Renee Miller
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If anyone is ready to swap outlines for feedback, let me know. You can email me at rmiller0911@gmail.com
Title: Frozen Shadows
Written By: Renee Miller – rmiller0911@gmail.com
Logline: When a freak blizzard blankets Whittier, Alaska, in perpetual darkness, the town’s residents are stalked by shadow creatures that manifest their deepest fears and grow stronger with each kill.
Outline Version 11. EXT. BEGICH TOWERS – NIGHT
Three teenagers—Edmund, Lucas, and Mark—sneak out of the residential tower, daring each other to go to the abandoned lighthouse.Apprehension: They whisper nervously, debating if they should continue.
Suspense: Lucas hesitates, looking back at the lit windows of the tower.
Fear: The wind howls unnaturally, almost like a whisper.2. INT. LIGHTHOUSE – NIGHT
The teens find an old ritual circle and a leather-bound journal inside the lighthouse. When Edmund steps inside the circle, a whisper thanks them—and Mark vanishes. Lucas flees, but the door slams shut, trapping Edmund inside.Horror Situation:
Edmund is trapped inside the lighthouse as a malevolent force awakens.Apprehension: The lantern flickers. The salt circle looks disturbed.
Shock: A whisper thanks them. Mark disappears.
Panic: Lucas bolts for the door—it slams shut behind him.
Fear: Shadows pulse toward Edmund, his breath frosting over.
Dread: A figure emerges from the dark, its face warping.
Horror: Edmund stumbles up the stairs, the shadows chasing him.
Release: At the top, the rotating beacon pushes the shadows back.
Scares & Releases:
Scare: A book slams shut by itself.
Release: The beacon saves Edmund—for now.
Monster Reveal: The shifting, amorphous entity watches him from the dark.3. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – EDMUND’S ROOM – DAY
Now an old recluse, Edmund flips through books and journals while muttering about the darkness returning.Surprise: A whisper snakes through the room.
Apprehension: The lights flicker sharply.4. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – BASEMENT – DAY
Anthony, the building maintenance worker at the tower, works on a fuse box. The lights flicker violently as an unseen force stirs.5. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – MAIL ROOM – DAY
Chuck finds an undeliverable letter with a faded postmark that wasn’t there before.Surprise: The letter wasn’t there a second ago.
Apprehension: The room’s shadows shift behind him.6. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY STORAGE ROOM – DAY
Rebecca, alone, checks storm supplies. A whisper from the dark hallway makes her stop.Surprise: A sudden thud.
Apprehension: The hallway is too silent.7. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY KITCHEN – DAY
Eliza and Patty pack storm supplies while discussing Tracy’s declining mental state.Surprise: The lights dim suddenly.
Apprehension: The radio crackles with static.8. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – STACY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Tired, Stacy sits at the kitchen table, staring at Jack’s suspension notice from school. He sulks across from her, arms crossed. They argue about his vandalism and disrespect, revealing her struggle as a single parent.Apprehension: Stacy rubs her temple as Jack mutters
Suspense: The lights flicker—she doesn’t notice, but Jack glances toward the dark hallway, uneasy.
Fear: He suddenly asks, “Mom… have you ever seen something in the dark?”
Surprise: Stacy laughs it off. “You sound like Edmund.”
Dread: Jack doesn’t laugh. His eyes stay on the shadowed doorway.9. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – ARCHIVES ROOM – DAY
Edmund warns Stacy it’s too late. She brushes him off.10. EXT. TUNNEL ENTRANCE – DAY
Stacy closes the tunnel gate, sealing the town from the outside world.Apprehension: The wind howls, almost protesting.
Surprise: A streetlamp flickers out.11. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Tracy hears whispers from her bathroom.Horror Situation:
Tracy’s mental state unravels as something supernatural watches her.Surprise: A single water droplet hits the floor.
Apprehension: A whisper calls her name.12. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S BATHROOM – NIGHT
She walks in to find the bathtub full of water and a small figure with its back turned toward her. The child shifts toward her; his skin is waterlogged, his lips are blue, and his eyes are ashen. She lets out a sob and stumbles backward, hands covering her mouth.The water in the tub starts to overflow, rushing over the edge, but it’s black, ink-like, pooling at her feet. She shuts her eyes, and when she opens them again the bathtub is empty, dry, pristine.
Scare: The water in the tub starts overflowing—turning black.
Release: She blinks—the tub is empty again.13. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – HALLWAY – NIGHT
Stacy approaches Tracy’s door, it’s slightly ajar. She calls out to Tracy. No answer. She pushes the door open and steps inside.14. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT (INCITING INCIDENT)
Stacy steps in and immediately stops when she sees Tracy in the middle of the room, clutching her head and whimpering. Stacy rushes over to her and tries to convince her that there isn’t anyone there.Before Stacy can react, Tracy stumbles backward. She looks up at Stacy in obvious stress before turning and rushing toward the balcony door. She throws it open and steps outside.
Stacy sprints forward, grabbing the back of Tracy’s shirt, but as she tips over the balcony edge, the weight pulls her out of Stacy’s grasp, and she tumbles over the edge.
Surprise: Stacy arrives to find Tracy clutching her head, whispering frantically, “It’s in the room with us.”
Fear: Stacy doesn’t see anything—but the lights dim unnaturally as Tracy stumbles toward the balcony.
Panic: Stacy lunges for her, grabs her shirt—but Tracy’s yanked out of her grasp.
Horror: Tracy plummets over the edge.15. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY ROOM – NIGHT
Stacy informs the residents of Tracy’s suicide.Apprehension: Edmund mutters, “It’s starting again.”
16. INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT
Chuck is dragged into the abyss by shadow tendrils.Horror Situation:
The shadows claim their first victim inside the building.Surprise: The lights flicker—then die.
Shock: A shadow tendril lashes out, wrapping around Chuck.
Horror: He’s yanked into the dark, screaming.
Scares & Releases:
Scare: The lights flicker—then go out entirely.
Release: Chuck turns on a flashlight—brief relief.
Scare: The tendril yanks him down the stairs.17. INT. COMMUNITY COMMON ROOM – DAY
Stacy realizes that Chuck is missing.Apprehension: Residents complain about strange noises.
Surprise: Chuck isn’t answering his radio.18. INT. CHUCK’S APARTMENT – DAY
The bathroom mirror is fogged over—but the heater is off.19. INT. STAIRWELL – DAY
The group finds Chuck’s flashlight—and his shadow still cast on the wall.Horror Situation:
Chuck’s presence lingers—even though he’s gone.Surprise: Chuck’s shadow is still on the wall.
Shock: The building loses power.
Horror: The whispers grow deafening.ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN
20. INT. COMMON AREA – NIGHT
The survivors huddle together, trying to stay calm. The shadows shift, and Rebecca is attacked.
Horror Situation:
Something inside the dark finally reaches for them.Fear: The storm howls outside. Silence inside. Everyone is hyper-aware of every flicker and whisper.
Suspense: Rebecca yanks her feet up as something brushes past her ankle.
Shock: A tendril shoots out, wrapping around her leg.
Dread: Anthony and Patty grab her, pulling her back just in time.
Horror: Edmund stands frozen, hearing his name whispered from the dark. Without a word, he runs off alone.21. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT
Edmund rifles through books, trying to understand what is happening. The whispers surround him.
Horror Situation:
The darkness doesn’t just kill—it tricks. It lures.Fear: The whispers aren’t just in his head anymore—they echo from the bookshelves.
Suspense: His flashlight sputters—he smacks it, forcing it to glow brighter.
Dread: He turns a page and gasps—the ritual was never completed properly.
Horror: The room darkens—shadows coil like living things.
Shock: The door SLAMS open—Stacy and the others arrive.
Panic: A tendril lashes out, dragging Edmund into the dark—his mouth opens in a silent scream.22. INT. COMMON AREA – NIGHT
Stacy tells the group that she needs to go after Edmund. Some insist they stick together, others want to stay put. A shadow flickers in the corner of the room. They decide to follow Stacy.Horror Situation:
The fear of isolation is growing, but they don’t yet realize they’re already being hunted.Fear: Some argue to stay put, afraid of the unknown lurking in the halls.
Suspense: A single flicker of movement in the corner of the room makes them all freeze.
Dread: They ultimately decide to follow Stacy—but the shadows seem to shift in response, as if aware of their choice.23. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT
Edmund frantically flips through books, realizing the ritual was incomplete. As Stacy and the others rush in, shadows coil around him and consume him whole.Horror Situation:
Edmund figures out too late that the darkness was never meant to be contained. It takes him in response.Fear: Edmund freezes. A horrifying realization dawns—they were wrong.
Suspense: The door slams open—Stacy and the group burst in.
Dread: Tendrils lash out, snaring Edmund. He gasps, struggling.
Horror: The shadows engulf him completely. His mouth opens in a silent scream, but there is no sound.
Shock: His body is gone. The book slams shut on its own.24. INT. ARCHIVES – NIGHT
Stacy uncovers the truth—each death feeds the shadows, strengthening them.Fear: The room is silent—the air heavy and suffocating.
Suspense: A loose document falls—it’s the original ritual diagram.
Dread: The shadows were never contained—the ritual was a failure.25. INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The group flees the archives, but Jack stops suddenly, his eyes glazed over.Horror Situation:
Jack is trapped in a hallucination, manipulated by the shadows.Fear: The hallway stretches unnaturally.
Suspense: A pale woman cradles her stomach, staring at Jack.
Dread: A ghostly baby cries, echoing inside his head.
Horror: The hallway transforms into a hospital corridor—an empty crib rocking in the center.
Panic: Stacy tries to grab him, but the fire doors slam shut.
Shock: Jack steps into the darkness—he vanishes completely.26. INT. HALLWAY – HALLUCINATION
Jack stops in the hallway, his breath hitching. Reality distorts around him—the shadows flicker, stretching into something wrong.Horror Situation:
The shadows are not just killing. They are warping perception, dragging their victims into personal hells.Dread: The hallway twists, elongates, flickering between reality and a nightmare.
Suspense: A figure materializes ahead—a grief-stricken young woman cradling her stomach.
Fear: A ghostly baby’s cry echoes, growing louder.
Dread: The hallway shifts into a sterile hospital corridor—a lone empty crib rocks slowly in the center.
Horror: The crying intensifies, drilling into his mind. The woman whispers something only he can hear.27. INT. HALLWAY – HALLUCINATION
Jack stops in the hallway, his breath hitching. Reality distorts around him—the shadows flicker, stretching into something wrong.Horror Situation:
The shadows are not just killing. They are warping perception, dragging their victims into personal hells.Dread: The hallway twists, elongates, flickering between reality and a nightmare.
Suspense: A figure materializes ahead—a grief-stricken young woman cradling her stomach.
Fear: A ghostly baby’s cry echoes, growing louder.
Dread: The hallway shifts into a sterile hospital corridor—a lone empty crib rocks slowly in the center.
Horror: The crying intensifies, drilling into his mind. The woman whispers something only he can hear.28. INT. HALLWAY – HALLUCINATION
Jack sees a woman ahead of him, grief-stricken, cradling her stomach. The baby’s cry grows deafening.Horror Situation:
Jack is tricked into stepping forward—and the shadows take him.Dread: The woman steps closer, her hollow eyes locked onto him.
Suspense: The crib rocks harder. The baby’s cry becomes deafening.
Fear: Jack trembles, whispering “I’m sorry” as the woman parts her lips—but only he can hear her words.
Horror: The hospital hallway melts away—the shadows surge forward.
Dread: Jack takes one step forward—then he’s gone.29. INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT (Horror Scene – Stacy’s Anguish)
Stacy slams her hands against the sealed fire doors, realizing Jack is gone.Horror Situation:
She can’t even see what took him. She can only feel the loss.Shock: Stacy slams her hands against the door, breath ragged.
Anguish: Red emergency lights flicker, illuminating nothing on the other side.
Panic: “Open it! We have to open it!” She fights Anthony and Eliza, trying to get back to Jack.
Horror: The whispers stop. The shadows don’t move. Silence settles in.
Dread: Anthony grips Stacy’s arm. Her breath catches.
Anguish: Jack is gone.30. INT. STACY’S OFFICE – NIGHT
(After Edmund is Taken – Stacy Faces Reality & Her Grief)
Essence of the Scene: Stacy, overwhelmed, sits at her desk. Jack’s school notice, Edmund’s journal, and a maintenance report lay before her. She grips a bottle of whiskey, hesitating before taking a drink.
Dread: The radio crackles, distorting Edmund’s voice: “It’s happening again.”
Fear: The lights flicker violently—shadows move without shape.
Shock: Jack’s voice calls her name—but he’s not there.
Horror: She SLAMS the radio off, heart pounding. For the first time, she believes.ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR
31. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The group reaches the basement, but the corridors warp, stretch too long.
Horror Situation:
The basement is a trap. Anthony is next.Fear: The walls seem to breathe, shifting unnaturally.
Suspense: A tendril lashes out, wrapping around Anthony’s ankle.
Dread: He fights back, but more tendrils emerge.
Panic: Stacy tries to grab him, but Eliza pulls her back.
Horror: Anthony’s eyes widen as he’s yanked into the abyss.32. INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The survivors move cautiously, weapons in hand. The shadows shift just outside the light.Horror Situation:
The whispers take the voices of lost loved ones, tempting them into the dark.Anguish: Patty freezes—she hears a voice she hasn’t heard in years.
Fear: The building is too quiet—shadows breathe outside the flashlight beams.
Dread: The whispers return, soft at first, then louder—familiar voices.
Hysteria: Stacy grabs Patty’s wrist, whispering, “Don’t listen” before dragging her forward.33. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The generator room is ahead, but the corridors warp, doors vanish and reappear. The shadows lunge.Horror Situation:
The basement is alive—and Anthony is its next victim.Anguish: Rebecca screams as Anthony swings wildly at the tendrils.
Panic: More wrap around him, pulling him backward.
Horror: Anthony’s eyes lock with Stacy’s—he mouths something unheard before he’s ripped into the abyss.
Hysteria: The whispers rise into unbearable screams.34. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Rebecca stumbles forward, trying to process Anthony’s fate. She turns—his shadow is still there, stretched unnaturally.Horror Situation:
She freezes, and the darkness devours her whole.Dread: A flicker of hope—maybe Anthony is still there?
Horror: But no. His form is grotesque and unnatural.
Panic: The shadows slither toward her, sensing weakness.
Anguish: Stacy yells for her to move, but Rebecca collapses, frozen.
Horror: The darkness devours her completely.35. INT. LOUNGE AREA – NIGHT
Patty realizes her family is connected to the shadows.
Horror Situation:
She offers herself to the darkness, but it only makes them stronger.Dread: She understands now—this was always going to happen.
Panic: Stacy shakes her head—“No.”
Anguish: Patty smiles sadly—“I have to.”
Horror: She steps forward—the shadows devour her instantly.36. INT. SAFE ROOM – NIGHT
Essence of the Scene:
With most of the group dead, Stacy, Eliza, Rebecca, Patty, and Anthony barricade themselves in a dimly lit storage room. The storm rages outside, but inside, it’s the silence that’s suffocating. The journal lies open in Stacy’s lap, its pages faded and brittle—but within it, the only chance of survival.Horror Situation:
The truth about the ritual is worse than they expected. The creatures cannot be destroyed—only sealed away. But every failed attempt strengthens them.Dread: Stacy flips through the journal, her breath hitching as she finds passages scrawled in frantic handwriting.
Fear: The journal speaks of a failed ritual centuries ago, its warnings ignored. The creatures were never killed—they were merely trapped.
Suspense: Rebecca points to a section—a diagram of the ritual. Symbols etched in blood, surrounded by charred fingerprints.
Anguish: Patty chokes on a sob—“So we were never meant to win?”
Shock: Stacy reads the final line aloud:
“With every death, they grow stronger.”
A gust of wind SLAMS against the door. The shadows pulse against the barricade.37. INT. SAFE ROOM – LATER
With time running out, the survivors piece together the ritual’s requirements—but it demands a sacrifice.Dread: Stacy flips through Edmund’s journal. The truth sinks in—“We were never meant to survive this.”
Suspense: Eliza finds the ritual’s requirements—a circle, a sacrifice, an incantation that the last survivor must speak.
Fear: Patty whispers, “This is suicide.”
Shock: Stacy closes the book. “Then I’ll do it.”Horror Situation:
They know. But survival comes at a cost. Who will make the sacrifice?Dread: The ritual requires a circle of fire and blood—symbols must be drawn before the final passage is spoken.
Suspense: Eliza points to a specific passage: “The last of the living must stand alone in the end.”
Fear: Stacy realizes this ritual will not save them all. Someone has to be left behind.
Shock: Rebecca grips Stacy’s wrist. “It has to be you.”
Anguish: Stacy shakes her head. “No. We find another way.” But deep down, she knows the truth.ACT 4 – FINAL ATTEMPT AT SURVIVAL
38. INT. GENERATOR ROOM – NIGHT
Stacy and Eliza restart the generator, but it’s a trap.Horror Situation:
The shadows were waiting for the light to lure them in.Dread: The shadows vanish—too easy.
Panic: Eliza steps forward cautiously.
Horror: A black tendril erupts, strangling her.
Shock: Stacy lunges, but Eliza is yanked into the abyss.39. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Stacy has one last chance to run, but chooses to face the creatures.Dread: The whispers surround her. They take Jack’s voice.
Suspense: “You can still leave,” they whisper. “Let someone else take your place.”
Fear: She tightens her grip on the journal, shaking but resolute.
Shock: “You can bring him back.”
Horror: She whispers the ritual incantation instead.40. INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT
Stacy is the last one standing. She clutches the journal, knowing the ritual was never meant to end the creatures, only contain them. Her flashlight flickers out. The shadows close in. She begins reciting the passage, her voice trembling as tendrils wrap around her arms and legs.Horror Situation:
There is no true victory. Only survival—if she can finish the ritual before the darkness consumes her.Dread: Stacy realizes—this was never about stopping them. The ritual was only a delay, a warning ignored.
Panic: Her flashlight flickers. The shadows surge forward, filling the stairwell with writhing black tendrils.
Hysteria: The whispers return, no longer soft and seductive—they are deafening, enraged, familiar voices screaming her name.
Anguish: Stacy forces herself to keep reading, her hands shaking, the journal slipping from her grasp as inky tendrils snake up her arms.
Horror: She finishes the passage. The darkness explodes outward, engulfing her in a suffocating void. Her scream is swallowed whole.41. INT. RESIDENTIAL BUILDING – DAY
The storm has cleared. Searchers find grotesque, twisted bodies.Horror Situation:
The shadows are gone—but something remains in Stacy.Horror: Searchers find symbols burned into the walls.
Dread: They find Stacy curled in a corner.
Shock: Her eyes flutter open—a shadow moves across her iris. -
Renee’s Horror Outline Version 1
What I learned doing this assignment is how to pull all the information we’ve learned in this class into a single outline that I can then use to write the script.
EXT. BEGICH TOWERS – NIGHT
Three teenagers—Edmund, Lucas, and Mark—sneak out of the residential tower, daring each other to go to the abandoned lighthouse.Apprehension: They whisper nervously, debating if they should continue.
Suspense: Lucas hesitates, looking back at the lit windows of the tower.
Fear: The wind howls unnaturally, almost like a whisper.2. INT. LIGHTHOUSE – NIGHT
The teens find an old ritual circle and a leather-bound journal inside the lighthouse. When Edmund steps inside the circle, a whisper thanks them—and Mark vanishes. Lucas flees, but the door slams shut, trapping Edmund inside.Horror Situation:
Edmund is trapped inside the lighthouse as a malevolent force awakens.Apprehension: The lantern flickers. The salt circle looks disturbed.
Shock: A whisper thanks them. Mark disappears.
Panic: Lucas bolts for the door—it slams shut behind him.
Fear: Shadows pulse toward Edmund, his breath frosting over.
Dread: A figure emerges from the dark, its face warping.
Horror: Edmund stumbles up the stairs, the shadows chasing him.
Release: At the top, the rotating beacon pushes the shadows back.
Scares & Releases:
Scare: A book slams shut by itself.
Release: The beacon saves Edmund—for now.
Monster Reveal: The shifting, amorphous entity watches him from the dark.3. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – MANAGEMENT OFFICE – DAY
Stacy, the building manager, scolds her son, Jack, for breaking into locked rooms.Surprise: The lights flicker when Jack slams his hands on the desk.
Apprehension: Shadows in the corners seem to shift unnaturally.4. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – EDMUND’S ROOM – DAY
Edmund, now an old recluse, mutters about the darkness returning.Surprise: A whisper snakes through the room.
Apprehension: The lights flicker sharply.5. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY KITCHEN – DAY
Eliza and Patty pack storm supplies while discussing Tracy’s declining mental state.Surprise: The lights dim suddenly.
Apprehension: The radio crackles with static.6. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – BASEMENT – DAY
Anthony works on a fuse box. The lights flicker violently as an unseen force stirs.7. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – MAIL ROOM – DAY
Chuck finds an undeliverable letter with a faded postmark that wasn’t there before.Surprise: The letter wasn’t there a second ago.
Apprehension: The room’s shadows shift behind him.8. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY STORAGE ROOM – DAY
Rebecca, alone, checks storm supplies. A whisper from the dark hallway makes her stop.Surprise: A sudden thud.
Apprehension: The hallway is too silent.9. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – ARCHIVES ROOM – DAY
Edmund warns Stacy it’s too late. She brushes him off.Apprehension: He’s visibly shaken.
10. EXT. TUNNEL ENTRANCE – DAY
Stacy closes the tunnel gate, sealing the town from the outside world.Apprehension: The wind howls, almost protesting.
Surprise: A streetlamp flickers out.11. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Tracy hears whispers from her bathroom.Horror Situation:
Tracy’s mental state unravels as something supernatural watches her.Surprise: A single water droplet hits the floor.
Apprehension: A whisper calls her name.
Scares & Releases:
Scare: The water in the tub starts overflowing—turning black.
Release: She blinks—the tub is empty again.12. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT (INCITING INCIDENT)
Stacy finds Tracy clutching her head. Before she can help, Tracy bolts toward the balcony and falls to her death.Horror Situation:
A ghostly force compels Tracy to suicide.Surprise: Tracy suddenly sprints to the balcony.
Shock: Stacy grabs her, but Tracy falls over the edge.
Scares & Releases:
Scare: The whispers intensify as Tracy moves.
Release: Silence. She’s gone.13. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY ROOM – NIGHT
Stacy informs the residents of Tracy’s suicide.Apprehension: Edmund mutters, “It’s starting again.”
14. INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT
Chuck is dragged into the abyss by shadow tendrils.Horror Situation:
The shadows claim their first victim inside the building.Surprise: The lights flicker—then die.
Shock: A shadow tendril lashes out, wrapping around Chuck.
Horror: He’s yanked into the dark, screaming.
Scares & Releases:
Scare: The lights flicker—then go out entirely.
Release: Chuck turns on a flashlight—brief relief.
Scare: The tendril yanks him down the stairs.15. INT. COMMUNITY COMMON ROOM – DAY
Stacy realizes Chuck is missing.Apprehension: Residents complain about strange noises.
Surprise: Chuck isn’t answering his radio.16. INT. CHUCK’S APARTMENT – DAY
The bathroom mirror is fogged over—but the heater is off.17. INT. STAIRWELL – DAY
The group finds Chuck’s flashlight—and his shadow still cast on the wall.Horror Situation:
Chuck’s presence lingers—even though he’s gone.Surprise: Chuck’s shadow is still on the wall.
Shock: The building loses power.
Horror: The whispers grow deafening.18. INT. CHUCK’S APARTMENT – DAY
The group enters Chuck’s apartment, expecting to find him asleep or sulking. Instead, everything is too still, too untouched.
The apartment feels abandoned, though he was just here. Something unnatural lingers.Apprehension: The air is thick, stagnant, as if no one has been here for days.
Surprise: Rebecca checks the bathroom mirror—it’s fogged over, despite the cold.
Dread: The temperature is freezing, yet condensation drips down the glass.
Horror: A faint noise from the hallway—but no one is there.19. INT. STAIRWELL – DAY
The group descends into the stairwell, searching for Chuck. They find his flashlight lying on the landing—but no sign of him.
Chuck is gone, but his shadow remains—twisted, frozen mid-motion.Apprehension: Their footsteps echo strangely, almost delayed, like something is following them.
Surprise: Anthony spots Chuck’s flashlight on the ground.
Shock: Chuck’s shadow is still on the wall—but it’s warped, mid-motion.
Dread: Suddenly, the power goes out—the entire building plunges into darkness.
Panic: Red emergency exit lights flicker on. Whispers layer and grow suffocatingly loud.
Horror: The shadows shift, move, close in—then chaos erupts as screams echo in the dark.ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN
20. INT. COMMON AREA – NIGHT
The survivors huddle together, trying to stay calm. The shadows shift, and Rebecca is attacked.
Horror Situation:
Something inside the dark finally reaches for them.Fear: The storm howls outside. Silence inside. Everyone is hyper-aware of every flicker and whisper.
Suspense: Rebecca yanks her feet up as something brushes past her ankle.
Shock: A tendril shoots out, wrapping around her leg.
Dread: Anthony and Patty grab her, pulling her back just in time.
Horror: Edmund stands frozen, hearing his name whispered from the dark. Without a word, he runs off alone.21. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT
Edmund rifles through books, trying to understand what is happening. The whispers surround him.Horror Situation:
The darkness doesn’t just kill—it tricks. It lures.Fear: The whispers aren’t just in his head anymore—they echo from the bookshelves.
Suspense: His flashlight sputters—he smacks it, forcing it to glow brighter.
Dread: He turns a page and gasps—the ritual was never completed properly.
Horror: The room darkens—shadows coil like living things.
Shock: The door SLAMS open—Stacy and the others arrive.
Panic: A tendril lashes out, dragging Edmund into the dark—his mouth opens in a silent scream.22. INT. COMMON AREA – NIGHT
Stacy tells the group that she needs to go after Edmund. Some insist they stick together, others want to stay put. A shadow flickers in the corner of the room. They decide to follow Stacy.Horror Situation:
The fear of isolation is growing, but they don’t yet realize they’re already being hunted.Fear: Some argue to stay put, afraid of the unknown lurking in the halls.
Suspense: A single flicker of movement in the corner of the room makes them all freeze.
Dread: They ultimately decide to follow Stacy—but the shadows seem to shift in response, as if aware of their choice.23. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT
Edmund frantically flips through books, realizing the ritual was incomplete. As Stacy and the others rush in, shadows coil around him and consume him whole.Horror Situation:
Edmund figures out too late that the darkness was never meant to be contained. It takes him in response.Fear: Edmund freezes. A horrifying realization dawns—they were wrong.
Suspense: The door slams open—Stacy and the group burst in.
Dread: Tendrils lash out, snaring Edmund. He gasps, struggling.
Horror: The shadows engulf him completely. His mouth opens in a silent scream, but there is no sound.
Shock: His body is gone. The book slams shut on its own.24. INT. ARCHIVES – NIGHT
Stacy uncovers the truth—each death feeds the shadows, making them stronger.Fear: The room is silent—the air heavy and suffocating.
Suspense: A loose document falls—it’s the original ritual diagram.
Dread: The shadows were never contained—the ritual was a failure.25. INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The group flees the archives, but Jack stops suddenly, his eyes glazed over.Horror Situation:
Jack is trapped in a hallucination, manipulated by the shadows.Fear: The hallway stretches unnaturally.
Suspense: A pale woman cradles her stomach, staring at Jack.
Dread: A ghostly baby cries, echoing inside his head.
Horror: The hallway transforms into a hospital corridor—an empty crib rocking in the center.
Panic: Stacy tries to grab him, but the fire doors slam shut.
Shock: Jack steps into the darkness—he vanishes completely.26. INT. HALLWAY – HALLUCINATION
Jack stops in the hallway, his breath hitching. Reality distorts around him—the shadows flicker, stretching into something wrong.Horror Situation:
The shadows are not just killing. They are warping perception, dragging their victims into personal hells.Dread: The hallway twists, elongates, flickering between reality and a nightmare.
Suspense: A figure materializes ahead—a grief-stricken young woman cradling her stomach.
Fear: A ghostly baby’s cry echoes, growing louder.
Dread: The hallway shifts into a sterile hospital corridor—a lone empty crib rocks slowly in the center.
Horror: The crying intensifies, drilling into his mind. The woman whispers something only he can hear.27. INT. HALLWAY – HALLUCINATION
Jack stops in the hallway, his breath hitching. Reality distorts around him—the shadows flicker, stretching into something wrong.Horror Situation:
The shadows are not just killing. They are warping perception, dragging their victims into personal hells.Dread: The hallway twists, elongates, flickering between reality and a nightmare.
Suspense: A figure materializes ahead—a grief-stricken young woman cradling her stomach.
Fear: A ghostly baby’s cry echoes, growing louder.
Dread: The hallway shifts into a sterile hospital corridor—a lone empty crib rocks slowly in the center.
Horror: The crying intensifies, drilling into his mind. The woman whispers something only he can hear.28. INT. HALLWAY – HALLUCINATION
Jack sees a woman ahead of him, grief-stricken, cradling her stomach. The baby’s cry grows deafening.Horror Situation:
Jack is tricked into stepping forward—and the shadows take him.Dread: The woman steps closer, her hollow eyes locked onto him.
Suspense: The crib rocks harder. The baby’s cry becomes deafening.
Fear: Jack trembles, whispering "I’m sorry" as the woman parts her lips—but only he can hear her words.
Horror: The hospital hallway melts away—the shadows surge forward.
Dread: Jack takes one step forward—then he’s gone.29. INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT (Horror Scene – Stacy’s Anguish)
Stacy slams her hands against the sealed fire doors, realizing Jack is gone.Horror Situation:
She can’t even see what took him. She can only feel the loss.Shock: Stacy slams her hands against the door, breath ragged.
Anguish: Red emergency lights flicker, illuminating nothing on the other side.
Panic: “Open it! We have to open it!” She fights Anthony and Eliza, trying to get back to Jack.
Horror: The whispers stop. The shadows don’t move. Silence settles in.
Dread: Anthony grips Stacy’s arm. Her breath catches.
Anguish: Jack is gone.ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR
30. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The group reaches the basement, but the corridors warp, stretch too long.
Horror Situation:
The basement is a trap. Anthony is next.Fear: The walls seem to breathe, shifting unnaturally.
Suspense: A tendril lashes out, wrapping around Anthony’s ankle.
Dread: He fights back, but more tendrils emerge.
Panic: Stacy tries to grab him, but Eliza pulls her back.
Horror: Anthony’s eyes widen as he’s yanked into the abyss.
31. INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The survivors move cautiously, weapons in hand. The shadows shift just outside the light.Horror Situation:
The whispers take the voices of lost loved ones, tempting them into the dark.Anguish: Patty freezes—she hears a voice she hasn’t heard in years.
Fear: The building is too quiet—shadows breathe outside the flashlight beams.
Dread: The whispers return, soft at first, then louder—familiar voices.
Hysteria: Stacy grabs Patty’s wrist, whispering, “Don’t listen” before dragging her forward.32. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The generator room is ahead, but the corridors warp, doors vanish and reappear. The shadows lunge.Horror Situation:
The basement is alive—and Anthony is its next victim.Anguish: Rebecca screams as Anthony swings wildly at the tendrils.
Panic: More wrap around him, pulling him backward.
Horror: Anthony’s eyes lock with Stacy’s—he mouths something unheard before he’s ripped into the abyss.
Hysteria: The whispers rise into unbearable screams.33 INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Rebecca stumbles forward, trying to process Anthony’s fate. She turns—his shadow is still there, stretched unnaturally.Horror Situation:
She freezes, and the darkness devours her whole.Dread: A flicker of hope—maybe Anthony is still there?
Horror: But no. His form is grotesque and unnatural.
Panic: The shadows slither toward her, sensing weakness.
Anguish: Stacy yells for her to move, but Rebecca collapses, frozen.
Horror: The darkness devours her completely.34. INT. LOUNGE AREA – NIGHT (Horror Scene – Patty’s Sacrifice)
Patty realizes her family is connected to the shadows.
Horror Situation:
She offers herself to the darkness, but it only makes them stronger.Dread: She understands now—this was always going to happen.
Panic: Stacy shakes her head—“No.”
Anguish: Patty smiles sadly—“I have to.”
Horror: She steps forward—the shadows devour her instantly.ACT 4 – FINAL ATTEMPT AT SURVIVAL
35. INT. GENERATOR ROOM – NIGHT (Horror Scene – Eliza’s Death)
Stacy and Eliza restart the generator, but it’s a trap.Horror Situation:
The shadows were waiting for the light to lure them in.Dread: The shadows vanish—too easy.
Panic: Eliza steps forward cautiously.
Horror: A black tendril erupts, strangling her.
Shock: Stacy lunges, but Eliza is yanked into the abyss.36. INT. BASEMENT HALLWAY – NIGHT
Stacy runs alone, the whispers mocking her—Jack, Tracy, Edmund.Panic: She runs, gasping, flashlight bouncing.
Dread: The whispers return, layering.
Hysteria: She clutches the journal, sobbing. The whispers turn to screams.37. INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT
Stacy is the last one standing. She clutches the journal, knowing the ritual was never meant to end the creatures, only contain them. Her flashlight flickers out. The shadows close in. She begins reciting the passage, her voice trembling as tendrils wrap around her arms and legs.Horror Situation:
There is no true victory. Only survival—if she can finish the ritual before the darkness consumes her.Dread: Stacy realizes—this was never about stopping them. The ritual was only a delay, a warning ignored.
Panic: Her flashlight flickers. The shadows surge forward, filling the stairwell with writhing black tendrils.
Hysteria: The whispers return, no longer soft and seductive—they are deafening, enraged, familiar voices screaming her name.
Anguish: Stacy forces herself to keep reading, her hands shaking, the journal slipping from her grasp as inky tendrils snake up her arms.
Horror: She finishes the passage. The darkness explodes outward, engulfing her in a suffocating void. Her scream is swallowed whole.38. INT. RESIDENTIAL BUILDING – DAY
The storm has cleared. Searchers find grotesque, twisted bodies.Horror Situation:
The shadows are gone—but something remains in Stacy.Horror: Searchers find symbols burned into the walls.
Dread: They find Stacy curled in a corner.
Shock: Her eyes flutter open—a shadow moves across her iris. -
Renee’s Scary as Hell Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is how to stack the emotions in an order that ratchets up the horror and pulls the audience further into the story.
INT. LIGHTHOUSE – NIGHT
The floorboards groan under their feet. Their flashlights dart over peeling walls, revealing decades-old graffiti scrawled in uneven handwriting.
LUCAS
(mocking)
Oooooh, so scary –Mark laughs and shoves Lucas playfully. He stumbles back, stepping into a ritual circle and disturbing the salt line.
The door SLAMS shut behind them with a deafening BANG. Mark spins around.
MARK
What the hell?!Lucas laughs. Edmund reaches for the handle. It won’t budge. Edmund grins, forcing false bravado.
EDMUND
I guess we’re sleeping here tonight.Mark pushes him from the door and leans into the door, shoving it open with effort. The wind rushes in. They exhale, chuckling uneasily.
The group looks around the small area. Mark grabs a can of spray paint from his backpack and starts tagging a nearby wall according to Lucas’s directions.
Edmund walks around, taking everything in. He spots something in the corner. A small leather journal sits hidden in the shadows. Edmund steps forward and grabs the book. His breath fogs in the air.
Lucas looks over at Edmund, curious about the book. He snatches it from his hand, disturbing more of the salt circle. The lantern flickers.
Edmund’s gaze flicks to the lantern, his brows creasing in concern. Lucas flicks through the book. Not finding anything of use, he slams it shut and pushes it back to Edmund.
Edmund
I don’t like this, man. Maybe we should head back.The lantern flickers once—then goes out completely.
Darkness. A hissing breath inches along the walls.
Then, the lantern flares back to life.
MARK IS GONE.
Edmund and Lucas whip around.
EDMUND
(frantic, barely whispering)
"Mark?!"The salt circle is broken.
Lucas backs up, heart pounding.
Then—a low, wet scrape across the wooden floor.
They both freeze.
From the shadows, a figure steps forward.
It looks like Mark. His mouth gapes open, but his chest doesn’t rise or fall. His arms hang too long, fingers twitching like a broken marionette. His head jerks to one side.
MARK
(distorted, wet whisper)
"You said you'd never leave me alone."Lucas bolts for the exit.
Edmund moves to follow—
The door SLAMS SHUT on its own.
Edmund grabs the handle, but the wood blackens beneath his fingers. His skin numbs instantly.
He snatches his hand back. Frostbite. It’s cold enough to burn.
The shadows slither up the walls. They writhe, moving too fast, like something unseen is pushing inside them.
Mark’s head tilts unnaturally.
MARK
"You let me die."Edmund stumbles backward.
Lucas is already gone.
Edmund turns, sprinting for the staircase. The wood beneath his feet groans.
Something cold brushes his ankle. He doesn’t look back. The whispering turns to screaming.
Edmund slams into the stairs, scrambling up them two at a time.
Below, the darkness SEETHES. The walls twist, buckling unnaturally as the shadows lunge toward him.
The stairs elongate. The lantern’s light wobbles.
MARK (O.S.)
"You’ll die here. You’ll die here. YOU’LL DIE HERE."Edmund gasps as a black tendril lashes out, wrapping around his wrist. His veins blacken beneath his skin. His fingers turn stiff, frozen.
He wrenches free, skin splitting as the shadow peels away. Edmund reaches the top.
The rotating beacon of the lighthouse illuminates the room. Edmund falls to his knees, gasping.
The shadows stop.
They hover at the threshold of light, writhing, unable to move forward.
The whispering fades into a slow, rhythmic hum—waiting.
Edmund clutches his wrist—the skin there blackened, veins still tinged dark.
Outside, the storm rages, trapping him inside.
He has to survive until sunrise.
-
Renee’s Scares, Releases, and Creepy Moments
What I learned doing this assignment is how to incorporate scares, releases, and creepy moments through the outline to keep the audience guessing and in a state of fear.
INT. STAIRWELL – DAY
The group descends cautiously, their footsteps echoing in the narrow stairwell. Flashlight beams slice through the dimness, bouncing off the cold, concrete walls.
Stacy leads, tense, scanning every step. Eliza clutches a crowbar, knuckles white. Anthony grips a wrench, hyper-alert. Rebecca and Patty whisper behind them, barely breathing.
At the next landing – a flashlight lies abandoned on the floor.
ANTHONY
It’s Chuck’s.He kneels, reaching for it. The others crowd behind him. Then – Patty gasps.
PATTY
Oh my God.The group turns to the wall – and freezes.
Chuck’s shadow is still there, cast against the concrete, but twisted – one arm-mid motion, his head tilted in a silent, frozen scream. But Chuck isn’t there.
A heavy silence weighs down on them. The shadow twitches – not like flickering light, but like it’s alive.
ANTHONY
This isn’t possible.He grips his wrench, stepping closer. The flashlight flickers in his hand – then, with a loud boom, the entire building’s power dies. Everything plunges into total darkness.
The stairwell becomes an abyss, a void of absolute black. The group sucks in sharp breaths, some muttering curses, others fumbling blindly.
Then – red emergency exit lights sputter to life, bathing the walls in a sickly crimson glow. A collective exhale. The light is weak, but it’s something.
Rebecca stiffens. She lifts her shaking flashlight toward the wall where Chuck’s shadow should be. It’s gone.
A whisper snakes through the air, low and distorted, as if coming from deep underwater. At first, it’s indistinct, layered voices merging together. Then – it sharpens, a single voice breaking through.
CHUCK (V.O.)
Stay… in the light.The group goes still.
Patty
(whispering)
Did you hear that?A breathy almost ragged exhale fills the stairwell.
TRACY (V.O.)
(whispering)
RUN.The shadows around them shift, stretching independently of their owners.
A heartbeat of silence. Then – the whispers rise, turning into a deafening, suffocating hum. A sharp wind slams down the stairwell – but the windows are sealed shut.
Then, something unseen starts descending toward them from above. Heavy, deliberate footsteps echo down the stairwell. Someone screams.
-
Renee’s Level 3 Horror Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is how to space out the horror emotions to build the horror until it reaches hysteria.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The hallway stretches too long. The generator room should be ahead, but the walls seem to breathe, pulsing like a living thing.
The air thickens. Cold. Suffocating. The whispers slither through the darkness, layering over each other. A door disappears just as they reach it. The generator room is gone. Then – the shadows lunge.
A tendril whips through the air – fast. It snaps Anthony’s ankle. He stumbles, nearly losing his footing. Stacy lunges, grabbing his wrist.
Another tendril wraps around his leg. Then another. Twisting. Pulling.
REBECCA
No – no, no, no!Anthony grits his teeth and yanks at his legs, trying to get free.
ANTHONY
I’ve got this – just pull me up!Stacy leans back, pulling with all her strength.
STACY
Keep fighting – don’t stop!A third tendril snaps out and wraps around his chest. Rebecca drops to her knees, grabbing his arm, pulling hard. Her eyes lock with Anthony’s. Terror wells up in his expression, but he keeps it steady.
ANTHONY
Don’t let go.The tendrils pull harder. His body slides backward, inch by inch. Rebecca sobs, shaking her head violently.
REBECCA
Take me instead! Please!The whispers deepen. A cruel chuckle echoes through the space.
ANTHONY
Don’t be stupid … you still have a chance.Stacy tightens her grip, fingers digging into his wrist. Anthony grits his teeth, struggling. The shadows slither over his back. He gasps, his flesh pulls unnaturally.
ANTHONY
It hurts.STACY
You’re not dying here!A horrible wet sound. Anthony’s features distort – one eye sunken, his jaw pulling sideways. His face half-disappears into the shadow. His limbs elongate, grotesque, and unnatural.
STACY
(screaming)
No!Anthony screams – a final, choked sound.
Then – the shadows tear him back. The darkness swells, swallowing him whole. His silent scream lingers in the air. A final, sickening crunch. Then nothing.
Rebecca collapses, trembling. Stacy stares, wide-eyed, chest heaving.
They couldn’t save him. He was right there. And they let him go.
The whispers twist into laughter. Mocking.
STACY
We have to move.Rebecca is frozen, staring at the spot where he husband just stood.
REBECCA
He’s gone… He was just here…Stacy yanks Rebecca up by her jacket, shaking her.
STACY
RUN!They sprint down the hallway. The shadows follow.
-
Renee’s Level 2 Horror Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is how to continue to weave in horror emotions and ratcheting up the horror as the story moves through the acts.
INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT
Dim emergency lights cast deep, stretching shadows. Edmund rifles through old books, flipping frantically through pages, scanning each one before tossing them aside. His breath is uneven, ragged.
WHISPERS (faint)
…find it, Edmund…You have to see…
Edmund freezes. His fingers tighten around the book’s brittle pages.
WHISPERS (closer)
…You’ve always run, Edmund…you left us…
The dim, red emergency lights flicker. His flashlight sputters. A gust of icy air slithers through the room. Edmund shudders. His hands tremble as he turns another page. The whispers grow louder.
WHISPERS
… Did you think we forgot?
He snaps the book shut.
Silence.
His chest rises and falls. He glances around, pulse pounding.
A shadow stretches unnaturally across the floor.
Then. The library warps around him.
HALLUCINATION – INT. LIGHTHOUSE – NIGHT
The wind howls outside the lighthouse. Wind rattles the windows as waves crash violently below. Teenage Edmund, stands at the top of the stairs, a lantern flickering in his hands.
Two shadows of his past stand below on the stairs – his friends. Their faces are pale, desperate.
FRIEND #1
Edmund, help us!
One of them reaches for him. The lantern sputters. Edmund steps back. Just like before. His friend screams as tendrils of darkness coil around him, twisting up his legs.
FRIEND #2
You left us.
The whispers merge with their voices – layered, overlapping.
FRIEND #1
You ran. You survived. We didn’t.
A hand stretches toward him. Pale. Trembling. Pleading.
FRIEND #1 (softly)
It’s okay, Edmund. Just take my hand.
Edmund reaches forward – hesitates.
His friend’s lips curl into an unnatural smile. The darkness EXPLODES, engulfing them.
END HALLUCINATION
INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT
The door bursts open. Stacy, Anthony, Rebecca, Jack, Patty, and Eliza storm inside.
They freeze. The library is normal. Edmund stands motionless. His arm outstretched.
STACY
Edmund?
He doesn’t react. His lips move, barely a whisper.
EDMUND (whispering)
I’m sorry. I should have –
The shadows erupt from the corners of the room. Tendrils snap around Edmund’s arms, legs, and throat. Edmund’s eyes clear as realization dawns on him.
EDMUND (gasping)
No! No!The shadows pull Edmund in. His scream chokes off.
The room plunges into silence.
Then – The whispers don’t stop. Edmund’s voice joins them.
EDMUND (whispering)
You left us. You ran. You survived.
Panic erupts. Eliza backs away, hand over her mouth, shaking her head. Rebecca gasps, stumbling back nearly tripping over a fallen book.
REBECCA
This isn’t happening.
ANTHONY
Move!They all turn and bolt for the door.
Stacy hesitates. Her eyes lock on Edmund’s flashlight – flickering weakly on the floor. And the book. Still open. Still whispering.
She snaps forward, scooping both up – the whirls, sprinting after the others.
Just as – the library doors slam shut.
The whispers linger. The flashlight dims. The shadows stretch.
-
Renee’s Level One Horror Emotions Scene
What I learned about doing this assignment is how important it is to carefully plot out the horror that the characters are going to experience through the story. I also learned that you want to start of slowly and build to the hysteria.
Int. Tracy’s Bedroom – Night
Wind rattles the windows, a long, eerie howl sweeping through the cracks. A single bedside lamp flickers, barely illuminating the small apartment. The rest of the room is drenched in shadow.
Tracy sits hunched on the edge of the bed, shoulders curled inward. Her fingers clutch a framed photo – her and her son, Mikey. A summer afternoon frozen in time. A boy with sun-kidded cheeks and a bright, toothy grin, his arms wrapped tightly around his mother’s neck. Tracy stares at it, her breath slow and ragged.
A whisper cuts through the room.
WHISPER
…Your fault…
Tracy flinches, her grip tightening on the frame. Her head snaps up. Silence. The wind rattles again, but there’s something else- a murmur, just under the surface.
WHISPER
…You failed him…
Tracy’s fingers go white against the frame. She looks toward the darkened hallway, her lips pressing into a thin line.
WHISPER
…he called for you…
She shudders, pulling the frame to her chest like a shield, weeping.
WHISPER
…but you didn’t wake up…
The voice is soft, distant – but it’s Mikey.
Tracy’s breathing turns shallow. The whisper comes from behind her this time.
MIKEY (whispering)
…Mommy?
The photo frame slips from her fingers. Glass cracks against the floor. A new sound joins the whispers.
DRIP. DRIP.
Tracy freezes. The bathroom door stands slightly ajar. Darkness yawns behind it. The drip quickens. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP.
She rises, slow and stiff. Moves toward the bathroom door, one step at a time.
INT. TRACY’S BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS
The air is thick, damp with something that isn’t just humidity. The door opens slowly. Tracy peeks in. The faucet isn’t dripping.
In the mirror’s reflection Tracy can see that the bathtub is full. Tracy stiffens. The water is dark. She steps further into the room.
Her stomach twists at the small figure that sits in the water, back to her. Tracy sways on her feet.
TRACY (whispering)
Mikey?
The child stirs. The whispers stop. Then –
The water turns black. A slow, thick seep of ink spills over the edge, stretching toward Tracy’s bare feet.
Her gasp is sharp and strangled. She stumbles back, hand flying to her mouth.
The boy turns. His skin is bloated and pale, his lips blue, his eyes sunken and empty. Once golden and full of life, his hair clings to his skull in wet clumps.
His mouth parts, and black water dribbles from his lips.
MIKEY
Why didn’t you save me, Mommy?
Tracy screams. The shadows pulse. The black water reaches her toes. She bolts for the door.
INT. TRACY’S LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Tracy runs into the center of the room, clutching her head and sobbing.
Stacy bursts through the door, fear and concern dancing in her eyes.
Tracy stands in the center of the room, trembling, her hands clutching her ears. Her breathing is ragged, panicked. Her eyes are wide, darting wildly.
The whispers are still there – relentless, seeping into her skull.
WHISPER
…you let me drown…you fell asleep…you deserve this…
Tracy sobs, rocking slightly, eyes squeezing shut.
TRACY
Make them stop. Please, make them stop.
Stacy rushes up and grabs Tracy’s arms, trying to look into her eyes.
STACY
Make who stop, Tracy? There’s nothing here.
Tracy’s head snaps up.
TRACY
You don’t hear that?
The whispers twist. Snarling. Hissing. Overlapping.
WHISPERS
…you’re a monster…
Tracy whimpers, shaking her head violently. She stumbles back, her hands still pressing against her ears.
TRACY
…make them STOP!
STACY
Tracy, listen to me! You’re safe, you’re okay, just breathe.
Tracy’s gaze locks onto hers, wild and desperate.
The whispers SCREAM.
Tracy shrieks and wrenches free from Stacy’s grasp. She turns and bolts for the balcony.
STACY
NO!
EXT. TRACY’S BALCONY – CONTINUOUS
Tracy throws open the glass door and stumbles onto the icy balcony. The wind whips around her, howling.
The whispers surge, deafening.
WHISPERS
…it ends here…jump…
Stacy lunges, grabbing the back of Tracy’s shirt just as she reaches the railing. For a terrible second, she has her.
Then-the fabric rips. Tracy plunges over the edge. Stacy is left standing there, her hands shaking, gripping nothing but torn fabric.
The wind screams. A final whisper slithers through the air.
WHISPERS
…not your fault…
Beat
WHISPERS
…unless it is.
Stacy’s breath hitches. She steps back from the railing, shaking, her pulse pounding in her ears.
Then – a flicker of movement. She snaps her head up, eyes darting across the balcony.
A shadow lingers just beyond the railing – twisting, stretching.
For a moment, it almost looks like a figure standing there. Watching. Waiting.
Then – it’s gone.
The wind dies down.
Stacy stumbles back, shaking. She slams the balcony door shut – locks it. She doesn’t turn her back on it. She backs out of the room, gripping the torn sleeve in her fist. In the reflection of the glass, something shifts in the darkness. -
Renee’s Outline – Version 2
Title: Frozen Shadows
Written By: Renee Miller
Logline: When a freak blizzard blankets Whittier, Alaska, in perpetual darkness, the town’s residents are stalked by shadow creatures that manifest their deepest fears and grow stronger with each kill.Outline:
1. EXT. BEGICH TOWERS – NIGHT
A door opens, and three teenagers step outside and hurry across the yard.
2. INT. LIGHTHOUSE – NIGHT
Edmund and his friends step into the lighthouse. In the center of the main room is a large ritual circle drawn in salt with a small leather journal in the center. Edmund steps in to pick up the book.
Shadows flicker unnaturally as he steps up to his friends. The lantern sputters. A whisper thanks them. One of the friends disappears right in front of their eyes. The other friend runs outside, and Edmund runs up the stairs to the top, where the bright rotating light of the lighthouse saves him.
3. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – MANAGEMENT OFFICE – DAY
Stacy sits at her desk reviewing maintenance reports. A radio in the background is talking about the incoming storm. The door slams open, and her son Jack stalks in. Stacy glares at him. He and his friends vandalized the building and broke into locked rooms. The light overhead flickers.
She grounds him and then tells him she needs to see to the main tunnel closing and see to those who want to leave before the storm arrives.
4. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – EDMUND’S ROOM – DAY
Edmund hunches over a stack of books and old documents, the journal from the opening scene open next to him. The lights above him flicker sharply, and a whisper snakes through the room. He snaps the book shut and looks around nervously.
5. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY KITCHEN – DAY
Eliza and Patty sort supplies and prepare meal packs for the town’s storm relief program. A radio plays in the background. Tracy steps in and makes small talk about the storm. The lights dim for a second, as if something is siphoning the energy.
After Tracy leaves, Patty remarks that she is worried about the state of Tracy’s mental health after the accidental death of her young son.
6. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – BASEMENT – DAY
Anthony works on a rusty fuse box, cursing under his breath. Rebecca stands next to him and hands him tools. He touches an exposed wire, and the lights in the basement flicker unnaturally. Rebecca shudders. They both glance toward the dark hallway, but see nothing.
7. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – MAIL ROOM – DAY
Chuck sorts through the building’s mail, flipping through letters with mild disinterest. He finds another undeliverable package. A resident approaches, making small talk as they collect their mail. He slides a letter into a metal slot, and something catches his eye. An envelope with a faded postmark. The name on it smudged, but it wasn’t on the pile before. He flips it over, then shrugs and drops it in the outgoing bin.
8. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY STORAGE ROOM – DAY
Rebecca stands inside a dimly lit storage room, taking inventory of supplies and checking storm provisions, stacking flashlights, and writing notes in a logbook. The light overhead flickers. A soft whisper drifts from the dark hallway just outside. She freezes, then slowly turns toward the darkened hallway.
She grabs a flashlight and click it on, shining it toward the hallway. The silence stretches. She grits her teeth, shaking off the fear and forces herself back to the task at hand.
9. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – ARCHIVES ROOM – DAY
Edmund is hunched over a large, weathered book. He mutters to himself, barely noticing when the door creaks open. Stacy steps inside and asks him if he is staying or going as the tunnel will be closing in one hour.
He starts babbling about the darkness and warns her that it’s already too late. She brushes him off as paranoid.
10. EXT. TUNNEL ENTRANCE – DAY
Stacy stands at the tunnel’s reinforced metal gate. The last car idles just inside the tunnel, the occupants speaking with Stacy. The vehicle takes off, and Stacy presses a button on the control panel. A deep, mechanical groan fills the air as the gate closes.
With the tunnel blocked, Stacy starts back toward the tower. She catches movement in the corner of her eye. She pauses. The shadows stretch, elongating unnaturally. She shakes her head, and the shadows shrink back to normal. She keeps walking, a little faster now. Behind her, a street light flickers, then snuffs out completely.
11. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
The room is fully lit, the lights flickering overhead. The wind howls. Tracy sits on the edge of her bed. A whisper has her looking to the bathroom door. The sound of water dripping quickens her breathing. She rises from the bed and slowly walks to the door. She hesitates before pushing it open and stepping inside.
12. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S BATHROOM – NIGHT
She walks in to find the bathtub full of water and a small figure with its back turned toward her. The child shifts toward her; his skin is waterlogged, his lips are blue, and his eyes are ashen. She lets out a sob and stumbles backward, hands covering her mouth.
The water in the tub starts to overflow, rushing over the edge, but it’s black, ink-like, pooling at her feet. She shuts her eyes, and when she opens them again the bathtub is empty, dry, pristine.
13. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – HALLWAY – NIGHT
Stacy approaches Tracy’s door, it’s slightly ajar. She calls out to Tracy. No answer. She pushes the door open and steps inside.
14. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Stacy steps in and immediately stops when she sees Tracy in the middle of the room, clutching her head and whimpering. Stacy rushes over to her and tries to convince her that there isn’t anyone there.
Before Stacy can react, Tracy stumbles backward. She looks up at Stacy in obvious stress before turning and rushing toward the balcony door. She throws it open and steps outside. Stacy sprints forward, grabbing the back of Tracy’s shirt, but as she tips over the balcony edge, the weight pulls her out of Stacy’s grasp, and she tumbles over the edge.
15. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY ROOM – NIGHT
Stacy stands in front of the group. The silence is oppressive, and the remaining residents stand with unease. Stacy informs them of Tracy’s apparent suicide. As the group murmurs in shock and disbelief, Edmund mumbles something about it starting again.
After a bit of speculation and discussion, Stacy tells everyone to go home and get some sleep. Edmund lingers for a moment, watching Stacy.
16. INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT
In the dimly lit stairwell, Chuck mutters under his breath. The lights overhead flicker sporadically, then go out entirely. Chuck pulls out a flashlight and clicks it on. From below, the sound of footsteps. Chuck swings the flashlight down, but it does nothing to push back the oppressive darkness.
Someone breathes behind him. He whips around, but there is no one. His flashlight sputters and then dies. Behind him, the stairs begin to darken as the shadows grow unnaturally behind him. The darkness erupts as something lashes out from the shadows, wrapping around his legs and arms and pulling him into the stairwell’s black abyss.
17. INT. COMMUNITY COMMON ROOM – DAY
The group gathers in the common room. Several residents complain about hearing noises; others admit to an unsettling sense of being watched. Stacy takes a mental headcount and realizes that Chuck is missing.Stacy calls Chuck, but there’s no answer. Edmund mutters cryptically that it is happening faster this time. Stacy brushes him off, and she makes the call that they need to go to his apartment to check on him.
18. INT. CHUCK’S APARTMENT – DAY
The group enters Chuck’s apartment, expecting to find him asleep or sulking. Instead, they find the space undisturbed. A few residents attempt to rationalize his absence, suggesting he might have gone out early for something.
The more the search, the less sense it makes. The bathroom mirror is oddly fogged over, despite freezing temperatures. A faint noise from the hallway makes them tense up, but there is nothing there. Stacy, fully uneasy, leads them toward the stairwell.
19. INT. STAIRWELL – DAY
The group descends the stairwell. On the landing, just a few stories down, they find Chuck’s flashlight, but there’s no sign of Chuck. No blood, no struggle, no indication of where he went. Anthony picks up the flashlight, the shift in light reveals Chuck’s shadow still cast against the wall, but it’s stretched unnaturally, twisting slightly, as if in mid motion.
The flashlight goes out. Then, suddenly, the rest of the building’s power goes out, plunging everyone into complete darkness. The emergency exit lights flicker on, casting an eerie red glow. Movement in the shadows. Whispers begin, first faint, then rising, growing layered and suffocating. Chaos erupts. Stacy tells them not to panic, it’s just the storm.
ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN
20. INT. COMMON AREA – NIGHT
On edge, the group huddles together with flashlights pushing away the darkness. Stacy tries to keep everyone calm and formulates a plan for getting the generator up and running again.
The shadows shift. A tendril lashes out and wraps around Rebecca’s ankle, yanking her toward the shadow. Anthony and Patty lunge for her. At the last second, it lets go, and Rebecca scrambles back to the group. Edmund stands frozen. He hears whispers. Without a word, he hurries out of the room.
21. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT
Edmund quickly rifles through books. He keeps hearing the whispers. His flashlight sputters. He hits it a couple of times, and the light glows brighter.
22. INT. COMMON AREA – NIGHT
Stacy tells the group that she needs to go after Edmund. They argue that they should stick together. Stacy gives in, and they all head to the library.
23. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT
Edmund frantically flips through books. His finger stops on a passage. His eyes widen. He has the answer, or at least part of it. The room grows unnaturally dark. The shadows coil around the walls, stretching like living things.
The door burst open, and Stacy and the others burst in. They freeze as they watch the shadows close in on Edmund. Tendrils lash out, snaring him. He gasps, struggling, but the tendril tightens around him before pulling him in and absorbing him completely.
24. INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT
Jack still refuses to accept the horror around him and runs blindly into the stairwell, trying to escape. The shadows shift and stretch, twisting the architecture around him. No matter which way he turns, he ends up back where he started.
The shadows manifest his guilt. His distorted reflection appears on the wall, its mouth stretching into an unnatural grin before it lunges. Jack screams as the darkness overtakes him.
25. INT. ARCHIVES – NIGHT
Stacy frantically searches through old documents, journals, and maps. She uncovers the truth – the shadows were created by a failed ritual, an ancient mistake that was never fully contained. She discovers that with every death, the creatures grow stronger.
ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR
26. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Anthony and Rebecca descend into the pitch-black basement, desperate to restart the generator. The space warps into a labyrinth, trapping them. There’s movement in the dark. The shadows surge forward, chasing them through the narrow corridors.
Anthony shoves Rebecca forward, buying her a chance to escape, but the creatures drag him into the abyss.27. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Rebecca stumbles forward, gasping for breath. She stops, realizing she’s alone. She turns back, frozen with fear, seeing Anthony’s twisted remains in the shadows. The whispers grow deafening. She collapses, unable to move as the darkness engulfs her.
28. INT. LOUNGE AREA – NIGHT
With most of the group gone, Patty finally understands her connection to the original ritual. Believing that a willing sacrifice might end the nightmare, she steps forward. But the moment she offers herself, the shadows surge forward and consume her. Instead of weakening them, they grow even stronger.
ACT 4 – FINAL ATTEMPT AT SURVIVAL
29. INT. GENERATOR ROOM – NIGHT
Stacy and Eliza manage to restart the generator, flooding the building with light. The shadows retreat into corners, seemingly defeated. There’s a moment of relief as the shadows suddenly vanish. Eliza steps forward cautiously, and then the lights flicker. A black tendril bursts from the darkness, wrapping around her throat. Before Stacy can react, Eliza is gone.
30. INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT
Stacy is the only one left, realizing there’s no way to destroy the creatures. The ritual wasn’t meant to end them – only delay them- but she has to give it a shot. Her flashlight flickers out. The shadows close in as she recites the passage in the ritual to seal them off again. The shadows envelope her.
31. EXT. RESIDENTIAL BUILDING – DAY (DAYS LATER)
The storm has cleared. The tunnel reopens, and other residents start to return. As they move through the building, the rooms are filled with grotesquely distorted bodies, frozen in place. Strange symbols burned into the walls. Someone finds Stacy, barely alive, curled in a corner, her breath shallow but steady. She opens her eyes, and a shadow moves across her iris before disappearing.
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Renee’s Character Journey Track
What I learned doing this lesson is
Act 1 – Setup for Horror
Atmosphere of Evil Established
Young Edmund explores the abandoned building, following strange symbols etched into the walls. Shadows move unnaturally, whispers turn into screams. His lantern dies, plunging him into darkness.
Monster Reveal: The shadows move independently, and whispers echo through the darkness.
Horror Situation: Someone is trapped in a pitch-black room as the shadows seep in through the cracks.
Reaction: Edmund barely escapes, running to the top of the lighthouse where the light saves him.
Character Journey (Edmund): His experience leaves him paranoid, reclusive, and haunted.
Connect with the characters
The group is introduced: Stacy (leader), Jack (rebel), Eliza (innocent), Rebecca (teacher), Anthony (electrician), Chuck (ex-military), Patty (mysterious outsider), and Edmund (historian).
Monster Reveal: Stacy sees a shadow twist unnaturally in the stairwell but rationalizes it.
Horror Situation: Stacy freezes as a shadow morphs into her worst fear.
Reaction: She denies what she saw, blaming the storm.
First Temptation
Rebecca discovers an old ritual book in a storage closet. As she reads, she hears the voice of a lost loved one calling from the shadows.
Monster Reveal: The shadows mimic a loved one’s voice, nearly luring her into the darkness.
Horror Situation: Rebecca hesitates at the threshold.
Reaction: She denies it, rationalizing it as a trick of her mind.
THE CHARACTERS ARE WARNED NOT TO DO IT
Stacy confronts Edmund about the journal. He warns her not to dig further: "The darkness must not be disturbed."
Monster Reveal: Edmund cryptically alludes to something unnatural happening in the past.
Reaction: Stacy brushes him off as paranoid.
DENIAL OF HORROR
The storm rages outside. Lights flicker. Strange noises echo. A resident goes missing.
Reaction: The group rationalizes the odd occurrences as stress or coincidence.
SAFETY TAKEN AWAY
A power surge kills the generator, plunging the building into near-total darkness. Emergency lights flicker weakly.
Monster Reveal: Tracy hears her dead son’s voice calling to her.
Horror Situation: The shadows lure her into the dark.
Reaction: She embraces the monster.
FIRST CHARACTER DEATH
Tracy disappears into the shadows, lost in an endless hallway that doesn’t exist.Character Death: Tracy
Cause of Death: Disoriented and lost, she dies of exhaustion, starvation, or insanity.
Effect on the Group: Shocks everyone. No longer just paranoia—something real is happening.
MONSTER TAKES ITS NEXT VICTIM
Chuck investigates Tracy’s disappearance, still denying the supernatural.
Monster Reveal: The shadows drag him into the walls, consuming him.
Horror Situation: The group sees Chuck disappear in front of them.
Reaction: Panic. Some try to flee; others freeze.
ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN
MONSTER: THE NATURE OF THE BEAST
The group huddles under the emergency lighting, whispering arguments breaking out.
Monster Reveal: The shadows distort reflections, mimic voices, and manifest fears.
Horror Situation: Someone is shackled by shadowy tendrils, unable to move.
Reaction: The group fractures—some hide, others try to escape.
EDMUND'S FINAL STAND
Edmund, realizing the creatures are growing stronger, tries to explain their history.
Monster Reveal: The shadows grow darker, targeting Edmund directly.
Horror Situation: Tendrils strangle him as he sees visions of his past.
Character Death: Edmund
Effect on the Group: The historian, their last source of answers, is gone.
ONE OF US KILLED
Jack, still defiant, tries to run, but the shadows twist reality around him.
Monster Reveal: The shadows manifest Jack’s guilt and distort him into an unnatural form.
Character Death: Jack
Effect on the Group: No escape.
MIDPOINT: THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT
Stacy uncovers that the shadows were born from a failed ritual, feeding on guilt and fear.
Monster Reveal: The shadows get stronger with every death.
ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR
BASEMENT TRAP
Anthony and Rebecca try to restart the generator but get trapped in a labyrinth.
Horror Situation: They are chased by shadows, unable to find the exit.
Reaction: They try to fight back, but Anthony sacrifices himself.
Character Death: Anthony
REBECCA'S BREAKDOWN
Rebecca watches Anthony die, frozen in fear.
Horror Situation: She collapses, overtaken by shadows.
Character Death: Rebecca
PATTY'S SACRIFICE
Patty, realizing she has a connection to the original ritual, steps forward.
Horror Situation: She chooses to sacrifice herself, hoping to end it.
Character Death: Patty
Effect on the Group: Hope shattered—the sacrifice strengthens the shadows.
FINAL ATTEMPT AT SURVIVAL
Stacy and Eliza attempt to restart the generator, temporarily flooding the building with light.
Monster Reveal: The shadows pretend to retreat, tricking them.
Horror Situation: The group steps out, thinking they won.
Character Death: Eliza
STACY'S FINAL FIGHT
Stacy realizes the ritual can only delay the shadows, not destroy them.
Horror Situation: Her flashlight dies as the shadows close in.
Reaction: She charges into action.
Apparent Character Death: Stacy
RESOLUTION
The town reopens. Searchers find the building abandoned, bodies grotesquely distorted.
Monster Reveal: The shadows are dormant—but waiting.
Final Reveal: Stacy is found alive, barely breathing.
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Renee’s Monster Reveal Track
What I learned doing this assignment is how to strategically reveal the monster to create demand and tension for the characters and increase the suspense for the audience in a well-thought-out way.
Who is your monster and what is their terror?
The monsters are ancient shadow creatures birthed from a failed ritual meant to suppress overwhelming darkness tied to guilt, fear, and unresolved trauma. They are formless, sentient manifestation of negative human emotions and thrive on feeding off guilt, fear, and despair. They inhabit and manipulate shadows, making them omnipresent in darkened environments. The creatures are not mindless – they are calculating predators, toying with their victims psychologically before striking.Powers: they can extinguish light sources, stretch and warp shadows, and cloak themselves in darkness to move undetected; they exploit victims’ guilt and fears, creating illusions of loved ones, past traumas, or horrifying scenarios to weaken their prey; they can for tendrils, claws, or grotesque humanoid shapes to interact physically with their environment or attack victims. They absorb victims into their shadows, leaving no trace or distorting their bodies into grotesque forms; they can move silently and remain unseen unless they choose to be noticed.
Limitations: they can’t not exist in total light; they rely on the natural darkness of their environment, their strength is cyclical, tied to specific time cycles, they grow stronger as they feed on fear and guilt, but they are weaker at the start of their manifestation period.
Weakness: direct, strong light can temporarily repel or weaken them, though they adapt over time to extinguish the source; they are less effective against groups that remain united, calm, and rational; can be contained with a specific ritual if reperformed or modified; they expend energy to create illusions or manipulate their environment which can weaken their ability to attack.
Plan/Purpose/Appetite: they seek to spread darkness and chaos, they plan to isolate, divide, and weaken the group through paranoia, fear, and guilt; they feed on fear and unresolved guilt.
ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil Established
Decades ago, a young historian ventured into a forgotten section of the building, following strange symbols etched into the walls. As shadows moved unnaturally and whispers turned into screams, his lantern failed, leaving him to face an incomprehensible entity in total darkness—an event that still haunts him to this day.Monster Reveal: the shadows move unnaturally, and whispers are heard by Edmund.
Demand: establishes an eerie tone and the sense that there’s something lurking, but its nature is entirely unknown.Horror Situation: Someone is trapped in a pitch-black room as the shadows seep in through the cracks.
Reaction: Edmund finds his way up to the top of the lighthouse and hides in the light.Connect with the Characters
The group is introduced: Stacy (the leader), Jack (the rebel), Eliza (the innocent), and others as they navigate their strained relationships and secrets in the claustrophobic, shared building. Stacy’s discovery of an old journal hints at the town’s dark history.Monster Reveal: Stacy sees a shadow twisting and moving unnaturally, but she rationalizes it as a trick of the light.
Demand: creates curiosity about whether the shadows are psychological or physical.Horror Situation: Stacy checks the building’s stairwells, freezing in terror as a shadow slowly approaches, its form twisting into her worst fear.
Reaction: denial. She brushes it off as a trick of the light because of the storm.Monster Reveal: A resident hears the voice of a loved one calling from the darkness, nearly luring them deeper.
Demand: the connection to personal guilt and unresolved emotions creates intrigue – what do the shadows want?Horror Situation: Rebecca discovers an old ritual book but hears the voices of a loved one calling for help from the darkness, almost luring her deeper.
Reaction: Deny it.The Characters Are Warned Not to Do It
The historian, Edmund, now a reclusive older man, warns Stacy that uncovering the journal’s truths could unleash something terrible. He cryptically mentions that “the darkness must not be disturbed,” but no one takes him seriously.Monster Reveal: Edmund gives a vague warning about what will come if the truth is revealed.
Demand: the cryptic warning adds urgency to solve the mystery of the moving shadows and whispered voices.Denial of Horror
The characters rationalize the growing strange occurrences as the result of the storm: flickering lights, missing people, and strange noises in the hallways are brushed off as stress and bad luck.Safety Taken Away
The building’s generator fails, plunging the entire structure into near-total darkness except the dim emergency lighting. The group realizes they're trapped with no way to contact the outside world and the storm blocking all exits.Monster Reveal: the voice of her dead son lures Tracy to her death.
Horror Situation: A shadow mimics the voice of a loved one, leading a grieving mother into danger.
Reaction: She embraces the monster.Character Death: Tracy
Why: to start the horror; she gives up on life after her son’s death
How: Gives Up (Disorientation to death: the creatures warp the environment, leading victims into endless hallways or trap-like spaces where they die of exhaustion, starvation, or insanity, all while hearing whispers of torment.)Horror Situation: A character is kidnapped by the shadows, disappearing into the walls.
Reaction: the group witnesses the group firsthand, causing panic and disbelief. Some are paralyzed with fear, while others try to find an explanation. Some flee the area.Monster Reveal: Chuck is dragged into the walls, dissolving into darkness.
Character Death: Chuck
Why: The character is in denial; as a former military officer, he doesn’t believe in anything that he can’t see with his own eyes.
How: surprised (Absorption: the creature drags victims into the shadows, where they dissolve into darkness, leaving no physical trace behind.)ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Monster: The Nature of the Beast
The shadow creatures reveal their presence subtly at first—whispering voices, distorted reflections, and shadows that move unnaturally. Their ability to manifest victims’ fears becomes horrifyingly clear when one character is lured into the dark by a shadow mimicking a loved one.Isolated / Trapped / Abducted
The group is forced to huddle in the lit areas of the building, but their limited light sources begin to fail. The creatures start dividing them by manipulating the building’s layout and isolating individuals.Horror Situation: A character is shackled by shadowy tendrils, unable to move as the others flee.
Reaction: the group fractures even more. Some hide, and some try to escape.Monster Reveal: the shadows have grown stronger and send tendrils out from the darkness to envelop and suffocate him.
Character Death: Edmund
Why: Monster made the decision because Edmund knows their history and is the only one who can stop them.
How: Surprised (Suffocation: Shadowy tendrils wrap around victims, choking the life out of them while inducing visions of their deepest fears.)One of Us Killed
The shadows claim another victim in a horrifying display, dragging them into the darkness. When the others find their remains distorted and unrecognizable, panic spreads through the group. The group runs, but one member is frozen in fear. The others try to drag her along, but she doesn’t budge. Stacy makes the decision to close the fire doors effectively cutting off the group from the members.Monster Reveal: the creatures manifest Jack’s rebellious guilt and partially consume him, leaving his distorted body behind.
Horror Situation: One character refuses to take action, leaving the others vulnerable.
Reaction: one member tries to fight while the others flee.Character Death: Jack
Why: he made a bad decision; a young, rebellious teen, Jack refuses to listen and gets trapped by himself.
How: Thrown into the monster (Distortion: victims are consumed partially, leaving grotesquely twisted, half-shadowed bodies behind as a warning to others.)MIDPOINT: The Monster is Worse Than We Thought!
Stacy uncovers the full truth: the creatures were born from an ancient ritual gone wrong, tied to the town’s collective guilt and unresolved traumas. Worse, the creatures grow stronger with every death and every ounce of fear, meaning their survival only empowers the darkness.Monster Reveal: Stacy discovers the shadows were born from an ancient ritual gone wrong, tied to collective guilt and trauma. They are manifestations of humanity’s darkest emotions.
ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR
Full Pursuit by the Killer
The shadow creatures relentlessly pursue the group, extinguishing their light sources one by one. The shadows manipulating doors, stairwells, and hallways thwart the group's attempts to find safety, turning the building into a labyrinth of terror.Monster Reveal: The shadows warp the basement into a labyrinth, trapping Anthony and Rebecca while extinguishing the lights.
Horror Situation: Two characters who are in the basement trying to get the generator going are chased through the building’s basement by shadows, unable to find the exit.
Reaction: The try to flee, but one trips and falls. They get up and try to fight the shadows.Character Death: Anthony
Why: a character flaw that compels them to take the wrong action; he will do anything to protect his wife.
How: self-sacrifice (Absorption: the creature drag victims into the shadows, where they dissolve into darkness, leaving no physical trace behind.)Horror Situation: The other person in the basement is forced to watch as a friend is consumed by the shadows.
Reaction: They hide, paralyzed by fear and guilt, unable to intervene as the shadows consume their friend.Character Death: Rebecca
Why: the monster made the decision
How: Back into it (Distortion: victims are consumed partially, leaving grotesquely twisted, half-shadowed bodies behind as a warning to others.)Terrorized
The creatures exploit each character’s personal fears and guilt, driving them to madness. Paranoia sets in as the group begins to turn on each other, unsure of who can be trusted and whether any of them can truly survive.Horror Situation: Two characters must decide who to save when the shadows approach—a heartbreaking dilemma.
