Fight/Capture: Frank battles Alien Predator with blades using trickery to capture the Alien Predator

(M15) Fight to the Death: Frank must fight a gang of assassins sent from the Alien Predator’s home planet to kill it.

8. Resolution:

(A14) Escape/Rescue: Frank’s girlfriend is recused by the wolves who attack. The Alien Predator temporarily escapes.

(V11) FIt Ending: Defeated and captured by Frank, Alien Predator is released to its world’s warriors.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s Action Structure Steps

I learned the three tracks, mission, villain, and action for my story contain the plot points for a 3-Act structure helping to define the story.

1. Look through your three tracks (Mission, Villain, and Action) and find the points that could work for this structure.

Opening – 2 Local Hunters are killed after surprising a lethal Alien
Predator near Area 54, a secret prison for extraterrestrials.

Inciting Incident – Prof Warner activates his teleportation device inadvertently
signaling an Alien Predator his escape route may be working.

First Turning Point at end of Act 1 – Frank is offered a full pardon
for his war crimes conviction if he can capture the Alien Predator.

Mid-Point – Frank captures an unauthorized Alien but it is the wrong
one. He tracks and hunts the Alien Predator in a cat and mouse game.

Second Turning Point at end of Act 2 – The hunted becomes the
hunter. The Alien Predator takes the fight to Frank as it attacks the
prison trying to break in.

Crisis – Frank battles the Alien Predator using his advanced skill
set and senses along with military training to take down the Alien
Predator.

Climax – Frank must now battle an Alien spy, an Alien Bounty hunter,
and a regiment of assassins from the Predator’s home planet whom all want
it dead.

Resolution – Frank kills the lead assassin allowing the Alien
Predator to take its place as the leader of its Warrior race and leave Earth.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s Action Track

I learned this track can add the sizzle with fight scenes, escapes, chases, etc.

Answer these questions to create your Action Track:

A. Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could
naturally show up in this movie?
A cat and mouse chase where it flips from the hunted becoming the
hunter.

B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could
work for this track?

Shoot-outs, advanced Alien weaponry, feats of strength and cunning, chase scenes with a wolf pack.

C. How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate
to a climax in the 3rd Act?

Start as a chase and hunt until it becomes a deadly battle as the Alien Predator runs out of time.

2. Select the types of action you’ll use:

Discovery: Prof Warner activates his teleportation device inadvertently sending a signal to an Alien Predator.

Purpose: The signal is a beacon for the Alien Predator.

Fight/Kill: Alien Predator kills two local hunters on restricted military land. It hides the bodies.

Purpose: Show the power of the Alien Predator and that it will not hesitate to kill.

The Order: Universal Planetary Council sends a spy to eliminate Alien Predator.

Purpose: Insight into hidden opponent, the Planetary Council.

Track/Hunt: Frank tracks an unknown entity he believes is the Alien Predator.

Purpose: Show Frank’s unique skillset of superior senses and agility. Using the sense of smell, IR detection, sight, and electrical impulse detection.

Dangerous Situation/Capture: Frank and his assistant capture an Alien and return to the Alien prison.

Purpose: Show Frank’s daring and capabilities in difficult spots. No fear, take charge guy.

Hunt/Chase: Frank tracks the Alien Predator using 4X4 off-road vehicles and his wolf pack.

Purpose: Action chase where the Alien is bounding between trees as Frank and his wolves follow the moving branches.

Escape/Evade: Alien Predator evades Frank using mimicry and cloaking to avoid Frank.

Purpose: To show the capabilities of the Alien Predator to hide and escape.

Fight: Alien Predator fires a prisoner restriction net it stole from Frank’s jeep, ensnaring one of the wolves.

Purpose: To show Predator’s ingenuity to improvise an escape.

Shootout: The Alien Predator tries a frontal assault on the cave entrance using laser blasters and grenades to blow down the cave wall to the inner prison control center.

Purpose: Increasing action as it is running out of time to reach Prof. Warner’s teleportation device.

Fight/Escape: Frank uses conventional weapons against the Alien Predator and forces it back into the forest.

Purpose: Frank uses superior tactics from previous military experience to fend off the Predator.

Discovery: Frank discovers other entities want to kill the Predator before he catches it.

Purpose: Frank must catch it first to obtain his pardon.

Fight/Capture: Frank battles Alien Predator with blades using trickery to capture the Alien Predator

Purpose: To show it was the human side of Frank that allowed him to defeat a stronger foe.

Taking Hostages: Frank is forced to trade his prisoner for his kidnapped girlfriend.

Purpose: To show other opponents are forcing Frank’s hand.

Escape/Rescue: Frank’s girlfriend is recused by the wolves who attack. The Alien Predator temporarily escapes.

Fight to the Death: Frank must fight a gang of assassins sent from the Alien Predator’s home planet to kill it.

Purpose: Frank will protect his prisoner even if it means his life.

[Ira Drower]

Ira L Drower’s Villain Track

I learned that a strong villain who is also tricky can add value to an Action screenplay.

1. Ask the villain track questions to discover your villain’s plan, decisions, and actions.

A. What might be the villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero? The plan could be pre-existing or created on the spot.

The villain’s only knew the signal that brought it to Frank’s town and Area 54. The plan is to break into the secret Alien prison to find Prof. Warner and his teleportation device. Getting through Frank and his wolf pack requires several attempts to breach the cave and enter the control center. It will kill when threatened.

B. How many ways can the villain attack or destroy the hero?

The Alien Predator has cloaking capabilities making itself virtually invisible to Frank and his senses. It has advanced weaponry, plasma blasters, thermite grenades, laser guidance, superior strength and cunning and is from a warrior race of beings.

C. What advantage does the villain have and how can they explot that in this movie?

The predator can also mimic sounds, both animal and human to throw off Frank and his wolf pack. It can use the trees to move quickly and unnoticed. It can remain cloaked even as it fires its weapons.

D. What would be a fitting end for this villainwhere they pay for what they’ve done?

Frank defeats it in hand-hand combat usind decption to ultimately defeat and capture the Alien Predator.

2. Include labels with each step.

Develop your own set of labels, but make sure you clearly show decisions, plans, and actions your villain takes.

Plan: Follow signal sent from Prof. Warner’s teleportation experiment to Area 54.

Dilemma: Alien Predator inadvertently kills 2 local hunters on restricted military property.

Decision: Alien Predator hides bodies in warehouse of taxidermist near town.

Plan: Alien Predator cloaks itself as Frank and wolf pack leave the cave in search of it.

Shoot-out: Predator battles Prof Warner’s assitant, Rick ho is under control of an Alien spy.

Escape/Retreat: Alien Predator escapes into the woods using the trees to travel.

Deception/Escape: Alien Predator uses mimicry to sound like a bear throwing off Frank and wolves temporarily. Shoots a stolen prisoner restraint net at a wolf forcing Frank to lose the trail.

Hunted becomes Hunter: Alien Predator takes the fight to Frank as it tracks and hunts Frank.

Shoot-out: Battle at Area 54 when Alien Predator blasts its way into cave and blows a hole in the cave wall into the prison command center.

Mano-o-mano: Out of ammo, the Alien Predator takes on Frank using a spear.

FIt Ending: Defeated and captured by Frank, Alien Predator is released to its world’s warriors.

[Ira Drower]

I learned that part of the process of Action is interweaving various tracks of the story. The first is the Mission Track.

1. Ask the Mission Track Questions to discover the Hero’s mission.

A. What is it about this hero that will have tem go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds? Frank was bred for missions like this. His enhanced senses plus his decades of military service make him the ideal candidate for the task.

B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal? Frank must track and capture a lethal Alien Predator without the public discovering the Alien or Frank’s mission.

C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero? Promise of a pardon if he completes the mission. Keeping the predator from killing him.

D. Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on theis mission against this villain? I envision a cat and mouse game where both are at one point hunter and hunted. The tactics get more devious and desperate as time passes and the body count goes up. Eventually shoot-outs with advanced weapons and even hand-hand combat.

2. Use the Mission Steps to Outline the mission.

Clear Mission:

1) Motivation: If he doesn’t get killed, Frank can receive a full pardon for his war crimes.

2) Inciting Incident: An unauthorized Alien Predator inadvertently kills two local hunters on restricted governement property.

3) First Action: Frank pursues and captures an unathorized Alien but it is the wrong one.

4) Obstacle: When cloaked, the Alien Predator is undetectable by Frank, masking its scent, sight, sound.

5) Escalation: Alien Predator begins to hunt Frank.

6) Overwhelming odds: Alien Predator uses advanced weaponry and strength to beat Frank at first.

7) New Plan: Frank must use decption and trickery to capture the Alien Predator and advanced warfare tactics.

8) Full Out Attack: Frank and Alien Predator go mano-a-mano exhausting all of their ammo until it becomes hand-hand combat.

9) Success: Frank captures then releases the Alien Predator to its fellow Warriors.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s Assignment: Hero and Villain.

Concept: Frank, an apathetic, genetically modified convict can obtain a pardon if he captures an unauthorized alien Predator terrorizing a local town.

Hero Morally Right: Caturing the predator will stop the killings.

Villain Morally Wrong: Predator kills anyone it deems a threat.

Hero: Frank Walters, the last descendent of a group of humans genetically modified thousands of years ago to be trackers for Alien visitors.

A. Unique Skill Set: Advanced senses, sight, hearing, touch, smell, in addition to seeing UV and IR light, Frank can pick up electrical signals such as heartbeat, and map out gravitational and magnetic waves.

B. Motivation: Frank can receive a full pardon for war crimes and prevent more deaths.

C. Secret or Wound: The crimes he committed cost the life of his fiance.

Villain: Alien Predator – sees Frank as a threat and a target. 8 feet tall, strong, advanced weaponry, race of warriors.

A. Unbeatable: Extremely strong, well-versed in blades, advanced plasma blasters, grenades, and cunning.

B. Plan/Goal: Kill Frank and his wolf pack to obtain access to Prof. Warner’s teleportation device.

C. What they lose if the hero survives: Capture by Frank, imprisonment, and possible death.

Impossible Mission:

A. Puts Hero in Action: Frank discovers human blood inside restricted military base, Area 54.

B. Demands they go Beyond their Best: Alien Predator makes a game as they hunt each other.

C. Destroy the Villain: The stakes are raised as the body count increases and force Frank to more lethal means of dealing with the Predator.

Elevated answers:

The Alien Predator can also cloak itself and mimic sounds and animals making it more formidable.

Frank is more motivated when his current love interest has a run-in with the Predator..

[Ira Drower]

Hello, my name is Ira Drower.

I have written half a dozen scripts or so.

Hoping to gain how to properly structure the Action scenes.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower

I agree to the terms of the release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s Conventions:

Concept: Frank, an apathetic, genetically modified convict can receive a pardon if he captures an unauthorized dangerous Alien predator terrorizing a local town.

Action – Lesson 1 – Creating your Action Concept

I learned from this lesson how to start with the conventions to deliver on the action genre.

Ira Drower’s Action Conventions:

Hero: Frank, an apathetic, genetically modified convict.

Demand for Action: An unauthorized deadly Alien Predator is killing locals.

Mission: Capture the Alien predator without alerting authorities to receive a full pardon.

Antagonist: Powerful Alien Predator with advanced weaponry.

Escalating Action: As the Alien Predator continues to kill, Frank becomes a target as well.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s Comedy Classic. This is actually based on a true story. The names reflect the real person. Sometimes life shows us comedy and we don’t realize it until many years later.

PS – I no longer drink alcohol.

INT. 1967 DODGE STATION WAGON – NIGHT

1975 2:00 AM

The radio blasts an Edgar Winters song, Free Ride as a twenty year old skinny lad with long black hair, faded blue jeans, and a roach smoldering in the ash tray cruises down the highway singing along.

IRA

“…Come on and take a free ride, (falsetto) Free Ride” Come on and take it by my si..” Shit!

The wagon begins to shudder and shake, sputtering and throbbing in agony as the engine shuts down. IRA deftly steers the metal beast to the side of the road.

IRA (CONT’D)

Fuck. Out of gas, again. Third time this month.

IRA puts on the flashers and exits the vehicle.

IRA (CONT’D)

Have to call the parental unit for assistance. Won’t he be pleased? First things first. Find a pay phone.

IRA stumbles across the grassy berm toward a long wooden fence creating a barrier between the backyards of the homes next to the highway. Climbing the fence IRA flips over and gets his belt stuck on a wooden board.

IRA (CONT’D)

Great. So damn tight I can’t loosen it.

EXT. BACKYARD – NIGHT

IRA rocks back and forth until the board breaks emitting a loud crack. IRA tumbles to the ground as a dog barks and porch lights illuminate the yard.

IRA

Shit.

Scrambling to his feet, IRA runs toward the gate dividing two bungalows and receives a facefull of orange and black streamers and hanging Halloween decorations. Pushing the gate open, flailing his arms a witch hanging from a pole cackles. Her eyes flash orange. IRA knocks the head off, stepping on ghouls and gourds stuck in the ground before slipping on the wet grass and landing on a pumpkin.

IRA (CONT’D)

What the fuck.

EXT. FRONT YARD – NIGHT

IRA surveys the scene. Broken Halloween decorations scattered around the yard, streamers hanging from his neck, and pumpkin up his ass. A small poodle walks up to IRA and licks his hand. The plastic head of a witch lays nearby, eyes still flashing.

IRA

Hello. I think I just killed the wicked witch of the west. We are safe now.

IRA clambers up slowly, picking pumpkin bits from his backside. He ties an orange streamer to the poodle.

IRA (CONT’D)

Let’s go. We have to find a phone. I’m assuming by the curly fur you are French. Eh, Pierre?

PIERRE

Ruff

Pierre pees on the remnants of a Halloween decoration and IRA joins him. They head down the darkened street together.

IRA (SINGING)

“Ding, dong the witch is dead…”

EXT. SIDE STREET – CONTINUOUS

IRA and Pierre reach a main thoroughfare and walk toward a bright area with fluorescent lights illuminating a business.

IRA

Looks like civilization up yonder. Whoa you see this?

IRA gazes into the window of Rolling Stone Record store at a display of albums. Pierre looks into the window.

IRA (CONT’D)

They have the new Foghat album on sale. Cool. And see, Supertramp and Loverboy are playing at Alpine Valley next week. We’re there.

Pierre looks up at IRA and cocks his head.

IRA (CONT’D)

Well, I’m going with Becky. You seem more like an Frank Zappa guy. He has curly hair too.

Continuing down the street IRA and Pierre atop to look in the window of a Levi’s Outlet.

IRA (CONT’D)

Nice bell bottoms. I had Elephant bells once. Kept tripping on them as I walked. I like them when the flair is not overly prominent. Prominent.

Pierre lays down on the sidewalk and begins to lick himself. A police car pulls up along side IRA. Two officers are in the car. The window rolls down.

OFFICER JOYCE

Late night walk with your dog?

IRA

You have a flair for the obvious. Keep it up and you’ll make detective in no time.

Officer Tallwitz at the wheel begins to chuckle. Looking over Officer Joyce’s shoulder he checks out IRA and dog still licking himself.

OFFICER TALLWITZ

This guy is hammered. Look at him swaying. He could use the fresh air, let’s go.

OFFICER JOYCE

Hold on. I’m not done with him yet. You know I should write up your dog for public indecency.

IRA

He is just doing what dogs do.

OFFICER JOYCE

Yeah, sometimes I wish I could do that.

IRA picks up Pierre pushing his belly near Officer Joyce’s face.

IRA

Maybe if you ask him nicely he’ll let you.

Office Tallwitz laughs loud and long as Officer Joyce rolls up his window. The police drive away with Tallwitz shaking from laughter. IRA puts Pierre down.

IRA (CONT’D)

Must not be a dog person. Must be a cat-person.

PIERRE

Ruff.

IRA

Let us continue to yon Dunkin’ Donuts for a pay phone and perhaps a donut. Probably why cops were nearby.

IRA checks his wallet. Two singles.

IRA (CONT’D)

Does the deer have a little dough?

PIERRE

Ruff

IRA

You’re right. Two bucks. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

INT. DUNKIN’ DONUTS – NIGHT

IRA and Pierre walk into the store. IRA sits at the counter. The place is empty except for a pudgy woman, thirties, long auburn hair tucked into a paper cap standing behind the counter. The top button on her uniform straining to contain her large breasts. Name tag displays, Claire. IRA stares at her chest.

IRA

One peanut crunch, one cup of water for my companion and change for the phone.

CLAIRE

No animals allowed. Health code. But you are kind of cute.

IRA

Why, thank you.

CLAIRE

I was talking to the dog. The dog can stay. What’s his name?

IRA

Pierre.

Claire gives IRA four quarters for a dollar bill and scratches Pierre’s head. Pierre licks Claire’s hand.

CLAIRE

Make your call and I’ll get your donut.

IRA and Pierre walk to the pay phone in the back of the store.

