Jan Lloyd
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Jan: Lesson 27: Assignment
What I learned doing this assignment is to start thinking of these things as I write the scene. Sometimes writing fast doesn’t give you the time to flesh out all the problems, but if I keep a list of these in my beat sheet or planning sheet, maybe I can make adjustments sooner.
1. I’ve looked through my script and identified some weaknesses.
• A) Basic Scene Problems
• B) Weak Scenes
• C) Situations Don’t Challenge Characters
• D) Cliché Scenes – I might have some cliché scenes. One would be traveling through the air ventilation system. I have seen this done, but I could think of no other way to do it. So, I am keeping it in. -
I am trying to get all my work done in Fianl Draft and learning it at the same time. The work is getting done, and I will get it posted here at some point.
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Kenneth I am enjoying your posts but I have no way of replying.
What I learned: I need to add more conflict as well. I have already written teh book and self-published, but I can see ways I can edit to make the story more entertaining. I have been writing furiously using Final Draft so I will not turn this assignment although I have finished it.
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Jan’s Turning Point 1 Scenes
ACT 1 BEAT SHEET (PN Series)
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
The twins have just received their sentence. They will be attending URU in New Mexico, a school they have never heard of. Ms. Markum tells them, she has heard great things about URU and they will be challenged, which is a good thing.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
The twins are picked up by the Ens. They will stay the night at the Ens. They are told what to expect at URU. No tablets, online InSite web. They will be on camera to keep them out of trouble. Yet, the news seems harsh. They will not get to stay in the same dorm with each other. The Ens seem very nice though. The twins have a great evening with them and secretively with the Ens could adopt them and they wouldn’t have to go to this what seems like a prison school.
INT. THE ENS APPARTMENT – NIGHT
The Ens (Lynn prepares a delicious meal) The Ens ask them pointed questions even thought they are nice. After the meal, they watch a movie and talk further. Mr. En shows them a hidden room of his building and animals. Ms. En’s paints all the miniature animals in the animal hospital. One of the animals looks like Stinky and they even see a small octopus in one of the rooms that resembles Freckles. Freckles and Stinky both come out and the Ens like the animals and tell them they can keep them at URU and explain about shadow animals there.
The twins begin to trust the Ens then.
…becomes…
ACT 1 OUTLINE (PN series)
INT. AIRPORT – DAY
BEGINNING: They all take off in a plane for Albuquerque where they will be meeting other kids who have met a similar fate.
MIDDLE: The twins are trying to think of ways they can see each other at the new school, although they don’t know much about it.
END: The twins touch down in Albuquerque
INT. ABQ AIRPORT – DAY
BEGINNING: The twins meet the other students who will be travelling with them by van to the new school
MIDDLE: On the road to PNs place. Crazy things happen.
END: Reach PNs
INT. PN RANCH – EVENING
BEGINNING: They visit with the other students and learn a bit of their background
MIDDLE: The accidently find a cave.
END: The cave is awesome. -
Jan’s Inciting Incident Scene
What I learned doing this Assignment: I learned more of the outline system for a screen script. A bit different from working on a novel outline.
ACT 1: KEY SCENE 2: Inciting Incident
INT. ICE CREAM SHOP – DAY
BEGINNING: Clay and Dolphyn meet a new boy at school and he introduces them to one of his father’s friends who works for the FBI. The supposed FBI agent wants the duo to hack into their FBI site so he can prove to his bosses that its not a safe sit.
MIDDLE: The duo decides to do it. Within a week they have hacked into a site.
END: Turns out the Duo had been duped by a very bad man who was not part of the FBI.
ACT 1: KEY SCENE 3: The Protagonist Reacts Emotionally
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: The twins go to the courts.
MIDDLE: Dolphyn and Clay are assigned to a special university (URU) in NM to hone their skills for the good of humanity.
END: Their teacher Ms. Markem stands up for them, but the courts rule against the twins. Ms. Markem tells the twins she won’t be allowed to contact them at first. She tells the twins she has heard good things about the school and leaves them with some words of wisdom. The twins feel totally lost and drifting at sea. At least they have each other. -
Jan Act 1: Opening Scenes (for my PN book)
What I learned doing this assignment: I have already written the book and published it but did not start with this scene. This scene gives a bit more background into the character of the duo.