Reaction: one character sacrifices himself and embraces the shadows, giving the other a chance to hide.Monster Reveal: the shadows grow deeper and darker as Patty sacrifices herself to save her friend.
Character Death: Patty
Why: A character flaw that compels them to take the wrong action
How: Charge blindly into action (Fear-induced death: the creatures manipulate victims’ minds, forcing them to relieve their worst memories or confront their greatest fears until their hearts give out or their minds shatter.)ACT 4
Fight to the Death
The group makes a desperate attempt to fight back, gathering the last of their light sources and barricading themselves in a central room. Stacy insists the only way to stop the creatures is to complete the ritual, but the group’s paranoia and growing fear cause division, and they begin to turn on each other.Hysteria
As the shadows grow stronger, the group descends into chaos. One member accuses Stacy of being the cause of everything and sabotages her efforts to perform the ritual. The creatures manipulate their paranoia, creating illusions of loved ones and past mistakes, driving the survivors to lash out at each other.The Thrilling Escape from Death
Stacy and the remaining survivors make one final attempt to reach the generator to flood the building with light. They manage to restore power briefly, creating a glimmer of hope, but the shadows adapt, extinguishing the light and plunging the building into complete darkness.Monster Reveal: After getting the generator going, the shadows quickly extinguish the lights and lure Eliza into a trap.
Horror Situation: A shadow creature pretends to retreat, luring the group into a false sense of security.
Reaction: Believing they’ve won, the survivors step out of hiding, only to be ambushed, leading to several brutal deaths.Character Death: Eliza
Why: They made a bad decision; as the town finance manager she’s been embezzling funds and neglecting upkeep on the building.
How: Escape attempt takes them into itDeath Returns to Take One or More
One by one, the remaining survivors are claimed by the shadows in increasingly horrifying and personal ways. Stacy, realizing the ritual cannot stop the creatures but only delay them, sacrifices herself to buy the others time. However, the others are too consumed by fear to act effectively and are quickly overpowered.Monster Reveal: Stacy is apparently overwhelmed by the shadows.
Horror Situation: A character faces impending doom as their flashlight dies in a shadow-infested stairwell.
Reaction: Escape and hideApparent Character Death: Stacy
Why:
How: Charges blindly into actionResolution
The storm eventually clears, and the town is eerily quiet as spring arrives. When the tunnel reopens, those who left for the winter return to find the building abandoned, with no sign of life. Inside, the rooms are marked with frozen, distorted bodies and cryptic symbols burned into the walls. Whispers echo faintly in the halls, hinting that the shadows are dormant but still present, waiting for the next intrusion into the darkness. They find Stacy hidden, barely alive.Horror Situation: The victims’ bodies are left behind, grotesquely distorted into a half-shadow form.
Reaction: The storm clears, leaving the returning townspeople horrified by the discovery of the abandoned, blood-stained building and faint whispers that hint at the shadow’s lingering presence.
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Renee’s Character Death Track
What I learned doing this assignment is how to kill off the characters methodically. Designing the character death track ahead of time will help to keep the story on track when I start writing, which will help to make the story the best it can be.
ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil Established
Decades ago, a young historian ventured into a forgotten section of the building, following strange symbols etched into the walls. As shadows moved unnaturally and whispers turned into screams, his lantern failed, leaving him to face an incomprehensible entity in total darkness—an event that still haunts him to this day.Horror Situation: Someone is trapped in a pitch-black room as the shadows seep in through the cracks.
Reaction: Edmund finds his way up to the top of the lighthouse and hides in the light.
Connect with the Characters
The group is introduced: Stacy (the leader), Jack (the rebel), Eliza (the innocent), and others as they navigate their strained relationships and secrets in the claustrophobic, shared building. Stacy’s discovery of an old journal hints at the town’s dark history.Horror Situation: Stacy checks the building’s stairwells, freezing in terror as a shadow slowly approaches, its form twisting into her worst fear. Reaction: denial. She brushes it off as a trick of the light because of the storm.
Horror Situation: One of the residents discovers an old ritual book but hears the voices of a loved one calling for help from the darkness, almost luring her deeper.
Reaction: try to solve it. They cautiously investigate the sound but retreat in fear when the voices grow louder and more menacing.
The Characters Are Warned Not to Do It
The historian, Edmund, now a reclusive older man, warns Stacy that uncovering the journal’s truths could unleash something terrible. He cryptically mentions that “the darkness must not be disturbed,” but no one takes him seriously.Denial of Horror
The characters rationalize the growing strange occurrences as the result of the storm: flickering lights, missing people, and strange noises in the hallways are brushed off as stress and bad luck.Safety Taken Away
The building’s generator fails, plunging the entire structure into near-total darkness except the dim emergency lighting. The group realizes they're trapped with no way to contact the outside world and the storm blocking all exits.Horror Situation: A shadow mimics the voice of a loved one, leading a grieving mother into danger.
Reaction: She embraces the monster.
Character Death: Tracy
Why: to start the horror; she gives up on life after her son’s death
How: Gives Up (Disorientation to death: the creatures warp the environment, leading victims into endless hallways or trap-like spaces where they die of exhaustion, starvation, or insanity, all while hearing whispers of torment.)Horror Situation: A character is kidnapped by the shadows, disappearing into the walls.
Reaction: the group witnesses the group firsthand, causing panic and disbelief. Some are paralyzed with fear, while others try to find an explanation. Some flee the area.
Character Death: Chuck
Why: The character is in denial; as a former military officer, he doesn’t believe in anything that he can’t see with his own eyes.
How: surprised (Absorption: the creature drags victims into the shadows, where they dissolve into darkness, leaving no physical trace behind.)ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Monster: The Nature of the Beast
The shadow creatures reveal their presence subtly at first—whispering voices, distorted reflections, and shadows that move unnaturally. Their ability to manifest victims’ fears becomes horrifyingly clear when one character is lured into the dark by a shadow mimicking a loved one.Isolated / Trapped / Abducted
The group is forced to huddle in the lit areas of the building, but their limited light sources begin to fail. The creatures start dividing them by manipulating the building’s layout and isolating individuals.Horror Situation: A character is shackled by shadowy tendrils, unable to move as the others flee.
Reaction: the group fractures even more. Some hide, and some try to escape.
Character Death: Edmund
Why: Monster made the decision because Edmund knows their history and is the only one who can stop them.
How: Surprised (Suffocation: Shadowy tendrils wrap around victims, choking the life out of them while inducing visions of their deepest fears.)One of Us Killed
The shadows claim another victim in a horrifying display, dragging them into the darkness. When the others find their remains distorted and unrecognizable, panic spreads through the group. The group runs, but one member is frozen in fear. The others try to drag her along, but she doesn’t budge. Stacy makes the decision to close the fire doors effectively cutting off the group from the members.Horror Situation: One character refuses to take action, leaving the others vulnerable.
Reaction: one member tries to fight while the others flee.
Character Death: Jack
Why: made a bad decision; a young rebellious teen, Jack refuses to listen and gets trapped by himself.
How: Thrown into the monster (Distortion: victims are consumed partially, leaving grotesquely twisted, half-shadowed bodies behind as a warning to others.)MIDPOINT: The Monster is Worse Than We Thought!
Stacy uncovers the full truth: the creatures were born from an ancient ritual gone wrong, tied to the town’s collective guilt and unresolved traumas. Worse, the creatures grow stronger with every death and every ounce of fear, meaning their survival only empowers the darkness.ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR
Full Pursuit by the Killer
The shadow creatures relentlessly pursue the group, extinguishing their light sources one by one. The shadows manipulating doors, stairwells, and hallways thwart the group's attempts to find safety, turning the building into a labyrinth of terror.Horror Situation: Two characters who are in the basement trying to get the generator going are chased through the building’s basement by shadows, unable to find the exit.
Reaction: The try to flee, but one trips and falls. They get up and try to fight the shadows.
Character Death: Anthony
Why: a character flaw that compels them to take the wrong action; he will do anything to protect his wife.
How: self-sacrifice (Absorption: the creature drag victims into the shadows, where they dissolve into darkness, leaving no physical trace behind.)Horror Situation: The other person in the basement is forced to watch as a friend is consumed by the shadows.
Reaction: They hide, paralyzed by fear and guilt, unable to intervene as the shadows consume their friend.
Character Death: Rebecca
Why: the monster made the decision
How: Back into it (Distortion: victims are consumed partially, leaving grotesquely twisted, half-shadowed bodies behind as a warning to others.)Terrorized
The creatures exploit each character’s personal fears and guilt, driving them to madness. Paranoia sets in as the group begins to turn on each other, unsure of who can be trusted and whether any of them can truly survive.Horror Situation: Two characters must decide who to save when the shadows approach—a heartbreaking dilemma.
Reaction: one character sacrifices himself and embraces the shadows, giving the other a chance to hide.
Character Death: Patty
Why: A character flaw that compels them to take the wrong action
How: Charge blindly into action (Fear-induced death: the creatures manipulate victims’ minds, forcing them to relieve their worst memories or confront their greatest fears until their hearts give out or their minds shatter.)ACT 4
Fight to the Death
The group makes a desperate attempt to fight back, gathering the last of their light sources and barricading themselves in a central room. Stacy insists the only way to stop the creatures is to complete the ritual, but the group’s paranoia and growing fear cause division, and they begin to turn on each other.Hysteria
As the shadows grow stronger, the group descends into chaos. One member accuses Stacy of being the cause of everything and sabotages her efforts to perform the ritual. The creatures manipulate their paranoia, creating illusions of loved ones and past mistakes, driving the survivors to lash out at each other.The Thrilling Escape from Death
Stacy and the remaining survivors make one final attempt to reach the generator to flood the building with light. They manage to restore power briefly, creating a glimmer of hope, but the shadows adapt, extinguishing the light and plunging the building into complete darkness.Horror Situation: A shadow creature pretends to retreat, luring the group into a false sense of security.
Reaction: Believing they’ve won, the survivors step out of hiding, only to be ambushed, leading to several brutal deaths.
Character Death: Eliza
Why: They made a bad decision; as the town finance manager she’s been embezzling funds and neglecting upkeep on the building.
How: Escape attempt takes them into itDeath Returns to Take One or More
One by one, the remaining survivors are claimed by the shadows in increasingly horrifying and personal ways. Stacy, realizing the ritual cannot stop the creatures but only delay them, sacrifices herself to buy the others time. However, the others are too consumed by fear to act effectively and are quickly overpowered.Horror Situation: A character faces impending doom as their flashlight dies in a shadow-infested stairwell.
Reaction: Escape and hide
Apparent Character Death: Stacy
Why:
How: Charges blindly into actionResolution
The storm eventually clears, and the town is eerily quiet as spring arrives. When the tunnel reopens, those who left for the winter return to find the building abandoned, with no sign of life. Inside, the rooms are marked with frozen, distorted bodies and cryptic symbols burned into the walls. Whispers echo faintly in the halls, hinting that the shadows are dormant but still present, waiting for the next intrusion into the darkness. They find Stacy hidden, barely alive.Horror Situation: The victims’ bodies are left behind, grotesquely distorted into a half-shadow form.
Reaction: The storm clears, leaving the returning townspeople horrified by the discovery of the abandoned, blood-stained building and faint whispers that hint at the shadow’s lingering presence.
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Renee’s Horror Situation Track
What I learned doing this assignment is how to methodically structure my outline by thinking about the horror situations my characters will encounter and how they react to those situations.
ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil Established
Decades ago, a young historian ventured into a forgotten section of the building, following strange symbols etched into the walls. As shadows moved unnaturally and whispers turned into screams, his lantern failed, leaving him to face an incomprehensible entity in total darkness—an event that still haunts him to this day.Horror Situation: Someone is trapped in a pitch-black room as the shadows seep in through the cracks. Reaction: Edmund finds his way up to the top of the lighthouse and hides in the light.
Connect with the Characters
The group is introduced: Stacy (the leader), Jack (the rebel), Eliza (the innocent), and others as they navigate their strained relationships and secrets in the claustrophobic, shared building. Stacy’s discovery of an old journal hints at the town’s dark history.Horror Situation: Stacy checks the building’s stairwells, freezing in terror as a shadow slowly approaches, its form twisting into her worst fear. Reaction: denial. She brushes it off as a trick of the light because of the storm.
Horror Situation: One of the residents discovers an old ritual book but hears the voices of a loved one calling for help from the darkness, almost luring her deeper. Reaction: try to solve it. They cautiously investigate the sound but retreat in fear when the voices grow louder and more menacing.
The Characters Are Warned Not to Do It
The historian, Edmund, now a reclusive older man, warns Stacy that uncovering the journal’s truths could unleash something terrible. He cryptically mentions that “the darkness must not be disturbed,” but no one takes him seriously.Denial of Horror
The characters rationalize the growing strange occurrences as the result of the storm: flickering lights, missing people, and strange noises in the hallways are brushed off as stress and bad luck.Safety Taken Away
The building’s generator fails, plunging the entire structure into near-total darkness except the dim emergency lighting. The group realizes they're trapped with no way to contact the outside world and the storm blocking all exits.Horror Situation: A shadow mimics the voice of a loved one, leading a grieving mother into danger.
Reaction: She embraces the monster.
Horror Situation: A character is kidnapped by the shadows, disappearing into the walls.
Reaction: the group witnesses the group firsthand, causing panic and disbelief. Some are paralyzed with fear, while others try to find an explanation. Some flee the area.
ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Monster: The Nature of the Beast
The shadow creatures reveal their presence subtly at first—whispering voices, distorted reflections, and shadows that move unnaturally. Their ability to manifest victims’ fears becomes horrifyingly clear when one character is lured into the dark by a shadow mimicking a loved one.Isolated / Trapped / Abducted
The group is forced to huddle in the lit areas of the building, but their limited light sources begin to fail. The creatures start dividing them by manipulating the building’s layout and isolating individuals.Horror Situation: Shadows infiltrate the group, mimicking a member’s voice or appearance to sow distrust.
Reaction: try to solve it.
One of Us Killed
The shadows claim their first victim in a horrifying display, dragging them into the darkness. When the others find their remains distorted and unrecognizable, panic spreads through the group.Horror Situation: A character is shackled by shadowy tendrils, unable to move as the others flee.
Reaction: the group fractures even more. Some hide and some try to escape.
Horror Situation: One character refuses to take action, leaving the others vulnerable.
Reaction: one member tries to fight while the others flee.
MIDPOINT: The Monster is Worse Than We Thought!
Stacy uncovers the full truth: the creatures were born from an ancient ritual gone wrong, tied to the town’s collective guilt and unresolved traumas. Worse, the creatures grow stronger with every death and every ounce of fear, meaning their survival only empowers the darkness.ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR
Full Pursuit by the Killer
The shadow creatures relentlessly pursue the group, extinguishing their light sources one by one. The shadows manipulating doors, stairwells, and hallways thwart the group's attempts to find safety, turning the building into a labyrinth of terror.Horror Situation: Two characters who are in the basement trying to get the generator going are chased through the building’s basement by shadows, unable to find the exit.
Reaction: The try to flee, but one trips and falls. They get up and try to fight the shadows.
Horror Situation: The other person in the basement is forced to watch as a friend is consumed by the shadows.
Reaction: They hide, paralyzed by fear and guilt, unable to intervene as the shadows consume their friend.
Terrorized
The creatures exploit each character’s personal fears and guilt, driving them to madness. Paranoia sets in as the group begins to turn on each other, unsure of who can be trusted and whether any of them can truly survive.Horror Situation: Two characters must decide who to save when the shadows approach—a heartbreaking dilemma.
Reaction: one character sacrifices himself and embraces the shadows giving the other a chance to hide.
ACT 4
Fight to the Death
The group makes a desperate attempt to fight back, gathering the last of their light sources and barricading themselves in a central room. Stacy insists the only way to stop the creatures is to complete the ritual, but the group’s paranoia and growing fear cause division, and they begin to turn on each other.Hysteria
As the shadows grow stronger, the group descends into chaos. One member accuses Stacy of being the cause of everything and sabotages her efforts to perform the ritual. The creatures manipulate their paranoia, creating illusions of loved ones and past mistakes, driving the survivors to lash out at each other.The Thrilling Escape from Death
Stacy and the remaining survivors make one final attempt to reach the generator to flood the building with light. They manage to restore power briefly, creating a glimmer of hope, but the shadows adapt, extinguishing the light and plunging the building into complete darkness.Horror Situation: A shadow creature pretends to retreat, luring the group into a false sense of security.
Reaction: Believing they’ve won, the survivors step out of hiding, only to be ambushed, leading to several brutal deaths.
Death Returns to Take One or More
One by one, the remaining survivors are claimed by the shadows in increasingly horrifying and personal ways. Stacy, realizing the ritual cannot stop the creatures but only delay them, sacrifices herself to buy the others time. However, the others are too consumed by fear to act effectively and are quickly overpowered.Horror Situation: A character faces impending doom as their flashlight dies in a shadow-infested stairwell.
Reaction: The only one left, she quickly leaves a note, then turns and fights the creatures.
Resolution
The storm eventually clears, and the town is eerily quiet as spring arrives. When the tunnel reopens, those who left for the winter return to find the building abandoned, with no sign of life. Inside, the rooms are marked with frozen, distorted bodies and cryptic symbols burned into the walls. Whispers echo faintly in the halls, hinting that the shadows are dormant but still present, waiting for the next intrusion into the darkness.Horror Situation: The victims’ bodies are left behind, grotesquely distorted into a half-shadow form.
Reaction: The storm clears, leaving the returning townspeople horrified by the discovery of the abandoned, blood-stained building and faint whispers that hint at the shadow’s lingering presence.
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Renee’s Horror Plot
What I learned from this assignment is how much work needs to go into creating a terrifying horror script. I now know how important it is to think about the horror that will befall the characters in a more organized way.
ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil Established
Decades ago, a young historian ventured into a forgotten section of the building, following strange symbols etched into the walls. As shadows moved unnaturally and whispers turned into screams, his lantern failed, leaving him to face an incomprehensible entity in total darkness—an event that still haunts him to this day.Connect with the Characters
The group is introduced: Stacy (the leader), Jack (the rebel), Eliza (the innocent), and others as they navigate their strained relationships and secrets in the claustrophobic, shared building. Stacy’s discovery of an old journal hints at the town’s dark history.The Characters Are Warned Not to Do It
The historian, now a reclusive older man, warns Stacy that uncovering the journal’s truths could unleash something terrible. He cryptically mentions that “the darkness must not be disturbed,” but no one takes him seriously.Denial of Horror
The characters rationalize the growing strange occurrences as the result of the storm: flickering lights, missing people, and strange noises in the hallways are brushed off as stress and bad luck.Safety Taken Away
The building’s generator fails, plunging the entire structure into near-total darkness. The group realizes they're trapped with no way to contact the outside world and the storm blocking all exits.Monster: The Nature of the Beast
The shadow creatures reveal their presence subtly at first—whispering voices, distorted reflections, and shadows that move unnaturally. Their ability to manifest victims’ fears becomes horrifyingly clear when one character is lured into the dark by a shadow mimicking a loved one.ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted
The group is forced to huddle in the lit areas of the building, but their limited light sources begin to fail. The creatures start dividing them by manipulating the building’s layout and isolating individuals.One of Us Killed
The shadows claim their first victim in a horrifying display, dragging them into the darkness. When the others find their remains, distorted and unrecognizable, panic spreads through the group.MIDPOINT: The Monster is Worse Than We Thought!
Stacy uncovers the full truth: the creatures were born from an ancient ritual gone wrong, tied to the town’s collective guilt and unresolved traumas. Worse, the creatures grow stronger with every death and every ounce of fear, meaning their survival only empowers the darkness.Full Pursuit by the Killer
The shadow creatures relentlessly pursue the group, extinguishing their light sources one by one. The group’s attempts to find safety are thwarted by the shadows manipulating doors, stairwells, and hallways, turning the building into a labyrinth of terror.Terrorized
The creatures exploit each character’s personal fears and guilt, driving them to madness. Paranoia sets in as the group begins to turn on each other, unsure of who can be trusted and whether any of them can truly survive.ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the Death
The group makes a desperate attempt to fight back, gathering the last of their light sources and barricading themselves in a central room. Stacy insists the only way to stop the creatures is to complete the ritual, but the group’s paranoia and growing fear cause division, and they begin to turn on each other.Hysteria
As the shadows grow stronger, the group descends into chaos. One member accuses Stacy of being the cause of everything and sabotages her efforts to perform the ritual. The creatures manipulate their paranoia, creating illusions of loved ones and past mistakes, driving the survivors to lash out at each other.The Thrilling Escape from Death
Stacy and the remaining survivors make one final attempt to reach the generator to flood the building with light. They manage to restore power briefly, creating a glimmer of hope, but the shadows adapt, extinguishing the light and plunging the building into complete darkness.Death Returns to Take One or More
One by one, the remaining survivors are claimed by the shadows in increasingly horrifying and personal ways. Stacy, realizing the ritual cannot stop the creatures but only delay them, sacrifices herself to buy the others time. However, the others are too consumed by fear to act effectively and are quickly overpowered.Resolution
The storm eventually clears, and the town is eerily quiet as spring arrives. When the tunnel reopens, those who left for the winter return to find the building abandoned, with no sign of life. Inside, the rooms are marked with frozen, distorted bodies and cryptic symbols burned into the walls. Whispers echo faintly in the halls, hinting that the shadows are dormant but still present, waiting for the next intrusion into the darkness. -
Renee’s Characters for Horror
From this assignment, I learned how important it is to select the survivors and victims in a horror script that matches the concept. Before, I would pick characters based on nothing in particular. Now I see that you have to be deliberate in making sure you have characters that the audience can connect with so that the horror they are experiencing will feel real.
Concept: When a freak blizzard blankets Whittier, Alaska, in perpetual darkness, the town's residents are stalked by shadow creatures that manifest their deepest fears and grow stronger with each kill.
Dying Pattern: A
Character Group:
The Leader: Without hesitation, Stacy takes charge, determined to protect the group, but every decision weighs heavily on her, as the fear of failing yet another group of people gnaws at her resolve. (grieving mother)
The Rebel / Rule Breaker: Jack thrives on defiance, questioning every order and charging headfirst into danger, all to prove that no one—not even the shadows—can control him.
The Innocent: Eliza clings to hope, offering comfort and support to the group, even as the shadows twist her optimism into a crushing sense of futility.
The Complainer: Mark grumbles and second-guesses every decision, his paranoia driving him to hoard resources and accuse others of being the real threat. (former military officer)
The Carrier (The One Who Brings the Horror): Edmund knows he’s responsible for unleashing the darkness, but his guilt fuels his determination to find answers—even if it means uncovering truths no one wants to face. (reclusive historian)
The Sacrificial Lamb: Elias volunteers to check the power generator, his bravery a stark contrast to the terror that follows when the shadows claim him in the first horrific death.
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Renee’s Terrifying Monster
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about the best way to craft the most terrifying creature for the story. Considering how they terrorize the characters and the mystery behind the monster helps to flesh out the story a bit more. I’ve always enjoyed figuring out what the creature looks like but have never thought about the rules for the monsters.
Tell us what or who your monster is: shadow creaturesGive us a few sentences for each of the following for your monster:
Their Terror: The shadow creatures are manipulative predators that weaponize fear, guilt, and paranoia, breaking their victims psychologically before delivering a fatal blow. They exploit darkness to create an ever-present sense of dread, mimicking voices, distorting perceptions, and manifesting as deeply personal fears or traumas. Ubiquitous and inescapable, they move with the shadows, extinguish light sources, and warp environments to isolate victims, feeding on fear and vulnerability while corrupting their prey into part of their own growing darkness.
Their Mystery: The shadow creatures are ancient entities born from the town's collective guilt and unresolved traumas, bound to the perpetual darkness by a failed ritual meant to protect Whittier from an "eternal winter." To survive, the characters must uncover the truth about the ritual and confront their deepest fears, as only those who face their inner darkness can weaken the creatures' power. The ultimate puzzle lies in rewriting the ritual—not to banish the shadows but to balance light and dark, forcing the creatures into dormancy.
Their Fear Provoking Appearance: The shadow creatures are grotesque, ever-shifting entities of liquid darkness, their jagged edges glitching unnaturally as they move. Their blank, void-like faces morph into twisted masks of guilt, fear, or loss, reflecting their victims’ deepest traumas. Tendrils lash out from their bodies, suffocating and enveloping their prey, while claw-like extensions and ironic, fear-based forms turn each encounter into a personal nightmare. Silent yet relentless, they are the embodiment of darkness, impossible to escape and horrifyingly intimate in their terror.
Their Rules: The shadow creatures thrive in darkness, feeding on fear, guilt, and vulnerability, growing stronger as their victims succumb to terror. They manipulate light, space, and perception, creating illusions and warping reality to isolate and break their prey psychologically before delivering a fatal blow. While light temporarily repels them, it cannot destroy them; they are eternal, bound to human fear and guilt, ensuring their presence lingers in every shadow.
Their Mythology: The shadow creatures are remnants of an ancient ritual gone wrong, intended to protect Whittier from an eternal winter but instead binding the town to perpetual darkness. Born from the collective guilt and buried traumas of its people, the creatures are both a punishment and a reflection of humanity’s darkest fears. Their true origin, tied to an ancient, unseen force lurking beneath the town, remains shrouded in mystery, hinting that the darkness is far more sentient—and far more malevolent—than anyone realizes.
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What I learned doing this assignment what is needed to create a good horror film. There needs to be high tension to keep the audience engaged and you need to force the characters into isolation, whether that is physical isolation, emotional isolation, or mental isolation.
Title/Concept:
Bird Box – Five years after an ominous unseen presence decimates society, a survivor and her two children make a desperate bid to reach safety.Isolation:
– The three characters are the only ones left on Earth.
– Several people lock themselves in a house.
– The protagonist is alone on a boat in the middle of the river with two kids.Death:
– Millions die in the beginning due to what the news considers mass suicide.
– The protagonist’s sister purposely crashes the car and then steps in front of a garbage truck.
– A lady who tries to help her walks into a burning car.
– A couple in the house leave to try and get their kids who are out there.
– Greg is trying to see if they can watch through a monitor and not be affected but ends up killing himself even though he was tied to a chair to prevent his death.
– She ends up killing the man in the river that attacked her.Monster/Villain:
Creatures that attack when you look at them, leaving the remaining population to have to navigate their world with blindfolds.High Tension:
– A woman is trying to make it to a “populated” location with two children.
– People start acting crazy and trying to kill themselves when the protagonist is at an OBGYN appointment.
– The protagonist is in the boat with the kids and trying to reach someone on the radio when there is movement outside the makeshift cover.
– Someone shows up at the door. One member doesn’t want to let them in; the others want to help.
– There’s someone in the river. Are they good? Are they bad?
– They decide to leave the safety of the house to go to a grocery store.Departure from Reality:
Some unknown creature causes people to go crazy and kill themselves, leaving the survivors to figure out ways to live.Moral Statement:
People’s inability to connectEndless Nights
Concept: When a freak blizzard blankets Whittier, Alaska, in perpetual darkness, the town's residents are stalked by shadow creatures that manifest their deepest fears and grow stronger with each kill.
Terrorize The Characters: manifesting personal fears, stalking in the darkness, stealing light, feeding on fear, isolating victims, mimicry and deception, physical harm, infecting the mind, collective terror
Isolation: Whittier, Alaska, is a town where all the residents live in the same building, a former military housing unit. In the winter, the one road leading in and out of town is closed because driving in the snow and ice is too dangerous.
Death: voices mimicking their loved ones lure characters into the shadows, where the creatures manipulate victims into harming themselves or becoming part of the shadows, being suffocated by the shadows.
Monster/Villain: Shadow beings that take shape from the victims' worst fears, becoming more corporeal and powerful as the victims succumb to terror.
High Tension: the light runs out, they have to cross the hallway of death for much needed supplies, the safe room isn’t safe, someone gets trapped in the elevator, a child’s voice calls for help from deep within the dark, they are tricked into sacrificing one of their own for a chance at escape.
Departure from Reality: your deepest, darkest secrets and fears manifest in real life
Moral Statement: the balance between light and dark, hope and despair, duality and choice. -
I, Renee Miller agree to the following:
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by Renee Miller.
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This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by
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Hi! I’m Renee, and I’m an optioned screenwriter from Colorado. I have six completed features, and one completed TV pilot. This was one of the first ScreenwritingU classes that I took back in 2017 so I’m hoping to refresh my knowledge and skill as a horror writer.
Something unique about me is that as a kid I was a member of the Junior Olympic Archery Program and was training to go to the 1992 Summer Olympics in Barcelona but I ended up getting a compound fracture in my dominate wrist and had to quit the sport. -
Renee’s Banter / Flirting / Expressions
Banter Scene
INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYM – DAY
Banners and old props from school days past fill the gymnasium, its age apparent from the fading and chipping paint. Sarah and Mike rummage through dusty boxes looking for decorations.
Mike is elbow deep in a box of old banners, streamers, and decorations from dances past. He pulls out a “CLASS of ‘95” banner and holds it up to her.
MIKE
After graduation, I never thought I’d see you again. But here we are 25 years later. Who would have thought we’d be teaming up again.
SARAH
Yeah, life is … full of surprises.
An uncomfortable silence fills the room. Mike puts the banner down and takes a step closer to Sarah.
MIKE
Sarah, about what happened at prom – I never got the chance to tell you…I didn’t do what they said I did. I never cheated on you. I swear. I loved you.
Sarah’s breath hitches. She flashes him a pained smile.
SARAH
It’s been a long time, Mike. I think it’d be best if we leave the past in the past and just focus on the reunion, okay?
Mike nods, crestfallen. He looks at her, hoping to find someway to bridge the gap between them. Mike looks down at the table and spots a familiar photo. He grabs it and looks at it more closely.
MIKE
Remember this dance? We argued about the playlist for a week. You almost banned all my band’s songs.
Sarah looks over at the photo and lets out a small laugh.
SARAH
Your band’s songs were…an acquired taste. But, you were right about one thing – everyone loved them that night.
MIKE
You were always the one who knew how to get people moving, even if it was away from the snack table to avoid your experimental baking.
Sarah chuckles, raising an eyebrow.
SARAH
Experimental? That cake was avant-garde. Besides, how many people can say they’ve tasted a…blue raspberry chocolate cake?
MIKE
I stand corrected. Avant-guard indeed. You always were ahead of your time, Sarah.
The mood lightens. Mike nudges a box of decorations toward her.
MIKE
So, think we can make this reunion less dramatic than our prom?
Sarah finally looks up at him. He notices a small glimpse of the old spark in her eyes. He smiles.
SARAH
We can try. But I’m not making any promises about the playlist or the cake this time.
MIKE
Fair enough. And hey, if we pull this off, maybe it’ll be a new start…for the high school and the town, I mean.
SARAH
A new start could be great, Mike. For the high school and town.
They turn their focus back to the task at hand.
Flirting Scene
INT. HIGH SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY
The once bustling hub of student activity now wears a coat of neglect. Fluorescent lights flicker sporadically above, casting uneven shadows over the worn linoleum floors.
Shelves that once held rows of brightly colored books are sparse, with many volumes missing or faded from years of use.
Sarah and Mike sit around a cluttered table with DJ, the cheerful class clown turned local radio celebrity, and LIZ, the ever efficient yet slightly bossy former class treasurer.
DJ
So, we’re agreed on the ‘90s theme, right? I can get the music, but I’m telling you, no one wants to hear grunge all night.
Liz reaches across the table and grabs a sheet of paper. She studies it, then places it a pile of other documents.
LIZ
Absolutely not. We need variety. Sarah, what do you think? You always had good taste.
SARAH
How about we start with grunge for the arrival, switch to pop and dance hits later. Keep everyone energized.
Mike, watches Sarah, then leans in.
MIKE
And when exactly will you grace the dance floor? I need to prepare my camera.
Sarah looks up, caught off guard. She gives him a wry smile, amused.
SARAH
Oh, planning to document my moves, Henderson?
MIKE
Hey, historical documentation. Future generations need to know about your legendary dance skills. Plus, I still owe you a dance from prom.
DJ laughs. Liz looks between the two and rolls her eyes.
DJ
Man, if we’re bringing up old debts, I still owe you for having to save me from that dance with –
LIZ
Focus, people. We’re not here to rehash every high school dance.
MIKE
Ignore her. So, about that dance – should I be scared.
SARAH
Terrified. I’ve only gotten better with age.
Mike gives her a wide, appreciative grin.
MIKE
Well, then I’m looking forward to it. And maybe, if you’re lucky, I’ll show you my secret move.
SARAH
Is it legal?
MIKE
Mostly. But it does require a partner. Any volunteers?
Sarah laughs, shaking her head but clearly entertained. Their eyes meet and there’s a brief moment of silent communication. Liz claps her hands together, startling everyone.
LIZ
Okay, lovebirds, back to work. Let’s not forget what will happen to this high school and in return this town if the reunion isn’t successful. We have a lot to do still, so let’s get to it.
DJ chuckles.
DJ
Same old Liz.
Mike and Sarah look at each other one last time before ducking their heads and getting back to work.
Emotional Love Scene
EXT. FARMHOUSE – DAY
Sarah and Mike pull up into a small parking area in front of a quaint farmhouse. Back a bit further is a barn that looks a little worse for ware. Mike gets out of the car and heads up to the farmhouse.
The door opens and a friendly GRANDMOTHER, mid 70s, steps out and greets her. Sarah reluctantly steps out of the car. Mike shakes her hand and bounds off the steps to Sarah.
MIKE
She said we can go ahead and take a look at the barn. We just need to let her know when we leave.
Without a word, Sarah turns and starts toward the barn. Mike sighs and hurries after her. The reach the barn and Mike heaves open the door. They step inside.
INT BARN – DAY
Sarah looks around, disappointment evident on her face. The walls show their age and the ladder to the hay loft is broken, hanging by a rotting piece of wood. Mike moves past her, surveying the area.
SARAH
This would be perfect if it didn’t look like it was about to collapse.
Mike scoffs.
MIKE
Maybe if we had a bigger budget, we could afford something that’s not on the verge of collapse.
SARAH
I know, Mike. I’m just…it’s been a long day.
Mike
But I’m pretty handy and I’m sure we could get some of the guys that are still in the area to help spruce it up a bit.
Sarah looks at him and turns to leave.
SARAH
I don’t think any amount of paint is going to fix this place.
She walks out the door. Mike’s shoulders sag and his head drops in disappointment. He takes one last look around, then jogs toward the door.
EXT. FARMHOUSE – DAY
Dark clouds roll across the sky. Mike looks around and spots Sarah heading toward the small lake at the back of the property. She stops at the edge and stares up at the sky. Mike comes up behind her slowly.
MIKE
Sarah, are you alright?
Sarah shakes her head and let’s out a bitter laugh.
SARAH
Yeah, Mike. I’m fine. I’m always fine.
The wind picks up around them, whipping Sarah’s hair about her face.
MIKE
Look, whatever it is, you can talk to me.
Sarah turns and looks at him a sad smile on her face.
SARAH
You’re the last person I want to talk to about this.
Lightning splits the sky. The winds become fiercer. Large rain drops fall to the sky. Mike looks up, concerned.
MIKE
We need to find cover.
He looks around the area. The barn is too far away, but there, a small gazebo. He grabs Sarah’s hand and drags her toward the gazebo. The sky opens up and within seconds they are drenched. Thunder booms overhead.
They reach the gazebo, both dripping wet and breathing heavily. Sarah, annoyed, pulls her wet hair back.
SARAH
Perfect, just perfect. Another day ruined by unforeseen circumstances.
MIKE
At least it’s not a snowstorm, right? It can always be worse.
She gives him a not-amused look – are you kidding me? A tense moment passes, then Sarah cracks a reluctant smile.
SARAH
Yeah, or a swarm of locusts. Guess we should count our blessings.
The wind howls around them and the gazebo creaks. They sit down, facing each other, both reluctant to be the first to speak. Mike picks at a thread on his pants.
MIKE
Sarah, about your…finance. That took everyone by surprise. You okay?
Sarah looks away, her face hardening. She takes a breath and looks back at him, her expression softening.
SARAH
I don’t want to talk about him. It’s…complicated.
MIKE
Got it. No pressure. Just didn’t like seeing you that upset.
Silence falls between them. The rain pounds rhythmically on the roof of the gazebo, filling the silence between them.
SARAH
Thank you Mike I…I appreciate you, you know? Always looking out for me, even after everything.
MIKE
Sarah, no matter what happens, I’m here for you. Always have been.
Sarah meets his gaze, a mix of old affection and new-found respect evident in her eyes.
SARAH
I’ve missed this…us. I was so caught up in everything else, I forgot how much I relied on…how much I missed having you in my life.
MIKE
Well, I’m not going anywhere. And hey, we’ve weathered worse storms than this, right?
They laugh, the tension melting away as they reminisce. The storm begins to lessen. The world beyond the gazebo has become a soft, washed-out painting.
SARAH
Let’s make a promise not to lose touch again after the reunion. No more running, no more hiding from what we want…from what I want.
Mike reaches across and takes her hand. She squeezes it, he returns the gesture, his grip firm and reassuring.
MIKE
No more running, I’m right here, Sarah. Always.
They sit in silence, hands clasped, watching the rain slow to a drizzle. -
Renee’s Romance Emotions Part 2
What I learned doing this assignment is how to use the emotions of love to create a connection between my characters and the audience.Act 1: Setup
Betrayal: Inciting Incident: The betrayal comes early when Sarah overhears a friend talking about hooking up with Mike while she is away at the state soccer championships. This revelation shatters her trust and hopes, leading to their breakup at the prom. Mike is left heartbroken, feeling betrayed by the rumor and its timing, casting a long shadow over his feelings.
Act 2: Escalation
Anger: Midpoint Turning Point: Sarah’s ex showing up and claiming they are engaged is a massive violation of her current emotional state and autonomy. This sparks anger in Sarah towards her ex for his deceit and manipulation, disrupting the reunion planning and her rekindling feelings for Mike.
Passion: Attraction/Flirting: As Sarah and Mike work closely on the reunion, old sparks reignite. The buildup of their rediscovered compatibility and shared goals culminates in a passionate moment. This could be a spontaneous dance rehearsal that turns intimate or a heated argument that flips into a passionate embrace, driven by the fear of losing what they are rediscovering.
Act 3: Complications and Higher Stakes
Obsession: Separation/Forced Together: After the venue burns down and they spend intense time together, Mike becomes increasingly obsessed with the idea that he cannot lose Sarah again. His thoughts are dominated by visions of a life with her, fueled by their day spent scouting new venues and the intimacy of their heart-to-heart conversations. This obsession pushes him to reconsider his earlier resignation about their potential future.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Love: Mike’s Acceptance and Growth / Sarah’s Demonstrate the Change: True love is demonstrated when Mike decides to pursue Sarah to London, showing he's ready to leave his comfort zone for her. Similarly, Sarah's decision to balance her career with her relationship when Mike shows up and her acceptance of their past and potential future together shows a mature, evolved love. They both sacrifice their previous boundaries and fears to commit to a life together, embracing all aspects of each other’s lives.
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Renee’s Romance Emotions Part 1
What I learned doing this assignment is how to build the emotions of love into the structure of the story to ensure the audienceAct 1: Setup
Attraction: During the freak storm at a high school event, Mike creates a makeshift shelter, which Sarah joins him in. Their initial attraction is sparked by their immediate responses to the crisis—Mike’s quick thinking and resourcefulness appeal to Sarah, while her willingness to jump in and help with the setup shows her proactive nature. This scenario fosters an environment where they appreciate each other's traits, leading to mutual admiration. Their connection is highlighted through shared smiles, laughter at the situation's absurdity, and a sense of teamwork as they manage the shelter together.Act 2: Escalation
Desire: Attraction/Flirting: As they work together on the reunion planning, particularly when discussing decorations and selecting music, their past chemistry reignites. They find themselves drawn to one another, not just physically but emotionally, as they discover their goals and dreams have aligned more than they realized since high school.Yearning: Plan in Action/Denial: Despite the clear chemistry, Sarah remains focused on her career, leading to a yearning from both sides. Mike yearns for a deeper connection, reflecting on what might be if Sarah chose to stay. Sarah, though denying it, starts to feel a pull towards what life with Mike could offer, contrasting with her current lifestyle.
Doubt: Midpoint Turning Point: After her ex’s dramatic claim of engagement and the subsequent fire, Sarah starts to doubt her worth in relationships, wondering if her life choices have made her undesirable or unsuitable for a fulfilling personal life, especially compared to Mike’s apparent simplicity and contentment.
Jealousy: Mike’s Major Conflict/Obstacle: Seeing Sarah’s ex assert himself as her fiancé sparks jealousy in Mike, combined with his feelings of inadequacy. This not only causes emotional turmoil but also pushes him to reconsider his passive stance in both his personal and professional life.
Act 3: Complications and Higher Stakes
Desire: Separation/Forced Together: Forced to spend a day together visiting potential new locations, their desire is rekindled amid shared challenges and close quarters, reminding them of their deep compatibility and the potential for a future together.Yearning: Working through Issues/Differences: Their heartfelt conversations about past mistakes and current fears amplify the yearning as they both realize how much they’ve missed and needed each other’s presence and support in their lives.
Doubt: Hate/Betrayal/All Hope is Lost: When Sarah overhears Mike expressing doubts about her commitment to anything beyond her career, it fuels her own doubts, not just about their relationship but also about her life choices and priorities.
Jealousy: Turning Point: The announcement of Sarah’s job overseas acts as a trigger for Mike’s jealousy, not towards another person but towards the career that seems to be taking Sarah away from him, highlighting his fear of losing her to her professional aspirations.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Yearning: Mike’s Journey to London: Mike’s decision to pursue Sarah in London is driven by a powerful yearning for a life that includes love and personal happiness rather than just the comfort of the known.Desire: Love Happens: In their final reunion, the desire they’ve held back throughout the story culminates in a decision to prioritize their relationship, choosing a future together that balances both love and career ambitions.
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Renee’s Comedy Situations
What I learned doing this assignment is…
Act 1 – Set up
Misinterpretation: During their initial meeting, Sarah mistakenly interprets Mike’s nervous chatter about the storm as metaphors for their burgeoning relationship, leading to awkward yet funny exchanges.
Comedic Surprise: After hearing the rumor about Mike, a classmate spills a punch, momentarily diffusing the tension. Sarah storms off and slips on the spilled punch. She flails and grabs onto one of the teachers, inadvertently pulling his pants down with her.
Wildly Inappropriate Response: After hearing the rumor, Sarah grabs the DJ’s microphone to declare the prom “officially horrible,” only to be met with confused applause.
Act 2 – Escalation
Comedic Surprise: Sarah arrives to help plan the reunion and unexpectedly finds her mother has already volunteered her for every committee, including a comically mismatched “Hip Hop Performance” because “you used to love dancing in your room.”
Forced Union of Incompatibles: Sarah, a meticulous planner with a high-powered career, is forced to work with “DJ” a laid-back, disorganized committee member who suggest wildly inappropriate themes for the reunion, like “Time to Relive Your Awkward Phase”
Embarrassment: During one of the planning sessions, Mike tries to impress Sarah by recalling a cool high school moment, only to reveal a mortifying story that ends with him being pantsed during a pep rally, which everyone but him remembers fondly.
Wildly Inappropriate Response: When Sarah’s ex announces he is her fiancé at the town meeting, Mike, feeling inadequate and trying to defuse the tension, jokingly claims he and Sarah are expecting twins. The town reacts with shock and excitement, further complicating the situation.
Act 3 – Complications and Higher Stakes
Misinterpretation & Embarrassment: As Sarah and Mike visit new venues, Mike misinterprets a guide’s comment about the suitability of a “romantic” venue as a personal suggestion, leading to an awkward but humorous declaration of his feelings about their relationship in front of a confused staff.
Embarrassment: During their venue hunt, Sarah tries to impress Mike by showing off her rural skills, only to mistakenly cause a small chaos at a farm, releasing animals or maybe starting a mini tractor.
Act 4 – Climax and Resolution
Misinterpretation & Comedic Surprise: In London, when Mike arrives to declare his love, he is mistaken for a motivational speaker and ends up unintentionally leading a seminar on “Following Your Heart in Business,” using his journey as a metaphor.-
This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by Renee Miller.
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This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by
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Renee’s Structure Solutions
My vision is to be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an Alist screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned doing this assignment is that my script needs a lot of work. There are a ton of structure issues that I am slowly going through right now which is causing me to fall behind. But that’s alright. I will keep on keeping on and finish when I finish.
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Renee’s Plot
What I learned from doing this assignment is how to take the work I’ve already done and combine it for a pretty decent first draft outline. Doing the initial work to create the three tracks of my story made creating the first draft of an outline fairly easy.
Act 1: Setup
Opening: We are introduced to the quaint, unaltered town of Willowbrook. Sarah is a star soccer player, and Mike is a band member.
Sarah and Mike’s Meet Cute: There’s a freak storm, and Mike creates a makeshift shelter, which Sarah joins him in.
Montage of Sarah and Mike’s budding relationship.
At the prom, Sarah overhears another girl talking about Mike and how they hooked up while Sarah was at the state soccer championships.
Inciting Incident: Sarah overhears a friend talking about hooking up with Mike. They break up at prom. Mike is left heartbroken.
Sarah’s Initial State: She’s a high-powered attorney whose life revolves around her career. She is driven, slightly controlling, and prioritizes her professional achievements over personal relationships.
Sarah breaks up with her ex, a fellow attorney, and is shown packing her things and leaving his apartment.
Mike’s Initial State: He is a local business owner in Willowbrook, nostalgic and rooted in his hometown. He feels inadequate for not having achieved more beyond his small-town life.
There’s a town hall meeting to discuss the high school's struggles and its risk of closure due to funding cuts. It is suggested that the reunion can act as a fundraiser to help bring in the funds needed to keep the high school open.
The former senior class president was in a horrific accident and cannot help plan the reunion. Liz suggests bringing Sarah in to help.
Sarah’s ex is making her life miserable at work.
Turning Point: The class president is in an accident, and Liz calls Sarah to see if she will return home and help organize the 25-year high school reunion.
Act 2: Escalation
Sarah heads to the local diner, looking for the proprietor, Mike’s Dad. A young waitress tells her that he passed away a couple of years ago. She is devastated.
New Plan: Sarah tries to apply her professional skills to manage the reunion intricacies but encounters resistance and skepticism from some committee members.
Sarah’s Initial Challenges: As Sarah plans the reunion, her control issues and insecurities manifest. She struggles to balance her professional demeanor with the laid-back attitude of her hometown, causing friction with Mike and other committee members.
Attraction/Flirting: As Sarah and Mike collaborate, old sparks reignite through their interactions – selecting music, discussing decorations, and reminiscing about high school days become flirtatious exchanges.
Mike and Sarah work together on the decorations committee, leading to moments where they physically bump into each other or share laughs over old-school artifacts, enhancing their flirting.
Mike’s Initial Challenges: Mike struggles with his feelings of inferiority compared to Sarah's successful life. His comfortable small-town existence clashes with her dynamic, high-powered lifestyle.
Plan in Action: As Sarah pushes forward with her plans, the old high school hierarchies and dramas re-emerge. Her interactions with Mike grow more frequent and emotionally charged.
Denial: Despite the growing attraction, Sarah remains focused on her career goals, brushing off any romantic implications of her interactions with Mike. She insists to her confidante that she’s only in town for the reunion and there’s nothing serious between them.
The town calls a meeting to discuss the progress of the fundraiser/reunion. Sarah’s ex shows up, adding to the public drama and narrative.
Later that evening, the town hall where the reunion was to be held mysteriously catches fire.
Midpoint Turning Point: Sarah’s ex shows up, telling everyone he is her fiancé, and their main venue for the reunion catches fire.
Mike’s Major Conflict/Obstacle: Mike feels inferior to Sarah’s ex, doesn’t believe he is good enough for her, and knows he can’t give her the life he thinks she deserves.
Act 3: Complications and Higher Stakes
Following the fire, Sarah and Mike call an emergency meeting with the planning committee to find a new venue.
Separation/Forced Together: Sarah and Mike are forced to spend a day together visiting potential new locations and dealing with the fallout from the false engagement announcement.
Sarah and Mike have a deep heart-to-heart conversation while looking for a new venue, where they openly discuss their past mistakes and current fears.
Working through Issues/Differences: As they address the fake engagement, their deeper personal conflicts surface during a heated discussion. They openly challenge each other's current life choices, revealing their fears and desires.
Sarah publicly confronts her ex about the false engagement during a gathering of the reunion committee, demanding honesty. They find out that the ex is responsible for the fire.
Rethink Everything: Following the crisis, Sarah begins questioning her motivations for her stringent career path and her definitions of success and happiness.
New Plan: She decides to give more of herself to the reunion and to open up to Mike, attempting a more heartfelt approach to both.
Hate/Betrayal/All Hope is Lost: On the eve of the reunion, Sarah overhears Mike venting his frustration to a friend about feeling like she’ll never truly prioritize anything over her career.
Turning Point: Sarah receives a call about an offer for her dream job. The problem is it is overseas. She accepts the position.
Sarah’s Major Conflict / Obstacle: Sarah's acceptance of a job overseas coincides with the deepening of her relationship with Mike, forcing her to choose between her career aspirations and her rekindled romance.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Sarah gives a speech that subtly addresses her growth and her appreciation for her roots and hints at her unresolved feelings for Mike.
Climax: Sarah tells Mike about her job acceptance on the reunion night. Liz’s sabotage in high school is unveiled. Sarah leaves Mike standing alone again in the middle of the dance floor.
Self-Reflection: Mike contemplates his life after Sarah leaves and realizes he's been holding himself back due to fear of change and failure.
Sarah’s Self-Reflection: In London, Sarah excels in her new job but feels a void. Memories of Mike and the reunion make her question her life choices, and she realizes that professional success hasn't fulfilled her emotionally.
Mike’s Acceptance and Growth: Encouraged by his daughter, Mike accepts that he needs to be willing to leave his comfort zone and fight for what he wants, deciding to pursue Sarah in London.
Montage of Mike’s Journey to London.
Sarah’s Acceptance and Growth: Sarah acknowledges she must learn to balance love and career to be truly happy. She decides to make room in her life for personal connections alongside her professional ambitions.
Mike Demonstrate the Change: Mike demonstrates his commitment and bravery by flying to London and openly declaring his love for Sarah in a grand, romantic gesture, showing he's ready to start anew.
Resolution: Mike goes after Sarah, realizing he would rather take a chance with her than live the life he knows.
Love Happens: Sarah, moved by Mike's dedication and her own realization of love's importance, decides to balance her career with her relationship, choosing a future with Mike.
Sarah’s Demonstrate the Change: When Mike shows up at her new office in London to profess his love, Sarah openly embraces her feelings for him in front of her new colleagues, publicly prioritizing her personal life for the first time.
Sarah and Mike’s Reunion: Sarah and Mike decide to start a new life together in London, demonstrating their commitment to each other.
Montage of Mike and Sarah’s new life together.
Conclusion: Mike and Sarah build a life together in London and Mike’s daughter keeps the family diner running. -
Renee’s Her Journey/His Journey
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to think about and create a solid structure for each main character’s journey.
Sarah Collins
1. Initial State:
Sarah is a high-powered attorney whose life revolves around her career. She is driven, slightly controlling, and prioritizes her professional achievements over personal relationships, stemming from insecurities rooted in her high school experiences of feeling like an outsider.
2. Meet-Cute Moment:
During a sudden storm at a high school soccer game, Mike and Sarah share a makeshift shelter.
3. Initial Challenges:
As Sarah plans the reunion, her control issues and insecurities manifest. She struggles to balance her professional demeanor with the laid-back attitude of her hometown, causing friction with Mike and other committee members.
4. Major Conflict / Obstacle:
Sarah's acceptance of a job overseas coincides with the deepening of her relationship with Mike, forcing her to choose between her career aspirations and her rekindled romance.
5. Self-Reflection:
In London, Sarah excels in her new job but feels a void. Memories of Mike and the reunion make her question her life choices, and she realizes that professional success hasn't fulfilled her emotionally.
6. Acceptance and Growth:
Sarah acknowledges that she needs a balance of love and career to be truly happy. She decides to make room in her life for personal connections alongside her professional ambitions.
7. Demonstrate the Change:
When Mike shows up at her new office in London to profess his love, Sarah openly embraces her feelings for him in front of her new colleagues, publicly prioritizing her personal life for the first time.
8. Reunion:
Sarah and Mike decide to start a new life together in London, demonstrating their commitment to each other.
Mike Henderson
1. Initial State:
Mike is a local business owner in Willowbrook, nostalgic and rooted in his hometown. He feels inadequate for not having achieved more beyond his small-town life.
2. Meet-Cute Moment:
The same storm-driven encounter with Sarah years ago sparks something in Mike, reminding him of what might have been and reigniting his feelings for Sarah.
3. Initial Challenges:
Mike struggles with his feelings of inferiority compared to Sarah's successful life. His comfortable small-town existence clashes with her dynamic, high-powered lifestyle.
4. Major Conflict / Obstacle:
When Sarah decides to take the job overseas, Mike feels abandoned and doubts whether a relationship between them could ever work, given their different life paths.
5. Self-Reflection:
After Sarah leaves, Mike contemplates his life and realizes he's been holding himself back due to fear of change and failure.
6. Acceptance and Growth:
Encouraged by his daughter, Mike accepts that he needs to be willing to leave his comfort zone and fight for what he wants, deciding to pursue Sarah in London.
7. Demonstrate the Change:
Mike demonstrates his commitment and bravery by flying to London and openly declaring his love for Sarah in a grand, romantic gesture, showing he's ready to start anew.
8. Reunion:
Reunited in London, Mike and Sarah embrace their new journey together, both having grown and changed, now ready to blend their worlds and build a future together. -
Renee’s 7 Stages of Love
What I learned doing this assignment is that I’m not a natural romantic. This really stretched my brain to come up with plausible answers to the 7 stages of love. I enjoyed the exercise and think that if I choose to change from horror to romance this process will only get easier.
Meet-Cute
During a sudden, intense storm at a high school soccer game, Mike, quick-thinking and resourceful, rigs up a makeshift shelter using banners and equipment from the band section. Sarah, drenched and seeking cover, dashes into the same shelter. They laugh off the absurdity of the situation, sparking an initial connection.
2. Attraction/Flirting
At an early reunion planning meeting, Sarah tries to keep things strictly professional, but there’s undeniable chemistry as she and Mike collaborate on choosing themes and decorations. They share light, playful banter reminiscing over high school memories, and their old spark reignites.
3. Denial
Despite the growing attraction, Sarah remains focused on her career goals, brushing off any romantic implications of her interactions with Mike. She insists to her confidante that she’s only in town for the reunion and there’s nothing serious between them.
4. Separation/Forced Together
The reunion planning hits a snag when the main venue suddenly cancels. Sarah and Mike are forced to spend a day together visiting potential new locations. This extended time together leads them to open up about their current lives, dreams, and disappointments.
5. Working through Issues/Differences
During a heated debate over the event’s budget, which mirrors their deeper personal differences—Sarah’s high-control approach vs. Mike’s more laid-back attitude—they confront each other about their past and current life choices, airing out misunderstandings and grievances.
6. Hate/Betrayal/All Hope is Lost
On the eve of the reunion, Sarah overhears Mike venting his frustration to a friend about feeling like she’ll never truly prioritize anything over her career. Feeling betrayed that he doesn’t seem to understand or support her ambitions, Sarah decides to accept the overseas job offer, believing that Mike will never fully commit to her as a partner.
7. Love Happens
Heartbroken, Sarah heads to London to start her dream job. Back home Mike struggles to return to his routine. His daughter notices he’s not himself and encourages him to go after her. He hops on a plane and flies to London where he professes his love for Sarah in front of her new co-workers. -
Renee’s Bigger Story
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about more than just the romance of the story. I can see why you need to focus first on the bigger story that the romance can fit into to create the romance of the story.
Act 1: Setup
Opening: We are introduced to the quaint, unaltered town of Willowbrook. Sarah is a star soccer player and Mike is a member of the band. There’s a freak storm and Mike creates a makeshift shelter and Sarah joins him in it.
Inciting Incident: Sarah overhears a friend talking about hooking up with Mike. They break up at prom. Mike is left heartbroken at the senior prom.
Turning Point: The class president becomes ill and reaches out to Sarah to see if she would come back home and help organize the 25-year high school reunion.
Act 2: Escalation
New Plan: Sarah tries to apply her professional skills to manage the reunion intricacies but encounters resistance and skepticism from some committee members, including subtle sabotage from Liz.
Plan in Action: As Sarah pushes forward with her plans, the old high school hierarchies and dramas re-emerge. Her interactions with Mike grow more frequent and emotionally charged.
Midpoint Turning Point: A crisis during the reunion planning, likely involving Liz's first major act of sabotage, pushes Sarah to rely on Mike. Their moment of vulnerability together deepens their bond, shifting their relationship from strictly professional back toward romantic.
Act 3: Complications and Higher Stakes
Rethink Everything: Following the crisis, Sarah begins to question her motivations for her stringent career path and her definitions of success and happiness.
New Plan: She decides to give more of herself to the reunion and to opening up to Mike, attempting a more heartfelt approach to both.
Turning Point: Sarah receives a call about an offer about her dream job. The problem is it is overseas. She accepts the position.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Climax: On the night of the reunion, Sarah tells Mike about her acceptance of the job. Liz’s sabotage is unveiled, and Sarah's ex-partner makes a dramatic final plea. Sarah leaves Mike standing alone again in the middle of the dance floor.
Resolution: Mike goes after Sarah realizing he would rather take a chance with her then live the life he knows.
Conclusion: Mike and Sarah build a life together in London and Mike’s daughter keeps the family diner running.
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Renee’s Rom-Com Project
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create characters that fit the story and that are specifically designed to make the audience fall in love with them.
Sarah Collins:
Who is She? Sarah is a high-powered attorney who has achieved significant professional success. She grew up in the small town of Willowbrook but left to pursue her career ambitions. She is intelligent, meticulous, and driven, but often struggles with the feeling that something is missing in her life.
What makes her lovable? Sarah’s ambition is balanced by her genuine care for others and her desire to do what is right. Her success hasn’t hardened her; instead, it has given her a platform to help those who are less fortunate, particularly in her pro bono work.
What attracts her to Mike? She is drawn to Mike’s authenticity and his deep connection to their hometown. His stability, sense of community, and unwavering loyalty contrast sharply with the often superficial relationships she encounters in her urban life.
What needs does Mike fulfill for her? Mike offers Sarah a sense of belonging and grounding. He reminds her of her roots and the simpler pleasures of life, providing a counterbalance to her high-stress career. He fulfills her need for genuine companionship and emotional security.
Mike Henderson:
Who is He? Mike is a local business owner who has stayed in Willowbrook his entire life. He runs a popular diner that serves as a community hub. He is charismatic, kind-hearted, and deeply nostalgic. Despite his success, he sometimes feels like he missed out on broader life experiences.What makes him lovable? Mike’s love for his community and his role as a local supporter make him endearing. He is the kind of person who remembers everyone’s favorite order and is always ready to lend a helping hand. His easygoing nature and humorous outlook on life also make him very approachable.
What attracts him to Sarah? He admires Sarah’s ambition and the way she has pursued her dreams, which is something he sometimes wishes he had the courage to do. Her intelligence and determination remind him of the potential everyone has to make a difference.
What needs does Sarah fulfill for him? Sarah brings excitement and a sense of adventure to Mike’s life. She represents the world beyond Willowbrook, offering him a window to the life he didn’t choose. Her return and interest in his life validate his choices and enrich his world view.
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Renee’s Rom-Com Project
What I learned doing this assignment is what conventions are needed for a successful Rom-Com. I am a horror writer by nature, so I have no idea what needs to go into a Rom-Com for it to be successful.
Title: Second DanceConcept: A high-powered attorney must choose between her dream job abroad and a second chance at love during her high school reunion.
1. Starting with whatever idea you have, fill in the blanks to create a concept.
Two People Who Belong Together: Sarah Collins is a high-powered attorney, and Mike Henderson is a local businessman who hasn’t ventured far from their hometown of Willowbrook.
How Are They Separated: They were separated at their senior prom after a misunderstanding orchestrated by a jealous friend. After high school, Sarah left for college and pursued her career. Mike stayed behind to help at his family business and embedded himself in the local community.
What Forces Them Together: As the former Student Body President, Sarah is tasked with planning their 25-year high school reunion, which will bring her back home and back into Mike’s life.
Issues to be Resolved: Sarah must decide between a significant career opportunity abroad and rekindling her relationship with Mike. Mike must confront his feelings of inadequacy about never having left their hometown.
On Their Journey of Love: they navigate their past misunderstandings, the changing dynamics of their old friendships, their families, and the new lives they have built apart from one another.
2. Then fill in the blanks to create your conventions. Even though some of these are the same, it is worth looking at them in the context of the conventions.
Experience of Falling In Love: As they spend time together planning the reunion, they rediscover their old chemistry and shared history, re-experiencing the feelings that once brought them together.
The Journey of Love: is framed around the tasks of organizing the reunion, each event and planning session serves as a metaphorical step back toward each other.
Relationship Set-up: Once high school sweethearts, now adults at a crossroads, their relationship is rekindled amidst the backdrop of their shared past and the pressures of their present lives.
Issues each must Resolve: Sarah grapples with her ambitious nature versus her emotional needs, while Mike deals with his fear of change and feeling stuck in the past.
Separation: Their initial post-high school separation set the stage, and their current life choices threaten to separate them again, underscoring the main conflict.
How will Comedy be Expressed: this arises from the quirky characters of their small town, the mishaps in reunion planning, and the humorous contrast between Sarah’s sophisticated city life and Mike’s down-to-earth community ties. Additionally, the absurdity of high school nostalgia versus the reality of their adult lives adds a layer of comedic irony.
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Hi everyone,
I’m Renee and I’m an optioned screenwriter in Denver, Colorado. I have written 5 features and 1 pilot and am halfway through my 6th feature. I joined this class to get out of my comfort of writing horrors and improve my writing skills in general. Along with writing screenplays I also create interactive audio dramas (A.K.A. Choose your own adventure stories) that are then turned in to interactive dramas.
Looking forward to working with you all over the next month.We look forward to working with you all!
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1. Renee Miller
2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class. -
Renee's Act 1 First Draft Part 1
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned from this assignment is that my outline is problematic. As I was writing the scenes, I realized that the way it is set up now, the inciting incident would happen around page 25. So, I stopped writing, looked at my outline, and determined where the changes needed to be made. I then continued on with the assignment and finished the first act.
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Renee's High Speed Writing
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.What I learned from this assignment is nothing more than a review at this point. I’ve taken enough classes with Hal that include this method that it has become a natural process to write quickly. I do enjoy the process, but every once in a while find myself resorting to my old perfectionist ways.
I used the process on the third scene in my script and it went fairly well, although I did find myself getting stuck when coming up with headlines to include in the scene. But overall, it went great. I think I was able to write the scene in about 20 minutes. It would have probably gone quicker if I wasn’t so worried about getting the right formatting for the newspaper headlines.
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Renee’s First Scene
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.What I learned from this assignment is how much I like the idea of writing in drafts. Being able to get a scene down without it needing to be perfect helps to keep me moving.
I’ve done this process a couple of times with ScreenwritingU classes, and it gets easier every time. I think I was able to write the first two scenes in under 10 minutes. Keeping it at that pace and not worrying about being perfect means I can essentially finish the first draft of a script in a couple of days to a week.
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Hi Everyone,
I have a dark comedy called Killer Support.Concept: A reformed serial killer turned therapist’s support group for like-minded murders becomes the hunting ground for a new killer who uniquely dispatches victims in an ironic nod to their original crimes, thrusting the group into a macabre game of survival.
If anyone would like to exchange let me know at rmiller0911@gmail.com.
Cheers
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Renee’s Fascinating Scene Outline
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.What I learned from this assignment is how to create fascinating scenes during the outline process that will hook the audience from the first scene until the last.
1. INT. BASEMENT – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) The scene opens with the eerie, meticulous setup of the basement, implying a dark ritual about to unfold.
Middle: (Suspense) The chainsaw buzzes to life, its menacing growl filling the air as it nears the body, building tension about the impending action.
Ending: (Major Twist) The abrupt ringing of the doorbell halts the gruesome act, introducing an unexpected interruption at a critical moment.2. EXT. HOUSE – DAY
Beginning: (Superior Position) The audience knows the grim context inside the house as the unsuspecting Jehovah's Witnesses wait outside.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Lily, flustered and masking her panic, pretends to embrace the religious conversation, misleading the visitors about her true state.
Ending: (Surprise) She hands them a random pamphlet, hastily trying to get rid of them, which contrasts sharply with the gravity of the situation inside.3. INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: (Mystery) Marcus sifts through files and clippings, piecing together a puzzle that hints at deep, dark secrets.
Middle: (Uncertainty) He connects the dots between Dr. Thorn’s therapeutic methods and unresolved serial killer cases, suggesting a disturbing overlap.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Marcus finds a particularly incriminating article that shocks him, but before he can react, his toddler barges into the room.4. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Dr. Thorn reflects on her past actions and the current ones, highlighting her internal conflict between her old and new selves.
Middle: (Character changes radically) As she records her thoughts, her demeanor shifts from troubled to determined, revealing a deep commitment to change.
Ending: (Uncertainty) She expresses a poignant hope to mend her ways, juxtaposed with a palpable fear that redemption might be out of reach.5. INT. SECURITY ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (External Dilemma) Dr. Thorn and the groundskeeper review the security feeds, showing different areas of the mansion and emphasizing the extensive surveillance.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) They witness an awkward encounter between two employees, highlighting the invasive nature of the surveillance.
Ending: (Betrayal) Dr. Thorn justifies the spying as necessary for safety, but her expression reveals doubts about violating her group's privacy, hinting at ethical betrayal.6. INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Beginning: (More Interesting Setting) The scene begins with Dr. Thorn in a brightly lit, cozy kitchen, a stark contrast to her dark past, preparing for the arrival of the group.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) As she arranges the snacks, her rehearsed phrases switch from professional to personal, revealing her genuine concern and desire to change.
Ending: (Intrigue) Dr. Thorn practices a calming technique, hinting at her own need to stay composed under pressure.7. EXT. DOCK – DAY
Beginning: (Superior Position) Dr. Thorn prepares the welcoming area, but the audience knows the true nature of the upcoming group therapy.
Middle: (External Dilemma) She debates whether to display more personal or professional decor, reflecting her internal conflict about how much of her past self to reveal.
Ending: (Uncertainty) The boat appears in the distance, making Dr. Thorn pause and take a deep breath, unsure of the group’s reception.8. EXT. FERRY BOAT – DAY
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Felix starts a seemingly innocent conversation, but his intentions are far darker.
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) Felix’s story gains him sympathy, but the audience knows it’s a fabrication designed to manipulate.
Ending: (Surprise) The listener offers Felix unexpected advice that momentarily throws him off his game, revealing a crack in his façade.9. EXT. DOCK – LATE AFTERNOON
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Dr. Thorn’s nervous anticipation as she waits for the boat, unsure of how her new group will react.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) She greets each member with a tailored approach, showing her adaptability and depth of understanding of each person’s background.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Felix, an unexpected guest, steps off the boat, catching Dr. Thorn off guard with an unanticipated reaction.10. EXT. PATH TO HOUSE – LATE AFTERNOON
Beginning: (More Interesting Setting) The scenic path provides a false sense of tranquility, subtly juxtaposed with the underlying tension among the group.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Dr. Thorn points out seemingly benign features, but they subtly hint at the island’s darker history.
Ending: (Major Twist) A sudden storm begins, hastening their steps and mirroring the rising drama among the group.11. INT. LOUNGE – DAY
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Dr. Thorn begins the session with a calm demeanor but quickly adopts a more authoritative tone as she lays down the rules.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) As she collects phones, she internally struggles with her dominance over the group versus her desire to foster trust.
Ending: (Betrayal) A group member quietly resists giving up their phone, hinting at potential future conflicts and secrets they wish to keep.12. EXT. GARDEN AREA – LATE AFTERNOON
Beginning: (Intrigue) Felix mingles with the group, his smooth demeanor masking his sinister intentions.
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) He shares his views on human nature, which seem philosophical but actually align with his hidden agenda.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The confession cam captures his statement, setting up future evidence that may expose his true motives.13. INT. KITCHEN – DUSK
Beginning: (Suspense) Dr. Thorn walks into the kitchen to find Lily poring over dangerous substances, setting a tense tone.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Lily shares her fear of falling back into old habits, revealing her vulnerable side to Dr. Thorn in a moment of genuine connection.
Ending: (Character Changes Radically) Lily's confession about her close call with the Jehovah's Witnesses shocks Dr. Thorn, showing her the depth of Lily's internal conflict and her commitment to change.14. INT. BALLROOM – EVENING
Beginning: (Intrigue) The scene opens with members hesitantly sharing light confessions, but the underlying tension suggests deeper secrets.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Felix uses this opportunity to appear supportive and empathetic, misleading others about his true nature.
Ending: (Major Twist) Felix shares a seemingly innocent confession that subtly hints at his darker past, intriguing the others and deepening his integration into the group.15. INT. LOUNGE – EVENING
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Dr. Thorn initiates the circle with confidence, but her demeanor shifts as she faces personal questions.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Dr. Thorn struggles to maintain her composure and deflects a direct question about her motivations, revealing her discomfort with her past.
Ending: (Suspense) The session ends with lingering doubts among the group members about Dr. Thorn's transparency and true intentions.16. INT. FOYER – DAY
Beginning: (Surprise) The group discovers the body unexpectedly, causing immediate shock and horror.
Middle: (Superior Position) As the group analyzes the crime scene, the audience knows this murder mimics a past crime, adding a layer of grim irony.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The analytical discussion raises more questions than answers, leaving everyone unsettled and suspicious of each other.17. EXT. ISLAND PATHS – DAY
Beginning: (Mislead/Reveal) Felix uses the walk as a chance to seem concerned and helpful, masking his true intentions.
Middle: (Intrigue) As he probes for opinions on the murder, his questions are calculated to incite doubt and suspicion subtly.
Ending: (Uncertainty) The walk ends with group members more paranoid and isolated than before, unsure of whom to trust.18. INT. FOYER – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Dr. Thorn finds an overlooked clue that could potentially crack the case wide open.
Middle: (External Dilemma) She debates whether to share the finding with the group or keep it to herself to control the investigation's direction.
Ending: (Major Twist) She decides to keep the evidence secret, a decision that could backfire, increasing her isolation from the group.19. INT. LIBRARY – DAY
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Lily starts her diary entry focused on her personal fears but inadvertently captures something unexpected in the background.
Middle: (Superior Position) The audience sees Felix lurking in the background, unbeknownst to Lily, adding a layer of suspense.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The video diary ends abruptly as Lily turns off the camera, unaware of the crucial evidence she’s recorded.20. INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) The meal starts with strained politeness, but the atmosphere quickly turns tense.
Middle: (Betrayal) Felix cunningly shifts suspicion towards Marcus, betraying his façade of solidarity.
Ending: (Suspense) Marcus's defensive reaction only deepens the group's suspicions, ending the meal on a note of heightened distrust and paranoia.21. INT. DR THORN’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Dr. Thorn receives the news of the impending storm, adding an external threat to the already tense situation.
Middle: (External Dilemma) She faces the choice of disclosing the storm's severity to the group, risking panic, or keeping it quiet, risking safety.
Ending: (Major Twist) She decides to keep the storm a secret, heightening the stakes as she walks back to the group, hiding her deep concern.22. INT. THERAPY ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) The group begins the trust-building exercise blindfolded, unaware of the danger that awaits.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) As they navigate the obstacle course, members reveal vulnerabilities and support each other, showing a different side of their personalities.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) They remove their blindfolds to discover a new murder scene, shocking everyone and undoing any trust that was built.23. INT. THERAPY ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Dr. Thorn starts the one-on-one sessions, determined to uncover the truth.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Each member's story adds layers of complexity, with Dr. Thorn interpreting signs of fear as possible guilt.
Ending: (Suspense) The sessions end with more questions than answers, leaving Dr. Thorn frustrated and suspicious.24. INT. MARCUS’S ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Felix enters Marcus's room stealthily, searching for anything incriminating.
Middle: (Surprise) He discovers an unexpected item that could link Marcus to the murders.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Felix pockets the item and leaves just as someone else begins to approach the room, his heart racing.25. INT. MEDICAL ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) The groundskeeper suspects Lily of tampering with medical supplies.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Lily reveals her injury, shifting the groundskeeper’s suspicion to concern.
Ending: (Uncertainty) The interaction ends with the groundskeeper still wary, leaving Lily to nurse her wound alone, hinting at her isolation.26. INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Felix uses his chance encounter with Lily to seed doubts about Marcus.
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) He carefully crafts his words to make Marcus appear guilty without outright accusations.
Ending: (Suspense) Lily leaves the conversation disturbed and thoughtful, wondering about the truth.27. INT. COMMON AREA – NIGHT
Beginning: (Mislead/Reveal) The discovery of Marcus’s belonging near the crime scene seems to confirm suspicions.
Middle: (External Dilemma) Dr. Thorn grapples with whether to confront Marcus directly or gather more evidence.
Ending: (Character Changes Radically) Dr. Thorn decides to observe Marcus silently, her suspicions hardening into resolve.28. INT. DR. THORN’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Felix sneaks into Dr. Thorn’s office, looking for anything he can use against her.
Middle: (Major Twist) He finds clippings that detail her dark past, giving him powerful leverage.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Felix leaves with the clippings, smirking as he plans his next move, leaving the audience wondering what he’ll do next.29. EXT. ISLAND GROUNDS – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Felix casually converses with another group member, subtly dropping hints about Marcus's instability.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) His comments make the other members question Dr. Thorn's effectiveness, suggesting she might be overlooking key details.
Ending: (Uncertainty) The conversation ends with the group member looking concerned, contemplating Felix's words as they walk away, deep in thought.30. INT. FOYER – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Dr. Thorn discovers a seemingly incriminating item in the foyer, linking it to Marcus.
Middle: (External Dilemma) She struggles with the decision to confront Marcus directly or continue observing him covertly.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) She decides to keep the evidence secret for now, storing it away as she ponders her next steps, heightening the tension.31. INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Dinner starts awkwardly with forced small talk, as underlying tensions bubble.
Middle: (Betrayal) Accusations subtly fly across the table, with members eyeing each other suspiciously.
Ending: (Character Changes Radically) Dr. Thorn realizes the depth of the rifts forming, deciding she must take drastic action soon to control the situation.32. EXT. ISLAND PATHS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Felix carefully alters the scene to set up Marcus, ensuring each detail points to guilt.
Middle: (Surprise) Dr. Thorn nearly catches Felix in the act, forcing him to hide abruptly.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Felix watches from his hiding spot as Dr. Thorn inspects the area, unaware of his close presence, leaving him relieved yet more cautious.33. INT. THERAPY ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Dr. Thorn starts the session with a hopeful tone, aiming for peace and understanding.
Middle: (External Dilemma) As tempers flare and accusations become more pointed, the atmosphere deteriorates rapidly.
