[savanna Savanna]

Would love to exchange feedback: Nancy & Squire, posed in Forum 14 and 16. thanks!

[savanna Savanna]

Draft 2, Squire and Nancy
Well, thanks to the assignment and challenge, I wondered what it would look like if I set the hospital in a war-torn country, in the hospital of a project funded by the U.S., and if the patient was not a sympathetic soul, so I added that in and saw the harassment looked even worse in that setting, Squire appeared even more self-centered, and the setting provided more of a foil for the characters. It emerged that the nurse, Squire, doesn’t really care at all about saving patients, which may, or may not, be a Thing. I don’t know; is compassion a prereq for a medical career? We assume so. I have no medical background.
But I do hear stories.
Then I wondered if I gave Dr. Nancy a huge handicap, esp for a surgeon, so I made her one-eyed.
And a whole different Situation emerged.

ONE MORNING IN THE O.R. IN UGANDA
Logline: A disabled surgeon and her narcissistic nurse clash during a high-stakes surgery, ignoring the best interests of the patient
Essence: Egos rule the OR

At 2 a.m. in a busy hospital, funded by the US government, in war torn Uganda, DR. NANCY, Anesthetist and NurseB scrub in for a Hail Mary surgery effort to save the life of a terrorist who has blown up a children’s ward .

2nd scene is a makeshift OR, with scant nurses and technicians who prep hurriedly as SQUIRE waltzes in, seemingly unbothered by the severity of the case and flirts with everyone present, winking and posing, taking selfies.

SQUIRE
I’m not going to ask WHY Dr. Nancy called a middle-of-the-night surgery. I imagine it’s to up her numbers this month. This could wait until daybreak, and besides, it’s a monster we’re bringing in. Why rush to save him?
NURSE B
You and Dr. Nancy will never be friends, will you? And shame on you for judging. It’s not ethical to judge life or death.
SQUIRE
Nancy’s a cold one-eyed beoch. And nurses don’t take the Hippocratic Oath, for your information. Why do we care what happens to this patient of all patients?
NURSE B
Dr. Nancy’s focused on her work and medical progress. You’re only focused on yourself.
SQUIRE
Maybe you and I should get together one day. I can show you a good time while I focus on myself.
NURSE B
You’re predictable, ya know.

DR. NANCY blasts into the Operating Room wearing an eye patch over one eye.

DR. NANCY
The recorders will be on, right? I’ll need all the data to write up this one for publication.

SQUIRE
Yes, Doctor, we’ve been ready. Why your delay?
DR. NANCY
Don’t start with me big guy. I just had my good eye operated on by a marginally educated technician.
SQUIRE
You and me could have fun together. I can be the lookout.
DR. NANCY
In your dreams, Nurse.
SQUIRE
That’s where we are stuck actually.
DR. NANCY
Really? You’re going to harass your superior in a U.S. federally funded facility? That can cost you. We’ve got a life in front of us to save. I need you to focus. Thankfully, we got the best OR before Dr. Mitchell grabbed it.
SQUIRE
You got a thing for him too?
DR. NANCY
Squire, gimme Heart Rate? BP?
SQUIRE
Looks okay. Unsure if the machinery works this morning. Power outages all over.
DR. NANCY
I need numbers.
SQUIRE
60-ish and 120/70
DR. NANCY
60ish? Exact number please.
SQUIRE
If you insist Doc. It’s a 69. Ironically.
DR. NANCY
Why so high under sedation?
SQUIRE
Ask the lazy anesthetist.
DR. NANCY
I’m asking you, Squire. Nurse Squire, in case you’ve forgotten.
SQUIRE
Okay, I’ll ask the anesthetist. Hey, kid, put down your phone. Is Heart Rate ok? Dr. Nancy is freaking over here.
DR. NANCY
(shouting) I’m not freaking! For the record. I am NOT freaking!
SQUIRE
Are you sure you can see? Want to scream it a little louder? Dr. Mitchell can’t hear you down the hall.
DR. NANCY
I don’t care.
SQUIRE
Oh yes you do! (looking up at monitor) By the way Doctor, your patient is now crashing.
DR. NANCY
What?
SQUIRE
Just got a side eye from the anesthetist kid and she called a STAT. But there’s no Code Blue team in Uganda, so say goodbye to another monster, Doc.
DR. NANCY backs away from the surgery table and removes gloves, cursing.
DR. NANCY
F*ck. Dr. Mitchell probably heard the STAT call.
SQUIRE
Win some, lose some, Doc. Welcome to a war zone. Let’s grab brunch.

[savanna Savanna]

What I learned is that sometimes, First Thought, best thought. Immediately the idea of an OR came to me. why? I don’t know.

SITUATION: Two people who don’t trust each other are teamed up to do a job.
SCENE ARC: From: being forced together to: making a total mess out of the situation.
NANCY
Traits
– Confrontational – Stubborn – Scheming – Caring
Subtext: Nancy is a scheming lady who is covertly competitive with peers.
SQUIRE
Traits – Evasive – Selfish
– Happy-go-lucky
– Seductive
Subtext: Squire is a seductive guy who uses his charm to control others.

ONE MORNING IN THE O.R.
Logline: a surgeon and her nurse clash during a high-stakes surgery, ignoring the best interests of the patient;
Essence: Egos rule the OR. Sometimes.

At 2 a.m. in a busy hospital, DR. NANCY, an Anesthetist and NurseB scrub in for a Hail Mary surgery effort to save the life of a firefighter with a severe heart condition.

Scene: OR full of nurses and technicians prep hurriedly as SQUIRE, chief nurse, waltzes in, seemingly unbothered by the severity of the case and flirts with everyone present, winking and posing, taking selfies.

SQUIRE
I’m not going to ask why Dr. Nancy called a middle-of-the-night surgery. I imagine it’s to up her numbers this month. This could wait until daybreak.
NURSE B
You two will never be friends, will you?
SQUIRE
She’s a cold beoch.
NURSE B
Maybe she’s focused on her work.
SQUIRE
Maybe you and I should get together one day. I can show you a good time.
NURSE B
You’re predictable, ya know.

DR. NANCY blasts into the Operating Room with a serious expression, knitted brow.

DR. NANCY
The recorders will be on, right? I’ll need all the data to write up this one for publication.
SQUIRE
Yes, Doctor, we’ve been ready.
DR. NANCY
Don’t start with me big guy.
SQUIRE
Wish I could. We’d have fun.
DR. NANCY
In your dreams, Nurse.
SQUIRE
That’s where we are stuck actually.
DR. NANCY
Really? You’re going to try to harass your superior? We’ve got a large life in front of us to save. I need you to focus on your work this morning. Thankfully, we got the best OR before Dr. Mitchell grabbed it.
SQUIRE
You got a thing for him too?
DR. NANCY
Don’t know if you heard the news Romeo; this patient sacrificed himself to run into that house ablaze to save the kid. Nurse, start the recorder. Squire, gimme Heart Rate? BP?
SQUIRE
Looks okay.
DR. NANCY
I need numbers.
SQUIRE
60-ish and 120/70
DR. NANCY
60ish? Exact number please.
SQUIRE
If you insist Doc. It’s a 69. Ironically.
DR. NANCY
Why so high under sedation?
SQUIRE
Ask the lazy anesthetist.
DR. NANCY
I’m asking you, Squire.
SQUIRE
Okay, I’ll ask the anesthetist. Hey, kid, put down your phone. Is Heart Rate ok? Dr. Nancy is freaking over here.
DR. NANCY
(shouting) I’m not freaking! For the record. I am NOT freaking!
SQUIRE
Want to scream it a little louder? Dr. Mitchell can probably hear you down the hall.
DR. NANCY
I don’t care.
SQUIRE
Oh yes you do! (looking up at monitor) By the way Doctor, your patient is now crashing.
DR. NANCY
What?
SQUIRE
Just got a side eye from the anesthetist and she called a STAT. Here comes the Code Blue team.
DR. NANCY backs away from the surgery table and removes gloves.
DR. NANCY
F*ck. Dr. Mitchell probably heard the STAT call.
SQUIRE
Win some, lose some, Doc.