KEY SCENE 1: OPENING & CHARACTER INTRODUCTIONS
EXT. BEACH – DAY
BEGINNING: (Regular Life/Old Ways) Clay and Dolphyn play on the beach. Dolphyn finds an unusual amber with a very small octopus attached to it. The amber glows in a strange way with the octopus attached to it and makes the octopus almost transparent. Before she even thinks about it, she picks the amber up with the attached octopus. For just a moment she glows like the octopus (the challenge).
MIDDLE: She calls Clay over to look at it. The octopus will not let go of Dolphyn (conflict). “Clay, come here!” Clay drops what he is doing. He looks up in time to see Dolphyn glowing in a strange light before she returns to normal. “Whoa! What’s goin on?” Clay staggers through the sand to Dolphyn. “Did you see that? Dolphyn asks. Clay nods. “I just picked up this unusual amber with this strange little octopus attached. It was glowing with vibrant colors and the colors just went right through me.” “Are you okay?” “I think so.” “let me see it.” “No wait, what if it’s not safe.” “Well Stinky isn’t letting off any stink bombs so it must not be dangerous.”
END: They give it the Stinky text. Stinky and the octopus seem to get along (the twist). All the Freckles on the top of the Octopus match the zigzag pattern of freckles on Clay, Dolphyn and Stinky. They end with a conversation about school, starting next week. (insight into who these two are).
KEY SCENE 2: Intro to the Antagonist
EXT. Street – DAY
BEGINNING: (Regular Life/Old Ways) Clay notices Stinky giving off stink bombs which means danger is near. Turns out is Bradly Bradford and his thugs. (the challenge).
MIDDLE: The Bradford Bullie strap Clay in the ally. They want money. Stinky runs out of Clays pocket and into Bradley’s jeans. (add some dialog lines here.)
END: Clay pushes Bradley into the mud and runs for all his worth. -
Subject line: (Jan’s) Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned in this assignment: I am becoming more organized in the process and still writing fast. I am working from my book, but I can see how much more I could have put into that.
PASS 1: INTERWEAVE THEME THROUGHOUT YOUR BEAT SHEET
THEME: The meaning and purpose of everything in the story; a unifying or dominant idea.
If you haven’t already decided upon your theme, how do you create it? Ask yourself questions like:
• What is this story really about? It’s really about all the strange creatures coming into their lives and the mysery that surrounds the animals
• What is the real issue I want to explore? They want to explore what these animals are all about and what the strange encoded email messages mean.
• What is the meaning of all this? It is STRANGE WORLD. Even the twins can see there are abnormalities at work in their lives. So many coincidences. Twins abandoned at a hospital. Their ability to find unusual animals with strange resources. The encoded messages to find JL.
PASS 2: BUILD THE ANTAGONIST INTO THE BEAT SHEET
1. The Antagonist in this first part is Bradly and his Bullies. He wants to thwart Clay and Dolphyn. Maybe it is jealousy because Clay has helped him with his math in the past or because the twins are smarter and have made money making online games.
2. Bradley wants some of the money the twins have made, but it all goes to the school lunch program.
3. Bradley confronts Clay in the alley and smashes Clay against a brick wall. Stinky, the mouse runs from Clays pants and runs up Bradleys pants resulting in Bradley trying to rip his pants off. His zipper catches him and he cries in pain. He bends forward and Clay pushes him into the mud before running.
4. Bradley’s gang pursues Clay but he makes it safely home.
5. Clay sees Bradley at school, but Bradley does not seem intent on revenge, instead he extends his hand in peace. But is it really peace?
6. Turns out Bradley finds a way to make Clay and Dolphyn get into trouble that gets them sent into juvenile courts. -
What I learned doing this assignment is to work faster. I already have the book written and it is published, but I am already seeing how a beat sheet could help my novel writing. ”
Subject line: Jan – High Speed Beat Sheet for PN and the Mysterious Buried Treasure
TE = Transformation Event
Ext. BEACH— Day
PLACEHOLDER: Here we are seeing the twins for the first time. We are zooming in on this tiny octopus that Dolphyn is playing with. It gets our attention.