IRA

Dad, yeah it’s me. No I don’t know what time it is. I need you to pick me up. No, no accident. Yeah, out of gas. Not sure where.

IRA looks up and shouts at Claire.

IRA (CONT’D)

What’s the address here, Claire?

CLAIRE

6424 Dempster.

IRA

6424 Dempster. Yeah, I’ll hang tight. Pierre is keeping me company.

IRA heads back to the counter. He takes the cup of water and places it down for Pierre. Pierre looks up at IRA.

IRA (CONT’D)

I didn’t forget you.

IRA breaks off a piece of donut and feeds it to Pierre. Then another piece, another.

IRA (CONT’D)

You ate the whole damn thing.

Pierre wags his tail and laps up the water from the cup.

IRA (CONT’D)

I’m going to wait here for my ride, OK?

Picking up Pierre, Claire scratches his head once more and IRA slumps into a booth. Fifteen minutes pass. A faded grey Toyota Corolla pulls into the parking lot. DAD, a short stocky man in an overcoat, slacks, untied shoes walks in. Claire looks up.

CLAIRE

He’s in the corner.

DAD

How many times do I have to tell you to keep gas in that thing.

IRA

I put five dollars in last week.

DAD

But you drive it almost every day. The gas gauge is broken. You need to keep half a tank in there all the time.

IRA

How am I supposed to know if I have half a tank if the gauge shows that all the time?

DAD

Where did you get the dog?

IRA

Dad, this is Pierre. Pierre this is Dad. He knows the neighborhood and found this place.

DAD pets Pierre and checks his dog tag. His name is Tank and he lives down the block. We can stop by and return him to his owner. Now, where is the car?

IRA (CONT’D)

Um, I’m not sure. On the side of the road.

DAD

What road?

Not waiting for an answer DAD heads to the counter.

DAD (CONT’D)

One large coffee black.

IRA

And a peanut crunch donut for Pierre.

DAD

Make it two.

DAD pays for the coffee and donuts and watches it all disappear quickly between IRA and Pierre.

DAD (CONT’D)

First things first. Let’s return Pierre.

The three head towards the door. Picking up Pierre for one last scratch as they pass Claire.

IRA

My compliments to the Breast Maker, I mean Donut Maker.

DAD slugs IRA in the arm.

DAD

Get in the car.

EXT. DEMPSTER STREET – NIGHT

The three vagabonds head east toward an address known only to DAD. IRA squints while trying to read the tag around Pierre’s collar.

EXT. KEATING STREET – CONTINUOUS

As they approach a home a police car is parked in front with Officers Tallwitz and Joyce speaking to an older man in bathrobe and slippers.

OFFICER TALLWITZ

Now calm down sir. It’s just a few decorations.

HOMEOWNER

Screw the decorations. My dog is missing.

OFFICER TALLWITZ

I’ll grab a missing pet form from the car.

Officer Tallowitz enters the squad car and starts leafing through a folder.

OFFICER JOYCE

Did you see anyone?

HOMEOWNER

No. Like I said…

The Toyota stops behind the squad car. DAD, IRA, and Pierre exit.

IRA

Excuse me? Pierre, is this your owner?

HOMEOWNER

Tank! Come here boy. His name is Tank.

Pierre runs to the homeowner, tail wagging.

PIERRE

Ruff.

IRA

I found Pierre on the street with this streamer attached to him. Looks like some kids trashed your yard.

HOMEOWNER

His name is Tank. Thanks for bringing him back.

IRA

Oh, I see the dog-hating police are here. He was very disrespectful to Pierre.

OFFICER JOYCE

I love dogs. Honestly.

IRA

Pierre didn’t think so. Probably owns a cat.

DAD slaps IRA on the shoulder. The homeowner glares at Officer Joyce.

HOMEOWNER

I won’t be needing you two anymore. Tank. Yard.

Officer Joyce slowly walks to the squad car. Tank runs into the back yard. Officer Tallwitz turns off the flashing lights and pulls out laughing at Officer Joyce.

IRA

May I just say, Pierre was a very good dog while in my care.

HOMEOWNER

Again. His name is Tank.

IRA

Au revoir, Pierre.

INT. TOYOTA – NIGHT

DAD grabs IRA by the arm and hastens to the Toyota.

DAD

Now, where is the car?

IRA

It’s right here.

DAD punches IRA in the arm.

DAD

The station wagon you jerk.

DAD checks out the homeowner’s yard. Decorations, and pumpkin pieces cover the yard with streamers blowing in the trees. Then he looks at a wet spot on the back of IRA’s pants.

DAD (CONT’D)

I have an idea.

DAD drives around the block and onto the on-ramp for Highway I-94. Driving about two minutes they locate the station wagon. DAD pulls over.

IRA

Wow, that was quick. I never find it in less than an hour.

DAD grabs the gas can from the trunk leaning to his right from the weight. He looks across the grassy area toward a broken fence and shakes his head. IRA opens the wagon’s door but hesitates and stares at something on the windshield.

DAD

Let me guess. You go a ticket.

DAD starts pouring the gas in the station wagon as IRA yanks the ticket from the windshield.

IRA

Son of a bitch. A parking ticket.

DAD

What did you expect. You parked on the side of a highway.

IRA

It’s not like there’s a parking meter here I can put a quarter in.

DAD

You can also pay me for the gas can. I couldn’t find mine in the basement.

IRA

Oh, it’s in the back of the station wagon.

IRA rambles to the back of the car and opens the hatch. A faded red gas container is strapped to the side. DAD finishes pouring the gas and sets the container down.

IRA (CONT’D)

And check it out. There’s gas in it.

IRA unstraps the container and pours the contents into the car.

IRA (CONT’D)

Sweet. I’ll bet there’s enough in there now for the rest of the week.

DAD shakes his head and returns to the Toyota.

DAD

You good to drive?

IRA

Yeah. That coffee did the trick. See you at home.

INT. BEDROOM – DAY

Loud snores emanate from the bedroom as IRA half hangs off the bed. A plate of food lays on the floor. Drool coats the pillow.

MOM

IRA, Your friend Dennis is on the phone.

IRA

I got it! Yo, Fitz. What’s up? Some fun last nigh, eh? Yeah, I can hang for a while. Have to work tonight though. Lets get a brewski…I work in a liquor store. No one will notice.

IRA throws his jeans in a pile and grabs a folded pair from a different pile on top[ of the dresser.

LWEIS

Mom. Going out for a few. I’ll be back for dinner.

MOM

Ok. Say hi to Dennis for me.

EXT. STREET – DAY

IRA walks toward the wagon as his father and a stranger shake hands. DAD pockets some money and turns to greet IRA.

DAD

Here you go, son.

DAD hands IRA a set of license plates and a gas can.

DAD (CONT’D)

You can pay me for the can when you cash your paycheck later.

The station wagon slowly pulls out of the front of the house with the stranger driving.

IRA

You sold the beast? How am I supposed to get to work?

DAD

Take the bus. Or bike. Or walk.

DAD struts toward the house whistling as IRA watches his beloved ride disappear down the street.

Moral of the story: Sometimes your tank is half-full, some-times its half-empty but most times life can be just plain, as Pierre might say, “Ruff.”

Don’t drink and drive.

The End

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s comments on Talladega Nights.

The review of Talladega Nights was very inciteful. What I learned from this lesson was how much humor and types of humor can be packed into one film. I think this movie touched them all. It didn’t just touch them it ran them over doing 120 mph. Will Ferrell movies tend to drag out like an overlong SNL skit but this one had me laughing from beginning to end. The incongruent nature of the comedy plays out so well in this film. If comedy is measured by the distance between how far the character falls from high to low I think Talladega Nights reached stratospheric heights.

The analysis was helpful in pointing out the set-up and punch-line along with running gags and toppers. I can only hope I write comedy like this.

[Ira Drower]

Assignment 9 – Adding Physical Humor and Prop Humor

What I learned from doing this assignment was to look for areas in the comic scene where physical and prop humor can be added. In my scene I found several areas that add additional incongruence and humor to the dialogue.

Main areas of incongruence – Car runs out of gas with driver who only navigates by stores and malls for reference.

Father is ex-military who blurts out commands as if he is still in the military when woken up suddenly.

(I just realized I used name Cheryl – not intended as a dig on our administrator, Cheryl.)

Changing the name to one that is more aligned with the character I can up with:

Ryder – she should be a rider not a driver.

Additional incongruent ways to present action/props.

Ryder’s Car is left on an angle causing other drivers to veer to avoid the car causing crashes and accidents.

In addition, I had a police officer leave a ticket on the car for illegal parking on a highway. Ryder complains, “It’s not like there is a meter to put a quarter in.”

I have the physical action of her falling over the fence. I added Ryder’s purse strap kept her from hurting herself but then the fence collapsed.

The dog will be used as a prop when the two guys stop to check out Ryder, one hops out and the dog pees on him. Disgusted they leave before telling her where she is.

The boots are a physical prop, she steps in muddy patch while climbing the fence. She grabs a sales paper in the news bin in front of the store and wipes off the mud. It had the address of the store on it.

Rather than go into the Dunkin donuts and ask the patrons what the address is, Ryder disses donuts as evil and asks where there is a Starbucks. The cop is stuffing a donut in his mouth. I added more of Ryder talking about all the bad ingredients in the donuts and health risks causing the officer to toss his donut back in the bag and leave.

Outline Revised:

Assignment 9A – Revised Outline with Props and Physical Humor added

Ira Drower’s Topper Outline

What I learned from this lesson was how to look for bigger laughs and running laughs by repeating he same statement. Using a brainstorm session can point to these potential running laughs as well as tighten up the comedic scene.

Rough Draft:

Characters: Ryder – clueless college student who ran out of gas on highway and can only give directions by what store or mall is nearby.

Dad: Concerned father when woken up suddenly believes he is back in the military.

Ryder is driving home late from her girlfriends when the car starts to hesitate and stall out. She pulls over on the highway at an angle with the rear of her car sticking out on the highway. She calls her father.

Dad answers but in his half-sleep blurts out “All-right recruits nap-time is over. Drop your socks and grab your cocks we’re marching today.”

Ryder: First off, dad I don’t have one of those and I am not marching in these boots. They are brand new.

Dad wakes up and realizes it’s his daughter. Ryder, what’s up? Are you OK?

Ryder: No, I am not ok. The car died on the highway. A car passes screeching as it swerves to avoid Ryder’s car.

Dad: Did you remember to put gas in when you get to half a tank like I told you? The fuel gauge doesn’t work it shows half a tank.

Ryder: How am I supposed to know when it is at half tank when it shows it is at half a tank?

Dad: That’s what that gas app is for that I put on your cell phone. It calculates the distance you drive and lets you know when to add gas.

Ryder: Oh, I thought it was for the other kind of gas. You know the smelly kind like if you ate at a Mexican restaurant or something. What they really need is a crap app. To tell you if you are about to step into something brown and smelly.

Ryder: A San Francisco version would be helpful.

Dad: The fuel gauge is not the only thing registering half-full.

Dad: What about Google Maps on your phone? That will tell you where you are.

Ryder: I had to delete that app. It was too confusing. I mean turn in 100 feet. Does it expect me to stop the car and go out and measure? Plus the little

arrow was always going the opposite of where I was.

Dad: Never mind. I’ll come get you. Where are you?

Where are you?

Ryder: On the highway.

Dad: What highway? Did you see any signs along the way?

Ryder: I did but I did not read them. I only need to know to turn at the tower by JC Penny’s.

Dad: Are there any signs you can read now?

Ryder: Yes, here’s one. 6.2

Dad: That is a mile marker. Any street signs you can see or overhead signs?

Ryder: No, and there are no malls near here.

Dad: Well, you will have to find one for me to get you. Are you by a neighborhood?

Ryder: Yes, there’s a fence and some homes behind it.

Dad: Go hop the fence and check out the street signs, call me back.

Ryder walks across the grassy area toward the fence stepping into a muddy puddle. ‘Yuck – and my new boots’ What good are the boots if they get wet?

Ryder ventures out and tries to climb over the fence. Her purse strap leaves her hanging on the other side of the fence. The fence breaks, not her purse strap as she falls over it.

A dog barks and lights go on in the home and Ryder runs out of the yard leaving the gate open.

Ryder tries to read the street signs, but it is dark, and she left her glasses in the car. A small poodle follows her through the neighborhood.

The Halloween decorations spook her, she screams and the poodle barks. She picks up the poodle asking it, I don’t know what this place is, but I think I saw the wicked witch. You can be my protector. Reads his dog tag incorrectly, Pierre. The dog barks in agreement.

Seeing some bright lights Ryder walks with dog in tow to check it out. She fashioned a leash with a Halloween decoration. She still cannot read the street signs without her glasses but can see the addresses which she ignores. Instead, she checks out the windows of the stores on the main street.

Ryder: ooh, they have a Nordstrom’s Rack here? How come I’ve never been here? And my boots are on sale for $39.95. I paid $59.95!

She checks out the other shops on the street. A Shoe Carnival, Ann Taylor, Yuck, not my style. A Casual Corner. Look Pierre, spring fashions. Ryder and Pierre continue walking along the street, a custom dress shop, too expensive, a second-hand store. She grabs an ad flier from a stack in front of the store and wipes her boots. She ignores the address on the flier.

Do you see this, Pierre? Eighties fashions are the latest. Pierre stares into the window with Ryder.

A car with a couple of young men pulls up along the road.

Dude 1: Hey babe? Going my way? Dude one hops out of the car.

Ryder: How would I know which way you are going? She looks at Pierre.

Dude 2: Ask her how much? Dude 1 checks her out head to toe. How much?

Ryder: Oh, $59.95 but they are on sale at Nordstrom’s rack for $39.95.

She shows off her boots.

Dude1: You look all revved up and running hot.

Ryder: Actually, ran out of gas. Pierre takes a leak on Dude 1.

Dude 2: Let’s go. This chick is nowhere. The two guys take off.

Ryder picks up Pierre: You here that we are Nowhere. At least we now have a town name. Ryder continues to walk window shopping with Pierre. A police car pulls up and asks Ryder if she needs help.

Ryder: No, my dad is coming to pick me up.

Cop: Why don’t you wait at the Dunkin’ Donuts across the street. Cop starts munching on a donut.

Ryder: Ye-ew. No thank you. I wouldn’t want to even get close to that stuff. Do you know what’s in those things? Poison, that’s what. Carcinogins, saturated fat, carbs galore. I hear the cholesterol comes from dead babies. Is there a Starbucks nearby?

The cop places his half-eaten donut in the bag and tosses it on the floor.

Cop: About a mile down the street but it’s closed. You sure you are, Ok?

Ryder: I have Pierre for protection. He may be small, but he is feisty.

Pierre barks.

Cop: Suit yourself. Cop pulls away.

Ryder calls her dad

Dad: Elevation 30 degrees, distance three thousand yards, Fire!

Ryder: Dad, are you awake?

Dad: Latitude 26 degrees west, longitude 160 degrees south. You must cross enemy lines.

Ryder: Absolutely not. I refuse to go to Dunkin’ Donuts. Donuts are evil.

Mother wakes up and punches dad in stomach.

Dad: Oomph… oh Ryder. Did you figure out where you are?

Ryder: No, I left my glasses in the car and worse than that.

Dad: What. What happened?

Ryder: My boots I paid $59.95 are on sale for twenty dollars less!

Mother: Ask her what stores she sees.

Dad: What stores did you see?

Ryder rattles off the stores and says Dunkin is across the street but there’s a Starbucks one mile away.

Mother: She is at Dempster and Austin.

Dad: I can see how she gets her sense of directions. I’m on my way.

Dad picks up some gas in a gas can and drives to meet Ryder.

Dad: Where did the dog come from?

Ryder: Oh, this is Pierre. Pierre this is Dad.

Dad: It has a tag. The dog’s name is Tank. What is the address?

Dad drives to Tank’s house. The homeowner is outside calling for Tank.

Dad: Say goodbye to Tank.

She walks to homeowner holding the dog.

Ryder: Is this yours? Ryder snuggles Tank.

Goodbye Pierre, thanks for being my companion tonight.

A perplexed homeowner walks inside his house with Tank.

At the car, Dad pours the can of gas into the car.

Ryder finds a ticket on the car for illegal parking on a highway. Ryder complains, “It’s not like there is a meter to put a quarter in.”

Several car crashes are being attended to up ahead.

Ryder: Where have I seen one of those before? Oh, there’s one of those in the trunk.

Dad opens the trunk finding a gas container filled with gas.

The next day, Dad places a sign on the windshield of the car. For sale, Fuel gauge like daughter shows tank half-full.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Ira Drower. Reason: forgot to add google map app

[Ira Drower]

Day 8 Assignment

Ira Drower’s Topper Outline

What I learned from this lesson was how to look for bigger laughs and running laughs by repeating he same statement. Using a brainstorm session can point to these potential running laughs as well as tighten up the comedic scene.