[savanna Savanna]

got it, thanks

• This reply was modified 1 month ago by  savanna Savanna mapelli.

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna’s Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is not to assume just because I have some drama in the scene, it is enough. There’s always something more to throw in.

Scene 1. Current scene logline: HERO dies finally at peace.
Essence: After surrendering the kernel of his lust and love for HEROINE to a greater good, HERO is at peace.
Brainstorm list of possible challenges: Hero could resuscitate, however briefly; Heroine could realize she loves him and that she’s made a mistake dismissing him; There could be a cataclysmic weather event;
How I will write scene differently with new challenge: I will place the scene in a mild earthquake.

Scene 2. Current scene logline: HERO brags to HEROINE about his career accomplishment which has the effect of cutting her out.
Essence: Heroine realizes she has to go it alone in career.
Brainstorm list of possible challenges: Heroine is unwell; Heroine has fear of speaking or a stutter; A deadline is looming;
How I will write scene differently with new challenge: I will give the heroine some kind of physical impediment and an almost impossible deadline.

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna’s Full-out characters

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is I need to put more forethought into designing a character instead of seeing what shows up on the page, which is the tail wagging the dog approach which emerges from the limits of my imagination.

MOTHER
Current: devoted to child, supportive, open, a bit cold
Subtext: She’s simultaneously child’s worst critic and biggest supporter.
Revised: supportive, devoted, cold, openly embarrassed by child’s choices

LOVE INTEREST
Current: determined, demure, asexual, kind
Subtext: She has a goal and won’t succumb to MAIN’s advances
Revised: asexual, kind, feminist, scarred by past

BEST FRIEND
Current: supportive, helpful, bland
Subtext: He is loyal to MAIN but blows a fuse when they disagree often.
Revised: supportive, helpful, temperamental, physical

[savanna Savanna]

Double Quality QE assignment 2

What I learned is that writing from character motivates me to find structure and I learned that I could flesh out the setting after I had some bare bones on the page.

LOGLINE: John seeks to solve the puzzle of why certain livestock wins consistently at the annual Ohio State Fair, which influences the prices on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange for livestock.

ESSENCE: On his own turf, cocky good ole boy is tricked by educated second generation Italian guy.

SCENE:  
EXT. Parking lot near livestock cages at Ohio State Fair.

A large sign announces GRAND OPENING: OHIO STATE FAIR. THIS WEEKEND.

NICK is seen quietly disabling a security camera and entering the caged area prepared for livestock to be herded into. He begins to fiddle with the latches of the gates and looks around to see if anyone is watching him. (intrigue)

JOHN is seen in his car near the livestock cages, where he looks in his car mirrors to make sure no one is around and then adjusts a wire on his chest and buttons up his shirt quickly. He texts “Going in” on his phone. The recipient of the text is “CHICAGO.” He gets out of his car and we see the large sign for the fair announcing the prize money for winning in CATTLE, HOGS, CHICKENS. (superior position, intrigue)

NICK
(startled) John, what are you doing here?
JOHN
Came to check out the setup. Make sure it’s not tampered with like last year. (distrustful) (intrigue, suspense)
NICK
Paranoia will destroy-ya. (conniving) (hope)
JOHN
Just want to make sure my hogs have a chance this time. (distrustful) (fear) (intrigue)
NICK
I don’t know how yours escaped last year, not my doing. Trust me. (confident) (hope) (mislead) (intrigue)
JOHN
About as far as I can throw you. (distrustful) (fear)
NICK
My pigs won every year since 1975. You’re just jelly. (confident) (hope)
JOHN
No, but I’m curious how that happens, year after year. (distrustful) (set up)
NICK
By knowing what we’re doing. Been farming in Ohio since before your relatives left Sicily, Senor Giovanni. (confident, conniving) (fear) (surprise)
JOHN
You can leave my origins out of it. I’m proud of being a son of Italy. We know a thing or two about farming. (loyal, daring) (hope) (set up)
NICK
Do you now? (conniving) (intrigue)
JOHN
Yeah, ever had prosciutto or salami? (loyal) (reveal)
NICK
There’s no demand for foreign meats in the heartland here. (conniving) (fear)
JOHN
I have connections to markets in Brooklyn for my pigs. Heard you have connections yourself, to the Chicago futures, so you make sure your pigs bring the best prices by winning here every summer. (distrustful) (intrigue, suspense) (set up)
NICK
You accusing me of something? (conniving) (fear)
JOHN
Nah. Just letting you know you don’t intimidate me. (daring) (hope)
NICK
What do I care about the market? I’m here for the ribbons and prize money, which I donate anyway, along with the animals. (conniving, giving) (intrigue, hope)
JOHN
Right. Then why don’t you care about the potential of your cattle too? They’re better raised than your hogs. And prizes bring attention to your stock in Chicago. (daring) (set up)
NICK
Just don’t want to spread myself thin. (conniving) (hope)
JOHN
Or you use them as bargaining chips with other farmers entering the fair. You all decide whose livestock will win so everybody gets something. You got it all rigged, don’t you? (daring, loner) (reveal)
NICK
You’re giving me too much credit. I wasn’t handed an expensive degree from Ag College back East like you were. Don’t need no education to farm. (rebellious) (set up)
JOHN
Your loss. They teach ethics at Ag College. Might have helped you. (daring) (reveal)
NICK
I live by my own rules. Always have. (rebellious)
(Pause.)
You gonna enter your hens this year? (conniving) (set up)
JOHN
I knew you’d ask that.
NICK
Huh?
JOHN
You know Chicago just started trading poultry futures. (daring) (reveal)
NICK
Is that right?
JOHN
Please.
NICK
Well, you can have all the poultry prizes John, all you want. What do I want to do with that? My sons don’t want to raise them. (conniving, confident, giving) (set up)
JOHN
I don’t have family to weigh me down. (loner) (set up)
NICK
Oh yeah, forgot. Heard you prefer animals, even though I know you’re sweet on Katerina at the library. (conniving) (reveal) (surprise) (fear)
JOHN
What are you saying?
NICK
Just telling you what people talk about out here. (conniving)
JOHN
(shocked) Disgusting. I don’t do anything weird with animals. That’s a Gringo thing as far as I can tell. And leave Katerina out of this. (loyal) (hope)
NICK
I could take up for you if you was a team player. Could stop those rumors easily, make sure it gets back to her ears that you’re not a perv. I halted the gossip about Phil last year, about his crack habit. (conniving, giving, confident). Then he was able to get hitched and he aint lonely no more.
JOHN
Phil, who won for cattle?
NICK (smiling)
Yeah, same one. What a coinidink. (conniving) (set up) (mislead)
JOHN
Is it?
NICK
You do the math. (conniving) (reveal) (betrayal)
JOHN
(looks at smart watch and presses button)
Stopped recording. Your game’s over Nick. Either you’re gonna stop manipulating the prizes here at the State Fair, or I’m gonna beat you up, Sicilian style, or both. I’m wired for Chicago. They heard every word. (daring) (reveal) (hope)
NICK
You work for the Exchange in Chicago? You’re another damn foreigner taking American jobs. You need to be deported.
JOHN
Ha! I grew up here! And I got the job with a degree from an American school. No one wanted to study Ag Economics, so they convinced me and I worked hard and did the whole program. And now I’m promoting what’s right. Not that you know the difference between right and wrong, living by your own rules. (Surprise, Dramatic Irony)
NICK
(turns his back to John to pull out a knife)
End of scene.