Ending: (Major Twist) The session ends abruptly with the realization that Marcus is missing, escalating concerns about his role and safety.34. EXT. ISLAND GROUNDS – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Felix notices Marcus walking alone toward the gazebo, an opportunity to further his plan.
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) Felix follows discreetly, planting more misleading evidence along the way.
Ending: (Suspense) Felix watches from a distance as Marcus sits alone, unaware of the trap being set around him.35. EXT. GAZEBO – DAY
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Group members discuss Marcus’s odd behavior, interpreting his isolation as guilt.
Middle: (Intrigue) Felix stokes these fears with calculated comments, deepening the suspicion against Marcus.
Ending: (Uncertainty) The group becomes more divided, with some feeling pity for Marcus and others convinced of his guilt.36. INT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Marcus, alone with the confession cam, reveals his feelings of confusion and fear, not understanding why he's suspected.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) He wrestles with the decision to confront the group or flee, torn by the unfair suspicions.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) He decides to stay and clear his name, unaware of the danger that awaits him, leaving the audience anxious about his fate.37. EXT. ISLAND PATH – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Lily walks along the path and notices Marcus sitting alone, his figure shrouded in darkness.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Lily hesitates, interpreting Marcus's solitude as a sign of guilt or despair, wondering if she should approach him.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) She decides to approach, but the scene cuts away just as she takes her first step, leaving the outcome uncertain.38. INT. DR. THORN’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Lily, concerned, rushes to inform Dr. Thorn about Marcus, showing her proactive side.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Dr. Thorn must decide whether to confront Marcus alone or involve others, weighing the risks of each option.
Ending: (Major Twist) Dr. Thorn decides to confront him alone, a decision that could lead to a dangerous confrontation.39. INT. SECURITY ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: (Surprise) While reviewing footage, they unexpectedly spot a shadowy figure following Marcus.
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) Lily points out the figure’s resemblance to Felix, planting seeds of doubt about Marcus's guilt.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Dr. Thorn is left pondering the new information, unsure of Felix's role in the events.40. EXT. GAZEBO – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Dr. Thorn approaches the gazebo with trepidation, bracing herself for what she might find.
Middle: (Major Twist) She discovers Marcus's body, staged dramatically, a clear message from the killer.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Dr. Thorn is overwhelmed with emotions, fear, and anger, setting the stage for a final showdown.41. EXT. GAZEBO – CONTINUOUS
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Dr. Thorn's guilt and horror transform her from a figure of authority to one of vulnerability.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) She struggles with her feelings of responsibility for Marcus's death and the fear that she might be next.
Ending: (Uncertainty) As the group gathers, their varied reactions create a tense uncertainty about who can be trusted.42. EXT. GAZEBO – LATER
Beginning: (Intrigue) The group examines the crime scene, each member contributing their theories.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Dr. Thorn takes control, announcing new security measures and more invasive tactics.
Ending: (Major Twist) Her announcement is met with mixed reactions, some supportive, others deeply suspicious of her motives.43. INT. DR. THORN’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Dr. Thorn questions her methods and the path she has taken, feeling the weight of her decisions.
Middle: (Betrayal) Lily confronts Dr. Thorn, accusing her of being too controlling and possibly exacerbating the situation.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Dr. Thorn is left to consider Lily's accusations, doubting herself and her control over the group.44. EXT. ISLAND GROUNDS – DAY
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Felix participates in the trust activities, seemingly engaging positively.
Middle: (Intrigue) Behind his cooperative facade, Felix whispers doubts and stokes fears among the members.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The session ends with increased tension, members more divided than before, unsure of whom to trust.45. INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) The group tries to engage in normal breakfast conversation, but the tension is palpable.
Middle: (Major Twist) A member suddenly collapses, revealing they've been poisoned, mirroring their own method.
Ending: (Uncertainty) The group is thrown into chaos, with accusations flying as they realize the killer is still actively targeting them.46. INT. SECURITY ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Dr. Thorn, once reactive, now takes a determined and proactive stance, overhauling the security system.
Middle: (External Dilemma) She debates the ethics of her actions, wondering if more surveillance and control truly equate to safety or if they breed more distrust.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Dr. Thorn activates the new system, unsure if her methods will protect or provoke her vulnerable group.47. INT. GREAT ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Dr. Thorn convenes a meeting, turning the great room into a central hub for investigation, showing her leadership.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) As they discuss the data, misunderstandings and misinterpretations of the evidence lead to false leads and frustrations.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The session concludes with more tension than before, as trust diminishes under the weight of unsolved questions.48. INT. DINING HALL – LATER
Beginning: (Suspense) Members cautiously share observations about the murder patterns, trying to find connections.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) One member proposes a theory that suggests an outsider might be involved, shifting the focus and causing others to reconsider their suspicions.
Ending: (Major Twist) A revelation about a previously overlooked detail regarding the first murder reshapes their understanding of the killer’s motives.49. INT. LIBRARY – EVENING
Beginning: (Superior Position) Teams scour through footage with the audience aware of Felix's manipulations, adding a layer of dramatic irony.
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) As they analyze the videos, members discover discrepancies that point to possible framing or manipulation by someone within the group.
Ending: (Uncertainty) The review session ends with members more suspicious of each other than ever, clouding the investigation with doubt.50. EXT. GROUNDS – DAY
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Dr. Thorn encourages cooperation and trust, urging members to work together despite their fears.
Middle: (External Dilemma) As the storm builds, so does the tension among pairs, with mistrust and the harsh weather complicating the search.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The storm breaks, forcing everyone inside prematurely, leaving questions unanswered and potential evidence undiscovered.51. INT. GREAT ROOM – EVENING
Beginning: (Intrigue) Dr. Thorn presents the found items, hoping to piece together more of the puzzle.
Middle: (Betrayal) Accusations fly as inconsistencies emerge, with members feeling betrayed by those they had started to trust.
Ending: (Major Twist) An unexpected piece of evidence turns the suspicion towards a member previously thought innocent, reshaping the group dynamics.52. INT. GREAT ROOM – LATER
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) As the debate intensifies, Dr. Thorn’s realization about Felix shifts her focus.
Middle: (Major Twist) Felix seizes a power outage moment to expose Dr. Thorn’s past, using her vulnerabilities against her.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The group reacts with shock and confusion in the dim emergency lighting, unsure of whom to trust, as Felix smirks in the shadows.53. INT. GREAT ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: (Intrigue) Lily courageously steps forward, holding a piece of evidence, as Felix watches, initially unbothered.
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) Lily plays the confession cam recording; Felix's own words betray him, revealing his true intentions and the depth of his manipulation.
Ending: (Character Changes Radically) Felix’s mask of innocence shatters, and he reacts with anger and desperation, realizing his plan is unraveling.54. INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Beginning: (Major Twist) As Felix tries to escape, a member tackles him, leading to a physical struggle that captures the group's pent-up tension.
Middle: (Betrayal) In a heated moment, Felix accuses Dr. Thorn of being responsible for past horrors, trying to turn the group against her with his revelations.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Felix is restrained, but his words leave a poisonous doubt among the group, significantly altering perceptions.55. INT. GREAT ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Dr. Thorn faces the group, her past exposed, struggling with the dual reality of her identity as a healer and a former killer.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Members react variously, some with anger and others with sympathy, as they process the complexities of Dr. Thorn’s character and past actions.
Ending: (Character Changes Radically) Dr. Thorn makes a decision to fully confront her past, promising transparency and seeking forgiveness, showing her commitment to change and redemption.56. INT. GREAT ROOM – LATER
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Dr. Thorn addresses the group with newfound clarity and resolve, ready to face the consequences of her actions.
Middle: (Major Twist) She announces her decision to turn herself in, a gesture that shocks and moves the group, highlighting her genuine transformation.
Ending: (Resolution) As the police take her away, the group reflects on their own paths and the impact of Dr. Thorn’s choices, with a sense of closure and the beginning of healing.57. EXT. BOAT DOCK – NIGHT
Beginning: (External Dilemma) Dr. Thorn and Felix, accompanied by authorities, walk to the dock, each contemplating their impending futures.
Middle: (Surprise) In a quiet moment, Felix expresses a grudging respect for Dr. Thorn's courage, revealing a glimpse of his conflicted feelings.
Ending: (Resolution) Felix boards the boat, his fate sealed, as Dr. Thorn watches, her face a mix of relief and sorrow, ready to face her own legal battles.58. INT. FOYER – MORNING
Beginning: (New Beginnings) The new day symbolizes fresh starts as members pack up, showing varied reactions to the recent events.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Dr. Thorn holds a final session, emphasizing forgiveness and the importance of moving forward, challenging each member to take control of their future.
Ending: (Resolution) The group departs with a sense of cautious optimism, each carrying lessons learned from their harrowing experience.59. EXT. DOCK – DAY
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) The members board the boat, visibly changed by their experiences, showing signs of both weariness and relief.
Middle: (Resolution) Dr. Thorn says her goodbyes, each farewell meaningful and reflective of her new understanding and acceptance of her identity.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Dr. Thorn watches the boat leave, standing alone, her future uncertain but her spirit resolved to face whatever comes next.60. EPILOGUE: MONTAGE
Beginning: (Reflection) Dr. Thorn in court, accepting her verdict with composure, symbolizing her acceptance of all consequences.
Middle: (New Beginnings) Vignettes of various members, like Lily planting in the garden and another starting a support group, showing paths of redemption or regression.
Ending: (Resolution) The camera pans over the now peaceful island, the mansion bathed in sunlight, suggesting hope and the possibility of new beginnings, with the past finally laid to rest. -
Renee’s Scene Requirements
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an Alist screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.What I learned from this assignment is how to look at each scene and determine the structure needed to keep each scene interesting and intriguing.
ACT 1: SETUP AND RISING SUSPICION
INT. BASEMENT – DAY
– Scene Arc: Transition from the planned act of violence to an abrupt interruption.
– Essence: Establish the dark comedic tone and the ongoing struggle between murderous impulses and daily interruptions.
– Conflict: The internal conflict of the character between their killer instinct and the normal world knocking at their door.
– Subtext: The killer's life is still very much active, but they are pretending to be reformed or normal.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that the character can suppress their violent urges; fear that they might revert to old habits.
EXT. HOUSE – DAY
– Scene Arc: Shift from secrecy to a momentary interaction with normalcy.
– Essence: Display the dichotomy between the character's dark inner world and their outward appearance.
– Conflict: The tension between maintaining a facade of normalcy while hiding a dark secret.
– Subtext: Despite surface interactions, there's a profound struggle within.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Lily can maintain her disguise; fear that her true nature will be discovered.
INT. BEDROOM NIGHT
– Scene Arc: Introduction of Marcus, setting the stage for future suspicions.
– Essence: To introduce another layer of mystery concerning Dr. Thorn’s past.
– Conflict: Marcus's curiosity versus the potential danger of uncovering the truth.
– Subtext: Marcus might be digging too deep into dangerous secrets.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Marcus finds useful information; fear that this knowledge could endanger him.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
– Scene Arc: Dr. Thorn's internal confrontation with her past.
– Essence: Explore the protagonist’s inner turmoil and dedication to redemption.
– Conflict: Dr. Thorn's past crimes versus her current attempts at atonement
– Subtext: She's terrified that her past will catch up with her.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that she can overcome her past; fear that it will undo her.
INT. SECURITY ROOM – DAY
– Scene Arc: Transition from trust to surveillance.
– Essence: Justifying intrusive measures under the guise of safety.
– Conflict: Ethical dilemma of surveillance versus privacy
– Subtext: Dr. Thorn doesn't fully trust the reformation of her group
– Hope/Fear: Hope that surveillance prevents violence; fear that it might provoke distrust and backlash.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
– Scene Arc: Preparation meets reality; setting a calm before the potential storm.
– Essence: Showing Hope's attempt to create a welcoming, safe environment.
– Conflict: Hope's internal struggle between her nurturing role and her awareness of the underlying dangers.
– Subtext: The normalcy of the snacks contrasts with the group's dark past.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that her preparations foster peace; fear that they are futile.
EXT. DOCK – DAY
– Scene Arc: Final preparations before the group’s arrival.
– Essence: To establish a sense of false security and welcome.
– Conflict: Dr. Thorn's preparation against the backdrop of impending chaos.
– Subtext: Despite her efforts, danger is imminent.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that everything goes as planned; fear of the unknown variables with the group’s arrival.
EXT. FERRY BOAT – DAY
– Scene Arc: Felix begins to weave his deceptive narrative.
– Essence: Introduce Felix’s manipulative nature and false backstory.
– Conflict: Felix's fabricated vulnerability versus his hidden agenda.
– Subtext: Felix is already manipulating the narrative to his advantage.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that his story garners sympathy; fear that he is setting a trap.
EXT. DOCK – LATE AFTERNOON
– Scene Arc: The first real interaction between Dr. Thorn and her group.
– Essence: Establishing initial impressions and the dynamic between Dr. Thorn and the members.
– Conflict: Members’ skepticism versus Dr. Thorn’s welcoming demeanor.
– Subtext: Everyone is hiding something, and first impressions are crucial.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that the welcome eases tensions; fear that skepticism prevails.
EXT. PATH TO HOUSE – LATE AFTERNOON
– Scene Arc: Movement towards the main setting of the story, building anticipation.
– Essence: Transitioning from the outside world into Dr. Thorn’s controlled environment.
– Conflict: The Group’s curiosity and anxiety about what awaits versus Dr. Thorn’s assurance.
– Subtext: The path is a metaphor for the journey each member is taking, from their past to potential redemption.
– Hope/Fear: Hope for a new beginning; fear of relapsing into old habits.
INT. LOUNGE – DAY
– Scene Arc: Setting the ground rules and establishing authority.
– Essence: Dr. Thorn asserts control and sets expectations.
– Conflict: Dr. Thorn's need for control clashes with the group’s need for autonomy.
– Subtext: Dr. Thorn’s controlling nature might be a mask for her insecurity.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that strict rules keep everyone safe; fear that they stifle and provoke rebellion.
EXT. GARDEN AREA – LATE AFTERNOON
– Scene Arc: Felix integrates more with the group.
– Essence: Show Felix’s strategic social integration.
– Conflict: Felix's hidden motives versus his outward charm.
– Subtext: Felix is playing a long game, laying the groundwork for future manipulations.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Felix finds community; fear that he's deceiving everyone.
INT. KITCHEN – DUSK
– Scene Arc: Lily confides in Dr. Thorn, revealing her fears and struggles.
– Essence: Strengthen the bond between mentor and mentee, showcasing trust and vulnerability.
– Conflict: Lily’s fear of relapse against her desire to reform.
– Subtext: Lily’s research into toxins could be a hint at her not being fully reformed.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Lily embraces reform; fear that she reverts to old ways.INT. BALLROOM – EVENING
– Scene Arc: Casual interaction escalates into deeper connections.
– Essence: To build camaraderie and test the waters of trust.
– Conflict: Group members' reluctance to open up versus the need to connect.
– Subtext: Each confession is trivial but masks deeper secrets.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that sharing builds trust; fear that it exposes vulnerabilities.
INT. LOUNGE – EVENING
– Scene Arc: Dr. Thorn is questioned about her motivations, revealing her discomfort.
– Essence: To probe the sincerity and stability of Dr. Thorn’s leadership.
– Conflict: Dr. Thorn's secretive nature versus the group's demand for transparency.
– Subtext: Dr. Thorn is still guarded about her past and current motivations.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that she maintains authority; fear that her evasiveness undermines trust.
INT. FOYER DAY
– Scene Arc: Discovery of the first murder within the group, mirroring past crimes.
– Essence: Shock the group and shift the dynamic from suspicion to reality of danger.
– Conflict: The group’s analytical approach to the murder versus the emotional shock
– Subtext: The group is using their knowledge of crime to detach from the horror.
– Hope/Fear: Hope for a rational explanation; fear that a killer is among them.
EXT. ISLAND PATHS – DAY
– Scene Arc: Felix uses the murder to sow further distrust while pretending to bond.
– Essence: To deepen Felix’s integration and manipulation within the group.
– Conflict: Felix’s false concern versus his true intentions.
– Subtext: Felix is testing the waters to see how easily he can manipulate the members.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that the walk calms nerves; fear that it deepens suspicions.
INT. FOYER – DAY
– Scene Arc: Dr. Thorn finds a clue that could be a breakthrough or a red herring.
– Essence: Introduce a tangible piece of evidence to complicate the investigation.
– Conflict: The potential lead versus the possibility of it being misleading.
– Subtext: The clue might be planted to mislead Dr. Thorn.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that the clue leads to the killer; fear that it's a diversion.
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
– Scene Arc: Lily’s personal documentation adds a layer of personal insight and unintentionally captures a clue.
– Essence: To provide a personal perspective on the unfolding events and introduce a subtle clue.
– Conflict: Lily’s need to express her fears versus the risk of exposing too much.
– Subtext: Lily’s diary is a safe space, but it’s also a vulnerability.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that documenting helps Lily cope; fear that it exposes her weaknesses.
INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
– Scene Arc: Accusations and defenses escalate the group's tension to a breaking point.
– Essence: To highlight the breakdown of trust and the rise of paranoia within the group
– Conflict: Accusations flying among members versus the need for solidarity.
– Subtext: Everyone is on edge, and trust is crumbling.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that dialogue resolves tensions; fear that it incites conflict.
INT. DR THORN’S OFFICE – DAY
– Scene Arc: Isolation becomes inevitable as the storm prevents any escape.
– Essence: Cement the isolation and heighten the stakes with no easy way out.
– Conflict: The need for safety versus the trap of the island.
– Subtext: The storm is a metaphor for the turmoil within the group.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that they can manage the crisis internally; fear that being trapped escalates the danger.
INT. THERAPY ROOM – DAY
– Scene Arc: A teambuilding exercise meant to build trust ends in horror with a new murder.
– Essence: To juxtapose teamwork with betrayal, enhancing the shock.
– Conflict: The group's effort to build trust versus the stark reality of another murder.
– Subtext: The blindfolds symbolize the group’s blindness to the killer’s identity.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that the exercise strengthens trust; fear that it exposes them to more danger.
ACT 2: DEEPENING MYSTERY AND MISDIRECTION
INT. THERAPY ROOM – DAY
– Scene Arc: Dr. Thorn profiles each member, seeking inconsistencies.
– Essence: To delve into the psychological depths of each member, using Dr. Thorn’s killer instincts.
– Conflict: Dr. Thorn’s suspicions versus the members' defensiveness.
– Subtext: Dr. Thorn is using the profiling to reassure herself as much as to find the killer.
– Hope/Fear: Hope to uncover the killer; fear that this may alienate or provoke the members.
INT. MARCUS’S ROOM – DAY
– Scene Arc: Felix plants evidence to frame Marcus.
– Essence: To escalate the suspicion towards Marcus, shifting the narrative focus.
– Conflict: Felix’s manipulation versus Marcus’s unawareness.
– Subtext: Felix is exploiting the group’s vulnerabilities.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Felix’s actions go unnoticed; fear that they trigger premature accusations.
INT. MEDICAL ROOM – DAY
– Scene Arc: Lily's injury leads to an unexpected interaction.
– Essence: A moment of vulnerability for Lily that also humanizes the groundskeeper.
– Conflict: Lily's self-care versus the groundskeeper’s suspicion.
– Subtext: Lily is still capable of causing harm, even to herself.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Lily is genuinely seeking help; fear that she's backsliding.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
– Scene Arc: Felix subtly incriminates Marcus to Lily.
– Essence: Increase paranoia and suspicion towards Marcus.
– Conflict: Felix’s deceit versus Lily’s growing suspicion.
– Subtext: Felix is manipulating Lily’s trust.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Lily sees through the deception; fear that she falls for it.
INT. COMMON AREA – NIGHT
– Scene Arc: Circumstantial evidence implicates Marcus.
– Essence: To almost conclusively tilt suspicion towards Marcus.
– Conflict: Dr. Thorn’s investigation versus Marcus’s potential innocence.
– Subtext: Dr. Thorn might be wrong in her conclusions.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that justice is near; fear of a wrongful accusation.
INT. DR. THORN’S OFFICE – NIGHT
– Scene Arc: Felix finds incriminating evidence about Dr. Thorn.
– Essence: To arm Felix with a tool for psychological warfare.
– Conflict: Felix’s preparation for future confrontations versus Dr. Thorn’s ignorance of the breach.
– Subtext: Felix is gathering ammunition for a critical strike.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that the breach remains undiscovered; fear that it escalates the situation.
EXT. ISLAND GROUNDS – DAY
– Scene Arc: Felix sows more doubt about Marcus and hints at Dr. Thorn missing clues.
– Essence: Felix widens the net of suspicion, including towards Dr. Thorn.
– Conflict: Felix’s manipulation versus the group’s confusion.
– Subtext: Felix is positioning himself as the rational observer.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that his manipulations are subtle; fear that they cause chaos.
INT. FOYER – DAY
– Scene Arc: Another clue seemingly implicates Marcus further.
– Essence: To compound the evidence against Marcus, tightening the narrative tension.
– Conflict: The accumulation of evidence versus Marcus’s unawareness.
– Subtext: The evidence may be too perfect, hinting at a setup.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that the true killer is revealed; fear of a miscarriage of justice.
INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT
– Scene Arc: Group dynamics are fraught with tension and accusation.
– Essence: To display the breaking point of group cohesion.
– Conflict: Open suspicion versus the need for solidarity.
– Subtext: The dinner is a microcosm of the group’s overall state.
– Hope/Fear: Hope for clarity; fear that accusations escalate to violence.
EXT. ISLAND PATHS – NIGHT
– Scene Arc: Felix nearly gets caught manipulating evidence.
– Essence: To heighten suspense and nearly expose Felix.
– Conflict: Felix’s stealth versus Dr. Thorn’s sudden appearance.
– Subtext: Felix is closer to being caught than ever before.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Felix escapes detection; fear that his plot unravels.
INT. THERAPY ROOM – DAY
– Scene Arc: The therapy session devolves into chaos with accusations.
– Essence: To show the breakdown of any remaining trust.
– Conflict: The group's fear and suspicion versus Dr. Thorn’s attempts at control.
– Subtext: The group is on the edge of fracturing completely.
– Hope/Fear: Hope for reconciliation; fear that conflict leads to more violence.
EXT. ISLAND GROUNDS – DAY
– Scene Arc: Felix follows Marcus, setting the stage for his final act against him.
– Essence: To prepare for a pivotal, tragic moment in the narrative.
– Conflict: Felix’s plotting versus Marcus’s need for solitude.
– Subtext: Marcus is unaware of the danger he’s in.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Marcus finds peace; fear that Felix’s plan succeeds.
EXT. GAZEBO – DAY
– Scene Arc: Marcus is isolated and vulnerable, playing into Felix’s narrative.
– Essence: To deepen the tragedy of Marcus’s situation.
– Conflict: Marcus’s despair versus Felix’s manipulation.
– Subtext: Marcus is being positioned as a scapegoat.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Marcus gains clarity; fear that he’s wrongfully targeted.
INT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS – NIGHT
– Scene Arc: Characters express their innermost fears and suspicions.
– Essence: To give depth to each character’s perspective.
– Conflict: Individual reflections versus the group’s turmoil.
– Subtext: These confessions may not be entirely truthful.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that confessions are cathartic; fear that they are manipulative.
EXT. ISLAND PATH – NIGHT
– Scene Arc: Lily spots Marcus alone, heightening her concern.
– Essence: To build suspense and concern for Marcus.
– Conflict: Lily’s worry versus her hesitation to intervene.
– Subtext: Lily is torn between suspicion and empathy.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Lily helps Marcus; fear that she is too late.
INT. DR. THORN’S OFFICE – NIGHT
– Scene Arc: Lily alerts Dr. Thorn to Marcus’s location, prompting action.
– Essence: To trigger a critical response from Dr. Thorn.
– Conflict: Lily’s initiative versus Dr. Thorn’s calculated approach.
– Subtext: Lily is becoming more proactive, possibly shifting her allegiance.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Dr. Thorn intervenes in time; fear that it’s a trap.
INT. SECURITY ROOM – NIGHT
– Scene Arc: Dr. Thorn and Lily review footage, discovering Felix’s shadow.
– Essence: To reveal Felix’s involvement subtly and increase doubt.
– Conflict: The evidence of Felix’s involvement versus Dr. Thorn’s skepticism.
– Subtext: Dr. Thorn is close to connecting the dots, but doubts linger.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that they uncover the truth; fear that Felix remains undetected.
EXT. GAZEBO – NIGHT
– Scene Arc: The discovery of Marcus’s staged murder shocks everyone.
– Essence: To culminate the act with a shocking, pivotal murder.
– Conflict: The horror of the discovery versus the need to solve the mystery.
– Subtext: The staging suggests a message or a signature from the killer.
– Hope/Fear: Hope for a breakthrough in the case; fear that the killer is still at large.
ACT 3: RETHINKING EVERYTHINGEXT. GAZEBO – CONTINUOUS
– Scene Arc: Dr. Thorn is overwhelmed by guilt and horror, signaling a shift in her approach.
– Essence: To amplify the emotional impact of Marcus’s death on Dr. Thorn.
– Conflict: Dr. Thorn's guilt versus the group’s need for leadership.
– Subtext: Dr. Thorn questions her own judgment and the potential biases that led her here.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that this catalyzes a more effective strategy; fear that it paralyzes her.EXT. GAZEBO – LATER
– Scene Arc: Transition from shock to proactive investigation.
– Essence: Dr. Thorn regains control and focuses on solving the mystery.
– Conflict: The group's fear of being next versus their skepticism of Dr. Thorn’s methods.
– Subtext: Dr. Thorn is fighting to regain her authority and the group’s trust.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that new strategies reveal the killer; fear that the killer strikes again.INT. DR. THORN’S OFFICE – DAY
– Scene Arc: Lily confronts Dr. Thorn about her methods, reflecting growing internal division.
– Essence: To show the rising tensions and doubts within the group.
– Conflict: Lily’s confrontation with Dr. Thorn’s authority.
– Subtext: Lily is perhaps being manipulated or beginning to think for herself.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Dr. Thorn reassures her; fear that the rift grows.EXT. ISLAND GROUNDS – DAY
– Scene Arc: A tension-filled trust-building exercise.
– Essence: Attempt to rebuild trust among the group.
– Conflict: Members' reluctance versus Dr. Thorn’s insistence on cooperation.
– Subtext: Everyone is suspicious, making genuine trust difficult.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that trust is restored; fear that it further alienates members.Scene 45: INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
– Scene Arc: Another murder during a communal meal heightens the fear.
– Essence: To shock and destabilize the group further.
– Conflict: The sudden murder versus the group’s attempt at normalcy.
– Subtext: The poisoner’s own method turns against them, irony at its darkest.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that no more deaths occur; fear that the killer is unstoppable.INT. SECURITY ROOM – NIGHT
– Scene Arc: Dr. Thorn takes a decisive step to control the environment.
– Essence: Show Dr. Thorn’s shift from reactive to proactive.
– Conflict: Dr. Thorn’s control measures versus the group's feeling of being monitored.
– Subtext: Dr. Thorn is desperate to end the killings, even at the cost of personal freedoms.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that this stops the killer; fear that it turns everyone against her.INT. GREAT ROOM – DAY
– Scene Arc: Collective effort to piece together the murder puzzle.
– Essence: A collaborative investigation to combine all known information.
– Conflict: The group's cooperation versus their underlying distrust.
– Subtext: Working together might be their only chance, despite the suspicions.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that collaboration reveals the killer; fear that it leads to more confusion.INT. DINING HALL – LATER
– Scene Arc: Analysis of the murder patterns leads to more questions.
– Essence: Deepening the mystery of the killer’s identity and motive.
– Conflict: Theory crafting versus the reality of their dangerous situation.
– Subtext: The first murder’s difference is a crucial clue being overlooked.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that understanding the pattern helps; fear that it misleads them.INT. LIBRARY – EVENING
– Scene Arc: A meticulous review of evidence for overlooked details.
– Essence: To capitalize on the group’s combined efforts in finding inconsistencies.
– Conflict: The strain of detailed analysis versus the urgency of catching the killer.
– Subtext: Everyone has something to hide, which might cloud judgment.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that new details emerge; fear that critical clues are missed.Scene 50: EXT. GROUNDS – DAY
– Scene Arc: Physical search of the island for clues.
– Essence: To physically engage the group in the investigation.
– Conflict: The search’s potential for discovery versus the impending storm.
– Subtext: The storm symbolizes the culmination of the building tension.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that evidence is found; fear that the storm disrupts the search.INT. GREAT ROOM – EVENING
– Scene Arc: Confrontations over inconsistencies in stories.
– Essence: To heighten the tension and suspicion within the group.
– Conflict: Accusations based on new evidence versus members’ defenses.
– Subtext: Trust is at an all-time low, paranoia at an all-time high.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that confrontations clarify the situation; fear that they escalate to violence.INT. GREAT ROOM – LATER
– Scene Arc: Felix attempts to destabilize Dr. Thorn's leadership by revealing her past.
– Essence: The climax of Felix’s manipulation.
– Conflict: Felix’s revelations versus Dr. Thorn’s credibility.
– Subtext: Felix is using Dr. Thorn’s past as a weapon.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Dr. Thorn maintains control; fear that Felix’s plan succeeds.ACT 4: CLIMAX AND RESOLUTION
INT. GREAT ROOM – NIGHT
– Scene Arc: Lily exposes Felix with conclusive evidence.
– Essence: The resolution of the murder mystery.
– Conflict: Lily’s confrontation with Felix versus his last-ditch efforts to manipulate.
– Subtext: Lily has grown from a potential victim to a key player.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Felix is finally stopped; fear that he has one last trick.INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
– Scene Arc: Physical restraint of Felix, his true nature fully revealed.
– Essence: The physical culmination of the group’s struggle against Felix.
– Conflict: The group’s reaction to Felix’s accusations versus his attempts to divide them.
– Subtext: Felix’s desperation is evident in his actions and words.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that Felix is subdued; fear that his words cause lasting damage.INT. GREAT ROOM – CONTINUOUS
– Scene Arc: Dr. Thorn is confronted with her past and its impacts on the present.
– Essence: Dr. Thorn faces the full consequences of her actions.
– Conflict: Dr. Thorn’s past crimes versus her attempts at redemption.
– Subtext: The group’s mixed reactions reflect broader societal views on justice and redemption.
– Hope/Fear: Hope for understanding and forgiveness; fear of irreparable condemnation.INT. GREAT ROOM – LATER
– Scene Arc: Dr. Thorn decides to turn herself in, affirming her commitment to change.
– Essence: Dr. Thorn’s ultimate act of taking responsibility.
– Conflict: Dr. Thorn’s decision versus the group’s varied reactions.
– Subtext: This is her final step in seeking redemption.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that her decision brings closure; fear that it’s too late for redemption.EXT. BOAT DOCK – NIGHT
– Scene Arc: Dr. Thorn and Felix leave the island, each facing their future.
– Essence: Closure and continuation for both main characters.
– Conflict: Their shared journey to the mainland, filled with unresolved tension.
– Subtext: They are both prisoners in different ways.
– Hope/Fear: Hope for justice and healing; fear of what lies ahead for both.INT. FOYER – MORNING
– Scene Arc: A final group session emphasizes forgiveness and moving forward.
– Essence: To wrap up the group’s journey and set the tone for their futures.
– Conflict: The struggle to accept the past and embrace the future.
– Subtext: The dawn symbolizes new beginnings.
– Hope/Fear: Hope for healing and new starts; fear that past scars are too deep.EXT. DOCK – DAY
– Scene Arc: Members leave the island changed by their experiences.
– Essence: A visual representation of their emotional journey.
– Conflict: Each member’s personal resolution versus their ongoing challenges.
– Subtext: The boat journey away from the island is a metaphor for moving on.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that they find peace; fear that they revert to old ways.EPILOGUE: MONTAGE
– Scene Arc: A series of vignettes showing the long-term outcomes for key characters.
– Essence: To provide closure and reflect on the long-term impacts of Dr. Thorn’s and the group’s experiences.
– Conflict: Individual struggles with their past and their attempts to move forward.
– Subtext: Life goes on, but the past leaves indelible marks.
– Hope/Fear: Hope that they find fulfillment and redemption; fear that old habits resurface.EXT. MANSION – DAY
– Scene Arc: The mansion as a symbol of peace and a new beginning.
– Essence: To leave a final impression of hope and renewal.
– Conflict: The mansion’s past horrors versus its peaceful present.
– Subtext: The mansion, like its inhabitants, has undergone a transformation.
– Hope/Fear: Hope for a new, positive chapter; fear of the past repeating. -
Renee’s Intriguing Moments
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned from this assignment is how to make each act in my script more intriguing.
Act 1:
Cover-Up: As Lily prepares to commit a murder, her act is interrupted by Jehovah's Witnesses. The scene sets a darkly comedic tone and establishes the ongoing struggle between her murderous instincts and the mundane interruptions of daily life, symbolizing the group members' efforts to maintain their reformed identities.
Conspiracy: The group finds one of their own murdered in a manner echoing their past crime. This event shocks the members, sowing seeds of distrust and paranoia. Dr. Hope Thorn must delve into this mystery, suspecting that the killer might be one of the group, possibly acting on a covert agenda against the reformed murderers.
Secret: During a trust-building exercise intended to solidify the group, another member is killed. This heightens the intrigue as it occurs under circumstances where everyone is supposed to be observed and safe, suggesting that the killer is among them and may be manipulating the situation to create fear and chaos.
Hidden Identity: As Dr. Thorn investigates, subtle clues hint at an insider's involvement, possibly even someone faking their reformation. The audience knows more than the characters, understanding the dual nature of the group members, which adds a layer of dramatic irony.
Act 2:
Superior Position: Hope decides to increase surveillance and personal monitoring of the group. She becomes secretive about her methods, which creates tension within the group as they start to feel more like prisoners than patients, escalating their paranoia and distrust.
Scheme: More murders follow, each mimicking a member's past crimes. The pattern suggests a detailed knowledge of their histories, hinting at either a group member or someone with access to their confidential files, intensifying the mystery and suspicion among the group.
Covert Agenda: The murder of Marcus Vale, initially suspected, in the same stylized manner as the others, disrupts all of Hope's theories, throwing the group into further unrest. This event forces the group to reconsider their suspicions and look toward less obvious members, including the seemingly unassuming Felix Moray.
Hidden Identity: Felix, who has been quiet and unassuming, starts showing knowledge and insights that hint he might know more about the murders than he lets on. This shift in suspicion is driven by his sudden prominence in discussions about the murders, subtly suggesting he might be hiding his true nature.
Act 3:
Mystery: With the failure of her previous strategies, Hope becomes more open about her past and her fears, using vulnerability as a tactic to draw out the killer. This creates a poignant moment where her history as a murderer is contrasted with her current role, deepening her character complexity.
Cover-Up: Despite Hope's new approach, another murder occurs. This moment is critical as it happens despite the heightened vigilance and emotional openness, suggesting a very clever and adaptable killer, possibly pointing back to Felix's evolving strategies.
Conspiracy: Felix's behavior becomes increasingly detached from the group's trauma, indicating his possible lack of genuine emotional connection and hinting at his underlying motives of revenge rather than recovery.
Act 4:
Covert Agenda: In a climactic group session, Hope sets a psychological trap by revealing details only the killer would react to. Felix inadvertently exposes himself by revealing knowledge of these specifics, confirming his role as the orchestrator behind the ironic murders.
Secret: Upon his exposure, Felix's true motive of vengeance against those he deemed unworthy of redemption is revealed. -
Renee’s Emotional Moments
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned from this assignment is
Act 1:
Surprise: The group discovers the first murder right after a therapy session.
Bonding: Dr. Thorn shares a heartfelt story about her vision for the group during the initial meet and greet, which brings everyone closer.
Emotional Dilemma: Lily, shaken by the murder, confesses her fear of relapse to Dr. Thorn, telling her how the murder triggered her violent impulses.
Courage: After the murder, Dr. Thorn takes charge, reassuring the group and outlining a plan to enhance safety.
Act 2:
Betrayal: As suspicions come to light, Felix subtly manipulates a vulnerable member of the group into mistrusting others, which deepens their paranoia.
Trigger Their Wounds: Marcus Vale’s murder, which closely mimics his past crime, devastates the group emotionally, especially Dr. Thorn, who sees a reflection of her own potential fate.
Excitement: During a group exercise designed to lighten the mood, Felix redirects suspicion away from himself while heightening group engagement and steering the narrative.
Moral Issue: Dr. Thorn considers using unorthodox and potentially unethical methods to gather information from the group.
Act 3:
Hidden Weakness: Dr. Thorn must share her past with the members after Felix outs her as a former serial killer in the hope of fostering openness, but it backfires, leading some of the members to distrust her leadership and question her motives.
Love: Amidst the chaos, two members of the group form a deep connection and find solace and understanding in each other’s company.
Distress: Another murder occurs despite Dr. Thorn’s new approach, causing her distress and self-doubt.
Success/Winning: After a significant breakthrough in the case, the group feels a momentary victory, believing they are close to finding the killer.
Act 4
Sacrifice: Dr. Thorn uses herself as bait, risking her life to draw out Felix.
Surprise: Felix reveals he knows details only the killer would know, a surprise twist that confirms his guilt and shocks the group.
Courage: Lily confronts Felix during the final showdown, overcoming her own fears and past to play a role in exposing him.
Redemption: Dr. Thorn confesses her past crimes and explains how she manipulated the present to protect her secrets.
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Renee’s Reveals
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned from this assignment is how to work backward to set up the reveals in my script.
Act 1:
Set-Up: Dr. Thorn is setting up the mansion for a therapy retreat.
HT Set-Up: Dr. Thorn becomes visibly uncomfortable when specific methods of killing are mentioned.
LS: Lily is seen briefly researching something on her laptop about toxins, drugs, or other methods that could induce states mimicking death.
FM Set-Up: Felix gives inconsistency when relaying his backstory to other group members.
Reveal: The members are all serial killers looking to reform!
HT Set-Up: When a new member asks Dr. Thorn about her reasons for starting the group, she deflects with generalities.
FM Set-Up: Felix: During therapy sessions, Felix displays an unusually detailed understanding of famous crimes, especially Dr. Thorn’s past crimes, during group discussions.
LS Set Up: Lily reveals she once worked in a medical setting, establishing her capability to manipulate medical settings.
HT Set-Up: After discovering the first body, killed in the same manner she killed her victims, she slips and uses overly technical language and shows detailed forensic knowledge that surprises the group.
FM Set-Up: Felix is briefly seen handling a small, personal notebook documenting the crime scene of the first murder.
Act 2:
HT Set-Up: Dr. Thorn experiences brief, unsettling nightmares related to her kills in quick, disturbing visuals that she wakes from, disturbed and sweating.
LS: Lily is shown collecting various supplies from around the mansion, such as medications and tools.
FM Set-Up: Felix subtly instigates conflicts among the members.
FM Set-Up: during key moments leading up to a murder, Felix’s whereabouts are unclear. He provides vague explanations for his absences, which initially don’t raise alarms.
LS: Lily’s death is discovered under mysterious circumstances that initially seem clear-cut but are peculiar upon closer examination.
HT Set-Up: When anyone mentions calling the police, she exhibits an exaggerated response and advises against contacting them even when it seems logical, hinting at her fear of scrutiny.
FM: Felix shows a particular interest in the methods used in the group murders, pretending to try to understand the killer better.
LS: Lily expresses feelings of being trapped, hinting at her emotional state and subtly justifying her choice to fake her death.
Act 3:
LS Set-Up: Another character finds Lily’s laptop open with detailed tabs on creating realistic-looking but non-lethal self-harm scenarios.
HT Set-Up: Dr. Thorn looks at old newspaper clippings about her past crimes.
FM Set-Up: Small but significant items connected to the murders begin appearing in places Felix frequents.
FM Set–Up: When the accusations start to fly, Felix’s reactions are calm and amused.
LS Reveal: Lily isn’t really dead! She was setting Felix up.
FM Setup: Dr. Thorn and Lily review security footage they notice that Felix is often the last to see the victim or the first to discover the aftermath.
HT Reveal: Felix outs Dr. Thorn and her past as a serial killer
Act 4:
FM Reveal: Felix is the killer!
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Renee’s Character Action Tracks
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned from doing this assignment is how to look at a character’s profile to determine what actions they would take beat by beat to create a role A-List actors would want to portray.
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Renee’s New Outline Beats
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned from doing this assignment is how difficult it is when you step outside the box. It was incredibly difficult for me to figure out what kinds of scenes need to happen with a dark comedy, but I think I’ve got a good start to my outline.
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This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by Renee Miller.
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This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by
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Renee’s Supporting Characters
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned from doing this assignment is the importance of creating supporting characters that fit the protagonist’s journey.
Supporting Characters: the other members of the therapy group
Background Characters: the island caretaker, the cook, the boatman, the handymanName: Vincent Marco
Role: The storyteller
Main Purpose: to provide dark humor through his overly dramatic recounts of his “hits” and reactions to the group’s dynamics.
Value: he adds a layer of levity and certain old-school charm to the group that helps to balance the tension and horror with his outdated mafia anecdotes and unexpected wisdom.Name: Claire Redwood
Role: The analyst
Main Purpose: As a former corporate spy who eliminated business rivals, she maintains a cool, analytical approach to solving the mystery of who is targeting the group.
Value: She counterbalances the more volatile members and drives the group’s efforts to understand and outmaneuver the killer.Name: Tanya Spears
Role: The wild card
Main Purpose: A previous cult leader who orchestrated ritualistic killings, she is always prepared with a bizarre theory.
Value: her unconventional viewpoints and paranoia fuel the narrative’s tension and misdirection, keeping both the characters and the audience guessing.Name: Eddie “The Butcher” Malone
Role: the enforcer
Main Purpose: he brings a gruesome edge to the group. Known for his brutal methods of dismembering his victims, his insight into the physical aspect of their current predicament is invaluable.
Value: his macabre expertise gives the group a disturbing yet necessary perspective on the murders. -
Renee's Character Profiles Part 2
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.What I learned from doing this assignment is the importance of figuring out your characters before you start writing the script. Doing this allows you to create scenes and actions that match the what the characters will do and say.
Dr. Hope Thorn – Protagonist
Role in the Story: Main protagonist, guide, and investigator of the murders within her therapy group.
Age Range and Description: Mid-50s. A sophisticated and sharp-witted woman with an elegant demeanor and intense eyes that hint at her complex past.
Core Traits: Guarded, empathetic, cunning, intellectual
Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to protect her group and solve the murders. Needs to reconcile her violent past with her desire for redemption.
Wound: Her past as a serial killer haunts her, driving a deep fear of reverting to old habits or being exposed.
Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Likable for her intelligence and efforts to reform; relatable for her struggle with past mistakes; empathetic because she genuinely seeks redemption.
Character Subtext: She constantly fears her past will come to light, shattering her new life and the trust of those she helps.
Character Intrigue: While helping others, she secretly battles the temptation to revert to her old ways under pressure.
Flaw: Her controlling nature, driven by fear of her past crimes being exposed.
Values: Believes in second chances and redemption, values honesty, despite her secrets.
Character Dilemma: Balances between leading a path of healing and the potential to return to her old, violent ways.Felix Moray – Antagonist
Role in the Story: Primary antagonist, posing as a group member while secretly plotting revenge.
Age Range and Description: late 20s. A seemingly mild-mannered, unassuming man with a palpable intensity lurking beneath his calm exterior.
Core Traits: vengeful, charismatic, manipulative, tormented
Motivation; Want/Need: Wants revenge against those he views as undeserving of forgiveness. Needs closure for the trauma of his attack.
Wound: Surviving a brutal attack that left deep emotional and psychological scars.
Likability, Relatability, Empathy: His survival story and initial vulnerability make him likable and relatable; empathy arises from his suffering and loss.
Character Subtext: His outward search for healing masks his true intent for revenge.
Character Intrigue: Underneath his facade of seeking help, he plans the downfall of each group member.
Flaw: His obsession with revenge blinds him to any form of true healing or forgiveness.
Values: Justice as he defines it; believes in punishment over rehabilitation.
Character Dilemma: He is torn between his desire for justice for his past and the destructive path of revenge he embarks on. -
Renee’s Character Profiles
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned from doing this assignment is how to further develop the lead characters so they are well-rounded. Taking into consideration the core traits, motivations and wounds will make it easier when it comes to actually writing the scenes.
Dr. Hope Thorn
High Concept: A reformed serial killer-turned-therapist’s support group for like-minded murders becomes the hunting ground for a new killer who uniquely dispatches victims in an ironic nod to their original crimes, thrusting the group into a macabre game of survival.Character’s Journey: Arc Beginning: She harbors guilt and fears over her past as a serial killer, which she conceals under a façade of control and care. She struggles to reconcile her past with her current identity.
Arc Ending: She acknowledges her actions to herself and her group and emerges as a more authentic leader who no longer hides behind her secrets but uses her experiences to empower others.Actor Attractors: Lead Character Name: Dr. Hope Thorn
Known for Role: Playing Dr. Hope Thorn is a deeply complex character who balances the dual identity of a healer and a former killer.Most Interesting Character: She struggles with her own violent past while trying to guide others toward redemption, embodying a stark contrast between her past and present self.
Interesting Actions: Hope could lead tense group therapy sessions, expose her own past in critical moments to manipulate outcomes, and use her knowledge of criminal psychology to track down the new killer.
Introduction: Introduce Dr. Thorn in a therapy session, calmly handling a volatile confrontation among group members, showcasing her control and deep understanding of the killer's psyche.
Emotional Range: She goes from calm and composed to intensely vulnerable and fearful, which shows her inner turmoil and the weight of her dark secrets.
Subtext: She is hiding her past as a serial killer while trying to help her serial killer clients come to terms with themselves and their past actions.Interesting Relationships: Her relationships with her patients, who are also potential threats, provide a complex relational dynamic to explore.
Unique Voice: Her voice is both soothing and commanding, reflecting her dual role as therapist and former killer, with occasional slips that hint at her darker side.
Special: Her unique position as a healer who once was a killer offers an unparalleled psychological depth, exploring themes of guilt, redemption, and the nature of evil.
Role in the Story: Protagonist
Age range and Description: mid-50s is a poised and articulate woman who carries a blend of remorse and resolve.
Core Traits: Guarded, empathetic, determined, intellectual
Motivation;
Want: To maintain the secrecy of her past as a serial killer.
Need: To genuinely forgive herself and accept her past, allowing her to truly move forward.
Wound: What they can’t face: Self-Doubt: Constant self-doubt about her worthiness of redemption and fear of reverting to old habits can be a persistent psychological wound, driving her to continuously prove herself to herself and others.
Likability: she is trying to help others overcome their dark tendencies.
Relatability: she is wrestling with her past mistakes while seeking personal redemption.
Empathy: as her group members are killed off, she risks her own exposure as a serial killer and her safety to protect her patients.Felix Moray:
High Concept: A reformed serial killer-turned-therapist support group for like-minded murders becomes the hunting ground for a new killer who uniquely dispatches victims in an ironic nod to their original crimes, thrusting the group into a macabre game of survival.Character’s Journey:
Actor Attractors: Known for Role: It gives an actor a chance to delve into the psyche of a deeply scarred individual who seeks vengeance under the facade of needing help.Most Interesting Character: His dual nature —posing as a victim while meticulously planning revenge, makes him interesting and creates a thrilling and unpredictable character.
Interesting Actions: Felix could ingeniously manipulate group dynamics, set elaborate traps for his targets, and reveal his true intentions in dramatic fashion.
Introduction: Felix is a new, seemingly vulnerable member of the group, gradually unveiling his calculating and vengeful nature as his backstory unfolds.
Emotional Range: Felix would start by showing vulnerability and sorrow, then switching to cold, calculated anger and satisfaction as he enacts his revenge.
Subtext: Felix’s subtext revolves around themes of justice and retribution, often blurring the lines between victimhood and villainy.
Interesting Relationships: His relationships are laced with deception; his dynamic with Dr. Thorn, as both his target and potential confidante, adds layers of tension and intrigue.
Unique Voice: Felix's voice is calm and collected, hiding a sharp, calculating mind. His words often carry double meanings, reflecting his complex motives.
Special: The juxtaposition of his victim status with his role as a methodical avenger makes him a uniquely compelling character, especially as his plans unfold with dramatic irony and suspense.
Role in the Story: Antagonist – Felix is the sole survivor of Dr. Thorn’s earliest rampages seeking revenge.
Age range and Description: mid-20s a clean-cut and unassuming young man who easily blends in with a crowd.
Core Traits: vengeful, charismatic, manipulative, tormented
Motivation;
Want: he wants revenge on Dr. Hope Thorn for killing his family
Need: to find peace and closure to move past the trauma and finally grieve
Wound: What they can’t face: he suffers from intense survivor’s guilt
Likeability: he is charming and supportive during the group sessions and always shows empathy toward the other group members.
Relatability: his entire family was killed by Dr. Hope Thorn when he was a child, and he was the only survivor.
Empathy: Felix is emotionally vulnerable after reliving his trauma during a session. -
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
I learned from this assignment the importance of creating characters that the audience loves. By focusing on how you can create relatability, empathy, and likability for your characters, you can get audiences to fall in love with them.
Protagonist: Dr. Hope Thorn
Likability: she is trying to help others overcome their dark tendencies
Relatability: she is wrestling with her past mistakes while seeking personal redemption.
Empathy: as her group members are killed off, she risks her own exposure as a serial killer and her safety to protect her patients.Antagonist: Felix Moray
Likeability: he is charming and supportive during the group sessions and always shows empathy toward the other group members.
Relatability: his entire family was killed by Dr. Hope Thorn when he was a child, and he was the only survivor.
Empathy: Felix is emotionally vulnerable after reliving his trauma during a session. -
Renee’s Phone Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment
1. I’m going to lead with credibility as I’m an optioned screenwriter.
2. High Concept Pitch: Hi, I’m Renee, and I’m an optioned screenwriter. I have a Supernatural Horror called 'Veil of Shadows,' about a relentless journalist whose investigation into her mother’s mysterious death draws her into the sinister world of a malevolent cult. Here, she discovers ancient horrors that threaten to merge her reality with terrifying supernatural realms. It’s a blend of investigative drama and eerie supernatural thrills.
Component of Marketability Pitch: Hi, I’m Renee, and I’m an optioned screenwriter. I’m pitching 'Veil of Shadows,' a Supernatural Horror series that captures a wide audience appeal by combining the popular genres of horror, investigative drama, and supernatural thriller. The series features a compelling lead character who’s perfect for a bankable star, exploring a dark cult’s supernatural connections, appealing to fans of horror, mysteries, and thrillers alike.
Comps Pitch: Hi, I’m Renee, and I’m an optioned screenwriter. I have a Supernatural Horror called Veil of Shadows. It’s about a journalist uncovering her mother’s dark past within a terrifying cult. Imagine True Detective’s gritty investigation meets the supernatural intrigue of Stranger Things and Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. This series blends deep character exploration with thrilling supernatural elements, perfect for today’s audience.
3. Budget Range: $16 – $24 million per season.
4. Actors for main roles: Veronica – Tatiana Maslany from Orphan Black
Samuel – Daniel Kaluuya from Get Out and Black Mirror
Father Malachi – Ian McShane from American’s Gods and Deadwood
Dr. Isabella Stone – Tandie Newton from Westworld and Line of Duty5. How Many Pages – 58
6. Who else has seen this? – No one
7. Why do you think this fits our company – I came to your company because I loved the show (title) that you produced.
8. How does it end?
The pilot ends with Veronica, Father Malachi, and Dr. Isabella Stone bringing a battered and bruised Samuel into the house with more questions.The series ends with Veronica defeating Aeloria, but Veronica is fatally wounded. In a surprising twist, Samuel uses his remaining power to reverse time briefly, allowing him to sacrifice himself instead of Veronica.
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Renee’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is how to craft a quick pitch to pitch to producers that will engage them and hopefully request the script.
Credibility:
Hi, I’m Renee. I’m an optioned screenwriter specializing in female-driven stories.Genre and Title:
I have a supernatural horror titled “Veil of Shadows.”Hook: The dual mystery of the cult’s intentions and Veronica’s ancestral ties to it leads to a compelling blend of investigative drama and supernatural horror as Veronica races against time to thwart a prophecy poised to plunge the world into darkness.
Budget Range for the Pilot:
Between $1 and $5 millionActors for the lead roles:
Veronica – Tatiana Maslany from Orphan Black
Samuel – Daniel Kaluuya from Get Out and Black Mirror
Father Malachi – Ian McShane from American’s Gods and Deadwood
Dr. Isabella Stone – Tandie Newton from Westworld and Line of DutyActs of the Pilot:
Teaser: Veronica’s mother is killed by members of the cult, who then kidnaps Veronica so they can sacrifice her and fulfill a prophecy to awaken the ancient deity, Aeloria.Act 1: During an investigation of a corrupt CEO, Veronica discovers cryptic symbols in the CEO’s journal and the same symbols at her mother’s grave.
Act 2: Digging into the symbols and her murdered mother’s past, Veronica awakens ancient spirits of the ancient deity and sets the prophecy in motion.
Act 3: Veronica teams up with Dr. Isabella Stone, a disgraced archeologist and expert on symbols, to help her uncover the nature of the mysterious symbols.
Act 4: As Veronica continues to investigate the symbols, she discovers her name in an ancient tome and a picture of her mother and Father Malachi among a group of cult members.
Act 5: Veronica and Dr. Stone go to confront Father Malachi about the cult and his involvement in it. Before he can explain, Samuel, the current cult leader posing as a lost follower, is thrown, battered, and bruised from a car in front of Samuel’s house.
How does it end:
The pilot ends with Veronica, Father Malachi, and Dr. Isabella Stone bringing a battered and bruised Samuel into the house with more questions.Credibility Questions:
Why this?
Supernatural horror continues to captivate audiences, craving stories that blend reality with the mystical, especially when tied to deep-seated familial and cultural myths.Why now?
In an era where questioning reality and exploring one's roots has become more prevalent than ever, a series combining these themes with horror presents a timely exploration of fear, identity, and the supernatural.Why me?
With a background in creating female-led narratives and being deeply intrigued by supernatural and horror themes, I bring a unique voice and perspective to breathe life into the eerie, mysterious world of "Veil of Shadows."
This series promises to entertain and challenge the viewer's perception of the supernatural and their connection to history and destiny. -
Renee’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create a compelling query letter with minimal information. The AI component of this lesson is game changing. I’ve gone through this process several times with ScreenwritingU, and while I’ve done fairly well crafting query letters, I always struggled with coming up with the right hooks. With AI it created more compelling hooks than I could come up with and it did it in a matter of seconds.Dear (producer),
How deep would you dig if the truth could doom humanity?
Veronica Thornfield, a determined investigative journalist, stumbles upon cryptic symbols at her mother’s grave, symbols linked to a night marred by murder and mystery. Her search for truth is not just a professional quest but a deep personal crusade to unravel her mother's secretive and possibly sinister past. This journey draws her into the chilling embrace of a malevolent cult hellbent on awakening a deity forgotten by time.
Will the truth about her family save the world or seal its fate?
As Veronica digs deeper, her revelations grow darker, uncovering a lineage stained by rituals and prophecies. With each piece of the puzzle, she edges closer to a catastrophic ritual foretold centuries ago. Her transformation from a fearless reporter to a wary survivor mirrors the escalating danger, as the cult's manipulations deepen and their plans near fruition. Veronica must navigate this perilous landscape, where each discovery could be her last.
Will she expose the truth before it's too late, or will her legacy be humanity's downfall?
Throughout the first season, Veronica's unraveling of her family's dark secrets and the cult's schemes leads to tense alliances and dangerous betrayals. As she grapples with the moral complexities of her findings, she faces an internal battle between the journalist's drive for truth and the primal urge for survival. Her journey is fraught with psychological twists and heart-stopping suspense, culminating in a choice that could either avert disaster or fulfill a dark prophecy.
Bio: Renee is an optioned screenwriter who focuses on female-driven stories.
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Renee’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is the difference between a logline and a high concept and how to craft a compelling elevator pitch and high concept to pitch to producers and managers.
High Concept: Uncovering her ties to a prophecy, a journalist investigates a cult’s ancient practices that could awaken an ancient deity and destroy the world.
Elevator Pitch: I’m working on a supernatural horror show called “Veil of Shadows,” where an investigative journalist discovers she is the key to fulfilling a prophecy that will awaken an ancient deity that threatens to shatter the world as she knows it. Similar to “True Detective” and “The Outsider.”
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Renee’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is that I still struggle with coming up with a synopsis. I’ve taken several classes that uses this method and it is still difficult for me to find the hooks that I can use in my synopsis.
1. Veronica’s mother is murdered in front of her and the men that killed her kidnap her.
2. Veronica inadvertently awakens an ancient deity when she reads from her mother’s journal.
3. If she continues to investigate her mother’s death and her ties to the cult she will be sacrificed, if she stops her investigation into the cult she will never solve her mother’s murder and will still possibly die.
4. She is the key to fulfilling the cult’s ancient prophecy, which states that awakening an ancient deity will bring death and destruction to the world.
5. The celestial event in relation to the cult’s activities adds a sense of urgency and a ticking clock. (Total Lunar Eclipse, followed by the Transit of Mercury two weeks later, followed by a Full Moon two weeks later, when the ritual must be performed to fulfill the prophecy.)
6. Samuel, posing as a lost follower, is the current leader of the cult who killed Darius (Veronica’s father and former cult leader).
7. Father Malachi is working to stop the cult using the knowledge he gained while a member of the cult.
8. Dr. Stone is inadvertently leading Veronica straight into the hands of the cult by utilizing information given to her by an unknown benefactor who is a member of the cult.
9. There’s a group of cult escapees known as the lost followers that will aid Veronica in her investigation.The darkness approaches. . .
Thirteen years after the traumatic night of her mother's murder and her own kidnapping by a mysterious cult, investigative journalist Veronica Thornfield stumbles upon enigmatic symbols at her mother’s grave. As she delves into the tangled legacy of her mother, Veronica unwittingly activates an ancient prophecy foretold to unleash catastrophic destruction.
And the Key is among you . .
Caught in a perilous limbo, Veronica faces a harrowing choice: pursue the truth, risking becoming a sacrificial lamb at the altar of the cult’s apocalyptic ambitions, or retreat and allow the shadows of her past to cloud the truth forever. An upcoming celestial event tied to the ancient prophecy compels Veronica to act before the final ritual that will fulfill the prophecy and awaken an ancient deity that threatens to shatter the world as she knows it.
Beware the shadowed path.
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Renee’s Most Interesting Things
What I learned doing this assignment is how to look at my script and determine the most interesting aspects of it. Knowing the most interesting parts of my story can help me create the best query letter for my projects.
What is most unique about your villain and hero?
Hero (Veronica): Veronica's uniqueness is in her relentless pursuit of the truth, which is driven by her personal connection to the cult through her lineage.
Major hook of your opening scene?
Young Veronica witnesses a traumatic event – her mom is killed, and then she is kidnapped by the men who murdered her mother.Any turning points?
A major turning point occurs when Veronica reads a passage from her mother’s journal, inadvertently awakening the spirits linked to the ancient deity.Emotional dilemma?
Should Veronica continue to delve into the dangerous truth about her past and the cult, risking her life and possibly fulfilling the dark prophecy, or should she protect herself and stop her investigation, leaving the mystery unsolved and potentially allowing the cult to succeed?Major twists?
Veronica investigates the cult, believing it is just a story, only to discover her direct lineage to its origins, making her central to their prophecy. This revelation changes her role from observer to key player.Reversals
Veronica suspects Father Malachi might have dubious intentions and confronts him, only to learn he is also fighting against the cult from within, having escaped it years ago. This revelation changes her perception of him from potential antagonist to ally.Character betrayals?
Dr. Stone, whom Veronica trusts for her expertise, has unknowingly manipulated the research to steer Veronica toward fulfilling the cult's prophecy.Or any big surprises?
While investigating Father Malachi's past, Veronica discovers a chest of relics in his possession. Expecting to find something incriminating, she instead finds evidence that he has been actively protecting these items from the cult, proving his commitment to stopping them.Veronica’s Mysterious Link to the Cult.
The celestial event in relation to the cult’s activities adds a layer of urgency to the narrative.
Father Malachi’s Dual Role: His past involvement with the cult and current role as a priest creates a complex character that can add layers to the story, revealing secrets and moral dilemmas as he tries to reconcile his past with his faith.
Dr. Stone’s Professional Crisis: Her rival's discrediting of Dr. Stone adds a subplot that explores academic rivalry and integrity. This might also hint at a deeper involvement with the cult or other supernatural elements.
Ancient Symbols and Prophecies: The recurring motif of ancient symbols and their meanings can be a continuous element of discovery, linking past and present and possibly explaining the cult’s long-term goals.
The Lost Followers: These characters can provide varied perspectives on the cult, perhaps sharing conflicting stories that deepen the mystery and suspense, questioning who can really be trusted.
The Dynamic of Cult Influence: The influence of the cult on the town and its residents can be shown through the various strange occurrences and how they impact daily life, setting a tone of creeping dread and paranoia.
Samuel’s Kidnapping and Torture: This subplot can be used to heighten tension and stakes, showing the cult's ruthlessness and the dangers Veronica faces in her investigation. Samuel's experience could also provide key insights into the cult's inner workings and current plans.
The Unraveling of the Prophecy: As Veronica, Dr. Stone, and Father Malachi piece together the map and other clues, the prophecy can be slowly revealed, adding layers to the narrative as they try to prevent or hasten its fulfillment depending on their alignments.
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Renee’s Producer/Manager
What I learned doing this assignment is how I can pitch to both Producers and managers and the difference between the two and what they are looking for.1. Producer—I’ve been going through this with a producer who recently optioned my script. Investors were giving pushback on the main creature in the story, so I worked with the producer to come up with a creature that they could get behind. I did the rewrites the producer requested with no questions asked and no pushback. Was I disappointed in having to change my script? Sure. Did I make the changes anyway? You bet. Thanks to the many classes I’ve taken with ScreenwritingU, I always approach producers with the sole goal of making my movie, even if it means letting go of some of my favorite parts of the story.
2. Manager – I will only give them scripts that have high concepts. I will work with them and do what they suggest if it makes the story better. I will never give them stories that aren’t highly marketable, and I will be open to doing rewrites and pitching, and anything else they ask because they want to see me succeed because it means they will succeed.
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Renee’s Marketable Components
What I learned doing this assignment is how to look at my project through the marketable components and make decisions based on what a manager or producer needs.A. Unique: the journalist’s investigation into a cult with connections to the supernatural shifts the viewer’s perception of reality and horror.
B. Great Title: Veil of Shadows suggests mystery, darkness, and something hidden.
C. True: N/A
D. Timely: Cults and supernatural elements are continually popular in society and the continued fascination with true crime and investigative journalism.
E. It’s a First: N/A
F. Ultimate: the ultimate horror of merging grim human cult activities with otherworldly terrors.
G. Wide Audience Appeal: fans of horror, supernatural stories, investigative dramas, and psychological thrillers would find the horror genre combined with a mystery-thriller narrative about cults have a broad appeal.
H. Adapted from a popular book: N/A
I. Similarity to a box-office success: similar to “True Detective” for its deep investigative narrative and dark atmosphere and “Stranger Things” for its blend of supernatural elements and real-world drama.
J. A great role for a bankable actor: Veronica is a complex character with a compelling backstory and emotional depth. -
Renee’s Project & Market
What I learned doing this assignment is what I need to do to receive the most script requests after presenting my projects to those in the industry.
Genre: 1-hour Horror
Title: Veil of Shadows
Concept: A relentless journalist's investigation into her mother’s death leads her into the dark heart of a malevolent cult, where she uncovers ancient horrors that threaten to blend her reality with terrifying supernatural realms.What makes this concept most attractive is the protagonist's personal stakes and emotional engagement and the blurring of lines between reality and the paranormal with the intrigue of the cult and the unknown and hidden forces that control society.
Target Market: I usually target producers first, but I think I will target Managers first for this project.
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Renee’s Character Intrigue
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned from this assignment is why it is important to think about what lies beneath the top layer of characters. If you want to have intriguing characters you have to include a layer of intrigue.Character Name: Dr. Hope Thorn
Role: Protagonist: Serial killer turned therapist
Secrets: She keeps a hidden collection of mementos from her past kills, each tied to a significant transformation in her life, which she believes holds the key to understanding her own psychological break.
Deception: Her group believes she is a pioneering therapist who has studied criminals extensively, never revealing that her insights are drawn from personal experience.
Unspoken Wound: She is haunted by the memory of her first victim, who was strikingly similar to Lily, which causes her emotional turmoil and affects her judgment.
Secret Identity: She writes under a pseudonym, publishing articles and papers on criminal psychology that argue against punitive measures. She fears that advocates of harsher laws could expose her true identity and past.Character Name: Felix Moray
Role: Antagonist: Sole survivor out for revenge
Hidden Agendas: To use his knowledge of Dr. Thorn’s past to set her up as the person who is killing the group members.
Competition: He sees Dr. Thorn as his main competitor in a twisted game where the survival of the fittest rules. He wants to prove he can outsmart her by using her own past against her.
Deception: He portrays himself as a fragile, broken individual seeking healing, but in reality, he uses every therapy session as a reconnaissance mission to learn the vulnerabilities and secrets of the group members.
Unspoken Wound: Felix is haunted by his failure to save a loved one during the attack he survived; this drives his relentless pursuit of what he perceives as justice against those who, in his eyes, have escaped theirs. -
Renee’s Subtext Characters
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.What I learned from this assignment is the different ways to include subtext in the lead characters of my story. There are so many different ways to create subtext it’s a bit overwhelming but completely necessary when creating characters.
Movie Title: Heathers
Character Name: Veronica Sawyer
Subtext Identity: Reluctant Insider
Subtext Trait: Veronica’s intelligence and moral compass often conflict with her desire to fit in with the popular crowd.
Subtext Logline: Veronica Sawyer is a reluctant insider who navigates high school social dynamics with a critical but conflicted view, often engaging in morally dubious actions while yearning for authenticity.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
Hiding something: She hides her true disdain for the Heathers’ cruelty and her growing discomfort with J.D.’s escalating violence.
Afraid to Say: she’s often scared to voice her true opinions to the Heathers or to confront J.D. directly until things spiral out of control.
Secret: She keeps her growing doubts and moral conflicts to herself, especially as her involvement with J.D. leads to darker outcomes.
Lying: Veronica frequently lies to her parents, school authorities, and peers to cover up the true nature of the deaths happening around her.
Withholding: she withholds her true feelings and doubts about the social structure of her school and her place in it.
Being polite: she often uses politeness and superficial niceties to navigate the perilous waters of high school popularity.
Plotting: while initially not as calculated as J.D., Veronica ultimately plots to stop him when she realizes the full extent of his plans.Character Name: Dr. Hope Thorn
Subtext Identity: Guardian with a Guilty Conscience
Subtext Trait: she constantly battles her own urges and guilt, leading her to be overly protective yet secretive.
Subtext Logline: Dr. Thorn is a guardian with a guilty conscience who secretly manipulates situations to ensure her past remains hidden.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
Hiding something: Dr. Thorn hides her true identity and past crimes from everyone around her.
Secret: She maintains a secret repository of her old belongings, which link back to her crimes.
Being Polite: Maintains a professional and caring demeanor to mask her inner turmoil and suspicions.
Plotting: subtly maneuvers her clients and others around her to avoid suspicion or discovery.Character Name: Felix Moray
Subtext Identity: The vengeful victim
Subtext Trait: His overt display of vulnerability and need for therapy is a façade for his calculating, revenge-driven true self.
Subtext Logline: Felix Moray is a vengeful victim who meticulously plans the downfall of each group member while presenting himself as a fellow sufferer in need of support.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
Lying: He consistently lies about his motivations and feelings to blend into the group.
Withholding: he withholds his true identity and past experiences from the group to prevent them from suspecting his motives.
Being polite: uses politeness as a tool to gain trust and lower defenses.
Plotting: every interaction with the group members is calculated step towards his ultimate goal of revenge. -
Renee's Actor Attractors
What I learned from this assignment is how to look at my characters and make decisions that would make them attractive to actors. There is a lot more that goes into creating engaging characters than I originally thought.
Lead Character Name: Dr. Hope Thorn
Known for Role: Playing Dr. Hope Thorn is a deeply complex character who balances the dual identity of a healer and a former killer.Most Interesting Character: She struggles with her own violent past while trying to guide others toward redemption, embodying a stark contrast between her past and present self.
Interesting Actions: Hope could lead tense group therapy sessions, expose her own past in critical moments to manipulate outcomes, and use her knowledge of criminal psychology to track down the new killer.
Introduction: Introduce Dr. Thorn in a therapy session, calmly handling a volatile confrontation among group members, showcasing her control and deep understanding of the killer's psyche.
Emotional Range: She goes from calm and composed to intensely vulnerable and fearful, which shows her inner turmoil and the weight of her dark secrets.
Subtext: She is hiding her past as a serial killer while trying to help her serial killer clients come to terms with themselves and their past actions.Interesting Relationships: Her relationships with her patients, who are also potential threats, provide a complex relational dynamic to explore.
Unique Voice: Her voice is both soothing and commanding, reflecting her dual role as therapist and former killer, with occasional slips that hint at her darker side.
Special: Her unique position as a healer who once was a killer offers an unparalleled psychological depth, exploring themes of guilt, redemption, and the nature of evil.
Lead Character Name: Felix Moray
Known for Role: It gives an actor a chance to delve into the psyche of a deeply scarred individual who seeks vengeance under the facade of needing help.
Most Interesting Character: His dual nature —posing as a victim while meticulously planning revenge, makes him interesting and creates a thrilling and unpredictable character.
Interesting Actions: Felix could ingeniously manipulate group dynamics, set elaborate traps for his targets, and reveal his true intentions in dramatic fashion.
Introduction: Felix is a new, seemingly vulnerable member of the group, gradually unveiling his calculating and vengeful nature as his backstory unfolds.
Emotional Range: Felix would start by showing vulnerability and sorrow, then switching to cold, calculated anger and satisfaction as he enacts his revenge.
Subtext: Felix’s subtext revolves around themes of justice and retribution, often blurring the lines between victimhood and villainy.
Interesting Relationships: His relationships are laced with deception; his dynamic with Dr. Thorn, as both his target and potential confidante, adds layers of tension and intrigue.
Unique Voice: Felix's voice is calm and collected, hiding a sharp, calculating mind. His words often carry double meanings, reflecting his complex motives.
Special: The juxtaposition of his victim status with his role as a methodical avenger makes him a uniquely compelling character, especially as his plans unfold with dramatic irony and suspense.
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Renee’s Actor Attractors for Heathers
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.What I learned from this assignment is what I need to consider as I develop my characters. This was especially helpful as I develop my dark comedy.
Movie Title: Heathers
Lead Character Name: Veronica Sawyer
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
Veronica is a complex, intelligent, and morally conflicted character. This role is different from the typical teen characters because it blends dark humor with a serious critique of social dynamics.2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
In the film, Veronica navigates the challenges of high school hierarchy with moral ambiguity and cunning. Over the course of the film she transforms from a follower of the Heathers to someone who takes a stand against them and the other students at the top of the food chain with the help of J.D.3. What are the most interesting actions the lead takes in the movie?
She plots the deaths of the popular students and fakes a suicide note, which is both bold and underpins the darkly comedic tone of the film.4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
She is introduced as part of the popular crowd but is quickly set apart by her intelligence and her skepticism toward their cruelty. This makes her a relatable protagonist who is stuck in a morally dubious world.5. What is this character’s emotional range?
Throughout the film, she displays a wide range of emotions, from disillusionment and fear to love and courage.6. What subtext can the actor play?
She has the internal conflict of desiring popularity and being repulsed by the actions required to become and maintain it. The character's dialog is full of layers of irony and cynicism, especially in her private moments and voice-overs.7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character has?
Her relationship with JD is central to both the plot and her development throughout the movie. The relationship starts as romantic but evolves into a complex dynamic as his sociopathic tendencies are revealed.8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
Veronica’s unique voice blends wit, intelligence, and underlying morality. Through her cynical observations, she provides a commentary on the absurdity of social norms in high school that differentiates her voice from the typical teenage protagonist.9. What makes this character special and unique?
She evolved from a complicit member of a toxic clique to a strong, independent thinker who challenged the status quo.10. A scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor Model.
The scene right after the funeral for the two football players when she is writing in her diary. -
Hi,
I’m ready for a second round of feedback if anyone is interested.
Renee -
Renee’s Genre Conventions
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned from this assignment is how to build the genre conventions into your outline to ensure you give the audience what they expect. I am stepping outside my comfort zone and working on a dark comedy, so this was a nice lesson to revisit.
Title: Killer Support
Concept:
Genre: Dark ComedyComedy Conventions:
Purpose: to entertain the audience with laughter-inducing moments.
Incongruence: a support group for serial killers with the therapist being a reformed serial killer.
Mechanics of Comedy: setups/punchline, fish out of water set up, absurd situations,
Comedic protagonist: She plays the ‘straight man’ during the amusing situations.
Strong Story: it’s a story about redemption that just happens to be about serial killers.Act 1: Setup and Rising Suspicion
Opening (Cold Open Murder Sequence):
Comedy Convention: Begin with a darkly comic tone by showing the killer meticulously trying to recreate a historical crime, only to be comically interrupted by modern inconveniences like a smartphone ringing or a curious pizza delivery person.Inciting Incident:
Comedy Convention: When the murder is discovered, instead of horror, the group’s reaction is absurdly analytical, critiquing the murder style as if reviewing a piece of art or a wine tasting, blending dark humor with the macabre.Turning Point:
Comedy Convention: As Hope begins her investigation, she might use humorously inappropriate CSI-like techniques, using kitchen gadgets or consulting cheesy detective novels as guides, showcasing her incongruent approach to detective work.Act 2: Deepening Mystery and Misdirection
New Plan:
Comedy Convention: Hope could try to use a sophisticated drone for surveillance, only for it to be hilariously inept—crashing into walls, startling cats, and eventually being swatted down by an annoyed group member.Plan in Action:
Comedy Convention: Each new murder, while grim, is discovered in increasingly bizarre circumstances (e.g., during a group trust fall exercise), playing up the incongruity of trying to bond while being potential murderers.Midpoint Turning Point:
Comedy Convention: The murder of Marcus, initially suspected, is revealed in a comically dramatic fashion, perhaps during a live vlog session Marcus was recording, making it a viral sensation.Act 3: Rethinking Everything
Rethink Everything:
Comedy Convention: Hope’s self-doubt leads to absurd existential questioning in front of a mirror, parodying famous monologues from classic films.New Plan:
Comedy Convention: Sharing past crimes turns into a bizarre show-and-tell, where members humorously one-up each other with increasingly petty confessions, like stealing a famous dog or accidentally inventing a notorious internet meme.