Rough Draft:

Characters: Cheryl – clueless college student who ran out of gas on highway and can only give directions by what store or mall is nearby.

Dad: Concerned father when woken up suddenly believes he is back in the military.

Cheryl is driving home late from her girlfriends when the car starts to hesitate and stall out. She pulls over on the highway and calls her father.

Dad answers but in his half-sleep blurts out “All-right recruits nap-time is over. Drop your socks and grab your cocks we’re marching today.”

Cheryl: First off, dad I don’t have one of those and I am not marching in these boots. They are brand new.

Dad wakes up and realizes its his daughter. Cheryl, what’s up? Are you OK?

Cheryl: No, I am not ok. The car died on the highway.

Dad: Did you remember to put gas in when you get to half a tank like I told you? The fuel gauge doesn’t work it shows half a tank.

Cheryl: How am I supposed to know when it is at half tank when it shows it is at half a tank?

Dad: That’s what that gas app is for that I put on your cell phone. It calculates the distance you drive and lets you know when to add gas.

Cheryl: Oh, I thought it was for the other kind of gas. You know the smelly kind if you ate at a Mexican restaurant or something. What they really need is a crap app. You know to tell you if you are about to step into something brown and smelly.

Dad: Never mind. I’ll come get you. Where are you?

Cheryl: Maybe a San Francisco version would be helpful.

Dad: The fuel gauge is not the only thing registering half-full.

Where are you?

Cheryl: On the highway.

Dad: What highway? Did you see any signs along the way?

Cheryl: I did but I did not read them. I only need to know to turn at the tower by JC Penny’s.

Dad: Are there any signs you can read now?

Cheryl: Yes, here’s one. 6.2

Dad: That is a mile marker. Any street signs you can see or overhead signs?

Cheryl: No, and there are no malls near here.

Dad: Well, you will have to find one for me to get you. Are you by a neighborhood?

Cheryl: Yes, there’s a fence and some homes behind it.

Dad: Go hop the fence and check out the street signs, call me back.

Cheryl ventures out and hops the fence breaking it as she falls over it.

A dog barks and lights go on in the home and Cheryl runs out of the yard leaving the gate open.

Cheryl tries to read the street signs, but it is dark, and she left her glasses in the car. A small poodle follows her through the neighborhood.

The Halloween decorations spook her, she screams and the poodle barks. She picks up the poodle asking it, I don’t know what this place is, but I think I saw the wicked witch. You can be my protector. Reads his dog tag incorrectly, Pierre. The dog barks in agreement.

Seeing some bright lights Cheryl walks with dog in tow to check it out. She still cannot read the street signs without her glasses but can see the addresses which she ignores. Instead, she checks out the windows of the stores on the main street.

Cheryl: ooh, they have a Nordstrom’s Rack here? How come I’ve never been here? And my boots are on sale for $39.95. I paid $59.95!

She checks out the other shops on the street. A Shoe Carnival, Ann Taylor, Yuck, not my style. A Casual Corner. Look Pierre, spring fashions. Cheryl and Pierre continue walking along the street, a custom dress shop, too expensive, a second-hand store. Do you see this, Pierre? Eighties fashions are the latest. Pierre stares into the window with Cheryl.

A car with a couple of young men pulls up along the road.

Dude 1: Hey babe? Going my way?

Cheryl: How would I know which way you are going? She picks up Pierre.

Dude 2: Ask her how much? Dude 1 checks her out head to toe. How much?

Cheryl: Oh, $59.95 but they are on sale at Nordstrom’s rack for $39.95.

She shows off her boots.

Dude1: Let’s go. This chick is running on empty upstairs.

Cheryl continues to walk window shopping with Pierre. A police car pulls up and asks Cheryl if she needs help.

Cheryl: No, my dad is coming to pick me up.

Cop: Why don’t you wait at the Dunkin’ Donuts across the street.

Cheryl: Ye-ew. No thank you. Is there a Starbucks nearby?

Cop: About a mile down the street but it’s closed. You sure you are, Ok?

Cheryl: I have Pierre for protection. He may be small, but he is feisty.

Pierre barks.

Cop: Suit yourself. Cop pulls away.

Cheryl calls her dad

Dad: Elevation 30 degrees, distance three thousand yards, Fire!

Cheryl: Dad, are you awake?

Dad: Latitude 26 degrees west, longitude 160 degrees south. You must cross enemy lines.

Cheryl: Absolutely not. I refuse to go to Dunkin’ Donuts. Donuts are evil.

Mother wakes up and punches dad in stomach.

Dad: Oomph… oh Cheryl. Did you figure out where you are?

Cheryl: No, I left my glasses in the car and worse than that.

Dad: What. What happened?

Cheryl: My boots I paid $59.95 are on sale for twenty dollars less!

Mother: Ask her what stores she sees.

Dad: What stores did you see?

Cheryl rattles off the stores and says Dunkin is across the street but there’s a Starbucks one mile away.

Mother: She is at Dempster and Austin.

Dad: I can see how she gets her sense of directions. I’m on my way.

Dad picks up some gas in a gas can and drives to meet Cheryl.

Dad: Where did the dog come from?

Cheryl: Oh, this is Pierre. Pierre this is Dad.

Dad: It has a tag. The dog’s name is Tank. What is the address?

Dad drives to Tank’s house. The homeowner is outside calling for Tank.

Dad: Say goodbye to Tank.

She walks to homeowner holding the dog.

Cheryl: Is this yours? Cheryl snuggles Tank.

Goodbye Pierre, thanks for being my companion tonight.

A perplexed homeowner walks inside his house with Tank.

At the car, Dad pours the can of gas into the car.

Cheryl: Where have I seen one of those before? Oh, there’s one of those in the trunk.

Dad opens the trunk finding a gas container filled with gas.

The next day, Dad places a sign on the windshield of the car. For sale, Fuel gauge like daughter shows tank half-full.

[Ira Drower]

Assignment 7 – Comedy Brainstorm Session

Ira Drower’s Comedy Situation.

What I learned from this lesson was how to organize a comedy scene by first brainstorming an idea for a comic situation and then producing characters and events that may add to the comedy. Having an outline helps solidify the scene and its potential for laughs.

The comedy situation: Wildly inappropriate response

A college student home for summer vacation runs out of gas on the highway at 2:00 AM. She wakes up her sleepy father to come and help her.

Comedy characters: Cheryl: Clueless daughter who can only drive by landmarks such as shopping centers, stores, or parks.

Dad: Sleepy father who if woken up too soon believes he is still in his dream.

Outline: After a night out with her girl friends Cheryl runs out of gas on the highway in her father’s car.

Calling her father, it takes time for him to fully awake and believes he is still in boot camp.

Father asks questions but she drove past highway signs and is not near an exit.

She must discover where she is by searching for a street sign off the highway.

Hopping a fence, she walks through a neighborhood but becomes frightened by the Halloween decorations.

She finds a main street but can not read the street signs, left her glasses in the car.

She must provide directions by what stores are on the street

Winds up providing sales information for the store but incredibly detailed.

A car slows down, and two guys ask her how much. She responds with sale prices for shoes.

A police officer stops but she says she is fine, just window shopping, forgets to ask what street she is on.

Calls father but he is relaying military information which daughter tries to follow

Finally, mother helps and directs father to pick up daughter.

Daughter forgets where she left car. Must decipher it using military intelligence methods.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Ira Drower.

[Ira Drower]

Assignment 6 – Writing Funny Lines

Ira Drower’s funny punchlines.

What I learned from this lesson is there are many types of punchlines that can work for any set-up. The key is to try as many as possible until there is one that works best for your scene.

I also re-visited the logline for character.

In this scene from my script: “The Fashionista and the Cabbie” the following loglines were created.

Helen – A fashion maven who became famous making fashions for pets and animals but cannot design correct proportions for people.

Frank is a cab driver who uses Google maps application providing directions in French which he cannot understand.

Mick is a former mob associate now a sadistic tailor.

Jennifer is a perpetual intern in love with a mannequin.

The scene takes place after Mick and Jennifer hastily dress Frank in extremely tight-fitting clothes. He must model them in front of Helen’s investors.

INT. MEETING ROOM INTERCONTINENTAL – DAY

Jennifer and Mick push Frank into the room where Mr. Borrows,

his three assistants, and Helen drink champagne.

HELEN

Are here he is. I present to

you New-Man fashions. Guaranteed to

make a statement with any man. And impress any woman.

Frank slides across the tile floor waving his arms for

balance.

FRANK

I can’t bend my knees.

Jennifer and Mick push Frank along the floor in front of the

investor group. Helen grabs Frank by the lapels.

HELEN

Are you trying to embarrass me? You

are modeling New-Man fashions. You

are supposed to glide across the

floor gracefully. (SETUP)

Punchlines: All by Frank

Absurd Request: Cut me, Mick

Comparison: This isn’t a suit. It’s a pressure cooker and my nuts are roasting.

Exaggeration: I should have Mick cut out my skeleton and pour what’s left of me into this suit. It might fit better.

Insult: Do you design clothes for a broom stick?

Metaphor: I know now how Frankenstein walks.

Misinterpret: I said Grace just before they pushed me in.

Parody: Just attach a string to my belt and use me as a pull toy.

Rename: New-Man? This should be called Dead-Man.

Rename2: New-Man? This design should be called Ex-Man.

Rename3: New-Man? You should call this thing No-Man. Because no man can wear it.

Reversal: You’re right. The life hasn’t been squeezed out of me, yet. It’s probably too late for any future progeny.

Understated: Am I supposed to feel my legs or my feet? Are they still there?

[Ira Drower]

Assignment 5 – Characters Built for Comedy

Ira Drower’s comedy character loglines.

What I learned from this assignment was how a character can be funny by looking for what is incongruent about them.

Movie Title: The King’s Cook

King Karim is the overweight ruler of a small Central-Asian country and hires a fry cook to prepare his meals and help him lose weight.

Jabir is a fry cook who believes he can create healthy food by frying it. His deep-fried fruit led to his hire by the King.

Aziz is the Prime Minister and former talent show judge who speaks like a game show host.

Rana is the king’s greedy wife whose fake charity to create healthy meals for the country’s poor becomes an international success even though the charity provides no meals to the poor.

INT. ROYAL KITCHEN – DAY

King Karim, a plump forty-year-old wearing pajamas with the

Royal seal of the kingdom on the chest walks past a long

table filled with plates of food. Beside him is the beautiful

Queen Rana, adorned with a jeweled necklace, silk nightgown

covered by a luxurious robe. Behind each plate is a line of

people in white coats and chef hats.

KARIM

They all look so good. When do we

get to taste them?

RANA

Soon, my king. We will be

broadcasting live for the kingdom.

Aziz will manage the ceremonies.

Prime Minister Aziz, fifty with silver hair, goatee, and grey

suit walks alongside the king.

AZIZ

Now, remember your highness, I will

make the introductions and you can

taste the food. One bite only,

please.

KARIM

What if I like it? Can I eat it

later?

AZIZ

Of course, your excellency. Just

do not scarf it down in front of the

camera like a starving beggar.

A camera operator steps in front of King Karim and Aziz motions to

him to begin filming.

AZIZ (CONT’D)

Welcome subjects of Tamarin. Today

our very own King Karim will be

tasting the wares of our country’s

top chefs. Joining him is the

lovely Queen Rana.

Rana waves to the camera twisting her hand at the wrist. King

Karim nods.

AZIZ (CONT’D)

This is an auspicious

occasion because the winner of the

taste test will become the King’s

Cook.

King Karim pauses at the first plate. His eyes widen with

excitement as a bit of drool appears at his lower lip.

RANA

Easy, my king. This is only the

first plate.

AZIZ

Not only will the winner receive

this high honor but the food

created by our kingdom’s new chef

will be featured in Queen Rana’s

food program, “Stuff-it, Stuff-It

Good,” where no one leaves hungry.

RANA

And let us not forget the other

goodies.

KARIM

There are more goodies here?

AZIZ

Yes, the winner also receives a set

of knives whittled down from old

ceremonial swords as well as a

complete set of copper pots and

pans. Retail price for these items

is 7,000.00 Drachmas.

Aziz queues the sound technician to activate the applause

machine.

KARIM

Can I taste now?

RANA

Not yet my love we have to

introduce the chef and his dish.

KARIM

But I’m hungry. You know how I get

if I don’t get my morning feast.

AZIZ

First up, he is an accomplished chef

with his own Vegan restaurant right

here in Taraminda. He wrote a

popular cookbook and has been

featured in the Food

Section of the Tamaran Times. And

ladies just so you know he is

single, allow me to introduce, Chef

Walid.

2.

Aziz queues the sound guy for applause. Queen Rana claps as

her eyes check Chef Walid top to bottom.

RANA

Ooh, I hope he wins.

AZIZ

Chef Walid, could you please tell

us a little bit about your dish?

Walid, a handsome, tall mean with jest black hair and steely black

eyes.

WALID

I present for you a faux chicken

pot pie made with a cauliflower

crust, peas, soy milk, celery

seeds, and diced carrots.

KARIM

Pie! I love pie, especially for

breakfast.

King Karim drives his royal spoon into the dish almost

cracking the plate. King Karim motions toward his personal

assistant who brings over a bowl. King Karim spits the

mouthful into the bowl, the official Spittoon.

KARIM (CONT’D)

Tastes like vegetables. Where’s the

pie? Where’s the chicken?

A dejected Chef Walid stands silent with his head down.

KARIM (CONT’D)

Next? I hope there is some edible

food here?

RANA

My king, we are trying to introduce

healthy options for you and your

subjects.

KARIM

Do they have to taste like paste?

AZIZ

Well folks, looks like Chef Walid

will not be winning this contest.

Let us see who our next contestant

is.

Aziz, Rana, and King Karim walk down to the next dish,

camera operator in tow.

3.

AZIZ (CONT’D)

Here we have a young protege, Chef

Jabir. He is currently working as a

fry cook at Wendy’s but enjoys

frying food of all kinds. His

motto, “If its fried, it’s good.”

Jabir is a skinny eighteen-year-old with pimply face and long

scraggly hair. His voice squeaks as he speaks.

JABIR

Today I have prepared a deep-fried

concoction of strawberries and

blueberries coated in a light

creamy batter. Enjoy.

King Karim reluctantly takes a small piece of the food on the

plate which looks like something a dog threw up. After

tasting it, he quickly consumes the remaining food.

KARIM

We have our cook. That is

delicious.

AZIZ

Your highness we have twenty-five

minutes left for the show.

KARIM

Shows over, we have our winner.

Aziz and Rana shake their heads as the remaining contestants

sigh.

[Ira Drower]

Assignment 4 – More Comedy Situations

Ira Drower’s comedic situation – comedic tragedy, forced union of incompatibles, and embarrassment.

What I learned from this lesson was three more techniques for adding comedic situations to a screenplay. I added all three to the following scene from this ongoing script. Let’s call it ‘The Fashionista and the Cabbie.’

In this scene, Helen Blazemore convinces Frank Luzinski to be a fashion model for an hour for her investor.

INT. MEETING ROOM INTERCONTINENTAL – DAY

Helen Blazemore walks toward Mr. Borrows, fifty, sharp[1]dressed, Rolex watch in full display and shakes his hand.

Three young men in their twenties, slim, hair perfect, black

Alan David custom suits stand close by.

HELEN

Mr. Borrows, so nice to finally

meet up with you. I think you will

be impressed by what you see here

today from Blazemore Fashions.

Helen glances at the three suits and looks back to Mr.

Borrows

MR. BORROWS

Let’s see what you have that can

turn my investment into something

worthwhile.

HELEN

I can assure you this will be

revolutionary as well as

profitable. Allow me to introduce

to you our subject, the common man.

Jennifer, would you bring in Mr.

Luzinski?

4.

Jennifer, young twenties, dressed in a black pantsuit escorts

Frank into the room spraying Lysol in front of him.

HELEN (CONT’D)

Mr. Borrows may I present to you

Mr. Frank Luzinski. This is how he

looks on a daily basis.

MR. BORROWS

Did you find him at a homeless

shelter? Appreciate spraying the

Lysol by the way.

Frank extends his hand to Mr. Burrows who cringes at Frank’s

dirty nails.

FRANK

Hello, Frank Luzinski. How goes it?

MR. BORROWS

Is this some kind of joke? I was

expecting to see your new line.

HELEN

Let me explain, this is the before

model. The man on the street as it

were. Unkempt, no style, no flair,

no deodorant. In short, a hot mess.

MR. BORROWS

Again, thanks for the Lysol.

HELEN

In ten minutes he will become what

every man aspires to be. Once he

dons the NewMan line of clothing he

will exude class and confidence.

FRANK

Hey, I have style and hair.

Helen motions to her assistant Jennifer to take Frank to the

dressing room set up in the back of the conference room.

HELEN

Why don’t you and your associates

have some champagne and caviar

while my staff transforms him into

a NewMan fashion man.

5.