OPENING: Dolphyn calls her brother to look at the cool octopus and the amber she found it attached to.
TE 1: Stinky the strange mouse comes out of Clays backpack to investigate the octopus. They have the same markings and they like each other.
INT. BEDROOM — NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Clay and Dolphyn talk about the strangegcreatures they keep finding. They watch as Freckles, the octopus, snuggles with Stinky the mouse.
EXT. SIDEWALK — DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: Stinky is warning Clay that some danger is coming near. It’s the Bradford Bullies. They smack Clay against the wall but Stinky helps him out. He shoves Bradley into the mud and runs home. Clay is covered in mud.
INT. THE TWINS BEDROOM — DAY
TE 2: They make an effort to avoid Bradley for the next few weeks.
INT. SCHOOL ROOM— DAY
PLACEHOLDER: The twins sit with their fiends in the cafeteria, but are wary of the Bradfor Bullies across the lunchroom
TE 3: Bradley approaches Clay and extends a hand of peace. -
Jan Lloyd: ASSIGNMENT Transformational Events Lesson 6
What I learned in this assignment:
A lot of what we are doing is also honing our ability to let producers know whst the script is about. It is also making me re-think the steps involved in the four act play.
2. Start with the Character Arc and the list of Old Ways and New Ways.
Clay and Dolphyn: Both are very smart and they are good kids but very naïve. They have trusted the wrong people and land in Juvenile Court.
3. Make a list of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen for that character to go from who they are in the beginning (Old Ways) to who they are in the ending (New Ways).
• They will start their new school in separate dorms, a first for the twins. They have to learn to communicate with each other without being in the same room. They use their newfound friends, Stinky and Frekles.
• They have to check out their new dorm mates. Can they trust them. They like them, but are going to keep a certain distance.
• They neglect to tell their dorm mates some things in their past, nameyly that they have been receiving secretive emails.
• They stand up for one of their study partners. Dolphyn is quicker to but Clay stands up too.
• They see something very strange happen when the frog they think has been squished, does not die after all.
• They begin to trust their new classmates when they have to band together to help each other out.
4. Sequence the steps from easiest to most difficult. This will imply the journey the character takes.
• The problems with the Bradford Bullies was nothing compared to the problems they encounter when they come to URU.
• At URU, they meet new classmates. Some seem nice, some seem nice, like at their old school.
• New weird messaages come up but still they don’t trust their new tribe (study mates).
• They name their new tribe the DOCTAW tribe from the acronym of their names.
• They have a run in with a rival gang and it causes some problems, but in the end, it makes them trust their new tribe.
• They try to find what is going on in the computer and try to find answers.
• They find a hidden cave with very serious repercussions.
5. Brainstorm dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character.
• The frog getting squished.
• Strange creatures
• Unusual professors
• Crazy classes with new technologies
• New ways of feeding themselves
• The Creatures in the Cave
• Coming face-to-Face with JL
6. Add these transformational events to your four act structure.
Act 1:
• Opening: The twins are in their ordinary world on the beach and they find an octopus.
• Inciting Incident: The two help, what they thought was an FBI agent hack into files. This lands them in juvenile courts
• Turning Point :They find information at their new school on an old computer that leads them to knowledge of hidden caves
Act 2:
• New plan: They now want to find the cave that they have coordinates for, but they don’t want anyone knowing what they are doing as they don’t know who to trust.
• Plan in action: They find the cave and make plans to explore.
• Midpoint Turning Point They explore and find a whole new world.
Act 3:
• Rethink everything: They question all these strange animals. What are all these creatures in the cave. They are almost killed in the cave, yet they find they are helped by some of the creatures they have met at the new school.
• New plan: They decide they will tell Professor NERD all that they have found in the cave and trust her.
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: They break into a gallery when they see a man they think could be tied to some of the questions they have. They are brought in by security.
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Professore NERD introduces them to JL. They learn much about this alien world that is in the caves. They also learn they are part of this alien world.