Turning Point:
Comedy Convention: The irony that another murder happens despite the new, open approach could be underscored by a murder occurring in the background during a group hug.Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Climax:
Comedy Convention: In the climactic session, as Hope confronts Felix, she might accidentally psychoanalyze herself instead, leading to self-revelations and accidental confessions that are embarrassingly off-point but hilarious.Resolution:
Comedy Convention: Felix attempts to escape on what he thinks is a speedy electric scooter, but it turns out to be a hilariously slow children’s toy. The chase becomes a slow-motion pursuit down a busy sidewalk with Felix desperately trying to speed up. -
Renee’s 4-Act Transformational Structure
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.Doing this assignment, I learned is how to take a 3-Act structure and turn it into a 4-Act structure using the protagonist’s old way and new ways.
Concept: A darkly comedic setup where the killers' quest for redemption turns into a survival against their own crimes, masterminded by an unassuming victim.
Main Conflict: Tension between the desire for redemption among the group members and the deadly threat posed by a vengeful victim infiltrating their ranks.
Old Ways:
– she’s secretive
– cautious
– controlling of her environment and interactions to keep her past a secret.
– Uses her insights into the killer’s mind defensively to keep her façade and group in order.New Ways:
– She embraces her past and uses it as a tool for teaching
– Empathizes with others
– Becomes open about her past
– Connects more genuinely with her members
– Leads with integrity and authenticityAct 1: Setup and Rising Suspicion
Opening (Cold Open Murder Sequence): The film starts with a murder that mimics a historical crime in chilling detail, establishing the eerie dualistic tone from the start.
Inciting Incident: Following a therapy session, a group member is found murdered in a style reminiscent of their past crimes, thrusting Dr. Hope Thorn into a macabre mystery within her own reformed support group.
Turning Point: As the group's trust begins to fray, Hope takes it upon herself to investigate the murders, aiming to protect her group and uncover the truth.
Act 2: Deepening Mystery and Misdirection
New Plan: Hope dedicates herself to closely monitoring group interactions and gathering clues, becoming even more controlling and secretive in her methods.Plan in Action: The tension escalates with subsequent murders, each following the disturbing pattern of mimicking past crimes. Hope's suspicions initially point towards Marcus Vale.
Midpoint Turning Point: The murder of Marcus Vale, found styled like the others, shocks Hope and the group, disrupting her initial theories and thrusting Felix Moray, previously a background figure, into a possible new suspect role.
Act 3: Rethinking Everything
Rethink Everything: With her suspicions about Marcus proven wrong, Hope is forced to reconsider her approach and everyone's roles, including her own.
New Plan: Hope shifts from a defensive to a more vulnerable stance, sharing more about her own past with the group in an attempt to foster openness and catch the killer off-guard.
Turning Point: Major shift occurs when another member is killed despite Hope's new approach, leading her to suspect Felix Moray, who has been quietly insightful yet oddly detached.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Climax: In a tense and climactic group session, Hope uses herself as bait in a calculated psychological trap to expose Felix. Felix inadvertently reveals he knows details only the killer would, confirming his guilt.
Resolution: Felix Moray is apprehended, his motive revealed as a distorted quest for vengeance against those he believed undeserving of redemption. The group begins to truly heal, learning from the harrowing experience.
Epilogue
New Beginnings: The mansion continues as a sanctuary for those seeking redemption. New members arrive, symbolizing the renewal of the group's purpose and Hope’s resolve to lead with transparency and integrity. -
Hi,
If anyone else is ready to exchange feedback I’m ready.
Renee -
Renee’s Subtext Plots
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
Doing this assignment, I learned why it is so important to create subtext plots in your movie. Being able to determine this early on will help me write an intriguing script with more meaning than what’s on the surface. I had already considered the someone hides who they are subtext plot but found that, thanks to AI, the fish out of water subtext plot could work really well with the someone hides who they are plot.
Concept: At a support group for reformed killers, members are ironically murdered in the style of their own past crimes, turning their recovery into a fight for survival
Subtext Plot:
1. Someone Hides Who They Are
Felix Moray joins the group under the pretense of seeking help, but his true agenda is revenge. His journey from a silent observer to the main antagonist unfolds through subtle clues and his interactions with Dr. Thorn and Lily Harper. The tension builds until his identity and intentions are explosively revealed, drastically shifting the group’s dynamics.
2. Fish Out of Water
Dr. Hope Thorn, despite being a reformed killer turned therapist, finds herself completely out of her depth as she tries to prevent further murders while grappling with her own violent impulses. Her struggle to maintain her new identity in an environment that constantly threatens to drag her back into old habits provides darkly comedic moments and tense drama.
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Renee’s Transformational Journey
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about the transformational journey of the protagonist by thinking about their old ways and new ways. I can see how important it is to create the journey before writing a single scene so you have a good road map of scenes that you need to create to implement the transformational journey.
Character: Dr. Hope Thorn
Arc Beginning: She harbors guilt and fears over her past as a serial killer, which she conceals under a façade of control and care. She struggles to reconcile her past with her current identity.
Arc Ending: She acknowledges her actions to herself and her group and emerges as a more authentic leader who no longer hides behind her secrets but uses her experiences to empower others.
Internal Journey: She battles with self-doubt and guilt, but through the crisis within the group and confronting Felix, she learns to forgive herself and accept that her past doesn’t define her future.
External Journey: She is active in trying to solve the mysterious murders, protecting her members, and confronting Felix. She shifts from defensive strategies to protect her secret to proactive measures to protect her members.
Old Ways:
– she’s secretive
– cautious
– controlling of her environment and interactions to keep her past a secret.
– Uses her insights into the killer’s mind defensively to keep her façade and group in order.
New Ways:
– She embraces her past and uses it as a tool for teaching
– Empathizes with others
– Becomes open about her past
– Connects more genuinely with her members
– Leads with integrity and authenticity
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Renee’s Intentional Lead Characters
My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create characters unique to the story being told and how important it is to make sure that your characters aren’t able to appear in any other movie.
Character: Dr. Helena Frost – Protagonist
Logline: A reformed serial killer turned therapist, she attempts to guide others like her toward redemption, while her own bloody past threatens to resurface and unravel her new life of healing and secrecy
Unique: Helena’s dual identity as both healer and killer provides a complex foundation for the tension in the story as she tries to navigate her own inner conflict and the external threats posed by the group’s mysterious murders.
Character: Vincent Clarke – Antagonist
Logline: The sole survivor of a brutal attack, Vincent Clarke infiltrates a support group for killers with a secret agenda of revenge, meticulously planning the downfall of each member to mirror their own historical crimes.
Unique: Vincent embodies the ultimate betrayal within the group, serving as both a victim and someone out for revenge. His search for justice against his former aggressor, under the guise of seeking help, will add a chilling layer of suspense and moral ambiguity to the story.
Character: Lily Harper – Triangle Character
Logline: the youngest member of the support group, she battles her violent impulses while torn between her growing trust in her mentor and the disruptive insights of a fellow group member, all under the shadow of her own unstable past.
Unique: She represents the potential for change and the dangers of regression, embodying the central struggle of the group and serving as the emotional heart of the story, which resonates with themes of hope and fear.
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My Vision: I will be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an A-list screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.
What I learned doing this assignment is the different character structures that can be used in your film.
Title: Killer Support
Genre: Dark Comedy
Concept: At a support group for reformed killers, members are ironically murdered in the style of their own past crimes, turning their recovery into a fight for survival
Character Structure: Protagonist vs. Antagonist
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Renee’s Dialogue 1 + 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that I still struggle with dialog. But, like with any skill the more I practice it the better I’ll get at it.
Original Scene:
INT. PROPERTY ROOM – DAY
James walks into the room and greets DARLA, 40s, with a wide smile.
JAMES
Hey Darla. Ms. Thornfield here needs her personal belongings.
Veronica comes up behind him and waves to Darla. Darla smirks.
DARLA
Sure thing. Give me a minute.
VERONICA
Take your time.
Veronica leans on the counter as Darla gets up and disappears in the back. James studies her a moment.
JAMES
Let me ask you something, Veronica. Is it worth it?
Veronica turns to him puzzled.
VERONICA
Is what worth it?
JAMES
The job. Getting arrested? Is it worth it?
Veronica studies him for a moment.
VERONICA
Is your job worth it?
JAMES
Absolutely.
VERONICA
Even with the long hours and horrible things you see daily.
Darla comes back to the desk and sets Veronica’s belongings, her purse, phone, keys and a small envelope.
DARLA
So, what’d they get you for this time?
JAMES
Breaking and entering.
DARLA
Dang. That’s some serious shit. I hope you have a good lawyer.
She looks down at the tray and picks up the envelope. It is plain, with no markings. She turns it over.
For a brief moment, the objects on the counter blur, their outlines shimmering like a mirage. Veronica blinks. Everything snaps back into focus.
VERONICA
This isn’t mine.
She tries to hand it back to Darla. Darla shakes her head and puts out a hand to reject the envelop.
DARLA
Sorry. If it was in your stuff, it’s yours.
Veronica turns the envelop over before stuffing it into her back pocket.
JAMES
Come on, I’ll walk you out.
Veronica smiles and taps the desk.
VERONICA
Catch you later, D.
DARLA
I’m sure I’ll see you soon.
James and Veronica walk toward the exit.
Improved Scene:
INT. PROPERTY ROOM – DAY
James walks into the room and greets DARLA, 50s, with a wide smile.
JAMES
Hey Darla. Ms. Thornfield here needs her personal belongings.
Veronica comes up behind him and waves to Darla. Darla smirks. She stands up and leans over the counter, fisted hand outstretched.
Veronica smiles and engages in a complicated-looking “secret” handshake. James rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
DARLA
You get caught stealing candy from those giant corporate babies again?
VERONICA
Nah. I wasn’t quick enough to actually steal anything; it seems my accomplice turtle wasn’t exactly quick enough in our escape.
DARLA
I guess you should start thinking about a career change. Perhaps competitive snail racing?
Veronica lets out a booming laugh.
VERONICA
Competitive snail racing? Maybe, but I’m not ready to hang up the ole’ shell.
DARLA
Right, right. You, the baddie from Basile.
JAMES
Don’t encourage her.
Darla and Veronica chuckle.
DARLA
I’ll go grab your stuff.
VERONICA
I’ll be here.
Veronica leans on the counter as Darla gets up and disappears in the back. James studies her for a moment.
JAMES
Let me ask you something, Veronica. Is it worth it?
Veronica turns to him, puzzled.
VERONICA
Is what worth it?
JAMES
The job. Getting arrested? Is it worth it?
Veronica studies him for a moment.
VERONICA
Is your job worth it?
JAMES
Absolutely.
VERONICA
Even with the long hours and daily horrors?
Darla returns to the desk with a tray and Veronica’s belongings, purse, phone, keys, and a small envelope on the desk. The lights behind Darla flicker.
Veronica looks down at the tray and spots the envelope. It is plain, with no markings. An eerie, almost inaudible sound catches Veronica’s attention. She looks around the room.
She looks at Darla, brows raised, but Darla doesn’t seem to hear it. She looks down and reaches for her belongings.
For a brief moment, the objects on the counter blur, their outlines shimmering like a mirage. Veronica blinks. Everything snaps back into focus.
She reaches for the envelope, her hand trembling.
VERONICA
This isn’t mine.
She tries to hand it back to Darla, but Darla shakes her head and puts out a hand to reject the envelope.
DARLA
You think I have the time to be putting extra shit in people’s property inventory? If it’s in your property bag, it’s yours.
James smirks. Veronica turns the envelope over before stuffing it into her back pocket.
JAMES
Come on, I’ll walk you out.
Veronica smiles and taps the desk.
VERONICA
Catch you later, D.
DARLA
I’m sure I’ll see you soon.
James and Veronica walk toward the exit.
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Renee Completed P/S Grid #2
What I learned doing this assignment is how to look at each scene for enhancement rather than trying to make changes based on the entirety of the script. It is much easier to evaluate each scene and look for improvements that will enhance the overall story and script.
After going through the grid I realized I needed to work on the following:
Character intros not strong
scenes were not as intriguing as they could be
Not enough empathy and distress for the characters.
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Renee’s Completed P/S Grid #1
What I learned doing this assignment is how to look at the separate parts of your script, pull out single problems, and fix them one at a time. It is much easier to look at the big-picture items to see what isn’t working and fix them one at a time rather than trying to fix the entire script, especially if you can’t see where the issues are.
Weak Turning Points—My third-act turning point wasn’t very strong. So, I looked at the scene and found a way to add more intensity, more stakes for the protagonist, and more reaction from the protagonist at the discovery of her name in an ancient tome.
Weak Conflict – I had no stakes for the protagonist in the first draft. Now, I’ve upped the stakes for the protagonist and the world at large.
Not Enough Intrigue – since my script is a supernatural horror, I added more elements that give it more of a supernatural feel that has helped to increase the intrigue throughout the pilot.
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I Renee Miller agree that as a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi. I’m Renee. I have written 5 features and a TV pilot. I’m hoping to continue improving my skills and learning more about how AI can help increase my productivity. Something unique about me is that I was a Junior Olympic Archer in my youth and almost made it to the Olympics.
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Renee’s Teaser/High-Speed Writing
What I learned from this assignment is that I get better at writing at a high speed as I practice it. I learned this method during the Writing Incredible Movies class but have struggled with it since. Having this refresher has been great and I hope to be able to continue to write my first drafts at a high speed.
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Renee’s Setting Up the Future
What I learned doing this assignment is how to look at ways to set up future events in the pilot to keep audiences watching the series.
Setup: During Act 1, after Veronica is bailed out by Father Malachi, she finds the letter among her returned belongings, sparking her curiosity and suspicion.
Reveal: Veronica’s father is revealed to have been a high-ranking member of the cult, potentially sacrificed to advance their cause.
Setup: In Act 2, after Veronica discovers the symbols in the CEO’s logbooks, we see a brief shot of Samuel watching her, hinting at his involvement and knowledge.
Reveal: Samuel’s true identity as the cult leader and the murderer of Veronica’s father is exposed.
Setup: During Act 3, Dr. Stone asks Veronica pointed questions about the symbols, and we glimpse her private collection of similar artifacts, suggesting her hidden agenda.
Reveal: Dr. Stone’s ambitions to use the ancient stones for personal gain become evident.
Setup: In Act 4, Father Malachi is seen quickly stashing away an ancient manuscript when Veronica enters his office, indicating his secretive research.
Reveal: Father Malachi’s struggle with his past and the church’s dark involvement with the cult.
Setup: In several scenes throughout the pilot, televisions in the background play news stories of strange occurrences, setting up the cult’s far-reaching impact.
Reveal: The global influence of the cult through supernatural means is unveiled.
Setup: In Act 3, Veronica’s triggered memory of being kidnapped by the cult includes glimpses of a symbol that is later revealed to be part of her lineage’s crest.
Reveal: Veronica’s lineage is directly tied to the cult, making her a key figure in their prophecy.
Setup: Towards the end of Act 5, Samuel is shown in a clandestine meeting, handing over what appears to be a piece of the ancient map to a shadowy figure, his face half-hidden, suggesting duplicity.
Reveal: Samuel’s manipulation of events for the cult’s gain is discovered.
Setup: In the teaser or during Act 1, a glimpse of the stone altar shows an inscription marking a significant celestial alignment, subtly tying it to the date of Veronica’s arrest.
Reveal: The cult’s plan to awaken an ancient deity is closer to fruition than previously thought.
Set Up: Someone rescues Veronica at the last possible moment from the cult’s ritual when she was a teenager.
Reveal: Father Malachi, at the behest of Veronica’s father, rescues Veronica from the clutches of the cult, and her father is killed because of it.
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Renee’s Adding Empathy/Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about my characters and how even though none of them are necessarily likeable because they all cross moral and ethical boundaries, there are plenty of ways to make them more empathetic to the audience.
Teaser:
Undeserved Misfortune: Veronica is kidnapped by the cult.
Act 1:
Undeserved Misfortune/Major Loss: Veronica’s mother is murdered by the cult.
Plot Intruding on Life: The symbols Veronica discovers that link her personal loss to her professional investigation cause distress.
Act 2:
Plans that failed/Major Loss: Dr. Isabella Stone’s academic ridicule and her ambitious plans that aren’t always successful.
Forced Decision: Veronica must revisit her mother’s murder which brings her into the world of the cult.
Act 3:
Extreme Consequences: Veronica’s investigation leads to the revelation of ancient horrors with unknown impacts on her and the rest of the world.
Hurt Those They Love: Veronica’s relentless pursuit inadvertently puts Emily and others close to her in danger.
Act 4:
Witnessing the Pain of Others: Father Malachi’s troubled past and his desire for redemption as he tries to help the lost followers who have been abused by the cult for years.
Betrayal: Father Malachi’s deeper connection to the cult.
Act 5:
Exposed: Father Malachi being more familiar with the cult than he has let on
External Character Conflicts: Samuel’s role as the cult leader who poses as a lost follower gaining Veronica’s trust.
Brings Their Wound Present: Veronica discovers that her mother was an integral part of the cult before her murder.
Crucible: Samuel’s appearance at Father Malachi’s bloodied and broken.
Emotional Dilemma: Both Veronica and Dr. Stone must choose between their ambitions and ethical boundaries of the investigation.
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Renee Stacks Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that ChatGPT isn’t the end all be all when it comes to building intrigue into your outline. Many of the suggestions from ChatGPT included things layers that would essentially need to come after the turning point for an Act, but the answers I received from it pushed my creativity to come up with better intrigue layers leading up to the turning points of the act.
Teaser:
Intrigue: (Intriguing World) The ancient mansion, stormy night, and hooded figures provide a glimpse into a world where the occult is very much alive.
Intrigue: (Mystery) Veronica’s presence on the alter hints at a personal connection to the cult’s activities, raising the questions about her role and significance.
Intrigue: (Secret) As the hood is draped over Veronica’s head viewers are left questioning the ritual and its consequences.
Turning Point: The ritual begins, hinting at Veronica’s importance to the cult.
Improve:
Act 1:
Intrigue: (Intriguing World) While searching a CEO’s office she finds mysterious symbols written throughout a logbook right before she is arrested for breaking and entering.
Intrigue: (Secret) Veronica shows Father Malachi the symbols she found in the CEO’s office and he becomes anxious and visibly disturbed.
Intrigue: (Intriguing World) A lost follower is waiting for Father Malachi when they reach his former church.
Turning Point: Studying the symbols she found in the logbook triggers a memory of Veronica being kidnapped by the cult.
Improve: Veronica’s mother left cryptic clues behind, increasing the emotional stakes.
Act 2:
Intrigue: (Conspiracy) The cryptic symbols in the CEO’s logbooks suggest a larger conspiracy at play, connecting corporate power to occult practices.
Intrigue: (Hidden Layer) Veronica finds an old, encrypted journal of her mother’s belongings, leading Veronica to question everything she knew about her mother and her own past.
Intrigue: (Mystery) Veronica starts experiencing unexplained phenomena that guide her towards hidden truths about the cult and her family.
Turning Point: The discovery of the same symbols at her mother’s grave, linking past and present.
Improve: Veronica’s visions are tied to her unresolved grief over her mother’s death, and her determination to uncover the truth becomes a way for her to process her loss and find closure.
Act 3:
Intrigue: (Mystery) Veronica receives anonymous cryptic messages that contain symbols that are keys to unlocking the prophecy. The source of the messages is a mystery.
Intrigue: (Secret) As Veronica and Dr. Stone delve deeper into her family’s past to understand the cult’s interest in her, she uncovers hidden letters from a deceased relative that hint at a secret deeply entwined with the cult’s history, suggesting her lineage is significant to the cult’s prophecy.
Intrigue: (Conspiracy) Veronica and Dr. Stone become aware that they are being closely watched by the cult.
Turning Point: Veronica and Dr. Stone discover an ancient prophecy.
Improve: Incorporate visual or auditory hallucinations that hint at the cult’s supernatural influence, blurring reality for Veronica and the audience.
Act 4:
Intrigue: (Secret) Father Malachi’s introduction of the lost followers suggests a deeper involvement in the cult that Father Malachi has admitted.
Intrigue: (Deception) The escaped cult members’ testimonies conflict, suggesting not all of them may be trustworthy or have escaped at all.
Intrigue: (Hidden Agenda) Father Malachi’s actions become increasingly ambiguous suggesting he might have a hidden agenda related to the cult and the relics he stole from them.
Turning Point: the lost followers give Veronica a map of ancient sites crucial to the cult’s rituals.
Improve: Utilize dynamic flashback sequences that correlate with the stories of the escaped cult members, visually representing their testimonies and adding depth to their credibility or deceit.
Act 5:
Intrigue: (Hidden Agenda) Father Malachi’s past dealings with the cult come to light, revealing that his relationship with them is more complicated than previously thought. His attempts to atone for his past actions are juxtaposed with his current efforts to help Veronica, suggesting that his redemption arc may have hidden motives or unintended consequences.
Intrigue: (Mystery) Dr. Stone receives an important artifact about the cult from a mysterious benefactor.
Intrigue: (Wound) Veronica finds a picture of her mother deeply entrenched in the cult, along with her father.
Lock In/Turning Point: Samuel, posing as a lost follower, is thrown onto Father Malachi’s porch, bloodied and beaten with a message to Veronica from the cult.
Improve: highlight the psychological impact of the anonymous threats and the paranoias they instill. Show how the stress affects Veronica’s relationships with her allies, adding depth to her character and raising the stakes of her investigation.
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Renee’s Layers and Reveals
I learned to use the information I have already figured out to create new layers and reveals to make my show more intriguing.
Character Layers:
Veronica’s Surface Layer: Veronica is an investigative journalist.
Layer: Secret Identity: Veronica’s deep ties to the cult through lineage, hinting she might be more involved than a journalist.
Reveal: her investigation and the discovery of her mother in the cult’s ritual picture hints at a lineage deeply embedded within the cult.
Isabella’s Surface Layer: An archaeologist discredited for her interest in cults.
Layer: Her ambition to control malevolent entities for power is masked as an academic curiosity.
Reveal: Veronica, in her investigative journalist role, digs into Dr. Stone’s digital footprint—emails, academic forums, and encrypted files. She discovers correspondence that hints at Dr. Stone’s dealings with questionable individuals and her search for specific relics. This digital trail showcases Dr. Stone’s hidden agenda and the lengths she’ll go to for her ambitions.
Father Malachi’s Surface Layer: a clergy member offering spiritual insights.
Layer: his internal conflict between redemption and the temptation of the stolen relics.
Reveal: Father Malachi faces a critical moment where he must choose between using the power of the relics for an immediate, seemingly righteous purpose or adhering to his moral compass and faith. This could be a situation where using a relic’s power could save a life or avert disaster, yet doing so would compromise his principles. His choice and the internal agony it causes reveal the depth of his struggle between the temptation of power and his quest for redemption.
Plot Layers:
Surface: Veronica’s investigation into the cult.
Deeper Layer: the cult’s plan that involves Veronica directly as the key to fulfilling the ancient prophecy.
Reveal: The cryptic symbols and their connection to Veronica’s lineage, and the revelation of the prophecy that points to her significant role, uncovered through her and Dr. Stone’s investigation.
Surface: Father Malachi’s assistance to Veronica
Deeper Layer: church officials involved in the cult history could be blackmailing Malachi with his past involvement with the cult.
Reveal: Through a series of investigative efforts by Veronica or another character, a hidden conspiracy within the church is uncovered that ties directly to Father Malachi’s past and his possession of the relics. This could involve secret meetings, coded messages found in church documents, or a whistleblower from within the church revealing the depth of the conspiracy. The discovery would expose Malachi’s personal stakes in the plot and illuminate his complex relationship with the church and the cult.
Situation Layers:
Surface: Veronica’s investigation into the cult.
Deeper Layer: the cult’s plan that involves Veronica directly as the key to fulfilling the ancient prophecy.
Reveal: The cryptic symbols and their connection to Veronica’s lineage, and the revelation of the prophecy that points to her significant role, uncovered through her and Dr. Stone’s investigation.
Surface: Dr. Stone’s discredited theories on cult symbols.
Deeper Layer: A trap – The public discreditation is part of the cult’s plan to keep their secrets hidden, orchestrated by high-ranking members including those in the academic field.
Reveal: A benefactor who has been supporting Dr. Stone’s research is revealed to have ties to the cult. Initially presented as a savior who believes in her work, it becomes clear that their financial and logistical support kept Dr. Stone’s research under surveillance and control. The benefactor’s true motives are uncovered through a leaked confidential meeting recording or a betrayal by an insider.
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Renee’s Character Story Lines
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to go through this step. I realized that the character turning points and act turning points were not as strong as I would have liked so I was able to spend some time brainstorming to try and come up with better turning points for the characters. While they aren’t perfect yet, they are getting closer.
Teaser:
Scene Setup: On a stormy night, inside an ancient mansion, hooded figures conduct a terrifying ritual around a stone altar. A teenage Veronica lies on the altar, the tension palpable. As a hood is draped over her head, the screen cuts to black, setting a haunting tone. (Make sure that symbols are shown in different ways in this scene)
Act 1: Introduction to the World and Characters
(Veronica Opening) Veronica is arrested for breaking and entering a corporate office where she finds mysterious symbols in the CEO’s logbook.
(Father Malachi Opening) Father Malachi bails Veronica out, hinting at his complex relationship with her and his own troubled past, intertwined with the cult and its dark influence.
Turning Point: Studying the symbols she found in the logbook triggers a memory of Veronica being kidnapped by the cult.
Act 2: Conflict Introduction Leading to Midpoint
Essence: Veronica seeks out Dr. Stone’s expertise about the mysterious symbols she found.
(Dr. Isabella Stone Opening) Dr. Stone, an archaeologist with a keen interest in cults is introduced at a prestigious archaeological conference, her groundbreaking presentation on cultic symbols and their power is publicly discredited by a rival, casting doubt on her research and integrity. (Make sure to show a couple of symbols from the teaser)
(Veronica TP 1) Veronica finds the same cryptic symbols on her mother’s grave and she seeks out Dr. Stone’s help.
(Stone’s TP 1) Veronica shows up with the cryptic symbols and asks for her help.
(Father M’s TP 1) He finds evidence that the church has historical connections to the cult, triggering a crisis of faith.
Turning Point: Dr. Stone refuses to help Veronica because she doesn’t want to risk further damage to her reputation.
Act 3: Uncertainty and Deepening of Character Layers
Essence: Veronica and Dr. Stone team up to investigate the cult.
(Stone’s Midpoint) She is swayed by Veronica’s evidence that supports her discredited theories and agrees to help Veronica.
(Veronica’s Midpoint) She learns of her lineage’s deep ties to the cult, complicating her mission.
(Father Malachi’s Midpoint) He brings supplies to a group of lost followers of the cult.
Turning Point: Veronica and Dr. Stone uncover part of an ancient prophecy.
Act 4: Major Complications and Efforts to Resolve Uncertainty
(Veronica TP 2) Veronica discovers the underground network of escaped cult members that could help in her journey to uncover the truth.
(Dr. Stone TP 2) Dr. Stone discovers a reference to powerful relics within the cult that could.
Turning Point: the lost followers give Veronica a map of ancient sites crucial to the cult’s rituals.
Act 5: Locking Characters into the Journey
(Father Malachi Ending) It is revealed that Father Malachi is in possession of stolen relics revealing his deeper involvement in the cult and the tempting power the relics hold over him.
(Veronica Ending) Finds a picture of her mother standing alongside members of the cult as they perform a ritual.
(Dr. Stone’s Ending) She receives an important artifact about the cult from a mysterious benefactor.
Lock In/Turning Point: Samuel, posing as a lost follower, is thrown onto Father Malachi’s porch, bloodied and beaten with a message to Veronica from the cult.
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Renee’s Pilot Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create a compelling pilot structure by looking at the framework for the show.
Teaser:
Scene Setup: On a stormy night, inside an ancient mansion, hooded figures conduct a terrifying ritual around a stone altar. A teenage Veronica lies on the altar, the tension palpable. As a hood is draped over her head, the screen cuts to black, setting a haunting tone.
Act 1: Introduction to the World and Characters
Opening Scene: Veronica is arrested for breaking and entering, showcasing her relentless pursuit of truth.
Development: Father Malachi, with a troubled past, bails her out, highlighting their complex relationship.
Turning Point: Father Malachi mentions Veronica’s mother, emphasizing the personal stakes and Veronica’s reckless pursuit of her story.
Act 2: Conflict Introduction Leading to Midpoint
Conflict: Veronica discovers cryptic symbols in a CEO’s logbooks during her break in, linking her professional investigation to her personal loss.
Turning Point: Finding the same symbol at her mother’s grave connects Veronica’s past and present, unveiling a vast world of horror.
Act 3: Uncertainty and Deepening of Character Layers
Deepening Conflict: Veronica teams up with Dr. Isabella Stone, delving deeper into the cult’s mysteries and her family’s dark legacy.
Turning Point: Discovering her lineage’s ties to the cult shifts Veronica’s understanding of herself and her mission, intensifying the personal conflict.
Act 4: Major Complications and Efforts to Resolve Uncertainty
Complications: Father Malachi introduces Veronica to escaped cult members, revealing an underground network that could help them combat the cult.
Turning Point: The group’s trust in Veronica grows after they share a crucial piece of the puzzle—a map of ancient sites crucial to the cult’s ritual.
Act 5: Locking Characters into the Journey
Resolution: Veronica’s determination to stop the cult solidifies, as the stakes are now higher than ever with the revelation of the cult’s plan.
Cliffhanger: Samuel’s dramatic appearance at Father Malachi’s doorstep, beaten and bearing a warning about the cult’s imminent plans, underscores the urgent need to act and reveals the depth of his involvement, leaving viewers eager for the next episode.
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Renee’s Amazing Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment was how to look at the pilot as the inciting incident for the show. Taking the time to discover the different beats that will leave the audience wanting more is something that I had never thought of before.
Intriguing Concept: A journalist is plunged into the shadowy world of a malevolent cult and their quest to awaken a long forgotten deity and discovers she is the key to fulfilling a centuries old prophecy to awaken the deity.
First Act: Veronica is thrown in jail for breaking the law in order to get the story. Father Malachi bails her out and he reminds her about her dead mother and how she would be disappointed in Veronica. She brushes him off and completes her story before heading to her mother’s grave.
Midpoint: Veronica discovers a cryptic symbol on her mother’s grave and seeks the help of Dr. Stone, an archeologist know to be a cult expert and she finds out it is linked to an ancient deity.
Lock In: Veronica starts to investigate the cult and reexamine her mother’s murder when a broken and battered Samuel is thrown from a car in front of Father Malachi’s house with another cryptic symbol branded into his skin and a dire warning for Veronica.
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Renee’s Big Picture Components
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to make sure you know your show in order to create an outline that will lead to an incredible pilot that producers will love.
World: the mysterious world of a malevolent cult through the eyes of their “lost followers” who have escaped the cult.
Main Mystery: Why is the cult so interested in Veronica.
Impossible Goal: infiltrating the mysterious cult and unraveling its sinister history.
Main Conflict: Veronica battling a dark ancient force threatening to reshape the world.
Second Mystery: Who is Samuel?
Season 1 Arc: From Veronica finding the mysterious symbol tied to the cult to witnessing a horrific ritual and discovering the prophecy and her role in it.
Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: from not trusting anyone to forming an alliance with Samuel, Dr. Stone, and Father Malachi.
Pilot Conflict: What does the mysterious symbol mean and why is it on her mother’s grave.
Characters Introduced: Veronica, Samuel, Father Malachi, Dr. Stone, Emily, and the police detective.
Inciting Incident of Season 1: Veronica finds a cult symbol on her mother’s grave.
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Renee’s Edited TV Pitch Bible (ANYONE INTERESTED IN EXCHANGING FOR FEEDBACK?)
What I learned doing this assignment is how to look at my pitch bible a different way, understanding how to edit it so it is the most intriguing it can be.
The Prophecy’s Heir
Concept
A relentless journalist’s investigation into a sinister cult unearths ancient horrors, setting off a chain of events that propels the cult closer to fulfilling a centuries-old dark prophecy. As she delves into unspeakable mysteries, reality fuses with the paranormal, releasing unimaginable terrors upon the world.
Genre
Horror
Format
1-hour T.V. Series
World
After escaping a malevolent cult’s reign, scarred ex-cultists form a fractured remnants society, harboring cryptic knowledge of dark rituals, forgotten deities, and a menacing legacy that imperils the present. As unseen influences blur the boundaries of reality, leading characters tread the precipice of supernatural abysses that defy rational explanation.
Summary
In the shadowy world of investigative journalism, Veronica Thornfield stands as a beacon of relentless pursuit, unearthing stories that no one else will touch. Her life, is upended when a brutal attack claims her mother’s life.
As she seeks the truth behind her late mother’s mysterious past, she discovers an ancient symbol that links her mother’s death to a dark cult. Her investigation into the mysterious cult unravels layers of deception, drawing her into chilling rituals and impossible occurrences that defy explanation.
Plunging into the abyss of forbidden secrets, Veronica receives an ominous warning that chills her to her core: watchful eyes lurk in the shadows. As she ventures further into her investigation, the line between the human and the spectral eerily dissolves.
Samuel Blackwood, disguised as a tormented ex-cultist, seeks refuge with Father Malachi, a clergyman haunted by his past ties with the cult. His fixation with Veronica is not mere chance; she is unknowingly the key to unleashing a dormant power. As Samuel weaves a web of deception to gain her trust, each shared secret inches him closer to a decisive choice between his dark allegiance and an unforeseen bond with Veronica.
In her quest to uncover the truth, Veronica meets Dr. Isabella Stone, an archaeologist with a deep understanding of the cult’s origins. Her revelations about cult relics resonate with her mother’s legacy. A disrupted ritual and haunting apparitions of her mother further destabilize Veronica’s grasp on reality, fueling her resolve to uncover the truth.
Veronica’s certainty fractures at a massacre site, and Samuel’s dubious loyalty unsettles her. A stalking presence unnerves her during the search for the Lost Followers, intensifying the enigma surrounding her investigation. Isolation becomes her defense as allies turn dubious, plunging her into uncertainty.
Veronica endures a reality-bending encounter, discovering a time-altering relic and a photograph that entangles Samuel in her mother’s past. With a city-threatening plot unveiled, Veronica plans to subvert the cult’s next move. The question looms: Can she overcome her destined role within the cult, or will she succumb to the malevolent forces that seek to control her?
Veronica disrupts a dangerous ritual, revealing a tangled web that may intertwine her fate with the cult’s enigmatic plans. As the cult’s influence grows over the city, Veronica, equipped with knowledge of her father’s ties to the cult, allies with the Lost Followers to stop a crucial ritual, while Samuel remains a figure of intrigue, his allegiance shrouded in mystery. The season culminates in a dramatic showdown, leaving the audience pondering whether Veronica will overcome the obscure powers at play or fall victim to the sinister forces guiding her destiny.
Character Descriptions
Veronica Thornfield
In a reality where macabre truths lurk, Veronica Thornfield, is haunted by her mother’s cult-linked murder and her kidnapping by the cult years ago. Driven by a relentless pursuit of truth, she faces a moral dilemma of crossing journalistic ethics and fueled by a personal vendetta, Veronica probes deeper into her father’s shadowy past and risks unraveling cataclysmic secrets, making her the linchpin of intrigue in a world teetering on the edge of terror.
Samuel Blackthorn
Samuel, the enigmatic cult leader, is a master of manipulation, a leader shrouded in enigma, orchestrating his cult’s shadowy rituals to harness an ancient power. As the mysterious cornerstone of the tale, he wields a deadly charm that masks his role in the sinister murder of the former cult leader, Veronica’s father. This architect of fear, cloaked in supernatural prowess and a façade of regret, draws viewers into a labyrinth of peril, his every act threading the needle between salvation and destruction.
Isabella Stone
Dr. Isabella Stone, an archaeologist who has studied the cult’s origins, walks a fine line between her thirst for knowledge and the dangers it poses. Her expertise provides invaluable insights to Veronica, yet her ambition to uncover and control ancient relics brings her into a risky rivalry with Father Malachi. Behind her façade of objective research lies a woman driven by a desire to vindicate her academic reputation, even if it means dabbling in forbidden rituals. During the investigation, Dr. Stone’s actions teeter between aiding their cause and pursuing a secret, potentially perilous agenda.
Father Malachi
Father Malachi, a once-revered priest now defrocked, straddles the fringes of faith and heresy, clutching ancient relics and secrets that could dismantle the cult he’s entwined with. His quest for redemption teeters on a knife’s edge as inner conflict and the allure of relics threaten his altruistic facade, making him a volatile ally whose actions could either cast light on the darkness or pull them all deeper into the shadowy abyss. Malachi’s complex layers of faith and doubt, his possession of stolen relics, and his struggle for atonement inject a raw, human element into the horror genre, ensuring that his journey is as compelling as it is fraught with danger.
Season 1 Episodes:
Episode 1: “Whispers of the Past”
Intrigued by a mysterious symbol discovered at her late mother’s graveside, journalist Veronica Thornfield is drawn into the haunting world of a malevolent cult. Her investigation, marred by disbelief and ridicule, uncovers a sinister link between the symbol and an ancient, dark organization.
Amidst her relentless search for the truth, Father Malachi, a defrocked priest looking for redemption, introduces her to Samuel, a charismatic figure whose deceptive aid begins a series of chilling revelations. This encounter sets Veronica on a dangerous path, challenging her resolve and leading her into a web of occult mysteries and unspoken horrors.
Episode 2: “Dangerous Revelations”
Deepening her probe into her father’s mysterious past, Veronica receives an anonymous tip that thrusts her into the heart of a shadowy cult. Her journey becomes increasingly difficult as she faces the enigmatic interventions of Samuel, a man whose motives are as cryptic as the dark prophecy she uncovers. Challenged by threats and a sinister warning to cease her investigation, Veronica finds herself caught in a dangerous game of cat and mouse, where every discovery brings her closer to a more horrifying truth than she ever imagined.
Episode 3: “Legacy’s Chains”
Haunted by her family’s dark legacy, Veronica uncovers alarming evidence of her father’s connection to the cult. Struggling with the weight of her lineage, she forms a tense alliance with Dr. Isabella Stone, an archaeologist holding crucial information about the cult. As they delve deeper into the investigation, they discover a hidden cult meeting place, revealing more than they bargained for.
However, their investigation is constantly undermined by Samuel’s manipulative tactics, blurring the line between truth and deception. This episode marks a turning point in Veronica’s journey as she confronts the shadows of her past while grappling with a present shrouded in mystery.
Episode 4: “Hidden Powers Revealed”
Veronica and Dr. Stone discover ancient relics that unveil the cult’s horrifying history and supernatural elements. As they navigate a maze of secrets and lies, cult members begin to tail Veronica, signaling a deeper involvement than she initially realized. Amidst this, Samuel reveals a glimpse of his true, formidable power, heightening the stakes of Veronica’s quest.
Episode 5: “Shadows of Salvation”
Veronica confronts a haunting connection between the unearthed relics and her mother’s murder, unmasking the cult’s supernatural nature. As she grapples with the harrowing truth and Samuel’s dark involvement in her father’s death, her sense of safety and purpose begins to waver. Amidst these revelations, Father Malachi offers an unexpected helping hand by providing Veronica with invaluable insights, helping to decipher cryptic ritualistic symbols and shedding light on the cult’s mysterious past. His expertise becomes a beacon for Veronica in navigating the labyrinth of occult secrets.
Episode 6: “Ambushed”
Veronica, alongside Father Malachi, delves deeper into the enigmatic relics, seeking to unravel the cult’s intricate mysteries. Their investigation intensifies as they encounter unforeseen dangers, including an ambush by cult members who kidnap Dr. Stone, adding urgency to Veronica’s mission. Samuel still shrouded in ambiguity, continues to play a complex role, manipulating events from the shadows. His motives remain a puzzle, adding suspense to Veronica’s quest.
Episode 7: “Perilous Rescue”
Determined to rescue Dr. Stone, Veronica, with Father Malachi’s aid, readies for a high-stakes confrontation with the cult. Their journey leads them to the heart of the cult’s power, revealing the alarming extent of its influence. Veronica finds herself at the center of a dark and foreboding prophecy as they navigate a difficult path of danger and deception. The episode crescendos with her taking bold steps to disrupt the cult’s plans, even as Samuel’s true nature and motives remain mysterious.
Episode 8: “Ritual of the Damned”
Veronica faces her most daunting challenge in the season finale as she confronts the cult during a critical ritual. This confrontation is not just a physical battle but a clash of wills and ideologies with higher stakes than ever. Amidst the intense ritual, Veronica employs her wit and courage to thwart the cult’s agenda, leading to a dramatic interruption that causes unforeseen consequences.
Five Seasons Descriptions
Season 1: “The Cult’s Shadow”
Veronica Thornfield’s life as a journalist takes a scary turn when her investigation into her mother’s murder reveals a cult preparing to awaken an ancient deity. Unraveling her mother’s secret life entwined with dark rituals, Veronica’s relentless search for truth blurs the line between the natural and the supernatural. Amidst her probe, she encounters Samuel, a seemingly lost cult follower whose intentions are mysterious. As the season closes, the cult is moments away from a ritual that could unleash an eldritch terror upon the world.
Season 2: “Prophetic Chains”
Veronica’s fight escalates globally as she uncovers a network of cults orchestrating a unified dark prophecy led by a council of leaders, including the deceptive Samuel. Facing an assembly of cult leaders, she traverses a minefield of deceit and occult practices, seeking to sever the chains of a looming apocalyptic vision. As she delves deeper into this sinister web, Father Malachi’s possession of crucial cult relics becomes a focal point of power and potential redemption. The season’s climax reveals a sprawling conspiracy, with cults worldwide uniting to fulfill the prophecy.
Season 3: “Ancient Echoes”
Veronica and Dr. Stone’s quest to decode the dark prophecy this season leads to a stunning betrayal as Samuel’s true identity as the cult leader is exposed. With each step, they unravel the prophecy’s true purpose, racing to halt a global ritual. As they face cultists and supernatural phenomena, Father Malachi’s stolen relics are revealed to be vital to the cult’s global ritual. The season culminates with the release of an ancient power that threatens to reshape the world as we know it.
Season 4: “Cosmic Cult”
Reality bends as an ancient entity seeks to reshape the universe through the cult’s dark vision, now led openly by Samuel. Veronica grapples with her lineage, now understanding her bloodline is central to the cult’s prophecy. Father Malachi, caught between redemption and temptation, must decide whether to use the stolen relics to aid Veronica or for his own uncertain ends.
Season 5: “Dark Legacy”
The final season sees Veronica facing her predestined role in a battle against an ancient force her ancestors once served. She confronts the culmination of the dark prophecy, her path fraught with personal sacrifice and the potential to initiate a new cycle of cosmic horror. As she acts to seal away the evil entity, the season leaves viewers with a chilling prospect: Veronica’s actions may have started a new, darker cycle of ancient prophecy.
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Renee’s Episode Titles
What I learned doing todays lesson is that while the titles that I have for each episode will most likely not be the titles used in production, it is still important to find titles that not hint at what the episode is about but that are intriguing.
Episode Titles:
Episode 1: Whispers of the Past
Episode 2: Dangerous Revelations
Episode 3: Legacy’s Chains
Episode 4: Hidden Powers Revealed
Episode 5: Shadows of Salvation
Episode 6: Ambushed
Episode 7: Perilous Rescue
Episode 8: Ritual of the Damned
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Renee’s Show Summary
What I learned doing this assignment is that it doesn’t have to be perfect right away. Being able to use AI to get a rough first draft is incredibly helpful for unlocking my own creativity. It gives me a starting point to build on with future drafts.
Summary:
Veronica Thornfield’s life as a hard-nosed journalist in the throbbing heart of the city is her norm, with each story a conquest in her relentless search for truth. But her world is upended when the murder of her mother re-emerges as a cold case linked to an enigmatic cult.
“Can she trust the cult’s victim at her door?”
This query haunts her as Samuel, a self-proclaimed escapee of the cult, appears, bloodied and desperate, on the steps of Father Malachi’s church. Veronica’s empathy draws her to Samuel, but distress bubbles beneath as his presence stirs up more than just her mother’s ghostly past.
“Why did her mother draw that symbol?”
A cryptic symbol found on her mother’s tombstone thrusts Veronica into an abyss that seems to echo with the whispers of ancient horrors. The deeper she delves, the more she realizes that her pursuit of truth has unknowingly entangled her in a web of supernatural mysteries.
“How will she escape the cult’s prophecy?”
The cult prophesies a cataclysmic event, placing Veronica at its core. As she navigates the labyrinth of cult secrets and supernatural forces, it becomes apparent that the mystery she’s trying to solve may be impossible to escape.
“Is her search for truth worth her life?”
The series catapults forward with this dramatic question, propelling Veronica into the throes of a dark world where the line between the living and the arcane is as thin as the veil that separates her from the truth. Each step towards understanding her mother’s death could be a step towards her own perilous undoing.
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Renee’s Episode Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is how to par down the episode descriptions so that they are short, to the point, and engage the reader.
Episode 1: The Broken Seal
After a brutal attack, Samuel seeks sanctuary at Father Malachi’s church, intersecting with Veronica, who discovers a cryptic cult symbol linked to her late mother. Their alliance forms as she delves into a journal pointing to Samuel’s cult ties, and a foreboding message warns her of prying eyes.
Episode 2: Whispering Shadows
A map of ancient horrors guides Veronica deeper into the cult’s dark domain, where she’s shadowed by its sinister disciples. Father Malachi’s ominous warning fuels her quest, revealing ties to her past as she identifies a cultist from her childhood memories.
Episode 3: Echoes of the Past
A disrupted ritual leads Veronica to Dr. Stone, whose revelations about cult relics resonate with her mother’s legacy. Haunted by an apparition of her mother, Veronica’s grasp on reality trembles, deepening her resolve to uncover the truth.
Episode 4: The Chasm Widens
At a massacre site, Veronica’s certainty fractures, and Samuel’s dubious loyalty unsettles her. Seeking the Lost Followers, she’s unnerved by a stalking presence, intensifying the enigma surrounding her investigation.
Episode 5: Through the Looking Glass
Veronica endures a reality-bending encounter, finding a time-altering relic and a photograph that entangles Samuel in her mother’s past. Isolation becomes her defense as allies turn dubious.
Episode 6: The Cult of the Serpent
Haunted by a ceremony that mirrors her mother’s fate, Veronica discovers a plot threatening the city. A perilous face-off with her destined role within the cult looms as she plans to subvert their next move.
Episode 7: The Penitent and the Lost
Between exposure and intervention, Veronica disrupts a dangerous ritual, but Samuel’s veiled motives surface, hinting at a profound connection with her fateful journey.
Episode 8: The Unseen War
As the cult’s grip tightens on the city, Veronica, armed with revelations of her father’s cultic ties, joins the Lost Followers to thwart a pivotal ritual. Amidst warping reality, Samuel’s true allegiance hangs in the balance.
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Renee’s Episode List Rough Draft
What I learned from this assignment is that you don’t have to have the perfect answer right now. While most of the episodes that AI put out are close to the vision I have, they aren’t perfect, but knowing this will be worked on in drafts, I felt a bit more comfortable with getting rid of the things that just didn’t work and holding onto the things that were close.
Season 1: “Veil of Shadows”
Episode 1: The Broken Seal
Teaser: Samuel is beaten and thrown from a car in front of Father Malachi’s church. Veronica finds an ominous symbol etched on her mother’s tombstone.
Main Character Journey: Begins to unravel her mother’s secretive past.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Encounters cult’s threats to deter her investigation.
Midpoint: Veronica finds her mother’s hidden journal, with entries that cryptically reference cult rituals and Samuel.
Action/Reaction: Teams up with Samuel, questioning his motives but needing his knowledge.
Cliffhanger: Veronica receives an anonymous warning: “They are watching you.”
Episode 2: Whispering Shadows
Teaser: Veronica and Samuel uncover a map of ritual sites.
Main Character Journey: Ventures into the cult’s underworld, seeking truth.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Cult members stalk her every move.
Midpoint: Father Malachi warns her of the cult’s dangerous power.
Action/Reaction: Veronica’s resolve strengthens, and she delves deeper into the cult’s history.
Cliffhanger: A cultist is revealed to be someone from Veronica’s past.
Episode 3: Echoes of the Past
Teaser: Veronica’s unexpected arrival disrupts a cult ritual in progress.
Main Character Journey: Seeks Dr. Stone’s expertise on the cult’s history.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Balancing sanity while grappling with supernatural experiences.
Midpoint: Dr. Stone reveals a connection between the relics and Veronica’s mother.
Action/Reaction: Veronica’s investigation intensifies, drawing unwanted attention.
Cliffhanger: Veronica is haunted by a vision of her mother warning her from beyond.
Episode 4: The Chasm Widens
Teaser: Veronica’s research leads her to a long-forgotten cult massacre site.
Main Character Journey: Begins to question the reality she’s known.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Must confront the cult’s pervasive influence in her own life.
Midpoint: Samuel’s conflicting actions cast doubt on his true allegiance.
Action/Reaction: Veronica decides to seek out the Lost Followers for help.
Cliffhanger: Veronica is followed by an unseen presence after visiting the massacre site.
Episode 5: Through the Looking Glass
Teaser: Veronica’s reality warps after the entity’s visitation.
Main Character Journey: Struggles with her perception of reality versus illusion.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Distinguishing truth from cult-induced hallucinations.
Midpoint: Encounters a relic that warps time and space around her.
Action/Reaction: Veronica becomes more isolated, trusting no one.
Cliffhanger: Veronica finds a photo showing Samuel with her mother years ago.
Episode 6: The Cult of the Serpent
Teaser: Veronica witnesses a terrifying cult ceremony that echoes her mother’s death.
Main Character Journey: Navigates the dangerous territory of cult espionage.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Infiltrating the cult without being exposed.
Midpoint: Learns the cult’s plan for a citywide ritual. Action/Reaction: Realizing the imminent danger, Veronica reaches out to Dr. Stone and Father Malachi to formulate a plan to disrupt the cult’s ritual from the inside.
Cliffhanger: During the covert operation to disrupt the ritual, Veronica is confronted by a figure from her past who reveals a chilling truth: she was always meant to be a part of the cult’s dark destiny.
Episode 7: The Penitent and the Lost
Teaser: Father Malachi’s relics resonate with the cult’s ritual energy.
Main Character Journey: Torn between exposing or stopping the cult.
Major Challenge/Conflict: The cult’s supernatural forces become aggressive.
Midpoint: Veronica is torn between Samuel’s persuasive charisma and her own instincts.
Action/Reaction: Chooses to disrupt the ritual, saving potential victims.
Cliffhanger: Samuel’s true intentions are hinted at through a cryptic ritual.
Episode 8: The Unseen War
Teaser: The city reels under the cult’s malevolent influence, with Veronica blamed for inciting chaos.
Main Character Journey: Becomes a beacon of truth against growing darkness.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Facing public skepticism and cult retribution.
Midpoint: Veronica discovers her father’s role in the cult’s ancient prophecy.
Action/Reaction: Veronica attempts to stop a significant cult ritual with the Lost Followers’ aid.
Cliffhanger: Veronica stands at a ritual site, cult converging, as reality distorts around her, and Samuel’s allegiance is uncertain.
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Renee’s Five Seasons
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think in seasons by looking at the bigger mysteries that I’ve already established for my series.
Season 1: The Shadow’s Edge
A. High Concept or Major Hook: A journalist’s quest to solve her mother’s mysterious death uncovers a sinister cult operating in the shadows of society.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: Veronica’s investigation takes her deep into the world of the cult, where she discovers connections to her personal trauma and begins to unravel the cult’s influence on her life.
C. Main Conflict: Veronica confronts the cult’s attempts to silence her as she digs into its secrets, battling against both supernatural elements and her own fears.
D. Main Mystery/Layers: The main mystery revolves around the true nature of the cult and its connection to Veronica’s past, especially her mother’s unexplained death.
E. Cliffhanger: Veronica finds a ritual site that hints at her mother’s involvement with the cult, and Samuel’s enigmatic presence in her investigation suggests a deeper, more personal connection to the unfolding horrors.
5 SEASON SUMMARY
Season 1: The Shadow’s Edge
Veronica’s search for her mother’s cryptic past leads her to a cult shrouded in darkness. Diving into a world where reality and ritual intertwine, she ends at a ritual site, the cult’s dark secrets beckoning, with Samuel’s mysterious agenda looming over her.
Season 2: The Labyrinth Within
Delving deeper, Veronica and Samuel uncover society’s elite entwined with the cult. A forbidden text reveals more than Veronica bargains for, ending her journey in the cult’s grasp, a pawn in a game of prophetic significance.
Season 3: Echoes of the Forgotten
Escaping the cult’s clutches, Veronica, aided by Father Malachi’s stolen relics, exposes a historical layer of the cult’s legacy. Betrayed by Samuel, she grasps the cult’s time-spanning influence, setting the stage for a historical showdown.
Season 4: Tides of Chaos
Veronica fights to reveal the cult’s influence to the public, her reality ever-questioned. A disrupted ceremony opens the public’s eyes, but Samuel’s unleashed power hints at a greater horror to come, blurring the lines between worlds.
Season 5: The Final Key
As ancient horrors bleed into reality, Veronica, with allies’ knowledge and relics in hand, faces Samuel in a climactic battle, unraveling her mother’s mystery and halting a paranormal apocalypse, with the fate of reality hanging in the balance.
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Renee’s Character Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is how to look at each character profile and determine the most intriguing aspects of it to create intriguing character descriptions for a TV pitch bible.
Veronica
Who is the character? Role in the show? A relentless journalist investigating the cult that kidnapped her when she was a teen.
Noteworthy traits: determined, impulsive,
Intriguing history: her mother was murdered by the cult and she was kidnapped by them, barely escaping with her life.
Intrigue? Mystery? She harbors a personal trauma involving a mysterious cult, making her even more motivated to expose the truth.
How do they support or drive the conflict with others? May inadvertently trigger hidden traps or unearth secrets that some would like to keep hidden, creates chaos with her unpredictability,
Irony — she’s both a skeptic and a believer, a hunter and the hunted, rational yet irrational when it comes to the cult.
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: her pursuit of the truth could put her allies in danger. Her individual quest to find out more about the cult and her father could cause issues with the collective good.
Unpredictable: she doesn’t discuss everything with her allies and often jumps into danger without thinking things through.
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: she has a growing bond with Samuel, respects Dr. Stone, and is weary of Father Malachi.
Start: a relentless journalist, haunted by her mother’s cult-linked murder and her own kidnapping at the hands of the cult is determined to find out the truth about her family.
Middle: Her investigation leads her into a labyrinth of ancient evil where her probing could unleash cataclysmic truths or bind her to the same dark fate.
End: With her unpredictability everything she discovers and her personal vendetta against the cult could lead to either revelation or ruination.
Samuel
Who is the character? Role in the show? Current cult leader posing as a lost follower.
Noteworthy traits: charming, manipulative
Intriguing history: he grew up in the cult and remembers Veronica from her time at the cult after they kidnapped her.
Intrigue? Mystery?: unexplained supernatural abilities
How do they support or drive the conflict with others? His manipulation and hidden agenda create turmoil within Veronica’s investigation.
Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: he poses as a lost follower but is the cult leader, he sees himself as the protector of the cult’s ancient traditions and the cult’s future but has to destroy lives and souls in order to achieve it.
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: he wants to fulfil the ancient prophecy by manipulating Veronica to gain her trust while she wants to expose the cult for what it is.
Unpredictable? Will he use his abilities to aid Veronica or for his own agenda?
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: Veronica is the key to fulfilling the ancient prophecy for Samuel but he also has to keep up the façade of being a helpful ally to keep her close. He has a common interest in ancient relics like Dr. Stone but their goals are fundamentally different. He has a shared history with Father Malachi whose goal of redemption directly opposes Samuels need for power.
Start: the cult leader, posing as a lost follower to gain Veronica’s trust so he can fulfill an ancient prophecy.
Middle: he fears discovery and his unpredictable supernatural powers that are as lethal as the ancient horrors he worships.
End: He never expected to get close to Veronica in a way that could be his undoing.
Dr. Stone
Who is the character? Role in the show? Archaeologist and expert on the cult’s origins
Noteworthy traits: intelligent, curious, ambitious
Intriguing history: she has been studying ancient cults and their rituals making her a pariah in the academic world
Intrigue? Mystery? She possesses a forbidden text that holds secrets and is willing to take great risks to share it with Veronica.
How do they support or drive the conflict with others? She mentors Veronica in understanding the cult history and supernatural elements but subtly manipulates her actions to ensure her own goals are advanced. She is in direct conflict with Father Malachi over the ancient relics. Dr. Stone could unknowingly further Samuel’s agenda while believing she is advancing her own, or she could become a knowing co-conspirator if it suits her ambitions.
Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: Dr. Stone is a preserver of ancient relics and knowledge, yet her ambition to use these for personal power may lead to the very destruction of the history she seeks to protect.
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: she doesn’t want to expose the cult but wants to find the lost artifacts that Father Malachi secretly possesses.
Unpredictable?: her quest for knowledge puts her in harm’s way
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: she respects Veronica but doesn’t trust her. She wants to get close to Father Malachi because she believes he might possess the ancient relics she’s looking for.
Start: She’s a brilliant archaeologist with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge searching for ancient relics that will grant her the power she desires.
Middle: Her desire for vindication and power threatens her allegiance with Veronica and puts her into direct conflict with Father Malachi who aims to protect the stolen ancient relics at all cost.
End: Her dual role as a seeker of truths and a harbinger of potential doom destabilizes the fragile balance between the known world and the supernatural one.
Father Malachi
Who is the character? Role in the show? Provides spiritual perspective and insights into the cult.
Noteworthy traits: committed, understanding
Intriguing history: After trying to infiltrate the cult and finding himself in some compromising situations he was defrocked by the church and has been trying to find forgiveness ever since.
Intrigue? Mystery? He stole the ancient relics from the cult and is trying to keep them hidden so he can use them for the greater good.
How do they support or drive the conflict with others? He is secretive and not as forthcoming as Veronica would like. He is in direct conflict with Dr. Stone who wants to ancient relics for her own personal gain.
Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: Father Malachi desires to save others from the dangers of the cult and its relics, yet he himself is tempted by the very power he wishes to protect them from.
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: He might seek to protect Veronica from the dangerous truths of the relics and the cult’s intentions, potentially hindering her pursuit of the story and her personal quest for answers about her mother’s death. Malachi’s intention to use the relics for salvation and dismantling the cult directly opposes Dr. Stone’s desire to harness their power for her own gain Malachi’s agenda of atonement and correcting past wrongs contrasts starkly with Samuel’s pursuit of domination and control through the cult and its supernatural connections..
Unpredictable? His temptation to use the ancient relics he stole makes him a volatile ally who has the capacity to pull everyone deeper into the shadowy abyss.
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: he brings Samuel under his wing not realizing he is the current cult leader. He has deep respect and trust in Veronica’s ability to get to the truth. He is weary of Dr. Stone knowing her desire for more power and vengeance on the academic world that turned its back on her.
Start: Once a revered priest, his involvement in the cult has left him questioning his spirituality.
Middle: his quest for redemption is fraught with peril as his inner conflict and the allure of the ancient relics power undermine his altruistic façade.
End: Aiding Veronica in the investigation puts his own salvation in jeopardy as he straddles the line between divine and damned.
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Renee’s Intriguing Concept and World
What I learned doing this assignment is how to look for the most intriguing aspects of my concept.
1. Concept
A. a skeptical journalist investigates the truth behind a cult’s malevolent claims. . .
B. … confronting the cult’s dark forces, and exposing the ancient horrors…
C. …that transforms her into a determined journalist, facing unimaginable terrors that reshape her world…
D. … as she delves further into a haunting realm and historical tapestry where cult escapees grapple with psychological scars from ancient rituals, civilizations and the evolution of a malevolent cult.
2. Tell us the World of this show.
Unique Sub-World: a group of former cult members, who escaped but are haunted by the horrors they witnessed, willing to share their stories as the characters explore the cult’s history, tracing its roots back to ancient civilizations and uncovering its evolution.
Previously unexplored: The malevolent beings the cult is communing with have a history intertwined with civilizations dating back centuries, creating a rich tapestry of forgotten lore waiting to be unraveled.
The unknown: The origins of the cult’s dark practices are shrouded in mystery. What ancient texts and artifacts do they possess, and what secrets lie within?
The unseen: Within the shadows of the cult’s ceremonies lurk not only the malevolent entities but also a faction within the cult with its own agenda.
Unheard of Dangers: As Veronica digs deeper, she uncovers a hidden threat that could unleash a force capable of transcending the boundaries between the earthly and the ethereal. The cult’s rituals were just the beginning; a greater, more perilous plan is set in motion, and Veronica must race against time to prevent it.
Reason to explore it: The uncharted world holds the key to preventing a cataclysmic event that could plunge the entire world into darkness.
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Renee’s Creating Irony
What I learned doing this assignment is my concept has a lot of room to create great irony. I enjoyed trying to figure out places I could incorporate irony and found that the AI prompt not only gave me ideas I already thought about but some more great ways to include irony in the show.
Assignment #1
The Diplomat
The season only had 8 episodes and the 2nd season isn’t out yet so I will look at the irony from the first 8 episodes.
Hal – he doesn’t want Kate to divorce him, but he can’t help doing things that make her job even harder.
Kate – She’s great at her job, but can’t get out from under Hal’s shadow.
Assignment #2
1. Situational Irony:
– Veronica, the journalist seeking truth, is deceived by Samuel, the cult leader.
– Father Malachi, a defrocked priest, holds the key to cult salvation.
2. Character Irony:
– Dr. Isabelle Stone, an archaeologist seeking power, is allies with Veronica, the truth-seeker.
– Samuel, the cult leader, suffers from a wound caused by his father’s actions.
3. Relationship Irony:
– Veronica, driven by fear and determination, forms alliances that might betray her.
– Father Malachi’s rivalry with the church complicates his quest for redemption.
4. Plot Irony:
– Samuel, posing as a lost follower, guides Veronica towards fulfilling the prophecy.
– Father Malachi, seeking redemption, hides behind the facade of selfless altruism.
5. Dramatic Irony:
– The audience knows Samuel’s true identity while Veronica remains unaware.
– Father Malachi’s possession of cult relics is known to viewers, creating suspense.
6. Action Irony:
– Dr. Isabelle, aiming for knowledge, becomes susceptible to manipulation.
– Veronica’s determination to expose the cult leads to impulsive decisions.
7. Dialogue Irony:
– Samuel’s dialogues emphasize cult reformation, masking his sinister intentions.
– Father Malachi’s altruistic speeches contrast with his hidden motives.
8. Cover-up Irony
– Samuel conceals his supernatural powers while manipulating others.
– Father Malachi hides his inner conflict behind a disciplined, virtuous facade.
9. Layer Irony:
– Isabelle’s academic ridicule becomes the driving force behind her ambition.
– Samuel’s obsession with power becomes his weakness, leading to recklessness.
10. Situational Hope/Fear Irony
– Veronica hopes to expose truths but fears the horrors she might uncover.
– Father Malachi hopes for redemption but fears the allure of stolen relics.
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Renee’s Intriguing Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is
Assignment #1
The Diplomat – Unfortunately there were only 8 episodes in season 1 and season 2 hasn’t been released so I will complete this assignment using the first season.
Major Scheme Revealed:
Surface Layer: Hal is trying to get Kate to become the new Vice President
New Layer: He actually wants to be the Secretary of State.
Mystery Revealed:
Surface Layer: They are trying to figure out who attacked the British Aircraft Carrier
New Layer: Prime Minister Trowbridge is the one who hired the mercenary who attacked the carrier.
Thought the Story was One Thing, But It is Another:
Surface Layer: Kate must help the Foreign Secretary figure out who was behind the attack.
New Layer: The job is a tryout for Kate to become the new Vice President.
Major Shift in Meaning:
Surface Layer: Prime Minister Trowbridge seems like he loves his country and is really trying to find out who attacked to avenge the 40 dead British soldiers.
New Layer: Trowbridge was behind the attack.
Assignment #2
PLOT LAYERS
Major Scheme Revealed:
Surface Layer: Veronica believes the cult is solely focused on dark rituals.
New Layer: The cult’s real agenda involves using Veronica to unlock supernatural powers that can reshape the world.
Mystery Revealed:
Surface Layer: Samuel’s actions are seen as random acts of a traumatized former cult member.
New Layer: Samuel orchestrates events to manipulate Veronica into fulfilling the prophecy.
Thought the Story Was One Thing, But It Is Another:
Surface Layer: Veronica perceives the cult as a group of deluded individuals.
New Layer: The cult has infiltrated powerful sectors, influencing global events through supernatural means.
Major Shift in Meaning:
Surface Layer: Dr. Stone appears as a researcher seeking knowledge.
New Layer: Her true motive is to control the ancient relics for personal gain.
Hidden History:
Surface Layer: Father Malachi is a defrocked priest seeking redemption.
New Layer: He holds a history of the church’s involvement with the cult.
Hidden Plan:
Surface Layer: Veronica thinks the cult is driven by blind devotion.
New Layer: The cult’s actions are part of a plan to unleash malevolent entities for ultimate power.
CHARACTER LAYERS
Secret Identity:
Surface Layer: Veronica is a determined journalist investigating the cult.
New Layer: She’s also the cult’s prophesied key, kidnapped as a teen.
Intrigue Layers:
Surface Layer: Samuel appears as a reformed cult member.
New Layer: He plots to exploit Veronica for his and the cult’s gain.
Hidden Relationships and Conspiracies:
Surface Layer: Dr. Stone seems like a knowledgeable archaeologist.
New Layer: She has connections with secret societies and hidden motives.
Hidden Character History:
Surface Layer: Father Malachi is a defrocked priest seeking redemption.
New Layer: His past includes a spiritual event that shook his beliefs.
Hidden Agenda:
Surface Layer: Veronica seeks truth for journalistic reasons.
New Layer: Her hidden agenda is to find out what happened to her father.
Wound:
Surface Layer: Veronica’s skepticism hides her past trauma.
New Layer: Her mother’s murder by the cult haunts her, fueling her determination.
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Renee’s Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about how a binge worthy show draws audiences in. Having compelling open loops in your show can help keep viewers tuning in episode after episode. I really enjoyed thinking about the open loops I can use in my show and was surprised that many of the open loops AI came up with were pretty close to the open loops I had already thought about.
Assignment #1
The Diplomat
1. Who ordered the attack on the British Aircraft Carrier?
2. Will Kate and Hall go through with the divorce?
3. Will Kate and Dennison get together?
4. Did Hal die in the car bomb?
5. Will Kate accept the Vice Presidency?
6. Will Hal get tapped for the Secretary of State position? And was this Hal’s plan all along?
Assignment #2
GOALS:
New Goals: Veronica discovers clues suggesting her father might still be alive within the cult. Does this change her main objective?
Big Picture Goals: Dr. Stone finds a relic, but it’s only one part of a larger, mysterious artifact. What powers does the complete artifact hold?
Crushed Goals: Father Malachi’s attempts at redemption are constantly thwarted by the cult. What lengths will he go to for redemption?
Conflict Around Goals: Samuel’s efforts to use Veronica clash with Dr. Stone’s ambitions. Will this conflict of interest expose Samuel’s true identity?
CONSEQUENCES:
Fear of Getting Caught: Veronica discovers that the cult is involved in global political manipulations and has infiltrated high levels of government. Exposing this could make her a target of powerful enemies.
Past Actions’ Problems: Dr. Stone’s past dealings with illegal artifact traders come back to haunt her. Will this compromise her position?
Good Plans Gone Wrong: Veronica’s plan to infiltrate the cult leads to unintended consequences. What new threats emerge from her actions?
SOLVING PROBLEMS:
Major Character Problem: Veronica struggles with trust issues, affecting her alliances. How will this impact her investigation?
Trying to Solve: Samuel attempts to manipulate Veronica but starts to genuinely care for her. How will this internal conflict affect the prophecy?
Imposed Major Change: Father Malachi faces a crisis of faith. How will this change his approach to the cult?
New Problems from Solutions: Dr. Stone’s use of a relic unleashes a malevolent entity. How will the team contain this new threat?
RELATIONSHIPS:
Relationships in Peril: Samuel’s true identity as the cult leader puts him at odds with Veronica, especially as she gets closer to the truth. The tension escalates as Veronica becomes suspicious of his motives.
New Relationships Forming: Unexpected alliances form between Veronica and a mysterious cult member. What secrets does this new ally hold?
Conflict Within Relationships: A character makes a significant sacrifice or suffers a great loss, leading to anger and blame within the group, particularly if the loss could have been prevented.
Changing Relationships: Dr. Stone’s obsession with the relics strains her relationship with Father Malachi. Can they reconcile their differences?
DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:
Survival against Odds: Veronica and her team face a supernatural threat in the cult’s headquarters. Can they all make it out alive?
Dangerous Decisions: Samuel’s decisions start to endanger the cult members. How far will he go for the prophecy?
Pulled into Danger: Veronica’s investigation inadvertently puts her loved ones in danger. How will she protect them?
Internal Dangers: Father Malachi’s knowledge of the cult rituals tempts him back into dark practices. Can he resist the temptation?
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Renee’s Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about how a binge worthy show draws audiences in. Having compelling open loops in your show can help keep viewers tuning in episode after episode. I really enjoyed thinking about the open loops I can use in my show and was surprised that many of the open loops AI came up with were pretty close to the open loops I had already thought about.
Assignment #1
The Diplomat
1. Who ordered the attack on the British Aircraft Carrier?
2. Will Kate and Hall go through with the divorce?
3. Will Kate and Dennison get together?
4. Did Hal die in the car bomb?
5. Will Kate accept the Vice Presidency?
6. Will Hal get tapped for the Secretary of State position? And was this Hal’s plan all along?
Assignment #2
GOALS:
New Goals: Veronica discovers clues suggesting her father might still be alive within the cult. Does this change her main objective?
Big Picture Goals: Dr. Stone finds a relic, but it’s only one part of a larger, mysterious artifact. What powers does the complete artifact hold?
Crushed Goals: Father Malachi’s attempts at redemption are constantly thwarted by the cult. What lengths will he go to for redemption?
Conflict Around Goals: Samuel’s efforts to use Veronica clash with Dr. Stone’s ambitions. Will this conflict of interest expose Samuel’s true identity?
CONSEQUENCES:
Fear of Getting Caught: Veronica discovers that the cult is involved in global political manipulations and has infiltrated high levels of government. Exposing this could make her a target of powerful enemies.
Past Actions’ Problems: Dr. Stone’s past dealings with illegal artifact traders come back to haunt her. Will this compromise her position?
Good Plans Gone Wrong: Veronica’s plan to infiltrate the cult leads to unintended consequences. What new threats emerge from her actions?
SOLVING PROBLEMS:
Major Character Problem: Veronica struggles with trust issues, affecting her alliances. How will this impact her investigation?
Trying to Solve: Samuel attempts to manipulate Veronica but starts to genuinely care for her. How will this internal conflict affect the prophecy?
Imposed Major Change: Father Malachi faces a crisis of faith. How will this change his approach to the cult?
New Problems from Solutions: Dr. Stone’s use of a relic unleashes a malevolent entity. How will the team contain this new threat?
RELATIONSHIPS:
Relationships in Peril: Samuel’s true identity as the cult leader puts him at odds with Veronica, especially as she gets closer to the truth. The tension escalates as Veronica becomes suspicious of his motives.
New Relationships Forming: Unexpected alliances form between Veronica and a mysterious cult member. What secrets does this new ally hold?
Conflict Within Relationships: A character makes a significant sacrifice or suffers a great loss, leading to anger and blame within the group, particularly if the loss could have been prevented.
Changing Relationships: Dr. Stone’s obsession with the relics strains her relationship with Father Malachi. Can they reconcile their differences?
DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:
Survival against Odds: Veronica and her team face a supernatural threat in the cult’s headquarters. Can they all make it out alive?
Dangerous Decisions: Samuel’s decisions start to endanger the cult members. How far will he go for the prophecy?
Pulled into Danger: Veronica’s investigation inadvertently puts her loved ones in danger. How will she protect them?
Internal Dangers: Father Malachi’s knowledge of the cult rituals tempts him back into dark practices. Can he resist the temptation?
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Renee’s Show Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create an overall mystery for my show that shows up in the pilot episode and doesn’t get revealed until later episodes and how to create smaller mysteries for each episode that may or may not get solved in the same episode.
Assignment #1
The Diplomat
Big Picture Mysteries
· Who’s responsible for the attack on the British Airship Carrier?
· Will Kate agree to the Vice President position?
· What is Hal after?
Smaller Mysteries
· Will Kate divorce Hal?
· Will Kate get with Stuart Dennison, the British Foreign Secretary?
Assignment #2
Big Picture Mysteries
· The mystery of why Veronica was kidnapped by the cult as a teenager and what role she plays in the ancient prophecy, with revelations about her past slowly unfolding.
· The mystery surrounding Samuel’s true identity.
Mystery Strategy #1 – Opening Shocking Event
A. Shocking Event: Veronica, haunted by cryptic visions and disturbing dreams, tries to dismiss them as mere psychological effects of her traumatic past. The cult actively conceals information about her role in the prophecy, ensuring she remains in the dark.
B. Secret: Veronica’s role in the ancient prophecy is deeply intertwined with a ritualistic artifact connected to her teenage abduction. The cult has been manipulating her experiences to gradually steer her towards fulfilling the prophecy without her awareness.
C. Investigations: As Veronica unravels the secrets of the artifact and her traumatic past, she begins to realize the cult’s malevolent intentions. Clues emerge, hinting at her pivotal role in the prophecy, and she becomes a target for both the cult and supernatural forces. The gradual revelation of Veronica’s significance adds layers of complexity to the overarching mystery.
Who: Veronica
When: she was a teenager
Where:
Part Withheld:
What: her connection to the cult
Why: Why she was kidnapped by the cult as a teenager.
How: how she escaped
Mystery Strategy #2 – Ongoing Over Time Mystery
A. Cover Up: A broken and bloodied Samuel is thrown from a car into the church grounds with an ominous note attached to his shirt. Father Malachi finds him and recognizes him from the time he spent in the cult.
B. Secret: Samuel is posing as a lost follower who was caught trying to escape the cult but is in fact the current leader of the cult in search of Veronica, the missing piece to an ancient prophecy he is trying to fulfill.
C. Reveal: intrigued by the mysterious occurrence and believing that Samuel will help her figure out the cult’s secrets, Veronica begins digging into Samuel’s past, unaware that he is subtly guiding the investigation. The enigma surrounding Samuel becomes a central focus of her search for truth, leading her down a path filled with unexpected twists and turns.
Who: Samuel
When: since Veronica was kidnapped as a teenager
Where:
How: is he going to gain Veronica’s trust
Part Withheld:
What: he’s the current cult leader.
Why: he needs Veronica to fulfill the ancient prophecy
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Renee’s Show Empathy/Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create characters with many layers that will hopefully grab the audience’s attention and hold it through multiple seasons.
Assignment #1
The Diplomat – Kate
Undeserved Misfortune: she wanted to go to Kabul to be the U.S. Ambassador there but was rerouted to London, where she was thrown into a chaotic mess.
External Character Conflicts: she conflicts with the British P.M. because of things that others have done. She conflicts with the U.S. Secretary of State because of her husband Hal, and the President is looking at her to take over as V.P.