• This reply was modified 2 months ago by  savanna Savanna mapelli.

[savanna Savanna]

LOGLINE: John seeks to solve the puzzle of why certain livestock wins consistently at the annual Ohio State Fair.
ESSENCE: On his own turf, arrogant good ole boy gets tricked by educated foreigner.
SCENE:  
EXT. Livestock cages at Ohio State Fair, before opening. A large sign announces GRAND OPENING and $5,000 top prize money for CATTLE, HOGS, CHICKENS.

NICK
John, what are you doing here?
JOHN
Came to check out the setup. Make sure it’s not tampered with like last year.
NICK
Paranoia will destroy-ya.
JOHN
Just want to make sure my hogs have a chance this year.
NICK
I don’t know how yours escaped last year, not my doing. Trust me.
JOHN
About as far as I can throw you.
NICK
My pigs won every year since 1975. You’re jelly.
JOHN
No, I’m just curious how that happens, year after year.
NICK
By knowing what we’re doing. Been farming in Ohio since before your relatives left Sicily.
JOHN
You can leave my origins out of it. I’m proud of being a son of Italy. We know a thing or two about farming.
NICK
Do you now?
JOHN
Yeah, ever had prosciutto or salami?
NICK
No market for foreign meats in the heartland here.
JOHN
I have connections to markets in Brooklyn for my pork. Heard you have connections to the Chicago futures, so you make sure your pigs bring the best prices by winning here every summer.
NICK
You accusing me of something?
JOHN
Nah. Just letting you know you don’t intimidate me.
NICK
What do I care about the market? I’m here for the ribbon and prize money, which I donate anyway, along with the animals.
JOHN
Right. Then why don’t you care about the potential of your cattle? They’re better raised than your hogs.
NICK
Just don’t want to spread myself thin.
JOHN
Or you use them as bargaining chips with other farmers entering the fair. Yall got it all rigged, don’t you?
NICK
You’re giving me too much credit. I wasn’t handed an expensive degree from Ag College like you were. Don’t need no education to farm.
JOHN
Your loss. They teach ethics at Ag College.
NICK
Bet they do.
(Pause.)
You gonna enter your hens this year?
JOHN
I knew you’d ask that.
NICK
Huh?
JOHN
Chicago just started trading poultry futures.
NICK
Is that right?
JOHN
Please.
NICK
Well, you can have all the poultry prizes John, all you want. What do I want to do with that? My sons don’t want to raise them.
JOHN
I don’t have family to weigh me down.
NICK
Oh yeah, forgot. Heard you prefer animals.
JOHN
What are you saying?
NICK
Just telling you what people say.
JOHN
(shocked) Disgusting.
NICK
I could take up for you if you were a team player. Could stop those rumors easily. I stopped the gossip about Phil last year, about his string of DUIs.
JOHN
Phil, who won for cattle?
NICK (smiling)
Yeah, same one. What a coincidence.
JOHN
Is it?
NICK
You do the math.
JOHN
(looks at smart watch and presses button)
Stopped recording. Your game’s over Nick. Either you’re gonna stop manipulating the fair, or I’m gonna beat you up, Sicilian style.
Or both.
End of scene.

• This reply was modified 2 months ago by  savanna Savanna mapelli.

[savanna Savanna]

Hi, I just posted my rewrite in lesson 6. Can someone exchange feedback with me? I’m a little late to the buffet. THANKS

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna's rewrite of first SU Creative Mastery assignment

INT. A shooting range, November. Thanksgiving decorations are hung up offering free beers and free shooting all week that headlines: “GIT BUZZED & BRUISED FREE”

TRENT enters shooting range carrying a golden handgun where ROBERT is priming a hunting rifle.

TRENT
Jess said you hang here sometimes. Free shootin for Thanksgiving, that’s why you here?

ROBERT
I’m practicing for huntin season. Starts next week. What kinda fancy glock you got there?

(Clearly ROBERT is enamored with TRENT’S gun and cannot divert his eyes)

TRENT
It’s made of 14 karat. Never misses, rarely jams. ‘Case I’m in a gunfight or somethin.

ROBERT
You expectin to be? That’s pricey. Bullets must cost a mint. You chasin’ a bounty?

TRENT
Maybe. I don’t bother with the riffraff, that’s my motto. Only spend on what matters. I’m goin to the quieter range in the back there. Wanna see how good it fires?

ROBERT
Yeah I do. Heard you in hock up to your gills for all your shiny toys, that true?

TRENT
Sounds like somethin’ you’d start spreadin yourself.

ROBERT follows TRENT into the back range room eyeing the gun, like a dog following a raw streak to the grill.

ROBERT
You ever lend it? I could never afford that.

TRENT
Only at the range. But you caint go droppin it and bust it.

ROBERT
You still sore over that? That was high school dude. Get over it. That’s why you don’t come to my class reunion shindigs?

TRENT
Some things a man don’t forget.

ROBERT
Jeez dude. It wasn’t a golden statue or nothin.

TRENT
It was our team’s trophy. Meant a lot. I had just polished it.

ROBERT
Let it go man. You can’t be Captain forever. You was so full of yourself, ya know. All the time I used to hear Chrissy and Lulu complainin ‘bout how arrogant you was.

TRENT
You blabbed all over town that I balled about the trophy you broke, douche.

ROBERT
You did cry all night. Missed graduation even.

TRENT
Don’t mean you gotta make me look like a sissy.

ROBERT
But you are one. Ha! C’mon let’s start fresh.

ROBERT offers his hand to TRENT for a reconciliation handshake.

TRENT
Ain’t shakin’ your nasty hand. I seen you wackin off all during school, morning, noon and nighttime. Probably still are since you can’t find anyone to live with ya.

ROBERT
Fuck you. At least I ain’t stuck with your gal.

TRENT
Jess told me you talk smack about her. I want you to quit it.

ROBERT
She butt-uggly. She’s b-ugly. You tap that? Must be desperate.

TRENT
Go to hell.

ROBERT
Ladies first.

TRENT
(places earmuffs on and uses handgun to demolish the paper target at end of range with precision)

ROBERT
Dang.

TRENT
Wanna try it big boy?

ROBERT
Sure.
(places earmuffs on and uses Trent’s handgun to shoot the paper target, poorly)

TRENT
Ha! Ain’t so hot after all is ya?

ROBERT
Has a kick to it. Look, ya know I’m sorry for talkin’ shit. Just makes life interestin.

TRENT
(ignoring the apology) Give it to me. You probably went and done jammed it.

ROBERT hands him the gun back sheepishly.

TRENT takes his gun back from ROBERT and pistol whips him with it.

ROBERT drops to floor.

TRENT
Don’t be sayin’ nothin bout my wife, dick.
END OF SCENE

• This reply was modified 2 months ago by  savanna Savanna mapelli.

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna’s 1st draft QE Scene
What I learned is that I don’t have to hold back from throwing in intrigue and suspense for fun.

INT. A shooting range, November.

TRENT
Jess said you hang here sometimes. Free shooting for Thanksgiving weekend, that’s why you here? Free beers at 5.

ROBERT
Practicing for hunting season. Starts next week. What kinda fancy gun you got?

TRENT
Korth, use it for target practice. Case I’m in a gunfight or somethin.