INT. BACKROOM – DAY

Jennifer pulls a reluctant Frank to the back. Mick, a short,

balding fifty-year-old with a pencil thin mustache and a

tailor’s tape hanging from his neck greets him.

MICK

How much time do we have?

JENNIFER

About ten minutes or until the

champagne runs out.

MICK

Eight minutes. OK. I need both of

you to do as I say.

FRANK

Who are you? Can I get my parking

voucher now?

MICK

No time for introductions. I’m

Mick. Take off all your clothes.

Mick tugs at Frank’s pants as Jennifer pushes him into a

chair. Jennifer grabs an electric razor and begins shaving

off Frank’s stubble.

MICK (CONT’D)

Leave a smooth facial growth but

not too much, and see what you can

do about his hair.

Frank tries to move from the chair, but Mick quickly removes

his shoes and socks and tosses them in the trash can nearby.

FRANK

What the hell…

Mick quickly measures his feet.

MICK

11 and a half. We have 11. That

will do. Take off your pants.

FRANK

There’s a lady present.

MICK

You mean Jennifer? Not to worry she

is a pro. She worked fashion shows

for Ru Paul.

6.

Mick quickly removes Frank’s sweater and T shirt in between

Jennifer trimming and yanks off Frank’s pants.

FRANK

I wasn’t told I had to lose my

clothes.

MICK

You call these clothes? Goodwill

has better.

FRANK

That’s where I bought them.

Jennifer rolls her eyes as Mick throws a pair of bikini

briefs at Frank.

MICK

Take off your shorts and put these

on.

FRANK

She has to turn around.

MICK

How will she cut your hair if she

can’t see? Hurry, we only have six

more minutes.

JENNIFER

Trust me your hair is a mess, I

need to concentrate up here, not

down there.

Frank quickly removes his underwear while Mick holds the

trash can and points to it.

FRANK

Ouch. Up here, up here.

JENNIFER

Sorry, but your hair is too thick.

MICK

Honestly, I have my doubts. His

hair is too thick down here too.

Jennifer applies some gel to Frank’s hair with one hand,

after shave to his face with the other. Mick slips a pair of

gold socks onto Frank’s feet.

JENNIFER

Hope I didn’t mix those up.

7.

MICK

No one will notice. Stand up. I

need to measure your inseam.

FRANK

My what? Whoo…

Mick takes three measurements and shakes his head.

MICK

We only have a 32 waist, and you are

a 34. Suck it in. Jennifer, give me

a hand.

Jennifer and Mick pull a pair of slacks onto Frank as he

grimaces when they get stuck at his thighs.

MICK (CONT’D)

Suck in your thighs?

FRANK

How the hell am I supposed to do

that?

MICK

Helen told me I would get a real man

with a model’s physique not a body

by Frito-Lay.

FRANK

These don’t fit.

MICK

Jen, give me a hand with the

pullover shirt. He won’t be able to

tuck it in but the jacket should

mask that.

Jennifer throws a bamboo-colored shirt over Frank’s head as

Mick continues to struggle with the pants.

MICK (CONT’D)

We’re almost out of time. Only one

thing to do.

JENNIFER

Cut him, Mick.

Frank tries to run but falls over as Mick approaches him with

a pair of large scissors.

FRANK

Nobody’s cutting me!

8.

MICK

Will you stop being a baby?

Honestly, how am I supposed to do

my job with you fighting me every

step of the way?

Jennifer holds Frank down as Mick begins to snip at his

trousers.

FRANK

Careful with those.

MICK

I am a professional. I have been a

tailor for forty years. I deserve

your respect not your attitude.

FRANK

Watch out, you are mighty close

to…

Mick finishes cutting and he and Jennifer stand Frank up.

Mick slides the pants up and with one slap to Frank’s gut he

manages to button them.

MICK

Now hold your belly in until I

tighten this belt.

FRANK

I can’t breathe.

MICK

Perfect, just a second more. OK.

Now for the zipper. Suck in your…

Mick begins to zip as Frank’s eye go wide. He places a shoe

horn against Frank’s crotch and zips the pants all the way.

JENNIFER

You are a genius Mick. Here is the

jacket.

Mick takes Frank’s right arm and thrusts the jacket sleeve

onto it. Spinning Frank around, he yanks the other sleeve over

his left arm.

MICK

I told you to suck it in. Once more

while I button this. There.

Frank is beat red and is sliding on the tile floor.

9.

JENNIFER

His shoes.

Jennifer places each shoe beneath Frank’s feet as Mick shoe

horns them on his feet.

FRANK

They’re too tight. I know I know.

Suck in my feet.

MICK

Now you’re getting it. It’s about

time you’re working with me.

Jennifer does a quick comb of his hair.

FRANK

Should I suck in my hair, too.

MICK

Just the crotch area would be nice.

I think he’s ready.

JENNIFER

Oh, wait. One more thing. Open your

mouth.

Frank opens his mouth as Jennifer sprays into it from a

bottle.

FRANK

What the hell was that?

JENNIFER

Fabreze surf scent. It’s all we

have.

Frank gags and tries to wipe the taste from his mouth.

MICK

Not with your new clothes. Here use

one of your old socks.

Jennifer and Mick slide Frank toward the door.

FRANK

I can’t feel my feet.

MICK

Do you think it’s easy preparing

you for a show in less than ten

minutes? Well, let me tell you it

isn’t. You are no day at the beach.

But thanks to us you look like a

day at the beach. You even smell

like one.

FRANK

I still can’t breathe.

JENNIFER

Show time!

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s Comedy Situation – Misinterpretation.

What I learned from this lesson is there are many ways to create comedic situations leading to laughs from an audience. This example shows misinterpretation. Another would be Fish out of water as in my example of a sultan who never cooked before starring in his own cooking show. A third would be comedic surprise. I could use that in either scenario. If Frank pretends to be a fashion model and gives a performance for Helen’s investors.

INT. INTRNATIONAL TERMINAL JFK – DAY

Helen Blazemore, thirty, struts through the airport. Her high-heels echo with a clatter alerting others to be alert. Her ear buds are hidden behind jet black hair cut in a blunt-chop. A double breasted blazer compliments her Tom Ford pencil skirt and ribbed crop top. She pulls out her cell phone from a Hermes bag.

HELEN

Yes, this is Helen Blazemore.

DRIVER (O.S.)

Miss Blazemore, this is your limo driver. I’m afraid there has been an accident on the highway. I will be there in approximately ten minutes.

HELEN

You should be waiting for me with the door open now. I do not have time for accidents. You’re fired.

Helen closes her cell phone and continues briskly walking through the terminal brushing people aside who do not yield to her pace.

EXT. JFK CAB STAND – DAY

Helen glares at the long line of passengers waiting for a cab and rushes past them toward the first one in line.

ATTENDANT

Hey, lady you have to wait your turn. Lady!

Helen pushes past an elderly couple attempting to enter a cab and climbs in shutting the back door.

HELEN

Intercontinental, Manhattan. And hurry please.

Frank Luzinski, mid-thirties, places his half-eaten sandwich on the seat next to him. Crumpled food wrappers and bottles of Pepsi occupy the passenger seat. He wipes a drop of mayonnaise-mustard from his white t-shirt with bold AC-DC letters and licks his fingers. Baggy jeans, worn brown cardigan complete his attire.

FRANK

You’re suppose to wait until the attendant tells you…

Helen pulls out a $100.00 bill and hands it to Frank.

HELEN

Go now, and hurry.

Frank punches the accelerator throwing Helen against the back of the cab. Food wrappers and Pepsi bottle spill out from beneath the front seat forming a mound around her Jimmy Choo pumps.

HELEN (CONT’D)

Do you ever clean this vehicle? It smells like a soup kitchen.

FRANK

At least once a month if I have time. Seems like I’m always driving. Bills to pay, you know.

HELEN

I don’t know.

Helen pulls out her cell phone and dials.

HELEN (CONT’D)

Frances, is everything ready for our investors?

FRANK

The name is Frank. Only my mother ever calls me Frances.

Ignoring Frank, Helen continues her conversation.

HELEN

It’s important to be on top of our game today. Let’s go over the agenda.

FRANK

We picking up someone else?

HELEN

Everyone must be dressed to the nines. Tight fitting. Show it if you have it.

Frank looks at his jeans.

FRANK

I tried those slim jeans. When you drive 18 hours a day you need some room down there. Nothing worse than getting your junk compressed in your pants. That’s why I wear only baggy ones. And no boxers. They fall out sometimes and let me tell you the show ain’t pretty.

Staring out the window, Helen continues her conversation.

HELEN

And absolutely no white. It is October.

Frank checks his AC/DC shirt.

FRANK

You’re right. I wore this one yesterday. Probably should have put on the Black Sabbath one. It’s…black.

HELEN

If I see white I will rip it off their body.

FRANK

Seems a bit forward. We hardly know each other.

HELEN

And another thing I want the food and drink set up for easy serving.

FRANK

I suppose we could go through a drive-through if you’re hungry. Better yet I know this awesome deli.

HELEN

Champagne chilled?

FRANK

If you use their app they will put your booze in a to go cup.

HELEN

Will you shut-up? I am on the phone.

FRANK

Oh, OK. Sure you don’t want deli? You look like you could use some food in…

HELEN

Shut-up. No, not you dear this annoying cab driver. He is the poster child on how not to dress.

FRANK

I’ve never been on a poster before. Although my father always told me he looked forward to seeing me on a milk carton.

HELEN

In fact. I have an idea. Get the Lysol ready…Well find some or take it out of the corporate bathroom. We’ll put on a show they won’t forget.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Ira Drower. Reason: Forgot to add my name and what I learned

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s Comedy Plots

What I learned doing this assignment was how much fun it was to brainstorm ideas of comedy plots based on the 3 types, Fish out of Water, Incongruent Pairings, and Hilarious Purpose.

Premise: A fashion designer meets a garrulous cab driver

1. Fish out of Water:

Fashion Designer breaks a leg and has the cabbie produce their Paris Fashion Show.

2. Incongruent Pairings:

Famous fashion designer and cabbie linked romantically

3. Hilarious Purpose:

Fashion Designer wants to create a line of clothes for the ‘common man’

Character: The sultan of a mid-east kingdom desires to cook.

1. Fish out of Water:

Having never cooked before he attempts several failed recipes from online.

2. Incongruent Pairings:

Sultan employs a fast food worker to assist creating complicated dishes.

3. Hilarious Purpose:

Overweight sultan wants his country (and himself) to be healthiest in the world to win a grant from the World Bank.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower – Funny scenes from the movie Night Shift

Night Shift – starring Henry Winkler and Michael Keaton

What I learned from this lesson was comedy is about incongruities in logic. The bigger the incongruity, or gap, between what might be a normal response and what is said is what delivers big laughs.

I chose the movie Night Shift because Henry Winkler’s stiff character plays so well against Michael Keaton’s manic idea-man persona it delivers laughs throughout the film.

I selected several scenes demonstrating this. At times it almost sounds like a Stand-Up routine but that’s the comic approach used here.

I specified set-up and pay-off below. These clearly show the incongruity in the scene.

Why do you listen to my mother?

This is the same woman…

…who goes to a seance every (set-up)

Friday night since my father died…

…just so she can still yell at him. (payoff)

You want to know why

I carry this tape recorder?

It’s to tape things.

See…

…I’m an idea man, Chuck.

All right?

I get ideas all day.

I can’t control them.

It’s like they come charging in.

I can’t even fight them

if I wanted to.

So I say them in here.

That way, I never forget them.

Okay, here’s an example.

Watch out. Stand back.

This is Bill.

Idea to eliminate garbage. (set-up)

Edible paper. (pay-off)

Eat it, it’s gone.

Eat it, it’s out of there.

No garbage.

I got everything in here.

Business ideas, inventions.

She sells cowboy hats. (Set-up)

The man was in his underwear.

And cowboy underwear. (pay-off)

Belinda! Come on, darling.

Haul it in here, now.

I’ll be right in.

I’ve got to go.

We’ll keep it down.

I think I should go home.

Why? They said they’ll keep it down.

When did you get dressed?

It wasn’t going to be any good

tonight anyway. I feel so guilty!

I cheated today. (set-up)

– You’re kidding.

– I had a Nestle’s Crunch bar. (pay-off)

Food.

I feel like dirt. (pay-off)

This weekend,

I go to Atlantic City…

…and I do nothing but play blackjack

straight through.

I won’t even get a room, (set-up)

I’ll just get those Wash ‘N Drys. (pay-off)

You know? Did I tell you

I thought of them first? (set-up)

Only they already had them. (pay-off)

Twenty-one.

Wait a minute.

Hold the phone.

I got it!

Oh, you’re going to cure cancer.

Tuna fish. (set-up)

What if you mix…

…mayonnaise in the can

with the tuna? (pay-off)

Hold it!

Hold it! Wait a minute!

Take live tuna fish…

…and feed them mayonnaise. (pay-off)

This is good.

Call StarKist. (pay-off)

This is great!

Can I help you?

Yes, I’m looking

for a Mr. Blazejowski.

I’m Jefferey Durkin.

You sure are.

How you doing, Jeff?

You got money for me?

Some cash? Some do-re-mi?

– 20 bucks, right?

– 20 bucks. Thanks.

Wait outside while

I’m getting the car.

– Sure.

– All right, there you go.

Nice tux!

Good fit!

I don’t want to be a buttinksy,

but what exactly is going on?

Some kind of debutante ball.

Kid wants me to take him and his girl.

You’re taking one of

the morgue vehicles?

It’s a limo, ain’t it?

It’s a limo for dead people. (set-up)

Did you see that kid? (pay-off)

Wait. Are you telling me…

…that every night you leave,

this is what you do?

There isn’t a debutante ball

every night. (set-up)

I do weddings, bar mitzvahs

or just cruise the airport. (pay-off)

I picked up these Japanese guys.

$400 from the airport to the U.N.

You’re ripping off diplomats!

Here.

It’s $100.

What is this for?

Okay, big-time, let’s roll!

Rock and roll!

What happens if we get a call?

If you have to go

and pick up a body or….

I’ll be back.

By the time I get there,

they won’t be dead anymore?

Hey, kid.

Do you like music? (set-up)

– Sure!

– Good.

Jumpin’ Jack Flash, it’s a gas-gas-gas (pay-off)

Michael Keaton sings

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower

4 scripts written

I hope to obtain a better understanding of how to write comedy and improve my screenplays.

I love all types of comedy and have written some material for stand-up comedy. Haven’t performed it yet, but I will let you know when I do.

[Ira Drower]

Action Assignment 5 – Create Your ACTION Track

Ira Drower’s Action Track:

What I learned from this assignment was that I had been thinking about the ACTION from the beginning of these assignments. I even included some in previous assignments. This afforded me additional opportunities to enhance and add to the action track.

1. Questions

A. Considering the Concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up in this movie?

In this movie action shows up from the very beginning. Captain Miller’s revenge killings of gold hunters who stole documents from him. The need for Frank to keep his mission a secret from the world and the base secure means he will take any action necessary to accomplish this. The ramifications of failure mean return to prison and loss of co-workers and girlfriend. The added twist of an experiment by the crazy Professor causing a geological phenomenon and Alien escape ups the action as well. The mobster who Captain Miller brings into the fold with a modified plan of attack also creates action.

B. Considering the Mission and the Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track?

The mutilation of the gold hunters by Miller, the battle pitting Frank against the mercenaries, the rancher who wants the wolves killed, the mobster who kidnaps and forces Frank’s girl to take them to the wolves’ lair in search of the gold. The Alien escape who must be caught and kept secret as well by Frank.

C. How can the action start well, build in the 2^nd Act, and escalate to a climax in the 3^rd ACT?

The horrific murders of the gold hunters by Miller.

The battle against the mercenaries.

The missing cow, Professor’s unauthorized experiment causing ground tremors, the demand for Frank’s wolfpack to be culled, the escaped Alien.

The introduction of a cruel mobster who wants revenge against Frank’s girl and her kidnap and torture to lead them to the gold.

The final battle for the Alien prison against a horde of Alien hunters, MUFON agents, US government officials, drunk towns people on one front, the mobster, rancher, and Captain Miller holding Frank’s girl at the wolves’ cave is going to be one great finale.

Action Scenes Sequenced:

Ambush: Two gold hunters are ambushed by Miller and slaughtered as if by some large beast with claws.

Purpose: To create a mystery track and show the cruelty Captain Miller will use to exact revenge and get what he wants.

FIGHT/Shootout: Frank and his wolf pack are attacked by a group of ex-commando mercenaries at the closed military base which houses the Alien prisoners.

Purpose: Starts Frank’s battles to protect the base, his mission, and the wolf pack he adopted.

The ORDER: State Senator approves Rancher Dan’s request to move cattle to government land near the military site.

Purpose: Part of Captain Miller’s plan to infiltrate the site. He will use cattle as a means to an end. Creates an investigation into closed military sites for contamination.