Plot Intruding on Life: the attack on the British Air Carrier and subsequent investigation derail her plans to head to Kabul to help people leave the country.
Moral Dilemma:
Forced Decisions They’d Never Make: Against her better judgment she continues to go rogue and put her life in possible danger by sneaking out of the Embassy to meet with other players in the game. e.g., The Russian informant.
Put them in Distress: She constantly worries that her husband will overstep his bounds. She must try to appease both a hot-tempered British Prime Minister and the U.S. Secretary of State to keep the U.S. and Britain out of nuclear war.
Make them relatable: she thinks she wants to divorce her husband but realizes she needs him to help in certain situations and for emotional support.
Universal experiences that are emotional: she finds out her friend in Kabul is probably dead. She realizes she still needs her husband. She finds herself attracted to the British Foreign secretary.
Assignment #2
Veronica Thornfield: Protagonist
Undeserved Misfortune: experiences vivid and terrifying flashbacks to her time in captivity, reliving the trauma of her teenage years at the hands of the cult.
External Character Conflict: the cult she’s investigating has infiltrated various aspects of her life, making it challenging for her to trust anyone and putting her in constant surveillance and danger.
Plot intruding on life: she becomes increasingly paranoid and feels like she is being constantly watched. She questions the motives and loyalties of those around her.
Moral dilemmas: she resorts to invasive tactics to gather information that raises ethical questions about the invasion of privacy and legality.
Forced into decisions they’d never make: she has to disclose her traumatic past with the cult to her allies even though doing so would make her vulnerable and potentially change their perception of her.
Put them in distress: her traumatic past triggers anxiety and panic attacks when she is faced with situations that remind her of her captivity with the cult.
Make them relatable: she experiences intense fear in situations that any person would find terrifying, including being trapped in a confined space, pursued by cult members, or witnessing a horrific ritual.
Universal experiences that are emotional: she finds herself in situations where she feels powerless and vulnerable, heightening the emotional stakes.
Samuel Blackthorn: Antagonist
Undeserved Misfortune: his position as a lost follower makes him susceptible to Veronica’s investigative scrutiny. She suspects him and unintentionally targets him for questioning, putting him at risk of exposure and jeopardizing the cult’s plans.
External Character Conflict: the potential consequences of his exposure as the cult leader are ever-present in his mind.
Plot intruding on life: the constant need to maintain secrecy and uphold his lost follower persona disrupts Samuel’s life, leading to him becoming isolated and unable to share his true self with anyone, leading to loneliness and distress.
Moral dilemmas: he faces the moral dilemma of choosing allies within the cult who may or may not share his values. This creates ongoing distress as he navigates alliances while hiding his true identity.
forced into decisions they’d never make: As his connection with Veronica deepens, he is torn between revealing his true identity and adhering to the cult’s goals. He must decide whether to expose himself and face the consequences.
Put them in distress: the cult’s insistence on the prophecy’s fulfillment places a heavy burden on Samuel. The distress of bearing this weight, along with the potential consequences of failure, becomes a constant source of inner turmoil.
Make them relatable: Samuel secretly harbors doubts about the cult’s malevolent beliefs and practices. His internal struggle to reconcile his doubts with his cult leader persona allows viewers to empathize with his inner conflict.
Universal experiences that are emotional: Samuel is caught between maintaining the trust of the cult members, who believe he is an escaped follower, and his secret intention to lead Veronica into fulfilling the ancient prophecy. The internal struggle of deception and loyalty creates a nuanced and empathetic portrayal.
Dr. Isabella Stone
Undeserved Misfortune: her dedication to uncovering the truth about the cult alienates her from the academic community. Her colleagues and peers distance themselves from her work, making her research more challenging.
External Character Conflict: the cult discovers Dr. Stone possesses a forbidden text that contains hidden knowledge about the malevolent entities. They send threatening messages, warning her to keep the information to herself, putting her in constant fear for her safety and her ability to share the secrets.
Plot intruding on life: her determination to reveal the cult’s secrets and her unorthodox research methods result in the loss of her academic standing. She faces ostracism and ridicule within her field, jeopardizing her career and financial stability.
Moral dilemmas: the more she understands the rituals and incantations, the more tempting it becomes to use the relics’ powers for personal gain, research advancement, or to further her own agenda. She struggles with the moral boundary of personal versus altruistic use.
forced into decisions they’d never make: she decides to share her knowledge of the rituals with individuals she believes can help her uncover the cult’s secrets, which jeopardizes her safety and her allies if the cult discovers her actions.
Put them in distress: she is under constant surveillance by the cult making it difficult for her to conduct her research without being constantly aware that she is being watched, creating a pervasive sense of danger.
Make them relatable: she willingly makes personal sacrifices in her relentless pursuit of knowledge.
Universal experiences that are emotional: in her research she uncovers truths that are so horrifying they challenge her understanding of reality and morality. The revelations have a profound impact on her mental and emotional well-being.
Father Malachi
Undeserved Misfortune: his continued involvement in the investigation leads to a crisis in faith. He questions his religious beliefs as he delves deeper into the cult’s dark rituals and malevolent entities.
External Character Conflict: The cult sends him cryptic and threatening messages, hinting at their knowledge of his past and their intentions to make him pay for his betrayal, leaving him in constant distress.
Plot intruding on life: The cult uncovers information about his past that he thought was buried. They use the information to manipulate him emotionally, forcing him to confront painful memories and disrupting his journey toward redemption.
Moral dilemmas: he grapples with whether to reveal the existence of the relics to his allies. He is torn between trust and the fear that they might use the relics for unintended purposes.
forced into decisions they’d never make: he must decide how to safeguard the stolen relics, choosing between keeping them hidden from the cult and his allies or entrusting them to someone he believes can use them for a greater purpose.
Put them in distress: he grapples with a crisis of faith brought on by the heinous acts he witnessed and, in some cases, participated in during his time undercover within the cult. The inner conflict shakes his core beliefs and leaves him questioning the existence of a benevolent higher power.
Make them relatable: his secret of possessing the relics also exposes his vulnerability to temptation. His secrets make him a wildcard in the investigation, with the potential to either aid or hinder Veronica and her allies.
Universal experiences that are emotional: a moral dilemma arises when he believes that using the relics might be necessary for the greater good. The temptation to act for the greater good challenges his personal redemption journey.
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Has anyone received Lesson 7 which includes the AI prompt? I was under the impression that we were supposed to have it by yesterday.
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Renee’s Relationship Maps
What I learned doing this assignment is how to look at each character and examine their relationships with other characters to create deeper and more well-rounded characters.
Assignment #1
Kate v. Hal
Surface: husband
Common Ground: they are both U.S. Ambassadors
Conflict: she wants a divorce, he doesn’t
History: they’re married
Subtext: he is using her to find his way to the Vice Presidency/Presidency
Relationship Arc: from hostile to cordial
Kate v. Stuart
Surface: she is his boss
Common Ground: she used to do his job
Conflict: she doesn’t always consult with him before doing things
History: He was vetting her for the soon-to-be-open Vice Presidency
Subtext: he was scheming with the President about making her Vice President
Relationship Arc: unsure of her to want her to succeed
Kate v. Dennison
Surface: Ally
Common Ground: they are both trying to keep their countries from going to war with Russia/Iran
Conflict: Kate wants him to be forthcoming but doesn’t always give him the same courtesy
History: He was reluctant to work with her
Subtext: they are attracted to one another
Relationship Arc: From competitors to allies
Assignment #2
Veronica Thornfield and
Samuel:
Common Ground: Connection to the Cult
Relationship Conflict: Manipulation by Samuel, the conflict between their goals
Relationship History: Sees him as a key source of information about the cult
Relationship Subtext: His hidden agenda is to use Veronica to fulfill the prophecy
Relationship Arc: She trusts Samuel initially, but the trust starts to erode as she discovers his intentions.
Dr. Isabella Stone:
Common Ground: Shared interest in the cult’s history
Relationship Conflict: Willingness to take risks and ethical dilemma
Relationship History: Collaboration on past investigations; mutual respect
Relationship Subtext: An undercurrent of competition between the two to see who can uncover the most valuable secrets of the cult’s history.
Relationship Arc: Their relationship evolves into one of mutual reliance and respect.
Father Malachi:
Common Ground: Investigative approach to uncover the cult’s secrets
Relationship Conflict: Veronica’s skepticism towards spirituality and past with the cult
Relationship History: They are aware of each other and their past involvements with cults.
Relationship Subtext: Her skepticism about spirituality and religion creates underlying tension with him as he struggles with his past involvement with the cult.
Relationship Arc: From tension to unity, finding common ground in their pursuit of the truth.
Samuel and
Dr. Isabella Stone:
Common Ground: Shared interest in the cult’s history and the desire to preserve ancient artifacts.
Relationship Conflict: Disagreements regarding the ethical implications of using ancient artifacts.
Relationship History:
Relationship Subtext: Unresolved tension regarding their differences in how to approach the use of ancient artifacts.
Relationship Arc: Collaboration deepens as she gradually reveals hidden knowledge.
Father Malachi:
Common Ground: Mutual desire to better understand the malevolent entities used by the cult.
Relationship Conflict: Tensions related to Father Malachi’s past attempts to infiltrate the cult.
Relationship History: His attempts in the past to infiltrate the cult and uncover its secrets.
Relationship Subtext: His inner conflict and search for redemption and Samuels’s concealed identity.
Relationship Arc: His internal struggle and eventual choices; Samuels concealed motives.
Dr. Isabella Stone and
Father Malachi:
Common Ground: Interested in uncovering the cult’s rituals and a shared spiritual perspective.
Relationship Conflict: Tension related to his past attempts to infiltrate the cult.
Relationship History: His previous attempts to infiltrate the cult and uncover its secrets.
Relationship Subtext: His inner conflict and search for redemption.
Relationship Arc: His internal struggles and eventual choices. Samuels concealed motives.
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Renee’s Character Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is why it’s important to really dig deep into a character’s emotions. Learning how to add more depth to make the character’s more intriguing is important if you want to keep the audience engaged throughout multiple seasons.
Assignment #1 – The Diplomat
Kate:
Situational:
• Hope: that she can keep things from escalating further
• Fear: she won’t be successful at her job
Motivation:
• Want: to do the job that she was hired to do without impediment from others
• Need: to be respected by others.
Base Negative Emotion: anger and resentment
Public Mask: take charge of the situation and do what she thinks needs to be done without consulting anyone.
Weakness: her husband Hal
Triggers: people treating her differently because she is a woman, her husband Hal
Coping Mechanism: she dives into her work and refuses help from anyone
Stuart:
Situational:
• Hope: Kate will be able to do the job she is tasked with and keep tempers from flaring
• Fear: things will escalate to the point of war
Motivation:
• Want: Kate to take the V.P. position
• Need: to regain his reputation as “kingmaker”
Base Negative Emotion: humiliation from the last presidential election
Public Mask: he is confident and has everything together
Weakness: not being brought into the fold by Kate
Triggers: Kate doing things without him
Coping Mechanism:
Assignment #2 – My Characters
Veronica
Situational Hope/Fear: She hopes to uncover the truth about the cult and her father’s fate, but fears the unspeakable horrors she might encounter during her investigation.
Motivation Want/Need: She wants to expose the cult’s secrets, but she needs to find closure regarding her mother’s murder.
Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask: She hides her underlying fear and trauma stemming from her past experiences with the cult behind a facade of determination and skepticism.
Weakness: Veronica’s determination to uncover the truth sometimes leads to impulsive decisions. She rushes into dangerous situations without fully considering the consequences, putting herself and others at risk. Or Veronica’s independent nature can lead to a reluctance to seek assistance or confide in others when she faces overwhelming challenges. This can isolate her and make it difficult to share vital information with her allies.
Triggers: Discovering a trusted ally’s deception or disloyalty during her investigation triggers feelings of isolation and mistrust, pushing her to reevaluate her alliances.
Coping Mechanism: Veronica copes with the terror and challenges by doubling down on her determination and stubbornness, refusing to back down even when faced with unimaginable horrors. This unwavering resolve becomes her armor against fear.
Samuel
Situational Hope/Fear: Samuel hopes to manipulate Veronica into fulfilling the cult’s ancient prophecy, which can grant the cult and himself immense power. However, he fears that his true identity will be discovered, potentially jeopardizing his plan.
Motivation Want/Need: he wants to bring Veronica in to fulfill the ancient prophecy, but he needs to learn to control his abilities to prevent them from spiraling out of control.
Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask: Samuel hides his true motivations and supernatural powers behind a facade of a reformed cult member.
Weakness: obsession with power and the fear of losing control. Samuel’s relentless pursuit of harnessing the power of the malevolent entities has made him obsessed with power. This obsession can cloud his judgment and make him vulnerable to making reckless decisions in the name of gaining more power. Despite his supernatural abilities, Samuel has a deep-seated fear of losing control over the cult and the entities they worship. He constantly worries about internal dissent and power struggles within the cult, which can lead to paranoia and erratic behavior.
Triggers: Disloyalty or challenges to his leadership within the cult, especially when it comes from high-ranking members, trigger Samuel’s anger and insecurity. It threatens his control over the cult and drives him to take drastic measures.
Coping Mechanism: Samuel copes with his weaknesses and triggers by resorting to manipulation and deception. He is skilled at using psychological tactics to control cult members and sway potential threats to his authority. He maintains a facade of calm and benevolence while orchestrating sinister plans in the background. This manipulation and deception create an atmosphere of uncertainty and secrecy within the cult, making it more difficult for Veronica to discern the truth and gain the trust of cult members.
Dr. Stone
Situational Hope/Fear: She fears the consequences of sharing forbidden knowledge and the danger it poses, but she also has a deep curiosity and desire to understand the cult’s history.
Motivation Want/Need: She wants to uncover the truth about the cult’s ancient relics, but she needs to balance her thirst for knowledge with ethical concerns of putting others in harm’s way, grappling with the moral dilemma of whether her quest for knowledge and power is worth the potential harm.
Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask: She conceals her inner ambition and desire for power beneath a mask of objective research.
Weakness: her pursuit of ancient relics and knowledge may make her vulnerable to manipulation by others who seek to control her for their own purposes, using her ambition against her.
Triggers: any threat to her reputation, whether it be her radical theories being discredited or her actions leading to scandal, triggers intense anxiety and a need to protect her standing in the academic world.
Coping Mechanism: She copes by presenting herself as a detached and objective researcher while pursuing her own agenda
Father Malachi
Situational Hope/Fear: He hopes to find redemption for his past actions within the cult but fears the temptation of the powerful ancient relics he stole
Motivation Want/Need: He needs to atone for his past and seek salvation, but he wants to protect the relics and use them for a greater good.
Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask: Father Malachi hides his inner conflict and the temptation of the relics behind a facade of altruism and religious devotion.
Weakness: His inner conflict and the allure of the relics are his weaknesses.
Triggers: he church’s rejection and disapproval of his rogue methods and actions can trigger feelings of isolation and uncertainty about his place within the clergy.
Coping Mechanism: Father Malachi maintains a regimen of physical self-discipline, such as fasting, rigorous exercise, and self-imposed hardships. These practices serve as a means to remind himself of the sacrifices required on the path to redemption and to keep his desires in check. The physical discipline becomes a symbolic representation of his inner struggle and serves as a reminder of his commitment to a virtuous life.
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Renee’s Intriguing Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to have intriguing layers when creating a TV show. Characters that aren’t intriguing won’t hold the audience’s attention resulting in only one season being produced. The more intriguing the characters the higher the chances of getting more seasons produced.
Assignment #1
Character Name: Hal
Role: Rival
Hidden Agenda: he wants to be President.
Competition: his wife, Kate.
Conspiracies: He is pretending to behave so Kate won’t go through with the divorce.
Secrets: he is still playing at Ambassador and secretly pulling strings to help his wife
Deception: he is pretending to be behind Kate and only wanting to get her to the Vice Presidency
Wound: He has been black balled by the Secretary of State, Gannon.
Secret Identity: the loving husband
Character Name: Kate
Role: Protagonist
Hidden Agenda: to make a name for herself separate from her husband Hal.
Competition: her husband Hal
Conspiracies: Secretly meeting with the foreign secretary, cutting out Hal
Secrets: she wants the V.P. Job
Deception: she’s using her possible divorce from Hal to make it seem like she doesn’t want the VP job.
Wound: she’s always playing second fiddle to her husband, Hal
Secret Identity:
Character Name: Stuart
Role: supporting character
Hidden Agenda: he wants to be regarded as the “kingmaker” again.
Competition: His girlfriend at the CIA
Conspiracies: getting Kate to accept the fact that she will be a great VP
Secrets: he wants Kate to become VP so he can regain his reputation in Washington
Deception: he’s pretending to be happy with his current role.
Wound: he became disenfranchised with Washington after his candidate was elected then promptly removed from office by the courts.
Secret Identity: the dutiful Deputy Chief of Mission
Assignment #2
Character Name: Veronica Thornfield
Role: protagonist
Hidden Agenda: she wants to find out what happened to her father a member of the cult
Competition: A secret society dedicated to preserving the history and secrets of such cults, wanting to keep the story under wraps.
Conspiracies: Rumors that the malevolent entities the cult worships are not just myth but have infiltrated various sectors of society.
Secrets: she was kidnapped by the cult as a teen because they believe she is the key to fulfilling the ancient prophecy.
Deception: She hides her real reasons for investigating the cult.
Wound: her mother was murdered by someone in the cult leaving her feeling abandoned.
Secret Identity: a dedicated journalist looking to uncover the cult.
Character Name: Samuel Blackwood
Role: Antagonist (current cult leader)
Hidden Agenda: Solidifying his control over the cult by successfully bringing in Veronica and achieving the prophecy’s objectives.
Competition: Emily Dawson, A close friend and confidant of Veronica and local librarian who assists in researching the cult’s history.
Conspiracies: Whispers within the cult that Samuel has personal motivations for the prophecy that don’t align with the cult’s original goals.
Secrets: he is Veronica’s half-brother who killed his father, to take over his role as cult leader and he gained possesses unexplained and unsettling supernatural abilities.
Deception: Feigning trauma and fear related to the cult’s activities to gain sympathy and trust.
Wound: The former leader of the cult and Samuel’s father impregnated Samuel’s fiancé.
Secret Identity: a lost follower
Character Name: Dr. Isabelle Stone
Role: Archaeologist specializing in ancient civilizations and the cult’s origins
Hidden Agenda: Acquiring the ancient relics stolen by Father Malachi to harness their power and control the malevolent entities.
Competition: Father Malachi
Conspiracies: Belief that certain powerful entities or organizations (e.g., secret societies) have been using these relics throughout history to shape world events.
Secrets: Knowledge of rituals and incantations linked to the relics, which can enhance or control their powers.
Deception: Portraying herself as an objective researcher when, in reality, she’s driven by ambition and hunger for power.
Wound: Was once ridiculed or ostracized in the academic community for her radical theories about the relics, fostering a desire for vindication.
Secret Identity: Veronica’s ally
Character Name: Father Malachi
Role: Defrocked priest with knowledge of the cult’s spiritual rituals.
Hidden Agenda: To redeem himself and find salvation by helping to dismantle the cult.
Competition: The church, which disapproves of his rogue methods and seeks to excommunicate him further.
Conspiracies: Knowledge of high-ranking church officials who might have historical ties to the cult.
Secrets: Possession of the powerful ancient relics stolen from the cult.
Deception: Presents himself as purely altruistic, but he’s motivated by self-redemption.
Wound: A profound spiritual event or realization that shook the core of his beliefs, causing him to question his purpose and commitment to the church.
Secret Identity: a member of the clergy
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Is there a new link for today’s Zoom meeting? The link here won’t let me in because it says it was scheduled for Oct. 14th.
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Renee’s Engaging Main Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is that to have main characters that attract viewers you have to dive a bit deeper into what makes them tick. With feature writing you can get away with only thinking about the bare minimum and still have a character that an audience will show up for, but having to keep an audience engaged throughout a season and show run can be difficult if you don’t get down to the nitty gritty.
The Diplomat
Kate:
Role in show: U.S ambassador to Britain and possible replacement for the V.P.
Unique Purpose/Expertise: She’s a career government official and is there to shake up the traditional role between the US and Britain.
Moral Issue: Does she divorce her husband even if it ends her chances at becoming V.P. or does she stay with him.
Unpredictable: Will she stay in the role after finding out the she’s been on the shortlist of possible people to take over the Vice Presidency or will she resign and head back to the states.
Empathetic: She’s a woman trying to survive in a man’s world, with global implications if she fails to do her job.
Hal
Role in show: Husband of Kate and an ex US ambassador with a reputation.
Unique Purpose/Expertise: to get his wife to say yes to taking on the role of V.P. He is an ex US ambassador that knows how to play the game.
Moral Issue: Does he continue to do things his way and risk ruining his wife’s career or does he fall in line in order to help her succeed.
Unpredictable: Will he screw up his wife’s career and chances of being V.P. by going rogue in order to help her.
Empathetic: He obviously loves his wife and wants to see her succeed even if it means breaking the rules.
Lesson 2 – Assignment 2
1.Tell us the journey of your show.
2. Who are the main characters that will sell your show?
Veronica Thornfield
A. Role in the show: Protagonist, investigative journalist.
B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Fearless truth-seeker, determined to uncover the cult’s secrets.
C. Intrigue: Personal trauma involving a mysterious cult fuels her motivation.
D. Moral Issue: Crossing the boundary of journalistic ethics by delving into dark and dangerous territories.
E. Unpredictable: Will she risk her own safety to expose the cult, or will she back down when faced with unimaginable horrors?
F. Empathetic: We care because her trauma drives her, and we root for her quest for the truth.
Samuel Blackwood
A. Role in the show: Crucial source of information, former cult member.
B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Possesses in-depth knowledge of the cult’s inner workings and supernatural abilities.
C. Intrigue: Unexplained supernatural abilities gained during his time in the cult, making him an enigmatic figure.
D. Moral Issue: Wrestling with the ethical implications of his newfound powers and how to use them for good.
E. Unpredictable: Will he use his abilities to aid Veronica or for his own agenda?
F. Empathetic: We care because of his desire for redemption and his potential to be both an ally and a threat.
Dr. Isabella Stone
A. Role in the show: Archaeologist and expert on the cult’s origins.
B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Provides historical context and hidden knowledge about the malevolent entities.
C. Intrigue: Possesses a forbidden text that holds secrets and is willing to take great risks to share it with Veronica.
D. Moral Issue: Balancing her thirst for knowledge with the danger it brings to herself and others.
E. Unpredictable: Will her quest for understanding put her in harm’s way or provide crucial insights for Veronica?
F. Empathetic: We care because of her willingness to help Veronica and the potential consequences of her actions.
Father Malachi
A. Role in the show: Provides a spiritual perspective and insights into the cult.
B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Offers a unique insight into the cult’s rituals and practices.
C. Intrigue: Hides a dark secret from his time within the cult and seeks redemption.
D. Moral Issue: Balancing his desire for redemption with the temptation of the powerful ancient relics he stole.
E. Unpredictable: Will he use the stolen relics for good or fall back into old habits?
F. Empathetic: We care because of his inner conflict and potential to aid or hinder the investigation.
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Renee’s Three Circles of Characters
I learned from this assignment that AI can help flesh out the character in a matter of seconds rather than a couple of days, which is usually how long it took me to figure out just the main characters.
Assignment #1:
The Diplomat Character Circles
A. Main Characters Circle: Kate, Hal, Stuart, Ms. Park, Secretary of State Gannon (not 100% sure about this one yet.
B. Connected Circle: Ms. Bassett, Howard, Margaret Rowland, Foreign Secretary of State, Alyse, Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs.
C. Environment Circle: Staff at Winfield, the Security Team, the Embassy staff, the families of the dead British soldiers, stylists, photographers, the CIA team, Kidnappers, the government officials, the foreign operatives.
Assignment #2:
Main Characters:
Veronica Thornfield: a fearless investigator who’s determined to uncover the truth about the cult and the malevolent entities it claims to commune with.
Samuel Blackwood: a former cult member who escaped and is now a crucial source of information for Veronica.
Dr. Isabella Stone: an expert on the cult’s origins, helping Veronica trace their history.
Father Malachi: a defrocked priest who once tried to infiltrate the cult. He provides a spiritual perspective to the investigation, as well as valuable insights into the cult’s rituals.
Connected Characters:
Emily Dawson: A close friend and confidant of Veronica and a local librarian who assists in researching the cult’s history.
Detective James Moreland: the lead investigator on the case of cult-related disappearances in the area.
Alice Kincaid: another former cult member who narrowly escaped. She provides emotional support to Samuel and the other Lost Followers.
Professor Raymond Mercer: a colleague of Dr. Stone and offers his expertise on deciphering ancient texts related to the cult’s origins.
Environment Characters:
(Sub World A – The Lost Followers):
Support Group Leader
Local Therapist
Cult Debriefing Specialist
Law Enforcement Officers
Cult’s Former Neighbors
(Sub World B – The Cult’s Origins):
Cult Historian
Archaeological Research Assistant
Ancient Language Translator
Descendants of Cult Founders
Museum Curator with Relevant Artifacts
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The Diplomat’s Five Star Model
What I learned doing this lesson is how important it is to understand what goes into a Bingeworthy TV series. I’ve never paid attention to the 5 star points and I found it intriguing.
I chose to use The Diplomat, because I have never seen it and it was a show that was on my to-be-watched list. Here is what I found regarding the 5 star points while watching the pilot.
Big Picture Hooks
1. Who torpedoed the British carrier?
2. Why do they want Kate to be the Vice President?
3. What’s happening to the current Vice President?
4. Why does the U.S. President want Kate to be the ambassador to the British at this moment?
Intriguing Characters
1. Kate – she seems a bit rigid and someone who likes to play by the rules and not create waves. She doesn’t like the spotlight, which makes her an interesting choice for the ambassador to Britain, which is all about the photo ops and making everything look “perfect”. She thinks that all the photo ops and speeches are a waste of time and just wants to get down to the business at hand.
2. Hal – he is the opposite of his wife Kate. He doesn’t like to play by the rules. He does what he wants, to get what he needs. He is much more relaxed than Kate. He knows how to play the game even if he “cheats” to win.
3. Stuart – he is known as the Kingmaker. They tap him to feel out Kate as the possible selection for the next VP. Why is his opinion valued?
Empathy/Distress
Kate – she stands in her husband’s shadow. She is put in the spotlight and ends up having to play his game even though she hates it. She was pulled from an assignment in Kabul, which she is incredibly passionate about. People, including her husband, are conspiring behind her back. She is pulled into situations that force her to break the rules and procedures that have been in place.
Hal – He is looked over for the assignment that was given to his wife. He isn’t used to playing second fiddle to anyone, including his wife. He has trouble stepping back and letting his wife handle things her way, he meddles to get her ahead. Kate wants a divorce. He is drugged at the end of the episode and kidnapped, and no one at the photo shoot is aware of it.
Layers/Open Loops
1. Will she end up becoming the next VP.
2. Will she be fired by the secretary of state before she even has a chance to get started as ambassador.
3. Who blew up the British aircraft carrier?
4. Will she divorce her husband?
5. What happened to Hal? Who would want him?
Inviting Obsession
1. Will Kate learn about the plot to make her VP?
2. Will we learn who attacked the British aircraft carrier?
3. What will happen with Kate and Hal?
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I Renee, agree to the terms of this released form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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I’m Renee. I’ve written 5 scripts, one of which has been optioned. I am looking forward to learning how to write a Bingeworthy TV show that gets audiences hooked.
I participated in the Junior Olympic Archery Development Program in my youth.
I was in ProSeries 77, the very first Writing Incredible Movies, as well as a number of other classes with ScreenwritingU. This will be my first foray into the Bingeworthy TV world.
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The nonstop action from the opening moment of the scene immediately draws the audience into the story. Right off the bat, we see Jack with cuts and wounds and hear the others screaming off-camera.
You don’t immediately know Jack is a doctor, but you do know that he is a man of action. He jumps into the fray without a second thought and without fear to help the other passengers. Through his actions, we see he has some medical knowledge (using his tie as a tourniquet) and is a leader.
In this brief moment in the story, he is the only one accessing the situation from a doctor’s perspective. We know that through the rest of the show, Jack will think of others before himself, will become a leader, and is a man of action, regardless of his own injuries and any threat to his own life.
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I learned that the final scene in a film doesn’t have to end on a good note. When considering my final scene, I’m unsure how to make it more dramatic. I will continue to brainstorm ideas and hopefully, I can find a way to elevate the resolution scene so that it is more engaging.
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The resolution scene in Se7en is brilliant. There are so many max interest techniques included in it. You have a clear scene arc that is riveting. I think the best part of this scene is Kevin Spacey’s character dialog. He clearly tells you what he’s done without really telling Pitt’s character that he killed his wife. I loved the line ‘I envy your simple life detective’ or something along those lines. This is one of the few movies that I have seen where the antagonist ultimately wins. Not only was he able to complete his quest to complete the seven deadly sins through elaborate murders, but he was also able to get a man who swore to protect and serve his community to kill him in cold blood.
In this movie, evil won.
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I learned that when you have a 3rd act climax without a lot of action, you can elevate it through the dialog.
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The 3rd act climax of A Few Good Men is what writers should strive to emulate. At this point in the film, the defense team is at their lowest point, they are ready to throw in the towel and admit defeat.
Tom Cruises’ character has a dilemma and must quickly make a decision. He knows that if he pursues the line of questioning and it backfires, he will be dishonorably discharged from his position, but if he succeeds in getting the Colonel to admit he issued the code red, he will save the lives of two young men (even though they ultimately get dishonorable discharges for the role they played in Santiago’s murder. The writer keeps the uncertainty going until the end, when the Colonel finally admits that he ordered the code red.
The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end, with powerful dialog that keeps the story moving forward. Not a single word is wasted, and it manages to evoke a bit of sympathy for the Colonel when he explains why he did what he did.
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I’ve learned that each turning point needs to be bigger and more powerful than the last. As the movie progresses, the turning points need more tension, and the character should have more at stake. While I haven’t rewritten my scenes yet, I have gone through and brainstormed how to make them better and have a good plan for how I want to rewrite them.
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In Get Out, Jordan Peele did great with the turning points. Each of the three turning points increased the stakes for the protagonist and the uncertainty the protagonist felt about the situation.
In the first act’s turning point, Chris unknowingly gets pulled into the family’s ploy when Rose’s mother catches him coming in from smoking. He sits down with her, and she ultimately hypnotizes him without him realizing what is happening. This pulls the audience into the story because they wonder what is happening and how it will affect Chris and Rose.
The midpoint pulls Chris and the audience further into the story, and by now, Chris is starting to suspect that something is off with this family and their friends, but he can’t put his finger on it, creating more suspense for the audience.
The second act’s turning point is incredibly effective. Not only does it create anxiety for the audience, but it also reveals an important betrayal in showing Rose’s participation in her family’s plans. From this turning point forward, the movie is full of suspense and uncertainty about whether Chris will make it out alive. It does a great job of moving into the climax and resolution of the movie.
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Today I learned that my inciting incident might need to be reworked. While it puts the protagonist on a journey to find her strength, it isn’t all that exciting. I’m unsure right now how to change it, but I will start brainstorming ideas and see what max-interest techniques I might be able to bring into the scene to make it a bit more engaging and exciting.
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This is a very interesting inciting incident. It clearly sets up the journey to Act 3 not only for the protagonist but the other men as well. With the lack of action in the scene, the dialog becomes incredibly important. The writer did a great job of creating not only the stakes (a young man’s life hangs in the balance), but also creating unique characters through their voices. Each of the 12 men have distinct voices that reveal character in just a few words.
In this single scene it sets up the ultimate question, how will the protagonist change the mind of 11 men to save a young man’s life or will the “antagonists” prevail and change the mind of the protagonist.
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I learned that your opening scene must match the genre. This wouldn’t have been nearly effective at introducing the film’s world and genre if it started with a scene of Bruce Wayne at one of his charity functions. It is also important that the opening scene of any movie hooks the audience. This can be done by including as many interest techniques as possible.
The script I’m focusing on in this class needs the opening scene rewritten. In the back of my mind, I knew it when writing it, but I wasn’t sure how to change it. Now I have a better grasp on what I need to do to make the opening scene stronger and more engaging.
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The writer did a great job of establishing the movie’s tone and the world without blatantly telling the audience. There is a clear scene arc, with a beginning (the masked men preparing for a job), a strong middle (the masked men robbing the bank and each member killing off another team member), and a strong and surprising ending (the last robber standing is the Joker who commissioned the job).
There is plenty of conflict in the scene between the robbers, the customers/bank manager, and the masked men themselves. The writer created a great setup/payoff situation with the team members talking about the Joker and then revealing that the Joker was, in fact, with them the entire time.
There are also a ton of max-interest techniques included in the scene. There is suspense, surprise, a major twist, uncertainty, intrigue, and something unseen on the structural side. With the characters, we have betrayal, an uncomfortable moment, and misinterpretation. With the limited dialog in the scene, the writer used hooks, predictions, creating a future, and anticipatory dialog.
I hope that some day I can do as good of a job creating scenes as the writer did with the opening scene.
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Hi!
I’m Renee Moore. I’m an optioned screenwriter, and I’ve been taking classes with Hal since 2018. I currently have four finished scripts (three Horror scripts and one thriller) and about 1/2 a dozen in different stages of completion. I’m taking this class to learn how to create more engaging scenes and improve my writing.
Growing up, I was a member of the Junior Olympic Archery Development Team and would have been a part of the ’92 Olympics if I hadn’t broken my wrist the year before.
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As a member of this group, I, Renee Moore, agree to the following terms of this release form:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Renee’s Plan for Increasing Perceived Value
What I learned is how to go about setting my pricing for writing assignments. You have to look at the project and adjust your price accordingly.
Specialty: I specialize in horror stories with female leads.
How many producers on LinkedIn: 500
What will I do:
today: continue to send connection requests to producers.
the next 30 days: continue to work on my writing sample.
the next 6 months: continue to increase my expertise in horror.
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Renee is a Note Taking Professional
What I learned is the changes that the producer asks for aren’t personal. They are trying to get the movie made. Taking your emotion out of the decisions will go a long way in proving you are a professional.
Logline: A woman awakens from a coma with no memory of her past life and must remember who she is to learn the truth about the man who claims to be her husband before she loses her life.
Cut the budget in half: The budget for this film would be around $1 million, so I would need to get it down to $500,000. This would be tricky but doable. Right now, there are two to three locations. I could easily make this a contained movie. The first couple of scenes take place in a small town but could easily take place on a private island. I could also cut the cast to 5 or 6 characters.
Write it for a different audience: The audience for this script is females over 25 and males under 25. I can change the age of the protagonist to be in her early 20s rather than her mid-50s.
Double the conflict: As a horror movie, there is already a lot of conflict through the 2nd and 3rd acts. I could easily include conflict between the protagonist and her friends in the beginning scenes. I could also add more conflict between the antagonist and the doctor treating the protagonist while she’s in the coma.
Change the sex and age of the lead characters: All the lead characters are currently in their 40s. This can easily be changed to have them in their mid-20s but would have to rethink the characters’ priorities. Changing the sex of the lead character might prove a bit more difficult, but could set it up in a Misery-type way.
Change the genre: This could easily be changed to a drama with the lead character trying to find herself again after a tragic accident.
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Renee’s 4 Pitches – Daft 1
Elevator Pitch:
High Concept (using Goal/Opposition)
When a young girl is snatched by a mysterious creature while camping, a troubled young woman must find a way to defeat it and bring the girl home alive.
Elevator Pitch
I’m finishing up a story that pits a young woman struggling with addiction against bigfoot to save a young girl’s life.
Phone Pitch:
Hi, I’m Renee Miller, an optioned screenwriter with a horror script featuring a young woman struggling with addiction who must face off with bigfoot to save her niece’s life.
Budget – $1 – $5 million
Main Roles
Claire: Stephanie Scott
Adam: Luke Grimes
Mark: Someone like William Fichtner or Bryan Cranston
How Many Pages – 94
Who else has seen this – No one
Why do you think this fits our company – You recently produced (movie) which is similar in tone, genre, and budget.
How does the movie end? Claire is desperate to save her niece but is struggling with withdrawal, and when the creature takes her, it seems that all hope is lost, but she finds her strength and kills the creature, saving her niece.
Pitch Fest Pitch:
Credibility – I’m an optioned screenwriter.
Genre – Horror
Title – Something’s in the Woods
Hook – A young woman struggling with addiction must face off with a mysterious creature to save her niece.
Budget – $1 – $5 million
Actors for the lead roles:
Claire – someone like Stephanie Scott. With a low-budget film, I’d look for up-and-coming actresses.
Adam – Possibly Luke Grimer
Mark – Not quite sure about this one.
Acts of the Story
Act 1 – After a night of partying, Claire discovers that her niece was snatched by a mysterious creature while camping with her family. She joins the local search and rescue team looking for her niece, unaware that the man in charge is willing to let her niece die in order to exact revenge on the creature that killed his twin brother.
Act 2 – The search and rescue group heads deep into the backcountry in hopes of finding the girl alive, but the creature starts picking them off one by one. Claire discovers that Adam is working with Mark, and let’s slip that the missing girl is actually her daughter. The creature kills Adam and takes Claire to its cave.
Act 3 – Claire wakes up in the creature’s cave and discovers her daughter is still alive. They make a plan to escape, but before they can, Mark shows up and plans to use them as bait to lure the creature back. The creature returns and kills Mark, then comes after Claire. She scrambles up a cliff with the creature in pursuit. She struggles with the creature, ultimately pitching the creature over the side of the cliff. She gathers her niece, and they make their way back down the mountain safely.
How Does it End?
Claire manages to save her niece and deliver her safely back to her sister. Their relationship begins to mend, and Claire makes the decision to try and get sober.
Credibility
I have a script that was optioned. I have completed four feature-length scripts and have three in various stages of development. I have completed the Master Screenwriting Certificate program from ScreenwritingU, along with many other online classes.
Query Letter:
Email subject line: Horror: Something’s in the Woods
Dear (Producer),
It will stalk you through the woods.
Claire McKenna never thought she would be able to pull herself up from rock bottom. But when her niece is snatched from her tent by a mysterious creature, she knows that something has to change.
Will she be able to stay sober long enough to rescue her niece?
For decades, Mark has been searching for the creature that killed his twin brother. So, when he is charged with leading the search and rescue team looking for the lost little girl, he knows vengeance will be his, the girl be damned.
As the creature kills of rescue team members, will Mark’s need for vengeance doom them all, or will Claire find the strength she needs to take on Mark and the creature to rescue her niece?
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Sincerely,
Renee Miller
720-839-1154
Bio: Renee’s an optioned screenwriter who specializes in horror and thriller features with female leads.
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Renee’s Target Market
What I learned doing this assignment is that while a bit time-consuming, it is really invaluable to go through the process. I did this process during the Masters Screenwriting Certificate program and already have a spreadsheet with more than 300 horror producers and nearly 150 thriller producers.
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Renee’s Phone Pitch
I learned from this assignment how to put together a phone pitch and answer questions the producer might have.
What strategy will you use:
Lead with credibility.
Give us your phone pitch:
Hi, I’m Renee Miller, an optioned screenwriter with a horror script featuring a young woman struggling with addiction who must face off with bigfoot to save her niece’s life.
Budget – $1 – $5 million
Main Roles
Claire: Stephanie Scott
Adam: Luke Grimes
Mark: Someone like William Fichtner or Bryan Cranston
How Many Pages – 94
Who else has seen this – No one
Why do you think this fits our company – You recently produced (movie) which is similar in tone, genre, and budget.
How does the movie end? Claire is desperate to save her niece but is struggling with withdrawal, and when the creature takes her, it seems that all hope is lost, but she finds her strength and kills the creature, saving her niece.
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Renee’s Pitch Fest Pitch
I learned that I need to know my story and hooks to pitch the project to producers or managers.
Credibility – I’m an optioned screenwriter.
Genre – Horror
Title – Something’s in the Woods
Hook – A young woman struggling with addiction must face off with a mysterious creature to save her niece.
Budget – $1 – $5 million
Actors for the lead roles:
Claire – someone like Stephanie Scott. With a low-budget film, I’d look for up-and-coming actresses.
Adam – Possibly Luke Grimer
Mark – Not quite sure about this one.
Acts of the Story
Act 1 – After a night of partying, Claire discovers that her niece was snatched by a mysterious creature while camping with her family. She joins the local search and rescue team looking for her niece, unaware that the man in charge is willing to let her niece die in order to exact revenge on the creature that killed his twin brother.
Act 2 – The search and rescue group heads deep into the backcountry in hopes of finding the girl alive, but the creature starts picking them off one by one. Claire discovers that Adam is working with Mark, and let’s slip that the missing girl is actually her daughter. The creature kills Adam and takes Claire to its cave.
Act 3 – Claire wakes up in the creature’s cave and discovers her daughter is still alive. They make a plan to escape, but before they can, Mark shows up and plans to use them as bait to lure the creature back. The creature returns and kills Mark, then comes after Claire. She scrambles up a cliff with the creature in pursuit. She struggles with the creature, ultimately pitching the creature over the side of the cliff. She gathers her niece, and they make their way back down the mountain safely.
How Does it End?
Claire manages to save her niece and deliver her safely back to her sister. Their relationship begins to mend, and Claire makes the decision to try and get sober.
Credibility
I have a script that was optioned. I have completed four feature-length scripts and have three in various stages of development. I have completed the Master Screenwriting Certificate program from ScreenwritingU, along with many other online classes.
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Renee’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is how to break down my screenplay into the most important parts to get the concept and vision across to the producer in as few words as possible.
Email subject line: Horror: Something’s in the Woods
Dear (Producer),
There is something in the woods.
Claire McKenna never thought she would be able to pull herself up from rock bottom. But when her niece is snatched from her tent by a mysterious creature, she knows that something has to change.
Will she be able to stay sober long enough to rescue her niece?
For decades, Mark has been searching for the creature that killed his twin brother when they were teenagers. So, when he is charged with leading the search and rescue team looking for the lost little girl, he knows vengeance will be his, the girl be damned.
Will Mark’s need for vengeance doom them all, or will Claire find the strength she needs to take on Mark and the creature to rescue her niece?
If you like the concept for Something’s in the Woods, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Sincerely,
Renee Miller
720-839-1154
Bio: Renee’s an optioned screenwriter who specializes in horror and thriller features with female leads.
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Renee’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is how to sell an idea in one sentence.
High Concept (using Goal/Opposition)
When a young girl is snatched by a mysterious creature while camping, a troubled young woman must find a way to defeat it and bring the girl home alive.
Elevator Pitch
I’m finishing up a story that asks the question is bigfoot real?
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Renee’s Decreased Budget
I learned from this assignment that it is more challenging to reduce budget when you already have a low-budget feature. None of my scripts are high-budget films; they usually fall in the $1 million or less. But, the assignment did give me a chance to look at my current script and see where I might be able to change things to bring the budget even lower.
1.
Locations: I currently only have four locations, but if I have to cut them, I might be able to get them down to two or three.
Crowd Scene – I have a scene in a club with a lot of people. I could change the location to a small dive bar with only a few extras.
Number of Characters: Right now, I’m at 18 characters with lines. If needed, I could cut four to six characters and still have the same story.
2. The only scene I have that I could work on cutting is in the opening sequence. The protagonist is partying in a large club with lots of people. I must show that the protagonist is a deeply flawed individual with deep wounds. This could easily be accomplished by putting it in a dive bar with just a few other patrons.
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Renee’s Rewrite of Cameron’s Treatment
What I learned doing this assignment is that right now, treatments aren’t my strong suit. I never realized that writing a 2-3 page treatment would be more difficult than writing an outline. I hope I did Cameron’s treatment justice.
Title: EDEN FALL
Genre: Sci-Fi/Action
Logline: An android quests for redemption to raise someone she killed back from the dead, but her copy acting as her shadow/conscience, wants to murder and replace her as an act of justice. Janus, a young, headstrong AI girl, uses her power of possessing machines like a ghost to save Pan, a young boy, from imminent death at the hands of a massive mechanical monster. Even though Pan is from the Underworld of Eden, Janus’s home, she brings him home to meet her creator and designer of The Afterlife Protocol, a digital, artificial intelligence named Adam.
Adam grants Pan access to The Afterlife Protocol, ensuring him eternal life.
Janus is brought into the “guardian angel” program, where she learns that she has the ability to self-replicate. Intrigued, she creates another version of herself, using Pan’s body as a vessel for her duplicate consciousness, not realizing it would kill Pan’s own consciousness, effectively ending his eternal life. Having never experienced death in Eden, this affects Janus, and she is determined to save him.
Janus convinces her copy to head into the Underworld to resurrect Pan.
Adam discovers Janus and her Copy have made their way to the Underworld and is angry at losing his prized Guardian Angel. Adam duplicates his consciousness in order to allow “the truth” to be told and empathize with Janus’ position. Still, another version is committed to the vision of a paradise and wants Janus stopped. The two Adams fight to the death, with Adam, committed to creating a paradise in Eden, coming out on top.
Adam orders a group in the Underworld to hunt Janus and her copy down and kill her.
Before they can get too far into the Underworld, Janus and Copy are attacked by the Underworld’s own guardian, a three-headed, mechanized reaper. The two manage to defeat the guardian but are immediately taken captive by a band of slavers and tossed into a gladiatorial pit, where they meet a mute named Calvex. Janus helps him find his voice, which allows him to command any machine. He hatches a plan for their escape.
But Adam brings an army of machines down on Janus that tear her apart.
Having access to the Afterlife Protocol, Janus is able to reincarnate her consciousness into an empty, decrepit droid. Thanks to Calvex’s power, Janus and Copy are able to escape, but the peace doesn’t last long. Copy, unhappy with Janus’ decision to enter the Underworld, and her growing distrust of Janus, seeks out Adam. Copy learns the truth about her creation and agrees to help Adam.
In return for helping Adam to permanently end Janus, Copy requests to be allowed to return to Eden.
Janus learns how Calvex controls the mechanical beasts by reworking and healing their code. She sees this as the only way she can bring Pan back and asks Calvex to help. They make their way further into the Underground and are shocked to see hundreds of destroyed mech-warriors stacked into piles. Adam steps out from behind the pile with Copy by his side.
Copy duplicates herself several times, subdues Janus, and demands she deletes herself.
Janus, unable to see a way out, decides to give in to their demands, but Calvex sacrifices himself to save her. With her newfound freedom, Janus quickly uses what Calvex taught her to heal Copy and herself. With herself and Copy healed, Janus merges with Copy in self-actualization. But Adam isn’t ready to give up that easily.
Adam threatens to flood the world and start again.
Janus realizes she can’t let that happen. She calls to the forces in the Underworld and asks them to join her in rising up against Adam. But when Adam begins to duplicate himself and possess those he’s fighting, Janus knows she must do more. She attempts to heal his code as she did for Copy, but Adam is already too far gone and refuses to change.
Janus, in a last-ditch effort, sacrifices herself.
She unites her code with Adam in order to fill in the parts of Adam that were erased every time he copied himself. This allows a new, more compassionate Adam to emerge. When he sees the damage he has done to his world, he unlocks his source code and shares it with the world. He resurrects Pan and Calvex and opens up the world so the people of Eden and the Underworld are free to explore the universe.
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I’m ready to start the 2nd producer interview process. I am working on a psychological horror script with the title TBD. I’m also comfortable working with thriller scripts if needed.
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Renee’s Fantastic Treatment
What I learned doing this assignment is that a treatment is longer than a synopsis, but a lot shorter than an outline. I typically would do a long outline when I start a new script, but can see how a treatment would be helpful, especially when working with a producer.
Genre: Psychological Horror
Title: TBD
Concept: A woman awakens from a coma with no memory of her past life must remember who she is to learn the truth about the man who claims to be her husband before she loses her life.
Treatment
Four Act Structure
Lorena is your typical bored house wife. Her husband is an older tech mogul worth billions. Her only escape from her lonely island life is her weekly trip to the mainland to visit with her friends. During her latest weekly outing her friends only want to talk about how lucky she is that (husband) never wanted children, causing her to become sad.
After lunch, Lorena decides to do some shopping. She wanders around the small town listlessly, not realizing it is getting dark and time for her to head back to the island. As she walks toward the boat dock, she is brutally attacked and left for dead. (Inciting Incident)
Several months pass and we see that Lorena is lying in a coma in a small hospital room. Her husband talks with the doctor about his wife’s prognosis. They are hopeful that she will come out of her coma. Another couple of weeks pass, and Lorena miraculously wakes up. The only problem she doesn’t remember who she is or anything from her past life. (1<sup>st</sup> Act TP)
Lorena’s husband encourages her to explore the house and the island in hopes of jogging her memories, but nothing works. Reluctantly he has to leave her for business. One of her close friends hears that she’s back and makes a trip out to the island. With her arrival Lorena starts to see flashes of her former life. Her husband returns, but she still doesn’t remember him.
The days turn into weeks and Lorena starts to get stir crazy. She desperately wants to go to the mainland, but her husband insists that she’s not well enough to go, she might forget how to get home. They get into a heated argument and he hits her, knocking her to the ground.
Lorena wakes up the next day with more memories and the feeling that something is off. Her husband apologizes about hitting her before leaving for his work on the mainland. Once he leaves Lorena starts really exploring the house for anything that will help her put together the pieces of her former life. During her search she finds a hidden set of stairs that leads into a basement.
In the basement she finds the body of her dead husband and boxes of pictures of their life together. She also finds a journal that talks about a man from the main island that she had an affair with who became obsessed with her after she broke it off. The pieces are starting to come together. (2nd Act TP)
After her discovery, Lorena knows that her life is in peril and she must escape. While she is in the hidden basement room, she hears her “husband” come home. She scrambles to put everything back where it was. She sneaks back into the main house and goes about preparing dinner.
While her husband is in his office working, Lorena hastily packs a small bag with only the essentials and some jewelry that she can sell once she’s free. She plans to leave that evening, but her “husband has other plans. She’s stuck.
The next day her “husband” leaves the island for work. This is her chance to leave. She grabs her bag and heads down to the boat dock. When she gets there her plans for escape are dashed when she discovers that both boats are gone. Feeling defeated, she heads back to the house to regroup and figure out a plan B.
Lorena searches the house again for anything she might be able to use to escape. She finds a box in her “husband’s” office with a false bottom. There she finds a bottle of Ambient. She realizes this might be her means of escape. That Friday, upon her husbands return from work, she puts her plan in motion.
That night, as she’s preparing diner, she crushes several Ambient pills up and adds them to his dinner. After dinner he retires to the office. Lorena waits. Later that evening, she creeps into his office and finds him asleep at his desk. She hurries out of the house.
As she makes her way down to the boat dock, her “husband” rushes out of the house and tackles him to the ground. They struggle. He gets on top of her and starts to strangle her. As she starts to lose consciousness, her two small dogs rush out of the trees and attack her “husband.” His grip on her loosens enough for her to get out from under him. (3rd Act TP)
As the dogs attack her “husband” Lorena takes off to the boat dock. She gets to the boat dock, grabs her back and jumps in the boat. She gets the boat started. As she is pulling away from the dock, her two dogs run up and jump in the boat with her. She just about clears the dock, when her “husband” jumps into the boat, barely making it. The dogs bark and snap at him as he climbs into the boat.
He grabs one of the dogs and throws it out of the boat. The other dog attacks him. He picks it up and breaks its neck. Lorena continues to steer the boat toward the main land. Her husband grabs her and tosses her to the back of the boat. He hits her. She’s dazed. He starts to strangle her again.
She struggles against him. She manages to reach her bag. She’s starting to lose consciousness. She grabs a gun from her bag and brings it up to his side and pulls the trigger. He falls off of her. She gasps for breath. She gets up and heads to the front of the boat. Her “husband” gets up and stumbles toward her. She jerks the boat to the right. It tips just enough for him to stumble and fall overboard.
Lorena turns the boat around and grabs her dog and pulls him from the water. She turns the boat back toward the main land and she speed off into the “sunset.”
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Renee’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is that each time I go through this process it gets easier. Finding and including the hooks in your query letter is a great way to grab the attention of producers.
Something’s In the Woods
Claire McKenna never thought she would be able to pull herself up from rock bottom. But, when her niece is snatched from her tent by a mysterious creature, she knows something has to change.
Will she be able to stay sober long enough to rescue her niece?
For decades, Mark has been searching for the creature that killed his twin brother when they were teenagers. So, when he is charged with leading the search and rescue team look in for the lost little girl, he knows vengeance will be his, the girl be damned.
Will Mark’s need for vengeance doom them all, or will Claire find the strength she needs to take on Mark and the creature to rescue her niece?
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Renee’s Synopsis for Producer Interview
What I learned doing this assignment is hopefully how to take notes from producers and help them realize their vision.
Title: TBD
Genre: Horror
Concept: When a woman wakes up from a comma with no memory of her life, she trusts the man who claims to be her husband, but when flashes of her old life start to surface she realizes her life is in danger and she must find a way to escape before she shares her real husband’s fate.
Lorena loves her life. She lives on a secluded island with her perfect tech genius husband and two adorable Pomerania pups. On one of her weekly outings to the mainland, she is viciously attacked and left for dead. (inciting incident)
Two months later, Lorena wakes up in a makeshift hospital room, hooked up to different machines that all monitor her stats. A doctor comes in and fills her in on what happened. She doesn’t remember anything about her life before the attack, so when the doctor introduces Trent as her husband, she believes him.
After the doctor clears her, Trent brings her out of the makeshift hospital room directly into their expansive mansion. Lorena wanders around the house looking at everything, but nothing helps bring her memories back, but something tugs at the back of her mind. As she goes about her days, small snippets of her previous life start to surface.
One day some visitors show up, bringing in bags of groceries and cleaning supplies. They do know Lorena and are happy that she is alright and back at the house. The house cleaner runs into Trent. She knows Trent isn’t Lorena’s husband but before she can warn her, Trent kills her and shoves the body into a secret basement room.
Life gets back to normal (as normal as things can get when you can’t remember who you are) for Lorena, but soon things take a turn for the worst when Lorena expresses her interest in going to the mainland to shop. Trent becomes enraged and incredibly controlling. He hits Lorena, sending her into the wall. She loses consciousness for a moment.
When she comes to, memories of her previous life start to flow. While she still doesn’t know that Trent really isn’t her husband, she knows that the rage she just witnessed isn’t normal. She decides she needs to get to the bottom of things.
She explores every nook and cranny of the house. She finds pictures of her and her friends and pictures of her previous life. More memories surface, including the day she was assaulted. She finds the secret room in the basement and finds not only the housekeeper’s body but the body of her husband and her sister.
Trent comes home while she’s in the basement. She hears him enter and quickly leaves the room and creeps back upstairs. Trent apologizes for hitting her. She is terrified but plays along. The next day she leaves the house and explores the island for a way to escape. She finds the boat dock, but the boat is missing.
That night she formulates a plan to try and escape while Trent is asleep. She packs a small bag and stashes it in the boat house. She finds some Ambien and crushes it up, puts it in his diner drink, and waits. He falls asleep in his chair, or so she thinks. She races upstairs and changes. She grabs her wallet and cell phone and creeps back downstairs.
Trent isn’t in his chair. He comes up from behind and grabs her by the hair. They struggle. She manages to get away and heads out the door. She runs blindly through the darkness. Trent is right behind her. He tackles her. He tries to choke her. She struggles against him. As she starts to lose consciousness, one of Lorena’s dogs comes out of nowhere and bites him. He lets her go.
She scrambles to her feet. She races to the boat dock and grabs her hidden bag. She steps inside and falls to her knees because the boat is not there. She hears Trent not too far from the boat house. She drops her bag and hops in the water, hiding under the deck. Trent stumbles in. Lorena sinks farther into the water.
Trent leaves. Lorena comes out. She pulls herself up from the dock. She looks out across the bay. She can barely make out the shoreline. She makes up her mind to try and swim to the shore. She removes her sweatshirt and pants, grabs her bag, and slings it over her body. She gets back in the water and swims.
Pretty soon she hears the engine of the motorboat. It gets closer and closer. She stops and treads water as the boat comes up beside her. Trent reaches down and plucks her out of the water. They struggle. Lorena manages to get the knife she packed in her bag out. She stabs Trent several times and pushes him off her and into the water.
She takes a few breaths, then moves to the front of the boat and takes off toward the shoreline. We watch as Trent slowly sinks under the water.
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If anyone would like to partner up, I’m ready. I have a fairly flexible schedule so most days/times will work for me.
I specialize in horror, so another horror writer would probably work best, but I can also help with other genres.
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Renee’s 10 Most Interesting Things
What I learned doing this assignment is in order to have a pitch that will hook producers you have to find the gold nuggets in your script.
1. Most unique thing about the hero or villain?
* hero is a deeply troubled woman who struggles with drug addiction and alcoholism.
* villain is a mysterious creature that can tear a person apart in seconds.
2. Major Hook of the Opening Scene
* we can see the kind of damage the creature can do in seconds. Sets up the antagonist’s motivation.
3. Turning Points
* 1st Act – One of the team members wanders from the group and is killed by the creature.
* 2nd Act – They realize they aren’t dealing with an ordinary forest animal.
* 3rd Act – Claire is taken alive by the creature.
4. Emotional dilemma
* Claire must decide to remain sober and save her niece, or give in to her disease and risk the life of her niece and destroy the fragile bond with her sister.
5. Major Twists
* The missing girl is not Claire’s niece but her daughter.
*Claire must not only fight the creature but fight Mark as well.
6. Reversals
* I don’t have any reversals.
7. Character Betrayals
* Mark is willing to sacrifice Maddie for revenge on the creature.
* Adam is working with Mark.
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Renee Meets Producers/Managers
What I learned from doing this assignment is that you have to approach producers and managers differently.
1. How will you present yourself and your project to producers?
I will only present them with high-concept, highly marketable scripts. I’ve been working with a producer who optioned my script in 2021 and was more than willing to make the changes he suggested. Some of the changes were due to budget (getting rid of the rain aspect of the script) and some of the changes were based on pumping the action up a bit more to make the scenes a bit more exciting. I’ve really enjoyed working with the producer so far and have my fingers crossed that he will get the last bit of money so he can start production.
2. How will you present yourself and your projects to managers?
I will only present them with highly marketable ideas. I will follow their advice on changes I need to make to hone my writing. I will make sure that they know that I can work with producers on writing assignments.
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Renee’s Horror Writing Sample Plan
What I learned doing this assignment is that you don’t have to provide the first 10 pages when asked for a writing sample.
Set-Up:
This is the start of the 3rd Act. The members of the search and rescue mission hear one of their members getting killed by the creature as he patrols the perimeter of their campsite. The group decides that it can’t wait until morning to continue the mission and are gathering their things when the creature begins stalking toward them in the woods.
EXT. CAMPSITE – NIGHT
Adam stands, worried. The rest of the group packs bags. John hands out weapons. Claire looks over at Adam, concerned.
There’s a rustle in the bushes behind Claire. Everyone stops what they are doing. They turn toward the sound. John shines his flashlight into the trees.
The vegetation moves again, not the tiny swish of a fox or coyote, but a pull-it-out-by-the-roots shake.
BENNETT
What the hell?
It stops. John takes a step forward.
JOHN
That sounded like something big.
He reaches into the small of his back. Pulls out a small handgun. Bennett takes a step back. Points his flashlight up.
BENNETT
Look at the treetops.
Everyone looks up. The tops of the tallest pines sway as if something huge is pushing between them.
Lexi moves closer to Claire. She takes her hand. Claire looks over. Gives her a strained smile.
Molly moves behind John. Tracy takes a step back, her hand to her mouth. Adam pulls a gun from his waistband and aims it at the trees.
Bushes rustle behind them. They whip around, eyes wide. John shines his flashlight into the trees. The group collectively holds its breath.
A small brown fox rushes out. It races across the clearing and disappears into the trees.
Everyone lets out a collective breath. Bennett and John look at each other. Chuckle. Adam bends down. Grabs his pack.
ADAM
We need to get going. The sooner we find Maddie, the sooner we can get off this God-forsaken mountain.
The others nod. Each member picks up their pack. An earsplitting guttural screech pierces the air.
TRACY
What the fuck was that?
Adam looks at John. A giant, hairy hand shoots out from the darkness. It grabs Tracy. Yanks her from her feet. She disappears into the trees screaming.
Chaos erupts. John takes off after Tracy.
ADAM
John! Get back here.
Lexi squats down and puts her arms over her head. She rocks back and forth.
LEXI
This is not happening.
Bennett rushes over to her. He kneels and puts a protective arm around her. He whispers in her ear.
Lexi covers her mouth, eyes wide. Her breath comes in short ragged bursts. She stares at Tracy’s dismembered arm. She jumps to her feet.
Molly screams. She backs up. Another guttural screech erupts from the trees. Molly bolts into the trees.
Claire looks at Adam. Terror fills her eyes. Something flies out of the trees and lands near Lexi. It’s Tracy’s arm.
There’s a low howl from the trees. It increases in volume and intensity until it is a high-pitched scream. Everyone covers their ears.
It is too much for Lexi. She takes off into the woods.
CLAIRE
Lexi!
Claire rushes forward. Adam grabs her around the waist. She struggles against his grip. Bennett takes off after Lexi.
CLAIRE
Let me go!
ADAM
We have to go. Now.
EXT. FOREST – JOHN – NIGHT
John runs through the dark forest, his flashlight cutting a small beam of light through the dark.
JOHN
Tracy! Tracy!
John stops. Listens. Silence. He sweeps his flashlight back and forth. There’s a rustling sound behind him.
He turns. Shines his flashlight into the trees. A twig snaps. John prepares to flee. A small, dark figure staggers in front of the light. John’s breath hitches.
Molly runs out of the shadows. She slams into John and screams. She lashes out, hitting him in the chest.
JOHN
Molly, it’s alright. You’re alright.
Molly looks up at John. There’s movement in the bushes behind her. She turns wide-eyed.
MOLLY
We have to get out of here.
JOHN
We need to find Tracy.
MOLLY
She’s dead. We need to go now.
JOHN
How do you know she’s dead?
MOLLY
Because her severed arm is back at the camp.
To their right, the bush rustles. They whirl around. John shines his light into the trees. A massive, hairy leg retreats behind a tree. Molly steps back.
MOLLY
Did you see that?
JOHN
Yeah. We got to move. Now!
Molly takes off into the trees, John right behind her. Something flies out from behind a tree and knocks John to the ground; his flashlight flies into the bushes.
Molly hurries back. She picks up John’s flashlight and reaches out a hand to John. An enormous, hairy hand grabs John by the leg. John’s head whips around, and he kicks out, landing a glancing blow.
JOHN
Ahhhh! It’s got me.
Molly shines the light on John’s leg. It lands on a face that is the cross between a man and an ape.
The light blinds the creature. It screams, revealing a set of large, yellow sharp teeth, bits of flesh, and muscle lodged between the canines.
Molly falls backward, hitting the ground. The flashlight flies from her hand.
The creature screams. It sinks its claws deeper into John’s leg. John screams in pain. The creature turns. Drags John into the trees.
JOHN
Molly! Run!
Molly sits, stunned, her breath coming in short, shallow bursts. John screams as the creature drags him into the trees.
EXT. CAME SITE – SIMULTANEOUS
Adam and Claire rush around. They grab their supplies. High, torturous screams pierce the quiet night.
Adam and Claire look at each other. Adam grabs his pack and puts a gun in his waistband. He races toward Claire. He grabs her, dragging her into the trees.
EXT. FOREST – LEXI – SIMULTANEOUS
Lexi runs blindly through the trees. She looks over her shoulder. Low-hanging branches whip at her face.
She stumbles over a tree branch. Her arms windmill out in front of her. She slams into a tree. She leans against it. Catches her breath.
A tortuous scream. Lexi lets out a sob. Tears stream down her face. She pushes away from the tree and runs.
She looks over her shoulder. Her foot catches on something big. She flies forward.
LEXI
Fuck!
She hits the ground hard. She rolls over, wheezing. She sits up. She looks around. It’s pitch dark.
She reaches into her pocket. Pulls out her phone. She turns the flashlight on. She points the light toward the object she fell over.
LEXI
Ahhhhh!
Lying on the ground is Jacob. His chest; a bloody mess. Intestines spill out of his stomach. His skin is grey. His dead eyes stare at Lexi. His mouth opened in a silent scream.
Lexi’s hand flies to her mouth. She hurries back until she hits a tree. Tears stream down her face. She sobs.
EXT. FOREST – MOLLY – NIGHT
Molly runs blindly through the trees. Branches grab at her face, leaving tiny scratches. She over her shoulder. She trips on a tree root and stumbles. She catches herself on a large tree. She bends over, taking in deep, labored breaths.
A branch snaps behind her. Her eyes grow wide. She dares a glance behind her but can’t see very far in the darkness.
She pushes away from the tree. Continues to hurry through the forest. She glances behind her. Her foot catches on something. She trips, pitching forward.
She lands on something. She shakes her head and looks down. It’s Paul. He stares into the sky, eyes unseeing. Sticky blood covers his chest. His abdomen is torn open.
Molly screams. She falls backward. Her chest heaves. Big, tortured sobs escape her lips. She screams in frustration and fear.
Leaves rustle behind her. She goes still. She covers her mouth to quiet her sobs.
Something big crashes through the trees behind her. She closes her eyes and shrinks into herself, trying to make herself as small as possible.
The sounds behind her go quiet. She relaxes a little. She takes a few deep breaths and peeks around the tree. Something grabs her and drags her, screaming into the woods.
EXT. FOREST – LEXI – NIGHT
Lexi sits against the tree, crying. A branch snaps. She looks up, eyes wide. She pushes herself up from the ground.
Bennett crashes out of the trees. Lexi lets out a half-sob, half-chuckle. She runs at Bennett and collides with him. She throws her hands around his waist.
LEXI
Thank God, it’s you.
BENNETT
We need to get back to the others.
Lexi pulls back. Nods in agreement. Bennett looks past her and spots Jacob. He takes a startled step back.
BENNETT
Jesus!
He pulls out his flashlight and shines it at Jacobs’s body.
BENNETT
Somebody has a lot of explaining to do. There is no fucking way a bear did that.
Lexi puts a hand on Bennett’s arm. She brings her finger to her lips. She looks over her shoulder into the dark.
LEXI
Do you hear that?
A soft moan comes from the trees to their left. Lexi takes a step forward and listens. Another moan.
BENNETT
Shit.
He moves toward the sound. He sweeps his flashlight back and forth in front of him.
Just beyond the trees is a body. Lexi rushes forward. She drops to her knees. It’s Scott. He moans.
Bennett comes up behind her. Swears under his breath.
LEXI
He’s alive.
BENNETT
Holy shit!
Bennett moves forward. He drops to his knees next to Scott. He looks over his body, assessing his injuries.
BENNETT
He’s in pretty bad shape. We have to get him out of here.
LEXI
How are we supposed to do that?
He slides his backpack from his shoulders and opens it. He pulls out a blanket and a roll of duct tape. He places the items on the ground. He looks at Lexi.
BENNETT
Do you have a trekking pole?
Lexi grabs the trekking pole from her bag. She hands it to Bennett. He takes his pole from his pack. Sets it next to the other items.
He stands up. Takes a step away from Scott and Lexi. He unfolds the blanket and lays it down.
He picks up the trekking poles, extends them to their full length, and places them on the blanket.
Lexi looks on with interest.
LEXI
You’re a real fucking Boy Scout, aren’t you?
BENNETT
Since I was five.
He folds the blanket over the poles. Scott moans. Lexi reaches over, placing a hand on his chest to comfort him.
Bennett grabs the duct tape. He wraps a strip across the blanket and around the poles.
Bennett finishes with the duct tape. He motions to Lexi.
BENNETT
Help me move this closer to Scott.
Lexi stands up. She helps Bennett move the stretcher over.
BENNETT
Alright. You grab him under his shoulders, and I’ll hold his legs.
Lexi squats down. She places her hands under Scott’s shoulders. Bennett grabs his legs.
BENNETT
We’ll lift him up and move him over to the stretcher on the count of three.
A loud howl erupts from the trees. Lexi looks around, panicked. She almost drops Scott.
BENNETT
We need to hurry. One, two, three.
Lexi and Bennett lift the stretcher. Scott screams in pain. With little delay, they move him to the stretcher and set him down.
LEXI
Scott, I know you’re in pain, but you must be quiet.
BENNETT
Alright, let’s get the hell out of here.
Lexi nods. She grabs the two poles near Scott’s head. She picks them up and looks over her shoulder at Bennett.
BENNETT
Ready? Let’s find our way home.
Lexi nods. They walk as fast as they can through the trees.
EXT. FOREST CLEARING – NIGHT
Claire steps into a small clearing. Adam is on her heels. They stop. Look around. Adam pulls out the map.
ADAM
It shouldn’t be too much farther.
An ear-piercing guttural screech pierces the air. Adam and Claire freeze.
CLAIRE
That sounded close.
Adam looks at Claire. A scream fills the air. Claire moves closer to Adam.
CLAIRE
That can’t be good.
ADAM
Let’s keep moving.
CLAIRE
Shouldn’t we see if we can help?
ADAM
If we look for them, we must abandon the search for Maddie. It’s your choice.
CLAIRE
What aren’t you telling me?
Adam walks up the small path. Claire looks out into the trees again. She turns and hurries to catch up.
EXT. FOREST – NIGHT
Lexi and Bennett hurry through the forest as fast as they can with the extra burden of Scott. Lexi struggles to breathe.
LEXI
Can we stop for a minute? I need to catch my breath.
Bennett slows to a stop. They set the stretcher down. Lexi leans over her knees and takes deep breaths.
Something big crashes through the trees toward them. Lexi turns, eyes wide, and looks at Bennett.
BENNETT
Time to move.
They pick up the ends of the stretcher. They make their way through the trees as fast as they can. The crashing behind them stops. The forest goes quiet.
Lexi and Bennett slow their pace a bit. An enormous, hairy creature, standing more than seven feet tall, rushes out of the trees and grabs Bennett.
It yanks him back; he loses his grip on the stretcher. Lexi falls back at the sudden slack but manages to keep her footing without losing her grip on the stretcher.
She doesn’t dare look back. Without hesitation, she rushes forward, dragging the stretcher behind her. Bennett screams. Tears fall down Lexi’s face.
EXT. FOREST – CLAIRE – NIGHT
Claire hikes behind Adam, looking worn out and tired. Adam looks back at her, and he stops. He takes a deep breath. He turns to face her.
ADAM
I’m so sorry, Claire. Before you showed up at base camp, Paul, Scott, and I were given a different directive.
CLAIRE
What do you mean?
ADAM
Mark. He has some vendetta against this thing. And we were instructed to bring it back alive no matter the cost.
CLAIRE
You mean by sacrificing Maddie?
Behind Claire, the tops of several large trees whip back and forth. Adam steps back. Claire sees the fear on his face.
The creature stumbles into the clearing. It reaches out and grabs Claire’s leg. It yanks her from her feet.
Adam pulls out his gun. He fires at the creature. A bullet hits it in the arm. It bellows, and it lets go of Claire.
She scrambles forward a few inches. Adam steps up. He helps her to her feet, half carrying, half dragging her backward.
The creature rushes forward. It roars, and it takes a lumbering step toward them.
Adam steps in front of Claire. The creature bares its long, yellowing fangs.
Adam fires off a few more shots. It rushes forward, grabbing Adam. It flings him like a rag doll against a tree. The audible crunch of bones breaking fills the small area.
Claire takes a step toward Adam. The creature swings its large clawed hand and swipes at her, knocking her down.
Her head hits the ground hard, knocking her out. The creature sniffs the air. It reaches down and grabs Claire. It throws her over its shoulder and disappears into the trees.
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Renee’s Key Business Decisions
What I learned doing this assignment is what it takes to get a producer to say yes to a project and how I can increase my chances of getting hired by a producer to write a script by keeping the key business decisions in mind.
Genre: Horror
Title: Something’s in the Woods
Concept: When a young girl is snatched by a mysterious creature while camping with her family, a troubled young woman must face off with a powerful man and the creature in order to bring the young girl home alive. While I think I have a high concept, I’m looking at trying to tighten the logline.
Audience: Fans of horror; male under 25, female under 25
Budget: $1 – $3 million (this could potentially be less than $1 million based on the limited locations, being mostly shot in the woods.)
Lead Characters: I believe I have a really strong protagonist. The monster is strong, but for the human antagonist (Mark) I need to include a bit more backstory to elevate his motivation. I can also work to elevate the triangle character a bit more I think. Not sure how to do this yet.
Journey/Character Arc: My protagonist’s character arc is really strong and I don’t think I need to do anything with it.
Opening/Ending: I’ve really struggled with finding the right opening, but had a breakthrough while working on this assignment. I was planning on doing a flashback scene in the middle of the story to share the antagonist’s motivation, however, I’m not a fan of flashback scenes, so instead, I’m going to put this scene at the beginning. As for the ending, I’m not sure about it. I think it’s okay, but could definitely be a bit stronger.
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Renee’s Specialty – Horror
What I learned doing this assignment is that when writing in a specific genre it is important to follow the conventions of the genre.
Film #1 – IT chapter 1 (highest-grossing horror of all time, $701.8 million)
First 10 minutes
• Isolation – Georgie is alone in the street.
• Death – Georgie
• Monster – Pennywise is introduced
• High Tension – will Georgie be okay
• Departure – a clown in the sewer
20 minutes in
• Isolation – Mikey is alone in the alley
• Departure – burnt hands trying to get out of locked/chained door
• High Tension – will the dead people get out, will Mikey be okay? What is happening?
• Villain – Pennywise hanging in the meat freezer.
22 minutes in
• Isolation – Stanley alone in the Rabbi’s office
• Departure – the woman from the painting is alive and in the room with Stan.
• High tension – the painting falls to the floor. Will the woman in the painting get Stan?
26 minutes in
• Departure – headless, burning boy walking down the stairs; red balloon floating down the stairs; burning Easter egg trail down the stairs into the library basement.
• Isolation – Ben is alone in the library basement.
• High tension – flickering lights; children’s laughter; what’s going on? Will Ben escape the boy?
• Villain – Pennywise running toward Ben.
35 minutes in
• Isolation – Patrick is alone in the sewers
• Departure – a bunch of dead kids appear in front of Patrick
• High Tension – Will they get him? His path is blocked.
• Villain – Pennywise appears behind a single red balloon.
• Death – Poor Patrick.
49 minutes in
• High Tension – abandoned house the door opens on its own.
• Departure – a zombie picks up Eddie’s pill from the ground.
• Isolation – Eddie is walking alone on the street.
• Villain – Pennywise standing behind a bunch of red balloons in front of the well.
52 minutes in
• Isolation – Beverly is in the bathroom alone.
• Departure – voices coming from the sink drain. Bloody hair attached to her arm. Blood gushing out of the sink.
• High tension – will the hair pull her into the drain with the rest of the dead kids?
57 minutes in
• Departure – Georgie runs across the kitchen.
• High tension – shadow in the hallway. Muddy footprints lead to the kitchen. Georgie is in the basement.
• Isolation – Billy is alone in the water-logged basement.
• Villain – Pennywise in the water next to Georgie coming after Billy.