ROBERT
You expectin to be? That’s pricey, bullets must cost a mint. You chasin’ a bounty ?

TRENT
Maybe. Don’t bother with the riff-raff, that’s my motto. Wanna try it?

ROBERT
I’d love to try a shot or two with that. You lend it?

TRENT
Only at the range. But you caint drop it and bust it ya know.

ROBERT
You still sore over that? That was high school dude. Get over it.

TRENT
Some things a man don’t forget.

ROBERT
Jeez dude. It wasn’t a golden statue or nothin.

TRENT
It was our team’s trophy. Meant a lot.

ROBERT
Let it go man. You can’t be Captain forever. You was so full of yourself. Obnoxious.

TRENT
You blabbed all over town that I balled about it, douche.

ROBERT
You did cry.

TRENT
Don’t mean you gotta make me look girlie.

ROBERT
But you are girlie. Ha! C’mon let’s start fresh.

TRENT
Ain’t shakin’ your nasty hand. I seen you wackin off all during school. Probably still are.

ROBERT
Fuck you. At least I’m not stuck with your woman.

TRENT
Jess told me you talk smack about her.

ROBERT
She’s butt-uggly. She’s b-ugly. You tap that? Must be desperate.

TRENT
Go to hell.

ROBERT
Ladies first.

TRENT
(uses handgun to demolish the paper target at end of range)

ROBERT
Dang.

TRENT
Wanna try it big boy?

ROBERT
Sure.
(uses Trent’s handgun to shoot the paper target, poorly)

TRENT
Ha! Ain’t so hot after all is ya?

ROBERT
It has a kick to it.

TRENT
Give it to me. It might be jammed.

ROBERT hands him the gun innocently.

TRENT takes his gun back from ROBERT and pistol whips him with it.

ROBERT drops to floor.

TRENT
Don’t be sayin’ nothin bout my wife, dick.

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna’s profile people
What I learned: what a great exercise this is, not just for writing, but for getting through life.

PERSON 1: witty, intelligent, addict, predatorial
Multiple past testing: tried to trick me into virtual oddities even tho personal contact
PERSON 2: entertaining, energetic, caustic, impulsive
Past testing: revealed confidences to mutual contacts
PERSON 3: smart, capable, secretive, weak
Past testing: consistent bullying instead of outward expression

[savanna Savanna]

What I learned is that the dialogue can be only the rough structure of the essence of a scene.

SCRIPT I CHOSE: Mary Poppins
Scene 1 location: Sidewalk chalk scene in act 1
Logline: Mary Poppins leads her new charges into a new reality by jumping into the sidewalk chalk pictures Bert has drawn.
Essence: Mary Poppins has access to magic and other worlds.

Scene 2 location: Interview of Mary Poppins by Mr. Banks, Act 1
Logline: Mary Poppins steamrolls her hiring by her new boss by asserting her qualifications from a taped together list the children had made of qualifications for a new nanny and he had torn up prior.
Essence: Mary Poppins can accomplish anything, including being hired by a dominating father.

Scene 3 location: Final scene flying a kite, Act 3
Logline: The father Mr. Banks, believing he has been fired from the bank, decides to finally pay attention to his family and mends a kite to fly in the park with his children.
Essence: Mary Poppins’ work has finally seeped into Mr. Banks’ soul and he can let go and live and Mary Poppins can leave the household for good.

Scene 4 location: at Mr. Banks’ employer, the bank, Act 2
Logline: The children accompany their father to his employer bank and refuse to give up their small coin to open an account, creating a panic in the bank.
Essence: Through Mary Poppins, the children have developed empathy for the bird woman at St. Paul’s and would rather use their coin to feed the birds by giving it to her.

Scene 5 location: Admiral Boom’s disruptions, Act 1
Logline: As the neighboring retired Admiral prepares to discharge his cannon from his roof, the Banks’ household prepares and reacts to the chaos as if nothing is amiss.
Essence: The boom of the cannon announces the arrival of the magical nanny.

[savanna Savanna]

I’m Savanna Jackson Mapelli
I’ve written 2 scripts
I hope to harness my creativity more.
I’m a ballroom dancer.

[savanna Savanna]

I, Savanna Jackson, agree to the terms of this release form.

[savanna Savanna]

Hi, I’ve written 2 scripts and there is one that I’ve tried to write with depth, so I’ll test it with these profound models.

[savanna Savanna]

I agree to the terms of this release form:
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
SAVANNA

[savanna Savanna]

Could someone, anyone, please send me a link to Week 17 Video? It is not loading on my account. I have asked customer service several times. I’d like to watch it before I finish Module 3. Please just send me youtube link. savannajax@gmail.com

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna has completed the BW framework!

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna’s show empathy/distress

What I learned is that AI can make answers seem easy and straightforward, relieving some of my anxiety about my ideas. In The Diplomat, Kate’s undeserved misfortune is a meddling spouse she has to constantly second guess with external conflicts of a developing relationship with Austin and the plot of the brink of middle east war intruding on her life. Her moral dilemma is whether to act alone without the support of her boss in her Ambassador role and whether to stay in some kind of relationship with her spouse. Her forced decisions include working outside of diplomatic channels and playing her adversaries, including Trowbridge and Hal, to distract them. We are empathetic because she almost is fired in the beginning, she has to navigate a new high-powered job alone and she is aggravated by her spouse, universal, and attracted to someone else, also universal. In my show, the main character is in distress because he discovers a medical scandal, he faces discrimination and skepticism, the mysterious healings draw unwanted attention and he must either reveal the source of the healings or face ethical challenges and he is pressured to use his powers for personal gain.

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna’s Characters’ Emotions

What I learned is that I needed to go back and feed the AI query more specifics about one character to receive the responses that made sense to me. Most of the responses were what I came up with initially though.

Antonio hopes to understand his abilities to heal and fears his power is from evil; He wants to use his powers to gain fame and recognition but needs to use his abilities selflessly for the greater good, he has a moral conflict. His mask is that of a hero, but his base negative fear is terror of evil; His weakness is not understanding the effect he has on others; He is triggered by societal injustice of the sick; His coping mechanism is prayer and solitude.

Juan hopes to impress the medical community and fears A. is a fake; Juan wants to be close to A. and is attracted to him but needs to find a way to be professional and keep boundaries; Juan’s mask is friendly and supportive but base negative emotion is a deep sense of insecurity due to his unrequited romantic feelings; Jan’s infatuation with A. is a weakness and is triggered by moments of affection between A. and others; Juan copes by writing and journaling and coming to terms with his situation.

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna’s Intriguing Character Layers

What I learned with this assignment was the difference between character basics and character layers and I learned that by focusing on these descriptions, I could flesh out more of the story I want to tell. The story seems to form around the layers of the characters. I can’t believe I used to just start typing to start a project. Seems so amateur now. With AI, I learned to feed it info in a certain way to allow it to process things helpful to me.

Assignment 1: The Diplomat. Intriguing layers of Kate, the protagonist and new ambassador has a hidden agenda to make it on her own without the deadweight of manipulative Hal, that her competition is indeed Hal, that she’s involved with Austin Dennison in an unspoken agreement or conspiracy to save western civilization from power maniacs, that she has to keep a secret that she’s being considered for VP and she has to deceive others about the state of her marriage and she is wounded by Hal’s second-skin manipulation all her working life. I don’t know her secret identity yet. Are we going to find out she’s really CIA playing dumb? Hmmm. Her deputy, Stuart has a hidden agenda to manipulate his girlfriend to follow him around the world for his career, his competition is either Billie or himself, or both, he’s involved in a conspiracy to make Kate VP somehow, he has to deceive himself and his girlfriend about his own ambitions, he is wounded by the election of 2000 and his secret identity is that of a power broker, which should have been explicit if things had worked out in 2000. Now he’s just backstage.