Dangerous Situation: The professor at the Alien prison conducts an unauthorized experiment unleashing an Alien and causing ground tremors.

Purpose: The actions of the professor put Frank in a worse situation which he must now battle against an Alien with unknown powers. Insight into Frank’s enhanced animal senses.

AMBUSH: Frank is attacked by Alien hunters while deflecting investigations.

Purpose: It also forces Frank to fight crazy Alien hunters and MUFON.

Discovery: The press show up to discover more about the Alien sighting and tremors

Purpose: The press accuse Frank of unnecessary violence. All playing into Miller’s hand. Miller gains access to the site but cannot find the gold.

Chase/Pursuit: Rancher Dan tries to kill Frank by crashing his truck into Frank’s jeep sending it off a cliff.

Purpose: Rancher Dan believes his cattle are being killed by the wolves Frank is protecting.

Escape: Frank is saved by the Alien he captured.

Purpose: Show Alien as an ally (false enemy)

Dangerous Situation: Captain Miller enlists a mobster to help eradicate Frank.

Purpose: Show Captain Miller has been dealing with underworld for fencing stolen goods for years. Calls in a favor. He brings in Rancher Dan as well for more firepower.

Interrogation: The mobster, Captain Miller, and Rancher Dan kidnap and torture Frank’s girl. They demand she show them the wolves’ lair.

Purpose: Miller deduces the gold is being guarded by the wolves. Shows Frank’s girl can be compromised by money and gold as well.

Fight/Shootout: Frank must battle a horde of people who descend on the military site on one side and fight Captain Miller and his accomplices to save his girlfriend on the other.

Purpose: Show Frank’s resourcefulness. Frank uses a cattle stampede to send the horde of civilians running and fights off Captain Miller by tricking them into a teleportation to Siberia.

[Ira Drower]

Action Assignment 4 – Create Your Villain Track

Ira Drower’s Villain Track:

What I learned doing this assignment was how to brainstorm a plan of attack from my villain. If my villain is truly a master of his/her plan they should be capable of changing the attack sequences when things don’t go as planned. I recall the plan by Barzini as he attacked Don Corleone in The Godfather. He set things up in advance but was finally taken out by another master at planning an attack – Michael Corleone.

A. What might the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero?

Captain Miller planned the initial attack on the secret Alien prison believing it was abandoned. He has used war and his overseas missions over the years to rob and plunder banks, museums, and antique dealers for personal gain. Returning to the states he brought in ten commandos to gain entrance to the closed military site. These men are experts at killing and are heavily armed.

B. How many ways can the Villain, Captain Miller, destroy the hero, Frank?

Captain Miller has access to munitions, military grade weapons such as bazookas as well as his contacts in the underworld who have fenced his previous thefts. He also has the sitting Senator of the state at his disposal. He uses a local cattle rancher to stir up trouble for Frank as well.

C. What advantage does the villain have and how can they exploit this in the movie?

The villain is on a military sponsored mission to determine radiation levels and toxicity of the area surrounding the closed base. The military brass and Captain Miller are unaware of the activity at the Alien prison. Captain Miller can call on the police, both military and local if need be as well as his superiors and other agencies to put pressure on Frank.

D. What would be a fitting end for this villain where they pay for what they have done?

Have an alien devour him or blow him up along with the facility. I opted for something else. (Ensures a Movie Sequel)

Retribution: Captain Miller kills two treasure hunters who stole his documents showing gold shipment to Area 54 (Former military site now housing Alien prisoner)

Siege: Captain Miller sends in his team of commandos to locate and secure gold. They run into Frank and his wolf pack who take them out. Miller drives off in the van he uses to observe and direct the commandos.

Dilemma: Captain Miller must find another way into the site. He first secures cattle rights for Rancher Dan on land next to Area 54 by using his contact with the state Senator.

Plan: Captain Miller convinces his superiors to conduct toxicity and radiation level testing at Area 54 since cattle are now grazing nearby and may enter the nations’ food chain. He volunteers himself.

Decision: Captain Miller shows up and demands Frank’s boss have Frank take him to Area 54. Frank shows him the site but not the hidden prison.

Regroup/Plan: Captain Miller dumps the mutilated bodies of the treasure hunters inside Area 54. Police are called into investigate. Miller puts the full court press on Frank.

Twist: The Professor, who maintains the prison from inside conducts an unauthorized teleportation experiment borrowing a cow from Rancher Dan’s herd which unleashes an Alien and setting off tremors felt by the town nearby.

Controlling Authorities: Miller calls in U.S. Geological Society who he can manipulate to gain more access. The wolf pack keeps them at bay. He uses the missing cow as an excuse to have them culled.

Revised Plan: Miller contacts his mob connections to bring in some muscle to deal with Frank.

Capture: The mob boss discovers Frank’s new girlfriend is his old flame who stole from him. Miller, the mobster and Rancher Dan kidnap Anna, Frank’s girl and force her to take them to the wolves’ cave where Miller is convinced that is where the gold is hidden.

Another twist: A horde of Alien hunters, MUFON agents, angry town folk, etc. descend on Area 54 to tear the place up.

Battle for Area 54: Frank stampedes the cattle driving the citizens away. He and his wolf pack confront the kidnappers as Frank’s boss activates a self-destruct of the site to prevent anyone discovering the Alien prison.

Fitting Ending: As Area 54 is collapsing, the Professor conducts another teleportation sending the Alien prisoners to a new site. Frank fights with the mobster and his henchmen. The wolves back the mob boss, Rancher Dan, and Miller into the teleporter area where they are transported to Siberia.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s Mission Track

What I learned doing this assignment was discovering the mission track involves a strong motivation as well as a hero capable to the task. In my track it was necessary to review the villain’s plan of attack first. Everything forced upon the hero was due to circumstances created by the villain. As an example, in The Godfather the motivation and actions by Michael Corleone were all forced by the actions of Barzini.

A. What is it about this hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds?

Frank is an ex-military tank commander and an expert with munitions, warfare, weapons, tactics, hand-to-hand combat. He also possesses enhanced animal-like senses which he used in battle.

B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal?

Protect the secret Alien Prison housed in a former military complex.

C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero?

Internal motivation: Frank returned to prison if his mission fails.

External motivation: Girlfriend, co-workers, his adopted wolfpack are all in jeopardy if mission exposed.

D. What could happen if this hero went on this mission against the villain?

The military used Frank like the Romans sending Titus into battle. His task was to wipe out the enemy-period! He will use all the skills possible to eliminate the threat. Fighting off cattle rancher and his men working near the site, mercenaries hired by Captain Miller (villain), military and local police he misleads, Alien hunters and gold hunters he scares off with the wolf pack. His last obstacle is a mobster and his crew looking for Frank’s girlfriend. She stole from the mob boss, and he wants revenge.

Clear Mission: Protect the secret Alien prison from exposure at all costs.

Motivation: If Frank fails, he will be sent back to military prison to complete his sentence for war crimes. He will also can lose his wolf family and girlfriend.

Inciting Incident: Frank’s nemesis shows up in search of a lost military gold shipment he believes in hidden within the closed military site.

First Action: Frank uses his adopted wolf pack to scare off would be treasure hunters. He beats up Miller.

Escalation: Captain Miller brings in former commandos to deal with Frank promising them a big payday.

Overwhelming odds: Frank fights off the commandos using his innate senses and knowledge of the terrain burying them in the desert.

Twist: The Scientist working with Frank at the Alien prison conducts an unauthorized experiment causing an earthquake and an Alien escape.

Apparent Defeat: Frank is confronted by MUFON investigators as well as US Geological society. He is informed his wolfpack will be culled. Miller brings in the mob to kidnap Frank’s girlfriend.

Apparent Success: Frank fends off mob enforcers, outwits the inspectors and saves his wolfpack.

Twist: Franks’ girlfriend is forced to take Miller and mobster to back entrance to military site/Alien prison.

Full out attack: Frank goes after mobster, Miller and henchmen to save girlfriend and prison from discovery. He kills mobster while wolves attack and surround others.

Success: Another experiment by the Scientist at the prison transports the would be thieves to Siberia. The current Alien prison and site are destroyed by an earthquake crested by scientist. The Alien prison and wolfpack is relocated to another site. Frank feels a deeper connection with his girlfriend.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s Hero and Villain

What I learned from this lesson is that there is a distinct separation between Hero and Villain and their goals while different force them into a battle to the end. Initial ideas can be analyzed and improved upon using the if/then construct.

Assignment 2 – Action : Heroes and Villains that sell Roles

Concept:

– Hero morally Right: Protect secret government mission, the town, his family, his girl

– Villain Morally Wrong: Steal government gold shipment

Hero:

– A. Unique Skill Set: Ex-military Tank Commander, expert with munitions, weapons, logistics, tactics

– B. Motivation: Stay out of prison, keep mission secret, protect the town

– C. Secret: Possesses animal-like senses such as geo-positional location, hearing, smell, sensory touch

– D. Wound: Fiancé killed in Iraq, convicted of war crimes

Villain:

– A. Unbeatable: High ranking officer, has military police, mercenaries, and government agents at his disposal

– B. Plan/Goal: Locate lost gold shipment under guise of an investigation, kill Frank and anyone who gets in the way

– C. What they lose if Hero survives: Lose gold, prison for life or death

Impossible Mission:

– A. Puts Hero into Action: He must continue to perform his secret mission while fending off assaults from various agents, hired thugs, and even military police.

– B. Demands that go beyond their Best: Using his extra senses to neutralize multiple attacks from outsiders.

– C. Destroy the Villain: Frank will sabotage the investigation and eliminate threats to the mission by any means possible including military investigator.

My if/then extrapolation creates a complex method of neutralizing the threats. His main goal is to stay out of jail by keeping his mission secret.

If Frank kills military personnel he will go to jail, he must use his skill set to trick them.

If Frank kills mercenaries, he can bury them or dispose of them. Only Military investigator will know.

If Frank draws attention to the mission by killing attackers, he risks exposure. He must use scare tactics as well. He uses his ‘family’ a pack of wolves.

If Frank possesses these extra senses, Military investigator can try to overload them with unofficial weapons such as microwave, low-level waves, high pitched sounds, etc.

[Ira Drower]

Action – Lesson 1 – Creating your Action Concept

What I learned from this lesson was how to start with the conventions to deliver on the action genre.

Ira Drower’s Action Conventions:

Hero: Ex-military hero falsely convicted of war crimes.

Demand for Action: Failing his mission means serving his sentence in a Military Prison.

Mission: Transport Alien Prisoners for return to home planet.

Antagonist: Devious Captain who set him up for war crimes wants to use Frank to locate Gold.

Escalating Action: Prevent secret mission from being exposed as Captain intervenes and Aliens escape.

[Ira Drower]

Hello everyone. My name is Ira Drower.

I have written 4 scripts and several in progress. Most are comedy genre but my latest one is horror-thriller-science fiction genre.

I am hoping to learn how to add some sparkle to my action scenes.

Recently moved to Las Vegas from Chicago. In my best impersonation of a ‘Valley Girl’ voice,

“Oh my Gawd…moving is so hard.”

So much for the comedy, on with the action!

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower

I agree to the terms of this release form

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Ira Drower]

1. Name? Ira Drower

2. How many scripts you’ve written? 4

3. What you hope to get out of the class? Learn about reality shows, how to create one, write one, pitch one.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? Just moved to Vegas. Love comedy of all types, satirical, action, buddy, Rom-Com, Black, etc. I think it would be fun to put together reality show with comedic overtones.

[Ira Drower]

I, Ira Drower agree to the terms in the release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Ira Drower]

Scott,

Action, action, action. Loved this. I felt the war around me. The battle moved quickly and it was bloody. The descriptions were tight and not overly wordy. (A problem I tend to have)

I can see why this may not be a woman’s cup of tea. I don’t know if there is a love interest for either of the fighters, Dobo or Kristof but that might pique the interest of the female viewers.

Regards,

Ira

[Ira Drower]

Scott,

Thanks for the review and comments. Much appreciated. The teenagers appeared at the end of Act 2. I will look for ways to improve the dialogue to show more of the characters traits. (Frank is basically an animal, Rick is disturbed, and Prof Werner is a relic from the past.)

Ira

[Ira Drower]

What I learned from this assignment is how important it is to have an excellent writing sample for producers.

Title: Running with the Pack

Genre: Comedy-Sci-fi-Thriller

Set-up: This Sequence is at the beginning of Act III. Frank is a Prisoner Transport specialist forced to locate an unknown entity that escaped after an unauthorized experiment. He and Professor Werner’s assistant, Rick must locate and subdue the entity and return it to the lab within Area 54.

RUNNING WITH THE PACK
ACT 3
Written by
I. Lewis Drower

INT. B.L.M. RESIDENCE BEDROOM – NIGHT

FRANK leaps out of bed analyzing the streaks of light

crashing down into Area 54. ANNA falls onto the floor. WE SEE

what FRANK sees, an undulating 3-D grid pattern of

intersecting waves. But this one shows one path highlighted,

hop-scotching the intersections and ending on top of the lab.

FRANK

Shit.

ANNA lifts herself up on her KNEES, her ELBOWS resting on the

BED.

ANNA

You scared of a little lightning?

FRANK stares at the LIGHT TRAILS for a few seconds. ANNA

climbs into BED.

FRANK

You didn’t feel those vibrations?

ANNA

Ooh, yes I did. You do move me.

FRANK slides out of BED and grabs his shirt from the chair.

PANTS, SOCKS, SHOES. His 2-way radio already squawking to

life. It’s WARD N’s VOICE. FRANK interrupts the VOICE as he

presses the TRANSMIT BUTTON.

FRANK

I’m already on my way.

FRANK glances back at ANNA.

FRANK (CONT’D)

Be back later. I have to check for

damages.

FRANK flies out of the BEDROOM. A DOOR BANGS shut.

ANNA slips into her robe and flips on the RADIO sitting atop

the dusty dresser. She listens to an ANNOUNCER already

speaking as she partially wipes the dust with a corner of her

ROBE.

ANNA

Yuck.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (O.S.)

…shocks are normal. Again,

listeners an earthquake registering

4.4 in Southwest Nevada desert.

(MORE)A team from the U.S. Geological

Society is heading there now.

ANNA switches off the radio

ANNA

So, those were aftershocks. Maybe I

overestimated Frank.

She smiles to herself as she looks out at the desert, TAIL

LIGHTS disappearing into the darkness. Beyond that lies the

LONE MOUNTAIN within AREA 54.

INT. CAVE – NIGHT

FRANK drives into the CAVE ENTRANCE checking the area as he

proceeds deeper into the OPENING. BONES and PIECES of DEER

CARCASS lay nearby.

FRANK

They have no table manners at all.

FRANK jumps out of the JEEP rushing toward the HINGED BLOCK

WALL. FRANK SMACKS into the WALL and bounces back stumbling

to the ground.

FRANK (CONT’D)

I’ll have to try the EXHAUST VENT

to get in.

FRANK wobbles to a THIN CREVICE in the rock on the far side

of the CAVE. He checks the space sniffing the air before he

enters.

FRANK (CONT’D)

Wonder if there’s any residual

entanglement effect here?

FRANK picks up a couple of SMALL ROCKS. He tosses one inside

the DARKNESS. PHFOOM. A FLASH of LIGHT. No SOUND follows. The

ROCK appears a few yards away. FRANK tosses another ROCK

farther than the first.

PHFOOM! Another FLASH of LIGHT then SILENCE. FRANK spots the

ROCK near the CAVE ENTRANCE. The next ROCK. THUD. Another

ROCK. THUD. A few extra tosses and FRANK enters the EXHAUST

VENT.

INT. LABORATORY AREA 54 – CONTINUOS

FRANK emerges from the CREVICE in the back of the LABORATORY.

FROST COVERED WALLS partially mask BLACK BLAST MARKS.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (O.S.) (CONT’D)

FRANK surveys the damage of TWISTED METAL and ELECTRONICS. He

sniffs the air.

FRANK

That’s a new one.

FRANK climbs through an obstacle course of damaged RACKS,

TABLES, COMPUTER EQUIPMENT. He finds a groggy RICK on one

side of the LAB. FRANK moves the LARGE STEEL COVER from the

CHAMBER which now sits in front of RICK preventing him from

standing. FRANK lifts RICK up and sits him on the COVER.

FRANK (CONT’D)

Where’s the Professor?

RICK points a SHAKY FINGER toward PROFESSOR WERNER’s office

and falls off the COVER. FRANK rushes toward the office. He

glances down at the HIVE as he passes, endless vapor clouds

waft up to the top of the LAB billowing down the walls from

the ROCK CEILING.

FRANK enters the OFFICE. PROFESSOR WERNER is sitting at his

desk jotting calculations into a NOTEBOOK. SMOKE rising from

his WHITE HAIR. The picture of ILSA is back in its FRAME.

FRANK (CONT’D)

Well, you’re still alive. What the

fuck happened here?