• Resolution: They will continue with their study buddies and in the next book/movie will learn more about their background. -
Jan Lloyd: 4 Act Transformational Structure
What I learned doing this assignment: Much of this four act structure is similar to the 12-step structure that can be found in New Novelist and other novel writing books. The 12-Steps fit into the four act structure. I like breaking things into simple organization. Otherwise, everything can become disjointed. I am writing this screenplay to go with my already published Book 1. But I would like to break it into a series.
1. Give us the following:
• Concept – fraternal twins find trouble, but an unusual trouble.
• Main Conflict The two are two trusting and get themselves in trouble, this gets them sent to juvenile court.
• Old Ways they are not bad kidsd, but something has got to change for them because they cant keep getting into trouble.
• New Ways They find a new group of students at their school and want to do what is right to find out information that has them questioning authoritiy.
2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.
Act 1:
• Opening: The twins are in their ordinary world on the beach and they find an octopus.
• Inciting Incident: The two help, what they thought was an FBI agent hack into files. This lands them in juvenile courts
• Turning Point :They find information at their new school on an old computer that leads them to knowledge of hidden caves
Act 2:
• New plan: They now want to find the cave that they have coordinates for, but they don’t want anyone knowing what they are doing as they don’t know who to trust.
• Plan in action: They find the cave and make plans to explore.
• Midpoint Turning Point They explore and find a whole new world.
Act 3:
• Rethink everything: They question all these strange animals. What are all these creatures in the cave. They are almost killed in the cave, yet they find they are helped by some of the creatures they have met at the new school.
• New plan: They decide they will tell Professor NERD all that they have found in the cave and trust her.
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: They break into a gallery when they see a man they think could be tied to some of the questions they have. They are brought in by security.
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Professor NERD introduces them to JL. They learn much about this alien world that is in the caves. They also learn they are part of this alien world.
• Resolution: They will continue with their study buddies and in the next book/movie will learn more about their background.
3. Once you have created the 4-Act Structure for your Protagonist, go back over it to see if there is any big picture points you need to add to represent your Antagonist. -
Jan Lloyd ASSIGNMENT 3
What I learned doing this assignment: I am learning to scope out my characters better. The questions asked make me rethink the details I have left out in the past.
2. Character Profile for your two lead characters.
Dolphyn
• What draws us to this character? She is a twin and we are always fascinated with twins. She is much like her brother Clay. She and her brother seem to be animal callers as unique creatures find them.
• Traits: She is brilliant especially with computer programing. She is a good person, but she has a tendency for impatience with dolts. She would do anything for her brother and her underdog friends.
• Subtext: It is her very innocence that gets her in trouble for hacking into the FBI website.
• Flaw: She is gullible but not as gullible as her brother. She has a sixth sense that she should listen to more often.
• Values: She is morally right. She is honest, loves school and learning.
• Irony: Her very honesty (and brilliance) is what gets her into trouble with the juvenile authorities.
• What makes this the right character for this role? Dolphyn is innocent and good. She will be compelled to put these qualities to good. She is also very competitive.
Clay
• What draws us to this character? He is a twin and we are always fascinated with twins. He is much like his sister, Dolphyn. He is an animal callers and unique creatures find them.
• Traits: At 12 years of age, he is already a brilliant computer programing. He is a good person, and would do anything for his sister and their underdog friends.
• Subtext: It is his very innocence that gets him in trouble for hacking into the FBI website with his sister, even though she felt like something was off. They didn’t listen to her sixth sense.
• Flaw: He is gullible and a bit too easy going.
• Values: He is morally right, honest, loves school and learning.
• Irony: His very honesty (and brilliance) gets him into trouble with the juvenile authorities.
• What makes this the right character for this role? Clay is innocent and good. He will be compelled to put these qualities to good when bad things happen. Heis also very competitive. -
Jan Lloyd’s Character Profiles Part 1
What I learned doing this assignment: To organize my characters and think of what type of arc their personalities will undergo.
1. I’ve listened to the 3 minute Empowerment Audio and will listen to it before every lesson. It never hurts to be reminded.