65 minutes in
• Villain – Pennywise is in the bushes watching Mikey get bullied.
• Departure – Pennywise is eating someone’s limb.
72 minutes in
• Departure – Pennywise in the slide of Billy and his family. The slide projector works on its own, without power. Pennywise popping out of the wall, like the girl from the Ring.
• Villain – Billy’s mom becoming Pennywise.
• High Tension – will pennywise get to the kids.
77 minutes in
• Isolation – the kids are alone in the creepy house.
• Departure – Richie finds a missing poster of himself. The voice of the hobo talking to Eddie. A hole opens up in the floor in front of Eddie. A zombie’s hand reaches for him. The room Richie is in is filled with clowns (what he fears the most). A clown head swivels, watching Richie as he approaches a coffin. Richie finds a dummy in the coffin that looks like him, maggots squirming in his cheeks. Billy and Richie turn toward an old, dirty mattress on the floor, and Eddie, also dirty pops his head out and spits up blood. Billy and Richie open a door marked not scary at all and find half of Betty Ripson’s bloody body hanging from the ceiling.
• High tension – they find Betty Ripson upstairs, but she is yanked out of sight. The door slams shut, locking Richie and Billy in a room, and separating them from Eddie. Another door slams shut, isolating Richie from Billy. Will Eddie survive the pennywise attack? Will Pennywise get Billy and Frankie?
• Villain – Richie slams the coffin closed. Pennywise jumps out and runs toward him. Eddie is sitting in the kitchen with a broken arm and Pennywise climbs out of the old refrigerator and comes after him.
92 minutes in
• Departure – Henry sees a single red balloon attached to his mailbox. (uh oh) The woman on the TV talks directly to Henry, telling him to kill his dad.
• Villain – Pennywise appears on the TV among the children.
98 minutes in
• Isolation – Beverly is trapped in the house with her father.
• Villain – after hitting her father over the head with the back of the toilet, she turns to find Pennywise in the doorway. He grabs her by the throat. He takes her (bringing us to the final act)
104 minutes in (the start of the final act)
• Isolation – Beverly is all alone in the sewers.
• Departure – a mountain of dead bodies, many floating around the mountain.
• High Tension – Will she be able to escape? Is Pennywise going to kill her?
• Villain – Pennywise shows up dancing on a stage. He starts to strangle her.
108 minutes in
• Isolation – Mike is left alone at the top of the well.
• Monster – there is more than one monster in this movie. Henry attacks Mike trying to kill him.
• High Tension – Henry puts the sheep-killing gun against Mike’s forehead. Will this be the end of Mike?
• Death – Mike manages to get away from Henry and pushes him over the edge of the well. He falls to his death.
109 – minutes in
• Isolation – Stan is alone in the sewer. They are all alone in the sewer with Pennywise.
• Departure – the woman from the painting comes out of nowhere. Billy sees Georgie in the sewers and follows him. Billy finds Beverly floating in the air around the dead body mountain. Billy has to decide if he will save Beverly or follow his brother. As the rest of the kids look for Billy, Eddie loses his flashlight in the poop water, as he looks for it the faces of dead people float to the surface. Billy finds and talks to his dead brother Georgie.
• High Tension – will the others get to him in time? The woman is sucking on his face. Billy follows his brother. Is Pennywise going to win? Pennywise gets ahold of Billy.
• Villain – Pennywise peeks around the corner after the painting lady leaves. Pennywise transforms from Georgie’s dead body.
• Death – they kill Pennywise, or so they think.
Film #2 – Host (one of the highest rated horror on Rotten Tomatoes 99%)
It has the isolation part down as it is happening during the Pandemic, so everyone is alone in their own homes in lockdown.
18 mins in
• High Tension – During the online séance, there’s a knocking noise when the host asks if there are any spirits there. Jemma jumps up from her chair claiming that something is touching her neck.
22 mins in
• High Tension – the host of the group is disconnected from the zoom meeting. The rest of the group gets up to pee. Jemma’s candle blows out.
24 mins in
• Departure – Haley’s (the woman who set up the séance) chair flies backward while she is arguing with the group.
• High Tension – Haley tries to reach out to the spirit that pushed her chair back. Will it answer? Haley moves through her apartment with the computer looking for a sound they all hear.
26 mins in
• High Tension – there is a loud, simultaneous thud in all six of the participants’ homes. Caroline decides to go looking for the noise she heard that appears to be in the attic. What will she find?
• Departure – Caroline pans her video across the attic and it crosses a set of gray legs dangling from the ceiling.
31 mins in
• High Tension – Haley looks down the hall to her bathroom and swears she sees something that looks at her. Emma’s wine glass shatters in front of her.
• Departure – Haley takes a Polaroid of her bathroom and when it develops there is a body hanging.
34 mins in
• High Tension – they reached back out to the medium and while they were talking to her Haley’s light turned on then off quickly behind her. They ask the spirit if it is a friend and everyone’s lights flicker on and off quickly behind them.
38 mins in
• Departure – the group has ended the séance. They are waiting for Caroline to come back to the camera and the image shows a woman falling into the camera all bloodied for a split second. Emma points her camera up to the ceiling light that is swaying and when she lowers the camera there’s an image of a mask floating in the air in front of her.
• High Tension – Emma’s walking around her house and points to a ceiling light that is swaying. Emma reaches out for the mask and it turns toward her then disappears.
40 mins in
• High Tension – Emma grabs a bag of flour and starts flinging it around the area where the mask was floating. All her cupboards open behind her. As she is running from the footprints, all the items in her cupboards fly out onto the floor. She scoots into the hallway, the floury footprints appear and the light above blows out.
• Departure – footprints appear in the flour on the floor in Emma’s house and they are walking right toward her. Emma runs down the stairs toward the front door, as she reaches it she is picked up and dragged into the air before being dropped to the ground.
41 mins in
• High tension – Radina is trying to reach her boyfriend on the phone. The oven light turns on behind her and it starts to smoke. They call Radina over to the computer then her boyfriend falls from the ceiling behind her.
• Death – Radina’s boyfriend Oliver is dead when he hits the floor. Radina tries to leave the house, but the spirit grabs her and drags her back into something and blood splatters the camera.
42 mins in
• Death – it looks like Caroline doesn’t make it. She is the image from the 38 min mark that falls into the camera, knocking her computer over.
43 mins in
• High Tension – the remaining girls are arguing, and Haley’s chair is pulled out from under her sending her to the ground. She picks the chair up from the ground and tries to move it back to her computer it is ripped out of her hand and flung to the wall. Haley is knocked to the ground and dragged out of the room, the door slamming behind her.
45 mins in
• High Tension – Gemma has left to go help Haley. Teddy has returned and his light goes out. Teddy runs outside to his wife as he reaches her she is pulled back into the dark
• Departure – Teddy grabs a flashlight to head out to the electrical box and a deranged face pops into the camera. Teddy is running from the spirit and some of his furniture moves into his path. His flashlight falls on the monster again.
• Monster – We see what I believe to be the villain in the light from Teddy’s flashlight.
• Death – Teddy’s wife Jenny has her neck snapped by the spirit while floating in the air.
47 mins in
• High Tension – Teddy is hiding behind a pile of wood. His camera catches a pair of gray legs walking by a ladder. Teddy moves his camera around and there’s a noose hanging in the rafters of the barn. Teddy’s flashlight explodes. Music from the creepy music box is playing.
• Death – Teddy is pulled back, dropping his lighter and buns to death while Emma watches.
49 mins in
• High Tension – Emma is hiding under a blanket and there’s a loud thud from her bedroom.
• Departure – Emma picks up a blanket and throws it toward the door. It lands on a figure.
• Death – Emma runs outside and something picks her up and throws her into a picnic table.
51 mins in
• High Tension – Jemma breaks into Haley’s house. Jemma is lying on the floor with a bloody head and all of the cabinets and cupboards behind her slam open. She screams at the spirit and the chair behind her starts to wobbly.
• Departure – a wine bottle flies off the counter and hits Jemma in the head.
53 mins in
• High Tension – Jemma moves through Haley’s house in search of her. A chair falls over and Haley crawls out from under her desk. A chair from the kitchen moves into the hallway,
• Departure – Haley takes several Polaroids of the empty chair while getting closer and closer. In the final snapshot, the monster lunges at the remaining girls.
• Monster – the monster lunges at Haley as she takes the last Polaroid picture of the empty chair.
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Renee’s Marketable Components
Current Logline: When a young girl is snatched by a mysterious creature while camping with her family, a troubled young woman must face off with a powerful man and the creature in order to bring the young girl home alive.
What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to focus on the marketable components while first writing a script. It will be much easier to do during the planning stages than after finishing the script. I believe that my script in its current form is actually pretty strong in several of the components.
Unique – There aren’t a ton of movies featuring Bigfoot, with the last being eight years old and a TV movie I believe.
Great Title – I think the title ‘Something’s in the Woods’ does a good job of conveying what the story is about.
Wide Audience Appeal – horror usually does well with audience.
Similarity to a Box Office Success – most recently the movie ‘Cocaine Bear’ which has brought in $52 million since its release on February 24th.
Great Role for a bankable actor – I think the protagonist is incredibly strong and would be sought after for a bankable actor. The other two leads could use a bit more to make it a great role for a bankable actor.
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Renee’s Projects and Insights
The two scripts I’m going to bring to the class:
Title TBD: When a woman wakes up from a comma with no memory of her life, she trusts the man who claims to be her husband, but when flashes of her old life start to surface she realizes her life is in danger and she mush find a way to escape before she shares her real husband’s fate. Budget 1 – 5 million
Something’s in the Woods: When a young girl is snatched by a mysterious creature while camping with her family, a troubled young woman must face off with a powerful man and the creature in order to bring the young girl home alive. Budget 1 – 5 million
From the opening teleconference, I learned that I have more credibility than I thought and the best ways to increase my expertise in my chosen genre.
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Renee’s Project and Market
What I learned doing this assignment is that there is much more to having a professional screenwriting career than simply writing great scripts. You also need to learn how to continually market those scripts to get anywhere in the industry.
Title: Something’s in the Woods
Genre: Horror/Thriller
Concept: When a young girl is snatched by a mysterious creature while camping with her family, a troubled young woman must face off with a powerful man and the mysterious creature in order to bring the young girl home alive.
I think the most attractive part of my script is that it is a limited location, low budget, horror, with a great protagonist transformational journey.
I’m going to market to producers first because I think it will be easier to make contact with the producers. I’ve gone through the marketing process once before in the Master Screenwriter Certificate program and found it easier to connect with producers.
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Renee’s Credibility is Going Up
What I learned doing this assignment is that I have more credibility than I previously thought. This was a good exercise to see where I stand in regard to the industry.
To increase my credibility over the next 30 days I will:
1. continue to connect with producers on LinkedIn.
2. I will submit my scripts to coverage to see if I can get a “recommend,” if I don’t on the first try I will rewrite the script and submit it again.
3. I will try and increase my visibility on Google Search Results.
4. I will finish phase 4 of the Master Screenwriter Certificate program.
1. Your Writing Sample
– I haven’t received a ‘Recommend’ yet from coverage, but I have received a ‘Consider.’ This tells me that it is close and with just a few changes I can get a ‘Recommend.’
– One of the scripts I’m bringing into this class delivers on the genre well. The second script is more of a thriller, but I would like to see if I can make the changes needed to turn it into a horror. There are some horror elements present, but it just needs a bit more.
– I believe both scripts deliver on the 8 Business Decisions.
2. Screenwriting Accomplishments
– Contest wins, I don’t have any contest wins, for either of the scripts, but have made the Quarterfinals once. But, I haven’t entered any contests for a couple of years.
– Smaller deals (options, sales, writing assignments), my second horror script was optioned last year, by a small producer in Canada.
– Larger deals – No larger deals
– Movies produced – No movies produced yet.
3. The Google factor
– Google your name. How many items on the first page show you as a professional screenwriter? On the first page when searching ‘renee miller screenwriter’ my name appears in the top 6 results.
– Buzz posts, interviews, news reports, – I haven’t had any buzz posts, but I was interviewed last month for a YouTube channel about a branching narrative story (a.k.a. choose your own adventure) horror story for HiddenWorld.icu, where I mentioned that my screenwriting experience contributed to my success in writing these types of stories.
4. Your Network
– How many producers are in your network? I have over 800 producers in my LinkedIn Network.
– How many Connections do you have who are connected to producers? I have 100 connections that are linked to producers.
5. Education specific to screenwriting
– Degree in film or screenwriting – I hold a Bachelor’s in English with a creative writing emphasis.
– Master Screenwriter Certificate program at ScreenwritingU – I am in the process of finishing Phase 4 of the Master Screenwriter Certificate program.
6. Borrowed Credibility
– Represented by an agent or manager – No agent or manager yet.
– Working with a producer – I am in constant contact with the producer who optioned my script.
– Connected to a star – not connected to any starts.
– Connected to a funding source – I do have a few connections to film investors on LinkedIn.
7. IMDB CREDITS
– None yet.
8. Other forms of credibility that are related to screenwriting:
– I do write branching narrative stories in script format that are then turned into Interactive Audiobooks.
Renee’s LinkedIn Profile is Amazing!
My LinkedIn profile is already centered around screenwriting. I worked on this during the Master Screenwriting Certificate program. I did, however, go in and send connection requests to 20 more producers while I was there. I also went through and verified that I have the best presentation. I still need more endorsements and recommendations to be added, so if anyone in this class who haven’t endorsed me or given me a recommendation you can find my profile here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reneemiller0911/ and I will of course return the favor.
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Renee Miller – I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi, I’m Renee Miller. I have completed 4 scripts, one of which I optioned last year, and have another 3 in different levels of development. This was one of the first classes I took with Hal way back in 2017/2018, but I’m hoping to refresh my memory and get a bit more in-depth information from the video calls. Something unique about me is that I was a Junior Olympic Archer in my childhood and teens. I was slated to go to the 1990 Olympics but ended up with a compound fracture in my wrist and never got the strength back to continue with archery.
Additions based on the first lesson
Renee’s Projects and Insights
The two scripts I’m going to bring to the class:
Blind Justice: When a blind clairvoyant, who is able to see the final moments of a murder victim’s life, is unable to provide her detective friend with concrete clues to a violent murder, the sadistic killer is left to roam the streets looking for his next victim and putting her life and the lives of those she loves in danger. Budget 1 – 5 million
Something’s in the Woods: When a young girl is snatched by a mysterious creature while camping with her family, a troubled young woman must face off with a powerful man and the creature in order to bring the young girl home alive. Budget 1 – 5 million
From the opening teleconference, I learned that I have more credibility than I thought and the best ways to increase my expertise in my chosen genre.
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Renee Loves Anticipatory Dialogue
Vision: To become a well-respected writer who has my movies produced and have enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from this assignment is that my script automatically lends itself to anticipatory dialogue. Most of my scenes already had a least one of the 11 forms of anticipatory dialogue and the ones that didn’t I found it easy to add them in.
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Renee’s Banter Dialog
Vision: to become a well-respected writer whose movies are produced and with enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is how including banter in a scene can really create more interest that will keep the audience engaged.
Natalie pushes through the crowd and approaches Adam and Claire with a look of suspicion and disbelief.
CLAIRE
Natalie?
NATALIE
Why the hell aren’t you answering your phone? I’ve been trying to reach you all night.
Jared storms over and glares at Claire.
CLAIRE
I didn’t hear it.
JARED
More like you were too drunk to answer it.
Claire takes a deep breath struggling to keep herself calm.
CLAIRE
Where’s Maddie?
JARED
Shouldn’t you be home nursing a hangover?
NATALIE
Jared!
Natalie turns and gives Jared the look – you’re not helping matters.
NATALIE
Maddie’s missing.
Claire covers her mouth with her hand, eyes wide. She reaches out and pulls Natalie into a hug.
CLAIRE
I’m so sorry, Natalie.
JARED
Oh, please. You’ve never cared about Maddie. Why are you even here?
CLAIRE
Why am I here? I’m here because you didn’t do your job, Jared. You’re her father and you swore you’d keep her safe. You were supposed to protect her. But here we are. I guess that was just too much to ask from you.
Jared takes a step forward, hands clenched at his side. Natalie places a calmly hand on his arm. Adam stands quietly taking this all in.
NATALIE
Jared, we need all the help we can get to bring Maddie home.
JARED
And you think your sister, who lives at the club and has never turned down a drink, is the best person for the job.
CLAIRE
Excuse me? Who the hell do you think you are? You have no idea the things I’ve been through, what I’ve seen. You don’t know anything about me.
Natalie steps forward and looks Claire in the eyes.
NATALIE
I know you. And I know you will do anything to bring our Maddie back to us.
Claire searches Natalies eyes and sees they are filled with nothing but love and concern for her.
CLAIRE
I will do everything in my power to find Maddie.
Jared huffs. Natalie turns and glares at him. Adam looks over at Claire.
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Renee’s Dialog Structures
Vision: to become a well-respected writer and to have my movies produced and enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to look at the dialog in a scene and determine a better structure to elevate the quality of the dialog. I found four scenes that I was able to elevate using the dialog structures. Moving forward I will consider each structure before I write the scene to find the one that works best for that scene.
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Renee’s Feedback Exchange 1
If anyone is ready to swap scripts you can email me at rmiller0911@gmail.com
I have a horror/thriller.
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Renee’s Elevated Emotion
Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who has my movies produced and have enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that it was difficult for me to go through and find areas that needed more emotion. I think that this is something that I automatically do when I’m writing my first draft.
Scene 11 Essence: Claire is being called in to help with a search and rescue mission.
Intensified: her sister is blowing up her phone because her niece is the missing girl.
Scene 41 Essence: the creature strikes.
Intensified: the leader of the mission, Adam’s PTSD is triggered by the gunshots.
I don’t recall the other scenes that I’ve changed for this assignment, as I’ve been doing several assignments simultaneously to try and catch up.
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Subject: Renee’s Dramatic Reveals!
Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer with my movies produced and enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is another way to elevate the quality of my script.
A. Reveal: The missing girl is Claire’s niece.
Demand: her sister is blowing up her phone with messages and texts.
Dramatically: Claire is called in to help with a search and rescue only to arrive and find her sister and brother-in-law there.
B. Reveal: Mark is willing to sacrifice Maddie.
Demand: Mark’s men, Adam, Paul, and Scott, get their separate assignments for the mission in the base camp tent.
Dramatically: Adam pushes against Mark about sacrificing the girl before standing down.
C. Reveal: The creature killed Mark’s brother.
Demand: Why is Mark so hell-bent on bringing the creature back alive?
Dramatically: Right now Mark is sitting in the base camp tent drinking and looking fondly at a picture of his brother. I am considering changing this to having him pass out and have a flashback that shows what happened. If anyone has thoughts on this (good or bad) I’d love to hear what you have to say.
D. Claire is able to fight off the creature with the knife.
Demand: What does Charlie know about what’s in the woods and why does he give Claire the knife?
Dramatically: First she uses it on Mark, then she is able to get the creature off her which leads it to its demise. She also is able to use it to save herself from going over the edge with the creature.
E. Maddie is actually Claire’s daughter.
Demand: she tells Adam that she had to give up her daughter who was a product of an assault.
Reveal: Claire slips up and tells Adam when she is yelling at him for going along with Mark’s plan to sacrifice Maddie.
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Renee Loves Character Depth
Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer with my movies produced and enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to look at my characters in a different way to create more depth.
I used the 2nd and 3rd methods to create more depth for Adam, the triangle character. Before, he just seemed to flow with the story without any issues. I determined that he would suffer from PTSD from an incident during his time in the Marines and used that to create an opportunity for my protagonist to take more of a lead. This caused me to have to once again rewrite many of the scenes from the mid point on.
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Renee’s Script Exchange
I will be ready to exchange scripts after this weekend. Mine’s a horror/thriller entitled Something’s in the Woods.
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Renee is Cliche Busting
Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer with my movies produced and enough work to keep me busy and keep the light on.
What I learned doing this assignment is that while many of my scenes at first glance seemed like a cliche, they were, in fact, tropes of the horror genre.
I am working on identifying any scenes that might be considered cliche and will brainstorm ways to change them up as I work through the script and the next lesson.
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Renee’s Solved Character Problems.
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer with my movies produced and enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that solving character problems early is essential for writing a great script. I am still working on this assignment as I go. I really like my protagonist, but the triangle character needs a bit of work, along with my antagonist.
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Renee’s Structure Solutions
Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer that has my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned is that my script didn’t match the pitch. The problem/solution grid was beneficial when it came to analyzing my script and finding major structural issues that need to be fixed.
After going through my script, I realized that it wasn’t much of a horror. So, I went back to the horror writing class I took years ago and fixed my outline. I ended up having to rethink and rewrite the entire script from the 2nd Act turning point. I am still working on getting the new scenes written and will continue to work through them as I look at the other lessons in this module. With this process, my turning points will end up being stronger, and my acts will work better than they are currently. Plus, I’ll really ramp up the horror.
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Renee’s Start of Act 4
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep myself empowered and not allow myself to stall out while writing the first draft. Just get the story down and fix issues as you rewrite.
How it’s going: I completed the first draft! Yay! I feel pretty good about the first draft. It is not very long, it came in at 62 pages, but that’s alright because I have a handful of scenes that I thought were needed while writing the first draft. Once these scenes are added in the next draft I should be sitting good at around 90 pages, the perfect length for a horror/thriller.
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Renee’s Continue Act 4
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep myself empowered and not allow myself to stall out while writing the first draft. Just get the story down and fix issues as you rewrite.
How’s it going: This is going to be a really short script, but it should get longer as I work through the second draft and add the scenes I made note were needed as I completed the first draft. The script needs a lot of work, but I’m happy with how it has turned out so far.
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Renee’s Start of Act 4
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep myself empowered and not allow myself to stall out while writing the first draft. Just get the story down and fix issues as you rewrite.
How It’s Going: Currently I’m at 53 pages through Act 3 with nine scenes to go. I think I’ll end up hovering just shy of 80 pages, but I have a lot of notes for things to add when we start on the second draft, so I think I’ll be fine and may even end up having to cut some pages when all is said and done.
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Renee’s Finishing Act 3
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep myself empowered and not allow myself to stall out while writing the first draft. Just get the story down and fix issues as you rewrite.
How It’s Going: With travel for Thanksgiving and getting sick myself, I haven’t gotten as far as I’d like, but I have no doubt I will wrap this up before we start the next Module.
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Renee’s Continuing Act 3
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep myself empowered and not allow myself to stall out while writing the first draft. Just get the story down and fix issues as you rewrite.
How It’s Going: I’m still trying to catch up, but I am confident that I will get through these lessons and be back on track by tomorrow.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Renee Miller.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by
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Renee’s Beginning Act 3
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep myself empowered and not allow myself to stall out while writing the first draft. Just get the story down and fix issues as you rewrite.
How It’s Going: Things have been slow to start this act. Between my daughter being sick and answering a Jury summons, I haven’t had much time to write this week. But I have no doubt I will get caught up in the next couple of days and get back on track.
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Renee’s Completed Act 2
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep myself empowered and not allow myself to stall out while writing the first draft. Just get the story down and fix issues as you rewrite.
How its Going: Phew! What a sprint. I finished up the second Act and then some. I’m going to continue onto the third act while I have the motivation and energy.
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Renee’s Continuing Act 2
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep myself empowered and not allow myself to stall out while writing the first draft. Just get the story down and fix issues as you rewrite.
How It’s Going: Things are still going good. I’m approaching the Act 2 turning point and am happy with how the script is coming along so far. While I know there will be a lot of things that I will need to change/add during the second draft, I’m making sure to honor the process.
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Renee’s Beginning Act 2
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep myself empowered and not allow myself to stall out while writing the first draft. Just get the story down and fix issues as you rewrite.
How it’s Going: I’m flying through the script. My Act one was a bit shorter than I’d like, but I’ve been writing notes as I go as to what I can add in later. I feel confident I will be able to continue to write at a high speed and get through this first draft easily. I’ve used this process before in other ScreenwritingU classes, but I always struggled. I think I’m finally willing to honor the process and write with out seeking perfection.
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Renee’s Finished Act 1
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep myself empowered and not allow myself to stall out while writing the first draft. Just get the story down and fix issues as you rewrite.
How it’s Going: I finished Act 1 in the last assignment. This assignment I’m moving forward with Act 2. So far, I’ve written 10 pages of the second act and will keep going. Hopefully, with this high speed writing process I can get through Act 2 in the next couple of days.
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Renee’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep myself empowered and not allow myself to stall out while writing the first draft. Just get the story down and fix issues as you rewrite.
I managed to get through another 10 pages with this assignment. It took me longer to get through just because I’ve had so many things going on personally that I could only write in bits and pieces over the last two days.
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Renee’s High-Speed Writing Rules
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep myself empowered and not allow myself to stall out while writing the first draft. Just get the story down and fix issues as you rewrite.
The process went great. I kept the rules in mind and quickly got three scenes written, totaling three pages in about 30 minutes. Writing fast is so much easier when you have a detailed outline to follow.
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Renee’s First Scene
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is that I don’t need to be perfect when writing the first draft. It’s more important to get the story down and not stall because I’m trying to think of the best word to use in the action and dialog.
This process was incredibly easy, thanks to the detailed outline. I was able to write the scene in ten minutes. There was one deviation from the outline in that I added a scene from inside the kids’ tent with the dad poking his head in. It remains the same regarding the scene’s essence, just added another perspective to the action.
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If anyone needs feedback on their script, let me know. I’m ready to exchange again.
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I will be ready to do another exchange with someone this evening. I have a horror/thriller called “Something’s in the Woods.” Let me know if anyone would like to exchange. Thanks!
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Renee’s Fascinating Scene Outline
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that it is much harder to add in interest techniques to a horror/thriller than I thought. I figured that the horror/thriller genre naturally lends itself to having interest techniques in every scene, but I’ve found out it is just the opposite. I still have a ways to go until this outline is 100% filled out but I got the blanks filled in that I could fill in and the rest will have to come as I go through the exchange process.
1. Ext. Forest – Night
A father checks on his kids in their tent.
Beginning: (Interesting Setting): The family is camping deep in the backcountry.
Middle: (Suspense): There’s rustling in the bushes near the tents.
End: (Creating a future): Is the family going to be alright?
Scene Arc: Goes from checking on his kids to returning to his tent.
Essence: The dad is checking on his kids.
Conflict: Will the kids stay asleep or will he wake them up.
Subtext: The dad doesn’t know the danger that is coming.
Hope/fear: We hope they stay asleep. We’re afraid they will wake up.
2. Int. Club – Night
Claire parties in the club.
Beginning:
Middle: (Misinterpretation) She freaks out when a guy approaches her and offers to buy her a drink.
End: (Something unseen) Her wound is causing her to engage in destructive behavior.
Scene Arc: She dances in the middle of the floor to her doing lines in the bathroom.
Essence: show Claire as a party girl.
Conflict: she’s breaking the law.
Subtext: she’s hiding a deep wound.
Hope/fear: We hope she’ll be alright. We fear she will get hurt.
3. Ext. Forest – Night
Something rips through the tent and gnarled, clawed hands snatch her from the tent.
Beginning: (Suspense) Is something going to happen to the family.
Middle: (Major twist) An animal has taken the girl.
End: (Mystery) We have no idea what snatched the girl.
Scene Arc: From family sleeping peacefully to terror.
Essence: There’s something in the woods.
Conflict: A girl has been taken.
Subtext:
Hope/fear: We hope she’s alright. We fear she will be killed.
4. Int. Claire’s House – Day
Claire gets a call about the missing girl.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) If her probation officer finds out she was partying last night she’ll be in trouble.
Middle: (Creating a Future) Her parole officer tells her she’ll need to be on high alert for this rescue.
End: (Dilemma) If she refuses to go she will end up in jail, if she agrees to go she’ll risk her parole officer finding out she’s still using drugs which is against her probation.
Scene Arc: Claire is in bed with a hangover to her being reminded she’s has community service commitments.
Essence: to show Claire’s ability to easily lie.
Conflict: if she doesn’t go she’ll end up in jail.
Subtext: she’s super hungover and breaking the rules of her probation.
Hope/fear: she stays out of jail, fear she’ll get caught.
5. Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc speaks with the missing girl’s parents about the mission.
Beginning: (Mystery) The girl was taken out of her tent, but only Marc knows what took her.
Middle: (Prediction) He tells the parents he will find their daughter.
End: (Intrigue) Marc knows something about what happened but isn’t saying what he knows.
Scene Arc: They start out hysterical and end up feeling better about getting their daughter back.
Essence: Marc has a way with words.
Conflict: Marc is irritated with the parents badgering and questions.
Subtext: Marc isn’t really concerned with finding the missing girl.
Hope/fear: We hope Marc will take the task seriously. We fear he won’t.
6. Ext. Claire’s House – Day
Claire loads up her gear and gets a warning from her neighbor about something evil in the woods.
Beginning: (Intrigue): Her neighbor warns her that there is something up in those woods.
Middle: (Anticipatory Dialog): He talks about mysterious disappearances over the decades.
End: (Mystery) we know that people are disappearing and how they disappear, but we don’t know who or what is behind it.
Scene Arc: She starts out resigned to go then thinks twice about whether she should go.
Essence: Claire isn’t sure she should go.
Conflict: she thinks her neighbor is crazy.
Subtext: She thinks there is something to her neighbor’s warning.
Hope/fear: we hope the warning is a joke. We fear that it isn’t.
7. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc goes over the plan with his three men.
Beginning: (Hook) Marc has different plans for the search.
Middle: (Something Unseen) There is something in the woods that is driving Marc.
End: (Creating a future) Only part of Marc’s plan is revealed.
Scene Arc: Starts with Marc alone in the tent. Ends with him discussing the plan with Scott, Adam, and Jacob.
Essence: Marc as a covert plan in place.
Conflict: Adam isn’t 100% on board with the plan.
Subtext: Marc isn’t being 100% truthful about why he wants the creature alive.
Hope/fear: We hope Adam will break with the plan. We fear he won’t.
8. Ext. Base Camp – Day
Claire arrives and finds out her niece is the missing girl.
Beginning: (Major Twist) Claire arrives to find out her niece is missing.
Middle: (Betrayal) She trusted her sister to take care of her niece and keep her safe.
End: (Anticipatory Dialog) Claire threatens her sister if anything happens to her niece.
Scene Arc: Claire starts off calm but ends up angry.
Essence: Claire finds out her niece/daughter is the missing girl.
Conflict: Claire is angry at her sister for not keeping her daughter safe.
Subtext: She’s afraid she’ll never see her daughter again.
Hope/fear: She’s wrong. Fear she’s not.
9. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc directs the search and rescue team on their mission. He gives his men an alternate mission.
Beginning: (Something Unseen) Marc knows what’s in the woods but he isn’t sharing it with the search and rescue team.
Middle: (Creating a Future) By not telling them the team doesn’t know what dangers lie in the woods.
End: (Anticipatory Dialog) He tells his men to remain vigilant and on guard at all times.
Scene Arc: Starts with Marc speaking to all of the volunteers. Ends with him reiterating the plan to his three men.
Essence: Marc is ensuring that the three men know what the desired outcome is.
Conflict:
Subtext: Marc knows exactly what is going on and what took the girl.
Hope/fear: Hope that he will tell them the truth. Fear that he won’t.
10. Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day
Claire partners up with her former best friend for the search efforts. She lies to her, but the best friend knows she’s lying.
Beginning: (Something Unseen) There’s tension between Claire and Lexi, but we don’t know why.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Claire and Lexi are put together as a team by Adam.
End: (Suspense) Will they be able to work together for the good of the mission?
Scene Arc: The scene starts with Claire and Lexi separate ends with them teaming up to search together.
Essence: Claire needs to start mending fences.
Conflict: Claire lies to Lexi and Lexi knows it.
Subtext: Claire is lying.
Hope/fear: Hope is they can work together, fear that they can’t and it will jeopardize the mission.
11. Ext. Mountain Trail – Day
Claire and Lexi look for the missing girl and talk about the past.
Beginning: (Prediction) Lexi tells Claire not to worry that they will find her niece alive.
Middle: (Dilemma) Claire can tell her what is really going on and risk Lexi’s judgment and disgust or she can lie to her and risk her finding out she lied.
End: (Dilemma) Lexi knows Claire is lying but if she calls her out Claire will shut down, but if she doesn’t the rift between them will never fully heal.
Scene Arc: Claire and Lexi start off the search in awkward silence and end the scene reminiscing on the past.
Essence: Claire is starting to work toward mending bridges.
Conflict: Claire continues to lie to Lexi.
Subtext: Lexi still doesn’t trust Claire.
Hope/fear: Hope they can become friends again, fear they won’t
12. Ext. Family Camp Site – Day
The search and rescue team reaches the site where the girl was taken. They search for clues.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Adam, Scott, and Jacob seem to be looking for clues that are different from the rest of the group.
Middle: (Mystery) They find the destroyed tent and can’t determine what could have caused that kind of damage.
End: (Anticipatory Dialog) Adam tells the volunteers that no one should go off on their own, they need to stick together.
Scene Arc: The arrive at the camp site to they discover clues about which way the creature went.
Essence: The team is making progress on finding the girl.
Conflict: No one can agree on what animal took the girl.
Subtext: Adam, Scott, and Jacob are looking for different clues than the rest of the group
Hope/fear: Hope they will find what they are looking for. Fear the won’t.
13. Ext. Forest – Day
Claire sneaks away to deal with her withdrawals by drinking from her flask.
Beginning: (Dilemma) If Claire ignores the withdrawals her secret will be out but if she gives into her addiction she’ll have to go against Adams orders and could jeopardize her nieces life.
Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Lexi catches Claire drinking from her flask.
End: (predicting the future) Lexi tells Claire that she doesn’t have try and do things by herself (setting her up later when she goes to find the creature by herself.
Scene Arc: Starts with Claire is having withdrawals. Ends with her being caught by Lexi.
Essence: to show Claire’s struggles.
Conflict: Claire is called out by Lexi.
Subtext: Claire continues to try and lie about her addiction.
Hope/fear: Hope that Claire being caught will help her change. Fear is that being caught will make things worse.
14. Ext. Forest – Day
Scott and Paul discuss the plan. Adam joins but is having second thoughts, but will stay the course because of his loyalty to Marc.
Beginning: (Surprise) Adam is beginning to have doubts about Marc’s intentions.
Middle: (Dilemma) If Adam doesn’t follow orders his secret will be exposed by Marc. If he follows Marc’s orders he’ll lose the trust of the team.
End: (Creating a future) Adam decides to continue with the plan for now, but expresses his concerns for the plan.
Scene Arc: Starts with Adam expressing his doubts. Ends with Adam falling in line with the plan.
Essence: to show Adam might not be completely loyal to Marc.
Conflict: between Adam and Scott and Paul regarding the plan to bring the creature back alive.
Subtext: Adam is empathetic with Claire and her family.
Hope/fear: Hope Adam has a change of heart. Fear that he won’t.
15. Ext. Forest – Day
Paul wanders from the path and gets taken by the creature.
Beginning: (Suspense) Paul decides to split up from his partner to follow a possible clue.
Middle: (Uncertainty) There’s a sound in the bushes. It’s just a rabbit. Paul gets turned around. He finds the path. He heads deeper into the woods. There’s more rustling. He thinks its nothing.
End: (Cliffhanger) Paul gets pulled off the path by something unseen.
Scene Arc: Paul starts the scene alive and ends the scene missing/dead.
Essence: to show the danger they are all in.
Conflict: Paul is taken by the creature.
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope that Paul survives, Fear that he won’t.
16. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc hears that Paul is missing. He tells Adam he better not fail like before.
Beginning: (Major Twist) Paul has gone missing and Adam tells Marc he is having second thoughts about what they are doing.
Middle: (Character changes dramatically): Marc loses his cool and rails against Adam.
End: (Anticipatory Dialogue) Marc threatens Adam if he fails.
Scene Arc: Starts with Marc checking in on the progress of the plan and ends with Marc in a rage and threatening Adam.
Essence: shows how callous Marc is.
Conflict: Marc is enraged and threatens Adam with spilling his secret.
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope Marc will change his mind. Fear he won’t
17. Ext. Base Camp – Day
Marc informs the parents that a volunteer has gone missing.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Marc must tell the parents that one of the volunteers has gone missing.
Middle: (Dilemma) If Marc tells the parents the truth it could jeopardize his plans, if he continues to lie to them he could end up in trouble for letting the girl die.
End: (Uncertainty) the parents hope the team will find their daughter, but fear that it will be too late.
Scene Arc: Starts out relatively calm and turns into chaos and despair.
Essence: to show that not everything is alright.
Conflict: between Marc and Maddie’s parents.
Subtext: Marc knows what happened to Paul.
Hope/fear: hope that Maddie is alive. Fear that she’s dead.
18. Ext. Camp Site – Night
They group must make camp for the night.
Beginning: (Major Twist) The group discovers they will have to camp for the night.
Middle: (Anticipatory Dialog) While setting up camp, Lexi makes a comment that she hopes they are all there in the morning.
End: (creating a future) As the group settles in the question becomes will they survive?
Scene Arc: Starts with the volunteers grumbling about having to make camp to them setting up tents and building a fire.
Essence: to isolate the group further.
Conflict: Adam having to convince the volunteers to stay.
Subtext: Adam doesn’t want to stay either but he is loyal.
Hope/fear: hope they make it through the night. Fear they won’t.
19. Ext. Forest – Night
Claire slips out of camp to drink.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Will Claire’s addiction hurt the efforts or will she be able to curb the addiction to save her niece.
Middle: (Dilemma) If Claire takes a drink it may be the reason her niece dies. If she doesn’t take a drink it may be the reason her niece dies.
End: (Character changes radically) she puts the flask away without taking a drink, choosing her niece over her comfort.
Scene Arc: Starts with Claire taking her flask out. Ends with Claire sitting on the ground crying.
Essence: showing Claire’s cracks.
Conflict: Internal conflict in Claire. Does she continue to be selfish or does she put her niece’s needs before her own.
Subtext: Claire is afraid for her niece and for her future if she continues in her current ways.
Hope/fear: we hope she will choose her niece over her own needs. We fear she won’t .
20. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Claire sits alone. Adam comes over to keep her company. They talk.
Beginning: (Suspense) While Claire is sitting alone, something big moves in the brush behind her.
Middle: (Anticipatory Dialog) Adam tells Claire that she doesn’t have to feel alone. Everyone has skeletons in their closet, but he knows she’s strong and will triumph.
End: (Creating a Future) Claire looks at Adam in a different light. Is she starting to have feelings for him?
Scene Arc: starts with Claire sitting alone. Ends with her opening up a bit with Adam.
Essence: to get Claire to lower her guard and give Adam more to think about.
Conflict: between Claire and herself.
Subtext: Claire wants to open up but is afraid.
Hope/fear:
21. Int. Tent – Night
Claire lies in her tent unable to sleep because she’s worried about her daughter.
Beginning:
Middle: (Uncertainty)
End: (surprise) She chooses again not to drink from her flask.
Scene Arc: Starts with Claire lying in her tent wide awake. Ends with her getting up and leaving the tent.
Essence: to show the extent of Claire’s fear and worry.
Conflict: an internal one with Claire.
Subtext:
Hope/fear:
22. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Adam sits alone at the fire. Claire joins him.
Beginning:
Middle: (Dilemma) Adam wants to confide in Claire, but if he does he’ll be humiliated when his secret is revealed, if he doesn’t confide in her, he may lose his chance to be with her.
End: (Cliffhanger) Gun shots ring out.
Scene Arc: Starts with Adam alone at the fire, ends with gun shots.
Essence: the quiet before the storm.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/fear: We hope Adam confesses, but we fear he won’t.
23. Ext. Forest – Night
The creature attacks. It swipes at Scott, injuring him and takes Jacob.
Beginning: (Suspense) Will Scott and Jacob come across the creature?
Middle: (Superior Position) The creature is right behind them.
End: (Cliffhanger) Will Scott survive the attack.
Scene Arc: Starts with Scott and Jacob patrolling the area and ends with Scott injured and Jacob gone.
Essence: show the power of the creature.
Conflict: between the creature and Scott and Jacob.
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope they survive, fear the won’t.
24. Ext. Camp Site – Night
There’s a scream from the forest. Everyone gathers around the fire. Scott limps out of the trees and collapses. They drag him to his tent.
Beginning: (Suspense) The group doesn’t know what is going on.
Middle: (Prediction) If the group doesn’t get off the mountain they will all die.
End: (Dilemma) If they stay they may all die. If they go, Claire’s niece will die.
Scene Arc: Starts with confusion and ends in fear.
Essence: to rally the troops.
Conflict: No one can agree what to do. Stay or go.
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope they will live, fear they won’t.
25. Int. Scott’s Tent – Night
Scott is in pain. Claire gives him a drink from her flask.
Beginning: (Dilemma) If Claire gives Scott the rest of her liquor, she could end up in worse shape than she already is with withdrawals. If she doesn’t give him the drink he could die.
Middle: (Surprise) Claire gives him the rest of her liquor.
End: (Creating a Future) Scott might make it off the mountain alive.
Scene Arc: Scott is in pain at the start, by the end he has a little relief.
Essence: to show Claire’s kindness.
Conflict: an internal conflict with Claire. She wants to do the right thing but is scared of what will happen if she does.
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope Scott lives, fear he will succumb to his wounds.
26. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Adam organizes the group to search for Jacob. They fan out and disappear into the woods.
Beginning: (Dilemma) If Adam sends the group to search for Jacob they may meet the same fate. If he doesn’t Jacob will surely die.
Middle: (Suspense) Will any of the group run into the creature and meet the same fate as Jacob.
End: (Cliffhanger) Who will come back alive.
Scene Arc: starts with Adam giving orders, ends with everyone fanning out to search for Jacob.
Essence: to get the volunteers back in the woods and Claire alone with Scott.
Conflict: An internal conflict for Adam, he feels responsible for everyone in the group.
Subtext:
Hope/fear: we hope Adam made the right decision, but fear that he didn’t.
27. Int. Scott’s Tent – Night
Claire is trying to patch up Scott as best she can. He lets slip they are to bring the creature back alive no matter the cost.
Beginning: (Surprise) The usually quiet Scott is delirious and starts babbling on about the horrible things he’s done in the past.
Middle: (Major Twist) Scott spills the beans on Marc’s plan.
End: (Betrayal) Claire storms out of the tent because of Adam’s betrayal.
Scene Arc: Starts with Claire trying to help Scott and ends with her storming out of the tent.
Essence: to reveal Marc’s plan.
Conflict: Claire trying to get Scott to tell her more about the plan.
Subtext: Claire is afraid for her daughter.
Hope/fear: Hope that Adam will take Claire’s side. Fear that he won’t.
28. Ext. Scott’s Tent – Night
Claire confronts Adam. He admits their mission to bring the creature back alive. There are more screams from the forest.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Adam is taken off guard by Claire’s anger.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Adam tells Claire he wanted to tell her and that he is no longer going along with Marc’s plan but wants to help her find her niece.
End: (cliffhanger) Have more people died? Can Claire forgive Adam in order to help the others.
Scene Arc: starts with Claire confronting Adam ends with fear for the others.
Essence: to kill off more people.
Conflict: Claire confronting Adam about Marc’s plan.
Subtext: Claire is terrified for her daughter now that there are two enemies.
Hope/fear: Hope Adam will turn his back on Marc. Fear that he won’t.
29. Ext. Camp Site – Night
The remaining volunteers come back to the camp. They want to leave. Claire must try to convince them to continue the search. Adam tells her they have to get Scott back down the mountain.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) The group wants to go down the mountain. Claire gives a good speech about why they need to stay. Many of the group still wants to go. Adam puts it to a vote. The vote to leave.
Middle: (Betrayal) Claire thinks Lexi has betrayed their tenuous friendship by voting to go back to base camp.
End: (Cliffhanger) It is uncertain what Claire will do.
Scene Arc: Starts with chaos and fear ends with frustration and anger.
Essence: to give Claire a reason to go off on her own.
Conflict: between Claire and the remaining volunteers.
Subtext: Claire is afraid.
Hope/fear: Shew will convince them to continue looking for her daughter. Fear she won’t.
30. Ext. Forest – Night
Claire slips out of the camp unnoticed.
Beginning: (Dilemma) If Claire goes with the rest her niece will die. If she chooses to go out on her own, she’ll surely die as well as her niece.
Middle: (Anticipatory Dialog) Lexi finds Claire packing her bags and Lexi tells her that she will not get the outcome she desires and will probably die in the process.
End: (Superior Position) As Adam gets everyone organized we know Claire has left.
Scene Arc: Starts with Claire silently packing while Adam tries to get everyone organized to go back down the hill and ends with Claire slipping out of camp undetected.
Essence: to force Claire into further isolation.
Conflict: Claire is in conflict with herself. She wants to remain with the group but she can’t leave her daughter to die.
Subtext:
Hope/fear: We hope Adam will stop her. But fear that he won’t.
31. Ext. Camp Site – Day
Adam is preparing the group to descend the mountain with an injured Scott. He notices Claire isn’t there. Lexi tells him Claire left the camp last night.
Beginning: (Major Twist) Adam finds out that Claire left the camp.
Middle: (dilemma) if he goes back down the mountain with the rest, he will lose Claire. If he follows Claire Marc will share his painful past.
End: (Cliffhanger) Adam doesn’t know if he will go after Claire or not.
Scene Arc: Starts with Adam starting to lead the group out of the camp to him finding out that Claire left last night.
Essence: to have Adam torn between loyalty to Scott and Marc and his feelings for Claire and wanting to help her.
Conflict: its an internal conflict in Adam.
Subtext: Adam is terrified for Claire.
Hope/fear: Hope that he will go after her. Fear he won’t.
32. Ext. Base Camp – Day
Marc sees Scott being dragged down the hill on a stretcher. He confronts the volunteers.
Beginning: (Betrayal) Marc notices that Adam is not with the rest of the group.
Middle: (Creating a Future) Marc rails against Scott and tells him he should know better than to rely on others to do his job.
End: (Dilemma) Does Marc stay at the camp and lose out on capturing the creature or does he go after the creature and risk his life.
Scene Arc: Starts with Marc feeling confident about his plan to being enraged that it has been derailed by the creature.
Essence: to show the depth of Marc’s obsession.
Conflict: between Marc and the volunteers.
Subtext: He will not be defeated by the creature again.
Hope/fear: Hope he gives up his obsession. Fear he won’t.
33. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc gathers his weapons.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
Scene Arc: He storms into the tent and leaves loaded with weapons.
Essence: Marc means business.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/fear: We hope Marc won’t find Claire, but fear he will.
34. Ext. Base Camp – Day
The girl’s parents demand answers from Marc. He is cruel in his answers.
Beginning: (Anticipatory Dialog)
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Marc is enraged and takes it out on the parents.
End: (Prediction) Marc tells everyone that he will hunt the creature that killed his brother until the day he dies.
Scene Arc: The girl’s parents approach Marc hopeful and end devastated.
Essence: to show Marc’s cruelty and callousness.
Conflict: between Marc and the girl’s parents.
Subtext: Marc only cares about his revenge on the creature.
Hope/fear: Hope Marc will be kind. Fear he won’t.
35. Ext. Camp Site – Day
Adam takes inventory and goes after Claire.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
Scene Arc: starts with Adam packing his gear and ends with him disappearing into the woods.
Essence: to show Adam is going to go after Claire.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope he finds her in time. Fear he won’t.
36. Ext. Forest – Day
Claire finds a cave. She watches for any movement.
Beginning: (Suspense) did she just find the creatures cave?
Middle: (Uncertainty) Is the creature in the cave? Will she find her daughter alive? Will she survive?
End: (Dilemma) Does she go in and risk her life or does she go back for help and risk her daughter’s life.
Scene Arc: starts with her stumbling into a small clearing, ends with her watching the cave from cover.
Essence: to show Claire reaching her destination.
Conflict: Claire is second guessing her choice to come alone.
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope she’s successful in finding her daughter. Fear she will find her daughter dead.
37. Ext. Forest – Day
Adam is tracking Claire. Something snatches him.
Beginning: (Suspense) Something is tracking Adam as he tracks Claire.
Middle: (Major Twist) Adam is attacked by the creature.
End: (Cliffhanger) Is Adam dead?
Scene Arc: Starts with Adam trekking through the woods looking at clues, ends with him being knocked unconscious and dragged away.
Essence: Not even an experienced former Navy seal is safe from the creature.
Conflict: between Adam and the creature.
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope he’s okay. Fear he’s not.
38. Int. Cave – Day
Clare enters the cave and sees her daughter. She rushes over to see if she’s still alive. She is but barely. The creature returns, Claire hides. Adam is tossed into the corner.
Beginning: (Suspense) Is Claire’s daughter alive?
Middle: (Predictions) Claire tells her daughter she is going to get her out of there.
End: (Cliffhanger) Will the creature find Claire?
Scene Arc: Starts with Claire feeling relief at finding her daughter and ends with her terrified because the creature is back.
Essence: to show that there is still a lot that she has to overcome to get her daughter out.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope Claire manages to evade detection. Fear that the creature will find her.
39. Ext. Camp Site – Day
Marc looks for clues as to which way Claire went.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
Scene Arc: Marc looking for clues, ends with him disappearing into the woods hot on Claire’s trail.
Essence: to show Marc is on the trail.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope that he doesn’t find her. Fear that he will.
40. Int. Cave – Day
Claire watches the creature. It leaves the cave.
Beginning: (Major Twist) Adam has been brought to the cave by the creature.
Middle: (Suspense) Will the creature discover Claire.
End: (Uncertainty) Adam can help her escape with her daughter, but Adam is unconscious. The creature left the cave, but could come back at any time.
Scene Arc: starts with the creature walking around the cave, ends with it leaving.
Essence: to give Claire an opening.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope that she stays hidden. Fear that the creature will find her.
41. Ext. Cave – Day
Marc finds the cave. He watches the creature leave the cave.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
Scene Arc: Starts with Marc coming up to the cave, ends with him hiding as the creature leaves.
Essence: shows Marc has been successful in his pursuit.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope that the creature finds Marc, fear that Marc will go undetected.
42. Int. Cave – Day
Claire runs over and checks on Adam. He’s alive.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
Scene Arc: Starts with the creature leaving, ends with Claire being relieved that Adam is still alive.
Essence: All hope is not lost.
Conflict: Does Claire leave Adam and leave with her daughter or does she stay and help Adam out as well.
Subtext: She really wants to leave Adam.
Hope/fear: Hope that she can get them out. Fear the creature will return before they can leave.
43. Ext. Cave – Day
Marc approaches the cave.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
Scene Arc: Marc comes out of hiding to him entering the cave.
Essence: Marc has found the creatures habitat and Claire as well.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/fear:
44. Int. Cave – Day
Claire hears Marc enter. She turns to find him pointing a gun at her. She tries to reason with him. Adam leaps up and knocks into Marc. The gun goes off and falls to the floor. Adam collapses. Claire picks up the gun. Marc rushes her. She shoots him. He falls to the ground dead.
Beginning: (Dilemma) If Claire leaves with her daughter, Adam will die. If Claire stays they will all die.
Middle: (Suspense) Marc points his gun at Claire and is willing to kill her, her daughter, and Adam to get to the creature.
End: (Major Twist) Claire kills Marc.
Scene Arc: Claire is tending to Adam and her daughter, to Marc ending up dead.
Essence: to put Claire up against Marc.
Conflict: Marc isn’t willing to let Claire walk out of the cave. He wants to use her as bait.
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope Claire will prevail. Fear she won’t.
45. Ext. Cave – Day
Claire steps outside and runs into the creature.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
Scene Arc: Claire exiting the cave for a breath to her coming face to face with the creature.
Essence: to put Claire in the creatures path.
Conflict: Claire must escape the creature.
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope she escapes. Fear she won’t.
46. Ext. Cliff Face – Day
Claire scrambles up the cliff face to try and get away from the creature. It chases her.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
Scene Arc: starts with Claire scrambling up the cliff with the creature behind her and ends with her reaching the top.
Essence: the final chase scene that pushes Claire to her brink.
Conflict: the creature is chasing Claire
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope she will make it to the top. Fear she won’t.
47. Ext. Cliff Top – Day
Claire reaches the top. The creature advances. She steps out of the way at the last moment. The creature falls over the cliff.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
Scene Arc: starts with the creature bearing down on her and ends with the creature dead at the bottom of the cliff.
Essence: Claire is triumphant.
Conflict: Her finally face off with the creature.
Subtext:
Hope/fear: Hope she wins. Fear she won’t.
48. Int. Cave – Day
Claire runs into the cave and finds Adam holding her daughter in his lap. She helps Adam with his wounds. The three leave.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
Scene Arc: Starts with Claire desperate to see her daughter, ends with the three leaving the cave alive.
Essence: Claire is stronger than anyone gave her credit for.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/fear:
49. Ext. Base Camp – Night
The three emerge from the woods. The girl is reunited with her parents. Claire reconnects with her sister.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
Scene Arc:
Essence:
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/fear:
50. Int. Claire’s House – Night
Claire, Adam, her sister, brother-in-law, and niece gather around a table. There’s a breaking news story about Bigfoot being real.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
Scene Arc:
Essence:
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/fear:
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Renee’s Scene Requirements
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is the importance of making sure that you have enough intriguing moments in each act to keep the audience engaged with the story.
1. Ext. Forest – Night
A father checks on his kids in their tent.
Scene Arc: Goes from checking on his kids to returning to his tent.
Essence: The dad is checking on his kids.
Conflict: Will the kids stay asleep, or will he wake them up?
Subtext: The dad doesn’t know the danger that is coming.
Hope/fear: We hope they stay asleep. We’re afraid they will wake up.
2. Int. Club – Night
Claire parties in the club.
Scene Arc: She dances in the middle of the floor to her doing lines in the bathroom.
Essence: show Claire as a party girl.
Conflict: she’s breaking the law.
Subtext: she’s hiding a deep wound.
Hope/fear: We hope she’ll be alright. We fear she will get hurt.
3. Ext. Forest – Night
Something rips through the tent, and gnarled, clawed hands snatch her from the tent.
Scene Arc: From family sleeping peacefully to terror.
Essence: There’s something in the woods.
Conflict: A girl has been taken.
Hope/fear: We hope she’s alright. We fear she will be killed.
4. Int. Claire’s House – Day
Claire gets a call about the missing girl.
Scene Arc: starts with Claire in bed with a hangover and ends with her being reminded she has community service commitments.
Essence: to show Claire’s ability to lie easily.
Conflict: if she doesn’t go, she’ll end up in jail.
5. Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc speaks with the missing girl’s parents about the mission.
Scene Arc: They start out hysterical, and the scene ends with them being hopeful they will get their daughter back.
Essence: Marc has a way with words.
Conflict: Marc is irritated with the parents badgering and asking him questions.
Subtext: Marc isn’t really concerned with finding the missing girl.
Hope/fear: We hope Marc will take the task seriously. We fear he won’t.
6. Ext. Claire’s House – Day
Claire loads up her gear and gets a warning from her neighbor about something evil in the woods.
Scene Arc: She starts out resigned to go, then brushes off her neighbor’s concerns.
Essence: Claire isn’t sure she should go.
Conflict: she thinks her neighbor is crazy.
Subtext: She thinks there is something to her neighbor’s warning.
Hope/fear: we hope the warning is a joke. We fear that it isn’t.
7. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc goes over the plan with his three men.
Scene Arc: Starts with Marc alone in the tent. Ends with him discussing the plan with Scott, Adam, and Jacob.
Essence: Marc has a covert plan in place.
Conflict: Adam isn’t 100% on board with the plan.
Subtext: Marc isn’t being 100% truthful about why he wants the creature alive.
Hope/fear: We hope Adam will break with the plan. We fear he won’t.
8. Ext. Base Camp – Day
Claire arrives and finds out her niece is the missing girl.
Scene Arc: Claire starts off calm but ends up angry.
Essence: Claire finds out her niece/daughter is the missing girl.
Conflict: Claire is angry at her sister for not keeping her daughter safe.
Subtext: She’s afraid she’ll never see her daughter again.
Hope/fear: She’s wrong. A fear she’s not.
9. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc directs the search and rescue team on their mission. He gives his men an alternate mission.
Scene Arc: Starts with Marc speaking to all of the volunteers. Ends with him reiterating the plan to his three men.
Essence: Marc ensures that the three men know the desired outcome.
10. Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day
Claire partners up with her former best friend for the search efforts. She lies to her, but the best friend knows she’s lying.
Scene Arc: The scene starts with Claire and Lexi separate and ends with them working together.
Essence: Claire needs to start mending fences.
Conflict: Claire lies to Lexi, and Lexi knows it.
Subtext: Claire is lying.
Hope/fear: Hope is they can work together; fear that they can’t and it will jeopardize the mission.
11. Ext. Mountain Trail – Day
Claire and Lexi look for the missing girl and talk about the past.
Scene Arc: Claire and Lexi start off the search in awkward silence and end the scene reminiscing on the past.
Essence: Claire is starting to work toward mending bridges.
Conflict: Claire continues to lie to Lexi.
Subtext: Lexi still doesn’t trust Claire.
Hope/fear: Hope they can become friends again, fear they won’t
12. Ext. Family Camp Site – Day
The search and rescue team reaches the site where the girl was taken. They search for clues.
Scene Arc: They arrive at the campsite to discover clues about where the creature went.
Essence: The team is making progress on finding the girl.
Conflict: No one can agree on what animal took the girl.
Subtext: Adam, Scott, and Jacob are looking for different clues than the rest of the group
Hope/fear: Hope they will find what they are looking for. Fear the won’t.
13. Ext. Forest – Day
Claire sneaks away to deal with her withdrawals by drinking from her flask.
Scene Arc: This starts with Claire having withdrawals. Ends with her being caught by Lexi.
Essence: to show Claire’s struggles.
Conflict: Claire is called out by Lexi.
Subtext: Claire continues to try and lie about her addiction.
Hope/fear: Hope that Claire being caught will help her change. Fear is that being caught will make things worse.
14. Ext. Forest – Day
Scott and Paul discuss the plan. Adam joins but has second thoughts, but will stay the course because of his loyalty to Marc.
Scene Arc: Starts with Adam expressing his doubts. Ends with Adam falling in line with the plan.
Essence: to show Adam might not be completely loyal to Marc.
Conflict: between Adam and Scott, and Paul regarding the plan to bring the creature back alive.
Subtext: Adam is empathetic with Claire and her family.
Hope/fear: Hope Adam has a change of heart. Fear that he won’t.
15. Ext. Forest – Day
Paul wanders from the path and gets taken by the creature.
Scene Arc: Paul starts the scene alive and ends the scene missing/dead.
Essence: to show the danger they are all in.
Conflict: Paul is taken by the creature.
Hope/fear: Hope that Paul survives, Fear that he won’t.
16. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc hears that Paul is missing. He tells Adam he better not fail like before.
Scene Arc: Starts with Marc checking in on the plan’s progress and ends with Marc in a rage and threatening Adam.
Essence: shows how callous Marc is.
Conflict: Marc is enraged and threatens Adam with spilling his secret.
17. Ext. Base Camp – Day
Marc informs the parents that a volunteer has gone missing.
Scene Arc: Starts out relatively calm and turns into chaos and despair.
Essence: to show that not everything is alright.
Conflict: between Marc and Maddie’s parents.
Subtext: Marc knows what happened to Paul.
Hope/fear: hope that Maddie is alive. Fear that she’s dead.
18. Ext. Camp Site – Night
The group must make camp for the night.
Scene Arc: Starts with the volunteers grumbling about having to make camp to them setting up tents and building a fire.
Essence: to isolate the group further.
Conflict: Adam has to convince the volunteers to stay.
Subtext: Adam doesn’t want to stay either, but he is loyal.
Hope/fear: hope they make it through the night. Fear they won’t.
19. Ext. Forest – Night
Claire slips out of the camp to drink.
Scene Arc: Starts with Claire drinking from her flask. Ends with Claire sitting on the ground crying.
Essence: showing Claire’s cracks.
20. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Claire sits alone. Adam comes over to keep her company. They talk.
Scene Arc: starts with Claire sitting alone. Ends with her opening up a bit with Adam.
Essence: to get Claire to lower her guard and give Adam more to think about.
Conflict: between Claire and herself.
Subtext: Claire wants to open up but is afraid.
21. Int. Tent – Night
Claire lies in her tent, unable to sleep because she’s worried about her daughter.
Essence: Claire’s worry for her daughter.
Hope/fear: she’ll find her daughter. Fear she won’t.
22. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Adam sits alone at the fire. Claire joins him.
Scene Arc: Starts with Adam alone at the fire, and ends with gunshots.
Essence: the quiet before the storm.
Hope/fear: the volunteers are alright. Fear they aren’t.
23. Ext. Forest – Night
The creature attacks. It swipes at Scott, injuring him, and takes Jacob.
Scene Arc: Starts with Scott and Jacob patrolling the area and ends with Scott injured and Jacob missing.
Essence: show the power of the creature.
Conflict: between the creature and Scott and Jacob.
Hope/fear: Hope they survive, fear they won’t.
24. Ext. Camp Site – Night
There’s a scream from the forest. Everyone gathers around the fire. Scott limps out of the trees and collapses. They drag him to his tent.
Scene Arc: Starts with confusion and ends in fear.
Essence: to rally the troops.
Conflict: No one can agree on what to do. Stay or go.
Hope/fear: Hope they will live, fear they won’t.
25. Int. Scott’s Tent – Night
Scott is in pain. Claire gives him a drink from her flask.
Scene Arc: Scott is in pain at the start, but by the end, he has a little relief.
Essence: to show Claire’s kindness.
Hope/fear: Hope Scott lives, fear he will succumb to his wounds.
26. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Adam organizes the group to search for Jacob. They fan out and disappear into the woods.
Scene Arc: starts with Adam giving orders and ends with everyone fanning out to search for Jacob.
Essence: to get the volunteers back in the woods and Claire alone with Scott.
Hope/fear: Hope they’ll find him. Fear he’s dead.
27. Int. Scott’s Tent – Night
Claire is trying to patch up Scott as best she can. He lets slip they are to bring the creature back alive no matter the cost.
Scene Arc: Starts with Claire trying to help Scott and ends with her storming out of the tent.
Essence: to reveal Marc’s plan.
Conflict: Claire trying to get Scott to tell her more about the plan.
Subtext: Claire is afraid for her daughter.
Hope/fear: Hope that Adam will take Claire’s side. Fear that he won’t.
28. Ext. Scott’s Tent – Night
Claire confronts Adam. He admits their mission is to bring the creature back alive. There are more screams from the forest.
Scene Arc: starts with Claire confronting Adam and ends with fear for the others.
Essence: to kill off more people.
Conflict: Claire confronts Adam about Marc’s plan.
Subtext: Claire is terrified for her daughter now that there are two enemies.
Hope/fear: Hope that Adam will turn his back on Marc. Fear that he won’t.
29. Ext. Camp Site – Night
The remaining volunteers come back to the camp. They want to leave. Claire must try to convince them to continue the search. Adam tells her they have to get Scott back down the mountain.
Scene Arc: Starts with chaos and fear and ends with frustration and anger.
Essence: to give Claire a reason to go off on her own.
Conflict: between Claire and the remaining volunteers.
Subtext: Claire is afraid.
Hope/fear: Shew will convince them to continue looking for her daughter. Fear she won’t.
30. Ext. Forest – Night
Claire slips out of the camp unnoticed.
Scene Arc: Starts with Claire silently packing while Adam tries to get everyone organized to go back down the hill and ends with Claire slipping out of camp undetected.
Essence: to force Claire into further isolation.
Conflict: Claire is in conflict with herself. She wants to remain with the group, but she can’t leave her daughter to die.
Hope/fear: We hope Adam will stop her. But fear that he won’t.
31. Ext. Camp Site – Day
Adam is preparing the group to descend the mountain with an injured Scott. He notices Claire isn’t there. Lexi saw her leave last night.
Scene Arc: Starts with Adam leading the group out of the camp to him finding out that Claire left last night.
Essence: to have Adam torn between loyalty to Scott and Marc and his feelings for Claire and wanting to help her.
Conflict: it’s an internal conflict in Adam.
Subtext: Adam is terrified for Claire.
Hope/fear: Hope that he will go after her. Fear he won’t.
32. Ext. Base Camp – Day
Marc sees Scott being dragged down the hill on a stretcher. He confronts the volunteers.
Scene Arc: Starts with Marc feeling confident about his plan to being enraged that it has been derailed by the creature.
Essence: to show the depth of Marc’s obsession.
Conflict: between Marc and the volunteers.
Subtext: He will not be defeated by the creature again.
Hope/fear: Hope he gives up his obsession. Fear he won’t.
33. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc gathers his weapons.
Scene Arc: He storms into the tent and leaves loaded with weapons.
Essence: Marc means business.
Hope/fear: Hope he won’t find Claire. Fear he will.
34. Ext. Base Camp – Day
The girl’s parents demand answers from Marc. He is cruel in his answers.
Scene Arc: The girl’s parents approach Marc hopeful and end devastated.
Essence: to show Marc’s cruelty and callousness.
Conflict: between Marc and the girl’s parents.
35. Ext. Camp Site – Day
Adam takes inventory and goes after Claire.
Scene Arc: starts with Adam packing his gear and ends with him disappearing into the woods.
Essence: to show Adam is going to go after Claire.
Hope/fear: Hope he finds her in time. Fear he won’t.
36. Ext. Forest – Day
Claire finds a cave. She watches for any movement.
Scene Arc: starts with her stumbling into a small clearing and ends with her watching the cave from the cover.
Essence: to show Claire reaching her destination.
Conflict: Claire is second-guessing her choice to come alone.
Hope/fear: Hope she’s successful in finding her daughter. Fear she will find her daughter dead.
37. Ext. Forest – Day
Adam is tracking Claire. Something snatches him.
Scene Arc: Starts with Adam trekking through the woods looking at clues, and ends with him being knocked unconscious and dragged away.
Essence: Not even an experienced former Navy seal is safe from the creature.
Conflict: between Adam and the creature.
Hope/fear: Hope he’s okay. Fear he’s not.
38. Int. Cave – Day
Clare enters the cave and sees her daughter. She rushes over to see if she’s still alive. She is but barely. The creature returns, and Claire hides. Adam is tossed into the corner.
Scene Arc: Starts with Claire feeling relief at finding her daughter and ends with her being terrified because the creature is back.
Essence: to show that there is still a lot that she has to overcome to get her daughter out.
Hope/fear: Hope Claire manages to evade detection. Fear that the creature will find her.
39. Ext. Camp Site – Day
Marc looks for clues as to which way Claire went.
Scene Arc: Marc looking for clues, ends with him disappearing into the woods hot on Claire’s trail.
Essence: to show Marc is on the trail.
Hope/fear: Hope that he doesn’t find her. Fear that he will.
40. Int. Cave – Day
Claire watches the creature. It leaves the cave.
Scene Arc: starts with the creature walking around the cave and ends with it leaving.
Essence: to give Claire an opening.
Hope/fear: Hope that she stays hidden. Fear that the creature will find her.
41. Ext. Cave – Day
Marc finds the cave. He watches the creature leave the cave.
Scene Arc: Starts with Marc coming up to the cave and ends with him hiding as the creature leaves.
Essence: shows Marc has been successful in his pursuit.
Hope/fear: Hope that the creature finds Marc, fear that Marc will go undetected.
42. Int. Cave – Day
Claire runs over and checks on Adam. He’s alive.
Scene Arc: Starts with the creature leaving and ends with Claire being relieved that Adam is still alive.
Essence: All hope is not lost.
Conflict: Does Claire leave Adam and leave with her daughter, or does she stay and help Adam out as well?
Subtext: She really wants to leave Adam.
Hope/fear: Hope that she can get them out. Fear the creature will return before they can leave.
43. Ext. Cave – Day
Marc approaches the cave.
Scene Arc: Marc comes out of hiding to him entering the cave.
Essence: Marc has found the creature’s habitat, and Claire as well.
44. Int. Cave – Day
Claire hears Marc enter. She turns to find him pointing a gun at her. She tries to reason with him. Adam leaps up and knocks into Marc. The gun goes off and falls to the floor. Adam collapses. Claire picks up the gun. Marc rushes her. She shoots him. He falls to the ground dead.
Scene Arc: Claire is tending to Adam and her daughter to Marc’s death.
Essence: to put Claire up against Marc.
Conflict: Marc isn’t willing to let Claire walk out of the cave. He wants to use her as bait.
Hope/fear: Hope Claire will prevail. Fear she won’t.
45. Ext. Cave – Day
Claire steps outside and runs into the creature.
Scene Arc: Claire exits the cave for a breath to her, coming face to face with the creature.
Essence: to put Claire in the creature’s path.
Conflict: Claire must escape the creature.
Hope/fear: Hope she escapes. Fear she won’t.
46. Ext. Cliff Face – Day
Claire scrambles up the cliff face to try and get away from the creature. It chases her.
Scene Arc: starts with Claire scrambling up the cliff with the creature behind her and ends with her reaching the top.
Essence: the final chase scene that pushes Claire to her brink.
Conflict: the creature is chasing Claire
Hope/fear: Hope she will make it to the top. Fear she won’t.
47. Ext. Cliff Top – Day
Claire reaches the top. The creature advances. She steps out of the way at the last moment. The creature falls over the cliff.
Scene Arc: starts with the creature bearing down on her and ends with the creature dead at the bottom of the cliff.
Essence: Claire is triumphant.
Conflict: She finally faces off with the creature.
Hope/fear: Hope she wins. Fear she won’t.
48. Int. Cave – Day
Claire runs into the cave and finds Adam holding her daughter in his lap. She helps Adam with his wounds. The three leave.
Scene Arc: Starts with Claire desperate to see her daughter and ends with the three leaving the cave alive.
Essence: Claire is stronger than anyone gave her credit for.
49. Ext. Base Camp – Night
The three emerge from the woods. The girl is reunited with her parents. Claire reconnects with her sister.
50. Int. Claire’s House – Night
Claire, Adam, her sister, brother-in-law, and niece gather around a table. There’s a breaking news story about Bigfoot being real.
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Renee’s Intriguing Moments
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is the importance of making sure that you have enough intriguing moments in each act to keep the audience engaged with the story.
ACT 1:
Mystery: What could have taken the girl
Secret: Marc knows it’s Bigfoot.
Intrigue: What is Marc up to? Why does he want the creature brought back alive.
Intrigue: What happened between Claire and her sister.
Cover up: Claire doesn’t want her sister to know she is there because of community service.
Covert Agenda: Marc wants the creature brought back alive.
Mystery: Why did Lexi and Claire have a falling out?
Secret: Claire is an alcoholic
Conspiracy: three members of the search team are working with Marc to bring the creature back alive.
ACT 2:
Scheme: Adam is working with Marc.
Secret: Claire doesn’t want anyone to know her struggles.
Secret: Adam doesn’t tell Claire about his agenda to bring the creature back alive.
Hidden Identity: Adam doesn’t want anyone to know about his past.
Mystery: What is taking and killing the volunteers.
ACT 3:
Intrigue: Why is Claire so determined to find her niece/daughter.
Superior Position: We know Claire left camp to find the creature on her own.
Secret: Marc doesn’t care about anything but getting revenge on the creature.
Secret: The missing girl is really Claire’s daughter.
ACT 4:
Secret: Adam has changed his allegiance and is working against Marc.
Hidden Identity: Claire is much stronger than she thought, both physically and mentally.
Mystery: Will Claire and her sister reconcile and will she get her daughter back?
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Renee’s Emotional Moments
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is how to think in terms of emotional moments rather than just scenes. Writing a horror/thriller, I already have a lot of emotional scenes throughout the story, but it helped to think of more positive emotions that I could add, especially in the first half of the script.
ACT 1:
Surprise/Wound: she finds her sister at the search and rescue base camp.
Distress: she finds out her niece/daughter is the missing girl.
Bonding: she is reunited with her former best friend and starts the process of healing their broken relationship.
Hidden Weakness: She cannot go even for a few hours without a drink.
ACT 2:
Distress: one of the volunteers has gone missing.
Bonding: Claire starts opening up to Adam about some of her past mistakes.
Betrayal: Claire finds out that Adam intends to sacrifice her niece/daughter to bring the creature back alive.
ACT 3:
Courage: Claire goes after her niece/daughter by herself.
Excitement: when she reaches the cave.
Love/Wound: when she sees her daughter in the creature’s cave.
Surprise: when Mark shows up and threatens to kill her and her daughter.
ACT 4:
Emotional Dilemma: save her daughter or save herself
Distress: the creature shows up, and Claire must lead it away from her daughter and Adam.
Success/Winning: she defeats both Marc and the creature
Wound/Sacrifice: she lets her daughter return to her sister because she knows she has a lot of work to do before they can trust her again.
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Renee’s Reveals
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is how to look at the reveals and work backwards to properly set them up to keep the audience engaged.
Act 1: A girl goes missing in the woods.
1. Ext. Forest – Night
Opening: a father checks on his kids in their tent.
2. Int. Club – Night
Claire partying, taking shots, doing lines.
Setup 1 – Claire’s phone blows up with calls and texts from her sister.
3. Ext. Forest – Night
A creature rips through the tent and snatches the young girl.
4. Int. Claire’s Home – Day
PJ 1 – Hungover, Claire gets a call about a missing girl. She lies about being sick and unable to go. Her patrol officer reminds her that she doesn’t have a choice.
5. Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 1 – Marc talks with the parents of the missing girl. He tells them that the mission is most likely going to be a locate and recover rather than a search and rescue, but that he will do everything he can to try and bring their daughter back alive.
6. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 2 – Marc pulls his three men into the tent to go over his plans to capture the creature alive.
Setup 5.a – Marc has a detailed plan to bring the creature back alive at all costs.
7. Ext. Claire’s House – Day
She packs her Bronco with her search and rescue gear. An old neighbor warns her there is something in the woods. She has second thoughts about going up, but her neighbor gives her an old hunting knife of his.
Setup 2.a – The old neighbor knows that there is something otherworldly in the woods.
8. Ext. Base Camp – Day
Inciting Incident: Claire sees her sister and brother-in-law. She finds out the missing girl is her niece. She doesn’t tell her sister the real reason she is up there (community service). Her brother-in-law calls her out for smelling like booze and asks her where the flask is.
Payoff 1 – Claire gets to the site and sees her sister and realizes the missing girl is her niece.
PJ 2 – She yells at her sister about putting her niece in danger.
Surface Layer: Claire must find her missing niece before it’s too late.
Deeper Layer – the missing girl is actually her daughter.
9. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 2 – Marc directs the search and rescue team of the mission. The volunteers leave the tent. He pulls his men aside again and reiterates the importance of bringing the creature back alive and goes over the plan again.
Setup 2.b/3.a – Marc is insistent that they bring the creature back alive.
Setup 5.b – Marc is relentless about the mission.
Deeper Layer: he wants revenge on the creature that killed his brother.
10. Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day
PJ 3 – Claire steps out of the tent and sees her former best friend, Lexi. She tentatively approaches her. She lies to Lexi about why she hasn’t been in contact with her for years. Lexi knows she’s lying but is willing to forgive Claire.