My untitled BWTV includes the protagonist Antonio, a surgeon supernatural healer who secretly seeks out ancient texts and relics related to healing and mysticism, trying to uncover the origins of his gift; He’s in a silent competition with other healers in the mystical community to gain recognition and acceptance from the medical establishment, becomes entangled in a hidden society of healers who believe that the origin of his power is a closely guarded secret with ancient ties and he’s been concealing his doubts about the source of his gift from both Juan and Maddalena; he occasionally feigns a lack of control over his powers to avoid suspicion from those who might see him as a threat and carries the emotional wound of feeling like an outsider due to his supernatural abilities. He takes on a pseudonym to conduct research and investigations into the mystical side of medicine.

[savanna Savanna]

What I learned is: I don’t have all the answers yet, but that’s ok and AI helps a lot. I did realize that by being asked in the course to think about Character basics, I’m able to sift through many options while I’m going about my day, getting different ideas about the journey and plot based on focusing on the Character.

Assignment 1

Show: The Diplomat

Kate’s role is the unsuspecting professional woman being manipulated by a male colleague, as she climbs the ladder in her career.

Kate’s unique purpose/expertise is in diplomacy and government.

The secrets beneath the surface are the impending divorce between Kate and Hal and that Kate is on a shortlist for VP.

Moral boundaries crossed are Kate and Hal present themselves as a power couple but are not united.

Unpredictable events come from Hal: telling Kate at last moment she is on short list.

Empathetic: we care about the dicey navigations Kate must do.

Assignment 2:

The journey of the show is of a Portuguese male doctor coming to terms with his ability to miraculously heal inoperable physical maladies in Northern Italy.

Tony:
A. Role in the show: Protagonist, the Portuguese doctor seeking answers and coming to terms with his miraculous healing abilities in Northern Italy.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Healing abilities that are beyond medical explanation.
C. Intrigue: Beneath the surface, Tony carries a deep guilt and fear about the source of his powers and their consequences.
D. Moral Issue: Tony grapples with the ethical dilemma of using his powers without understanding their origins or limitations.
E. Unpredictable: Tony’s actions are often unpredictable as he is torn between using his abilities for good and the fear of the unknown consequences.
F. Empathetic: We care about Tony because he is a compassionate healer, and we empathize with his internal struggle and desire for answers.

[savanna Savanna]

I learned from this assignment that there are many more environmental characters than I would have imagined, and fewer main characters.

Assignment #1:

Main Characters of THE DIPLOMAT: Kate, Hal, Stuart, Billie, Austin Dennison.

Connected Circle: Eidra, Ms. Bassett, Margaret Rowland, Trowbridge, President of US, Ms. Park, Secretary of State Gannon

Environment Circle: Staff at Winfield, the Security Team, the Embassy staff, the families of the killed British soldiers, stylists, photographers, Iranians.

Assignment #2:

My main characters: Fernando, called “Tony”; Pedro, his brother; Lilly, his girlfriend

Connected characters: Francesco, Tony’s friend; Clara, Francesco’s girlfriend; Cassio, Bianca, Viola, Adriana, Benedick

Environmental characters: many villagers, churchgoers, scientists, friends: Beatrice, Miranda, Ophelia, Claude.

[savanna Savanna]

The Diplomat 5 star model

What I learned from this lesson is that it is engaging to the viewer to constantly challenge their own assumptions.

What is the BIG PICTURE hook? An experienced diplomat female, accustomed and accepting of living in her diplomat husband’s shadow, is selected as a power player diplomat, and unknowingly being vetted to be candidate for VP.

What makes the main characters AMAZING AND INTRIGUING? Kate is competent but nonconventional and must play by certain rules to succeed and doesn’t like giving speeches in a public role; Hal is charming but so egotistical that you wonder if he is staying married just to stay in the game at work; Stuart is smooth as silk but must navigate not only vetting Kate for VP but the rocky marriage of his bosses and must stay low-key and in the background for Kate’s sake.

What situations cause us to feel both EMPATHY and DISTRESS for these characters? Stuart is thrust into an almost impossible position at work, as we all have been, and has to stay low key and calm; Kate has a loose cannon husband that can hurt her at her profession and she doesn’t know about the elephant in the room. Distress, a little, for Hal being so self-absorbed.

What questions in the pilot can only be answered by watching ENTIRE season? Will Kate succeed at ambassadorship? Will she become VP? Will Hal screw everything up? Will they divorce?

What invites OBSESSION? Enough of a few details to be curious about their marriage and how Kate will handle it and her new role; obvious juxtaposition of a professional woman who doesn’t like conformity and rules; a jackass husband in the same professional field who may bring her down, wittingly or not.

[savanna Savanna]

I’m Savanna Jax

I’ve written two full-length stage plays and many shorts and monologues using skills I’ve learned through SU.

I seek to use AI efficiently to produce many, many scripts quickly.

I might be addicted to Hal’s voice, and I’m from the hometown of Doc Holiday. It’s in GA.

Enjoyed SU’s AI classes, and BW and WIM.

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna Jackson

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[savanna Savanna]

Renee Miller

Member

June 12, 2023 at 10:08 pm

As a member of this group, I, Savanna Jax, agree to the following terms of this release form:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[savanna Savanna]

Hi, I’m Savanna, my friends call me Sam.

I’ve written 2 scripts.

I hope to learn to analyze scenes and scripts more deeply.

I am learning Russian folkloric dances.

[savanna Savanna]

SaM’s marketable components

Logline: Two activist young adults start an environmental movement and find they have evolving supernatural powers to complete their goals.

A. Unique: do-gooders, animal communicators, bi-locators use skills to promote environmentalism

B. Great Title. To Be Frank

C. True. YES based on a true story

D. Timely. Maybe

G. Wide audience appeal.

J. A great role for a bankable actor. think Russell Brand

[savanna Savanna]

This is a Drama called “To Be Frank”

It is the story of a famous person as if he lived in modern times in Italy.

It is attractive because it addresses themes of spirituality and earth conservation and animal communication mixed in with a love story.

I want to target Indies to lesson the chances the story is sabotaged and mangled by big studios.

[savanna Savanna]

I savanna jackson mapelli agree to the terms of t his release form.

[savanna Savanna]

Hi, Savanna Mapelli, friends call me SaM

2 scripts.

Want to target one of them to Indies

[savanna Savanna]

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

I agree to the terms of this release form. Savanna Mapelli

[savanna Savanna]

Hi, I’m Savanna. Hal’s and Cheryl’s classes inform my work so much, even if I don’t post everything about it. I’m using this class to help me rewrite a stage play actually, as I see that many concepts transfer over to playwriting. I’ve written one stage play and one screenplay. I might be addicted to Hal’s voice….he can explain things so that I continue listening and understanding.

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna’s Character Profiles Part 2

-taking my broken heart and turning it into art financially successfully and with platform for advocating for chidlren’s rights

-what i learned is that i can catch up with class

Drama Script

A. The High Concept.

Journalist/Lawyer returns from progressive NE to small Southern town in the news for repeated intolerance and confronts friends and family who have become right wingers unsuccessfully until super storm lands them all in red cross shelter.