PROFESSOR WERNER continues to write in his NOTEBOOK.

PROFESSOR WERNER

Your concern for my well-being is

touching but irrelevant. What is

relevant is the test result.

FRANK heads back to RICK and drags him into WERNER’s office.

RICK plops onto a WOODEN CHAIR by the DESK.

FRANK

It’s bad enough a military

inspector is here. Now the damn

rock jocks are heading this way.

PROFESSOR WERNER

Seventy-five years I’ve been

working toward this and you whine

to me about a few inconveniences.

FRANK

A few inconveniences? I was

planning on ending my night

sticking it to the old lady not

getting it shoved up my ass.

RICK

Where did the cow go?

FRANK

What cow?

RICK

The one we borrowed from the herd

across the highway.

FRANK

You took one of Rancher Dan’s cows?

PROFESSOR WERNER

It’s temporary. As soon as we put

the lab back together we can

recover it.

FRANK

Recover it from where?

PROFESSOR WERNER

Come now Frank, you remember the

old nursery rhyme? And the cow

jumped over the moon.

FRANK

It could takes weeks to put this

place back together. And that cow

will be frozen hamburger by that

time if its on the moon.

PROFESSOR WERNER

It is not frozen in space. It is

frozen in time IN space.

FRANK’s LIP curls, his EYES narrow as he turns to RICK and

points up.

FRANK

I saw two paths in the lightning.

One out, one in. If the cow is

up…

PROFESSOR WERNER

There is one thing I need you to do

first. Take RICK. And here, you may

need this.

PROFESSOR WERNER hands FRANK a SILVER BLANKET used for

transporting and storing the ONES in the HIVE.

FRANK

No fucking way.

EXT. AREA 54 BACKROAD – NIGHT

FRANK and a bleary-eyed RICK drive out into the desert, a

SILVER BLANKET lies FOLDED on the BACKSEAT. FRANK scans the

NIGHT SKY.

FRANK

What is it we are looking for?

RICK

Not sure. There was a blast and I

saw something.

FRANK

That narrows it down. Anything else

you remember that might actually be

helpful?

RICK

It is round and has tentacles, no

spikes, maybe both. It moves by

rolling using its flexible spikes

for propulsion. You have a bead on

it yet?

FRANK

So, looks like an octopus, moves

like a centipede. I got it. It’s a

tumbleweed.

It’s heading North towards the

Amargosa Park. Whatever it is, it

leaves a strong scent trail. Maybe

to find its way back.

RICK

What’s at the this place it might

want?

FRANK looks along the tree line off the road watching

something moving quickly toward the Main Park Building.

FRANK

Doesn’t it know the park is closed

at this time?

EXT. AMARGOSA PARK REC CENTER – NIGHT

The PARKING LOT is dark as FRANK and RICK exit the vehicle,

EMERGENCY LIGHTS are on inside the MAIN BUILDING. CRASH!

RICK

He’s inside. Come on.

RICK rushes ahead of FRANK who returns to the JEEP for the

SILVER BLANKET. He strolls through the BROKEN FRONT DOOR

hanging by one HINGE.

INT. REC CENTER – CONTINUOUS

Inside the building is a large OPEN SPACE with HIGH CEILINGS

and WOODEN BEAMS spanning the length of the ROOM. A few DIM

EMERGENCY LIGHTS outline DISPLAY CASES and KIOSKS surrounding

a MASSIVE FISH TANK in the center. Standing next to RICK,

FRANK scans the room but sees nothing.

FRANK

SNIFF. Humph. He’s in here

somewhere. Try to keep it inside.

RICK

How the hell am I supposed to do

that? Where are you…

A SPLASH from the TANK draws their attention.

FRANK

Here, use this. I’ll turn on the

lights.

FRANK hands RICK the SILVER BLANKET and walks to the back of

the LARGE ROOM.

FRANK (OS) (CONT’D)

You can always climb into the tank

with it. Put those webbed toes of

yours to work.

FRANK throws the SWITCHES for the OVERHEAD LIGHTS. He freezes

momentarily as he watches a half-naked RICK in the TANK

wrestling with something resembling a cross between an

OCTOPUS and a PIN CUSHION. A RED and PURPLE BALL with DOZENS

of TENTACLES that alternate between RIGID and FLEXIBLE. RICK

sputtering and coughing as the CREATURE eludes him. The

BLANKET at the edge of the TANK.

FRANK (CONT’D)

Looks like you have things under

control. I’ll be here if you need

anything. Don’t hurt any of those

PUP-FISH. The rangers will have a

fit.

The CREATURE rolls across the top of the water pulling RICK

who grabs onto one TENTACLE. A TINY NEEDLE-LIKE extension

stabs RICK as his HEAD bobs below and then above the WAKE. A

LOUD HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEK emanates from the CREATURE.

RICK belches WATER. The CREATURE leaps out of the TANK, RICK

unable to hold on crashes into a KIOSK knocking it down. RICK

scrambles to his feet and gives chase.

RICK

I didn’t see any fish in there. She

must have ate them.

FRANK

She? We want to capture it Rick,

not date it.

A movement catches FRANK’s peripheral vision as he moves

toward the front of the ROOM.

RICK

A little help, please.

FRANK finds a DISPLAY RACK holding PAMPHLETS. It squeaks as

it slowly turns. FRANK picks up a PAMPHLET. The CREATURE

rolls over everything in its path stabbing RICK again with a

NEEDLE-LIKE PROJECTION. A trail of BROKEN DISPLAY CASES with

NATIVE ARTIFACTS, DESKS, CHAIRS, and VIDEO EQUIPMENT covers

the FLOOR. FRANK reads the PAMPHLET.

FRANK

Did you know the PUPFISH is an

endangered species and protected by

federal law?

The CREATURE is now swinging from the BEAMS using its

TENTACLES for grasping and leverage. LIGHT FIXTURES CRASH to

the FLOOR below.

RICK

Are you going to help or not?

FRANK

You are the one with the

relationship with it. Try reasoning

with it. Or maybe buy it a souvenir

from this place?

RICK runs under where the CREATURE hangs. He holds out his

ARMS as if to catch it.

RICK

It’s weird. I thought about her

swinging from a beam using the

tentacles for grasping. It may use

telepathy.

FRANK

Nice going. Now your training it.

Uh, her. What else did you teach

it, Rick?

The CREATURE breaks off an EMERGENCY LIGHT FIXTURE and tosses

it on the floor. It lands well short of RICK and FRANK.

FRANK (CONT’D)

OK, now you made it upset and it’s

throwing garbage at us. Good thing

it has your arm strength.

The CREATURE swings from the BEAM ripping down FLUORESCENT

LIGHTS as it drops to the floor. It’s SPIKE-LIKE TENTACLES

compress and flex as it lands.

Suddenly it rolls down the middle of the room toward RICK and

FRANK picking up speed as it scatters everything in its path.

It screams a HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAL and bounces up in front of

the two. FRANK tosses the SILVER BLANKET in its path

instantly enveloping the CREATURE as it falls motionless on

the WOODEN FLOOR. FRANK picks up another PAMPHLET.

FRANK (CONT’D)

This has the schedule for the

summer activities.

RICK and FRANK survey the room. Everything is broken, in

pieces, except for the one METAL RACK holding PAMPHLETS.

FRANK grabs another PAMPHLET.

EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT

They drag the BLANKET with the CREATURE out into the PARKING

LOT. The FULL MOON illuminates their task. They struggle to

lift the BLANKET-BALL into the JEEP. RICK dresses in the

FRONT SEAT.

RICK

It must have come here to feed.

FRANK

The pup-rangers are going to have a

fit. This thing seems awfully heavy

for a pin cushion. I’m surprised

the damn tank didn’t collapse.

A LOUD CRASH! A MINI-TIDAL WAVE of WATER pours out of the

front of the BUILDING. The DOOR tears off its last HINGE and

floats out to the still dark PARKING LOT. FRANK smashes the

accelerator whipping around so fast RICK loses his SOCKS as

he grasps the ROLL BAR. They head back to AREA 54.

8.INT. AREA 54 CAVE – NIGHT

FRANK and RICK roll into the CAVE entrance.

RICK

The wolves aren’t in here?

FRANK

No, you and Werner scared them off.

RICK

We can’t put her in the HIVE. Grab

a steel cage from behind the

crates. I’ll get a cart.

RICK gently pushes the ROCK WALL at the back of the cave and

disappears behind it. FRANK stares at the WALL for a moment.

FRANK

Son of a bitch.

FRANK pulls a STEEL CAGE from behind the OLD CRATES. RICK

returns with a CART. RICK and FRANK roll the CREATURE in the

BLANKET into the CAGE.

FRANK (CONT’D)

You put them in cages?

RICK

That was before we built the HIVE.

Let’s bring her into the lab.

FRANK gently pushes the ROCK WALL opening it with ease. A

broad smile flashes over his face as he pulls the CART while

RICK pushes it from the back.

FRANK

Maybe you can teach it to talk like

a parrot.

The ROCK WALL closes behind them as THREE WOLVES enter the

cave darting around pausing to sniff the JEEP. They

eventually settle on the ground in front of the ROCK WALL.

Two other WOLVES enter the cave.

BEGIN MONTAGE

INT. BLM RESIDENCE BEDROOM – NIGHT

FRANK drags his feet as he enters the room. He drops on the

edge of the bed legless. Struggling to remove his boots and

clothing he finally flops onto his back and exhales.

ANNA

Oh, no you don’t. You have some

unfinished business to attend to.

ANNA climbs on top of FRANK and positions herself.

CUT TO:

INT. AREA 54 LAB – NIGHT

PROF WERNER and RICK repair BROKEN EQUIPMENT and sweep up the

debris. The CREATURE sits in the middle of the WORK SPACE.

From a corner of the SILVER BLANKET ONE TENTACLE pokes

through a SMALL OPENING. It reaches for RICK each time he

passes by the CAGE.

CUT TO:

EXT. AREA 54 CAVE ENTRANCE – NIGHT

The WOLF PACK sit outside the CAVE and watch the MOON sink

into the WESTERN SKY.

INT. BLM RESIDENCE BEDROOM – NIGHT

ANNA rises and falls on top of FRANK, their breathing grows

heavy.

CUT TO:

EXT. UNITED STATES GEOLOGICAL SURVEY OFFICE – NIGHT

A MAN and a WOMAN load a WHITE VAN with ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT.

They both wear BLUE JACKETS with U.S.G.S. LOGO.

CUT TO:

INT. CAFE 54 – NIGHT

MAYOR CALLEY mops the WOODEN FLOORS as WARD N sits in his

usual BOOTH SIPPING COFFEE with his back to the wall. His

EYES fresh, his EXPRESSION calm. CAPTAIN KANE sits opposite

of him, BLACK EYE, FAT LIP, WAVING his ARMS as he yells

expletives incoherently.

CUT TO:

INT. BLM RESIDENCE BEDROOM – NIGHT

ANNA and FRANK are now moving in unison. Their pace quickens,

their breathing frantic.

CUT TO:

EXT. AMAGOSA PARK BUILDING – NIGHT

DEPUTY BILL steps out of his POLICE CRUISER, FLASHING LIGHTS

provides a STROBE-LIGHT effect. The FRONT DOOR lays on the

ground. The LIGHTS inside show hints of destruction. DEPUTY

BILL steps out of his CRUISER and into a DEEP PUDDLE. WATER

and MUD cover his SHOE.

CUT TO:

INT. BLM RESIDENCE BEDROOM – NIGHT

ANNA and FRANK GRIND up and down as their breathing devolves

into a series of GRUNTS and MOANS.

CUT TO:

INT. NYE COUNTY SHERIFF OFFICE – NIGHT

The FOUR TEENAGERS crowd around DEPUTY BO’s DESK pushing and

shoving each other for a better view of DEPUTY BO’s

TYPEWRITER.

DEPUTY BO

OK. Let’s review the report. Giant

red and purple pin cushion come out

of the ground and attacked you

boys.

GARY

It also ate someone. There was

blood everywhere and a torso.

DEPUTY BO

A torso, you say. And did this

torso have any distinguishing

marks?

HANK

We didn’t stick around to check.

DEPUTY BO

So what did you do?

JASON

We crawled back through the fence

and high-tailed it out of there.

DEPUTY BO

What fence?

DERRICK

The one surrounding AREA 54. I mean

whoever it was he was already

screwed.

DEPUTY BO

That is a restricted US MILITARY

site. And you boys are the ones who

are screwed.

CUT TO:

INT. BLM RESIDENCE BEDROOM – DAY

ANNA arches her back as she and FRANK both heave their final

ecstatic gasp of climax. ANNA slowly slides down on top of

FRANK’s CHEST. FRANK lifts his HEAD and follows the ridges on

ANNA’s BACK past her ASS which faces the CURTAINLESS WINDOW.

A RED BALL sits low in the SKY at the end of VALLEY between

ANNA’s BUTT CHEEKS. FRANK lowers his head and they both drift

off to sleep.

END MONTAGE

END ACT III

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s key business decisions.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that budgetary concerns are a big part of movie or TV development and as a writer I need to be cognizant of that aspect.

Two projects I am working on:

Both are for TV series.

Working Title: Running with the Pack

genre : comedy-horror

One-hour Series

Logline: A cynical government agent sabotages an investigation at a former Military Site

to prevent the discovery of its insidious activities and his current secret mission.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Pilot Episode Synopsis:

Frank Miller is stuck between a rock and a hard place. Convicted of war crimes, the disgruntled ex-military officer serves his sentence as a transport specialist at a facility known only as Area 54. This long-closed government site in Southwest Nevada is not on anyone’s must-see attractions any more than the nearby one-horse town of Crystal Flats. Frank and his odd-ball collection of misfits and military rejects maintain their secretive activities under the jurisdiction and cover of the Bureau of Land Management.

Given the choice of transport prisoners or be a prisoner Frank has few options. At least the new waitress helps take edge off. But a series of unauthorized experiments, bizarre sightings, and an unwanted visitor forces Frank and his team into action to prevent the discovery of the true secrets held within Area 54.

Audience: I believe the audience for this series would be a mix of young adults (lots of sex, monsters, and comedy) skewing toward an older audience because of its deeper psychological implications of the lead character’s transformation from living like an animal to embracing his humanity in a difficult environment. (He is a prisoner whose job it is to transport other prisoners)

Budget: $20,000,000 I am of course speculating on the budget but due to the number of different characters I believe it warrants the higher budget.

Lead Characters:

Frank – A former highly decorated tank commander convicted of war crimes. He was reassigned to a special mission at a secret facility to transport Alien prisoners. His journey is similar to Mowgli from Jungle Book. He must leave the animal world and return the civilization.

Anna – Frank’s love interest is hiding out from her former mobster boyfriend in Nowhere, USA after stealing money and jewelry and trying to cut a deal with the D.A. who happened to be on the mobster’s payroll. She helps Frank find his humanity.

Opening/Ending:

Season 1 opening – Two prospectors searching for gold on a restricted government site are brutally murdered by a large unknown assailant.

End of Season 1: Area 54 which houses the Alien Prisoners is destroyed. The lead scientist is missing and must be found. A new secret Prison is set up.

For my second TV series:

Genre: Satirical Comedy

Half-hour Single Camera Sitcom

Logline: When a struggling podcaster inadvertently unleashes mystical powers from an ancient book, she must battle medieval myths, beasts, and legends before they destroy her listener’s lives.

Series Synopsis:

Jane Pendleton is under a lot of pressure.

While Jane attempts to ascend the social media mountain, her frustrated husband, George works a dead-end job to pay the bills. Yes, you can say George and Jane Pendleton have some serious marital issues as well.

With the help of her best friend and producer Stephanie Jane covers and sometimes uncovers all topics for her program, ‘Live from Crystal Flats, Nevada’ for her 336 subscribers.

Attempting a new segment on her podcast to expand her ‘brand’, Jane reads from an ancient book on Myths of Medieval Marriage. This opens a portal to the middle ages unleashing spells, legends, and even creatures upon her listeners.

As Jane struggles to ‘get the damn things back in the book’ her listening audience grows exponentially. Apparently, spells, folklore, and a mythical beast or two are just what people are looking for nowadays. Who knew?

Jane soon realizes she must expose the hidden truths behind the passages to remove the spells and return the creatures that manifested themselves back in time. At least exposure is one of Jane’s strong suits.

Twelve Myths of Millennial Marriage is a half-hour, single-camera satirical comedy on modern marriage and finding balance between individual pursuits and love. It is ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’ meets ‘Harry Potter’. Or better yet Call Her Daddy gets beat up by Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The show explores the myths facing modern marriage for millennials and some not-so-best methods to dispel them. Not much has changed in six hundred years.