11. Ext. Mountain Trail – Day
The search and rescue team spreads out in pairs. They call out to Maddie as the walk up the trail toward the family’s campsite. Lexi and Claire talk about the past. The find the first traces of the creature. They think it is a grizzly bear.
Setup 4.a – Claire opens up about her past and why she started drinking.
12. Ext. Family Camp Site – Day
The team reaches the camp site. The tent Maddie was in has large claw marks down the side. Claire approaches Adam and asks him if he thinks her daughter is alive. He tells her there is always hope. They discover which way the creature went.
Setup 2.c – the tracks are huge! There’s no way it can be a grizzly bear.
13. Ext. Forest – Day
Claire is starting to have withdraws. She separates from Lexi and pulls out her flask. She takes a long drink. Adam comes up on her and warns her to stay with her partner.
14. Ext. Forest – Day
Scott and Paul are going over the plan. Adam is starting to have his doubts about what they are going, but stays the course because he is loyal to Marc.
Setup 3.b – Scott, Paul, and Adam seem to be working on a different agenda.
15. Ext. Forest – Day
Turning Point 1: Paul wanders from the path and is taken by the creature. The rest of the team search the area for him.
PJ 4 – Claire is scared and wants to go back, she doesn’t think she can handle it if she finds her daughters mangled corpse.
Act 2: More volunteers get taken by the creature while they are searching for the girl.
16. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 3 – Marc hears from Scott that Paul has gone missing. He goes on a tirade, destroying everything in the tent. He pulls out the map and radios Adam, telling him he better not fail the mission, like he did in Iraq. He tells him that they are not to come back down until they have found the creature.
17. Ext. Base Camp – Day
AJ 4 – Marc approaches Maddie’s parents and tells them that one of the volunteers has gone missing, but assures them that the rest of the group will continue to search for their daughter and won’t come back until they find her.
Deeper Layer: he will bring the creature back alive even if it means the girl must die.
18. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Adam informs the rest of the group that they will need to make camp for the night. There are lots of protests, but eventually they make camp.
19. Ext. Forest – Night
Claire slips out of the camp site to drink. Lexi finds her and brings her back to the camp.
20. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Claire sits alone, away from the fire and the rest of the group. Adam comes over and sits down with her. The sit in silence for a while, then Adam starts asking her questions. She starts to give him some truths and some lies.
PJ 6 – Claire opens up about her past and giving up a daughter for adoption.
Setup 4.b – she reveals she gave up her daughter.
21. Int. Tent – Night
Claire lies down and tries to go to sleep, but she tosses and turns because she is worried about her daughter and racked with guilt.
22. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Adam sits next to the fire, keeping an eye on things. Scott and another volunteer patrol the surrounding area. One of them screams. Adam is on high alert. Claire and the rest of the group emerge from their tents. Scott stumbles into the campsite, bloodied, babbling on about a creature taking Jacob. Adam directs the rescuers to pair up and search the perimeter of the camp site to find Jacob.
23. Ext. Forest – Night
Two team members are calling out for Jacob. The come across is mangled body. They turn back toward the camp site. The creature grabs one and drags him screaming in to the woods.
24. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Scott is in horrific pain. Claire comes over and gives her flask to him. He takes a long drink and hands it back. There are more screams in the woods. Only one of the volunteers returns to the camp.
25. Ext. Camp Site – Night
The team wants to go back down the mountain. Claire is torn between staying and going. She convinces them that the best way to get out alive is to continue forward together.
PJ 5 – After more rescuers go missing, Claire must convince the remaining to continue on.
Setup 4.c – she gets the rest of the group to stay bringing up what would they do if it was their kid.
26. Int. Tent – Night
Claire is patching Scott up. He is delirious. He lets slip that they are bringing the creature back alive. This doesn’t sit well with Claire.
PJ 7 – When one of the antagonists men gets seriously injured, she still helps him.
Reveal 2 – it’s not a grizzly bear.
Reveal 3 – Marc wants the creature taken alive
27. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Claire confronts Adam. He admits that was the plan when they started out, but now he wants to help her find her daughter.
Turning Point 2: It’s revealed that they are to take the creature alive, even if it means letting the missing girl die.
Act 3: Claire goes on by herself.
28. Ext. Camp Site – Day
While Adam is attending Scott and developing a plan to get him down the hill, Claire packs up her stuff and sneaks out of camp, telling Lexi she has to go.
PJ 8 – Claire doesn’t trust Adam has her best interests at heart and decides to go out on her own.
Setup 4.d – Claire pleads with Lexi to let her go and not say anything.
29. Ext. Camp Site – Later
Adam is getting things packed. Scott is lying on a stretcher. Adam asks if anyone has seen Claire. No one has. He tells Lexi and the other two remaining volunteers to get Scott down the mountain. He’s going after Claire.
30. Ext. Base Camp – Day
Marc sees volunteers dragging Scott down the hill on a stretcher. The parents are hysterical. Marc becomes angry and orders them to take Scott into the tent rather then calling in the medics.
AJ 5 – When the injured man makes it back to camp with Lexi, he decides he will have to capture the creature on his own.31. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc berates Scott and demands he tell him where they were headed. He tries to make contact with Adam. When he can’t reach him he makes plans to go back up the mountain himself.
Setup 5.c – Marc will go after the creature himself.
32. Ext. Base Camp – Day
The girls parents approach him demanding answers. He tells them their daughter is probably dead, making it easier to bring the creature back alive.
33. Ext. Camp Site – Day
Adam takes inventory and heads into the forest after Claire.
34. Ext. Forest – Day
Claire stumbles into an opening. She spots a cave. She scopes it out for any movement.
35. Ext. Camp Site – Day
Marc reaches the campsite and figures out which way Claire went. He disappears into the trees.
36. Int. Cave – Day
Claire cautiously enters the cave and looks around. She sees a mass huddled in the corner. It’s her daughter. A large shadow covers the cave entrance. Claire hides. The creature comes in, dragging Adam behind him. It tosses him into the corner with her daughter.
Turning Point 3: Claire finds her daughter, hurt and scared in the creature’s cave. Before she can rescue her Mark shows up.
37. Int. Cave – Day
Claire watches as the creature leaves the cave.
38. Ext. Cave – Day
Marc has found the cave. He watches as the creature leaves the cave. He creeps up to the cave entrance.
39. Int. Cave – Day
She runs to her daughter to see if she’s alive. She stirs. Claire checks on Adam. He’s also alive but bleeding badly.
40. Ext. Cave – Day
Marc enters the cave.
41. Int. Cave – Day
Claire is kneeling next to her daughter, trying to wake her up. She hears Marc. She turns. He is pointing a gun at her. She looks around for a weapon of some kind.
PJ 9 – Claire stands in the way of Mark getting to the creature.
AJ 6 – he threatens to kill them both.
Major Reveal 4: Claire reveals the girl is her daughter.
Major Reveal 5: Mark reveals the creature killed his brother.
Act 4: Claire must kill the creature and Mark to save her daughter.
42. Int. Cave – Day
PJ 10 – Claire sees a way out, but can’t do anything when Marc has a gun on her. She gets him talking to try and distract him. Marc doesn’t notice Adam is awake, but Claire does. Adam gets up and lunges at Marc, who swings the gun toward Adam and fires. Adam falls to the ground, knocking Marc down with him. The gun flies out of his hands. Claire picks it up and points it at Marc. Marc gets up and rushes at Claire. She fires the gun, hitting him in the chest. He falls to the ground and dies. Claire drops the gun and runs to Adam. He is hit, but will survive. Claire is going to go outside to find something for Adam to use. She takes the gun with her.
Climax: Claire fights Mark and kills him.
43. Ext. Cave – Day
Claire steps outside and sighs in relief. A large shadow falls across her. The creature has returned. Claire must now fight the creature. She tries to aim the gun but it knocks her down, the gun flies. She scrambles back. She hits the side of the mountain and climbs up. The creature follows her.
44. Ext. Hill – Day
Claire scrambles up the hill. The creature close on her heels. She reaches the top.
45. Ext. Cliff – Day
Claire scrambles onto the cliff top and finds a large branch. She picks it up and moves to the edge of the cliff. The creature lumbers onto the cliff and advances. Claire swings the branch and connects. Making the creature mad. It charges her. She side steps at the last minute and swings the branch, forcing the creature over the edge.
46. Int. Cave – Day
Claire runs into the cave and finds Adam holding her daughter in his lap. She kneels down and takes her in her arms. Her daughter is bruised and bloodied, but alright. Marc has a broken leg. Claire helps him wrap it and finds a branch to help him walk. The three limp out of the cave.
47. Ext. Base Camp – Night
Claire, Maddie, and Adam emerge from the woods. Maddie’s parents run and embrace their daughter. Claire stands back from her sister, unsure if she is wanted. Her sister gets up and gives her a big hug and thanks her. She then introduces Claire to Maddie as her mom.
Resolution: Claire and her daughter make it down the mountain. Mark’s body is brought down from the mountain.
PJ 11 – she reconciles with her sister.
48. Int. Claire’s Home – Night
Claire, her daughter, sister, and brother-in-law and Adam gather around the table. The eat and laugh. The TV is on in the background. A breaking news story comes on about how Bigfoot was found.
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Renee’s Character Action Tracks
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is how important it is to make sure that the character’s actions match their profiles. She
Act 1: A girl goes missing in the woods.
1. Ext. Forest – Night
Opening: a father checks on his kids in their tent.
2. Int. Club – Night
Claire partying, taking shots, doing lines.
3. Ext. Forest – Night
A creature rips through the tent and snatches the young girl.
4. Int. Claire’s Home – Day
PJ 1 – Hungover, Claire gets a call about a missing girl. She lies about being sick and unable to go. Her patrol officer reminds her that she doesn’t have a choice.
5. Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 1 – Marc talks with the parents of the missing girl. He tells them that the mission is most likely going to be a locate and recover rather than a search and rescue, but that he will do everything he can to try and bring their daughter back alive.
6. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 2 – Marc pulls his three men into the tent to go over his plans to capture the creature alive.
7. Ext. Claire’s House – Day
She packs her Bronco with her search and rescue gear. An old neighbor warns her there is something in the woods. She has second thoughts about going up, but her neighbor gives her an old hunting knife of his.
8. Ext. Base Camp – Day
Inciting Incident: Claire sees her sister and brother-in-law. She finds out the missing girl is her niece. She doesn’t tell her sister the real reason she is up there (community service). Her brother-in-law calls her out for smelling like booze and asks her where the flask is.
PJ 2 – She yells at her sister about putting her niece in danger.
Surface Layer: Claire must find her missing niece before it’s too late.
Deeper Layer – the missing girl is actually her daughter.
9. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 2 – Marc directs the search and rescue team of the mission. The volunteers leave the tent. He pulls his men aside again and reiterates the importance of bringing the creature back alive and goes over the plan again.
Deeper Layer: he wants revenge on the creature that killed his brother.
10. Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day
PJ 3 – Claire steps out of the tent and sees her former best friend, Lexi. She tentatively approaches her. She lies to Lexi about why she hasn’t been in contact with her for years. Lexi knows she’s lying but is willing to forgive Claire.
11. Ext. Mountain Trail – Day
The search and rescue team spreads out in pairs. They call out to Maddie as the walk up the trail toward the family’s campsite. Lexi and Claire talk about the past. The find the first traces of the creature. They think it is a grizzly bear.
12. Ext. Family Camp Site – Day
The team reaches the camp site. The tent Maddie was in has large claw marks down the side. Claire approaches Adam and asks him if he thinks her daughter is alive. He tells her there is always hope. They discover which way the creature went.
13. Ext. Forest – Day
Claire is starting to have withdraws. She separates from Lexi and pulls out her flask. She takes a long drink. Adam comes up on her and warns her to stay with her partner.
14. Ext. Forest – Day
Scott and Paul are going over the plan. Adam is starting to have his doubts about what they are going, but stays the course because he is loyal to Marc.
15. Ext. Forest – Day
Turning Point 1: Paul wanders from the path and is taken by the creature. The rest of the team search the area for him.
PJ 4 – Claire is scared and wants to go back, she doesn’t think she can handle it if she finds her daughters mangled corpse.
Act 2: More volunteers get taken by the creature while they are searching for the girl.
16. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 3 – Marc hears from Scott that Paul has gone missing. He goes on a tirade, destroying everything in the tent. He pulls out the map and radios Adam, telling him he better not fail the mission, like he did in Iraq. He tells him that they are not to come back down until they have found the creature.
17. Ext. Base Camp – Day
AJ 4 – Marc approaches Maddie’s parents and tells them that one of the volunteers has gone missing, but assures them that the rest of the group will continue to search for their daughter and won’t come back until they find her.
Deeper Layer: he will bring the creature back alive even if it means the girl must die.
18. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Adam informs the rest of the group that they will need to make camp for the night. There are lots of protests, but eventually they make camp.
19. Ext. Forest – Night
Claire slips out of the camp site to drink. Lexi finds her and brings her back to the camp.
20. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Claire sits alone, away from the fire and the rest of the group. Adam comes over and sits down with her. The sit in silence for a while, then Adam starts asking her questions. She starts to give him some truths and some lies.
PJ 6 – Claire opens up about her past and giving up a daughter for adoption.
21. Int. Tent – Night
Claire lies down and tries to go to sleep, but she tosses and turns because she is worried about her daughter and racked with guilt.
22. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Adam sits next to the fire, keeping an eye on things. Scott and another volunteer patrol the surrounding area. One of them screams. Adam is on high alert. Claire and the rest of the group emerge from their tents. Scott stumbles into the campsite, bloodied, babbling on about a creature taking Jacob. Adam directs the rescuers to pair up and search the perimeter of the camp site to find Jacob.
23. Ext. Forest – Night
Two team members are calling out for Jacob. The come across is mangled body. They turn back toward the camp site. The creature grabs one and drags him screaming in to the woods.
24. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Scott is in horrific pain. Claire comes over and gives her flask to him. He takes a long drink and hands it back. There are more screams in the woods. Only one of the volunteers returns to the camp.
25. Ext. Camp Site – Night
The team wants to go back down the mountain. Claire is torn between staying and going. She convinces them that the best way to get out alive is to continue forward together.
PJ 5 – After more rescuers go missing, Claire must convince the remaining to continue on.
26. Int. Tent – Night
Claire is patching Scott up. He is delirious. He lets slip that they are bringing the creature back alive. This doesn’t sit well with Claire.
PJ 7 – When one of the antagonists men gets seriously injured, she still helps him.
27. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Claire confronts Adam. He admits that was the plan when they started out, but now he wants to help her find her daughter.
Turning Point 2: It’s revealed that they are to take the creature alive, even if it means letting the missing girl die.
Act 3: Claire goes on by herself.
28. Ext. Camp Site – Day
While Adam is attending Scott and developing a plan to get him down the hill, Claire packs up her stuff and sneaks out of camp.
PJ 8 – Claire doesn’t trust Adam has her best interests at heart and decides to go out on her own.
29. Ext. Camp Site – Later
Adam is getting things packed. Scott is lying on a stretcher. Adam asks if anyone has seen Claire. No one has. He tells Lexi and the other two remaining volunteers to get Scott down the mountain. He’s going after Claire.
30. Ext. Base Camp – Day
Marc sees volunteers dragging Scott down the hill on a stretcher. The parents are hysterical. Marc becomes angry and orders them to take Scott into the tent rather then calling in the medics.
AJ 5 – When the injured man makes it back to camp with Lexi, he decides he will have to capture the creature on his own.31. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc berates Scott and demands he tell him where they were headed. He tries to make contact with Adam. When he can’t reach him he makes plans to go back up the mountain himself.
32. Ext. Base Camp – Day
The girls parents approach him demanding answers. He tells them their daughter is probably dead, making it easier to bring the creature back alive.
33. Ext. Camp Site – Day
Adam takes inventory and heads into the forest after Claire.
34. Ext. Forest – Day
Claire stumbles into an opening. She spots a cave. She scopes it out for any movement.
35. Ext. Camp Site – Day
Marc reaches the campsite and figures out which way Claire went. He disappears into the trees.
36. Int. Cave – Day
Claire cautiously enters the cave and looks around. She sees a mass huddled in the corner. It’s her daughter. A large shadow covers the cave entrance. Claire hides. The creature comes in, dragging Adam behind him. It tosses him into the corner with her daughter.
Turning Point 3: Claire finds her daughter, hurt and scared in the creature’s cave. Before she can rescue her Mark shows up.
37. Int. Cave – Day
Claire watches as the creature leaves the cave.
38. Ext. Cave – Day
Marc has found the cave. He watches as the creature leaves the cave. He creeps up to the cave entrance.
39. Int. Cave – Day
She runs to her daughter to see if she’s alive. She stirs. Claire checks on Adam. He’s also alive but bleeding badly.
40. Ext. Cave – Day
Marc enters the cave.
41. Int. Cave – Day
Claire is kneeling next to her daughter, trying to wake her up. She hears Marc. She turns. He is pointing a gun at her. She looks around for a weapon of some kind.
PJ 9 – Claire stands in the way of Mark getting to the creature.
AJ 6 – he threatens to kill them both.
Major Reveal: Claire reveals the girl is her daughter. Mark reveals the creature killed his brother.
Act 4: Claire must kill the creature and Mark to save her daughter.
42. Int. Cave – Day
PJ 10 – Claire sees a way out, but can’t do anything when Marc has a gun on her. She gets him talking to try and distract him. Marc doesn’t notice Adam is awake, but Claire does. Adam gets up and lunges at Marc, who swings the gun toward Adam and fires. Adam falls to the ground, knocking Marc down with him. The gun flies out of his hands. Claire picks it up and points it at Marc. Marc gets up and rushes at Claire. She fires the gun, hitting him in the chest. He falls to the ground and dies. Claire drops the gun and runs to Adam. He is hit, but will survive. Claire is going to go outside to find something for Adam to use. She takes the gun with her.
Climax: Claire fights Mark and kills him.
43. Ext. Cave – Day
Claire steps outside and sighs in relief. A large shadow falls across her. The creature has returned. Claire must now fight the creature. She tries to aim the gun but it knocks her down, the gun flies. She scrambles back. She hits the side of the mountain and climbs up. The creature follows her.
44. Ext. Hill – Day
Claire scrambles up the hill. The creature close on her heels. She reaches the top.
45. Ext. Cliff – Day
Claire scrambles onto the cliff top and finds a large branch. She picks it up and moves to the edge of the cliff. The creature lumbers onto the cliff and advances. Claire swings the branch and connects. Making the creature mad. It charges her. She side steps at the last minute and swings the branch, forcing the creature over the edge.
46. Int. Cave – Day
Claire runs into the cave and finds Adam holding her daughter in his lap. She kneels down and takes her in her arms. Her daughter is bruised and bloodied, but alright. Marc has a broken leg. Claire helps him wrap it and finds a branch to help him walk. The three limp out of the cave.
47. Ext. Base Camp – Night
Claire, Maddie, and Adam emerge from the woods. Maddie’s parents run and embrace their daughter. Claire stands back from her sister, unsure if she is wanted. Her sister gets up and gives her a big hug and thanks her. She then introduces Claire to Maddie as her mom.
Resolution: Claire and her daughter make it down the mountain. Mark’s body is brought down from the mountain.
PJ 11 – she reconciles with her sister.
48. Int. Claire’s Home – Night
Claire, her daughter, sister, and brother-in-law and Adam gather around the table. The eat and laugh. The TV is on in the background. A breaking news story comes on about how Bigfoot was found.
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Renee’s New Outline Beats
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is how to work backward to make sure that everything is logical and flows well.
Act 1: A girl goes missing in the woods.
Ext. Forest – Night
Opening: a father checks on his kids in their tent.
Int. Club – Night
Claire partying.
Ext. Forest – Night
A creature rips through the tent and snatches the young girl.
Int. Claire’s Home – Day
PJ 1 – Hungover, Claire gets a call about a missing girl. She wants to refuse but is reminded that it is part of her community service.
Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 1 – Marc makes his plans to bring the creature back alive.
Ext. Claire’s House – Day
She packs her Bronco with her search and rescue gear. An old neighbor warns her there is something in the woods.
Ext. Base Camp – Day
Inciting Incident: Claire sees her sister and brother-in-law. She finds out the missing girl is her niece. Surface Layer: Claire must find her missing niece before it’s too late.
PJ 2 – She yells at her sister about putting her niece in danger.
Deeper Layer – the missing girl, is actually her daughter.
Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 2 – Marc directs the search and rescue team of the mission. He pulls three members aside and tells them they are to bring the creature back alive no matter the cost.
Deeper Layer: he wants revenge on the creature that killed his brother.
Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day
PJ 3 – Claire discovers that her former best friend is one of the volunteers and decides to let past issues go and teams up with her during the search.
Ext. Family Camp Site – Day
The search and rescue team looks at the campsite for clues. They discover which way the creature went; they think it is a big grizzly.
Ext. Forest – Day
Claire and Lexi talk while looking for more clues about where the creature went.
Ext. Forest – Day
Adam and Scott talk about their plan to capture the creature.
Ext. Forest – Later
Turning Point 1: The first team member is killed while searching the for the girl.
PJ 4 – Claire is scared and wants to turn back but can’t leave her daughter to die.
Act 2: More volunteers get taken by the creature while they are searching for the girl.
Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 3 – Marc hears from Adam that one of the volunteers has been killed, and he must adjust his plans.
Ext. Base Camp – Day
AJ 4 – Marc reassures the parents that his men are highly experienced and will do everything possible to bring their daughter back alive.
Deeper Layer: he will bring the creature back alive even if it means the girl must die.
Ext. Camp Site – Night
The rescuers are deep in the woods and make camp for the night. Claire sits with Adam and talks. Everyone but Adam fall asleep next to the fire. The creature takes another rescuer. All hell breaks loose.
PJ 6 – Claire opens up about her past and giving up a daughter for adoption.
Ext. Camp Site – Later
PJ 5 – After more rescuers go missing, Claire must convince the remaining to continue on. They hear a moaning. Adam finds Scott, severely injured but alive.
Ext. Forest – Later
Claire helps patch Scott up. He is delirious. He lets slip that they are bringing the creature back alive. This doesn’t sit well with Claire.
PJ 7 – When one of the antagonist’s men gets seriously injured, she still helps him.
Turning Point 2: It’s revealed that they are to take the creature alive, even if it means letting the missing girl die.
Act 3: Claire goes on by herself.
Ext. Camp Site – Day
While Adam is attending Scott and developing a plan to get him down the hill, Claire packs up her stuff and sneaks out of camp.
PJ 8 – Claire doesn’t trust Adam has her best interests at heart and decides to go out on her own.
Ext. Base Camp – Day
Marc sees Lexi and Adam dragging Scott down the hill on a stretcher. The parents get hysterical. Adam brings Scott into the tent.
AJ 5 – When the injured man makes it back to camp with Lexi, he decides he will have to capture the creature on his own.
Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc talks with Scott to find out where the group was headed. He makes plans to go back up the mountain himself.
Ext. Base Camp – Day
Adam tries to talk some sense into Marc but is unsuccessful. He decides to follow Marc back up the hill to try and save Claire and the girl.
Ext. Forest – Day
Claire stumbles into an opening. She spots a cave. She hesitantly goes into it.
Int. Cave – Day
Claire enters the cave and spots the girl huddled in the corner.
Turning Point 3: Claire finds her daughter, hurt and scared, in the creature’s cave. Before she can rescue her, Mark shows up.
Int. Cave – Day
Claire runs to her daughter. She is barely holding on. Marc shows up looking for the creature.
PJ 9 – Claire stands in the way of Mark getting to the creature.
AJ 6 – he threatens to kill them both.
Major Reveal: Claire reveals the girl is her daughter. Mark reveals the creature killed his brother.
Act 4: Claire must kill the creature and Mark to save her daughter.
Int. Cave – Day
PJ 10 – Claire tries to reason with Marc. She doesn’t want to kill him.
Int. Cave – Day
Climax: Claire fights Mark and kills him.
Ext. Cave – Day
Claire gathers her daughter in her arms, but the exit is blocked by the creature. She puts her daughter down and kills the creature with Marc’s gun.
Ext. Base Camp – Night
Resolution: Claire and her daughter make it down the mountain. Mark’s body is brought down from the mountain.
PJ 11 – she reconciles with her sister.
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Renee’s Beat Sheet Draft 1
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is how to create a beat sheet that includes the character journeys, as well as the deep layers.
Act 1: A girl goes missing in the woods.
Opening: a young girl is taken from her tent by a mysterious creature. Intercut with Claire partying.
PJ 1 – Hungover, Claire gets a call about a missing girl. She wants to refuse, but is reminded that it is part of her community service.
AJ 1 – he makes his plans to bring the creature back alive.
Inciting Incident: Claire finds out the missing girl is her niece.
Surface Layer: Claire must find her missing niece before it’s too late.
PJ 2 – She yells at her sister about putting her niece in danger.
Deeper Layer – the missing girl is actually her daughter.
AJ 2 – he goes over his plan with three members of the search and rescue team.
Deeper Layer: he wants revenge on the creature that killed his brother.
PJ 3 – Claire discovers that her former best friend is one of the volunteers and decides to let past issues go and teams up with her during the search.
Turning Point 1: The first team member is killed, while searching the grid.
Act 2: Rescuers get taken by the creature while they are searching for the girl.
PJ 4 – Claire is scared and wants to turn back but can’t leave her daughter to die.
AJ 3 – he must adjust his plans once one of his men is taken and killed but the creature.
AJ 4 – he reassures the parents that they will do everything they can to get their daughter back.
Deeper Layer: he will bring the creature back alive even if it means the girl must die.
PJ 5 – After more rescuers go missing, Claire must convince the remaining to continue on.
Turning Point 2: It’s revealed that they are to take the creature alive, even if it means letting the missing girl die.
PJ 6 – Claire opens up about her past and giving up a daughter for adoption.
PJ 7 – When one of the antagonists men gets seriously injured, she still helps him.
Act 3: Claire goes on by herself.
PJ 8 – Claire doesn’t trust Adam has her best interests at heart and decides to go out on her own.
AJ 5 – When the injured man makes it back to camp with Lexi, he decides he will have to capture the creature on his own.Turning Point 3: Claire finds her daughter, hurt and scared in the creature’s cave. Before she can rescue her Mark shows up.
PJ 9 – Claire stands in the way of Mark getting to the creature.
AJ 6 – he threatens to kill them both.
Major Reveal: Claire reveals the girl is her daughter. Mark reveals the creature killed his brother.
Act 4: Claire must kill the creature and Mark to save her daughter.
PJ 10 – Claire tries to reason with Marc. She doesn’t want to kill him.
Climax: Claire fights Mark and kills him, then must face down the creature.
Resolution: Claire and her daughter make it down the mountain. Mark’s body is brought down from the mountain.
PJ 11 – she reconciles with her sister.
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Renee’s Deeper Layers
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is a deeper layer to my story. I wasn’t sure what I wanted the deeper layer to be but when I started reading the assignment the deeper layer just came to me. Having a deeper layer makes the story more interesting and influences how the characters act and react to the action around them.
Surface Layer: Claire is trying to rescue her niece from the creature in the mountains.
Surface Layer: Mark wants to find the creature and bring it back alive.
Deeper Layer: The niece is really Claire’s daughter. Her sister adopted her because Claire couldn’t take care of her due to her partying and drug use.
Deeper Layer: Marc’s brother was killed by the creature and Mark is now bent on revenge.
Major Reveal: During the climax she tells Mark she will not let him sacrifice her daughter.
Major Reveal: During the climax he tells Claire why he wants the creature alive.
Influences Surface Story: Claire is reluctant to help on the search and rescue mission because she is hung over. When she sees her sister at the command center she has mixed emotions, she hates her sister for taking away her daughter and cutting off contact with her, but loves her for making sure her daughter has a good life. When she finds out it is her daughter that is missing she takes the lead and is relentless in her pursuit of the creature. She will stop at nothing to rescue her daughter even killing Mark.
Influences Surface Story: He gives three of the search and rescue team members instructions to bring the creature back alive. When two men go missing/are killed, and the third has a change of heart he goes up to the mountain himself.
Hints: When she discovers it’s her daughter she gets emotional. She mentions a past trauma that resulted in her getting pregnant and having to put the daughter up for adoption. When she confronts Mark during the climax.
Changes Reality: Finding out that its her daughter changes how we view her actions through the movie.
Act 1:
Opening: A young girl is taken by a creature while camping in the mountains with her family. Intercut with Claire partying.
Inciting Incident: She is reluctant to help on the search and rescue mission even though it is court ordered. She finds out her niece is the missing girl.
Surface Layer: Claire is trying to rescue her niece from the creature in the mountains.
Deeper Layer: The missing girl is actually Claire’s daughter who her sister gained custody of because of Claire’s drug use and partying. She hasn’t had contact with her sister or seen her daughter in six years.
Hint: she becomes overly emotional about her missing niece. Yells at her sister for letting it happen.
Turning Point 1: The team splits up into groups of two and searches the area in a grid pattern. One of the team members wanders a bit too far and is taken by the creature.
Influences the Story: after the second team member is taken, the rest of the group wants to turn back. Claire won’t let them.
Hint: She shares a bit of her past trauma with Adam and Lexi (triangle character, former best friend)
Turning Point 2: It’s revealed that they are to take the creature alive, even if it means letting the missing girl die.
Turning Point 3: Claire finds her daughter hurt and scared in a cave. The creature is there. Mark shows up.
Climax: Claire confronts Mark. She must kill the creature and ends up killing Mark.
Influences the Story: she is willing to kill Mark to save her daughter.
Major Reveal: Claire reveals the girl is her daughter. Marc reveals the creature killed his brother.
Resolution: Claire and her daughter make it back down and reconciles with her sister. Mark’s body is brought down.
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My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is how to think about both the protagonist’s and antagonist’s journeys and how they need to fit the concept. It helps to think about how the characters change from the start of the movie to the end and how you can use it to create a solid structure.
Claire’s Structure
Beginning: Claire is a selfish party girl trying to hide from a past trauma.
Inciting Incident: Her niece is taken while camping with her family.
Turning Point 1: The first team member goes missing, while searching for her niece.
Act 2: Claire thinks they need to turn back and reevaluate their plan. She doesn’t want to die.
Turning Point 2: It’s revealed that they are to take the creature alive, even if it means letting her niece die.
Act 3: Claire pulls the team together. She is not going to let her niece die, no matter the cost.
Turning Point 3: She finds her niece alive, but badly hurt and scared in a cave being guarded by the beast. Mark has shown up and is willing to kill Claire and her niece to capture the beast alive.
Climax: Claire must defeat Marc and the beast and escape with her niece.
Resolution: The niece is reunited with her parents, Claire makes up with her sister. Mark’s body is brought down from the mountain.
Mark’s Structure
Beginning: He’s a man bent on revenge.
Inciting Incident: His brother was killed by the creature when they were younger and he wasn’t able to stop it.
Turning Point 1: a girl is taken from her campsite while sleeping.
Act 2: He makes a plan to capture the creature alive.
Turning Point 2: One of his men is taken and killed by the creature.
Turning Point 3: His second in command has a change of heart and goes against his orders.
Climax: He goes up the mountain himself and confronts Claire, willing to kill both to get to the creature.
Resolution: He ends up coming down the mountain in a body bag.
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Renee’s Supporting Characters
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who has her movies produced and who has enough work to stay busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is that you need to give some thought about supporting characters and background characters before you start writing.
Supporting Characters: Gracie, Jeff, Scott, Lexi, Craig, Johnny
Background Characters: search and rescue volunteers
Support 1:
Name: Gracie
Role:protagonist’s sister
Main purpose: to remind Claire what is at stake, not just her daughter’s life but their relationship as well.
Value: it motivates Claire to want to be better so she can mend their relationship.
Support 2:
Name: Jeff
Role: protagonist’s brother-in-law
Main purpose: to get under Claire’s skin and remind her why she doesn’t have a relationship with her sister and niece.
Value: It causes Claire to think her previous choice and reconsider her constant partying.
Support 3:
Name: Scott
Role: Volunteer/Antagonist’s lackey
Main purpose: to execute the Antagonist’s plan
Value: challenges Claire at every stage of the rescue.
Support 4:
Name: Lexi
Role: volunteer/protagonist’s former best friend
Main purpose: to expose Claire’s past and challenge her to be better.
Value: gives Claire a new perspective on how she acts and treats people.
Support 5:
Name: Jonny
Role: protagonist’s older neighbor
Main purpose: to warn the protagonist about going into the woods.
Value: It makes her more cautious when searching for her niece and more aware of her surroundings.
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Renee’s Character Profiles Part 2
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who has her movies produced and who has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to look deeper to find out who my characters really are and how they fulfill the high concept.
Character Name: Claire
Concept: A member of a local search and rescue team finds herself in need of rescuing when she comes across a mysterious mountain creature while searching for a missing girl.
Character’s Journey: Claire is a insecure party girl who comes across as uncaring. By the end of the movie she is willing to sacrifice herself to save her missing niece.
Actor Attractors:
What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
She tougher than she looks and is the only one who can rescue the girl and defeat both the antagonist and the creature.
What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
She takes on a government entity and a mysterious creature to save a missing girl.
What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
She saves a fellow search and rescue team member even though he is working against her. She manages to escape from the members of the group that are working to capture the creature alive. She outwits the bad actors in the group and manages to defeat the creature and save the girl.
How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? What could be this character’s emotional range?
From irritated, to concerned, to scared, to courageous.
What subtext can the actor play?
She’s incredibly concerned about her missing niece, but acts unattached and unconcerned. She still is in love with one of the team members, but acts like she really doesn’t care.
What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
The most interesting relationships she has is the one with her sister and one of the other volunteers.
How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
She’s able to get the group calm after the first person is taken and she is able to convince them to ignore the supervisor’s plan and do whatever it takes to rescue her niece.
What could make this character special and unique?
She seems self-centered on the outside, but in reality she is incredibly caring toward those she cares for the most. She hides behind her party girl exterior to keep from getting close to anyone after her heart was broken.
Role in the Story: Protagonist
Age range and Description: mid 20’s; she’s a petite party girl who weighs 90 pounds soaking wet and she’s desperate to find her missing niece in hopes of repairing her relationship with her sister.
Core Traits: Addictive, Insecure, Resourceful, Cautious
Motivation: she wants to prove that she isn’t a bad person and wants to make up for her mistakes.
Want/Need: she wants to save her niece, she needs to repair the relationship with her sister.
Wound:
Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability:
– she has kind words for everyone she meets.
– she loves her niece even if her relationship with her sister is strained.
– she doesn’t take shit from anyone (she stands up for herself)
– she is willing to help the bad guys.
Relatability:
– she’s not perfect. She struggles with addiction.
– based on past heartbreak she keeps herself closed off for fear of getting hurt again.
Empathy:
– she struggles with alcohol.
– she seems to be unlucky in love
Character Subtext: deceitful
Character Intrigue:
– Deception: her sister doesn’t know that she is only there because she was ordered to by a judge after she was arrested for a DUI.
– Unspoken Wound: her sister cheated with her boyfriend and fell pregnant with her niece.
– Secret Identity: she believes she can be the hero.
Flaw: Undervalues herself.
Values: Family
Character Dilemma: She wants her privacy but she wants to be included.
Character Name: Mark Thompson
Concept: A member of a local search and rescue team finds herself in need of rescuing when she comes across a mysterious mountain creature while searching for a missing girl.
Character’s Journey: a man bent on revenging his twin brother’s death no matter the cost, to accepting that he will never be able to fill the void left by his brother’s death.
Actor Attractors:
What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
He’s a ruthless government official who will do anything to get what he wants, include sacrificing a young girl.
What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He appears concerned for the missing girl but is behind the scenes orchestrating a plan to capture the creature without concern for whether the girl lives or dies.
What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
He will instruct his “men” to sabotage the efforts to rescue the girl. When the protagonist thwarts his plans he will go into the woods himself to complete the mission.
How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He is instructing two of his men that they need to take the creature alive, and not to stress over rescuing the girl.
What could be this character’s emotional range?
From calm and collected to enraged and out of control.
What subtext can the actor play?
He acts like he is interested in saving the girl, but in reality he couldn’t care less whether she lives or dies as long as he takes the creature alive.
What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
The relationship with one of his men.
How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
He will be overbearing and dominant with everyone.
What could make this character special and unique?
He will be ruthless in his pursuit.
Role in the Story: Antagonist
Age range and Description: late 50’s; he is an obsessed control freak who believes that capturing the creature that killed his twin brother even if it means the missing girl will die will help him to find closure for his brother’s death.
Core Traits: Controlling, Obsessive, Callous, Persistent
Motivation: revenge against the creature that killed his twin brother.
Want/Need: he wants to avenge his brother’s death but he needs to forgive himself for not being able to save his brother.
Wound: his twin brother was killed by the creature and he wasn’t able to save him.
Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability:
– nothing
Relatability:
– he wants revenge on those who hurt the people he loves.
Empathy:
– his twin brother was killed by the creature he is now hunting.
Character Subtext: evil
Character Intrigue:
– Hidden agendas: he wants to bring the creature back alive, no matter what.
– Conspiracies: working with Scott and Adam to bring the creature back alive even if it means the girl dies.
– Deception: he assures the parents that he will do whatever it takes to bring their daughter back alive.
– Unspoken Wound: his brother was killed by the same creature and he is out for revenge.
– Secret Identity: he believes by bringing the creature in alive to study he will be the hero.
Flaw: Over confidence
Values: Family and strength
Character Dilemma: Ultimate Control vs. Chaos
Character Name: Adam
Concept: A member of a local search and rescue team finds herself in need of rescuing when she comes across a mysterious mountain creature while searching for a missing girl.
Character’s Journey: From a ridged ‘yes’ man to someone willing to go against orders even if it costs him everything.
Actor Attractors:
What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
He has a tough exterior but a soft heart. He struggles to do what’s right if it means going against orders.
What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He’s a former Marine that is hesitant to go against orders, but understands that a young girl’s life is at stake and he’s torn about what to do.
What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
He tries to sabotage the protagonist’s rescue plan, when he finds out his orders will put the girl in jeopardy he starts to have second thoughts. He confesses to the protagonist what the antagonist is willing to do. He openly defies the antagonist. He sacrifices himself to help the protagonist achieve her goal.
How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
I’m not sure yet.
What could be this character’s emotional range?
Calm and collected, to angry, to mournful, to sad and sorry.
What subtext can the actor play?
He seems to be following orders without question, but isn’t sure he wants to be a ‘yes’ man anymore.
What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
The relationship with the protagonist and the antagonist
How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
He will be disciplined but also understanding.
What could make this character special and unique?
His ability to look past his training and disciplined to see the protagonist’s need to get her niece back.
Character Subtext: Lying
Character Intrigue:
– Hidden agendas: he is under orders to bring the creature back alive.
– Competition: he is in competition with Scott to gain favor by being the one to capture the creature.
– Conspiracies: working with Marc to bring the creature back alive even if it means the girl dies.
– Unspoken Wound: being discharged from the Marines because of an injury.
Flaw: Overconfidence
Values: Duty
Character Dilemma: love vs. duty
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Renee’s Character Profiles Part 1
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who has her movies produced and who has enough work to stay busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about the characters and what decisions you can make before you start writing to create a well-rounded character that will engage the audience and keep them interested in the story. I also learned that I really needed to add a triangle character.
Character Name: Claire
Concept: A member of a local search and rescue team finds herself needing rescuing when she comes across a mysterious mountain creature while searching for a missing girl.
Character’s Journey: Claire is an insecure party girl who comes across as uncaring. By the movie’s end, she is willing to sacrifice herself to save her missing niece.
Actor Attractors:
What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
She is tougher than she looks and is the only one who can rescue the girl and defeat both the antagonist and the creature.
What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
She takes on a government entity and a mysterious creature to save a missing girl.
What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
She saves a fellow search and rescue team member even though he is working against her. She manages to escape from the members of the group that are working to capture the creature alive. She outwits the bad actors in the group and manages to defeat the creature and save the girl.
How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? What could be this character’s emotional range?
From irritated to concerned, to scared, to courageous.
What subtext can the actor play?
She’s incredibly concerned about her missing niece but acts unattached and unconcerned. She still is in love with one of the team members but acts like she really doesn’t care.
What are the most interesting relationships this character can have?
The most interesting relationships she has are with her sister and the triangle character.
How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
She can calm the group after the first person is taken, and she can convince them to ignore the supervisor’s plan and do whatever it takes to rescue her niece.
What could make this character special and unique?
She seems self-centered on the outside, but in reality, she is incredibly caring toward those she cares for the most. She hides behind her party girl exterior to keep from getting close to anyone after her heart was broken.
Role in the Story: Protagonist
Age range and Description: mid 20’s; she’s a petite party girl who weighs 90 pounds soaking wet, and she’s desperate to find her missing niece in hopes of repairing her relationship with her sister.
Core Traits: Addictive, Insecure, Resourceful, Cautious
Motivation: she wants to prove that she isn’t a bad person and wants to make up for her mistakes.
Want/Need: she wants to save her niece, and she needs to repair the relationship with her sister.
Wound:
Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability:
– she has kind words for everyone she meets.
– she loves her niece even if her relationship with her sister is strained.
– she doesn’t take shit from anyone (she stands up for herself)
– she is willing to help the bad guys.
Relatability:
– she’s not perfect. She struggles with addiction.
– based on past heartbreak, she keeps herself closed off for fear of getting hurt again.
Empathy:
– she struggles with alcohol.
– she seems to be unlucky in love
Character Name: Mark Thompson
Concept: A member of a local search and rescue team finds herself needing rescuing when she comes across a mysterious mountain creature while searching for a missing girl.
Character’s Journey: a man bent on revenging his twin brother’s death no matter the cost, to accept that he will never be able to fill the void left by his brother’s death.
Actor Attractors:
What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
He’s a ruthless government official who will do anything to get what he wants, including sacrificing a young girl.
What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He appears concerned for the missing girl but is behind the scenes orchestrating a plan to capture the creature without concern for whether the girl lives or dies.
What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
He will instruct his “men” to sabotage the efforts to rescue the girl. When the protagonist thwarts his plans, he will go into the woods himself to complete the mission.
How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He is instructing two of his men that they need to take the creature alive and not to stress over rescuing the girl.
What could be this character’s emotional range?
From calm and collected to enraged and out of control.
What subtext can the actor play?
He acts like he is interested in saving the girl, but in reality, he couldn’t care less whether she lives or dies as long as he takes the creature alive.
What are the most interesting relationships this character can have?
The relationship with one of his men.
How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
He will be overbearing and dominant with everyone.
What could make this character special and unique?
He will be ruthless in his pursuit.
Role in the Story: Antagonist
Age range and Description: late 50’s; he is an obsessed control freak who believes that capturing the creature that killed his twin brother, even if it means the missing girl will die, will help him to find closure for his brother’s death.
Core Traits: Controlling, Obsessive, Callous, Persistent
Motivation: revenge against the creature that killed his twin brother.
Want/Need: he wants to avenge his brother’s death, but he needs to forgive himself for not being able to save his brother.
Wound: his twin brother was killed by the creature, and he couldn’t save him.
Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability:
– nothing
Relatability:
– he wants revenge on those who hurt the people he loves.
Empathy:
– his twin brother was killed by the creature he is now hunting.
Character Name: Adam
Concept: A member of a local search and rescue team finds herself needing rescuing when she comes across a mysterious mountain creature while searching for a missing girl.
Character’s Journey: From a ridged ‘yes’ man to someone willing to go against orders even if it costs him everything.
Actor Attractors:
What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
He has a tough exterior but a soft heart. He struggles to do what’s right if it means going against orders.
What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He’s a former Marine that is hesitant to go against orders but understands that a young girl’s life is at stake, and he’s torn about what to do.
What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
He tries to sabotage the protagonist’s rescue plan; when he finds out his orders will put the girl in jeopardy, he starts to have second thoughts. He confesses to the protagonist what the antagonist is willing to do. He openly defies the antagonist. He sacrifices himself to help the protagonist achieve her goal.
How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
I’m not sure yet.
What could be this character’s emotional range?
Calm and collected, angry, mournful, sad, and sorry.
What subtext can the actor play?
He seems to be following orders without question but isn’t sure he wants to be a ‘yes’ man anymore.
What are the most interesting relationships this character can have?
The relationship between the protagonist and the antagonist
How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
He will be disciplined but also understanding.
What could make this character special and unique?
His ability to look past his training and discipline to see the protagonist’s need to get her niece back.
Role in the Story: Triangle Character
Age range and Description: early 30’s, a former Marine Staff Sargent who is used to following orders even if he disagrees with them.
Core Traits: Impulsive, Cocky, Protective, Obedient
Motivation: to prove he still has what it takes to be a Marine.
Want/Need: he wants to prove himself by being the hero, but he needs to be accepted.
Wound: he was discharged from the marines before he was ready due to an injury,
Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability:
– He’s friendly and kind to the missing girl’s parents. He empathizes with them and treats them like humans.
– He establishes a comradery with the other group member early on.
Relatability:
– He’s trying to find his place post-Marine service.
– He likes the protagonist but is unsure how she feels about him.
Empathy:
– He suffered a career-ending injury and was discharged from the Marines, the only life he has known.
– He wants to help the protagonist but fears what will happen if he goes against orders.
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Renee’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected screenwriter who has her screenplays produced and will have enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is important that characters have deeper layers and that protagonists don’t have to be all good and antagonists can have good qualities.
Protagonist: Claire
Likability:
– she has kind words for everyone she meets.
– she loves her niece even if her relationship with her parent’s is strained.
– she doesn’t take shit from anyone (she stands up for herself)
– she is willing to help the bad guys.
Relatability:
– she’s not perfect. She struggles with addiction.
– based on past heartbreak she keeps herself closed off for fear of getting hurt again.
Empathy:
– she struggles with alcohol.
– she seems to be unlucky in love
– she has difficulty staying out of trouble.
Antagonist: Marc
Likability:
– nothing
Relatability:
– he wants revenge on those who hurt the people he loves.
Empathy:
– his twin brother was killed by the creature he is now hunting.
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Renee’s Character Intrique
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected screenwriter who has her movies produced and have enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about deeper layers for my characters. Having hidden layers can help you create a well-rounded, believable character that will help keep the audience engaged.
Character Name: Claire
Role: Protagonist
Secrets: she’s an alcoholic in rehab.
Deception: her sister doesn’t know that she is only there because she was ordered to by a judge after she was arrested for a DUI.
Unspoken Wound: her sister cheated with her boyfriend and fell pregnant with her niece.
Secret Identity: she believes she can be the hero.
Character Name: Marc
Role: Antagonist
Hidden agendas: he wants to bring the creature back alive, no matter what.
Conspiracies: working with Scott and Chris to bring the creature back alive even if it means the girl dies.
Deception: he assures the parents that he will do what ever it takes to bring their daughter back alive.
Unspoken Wound: his brother was killed by the same creature and he is out for revenge.
Secret Identity: he believes by bringing the creature in alive to study he will be the hero.
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Renee’s Subtext Characters
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected screenwriter who has their movies produced and have enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about possibly areas of subtext for the characters to make the movie more interesting and keep the audience engaged.
Character Name: Claire
Subtext trait: deceitful
Subtext identity: the party girl
Subtext activity: covers by being sarcastic
Claire is a party girl who covers her deceitful behavior with sarcasm.
Act 1: when talking to her sister and brother-in-law (ex boyfriend)
When interacting with the antagonist and rest of the search and rescue team.
Act 2: When she is caught drinking at the camp.
When her ex (one of the antagonists men) starts asking her how she’s doing.
Act 3: when interacting with The boss. Most of this act she is alone with the creature and her unconscious niece.
Act 4: when she is questioned about what happened to the antagonist.
Character Name: Marc
Subtext trait: evil
Subtext identity: the boss
Subtext activity: covers by being overly attentive
Marc is the boss who covers his evil nature by being overly attentive.
Act 1: when dealing with the parents of the missing girl.
When giving orders to the team.
Act 2: When discussing his plans with his men.
When talking with the parents.
Act 3: when talking with Claire.
Act 4: he’s dead
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Renee’s Actor Attractors
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected screenwriter who gets their movies produced and I will have enough work to keep me busy and the light on.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about what can make my characters appealing to A-list actors.
Lead Character Name: Claire Levine
Role: Protagonist
What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
She tougher than she looks and is the only one who can rescue the girl and defeat both the antagonist and the creature.
What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
She takes on a government entity and a mysterious creature to save a missing girl.
What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
She saves a fellow search and rescue team member even though he is working against her. She manages to escape from the members of the group that are working to capture the creature alive. She outwits the bad actors in the group and manages to defeat the creature and save the girl.
How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?What could be this character’s emotional range?
From irritated, to concerned, to scared, to courageous.
What subtext can the actor play?
She’s incredibly concerned about her missing niece, but acts unattached and unconcerned. She still is in love with one of the team members, but acts like she really doesn’t care.
What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
The most interesting relationships she has is the one with her sister and one of the other volunteers.
How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
She’s able to get the group calm after the first person is taken and she is able to convince them to ignore the supervisor’s plan and do whatever it takes to rescue her niece.
What could make this character special and unique?
She seems self-centered on the outside, but in reality she is incredibly caring toward those she cares for the most. She hides behind her party girl exterior to keep from getting close to anyone after her heart was broken.
Lead Character Name: Mark Thompson
Role: Antagonist
What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
He’s a ruthless government official who will do anything to get what he wants, include sacrificing a young girl.
What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He appears concerned for the missing girl but is behind the scenes orchestrating a plan to capture the creature without concern for whether the girl lives or dies.
What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
He will instruct his “men” to sabotage the efforts to rescue the girl. When the protagonist thwarts his plans he will go into the woods himself to complete the mission.
How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He is instructing two of his men that they need to take the creature alive, and not to stress over rescuing the girl.
What could be this character’s emotional range?
From calm and collected to enraged and out of control.
What subtext can the actor play?
He acts like he is interested in saving the girl, but in reality he couldn’t care less whether she lives or dies as long as he takes the creature alive.
What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
The relationship with one of his men.
How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
He will be overbearing and dominant with everyone.
What could make this character special and unique?
He will be ruthless in his pursuit.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Renee Miller.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by
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Movie Title: The Black Phone
Lead Character Name: Finney
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
The character is very clever, even though you wouldn’t know it from the beginning of the film. He starts of quiet and shy and gets bullied at school, but never really reacts. By the end of the movie he is confident in his abilities and is able to remain calm in the face of danger.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
He’s constantly being bullied at school, but manages to keep his cool after being kidnapped and with the help of the dead boys is able to outsmart The Grabber to earn his freedom. Even though he was the weakest of the kidnapped boys, he was the only one who managed to get away.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Trusting the voices of the dead boys and following their directions to ultimately triumph over the antagonist.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
He is a little league pitcher who is quiet and is constantly bullied, but he is fiercely protective over his little sister.
5. What is this character’s emotional range?
He is quiet in the beginning, shows his fear after being kidnapped, but ultimately shows his courage when confronting the kidnapper and his relief when he escapes.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
When he is in the room with The Grabber is acts unafraid even though he is terrified that he will meet the same fate as the other boys.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
His relationship with his sister and with his friend Robin, the boy who was kidnapped right before him.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
In his interactions with his kidnapper. Unlike most kids, he doesn’t react when he’s kidnapped. He is very calm and connected during his interactions and is always asking questions to try and get information from the antagonist.
9. What makes this character special and unique?
He continues to fight for his freedom even when all seems lost. He refuses to give up and play the antagonist’s game.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
When The Grabber brings him food he pretends to be asleep. When The Grabber calls him out and asks for his name he at first refuses to give it. Then he lies about his name, and when he is called out on the lie, he remains calm in the face of The Grabber’s anger.
Lead Character Name: The Grabber
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
The Grabber truly believes that he is not a bad guy. He takes on the role of benevolent father who only hurts the boys he kidnaps when they break the rules and are being what he deems as “bad”.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
He is always seen with a mask on and always speaks in a calm voice, even when he is angry. He believes that what he is doing is not wrong, and believes that he is helping these boys learn how to follow the rules.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Intentionally leaving the door unlocked to try and tempt the boys to try and escape only to be waiting at the top of the stairs to beat them with a belt if they try to escape.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
He is introduced as a bumbling, friendly, magician before turning around and kidnapping the protagonist.
5. What is this character’s emotional range?
From friendly, to calm, to irritated, to angry.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
He speaks calmly even though his rage is just under the surface. He pretends that he won’t harm the protagonist even though he does everything in his power to tempt him into playing the “naughty boy” game.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
The relationship with Finney.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
9. What makes this character special and unique?
He plays the fatherly role to the protagonist and almost mirrors the protagonist’s father in that he is just waiting for him to make a mistake so he can punish him.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
The brother discovers Finney in the basement. Before he can help him escape, The Grabber kills his brother then places the blame for his action on Finney. The Grabber is ready to teach Finney a lesson because he believes Finney has finally started playing his game “naughty boy.”
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Renee’s Genre Conventions
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer that gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to include genre conventions in my 4 act structure.
Title: Something’s in the Woods
Concept: When a volunteer for a local search and rescue team finds out the organization is willing to sacrifice a missing girl to capture a mysterious mountain creature, she must find a way to kill the creature first and rescue the girl.
Genre: Horror
Act 1:
Opening: A family with two children is camping in the remote woods. The dad checks on the kids and then goes to his tent. Something rips open the side of the kids’ tent and drags the older daughter out of the tent. Intercut with Claire is at a club partying.
Inciting Incident: Claire finds out that the missing girl is her niece.
Turning Point 1: The team splits into groups and searches the area in a grid pattern. One of the team members wanders a bit too far and is taken by the creature.
Act 2:
New Plan: Search together as a larger group.
Plan in Action: Claire struggles to keep the group together. More people die.
Turning Point 2: It’s revealed that they are to take the creature alive, even if it means letting the missing girl die.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Claire can’t let them sacrifice her niece.
New Plan: Leave while the rest of the group is sleeping to try and find her niece first.
Turning Point 3: Claire gets taken by the creature to its cave, where the missing girl is alive but badly hurt and scared.
Act 4:
Climax: Claire frees herself and works on getting the girl out but has to sacrifice herself.
Resolution: The girl reunites with her parents. Claire’s body is recovered from the scene.
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Renee’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer that has my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is that you don’t have to go into great detail when first deciding on the elements of the 4 act transformational journey. I also resigned myself to not trying to make it perfect in the beginning, knowing that I can change things at a later date as I work through the process.
Concept: A member of a local search and rescue team finds herself needing rescuing when she comes across a mysterious mountain creature while searching for a missing girl.
Old ways:
• Selfish
• Never takes anything seriously
• Cynical
• Estranged from her family
New Ways:
• Selfless
• Willing to work with others
• Willing to sacrifice herself
• Committed to the cause
Act 1:
Opening: Claire is at a club partying.
Inciting Incident: She finds out the missing girl is her niece.
Turning Point 1: The first team member is killed while searching the grid.
Act 2:
Reaction: Fear and chaos ensue. The group comes together.
The Plan: stick closer together during the search, and don’t let anyone out of your sight.
Turning Point 2: It’s revealed that they are to take the creature alive, even if it means letting the missing girl die.
Act 3:
New Plan: Break away from the group and try to find the creature before they do.
Turning Point 3: Claire gets taken by the creature to its cave, where the missing girl is alive but badly hurt and scared.
Act 4:
Climax: Claire frees herself and works on getting the girl out but has to put herself between the creature and the girl.
Resolution: The girl reunites with her parents. Claire’s body is recovered from the scene.
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My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer that has my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create a subtext-oriented plot. As I looked at the different options, I was able to discover ways to increase the subtext below the surface to make the film more engaging and enjoyable for the audience.
Concept: A member of the local search and rescue team travels into the backcountry with her team in search of a missing girl, but when they start disappearing one by one, she must choose between saving the girl or saving herself.
Subplots Chosen:
– Scheme & Investigation
– Competing agendas
While the protagonist and a majority of the team are earnestly looking for the missing girl, a government agency has given orders to two of the members that they are to bring the creature back alive, even if it means sacrificing the girl, but one of the men has a change of heart giving him a competing agenda with his colleague.
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My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer that has my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about the character’s transformational journey. This has always been an afterthought in previous scripts, but I see how it is important to think about these things at the beginning of the process.
Arc beginning: Claire is a selfish party girl who comes across as uncaring and who refuses to appear vulnerable.
Arc ending: she is willing to sacrifice herself to save a missing girl.
Internal journey: from selfish and uncaring to selfless and courageous.
External journey: from a cynical, selfish party girl to a selfless and caring person who is willing to sacrifice herself to save someone else.
Old Ways:
– selfish
– never takes anything seriously
– cynical
– estranged from her family
New Ways:
– selfless
– willing to work with others for the greater good
– willing to sacrifice herself
– committed to the cause
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My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer that has my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think differently about my main characters. I have never really been intentional when it comes to creating my characters, and the only think about these things as an afterthought during the rewrite process.
Character: Claire Levine
Logline: Claire is a member of the local search and rescue team who will stop at nothing to save a missing girl, even if it means sacrificing herself.
Unique: She is the missing girl’s Aunt.
Character: Bigfoot
Logline: He is a mysterious mountain creature who stalks and kills anyone who enters his territory.
Unique: There’s no conclusive evidence he even exists.
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Renee’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!
Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer that has my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is how powerful empowerment statements are and that I really do feel like I can do the task at hand and excel at it.
Title: Something’s in the Woods
Concept: A member of a local search and rescue group finds herself in need of rescuing when she encounters a mysterious mountain creature while searching for a missing girl.
Character Structure: Protagonist v. Antagonist
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The information about empowerment vs disempowerment was incredibly helpful. I know that I tend to sit in front of my screen for way too long not doing anything and finding out that means I’ve become disempowered and ways to fix it was great.
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Renee Miller, I agree to the terms of this release form.
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi, I’m Renee. I have written three scripts and one of them was optioned last August, with production scheduled to start later this summer. I’ve taken too many ScreenwritingU classes to remember, including the Master Certificate Program and the ProSeries. I’m looking to continue to improve on my writing and finish another script that I can be proud of and hopefully sell. Something unique or strange about me? Growing up I was a part of the Junior Olympic Archery Development program.
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I’m ready to exchange if anyone is interested. – Renee
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Renee’s Outline
What I learned doing this assignment is that my outlines typically start off pretty thin and don’t come fully together until I start writing. I like this formula and will continue to try and use it moving forward with other scripts.
Title: TBD
Genre: Sci-Fi Thriller
Logline: When a three-day journey into space is derailed by space junk, the all-civilian space crew must find a way to work together to return to Earth before they become lost in space.
Concept: all-civilian space crew must find a way to fix their ship.
Main Conflict – they only have 90 minutes to fix the ship before disaster strikes again.
1. Opening – Int. Dining Room – Night
Constance stands over a dining room table, fiddling with a prototype. Her girlfriend comes in and tells her they need to go.
2. Inciting Incident – Int. Banquet Hall – Night
Constance has just won a prestigious award, and along with the $50,000 cash prize, she’s also won a spot on the first-ever, all-civilian, 3-day flight in space.
3. Int. Conference Room – Day
Constance, her girlfriend, and her two daughters are saying goodbye.
4. Int. Elevator – Day
Constance meets Parker, the head of the mission and builder of the aircraft, for the first time. He is dismissive and condescending.
5. Int. SpaceCraft – Day
Constance meets the other two crew members. She likes the young man but is wary of the older, washed-up actor. She decides to keep her distance.
6. Int. SpaceCraft – Constance’s Room – Day
Constance is looking around her small sleeping quarters, taking everything in. William, the actor, comes in and makes a pass at her. She rebuffs his advances and he gets angry, storming out of the room.
7. Int. SpaceCraft – Cafeteria – Day
Constance sits by herself, trying to eat the unappetizing meal in front of her. William and Parker come in. Parker ignores her, William sneers at her. Matt follows them and sits down with her they talk about their lives.
8. Int. SpaceCraft – Hall – Night
Constance and Matt walk down the hall talking. They reach her room, he asks if he would like her to stay and keep watch. She declines. They go their separate ways.
9. Act 1 TP – Int. SpaceCraft – Constance Room – Night
Constance is asleep when the ship’s alarm goes off. She stumbles out of bed disoriented.
10. Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Night
Mission control contacts the crew to let them know that the navigation system was damaged and that they will need to fix it in the next 90 minutes, before the field of space junk orbits the earth and comes into contact with their ship again.
11. Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Night
Parker speaks with mission control and tries to fix the navigation system. Constance wants to help, but he refuses.
12. Act 2 TP – Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Night
Parker refuses to listen to Constance and gets impatient with Mission Control. He ends up shorting out the comm system, cutting them off from Mission Control. They are on their own.
13. Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Night
Constance looks through all the cabinets and finds a manual. She frantically flips through the pages, looking for the schematics for the comm system. She stops on a familiar schematic for the navigation system. It’s the one she was working on in the opening scene.
14. Int. SpaceCraft – Cafeteria – Day
Constance is searching through the cabinets, looking for tools. Parker gets angry with her and they fight. Matt protects Constance and they convince William that Constance can fix the issue.
15. Act 3 TP – Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Day
Constance works on the navigation system and the comm system. She fixes both. They have contact with Mission Control again. They find out the heat shield has also been damaged.
16. Ext. SpaceCraft – Day
Constance must go outside the craft and make repairs on the heat shield.
17. Climax – Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Day
The four strap in and prepare to re-enter Earth’s atmosphere and go home. Constance gets to talk to her daughters before they try to get home.
18. Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Day
They make it through and crash land in the Ocean.
19. Ext. SpaceCraft – Day
The hatch opens and Constance looks around. There’s a helicopter coming to rescue them.
20. Resolution – Int. Helicopter – Day
The four crew members sit solemnly in the helicopter as it flies them to dry land.
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Renee’s Budget
What I learned doing this assignment is how to really look at a script and decide on aspects that will affect the budget before you start writing. It is also helpful for knowing how you can increase the budget if you are asked to by a producer.
1. Run through this list and tell us how many ways you might be able to decrease the budget for your project if that was required.
MAIN VARIABLES
• Number of Locations – only shoot scenes in the spacecraft.
• Expensive locations – avoid any shots outside the spacecraft (eliminate the need for green screens and CGI.
• Number of characters – limit the characters to the four main characters and one character speaking over the space craft’s comm system.
• Special effects –
• Number of pages – keep it below 100 pages by writing efficiently and eliminating any unneeded scenes (first couple of scenes at the beginning could be eliminated and I could use a V.O. to show what happened.)
• Crowd scenes – eliminate the scenes that are shot at space command and turn them into V.O. with one actor at command.
• Stunts, Chase scenes, and Fight scenes – I don’t currently have any of these.
• Special sets – If I eliminate any scenes taking place at command, then I will only have one set, the space craft and I can eliminate the extra areas by having all of the action happen in the main shuttle and cafeteria area.
SECONDARY VARIABLES
• Rights to music, brands, books, etc. – not looking for any specific music, brands or books.
• Explosions and Firearm – there are no scenes with explosions or firearms.
• Kids — shorter workdays, tutor on the set – there will only be one scene with kids and it will be near the end, and the kids won’t be shown on screen, it will just be their voices.
• Animals – need a wrangler, more time to shoot, Humane Society – I have no animals in the script.
• Weather — Rain, snow, wind, tornados. – There are no shots outside the spacecraft.
• Water and underwater scenes – no water or underwater scenes.
• Night scenes – all scenes will be in the spacecraft.
• Helicopters, aircraft, drone shots – there will be no other aircraft or helicopters used and no drone work.
• Green screen work – eliminate the scene of the protagonist outside the spacecraft.
• Extensive Make-up – very minimal makeup will be needed.
• Archival Footage – can change the one scene showing a satellite being blown up and just put it in the dialog.
• Anything else dangerous that increases preparation time and/or Insurance.
2. Then go through the list and tell us what you might add if your budget was quadrupled.
MAIN VARIABLES
• Number of Locations – I can add in scenes being shot at the command center, as well as an opening scene with the protagonist getting a prestigious award.
• Expensive locations – the command center can be shot at NASA in Houston.
• number of characters – I can create more characters for the space command.
• Special effects ¬-
• Number of pages – can add more scenes with space command to increase the page count.
• Crowd scenes – beginning of the script add a scene depicting the protagonist winning a prestigious award with a packed room.
• Stunts, Chase scenes, and Fight scenes
• Special sets
SECONDARY VARIABLES
• Rights to music, brands, books, etc.
• Explosions and Firearm
• Kids — shorter workdays, tutor on the set – have scenes with the protagonist interacting with her two daughters.
• Animals – need a wrangler, more time to shoot, Humane Society
• Weather — Rain, snow, wind, tornados.
• Water and underwater scenes – the spacecraft can land in the ocean upon re-entry.
• Night scenes
• Helicopters, aircraft, drone shots – have helicopters shown rescuing the crew at the end of the film.
• Green screen work – have scenes with the protagonist outside the spacecraft trying to fix the heat shields.
• Extensive Make-up
• Archival Footage
• Anything else dangerous that increases preparation time and/or Insurance.
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Renee’s 4-Act Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create more tension and relief throughout the script to ensure that it is engaging.
Concept: When a three-day journey into space is derailed by space junk, the all-civilian crew must find a way to work together to fix the damaged navigation system and return home.
Main Conflict: they only have 90 minutes to find a way to work together and fix the damaged systems.
Act 1:
• Opening: the protagonist stands in front of a whiteboard looking over schematics for a mechanical system.
• Inciting Incident: she is awarded a prestigious award in mechanical engineering and a spot on the all-civilian flight.
Hope: the protagonist is getting to go into space.
Fear: the “commander” is a misogynist and racist and clearly doesn’t like the protagonist.
Hope: protagonist finds a friend among the crew – Matt the 18-year-old trust-fund kid.
Fear: the washed-up actor corners the protagonist and promises to make her time on the ship uncomfortable.
Fear: you wake up on the second day to the blaring system alarm.
• Turning Point: the craft is hit by space junk and the navigation system is damaged.
Act 2:
• New plan: work with NASA to fix the navigation system.
Hope: the com system wasn’t damaged and you can still talk to command.
Fear: the antagonist gets violent when you try to help fix the system.
Hope: the protagonist goes in search of the manual to see if you can find a way to fix the system.
• Plan in action: the antagonist refuses to let anyone help while he fumbles with trying to fix the navigation system.
Fear: the antagonist has shorted out the comm system and the ship can no longer speak with command.
• Midpoint Turning Point: he short circuits the communication system, leaving them unable to communicate with NASA.
Act 3:
• Rethink everything: Constance finds the manual and realizes she designed the navigation system!
Hope: the protagonist flips through the manual and discovers she designed the navigation system.
Fear: they only have 30 minutes until the space junk is on them again.
Hope: the protagonist fixes the system and manages to get in contact with command.
Fear: command informs them there is something wrong with the heat shield.
Hope: the protagonist thinks that she can figure out a way to protect them during re-entry.
Fear: they only have 15 minutes to figure things out.
• New plan: try and convince the others to let her fix the system.
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: she fixes the navigation and communication systems, only to find out the heat shield was damaged.
Act 4:
• Final plan: find a way to fix the heat shield.
Hope: working together they come up with a plan that might protect them from burning up during re-entry.
Fear: it’s do or die time. They have to start to navigate back into the earth’s atmosphere.
Hope: she gets to tell her daughters she loves them.
Fear: They start their descent into earth’s atmosphere just as the line of space junk passes over them.
Hope: They make it through alive!
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Constance goes outside the ship and finds a way to repair the heat shield. They cross their fingers that they hold during re-entry.
• Resolution: They make it back home safely.
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Renee’s 4-Act Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think more about the big picture to develop a solid foundation for the structure of my script.
Concept: When a three-day journey into space is derailed by space junk, the all-civilian crew must find a way to work together to fix the damaged navigation system and return home.
Main Conflict: they only have 90 minutes to find a way to work together and fix the damaged systems.
Act 1:
• Opening: the protagonist stands in front of a whiteboard looking over schematics for a mechanical system.
• Inciting Incident: she is awarded a prestigious award in mechanical engineering and a spot on the all-civilian flight.
• Turning Point: the craft is hit by space junk and the navigation system is damaged.
Act 2:
• New plan: work with NASA to fix the navigation system.
• Plan in action: the antagonist refuses to let anyone help while he fumbles with trying to fix the navigation system.
• Midpoint Turning Point: he short circuits the communication system, leaving them unable to communicate with NASA.
Act 3:
• Rethink everything: Constance finds the manual and realizes she designed the navigation system!
• New plan: try and convince the others to let her fix the system.
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: she fixes the navigation and communication systems, only to find out the heat shield was damaged.
Act 4:
• Final plan: find a way to fix the heat shield.
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Constance goes outside the ship and finds a way to repair the heat shield. They cross their fingers that they hold during re-entry.
• Resolution: They make it back home safely.
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Renee’s Delivering Multiple Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is how to brainstorm different ways to include layers in the story that can make it more engaging.
• Surface Layer: Constance is a highly-skilled mechanical engineer.
• Beneath That: She was in charge of the team that designed the navigation system that ended up in the shuttle.
• How Revealed: She opens up the control panel to find the system she was working on in the opening scene.
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Renee’s Character Journey’s
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think of each individual characters story and make sure that they have their own arc via the 3-Act structure.
For each of your main characters, create a 3-Act Structure of their journey.
Protagonist: Constance
Beginning: She is reluctant to speak her mind because of her acceptance wound.
Turning Point: she knows how to fix the damaged navigation system, but the antagonist won’t listen to her.
Dilemma: Does she continue to push the antagonist to listen to her and risk his violent temper or does she do nothing and risk the entire crew?
Midpoint: the craft’s communication system gets damaged while the antagonist is trying to fix the navigation system, so she has to persuade the other crew members that she can fix the issues.
Turning Point 2: communication with NASA is restored, but they find out the heat shields are damaged, making re-entry dangerous.
3rd Act Climax: she must figure out a way to fix the damaged heat shield.
Ending: She fixes the heat shield with the help of the other three crew members and they make it home safe.
Antagonist: Parker
Beginning: He’s arrogant and condescending toward the protagonist because she is a black woman and because she won her spot on the ship.
Turning Point: He refuses to let the protagonist try to fix the navigation system because he believes he is smarter than her.
Midpoint: After trying to fix the navigation system, he breaks the communication system leaving the four crew members stranded, without help, floating in space.
Dilemma: Does he continue with his old ways and doom the rest of the crew or does he change how he sees the protagonist and lose his sense of self.
Turning Point 2: he reluctantly allows the protagonist to fix the systems, and they find out the heat shields were also damaged making re-entry dangerous.
3rd Act Climax: He must learn to work with the protagonist so they can all make it back to earth safely.
Ending: They make it home safely and he has a newfound respect for the Protagonist.
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Renee’s Character Depth
What I learned doing this assignment is how to build better characters that jump off the page and engage the audience
Protagonist: Constance is a confident mechanical engineer who is the only one on board who has the knowledge and skills to fix the ship and get them back to Earth
• Motivation: she wants to prove her worth, she needs to earn respect.
• Wound: She has an acceptance wound and constantly feels she is being rejected by her peers.
• Subtext: she’s agreeable on the outside, resentful on the inside.
• Conflict: she is at constant odds with the antagonist about her ability to help
• Secret Identity:
Antagonist: Parker is the pompous, billionaire who funded the trip into space and is trying to protect his investment.
Internal Character Depth
• Motivation: he wants people to worship him, he needs people to love him
• Secret: he funded the mission through a Ponzi scheme
• Wound: he spent several years during his childhood living in the car with his single mother.
• Subtext: confident on the outside, self-conscious on the inside.
• Conflict: he is dismissive of the protagonist and her abilities simply because she is a woman.
• Secret Identity: the con man
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Renee’s Right Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is how thinking about how the characters fit in your story before you start writing can help you create characters that engage the audience and create natural conflict in the story.
Concept Hook: an all-civilian space crew must fix their craft’s damaged navigation system and find a way back to earth.
Contained Setting: a disabled spacecraft
Protagonist: Constance
• She won a prestigious award in mechanical engineering, making her great a fixing things.
• She’s a mother, making her good at conflict resolution.
• As a gay woman, she’s always had to work twice as hard to prove herself to her male colleagues.
Antagonist: Parker
• He’s a con man that has been able to manipulate people into getting what he wants.
• He’s a misogynist and feels he’s entitled to everything.
• He thinks he’s better than everyone else because he has money.
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Renee’s Great Hook
A. How did this process work for you?
The process was pretty simple, but I have already gone through the process with the MSC and the ProSeries.
B. What did you learn doing this assignment?”
I didn’t really learn anything new with this assignment, but it is always nice going through the process again to find a high concept idea.
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Renee’s Guidelines for
What I learned doing this assignment is how to look at an idea and figure out a what you need to do to make it into a contained, COVID friendly production.
Movie Idea
• A. Contained Environment: SpaceCraft
• B. Contained Characters: All-civilian crew
• C. Difficult Situation: they’ve lost their navigation system
• D. Reason for the Containment: They’re in the middle of space.
TITLE: Take Shelter
AS THEY DID IT:
A. People: the protagonist and his wife and daughter, friends of the couple,
B. Stunts: aren’t any stunts
C. Extras: flea market lady and background characters, coworkers, wife’s family, pharmacy technician, coworkers, doctor, insurance adjuster, protags mother, banker, counselor,
D. Wardrobe: minimal
E. Hair and Make-Up: minimal
F. Kids and Animals: the family dog, the kids of the friends, the other kids at the ASL class.
G. Quarantine: There’s a large cast of secondary characters and locations.
COVID GUIDELINE VERSION:
A. People: Any character that isn’t essential to the main storyline or that only appears once could be removed and the movie would still work.
B. Stunts: nothing needs to be changed.
C. Extras: most scenes not at the home or the work site could be cut or be done over the phone.
D. Wardrobe: nothing needs to be changed
E. Hair and Make-up: nothing needs to be changed
F. Kids and Animals: the dog could be removed from the storyline and all the kids, but the daughter could be cut.
G. Quarantine: all the scenes that aren’t at the home or the job site could be changed to telephone conversations, the scenes at the flea market could be cut.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Renee Miller.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by
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Hi everyone. I’m Renee. I’ve written four scripts and had one of them optioned last year. This is my 6th class with ScreenwritingU and always look forward to learning a new process for scriptwriting. I’m hoping to learn the formula for writing contained movies as I am currently brainstorming a high concept that would be set in one location.
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Renee’s Big M.I.S.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about the conventions and the important aspects of your thriller before you write a single scene.
Logline: When the daughter of the city’s District Attorney is kidnapped, she must find a way to escape before she is killed.
1. What are the conventions of your story?
• Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: a young woman majoring in Criminal Justice must use her knowledge and strength to escape her kidnappers.
• Dangerous Villain: the leader of the local KKK will do whatever it takes to get the D.A. to drop the charges against his son, including kidnapping and torturing the D.A.’s daughter.
• High stakes: if she can’t find a way to escape, she will die.
• Life and death situations:
o She is grabbed from the street and thrown in the trunk of a car for what seems like days.
o She is locked in a small, bare room, chained to a bed.
o She is sexually assaulted.
o She is tortured.
o She is tracked through the woods.
• This story is thrilling because?