B. This character’s journey.

open and inquisitive to brutally pragmatic

C. The Actor Attractors for this character.

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

main character goes from educated progressive to understanding some of the angst of her roots in modern political context and to heroine status as savior at red cross facility

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

her ability to change accent and diction from northeast to southern roots; her physicality thru parkour; her repeated inability to get through to people from her roots

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Her parkour chase and capture of a thief; her organization of a shelter with zero notice

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

change of accent from boarding plane in EWR to deplaning in ATL

What could be this character’s emotional range

contained and measured in beginning to screaming maniac at end

What subtext can the actor play?

investigative

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

with and old flame who only wants a virtual relationship; with siblings who are conniving; with aging parents who are numbed by cable tv

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

She perseveres

What could make this character special and unique?

physicality; ability to drop education on a dime

Role in the Story:

protagonist

Age range and Description:

50’s

Core Traits:

demanding, disciplined, emotional

Motivation; Want/Need:

Wants to change friends and family from the past

Wound:

being estranged from family and friends

Likability: she roots for the underdog

Relatability: problem relationships

Empathy: earnest

Character Subtext:

suppressing knowledge and skills

Character Intrigue:

secret identity: hides her talents

Flaw:

does not believe in her abilities

Values:

patriotic at core

Character Dilemma:

devoted to origins, but more comfortable in NE

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna’s Character Profiles Part I

Vision: take my broken heart and turn it into art successfully and allowing attention to human rights causes

What I learned in this exercise is – keep filling in the blanks; it’s already there, don’t overthink.

AUSTIN

The High Concept –Austin never climbs out from the shadow of his father who hangs over him even professionally, but he plots to persuade his father to disinherit the sisters so he has more for himself and his right wing family faking a life of aristocracy in the South.

This character’s journey – from insecure to wiser

The Actor Attractors for this character: physicality, Bond-enthusiast, lady’s man.

Role in the
Story: antagonist
Age range
and Description: 60’s with a striking appearance and a limp
Core
Traits: cool, understated, reserved
Motivation;
Want/Need: to feel loved by his father, to feel accepted by society.
Wound: the
disdain of his father; the losing landscape for white men
Likability:
liked by all his students and their parents; great part time coach at school; great teacher

Relatability: feels like never enough

Empathy: mistreated by father; embarrassed by wife and her family after his public affair

SAVANNAH

The High Concept – She’s the long lost sister who has lived in a progressive part of the country and returns to hometown to report on changing political landscape and racial intolerance

This character’s journey – from assuming she knows the answers to surprise at the wounds that torpedoed her family of origin

The Actor Attractors for this character: smart but scattered, trusting, body builder

Role in the
Story: protagonist
Age range
and Description: 50’s
Core
Traits: observant, smart, caring of others
Motivation;
Want/Need: to understand what has happened
Wound:
mocked by family of origin

6. Likability: body builder even though somewhat handicapped

Relatability: tries hard

Empathy: she is willing to risk relationships to get to the truth

LIMINANI

The Actor Attractors for this character: gossipy Southern belle who would have been happier living with a woman and being true to herself

Role in the
Story:triangle antagonist
Age range
and Description: 60
Core
Traits: intent, decisive, jealous
Motivation;
Want/Need: to be vindicated after public affair
Wound: not feminine enough for southern society
Likability:
honest communicator

Relatability: outsider in a large dysfunctional family

Empathy: deeply wounded by husband’s affair in small town

[savanna Savanna]

LINK in BIO

vision is to take my broken heart and turn it into art financially successful and with attention to certain human rights causes

what I learned here is to fill in the blanks, yet again,

AUSTIN

likability: school principal, helps disadvantaged children, works hard, kind to daughter who is light of his life

relatability: feels as if not good enough to intellectual father who is superintendent; spends free time online finding like-minded men who feel they are being dissed by society as it becomes more diverse; takes up for underdog students

empathy: has affair exposed in a shameful way so that wife punishes him forever; father is caustic forever to him

LIMINNANI

likability: creek indian origins, devoted to native american causes, devoted to family and protective of gay son and slutty daughter

relatability: found out about affair from her own mother and about sexual conduct from MIL

empathy: has to consider making a drastic change in lifestyle due to husband’s philandering; takes up for children

SAVANNAH

likability: truth teller and rebel, generous, cares about others

relatability: returns to small town after big city living, has to swallow opinions and secrets to keep peace in small town

empathy: seduced online by old flame, seeks answers of self

BURT

likeability: executed integration successfully, town hero

relatability: outsider in small town, mentally ill wife

empathy: childhood wounds from own father who was a bull in china shop

[savanna Savanna]

3:4

Link in Bio

My vision is to take my broken heart and turn it into art with financial success and attention necessary to promote my human rights work

What I learned is that I can allow characters to have layers

LIMINANI

intriguing traits include unspoken wound of husband’s Austin affair with Savannah taking up for Austin; hidden agenda of projecting career dissatisfaction on female relatives

AUSTIN

intriguing traits include hidden agenda of disparaging sisters who are favored by father and resulting competition for a pat on the head

SAVANNAH

intriguing traits include unspoken wound of being molested and groomed by father; secret of affair with Rich

BURT

intriguing trait of attraction to young girls hidden by frequent trips to Thailand and India for sex with trafficked girls

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna’s subtext work

Vision is to take my broken heart and turn it into art successfully.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to fill it out like placeholders.

Character Name:
savannah st john
Subtext
Identity: insecurity Wound from moving away from tribe and making it on her own
Subtext Trait:
Sly, bookish, pollyanna-ish
Subtext Logline:
Savannah has an insecurity wound and covers it up by being intellectual.
Possible Areas
of Subtext: She underestimates the resentment of brother that father favored her over him and is shocked that he can change the estate using conspiracy theories.

Character Name:
Austin Paxon
Subtext identity:
Golden boy of family, leading parents down a fringe right wing philosophy so he can profit

Subtext trait:
conniving
Subtext logline:
Austin, caught up in right wing cult feelings of the Trump era, spends all his free time reading about conspiracy theories and the demise of the white guy, and convinces his parents to watch cultish media to reinforce these ideas so that he can convince them to distrust his “lib” sister.
Possible area of
subtext: Victim

Character Name:
Liminani
Subtext
Identity: little miss perfect and little miss nasty nice
Subtext trait:
Resentful, conniving, jealous
Subtext logline:
Uses church activities and do-gooder work to cover a jealous nature and supports Austin in isolating Savannah from parents.

[savanna Savanna]

My vision is to take my broken heart and turn it into successful art and have a larger platform from which to advocate for children’s rights.

What I learned here is a lot more thought goes into a character role than I realized.

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it: This is a woman raised in a rural setting but careered in progressive one who returns to pursue a relationship from 30 years prior and try to understand the right wing swing of her hometown while assisting at a Red Cross shelter.

What makes this character one of the most interesting ones in the story: The high level of entertainment in the way she fumbles and assumes and comes to realizations and the transformational journey from sceptic to compassion.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the script: Two amazing scenes with unexpected outcomes: dropping the old flame coldly and dispensing compassion in a shelter

How was the role introduced in a way that sold it to an actor: a sophisticated woman with rural roots hardened by career challenges who understands her own heart after trying to understand her hometown…from cold to warm

What subtext did actor play: assuming siblings have ousted her based on politics, but learning how parents sabotaged their children

What is the most interesting relationships this character had: the closeness with the old flame; resistance to her siblings

How was this character’s unique voice presented: through her judgment of politics yet willingness to serve in disasters

What made this character special and unique: her charisma and willingness to understand.

[savanna Savanna]

Actor Attractors for Link In Bio movie

what I learned here is that my processing time for an assignment can stretch out a while

I had never considered this part of script writing, which doesn’t make sense (to not consider)

Character: Savannah

Actor notoriety – Wants to be known for this part.

enigmatic former southerner determined to understand and change right wing views

Character that is most interesting in movie.

even though she is older, her grit and determination are captivating

Takes most interesting actions in the story.