2. The type of role my Protagonist will play:
I have two protagonists. They are heroes (and explorers) to the few friends they have at school. Two of the Nerdiest in their entire class, they are brilliant with computers and creating games. They also help protect their nerdy group of friends from the Bradford Bullies, the meanest gang of thugs in their school.
3. The type of role my Antagonist will play:
My Antagonist is Bradly Bradford, leader of the Bradford Bullies. He is a villain who could be described as a predator when he steals lunch money and makes smarter kids do his homework.
4. What other characters might be necessary?
• My protagonists supporting characters play minor roles – the twins nerdy friends, their teacher, the principal of the school. There are also supporting characters for my antagonist – his thug friends.
5. Pick your genre.
• My genre is sci-fi for young teens.
6. Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.
• Role in the story: The twins are heroes. They build computer games to help others learn math skills and they give the money they earn from the games to the school lunch program. They are good kids, but very naive. It is this very naivety that gets them in trouble.
• Age range and Description: As 12-Year-old fraternal twins in the foster care system, they are best friends. Who else have they got but each other? Named Dolphyn and Clay Oceano by the hospital where they were abandoned when they were just a few months old. They are continually overlooked for adoption as most people don’t want to adopt two kids at the same time. And nobody knew their history either. Where did they come from. What kind of medical conditions would come with them. They have beautiful bronze skin with freckles that zigzag across their cheeks. No animal is a stranger and they tend to find and collect some unique creatures. Some so unusual, there is no report of anything like them in all the research they do.
• Internal Journey: They are small for their age, but incredibly brilliant. This brilliance marks them, in some ways, for trouble. They are naïve and can easily be manipulated.
• External Journey: They have moved from foster home to foster home, but this latest foster home is only a very small part of their external journey.
• Motivation: They want to prove themselves worthy, and assist someone with a hacking project. They think they are helping.
• Wound: They think they are hacking into the FBI site to help the FBI learn to secure their site better. But they find themselves in deep trouble when they find out they just helped criminals hack into the FBI site. This gets them sent to the juvenal authorities.
• Mission/Agenda: For their innocent crime, they are sent to a special school in New Mexico where they will learn new technology and meet like-minded students. The courts hope this will help them turn their lives around for the good of humanity instead of the havoc they wreaked unintentionally.
• Secret: Their secret is these unusual animals who befriend them. One is a small mouse that Clay named Stinky because he would let out stink bombs anytime danger was near. The only problem is that Clay often didn’t know what the danger was until it was too late. Dolphyn has an unusual octopus that can unlock doors. She named the Octopus Freckles for he unusual freckles that run across her head.
• What makes them special? There are a ton of stories about orphaned kids who are bullied. It’s popular almost to the point of being overdone. However, not many kids have a Stink Bomb mouse that warns them of trouble and an octopus that can unlock doors. Not many kids have their special brilliance with computers either. -
What I learned doing this assignment… I learned a bit about writing a query letter in a way. I also learned a bit about hooks. Would my descriptions of the internal and external journeys sound exciting to a producer? Probably not at this stage. My idea is great. I just need to write it better.
My heroes are fraternal twins, foster children who manage to get into every conceivable trouble. Their internal journey is to stop being so gullible. They trusted the wrong people and it got them sent to a special university far away from the foster parents they currently live with. Their external journey matches their internal journey. They go to different places. They are sent to an unusual school that will hopefully help them turn their lives around. They meet like minded students.
Their old ways were to go to school and hang with their friends. Their new ways at the new school is to form study groups and learn exciting new things about energy, food production, medicine, and things that could help the world. -
Hi, I’m Jan. I’ve written two scripts for PageAwards competitions. They give great feedback, but I want to learn more and do better. The thing I want to give up is perfection and work on speed – the main reason I want this class. Hmm…What is unique about me? I can twist my tongue 360* and I also see faces when I close my eyes. They appear very clearly and morph very quickly into other faces. No, I am not crazy. I don’t hear voices. I just see faces when I close my eyes. I like to attribute that to my great imagination and the fact that I like people. Maybe it simply means I am supposed to focus on portrait paintings with my watercolors. I love that medium and paint as often as I can. I am looking forward to this class.
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