2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?
• Big Mystery: Who is behind the kidnapping.
• Big Intrigue: the man behind the kidnapping is using the girl to manipulate the city’s D.A. into dropping charges against his associates.
• Big Suspense: Will she be able to escape before she is killed?
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Renee’s Thriller Conventions
What I learned doing this assignment is what the basic conventions of a thriller movie and why it’s important to follow them when writing my own thriller.
THE CONJURING – it matches the model and isn’t one of the example movies that we will be analyzing during the class.
• Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Ed Warren – he doesn’t want to take the case initially because he is worried about what it will do to his wife Lorraine. He eventually is forced to use his knowledge of paranormal activity to perform an exorcism to save the Perron family from a malevolent spirit.
• Dangerous Villain: a malevolent spirit that cursed the land that the house sits on upon her suicide. She will stop at nothing to destroy anyone who resides upon her land.
• High stakes: if the malevolent spirit isn’t stopped, the entire family will die.
• Life and death situations:
o Carolyn (mom) is shoved down the basement stairs by an invisible entity.
o Eldest daughter is attacked by the malevolent spirit.
o Nancy is dragged around the living room by her hair and thrown into various pieces of furniture.
o Lorraine’s daughter Judy is attacked in her own home by a malevolent spirit.
o Carolyn takes her youngest children back to the house to kill them.
o Carolyn becomes possessed by the malevolent spirit that won’t let her leave the house.
o Ed Warren must perform an exorcism even though he isn’t an ordained minister.
o Carolyn gets free and goes after her youngest daughter.
• This movie is thrilling because? The stakes get raised throughout the movie and you don’t know if Ed and his wife Lorraine will succeed in getting rid of the malevolent spirit in time to save the family.
3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?
• Big Mystery: who/what is terrorizing the family.
• Big Intrigue: why is the malevolent spirit trying to kill the family.
• Big Suspense: Ed performing an exorcism that he isn’t trained to do.
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Renee Miller – I agree to the terms of this release form
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi, I’m Renee. I’ve written four features over the last several years. I recently optioned one of my horrors and it looks like they will start filming in the spring. I am also currently in MSC-16 and starting the third phase, so I hope to be able to use what I learn in this class on the next script that we are writing for that class.
Something unique, special, strange, or unusual about me is that I also write interactive fiction audiobooks, basically, they are choose your own adventure books but in audio form.
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Renee’s Twists
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to include twists in your script to help keep the audience engaged.
FIVE FAVORITE TWISTS
Set up: The human traffickers killed the hero’s daughter
Twist: The daughter had a son before she died that is now with the traffickers.
Set up: The wife is upset that her husband can’t let go of the past.
Twist: The hero comes home to find his wife has left him.
Set up: The hero goes undercover
Twist: A colleague of the hero exposes him to the trafficker.
Set up: The girl is a strung-out mess.
Twist: She proves herself to be a valuable resource.
Set up:The hero is on death’s door.
Twist: The young boy frees him and helps him escape.
Opening – A flashback of the hero watching his daughter die at the hands of human traffickers.
Inciting Incident – the hero gets a phone call from an associate informing him that the traffickers that kidnapped and killed his daughter have popped back up in Thailand.
Lost Resource – His wife leaves him because he can’t let go of the past.
M1: He goes to Thailand undercover to try and shut down the human trafficking ring that was responsible for his daughter’s death.
A1: the hero must enter the trafficker’s den completely unarmed.
Identity Hidden
V1: the villain recognizes him but can’t place him.
First Turning Point at end of Act 1 – while the hero is undercover, he is shown a young boy to bid on who looks exactly like the hero’s dead daughter.
Surprising Truth – the boy is the hero’s grandson.
V2: the villain sends a different child to the hero’s hotel room.
M2: the hero makes plans with the girl, who used to be friends with his daughter, to rescue the boy and get out of Thailand.
Surprising Alliance – the kidnapped girl becomes an ally of the hero.
V3: the villain realizes who the hero is and sends a group of mercenaries to the hotel room to kill the hero.
Identity Exposed: an associate of the hero is actually working for the human traffickers and exposes the hero.
A2: the hero and the girl kill all but one of the mercenaries.
New Resource – the girl shows that she can handle herself.
M3: the hero decides the mercenary can lead them to the boy.
A3: the hero and the girl steal a car and chase the lone mercenary through the city.
Mid-Point – The hero follows the mercenary to the HQ of the villain.
M4: the hero finds the kid, but must rely on the girl to get him safely out of the HQ.
Trap/Trick – the hero’s colleague leads him into a trap.
V4: the villain sends 20 men to kill the hero.
A4: the hero fights the men, but ultimately loses the battle.
V5: the villain appears and tortures the hero.
M5: left alone, near death, the hero escapes with the help of the boy.
Escape – the hero is able to get away with the boy.
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2 – the villain captures the girl before she can escape and kills her in front of the hero.
M6: the hero finds where the girl put the young boy but is devastated at her loss because it reminds him of losing his daughter.
Crisis – the hero must decide if he is going to go on or cut his losses and go home.
M7: the hero finds a safe place for the boy to stay while he goes back to finish the job.
A5: the hero must get through the villain’s mercenaries to find the villain.
V5: the villain tries to make her escape.
Climax –He tracks her down and they go face to face.
A6: the hero and the villain have a showdown. The hero ultimately wins.
M8: the hero goes back to the boy and they make their way out of Thailand.
Resolution – the hero is back at home with his grandson, telling him about his mother.
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Renee’s Likability/Empathy/Justification
What I learned doing this assignment how important it is to make the hero likable and how to make the audience care about their journey.
LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY
A. He’s a highly respected retired FBI agent.
B. Watched his marriage fall apart after his daughter’s death.
C. He’s trying to shut down a large human trafficking ring.
D. He’s trying to save a young boy that might be his grandson.
E. Trying to save more young people from the horrors of human trafficking.
EMPATHY / DISTRESS
A. His daughter was kidnapped and eventually killed by a human trafficking ring.
B. Extreme emotional loss with his daughter’s death.
C. He is forced to choose between his life and the life of a young boy.
D. His daughter’s possible son is a victim of the same human trafficking ring.
JUSTIFICATION
A. His daughter was killed.
B. The leader of the human trafficking ring thinks they are untouchable.
c. Lost his daughter and wife as a result of his daughter’s death.
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Renee’s Story Map
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create a quick outline that includes all the major parts of the story without adding extra things that don’t move the story forward.
Opening – A flashback of the hero watching his daughter die at the hands of human traffickers.
Inciting Incident – the hero gets a phone call from an associate informing him that the traffickers that kidnapped and killed his daughter have popped back up in Thailand.
M1: He goes to Thailand undercover to try and shut down the human trafficking ring that was responsible for his daughter’s death.
A1: the hero must enter the traffickers’ den completely unarmed.
V1: the villain recognizes him but can’t place him.
First Turning Point at end of Act 1 – while the hero is undercover, he is shown a young boy to bid on who looks exactly like the hero’s dead daughter.
V2: the villain sends a different child to the hero’s hotel room.
M2: the hero makes plans with the girl, who used to be friends with his daughter, to rescue the boy and get out of Thailand.
V3: the villain realizes who the hero is and sends a group of mercenaries to the hotel room to kill the hero.
A2: the hero and the girl kill all but one of the mercenaries.
M3: the hero decides the mercenary can lead them to the boy.
A3: the hero and the girl steal a car and chase the lone mercenary through the city.
Mid-Point – The hero follows the mercenary to the HQ of the villain.
M4: the hero finds the kid, but must rely on the girl to get him safely out of the HQ.
V4: the villain sends 20 men to kill the hero.
A4: the hero fights the men, but ultimately loses the battle.
V5: the villain appears and tortures the hero.
M5: left alone, near death, the hero escapes with the help of the girl.
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2 – the villain captures the girl before she can escape and kills her in front of the hero.
M6: the hero finds where the girl put the young boy but is devastated at her loss because it reminds him of losing his daughter.
Crisis – the hero must decide if he is going to go on or cut his losses and go home.
M7: the hero finds a safe place for the boy to stay while he goes back to finish the job.
A5: the hero must get through the villain’s mercenaries to find the villain.
V5: the villain tries to make her escape.
Climax –He tracks her down and they go face to face.
A6: the hero and the villain have a showdown. The hero ultimately wins.
M8: the hero goes back to the boy and they make their way out of Thailand.
Resolution – the hero is back at home with his grandson, telling him about his mother.
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Renee’s Action Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to figure out the structure of your film before you start writing.
Opening – A flashback of the hero watching his daughter die at the hands of human traffickers.
Inciting Incident – the hero gets a phone call from an associated informing him that the traffickers that kidnapped and killed his daughter has popped back up in Thailand.
First Turning Point at end of Act 1 – while the hero is undercover, he is shown a young boy to bid on who looks exactly like the hero’s dead daughter.
Mid-Point – the villain sends a different girl to the hero’s hotel room. The girl that is sent in his place was friends with the hero’s daughter. They make a plan to rescue the boy and get out of Thailand.
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2 – the hero is captured and tortured.
Crisis – the hero must decide if he is going to go on or cut his losses and go home.
Climax – the hero must defeat the henchmen to get to the villain. He tracks her down and they go face to face.
Resolution – the hero is back at home with his grandson, telling him about his mother.
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Renee’s Villain Track
What I learned doing this assignment is that creating the villain track is just as important as creating the hero’s track.
A. What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero? The plan could be pre-existing or created on the spot.
The plan is created on the spot when the hero shows up at one of their “human” auctions.
B. How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?
Sends a different “slave” to the room. Sends a 20 man hit team. Kidnaps the hero. Brings the corrupt police into the mix. Kills another “slave” that helps him. Hides the kid he’s trying to save. Engages him in a fight and tries to kill him.
C. What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this movie?
As the leader of an international human trafficking ring he has thousands of people at his disposal. He has bribed the local police, and the Thai government tends to turn a blind eye to the problem because they’ve been paid off/blackmailed into silence.
D. What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain where they pay for what they’ve done?
The leader is killed, and the ring is disbanded.
2. Include labels with each step of their plan.
Villain: a head of an international human trafficking ring.
Hero: former special forces operative and retired FBI agent.
In the moment plan: The villain’s plan is conceived the moment the Hero shows up at one of their auction events. From that point on he takes action to protect his investments and eliminate the threat.
Suspicion: the villain recognizes the hero from somewhere, but can’t place him.
Switch: villain sends a different “product” to the hero’s motel room to see how the hero reacts.
Decision: realizes who the hero is and sends a group of men to kidnap him.
Plan: hides the “product” away in a secure location guarded by dozens of heavily armed men.
Capture: captures the hero and tortures him. The hero kills everyone and grabs the “product”
Retaliation: kills the woman who has been helping the hero.
Escape: flees the country in a high speed boat.
Fitting ending: dies at sea (not sure how yet.)
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Renee’s Villain Track
What I learned doing this assignment is that creating the villain track is just as important as creating the hero’s track.
A. What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero? The plan could be pre-existing or created on the spot.
The plan is created on the spot when the hero shows up at one of their “human” auctions.
B. How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?
Sends a different “slave” to the room. Sends a 20 man hit team. Kidnaps the hero. Brings the corrupt police into the mix. Kills another “slave” that helps him. Hides the kid he’s trying to save. Engages him in a fight and tries to kill him.
C. What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this movie?
As the leader of an international human trafficking ring he has thousands of people at his disposal. He has bribed the local police, and the Thai government tends to turn a blind eye to the problem because they’ve been paid off/blackmailed into silence.
D. What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain where they pay for what they’ve done?
The leader is killed, and the ring is disbanded.
2. Include labels with each step of their plan.
Villain: a head of an international human trafficking ring.
Hero: former special forces operative and retired FBI agent.
In the moment plan: The villain’s plan is conceived the moment the Hero shows up at one of their auction events. From that point on he takes action to protect his investments and eliminate the threat.
Suspicion: the villain recognizes the hero from somewhere, but can’t place him.
Switch: villain sends a different “product” to the hero’s motel room to see how the hero reacts.
Decision: realizes who the hero is and sends a group of men to kidnap him.
Plan: hides the “product” away in a secure location guarded by dozens of heavily armed men.
Capture: captures the hero and tortures him. The hero kills everyone and grabs the “product”
Retaliation: kills the woman who has been helping the hero.
Escape: flees the country in a high speed boat.
Fitting ending: dies at sea (not sure how yet.)
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Renee’s Hero’s Mission Track
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about action movies in terms of setting up the mission.
Ask the Mission Track questions to discover your Hero’s mission.
A. What is it about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds?
He’s a former special forces operative and a retired FBI agent.
B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal?
One person up against a corrupt Thai government and mob.
C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero?
Internal: he wasn’t able to save his daughter from human trafficking
External: the child he is trying to save might be his grandson.
D. Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain?
He has to go into the fray unarmed, he is shown a young boy that looks just like his dead daughter, He has to try and free the boy. He goes into hiding. He is chased by the Thai mob, police, and government, while trying to keep the boy safe and escape. His cover is blown and his colleagues go dark. He must survive with no outside help.
2. Use the Mission Steps to outline the mission.
Clear Mission: To try and shut down a Thai sex trafficking ring while protecting a young boy that could be his grandson.
• Motivation: he wasn’t able to save his daughter from a human trafficking ring, so he goes into Thailand to try and save as many other children from the same fate as he can.
• Inciting Incident: When he is presented with a number of children to bid on, one boy stands out as the spitting image of his deceased daughter.
• First Action: bid on the boy in an effort to get him out.
• Obstacle: the ring leader become suspicious of the hero and sends a different child to the hotel room.
• Escalation: the ring leader sends a group of thugs to kidnap the hero and bring him back for questioning.
• Overwhelming Odds: the hero is trapped and surrounded by 20 thugs with weapons.
• New Plan: find the kid and hide.
• Full out Attack: leave the kid in a safe and secure place (with a new helper?) and find the leader, fight him, kill him.
• Success: With the leader dead, the ring breaks up, and the hero returns to the kid and they leave Thailand.
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Renee’s Heroes and Villains
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to think about how the villain can challenge the hero to make things more interesting.
Title: Saving Isaiah
Concept:
Hero Morally Right: Destroy a child sex trafficking ring in Thailand.
Villain Morally Wrong: kidnapping and forcing children in to sex trafficking.
Hero: retired FBI agent
A. Unique skill set: Former green beret and retired FBI agent
B. Motivation: he doesn’t want anyone else to suffer the pain and loss that he has.
C. Secret or Wound: He was unable to save his daughter from a sex trafficking operation, and his wife left him.
Villain: head of the Thai sex trafficking ring
A. Unbeatable: the ring leader has the Thai police and government in his back pocket.
B. Plan/Goal: The only way he will let the hero leave Thailand is in a body bag.
C. What they lose if Hero survives: They will lose their multi-billion dollar empire.
Impossible Mission: to save a young boy and escape Thailand
A. Puts Hero in Action: He is called to go undercover in Thailand as a potential buyer.
B. Demands they go beyond their best: Not only does he have to take on the gang their leader, but has to evade the police and other government officials to escape.
C. Destroy the Villain: Destroy the sex trafficking ring and kill the leader.
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Renee’s Action Track
What I learned doing this assignment is
Answer the Action Questions:
A. Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up in this movie?
• Hand to hand combat
• Guns
• Cars
B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track?
• Car chases
• Fights
• Shootouts
• Torture
• Escape/evade
• Rescue
C. How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a climax in the 3rd Act?
Starts with small confrontations and escalates to all-out warfare between the hero and the villain.
Sequence the action scenes to deliver your story. Give us your list of action scenes and the purpose of each scene.
1. Dangerous Situation: the hero must enter the villain’s “den” completely unarmed.
Purpose: Sets up how dangerous this world is.
2. Failed Rescue: the villain swaps out the “product” on the hero.
Purpose:
3. Chase/Pursuit: the hero goes in pursuit of the “product” (high-speed car chase)
4. Fight: the hero follows the villain’s henchmen and gets into a fight with a dozen of them trying to stop him.
5. Capture: the hero is captured by the villain
6. Interrogation: the villain interrogates the hero but the hero doesn’t provide answers.
7. Torture: the villain resorts to torturing the hero for answers
8. Escape: the villain gets angry and orders the hero’s death. The hero escapes/killing those sent to kill him.
9. Rescue: the hero finds the “product” and escapes.
10. Pursuit: the hero is now being pursued by the corrupt police
11. Escape: the villain escapes
12. Pursuit: the hero pursues the villain.
13. Fight: the hero and villain have their last stand.
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Renee’s Villain Track
What I learned doing this assignment is
A. What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero? The plan could be pre-existing or created on the spot.
The plan is created on the spot when the hero shows up at one of their “human” auctions.
B. How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?
Sends a different “slave” to the room. Sends a 20 man hit team. Kidnaps the hero. Brings the corrupt police into the mix. Kills another “slave” that helps him. Hides the kid he’s trying to save. Engages him in a fight and tries to kill him.
C. What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this movie?
As the leader of an international human trafficking ring he has thousands of people at his disposal. He has bribed the local police, and the Thai government tends to turn a blind eye to the problem because they’ve been paid off/blackmailed into silence.
D. What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain where they pay for what they’ve done?
The leader is killed, and the ring is disbanded.
2. Include labels with each step of their plan.
Villain: the head of an international human trafficking ring.
Hero: former special forces operative and retired FBI agent.
In the moment plan: The villain’s plan is conceived the moment the Hero shows up at one of their auction events. From that point on he takes action to protect his investments and eliminate the threat.
Suspicion: the villain recognizes the hero from somewhere, but can’t place him.
Switch: villain sends a different “product” to the hero’s motel room to see how the hero reacts.
Decision: realizes who the hero is and sends a group of men to kidnap him.
Plan: hides the “product” away in a secure location guarded by dozens of heavily armed men.
Capture: captures the hero and tortures him. The hero kills everyone and grabs the “product”
Retaliation: kills the woman who has been helping the hero.
Escape: flees the country in a high-speed boat.
Fitting end: dies at sea (not sure how yet.)
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Renee’s Hero’s Mission Track
What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about action movies in terms of setting up the mission.
Ask the Mission Track questions to discover your Hero’s mission.
A. What is it about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds?
He’s a former special forces operative and a retired FBI agent.
B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal?
One person up against a corrupt Thai government and mob.
C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero?
Internal: he wasn’t able to save his daughter from human trafficking
External: the child he is trying to save might be his grandson.
D. Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain?
He has to go into the fray unarmed, he is shown a young boy that looks just like his dead daughter, He has to try and free the boy. He goes into hiding. He is chased by the Thai mob, police, and government, while trying to keep the boy safe and escape. His cover is blown and his colleagues go dark. He must survive with no outside help.
2. Use the Mission Steps to outline the mission.
Clear Mission: To try and shut down a Thai sex trafficking ring while protecting a young boy that could be his grandson.
• Motivation: he wasn’t able to save his daughter from a human trafficking ring, so he goes into Thailand to try and save as many other children from the same fate as he can.
• Inciting Incident: When he is presented with a number of children to bid on, one boy stands out as the spitting image of his deceased daughter.
• First Action: bid on the boy in an effort to get him out.
• Obstacle: the ring leader become suspicious of the hero and sends a different child to the hotel room.
• Escalation: the ring leader sends a group of thugs to kidnap the hero and bring him back for questioning.
• Overwhelming Odds: the hero is trapped and surrounded by 20 thugs with weapons.
• New Plan: find the kid and hide.
• Full out Attack: leave the kid in a safe and secure place (with new helper?) and find the leader, fight him, kill him.
• Success: With the leader dead, the ring breaks up, and the hero returns to the kid and they leave Thailand.
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Renee’s Heroes and Villains
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to think about how the villain can challenge the hero to make things more interesting.
Title: Saving Isaiah
Concept:
Hero Morally Right: Destroy a child sex trafficking ring in Thailand.
Villain Morally Wrong: kidnapping and forcing children into sex trafficking.
Hero: retired FBI agent
A. Unique skillset: Former green beret and retired FBI agent
B. Motivation: he doesn’t want anyone else to suffer the pain and loss that he has.
C. Secret or Wound: He was unable to save his daughter from a sex trafficking operation, and his wife left him.
Villain: head of the Thai sex trafficking ring
A. Unbeatable: the ring leader has the Thai police and government in his back pocket.
B. Plan/Goal: The only way he will let the hero leave Thailand is in a body bag.
C. What they lose if Hero survives: They will lose their multi-billion dollar empire.
Impossible Mission: to save a young boy and escape Thailand
A. Puts Hero in Action: He is called to go undercover in Thailand as a potential buyer.
B. Demands they go beyond their best: Not only does he have to take on the gang their leader, but has to evade the police and other government officials to escape.
C. Destroy the Villain: Destroy the sex trafficking ring and kill the leader.
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Renee’s Conventions
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to think about and include the action conventions in every decision you make when writing your script.
Title: Saving Isaiah
Concept: A former FBI agent travels to Thailand in an attempt to expose the seedy, underground world of sex trafficking and save a young boy.
Conventions
Hero: an former FBI agent
Demand for Action: to bust up a sex trafficking ring in Thailand.
Mission: to save as many children from Thailand’s seedy, underground sex trafficking industry.
Antagonist: the people running the sex trafficking ring.
Escalating Action: he must escape the sex traffickers, a corrupt police force & government and make his way out of Thailand.
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Renee Miller – I agree to the terms of this release form
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video, or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Renee Miller.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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Renee Miller
I’ve written four scripts, 2 horror, and 2 thriller.
I want to improve my action scenes.
I was a Junior Olympic Archer in my youth.
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Renee’s Act 2 Reaction TP 1
What I learned doing this assignment is when I don’t think about things too much, I can quickly write a scene. While it might not be the best scene or the best writing, it is something that I can work with.
INT. CAFÉ – DAY
Mia is at the front counter taking a customer’s order.
MIA
Alright, I have a large extra double-shot vanilla mocha, a medium chai latte, and two bear claws. Is that correct?
CUSTOMER
You got it.
MIA
Alright, that will be $18.47.
The customer pays and moves to the end of the counter. Mia opens the pastry case and pulls out the bear claws and hands them to the customer. Brittany is busy making the drinks.
The front door opens, and a DELIVERY PERSON walks in carrying a large vase of beautiful flowers. He approaches the counter and sets the vase down. Mia approaches him.
MIA
Can I help you?
DELIVERY PERSON
Yeah, I have a delivery for Mia Roberts?
MIA
That’s me. Who are they from?
The delivery person looks at his clipboard.
DELIVERY PERSON
Doesn’t say. Can you sign here, please?
He hands Mia his clipboard and pen. Mia takes it and signs her name, and hands back the clipboard.
DELIVERY PERSON
Thanks. Have a great day!
MIA
Thank you.
Brittany spots the flowers from across the room and makes a beeline to Mia.
BRITTANY
Who are those for?
MIA
Apparently, me.
BRITTANY
Who are they from?
MIA
No idea. Wait, here’s a card.
Mia reaches into the middle of the flowers and pulls out a small white envelope. She opens it and pulls out the card. She frowns.
BRITTANY
Well, who is it from?
MIA
It doesn’t say.
Brittany snatches the card out of Mia’s hand.
BRITTANY
Do you think about me as much as I think about you? That is so sweet. I bet it’s from that hot guy that was in here the other day looking for you. What was his name again?
MIA
Ian.
BRITTANY
Ian, that’s right. Didn’t you go on a date with him?
MIA
Yeah, he took me to Bella Trattoria.
BRITTANY
Ohh, fancy.
MIA
I felt so out of place. But the food was delicious.
BRITTANY
I’ve never been, but I’ve heard nothing but fantastic things about the place. So . . .
MIA
So, what?
BRITTANY
Are you going to see him again?
MIA
I don’t know, I haven’t heard from him.
BRITTANY
You haven’t heard from him? It’s been more than three days. Did something bad happen during the date? Did you have lettuce stuck in your teeth? That can be a real turn off for some guys. Did you spend the entire time talking about yourself?
MIA
No, the date was fine. We talked and we laughed, and we even kissed.
BRITTANY
You kissed! Maybe you’re a bad kisser.
MIA
I’m not a bad kisser.
BRITTANY
How do you know?
The front door opens and a customer walks up to the counter.
MIA
I should get back to work. I don’t need to give Gretchen any more reasons to lecture me. And you have an order up.
Brittany sighs.
BRITTANY
Don’t think this discussion is over.
Mia rolls her eyes and turns to the customer. Brittany bounces back to the pickup window.
MIA
Good morning.
-
Renee’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that when I don’t focus on getting everything perfect I can write a lot faster and turn out more pages.
INT. CAFÉ – DAY
LONNIE MARINO, 25 stands behind the counter restocking various items. The dining area is abuzz with PEOPLE. Two young SERVERS rush back and forth from the back to the tables.
The front door opens and Mia limps in. She hobbles behind the counter and places her bag in a cupboard. She grabs her apron and places it over her head.
LONNIE
You’re late.
MIA
I know. Is Gretchen mad?
Lonnie looks over and sees Mia’s hand.
LONNIE
Jesus. What happened.
He rushes over and takes her hand, examining it.
MIA
That’s the reason I’m late.
LONNIE
Well, you can’t work with your hand bleeding everywhere. Go sit.
Mia hobbles over to an open table and sits down. Lonnie runs into the back. A few seconds later he returns with a first aid kit.
He pulls out a chair and sits in front of Mia. He opens the first aid kit and pulls out a roll of gauze, some Neosporin, and some tape.
MIA
I think I scraped my knee too.
She reaches down and pulls up her pant legs. There’s a small gash on her knee and a tiny trickle of blood running down her leg.
LONNIE
How’d this happen?
Lonnie takes out an alcohol patch and cleans Mia’s knee before bandaging it.
MIA
I was running down the street so I wouldn’t be late but wasn’t paying attention and ran straight into some guy.
He grabs her hand and turns it over. It uses tweezers to get the small pebbles out of her palm, wipes it clean with an alcohol wipe, and wraps gaze around the injury.
LONNIE
Well, let’s hope Gretchen is sympathetic.
Mia scoffs.
MIA
Doubtful.
The door leading to the kitchen opens up and GRETCHEN PETROVA, 50s, stalks out. She spots Lonnie and Mia and marches over to them.
GRETCHEN
Mia, I need to see you in my office.
Gretchen looks down at Mia’s hand, then looks at Lonnie.
GRETCHEN
Make sure you clean everything up. And hurry, I don’t need any customers complaining about unsanitary conditions.
LONNIE
Yes, ma’am.Gretchen turns on her heel and marches into the back. Mia sighs. She stands up and hobbles after her.
LONNIE
Good luck.
Mia disappears into the back, leaving Lonnie to clean up the mess.
INT. BACK OFFICE – DAY
Mia enters the office. Gretchen sits behind a gigantic desk, hands folded in front of her.
GRETCHEN
Have a seat, Mia.
Mia hobbles over and sits across from Gretchen.
GRETCHEN
I hired you because I felt that not only would you be a great asset to my team, but because I felt you were more responsible than the other students your age.
MIA
Yes, ma’am.
GRETCHEN
However, you are less than one month on the job and you are already late. Do you know what kind of stress you put on the rest of the team here when you are tardy?
MIA
Yes, ma’am.
GRETCHEN
When you do not show up on time, it puts a heavy burden on your co-workers. They must pick up the slack and work twice as hard.
MIA
I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again.
GRETCHEN
Very well. Since this is your first infraction, you are getting a verbal warning. If you should be late again, I will have no choice but to write you up. Am I making myself clear?
MIA
Yes, ma’am.
GRETCHEN
Good. Now, get back out on the floor, our second rush is coming up.
Mia gets up from the chair and hobbles out of the office.
INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Mia sits across from Ian, nervously eating the breadsticks in front of her. Ian smiles at her.
IAN
So, how do you like working at Reveille Coffee Company?
MIA
It’s good.
IAN
Do you like your co-workers?
MIA
Yeah, most of them.
IAN
So, do you take classes in the afternoon?
MIA
For the most part.
Ian looks around the restaurant at the other COUPLES, leaning close to each other, holding hands, whispering. He sighs.
IAN
Will you excuse me for a minute? I need to use the restroom.
MIA
Sure.
Ian gets up and disappears to the back. Mia takes a drink of water and grabs another breadstick.
The SERVER comes up with a pitcher of water.
SERVER
Your food will be out in a minute. Would you like some more water?
MIA
Yes, please.
She pours more water into Mia’s cup.
SERVER
Is there anything else I can get you?
MIA
If you have something to get rid of nerves, that would be fantastic.The server chuckles.
SERVER
First date?
MIA
Yeah, and I think I’m blowing it.
SERVER
The best advice I ever got was to just be yourself. If he likes you, he likes you, if not, there are plenty of other guys who would die to take you out.
MIA
I doubt it. But thanks.
SERVER
Oh, here he comes. Just ask him something about himself. Guys tend to like to talk about themselves, especially if it involves playing sports.
Mia smiles.
IAN
Approaches the table and sits down.
SERVER
Is there anything you need?
IAN
No, I’m good.
SERVER
Alright, I’ll leave you to it. Your food should be out shortly.
IAN
Thanks.
PLACEHOLDER – Their dinner conversation will continue for a bit more after this.
-
Renee’s Turning Point 1 Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is my Act 1 turning point. I was torn between two scenes, but this lesson helped me decide which one would be a better turning point for my protagonist.
EXT. MIA’S APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT
Ian and Mia stroll down the street, neither in any hurry for the date to end. They reach Mia’s building and stop.
IAN
I had a really nice time tonight.
MIA
I did too. That shellfish risotto was to die for, and don’t even get me started on white chocolate bread pudding.
IAN
I’m glad you liked it.
MIA
Like it? I loved it! I am stuffed.
Ian chuckles.
IAN
I can’t believe you ate that much. Most girls would just order a salad and pick at it all night.
MIA
Yeah, Breanna kept telling me not to eat as much as I usually do, but I couldn’t help myself. I was so hungry.
IAN
I could tell. I’d really like to see you again.
MIA
I’d like that too.
IAN
Same time next week?
MIA
That should be fine. I’ll let you know if I need to reschedule.
IAN
Great.
There’s a slightly awkward pause, then Ian leans down and kisses Mia. The kiss doesn’t last long. Mia is the first to break contact. She leans back and looks him in the eyes.
MIA
I’ll talk to you later.
IAN
Definitely.
Mia pulls her keys out of her purse and disappears inside. Ian watches her get on the elevator, then turns and strolls back down the street.
-
Renee’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is when you create an outline first for each scene it is much easier to get the first draft of the scene down on paper.
2<sup>nd</sup> Main Character Introduction
EXT. STREET – DAY
Mia hurries along the street. She weaves between PEOPLE. Ahead of her is a large gaggle of WOMEN loaded down with shopping bags.
Mia swerves to the left but doesn’t clear the gap and bumps into one of the women. She turns and continues to hurry down the street backward.
MIA
I’m so sorry.
IAN LAWSON, 23, steps out of a doorway and onto the sidewalk, right in front of Mia. Mia turns around and smacks right into Ian, falling to the ground.
IAN
Oh shit! Are you alright?
Mia shakes her head and rolls over onto her butt. Ian crouches down.
IAN
I am so sorry. I didn’t see you.
MIA
It was my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going.
Ian stands tall and offers his hand to Mia. She looks up and smiles, grabbing his hand. He hauls her to her feet.
MIA
Thanks.
Mia brushes off her pants. She winces. She looks at her hand, it is bleeding, several small rocks are embedded in her palm.
IAN
Oh, man. You better get that cleaned up. I have some hydrogen peroxide and bandages in my apartment. It would only take me a few seconds to run up and get them.
MIA
That’s alright. I’m running late as it is. Besides they have all that first aid kit at my work. But thank you.
IAN
Sure. Are you sure you’re alright?
MIA
Absolutely. I gotta go.
Mia turns and limps down the street.
IAN
Have a good rest of your day.
Mia gives him a half-wave as she disappears around the corner. Ian watches her for a second more. He shakes his head and walks off in the opposite direction.
Inciting Incident
INT. CAFÉ – DAY
Lonnie is at the front of the café bussing a table. He loads the dirty dishes into a tray and wipes down the table and chairs. A bell chimes as the front door opens.
Ian steps inside and looks around. He strides up to the counter and is greeted by BRITTANY JACOBSEN, 20, a bubbly blonde, who will probably still be working at the café on her fortieth birthday.
BRITTANY
Welcome to the Reveille Coffee Company. How may I serve you?
Ian looks around the café again. Lonnie finishes cleaning the table and makes his way back to the counter. He places the tray of dirty dishes under the counter.
IAN
Well, I’m looking for a woman that I think works here.
BRITTANY
What’s her name?
IAN
That’s the problem I didn’t catch her name.
BRITTANY
Well, can you describe her?
IAN
She’s about yea high, brown hair, olive complexion.
BRITTANY
That sounds like Mia. She’s in the back. I’ll go get her for you.
Brittany bounds to the back and disappears. Lonnie walks up and starts wiping down the counter.
LONNIE
What do you want with Mia?
IAN
I just want to apologize again for knocking her over this morning.
LONNIE
So, you’re the guy that hurt her.
IAN
Well, she kind of ran into me and fell. So, technically she did it to herself.
The door behind the counter swings out and Mia walks through, with Brittany close behind. She sees Ian and stops. Brittany runs into her.
BRITTANY
Hey, what’s the big deal.
MIA
Sorry
Mia shakes her head and walks to where Ian stands. Brittany follows but busies herself at the pastry case, eavesdropping.
MIA
What are you doing here?
IAN
Well, I came to apologize again and see how you’re doing.
MIA
Well, other than the giant lecture from my boss for being late, I’m good.
IAN
How’s the hand?
Ian reaches forward and takes Mia’s hand in his. Brittany gasps. Ian looks over Mia’s shoulder at Brittany, who quickly grabs a set of tongs and starts placing new pastries in the case. He turns back and examines Mia’s bandage.
IAN
Someone did a really nice job of bandaging this up for you.
MIA
Lonnie helped me.
She turns and looks at Lonnie as he wipes down the front of the pastry display case.
IAN
I’m glad Lonnie was here to help.
Mia turns back to him and removes her hand from his. Her cheeks are flush.
MIA
Did you want some coffee?
IAN
Sure, I’ll take a large Americano.
MIA
Okay.
Mia rings up the order in the register and takes his cash. Brittany makes the drink before placing a lid on the cup and bringing it to Ian.
Ian takes a sip and smiles. He nods at Brittany.
IAN
That is one good Americano.
Brittany giggles. Ian turns his attention back to Mia.
IAN
So, I didn’t just come here to check on you and get some coffee.
MIA
You didn’t?
IAN
No. I actually want to see if you’d like to have dinner with me sometime. A sort of apology for causing you pain.
MIA
But you already apologized.
IAN
You got me. I really just want to take you out to dinner. Saturday night?
Mia looks down at the counter. Brittany looks from Ian to Mia.
BRITTANY
She’d love to.
Mia turns and gives Brittany an incredulous look. She turns back to Ian and smiles.
MIA
I’ll have to check my schedule, but here’s my number.
She reaches for a pen and a napkin and scribbles down her name and phone number. She hands it to him.
MIA
Give me a call in a couple of days and I’ll let you know if I’m free on Saturday.
IAN
Great. I’m Ian by the way. It’s nice to meet you.
MIA
It was nice to meet you too.
Ian smiles at her. He grabs his coffee and walks out the door.
BRITTANY
Oh my god! You are so lucky. He is so hot.
LONNIE
He’s not that hot.
BRITTANY
You’re just jealous.
Mia smiles as she watches Ian disappear down the street.
Character’s response to the Inciting Incident
INT. MIA’s BEDROOM – NIGHT
Mia stands in front of her closet staring at her limited wardrobe of black sweatshirts, black jeans, white t-shirts, and dark blue work polos. She sighs.
There’s a knock on her door.
MIA
Come on in Breanna.
The door opens, and BREANNA HANNIGAN, 24, waltzes into the room. She’s wearing a loose tank top and shorts that barely cover her legs that go on for miles. She’s carrying a bright pink, slinky dress and a pair of matching shoes.
BREANNA
I thought you could use some help.
Breanna throws the dress and shoes on the bed.
MIA
There’s no way that is going to fit me.
BREANNA
The only difference between us is our height. So, it will hit a little lower on your legs.
Mia rolls her eyes. Breanna grabs Mia by the shoulders and directs her to her desk and shoves her into the chair.
BREANNA
Now, what are we going to do with your hair? I was thinking a simple updo.
Breanna grabs the bulk of Mia’s hair and holds it to the top of her head. She stands in front of Mia and tilts her head.
BREANNA
Perfect. With the right necklace, you can highlight your neck.
She lets Mia’s hair fall back around her shoulders.
BREANNA
I’ll be right back. Don’t move.
Breanna strides out of the room, leaving Mia to look at the dress on the bed.
Breanna quickly returns, hands full of hair and makeup tools. She sets them on the desk in front of Mia.
BREANNA
I can’t believe my little Mia is going on a date, with . . . what’s his name again?
MIA
Ian.
BREANNA
Right, Ian. Aren’t you excited?
MIA
Nervous is more like it. I’ve never been on a real date before. I’m not sure I know what to do.
Breanna steps behind Mia with a brush and a dozen or so bobby pins hanging from her mouth.
BREANNA
You’ve never been on a date before.
MIA
My foster mom made me go to prom with her son. But I don’t really think that counts as a date since we lived in the same house.
Breanna starts to run the brush through Mia’s hair, gathering it up in one hand.
BREANNA
That’s so sad.
Breanna twists Mia’s hair and starts pinning it to her head.
BREANNA
Now you can’t tell me none of those hottie art students in your figure drawing class haven’t been interested.
MIA
I don’t know. I tend to keep to myself.
BREANNA
Well, that is all about to change tonight.
Breanna holds up a mirror and lets Mia see her hair. Mia gives a tentative smile.
BREANNA
Now, let’s move on to your makeup.
MIA
I don’t know. I don’t typically wear makeup; don’t I want him to see the real me.
BREANNA
Oh, darling. Don’t be silly. You only want to show him the real you after you’ve made him fall in love. Then it’s harder for him to leave.
MIA
Isn’t that a bit dishonest?
BREANNA
No. It’s just the way of things. The guys know it, the girls know it. It’s just the way things work.
Mia takes a deep breath and sighs. She tilts her head up to Breanna and closes her eyes.
BREANNA
That’s my girl.
Breanna does quick work of Mia’s makeup and before she knows it Breanna is pulling her up from the chair and pulling her shirt over her head.
BREANNA
Now, let’s get this dress on you.
Mia takes her pants off and lets Breanna put the dress over her head. The dress fits Mia snuggly in all the right places, accentuating her curves. Mia looks down and groans.
MIA
Don’t you have something that will cover . . .
Mia motions to her chest.
MIA
These a bit more.
BREANNA
Nonsense. You want to highlight those puppies.
There’s a knock at the door. Breanna looks down at her watch.
BREANNA
He’s early. That’s a plus. Why don’t you get your feet into those shoes, and I’ll go greet your gentleman caller?
MIA
Please don’t call him that.
Breanna laughs and disappears out the door. Mia sighs and sits on the bed.
BREANNA (O.S)
Hello. You must be Ian. Come in, come in. Mia’s just putting on some finishing touches, she’ll be out in just a moment.
Mia straps on the shoes and stands on shaky legs. She takes one last look at herself in the mirror, grabs her purse, and walks out the door.
-
Renee’s Act I Opening Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is that taking a few minutes to outline what will happen in a scene makes it easier to quickly write the scene.
EXT. PARK – DAY
MIA ROBERTS, 19 slouches on a park bench overlooking the San Francisco Bay. The Golden Gate Bridge is barely visible through the dense fog, the sun hours from punching through the thick clouds blanketing the bay.
A sketchbook sits in her lap, a charcoal pencil is gripped tight in her right hand as it flies across the page. Every few seconds her head whips up before bowing back down.
An older MAN and WOMAN in their late 60s stroll up the path, arm in arm, leaning into one another as if they are sharing a secret.
Mia looks up and smiles. Her eyes track the couple as they stroll past her. She sighs. She glances at her watch.
MIA
Shit
She hurries to put her sketchbook and pencil in the messenger bag sitting next to her. She looks down and spots a blooming dandelion. She bends down a plucks it from the ground. She closes her eyes.
MIA
I wish I could find the kind of love that lasts a lifetime.
She opens her eyes and blows. She smiles as the white seeds drift into the air. She sighs and takes off down the path.
-
Renee’s High-Speed Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is important to include your antagonist’s journey in your beat sheet, as well as your theme. I think I did a good job on the first round of including both.
1. EXT. SF BAY PARK – DAY
Mia sits on a bench sketching what’s in front of her. She watches an older couple walk by arm in arm. She spots a dandelion and makes a wish to find love.
2. EXT. STREET – DAY
Mia hurries to work when a man, Ian, steps out a doorway and runs into her, knocking her to the ground. He helps her up and watches her as she runs down the sidewalk.
3. INT. BACK OFFICE – DAY
Mia sits with her hands in her lap and her head down. Her boss is lecturing her on her responsibilities and writes her up for being late.
4. INT. CAFÉ/COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Mia stands at the coffee machine, filling a cup for a customer, Lonnie is next to her wiping the counter down and talking to her. Someone taps on the counter; Mia turns around and it’s the guy she ran into earlier. He asks her out on a date.
5. INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Mia is in her apartment getting ready for her date. Her roommate Breanna is helping her get dressed, do her hair and her makeup. Breanna hints at bringing Mia to the club with her sometime.
6. INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Mia is sitting across from Ian. They are talking and laughing, getting to know one another. Mia is having a really good time.
7. EXT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Ian walks Mia up to her door. He asks if he can see her again. She says yes. They kiss.
8. INT. CAFÉ/COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Mia is at work. A delivery person comes in with a large bouquet of flowers for her. The card simply says from a secret admirer. Lonnie asks who they’re from, she guesses they are from Ian.
9. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Mia sits behind a painting easel. A teacher walks around examining each student painting. She comes to Mia and admires the work she’s doing. It’s a painting of the flowers she received earlier.
10. INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Mia comes into the apartment, flowers in hand, and paint flecks on her face and arms. Breanna gushes over the flowers and wants Mia to come out to the club with her. Mia is initially reluctant but decides to go.
11. INT. CLUB – NIGHT
Mia sits at a table by herself drinking a fruity cocktail. She watches Brianna on the dance floor. Lonnie shows up and sits with Mia.
12. INT. SCHOOL – DAY
Mia is sitting at a table studying, a group of students asks if they can sit with her. She says she was just leaving, and they can have the table. She quickly packs her stuff and leaves.
13. EXT. APARTMENT – DAY
Mia walks up to her door and finds a present sitting on the doormat. She picks it up and looks at it. She unlocks the door and goes inside.
14. INT. APARTMENT – DAY
Mia walks in and reads the card on the present. It’s from a secret admirer. She opens the box and there’s a beautiful silver bracelet inside.
15. INT. CAFÉ/COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Mia is at a table in the corner studying. Lonnie is working but keeps coming over and talking to Mia. Ian comes in and sits down with Mia. She abandons her studying. She thanks him for the present and the flowers. He looks confused but hopes she likes it.
16. INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Ian and Mia are sitting on the couch watching a movie. Breanna comes in and talks with the two while she changes into her clubbing clothes. She leaves again. Ian tells Mia he’d like her to come to a ball game and meet his friends. She politely declines.
17. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Mia talks to Lonnie about Ian and all the sweet things he’s given her. She gets called into the back by her boss.
18. INT. BACK OFFICE – DAY
Mia’s boss is talking to her about her socializing too much at work and that it’s affecting her performance. If she keeps it up, she’ll be written up again. Mia is angry but doesn’t say anything.
19. EXT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Mia walks out the door. Lonnie follows shortly after and calls to her. She stops while he catches up. Lonnie asks if she wants to hang out later. She tells him she can’t she has to go and study.
20. INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Breanna is helping Mia get ready to go out. Mia puts the new bracelet on. Breanna asks her where she got it. Mia said it was from Ian, he left it sitting at the door. Breanna is confused but lets it slide.
21. INT. CLUB – NIGHT
Mia is at the club with Breanna, but this time she’s on the dance floor with her. She’s really enjoying herself. Someone watches her from the back.
22. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Lonnie asks Mia if she was able to get any studying done. She tells him she ended up at the club with Breanna. Lonnie gets angry and walks away. Mia tries to apologize but he ignores her.
23. INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Mia comes in the door to find Breanna lying in a puddle of blood. She calls the police. The police come and take Breanna away and ask Mia to come down to the station for questioning.
24. INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – NIGHT
The police question Mia about Breanna’s death. They think she killed her because she “stole” Ian from her. They show her a video from a club with Breanna and Ian dancing and partying together. This is the first Mia is hearing of this. They don’t get what they want and let Mia leave.
25. EXT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Mia stands outside. Lonnie comes running up and hugs her. She starts to sob. They start walking back to her apartment.
26. EXT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
They reach her apartment, but she can’t go in. Lonnie says he’ll grab what she needs. He disappears inside. He comes out with a bag of Mia’s things. He suggests they go to a diner to eat and figure out where Mia will stay.
27. INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Lonnie sits at a booth alone. The waitress brings two cups of coffee. Mia comes out of the bathroom and sits across from Lonnie. She starts to drink her coffee. She has trouble concentrating. Lonnie pays and helps Mia up.
28. EXT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Lonnie holds Mia up. He calls for an UBER. He loads Mia in and then gets in after her.
29. INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Mia starts to wake up. She tries to move her arms but realizes they are tied to the bed. She struggles with the ropes. Her legs are tied as well. She starts to panic.
30. EXT. APARTMENT – DAY
Two police officers stand at Mia’s door. They think she’s on the run. They put out an APB on her.
31. INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Mia is struggling against her ropes. Lonnie comes in and sits on the bed next to her.
He starts talking to her about how they can be together now and how he’s going to make her so happy.
32. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Two police officers are standing at the counter talking to Mia’s boss. They are asking questions about who she’s friends with if they know where she might go. The boss tells them she was scheduled to work in the morning, but never showed up.
33. INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Mia is alone in the room again. She’s trying to get her hands or feet untied. She can hear Lonnie moving around in the other room. She looks around for anything that can help her.
34. EXT. IAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
The police knock on his door. He answers and lets them in.
35. INT. IAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
The police ask Ian questions about Mia. He tells them he hasn’t seen her since she started ghosting him. He has no idea where she might be.
36. INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Lonnie comes back in the room with some food. He tries to feed Mia, but it isn’t working. She tells him she won’t try to run if he just unties her. He is reluctant at first but agrees. He unties her arms. She sits up and takes the spoon from him and starts to eat.
37. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
One of Mia’s coworkers asks to speak to the officers in charge of Mia’s disappearance. She tells them that they need to find Lonnie. He was obsessed with her. If you find him, she’s sure they’ll find Mia.
38. INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Mia finishes eating. Lonnie goes to tie her back up, but she pleads with him to leave her free. He ties her back up and takes the dishes out of the room. Mia starts to cry.
39. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
The detective assigned to Breanna’s look into Lonnie.
40. INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Mia gets Lonnie to untie her. She plays along with his fantasy of being a couple. She looks for a way out. She realizes Lonnie has the only set of keys on him, she finds a way to knock him unconscious and steal the keys.
EXT. LONNIE’S HOME – DAY
The police pull up in front of the house. The front door opens and Mia stumbles out. Bloody and bruised but otherwise okay. The police storm into the house, guns were drawn.
INT. SCHOOL – DAY
Mia sits in the middle of the couch, surrounded by half a dozen other students. They are talking and laughing. Ian moves into the frame and sits down next to Mia, putting his arm around his shoulder. He kisses her cheek.
-
Renee’s High-Speed Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is that I don’t have to be perfect on the first draft of my beat sheet or my script. This is something that is difficult for me to shake but I will continue to work on it until it is a habit to simply write down the things that come to me and move on if I get stuck.
1. EXT. SF BAY PARK – DAY
Mia sits on a bench sketching what’s in front of her. She watches an older couple walk by arm in arm. She spots a dandelion and makes a wish to find love.
2. EXT. STREET – DAY
Mia hurries to work when a man, Ian, steps out a doorway and runs into her, knocking her to the ground. He helps her up and watches her as she runs down the sidewalk.
3. INT. BACK OFFICE – DAY
Mia sits with her hands in her lap and her head down. Her boss is lecturing her on her responsibilities and writes her up for being late.
4. INT. CAFÉ/COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Mia stands at the coffee machine, filling a cup for a customer, Lonnie is next to her wiping the counter down and talking to her. Someone taps on the counter; Mia turns around and it’s the guy she ran into earlier. He asks her out on a date.
5. INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Mia is in her apartment getting ready for her date. Her roommate Breanna is helping her get dressed, do her hair and her makeup. Breanna hints at bringing Mia to the club with her sometime.
6. INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Mia is sitting across from Ian. They are talking and laughing, getting to know one another. Mia is having a really good time.
7. EXT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Ian walks Mia up to her door. He asks if he can see her again. She says yes. They kiss.
8. INT. CAFÉ/COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Mia is at work. A delivery person comes in with a large bouquet of flowers for her. The card simply says from a secret admirer. Lonnie asks who they’re from, she guesses they are from Ian.
9. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Mia sits behind a painting easel. A teacher walks around examining each student painting. She comes to Mia and admires the work she’s doing. It’s a painting of the flowers she received earlier.
10. INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Mia comes into the apartment, flowers in hand, and paint flecks on her face and arms. Breanna gushes over the flowers and wants Mia to come out to the club with her. Mia is initially reluctant but decides to go.
11. INT. CLUB – NIGHT
Mia sits at a table by herself drinking a fruity cocktail. She watches Brianna on the dance floor. Lonnie shows up and sits with Mia.
12. INT. SCHOOL – DAY
Mia is sitting at a table studying, a group of students asks if they can sit with her. She says she was just leaving, and they can have the table. She quickly packs her stuff and leaves.
13. EXT. APARTMENT – DAY
Mia walks up to her door and finds a present sitting on the doormat. She picks it up and looks at it. She unlocks the door and goes inside.
14. INT. APARTMENT – DAY
Mia walks in and reads the card on the present. It’s from a secret admirer. She opens the box and there’s a beautiful silver bracelet inside.
15. INT. CAFÉ/COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Mia is at a table in the corner studying. Lonnie is working but keeps coming over and talking to Mia. Ian comes in and sits down with Mia. She abandons her studying. She thanks him for the present and the flowers. He looks confused but hopes she likes it.
16. INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Ian and Mia are sitting on the couch watching a movie. Breanna comes in and talks with the two while she changes into her clubbing clothes. She leaves again. Ian tells Mia he’d like her to come to a ball game and meet his friends. She politely declines.
17. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Mia talks to Lonnie about Ian and all the sweet things he’s given her. She gets called into the back by her boss.
18. INT. BACK OFFICE – DAY
Mia’s boss is talking to her about her socializing too much at work and that it’s affecting her performance. If she keeps it up, she’ll be written up again. Mia is angry but doesn’t say anything.
19. EXT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Mia walks out the door. Lonnie follows shortly after and calls to her. She stops while he catches up. Lonnie asks if she wants to hang out later. She tells him she can’t she has to go and study.
20. INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Breanna is helping Mia get ready to go out. Mia puts the new bracelet on. Breanna asks her where she got it. Mia said it was from Ian, he left it sitting at the door. Breanna is confused but lets it slide.
21. INT. CLUB – NIGHT
Mia is at the club with Breanna, but this time she’s on the dance floor with her. She’s really enjoying herself. Someone watches her from the back.
22. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Lonnie asks Mia if she was able to get any studying done. She tells him she ended up at the club with Breanna. Lonnie gets angry and walks away. Mia tries to apologize but he ignores her.
23. INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Mia comes in the door to find Breanna lying in a puddle of blood. She calls the police. The police come and take Breanna away and ask Mia to come down to the station for questioning.
24. INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – NIGHT
The police question Mia about Breanna’s death. They think she killed her because she “stole” Ian from her. They show her a video from a club with Breanna and Ian dancing and partying together. This is the first Mia is hearing of this. They don’t get what they want and let Mia leave.
25. EXT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Mia stands outside. Lonnie comes running up and hugs her. She starts to sob. They start walking back to her apartment.
26. EXT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
They reach her apartment, but she can’t go in. Lonnie says he’ll grab what she needs. He disappears inside. He comes out with a bag of Mia’s things. He suggests they go to a diner to eat and figure out where Mia will stay.
27. INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Lonnie sits at a booth alone. The waitress brings two cups of coffee. Mia comes out of the bathroom and sits across from Lonnie. She starts to drink her coffee. She has trouble concentrating. Lonnie pays and helps Mia up.
28. EXT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Lonnie holds Mia up. He calls for an UBER. He loads Mia in and then gets in after her.
29. INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Mia starts to wake up. She tries to move her arms but realizes they are tied to the bed. She struggles with the ropes. Her legs are tied as well. She starts to panic.
30. EXT. APARTMENT – DAY
Two police officers stand at Mia’s door. They think she’s on the run. They put out an APB on her.
31. INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Mia is struggling against her ropes. Lonnie comes in and sits on the bed next to her.
He starts talking to her about how they can be together now and how he’s going to make her so happy.
32. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Two police officers are standing at the counter talking to Mia’s boss. They are asking questions about who she’s friends with if they know where she might go. The boss tells them she was scheduled to work in the morning, but never showed up.
33. INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Mia is alone in the room again. She’s trying to get her hands or feet untied. She can hear Lonnie moving around in the other room. She looks around for anything that can help her.
34. EXT. IAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
The police knock on his door. He answers and lets them in.
35. INT. IAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
The police ask Ian questions about Mia. He tells them he hasn’t seen her since she started ghosting him. He has no idea where she might be.
36. INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Lonnie comes back into the room with some food. He tries to feed Mia, but it isn’t working. She tells him she won’t try to run if he just unties her. He is reluctant at first but agrees. He unties her arms. She sits up and takes the spoon from him and starts to eat.
37. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
One of Mia’s coworkers asks to speak to the officers in charge of Mia’s disappearance. She tells them that they need to find Lonnie. He was obsessed with her. If you find him, she’s sure they’ll find Mia.
38. INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Mia finishes eating. Lonnie goes to tie her back up, but she pleads with him to leave her free. He ties her back up and takes the dishes out of the room. Mia starts to cry.
39. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
The detective assigned to Breanna’s look into Lonnie.
40. INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Mia gets Lonnie to untie her. She plays along with his fantasy of being a couple. She looks for a way out. She realizes Lonnie has the only set of keys on him, she finds a way to knock him unconscious and steal the keys.
EXT. LONNIE’S HOME – DAY
The police pull up in front of the house. The front door opens and Mia stumbles out. Bloody and bruised but otherwise okay. The police storm into the house, guns were drawn.
INT. SCHOOL – DAY
Mia sits in the middle of the couch, surrounded by half a dozen other students. They are talking and laughing. Ian moves into the frame and sits down next to Mia, putting his arm around his shoulder. He kisses her cheek.
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Renee’s Transformational Events
What I learned doing this assignment is
Beginning: Mia is a shy art student with few friends who just wants to find love.
End: Mia is an outgoing art student who realizes she was always surrounded by love.
Old Ways
– Keeps to herself
– avoids confrontation
– she’s quiet
– she doesn’t believe in herself
New Ways
-more sociable
-she’s outspoken
-she meets conflict head-on
-knows she can accomplish anything
Changes that need to happen
1. Mia’s boss berates her because she is late and writes her up.
2. A guy comes into her work and asks her out.
3. Her roommate wants her to go out and meet her friends
4. The new guy wants her to meet his friends, but she refuses. They get in a fight and she decides to ghost him.
5. Her roommate is killed, and she’s taken in for questioning. She stands up for herself and is released.
6. Lonnie, her friend and stalker drugs her and kidnaps her.
7. She wakes up tied to a bed and must find a way to get free.
8. She plays along with Lonnie’s sick fantasy so he will untie her. She tries to flee, she struggles with him. She is able to escape.
Act 1:
Opening – Mia sits on a bench sketching what’s in front of her. She watches an older couple walk by arm in arm. She spots a dandelion and makes a wish to find love.
Inciting Incident – Mia hurries to work when a man, Ian, steps out a doorway and runs into her,
knocking her to the ground. He helps her up and watches her as she runs down the sidewalk.1. Mia’s boss berates her because she is late and writes her up.
· Turning Point – the man that knocked her down turns up at her work and asks her out on a date, she reluctantly says yes.
2. A guy comes into her work and asks her out.
Act 2:
Reaction – Mia enjoys the date and gets a bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer. Her roommate Breanna asks her
to go out to the club with her.3. Her roommate wants her to go out and meet her friends.
New plan – Mia decides she should be more open to meeting new people and agrees to go out with Breanna.
Plan in action – Ian wants
Mia to meet his friends but she doesn’t feel comfortable and this causes the conflict which refuses to meet head on.4. The new guy wants her to meet his friends, but she refuses. They get in a fight and she decides to ghost him.
Midpoint Turning Point –
after a long day at school and work, Mia comes home to find her roommate dead. The police come and question her. She calls Lonnie and he comes over to comfort her. He gets her a drink laced with Rohypnol; she passes out.5. Her roommate is killed, and she’s taken in for questioning. She stands up for herself and is released
Act 3:
6. Lonnie, her friend and stalker drugs her and kidnaps her.
7. She wakes up tied to a bed and must find a way to get free.
Rethink everything – Mia wakes up tied to a bed with Lonnie leaning over her. New plan – Mia must
figure out how to get Lonnie to untie her.8. She must play along with Lonnie’s sick fantasy so he will untie her. Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Mia convinces Lonnie that she won’t run away and gets him to untie her, but she realizes that the only way out of the house is with the keys that Lonnie keeps closely guarded.
Act 4:
9. Lonnie unties her but she is trapped. She must confront him. They struggle, but she gets away.
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
– She confronts Lonnie, they fight, she manages to get the keys and escape. Lonnie either gets arrested or is killed? Not sure about this yet.
Resolution – Mia is back at art school,
surrounded by friends. She realizes that she is surrounded by love. -
Renee’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is by taking each important part of the story I was able to more easily see where this script is going to go and have a better idea of the scenes that I will need to make sure are included to have a compelling story.
Concept: After making a wish on a dandelion to find love, Mia Roberts becomes the target of a ruthless stalker that will stop at nothing to have her by his side.
Main Conflict: Lonnie, Mia’s friend, and coworker is obsessed with her and won’t let anything or anyone get in the way of being with her.
Mia’s Old Ways
– She keeps to herself
– Avoids confrontation
– She’s quiet and doesn’t speak up
Mia’s New Ways
– She is more sociable
– She is more outspoken
– She meets conflict head-on
Act 1:
Opening – Mia sits on a bench sketching what’s in front of her. She watches an older couple walk by arm in arm. She spots a dandelion and makes a wish to find love.
Inciting Incident – Mia hurries to work when a man, Ian, steps out a doorway and runs into her, knocking her to the ground. He helps her up and watches her as she runs down the
sidewalk.
Turning Point – the man that
knocked her down turns up at her work and asks her out on a date, she reluctantly
says yes.Act 2:
Reaction – Mia enjoys the date and gets a bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer. Her roommate Breanna convinces
her to go to a club with her and Mia really enjoys the night.
New plan – Mia decides she should be more open to meeting new people and agrees to meet Ian’s friends.
Plan in action – Ian keeps pushing Mia into situations that are uncomfortable for her and she starts to pull away. This causes conflict which pushes her further away because she refuses to meet conflict head-on. She also starts to pull away from her friend/roommate.
Midpoint Turning Point –
after a long day at school and work, Mia comes home to find her roommate dead.
The police come and question her. She calls Lonnie and he comes over to comfort her. He gets her a drink laced with Rohypnol; she passes out.Act 3:
Rethink everything – Mia wakes up tied to a bed with Lonnie leaning over her.
New plan – Mia must figure out how to get Lonnie to untie her.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
– Mia convinces Lonnie that she won’t run away and gets him to untie her,
but she realizes that the only way out of the house is with the keys that
Lonnie keeps closely guarded.Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
– She confronts Lonnie, they fight, she manages to get the keys and escape. Lonnie either gets arrested or is killed? Not sure about this yet.
Resolution – Mia is back at art school,
surrounded by friends. She realizes that she is surrounded by love. -
Renee’s Character Interviews
What I learned doing this assignment is that asking questions of your characters can give you a better idea of who they are and why they do what they do. While my protagonist was very open and honest, my Antagonist was kind of a jerk and I had to pull the answers out of him.
Protagonist
Tell me about yourself.
I’m Mia, a 19-year-old art student studying painting at the San Francisco Art Institute. I came here from a small town in the Midwest. I live in a one-bedroom apartment with my roommate Breanna, who is a model, which doesn’t help my insecurity. Luckily, she’s really nice and we get along fine. I work in a small café/coffee house near the school. I tend to keep to myself and don’t have many friends.
Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?
I think I was called to this journey to help me believe in myself and let finally let my guard down and let people into my life. I’m dealing with the trauma of my childhood where I saw my dad, a cop, kill my mom before turning the gun on himself. Because of this, I bounced around the foster care system until I was able to move here for school.
You are up against Lonnie. What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you?
This is really difficult because Lonnie was one of my only friends. When things started to get scary and people around me started to die, I ran to Lonnie for comfort, not knowing that he was the one behind it all. This really made it hard given my past. I really thought he was someone I could trust.
In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?
I’m going to have to learn not only to trust myself and my abilities, but I’m going to have to ask for help from the few other people in my life, which means opening up about my past.
What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?
It will be really tough for me to start trusting people.
What fears, insecurities, and wounds have held you back?
I’m afraid that I’m going to let the wrong person into my life and end up just like my mother. This has kept me from having real, honest relationships with anyone.
What skills, background, or expertise make you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?
My dad was a cop, so I picked up a lot of useful information regarding how to protect myself and how to find important information about others. It also helps that I’m a very creative person. Being creative makes me more adaptable to changing situations and helps me solve problems in a creative way. These skills can help me not only discover who is tormenting me, but also how to get out of sticky situations.
What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?
I’m hiding the trauma of watching both my parents die and their own hands.
What does it do for your life if you succeed here?
If I succeed in escaping Lonnie, I will be more confident in myself. I will also be more willing to let my guard down and allow more people into my life.
Antagonist
Tell me about yourself.
I’m Lonnie. I’m a 22-year-old San Francisco native. I work at the café/coffee bar with Mia. I don’t have many friends and have difficulty with social interactions. Because of my social difficulties, I’ve never had a girlfriend. Heck, I’ve never even been on a date or kissed a girl. I’m also constantly being bullied, even now because I’m not good at reading social cues.
Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?
My strengths are my high intelligence and affinity for technology that allows me to get past any security system. Even though I have social difficulties I am very courteous to everyone that helps to get people to let down their guard. My biggest weakness is my obsessive personality that tends to cloud my judgment, especially when it comes to Mia leaving me open to making careless mistakes.
Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change?
I don’t want Mia to fail, I want her to be mine forever. I don’t like seeing her with anyone else.
What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?
If I win then my dream of having a family with Mia will come true. I have to take down the competition because if I don’t, she won’t see me as more than a friend.
What drives you toward your mission/agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?
I can’t stop thinking about Mia and the life we could have together. She is everything I’ve ever wanted and will stop at nothing to get her.
What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear/insecurity?
I grew up in a cult.
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Renee’s Character Profiles
What I learned doing this assignment is by considering these items before writing a single page provides me with enough information to start think about scenes and how these characters will interact with each other and other characters.
Mia Roberts
What draws us to this character?
Traits: Insecure, honest, witty, creative
Subtext: concealing the truth about her childhood
Flaw: low-self esteem
Values: honesty and authority
Irony: that she values honesty but always lies about her childhood.
What makes this the right character for this role? I’m not sure yet.
Role in the story: Starts as a Runner turns into a fighter. Shy art student scared of her own shadow. She’s a minnow in a pond of sharks.
Age range and description: female, late teens, a meek young woman who would rather spend her time painting than hanging out at the clubs.
Internal journey: At the start of the story, she is a shy and naive young woman who is scared of her own shadow and lets people walk all over her. By the end of the story, she has found her strength and has learned to stand up for herself.
External Journey: She starts out weak and ends the story stronger than she ever thought possible.
Motivation: stay alive and finish art school
Emotional Wound: she watched her father kill her mother then himself
Mission/Agenda: to escape her violent stalker
Secret: she blames herself for her mother’s death
What makes her special: she’s a talented artist
Lonnie Baxter
What draws us to this character?
Traits: Obsessive, courteous, devious, jealous
Subtext: Manipulative
Flaw: Controlling
Values: structure and stability
Irony:
What makes this the right character for this role? I’m not sure yet.
Role in the story: Predator. Awkward and unassuming.
Age range and description: male, early 20s, tall and lanky
Internal journey: No change
External Journey: from being alive to being dead
Motivation: to find a companion
Emotional Wound: bullied because of his social difficulties
Mission/Agenda: to make Mia see him as more than a coworker and friend
Secret: not sure yet
What makes him special: he is incredibly intelligent
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Renee’s Character Profiles
What I learned doing this assignment is that creating character profiles isn’t my strong suit. I’m pretty sure that these character profiles will change dramatically as I write the script.
1. The protagonist will start out as a Runner but will turn into a fighter by the end of the script. When she is first contacted by her stalker, she will naturally want to run away from the conflict. As the story progresses, she will find her strength and turn into a fighter and confront her stalker.
2. The antagonist will be a predator. Because of his social difficulties, he’s had issues with women before. He develops an unnatural attachment to the protagonist because she is kind to him. This will lead to him stalking her and killing anyone he thinks is going to stand in his way.
3. There will be several supporting characters including a high school friend, a roommate, and a love interest. There will also be minor roles including other co-workers and other art students. As for background characters, this will include customers, professors, and other students.
4. The genre will be a thriller with a bit of horror mixed in, just because just about everyone dies.
5. Mia Roberts
Role in the story: Starts as a Runner turns into a fighter. Shy art student scared of her own shadow. She’s a minnow in a pond of sharks.
Age range and description: female, late teens, a meek young woman who would rather spend her time painting than hanging out at the clubs.
Internal journey: At the start of the story, she is a shy and naive young woman who is scared of her own shadow and lets people walk all over her. By the end of the story, she has found her strength and has learned to stand up for herself.
External Journey: She starts out weak and ends the story stronger than she ever thought possible.
Motivation: stay alive and finish art school
Emotional Wound: she watched her father kill her mother
Mission/Agenda: to escape her violent stalker
Secret: her failure to save her mother
What makes her special: she’s a talented artist
Lonnie Baxter
Role in the story: Predator. Awkward and unassuming.
Age range and description: male, early 20s, tall and lanky
Internal journey: No change
External Journey: from being alive to being dead
Motivation: to find a companion
Emotional Wound: bullied because of his social difficulties
Mission/Agenda: to make Mia see him as more than a coworker and friend
Secret: not sure yet
What makes him special: he is incredibly intelligent
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Renee’s Transformational Journey
What I learned doing this assignment is by understanding the protagonist’s journey through the story you can have a better idea of what to include in the outline and subsequent script.
Who is your Hero and what is their Character Arc that represents a transformation?
The hero is Mia Roberts, a 19-year-old art student.
Internal Journey: At the start of the story she is a shy and naive young woman who is scared of her own shadow and lets people walk all over her. By the end of the story, she has found her strength and has learned to stand up for herself. <div>
External Journey: She starts out weak and ends the story stronger than she ever though possible.
What are the
Old Ways:
– she keeps to herself
– avoids confrontation
– she quiet
New Ways:
– she is more sociable
– she is outspoken
– she meets conflict head-on
</div>
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Hi, I’m Renee. I’ve written 3 scripts. I’m hoping to learn the process to write faster. Right now it takes me about 6 months to complete the first draft of a script. Something unique about me is that I was a member of the Junior Olympic Archery Development program and was on my way to the Olympics until I shattered my wrist in a freak gymnastics accident.
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Hi Barry,
I’ve been through a couple of rounds already, but would be more than willing to exchange with you. You can send me your outline to rmiller0911@gmail.com.
Renee
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Hey Barry,
The formatting on this WordPress site is atrocious. I post the assignment and then click on the three little dots in the upper right corner and edit it. When it brings you back to your reply, uncheck the box that says to keep a log of the edit, and then hit the post button again. This usually will get rid of the one solid block of writing and put it back to your original formatting.
Renee
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Hi Barry! I wrote a big foot script for the Writing Incredible Movies class.
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Hi Donna – So I went back and looked at your reply for lesson 1. Am I correct in assuming that both characters are looking for love online and happen to come across each other’s profiles? If that is the case then I would say that the bigger story is in fact that your protagonist’s bigger story is searching for love, not the romance that she has with the 2nd character. Are you planning on having a scene where one of her past relationships ends in her partners death to show why she believes she will kill any man that she loves?
Hope this helps a little bit. – Renee -
Hey Larry, thanks for your thoughts. While becoming a partner in a law firm is usually a goal for lawyers, it’s not the only thing that she can be offered that would fulfill the “dream job” quota. My character is already a partner in her firm but she’s offered the chance to become the Chief Legal Officer for a prestigious multinational corporation with headquarters in London.
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Hi Lynn! Good to see you in another class!
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Hey Deni,
That’s strange that my email didn’t work. But yeah, I’ll exchange with you. I’ll send you mine then you can just reply to ensure that the email works.
Cheers,
Renee -
Hey Edward,
I'm looking to exchange feedback for a second round. I have a dark comedy titled Killer Support.
Concept: a reformed serial killer turned therapist's support group for like minded murderers becomes the hunting ground for a new serial killer who uniquely dispatches victims in an ironic nod to their original crimes, thrusting the group into a macabre game of survival.
Let me know if you'd like to exchange.
Cheers,
Renee -
Great. I’ll send mine right over.
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Hey Jerry,
I sent you my script this morning. If you’d like me to read yours and provide you feedback, you can send it to rmiller0911@gmail.com.Renee
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Hi Janeen – I have a supernatural horror. If you’d like to exchange you can send it to rmiller0911@gmail.com.
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Hey Bob,
Let me know when you get done with your exchange with Hilton. Don’t want you overwhelmed with reading and changes on your script.
Renee -
Hi Jerry,
Great I’ll send my right over.
Renee
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I don’t think that is it. I signed up when it was announced and I don’t have any of the remaining assignments for module 1 and mine only goes to Module 3 with very few lessons for those modules.
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I’ve been informed by Cheryl that Lessson 6 & 7 will be up sometime this week.
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Hi Peter – would you be willing to post the Lesson 4 assignment here since there seems to be several of us that do not have access to lessons 4-7 and customer service/Cheryl seem to be MIA on this matter. It would be very much appreciated. Thanks! Renee
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I don’t have them either. I’ve contacted customer service and Cheryl regarding this issue. Hopefully it will get resolved soon so we don’t get behind.
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Hi Sylvia! I’ve often wondered how your script came out from PS77 since you started later than the rest of us. I’m glad to see you here.
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Hi Monica,
I’m ready to go if you haven’t already exchanged with someone. Let me know if you’d like to exchange.
Renee
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Hey Cameron,
Thank you for the treatment! I love the addition of the “Stepford wives”. It gives me a lot more to work with. I really hope I did your story justice. If I didn’t, I apologize, I’m not really great at writing treatments.
Renee
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Hey Cameron – I’m ready to exchange as well if you’re interested.
– Renee
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Hey Rolando – yeah, let’s do this. I’m free until about 4:30 today and then I’m wide open on the weekend. When were you thinking?
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Hi Cameron,
While I haven’t read a ton of action scripts, I think this is a good 10 page sample of your writing. As I read it I could picture in my mind exactly what was happening, which is great. I can see the movie. They way you’ve written the action really helps the story flow quickly, which is what you want in an action.
You’re set up is great. One question for you, I’ve never heard the term Aspergian before. I’m assuming this is Asperger’s syndrome. You may want to change it to read his son with Aspergers, just so producers don’t have to look it up to find out what it is. On a general note, when including a neurodivergent character, make sure you aren’t using stereotypical behaviors. Really do your research on the condition. I think its great to include characters with these kinds of conditions.
My only thought has to do with Isaiah. He seems to function well when in the thick of the action but when they are alone in the hallway he is participating in a stimming action. While I understand the need to include this here, to force Sully to have to carry him, I wonder if it wouldn’t work better when they are in the apartment. I would think that his adrenaline from their near escape would still be pumping through him in the hallway.
I think this is a really great writing sample and I enjoyed reading it.
Renee
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Hey Cameron.
Yes! Let’s exchange.
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Hi Joy,
So, I don’t personally know many of the producers I’m connected to on LinkedIn. During the Master Screenwriting Certificate program, Hal showed us how to connect to producers. It really is nothing more than sending out a connection request to producers in our 2nd tier.
Most of my querying is through query letters that I send out via email to producers I’ve found on IMDB pro, but I have reached out to producers on LinkedIn after doing a bit of research. I only reach out to those producers who specialize in horror and thriller movies since that’s my specialty.
Renee
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Hi Roland – I also specialize in thrillers and horrors. Glad to have another one in the class.
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Hi Monica,
I am sooo sorry. I just saw your reply. I’ve been super busy with family in town and the holidays. If you still need someone to read your script and provide you feedback please send your script to me, I promise I will get to it the day you send it and have feedback to you within 24 hours.
Renee
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Hey Lynn,
What you’re describing isn’t a cliche but a trope of the rom-com. There is nothing wrong with including genre tropes in your film because audiences expect them and if they aren’t there you could end up upsetting the audience.
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Sounds good Marcus!
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Hi Dana,
Let’s do it. You can email yours to rmiller0911@gmail.com. As soon as I get yours I’ll send mine over.
Renee
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Hi Marcus,
I have a little cleaning up to do, but would love to swap outlines with you. I can have mine over to you later today. You can email me yours whenever you’re ready. My email is rmiller0911@gmail.com.
Thanks,
Renee
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Hey Victor. I sent you an email, so go ahead and send yours over and I will get mine to you in a bit.
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Yeah, Lynn. I’m finishing up my corrections/fixes, and can send it over once I’m done. Go ahead and send yours over as soon as you finish. I’ll message you my email address.
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Hey Victor – If you haven’t found someone to exchange with, I’ll have my second outline ready by this evening.
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Hey Lynn – that is so interesting. I may tap you for some knowledge while I’m writing if that’s all right with you. Thanks for sharing!
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Hi Amy,
Glad to see a familiar name in the class.
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Hi Don,
I tried emailing you but it bounced back. I just saw this message and would be more than happy to take a look at your outline. My email is rmiller0911@gmail.com. If you still need feedback send your outline over whenever you’re ready.
Renee
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Wendell – let’s exchange! I’m not sure how you send a PM in this forum, so you can go ahead and email me at rmiller0911@gmail.com
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Wow, Diana, I didn’t see that coming. The poor best friend 🙂
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Hi Noree,
I’m also in the MSC 16. Glad to see a familiar face and excited to see what you do with your script.
Renee
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Haha! I guess it’s true Adam, great minds think alike. Looking forward to seeing how you use the transformational journey in your script.