Follows heart to see old flame; discovers estate cheating and hires big gun law firm; gives speeches to former classmates and friends; saves psyches and physical bodies in a shelter

Outstanding Introduction.

Meets up with old flame, goes to bed with him and then discovers he is a white supremacist when she can’t sleep and snoops around his house

Range of emotions the actor can play.

from subdued to passionate

Subtext the actor can play.

Deeper meaning under her conversations

Relationships that are interesting.

With old flame; with brothers; with former teachers, she takes in all their anger over a changing world

Unique Voice expressed through dialogue and action.

Through her questioning and observations, she comes to understand their fear based beliefs

Something truly special about this character.

With no family support and many detractors, she becomes successful in the North, yet remains compassionate to her hometown.

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna’s 4 act transformational structure

what I learned is to just keep going.

act one

opening

lawyer, in middle of relationship crisis in NJ, decides to move to hoemtown in south for a year to take care of parents and continue her work there establishing red cross shelters. Potential of relationship with old flame.

inciting incident

parents become ill and estate will need to be settled

turning point

lawyer finds out brothers have used politics to make parents paranoid about her and that old flame is a white supremacist, along with family members and people from town she grew up with

act two

new plan

lawyer trying to understand shifts in family and hometown and old flame

plan in action

helping people with minor legal problems, going to church and civic gatherings, trying to educate about climate change

midpoint/tp

understanding backstabbing in family, realizing people deny science and have no incentive to change

act three

rethink everything

realizes she must protect herself and break off ties

new plan

decides to hire local lawyer to represent estate interests; begins popular public lectures

tp

local lawyer, influenced by majority politics drops her

act four

climax

climate change storm pops up and decimates town

resolution

nothing left from estate to divide; she ends up helping relatives and old friends in red cross shelter.

[savanna Savanna]

My vision is to become admired, glammy and well-compensated for telling heartfelt sories that resonate through people enough to motivate them to ardently support my goals of ratification of human rights treaties in this country.

what I learned here is that subtext is not so easy to hash out.

Title: Link in Bio

Concept: a journalist form a progressive city returns to rural hometown to settle parents’ estate only to find her relatives and classmates have become overt racists and science deniers.

Subtext plots are people hiding who they are to the journalist, fish out of water and competitive agendas of siblings in inheritances from parents.

[savanna Savanna]

My vision: I am going to become admired, glammy and very well-compensated for telling heartfelt stories that resonate through people enough to motivate them to ardently support my ultimate goal of ratification and implementation of the UN CRC in my lifetime. What I learned here is that I spook myself unnecessarily and all I need to do is sit down and do the work.

Protagonist SAVANNAH

arc beginning: milktoast journalist with pre-conceived ideas and judgments about changes in rural hometown and family

arc ending: understanding generational toxicity with choice of how to respond

internal journey: from naive and passive to understanding, wise and strong

external journey: from retiring journalist to dynamic leader and matriarch

old ways: bitter, confused, passive, weak

new ways: proactive and strong. a healer

[savanna Savanna]

savanna’s intentional lead characters

my vision is<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”><font size=”1″> to become admired, glammy and well-compensated for telling heartfelt stories that resonate through people enough to motivate them to ardently support my ultimate goal of ratification and implementation of the Convention on the Rights of the Child in my lifetime.</font>

what I learned is: just fill in the blanks. Just fill in the frickin’ blanks. Not so hard.

SAVANNAH is a journalist who investigates the attitudes in her hometown and family of origin for bigotry and science-denying;

AUSTIN is her educated brother who is a racist, science-denier and misogynist;

Austin’s wife LIMINANI is torn between supporting Savannah’s views and placating her husband Austin.

[savanna Savanna]

savanna’s title, concept and character structure

“Link in Bio” is about a journalist/relief volunteer from a progressive part of the united states who returns to her southern hometown (which had been successful in integration in the 70s) to find her classmates and family have become racists and science deniers. When a super storm hits, she is left caring for them in a shelter

character structure is dramatic triangle, maybe more than one

what i learned from doing this assignment is how to choose character structure

[savanna Savanna]

Hi I’m Savanna Mapelli and I welcome interactions

I publish on human rights laws and treaties and teach humanitarian law

I’ve written and arranged a successful table reading of my first stage play (tobefrankplay.com)

I blog on Medium as SavMap

The meal I can prepare best is hot buttered toast. Message me for the recipe.

S

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna Jackson

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  savanna Savanna mapelli.

[savanna Savanna]

VILLAIN D.F.’s track

What I learned is: keep filling in the blanks, it’s not all about me. Actually it’s not anything about me. This is some kind of other energy stream outside of me operating, but thru me. Weird, but going with it, don’t have time to analyze it or even speculate.

A. What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero?

It’s an on the spot plan when CHIARA, hero, emerges with a humanitarian mission.

B. How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?

The Villain, D.F., can control the metaverse to cause Chiara to doubt herself initially. D.F. can sabotage her plans to assist and heal. D.F. can poison the well Chiara’s helpers drink from intending to help. D.F. can launch a smear campaign.

C. What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this movie?

D.F. has omniscience as a power grid and uses it to stay one step ahead of Chiara.

D. What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain where they pay for what they’ve done?

Fitting end for D.F. would be to be cast further into the molten lava of the center of the earth due to the energy created by liberating lost souls from homelessness.

[savanna Savanna]

What I learned is that I can change the character and mission by continued brainstorming and I’m not married to the original idea.

CHIARA’S Mission Track

Chiara, who has a celestial mandate from the invisible world, sets out to eradicate homelessness in her country. The mission is an impossible goal as she is a petite soft spoken woman in a macho world taking on social structure to change demographics. Her internal motivation is constant rapport with the invisible world and external motivation is seeing her beloved cousins homeless. What could naturally happen is getting caught up in day to day assistance of the infirm, searching for a plan and advocating for it, having it criticized by authorities, developing her own plan with assistance of invisible world, bilocating, her main skill, to be in many places at once, recruiting others to help her, possibilities of resistance from status quo and exhaustion and injury.

CLEAR MISSION eradicate homelessness in her country MOTIVATION is a clear voice heard during meditation and sympathy for cousins INCITING INCIDENT is seeing her cousins freeze to death. FIRST ACTION is bilocating to hear governmental officials refuse to address the issue FIRST ACTION is calling on assistance from invisible world. OBSTACLE is finding metaverse controlled by dark forces as the energy of the infirm power the unseen battles for soul counts. ESCALATION is having to learn metaverse technology to be able to subdue evil forces, DISCOVERY is finding that dark forces are working pointedly against her. NEW PLAN is teaching others to bilocate so as to be able to control dark forces and simultaneously release homeless from mindset TWIST is one of her celestial assistants is aligned with dark forces APPARENT SUCCESS is eradication of homelessness FULL OUT ATTACK is disconnection of her helpers from metaverse by dark forces, SUCCESS is subduing dark forces for a while.

[savanna Savanna]

Franc vs. Luc

What I learned: Just fill in the frickin blanks. I had to hear Hal say this over and over through the years for it to click into action! It takes courage to fill in blanks. It takes courage to surrender to the process.

Concept. Hero morally right: Franc is bringing permanent peace to conflicts in the middle east. Villain morally wrong: Luc opposes peace because it requires un-hypnotizing mortals he has worked hard to hypnotize since conflict is a type of energy currency in the invisible world and vital to his perpetuation.