Audience: Millennials and young adults

Budget: $4,000,000 (4-5 main characters, simple sets – bedroom, office, outdoors)

Lead Characters:

Jane – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Jane Pendleton: According to her bio on Instagram, Jane Pendleton is a vibrant 20-something fulfilling her life-long dream of providing a safe and community-oriented program that lifts people’s spirits as well as their minds. Combining her penchant for investigative journalism with her classic Southern charm she produces her show, ‘Live from Crystal Flats’ in an eco-friendly format.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Her ex-sorority sisters laughed their asses off when they read this.

“She’s not any of those things, except a shameless hustler.”

“I think she actually did a photo spread for Hustler.” “She spread them for everyone else. How do you think she graduated college?”

“Southern charm? I don’t think that counts if you’re from the south side of Peoria.”

“Her big boobs do provide shade for small animals, so I guess that’s eco-friendly?”

“Community-oriented? When did she care about anybody else?” “Even her own mother doesn’t want anything to do with her.”

OK, so Jane may have ruffled a few feathers in her life but who among us has not? At least she has her dignity. Well, maybe she doesn’t have much of that either. You see Jane Pendleton is a Millennial. In her own words, “If I was born 5 years sooner, I could have been an Influencer.”

No, you could not, Jane. But the realities of mediocrity and a me-first attitude are an inescapable reality, an inherent part of her generation’s DNA. One that is at the forefront of everything she does, everything she stands for, all that she is destined to become. She is a fiercely loyal to her friends and sincere at times. Just don’t ever cross her. And that Hustler shoot was a one-time thing and above the waist only.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>George: Jane’s husband. George is under a great deal of stress. George’s persistence as well as copious amounts of drugs and alcohol finally convinced Jane to marry him. His parents told him not to marry Jane, his friends told him not to marry Jane, the minister marrying them on the dais told him not to marry Jane. His ex-band mates told him to share Jane with them. And not to marry Jane. They have been married for two good weeks now, since 2018. A good day here, a good day there. It adds up. This may explain his daily mantra, “I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this shit.”

George is somewhat tall, fair skinned, average build, basically the kind of person who you look through not at. His unwavering devotion to Jane is only slightly tempered by her annoying tendencies like not working, spending money needlessly, lack of house-cleaning skills, or any skills outside the bedroom. Yes, for better or worse. It could not possibly get much worse, could it?

Unable to shake his parochial school education and strict upbringing George is determined to make his marriage work. And work it is! Brutal, demanding, mind-numbing, really fucking hard work! It’s a marathon, not a sprint. I understand marathoners die at an early age. “Something to look forward to,” quips George.

Opening: Jane reads from an old book on Medieval Life and inadvertently cats a spell on her listeners.

End of Season 1: Jane has reached new heights with huge number of subscribers but her personal life went to hell. Husband moved in with another woman, best friend and producer went off-grid with her husband, and none of her other friends want to talk to her. On top of that the military and government agencies are investigating her.

[Ira Drower]

OK, so I posted Assignment 4 here too.

[Ira Drower]

Ira Drower’s key business decisions.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that budgetary concerns are a big part of movie or TV development and as a writer I need to be cognizant of that aspect.

Two projects I am working on:

Both are for TV series.

Working Title: Running with the Pack

genre : comedy-horror

One-hour Series

Logline: A cynical government agent sabotages an investigation at a former Military Site

to prevent the discovery of its insidious activities and his current secret mission.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Pilot Episode Synopsis:

Frank Miller is stuck between a rock and a hard place. Convicted of war crimes, the disgruntled ex-military officer serves his sentence as a transport specialist at a facility known only as Area 54. This long-closed government site in Southwest Nevada is not on anyone’s must-see attractions any more than the nearby one-horse town of Crystal Flats. Frank and his odd-ball collection of misfits and military rejects maintain their secretive activities under the jurisdiction and cover of the Bureau of Land Management.

Given the choice of transport prisoners or be a prisoner Frank has few options. At least the new waitress helps take edge off. But a series of unauthorized experiments, bizarre sightings, and an unwanted visitor forces Frank and his team into action to prevent the discovery of the true secrets held within Area 54.

Audience: I believe the audience for this series would be a mix of young adults (lots of sex, monsters, and comedy) skewing toward an older audience because of its deeper psychological implications of the lead character’s transformation from living like an animal to embracing his humanity in a difficult environment. (He is a prisoner whose job it is to transport other prisoners)

Budget: $10,000,000 I am of course speculating on the budget but due to the number of different characters I believe it warrants the higher budget.

Lead Characters:

Frank – A former highly decorated tank commander convicted of war crimes. He was reassigned to a special mission at a secret facility to transport Alien prisoners. His journey is similar to Mowgli from Jungle Book. He must leave the animal world and return the civilization.

Anna – Frank’s love interest is hiding out from her former mobster boyfriend in Nowhere, USA after stealing money and jewelry and trying to cut a deal with the D.A. who happened to be on the mobster’s payroll. She helps Frank find his humanity.

Opening/Ending:

Season 1 opening – Two prospectors searching for gold on a restricted government site are brutally murdered by a large unknown assailant.

End of Season 1: Area 54 which houses the Alien Prisoners is destroyed. The lead scientist is missing and must be found. A new secret Prison is set up.

For my second TV series:

Genre: Satirical Comedy

Half-hour Single Camera Sitcom

Logline: When a struggling podcaster inadvertently unleashes mystical powers from an ancient book, she must battle medieval myths, beasts, and legends before they destroy her listener’s lives.

Series Synopsis:

Jane Pendleton is under a lot of pressure.

While Jane attempts to ascend the social media mountain, her frustrated husband, George works a dead-end job to pay the bills. Yes, you can say George and Jane Pendleton have some serious marital issues as well.

With the help of her best friend and producer Stephanie Jane covers and sometimes uncovers all topics for her program, ‘Live from Crystal Flats, Nevada’ for her 336 subscribers.

Attempting a new segment on her podcast to expand her ‘brand’, Jane reads from an ancient book on Myths of Medieval Marriage. This opens a portal to the middle ages unleashing spells, legends, and even creatures upon her listeners.

As Jane struggles to ‘get the damn things back in the book’ her listening audience grows exponentially. Apparently, spells, folklore, and a mythical beast or two are just what people are looking for nowadays. Who knew?

Jane soon realizes she must expose the hidden truths behind the passages to remove the spells and return the creatures that manifested themselves back in time. At least exposure is one of Jane’s strong suits.

Twelve Myths of Millennial Marriage is a half-hour, single-camera satirical comedy on modern marriage and finding balance between individual pursuits and love. It is ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’ meets ‘Harry Potter’. Or better yet Call Her Daddy gets beat up by Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The show explores the myths facing modern marriage for millennials and some not-so-best methods to dispel them. Not much has changed in six hundred years.

Audience: Millennials and young adults

Budget: $2,000,000 (4-5 main characters, simple sets – bedroom, office, outdoors)

Lead Characters:

Jane – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Jane Pendleton: According to her bio on Instagram, Jane Pendleton is a vibrant 20-something fulfilling her life-long dream of providing a safe and community-oriented program that lifts people’s spirits as well as their minds. Combining her penchant for investigative journalism with her classic Southern charm she produces her show, ‘Live from Crystal Flats’ in an eco-friendly format.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Her ex-sorority sisters laughed their asses off when they read this.

“She’s not any of those things, except a shameless hustler.”

“I think she actually did a photo spread for Hustler.” “She spread them for everyone else. How do you think she graduated college?”

“Southern charm? I don’t think that counts if you’re from the south side of Peoria.”

“Her big boobs do provide shade for small animals, so I guess that’s eco-friendly?”

“Community-oriented? When did she care about anybody else?” “Even her own mother doesn’t want anything to do with her.”

OK, so Jane may have ruffled a few feathers in her life but who among us has not? At least she has her dignity. Well, maybe she doesn’t have much of that either. You see Jane Pendleton is a Millennial. In her own words, “If I was born 5 years sooner, I could have been an Influencer.”

No, you could not, Jane. But the realities of mediocrity and a me-first attitude are an inescapable reality, an inherent part of her generation’s DNA. One that is at the forefront of everything she does, everything she stands for, all that she is destined to become. She is a fiercely loyal to her friends and sincere at times. Just don’t ever cross her. And that Hustler shoot was a one-time thing and above the waist only.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>George: Jane’s husband. George is under a great deal of stress. George’s persistence as well as copious amounts of drugs and alcohol finally convinced Jane to marry him. His parents told him not to marry Jane, his friends told him not to marry Jane, the minister marrying them on the dais told him not to marry Jane. His ex-band mates told him to share Jane with them. And not to marry Jane. They have been married for two good weeks now, since 2018. A good day here, a good day there. It adds up. This may explain his daily mantra, “I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this shit.”

George is somewhat tall, fair skinned, average build, basically the kind of person who you look through not at. His unwavering devotion to Jane is only slightly tempered by her annoying tendencies like not working, spending money needlessly, lack of house-cleaning skills, or any skills outside the bedroom. Yes, for better or worse. It could not possibly get much worse, could it?

Unable to shake his parochial school education and strict upbringing George is determined to make his marriage work. And work it is! Brutal, demanding, mind-numbing, really fucking hard work! It’s a marathon, not a sprint. I understand marathoners die at an early age. “Something to look forward to,” quips George.

Opening: Jane reads from an old book on Medieval Life and inadvertently cats a spell on her listeners.

End of Season 1: Jane has reached new heights with huge number of subscribers but her personal life went to hell. Husband moved in with another woman, best friend and producer went off-grid with her husband, and none of her other friends want to talk to her. On top of that the military and government agencies are investigating her.

[Ira Drower]

What I learned from doing this assignment was that analyzing film and screenplays in my specialty was a tremendous help to my own
writing. I always enjoyed film and writing but never analyzed them with an eye
to adherence to the genre.

My Specialty: Comedy

For purposes of simplicity I have chosen ROM-COM for the specific type of comedy in my specialty.

Rom-Com Conventions:

1. Two protagonists (usually male and female) Boy meets Girl

2. Often told from the woman’s point of view (but not necessarily)

3. Usually set in an urban environment, school, office

4. Stylized with colors of pink or red, weddings, flowers, hearts

5. Sexual innuendos such as kissing or sex

6. Strong emotions and empathy displayed

7. Outside opponents may impede the relationship

8. Usually ends in a marriage or union of some sort – a Happy Ending

The 2 movies I analyzed were ‘When Harry Met Sally’ and ‘Legally Blond’

I have seen Harry and Sally many times but now I watched with an analytical perspective.

Both movies hit the major conventions for a Rom-Com

1. Both movies had 2 protagonists. Harry and Sally and Elle and Warner

2. When Harry met Sally tells the story from both sides of the protagonists trying to answer the question, “Can men and women be just friends?” (spoiler alert – the answer is no)

In Legally Blond it is Elle Woods who drives the action in the movie.

3. New York City and Harvard law school are the settings, both meet the genre conventions.

4. When Harry met Sally surprised me because being set in New York City my expectation was the city would be cold and drab. The director, Rob Reiner and his production crew made sure there was plenty of pink, and red displayed throughout the film. These included red lights and bright red Santa at Christmas to pink curtains in Sally’s room, a wedding for their friends with flowers, etc.

In Legally Blond, Elle Woods could be described as the lady in pink. There was more pink displayed in that movie than a flower shop the day before Valentine’s Day.

5. Sexual innuendo and kissing both displayed often in Harry and Sally.

In Legally Blonde, several scenes stick out, an attempt by Elle’s professor hitting on her, Elle giving tips on how to catch a guy, her relationship with Emmett which is professional at first but romantic at the end of the film.

6. Strong emotions displayed in both . Harry and Sally dislike each other at first but over time become lovers. In Blond Elle prepares for a proposal but is greeted with a break-up.

7. Outside opponents in Harry and Sally – they were both married or engaged at some point to other people. In Blond, Elle’s boyfriend has proposed to another woman in her class.

8. Harry and Sally marry at end of the movie and discuss their wedding being interviewed from a couch.

A Chyron appears at the end displaying Emmett’s intention to propose to Elle.

I did not include all of the beats of a Rom-Com such as the Meet-Cute between the prospective lovers. I just called it Boy meets girl.

[Ira Drower]

What I learned from doing this assignment is I have little credibility in the industry.

Things I am working on to improve my credibility are:

Update LinkedIn profile. I added ScreewritingU as first entry in education. I did not go into detail about all of the technical classes I took related to IT.

Enter a screenwriting contest. Winning would be great but my expectations are to receive excellent feedback from the readers to improve my writing.

Keep writing is my mantra. I switch up from screenplays for theatrical release to TV series, to skits. If I am stuck on one, I’ll work on another.

Continue taking courses at ScreenwritingU and develop relationships within the industry.

Googled my name – it shows LinkedIn Screenwriter. (I just changed it and it comes up – yay!)

The rest of it shows my associations in the IT field.

No IMDB presence – I will sign up this week.

I hope to have a short video of my comedy chops uploaded soon to LinkedIn.

FYI – What I find most amusing by this process is my latest script is about the evils of social media. I guess the use of Social Media to enhance (or destroy) one’s credibility cuts both ways.

[Ira Drower]

Hello my name is Ira (he). Most everyone I know just calls me ‘I’

I have written 2 complete scripts and some short comedic skits.

I have a wicked sense of humor and according to my wife I am very opinionated.

I hope to discover a better way to obtain writing assignments.

[Ira Drower]

My name is Ira Drower

I agree with the provisions of the Group Release Form listed below:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Ira Drower]

Hello everyone, Ira Drower here. Yes, male. In case you’re wondering I was named after my grandfather, Isadore. It could’ve been worse. I could have been named after my Uncle Izzawindow. Most everyone just calls me ‘I’.

I’ve written several pilots and sitcom episodes and in the middle of a re-write now for a feature-length screenplay. Love comedy and not just my bad jokes.

I would like to translate my passion for writing and story into a career. This class seems like a great place to start that process.

[Ira Drower]

I, Ira Drower agree to the terms of the release form. It is listed below:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

I. Lewis Drower

[Ira Drower]

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I hope this experience serves us both well to complete our horror trilogies.

[Ira Drower]

I just posted mine. And reviewed yours. I kept looking for a Day 11 forum to post to but I guess this will do. Great job by the way on your favorite comedy.

[Ira Drower]

Loved your descriptions. They were crisp and effective. I also got a kick out of the pink skin matching the boat and allergic to water. Good use of comedic situations. The forced union of incompatibles, embarrassment, and in the end comedic tragedy. Overall, I liked the story and how you incorporated the important elements of our lessons.

[Ira Drower]

Scott, I rewrote some of the ACT 3 scenes. The teenagers initial contact is in previous scene.

I also used your suggestions to have the boys arrested. And the Professor suggests everyone get some sleep before the clean-up next day.

Still some work to do but I think this is an improvement. What do you think?

Regards,

Ira

P.S. Are you related to Davis Fales? (ex-Bears QB)

INT. B.L.M. RESIDENCE BEDROOM – NIGHT

FRANK leaps out of bed his head moving up then down with the

streaks of light crashing into Area 54. ANNA falls onto the

floor. WE SEE what FRANK sees, an undulating 3-D grid pattern

of intersecting waves. But this one shows one path

highlighted, hop-scotching the intersections and ending on

top of the lab.

FRANK

Shit.

ANNA lifts herself up on her KNEES, her ELBOWS resting on the

BED. HANDS support her HEAD.

ANNA

You scared of a little lightning?

FRANK stares at the LIGHT TRAILS for a few seconds. His EYES

dart in all directions, BREATH quickens, as he paces back and

forth. ANNA climbs into BED.

FRANK

You didn’t feel those vibrations?

ANNA

Ooh, yes I did. Show me more.

FRANK slides out of BED and grabs his shirt from the chair.

PANTS, SOCKS, SHOES. His 2-way radio already SQUAKING to

life. It’s WARD N’s VOICE. FRANK interrupts the VOICE as he

presses the TRANSMIT BUTTON.

FRANK

I’m already on my way.

FRANK glances back at ANNA.

FRANK (CONT’D)

Be back later. I have to check for

damages.

FRANK flies out of the BEDROOM. A DOOR BANGS shut.

ANNA slips into her robe strolls to the DRESSER and flips on

the RADIO. She listens to an ANNOUNCER already speaking as

she partially wipes the DUST with a corner of her ROBE.

ANNA

Yuck.RADIO ANNOUNCER (O.S.)

…shocks are normal. Again,

listeners an earthquake registering

4.4 in Southwest Nevada desert. A

team from the U.S. Geological

Society is heading there now.

ANNA switches off the radio

ANNA

So, those were aftershocks. Maybe I

overestimated Frank.

She smiles to herself as she looks out at the desert, TAIL

LIGHTS disappearing into the darkness. Beyond that lies the

LONE MOUNTAIN within AREA 54.

INT. CAVE – NIGHT

FRANK drives into the CAVE ENTRANCE checking the area as he

proceeds deeper into the OPENING. BONES and PIECES of DEER

CARCASS lay nearby.

FRANK

They have no table manners at all.

FRANK jumps out of the JEEP rushing toward the HINGED BLOCK

WALL. FRANK SMACKS into the WALL and bounces back stumbling

to the ground.

FRANK (CONT’D)

I’ll have to try the EXHAUST VENT

to get in.

FRANK wobbles to a THIN CREVICE in the rock on the far side

of the CAVE. He checks the space sniffing the air before he

enters.

FRANK (CONT’D)

Wonder if there’s any residual

entanglement effect here?

FRANK picks up a couple of SMALL ROCKS. He tosses one inside

the DARKNESS. PHFOOM. A FLASH of LIGHT. No SOUND follows. The

ROCK appears a few yards away. FRANK tosses another ROCK

farther than the first.

PHFOOM! Another FLASH of LIGHT then SILENCE. FRANK spots the

ROCK near the CAVE ENTRANCE. The next ROCK. THUD. Another

ROCK. THUD. A few extra tosses and FRANK enters the EXHAUST

VENT.

INT. LABORATORY AREA 54 – CONTINUOS

FRANK emerges from the CREVICE in the back of the LABORATORY.

FROST COVERED WALLS partially mask BLACK BLAST MARKS. FRANK

surveys the damage of TWISTED METAL and ELECTRONICS. He

sniffs the air.

FRANK

That’s a new one.

FRANK climbs through an obstacle course of damaged RACKS,

TABLES, COMPUTER EQUIPMENT. He finds a groggy RICK on one

side of the LAB. FRANK moves the LARGE STEEL COVER from the

HYPERBARIC CHAMBER which now sits in front of RICK preventing

him from moving. FRANK lifts RICK up and sets him on the

COVER.

FRANK (CONT’D)

Where’s the Professor?

RICK points a SHAKY FINGER toward PROFESSOR WERNER’s office

and falls off the COVER. FRANK rushes toward the office. He

glances down at the HIVE as he passes, endless vapor clouds

waft up to the top of the LAB billowing down the walls from

the ROCK CEILING.

FRANK enters the OFFICE. PROFESSOR WERNER is sitting at his

desk jotting calculations into a NOTEBOOK. SMOKE rising from

his WHITE HAIR. The picture of ILSA is back in its FRAME.

FRANK (CONT’D)

Love what you’ve done to the place.

The hair is a new look for you.

PROFESSOR WERNER continues to write in his NOTEBOOK.

PROFESSOR WERNER

The laws of physics do not allow

for miscalculations.

FRANK heads back to RICK and drags him into WERNER’s office.

RICK plops onto a WOODEN CHAIR by the DESK.

FRANK

It’s bad enough a military

inspector is here. Now the damn

rock jocks are heading this way.

PROFESSOR WERNER

Seventy-five years I’ve been

working toward this and you whine

to me about a few inconveniences.

FRANK

A few inconveniences? I was

planning on ending my night

sticking it to the old lady not

getting it shoved up my ass.

RICK

Where did the cow go?

FRANK

What cow?

RICK

The one we borrowed from the herd

across the highway.

FRANK

Oh, great. You took one of Rancher

Dan’s cows?

PROFESSOR WERNER

It is temporary. As soon as we put

the lab back together and enter the

new data we can recover it.

FRANK

Recover it from where? I doubt

Rancher Dan will accept frozen

hamburger meat in place of his cow.

RICK

It’s going to take weeks to put

this place back together.

PROFESSOR WERNER

It is not frozen in space. It is

frozen in time IN space. According

to my calculations we will not need

the CHAMBER.

FRANK’s LIP curls, his EYES narrow as he turns to RICK.

FRANK

I saw two paths in the lightning.

One out, one in. If the cow is

up…

FRANK points his index finger upward.

PROFESSOR WERNER

There is one thing I need you to do

first. Take RICK. And here, you may

need this.

PROFESSOR WERNER hands FRANK a SILVER BLANKET used for

transporting and storing the ONES in the HIVE.

FRANK

Oh, No fucking way.

EXT. AREA 54 BACKROAD – NIGHT

FRANK and a bleary-eyed RICK drive out into the desert, a

SILVER BLANKET lies FOLDED on the BACKSEAT. FRANK scans the

NIGHT SKY.

FRANK

What is it we are looking for?

RICK

Not sure. There was a blast and I

saw something.

FRANK

That narrows it down. Anything else

you remember that might actually be

helpful?

RICK

It is round and has tentacles, no

spikes, maybe both. It moves by

rolling using its flexible spikes

for propulsion. You have a bead on

it yet?

FRANK

So, looks like an octopus, moves

like a centipede. I got it. It’s a

tumbleweed.

It’s heading North towards the

Amargosa Park. Whatever it is, it

leaves a strong scent trail. Maybe

to find its way back.

RICK

What’s at the this place it might

want?

FRANK looks along the tree line off the road watching

something moving quickly toward the Main Park Building.

FRANK

Doesn’t it know the park is closed

at this time?

EXT. AMARGOSA PARK REC CENTER – NIGHT

The PARKING LOT is dark as FRANK and RICK exit the vehicle,

EMERGENCY LIGHTS are on inside the MAIN BUILDING. CRASH!

RICK

He’s inside. Come on.

RICK rushes ahead of FRANK who pivots and returns to the JEEP

for the SILVER BLANKET. He strolls through the BROKEN FRONT

DOOR hanging by one HINGE.

INT. REC CENTER – CONTINUOUS

Inside the building is a large OPEN SPACE with HIGH CEILINGS

and WOODEN BEAMS spanning the length of the ROOM. A few DIM

EMERGENCY LIGHTS outline DISPLAY CASES and KIOSKS surrounding

a MASSIVE FISH TANK in the center. Standing next to RICK,

FRANK scans the room but sees nothing.

FRANK

SNIFF. Humph. He’s in here

somewhere. Try to keep it inside.

RICK

How the hell am I supposed to do

that? Where are you…

A SPLASH from the TANK draws their attention.

FRANK

Here, use this. I’ll turn on the

lights.

FRANK hands RICK the SILVER BLANKET and walks to the back of

the LARGE ROOM.

FRANK (OS) (CONT’D)

You can always climb into the tank

with it. Put those webbed toes of

yours to work.

FRANK throws the SWITCHES for the OVERHEAD LIGHTS. He freezes

momentarily as he watches a half-naked RICK in the TANK

wrestling with something resembling a cross between an

OCTOPUS and a PIN CUSHION. A RED and PURPLE BALL with DOZENS

of TENTACLES that alternate between RIGID and FLEXIBLE. RICK

sputtering and coughing as the CREATURE eludes him. The

BLANKET at the edge of the TANK.

FRANK (CONT’D)

Looks like you have things under

control.

(MORE)

I’ll be here if you need anything.

Don’t hurt any of those PUP-FISH.

The rangers will have a fit.

The CREATURE rolls across the top of the water pulling RICK

who grabs onto one TENTACLE. A TINY NEEDLE-LIKE extension

stabs RICK as his HEAD bobs below and then above the WAKE. A

LOUD HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEK emanates from the CREATURE. RICK

belches WATER. The CREATURE leaps out of the TANK, RICK

unable to hold on crashes into a KIOSK knocking it down. RICK

scrambles to his feet and gives chase.

RICK

I didn’t see any fish in there. She

must have ate them.

FRANK

She? We want to capture it Rick,

not date it.

A movement catches FRANK’s peripheral vision as he moves

toward the ENTRANCE.

RICK

I could use a little help, please.

FRANK finds a DISPLAY RACK holding PAMPHLETS. It squeaks as

it slowly turns. FRANK picks up a PAMPHLET. The CREATURE

rolls over everything in its path stabbing RICK again with a

NEEDLE-LIKE PROJECTION. A trail of BROKEN DISPLAY CASES with

NATIVE ARTIFACTS, DESKS, CHAIRS, and VIDEO EQUIPMENT covers

the FLOOR. FRANK reads the PAMPHLET.

FRANK

Did you know the PUPFISH is an

endangered species and protected by

federal law?

The CREATURE is now swinging from the BEAMS using its

TENTACLES for grasping and leverage. LIGHT FIXTURES CRASH to

the FLOOR below.

RICK

Are you going to help or not?

FRANK

You are the one with the

relationship with it. Try reasoning

with it. Or maybe buy it a souvenir

from this place.

RICK runs under where the CREATURE hangs. He holds out his

ARMS as if to catch it.

FRANK (CONT’D)

RICK

It’s weird. I thought about her

swinging from a beam using the

tentacles for grasping. It may use

telepathy.

FRANK

Nice going. Now your training it.

Uh, her. What else did you teach

it, Rick?

The CREATURE breaks off an EMERGENCY LIGHT FIXTURE and tosses

it on the floor. It lands well short of RICK and FRANK.

FRANK (CONT’D)

OK, now you made it upset and it’s

throwing stuff at us. Good thing it

has your arm strength.

The CREATURE swings from the BEAM ripping down FLUORESCENT

LIGHTS as it drops to the floor. It’s SPIKE-LIKE TENTACLES

compress and flex as it lands.

Suddenly it rolls down the middle of the room toward RICK and

FRANK picking up speed scattering everything in its path. It

screams a HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAL and bounces up in front of the

two. FRANK tosses the SILVER BLANKET in its path instantly

enveloping the CREATURE as it falls motionless on the WOODEN

FLOOR. FRANK picks up another PAMPHLET.

FRANK (CONT’D)

This has the schedule for the

summer activities.

RICK and FRANK survey the room. Everything is broken, in

pieces, except for the one METAL RACK holding PAMPHLETS.

FRANK grabs another PAMPHLET.

EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT

They drag the BLANKET with the CREATURE out into the PARKING

LOT. The FULL MOON illuminates their task. They struggle to

lift the BLANKET-BALL into the JEEP. RICK dresses in the

FRONT SEAT.

RICK

It must have come here to feed.

FRANK

The pup-rangers are going to have a

fit.

(MORE)

This thing seems awfully heavy for

a pin cushion. I’m surprised the

damn tank didn’t collapse.

A LOUD CRASH! A MINI-TIDAL WAVE of WATER pours out of the

front of the BUILDING. The DOOR tears off its last HINGE and

floats out to the still dark PARKING LOT. FRANK smashes the

accelerator whipping around so fast RICK loses his SOCKS as

he grasps the ROLL BAR. They head back to AREA 54.

INT. AREA 54 CAVE – NIGHT

FRANK and RICK roll into the CAVE entrance.

RICK

The wolves aren’t in here?

FRANK

No, you and Werner scared them off.

RICK

We can’t put her in the HIVE. Grab

a steel cage from behind the

crates. I’ll get a cart.

RICK gently pushes the ROCK WALL at the back of the cave and

disappears behind it. FRANK stares at the WALL for a moment.

FRANK

Son of a bitch.

FRANK pulls a STEEL CAGE from behind the OLD CRATES. RICK

returns with a CART. RICK and FRANK roll the CREATURE in the

BLANKET into the CAGE.

FRANK (CONT’D)

You put them in cages?

RICK

That was before we built the HIVE.

Let’s bring her into the lab.

FRANK gently pushes the ROCK WALL opening it with ease. A

broad smile flashes over his face as he pulls the CART while

RICK pushes it from the back.

FRANK

Maybe you can teach it to talk like

a parrot.

The ROCK WALL closes behind them as THREE WOLVES enter the

cave darting around pausing to sniff the JEEP.

FRANK (CONT’D)

They eventually settle on the ground in front of the ROCK

WALL. Two other WOLVES enter the cave.

INT. LABORATORY AREA 54 – NIGHT

Professor Werner is standing on the CATWALK above the HIVE as

RICK and FRANK enter with the cage.

PROFESSOR WERNER

Place it over there by the tank. I

suggest you both get some rest. We

can clean up in the morning.

FRANK and RICK roll the cage to an undamaged spot between the

SLEEPING QUARTERS and WORK AREA. A small opening in the

BLANKET exposes a SLENDER TENTACLE. It stings RICK repeatedly

in his LEG. He shuffles to his COT and collapses, SNORING

instantly.

BEGIN MONTAGE

INT. BLM RESIDENCE BEDROOM – NIGHT

FRANK drags his feet as he enters the room. He drops on the

edge of the bed legless. Struggling to remove his boots and

clothing he finally flops onto his back and exhales.

ANNA

Oh, no you don’t. You have some

unfinished business to attend to.

ANNA climbs on top of FRANK and positions herself.

CUT TO:

INT. AREA 54 LAB – NIGHT

PROF WERNER continues to write in his journal looking up

occasionally to the picture of ILSA . The CAGE with the

CREATURE sits closer to RICK. From a corner of the SILVER

BLANKET ONE TENTACLE again pokes through a SMALL OPENING. It

reaches for RICK.

CUT TO:

EXT. AREA 54 CAVE ENTRANCE – NIGHT

The WOLF PACK sit outside the CAVE and watch the MOON sink

into the WESTERN SKY.

INT. BLM RESIDENCE BEDROOM – NIGHT

ANNA rises and falls on top of FRANK, their breathing grows

heavy.

CUT TO:

EXT. UNITED STATES GEOLOGICAL SURVEY OFFICE – NIGHT

A MAN and a WOMAN load a WHITE VAN with ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT.

They both wear BLUE JACKETS with U.S.G.S. LOGO.

CUT TO:

INT. CAFE 54 – NIGHT

MAYOR CALLEY mops the WOODEN FLOORS as WARD N sits in his

usual BOOTH SIPPING COFFEE with his back to the wall. His

EYES fresh, his EXPRESSION calm. CAPTAIN KANE sits opposite

of him, BLACK EYE, FAT LIP, WAVING his ARMS as he yells

expletives incoherently.

CUT TO:

INT. BLM RESIDENCE BEDROOM – NIGHT

ANNA and FRANK are now moving in unison. Their pace quickens,

their breathing frantic.

CUT TO:

EXT. AMAGOSA PARK BUILDING – NIGHT

DEPUTY BILL pulls up in his POLICE CRUISER, FLASHING LIGHTS

provide a STROBE-LIGHT effect. The FRONT DOOR lays on the

ground. The LIGHTS inside show hints of destruction. DEPUTY

BILL steps out of his CRUISER and into a DEEP PUDDLE. WATER

and MUD cover his SHOE.

CUT TO:

11.INT. BLM RESIDENCE BEDROOM – NIGHT

ANNA and FRANK GRIND up and down as their breathing devolves

into a series of GRUNTS and MOANS.

CUT TO:

INT. NYE COUNTY SHERIFF OFFICE – NIGHT

The FOUR TEENAGERS crowd around DEPUTY BO’s DESK pushing and

shoving each other for a better view of DEPUTY BO’s

TYPEWRITER. A pair of dirty socks sits next to a COFFEE CUP.

DEPUTY BO

OK. Let’s review the report. You

were watching the lightning and a

Giant red and purple pin cushion

comes out of the ground and slammed

into you.

GARY

It bowled us over like we were made

of straw. Crashed through the fence

and bounced off Jason’s car.

HANK

That’s when we saw the body. It was

just a torso but blood everywhere.

It must have ate it.

DEPUTY BO continues to type repeating what he types.

DEPUTY BO

Ate body. Then you followed it to

the Park building.

DEPUTY BO shakes his head as he continues to type his report.

HANK

By the time we got there it was

gone. It destroyed everything. The

big fish tank too but there were no

fish on the ground.

DEPUTY BO

So what did you do?

JASON

We high-tailed it out of there

before it came back. We didn’t want

to be it’s next meal.

12.DEPUTY BO

But you were brave enough to check

it out.

JASON

It put a big dent in my mom’s car.

Someone was going to pay for it.

DEPUTY BO

And that’s when Deputy Bill pulled

up. You said you were inside the

fence watching the lightning? What

fence?

DERRICK

The one surrounding AREA 54. As

soon as we saw the body we split. I

mean whoever it was, was already

screwed.

DEPUTY BO

I think you boys are the ones who

are screwed.

CUT TO:

INT. BLM RESIDENCE BEDROOM – DAY

ANNA arches her back as she and FRANK both heave their final

ecstatic gasp of climax. ANNA slowly slides down on top of

FRANK’s CHEST. FRANK lifts his HEAD as his fingers gently

follow the ridges on ANNA’s BACK looking past her ASS which

faces the CURTAINLESS WINDOW. A RED BALL sits low in the SKY

at the end of VALLEY between ANNA’s BUTT CHEEKS. FRANK lowers

his head and they both drift off to sleep.

END MONTAGE

END ACT III

[Ira Drower]

I just submitted my writing sample and wonder if you would review? I would also like to review yours if that’s ok.

[Ira Drower]

There are many different forms of comedy from Rom-Com to satire, to farce, as well as action comedy (ex: Romancing the Stone).

Each will have it’s own set of beats and unique conventions.

[Ira Drower]

I like your goal of a screenplay a month. And yes, Comedy is king.

[Ira Drower]

Nice to find another former IT person in the group. I worked 40 years in telecommunications. Looking forward to the next chapter of my life.