Unique skillset of hero Franc is accurate perceptions of invisible worlds. Motivation is highest reward of a modern monarchy and answering to a call. Wound: his father brought him to court for involuntary mental help, which he avoided by convincing he judge.

Unbeatable: Luc controls most of the material world through hypnotic suggestions and materiality with only a few pockets of transcendence available, which no one has ever figured out. His goal is self-perpetuation. If he loses, he loses control over minds of humans in middle east and assists an energy vortex created by peace.

Impossible mission, Franc, hero is in action by using nonviolent, paranormal communications to break through hypnosis and call forth other-worldly support for his mission. Demands are saving the world from itself and its own destruction; To destroy the villain, he must de-mesmerize enough Middle east Execs and leaders to channel a vibration of peace

[savanna Savanna]

What I learned from this assignment is not to belabor things. The answers I seek are already there, I just have to write them down and stay open and disciplined somewhat and go with it.

Concept: Frank, possessed of paranormal gifts and abilities to see angelic/alien beings, in direct communication with another world, sets out to bring peace to religious conflicts in the middle east with what looks like non-violence on one plane, but is sci-fi action on another plane.

Hero is a dropout CEO from the fashion industry who perceives other-worldly communications.

Mission is to convince leaders of middle east countries and factions to stop all violence.

Demand for action: If he does not, his soul becomes property of Luc (Lucifer) who is currently running the material world and middle east conflict will escalate to nuclear.

Antagonist: The material world and its agents, run by Luc.

Escalating Action: from connecting with fashion industry execs to gain access to politicians to peace talks to intentional sabotage by Luc and his friends.

[savanna Savanna]

Savanna Jax

I agree to the terms of the release form

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[savanna Savanna]

HI, I’m Savanna Jax, with one stage play in the hopper, hoping to become a decent script writer who can make a difference, and one unique thing about me is even though I’m pushing 59, I can’t stop dancing, as if red shoes were on my feet.

[savanna Savanna]

YOUNG POPE

Big Hook: A young man becomes the first American Pope in Rome and upsets the traditionalists with modern behavior and approaches to shepherding 1 billion catholics worldwide.

Main character of Pope is intriguing and interesting because he is so radically different from dogma and tradition and even tho he upsets many people, we know he has lifetime job security, so he won’t be leaving, presumably. Sister Mary, his confidant and major supporter since he was a child, is untraditional also.

We feel empathy and distress for this young American Pope, even tho he is brash and offensive because he is so alone and lonely and we all have felt that way. He is extaordinarily confidant as we all secretly wish we were- as he takes on the oldest monarchy in the world, sort of like Princess Diana did with the English monarchy. We’ve all wanted to rock the boat in some job or situation. We feel empathy for Sister Mary as she is basically in the role of his mother, and we can relate to the feeling of supporting a child who may be “different.”

The main question if What.The.Heck.Is.Gonna.Happen.Here………We’re assured as viewers there’s going to be some major upset in an institution not known for radical change. I’m asking who is Spencer his mentor who tried to off himself? Is this Pope really agnostic and just out for himself? Is that possible? that he has hidden his true self all these years up through the hierarchy. What is the goal of this Pope anyway? Is it more than just to upset the apple cart?

Is it binge worthy? Well, I do want to see what happens, so in a sense yes. There are maybe a bit too many story lines and characters to keep up with….it’s a little exhausting that way. I haven’t “had” to watch the 2nd one yet, so I’m unsure if it is indeed bingeworthy, but sometimes it takes me quite a few episodes to get hooked.

What I’ve learned is to ask these questions at the outset.

[savanna Savanna]

I, Sav Map, agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, teaching a class, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. The easiest solution if you have similar ideas is to either not look at each other’s work or to agree to take your shows in different directions.

If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the Binge Worthy TV class.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  savanna Savanna mapelli.

[savanna Savanna]

Hi! I’m Sav.

I’ve written one stage play and choreographed many dances.

I hope mostly to learn to market from this class. What good are scripts without an audience?

One unique thing is that I’m psychic and here’s my blog https://gymspy.medium.com/

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  savanna Savanna mapelli.

[savanna Savanna]

FEEDBACK from Savanna for Kimbal

Kimbal Thompson Assignment 8
LOGLINE: At sea, Pirate John (Captain Jack) threatens First Mate Nick to confess where he hid the stolen plunder.
ESSENCE: Disputes are to be settled on the waves
SCENE:
EXT PIRATE SHIP MAIN DECK ON STORMY CARIBBEAN SEA – DAY
SITUATION: A face-to-face standoff has begun between Pirates Captain John and first mate Nick to where Nick has hidden the booty.
JOHN
(incensed)
I’m Captain of this Ship and I demand of you to tell me!
NICK
(amused)
I give you that Captain, but what do you want me to tell you? CONFIDENT
JOHN
(More incensed)
Where’s the blimey missing treasure? DISTRUSTFUL, DARING
NICK
(Innocently)
You captured it, why ask me? CONFIDENT
JOHN
Because some of it is missing!
NICK
This Sea is teeming with Pirates. (TWIST)
JOHN
It was on this F**king ship! DISTRUSTFUL. (SURPRISE)
MICK
Then, we should see if any of the crews missing. CONFIDENT (TWIST)
JOHN
(authoritatively)
They’re all accounted for, now where’s the loot! Those who cheat shall be punished! DARING, DISTRUSTFUL (FEAR)
NICK
(sarcastically)
Twenty lashes with your wet noodle? CONFIDENT (HOPE)
JOHN
(infuriated)
I’ll have you keel-hulled! (FEAR)
NICK
(with disrespect)
Please, Mr. Captain, that could damage our ship. REBELLIOUS, CONFIDENT (HOPE)
JOHN
Set the plank! (FEAR)
NICK
Think I can’t swim? CONFIDENT (HOPE)
JOHN
Prepare the chums! (FEAR)
NICK
Fat sharks don’t talk. Good luck at finding your treasure. CONFIDENT. (HOPE)
JOHN
Strip him and tie him to the mast. Bring me the Cat-O-Nine tails and a bucket of seawater! DARING (FEAR)
NICK
Have you no pistol? GIVING. (HOPE)
JOHN
Aye, and saber!
NICK
(Pulling the Captain’s flintlock from his pants)
Neither. Now you strip! CONFIDENT. (FEAR)
JOHN
(Knocking the gun away)
Gotta be quicker than that Matey!
Strap him to the mast! DISTRUSTFUL
NICK
Not so fast there scurvy dog!! CONFIDENT
JOHN
(authoritatively)
Captain shall have full command during the time of engagement and shall have authority at all other times to conduct the ship accordingly! LONER, LOYAL
NICK
He who disobeys him shall be punished unless the majority vote against the punishment! CONFIDENT
JOHN
So what.
NICK
Mutiny! REBELLIOUS CONNIVING (TWIST)
Many of the crew cheer and yell Mutiny! (HOPE)
JOHN
(unsure of himself)
Let’s hear it from the rest of the crew! LOYAL
Others on the crew yell: Avast allegiance to Captain Jack!
NICK
Disputes are settled on the waves! CONFIDENT, REBELLIOUS. (HOPE)
JOHN
As will be this, once I find the missing treasure. No treasure, no reason for mutiny. DISTRUSTFUL, LONER
NICK
With the treasure, all the reason for mutiny. CONFIDENT
JOHN
So, you do have the treasure? DISTRUSTFUL
NICK
Nice try. CONFIDENT
JOHN
Indeed! Plus you and your friggin’ merry band of would-be mutineers! LONER
***********FUN SCENE, UNEXPECTED TWISTS and IRONY***************

[savanna Savanna]

I can swap. Let me know, thanks, Savanna